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And now the chapter some of you have been waiting for, when we find out what happened when Megan was desperate in confession recently.
Chapter 39:
Megan
I hope he doesn’t think I was rude or anything but I had to end that coffee before things got too much. The way he winked when he mentioned the launderette and the library sent shivers through me. Has he been thinking about them both as much as I have? If so is it because he found it funny, or weird, or childish…or something else? The possibilities make my head spin. And I like him. I like him more than I think I can cope with.I actually wish he’d kiss me. What has come over me? I have never ever wanted a man to come near me let alone kiss me.
I have this sudden memory of him seeing me exposed in the library toilet and I realised I had, quite deliberately, missed that bit out when I was in confession. I missed a lot out about the library incident in confession, partly because it involved a man and partly because I was barely holding myself together in the booth, squirming like I had ants in my pants and holding myself in a very undignified manner. I did tell Father that I barely made it on time to the library bathroom and that I hadn’t even locked the cubicle door and that someone, a stranger, accidentally walked in on me. I mentioned that they looked so so desperate to pee and that I didn’t immediately get off the toilet and put their needs before my own like a good Catholic should do. I confessed how I could see them dancing and hear them struggling outside the cubicle but that I selfishly carried on getting my own relief despite knowing that this might come with consequences. I told Father Reilly how guilty I felt about that and how my selfish act actually caused the other person to have an accident. The entire time I was talking I was so incredibly close to having my own accident in the booth too.
As always Father had been so understanding and sympathetic and he stressed to me that we can’t control other people and how I couldn’t possibly have known someone else would come into the toilet and have a need so urgent they couldn’t wait. With my hand between my legs bouncing on the confession chair he spoke about God’s compassion for us in our human frailty and how, as Catholics, we are representing God in all we do. He asked about how I responded to the other person when I had finished using the bathroom and, despite the fact I could feel dribbles leaking into my knickers no matter how much I wriggled and bounced, I did explain how I apologised and aided them in cleaning up. He praised me for that and told me that I was a good Catholic and a caring person and God was proud of me. I know God would not have been proud of what I did next though!
I thanked Father, he said the prayer of forgiveness which I then repeated, then I left and ran out the chapel so quickly I almost knocked over the holy water stand in my haste.I had planned to go home and use the bathroom, of course, but I absolutely couldn’t wait that long. I was barely holding on coming out the large front door. In a panic I raced through the graveyard to the back of the chapel and, in extreme desperation, I pulled down my tights and knickers, leaned back against the church wall and bent down only just in time as a loud strong stream erupted from between my legs and watered the paving slabs beneath me.
What made the whole situation so much worse was this strange feeling that came over me after my bladder finally emptied. I had had a taste of it previously as my mind tried to think where: It was in the launderette that day when I had been so bursting for so long in front of that man! The tingling all over my body that I felt, the lightheadedness, the moisture and wetness in my vagina that felt so different to just needing the toilet, the racing of my heart and the extremely strong urge to touch between my legs. I had thought it was all just my extreme need to urinate but even after my accident, in fact more so after it, that feeling and urge was still there, the swelling and wetness in my vagina which was much more than just the warmth of my urine soaked clothes.
I’d experienced it again days later when I’d been in this very chapel praying and really had to go then when I got home the boys were bathing and I couldn’t get in our only loo. I was able to act more on it that time and the feelings it gave me are almost indescribable.. Now behind the chapel that I have spent my whole life coming to, out in public with my tights and pants hanging at my knees and my back against the old dirty wall, I once again act on the feelings despite knowing I could get caught. I touch myself, stroking parts of my body that I have barely explored before and definitely never in this way! I’m fascinated and hypnotised by how open and wet that area is and how it moves against me as I slide a finger up, inside as deep as I can, until I can’t go any further. It makes my head spin like I’m on the highest rollercoaster ever built but I feel exquisite, hyper, as if I’m in another zone. It’s a feeling like no other and one which I assumed that I would only ever experience when being really desperate to pee or having held my bursting bladder for ages.
That was until Liam started talking about the library and the state he was in that day. My mind plays it all back on high speed while he’s sitting right in front of me , so close we can feel each other’s breath. I want to kiss him. I want to see him desperately needing to pee again so much. I desire with everything in me to see his penis in his hands, grasped tightly and rising and falling because it’s about to burst forth with warm urine. Suddenly I can feel that overwhelming need to touch myself, that throbbing between my legs, the warmth and shivers that I recall from the launderette, and in my bedroom waiting for the boys to finish bathing, and from hiding behind the chapel.
Not here. I can’t do what my body wants here! Father Reilly said I needed to work on my self control and now more than ever I need to resist. Going against every fibre of my body, every urge and desire, I force myself to stand up, pushing in my chair to prevent myself sitting back down and kissing Liam, and I focus on paying the bill and leaving before I regret it.
As I stand I blurt out in haste and embarrassment, terrified Liam can read my mind and see what’s happening in my body.
“Probably best we just don’t talk about those things. Now you have had something to eat and drink you look so much better. You looked awful back at the church. I hope you don’t mind me saying so. Unfortunately, as I said, I have an appointment to get to so I hope the rest of your day goes ok Liam.”
I hope he doesn’t think I’m rude. I just need space to calm down and get my thoughts back to reality…back to something wholesome and more Catholic like. At least I shook his hand. That’s all I can honestly manage. |
Chapter 41:
Megan
I focus solely on getting to the council headquarters a mile or so down the road. I hated leaving so abruptly but it was getting too intense and the feelings in my body were consuming me too much causing my mind to think impure thoughts. If I had to go to confession earlier about what happened in mam and dad’s room yesterday then I definitely need to go now more than ever! What is going on with me? I’ve never had to confess so much in my life! I deliberately twiddle my crucifix and silently repeat the prayer of confession in my head while briskly walking, trying to clear my head of the impurity and debauchery that seems to have stolen my heart and body ever since that day in the laundrette.
I reach the building and walk past the decorative fountain and gardens that cost the council millions to install and go into the main door. The receptionist is older, but friendly and professional, and she smiles openly at me when I say I have an appointment with Mr McGintley. I fluster a bit knowing he’s a benefits advisor but not having any idea what department or floor that might be.
‘Welfare services?’
I nod. It sounds about right.
‘Floor 3. The lifts are through those doors to your right or if you go through the double doors immediately after them you’ll find the stairs. The waiting room is just to the left hand side.’
I decide to take the stairs and find the waiting room easily. Sitting down on a plastic chair I gaze around the area reading some of the posters. I allow myself to relax seeing the clock and noticing I am 20 mins early for my appointment. None of the posters or notices are particularly inspiring so I look and see if there’s any magazines to read while I wait.I see what looks like some under a small coffee table between some chairs and I stand up and walk across towards them. It’s only at this point I suddenly feel the effect of the two mugs of coffee earlier. I need the toilet but when I sit down with an old magazine on my knee I look around and can’t see any. There no-one at the desk area to ask either and no-one else in the waiting room who might know.
I can wait. There will be some somewhere and after I’ve seen Mr McGintley I’ll look around more. I cross my legs and try not to think about it. I skim through the old Woman’s Own magazine seeing if anything is worth reading. There’s an article about a woman who has just given birth to her third set of twins in 5 years, another story about an older woman who had cosmetic surgery that went badly wrong and another page about the five best pieces of equipment to use at the gym. I stick to the agony aunt page wondering what makes anyone think their problems can be solved by a weekly woman’s magazine ‘expert’ then put the magazine down again on the chair beside me. I could really do with finding the loos so stand up and look around to see if there’s any indication at all where they are but there isn’t. So frustrating!
Eventually Mr Gintley comes out with someone with him and they leave towards the lifts. He turns and sees me and smiles, beckoning me down the corridor to his office. I would have been far more comfortable if I could have had a wee first but nonetheless I am glad to see him.
The meeting goes well and he informs the government benefit department that I have a new job starting that week using a webpage and what my wage will be. He smiles over the computer, reassures me that it will be ok and he promises me I won’t lose out financially. I am more thinking that I hope the meeting doesn’t last too long because even with my legs crossed I can feel that familiar tingling between my legs screaming for my attention. I find out that he and Liz will pay me weekly directly into my bank account and he writes a note for me to remind me to bring details of my bank account when I start tomorrow night. He explains that my benefits are paid in arrears meaning I will still get more payments even after I start work and for me not to panic about that. My mind is already running ahead of me thinking about what I could use any extra money for. Maybe I could replace my broken mobile phone?
I lose track how long I am with him for but I am feeling grateful and pleased at all he’s sorting for me in such a short time. I openly tell him how long I have been unemployed since being made redundant from my last job but he isn’t phased at all and actually seems a little pleased. He says this will mean I qualify for a number of grants and he explains that I can get £150 towards starting costs like new clothing or shoes etc. I look at what I am wearing feeling very self conscious all of a sudden but he just smiles at me and reassures me that what I have on is perfectly fine and he’s not expecting me to dress up to take his daughter out. The most interesting information he tells me though is regarding stuff I had no idea about: council tax and housing benefit. When he enquires about those I just shrug and when he asks about where I live I explain about being at home with mam and dad and Theresa and Anthony and Rory and Yasmin. He pauses to look right at me and asks how big the house is. That’s when I tell him it’s just a three bed terraced on the Bloomfield estate and that in summer and at Christmas the twins come back from university too. He looks shocked and jokingly says it sounds like the old woman who lives in a shoe nursery rhyme.
Apparently there’s such a thing as being in ‘overcrowded accommodation’ and that I would easily qualify to go on the council house waiting list, or if I chose to rent privately, I would get my rent mostly paid for me due to my low income. He says to phone him if I ever decide to do this and hands me his card.
I don’t know wether it’s the shock of finding out I could actually have my own place to live, or wether it’s the pressure from my bladder which has tormented me throughout the appointment and made me have to change position numerous times, but all I comment to him is,
‘You mean I could actually have my own bathroom and not have to share it with up to 10 other people?’
‘Quite possibly yes. Though I should warn you Miss Murphy that the current wait on the council housing waiting list is around 4 years. If you go down the private let route you will need to find a deposit and quite possibly furniture too. But it’s something to think about. That’s a big family you come from there.’
It definitely is and I should really get back to them before dad gets home from work and mam moans that I’ve been out ‘gallivanting’ all day. It’s a bit of a walk though and I had better find a loo first. I can’t risk getting home to find the bathroom in use again! Not after what happened yesterday! |
Chapter 47:
Megan
Every day my nervousness and jumpiness gets worse. I reckon I can rule out Rory and Anthony finding my wet things. They don’t even go into mam and dad’s room let alone ever think to look under Yasmin’s cot. It goes without saying that Yasmin is in the clear as well as Shaun, Iain, and Niamh who were all living elsewhere. Aisling has been over briefly but with her exhaustion, pregnancy vomiting, and the fact she never does any housework, I am fairly confident it’s not her. That leaves Theresa, mam or dad. My head spins thinking about it and I can’t look any of them in the eye.
The house is now bedlam so I need to try and not consume myself with the fear and guilt. Iain and Niamh are back for Anthony’s first communion and while mam and dad still only need to share their room with Yasmin as always, Rory and Anthony have a camp bed for Iain in their room and Theresa and I have a blow up mattress on the floor in our room for Niamh. As I am already in the bottom bunk even getting into bed now is hard. With seven of the 9 kids home mealtimes have to be staggered too and trying to get a shower or bath is near impossible. My new habit of holding my bladder has came in handy but first thing in the morning even I am really struggling. When dad was shaving this morning there was three of us all waiting to get in and I caught our Iain standing crossed legged in his pyjama shorts clearly struggling as much as I was. All I can say is thank goodness the after party is in the chapel hall tomorrow and not this house!
The morning of the communion is so noisy, chaotic and manic that poor Yasmin keeps crying. Mam has no patience with her either so I find myself sitting holding Yasmin while everyone else is getting ready. I leave getting her dressed up right up until we are just about to go in case she’s sick or needs changed and I try to keep her routine as best I can and make sure she’s eaten. I chose to shower and wash my hair last night anticipating the chaos and fight for the bathroom this morning but after a couple of mugs of tea I do need to get in and at least have a wee before we leave. No-one wants to take a clingy grumpy Yasmin though and mam is barking orders for this, that, and the next thing at me non stop. Before I even get to go upstairs to the bathroom we’re all getting jackets on and getting in the car or walking to chapel. I volunteer to walk with Yasmin in her buggy. Mam, dad, Rory, Anthony and Niamh all go in the car and Theresa and Iain walk with me. Aisling and Harrison and Shaun and Lilly are meeting up with us there.
I haven’t seen the chapel so busy in a long time. I fold Yasmin’s buggy and stand it in the corner of the vestibule out of the way. Filing into the pew I suddenly realise I still haven’t managed to use the toilet! With Yasmin in my arms, sitting close to the front in the middle of the pew, and with people filling up rows quickly, I am left without any option other than to wait until the service is over. I cringe inwardly annoyed at myself for not insisting someone just take Yasmin at home so I could have went before I left.
Looking at the rows of smartly dressed boys in suits and girls in their beautiful white dresses I know that it’s not going to be a quick ten minute mass, not by a long way. Yasmin, bless her, isn’t making things any easier for me either. She’s restless and cramped on my knee and her wriggling is pushing against my bladder so much. No matter what I do she isn’t settling at all.
To begin with the standing up and sitting down helps because I am able to move and during the singing of the first hymn I move Yasmin in my arms giving me the chance to tap one knee against the other behind the pew. It’s not helping much though and while I really want to be here and see Anthony take his first communion my bladder is so full it’s making me stressed. I’ve been in this very sanctuary so many times needing the loo but not like this in the middle of a very important event with all my family and trying to keep my baby sister quiet. When we all sit down again and Father Reilly starts his sermon I try to listen as best I can against a background of Yasmin whining and climbing all over me and my own body yelling at me loudly to go to the bathroom.
Father Reilly is preaching from the front in his robes about how today has been a day that many have been preparing for for a long time. A day of significance and importance and a day that will impact the future direction of so many gathered in the room. He continues on talking about events leading up to this day and how God orchestrates things in our lives to get us to certain points of real significance, pivotal moments in our life stories, times when we realise what is of most importance to us and make that brave decision to act on it even when others might not understand. Like always I am taking in every word even with Yasmin getting more and more unsettled and my legs bouncing frantically beneath her.
It’s when the children are brought forward one by one to partake in their first communion that Yasmin really starts crying. I feel like everyone in the chapel is looking at me and no matter what I do I can’t get her to quieten at all. She’s tired, over stimulated, and out of her routine, but I don’t want to miss seeing Anthony have his special moment. I keep thinking one of my siblings will take Yasmin but they don’t. Even mam just growls at me like I am a complete failure because my younger sister, her daughter, is causing such a distraction. As another girl is called forward for the special sacrament mam whispers to Niamh, who whispers to her twin Iain, who whispers to me, that I need to take Yasmin out. My face is beetroot red with embarrassment as I stand and shuffle my way out of the pew and into the vestibule. Yasmin is still not at all happy, so filled with embarrassment and upset at missing Anthony’s big moment, I shake the buggy to open it and strap Yasmin in. I step outside using the ramp to get the buggy out and walk up and down the side of the church trying to get Yasmin asleep whilst all the while still holding onto my bursting bladder. |
Chapter 50:
Liam
Holy Shit! I had no idea it was her! Every single day I spend my entire shift looking out for her, I still walk round the Bloomfield estate hoping to see her again and I still climax daily thinking of nothing else but her! And now, once again, she’s right in front of me, and not only that but she’s driving me fucking crazy with her hot pee dancing and crotch holding. My body might be physically tired but I’m rampant and horny as hell regardless, and seriously struggling to stay composed!
When she utters those immortal words ‘I’m desperate to pee’ I practically explode in my trousers! Yet despite the fact I lust after her and crave her body urgently I also feel deeply for her too. What an awful situation for her to be in! There genuinely isn’t anywhere around here that has a toilet and I’m 100% certain she won’t make it back to her own house in time either, wherever that is on the estate. I have an idea though…that’s if she’s willing to trust me.
I go as close to her as I dare, bending my own knees to get as close to her face as possible, aware that the child in the buggy is waving her arms and kicking her legs and whimpering for attention. The buggy is now in front of us both as I cup my hands to form a circle over my mouth to act as a funnel between my mouth and her ear.
“Do you think you can make it around the back? I have just put a full bin bag there. Maybe you could go behind there? I can help you get there if you want?”
I watch as she tries standing back up, though she’s anything but straight, now bent forwards at the waist with a hand still tight between her legs. With her other free hand she reaches for one of the handles of the buggy and tries to push it, but the buggy struggles to move easily and is heading more towards the grave stones than straight ahead. Desperate to help her I place my hand on the free handle and then gently remove Megan’s one hand from the other handle and take that one too. I push the buggy towards the back of the chapel building and check that Megan is following me. Looking back at her she’s almost crying struggling to hobble forwards as best she can while bent forwards and holding herself.
“It’s ok beautiful. You’re nearly there.”
I hope she isn’t put off that I called her beautiful again. It’s just that…well she absolutely is beautiful in every way possible! I get to the corner of the building with the buggy before she does and I turn the buggy to face the other way so the young child is now facing towards the car park in front of the chapel. I make sure to form a gap that Megan can squeeze past and point to where I have stood a full bin bag against the back wall of the building.
The baby in the buggy looks right up at me, her little eyes tired and tearful. She’s every but as beautiful as Megan and I instantly bend down to say hi to her and ask her her name. I know she’s probably too young to answer but it’s just natural for me to ask anyway. As Megan squeezes past me she quietly comments,
“She can’t talk yet. She has Downs.”
I look at the little girl again and notice that, though I hadn’t originally.
I know I shouldn’t look at Megan but I can’t help it. I expected her to stand right against the wall behind the bin bag but either it’s too much of an emergency or she perhaps feels no-one will see her anyway. What she does blows me away to the point I can barely breathe. If I wanted her before then I need her now! Fuck this girl just blows my mind…
She pulls her dress up, though it has already ridden up with the way she had her hand between her legs anyway. I notice for the first time that she isn’t wearing tights and her bare legs are so smooth and sexy. She stands within touching distance of me, even with the buggy in front of me, crouches down over the bin bag like it’s a toilet, pulls the gusset aside of her pants and let’s her body do what it’s clearly been desperate to do now for some time.
I don’t know if I’m trying to disguise the fact I am staring, or if it’s my need to do something with my hands to stop me stroking myself even through my clothing, but I crouch down in front of the little girl in the buggy and gently stroke her face from just under her eye to under her mouth while singing quietly ‘You are my sunshine’ just as I remember my mum doing to me when I was young. While I softly sing I can hear Megan’s pee splashing all over the bin bag and running down it. I need to concentrate hard on the words of the simple song or my head will explode with sexual yearning. I’m now singing it and stroking the little girl’s soft face for the second time and still I can hear the splashing and hissing of urine on the thin black plastic bag! It’s not until I have finished quietly singing it a third time that I realise Megan has finally stopped.
I’m aware the baby is now quiet and settled and my full attention moves to Megan as she lets go of the side of her pants, stands up in front of the bag of rubbish and smoothes her dress down. I stand up myself and stare at her longingly. Beautiful is an understatement, gorgeous an absolute definite, but exquisite is getting even closer. She’s alluring, adorable, astounding.
I thought I wanted to kiss her at the library toilet, and again at the cafe but now…now I want so much more. Not kissing her isn’t even an option! |
Chapter 57:
Megan
After reading the note dad’s written to mam I quickly slide the drawer closed and take Yasmin downstairs. Yes the tights and knickers are mine but somehow I just can’t bring myself to take them back. I think it’s best to let dad think what he likes and just pretend he’s right.
Thinking of everyone else back at chapel eating the buffet makes me suddenly realise it’s past lunchtime and I haven’t eaten. With the twins at home this weekend thankfully there’s plenty food in so making a quick sandwich is easy and I opt for the easy option for Yasmin and heat some baby food. She can eat sandwiches, of course, but they make her so messy and take her forever. I also think it best she has something warm and substantial after being sick earlier.
After we’ve both eaten I put her on the floor and sit down with her while we play with some of her toys. It’s not long before she’s finding the effort of sitting up too much though so I cuddle into her on the couch, give her some milk in her bottle and she falls asleep in my arms quickly. I could put her in her cot but with just the two of us home I take the time to treasure the moment once again getting emotional thinking of all I will miss if I move out.
I must dose off myself too as the noise of everyone coming back wakes both myself and Yasmin up with a shock. Dad, uncharacteristically, races straight upstairs and when Theresa catches my puzzled look she sits beside me and rather quietly says that he was getting quite stressed in the car waiting on mam coming out the chapel as she was talking to everyone and he mentioned he had drank too much fizzy juice.
“I think he was quite desperate to get home to use the loo. I haven’t heard him get so stressed at mam talking in a long time.”
I can’t help but think back to the note I read earlier upstairs but I still can’t imagine my own dad writing what he did. The boys have went upstairs too, more than likely to get out their smart clothes and chill in their room. Theresa goes into the kitchen to put the kettle on and Iain and Niamh both sit down and talk about how chapel was. As much as the house is busy I will still miss them both when they go back to university tomorrow night.
It’s like what we all witnessed in the chapel hall earlier with mam shouting at me never happened at all and later on dad calls the local Chinese to order take away. I shower and head to bed shortly after dinner and spend the last while before falling asleep thinking simply of my first ever kiss and how amazing it felt.
I need to get my life sorted out but while I don’t know where I might end up living, or any other jobs I might have to get to supplement my income from the McGintley’s, one thing I do know is that I want to kiss Liam again, and so much more besides! I slip my hand into my underwear beneath the duvet and recreate how he stroked and touched me there as we stood hiding behind the chapel during Anthony’s first communion. I fall asleep with my hand still there and by morning my shoulder and arm are both a little stiff.
Sunday morning is every bit as crazy in the house as Saturday was. There’s an expectation from dad that we’ll all go to mass again and once again we’re all juggling trying to access the only bathroom to use the toilet, shower, wash, brush teeth and shave. Mam must have woken early because when I get up she’s already walking around with a towel round her hair and heading downstairs. I pass her on my way to use the loo but unsurprisingly someone else beats me to it. I return to the bedroom and use what tiny space there is to find myself a pair of tights, a skirt and top, and clean underwear, almost falling on top of Niamh on the blow up mattress as I do so. I leave the clothes on my bottom bunk and try the bathroom again. Finding it still engaged I head downstairs to put the kettle on.
Mam is making a fry up and when Anthony comes down stretching I apologise, in front of mam, for missing his big moment yesterday, even though I know it wasn’t my fault. He smiles at me and shrugs. “It’s fine Meg. I could hear Yasmin crying. Just one of those things really” I’m impressed at his maturity as I head upstairs to try the bathroom again. Finding it still busy and with Theresa outside waiting I go back down to make some coffee. I sit down, while there’s a chair free, and sip my coffee, smelling breakfast cooking as Rory comes down, opening the fridge door and pouring himself some fresh orange juice while acting silly and messing about with Anthony. Mam gets annoyed and turns away from the cooker to tell him to behave when I notice he’s unable to stand still.
“Sorry mam. There’s someone in the loo and I really really need in!’
He’s not the only one!
I end up sitting right through breakfast and numerous others having showers, washing, shaving and using the toilet all while I am at my wits end still waiting to get in. Eventually I run upstairs, grab my clothes from my bed and sit at the top of the stairs holding myself one handed with my clothes in front of me so no-one sees. Finally I get into the bathroom and the relief is unbelievably! I shower very quickly with no time to wash my hair and we all head for Sunday mass, all of us walking this time despite the threat of showers in the air. |
Chapter 58:
Liam
I slip into the church and sit at the back. The inside of the building is a little intimidating at first with its huge stain glass windows, cross statue with the figure of a man on it, who I assume is Jesus even with my limited Bible knowledge, and the long wooden pews with cushions underneath. Even the smells are strange and there’s a reverential stillness and silence that unnerves me a little. I sit with my head bowed hoping no-one speaks to me but keeping one eye on the aisles in the hope of seeing Megan come in.
I’ve only been sitting a few minutes when I see Shaun, my boss, come in with a tallish blond woman who is extremely smartly dressed and with a very attractive figure. I bow my head again quickly so he doesn’t see me. Another couple come in a bit later and join them in the same row, and then, as an organ plays a repetitive old fashioned tune drearily, I see a crowd of others pour in and fill the row that Shaun is already sitting in. Only when they are all seated do I dare raise my head enough to look. There’s so many of them all squashed in the long pew but as I scan along I notice her lovely brown hair hanging loosely just like I remember it was when it was touching my shoulder on the walk from here to the cafe after my panic attack. Instinctively I reach for my shoulder as if I can still feel her hair there. God she’s so beautiful, even just the back of her head and shoulders!
I am like a fish out of water during the service, trying to copy when everyone sits,stands or kneels. There’s a lot of repeating stuff and sayng things by heart but when a man, maybe ten years or so older than me and wearing robes, starts talking from the front I do find some comfort in his words. Some of the words he uses are like a foreign language but he comes across as compassionate, kind and…real. I always imagined ministers and priests to be above us ordinary people but despite his bizarre choice of clothing he looks and sounds more like a next door neighbour type person than a religious nut. However nice he sounds though I can’t take my eyes off that brown haired beauty sitting six rows in front of me.
I slip out as soon as I see the first person put their coat on. I don’t want anyone to talk to me, not unless their name is Megan Murphy that is! I stand to the side of the large wide steps, tucking myself in at the corner, as everyone comes out. I have no idea how I intend getting Megan’s attention but I’m hoping something comes to me quickly! Then it happens….I see her step out and down the stairs surrounded by so many other adults, one carrying an older baby, and two younger smartly dressed boys. I want to call her name but one of the people I notice is Shaun and I lose my nerve just at the last second. Instead I follow behind another family heading to the car park and, keeping my distance, I follow the large group with Megan in back towards the Bloomfield estate.
I’m close enough that I can still hear their voices but back enough that none of them notice me. The clouds are ominous and I feel spits of rain on my cheeks. They all turn a corner and chat while walking, with the younger of the boys falling slightly behind to tie his laces before racing to catch them back up. I walk slower and cross the road so I’m not noticed and when they all turn into a small cul-de-sac I count the numbers to work out what number house it is then turn quickly and jog back to my flat before the heavens open.
I get in just as the downpour starts, put Megan’s address in the notes in my phone, change back into my jeans and t-shirt and rustle up something to eat and drink. I can’t stop thinking of Megan recalling every time we have met from the launderette, to the library toilet, to her finding me after my panic attack and then just yesterday at the back of the chapel. The more I let my mind wander the hornier I get until I can feel my erection pressing for my urgent attention. I could easily, very easily, let my body explode but instead I dig around the flat for some paper and a pen and sit at my small dining table drinking coffee and eating while trying to write a note for a beautiful young lady that I can’t imagine ever not seeing again.
It takes me six attempts to get something down. It’s not much but it’s from my heart. I look everywhere in the flat for envelopes and have to finally resort to reusing one that was used to send a letter to me. It’s one of those plastic window envelopes so at least my address isn’t just scored out and I take a lot of effort to fold the letter to Megan in such a way that I can write her name and address on the other side and it can be seen through the plastic window. I’m just thinking of hand delivering it when I overthink everything and panic that without a stamp on it would be obvious it’s been hand delivered which could mean someone else opens it. I dig through my paper bin and manage to stick a used stamp on.
I don’t care that it’s now raining heavy, I just pull the hood up on my coat, tuck the letter in the inside pocket, and run all the way to the Bloomfield estate and to Megan’s house, quickly post the letter and race all the way back.
I arrive back thoroughly soaked and as I peel off my wet clothes I feel a strong need to piss suddenly. I am on my way to the toilet when I hear my mobile get a text. Standing in just my boxers I hobble to my living room and, clutching my dick tightly in desperation, I want to cry in relief: my small bridging loan has been approved and the money transferred to my credit card account, which thankfully should mean my rent direct debit will go through tomorrow and not bounce. I will need to pay the loan back but I can at least stay in Bangor for a while yet.
I run to the bathroom delighted to not only be able to empty my bladder but to have finally found out where my beloved Megan lives and be able to pay my rent. Hopefully Megan gets my note and she calls me. That would be the icing on the cake of it all today. |
A little bonus for you all tonight…an additional chapter today!
Chapter 61:
Megan
Monday morning mam doesn’t even get out her bed. Theresa leaves for work early, as does dad, and I make sure the boys are up and away to school in time with everything they need. I get Yasmin washed and dressed and put the washing machine on. Then when I go to make myself a coffee I realise we are low on milk. Checking the bread bin I see we need bread too so I check the fridge and decide I had better take Yasmin with me to the supermarket. I knock mam’s bedroom door and after she’s shouted at me for disturbing her she does at least give me some cash for food. I put Yasmin in her buggy and pray the rain stays off as I push her to the big Tesco and get what we need.
Coming back home I pick up the post, put the buggy away, see to Yasmin, make myself another coffee and put the stuff I bought away. As I go back into the living room where Yasmin is happily bouncing in her jumperoo I flick through the mail and I’m surprised to see two letters for me. I open the first one and read it through three times in shock. Smiling to myself I pick Yasmin up to change her and make us some lunch and we’re just heading into the kitchen to eat it when the house phone rings.
It’s Liz asking if I can change the days I get Chelsea this week, which isn’t a problem at all. She then starts telling me about how stressed she is over Chelsea’s school bus because the escort has left and she doesn’t think it’s safe having so many children with high needs on the bus with just the driver. I put Yasmin down to finish my coffee and listen to Liz while I watch Yasmin as she crawls and rolls around on the floor contentedly. Liz then apologises to me saying that she needs to go as I hear her mobile ringing in the background.
It isn’t until after lunch that I notice I haven’t opened that other letter yet. As Yasmin sits on the couch propped up with cushions with her bottle of milk I open the other letter and have to sit down on the couch to steady myself. How did he get my address? I’m not scared, more amazed, and thrilled. I read it over and over again while Yasmin watches Mr Tumble on TV. He’s given me his mobile number. God how I wish I had a mobile to call him right now! I daren’t use the home phone as dad always complains about the cost of calling mobiles but Liam has written that if I want I can meet him outside the council offices when he finishes work at 4:30 on certain days this week. I’m not sure when dad will be home but I’m fairly sure Theresa should be home early as she said last night she was on an early shift today.
Yasmin is starting to dose so I pick her up and take her upstairs where I knock mam’s door and put Yasmin in her cot. Mam’s sitting up in bed reading something and I notice out the corner of my eye that her bedside drawer is open. Suspecting it’s the note that dad wrote I get out the room quickly and head next door to my own room to change into something nicer to meet Liam later. On the set of drawers I notice Theresa’s iPad charging. It’s not locked so I borrow it hoping she won’t mind as I sit on my bottom bunk looking through rightmove for any places to rent in Bangor.
I must be looking at the sixth or seventh place when I can’t get comfortable any more on the bed. I’m so engrossed in what I am doing I don’t realise how much I need to pee. The tingling and pressure reminds me of so many times with Liam, and thinking about meeting him, combined with how engrossed I am on the website, mean I continue to squirm and fidget and hold myself while browsing online and letting my mind wander. I stay like that for ages getting more and more fidgety and squirmy until I hear someone come in the front door and I accidentally leak a bit with the fright.
Whoever it is better not come upstairs to use the toilet. I’ve been holding on so long I need to pee NOW!
Terrified I’ll pee myself on my own bed I run to the bathroom just as dad comes upstairs.
“Oh Meg, don’t tell me you’re going to the bathroom please! I’ve been needing to go for ages on the bus. I’ll not be long, promise.”
I run back to my room alternating between bouncing on my bed frantically and leaning on the drawers holding myself marching on the spot. I even look all round the room for anything I can possibly pee in but I can’t see anything. I’m so desperate as I rest the iPad on the top of the drawers and type in my details to apply to view a flat to rent. I’m sure any second I’m going to pee myself but then dad calls to say he’s out and I run into the bathroom. Not stopping to even close the door, I lift my skirt up and, before I can even pull my pants down, my urethra gives in and I pee hard and fast through my underwear into the toilet.
I know I shouldn’t, especially with the toilet door not shut, but I can’t help feeling my wet knickers and enjoying the warmth and wetness against my lady parts. Feeling naughty, sexy, and very un-Catholic like, I leave my soaking wet knickers on, wash my hands, clear the history from Theresa’s iPad and put it back on charge where I found it, then slip my shoes and anorak on and head out with the letter from Liam in the back pocket of my denim skirt. |
Chapter 62:
Liam
I put my arm round Megan as we sit on the bench together and she casually asks how my day has been and how I got her address. I tell her about googling the chapel and coming to the service yesterday and then following her home before running back in the pouring rain with the letter. She looks at me puzzled and tells me that she only found the letter today with this mornings mail and had assumed with it having a stamp that it had been posted. I smile back and kiss her forehead, so glad that she at least got it, read it and wanted to see me again. The whole time my legs are crossed, my toes are curled in my trainers and my dick is throbbing inside my trousers urgently screaming at me for release.
I casually ask about her day while changing position a bit, constantly being tormented by the sound and sight of the fountain right in front of us. I listen intently as she tells me, in that beautiful lovely voice of hers, how her mam has been sick in bed today and she’s been looking after her sister all day but that she’s thinking of getting her own place and she’s been looking at places to rent. A horrible thought comes to my mind and I turn to face her, my back tense and the arm that was behind her now pressing hard on the top of my thigh. I look her in the eye worriedly.
“You’re not thinking of leaving Bangor are you?”
To my huge relief she smiles, her whole face lighting up as she quickly replies saying of course she isn’t as she has a job here and her family is here and how would she get to St Mary’s chapel if she didn’t live in Bangor? I sit back, delighted to hear that, but extremely desperate none the less to piss. I twist my body on the bench, but regardless what position I try to sit in it’s no use. I’m going to have to broach the subject, however I can, and very quickly, because I’ve been desperate now for ages and my capacity to hold on is waining fast!
The thing is I really don’t want to leave Megan, not without arranging to meet again and finally getting her number this time. I fidget again, leaning forwards and trying to look like I’m ok even though I’m anything but. Then she looks at me in a way that’s inquisitive and pitiful, but somewhat playful too.
Putting her hand close to mine on my upper leg she whispers words that excite me, embarrass me and relieve me all at once.
“Liam, are you needing the toilet?”
I look right into her eyes, covering my crotch with one of my hands and slowly nod. She takes my other hand in hers and holds in between both of hers, leaning in and kissing my cheek then whispering in my ear something that sends shivers down my spine.
“I love seeing you holding it. Have you had to go long?”
My mouth is suddenly dry and my throat hoarse. I have to squeeze myself to keep holding and one of my legs is shaking. Nervously, and very embarrassingly, I confess to the girl of my dreams that I’m always bursting after work because I don’t have access to any toilets when out and I always end up racing home to go. I’m not sure what I expect her to say to this revelation but I absolutely don’t expect, even in my wildest dreams, to hear her say what she says next.
Checking no-one is around she shyly moves her hand a little further up my upper leg, leaning right into me as my head is now lowered and I’m squeezing myself and squirming on the bench.
“Do you remember meeting me in the launderette that time? I was so bursting for so long that day that I don’t even know how I managed to hold as long as I did. That was the first I’ve ever wet myself you know. But since then I have had an accident at home too. It’s a bit of a long story but I accidentally peed myself in my parents room and had to grab some spare bedding out of their wardrobe to stop their carpet getting soaking wet. Then today, just before I came to meet you, I had a bit of an accident too…”
Fuck! Now I don’t just have an imperative need to piss but I’m suddenly turned on so much I could fuck the bloody fountain. Scissoring my legs while I hold my dick by a death grip I have to ask…
“What sort of accident?”
“I got distracted looking at places to rent online and I didn’t realised how desperate I was to go and then my dad came home and he went to the toilet. I was climbing the walls with the pressure and the urgency was relentless. I really didn’t want to have an accident because I had picked this skirt especially to meet you, but it was bad, really really bad. Dad got out just in time though and I got into the bathroom and got this skirt up but…”
She puts her mouth right to my ear, moves her hand up my thigh even closer towards my crotch, and finishes what she’s saying while I now have both my hands on my dick and I’m sucking air through my teeth trying so hard not to pee my trousers despite how hard I am.
“I didn’t get my underwear down in time. I can still feel them wet now.”
Grabbing her face in my hands I kiss her deeply and frenziedly even though letting go of my dick risks the inevitable happening.
Megan, the angel that she is, moves her hand a little further up again and she’s now pressing hard right at the very tip of my very erect dick. I’m just not sure if that’s going to be enough though, regardless how fucking amazing it feels. |
Chapter 55:
Megan
As if getting home absolutely soaked to the skin isn’t stressful enough I come in the front door to carnage.
Mam is nowhere to be seen, neither is Theresa, I can smell something burning, hear a door slamming upstairs, Yasmin crying and something being ripped. I race to the kitchen, my clothes still dripping everywhere, where dad is pulling the oven door open and I can see whatever he has tried to cook burnt to a cinder and smoke filling the room. I grab a tea towel, flap it over the smoke and run and open the back door to prevent the smoke alarms going crazy. Dad is shouting and very stressed but he’s otherwise ok so I head into the living room next door and find Yasmin in her jumperoo crying. Picking her up I can smell her right away but before I can see to that I notice Rory in front of the TV on the floor ripping up a school jotter in anger. I grab the jotter pages out his hand with Yasmin still in my arms and my wet hair dripping everywhere.
“Rory calm down! What’s wrong?”
“My teacher wouldn’t listen when I said I didn’t know how to do my work and she told me I had to do all the stuff I didn’t get done in school for homework tonight. I came home angry and crying and you weren’t here! Dad and Anthony tried helping me but then dad forgot about dinner, Yasmin is crying so I can’t concentrate and Anthony stormed off to his room slamming the doors. I HATE school and I’m never going back, ok!”
I hug him, making him soaking wet as I haven’t even taken my anorak off yet but he clings to me regardless. I kiss his forehead and tell him to go get out his uniform while I change Yasmin and sort out dinner for everyone. I lie Yasmin on the floor and sort her out all the time hearing dad crashing and banging in the kitchen next door and noticing the ripped pages from Rory’s school work on the carpet everywhere. Once Yasmin is freshened up I take her in the kitchen, strap her in her high chair and help dad in the kitchen.
I should have been home preventing all this happening instead of chasing after some English litter picker and telling him about my wet pants! I smile at dad who is now emptying the kitchen bin to get rid of all the burnt food as I open the fridge to get some mince, carrot, onion, peppers and garlic. I boil some pasta, lightly fry the mince and veg and add a jar of bolognaise sauce. Dad calls the boys down for dinner and over the pasta meal I finally find out all that happened after school. Rory is still upset so I promise him I’ll call school tomorrow and sort things and Anthony quietly apologises for storming off. I ask about Theresa who apparently has gone to visit nan and papa after work and dad asks how mam has been. He doesn’t look at all surprised when I say she hasn’t got out of bed all day. I’m waiting for someone, anyone, to ask where I was but none of them do. Instead the atmosphere lightens considerably when Anthony points at little Yasmin and we all laugh at the state she’s in. Even her hair is bright red with the sauce from her dinner.
“Anyone fancy some ice cream? I’m guessing little miss is getting a bath tonight anyway don’t you?”
I supervise three baths plus hair washing and reassure Rory several times more that I will sort out school in the morning. Anthony asks if they can play computer for a bit and I leave them to it while I warm some milk for Yasmin and get her settled for bed. Theresa arrives home late carrying a fish supper in her hands and she takes it upstairs to check on mam. Settling the boys next door I hear her and mam chatting away in mam’s room and I am thankful that Theresa might manage to get mam to eat something and be there for her. Mam won’t even let me in her room let alone sit next to her on her bed chatting and sharing chips. I do at least get in to put Yasmin in her cot, though both Theresa and mam immediately stop chatting while I am there.
Downstairs dad is sleeping in front of the TV so I make him a coffee while making myself a tea and then I head to bed exhausted. It’s only when I am finally alone in the room I share with my sister that I get any chance to think about Liam. Changing into my nighty I reread his note over and over. If only I had a mobile. If only I could text him!
The next morning I put Yasmin in her buggy and walk her to school with the boys. While Anthony goes to the playground I go to the school office with Rory. The Headteacher has thankfully changed since my time at St. Christopher’s and he takes the time to listen to Rory and even goes to the storage cupboard to get him a new maths jotter. He promises me he will speak to the teacher then sends Rory back to class. Just as i’m about to leave with Yasmin in her buggy he turns and asks how things are at home. I’m furious! What business is it of his? I lie and say all is great and get out of there quickly.
My intention is to somehow be at the fountain again at 4:30 to meet Liam but then I remember I need to be at the McGintley’s at 5 for my shift with Courtney. After last night I’m worried about leaving the boys and Yasmin so I spend the day getting everything organised by preparing a slow cooker meal, setting out the kid’s pyjamas and after school clothes ready and making sure Yasmin is clean and sorted before I leave.
When the boys get home from school I check their homework and sit with them both at the kitchen table to get it done before dinner. Rory says he’s had a better day but still struggling and Anthony tells me all about his school topic. I explain about looking after Courtney and they are both happier knowing when I will be home. Dad and Theresa both get in just as I’m dishing up dinner and we all eat together, with dad taking some up to mam, before I go to work.
Throughout it all my mind and thoughts drift every chance I get to Liam. If only I had a way of letting him know I still very much want to see him again… |
Chapter 65:
Megan
Sex with Liam leaves me feeling special and sexy but suddenly so utterly desperate to pee that I am convinced I will wee all over the arm chair in my own living room! It’s almost as if having Liam’s penis inside me pulled the seal away from the end of my exhausted urethra or having his cum in my vagina inexplicably added to the already full load in my bladder causing it to overflow. I know biologically neither is possible but as I squirm naked trying valiantly to hold back my thought are so clouded by my overcoming need to urinate that nothing makes sense.
I can’t possibly risk running upstairs naked and mam seeing me, and to be truthful I know I wouldn’t make it on time anyway. I’m forced to ask, beg even, Liam to help me. I watch as he scans the room quickly before heading into the kitchen next door. Biting my lip and holding myself I squirm behind him thinking that if I burst all over the floor then cleaning up the kitchen linoleum will be so much easier than the living room carpet. As Liam flusters around looking I dance around naked telling him I am about to pee everywhere and begging him to hurry whilst purposely keeping my voice low so as not to wake either Yasmin or mam.
“Do you want a bottle Megan? Or a pot? Or a jug? What am I looking for?”
“Anything! Liam just hand me that saucepan from the sink…quick!”
He reaches over and I watch in slow motion as he carefully lifts the pan as quietly as possible out of the sink where I left it after using it to make scrambled egg earlier. While I know it’s only a few seconds the time it seems to take him to take a few steps towards me and turn the saucepan around so that I can grab the handle seem to last hours and are agony as I twist and contort my body in a effort to keep hanging on. I was raised with manners but I don’t even have time to say thank you as I grab it unceremoniously out his hand, hold it between my legs and bend my knees just in time as a fountain pours out from between my legs filling and foaming in the metal saucepan causing little pieces of left over scrambled egg to float in clumps on top. After around 30 seconds of intense peeing I look up at Liam who is staring at me intently. I wink and smile, and looking right into his eyes I can finally mouth ‘thank you!’.
The constant trickle of pee feels everlasting as I feel like the weight of the world has just been lifted off my shoulders. Still crouched down and letting the last of my bladder empty I look up at Liam standing awkwardly watching me. There’s so much unspoken between us, so much connection, so many emotions rushing through my mind, but right this second one thing just needs to be said,
“Liam…you’ve missed a button on your shift, one side is longer than the other and you look like a little orphan without a mammy.”
I pull the pan from between my legs, walk past Liam and pour the contents down the sink before rinsing the pan and leaving it back in the sink with the other lunch dishes. I can hear Liam quietly unbuttoning and refastening his shirt behind me as I open the tumble dryer and rummage for any clean clothes of mine to put on quickly in case anyone comes home or mam comes downstairs. I can’t find any pants or even a bra but I slip into one of my unironed skirts and a t-shirt before going back into the living room to check on Yasmin. Liam follows, his shirt now buttoned correctly as he pulls his socks and trainers on silently.
I can’t help watching him thinking how much I really really like him when I hear the front gate open. Panicking Liam hobbles into the kitchen urgently, still with one lace untied, as I rush behind him into the kitchen to wash the dishes like nothing has been going on. I open the back door and shoo Liam out quickly as he winks at me and blows me a kiss before disappearing around the back of the house against the wall waiting until the coast is clear to leave. I close the back door just as Theresa walks through the living room and right into the kitchen as I turn the hot tap on to start washing dishes.
My heart is pounding in my chest, and my mind racing so much that even though I know Theresa is there I still jump when she speaks to me.
“Fancy a coffee Meg?”
I turn around feeling adrenaline soaring through every fibre of my being. Seeing her standing there in her grey uniform, her hair tied sensibly back in a pony tail like mine and her innocent smile I can hardly reply let alone look her in the eye.
“You’ve got your top on inside out Meg. Don’t tell me you’ve been wearing it like that all day?”
Suddenly I remember my bra and knickers lying on the living room floor next door and my urine soaked clothes in the washing machine. Father Reilly would be so ashamed of me but I just add to the intense guilt I already feel by inventing an impulsive lie.
“Yasmin had a bit of an accident. Not her fault but just bad timing when I was changing her nappy. Peed all over me so I just had to grab something out the dryer quickly.”
I need to get next door and hide my underwear before Theresa, or anyone else, sees it. I’m not even sure I can think up an adequate lie to explain those. Leaving the dishes half done I rush to dry my hands on the tea towel by the door then almost run into the living room.
“Just checking on Yasmin. Coffee would be lovely please!” |
Chapter 71:
Megan
I only need to look at the boys to see neither of them are fit for school this morning. I wait until 8:45 then call St. Christopher’s school and report them both absent. I’m so grateful it’s an answer machine which saves me having to speak to a real person. The boys are just managing to eat some cereal in the kitchen when their uncle Shaun arrives, much to their delight. He hugs his younger brothers tight then fills the kettle and puts it on. The house is busy with dad home and Theresa off work too.
Dad doesn’t look liked he’s slept much at all as he comes down stairs in his pyjamas carrying Yasmin. I take the baby off him and take her to the kitchen where her uncle Shaun immediately makes a huge fuss of her. Theresa is talking in the other room on her mobile and I wonder if she’s talking to the hospital or one of the twins. I make some porridge for Yasmin and myself, barely managing to function as I slept so badly.
Aisling pops round about 10ish to see if there’s any update and Shaun, dad, Theresa, Aisling and myself sit at the kitchen table drinking tea, coffee and juice as we all struggle to take in what happened yesterday.
“I feel terrible you know. I’ve been so busy with work and my honeymoon and our new house I haven’t been here enough to spend time with mam. I just thought she was doing ok, what with your wedding after mine Aisling, then Ant’s first communion and that. I still can’t believe it. She seemed….I don’t know…well?…on Saturday at chapel.”
Has everyone forgotten how man shouted at me in the hall and how she had the photo taken without Yasmin or myself in? I want to scream at Shaun for even thinking her outburst meant she was ‘well’ but then maybe everyone is just so used to mam being like that with me that it’s deemed normal now?
“You’re not the only one feeling terrible Shaun. I’ve been feeling so sorry for myself with this terrible morning sickness that I haven’t been round to see mam enough either. She always seems in good spirits whenever I am around though and so excited to be a gran soon. I just don’t get it.”
“I can’t believe I devote my whole working life to caring for people yet right in front of my own eyes my own mam was needing care and I wasn’t here to give her it. Talk about feeling shit!”
Other than dad I’m the only one remaining quiet. I sip my tea listening to the distant sound of the TV next door, the boys quietly playing and Yasmin hitting her favourite toys in her jumperoo. The silence in the kitchen is heavy and interrupted only by dad with his head bowed.
“Graciously hear our prayers that we offer to you, O God. We present our petitions through St. Peregrine, your beloved servant and patron saint of those who are suffering, and through St. Jude, your other servant and patron saint of desperate situations. Grant that your servant, our much loved mam and wife, your beloved Mary Caterina Murphy, may receive help in her time of need through the intercession of your saints Peregrine and Jude ,whose lives were so pleasing to you. Help us in our time of need too. Hear us in the name of Christ our Lord, Amen.”
With all our heads bowed we dutifully and respectfully repeat with dad, as we have done all our lives in chapel:
“St Peregrine, pray for us! O Mary, health of the sick, pray for us! Amen”
The thing about someone praying that I’ve always wondered about ever since I was Rory’s age, or maybe even younger, is why everyone is quiet still after the prayer finishes? It’s like the ultimate conversation ender. No-one ever, in the Murphy house anyway, wants to be the first to speak after anyone has prayed. So we sit there in silence, everyone with their heads bowed awkwardly, and I wonder just how many of the others feel the same compelling need to go to confession as soon as possible as I do?
Finally the house phone rings and Theresa answers it. She doesn’t say much as a sea of anxious faces watch on eager for any news. She returns a few minutes later to give a solemn update that mam has had her stomach pumped and is in high dependency where she can have one visitor at a time. Immediately I know, without even asking, that that will never be me.
Shaun leaves after lunch promising to pop back later with Lilly to help with the boys and Yasmin while I have work. Later I walk to the McGintley’s in a daze and find that even there sadness seems to have somehow spread. Liz tells me how unhappy Chelsea has been but how school are saying she’s fine there and how Liz has a horrible feeling it’s the lack of escort now on the school bus. I take Chelsea ten pin bowling but no matter how much I try to distract her she is withdrawn, unsettled and generally unhappy. Even though Liz has reassured me it’s not me I still feel such a failure.
Back home, after visiting man in hospital, dad tells us that mam had no idea he was there but that she seemed at peace lying in the bed despite all the wires and machines attached to her. I can see tonight how gaunt and old dad suddenly looks and when the younger ones are asleep and Theresa goes upstairs to get an early night dad suddenly starts talking to me quietly like he has so much he really needs to confess. I listen quietly as he talks about how he tried to reconnect with his wife in the last few months through writing her notes and how he thought she was starting to respond more when he found signs she was reading them with little things like her making a fry up one morning like she did when we were all young, wearing his favourite dress to the communion last weekend and wearing the watch he bought her for Christmas the year after Anthony was born when he was so proud of her for finally having another baby after me.
It’s sweet, and heartbreaking, and so beautiful, that is until he goes on to talk about the last letter he wrote, the one I accidentally read with my knickers and tights attached. |
Chapter 72:
Liam
I feel tired, washed out and a bit lost on Friday. I have so much to look forward to with starting work full time next week, the prospect of seeing my aunt if she visits, and going for a night out with my best friend Gareth tomorrow, but my life just seems so empty still without seeing Megan.
After a later than normal breakfast and a second coffee I head out for a walk hoping the fresh air will perk up my mood. The weather has finally improved from the rain earlier in the week and I find myself hoping that it stays more settled from now on especially now I will be working outside full time from next week. I have just locked my door when my mobile rings. It’s the guy from the money place in the council that I met with last week checking if I ever went to the food bank and that my bridging loan to pay my rent went through earlier in the week. I update him and thank him for his help as I walk down towards the sea front when he suggests I pop in to see him this morning to get another voucher again. I’m unsure how I feel about this but he’s quite insistent so I reluctantly agree.
I take a bit of time to sit on the sea front wall first, dangling my legs over precariously as the drop is substantial, as I watch the waves of the sea coming in and out, boats and ferries in the distance and birds flying freely. It was the lure of the sea that drew me here when I first found the flat online, but now as lovely as the sea is, it’s definitely a certain Irish girl who is keeping me here more than anything else.
It’s a few miles walk to the council offices from the shore but a pleasant enough one. I’m tempted to stroll past Woodburn Close on my way but decide I’ll wait until I have my shifts for next week first. Walking past the cafe I had lunch in with Megan last week after my panic attack, then walking past all the shops on the high street I remember looking in when she suddenly left the cafe and I was chasing after her, then finally arriving at the fountain where I sat beside her on Monday after work, all reminds me just how much I really like and miss Megan. Just before I go in I check my phone and see I still haven’t had a text regarding my new shifts so I decide to kill two birds with one stone and after I have picked up the voucher from the money guy I will enquire wether Shaun has my shifts for me yet.
After letting reception know where I am going I take the stairs to floor 3 and take a seat in the waiting room. Sitting on the cold plastic chair I remember so well my time here last week and how I sat in this exact same seat squirming as I was in such a state needing to piss. I remember the man showing me finally where the gents was and my amazement at how long he himself peed when he came along too. I’m interrupted by the same voice I remember from last week when my name is called. I smile politely and follow him to his room.
“Good morning Mr. Jude. You look a lot more relaxed today. I had an email telling me the loan went through so I hope that helped. I’ve had another look at your income and expenditure again and wondered if you’ve had any thoughts about looking for a second job or one with more hours? I’m afraid much as I would love there to be government benefits to help you more you don’t currently qualify for anything hence why I have no hesitation in giving you another food bank voucher. Please don’t hesitate to use the service. That’s why it is there and by utilising it you are not just helping yourself but helping to highlight further the gaps in the welfare system that really need changing. I have also highlighted to the local authority myself how expecting employees to work so long before being paid in arrears is putting people in crisis. I can assure you you are not the first person to come to me with this same struggle.”
I smile politely, embarrassed still to be here and mortified that someone has discussed my financial situation, even if anonymously and with the best intentions. Red faced and ashamed I do at least manage to share that I have been given full time hours and he genuinely seems so pleased. I take the referral letter and voucher, shake his hand and head out. I put the letter and voucher in my pocket and walk back along the high street, popping into WH Smith’s on the way to see if they have any cheap blank cards. I find myself drawn to the bookmark stand and, lost in my own thoughts, I stand and read some of the cardboard laminated book marks. One of them really draws me and seeing the price I decide to buy it.
Back at the flat I dig in the fridge and cupboards for something for lunch and decide to start writing a note for Megan just using the cheap pad I have lying around as the cards were all too expensive. It’s only when I start writing as I am eating that I kick myself for forgetting to ask in the council building if Shaun had my shifts yet! Frustrated I reluctantly call the building and suffer the horrible automated menu and cheesy music on hold until I finally get through to the cleansing department. Initially I get transferred to Shaun’s answer machine and after leaving a message I get angry at having to call again and go through it all once more until finally I speak to a human, only to be told Shaun is still off but an email will be set with my new shifts. I sigh, hang up the call and finish my third coffee of the day. |
(This chapter took a long time to write and prof read and my underwear was definitely not dry by the time I had finished it. Enjoy!)
Chapter 73:
Megan
Even though I’ve read the letter dad is talking about it still seems hard to believe. Dad pours his heart out to me as we sit in the dim light of the living room lamp as I notice on the clock that it’s just past midnight. I find out so much I had no idea about as dad tells me how shaken mam was the day a routine scan showed I had an abnormality and how she blamed herself for being so complacent with it being her 5th pregnancy. Even when I was born fine mam was too afraid to leave me, fearing something might happen to me and as a result she struggled to bond like she had with al the others.
Dad gets emotional sipping at his coffee as he confesses how he found solace during that time by going to chapel more but how mam convinced herself he was having an affair when in fact he was only at confession or mass. I suddenly recall long forgotten times when younger of mam and dad arguing in the kitchen while I played with my older siblings. I always thought I was to blame and finally I can see that it wasn’t my fault at all. Dad talks quietly about how he tried making it up to mam and proving to her that she was the only woman he wanted but how even that backfired when she fell pregnant after a few years but went on to lose the baby. I sit there quietly with tears building behind my eyes as I sip my tea and listen. I had no idea mam had ever miscarried after having me.
“That’s why that watch meant so much. When your mam fell pregnant again with Anthony I promised her this time things would be different and bought her that watch with a promise that I would be hers for as long as time kept going. She was so thrilled with Anthony and felt it was like a fresh start. Then we had the most amazing surprise again with Rory. 8 seemed such a round and perfect number of kids and with Shaun getting engaged to Lilly and moving out and Aisling hooked up with Harrison everyone was shocked when mam started putting on weight suddenly and looking pale. She thought she was just at that age and she was near 18 weeks gone before we even knew about Yasmin. Her birth was quick, easy and sudden but the shock your mam received when she took her alone for her 6 week checkup is something that changed everything. Your mam hasn’t been right since but lately it’s just got worse since Yasmin turned 1 and your mam, I think, finally has to accept that she’s never going to be like the rest of you.”
Dad pauses to sigh and finish his coffee. It’s late, we are both mentally and emotionally drained and neither of us have slept properly since Theresa found mam in bed unconscious, yet still I feel obliged and compelled to get us both another hot drink. When I return dad continues as if i’d never left.
“I love your mam with all my heart Megan. When she told me the day Yasmin turned 1 that she didn’t think she could carry on I tried everything to show her she could and give her a reason to keep going. I believe Anthony’s first communion was an answer to my prayers. I started writing her little notes but then when I saw her dress one day in her wardrobe I wrote a longer letter telling her how I remembered seeing her wearing that dress for the first time and how beautiful she looked in it. When we went out for the day getting things for the communion she looked at outfits for herself in so many shops but she said everything made her look too old, too young or too fat. Then we saw this sweet cardigan and I said she’d look amazing wearing it with that dress. I wasn’t sure she heard me, or wanted to hear me, so I wrote her a note and when she wore it I felt like I’d won the lottery. Then I wrote one saying how she’ll make such a wonderful grandma to our Aisling’s baby and reminding her of all the brilliant times we’d had when you were all small and the holidays and parties and even the everyday events like meals. I ended that one saying no-one makes a fry up like she does and next morning I woke to her cooking a fry up on the day of Anthony’s communion!
I thought I was doing the right thing Meg. I really did. But after my last letter she hasn’t even looked at me in the eye. I’ve made her worse. I know I have.”
I sip my tea, my cheeks warming from the heat of the drink but also what I am about to ask.
“What was so wrong with the last letter then dad?”
“Remember the day we went out to get things organised for Ant’s communion? Well we started at the cake shop and ordered that then I drove your mam to the retail park and we had a drive through coffee and sat talking before going into the huge Marks and Spencer’s and looking for dresses for Yasmin and suits for the boys. After that we went for lunch. During lunch your mam whispered that she needed a wee but you know how she hates public toilets so she said she’d wait until we got home. She started giggling like she was young again and I loved it. We still needed clothes and shoes for me so I suggested we called into Next before home. Your mam was just so happy and excited I forgot all about her needing to pee. In Next she was in high spirits teasing me suggesting I wore this bright pink shirt and hideous tie and her girlish movements and laughing was so lovely that I took my time choosing stuff. At the checkout she was antsy and dancing to the shop music and making everyone smile. That’s my Mary Catalina at her best.
In the car we had to wait a bit as another car had broken down and the RAC van was blocking me reversing. Your Mam started chatting about the time we broke down going to your Uncle Paul’s wedding and how she had to hold Niamh over the railings on the hard shoulder to pee because she was so desperate. That’s when I noticed she was squirming a lot and I asked if she was ok. She giggled saying she was really bursting and had been for ages ever since lunch and if I didn’t get her home soon she’d wet her knickers and tights. I felt terrible that I’d forgotten she had to pee so much and promised her I’d not let her wet herself. The whole drive home she just kept giggling saying she was so desperate and holding herself and telling me I was mean to have taken so long in Next and if she had an accident I would be to blame. She was happier than I’d seen her for ages Meg and when we pulled up at the house I kept the central locking on and kissed her and told her I loved her even though I could see how urgently she had to use the bathroom.
She ran straight upstairs as soon as we got home and I thought she must have made it on time but then there was all that stuff with Rory being sick and I forgot all about it until I went to bed that night and felt the carpet in our room was damp. I tried to think what might have distracted her from making it to the bathroom when I thought of Yasmin and I found mam’s wet knickers and tights hidden under her cot with a cot sheet. My poor wife ended up wetting herself because of me! I felt so awful for delaying her that I washed all her stuff and wrote a note apologising telling her how I know how it feels to not get to go when you really really need to and how I myself had an accident at work one day because I had been in a long meeting and been so desperate to go and how Maria at work had helped me to save me going home wet.
Now I think she thinks I am a failure and that I think she’s one too because she obviously tried to hide what happened but then her idiot of a husband had to bring it up and wrap her clean stuff up instead of just putting it away and saying nothing. And she probably thinks I’m having some affair again with Maria. What a mess Megan. What a total mess!” |
Apologies for delay! My kids have Covid 😢
Chapter 74:
Liam
After lunch I decide to just head to the food bank since I have nothing else to do. I walk via Megan’s and drop a note through her door with the bookmark and my address. She already has my number though, very frustratingly, she can’t call me. I long to knock her door, kiss her and hold her but as she lives with her family the thought someone else might answer scares me too much. God I miss her so badly though that it hurts. We haven’t had any contact at all since I had to rush out her house after we made love on Wednesday afternoon, which feels an eternity ago even though it was just 2 days ago.
After dropping the note through her letterbox I walk on to the food bank. I’m warmly welcomed and as before I leave with bags full of tins, cereal, bread, milk, cartons, fresh fruit and so much more. I head back to my flat but stop at one point to answer my mobile. As it’s Gareth I stand at the side of the pavement chatting as we make arrangements to meet up tomorrow night. Once we both say goodbye I pick up the heavy bags and continue walking home. I put the shopping away and make myself a cup of coffee. I’m just taking it to the table when my mobile rings again.
I sit down to answer it and I’m glad I do! The female voice on the other end sounds anxious and unsure. She I asks if I am Liam Jude and when I confirm this she goes quiet for a second before introducing herself as Leah Luciana Santos.
“I think I am your sister.”
I go quiet, staring into my cup of hot coffee completely unsure how to react or what I should say. After I shake my head in shock I clear my throat and reply.
“I have no idea. I haven’t seen my mum in person in over 2 years now and she left to live in abroad over 16 years ago. Can I ask how you got my details?”
She goes on to say how she got my number from her mum’s mobile. I wonder if she found it by accident or if mum even told her about me, but already she sounds emotional and anxious.
“I had no idea about you until yesterday. Well not for definite anyway. I’d just got back from dad’s and found mum lying on the kitchen floor. She’s not been well for such a long time but she refused to tell me what the doctors were saying. She was rushed to hospital and admitted and thankfully they let me stay with her. It was as I watched her being hooked up to machines that she finally confessed to me just how ill she really is.”
There’s a pause as the young sounding girl sobs a little.
“She’s on dialysis now for chronic kidney failure. Her only hope is a kidney transplant and the doctor said her best chance of that working is a living relative. I said I was her only child and that’s when mum whispered your name. I know you probably have no idea who I am either but…well if she’s your mum I thought you at least should know.”
I have no proof of who this girl is but something within me tells me instantly that she’s telling the truth. Despite my mum now being close to turning 50 she always did act like she was younger than me, at least from the few times I saw her. Even when I was growing up I remember being left with teenage babysitters or aunt Ella on Friday and Saturday nights while mum went out. She often had boyfriends over for parties and even did a spate working as a barmaid, loving it when people bought her drinks. The last time she called she even sounded like she was in a bar somewhere drinking.
I sip my coffee keen to suddenly know so much more about the sister I never knew I had.
“Mum drank a lot when I was young.”
“She loved to drink when I was growing up too. Dad always worried about her. I did too.”
“How old are you Leah?”
“I’ll be 16 next month. I guess you live with your dad? How old are you Liam?”
“31. And no. Mum left me with my aunt when I was 14. We’d been on holiday in Spain and she met some guy. Said he was ‘the one’ and when we got back home she called him all the time and less than two weeks later she dumped me at my aunt to go back to Spain and never came back. All I can remember was the guy was called Marco or something. I don’t really remember him from the holiday at all as mum and him were in the bedroom or kissing or dancing or whatever and I just did my own thing. It never really occurred to me that she’d ever leave me…or England.”
“Mario. That’s my dad. I honestly had no idea about you. And now this just seems so insensitive and stuff but I don’t want my mum to die. I love her. I know she’s done this to herself but she’s just so ill and the doctor said I’m not old enough until I’m 16 and the best chance mum has is a live genetic match and I have no idea if I have grandparents or anything on mum’s side. Unless, what about that sister you just mentioned? Please would you consider it? Or ask your aunt…my aunt? Mum need a kidney and…”
She’s crying so much now as I finish my coffee and gaze helplessly into the bottom of the mug. I swallow hard and take a deep breath.
“I live in Ireland now. I don’t even have a passport. What do you even want me to do?”
“Can I get the consultant to call you? Please? And I’m so sorry this is how we found out about each other. I wish it wasn’t like this. I need to go. Dad’s taking me back to be with mum. I need to go Liam. Bye.”
The suddenness of the goodbye just seems so like mum. So like her it hurts like hell. I can’t be alone right now. I need someone. I want to see Megan so badly. I need her. I can’t handle her disappearing and rejecting me too. |
Chapter 90:
Liam
I suspect she might need to pee as I watch her legs moving while she bends over the freezer, but hearing her casually saying it while within kissing distance is so hot and incredible. My attraction to Megan increases every time I see her and as we head towards the checkouts and I watch her hips swaying, her bottom wiggling and her legs marching I have this awesome thought: with such a big family what would it be like doing a full weeks family shop with Megan Murphy while she needed to pee the entire way round? Just that thought makes my penis grow and swell, though annoyingly nowhere near enough to subside my serious need to pee.
I’m delighted to see the checkouts are quiet as Megan goes straight to those ones you do yourself. I’m anticipating heading out the store within a minute or two but the damn machine doesn’t cooperate and keeps spitting the fucking money back out. God those checkouts drive me fucking nuts! I’m absolutely desperate now to get to the gents but watching Megan as she squirms is the epitome of hot and sexy and I try and focus on that as much as possible. I’m not expert in lip reading but even I know that she’s silently saying ‘I need to pee’, which is made even easier to interpret given how she’s squirming around. I empathise with her but when the damn machine spits the note out a third time I actually find myself getting angry. I don’t have time for it’s fickleness and fussiness as I attempt to straighten to note enough to be acceptable. Thank God it works! I pack the items at supersonic speed and walk with Megan towards the door. Worrying I might not even manage to make it to Megan’s house on time I quietly suggest to Megan about using the customer toilets and I’m almost crying when she shrugs off my suggestion saying she’s in too much of a hurry.
I’m scared to admit to her just how serious my need is as we walk out briskly towards the Bloomfield estate. Initially we are both quiet as I once again hold Megan’s hand as we walk. I’m acutely aware that coming here I very much dominated the conversation so I decide to talk to Megan about her own mum. I hope she doesn’t mind but I figure I’ve already told her about my ‘family’ anyway.
“It’s weird don’t you think, both our mum’s being in hospital? I hope your mum will be better and home soon. You must be missing her terribly?”
“Not as much as you might think. I don’t get along with my mam to tell you the truth and it’s my fault she’s in hospital to be honest. When I was born she got really ill. Post natal depression apparently. Never really got better and ended up spending much of my childhood in bed sick. Now they just refer to it as mental health issues but it’s quite strange, There’s times when mam appears really well, when she has a focus, a purpose, something to organise. She cooks, cleans, reads to the boys and gets up in time for them going to school and and all, but then for months she just shuts herself in her room alone, not washing, hardly eating and not even getting dressed. She’s tried all different medications but the minute she gets any side effects at all she just flushes them down the toilet! We have to keep her meds downstairs now for safety.
On Wednesday morning she came downstairs looking awful. She told me she had a headache and she got herself a big bag of prescription medication from the kitchen cabinet. I should have stopped her Liam, but she’s so volatile and she shouted at me so I just let her have them. She went upstairs, took an overdose and tried to kill herself. I’ve no idea if or when she’ll get out of hospital”
“Fucking Hell Megan! I had no idea! I’m so sorry. Wednesday…you mean…”
“Yip. Just as we were downstairs having…you know…she was lying unconscious dying alone in her room! I should never have let her have that bag of meds. I should have checked on her sooner.”
“Oh my God…you absolutely can’t blame yourself Megan. You can’t. You never fed her the pills did you? You never made her take them? Thinking it’s your fault will only destroy you. I know that all too well. So is that why you had the little one, you know, at the church outside at the weekend? Your little sister?”
“Yes. I’m more of a mum to Yasmin than man is. Then there’s Rory, he’s 9, and Anthony, he’s 12. The rest are grown up now but dad works full time but he’s kind of he’s rubbish at the housework and shopping and cooking and stuff. Tries his best though. That’s why I need back for dinner. I’ve got it mostly ready but they need me to dish up and all that.”
We’re reached a main road to cross and the standing still is excruciatingly difficult. I can’t drop the bag so I’m forced to let go of Megan’s hand to hold myself. I hate doing it in public but thankfully it’s starting to get dark anyway, plus it’’s an emergency. I gotta piss so bad.
“Sorry honey. I’m absolutely bursting!”
I notice she’s dancing around waiting on the traffic to clear too.
‘It’s ok. I am too. I really regret not using the loos at Tesco so much. Not far to go now though thankfully.”
We finally get across Belfast Road safely as I take her hand again as we get closer to Megan’s house.
I can already predict what the answer might be but it’s such an emergency I have to ask anyway.
“Megan, is there any way I could possibly use your toilet real quick? I honestly can’t hold this much longer.” |
Chapter 92
Liam
Even though I pretty much know what the answer will be I could actually cry when Megan shakes her head and mutters sorry indicating that I can’t use her bathroom. I really really need to go yet I do fully understand her situation so much. I’m not angry with her in any way, just concerned that I might piss any second and absolutely convinced I won’t make it back to my flat dry. As her door closes I consume myself with mocking thoughts of Megan getting to pee while I can’t. I bend forward gripping myself tightly at the gate, sweating and panicking at what I should do.
I run as fast as I can away from the estate, initially heading for the seafront thinking I might just make it to somewhere discreet down by the rocks or wall to spray a wall, rocks, sand…literally anywhere possible with my piss. Anywhere but my own clothes that is! As I turn out of Woodburn Close I see a familiar building in the near distance and run as fast as I can towards it. It’s the other side of the road but I’m so tunnel visioned and intent on getting into the building I am not paying attention to my surroundings. I get such a shock as a car drives almost right into me, so close I can even touch it, as the driver toots at me loudly and shouts abuse through his window. I can’t stop, I just can’t, as I push open the squeaky gate of the old Victorian building to the sound of ‘idiot’ being shouted at me.
I’m deliriously happy to see the large doors still wedged open as I rush into the familiar wide corridor and head immediately to the multiuser bathroom ahead. Seeing the wide door to the only stall, the familiar sink and hand towel dispenser and even the tall bin, brings back a rush of memories and emotions as I push open the stall to the old library toilet and see the very toilet I once saw Megan sitting peeing on not that long ago. Unusually for me I undo the button on my jeans and unzip my fly before pulling my jeans and fitted boxers down as I choose to sit on the toilet facing the door exactly like Megan did the day I saw her here.
I tuck my dripping dick into the bowl as I reassure myself that I can finally relax. It’s finally ok to let go! Being unused to sitting down to urinate I feel at such a loss as to what to do with my hands as I awkwardly place them on my knees then fold my arms and lean forwards as finally my bladder realises that’s it’s safe to let go. As the release starts I relax and look up at the slightly open door facing me, closing my eyes and imagining the scenario I last found myself in here, only this time completely reversed. I image myself sitting exactly as I am, my body shaking and bursting into the toilet after holding for what seems like forever, exactly as it’s currently doing, but just as I start to relax I picture in my mind the wide cubicle door right in front of me being urgently pushed open by a beautiful young girl,who is so desperate she has her skirt pulled up and her knicker gusset pulled aside as she gasps and spurts out urine at the shock of seeing me on the toilet, exactly as I did the day I walked in on Megan.
The whole time my dick is spewing out piss into the pan I’m visualising and day dreaming how I reach out to this beautiful young lady, my amazingly, sexy, but truly bursting, Megan, as I turn her in my arms so her back is facing me and I draw her right against me as I widen my legs and give her room to sit right in from of me on the toilet pan like she’s in front of me on a bike. Wrapping my arms around her wonderful waist, her warm urine pours all over my pissing dick, sending shivers right through me and driving me wild. So caught up in my mind I slip a hand into the toilet pan, sliding it along my now growing, but still pissing, penis as I use my hand to catch my urine and splash it onto my own dick. The tickling trickle teases and tortures me simultaneously as I open my eyes and yearn for Megan so bloody badly I could cry.
Now my penis is so hard the tip is rubbing against the inside front of the pan and I’m so horny I could actually cum just from thinking about seeing Megan squirming earlier and feeling the rubbing sensation. It might only be two days since I fucked the girl of my dreams but God how I want her again right now so much! If she was here right now I’d take her standing in this very cubicle, or even on the floor right outside it, the very place I once longed to kiss her so badly when she bent down to clean up my mess with me the last time we were both here. Even leaving the cubicle to wash my hands I’m still sweating and shaking with extreme horniness and an unbelievably strong urge to wank. I wash my hands quickly and walk out before I find myself masterbating in a public place.
It’s dark when I step back outside as I get my bearings at the library gate for a moment and decide to head home via the high street as it’s likely to be the better lit route. By the time I reach my flat I’m starving, tired but still high from seeing Megan, holding her hand and talking with her. I head straight to the kitchen to cook myself some dinner, whistling to myself because I’m just so happy from that 40 minutes I had with the girl I’ve been fixated about ever since meeting her in the launderette around a month ago now.
Incredibly I am still ravenously horny and hard after dinner as I pull my jeans down, staring at the pictures of Megan on my phone that I copied from her Facebook account, as I sit on my sofa alone replaying her every squirm from earlier, the naughtiness of sneaking to Tesco with her, her sexy squirming at the freezer and checkouts and that way she mouthed so seductively ‘I need to pee’ as we struggled to get the money into the till. There’s so many things I want to do with Megan, so many ways I long to play with her, and all of them somehow seem to involve her being bursting to pee. I’m hooked and drawn to her in a way I can’t even describe. Before I know it my penis is exploding with warm liquid again, except this time it’s white and sticky instead of runny and pale yellow. |
Chapter 93:
Megan
Over dinner Theresa updates us all on mam, having just got back from visiting her. As I listen to her sharing how it looks like mam might be moving out of intensive care soon and into a ward I watch my dad’s eyes fill with emotion.
“Was she awake?”
“When I held her hand and spoke to her she opened her eyes but she looked so empty inside.” Then she suddenly seems to remember that the boys are here too and adds, “but I’m sure that’s just the drugs they’ve put her on to help her rest and recover. I bet she’ll be sitting up in the ward talking in no time again.”
Anthony takes a drink of his juice then looks towards his father earnestly.
“Dad, can I visit mam sometime please? I’d really like to see her.”
Dad looks at Theresa then myself as if to gauge our reactions. I look at dad then back to Anthony thinking how mature he’s seemed recently and how he spoke to me the night mam was taken away about his guilt over how much mam did to make his first communion special. I nod and smile at dad while Theresa shrugs her shoulders undecidedly.
“Maybe when she’s settled in the ward. I’ve made a rota for visiting but I guess if you haven’t got any homework one night later in the week, and your mam gets into a ward and is up to seeing you, then we’ll see what we can do. In the meantime the best thing you can do is to help with your brother and sister and keeping up with your school work. You know how proud that will make your mam.”
No-one else says much as we finish the main course and all but dad have jelly and ice cream for pudding. As dad gathers the dishes together to wash up and I clean Yasmin and wipe her high chair I hear Theresa asking dad who is on the rota to visit mam tomorrow.
“Shaun and myself are doing the morning then Aisling and Harrison the evening. Sunday morning it’s you, if that’s still ok, then I’m going alone in the evening. I spoke to our Iain earlier and he’s trying to get back early in the week if he can. Niamh is really caught up at university but said she’s thinking of us all and wants kept updated, of course. Iain mentioned she’s on a placement just now so she can’t really get away.”
I pick Yasmin out of her high chair wondering, not for the first time, if I even belong in the Murphy family, but as Yasmin wraps her little arms around me and cuddles her head into my neck I don’t doubt that she utterly adores me and I feel exactly the same about her.
Saturday morning Shaun arrives with Lilly shortly after we are all washed and finished breakfast. I’m just washing the breakfast dishes while Yasmin plays in her high chair watching me. For some reason I expect Lilly to leave with my dad and Shaun but when I turn around she’s sitting at the dining table talking to Yasmin and dad and Shaun appear to have left without her.
“I thought since it’s dry this morning we could take the kids to the park?”
I have work later so hadn’t really planned to do much in the morning and I wasn’t expecting Lilly to be around either. I shrug not really sure what to think of it all. Just as I’m drying my hands I hear her telling my baby sister that she’s going out to the swings and slide to have fun with her brother’s. I guess my opinion and thoughts don’t really matter around here now, not that they ever seem to have before either. Like some overprotective nanny I mutter something about having to make sure Yasmin is wrapped up warm because of her heart condition but Lilly carries on chatting in baby talk to Yasmin regardless.
“The boys might not want to go. Have you asked them?” I eventually blurt out to remind her somehow that I still exist.
“Leave them to me. You get Yasmin ready but don’t put her buggy up. I was thinking the big new park by the retail park, you know the one with the zip slide and that big roundabout? The one here is crap don’t you think?” I want to scream at her as I remember fondly Yasmin giggling as she went down the slide on my knee and I pushed her in the baby swing just yesterday morning at the so called ‘’crap park’ when she was upset at Lilly hoovering, but I do concede at least that for Rory and Ant it would be way too small and babyish.
Lilly disappears upstairs and comes back down with both boys behind her, Rory excitedly asking if he can really have a chocolate milkshake with his lunch. I’m guessing she bribed them with the promise of McDonald’s, something they only get once or twice a year as a special treat and a place Yasmin has never even been to. That’ll be uncle Shaun and aunt Lilly in the boys hero list once again then!
I admit it is therapeutic hearing the boys laughing on the zip slide and getting to be boys once again as they challenge each other as to who can climb the highest on the spider web frame and who goes the fastest on the zip slide. Yasmin loves the swing, as always, and the slide on her aunt’s knee while Lilly hands me her phone to take copious photos of her with the boys and Yasmin like we’re some trophy to be won showing off her kindness. It’s tiresome, but as long as the kids are happy I tolerate it for their sakes. I just don’t want to be in the photos myself, but then Lilly doesn’t appear to want me in them anyway.
As predicted the boys are thrilled at going to McDonald’s and Rory sucks on his treasured milkshake like it’s pure gold! Yasmin isn’t as sure about the fries and nuggets and I have to empty her milk into a bottle as she’s yet to master a straw. My own meal is only mildly warm but I’m hungry and eat it anyway. It’s while we are all eating that Lilly digs into her handbag and hands me a mobile phone, making a right show in front of my siblings like I’m some poor charity case she feels nothing but sympathy for.
“Shaun said you don’t have one, you poor thing. We recently upgraded ours so I just set this up last night as a pay as you go for you. It’s on the 3 network so hope that’s ok? You do know how to work an iPhone Megan don’t you? I mean Shaun said you did but I just wanted to check.”
I want to slap her but I remember Father Reilly’s words to me in confession last week about self control so I smile and take the phone, grateful she didn’t want to photograph her giving that to me too!
“Would you like another milkshake Rory? What about you Anthony? Or maybe an ice cream? Surely Yasmin can manage that herself at least?”
I sigh, imagining the mess a young toddler could make with a McFlurry with her fingers, as she thankfully walks away to order Rory another milkshake and some ice creams. I keep Yasmin’s pudding in my hands feeding her spoons of it whilst stealing a few spoons myself in between because it’s far to much for a 1 year old. Lilly watches on as I suddenly notice she only had a coffee the entire visit, but when she suggests perhaps going to the big toy shop before home I speak up finally saying I need to get back home for work. Rory looks disappointed but Anthony smiles at me. I assume he is happier going back home too.
Back home Lilly sits on the sofa like the queen sending texts on her phone and stroking her expensive clothing, her long legs stretched out and her feet crossed at the ankles showing off her very unpractical high heeled shoes. Thankfully once I settle Yasmin for a nap dad gets home and Lilly leaves with Shaun. I pop into the boys room, finding them both happily playing a racing game on their Xbox as I notice Rory fidgeting a lot on a bean bag. I’m tempted to tell him to go to the bathroom but don’t want to embarrass him so I just tell them that I’m off to work and that dad’s back home before getting my anorak and walking the mile and a half to the McGintley’s. |
Chapter 95
Megan
I’m relieved to see Chelsea happier than the last time I saw her. Liz looks tired though and asks if she can talk to me when I bring Chelsea back. I must look scared because she immediately smiles and reassures me it’s nothing I have done and I’m not losing my job. I breath a huge sigh of relief then tell her my plans for the afternoon. Liz thinks it’s a brilliant idea and hands me £20.
Liz finds a warm blanket for the chair and I set off walking to the high street pushing my friend and employee in front, chatting away to her just like I do with Yasmin. I know exactly what shops to look in and start with my favourite: the heart foundation charity shop. One of the ladies from chapel volunteers there, ever since her husband died of a heart attack, and I often pop in to say hi when passing and she keeps any midi skirts or nice blouses my size aside for me too.
It’s so much harder going anywhere with a wheelchair, much harder than a child’s pushchair, and especially so with Chelsea as her dystonia makes her limbs spasm and jerk at angles she can’t control. On the walk outside with no-one around it’s not an issue but suddenly on the high street on a busy Saturday afternoon I’m very aware of the lack of space and courtesy people give. Pushing the door to the charity shop open I try to protect Chelsea’s arms by standing against the door as I do my best to push the chair inside. Just as I’m struggling and chatting to Chelsea I feel the door go lighter behind me and realise someone is holding it open for me. I step back behind the chair to push it in as I turn and look up at the gentleman holding the door.
God, It’s Liam! As gorgeous, sexy and handsome as ever! Our eyes meet as my heart misses a beat. Desire, excitement and passion fill my mind as I try to put them aside and concentrate on Chelsea and why I am here. As if to refocus myself, and distract myself from the aura that .Liam radiates whenever I see him, I introduce Chelsea to him to somehow justify my lengthy pause and ogling eyes. I’m used to people staring at my sister, and sadly even more so at Chelsea, and accustomed to many people ignoring Chelsea and just talking to me, so when Liam looks at and talks directly to Chelsea to say hi my heart is deeply touched. His childlike innocence at going to shake her hand amuses me though but when he reaches to touch her hand and Chelsea beams I can’t help grinning too.
Liam takes my breath away and getting just a small whiff of his scent sends my body into overdrive. With real emotion and feeling I look at him and tell him genuinely how good it is to see him. It’s only been 24 hours since we last parted but the unexpected meeting has surprised me and thrilled me, helping me forget all about my belittling sister in law from earlier. I can feel myself getting carried away with desire and longing as I look right into Liam’s seductive and sexy eyes, but a jerk and noise from Chelsea brings me right back down to earth with a bang. I’m at work right now and regardless how much I fancy a man I’ve just bumped into unplanned I can’t allow my lack of self control to take over me. I force myself to turn away but I can’t resist saying I hope we meet again. It’s more than a hope though as I will move heaven and earth with my bear hands just to get to see Liam Jude again soon!
His gentle touch on my hand as we part leaves my legs like jelly and I’m glad to hold the arms of the wheelchair to steady me. As I hear the door close I pause to calm myself before refocusing back to the task at hand: finding a selection of different materials to make a sensory box for Chelsea. I guide the chair towards the baby clothes and blankets and, together with Mrs Clements help, we find a good selection of shiny, sparkly, soft, crinkly, cuddly, rough and colourful materials ranging from scarfs, baby clothes, skirts, shirts and even a reversible sequence logo on a child’s t-shirt. Chelsea has a wonderful time feeling and exploring everything and Mrs Clements even finds a lovely box that was donated and helps me pack it all into a bag. She adds in a baby rattle and a Barbie doll when she thinks I’m not looking and refuses to take more than £10 for everything. Chelsea giggles and shakes her legs in excitement as Mrs Clements holds the door open to help us out.
We pop into another few shops before I stroll back to Chelsea’s house with her hoping Liz will let me stay long enough to cut the clothes and put everything in the box. Liz is looking out for us and helps me in with all our purchases as she jokes to her daughter lightheartedly about spending all her money. I explain about what we have found and ask if it’s ok to stay for about 15 minutes or so to cut everything up. Liz makes me a tea and as I sit at the kitchen table with Chelsea and Liz cutting up material and putting it into the box while drinking tea Liz tells me what’s troubling her. Despite my home situation I agree to try to help. I explain I will need to make sure someone can help with my baby sister but otherwise if it will put her mind at rest and make Chelsea happier then it’s the least I can do.
I leave when my tea is finished and the box complete, to Chelsea’s utter delight, and I’m waved goodbye from a much relieved Liz and Chelsea in her walking frame smiling and flapping some of the material in her hand delightedly. |
Chapter 97:
Megan
Getting back from work in the dark I hear Yasmin crying before I even get in the door. The car isn’t outside so I assume dad or Theresa have popped out but I can see the boy’s bedroom light on upstairs. I come in and hang my coat up then find Theresa pacing the living room with Yasmin in her arms.
“Has she been crying long?”
I put my arms out to take my sister checking she isn’t running a temperature or anything then hold her tight. She doesn’t seem to smell or anything but I do notice she’s still in the clothes she had on when I left.
“Has she had any dinner? She didn’t eat much at lunch. Lilly took us to McDonald’s and she’s never had that before.”
“She’s just been so upset for the last hour I haven’t had a chance to make anything. The boys never said anything. She’s just been so unsettled.”
“Where’s dad?”
“He’s gone to evening mass. I told him I’d be fine here.”
I walk to the kitchen with Yasmin in my arms looking in the fridge to see what I can make Yasmin and everyone else to eat. I snap a yogurt and get a teaspoon from the drawer. Not bothering to put Yasmin in her chair I just sit her on my knee at the table as I spoon feed her some yoghurt and ask Theresa to heat her some milk. Theresa stands in front of the microwave talking after she puts some milk in a bottle to warm as Yasmin slowly begins to settle and stop crying.
“I’m sorry Meg. I never thought she might just be hungry. You and mam just seem to know what she wants. I did change her though but I wasn’t sure what was even happening for tea to be honest.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself Theresa. You’ve already done a shift at work so how were you to know? No harm done. Pass me her bottle will you. If you look in the freezer I think there’s some frozen pizza. I’m sure the boys will be delighted if we cook those. I think I’ll just make some baby food for Yasmin because she’ll have tired herself out with crying and struggle to chew pizza. I take it you don’t know when she woke from her nap at all?”
Theresa carries on chatting while she hands me the bottle for Yasmin and opens the freezer to get the pizzas. “Rory will love you forever giving him pizza especially after McDonald’s today. He’ll be thinking it’s his birthday! Yasmin was awake upstairs crying when I came in about 2:30. I don’t think dad heard her as he was on the phone. She settled for a bit when I brought her down but then she just started crying soon after dad left.”
Yasmin sits in my arms holding her own bottle drinking the warm milk, her tired tear filled eyes looking right at me. I look down at her and use my index finger to wipe her damp cheek.
“I think there’s just too much change for her. Poor baby. So much getting passed between people and seeing so many faces. Plus she was obviously hungry too.”
Theresa puts the pizzas in to cook looking much more relaxed.
‘You want a cuppa Meg? I’m gasping for a tea now Yasmin’s more settled.”
“Yes please.”
I feed Yasmin her dinner allowing her just to stay on my lap for comfort. Theresa sits at the table with me while we drink coffee and chat until the pizzas are ready. The boys are thrilled to see pizza and Anthony happily makes a drink for himself and his younger brother. Rory is full of news of his morning, telling his older sister, Theresa, all about the zip slide, huge climbing frame and his trip with his aunt to .McDonald’s. Theresa chats away and Anthony, though quieter, joins in a bit, though he makes sure to ask Theresa if there’s any more news on mam. I’m impressed at how Theresa answers stressing how the hospital is doing all they can to make mam better and she should be moving into a ward soon meaning they can make her cards to have by her bed. Both boys seem happy to hear this as I notice Yasmin is now half asleep in my arms, no doubt exhausted from all her earlier crying.
Anthony offers to help clear up, nudging his brother to help too, so I leave them to it to get Yasmin into her baby-grow for bed before she falls into too deep a sleep in my arms. I’m tired myself and feeling quite sentimental thinking back to bumping into Liam unexpectedly earlier. I’d love nothing more than to be snuggled into his soft chest wrapped in his arms right now like Yasmin is in mine. I carry Yasmin upstairs while she’s still awake hoping she might fall asleep in her cot herself. As I pass the room I share with my sister the door is open as always and I see the phone Lilly gave me earlier sitting where I left it before I left for work. I hadn’t time time to check it before I had to go but I pick it up on my way to my parent’s room as I settle Yasmin in her cot awake and sit on the edge of the double bed watching her as I set up the phone and install some apps.
Yasmin happily makes contented noises and plays with her fingers and watches her mobile turning as I log into Facebook and notice I have a friend request pending. My heart jumps when I see the name and I press accept immediately. Then I have a sudden thought and I race to my room, grabbing the notes Liam wrote me from under my pillow as I type in his number and text him two words that I hope make him smile.
‘Guess who?’
I wonder if he realises it’s me? I can’t stop smiling thinking of him and recalling the times we’ve had together. He’s the sexiest, most gorgeous, most amazing man ever and when he texts back I can’t help using an emoji to show him how I feel. I just hope he doesn’t think I’m being too forward or over the top. There’s a short moment before I get a reply, but when I do I hold my phone in both hands staring reading the text over and over.
No-one ever calls me beautiful. No-one that is except Liam Jude. |
Chapter 98
Liam
Gareth texts me as I’m walking to the pub to tell me he’s there waiting at the bar. I notice him right away even in the dim lights, his dark skin, bright eyes and curly jet black hair matching his designer jeans, neat shirt and v-neck pull over. We’re the ultimate contrast in every way possible as he climbs off his stool, walks towards me and hugs me. A couple of older guys look over probably thinking we’re a couple but what does it matter? It’s just so wonderful to finally see my best mate again! I ask after Matilda and the kids and he enthusiastically updates me on how they all are, showing me up to date pics on his top of the range phone. He buys me a pint and I climb up on the stool beside him just like old times back home.
I’m barely even half way through my first pint when the conversation turns to how things are with me. I talk with pride about having a new job, being made full time from next week, having my own flat and even managing to cook and clean! Gareth looks at me in mock shock and we both start laughing together.
“So did you ever let your spare room out?”
I tell him about Flavius and his sporadic visits every week and Gareth nods then talks about foreign HGV drivers and how the growth of discount supermarkets encourages more foreign labour and low paid workers perpetuating the cycle of poverty in the most deprived areas of the country. I nod, a bit lost in his academic and political talk, as I finish my pint. I smile and just add in jest, “Well as long as Flavius keeps paying me that’s all that matters to me right now!”
“Thats fair enough. Fancy another pint? I promised Matilda I wouldn’t get drunk but I never promised her anything about you haha!” He winks at me then orders another pint for me and a fizzy water for himself.
“If I break it up with water I might get away with another pint later. Don’t fancy being hungover all day at a wedding. Those things drag on long enough as it is. So where were we? What’s the score with the Irish woman then? You managed to get yourself one yet? I’m guessing you ain’t heard from that crazy Lauren again?”
I feel my face reddening as I tell him about meeting Megan. I share with him about seeing her in the launderette that day, not mentioning anything about how she desperately needed to pee or her accident in any way. I then tell him about seeing her again at the library, just briefly saying that I popped in to piss as she was coming out, then how our paths crossed again when I took a panic attack when I heard about the crap Lauren had created on Facebook. I’m about to tell him all the other times we accidentally met when he interrupts me to change the subject a bit.
“So is that stuff all sorted with Lauren now? God that woman likes to be the centre of attention doesn’t she! Right drama queen that one..but she IS attractive I’ll say that much!”
I sip at my second pint then put it down on the bar.
“All that glitters isn’t gold Gareth.”
“When did you get so wise and grown up Liam? Next you’ll be telling me this Megan girl is some saintly, do-gooder, who thinks her idea of a good time is going to church every Sunday and saying prayers!”
I stay quiet before Gareth turns and looks at me.
“You’ve not gone and got hooked up with a Bible basher Liam? Oh God this is hilarious!”
I remain quiet but bring up a photo of Megan on my phone. Gareth leans over and looks.
“She does look lovely. I’ll give you that mate! So have you taken her out anywhere yet? You know I’m only fooling around. Spill then…I’m listening!”
“She’s beautiful Gareth. So caring, gentle, sweet. And funny. Like witty funny…you’d like her. So fucking sexy too…like in a natural way though not that fake nails, all hair dye and skimpy clothes…like I can’t stop thinking about her sort of way. You know the sort you can’t keep your eyes off.”
“Oh God I remember that with my Matilda. We were at it all the time before the kids came along! She still rocks my boat but don’t go telling her that. I like her to think I might still look around, sight seeing if you know what I mean, but really I’ll never find anyone like her and I knows it. More danger of her finding someone better than me…hence why I’m not staying out too late if you get my drift?”
He winks at me making me smile, the photo of Megan staring at me from my phone making me yearn for her more than ever. As Gareth excuses himself for a moment to visit the gents I take the opportunity to text Megan hoping it isn’t too late.
“Hey lovely! I’m missing you so much! Xx”
My phone beeps almost immediately.
“Me too! Thought you were out with your mate tonight?”
“I am. Onto my 2nd pint. He’s just nipped to the gents while I keep our place at the bar. Would much rather be here with you though. What you up to? Xx”
“Just sitting with dad. Everyone else in bed. Hoping he goes to bed soon too as I have something I really need to do alone 😉”
That wink emoji sends my head in a spin. I start thinking some naughty thoughts, which combined with the alcohol, make me text back something sexy but pretty silly. As I wait for my mate to get back so I can go to the gents myself I wonder if the fact I have to go might make Megan’s night.
“I’m sitting here hoping Gareth gets back soon too so I can piss next. Really needing to go…unless you’d prefer I waited until you said I can go? What’ya think babe? 😜😈😊”
“YES PLEASE!! 😘” |
Chapter 99
Megan
Harrison calls to say that mam wasn’t really up to talking tonight when he visited but she did smile a bit when Aisling talked about anything to do with the baby. She’s hopefully being moved to a ward on Monday as soon as a bed is available in the psychiatric wing. She’s still hooked up to loads of stuff and still very unwell and still being fed via a drip as she’s refusing to eat or drink. Dad returns from chapel and I make him some macaroni cheese on toast. He doesn’t say much and after the others go to bed he slumps on the armchair watching a documentary on TV. I opt to sit with him to make sure he’s ok but also because I really hope he might go to bed soon too and let me have some late night privacy.
Ever since getting the Facebook friend request from Liam earlier and then his text calling me beautiful I can’t get him out of my mind. It’s so frustrating not being able to text him or message him because he’s out with his friend. I wish more than anything that it was me out with him instead of being stuck at home with dad and my siblings. I make myself a mug of tea and I’m 3 quarters of the way through it when I get a text. My heart jumps as I reply back trying to imagine Liam in a pub laughing and joking with his friend. When he tells me how he’s needing to pee and suggests he could hold it until I allow him to go I squirm on the couch with excitement. I seriously need dad to go to bed because I can feel myself getting more and more turned on by the second.
Ten excruciatingly long minutes pass before Liam texts again. This time it’s a photo of his empty pint glass with words under it saying, ‘My 2nd one tonight. Be kind lol.’ I smile, imagining all that liquid inside his bladder and wondering if Liam is hiding the fact he needs to pee from his friend or if there’s any signs. I remember Iain telling me once how alcohol affects the brain and body and heightens and dulls sensations all at the same time. I wonder if it’s heightening Liam’s need or dulling it, fooling him into not realising just how bad it really is? I text him back with a teasing, ‘Maybe I’ll be a good kind Catholic girl tonight…or maybe I won’t…’
He replies with ‘G just ordered me a soda water and lime. Need to dilute the alcohol, miss you sweetheart xxx’
Dad is lightly snoring so I switch the TV off and gently go over to him. The last thing I need is dad falling asleep downstairs leaving me with nowhere private at all.
“Dad? Dad? The programme is finished now.”
He shakes his head as he comes round and I say, lying, that I’m heading to bed and he should too. He looks down at his clothing looking a bit bewildered to perhaps see his suit and tie still on. I whisper to him to remind him of the fact he was at mass earlier. A look of recognition comes over him and I help him up out the chair as I watch him head upstairs to bed. I hear him going into the bathroom and I slip quietly back into the living room, turning off the main light and sitting in just the light of a small lamp. I turn the volume of my phone right down and sit up on the couch with my legs up on the cushions. Just as I get comfortable I have an idea and I go into the kitchen to fill two tall tumblers with cold water as I take them both in with me and get back into position on the couch.
I hear dad flushing the toilet and going to bed and I pray no-one else wakes up as I plug a charger into my phone and read the short text conversation so far, my excitement building quickly. I’m, as yet, undecided how I want things to end with Liam tonight but having control of when he gets to pee makes me so wet and ready that I slip a hand between my legs in anticipation.
I’m so eager for things to move on that I text Liam before waiting on a reply from him.
“How’s things going? You wanting to go anywhere perhaps? Xx”
My text has barely sent when I get a reply right back.
“Yes! Had to pee since G went ages ago! Soda and lime almost finished. G thinking of going for a curry. All I want to go for is a piss 😝”
“Curry + drink sounds great. Piss is a no! 😘. Wish I could see you squirming!”
I don’t know how he manages to do it without Gareth seeing but somehow he must as the next thing I get is a photo clearly taken from under a table of Liam’s crossed legs with a hand resting tightly on his upper thigh. I stare at the imagine in awe, my nighty pulled up and my hand over my pants imagining being with Liam and thinking how he must feel with two pints of beer in his bladder plus a full glass of soda water and lime. I decide to see if I can get a taster of what he might be experiencing as I drink one of the glasses of water beside me as quickly as I can manage. I let Liam wait for my reply a few minutes before texting back.
“Looks like it’s building nicely. Lovely!”
It’s another few minutes before I get anything again but I’m so loving his last photo I am just staring at it while touching myself. My thoughts are interrupted by my phone vibrating with another text.
“Outside a Chinese takeaway getting curries. I gotta go bad. Really bad!”
I slip my hand inside my underwear revelling in the squelching and warmth of my own vagina as each text turns me on more and more. It’s hard to text back as I don’t want to stop what I am doing, but I also long to hear more from Liam so much!
“Not time yet. Where are you going to eat it? Hope you bought a drink too? 😘”
“Heading back to mine. Please please may I use my loo? Really really desperate baby!”
“Best eat your curry first before it goes cold. Enjoy…I am ☺️“
10 minutes later he sends me a blurry pic of his curry and chips in a polystyrene box with what looks like a can of cola beside it sat on a table. After the pic are the words ‘At mine. Can’t sit still. G just asked if I gotta piss. Told him I don’t want curry to get cold like you said. Please let me go after this! I’m bursting!’
The word ‘bursting’ jumps out at me as I twirl and stroke my enlarged clit and explore between my legs as I get wetter and wetter and warmer and warmer as I not only find myself getting incredibly hornier by the minute but also feeling a strong need to use my own bathroom too. The combination just heightens my desires even more as I wonder just how far I can take Liam and just how long I can hold back myself. |
Chapter 100
Liam
I hated being controlled and dominated by Lauren Bennett but this is different in so many ways. Submitting to Megan is exciting, sexy, and most of all consensual. I can stop at any time and I know she’ll understand and not be disappointed but I really don’t want to quit like that regardless how desperate I am Having Megan control my bladder and my toilet access sends shivers up my spine and blood pumping through my body, her every text making me more and more horny even with my best mate right beside me. In fact doing this secretly between us whilst in the company of someone else makes it somehow even more exhilarating and thrilling.
Gareth has been so generous buying me two pints of quality beer and a glass of soda water and lime. I haven’t once visited the gents but I have no idea if he’s noticed my tightly crossed legs and bouncing knees in the bar and constant moving waiting for our curries. But now back at mine, as I openly squirm on my seat I can’t hide my extreme need any longer! As he sits right beside me, in my own flat with my bathroom tantalisingly close by, he outright asks me if I need to piss! Part of me is mortified and the other half finds it secretly sexy. I tell him what Megan told me to say about not wanting my curry to get cold and he nods like this is perfectly acceptable despite the fact I have a hand gripping myself under the table and I am fidgeting like mad.
“So when we’ve finished eating are you going to give me a tour before I go back? I reckon I should call a cab to get me back to the hotel don’t you? This is a right decent curry by the way.”
It is a good curry but the onions make me cough a little meaning I need to drink more, which really is the last thing I need right now. My phone beeps with another text and Gareth laughs heartily as I jump and moan almost pissing myself.
“It’s almost midnight mate. I take it that’s your Irish lass then? Seems she’s as taken with you as you are her! I’m surprised you didn’t just get her as your new flat mate if things are going that well. And for fuck sake just go piss mate. You’re like my Michael sitting there holding yourself not wanting to leave what you’re doing. He’s seven though..not 31 like you! What’s stopping you? And don’t say your curry because that’s a load of shite! You’re making me need to go with all that squirming and stuff. Actually where is you bog mate? If you ain’t gonna go then I will!”
I feel my face reddening as I tell him where my bathroom is, yearning with everything I have to race there myself. I’m going to have to confess to Megan that I can’t do this any longer. I’m going to have to beg her to finally let me go!
With Gareth out the room I take a quick video of myself moaning and holding myself urgently and send it to Megan begging her to let me go and saying that Gareth is currently in my bathroom! So replies immediately with a photo that sends me utterly crazy! She’s lying on a couch in a dimly lit room with her hands inside her underwear. Despite being agonisingly bursting to piss with a rock hard bladder I now have a rock hard dick to match! I touch the photo with my hands longing to touch Megan so badly. Having her control me is sending me bananas for her and I seriously want to race all the way to hers in the dark of night just to hold her, kiss her and fuck her. I text her back shaking I’m so needy for her.
“Fuck! I thought I so badly wanted to piss but seeing you now I’d never piss again if it meant I could be with you right now! You are beautiful and so desirable. I want you so much right now…”
I stroke my rock hard bladder and move my hand down to my rock hard dick, stroking through my jeans almost crying at how much I want Megan Murphy while staring at her photo in awe. I’m so caught up and focussed I don’t hear Gareth come back quietly into the room.
“Right, your turn now mate while I ring that cab. Matilda will be waiting up for me and as much as I love you as a mate it ain’t you I fancy snuggling with tonight. You ok there?”
Before I can stop him he’s right beside me, my hard on bloody obvious to us both and my phone displaying my Megan in a very private way that seems so wrong for my mate to see.
“Fucking hell Liam! How long have you two been together then? You have done it before right?”
Sheepishly, and very shyly, with my heart beating so fast I feel dizzy, I confess to my best mate that we have only fucked once.
“It’s not that simply! She lives with her parents and loads of siblings and…”
“But she’s bloody ready and waiting for you right this minute and you’re…well I think it’s rather obvious what you want too…so what you waiting for? Either go to her right now or bring her here! It’s what you both want isn’t it? So why wait? Life is too short mate. Way too bloody short. Don’t miss an opportunity.”
“She’s almost 2 miles away. It’s after midnight..”
“Look tell her to slip out and you’ll pick her up in a cab! I’ll call one right now and get it to drop me at my hotel then onto wherever she lives…you know her address right? Then bring her here for the night.”
“But…she’d need to get back in the morning before her family find out?”
“Set a fucking alarm clock Liam and either call a cab for her or walk her home…whatever..I’m calling a cab. It’s up to you. I’ll even pay to get her here. You’ve been a good mate to me and I didn’t believe you with that Lauren nutter so call this payback. Text her and tell her to be ready. You won’t regret it.” |
Chapter 101
Megan
Alone in my own living room I feel somewhat safe as I lie playing and enjoying my own body as I think of Liam and all he has been drinking and how he still hasn’t been to the toilet yet. His text updates thrill me knowing I have full control of when he gets to release the huge pressure inside him. I image it all as sexual fore play, his increasing desire to urinate akin to my increasing desire to climax, his urgency in harmony with mine. I’m edging closer and closer to that place of no return in my body where I know I will lose complete control of my whole being and when I will finally allow my lover to release his physical tension as I release my sexual tension, our bodies climaxing in different ways but simultaneously in complete harmony.
That was my plan right up until my mobile started vibrating in my hand, startling and shaking my whole body, the voice on the other end making me shiver with sexual excitement.
“Hi, my beautiful.”
“Hey! Has your friend left?”
“He’s just calling a cab. The thing is…well…God Megan…I….fuck I need to just tell you! I want you so much right now. I am besotted with you, my darling, obsessed with you, absolutely crazy about you…love heart eyes emoji for you…and God right now my body longs for you so badly I could burst…if you want to…and only if you want to, my beautiful…well Gareth said I could get his cab to come get you, bring you back here, where we can be together all night. God how badly I want that baby. I’m shaking here just at the thought…what do you think?”
“Oh Liam! You have no idea how much I long for you right now in ways I never even knew possible! You mean be together all night? Seriosly? I would need to get back here before anyone knew though, before any of them wake…but…oh I long for you so much. But good grief I’m lying here in just my nighty honey! Have I got time to get dressed? What if someone hears me? Oh Liam I do want to be with you though…really I do.”
“You got a coat handy? Slippers? Just come as you are. I couldn’t fucking care if you were in a fucking elephant onesie right now I just want you so much! Gareth has just signalled that the cab is on its way. I won’t let it toot or anything but I’ll sit for a minute outside yours after it’s dropped Gareth at the hotel. If you want to I’m all yours…oh and just so you know I still haven’t been to the toilet yet!”
“Oh my word Liam. You must be absolutely bursting honey!”
His voice goes quiet, sexily and excitedly quiet, as he whispers down the line to me…
“Oh I am sweetheart, I really am. But I’m so hard right now for someone very very special that I’m about to explode with something else too…I need you!”
Despite the fact everyone is asleep upstairs I still whisper back whilst exploring my very ready vagina, my heart pounding and the hairs on the back of my neck tingling.
“I need you too Liam. So much so. I’ll be outside waiting!”
As I slide off the couch, delirious with desire, I giggle quietly as I slide my slippers off and slide my bare feet into my flat black outdoor shoes, the hardness and coldness making me suddenly urgently need to pee. I glance upstairs, momentarily debating to myself about risking using the bathroom, but it just feels a risk too much. Instead I grab my pink anorak and search the pockets for my recently acquired house key. It’s not there! Dancing around with a huge urgency to pee I try to think where I last put it. I suddenly remember seeing it in my purse earlier when I was out with Chelsea, but my purse is upstairs on the dresser in my room, the room I share with Theresa! Desperately trying to think, with one hand wedged between my legs as my earlier tea and full glass of cold water threaten to burst out of me any second, I suddenly remember the spare key behind the clock on the mantelpiece. In the barely lit room it’s hard to find but once I have it I pull my hood up, zip my coat up and sneak outside the front door, unlocking and re-locking it as silently as I can. As I walk down the path the cold air causes me to shiver and leak a little into my pants as I cross my legs very tightly and look up and down the street anxiously for any signs of a taxi, silently praying no other vehicle passes by and sees me.
I stand, well more precisely dance around and squirm, both trying to keep warm and simultaneously not wet myself, as I wait alone in just my nightwear and light anorak.
What on earth has come over me? How on earth will I explain any of this in the confession booth at chapel? How many times will I have to recite the rosary to make amends for my sins after tonight? I am just getting second thoughts when a car pulls up and the back door opens as Liam waves me to join him, his face shining in desire and longing, his eyes beaming with excitement.
As he holds both his arms out just inside the car door I run towards him, any last minute doubts blown away by the night breeze as I abandon my upbringing, my faith, my family, and even my baby sister, all for the excitement and thrill of a night with an English litter picker who I love more than I even dare confess, even to myself. |
Chapter 102
Liam
By the time I’ve called Megan there’s tooting outside the flat as the taxi is here so suddenly I barely have time to get my coat off the back of the chair and on my back. I’m carried along by the effects of alcohol, my best mate’s insistence, and sheer longing for one woman. Leaving the warmth of the flat I feel the cold air hit me hard as my erection subsides just enough to make my bladder spasm as I grab myself instinctively in the dark of the night as Gareth pushes me gently into the back of the private cab.
“Hilton hotel please, then my mate Liam will tell you where he’s going. Cheers mate!”
Gareth climbs in the front leaving me alone in the back, for which I am so grateful as I massage my crotch frantically, forcing myself to think sexy thoughts about Megan to get hard so I don’t burst on the backseat. I hear Gareth talking to the cab driver as I squirm in the back texting Megan to tell her we’re on the way. I’m shaking in anticipation of seeing her, longing for her so much it hurts and hyper at the thought of lying in my own bed beside her. I’ve never wanted to be with a girl more than I do right now, but fuck do I need to piss too, so so badly. I wrap my arms around my aching bladder and lean forwards as the cab pulls into the Hilton car park. Gareth hands some notes to me in the back as I try to come back to earth enough to tell the driver Megan’s address. The driver must see me in his internal mirror as he looks right at my best friend as Gareth stands beside the cab and comments loudly,
“He ain’t gonna vomit is he? I’m not taking him if he does!”
Gareth promises I won’t as I struggle to sit still.
“25 Woodburn Close please. Just to pick someone up then right back to 102 Victoria Road, thank you.”
As we drive along the quiet dark roads towards the Brookfield estate I feel my legs tighten, the muscles in my buttocks clenched as tight as I can possibly manage, as an overwhelming urge to relax and let my bladder empty almost overwhelms me. Fucking hell I need to use the toilet and very urgently! As the car turns into Megan’s street I feel my erection growing again but not before a small spurt of urine manages to leak into my clothing. I’ve no idea if there’s anything to be seen on my jeans as it’s pitch dark, but as the driver slows to a halt at Megan’s I push open the back door and throw both my arms wide open to embrace my beautiful woman. With the dim light from the car’s internal lights I catch a glimpse of Megan’s familiar pink anorak, her gorgeous brown hair under her hood and her alluring, amazing, smile. She slides into the back seat beside me as I wrap her in my arms, the seatbelt trying to pull me back.
Megan pulls her own seatbelt on as she cuddles right into me on the middle seat as I wrap one arm around her shoulders while my other hand presses firmly on my dick to stop any more piss leaking out. Megan feels cold, fidgety and stiff beside me as I kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear.
“You feel cold baby. Cuddle in. We’ll be warm at mine very soon.”
She uses her hand to move my face forwards so her mouth is level with my ear. As the taxi drives through dark but empty roads sparks fly through my entire body as my incredible girlfriend whispers to me with one hand in her crotch fidgeting manically.
“Before we make love please can I use your loo? Have you went yet?”
I whisper back one word that sums up the torture in my entire body, the heaviness of my bladder, the pain surging from my testicles right down my very erect penis. One word that I hope she believes and knows is the entire truth. One word that shows how obedient I have been to her all night.
“No.”
I take her hand and guide it to my upper legs as she feels my thick bulge in my jeans. In the pitch black of the back of the taxi I then risk letting her let go as I move her hand to the top of my jeans as I let her feel my extremely hard and distended bladder. I’m not sure if her moans at this are due to her own need or sexual pleasure from feeling mine, but hearing them sends pre-cum shooting down my erection uncontrollably as I shiver in panic at the thought it might be another spurt of urine. Megan quickly takes my hand and slides it between her legs as I feel her body pounding and throbbing against my hand even through her nighty and knickers. If this cab doesn’t get us back to mine in the next few minutes I fear I might fuck Megan right on the back seat we’re sitting on!
As if the driver can read my mind he comes to a stop. Between my giddiness from drinking and my intense horniness for Megan it takes me a moment to remember that I need to pay the cab.
“23 pounds please.”
I open the cab door and use a combination of a nearby street light and the internal door light from the taxi to find £30 in notes from the money Gareth gave me as I tell him to keep the change as I pull Megan out and pull her to my front door. I only let go of her hand to dig in my coat pocket for my key as I hear the cab pull away and Megan quietly moaning.
“Oh it’s really really bad Liam! It’s going to come out. I can’t stop it. Oh no! I’m so cold I’m leaking…oh no! Oh no!”
There’s no-one around and the road is quiet, thankfully, as I stand with the key in my lock and gaze at Megan as she opens her legs standing right on my doorstep, her knees slightly bent, and her nighty rolled in her hands as she moans. The sound of hissing and liquid hitting the ground thrills me as I gasp in utter awe as I can’t resist biting Megan’s neck in passion even as she pees violently right in front of me.
If she doesn’t stop peeing herself and get into bed with me in the next minute or two I will be ejaculating right here on my doorstep too! I can’t imagine how tonight could possibly get any better than it has already, yet I know the finale will somehow exceed it all. I need it to happen so urgently I moan like a man possessed.
I have to stop sucking Megan’s neck even though it’s the last thing I want to do. I need her inside my flat. I need her naked. I need to be inside her! |
Chapter 103
Megan
I really hope sitting in the taxi will help me hold but even cuddled in beside Liam isn’t helping. As he lets me feel his bulge I am in awe, and seriously frisky, even more so as he runs my hand over his huge bladder. The thought that he’s been bursting for hours and holding because I asked him to makes me feel so special, so wonderful, so sexy. I’m not sure how much more I can take though, how much longer I can hold back as the warmth and wetness and throbbing between my legs gets faster and stronger and more powerful by the second. Even moving Liam’s large firm hand to my crotch doesn’t feel enough as I moan in extreme urgency for more than one release.
I can’t piss in the taxi though. I just can’t.
The delay when the cab stops is horrendous. What’s taking Liam so long to pay? Finally he gets out but I’m terrified I’m not going to make it to his bathroom on time. The cold air of the very early hour catches my bare legs as I step out making the very hairs on them rise to attention. The coldness edges upwards from my ankles to my knees and up past my thigh to my crotch as I shiver helplessly as Liam pulls me to his front door.
I can feel it about to happen as I moan and squirm, but the anticipation of a toilet any second, the cold night air, the sheer volume in my bladder, and the exhaustion of my muscles is too much as I take a foot and step it to the side on my boyfriend’s doorstep, bending my knees just enough to keep my balance. There’s no time to pull my knickers down, no spare seconds even to pull the gusset aside, as I feel the tingling tip of my urethra shake and tremble as the drop of urine acting as a plug can’t take any more pressure as it cascades into my small knickers, quickly soaking them as the torrent behind it pushes quickly down through my short urethra out into the open as I feel warm liquid run down my legs in dribbles as huge splashes hit the doorstep. I stay slightly bent as the entire contents of my body explodes onto the ground as I grip my thin nighty tightly at my side and my eyes catch Liam’s as he turns the key and opens the door.
I expect him to look embarrassed or ashamed but instead his eyes gleam with urgent desire and need as his smile beams from ear to ear. His tongue licks around his lips seductively as he then winks at me enticingly. It’s like he’s loved every minute of my accident, which feels so incredible, so accepting, so relieving. It doesn’t matter that my underwear is drenched and still dripping as he pulls me hurriedly inside and closes the door as he throws his coat off and onto the floor, followed immediately by his shirt which he doesn’t even unbutton as he pulls it hastily over his head. Before I can even fully breathe he has his jeans off too, his readiness extremely evident as it forms a massive tent in his underwear. I stand ogling him, admiring every aspect of him, still feeling droplets of my warm urine on my legs. Gently, but quickly, he pulls my anorak off my shoulders and let’s it drop onto the floor by the door before taking the bottom seam of my nighty with both hands and lifting it over my head. I’m naked underneath except for my soaked knickers as his eyes bulge in yearning for my body. I’ve never felt so wanted, so desirable, so beautiful and appreciated in all my life as he draws our bodies together and holds me tightly in his arms.
I know his body needs mine as much as I need his but the romantic pause of just holding me, the sexual need and tension between us and the comfort and security of being in his arms is blissful and reassuring. I don’t feel like I’m just a way for him to release, a need to be satisfied, a notch on his bedpost. I feel special, wanted, treasured.
“Megan, I love you.”
It’s unexpected, yet perfectly expected too. A tear runs down my cheek as he kisses me passionately and freely. I allow him unhindered access to any part of my tongue, mouth, and body that he wants. I’m all his and his alone. As his hand presses over my sodden warm knickers as he pulls his tongue from mine I gasp at my urgent need for him.
Finally able to speak now our mouths are free from each other’s I pant in passion and need.
“I love you too Liam Jude. So so much!”
He takes my hand and leads me to his bedroom, my knickers still on and only his underwear on him. The room isn’t very big but that doesn’t matter at all as he lies me flat on my back on his bed as he pulls his boxers off revealing the finest, most beautiful erect penis. I expect him to pull my wet knickers off too but instead he runs his hands along the sole of my feet, tickling me and making me giggle like a little girl, then he puts his head down and starts licking my legs from my ankles right to my crotch as my giggles turn to moans of urgent need. How much more ready does he need me to be? As his tongue reaches my underpants he finally pulls them off me silently and gently as he smells them and feels them before dropping them on the floor. Lying on the bed on my back, my knees bent and my feet flat, I look at Liam’s firm hairy chest, his broad shoulders and neat belly which all draw me but then my eyes drop slightly lower and I shiver with desire at how huge and full his bladder looks. I try to imagine the volume of liquid inside all kept back because I asked him too. I only hope it’s not painful as Liam pulls himself onto the bed and kneels over me astride, his penis head tickling and teasing the very opening of my vagina.
I’m so curious wether being so needy for intercourse has overruled his bladder or wether his mind is just so focussed on me he has forgotten about his need to piss. I hope he doesn’t mind me asking. I open my mouth to ask as he leans forward again to bite my neck.
“Mmmmm. If you don’t stop that Liam I’ll orgasm before you are even inside me babe. Oh God that’s amazing. Mmmmm. Ahhhhhh. Ohhhh. Oh God please Liam! I want you!”
“I need you Megan.”
He slides a little further forward on top of me, his dick sliding easily into me as my body opens to accept him readily and willingly, gripping him and smothering his manhood with my juices as I pull my bottom up and down to get more and more of him as Liam moans.
“So…ohhhh….Jesus…are you still wanting to go to the toilet honey?”
“Oh fuck yes! But not until I have done something else first honey. You won’t deny me this too? I have been desperate for this for so long sweetheart. I’ve wanted to fuck you from the first time we met in the launderette! Oh fuck Megan…don’t stop baby! I’m coming!”
He places the palms of his hands flat on the bed by my shoulders as our bodies build up speed quickly as I pant and allow myself to let go as my orgasm reaches a crescendo as I hear Liam moan deeply and grunt as he thrusts into me as I feel warmth ooze from his hardness inside of me as he relaxes one arm and lets his head rest right beside me as he kisses my cheek lightly and tenderly.
As our bodies remain in each other’s his hardness slowly subsides as he slips his arm under my head and looks into my eyes.
“I’m impressed I held that back you know beautiful. I’ve been so close to coming, so on edge and horny for you all night and when you stood on my doorstep and wet yourself I very nearly exploded in my jeans. You sure know how to get me going. I adore you so much Megan Murphy.”
“Well when you asked if I wanted to control when you got to pee tonight I very near orgasmed just at your text updates and those videos of you squirming! You’ve been driving me wild all night too!”
I roll over and we lie embraced in each other’s arms naked on the most comfortable bed I have ever laid on in my life, as I allow my hand to caress and lightly press on the biggest and hardest bladder I have ever seen too. Liam moans and instantly grabs his dick tightly.
“Shit!”
He looks right into my eyes, begging with his teeth clenched.
“Please please may I piss now! Oh fuck…it’s not even an option to hold this now!”
“Goodness me sweetheart of course you can! As long as I can watch?” |
Chapter 104
Liam
Loving and making love to Megan is the greatest thing ever. Holding her naked body in my arms on my bed is just so perfect, so amazing, but as my penis slides naturally out of her body and the blood slowly ebbs away from my crotch area I feel a cramping in my bladder, spasms that hit me so hard I fear I will explode right where I am lying. As Megan lightly touches my bladder I fear I am doomed as my urgency to piss returns with a vengeance. I beg Megan in tears to let me go NOW! It actually hurts to hold this now and I can’t even stand up straight. I hear her saying something about watching me but right now I don’t care if she films me for fucking pornhub as long as I can get to urinate!
I moan and whimper like a wounded animal as the spasms intensify. It takes huge effort and a death grip of my dick to make it off the bed dry as I hobble the short distance next door to my bathroom. I can hear Megan behind me but I am single focussed vocally moaning as every step torments my body so much I can barely breathe…
‘Ahhhh…..ohhhh….God….fuck…eeeeee….ahhhh’
I’m crying I have to let go so badly. My back can’t straighten and sweat is pouring from my back and forehead as I see the toilet and let out a yell…
“Owwww….”
Urine arches out of my aching pulsing penis not quite reaching the toilet but I just can’t hold it back even a millisecond longer. I keep stepping forwards until finally my piss splashes violently and loudly into my toilet pan, Megan rubbing my back gently now as I urinate like my very life depends on it.
“Ohhhhh…..boy……fuck….phew….”
It pours and it pours as I struggle to steady my body as finally I can relax fully as the pain slowly eases from my huge bladder right down to my testicles and penis as the flow continues on as strong as ever. Momentarily losing myself in the moment of ecstasy I feel adrenaline soar through my body as I let out a yell..
“YES!”
Megan startles me as she laughs and starts clapping and cheering for me.
“Go Liam! Go Liam!”
My body is shaking at the intensity of my pissing, at the sheer volume exploding from my body, at the high of the release. I’m still going, still firing liquid steadily, still aiming my exhausted dick into my all too familiar and glorious toilet.
“Geez oh! You can stop you know…or we’ll be here all night!”
I want to look at her but I cant lose my aim, not just yet, as my stream slows slightly as the toilet bowl continues to fill with my warm foamy output. I’m tiring more and more as the adrenaline eases and my pain subsides. Never in my life have I experienced such a moment, such an intensity, such a mega euphoria as I have tonight, first with fucking Megan and now with finally pissing. As my bladder finally slowly empties the last of its contents I take a huge breath of air in and let it out slowly, my lungs revelling in the space they now have and the ability of my entire body to fully relax. I accidentally fart as my body stands exhausted but deliriously happy…finally.
“Oh man did I need that!”
Megan rubs my back again as I shake my penis and dab the head with a little loo roll.
“You’ve just restocked the entire North Sea Liam! I’ve never seen anyone pee that much in my entire life. You must have so needed that sweetheart. To think you actually held all that in for me too.”
I flush the almost overflowing toilet, wash my hands then turn and look at Megan standing naked looking at me in awe.
“I have never ever in my whole life been more bursting, more desperate or more in need. Fuck that felt so bloody amazing! I need a drink to recover now! Want a cuppa honey?”
My amazing sweetheart pulls some toilet roll off the roll and bends down to mop up my piss from the floor before putting the wet paper in the loo and flushing it. She steps nearer me to reach the sink as I wait for her to wash her hands. If I wasn’t so utterly drained I would easily take her right back to bed again but I’m delirious after the high of our earlier intercourse and pissing so much so I take her hand and guide her to my small kitchen.
‘What would you like to drink honey? Tea, coffee, milk, water?”
“Just a quick cup of tea please. I don’t know about you but I am so tired. I didn’t think to bring my purse though. What time is it? Are there taxis still running at this time?”
I look around the kitchen and notice the time on the microwave clock. “1:35 in the morning.”
“I need to get back before anyone at home notices I’ve gone. I’ve no money for a taxi though….”
“Stay the night Megan. Please. I’ll set the alarm and call you a cab first thing I promise.”
“I’m tired Liam. So tired.”
I walk over and wrap my arms around her from behind as she sits at the small table alone. Stroking her hair I kiss her cheek gently.
“Me too sweetheart. Me too. But I so want you in my arms to sleep. It’s all I want tonight I promise.”
The kettle boils so I make Megan a mug of tea as she nods for milk but shakes her head for sugar. She looks so fatigued, but so wonderful, as I carry two mugs of tea carefully to my room as she follows.
Sitting up in my bed I pull the duvet over our naked bodies as I hand her her mug. We sip our warm drinks silently, our eyes struggling to stay open and our bodies both so relaxed our breathing deepens and our minds begin to switch off. I gaze lovingly at Megan a short time later as her hands clasp her empty mug, her back against the headboard and her head falling forwards. I gently remove her mug and place it safety on the bedside cabinet beside my own as I slide her body into my bed and rest her head lovingly onto the pillows. Stroking her hair tenderly I lean over and kiss her forehead before cuddling in beside her, switching the bedside lamp off and falling asleep easily. |
Chapter 105
Megan
I remember sitting in Liam’s bed holding and drinking a cup of tea but then the next thing I remember is being woken by some sort of alarm. It takes me a few minutes to recall where I am as I feel another warm body close to mine; Liam.
“What time is it Liam?”
“5:45am. I wasn’t sure when you would need to be home. I wish you could stay though. When can we see each other again? Oh Megan thank you for staying last night. It was amazing!”
Liam holds me close, his naked body sending tingles through mine as my heart and body long for him so much. I’m still so sleepy and could easily snuggle in under the warm duvet into his body and rest some more but two very important things stop me: needing to get home and needing to let that mug of tea out that I had before bed! My back is against Liam’s front, his arms wrapped around me like a giant teddy.
“I guess I had better get up and head home. Liam?”
“Yes my sweetheart.”
“Could I possibly use your bathroom before I go?”
“Mmmm. Can it wait? 5 more minutes?”
“If you keep cuddling me then yes. But I will need to get home soon sadly. Theresa is visiting mam in hospital this morning and dad will expect us all to go to chapel with him.”
“I saw you at chapel last week. I sat at the back and watched you.”
I roll over to face him, taken aback at what he’s just confessed. Looking at his face I reach a hand out and stroke his cheek.
“You actually came to chapel? To see me?”
“Yes. After seeing you the day before when I was working and you were outside with your baby sister and I found you bursting to pee. After we kissed and I watched you peeing onto that bin bag I couldn’t stop thinking of you. Actually I couldn’t stop thinking of you from the day in the launderette when you squirmed so sexily and eventually had an accident. Then when we met in the library toilet not long later. You mentioned that day about spending your life cleaning up after others for free or something. I was so worried about you that I walked all around your estate every night listening for any signs that someone might be mistreating you. I knew the chapel was somewhere special to you and even more so when you came out it that time and found me against the wall after my panic attack. I loved going to lunch with you that day Megan. I wanted to kiss you in that cafe so bloody much. But then you ran out so quickly. Did I say something?”
So many emotions run through my mind as I realise listening to Liam just how much our lives have been coming together right from the time we first met. I think of the bookmark under my pillow at home that Liam bought and hand delivered to me. In my tiredness and full bladdered state I can’t quite recall the exact words but I know it’s something about desperate situations leading to beautiful moments, or something similar. Now I am lying naked in Liam’s bed it feels safe to confess why I ran out on him that day and where I had to be right after.
“I had to leave that day because of you.”
I slide closer to Liam, my hand still on the side of his face and my thumb running along his perfect lips.
“Not because of anything you said, more because I was scared. I couldn’t get you out my head that day we met in the launderette either. I couldn’t understand why though. I thought it might have just been because of all the feelings I had sitting in the place squirming. Holding for so long, trying to hide how urgently I needed to pee, and then having that accident, did something to my body that I still don’t really fully understand, but ever since that day whenever I’m desperate to pee it’s like my body changes, my mood changes, I feel sexy, alive and….well it makes me want to masterbate myself so much! That time in the cafe sitting opposite you I started having those exact same feelings, except this time I wasn’t desperate to pee….I was desperate for you! I was falling for you and I was terrified you might not feel the same way, so I ran away using my appointment as an excuse. I did genuinely have an appointment though, that wasn’t a lie. I had to meet with Mr.CGintley, Courtney’s dad. He works at the council as a welfare adviser. He was helping me sort out stuff because I haven’t had a job in years. I felt awful for leaving you though. I never ever thought you might actually like me too.”
“Like you? How could anyone not like you? You are honestly the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. And for your information Miss Murphy…”
He reaches out to gently take my other hand as he places it on his rock hard penis under the duvet.
“That’s exactly what I was like that day in the cafe. I was so hard under the table because I fancied you so much. I still do. God, I love you so much.”
He pulls the back of my head towards his head as I feel his lips meet mine in a tender, loving, passionate way that sends electric sparks firing inside me. I could easily, very easily, stay so much longer. I could easily make love all over again, the tingling in my vagina reminding me that I am not only very turned on again but also really needing to pee.
Against everything in me I draw back from the kiss but I run my thumb over Liam’s lips to show him I adore him so much.
“I really do need to be getting home honey. Do you have money for a cab? I’ll get it back to you somehow as soon as I can. I have chapel this morning with my family then a couple of hours with Chelsea again then I need to watch the boys and Yasmin tonight as Theresa is out and dad is visiting mam. I have something on on Monday morning and I am working Monday, Wednesday and Thursday this week from 4-6 each day. I could walk over to here during the day while the boys are at school though I might need to bring Yasmin with me…oh I don’t know but I have to see you! And Liam?”
“Yes?”
“I am nearly wetting your bed here. Please, please may I use your toilet?”
He winks at me cheekily as he slides his legs off the side of the bed and takes my hands to help me do the same.
“As long as I get to watch?”
I laugh at the reminder of last night as I skip to the bathroom next door walking backwards as I use both hands to pull Liam with me. It’s amazing to finally be with him. It’s equally amazing to actually not worry that someone else might be in the loo when I’m desperate to go.
It’s not the first time Liam Jude has watched me pee and I’m absolutely sure it won’t be the last either! |
Chapter 111
Megan
I make everyone some lunch then get ready to head to work. Theresa comes back from hospital saying there’s been little change in mam and she hardly spoke to her at all. I’m glad the boys don’t get too upset as I sort Yasmin out and hand her to my sister so I can leave. The sun is out and as I walk to the McGintley’s I decide to spend my few hours with Courtney taking her down the sea front. I really must look up some more places to go to on my phone to give us both some variety but just as I’m thinking up some ideas while I walk I decide to text Liam. He replies right away and we are chatting by text when he says he’s actually shopping and will text more later.
At the McGintley’s Liz is anxious to know if I am still ok for her plans for the morning. I tell her, finally, about my mam being in hospital and my younger siblings and that I hope my older sister can watch my baby sister for a bit but she works full time in a nursing home. Liz bites her lip anxiously then asks what age my baby sister is. As I help her put a hat and shoes on Chelsea I natter away about Yasmin and how she’s only 1. Liz stops what she’s doing to look at me in shock.
“Are you the oldest then?”
“No. There’s 5 older than me and three younger. Yasmin is the youngest though. It does feel weird though having a sister so young at my age. I’ve got used to it now though.”
“And I thought one was hard work! So where are you off to? You sure you don’t want to take the van?”
I stand up from tying Courtney’s shoes.
“Mmm. Maybe we could and then I could take you for a McFlurry afterwards if you’d like Courtney? That’ll make my brothers jealous for sure!”
Courtney shakes and smiles showing me she approves of my idea and Liz smiles finally too. Just then my mobile beeps with another message from Liam. I apologise to Liz and say I just need to reply quickly then tell her how I have a new mobile and after texting Liam back I bring up my number to give Liz. She finds her own phone and adds in my number before opening the front door and wheeling her daughter out to the van. It’s just a short dive to the sea front but it takes me a while wheeling Courtney along by the wall before I can find a way to get her chair down onto the rocks and sand. It gives me a little insight to how life must be for Courtney and her parents all the time as I get frustrated at how tricky it is just to get a disabled child to see the sea. I finally get the chair onto the sand just as I get another text from Liam. I hate not giving my job my full attention but Liam’s text shakes me.
After checking with Courtney if she minds me calling my friend I call Liam while pushing the chair towards the sea. The uneven ground makes pushing Courtney quite an effort and the noise of the sea means I need to speak up so Liam can hear me. He promises to call me back later when he has more confirmation and I reluctantly hang up after reassuring him I love him several times. Somehow though right now love just doesn’t feel enough. He shouldn’t be alone right now but I can’t leave Courtney and then I need to be home for my younger siblings while dad visits mam in hospital. I’m still worrying about Liam as I gather some pebbles and throw them into the sea with Courtney as I take a short video of her giggling and laughing at the splashing for her parents.
I push her along by the sea for a bit before we head back to the van and onto McDonald’s for a drive through ice cream. I park up in the car park and climb in the back with Courtney as we lick our spoons and get chocolate topping on our noses. Before I know it it’s time for my shift to finish and I drive my friend back to her house talking away to her about Liam and how wonderful he is even though I know Courtney can’t say a word back. After dropping Courtney home I send over the video to Liz by text and confirm arrangements for the morning as I walk home. Just as I turn into Woodburn Close I risk calling Liam too as I am so concerned about him.
I’m still talking on my mobile as I reach home but for once I carry on talking even at the risk of my family hearing me. The only thing I don’t say in front of them is my usual way now of ending calls with Liam and that’s by telling him I love him. Instead as he says it to me I reply in code, ‘Absolutely, sounds great, see you soon.”. I’m sure Liam remembers our code for ‘not alone so have to go but I love you too’, and I smile to myself at that thought even as I still hate leaving him, especially after his shocking news. Rory is downstairs watching TV and as I walk past Yasmin playing in her jumperoo as always, I see Anthony in the kitchen with Theresa.
“What you two up to then? I take it dad’s away to hospital?”
“Not yet. He’s just gone upstairs to get mam some clean nightwear and stuff. I was just baking some flapjack with the boys. Anthony is helping me slice it up. It’s harder than it looks!”
Now seems a good a time as any to ask as I get closer to inspect the still warm baking.
“Theresa are you working tomorrow morning?”
“Yeah I’m on early so start at 6am but I’ve got Tuesday off. Why?”
“Just got a chance of a bit of overtime at work, doing a favour sort of thing and wondered if you could have Yasmin for an hour but don’t worry. I’ll sort something.”
“Sorry. Hope you get it sorted though. I think dad’s going back to work too. He says we need the money and he needs routine and as long as mam has someone visiting then he’s better off at the factory.”
“Yeah I thought that too. Don’t worry. I might just take her with me.”
Anthony looks at me aghast as he puts the slices of cake on a plate.
“It’s fine Ant. You know you and Rory walk to school? Well the girl I look after can’t walk and her school is the other side of town, nearer Belfast than here. She gets picked up on a school bus but she hates it and her mum is just wanting to go with her tomorrow morning to make sure she’s ok. They used to have a supervisor on the bus but they don’t now and it’s making the girl I look after very upset and stressed. Her mum just wants me to drive their van to collect her at the school. I’m sure she won’t mind me bringing Yasmin for the ride. They have a brand new fancy van with a ramp for the wheelchair and clips to strap the chair in and stuff. I’ll just need to somehow get Yasmin’s car seat there but I’ll figure that one out.”
Anthony nods, clearly reassured with my explanation as he puts the baking tray in the sink and asks casually, “what’s for dinner? I’m starving!” |
Chapter 113
Megan
Monday morning is chaos, even more so than normal as I need to be out the house with Yasmin before the boys even leave for school. Dad’s already away to work, as is Theresa, so I put my trust in Anthony to make sure he and Rory get out to school in time. As I push the buggy to the McGintley’s I can’t help worrying about them.
Within minutes of me arriving at Courtney’s the school bus pulls up and Liz gets in with Courtney, locking the front door behind her and handing me the car key. I wave them goodbye suddenly panicking about how to get Yasmin in the van safely. Thankfully as I unlock the van and slide the side door open I notice an infant car seat sat in one of the seats ready. It’s not the same one Yasmin is used to but I have no other choice as I lift her out her buggy and into the spacious van. I adjust the straps as best I can then hop out to fold the buggy and slide that on the floor safely too. Getting in the driver’s seat I realise the van is still set up for me after yesterday so I set the sat nav using the postcode Liz gave me and head off to Clifton school.
I pull into the car park looking for Liz among the taxis and buses but there’s no sign of her. The school bell rings startling Yasmin and almost making her cry. I watch as buses pull away empty and taxis come and go, but I still can’t see Liz McGintley anywhere. Around ten past nine a lone school bus pulls up outside the newly built school and I see Courtney being wheeled out followed by some other children of different ages and lastly a tall loud agitated boy around Rory’s age. School staff take the children and the driver drives away without so much as a goodbye as I wave to Liz to let her know I am waiting for her. She walks over quickly and gets in the front beside me.
“Well that certainly explains my daughter’s distress!”
I start the engine as Liz takes a breath then pulls her seat belt on.
“Honestly Megan I’m not sure where to begin! You fancy a coffee? I think I need one!”
I nod behind to remind her about Yasmin.
“Oh I completely forgot! I don’t mind her coming along if you’re not in a hurry?”
“I guess that would be ok. As long as you don’t mind?”
“Not at all. So glad the seat was the right size by the way. Old one of Courtney’s that Michael got out the loft yesterday evening. What about McDonald’s? The big one at the retail park? My treat as a thanks for helping me out this morning. It’s been a real eye opener I can tell you!”
I head back onto the motorway towards the centre of Bangor and the retail park and before long I’ve parked and I’m lifting Yasmin out the van. I leave the buggy but take in the changing bag just in case.
“What do you fancy? Pancakes? McMuffin? Tea? Coffee?”
“Emmm pancakes sound lovely and maybe a tea. Oh and some milk for Yasmin if that’s ok please.”
I look around for a high chair thinking how this is the second time Yasmin has now been here within days when you until Saturday she never even knew the place existed! The early rise is taking it’s toll as I watch my baby sister rub her eyes and yawn. I feel a little guilty for throwing her out her little routine but with no-one available to have her I had little choice. It’s hopefully just one day though at least. I wave to Liz so she can find us as she comes over with a full tray of food and drink. I open the pancakes and put some on the high chair for Yasmin and pour some of the small carton of milk into a spare bottle in the changing bag. I’m not sure she’ll drink it cold but it’s worth a try.
Over breakfast Liz updates me on the bus journey and, as I suspected, one of the other children is too noisy, boisterous and aggressive for Courtney and without another adult her distress keeps building throughout the ride.
“I knew who it was right away because as soon as the bus pulled up to his house Courtney started kicking her seat in distress and screaming. It was so hard to watch. She’s so vulnerable Megan. It honestly keeps me awake at night worrying about her.”
I glance over at my Downs sister and wonder if mam feels that same overwhelming worry about her vulnerability.
“So do you have any way of fighting for an escort again? Surely it’s in the interests and safety of all the kids to have one? It’s hardly a mainstream school is it?”
“You’d think so wouldn’t you! Well apparently it’s not law just ‘good practice’ and the bus company say it’s just too costly. You know that’s all parents like me hear about all the time is how you can’t have this because it costs too much and you don’t qualify for that as there’s not enough budget for it. Drives me loopy! So much for a caring society eh!”
I wipe my sisters face pausing to take in her purity, her innocence. Is this the future she too faces? That thought terrifies me.
“Anyway, I’ll need to call Michael and let him know, but one thing is certain and that is no daughter of mine will be back on that damn bus! I’ll have to see if Michael can get away to pick her up. I’m not meant to be driving right now. It’s so frustrating!”
“Oh I’m so sorry. Are you ok?”
I place the empty cardboard mugs and food containers on the tray and go to bin them as Liz quietly mutters that she has been ill for some time and on strong pain killers and other prescription meds that can make her drowsy.
“Been signed off work for years pet. Doc reckons it all started with stress. Wouldn’t surprise me to be honest. I haven’t been well enough to drive for a couple of years now.”
I watch her talking to my little sister while I bin all the rubbish in the right recycling bins. As I return to the table Liz looks at me, her face pale and suddenly aged looking.
“I’m sorry Megan. I didn’t realise your sister had Down’s.”
I pat her shoulder reassuringly.
“It’s fine. Honestly. Maybe things will change by the time she’s Courtney’s age. We have to stay positive. Can we head now please if that’s ok? I have an appointment at lunch time and this little one looks like she needs a nap before then. Thanks for breakfast. It was very kind of you.”
As I’m driving to the Bloomfield estate I hear Liz on her mobile.
“I’ll ask her honey but we can’t expect her to do that for free. It’s not fair to her.”
She finishes the call as I stop at traffic lights.
“Megan, we were wondering if you were available to pick up Courtney from school this afternoon. Just until we sort the bus stuff out. You can keep the van and use it all day and just leave it with us when you bring Courtney back after school? We’ll pay you, of course, just like we’ll pay you for your time this morning too. Does that work for you?”
I pull away at the lights loving driving and thinking how amazing it would be to have the van all day. But then I remember Anthony and Rory and I sigh. I can’t assume dad or Theresa will be back in time. I’ve already left them alone this morning. I can’t do it again after school.
“Unfortunately I don’t think I can help today. I need to be home for my younger brothers. They finish at 3 at St. Christopher’s.”
“I understand. Though Clifton doesn’t finish until 3:30 if that helps.”:
I have to wait to turn right on Belfast Road as I suddenly have an idea.
“I guess I could pick the boys up in the van then get Courtney at half past if you are ok with that?”
“That would be amazing! Thank you! Just drop me off here. Saves you having to do a three point turn in our street. Thanks again. We owe you Megan, as always!” |
Chapter 114
Liam
The receptionist calls up Shaun and I’m allowed to go to his office to speak to him. The last time I saw him was when he offered me my job full time and the guilt I feel at having to tell him about my aunt on my first day of being full time is awful. I suddenly feel so tired and dizzy as I see him approaching me as I step out the lift.
“Liam, good to see you. One minute and I’ll be with you.”
He writes something in a book then beckons me to his office.
“So what’s up? You wanted to see me?”
At first I can’t seem to speak at all, the words sticking in my throat. I can’t look at him so ficus on a random picture on the wall of his office instead.
“I just wanted to let you know that my aunt died suddenly yesterday.”
“Have a seat Liam. Goodness you look like you need one. I’m really sorry to hear that. My sincere condolences to your family.”
The room goes silent. Silence is my nemesis these days as I attempt to break it with an emotional whisper.
“She was more like my mum really. Found dead in her house in Chester yesterday. I’m all she has…”
“Take some time off Liam. You won’t even know when the funeral is or anything yet. You can’t work today. Definitely not. Go home and look after yourself. I’ll put you down as off all week then you can let me know if you need longer. I’ll get Linda to contact Aidan and let him know. He can do the high street this week with Ryan and Ally.”
I feel tears gathering behind my eye balls threatening to burst out so much that my eyes sting.
“Will I…will I get paid?”
“Of course you will! Keep in contact and let me know what’s happening Liam. Right now though the best thing you can do is go home. You look awful mate and I’m not at all surprised . Thank you for letting me know. Look after yourself. We want you back with us soon ok! You’re one of my best workers you know!”
I stand up, holding the chair for support as I quietly leave via the lift and walk home in a daze. In the flat I make myself a strong coffee and sit in my armchair holding the mug with both hands. I feel a vibration in my back pocket as I realise it’s my mobile. I put the mug down and answer without even checking the number.
“Hello?”
“It’s me Liam. You ok? I have the McGintley’s van today. Where are you working? I could meet you in your lunch break still if you want? I’d need to bring Yasmin though if that’s ok?”
“I’m at home.”
I feel the sob building right from deep in my chest as I stare at my mobile as thick tears fall down my cheek.
“I’m coming over! I’ll be with you shortly Liam!”
I get some toilet roll and dry my eyes as I feel compelled to tidy the flat for Megan coming like she’s some sort of housing inspector or something. I’m all over the place and so tired as I wander around aimlessly with a hoover, cloth and my mobile still in my hand like it’s stuck with superglue. I have no idea what time it even is when I hear my door bell go and open it to see Megan standing with a colourful baby bag over her shoulder and her little sister in her arms. Just seeing them both somehow cheers me up so much as I throw my arms around them both and feel the little girls tiny fingers touching my damp cheek. As I draw back she puts her arms out towards me as Megan smiles at me warmly.
“You don’t have to take her if you don’t want to.”
I do though. Her warmth and cuteness draws me as I tentatively lift her out of Megan’s hands, putting my mobile in my back pocket and tossing the cleaning cloth. I smile at the girl and tickle her tummy.
“Hello again! Aren’t you looking pretty today.”
Yasmin smiles then cuddles her head into me sweetly.
“She’s really tired. I woke her up really early to get Chelsea to school. She’s had an eventful morning. She’s due some milk too. You don’t mind if I heat some up for her in your microwave do you?”
“No. Of course not.”
I carry the baby through to the kitchen as I watch Megan open her bag and fetch out a baby bottle full of milk that she expertly warms in my microwave without even having to ask me how it works. How does she just know these things? It beeps, she checks it then attaches the nipple and top without even properly looking before handing it to Yasmin. The little girl grabs the handle whilst still cuddling into my chest. I go to sit at my small dining table and Megan smiles at me.
“She’ll get heavy if you sit there. You’ll be more comfy in there in my experience.”
She points to my small living room as I stand and carry the child through the doorway as I sit on my two seater couch, Megan sitting naturally next to me, her legs touching mine as she rests her hand on my knee as the little girl rests her head in the nook of my arm and sucks from her bottle, the weight of her head already feeling heavy as I rest my arm on the end of the couch. Megan reaches down into the colourful bag and pulls out a pink cloth handing it to her sister lovingly.
“She likes to finger that when she’s tired. Quite cute really. You ok?”
I look at her beautiful eyes, her rosy cheeks, her lovely hair and I manage a little smile as I rest my hand over hers on my knee, the baby’s feet resting on my upper thigh as she sucks steadily on her milk.
“Thank you for coming over. I really appreciate it.”
“I couldn’t not. You mean so much to me Liam. We’ll get through this.” |
Chapter 115
Megan
Despite the morning being exhausting and hectic I can’t stop thinking about Liam. As I get Yasmin home and sit her on the floor with some toys I call Liam even before I take my coat off. The minute I hear his voice I know I need to be with him so I change Yasmin’s nappy, grab a jar of baby food, a bib and a plastic spoon and fill one of her bottles with milk. Then I get a quick drink myself, pack a few other essentials into the change bag and we both head right back out. Yasmin doesn’t seem to mind going back into the van thankfully and I’m glad I never took the buggy out when we arrived back. I drive to Liam’s hoping I can remember his flat number and that I can park on his road ok.
I’m so relieved to see him but hate how tired, shocked and lost he looks. I just want to wave some fairytale magic wand and make everything better for him. Despite his obvious torment he’s so sweet with Yasmin and she clearly adores him too. Seeing him hold her always makes my heart leap but I do chuckle to myself when he goes to sit on a dining chair to give her her bottle. He clearly doesn’t realise how heavy she’ll get when she falls asleep.
The two seater sofa is much more cosy than our big one at home and sitting next to Liam feels intimate and lovely as our bodies touch naturally. Seeing him holding Yasmin in his arms so comfortably, so gently and naturally, melts me. She’s so content and happy so I rest my hand on Liam’s knee as I hand Yasmin her favourite cloth she always loves to have when sleepy. I’m not sure if Liam realises my sister is about to nap in his arms but he seems fine having her so I leave them be. When his hand goes over mine I lean into him more and rest quietly beside him. The only thing disturbing me as my body relaxes is the fact that I have quite an urge to pee. I don’t want to leave where I am and as Yasmin sucks slower and slower and her breathing deepens I don’t want to disturb her falling asleep either.
It can wait.
Liam seems to be relaxing too as he shares easily and casually about the police arriving last night and how he got ready for work and walked to the council offices fully prepared to work his usual shift. He goes on to tell me how he only went up to see his boss because the police said he should but Shaun sent him home and how once he got back to his flat he just felt so utterly lost. I know he needs to talk, and I am happy to listen, I just wish I hadn’t drank so much this morning before going to Chelsea’s, then at McDonald’s with .Liz and then the glass of orange juice I then had before coming here just now. For the third time in ten minutes Liam thanks me for coming as I reassure him over and over that I care and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now. It seems very inappropriate, and disturbing both for Yasmin getting settled to sleep and the flow of conversation with my recently bereaved boyfriend to ask to use the loo so I squeeze my muscles and try to relax as much as I can.
I ask about the last time he heard from his aunt and wether she seemed unwell at all. Liam tells me about the call on Thursday night and how much they laughed together as his aunt had been cleaning his old room and found all sorts from when he was younger.
“She’d found trophies and football tournament brochures and old school textbooks and all sorts and she was jokingly asking if I wanted any of it sent over. She’d never ever asked if I wanted them when I spent time at Lauren’s because she always knew I’d be back. I think she was finally realising she had her spare room back after all these years. I have so much stuff still there Megan. All my clothes, paperwork for stuff, laptop and so much more. I suppose at some point I would have had to go back for it or get my aunt to just donate it somewhere but I hadn’t really thought about it, what with moving here then working and then meeting you. Now I guess I’ll have to decide once and for all. The thing is I couldn’t even get round to sorting my own room out so how on earth will I begin sorting a funeral and clearing a whole house? It just doesn’t seem real. It’s like living in one of my nightmares.”
I rest my head on his shoulders as I look over at Yasmin who has spat her bottle out and has her eyes shut and one hand now resting on Liam’s chest and the other clutching her cloth. I lift the bottle off her and put it in the changing bag as I carry on chatting to my friend.
“You might not need to sort the house on your own. Let’s worry about that when it’s time. I assume your aunt wasn’t renting?”
“No she owned the house outright. My mum always assumed she had money and was always asking her for loans but after I went to live with her I realised she just worked really hard and was careful with her money. She never went abroad or anything but did keep her car in good condition and kept her house looking nice too. It was like living in a different world from when I lived with mum. You know I never once saw my aunt drink, she didn’t swear or smoke and she went to church every Sunday. She wasn’t even old!”
I suddenly think back to the night dad told me about my own mam having a miscarriage and a memory from primary school of a classmate dying of cancer.
“Sadly it’s not just old people who die Liam. That doesn’t stop it hurting so much though for those of us left behind. Every life is precious.”
“I guess you’re right. You know you were right about sitting here too. I had no idea a sleeping child could weigh so much!”
“You can put her down if you want?”
“What? On the floor?”
“No. On your bed if that’s ok? She’ll probably nap for at least an hour. If you want me to go before then that’s not a problem though.”
I feel his hand grasping mine even tighter as he looks right at me.
“I never want you to go. Ever.”
I smile. I don’t want to leave, not right now, though I can’t stay forever either. To start with I have to pick up my brothers from school later and then Courtney and for another I can hardly kidnap my baby sister and take her away from her family. But right now I sense Liam just needs some reassurance this moment that I’m not racing off right this minute.
“I can stay while she naps. You don’t want to hear that cutie scream if she’s woken too early. You might not like her as much then that’s for sure.”
I feel Liam’s body lift as I stand up to give him room to stand with my baby sister in his arms. Getting up out the sofa I feel my bladder really screaming at me to be emptied but I need to help Liam put the baby down safely first. As soon as she’s safe in the middle of a double bed I’ll ask to use the bathroom. It’s definitely becoming a more urgent need now. |
Chapter 117
Megan
Standing in the bedroom gazing at Yasmin I suddenly feel such a strong urge to use the toilet. I’ve been needing to go pretty much since I got here but since getting up from the couch the need has intensified quickly. I’m just trying to muster the courage to ask to go when Liam hugs me as we both look at my sister. The conversation is natural and I try to be patient waiting for a pause long enough to change the subject and say how badly I need the loo.
Then Liam takes my hand and we walk right past the bathroom with its door ajar teasing my mind and driving me crazy. When I get to the kitchen I have to sit down hoping this eases the strong pressure from my bladder and the spasms pushing my body to burst. I need to just ask Liam. How hard can it be? It’s not like he’s a stranger or anything, though this is only my second time ever in his flat. I wriggle because sitting still threatens to cause my urethra to give in as my mind seems to think I might be on a toilet rather that a dining chair. The tea with my early breakfast, my second tea at McDonalds with .Liz and my quick glass of orange before coming here are all conspiring together inside my stretched bladder to push and tingle and throb so many parts of my body at once as I press hard on my upper thigh and breath in as I tighten every muscle possible to prevent a very embarrassing accident in my boyfriend’s kitchen.
I need to say something. I’m absolutely bursting!
I know he’s seen me squirming but I’m so glad he hasn’t said anything. He’s just asked me wether I want tea or coffee and all I can think about is the fact I can’t possibly put any more liquid into my exhausted body until I empty out what is already there. As soon as he brings it over I’ll have to run. I really don’t want to be rude but the pressure is relentless and even my breasts feel enlarged and heavy with the intensity of holding. I can barely concentrate on what Liam is even saying now as all my energy goes into not releasing my bladder. So when Liam sits down and starts apologising for upsetting me I have to confess that my actions and mannerisms aren’t anything to do with what he’s said but all to do with something else: I desperately need to wee!
Finally I say it! Now just to hold back one more minute as i scrunch my midi skirt up by wedging my hand between my legs in a last ditch attempt not to wet myself. I gotta go so bad! So bad I can’t sit still. So bad I can feel my muscles weakening, my hold loosening by the second. As I look up at my boyfriend beseechingly, earnestly, desperately, his eyes sparkle with lust and I notice the top leg of his jeans stretch and move with the growth and thickness of his penis. He said I can use his bathroom, thank God! But first he just wants a kiss…oh mother of Mary he better be quick! A peck on the cheek, or lips ,or why not just blow me a bloody kiss? Anything that gets it over in seconds so I can get to the toilet in time! I have to pee,I absolutely HAVE to pee!
Then his lips touch mine and suddenly sparks fly. I remove my hands from between my legs, wrapping them instead around Liam’s neck as our tongues tickle and explode with an urgency, a passion that makes every part of my body go weak. My head pounds, my heart throbs, my hands and arms pulling Liam’s face closer and closer as my legs squirm and bounce and dance around. Suddenly, as our lips meet, my whole body explodes with excitement, need and sexual energy, combined with such an urgency and compulsion to urinate that my head spins. With Liam’s hands all over my body, his lips intertwined with mine, our sexual energy intensifying by the second, our burning and pressing hunger for each other consuming us both completely, I feel it happen and I can’t stop it. I move my body closer to Liam’s as I wrap my legs around one of his as he holds my body tightly preventing me from falling.
Our kissing rises to a whole other level, our bodies fast reaching a crescendo of frenzied lust and pressing allurement that can only be reached by one act of consummation, our bodies needing each other’s on a level and intensity that is so undeniable and obvious to us both as I shake against Liam’s body as I feel the warmth building slowly but steadily around my vagina, my thighs, my upper legs, and running down my tight-less legs.
I can’t stop where my body is going, or what it is doing as I feel my skirt dripping and warming as I moan and push tighter still against Liam’s leg as my urethra pushes out the full contents of my exhausted bladder even as Liam continues to kiss me, hold me and caress me. As I continue releasing I experience a sexual high as my act gets rewarded by my boyfriend in a way that makes all the effort of holding, all the squirming and fidgeting and fighting against my body worthwhile.
It’s like a high speed train ride with only one destination and it’s a place I long to be urgently and desperately as Liam gently guides my body to the kitchen floor, pulls down his jeans and trunks to his knees then pulls off my soaking wet knickers as seconds later I’m rewarded for the long journey by reaching the most beautiful perfect destination imaginable.
He only asked for a quick kiss but both of us knew it would be fatal, though neither of us imagined it would be this amazing, this wonderful, this beautiful.
As I tilt my head back and orgasm quickly and easily I think of the bookmark under my pillow back home. Suddenly I can recall every word written on it as clear as ever.
“Sometimes our most desperate situations lead to our most beautiful moments.” |
Chapter 118
Liam
I genuinely only wanted to kiss her at first, her squirming and fidgeting driving me crazy. I didn’t intend for things to escalate so quickly but like a pullback spring loaded toy I can no longer stop, no longer slow down, no longer control where my passions are taking me. I long for Megan like an addict longs for their next high, her body language telling me in no uncertain terms that she feels exactly the same. I haven’t forgotten that she’s desperate to pee, if anything that fact consumes my every thought as her legs bounce and jump about and move frantically even as we kiss deeply and passionately. My head tells me I need to let her go so she can use my toilet but my body just can’t part from hers like we are glued together tightly.
The speed at which things happen is incredible, intensive, frantic. I have to use my full strength to hold Megan upright against me as she wraps her legs around one of mine like a dog on heat. It feels awesome, wonderful, erotic, as I feel her legs rub against mine and her crotch grind against my thigh. My jeans are too thick to be able to tell wether she’s throbbing or wet or swollen down there but my imagination runs wild with thoughts of her body yearning for mine as much as I long for her right now.
Then I feel it…a warmth at first, then an unusual dampness like I’ve somehow spilled warm liquid on my upper thigh. Oh fuck! It can’t be! It can’t be what I think it is? My dick throbs and shakes in my jeans pointing and aiming right at Megan’s legs as I want to scream with urgent need for the woman in my arms. I strain my ears to hear the beautiful quiet hiss, closing my eyes as I thoroughly treasure the increasing wetness that is soaking through the leg of my jeans, my mouth locked firmly into Megan’s. I’m lost in a world of sexual ecstasy where the inevitability of entering Megan is a foregone conclusion that can’t come quick enough. I have to have her. I can’t take any more of this. I’m about to explode in passion.
Instinctively I lie her gently on the floor as I speedily and urgently undo my jeans and pull them down with my underwear just far enough to allow my throbbing penis to spring out and surge towards the most beautiful woman to ever exist. My thigh feels warm and wet as my eyes are drawn to Megan’s soaked skirt in front of me as I pull it up around her and pull her soaked knickers down her bare legs. Oh how sexy her body is as I lean in towards her and let my body join with hers in delightful, necessary and such natural intercourse. I’m already right on the edge and feeling her wet warm vaginal lips around my sensitive thick manhood sends fireworks exploding instantly like a forest fire that can’t be contained. I cum quickly and suddenly as my beloved girl shakes with the thrill of my body joining hers.
Fuck. I only meant to kiss her. Honestly I did.
I sit back on my kitchen floor almost toppling over as I practically fall over my jeans which are hanging by my knees awkwardly. I pull them off to look at them, feeling the large wet patch on my left leg as I lean down to pull Megan up. She smiles at me, her eyes twinkling.
“I’ve got room for that cup of tea now. Oops…your jeans are wetter than I expected.”
“I think your skirt is even worse!”
I help her stand up as she slips effortlessly out her midi skirt turning it in her hands to inspect the damage.
“Oh. I did say I had to go I suppose. Good job I’ve got the van here I guess. Maybe I had better go home and get a fresh skirt? I can’t collect my brothers or Courtney from school like this can I? Oops.”
Still sitting on the cold kitchen floor looking right up at my girlfriend standing naked from the waist down with my own private area on display for her to see, my jeans and underwear both lying beside me on the floor, I turn around and grab Megan’s still warm but absolutely soaked knickers as I hold them up.
“You’ll be needing a clean pair of these too then. Oh God Megan I do so adore you. You are ok about what we just did aren’t you?’
She leans down to pull me up as I notice her rosy cheeks and beaming face.
“Yes! Of course I am silly.”
She takes her wet pants in her hands and looks at them closely.
“I was absolutely bursting you know. I did try to hold but I’d been needing to go so long you know and when I finally asked I knew I was close to having an accident. I’m sorry about your jeans though.”
She turns round to look at the drinks and sandwiches still on the table as I watch her sit down on my dining chair, her bare bottom looking stunning, as she drinks from one of the mugs.
“Ah perfect. Just the right temperature too. As soon as I’ve drank this I suppose I had better nip back home quickly and get myself sorted. Thank goodness Liz let me keep the van! I better be quick though before Theresa or dad get home from work and catch me.”
“What about Yasmin?”
With a sandwich wedged in her mouth and between gulps of tea she looks at me with her sweet eyes and cute smile.
“I couldn’t leave her here could I? I will be really quick. Promise.” |
Chapter 119
Megan
Liam bags my wet pants for me into a sandwich bag and after guzzling the tea and finishing the sandwich I slip my wet skirt back on, turning it so the wettest part is at the front as I run out of Liam’s flat leaving my sleeping sister on his bed, not even taking so much as the baby bag with me. I slide into the high driving seat and start the van noticing it’s now twenty past 1 and praying my sister hasn’t finished work early. It’s not far to my home as I park the van quickly right outside the gate and rush in hoping no-one sees me. Finding the door locked I breath a sigh of relief as I step inside the front door, close the door, step out of my skirt and rush to the kitchen to put my wet clothes in the washing machine and the sandwich bag in the bin. I close the machine door to hide the evidence then take the stairs two at a time with my heart pounding as I race to the room I share with my older sister and fumble in drawers for some clean clothes.
Grabbing a pair of knickers, the first ones my hand touches, I slip them on hastily then pop into my parents room to get a baby wipe to wipe my damp legs before stepping into a clean skirt. Thankfully, and rather miraculously, my shoes remain dry as I toss the used wipe in the bin by the door of my room and race back downstairs to get back to my baby sister and Liam urgently. I’m just about to walk out the door when I see a light on the hall telephone flashing. Worried it’s something urgent I press play on the answer machine and listen to the message.
“Hi, this is a message for the family of Mrs Mary Catalina Murphy. This is nursing sister Amber O’Donnal from Ulster hospital high dependency unit. When you receive this message could you please call me back as soon as possible on 028 9048 4511 extension 115 thank you.”
I absolutely must get back to Yasmin and get out the house before either Theresa or dad get back from work but what if something has happened to mam? The phone won’t flash now I’ve listened to the message so no-one else will even know it’s there to call the hospital and with picking up the boys from school then having to pick up Courtney too it’ll be hours before I am back home. Terrified and anxious I listen to the message again and scribble down the number using the pad and pencil by the phone then call back right away listening to the welcome message and pressing the extension as requested.
“Ulster hospital high dependency unit, Vicky speaking how can I help you?”
Timidly I tell her who I am and that I am calling because an Amber O’Donnal left a message. The young professional sounding girl puts me on hold while she presumably goes to find the nurse who called. I’m put on to a slightly older lady who introduces herself before confirming who I am.
“Thank you so much for calling back. Your mum is doing slightly better and after a visit earlier today she allowed one of my nursing staff to feed her some food orally and she had some water to drink. Her stats are stable and the doctor has been round to see her and made a decision that your mum is now well enough to be moved to a ward. She was transferred to our psychiatric wing and admitted to ward P6 around an hour ago. Visiting there is 2-3 and 7-8 daily. Access is via the psychiatric wing directly rather than through the main building. I wanted you to know right away as your mum was a little agitated when she was being moved.”
She finishes and the silence seems to last forever as I have no idea what to say. I gulp then say ‘thank you’, but for some strange reason keep the phone to my ear.
“I need to go now but I wish your mum all the best in her recovery. I hope she continues to make good progress. Bye.”
I wait until the dial tone comes on before finally hanging up. I scribble down P6 on the paper under the number then drop the pencil and paper down and rush out the door, making sure to lock it again as I race back to Liam’s. I tentatively knock Liam’s door rather than ring the bell and risk waking my baby sister. Liam answers smiling wearing shorts and a t-shirt and looking the most relaxed I have seen him in ages.
“You should have just came in Megan. You were quick!”
“Was Yasmin ok?”
“She’s still sound asleep. Come and see.”
I look into his room seeing my sister lying exactly as I left her earlier. I turn to find Liam standing beside me.
“Thank you. You know something; that’s the first I have ever left Yasmin with anyone ever. She’s gonna be hungry when she wakes. She’s usually had her lunch by now.”
Liam reaches out and clasps my hand.
“Thank you for trusting me with her. I’m not sure what she likes to eat but you’re welcome to make her anything I have.”
We leave her napping still as I follow Liam into his cosy living room where he sits back on the small couch and beckons me to sit beside him, the colourful nappy bag sitting exactly where I let it earlier reminding me that I put in a jar of baby food when I left home earlier so when my sister wakes I can feed her before I need to leave again to get my brothers and Courtney.
I haven’t stopped all day so I’m more than happy to snuggle with my favourite man, at least until Yasmin wakes for lunch and I need to do the school pick ups. |
Chapter 121
Megan
Too many times I heard teachers, friends and even my own mam calling me hopeless and I know how much it hurts. I won’t ever allow anyone to call someone else it even if referring to themselves. I know Liam is in shock, confused, and heartbroken but I still can’t let him call himself that.
I’m so proud of him. So incredibly proud of him. I also feel so protective of him too, especially as he cries in my arms a broken man. My heart is torn in two as I hear my baby sister crying in the other room and I know I need to go get her. I hate leaving Liam especially just as he’s started talking, really talking. I go pick up Yasmin, reassuring her loads while she cuddles in to me still waking up. She must feel so confused and disoriented waking in a strange place without her familiar things around her. I know I would be and I’m 22 not 15 months and I don’t have any of her difficulties either. As I talk to her she snuggles quietly as I sit close to Liam, grateful he isn’t trying to chat to Yasmin or overwhelming her just as she’s waking up.
We sit there, all three of us snuggled quietly together on the two seater couch when the silence is interrupted by Liam. Without moving he casually but gently asks if Yasmin is hungry and if I’d like him to make her anything. Noticing the time on his living room clock I sit up suddenly and look at him, the baby sitting more upright now as I move.
“Goodness I don’t have a lot of time. You don’t happen to have a microwave bowl do you? I brought a jar of baby food with me but didn’t think to bring a bowl.”
Liam stands and goes into the kitchen standing at the doorway showing me a plastic porridge bowl. “This ok?”
“Perfect.”
I lean into the baby change bag and fish out the jar of food then stand up with the baby in my arms and the jar in my hand as I walk towards Liam’s kitchen. I try unscrewing the top whilst holding the baby but it’s too difficult. Liam takes it off me and opens it effortlessly. I start asking him to spoon out about half of it but when he goes to get a spoon he turns and looks at me.
“Would it be easier if I held the baby for you?”
“If she’s happy to go to you that would be much easier. Thank you.”
Liam takes Yasmin out my arms as she immediately cuddles into his chest happily while I heat her food and put some water in her tippy cup. I pop into the living room again for her bib and plastic spoon and return to find Liam sitting on a dining seat with Yasmin on his knee.
“You ok to keep her while I feed her?”
“If she’s happy then I’m happy.”
After feeding Yasmin and cleaning her up I wash up the bowl and spoon and return them to the changing bag constantly watching my time. Liam carries Yasmin into his living room and sits down on the armchair opposite me facing Yasmin towards me on his knee.
“I never actually thought I ever wanted kids you know. Lauren talked about them once or twice but mainly because I think she saw them as a status symbol. I could never imagine her feeding a baby messy food like you just did. I was always too scared of the responsibility. I couldn’t ever imagine myself leaving my child like mum did to me or being like my dad and denying he even had a child, but the idea of them restricting everything you do, having to always think about someone else, plus the sheer money they cost was always too much of an off putter for me. But this little one is adorable. I think I could warm to the idea perhaps. What about you?”
“I’m child 5 out of 9 Liam. I’ve never not been around other kids and babies and since Yasmin was born I have been even more involved what with mam being ill and me losing my job. Would I want my own babies one day? I guess so but maybe not quite as many as 9!”
“Thank goodness for that! I mean I do love sex with you but fuck I’d need to go some to keep up with that demand. Your mum and dad must really have been at it!”
“Yuck! That’s not exactly a nice thought you know! Gosh is that the time? I better start getting ready to get the boys. They won’t be expecting me in the van so I’ll need to be waiting for them so they don’t miss me. They usually just walk home together so this will be a real surprise for them. Anthony will love the McGintley’s van. When he was little he was mad on cars. He still knows all the names and models now. You will be ok on your own now won’t you?”
“I’m a big boy now honey. Honestly I’ll be fine.”
I look at him, winking and giggling like a silly schoolgirl. I look at his crotch and blush.
“I can certainly vouch for the fact you are indeed a big boy Liam. That much is most definitely not in doubt!”
I stand up and put the large baby bag over my shoulder as I go to take my sister from my boyfriend’s arms.
“Good job you’re leaving Miss Murphy with thoughts like that! And here was me thinking you were such a good Catholic girl too. I could tell that man in robes a thing or two about you eh!”
He leans down to kiss my forehead as he hands me my little sister. I wink as I head for the front door.
“Oh Father Reilly has heard an awful lot about me already. I was a right regular in confession for years you know!”
As he follows behind me holding his front door open for me I hear his lovely English accent as I step down his front stairs carefully.
“I wish I had been a fly on the wall in confession when you were in there.”
As I slide the door of the van open and step inside to strap Yasmin in I can’t help but blush and smile as I mutter under my breath, out of earshot of Liam who is standing at his front door in just his shorts and t-shirt,
“Oh you’d have loved to be a fly on the wall in there for sure! Probably a little too much mind you! Maybe one day Liam Jude I’ll tell you more. I have a funny feeling we’d both enjoy that!” |
Chapter 123
Megan
I pull up and park as close to St. Christopher’s primary as I can staying in the van as long as possible to avoid having to get Yasmin out. Chelsea’s school is the other side of town off the A20 towards Belfast and while it only took about twenty minutes to get there this morning it will take a bit of time to get out of the school traffic this end and I can’t risk being late to Clifton school. Parking there will be just as hard too judging by the volume of school buses and taxis I witnessed this morning. There’s parents chatting and waiting everywhere as I listen for the bell and watch the school gate closely. I can’t risk missing my brothers.
When the bell rings I get out the van, slide the side door open and stand in front of it as I anxiously scan all around for the boys. Kids come pouring out quickly, all dressed the same, the noise and bustle starting to upset and unsettle Yasmin in her borrowed car seat. I might have missed Rory if it hadn’t been for Anthony standing out among the younger children due to his height. I wave and call to my brothers praying they see me. As they walk out the gate I risk leaving my sister briefly to run towards her them to call them to the van.
“Climb in boys. You can get in the front if you want Anthony? Hurry. I need to be somewhere in less than half an hour!”
“Megan, can’t we just go home? Whose van is this? Where are we going anyway?”
“You both belted in? I’ll explain as I drive ok.”
It takes an age to get out past the school and out the estate onto the main roads. I can see Rory in the inside mirror talking to his sister and Anthony looking tense beside me so as I finally get into third gearas I pull onto the A20 I explain what’s happening.
“Chelsea, the girl I help care for, is highly stressed getting school transport. This is her parent’s van, well Chelsea’s really. I drove it this morning to her school to get her mam because she went in the school bus with Chelsea and she needed someone to drive her home. Liz, that’s Chelsea’s mam, asked if I could get Chelsea from school this afternoon because she got so upset on the school bus this morning. She let me have this van all day. I told her I needed to be home for both of you but she was really stuck because she can’t drive so I suggested picking you both up and we could all get Chelsea then once we drop her home we can all walk back to ours. It’s not that far. They live on the same estate as us.. What do you think of this van then Ant? It’s pretty cool don’t you think?”
“Ford Turneo independence. One of the most popular wheelchair assessable vehicles from memory and a very versatile MPV. Cool van, definitely. Is there no-one else at home then?”
“I don’t think so. Theresa should be home soon though, same with dad. We shouldn’t be long behind then. I’ll get dinner as soon as we get home if that’s what you’re worried about. Do they never feed you in school?”
“They do. Not up to much though. It wasn’t dinner though it’s just…don’t worry I was just thinking out loud. As you say we won’t be long until we’re back.”
I carry on driving following the in-built car sat nav carefully as the traffic builds up and the passengers all stop talking. I’m about half way to Clifton school when Rory suddenly blurts out from the back out of nowhere,
“Megan, do schools for disabled children have bathrooms like normal schools?”
“I expect so. Though they probably have more accessible toilets I would expect. Children like Chelsea often need adult support to use the toilet, like hoists or benches to lie on, that sort of thing. What made you ask that?”
“I was just wondering.”
He doesn’t say anything more and I don’t give it a second thought as I concentrate hard on finding the school again and then parking. I turn off the engine and I’m relieved to see there’s still almost five minutes before the bell is due to ring. I turn to check on Yasmin and Rory to let them know what’s about to happen. Rory is fidgety but that’s nothing unusual for him.
“It’s probably better if you three stay here and I’ll bring Yasmin over. The back of the van opens right out to make a ramp so I can wheel her chair right in but the car park gets really busy so it’s safer to stay here. You two boys will keep your sister entertained won’t you? I won’t be long.”
Anthony nods, though he remains quiet, but Rory gets antsy and immediately unclips his seat belt.
“Please can I come with you?”
I get out the driver’s side then walk around and slide the passenger back door open as my little brother jumps out straight away. I take his hand as we cross the car park towards the front door of Clifton school.
“Did you not want to stay in the van out the cold Rory?”
“I wanted to see Chelsea.”
“Fair enough.”
The buses are lined up in rows with drivers and escorts standing beside them all displaying lanyards. I realise suddenly I haven’t got anything to say who I am as I realise I had better pop into the school office to make sure they know I am here for Chelsea McGintley. I buzz the office and the door beeps and a light goes green to say I can enter. As an older friendly lady slides the glass hatch door open I smile at her as Rory annoyingly starts moving around like he’s got ants in his pants. I turn to tell him to behave as I smile back at the lady and tell her who I am and who I am here to collect.
“Ah yes. Mrs McGintley called earlier to say you would be picking up Courtney today. I’ll just phone along to her class now and see if someone can bring her along for you instead of her going out the usual way. We have the buses pick up at the side exit as it’s easier to keep the office clear. If you could just wait a minute please.”
I take a step back and glare at my younger brother who is still jiggling about hyper.
“Rory for goodness sake stand still will you. You’ll get in the way of everyone dancing about like that.”
“I’m sorry Meg. I just really really need the toilet! I’ve been holding the whole way here and I can barely keep it in now!”
I step over to him and bend my head to his level.
“Right. Ok. Can you wait until you get home do you think?”
“I really don’t think so.”
“Didn’t you go in school?”
“I forgot!”
“Right. Do your absolute best to keep it in and I’ll ask if you can use a toilet here before we leave. Are you absolutely sure you can’t wait until we get home.”
“I need it really bad.”
I sigh. As the office lady returns to confirm that Chelsea will be brought out to me at the office I swallow my pride, take pity on my brother, and ask quietly if he could possibly use their toilet.I don’t manage to hear her answer though as the school bell rings loudly drowning her out. |
Chapter 124
Liam
Sipping at my hot coffee I scroll down my mobile for my mum’s phone number then press dial. There’s a brief pause before it begins to ring then I instantly lose courage and hang up. How am I even supposed to tell her about her sister when I know so little myself still? I notice the time on my phone and suddenly think about Megan. I don’t imagine she’s home yet and I assume she’s driving so decide not to text or call her for now. Instead I switch on the TV and finish my coffee as I watch some quiz show that I’m not even that interested in.
I must dose off as I wake to my mobile ringing on the coffee table beside my empty coffee mug. I grab it from the table as it bounces and vibrates edging ever closer to the edge. It takes me a few moments to place the voice on the other end, even after they introduce themselves. I scarcely know them but they were very close to my aunt and I can hear the emotion in their voice. Their kindness, genuineness and gentle voice somehow feels comforting as I welcome their support and offers of help. Their knowledge of what is supposed to happen and when is so appreciated too as the whole thing is so new and overwhelming to me.
Andrew Watt offers to conduct the funeral for free and adds that the church will also do a little tea afterwards too. I cringe at the idea of sipping tea in the back hall of Aunt Ella’s church having last set foot in the hall as a young child in Sunday school. I do agree though that it’s exactly what my aunt would have wanted. He asks me about dates and I stumble over my words trying to tell him about a post-mortem and the fact I now live in Northern Ireland. I’m a but surprised when he still goes on about dates saying things like ‘in my experience’ and ‘in the past I found that’. It makes me wonder just how many of his parishioners have died or wether his previous occupation was as an undertaker? Nevertheless I am glad for his help as he ends the call sharing a recent lovely memory of my aunt and then praying for me. It makes me feel like I’m right back in Megan’s church and I wonder if I am meant to repeat anything after him? I don’t know so just settle for quietly repeating the amen at the end.
I put the phone back on the table and take my empty mug into the kitchen. Rinsing the mug I shiver as I quite suddenly need to pee so I turn the tap off, dry my hands on the tea towel and start walking quickly towards the loo when I nearly jump out my skin at something I see. The handle of my front door is moving and someone is pushing the door open! My jaw drops and my eyes stare as I prepare to shout at some cheeky intruder to scare them away when suddenly right in front of me I see Flavius with his usual backpack on his back. I know I ought to continue to the bathroom as I very much need to go but it suddenly feels impolite, rude even, as I instead smile at him and hold the door open for him to come in.
“Czesc Pan Jude!”
I’m guessing that’s ‘Hello Mr Jude’ in whatever language he speaks so I nod and close the door behind him. While I wasn’t particularly expecting him it does feel comforting to not be alone anymore even if we don’t speak the same language. He turns and uses his hand to gesture for a drink so I abandon my toilet trip for the time being and head to the kitchen. Flavius follows, pulling his backpack off his back as he sits on the same dining chair Megan sat on earlier and nods when I open the fridge and point to some cold cans of Lidl’s own brand cola. I hand him a can and take one myself as Flavius pulls the ring pull, drinks a large amount quickly then puts the can on the table, miming driving with his hands and commenting,
“Dlugi dzien jazdy!”
I’m guessing he’s been driving all day and been thirsty. I sip at my own can whilst standing leaning on my kitchen counter very aware I need to piss but not wanting to rush off and be seen as impolite.
“Dziękuję Ci”, Flavius continues with a thumbs up. I wish I knew what language he spoke so I could at least say something back but I copy his thumbs up anyway and sip my cola hoping that Flavius goes to his room or even into the living room so I can politely leave him to use the toilet. Watching my house guest drinking the rest of his can only increases my need exponentially. I cross my legs and frantically try thinking of any excuse I can to nip to my own loo. Flavius smiles, clearly unaware of the urgency in my body as he crushes his empty can in his hand and points to my fridge to request another one. As I bend down to reach into my fridge to get him a second can a strong pulsation from my bladder hits me and I feel my manhood twitching in my shorts as it begs me to pee right this instant!
I place the can on the table in front of Flavius and turn to rush to my toilet before I embarrass myself when I feel tapping on my back. I turn, gasping and trying hard not to swear as I slip a hand desperately into my shorts pocket to squeeze my dick while I now face my house guest frustratedly.
“Pan Jude…”
Fuck Flavius just hurry the fuck up with whatever you want me for so I can fucking piss man!
I grit my teeth and smile though inwardly I want to yell as I massage my penis through my pocket as another spasm hits hard. I have no idea what the man in front of me is saying but I can now, at last, work out what he thought was so urgent as he pulls his wallet out his backpack and hands me £60.
Of course I need his money but I also urgently need something else and if he doesn’t stop chatting to me my shorts will end up being my second item of clothing drenched in piss in one day!
I take the money and grip my dick as tightly as I can as I give him another thumbs up while gritting my teeth. |
Chapter 129
Megan
Tuesday morning I leave the younger kids with Theresa while I walk to the McGintley’s. I don’t need the sat nav to get to Chelsea’s school any more and since Liz never mentioned keeping the van all day I drive back to her house, park it outside, hand in the keys, then walk home. The boys are at school, dad at work, and Theresa is in the kitchen mopping the floor with Yasmin in her high chair when I get back. Theresa offers to go grocery shopping and I write her a long list of things we need. I tell her to leave Yasmin with me and I glance at dad’s note on the notice board to see who is due to visit mam today. Theresa is down for this afternoon. Dad has scored out the previous visiting times from the high dependency and replaced them with the new times for the ward. 2 until 3pm visiting will mean no-one is home again for the boys so I text Liz to check if it’s ok to bring Yasmin and pick my brothers up again this afternoon before getting Chelsea. Remembering the state both of my brothers were in yesterday makes me realise that this current arrangement isn’t sustainable long term, though it also makes me think fondly of Liam and a casual remark he mentioned days ago about always being bursting to pee after work. Seeing my brothers desperate isn’t in any way something I enjoy but the thought of my boyfriend bursting is immensely pleasing indeed.
After Liz replies saying that getting the boys first is fine I call Liam to see how he is. When he doesn’t answer I sort Yasmin and get on with some things in the house. I’d text him three times this morning before he replied so I just assume he’s busy today. With Theresa and dad both working full time and the boys at school I realise just how much needs done at home just to keep the house in order. I always did more than my fair share but now even the little mam did do is down to me too. It’s a struggle at times working around Yasmin as she cries every time I leave her, something she never seemed to do before. The being passed from one person to another is clearly starting to affect her.
Lilly calls to say that mam was settled in the ward when she went this morning but not talking at all. It’s now almost a week since she took way too many tablets and still no-one knows why. I wonder if we ever will find out.
Theresa returns just after I have make lunch for Yasmin and have a coffee and a packet of crisps myself. I help her put the groceries away as she moans at how much it all cost and how overpriced the taxi home was too. She’s even grumpier when I remind her I have work tonight.
“I’ve just done all the shopping! I’m not cooking for everyone too. It’s meant to be my day off!”
I look over at Yasmin and roll my eyes even though she clearly doesn’t understand.
“I’ll cook tea don’t worry. Oh and all your clothes are washed, dried and put away. Your uniforms are in your second drawer where I know you keep them and I’ve hoovered upstairs and cleaned the bathroom. I’d even have done the shopping had I had the cash.
“I’ve kept the receipt for dad. There’s no way I’m being out all this. Honestly Meg the stuff you put on that list!”
We’re still putting tins, frozen food and fresh items away as I look at what’s in my hand.
“This is just essentials too, and that’s with just 6 of us in the house. Heaven only knows how much it cost when there were 11 here when we were younger!”
As she empties the final bag with toilet rolls and other stuff for the bathroom I hear my sister sigh.
“Do you ever think about moving out Meg?”
“Sometimes. You?”
“Don’t tell dad yet will you but something’s came up at work. The couple that own the home are opening a new home out Belfast way and I’ve been approached about being a team leader there. It would be too much travelling to stay here but the wages are much better. I’ve been looking at my options and even mentioned to mam the night I shared chips with her, but then mam took sick and it didn’t feel right to mention it again. I was planning to take the train to Belfast today to view some places but now I need to visit mam, look after the boys while you work and I had to spend all my money on this lot! Even if dad gives me a cheque I won’t get the money back for a full week. Brendon is expecting an answer about the position by the end of the week too!”
“I had no idea.”
“I’m nearly 24 Megan. It’s time I moved out. Mam isn’t going to get better. We both know that. The hospital will get her stable, tweak her meds a bit, then send her home and leave her again. It’s not her fault but I can’t just turn this down. It’s such a great opportunity.”
“You need to do what’s right for you.”
“I do. Maybe I’ll even meet someone one day too. I can only hope eh.”
I open the fridge and get some sausages and start frying them while my sister puts the kettle on.
“I thought you’d had lunch?”
“I just had a packet of crisps but this is for dinner. I’ll stick them in the slow cooker with some casserole sauce and veg because I need to take the boys with me to Chelsea’s school again because dad won’t be home and you’ll be at the hospital and by the time I get back I’ll only have an hour before I need to leave again. Don’t worry about the baths and stuff. I’ll do all that when I get back.”
She sits down looking at Yasmin in her high chair.
“Thank goodness! You’re cute little one but you sure scream when you get that lovely hair of yours washed don’t you?”
“She’s not been a happy bunny today with me cleaning. Ending up having to have her with me in every room I went to. Hopefully she’s ok in the van later. She’s probably missing mam.”
“She’s not the only one.” |
Chapter 130
Liam
Flavius leaves on Tuesday morning as normal after breakfast and I spend the full day alone in my flat. I don’t want to hassle Megan and I’m so exhausted and sad I only eat the bare essentials, missing lunch altogether. I pass the time watching rubbish TV and don’t even realise until early afternoon that I forgot to charge my phone overnight. It’s takes me over an hour to motivate myself to plug it in as I’m actually grateful to not have to face any texts or calls for a bit.
I don’t even realise I have missed a text from Megan until early evening but then I reply right away. When she doesn’t instantly reply I run myself a bath and leave the phone in the living room. I’d love nothing more than to be with her right now but she’s probably working or with her family and I’m way down her list of priorities right now.
I head to bed early and try to sleep dosing and then waking almost every hour again. I’m beginning to wish Shaun hadn’t given me the week off work as at least work would motivate me to get dressed, eat and get out the flat. Instead I doss about in just my underwear drinking water and staring at the same four walls stuck in a rut. I refuse to think about my aunt’s funeral or anything to do with her dying or her house and life back in Chester. When I arrived here in Bangor I shut out the whole situation with Lauren only facing it when Lauren started posting crap on Facebook. I do the exact same about the news of my aunt thinking that if I don’t do anything that maybe I’ll find that the phone call from Derek on Sunday was just a horrible nightmare. As if to try and make that come true I call my aunt’s home phone but then have to run and vomit when the answer machine plays a bright recording of her voice. I need to face the fact she won’t answer me anymore. Not today. Not ever again.
I get some more water and eat a banana to put something in my delicate stomach as reality hits me and I know I need to face life head on. My mind is so tired and confused so I call Mabel, my aunt’s friend, who I spoke to on Monday, and get confirmation of where my aunt worked. It’s good to know my guess was right as I google the number and call them. The cheery voice at the other end seems so wrong but they do become very subdued and sober on hearing the news of my aunt. They’d all been extremely worried with my aunt not coming into work all week, something my aunt had never done in her 20 plus years working there. They’d been trying to contact her and while my name had been mentioned no-one had my contact details. I promise to keep them informed about the funeral arrangements then tell them I need to go.
I genuinely do have to go as a beep on the line tells me someone is trying to get through to me. As soon as I hang up to my aunt’s old work the second number connects instantly. Surprisingly it’s the coroner’s office updating me on progress. They received my aunt’s medical records this morning and the coroner doesn’t feel a post-mortem is necessary. My aunt apparently had atrial fibrillation all her life and in the last two years had been seeing her GP regularly about it after a suspected minor stroke which I knew nothing about, and had just been put a new medication which in rare cases can have the opposite effect on the heart and cause it to beat too fast and result in sudden death. With no other known medical issues, and taking everything else into consideration, the cause of death will be recorded as sudden ventricular fibrillation and I can now register the death and arrange the funeral.
I text Megan right after and feel so relieved when she replies right away saying she’ll pop over before doing the school run as she has the McGintley’s van again. Within 20 minutes she’s at my door with the baby! Putting the little girl on the floor to play she throws her arms around me and we hold each other for ages only parting when Megan yells in shock.
“Liam look! Look at Yasmin! Oh my word she’s never ever done that! I’ve been trying to get her to do that for months! Oh Yasmin…well done sweetheart!”
I gaze at the little one who has taken hold of my small coffee table and somehow pulled her little body to standing as her older sister looks at her thrilled like she’s just won the lottery. We both cheer and clap as the baby smiles at us and I can’t help thinking how much my aunt would have adored Yasmin as she always did love babies and children. I kneel down on the floor to be at Yasmin’s level and can’t stop myself kissing her little cheek and hugging her like she’s more than just my girlfriend’s baby sister. I wipe a tear from my cheek as the baby touches my face affectionately.
I know I’m vulnerable, emotional too, but I can feel myself getting attached to little Yasmin in a way that scares me and thrills me at the same time. Holding her in my arms makes me feel wanted, needed and even liked as she feels my stubble and pulls at my hair.
“She likes you Liam.”
“Doesn’t she pull everyone’s hair and put her fingers in their mouths then?”
Megan laughs and I gaze at her beautiful face and hope I never ever tire of seeing her pink cheeks, perfect lips and glowing eyes. I have no idea what I would do without her, or her amazing baby sister. |
Chapter 131
Megan
Just like Monday I pick the boys up after school on Tuesday to drive to Clifton school to get Chelsea, and just like Monday both boys clearly very much need the toilet when they get into the van. With being so busy at home and rushing about looking after Yasmin on my own after Theresa leaves for the hospital I also need to go a lot too so I risk pulling into the retail park to the big Tesco and letting both boys run into the toilets. As I let Rory out the back I suddenly realise that I can’t leave Yasmin and taking her in will add time that I don’t have so I sit in the van with her while the boys go together. Time ticks on and by the time the boys get back I panic about being late for Chelsea so have to hold on all the way to the school and even all the way back.
I keep the boys with me but wish I hadn’t as when I get to Chelsea’s Liz chats away to Anthony and Rory outside for ages while I get the buggy up and Yasmin strapped in, all the time absolutely urgently needing to pee. As I hand Liz the van keys I can’t stand still and she must notice as she quietly asks if I am ok. In all my time working for the McGintley’s I have never once asked to use their bathroom but the thought of the walk home is just too much and I have to ask if I can possibly use their bathroom. I am almost having an accident in front of my employer and my younger siblings when Liz tells me to go in quickly while she watches the boys and Yasmin for me. I have to wait to get safely past Chelsea in her chair, which is almost too much, but once inside I am so glad they showed me around when I was interviewed as I run directly to the wet room on the ground floor and make it in just in time.
When I get home with the boys and Yasmin Iain is there waiting with dad and Theresa. The boys are excited to see their older brother again and run towards him as I collapse the buggy and put it away then leave the baby in the living room with the others while I peel some potatoes and cook them to have with the sausage casserole. I text Liam again but again I get no answer. I don’t have time to worry though as I get dinner organised, eat it and feed Yasmin then head out back to the McGintley’s for work.
I take Chelsea swimming which she loves and then Mr McGintley surprises me by saying if it’s easier I can keep the van for the rest of the week as a thank you for helping them out getting Chelsea to and from school all week. That makes Wednesday morning much easier, combined with the fact I leave Yasmin at home with Iain, and it means when I get a text from Liam after lunch I can immediately head round to see him telling Iain that I am just going to meet a friend before going to get Chelsea from school. I can leave a bit later too since the boys can walk home with their older brother at home for them.
Seeing Liam on Wednesday makes me want to cry. He’s aged even in a few days and he looks gaunt and grey as he answers the door to me. I could have left Yasmin with her brother but as Iain said she’d cried the whole time I was out in the morning and as she’s been loving the journeys with me so far I suggest I take her as normal, much to Iain’s relief.
I put her on the floor in Liam’s living room as I hold my boyfriend tight and comfort him. When I glance down at Yasmin I am amazed and shocked to see shes’s standing up holding onto his coffee table as I point to her in delight at her achievement and say to Liam, though I don’t for a moment expect him to understand how significant a milestone it is for Yasmin. His reaction amazes me every bit as much as Yasmin’s new skill does as he bends down to her level, kisses her cheek, hugs her and holds her in his arms like the most prized possession he owns. He’s so good with her, so natural and loving, that I wonder if Yasmin might be the only one who can truly help him through his overwhelming grief.
I stay for a coffee and long enough to watch Liam eat something, even though it’s only beans on toast, and to let Yasmin show off her new found skill again while Liam and myself snuggle on the two seater couch together while I google how to register a death online and Liam gives my sister some more attention. With the help of details the coroner emails Liam together we somehow manage to register his aunt’s death remotely before I email a funeral director in Chester. They phone back right away and carefully explain the process we need to go through now. I don’t want to leave Liam to collect Chelsea and neither does Yasmin as she cries at being taken to the van. Liam gets so emotional at seeing her crying that I jokingly suggest he comes with me just to keep her from crying.
I laugh as Liam immediately runs inside for his door key promising the baby he’ll be right back then jumping in the back to sit beside Yasmin as I say that I really must go or I’ll be late for Chelsea. I’m on the busy A20 duel carriageway when Liam announces that Yasmin has fallen asleep as he tells me this is the first he’s been out the house since Monday night. I casually ask where he went then and he tells me about his late night adventure down the rocks on the beach. I carry on driving as if this information is nothing to be concerned about but deep inside my heart is breaking for a man who I love dearly but who right now really shouldn’t be alone.
I just wish I could do more for him. I wish I could be there to look after him like he needs right now. |
Chapter 134
Liam
I don’t get to see much of Megan on either Thursday or Friday but we text often and even call sometimes too. With her older brother home, looking after Yasmin all the time and having to do everything at home with her sister and dad working, plus taking Chelsea to and from school, her days are so full already. I find both days fly in too as my phone and emails are crazy with having to arrange my aunt’s funeral from miles away. I finally have a date for the funeral: Monday 20th April.
This means I need to somehow get back to England, which ironically is proving the hardest part of all. The coffin, flowers, cremation and transport to the service all apparently get added to the funeral bill, which I am in a panic about as I already know I’ll never be able to pay for it. Megan keeps telling me not to think about that just yet and to concentrate on what my aunt would want rather than cost. That’s not easy either as I have no idea what flowers she liked, or colours she loved or hymns she’d have preferred for a service.
Mabel is a good help with some of the service arrangements as is Andrew Watt, the church minister. So many others in my aunt’s church rally round to volunteer for things so I take up their offer of tea and light snacks afterwards in the church hall. Mr Watt promises me there will be no cost for this and I find myself tearful at his kindness. It means so much hearing how loved and highly thought of my aunt was. I don’t think I feel up to sharing anything on the day myself and Andrew understands but is keen to share a memory I might have anyway. I promise to email some when I can.
With over a week still to go to my aunt’s final goodbye, and knowing I will need more time off to go to England to sort my aunt’s affairs, I call Shaun’s office to update them. Linda, his PA, is lovely and she agrees to me coming back to work next week and having my second week of bereavement leave the week of the funeral. It feels so good to think I have work next week to get a break from having to deal with the heaviness of sorting my aunt’s affairs and funeral.
Thursday night Megan texts me with a thought: perhaps Mr McGintley might be able to see if there’s any financial support to help me pay for the funeral? I know I should contact him but I am so embarrassed and ashamed. I also fear that working full time now will mean I don’t qualify for anything and it’ll be a waste of his time and mine. However, Megan, the darling that she is, gets him to call me on Friday. I think my insomnia, and the shock of my aunt dying suddenly, are affecting my memory as the minute I hear his voice I realise who he is: the man who I saw at the council to get the food bank vouchers and who I was in awe of when he pissed so long the first time we met. He takes all my details and says he’ll call me back as he has a client waiting but that he’s hopeful there will be help available.
I text Megan right after to tell her I have met McGintley before and explain about meeting him the day I had my panic attack. Megan seems confused at this as she confesses that it was him she was meeting too the same day. She calls me and I listen as she tells me on the phone how she ran straight from the cafe that day to meet Mr McGintley at the council headquarters and I tell her how I chased after her and sat at the fountain outside feeling sorry for myself waiting to see him myself. I swallow my pride and finally tell my girlfriend that I had to see a benefits advisor to get vouchers for the food bank.
“As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough Megan I had another serious problem that day too. I was absolutely mortified meeting him for the first time because those two mugs of coffee I had in the cafe with you earlier meant I was desperate to go to the toilet. That poor man had to see me sitting in his office holding myself squirming on the seat because I couldn’t hold my bladder a moment longer. Thank God there was toilets there. I would seriously have embarrassed myself even more if he hadn’t showed me where they were. Anyway, after that I’m pretty sure he won’t forget me in a hurry!”
Megan is so sweet about me having had to use the food bank and very understanding and sympathetic about why I am still so embarrassed to contact Mr McGintley. She tells me about her own appointment too that day and shares openly how she she had been on unemployment benefits for over 2 years since her last job made her redundant. What really affects me though is how she goes on to say that she too had sat in the same small room with Mr McGintley right before me also bursting for the toilet but how she was far too shy to ask him and how she had to buzz the dentists on the way home to use their toilet because she couldn’t wait any longer. I can picture in my mind her sitting in a room squirming and trying to hide her growing urgent need to pee and as expected I feel my penis responding predictably.
I haven’t ejaculated for several days with so much on my mind but suddenly I find myself so hard and needy as I whisper to my girlfriend how turned on she’s making me. She only adds to my horniness as she whispers back casually down the phone,
“You’re not the only one baby. I’m sitting in my room waiting for Iain to get out the bath and the whole time I’ve been on the phone to you I’ve been dancing about squirming because I so need a wee. You’re so lucky having your own bathroom you know!”
“Oh sweetheart…I hope you don’t need to wait too much longer. You must be so bursting! I bet you haven’t been since this morning too? Don’t you need to be leaving for Chelsea soon too? I hope he’s not much longer. That would be a very long drive there and back if you were bursting.”
“Oh God Liam. There’s no way I could hold that long. I really need to go…”
I don’t want to get off the phone as I unzip my jeans and release my hard dick as I stroke it gently listening to Megan on the phone as she moans into my mobile telling me how bursting, how desperate, how urgently she wants to urinate as I feel myself getting closer and closer to sexual climax.
I have the fucking best girlfriend in the whole world. Funeral arrangements will need to wait right now as my body needs something that absolutely can’t wait a minute more. |
Chapter 137
Megan
Friday morning after I get home from taking Chelsea to school I get a text from Liz saying that the bus company have finally agreed to reinstate an escort on the school bus and so she’s agreed to trial Chelsea back in the school bus from Monday. I’m delighted for them, though I can’t deny I will miss having their van to drive around in all day. However, it will make the mornings and afternoons much less stressful, especially with Iain returning to university and Theresa busy with work. I tell Liz I will leave the van back with them tonight after taking Chelsea out and then ask her if it’s ok to take Chelsea to the cinema. Liz agrees but reminds me to call the Odeon ahead to make sure the theatre has wheelchair spaces free.
I haven’t even hung up to Liz when the house phone goes. Iain is upstairs so I race to answer it before it goes onto the answer machine. It’s Aisling checking if she’s on the rota later to visit mam. I walk to the kitchen, with Yasmin crawling around at my feet and clinging to my legs, and check. When I confirm she is she says that she’s been sick all night and has a doctor’s appointment at 1:50 to hopefully get some anti sickness tablets because Harrison is getting concerned about her ongoing sickness still. I tell her to look after herself and let me know how she gets on and not to worry about mam. I remind her that Iain is still here so he should be able to visit instead and she rushes off to be sick again. I pray to St. Anthony for a miracle for my sister to stop being sick in her pregnancy, pick up Yasmin to take her to the living room and sit on the floor to play with her.
Iain comes downstairs and I update him on Aisling asking him if he can visit mam instead. He goes into the kitchen and comes back with some biscuits and tea then sits down handing me a mug of tea and giving Yasmin a rich tea biscuit.
“I was wondering Meg…I can go see mam tonight with dad before I leave tomorrow. What about you pop up to see her this afternoon and then I can be in for the boys from school?”
“I’ve got Chelsea to pick up though. And I’m not sure mam would even want to see me anyway. Maybe Lilly could go? Shaun will be at work, same with Theresa and Harrison, Niamh isn’t here obviously, and dad’s at work. I can’t even think who else could go if you don’t.”
“If I go wouldn’t you need to take the boys with you? That’s a lot of running around when you’ve got work tonight too. Isn’t Ulster hospital not in the same direction as Chelsea’s school too? The boys said you went on the A20 towards Belfast. You could visit mam then go straight for Chelsea could you not?”
“What about Yasmin?”
“She can stay here with me, can’t you sweetie? I mean you can take her if you really want but I’m not sure a Psych ward is ideal for a 1 year old.”
“I’m not sure it’s ideal for a 22 year old either to be honest!”
Iain goes quieter before saying under his breath, “I don’t think it’s ideal for mam either to be honest. She was so low yesterday when I saw her. I think it will do her good to see you you know.”
“Has she mentioned me then?”
“Not while I’ve been there no but dad took in a photo of everyone and put it on mam’s cabinet.”
I pass a toy to Yasmin and shuffle nearer to her on the floor then sip at my tea.
“I bet I’m not in it.”
“You should go see.”
“I suppose.”
I lift Yasmin and hand her to Iain while I get her some milk. After warming her bottle I hand it to Iain then head back to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich.
“Ok Iain. I’ll leave in the next hour or so, visit mam, pick up Chelsea, and then I’ll be back. I should be home about ten past 4 but then I need to leave before 5 for work again. There’s some frozen beef burgers in the freezer and salad in the fridge and oven chips in the freezer. If I go visit mam you reckon you could do dinner for me getting back?”
“Deal! Will Theresa be home before dad and I go up to the hospital later tonight if you’re at work?”
“She said she would.”
“Great.”
I eat my sandwich in the kitchen and have a glass of juice knowing I won’t get a chance to be home again until dinner. I sort out some nappies and wipes for Yasmin for when she wakes from her nap and put a bowl with some baby food in the fridge too. I then find a clean bib to hang over the high chair ready and then head upstairs to put some washing away and to use the toilet before getting myself ready. I notice Iain has put Yasmin in her cot in mam and dad’s room but when I try the bathroom door it’s locked. Iain shouts that he’s just having a bath while Yasmin naps so I head to my room to wait and call Liam. I’m on the phone for a while all the time dancing and fidgeting while Liam tells me all about how he’s met Mr McGintley before and how he’s recently been using a food bank. He shares how he was so desperate to pee the day he first saw him and I tell him about how I was so bursting that day too that I had to use the dentist’s loo on the way home. The whole time I am getting more and more desperate myself and I can’t help telling Liam that knowing it may well be turning him on.
I beg my brother to hurry up before I leave for hospital but he’s taken the radio in with him as I hear music coming from behind the door so I need to either hold on all the way to Chelsea’s school and back or pee somewhere else. I race downstairs and use a cereal bowl from the drying rack to pee inti as it’s the first thing I see. It’s nowhere near big enough but I pee what it will contain and hold the rest as I quickly wash the bowl and leave it to soak in the sink. I wash my hands, grab my handbag and anorak and the van keys and race to Ulster hospital to see my mam, still needing to pee but having to leave regardless.
I manage to park, eventually, and find the psychiatric wing easily. Mam is sitting up in bed without any wires or drips attached to her and there’s a hint of a smile as she sees me enter her four bedded room. I sit beside her and for the next hour we actually talk, not about anything really meaningful but more general updates and news on how everyone in the family is. I tell her about Chelsea and having the McGintley’s bus but don’t mention anything about Liam. I’m not ready for her to know about him yet at all. As I leave I check the photo on mam’s bedside and, as suspected, I am not in it. It was taken at Yasmin’s 1st birthday and I think I might have been the one told to take it. At least I was there, I guess that’s something. I leave sharp still very much needing to pee but in too much of a hurry to be able to search for a toilet.
I arrive at Clifton school in time for Chelsea getting out and call Liam while I wait. I don’t get time to tell him about seeing my mam but I so need to see him so I persuade him to come to the cinema tonight with me. I drive Chelsea home then drive back to mine where Iain has dinner almost ready. Thankfully Theresa is home, as is dad, and we all sit at the dining table eating dinner before I need to rush back out again, still not getting any time to use the bathroom!
It’s not until I sit down at the cinema, blocked in by Chelsea’s chair beside me and an entire row of people the other side of me, that I slow down enough to realise something: I really really should have went to the ladies before the film started. I’ve-been needing to go so long already that the thought of waiting right through a film is horrendous. |
Chapter 139
Megan
All through the hour at hospital talking with mam I could feel that annoying tingling feeling that I ought to find a toilet soon. I did look in the corridor on my way out but there wasn’t any I could see and the ones in the room had a huge notice saying patients only. Driving to Clifton school I need to concentrate on the road a lot more than usual as I’m coming in a different way from normal.My thoughts are on so many other things as I long to tell my boyfriend, my best friend, about seeing mam for the first time since she took an overdose. I have this urgent need to see him as I sit in the car park and ring him hoping he can come to the cinema with me tonight. It might only be a children’s film but I’d still get to see him at least.
I manage to persuade him by saying I’ll pay for his ticket then I have to go as the school bell rings. Chelsea’s eyes light up when I tell her as I wheel her to the van that I’m taking her to the cinema tonight. I secure her chair and climb in the driver’s side, quickly pressing my hand between my legs before I set off as my bladder reminds me quite firmly that I still really need to wee. As usual I chat away to Chelsea in the back telling her Liam is coming along to the cinema too and joking with her that she had better not steal my boyfriend. I see her arms moving happily in the mirror and hear her happy noises as I head alone the A20 towards Bangor.
As I turn into Belfast Road and indicate to turn into the Bloomfield estate I have to fidget in the seat a bit as I actually find myself telling Chelsea about my situation.
“Oh goodness Chelsea, I hope your mam is outside waiting for you. I tell you something I can’t wait to get back to mine. I’ve been needing to pee for ages and I can’t wait to get home to the loo.”
Of course she doesn’t reply but it feels good to share my need nevertheless. Thankfully Liz is outside waiting and I hand over Chelsea with her school bag promptly because I need to get back for her in an hours time. I put my seatbelt back on, glancing in the mirror to make sure Liz isn’t watching, as I once again grab between my kegs to hold back my bladder.
It’s just a quick drive to mine and I plan on going to the bathroom as soon as I get in. Unfortunately I open the front door to Yasmin trying to crawl up the stairs so I instantly pick her up and carry her through to dad and Theresa who are both in the living room talking. I tell them where I found her as I place her safely in her jumperoo as dad comments he might have to think about putting the safety gates back up soon. I am just turning back to head upstairs to the toilet finally when Iain calls me from the kitchen asking me to check if I think the burgers are fully cooked. I tell him about where I found Yasmin too and he apologies saying he’s been so busy trying to get dinner ready on time that he forgot she wasn’t in her jumperoo and he thought dad and Theresa were watching her.
Next thing I find myself sitting down eating dinner squirming on the chair thinking the second I have finished I will run upstairs and pee. Dad is the one to ruin that idea as he asks if anyone has heard from Aisling about how mam was when she visited. I look at Iain and he looks at me as we both go silent wondering what to say. Eventually Iain admits that Aisling called to say she was too sick to go and dad immediately looks worried and asks if Iain went instead. He says no as he had to be in for the boys getting home from school but doesn’t mention me going, thankfully. Dad isn’t happy and I know that as soon as he finds out I went to see mam he’ll be very cross. I daren’t say any more as I talk to the boys about school to lighten the atmosphere.
Iain clears the plates away and gets yoghurts out the fridge for pudding as he comments on the time. I hand Yasmin’s half eaten yoghurt to Theresa next to me to keep feeding the baby as I grab my anorak and have to rush right back out still having not managed to pee!
So by the time I get to the cinema I really really need to go but having Chelsea with me makes that so much more complicated. The foyer is busy and I am anxious to make sure we get seats in the screen for the film Chelsea chose. When I finally get to the front of the queue I order drinks and popcorn too while I am there and then suddenly realise it’s impossible for me to get to the ladies now with having to carry the drinks and push the chair!
I am anxious to make sure Chelsea’s wheelchair is secure in the row given how much her limbs move due to her conditions. I don’t even think about how Liam or I will get in as I’m so stressed about fixing the chair and the fact I need to find a toilet. Liam walks right around the full theatre to get into his seat as I carefully climb over Chelsea and sit down just as the adverts start and the lights dim.
Very quickly I realise what a mistake I have made as I find myself struggling to get comfortable on the fold down seat. I must be distracting Liam as he whispers if I am ok and I confess to him that I need to go to the loo. When he asks if I can wait I sigh looking at the full row of people in the row and reply that I don’t have much choice.
But as the movie continues the tingling just gets stronger and stronger and I find myself fidgeting and squirming constantly. I don’t think I’m going to manage to wait until the end of the film as I sit on my foot and wiggle trying to keep my bladder at bay. I check Chelsea and offer her a drink before nibbling at the popcorn and sipping my own drink. I cuddle into Liam’s arm as much as I can and cross my legs tightly. I try watching the film but my body is too full, too desperate, too much in need, to be able to relax.
Liam glances at me again in the dimmed lights and I whisper into his ear:
“I’m going to have to go. I can’t wait any longer!”
He places a hand on my knee and whispers back,
“That won’t be easy. You sure you can’t wait a bit longer?” |
Chapter 141
Megan
I didn’t have any choice about holding any longer even though I could understand why Liam suggested it. The embarrassment and inconvenience of struggling to get past 8 or 9 strangers in the row was very off putting but I seriously had no other choice. In the dimmed lights I did my best to squeeze past as quietly as possible trying my best not to spill any drinks or knock anything over on the floor. As soon as I was out the line I raced down the wide stairs as quickly as I could, grateful as always to have my trusty flat footwear on. I knew every single person in the packed auditorium would see me race across the bottom of the screen but by this point it was so urgent I was past caring. My heart was racing, my face pink, my body sweating and my urethra screaming at me intensely and threatening to burst any second. Squeezing actually stung a little just trying to keep everything inside just a minute longer.
Once under the tunnel leading to the public corridor I rammed a hand between my legs and hobbled as fast as I could hearing a young child behind me telling someone their ‘pee pee was about to come out’. I knew exactly how they felt as sweat beads formed all over my body as adrenaline alone carried me towards the ladies I needed so so badly. The only thing keeping me going was the faint encouragement of an adult voice behind me telling the child that she was almost there now and it would be ok. I clung onto those words like they alone could save me and keep my muscles tight as I tried to remove my hand from my scrunched up skirt as I walked through the double doors into the brightly lit public corridor, but doing so caused a sudden release that shocked me and made me clutch myself tightly once again.
Scanning the corridor like my very life was at stake I stood there frozen trying to look for any signposts or even signs of a toilet. As if they were an angel sent from God himself the adult behind me now reached me, a young girl beside them younger than Rory marching on the spot, as the tall male looked at me hopefully.
“The ladies are just around that corner. If I wait outside would you mind taking Layla here in to save me having to find the disabled one please?”
I look at the tall dark haired man then back to myself as I realise how I must look to him with one hand tightly between my constantly moving legs. I pause, just enough for another leak to escape, as the child dances around madly holding herself too.
“Daddy my pee pee won’t wait.”
I haven’t replied to the man’s request but regardless he kneels down to face his daughter and gently touches her as she continues jigging around.
“This kind lady will take you into the ladies because daddy isn’t allowed in unfortunately. I’ll be waiting right outside for you though. Ok?”
She nods as I follow them round the corner to the toilets and I push open the door while the child’s father remains outside. Just inside there’s a second door before we finally see the cubicles we both yearn for so badly. The child rushes to one, not even closing the door and I rush urgently into the one next door, my body at its absolute final point of holding back as I pull my skirt up and attempt to pull my pants down. Hearing a surprisingly loud pee from next door is the last straw as I try to get my knickers off while quietly moaning.
It’s just too late though as I explode ferociously through my underwear into the toilet as the child in the cubicle beside me sobs quietly. While my bladder erupts steadily I shout next door.
“Are you ok there?”
“I want my daddy.”
“He’s just outside sweetheart. You’ll see him in a minute.”
“Some of my pee pee was naughty.”
“That’s ok. Some of mine was too. I had to go really badly.”
“I did too.”
She didn’t say anything else as we could both hear my pee continuing to pour out loudly into the toilet long after she had finished. Finally my stream ended as I rubbed my exhausted bladder and slipped out of my soaking wet pants, suddenly very glad I didn’t wear tights. Looking around the small basic cubicle I wondered what to do with my underwear as I did the only thing I could think of:I pushed them into the sanitary bin, wiped myself dry then flushed and left the cubicle without any knickers on. As I opened the cubicle door I saw the young girls standing facing me, her flowery leggings clearly damp at the crotch and her face wet with tears.
I thought about my own younger siblings and my heart broke for that girl so I bent down and quietly asked her if she’d like me to dry her clothes off as best I could with the hand dryer. She nodded and I helped her step out her leggings as I covered her with my cardigan incase anyone walked in. Thankfully the leggings dried quickly under the warm hand dryer as the little girl tapped my arm and as I handed her back her dry leggings she quietly confessed her pants were damp too. I didn’t feel comfortable drying a strange child’s underwear so I helped her put her leggings back on and told her reassuringly that I was sure her pants would dry quickly.
I gave her toilet roll to wipe her eyes as we both washed our hands then returned to the main corridor where the child took her dad’s hand and skipped back to the theatre as I made my way back too.
I guessed Liam would want to know if I made it but a busy theatre of movie watchers wasn’t the right place to explain what had happened so I shushed him and planned to tell him privately when the time was right. It took so much longer to leave with having to get past everyone with the wheelchair in tow as I suddenly realised the time and tried to get Chelsea home before her parents got worried.
Even though the weather was warming the evenings were still chilly and damp and climbing into the driving seat of the van the cold seat startles me as I turn to face Liam before I start the engine.
“I wasn’t expecting the seat to be so cold. It’s even making my you know what shiver with not having any knickers on!”
His mouth drops and his eyes light up like saucers…
“What?”
“It’s not my fault Liam! You know I was bursting to go this afternoon when we were on the phone and Iain was in the bath? Well he didn’t get out before I had to leave so I had to pee in whatever I could find. I went in a cereal bowl but even that wasn’t enough and I hadn’t had a minute to go since! I had to go see mam in hospital because Aisling is still being sick, then had to get Chelsea from school, then when I got back home no-one was watching Yasmin and she was trying to climb the stairs, then I had to eat dinner super quick then get out to come here! I’d literally been bursting for hours and by the time I climbed out the row and found the toilets it was too late to get my pants down in time. They were so wet I just dumped them in the sanitary bin. Is that the time? God I better get Yasmin back to hers before the McGintley’s send out a search party!” |
Chapter 142
Liam
I stare at Megan in shock still as she starts the van and reverses out of the parking space. Right beside me is a young woman I utterly adore and fancy, who twice in one day has taken my breath away with her desperation, and who now somehow manages to top that exquisitely by announcing she wet her knickers so badly she had to dump them in a sanitary bin! Fucking hell, I’m in awe and blown away as I feel my penis practically exploding in my jeans. My mouth is dry despite all the juice I drank during the film and my entire body yearns for Megan in a way I can’t even describe. I have to touch her. I have to know I’m not dreaming.
I reach over and touch Megan’s hand lightly as she changes gear then I finally turn to face the front as I try to speak coherently.
“Oh my God Megan. I fucking adore you!”
She laughs as she moves her hand from under mine and returns it to the steering wheel.
“I didn’t know what else to do with them did I? I could hardly walk back into the theatre holding them in front of me like some sort of trophy now could I?”
“Oh fuck! That would have been worth seeing!”
Chelsea makes a noise behind as I suddenly remember she’s there and turn to see her.
“Don’t you go telling anyone our little secrets eh Courtney? I bet Megan’s nothing like who your parents think, what do you reckon? Sneaking me into the van yesterday to get you from school then sneaking me in again tonight to come with you to the cinema. And then on top of that driving your van knickerless! Is this how all your personal assistants act young lady?”
I hear the sweet chuckles of Megan in the front as Chelsea’s arms and legs move wildly and her noises tell me, even from my brief times with her, that she’s happy too. It’s not even been a week since I heard of my aunt suddenly dying and yet I too feel happy, almost guiltily so, as Megan interrupts the gaiety with her sensible reality.
“Right you two! What did I warn you Chelsea about stealing my boyfriend eh? I’m afraid Liam needs to go now. I’ll pull in at the Lidl car park and then turn into the estate from the other side. You promise us you won’t tell your mum and dad about Liam coming too Chelsea? I can’t afford to get the sack and I happen to really like you too. So this will be another of our little secret eh sweetie?”
And just like that Megan indicates to pull into the almost empty car park and I get out the van waving to my girlfriend as she drives away to drop Chelsea back home. The cold evening air catches me as I zip my coat up and start walking towards my flat as I remember to turn my mobile back on as I walk. The streets are quiet and dark as I quicken my step realising that now not only am I still very horny but that I also need to get home to my loo too, all the fizzy juice from the cinema finally catching up on me.
Climbing the steps to my front door I have this awesome memory of the previous Saturday when Megan sneaked out to mine in a taxi after midnight after I’d had a night out with my best mate Gareth. As I turn the key on my front door I vividly remember doing the exact same movement that day and turning to see .Megan holding her skirt up at her side, hunkered down and peeing freely on the very step I now stand on. I shudder at the reaction this memory has on my body as I press my swollen dick through my jeans and step into my small flat.
I look into the master bedroom as I pass thinking of the one night Megan stayed over and how the bed felt so much warmer and more comfortable with her body there beside mine. Now the same bed feels cold, lonely and way too big for one as I wish with all my heart that Megan was able to come back, not just tonight but permanently. I pass the door on the opposite side looking into the small spare room for the first time imagining it as perhaps a small nursery or little child’s room with a cot instead of the old futon, and child friendly curtains instead of the plain green ones there at present. I still have my hand clutching the end of my anatomy, both because I am still very turned on but also because I really do need to piss. I should turn and go to the toilet behind me but instead I suddenly think of little Yasmin and dreaming of her playing in the room that Flavius has been using. It’s just a dream but still I can picture it clearly as I head into the living room and stop at the coffee table facing me where just the other day Yasmin used it to pull herself to stand for the first time ever.
When I first arrived in Ireland the thought of finally living alone, having my independence, not being controlled anymore, thrilled me so much. Now the very flat that just weeks ago was a place of excitement, the start of a fresh chapter, a new beginning, just feels so lifeless, so lonely, so empty as I’ve grown accustomed to the lovely company of Megan, her little sister and the girl she cares for for a living.
I miss Megan. I miss Yasmin. I miss having family like Chelsea, Megan and even my boss Shaun all take for granted. I don’t even have my faithful aunt Ella any more as I desperately want to call her and see how she is.
With no-one else to even text I send Gareth a brief text suddenly realising I have yet to tell him the date and time of the funeral. With one hand holding my penis to prevent an accident and standing crossed legged in my own living room I text him all he needs to know.
“Hi, busy day here. Lots arranged and funeral for aunt Ella on Monday 20th April in Ebenezer Baptist church, Francis Street, Chester 11am. Hope you can come. Saw Megan again today too. Going back to work next week then hopefully getting ferry to Liverpool next weekend. Hope all is well with you mate. 👍”
I toss my phone onto the two seater couch and run to the bathroom, making it just in time and no more! |
Thank you for such a beautiful and incredible comment! It has really touched me.
in answer to your question I do think it is very much a quintessential British cultural thing to be hesitant and reluctant to ask to be excused for a bathroom. As a culture we tend to be extremely modest and shy about personal things like this and my research has found that more reserved families like Megan’s Catholic family even more so. Of course there will always be exceptions to this rule but by and large toilet needs are not spoken about and done discreetly and quietly.
thank you for reading and know that as a reader you are greatly appreciated!
Chapter 145
Megan
Rory’s Lego model is amazing and I ask if he’d like more Lego for his birthday in less than a week. He just shrugs then asks if both Callum and Oscar can come over on his birthday and I agree.
“Do I need to ask dad?”
I hesitate thinking of the door slamming a few minutes ago.
“I tell you what Rory, why don’t you stay up here and tidy up, though if you could both get your pyjamas on that would be great, and I’ll go talk to dad. If you pop downstairs when you’re ready I’ll make some toast for supper too. How does that sound?”
The boys both nod and I quietly head downstairs where I can hear dad banging loudly in the kitchen. I stand in the doorway hesitantly as dad pulls a full bag of rubbish roughly out the kitchen bin as the bag rips and rubbish goes everywhere.
“Let me help you dad.”
“Don’t you come anywhere near me Megan Murphy! Do you know how much trouble you have caused already today? Why do you always have to think you know better than the rest of us? I always gave you the benefit of the doubt with your mam but today I wonder why I ever bothered!”
He dumps the sprawling burst bag on the kitchen floor and angrily marches over to the notice board hammering it hard with his first.
“Can’t you read? You know full well that Shaun and I took forever to work this out! See this? Yes you can read can’t you? Does it have your name on it? No it does not! There’s a reason for that too as you know! Aye everyone will just say I’m excluding you, cutting you out or whatever, but it’s for a bloody good reason isn’t it! You, of all people, should have known what seeing you would do to mam! Are you that stupid? What on God’s name were you thinking of? Do you ever think about the consequences of your actions Meg? Do you?”
My eyes sting and my head is low as I look at my dad remorsefully. Mam seemed genuinely ok when I was there so I can’t for the life of me think what I have done. I swallow hard knowing there’s only one thing I can say but also acutely aware it probably won’t make any difference anyway.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s too late for that now Meg. It’s too late.”
I daren’t enter the kitchen though I itch to fix the bin bag that’s oozing rubbish all over the kitchen floor. I stare at it rather than looking at my own father who is now leaning on the back door as if he can’t take his own body weight. I whisper, calmly and gently, not even knowing if I truly want to know the answer.
“What happened dad?”
Dad sighs, the hotness of his face slowly fading, the back door holding him up as he collapses his weight into it more, almost falling.
“What was she like when you were there Meg? Did she talk?”
Still half whispering, my heart heavy, I reply, finally looking over at my broken father.
“She was sitting up in bed in a room of four. Not talking much but she wanted to hear about everyone. I just told her how everyone was really, that’s all. I only went because Aisling couldn’t and Iain was going with you tonight. I didn’t want her not having anyone. I honestly didn’t mean to cause trouble dad. Please believe me.”
“Well sadly it did. Apparently you’d no sooner left when your mam turned. She got out of bed, tipped over furniture, started screaming and becoming very violent and she had to be restrained and sedated. She was moved to her own room with bars on the windows, put back onto sedation again and is now in isolation for her own protection and that of the other patients. She barely even knew I was there. I was taken to an interview room with some phycologist or other and asked so many questions. You know I don’t agree with all that and I refused to talk about private family matters so now they are saying that until mam talks and opens up it’s not safe for her to be discharged. They had been starting to talk about community care too! I don’t know what you said to her Megan but are you sure you didn’t upset her? I miss her so much. I drove past St Mary’s on my way back as I was hoping to light a candle and pray for her but it was too late. The chapel gates were closed.”
I can’t resist tidying up the rubbish as I watch my own father crumble and cry. I re bag it all, sweep up then step towards my dad who has now broken down completely and I hold him as he rests his heavy body onto my smaller weaker one. I think he’d have stayed like that longer if it wasn’t for the boys walking in. Dad sees them before I do, raises his head and body and gathers himself together before walking towards the kettle, filling it with water and switching it on.
“You two been good while I was out then?” Dad musters as I hear the sadness still in his voice.
“I made a castle out of Lego dad. You want to see it? It’s got a working drawbridge and everything. We’re doing castles as a topic so I know all about them now.”
“That’s good son.”
“Dad, has Meg said about my birthday? She promised me I could have some friends round to play. I was thinking Callum and Oscar. Dad can I have a sleepover too? You know I haven’t had one of those but I went to Oscar’s one last year. Can I? Can I, please?”
Dad turns and looks at me, his face older and paler than I remember and his eyes sad and weary. Us Murphy children don’t get sleepovers, even I know that, dad always saying family life is sacred and secret and best left to immediate family only. It’s the first any of the younger boys have asked for one and I’m left to disappoint my younger brother just as my parents did to me at his age.
“Where would they sleep Rory? You wouldn’t get two camp beds or blow up beds in your room would you and it wouldn’t be fair to choose one friend over the other. I’ve got some fun surprises for you lined up so how about you have your friends over for a couple of hours on your birthday to play then we’ll have more fun on the Saturday. I’m going to see if I can change my day with Chelsea so I’m here the whole time. Anyway, sleepovers are boring…you miss all your time together because you are all sleeping don’t you? Do you think your friends can come 11-4 on Saturday?”
“What? Thursday AND Saturday? Oh Megan, thank you!”
I wink at dad hoping he found my tactfulness to his satisfaction but he doesn’t notice my secret message nor does he stay in the kitchen for supper, taking his coffee into the living room quietly without saying any more. Theresa comes in though helping herself to some toast and asking how long ago the kettle boiled. She shows us all some places to live in Belfast that she’s been looking at and Anthony comments on the prices.
“City prices are mad aren’t they Ant! Good job I’ll be making better money.”
“Will you still be here for my birthday?”
“Of course I will Rory! I won’t be around on the weekend though but I’ll be here Thursday. I’ve got your present already ordered too. I could get used to wish lists you know.”
I head upstairs with the boys after supper and read in bed before sleeping.
Saturday morning dad is up and away early saying he wants to go to Shaun’s first and then he’s going to mass before seeing mam. Theresa is working and I leave the boys to play while I look after Yasmin, tidy up, catch up on laundry and make plans for next weekend for Rory’s small party. I order him some things off Amazon that I can afford and make lists of things to pick up when I next go to the supermarket. Aisling and Harrison pop round to visit in the afternoon but they don’t stay long as Aisling looks exhausted. Thankfully she isn’t being sick anymore though and a small bump is starting to show at last. I take a photo and as I watch Harrison kissing my older sister I suddenly miss Liam dreadfully.
Families are wonderful but mine really affects my ability to see my boyfriend far too much.
Sorry that chapter posted so faint. Technical issues. Here it is again clearer
Chapter 145
Megan
Rory’s Lego model is amazing and I ask if he’d like more Lego for his birthday in less than a week. He just shrugs then asks if both Callum and Oscar can come over on his birthday and I agree.
“Do I need to ask dad?”
I hesitate thinking of the door slamming a few minutes ago.
“I tell you what Rory, why don’t you stay up here and tidy up, though if you could both get your pyjamas on that would be great, and I’ll go talk to dad. If you pop downstairs when you’re ready I’ll make some toast for supper too. How does that sound?”
The boys both nod and I quietly head downstairs where I can hear dad banging loudly in the kitchen. I stand in the doorway hesitantly as dad pulls a full bag of rubbish roughly out the kitchen bin as the bag rips and rubbish goes everywhere.
“Let me help you dad.”
“Don’t you come anywhere near me Megan Murphy! Do you know how much trouble you have caused already today? Why do you always have to think you know better than the rest of us? I always gave you the benefit of the doubt with your mam but today I wonder why I ever bothered!”
He dumps the sprawling burst bag on the kitchen floor and angrily marches over to the notice board hammering it hard with his first.
“Can’t you read? You know full well that Shaun and I took forever to work this out! See this? Yes you can read can’t you? Does it have your name on it? No it does not! There’s a reason for that too as you know! Aye everyone will just say I’m excluding you, cutting you out or whatever, but it’s for a bloody good reason isn’t it! You, of all people, should have known what seeing you would do to mam! Are you that stupid? What on God’s name were you thinking of? Do you ever think about the consequences of your actions Meg? Do you?”
My eyes sting and my head is low as I look at my dad remorsefully. Mam seemed genuinely ok when I was there so I can’t for the life of me think what I have done. I swallow hard knowing there’s only one thing I can say but also acutely aware it probably won’t make any difference anyway.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s too late for that now Meg. It’s too late.”
I daren’t enter the kitchen though I itch to fix the bin bag that’s oozing rubbish all over the kitchen floor. I stare at it rather than looking at my own father who is now leaning on the back door as if he can’t take his own body weight. I whisper, calmly and gently, not even knowing if I truly want to know the answer.
“What happened dad?”
Dad sighs, the hotness of his face slowly fading, the back door holding him up as he collapses his weight into it more, almost falling.
“What was she like when you were there Meg? Did she talk?”
Still half whispering, my heart heavy, I reply, finally looking over at my broken father.
“She was sitting up in bed in a room of four. Not talking much but she wanted to hear about everyone. I just told her how everyone was really, that’s all. I only went because Aisling couldn’t and Iain was going with you tonight. I didn’t want her not having anyone. I honestly didn’t mean to cause trouble dad. Please believe me.”
“Well sadly it did. Apparently you’d no sooner left when your mam turned. She got out of bed, tipped over furniture, started screaming and becoming very violent and she had to be restrained and sedated. She was moved to her own room with bars on the windows, put back onto sedation again and is now in isolation for her own protection and that of the other patients. She barely even knew I was there. I was taken to an interview room with some phycologist or other and asked so many questions. You know I don’t agree with all that and I refused to talk about private family matters so now they are saying that until mam talks and opens up it’s not safe for her to be discharged. They had been starting to talk about community care too! I don’t know what you said to her Megan but are you sure you didn’t upset her? I miss her so much. I drove past St Mary’s on my way back as I was hoping to light a candle and pray for her but it was too late. The chapel gates were closed.”
I can’t resist tidying up the rubbish as I watch my own father crumble and cry. I re bag it all, sweep up then step towards my dad who has now broken down completely and I hold him as he rests his heavy body onto my smaller weaker one. I think he’d have stayed like that longer if it wasn’t for the boys walking in. Dad sees them before I do, raises his head and body and gathers himself together before walking towards the kettle, filling it with water and switching it on.
“You two been good while I was out then?” Dad musters as I hear the sadness still in his voice.
“I made a castle out of Lego dad. You want to see it? It’s got a working drawbridge and everything. We’re doing castles as a topic so I know all about them now.”
“That’s good son.”
“Dad, has Meg said about my birthday? She promised me I could have some friends round to play. I was thinking Callum and Oscar. Dad can I have a sleepover too? You know I haven’t had one of those but I went to Oscar’s one last year. Can I? Can I, please?”
Dad turns and looks at me, his face older and paler than I remember and his eyes sad and weary. Us Murphy children don’t get sleepovers, even I know that, dad always saying family life is sacred and secret and best left to immediate family only. It’s the first any of the younger boys have asked for one and I’m left to disappoint my younger brother just as my parents did to me at his age.
“Where would they sleep Rory? You wouldn’t get two camp beds or blow up beds in your room would you and it wouldn’t be fair to choose one friend over the other. I’ve got some fun surprises for you lined up so how about you have your friends over for a couple of hours on your birthday to play then we’ll have more fun on the Saturday. I’m going to see if I can change my day with Chelsea so I’m here the whole time. Anyway, sleepovers are boring…you miss all your time together because you are all sleeping don’t you? Do you think your friends can come 11-4 on Saturday?”
“What? Thursday AND Saturday? Oh Megan, thank you!”
I wink at dad hoping he found my tactfulness to his satisfaction but he doesn’t notice my secret message nor does he stay in the kitchen for supper, taking his coffee into the living room quietly without saying any more. Theresa comes in though helping herself to some toast and asking how long ago the kettle boiled. She shows us all some places to live in Belfast that she’s been looking at and Anthony comments on the prices.
“City prices are mad aren’t they Ant! Good job I’ll be making better money.”
“Will you still be here for my birthday?”
“Of course I will Rory! I won’t be around on the weekend though but I’ll be here Thursday. I’ve got your present already ordered too. I could get used to wish lists you know.”
I head upstairs with the boys after supper and read in bed before sleeping.
Saturday morning dad is up and away early saying he wants to go to Shaun’s first and then he’s going to mass before seeing mam. Theresa is working and I leave the boys to play while I look after Yasmin, tidy up, catch up on laundry and make plans for next weekend for Rory’s small party. I order him some things off Amazon that I can afford and make lists of things to pick up when I next go to the supermarket. Aisling and Harrison pop round to visit in the afternoon but they don’t stay long as Aisling looks exhausted. Thankfully she isn’t being sick anymore though and a small bump is starting to show at last. I take a photo and as I watch Harrison kissing my older sister I suddenly miss Liam dreadfully.
Families are wonderful but mine really affects my ability to see my boyfriend far too much. |
Chapter 146
Liam
I wake up Sunday morning long before dawn staring at the ceiling aimlessly. The bed feels far too big and cold lying alone and even though I risk waking her I text Megan to say I wish she was with me. Surprisingly she replies, despite the early hour, as she suggests I come to chapel so she can see me. I look through photos on my phone and come across one of aunt Ella and immediately I know that she’d want me to do exactly as Megan suggested. I don’t understand any of the denominational differences or technical or theological debates between my aunt’s old Baptist church in England and Megan’s chapel in Ireland but I just know that something happened when I was there last week alone in St. Mary’s and it feels right to go back again.
I try sleeping a bit longer, unsuccessfully, so I get up and make myself a coffee. Checking my emails there’s once again a few death related ones I need to delete, though one does catch my eye: black clothes. Oh shit! How could I have not thought about that? I look through the slim pickings of my current clothing and nothing seems even vaguely appropriate to wear as chief mourner to a funeral. I text Megan panicking and she texts back soon after saying she’ll pop into the heart foundation charity shop on Monday and see if they have anything but she also suggests something that hadn’t even occurred to me: won’t there be some of my clothes still at my aunt’s house? I have a second coffee while I scroll through photos on my phone to jog my memory of clothes of mine I should still have back in Chester. I can’t quite believe that I haven’t deleted all the pics taken with Lauren as her image now does nothing for me other than turn my stomach. How could I not truly see her for who she really was before? I delete each and every one that I come across with her seeing trousers, shirts, jumpers, hoodies, t-shirts, trainers and coats that I remember fondly, but no suit…that is until I see an older photo with Gareth. It’s dated a few years ago now but I’m wearing what looks like a black suit and white shirt though the tie looks more blue than black. I’m struggling to remember where the photo was taken as I wonder if the suit still happens to be hanging in my wardrobe at my aunt’s or wether my aunt threw it away on her recent clear out.
I check the time and realise I had better start heading to St. Mary’s. It’s a beautiful sunny morning in April, the sort my aunt always loved, as I walk the mile and a half to the chapel. It’s strange how Bangor has become so familiar to me so quickly when I lived in Chester over 30 years and there’s still so much of it I’ve never seen. By the time I reach the huge gates the car park is already three quarters full and throngs of well dressed people are walking into the old building. I feel so underdressed in my charity shop shirt and smart trousers surrounded by older woman in hats and expensive dresses and men in suits and ties. Once again I sit at the back as I look to the row I remember from before where the Murphy family sat. There’s a youngish couple already there though I am pretty sure it’s not Shaun and his wife. I wonder if it’s Megan’s pregnant sister she told me about, but of course I can’t tell just from the back of her head and shoulders. There’s hushed conversations going on and tapping of feet on a hard carpet as more people fill pews and shake hands quietly with others.
Unlike the previous time here I don’t feel as ashamed or scared to be seen as I take longer to gaze at the beautiful stained glass windows, the incredible architecture and the carved lectern. Even the music somehow doesn’t feel so dusty or hollow as before as the tune feels that familiar I find myself humming along in my head. It’s only when another person sitting praying along the row from me starts quietly singing along that I suddenly recognise the song; Amazing Grace. Incredibly I find myself singing quietly myself, the words ingrained in me from years of living with my aunt. When Andrew Watt had asked about my aunt’s favourite hymns just days ago I couldn’t think of any at all and yet here I am knowing instantly that this one has to be sung at her funeral.
Despite hearing it so many times in my late teens and adult life I have never really thought much about the words. It was just a song my aunt treasured, a hymn from church she knew by memory. I stop my own singing to now listen to the stranger who is now standing singing proudly as more chapel goers come in and take their seats and the chattering subsides.
“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see. ‘‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved….”
My eyes fill with salty liquid as just at the line of ‘fears being relieved’ I see Megan walk into chapel, her beautiful baby sister in her arms, followed by her younger brothers, an older girl that I assume is her older sister and an even older man who I presume is her father. They file into the row beside the couple I saw earlier as the song continues as more of the congregation sing along, the harmony of the voices like an angelic choir. Maybe this was part of the appeal of church to aunt Ella? Maybe the beauty of everyone singing together, praying together, hearing the same words, brought her a sense of community, of belonging, that I’ve never had? I wish I could ask her. I wish for the first time that I’d went to her church with her.
I copy the others as best as possible as prayers are repeated by memory, rituals performed, and another hymn sung. Unlike the last service I attended here though something different happens this time and the man in the robes calls forward a choir who sing a beautiful song that seems to somehow touch my heart in a way I can’t describe. As they return to their seats I smile when I hear a cute baby noise and I wonder if it’s little Yasmin with her sister. Then the man dressed in robes, but who otherwise looks and sounds like he could be someone you work with or live next door to, stands up at a lectern and begins talking. I feel drawn to him, full of emotion, and somehow eager to hear what he feels this very eclectic bunch of people in Bangor need to hear.
In the silence of the old chapel his words piece my heart like nothing has ever done so before. It’s like he’s looking into my very soul, reading my very thoughts, hearing my greatest fears. ‘Forgiveness: it’s importance to God and us.’ Not something I would ever read about or think about normally but the everyday language, the expressions he uses, the compassion he talks with, draws me and holds me. I find myself nodding as he talks about how we all do wrong, how we all sin and how vital forgiveness is. The silence only services to connect me with this robed man more directly as he illustrates his points with Bible stories I am unfamiliar with but now inexplicably long to read. His words seem so pertinent and timely and I can’t take my eyes off him as he ends his talk turning to the figure hanging on the cross behind him as he tearfully shares what God’s forgiveness means to him personally and how Jesus’s very last words were apparently ‘father forgive them’. I never knew that as images of Lauren Bennet, her parents, my former work colleagues, my mum, and finally my beloved aunt Ella flood my mind as the robed man encourages his followers to forgive those who have trespassed against them. I’m not 100% sure what the trespassed part means but if it means abused, betrayed, abandoned or hurt then everyone I’ve been thinking of, except my aunt, deserve to be in my mind right now.
I bow my head and repeat some prayer with everyone else, struggling to raise my head again afterwards as my heart struggles to process everything I’ve just heard. The choir are called back up as the tears roll freely down my face untouched and unhindered as the words of their perfect singing float around me like comfort blankets.
“Be not afraid. I go before you always. Come follow me and I will give you rest.”
The choir sit down but my mind replays the lyrics on repeat as a final prayer is repeated and some type of ritual performed as the service appears to be finished. I rest my head on the pew in front unable to move, deeply affected by what I have just experienced, tired and still trying to process it all. I hear murmurs in the background, feel moving, and get a welcome breeze on the back of my neck from an open door as I assume the room is slowly emptying all around me. The irony that last week I couldn’t face staying for the service but now this week I can’t face leaving isn’t lost on me as I try my utmost to lift my head and body to stand. My legs refuse to take my weight, though I do finally manage to sit upright, feeling my cheeks hot and wet and my eyes all blotchy. My vision is blurry but it appears the church is now quiet and emptier as I feel a warm body beside me and an arm over my shoulder.
“You made it Liam. Are you ok?”
I notice a man standing near Megan though I don’t know who.
“Is he a friend of yours Miss Murphy?”
“Yes Father. This is Liam, a very good friend of mine. I invited him along this morning. I think he’s found it quite overwhelming though Father.”
She reaches and holds my hand, her warmth and familiarity bringing me deep comfort. Her voice is quiet, caring and kind as she continues on.
“He’s going through a very difficult time just now Father. His aunt, who was more like a mam to him, died suddenly just a week ago. He does have a job but he’s not long started it and he’s been relying on the food bank to live for the last few weeks. He’s had to arrange his aunt’s funeral from here in Bangor as he can’t afford to get back to England. Even just this morning he messaged me in a panic because he doesn’t even have a suit or tie to wear and he’s not even got the money to get to England to get to the funeral. I can’t leave him here alone Father.”
“No my dear, that you can’t. Though your family need you too you know. I’ll sit with your friend here for a bit and pray with him. It sounds like your family are waiting for you outside. Don’t worry Miss Murphy, I will make sure Liam is ok.” |
Chapter 147
Megan
Unusually for me I wake super early on Sunday morning so I nip to the bathroom, go downstairs for a drink and then I plan to use the silence of the house to pray, something I haven’t been doing enough of lately. I dig out my Bible and rosary beads and place my tea on the kitchen table when I jump in shock hearing my phone in the living room buzz with a text. So few people have my number so I know instantly that it will be Liam. I text back wishing I too was with him and suddenly having an idea as I glance at my Bible. I can’t see him this morning as I need to go to chapel with my family as I do every Sunday but maybe he could come too? Sure it’s not a date or anything, and we definitely wouldn’t be alone, but he’d feel less alone and we could at least see each other. Incredibly he agrees and I return to my prayers and reading.
I get over an hour alone before anyone else comes down. I know mam often made a warm breakfast before Chapel but it’s looking like a glorious spring morning and I’m not sure we have everything necessary for a fry up anyway so I look in the cupboards and fridge and decide to make pancakes instead. I shout upstairs to let everyone know, which unsurprisingly brings the boys down pronto. I hear Yasmin so ask Anthony if he’d mind bringing her down and he does so happily. Breakfast is a huge hit but then there’s the usual battle as we scramble to all use the only bathroom to use the toilet, wash, shower and brush teeth.
Amazingly we are all ready on time as we walk together to church, dad pushing his youngest child in the buggy for a change. On the walk dad tells us how Father Reilly offered to put mam’s name on the bulletin for prayer so to expect the usual questions from people but just to say she’s doing ok and hopefully coming home soon. We all know the deal anyway but dad stills feels it necessary to say it still regardless.. Theresa and myself nod and dad makes the younger boys verbally agree before we arrive at the familiar old chapel that’s such an integral part of our family ways. We hear the organ playing Amazing Grace as we climb the front stairs, dad using the ramp with the buggy, and walk into the sanctuary, me now carrying the youngest Murphy, Yasmin.
It’s busy, meaning I get very little chance to look for Liam as we file into our usual row beside Aisling and Harrison. Unusually Lilly and Shaun arrive after us and they file in at the end beside dad. As a veteran Catholic, and from a family whose lives revolve around St.Mary’s chapel, hearing Amazing Grace being played is like singing the national anthem before a big sports match; it sort of starts to lose its meaning due to over familiarity. Still Rory hums along beside me making me smile regardless. Repeating the prayers and singing the hymns makes me feel incredibly guilty about not being so regular lately in confession and mid week mass. I glance over at the confessional booths and bite my lip. I would have to sit in there for hours if I were to confess all the trespasses of recent days. I cross myself on cue and sit back down again with Yasmin on my knee as the choir sings.
Father Reilly’s message is incredible, his words digging deep into my heart and challenging me massively. There’s so much forgiveness I need from people and so many I too need to forgive, including myself. I stare at the huge crucifixion on the wall thinking of how Jesus died for all my wrong doings, feeling very grateful and relieved. I’m so engrossed in the sermon that I forget all about the fact that I invited Liam as I devour Father Reilly’s words deep into my soul whilst keeping Yasmin as quiet as possible. She’s the only baby currently staying in the service with all the other parents releasing theirs into the crèche. Mam and dad happily put us all there until we started school but neither mam or dad can bear leaving Yasmin, presumably because they once again don’t want any comments on how different she is or how behind the other babies her development is.
The final song from the choir is so touching and such a beautiful end to an incredible service. It’s been a while since the choir were a regular feature, having been a member for quite a while in my teens myself. Even Yasmin seems to love them, trying to clap along even though it’s a more worshipful song than a fast upbeat one. The service ends and a slow exit begins. As dad predicted a few older ladies clamber towards us with bulletins in their hands asking after mam. Dad parrots off the usual stuff, giving away nothing at all but somehow sounding grateful for their prayers too. Mrs Clements pats the younger boys on the shoulder saying she’s praying for their mam and us all. I’m desperate to ask her to check the charity shop stock for a black man’s suit that might fit Liam, a white 16 inch collar shirt and a black tie, if there’s any, after promising Liam by text earlier, but she moves away before I get a chance.
Then just as I finally get to the last pew with Yasmin in my arms to leave I look over and see Liam, his head up but eyes puffy and red and his cheeks wet with tears. I call Anthony back and hand him Yasmin asking him to tell dad I won’t be long. I don’t even check to see if anyone else is still in the chapel as I instinctively sit down beside the man who already has my heart and put my arm around him. It seems silly but I ask him anyway if he’s ok, though of course it’s obvious he isn’t really. He doesn’t answer me, though he does turn and look at me, his moist eyes shining in a way I can’t quite pinpoint at first. There’s a new light in them, a peace about him, a beauty that goes well beyond my natural attraction to him but which draws me in tightly. I’m so proud of him, so delighted to see him, so overwhelmed with compassion for him as I hear Father Reilly’s voice beside me.
I don’t think Liam is in any state to answer properly so I hope he doesn’t mind me summarising the last week or two of his life for my priest to explain his upset and inability to speak right now. I really don’t want to leave Liam, not now, not ever really, but I can hear Yasmin outside fussing and dad’s voice asking what’s delaying me so when Father Reilly says he’ll stay with Liam I feel I have no choice but to go.
I have trusted Father Reilly with so many of my most personal confessions over the years and I know I can trust him with Liam now too. I just wish, once again, that I didn’t have to choose between my family and the man I love. |
Chapter 148
Liam
Letting go of Megan’s hand at the end of the service is one of the hardest things I have had to do. I want to ask her so much about what I’ve just heard being talked about this morning, I want to tell her how much it all means to me, I want to feel her beside me.
As if reading my thoughts the priest sits down beside me taking my hands in his large male ones as he asks quietly if it’s ok to pray for me. I nod as I listen to him praying easily and conversationally as if talking to someone right beside him. He prays for several minutes as I sit quietly listening, every second feeling stronger and more able to stand up. I’m then asked if I want to pray but I’m not ready for that yet. After saying Amen the priest shakes my hand strongly introducing himself formally as Father Reilly as he says quietly,
“This isn’t your first visit is it Liam?”
I swallow hard and try to speak. The words get stuck in my dry throat though making me cough so I resort to just shaking my head.
“I am so very sorry to hear about your recent bereavement. Grief is such a powerful emotion and a very hard cross to bear. So many of my families here at St.Mary’s understand that pain so well.”
He slides a hand inside his long robe and pulls out a small book.
“Do you mind if I read you a small passage from the Bible Liam?”
I don’t even try to speak this time as I look in wonder at the small black well worn book in his hands. He reads me a passage from somewhere in the middle, something about Sam and the number 23, or something like that, about a shepherd, green pastures and a table with enemies. It doesn’t make too much sense to me but it still sounds beautiful from the Irish voice of the gentle priest. I can’t take my eyes of his Bible though as it’s pages remind me so much of my dear precious aunt. Father Reilly must notice as he smiles and beckons me to follow him as we walk out the main church and through the side of the graveyard towards a smaller building built in the sane old stone and brick as the church. He unlocks the old door and guides me in to a small foyer with a table with some beads on a string and a lamp on. He steps through to a cosy living room with a real log fire as a central feature, two sofas, a coffee table, a rug and huge bookshelf’s all along one side. I stand watching as the robed figure steps toward the bookshelf and removes a book handing it to me.
“A gift to you from St. Mary’s young man. All I ask is that you look after it well. Would you like a drink at all?”
I nod trying to take in what appears to be the priest’s home. He leads me down a small hallway to a traditional older style kitchen with an aga cast iron cooker that Lauren would have given her right arm for. I accept a tea as the priest hangs his robes up carefully on a door hook at the other end of the kitchen.
“I only wear those for mass. Kind of a formality really. I try and think of it more like my holy uniform, my chapel clothes if you like. I suppose it’s like my Sunday suit really.”
I lower my head. He’s just mentioned the very thing that was heavy on my mind earlier this morning: my lack of suit for my aunt’s funeral. I sip at my hot tea feeling I don’t belong where I am, I’m out my depth and increasingly starting to need a piss too. Not like I can exactly sit in a priest’s kitchen right after chapel and say, ‘hey mate. Nice service and all that and I appreciate the tea and the holy book and what not but what I really need in life right now ain’t your Jesus or your prayers or your saints but just a few minutes in your bog so I can piss!’ It’s just too…inappropriate really. I stare into my mug holding it with both hands nervously.
“So talking about suits young fellow. Our friend Miss Murphy said you’re going through a really tough time, using the local food bank and worried about money and clothes. Well, if you will let me that is, I might be able to help you. God teaches us about giving in his Word, about helping others, about charity. Here at St. Mary’s we run a number of initiatives to reach the community. We really care about Bangor and God asks us to be his representatives here on earth. Once we’re finished out tea I would like to take you into out store room, our ‘heart room’ as we name it in our parish. Of course it’s closed to the public today, and more recently we’ve been reaching the needy by referrals similar to the food bank. We work very closely with them too. So many think we’re just an old building with bells and wooden pews but there’s much more to St. Mary’s than that. I won’t keep you much longer but we don’t like people to leave in need. We looked into getting our own charity shop at one point but getting steady volunteers every day combined with an ageing congregation meant we felt we could serve much better this way.”
As the priest talks we both carry on drinking our teas until our mugs are empty and my bladder is full. There’s no obvious toilet around and I feel very awkward asking so I simply follow the priest back through the living area and outside towards an old outbuilding. Inside is like an Aladdin’s cave with clothing folded neatly in boxes marked with ages and sizes and more boxes with everything from toasters to hot water bottles to cleaning things.
“This place is like my baby really. When I came here this was empty but with the generosity of my parishioners and the community we have reached this point. Now what size waist and leg length are you? I reckon a 30 inside leg and what? A 36 waist maybe?”
I nod in amazement as the smartly dressed older man in his late forties or early fifties looks out a smart pair of trousers my exact size with a matching suit jacket, a brand new white shirt still in its wrapping and then he switches the light off, locks the outhouse and returns to the house. I step into the foyer again with the beads on the table as the priest instructs me to wait. I move from food to foot looking around anxiously hoping the man returns very soon so I can get home to piss. I have no idea where he went and it feels rude to wander looking for a bathroom when he finally returns looking slightly flustered himself.
“Black tie. Obviously in this job one has plenty but I knew I had a new one at the back of the wardrobe. I also lifted this. Please take this with our blessing.”
I am handed a strong brown cardboard bag with St. Mary’s chapel printed on it with a drawing of the church. I assume the priest has put the suit and shirt and tie in it as I take it presuming the bag is what he is referring to about taking with his blessing. I’m tired, hungry and really needing to piss after far too much coffee and tea as I shake his hand, thank him and turn to leave.
“She’s a wonderful girl our Megan Murphy you know. Such a heart of gold and very loyal.”
I turn and smile at him, finally finding my voice.
“Amazing girl. And so beautiful too.”
“I hope to see you back at St. Mary’s soon. Our door is always open.”
“Thank you.”
I walk as casually as I can as I make my way out the chapel grounds and walk up the same road I once walked with Megan a few weeks ago, ironically when I also really had to pee too. If only the cafe she took me to was open this afternoon. Alas Sundays in Bangor mean most places are closed as I start running quickly trying to make it home before I accidentally wet the only clean jeans I have today, the very ones I also need for work tomorrow too. |
Chapter 149
Megan
Walking home in the lunchtime sun dad is quiet again. Theresa comments that it was a lovely service and Anthony nods in agreement. I just can’t stop thinking about Liam and if he’s ok. Back in the house I suggest the boys play in the garden for a bit while I make lunch. Surprisingly dad offers to help as Theresa goes upstairs for a bit. I automatically go to put Yasmin in her high chair when dad opens his arms to take her. I hand him his daughter then butter some bread to make sandwiches.
“I thought I’d make dinner later when you come back from seeing mam this afternoon? That ok?”
Dad watches me, at first saying nothing and just nodding his head. I offer him a coffee while I finish making the sandwiches and put a plate of crisps on the table and another plate of chocolate biscuits. Dad carefully sips his drink whilst ensuring his baby daughter’s hands stay out of reach as he hands her a rich tea biscuit to snack on. I can see the boys kicking a ball to each other on the slabbed back garden as they make the most of the spring sunshine. It hardly seems any time since they were splashing in a paddling pool or hunting for Easter Eggs or playing in the now broken little plastic toy house. I’m just slicing the sandwiches when dad speaks.
“Meg, listen, about yesterday….I’m really sorry for what I said to you. I was upset and angry and stressed but that doesn’t give me any right to take that out on you. Will you forgive me?”
I drop the knife onto the table, stepping towards my dad and putting my arm around his neck as he kisses my arm affectionately.
“Of course I will dad. That’s what family does. And I should have asked before assuming it was ok to visit mam. You know, I honestly didn’t intend for what happened. I still don’t know what I did to upset her, and that’s the truth.”
Yasmin puts her hand on her dad’s face sticking her little fingers into his mouth just like I recall seeing her do earlier in the week with Liam one day. Dad gently puts her fingers out as he whispers as if not wanting Yasmin to hear.
“One of the nurses mentioned she was screaming the name you know who…” he nods towards Yasmin on his knee. “Did you say anything to mam about her?”
“Yeah. I told her that she was doing great and how she’d began to even pull herself up to stand in the last few days and been crawling around after a ball with her brothers.”
“Oh.”
“Was I not meant to say that?”
“No love. You weren’t to know. Your mam always felt like she’d failed you, what with getting so ill when you were born and that. The older kids did so much for you when you were a baby, and your man’s sister Beatrice helped loads too. Everyone thought they were helping see. But when your mam was ill that’s not how she saw it. She saw it that she was such a failure that everyone could raise you better than she could. So when the boys came along your aunt Beatrice moved away feeling quite put out that after all her help with you and your older siblings that your mam wanted no help at all with the boys. I think losing a baby before Anthony made her want to prove to herself she was a good mam even more. But we didn’t plan on a 9th baby. Rory was meant to be the end. 4 of each you see. Your mam is older now and this one here…well what do we do? She needs so much more time, so much more care and it’s a commitment that I think is just too much for your mam. She’s known since Yasmin was born that we might have to do something. We spoke to Father Reilly when she was just two months old. He told us she was a gift from God and not to rush into anything. He did make enquiries but your mam just didn’t know what to do. I might be wrong, but I think hearing that she’s making progress, doing stuff other babies do and that, it’s making it so much harder to let go. Shaun and myself could see this you see so we told the others to talk to mam about anything but just don’t mention you know who.. I knew you wouldn’t agree with that because you adore this one so much, and rightly so. So do I , but I pulled back from her and haven’t been the dad she really needs because…because I know if your mam decides it’s all too much I will not be able to let go. I love your mam so much Megan. I need her here where she belongs.”
I step back from my dad as he wipes a tear from his eye as Yasmin starts getting restless with hunger and tiredness. I take her from her dad and strap her in her high chair with a sandwich and some soft cheesy crisps and her bottle of milk. I don’t know what else to say to my dad as I hug him as he stays seated, whisper sorry to him, kiss his cheek, then open the back door to call the boys in for lunch. Theresa must hear me call as she joins us at the table for lunch. I still can’t stop thinking of Liam as Anthony looks right in front of him to the rota on the noticeboard with the visiting schedule.
“Dad, could I maybe come with you to see mam today. I really miss her.”
Dad looks at Theresa who shrugs just like she did the previous time he asked, but this time I nod and reply when dad looks at me.
“I think he’s old enough and mature enough. I think mam would love to see him don’t you dad?”
Dad smiles.
“She wasn’t very good yesterday Ant. Had a bad day. We all have them, don’t we? Hopefully she’s brighter today though. She might be sleeping mind but as long as you behave then I don’t see why not.”
I smile at my dad delighted at his response. Mam did an amazing job raising our Anthony. For just 12 he’s growing into a mature and handsome young man quickly and I’m sure mam will be thrilled to see his smiling face and hear his voice, even if she’s still sedated.
“Can I play with your meccano while you’re out Ant? Please?”
“Sure.” He winks at his younger brother.
“You know you might get some of your own for your birthday in a few days.”
“Oh that would be brilliant! We could both make go carts and see which one is best! Can I go upstairs now please dad? I want to make a start.”
“Of course. Don’t lose any pieces mind ok?”
“Ok dad!” |
Chapter 150
Liam
My legs and heart are in competition with each other as I wonder what’s actually racing faster as I swing the paper bag of goods in my arm, sprinting manically towards my flat and a toilet at last. The sweat is pouring out of me as the sun shines brightly and the warmth of a fresh spring day beats down on me. I have to make it. I have to.
Holding my breath, as if it somehow helps, I charge down Victoria street focussed on nothing but my own front door. Adrenaline pumping through my muscles and carrying me along, my head spinning, my teeth clenched, as every single second matters greatly. Climbing my own front stairs I splutter and pant as I shake my left leg frantically while I dig in my right side pocket for my key. I press against my penis with my fingers as I pull it out muttering to myself in desperation as I put the key in the lock and turn it.
“Gotta piss! Gotta piss! Come on Liam, you can make it!”
I let the door close itself with no time to check if it even closed fully as my steps quicken as I drop the bag from the priest in the hall and almost fall into the bathroom. I pull at the button on my jeans, almost ripping them, as I then hurriedly unzip and try to get my dick out before I explode. I fumble with the small intricate fiddly buttons on my underwear, almost crying because I have to pee so much. Unable to stand still I give up as a tiny leak appears on the material and I gasp as I urgently pull my penis out the leg hole, aim haphazardly towards the toilet, and let go.
The feeling of release is incredible, like floating in air, as the weight of the world lifts off my shoulders and I feel suddenly free and calm.
“Wow! Finally!”
I allow my body all the time it needs to free itself from the tension caused by my overfull bladder. It comes in waves of fast outpouring, then shorter quicker spurts, then a longer continuous flow again as every organ in my body breathes a sigh of relief that I made it on time. It feel good, incredibly good, as the last of my urine dribbles out as I shake and wipe.
That feels so much better. I actually made it!
After washing my hands I return to close the front door properly then pick up the bag I dropped and take it into the kitchen and place it on the table. I make myself some simple tinned tomatoes on toast with a cup of coffee then move into the living room to explore the bag more. At the very top is a black suit jacket which I slide my arms in then pull it onto my shoulders and fasten the buttons. It feels good, perfect even, almost like it was made for me. I slide it back off as my eyes catch the label: Dolce and Gabbana! Wow! Even Lauren Bennet would approve for once! Admiring the jacket a bit more I hang it neatly over the back of the armchair while I take out the next item; a brand new still in its packet white shirt. I open it carefully, not recognising the logo this time at all, as I take the pins and packaging all off and remove my own shirt to try it on. It’s crisp and firm feeling, but once again fits perfectly and sits well on my shoulders and neck. I pull the jacket back on feeling like a whole new man, though my jeans ruin the style rather a lot!
I undo and step out my jeans as I nervously pull out the next piece of clothing the priest gave me: a pair of black trousers. I step into them carefully and pull them up, finding them neat at my ankles but just right at the waist. I slide my feet into my old trainers and see that the ankles are fine with footwear on as I feel myself getting a little emotional again as I fish out the black tie and fasten it neatly, taking me right back to my years at high school in an instant. I long to see myself properly, the way others would, as I try and think wether I have a big enough mirror. I then have an idea.
Propping my phone up on the windowsill I put it onto video and then timer and video myself from different angles to see how I look. Watching it back I gasp at how smart and professional I look and at the miracle of finally having something perfectly fitting to wear to honour my wonderful aunt. I slowly remove the clothes, being carefully to keep all three items neat and clean, as I excitedly send Megan a message via Facebook to show her. It’s the first either of us have contacted each other since chapel and I’m desperate to tell her all about the priest’s house, the ‘heart room’ full of amazing things and the generosity of Father Reilly.
It’s only as I refold the clothing to return it to the bag to carry to my room that I notice an envelope in the bottom of the bag under the little Bible the priest gave me too. Thinking it might just be a card with the chapel details on or something I open it to see. At first it seems I was right as a card with a black and white picture of St. Mary’s chapel, Bangor faces me as I let my thumb touch the very place at the side of the building where not only did Megan find me once after a panic attack but I also saw her the day of her brother’s first communion when she was pacing up and down with her sister in the buggy whilst obviously bursting to pee. The card feels bulky as I open it and stare at what’s inside.
Shocked, amazed and in awe I phone Megan and catch her just as she’s walking to work.
“I have to tell you something Megan. It’s amazing. I still can’t believe it. After chapel Father Reilly took me into his house. He gave me a Bible. Then he took me to that outhouse place he calls the heart room. He somehow miraculously knew my clothes size and..well you saw the pictures I sent of the clothes he gave me. I’m almost crying I’m so taken aback Meg! Why did he do that? Oh and that’s not all! There’s a card in the bag too. From St.Mary’s. I can barely hold it together to say this but…Megan there’s £200 cash in it with a note in the card saying ‘for the trip to England and back for the funeral.’ Megan what should I do?”
“Emmm I would buy tickets to get to England if I was you….”
There’s a pause as her voice touches me in the way it always has from the very first word she ever said to me right back in the launderette. I’m trying to think of how to reply when her voice returns, quieter, gentler, softer…
“God works in mysterious ways Liam. He’s looking after you.”
“You know that’s exactly the sort of thing aunt Ella would have said….Megan…will you come with me to England please…”
“Oh. I don’t know. I want to. I’d love to in fact but I promised Rory a birthday party on Saturday, and I have Yasmin to look after and my work too. . I can’t let everyone down Liam. I can’t just up and leave even if I really wanted to. I want to come though, so much. I just don’t see how it’s possible.”
“I understand. It was just a thought.”
“Liam, if I could I would. I just wish there was a way. I’ve just arrived at the McGintley’s but I’ll text or call later. And Liam…I am so thrilled about the suit. I love you. Speak soon!”
Her voice stays with me even after she rings off as I find myself talking out loud just like the priest did in the chapel earlier beside me.
“God please make a way. You know how much I want this.” |
Chapter 151
Megan.
Dad offers to drop me off at work on the way to hospital to see mam but it’s such a beautiful day I am happy to walk. I kiss Yasmin goodbye and shout up to Rory as I check with Theresa that she has everything she needs for the baby. Dad drives off with Anthony sitting in the front beside him and I grab my clutch bag for my phone and purse and head away. I’m just thinking to myself of where to take Chelsea on such a beautiful afternoon and what we have in to make for dinner later when I get home when my mobile rings. It’s Liam. He’s already sent me pictures and videos of his new suit and I am dying to tell him how attractive, sexy even, he looks in it. His entire physique seems to change in the tailored material making him look happier, healthier and even more handsome than ever. I can’t resist saving the pics to my phone to look at again later.
But there’s more! I knew about the heart room at the parochial house, having helped out there many times, and I know St. Mary’s helps widely in the community so hearing of Father Reilly giving clothes to my boyfriend doesn’t shock me much…but the money? I’m very aware that there are emergency funds, charity giving and so on but two hundred pounds to someone Father Reilly has only just met? That’s unheard of in all my years of chapel going! I’m every bit in awe and shock as Liam is, almost in tears, as I turn into the McGintley’s street.
I’ve always accepted Liam isn’t Catholic. It’s not even something I think about much either, though admittedly it was amazing to see him in chapel earlier, so to hear him mention he was given a Bible today sends my heart turning. Having him believe wouldn’t in any way make me love him more, in fact I’m not sure that would even be possible, but it would bring an added connection, a greater compatibility, maybe even an acceptance from my family. I don’t want to push him or force my religion and beliefs onto him but I can’t shake this powerful sense that God’s hand is on him right now.
“God works in mysterious ways. He’s looking after you Liam”, I say hoping he’s ok with that.
I had no idea that was something his aunt used to say. I really wish I had got to meet her.
I know he’s got to go back to England next weekend but I’ve been trying so hard not to think about it. I’m not ready for him to go. The idea of days, possibly even a week or more without him here in Bangor breaks me. Plus I am worried about him going on his own. It’s not just the funeral but from seeing what dad had to do when his brother died a few years ago I have some idea about the huge amount of sorting, organising and clearing that comes with putting someone’s affairs in order when they pass away. Liam hasn’t mentioned his aunt’s house, or anything else she owns, or what he plans to do. I am concerned it might all be too much but deep down I have another hidden concern that weighs on me like a noose around my neck: what if Liam doesn’t come back? What if returning to England brings back too many memories, has too many ties, is just easier all round, than coming back to Bangor? I love Bangor but even I confess it’s appeal is limited, it’s career prospects restricted, it’s weather grim at times.
Of course it had occurred to me to go with him. I would do anything to make that possible but with mam already in hospital it’s hard enough juggling the care of the boys and Yasmin, let alone the fact I can’t let the McGintley’s down either. The funeral is a week on Monday too and I’ve promised Rory a party on Saturday. It just doesn’t seem possible, even besides the practicalities of cost of the tickets, where I would stay and what I would eat. It’s just how to tell Liam that in less than a minute as each step gets me closer to Chelsea’s house, without leaving him upset.
Thankfully he seems ok as I ring off and chap the letterbox of the McGintley’s. Mr McGintley answers inviting me in. I notice Chelsea isn’t ready waiting as he beckons me into their living room and invites me to sit down. I’m nervous and anxious wondering if he’s found out about me picking up Liam in the van to get his daughter from school, or inviting him along to the cinema on Friday? Whilst Chelsea herself couldn’t say perhaps someone saw and news got back to him? I can’t bring myself to look him in the eye as I finally see Chelsea sitting in the kitchen in her wheelchair at the table.
“I’m sorry Chelsea isn’t ready Megan. Liz isn’t feeling well. She’s been in bed all day. I know you’ve been taking Chelsea out places and having fun but I jut wanted to talk to you before you start work today. There’s a couple of things I need to mention to you and I don’t think Liz has said yet. Has she mentioned about Thursday?”
I look up confused. “Was I meant to have Chelsea on Thursday? I’m sorry. Liz didn’t say. I was sure it was Tuesday and Friday last week. Please feel free to text me if that happens again. I hate to think of Chelsea thinking I didn’t come. Liz never even said too.”
Mr McGintley places his palm towards me like a policeman stopping traffic as he smiles.
“No. No. Not last Thursday. This Thursday coming. My wife has a hospital appointment. She has tried to reschedule for earlier in the day but unfortunately the consultant isn’t available until the afternoon. Regrettably it’s at 4pm so that’s leaving us with a bit of a problem you see. I have a meeting I can’t get out of that afternoon but we are struggling to find someone able to have Chelsea after school. I know we have already asked so much of you, and of course we will always pay you for your time. A good friend of ours has agreed to take Liz to the hospital but that doesn’t help us with Chelsea.”
I feel awful. I glance through to Chelsea sitting alone in the kitchen. None of this is her fault and I hate letting her down but Thursday is Rory’s birthday and I’ve already promised him he can have his friends around after school. I look up at Mr McGintley unsure what to say without feeling like I’m kicking him in the teeth.
“Thursday is my little brother’s birthday.”
“Please please don’t worry. It’s our responsibility, our problem. We just thought we’d ask you first.”
I don’t know why I say it, and I haven’t even thought of the practicalities or feasibility of it in any way, but before I can even stop myself the words are out.
“Well, maybe I could still help, that’s if you don’t object to Chelsea being at my house? She could come along and join in the fun with the kids? It’s just two of Rory’s friend’s coming around for a couple of hours after school. No loud music or flashing lights or anything, just two of his friends having snacks and seeing what Rory gets for his birthday and singing happy birthday. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind Chelsea joining in if you don’t? Would the bus be able to drop her at mine’s or would I be better picking her up?”
Mr McGintley looks at me relieved, his eyes watery and his face smiling.
“I think Chelsea would love that. No-one thinks to invite her to things like that you know. It’s one of the hardest things I struggle with with her being so far away for school. She never sees friends, never gets invited to parties. She’s not ever around kids her age. How old will your brother be?”
“He’s turning 10.”
“Oh goodness. Just months older than Chelsea really. What does he like? Football, video games, wresting?”
“Lego, nerf guns and video games mostly really.”
“Sounds fun. I’ll speak to Liz and see what she thinks about the bus or you getting her. The other thing is that we are going away next weekend for a couple of weeks. I have the Easter holidays off and we are heading over to Scotland to visit family. We’ll still pay you and I’ll give you the three weeks money next Saturday if that’s ok? We go away every Easter usually and a couple of weeks in summer too. Liz thought with your brothers off school you’d probably be glad to have a break too. I better go get Chelsea ready now or she’ll be yelling at me. There’s only so long The Greatest Showman on my iPad will entertain her for. She loves that film!”
I stand up and follow him towards their big kitchen and my friend Chelsea. Looking at her in her wheelchair I suddenly wonder how I’ll ever get her into my house, and that’s before I even tell dad what I’ve agreed to. I hope everything is going ok at the hospital today because I need dad in a good mood tonight when I tell him. The last thing I need is being shouted at again! |
Chapter 153
Megan
I get home to find dad and Anthony have got back from seeing mam, Rory has built an amazing go cart out of his brother’s meccano and Yasmin is napping. I head upstairs right away, now desperate to use the bathroom, but annoyingly I find Theresa is having a bath. I pop in to see Rory as he shows off his go cart in his room as he starts telling me how he thought it all up and how he got certain parts to move. I try my utmost to stand still but it’s impossible as I lean over the desk Rory is sitting at looking at his go cart just as I notice that he’s sitting perched right at the edge of the chair.
“Can you see ok Rory?”
He turns to look at me as I step from foot to foot praying my sister gets out the bathroom immediately so I can pee.
“Yes. Why?”
“Just the way you’re sitting made me wonder. It’s been a while since you had your eyes tested and it looks like you’re straining to see the small pieces.”
He shuffles on the seat looking uncomfortable before putting the model on the desk gently and wriggling again.
“I just really need to pee that’s all. I got so caught up with building I didn’t want to leave. I’d better go now because I’m bursting!”
“Me too! I think Theresa’s in though. I’m sure she’ll hurry up though if she knows you are waiting. Why don’t you knock and tell her.”
“Oh.”
He wriggles more and bounces his leg as I continue stepping foot to foot, my stomach feeling bloated and heavy. Suddenly he jumps up from the metal seat running straight to the bathroom as he uses his palm to knock the bathroom door.
“Can whoever is in hurry up.” He pauses, twisting his legs around, before adding politely, “please.”
Theresa shouts out that she’s just getting dried as my youngest brother runs back to sit back on the chair in the room he shares with his older brother as he swings his legs and squirms. I know how he feels as I cross my legs and lean against the open door.
“So have your friend’s parent’s agreed to them coming both Thursday and Saturday? Just so I make sure everything is organised. I can’t believe this is your last ever Sunday being 9 Rory. I was wondering, remember Chelsea who I look after? How would you feel if she was here on Thursday too? Would you be ok with that?”
My poor brother is wriggling for all he’s worth very clearly absolutely bursting for the loo as he tries his best to answer my questions whilst not losing concentration on keeping his pee in.
“Callum goes to his dad’s on a Saturday but he said his dad will bring him and his mam will come get him at 5:30 on Thursday. Oscar just stays local and his gran does too so his gran will walk him here on Thursday after school then come back for him but it might be his mam bringing him on Saturday or his gran. He doesn’t know yet but he’s definitely coming too. Oh I really really NEED to pee so much!”
“I’m sure Theresa will be out soon. So what about Chelsea? Would you be ok with her being here Thursday? She’s never been to a birthday party since she was a baby!”
“Why?”
I moan as an urgent wave hits me hard as I twist and squirm standing in front of my brother.
“Well her school is ages away, as you know. Plus she doesn’t see many other kids. I don’t think many children think to invite disabled children to their parties sadly. I think I’ll see if Theresa is almost out eh? I don’t know about you but I’m nearly having an accident here.”
“Same”
I walk to the bathroom seeing my brother leaning forward clutching between his legs on the chair.
“You almost done there Theresa? Poor Rory is bursting out here!”
Just then she unlocks and opens the door standing facing me wrapped in nothing but a towel as I see the toilet behind her and long to use it so much. Instead I turn to face my little brother, who is almost crying trying to hold his bladder back, as he sees his sister walk into her room and he races to the open bathroom like he’s the road racer! I pull the door closed to give him privacy as I step into mam and dad’s room to check on Yasmin. In their darkened room seeing her napping, as I hold myself longing for access to the only bathroom in the Murphy house, I think back to the day just weeks ago when I was every bit as desperate and ended up peeing on a spare cot mattress protector and hiding it under Yasmin’s cot. As I moan quietly and pee dance hoping not to wake my sister I remember how my wet things went missing and how dad later confessed to me that he had been writing mam notes to try and cheer her up and how he thought my wet knickers were mam’s.
I slip a hand inside my knickers stroking my shaking vagina as I try everything to keep myself from having another accident. It feels so incredible touching my own body and feeling it respond as the tingling intensifies and my nipples enlarge and get increasingly sensitive. Oh how I really need to pee but it feels so amazing to explore my body when it’s so tense and heightened and sensitive. I start to feel a little light headed as I sit on the edge of my parents’s bed with one hand down my midi skirt and underwear as I twirl my enlarged clitoris and explore my very warm wet throbbing vagina. My legs tense as I rock back and forth on the edge of the double bed, my fingers stroking my swollen sensitive vaginal lips and sliding effortlessly inside my body, my urethra pulsating against the palm of my hand as my mouth opens and closes and my jaw tenses. I can’t stop as the rocking and gyrating becomes more intensive, the throbbing faster, my need overpowering. I gasp as my fingers squelch in my own copious warm liquid as I wriggle my legs back and forth rhythmically rubbing my hard clitoris against my own palm, my two first fingers sliding in and out my body making me shake and crave more.
I moan softly as I can’t stop what I am doing, my heart and body united as one as I hold back one urgent physical need while almost reaching climax in another. I hear my younger brother flush the toilet and turning the taps on to presumably wash his hands as my mind pictures Liam in place of Rory and imagines him getting so involved in a task that he inadvertently ends up absolutely bursting to pee only to find the only bathroom isn’t free. The image in my mind of him sitting on the edge of the seat, confessing he’s desperate, then imagining his facial expression when I say someone is in the loo and seeing him squirm at the door just like my brother did sends my hormones raging as I orgasm to a final image of him swinging his legs on the chair with both hands on his crotch. I don’t even realise I’m moaning quietly as my forehead sweats and my arms go tense as my rocking becomes so rigid as I climax quickly but amazingly as I suddenly feel so satisfied, ecstatic and complete.
Rory passes the door as he pauses to call me, probably wondering where I am.
“That’s the bathroom free Megan.”
My mouth is dry, my face red and hot as I do my best to sound as calm as before while my heart beats rapidly.
“Thanks”
I lie back on the bed allowing my body to calm down and my need to pee to return as I realise I haven’t even thought about dinner let alone prepared anything. I close my eyes thinking about dinner, about all the stuff I need to do for Rory’s birthday, the amazing service at chapel earlier and Liam and his new suit. As I start thinking more about how I could possibly get Chelsea inside the house on Thursday I feel my legs moving from side to side and my stomach ache as suddenly my need to wee is returning with even more urgency than before. I sit up and rush to the bathroom already feeling dribbles in my pants. |
Chapter 155
Megan
Dashing to the bathroom finally I’m honestly shocked at how long I pee for, my stream strong and loud as it splashes into the water below. My lower stomach cramps as my exhausted bladder finally gets the relief it’s been craving for ages. I reach for some toilet roll to wipe myself feeling the paper glide over my body and fill heavily with what I presume is mucus and drops of urine. I peek down to check seeing the paper in my hand soaked in blood. I’ve been so busy with everything I’d completely forgotten my period was due. I clean myself up, get a sanitary towel from the cabinet and then wash my hands and head downstairs to start dinner.
I have to do a double take as I walk past the living room as dad once again has Yasmin on his knee singing to her. I smile and continue on to the kitchen opening the fridge and freezer for inspiration for tea. Dad must have heard me as he suddenly appears in the doorway holding Yasmin.
“How was work?”
“Yeah it was good thanks. Chelsea, the girl I look after, is lovely. Same age as our Rory. I just stayed at hers and played in the garden with her today seeing as it’s such a lovely day. How was mam?”
I open a cupboard and pull out a casserole dish as I pull out some chicken from the fridge and cut it up. Placing it into the casserole dish with a jar of curry sauce I listen to my father as I smile in delight at what he’s telling me.
“Oh Megan what a difference from yesterday! I could barely believe it was the same person! She was absolutely thrilled to see Ant. He’d got me to stop at the hospital shop and he chose mam a small pad and pen, a puzzle book and a novel. When she saw Ant with me she sat upright in bed telling the nurses that he was her son and then making him give her a hug. After she’d asking him all about school Ant started telling her about Rory and how you’d said he could have friends around on his birthday and again on Saturday for a party. I was terrified that might set her off but it had the opposite effect! She used the pad and pen to list some ideas to buy presents for Rory, then on another page all the things you could make for snacks and then on another games for Saturday. I hardly got a word in as she beamed at me feeling she was part of something again only getting low when it dawned on her she probably wouldn’t be home for any of it. Ant turned that around too though asking if she had her phone, which she did as I’d taken it up for her, so he showed her how to FaceTime and he said he’d see if Theresa would let Rory use her iPad so your mam can FaceTime him on his birthday and on Saturday.”
“Oh dad that sounds amazing! I’m sure Theresa will help with that.”
“You know she even made lists for me. I got a bit of a bum kicking but you know what, I loved it! That’s the Mary Catalina that I fell in love with.”
He hands me two small pieces of paper from his smart trouser’s pockets. I unfold them and read them. The first, written in my mam’s neat handwriting reads:
Make sure Megan has enough money for food every week
Get Megan to open and deal with mail (give her money for bills when needed)
Remember the kids homework
Get everyone to help with the housework
Don’t forget bin day on Tuesdays!
I smile at how often mam wrote my name knowing how her and I have struggled for so long. I chuckle at the thought of dad helping with homework too, but then mam didn’t exactly help either always sending us to older siblings instead. I put the list under the other one and begin reading that one too. This one has a title:
Rory’s birthday
Give Megan or Theresa money and get them to get Rory a gift from mam and dad. Make sure they wrap and label it too. See list I gave Ant for ideas
Give one of the older kids money to get Rory a birthday cake. Don’t forget candles in the kitchen drawer and matches hidden on top of the kitchen cupboard.
Buy a birthday card with a badge. He’ll want a badge to wear to school.
Buy a banner and tape to the front door before he gets home from school.
Don’t forget balloons!
Make his favourite tea: pizza.
I look up at dad who has put his youngest daughter in her high chair and handed her a toy. He smiles at me then puts his hand in his suit jacket pocket and pulls out his wallet.
“So I guess I had better do as she says eh! So…money for food…is £200 enough for now? And then all that birthday stuff? Say, another hundred? You can just give me back what you don’t need or keep it for the bills. I already gave Theresa what she spent on food. I just wasn’t thinking. Your mam just keep me right you see. I’m lost without her. Born organiser that woman. You ok with that birthday list? Seems a bit much to me but you know what your mam’s like.”
“I kinda feel bad now. I hadn’t even thought about a banner or balloons. Talking about Thursday dad I have a big favour to ask. Could you pass me the pan from the rack please. Thanks’
Dad passes me the pot as I measure out rice for the curry as he looks at me inquisitively.
“Go on”
“You know I look after a disabled girl, Chelsea McGintley? Well on Thursday her mam has a hospital appointment and her dad has a meeting he can’t get out of for work and they’re really stuck for someone to watch Chelsea for a few hours until her mam gets home.”
“So you’re saying you won’t be here for Rory are you? After saying his friends can come too.”
“Actually I was thinking of bringing Chelsea here. The boys and Yasmin have already met her. Remember I took them last week to pick her up from school? It’s just a couple of hours, maybe not even that. She’s no trouble, honestly. She can’t talk or anything but she’s so lovely. Her mam’s going to see if the school bus will drop her here but otherwise I’d need to get her. I might see if they’ll let me get her early so I’m here for Rory after school. It’s just this once, honest dad.”
“It sounds like you’ve got it all planned already.”
I look at him trying to read his face. He smiles and winks at me.
“You’re more like your mam than you realise .Megan. Ok. As long as it’s just this once. Just a few hours. I think you should tell Rory though, seeing as it’s his birthday. So, I’ll leave that birthday list with you and I can cross off most of my list too. Curry tonight? Mmm. Let me know when it’s ready. I don’t want to miss that!”
I finish making dinner opting for something less spicy for Yasmin and making her some macaroni cheese which she loves. After dinner I check the boys school bags and get uniforms organised then run myself a bath and get an early night, texting Liam just before I go to sleep.
Monday I’m bleeding heavy and tired so I stay home with Yasmin other than a trip to Tesco to do a big shop. It tires both of us out even with getting a taxi home and by the time I’ve put it all away and made lunch we’re both in need of a nap. I wake in plenty time for the boys coming home and manage to do some basic tidying and reserve a few things at Argos for Thursday. Aisling calls to say mam was bright and chatty when she went to see her making lists of things for her that she’ll need for the baby. Dad has the night off visiting as Shaun and Lilly pop up and I’m grateful to not be working as I head to bed earlier wondering how Liam got on at his first day back at work. |
Chapter 157
Megan
I’m surprisingly grateful for mam’s list as I tick off the items on the birthday list one by one making sure everything is organised both for Thursday and Saturday. In between all the extra organising there’s things to pick up from the retail park, deliveries to be in for and the usual juggling of housework, looking after Yasmin and my part-time job.
The closer if gets to Thursday though the more I am starting to panic about how I will get Chelsea in the house without all the adaptions her own family home has. Wednesday I wheel Chelsea around the beautiful Bangor public gardens as we watch the birds and butterflies and have an ice cream from the kiosk. I am just talking away to Chelsea, telling her about Rory and his birthday, when my phone beeps with a text message. The photo of the brand new black shoes amazes me as I wonder who might have bought them for Liam and how they knew his size and even his address! I show Chelsea the photo too and I’m sure she understands as the edges of her mouth turns upwards and her eyes turn from the phone back to me. Looking at her I notice she’s sitting at a slight angle in her chair so I bend down to adjust her body realising she’s not nearly as light as I expected. How on earth will I get her safely into my house tomorrow?
I call Liam and talk through my concerns and almost cry when he agrees to pop round after work to help me carry her in. My plans for the boys to start in the back garden with a nerf gun and water gun fight while I prepare some snacks means I should be able to amuse Chelsea around the back until Liam arrives. I just pray the weather stays as beautiful as it is today.
Everything seems to be going well on Thursday morning as I wake Rory up by singing happy birthday and he opens one gift before school as well as a couple of cards over breakfast, super excited to put on a birthday badge for school just like mam predicted. Ant promises a surprise from mam later as he winks at me and smiles at his brother when we both notice his slight sadness at seeing his mam’s handwriting in the card. I wave them off to school and then get Yasmin organised before undertaking operation ‘prepare the Murphy house’ for after school. It’s a job to wrap last minute deliveries from Niamh and Iain whilst keeping Yasmin away from the rustling paper, but finally it’s all ready and I send a photo to mam. She doesn’t reply but I didn’t really expect her to anyway. It’s probably not anywhere near as good as she’d have done anyway. Nothing I do is ever good enough for mam.
Aisling drops a wrapped gift off for her brother just before lunch before she heads off to see mam. Since Anthony’s visit on Sunday mam seems to have been improving so much and Aisling tells me there’s even talk of her getting discharged soon. I look over at Yasmin sitting on the floor playing contentedly and wonder what the impact on her of mam possibly coming home soon will be. Will she be back to being stuck in her jumperoo that’s she’s beginning to outgrow now or will mam just keep handing her to me whenever it suits her? Now knowing so much more from dad I worry even more about her future.
After lunch Yasmin has a nap while I strip the beds and remake them with fresh bedding, realising they haven’t been done since Lilly was over when mam first went into hospital. I don’t want Rory’s friends going back to their families saying we didn’t even have clean duvet covers on our beds as I load the washing machine with bedding from the boys room then return upstairs to do mine and Theresa’s. Stripping my bed I come across the notes and bookmark from Liam as I pause to reread them and hold them close. The bookmark especially makes me pause as the words ‘sometimes our most desperate situations lead to our most beautiful moments’ really seem to come alive as I think back to the incredible times I have had with Liam, from meeting him in the launderette, to the library, finding him outside chapel, then again at St Mary’s on my brother’s first communion when I was so desperate I peed behind the chapel, and then the day my mam was taken to hospital after taking an overdose. I cuddle the precious items to my chest as I close my eyes and remember the night I stayed over at Liam’s and the time days later just after his aunt had died and I popped round with Yasmin and ended up peeing over the leg of his jeans. I whisper into the empty room, “I love you so much Liam Jude” as I finish making the beds and pop the things back under my pillow.
Just before Yasmin wakes I fill some buckets of water and I open the Nerf guns and water pistols I ordered and set up some balloons on the back wall of the garden for targets, knowing full well that the boys will no doubt enjoy firing the guns as much at each other as they will the balloons. I carry Yasmin’s high chair outside so she can sit out and watch too as I put my home made poster on the front door saying ‘Water and Nerf gun fight this way. ➡️‘ then head back inside to change into shorts and t-shirt with my swimming costume on under them just incase the boys decide to get me wet too.
With so many surprises lined up for Rory I just hope he has a brilliant day and that I somehow manage four primary school boys, a severely disabled 9 year old girl and my baby sister pretty much alone until my older sister and my dad get in from work and my boyfriend is able to help get Chelsea in the house too. The only bonus tonight is that mam convinced dad to order take away pizza for when he gets home from work later on as a birthday treat for Rory. At least one bonus is I don’t need to cook or wash up much when everyone’s gone. |
Chapter 160
Liam
I can hear laughter and screaming as I get closer to 25 Woodburn Close and my heart skips a bear as I recognise instantly the unmistakable beautiful laugh of Megan Murphy. I can’t wait to see her despite urgently needing to piss. I follow the noise towards the back garden where I see Yasmin giggling in a high chair, Chelsea flapping in her wheelchair, her head nodding in happiness and four boys and Megan having what looks like great fun with water pistols and nerf guns. Megan turns as she sees me as my eyes bulge seeing her soaking wet top clinging to her shapely gorgeous breasts, her nipples very obvious and her shorts showing off her wonderful legs. She looks the epitome of beauty, the definition of sexy, as I gawp at her helplessly.
She holds a water pistol up towards me smiling.
“You dare me?”
I’m sweating from work anyway and my clothes are going in the wash the minute I get home so I put my litter picker down, take my high visibility jacket off, dumping it on the ground, and allow my girlfriend to fire freezing cold water at me wherever she likes as I raise both hands in the air in submission. She sprays me laughing until the pistol is completely empty, my shirt wet and the top of my jeans a different colour to the rest. As I notice the gun is empty I move my arms more to my side holding them out for a hug from the most wonderful girl who ever existed. She drops the gun and happily runs into my arms as I kiss her on the top of her head and whisper down to her.
“It’s so good to see you. You look amazing.”
She steps back to eye me from my head to my feet. Smiling and giggling she looks up at me, still in my arms, as the boys all laugh and shout behind her. “Likewise Liam…though you do look like you’ve had a bit of an accident there.” She looks at my crotch as I blush and she winks at me. I pull her towards me again as I have to let go of one of her hands to grab my crotch desperately as I whisper down to her blushing more.
“Actually I almost am! Could I possibly use your bathroom sweetheart. I haven’t been able to go all day and I’m seriously desperate.”
I can’t help biting my lip and frowning pleading with her with my eyes to release me to run inside to her bathroom. Her eyes sparkle in that way I know and adore so much and her mouth opens as I’m sure she’s about to say yes when something suddenly stops her.
“Meg! Meg!”
She turns to look at the boys as her youngest brother calls her.
“Meg, is it ok if Callum uses our toilet. He’s bursting!”
I see one of the boys with his head down and his hand in front of his shorts awkwardly as my heart sinks at what Megan says so innocently and naturally.
“Goodness of course! If anyone else wants to go now would be a great time to go because once I get the girls inside it’ll be time to get the birthday cake out.”
I watch in shock as all the boys apart from the oldest one run inside as my heart sinks at the inevitable; I’m going to have to somehow hang on a bit longer yet. Megan smiles at me sheepishly and whispers kindly, “I hope you don’t mind the kids going first. I promise you can go too very shortly.” I smile back too embarrassed to say anything especially as her brother steps closer.
“Anything I can do to help Megan?”
“Could you get Yasmin in for me please? Just put her in her jumperoo for a minute until we get Chelsea inside then if you would be able to get her high chair in that would be a great help too. Thanks Anthony.”
Megan then turns to Chelsea.
“Right cutie. Let’s see if we can get you inside ready for some birthday cake too. We can’t have you missing out now can we?”
I watch as she unclips the straps holding Chelsea securely in her chair holding her body firmly so she doesn’t accidentally slide out. The older boy lifts Yasmin out her high chair effortlessly as I turn away from him grabbing my crotch trying so desperately to keep my bladder at bay just a bit longer. I move from foot to foot anxiously as Megan turns to talk to me.
“You sure you’ll be ok lifting her?”
“Yeah”
Megan looks at my hands as I bend down.
“You might be better washing your hands first? There’s soap at the kitchen sink.”
I look at my hands having forgotten that I’ve just spent the day picking up rubbish for a living as I blush and apologise before going up the steep back stairs into Megan’s kitchen. I dance about clutching between my legs desperately as I pump some soap onto my hands and wash them thoroughly before looking around for a towel. As Megan’s older brother walks through again to get the high chair I thrust my crotch into the kitchen counter as hard as I can trying to disguise how close I am to pissing myself, the wetness in that area from the water pistol making holding even harder than before. I dry my hands and head back out to Megan and Chelsea more desperate to go than ever before. There’s no way I can lift Chelsea and carry her inside without using the bathroom first. I can feel my penis on the verge of erupting any second.
I wait at the top of the back steps as the older boy carries in Yasmin’s high chair as I watch Megan trying to support Chelsea as she waits for me. The whole time I stand there my penis is throbbing in my damp jeans threatening to erupt with warm liquid any second. I just know I’m going to have an accident and the thought terrifies me. After the lad passes me I take the stairs so quickly I almost fall over as I can hear my own heart beating I’m so consumed by my need to piss. I bend forward holding myself panting, my head right in front of Chelsea’s and touching Megan’s.
“I gotta piss so bad! I’m not gonna make it to the toilet. Oh God its dribbling out!”
Megan kisses me lightly on the cheek, promises it’ll be ok, then she quickly clicks Chelsea’s belt back on and whispers to me to go against the wall of the stairs quickly while she keeps the boys inside. Before she’s even at the top of the stairs I have my zip down, my penis out and urine is bursting out of me so urgently I can barely stand. I stumble as close to the wall as I can hearing Megan telling the boys to stand beside Rory in the kitchen behind the table to give me room to bring Chelsea in before she lights the candles on the cake.
Only the marvellous Megan has any idea what’s delaying me and I’m so relieved about that, in more ways than one now. |
Chapter 161
Megan
I can’t believe Anthony got me joining in! I’m meant to be the responsible mature adult too! It’s so nice to be having fun though as despite the water being freezing it’s rather refreshing in the late afternoon sun. Anthony has too good an aim though and by the time Liam finally arrives my entire top is drenched and clinging tight to me and I’m so glad to be wearing my swim suit underneath.
Having not seen Liam in person since Sunday I feel a spark, an energy, a draw between us like magnets attracting each other as I catch how he looks at me longingly and admiringly as my hair drips and my mouth smiles. He’s even more handsome than before and I can’t help but want to suddenly make him just as wet as I am. There’s a sweetness, an enticement, a sort of unexpected foreplay I wasn’t expecting as he holds his hand up in surrender. As I squirt him with cold water my own body warns incredibly as I realise once again just how much I adore him. Running into his arms even in front of my brothers feel natural and inevitable and hugging him makes the world seem so wonderful and amazing. My bleeding is almost over and as I notice exactly where I made him wet with the water play I can’t help but feel that familiar sexual excitement as I whisper to him that it looks like he’s had a bit of an accident.
To be honest I completely forgot that he has no access to a toilet at work and when he tells me he is actually aching to piss my body goes into instant overdrive. But this is my brother’s birthday night and there’s children all around us so I’m just about to tell Liam to use the bathroom upstairs when Rory calls my name urgently. I turn to see one of his friends standing awkwardly with a flushed face and an embarrassed look and responsibility takes over as I instinctively encourage all the boys to use our bathroom before I light the candles on the cake. It’s only when I look back at Liam as the boys all rush in that the impact of what I just said dawns on me. With the boys all using the only bathroom my poor desperate boyfriend now has nowhere to go! Trying to think quickly I decide that by the time we have got Chelsea inside the bathroom ought to be free so if he can just hang on a few more minutes…
I prepare Chelsea to be lifted and Liam comes over with his hands open ready to pick her up. That’s when I am horrified to see how dirty his hands are and I worry touching Chelsea in that condition might cause her to become ill or catch an infection, or even just stain her school uniform. I stay with Chelsea to keep her safe as Anthony once again comes to the rescue and gets Yasmin and her high chair both back in the house. I talk to Chelsea about what’s happening next so she isn’t scared as I explain how Liam will carry her into the house and then we’ll sing happy birthday to Rory.
As Liam returns from washing his hands and leans into the chair with his arms open I notice his face first. He’s almost crying, his forehead creased, his eyes glazed in concentration and his cheeks are bright pink. I knew he needed the toilet but I clearly misjudged badly just how urgent it is. I’m exceedingly glad to be wearing a sanitary towel under my swimsuit still as Liam’s words, and the intimacy in which he says them with his head touching mine, cause me to be so turned on I feel my vagina filling with mucus instantly. But I have to help him. My dad and sister could come home any second and there’s no way I want them to meet him for the first time when he just wet himself. I quickly strap Chelsea back in to keep her safe and suggest to Liam that he pisses by the back stairs. Meanwhile I head back in to keep everyone away from the back door, the kitchen window and to give Liam the necessary time he needs to do his business.
I might be taking photos, playing the dutiful host and keeping everything in order on the outside but between my legs, beneath my shorts, my swimming costume and my sanitary towel my body is on fire, swollen, excited and longing for Liam in every way possible.
I get Rory’s cake out the box, the boys all loving that it’s shaped like an Xbox controller and put ten candles on ready imagining Liam peeing just outside near where I am standing and feeling the effect that thought has on my whole body. Just the sheer thought that he’d been so bursting he couldn’t even make it into the house to my toilet sends shivers up my spine as I decide to finally open the back door to check if he’s ok just at the very time he’s standing there carrying Chelsea in his arms. I quickly pull out another dining chair as he sits on it holding Chelsea securely on his knee as I get Anthony to go get Yasmin as I light the candles and sing to Rory just as I hear my dad and sister’s voices coming into the room at the second word and joining in. Rory’s face is beaming from ear to ear as I tell him to hold off blowing the candles to make a wish giving me just enough time to grab my phone and get photos of him blowing out his candles.
The boys, dad and Theresa head into the living room as I take Yasmin from Anthony and stand beside Liam who still has Chelsea on his knee. Checking everyone else is out the room I lean down and kiss my boyfriend on his lips softly then wink at him and thank him, asking quietly over the noise and excitement of my brother opening gifts next door,
“Did you make it?”
“Just! There’s quite a puddle though.”
“As big as the one I made on your bin bag that day behind chapel?”
Liam’s face goes red and his eyes shine as I notice his gaze drops slightly to my still wet top and my very noticeable cleavage then back to my eyes.
“Possibly. I feel so much better now though. You reckon we should join them?”
I look at Yasmin in my arms and Chelsea on his kneee and smile.
“I reckon we are just perfect as we are, don’t you?” |
Chapter 162
Liam
I’ve never carried a disabled child before, in fact until meeting Megan I’d never even held a baby. Chelsea can’t control her limbs very well so she doesn’t pull her arms around my neck or wrap her legs around my waist at all so I have to be even more careful lifting her and keeping my balance as I go up the concrete back steps into Megan’s kitchen. It’s a bit overwhelming to see so many people in one kitchen having never had one sibling at home when I was young let alone as many as Megan has. Chelsea also weighs much more than Yasmin so I’m very grateful to get to sit on a dining chair with her on my knee. Chelsea doesn’t appear to be fazed at all by the amount of people and she bounces with excitement on my knee as the singing starts as if Happy Birthday is the most exciting song she’s ever heard.
I’m secretly delighted when everyone except Megan goes into the other room as I can’t take my eyes off her sexy body and beautiful face. The connection between us seems stronger than ever and when her lips touch mine my entire body feels alive and on fire. Her wink makes my penis even more erect as the sexual tension between us only increases as she asks if I made it on time moments earlier when I pissed like a fire hydrant at her back stairs. When she happens to mention the time she peed on a bin bag behind St. Mary’s chapel I feel my penis throb with desire as I look at my Megan longingly, full of need for her despite the fact there’s a crowd next door and two young children in our arms. I can’t stop it though. She’s so unbelievably sexy in just shorts and t-shirt and open toes strapped sandals.
Knowing at any point any one of the people next door could walk in on us just seems to add to the thrill as I wrap an arm securely around Chelsea and reach my other hand out to hold Megan’s hand as I gaze up at her and mouth, ‘I love you.’ Her eyes shine as she mouths the same back as we both hear laughter and excitement next door as Rory has presumably just opened another card or gift. Over the talking I think I hear the doorbell go as Megan leaves having obviously heard it too. She returns with the man I recognise from the council who referred me to the food bank. I now know it’s Chelsea’s dad as she kicks her legs and waves her arms excitedly as she sees him.
“Look at you sweetheart! Have you had a good time today? I see you’ve made a lovely new friend already too. I hope you’ve been good for Megan?”
Megan tells him how she’s been wonderful, even showing him some photos on her phone while I continue to hold the excited girl firmly on my knee. She updates him on what she’s had to eat and drink as he looks around anxiously for his daughter’s chair.
“It’s out the back, sitting in the shade. We’ve not long came in as we were all eating and having fun in the garden. Liam kindly lifted Chelsea in for me. I hope that was ok?”
“Perfectly ok. Oh I forgot to give you this. There’s a card there with a voucher in for your brother too. The other one’s for you. We’re going to miss you aren’t we Chelsea.”
He walks towards me as I hand him his daughter as carefully and gently as I can.
“Thank you for taking such good care of her. We really appreciate it.”
I smile, not sure what I am meant to say, while Megan opens the back door to show him out then follows behind him to say goodbye to Chelsea, handing me Yasmin as she passes. Despite being so much younger Yasmin is actually easier to handle, her little legs stretching as she tries standing on my knees looking right at me. Her little blue eyes shine right into mine as I find myself connecting with her in a way that feels even deeper than before. I never expected to ever bond with a baby, especially one that wasn’t mine, but without a second thought I kiss the young child on the forehead and tell her she’s adorable. Megan returns and comes over towards me as it looks like she’s about to take her sister but instead she reaches for a small plastic bag then rushes back out the back panting,
“Oh, I forgot her party bag. Be right back!”
The back door closes and I’m left sitting holding Yasmin alone again as her little fingers touch my cheek and hair as she stands on my knees supported by my hands on her upper body as I allow her to touch and explore however she’s wants. It feels weird that none of the others next door have noticed that neither Megan nor Yasmin are with them and I wonder if it’s just the excitement of the gifts or if this is normal. It feels strange, whatever the reason.
Hoping Megan doesn’t mind I help myself to some nibbles on the table and a plastic cup of juice. I probably should go home now that Chelsea’s gone but until someone takes the baby I feel stuck. I hear Megan’s voice again, this time calling into the living room.
“Oscar, that’s your mam here to collect you. Hold on and I’ll get your party bag. See you Saturday!”
She races in briefly to pick up another small bag as she smiles at me then turns right back out again. It feels similar to picking up litter on the busy A20 as people come and go all around like traffic as Megan calls another name to say there’s someone here for them too. She doesn’t return to the kitchen this time so I assume she took both boys bags the last time. I briefly wonder what’s in the bags, having never been to a party as a child, but Yasmin distracts me as she pulls my hair and then cuddles into me. I’m starting to feel like I really should go now that it’s just the Murphy family left but just then I hear the familiar ring of a phone as I check my pocket to see if it’s mine.
“Rory! I think it’s for you! Guess who?”
I hear the excitement from next door as Megan returns finally as she must see my puzzled look as she tells me that Theresa and the others arranged for mam to FaceTime Rory from the hospital on his birthday. She goes to take Yasmin off me but the child has other ideas as she clings to me like a little monkey as Megan smiles and drops her arms happily.
“Thank you for all your help Liam. I really appreciate it.”
“I should probably be heading home now. Can I see you again before I leave for England?”
“I hope so. I really don’t want you to go.”
I stand up with the baby in my arms and hold my girlfriend close, feeling her breasts against my body as I wipe her damp cheek with my finger.
“I’ll be back soon. Promise. Don’t you want to go join the FaceTime? Won’t your mum want to see you and Yasmin?”
“It’s Rory she wants to see, and Anthony and Theresa and dad. Yasmin and I just make her sick. I wouldn’t do that to Rory. I’d rather keep his birthday happy for him.”
Megan takes the baby from my arms as I see her moist eyes full of pain and hurt. I don’t know what goes on in her family but whatever it is I hate that it’s hurting the woman and child I love more than anyone or anything else. |
Chapter 163
Megan
I feel ever so alone when first Chelsea, then Liam, leaves. I stand at the living room door holding Yasmin as I hear my mam’s voice over my sister’s iPad as Rory shows off his gifts and tells his mam all about his gifts and playing with the water pistols and nerf guns. It’s like I’m here but not here all at the same time as I hear Anthony telling his mam that tomorrow is a dress down day at school because it’s the last day before the school holidays. Part of me feels suddenly angry hearing this wondering why he’s telling his sick mam in hospital who hasn’t been home for over two weeks now but hasn’t told me, the only one getting up in the mornings to get him and his brother ready, making all their meals, doing homework with them and making their packed lunches. I walk away feeling tears behind my eyes but not wanting anyone in my family to see them.
I fill the kettle with water and switch it on hoping a warm cup of tea will wash away all my woes like some sort of magic. Dad pops his head in the doorway smiling as I paste on my best smile for him hoping he can’t see through it.
“Your mam had to go as they brought her dinner in. I’m going to order the pizzas now so I can get up to see your mam tonight. She put on such a brave face for our Rory but I know it will have broken her heart not to be here on his birthday. You know how much she loves all your birthdays.”
‘Yes’, I think as he walks away, ‘all except mine and maybe Yasmin’s’, though to be fair Yasmin has only ever had one so far. I sigh and make my tea before taking Yasmin outside while my tea cools to tidy the water pistols and nerf guns away in a bucket and bring them in.
Yasmin struggles to chew the pizzas when they finally arrive so I end up making her something else and by the time she’s fed and sorted I end up with just a few cold slices myself. The boys go off to explore all Rory’s new things while dad and Theresa both go to visit man because Theresa is spending the weekend in Belfast at a friends while she flat hunts there before starting her new job. Meanwhile I bath Yasmin, wash and dry her hair, feed her some warm milk and settle her for bed and then peel the boys away from Rory’s gifts to get them ready for bed too. I get them to look out their own clothes for school and put away the clean uniform I’d already looked out. Folding shirts into their drawers I’m tempted to ask why neither of them thought to say about the Easter holidays or the dress down day but I’m too tired to be bothered.
I had planned on making myself a final night cap drink then getting an early night, not even wanting to bore Liam with how my evening turned out, but things once again don’t go to plan. Dad and Theresa get home just as I’m washing the last of the dishes from earlier and boiling the kettle for a last cuppa of the day. Both of them walk straight into the kitchen as dad looks at me anxiously.
“I’m glad you’re still up Meg. I really need to talk to you about something.”
I sit down at the dining table as both dad and Theresa make themselves tea too and then join me. The air is thick as no-one says a word while dad pours boiling water into mugs and adds tea bags, sugar and milk while Theresa sits silently across from me staring right at me. Am I in trouble again? Is mam ok? Finally dad hands Theresa a mug and he sits down beside her, both facing me like I’m on some intensive interview I haven’t prepared for. No-one seems to want to say anything and I’m tired, confused and stressed waiting so I take a deep breath and casually ask how mam was.
“She was better than I expected love. That’s the thing I wanted to talk to you about actually. There’s been talk the last day or two of your mam getting home, I think you knew that?” I nod. “Well tonight when we went one of the nurses came and said someone wanted a word with me. Theresa stayed with mam and I was taken to this room with, who was it Theresa?”
“Mr Henry I think they said his name was. Lead psychiatrist for mam’s ward.”
“That’s it. I’m hopeless with names. Anyway he wanted to talk to me about arrangements for your mam getting home. Something about a discharge package and what he feels needs to be in place.”
“You mean community care?”
“Yes Meg. That sort of thing. Your mam is still high risk at the moment but she’s apparently started talking. You know I don’t like people knowing our business and that but he said that this was vital to her recovery and that so I just nodded. He asked me some questions and I answered them without any idea of what he’d say next. It’s just…well they want to put some conditions on mam getting home. For her safety and everyone else’s if you know what I mean.”
“I think so. Kind of like before with keep all meds out her reach, keep sharp objects locked away, not letting her out alone and that?”
“Yes but this time there’s more conditions given what she did.”
“Go on.”
“Well she’s not allowed to be responsible for anyone else. That one was non negotiable. She can’t be left alone with Rory, or Anthony or…”
“Yasmin?”
“No. Actually they want to go even further, hopefully for just a short time until she’s fully better. She needs undisturbed sleep, no responsibilities, no pressure or stress, as little demands on her as possible .”
“So, what are you saying? You want me to look after Yasmin full-time? What about when I have work? Can she be in the house when man’s here or…what are you actually saying dad?”
“Megan, you know as well as I do that mam’s always struggled with Yasmin. Not really interacting with her, drowning her crying out with the radio, leaving her in that jumperoo thingy.”
“I know all that Theresa! It’s not like I’ve been able to disappear out to work all the time and get away from it all like you, have I? It’s not like I’m blind! You actually have no idea the things I’ve had to put up with here when you’re at work. Neither of you have ANY idea of half of what goes on here! Did you know, Theresa, that when the washing machine broke mam threw everyone’s dirty washing out the front door in bin bags bawling at me in front of the entire street to not come back until it was clean and dry all because she couldn’t find her favourite top? Did you know, dad, that when the health visitor last came mam lied to her saying I worked full time and literally chased me out the house telling the woman I was late for work when I was only trying to go upstairs to the toilet! I had to wander the streets without even so much as a a jacket or any money in the cold and rain bursting for the loo until the health visitor had gone. You both heard her shouting at me in the church hall at Anthony’s first communion and saw her take the photo without me or Yasmin in. And at the meal before that when she left me to feed Yasmin then embarrassed me by shouting that I was wasting good money not eating my own meal because it had gone cold. It was me left to walk over a mile home carrying Yasmin and getting the boys back and ready for bed for school the next day while you all ate and drank to your hearts content. So no, you don’t need to tell me how mam can’t parent Yasmin. I’m not bloody stupid, even if I didn’t get grades as good as the rest of you.”
I can feel my face red after my rant as I take a long deep breath and drink some tea.
“Your mam is sick Megan.”
I spit my tea out and look at my dad.
“And you think that’s news to me dad?”
“No. But she can’t help it.”
I stand up furious, holding the table to steady my anger as my voice raises exactly like I hate my own parents doing to me, and which I know I’ll need to go to confession about later but yet I still can’t control myself.
“So how come she’s not like that with everyone else? How come Shaun gets treated like the golden boy, Aisling like she’s the flipping Queen of Sheba, the twins like they are untouchable geniuses, you, Theresa, like your some saint or other, and the boys like princes?
Did you even notice that this house is filled with pictures of everyone on the walls yet there’s not one single photo on any wall of me? Did you dad?”
“Your mam was so ill when you were young. You know that Megan. I’ve explained.”
I calm down, let go of the table, stand up straight and look right at my dad.
“No dad. You justified mam’s abuse that’s what you did. And now you’re justifying what exactly? What are you actually saying about Yasmin, your own daughter. Let’s hear it. Say it out loud now. What are you allowing to happen, even making happen, to your own Down syndrome baby?”
“I said it’s only temporary Megan. Just until your mam gets better.”
“Dad say it!”
“She’d be well looked after Megan. Spoiled even. Then maybe when mam feels ready she might be able to come back.”
“Looked after? Maybe when mam feels better? Might be able to come back? Dad listen to yourself. Are you saying you are putting Yasmin into foster care? Giving her to strangers? Handing her to people she doesn’t know, who don’t know her, don’t know her routines or likes or dislikes, taking her away from her family who adore her and giving her away like a piece of rubbish? I’m sorry dad. I can’t let you do that. I will NOT let you take her away. If getting mam home means Yasmin going then I’m going too. And I’ll take Yasmin with me.”
I go to walk away, adrenaline racing through every vein in my body, my anger controlling me, my love for my sister driving me. I look back at my older sister and dad sitting watching my every move.
“In fact I’m leaving tonight. Either one of you can get the boys to school tomorrow and make their packed lunches and be home for them coming in at 3:15. Tell Rory I’ll be back for his friends coming on Saturday because I’ll use that time to pack the rest of Yasmin’s and my stuff. Mam can come home any time she wants after that because her beautiful innocent special baby won’t be here to upset her and neither will I.” |
Chapter 164
Liam
Walking back to my flat my heart is heavy. My mind just can’t erase the last image of holding Megan in my arms in her kitchen while she held her baby sister, Yasmin gripping at my shirt tightly and Megan’s cheeks damp.
There was something I can’t put my finger on about the way Megan wrapped her hands around me like she needed me, a young woman usually so independent, so organised and so brilliant with Chelsea and Yasmin and her brothers. Why would she need me? I have this flashback in my mind from the day I met her unexpectedly in the library after walking in on her when she was using the toilet when she bent down to clean my mess up and I joked about being paid to pick up other peoples rubbish and she said something about always doing everything for others and not even being thanked. I remember how that stabbed at my heart so much at the time and I thought she might be in some sort of abusive relationship, even to the point of walking around her estate every night listening for signs of anything untoward happening.
Having been in her family home a couple of times now I can’t shift that sense that something isn’t right. The photos of all her siblings except her? The snippets of things she’s said about her mam, and always having Yasmin, and seeing her outside the church on her brother’s first communion walking up and down the side with the buggy alone. My own mum was far from great, drinking way too often and going through boyfriends like others go through cartons of milk, but she always took photos of me, fed me, and took me to school. I never had siblings but I can’t imagine being left to raise them while my mum stayed in bed or having to cook meals for them and all the other stuff Megan does daily. I thought it was just because her mum was in hospital but now it seems a bit more than that. Something doesn’t feel right but all I can do is be there for Megan and maybe one day she might tell me what’s really going on.
I arrive back in my flat to find mail waiting for me. I open them and place them on the coffee table in the living room while I go to see what’s in for dinner. I stick a meal for one from Lidl in the oven and go for a quick shower while it’s cooking. Despite being incredibly horny earlier seeing Megan in her shirts and t-shirt, her top clinging to her curvaceous breasts and even seeing her erect nipples rather obviously through her top, I am now totally relaxed and flaccid after my warm shower as I sit and eat the rather bland meal wondering constantly how Megan is and if she’s ok. I try texting her but she doesn’t reply. I reason with myself that she’s probably busy or hasn’t heard her phone and try watching some TV, but I can’t settle properly at all. I turn the TV off and scroll my phone to purchase ferry tickets for England but then just as I go to click purchase my battery dies and I have to plug my phone in to charge. I sigh in frustration and decide to just head to bed with a book and maybe read some more of that Bible the priest gave me on Sunday.
Stripped down to just my trunks I sit up in bed and reach for the Bible that’s sitting on my bedside table. Taking the bookmark out I once again read that Psalm that the priest prayed with me just days ago. So much of it still feels confusing but it never fails to calm my heart somehow. I read on to the next Psalm, number 24, and then the next, stopping and rereading one line in number 25 over and over.
“Relieve the troubles of my heart and flee me from my anguish.”
I say it out loud as if talking to someone in the room who is invisible thinking so much of my girlfriend and her baby sister who I feel attached to a way that tears at my heart. I’m very much in my own world, caught up fully in what I am reading and thinking of when I jump hearing a loud knock at my door. I go to check the time on my phone realising it’s on charge in my living room still. I check my watch instead seeing that it’s after 11pm. Who on earth is chapping my door at this time of night? I shout out, “Who is it?”, squinting to see out the top glass glazed panel and trying to make out who it might be. I feel a draft coming through the letter box as if whoever it is at my door has lifted it up from outside.
“It’s me, Megan. I’ve got Yasmin with me. Please can we come in?”
I call back that I’ll be right there as I race into the living room, grab my keys from the coffee table and unlock my front door to let them in. Seeing Megan standing there holding her sister, the brightly coloured changing bag over her shoulder and another bag for life stuffed full in her other, the baby bleary eyed and Megan’s eyes puffy, red, and full of tears.
I grab the bags off Megan closing the door behind her.
“Please could we stay the night? I don’t know where else to go.” I drop the bags on the living room floor as I notice Megan has tentatively followed behind me. Throwing my arms around them both I kiss them both on the head and hold them tight just as I did a few hours previously in Megan’s family kitchen.
“Of course you can stay. Both of you. For however long you want. What’s happened honey?”
I take the child from her, removing her coat and seeing she’s only in one of those all over baby things that go from their neck to their feet and pop up the front. She cuddles into me, clearly tired, as Megan’s eyes start to fill again.
“How about I put the kettle on. Let me take your coat Megan. You’re safe here now. It’s all ok. Tea?”
“Yes please”
I throw the baby’s tiny coat and Megan’s pink anorak over the back of my armchair as I carry the baby through to my kitchen, turning the light on and filling the kettle. Megan stands in my kitchen doorway, still in her shorts and t-shirt from earlier, as she starts slowly telling me what’s going on.
“Dad and Theresa came back from seeing mam. Some psychiatrist in the hospital spoke to dad and…oh Liam what have I done? I’m made a huge mistake!”
“Megan, tell me, what did the hospital say to your dad?”
“They’re going to send mam home soon. Something about a package of care and conditions of discharge. One of the conditions of mam getting home is that she hasn’t to be responsible for anyone because she’s still too sick. So she can’t care for Yasmin, or Rory, or even Anthony.”
“But you’re doing that anyway from what I’ve seen. And a brilliant job you’ve been doing too. How you organised all that today I’ll never know.”
“That’s not enough though Liam. Mam hasn’t ever looked after Yasmin properly. All my family know that. Mam would leave her in her bouncy chair for hours when she was born, then after we were given her jumperoo she’d leave her in that all day. Yes she’d feed her, and maybe dress her when she felt up to it, but it wasn’t consistent. You couldn’t trust her. But she was clever. She’d fool everyone into thinking she was fine, put on an act for doctors, the health visitor and at chapel. She’d had 8 other kids and looked after them all well so no-one suspected anything. But it was me looking after Yasmin, me feeding her, changing her, dressing her, bathing her, reading to her, taking her places. Then I got a job and mam tried to kill herself and dad and the psychiatrist at the hospital think Yasmin should go into foster care.”
I hear the kettle click while feeling helpless as my girlfriend stands crying, heavy sobs rolling down her cheeks. She steps forwards and takes her sister out of my hands as I pour boiling water into two mugs for tea and carry them through onto the coffee table. I beckon Megan to sit down with the baby but she pauses.
“Is it ok to change her nappy somewhere? I woke her from her sleep and she’d had milk before I put her down so she’ll be wet. I don’t want her lying in a wet nappy.”
“Of course. The floor ok? I can get a clean towel.”
“That would be great.”
I get a towel and come straight back as I kneel beside Megan and watch as she gently lies the baby down, unpops her clothing and undoes her nappy, rolling it and using the fastener to keep it firmly closed as she fishes in the changing bag for a small bag which she puts the used nappy in and ties it closed. Without having to think she raises the baby’s legs and uses a wipe to freshen her then slides a fresh nappy under her as I watch closely trying to see what she’s doing.
“Will you teach me how to do that honey?”
She looks at me, our faces almost touching as I long to kiss her but wonder if the timing is all wrong. Instead I gently wipe her cheeks with my thumb as I watch her eyes shine with so much care, so much love and determination as her hands still hold the baby’s ankles gently.
“You actually want to change her nappy?”
“Yes. It’s what she needs isn’t it? Megan, I care about you and Yasmin. I promise I’ll help you look after her, if you want. I love you so much. It’s so good to have you here. You stay as long as you want and need ok.”
It must have been the right timing after all as she lets go of the baby’s legs, the fresh nappy still unfastened under the baby as our lips meet like they should have done almost two months previously when we both sat on the floor in a similar way in the library toilet while we cleaned up my accident.
It doesn’t matter now though. Right now as we kiss and I hear Yasmin making contented noises on my living room floor all I know is that my anguish has flown and the troubles of my heart are suddenly relieved. My Megan is with me, her baby sister too, and we get to be together all night long. |
Chapter 165
Megan
Anger and indignation drive me as I immediately begin collecting essentials on my bed: a packet of nappies, wipes, bottles, bibs, plastic spoons and bowls, some baby grows and clothes for Yasmin, some clothes and clean underwear for me, toiletries, a few toys for the baby, and my clutch bag with my phone and purse. I grab the baby change bag and put the bottles, bibs, spoons and bowls in it on top of all that’s already there and find a bag for life to put the rest in while I call a taxi on my mobile and get a coat for Yasmin. I stand at my bedroom window waiting on the cab not wanting to even so much as look at dad or Theresa downstairs. I long to go next door to say goodbye to Rory and Anthony but it’s almost 11pm and they are both sound asleep and have school tomorrow so I daren’t wake them. The thought I won’t be here when they wake breaks my heart as I stare out into the darkness wondering if I am seriously doing the right thing.
Then something inside me stirs as I watch headlights approaching and hear a horn toot. With the baby change bag over my shoulders I leave the bag for life in the hall, go into mam and dad’s room and lift up Yasmin from her cot, making sure to grab her pink cloth as I put the cloth safe in the changing bag, pick up the bag for life and head downstairs and out to the taxi.
Sitting in the back of the car I look up at my family home, the only house I’ve ever lived in, with the living room light on making it look homely and inviting even though, for me, it’s anything but. I give the driver Liam’s address shaking in fear and cold as Yasmin wakes up in my arms disoriented and confused.
“It’s ok sweetheart. Megan’s got you. You’ll be ok.”
She cuddles in a little and I hold her close, as much for my comfort and reassurance as hers. The closer we get to Liam’s the more I start to panic. What if he’s asleep already and he doesn’t hear the door? What if he won’t let us stay? What if he’s angry with me for what I’ve done? The taxi comes to a stop and I struggle to open my purse and pay him what with the half asleep baby in my arms, the bags and the darkness. I put the change in my purse and get out as best I can. As the taxi drives away I step up Liam’s front steps struggling with my hands full trying to knock the door. I carefully put the bag for life down, balancing it between my legs and the door, as I knock the door loudly hoping my boyfriend is in and still awake. The cold air has woken Yasmin up now as she holds her head up and looks right at me. She startles at the voice shouting, “Who is it?” as I lift the letterbox up and call to Liam to say that it’s me with Yasmin.
I bend down to pick up the bag again just as the door opens. Seeing Liam I can feel the tears in my eyes as the reality of what I’ve just done sinks in. I practically beg him to stay the night as he takes the bags from me and closes the door. It’s only when I step into his living room and he holds me tight as I still hold Yasmin in my arms that I suddenly feel safe, warm and able to process all that has happened in the last hour. It’s like waking from a horrible nightmare where for a while you can’t separate reality from imagination. I close my eyes seeing Rory’s little face in the morning when he wakes to find I’ve gone, the terror on Anthony’s face when he realises the enormity of Yasmin gone too and hearing dad and Theresa telling them that I walked out and left them. I can’t stop sobbing in Liam’s arms as he tells me we can stay as long as we want.
Then he takes the baby from me, removes her jacket and mine, in an action that confirms his words that we are staying, and then he does the one thing I really need and want: he goes to make me a cuppa.
He deserves to know the truth. I owe him that much at least as I start pouring out my heart standing in his kitchen doorway as he holds my baby sister like he’s known her forever while he gets mugs ready for the boiling water. It’s not safe for him to pour a hot kettle with a baby in his arms so I take my sister back but keep talking as I watch him make the most perfect cup of tea; no sugar, a dash of milk and caramel brown in colour. I’m hoping Yasmin might cuddle in while we drink and go back to sleep for the rest of the night but if that’s the case I know I’d better freshen her up first. It’s only then I suddenly realise that I forgot the changing mat in my hurry to leave.
Liam is so understanding, so kind, so accommodating, but I don’t expect him to help with my sister’s personal care. No-one else at home ever did, not even her own mam and dad, so why should my boyfriend who has no blood ties to Yasmin? Yet when I lie her on the floor and start the routine that’s all to familiar to both the baby and myself he kneels beside me watching, genuinely interested and keen to help. Having his body so close, hearing his calm caring voice, looking right at him as he tells me he’s willing to care for my Down syndrome sister and that he loves me is like a bulldozer suddenly demolishing every barrier I’ve built around me my entire life. I get a sudden flashback as I close my eyes, seeing Liam on his knees and our faces just as close as they are now at a time when I never even knew his name but yet I still longed to kiss him. I didn’t do it then but I know I have to now.
Dropping the baby’s ankles gently I turn my head and allow our lips to come together in slow motion, treasuring every moment of love between us as our faces meet and join together as my arms raise and draw Liam closer to me. Kneeling on the floor together we hold each other close as we kiss and hug and treasure just being together in a place where we are finally alone, well apart from my baby sister who is now wide awake and lying happily blowing raspberries to herself on Liam’s towel, a fresh nappy under her still waiting to be fastened.
My knees are sore from kneeling and my back is uncomfortable as I finally let Liam go, look down at the baby and laugh.
“We’ll that’s how not to change a nappy! I don’t make a habit of stopping half way through and doing that. Usually I pull these sides in, undo these tabs here and fasten it like so. Thankfully you are patient eh Yasmin. Right let’s pop you back up missy and try getting you back to sleep. Maybe Liam might have some milk you can have. Will we ask him nicely eh?”
I watch as Liam stands up, admiring his attractive body and enjoying seeing him in nothing but his trunks. He winks at me as I pick up the baby and stand up myself.
“You mean I don’t get a kiss like that every time she needs changed? You’ve disappointed me now. But I reckon I can just about manage some milk. How would my youngest guest like it now? A mug, a tumbler or perhaps her favourite bottle?’
I can’t help smiling, properly smiling. The sort of smile that comes right from your toes to your face.. The sort of smile you can only really have when you feel safe, wanted and loved. |
Chapter 167
Megan
I can’t believe I forgot the cloth and I never even thought to wrap Yasmin up, and then that song! Of all the tunes in the world and he chose that one! How on earth did he know? I’m choked with emotion singing as the words suddenly take on a whole new meaning after the events of the evening. Plus Liam can sing! His voice sends shivers up my spine as I remember him singing the same song outside chapel to my baby sister while he sheltered me from anyone seeing when I peed on a bin bag. I feel a connection with Liam on a whole new level after singing together, like destiny drawing us, puzzle pieces fitting exactly how they were meant to be.
My tea is lukewarm but my throat is dry from the crying and singing so I drink it anyway, but when Liam offers to make a fresh mug and some warm toast I’m thrilled, the few cold pizza slices from earlier now nothing more than a mere memory. I walk with Liam to his bedroom as my heart skips when I see an open Bible lying face down on his bed. I lift it up and put it on the bedside table as I pull the duvet to the side so that Liam can put my sister safely in the centre of the double bed. He kneels over the bed, lying her down carefully between the pillows and lifting my cardigan away as I cover her again with the duvet. Liam hands me my cardigan which I immediately put on feeling chilly now in just my shorts and t-shirt at the late hour. Liam then reaches out for my hand and leads to his kitchen pulling a dining chair out for me like I’m royalty. I sit down gratefully as he reboils the kettle and pops some bread in the toaster while I huddle under my cardigan to get cosy.
The second cup of tea is even better than the original; perfect temperature, perfect strength and just the right amount of milk. The warm buttered toast feels like the supper of a queen as I bite into several slices in between sips of the tea. Liam sits opposite me watching me drinking his tea and sharing the toast. I feel like we should be talking more but instead we look at each other in a tired, thankful state of contentment. As my tea finally finishes I wonder what the time is as the flat is silent and the curtains and blinds all closed.
“What time is it Liam?”
“20 past midnight.”
“You’ve got work tomorrow. I think we’d both be best trying to get some sleep. Is it ok if I get changed into my nighty? I have one in the bag.”
“Of course. You stay here and I’ll get it for you. What colour is it?”
I yawn. “Light blue. Don’t laugh but it’s got teddies on the front. Rory chose it for me for Christmas one year.”
As I watch Liam go next door to the living room I can’t help admiring his body as he bends down to find my nighty in the bag for life. If I wasn’t so physically and emotionally exhausted I could easily spend the night cuddled into his firm chest, strong hips and muscular legs. As I’m watching his bottom wiggle as he digs in the bag in front of him I find myself wriggling on the chair too as a shiver shakes me quite unexpectedly. I’m not just tired and chilly but suddenly I realise that I really need a wee too, the events of the evening having caused such a surge in my adrenaline that it’s only now I am relaxed that I quite suddenly feel it. I wriggle more on the seat thinking that as soon as Liam hands me my nightdress I’ll go to the bathroom to pee and change into it. As if he reads my very thoughts Liam stands up, turns around and shows me my blue nighty with the teddies on.
“This the one?”
“Yes thanks. Is it ok if I go to your bathroom to get changed?”
“You don’t need to do that gorgeous! I’ll help you get ready here if you’d like? I promise I won’t get up to anything. You look so exhausted my sweetie. Let me help you.”
It doesn’t feel right to turn his offer down even if I do really need to pee so I lift my hands like a small toddler while Liam approaches me and pulls my t-shirt up over my head revealing my swimming costume beneath it still from earlier. It must come as a surprise to Liam as he takes a step back to look at my breasts and chest and stomach as I instinctively cross my legs.
“You ok?”
I’m so tired I simply nod even though it’s not entirely true. I’d be much more ok if I could pee! I unclip my shorts and step out of them as Liam puts his hands out to take them as he folds both the t-shirt and shorts and puts them over one of the dining chairs neatly. Feeling even colder than before and really wanting to use Liam’s toilet I move my hand to between my legs as I jiggle about in Liam’s kitchen. Liam turns and looks at me, his eyes shining and his election obvious in just his trunks.
“God Megan, I had no idea you had your swimming costume on under your clothes! You look…incredible! Oh goodness…you are so beautiful!”
I look at him shyly but appreciatively as I squirm more as my urge to pee continues to increase quickly. I can’t wait for Liam to ogle me in my costume or touch me or anything else that might delay me getting my nighty on and getting to the loo so I decide to ask to use the toilet right away.
“Liam…I really need the loo babe. Can I just go quickly if you don’t mind?”
“Oh lovely, of course you can. Phwoar you really do look a million dollars dressed like that you know! Can I…sorry, I know I said I wouldn’t but then I didn’t know you had on your costume and…oh Megan one day I’ll tell you why seeing you like that drives me so crazy! Can I watch you pee though please? I won’t touch you or anything, just watch. It’s like a dream come true for me you see.”
I squirm openly with a hand between my legs. Right now as long as I can pee I don’t really mind who watches me. I nod and start walking towards the bathroom, Liam following and continuing into the bathroom behind me. I turn ready to sit on the loo, contemplating removing my costume to pee but realising if I do I might wet myself, so instead I sit down and I’m just about to pull the gusset of the costume aside to relax when Liam suddenly kneels down in from of the toilet, touches my knee with one hand and then looks right into my desperate eyes.
“Could…would it be ok if…”
“What do you want honey? You’d better be quick because I’m about to burst.”
“Would you pee through your costume for me, let me feel your pee pee as it’s coming out all warm and wet?”
I don’t reply in words but instead I grab Liam’s arm, sliding in between my legs as I sit on the toilet and almost instantly feel my urethra start leaking as I feel a strong firm hand against my crotch. It feels lovely, sexy even, but different to before as not only is there a swimming costume between my crotch and Liam’s hand but a sanitary towel too. I’ve never been with Liam while I’ve worn one but there’s no time to mention it now as my bladder bursts and my vagina pours out urine everywhere, the sanitary towel quickly becoming wet through and pee seeping out between the sides of my costume all over Liam’s hand, his face glowing and blushing as he feels it all close up.
As I pee on I hear him panting quietly,
“Oh fuck this feels amazing!”, as I whisper down into his ear casually.
“And that’s with having a sanitary towel on to soak some up too.”
“Fuck! I think I’m going to cum in my underwear. Oh fuck!”
I finally feel empty and so much more relaxed, though my boyfriend is anything but as he takes his pee soaked hand out from between my legs, stands up in front of me, and pulling his trunks down he openly masterbates himself with his wet hand as I wipe myself then pull out the drenched towel and squeeze it as Liam’s cum explodes into the toilet between my legs mixed with liquid I squeeze out the towel. As we both clean ourselves and wash our hands, and I step out my wet costume, there’s a satisfied silence between us, a feeling of release we both desperately needed even if neither of us realised it until it was almost too late.
I slip on my nighty as Liam takes my hand, switching off the bathroom light as we leave the room.
“I don’t know about you Megan but I’m definitely ready for bed now.”
“Me too. It still ok to sleep in your bed?”
“There’s no other place I’d let you be tonight Megan. Night honey. I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” |
Chapter 168
Liam
I can’t believe that less than two hours ago I was reading the Bible in my bed about to go to sleep as lying Yasmin on my bed reminds me where I was just a short time ago. It feels like a lifetime ago rather than just a few hours with all that has happened with Megan tonight, though having her and her baby sister here feels like a dream come true.
Megan looks so exhausted, bless her, as she pulls her cardigan on that Yasmin was wrapped in. As soon as we’ve had some toast and tea I intend to get her tucked up in bed right away. It’s obvious she is badly in need of sleep every bit as much as the baby. Sitting beside her in my kitchen I can’t help but just look at her in wonder, her beautiful brown hair that sits just below her shoulders shining as it sits perfectly curled at the bottom, her shapely legs, her curvaceous breasts and body figure, her beautiful natural face. I’m caught up very much in my own fairytale world when she suggests getting changed into her night clothes for bed. Being a gentleman of course I immediately offer to get the nighty for her, hoping she might let me help her get changed just to be able to see a glimpse of her naked body beneath her clothes. I know she’s way too tired for sex but just seeing her will be more than enough.
As I pull her t-shirt over her head I gasp in disbelief at what she has on under it, her fitted swimming costume truly taking my breath away like I’m in a fantasy made up of all my wildest sexy dreams all at once. I desperately long to touch Megan’s body, to feel the nylon material against her skin, to hug her against me, but I respect her too much to expect sex tonight, even though my penis has other ideas, as always. Then when she casually steps out of her shorts as the bottom half of her costume becomes visible my eyes bulge at the wonder of the sight in front of me. As much as woman’s underwear is lovely nothing, to me anyway, beats seeing a natural woman in a one piece swimming costume as my hormones surge even though I’ve made a promise to my girlfriend that I won’t do anything tonight. But fuck do I fancy her! Oh my word do I want her so much! That body is so deliciously alluring and enticing!
And if that wasn’t enough she quite suddenly asks to use my bathroom, standing crossed legged and clutching herself, sending my entire body into overdrive and making it almost impossible for me to resist her. Dare I ask just one thing even though I said I wouldn’t do anything tonight? I have this sudden unexplainable fear that if I don’t act on the opportunity it might never happen again, and this has been a dream of mine ever since I went swimming with friends at 16 and accidentally came in the cubicle afterwards because when I stood in the communal showers I saw a girl around Megan’s age squirming badly and holding herself and telling her friend that if she didn’t hurry washing her hair she’d pee herself. That had already turned me on so much I’d had to turn to face the wall to hide my erection but then from behind me I heard the other girl whisper to her friend that she’d once had an accident in her costume because she left it too late but that it didn’t matter as she was wet anyway, though it meant her costume was still warm when she wrapped it in the towel to go home. While the girls giggled I had had to race to get into a cubicle urgently as just imagining a warm wet swimming costume that had been peed in in desperation caused me to cum urgently. Just thinking back and now seeing Megan squirming in front of me makes me almost cum in my underwear as I can’t stop myself from asking if I can feel her warm pee coming through her nylon costume.
I am blown away when she takes my arm and willingly indulges me but letting me feel her private area as warm urine gushes out of her quickly. It feels different to how I imagined it might be, like the nylon gusset is somehow absorbing the liquid as more pee escapes out the sides than the centre, but the mystery is solved when Megan quite suddenly shows me that she has a sanitary towel on. On my fucking God! This girl blows my mind every time. She has no idea that the thought of her using one of those to pee into has been another dream of mine for years, having sometimes even tried imagining myself how it might feel to have that sort of protection between your legs knowing you could safely leak without any danger of it showing on your clothing and how I have cum many times imagining a very desperate woman thinking she was safe to leak because she had a sanitary towel on only to realise she couldn’t stop after leaking and flooding the towel and her clothes just like Megan has just inadvertently done for me. It’s impossible to stop my body throbbing, my penis growing, my hormones surging as I slide my extremely hard dick out right in front of Megan and stroke just a few times until I cum quickly, gazing at her in lust as she removes the soaked sanitary towel and wrings it out over the toilet, her legs still spread apart and the gusset of her swimming costume much darker than the rest.
I just hope she doesn’t feel I have betrayed her by doing what I did. Sometimes I just feel my body takes over and my self control alludes me, especially when it involves Megan Murphy. I kiss her lightly on the forehead as we wash hands and I quickly pee before we head to bed, Megan finally stepping out her costume and hanging it over the bath as I get her nighty from the kitchen for her to slip on for bed.
Sliding into the double bed, the sleeping baby between us, I snuggle into the fetal position facing away from Megan, the Bible sitting on my bedside table as I feel my eyes closing quickly and sleep overtaking my body. I worry I might roll onto the baby as my last thought before sleep is like a quiet prayer, ‘don’t let me hurt the baby.’
I don’t stir at all for hours as I briefly turn in a dozed state around 4am as I roll over and gaze at the sleeping girls beside me as I drift back into a contented state of rest until I hear my phone alarm waking me on Friday morning for work. |
Chapter 169
Megan
I’m so tired that even being in a strange bed with my baby sister beside me I fall into a deep sleep quickly, waking only once as I stumble bleary eyed to the bathroom and check Yasmin is ok before getting quickly back to sleep. I wake with a start hearing an unfamiliar alarm as I temporarily forget where I am. Seeing Liam and Yasmin I rub my eyes as I immediately think of my younger brothers and wonder if they are awake yet at home and if they have noticed that I’m not there and neither is their baby sister. I wonder if dad has stayed home to get them to school, or if Theresa has, and if either of them has made Rory his packed lunch with the things he likes? Anthony most likely might make his own if he saw I hadn’t done it but Rory, being Rory, would take an empty box to school and not even realise until he opened it at lunch time to find nothing in it. I feel a huge weight of guilt on my shoulders as Liam wakes smiling at me like the cat that got the cream. I sit up in the bed cuddling my legs up to me with my arms wrapped around them wondering wether I have made a big mistake and debating returning home in a taxi so that my younger brothers have all they need for school.
“You ok Megan?”
“Just thinking about my brothers.”
“I thought as much. You didn’t leave them alone though did you? Their dad is there, and their older sister too.”
“I know. But dad has work. So does Theresa. They both leave well before the boys leave for school. What if they forget to make the packet lunches? Or Rory goes without a coat? Or Anthony forgets his bag? Or they don’t get breakfast? I should be there for them Liam. They need me.”
Liam walks around to the side of the bed where I’m sitting resting one leg beside me and steadying himself with his other leg on the floor as he wraps an arm around me.
“They’re ten and what? 12? They are not babies Megan. Besides they are not your responsibility. I know you love them, and you look after them both splendidly, but isn’t it time their dad did a bit more? Or your sister helped out more? What about your other siblings? Do you think they are worried about them this morning?”
“They don’t know though! Shaun will go crazy if he hears I ran away with Yasmin. Aisling too! Niamh and Iain might understand but there’s no point telling them is there? They haven’t been home properly in years now and I don’t see either of them coming back now. Iain said he even had a girlfriend and Niamh only comes back for the family stuff she feels she has to. Theresa is on dad’s side too. Besides she’s moving to Belfast now and the boys are finishing school for the Easter holidays today. Oh Liam! Who will look after them now? What if they get taken into care too?”
“Megan, it’s not your job to be mum to them all. They are older. I was letting myself in from school myself at Anthony’s age, making myself a snack until my mum came in if she was working and putting myself to bed when she worked in a pub for years. Loads of kids do it. And their dad is still home. Can’t he rearrange his shifts or something to be in for them a bit more. They are his sons after all.”
We both turn as Yasmin wakes, turning to look at us both smiling.
“Good morning sweetie. Did you have a good sleep in Liam’s big bed then? You are such a big girl sleeping all night aren’t you?”
I lift her onto my knee facing Liam beside me as he carries on giving me a pep talk.
“Yasmin is different. She genuinely needs you and from what you said she isn’t being looked after by her mum or dad. I’ve yet to see either of them so much as hold her, but from what I could hear on FaceTime yesterday Rory and your mum are close and Anthony sounded like he really misses her too. Yet you said she wouldn’t even want to see you or the baby. That isn’t right Megan. Even I know that’s not how it should be. God, my mum was terrible, what with a constant string on men and drinking way too much, and even abandoning me to go live a new life in Spain, but she did come visit me and she did look after me when I was young. She always wanted to see me and she took loads of photos of me growing up. Ok she kept me as secret from her new husband and kid but I was at least grown up by then. I felt so horrible that time in your living room seeing all the photos of your siblings and yet there wasn’t a single one of you.”
I look at Liam and nod. I know deep down that he’s right but the emotional tie to my brothers runs deep and the sense of responsibility is strong. There’s a moment of silence before Liam stands up suddenly.
“Right. I gotta piss babe so I better go get a shower and get ready for work. That’s if you’re sure you are ok for me to go to work? You will be here when I get back, won’t you? You’re not gonna have me come rescue you like some superhero from TV? I haven’t even got a cape you know!”
I laugh, standing Yasmin on her feet on my knee as her legs straighten and she pulls towards Liam.
“Sorry sweetheart. I’ll need to give you a cuddle in a bit. I’m dying for a pee and need a shower but I’ll give you a good hug before I leave ok?”
As Liam grabs his penis over his trunks I wink up at him.
“So do I get a good hug too?”
“Of course! Be back in a bit. You don’t want to see me piss myself…”
He races out the room then pauses just outside the bedroom doorway, tightly gripping his penis and smiling looking back at me.
“Actually maybe you do darling but we can save that for later perhaps?”
He winks then sprints away as I smile at Yasmin and climb out of bed with her. It’s hard not being with my family but exciting too. Maybe I could get used to living with Liam, at least until I work out where else I could possibly go. |
Chapter 170
Liam
It’s hard to think about my usual work routine while Megan walks around my flat with nothing but a nighty on knowing that she doesn’t even have any knickers on underneath. I always wake horny and despite ejaculating just before bed I could still very easily have sex again this morning, especially when Megan comes behind me while I’m getting dressed and wraps her warm hands around me and tickles me.
I know she’s worried about her brothers but after talking to her first thing she appears to relax a bit more and I hope at least some of what I said has sunk in. I know exactly how it feels to be abandoned by someone you love and trust but what Megan did is so different to what my mum did. She hasn’t left for another country, in fact she hasn’t even left the same town. She hasn’t uprooted her brothers to an entirely different house, having left them in their own home with their own things, and she didn’t leave them alone either as their dad and older sister are perfectly able to care for them. In my eyes she’s more of a hero than a villain, having taken a very brave and difficult decision to leave home in order to protect and care for her baby sister. I just need her to see that, and right now before I leave for work I need her, more than anything else, to promise me that she’ll be here still when I get home and not get second thoughts and go back to her family.
As I put my work coat on and tie my trainers I start to panic.
“You promise to keep in touch all day? Let me know you are both ok? Do you need money for anything? Food? Anything for the baby? Help yourself to anything at all in the flat. Treat it like your home. I’ll be right back as soon as my shift is over. I get dropped back at the council headquarters around 4:30 then I’ll be straight home.”
Megan is standing in my hall holding her baby sister still in just her nighty as it takes all the self control I can muster to not just stay and hold them both and remain home with them. The baby looks right at me as if she’s about to cry.
“Cone here the both of you. I think I can squeeze in time for one last hug.”
Holding them both is unbelievably special and lovely but it makes leaving so difficult as I kiss them both on the top of their heads and have to haul myself away and close the door before I get too emotional. Realising I have my door key in my pocket still I pull up the letterbox to call through, too afraid to open the door and see them again for fear I definitely won’t leave again.
“Here’s the key if you want to go out. I love you both so much.”
I have to jog all the way to the council headquarters to avoid being late and, unusually, I’m the last to arrive as I see the minibus waiting. I head over to be given my instructions for the day with who I am paired with and what route I am on, my mind struggling to get into work mode as I can’t stop thinking of Megan and Yasmin back in my flat. The van driver steps out the minibus and looks at the sheet calling names and giving us the route numbers. I hear Aidan’s name called along with Asif. Ryan is with Jack and I start to wonder who on earth I am with. I’m rather startled to hear I am with Rodger, only vaguely recalling him from my training days. We’re also being sent somewhere unfamiliar to me as Rodger looks at me sympathetically as I hear ‘Kilcooley Estate’ mentioned. I am beckoned into the van with Rodger as he tells me on route that he’s, unfortunately, very familiar with where we are going, and that it’s a notorious area known for its loyalist allegiance and public disorder. He goes on to say how he’s never been litter picking in the area and he’s not looking forward to it having spent weeks covering for someone since training in the bulky uplifts team.
“We drove round Kilcooley most days. Terrible place for fly tipping and constant uplifts from abandoned properties. Hope you’ve got your wits about you today mate! I hear you’ve got a week off too! Lucky sod! You got wanes at the school then getting the school holidays off?”
I shake my head not even aware that next week is a school holiday. My mind immediately thinks of Megan and her younger brothers. Will she go back to look after them with school off while I am away in England? I text her to say I’m in the Kilcooley estate just as the minibus pulls into a rough looking street and drops us off.
“You got the mobile Rog? Call if there’s any trouble. Take care! See you back here about ten past 4.”
Megan texts me back as I read her reply before putting my mobile in my coat pocket and starting work. Roger was right about his assessment of the area and by lunch time I’ve filled so many bin bags I run out of bags altogether! Rodger is on his final one too so he takes me to the local shop in the estate, which is actually just an old corrugated building at the end of a row of terraced houses, where he purchases some fags, crisps and two cans of Pepsi and a big bag of revels while I wait outside.
“There’s a small park along here. Might be a bench if it’s not been set on fire. I’ll call the van to get us more bags while we have something to eat. Here, it’s too hot no to have a drink.”
I eat my lunch made from home and drink the can Rodger bought me as I text Megan again while we wait for more bin bags to arrive. Rodger is older and very chatty and he eats, smokes and drinks while he tells me about his own ex wife and older kids that he sees most weekends.
“So if you’ve no got wanes or nought whit you doing wi a week aff next week?”
“I’m going back to England for a bit.”
“Really? You quitting like?”
“No. It’s my aunt’s funeral. Got to sort all her stuff out and that. I’m definitely coming back. Too much keeping me here now.”
“A woman?”
I show him a picture of Megan on my phone.
“Nice. Best of luck mate. Hope it works out and that. Just keep an eye on her mate. I used to work away like. Worst thing I ever did. The Mrs got restless and found herself someone else. You think they’re waiting for you and loyal and stuff but behind your back you’ve no idea what’s going on. If you take my advice it’s don’t leave her alone long. They say it’s us men with wandering eyes but honestly the woman are every bit as bad.”
I gaze at Megan photo suddenly scared at the thought of leaving her to go back to England, not just because she might return home and possibly have her baby sister taken away and be left to do everything for everyone again, but the even worse thought that she might find someone else way better than me in my absence.I text to see if she’s ok and she texts back to say she’s just heading on her way to the charity shop to see Mrs Clements and that she went to chapel to pray, but one comment at the end worries me greatly…
‘Wish I’d thought to get Y’s buggy when I left. My arms are breaking carrying her!’
The minibus arrives with bin bags but I have to text Megan back right away.
‘Please don’t go back home for it! We’ll sort something out.’
I take the bin bag as my mobile beeps again.
‘I won’t. Love you. X’
I stick the bags in my coat pocket feeling my wallet there and remembering suddenly that I still have the cash that the priest gave me in the card with the suit on Sunday! As I walk with Rodger back into the estate I casually ask him if he knows when the bank on the high street shuts.
“5:30 I think.”
“Cheers mate. Just need to pop in after work tonight.”
“No worries.” |
Chapter 171
Megan
Yasmin cries when Liam leaves and I sort of know how she feels. I’m not used to really being alone and I feel lost without the boys to get to school and a sink of dirty dishes to wash. I find myself praying out loud as I carry Yasmin back into Liam’s kitchen to see what I can find for our breakfasts.
“God please let someone look after Rory and Anthony to make sure they have breakfast and have lunches for school. Please keep them safe and somehow let them know I love them so much. “
Yasmin looks at me at the mention of her brother’s names perhaps wondering where they are. She’s still grizzly from Liam leaving as I struggle holding her while looking in the fridge and cupboards for something to eat. I go into the changing bag and dig out Yasmin’s bowls and plastic spoons really missing the high chair to safely put Yasmin in. I find a plastic jug, a cereal bowl and some milk and finally find a packet of Lidl own brand weetabix. I warm the milk and pour it over the weetabix, mushing it up until it’s soft enough for Yasmin to manage. Sitting at the dining table with Yasmin on my knee I share the weetabix with her and have a glass of fresh fruit juice too. I dig out some wipes from the baby change bag and wipe Yasmin up before heading with her to the bathroom to figure out how I get us both washed without the baby bath seat from home or anyone else to look after Yasmin while I shower. I opt for running a bath and climb in with Yasmin, choosing not to wash my hair as I need my hands to keep my baby sister safe. I dry and wrap my sister in a towel and lie her on the floor on the bath mat while I quickly dry myself. I hang the towel on the towel rail beside my swimming costume from the night before as I pick up the wrapped baby and hold her to my naked body as I head to find us some clothes in the warm living room.
Lying the baby on the towel, which is still on the floor from when I changed her nappy the night before, I get a clean nappy from the baby change bag and tip out the bag for life to find some clothes for Yasmin too. I choose a warm corduroy burgundy dress with a cream long sleeved top and pattered cream tights to match. Struggling to get them on I notice the tags say 9-12 months and I sigh.
“Oh Yasmin. I think you need some new clothes beautiful. These are getting too small for you aren’t they. I don’t even think you have anything bigger at home. Maybe we can have a wee wander later in the heart foundation shop and see if there’s anything. Mrs Clements would love to see you and that might get us out a walk. What do you think?”
Of course she just looks at me with her dark green eyes and gurgles as I stand her up to pull up the tights that now only just fit. I then lie her back down and get dressed myself, slipping on some underwear, a midi skirt and a t-shirt. I rummage in the kitchen and find a plastic bag and round up the dirty washing from the bathroom, including my costume from last night, and put the bag neatly by the wall. I then start repacking the bag for life again to keep everything together. I’m not sure yet how long we’re staying and I can’t afford to lose anything. Packing the bag of nappies, clothes, packets of wet wipes, and other odds and ends back into the bag I come across my Bible and rosary beads. I pause, feeling them and looking at them as I suddenly have a very strong urge to go to chapel and pray.
Stacking everything away while the baby is safely on the floor rolling around and playing with her own feet I think I hear my mobile in my anorak pocket, which is still hanging over the armchair where Liam left it. It is my phone but it’s only Liam telling me he’s working in a notorious area of town today that I always avoid. I text him back to be careful before looking back in the bag for my phone charger. I plug the phone in to charge then turn the TV on for a bit to amuse Yasmin. Yasmin crawls around exploring for a bit and tries to pull herself up using the coffee table like she did the last time she was here while I have a cuppa then get our coats on and I take a walk to St. Mary’s chapel.
The walk feels so much longer carrying Yasmin and the baby change bag as I avoid the entire Bloomfield estate altogether and head along towards the high street instead. By the time I finally get to chapel it’s mid morning, my arms ache and Yasmin is unsettled and wanting on the floor to move around. I try sitting her on the pew beside me while I pray but it’s impossible to concentrate or pray properly with her wriggling and whining and she could easily fall. I say a few recitals and cross myself and glance up at the crucifixion before picking up the baby and leaving. Even if Father Reilly was around I wouldn’t be able to go to confession with Yasmin with me anyway. I leave disappointed, frustrated and stressed trying to once again carry the big changing bag and a wriggly baby as I head up towards the high street again towards the heart foundation charity shop and back towards Liam’s flat.
I have to stop again when I hear my phone as Liam texts to ask if I am ok. I text back that I’ve been to chapel and that I’m now heading to the charity shop, adding in that I wish I’d thought to get the buggy when I left home last night because carrying Yasmin is so hard going. Liam replies telling me not to go home and I sigh as Yasmin wriggles in my arms again as I text back that I won’t and put my phone back in my pocket.
“Oh Yasmin, what are we going to do? I can’t keep carrying you around like this, can I? I’m not even sure I can buy anything in the charity shop for you even if they have anything because I’m struggling enough carrying you and this changing bag as it is! You might be small but goodness me you get heavy after a while. My poor arms are aching!”
Somehow I muster the strength to go again as I breathlessly push open the charity shop door finally, hearing the familiar ring of the door as I look anxiously around for Mrs Clements.
“Hello? Anyone here?”:
Mrs Clements appears from the back of the shop looking flustered and flushed.
“Oh Megan love! I think you’re my guardian angel today! I was just praying for help too!”
“What’s up?”
“I’m having some morning here all on my own! A lady called yesterday asking if we took baby things and asking if she could drop them off today. I thought it might be perhaps a bin bag of clothes or the usual toys but she came with a full car load of things! I’ve been wiping down and getting it all in the shop all morning but I just can’t fix the pram up at all. I’m long past my days of baby things and it’s all changed since my two were young. You haven’t got a minute to spare to help me have you?”
“If you’re ok to hold Yasmin I can have a look for you.”
“Thank you.”
I hand her the baby and drop the baby change bag behind the till area as I follow Mrs Clements to the back of the shop where there’s a treasure trove of items everywhere and the wheels of a pram set standing in the middle of it all. While Mrs Clements make a fuss of my sister I assemble the entourage of travel accessories that form the child’s travel system in front of me; an expensive set up of matching buggy, carry cot, infant car seat, foot muff, and matching changing bag.
“There you go. The buggy seat clicks on here and then the car seat slides on top like this. The carry cot is interchangeable too. This is some donation though! These things are so expensive Mrs Clements. You’ll get good money for this.”
“The problem is love I just don’t have the room to store it all. I’ve already put the Moses basket, baby bouncing seat, swing seat and high chair all into the shop and I just don’t have the storage back here for all of this too.”
She looks at Yasmin in her arms smiling.
“It wouldn’t be any use to this little precious one would it? I mean I know you have a buggy but are you sure you couldn’t make use of this?”
I feel the tears in my eyes as I look at the beautiful travel system which is in immaculate condition.
“I can’t afford it though.”
“I can’t sell it if I can’t get it in the shop can I? You’d be doing me a favour.”
I run over and hug my dear old friend thanking her out loud and praying a thank you to God too as I sit Yasmin in the car seat on the top and strap her in.
“I’ll get her a blanket love. She looks tired.”
“Actually Mrs Clements I was wondering if you had any baby girls clothes too. Age 12-18 months ideally. I can pay for those if you have any.”
“Oh gracious dear…I have loads of those you can choose from! Come have a wee look.”
I leave the shop pushing my sleeping sister in the most wonderful buggy ever that I didn’t even pay for with a whole bag of new clothes for her too, and even a new changing bag to match, all stuffed in the large storage area under the buggy along side the old changing bag I was struggling to carry all morning.
I can’t wait for Liam to get home to show him as I bump the buggy up the stairs outside and let Yasmin carry on napping lying comfy in the car seat all strapped in safely while I park the buggy in Liam’s hall. I go to text Liam but my phone needs charged again so I plug it in while I get myself something to eat and drink thinking once again of my brothers at school and hoping someone thought to make their packed lunches up for them. |
Chapter 173
Megan
Having somewhere to put the baby down is so helpful as I can now safely pee, wash my hands, cook and eat whilst knowing my sister is sleeping somewhere where she is safe. After the time I laid her on the sofa at home and she rolled off I am paranoid about her falling or hurting herself anywhere. It breaks my heart when she’s upset and hurt.
I wash up the lunch dishes and then sort through all the things from the charity shop, folding everything neatly and adding the clothes into the bag for life that is now bulging against the wall. I then sit on the floor turning out the bright changing bag that mam bought when Rory was a baby remembering suddenly how she told dad one day that it had to be as bright as possible because the world was now bright and wonderful with God giving her another baby, the one that would complete the family.
“The more babies you have the less people make a fuss of them so I want it to stand out. I want everyone to notice my last baby. I want him seen because he’s so wanted and special to me.”
Now, ten years later, the colours have faded and the pockets are ripped and it feels another sad reflection of Yasmin’s life that her own mam couldn’t even get a new changing bag for her new baby even though the one she had was over 9 years old, faded and torn inside. Tipping the contents out I realise just what a state the old bag is truly in as the inside lining is ripped, dirty and smelly. Right at the bottom there’s bibs that no longer fit Yasmin, one that even reads ‘my first Christmas’ which I am sure I bought, cartons of first stage ready to drink baby milk that are out of date, bottles that haven’t been cleaned out properly, dirty plastic spoons, first size nappies that Yasmin outgrew over six months ago and other rubbish that I think might have even been there from when Rory was a baby. As I go to bin everything that’s rubbish I stand over Liam’s kitchen bin pressing the lid to open with my foot as I suddenly have another flashback that upsets me. As I drop in things that are dirty, too small now or broken a tiny newborn bib floats into the rubbish as I remember when I was still at primary school seeing mam breast feeding first Anthony and then two years later Rory. I suddenly realise that Yasmin was never fed like that, always having formula and often being fed by me rather than her mam. I let the bin lid close on everything then get the beautiful new black and gold changing bag that matches the buggy and set about finally getting Yasmin her own bag with everything she needs in. It seems truly symbolic when I finally squash the old bag and squeeze it into the kitchen bin just as I hear Yasmin waking up.
Looking in Liam’s kitchen cupboard’s I find enough things to make some simple pancakes for Yasmin for lunch and enough milk, just, to get her a drink. The fridge is sparse though, and the freezer too, as I try to think ahead for the next meal. After getting Yasmin fed, freshened up and cleaned up I decide to head back out to see if I can buy anything cheap for dinner later. It’s tricky getting the buggy down the front steps, but doable, as I head in the direction of Lidl to get a few essentials. I put the bag of things at the bottom of the buggy, and checking the time on my phone, I decide to walk to St Christopher’s school to catch my brother’s coming out and check they are ok.
I stand around the corner a bit away from the crowds knowing the boys will have to walk past me to get home. As I see them both approaching me I smile seeing them in their own clothes and looking well. Rory sees me first, running up to me and hugging me.
“Hi Meg! Guess what! I got star of the week for maths! I never get anything for maths!”
“Oh Rory! That’s brilliant! I’m so proud of you! Did you get lunch ok?”
“Yes! Ant made it for me. I told Callum and Oscar about tomorrow too! You are coming aren’t you? They both loved yesterday loads!”
“Coming where?”
“Laser Tag of course! With Shaun and Lilly. Callum and Oscar are both coming too. Didn’t you book it? Oh I am so excited I can’t wait!”
I look confused and Anthony must notice as he looks at me shrugging his shoulders.
“I didn’t know about it until this morning either. I thought they were just coming over to play like yesterday. Dad went to work late this morning. He said you’d gone to see a friend and taken Yasmin but you’d be back tomorrow. I thought it might be Liam but didn’t say anything. He gave me the spare key to get in but said he’d be home as soon as he could. He said this morning that Theresa is going to treat us all to take away for dinner tonight as she’s going away for the weekend to Belfast and moving there soon. Dad asked me to make the packed lunches as he was on the phone to Shaun.”
My mind is whirling with everything. I’ve been worrying all day if the boys were ok and if they had packed lunches and everything and not only are they ok but it sounds like they haven’t even missed me! Clearly dad wasn’t as keen on Rory’s friends coming over as he let on and he’s cleverly come up with a solution that I suspect has as much to do with Shaun and Lilly wanting to look like the heroes again to my younger brothers. It wouldn’t surprise me if they suddenly take them both to ‘fun’ places in the holidays too, all the time creating the impression that they are ‘helping’ but continually making the boys think they are amazing and I am rubbish, always buying their loyalty and affection like money is all that matters in life. Suddenly the idea of going back home makes me feel ill as I hug Rory again, tell them both to have a super time at laser tag and that I’ll see them soon.
I don’t quite know when that will be right now but I don’t want either of them to know that as I wander in the complete opposite direction away from them towards Liam’s flat pushing Yasmin in her new buggy with tears in my eyes. |
Chapter 174
Liam
When the minibus finally drops us at the fountain outside the headquarters I see Rodger race into the building out the corner of my eye as I walk promptly towards the high street and the bank, very eager to get the cash paid in and then get back home to see Megan and Yasmin and use my toilet. The bank initially seems quite empty as I join the queue with just one customer in front of me. With two cashiers serving I move subtly from foot to foot trying to keep my bladder at bay but mindful of the fact that not only are there others around but there’s cameras watching me too. As I reach the front of the queue I can feel my body getting more restless as I tap my foot and fidget nervously. I must look suspiciously fidgety as I see a member of staff walk right up to me asking if they can help me. I explain that I just want to pay cash in and she leads me to an ATM machine in a corner.
“Have you used a machine to pay in before sir?”
“No.”
“It’s very simple and self explanatory really. Just put your card in, type your PIN in then follow the directions for paying in. I’ll just be around here if you need me.”
I cross my legs in front of the machine and put my card in, typing my PIN in and trying to read the options. Trying to concentrate whilst bursting for a pee isn’t easy as I uncross my legs and bounce on the soles of my feet squeezing my muscles tightly and biting my lip. I notice an option for pay in and press it then press the one for cash and feed the notes in. As the screen then asks me to confirm the amount I press one leg close against the other and lean forwards awkwardly as my urgent need to piss seems to increase by the second. Somehow I manage to confirm the amount but then it asks if I want a receipt. I have to recross my legs again knowing full well that the female staff member is watching me closely and that it’s blatantly obvious that I really need the toilet. I press for a receipt unable to even stand still at all as I take it from the machine and turn to run out.
“Sir, you forgot your card. Sir?”
I turn back, red faced, as I process what’s been said and quickly return towards the machine where the staff member has kindly taken my card out before it was swallowed back in as she hands it to me.
“Happens more than you’d think. Especially when someone is distracted by other things.”
She winks at me as my face reddens even more and I know instantly that my urgency to urinate is extremely obvious to her yet there’s nothing I can do about it. I quickly thank her and sprint out carrying my litter picker in my hand and slipping my bank card into my deep jacket pocket with the other as I anxiously hasten home towards Victoria Street and my bathroom before my muscles give out and I have an accident. My mind is hyper focused as I pay little attention to anyone around me knowing even the slightest delay could prove fatal for my body.
Standing on my own doorstep at last I automatically put my hand in my pocket for the key, momentarily forgetting that I posted it through to Megan this morning and that she should be inside waiting for me. The thought of seeing her thrills me and even though I’m sure seeing me bursting will turn her on I’m not sure I can face any further delay in reaching the bathroom so I half hope that she’s busy with Yasmin so that I can get to piss right away. I grab my crotch feeling some pee escape as I push the front door open and start hobbling down the hall, only vaguely aware of a buggy of some sort parked in my hallway as I pass.
“It’s just me love.”
I can smell something cooking but I can’t even focus on what it could be as I anxiously grab my anatomy even tighter through my jeans with one hand as I reach down to start unzipping with the other just as I see Megan standing watching me holding Yasmin in her hands at the living room doorway.
“You look rather desperate there?”
“I’ll be right with you, promise. Gotta go so so bad. Oh God…”
I just about make out her beautiful smile out the corner of my eye as I hobble towards my bathroom, unzip and fire, just making it and no more, the bathroom door wide open and my pissing sounding loud and glorious as I wonder if Megan is listening from just outside the room. I actually feel a little disappointed when I leave and find her in the kitchen stirring something in a pot on the cooker that smells amazing with the baby in her arms.
“Sorry about that honey. I had to go for hours and couldn’t wait another second.” I walk towards her and kiss her cheek as I put my hands out to take the baby.
“That smells amazing! How has your day been?”
“I have so much to tell you Liam. Hope you like chilli? How about I tell you about my day and you can tell me about yours? I’d love to hear, especially the bit about holding your pee for hours and how you couldn’t wait another second.”
Megan winks and smiles at me sexily as she dishes up two portions of rice and chilli and puts a small amount in a toddler’s plastic bowl. I look at her from behind as I sit down on a dining chair holding her sister on my knee as she dishes up the food, admiring her lovely brown hair, her shapely back, her firm bottom and imagining her bare legs under her flowing midi skirt. It’s amazing to have my girlfriend finally staying with me and I already know that before the night is done I will be showing her just how much I love her and want her. Just thinking that my long desperation at work and in the bank and the walk home might turn her on thrills me and makes my dick thick and erect and desperate again, though this time not because I want to piss badly but because I want to explode with something else from the exact same place!
Seeing more of Megan just seems to make me hornier than ever as I make a mental note in my mind to remind myself to buy ferry tickets for tomorrow before I get so caught up in hormones that it gets forgotten again. |
Chapter 175
Megan
Getting back to the flat I decide to leave the buggy at the bottom of the stairs as I put the brakes on and carry the bag of food in first. Sitting it quickly in the hall I then hump the buggy backwards up the stairs and put the food away before unstrapping Yasmin and taking her coat off. I watch her crawl and roll about the floor while I put the food away then I sit and play with her for a bit before I start cooking.
Not having a high chair to sit Yasmin safely in while I cook makes everything so much harder as I hope Liam doesn’t mind me using his pots and utensils without asking. He did say to make myself at home though as once again I think about my younger brothers and hope they are ok alone until dad or Theresa get home for them. I can feel my anger building again as I stir the mince for the chilli and measure out rice as I think about the boys going to laser tag tomorrow instead of Rory’s friends just coming around to play like I arranged. It feels, once again, that whatever I do for my family is never ever good enough. I want to scream after everything I did to make yesterday lovely for Rory. It’s like the nerf gun and water fight, food and cake and presents all count for nothing as one lousy trip to laser tag suddenly makes Shaun and Lilly brother and sister in law of the year! I can’t help thinking who exactly will bath the boys, do the laundry, cook the meals and do all the housework, and all the other mundane everyday things that get taken for granted by my family? Are they just assuming I’ll come back and all will be forgotten? Assuming Theresa finds somewhere to move to in Belfast, and mam gets out of hospital, who exactly will watch over mam all day and see to the boys while they are off school for two weeks? My dad, Mr workaholic of the year, can’t even cook a pizza without burning it so I dread to think how things will be during the next two weeks school holidays.
My thoughts are rudely interrupted when I hear the handle of the front door turning and I turn the hobs down to go and see who it is. Seeing Liam clambering in, bent forwards and holding his dick through his jeans is a sight to see and immediately my thoughts do an about turn and I remember Liam telling me how he always arrives home from work absolutely desperate for a pee because he rarely has anywhere to go at work all day. Realising this would most definitely be the case in a rough estate like the Kilcooley where he told me he’s been all day, my mild can only imagine how his body must feel.
But regardless how exciting it is to see Liam in that state, how much it sends my heart racing, I can’t afford for the dinner to burn and I absolutely can’t act on my desires with Yasmin crawling around near a hot cooker! By the time Liam comes into the kitchen tea is ready and I’m delighted when he takes Yasmin from me to allow me to dish up. I’m actually secretly relieved to be facing away from him as the image of him coming in grasping between his leg with his face flushed and all tense is making my nipples harden in my bra and the lips of my vagina swell and warm. Even with everything that’s happened today all my mind currently wants to think about is a snapshot of my boyfriend almost wetting himself!
Sitting down to eat doesn't in any way calm things either as Liam continues to hold the baby meaning I have to lean extremely close to him to get small spoons of dinner into Yasmin’s mouth. Getting a whiff of his body smell with every spoonful I give the baby only seems to increase my physical desire for Liam and his constant praise for the basic meal just intensifies things yet again. I try to keep things calm telling him about my morning at the chapel and then struggling to carry Yasmin and having to stop because the baby and the huge changing bag were too heavy to carry. I then tell him all about popping in to see Mrs Clements in the charity shop and how I had only went in to see if there was any clothes for Yasmin as her age 9-12 months things are finally getting snug. In between mouthfuls for myself and bending down to feed my sister on his knee I tell him about the huge donations of baby stuff to the charity shop, helping Mrs Clements to build the travel system and then how she insisted I take it for Yasmin.
“Ah I wondered what that was in the hallway! It looks brand new!”
I’m busy going on about the matching changing bag and how much rubbish was in the old one and how I’ve thrown it out and put everything in the new one as I see Liam smiling at me warmly as I once again give Yasmin another spoonful of food. Although she’s loving it she’s also keen to get down from Liam’s knee and I have a great difficulty reaching her mouth. As she looks to the floor I end up getting off my seat and kneeling down to reach the baby, my body now kneeling right between Liam’s legs as he opens his legs a bit more to let me get room. After finally getting more food in Yasmin’s mouth I look up to see Liam looking right down at me, his eyes sparkling with desire and his mouth parted as if he’s about to kiss me as he moves the child slightly on his knee and my eyes catch something right in my eye line. I’m now right on the floor kneeling between my boyfriend’s legs as I realise I need support to get back up. I lift my right arm up, resting it on Liam’s upper thigh, as I recognise what I am feeling instantly as our eyes meet again. Leaning down I push against Liam’s body to haul myself up as my breasts rub off Liam’s stomach and chest as I stand back up. Still holding the baby securely one handed Liam wraps his other arm around my waist pulling me in until I am now sitting on his thigh on top of where I just felt his hard penis.
He leans towards me as our lips meet, our mouths tasting the chilli from each other’s teeth and tongues as what starts as a casual kiss quickly develops into a full passionate deep embrace as I hear and feel Yasmin behind me squirming to get away. Liam eventually has to concede to her wriggling as he pulls away from me looking down at my baby sister.
“I think someone’s had enough now.”
I can’t help smiling as I take the baby from him and carry her into the living room, placing her gently on the floor. I turn back to Liam, who is now standing in the doorway finishing his glass of water, as I gaze up at his rugged physique and gorgeous eyes.
“She might have had enough but I’ve not”, I giggle as he turns back into the kitchen to put his glass down before returning to the living room and joining me on the floor as he starts playing with the baby blowing raspberries at her feet playfully and laughing. I stretch my legs out to get comfortable as Liam rolls onto his side alternating between gazing at me and playing with the baby.
“So Liam. I think it’s your turn to tell me about your day. I’m especially interested in how you ended up coming home in the state you did. From what I heard from in here you must have been needing that pee for quite some time.”
“Oh Megan! Believe me honey I definitely was!” |
Chapter 176
Liam
Dinner tastes absolutely delicious and a world away from the Lidl meals for one I’ve been living off for weeks. Megan could work as a chef, and I tell her so several times during the meal as she feeds the baby and eats herself, so effortlessly that I’m in awe. All I’m doing is holding the baby, which is the easy bit if you ask me.
I feel on cloud nine having finally emptied my bladder and the feeling of euphoria is only increased by the home cooked meal and sitting so close to my beautiful girlfriend. Hearing Megan talking about her day is incredibly special, having her company beside me, and appreciating her gorgeous bod, thrills me as the baby on my knee wriggles more with every spoonful as if it’s filling her with energy like a battery on quick recharge. The closer Megan gets to me as the baby moves the more I long to touch her and kiss her, her beauty overwhelming me and her voice sending tingles from my head to my toes. I never knew a woman could be so enticing just eating and feeding a child but Megan’s every move draws me like gravity as my body responds to my thoughts and desires.
The moment Megan gets down on her knees between my legs my thoughts go places that are very unholy and unwholesome! I have a vision of her sucking me and licking my dick and just the thought has me hard and throbbing even with a baby fidgeting on my knee. When her hand leans right at my tip I have to kiss her. God, I lust after her like nothing else! She’s talking to me about the charity shop and the new buggy but my thoughts are on something else entirely, someone else entirely to be precise! I’m glad she can’t read my mind right now, though maybe after that passionate kiss she can! My actions are no doubt saying way more than my words are, which is a relief as I have to down most of a glass of cold water as my mouth goes so dry seeing Megan sitting on the floor on her knees in my living room , her bottom right in my eye-line. If there wasn’t a young child on the floor I’d be doing things I’ve only ever seen on the internet that’s for sure!
Instead I sit down on the floor and join in playing with the baby hoping a time will come soon for my fun and games, which may just involve blowing raspberries on feet too but in a rather different way to what I’m doing with the baby. The giggles from Yasmin make me laugh though as I try to reply to Megan’s question, the glint in her eyes telling me that what I am about to say might just increase my odds of a good night with her after the baby’s asleep! I smile at her as Megan climbs over towards the bags she brought from home and pulls out a little rag type doll to give the baby. While Yasmin sits flapping, chewing and investigating the toy I tell Megan about my shift in the Kilcooley estate and how both my older male colleague and myself were utterly desperate for a piss by the end of the shift.
I then tell her about having to go to the bank to pay in the cash Father Reilly gave me in the card and how I couldn’t stand still in the queue. Seeing her eye light up and her cheeks getting more pink I carry on giving her as much detail about the tingling I was experiencing, the heaviness in my bladder, the embarrassment of the bank clerk taking me to the ATM and her watching me shuffling foot to foot, crossing my legs and squeezing my muscle as all the time I am seeing Megan’s face light up and her hands subtly edging closer to the top of her legs.
“Do you reckon the lady in the bank knew you were bursting, honey?”
“Oh God yes! Absolutely, sweetheart. So much so she even commented as much as I was leaving!”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. The idiot that I am, I walked away from the machine without taking my bank card out! Luckily she noticed and took it out for me and called me back. By this point I was absolutely dying to wee too and I could feel my face so hot when she spoke to me.”
“What did she say?”
“Just something about being distracted by other things but she winked at me and I swear she was looking right at my upper legs. She most definitely knew.”
“Oh. Was that the Barclays bank next to W.H.Smith’s? A way down the far end of the high street too?”
“Yes!”
“You had quite a walk back here then too! No wonder you looked in agony holding yourself when you got here. You must have been so desperate sweetheart!”
“Oh Megan I was! The entire walk here I kept thinking I was going to have an accident, I was going to pee myself. Then when I got to the front door I was literally dancing on the spot searching for my key before I remembered I posted it through the letterbox to you this morning. How I managed to hold all the way back here I will never know.”
“Did you leak? Even a little?”
I’m not expecting that question and I feel myself blushing as the baby almost falls over and Megan reaches her right on time. Megan pulls the baby towards her using her knee to support her as she looks at me waiting for an answer, a hand now covering her own crotch openly.
I’m so horny and I suspect that Megan is in the mood too given her sparkling eyes and where her hand is, as my hand slips over my erection under my jeans as I whisper to my girlfriend as if the baby will somehow share our secret if she heard,
“Would you like to see?”
Megan’s eyes shine like saucers as her hand unmistakably strokes her vaginal area through her skirt as she nods across to me as I unclip my belt and jeans and stand up to slide my jeans down, a damp patch still visible on the front leg of my trunks.
There’s something about showing her, watching her reaction and being vulnerable and exposed in front of her that makes me so rock hard and ready, as for the first time ever I wish the baby wasn’t here so we were free to do what both our bodies obviously want without the added responsibility of a child. My mind tells me that we really should settle the baby to sleep before anything more happens but my body is seriously struggling to wait. |
Chapter 177
Megan
There’s something so incredibly hot hearing about Liam recount his day, all that he casually drank while at work and how both him and his work colleague ended up both bursting to pee. Just imagining two men walking the streets picking up litter with full bladders knowing there’s literally nowhere they can empty them turns me on more than I ever imagined it would. I revel in every little detail from the leg crossing to the stepping foot to foot to the tingling Liam describes in his testicles and tip of his penis. Each part he shares causing my body to warm, swell and get wetter as my body and mind delight in every single word.
I imagine them both waiting on the minibus at the end of the long shift, Liam telling me how agitated and pissed off his older colleague was and how he paced up and down the street anxiously waiting admitting to Liam embarrassingly that he really had to piss. I try to imagine how this might have affected my boyfriend, who already had to go too but was trying not to think about it. How I would have adored seeing them both if I lived close by and innocently happened to look out my window. How if I’d had privacy just seeing them would have caused me to stroke my own crotch area and twirl my nipples as I would wonder if they would make it to a toilet on time or not.
Hearing how annoyed Liam was on the bus sitting tightly crossed legged trying to distract his mind from his intense need while his colleague refused to shut up about his need both amuses me and makes me so horny too. My own body screaming for attention as I try my best not to show it and masterbate to my boyfriend’s words, ever aware of the baby in front of me and the fact I can’t just grab Liam and pull him on top of me right now. My heart is breathing faster than ever, my eyes filling with lust, and my nipples growing so hard. I shuffle on the floor longing to have something between my legs to gyrate on as I continue listening closely to Liam recounting his afternoon for me. Has he any idea how much his words are affecting me? Does he realise how fucking desperate I am for him right now?
When he starts saying how the lady in the bank clearly noticed his desperation I can’t help but touch myself as my vagina throbs rhythmically against the carpet under me. When I hear of her winking and looking directly at my boyfriend’s crotch I almost orgasm just thinking how my boyfriend’s squirming might have even turned on someone else too. I can’t hold back as I slowly stroke myself as my body is now so needy and ready I know I can’t stop. But Liam still has more to share and when he offers to show me where he leaked into his underwear as he danced right outside the front door of his own flat looking for the key that I had inside I gasp and stare as my body shakes with desire and need. Not only is there still a wonderful sexy damp patch when I know his throbbing full penis was just an hour or so ago now but his huge erection tells me that he’s just as ready and in the mood as I am!
I ogle his crotch admiringly as I hold Yasmin steady with my lower leg and stroke between my legs with my hand. With my hands trembling, my pussy pounding and my body sweating I pull myself up to standing, pick up the baby and grab Liam’s hand. Panting in urgency for sex with the man who has taken me to the place of no return just by telling me about how badly he had to piss for hours and showing me where he even leaked a little, I sit Yasmin in her new car seat on the buggy frame, strapping her in quickly and handing her her little rag doll as I pull the brakes off and wheel the buggy into Liam’s room only just leaving room for Liam to squeeze past. As romantic as it might be to have Liam slowly undress me my body refuses to wait as I slip my skirt and knickers off hurriedly and pull my t-shirt over my head as I see Liam pulling his shirt off the same way for speed and stepping out his trunks. I unclip my bra throwing it casually and laughing as it lands right on the car seat and my baby sister grabs it to play with. Knowing I can still see her and that she’s safe I jump onto the bed naked as Liam jumps on right after.
A simple, loving, and deep kiss is all we have time for before our bodies easily join one another in a frantic but wonderful way as I climb on top of Liam and slide over him easily, both of us more than ready and eager to go as I think of him bursting for hours and holding his bladder as I quickly climax, not once but twice, as Liam allows me to lead and take his body at whatever pace I want. Seeing his facial expressions and feeling his body only confirms to me that he’s more than happy with what I am doing as I see his mouth open again and his head go back as he moans quietly in such a similar manner to how I imagined he would be when he finally got to piss after holding back so long.
Just the thought that I might be here again when he gets back from work bursting another day sends shivers right through my body as my own body slowly calms from orgasm as I turn to lie on the bed beside my naked boyfriend, feeling content and fulfilled but heartbroken at the thought of him leaving the next day for England.
As we both lie there looking at each other in gratitude and contentment I sigh as I stroke Liam’s face.
“I wish you didn’t have to go to England tomorrow. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”
“Megan, come with me, please. You and Yasmin. What’s keeping you here now? The McGintley’s are on holiday and you’ve left home. I’ve looked at the ferries and there’s two a day, one in the morning and one overnight. Even if you want to be home for Rory’s friends coming tomorrow we could get the overnight one. The money Father Reilly gave me that I paid into the bank earlier should cover 2 return tickets. Please say you’ll come.”
I look at the man facing me thinking of all he means to me and the way he has not only welcomed me into his home but my baby sister too then think of meeting my brothers earlier outside the school.
“I saw Anthony and Rory today. I walked Yasmin to St. Christopher’s to meet them. Turns out Shaun and Lilly are taking the four boys to laser quest tomorrow now so I won’t be going home after all. If you really mean it I’d love to come with you.”
I look over at Yasmin waving my bra in her hands cooing away then catch sight of the Bible on the bedside cabinet by Liam.
“I think someone is looking out for us Liam. What with getting that buggy for Yasmin today. It’s like it was meant to be, don’t you think?”
“I couldn’t agree more. Sort of like green pastures prepared just for us.”
I look right into his gorgeous eyes, smiling.
“Like sometimes our most desperate situations lead to our most beautiful moments.”
He winks at me smiling that heart melting smile of his.
“I’ve no idea where you heard that Megan but it’s absolutely perfect, don’t you agree?” |
Chapter 178
Liam
I can’t explain how humbling, exciting and immensely arousing it is to watch Megan as I continue to share with her how desperate I was earlier in the day to piss. I knew she loved seeing me bursting but realising that just simply describing it also seriously turns her on is unbelievable and magical. Imagining how wet her vagina is, how hard her nipples might be, how warm her body is getting, all turn me on very quickly too as just watching her eyes change from casual everyday looking around to gazing at me in lust and wonder makes me feel like the sexiest man alive. The sexual atmosphere only gets more enticing and tense as I strip my jeans down and show off what’s left of the damp patch on my trunks as I know just by looking at Megan that neither of us can wait until the baby is in bed to take things further.
When she takes my hand I can hear my own heart thumping as the reality of what is about to happen ignites my body with such passion I can feel precum about to shoot down my long erect penis. If things don’t progress quickly I fear I might explode way too soon as my body is so ready I can barely get my shirt off quick enough! Seeing Megan’s naked beautiful body sends my hormones rocketing as I climb onto the bed beside her willingly.
I know I won’t last long and thankfully Megan isn’t disappointed as I lie back and allow her full control. I love surrendering to her completely and she doesn’t disappoint as she slides on top of me and drives me wild hearing the moisture squelching between her legs and feeling the heat of her body swallowing my dick and riding it fast. It happens quickly for us both, though it’s beautiful and wonderful and perfect. There’s no way on earth I can go a full week without experiencing this again and as we relax together naked on the bed catching our breath I feel the time is finally right to ask her to come to England with me. She’s a part of me now and I need her like I need oxygen as I almost cry when she says yes!
Yet I still very much feel her sadness, her heartbreak, when she tells me about the change of plans for her brothers and how her family appear to be excluding her already just a day after she’s left home. It sounds so unfair, cruel even, and yet the woman beside me just carries on caring and loving her family anyway. I’m in awe of her strength and courage but I’m also worried as the more she tells me about how life was for her at home the more my heart breaks that I didn’t realise sooner and help her.
Yasmin brings us both back to reality as she starts crying as I notice she’s dropped her little doll. I climb off the bed and put my trunks and jeans back on as I need to ask Megan’s help in working out how to get the baby out the car seat. Megan has her clothes back on now too as she shows me how the clips work and I lift the child out and get her doll. I carry her into the kitchen and one handedly start putting the dinner dishes into the sink ready to wash. Megan hasn’t followed me so I go to find her and see if she’s ok. I see the bathroom door closed so return to the kitchen and start soaking the dishes in warm water while the baby cuddles in and rests her head on my shoulder. Megan returns taking the baby from me and getting her ready for bed as I wash up and tidy up the kitchen before putting the kettle on. Megan pops in with the baby to get some warm milk and by the time I take two mugs of tea out to the living room Megan has Yasmin almost asleep in her arms while she sucks contently on her bottle.
I snuggle beside my girlfriend while we drink our tea and the baby falls into a deeper sleep before Megan gets up to put her in the bed while I pull the buggy back into the hall and then use the bathroom. Snuggled back on the couch relaxing I search StenaLine on my phone and check the times of ferries to Liverpool. With only two per day I turn to face Megan to see what she thinks.
“So there’s the 10:30am departure which gets you to England at 6:30 in the evening or the 10:30 evening ferry and travel overnight arriving at 6:30 in the morning.”
“Wow. I had no idea it took so long.”
“Me neither until I got on the day I moved here. It’s like a hotel though with shops, a cinema, a restaurant and lounges. Look you can even get rooms too. I stayed in the basic lounge the time I was on it. Didn’t sleep much but it was comfortable enough and quiet as they don’t let kids in.”
“What about Yasmin though?”
“According to the website they say families should book a cabin. Mmm I guess that will be extra.”
“Then we still need to eat too. And can you hire a cot? I’m worried about the cost of it Liam. If it’s too much I’ll just stay here in Ireland with Yasmin. Where will we even stay in England? How would we get from the ferry to there too? I have a back to work bonus I got for £150 a few weeks ago and my wages but if I’m not going back home I need that for rent for somewhere.”
“We can stay at my aunt’s so that’s that sorted. And Gareth said he’s arriving Saturday morning so if we need a lift from the ferry he said he’d help. And please don’t think about rent Megan. Stay here with me. Now let me see if there’s any offers on and see what the prices are. Look you can hire a cot for free and there’s facilities for heating baby food too. Right I’ll provisionally click the evening one, two adults, one infant, Saturday 18th April, return….oh staying a week takes us to Easter weekend. That’s looking more expensive so I’ll try the Thursday before. That’s better. Right add a cabin..double room is dearer but let’s just see, oh would you want breakfast? I’ll add two and we can always take it off…total cost for us all, return tickets with a cabin both ways, and doing both journeys overnight plus breakfast both times is…£196! Oh Megan! I’ve just paid £200 cash in to my bank from the priest, so what do you think?”
“You sure we can stay at your aunt’s for free? And Gareth can definitely pick us up?”
Yes! Yes! Oh please say you’ll come!”
“I’ve never left Ireland before, Liam. Ever!”
“There’s always a first?”
“What about Rory and Anthony?”
“You wouldn’t be home anyway would you? Shaun and his wife seem to be doing a fine job of taking over tomorrow so surely they can help out more? And what about the other siblings? Surely your dad can get time off work? They can’t expect you to look after them all the time? And Anthony is 12. Surely he can look after himself a bit now too?”
“I guess Aisling and Harrison could maybe help? I don’t need a passport or anything do I?”
“You’ve got I.D don’t you?”
“I’ve a photo driving licence if that’s any good?”
“Perfect. Right I’m going to book this before you change your mind, ok.”
“Liam…how do we get to Belfast to get the ferry?”
“Bus? Train? Taxi? It shouldn’t be too much surely?”
“Taxi would be but bus might be ok. Right ok. Go for it. Oh God Liam I can’t believe this time tomorrow we’ll be on our way to England.”
I’ll just book it all now. Thank you Megan. You’ve no idea how happy I am that you and Yasmin are coming too.” |
Chapter 179
Megan
On Saturday my mind is all over the place, one minute excited the next stressed. I haven’t been on a family holiday for years let alone left the country. Going somewhere I’ve never been, leaving my family, taking my Down’s syndrome sister away with me, having to trust a man that just a few months ago was a total stranger…it’s all so much to take in. I use my phone to write lists, just like my mam, after breakfast as I start thinking about everything I need to pack: nappies, wipes, clothes, bottles, food and toiletries for the baby, clothes, personal things, toiletries and snacks for myself plus all the stuff Liam wants to take too including the suit Father Reilly gave him and the shoes that mysterious got delivered earlier in the week. Then there’s paperwork; I check my purse for my driver’s license but I have no ID at all for Yasmin. What if she needs it? My head starts panicking as Liam tries reassuring me time and time again, reminding me that England is still part of the U.K. and that I can easily buy things there too.
I’m in the middle of making piles of clothes on the floor of the clothes for Yasmin from the charity shop and things of mine I brought from home as Liam plays with Yasmin when I hear my mobile buzz with a text. Liam hands me my phone and I can’t help smiling at a photo from Liz of Chelsea sitting in her wheelchair in their van smiling and holding a toy plastic snake that I put in the party bag on Thursday. I text back telling them to take care and have a brilliant holiday and that I miss them already. I go back to counting the outfits for Yasmin when Liam interrupts me.
“Is it just me or does this little one need changed?”
“Oh goodness me, yes! Yasmin Martha Murphy, what have you been doing?”
I grab a towel and lie my sister ready to change her as Liam shocks me by offering to do it for me.
“You serious?”
“Why should you have to do it all yourself? That doesn’t seem fair to me.”
I let him help by handing me all I need and disposing of the dirty items, though I am very touched that he’s willing to care for a baby that isn’t even his.
“That was the McGintley’s texting. They sent me a photo of Chelsea to say goodbye. They are away to Scotland for the Easter holidays.”
“You should have told them that you’re off to England too.”
“I didn’t think.”
“I wish it wasn’t because of going to a funeral you know. I really wish you were meeting aunt Ella. She really would have loved you so much. Oh and she’d have loved you too Yasmin. She loved kids. She always wanted her own but just never met anyone.”
“I really am sorry about your aunt Liam. Here I am getting stressed about going away when you’ve just lost your aunt. I’m so insensitive. Sorry honey.”
‘Don’t worry sweetheart. I promise you it will be ok. So what’s the plan for today? Do you want to go back to your house for anything you need?”
“Probably. I only have a few skirts and tops and a pair of leggings and some socks and underwear. Absolutely nothing I can wear to a funeral. I’m thinking of maybe seeing if I can find Yasmin’s birth certificate or anything like that just in case we need it too. I’m really not sure when would be best though. Rory’s friends were meant to be coming at 11 but I’m not sure if that’s changed what with them going to laser quest now. And I assume dad will be at the hospital. Theresa is going away today to Belfast to stay with a friend while she looks for somewhere to rent. I think I’d rather go when everyone is out.”
“That sounds wise. So it’s just after ten now. I noticed you bought bread and milk yesterday. Thank you. Does this little sweetie need anything for lunch or dinner? I have just been buying as I need and using up stuff from the food bank.”
“Yasmin needs nappies and some wipes too maybe. And some baby meals, and probably some milk for the journey.”
“What about we head to Lidl then and then we can walk down to your’s? I don’t want you going home yourself.”
“Sounds perfect. I’ll see if there’s a backpack I can use at home too for all this stuff too.”
It doesn’t take long to get organised as Liam lifts the new buggy down the stairs and he even pushes it with my sister in telling me over and over how easy it is to push and how comfy Yasmin looks facing him in the car seat with the blanket over her that Mrs Clements gave her from the charity shop. I pick up some essentials in Lidl and put them in the basket under the buggy and then we walk on together towards the familiar Bloomfield estate I’ve lived in all my life.
“This places suddenly seems quite luxurious you know, after being on the Kilcooley estate yesterday. That was an experience for sure.”
“True. Dad always said we should be thanking God for where we lived because other people had it much worse than us. Was hard to see that growing up though in such a small house with so many of us, but it just goes to show you don’t need to go far to see other’s worse off than you are.”
“Very true. I can’t believe how quiet it is here this morning. It’s a nice morning too.”
“Tomorrow is the start of Holy Week. This will be my first ever year not being here for that. It’s as big as Christmas for Catholics really.”
“I didn’t even realise.”
We carry on chatting but suddenly as we turn into Woodburn Close I freeze as something catches my eye as I grab Liam’s arm making him stop dead in the middle of the pavement.
“What’s up?”
“The car. The house isn’t empty. I think dad’s home.” |
Chapter 180
Liam
I wish now that I hadn’t suggested about Megan going home to get some more things. Standing in the middle of the pavement as she grabs me I stare at what I assume is her dad’s car; an innocuous dark grey ordinary family four door saloon parked outside number 25. I turn to look at Megan, her pink cheeks now pale and her lips trembling. There’s absolutely no way I am letting her go in alone.
“Do you still want to go in? We can leave it if you want.”
“But I haven’t got anything to wear to your aunt Ella’s funeral. We’ve walked all the way here now and tonight I’ll be on a ferry leaving Ireland so…”
“I don’t want you going in alone Megan. I know it’s your own family but you didn’t part on good terms did you? I’ll come in with you then we can get what you need quick and leave. You can do this. You are braver than you think.”
She does start walking again but I can tell she’s scared. I push the buggy down the short garden path as Megan knocks her own front door and tentatively pushes it open.
“Hello? It’s just me. Megan.”
I look at the front steps thinking it might be easier and quicker to just carry the baby in than lug the buggy in so I lift the blanket and unstrap the baby just like Megan showed me last night. I have Yasmin in my arms standing right beside Megan just as the door opens and an older tall man looks down at us both.
“Oh so you’ve come back have you? Did Aisling call you then?”
“No-one called me dad. I’m not staying. I just need some things please. Can I come in?”
“Of course you can. But don’t dare disturb your mam.”
“Is she home?”
“I just got back with her about half an hour ago. Look, come in, but whatever you do keep quiet. My Mary Catalina is having a well earned nap in her own living room.”
Megan steps in as it looks and feels like the door is about to be shut in my face even though I am holding the man’s youngest daughter in my arms. Instinctively I step up onto the top step and place my foot inside blocking the door from closing. The man eyes me suspiciously despite the fact just two days previously I was happily sitting in his kitchen for his son’s 10th birthday party.
“She living with you then? You do go to chapel, right?”
I smile and look directly up at him.
“Yes I do. I read the Bible every night as well. I was just in Father Reilly’s house after service on Sunday too. I’m not here to cause trouble Mr. Murphy. I’m just here to help Megan carry her stuff, that’s all.”
The door opens properly and I step inside still feeling his eyes on me heavily. The living room door is half closed over, quiet music playing in the background, as I look upstairs wondering if I dare go up to check on Megan. Quietly I turn to look up at the stoic tall man whose face is old looking yet strong and determined. He raises a finger to his mouth indicating for me to be quiet as his eyes move towards the stairs indicating that I have his permission to go up. I give him a nervous smile and quietly climb the stairs carrying Yasmin, who I realise he hasn’t even so much as glanced at never mind spoken to. I hold the baby tight, as if somehow trying to protect her from the hurt I think she might feel, as I reach the top of the stairs and look all around for Megan.
The doors of all the rooms are open and I notice the small family bathroom, a cramped bedroom with bunk beds in and pink flowery wallpaper on the walls, a dark room next door with the curtains drawn that appears to be the largest bedroom, and then another small bedroom behind me with blue painted walls and another set of bunk beds in. Standing silently I search for Megan with my eyes as I see her behind a door in the pink wallpapered room. Stepping into the room she comes out from behind the door of what must be some sort of built in cupboard. She hands me an old looking backpack which I attempt to open one handed while she opens drawers and puts in some clothing and some bits and bobs from around the room. Yasmin is starting to get unsettled and Megan tries to soothe her as best she can looking worried and anxious. It feels like we are shoplifting or something even though I know this is Megan’s own things, so much so that I can’t wait to leave the house and feel I can breathe again.
Yasmin begins whimpering so Megan takes her sister and I zip the bag closed and carry it downstairs with Megan behind me. At the bottom the door to the living room is still ajar with Megan’s dad standing guard in front of it as if even so much as seeing inside is forbidden. I reach to open the front door and as I do the man reaches out to grab my arm, wrapping his right hand around my wrist as he looks right at me and opens his mouth to speak.
“So I’ll see you at chapel during Holy Week shall I?”
There’s an undertone, a sort of threat, to his mannerisms and words as if trying to catch me out from saying earlier that I went to chapel and met with Father Reilly. I swallow a lump before shakily answering.
“I leave for England tonight unfortunately. My dear aunt Ella passed away and it’s her funeral on Monday.”
I stare at him feeling my answer wasn’t quite acceptable and like he’s some sort of headmaster about to give me a detention.
“Dad leave him alone. Please.”
Her father lets my hand go, much to my relief, but then Megan says something as I turn to look at her holding her baby sister as my jaw drops open and my heart rate soars.
“I’m going to England with him dad. Yasmin is coming too. The question is wether we’ll come back after the funeral. I don’t mean come back home here because I think we both already know that won’t happen. I mean wether we’ll even come back to Bangor or even Northern Ireland. Look after the boys please and tell them I love them both very much. Bye dad. I hope mam gets better now. I really do.” |
Chapter 182
Liam
It takes until we are half way back to my flat before I calm down fully from what happened at Megan’s. My mind is a mess wondering if Megan was beaten or abused at home and while I’m relieved to hear things weren’t quite as bad as I feared I still feel terrible about how controlling her father was, and appears to still be. At least she’s away from there now, as is the baby. It also explains why Megan, the sweetheart that she is, is so worried all the time about her younger brothers too. Taking the buggy inside after I’ve taken the backpack and bag from Lidl in I realise just how much stuff a child needs and although I adore Yasmin, which I never expected to happen, I also wonder if my flat will be adequate if Megan and Yasmin now move in permanently.
I don’t mention anything though over lunch as we have enough to be thinking about getting Yasmin down for a nap and packing to go away. While Megan settles the baby to sleep I dig out my own bag that I brought over from England and put in everything I need from my room before Megan puts the baby on the bed to sleep. Placing the new black shoes at the bottom of the holdall I once again wonder who bought them for me and why as I place a carrier bag on top of them before neatly folding the shirt and suit from Father Reilly and packing them too. I’m just putting the last of my things in, including the small Bible, when Megan comes in holding a sleeping child in her arms. I place the holdall on the floor and pull the duvet back to let her get Yasmin in the bed. The baby looks tiny lying alone in a big double bed as I comment as much to Megan.
“She disappears in that big bed. Is she even as long as my pillow?”
Megan places the duvet on Yasmin lightly then climbs off the bed and looks at me.
“She’ll always be small Liam. It’s part of her condition. It’s also why her nose and ears are small too, why her eyes slant upwards and her face looks flat. Her head, hands are feet are tiny too. She’s doing great but when you see her next to other babies her age you really notice it even more. It’s why mam never takes her anywhere except chapel, and even there she refuses to let her go to the crèche with the other wee ones. Dad and mam had someone come to the house after she was born to talk to them about her syndrome. Mam fell apart afterwards and dad just worked more and went to chapel more. I found all the leaflets and read them all before they got binned. To me she’s just my sister, but then I do sort of understand that for my parents it’s hard to hear that your baby is different. I think mam actually understands more than what her doctors think. Yasmin wasn’t well right after she was born too which made it even worse. She had one chest infection after the other and mam went to pieces especially when the doctor said she might be sick a lot as babies like a Yasmin often have a weak immune system. I though it was the chest infections making Yasmin so behind other babies but then I read all the leaflets and…well it’s a lot to take in.
I don’t really think about it much but a few weeks ago the health visitor came to see mam and gave her some leaflets for places to take babies. Mam promised her she’d think about taking Yasmin to them, but of course she couldn’t face it. Then when she was going out for the day to get stuff for Anthony’s first communion she left Yasmin with me and told me about this rhyme class for babies in the library. Yasmin loved it but even I could see that babies months younger than her were walking and saying words and so much bigger than her too. It really brought it home how different she is. It has its advantages though..she’s only just moving into 12-18 month old clothes now at almost 16 months and still fits in that first size car seat easily. She’s lighter than other babies too which makes pushing her easier.
I need to be honest with you though Liam; she’ll need a lot of support and help all her life. The leaflets said she’ll almost certainly have learning difficulties, social struggles, speech delay, and low muscle tone is already affecting her with not saying words yet and only just pulling herself to stand up. I suppose in a way dad thinks he’s doing the right thing by giving her to people that have the money and ability to truly meet her needs. Mam is never going to do that because she’s too ill herself. I want to, but the big question is can I do it? I mean I’ve just taken her out the only family home she’s ever known and ripped her away from her family. Hardly the best start to showing I have the ability to meet her needs now is it?”
“You are bloody amazing with that baby Megan! It astounds me how you know what she needs and you can stop her crying and make such great meals for her. She adores you, and rightly so. And you only took her away from her home because she was going to be taken from it anyway. You are actually protecting her and keeping her safe. You know her more than anyone and you refuse to abandon her for anyone or anything. That’s a hell of a lot more than what my own mum did for me. That’s true love Megan, and you are one incredible woman. Incredible and very brave. I love you so much.”
“I love you too Liam Jude. Now how about you make me a cuppa while I pack Yasmin’s and my own stuff. You can let me know if what I picked up from home is ok for the funeral too when you get a minute.”
“On my way.”
I look over at Yasmin sleeping and smile.
“At least one I’ve only got one woman nagging me for a bit. I secretly love it Yasmin but don’t go telling your sister when you wake up ok?” |
Chapter 183
Megan
I sit on the floor drinking a mug of tea while I fill the backpack with some clothes for myself and then plenty for my sister. I check the changing bag and add in some extra small toys and top everything up. There’s room at the top of the backpack for other things I might need last minute and by the time I’ve finished my tea I am zipping the bag closed and carrying the empty mug through to the kitchen.
Liam is sitting in the living room watching TV as I sit beside him and ask what time we need to leave tonight. Checking his phone he suggests getting the bus around 9pm so we are at the port in plenty of time. As he puts his phone back on charge and sits back down I snuggle into him and dose for a bit after a very eventful few days. I wake to the sound of Liam’s mobile ringing as I listen to him talking and try and play detective to figure out who it might be. Whoever it is knows about his return to England but doesn’t know when he’s leaving as I pretend to watch TV whist all the time just eavesdropping on my boyfriend’s conversation.
Finally Liam comes off and I look at him eagerly.
“It was only the minister of my aunt’s church honey, the one doing her funeral on Monday. He was just checking when I will be arriving in England as he’d like to see me before the funeral, understandably. He’s going to pop round to my aunt’s house after his service finishes on Sunday morning. I told him I’d be staying there, which he was pleased about.”
I nod and I’m about to snuggle back into him when his phone rings again. Liam looks at me apologetically as he goes back to pick up his phone again. This time I guess by how familiar he’s being, and how animated and happy he appears, that it’s his best friend Gareth. My suspicions are confirmed when he tells him when the ferry arrives in England tomorrow morning and then smiles at me as he adds that he won’t be travelling alone and his girlfriend and her baby sister are coming too. I guess that Gareth is pleased at this news from the huge smile Liam gives me. I check on Yasmin in the bedroom and use the bathroom and by the time I return Liam is back off the phone and sitting in the two seater couch beckoning me to sit beside him. We snuggle and dose on and off until I hear Yasmin making happy noises in the bedroom and I go and fetch her. Sorting her out I then leave her with Liam for a bit while I get some dinner for us all from what I bought in Lidl. Liam brings the baby into the kitchen while I’m cooking as I wonder out loud to my boyfriend about how mam is doing at home, how my brothers might have reacted on seeing her after coming back from laser quest with Shaun and Lilly and how the boys will be when they find out I am away to England.
“In the space of a few weeks, Liam, those two boys have had their mam try to kill herself and being rushed to hospital, their older sister Theresa moving out to Belfast, and now me taking their baby sister and leaving home. I’m just thinking it will be the quietest the Murphy house has ever been since our Shaun and then Aisling were born! If they wanted they could have something no other Murphy child has ever had..their own rooms!”
Liam sits behind me with Yasmin on his knee as I dish up tea for us all, which kind of feels like a last supper except 5 days early. He’s been quiet for a few minutes but as I pour out drinks and sit down I realise he’s been thinking about my brothers too.
“Do you think they are safe at home Megan? What with your mum home now?”
As I blow on Yasmin’s food to cool it down before offering it to her, I wait a second before answering.
“Yes. I think so. I expect the hospital have some sort of care plan in place and mam really dotes on the boys. She is a good mam, well at least she tries to be. My biggest concern will be who will do all the boring necessary stuff while mam gets better. Dad doesn’t even know how to turn the washing machine on or change a bed and his cooking skills are terrible. But knowing dad he’ll have been on the phone to Shaun and between them they’ll have yet more rotas of who is watching the boys and when. Dad is a huge fan of Easter. He says it’s the most important time of year so he might have taken some annual leave for Holy Week like he often does. What happened today with dad is honestly the first time I’ve seen him get physical. It just feels like everything and everyone has changed since Rory’s birthday on Thursday. I just wish I knew why.”
The rest of the meal we eat mostly quietly, lost in our own thoughts. When we’re finished I take Yasmin into the living room and Liam washes up. I’m sitting on the floor playing with Yasmin when my own mobile rings. It’s Shaun checking that I know mam is home and telling me how the boys had a blast at laser quest and are already asking to go again, but then comes the real reason why he’s calling.
“That’s all great Meg but you know we all have a responsibility to each other, siblings to siblings. Us Murphy’s stick together, you know that. Dad said you’d moved out. Why? You do know you won’t be able to rent anywhere only working part time? No landlord will take on someone like you whose just come off benefits too. And I hear you took Yasmin? What are you? Crazy? You can’t just steal someone’s baby and decide you can do a better job! Mam and dad are great parents Meg. Surely you can see that? And don’t go telling me some story about them giving Yasmin away and that you can care for her better than they can and you know better. How insulting is that! I actually can’t believe how selfish you are acting! We all need to rally round now and get mam better. You know what that means and you know what I’m about to say. So when are you coming back home?”
“What! Why would I come home and bring Yasmin back and let mam and dad put her into care? It’s none of your business where I am staying now or how I pay my way. So it’s ok for you to move out, and Aisling, and the twins can move away for university. Even Theresa can move to Belfast, but I have to stay to look after my brothers and do all the house stuff and care for mam? Really?”
“Aisling and I got married Meg! For heaven’s sake! The twins are taking their education seriously to get good jobs and better themselves. Theresa has been offered a promotion. You haven’t even got a full time job! Who are you going to dump your sister on when you work eh? Who? And you think that makes you a better person to look after a disabled child than mam and dad who have successfully raised 8 of us before Yasmin? I’m asking you nicely to do the right thing here, to come home, bring Yasmin home where she belongs and let her own parents decide what they feel is best for her. You have no bloody idea the hoops dad and I jumped through to get mam back home and there’s no way I’m going to let you ruin everything and have her taken back to that prison of a hospital because you are acting like a spoiled brat and thinking you know best. Just come to chapel tomorrow like normal, bring Yasmin too. It’s Palm Sunday and we can all sit together as a family and celebrate Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem and mam getting out of hospital at the same time. Then you can walk home like you always do and we’ll forget all about this. I’ll see you tomorrow!”
He hangs up before I can say anything as I sit there on Liam’s living room floor watching my sister sitting playing as silent tears run down my cheek. |
Chapter 184
Liam
The afternoon had went so well too and after talking to Andrew Watt in Chester and then Gareth my mind was focused on us getting safely to England overnight, getting picked up and driven to my aunt’s house and all the arrangements for Monday. I heard Megan’s mobile but to be honest my mind was on so many other things I wasn’t even listening. I dry my hands on the tea towel and get such a shock to see my girlfriend sitting on the floor sobbing, her baby sister crawling around without being supervised. I pick the baby up and sit on the floor beside Megan and put my arm around her, holding the child in my other arm. I have no idea who phoned her or what was said and the obvious question of ‘what’s up?’ just feels too insensitive right now, so I sit there silently while my heart aches for the woman I love.
Slowly, through tears and coughs and splutters she confesses it was her brother Shaun, the very man who happens to be my boss at the council. My experience of him so far has been firm but fair, and he did show compassion when I told him about my aunt’s death. However, I do recall him during the training days being quite exasperated that my drivers license still had my aunt’s address on and being very firm with the trainees about working through the training without breaks, even to go to the toilet. I’m desperate to ask what on earth he said but Megan is struggling to make sense as her breathing is laboured as she continues to sob deeply. I hold her into my chest hoping this at least brings her a little comfort as I reach into the nearby baby change bag and pass her some wipes for her nose.
We sit like this on the floor for what seems ages as the baby thankfully sits in my arms quietly. Eventually Megan is calm enough to talk as she tells me the gist of what was said to her by her brother. I’m finding it hard to take in as I’m not sure what my predominant thoughts and emotions truly are: anger, hatred, disgust or contempt for Shaun or heartbreak, despair and defensiveness towards Megan? One thing I do know for sure though, and that is that I do not want Megan or Yasmin to return to a family who think it appropriate to threaten, control and abuse like this. I desperately want to promise Megan that it will be ok, exactly like she did the time she found me at the side of St. Mary’s after a panic attack, but it just doesn’t seem right. It’s a promise I know I can’t keep. Keen to somehow make things better and fix things my mind begins racing with ideas of what to do.
“Do you want me to call him?”
“And say what exactly Liam?”
“Tell him you’re staying with me and so is Yasmin and that you are both coming to England with me tonight? Tell him to stop calling you? That you have a right to live your own life and he doesn’t own you? Remind him you are 22 not 2! Tell him to fuck off?”
Megan looks at me, her eyes red raw with tears and her cheeks streaked as a result of crying so much. In a whisper, that is as much through fear and intimidation than anything else, her words cry out to my heart through her pain,
“Maybe it would be better if I just went home.”
Lying the baby on her back on the carpet I hold both Megan’s hands in mine as I look deep into her eyes.
“Is that really what you want? I will never ever force you or control you. I know only too well what that is like, but what I will say is this: I love you Megan Murphy and I love Yasmin too. I want you both to come to England with me tonight then to stay here with me in this flat as long as you want. I want you both to be a part of my life. If you want to go back to your family then I totally understand, and I will let you go because I love you both too much to hurt you or force you. But know this too; letting you both go will break my heart. Thinking of Yasmin being parted from you, never seeing her grow up, walk or even talk tears me apart. I can’t even begin to imagine what losing her would do to you. Megan, it’s not your fault your mum is sick and it’s not your responsibility to look after her or your brothers. I know you love them but sometimes love means letting go of people…”
I don’t know where the words are coming from but it feels more like my heart speaking than my mouth as I have to stop as tears blind me and I edge closer and hold Megan in my arms as her sobs and mine amalgamate together in a deep complex mix of grief, fear, loss and love, the baby rolling in front of us and pressing her hands on the carpet preparing to crawl but then falling onto her front as if her arms can no longer carry her weight. Megan watches her closely as we both expect her to cry but instead her little arms bend again and her hands return to the carpet as she once again pushes her head up and bends her knees, this time managing to crawl right towards me as her face beams in pride at her achievement.
I still don’t know what Megan will decide but instinctively I cheer the little baby on as she crawls right into my arms as I pick her up, kiss her and cuddle her in.
“What a little star you are Yasmin Murphy. An absolute sunshine and I’m so proud of you, baby. What a clever cookie. I love you sweetheart.” |
Chapter 185
Megan
I can’t stop the tears no matter how hard I try. The guilt of being the one home with my mam when she tried killing herself, the sneaking behind my family’s back seeing Liam, the suddenness of walking away from my family, the pain of being excluded, forgotten and ignored by them for so long and the intimidation and threats of both dad earlier, and now my brother, combine into a huge complicated and complex mess in my mind and mean I can’t even find the words to talk to Liam and say why I am crying. Looking at my wonderful best friend as he sits on the floor comforting me I can’t imagine walking away from him, leaving him, rejecting him. In his arm is the baby I have brought up since the day she was born, the child who I bath, feed, clothe and talk to more than anyone else in my family. The reason I get up every morning and my motivation.
For a second I imagine my parents and siblings, some of whom are only just younger than Liam, sitting in place of Liam and thinking how they would be with Yasmin. Her own dad, who barely knows her, having never fed her, changed her or bathed her once in her 15 months of life. Her mam, who loves her and cares for her when it suits her but can just as easily abandon and neglect her at a moments notice. Shaun, who would secure her somewhere safe, like her buggy or car seat, ever the practical organiser in the family telling everyone where to go and what to do. Aisling, who would hold the baby but having left home before she was even born would be a stranger to her and neither would be comfortable. Iain, who would hold the baby but his body stance would be more open, less emotionally attached and he’d never so much as look at a dirty nappy let alone offer to change one. Niamh, who would hold her sister but being more academic than practical it wouldn’t be natural for her and she’d be horrified at the thought of Yasmin having a learning disability. Theresa, who, of course, living with Yasmin would comfort her but past experience has shown that while she tries incredible hard it isn’t an age she feels naturally comfortable around and knowing what the baby needs when she can’t communicate has always been tricky for her. Anthony, who would hold his sister but would become anxious at her crying and wouldn’t yet have the experience to confidently hold her long or want to dress her or bath her. Rory, bless him, who would do his best to make her laugh, tickle her and play with her more than any of the others, but at only 10 lacks the capacity to grasp the implications of what the baby’s syndrome means both for the present and the future.
Then there’s Liam, sitting right beside me holding Yasmin securely and lovingly in his hands, talking to her as he would any other baby, offering to care for her even when it’s dirty and hard, playing with her, feeding her, and bonding with her in such a caring way. Being the father the baby has never ever known.
I confess quietly the basics of what my brother said on the phone to me as I watch Liam’s face whiten in shock and horror. At first I feel his anger, his desire to protect me, his outrage. Then his words seem to soften, tinged with emotion and heavy with passion as he actually gives me permission to return to my family! I can hardly make out his facial features as my vision blurs with tears once more as he continues speaking directly to me in love and deep affection. It’s a moment of clarity, reality and truth that cuts deep into my heart and soul. I’ve only ever known the love of my family, a love I always thought was pure and came with no strings attached. A love I always thought I could rely on. Yet now I have this new love; an intimacy, a passion, a genuine care and interest in me that I’ve never experienced, a commitment and trust and sexual attraction that surpasses that of anything I’ve ever known.
Do I risk keeping all that and losing my family or returning to the only place I’ve ever called home, to my dad who says he loves me but who couldn’t tell you my date of birth or favourite colour, to my mam who blames me for making her sick and who is so ashamed of me that she lies to people and forces me out my own, and to my brothers ,who adore me but need me to be their mam more than their sister? Do I get on a bus to Belfast and sail to England or go to the chapel I see as my second home on Palm Sunday and sit where I have sat since I was Yasmin’s age to take part in the prayers, singing and Eucharist that are fundamental to my Catholic faith?
I watch my baby sister roll over on the carpet and try to pull her little body up, her low muscle tone causing her weak arms to fail her as her body plops back to the carpet. As she tries again, this time actually not only pulling her body up but to moving forwards too I smile and wonder if her movements are a sign from God. I left home with my sister feeling like I was on my back left to flounder and trying to right myself. Going to chapel to pray then visiting Mrs Clements in the charity shop both help me roll over and feel stronger. I feel my hands are on firmer ground making love to Liam but then returning home leaves me collapsed once again on my front struggling to even hold my own head up. But Yasmin doesn’t give up, she tries again, she shows courage and determination. She knows where she needs to go and despite her weakness she pushed on through, not only moving to where she wants to be but being celebrated and awarded by crawling into the arms of someone who embraces her, adores her and cheers her on. Her innocent laughter, her arms flung wide in abandoned unhindered love, her beautiful smile, all give me the answer I need as I bow my head and whisper ‘thank you God’ as my eyes meet Liam’s and I know what my decision has to be.
“I’d better wash my face and get these bags under the buggy, the three of us have a bus to be catching incase you’d forgotten.”
Liam stands up still holding my sister as he reaches his hand down to help me up before pulling me in for a long embrace and a loving kiss.
“I love you Megan. Never ever forget that.” |
Chapter 186
Liam
I feel an urgency that we didn’t have before, not because we are late or anything but because I am scared at any moment that Megan might change her mind. I need her and Yasmin on the bus out of Bangor and then on the boat to England before I will be able to relax. It wasn’t meant to be like this. I feel like I am tearing her away from her family and that breaks me, but equally I know that going back would send her back to a life of hurt and imprisonment, a life of being devalued, forgotten and taken advantage of.
With the bags all now in my small hallway beside the buggy I sit the baby with her coat on into the car seat on the buggy and leave Megan to strap her safely in. I carefully hold the bottom of the buggy while Megan grips the handles as we gently lower the buggy down my front steps and outside into the cool evening air. I return inside handing Megan the baby bag out which she slides over the handles, a carrier bag which she puts in the buggy basket underneath, and then I help her put her backpack on her back while I carry my hold-all and then lock my front door. We walk the short distance to the bus stop as we wait quietly for the 203 bus to arrive. I glance down at Yasmin, her eyes wide open as she takes in everything going and I wonder if this is her first time ever going out at night and going on a bus. I know it’ll be her first time on a ferry for sure and definitely her first ever time leaving Ireland.
“Have you been on a ferry before Megan?”
“No. I was just thinking will I need to wear a life jacket?”
“No, thankfully. When we get off the bus there’s a short walk to the port. They don’t let you on until they have done all their checks and things then they check tickets and you go up a covered ramp into the ferry. It feels weird but once on board you forget you are on a boat, well at least I did. There is a safely announcement before you leave saying what to do in an emergency and where the life jackets and dinghies are but it’s really safe and I’m hoping we sleep through most of it. You ok?”
“Just nervous.”
I reach out and pull her towards me, wrapping my arm over her shoulders, but then I see the bus approaching and remove my arm so I can put my hand out to signal the bus to stop. The floor is lowered to let the buggy on easily and I am delighted to see just how accessible the bus is as Megan pushes her sister into an area reserved for prams and we sit together facing the baby. I take Megan’s backpack off her and place both the bags in a luggage area as the bus pulls away and we head towards the high street and then onto the A20. I hold Megan’s hand firmly as we both gaze out the window at the beautiful sun set as we travel out of Bangor and away from her home and all that she’s ever known.
As we build up speed on the quiet A road I watch Yasmin as despite the late hour her eyes scan all around the bus as if trying to process what’s going on. She’s content and comfortable and for the first time I properly look at the buggy in more detail.
“So does that seat clip off? Is that like a buggy seat under it?”
Megan looks at the buggy and then me.
“Yes. The bit Yasmin is sitting in just now is a first size car seat. It clicks onto the frame and if you then wanted her to go in a car you just unclip the seat and take that into the car. Then the buggy part folds down. It came with a carry cot too for a younger baby. Mrs Clements kept that bit at the back of the shop. She said I could get it if I ever wanted it but Yasmin much prefers to sit up now. These things are amazing though. I saw mums with them at St. Christopher’s school before and I always thought they looked brilliant. Very expensive though because they grow with your baby from newborn right until toddler. Once they outgrow the car seat bit you take that off and just use the buggy underneath.”
“Wasn’t the buggy at your parents like this then?”
“Oh goodness no! That’s just a cheap buggy mam got for Rory when he was a toddler. Dad had stuck it in the garage planning to dump it one day so when mam found she was having Yasmin he just dusted it down for her. For a long time I had to use the sling though as there was no neck support or anything in the buggy. It didn’t even lie flat and it wasn’t even suitable until Yasmin was 6 months. You’re really meant to use a pram for a tiny baby, or one of these travel systems with the carry cot bit. Thankfully Yasmin was small and light so using the sling was ok. It was only ever me that took Yasmin anywhere, unless mam was having a good day and took a notion to take her out. Once she stopped sleeping so much and became more aware and curious mam stopped taking her anywhere though. She hated to think anyone might see she had Downs.”
“That’s sad. Though I still can’t get over you getting this for free you know. I love the black and gold colour.”
“Me too. Though it’s not just the buggy is it? You got that suit from Father Reilly, and the shoes. I still can’t figure the shoes out can you?”
“No. Such a perfect fit too. So few people know my address too. And I don’t think even you know my shoe size? I asked Gareth but he’s the sort to just give me money and it obviously wasn’t you. I wonder if we’ll ever find out who that was?”
Megan shrugs as she rests her head on the window of the bus looking tired.
“You ok?”
“Just tired. And thinking of Rory and Anthony.”
I reach for her hand again holding it tight as I take my coat off and put it over her as a makeshift blanket as the only lights are those in the distance outside or the dim ones inside the bus as I hope that everything will work out when we all need to come back to Bangor and get back to reality. Just thinking of England and going back to my aunt’s house without her there, going to her church that I always told her as a hormonal teenager ‘wasn’t my thing’, and having to sort out all her things, feels so heavy and hard.
I’m just glad I’m not doing it all alone, even if Megan has got so much going on in her own life too. |
Chapter 187
Megan
Sitting in the warm bus late at night in the dark makes me feel so tired and, combined with the emotionally exhaustion from my earlier breakdown, I find my eyes closing easily. I feel Liam’s coat over me as I rest my head on the bus window and nap, only waking when Liam calls my name to say we have finally reached Belfast port.
The port is surprisingly busy as we follow signs to the ferry terminal and join a long queue of foot passengers. Through the large windows I can see lines and lines of vehicles waiting to board and for a moment I wonder how on earth the boat can carry such weight and still float. As we wait to get our tickets checked Liam points to a nearby vending machine asking if I am thirsty. I nod and he leaves me in the queue with the buggy while he heads over and returns with two bottles of water.
“I thought fizzy juice at this time of night might keep us awake.”
I open the bottle, with some effort, and by the time the line starts moving I have about half of it drank. I sit it in the basket under the buggy as the line moves and, just like Liam described on the bus, I have to push the buggy up a long winding covered ramp and over a bump into the huge ferry. It seems more like a cruise ship in size as the signs point to cabins, shops, a restaurant and lounges. A member of staff stops me to say that there are certain areas where young children aren’t allowed and then Liam shows her our booking on his phone and she directs us to our own private cabin.
I honestly can’t believe my eyes when Liam unlocks the cabin door. Inside looks like what I would imagine a 5 star hotel bedroom to look like with a large double bed, our own en-suite, a desk and chair with a kettle and a basket with tea, coffee, sugar and milk and a travel cot against the wall. Looking around I even see a small fridge and when I open it there’s four bottles of mineral water inside. I had hoped Yasmin might have fallen asleep but the noise of the queue and the unfamiliar sounds and smells of the ferry have all kept her awake, though her eyes are heavy and she’s now crying with over tiredness. I pick her out the buggy and push it to the side as I take off my backpack and put it down. Liam continues to explore the room and at the end of the bed he finds storage drawers where he slides our luggage to make more room. He takes my coat from me and I take Yasmin’s off but just as the baby’s crying is calming she starts louder again as a loud announcement startles us all.
The fright caused by the announcement makes me need the toilet but I am also compelled to wait in the room and listen just in case any emergency might occur. I try my utmost to settle my sister so I can hear and I pace the room holding her in my arms as Liam sits on the seat listening intently too. It seems to go on for ages and the more the voice talks the more I realise that I really will need to use the en-suite very soon. Finally the announcement ends with ‘thank you for travelling with StelaLine tonight. We hope you have a pleasant journey and we look forward to seeing you again.” The moment the voice stops Yasmin goes quiet as if she’s trying to work out what just happened.
“Do you want anything to eat Megan? I’m not sure if you heard but the restaurant is closing at 11pm. It’s already twenty to now How about we go see what they have before it closes?”
I really want to ask if he’ll take Yasmin for me so I can use the toilet but he’s now standing holding the cabin door open and since I assume there will be toilets in the restaurant I pick up my purse from the front pocket of my backpack and follow him out the cabin. We follow signs to the restaurant, though it feels like the entire ferry has thought the same as us as bodies head en mass in the direction of food. Anxious not to lose sight of Liam I walk as quickly as I can and we soon find ourselves in yet another queue.I’m regretting not having been to the toilet in the cabin already, though the smell of toast, sausages, beans, bacon and eggs does make me feel a little hungry. It feels like an eternity ago that I made dinner for us all and incredibly Yasmin is beady eyed and wide awake and looking around at all the people, probably the biggest crowd she’s seen in her whole life.
The queue moves slowly and I move from foot to foot anxiously hoping that not only do we reach the counter before it closes for the night but that we get served efficiently so that I can find a toilet. Liam must be hungry as he’s so focussed on looking around to see what’s on offers that he doesn’t seem to notice my movements or even the fact I am now biting my lip. Eventually we reach the front of the queue but due to closing soon only a limited number of items are available. I order a cup of tea and a simple bowl of porridge thinking I can maybe share some of the porridge with my sister and Liam orders himself a coffee and some scrambled egg on toast. I follow Liam, who is carrying the tray carefully, to a free table and we sit down, me holding Yasmin on my knee.
“I bet this won’t be anything like as amazing as your scrambled egg on toast. I think the bus ride has made me hungry though. I don’t usually eat at this time of night. Are you ok with Yasmin or would you like me to see if I can find a high chair?”
I don’t want Liam’s food going cold so I tell him it’s fine and stir the porridge before blowing on a small amount to cool it for Yasmin. The whole time I can’t help looking around to see if I can find a ladies toilet. Yasmin pulls a face at first with the first spoon of porridge but after that she turns her head towards the table looking for more. I bounce the leg she isn’t sitting on as I feel my body getting more and more uncomfortable reminding me quite urgently that I need to find a toilet. Liam is happily eating his supper as I wriggle on the seat in front of him as I decide to tell him of my difficulty.
“Do you think you could maybe take Yasmin for me a minute? I need to find a ladies somewhere. I was going to go in the cabin before we left but then I didn’t want to miss the restaurant closing.”
“Can you wait until I’ve eaten this? I’m almost done sweetheart, I promise. It’ll be easier as I can’t cut the toast with Yasmin on my knee. I have no idea how you multitask like you do.”
I don’t really want to wait but I do appreciate his point, and besides I don’t even know where the toilets are. I offer Yasmin some more porridge and she takes a few more spoons before turning her head away. I wish I had brought the baby bag with me to be able to wipe her face but i know we’ll be back in the cabin soon. I eat some of the warm porridge myself and sip at my tea but I’m restless and nervous and increasingly anxious to find a loo. Thankfully Liam is just eating the last of his food as I stand up ready to hand him the baby, fidgeting from foot to foot and looking around everywhere for any signs of toilets. As Liam finally puts his cutlery down and puts his arms out for my little sister I ask if he knows where any toilets are.
“Only ones I’ve seen so far were in our cabin. Do you want to go back there if you’ve finished?”
“I think that might be better. I have to go bad!”
Liam stands up holding Yasmin as we head around tables and back the way we came following signs to the deluxe cabins and back to our room and a toilet for me at last. |
Chapter 188
Liam
It doesn’t matter how tired I am, how late at night it is or even where I am, hearing Megan say she has to pee badly never fails to have a sexual effect on me. However I also love her deeply and I would far rather she was in the mood and we were alone so I am more than happy to return to the cabin. It isn’t too far from the restaurant, thankfully on the same level too, and I unlock the door one handed while carrying Yasmin as Megan comes in behind me heading immediately for the en-suite. I can’t help enjoying her movements from behind as my body desires hers greatly and isn’t refraining from showing it!
It takes me a moment to realise that Megan is still standing there and the door is still closed. She turns looking at me as she grabs openly between her legs.
“I can’t get the door open Liam!”
I take a few steps towards her and try the best I can, still holding the baby. I can’t get it to open either so I put the baby on the bed and try using both hands. Megan is now openly squirming, the baby is crying and my hard on is rubbing against my jeans! I pull the handle back up, push the door in and try again, finally getting it open as Megan rushes in.
“Whatever you do Liam don’t close that door! I don’t want stuck in here!”
I instinctively pick up the baby again, rocking her gently and singing to her in the hope it calms her as I watch in awe as Megan pulls up her skirt, pulls down her thin tights and pants and pees loudly in the toilet. I can’t help but stare at her face watching it change from tense, worried and stressed to pure relief, joy and happiness.
“Oh God this feels amazing! I thought you’d never finish your scrambled egg and toast! I was bursting sitting in that restaurant! Oh how good does it feel to pee when you really need to go! I feel so much better now.”
I know she’s probably not in the mood, and Yasmin is still so unsettled, but God do I fancy her and fuck does watching her pee like that and seeing her face change make me horny as hell.
“It feels just as good watching you babe. You should see what you’ve done to me again!”
Fucking hell, like watching her pee isn’t enough she then goes and casually almost makes me cum by commenting conversationally as she wipes herself and sorts her clothing,
“You can watch me pee anytime you like Liam. In fact I quite enjoy you watching me actually.”
My back is holding the door open as I feel Yasmin finally cuddling in to my body, her breathing slowing. Megan dries her hands and walks towards me.
“I think we should somehow wedge that door open don’t you? I wouldn’t want either of us having an accident if it got stuck again. I mean I might enjoy that if we didn’t need to get up so early in the morning. Here, I better take Yasmin and get her changed for bed before she falls asleep on you. She’s so out of routine now. I just hope she sleeps through because I don’t know about you but I’m so exhausted. Do you think there’s anywhere her milk could be warmed?”
When Megan takes her sister I very carefully let the door go without it closing properly then I drag over the chair and wedge the door wide open with it. As Megan opens the storage at the end of the bed and digs in her backpack for one of the baby’s all in one cotton things she sleep in and a nappy and wipes from the changing bag I walk up to her and get the babies bottle of milk from the same bag and offer to go and see if I can warm it anywhere. I head back to the now closed restaurant and thankfully I notice a table with a microwave and what I think might be some gadget for warming bottles. Unsure how to work the gadget I opt for the microwave and manage to warm the milk to a point I think it should be ok for the baby. I return to the cabin to find Megan has stripped to just her knickers and she’s sitting with her back against the headboard of the bed nursing the baby in her arms. I hand her the milk and she offers it to Yasmin as I look in awe at the two woman who make my life complete.
“Do you mind turning the main light off Liam? I’m hoping to settle her to sleep as it’s 11:30pm already!”
“Sure.”
I undo and step out my jeans, pull off my socks and shoes, then undo and take off my shirt, leaving only my boxer shorts on as I turn off the main light and head towards the bed.
“Honey, would you mind getting my bottle of water from under the buggy. I couldn’t finish my tea earlier as I had to pee so badly.”
I get the bottle for Megan and get one out the fridge for myself, placing them on the bedside table my side of the bed then using the toilet and getting into bed. I sit up beside Megan as the dim wall lamp over the bed lights up Yasmin’s little body in such a way that she looks like an angel in Megan’s arms.
“It feels so weird going to bed without doing my prayers you know.”
“You pray every night?”
“Yeah. I read my Bible too. I brought my Bible and rosary with me but until this little one falls asleep properly I can’t really read or pray.”
“You might not believe this but I’ve been reading the Bible every night before bed too, ever since your priest gave me one after chapel on Sunday. I’m afraid I haven’t read much and I keep reading the sane bit a lot. I don’t really understand it all but it is beautiful.”
“You know that really means such a lot to me. What bit have you been reading then?”
“Just a bit the priest read to me on Sunday after you left and I’d been crying. I had to google it as I didn’t even know how to spell it. Psalm 23. I brought the Bible with me too.”
“Oh that’s one of my favourite Psalms. Quite fitting for an overnight ferry too. He leadeth me besides quiet waters…”
Megan puts the baby’s bottle by her bed as she gently carries Yasmin over to her travel cot, lies her in it carefully and tucks her in. As I watch her in the faded light come back to bed I hand her her water as she starts reciting quietly something so familiar and beautiful.
“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…”
I close my eyes and bow my head as I find my mouths suddenly saying the words along with her, the nights of reading it over and over having caused me to clearly know it better than I even realise. Our voices join together seamlessly just as I recall the congregation doing at mass in St.Mary’s on Sunday.
“He make the me lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me besides still waters. He restores my soul. He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me, in the presence of mine enemies, thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen”
I feel my eyes filling as Megan reaches over and hugs me, kissing me sweetly on my cheek.
“That was beautiful. Night Liam. I love you.”
“Night Megan honey, I love you too.”
I kiss her forehead as she drinks some of her water then snuggles under the duvet. I set my phone alarm for 5:30am, plug it in to charge, drink some of my own bottled water then lie under the covers too.
I’ll wake up in England, the country I left as a battered, scared man who felt he had no hope and who was running away, as I return just months later to the sane town with a beautiful lady I adore, a new found faith and even a child that isn’t mine but who I love as if she were.
If only aunt Ella could see me now. If only she was still alive… |
Chapter 189
Megan
I sleep fitfully, waking to drink some more water and check on Yasmin twice during the night. I’m still very tired when Liam’s phone alarm goes off as I get out of bed and head to the open bathroom as I see Liam standing smiling at me as I sit on the toilet in just my underpants.
“Now that’s a beautiful sight to wake up to! Good morning.”
I look up seeing his obvious hard on and smiling. As much as I’d happily get back into bed with him for some cuddles I know realistically that we don’t have time. I turn the shower on, thankful for the complimentary shower gel and shampoo meaning I don’t have to dig into my bag for mine, as I step out my knickers and step into the shower cubicle while Liam watches.
“Shit. I woke bursting for a piss a moment ago but there’s no way I can pee now. Can I join you?”
I smile and open the cubicle door as my boyfriend steps out his trunks, revealing his long hard penis, as I use my hands to beckon him to join me. I’ve never in my life shared a shower with anyone but I can’t help feeling excited and happy when Liam steps in beside me, holding my naked body next to his and kissing me deeply while warm water runs down both our bodies. His hands move from my hair down to my neck, gently caressing my back while one hand moves lower feeling and exploring my bottom. He pulls his mouth away as I see his wet hair dripping down his face.
“Shit! This water is making me need to piss again so bad!”
I smile and giggle as he grabs his erect dick squeezing it and pushing it in-between his legs as he squirms beside me. I pick up the shower gel and put some on my hands, rubbing it into his warm wet body. As our bodies get closer again I talk over the noise of the water.
“Can you wait until we’ve both finished showering?”
“I can try. God it’s bad though! I can’t promise I won’t leak.”
I smile and continue washing his body, taking my time rubbing shower gel into his back, his arms, his legs and all over his testicles and erect penis as his legs squirm and his penis rises and shakes. He grabs and squeezes himself crossing his naked legs tightly as I put the shower gel back and pick up the shampoo.
“Oh fuck. I think I’m going to burst honey. Please hurry up!”
Contrary to his request I take my time squeezing the small shampoo container into my hand, rubbing my hands together in the warm water then asking Liam to bend forwards so I can wash his hair. Lathering the shampoo into his scalp I deliberately massage slowly and purposefully as I hear him moan and squirm around.
“You really need to stand still if you can please honey.”
“I can’t babe. I’m honestly going to lose it.”
I ignore him and carry on rinsing the shampoo out of his hair secretly becoming extremely turned on at the naked wet man in front of me who so urgently has to empty his bladder.
“Fuck! It’s coming!”
It’s not as easy to see against the clear warm water of the shower but seeing Liam’s face, his tense body stance, and hearing his moans, it’s obvious he has squirted some pee into the shower. I’m now so horny for him that I can’t help but grab him and kiss him as my hand fondles his warm testicles and strokes his long wonderful penis. Liam, at first, embraces the kiss, his tongue exploring and entering my throat willingly, but then suddenly he leans back against the glass cubicle, struggling to steady himself, as this time I clearly see urine surge from his member in another long spurt. The water from the shower is pouring down my back and shoulders but mostly avoiding Liam as my eyes catch Liam’s and I see just how longing and desperate his whole body is. I pull his hands away from his own body as I take his penis in my own hand, aiming it at my own naked body, as Liam’s ability to hold back reaches its crescendo and I feel his warm urine soaking my stomach, my legs, and as I guide his penis more, even my breasts and nipples, as I giggle at the naughtiness of our behaviour.
Seeing Liam’s face is unbelievably sexy as his jaw relaxes, his eyes close in complete relaxation and his lips tremble a little from the thrill of what is happening. Finally his penis stops pouring out liquid as I let it go and use the shower gel to wash my own body as Liam opens his eyes, returns his hands to his own anatomy and starts immediately stroking himself as he watches me standing naked right in front of him as I wash between my legs, under my breasts and all down my legs and arms as he masterbates himself within touching distance of me.
As I return the shower gel to the shower shelf and pick up the shampoo I already know what’s about to happen as I pretend I am alone and wash my hair like normal. Liam’s moans are driving me crazy though as I rinse my hair and see that his hand is now stroking faster and more enthusiastically than before as I smile at him and turn the shower off as I scrunch my hair together and squeeze water out it, splashing drips onto Liam’s large penis just as it explodes with semen. As I go to open the shower door and step onto the towel on the floor I glance back at my boyfriend who is looking at me sheepishly and shyly.
“Sorry about that babe. I think I need to learn more self control I’m afraid.”
His words remind me of something similar that Father Reilly said to me in confession as I try to think what he told me once when I confessed that I’d wet myself in the launderette.
“God made us all with needs Liam. We’re only human…and besides I happened to love every minute! I really don’t think we need to have self control when it’s just us…though loads of Catholics believe you shouldn’t have sex before marriage. I used to believe that too would you believe.”
As Liam steps out the shower too and we both dry our wet bodies Liam looks at me as he rubs his wet hair with the towel.
“So what changed?”
I giggle, as if the answer isn’t blatantly obvious.
“I met you. That’s what.” |
Chapter 190
Liam
Ever since my teenage years I have woken with a hard on so it’s no surprise to me when I wake in the ferry next to my beautiful Megan and my penis is erect. However, I also wake every morning needing to use the bathroom and as I watch Megan walk around the bed towards the en-suite I can’t help but follow her as I really need to use the toilet badly. With the door to the bathroom wedged open by the chair I get a birds eye view of Megan as she rushes towards the toilet wearing nothing but her knickers and then turns, pulling them down quickly before sitting down. The only thing I love seeing as much as Megan desperate to pee is her actually peeing and here I am staring right at her first thing in the morning! For a split second I think I am actually in heaven! The only problem now is that my raging hard on is so intense I can’t actually pee!
I stare at Megan in awe as she then flushes the loo, washes her hands and then pulls the shower door open and steps in. Something suddenly comes over me and I ask her if I can join her. Incredibly Megan seems as horny as I am as we kiss lovingly and deeply while the hot water covers our bodies keeping us warm and wet together. I could easily fuck Megan right in the shower cubicle but there’s one serious thing preventing that…the water running over my body, and especially so on my most tender sensitive areas is suddenly reminding my body that I urgently need to pee and I ought to go right NOW! I have to pull away from Megan’s embrace as my actions are probably already making it very obvious that I am seconds away from pissing myself.
I can barely believe my ears when she asks if I can wait until we are finished showering. Oh my God has she any idea how torturous that idea is? I’m literally drying to go and I can’t even stand up straight! I squirm and fidget like a man possessed as Megan entices and seduces me by washing my naked body, the touch of her hands on my skin turning me to putty in her hands. When she moves onto washing my hair I have to squeeze myself so much I’m afraid I’ll bruise the end of my dick as she massages the shampoo so leisurely it’s like she’s in slow motion. Regardless how much I squirm and squeeze I just can’t stop a decent size squirt shooting out as I do my utmost to keep holding back. Seconds later though I can no longer bear the pain and the pressure as I stumble back against the wall of the shower as I close my eyes, tense every muscle in my body and concentrate hard as my body convulses and my penis twitches as urine rushes down the length of my urethra and out of the tip of my penis.
Megan appears to be loving every minute as she steps closer towards me, pulling my hands off my erect dick and taking full control of where I fire. My entire body shakes in intense desire and need as she sprays her legs, her stomach, and even her generous naked breasts and nipples with my warm output as I can’t even form words I am in such a state of bliss. Incredibly I have emptied my bladder whilst being hard and horny, something I ordinarily find very tricky. The utter relief I feel is heavenly but is instantly replaced by such a strong desperate need to cum that I feel lightheaded. I open my eyes and see the sexiest, most gorgeous, naked woman in front of me within arms reach washing her own body so seductively I am shaking with sexual need for her. I can’t stop stroking myself, edging closer to ejaculation with every second. I’ve never desired a woman more my entire life. I can’t stop, not while she’s rubbing her nipples like she is and flicking her wet hair under the water to rinse it. The intensity in which I cum takes me breath away as Megan casually wrings her hair out like I am not even there!
Then immediately Megan steps out the shower I feel awful. She doesn’t deserve what I just did. She was only trying to wash so we can get dressed and off the ferry! Why can’t I ever have any self control around Megan Murphy? I apologise but she doesn’t appear to be upset at all, in fact quite the opposite, as she thanks me before wrapping her hair in a towel and heading back into the bedroom to find clothes. Meanwhile I am left gawping at her, especially when she says that she used to believe in no sex before marriage but changed her mind just because she met me.
I’ve never felt so special, so loved, and so happy. I dig out some clean underwear but put on the same clothes as yesterday to save me unfolding my suit and shirt. I notice Megan has the same skirt and top on from yesterday too making me feel much better about my clothing. I notice Megan looking for a hairdryer so I help her look, finding one in a cupboard near the bathroom. The sound of the dryer wakes Yasmin so I pick her up and hold her because she seems quick upset. Megan turns the dryer off suggesting I wrap the baby in a blanket and open the bedroom door that leads out directly onto the deck. I do as she suggests and while I am on the deck with Yasmin I can faintly hear the dryer behind me.
The view is so stunning as I talk to Yasmin pointing out the other boats and the birds and the colours of the sky as the most wonderful sunrise takes my breath away. I stand there in awe dancing around the small private decking area as I find myself so caught in the moment that I start quietly singing to the baby in my arms.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…”
Yasmin is smiling all cosy and wrapped in the blanket as Megan steps out to join us.
“Oh my goodness Liam! How awesome are those colours! This is the first time I’ve ever seen a sunrise out at sea. It’s way more beautiful and romantic than I ever imagined it would be.”
I step nearer Megan, wrapping my arm around her with the baby in the other, as the three of us stand staring out to sea in total awe and amazement at the stunning sunrise on our first ever morning together in England.
Maybe it’s a sign that everything is going to turn out good. I really hope so. After everything Megan has been through she’s more than due some pleasure and happiness in her life. As long as that includes me I’ll be the happiest man alive. |
Chapter 191
Megan
I know how distressed loud noise make Yasmin and how she’s always hates hoovers and hairdryers but unfortunately I do need to dry my hair. Thankfully Liam is happy to help as I suggest he wraps the baby in a blanket and takes her onto the deck just while I dry my hair. Thankfully the hairdryer is powerful and I blast my hair on the hottest setting until it’s dry enough to tie it up in a ponytail so that Yasmin isn’t outside too long getting cold. I open the door to the deck and I am absolutely blown away by the beauty that meets me. The stunning oranges and yellows against the blue and grey sky and the while clouds is breathtaking as it reflects on the open sea and it’s made even better by watching Liam dancing around the deck with my baby sister singing to her that she’s his sunshine. My smile is wide and my heart full as I step out to join them in the early hours of Sunday morning as I see land in the distance and realise we are almost in England.
“As stunning as this is Liam if we want breakfast before getting off the ferry I think we’d better get going.”
Liam kisses the top of my head as I lead the way back into the bedroom. I pick up my purse on way to the other door leading inside the ferry as I check Liam is following me as we walk together towards the restaurant. This time we only need to give our room number and name and Liam is handed a tray with two breakfasts and two empty mugs for us to help ourselves to drinks. I find a table and Liam sits with Yasmin while I find a high chair for her. I offer to take the mugs to get us both a coffee and I am delighted to see that there’s a jug of milk so I can fill a small disposable cup with some for the baby. As I arrive back Liam has already started eating and Yasmin is sitting expectantly in the high chair. Before I begin I cut some sausage into small pieces from my plate and put it on the high chair table and add my hash brown and half a slice of toast broken into manageable pieces. Liam looks at me as he sips his coffee.
“Make sure to leave yourself some honey!”
“I’ll be fine. But thank you.”
I eat what’s left of my breakfast as Yasmin happily munches into what’s on her table, squashing and squeezing the food in her little hands first as always. With some difficulty I manage to get her to sip some milk from the disposable cup that I hold as I make a mental note to remember to get her more to drink as soon as we are off the ferry. Someone walks past heading to another table as Liam nosies at what they have.
“Oh they had some fruit. Want me to see if I can see where they got that?”
I chuckle. “Go on then. You’d never know you had supper last night mister hollow legs.”
As he goes for a wander I look around at the huge restaurant, the large windows where the sea can be seen on all sides and the glass roof making the early morning sun shine onto the table. I feel so lucky, so blessed, so privileged, to be here yet at the same time I can’t stop thinking of my younger brothers back home. Will mam get up and cook them breakfast before chapel? Will she even be well enough to go herself, and if not who will stay home to look after her and keep her safe? I then suddenly remember what Shaun said to me the day before and I say a silent prayer in my mind that all will be ok when he goes to St. Mary’s and finds I am not there.
Liam returns with two croissants, a banana, an apple and a pear on a tray.
“Look what I found!”
“Wow! Did you need to pay for all that?”
“There was nothing to say you had to and everyone else was helping themselves.”
“I could get used to this eh!”
“Not too used to it Miss Murphy as I don’t think my wages will stretch to doing this that often.”
“Mine might just about cover this fruit! I don’t know about you but I feel so blessed that Father Reilly gave you the money for this.”
Liam bites into the apple smiling. “Me too. He’s quite a man that priest of yours.”
“He’s amazing isn’t he. It still feels strange to think this is Palm Sunday and here I am on a ferry at almost 6 in the morning eating breakfast while i’m approaching England with you instead of being home going to chapel with my family. I was just thinking of them there too. I wonder if mam will be well enough for chapel? Dad hates it if we are ill and can’t go. He’s paranoid everyone will ask about the missing person and he hates anyone prying in family business.”
As he peels the banana and puts some small pieces on the high chair table for Yasmin and I eat the croissant spread with butter and jam he looks at me meaningfully.
“Well he ain’t gonna be happy today then when it’s obvious you aren’t there. I mean he surely can’t expect you all to be there every single week of your life?”
“You obviously don’t know my dad. His faith is everything to him. Family comes second, well actually third above work really. He hated mam missing chapel even when she’d just given birth! The year Rory was born he had her waddling all the way to chapel for Easter Sunday even though anyone could see it was too much for her by then. Iain still talks about the time he was dragged along when he was really unwell with an ear infection and high temperature and he sobbed throughout mass.”
“That’s awful. My aunt went to church every week but even when I moved in with her she accepted that it was my choice and it wasn’t my thing. What will happen about you not being there this morning then?”
“ I guess I’ll find out soon enough.”
“Not much they can do if you are in England though.”
“That’s true, but when I go back they won’t let me forget in a hurry. Do you think we should get all our stuff ready? Everyone else seems to be leaving now and I still need to get this little one changed and dressed first.”
Liam checks his coffee is finished and then unclips Yasmin out her high chair.
“I hadn’t noticed the time. We’d better get a move on.” |
Chapter 195
Megan
I can’t stop thinking of Gareth! Just the thought of him sitting in front of me in this really lavish car really needing to pee is turning me on such a lot. There’s something about the fact he’s clearly wearing expensive clothes, especially his smart faun trousers that would show off even the tiniest of leaks. His posh accent, the fact he’s driving right now so can’t even really fidget and the way he moved his legs while he put the buggy and luggage in the car boot. I feel like I am being disloyal to Liam but my body is responding in ways I can’t seem to control.
I stare at my baby sister as I give her some baby juice in a bottle. It’s a very rare treat that I’d picked up at Lidl before we left Bangor but I know that Yasmin will be thirsty having not had milk yet this morning properly and from the amount she’s been crying. She holds the bottle in her little hands as I steady it, her eyes so heavy that I expect her to close them any second. At least watching her means I don’t need to look at Liam. When he does turn to ask if I’m ok I can feel my face burning, party because what’s happening with Gareth is really turning me on and party embarrassment for the same reason! What would Liam think of me if he knew my inner thoughts right now? I know I am anything but a good Catholic that’s for sure!
I’m really unsure if it’s dampness in my knickers from being so aroused, or wether my tea from breakfast has filled my bladder already, but when Gareth mentions using the loo at an Asda store I decide quickly that I’d be better using the ladies too. I hope Liam doesn’t mind waiting in the car with Yasmin? I watch the road signs to try and distract my mind from Gareth, especially as what he’s now saying about waiting in the car for us while bursting to pee is making me even wetter and warmer. The second road sign has Arrowe Park mentioned on it so I imagine we’ll be there very soon. It’s actually even closer than I realise as Gareth indicates to leave the motorway at junction 3 and we head to a sprawling estate with a mix of retail, industrial and hospitality businesses as Gareth seems to know exactly how to get into the Asda supermarket I can see on my right hand side.
The car park seems unusually quiet as I suddenly remember just how early it still is as glancing at my watch I realise it’s not even 7:30am yet. Gareth pulls up just outside the store as I notice that Yasmin has finally given in and closed her eyes.
“Shit! I forgot it was Sunday. They don’t open until 10am. God there’s no way I can hold this until then! Fucking Sunday trading hours!”
“It’s even worse in Northern Ireland! Only large shops can open on a Sunday there and even then only from 1pm until 6!”
“And you think Ireland is great Liam? So what’ya meant to do if you run out of bog roll or milk or bread on a Sunday morning…or God forbid you are dying for a piss like I am right now?”
I know they are not really criticising my home land but I feel the need to defend it nonetheless.
“I guess people just plan better. You don’t really get a choice though.”
Gareth turns to look at me, his forehead creased, his lips pursed and his cheeks flushed. I can tell just from his facial expression that he’s really tense and desperate which causes my vagina to instantly warm and moisten. Giving him eye contact wasn’t such a good idea!
“Point taken Megan. Me and my bright idea of drinking water while I waited for the ferry. The thing is though I don’t think I can actually get back on that motorway and drive safely. I’m absolutely bursting and have been for ages!”
I deliberately look away from him as we sit outside the locked supermarket with the car engine still running. I have no idea where I am. I’ve never even been to England before but there must be somewhere open surely? A petrol station? A Starbucks or Costa, or even a McDonald’s nearby? I quietly suggest as much as Gareth sighs and squirms, clearly trying to think.
“Oh I think there’s a restaurant alone the road. Hungry Horse if I remember right? Liam said you’re Catholic Megan. Gonna pray they are open please so I don’t have an accident here?”
I smile to myself wondering, firstly what God would make of that prayer and, secondly wondering what saint I’d even pray to? I guess it would be, rather ironically, St. Jude, the patron saint of desperate situations. Thankfully Liam comes to my defence.
“She’s Catholic Gareth, not fucking God himself.”
I chuckle at that as Gareth reverses the car and heads out the car park and along a quiet road in the estate towards an older building that I can see is a restaurant by the advertisements outside. As Gareth parks again I notice that the doors are closed and the car park has only 3 others cars in it. Liam voices what I’m already thinking.
“Doesn’t look like this place is open either mate.”
“No way! What’s a guy meant to do when he’s dying for a slash and everywhere’s closed? I mean it guys I’m so desperate here I’m gonna make a puddle any minute!”
Liam looks at me in the internal mirror and I know from his eyes that he’s fully aware what this is doing to me. I slide my own hand between my legs instinctively which Liam sees and clearly interprets as the fact I’m just as desperate as his best mate.
“I think Megan really needs to go to. Want me to go see when they’re open?”
“Yes please!”
Liam gets out the Merc and I watch as he walks towards the main door of the restaurant as I listen to Gareth moaning.
“Oh it’s bad. I need a piss so bad.”
I feel I ought to encourage him somehow even though I’ve only just met him.
“I’m sure they’ll open soon. I hope so anyway.“
Gareth turns to look at me, catching me with a hand between my legs holding myself with my head down.
“You bursting too?”
I nod, though I know I can wait a bit longer if I have to. Thankfully I haven’t drunk nearly as much as Gareth has. I do feel incredibly turned on though and hearing Gareth squirming and moaning is only making that worse.
Liam opens the front passenger door and climbs back in, closing the door behind him, an action that indicates something that his best mate clearly isn’t impressed by.
“Not too long to wait Gareth. They open at 8.”
Gareth looks at the clock in his car as he I hear him squirming in the seat in front of me.
“But that’s another 23 minutes away!”
Liam turns to look at me in the back seat again as he smiles apologetically at me.
“You ok to wait.”
I smile back as he winks at me.
“Yeah. I come from a one bathroom family remember. Us Murphy’s are used to holding our bladders. 23 minutes isn’t that long really.”
“Speak for yourself Megan. It’s a fucking eternity for me right now. Fuck man I REALLY need a piss so bad!”: |
Chapter 196
Liam
I could have been almost at my aunt’s house by now if it wasn’t for Gareth and his full bladder. Instead I’m sitting in the front of my mate’s Mercedes Benz on his luxurious leather seats listening to him moaning and telling the rest of us just how badly he needs to piss. I actually need to go myself, though I’m not bursting or anything, and I know Megan does too, though she’s just said she’s able to wait, at least until she can get to a ladies.
So we’re stuck here facing the front doors of a family restaurant on a Sunday morning on my first day back in England since my aunt died staring at, of all things, a huge advert for coffee! I’m 100% positive that isn’t helping Gareth one bit.
“How much longer now Liam? Oh God I need a piss man!”
“22 minutes.”
“No fucking way has it only been a minute! I’m seriously not joking about making a puddle!”
“Try not to think about it.”
“Are you for real? My dick is tingling like it’s on fire and my bladder is rock hard and sore and you tell me not to think about it? I haven’t been able to think of anything else for, I don’t know, probably about an hour now! I can’t even sit still let alone stop thinking about it.”
“Good job you don’t do Liam’s job. He has to hold his bladder all day at work, don’t you Liam?”
“Megan’s right. I finish my shift absolutely bursting every single day. There’s a couple of places I’ve found on some routes but some are just too public or too exposed so I just have to hold on. The relief when you finally get to go though is like nothing else. Had a good few close calls but pretty much make it most days.”
“How do you manage to last? Jesus Christ I’m ready to explode sitting here. Sorry if it’s too much information Megan but I’m fondling myself sitting here, pinching myself and squeezing my dick like crazy. I can’t remember ever having to go this bad. How much longer now. Oh fuck I really need to pee Liam! Tell me they’re about to open that door and let me in.”
“20 minutes to go. Sorry mate. You can do it. Just keep holding. How you doing Megan? You ok? Yasmin ok?”
“Yasmin’s asleep. I’m ok, thanks.I need a wee but I’m cool to wait. For a bit at least. At least I’ve got a bit of room back here. Must be so much harder with the steering wheel in the way.”
“Oh hurry up and open up. I think I’m gonna get out and walk about and see if that helps.”
“Do whatever you need to mate. You can do this. You don’t want to be going back to Matilda at the Double Tree with wet trousers now do you?”
“Do you think I could get away with pissing against the wall here? I’m aching to go so badly!”
“Gareth you can’t! What if someone pulls up for a coffee or a member of staff sees you?”
“Fuck fuck fuck I can feel it coming! Stay in piss! Not long now!”
I watch my very desperate mate get out the driver’s seat and pace up and down the wall in front of the car holding himself, bending forwards and crossing his legs. Just watching him is making my need increase as I turn to Megan in the back, who still has one hand between her own legs with a very flushed face. Now it’s just the two of us I can finally ask her what I’ve been itching to for ages. Keeping my voice low so Gareth doesn’t hear I wink at my sexy girlfriend and curiously ask,
“Is this turning you on?”
She nods and I can tell from her eyes, her body position, her quietness, that she’s probably very turned on and has been a while. I glance out to my mate outside who has his legs twisted and a hand holding between them tightly while his other hand leans on the wall to stop himself falling.
“He doesn’t usually make a spectacle of himself like this Megan. He’s actually a very well paid, responsible, and respectable business man. I’ve never seen him need a piss as bad as this.”
“Everyone has to pee Liam. Even the Queen. Doesn’t matter how much he earns or what he does for a living if you drink anything you have to eventually let it back out. It’s just unfortunate that Gareth hasn’t been able to find anywhere to go. He looks so desperate bless him, and while, yes, I won’t deny the fact I am enjoying seeing him squirming and talking about how badly he needs to wee I really hope he makes it. It’s not helping that I have to go too mind you.”
I can feel the familiar tingling in my crotch, my penis growing quickly again, my mouth drying suddenly as I look at my beautiful Megan with a hand between her legs sitting at an angle watching my best mate. I feel absolutely shit at how I spoke to her on the ferry just before we got off and guilt is washing over me as my love for her overwhelms me.
“I really am sorry about the ferry MeganI should never have spoken to you as I did.”
“Are you ok? Did I do anything?”
“It honestly wasn’t you honey and, as I say, I really am sorry. The thing is there was this incident when I was about 7 when my mum decided one Saturday to take me to Rhyl for a day trip on a train. It was summer and the train was packed and somehow mum got off but I didn’t get off in time before the doors closed. I think I was picking up a toy I had dropped or something and didn’t realise the train would leave. I was just a kid. I ended up screaming and crying and someone got me off at the next station miles away but it was before mobile phones were so common and the police were called. I was absolutely terrified and ever since then I always panic about being left on transport. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”
“That sounds awful. I’m so sorry. Liam, I really don’t think Gareth can hold on any longer. Look!”
I turn to look at my best mate who is hobbling back towards his car frantically marching on the spot holding himself tightly, his face tense and stressed. We both watch as he opens the drivers door and bends down awkwardly to put his head in the car.
“How much longer Liam?
“8 minutes.”
“I can’t wait that long! Oh shit! Guys please look away!”
I look back to Megan as she looks at me as we both hear a trouser fly zip opening followed immediately by the sound of Gareth peeing as I assume he’s aiming under the car as we both smile hearing him sigh and whisper to himself.
“Oh at last! That’s much better!”
While I can’t see my mate what I can see makes me so happy as I watch Megan’s eyes light up as she wriggles on the car seat with one hand still between her legs. I’m pretty sure it’s not from her need to pee though and I’m glad Gareth is so consumed by his own issues as I smile at my girlfriend longing to kiss her. |
Chapter 197
Megan
Even though Liam is talking to me I can’t help but stare out the front windscreen at Gareth. Watching his pacing, squirming, and constant moving is so erotic as my mind spins with thoughts of lust, immorality and guilt. I don’t want to cheat on Liam, I love him dearly, but I can’t help the fact that Gareth is currently pushing all my buttons and driving me wild. Combined with my own desire to pee I can feel my underpants getting damp and my body pulsating as I hold between my legs as if trying to hide how wet I am there. To try and combat the guilt I try to imagine Gareth as Liam, which thankfully isn’t hard to do as I’ve seen him every bit as desperate lots before.
I am listening to my boyfriend on one level whilst my imagination is sending my body on a high speed plane to erotica as I try not to show how close I am to sexual climax in the back of Gareth’s car. I need to calm down! I need to stop, but yet my eyes are totally fixated on Gareth and I can’t draw them away. I hear Liam apologising as I somehow manage to momentarily look at him in sympathy as he explains about a childhood trauma that I know must still be affecting him. Of course I forgive him, he’s only human and he’s very much still heavily grieving so it’s no wonder he’s angry and stressed and upset. But regardless how much empathy I have for him my hard nipples, my warm vagina, my rock hard clitoris, all compel me to divert my attention back to Gareth who I sense is about to burst any second. The poor man is beside himself, his movements more jagged and fast, his face more contorted and stressed. As he hobbles towards us I gasp quietly as I long to rock against my own hand. There’s still 8 minutes until the restaurant opens and I know already that Gareth will never ever last that long. I push hard against my own palm as I sit sideways on the leather seat, my seatbelt off and my skirt scrunched between my legs.
I am almost having an orgasm as Gareth shouts at us not to look at him. Instead I force myself to look at my boyfriend as his eyes sparkle in lust and his cheeks are flushed. He knows exactly what’s going on for me and suddenly staring at him makes me want him so much. Looking at the cute curl in his hair where he let it dry naturally after the shower, his deep brown eyes that draw me and the way his mouth turns when I know he’s aroused makes me realise that while Gareth has made me horny with his squirming and all his voicing of how desperate he is to piss I ultimately only have eyes for one man, I only really want to fuck Liam regardless how cute Gareth looks in his branded clothes that cost more than I earn in a month.
We both know what Gareth is doing, the noise obvious and his sighs and words telling. While I force myself to try to sit as still as possible, very aware I am wriggling in small circular movements that I can’t stop, in the silence that is only broken by the sound of urine gushing out of Gareth and pooling under the car I smile shyly at Liam while my throbbing wet vagina pulses between my legs throbbing rhythmically against my hand. I can’t climax here! I absolutely can’t!
Finally Gareth stands up as we hear him zip himself back up and he climbs in the car.
“Really sorry about that guys. God that feels so much better! So..do you want to go inside for a coffee or anything when they open or would you prefer I drop you at your aunt’s?”
Liam, who has turned his body again to face forwards now Gareth is back in the car, turns to see me again.
“I’m ok to head straight to Chester if that’s ok with you? We can go in for a coffee or tea if you’d prefer though? I know you said you wanted the loo earlier.”
I did want to pee earlier but now as I try to calm from being so aroused that need has subsided considerably and as I look over at Yasmin sleeping in her car seat I think it would be easier all round if we headed to Chester right away.
“Chester is fine by me. I can use the toilet when we get there. It’s not urgent.”
“Right Chester it is. Apologies again for delaying you both.”
The engine starts and I clip my seatbelt back on as Gareth reverses out the parking space and through the almost empty car park, past the entrance to Asda and back onto the motorway. The rest of the journey I try my best to relax, watching the scenery out the window and thinking of my family back home. In just a couple of hours they’ll be heading to chapel, expecting me to be there no doubt, as I always am, and assuming I’ll come back home with them and forget I ever left. I wonder how Theresa is getting on in Belfast, how Niamh and Iain are doing at university, if Aisling’s bump is any more noticeable yet and if her sickness has finally stopped now she’s on tablets from the doctor. I then think of Anthony and Rory at home wondering who will make their breakfast and if mam is well enough for chapel. Has dad told any of them I am in England? Did he believe me when I told him that’s where I was going?
Before I know it we’ve pulled off the motorway and we seem to be following signs for Chester city centre as the houses are in total contrast to Bangor and I feel like I’ve suddenly been transported to an entirely different world. Gareth appears to know exactly where he’s going as the streets narrow and he has to keep stopping at traffic lights. I assume we aren’t far from Liam’s aunt’s house now as Gareth indicates to go down an even narrower street of Victorian terraces as he slows down even more as if looking for somewhere to pull in.
“Number 20 isn’t it?”
“Well remembered.”
“Some things just stick in your mind eh.”
“That’s true. That’s us here Megan. It’s just a couple of door up. Do you want to put the car seat on the buggy or just carry the seat in?”
“Yasmin is still asleep. I think I’ll carry her in still in her seat if that’s ok.”
“I’ll help you Megan. Here Matilda asked me to give you this before I forget. Actually she asked me to pick up some food for you both but we both forgot about it being Sunday and the shops being shut until 10. When her mum died a couple of years ago she said everyone gets you flowers but what you really need is more practical stuff so she said this is in leu of flowers. Hope that’s ok.”
I look at what he hands me as I unclip Yasmin’s seat and then look at him in shock.
“Thank you so much. That’s extremely kind of you.”
“We’ve got two kids ourselves. These chairs get right heavy with a baby in. Let me help.”
Gareth carries the car seat in while he presses a button to open his boot. Liam picks up his hold-all while putting my backpack on his shoulder and then pulling out the folded buggy leaving me to carry the baby changing bag and a Lidl bag. As I stand on the front step of Liam’s aunt’s I feel nervous, excited and I suddenly need to pee again too. Liam unlocks the door, pushing it open against two weeks worth of post as the three of us walk right into Liam’s aunt Ella’s living room as I put the bags down and try to take in my new home for the next few days.
It really couldn’t be more different to the Bloomfield estate back in Bangor in every way. |
Chapter 198
Liam
The closer we get to Chester the more emotional I feel just thinking of walking into my aunt’s house and her not being there. My eyes sting with the reality that I’ll never again see her as the car is quiet with all three of us consumed with our own thoughts. Passing the cut off for Upton where I lived in so many different flats with my mum just adds to my memories as I wonder how she is doing in hospital in Spain and wether she’ll ever get the kidney transplant she so desperately needs. She hated Chester and couldn’t leave quick enough, telling me for years though that I was still better off here even though she detested the place. I never could see her logic in that one.
As signs for Hoole and the city centre point to the next exit I swallow a lump in my throat as I stare out the window wishing I was back in my small flat in Bangor. A sign at a large roundabout only increases my anxiety as I see the words ‘Queens Park’ and images of Lauren Bennett and her posh detached house with its private garden leading to the river Dee come to mind. Has she heard about my aunt? Will she dare to come to her funeral tomorrow? Surely even she wouldn’t be so cunning and underhanded to do that? The last person I ever want Megan to meet is her…or her parents!
As is normal in Westminster Street parking is a nightmare, but thankfully Gareth pulls the Merc, which incidentally doesn’t look out of place at all in this area, just a few doors up from my aunt’s. I assume Derek returned the key to the secret hiding place but as I have my own I decide to check that later. Standing on the front step takes me right back 16 years ago when my mum stood with me here for the last time. Placing the bags and buggy down so I have both hands free I dig out my keys and put the all too familiar silver key into the lock and turn it. The door feels heavier than I remember but then I see that I’m pushing against a small pile of post as I realise no-one has been in the property since the day Derek found my aunt exactly two weeks ago to the day. I shiver at that thought then pick up the bags and walk in, Gareth with the baby and Megan behind me.
“Well I’ll leave you both to it. Sorry I held you both up again. See you tomorrow at Ebenezer Baptist.”
I hug my best mate as he opens the front door and heads back to his hotel to his wife and children. As I close the door I turn and look at Megan as she’s standing right in the middle of the cosy living room looking around.
“Want me to show you around? God it feels weird being back here, especially without my aunt here.”
Megan nods so I take her hand and lead her through into the dining room where there’s stairs to the upstairs and then on through to the kitchen where she can see through the patio doors out to my aunt Ella’s back yard, which is paved and stoned but which my aunt has made lovely and colourful with potted plants. I take her up the carpeted stairs to the toilet above the kitchen, then the small single room that was my room for so many years, and then into my aunt’s large double bedroom. As I stand at the doorway to my aunt’s room I can’t help the tears that fall easily down my cheeks as I hold Megan close as I notice my dear aunt’s Bible lying open on her bedside table and her duvet still open from when she was last here. It’s like she’s only downstairs making a cup of tea or nipped to the shops as reminders of her are everywhere.
“Would you rather go back downstairs?”
In between tears I nod as my girlfriend holds me in her arms as I turn to face the open bathroom as Megan pulls away and takes my hand to lead me back down to the front room. As I look into my old bedroom as I pass I pause taking a step closer to the door as Megan patiently waits still holding my hand.
“Do you want to go in?”
“Yes. If that’s ok?”
“Of course it is Liam. It’s your bedroom isn’t it? Your things? If it’s ok though I’ll just use the toilet then I’ll join you. I would actually love to see your old bedroom here.”
I let her go as she walks towards the open bathroom right ahead of us as I walk into my old bedroom which is more or less how I left it when I was last here other than a couple of boxes of things my aunt has clearly tidied away but never did get time to get rid of before she died. I open my built in wardrobe and gasp at seeing so many familiar clothes I haven’t seen in months and trainers and shoes neatly sitting in rows beneath them. I close the wardrobe and open the drawers near the end of the bed finding drawers full of socks and underwear and even swimming trunks that I’d forgotten I even had. I glance at the shelves of books and football tournament regalia and trophies and remember getting every single one of them.
It’s like I have returned to an old life yet I’m someone completely different now. It’s emotional and unsettling but more than anything it’s distressing to be here when my aunt Ella isn’t. Even though this place was my home for so many years, a haven whenever Lauren up and went abroad without any notice or I fell out with her or we were both too busy, now it feels so strange and uncomfortable. It lacks the personality, the life and love that my aunt gave it.
It lacks her, and that breaks my heart so much. |
Chapter 199
Megan
I had no idea houses like this even existed! It’s immaculate, spacious, and yet homely and personal all at the same time. When Liam guides me around I am in awe at everything. A dining room? I’ve never even ever eaten in one of those. The compact square cottage style kitchen with it’s colourful toaster, kettle and coffee machine is so clean and show home like that I’m waiting for an estate agent to tell me when it was fitted and where the dish washer is. The double patio doors leading to the back garden makes my garden back home look like a tip with its neat slabs and red stoned areas interspersed with colourful bright plants. It’s not a garden area for children yet it still feels full of love and clearly treasured.
Upstairs seeing the open bathroom reminds me how much I need to pee but then
Liam points out his old room and his aunt’s room. Looking into his aunt’s bright spacious bedroom right onto the bed in front of us it’s obvious someone was lying in the bed recently as the duvet is slung open and the under sheet crinkled. I suddenly recall Liam saying that his poor aunt was found dead in her bed and I look at Liam crying wanting to immediately take him away and back to Bangor. I know how difficult it was seeing my own mam’s bed after she was rushed to hospital so I sympathise greatly with Liam and do the only thing I can and hold him. I really need to pee but now isn’t the time as my boyfriend sobs into my shoulder quietly as we stand holding each other for support.
I suggest going back downstairs not just to help Liam to get more composed but because I don’t want Yasmin waking wondering where I am. I leave Liam to look around his old room as I use the toilet, wash my hands and return to him, putting my arms around him from behind and making him jump.
“I didn’t mean to give you a fright honey.”
He turns putting his arm around me and showing me a photo.
“It’s me and my mum. Think I must have been about 7 when that was taken. It was just after my birthday that year when we went to Wales on a day trip.”
I’m remembering his earlier memory of being left in a train.
“Was that around the same age as when you got left in the train?”
“The very same year! Everyone thinks of Chester as being in England, which it is, but it’s also one of the closest cities to Wales and many of the trains are actually run by Welsh companies. Mum used to love taking me on the train to Wales to the beach but after the time I accidentally got left in the train I was so anxious she said it was too stressful. This was probably the last time I ever went to the beach as a child. I remember mum asking a random stranger to take this photo of us both.”
“I still can’t believe your mam left you. I mean my mam is sick, has been for years, and my dad…well you’ve met him…but they wouldn’t abandon their own kids.”
“What about Yasmin?”
“They think they’re doing the right thing, I guess. They probably think someone else can do better than they can with her having Downs.”
Liam looks again at the photo in his hand.
“I expect my mum thought the same. I was about to sit my exams the year after she left and looking back I think she thought aunt Ella could do a better job than she could. I adore my aunt Megan but nothing beats being with your own mum.”
“I know. I think that’s why I stayed home when my siblings left. My mam and I never got on but at the end of the day she’s still my mam. She still carried me for 9 months, gave birth to me and did her best to raise me even though I made her so ill. I guess your mam at least left you with someone you knew, someone who loved you already, someone who she knew would never left you down. To me that’s different from putting your own child into care, handing them to complete strangers who don’t know them and severing all contact. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive my parents for even thinking that let alone wanting to do it to their own baby. I’ll still always love them but I won’t trust them or forgive them. Talking of Yasmin, I’d better get down and see if she’s ok. The poor baby won’t know where she is when she wakes.”
“Ok, I’ll be down shortly.”
“Fancy a tea or coffee?”
“Oh that would be lovely…oh there won’t be any milk will there? There’s a Sainsburies local just around the corner. What time is it? “
“Just gone 20 to 9”
“Drat. It won’t be open yet. Do you reckon it’s too early to knock next door and see if they can spare us some?”
“Probably. Though my family would all be up to get ready for chapel by now.”
“I’ll go try. Jim and Sandy are brilliant. I can’t wait for you to meet them.”
Liam follows me downstairs, the photo still in his hand.
“Oh I’ve got a funny story to tell you about Jim and Sandy and my aunt Ella. She assumed they were brothers living together then one day Sandy told her he was getting married. She congratulated him and went to work. When she came home she saw Jim and he happened to tell her he was getting married too. Aunt Ella, as naive as ever, commenting to him that it was amazing they’d both found someone and got engaged at the same time. You should have seen her face apparently when Jim looked at her strangely and told her they were both engaged..to each other. Jim and Sandy still laugh about it. My poor aunt had no idea they were gay. Sums up my aunt really, though she did actually go to their wedding which really surprised me as she always came across as someone who would see being gay as not in the Bible or something. I suppose she was willing to swallow her pride because she cared about them both, which was a true testament to how lovely she was. But come on…two men living together and both engaged…hilarious! You put the kettle on and I’ll see if they have milk to spare. Be right back!”
I check Yasmin is still asleep in her car seat then make my way through the dining room into the kitchen as I fill the bright red kettle with water and switch it on, opening cupboards to find tea or coffee and mugs.
I smile thinking of the story Liam just shared about the neighbours wondering what my own Catholic parents would make of a gay couple next door. Thankfully I don’t need to worry about that right now, though I still miss them all dearly and wonder how everyone is back in Bangor. |
Chapter 200
Liam
Seeing my room fills me with so much emotion, from the blue and white striped duvet on the single bed that Aunt Ella bought me to match the colours of Chester football club that I followed rigorously for years, to seeing my old PC that I saved up for for months in my late teens, to opening the wardrobe and seeing all my familiar clothes and shoes. However, the one thing that jumps out most of all is a photo on my old desk by my PC taken on a beach in North Wales when I was about 7. My mum is smiling with her arm around me looking on proudly at the big castle I have built with sand including a moat and shells to decorate it. I have this sudden flashback to her telling me to breathe deeply and put my head between my knees as we went on the train and I had ,what I now know was a panic attack, terrified I would get left on the train again.
Yet none of that is obvious in the photo and all I see now many years later is my mum looking happy and a 7 year old me looking proud as anything with his creation. I show the photo to Megan and tell her briefly about the day trip with my arm around her before she reminds me that Yasmin is downstairs sleeping and she, naturally, wants to be there when she wakes. She mentions making tea and I realise that the shops still aren’t open but wonder if Jim and Sandy might have milk I can borrow and replace later when Sainsburies opens. Thinking of them reminds me of the time Jim told me when they got engaged and how my aunt actually thought they both had girlfriends. We all laughted at that for such a long time. I tell Megan as we walk downstairs and I walk through the lounge to head next door.
Sandy answers the door still in his pyjamas as he hugs me openly saying how sorry he is about Ella and how much they already miss her. I explain about just arriving from Ireland with my girlfriend and her baby sister on the ferry and ask if they have any spare milk I can borrow to get us some tea. Sandy returns with an unopened 2 pint carton asking if I need anything else. Before going I double check they know about the funeral tomorrow but he solemnly nods saying quietly that they will both be there and how sorry they are to hear of Ella’s passing. I nod and quietly return next door to find Yasmin no longer in her car seat but instead in Megan’s arms in the small kitchen.
I give Megan the milk and offer to take the baby. Holding Yasmin doesn’t feel awkward any more as I hold her close snd tell her that this is my aunt’s house where she’s staying for most of the week. I watch as Megan makes us both tea and puts some milk into a baby bottle for her sister. Once again I’m in awe at how adept she seems in a strange kitchen and how easily she uses a microwave she’s never once used before. I reach over her, shielding the baby, as I remember all too well where the biscuits always were and I pull out a packed of unopened custard creams. As we head to the dining table my ever practical girlfriend starts talking about how after our tea we really should go through my aunt’s fridge and cupboards and throw out all the out of date food. I nod as I sit down with Yasmin on my knee.
“You ok to give her her milk?”
“Of course.”
Over tea Megan is on a roll, though a little overwhelming at times. She goes and picks up the post by the door, bringing it all into the dining room and opening each one. It seems wrong to be opening my aunt’s mail but Megan reminds me that we are only here until Thursday and unfortunately there are things that need to be done. I nod and feed the baby while helping myself to a few custard creams with my tea as Megan systemically opens each item of post and makes two piles.
“Right, did you bring the death certificates from home? So far in this pile I have gas and electric company to inform, who thankfully sent a statement so we at least know her account numbers now, and although this is just a standard letter about new promotions I assume as it’s addressed to your aunt that this one from Sky means she’s very likely with them for TV and maybe internet too. The flyers for Farmfoods and double glazing and stuff can be binned and then there’s this one from Mission without Walls. Did your aunt support them as this looks like a supporter newsletter?”
“You’ve lost your vocation in life Megan. You ought to be a detective or something. Auntie had Sky TV and internet yes, and I remember her talking to me about a little Romanian girl and showing me photos. I think her name might have been Taydem or something like that. Her little sponsor girl. She always did those shoebox appeal things at Christmas too. She was right into all that.”
I sip my coffee while Megan appears to look up something on her phone.
“There’s lists online which will help. Places that need informed whenever someone dies. I know it’s Sunday but I think we should maybe start anyway. I know it’s horrible honey but the sooner you inform the bank, the energy suppliers, the telephone and internet companies and the council the better it will be. I’ll help you. I think now-a-days you can do loads by email which is so much easier.”
I nod. I’m so grateful Megan agreed to come with me. I wouldn’t be able to do any of this without her.
“Oh and if you know where the clean bedsheets are I’ll change the double bed. I don’t think either of us would feel comfortable sleeping in it how it is just now.”
I finish my coffee and take the empty baby bottle from Yasmin as I look directly at Megan admiring her so much. She’s like my guardian angel send from God and there’s no way I could ever manage without her now.
“Thank you Megan. You really are one in a million, you know that?” |
Chapter 201
Megan
Sadly with my gran, my aunt and my uncle all having passed away in the last five years I have more than enough experience of helping sort out things after death. My mam, given her mental instability, couldn’t do anything when her brother passed and as he had never married, like Liam’s aunt, I was expected to help her sort things out. Shaun did do the bulk of it but just being there during that period taught me so much. As hard as it is to inform agencies and companies it’s better for everyone that it’s done sooner rather than later. None of my relatives had any assets of real worth though, all renting properties or, in my gran’s case, living in a nursing home. I hope Liam doesn’t think I’m being cold hearted or taking over a role he feels he should take but opening up the mail gives me so much insight to his dearly loved aunt.
Liam at least agrees to me sending some emails to the mission organisation, Sky and British Gas while he has Yasmin and somehow still manages to take the bags upstairs and put the buggy and car seat neatly under the stairs in the dining room. We then find some bin bags and go through the fridge and cupboards to throw out all the food that has past it’s used by date, before Liam shows me where his aunt keeps spare bedding and I change the double bed. By the time we have done this Liam suggests a walk to Sainsburies to get some food to tide us over until we leave on Thursday, so I strap Yasmin in the buggy part of the buggy for the first time since I got the travel system, leaving the car seat part under the stairs.
I can’t believe how close the house is to so many amenities as just the few minutes walk to the local supermarket has us passing a doctors surgery, a garage, a butcher and a baby clothes shop. The shops are in a different league to anything I’ve ever seen back in Bangor as a quick glance in the baby shop window has me almost fainting at the prices. However the Sainsburies is pretty standard and we get everything needed for our stay and head back to the house to put it all away. I heat some baby food for Yasmin for lunch and make some sandwiches for Liam and myself. Liam is just finishing washing the dishes when the bell rings.
Liam seems to know at least one of the smartly dressed men as he invites them both in. They introduce themselves as Reverend Andrew Watt from Ebenezer Baptist church and Mr Jonathan Lyon from Co-op funeral directors. Yasmin thankfully isn’t at all phased by their formal suits and ties as she crawls around the living room with a few of her toys. I sit next to Liam on one sofa while they sit under the window on another while we discuss final arrangements for the morning. We are given a folder by Mr. Lyon entitled ‘What to do when someone dies’ and he very tactfully and sensitively talks us through who needs to be informed. Liam updates them on who I have already contacted and then for the first time something very significant is mentioned that I had yet to even think about: did Ella Jude leave a Will?
Liam suddenly ups and leaves the room and I debate wether I should go after him. Has it all got too much? It certainly wouldn’t surprise me as it’s like information overload to me and it’s not even my relative! While he’s gone the atmosphere relaxes a little as Yasmin pulls on the reverend’s leg as if wanting lifted up. I apologise and get up to get her but Mr Watt smiles, picks her up and starts talking to her in a natural friendly way sitting her on his knee casually.
“She’s adorable. What’s her name?”
“Yasmin. She’s my little sister.”
“God really wanted to bless your family I see. She’s a very special gift to be treasured, is this one. My wife’s a speech therapist and she works a lot with children with Down’s syndrome. She often tells me what an honour it is to work with such amazing kids.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
“I have three of my own, two at secondary school now though, and the other joins them this September, but as much as it’s lovely to have them that bit more independent I do miss them being this age such a lot.”
Liam returns handing a plastic folder to the funeral director.
“If Aunt Ella had a Will I expect it might be in there.”
“Would you prefer to look through yourself Mr. Jude?”
“No, it’s fine. I wouldn’t know what I was even looking for to tell you the truth.”
With my sister over the other side of the room I head over to get her as the men open the plastic folder and pull out the contents. Standing by them holding Yasmin I recognise familiar things like a car registration document, house deeds, a birth certificate , insurance documents, and then finally a formal letter from a solicitor with papers paper clipped to it. As Mr Lyon flips the letter up I can clearly see that Liam’s aunt left a Will, though I’m not close enough to be able to read it. I put Yasmin back on the floor and head back to Liam who is still standing from when he handed the folder over. I stand beside him holding his arm in mine as the minister smiles up at us nervously.
“Your aunt has left a Will and you may or may not be surprised to hear that she has left everything to you Liam.”
“But…but what about my mum, her sister?”
“There’s no mention of any sister here at all. Only you. Sole beneficiary: Mr Liam Jude. You are listed as the executor too.”
“What does that mean?”
“Basically it is your responsibility to sort out your aunt’s affairs.”
I notice that the funeral director is still flicking through the documents from the wallet.
“Just glancing through here it appears the estate has considerable value Mr Jude. You are free, of course, to use any other probate services, but if you wish we can take care of all this as part of the service we offer. There is a fee, but I can assure you we are very competitive. I also notice Miss Jude owned a car. While the value of this will have to be included within the estate it is perfectly acceptable that ownership of this can be transferred to yourself immediately, though you will need to inform DVLA and arrange tax and insurance. There’s a part on this registration document to fill in and send away, assuming, that is, that you want the…2019 Suzuki Celerio”
Still holding Liam’s arm in mine I look at him as it’s obvious he’s still very much in shock. All he seems able to do is nod at the man before turning to look at me as I feel he wants me to say something and make a decision. We are due to return to Ireland in just 4 days time so it makes better sense for everything to be sorted by the co-op as I let go of .Liam to return next door to the dining room and hand Mr. Lyon the pile of male I sorted earlier and the four death certificates Liam had sent to him in Bangor. Liam signs a few forms before both men leave as I think the best thing right now is to make my boyfriend a mug of coffee. |
Chapter 202
Liam
Sitting back in the dining room sipping coffee I feel so overwhelmed, so shocked at what I have just heard. I’m glad Megan had me agree to the Co-op man doing everything for me as I feel so numb right now I know I would be useless at sorting everything out. While I know Megan is sitting opposite me holding Yasmin in her arms as she mouths on a toy I still feel so lonely, so heartbroken, so lost. There so much to think about and I don’t know where to even begin as we sit in silence trying to process what’s just happened.
Our peace is rudely interrupted by Megan’s mobile ringing as Megan picks it up and quietly answers it. I look up at her face trying to gauge who it is by her expression but as everything is silent apart from a faint clock ticking I can actually hear a male voice on the phone as Megan puts the phone onto speaker phone and puts it on the table as Yasmin tries to reach it off her.
“So…you didn’t come to chapel then? I should tell you that dad isn’t at all happy. Lilly has had to go back to the house and make the boys lunch. Your mam made it to chapel but is now back in bed and dad is upstairs with her sitting looking after her. You know full well that Lilly works full time, as do I. We can’t possibly be there Meg, and you know it! I told dad that you’d be there this morning and all would be ok and now…well just tell me where you are and I’ll come get you!”
“I couldn’t go to chapel Shaun. I’m not even in Ireland!”
“Oh my God Megan! You haven’t cleared off with some older man and left the country have you? Dad said you’d come back for some things with a man? You have got Yasmin with you haven’t you? For God’s sake are you insane? Get yourself to an airport and get back here by tomorrow. Mam is just out of hospital and we assured them there was someone at home all the time to care for her. Tomorrow morning her mental health nurse is coming to check on her. You know what’s dad’s like with people in the house so we both know he’ll just sit in the kitchen. Do you ever think about others Megan? Just for a minute? Do you not care about Anthony or Rory at all? Aisling and Harrison are every bit as livid as Lilly and I. I can’t expect Aisling to be there tomorrow. You do remember she’s pregnant don’t you?”
I recognise the voice, though the words seem so cruel and cutting for the man who I know as my boss. It’s like suddenly seeing his true colours and I look at my girlfriend in utter disbelief. She shrugs as if this rant isn’t new to her at all as she just sits back in her chair letting her little sister climb all over her while the voice rants on. Finally when he stops for a breather Megan replies in an astonishingly calm manner compared to the rage I feel.
“Yes Shaun, Yasmin is here with me. She’s doing great, thanks for asking. I am here with my boyfriend who has recently lost a member of his immediate family. Tomorrow I am going to the funeral with him. I’ll be sure to contact you again when I get back to Ireland, which won’t be until nearer the end of the week, at the earliest. Do send my love to everyone but unfortunately I’m afraid I can’t be there tomorrow, though I do hope all goes well. Don’t forget the boys are off for the holidays so they’ll be home too.”
“We’ll if mam gets taken back into hospital and your own brother’s have nothing to eat then I clearly know who to blame! I’m utterly sick of you Meg! You don’t deserve to be called a Murphy!”
I look at Megan with my mouth open in shock. I had no idea my own boss could be so vindictive and cruel. I somehow manage to pull my jaw closed and speak as Megan clicks to finish the call even though it sounds like her brother has already hung up.
“Well he seems happy for you.”
Megan bursts out laughing at the sarcasm, having to put her sister down as she chuckles way more than I feel necessary.
“Oh Liam! I really needed that laugh. Thank you. You’ve probably already realised but he’s not like that at work, thankfully. He saves that wonderful side of his nature rather exclusively for me. I really should be honoured I guess.”
“What’s his problem anyway? I mean it’s not like you’re the only child in the family. I don’t understand.”
“Shaun’s the eldest. He likes to organised us all, sort everything out, fix things…boss us all really. He likes to be in charge and hates his authority being questioned. I suppose that’s party why he’s successful at his work, but as far as family relationships go he has a lot to learn. I’m guessing he swung mam getting discharged by promising whoever he needed to that I was always home so mam wouldn’t be alone. God only knows what he told them about me…probably that I’m some Cinderella who devotes her life to cleaning, cooking, and caring for everyone with no other life. He knows when they come see mam at home now and I’m not there it will oust him as a liar. One thing our Shaun can’t abide is anyone questioning him or showing him up. It’s only now I’ve left that I think they all realise what I did I guess.”
“I can relate to that.”
“Sorry, I know being here must be so hard. You’ll get through this, I promise.”
“And I promise to not let you be treated like dirt ever again too. So, fancy seeing my new car I appear to have inherited today? I presume it’s in the garage where my aunt usually parked.”
“Garage? You mean there’s a garage with this place too? Oh my word! I feel like I’m royalty in this place. Was your aunt loaded or what?”
“Ha! She’d say it was because she had no-one to spend her money on. No husband or kids. She worked and saved and mum could never understand why she lived so long at home but she told me when I moved in that she spent years staying with her parents so she could afford a deposit. She was careful with her money. This place has probably increased in value rather a lot since she bought it too. She had a lot of wisdom I think.”
“I think she sounded very wise, and very kind too. She obviously loved you very much too.”
“I loved her too.”
“I know. So where’s this garage?” |
Chapter 204
Liam
Megan is an amazing cook! I have no idea how she manages to turn a few simple ingredients from Sainsburies into such a delicious cottage pie. Yasmin doesn’t seem as taken with it as I do but it’s obvious that she tired and out of routine, poor kid. It takes a lot of effort from both Megan and myself just to get her eating enough to be full., by which time her mouth is covered, as are her hands and even her toes! I offer to get some wipes to clean her up but Megan feels she’d be better off having a bath and then going to bed. I need a pee but I don’t want to interrupt Megan bathing the baby so I round up the dishes and take them into the kitchen. I can’t find any dishwasher tablets anywhere so decide it will be better to hand wash everything and we can pick up some tablets another time.
Standing at the sink I find myself lightly moving from foot to foot even before I turn the taps on. Just the thought of running water, combined with standing up, is making my need increase, but I can hear the boiler clicking on with Megan running the bath for the baby and I don’t want to get in her way. I really hope I’m not taking the water away from upstairs as I rinse and wash the dirty dishes, the noice and feel of the water affecting my bladder such a lot. I can’t help thinking back to earlier in the morning and Gareth pacing in front of the closed restaurant as I jig about and squirm wondering if I can hold back quite as long as I’d like to.
I leave the dishes to dry on the rack and return to the dining room to sweep up and wipe the table. For once I’m glad my aunt isn’t around as I dance around the table tensing my muscles and pinching myself. She’d be mortified at my behaviour, but I can’t stop. The more I remember how Megan was in the back of the car earlier watching Gareth the more desperate I am determined to get. Just thinking that Megan will be turned on makes me randy and hard as I wonder how much longer she might be. I consider going up to find her but I worry seeing the bathroom might affect my self control so I decide to wait downstairs and continue tidying up. Wiping the kitchen worktops down I have to stop to grab myself twice and rinsing the cloth almost has me on the verge of pissing myself.
Then I hear Megan at the top of the stairs and dump the cloth in the caddy behind the taps, quickly leaving the kitchen to find her. We’re standing at the bottom of the stairs hugging when I hint that I really want to go upstairs. At first she thinks I’m simply wanting sex, which needless to say I most definitely do want, but first I plan to have some fun as I notice Megan finally catching on to my need. The little minx immediately suggests tea which thrills me but terrifies me all at the sane time. Filling the kettle is bloody torture as I stand crossed legged and have to pinch myself longer than before. I want Megan to decide when I get to pee though and submitting to her has me rock hard and longing for her so much. At least having a hard cock is making being bursting to pee a little more manageable.
I hand Megan her tea and follow her as she sits back at the dining table.
“Isn’t there a prayer vigil tonight then? You know, the reception of the body? Don’t you do that here in England then?”
I have no idea what she’s talking about as she must see my confused face and realise.
“The night before a funeral. Don’t you have a service then? With the coffin in the church?”
“The funeral’s tomorrow morning. That’s the only service honey.”
“You light candles though don’t you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“You have a priest wave the thurible with the burning incense though surely?”
“No.”
“Sprinkle the coffin with Holy Water?”
“I’ve never seen that done, no. Sounds like a lot of rituals to me. Tomorrow is the only service there will be. The coffin will be there in my aunt’s church and there will be readings, memories shared, songs sung and Andrew Watt, who you met this afternoon, will give a talk. Then we go in the funeral cars to the crematorium and there’s a very short service there followed by going back to the church for a little tea. By the way, any chance I can go pee yet?”
“Not yet. Liam, do you know if your aunt has any candles?”
“I’m not sure. If she did I’d imagine they will be in the bottom drawer in the kitchen with the screwdrivers, lightbulbs and other odds and ends. Want me to look?”
“Yes please. I’ll come with you.”
I leave my coffee and head back to the kitchen where I find an opened pack of tea lights in the bottom kitchen drawer. Seriously needing to piss I take one out and show Megan as I rub my penis through my jeans.
“This ok?”
“Yes. Any matches to light it?”
I use the gas rings on the oven to carefully light the small candle before carrying it through to the dining room and sitting it on a saucer in the middle of the table. I sit back down opposite Megan sipping at my tea whilst squirming on the dining chair.
“Don’t forget that I’m dying for the loo Meg.”
“I know but this is important to me Liam. Just imagine that you’re back in St. Mary’s chapel in Bangor. You wouldn’t leave a funeral to pee would you? Absolutely not. I’d really like to pray for your aunt. For her safe passing to Heaven. You don’t mind do you?”
“That would be lovely but are you absolutely sure I can’t just go to the toilet first?”
“I’d rather you didn’t honey. Believe me when I tell you I’ve had to sit through many a mass bursting to pee and I’m sure I told you already about the time I was almost wetting myself in confession too. It’s disrespectful to walk out during any of the rites or rituals. How about we start with Psalm 23? I loved us saying that together. Then I’ll say a couple of prayers for your aunt Ella. Did she have a favourite song? I’m sure you said she did? Amazing Grace wasn’t it?”
“Yes. It’s being sung tomorrow. Megan sweetheart, will this take long? It’s really beautiful and sweet of you, and I do seriously appreciate it…but I couldn’t just nip upstairs a minute before you start could I?”
There’s something about the way she winks at me, the turn of her lips when she smiles, like this is all part of a plan, a way to get me to wait, something she’s loving every minute of, that spurs me on to keep on holding despite the uncomfortableness and continuous tingling that’s extremely distracting.
All this reciting the Bible and praying and singing while the candle burns…it can’t possibly last that long. Can it? |
Chapter 205
Megan
Seeing Liam making tea for us both whilst dancing around the kitchen clearly desperate for the loo is unbelievably sexy. I can’t deny that he never fails to turn me on, every bit, in fact much more, than Gareth did this morning. There really is no better sight in my mind that a grown man squirming because he’s dying for the toilet. The fact Liam could go anytime he wants but he’s choosing to deliberately hold on for me thrills me more than I can put into words.
However, I assumed we’d be going to church tonight as is normal the night before a funeral for Catholics and I ask Liam why we aren’t. I’ve only ever known funerals in Saint Mary’s chapel so hearing that none of the normal funeral traditions I know are happening actually throws me. They all have such meaning, such significance, that not doing them just doesn’t seem right to me, especially the prayer vigil and lighting a candle in memory of the person. It makes me so uneasy that I’ll only feel better if I can do what I can for Liam’s aunt myself.
Watching as Liam finds a candle as he’s rubbing his cock with such urgency I can’t help but imagining him in the same situation I’ve been in myself, and not that long ago my younger brother Rory found himself in too, having to sit through Sunday mass with a very bursting bladder. I recall my younger brother sitting beside me restless and fidgeting throughout the prayers and sermon and singing and how I had to run him out at the end down the side of the old chapel and into the back area of the chapel so he could use the toilets. I try to imagine that instead of Rory it was Liam beside me and how rushing out as an adult would be highly inappropriate and disrespectful, regardless how urgent your need was.
I look at Liam and smile as he sits opposite me on the hard dining room chair unable to sit still, his leg bouncing continuously and one hand pressing on his crotch. I shiver at the memory of being in confession with Father Reilly just over a month ago as I too squirmed on the seat and held myself unable to sit still. The pressure and the constant tingling between my legs turned me on so much that day that when I finally ran out and down the side of the chapel I ended up hiding at the back of the old building and pulling my skirt up and knickers aside and peeing a storm outside, only barely out of view of anyone passing by. After peeing so much I was so incredibly turned on that I slipped a hand to my own wet and warm vagina and masturbated myself outside in the fresh air! Between the memory and watching Liam opposite me I am already very wet between my legs and extremely turned on. I could just let Liam piss then fuck him but the burning candle on the table reminds me of the prayers I feel still need to be said for Ella Jude.
I start reciting the 23rd Psalm as I have to bow my head to keep focus as I hear Liam joining in, though not as confidently as he did last night on the ferry. I glance at his pleading face as he sits rigidly forwards on the dining chair balancing precariously right on the edge. I bow my head again praying the familiar Catholic prayers I know by heart as I recite words that have been instilled into me from childhood. Between the words I can hear Liam lightly moaning and squirming as my own vagina throbs in my knickers. Warm mucus is oozing out of my body as I say Amen and look up at my boyfriend, his face screwed up in utter desperation and my own hand caressing between my legs.
He whispers quietly words that set my body alight.
“Please can I go?”
His eyes are pleading, his body tense, his lips trembling. I haven’t got incense to burn or Holy Water to put on a coffin but I really long to hear more about Ella Jude and what she was like.
“Liam, do you have any special memories of your aunt? I’d love to hear them.”
“Can I…”
I shake my head. If this was chapel he’d have no choice but to wait. I’m pretty sure his aunt would expect nothing less in her church too. I’m loving watching him but equally eager to hear more about his aunt.
He doesn’t say anything at first, his concentration appearing to be entirely focused on keeping his urine in, or maybe he’s just trying to think what to say.? I try to prompt him.
“What’s your earliest memory of her?”
“Emm…I remember a time when I was 6 I think? I’d got into this children’s football team and I had been chosen to play. It was early on a Saturday morning and my mum had promised me she’d come and see me. Aunt Ella had invited us over for dinner on the Friday night and I’d told her all about it. She was…ah….so proud of me. She drove mum and me back to our flat and as I went to bed I heard my mum on the phone…mmmm…to one of her boyfriends. Before I fell asleep I heard him arriving and music and laughing. I was too young to realise what they were doing but on the Saturday morning the boyfriend was asleep on the sofa when I woke and…fuck I gotta piss…mum was in the bathroom being sick. She couldn’t take me to the game because she was hungover and I started crying. She shouted at me then phoned aunt Ella. She came and..oh God…got my football…grrr….kit then put me in her car and took me to the game. She cheered so loud for me and I remember scoring a goal and running up to her at the end for a huge hug. Please…can I?”
Watching Liam is utterly captivating and I can’t stop stroking myself under the table, his moves and moans driving me crazy. Hoping he doesn’t notice I quietly slide my skirt down as it falls silently onto a heap on the floor. My legs are shaking as I spread them either side of the chair pushing down and back and forth loving the pressure sensation against my hard and growing clitoris. While sharing the memory I notice Liam has undone the button on his jeans too still squeezing and rubbing himself continuously as he speaks.
“That’s such a precious memory to treasure. Did you win the match?”
“I don’t think so. Fssss…oh God Megan I think a dribble leaked out.”
“Keep holding sweetheart. Tell me more about your Aunt.” |
Chapter 206
Liam
The only think keeping me holding on is watching what my desperation is doing to Megan. My knee is bouncing, my legs scissoring in and out faster and faster and I’m squeezing my dick for all I am worth. Megan recites that Psalm I have been reading but unlike the last time I can’t seem to think of the words as quickly as my concentration keeps wavering. I can feel my bladder hard and distended against my jeans, so much so that the pain of the waistband cutting in is almost too much.
While Megan prays I squirm as quietly as I can, anxious not to disturb her during such a poignant moment. What she’s doing is so precious, so appreciated, so lovely. But fuck my bladder needs emptied so badly! I slide right to the front edge of the dining chair as I wriggle and fidget constantly. It feels like the prayers are lasting forever as I press my fist against my anatomy furiously while I try and listen to my beautiful girlfriend.
When Megan starts asking me to share a memory of my aunt my mind initially goes blank, not because I don’t have any memories but more because of the relentless pressure in my crotch. Even though watching Megan’s hard slip between her open legs under the table keeps me very hard my heart is speeding and my forehead sweating as I fear any second my body will release piss everywhere. Yet knowing Megan is controlling me still thrills me as my cheeks blush and I finally remember a childhood story that sums up my aunt’s relationship with me and her kind and caring nature.
I start telling Megan about a football game as a very young child as my jeans now cut me so much I am forced to undo the top button as I watch wide eyed at Megan rocking in the seat in front of me as I see her skirt lying on the floor and her legs spread either side of the seat. It’s clear she’s enjoying herself, pleasuring herself even, against the hardness of the wooden chair as I start bouncing my bottom up and down fervently trying to stop my body from exploding. As soon as I finish the short story I fear my battle is coming to an end as I gasp as a dribble of warm urine leaks into my trunks. I wriggle and slide my hand inside my jeans frantically hoping to stem the flow immediately. I somehow manage but the flood gates sure are weakened and above to cave.
Yet she wants another memory still before I can go! I add a few one liners hoping this will abate her and I can use the toilet…that’s if I can even make it now!
“She bought me driving lessons.”
“She looked after me.”
“She bought me my first ever suit when I had my first ever interview.”
“She forgave me when I punched in my bedroom door in frustration.”
But Megan wants more…
Another dribble! Oh fuck I NEED to piss. God it’s right at the tip of my urethra screaming for release. My every gasp, my every squirm, feels like I’m putty in Megan’s hands as her own hands are both between her shaking bare legs as she rocks and strokes herself faster and faster on the chair right in front of me.
“Liam, there’s only one bathroom here. Did you ever find yourself desperate and your aunt was in the bath or the shower and you had to wait?”
“Oh God yes! Quite a few times babe! Oh sweetie please please can I piss? Look my trunks have a damp spot already. You can see I’m really really desperate baby!”
“Tell me the story first please.”
“Oh well there was this one time I was at a Chester match with my football mates. Their park is quite a journey away in Flintshire on the Welsh border. I bought some fizzy juice and snacks for the 90 minute game but it was warm so I bought another can at half time. By the middle of the second half I had to piss but didn’t want to miss the game. By the end of the game the queue to get out was crazy so I thought I could hold and get the bus back with my mates. By the time I got off at the bus station in town the toilets were shut so I walked home quickly very desperate and when I got in aunt Ella was in the bath! God honey, I can feel it coming! Shit baby I’m nearly losing it!”
Megan’s face is bright red, her legs shaking, her hands stroking over her knickers like crazy. She can hardly speak as she pants…
“What… happened?”
“I hid in the kitchen right there holding myself and squirming absolutely bursting to pee. Then I came back into here and held onto the back of the very chair you are sitting on. I tensed my full body and crossed my legs and held my penis tightly but…”
I stand, pulling my jeans down to my knees so Megan can see as my crotch is right in her eye line just above the table top as the damp patch on my trunks grows more, warm urine glistening and pushing through the material as I stand straight and allow the inevitable to happen just as it did that Saturday early evening in my early twenties.
Megan gasps as I see her visibly climax on the chair, shaking with intensity, her hair wet with sweat and her cheeks red and puffy.
“I couldn’t hold it. I just couldn’t. I had to go so so badly!”
My trunks are drenched as Megan stares as I piss and piss and piss unable to stop and not even wanting to anyway. The release is incredible, so relaxing, so relieving.
But just as I stop pissing something weird happens. My own bladder is empty but in the silence of the room I hear liquid still splashing as I step back and look under the table to see urine pouring off of Megan’s chair, soaking her discarded skirt and forming a large puddle on the wooden floor.
“I had to go very badly too. I hope you don’t mind. I couldn’t wait either!” |
Chapter 207
Megan
I can’t help the fact that I’ve been so horny all day! Right from the shower with Liam first thing to watching Gareth and hearing how bursting he was when he came to the port for us I’ve been easily aroused and continually damp.The more I keep thinking of Gareth the more I realise now that my attraction to him was as much about his urgent needs to pee and the fact he had such expensive smart clothes on that could be ruined if he had an accident. His whole stature and air of importance was in such contrast to his very urgent physical need, which is so common to us all, adding to my already high arousal from showering with Liam on the ferry. As the day passes I’m more and more certain that if I was to see Gareth again with a empty bladder I wouldn’t fancy him nearly as much, and here with me right now I have Liam, a man who always drives me crazy, who I love immensely, and who right this minute is squirming and fidgeting right in front of me making my vagina swollen, warm and wet…an awful lot!
I’m not sure if my high state of arousal was hiding it, or the added mug of tea just increased it, but the more Liam shares and the more I gyrate against the hard seat the more I actually really feel the need to pee myself. The pressure in my urethra and the tingling in my pussy just serve to intensify my need to orgasm as I pleasure myself by rubbing over and over against the hard seat as I listen to Liam and watch the flames of the candle. I was originally planning to end by singing the chorus from his aunt’s favourite hymn but I am starting to get breathless and hot so that’s not going to happen now.
I can feel things building steadily but my mind can hardly think of anything except how urgently Liam needs to piss and how desperate I am too and what his movements and words are doing to me. His gasps and moans and how he grabs himself as I watch his hand sliding inside his open jeans to cover his anatomy only make the throbbing in my privates faster and faster as I notice he can’t even say a full sentence now without having to intersperse it with ohs and ahs and gasps as I sense he’s going to leak, or indeed totally burst, any second now. The fact he can only just manage to share a few key quick sentences now about his beloved aunt is so telling as my eyes flash to an obvious wet patch in his light blue trunks as he moves his hands to adjust his jeans a bit.
The more I rock and push against the chair the more bursting I feel myself as I sympathise so much with Liam and can’t help imagining him in various situations where he would be as desperate as he is now but unable to go to the loo. I suddenly think of times back home when having just one bathroom meant I, and my siblings, were often desperate and had to wait. I wonder if living here with his aunt ever meant Liam couldn’t get into the toilet when he really wanted to? I hope he can manage to tell me because hearing about such an occasion will be the icing on the cake that takes my body over the edge to full blown orgasm.
I see his red cheeks and sparkling eyes as he looks right into my eyes, bouncing on his seat in extreme urgency, as he tells me a short but extremely sexy story of a time in his early twenties when he’d been to a football match and came home urgently having to piss but his dear aunt was in the bath. Just imagining his exasperation and frustration as he anticipated relief takes me closer and closer to climax so when he says that he stood behind the very seat I’m sitting on clenching his muscles for dear life I gyrate faster and faster, so close to orgasm but ever so close to having my own accident too.
Then he suddenly stands, his face beetroot red, his mouth contorted, his eyes tightly closed as he struggles to find the words to explain what happened next. But I can imagine! I am imagining, and it’s making me shake as I reach climax just as I watch urine seeping through Liam’s light blue trunks, penetrating the cotton and changing its colour and feel. I gasp, just as he does, as I gyrate so fast I think I’m rubbing the varnish off the chair seat as Liam pisses and pisses and pisses, his hairy legs glistening and the whole bottom and front of his jeans, still hanging at his knees, getting utterly drenched in warm urine.
The climax is wonderful, incredible, heavenly even, as I stare open mouthed at Liam as he raises his hands in surrender causing his now wet and heavy jeans to fall even further down his legs. Looking carefully I can still see glistening from his trunks as more stray dribbles and drips still make their way out. How warm and comforting it must feel against his skin! How ecstatic he must feel at finally releasing all the pressure he’d fought against so valiantly for so long. As I allow my own body to fully relax I feel a dribble escape my own urethra as I feel the warmth against my public hairs. The empty mug sitting on the table is a stark reminder that my own bladder is struggling too.
I take a deep breath in, allowing myself to exhale slowly and fully as my diaphragm lowers slowly just as my urethra lets go and my bladder releases. I know I’m saturating the dining chair and my skirt on the floor and forming a puddle on the natural wooden floor but I just reach a point of no return. I really and truly was desperate and I would never have made it upstairs to the bathroom.
I let my body fully empty before standing up, my legs still either side of the chair as I take another big breath in, let it out slowly then look right at my wet boyfriend in front of me.
“I had to go too. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Not one bit!”
“So you fancy making some more tea and I’ll clear up in here?”
“Sounds perfect to me!” |
Chapter 212
Liam
My aunt was a God mum? That’s another thing she never ever told me. I look at the baby boy crawling along on the foam jigsaw pieces with his fine blond hair and wonder why my aunt felt the need to not share with me. Was I too busy, too caught up in my own troubles with Lauren Bennett and the carry on working for her parents, or was there some other reason? She obviously doted on her God son so why not tell me about him?
I’m still mulling it over when Mabel comes up and starts talking to me.
“Ella would have loved that service Liam. You did her so proud and your memory that Andrew shared on your behalf had me in tears. She loved you so much, like her very own son. Such a shame her sister couldn’t make it. You will keep in touch won’t you? We’ve already lost dear Ella and it would be awful to not hear how you are doing too. I’m so sorry for your loss Liam.”
“Thank you. I’m just hearing about my aunt being a God mum. I can’t believe she never told me.”
“She never said? Well that surprises me. She was so excited from the day Cara showed her the positive test. Always wanted to hear how her check ups were going and see her scans. She was the first to visit them when little Joshua was born too. Been a huge support to them both for the last year. It’s just so sad she won’t see the baby grow up. She was desperate to be a gran. None of us felt right at the baby’s party last week. She really should have been there.”
She sighs and I watch silently as she wanders off to speak to someone else. I sip my coffee watching the two babies playing when I hear another familiar voice.
“You got a lovely day and a good turn out mate. You can’t ask for better than that really. You managed to grab a coffee or tea yet? What about a sandwich?”
I smile at my best mate as Gareth holds his hot drink at arms length and pats me on the back affectionately.
“Hardly a dry eye in the house during that service. Not so keen on that crem though. You know I’ve been there 3 times now for different people and regardless what the weather is it’s always freezing there. This is nice though. Good of the church to do this, don’t you reckon?”
I nod, very grateful to the church people for everything they have done.
“So what you done with Megan then?”
“She’s just here…”
I turn around but the room is so full of people I can’t see her. I assume she’s maybe chatting to someone,
“She was here a minute ago. She’s in the room somewhere anyway. What about Matilda? Where have you lost her now?”
“Ha! She’s just away to the ladies. She wanted to go after the service but I wasn’t sure of the way to the crematorium and wanted to follow the cars so she didn’t have time. I told her on the drive there that they’d be loos there but then I didn’t even see any. The cold wait must have troubled her somewhat as all the way back here she kept reminding me how bad she had to go. Least I get to escape her nagging now she’s finally found a ladies.”
“Maybe I ought to tell her about you yesterday morning on the drive from the ferry to here?”
“Don’t you even dare Liam! Well I’m afraid we can’t actually stay much longer. Got to pick up the kids from my mum’s then we’re off to the cottage. Will you get back to the ferry ok? When are you leaving for Ireland again?”
“Thursday night. My aunt left me her car so if I can get insurance and road tax organised we might be able to take that back. Thanks again for getting us yesterday. Meant a lot to us both. Oh, there’s Megan just there with the baby! She’s just heading here by the looks of it if you can wait a minute?”
I notice Gareth staring at my girlfriend’s body as she gets ever closer with Yasmin in her arms. He hasn’t seen his wife approaching him from behind as I smile at Matilda in her knee length black skirt, flesh tights, fitted blouse and black suit jacket. She’s every bit as tall as Liam, slightly lighter skin colour but still dark skinned as I naughtily can’t help thinking of her desperate to pee in her tightly fitted skirt. Megan rushes towards me looking like she really wants to tell me something but immediately changes her mind as she instantly recognises Gareth.
“Good to see you again Gareth. Is this your wife?”
The look on Gareth’s face as he turns suddenly from ogling my girlfriend to face his own wife is priceless as I can’t help smiling. I’ve been guilty of wandering eyes in the past and I can’t deny Megan has a stunning natural figure that makes me immensely proud to be with her but this serves him right! I only wish I’d caught it on camera to be able to bribe him in times to come.
“Ye….yes of course! Matilda this is Megan, Liam’s girlfriend from Ireland. Megan, this is my wife Matilda.”
“Good to meet you Matilda. Sorry I can’t shake your hand as I have the baby. This is my younger sister Yasmin. I was just going to see if I could find her something to eat. She’s getting fussy seeing everyone else eating, not that I blame her for that. So I hope you’ll excuse me for a minute. I’ll be back in a bit.”
Gareth can’t help himself as I watch him steal another look at my Megan’s bottom as she walks through the crowd to get food for the baby. He can look, but if he ever so much as dares touch my Megan I’ll never forgive him, and I have a feeling Matilda won’t either! |
Chapter 213
Megan
As soon as my tea is finished I return the mug to the kitchen hatch and pop into the baby area to get Yasmin, who is now starting to get unsettled. I know she’s hungry so I pick her up, making sure to thank Cara and Paul for looking after her so well, and head through the crowd towards the hatch again to get my sister a small sandwich or mini sausage roll or whatever they might have. As I close the baby gate and turn around I see Liam standing and I recognise Gareth with him immediately. Gareth’s eyes appear to be heavy on my breasts which, while flattering, makes me feel uncomfortable especially when he immediately introduces me to his wife.
Matilda is exactly how I imagined her to be: tall, slender, with beautiful long black hair, and dressed as immaculately as her husband. As much as I’d love to speak with her more Yasmin is getting more and more upset so I excuse myself and carry her over towards the food. I pick up a paper plate and put a few things on for us both then look around to see if there’s anywhere I can maybe sit down with her. As I’m looking Paul appears behind me and takes the plate from me, smiling at me.
“There’s a table at the side if you’d find that easier? I’ll show you.”
I follow him through all the people talking and sit down beside an elderly couple as Paul puts the plate down and asks if Yasmin drinks out a tippy cup. I nod and he returns soon afterwards with a baby cup with water in.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. You don’t realise how hard everything is with a baby until you have one yourself. “
“That’s true.”
Yasmin is reaching for the food so I hand her a cheese sandwich and turn to talk more to Paul, but he’s already left. The elderly couple beside me seem engrossed in conversation with some others at the table so I just sit alone with Yasmin while she bites and chews the sandwich and grabs a fairy cake with her other hand, trying to put that in her mouth at the sane time. I look around at the crowds all dressed in dark colours and smart clothing and I am suddenly reminded of Anthony’s first communion not that long ago and all that happened in the back hall of St. Mary’s. It’s a sore memory but as I see Yasmin squashing the cake more in her little fingers I am relieved that she, at least, has no memory of her mam shouting and being excluded from yet another family photo. As if trying to make up for it I take my own phone out my pocket and snap another pic of her with her hands and mouth full sitting on my knee. I notice my phone is still on ‘do not disturb’ but I’m in no hurry to turn it off quite yet.
Matilda walks past me, followed immediately by Gareth, the former touching my shoulder and saying goodbye and asking if I got the gift in leu of flowers ok and the latter winking at me like we are long lost friends and saying he really hopes we meet again. I watch them walk out trying to imagine what home life might be like for them and what their children might look like.
Slowly the room seems to disperse as I notice Paul sitting on a seat against a back wall giving Joshua a bottle and I look around for Cara seeing her stacking chairs and wiping tables and filling a bin bag with rubbish. Liam has a constant stream of people with him and I leave him for a moment to slip back into the main church hall to get the baby changing bag to clean Yasmin up. Passing a blue buggy by the back door I suddenly remember that we only brought the car seat as I strap Yasmin back in her seat, placing a blanket over her from the bag and carrying the bag and heavy car seat back to the other hall to get Liam.
I hope we don’t have far to walk back to his aunt’s for two reasons; one because I hadn’t realised quite how heavy the car seat is with Yasmin in it, and secondly because I’m keen to get back to Liam’s aunt’s house to use the loo.
Returning to the hall, I pass the toilets that I’m not keen to use because I would have to leave the car seat with Yasmin in outside the cubicle alone which doesn’t feel safe. I see Andrew Watt still talking to Liam so I stand at the doorway hoping to catch Liam’s eye but he’s engrossed in conversation so I just stand and wait. Paul stands up from the seat against the wall carrying his napping son in his arms. He smiles as he passes as I tap the toe of ny foot lightly on the tiled floor wishing I could use the toilets just behind me.
I’m still waiting by the door, the hall now pretty much empty other than Liam, the minister, Cara sweeping up and a couple of older ladies tidying up too. I stand sideways so I’m not blocking the doorway, the car seat sitting just inside the door with Yasmin sitting in patiently, when Paul returns minus the baby.
“They still talking?”
I nod even though it’s obvious to us both.
“Sorry to interrupt guys but I think Megan and Yasmin are waiting to go home.”
Liam turns to look at me apologetically.
“Oh I’m so sorry Megan. I got so caught up talking there I hadn’t even realised everyone had gone.”
He turns to the ladies cleaning.
“So sorry ladies. I’ll get out your way and let you get on.”
Cara smiles at him before picking up her anorak from the top of a stack of chairs.
“We’ll let him off this time won’t we Annie and Ruth?”
One nods and the other pipes up “Yes. Seeing as you’re Ella’s nephew. Good job or we’d be having words with you.”
Mr Watt smiles at Liam then me.
“What she means is you’re welcome here anytime, both of you. It was lovely to meet you both, though I’m sorry it took an occasion such as this to do so. Now if my lovely ladies are all finished I’d better get locking up.”
Liam heads over, automatically picking up the car seat as I follow him out as he walks past the blue buggy with Joshua in sleeping and out the side door of the church. We’re just walking down the side path when I hear someone calling and turn to see who it is. It’s Cara and Paul.
“You guys heading back to Ella’s?”
“Yeah.”
“We’re going that way too if you fancy some company on the walk?”
Liam looks at me and I nod as Cara and Paul join us. I have no idea how long a walk is back to Westminster Road but I hope it isn’t far as my need to pee is getting stronger with every single step. |
Chapter 214
Liam
I’ve never felt so popular before with so many people wanting to talk to me, some I know well like Sandy and Jim from next door, some I vaguely recall like some of the church folk, and many I have never ever met before but who seem to know all about me like work colleagues of my aunt’s and even a pupil from the school she worked in. So many people wanting to shake my hand, send me condolences or talk about how wonderful my aunt was. I see Gareth and Miranda leave and several times I look for Megan and Yasmin but don’t see them. I really hope Megan doesn’t think I’m ignoring her but I really don’t want to be rude to anyone who wants to speak with me.
In the time I am chatting and mingling I finish my mug of coffee and someone very kindly takes the empty mug from me. I don’t manage to get anything to eat, but to be honest I don’t really have time to notice as so many clamber to speak with me. The pupil from Bishops Blue Coat school nervously approaches me handing me a home made card she made. An adult prompts her from nearby as she tells me hesitantly how Miss Jude always helped her whenever she lost her timetable, needed help to check her blood sugar or needed sent home. In a quiet voice, unable to give me eye contact, she looks back at the adult who nods approvingly. “I have diabetes and autism and adhd and Miss Jude was the kindest office lady ever. She always helped me. I made this for her.” I hold the card in my hands and thank the child as the adult nods and smiles at me as she guides the child away again.
Other than that girl the only other conversation that feels significant is with the church minister. I thank him for such a lovely service as he shakes my hand strongly, looks at me comfortingly and shares what my aunt meant to him personally. He tells me all the things she did for the church and how reliable and faithful she was and how much she prayed for me. I’m fascinated to hear that many years ago she told her house group tearfully that her prayers had been answered the day my mum left me at hers and how honoured she was to have me live with her. I feel my eyes fill with tears hearing that and thinking how badly I treated my aunt and how angry I was back then. Andrew Watt puts his hand on my shoulder telling me how my aunt never gave up on me, believed in me and prayed for me every day.
“She was so incredibly proud of you moving to Ireland and starting a new life.”
“Really? I thought she was upset at me leaving without even saying goodbye? I used to be with this…woman…Lauren. I always thought my aunt wanted me to marry her and that she would be devastated at me for breaking up with her.”
“Lauren Bennet?”
“How did you know?”
“She was on Ella’s prayer list too. She worried about you being with her. All the upset last month with the police really affected her too. She was so so proud of you for confessing everything to the police. Did you ever tell her about Megan? I am sure your aunt would have been delighted for you.”
“No sadly I never got around to telling her about Megan and how amazing she is.”
“Treasure her Liam. That’s what Ella would have wanted. When are you returning to Ireland then?”
“Thursday night on the overnight ferry.”
“Will you sell the house and buy somewhere in Ireland do you think?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t had a chance to even think about it.”
It’s only when Paul mentions about Megan and Yasmin waiting that I realise that everyone else has gone. I feel awful that Megan has been left on her own waiting for me so I pick up the car seat and lead the way out.
Walking back to my aunt’s in the now beautiful spring afternoon I have a lot on my mind as I hear Cara talking to Megan about all things babies like teething, waking through the night and having to think about baby gates and securing cupboards. It’s a whole world that until Thursday evening when Megan turned up at mine with Yasmin looking for somewhere safe to stay I wasn’t even aware of. Now, looking down at the sleeping child in the car seat in my arms, I can’t imagine returning back to Bangor to my small flat and living alone ever again.
While the woman chat away my mind is whirling at over one hundred miles an hour. Should we go back to Bangor where I spend my days litter picking in all weathers and all we have is my tiny rented flat with the steep stairs at the front which are so difficult for Megan to manage with the buggy, my non English speaking flat mate who just appears once or twice a week for an overnight, and to her family who will likely forever threaten Megan and continually make her feel guilty for leaving home? Or do we live mortgage free here in Chester, a town full of mixed memories for me and so unfamiliar to Megan, and where at least one of us would need to get a job quickly to get money to live? Or do I put my treasured aunt’s house up for sale, moving on from all the house means to me and use the cash to perhaps buy somewhere more suitable in Bangor, a place where Megan calls home and where I have nothing but wonderful memories too? If we return to a Bangor will the Murphy’s allow us to keep Yasmin, the baby I now love as my own, or will she be swiped off the sister who adores her and taken into care?
As cute as talk about teething gel and baby food is it doesn’t help me have any better idea what to do. I don’t want to burden Megan with it all but facing it alone seems so impossible too. |
Chapter 215
Megan
Talking to Cara on the walk back to Liam’s aunt’s house is so lovely. I feel like we have become instant friends, a joint connection in the babies we have, even if one of them isn’t actually biologically mine. While we exchange thoughts on everything from formula, to dummies, to weaning and cures for nappy rash, there’s a connection that I have never ever had with anyone before. I’ve never had a best friend, always going through life as a loner, a home buddy who had so many responsibilities at home I never went anywhere after school. I never fitted in with the clever kids, struggling to understand a lot of the workload at high school but I never fitting in with the misbehaved challenging children either, being more reserved and withdrawn than others of a similar academic level to me.
Even at the rhyme group at the library when I took Yasmin I always felt on the outside, not the same as the other mum’s and being stared at and talked about because of Yasmin’s obvious difference. But with Cara it’s natural and easy, though it’s obvious both she and Paul have assumed that Yasmin is mine and Liam’s daughter. I don’t correct her and I am even more thrilled that despite them both having looked after Yasmin for a short time earlier neither one of them have made any mention of the fact she has Down syndrome.
As we walk down Westminster Road towards the junction where we turned for the local Sainsburies the day before Cara surprises me by giving me a hug before they head to wherever they live. Paul takes his hand off the buggy to shake my hand and then Liam’s as Cara hugs Liam too.
“How long are you both here for? I would be so good to see you both again if possible. You have my number Megan from when I text you earlier. Call anytime.”
“We have tickets for the Thursday evening ferry back to Ireland.”
“We need to contact StenaLine though as I’m hoping to tax and insure my aunt’s car so we can take it back. We only booked passenger foot tickets though so I’ll need to see if they can upgrade the tickets to include the car. Hopefully it won’t be an issue.”
Cara looks at her husband who shyly speaks.
“I might be able to help you with the insurance, if you want. I work for Aviva. I do hybrid working so work part time in the call centre out at South Wirral and part time from home so that Cara can work too.”
I stand there, so close to finally getting to the toilet I’ve been waiting to use for ages but yet so far, as Liam puts the car seat down and gets his phone out to get details from Paul.
“That would be amazing! I’m a bit concerned it’ll cost way more than we can currently afford. I’ve not long started a job in Bangor with the council and only recently been made full time. Megan only works part time too.”
While the boys swap numbers and discuss car insurance at the corner of the street I can see number 20 just a few doors down and I wish with all my heart I could get in to go upstairs and pee. However, Cara looks at me smiling.
“So what do you do? Back in Ireland?”
“Oh sorry. I was miles away there! I am a personal assistant for a disabled girl, Chelsea. I take her out places to give her parents a break. It’s only 8 hours a week but I love it. I get to drive their van too. Oh hold on, they text me a photo the other day. Wait and I’ll show you.”
“That sounds amazing! Oh goodness she’s lovely! How are they managing without you?”
“Oh they are away this week to Scotland for the Easter holidays and not back until after Easter weekend.”
I’m trying my best not to show that I need the toilet but being so close to the house my brain is starting to tell my bladder that releasing time is imminent and I have to move more to try to convince it otherwise.
“That was good timing. Paul, we should really go and leave these two to get home. Poor Megan looks like she’s cold standing here.
Liam bends to pick up the car seat with Yasmin in again.
“So how soon do you think you can arrange the insurance Paul?”
“Anytime you want.”
“You’re not available now are you? It’s just we have a lot to get done in the short time we are here and actually having the car would make things so much easier.”
Paul looks at Cara who nods. Liam watches them then glances at me.
“Look why don’t you both come. It shouldn’t take long, should it Paul? That’s if it’s ok with you both?”
I love the idea of spending more time with Cara and Paul but I also don’t feel it’s very hospitable to immediately race upstairs to the bathroom the second they come into the house. While I think no-one is looking I bite my lower lip and squeeze my thighs together as I follow behind Liam and Paul towards the house that now belongs to my boyfriend. Within a minute we are there as Liam unlocks the door that leads directly into the lounge and he helps Paul get the buggy up the two front steps as I pick up Yasmin in her car seat and carry her in too.
Cara and Paul seem very familiar with the house as Paul wheels the buggy straight through to the dining room and parks it at the side of the stairs as I put the car seat with Yasmin sleeping in down right beside it. Glancing at the stairs I long to run up and use the bathroom but I don’t want to seem rude, so instead I smile at the guests and offer them both some tea or coffee.
“Oh that would be great Megan. I’ll come help you and leave the boys to sort insurance out.”
Filling the kettle with water I curl my toes in my shoes as I tense every muscle in my body to help me keep my bladder at bay. Surely it won’t take long to organise car insurance and then Cara, Paul and their son will leave and I’ll feel much more relaxed about rushing to the toilet? The big question is wether my bladder can manage yet another mug of tea without being emptied. I’ll soon find out! |
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