ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
101	You know... When someone says to you "Jesus loves you." It's always comforting. Unless you are in a Mexican jail.
102	When I hear "This call is being monitored for quality assurance" I think "Cool, let's see how bad this person wants their job."
103	You know what the definition of "competitive" is? Finishing first and third in a circlejerk.
104	How do you know if your wine was made in the 90's? It smells like teen spirit.
105	What was the name of Paul Revere's favorite porno mag? The British are Coming
106	[car wreck] [hand reaches out] "Take my hand. I'm Chad Kroeger from the popular band Nickelback." [I let the flames slowly bake me alive]
107	Just waiting for Steve Harvey to come out and say it's actually Clinton any second now
108	Chicken Why did the chicken cross the road? Why? To go to the gay guys house Knock knock Who's there? The chicken
109	Teacher: Why do we put a hyphen in a bird-cage? Pupil: For a parrot to perch on miss.
110	I visited Amsterdam this summer, and decided to have sex with a prostitute. It was an overall positive experience. Sadly, it was an HIV positive experience.
111	Yup. If pasta & antipasta ever touch, they annihilate. For your safety, that's why restaurants never serve them together.
112	Alcohol is like Lysol for feelings, it won't kill all of them.
113	When my wife takes a nap, it's "desperately needed rest." When I do, it's "lazy chauvinist party-time."
114	"Update the Force, young Skywalker" Said Adobe Wan Kenobi.
115	lookin for a quick and easy way to beef up that scrawny bod and really turn some heads at the beach? float dead in a lake
116	TIL A ref can show a player the red card for a loud fart ... even if it isn't Messi.
117	What did the wise man say to the fat guy? You should probably go on a diet.
118	Who is better? The 3rd wave feminist or the pencil? The pencil is better. It has a point.
119	Guys, I think I found the Cure to Aids! It requires having a Magic Johnson.
120	Why do you call a Mexican midget a paragraph? ...because he's too short to be called an essay.
121	This morning I had a swollen testicle. "I'd have simply preferred toast," I told my wife.
122	"What's that?" A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in and I'm a little bit closer to freedom. puts in dollar "WTH!?!"
123	What do you call a blonde in a BMW? Optional.
124	If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,"Help, they've turned me into a parrot." you are wasting everybody's time.
125	My 8 y/o memorized my 12 character password that has upper and lowercase letters, numbers and symbols but can't remember to flush the toilet
126	What do you call a racist dog from Animal Crossing? KKK Slider
127	Me: waiter, do you have frog legs? Waiter: of course monsieur Me: good, hop over there and get me a beer
128	It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes to deadlines... They both wait until the last minute, then get an extension.
129	What did the man with The World's Largest Penis say when he had to have his legs amputated "Don't worry, I still have my third one."
130	What's the worse thing to do to a blind person? Leave a plunger in the toilet
131	When I was interviewed for a job in the chemistry department, they asked me if I had lab experience. I said I was more of a cat person.
132	There are two types of people in this world. And I hate them both.
133	I'd give these pigeons some bread but they'd probably just spend it on drugs.
134	Two skeptics walk into a bar.. I'd tell you what happens next but noone knows
135	Everytime you pull the trigger a bullet loses its job...HAHAHAHA! Because it gets FIRED. HAHAHA! I'm in tears
136	In China the labels read, "Made by someone you know."
137	It would be great to be born on Earth and die on Mars. Preferably not on the point of impact.
138	You could be a "Before" model.
139	Descartes walks into the bar. The bartender asks him, "will you have your usual tonight?" Rene replies "I think not" and he disappears.
140	Anyone want to hear my Human Centipede joke? Nah, I won't tell you it. It sucks ass.
141	My dog can predict when an earthquake is going to happen. But television doorbell versus actual doorbell baffles him every time.
142	My favorite knock knock joke. I need someone to start it ... Someone start the knock knock joke ...
143	My Parents asked me what i wanted for christmas... I said i want something to wear and something to play with. So they got me a pair of pants with the pockets cut out.
144	With 10K characters, I can finally get into great detail about how I'm not allowed at the company family picnic any more!
145	[at my funeral] So young, how did he die? He ran into oncoming traffic after walking past a group of adults saying the word "bae"
146	Stealing my little brother's (fellow Redditor) original joke, hope he sees it and is pissed. What do you get when you cross a pig and a Christmas tree...? A Porky-Pine
147	What do you call a frisbee that's more than a friend? Frisbae
148	What does a sheep say after walking into a disgusting, dirty bar? Ew.
149	What's the best part of a pregnancy joke? The delivery.
150	I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night. I wanted it to be special
151	What is the biggest compliment you can pay at a gay bar? Pushing in somebody's stool.
152	What is your best "Yo mama" joke?
153	What's a pirate's favourite type of weaponry? It's ARRRtillery! bonus: A pirate's favourite melee weapon? A scimitARRR
154	Hey, who did you vote for?... I wrote in Michael J. Fox. I think he can really shake things up!
155	I once had a crippiling masturbation addiction... ...now i have a sex addiction, could you say my addiction has gotten out of hand?
156	Do it tomorrow. You have made enough mistakes for today.
157	Why did the Mexican take his Xanax? For hispanic attacks.
158	Guy tries giving me his phone number Me: Oh no thank you. I already have one
159	I'm glad it's the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the shit I should be doing.
160	A man balks in a war He is discharged for dereliction of duty and takes up drinking.
161	Instead of calling them flyover states we should call them comments section.
162	A triangle exploded and a piece hit me. It was a 60-debris angle.
163	Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.
164	Does a cow give milk? No, they have to take it from her
165	Breaking Bad is my favorite documentary about what it takes to be an entrepreneur while balancing family life.
166	My black cat just ate my four leaf clover. That can't be good.......
167	Why can't a bike stand on it's own? Because it is two tired.
168	What did the gay guy say to his lover when they were going on vacation? "Hey, can you help me pack my shit?"
169	Coworker: Stop Me: collaborate and listen Coworker: Don't Me: you forget about me Coworker: Hey! Me: teacher, leave them kids alone
170	What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
171	Why are hillbilly murders hard to solve Because they all share the same DNA
172	My house is really small until I can't find my phone.
173	Dear President Obama, I've got a joke for you... I texted it to Angela Merkel. Did you... get it?
174	Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I'm available.
175	I don't understand women. I also don't understand how a car works but I still drive it.
176	What are the 3 stages of sex after marriage? Tri-weekly Try Weekly and Try Weakly
177	How do they calculate global warming? Al-gore-ythms
178	What happens when Turkeys get the common cold? They quit smoking.
179	The hands that help others in need are holier than the lips that pray.
180	What do gays and melons have in common? cantaloupe...
181	My girlfriend is great in bed... But I don't know how my best friend would know that.
182	What do you call a Jedi who worries about not making deadlines? Panickin' Skywalker.
183	Why did the composer go to the chiropractor? Because he had Bach problems
184	[Justice League HQ] SUPERMAN: Looks like Batman is hungry tonight MOTHMAN: [visibly sweating] I think I'll just fight daytime crimes
185	If we attacked Turkey from the rear... ...do you think Greece would help?
186	A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff badum tss
187	My favourite word is snigger It allows me to be sracist without speople sthinking I'm a sbad sperson
188	How do you hide an elephant in a fridge? You remove his slippers and open the door . You put him inside. You close the door and take the slippers away.
189	Pete and repeat are in a boat Pete and repeat are brothers. Pete falls overboard, who's left?
190	What do you call a green cow in a field? Invisibull.
191	What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to the gym manager when he was joining a new gym? I'll re-rack.
192	You're shoes are untied! April fools! Got ya!!
193	Right now a group of women at a baby shower are simultaneously saying, "Awwww..." while some knocked up chick holds up a tiny pair of socks.
194	Gentlemen test At least most tests have the decency to ask me my name, before they fuck me.
195	What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
196	I went in to hospital for an operation... I asked the anaesthetist if I could administer the needle myself, and he said: "Sure, knock yourself out".
197	A piece of shit walks into a bar It's my dad... My dad is a piece of shit.
198	What's a snakes favourite dance ? The mamba !
199	What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off!
200	What is the last thing that tickle-me elmo gets before he leaves the factory? Two test tickles

101

You know... When someone says to you "Jesus loves you." It's always comforting. Unless you are in a Mexican jail.

102

When I hear "This call is being monitored for quality assurance" I think "Cool, let's see how bad this person wants their job."

103

You know what the definition of "competitive" is? Finishing first *and* third in a circlejerk.

104

How do you know if your wine was made in the 90's? It smells like teen spirit.

105

What was the name of Paul Revere's favorite porno mag? The British are Coming

106

[car wreck] [hand reaches out] "Take my hand. I'm Chad Kroeger from the popular band Nickelback." [I let the flames slowly bake me alive]

107

Just waiting for Steve Harvey to come out and say it's actually Clinton any second now

108

Chicken Why did the chicken cross the road? Why? To go to the gay guys house Knock knock Who's there? The chicken

109

Teacher: Why do we put a hyphen in a bird-cage? Pupil: For a parrot to perch on miss.

110

I visited Amsterdam this summer, and decided to have sex with a prostitute. It was an overall positive experience. Sadly, it was an HIV positive experience.

111

Yup. If pasta & antipasta ever touch, they annihilate. For your safety, that's why restaurants never serve them together.

112

Alcohol is like Lysol for feelings, it won't kill all of them.

113

When my wife takes a nap, it's "desperately needed rest." When I do, it's "lazy chauvinist party-time."

114

"Update the Force, young Skywalker" Said Adobe Wan Kenobi.

115

lookin for a quick and easy way to beef up that scrawny bod and really turn some heads at the beach? float dead in a lake

116

TIL A ref can show a player the red card for a loud fart ... even if it isn't Messi.

117

What did the wise man say to the fat guy? You should probably go on a diet.

118

Who is better? The 3rd wave feminist or the pencil? The pencil is better. It has a point.

119

Guys, I think I found the Cure to Aids! It requires having a Magic Johnson.

120

Why do you call a Mexican midget a paragraph? ...because he's too short to be called an essay.

121

This morning I had a swollen testicle. "I'd have simply preferred toast," I told my wife.

122

"What's that?" A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in and I'm a little bit closer to freedom. *puts in dollar* "WTH!?!"

123

What do you call a blonde in a BMW? Optional.

124

If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,"Help, they've turned me into a parrot." you are wasting everybody's time.

125

My 8 y/o memorized my 12 character password that has upper and lowercase letters, numbers and symbols but can't remember to flush the toilet

126

What do you call a racist dog from Animal Crossing? KKK Slider

127

Me: waiter, do you have frog legs? Waiter: of course monsieur Me: good, hop over there and get me a beer

128

It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes to deadlines... They both wait until the last minute, then get an extension.

129

What did the man with The World's Largest Penis say when he had to have his legs amputated "Don't worry, I still have my third one."

130

What's the worse thing to do to a blind person? Leave a plunger in the toilet

131

When I was interviewed for a job in the chemistry department, they asked me if I had lab experience. I said I was more of a cat person.

132

There are two types of people in this world. And I hate them both.

133

I'd give these pigeons some bread but they'd probably just spend it on drugs.

134

Two skeptics walk into a bar.. I'd tell you what happens next but noone knows

135

Everytime you pull the trigger a bullet loses its job...HAHAHAHA! Because it gets FIRED. HAHAHA! *I'm in tears*

136

In China the labels read, "Made by someone you know."

137

It would be great to be born on Earth and die on Mars. Preferably not on the point of impact.

138

You could be a "Before" model.

139

Descartes walks into the bar. The bartender asks him, "will you have your usual tonight?" Rene replies "I think not" and he disappears.

140

Anyone want to hear my Human Centipede joke? Nah, I won't tell you it. It sucks ass.

141

My dog can predict when an earthquake is going to happen. But television doorbell versus actual doorbell baffles him every time.

142

My favorite knock knock joke. I need someone to start it ... Someone start the knock knock joke ...

143

My Parents asked me what i wanted for christmas... I said i want something to wear and something to play with. So they got me a pair of pants with the pockets cut out.

144

With 10K characters, I can finally get into great detail about how I'm not allowed at the company family picnic any more!

145

[at my funeral] So young, how did he die? He ran into oncoming traffic after walking past a group of adults saying the word "bae"

146

Stealing my little brother's (fellow Redditor) original joke, hope he sees it and is pissed. What do you get when you cross a pig and a Christmas tree...? A Porky-Pine

147

What do you call a frisbee that's more than a friend? Frisbae

148

What does a sheep say after walking into a disgusting, dirty bar? Ew.

149

What's the best part of a pregnancy joke? The delivery.

150

I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night. I wanted it to be special

151

What is the biggest compliment you can pay at a gay bar? Pushing in somebody's stool.

152

What is your best "Yo mama" joke?

153

What's a pirate's favourite type of weaponry? It's ARRRtillery! bonus: A pirate's favourite melee weapon? A scimitARRR

154

Hey, who did you vote for?... I wrote in Michael J. Fox. I think he can really shake things up!

155

I once had a crippiling masturbation addiction... ...now i have a sex addiction, could you say my addiction has gotten out of hand?

156

Do it tomorrow. You have made enough mistakes for today.

157

Why did the Mexican take his Xanax? For hispanic attacks.

158

*Guy tries giving me his phone number* Me: Oh no thank you. I already have one

159

I'm glad it's the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the shit I should be doing.

160

A man balks in a war He is discharged for dereliction of duty and takes up drinking.

161

Instead of calling them flyover states we should call them comments section.

162

A triangle exploded and a piece hit me. It was a 60-debris angle.

163

Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

164

Does a cow give milk? No, they have to take it from her

165

Breaking Bad is my favorite documentary about what it takes to be an entrepreneur while balancing family life.

166

My black cat just ate my four leaf clover. That can't be good.......

167

Why can't a bike stand on it's own? Because it is two tired.

168

What did the gay guy say to his lover when they were going on vacation? "Hey, can you help me pack my shit?"

169

Coworker: Stop Me: collaborate and listen Coworker: Don't Me: you forget about me Coworker: Hey! Me: teacher, leave them kids alone

170

What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

171

Why are hillbilly murders hard to solve Because they all share the same DNA

172

My house is really small until I can't find my phone.

173

Dear President Obama, I've got a joke for you... I texted it to Angela Merkel. Did you... *get it*?

174

Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I'm available.

175

I don't understand women. I also don't understand how a car works but I still drive it.

176

What are the 3 stages of sex after marriage? Tri-weekly Try Weekly and Try Weakly

177

How do they calculate global warming? Al-gore-ythms

178

What happens when Turkeys get the common cold? They quit smoking.

179

The hands that help others in need are holier than the lips that pray.

180

What do gays and melons have in common? cantaloupe...

181

My girlfriend is great in bed... But I don't know how my best friend would know that.

182

What do you call a Jedi who worries about not making deadlines? Panickin' Skywalker.

183

Why did the composer go to the chiropractor? Because he had Bach problems

184

[Justice League HQ] SUPERMAN: Looks like Batman is hungry tonight MOTHMAN: [visibly sweating] I think I'll just fight daytime crimes

185

If we attacked Turkey from the rear... ...do you think Greece would help?

186

A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff badum tss

187

My favourite word is snigger It allows me to be sracist without speople sthinking I'm a sbad sperson

188

How do you hide an elephant in a fridge? You remove his slippers and open the door . You put him inside. You close the door and take the slippers away.

189

Pete and repeat are in a boat Pete and repeat are brothers. Pete falls overboard, who's left?

190

What do you call a green cow in a field? Invisibull.

191

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to the gym manager when he was joining a new gym? I'll re-rack.

192

You're shoes are untied! April fools! Got ya!!

193

Right now a group of women at a baby shower are simultaneously saying, "Awwww..." while some knocked up chick holds up a tiny pair of socks.

194

Gentlemen test At least most tests have the decency to ask me my name, before they fuck me.

195

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.

196

I went in to hospital for an operation... I asked the anaesthetist if I could administer the needle myself, and he said: "Sure, knock yourself out".

197

A piece of shit walks into a bar It's my dad... My dad is a piece of shit.

198

What's a snakes favourite dance ? The mamba !

199

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off!

200

What is the last thing that tickle-me elmo gets before he leaves the factory? Two test tickles