input
stringlengths 14
138
| instruction
stringlengths 19
2.7k
| output
stringlengths 10
5.5k
|
|---|---|---|
Is it unethical to have a relationship with a fellow counselor? | Does this go against any ethical codes? Are there legal ramifications? | Generally, the ethical codes only prohibit relationships with clients. There are however a few types of counselor-to-counselor relationships that are prohibited by the ethics codes. Such prohibited relationships include those between supervisors and supervisees; between professors and students; or any time the relationship might negatively impact your (or their) clients. Lastly, some workplaces have rules against dating coworkers. It would be a good idea to check if there is such a rule that applies to you. |
I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not? | Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? | As in Matthew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” although I minister in interfaith Jesus also mentions about how he lives within all of us. As in the beginning when the solar system was created in dark matter. We are created in the image of to better understand ourselves. Your soul journey the date and time life breathed into your physical part while understand that we animate the physical. Faith and belief is a choice. Suggestion : Order a life path report. It helps you learn more about You. Educate and seek spiritual advisors to help you connect to the spirit. Talking about it helps. |
I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not? | Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? | Since no one can prove that there is a higher power (meaning we cannot observe "God" with our senses), the decision to believe is a choice you make. When something can't be proven true, you get to choose what belief system works best for you. Some questions to reflect on might be:1.) What does "God" even mean? What are the experiences that have shaped your perception of "God?" Are there any other ways to think of it?2.) What turns you on or off to the idea of God? And remember that there is a difference between religion and spirituality. You do not have to be religious to believe in God.3.) How might your life look if you truly believed there was a higher power/God? How might that be beneficial? Why wouldn't you believe (what is there to lose)?4.) How might your life look if you chose not to believe in any higher power? Is there anything you might lose? What would you gain?5.) How do you cope with things that are outside of your control and don't make sense? How do you cope with the idea of death and tragedy?If you decide that you would like to cultivate a belief in God, then there are ways you can strengthen this belief (some doubt and questioning is always normal). Something you could do to strengthen your belief is to look for ways that it fits into your life. Look for things that have happened in your life that show you there is something/someone out there looking out for you. Another way to think about God is to think about love. Not in the emotional sense of the word, but in terms of good versus evil, light versus dark, love versus hate. There are some things out there that are clearly evil acts (Christians refer to this as the enemy and sin), but many times something good can be found amidst the bad. As Fred Rogers once said, whenever you see something terrible that happened on the news, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." And as one of my favorite verses from the Bible goes, "Light always overcomes darkness."Remember the answers you're looking for come from within. Just look for the answers you hope to find and they will come to you. |
I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not? | Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? | There are an infinite number of ways to look at this. Spirituality, religion, God, higher power, and many other parts of this discussion mean different things to different people. My question for you is what does "real" actually mean to you? Often, the concept of God has to do with what you believe in. If you ask 1000 different people, you'll probably get almost that many different answers.Consider talking with friends or family about this. I would suggest, though, that you have the discussion initially with people who you trust and who you feel are willing to listen to your questions and beliefs and perhaps offer an opinion without trying to make you believe as they do. You may also consider speaking with a pastor or another religious figure. The local Salvation Army may have a link to a religious or spiritual person that leads nondenominational church services. There may be able to help you to sort through this if your friends and family do not provide a comfortable environment for you related to this discussion.Just a word of caution. In my experience, ideas of religion and spirituality can be lead to very deep discussions with some people who are very strongly connected to what they believe. Some people do not easily separate their own beliefs from those of others. When initiating conversations about this, try first asking whether someone would be comfortable discussing religion or spirituality. A second question may be whether it is okay with this person you are talking to if you have different beliefs or opinions.As far as whether God is real or not, consider trusting yourself and what you learn, feel, and believe as you work through this process. |
I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not? | Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? | Thanks for posting. This is a significant issue for many people and can make us feel helpless; among other emotions due to the uncertainty. You said that, at times, you feel like everyone is lying. Ask yourself some of these questions. What is it that makes you feel so strongly that they are lying? Where is the concrete evidence that they are lying? How could I test my thoughts about this? What if things are not what they seem on the surface? Am I any lesser of a person as a result of this person's behavior or opinion? Our beliefs about ourselves and the people and our world and how we interpret information and experiences have a significant effect on how we feel and how we behave. It is important to objectively challenge the beliefs that contribute to negative emotions. You can start this process by answering some of the above questions. We are unfortunately influenced by what and who we associate with. As it pertains to if God is a lie; be honest with yourself and question your beliefs that tell you that God is or is not real. It may be helpful for you to speak to a preacher or chaplain of some sort and they can help you with a lot of that. Hope this helps at least a little bit. |
I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not? | Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? | The way that I see it is that Humans have always been afraid of life and death, historically we have always tried to understand life, we try to organize it, categorize it, explore it, and we've built up this system, our system and societies system around us to help us define what life and (death) is, this system or way is not real but only a perception of our own value judgements, it is, no matter how you try to argue it, a false system of conditioning, humans have a finite mind and a finite mind cannot ever hope to understand an infinite mind of which a god would be. God has been developed over time as a security blanket for our child-like selves, the world is a beautifully brutal place and what is more reassuring than a master that will take care of us and show us the way. On Earth alone there are thousands of gods and even many more systems of thought, economics, societal structures and so on, it is almost as though it were a supermarket with so many choices, we have more choices in gods than we do flavors of ice cream at Baskin-Robbins, so then I ask you, "which one is real?, and "what is real?" |
I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not? | Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? | It is not a stupid question, it is very basic. To help answer your question, let me begin with the premise that you will never have absolute proof. With that being said, one can look at different phenomena in nature and history and figure what is the statistical probability that they happened randomly. If one comes to the logical conclusion that many are quite improbable, then there must be a guiding force and plan. May you be successful in your journey. |
I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not? | Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? | Your question is actually thoughtful and reflects a true interest to know more about life.No one knows if god is a lie because "god" is a concept in which people either make up their own definition of this concept, or believe one of the concepts of what god is, handed down by religions.All the religions exclude the other god concepts, and expect loyalty to believing in their particular version of "god".Probably god is real in the sense that most people want to believe there is guided purpose to what goes on in life.This is as definite as what we can know about "god"."God" is not a lie because it is not a fact. Beliefs aren't provable. |
I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not? | Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? | Believing in God is a matter of faith. There are many opinions out there for and against God’s existence. But the real question is not if God is real or not, but, do you want to have faith and decide that he exists? This is a personal choice. Reading scripture may help to learn more about those who struggle with believing, but again, you decide if you believe that scripture is true or not. Praying and asking for a revelation or a confirmation may help as well, but again it is another act of faith. Estoy teniendo dificultad con la idea de: ¿Dios es real o no?Tal vez es una pregunta estúpida, pero algunas veces no sé que es real o no. Siento que todo el mundo miente. ¿Cómo se si Dios es una de esas mentiras?Creer en Dios es una cuestión de fe. Hay muchas opiniones en favor y en contra de la existencia de Dios. Pero la verdadera pregunta no es si Dios existe, pero si tu quieres creer que existe. Esto es una decisión muy individual. Leer la Biblia te puede ayudar a conocer sobre algunas personas que han dudado, pero de nuevo, tu decides si las escrituras son reales para ti. Orar y pedir una revelación o confirmación es otro acto de fe, que te puede ayudar. |
How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | Seek deliverance from parts of your past you’re struggling to let go. Ask the Holy Spirit or Higher Power to help you mentally take those past experiences and lay them in trust at the foot of the cross for Jesus to handle. Acknowledge that holding onto the past is sin because it keeps you from obeying God’s call to move on. As you will see in the two verses I will list below, Jesus and the apostle Paul are telling us that we have to learn how to let go of our past. Jesus says that anyone who is trying to move forward in his walk and call for God – but keeps looking back – is not fit for the kingdom of God. But loves you and you are a child of the most high and it is time to cleanse and strip away this resentment. There are energy medicine and EFT exercises that I could show you. I will send him some positive vibes 🙌✨ |
How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | Investigating how holding on to the past serves him and working to forgive the past, even grieve what could have been, while embracing the future. He could if he is open to it see a therapist. Perhaps he can rewrite (symbolically) the past and project a more positive stance or feeling towards it. |
How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | Although it is difficult to move forward from past regrets, it is important for the health of your relationship that you find a way to reconcile this. A conversation with your fiance that focuses on what is good in your relationship and what makes it worth fighting for can help as a launching point for digging into the wounds from past choices/decisions. You cannot undo what has been done, and if both of you have past regrets let this be something that you begin to share with one another in a spirit of transparency. Healing begins when you can be honest with one another about your feelings and ask one another what is needed to move forward. If you are part of a church seek fellowship with other believers who will support you individually and as a couple. Reflect back on what your Christian background taught about God's forgiveness, what does that mean to you and to your fiance? Trust and commitment are essential in any dating/marital relationship. If your fiance is feeling insecure as a result of your past, help him to feel more secure by ensuring him of your love and commitment to him and the relationship. Consider pre-marital counseling as well if you have not already done so. It will give you and your fiance a safe place to process this further and build a solid foundation for your relationship as you move towards marriage. I hope that you and your fiance will find healing as you work through this and God's peace in your future together. |
How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | Our actions unfortunately cannot be undone, and we all do things we regret. It is sometimes very hard for others to see past our worst behaviors and trying to force them to move forward or "get over them" doesn't usually work. Your fiance is probably grieving the losses and consequences that come with what have happened. I know that may be hard to understand, but desired a virgin for a wife, then he has to grieve the loss of that dream coming true. Also, if he is struggling with you having had sex with another person before, then he will need he may not be able to accept that. All of that to say, as a counselor who helps people everyday with sexual, relational and spiritual issues, I believe it may be helpful for you to help him grieve and connect with the tragedy of your past. Grieve with him. Let him know that you hurt too and wish you could have provided that for him. Listen to his heart and allow him to speak his pain. And after that, ask him to pray with you and do devotions with you. Encourage him to see a therapist. If ya'll are Christians, there are Christian therapists who can help him uncover the blocks that may be hindering him from moving forward. |
How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | For you and your fiance to move past this, he needs to accept you just the way you are. Being that you mentioned that you both come from a Christian background, maybe you could start there, he needs to forgive and trust your love for him. His insecurities stem from something bigger than you not being a virgin. Since this is the man, you are willing to spend the rest of your life with, be patient and help him find the help he needs. Talk about your commitment to him and reassure him that your history does not have to affect your relationship. Lastly, Pre-Marital Counseling can help you and him to open up about other things that might affect the marriage later.God Bless You Both, Mirella~ |
How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | You might ask your fiance about people who have let him down in the past; past hurts from parents, friends, people he has dated. If you are speaking about jealousy he may come from a divorced parent upbringing, may have seen parents cheat on one or the other, may have had partners cheat on him in the past. He may have fears that you may go off the "straight and narrow" once you get married. Listen to any concerns with patience and understanding, avoid being defensive. I would highly encourage pre-marital counseling to explore these things and individual counseling for himself to work on fears and anxieties. If he refuses and things do not improve I would consider postponing the wedding, things will not get better once you get married, only magnified. Finally show him Bible passages about forgiveness and worry and leaning on God with faith and hope for the future. God bless. |
How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | You are right that his insecurities are at the root of the issue. You cannot change that for him. He will have to do the work to handle those emotions on his own. What you can do is reassure him in whatever ways possible, but always recognizing that you can't "fix" this for him. When I work with people who struggle with their partner's past experiences, I always frame it like this: Everything that you've experienced has resulted in you being the person you are today. The person they claim to love. If you had not gone through some of those experiences, you would not be in the position you're in now, ready to commit to him and know that you're satisfied with that. Just as when bad things happen to us, we have to find a way to appreciate the lessons learned your fiance has to accept that you're the person you are today because of what you have gone through. Celebrate that you have moved through that and have landed in this perfect position with him!Hope that helps, Allison |
How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | This suffering and clinging to the past, especially a troubled past or a past that we dont like, may be amplified due to the Christian framework that may be built into your life. I am not averse to religion, i just think that many times it puts unreasonable expectations on us and helps us to form a guilt complex or perhaps even insecurities, we are humans and humans make mistakes. you mention the straight and narrow, this is a notion that you must give up on and let go, humans can never travel the straight and narrow for their whole lives there are bounds to be mistakes, we are the most fallible species on the planet and please tell your fiance to have some mercy on himself, he is not perfect. Here is a story about clinging on to things you may find useful to mediate on:Once
there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal
river. The current of the river swept silently over them all -- young and
old, rich and poor, good and evil -- the current going its own way, knowing
only its own crystal self.
Each creature in its own
manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging
was their way of life, and resisting the current was what each had learned
from birth.
But one creature said
at last, "I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes,
I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let
it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom."
The other creatures laughed
and said, "Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled
and smashed against the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!"
But the one heeded them
not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed
by the current across the rocks.
Yet in time, as the creature
refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and
he was bruised and hurt no more.
And the creatures downstream,
to whom he was a stranger, cried, "See a miracle! A creature like ourselves,
yet he flies! See the messiah, come to save us all!"
And the one carried in
the current said, "I am no more messiah than you. The river delights to
lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this
adventure."
But they cried the more,
"Savior!" all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again
he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a savior. |
How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | Your patience with his pace of accepting your past, is the factor most in your control in this situation.Everyone accepts a new understanding at their own particular rate. Yours may be faster than his pace.Since it is possible he may accelerate his pace of accepting your past if he knows that this is a priority for you, tell him about your own discomfort .Even if knowing how you feel does not motivate him to a quicker pace of accepting your past, you will have the peace of mind to know you gave him all the information you possibly had to give. |
How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | Sometimes we have difficulty keeping the past in the past. The best way to build a great relationship and have a great future, believe it or not, is to be firmly placed in the present. That means that when we stay in the moment with our partner and can notice what we are experiencing in the here and now we reap the best benefits of that relationship. We notice the good things that are happening in the moment. We are reacting to what we are experiencing in the moment, not reacting to a worry about the past. We notice, especially, who the person is right now and not who they were in the past. We can connect with the things we love about them, too.I think it is great that you want to help him and the choice to stay in the present and move forward in the relationship will mostly be up to him. We cannot change another person. It sounds like couples counseling might be a great step for you because you can both learn the skills you need to stay in the present and also learn some helpful "active listening" skills so that you can really listen to one another and understand each other. Communication skills can really be helpful. You can both have the opportunity to hear each other and support each other. We cannot change the past, but we can create the future we want.Best of luck to you both! |
How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | One of the sometimes difficult things about being in a relationship is the fact that you can make goals for yourself, but you can't make goals for your partner. If your fiancé wants to learn to live more in the present and learn to let go of the past or move in a different direction, you can certainly assist him, but you can't independently make it happen.I wonder if both of you would be willing to have a discussion where he is able to explain to you what he is experiencing and you are able to listen for five, 10, 15 minutes in a way that is not blaming or pointing fingers or asking him to change, but just listening (kind of like an investigative reporter) so you can have more details and ask questions that you may have about what certain things mean, when it feels like to to him when this is discussed, etc. At that point, maybe he would willing to listen to your thoughts on the subject as well.Also, if he wants to make a change, it may be helpful to see a therapist who specializes in working with couples. Sometimes changes such as these require a great deal of personal awareness and there can be quite a bit of emotions attached, so it is often helpful to have someone there to assist.It may also be nice to have a discussion where you consider what makes you feel valued, appreciated, special, or loved, and also consider what makes your fiancé feel that way. |
I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion | I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? | I'm so sorry to hear that you don't feel as though your family would support you in embracing your true self. Because this is a very complex situation, I would encourage you to reach out to a local therapist who specializes in treating LGBTQ+ clients. An experienced therapist can help you to explore your feelings around your gender identity and assist in facilitating a discussion with your family or help you prepare to have that conversation on your own. I would also encourage you to contact national and local resources that can be tremendous sources of support. These include the following:GLBT National Youth Talkline - 1-800-246-7743Trans Lifeline - 1-877-656-8860Trevor LIfeline, TrevorChat, TrevorText - Text CHAT to 678-678 or call 1-866-488-7386At the end of the day, there is the family we are born with and the family that we choose. Give your family a chance, but if they refuse to accept you, know that there are people in this world who will appreciate you, validate you, and love you for who you are! |
I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion | I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? | I encourage you to reach out to a counselor and get support. They can help you navigate your own feelings, and talk to you about how you can talk to your family. There are resources for you and for them and I see that some of the other counselors here have shared those resources with you. We don't know for sure how your family will react if and when you talk to them. However, it is important to consider how not telling them is limiting your life and the expression of your preferred gender. My concern is for you and how this might be having an impact on you. Working with a therapist might give you some insights into how you might tell your family. It might create an opportunity for you to also tell them with the assistance of a professional. Ultimately, you know what is best for you and telling them is your decision, and I encourage you to weigh out all the options with a therapist. I wish you the best of luck. |
I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion | I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? | No religion stops a person from being themselves. Gender is self-identified and not the one assigned at birth. Few families need sensitiation program for them to understand that their child is perfectly normal and gender dysphoria or gender incongruence is normal. |
I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion | I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? | If you want to get some help in how to navigate what you want to do, contact a therapist and schedule sessions so that they can create a space to explore your choices. |
I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion | I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? | It’s painful to want to be what you are actually. God loves you. Despite your religious beliefs you need to be tru to yourself. Talk to a common high that you can relate to. Be you. |
I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion | I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? | Hello, This is a really tough question and there are no easy answers to this, however, I can recommend that first of foremost, it is important that you learn to accept yourself. This is easier said than done, and I can acknowledge and validate that sentiment. All to well, I have worked with clients such as yourself who struggle to learn how to accept themselves in the face of what appears to be insurmountable obstacles. Nevertheless, it is POSSIBLE! It begins with finding a good counselor who can walk with you through this journey to self-acceptance. I cannot and neither can anyone guarantee that your family will change and accept you (although I have seen in my work with clients like yourself where the family has moved from intolerance to tolerance with the ultimate goal of acceptance), it does not mean that some change is possible. As stated earlier, I highly recommend that you talk with a counselor, psychologist, psychotherapist, etc. who specializes in this area. |
I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion | I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? | I understand that this must be a difficult time for you with
many adjustments. If you feel comfortable enough to ask your parents to see a
Life Coach or a therapist, this may be an excellent place to start. You don’t
need to tell them the reason why maybe say that you simply need someone to talk
to for support with school or homework etc. The Life Coach or therapist would
be the optimal person to advise you on how to proceed with providing support
and guidance. There may be someone at your school whom you could talk to for
confidential support and guidance as well. Be confident in the fact that you
are not alone and there are always responsible adults available to guide you
through any difficult process you may experience in life. Talking to family
about personal issues can be difficult for anyone, even adults. I recommend
getting help from a trusted, professional adult before you decide what to do. |
I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion | I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? | Desire to inhabit the opposite sex's body derives from too fast of a re-entry into a new (feminine) body, after being released in a previous life, from an old (masculine) body.You remember the previous life's connection with the masculine experience and body, and wish to find a way to be more comfortable.We will approach this matter, spiritually, and I reckon you'll feel a great deal better :) |
I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion | I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? | It is really important for you to be comfortable with your identity. With that said, it is also so important for you to be safe. It may be helpful for you to find supports (in your life, community, or online) that you can talk about how you feel and potentially gain supportive persons if your family does not accept you. It will be really important to connect with others and even a counselor to help you. |
I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion | I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? | Chances are your family already knows, they are probably just waiting on confirmation from you to say it. A parent knows their child. |
I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion | I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? | Spirituality for those in the LGBTQ community can be one of the more difficult roads. Unfortunately, many unjustly ostracize members of the LGBTQ community away from faith and spirituality. I believe that folks can embrace the identity that is genuine to them, and still maintain their spiritual beliefs! Briefly, the keys are to first monitor how we allow those in our life to influence our thoughts and emotions. We need to create standards and boundaries to protect ourselves. We also need to not project the judgment of other people onto our individual spiritual beliefs! There are many ways in which to tackle this effort! |
I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion | I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? | Ultimately, to suppress your natural identity will work against you.However difficult, painful, frightening, it is to tell your family about your discovery about who you are, trying to avoid your own truth will do you harm eventually.One way to make this conversation easier for yourself is to prepare yourself for the outcomes you expect and know will be difficult.Take as much time as you need to accept the potential rejection because this way iff and when it comes you will be better able to handle it. |
I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion | I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? | First of all, I want to say, I am so sorry you are not feeling accepted by your family. I know how isolating and lonely this can be. The most important step you can take right now is building a community of supportive people who do accept you. Creating your own sense of community is very powerful for helping you love yourself. If you can find a trans support or LGBTQ support group in your area, I recommend seeking that out right away through your local LGBTQ center or PFLAG. If you don’t have access to that, I recommend calling Trans Lifeline US: 877-565-8860 Canada: 877-330-6366 https://www.translifeline.org/. You can talk to other trans-identified people anonymously for support, calling them from wherever you feel safe. This is a great way to begin to connect with other people who have similar experiences to you. Next, think of this time in your life as your time to explore your gender identity, just for yourself. Make room to explore you gender identity in ways that are private and comfortable for you. Consider reading a book like: https://www.newharbinger.com/queer-and-transgender-resilience-workbook to explore who you are and build resilience. Also, consider learning about other religions that are accepting of LGBTQ folks for another perspective - there are many out there! Once you feel you have a strong support system outside of your family and a positive sense of self-love (which can take time, be patient, don’t rush it), then you can consider what action steps you want to take with your family. If you are still living with your family or financially depend on them, having other supports in place first is very important. It’s a very personal choice how you want to navigate your family relationships, talk it through in-depth with a trusted friend, other trans folks, or therapist to help you decide what’s right for you.And remember, there are tons of people out there who will love and accept you. We are rooting for you!In solidarity,-Lindsey |
How do I find myself? | I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | What exactly is it that you are looking for? Different people define themselves in different ways. For example, one person may define himself by his values and morals while another identifies herself by her personality and characteristics. Still, another person may define himself by his interests and hobbies. Learning who you are as a person can take time and life experience. At the same time, who you are may change according to what experiences you have had and how you have dealt with them or felt about them. Try viewing the journey of finding yourself as exciting and ongoing. Allow yourself to feel emotions and learn how they relate to the experiences you have. This may help you to know more about what you value, what you like and dislike, and what you want for yourself in life. Best of luck to you! |
How do I find myself? | I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | This is perhaps the deepest question that one can ask of themselves and the answer is as elusive as the deepest enigma. We are fluid beings, we are never the same from day to day, we learn or unlearn, we evolve or some of us even devolve, we are in a state of constant flux, changing and adapting, like a cloud in the sky that has its shape changed by the wind, life whittles us away and carves us constantly, trying to understand this question is like trying to bite your own teeth, however we can have a sense of what we would call our core and to understand the core, we need to live and to experience, but also to think deeply, analytically, and critically, by engaging with life we get a sense that we are like the Earth itself, inside of us there is a core, just as there is inside our planet but our continents shift and change over time, like those continents so does our own nature shift throughout our lives. |
How do I find myself? | I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | Because you put this under the category of spirituality, I'm not sure whether you are asking how you find yourself as far as religious or spiritual beliefs or overall.If you are talking about learning more about religious or spirituality, consider either going to or speaking with someone who is involved with a nondenominational church service (the Salvation Army usually has something) so you can discuss questions or ideas that you may have.As far as finding yourself in general, I suggest considering what makes you happy and/or comfortable. I also wonder if looking at the list of values here may be helpful to you: http://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/values-clarification |
How do I find myself? | I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | This quiet wonder that you have is something you can easily explore. There is a part of you that you can access anytime, anywhere. It is the part that has always been with you. Find a quiet place where you can be alone for a while and get comfortable. Settle in. Let your thoughts go by like a river. Stay with that connection for a while. What you find in the silence is yours alone, your "you". |
How do I find myself? | I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | The older I get, the more I believe that our real task isn't to 'find' ourselves. We're already 100% "there." What we do have to do is become more mindful of the times when we feel the most alive, most happy, most creative, and most fully engaged with life. It is in those moments that we find ourselves.For example, I couldn't help loving the people or things I loved, no matter who tried to talk me out of them. All I needed to do was notice when my heart opened and I felt the most alive--not because I was afraid or addicted, but because in those moments, I was in contact with my highest self. On the flip side, I needed to recognize the people and activities that consistently brought out the worst in me--the ones that made me feel controlled, constricted, dishonest, resentful, or afraid--and be honest about them. Mindfulness of "what already is" is the key to finding yourself. Align yourself with the people and activities that matter most to you. Don't let old habits, crappy jobs, or mean-spirited people define you. Just stumble your way forward as best you can, with greater self-awareness followed by affirmative action.. |
How do I find myself? | I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | Three years ago I attended a week long meditation retreat. By the fifth day I noticed I was light headed and felt very strange. I began to realize within my own being an experience of no separation. I would see others at the retreat and smile. I loved them all. I could feel the connection with this awareness I had read about but never truly understood until that moment. I remember understanding all the teachings I had learned throughout my life about a god who existed outside of me. I realized I had all these answeres within my own being and so did everyone else. I began to see everyone as not just capable but powerful loving beings. Since this experience it has been my desire for everyone to become conscious within whatever experience they wish. I do this in many ways. At our studio we combine Mental Health with yoga and meditation as well as nutrition counseling to help people come to their optimal selves. To truly come into a state of "finding yourself," is to start to know and own who you are from a state of solid being. In this there is nothing new under the sun, and it is very simple. I would love to teach you and anyone interested in coming into a state of awake conciousness. The more awake we are the more joyful we are. I live in this state of being and demonstrate it in my daily life. |
How do I find myself? | I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | Therapy may be an effective way for you to get a stronger sense of who you are. A competent therapist will work to create a safe and curious therapeutic relationship in which you can explore your identity. There are also many different exercises which you can do in and out of therapy which you may find helpful in this area as well. |
How do I find myself? | I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | Start by giving yourself enough quiet and time to remember about yourself what feels steady and consistent in your nature and interactions with others.Give yourself the freedom to your interest in having interests. Are you motivated because of competing with others or because an activity itself feels satisfying?If you are able to develop a sense of defining yourself without fear of judging yourself, you will start coming close to knowing who you are. |
How do I find myself? | I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | I'm having the same issue... I think you need to consider your morals and what you really want out of life. If there's something you want to achieve, that's who you are. And you need to put yourself into that and immerse yourself in the purpose of whatever you want. It doesn't matter how small it may seem. If there's nothing you want badly then think about other things. What others want or what you need or what others need. Find something that feels important and commit to it. |
Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me if we had sex as Christians? | I'm a Christian teenage girl, and I have lost my virginity. My boyfriend is a Christian teenager too, but things just got out of hand between us in a sexual manner. I planned to abstain from sex but I guess I wasn't clear about this because I was also tempted and led him on. We continued to have sex. Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me? We're so young, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming of a potential future together. I really do feel like he is in my life for an important reason. I'm incredibly happy for I was able to escape from several abusive relationships because of him. I love him very much. | Having sex with your boyfriend is and was a mistake. Mistakes can be forgiven and you can make amends.But it is not the end of your relationship or God's will for you.Have a serious talk with your guy and get back on track with where you want to be. Talk to a counselor or your priest/pastor. Get someone to be your guide and mentor. Check in with them regularly.Getting back to square one could actually strengthen your relationship.Have a plan for the future where you will not be put into a place of temptation. Group dates, public places and no alone time where temptations might arise.Forgive yourself and move on. |
Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me if we had sex as Christians? | I'm a Christian teenage girl, and I have lost my virginity. My boyfriend is a Christian teenager too, but things just got out of hand between us in a sexual manner. I planned to abstain from sex but I guess I wasn't clear about this because I was also tempted and led him on. We continued to have sex. Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me? We're so young, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming of a potential future together. I really do feel like he is in my life for an important reason. I'm incredibly happy for I was able to escape from several abusive relationships because of him. I love him very much. | I'm not a super religious person... But I can't imagine that if you love him that much and you want him that much, that he wouldn't be the one for you because of something small like that. Sex is an act of love and commitment. If you feel that you want to be with this person for the rest of your life, want to marry them, then why should you have to wait until marriage? If you truly feel that this is the person you want to be with, then why would you need to wait until marriage if you're just showing commitment to each other? |
I'm dating a boy that my religious parents don't like, and I'm having trouble finding my identity | I'm a young adult woman, and I have trouble finding my true identity being at home. This all started when I had a boyfriend about 10 months ago. My boyfriend and I were dating for a couple months and decided to get in to sexual acts. At the time, I was pretty religious, but I let this happen. I don't know why. I felt kind of guilty but mostly because I know my parents wouldn't like it. My parents are very religious—they're Christians. We did things every time he'd come over to my house. We didn't have anything to do at our house, so we would get tempted to do things when we'd watch movies by ourselves.
One day, my parents found out I did this stuff with him because my dad read my messages. As soon as my dad found this out, he told my mom. They were both aggravated. They told me he was just a boy that wanted to get inside my pants. They said he wanted me for sex and he's not a Christian. I took their advice and broke up with him. Once we broke up for about a month, I decided to get back together with him a little after school started. My parents found out eventually, and I decided to not listen this time. I would constantly talk to my boyfriend about what they say about him: how's he's not the right one for me, and God totally forbids him. I would kind of try to break up with him, and then eventually I would just never listen to my parents. They're always yelling at me about how I shouldn't date this boy. I felt too old to listen to them. Now I'm kind of just stuck. Is the real me religious? Have I been brainwashed by him? I don't talk to my parents anymore about him, and my parents think I'm deceiving because of it. They threatened me that if I'm still with him, I can't do track and they won't support me. They've also called me slut, and now they called me basically a devil worshipper. They say my boyfriend is taking me away from my parents. I'm actually very happy with him. They also say I'm living a separate life at home than I am at school. They say they want what's best for me and love me because they adopted me. | What a tough situation you must be in, feeling torn between your parents and someone who is very special to you. I would say the first thing you want to do is (if you haven't already), have a calm reciprocal conversation with your parents, telling them how you feel and letting them know what you need from them. If communication attempts are unsucessful then you will need to make a decision with how you would like to move forward. You, unfortunately, will not be able to change your parent's feelings or opinions but you can agree to disagree on certain matters by keeping them separate from the relationship you have with your parents. It always helps to try and see things from another angle. You might want to, for example, try and understand your parent's perspectives and let them know you understand that they are upset. Validating other's feelings can be very helpful with communicating effectively. Are you living with your parents and do they support you? If so, are you willing to give that up should you decide to not follow their rules? Know that there is nothing wrong with being happy with someone or loving somebody so deeply. Your feelings and actions certainly do not make you brainwashed or a devil worshipper. Not everyone will always approve of the choices we make and sometimes we need to be okay with that. Best of luck to you. |
My son and family has different views about religion. How do I resolve these differences? | In particular during family gatherings (such as funerals), where there are different customs. | I think the best thing you can do is be respectful of each family member's wishes. Although everyone may not agree with one another, the most important thing you can do for each other is to respect their faith and beliefs instead of trying to sway them in a certain direction. There are many families that are united despite their differences. For example, a mother may be Catholic and the father Jewish. By introducing the children to each faith until they are ready to decide for themselves can be beneficial. Also, it's not uncommon for views to change as one ages or faces different life experiences. So don't get too discouraged if your child wants to explore different avenues. Creating a loving and accepting environment is most essential. |
My son and family has different views about religion. How do I resolve these differences? | In particular during family gatherings (such as funerals), where there are different customs. | You have an opportunity, but you haven't described a problem. (Are you creating one?) Many families have various members who have different spiritual beliefs and religious practices. Accepting the idea that those with whom we are close may be different from us is the only way to create a world of peace. This may be a wonderful opportunity to practice tolerance and love. If mutual decisions need to be made in religious contexts, you may also get to practice boundary setting, assertiveness (without aggression), communication skills, and loving kindness. This is a great problem to work through! It is indeed a very spiritual question. Blessings to you all, ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org) |
My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back? | There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
How can I get my life back? | How does holding on to this serve you? Not becoming married to the trauma will be key. Recreating your life and what that means, what you want it to be. Considering who you would be, what would life be like had this not occurred, not letting it usurp your life. Take your power back. Releasing any feelings of resentment, shame, regret. Going as far as to grieve and forgive what could have been and this part of your life history, life story. If you are open you can write a letter saying what you are still feeling and you can choose even to write the response you would love to receive, and then release it by burning it (safely) or throwing it away! It’s a daily practice, to find peace around this. Have you ever considered the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Hot yoga? |
My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back? | There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
How can I get my life back? | Often people with extensive trauma have difficulty talking about it. This lessens the impact of traditional talk therapy and there benefits. There is a helpful therapy called EMDR that is limited in the amount of talking and also has quick benefits for the reduction of symptoms. For those who are in great distress you can also complete EMDR therapy every day if you would like/have the means. This can quicken the recovery time from these distressing life events. |
My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back? | There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
How can I get my life back? | I understand and just so you know you can move forward , Break the glass. In your own time. If this new person is right for you they will stay around . You want someone that can walk the path forward with you in relationships if seeking commitment. If not maybe this person is here to help or if it is reminding you then you need seek answers. Get a tarot reading or a crystal reading find out what is around to help guide you. Talk to a spiritual advisor. ✨🙏 |
My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back? | There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
How can I get my life back? | There is a modality developed by Pia Mellody called "Post induction therapy" (PIT). The work has been continued by Jan Bergstrom who wrote the book: "Gifts From A Challenging Childhood. The premise of the work is that you can "reparent" those wounded parts of you. A quote from Jan's book is, "If it's hysterical, it's historical." I've done this sort of work myself and its been hugely beneficial for my relationship. The idea is when "triggered" by my partner, I'm going to request space and affirm, validate and even love that younger part of myself that's hurting and remind them that I (as the functional adult I am) can handle my partner. Basically, I'm practicing getting in a more centered space and thus, I'm able to be more relational. This is a practice, but the idea is to provide some separation from the trigger and an automatic reaction. You can do it, especially if you love him and he's worth it. |
My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back? | There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
How can I get my life back? | Unresolved issues/ Unresolved past - using Gestalt therapy, one does gets a closure to their unresolved emotions. Try talking to a therapist ! |
My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back? | There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
How can I get my life back? | I would recommend finding an EMDR therapist. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is an integrative psychotherapy approach that has been extensively researched and proven effective for the treatment of trauma. As an EMDR therapist can attest to the massive changes that using EMDR has had for many of the people I have worked with. |
My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back? | There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
How can I get my life back? | Trauma=Trauma Therapy. It's time to stop avoiding what happened and work on it! Brainspotting or EMDR are two very powerful ways to treat Trauma, get into therapy and work on it. Another thing you can do is talk to your partner about it, if you're ready, and hopefully he is ready to love all of you. I would definitely do some Brainspotting and/or Bodyspotting to see where the trauma has been living all this time! Hope this helps! |
My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back? | There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
How can I get my life back? | You are so brave to come out and talk about your trauma! I hope it started helping you with your healing process. I think you have good instinct, often past especially past trauma can hold us back in areas we aren't even aware of since you have spent so much time trying to compensate and feel ok. It's important to continue to seek the right therapist to help you process your trauma, identify triggers and work through them. Once you start doing this hard work you will start to feel better, and it won't affect your life as much as it is today. If you are comfortable I would share what you can with your current partner, even if it's just to say that you have experienced trauma in your past. This way it will help your partner be more empathetic and understand that you are trying to work through it but it will take time. |
My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back? | There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
How can I get my life back? | I'm so sorry that you have been haunted by the past for so long. It must have been incredibly difficult to open up about something so dark and vulnerable. But by shedding light on it you have already taken the first step toward healing. Trauma can wreak havoc on relationships if it isn't healed. In fact, we are all reacting to things every day based on perceptions colored by our past experiences. The good news is, you can heal by gaining an understanding of how trauma from the past is affecting you now, developing healthy coping skills, and working through those memories and emotions with a therapist. This will require some "rewiring of the brain," meaning that you will identify the negative thought patterns and beliefs, and replace them with something more helpful. For example, if your negative reaction feels like "I'm abandoned and alone," you might work on changing it to "I can get my needs met, and I'll be okay regardless." Or if you find yourself feeling like "I'm not worthy of love," you might change that to something like "I deserve to be loved."Most likely, the reason you're pushing this man away is because something about this relationship is triggering negative beliefs and emotions from the past, and your reaction (by pushing him away) protects you in some way even though there may not be any real danger now. You probably know this logically, but trauma gets stuck in our emotional mind which you can't reason with! That's why you have to work through the emotions to be able to see things more clearly from a new and more helpful perspective. I like to think of emotions like clouds that block the sun and make it difficult to see anything clearly. If we ignore and avoid the clouds all the time then we will spend our lives looking at the ground. If you can learn to safely weather the storm, you'll find that before long it will pass and you'll be able to see things clearly again.I recommend working with a therapist who is trained in treating trauma and who you feel comfortable with because they will be able to tailor treatment to your specific needs. You can have the happy life and healthy relationship you desire and deserve! |
My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back? | There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
How can I get my life back? | It may not feel like it, but you are in a great spot! You know what is holding you back! It sounds like you want to deal with your past and find healing, so you can move forward in freedom. Trauma is life-altering and at any age, especially when we are young. Meeting with a counselor who works from a trauma-informed perspective would probably be beneficial, as there can be so many layers to the effects of trauma. More good news: you have met a very loving and caring man! Since he is loving and caring, he most likely will want to support you in healing. Honesty and vulnerability in safe spaces build intimacy; have you considered sharing with him what's behind your distancing behaviors? You may have an ally in your healing just waiting to be allowed in. You are headed in the right direction to get your life back considering therapy. |
My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back? | There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
How can I get my life back? | I'm going to second that it is completely brave of you to share something you kept hidden for over 30 years. That's a HUGE deal!Something awesome about the brain is that it can learn at any time in the human lifespan. No matter how long you have dealt with the affects of trauma, your brain has potential to rewire and change how it operates. This is just my assumption, but it sounds like you are just realizing the impact the trauma has had and is continuing to have on your life. First of all, that's phenomenal information--many people spend their lives blind to these influences and may never get help. On the other hand, it can be super overwhelming to now have all this insight about yourself and not know how to deal with it. It's OK to feel that uncertainty and/or stress about the process--that's totally expected and will most likely feel less powerful the more you move through healing.I understand your fears about pushing away someone you care about and that seems important to you. That's quite a normal behavior as a result of childhood trauma. When we are first learning our relationship to others and the world as children, trauma can teach us that others are unsafe or may hurt us. Almost all my clients have experienced childhood trauma and one of the things we spend time exploring is what they may be trying to protect themselves from by pushing others away. Vulnerability can be scary for everybody, but why specifically is it scary for you? I bet there's a really logical reason!It's unclear how long you've known this man and how connected you feel to him, but could he potentially be a support person for you? If you feel uncomfortable with that, that doesn't mean anything bad. It just means you aren't ready. It's not easy to talk about such hard things. It does seem like you know that you behave in ways that push him away--what would your behavior look like if you didn't? That doesn't mean sharing everything or no boundaries, but meeting him somewhere in the middle. Sometimes the brain needs evidence that being vulnerable doesn't always equate to danger or rejection.As others have noted, a counselor can help if you so choose to go that route. I can't say what your journey will look like, but I already have so much hope for you since you are obviously incredibly courageous and motivated to work to make your life better. If 8 year old you can make it through trauma, then 40 year old you can definitely work through this! |
My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back? | There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
How can I get my life back? | You already are doing that! You are reaching out (virtually still counts!). You are accepting your past, you are not denying what happened to you, you are talking about the past. You are already doing a great job of starting this journey. You get your life back by doing things differently.I would think about how you would like to process your past. Do you want to talk to someone? Do you want to write about it? Do you want to pray about it? Do you want to read and research books about trauma? Take some time and think about what you want to do. Think about what would work for you and dive in. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, so I am biased - but I really believe that counseling works. Having an objective, professional voice that can guide you on this process is so valuable. But please choose what makes you feel comfortable - not what everyone else says. I think you are very brave for reaching out and wanting to work on this. That takes a tremendous amount of courage and strength. |
My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back? | There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
How can I get my life back? | I'm so sorry you had that horrible experience! It's common for those who've experienced childhood trauma(s) to not disclose the events until later in life. Sometimes it doesn't feel safe enough to share the information until the person who hurt them is far away, or even dead. Trusting and vulnerability are difficult, especially when we've been hurt. So, it's not uncommon for clients to share that their desire to be close to their loved one (emotionally, physically and/or sexually) doesn't match the reality of what they are able to actually experience.But, there is hope!You have met a loving and caring man, and you have a self-awareness that you did not experience before. I am confident that the help of a licensed professional counselor (preferably trained in trauma recovery) can help you navigate this healing journey and help you gain the tools needed for the life you want. |
My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back? | There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
How can I get my life back? | Have you explained to your prospective partner about the feeling of vulnerability which you've got?Disclosing one's truth to a trusted person will improve your sense of feeling safe and loved. It may also take off the pressure you feel to complete your own trajectory of making peace with your past burdens of ilife.If you find your possible new partner is patient and understanding, then you've both removed pressure off yourself and will feel validated and loved for speaking your plain truth and finding it well accepted.If you continue to hide your deeper complexity, or if you explain yourself and ask for the person's patience and understanding, and he avoids giving this to you, then you're better off knowing sooner than later the limits of understanding which this potential partner has. |
How do I cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and its triggers? | I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. | Have you tried counseling? Having PTSD from multiple abusive sexual experiences is very overwhelming for one to handle alone. You may need the guidance, experience and support of a professional to identify all the triggers that effect you and obtain the best coping skills that would work for you. |
How do I cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and its triggers? | I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. | Often people with extensive trauma have difficulty talking about it. This lessens the impact of traditional talk therapy and there benefits. There is a helpful therapy called EMDR that is limited in the amount of talking and also has quick benefits for the reduction of symptoms. For those who are in great distress you can also complete EMDR therapy every day if you would like/have the means. This can quicken the recovery time from these distressing life events. |
How do I cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and its triggers? | I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. | When anyone has experienced a traumatic event, triggers can be a normal result. Your brain is wired for survival. When a traumatic event takes place, it can cause your brain to go into a hypervigilant state, thinking that it needs to constantly protect itself. This is not an indication that something is wrong with you. It just means that your brain is doing a really great job of protecting you! Therapy can help you find your "off" switch. |
How do I cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and its triggers? | I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. | Even if the triggers are having a negative impact on your life, it is really insightful of you to be able to identify your triggers. The effects of trauma often impact us, our functioning, and our relationships with other people. It is possible to learn ways to cope with your trauma. Coping skills are not a one size fits all, it is important to find what skill works for what trigger. Therapy will help you process your trauma, identify your thoughts and feelings, teach you coping skills, and help you enhance your personal safety. |
How do I cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and its triggers? | I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. | Talking about it stops it from being a secret. It takes courage to have posted your question and that is the first step. Here is an article I wrote a few years back. http://abuseisnotasecret.com/why-abuse-is-not-your-fault/One day at a time. |
How do I cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and its triggers? | I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. | I'm glad you're willing to keep optimistic about life improving and offering better relationships than some of the ones in which you greatly suffered.One suggestion is to develop patience with yourself and the process of regaining your willingness to trust other people.Sexual intimacy engages all of who we truly are. Being cautious as to who and how much you allow someone into your life, is natural for anyone recovering from trauma.Allow yourself to withdraw when situations feel dangerous. Your sense of danger is most likely on higher alert than had you not been victimized.Be attentive and cooperate with your own sense of readiness to engage in conversation, discussions and sex with your partner.Explain all this to your partner so the person can develop their own patience with your recuperation process. |
How do I cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and its triggers? | I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them. | I encourage you to seek out and work with a therapist who specializes in treating complex trauma. Somatic Experiencing, Brainspotting, and Internal Family Systems Therapy are all highly effective treatments for people dealing with complex trauma. If you are interested in reading a book that is supportive and compassionate, Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score is a wonderful book that discusses treatment options in depth. |
How can I cope with the loss of someone I love? | My good childhood friend died suddenly as a teenager. I haven't seen him in four years and haven't talked to him in months yet somehow this hurts me more than I could ever imagine. It's been about three months since his passing, and I'm still not sure how to cope with this. | Often people with extensive trauma have difficulty talking about it. This lessens the impact of traditional talk therapy and there benefits. There is a helpful therapy called EMDR that is limited in the amount of talking and also has quick benefits for the reduction of symptoms. For those who are in great distress you can also complete EMDR therapy every day if you would like/have the means. This can quicken the recovery time from these distressing life events. |
How can I cope with the loss of someone I love? | My good childhood friend died suddenly as a teenager. I haven't seen him in four years and haven't talked to him in months yet somehow this hurts me more than I could ever imagine. It's been about three months since his passing, and I'm still not sure how to cope with this. | Death of someone with whom we had fond involvement, is sad. Accepting that a person is permanently gone from this earth, is unsettling and can feel painful.That you had no current contact with this person doesn't exclude the meaning or feelings from within your relationship with this person. Relationships don't require a time measurement in order to affect us. Your question acknowledges the process of adjusting to life without the chance to see or hear from this person again.It is normal to grieve so be gentle and not critical of yourself when you feel yourself missing this person. |
How can I cope with the loss of someone I love? | My good childhood friend died suddenly as a teenager. I haven't seen him in four years and haven't talked to him in months yet somehow this hurts me more than I could ever imagine. It's been about three months since his passing, and I'm still not sure how to cope with this. | I am truly sorry for your loss.His passing has triggered some uneasy emotions. Do you know what these emotions are as you are trying to cope? Be aware, that "coping" is not processing. Coping means that the problem is always there, and you are "managing" rather than healing. And, as you know, that isn't working.Emotional pain comes in waves, which can also cause physical symptoms of anxiety, frustration, and sadness. Rather than coping (avoiding) your feelings, give yourself time to process them. Invite your feelings in when you feel the wave of emotions. Focus on what is going on physically in your body with compassion and curiosity. This will begin your healing process to bring you a sense of peace.Remember, emotions are messengers that help us develop insight into our psychological (and physiological) wellbeing.Please contact me with any questions or more information.~ Catherine |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | Hi!This is a great question!The term you are looking for is alexithymia, the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. However, just because you are not able to feel or express emotions, does not mean that you do not have emotions.After such a traumatic event that you experienced, your central nervous system goes into defensive mode (dorsal vagal nerves) that protect you from any further harm. What this means is if you were to feel your emotions related to your rape, you would have a sense of being overwhelmed, possibly re-experiencing the traumatic event.Not feeling emotions is your body's way of protecting you from any further trauma. Unfortunately, when the (parasympathetic) dorsal vagal system (shutting down feeling) is activated and suppresses your painful emotions (pain, shame, guilt, sadness, anger), it also shuts down your positive and relational emotions (love, joy, contentment, connectedness, happiness).I am very sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic experience as being raped. No one knows what is going on inside of you as a result. You don't know what is happening to your emotional wellbeing! The best (and at times, difficult and scary) thing is to process your emotions related to your trauma. This processing is done carefully, with a trained counselor, in a place that you feel safe, heard, and not judged. Although the thought of proceedings (addressing) emotions may be anxiety-inducing, it brings on a huge sense of relief and validation.What you are going through is normal, considering what happened to you! I hope you reach out for more help.If you have any questions feel free to contact me, Catherine at clevelandemotionalhealth.com |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | I'm so sorry you've been hurt. It's very normal to stop feeling emotions as a way to protect yourself after experiencing a traumatic event. You can think of it as emotional shock-- you experienced something that was so awful that you have numbed yourself (mind and body) as a way to stop the emotional and physical pain of the event. It's actually pretty amazing that our selves know how to do this automatically. And, I hear you saying that you'd like to get some feeling back now.So here are some ideas for how you can change this:I think it would be a great idea to find an experienced therapist you like and trust and/or a good support group so that you can have some allies as you go through this process. You also could try journaling. If you're not sure what to write then check out this list of prompts to get you started (it's for teachers, but I really like it). There's also art journaling. Pinterest has lots of suggestions.Meditation could be useful. There are lots of apps available that offer guided meditations.Yoga, tai chi, or chi gong might also help.I have lots of other ideas, but without knowing more about you I'm reluctant to make suggestions that could accidentally make you feel worse. IThis protective mechanism of numbing yourself kicked in for a good reason and as you get your feelings back, you may find some pretty challenging reactions coming up. I guess my final piece of advice to is encourage you to trust yourself and gently go at your own pace in your healing. I hope this was helpful. |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | Terrible things do happen in life, and I am sorry to hear about what happened to you. Please rest assured that you are not a sociopath, and that your reactions are normal responses to traumatic events. I'm guessing you are experiencing a sense of numbness, which is a common response to trauma. The best thing you can do is to get some trauma counseling with a professional counselor. As you process your experience, you will be able to feel emotions again. However, the first feelings to come back may be related to trauma, such as fear, panic, and a sense of hyper vigilance. A professional counselor will be able to help you tolerate these feelings, manage them, and heal from your trauma. |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | It’s common to feel numb after a distressing event like this, you are not alone. Often people with extensive trauma have difficulty talking about it. This lessens the impact of traditional talk therapy and there benefits. There is a helpful therapy called EMDR that is limited in the amount of talking and also has quick benefits for the reduction of symptoms. For those who are in great distress you can also complete EMDR therapy every day if you would like/have the means. This can quicken the recovery time from these distressing life events. |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | You have experienced trauma. Feeling detached or having difficulty connecting with your emotions is a common response after experiencing a traumatic event. It is the brain's way of trying to protect us from something that is incredibly overwhelming. I recommend finding an EMDR therapist. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is an integrative psychotherapy approach that has been extensively researched and proven effective for the treatment of trauma. As an EMDR therapist can attest to the massive changes that using EMDR has had for many of the people I have worked with. When we experience a trauma, the sooner we can address it with EMDR, the quicker you will feel relief and the less likely it is to become "stuck" in your long term memory. |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | So believe it or not, this is actually very common. First off, take a deep breath. It does NOT mean that you're a sociopath. All it means is that your brain has shifted into "survival mode" for a time and might need a little support to get back to normal. Our brain can play tricks on us after a trauma. One thing that most people experience is the desire to "push away" or to avoid reminders of the trauma which include feelings of anxiety, guilt, anger, fear, and sometimes shame. And, if you think about it, that's entirely understandable. Who would want to feel those yucky feelings or to be reminded of the trauma? But here is the catch... the more we try to push those unpleasant emotions away, the more we are actually pushing away our ability to experience positive feelings. Emotions such as happiness, excitement, or closeness with loved ones become increasingly difficult to access. MOST trauma survivors will experience this "emotional blunting" and is actually one of the things we look for when giving a diagnosis of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.But there is good news! Specialized trauma therapy using evidence-backed approaches can help us to experience the emotions we're trying to push away in a safe environment. It's like our brain needs to fully "digest" what happened in order to return to emotional balance. There are several approaches that can help you recover after a rape (or other traumas). These might include: Cognitive Processing Therapy Prolonged Exposure TherapyWritten Exposure TherapyEye Movement Desensitization ReprocessingWhen you're considering looking for a therapist, I'd strong encourage you to look for someone trained specifically in one of these approaches. There are mountains of research studies showing that these therapies have the best success rate when recovering from things like rape, a life threatening experience, a natural disaster, or other traumatic experiences. Breathe in, breathe out. You survived and life CAN get better. Trauma therapy is usually time limited (3-4 months) and can help you take your life back. You can do this! |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | The fact that you are concerned shows that you absolutely have emotions about lacking emotions. Seems like you fear that you are becoming a sociopath, and that alone shows you have emotions.It is incredibly normal to feel "numb" after a trauma like rape. The emotional impact of rape can be beyond overwhelming, which the brain responds to by basically suppressing those circuits from awareness. It doesn't mean your emotions don't exist--you brain is just trying to protect you from feeling them. Because our brains aren't great at selectively burying emotions, it tends to take them all at once. So when new, emotionally upsetting events happen, the brain sees allowing any emotion through as a threat to the system, so to speak.Speaking to a counselor could help to process through how you are feeling about lacking emotion. If you search in your area or online for a telehealth therapist, chances are you will find a therapist that has a background in treating trauma that would suit your specific needs. That may mean that they will recommend talking through your trauma, which can seem like a very daunting task; however, the sooner you process through it, the less it has the power to take over your life.It's actually really astonishing that you are reaching out for help and I so hope you are able to find what you need! |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | I don't need to tell you that this is an incredible amount of serious stuff to happen in a short period. When we go through a trauma, it is natural for us to shut down as a way to protect ourselves. A kind of freeze response. Think of a possum or a gazelle. These animals go so far as to physically freeze in protection. Our emotions do the same thing sometimes. We feel shut down and that can be strange---a kind of disconnection. This does not mean that you are sociopath or that your feelings will never come back. The amazing thing though is that as time moves forward we naturally heal and emotions come back. If you feel stuck, seeking counseling is a way to help accelerate this healing and help you work through and begin healing. Wishing you the absolute best! |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | I’m sorry to know this happened to you! This is a normal response to traumatic events. When we are pushed to the extreme and we are unable to escape, we “freeze” which numbs us from pain but disconnects us from our bodies. We oftentimes continue to feel that disconnection until we work through these traumas. I would suggest working through your traumas with a therapist with methods like EMDR, somatic experiencing, yoga therapy, etc to get your emotions and fullness of life back! |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | I am so sorry this has happened to you! I hope you have some people you find emotionally supportive around you! In terms of your question, I understand what you are talking about. Sometimes when a person experiences a traumatic event, an event called Dissociation occurs. Dissociation is the brain's way of temporary creating and increasing "emotional distance" between what is happening and what you are feeling and experiencing. This is a kind of natural coping mechanism, and it can occur just prior to, during, and after an event has occurred. People describe the feeling as being "numb," or detached from others, their surroundings, and even from their own body. All of these descriptions are accurate and they are your brain's attempt to try and keep you safe from emotions that may otherwise overwhelm you. This is good, in the short-term, because you are not having to immediately face and cope with the immensely painful feelings associated with your trauma. But it is also not-so-good in that it also blocks your ability to feel positive and pleasurable emotions. So while your brain is protecting you, it is also preventing feelings you need now more than ever (such as regaining a sense of safety, soothing your hurts, and feeling empowered for your survival).You are not a sociopath, so do not worry about that, but I would strongly recommend that you consider seeing a therapist or other supportive mental health professional to help you work through what is happened. There are ways for you to heal from your experience which will help you get back to a place where you can feel safe enough to "feel" again. It might be an uncomfortable journey, at times, but you are already hurting and your life is being negatively impacted, now. Good therapy sometimes is like pulling out a splinter--it may hurt a bit to dig that sucker out, but once it's out, your body can finally start to heal. It might seem better (and less painful) to leave it alone, and ignore (avoid) it. But you risk INFECTION by your inaction which will be 100 x worse than just digging it out. Best of luck to you!Learn more about me and my practice at www.EMDRheals.com |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | You are describing a very legitimate reaction to trauma. Rape is an aweful experience and I am very sorry that happened to you. When horrible things happen, people often react in a way that interferes with the ability to live a normal life and function the way they did in the past. This is very common and the goal is to help you manage the stress caused by dealing with negative events and with help you can regain emotional well-being. This is especially important if you have had more than one negative thing happen. Oftentimes, the unconscious reaction is to become numb and avoid all feelings, especially if more than one negative event occurred. A big part of what causes people trouble are feelings of guilt. We often blame ourselves when bad things happen. It is actually difficult to comprehend the concept that we don't always have control of what happens in life. In addition, when you mentioned feeling like a sociopath, it sounded like you feel like your reaction is wrong. The first thing you can do is realize that your feelings and reactions are o.k., you aren't doing anything wrong, and nothing is wrong with you. The next step is to start dealing with the impact of these traumatic experiences. Identifying your feelings, and knowing the thoughts and beliefs that are behind those emotions can help you regain your sense of happiness. Research shows that understanding and expressing those thoughts and feelings can help. If doesn't sound like you need to do anything to change yourself, but talking to a counselor can be helpful in managing your reaction to a incredibly traumatic experience. I hope this helps you understand your feelings and can get to a place where you enjoy life. |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | First and foremost, be gentle and patient with yourself. It is normal to feel a range of emotions after a severe trauma including no emotions at all. Try not to push yourself to feel, just notice the lack of emotion you are experiencing right now. Maybe write about your emotions and the lack of them or talk about it with a safe person. Unfortunately recovering from trauma can take time and it's best done at your own pace. If you aren't feeling there may be a reason you aren't feeling. For severe trauma I always recommend working with a trained trauma professional who has the training to guide you on your path to healing fully. |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | Sociopaths don't know they are sociopaths.Clearly, you realize you have pretty deep emotions and have lived through several severely distressing situations.Your sense of self may be protecting for a while until you recover the practical aspects of daily life and feel some sense of predictability and stability in your life.Knowing and feeling disturbing emotions which rupture basic trust that other people are safe, is itself a raw process.Yes, it is possible to become numb emotionally. The good purpose is to protect you from additional hurt.When your inner world feels itself ready, more of your emotions from the recent distressing events will be accessible.If many months pass and you see no progress, then definitely consider a few sessions with a therapist who would be able to guide you to become more open to your feelings. |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | You're not a sociopath - you're traumatized. Shutting off feelings is our brain's automatic way of protecting us when something bad happens and we just can't deal with any more pain. It's temporary - which is both good and bad news, because after the numb goes away and your brain decides you're ready to handle it, you'll feel the emotional pain. My advice is to get a therapist ASAP so you have a safe place and a safe person when that happens.This is a horrible thing that happened to you, but you are not a horrible person. With good therapy you will learn to assimilate this into the rest of your life. You'll never forget, but you won't have the same pain about it .Good luck! You can do this! |
Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions? | I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? | I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you! What you are describing is being in a state of shock. You haven't suddenly become a sociopath - this is a normal reaction to an event that is completely overwhelming. There are most likely too many feelings to feel right now, so your body in its wisdom is shutting them down. You absolutely can recover, and it would be really important to get some trauma counseling with a counselor who feels safe for you to talk with. This is not the kind of situation to try and handle totally on your own. |
PTSD is impacting my whole life | I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back? | Often people with extensive trauma have difficulty talking about it. This lessens the impact of traditional talk therapy and there benefits. There is a helpful therapy called EMDR that is limited in the amount of talking and also has quick benefits for the reduction of symptoms. For those who are in great distress you can also complete EMDR therapy every day if you would like/have the means. This can quicken the recovery time from these distressing life events. |
PTSD is impacting my whole life | I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back? | Sounds like you are really experiencing a rough time. I applaud you for recognizing the need for change. Healing is possible! Find a good therapist you feel safe with who specializes in trauma and PTSD. They will work with you to help you learn healthy coping skills, feel safe in your body again, manage emotions, and improve your relationships. |
PTSD is impacting my whole life | I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back? | Hi there,I can sense the frustration in your post. PTSD can, and often does affect so many aspects of life. There are evidence based treatments for PTSD that can help with some of the side effects. You can learn to identify your triggers, ground yourself and regulate your emotions better for example. It is possible to recover but it will be slow, and it is hard work. It is important to know that. You need to be gentle with yourself. If you don’t have one already, I would suggest trying to find a therapist, depending on where you live, there may be some free or low-cost options available or support groups. Your life may not look the same but it is possible to have life after trauma. |
PTSD is impacting my whole life | I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back? | There's so many treatments for PTSD and trauma-related issues. Your path might look different than what someone else's path looks like, though most people benefit from learning emotional awareness and regulation, increasing tolerance for talking about traumatic situations, and a deep understanding of how to tell the difference between a past vs. present event. A counselor that you feel connected to can offer you a safe place to explore these areas and come up with a personalized treatment plan. It's common to feel worse when you're addressing the tough stuff, but there's really no shortcut to healing. Even if you don't see a counselor, believe in your ability to get through those emotions. You've probably been enduring some intense emotions if your life is being turned upside-down, so you can definitely make it through whatever is causing you pain--and remember you don't have to do it alone.Bessel Van Der Kolk (basically the leading trauma researcher) has an amazing book called 'The Body Keeps the Score'. It's the trauma bible. It's all about how the body reacts to and stores trauma, with many different ways to cope. Trigger warning though--he does share some client stories that involve trauma. They aren't the bulk of his book but they do show up so just be aware of that. You can find his book on amazon pretty cheap.You've already reached out and that's a big part of getting your life back. Keep pushing through! |
PTSD is impacting my whole life | I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back? | This is a great question. PTSD can be very complex and debilitating. It must be very difficult for you at this time.When we feel complex emotions such as anger, frustration, and possibly low-self worth, the tendency is to try to avoid or suppress these emotions. The more you avoid them, the more these emotions will express themselves, and at the worst times. This may be why your PTSD symptoms are harming your relationships and your job status.To help you get your life back, it is important to process your emotions with a counselor that has specific training in trauma-informed interventions. To process emotions, you start by inviting them in, observe them with compassion and without judgment. When we observe our emotions, it starts the healing process because we separate ourselves from them. Remember, thoughts and emotions are constructed. You are not your thoughts, nor your emotions. They are messengers telling you to pay attention to them. The more we avoid the messengers, the louder they get, to the point that they are crippling you in more than one way.I hope this helps you begin your change process. For more information, please here is a link to a trauma post on my blog The Wisdom Room.Please reach out for help. And contact me with any questions.Sincerely~ Catherine ClevelandCleveland Emotional Health |
PTSD is impacting my whole life | I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back? | Your feeling overwhelmed by emotion and finding it difficult to trust people. This can be a really scary feeling. It is a common reaction for individuals who have endured a traumatic experience. Often, the aftermath of a trauma can leave people feeling constantly on guard, panicky, depressed, isolated, and riddled with nightmares and intrusive thoughts of the incident. And while the signs and symptoms can feel complex and at times overwhelming, feeling better is more than possible. Give yourself credit for the courage that it takes to reach out. With trauma therapy, I would expect you will begin feeling better as we implement a compassionate and client-focused evidenced -based approach together. I've helped countless people to gain positive ground over their traumatic experiences in a safe, supportive environment. I offer a variety of evidenced based traditional therapies as well as holistic modalities to best support you on the path to healing. We will work together as allies in your treatment. It would be an honor to work with you. |
PTSD is impacting my whole life | I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back? | Slowly is the rate at which you'll get back your life.Being traumatized means not feeling safe in almost all areas of life.Be patient with yourself as you try to regain trust that people will not harm you and will be sources of satisfaction in your life.It is possible that the trauma in your life requires such great attention on your part to your own inner emotional safety that you are better off with a less intensive job than the one you recently lost.Try to prioritize restoring your emotional and psychological health. With this as the top area of your attention then you may have an easier time to accept a lesser degree of involvement in your work and relationships.When you feel angry, try to examine if underlying the anger are feelings of stress, fear, insecurity regarding your position in relationship to the person toward whom you feel angry. Anger is often the surface reaction to more destabilizing emotions like fear and insecurity.Gradually by nurturing and comforting yourself, living at a pace which is uniquely comfortable to what and how much you can handle, you'll regain your trust in both yourself and relating to others. |
PTSD is impacting my whole life | I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back? | It is brave of you to speak out, PTSD is not a joke and it can quickly take a toll on all aspect of life. Please, know that you are not alone and with the right help you can overcome these challenges. Living with PTSD can be very emotionally exhausting, but you can learn ways to cope with its challenges and find fulfillment in your life again. This means being proactively involved with the process, learning about the problem and positive ways to manage it can be a good start. This can also mean seeking professional help. It is important to address the problem both at the physiological and psychological level, this can mean using medication that is prescribed by a MD to reduce the intensity symptoms and also working with an experienced licensed professional. Having healthy life habits such as good sleep hygiene, healthy diet, staying away from self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, and exercising can help reduce the intensity of the symptoms as well. Please, consult with a licensed professional close to you to get more information on resources you can possibly find helpful to you. |
PTSD is impacting my whole life | I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago. How can I get my life back? | Hi there, I hear you, PTSD has a very debilitating effect on your whole life. I know that from personal experience. Recovering from it is possible and doable! First is step is to acknowledge to yourself that your PTSD symptoms are a normal reaction to an abnormal and traumatic event. The nightmares, the anxiety, the heightened startle response - are all typical human responses following exposure to a frightening event. It's important that you don't blame yourself or your body for reacting this way, rather approach yourself with compassion and kindness that you would extend a friend who is hurting. The second step is to start taking steps towards healing. I would really encourage you to see a counselor or therapist specializing in trauma recovery so that you have a guided, step by step support. But if this is not an option, you can begin your healing on your own using a step-by-step approach outlined in the book, Healing Trauma, by Peter Levin. It's a very hands-on book and even comes with a CD audio guide. It has concrete exercises that you can do to help you eliminate dissociation, feel grounded, and decrease your anxiety response. I have used myself and with my clients with great success! You can begin your recovery journey now with this video with Peter Levin's approach to Trauma Recovery: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmJDkzDMllcOne last thing, I suggest consulting with a nutritionist or a doctor to help you boost your healing with supplements, vitamins, and minerals. The stress from PTSD is very draining on the body, and you use up a lot of energy and resources, so at times of trauma supplements are quite necessary for recovery (Magnesium, Omega 3, Zinc, Vitamin C....etc) |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship | I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. | Ending an abusive relationship is often very difficult, especially if you were very close initially without the presence of abuse. If the abuse included verbal or psychological condemnation, you will often have a negative self-image that you may "know" is not true but often feels very true. This negative self-image and fear of being abused again can activate protections in you that were needed at the time you were abused but now create a "wall" in your current relationship. The fact that you were able to end the relationship and know that you made the right decision is a great acknowledgement that you have solid internal resources to draw upon in healing from the abuse. Good for you!Nightmares and flashbacks are a strong sign of memories, including associated beliefs, emotions, and physical sensations, that have remained unprocessed and therefore unhealed. There are likely reminders (called triggers) of the past abuse that are being activated in your current relationship that are allowing these unhealed memories to come to the surface and affect both your sleep and your waking experiences. This is certainly not something you are purposefully doing but is the result of what happened to you. However, you likely feel as if you are not in control. The goal is protect your current relationship, evaluate your self-image for flaws in beliefs and feelings, and begin working on healing your memories of abuse. In many cases, my use of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) would be helpful in reducing the emotional strength of your abuse memories, reduce or eliminate triggers, bring healing, and allow you to enjoy being in the present with your current relationship. I would recommend discussing with your current partner your harmful past experiences, your decision to pursue counseling, and your strong desire to be healthy for your current relationship. With a good support network in place, healing is very possible. |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship | I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. | From what you describe about yourself, I agree with you that ending your former relationship was a very wise decision.The nightmares and flashbacks show that you were deeply affected emotionally and on the foundations of your basic nature.The way for these to stop is by the slow process of realizing how badly injured and frightened you were of your former partner.Once you've stabilized yourself by accepting the tremendous harshness that was part of the former relationship, then the nightmares and flashbacks will disappear gradually usually, maybe all at once.There is a possibility too that your former relationship connected with being emotionally ignored, abandoned, treated harshly during your time of growing up years.Since generally people choose partners who relate similarly to the ways in which they felt treated by parents, it is possible that you had been badly treated while growing up and weren't aware of this until going through this terrible relationship.Congratulations on ending your relationship! |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship | I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. | Thanks for sharing and asking for help. You mention that you're the one who ended the relationship in the past, yet are haunted by nightmares and flashbacks. Your comments here lead me to wonder that you may have experienced some form of trauma in this past relationship; and, if so, I would encourage you to additionally consider the whole of your story-line as it relates to trauma. Doing so will serve you well for your own peace-of-mind especially so in your current relationship. The best way to do all of this in a supportive fashion is to work with an experienced therapist who specializes in trauma-focused care. The therapist may, if indicated, wish to to incorporate EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which "...is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences. Best wishes.Resource for Your Consideration: http://www.emdr.com/ |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship | I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. | It sounds like you have not had the opportunity to process through the trauma you have endured. It would help if you have the opportunity to speak with someone on a regular basis until the symptoms of your trauma have subsided. |
I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship | I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. | One thing you could try to do on your own is to focus on the partner who is in front of you now. If you are able to connect with them via touch or focusing on their tone of voice, that may help to center you. Tried to stay grounded and/or mindful. That is being aware of your position in the room, your feet on the floor, your hands in your lap, or your hips in the chair. Being mindful of the environment you are currently (for example, noticing what is around you) may be helpful. Try to use all your senses. For example, you could focus on hearing your husband's voice, feeling his hand in yours, being wrapped in your favorite blanket, seeing a comforting photo, using a comforting sense or candle, or tasting an apple that reminds you of times when you have enjoyed yourself in the kitchen.It also sounds like you are having a very specific reaction that could very well be related to trauma. I would recommend that you talk with a local mental health professional.Remember, just because it was the best decision of your life, that doesn't mean that what happened to you or in your presence automatically leaves you when you leave the relationship. Our brain is actually hardwired to remember things that have caused us pain or great emotional distress as a way of protecting us from them happening again. This is a very natural response and the reactions you have as far as nightmares and flashbacks are the past coming forward and your brain trying to make sense of it all. |
Subsets and Splits