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SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Electricians of Reddit... Please read!
POST: Hey! So here's my dilemma... I'm 20, I have been looking into becoming an electrician for a while, but was in no rush. Until my parents decided to inform me that they're moving across the country. I am SO lost, I don't know what to do on such short notice. I need advice! Some help! Anything. :(
Details:
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My parents decided they want to move to Alberta, from Ontario. I am not leaving my friends, my girlfriend and my life behind to tag along. Up until they told me of the move, I was in no rush. I lost my job a few months back due to health issues; and now I was gradually researching apprenticeships/certification, and reading books. Now it has become a race against time, I have 2 months until they leave. I live near Toronto, if that makes any difference at all.
TL;DR: | Extremely desperate! I need some advice on becoming an electrician, or more specifically on how to find an apprenticeship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My grandma (70's/F) is doing everything to kill herself short of actually killing herself.
POST: This all started a few years ago when my grandpa died. My grandma was obviously distraught, and went from smoking 1 pack a day to 3-4 packs a day, and she also went from eating normally to eating an extremely small meal (a portion most people would call a "snack") once, sometimes twice, a day. Since then she has also stopped taking all of her medication and going to her doctors offices. She has high blood pressure, diabetes, and had a left anterior descending heart blockage that caused a heart attack commonly known as the "widowmaker" and has a defibrillator installed as well.
This has kept up for over three years now. She's started having blackouts while driving. She said she had chest pains that exactly mimicked the pains she felt when she had her heart attack, only much less severe, and refused to take nitro or aspirin. She complains of constant fatigue and joint/muscle pain in her shoulders and chest. She also recently quit her job (she worked part time, mostly for a social life) and gave all my grandpa's stuff to my mom and aunt and us grand kids. She admits she only gets about 3 hours of sleep per night even though she's always tired. She constantly does physically demanding things even though she knows she's not supposed to. She's "loaned" at least $80,000 to anyone who's asked her for some money after they found out my grandfather left her $100,000 when he died. She's begun having "accidents" because she won't (she can still get up and down and move around extremely well) get up to use the restroom. She has started to push away both of her kids and us grand kids by being a constant asshole to everyone that is related to her. We've tried to talk to her about it, but she always blows us off, starts yelling, then says she never wants to see us again.
We want her to live a full and happy life, but she doesn't seem to be open to the idea of it, and is doing pretty much everything she can to die except brushing her teeth with a pistol, and I don't know what to really do.
TL;DR: | Grandma has almost stopped eating, almost stopped sleeping, stopped going to the doctor, and has given almost everything she has away. She's also trying to distance herself from the family. What do reddit? |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: Lake County Illinois Drug DUI
POST: Friend got pulled over for having registration light out. They smelled weed, searched his car and found .5 grams of marijuana. They asked when the last time he smoked was and he said about 3 hours ago. He failed a sobriety test because he cant balance on his ankles due to breaking them so many times. He got 4 tickets: Drug DUI, Possession of under 2.5 grams, Paraphernalia, and driving with a broken registration light. His court date is in 2 weeks.
I told him to get help from his parents while others have told him its not a big deal and he doesn't need a lawyer. How important/expensive will a lawyer be? Any Advice?
TL;DR: | Drug DUI, possession of under 2.5 grams of marijuana, paraphernalia, and broken registration light ticket. How important/expensive will a lawyer be? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My girlfriend (19F) and I (21M) having issues over porn, drugs, and control been together 3 and a half years.
POST: A month or two ago I came clean to my girlfriend that I didn't want to quit watching porn after a month of going without. She is not okay with it she gave me an ultimatum and I chose the porn, mainly because from my point of view I feel she tries to control me! She did not break up with me but she continues to insert back handed comments into everyday conversations. Things like "I bet you would choose weed over me too." Or " you'll do what you want anyway so whatever" I had a conversation with her about this and I think she STILL thinks I'm going to quit for her.
She also won't let me partake in psychedelic drugs anymore because of one scary incident where we both took too much. Okay I kinda understand that one.. but I don't want to live my short life with all these rules and regulations of what I can do if it's what makes me happy. I'm 21 and I feel like I have the responsibility of a parent for some things when I'm not a parent I'm a college kid. I've never cheated on my girlfriend. Never wanted to. But I don't see why porn can be a deal-breaker it's so stupid. I use it to get off it's like a sex toy... and the worst part is I look like the bad guy in all of this. She holds that over me for sure.
TL;DR: | girlfriend not okay with my porn use. I feel she is trying to control me and I want some freedom in my life. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How do I tell the girl I am seeing that she has a slight body odor problem?
POST: Last winter my roommate, let's call her Jess, and I started sleeping together. It was very casual. She had just broken up with her long time boyfriend and needed a warm bed every now and then. Which i provided. She made it very clear that she wanted to keep things casual and wasn't looking for any comitment even though we did both have feelings for each other, seeing as she had just ended her long relationship.
At the begining of the summer it was time for us to move out. I stayed in the same city and she took a seasonal job out of state, with plans to return at the end of the summer. We kept in touch over the summer and she returned a few weeks ago and we have resumed seeing each other, although now living seperately. Its still unclear what our relationship status is at the moment, but thats something that will work itself out in time.
My question is though, while it was never a problem while we were living together, she seems to be slightly less hygenic now, slight underarm odor as well as between her legs. I'm wondering how i can tell her about it without putting a strain on our burgeoning relationship? Since i do still have strong feelings for her. I could honestly look past it if it came down to it. I would be much more comfortable in our relationship though if i could figure out a way of telling her.
TL;DR: | girl i was seeing leaves for the summer and returns with a hygene problem (underarm odor and a somewhat off putting vaginal smell)...how do i tell her without putting a strain on the relationship? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm (21/f) afraid to get close to anyone.
POST: So this is my first time posting and I'm not even sure this is the right subreddit so if anyone would be oh so kind to tell me where it would be best to post I would appreciate it. (:
Anyways I'm 21 years old and I've never been in a serious relationship. Now I have had flings here and there but nothing serious because as soon as I feel it getting serious I start to panic and feel smothered and end up breaking up with them and mostly I'm already having my eye on someone else. I remember a couple years ago I heard somewhere that cheating was genetic and I don't know if it's true but I seriously think it is. My father cheated on my mother multiple times and even though I say it didn't affect me because I was too young to understand I am starting to think it did. I can't do relationships because as soon as we put a label on our thing I start to flirt with other guys and basically I act more single than when I am single. I would much rather be by myself and I hate having to answer to someone. I couldn't care less about what my partner does.
And another thing, I can't do PDA. When I see other couples doing it I just think how fake it is. I know they aren't going to be like that forever. I know that while the girl was hugging him he was checking out the chick that passed by.
And like I said I've had flings here and there but I've mostly been the other woman. When I see a guy that's in a relationship it's like I'm suddenly attracted to them and I won't stop till I make them stray. It's never gotten serious like leaving the wife for me but it's just mostly flirting and making sure they go home thinking about me.
I can honestly say I don't want to be in a relationship anytime soon and everyone tells me 'when you meet the right guy' but I'm starting to think that I'll just end up fucking it up with every guy. I'm not sure if I have 'daddy issues' but I do want to know how to overcome my fear of commitment.
TL;DR: | May or may not have daddy issues and want to know how to get over fear of commitment and stop being attracted to older married men |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [32F] can only bond with people over sadness
POST: I tend to attract broken birds. Sometimes my friends joke that you must have [x] mental illnesses to hang out with me. I myself suffer from depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder. The latter manifests itself in that I'm ruled by my emotions. I'm functional- I have a good job, plenty of savings and an active social life.
For most of my 20s I was in a relationship with a man who also suffered depression. He knew what my depressive episodes felt like and would guide me through them. He wasn't weirded out by them. We soothed eachother' emotional wounds. However, he was not at all functional and a couple of years ago, that relationship ended.
I haven't been interested in dating again until anoint 6 months ago when I created an OKCupid profile. I've met with a number of men. All of them have been interested in them, but I can't make myself interested in them. That sounds arrogant, I know. It's not intentional. I'm naturally disinterested in people by default. I'm not even sure how I have friends. I guess extreme apathy is part of depression.
Recently I met a guy who is really nice who I share a lot in common with. Like, A LOT. It's weird how many obscure interests we share. However, I feel nothing for him. I'm angry at myself because I really want to feel something for him. He's attractive and we get on well. But I just can't feel a romantic spark and I'm worried it's because I can only bond with people when we both have a sort of sadness we can share in. I feel close to people when we're talking about negative feelings. I'm embarrassed to share those feelings normally. Only people I really love and trust get to share in that.
This guy seems perfectly happy, which I envy. I've tried hinting to him that I've been feeling down, and he responded with cat pics like a champ. But I just can't seem to connect with him. I'm trying really hard, but I don't want to string him on. I know that given all this I'm kind of the opposite of a good romantic match, hence being 32 and single I guess.
Suggestions?
TL;DR: | I have a lot of bad feels and can only manage to form a connection with people who have/understand these feels and it's fucking up my attempts at dating. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What makes a person interesting?
POST: Is this quantifiable? There is no universal scale as far as I know. Wouldn't this be entirely subjective? For instance, I find a person interesting based on the way that they interact with the rest of the world - not on their repertoire of hobbies. Just because someone is the best ship in a bottle builder the world has ever seen (no offense if you are), should not automatically make said person "interesting".
I am asking because last night, somewhat jokingly, my SO (of 8 months) told me I was uninteresting and that I should be more interesting. I have asked him what he would find "interesting", but that defeats the purpose (if he already knows about a hobby of mine, it wont be surprising or stimulate conversation).
for reference: I already exercise a good deal (running, swimming, biking, lifting weights), have a job, read books, know french, go to college...I have mild interests in many things, but none are up to the level of "hobby".
TL;DR: | What do you think about hobbies and how important they are in contributing to the value of a relationship (romantic or not)? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [24M] ex-girlfriend [20F] will not block me.
POST: I [M24] broke up with my ex-girlfriend [F20] 5 months ago. I have an autoimmune disease and had a new job at the time. I became rundown and was not giving her enough attention. She told me she was upset, and we had a confusing conversation in which she stated she was not happy and became very quiet and unresponsive to questions. (In retrospect I think coming from an abusive home caused her to her disconnect from the confrontation.) I assumed she wanted to break up with me based on my similar past experiences. So to cut to the chase, I broke up with her. I didn't want to, but I felt it would make her happy and save me some shame.
After a few days of rest, I realized how important she was to me and how much I missed her. I began texting her and dropped gifts off at her house. We talked a few times on the phone, and she made it clear she wanted only to be friends because she was so hurt I broke up with her. I blocked her out of my mind and literally on Facebook for a month. But I could not stop thinking about her.
I eventually gave in and unblocked her. We had the "I can only be friends." conversation again and I told her I can't do that. My mind does not work that way. I told her to block me because I will always persue more than a friendship.
TL;DR: | I broke up with ex but want her back. She doesn't want me, but ignore my request she block me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: A friend [18f] and myself [18m] thought about dating about 2 weeks ago, and it kinda spiraled badly.
POST: OK, my friend [18f] and I [18m] have been friends for about 2 years, and were "dating" (never official) for about 9 months before she headed off the college. One day before class started, she messaged me on Facebook saying I need to come visit her. She admitted to liking me over a year ago, and I've liked her for some time as well. The end of that week, I go to visit her, and she rejects me, saying that she really didn't feel different about this meeting than usual. We decided to remain friends and that was that.
Wednesday afterwards, something doesn't seem right, and I ask a few questions and find out she had met someone else they day before I visited her. I was pretty shocked. I decided to not talk to her for a couple days while my parents console my broken self. I'm usually a fairly upbeat person, so this is rare for me to be depressed. A couple days later, we decide to be friends again, and I generally feel better and thought I had finally gotten over here. Last night, she updated that she was in a relationship with the fellow she just met. I feel like vomiting. I go to bed and can hardly sleep. I wake up several times and just feel crappy. I haven't talked to her since Saturday. How do I handle this sudden heartbreak?
TL;DR: | girl says we need to date, I go to ask her out a few days later and she rejects me. Turns out she had met someone the day before and is now dating him. wat do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Guys - How do you want a girl to tell you it's her "time of the month?"
POST: I realize this isn't a huge issue for couples, but I always have this dilemma with a more casual setting. Situation would hypothetically be; got introduced a short while ago and have only hung out once or twice with heavy flirting, think it's going in that direction.
Do I act disinterested and risk deterring you forever? (I hang out with the geeky guys who don't like to make a move.)
Do I make a joke of it? Do I just be straightforward? How far in advance do I warn you, to avoid blue balls?
If I joke, which jokes are easy to get, but not so gory that you totally gross out?
I don't want to gross y'all out, but my biological rhythms are kind of a fact.
TL;DR: | It's Shark Week so I can't "marinate the nether rod in the squish mitten." Unless you're into that. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Dear veterans of reddit, should I call my brother today?
POST: I've always been torn about this. My older brother joined the reserves for college money and became an inactive reservist after a dispute with the military. Shortly after the war started, he was called back into service.
He never once bitched or complained. He went back to boot camp, did his training again, and went over to Iraq without ever so much as groaning, and I can't be prouder. He never talks about Iraq though since he's been back. Sure, he's mentioned some small things here and there but I've never heard him talk about it for more than five seconds.
So I'm wondering vets, would you like to receive a call from your little brother on Veteran's Day reminding you of the war? I don't want to bring up bad memories for him since he's moved on since the war and started a whole new life, but like I said, I'm proud as hell of him and I'd like for him to know that.
TL;DR: | My brother is a vet of Iraq and has moved on, should I call him to tell him know how proud I am or just let him move on? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'[m] 18 and my 17 year old [f]wb said we should try being in a relationship today. Help.
POST: So I've known this girl for almost two years, and last year we hooked up at a party.
I started getting to know her better, and began to like her.
Then, like two weeks ago we hooked up again. We got with each other quite a few times over two weekends, and today we had a bit of a talk with each other.
We both 'like' each other, but as she says - we have nothing in common.
This is true, we have completely different tastes in music, fashion, movies, everything.
She has said she does not want to date me, then break up and lose me as a friend
THEN she said that she wants to try 'going out.' And if it doesn't work, we break up big deal. If it does work, then we will keep dating.
Is this going to work at all?
TL;DR: | FWB says we have nothing in common, says she doesnt want to date and break up. Then says we should try being in a relationship. Will it work? What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Please help! My new boss is engaged to the man who took my virginity when I was 16. It gets worse...
POST: **When I was sixteen** I fell in love with a 22 year old man in a neighboring city. He said I was his girlfriend, and I ran away from home a few times to see him. I was a wreck when I was 16, and I let him take my virginity. I thought things were okay, when suddenly he stopped answering my texts, and after three weeks of silence he told me he was going into rehab because of his cocaine addiction. I had no idea about the cocaine, but I understood that he couldn't be my boyfriend anymore.
A few months later I was told by a shared acquaintance that this man had another girlfriend, whom he had been with long before - and long after - our relationship. I could't wrap my head around this, I got really angry and sent him a bunch of long, sad emails. When he didn't answer, I spent the next year trying to forget. I eventually succeeded.
He contacted me a few years later and apologized for his behavior, but I didn't want to talk to him and I haven't heard from him since.
- - -
**I'm 25 now**, and I was recently hired for a short engagement in a local design firm. I looked up my boss on Facebook - she's a lovely, kind woman - and it turns out she's engaged to this man. I don't quite know what to do. Since they have similar careers and live together, chances are I'll meet him at work. While I know I'll be okay with seeing him, I don't quite know how to deal with *her*. Do I tell her about his past? Do I suggest she talks about me with him, hinting at the possibility of past occurrences? Do I just leave it alone and act surprised when I see my ex? What then? Should I just laugh off the fact that he lied about being a drug addict and cheated on his girlfriend with a sixteen year old runaway?
For all I know, they might already have discussed this. But still, how do I deal with this?
TL;DR: | Cocaine-addicted ex who took my virginity at 16 is engaged to my new boss, I don't know how to deal with situations that might come up. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: How to deal with girls that don't put out as often as I'd like.
POST: I'm 26 (m) and fairly actively both physically and sexually. My sex drive literally drives me bonkers and makes it difficult to find woman who can actually keep up.
What usually happens is I'll meet a girl I like and we'll have sex within the first week of meeting. Then after they'll usually make me wait 2-4 weeks before we have sex again.
During these waiting periods I start seeking out other girls, ones who I really don't have much intrest in other than sex. This behavior has never really bothered me much before, at least not until recently.
I've been getting this feeling that this behavior is going to catch up with me and possibly ruin my chances at a relationship with the girls I actually do like. Although I've not had any acidental leaks of other girls I've slept with.
The only leaks I've had were intentional ones, mostly in cases were the girl is trying to punish me. The usual punishment is witholding sex, to which I make clear that it's not working. In most of these cases I endup dumping the girl.
But back to my main point about worrying that it'll catch up to me. It started to become a concern after meeting a new girl recently. She's 21 and her last relationship ended with her boyfriend leaving her for another girl. It's not clear to me but he might of cheated on her.
As it stands we aren't in any relationship, but worried if she does find out about the girls I'm using to fill the gap between when we have sex. It's concerning because she comes off as a bit anxious and was for awhile sending me a large amount of daily text messages.
These calmed down after I told her I liked her and that I knew she liked me. But, in general I feel like I have to ignore her just get her to put out. I'm just trying to figure out how to address the situation.
TL;DR: | I've been seeing a girl that doesn't put out as much as I'd like and have been sleeping with other girls to fill the gap. Worried she might react badly, even though we aren't in any kind of relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: I [16M] hooked up with a girl [16F] and even though our feelings are mutual, she "doesnt date". Please help me.
POST: A few weeks ago I was at a party and really hit it off with a mutual friend, who i'll call Sam. Sam and I ended up hooking up that night and both had a great time.
We have a class together and have started talking a whole lot. She asked for my number and texted me first. We've been talking a lot and she's defintly showing signs of interest and acting flirty and whatnot. At this point I thought a relationship would soon start
Today, she told me she "really likes me" but that she doesn't date. She also said that she would really like to hang out soon.
I didn't push for details why she doesnt date, but told her I also really liked her and that (cliche incoming) that she's different from other girls. And that's not a lie, she is far from a typical. After that we went on a walk and talked for like 30 mins. We just talked about random things (college, books, music etc) and both seemed to have a good time. She kept running her hand through my hair also, witch I thought was strange. At the end of the day I wished her luck on her race this weekend and told her to text or call me sometime.
I'm so confused. We've hooked up before, and she's been nothing but flirty and intersted in me sense then, but suddenly she doesn't date. I am really getting mixed signals here! Please help me, /r/dating_advice .
TL;DR: | Hooked up with girl, been flirty sense then, asked for my number and wants to hang out, but doesn't date. Where do I go from here? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me (22 F) was the "other woman" with a 28 M for 5 months, he's married, I know his wife. I broke things off but am guilt wrecked. Help.
POST: To pre face this, I had known that he had been unfaithful to his wife before and it is something of a running joke in our circle that he flirts with anything that walks.
Things started in August. It progressed from me being active about her knowing that all we were doing was hanging out and drinking. She said it was cool, and that he needed other friends. But one night, under the influence of a bottle of vodka, we kissed. Ill spare the details but things obviously progressed from there to us having sex. At the end of September I moved 2 hours away for school and he would drive up once a week to see me.
The wife had no knowledge of us hanging out, outside of the summer.
I have been trying to think of why the fuck I would have ever let this happened. I started to realize, that I was incredibly lonely. I had made any excuse for this behavior because I felt so unloved by the last 3 guys I had tried to make things work with. Maybe I even thought that since he had done this before it was okay. But it wasn't. The only time I didn't feel awful about it was when we saw each other.
I don't have any feelings towards him now, and when I told him we were done it was like a huge weight off my chest.
The obvious issue now is that I will still see him and his wife, and I do really care about her. No one has any idea about the affair, and I can't tell anyone about it. I have to keep it from my best friends and his wife and I hate every second of it. I can't figure out what my next move is. I know I made a horrible mistake, and I wish I could take it back but I can't. Can someone please help me figure out how to forgive myself, or how to move on from this? I am so afraid that I won't ever find love now because of this..that I am damaged goods because I accepted this relationship and didn't say no.
TL;DR: | Had an affair with a married guy in my friends group. Broke things off, and now I'm trying to deal with the guilt. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (19M) SO's (17F) father is forcing me to speak to him after he found out we are having sex
POST: My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly a year and a half. Her mother recently was told by an unknown person that we have been having sex. Her mother was not very upset, and helped her go through the process of getting birth control. Her mother did not want to tell her father, because there was essentially no reason for him to know and it was unlikely he would react well. Her father found out from her young siblings that she had gotten a prescription, connected the dots, and asked her mother directly. Her mother told him the truth, insisting that she couldn't lie to him (despite the fact that she already was). I came over the next day, not knowing that he had been told, and he essentially forced my girlfriend to make me leave the house. Later that day my girlfriend informed me that I wasn't allowed to see her anymore until I sat down and had a "man to man" talk with her dad. I refused and have continued to refuse because I think it is unfair of him to connect a punishment to the conversation and then try to act like it is on even ground. I also do not want to concede to her parents in any way and show them that I can be forced to do what they want if they simply hurt our relationship.
I have no respect for her father. He refuses to work to support his family, lives off the good grace of his wealthy parents, and always chooses himself over my girlfriend (for instance he made her come back from her vacation 3 days early so she could babysit). I work, go to school full time, and support myself completely. While I understand a father wanting to have a candid conversation in this circumstance I fear that it is simply a power play. I won't feign respect for the man. My girlfriend has turned on me at this point (2 weeks after the punishment began) and I no longer know what to do. Any advice would be really aprreciated.
TL;DR: | Girlfriends father found out were having sex. Doesn't allow me to see her until I talk to him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [16M] crush [17F] told me she'd rather to be friends but is ignoring me
POST: She was my crush pretty much since like December of last year. Beginning of summer this year I finally got the courage to go talk to her and we went on 2 dates this summer. The dates actually went super well. Well as awkward as I was, she talked a lot and saved us from those silent moments. She probably noticed I was nervous.
Almost a month ago a week before school (also a month after our second date, without any communication), she tells me she doesn't have a problem with us seeing each other but it would be in a friendly way, and it totally broke my heart.
A week later I see her at school, and she sees me but it seems that she is ignoring me. She literally just looks away or looks at her friend and it makes me even more sad day after day.
I'd really like to get over this, but I also still want to try to date her but deep inside I know I probably don't have any other chance because I messed up.
TL;DR: | Went on 2 dates with my crush, a month later she says she'd rather us to be friends, I can't get over it and I'm extremely sad. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My husband [36] walked out on me [33] on Monday after 13 years and I don't know what to do.
POST: We've been together for 13 years and married for almost eight. We have a son [10] and a daughter [6], and we were planning another. My husband has this week off and on Monday morning he came up to the bedroom and told me he doesn't want another baby. I was taken aback and didn't react too well. I didn't say much, just got up, dressed and went to the gym. When I came back I was still pretty upset and not ready to talk, but he was standing waiting for me. He ended up walking out and didn't come back for a couple of hours. When he came back we did finally talk and he told me he was really unhappy and had been for a while.
I didn't see this coming at all. He said a lot of things and we hugged and kissed and I packed his bag and he's been up at his mother's ever since. I'm not coping very well, I haven't eaten since Sunday (it's now 1.30am Wednesday) and I barely slept last night and can't sleep now. I've had time to think about the things he said and talked to a friend and I've realised I haven't been myself for a long time-I swing between extreme highs and lows, I lose my temper at the slightest provocation, I have trouble sleeping and concentrating, and I get this horrible feeling of being trapped.
There's more than that, but I know it's me that's driven him away, but I didn't even know there was anything wrong till now, and I can't believe I never noticed how bizarre my behaviour is. I've made an appointment to see my doctor first thing Thursday, and my husband is coming over to talk tomorrow afternoon. My question is, how do I save my marriage, and has anyone else been in a situation like this? (And sorry if this is too long)
TL;DR: | I've been acting crazy for a long time without knowing, driving my husband away. How do I save our marriage? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Could I [f22] be overthinking the way that the guy [m27] I'm potentially dating communicates?
POST: I've been talking to this guy I really like. He lives a ways away and he works a lot so we don't get to see eachother a lot, but when I do see him things are great. However, when we talk through text it is so hard to tell how he feels about me.
Recently, we went on an ultra casual date. We just talked for a bit, he bought me lunch and then he went on his way. I really enjoyed it tho!! We had a big long hug and he told me to text him more. The thing is, he only replies to my texts 50% of the time, even when I send pictures. It made me feel like maybe he doesnt like me or I'm too pushy but I only text 1 or 2 times a week. The rational part of me is saying that he must just be busy (he runs a business) but I still feel insecure about it all. He had to cancel the next few times we were supposed to meet which didn't help. He did suggest that we get lunch again though, but we have yet to schedule it. I sent him a cute hello text the other day and he didn't text back either!
So I'm really confused. When I see him there is hella chemistry and it definitely seems he's into me, yet when we text I feel almost like he may be annoyed even though I barely text him! He only replies to questions and doesn't talk casually (even tho he did at first) I could just be projecting insecurities, and he could just be a bad texter but does anyone have any advice? He did say he wants to meet this week but I'm afraid to text to confirm since he's so terrible about texting back! Even though he straight TOLD ME I could text him more!!
TL;DR: | I'm acting like a scatterbrained dummy and I am having trouble interpreting the communication of this guy I like! Help?! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 M] had brief relationship dating with [20 F] we split, but she showed up unexpectedly at my work and made out with my after 10 days no contact
POST: Dated a girl for about 2 weeks, it went right from first date (make out after walking her home) to hanging out with mutual friends and sleeping together regularly. Then after two weeks we had an argument and she told me she didn't want to see me any more and I was fine with that.
We talked about a week after that over coffee and decided we could still be friends but she told me she didn't want a relationship because she didn't want to hurt me if she decided to see other guys and I said we didn't have to be exclusive and I wouldn't be jealous if she dated other people (I wouldn't).
I asked her to hang out a couple of times and we did once or twice but she also flaked a couple of times. Then after about 10 days of not seeing each other or talking she shows up at my work and tells me to take a break because she wants to talk. We go to a back room and she says she doesn't want to talk and grabs me and we make out for about 5 minutes and I tell her to come back when my shift is over.
So I walk her home, making out most of the way, and I think she's going to take me home, but she tells me she's seeing this guy and it's not fair to him (I think theyve gone on 2/3 dates, no sex)
So I drop her off and she texts me 5 minutes later telling me she's confused about how she feels now.
Seeing her tomorrow, how do I approach the situation? I have no problem if she sees other guys, I am fine being in a casual relationship with her as I know I'll win in the long run, but I just need to know how to get her back to dating / hanging out as friends?
Thanks in advance!
TL;DR: | Dated girl briefly but intensely, break up, she starts dating casually, comes to my work and makes out with me and tells me she's confused about how she feels about me |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I can only work under a pressure
POST: I've spent days or even months on figuring out why I can't motivate myself to do anything and I understood what's the cause. I realized that I work extremly efficient when I'm under a pressure of a deadline. If I know something is (not) going to happen because I finish something I will sit till 5 AM and finish it no matter what; and it's somehow good right? Being good at working under high stress. But it has it's downside, I can't motivate myself to do anything if it's not immediate, simpliest things as finishing a game or learning something new. I just can't do it, I get distracted in few minutes and *poof* I'm doing something completly different. So here's my question: how do I convince myself that my "ficional" deadlines are real and I have to keep them. Because I can tell myself "you have one week to learn this", but without feeling that's a real issue I'm not gonna do it.
TL;DR: | I can work highly efficient under high pressure, but I can't finish anything if it's not immediate. How do I cope with that? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19F] just quit a job (that was the second job I was holding) today that I had only been working a week at and that paid decently (over $12 an hour) because I was unhappy there, and my SO [25M] is upset with me.
POST: I have been working a job for a few months now that I absolutey adore (and pays a little bit more than minimum wage/has awesome consistent tips) and I just recently started a second job that I was feeling unhappy about after the second day there. I thought I could hold out for a few months there just to make enough money to add a decent chunk to my savings (and help with moving w/ my SO) but I just couldn't do it, and I quit today (after being there for a week)
I told my SO and he sounded really upset (partly because I made a kind of snap decision and also because he thought I could really save a lot working there and make it easier for us to move). I can understand why he's angry, but my happiness comes first in my life and that job was making it extremely difficult to be happy, but at the same time I feel like I disappointed him and set us back in saving money.
TL;DR: | Quit better paying second job because I was unhappy. SO gets mad b/c of rash decision and loss of better pay. Really just need advice on how to handle this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Worried my dog might have rabies
POST: She was fine this morning, but a little while ago she started barking at nothing, and she was ignoring me even though she's usually one to come running the minute you call her name. She ran outside, and I followed her and that's when I saw she was foaming at the mouth. So I went inside and closed the door so she can't come back in because I'm scared that she might get aggressive, and I called my mom at work to tell her what was happening, so she's going to come home as soon as she can. And I've been crying non-stop because I love this dog and I know if it is rabies it's too late and I don't know what to do. I've had this dog almost ten years, since she was a puppy and I'm not ready to lose her.
TL;DR: | I've never been so happy to look like a total dumbass. It looks like the dog is going to be okay! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [20M] Seeing this girl who says she is unhappy, but can't quite put a reason as to why..
POST: This girl I've been seeing for about a month has recently begun to get upset. Through our mutual friends very childish problems have come up that have put her on edge.
We will still talk about things as per normal and hang out, but at some point in the time we are together her facial expressions just go blank and it's obvious something is bothering her. I query her about it, but she just gets very quiet and uncomfortable. She DOES still like me, but to what extent im not totally sure anymore.
She doesn't like to talk about things very much so asking for more explanation doesn't help much, she just says 'idk im just not happy...'
Nothing has been decided about whether we should see each other more or not, but I feel like something has to be done.
Reddit, what would be the best thing to do here? I assume some of you have seen something similar to this before, if so, how did that end/not end?
TL;DR: | Girl im seeing likes me and recently has been saying shes not happy without giving much detail into why. What to do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Facebook friending people from years past...when is it okay/useful/good to do? A specific situation in text.
POST: I was looking through photos of my high school friend (she got married this weekend),and I happened to notice this guy was there who I crushed on for like 3 years in high school (so like 6 years ago). He was always a good friend of mine, and we talked a lot, but he ended up dating my then best friend, and it was a huge mess. There were a lot of words said and we stopped being friends. Blame could be put on all parties involved. I was considering friending him on Facebook after seeing him in this album, but I don't know if there's really a reason to do so. I guess I just don't like leaving things bitter when I know that I'm over it, anyways. I figure he probably is too, since he's not dating that girl anymore. If I do refriend him, is it worse to send along a message saying "let bygones be bygones" or not?
TL;DR: | Saw a picture of a guy friend that I had a falling out with years ago. Is it a good idea to reforge bridges or just leave them burned? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I (F/23) feel cheated on by my husband(24) of a year. Advice, please? I'm not sure what to do.
POST: My husband and I were together for four years before getting married, most everything has gone just fine.
However, he would talk to his ex-girlfriend a lot and it would make me very uncomfortable. I don't want to talk about her a lot, but to put it lightly she basically worships the ground he walks on, and she OBVIOUSLY still has feelings for him. He wrote it off as them being "just friends" but promised to stop responding to all of her messages/texts/phone calls. Great! I felt better.
Two years later, I find messages on his phone from her. I wasn't snooping, as I've trusted him, but it's not uncommon for us to share phones. It upset me, I confronted him and he decided that I was overreacting and he would continue to talk to her. Whatever, I trust him. No big deal, right? Maybe I am being silly.
A few months later I find that they were making phone calls back and forth and were talking for hours while I was asleep. (2am-5am) Or even while I was at work. He became secretive with his phone and wouldn't leaving it laying around at all. I drew the line there, I was NOT ok with anything happening behind my back.
I told him I didn't want them talking anymore, AT ALL, period. After weeks of telling him this, he finally decides to ignore her messages so I'll just leave him alone about it.
Fast forward, we get married! Everything is great, no more problems.
And now I've found him messaging her again. I confronted him and he says he "didn't think it would be a big deal." Even though I made it clear that I would consider it cheating if I found him doing this again. He had been hiding messages for weeks and only talking to her when I wasn't around or asleep.
He apologized, and blocked her number, saying it won't happen again. But now I can't look at him the same, I'm very hurt by all of this. What would you do in this scenario, RA? I need some advice.
TL;DR: | Husband of a year, texts his ex-girlfriend after me asking him not to and catching him multiple times. Now what? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Asked my SO if they had slept with anyone while we were apart. Kind of regret finding out otherwise.
POST: I'm 28 and she's 26, been together for 3 years with a 5 month. We got back together and things have been nice, but kind of tense as of late because of re-location issues on her part for a great job opportunity which I encouraged her to take. We had a nice dinner tonight, had an honest talk about the whole move, and in that convo I, regrettably, asked and have been feeling kind of crushed by the answer. I know my SO had every right to do so, I know it was kind of my fault it happened because I decided not to be with her, but I feel really bad about our relationship now, I don't know how I feel about SO anymore, but I don't want to make a bad choice off something she did when I chose not to be around. I know it's immature to feel like she did something wrong to me, but I just feel that way. It's kind of a self confidence issue as well, I feel really unattractive, mainly because I didn't sleep with anyone and had this idea that SO was holding out. I feel like I ruined something for my self.
TL;DR: | I feel like my relationship won't be the same after I found out my SO slept with other people while we were a part. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23F] with my sister [28F] she is making questionable life choices and I'm worried about my Niece [4F]
POST: My sister has a 4 year old daughter with her partner [22M] who she has been with for 5 or so years.
For a while (about 3/4 months) she hasn't been getting on with her partner so much, mainly through a sense of frustration on my sister's part that he likes to party a lot, and that she feels she does more of the work (he works part time, she does all the house/child stuff) this isn't what the problem is but I feel is the catalyst to the main issue.
My sister has been going out a lot more and drinking, partying, and she has done some very questionable things while doing so. All of her friends are quite dodgy and into drugs and she herself was an addict before she met her partner and had a child. She has been clean since - until now.
She has been taking drugs, sleeping around (her partner doesn't know) and has apparently fallen in love with a crack addict. I am stunned as to what to do.
I have told her to get her shit together and that she is clouding her judgement over this guy because she's not happy in her relationship right now. But what more can I do?
I am worried about the long and short term consequences on my niece who is the sweetest most wonderful person and I would do anything to protect her. But what can I do?
TL;DR: | My sister has got back into drugs, has been sleeping around and seems to be having a crisis in general. I need suggestions and advice. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by walking in on a woman in a porta-potty
POST: So today there was the first annual 5k at the college I graduated from. It's my old college, so I'm going to support it, and I've been getting in shape so I decided to kill two birds with one stone. I get finished running and there is basically a huge party in one of the parking lots. Free beer, food, music, and we get to watch the spring football game later in the afternoon.
By 11am I've had probably 4 beers and needed to take a leak. So I go to the edge of the parking lot with the row of porta potties and look for one that I open. Most of the ones are taken but I see one that's looks like the lock just kind of went halfway down. I knock, and me being drunk combined with the live music, I don't hear anything. I open the door, but it got kind of stuck on the way. So by the time it's open I know it was supposed to be locked. This woman has her pants by her feet, she stands up, covers her nether regions, and yells in an embarrassed and angry voice that it is occupied.
I have never seen the look of shame and pure rage on someone's face like this before. As soon as I do this, someone else comes out of a different porta potty and I go in there. I hide in there for about 10 minutes and hope that I don't see that woman again.
TL;DR: | Walked in on a woman in a porta potty and couldn't tell if the woman wanted to cry or kill me |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Promoting harmony with a new roommate [24,m]
POST: So I just moved in with some folks and we've been living together for about a week. I've known all except one of them for a long time and we're all good friends. The other person is pretty great and we all share a ton of common interests. However, it's obviously stressful moving in with people who all know each other really well. Very recently, they've been very defensive and (when drinking) very insulting to everyone. I don't take it personally but I'm wondering:
Is this an awkward phase and we'll probably end up living harmoniously if we keep putting out positive energy?
Is it a sign that we're not trying hard enough to be inclusive?
I'm sorry, that's really vague. I wanted to not even bring it up with my other roommates so it just wouldn't be a thing, but one of them brought it up to me that they were a bit offended and felt in a weird position; that normally they'd take the barbs and throw them back but then the new roomie (the one ripping in the first place) gets offended when they do.
Now I'm afraid there's some perceptible tension and I'd like to nip it in the bud and have it not be the case. I'm of the mind that if I just keep being inclusive and stuff this will become history. However, I don't want to have a conversation about it because it's so early in the relationship and it could end up having a larger impact than I mean it to.
What would you do?
TL;DR: | Living together a week with a new roommate; things are 85% okay; would having a conversation about what I wrote about be too soon? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [26M] with my GF [23F] - How to avoid the "Grass is Always Greener" mentality
POST: Hello everyone,
I am in a wonderful relationship. My GF and I are pretty much a perfect match for each other. We complement each other extremely well, she treats me like a king, I treat her like my queen, we could be digging holes in the desert with spoons and as long as we're together we'll be happy. That's not actually what I need help with.
I am 26. I had my first girlfriend at age 24. I hadn't dated before then. I actually used Seddit to gain confidence and start actually speaking to women. Since then I've had a bunch of "nothing serious" dates, then a 3 month relationship, then an 8 month relationship, and now 7 months with my current girl. I fully intend on marrying her in a few years. But Seddit also taught me to not focus on one person and be looking for the next best person all the time. And that's causing me some problems.
Here's the thing. I didn't date in high school or college. So while I KNOW that my gf is the one for me, my brain keeps telling me that I should want more experience with more people and that I need to be dating. That's what my brain keeps telling me when I go out with friends and see a plethora of extremely attractive women. But I know I'm happy right now – and that the chances of those girls being able to provide the kind of relationship I have with my current GF is almost 0%. I need help figuring out how to avoid getting distracted – I want to focus my energy on the relationship I'm in and not be tempted to pull away just because I see someone who is "hotter" or more outgoing or whatever...but would not complete me the way my girlfriend does. Anyone with suggestions on how to focus on the relationship you have…please chime in!
TL;DR: | In a great relationship, WANT to stay with her, but lack of dating experience makes me curious about other people. Want to understand how to handle and clear those feelings so I can make the most of the relationship i'm in. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: [Serious] How do Japanese Universities view American degrees?
POST: I'm a bit of a planner, and I like to plan things way ahead of time. I'm currently studying for a degree in Biomedical Engineering Technology, and I want to get a Master's when I'm done. After doing a bit of research, I've decided that Japan would be one of the best places for me to sharpen my education.
That said, I have never traveled outside of the United States in my entire life (outside of Military Deployments, so not exactly a great experience).
I'm currently taking it upon myself to learn Japanese on the side. I think it's a great idea to learn the language, as Japan seems to be the birthplace of some of the world's greatest technology, as well as Germany.
So,
TL;DR: | Title question, and anyone have any insight into studying abroad as an American to Japan? I have no idea what I'm doing. halp. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: If your child was born with 4 fully functional arms, would you have them amputated?
POST: This is something I've given a lot of thought to. In most of the world, it is generally accepted to automatically amputate extra appendages. I can see the benefits to this, in the sense that the child might be ostracized or harassed because of his deformity, and it might cause physical disabilities later on.
However. This is the question I pose to you, Reddit. If your child was born with 4 fully functional, non-debilitating arms, would you have them amputated or not?
Personally, there is no way in Hell I would let them take away the opportunity for my child to be a superhero. The first thing I would do would be to put him on a strict physical training regimen.
1. Exercise and weightlifting. This child would be in perfect physical condition by his late teens.
2. Martial arts training. Judo, jiu jitzu, kickboxing, tae kwon do, krav maga, Hell even boxing and street brawling. Imagine this, my son or daughter walking down a dark alley, they get attacked suddenly by a mugger. He pulls a knife, but is easily disarmed by my spawn. With the top two arms, they grab the mugger's wrists while delivering crushing body shots to the criminal with the bottom set.
3. If, as I will let my child choose the manner to which he makes the world a safer place, he decides on law enforcement, then he will be trained extensively on firearms with all hands equally. He will be able to hold four handguns at once, or two handguns and a shotgun/assault rifle, or my personal favorite: four Uzis.
I can only think of extremely positive possibilities for this child, as I believe it would be a beautiful addition to the human genome, and hopefully the next step in human evolution.
By the way, it's totally possible:
TL;DR: | if your child was born with 4 working arms, would you turn him into a superhero or amputate them like a horrible parent? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20/F] feel like I never can control my emotions correctly when it comes to the dating scene, tips?
POST: Backstory why I'm writing this: My friend (the guy I like) told me he was going to a dance tonight (his text acted like it was something that he wasn't planning on going to) and I've been sitting here having to go to the bathroom (read below why) and just saw he was tagged in photos on Facebook about it but I quickly closed Facebook because my heart was racing and felt like I was going to puke. Okay please continue reading.
I've noticed throughout my whole life, I can't handle rejection or crushes correctly. Relationships, I feel that I'm rational, calm, and happy whenever I'm in them. I physically and emotionally can't handle dumb things while I have a crush or get rejected. Example, I can't look at a crush's photo without getting embarrassed, I get upset at the thought of going through a crush's profile thinking I will find something that will upset me, and I get EXTREMELY jealous when I hear that they're talking to someone else of the same sex even when it's on friendly terms. I don't take my jealousy out of them, I know that's 100000% wrong, I bottle it up though. It's weird though because whenever I'm in a relationship and they tell me they talked to another girl, I'm fine and not jealous!
Physically, and I hate to be gross, I get horrible stomach aches whenever I feel like something is wrong or I'm about to hear something like, "well I like so and so." I have a condition called IBS. If I'm mad, upset, sad, or embarrassed about something, I have to run to the bathroom which results into diarrhea.
I feel like a little kid confronting her crush on the playground when it comes to these things, I don't feel like I handle things maturely and I have weird things about me as stated above. I just want to know if there's anything I can do to help myself or tips on handling things such as rejection or hell, even fixing this weird thing where I can look at a fucking picture of someone I like?
TL;DR: | I can't handle the dating scene without physically or emotionally fucking myself up, I want to try and fix that. Help? |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: I think I may have been screwed out of holiday pay, not sure if there's anything I can do...
POST: Hey Reddit,
I'm currently contracted to a company that is contracted by another company for work (contract-ception I suppose). My probation period was supposed to end this past Tuesday, but instead I was called in and reprimanded for things I had not been doing. Supposedly, multiple co-workers had been complaining of things that I had not been involved with, mainly constantly being late and randomly leaving for lunch.
Now, I only work with 2 co-workers, and interact with 3 others. the way our shifts work, it's just two of us in the office, and since I work three days (12/13/14 hour shifts), I only have 2 co-workers I actually work with. I dicussed with them the situation to see if they had actually had complaints about my work, because I wanted to fix it if they did. It turns out they did not, nor have they ever complained about me about anything, and I can trust their word. Out of the other 3, two of them are good friends of mine, and the third complained about tardiness I had early on in my hiring.
The result of all this was that I had my probation extended by 45 days... Which oddly enough is after all of the holidays have passed, which I would have made time and a half on. Instead, I'm working today (Thanksgiving) for 14 hours without extra pay, and I'll be working 12 hours on Christmas day, also at normal pay. My contracting agency does not do holiday pay for contractors.
Some of this may sound confusing and I may not be communicating it very well, so any questions about it I'll be happy to answer if it helps...
TL;DR: | The person who controls my contract lied and made up reasons to not hire me on before the holidays in order to avoid having to pay me time and a half. Is there anything I can do or should I just deal with it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Best Friend [30 F] with aguy [30 M] 8 months, After searching about him I found out the guy has a past
POST: I am in a dilemma, my best friend has been seeing this guy she met online for about 8 months now. She seems to be getting serious with this guy. After our last conversation, she told me she wanted to introduce him to her family over the holidays I finally decided to look up this guy on Facebook. But when I searched for his name I came across few articles on him which said 3 years ago he was driving drunk and killed his fiancee. I think my friend needs to know this but I am not sure how to bring this up with her since she's so in love and cares so much about this guy. I don't want to be the bad one to break this news to her at the same time I want her to know about it. Can someone help me on how I should strike a conversation relating to this topic without hurting her.
TL;DR: | Best Friend's boy friend has a criminal past- DUI and in an accident killed his fiancee. Need to find a way to break this news to my friend. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Hey Reddit. What are some encounters you've had with law enforcement?
POST: This is in response to a few stories I read in [this thread] which I found very interesting. Here's mine.
A about a week ago, my apartment was busted into. I live in Chicago, Pilsen (which is a southside, Mexican dominated area for those of you who don't live here). I must've only locked my door half way (lock is kinda junky), and with it like that it's possible to force it open. Anyways, while I was asleep at around 4 am, a lady came in, lifted my laptop, iPod, my cigarettes and a jar of change. I woke up to the cops banging on my door. They asked me if I noticed anything was missing- I listed off what i noticed, and they checked it against what they had, and lo and behold, we're off to the station. Long story short there, I sit around for a bit, ID my shit, talk to a detective and then head off to class. Turns out the lady was a regular at the station, and an officer recognized her at McDonalds at around 5. He walked up to check on her or whatever, and noticed she had a MacBook. When she couldn't explain where she got it, they asked if it was stolen, and she admitted to it. They took her in, she showed the cops my apartment, the rest is history.
A week later, I had to go to court (I still don't really understand why, maybe someone can help). So I bike out to Kedzie and Harrison (about a 20 minute ride). As soon as I walk in, the security guard assumes I'm a perp, pats me down, takes my knife (I know I shouldn't have brought it to court, I just always have it on me. Derp.) and sits me down and tells me to wait for my case. I go in for a total of like a minute, until I'm told to go home. Blah.
TL;DR: | someone broke into my apartment. Cops return my shit within 3 hours. I waste my time and lose my knife at court a week later. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What's something you learned the hard way?
POST: For me, it's when writing an essay, never give an opinion that conflicts with the marker's. First semester of university, I was young and naive, I knew my teacher was a hardcore Socialist (For any Aussies, he's a regular writer of GLW). Regardless, when writing about the impacts of September 11 on US foreign policy, I decided to give my genuine beliefs, which came off very conservative (I argued that the US was justified in its invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan purely based on the emergence of a new kind of non-st - Note that the question asked us to respond to Barnett's "The pentagon's new map", which itself demonstrated the justifiability of Iraq).
I figured that the teacher would mark it based on the ideas expressed and the evidence used. Nope, he criticised the fuck out of it based on how my ideas conflicted with other claims, which to an extent is appropriate, but was far too politically charged in this scenario. I emailed the tutor, he said he would re-evaluate the paper and have it back to me in a few days. Never heard from him again. Lesson Learned.
Anyone else learn the hard way?
TL;DR: | Wrote a paper that conflicted with the ideas of the marker. GPA in the class dropped from a distinction average to barely passing. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: 19(M) In a 1 year relationship with my girlfriend 19(f) Can't seem to deal with her past, she has slept with a lot more partners than me and has also had a threesome with another 2 guys.
POST: I've been with my girlfriend for a year now and was close friends with her for about half a year before we started seeing each other. I'd say she's my best friend and my partner, the relationship is great we get on really well and rarely argue but i just can't seem to cope with her past.
I consider myself the jealous type, girls that have slept around or are a bit 'slutty' really don't do it for me, but i didn't know how bad her past was until about 4months into our relationship. I first of all found out her number (24) and for her age i think that's really high. That i was a bit weirded out by, but could live with.
It was until i found out she had a threesome with 2 guys that the problems started developing. I constantly recreate it in my head and it really makes me angry, i will constantly throw strops and just ignore her when i start to think about it.
I've thought about breaking up with her over it but it shouldn't be that big of deal surely? I can honestly say i love her but just this one thing is driving me mad and i think if i knew about it before we got in a relationship, i wouldn't be with her now.
I've been lurking threads and advice on the net for anyone with a similar situation as me but i just really need some reassurance and advice on this.
TL;DR: | I'm consider breaking up with a girl i love because of her past, before i even knew her she slept with many guys and i can't seem to deal with it |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [23/F] My boyfriend [22/M] has crippling anxiety in the bedroom.
POST: My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, and we've lived together for three. This is an issue we've been grappling with for some time.
My boyfriend is a very nervous, anxious person. This prevents him from fully engaging in sexual activities. He gets lost in is head. He also worries about being able to satisfy me, as my sexual interests are more on the kinky side. We have discussed my kinks (and briefly his, but it's like pulling teeth) and how to incorporate them into our sex life. He knows what I like and (theoretically) how to do it. Yet during the heat of the moment, when I request some reciprocation, he becomes anxious and panicky and we cannot continue. I'm upset because he can set aside is worries long enough for himself to get off, but not when it's my turn.
I've suggested he see a therapist, or read one of the many sexual health books I have, or try some meditation techniques. But he seems to have no interest in dealing with this issue. I am loosing my patience after having my needs neglected for years.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend is so crippled by anxiety that he cannot bring himself to get me off, yet he can put aside his worries long enough to be on the receiving end. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (21m) have been exclusive with a girl (19f) for several months, yet she doesn't want a relationship.
POST: So we met back in September. Things got physical pretty quick and after awhile she told me she wasn't going to see anyone else before I even questioned her about it. So we've been spending time together since then and everything has been cool. However, she doesn't want to be in a relationship; she isn't technically my "girlfriend". She would rather have a guy to "chill, talk and just hang out with".
Now I believe that she doesn't wanna hook up with other guys and I don't think she has. And it's not the end of the world if I can't call her my girlfriend, we don't have to label anything. But I can't help but think this is just an easy way out for her. She's definitely the type to avoid conflict. And I feel she wants it like this so if she wants to see someone else she can easily say we aren't dating and blame me if I get mad. Not that I would. She's a freshman in college and I'm amazed we've made it this far honestly. I wouldn't blame her for wanting to meet more new people and have new experiences, etc. But I don't like the idea of investing a lot of time into someone that might one day decide they're tired of me and bounce.
TL;DR: | girl likes to be with me but doesn't want to be in relationship officially yet, I feel like it's because she wants to be able to move on without conflict |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [27] found out my [32] year old boyfriend kissed someone else.
POST: We have been together for 2 years, and he felt like somebody who was not only my best friend, but also someone I could see myself spending my life with. We had shared a completely happy and healthy relationship up until now.
My boyfriend had a couple drinks, and another woman came up to him and kissed him. He kissed her back for about 2 minutes then he ended the kiss, and left her at the bar. However, he became too nervous to tell me... I saw him texting her, and I asked who she was. He stalled, then said just some girl who was pursuing him. I have never looked through his phone before, and have never thought I'd have to, but I could tell he was lying to me. This is the first time he's ever cheated, and the first time he's ever lied to me. When I went through his phone I saw she sent him flirty messages, knowing he was in a relationship, he didn't flirt back but he also didn't deter her from flirting.
When I confronted him, he was completely remorseful, and said he was planning on telling me about the situation. However, I feel our relationship has been seriously tainted by this because I can no longer fully trust him. I could easily forgive the kiss if he was honest with me, but not stopping her from pursuing him and then lying is the problem.
I need to know if trust is ever fully restored to a relationship after someone tells a lie like this?
TL;DR: | Im a woman whose boyfriend kissed someone else, lied about it, then gave a full confession and apology. Will I be able to trust him again? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19M] am not happy in my relationship with my [19F] even though she's perfect for me.
POST: My 19 year old girlfriend and I (19 male) have been together for over a year. A few weeks ago I realized something (this is going to sound dumb but hear me out) there isn't anything wrong with our relationship. I'm not saying were perfect but they're really aren't any major flaws. We get along very well, our personalities are almost identical, she's my best friend. We've been in a long distance relationship for the past 6 months and that hasn't caused any issues. We both love each other and support each other with everything and as wonderful as that sounds I can't help but feel unhappy.
I haven't been unhappy for the whole relationship, just recently. I know deep down that we're more compatible than anyone I've ever met and I wouldn't be happier with someone else, but I keep finding myself feeling stuck and wondering what it would be like to be with someone else.
I don't want to end it with her because I love her. But at the same time I feel like I wouldn't be upset if she broke up with me.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend and I don't fight, get along great, but even though I know I should be happy, I don't feel as motivated anymore. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24M] with my ex[26 F] wanting to grab lunch and the disagreement thereafter.
POST: My ex and I broke up several months ago rather amicably, we agreed that the way we fought and handled disagreements was not healthy and that the best case scenario was to part ways as friends.
This worked out fine, every now and then we'd text each other and catch up.
Earlier this week she texted me about getting lunch today (Saturday), and I agreed. I figured what was the harm in grabbing a bite in a restaurant, seeing each other quick and moving on with my day.
This morning, however, she asked me about coming over to my apartment before to hang out and see my dog. I politely told her no thanks and I thought it would be better to just meet and grab lunch. After hearing this she immediately canceled the lunch and asked if I was seeing anyone now.
I told her calmly that it has nothing to do with seeing anyone, but I just don't want to have a weird situation come up and for feelings to reattach themselves. I believed it would be better if we just met at the restaurant with our own cars and had lunch.
I do not want to get back with her, at all.
She then starts attacking me about how I wouldn't just meet my friends at a restaurant, which I would, and how it would be weird to have to meet me somewhere. After that she reprimanded me on how I barely initiate our texting conversations and it's obvious how little I care for her.
So far I have chosen not to respond to the text. I can feel this leading into a fight, and I have no desire to get in a fight with her, especially because we aren't even dating. It seems exhausting and pointless.
My question is, I guess, is am I in the right by not responding to the last message? My main goal is to avoid a fight and I think since we have been broken up for several months I have no obligation to respond. I just do not want to be a jerk, because I do like her as a person.
Thoughts on how to handle this?
TL;DR: | Ex wants to hang out before getting lunch, I just want to meet at the restaurant. She got mad about this, cancelled plans and is trying to engage me in an argument. Am I right for ignoring her messages? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by having the worst day ever.
POST: So my day started out normal but went down the shitter, severely. (No, there is no actual shit in the story.)
So let's start the day. In the morning I wake up and shower, the only problem is that we're out of liquid body wash so I have to use the bar soap. This isn't that bad, it's only soap. Then, I go to eat, and I look in the fridge and find some Mac and cheese, except this Mac and cheese is different, it smells garlic-y. That's okay, garlic is good. Well, turns out this Mac and cheese tasted not like garlic, but like syrupy nasty sweet Mac and cheese. This isn't a big deal, it's just food, I can eat something else.
So now let's go to the next part of the day. I decide I'll help my mom out and get a laminator for her school. So I go there, pick up the laminator and am heading back. As I'm heading back I get in a car accident. Nothing big, a little fender bender. Their car wasn't damaged so I asked if they could not file a report and they said sure. That's no big deal.. I can buff out the dent later. So I go and drop off the laminator, and I'm off the hook now.
Next, I go and eat dinner, I go to my favorite Mexican restaurant, and order something new. This is a bad idea for the worst day ever. You want to know why? Because I get sick from the fucking food. So now I'm hurling and wanting to die.
You may think it's over, but, oh, I have one more thing. Earlier today (after the food, before the hurling) I find out that my grandfathers 100th birthday party is the same day as my retreat for school. So now I have to miss part of the retreat for my grandfathers birthday (which I wouldn't mind doing. He's turning 100 for Gods sake, I'm not heartless) and possibly get kicked off my retreat and replaced.
TL;DR: | Worst day ever starts with soap, has a little accident in the middle, and ends with me missing a birthday and hurling. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [21F] crushing on best friend [28M], he might feel the same way, not sure if I should talk to him about it
POST: I've been hanging out with a close friend of mine--who I've known for about three years now--for the past four months almost every day. His ex-girlfriend broke up with him two months ago, and I tried to be there for when he needed it, which he was thankful for. A few weeks ago, I became unsure about his feelings for me, and also my feelings for him. I like him, but I would also be happy if we never ended up together and remained great friends. I have considered that he could be in rebound mode with his girlfriend having broken up with him.
He has been heavily flirting with me and has made strange comments ("I wish I had a crush to hang out with all the time…" followed by a strange silence when we were alone, asking me if I'm hitting on him, his parents on speakerphone jokingly asking when they were going to meet his new girlfriend, etc; his dad suggesting he move to where I would be living in front of me,). He flirts with a lot of girls, though, and is very difficult to read. He does really nice things for me, but he is also an all around nice guy, and I'm not sure if the things he does with me are the things he would do with anyone.
We just graduated from college, where we were both hanging out and spending time together, and we basically had two weeks left when I arrived at this dilemma. Now that we're apart, we still text and talk every day. He has mentioned that he could easily do long distance relationships, as could I, so that's not so much of a big deal if the outcome was that we both liked each other. I'm not sure whether I should ask him about his feelings or tell him my own at this risk of our friendship. He mentioned a long time ago his good friend told him that she had had a crush on him, and he had thought it was awkward to know that. So is it worth it?
TL;DR: | Crushing on best friend of three years, he may or may not be crushing on me, and we're very far apart. Is it worth talking to him about it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, I have almost no drive to do school work/go out/etc. How can I get myself motivated or push myself to work harder?
POST: I'm a college freshmen, and I guess because I "breezed" through high school, always doing well, but never doing any work, I became overly cocky with my skills. Now I'm in college, and I'm struggling with several classes, because I can't find that motivation or drive to study harder, or learn to study better.
I've been through [/r/getmotivated](/r/getmotivated) a couple times, and while it gets me motivated, it only lasts about 10-20minutes. Never more.
Aside from that, I lose motivation of going out and doing things. While I want to, I just can't get myself to go do anything aside from sit around. Occasionally I'll go on walks with my iPod and just listen to music and explore campus/the surrounding city, but besides that, I'm slowly becoming sluggish.
Some more background on me; I'm a former athlete (high school), but can't afford to play in college, and my school doesn't have an intramural lacrosse team (Sadly) so I can't continue that. I work out 3 times a week (some of the only times I do something, and its because one of my friends often makes me join him). I can read completely fine. I just recently read The Hunger Games Books 1&2 in two weeks, taking breaks inbetween.
Essentially, I'm afraid I'm slowly ruining my future because of my lack of motivation. I WANT to do well, but I can't find a way to convince myself it'll be effective. I've tried various ways of motivating myself, with slim to no luck.
Reddit, how do you think I can motivate myself better/how have you motivated yourselves? I know reddit is one of the worst places to look, but googling hasn't helped, and none of my friends are really the types-of-people to be helpful here.
TL;DR: | I have no drive/motivation to work harder in school, and it's slowly leading me to believe I've ruined my future. I need to find a way to motivate myself. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Why are you hitting on your cashier? Stop that.
POST: I work in a grocery store and at least once a day I get guys who come through the line, make inappropriate comments, and then get pissed when I don't respond. Multiple freaking times a day. Why do they do that? I'm at work. I'm trying to be professional. Unless I know you personally or have developed a good work relationship with you, I don't want to hear you making jokes about how I "must have some pretty sweet thoughts ringing up all those cucumbers." And it's not like it's immature 20 year-olds. I get men who are 40 years old pulling that shit. Like today. This guy came through my line and made some comment about sticking things in holes and told me to lighten up when I ignored it. Then he said several other things, and at the end of the transaction told me I was a "bitch who needs to smile more." It was like I fucking owed him something. And it wasn't just that guy--loads do it.
TL;DR: | Why do guys think it's okay to make creepy comments to cashiers, and why do they get pissed when I don't want to play their little game when I don't even fucking know them? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I [23F] move a crush/flirting relationship forward with someone [35M] slightly out of bounds?
POST: I need help navigating what to do: I'm really into a man 12 years older than me. I'm a 23 yr old woman, he is a 35 yr old man. We work together - he is one of my mangers. Its my part time job (I have a separate full time job). If I'm being honest, the main reason I have kept this job just to keep being around him.
His age and position are why he is slightly out of bounds. We are both single. Nothing has happened -- we both like each other (me romantically, him at the very least as a friend) but unfortunately we are both shy and know there are these two obstacles/boundaries.
I had a crush on him from the moment I met him. That day I checked to see if he had a wedding ring- the first time in my life I had ever done this. Over the past 6+ months, I've been getting to know him more at work I slowly developed into really really liking him. He compliments me, supports me, is trusting as well as vulnerable about personal things and generally awesome to me. I try to reciprocate all these things. We share similar tastes in movies and music, which he has brought me DVDs and CDs of his favorites which we banter over the merits of these - the higher up boss knows and gets in on the fun discussions, its not a secret or anything.
Its kind of funny I have a ton of his things at my house but we have never out of work hung out or gone further then this crush/flirting stage. I'm not sure what to do. I'm afraid to tell him straight out how I feel in case I'm off base thinking that he likes me too and I wreck what we currently have going that is so special.
How can I maneuver the age and work aspects? Meanwhile, how can I stay true to the fact I genuinely care for him, don't want any professional harm to come to him, yet want to develop a deeper relationship?
TL;DR: | I have a crush on an older guy who I work with. I need your advice on if/ how I should move this crush/flirting situation forward. Where can this go? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: My SO and I love each other very much, but he wants to experience other stuff, please help me Reddit
POST: We are almost the same age (I'm 11 months older) and we think alike in a lot of aspects, but since we're relatively young (we're 19 and 20) he thinks he should experience more stuff, and that maybe he would like to establish in a serious relationship when he's older, although he is sure he loves me and right now certain he doesn't want to break up, we just had this intense talking about the subject and I feel as if nothing could be done for the relationship to continue as it was before. I, too, love him too much, but I don't know if I should end the relationship for both of our sakes, he has a will of his own and I think I'm getting hurt in the process. I've told him I could be open minded about that and let him have those experiences while we're still a couple, though he too wants to experiment other formal relationships. I need advice and opinions people, I would appreciate it a lot.
TL;DR: | SO and I are a young couple, we love each other very much but he wants to experiment, though he already expressed his unwillingness to end the relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [26 M] with my friend [19 F] 2 months, how to tactfully let people know we're not dating?
POST: So my workplace has had an intern (Elena) working with us for the summer. She's from Europe and her supervisor is my closest friend in the office. Last month, her supervisor asked me if I could show Elena around town and Elena and I got along pretty well.
I've been going through personal problems which made me uncomfortable with romantic relationships at this time but I've been making an effort to focus on making new platonic relationships.
My university has an alumni social group has an annual summer picnic towards the end of August. It's typically a family event (as everyone is in their 40's and above) and I have no problem with her coming along. In fact, I'll invite her since we both don't really have much of a social life outside of each other.
It's a fun event and I'm pretty sure some will teasingly inquire about our relationship status especially when the wine starts flowing. What would be a tactful way to let them know we're just friends without giving off the "ewww" reaction.
I do suspect Elena has a crush on me but a relationship is not something I want to pursue. I'll admit, there is potential. However:
1) She's gone in a month and a half. I'm starting grad school this fall and she happens to actually be in the same field and thinks she would like to join my department in a couple of years but nothing is certain.
2) I'm not a good romantic partner at this time. By the time she comes back, I should be in a better mental state.
TL;DR: | How do I tactfully tell people a girl that may have a crush on me we're not dating and we're just good friends? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: My girlfriend doesn't trust one of my closest friends. Should i cut ties or continue being friends?
POST: Some back story, i've been dating my girlfriend for the past 6 months. We've been friends for 4 years and decided to try out a relationship. She moved away so it is in fact a long distant relationship, but it is working out better than ever expected. My friend i've known for about 3 years. She is in fact a girl which is the reason for the conflict. We were very close, she was one of the few people i actually completely trusted and talked to about everything, her and my now girlfriend. My girlfriend says she doesn't trust my friend, that she has feelings for me even though she says she doesn't. I've been talking to my friend less and less this year, but i started talking to her again. Honestly, i noticed what my girlfriend noticed. When she said she was happy for us, it seemed very fake. I really don't know what i should do right now.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend doesn't trust my very good friend, and i'm starting to understand why. Not sure whether or not i need to cut ties or continue being friends. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My friend [40 F] of two years gives me [30 F] odd examples of our friendship.
POST: I met Lin two years ago through work and consider her a fairly close friend. Lin has a very reserved and "slow to warm" demeanor, especially at work (where she is very successful), but can also be very warm, fun, and social and thus is pretty popular. Her demeanor has at times left me wondering how she feels about me, but she's done and said enough consistently kind, even loving stuff to and for me and shared enough with me that I do mostly believe our friendship is mutual and genuine.
The odd thing is that Lin will sometimes point out seemingly small things as being defining of our friendship. Not things like "I invited you to my party because we're friends" or "I want to see you before I move because we're friends" but things like "I ate some of your fries, and that must mean we're friends," "You bought me that drink at the concert, and I guess that's what friends do," and "You reminded me to look up the name of that artist on the museum website--that's why you're my friend." It throws me off, honestly, because I wonder if she struggles to think of any reason to be my friend and thus comes up with those...? In other words, does she secretly not like me and thus can only manage to come up with really mundane examples of why we're friends? We've both seen each other through personal stuff (divorces, deaths of family members, etc), and I've always tried to be a good, supportive friend in both good and not-so-good times, but those never come up as reasons why we're friends. On the other hand, she's said really nice things to me that I don't think you would say to someone who wasn't a close friend--"I'll always be there for you, no matter what," "I'm glad my family got to meet you and see how amazing you are," "you bring me a lot of happiness and I'm so glad that you're in my life," etc--and done things for me that seem to indicate friendship.
I've never seen her do this with anyone else, and she's not socially awkward in general (if anything, quite the opposite).
TL;DR: | My friend gives me really mundane examples of our friendship, and it makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong as a friend or completely misreading our friendship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Can't bring myself [22/M] to breakup with my boyfriend [20/M] of 8 months.
POST: * Dating 8 months after meeting online.
* We lived close when we first met, but I have since moved about 2 hours away. We only travel to see each other via train. We see each other approx. 4 days out of each month.
* We're gay, he's completely out of the closet and very obviously gay. I am not out at all other than with my immediate family.
I'm not really developing any new romantic feelings for him since our relationship began, but he appears to be head-over-heels in love with me. We argue all the time, over the phone. I've tried to be as blunt and non-coddling as possible with him when the topic of breaking up with him occurs.
I've literally told him in exact words that I don't love him, I don't miss him when he's not around, and I don't think our relationship has any longevity in it. Yet, whenever I tell him I think that its over, he starts hysterically crying and moaning, is barely able to speak, and begs me not to leave him. We've had this convo and subsequent breakdown 3 times now and on this last time a couple days ago he collapsed in a loudly crying heap on his kitchen floor, I had to literally cover his mouth with my hand to stop him from waking everyone in his family at 2am.
I don't know what to do, I don't know why he's doing this? Why does he want to be in a relationship with someone who clearly isn't capable of meeting his needs for romance and affection? I just can't bring myself to just cut him off altogether, I don't know what he might due to himself, or just how vindictive he might be (i.e outing me as gay publicly).
TL;DR: | Need advice for what to say and how to handing my psuedo-long distance boyfriend who devolves into histrionics at the slightest hint of a breakup. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (28/M) dad is an alcoholic and I want to talk about his health and how it is affecting my family.
POST: my dad gets drunk just about every other night. i didnt have a good relationship with him and didnt talk much when i was still living at home but now that ive been moved out for almost 6 years, i feel a little more comfortable making small conversation with him. my mom and i have brought up his drinking before, sometimes he would drink less, but ultimately, he goes back to getting drunk multiple times during the week. we dont know exactly why he does, because he keeps quiet or get defensive when we bring it up when he's sober and we just rather leave him alone, but i can imagine it is just due to stress with instability at work and problems with money.
lately, my mom and my brother has informed me that he drinks and drives, even when he has to drive my 10 year old brother to things after school, which infuriates me especially since he already has a short fuse as it is when driving. also, he is controlling, and aloof, and all these things together, i know my mom is unhappy as they go weeks without talking and my brothers just grow up resenting him. the only times he likes to be around my family is when he is drunk and he is usually fucking annoying and just rambles about nonsense.
anyway, i want to have a talk with him but i dont want it to come off like i am attacking him and make him get defensive. i want him to realize our concerns with health, his and my family's safety, just overall our relationship as a family, and that we really care about him. i dont think he had a good relationship with his family growing up and i really feel sorry for him. i want him to know that we love him but he kind of makes life miserable for those that live in the house with him. i just want any advice for those who have had similar discussions, what questions to bring up, what to say, what not to say.
TL;DR: | dad is an alcoholic. he drinks and drives, keeps to himself, and doesnt really spend time with his family. how should i go about talking about it with him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29 M] with my Fllipina fiancé [30 F] and her Father [6? M]. He wants to use the Meeting of the Family event to silence gossip, we do not.
POST: I'm writing this on behalf of both me and my fiancé. I'm a European guy and my fiancé is a Filipina from a decently well off family. There are quite a few stereotypes in the Phillipines regarding relationships like ours, though we break them. We are close in age, we have a lot in common and we have been together for quite a while and while it has been long distance we have each visited each other quite a bit over the course of our relationship. We have a relationship built on love and partnership, my family knows it and her immediate family knows it.
The problem is with her extended family, where gossip flows freely. As a bit closer to the wedding than is traditional, we will be holding something called "pamanhikan", which serves the purpose of letting the bride and the grooms family get to know each other. My fiancés father wants to invite quite a lot of relatives to it just so they can see that we do not fall under the stereotypes of an intercultural couple. My fiancé just wants to ignore the opinions of the extended family instead though and neither she or I want to make the pamanhikan about proving our relationship.
Furthermore, if we agree to her fathers wishes the whole thing might end up involving almost a hundred people, undermining the purpose of it and possibly making my family uncomfortable. We want to know how to deal with this, if we should give in or not.
Note that this was after we refused to invite these people to our wedding (which we pay for ourselves, aside from a small contribution from my mother), as we both want something smaller
than the typical Filipino wedding. He even offered to double our wedding budget so we could accommodate it.
TL;DR: | Fiancés father wants to use The Meeting of the Family event to quench gossip after we did not allow him to use our wedding for it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: International wedding and reception - hire an interpreter?
POST: I plan on asking our wedding planner, but wanted to get some real-life examples, advice, help, tips, etc. from weddit first! FH is from Japan and I'm from the U.S. We both speak each other's language, but both sides of the new family are monolingual. The only exceptions is elementary English from FH's sister, and a 2 mutual friends (a couple) that speak both languages relatively well.
We will have an officiant that can translate at least parts of the ceremony, and we'll have both languages on any printed material. Recently, however, FH suggested hiring an interpreter to sit with our parents at a the table they'd share during the reception. I first thought it sounded a bit odd, having a stranger join one of the tables, but now I'm thinking it's a very good idea. FH and I are the only ones that can/would feel comfortable interpreting for them, but we probably won't want to "babysit" the table and facilitate conversation at our own wedding.
Does anyone else have any thoughts on this - issues we might be overlooking, similar experiences at weddings you've been to, any advice? I'd love to hear!
TL;DR: | Two families don't speak each other's language!! FH suggested an interpreter to sit with the parents and I'm warming up to the idea. Thoughts, advice, etc? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Do I have a responsibility as a bridesmaid to attend the bachelorette party? Both 25F
POST: I am going to be a bridesmaid for a good friend of 2.5 years. I moved away for grad school, so if I were to go, I'd probably have to spend at least $200 on a plane ticket or drive 8 hours for the one weekend. I am already going to be flying in two months for the actual wedding. (not really relevant but the actual wedding is the weekend before my finals). I feel so bad because I love her and I want to be there but at the same time there are so many difficulties and I already accepted as a bridesmaid. I just want to gauge how big of a deal bachelorette parties are to most people. I know it's a big part of the process and I also feel like I should because she is a good friend and she also bought my bridesmaid dress without asking for anything. The only thing is I feel it's kind of a lot of money, especially since my parents aren't paying for school. I can't really run it by her either since it's a surprise party. Any thoughts? I feel really really conflicted.
TL;DR: | Am a bridesmaid living long distance. Would have to fly for both the bachelorette party and the wedding, is it ok to not go? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [26F] with man of interest [32M] for month, then ghosted when he didn't get job
POST: Guy and I had a great month dating and everything was very mutual. During our time together he was doing multiple rounds of interviews for 2 jobs and felt really good about his odds. Then on the same day, he found out he didn't get either job. He asked for time to himself which I completely get, but now its been 3 weeks and he hasn't initiated contact. When I've initiated he's been responsive but never indicates that he's ready to see me and I don't want to push him.
I get he's going through a tough time but I'm a person too. Is he expecting that I'm waiting? When do I assume he's just not going to get back to me? Is it too much to ask for clarification on where things stand? At this point I feel disrespected and if he was really in to me, he would reach out.
TL;DR: | How long can he stay in his cave after a career let down, and I am expected to wait after such a short time together? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me[29M] with my girlfriend [27F] of 8 months, and she isn't interested in sex any more!
POST: My girlfriend and I have been together for 8 months. Our relationship is great in just about every way. Our sex life was amazing up until about 3 or 4 weeks ago. She just isn't interested in it much any more. We are intimate maybe 1 or 2 times a week and getting her in the mood is nearly impossible it seems... When we do do anything I feel like i'm pulling teeth most of the time. I don't know what to do any more. I really love this woman but if something doesn't change in this area, I don't think it'll work.
I've talked to her about all of this and she said that she'd "try harder"... whatever that means and she is going through a rough time right now and to just give her time ... I'm at the end of my rope.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend has lost her sex drive and it's making me crazy. I love her and don't want things to end. Looking for your thoughts and advice. Thanks. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: GF smokes (trying to quit), I don't.....
POST: So when I was starting to get interested in seeing this girl she said she was stopping smoking and would quit and I wouldn't have to worry about it. I am not alergic to it I don't think but I have a very sensitive nose and the smell of that on clothes or on her breathe is very nausating to me.
We have been together for a little be longest than 6 months and besdies the smoking I really love her. She broke down crying to me a few months ago saying she was lying to me when I would ask her if she just smoked becasue I can almost always smell it on her breath or on her clothes. She would fake get mad at me when I asked and deny it which would make me feel horrible about asking her and being wrong (or so I thought).
Now she did it again and this time she says "whatever" and "I told you I can't do it". I offer her help like buy her the patches or gum or anything else. I have not got super angry about her having a hard time quitting but I have got mad about her lying to me about it.
Reddit, what should I do? I really, REALLY like her and want to stay with her but I can't take the smoking at all.
TL;DR: | My GF has all but given up trying to quit 6 months into our relationship. Now I'm hooked on her but disgusted by the smoking. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [25M] just broke up with my bipolar girlfriend [23F] and feel like a jerk
POST: I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years, and it's been amazing - no fights, no quarrels, very compatible. At the beginning, she let me know that she was bipolar and taking medicine for it, and that was that… no symptoms or problems for it at all.
About a month ago she started having a breakdown, and got manic, even psychotic, throwing things, yelling, the whole nine yards. I had to call the police and get her to the hospital, we calmed her down and took her to her mom's house to stabilize and recover. Since then, she came back, was really rocky on-and-off, had another breakdown, went back to her mom's, and I had to break it off since I just couldn't handle it anymore.
I feel like such a jerk to leave someone in their time of need, and I feel like I've betrayed her, but I couldn't take another day of it. This last month I was panicked, I would jump every time the phone rang, I was scared of the night because that was usually when things would start escalating, I couldn't focus on my work at all (I'm a PhD student and overworked as it is).
At the core I know this is the healthiest decision for me, and I think it's the right one for her too… I think she needs a lot of time on her own to settle these things (there's a lot of baggage to work through) and she deserves a more supportive partner with more resources than I can provide right now. I still feel like the biggest asshole though, that I couldn't stick it out, and I also second-guess my decision a lot, since this was a dream of a relationship up until this last month. On my side, I feel like life's robbed me and I don't understand it, and on her side I feel like I've betrayed her and left my partner in her time of need. :-(
TL;DR: | Had to leave my bipolar girlfriend, feel like an asshole for it, don't know how to figure out when enough's enough |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I(22/F) not let my SO's(22/M) behavior affect my self confidence?
POST: We have been going out for 9 months and have had a wonderful relationship. He makes me laugh, he's there for me, we can talk for hours, and I can see myself with him a long ways down the road.
But the one thing I'm letting affect our relationship is my self confidence. He follows girls that look nothing like me on instagram. He browses them when we're cuddling together and he makes comments on how nice their bodies are. In addition, he makes jokes about girls we see in public. Saying how nice they look or how I don't have the same goods as them. Of course I know he is joking but I'm having a hard time not letting it get to my self confidence.
These girls all are tall, amazingly fit, with decent size boobs and nice butts. I'm on the other hand as thin and short and flat as they come. Usually I'm pretty confident with myself and think I'm at a healthy place physically. It seems like such a petty thing as I'm writing it now but it's the little things that chip away at my self confidence.
I've tried different things to get past this problem. I've acknowledged this problem is coming internally. I try turning away when he goes on instagram so I don't have to see the girls. I try telling myself that I am beautiful and my body is pretty great. I started lifting weights so I can look more loke the girls. I tried telling him how I feel about this.
But no matter what I do, it doesn't seem like it's working. My boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful and my body is perfect. I try so hard to believe it. I really want to believe it. But I just can't when the next thing he does after telling me that is go back to browsing through the pictures of girls.
I feel like my self confidence issue is eating away not only at me but also our relationship. How do I get over this issue? What are some ways to become more confident in myself? I just want to be a more confident person.
TL;DR: | my boyfriend has a different preference for body types than mine when he is on the internet. I want to know how to be more confident in myself so I can let this stop affecting our relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: Am I over thinking the situation?
POST: My friend and I would talk every once in a while, I'd say once a week is about the average (through texting). A couple of weeks ago we chatted through text and everything was fine. A couple of days later I texted her "hi" and she read my text (we both have iPhones so I can see when she read my text) but she never replied. I shrugged it off as her being busy on a saturday evening. I didn't contact her for about two weeks (we only usually talk if I initiate the conversation with her) I texted her yesterday against just saying "hi" as a way to start the conversation, she read my text but again never responded back.
I think I'm just over-thinking this because she's probably just busy and what not, but after not talking to her for two weeks and the last two times I've texted her she's never responded kinda makes me feel bad in the sense she doesn't want to talk to me or be my friend any more..
Should I text her again in a couple of days with just a hey and see if she responds or should I ask her if she still wants to be friends? I kind of want to ask but I feel im just over-thinking and it'd make things worst. I've known her for about a year now.
TL;DR: | Friend I've known for a year hasn't responded back to both my texts over the past two weeks and I feel like I'm just overreacting or over-thinking she doesn't want to be my friend.. |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: Life Advice
POST: My (21 F) fiancé (22 M) and I want to move to Austin Texas from Vancouver, WA. However, we are having a hard time deciding when. I want to finish up my Associates and I just need to get past this next quarter, then I just need to take 20 credits I can do online and I will be done.
I also want to wait until our marriage in May. However, he gets spurts of depression of being stuck in a rut. I work at a terrible childcare facility, but want to go into hospitality, where my last job was at. He works at a fabrication place as general maintenance and loves it, but has little room for promotion/pay raises.
A part of me wants to just leave now to enjoy the sun and have a happy fiancé again, but a part of me is very scared.
We live rent free with his dad so saving up money will not be too hard. I am just scared to go someplace without a safety net.
I guess I have no question in general, just wanting to hear sound advice and thoughts.
TL;DR: | I need advice/thoughts on when is a good time to move vs rushing things. How is our life going? I just don't want him to feel stuck. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Planning on breaking up, should I help her move out?
POST: I'm (22M) planning on breaking up with my (22F) girlfriend of 6 years. But she lives with me and my sibling in a condo that my parents own so she would have to be the one to leave. Her mom lives only a 5 minute drive away so she could easily move in with her but she isn't very well off and only has an suv. I on the other hand have a truck and could easily move her larger items such as the dresser. None of her other friends have trucks because they are all from the city and don't need them. I just don't want her to have to waste money on a moving truck to move her few large items. Should I offer to help her move out of all that he to awkward? When I break up with her it will most likely not go down to smoothly as we've been together so long.
TL;DR: | she lives with me in a place my parents own and can't really afford to pay to move, I have a truck though, should I help? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19/F] drove my now ex-boyfriend [21/M] away by "suffocating" him too much. Help?
POST: My ex and I were together for over a year. He's in the Army, so it's been very long distance for a very long time. We had been SO happy. We were planning our engagement, marriage, and had everything figured out. We are perfect for each other. We were happy, until Friday. I had a day where I got overly insecure, and overreacted to a lot of things. He said that this was "the straw that broke the camel's back" and ended up breaking up with me. He is going on leave, and was supposed to come pick me up today. We planned on staying in a hotel, all of our dates, everything. But now, everything is thrown away. I *know* that he is the one for me, and I need to get him back. Any advice?
TL;DR: | I got overly insecure one day, and drove my soulmate away. What can I do to get him to come back? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 M] falling hard for [24 F] who is leaving in a couple months.
POST: I'm falling for this girl I met two weeks ago. We have started dating. I've never been in love and few of my relationships have lasted past a month. I can't get this one out of my mind.
She seems very into me but scared to show it. I get it. Two weeks is ridiculous. But on top of that she's moving for her career at the end of the year.
We've talked about me moving with her, but every once in awhile, she seems to freak out about how fast we're moving. I feel like if we got the chance we could make a mature decision about me coming with her at the end of the year after we've been together a little longer, but I'm worried she's not going to give me that chance.
TL;DR: | I'm worried the girl is going to panic and dump me before we get a chance to figure out what we are to each other. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit I need car crash Insurance advice
POST: Just your usual throwaway asking a question on behalf of a friend. Not I/they are not looking for any moral judgement just some advice/answers.
My friend got in a car accident, rear ending another car, doing no damage to that car or the people in there and doing a fair bit of damage to their own car. The people in the car he hit did not want to call the police or get insurance involved or anything since their car was fine.
My friend who is 18 told his parents the car got hit in a hit and run in a parking lot, as they did not have fully comprehensive insurance would only be covered in such a circumstance. My friend is worried the insurance company will try to look at the security footage to determine if his story is indeed true. Question is will the insurance company go as far as to do that?
TL;DR: | Friend lied to insurance saying got hit in a hit and run in a parking lot..will the insurance company go as far as to check the cameras in the parking lot? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: A question to all the professional programmers
POST: I am a second year computer science major at Boston College and I am unsure what I need to learn to get a job in any programming field. I feel like by the time I graduate I won't have half the experience I need to grab a job in a field.
Are most jobs you get the type where you need some background knowledge, or at least intelligence, and you learn on the job? Or do you need to know practically everything in that area first?
I also want to know whats a good language to know for pretty much any programming job. Right now my programming experience is Java, MIPS (assembly language), C, and I learned Flash's Actionscript on my own.
By the time my education wraps up I'll know more about algorithms, security, datamining, and operating systems. I also took two logic courses designed for CS and Discrete Mathematics.
Will this prepare me for a generic job? What kind of internship can I expect with what I know? I know the stuff you need to know for jobs varies a lot depending on what you do, but what are good examples of a job one could get right out of college?
Thanks in advance for the help!
TL;DR: | What's a good language to know for any generic job? Do you learn on the job, or should you have a lot of experience when applying? What's an example of a lower-level computer science job? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: My [f24] friend [m25] depends so heavily on me and I cant bear it any more. Am I being selfish?
POST: Hi. Throwaway just because.
I've been friends with this guy for about 5 years or so. We became close when he helped me through a pretty traumatic time. We live a few hours apart now and see each for a day every few months. But we talk every day. Or should I say he talks. He's struggling quite a bit with a few things - loneliness, lack of self esteem. I have my own struggles but am generally much happier in life than I used to be. However he's really bringing me down and I feel horrible for thinking that.
He'll send messages prefaced with things like, be nice to me today I'm having self esteem issues, as if I'm responsible for his happiness. If a girl has rejected him he'll send messages saying he'll have nothing to live for if that happens again. I've tried to help him by encouraging him to find other friends, but he has particularly high standards and is always talking condescendingly about anyone else he meets (basically if they drink they're below him, for example). He flies off the handle really easily when I don't appear to care enough about our friendship and makes me feel guilty for not constantly being available (eg. oh you're always too busy for me now).
Everyone else who is aware of him thinks he's in love with me. I'm not so sure, but I do think he relies on me for far too much. It's been an issue in every relationship I've had since I've known him, as he's constantly messaging and has elements of jealously (mostly due to the fact that I can get relationships and he can't - which he is always reminding me of). I feel guilty that he has no other friends but I'm not sure I can deal with the pressure of his entire self esteem basically resting on me. Whenever someone asks me why we're still friends, it's genuinely because I worry what he'd do if I disappeared and I couldn't have that resting on my conscience.
TL;DR: | friend relies on me for constant validation and support and makes me feel guilty for having a life. Not sure I can bear much more. Am I selfish? What can I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [20 M] Approached Me And Later Denies Knowing Me [20 F] Am I Going Crazy?
POST: This cute guy who I've had classes with approached me a while back - he talked to me a bit, then got shy and ran away.we then proceeded to friend each other on FB. Few days later, I decided to shoot him a friendly message asking him about class. He replied with, "No, I'm not in your class, Honestly i don't know you either, you must have been thinking of someone else."
At first I thought I genuinely *did* make a mistake, and responded immediately by unfriending and saying, "Oh aha, you're right! Sorry about the mix-up!" But I was looking through his pics, and I'm *pretty damn sure it was him*! Then I checked my class roster, and...he wasn't on there! So he really *wasn't* in my class!* And it's true that we don't *really* know one another...I'm not totally devastated or anything about him not liking me, but I'm just wondering if I'm going crazy, or if he's been low-key stalking me a whole semester? (He'd been sitting in that class a whole semester, participating and asking questions, and would often sit around me in the library) Any opinions?
TL;DR: | This guy who I've had a class with before was in my class this semester, and approached me, but then denied knowing me, turns out he's not even in the class! Kind of weirded out/confused. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Just because I don't drink or smoke does not make me straight edge. Srsly.
POST: It's LOL worthy every time someone accuses me of that. I don't drink. I've tried it, been drunk a few times, but I just don't care for it. I'm not going to waste my money on something that I don't give two shits about. Same thing for smoking. Tried it a few times, been high, don't like it. I'd rather save my money for something I really care about. Like a new video game, a dress, a new part for my bike, or a road trip.
It does kind of sting when I'm not invited to some sort of get together because I don't do these things. I *like* you people. I don't care what you do, as long as you do it safely.
TL;DR: | Maaaan, I don't need your social lubrication or your reality dampeners. I've got my imagination and the haze of half-sleep for that. Derp. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: 19 M with 19 F friend who I barely missed my chance with and now need advice.
POST: Okay first a little background on my story, Have had a couple bad relationships before where one was only using me to get to my brother, the other one, I got way too deep for what it was and ended up getting hurt at the end of it. Since these two I haven't really considered dating for the past two years at all. I haven't found girls attractive until this one. We met during band camp while eating lunch in the union building and over the past couple of months I really have come to care for her. I was ready to tell her about how I feel when bam, she gets a boyfriend. Now I am so confused about what to do and what is appropriate with this girl. So many questions to ask so add what you think about the situation and what I should do. I am also wondering if it still is okay to ask her to hang out with only her and stuff like that. Now I know what is completely off limits like telling her how I feel right now or anything else like that but what is still acceptable without ruining a good friendship or ruining her relationship with this guy?
TL;DR: | Found a girl that I haven't felt something like this in a while, missed my chance to ask her out and now am wondering what is acceptable in our friendship for me to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by going to the bathroom in 3 am
POST: So this happened 2-3 days ago. I go to the bathroom in 3 AM to take the leak.
Now everything is cool and all but there's one problem in my bathroom - when you put the toilet seat up sometimes it falls down, though this happens rarely so i don't pay much attention to it. As i start taking the leak(eyes half closed) the toilet seat suddenly is falling down, i somehow managed to catch it though i pee all over my hand and clothes, but no big deal i'll clean it up later right? So i lift it up, and continue having that relaxed feeling, like when you avoid a big danger. As i continue the toilet seat FALLS AGAIN, i try to catch it but trip which leads to me falling and hitting my head on the toilet, and the best part, somehow my left hand ended up in the toilet water mixed with my piss. Thusly i had to fully change my clothes and wash my hands like there is no tomorrow in 3 am... did not fall asleep afetwards
TL;DR: | Tried to catch falling toilet seat, fell and hit my head,my hand ends up in toilet water full of my piss |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: [29F] What is best college savings vehicle for my baby in California? 529, home equity, etc.? How much would ideally be saved?
POST: I have a one year old and want to start saving early. I was looking at a 529 but I read that I cannot take any tax deductions for a 529 in California.
I personally know a lot of people in California that have used their home equity finance their kid's college. What is the opinion on this strategy? Does this mean if I buy a place, I could splurge a little to get a higher equity in property down the line?
What do you think? What is the most advantageous way to pay for something like this?
And also, what is a good target amount to save?
We currently don't own a home and rent very cheaply (by California standards). We save over nearly 30% of our income currently, with half of that going to retirement.
We don't have any debts (no student loans, no car payments, etc.).
Thanks!
TL;DR: | How should I start a college savings account for my baby in California? How much should I save before she turns 18? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Keeps bringing up the same issue!
POST: First of all I hope this is the right sub to drop this in but I'm sure I will get some advice anyways.
We are 30/m and 40/f and have become very close friends over the course of the last 6-9months. She is currently going through a divorce which is near over and has made the conscious decision not to date for a while. In the past during the time that she was dealing with the rougher part of her divorce we had once had a talk about possibly being in a relationship once it was all said and done. We both agreed that we would eventually, but we both held back at the time because we didn't want to put ourselves in situations where it would I would be a rebound, and I didn't want to ever see her as the if she cheats with you, she will cheat on you type of person because I know she is not like that.
Fast forward to the present, I try to be her best friend and support her. I don't offer advice on her divorce even though she asks it of me because I don't want there to be a situation where she will blame me for it. She always invites me to do things, spend time with her and her family, go out dancing etc. I usually go and we have fun, but at times she starts asking me if I am jealous if she is dancing with other guys, or she will put words in my mouth just to make us argue.
I personally feel that I have done everything I can to be her best friend. I never bring up wanting a relationship, yet she consistantly says that she wants one, but shes not ready. I respect that she is not ready, but lately shes been on edge, and brings up whole thing about her not being ready yet and that she wants us to be best friends first. How do I explain to her that I am her best friend, that I understand that she needs her time, and that I am not trying to force a relationship?
TL;DR: | She thinks I am trying to force a relationship, I want her to understand that I am her best friend and want her to work out her life. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Today my (23f) gf decided we should take a break. Does it always signal the end? More info in comments (xpost-self)
POST: Our sex life used to be great. Then it started slowing down because she had been sick.a little over a week ago she tells me that she doesn't want to have sex anymore. She wants to be closer to God and felt like she had been disappointing her (deceased) grandmother. I was upset but said I love her enough that I want to try to make it work. She said she wasn't 100% sure if she wanted to do it anyway but wanted to try it.
Since then I have been talking to and few female friends about it. Most seem to think that its just a phase. She seemed a little distant since then. the other day told me that she was having a hard time resisting the temptation of having sex with me. I have been supportive and haven't been trying to change her mind. She still felt like she was sinning since we live together and are not married. Today she said she needed time to think and we should take a break. She's going out of town with her family from Friday to next Tuesday (and my birthday is Wednesday:/ ) she said she needs to figure out what really makes her happy. I saw her leaving work tonight as I was coming in for an overnight shift (I know... Don't shit where you eat) we had a very long hug. I teared up just a little and told her to try to be quick with her decision.
I just feel lost and powerless. She says she still loves me but needs to put god first and figure out what makes her happy. I'm hoping so badly that she realizes life is better with me in it but I'm beginning to have my doubts. Any advice is appreciated but I'd really just like someone to talk to right now. I feel alone.
TL;DR: | gf wants to put god first and give up sex. I agreed to try. She says having a bf is too much temptation and said we should take a break while she figures herself out |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (17M) am happy with my girlfriend (17F), yet concerned about my inexperience with relationships.
POST: Let me preface all of this by saying that I am NOT interested in breaking up with my girlfriend, so please respect that and don't offer that advice.
Onto the problem: I've been with my girlfriend for 1 year and 7 months now. I just graduated high school and am going to an in-state university, while she will be a senior in high-school next year. We will continue to live close enough to be able to see each other a lot. I'm very, very happy with the relationship. Nothing is wrong--we have fun together, the romance is there, sex is great, families are close, we talk through issues with open communication, she's my best friend, etc etc.
However, she is one of the few girls I have dated. I'm happy, really I am, but I'm concerned that there are possible better relationships out there. This is NOT to say that I don't like the relationship I'm in, just that I have nothing with which to REALLY compare it to. It seems silly to me to talk about a long-term relationship when just getting out of high-school, but if I were to want to pursue one with this girl (whose long-term goals match up with mine), is there any possible way to qualm my fear and uncertainty?
TL;DR: | I am happy with my relationship, but concerned that my lack of experience and "grass is always greener" thought process may affect it in the long-term. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: (M24) with highly stressed gf (20)
POST: So we are in a long distance but serious relationship. She is studying foe her finals and projects and is really insistent in needing addional space. This is normal around midterms and finals and I usually just back off ad she says until things settle down. However this time around shes had a lot of recent stressors on top of school so I don't know if I should do my normal routine which is send her occasional text to let her know I'm thinking of her or if I should find something to do to give her a good suprise that isn't invasive to her study times. I would have no idea where to start with something like that.
TL;DR: | girlfriend stressed out and concerned normal behavior of letting her just focus on school may fall short of what she needs. Any advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: PF, maximizing savings?
POST: Hi, Personal Finance!
I'd like to think I'm fairly smart when it comes to finance. I have worked at banks in sales (selling people debt), and have been very good about not going into debt myself, keeping my c/c balance low (in fact, I'm debt free ATM, and keep my C/C utilization at about 3-5%, if that). Furthermore, while my job doesn't pay very much, there are discounts on my monthly bills (cable-premium package... and I mean ALL channels,
Here's a basic breakdown of my monthly financial responsibilities
$34, cable/internet
$60 cel phone
$42 car insurance
$14 gym
.... err... I can't think of any other financial responsibilities ATM.
Here are some future expenses that I foresee in the future
-Engagement ring, (1500, for a ring normally priced at $5k, thank goodness for having worked in jewelry for 10 years and having connections)yep, I'm going to ask my girlfriend to marry me.
-Looking at purchasing a used car 5k-10k, either cash or financing a small amount. (I have a car ATM, but looking to upgrade).
- Hmm... probably something in the distant future are wedding costs, looking for a house, vacation.... etc. (For this, I'd use the figures of a combined income, which is roughly about 60-65k.
So, considering that without comission, my take home-pay is about 1,400-1,500 a month (comission included-- 2,000-2,500) a month. What does PF think I should save? The reson I gave so much info is because of all the upcoming expenses I have, in comparison to the low expenses I have at the moment.
TL;DR: | Have little expenses ATM, have some upcoming expenses in the next year.... how should I maximize my savings/what percentage should I save? Is it ok to minimize expenses to a ridiculous amount in order to save up? Thanks! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Guy [22m] hits on my GF[23f] ALL the time... BUT he's autistic... what to do?
POST: My GF is a 23f. I'm a 24m. We've been going out for almost three months.
My GF works at a retail place as a cashier. One of the guys she works with has an insane crush on her. She has told me many things that he has told her, things like how he told her he has fantasies about her, that he likes her, that he was jealous when he found out we got together, etc. Only one extra thing: he's autistic.
The guy even looks a little goofy in his profile pics on FaceBook, a big smile plastered over his face. He obviously has some mental issues with being autistic and all, and that's fine. But there's one issue that is really bugging me: he won't stop hitting on my girlfriend on her FaceBook wall.
For the first month/two I didn't really care because I knew he was autistic/slow. But the guy keeps doing it. He says things like, "You looked really good today BTW", "God bless you SEXY BABY", "You are so sexy/hot", "I dedicate this song to you", etc. He is always posting huge songs on her wall that he "dedicates" to her, talking about love, how hot she is, how he loves her, etc.
My question is, is it okay to ask this guy to stop calling my GF sexy in public, ie, on her FaceBook wall? Nothing mean of course. Or am I over-reacting? If it was a guy that wasn't autistic, I would be super pissed, but for some reason since he's autistic, is it okay? I also don't like that if people check out my girlfriend's profile, they might be a little confused that he has taken over her entire wall with flirtation.
TL;DR: | Autistic guy hits on my girlfriend all the time, and it's getting a little annoying. Can I say something? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I just walked out of my first concert, ever.
POST: I went to a neon indian concert last night and I was pretty psyched to go, being that I've never seen any of my favorite artists live. I'm 21, Indian, and from the West Indies. I'm 5'8 and 138lbs. While I was wanting to go for weeks, I took a look in the mirror and thought to myself that I won't fit in.
I wore some levis, vans, a olive parka and a basic t-shirt to the event, but I just felt like people in the room were judging me because I wasn't white, when the majority was.
The night started out with me arriving o the show 45 mins late because the GPS on my phone was sending me to a sandwich shop instead of the arts center. Finally found it after downloading google maps. Walked to the entrance of the show and Hipsters. Hipsters everywhere. Made my way inside and the band wasn't on stage.
I had no idea if they left, or was just taking a break. But I felt so uncomfortable there that I just wanted to leave. I even heard some girl say as I walked in, 'Hey look, its Aladdin'. From there, I could already feel everyone judging me as that awkward kid because why else would someone say that about a stranger?
Walked out. The usher said no-reentry and I was like "ok"... everyone in line was saying "He's a real hipster", but I didn't take that as a compliment or insult because I just wanted to leave...
What the fuck is wrong with me?
TL;DR: | Went to a concert. Got scared because it was out of my usual comfort zone and left 3 mins after I walked in... |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: I've never kissed a girl and I feel like a failure
POST: So I was watching South Park tonight and it was the episode where Butter's gets bullied for never having kissed a girl even though he was already 9. Then I realized that the same applies to me, even though I'm 15, and it feels like shit. I'd like to think that I'm not ugly, about 5/10, and I get told about how nice I am by the few friends I have, so I don't see what's the problem. It's not that I haven't tried, I've tried more times than I can count to, but I'm constantly rejected and everyone seems to see me as a weird kid that nobody really likes. That's not my problem. My problem is that I can't figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. Do I just have an aura around me that makes people act like dicks around me? I just don't see what I'm doing wrong, because there has to be something that differs me from the "cool" kids that I don't see, even though I'm just like them except I'm not as big of a douchebag. But maybe that's it.
TL;DR: | I've never kissed a girl and I can't figure out what I've done wrong, can anyone give me suggestions? Sorry for the massive wall of text, have a [panda for your troubles]( |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: A good friend of mine is distancing herself... I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm desperate...
POST: Hello /r/relationships. I'm a 20 year old college student and I'm a male.
About a year ago I met a beatiful girl in my college, we started talking and quickly get along with each other. She is fantastic, interesting and very nice but, she already has a solid relationship with another person. At first, it bothered me but I quickly accepted it and decided to enjoy our friendship.
We talked mostly by internet: we shared opinions on movies, shared articles of the internet, laughed about silly images, talked about how hard our courses are. We talked about everything, even her boyfriend and her family. Sometimes we would met by chance on the corridors' college and cafeteria and have a good chat. I started relying on her as a real friend and stopped talking about more intimate stuff with my usual friends.
But now something changed, from some weeks ago she started to talk less and less with me, she barely responds to my messages and it seems to me that she avoids me in the college. I don't know what's going on and it's driving me crazy. She doesn't want to know how am I anymore, she doesn't ask how are things doing, she simply stopped caring.
I'm angry Reddit, very angry... and sad... I can barely focus myself on classes, I try to fap everytime to get the steam off. But nothing works. Help me. Give me advices. Say something to me.
It is pain.
TL;DR: | I have grew attached to a friendship with a girl and now she doesn't want to talk to me. I don't know why. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Feel like husband (Mid 20s) can't be bothered to go out of his way for me (Also mid 20s). Am I expecting too much?
POST: Husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 3 of those. Earlier this year my parents found out my only other sibling is addicted to hard drugs. Details on this aren't really important other than my parents have recently said enough is enough and my sibling is only allowed to move back home if they are ready and willing to go to rehab to get clean. I don't have the closest relationship with my parents, but I'm trying my best to be there for them through this.
This hasn't been easy on my parents, and my mom doesn't want to spend X-mas at home and be reminded that my sibling isn't there. She wanted my husband and me to come with her and my dad on a 4 day trip (8 hour car ride) for X-mas. I thought it would be good for my husband and me to go on this and just kind of support my parents through their rough holiday. I told my husband that this was important to me, and that I though we should do it, but he said he really didn't want to do it. I told him it hurt me that he wasn't willing to do it for me when I told him it was important to me, and he accused me of guilt tripping him. We both have ample vacation time to do this, and his family is celebrating early this year so logistically there aren't any problems. Honestly all we are going to end up doing is probably just sit around our house watching TV. I told my mom he didn't want to travel for the holiday and she seemed sad, and said that her and my dad were going to look for some trip for the two of them.
I put out the idea of maybe cutting it down to a 3 day trip somewhere that was only 2-3 hours away and my husband still said no. I didn't want to push it, but I'm still feeling resentful about it, but I'm not sure who is in the wrong here. Am I asking for too much or is he being a jerk about not doing this for me?
TL;DR: | Husband won't go on a 3-4 day trip for X-mas with me and my parents who are dealing with the first holiday season with my addict sibling out of the picture, feeling resentful about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [18f] living with my controlling aunt [45f] and I have a 7:00 curfew. I want out.
POST: I come from the typical strict religious family so I understandably want to move out. I live with my aunt who pays for me and my dads rent. (Moms not in the picture as of late.)
My reasons are:
1) My aunt expects me to do all the housework plus be the parent for her three children. She's always gone
2) I began coming home late after I turned 18 and she suddenly gave me a (nonnegotiable) curfew of 7:00 pm
3) I'm not allowed to sleepover at anyone's house including family like cousins etc. (then she'll have to do all the work herself.)
4) She has manipulated my dad into agreeing with whatever controlling rules she created for me. I can't reason with him.
5) As a fucking 18 year old (I'm a senior in high school) I shouldn't be living in such circumstances. I feel oppressed and I should feel entitled to defend myself but I have little to no support.
She has successfully managed to find a way to control every aspect of my life within a year and I simply want out because there's no way we'll come to any sort of agreement.
I'm trying to wait until I graduate and get a car but I'm afraid I will be overwhelmed with all of the responsibilities that comes with moving into your own place. Yes it's hell here but i don't have to pay rent, I wont get kicked out and I'm not entirely alone. So I'm afraid I'll end up running back. I would also like some advice from people who suddenly moved out and learned to take control over their lives after they've been controlled for so long. Thank you
TL;DR: | My aunts crazy af and my only solution is moving out but I'm afraid I'll regret it. How do I approach this situation? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Tools for photo consolidation on a PC?
POST: Reddit, I humbly ask you the following: Is there any tool that is geared toward finding photos in multiple directories and consolidating them into one?
Years of sloppy importing by my family members and carefree backup (we have 5 or 6 backups and not sure if any one of them contains all of our images- however, before any reinstalls/new PCs were rolled out, backups were done and are done regularly) have left us in a tenuous state with the safety of our photos.
Ideally, it would:
- Check for EXIF data as a way to make sure it was a photo taken by camera and not a random image on the drive
- Ignore browser caches
- Recognize if there are multiple copies of the same image, and when consolidating, keep one copy of that image.
- Insert all the existing folders into one directory with chronological dating (either by year or month/year).
TL;DR: | if you know of any tools to consolidate images, please recommend them. Any general tips on doing so are also welcome. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: How should I approach a girl that I used to like?
POST: First of all, I am a 16 year old male.
I asked a girl out about six months ago, during school. I haven't seen her over the summer, and we have rarely talked since I asked her out. Obviously, she said no when I asked her out, but I saw her staring at me multiple times since then. And today, which we had to show up to for an orientation thing, I saw her staring at me again.
Before I asked her out, we were very friendly to each other. And we teased and flirted (I think) with each other. I was 90% sure she liked me, but she told me off by saying her mom was strict with boys, and her weekend was packed. The two of us never texted and I never got her number, cause texting isn't really my thing.
I saw her staring at me last year, before I got a crush on her, a lot, and she would smile and laugh whenever we talked. Like, I would pass her by and she'd sorta grin when she saw me, and I'd do the same.
When she turned me down, she was shocked, and didn't offer a more convenient time to hang out. After that day, she stopped chatting with me and only talked when I initiated something, like what time something was going to start at, or what we were doing in a certain class.
After she stopped talking to me, I still tried to act normal around her, and played it cool like it didn't matter too much.
Most of this is just me venting, but input is still welcomed. I don't really have a crush on her anymore and want our friendship back at least, but I feel like she isn't meeting me halfway.
TL;DR: | A girl who I thought liked me stopped talking to me after I asked her out. Are there any signs I should look out for, or tips I should try to get her back as a friend? |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: [NC] No custody order in place-- Do I have to let him see the children?
POST: Had a hearing today to renew my no contact order with my ex. Even with sufficient evidence, the order, which included my ex having visitation every other weekend with the kids, was not renewed. Prior to an order, we did not have a custody agreement in place. Due to the safety and best interests of my children, I do not want the kids to go over there today (it would have been his weekend). My lawyer advised me to keep my children and put permanent custody on the court calendar, which I did as of today. She also advised that there could not be any legal ramifications if I did keep the kids, since there is no custody order in place.
I just want to make she's right. Sorry for the brief, yet long, description.
TL;DR: | no custody order in effect as of today, concerned over chilldrens safety, will i get in trouble if i keep the kids and deny what would be normal visitation. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My dad (44/m) called me (16/f) fat in the middle of Costco... Not sure how to handle this.
POST: So today, I went out on errands with my parents.
Everything was going fine, I had gotten a new book, we were planning to go to a movie, and had decided to go to Costco to kill time. At Costco, my mom (43/F) and dad(44/M) got hot dogs and I(16/F) got a slice of cheese pizza. We enter Costco:
1. A little into Costco, my mom bumps into me because I had to stop suddenly and dropped her hot dog on the ground, forcing her to throw it away. My dad instantly blames it on me.
2. After offering the 95% left of my pizza to my mother and having her decline my offer, I continued to walk around Costco with them, taking small nibbles of my pizza since I was still full from the breakfast I cooked for myself. My dad pulls out a thing of flashlights in preparation for Idyllwild and walks by me. He notes that I still have a lot of pizza left and asks, "Are you gonna finish that so you can take some of the heavy load?" I didn't respond since I was chewing my last nibble of pizza. He continues walking and says, over his shoulder, "Actually, I hope you DON'T finish that."
My father just called me fat in the middle of Costco.
I looked down at my pizza for a minute, then pivoted on my heel and threw the last of it in the trashcan along with my Coke. Holding back my tears, I walked to the bathroom, where I locked myself in a stall and bawled my eyes out.
His excuse? "What? It's the truth, and I don't care."
I don't know what to do or even what to think? The only thing I've determined is to stop eating.
TL;DR: | My father decided it would be perfectly okay to call his teenage daughter fat in the middle of Costco. Not sure what to do or think. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I [19 M/F] talk to someone else [17 F] about a previous breakup
POST: About 3-4 months ago my girlfriend of 3+ years and I broke up. My life has been an emotional mess since then. Including me calling her crying and even more recently, she started calling me and begging for me back. I try really hard to cut off contact with her and it hasn't been easy. But I know I won't ever fully get over the relationship unless we are both out of each others lives.
I constantly feel lonely and try to talk to my good friends (all guys) about it but they just laugh and act like I'm being a huge pussy. I have another good friend who is a girl and a couple years younger than me. I want to talk to her about the breakup so badly just so I have someone more compassionate to confide in.
I'm not worried about her getting annoyed hearing about my problems cause I have listened to hers many of times. My main concern is that since I am still emotionally unstable from the breakup, it might not be a good idea to have to depend on another female to help me through this(Even though I am not looking for a relationship). On the other hand, I have a feeling that if I open up to another girl about my problems it might make me feel more secure about myself and allow me to move on.
I always felt like girls had it easier in breakups because they have friends that will listen to their venting while guys simply don't give a shit. If anyone one has been in a similar situation or has any advice, please let me know.
TL;DR: | I'm still a mess after a breakup. Can I talk to female friends about my problems without using them to fill my emotional void? |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: Girl telling me things on our second date, probably over thinking things as usual, still want advice
POST: Friday I went out to lunch with a girl(20f) I'm(21m) interested in. Somehow during the conversation the topic of friend zone came up. She preceded to tell me she wants to be up front with guys but she thinks the friend zone is stupid. She then told me that she just wants to be friends right now. Before I could say anything she then told me that's because she believes for her to date anyone she needs to know said person for 6 months, which then I told her I agree because we first met on valentines day for a blind date. To me that sounded like she is interested in me but wants to get to know me better before we take it to the next level. But what do you think?
Then my final question, I was telling her how I am going to south Korea in a few weeks for a vacation, she then told me how she would love an authentic Korean kimono,(we know its not what they are called but she couldn't think of the name.) Is that just a statement or like if you want to buy me one I'd be really happy kind of thing. I'm new at this whole dating thing,I'm 21 and have always been afraid to ask girls out but she makes me want to break out of my Shell, so I don't want to weird out our friendship by buying her said dress or whatever
TL;DR: | girl said she doesn't want to get serious with me until we've known each other for 6 months. And said she would love an authentic Korean dress. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [28F] with my BF [26 M] , has mentioned giving me an heirloom ring when he proposes. Am I being unappreciative if I don't like/want it?
POST: Let me start off by saying that money is not an issue, me and my boyfriend are very financially stable and do very well for ourselves.
Basically my boyfriend has mentioned on several occasions that when he proposes, he is going to propose with his grandmothers ring which is an emerald ring.
This apparently means a lot to my boyfriend, but I hate emeralds, and it would mean a lot for my boyfriend to pick out a ring for me. Like I said, its not an issue of money. He's not being cheap and he could afford any ring he desired.
I feel like if I have to wear a ring for the rest of my life, I would want it to be something that I love and has meaning to me.
What should I do?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend keeps mentioning proposing to me with his grandmas heirloom ring. Ring is ugly and it means more to me for him to pick one out for me. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [M16] am not sure how to react to F[just turned 14] showing interest to me
POST: Hey, i am a 16 year old guy from Switzerland.
On silvester me and a friend met two of his friends [f].
We spent most of the evening together as a group of 10, said goodbye and in figured that was it.
A few days later one of the femalf friends asked my friend if i would join them for an activity. He mocked her by saying shes into me as a joke, which she didnt denie.
On one ocassion i told my friend the girl might be too young, which he texted her when she asked if i would come. She asked him if my attitude could be changed.
My problem is that i turned 16 in august and she will turn 14 in a few days. Im just not sure if i should go for it. Ive only had one relationship in the past, so of course it would be kind of nice you know? Imo she is pretty and kind of developed for a 14y old, but i have not talked to her a whole lot.
According to my friend, who kind of arranged this by telling her my statement about her maybe being too young is not that huge of a hinderance, the girl will message me within the next few days, and i honestly have no idea to handle that either.
TL;DR: | im 16 and a barely 14 year old girl likes me and will probably message me soon, i only have little experience with women, not sure what to do or how to reply |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Recommendation for a birthday gift for my Mom who we didn't expect to make it to 60 years old.
POST: Here's a bit of background.
::Also, here's a picture of my Mom and I during the Groom & Mother of the Groom dance when I got married on June 18th, 2011::
In 2006 my mom was hospitalized with a very rare disease called Primary Pulmonary Hypertension. There is no cure for this disease -- and the best way I can explain is that the blood vessels in her lungs are so closed off that they cannot (without medication) provide oxygen to the rest of the body. They major side effect of this is that the heart will pump extra hard to provide oxygen to the rest of the body -- which slowly enlarges and kills the heart. My mom has been in the CICU 3 times since 2006 and has always bounced back -- her medication that helps her lungs is close to $20,000 a month (it's a pump that provides medication through her body). The outlook for this disease is very grim -- and the end all is either death (eventually, as it wears out the body) or an attempt at a lung and heart transplant (which is just as dangerous). I've had plenty of time to think of something special I could get for her for her birthday, as we never ever thought she would make it this far, but she is far stronger than I, and I love her for it. We've pushed her, supported her, and to this day she is still the same loving Mom I remembered her to be. Her birthday is on the 20th so I don't have 'a lot' of time, but I'm willing to do what I can as fast as I can.
TL;DR: | My mom has an incurable terminal disease that she has been fighting since 2006, what do I get her for her 60th birthday as a milestone. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [26 F] with my ex-boyfriend [39 M] of 7 months: how do you move on from a breakup when there wasn't really anything wrong?
POST: We've been friends for about a year and a half, became close fairly quickly, and started dating about 6 months into knowing each other. 4 months later he moved 12 hours away under financial duress, saying he wanted to come back because of me. We tried to do long-distance for about 3 months, but about a month ago he said he didn't want to continue anymore, mainly because he doesn't know what he'll be doing moving forward professionally, where he'll be living, probably won't be moving back, and feels disconnected with only phone calls and monthly visits.
Now I know there are things about this that sound questionable. First off our extreme age difference, which in this case was never an issue except on paper. Second that we were only dating 4 months at the point he moved: but we had already developed a very strong friendship and the relationship was extremely easy, joyful, tender, and natural; it was just good. Not perfect - but good, and the kinks would likely have ironed out. Third that whether or not someone can vocalize a reason, if he's willing to leave the relationship it must not have been worthwhile enough, and that's problem enough. I don't know about that. We both cried and waffled on saying goodbye and he claimed it was very difficult. Over the course of a month after the breakup, whenever we tried to say 'no talking for X time' neither of us could make it a week without breaking the moratorium and calling.
I'm having a really hard time letting go of this because I feel like it was a really good thing cut short by circumstance alone. He's one of my best friends and I don't know whether to stay in touch or cut contact. I keep fantasizing about sleeping next to him. I don't want to move on, I want to find a way! But another part of me knows this is impossible. So what do I do?
TL;DR: | I'm having a hard time moving on from a really good but somewhat short (7 mo.) relationship that ended under the circumstances of long-distance. What advice can you offer? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (25/M) want to become engage with my girlfriend (24/F) but crossing some roadblocks
POST: My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years.
I am ready to buy a ring and be engaged after she's been hinting it for a while now. She is Fujianese and I am Cantonese.
In her Fujianese culture, the sons gets everything. That means her brothers will inherit the house, a rental house, (he already got a lexus car), and whatever antiques or money the family has while the daughter will get basically nothing.
Because of this she's been pressuring me on asking my parents for help to pay for wedding and/or a house. I told her my dad doesn't work and both my brothers still have to go through college so them having money to pay for our stuff is tough.
To make matters worse, she told me in her culture my parents (Or me?) are supposed to give a huge dowry to her parents (Like gold or large sums of cash worth 20-30K$) which we obviously cannot just shell out.
I currently work and have only 8,000$ in savings making 50K/yr.
but even then I disagree with what she said. She even went on to say "Cantonese people are white-washed because you were colonized by Great Britian" so your mentality is different. Granted my parents are upper middle class (parents both were computer engineers/programmers) while her family is lower middle class (her parents own a chinese take out) so I think the concept of money has a different meaning to her. I told her we live in 2015, not 1970 so her "tradition" to give dowry and inheritances doesn't apply.
Her family are very isolated from society. They have limited social interactions with other people since they work all the time and because of this their "views" are very outdated
I'm about to give her an ultimatum before I make a huge mistake in the future. Any insights/suggestions, advice on what I can do?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend wants to get engage, pressuring me to ask money from parents to pay for wedding/ house which my parents do not have. About to give her ultimatum |
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