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SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Balance transfer to 0% APR credit card a bad idea?
POST: Quick summary:
Either my wife or I have been in grad school for the past 5 years (3 years of law school for her, 2 years of business school for me), while the other works and support the family financially. We had to take out student loans for tuition, but mostly lived upon the one salary we were getting. We weren't saving much outside of 401k's, but it was a short term situation. This worked well, but in the last year a few large unavoidable expenses had to be put on credit cards. We're now carry several almost maxed out credit cards and are getting hit with high APR's and late fees. Pretty sure it's dinging our credit scores as well.
The good news is that we're both finally out of school, gainfully employed, and are making good money. Together we're bringing in over $160,000 and will be able to pay off the credit cards pretty soon. My question is, would it make sense to transfer the balance to a new credit card with a 0% APR (for the first year), to minimize the interest accruing over the next few (6 maximum) months while we pay the cards off? I worry about the hit to our credit, but I don't really understand how it will impact (it's all so nebulous).
Numbers:
$10,xxx in credit card debt
Income: $8500 monthly, after taxes, insurance, 401k, etc. (Estimated, still waiting on my first paycheck after school) + $7500 signing bonus (before taxes). Signing bonus will go entirely to paying off credit card debt. Again, not exactly sure how much it will be after taxes.
Expected time frame: 3-6 months to pay off all debt.
Does it make sense to move the debt to a 0% APR card? If so, does it make sense to do it before or after waiting for my signing bonus and paying off a sizable chunk of the debt?
TL;DR: | We have $10k in credit card debt and finally are making enough to pay it off over at least a few months. Should we transfer it to a 0% APR credit card while paying it off to avoid interest? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Job Help
POST: Hey Reddit,
A few weeks ago I decided to look for and take a new internship. I applied for one at a local start up and a few other places around my college town, and get an offer for 14 an hour as before I was making ten, at a cool start up.
The day after I accepted the offer from said start up I got another internship offer for 22/hour from a IT company.
I told the IT company sorry, and started at the start up. I did not enjoy my first few days, and am beginning to regret my choice.
I am worried however that the IT company will be worse, as there are NO women, I work from home part of the time, and I would be the only person under 30 working there. But the pay is amazing and it seems like a good gig.
I do not know what to do. I am torn. Any advice?
TL;DR: | I got two job offers one from a start up that pays less and one from an IT company that pays more but is boring. Advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21F] with my ex-boyfriend [22M] of 5 years, is still contacting me after dumped me.
POST: So my ex-boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago because he doesn't love me anymore.
After begging and crying for him I cut all contact with him. I deleted his number and snap chat. A week later he shows up at my house telling me if I'm doing okay. I got really happy to see him.
He came back the next day. We had sex while having sex he told me he wanted to move in together. My heart was full of excitement. After this I haven't seen him. Why would he come back after he dumped me? Or tell he wants to move in? He clearly told me he doesn't love me anymore.
TL;DR: | I need advice I'm confused. Why did he come back? Does he still have feelings for me? I miss him so much. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [31/F] with my[27/] 2yrs in September, do you stay mad at your partner for long? gut feeling says he's angry with me; want to cheer him up
POST: It's hard to stay mad at my SO, b/c I'm so damn in love with him. How is it for the rest of you guys? Do you correlate how deep your love is with the amount of time you remain angry with your partner?
Right now he is overseas on business and I can't shake the feeling that he's upset/annoyed by me for some reason (I like to text, he doesn't, but it's important for me to keep in touch at the end of the day so we can be connected).
I want to send him a cute post card wishing him a great day tomorrow morning but don't want to annoy him even more. We both are NOT fans of talking on the phone. Even though I am annoyed that he has been short with me via his end of the day texts, I'm not letting that bother me and can get over it quickly.
I know he loves me, but I feel that it's easier for me to get over things b/c I love him deeply. There's always that one person that loves/feels more right?
Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I feel like maybe I'm overthinking things??
TL;DR: | love bf more than he loves me, so i don't stay mad at him for long; should I even bother initiating more contact; maybe it's all in my head |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I've [22 F] been dating this guy [22 M] for close to 4 months, I'm ready to label us Bf/Gf but he isn't.. I think I want to call things off completely if he doesn't feel the same way...
POST: So we met on New Years Eve, we have close mutual friends. We started talking immediately and I knew from the start I had feelings for him. I knew he started feeling the same way around valentines day, but he didn't officially ask me out until we were on spring break vacation together. We were never casually dating, we seemed pretty exclusive since the start.
After the first two months I initiated the talk, about what we are in terms of labels. I already felt as though we were in a fairly committed relationship but I wanted reassurance. well apparently he didn't feel the same way, stating that he wasn't ready, that his last relationship really messed him and doesn't want to just jump into one. He brought up the fact that he was leaving at the end of the summer for school (about an hour away from where I live) but there was a definite positive tone to it.
It's now been another 2 months, 4 total, and I once again want to bring up the conversation. the difference is this time I first ask out close mutual friend to see what the deal was prior to my initiating the conversation. the mutual friend told me that he had said that he wouldn't make a good bf because he is damaged goods, and that he is moving away so he doesn't want to initiate something like this.
I've come to the conclusion that he and I definitely need to talk, and we need to talk about our past relationships as well. I'm at the point where I feel as though he doesn't want to progress forward, and that i've basically thrown the last four months of my life away on falling hard for someone who can reciprocate those feelings. he clearly has commitment issues from his previous relationship.
he's the first guy to really like me for me, and to actually want to date me not just be fwb or something.
TL;DR: | been dating this guy for 4 months, unsure where the relationship is going, and not sure whether or not I should continue putting time and effort into something that may just end because of his commitment issues. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My girlfriend [23] is stunningly beautiful. I [m28] am not.
POST: Throwaway because she's a redditor too. Apologies if this does not belong here, or isn't in the right place! Please let me know if that's the case.
Anyhow, I've been dating my girlfriend for a little over a month, though we've known each other for a number of years. She, as I mentioned, is very attractive. I'm a bit of a gargoyle. In an incredibly objective sense. She's very traditionally beautiful, and I'm pretty funny looking. You guys get it.
Now! I'm not posting this for sympathy, or to gush, or any of that stuff. I'm confident in our feelings for each other, in the strength of our relationship, etc. I don't lack self-respect, I'm not the jealous type, and I don't agonize about being inadequate or anything.
What I am curious about is perhaps not having access to her worldview or experiences, which, while not fundamentally different than mine, have a kind of overlay in certain spots that I'm not really going to get. I guess that's true of some things in any relationship, though. But I'm curious if anyone has ever been in a similar situation before and what sorts of issue developed. This is a difficult thing to talk to with my friends, generally, because they seem to think I'm just bragging. I'm quite sincere, damnit!
Again, apologies if this is too general, or if it's in the wrong spot. Thoughts?
TL;DR: | My girlfriend is a few orders of magnitude more attractive than me; though I'm not feeling inadequate about it, I'm curious if anyone has been in this situation before, and the sorts of things you've encountered. |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Recently overcome bulimia, looking for ways to eat healthy and lose a bit of weight.
POST: Hi!
This past summer, I developed bulimia as a reaction to a pretty rapid weight gain (in tandem with depression) and spent the past six months fighting to overcome it. I finally beat it in the past month or so, but now my eating habits are completely off. I don't eat breakfast or lunch, but then consume a whole bunch of food in the evening (I guess I don't really have a dinner, either, just grazing).
I'm vegetarian, I started exercising, and I'm working on not eating past satiation. But I haven't seen any noticeable changes in the past two weeks and I have problems with eating a salad at 5pm/feeling ravenous in 20 minutes.
Can anyone here offer any advice on how to start eating better/more regularly?
I'm 18 years old, female, 5 feet tall and currently ~105 pounds, looking to get back to 95 or so.
Thank you so much. :)
TL;DR: | Had bulimia that messed up my eating patterns, I'm looking for help on how to get back to a semblance of normalcy. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How can I [27M] help ensure that my fiancée [27F] has a good bachelorette party?
POST: This is quite unorthodoxed in a sense, but my fiancée (who I've been with for over 5 years) has her bachelorette party slated for this weekend. Mine was last weekend and my best man put a lot of effort into it, whereas her Maid of Honor is her sister who has very limited funds, lives far away and can't even make it up here. So nothing much was planned until around a month or so ago. Plans kept changing from a nice trip out East (Long Island) to a winery, but now it has dwindled down to dinner at my sisters apartment and a local bar.
I feel like crap. My fiancée deserves a nice bachelorette party and her friends are dropping the ball. My sister has been amazing and has opened up her apartment for them to have dinner and a place to relax for a bit before going out to a local bar she enjoys. One of the other girls has responded to texts, but others are quiet and not saying much at all. This is even a big deal for me because I want my fiancée to enjoy herself.
So what, as her fiancé, can I do to help ensure she has a good time? I've been coordinating with my sister about talking to the other girls. We've brainstormed some ideas and added in manicures/pedicures and a small wine bar in town, but I want some brainstormed, outside of the box ideas that they could easily implement that could help boost her special night.
TL;DR: | Fiancée has her bachelorette party this weekend and I want to ensure that she has a good time. My sister (and a friend or two of hers) have been great, others not so much. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: Restroom stall etiquette for god's sake.
POST: This happened to me a few months ago at work. Every morning around 9-10am is when I feel the urge to drop a deuce. I'm automatic that way.
So I head out to our buildings public men's restroom which has but one toilet stall and one urinal. As you open the restroom door, you can tell right away someone is using said toilet because you can see dropped trou and feet right away. Again, because it's just one toilet, typically any normal person would head back to their office and wait the appropriate time one would need to finish their business.
So now I've just sat down and start the process of releasing my demons. During this time, a couple guys come in and as Guy #1 begins taking a leak, Guy #2 I assumed stood idle wating for his turn.
Now because I'm only half way through exorcising my large intestine, and I consider myself a gentleman, I felt it only right to pause the sounds effects. Guy #1 finishes up rather quickly and it's Guy #2's turn, so I thought. The urinal is adjacent to the toilet stall partition so you can tell when someone is using it. Guy #2 isn't, and now I'm wondering if he left with Guy #1. I wait a few seconds to confirm before continuing my end of days show, until I hear him cough. I realize then, this fucking guy is wating to use the toilet stall. GOD DAMN IT. This fucking guy stands right outside the stall waiting instead of stepping outside like any normal human fucking being.
10 minutes go by from the time he comes in and is still standing there like a dick and realize he's not fucking leaving. I wrap it up and as I open the door, give this asshole the shitiest (pun intended) look I could muster. He goes in, I wash up and head back to my office. About 15 minutes go by and am getting ready to go into a project meeting, when who comes into to the meeting? That fucking guy.
The awkwardness between each other couldn't have been more obvious.
Please, if your ever in need to use the can and there is but one stall, cut the guy using it a break and step outside. Don't be that fucking guy.
TL;DR: | Guy waits to use the toilet right outside toilet stall. Ignoring proper toilet etiquette and wait outside restroom.We end up face to face in and awkward project meeting. FML |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by having relations with my boyfriend in the living room.
POST: Ok, so this just happened probably an hour ago.
I was at my boyfriend's house and we were alone. His parents were in bed and we usually use this time to our advantage by having "sexy time." In the past I have been nervous about doing it in the living room but this time the mood was just right and I decided it would be ok. Nope.
We start getting carried away and are completely naked on the couch when I hear a door open. I fling off him and jump to the closest place I could hide behind. Well, I accidentally jumped too far and banged my head on the fire place bricks. Then I hit my knee on the same fire place, and finally, I crawled behind a big recliner-type thing.
I'm cowering in fear behind this recliner, naked, while my boyfriend's dad barges in the room to see his son covered in only a blanket on the couch alone. The dad was only looking for sleeping medicine I guess. So the dad rumages around the kitchen looking for pills while my boyfriend quickly clothes himself under the blanket and says he fell asleep watching tv.
How could this guy not have seen me? Well I guess he didn't because little naked me hid behind that recliner so well he just went to bed like nothing happened.
Once he left, I got up and my boyfriend giggled a little. He got off scotch free. I, on the other hand, now have a giant bump and cut on my eye and my knee is swollen a little bit.
TL;DR: | had sexy time with boyfriend but banged my head and knee on fire place while escaping embarrassment of getting caught by his father |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: LPT: Exercise or "lift" your neck during your weightloss journey to avoid the common end result of the watermelon on a stick look.
POST: I have lost 80lbs so far and have been a long time lurker on loseit and progresspics. I started to notice a trend in final progress pics, especially in males, that resulted in the head being largely out of proportion to the neck. I'm sure there may be a reason, but I would not know. I also am not trying to encourage huge footballesque necks, but just one that is in proportion. I found myself in the same position during my weight loss and decided to do resistance neck training 2x a week and it greatly improved the proportion. Hope it helps and wish everyone well on their weightloss goals.
TL;DR: | use resistance training on your neck during weight loss so your head doesn't look giant on your neck once you're fit/skinny. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21M] trying to work some issues out with the girl [20F] I'm seeing. Seeking suggestions if I should continue seeing her.
POST: Hello everyone.
I am a 21 y/o guy and my name is Erik, and I'm seeing a girl who I really like. She great and attractive, and a joy to be around. But I'm facing some issues, which I want to address and require your help.
I haven't ever had a girlfriend. That doesn't mean I haven't been to dates. I've counted and there have been 5 girls I've ever liked in my life and this girl is the fifth. Been on dates but it didn't mature into a relationship.
And yes, that also means I'm a virgin if that matters. Due to my and the girl's religious beliefs, we won't have sex unless we get married.
Now, I have two issues with this girl.
Issue 1 - She hates that I am a non vegetarian. She has even asked me what I'll do if we get married. I told her that I will continue to be a non vegetarian especially as I only have such food perhaps once a week. She has said that if we get married, she won't allow me to cook such food at home. Only outside I'll be allowed to have meat/fish. I didn't like this at all as I'm a good cook and like to do most of my cooking. She said we can negotiate this, but I changed the topic as I felt uncomfortable.
Issue 2 - She also hates that I wear bermuda shorts at home. She says that it doesn't look good on guys and that I should wear three-quarter pants. I have been wearing shorts all my life and alongside jeans it's the only this I ever wear. The even more problematic part is she wears shorts almost always. I find it a bit hypocritical.
Do you guys think this girl is girlfriend material?
TL;DR: | Maybe the girl I'm dating is trying to be a bit controlling? Need suggestions on how to react, and if she should be my prospective girlfriend. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by punching a vulnerable adult
POST: I work in adult foster care, and I came into work about an hour ago. I was talking to my coworker, and she asked me to grab the med count book. I said sure not thinking anything of it. Well, I was in the middle of telling her how I broke our work cats water bowl last night by knocking over a step latter with my butt. I grabbed the book from the closet not paying attention in to anything in the walk in closet we have.
Then walked out and handed her the book. She laughs and I just think she finds it funny that I destroyed the cats bowl. When I turn around the character from scream was standing in the fucking closet. I automatically freaked out and punched it in the face. Rather than nope-ing the fuck out of there like I should have.
Turns out it was my client playing a joke on me. I gave her a black eye. And had to write an incident report on it. I feel like a totally assshat.
TL;DR: | I went to work, punched vulnerable scream face in the face. Turned out to be my poor client playing a joke on me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [25M] need casual dating tips... bad.
POST: Just got out of a 6 year relationship in which I was badly hurt. She had cheated on me multiple times, and told me she was unhappy... I had no freaking clue.
Having always been a "relationship guy," I always felt comfortable just being with someone, since I was 16. I have a very guilty conscience and have a difficult time thinking about hurting someone else's feelings...
With that being said, I am now getting back out there and trying to date new people. I have this **BAD** problem with getting attached very easily... and am trying to shake it, as I really feel I dont want a serious relationship yet. After going on a few dates with one girl, I'm coming to the conclusion that we do not have enough in common to continue the relationship.
I guess I just want to hear some rules to live by, from experienced casual daters...
How do I NOT get so easily attached to people?
Is it a bad idea to talk to ... let's say 3-4 girls at once?
What's the best way to tell a girl you have been seeing that you don't want to continue seeing her?
TL;DR: | Awkward dude, fresh out of 6 year relationship. Looking for some tips from experienced casual daters. THANKS! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [Update] Me [21 M] with my GF [20 F] of 5 years, questioning the relationship
POST: The original post can be found here:
So I don't know what to do at this point; I'm starting to have troubles sleeping because I'm just unhappy with the two paths that I'm left with. I either stay with her and accept the fact that, even if I eventually want to, I'll never have kids and our sex life will be close to non-existant, or we change our relationship in some way (open, break, or stop all together). I still love her immensely though, and I don't want to break her heart or make her feel like it is her fault. I talked to her a little bit last night about the problem, but I didn't directly approach it. She wants to call tonight, and I also visit her within 2 weeks. What should I do? v.v
TL;DR: | I have no idea what to do with my relationship with my GF of 5 years due to the fact I still love her and want her to be my best friend but am not happy with the state of our relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I chase my lifelong crush/best friend?
POST: So the girl in question is someone I went to grade school with for 9 years (k-8) and then we went separate ways for highschool in the same town. We didn't hang out all that much but still talk, joke around, and see alot of each other over summers now. We go to different colleges so when we are back on breaks we try to get the gang back together all the time to hang out. The only amount of time I've spent with just her is when we went on some mission trips together back in hs. She's been a lifelong crush and we honestly get along amazingly as friends. So my foremost question is, is it even worth risking the friendship for something more or is this something better left untouched? I love hanging out with her and our friends and I've always wanted something more but don't want to throw it away just trying and coming up empty. I know this is probabaly relationship/seduction 101 but my minds all over the place about it. Any help is good help. Btw I'm 20 and she is 19
TL;DR: | Should I lay it all on the table for my gs/hs crush or is this a relationship no-go? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is what my (13/f) dad (45ish/m) does normal?
POST: I don't know if I'm sounding crazy or not. I can't talk to anyone in real life about it. Thanks in advance.
Sometimes my dad does things that feel weird to me. I don't think he knows. My mom says he has Asperger's, but it's not diagnosed, but that makes sense to me. He is really sensitive to loud noises and he gets angry at little things easily, and it's hard to explain, but sometimes - especially when my parents argue - it's like he doesn't really know how to talk to other people. He does computer stuff.
That's not the problem though. He has always been a really good dad but I've noticed lately that he does things that sort of creep me out. He likes to hug me and my sister (11) a lot, nothing weird or sexual, he can just be pyhsically affectionate. He likes to pat our shoulders and rub our backs and things like that. again it's never sexual. He smiles a lot and will sometimes just kind of stare at us, but he does that to a lot of people. But it makes me feel really weird to the point where I make an excuse to leave and go to the bathroom and just sit there for a while to be by myself.
also I don't know how to explain it, but sometimes when he talks it hurts my head. Like I feel the need to get away from him, like nails on a chalkboard, but I don't know why.
It makes me feel crazy because nobody notices anything or is bothered, and he's not doing anything WRONG, it just makes me feel weird and I don't like it at all. My mom is starting to notice that I don't like to look at him anymore and don't talk as much. I don't know if this is normal because I'm starting to go through puberty or what. has anyone else felt like this?
TL;DR: | My dad does things that creep me out but I don't think he means them. Is it normal, what do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24F] with my boyfriend [25M] of 2.5 years. He insists on keeping the temperature in our apartment at 81 degrees at all times. I am roasting to death.
POST: I never thought before moving in with my boyfriend that this would become a major problem. I knew that he was "cold natured," but I guess I never realized how bad it was until now. I just moved in to his place mid-summer.
We live in a part of the country where it's just starting to get colder, and for the past two weeks my boyfriend has been keeping the temperature between 81-85 degrees each day. The apartment is so balmy that I am absolutely miserable. I can't even sleep through the night without waking up in the morning sweating.
I tried turning down the heat a few times, but each time he complained and said that I was trying to freeze him to death. I suggested that maybe he could wear more clothes, but he said that he shouldn't have to be uncomfortable in his own home (he wears at most a light t-shirt and boxers or gym shorts), as if it isn't my home, too. I also have asked for him to let me run fans, but he says that the breeze makes him too cold.
He has no medical condition (already been checked by a doctor), so there really is no explanation for why he is cold all the time. I don't doubt that he is being honest with me, but I would be lying if I said that I could spend the next 6 months like this.
Is there some other compromise that I haven't thought of -- some way for us to both be comfortable?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend refuses to keep temperature in our apartment below 81 degrees. I am roasting to death, but he refuses to compromise. Is there any solution that can keep us both happy? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [27F] broke it off with my BF [28M] of 4 years. So why am I the one crying myself to sleep over the breakup?
POST: In short: I broke up with my SO of 4 years a little under 2 weeks ago and he's already on dating sites and is seeing a girl and being intimate with her. It's fucking hurting my heart and I know I have no right whatsoever to be upset but I just am. I've been trying to be so strong about this whole breakup because it's the right thing to do even though I still love him and today I'm just breaking down and I hate it. I don't want to feel this shit.
I think it's hardest because we still live together. He's moving out in a week which will be healthier for us both but the thought of him not being here makes me even sadder.
I'm starting to question my decision to break up all together. But I know deep down I've done the right thing for both of us. I just couldn't really see a long term future for us anymore as we have different core values and boundaries lets just say. Our relationship definitely wasn't perfect, and the reasons I chose to break up with him were valid and reasonable to even him even though he thought we could eventually fix any issue. But it doesn't take away from the fact that I love being around him and spending all of my time just doing nothing with him. There's going to be such a massive hole in my life now and I don't really want to let it go, but I have to.
It's taking every ounce of my willpower not to walk into his room and beg him to cuddle me and make me feel better for just a moment. I know that it would just make everything worse but man I miss him already and he's only 10 ft away. Stupid heart.
TL;DR: | broke up with bf and he "moved on" really fast. It's unleashed my pent up sadness about the breakup and I'm starting to question my decision/fighting the urge to change my mind. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Just got 'robbed' and I need some advice.
POST: Hi Reddit! I need some advice.
I moved to a new area recently and was looking for a place to get some trees. I finally found someone who was willing to help me out and met him Saturday night to make a trade. The only way that we corresponded was through email. I was definitely skeptical about the situation, but desperate to get some trees, so I decided to take the risk. He seemed legit, but there were some things that just weren't adding up. He entered my car and told me that I had to give him the money and he'd be right back out. He even gave me his cell phone as 'collateral'. This all set uneasily in my stomach, but I gave him my money and took is phone and waited. About 15 minutes later, I realize that he isn't coming back. I look at the phone that he gave me and it won't turn on. I open the back and the battery and sim card are both gone. At this point I realize that I've been taken advantage of and I've lost almost $400. I feel like a fucking idiot. There are so many things I wish I had done differently at the time. But what can I do now? I have a dead phone, his email address, and his name (probably all not his). With what I've got, is there anything I can do to intimidate him or get retribution?
Any help would be appreciated.
TL;DR: | Looking for trees, gave a guy money with his phone for 'collateral' and he never came back. What can I do to get retribution? |
SUBREDDIT: r/travel
TITLE: What are nice national parks to visit in the US in November?(would prefer no snow)
POST: Hey there,
I've got some vacation time left I have to use this year, but it's only really possible in November. I would love to travel to the US again. I was there two years ago doing a roadtrip visiting several national parks in california (joshua, death valley, seqouia, yosemite), arizona (grand canyon) and Utah (bryce and zion).
I really would love to see similar things to those nationalparks (especially Zion was great), also for example yellowstone. But I guess November is already a time where you got cold weather and snow in many of those parks, and while I'm used to snow (from austria) I would prefer not driving through snow and wandering around in cold weather.
Currently I'm looking into basically everything in that line from arizona to georgia, but I'm pretty sure I can get some great advice here.
So what's your favorite nationalpark to visit in november?
And if there's a nice area to see, even if it's winter with snow there you can let me know, I'm open to different ideas too.
TL;DR: | Want to see some nice nationalparks/areas in the US in November while not having snow. Any advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I'm 6 months into my first job after college. It's not bad, and the pay is decent, but it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life. How long should I stay before looking for something else?
POST: Some background info:
I don't dislike the job, and it pays well. Although the job can get lonely/boring at times due to being the only person under 30 on my team. I'm also currently working as a programmer on a team of non-technical staff, so there's lots times that I've serving more as tech-support than working on an actual project. They appreciate the job I do, and I certainly wouldn't leave suddenly as it would make a lot of people's lives difficult, but I feel like I should eventually try and move towards the area I want to work for in the future (Information Security).
I keep telling myself I should stay around a while and gain some work experience (I am learning, but as the only techie on my team, it's all self-taught / googling).
Has anyone else been in the same situation? Is there a certain time period you should stick around a new job to avoid bad references/hurt feelings? (1 year, 2 years?)
TL;DR: | I'm content with my job, but I know I need to make a change eventually. How soon should I do it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [17M], I seem to always obsess from girl to girl
POST: I'm gonna keep this pretty short and sweet as I'm not exactly sure how helpful detail can be, but I'll add as much as I think is necessary.
Basically, I have this problem where I seem to obsess over every love interest I have. When I meet a girl and I think I like her, I cannot get her out of my mind. It's my goal to meet her, learn about her, get to know her. I'll sit in my room, and if it's been long enough, I'll whip up theoretical scenarios where I ask this girl out or maybe even sexual fantasies (sexual fantasies are much less so now as I've actually stopped watching porn/masturbating).
Then I'll talk it up to my friends that there's this potential girl I like but I don't wanna reveal to anyone that I like this girl because I'm afraid she may not like me back or this or that. Yet I'll continually chat it up to people that I like this girl!
This is a cycle I've been going through since middle school, really. I guess my life has been mostly chasing girls since I've hit puberty. My question is, is this normal? Should I be attempting to divert my attention to other things? Is this obsessive behavior okay? Should I be worried?
If you need any more details, I'm willing to explain further, but I thought this might suffice for the purpose of my questions.
TL;DR: | I obsess over girls, and they're always in my mind and always in my conversations. I'm not a sleazebag, I just usually pick a girl and pursue it until I move on to the next girl. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Hey Reddit, long time lurker recently decided to take the plunge and create an account, now I could use some loan advice please!
POST: I'm in a hard financial position right now, as I'm sure most of the country is. I'm a student who is graduating in May and I just found a new apartment that I'm looking move into as the lease on my current one is up the end of April. The problem is that I need to take out a loan to pay for the down deposit because I have very little money. I have a full time job lined up starting the beginning of June so I need money to survive until my first paycheck. My credit score is 673 according to freecreditreport.com. My question is does anybody know any lenders that will lend to someone in my position, my credit cards are maxed out, I have 40k in school loan debt, however I have never missed a payment but have less than 2 years credit history, excluding my student loans. I need a loan ASAP I really do not care what the interest rates are, I only need $3,000 which I think is a relatively small amount for a loan. Thanks for the advice guys.
TL;DR: | What is a reliable lender for a $3,000 loan with my 673 credit score that can accept / deny relatively quickly, I need it like now. Also, I live in Rhode Island if that matters at all. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[17F] don't know how to deal with my Bf[24M] being gone for 4 months.
POST: My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. Everything about him meshed so perfectly with me. He's an ex Sea Bee, currently working on getting his GED. He's dealing with PTSD and some severe depression. When he got back from deployment, he became homeless and has dealt with a ton of shit. He was checked into a rehab facility about 2 weeks ago for a 4 month program. 6 days ago his phone was shut off because he couldn't pay.
I'm a very codependent person and being away from him for this long just seems impossible. How can I deal with this? Is there anything I can do to make it seem not as long?
Before you comment on the age gap, both of our families approve, and it's like we're two peas in a pod.
TL;DR: | Bf has PTSD, in treatment facility for 4 months, his phone is off and I dont know how to cope without him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [30f] feel like a loser for not having people to invite to my wedding
POST: My parents keep to themselves a lot so they don't have any close friends that they would invite. They are from small families, too, and aren't very close to their siblings, so there's no one really on their side that would attend.
On my end, I don't have many friends. I'm the type of person that has a few close friends and I've always been happy with that. I have about a dozen or so friends I made in graduate school that I'd also like to invite, but I don't have any childhood, high school or college friends I can invite. I was pretty much a loner most of my life and our family moved around a lot.
I actually really like and prefer the idea of small intimate weddings, but I'm honestly a bit embarrassed that I won't have many wedding guests. My fiance is ok with having a small wedding, but he has a big extended family and if we were to have a big wedding, he would have no problem filling up the guest list.
I feel deeply insecure about this. I know it's irrational, but I feel insecure about this a lot. I just feel like a big loser. Asides from two or three close friends, I fear that the other dozen or so friends I made in graduate school would actually be surprised that I would invite them because we weren't awfully close. How do I stop feeling like a loser?
TL;DR: | i feel like a loser because I don't have many friends or people I can invite to my small wedding. How do I stop feeling this way? |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: Can't tell if she likes me or not and making the first move.
POST: I'm a 22 year old guy, I'm definitely on the heaver side but I'm working to loose that. I met this girl through the volunteer organization we both work for, rotary. This past weekend we had a rotary event we were both at. We have never hung out in a non rotary sense until this weekend. I had to give a speech but then i have a party afterward i half jokingly asked her to come as moral support then join me at the party. She said yes kinda surprisingly. So she came to the speech, She came to the party and as far as i could tell she had as great a time as i did. The next day we were hungover and had to do the orientation we had planned. By the time she headed home i realized i really liked her. I just am very dense and im trying to figure out if she feels at all the same way, and whether i should try to ask her out or if that would be a mistake, and if i do what should be my first move.
TL;DR: | !- Got closer with a girl that i haven't had much personal interaction with, had a great time and fell for her, what do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Need help with parents and university
POST: So as you all know, the college app season is upon us and everyone is super stressed and anxious and I'm having such a hard time with my mom. She very recently got diagnosed with cancer again (3rd time) and is extremely opposed to me going to a university that is about 2 and half hour drive away. They want me to commute 40 minutes to a university that is extremely new and small and I'm not exaggerating is in the middle of nowhere and has nothing to do. Both of my older brothers go there and have no complaints because they are not social people so it seems so crazy and new that I actually want to leave and go to a better university (UC Santa Cruz).
Because she has cancer, she wants the whole family to stay together for as long as possible because it is pretty serious this time around. I understand this, and I get it, and I want it to. But I know if I go to the university close to home, I will not be happy, and I've tried to see it in positive ways to make it work but I really just can't see myself going there.
I have no clue what to do. I am so completely stressed with school, the cancer, and all this college shit. I feel so guilty for wanting to go away, but not one part of me wants to stay home, especially with such an amazing university only 2 and a half hours away. Can anyone give me advice?
TL;DR: | I want to move away for college, but mom with cancer wants me to stay home and go to a boring/not so good college |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: To get what you want, you have to ask for what you want.
POST: I just broke up with my boyfriend. I did this because I thought that, after a year, we still didn't know each other. He didn't know my secrets, he didn't know about my past bout of depression or that most of the time I still feel like crap, yet I expected that he would make me feel better.
And there he was, totally honest about his anxiety disorder and I did everything I could to be there for him. In my case, I was too proud to be honest about my faults, and didn't want to bring him down with any negativity, thus the relationship went no where.
After breaking up with him he mentioned that he always wanted to get to know me better, he wanted me to tell him everything about myself, even though he had never explicitly said so.
Now I'm stuck here thinking that if I would have been more open, and if he would have asked more questions, things would have been great... I could have fixed him, he could have fixed me... and we would have both turned out for the better. Instead I tried to fix him and he wondered why I wouldn't open up. Neither of us asked for what we wanted, but now i realize you can't just expect things if you don't tell people you're expecting them.
I think the worst part is that he was great otherwise, super nice never did a thing wrong.
TL;DR: | I never told my boyfriend what I wanted and he never told me what he wanted. Now it's over and I'm a jack ass. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24/m] am having a hard time coming to terms with my ex[28/F] dating someone else. (7 year relationship)
POST: So we have been broken up for about 6 months now. However 3 months ago we decided that we were going to try and make it work again, I now live 4 hours away from her in another state so I drove to visit her, stayed in a hotel and went to a concert together, and we had an absolutely wonderful time, we did that once more about a month and a half ago. Shortly after I left(about 2 weeks) she called me and said that she just wanted to be friends( this is not long after confessing her love for me, never wanting to leave/hurt me, etc.)
So fast forward to 3 days ago, she cuts all contact with me and makes a post on a forum that we both frequent asking for advice on how to cut all ties with me, that she is seeing someone else, etc.
I was heartbroken, here I was thinking that she was just taking some time to gather her thoughts, and let her life settle down more( she has a new really stressful job).
I kind of broke down and called her a lot, texted her, and made the mistake of replying to her post on the forum, which got me perm banned from it.
She finally spoke to me yesterday and told me that for the last month and a half she has been seeing a guy that she works with, and that she wants to see how it goes with him...
I understand why she is doing that, and I want to respect her choice, but I am dying on the inside, I feel betrayed and I am more depressed than I have ever been.
She told me that she loves him, that he's a great guy, even has a bigger dick than me. I mean ouch.
So I guess my question is how do I move on from this?
She says she still wants to be friends and all, but I am in so much pain whenever I think of her being with another man.
TL;DR: | GF of 7 years left me, said she was going to try and make it work with me, then started sleeping with another guy. Help. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What needs to be invented? - Help a Product Design Student
POST: Is there something that you do on a daily basis that annoys you?
Something that seems inefficient?
Is there a tool that you use that makes you say "why doesn't this work better?"
Or a tool/toy/product/piece of furniture/piece of equipment that you wish existed?
I'll be going into my Senior year in Industrial (product) design. It is my duty to solve problems, and make life easier for my product users. My final semester includes my capstone project and I could think of no better place than to ask Reddit what they need invented, what problems they need solved.
I am not concerned on focusing on a certain type of product, or a certain type of user. All I ask is that it be a problem that needs to be tended to. (If anyone has a disability and finds certain tasks to be more difficult than they should/need to be I would really appreciate your input.)
There are several of us in my class, and we will also have several other ongoing projects so more than one issue could possibly be looked at over the academic year.
TL;DR: | What product innovations would make your life easier so I can design it for my senior project, and possibly have it manufactured? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My gf[17 F] told me[17 M] that she wanted a break.
POST: To put it frankly she works all of the time. Combined with us both going to school, her collage, it's very hard for us to see/talk to each other, especially this past month.
Last night, she called me and told me that she had a crush on another guy she works with, and that she wanted to take a "break". However. I talked with her for about an hour over the phone explaining how stupid that was, and now she's begging for me to forgive her for trying to break up with me, and wants to be together again. And now she's pissed that I'm not quick to forgive and forget her breaking up with me.
I genuinely don't know what to do. It's been going quite strong for about 7 months now. (we've been dating for 8).
TL;DR: | Gf broke up with me for 10 mins, to try and immediately get back, I'm slow to forgive her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [27M] messed up: Called my girlfriend [27F] selfish for not wanting children.
POST: "Kate" and I have been dating for about a year and a half. I love her more than anything and I believe she's my soul mate. She on the other hand, is not convinced. I know she loves me, but she's never been the romantic type and doesn't really believe in soul mates or lifelong connections. It took a long time for her to adjust to being in a relationship with me, and I know she sometimes still struggles with feeling like she can't be independent or "free." (I don't want to make her sound like she's cold or a bad girlfriend-- she's the most self-aware, generous, and kind person I know.)
From the very beginning, Kate has been extremely open about the fact that she doesn't plan to get married or have children. She's told me this numerous times.
Recently though, I've started feeling like I want the next part of my life to start, and kids are a big part of that. I can deal with not being married, but I have *always* wanted kids. Yesterday I sat Kate down and told her how I was feeling. She seemed annoyed, which I don't understand at all, and reiterated that she doesn't want children. I got upset, it escalated, and we ended up fighting. In the heat of the moment I said "The only reason you don't want kids is so you can keep living your selfish 'all about me' life!" Kate immediately left my house and I haven't seen or heard from her since.
I feel absolutely terrible and ashamed. I know I didn't handle it right. I've called and texted her apologies, but she hasn't responded. This can't be the end of our relationship. I literally don't know how I'll live knowing I ended it all with some stupid fight.
How can I make it up to her and show how sorry I am?
TL;DR: | Called my girlfriend selfish for not wanting kids, now she won't speak to me and I don't know how to fix it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Will you help me get excited to re-start my weight loss?
POST: Background- When I went to college I was a decently healthy 155lbs/70kg 5'6 girl. A year into school, I weighed 205lbs/93kg, gained 50lbs for all the normal reasons people gain in college. In January of 2010, I got my act together and lost 35lbs over the course of 8 months through Weight Watchers and training for a 5k. I also became a vegetarian. I was SO HAPPY, and over the next school year my weight fluctuated a bit but I always got back on track and maintained for the most part.
Then in March I found out that a long-time boyfriend had been cheating on me, and I lost another 10 pounds, counting calories but using most of them on vodka. I thought I was happy being single, but that summer it all fell apart, and my depression combined with moving into a big city and working full time made me gain 15lbs in 3 months. I wish I was exaggerating about that paragraph...
Now, I was maintaining at 175, but stress has pushed me to 180. I have an awful relationship with food, and dieting is torture because of it. Since I'm laying it all out, I might as well say that I binge eat at least twice a week, to the tune of at least 1500kcal each time.
I just want to get back to my healthy weight loss. I don't want a miracle, I know its hard, but I'm tired of this crap. I'm constantly angry with myself for making poor choices, but somehow that anger isn't translating to motivation.
I am a strong woman, I have a good job and just graduated with honors. I know I can do this. I just can't make myself do this. I'm sorry this is so long, I guess I just need someone to kick me in the butt and tell me to get over myself! I want to be strong, healthy and get these birthin' hips into some size 6 jeans!
TL;DR: | PLEASE help me get motivated to start eating right and exercising again! [In these pictures, I am 205lbs and 160lbs.]( |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19M] broke up with GF[19F] 8 months ago, now I want her back.
POST: I broke up with my GF of 2 years last November because I just didn't feel like I loved her and it wasn't going anywhere. After breaking up, we kind of started a FWB thing in January and have been hanging out a little bit. I kept encouraging her to go out and meet someone else so she finally did now and she wants to end our FWB relationship.
I completely understand that except now that I know she's seeing someone else, I want her back because I realize I was rejecting my true feelings for her. For the last few days I have been trying to see if she wants to go out one night but every night I seem to ask she says she's busy and doesn't really give me a night she's free.
We really are very close and she and I were each others first love. I have been trying to talk to her for the last few days and sometimes we chat a little, but as soon as I bring up my feelings, she stops responding. I am asking her to call me tonight so we can clear the air. All I want is a chance to win her back.
If anyone has any help or insight as to what I can do please help!
TL;DR: | I broke up with my GF, we then had a FWB relationship while I told her to find another guy. Now that she found another guy, I want her back because I know I love her. What can I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How can I [23F] network with several ex-coworkers [30s/40sF] who recently quit without being pushy or insensitive?
POST: I work at a small company. Until about a month ago, I was close to two of the executives (let's call them Jane and Susan). Neither was my boss but I voluntarily helped them a lot because what they did is closer to what I actually want to do. The three of us carpooled sometimes and I loved to spend time with them and learn from them.
About a month ago, there was some drama at the executive level and we basically lost 4 of 8 executives in a week. Both Jane and Susan quit. Both of them seemed at peace with their decisions, we spoke multiple times after they gave notice but before they actually left the building. They both know that I want to leave and were actively telling me to GTFO.
The drama and inevitable changes to the work culture pretty much means that a lot of people (including myself) are planning to leave pretty soon. I'm sort of scratching the surface of what has been a massive amount of drama/stress but that's the short version.
I texted Jane about something two weeks ago about something non-work related and she didn't text me back. This morning, I asked her to go to coffee sometime soon and she texted back quickly but the tone is not as enthusiastic somehow. I'm worried something has changed and I'm worried about being insensitive/self-centered.
They have both expressed an interest in my professional career and I think they would be willing to give me suggestions/advice/connect me with people but it's just a little awkward.
My goals for meeting for coffee was to catch up with her and accept whatever she offers in terms of connecting me or just taking a look at my resume. Last time we spoke, both Susan and Jane were planning to take some time off/consult/freelance/etc. Both of them are married with young kids so it's not the end of the world. But when someone says they're consulting part-time, it's hard to know whether that's actually what they want to do or if they just haven't been able to find a full-time job yet.
TL;DR: | Meeting up with two higher level ex-coworkers who quit, I need to network and get myself out of this terrible company without being insensitive. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: Crate Training Times?
POST: Here is the story. I have a 2.5 year old dog who is really well trained. Well trained to the point that I have never bothered crate training her. I can leave her in my house or the car without problem. I never wanted/needed to crate train her so I never did.
Now though we are working on some higher level dog classes and I know for one in particular that is upcoming I am going to need her crate trained for. During portions of it dogs are kenneled in the same or another room for single dog demonstrations. I tried it out and she is okay in another room but will not shut up if I am in the same room.
So, I have got some mixed up advice about it. Some people say put your dog in the crate, and leave. Ignore it completely, etc. But another trainer said start by crating it in the same room as you with a juicy bone for an hour when you watch TV. Teach it that crating is not a punishment, and does not mean you are going to leave the house.
I have noticed that she does seem to be 'crate trained' to the car. If she is being loud or naughty tied up or in a kennel I can put her in the car, even with all the windows rolled down and us only 10 feet away, and she will be perfectly silent and well-behaved. I can only assume that this is because she has had enough reinforcement that barking does not work in the car. I mean, if I put her in the car and go somewhere and she barks...nothing happens obviously because I cannot even hear her. So is this what I should do with her crate? Put her in it when I need to leave on a short errand and let her bark herself out?
I don't want to kennel her at night. I like having her around and she is also my wake-up call. So I want to do this during the day. Just hoping you guys have some advice about crate training an adult dog during the day.
TL;DR: | Need advice about crate training an adult, well-behaved dog during the daytime (must be out at night) in preparation for having to have her crated at class. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Does my relationship sound weird (24F and 26M, 1 yr)...?
POST: I'm still undecided about what I really want from the relationship and I'm worried we may end up having different aims...
I think my BF is happy 'floating' in the relationship. He has bipolar disorder and needs a lot of time alone so he has concerns about living together. I stated that we can always get a place with 2 bedrooms and that he managed to live with his best friend before so I'm sure we could manage somehow. I guess he's also concerned that it may get boring if we spend most of our time together, which I guess I can understand but then how do a lot of couples manage living together?! He seems to be on board with the idea of me moving to the same town as him though so we could hang out more...
I'm not quite sure what his hang up on marriage is either. We haven't really discussed that properly though. Why are people for/against marriage? I don't really understand - I just keep thinking that people do it because it's the 'normal' thing to do. I have confused feelings about marriage - yes, it'll be nice to have the public ceremony but is that all at the end of the day?
As for kids, I'm not really sure about them but I could change my mind in the future. I have a feeling that he doesn't want them because of his bipolar.
We haven't met each other's parents either or many friends. I used to be concerned because again, it's the 'normal' thing to do but we've both realised that we don't find this an important step. He said something about how his thinks his friends' relationships got boring once they got to that stage but I don't quite understand that...
Anyway, I was just wondering what people make of this relationship... It's both our first long-term one. I think I'm having a hard time figuring out if I want actually something or if I just want it because it's the 'normal' thing.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend and I don't seem to have long-term plans to meet each other's friends/parents, move in together, get married or have kids. Are we doomed...?! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: A girl [f/20] I'm [m/24] seeing is rating me like a product on an app called Luluvise, where do I even start?
POST: So today I found out this girl I'm seeing is rating me like a commodity on some app just for girls called Luluvise - I don't like it - what is it, what do you think about it, and how does one stop it?
If this were a website for men, it would be called misogynist. I think shit like this represents a very disturbing trend in our society. One in which stalking is considered normal and where something as personal as relationships can be labelled and packaged like every other god damned thing out there. Relationships have always been about trust for me, but how can I trust someone that rates me like a product? This made me sick to my stomach to think that this is going on without the knowledge or consent of the men (particularly me) listed on there, but also by the fact that women themselves seem to use it often.
I confronted her about it and told her my reason for not liking, but she didn't really seem phased by what I was saying, she just brushed it off. How common is this? Also just WTF? I doubt I'll keep seeing her, but I'd like to know how I can block myself from being listed there.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend I've been with for 3 months is rating me on Luluvise and I don't like it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: This is such a terrible day. Just need to get it out...
POST: So today started off like any normal day. Went to work, which has been a little tense lately and my area is rumored to be laying off 2,000 jobs the next few months. I'm a part time employee at an engineering firm as a drafter/do whatever anyone wants. I'm part time because I'm going to school to be a drafter. I got an email for a manditory lunch with the owner of the company I work for on June 9th. FYI the company has about 200-300 employees. The lunch is with me and about 6 other people, one of which I know has a strong chance at getting fired. My dad also works at the company and I asked him what was going on because it sounded like a 2 week notice, but from the companies side. After that I got an email changing it to the week after on the 16th, so 3 weeks until the lunch, which just so happens to coincide with me getting out of school. So from what I gather I have 3 weeks until I lose my job. Nothing is official, but it sure sounds like it. What do you guys think?
So with that news I felt like I really needed a cold beer after work. So I went to the gas station near my house and there was a cop there getting stuff as well (he was there before me). So as I left he was still there, which made me suspicious and worried. He didn't follow right away but he caught up and pulled me over. So about a year ago I got pulled over and got a ticket for no insurance and I spaced it/neglected it and it became passed due. I knew this would result in my drivers license getting suspended, but I just ignored it, like an idiot.
Had to have my dad come pick me up to drive my car home, the cop didn't take me to jail, he was actually really nice. But now I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place. Shit's finally starting to catch up to me. I knew it would, but damn, all in one day... Let the insults fly or AmA. Just need to take it one day at a time now. It should all work out, I hope.
TL;DR: | Got a strong hint that I might lose my job in 3 weeks at the end of the school year. Got pulled over, had suspended license, now totally fraked. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Why does my friend keep calling me Morton?
POST: I understand that this will probably be ignored, but I don't know where else to go.
When I get frustrated with my friend's trolling or complain about anything in general around him, he calls me Morton. Some of my other friends are in on in, but they won't tell me what it's in reference too. They say it's something I should know, but I don't. It isn't the name calling that bothers me; just that I don't know what it means. I've scoured the internet and found nothing. I turn to Reddit in my time of need. I'll give more info if asked. My friend is a big gamer, if that helps any.
TL;DR: | My gamer friend calls me Morton when I get frustrated or complain, and I don't know what he's referring to. Any (serious) suggestions are welcome. |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: HOT GIRLS AT GYM-HELP :)
POST: I am a 22(M) , buff, attractive and confident. Constantly see cuties at the gym and want to know some smart strategies to approach. Okay, I know you're all going to say not to do it and stuff but hey, I will never see these girls anywhere else (for now) and have decided to finally man up. I want to meet my swolemate and this is the place to do it! I believe many females who have a passion for fitness and want their "Swolemate" are ignorant to believe they can't be hit on at the gym because ultimately that's the #1 spot!
TL;DR: | Decided to finally man up and hit on girls at the gym. Don't care about rejection..Best way to approach for an attractive, outgoing male? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Signle, gay [27M], suffering from what I'm calling third-date syndrome.
POST: I got out of a three-year relationship about 9 months ago, and I've recently started dating around a bit. I'm not necessarily on the hunt for a relationship, but I do enjoy a bit of romance in my life.
Most guys I meet I don't click with, which is fine - you can't expect to bond with every man you go on a date with. However, throughout my life when I've been single and dating, I find I have this problem - I go on a date, and we click and I have a great time. We agree to a second date, and by the time it happens, I'm feeling REALLY into the guy and want to keep him around.
Then we go on a third date, and I find myself just ITCHING to get out of there. I lose all sexual attraction, I don't find them interesting or funny anymore, and I just can't wait until it's over so I can go home and call it quits.
I don't know why this happens to me. I suppose it could be a fear of intimacy or commitment, but my last boyfriend lasted three years, and I come from a very loving and intimate family. Speaking of my last boyfriend, I think I probably suffered from third-date syndrome with him, but back then, I just pushed through it and ended up getting myself into a long-term, less-than-satisfying relationship. I wish I HAD walked away after the third date - it would have saved both of us a lot of grief three years later.
Now I'm thinking of taking a break from dating altogether until I get this shit sorted.
Does this happen to anyone else? Anyone have some insight?
TL;DR: | I'm a gay guy who loses attraction to interesting guys on the third date, and I don't know what to fucking do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [M15] need help with getting a girl [15F] who has a HUGE crush on me to leave me alone.
POST: I met this girl (let's call her T) in class a few weeks back when she started sitting beside me. We talked a lot and became friends but being a guy I totally missed that she had a crush on me until one of my good friends that knows her as well told me that she does. And apparently its pretty intense. I dont like T in that way at all and now I'm not even sure I want to be friends. T has also told my good friend that T thinks I like her back and that we are close to dating. I think T thinks this because I may have accidentally led her on because this is the first time a girl has flirted with me first so I didn't know how to react. Somehow T got the idea that me and my close friend were dating because we went to a movie together as friends and when T found out she hit my good friend and told her to keep her distance. So basically I want this girl to leave me alone but I dont know how to tell her that or what I should do to accomplish this. Thanks in advance!
TL;DR: | met a girl. She likes me a LOT. I dont like her. She's getting a bit crazy. Need help getting rid of her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [34 M] looking for closure from a digression that my wife [34 F] had 5 years ago. My only help is a friend that very well may have a crush on me.
POST: About 5 years ago my wife sought companionship in an old friend from high school. She maintained a 'relationship' with this guy for a few months. As far as I know they never had sex. She confessed to the relationship, we went to therapy, things got better. I still think about it every damn day.
This is incredibly draining on me. My wife tells me that she has been completely honest with me regarding what happened during this time. I want to believe her wholeheartedly but I don't know if I'll ever be able to without definitive proof. The closest I have to proof is held by a friend of ours. My wife confided in this friend during our difficult times and I suspect this is the only person that knows, in any detail, what my wife did during that time.
In the recent past my wife has distanced herself from this friend. I think in large part because the friend flirts with me. I may be oblivious but I'm not convinced the friend is interested in me, rather it's just fun to flirt with people.
My dilemma: I want to corroborate my wife's recall of the events that took place and the only way I see that being possible is if I contact the friend. I would prefer to contact her without my wife's knowledge because I don't want their long-term friendship to prevent the truth being told. Obviously my wife will be livid if she were to find out I went behind her back and spoke with this friend. Advice?
TL;DR: | Wife had short relationship behind my back. I need closure and the only person able to give me closure is a friend that my wife has effectively cut out of our lives. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Update: my girlfriend (f20) just broke up with me (m20) 2 1/2 years
POST: Original:
I'm starting to feel like she never cared about me is that normal? I feel like she never loved me or even hardly liked me, she seems to be fine after the break up, I'm still dying inside, I don't even know why, if she didn't care about me, why can't I stop feeling like I'm being crushed? I can't stand the thought of her dating someone else and I get so angry at her now, I don't even know why, I couldn't be angry when she broke up with me but I'm furious now, about so much. I feel like I'm so alone...
TL;DR: | why can't I just feel better, why can't I just not care about this break up like she is doing? Should I be angry? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Bit of a complicated situation to do with a breakup any advice appreciated.
POST: I had an episode of pure selfishness on new years, to call it rage would be appropriate but it wasnt.
I wanted a way to stop feeling so pressured and to just be calm. I broke up with my girlfriend for no reason other than i was stressed and lashed out and now i hate what i did.
She understands it was the depression and she knows because she has depression as well but she is still hurt by what i did.
We are starting again seeing each other but now im more lucid and less self hating its not enough i just want my girlfreind back to talk to.
We cuddled last night and watched tv but when i asked her where we stand she just said we are going in the right direction and nothing else. Im having trouble seeing this as a good sign.
Do i keep this person in my life? Do i cut her out for her sake as well as mine?
I respect her decision and I am learning my lesson more and more every day, this wont happen again im seeing a councillor for the first time in an effort to control myself to be a better person.
Any advice on how to carry on? What do i do? How do i fix this? Can i even fix it?
TL;DR: | Broke up with girlfriend over depression, we still seeing each other but im having trouble dealing with how slow its going. Just want to deal with it until we are in a better place. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Am I (25M) selfish in wanting more sex with my girlfriend (27F) now that I see her more often?
POST: We've been together for nearly two years. For most of our relationship we've only seen each other 1 or 2 times a week, and we would be intimate pretty much every time. But on average about once a week.
Now I'm helping her get ready for some important exams, and I've seen her pretty much everyday for the past few weeks.
I feel and want more intimacy now that I see her more often, but she still only wants to have it once a week.
Am I unfair in wanting more because we get more facetime?
I've talked about with her but nothing.
TL;DR: | see my girlfriend more and want more sex, but she still wants to have the same amount of sex as when we saw each other rarely |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 F] with my boyfriend [20 M] of two years, I've been emotionally manipulative lately.
POST: I know I am in the wrong here, I'm not trying to explain my actions. Please don't be too harsh without advice. I just want to stop this awful habit and treat my boyfriend the right way.
Lately, when my boyfriend does not do something I want, I pout or say something that I think might change his mind.
For instance, last night we and some friends were about to go out together to eat and he called me about five minutes before we all met up to say he had a head ache and didn't want to go. I had been driving all day and said "it's okay if you don't go but I don't feel sympathy for you because you know I'm running on no sleep and have literally just driven home from a road trip (for scholastic reasons, think little sleep and lots of lectures)." Or I'll say something like "okay, I'll just do this fun thing (kayaking, watching the sunrise etc) that you're rejecting with someone else if I have to".
The good news is my boyfriend does not fall for it in anyway. He stands firm in his decisions. He's mentioned one time I seemed like I was trying to bully him and he wouldn't let me. Other than that instance, (which was more of a direct push for what I want, than an emotional tactic) he's not mentioned it. I want to kick this before it ruins our relationship.
I know that what I'm doing is manipulative and wrong. I hate that I've been doing this lately. I didn't realize I've developed this habit until last night. I'd like to accept when my boyfriend says no and not try to change his mind using emotionally manipulative tactics. It's a really douche move. What can I do to consciously break this habit?
What do you say, reddit? Can you help me be less of a dick?
TL;DR: | I've been really Dickish when my boyfriend cancels plans or rejects an idea. How can I do better about accepting no as an answer gracefully? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: It's Prom season, let's hear some of Reddits craziest Prom stories
POST: I'll start. Senior prom, downtown Atlanta, get to the door to go in, principal says I'm not allowed inside because she was a fat bitch (whole nother story in its own). After raising absolute hell for a minute it started raining and they shut the doors. So me and my then girlfriend have a few hours to kill so we decide to just walk around the city...in a tux and dress... Which was not a good idea. After a few too many bum encounters we decided to walk into this outdoor shop/business office kinda fuckin thing. After exploring the place for a little bit we found a propped open door to the stairwell. (apparently they were doing work down in the parking garage down there. But we walked up the stairs TO THE FUCKIN INSTANT ACCESS ROOFTOP. And of course super smooth high school me suggests we fuck on the rooftop. I recommend this to everyone whenever available (came off the side of the building haha) so we after that, we make our way back down the stairwell and try to leave but of course all the doors lock from the inside. So we're panicking, thinking we're locked in here for a while. So after about 15 minutes of chilling in the stairwell (not going down to the parking garage, too many workers and official city people who would not have been pleased to see two teenagers running aroun his construction zone that late) but anyways, after losing all hope fuckin Randy Random comes walking out of his office after finishing up some overdue reports or some shit. I see him, feelsgoodman.jpeg. Bang on the door, he opens the door just takes a look at us giving me the duhfuq look and I just give him a wink and say "Great prom. Thanks for saving us bro" and walk back towards the prom. We almost miss the party bus back but everything turned out just fine, couldn't have asked for a better senior prom.
TL;DR: | kicked out of prom, fuck on roof, trapped in stairwell, get saved and freak the fuck out of dude at the same time. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I [22m] ask her [20f] out over text?
POST: So here is the short version of this story. About a year ago there was this cute girl in a class i was a TA of sorts in. I wanted to ask her out back then but felt is was inappropriate seeing as how I was grading her assignments. Anyways, fast forward about a year later and we don't really talk all that much. We both happen to play the same sport at our college so that has kind of been a mutual talking point whenever we'd see each other. She popped up in my mind recently and I wanted to ask her out so I texted her and invited her to go play tennis with me. the plan was to ask her to lunch or something after but she is leaving the country for pretty much the rest of summer. So is it a bad idea to text her something like
"So listen, I know this is out of the blue but I want to be honest with you, I've thought you were cute from the first day i saw you and wanted to ask you out then but obviously I couldn't. Would you be down to go on a date with me when you get back? Dinner and a movie?"
Tonight or tomorrow before she leaves?
TL;DR: | girl I haven't talked to in a while is leaving the country but I wanted to ask her out through text, should I wait? |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Friends to Keep Track Of
POST: Hey there folks. I've been on my "actually getting off my ass and paying attention to calories" thing for a little over a week now, and I already feel like I'm making awesome progress.
I've got a request, though! What keeps me interested and motivated are the success stories and progress pictures that keep getting posted to /r/loseit every day. Seeing other people stay on track helps me do the same. With that in mind, anyone willing to link up as Friends on the [Lose it!] site to motivate each other? :D The more, the merrier!
TL;DR: | Let's add each other on fitness sites. Find me on [Lose it!] and [My Fitness Pal] at norumu[at]gmail.com |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [17/M] am not sure what to do with this relationship
POST: I am interested in this girl, which happens to be my friends ex.
I am closer to her than to him though. When me and her first met, it was sometime during spring or summer of last year. Me and her instantly connected as friends though.
She understands me, unlike everybody else where I live. I have helped her and my friend with relationship problems before. Of course, I would rather her be happy with him than me happy with her.
From my point of view, their relationship wasn't the best. All he is interested in doing is smoking weed and she has told me that she feels he always needs to be high and is always high when they hang out.
Not too long ago, she ended up cheating on him. Her and I were talking about that, and she owned up to her mistake, and I'm not judging her on it, because we all make mistakes, and I could tell it was killing her inside, and she also lost a lot of friends because of it.
Her and her ex are trying to work stuff out, and they are kind of waiting a little before they start dating again to make sure it's what they both want. I'm waiting for a confirmation on whether or not they will be getting back together before I make any moves.
I have told her that I have my eye on someone (her), but she doesn't know it's her. I keep telling myself that I can't help who I'm attracted to.
Is this a wrong thing to do? How should I go about telling her without totally ruining the friendship between me and her?
Oh, and please, no judgment over the fact that she cheated. If anything happens between me and her, I will be cautious, but I doubt she will do it again.
TL;DR: | Interested in friends ex. Closer to her than him. Is this wrong? How should I go about telling her I like her without ruining our relationship? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Cupcake help?
POST: So my knowledge of cupcakes is next to none, expect a few basic things, and I could never really eat them.. But enough about that.
My best friend's birthday is coming up in roughly 6 weeks, and she mentioned her love of cupcakes, so I thought it would be a perfect birthday present for her. Problem is, she lives in California and Im NZ, so I cant go around checking out what shops have the best cupcakes (and good on price too) she also mentioned something about a * carmel bomb cupcake which contained vanilla, caramel centre, butter cream frosting* Did a small google search on them, and I couldnt find anything that matched that description (my google skills are also terrible..) -_-
Also ideas on best cupcakes out there? I've looked through some sites, but I have no idea what any taste like.
..
TL;DR: | Need help with cupcakes to send to America for birthday present, recommedation on yummy cupcakes that arent too harsh on the wallet. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 F] with my BF [21 M] of six months, I can't help but still feel sad that he accidentally ruined a dress I loved.
POST: I interned over the summer at a fashion house and we had this insane employee discount sale event (the only time I was able to afford the clothes as a college student). I purchased this gorgeous dress that was a go-to for work, special events, or even a cool night out. It was $90, still expensive but not unaffordable, but I've never had a dress like it and knew it was versatile but a stand out.
I wore it about three times, and on the fourth wear, I wore it to an engagement party for my boyfriend's friends. I stayed over at my boyfriend's place afterward (I do that a lot) and accidentally left the dress behind.
Low and behold, he accidentally put it through the washing machine (it's a dry clean only piece). It shrunk drastically and got wrinkles that are irreparable. I was so upset but bit my lip and said it was okay since it was a genuine accident. My boyfriend said he felt terrible, but hasn't offered to make it up to me or do anything about it. I don't want to be a bitch and ask him to, but seriously, if I ruined any of his beloved new clothes, I'd at least offer to buy a replacement or buy dinner/drinks or SOMETHING.
I brought it up once after his initial apology saying I was still upset, and he just said he felt terrible about it. I said it's not his fault. I can't get over it though. I really liked that dress and it's painful seeing $90 go down the drain after such few wears and see him do NOTHING to make it up to me other than a "i'm so sorry".
One thing's for sure. Despite what he says I'm NEVER wearing my favorite/expensive clothes to his place. I don't want to risk it.
Do I just let it go? Will I get over it?
TL;DR: | BF accidentally (permanently) ruins a beloved and expensive new dress of mine and I can't get over it. Am I a brat? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Best way to have discussion with Supervisor?
POST: In my current shop their are 3 Developers. 1 is an intern who recently turned full-time once he got enough college credit for his Associates Degree. We had 4, but our lead Developer with over 17yrs IT experience left for a better position elsewhere.
I have been in my current shop for over a year now. I was hired on straight out of college as an I.T. 1 at the lowest spectrum of the pay scale. Since that time I have learned a lot and become one of the most experienced Developers on our team, beaten in Seniority by only 4 months.
There are positions for I.T. 1-4, with requirements that the person has at least one years experience as the previous rank before they can move up.
What is the best way to go about discussing with my Supervisor that I would be interested in moving up to an I.T. 2? My opinion carries weight in a lot of decisions made during development these days and my supervisor knows I am dependable for almost any task.
I know a lot of employees in the agency move up by simply changing departments when openings happen, getting assigned I.T. 1-4 based on their experience, but I like where I am at and don't desire to leave just yet.
I had planned to bring it up during my Employee review, but after my 6-month probationary period ended I was told we would have the first one after another 6-months, with each year thereafter. It has now been over 8 months since my probationary period ended and I'm trying to figure the best way to bring the issue up.
Any help appreciated.
TL;DR: | How best to approach supervisor about interest in moving up from an I.T. 1 to an I.T. 2? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: So I get extremely overwhelmed whenever I try to shop...what can I do to help this?
POST: So I've always been okay socially. I have a good group of friends, that I have known for years. I have a girlfriend of almost a year and don't usually have a problem conversing with people in general. I admit I'm a little awkward with people I don't know, but who isn't?
I've noticed in the past few years, however, that whenever I go to the store (especially clothing stores) to purchase something I become very reclusive. I get extremely overwhelmed and I come out of the situation feeling extremely uneasy and awkward. I'm not sure what it is, if its social anxiety or if its something more simple to explain.
Take, for example, yesterday...I decided to meet my girlfriend at the mall, because she wanted to go shopping and I needed a few things myself. I was in a great mood when I got there and we started off shopping for her. This went fine. I mean I felt like I was a little in the way and slightly unsure what to do with myself, but I was still conversational. Then we decide to go to a store and look for some clothes for me. As soon as I walk in I realize I don't know where to start. There are so many different things to choose from. Everything is so organized, and I don't want to mess it up. I just sort of froze up. My mind felt almost like it went completely blank. With my girlfriend's help I ended up trying a few things on and buying some of them, but after that I felt off. Like I just did not feel like myself any more. I couldn't put together a conversation afterwards, my mind was all over the place. Or rather it just seemed to not even be there functioning
I'm sure that I'm not the only one who gets this, I'm just wondering if anyone has a way of overcoming it.
TL;DR: | I get uncomfortable/overwhelmed shopping to the point that I freeze up and cannot think. Does anyone have any advice to help with this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by telling a very sick child that they were going to end up brain-dead.
POST: This happened quite literally 30 minutes ago.
I am a male pediatric RN who works full time as a nurse for sick children.
One of our 'frequent flyers' (a chronically ill patient who has frequent hospital admissions) has a progressive neurological disorder, and includes loss of faculties as the disease progresses.
This particular patient is a HUGE fan of the 'Veggie Tales' series, and watches them over, and over, and over. He doesn't watch anything else, ever.
His mother is present at all times and very active in his care, but it is a sad situation to watch a child's health gradually decline.
So as I am caring for the patient, he is watching 'Veggie Tales' on his tablet, as always.
This is where I f'd up. In an attempt at playful banter, I let this gem fly:
"You sure do love the Veggie Tales, don't you? One of these days you're going to turn into a vegetable yourself!"
Cue immediate regret, and expression of shock on mother's face.
TL;DR: | Told a chronically ill child, who LOVES the 'Veggie Tales' cartoon, that he was going to turn into a vegetable. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: BF watches porn everyday
POST: My (24F) serious bf (23M) of about 6 months now watches porn everyday. I understand that he is going to watch it, but to engage in it (watching porn/looking at nudes) everyday seems like a lot to me. When I try to talk to him about it, he just seems to get defensive or mad at me, saying I am the only girl who does not understand. I am just wondering how common it is for someone in a relationship to do these things. If it is as frequent as looking everyday, I would like to know ways in which I can be more comfortable with it or more acceptable of it. I would hate for something so petty to put a strain on our relationship.
TL;DR: | BF watches porn everyday and I would like to know if this is common. If so, how do I become more comfortable with it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I'm in a abusive relationship, I have no clue what to do. Can someone please help me or give me advice?
POST: Throw-away for a few reasons.
I am in a abusive relationship, I wish I could just leave, but I can't. The abuse had been going on for awhile.. I had raised a daughter with my fiancee at the time and finally after he beat me one day I decided to leave.. I had someone to rely on then but no longer do I have that, I was pregnant with his son. Having no where to go I had to go back to him after he begged for me to come back. The apartment we live in is under both of our names
I'm to scared to contact the authorities and I really don't want this to hurt my children or myself in anyway. The last thing I want to see is him go insane and hurt us.
He is abusive towards the kids physically and verbally, but at the same time can be a good dad. I no longer have connections with my parents due to difficulties with them. I'm not allowed to leave the house anymore unless he times it and even allows it. I have to sleep on the sofa every night. He has hidden my asthma inhaler just to see me go into a asthma attack just so I would beg for it back. I don't have my GED, or my high school diploma due to me having to leave school early.
I'm not the best looking woman so I know me ever finding another man to help me is far out of the question. I just need help, I'm tired of running in circles and tired of the constant stress and grief this is bringing to both me and my kids.
TL;DR: | in a abusive relationship, constantly harrased, beaten, yelled at. Not sure of where to go or what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Wife (35F) having emotional affair, kissed boss (51M), now claims attempted assault....
POST: So about 2 or 3 months ago, my wife started telling me that her boss was flirting hard with her and making inappropriate comments for approximately 6-8 months. She didn't want to go to HR because he's a doctor and without him the speciality office she works in would close and her and her coworkers would be unemployed.
She's been getting increasingly distant since, and acting very strange. I finally had enough and confronted her.
During the course of the conversation, she admitted that she been flirting back, exchanging texts, etc. and had kissed him and basically let him feel her up in the stairwell at the hospital. Naturally I was upset but I didn't say anything or lose my temper.
Then, she broke down. She said that a couple weeks ago, he cornered her in his office after a weekend call case, started kissing her, and somehow got all of his clothes off before she could "get away."
But she still doesn't want to report him, report what I would call an assault, and wants to keep working there.
I'm so confused and I just don't know what to think. Is she having an affair and that story is an attempt to make me less mad or throw me off the scent? Is she really sorry about the kiss and genuinely upset about the office encounter?
Am I totally a sucker, or what? How the hell do I handle this, knowing she has off hour call where the two of them will be alone in the future?
Help!
TL;DR: | Wife admitted kissing boss, then says he tried to assault her weeks later; she still wants to work there and refuses to report him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I'm [31 M] My girlfriend [27 f] is an AMAZING human being! But she's a very bad kisser and it's killing our intimacy. How do I fix this without offending her?
POST: My girlfriend is AMAZING. Beautiful, smart, and an incredibly truly good person. Hard to find and a real catch. I'm lucky to have her. I care for her a lot. But her kiss is a close mouth pucker, if that. Think like a very light peck you'd give a friend on the cheek except repeatedly and on the lips. And a BIG kiss is holding her lips against mine for a longer time. We literally just touch lips repeatedly and it's starting to turn me off to the whole physical experience with her. And when she kisses my face or shoulders or forehead, it's without exaggeration, just lightly touching the surface of her skin to mine. No smooch.
I don't want to lose her but also don't want a relationship that lacks the intimacy anyone would crave. I consider myself to be a relatively good kisser and have been told as such by enough different people to believe it. My girlfriend and I are in our late 20's early 30's and both have strong sex drives (hers probably stronger than my own) though mine is starting to fall off around her because of this.
She seems to not embrace her own sexuality. She's very pretty but dresses like a kindergarten teacher is large unshapely, poofy dresses with a shall over her shoulders. Can't see any of her form. I'm ok with the modesty but can't get her to feel sexy and BE sensual. It's a very G rate experience up until home base. Is it possible to fix this without offending her? How?
TL;DR: | My girlfriend is amazing and I'm lucky to have her but she's a really bad kisser and it's ruining the intimacy. Need to fix this without offending her |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What are the incidents that seem to have the smallest consequences, but end up affecting you long term?
POST: Once when I was in middle school, I went on a field trip to the Florida keys. It was fun, I was sick and wasn't feeling well, and it was the last day there. We (the students from my school who's parents would pay the over-$1000 fee, including mine) were the last people there, including the camp staff. The complex was outdoors, as well as the shower house. So I go up with one of my friends, and he says "we should take a nude shower" (keep in mind that these are outdoors, the sides and front of the showers are covered but the backs aren't). So me, being all cool, go through with it. I thought nobody would see, because all the other schools left. So lo and behold, right as I'm pulling the shorts up, a camp counselor comes up to me and starts yelling at me. He gets my info (and my friends) and leaves. So we get on the bus for the long drive home, and about an hour later we stop at Wendy's. Then the teacher running the field trip talks to me and tells me I should tell my parents. I text them and we forget about it. This was over spring break. School gets back in, Monday is fine, then Tuesday I get called up. File an incident report. Parents go in and I almost get expelled. They work it down to a suspension, and the school is banned from the sea camp.
TL;DR: | Took a pantsless shower outside at a field trip in middle school (sides and front of the showers are covered), and after a delay of a couple weeks I almost get expelled. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My mother [49 F] is angry with me [22 F] for not being sad about my grandfather's death.
POST: My maternal grandfather recently passed away. It came as a surprise, even though we knew he had poor health. (He smoke and drank a lot during his lifetime, and its effects really came out these past few years.)
When my mother told me, I just kind of received the news with an "Okay, I'm sorry." I think I was blank-faced, because my mother became angry with me and demanded to know why I wasn't sad enough, why I wasn't crying, how could I not be upset over my own grandfather's death. She kept berating and yelling at me until my father intervened. Things have been awkward since, and I still think she's angry at me.
I feel awful about the whole situation. The truth is that although I feel sorry he died, I'm not that sad. I feel like a stranger died and not my grandfather. When other people's relatives die, they are devastated, but I feel relatively little. I am also confused and upset by my mother's behavior. My mother did not have a good relationship with her father (my grandfather) and part of the reason I didn't have a close relationship with him is that she only let me rarely see him. Also, she used to complain before that he was not a nice man and was physically and financially abusive to his wife and kids, so I've always had a negative opinion of him. But she's extremely upset by his death and I don't know how to handle it.
TL;DR: | Grandfather died, and I don't really feel sad about his death because I wasn't really close to him. Mother gets angry at me for my lack of reaction. I feel guilty and frustrated. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: GF [23/F] doesn't like the idea of me [27/M] being apart from her. We've been together for almost 2 years.
POST: I have a business trip coming up and it'll require me to go away for a period of a few days or even a week. My GF has stated in the past that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who travels a lot, but my line of work will require me to travel every now and then.
To be fair, I may have given her a reason to dislike me being away, as I'm not much of a phone-call guy and in the past when I was away I didn't call her much and gave her the impression she is bothering me. I think I've grown since then but still, I want her to understand I love her and think about her even if we don't talk.
I see other people in a relationship and I feel like they are more "independant" than me, they can go away for a week and generally they feel like an individual. I keep attributing that feel into them being in a relationship for longer than I am, but I wonder if that's true. To be clear, I love her very much, we live together and I see my future with her and only her.
This trip isn't mandatory but I want to make a good first imperssion and show up and help, and more importantly - I want to go and have fun doing what I love, how do I tell her that without hurting her feelings?
TL;DR: | gf loves me very much and I love her. I want to go away for business for a few days/week but she won't like it. Any advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [17 M] feel very empty and conflicted after a breakup. I don't know what to do.
POST: I met my ex-girlfriend a little over a year ago. I'll spare the details of how we got together, but we had been together for about a year. Over that time she became my best friend. I shared everything with her, I had complete trust. She was my first serious girlfriend, I had so many firsts, I lost my virginity and overall matured a lot in my opinion.
A few days ago she told me she needed to talk. I didn't think it was anything bad, things like this happened all the time. We talked about everything and it seemed completely normal. To my surprise, she told me that she just doesn't seem to have any romantic feelings towards me anymore. She said she still considers me one of her best friends and whenever im ready, whether that's in a week, a month or never she'd like to talk to me again because she doesn't want to lose me.
This was devastating, I still have feelings for her and I do consider her my best friend. I don't want to lose my best friend. I don't blame her for not feeling romance towards me, that's just something that happened and that's ok. I would love to still be friends and talk to her about my problems and go to her when im upset.
A lot of people say staying friends after breaking up doesn't work but I don't know what I'd do if it couldn't. There was more to the relationship than sex and dates, she was my best friend and I don't feel like I have to lose her. Can this work out? I'm very stressed about it but I want to make it work.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend/best friend and I broke up but we want to stay friends, I don't know what I'd do without her. Can it work? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: If everyone knows that politicians are liars, bought and paid for by opposing rich and powerful individuals, why don't we do anything about it?
POST: To clarify, I don't mean anything irrational or violent like overthrowing a government should be done. Violence doesn't solve anything, wars are primitive and territorial. Is there not a legal process of providing evidence of said politician's amoral crimes against their citizens/humanity and removing those responsible from office?
Now I understand that it is entirely within their rights by way of our legal system to take bribes in the form of campaign money from wealthy and powerful sponsors, but is there no way for the citizens of a country to take legal action against clearly biased representatives, who purposefully mislead citizens? Have we let them barricade themselves by law into power, free from impeachment?
Is it not obvious to everyone that there is something wrong with allowing roughly 500 people to make decisions for about 310 million? There must be something we can do to make a real difference, and I don't mean "vote for a different representative" because it's all a masquerade anyhow.
I know it's pretty much a rant that we've all heard before but I would love to know if there is anything we as citizens can actually do besides bite our nails and hope for the better of two evils. Any lawyers or people schooled in law that could help me understand what a citizen can do to make real changes happen in my lifetime? Is it possible to ban lobbyists from buying our government or to end this game that the rich and powerful play with humanity? How can we the people impeach those who are clearly not interested in providing for their country as well as bar similar scoundrels from office?
TL;DR: | Is there something citizens can do to really make changes happen in our government like stopping all lobbyists from buying our representatives or removing representatives with clear ulterior motives from office? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Is it worth breaking up over?
POST: I'll start by saying that i'm (15M) and my girlfriend is (15F)
If you're still here regardless of our young age, thank you. It means a lot.
So here's the problem at hand, i don't really feel "it" anymore. I'm not happy and often just stress when i think about it. Our 6-month anniversary was... Weird.
I went to her house, and diner with her and her mom was just plain awkward, close to no words said. We watched some t.v and started cuddling, but she looked bored, said that i was "weird" and "gross" very jokingly, and playfully. But it still made me upset. Then her mom left and we were alone.
Usually we would start passionately making out or something, but instead, she got up and moved from the couch to the chair and said, "sorry" later she saw how upset i looked, I could see her out of the corner of my eye, and she came over and gave me kisses and stuff to try to make me feel better but it felt off.
During the whole relationship i feel the constant need to impress her, and the only time I can really be myself and comfortable is after kissing her. Which i can't explain.
Texting her is a chore because how boring she is and i get the feeling I'm simply annoying her. With school starting soon, A big part of me just wants to end it, so i can be single this school year and not worry about all the drama if i do it while in school.
But i'm afraid to do so cause I Feel i can't do better, and that she really is a good girl. (Really nice, top athlete, 4.0 student, very pretty)
TL;DR: | I feel like i'm giving so much, and not getting anything in return. I feel like i'm just bugging her, especially after an altercation at out 6-month anniversary |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [M18] feel like there is something lacking in my current relationship with [F18]
POST: Almost a year ago I broke up with my first girlfriend. We started going out when we were both 16. Since then I have been on dates with two other girls and now I am in a relationship of three months with a girl who is the same age as me.
It's been going fine so far, but there is something missing and I just can't quite put my finger on it. It's driving me insane. My current girlfriend is nicer, more thoughtful and more physically attractive than my previous girlfriend and yet something isn't right. It's difficult to describe...but there is something that is still...a little awkward. You can see it in the way we text, the way we greet each other and the way we say goodbye. I find myself wondering if I am doing the right thing or if I should break up with her.
Part of me thinks it is because I am comparing things to my previous relationship, when everything was new and exciting and the girl I dated was totally different (far more forward and experienced, she basically taught me everything about sex). Everything was also perfectly timed, it was the summer holidays so we got to see each other so often, whereas with my new girlfriend it's only on weekends.
I find myself sitting and staring at my wall for hours on end attempting to figure out what isn't right between me and this new girl. The thing is, I feel like I can't really dump her for various reasons. Firstly, I am her first boyfriend and I don't want to mess things up for her so she has a bad memory of her first relationship. Secondly, I might regret it and it might just be that the relationship needs a bit more time.
Any advice, or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: | My current relationship feels like it's lacking compared to my previous relationship and I have no idea why. Is it because I am comparing it to my first relationship, when everything was new and exciting? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, what's the simplest thing that happened to you that just made your day?
POST: I don't sleep very well. Most night I only get a few hours of sleep. When I go to bed I can't sleep, and I wake up in the middle of the night, and can't go back to sleep. Well, a few days ago marked spring break for me, and I was hoping I'd be able to sleep better with no real commitment to anything the following days. So after a few nights of unrest, it happened. I went to bed around 11:00. (I was extremely tired) I then woke up at least 11 hours later. There was gentle light, birds chirping, no loud noises from family members, and so on. I was gently awoken by the morning, and woke up feeling awesome. I had an awesome day!
TL;DR: | I can't sleep very well. On spring break, I got a nice night of sleep, woke up in a calming way, and had a great day. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Should I add more stress for more money?
POST: So long story, I have been working with this company for almost 3 years as a part-time stocker. I recently got "promoted" to a full-time position that has more hours for the same pay, in a different department. Only two weeks after starting this new position my boss asked if I would be interested in taking over for a departing manager (who was my immediate manager in the stocking position.) While I understand my boss coming to me first (I was arguably the best stocker to move up to that position) I still said no, as I had just committed myself to the other department, and the manager position adds a lot of stress. My wife is fine with this, as my new full-time position, quite surprisingly, actually allows me to spend more time with her than the part-time position i previously held, as well as earning more hours, and thus more money.
All should be fine, but I have a nagging feeling like I owe it to both my boss, who has always been accommodating and just overall as good of a boss as I could hope for, and the department that I had worked so long for, to take this position. It means more stress, overtime hours (read: less time with wife), and only a very slight increase in pay. Despite all this, I can't shake the feeling like I should take the position. I'm not sure how long I am going to stay with this company, but they have been good to me. Do I owe it to anyone (ie. boss, department, company, or my wife), or should I be more selfish and not take on the added stress and have more time for family? Thanks for your help.
TL;DR: | Have a stress-free position, but have the option for a slightly higher pay and more stress position. How should I proceed? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19F] need help with my [19M] friend and our mutual feelings
POST: Hey Reddit, I finally made an account and stopped lurking because I'm in need of some serious advice from an outside perspective.
My roommate introduced me to her best friend about a month ago and we've been hanging out about 1-2 times per week, but they're always one on one hangouts and have been very comfortable and personal. Every time we've hung out we've stayed together for upwards of 8-9 hours just hanging out. Conversation flows super easily between us and we've been getting along splendidly.
Last time we hung out, he started making moves indicating that he was interested. I've liked this guy since probably the second time we've hung out, but when I started reciprocating he suddenly started to pull back. I thought he had gotten uncomfortable with the situation so I decided to just let it slide.
Later, I found out from my roommate that he did indeed like me, but didn't know if he could just do a hook up thing without wanting it to escalate it into a real relationship. I can understand since he just got out of a pretty long relationship with someone about two months ago, but I was wondering what I should do about the situation?
I really like this guy, and I've always had serious trouble with relationships since I was abused when I was younger. This is the first guy I've clicked so quickly with and I could honestly see a good relationship coming out of this friendship. I *know* he likes me too, but is scared of a relationship.
What should I do in this situation? Neither of us explicitly acknowledged to the other that we have feelings for each other, but it's pretty obvious at this point. He's been kind of avoiding me lately. Should I try and get him to hang out again and see what happens from there? I'm willing to wait for him to be ready but I don't want to back off so much that he stops liking me. I also worry that if I ask him to hang out he'll feel bothered or pressured by me.
TL;DR: | Friend and I have mutual (but unacknowledged) feelings for each other, but he isn't ready for a relationship and I don't know how to talk to him about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18M] am too easy and I don't like it. - REPOST
POST: I don't know what it is or why it happens, but if a girl shows me attention for like 2 days in a row then they can just basically have their way with me.
When a girl has been talking to me for a couple of days in a row, I feel like they fancy me and we might get in a relationship soon. This is a massive problem for me cause I'm now afraid that when I find someone I won't actually like them, I'll just like the attention they're giving me.
Also I hate when this happens because I over think stuff WAY too much (e.g. I start thinking 3 or 4 months ahead) and it just messes with my life.
Does anyone have the same kinda thing? Or maybe some advice or something. Thanks
TL;DR: | if a girl shows me a lot of attention then I think they fancy me and we could get together. This messes with my mind and I need help. |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Organization I volunteer with is hiring, question about how to approach
POST: Really appreciate all the advice is this sub and finally have a question of my own.
An organization I volunteered with earlier this year in the spring is hiring for a position which I am pretty certain that I am qualified for. As part of volunteer training and debriefing, we had a lot of interaction with both the volunteer coordinator and the director of the organization. The coordinator, who was my manager in a sense, is someone I would definitely use as a reference for any other job, for instance.
What is the etiquette or best way to go about contacting them about the posting? I want to let them know that I am seriously interested and re-establish our connection, but I don't want to seem too aggressive and "brown-nosey" or annoying. Is it better just to send my cover letter/resume in as suggested and mention in the e-mail that I previously volunteered and blah blah?
TL;DR: | an organization I used to volunteer with is hiring, wondering how to approach ppl I know within the organization about the posting to show interest but not be annoying. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: The Ultimate First-World Problem: should I buy her a pearl necklace now or for Christmas?
POST: REALLY tough call for me, in no small part because major gift giving is a big source of stress for me because a long-term ex was pretty thankless, occasionally disappointed by more costly gifts. but I digress; that's not the issue here, really. My girlfriend mentioned in passing about three months ago that she would love to own a pearl necklace. This week, she has a girls' night party that'll be a mock Kentucky Derby, complete with (simulated) horse racing (really cool idea for a party if you ask me). So she and a lot of her friends are getting dressed to the nines like a lot of the women at the real Derby do, complete with ridiculous, over-the-top sun hats. Now she's thinking she's gonna get some costume jewelry pearls for the occasion (college budget and all). I am able to buy her a "modest" but good quality pearl necklace for about $300 (good luster, consistent shape between the pearls, gold clasp) but had been planning to hold it off until Christmas until I heard about this party and her plans for it. I'm sleeping on it and will or won't get the pearls tomorrow but I'm at a standstill: this is a good gift and just now nothing else in particular is occurring to me for Christmas, a big holiday to her. I have time to figure out something, but still: I can't give her another necklace. What do you all think? If it matters, we're in our mid-twenties and live about two hours apart so our busy schedules only allow us so many times a month to see each other in person (typically twice a month for two or three days). Give me a nudge, folks: this wouldn't be much of an issue to me if I could more easily give larger gifts (I don't get the shakes or anything but I almost get a sense of dread/guilt which has nothing to do with the cost of the gift itself). That my fiscally conservative mother seriously questioned my judgement, so "extravagant" a gift, definitely didn't help.
TL;DR: | I have trouble buying more significant gifts for significant others and can't decide whether to get gf pearl necklace now or later. Pretty sure O already want to do it but need a nudge. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: My date is bringing friends on a first date? What do?
POST: I [30M] have a dinner date [28F] this Friday. It's not a formal restaurant, but a street patio setup that sells amazing tacos (seasonal). Afterwards we're going to check out a corn maze at night for fun at a local farmers field.
She revealed to me late in our conversation that she hopes that I don't mind that she asked a couple of her friends to come along. She wasn't clear if they were joining us for dinner, or just for the evening maze.
I haven't been in this situation before, I'm always very confident, and I do like this girl. We originally met on an online dating site, but had quick meet up at a fun Ultimate Frisbee match in the park. I asked her out and we've only been communicating via the online dating site.
I'm not sure if I should forget about making moves towards her and just be social since it's the first date and she might be leery of the online dating scene and is using them for safety. Or I should just escalate with her regardless if her friends are around.
Or should I invite my own friends and we can all go out?
Anyone have any advice on how they handled this situation?
Or should I be the one fearing for my safety? :) (j/k)
TL;DR: | Going on a date, she is bringing friends. This changes the dynamic of the date as we will always be in the supervision of her friends. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [26m] dating [25f] and she is way more touchy/into the relationship than I am.
POST: This summer I met a great girl while we were both studying for the Bar exam. She is nice and we had casual sex a couple of times, but with the Bar exam review and us both being out of town a lot, nothing else really happened. Although, it was clear that we both liked each other. Anyways, after the bar exam I went out of town for a week and while I was gone she called me "shady" for not calling her (we had a lot of sex on the night after the exam). I thought it was weird and texted her that I was out of town and that I'd like to take her out when I get back. Then on Saturday, I took her out. We had a great time and pretty great sex. However, I felt like in the morning I was trapped in her apartment and that it'd be hard to get out of there. She also wanted to cuddle a lot and that can really drive me crazy. I finally said "I'm going to the gym so I'll see you later." On my way out she said "call me as soon as your done." I had no intention of calling or texting her today. She texted me a lot today, wanting to know what I was doing, wanting to hang out, wanting me to come over and smush. I know that shouldn't sound like a problem, but I really like my space and feel that the whole thing is weird. Advice?
TL;DR: | Girl is really into me and clingy after really only one date, but I might just be crazy and want way too much personal space. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [21F] am afraid of making the first move on the guy [21M] I like because I'm afraid that my future roommates will be furious.
POST: I'm interested in my best friend W, who I've known for 3 years. We hang out almost daily, we've gotten each other through a lot, and we definitely both love each other as friends. I was recently abroad, and upon coming back we've been closer than ever; we've held hands, spooned, etc. He's drunkenly asked me if we were dating, but I had to say no because we were in the company of my two roommates.
My roommates have both treated W like an object for the past 3 years, and they both "want" him. W slept with Roomie#1 16 months ago, but he quickly ended it because he didn't want anything to come from it (he hasn't had a GF at all in college). Roomie#1 liked another guy at the time as well, and when Roomie#2 learned that she had slept with W, she proceeded to sleep with the 2nd guy that Roomie#1 liked. Both roommates pretend to be friends, but when the other one isn't around, they talk about how they much they hate each other. If one of them talks to W, the roommates won't talk to each other for days. Roomie#2 even punched W in the face last year and drew blood when he flirted with another girl; she thinks this was a cute/funny/amusing thing to do.
I want to make a move, because I honestly think things can work between W and I. We've been best friends for so long, and we both have loads of things in common. I'm just afraid of 1) causing even more stupid drama between my roommates, and 2) accidentally objectifying my best friend, which I think is a terrible thing to do.
TL;DR: | Crazy roommates think they own the rights to the guy I like, even though they had 3 years and nothing happened. I fear they'll go all Mean Girls on me if I try to pursue the relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: Is it possible to ever get everything one wants?
POST: So, this has been bothering me for a while. In fact, I think it has bothered me ever since I was in elementary school. There are some things that I have wanted, but it seems like it is impossible to have it all (at least in the field I am working in).
To be more specific, here are some things I've wanted: straight teeth; repair and sell my Mom's house; pay off my Dad's debt. The amount of things that I would need to do to complete these goals just seems so daunting to me, that it seems impossible. I am in the state of mind that there is no way.
Which leads me to a follow up question about making real change in one's life. How?
I'm a college educated person, currently working as a teacher, making a comfortable living. I'm not ungrateful for what I do have, but I wish I could do better. But, it feels like there is no way.
TL;DR: | I feel like I cannot tackle the heavy goals I have. How do other people make the BIG changes that turn their lives into the life they are happier with? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me 21 F with my boyfriend 22 M of 2 years,how can I tell if we're about to break up?
POST: My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 2 years. We are sorta complete opposites. I plan everything and I need financial security.
I lost my mom a few months before we started dating and I feel like I need to be extra responsible. My boyfriend is the opposite. He hitchhiked to New York before we started dating, his mom has never worked, his dad grows pot, and he doesn't understand the concept of bills.
Over the past few months we've grown increasingly distant. We have sex maybe once a month; for the past 8 months. We kiss maybe once a day; and I feel like he goes out of his way to spend time in other rooms ( we live together). He keeps talking about how much he wants to leave the small town we live in ( his family lives across the country), how he hates his job, and just feels miserable.
He bought a backpack and one of those charging boxes that will charge your electronics 5 times, he has gotten rid of a lot of his possessions (not that he had a lot). He doesn't hold on to anything that is sentimental. He also quit his job and sold his motorcycle. His last day at work is coming up and I feel like we need to talk about what's next. But he gets really angry and doesn't want to have a real conversation with me.
Is he just going to leave to travel; like I know he wants to? Is he gonna stay home all day just playing video games? What's next for us? Do I just need to let him go?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend of 2 years has been buying things to travel and won't talk to me. Should I dump him, or wait to see if he's really happy?**** |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I don't love my husband as much as he loves me. Help.
POST: This is a throwaway.
We are both 26, married for just over two years. Total length of relationship is just over three years.
I got married for the wrong reasons. I thought I really loved him, but the truth is that he just made me feel safe. My only serious relationship prior to meeting by current husband was abusive, and I think I was just so relieved to be in a somewhat normal relationship that I mistook that relief for love.
Over the past two years, I have overcome lots of personal challenges. I've worked through a lot of the baggage from the past abusive relationship. I've gotten more serious about my career, and I'm pursuing hobbies that interest me. In short, I have grown a lot as a person, and become much happier, since I got married.
Now for the problem. The more I get to know myself, the more I realize that I don't love my husband as much as he loves me. He wants to spend lots of time together, and I just don't... we have so few interests in common, and his sense of humor is so juvenile, that I get irritated if we spend more than a couple of evenings a week hanging out together. I can't get interested in sex. I feel the same way about him that I do about my close friends.
He is begging me to go to marriage counseling and try to become close again. Divorce would totally devastate him. I want to take care of myself, but I don't want to be totally heartless. I would like to fix this if I can.
First question: Is there any way to fix this? Do married people go through dry periods and then go back to being in love? Can I trick myself into feeling different?
Second question: How can I bring this up with a marriage counselor without sounding like a total bitch? I haven't told my husband in so many words "I don't love you"; I have just used euphemisms like "the spark is gone" and other equally inane things.
I would be incredibly grateful of any advice, resources, food for thought, or alternate perspectives you could throw my way.
TL;DR: | I was rebounding from an abusive relationship when I met my husband, and now that I'm over my past issues I'm not interested in my husband anymore. Can I fix this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Do I cancel the interview?
POST: A little backstory: I just moved to a new state and am looking for work (this was a last minute move). It's been slow going until a recruiter called me for a position. Just yesterday he called me after sending my resume off and told the company wants to set up an interview.
After the phone call, I realized I never looked up the company. I used Glassdoor, a website I'd used before, even for my last job.
Well, the reviews were terrible. For every good review, there were two to three that were bad, and they were all the same issues: no chance for growth, no reviews or pay raises, high attrition. I was even told I'd be lied to during the interview: they just want warm bodies.
While I expect most companies to have negative reviews, the amount of them and the consistency is turning me off. I don't think I want to work for this company.
My interview is Thursday. I don't have a lot of time. On the one hand, it's been two years since I've interviewed and practice is good. On the other, I don't want to waste anyone's time. My boyfriend thinks I should just tell the recruiter that my research shows this isn't a company I want to work for. I'm not sure that's even a good thing to do. Thoughts?
TL;DR: | Have an interview on Thursday for a company I researched, only to find they are a terrible company I don't want to work for. Not sure if I should go or cancel. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: my male friend of 47 and his gf/baby momma of 35ish dating off and on for 15 plus years
POST: so my best bud of 10 years now has been with his gf off and on for 15 plus years, they have 2 kids together but thats not important. this issue is that me and him can talk on the phone for like an hour at least sometimes more and she doesnt like it, she gets jealous, says he doesnt even talk to her for that long on the phone.
i have been in the same boat in the past, and we both agree that its childish to get "jealous" because two friends can talk on the phone for an extended period of time.
our main argument is this simple...he or i live with the gf/wife whatever we see you everyday, there is no need to talk on the phone for an hour when ill see you later on lol.
are we in the wrong?
im sorry if this is confusing, im tired and just got off work
TL;DR: | does it make sense for a woman to get jealous of male friends her sig other talks to on phone cause he doesnt talk to her for same amount of time when they LIVE together!? |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Discouraging spouse
POST: I just felt like I needed to say it someone or something even if it's only in text. I'm so upset. My husband who is naturally thin (can eat whatever with no exercise) and I just had a conversation about my counting calories in mfp.
I just started 5 days ago and I've had some big wake up calls. Like fuck even though I cook all of our meals, I eat way more calories than I ever thought. My weight gain started 1.5 years ago after I quit smoking. It was a good feeling, but then I started to really eat and enjoy food.
Anyway, I decided I'm going to do something about it. It's only been 5 days and I told him yesterday I'm tracking calories now. Today, we were talking and he says "well I always knew you'd get heavy" of course I start to cry. I tell him well I'm trying to lose weight, I'm only eating 1200 calories a day and not eating my "exercise calories" and he says "well that will only maintain your weight it won't help you lose it". I'm furious and upset and I counter with well that's not true based on MFP. And I'm also exercising (walking 30-60 minutes a day and ran today. He then tells me well I'm not exercising long enough to lose weight either.
I'm super upset. It just feels like he's not supporting me. Like nothing I do is good enough. I know I gained 30 pounds (and I'm short so its a lot), but I'm trying to work on it and eating 1200 cals a day is hard and walking 60 min or running/walking 30 min is really hard for me. To say that what I'm doing now isn't good enough really hurts my feelings. I cried for like 20 minutes straight. Actually I'm still crying.
We just resolved it by telling him I'm done talking about it because it wasn't going anywhere. He can be a jerk and "apologize for telling you the facts".
I know I'm right, right?
TL;DR: | Husband being unsupportive. Made me upset. Said eating 1200 calls a day will only maintain my weight and I don't exercise enough to lose any weight. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: Juvenile (17) going to meet with family court probation officer on tuesday before actual court case. Need help with a question about drug testing.
POST: I got arrested on october 6th for a DUI after i crashed my car into a tree. A grinder was found in my car with no marijuana actually in it, just leafy residue. They only charged me with the DUI and no possession charges for pot. I have been told by my lawyer that they may or may not drug test me at my COURT CASE. On tuesday the 16th of december I have a pre-case meeting (my actual case is supposed to be sometime in january) with a family court officer and my lawyer said it would most likely just be the officer talking to me and my parents about my grades, social life, and extra circulars to get a better idea of my "risk factor" and to build a case about me before I go to court. So I am here wondering if they were to drug test me would it be at this pre-court date meeting or at the actual court case?
TL;DR: | In a family court juvenile case will the child be drug tested at the pre-case assessment meeting with the childs parents and family court officer or will it most likely be at the actual court case itself? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Found my (24/F) husband (26/M) making out with his friend (25?/M) and I'm absolutely shattered.
POST: I feel like a train wreck right now and I really don't know how I'm going to deal with this.
My husband and I have had a very happy married life, I've never had any problems and sometimes, it still feels like the honeymoon phase. But today morning at around 9, his friend came over like usual. He's always coming over, frequently having dinner with us and hanging out. I never cared cause he's (was) a nice guy. They've been friends ever since middle school.
I went out to get groceries and when I came home after about an hour, I walk in on my husband ON TOP of his friend making out and groping each other.
I lost it at that point and I screamed. They froze and my husband was telling me to calm down and I dropped everything while insulting him in every way I could and drove 45 minutes to my sister's house. He's called me a gazillion times and I know he'll eventually figure out Im here. What do I do? I never thought he was gay or bi, never had the slightest suspicion. They never seemed close like that. All I can think about is how many times they've been alone together and it's eating me alive. Please help.
TL;DR: | I walked in on my husband making out with his *male* best friend. I'm staying at my sister's house now and I don't know what to do next. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by making a random traveler lose his luggage in Germany
POST: **Context** : took a bus from Stuttgart airport to my German hometown, stopped in another town to take a connecting bus.
Coming back from my holiday, I decided to take a bus from the airport. My suitcase was really heavy, thank God the driver was here to help all travelers put their luggage in the baggage hold after such a long flight.
Here comes the fuck up. The bus made a stop in a connecting town (Karlsruhe), where I would take another one in order to make it to my hometown. The bus driver opened the baggage hold and took a smoke break. So I had to take my luggage by myself. There was another black suitcase above mine, I took it and put it on the sidewalk so I could reach mine.
And the bus left. I only realized my fuck-up when my other bus arrived, as the driver asked if the black suitcase belonged to someone from his vehicle. Every traveler claimed it wasn't his, then someone said "It was already here when we arrived, someone must have forgotten it from the previous bus."
***Oh shit***. It was the one I forgot to put back in the hold after I took mine. The unlucky traveler had a further destination, of course he didn't exit the bus and see his luggage being taken out by mistake.
Even worse, this person was traveling to Frankfurt Airport (as my stop was the last before the terminus).
*If you're reading this, sorry for making you panic and likely miss your flight.
TL;DR: | Forgot to put back a suitcase in the luggage hold after taking mine, and made a random traveler have the panic attack of his life |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My husband (31/m) of one year gets in my face (26/f) when we argue. Advice?
POST: Dated for 4 years before getting married.
Using a throwaway because he uses reddit.
---
It's basically the title. We get into arguments like most couples do. He has never gotten physical with me. Once it gets heated, I'll start ignoring him by not responding. I do not like yelling or someone yelling at me. Nearly every time we have a larger argument, he will get in my face. He doesn't touch me but will get right up in my face, talking sternly. Not really yelling though.
Regardless, it makes me upset and I don't like that he does it. I tell him every single time and even remind him after we have cooled down to please not do that. I do not like it. He says sorry but then seriously just forgets or doesn't care the next time we argue. We really don't get into arguments too frequently. Maybe once every few months. Once a month at absolute most. I don't know exactly. I do admit that ignoring him seems to be pressing his buttons, but that's only because I don't want it escalating.
Is there anything I can do or say to make sure this doesn't keep happening? I really hate it and it doesn't seem to get through to him.
TL;DR: | Husband gets up in my face when we argue but is not violent. He's not seeming to listen that I don't like it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is it wrong if I [20M] an slightly bothered that my gf [19F] sleeps in the same bed with her bestfriend [20M] (who is a good mutual friend)?
POST: Sorry for the amount of reading first off.
Okay I've known my girlfriend for 5 years before we started dating, we're best friends, and she's also known B for a little less then she's known me.
So we started dating 3 months ago, and everything is going great, I have so much trust in her, and I also trust B as well, but I still can't help but let it slightly bother me that they sleep in the same bed.
So she's on her spring break right now, so she came to stay with me monday-thursday, then she had plans to hang out with B on friday, so she left thursday night to go sleep at his place, and friday (which they planned). but after they made their plans, I asked her to come over Saturday to hang out, see a movie, and spend the night.
She seemed frustrated with me, and she said "I want to keep it fair, so I stay at each other's houses the same number of days, which I guess in a way makes sense, but I'm her boyfriend shouldn't what I say mean something? Because she said " well B asked me to stay the night first". Actually I asked after they made their plans for Friday night only.
Plus a little something extra, when she's over at my place, her phone is always charged and her and B text, and she calls him at least 3 times during the day just to talk, even while we watch a movie or TV, but when she's there she says her phone is always dead, and when I do get a call through, she lets me go because they're watching a movie.
So my question is am I wrong for being bothered because it's for 2-3 days?
TL;DR: | GF sleeps in the same bed with her guy best friend. always goes out of the way for him when she's over, and when she's there I'm "swept aside". |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: [HELP] Parents and cats don't want a dog, but ever since my cat died, I'm really lonely here.
POST: My cat died last year, and because she was my closest friend in my house, I've been pretty lonely when I am not out of the house or with my boyfriend. I really want a new pet, and I would prefer a dog, because I want the companionship and positivity that a dog can bring into someone's life. Currently there are two cats still living in my house, but they like my parents and don't pay much attention to me. Our cats are probably about 13 years old and they are not open to new people or animals in the house, in fact they even pee around the house if someone they do not know takes too much of my mother's attention. My mom originally said the cats are the reason we cannot get a dog, but I talked to her about it more, and found out that she, herself does not want one, because she thinks a dog would be messy (although I think our cats are messier than a trained dog would be.) I am 18 years old, and not making enough money that I could move out of my parent's house, otherwise I would do that and get a dog. I have the time and capability to take care of a dog. I'm really frustrated, because I feel like I will have to wait until I am out of college before getting a dog, and that will take around 6 years. Does anyone have any ideas? Isn't there anything I can do so I can have a dog now? Does anyone know how I could get my mom's old cats to get along with a new puppy? I know it sounds silly, but I've waited a year for myself to stop missing having a pet, and it's just gotten worse!
TL;DR: | I need help figuring out how to convince my mom to allow me to get a dog even though our cats are old, grumpy, and territorial. |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: Is anyone else rocking a single ring (no wedding band)?
POST: My FH had my ring custom made and the band is an odd shape. It would be difficult to add a wedding band to, and I think adding anything to the original ring would detract from it. He was worried that I'd be upset at only having one ring but I'm actually thrilled--for whatever reason I really like the idea of my single (gorgeous) engagement ring.
I only recently realized how common the two ring tradition is. For a long time I didn't even know it was a thing, I thought your engagement ring just became your wedding ring once you were married. So even though I'm really happy with my single ring, I'm curious, do many people do that? Or does everyone pretty much go with the engagement/wedding band combo?
TL;DR: | Curious about other people's ring setups, does anyone rock a single ring or do most people have separate engagement/wedding bands? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: ONS text me [20M] saying she thinks she was spiked and has a bf. How do I reply?
POST: Had a one night stand with a girl, we were both drunk and came back to mine. We had sex and she left.
I got a text saying roughly "think i was spiked last night, what happened? please keep this to yourself. I love my bf :("
Well, I didn't spike her (I wouldn't be posting here if that was the case!) but I'm not sure how to reply, do I just tell her we had sex? I'm sure she's figured that out. And for the record she wasn't acting like a spiked person.
Was considering replying simply with "well you cheated on your bf and should tell him" but that probably won't achieve anything (although it could potentially avoid a few angry calls from him - and oh yeah I don't know either of them).
TL;DR: | had a ons, got a text off her saying "think i was spiked, please keep this to yourself, what happened, i love my bf :(" and i'm not sure how to/if I even should reply |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What is your best "WHEW that was close" moment?
POST: When i was 17 i believe, i use to climb out my bedroom window onto a mini roof of my house to smoke cigarettes to avoid my parents catching me. One day it was snowy outside, and this mini roof had maybe a 1 inch coat of snow. I went out in flip flops (GENIUS), and lit up my cig. I went to move my foot and slipped, proceeded to slide down the whole roof, and literally stopped in a seated position with my feet dangling off the roof. I look down and realized if i had kept going, i probably would have split my balls open on the fence 20 feet below or something. I would have been seriously injured no matter what. WHEW that was close! Needless to stay, i stopped smoking cigarettes on my mini roof.
TL;DR: | smoke cigs on 20 feet high mini roof, slip and slide down roof in snowy weather and somehow stop just before falling off the edge. stopped smoking cigs on the mini roof |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20 M] am seeing flaws in my gf [20 F] of 1+ year after becoming closer to a friend [20 F]
POST: Backstory: The friend, Jessica, [20 F] has been in my friend group for over a year, but I have only recently gotten the chance to talk to her one on one and share experiences. Been dating gf, Emily, [20 F] for a year and a half, starting some time after meeting Jessica.
Only recently have I had the chance to have deeper conversations with my friend Jessica, and we basically instantly connected on various things - guy/girl preference, things we would and wouldn't do, etc. She's very naturally attractive, and I have started to compare her to my gf, Emily, with looks and mostly everything. This, of course, has caused me accentuate Emily's flaws that Jessica does not have. To make it worse, she confessed that she would totally date me if I were single and, well, she's my type. She had been thinking about it recently too.
I have also recently experienced friends breaking up from around the same time Emily and I got together and have started putting things into the bigger picture - where I'm going in life, what I value, etc.
I am very aware of the different relationship mechanics - the grass is greener on the other side, the honeymoon phase, the chase is better than the catch, everyone has their flaws, yada yada. I'm just wondering how people can deal with these potentially poisonous things; I don't want to lose hold of a sobered mind when making these decisions.
Emily and I go to colleges that are close to each other, while Jessica goes to a college a bit farther away.
It has certainly helped to get this into writing, thank you for any advice.
TL;DR: | Have a gf, but might be falling for a friend. How do I make a decision while not being blinded by the allure, the chase, and the excitement? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My ex [25/M] and I [24/F] have been broken up for 8 months. We only dated for 3. He still calls me crying.
POST: Alright so me [24/F] has been broken up with my ex [25/M] who I dated for only *3 months* is a little confused as to what to do.
I broke up with him because it just wasn't working out. No hard feelings, he didn't do anything to me. I didn't do anything to him. Hes a very sweet nice guy. I just wasn't into it, I let him down as gently as could be. He also doesn't speak my first language, so our communication was a bit tedious.
But he still calls me crying! Literally. Hysterical. He must text me every month at least twice (and I do not respond at all to any of his messages) and tonight which has marked 8 months being broken up he called me hysterical crying. I think he may have been drinking but im not sure. Had I known the number (I haven't looked at his in so long so I didn't know it was him) I wouldn't have answered.
Now he says he wants to die, hes crying, hes crazy upset... I don't know what to say. I stay as long as I can on the phone to calm him, but he is just.. hysterical. I don't know what to do.
I have had a new boyfriend for 6 months. I have no interest in ex. I also don't want him to harm himself or be stuck on this for so long. I don't know what is going on with him.
Help.
TL;DR: | Ex of 8 months who i've dated for 3 is still hysterical and upset over the loss of our relationship. I dont want him to go crazy. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Should i (22m) stick around or not?
POST: I live with my "ex" of 2 years that has broken up with me about 3 months ago. I know she was actively on dating websites(okcupid for sure) so i was sure there was no point in even trying to be with her. I figured i would just try to move on and we can live together until our lease was over. However, we still sleep in the same bed, and she does not want me to sleep in the spare bedroom. She used to be gone from friday until monday every weekend, and now she is spending her weekends with me cooking and hanging out. I have not really met anyone i like online, and her being so sweet again has me wrapped around her finger, but i am afraid i might be doing something stupid by wanting her back? When we were together before the fallout we were impossible to seperate and had the best time together. I am hoping we may have just been together too much and needed to establish some alone time? Thanks in advance.
TL;DR: | My ex/roomate(22f) that was so sweet before our falling out, is acting like my gf again? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [30 M] with my Girlfriend[34 F] she is out with a former lover who I caught her messaging at christmas - need advice regarding how to help her daughter after breakup
POST: A few weeks ago I caught my girlfriend(18 Months) messaging a "former lover" as she calls him messages about wanting to be "seduced" by him this year. I was angry but she promised never to contact him again - ok fair dos and I let it go, she apologised, grovelled etc and said she didn't want to be without me and it would hurt her daughter to lose me from her life.
Today she was due to go out on the piss with her work colleagues so I took her in to town, gave her some cash and dropped her off then I went to help her brother sort stuff out in his failing restaurant(I work for free and am sorting accounts and a home delivery service). I got home and was watching netflix when a message popped up from him saying he was running late and would be there soon.
I have sent her a message saying: "I hope you're having a great night, call me when your done and i'll pick you up :) x" to keep things "normal". I tried to call her but it rang 8 times then cut off and now it just goes straight to answering machine.
Heres what will happen: If she rolls up in a taxi i'll ask why she didn't call, if she says battery is flat i'll check. If she calls for a lift I will pick her up.
I WILL break up with her, I will call her daughters father and tell him he needs to be there for his daughter more than usual(we are very good friends). I will call her sister-in law tomorrow and tell her that her daughter might need a lot of looking after and that i've told her father this too(I won't mention anything else)
I think i'm going about this the right way can you suggest anything else I can do - preferrably to make her daughters life a little bit easier(she likes me and told me it was good having me around)
TL;DR: | Girlfriend is cheating on me tonight, what can I do to make breakup easier on her daughter [7 years old] |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Fianceé [23F] is upset I'm not waiting for her to go to my [24M] family member's wedding
POST: Throwaway because some of my family members know my main account.
So I have been engaged to my wonderful fianceé for approximately 6 months, and we'll be getting married next year.
Recently my cousin who lives far awag away from where we lived got engaged as well! We were very excited and he will be getting married much sooner than us, in the summer of this year. My fianceé and I, and the rest of my family were invited to a small ceremony for the bride and groom along with the wedding, and also the rehearsal dinner the day before the wedding. I told my fianceé about the date and about the rehearsal dinner, and her initial reaction was very down. I asked what the issue was and she said that work would be problem for her, as the rehearsal dinner is on her last day of work (she works at a school). I asked when she was done on that Friday, and she told me she would be done at 630pm. She then said that after she was done at work, we could make the 9+ hour drive to the hotel the rest of my family is at.
I responded that I was upset I would be the only family member missing the rehearsal dinner, and we wouldn't be arriving in town for the wedding until 3-4am the day of the wedding if we drove. I asked if there was any way that she could take the day off and she said no, and that we needed to come to a compromise on what we wanted to do for this wedding. I'm stumped, because I know my cousin will be upset if I can't make the rehearsal dinner and get a chance to talk with them (as their wedding day will be chaotic) so I'm unsure of what to do at this point.
TL;DR: | My fianceé can't take the day off of work for a rehearsal dinner, wants to go to the wedding but I'll miss the rehearsal dinner |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Sharing some data to prove it's okay if you fall off the wagon. (I did, twice!)
POST: F 27 4'11'' SW: 191.6 CW: 156.8 GW: 100
Two years ago, I hit a number on the scale that was terrifying to me, so I downloaded myfitnesspal and tracked what I ate. I lasted about a month and gained 20+ pounds after I stopped, hitting an even higher and scarier number!
A few months later, I tried working out. I don't think I even made it a month. The weight and a little more came back.
The third and final time, something in me snapped. (I was so close to hitting 200 pounds. Nopenopenope) I took baby steps. I stopped drinking sodas, I started drinking a lot of water, I fixed some not weight related issues that were bringing me down (hair and skin), for a while I just tried to make healthier eating choices without tracking. In Feb I did WeightWatchers for 12 weeks (FANTASTIC place to start!) Now, I'm tracking calories with myfitnesspal. I eat around 1200 a day. In the past few weeks, I've started exercising. I've found that I actually enjoy running, so I'm doing the C210K program. I joined a gym with an indoor track because running with humidity was not fun. Plus it has wifi, so I can stream music!
Anyways, the
TL;DR: | If you fall off the wagon, you can always get back on. Making small changes one at a time helped me finally stay on. |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: [16/M]How do I talk to an awkward and shy girl who is into me?
POST: Hello all! I am a 16 year old in high school that needs your help. Not sure if this post should be under /r/relationship because I have only talked to this girl for 2 weeks.
I need some tips on how to talk to this shy/awkward girl. We have been texting each other for about 2 weeks now, and we rarely get to talk in person because we have no classes together, or see each other in the hallway. I know she is into me because her friends tell me she is.
I tried to talk to her last Friday at a football game, but mid conversation she walked away without saying a thing. She later on texted me saying she was sorry for being so awkward and hasn't talked or texted me since, but she usually text me first everyday.
She is having a Halloween party next Saturday, and I don't want to be put in an awkward situation like that again, so please give me tips on how to talk to her.
TL;DR: | Give me tips on how to talk to a shy/awkward girl, so the Halloween party i'm attending won't be a mess. |
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