TEXT
stringlengths 1.25k
199k
| METADATA
stringlengths 54
187
| SOURCE
stringclasses 1
value |
|---|---|---|
Original Air Date on April 30th, 2010
Previously on Smallville ...
Waller: There are aliens among us. If you don't stand with us, you stand against us. It's time for you to pick a side.
[g*n]
Tess: There's only one way to leave Checkmate.
[g*n]
Chloe: I finished tracing the number of our rogue Blur. It was Zod.
Clark: You lied about having powers. How'd you get them?
Zod: From your blood. Your father left the Book of Rao on this Earth. And what with all of this, there is no limit to what we can achieve.
Clark: Don't act like there isn't some agenda you're not telling me about.
Faora: If it wasn't for Zod, I wouldn't be alive today.
Clark: Let's just say I know him better than you think.
Tess: A group of your people are looking to a new leader. Clark.
Zod: The time has come to share in your birthright.
Clark: I know what I have to do.
[Cell phone beeps]
Chloe: Hey. [Chuckles] Don't tell me you forgot about your favorite customer.
Vendor: I thought you forgot about me.
[ Chuckles ]
Vendor: You're late. [Looks at watch]
Chloe: I'll have the usual, please.
Vendor: All I got left is strong and burnt.
Chloe: As long as it's hot.
[He chuckles]
Vendor: You know, I've been meaning to ask. What kind of a job has a pretty young lady working all night, every night?
Chloe: Actually, I work for a nonprofit organization. We help people in need.
Vendor: Trying to save the world, huh?
Chloe: All night, every night.
[Smiles and leaves]
[ Elevator door closes ]
[ Beeping ]
Female computerized voice: Verify.
Chloe: Chloe Sullivan. Password 051409.
Computer: Vocal and bio analysis confirmed.
[ Elevator dings ]
Computer: Welcome to Watchtower, Miss Sullivan.
Chloe: Ready to save the world from itself?
[ Beeping ]
[ Opens case ]
[ g*n cocks ]
Chloe: How did you find out my secret?
Tess: Oliver's voice wavered when I told him that Watchtower had been kidnapped. And I've seen the way he looks at you. It's the little things a girl tends to notice.
Chloe: And yet you somehow you missed an unloaded g*n.
[ Chloe hits Tess, both grunt ]
[ g*n ]
Computer: Watchtower safety compromised. Initiating lockdown.
[ Alarm blaring ]
[ g*n cocks ]
Tess: It's in your best interest to get these doors open, now.
[ Blaring continues ]
[ Computer keyboard clacks ]
[ Beeps ]
Computer: Security breach. Access denied.
[ Blaring continues ]
Chloe: We're not going anywhere. Watchtower's in control now.
Clark: I let myself in.
Oliver: Terrific. You, uh, hop up to the helipad or just super-speed past security, Clark?
Clark: I used the elevator.
Oliver: How human of you. You're obviously not on patrol tonight. What's going on?
Clark: I need to find Zod.
Oliver: You know Chloe? She's got this really big building filled with a lot of expensive stuff I paid a lot of money for. She could probably help you out with that.
Clark: The last thing that we need is to have a w*apon like Watchtower fall into the wrong hands. I want to keep Chloe out of the line of f*re. I figured you'd agree with that.
Oliver: Keep Chloe out of the line of f*re? What the hell's going on?
Clark: Zod. He went after Lois. He pretended to be The Blur and he put her in danger.
Oliver: I think it's time we take off the gloves.
Clark: Look, I need you on this, but I can't have you starting a fight with Zod if I'm trying to keep the peace.
Oliver: Clark, I know you like to see the goodness in everyone, but you know what this guy's capable of, right?
Clark: And I know what you're capable of. I understand how you feel. Don't think I'm not angry too. But I can't have you f*ring off the first sh*t and thr*at everything I've worked for. These are my people that we're talking about. My first real chance to have a Kryptonian family here on Earth. And we need to find Zod and confront him. My way.
Oliver: Yeah, all right, man, I got your back.
Clark: Then suit up. Check the mansion. Before Tess went off the grid, she got close to Zod. She may have left behind some intel. I have another lead I wanna run down on my own.
Oliver: Hey, Clark. You know, those Kandorians, they're not the only family you have here.
[g*n]
Chloe: In the event that I die of starvation or, oh, say a ricocheting b*llet, do you mind telling me how you got in here?
[ g*n clicks ]
Tess: You're sloppy, Chloe. I've got thousands of samples of your DNA from all the times you've spied on me. It's called a DNA cloak.
Chloe: Well, aren't you fancy?
Tess: You know, getting in doesn't really seem to be our issue right now. How the hell do we get out of here?
Chloe: Short answer: it's impossible. When Checkmate kidnapped me, I upgraded Watchtower's security to contain intruders like you. The only problem is I was supposed to be on the outside.
[ Dialing ]
Chloe: Seriously? The lockdown prevents any signals from getting in or out.
[ Beeping ]
Computer: thr*at confirmation still active.
Chloe; Wait a minute. Watchtower didn't react because you att*cked me. We're on lockdown because some hacking transmitter was detected. The initial signal managed to pirate some data before my firewall blocked it. And the thing is still alive. It's trying to break through another firewall, Tess. It's trying to give away our location. What did you bring in here?!
Tess: Nothing. All I wanted to do was erase any info you had on the Kandorians, not re-route it.
Chloe: I knew you were the Kandorians' lapdog, but I didn't realize you were Zod's little bitch, too. All right, look. If you're not behind this, there's only one other group I can think of that wants Watchtower this badly.
Man: The signal's scrambled, Agent Campbell. Watchtower threw up some kind of halo of interference as soon as the tracker went live.
[ Beep ]
Agent over radio: Waller's coming online.
Waller: We're trying to sort out the data we siphoned from Watchtower before they blocked us. What is your status?
Stuart: We've narrowed the location within a 20-block radius.
Waller: Good. [ Sighs ] We can't afford to make a mistake with the Red Queen so close. Don't make me regret putting my little white knight back in play.
Stuart: There's no need to worry. We're gonna have Watchtower in Checkmate's hands by dawn.
Waller: Godspeed, Agent Campbell. Waller out.
[ Beep ]
Stuart: You heard Waller, gentlemen. Let's show Mercer how we feel about a little thing called treason.
Chloe: Okay, if I was hiding a transmitting tracking device, I would want to make it as unassuming as possible. Which means I can probably count this out. "Fever"-colored lipstick? Really?
Tess: Well, I was gonna go with Plain Jane, but you seem to have that market cornered.
[ Scoffs and laughs ]
Really, how much could have been leaked in the blink of an eye?
Chloe: Watchtower downloads what amounts to the Library of Congress every 3
seconds. Which means in half that time, Checkmate could have attained my entire team's database.
Tess: And all of your files on the Kandorians.
[ Beep ]
Computer: Firewall breach. Cluster 4458.
Chloe: Now, if it wasn't planted in your things, it must be on you.
Computer: Firewall 3110.
Tess: What? Chloe, this is ridiculous, okay?
[ Detector whirring and beeps ]
Chloe: It's in your body, Tess. Just beneath your skin.
Tess: [ Voice breaking ] Get it out of me, now.
Computer: Firewall 2081.
[ Grunts ]
[ Tracking device skitters ]
Chloe: Oh, my God. It moved.
Computer: Firewall 1579.
Tess: [ Chuckles softly ] When it feels thr*at, it burrows deeper into the host. We'll never get it out now.
Chloe: How did you know that?
Tess: It's a Checkmate device. A mechanical parasite powered by the host's biorhythms.
Computer: Firewall 1209.
Chloe: Well, you know what they say: "You lie down with dogs, you end up with fleas."
Tess: Laugh it up, Chloe. But when Checkmate finds us, we'll both be d*ad.
[ Woman vocalizing [ Vocalizing continues ]
[ Kandorians murmuring ]
Clark: I'm glad you found a way to preserve our culture here on Earth.
Faora: I wish everyone saw it that way. Zod disappeared and took the rest of our people with him.
Clark: I don't understand. I thought all of you had found a new life here on Earth.
Faora: We were wrong to follow you, Kal-El. When we did what you asked and tried to assimilate with the humans, we were left behind. We're gathered here, waiting for Zod's return, to ask his forgiveness.
Clark: I'm sorry, Faora. I never meant to divide our people. But you cannot realign with Zod.
Faora: You've never trusted him, Kal-El. All Zod wanted was to give us powers so we could protect ourselves.
Clark: Zod already has powers. He's had them for weeks. Faora, there's something you need to see.
[ Glass shatters ]
[ Crashing ]
Zod: You are unmistakably the one they call Green Arrow. A rebel with many causes.
Oliver: I'm glad to know my reputation still proceeds me. You must be Zod. The soldier with no army.
Zod: Hmm. I see my reputation precedes me, too.
Oliver: I'm guessing by the looks of him, we're not the only ones waiting for Tess.
Zod: Oh, yeah, him. I find it disgusting how quickly you humans can betray your own. Now, that one, he gave up all sorts of useful information before he died, about something your government called Checkmate. and about who they're after.
Oliver: Well, not too long ago, a gift-wrapped me was at the top of that wish list.
Zod: And now Tess is. Checkmate is using her to get to us, hunting us to the death. Having been on the receiving end of their t*rror1st schemes, why don't you join me against our common enemy?
Oliver: Well, I'm flattered, but if I let you go after Checkmate, you'll start World w*r III. That's not an option.
Zod: Your conviction is admirable, but you can't possibly think you're faster than me.
Oliver: I've always been taught to favor accuracy over speed.
[ sh**t arrow, but Zod hits him instead ]
[ Grunts, shatters glass ]
[ Zod groans ]
Oliver: Bull's-eye.
Computer: Air supply terminated.
[ Door slams ]
[ Chloe sighs ]
[ Rapid beeping ]
Computer: Firewall 12.
[ Chloe hands Tess water ]
Chloe: We got three minutes of air left. You think Checkmate will find us before then?
[ Tess sighs ]
Tess: Asphyxiation or a f*ring squad.
Chloe: Heh. Damned if we do, damned if we don't.
Computer: Firewall 11.
Tess: Just damned. I just wanted to save the world.
Chloe: Heh. That's funny. Last time I checked, you were just trying to get rid of everyone in it.
[ Tess sighs ]
Computer: Firewall 9.
Tess: Paint my ideals however you want, but you and yours don't trust people any more than I do. This entire building was programmed to prevent anyone from getting close to you.
[ Chloe looks hurt ]
Computer: Firewall 7.
Chloe: Yeah, I guess I lost my faith in people a long time ago, too.
Tess: It's why you won't let Oliver get close to you.
Chloe: And why I can't blame him when he eventually leaves.
Tess: [ Shakes head softly ] He's not gonna leave you. With you, he has a purpose. I wish I could have given him that. And it kills me.
Computer: Firewall 3.
Tess: Because you have everything right in front of you, and you can't even see it.
[ Chloe has tears in her eyes ]
Computer: Firewall 2. Final breach imminent.
Chloe: They broke through the final firewall. Checkmate's gonna be here any minute.
Tess: As long as they t*rture us with the A.C. on, I'll die happy.
[ Sighs ]
Chloe: Cold.
[ Opens door ]
Chloe: Okay. Watchtower's cooling system uses a special mix of liquid helium and nitrogen. Cold enough to shatter steel.
Tess: What are you waiting for?
Chloe: If I pull these t*nk, then the mainframe melts. All my work. Watchtower is gone.
Tess: If you don't, we die.
Computer: Critical oxygen level.
[ Chloe nods ]
[ g*n clicks ]
Computer: Warning. Temperature variation detected.
Chloe: Ready?
[ Throws cooler ]
[ sh**t g*n ]
Computer: System failure imminent.
[ Blaring continues ]
Computer: System failure imminent.
[ Blaring continues ]
Computer: System failure imminent.
[ Tess and Chloe push desk and break the steel door ]
Computer voice broken: System failure imminent.
[ Chloe looks back, not wanting to leave Watchtower]
[ Everything powers off ]
[ Beep ]
Man: They're back on the grid.
Stuart: Safeties off, gentlemen. sh**t to k*ll.
Faora: Zod. He destroyed Krypton.
Clark: My father sent those messages here to Earth, to help me stop history from repeating itself. I trusted Zod, too. That's why I didn't tell you any of this sooner. Look, the circumstances may be different, but Zod cannot be trusted. On Krypton, he destroyed that planet to prove a point. We can't let him do the same thing here.
Faora: I'd hoped what Zod had given me would reunite our people.
Clark: What he gave you? At the ceremony, your sister was protecting you.
[ Uses super hearing, Heart beating ]
Clark: You're pregnant, and Zod's the father?
[ Sobs ]
Clark: This baby is proof that you can still have a life here, apart from Zod, without powers. Faora, Krypton lives on through you.
Zod: [ Groaning ] Why don't you just m*rder me now? Isn't that what your race does?
Oliver: [ Grunts ] Sometimes. And I would love to, believe me, but although inconvenient and a lot less fun, now. I made a commitment to Clark to help save the world peacefully. Now, that said, you bulldoze me again, I might have a change of heart.
Faora: Zod's been looking for something ever since we arrived. The Book of Rao. Zod said the Book of Rao was some sort of Kryptonian Bible.
Faora: It's so much more than that. It wields great power. And if Zod were to get his hands on it, then who knows what he would do?
[ Cell phone rings ]
Clark: Oliver, what's wrong?
Oliver: I found what we're looking for. I'll give you a little hint; it's bigger than a breadbox.
Clark: Zod?
Oliver, over the phone: Yep.
Clark: I'll be right there.
Oliver: Why don't you take your sweet time because I have everything under control.
[ Oliver screaming over phone ]
Clark: Oliver? Oliver?!
[ Air whooshes ]
[ Door opens ]
Clark: No.
[ Air whooshes ]
Clark: Zod.
[ Clark seems angry ]
[ Engine revs ]
Waller: Change of plans, Agent Campbell.
Stuart: Change of plans? We just made contact with Mercer's tracker.
Waller: I don't care about Mercer or Watchtower. We decrypted the data. We found the aliens. Checkmate is going to stop this w*r before it gets started. Waller out.
[ Beep ]
Stuart: We've got her 20. Now lock her down; I'm not losing her.
Agent: Sir, you heard Waller. We have our orders.
Stuart: I just spent the last five months in recovery from what Mercer did to me. Now, this op is over when I say it's over, understood?
Tess: I don't get it. You're in the clear. We escaped before Checkmate got a h*t on Watchtower's address.
Chloe: That doesn't make you any less of a liability, Tess. You still know the secret identities of all my most valuable players.
Tess: There's no sense in both of us getting captured.
Chloe: I'm not letting you out of my sight until we get rid of your little friend.
[ Opens door ]
Faora: I know how much I am asking of you in standing against Zod. I will not let my child be raised under a tyrant's rule. We cannot let our future be guided by a tyrant's hand. Our past ended in w*r. Let our future begin with peace.
[ Smoke b*mb are thrown inside ]
Agent: There they are! You go.
[ Kandorians and agents yelling indistinctly ]
[ g*n cock ]
[ Grunts ]
Faora: Enough!
Waller: You heard her. Enough's enough. The leader comes with me. We have a few things to discuss. Dispose of the rest.
Doctor: I'll have Dr. Hamilton check in with you once we get him into surgery and assess the damage.
Oliver: Clark, Checkmate's after the Kandorians. Only you can save your people.
Vala: Please. Our people have done nothing. Where are you taking us?
[ Crashing, groaning ]
[ Groaning ]
Clark: Vala, where's your sister?
Vala: They took her.
[ Air whooshes ]
[ Glass shatters ]
Tess: Atropine? What the hell are you gonna do with that?
Chloe: There's no time. Look. If you're right and that transmitter's powered by your biorhythms, then the only way that I can turn it off is to stop your heart. I have to k*ll you, Tess. And this is the only way I'm gonna bring you back.
[ Beep ]
Tess: [ Scoffs ] You're asking for a pretty big leap of faith here.
Chloe: You're gonna have to trust me.
[ Monitor beeping ]
Chloe: You ready?
[ Paddles whining ]
Tess: Do it.
[ Paddles discharge and Tess gasps ]
[ Flatline ]
[ Beeping ]
Stuart: The signal just went d*ad. Let's move. Keep looking.
[ Door opens softly ]
Stuart: Establish a perimeter. I want this whole area locked down.
[ Door closes ]
[ Unzips bag ].
[ About to leave but turns around to save Tess ]
Chloe: Son of a bitch.
[ Puts needle sharply inside Tess' chest ]
[ Tess inhales sharply, gasping ]
[ Tess gasps, whimpers ]
[ Tess groans ]
Chloe: Whoa, whoa.
[ Tess panting ]
Tess: I really ... I really didn't think you'd do it. Bring me back.
Chloe: Neither did I.
[ Tess panting ]
[ Tess opens door, but Chloe shuts it ]
Chloe: Just for the record, I just saved your ass. You say anything about me or mine to anyone, next time you won't wake up. You understand?
Tess: Guess you'll have to trust me.
[ Opens door ]
[ Waller closes car door ]
Waller: Our field offices were just leveled by the one you call Zod.
Faora: We knew nothing about this. Zod is acting alone. We stand apart. We only want peace.
Waller: Dozens of my agents are d*ad. We are way past peace.
Faora: Then we will help you stop him.
Waller: Defecting means betraying your own kind.
Faora: I'm only betraying one.
[ Air whooshes ]
[ Waller gasps. Zod chucks Waller to a car ]
[ Air whooshes ]
[ Clark stops Zod and chucks him ]
Zod: Checkmate's actions demand justice.
Clark: m*rder isn't justice.
[ Air whooshes ]
Zod: Seems like a lifetime ago when I pulled you out of that rubble, doesn't it?
Faora: The Siege of Argo. There were many losses that day.
Zod: Not for me because I found a young and beautiful cadet who would become my trusted right hand. Oh, you were so brave in the face of death. I knew then that you would be a true partner. I've trusted you, for so very long ... depended on you, across time and space. But in your eyes, I just see contempt. I see betrayal. Now, why would you turn your back on me? I shared my bed with you.
Faora: I didn't turn my back on you. You turned your back on us when our only crime was trying to forge a life for ourselves on this planet.
Zod: If I ever learned that insurrection had spread across my ranks, if I ever discovered that my men had aligned themselves against me, I would raze this planet. I would burn it to the ground till the last ember went cold beneath my boot.
[ Breathes deeply] Now only I will lead us to the next age. All will follow Zod.
Faora: You already sacrificed one world for your ego.
Zod: You know nothing of sacrifice.
Faora: I know more than you ever will.
Zod: Kneel.
Faora: Never.
[ Gasps ]
[ Bones cracking ]
[
Faora exhales sharply ]
[ Zod notices the flower and kneels on the ground with tears in his eyes ]
[ Heartbeat ]
[ Heartbeat slows, and stops ]
[ Zod sobs, then looks angry ]
Stuart: I think I found a way to prioritize our satellites to get a location on Mercer once she left the hospital.
[ Sighs ]
Waller: Zod destroyed the Metropolis field office and six more went dark. The Black King is still missing, and we're at w*r. Contact the U.N. We have to regroup before they strike again. Run.
[ Zod torches everything ]
[ EKG beeping ]
[ Chloe touches Oliver's cheek lightly ]
[ Clark notices Chloe by Oliver's bed side ]
[ Chloe opens the door ]
[ Clark offers coffee, but Chloe looks mad ]
Chloe: Please tell me you found that Z-branding bastard so we can slap him back across the universe.
Clark: Zod's on the move, and there's no sign of Faora or the Kandorians. Maybe if I can reach the others, I can talk some sense into them.
Chloe: We may be too late for that. That's the Castle. God, Zod's att*cked Checkmate.
Clark: Oliver was personal. With this, Zod just declared w*r.
[ Beep ]
Chloe: You're not gonna like where he's gathering his troops. My eye in the sky above the Fortress is picking up movement.
[ Air whooshes ]
Zod: What was to be the first son of Kandor is no more. Now we, the last sons and daughters of Krypton, have no choice but to preserve our birthright. The humans k*lled the mother of my unborn child, the mother of your future.
Clark: That's a lie. The last time that I saw Faora, she was alive. And she was alone with Zod.
Zod: Why should they believe you? And this traitor saved the life of the woman who held you hostage ... the woman who wanted to dissect you, who wanted to t*rture you ... m*rder you.
Clark: Vala, if there's anyone who really knows what your sister wanted, it's you. It was peace, Vala. She wanted peace.
Vala: No. Zod's right. The humans will never allow Kandor peace.
Kandorian: They will hunt us to the last man, but they will fail, for we shall never be defeated. We will follow General Zod to the ends of this Earth.
[ Everyone kneels ]
Zod: Krypton will rise again. And all humankind will kneel before Zod.
Clark: I'll never let that happen.
Zod: You won't be able to stop us.
[ Air whooshing ]
[ Air whooshing ] | {"type": "series", "show": "Smallville", "episode": "09x19 - Sacrifice"} | foreverdreaming |
Original Air Date on May 7th, 2010
[ Breaks wall ]
Clark: Chloe, the Book of Rao isn't here. I know you just came across that footage, but there's got to be something more on it.
Chloe: I'm looking at it now, Clark. Jor-El put it in the north wall. I wish I could give you more, but thanks to Tess' little break-in, Watchtower can barely run a game of "Donkey Kong," let alone an image-enhancement program.
Clark: Chloe, if that book really holds unlimited power, then we need to find it.
Chloe: You know, Clark, this could explain why our favorite alien nation has gone AWOL. I mean, maybe Zod and the Kandorians are trying to track down the holy Rao grail before we do.
[ Thudding nearby ]
Clark: I got to go.
[ Clattering continues ]
[ Gasps ]
Lois: Aah!
Clark: Lois.
[ Sighs ]
Lois: Clark.
Clark: I'm sorry. I thought you were a, um..
Lois: Thief? If you can't recognize my butt in a pair of jeans, then what are you thinking about?
Clark: I know. I just ... I've been distracted.
Lois: Well, excuse me for getting between a man and his tractor, but our unemployment situation has just gone to DEFCON 1.
Clark: Lois, it's not a matter of life and death.
Lois: Actually, it is. My phone just got turned off because the Planet stopped paying my cell bill, and half my wardrobe is being held hostage at the dry cleaners. To top it off, it's as if you're expecting me to single-handedly save our unemployed derrieres, which, lucky for you, I have. I have found a story that will get us corner offices at the Planet, with parking on P1. We just have to start now.
Clark: Look, I appreciate the offer, Lois, but I can't drop everything right now.
Lois: Whoa. Hey. I have been pounding back double-double espressos, just trying to keep us on some kind of a masthead, and you've been doing what, exactly?
Clark: I just have some responsibilities that I can't ignore.
Lois: Well, here's something I can't ignore. I need a purpose, some kind of bigger mission in life. You don't seem to need that.
Clark: Lois, you're under a lot of stress right now. I understand that, but maybe you're just overreacting.
Lois: [ Scoffs lightly ] To what? My life falling apart?
Clark: Lois, just give me a break.
Lois: You want a break?
[ Vehicle approaches ]
Lois: Maybe we should take a break.
[ Car door closes ]
[ Woman laughing ]
Lois: A break from this relationship.
[ Clark looks hurt by that thought ]
[ Door opens ]
[ Laughing continues ]
Martha: Clark.
Clark: Mom.
[ Both chuckle ]
Clark: What a surprise.
Martha: I thought you'd be at the Planet.
[ They hug ]
Clark: I'm working from home.
[ Lois notices the subtle lie ]
Clark: What are you doing here?
Martha: I need an excuse to see my own son? Lois, hi. You'll stay for dinner, I hope.
[ Clark gives her a 'yes' look ]
Martha: I've got plenty for the four of us.
Clark: "The four of us"?
Perry: I don't know why you need all these clothes. With my help, you won't be wearing any ... -
Martha: You remember Perry White?
[ Sighs ]
Lois: The Perry White?
[ Chuckles ]
[ Credits roll in ]
Clark: I think about him every day.
Martha: Your father and I had our first date in this barn. I made a surprise picnic, but his truck broke down [Chuckles] So, we ate it in here.
Clark: I'm glad you made it home, Mom.
Martha: Well, the Senate broke early for recess, and, oh, Clark, the truth is, I couldn't face the memories. It's hard coming back to this place.
[ They hug ]
Clark: I'm just glad you're here now.
Martha: About Perry, I hope you don't mind.
I bumped into him at a committee hearing a few months ago.
Clark: It's okay, Mom. As long as he doesn't start looking for a story. I've had my hands full with the Kandorians.
Martha: I'm so proud of everything you're doing to help your people.
Clark: Well, it hasn't been easy. More than ever, I've been living two lives.
Martha: One of those lives is full of sacrifice, so I'm glad to see the other one has Lois in it. I sleep better knowing you have someone special in your life.
[ Clark smiles ]
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
Lois: Oh, my God. You have got to forward this to my high-school journalism teacher.
Perry: Oh.
Lois: "Check it out, Mrs. Kreitzman, me and Perry White. Who's sorry now, beyotch?"
[ Laughs ]
Perry: Sorry, kid. Last thing I need is a Mrs. Kreitzman on my ass. By the way, I've, uh, read some of your stuff. You and Clark are a regular Woodward and Bernstein.
Lois: Thanks. We aren't really writing together at the moment. Is that your next big story?
Perry: Yeah. I've been tracking this one for months. Big players. This thing is my white whale, kid. Sorry I can't share any details.
Lois: Too bad, Ahab, 'cause I've got something pretty big on the line too. It's gonna cause quite a splash.
Perry: Oh. Well, if it's as huge as you say it is, good luck reeling it in all by yourself.
Lois: That's true. [ Sighs ] I don'have Cark right now to help with the heavy lifting, but this puppy sells itself. It is gonna kick your story back to Arts and Leisure.
[ Shows page ]
[ Chortles ]
Perry: You've got to be kidding me. This is a goth guy on a trampoline in a jogging suit.
Lois: No, it's the real thing. I got a call from a ... .a guy who needed my help. And when I started investigating this shady redhead, I found the mother lode. There are aliens here on our planet.
[ Chuckles ]
Lois: And they are looking for this.
[ Shows page ]
Lois: The Book of Rao.
Perry: The Book of Rao. Really? I've seen this before.
Lois: Oh. You got to give some to get some.
Perry: All right, Lane, here's what I've got. A secret government complex in the Rocky Mountains was blown to bits. When I tried to investigate, I was blocked by an operative even the FBI doesn't know about, code name Red Queen. Now, I think she's shadowing a secret organization called Checkmate, which is fighting some kind of t*rror1st invasion. And it's all somehow connected with this.
Lois: Maybe our two stories are really the same story.
Perry: This is your lucky day, kid. The big break most people only dream about. You get to write a story with Perry White.
[ Lois smiles ]
[ Breathes deeply ]
[ Groans softly ]
[ Curtain rattling ]
[ Door opens ]
Lois: Damn it! What did you do to this place?
[ Door opens ]
[ Someone hits Tess ]
Where is the Book of Rao?
[ Sighs ]
Lois: I've got to hand it to you, Mrs. K. Running Senate subcommittees by day, cooking rocking meals by night.
[ Chuckles ]
Lois: You put the M in "modern woman." Me, I put the T in "takeout."
[ Laughs ]
Martha: So, tell me all the news. How are you and Clark?
Lois: Oh. You know, everything's, peachy. You know us. Chocolate and peanut butter, yin and yang, Tarzan and Jane. Okay, maybe not the "pulling hair, jungle love of it all."
[ Chuckles ]
Martha: Perry mentioned you aren't writing together. Is everything okay?
Lois: Yeah. Have you ever wanted to do something really important with your life? Right. The Senator thing kind of says it all.
Martha: It wasn't easy for me to leave Clark and go to Washington. But a part of me really needed to take that next step.
Lois: That is exactly how I felt when I was talking to ... [ Drinks wine ] This friend. We used to work together. And when I helped him, it was like I had a higher purpose. Like I was, saving the world.
[ Chuckles ]
Martha: You know, after the glow of my wedding wore off, I wondered if I'd made a huge mistake following Jonathan to a small town where I didn't fit in. I went from a city socialite headed for law school to being a farmer's wife, marooned on an island of corn.
[ Laughs ]
Lois: Sounds like Survivor: Smallville.
[ Laughs ]
Martha: You can imagine how I felt when I was offered a job interning for a federal judge. I just jumped at the chance. It was such an exciting time in my life.
Lois: But in the end, you didn't stay.
Martha: I came home on a rainy weekend and discovered the river was rising. So I pulled on work boots and went down to the river with Jonathan. And we started throwing sandbags. We worked all night holding back a wall of water. When the sun rose, I got to tell 20 families that it was safe to go home again.
Lois: The city girl saves the day.
Martha: I didn't know what my purpose really was until that rainy day. I just needed to look inside myself.
Chloe: Listen, Clark, the Kandorians are still MIA.
Clark: What about the Book of Rao? I've seahed the entire farm. It's not here.
Chloe: Yeah, well, lucky for us my mini "Watchtower that could", is actually pulling off a monster-wide web search. So if there's any mention of the Book of Rao anywhere in this ...
[ Beeps ]
[ Sighs ]
Chloe: Bad news, Clark. It looks like I just got a Red Queen virtual smack down.
Clark over the phone: Red Queen? Chloe, that sounds like Checkmate.
Chloe: Yeah, well, despite her handle, the Red Queen isn't actually a figure on Checkmate's board. In fact, the rumor has it that her name has been filed under "big, bad nemesis."
Clark: I'll be there as soon as I can. I'm, uh, sort of held hostage here until after my mom's family dinner. Okay.
Perry: Come on. Sit. Join me in a drink. Club soda. Since that little wake-up call of yours years ago, I'm a teetotaler and an utter bore.
[ Chuckles softly ]
Clark: Still chasing down stories, I see.
Perry: Oh, this is just a little freelance project I'm doing on the side, with Lois, actually. I hope I'm not overstepping.
Clark: No. There was this one story she wanted my help on, but I, looks like she's traded up for a more experienced partner.
[ Chuckles, snorts ]
Perry: I'll let you in on a little secret. Experience is overrated.
[ Sighs ]
Perry: I spent the first 20 years of my career living out of a carry-on bag, chasing every story that moved. I was saving the world.
Clark: That's a big job for a simple reporter.
Perry: Yeah, well, two ex-wives and an ex-dog later, it finally sunk in. What matters most is having someone around to share your life with. Someone like your mom.
[ Sighs ]
Perry: Clark, here's the thing. I'm gonna ask your mother to marry me. I'd like your blessing.
Clark: Listen, Mr. White, I don't want to get in the middle of anything. I'm not sure she's gonna give you the answer you're looking for.
Clark: Lois, we need to talk. I don't want to take a break. I still believe in us.
Lois: I wanna believe in us too. But there's a lot I have to figure out and I can't keep lying to everyone about us.
Clark: Mom, everything smells great.
Martha: Thanks, honey. Um, could you two help me with the ...
[ Door opens, Martha looks sad ]
[ Slow, shuffling foots ]
Clark: Mom, what is it?
Perry: Who's up for a crackling f*re?
[ Martha leaves ]
Perry: What did I do?
Clark: That was my dad's jacket.
[ Sighs ]
[ Everyone eats in awkward silence ]
Perry: What a spread. You really outdid yourself, honey.
[ Touches Martha's hand lightly ]
[ Chuckles ]
Perry: All right, you lovebirds. Tell us what it's like working together and dating.
Clark: It's never been better.
Lois: Hmm. It's kind of like being on a chain g*ng with your ball and chain.
[ Chuckles weakly ]
[ Laughs ]
Clark: Uh, you know, sometimes our job gets in the way, but we always work it out.
Lois: Except when we don't.
[ Chuckles awkwardly ]
Perry: Didn't I read an engagement announcement in the Daily Planet?
[ Coughs ]
Martha: I thought we weren't gonna bring that up, dear?
Clark: Lois and i got our signals crossed.
Lois: Yeah, I don't know how that "I do" slipped out.
[ Clears throat, chuckles ]
Clark: We're having so much fun. We're just enjoying taking it slowly now.
Martha: Well, you don't hear that very often. I-I think it's nice to be a little old-fashioned.
Clark: Well, yeah. People are in such a hurry these days.
[ Lois looks at him from the corner of her eye ]
Perry: How's that working out for you, lois?
Lois: Heh. Well, um, Mrs. K., I can't keep lying to you.
[ Breathes deeply ]
Lois: Clark and I aren't working together at the Daily Planet. We were fired. And we aren't taking it slow, we're actually taking a break. The truth is, Clark, I need to find a way to make a difference with my life. And I realize now that I can't look to you or, or even the Blur to make that happen for me. I need to do it on my own. So maybe what we need right now, isn't a break. It's a breakup.
[ Lois looks so hurt as well as Clark ]
Lois: Excuse me. [ Laughs awkwardly ]
[ Lois leaves the table ]
[ Exhales softly ]
[ Clark leaves the table as well ]
Clark: Lois? Lois. [ Pulls her ] Don't do this.
Lois: If you care about me, then let me go.
Perry: Don't worry. I'll ... I'll see that she gets back safe. I got a story that's just come up, anyway. Oh.
Martha: Here. Let me help you.
Perry: Yeah. Thanks for dinner. [ Kisses Martha on the cheek ] Bye, Clark.
[ Car door open and closes ]
[ Vehicle departs ]
[ Door opens ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Groaning ]
Tess: Oliver. Are you okay?
Oliver: Yeah. I'm gonna be great.
[ Grunts ]
Tess: Zod. He b*rned you. Okay, we have to get out of here. Did this guy tell you what he wants?
Oliver: I don't know what the hell he wants. He said something about someone named the Red Queen and a gold disk, a bunch of aliens. Really great stuff. It sounded right up your alley. Hey, wait a minute. This whole thing's an act, right?
Tess: What?
Oliver: You had me hauled in here so you could get information about this Rao thing. It's you. You're the Red Queen.
[ Sighs ]
Martha: Talk about a recipe for disaster.
Clark: Well, it's all my fault. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin your weekend with Perry.
Martha: Clark, Perry didn't leave because of you. I-I thought I was ready, but maybe it's still too soon. I guess we were all pretending things were better than they were.
Clark: I'm sorry I wasn't more honest with you, Mom. Even for a weekend, I just wanted things to be the way they used to be.
Martha: But they're not. We both need to face that fact, Clark. Anyway, I'm not the person you should be worried about.
Clark: I know. I really messed things up with Lois. It's just it's so complicated. Right when we got fired from the Daily Planet, I started having problems with the Kandorians, and I, [ Plate thuds ] just couldn't stop lying to her.
Martha: Sometimes the hardest save to make isn't a stranger in a burning building, it's the person closest to you. Maybe you need to be honest with her.
Clark: Well, I mean, I sort of tried to tell her who I am, but she thought it was more important I protect my identity. Talking to her as the blur, I, I've seen a different side of her. And it's made me fall deeper, and, and it's just not a side she's decided to share with Clark Kent.
Martha: Clark, if you want her back, you're going to have to take the next step in your relationship. Otherwise, you'll have to let her go.
[ Door opens ]
Lois: Thanks for all your help, Perry. I really needed to get my head into a story right now.
Perry: Well, either you've been robbed, or I missed a hell of a party.
Lois: My parties are never that good.
Perry: You know what this means, don't you?
Lois: We are officially a thr*at.
[ Door opens ]
Perry: Wow. They really did a number on your closet.
Lois: No, no. It's always like this. Ah! [ Sighs ]
Perry: Hope this gets us to the Red Queen.
She showed up around the same time Waller disappeared. Maybe she's taken over Checkmate's network.
[ Ringing ]
Man: Taco Dan's. What can I get you?
[ Sighs ]
Lois: I know this phone is a direct line to Checkmate, so here's my order. Red queen. Nothing on the side, just her.
Man: Ma'am, this is a Mexican restaurant.
Lois: Oh, right. Taco Dan's? That the best you can come up with? I thought all you spy guys went to Yale.
Man: Lady, you have the wrong number.
Lois: Oh, no, Austin Powers. I have your number. I know that you work for a covert organization dedicated to defending the planet from an alien invasion, that your boss was Amanda Waller, and that that little chateau of yours in the Rocky Mountains was blown to bits, probably by aliens after the Book of Rao, which is why you better stop with this guac-and-chips act and get us some face time with the Red Queen right now.
Perry: Or else we'll yank Her Majesty off the chessboard and put her on the front page of the Daily Planet.
[ Dial tone ]
[ Beeps ]
[ Sighs ]
Lois: Maybe that really was a Mexican restaurant.
Perry: Between this and the dinner disaster, it looks like we're both 0 for 2
tonight.
[ Sighs ]
[ Cellphone rings ]
[ Beeps ]
Man #2: Queen to 37.318 minus 97.998. Your move.
[ Dial tone ]
[ Beeps ]
Perry: We just got the coordinates to meet the Red Queen.
[ Air whooshes ]
Clark: Vala. I need your help.
Vala: You k*lled my sister.
[ Air whooshes ]
Clark: You don't really believe that, do you?
Vala: What do you want from me?
Clark: Everything you know about the Book of Rao.
Vala: It's the Kandorian Bible. And it has all the knowledge and power of Rao. It will destroy our life on Earth.
Clark: Does Zod have it?
Vala: He's cast a wide net. But someone called the Red Queen keeps blocking all of his moves.
Clark: This Red Queen, do you know who she is?
Vala: Tess mercer.
[ Whoosh ]
[ Cellphone rings ]
Clark: Chloe.
Chloe: Clark, I'm picking up a lot of high-level chatter. There's some big meet and greet going down and the top of the guest list is Lois Lane and Perry White.
Clark: Who's hosting?
Chloe: Our pal the Red Queen.
Clark: Vala thinks the Red Queen is Tess' new handle.
Chloe: Clark, if this is Tess gone rogue, then Lois and Perry are about to get buried. And I don't mean on page 10.
[ Maxwell punches Oliver, grunts ]
Maxwell: Where is the Book of Rao? Tell me now, or I k*ll him.
Oliver: Oh, I can't believe you're doing this to me, red.
Tess: I'm not this Red Queen.
[ sh**t Oliver on the leg ]
Tess: No!
[ Gasps ]
[ Grunts ]
Tess: Please don't k*ll him. He has nothing to do with this.
Maxwell: I am not asking again.
Oliver: You know, as much as I hate you for it, you were always the one. I love you.
[ Head butts Olver ]
Tess: Nice try.
[ sh**t g*n ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Panting ]
Tess: You know, you had me going until you made Oliver confess his love. You just had to go that one step too far.
Maxwell: We know you have the Book of Rao.
Tess: You try any more head games, and my t*rture won't be virtual.
[ Tess leaves ]
[ Beeps ]
You were right. It didn't work.
[ Loud, shrill ring ]
Lois: So, is this what it was like when you busted the Star City strangler?
Pery: Did I do that?
Lois: Yeah.
Perry: In the '90s. Ah, those were my fuzzy-navel years. I've blacked out most of that decade. Bogey, 12:00 high.
Lois: Looks like we've got an audience with the Queen.
Perry: Look, Lane, if for some reason I don't make it and you do ...
Lois: Don't talk like that.
Perry: It's not pretty but it has to be said. I think I deserve first position on the byline.
Lois: Come on, Perry.
[ Coughs ]
Perry: Great Caesar's ghost.
[ Grunting ]
Lois: Perry.
Perry:Whoa!
Lois: Perry! Perry, just hang on, okay?
Perry: That's what I tried last time.
Lois: Just ...
[ Chattering ]
Lois: Okay, just grab the cable.
[ Grunts ]
[ People yelling and screaming ]
[ Air whooshes ]
Lois : Hang on, Perry.
[ Pulling him up ]
Lois: I've got you.
[ Laughs ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Lois: I think I could get used to this.
[ Both smile ]
[ Clark watches and smiles ]
[ Air whooshes ]
[ Tires screech ]
[ Crash ]
Clark: The Book of Rao, where is it?
[ Grunts ]
[ Tires screech ]
Clark: This isn't over, Tess.
Clark: Chloe? Any sign of Tess Mercer? Her reign as the Red Queen is about to end.
Chloe: While you were being kryptonited by our mystery majesty, Tess Mercer was being treated for cracked ribs at Met Gen.
Clark: Then we still have to find the Red Queen. When will Watchtower be up and running?
Chloe: Well, I can't exactly call the geek squad, Clark. And I haven't really had much time to ...
Clark: Well, I've seen you overhaul Watchtower in one night, Chloe. What's the holdup?
Chloe: Watchtower's ready to go. I'm not. Clark, I found that footage of Jor-El and the Book of Rao months ago.
Clark: Why didn't you tell me?
Chloe: I'm sorry. You know, I got tangled in my own little world-wide web, and I just lost track of what was important. Clark, when you disappeared from my life, I retracted into Watchtower. And as I became Big Brother, I ... I guess more like Big Sister. It's easy to think that having all the information is the same as having all the answers. But I can't be the eye in the sky anymore, Clark. And now that I have Ollie, I, I want to plug in to the real world. [ has tears in her eyes ] Virtual reality bites.
Clark: Chloe, what you've created here, it's bigger than both of us. It'll go on to serve future generations.
Chloe: I'm not the hero here.
Clark: You may not be saving people from train wrecks, Chloe, or sh**t, but you are just as much of a hero as the rest of us. We're on the brink of w*r, Chloe, and the world needs you.
I need you.
[ Chloe sighs ]
[ Beeps ]
[ Inhales slowly ]
[ Computers turn back on ]
Chloe: Clark, I, I just want you to know that even when I hurt you, I was trying to protect you.
Clark: Protect me.
[ Door opens and closes ]
[ Lid clatters ]
[ g*n cocks ]
Tess: The Red Queen, I presume.
Martha: Don't turn around. Slowly set the disk on the floor and slide it back to me.
Tess: Sorry that I sent your mind reader packing.
Martha: Don't be. I'm not a fan of his tactics, but he got the job done.
Tess: You meant for me to get away. How did you know I'd come here?
Martha: You're predictable.
Tess: You may be really good at staying one step ahead of Checkmate, but you don't know the first thing about me.
Martha: You say you're saving the planet, but you really only care about yourself. You figured out Maxwell's charade because you knew in your heart that Oliver's declaration of love was a lie. You can't comprehend what it means to truly protect someone you love. And stay away from Clark Kent. If you're not careful, you'll end up on the wrong side of the coming apocalypse.
[ Tess has tears ]
[ Tess turns around but she is gone ]
[ Sighs ]
Lois: Oh, my God. Perry.
[ Exhales ]
Lois: You've raised the d*ad. You have single-handedly brought my flatlined career back to life.
Perry: It's no big deal. I just put in a good word with your boss, Stern.
Lois: Well, I will never forget this. And neither will Clark.
Perry: We make a good team, kid. Oh, I got a line on the Red Queen. Nairobi.
[ Chuckles ]
Perry: I'm flying out tomorrow.
Lois: Tomorrow? What about you and Mrs. K.?
Perry: Oh, I'm not giving up on her yet. Martha's one story I'm not sharing with anyone. So what do you say, kid. Africa?
Lois: Normally, I would jump at the chance at running away from my problems. After one day in the trenches with Perry White, I realized I don't have to go anywhere to find my higher calling. I just, I needed to find the hero inside myself.
Perry: Goodbye, Lane. You're the real deal.
Lois: See you, chief.
Perry: Oh, and, uh, tell Clark we're even. I owed him one from a long time ago.
[ Air whoosh ]
Clark: I can't believe you have to go back to being Senator Kent today.
Martha: When it's just the two of us here, I'm your mom and nobody else.
Clark: I wish you could come back and visit more often.
Martha: I had to let go of this place for a while, Clark, but I never let go of you. I'll be back soon.
Clark: Maybe next time you can ease up on the kryptonite.
Martha: Clark, what on earth are you talking about?
Clark: You kept me in the house for dinner so your people could track down the Book of Rao. Once you knew that Perry and Lois were onto you, you had to throw them off the trail. You're the Red Queen. Why didn't you come to me with this?
Martha: Because I didn't want you in the line of f*re.
Clark: So you dragged Perry White along instead?
Martha: I had no idea he was on the trail. You know, he makes me laugh. He makes me feel like everything's gonna be okay. But I can't afford that luxury right now.
Clark: I'm sorry, but I'm gonna need the Book of Rao. It was left here by Jor-El for me to save this planet. That's what you and dad raised me for. It's my destiny.
Martha: Your father and I always trusted you to do the right thing. It seemed easier then. But now, what you're up against, when I went to Washington, I found there were forces working against you. I wanted to protect you. But I couldn't do it as Martha Kent. So I became the Red Queen.
[ Hands box to Clark ]
Clark: The Book of Rao. Are you okay, Mom?
Martha: [ Voice breaking ] It's just, I told myself the world needs Clark Kent even more than I do. But the truth is, I was so afraid of losing you.
Clark: You'll never lose me. I'll always be here for you.
[ Shakes head ]
Martha: You don't understand. The Book of Rao can be used to transport the Kandorians to another plane of existence.
Clark: That may be the answer we need.
Martha: Clark, if the Book of Rao is used to send the Kandorians away, all Kryptonians will be exiled from Earth, including you. | {"type": "series", "show": "Smallville", "episode": "09x20 - Hostage"} | foreverdreaming |
Original Air Date on May 14th, 2010
Clark: When you saw my fate, what did you see?
Dr. Fate: You will lead this generation ... a silver age of heroism.
Clark: I started the training Jor-El always planned for me.
Clark: Do you believe in fate, Lois?
Lois: Only the kind you make happen.
Alia: Blue kryptonite takes away my abilities, too.
Chloe: No strings, or ribbons.
Oliver: It's just a gift.
Lois: I've been talking to The Blur.
Clark: The question is ... am i enough?
Lois: You can't protect us if we know who you are.
Orb: You shall be the savior of Kandor.
Faora: The last thing we remember is our blood being taken in Kandor. How did we get here?
Waller: I'll be in touch.
Lois: There are aliens here on our planet.
Perry: You get to write a story with Perry White.
Clark: You lied about having powers. How'd you get them?
Zod: From your blood. The time has come to share in your birthright.
Faora: Zod's been looking for something that wields great power. Who knows what he will do?
Zod: The humans k*lled the mother of my unborn child.
Clark: The last time that I saw Faora, she was with Zod.
Zod: Why should they believe you?
Clark: The Book of Rao isn't here.
Martha: You say you're saving the planet, but you only care about yourself. The Book of Rao can transport the Kandorians to another plane of existence, including you.
Zod: [ Distorted ] I need your help.
Lois: Anything.
Chloe: I finished tracing our rogue Blur. It was Zod.
Clark: If anyone calls claiming to be me, don't believe them.
Zod: Kneel before Zod.
Clark: Soon, the world will need all the help it can get.
And now, the season finale of Smallville."
Lois: If you remember, I'm the one who said 2012 would be just another Y2K
scare, and I was right. Not to fear, White ... if there's a scandal in the Pentagon, yours truly will be the one to find it.
Jimmy: Miss Lane, seven calls from the state department, confirmation on your flight to Jordan, fruit basket from the Dalai Lama, and Clark's at the deli. He wants to know if you want pastrami or roast beef.
Lois: Clark would forget his head if it wasn't attached with a necktie.
Jimmy: Well, there's something else.
Lois: Yes?
[ Elevator dings ]
Lois: Luthor is making a play for the Oval Office, and White has me playing dodge ball with armchair quarterbacks at the Pentagon?! I can't believe it!
[ Air whooshes ]
Man: News helicopter lost power! It's heading straight for the Daily Planet!
Lois: Olsen! Olsen! You had better be getting every pixel of this.
Man: Look, up in the sky!
Dr. Fate: Your fate is utterly binding. You will lead this generation as Hawkman once led ours.
[ Clark gasps ]
[ Sighs, opens box ]
[ Door opens ]
Lois: I thought you said we'd never talk again. I'm glad you broke radio silence, but why now? How can you be The Blur? That alien snatcher, Chisholm, sh*t you. I saw the wound.
[ Air whooshes ]
Zod: My powers cured me.
Lois: Clark Kent's mild-mannered FBI friend is the guy who's always saving my butt?
Zod: You were willing to risk your life to save me, Lois. You are my hero.
Lois: My hero told me not to trust anyone that said he was The Blur.
Zod: I know I did. But I had no one else to turn to. Lois, please ... I need your help again. Someone is becoming dangerously close to discovering who I am, and if they do, they could destroy everything I've worked for. It's Clark Kent.
Lois: Smallville? I'm sorry. I think all that superspeeding has crisscrossed your wires, because Clark would never harm anyone.
Zod: I know you don't want to see it, Lois, but it's true. It's why he told you to stay away from me. It's why he took away the charm I gave you. He knows what we mean to each other.
Lois: Look, I will admit that Clark's played the jealousy card once or twice ... but you're wrong about him.
Zod: You don't have to take my word for it. You are the best investigator I've known. Now, you dig a little deeper ... but I guarantee you'll find that Clark Kent is not who he says he is.
Chloe: You know, even though Watchtower's back in the game, I'm still coming up empty-handed on the Kandorian front. It's like they vanished into thin air.
Oliver: You know, that might have something to do with the fact that they can fly.
[ Chuckles ]
Chloe: Sarcasm noted.
Oliver: How do we know these people aren't half a galaxy away already?
Chloe: Zod doesn't want to play Thunderdome on a planet that is desolate. He needs people to rule over. I have a feeling the w*r of the worlds is coming soon to a planet near us.
Oliver: I'm heading back to Watchtower. If a w*r breaks out, I want to be in the foxhole with you.
Chloe: Oh. Okay.
Oliver: Because, uh ...
Chloe: Right, because we need to protect Watchtower's database.
Oliver: Yeah. Yeah, the databases, uh, is important. Uh, over and out.
[ Beep ]
[ Air whooshes ]
Chloe: Hey. Everyone's mobilizing. They're all out on the field, and they're packing ...
Clark: Kryptonite w*apon? Chloe, that's only gonna stall them. We're no match for the Kandorians, even when we work together. It's only a matter of time before Zod commands his soldiers to bring the world to its knees.
Chloe: Then let's move on to plan "A." I assume you brought the infamous secret w*apon.
[ Thud ]
Chloe: Wow. I still don't understand how the Red Queen of the Kent farm knew about the book Rao.
Clark: My mom inherited the Kryptonian library when Lionel died. It's no surprise that Zod would lie. The Book of Rao is not a bible. It was created by Jor-El to send the Kandorians to another world ... a world they could call their own.
Chloe: Well, let's f*re up this intergalactic subway token and send our visitors on a fast train to Nirvana.
Clark: I can't. Once it's activated, it sends all Kryptonians to the new world.
Chloe: Including you.
Clark: I know my destiny, and it's here. I've seen it. Dr. Fate has seen it, too. And Jor-El has sent me on trials to prove it. I finally know who I am and what I'm meant to do here on Earth. I'm not leaving.
Chloe: Clark, no one wants to see you reach your true potential more than I do. I mean, I've been with you through every bump along this insane ride. But what if every trial has just been a preparation for you to make the ultimate sacrifice?
Clark: Then why would my father have gone silent in the fortress? Chloe, if this was a trial, my father would never skip on a chance to give me a lecture.
Chloe: Because this isn't a trial, Clark. And maybe your father disappeared on you because he knew you needed to make this last mile on your own.
Clark: Then it's up to me. And I think there's another way to save Zod.
Chloe: Jor-El did not tell you to stay here and be our guardian.
Clark: Are you saying it's selfish for me to try to save people?
Chloe: You think i want you to go? Clark, I can't imagine being in this world without you. Look, you've inspired an entire team of heroes who will be here to protect us. And maybe your true purpose is to lead your own people.
[ Air whooshes ]
Zod: You've refused to speak to me, Jor-El. Now I'll make sure you'll never speak to your son again ... and share the secrets of Rao with him.
[ Footsteps approach ]
[ Exhales ]
Zod: You're not welcome here.
Tess: I've been playing hide-and-seek with this ice castle for over two years. So the least you can do is just give me a minute to take it all in.
[ Sighs ]
Tess: It's breathtaking.
Zod: How did you get here?
Tess: I flew.
Zod: Icarus flew to where he didn't belong. And he fell to his death from the heavens.
Tess: Icarus was on an ego trip. But I have a higher calling. I was made to see the error of my ways. I'm here ... to redeem myself.
[ Zod smashes Tess into the crystals ]
[ Tess gasps ]
Zod: It's too late. My people discovered you had the Book of Rao and hid it from me. I won't forgive that deception.
Tess: It's not your forgiveness that I'm looking for.
[ Gasping ]
Tess: I've seen the future. And you enslave this planet ... and destroy anyone that ever opposed you!
[ Gasping ]
Tess: Including Clark. And the Red Queen made me realize ... I won't let you k*ll him.
Zod: You touched the sun when you freed me from the orb. You're about to learn what it feels like to get b*rned.
[ Screaming ]
[ Air whooshes ]
Clark: Jor-El! I know that you told me to save Zod ... but I won't. Not if it means leaving everyone I promised to protect. Now, my destiny is here on Earth. And if everything that you've trained me for was for another purpose, then it was a waste, because I'm staying. There must be some other way to stop Zod. Jor-El!
Zod: Your father can't help you anymore. I made sure of that.
Clark: Zod.
Zod: My people are overtaking this planet, and you can't stop me.
Clark: You want w*r, but it doesn't have to be like this.
Zod: Have you taken a look around you?! It's always like this! Might makes right! Only the strong survive! Have you learned nothing from the natural world in which you love so much?
Clark: What I've learned is that no matter how much someone has hurt you or betrayed you, or how much it seems that someone is evil, at their core, everyone is worth saving.
Zod: What exactly do you think you're saving me from?
Clark: From making another mistake like Faora.
Zod: Do you really think there's redemption for what I did?
Clark: It's never too late.
Zod: How would you know?
Clark: Because I k*lled my own father. My Earth father warned me not to play God.. not to reach for power that's not mine. But I tempted fate, and because of that, he died. You have to forgive yourself. My entire team is equipped with Kryptonite w*apon.
Zod: Hardly a match for my battalion.
Clark: Too many people will die. You need to end this now. You can't win. I know my destiny.
Zod: And I know mine.
[ Air whooshes ]
Clark: Tess ...
[ Air whooshes ]
Lois: You never give up, do you, Perry?
[ Sighs ]
[ Beeping ]
[ Sighs ]
Tess: I'm s-so s-sorry ... Clark. I tracked ... Corben to locate your fortress. And I did it on ... only to s-save you from Zod.
Clark: I have the Book of Rao, Tess. But even if I wanted to use it, I can't, because Zod destroyed the console in the fortress.
Tess: You don't need the fort-tress.
[ Breathes raggedly ]
Tess: When the Kandorians ... were building the Rao tower ... they put together these crystals as an energy source when they were trying to turn the sun red. And I think these crystals will also ... power the Book of Rao.
Clark: I already destroyed the tower.
[ Breathes deeply ]
Tess: I pulled the console from the rubble ... and moved it ... to your crow's nest a-above the city. Clark, this is my last chance to atone for my sins.
[ Breathing raggedly ]
Tess: You ... are the only one that can save us. And you've run out of time. The w*r has already g*n.
Chloe: I think we have a little bit more time before the U.N. gets involved. All our Queen Industry sources say that our military friends believe this is just some hoax. Any new activity?
Stargirl: This is Stargirl online from the nation's capital. No sign of the Kandorians after the att*ck.
Black Canary: Black Canary here. Story's the same in Athens.
Hawkman: All I found in Giza are mummies. We need to flush these aliens out. I've been around long enough to know the best way to win a w*r is to strike first.
Oliver: No, that's the best way to win a bowling tournament, Tweety. We're dealing with superpowered soldiers here.
Hawkman: Just as expected, Mr. Green Jeans has gone yellow.
Chloe: Okay, the Kandorians are Clark's people. So we're not gonna take any sort of action until he's with us.
Martian Manhunter: Watchtower's right.
Cyborg: I agree with Hawkman. We wait too long, they'll have the advantage.
Martian: I say we hold off until Kal-El has a chance to -
Cyborg: How long we gonna wait, Martian ... long enough from them to wipe us out?
Stargirl: We wait, and the Kandorians win.
Canary: Sit tight till they make their next move.
Hawkman: Zod's symbols say one thing ... he wants a fight. I say we move now and cause some pain.
Clark: At what cost? Your abilities allow you to come back, Carter ... after you die, but what about the others on both sides?
Hawkman: So you want us to play nice?
Clark: The Kandorians have been led astray by Zod. I don't want to see them die any more than I want to lose any one of you. I will use the Book of Rao ... ... to send them all away. I've made my decision. Once I lead my people to another world, I'll never be able to come back.
Cyborg: You need to think about this.
Stargirl: What about your life here?
Canary: There's got to be another way.
Hawkman: With us by your side, you don't have to do this alone.
Clark: This is the only peaceful way to eliminate the thr*at. Without a w*r, a w*r that no one will win ... once the Kandorians are gone, there will be other thr*at to mankind. The world will need you. You'll have to work together to become the team that you were meant to be. I once believed that my destiny was here on Earth, but now you need to accept that destiny for me.
Canary: Clark's right.
Cyborg: We'll protect the world ... as one.
Clark: It has been my honor to serve alongside each and every one of you.
Hawkman: The honor was ours, Kal-El.
Chloe: I'm proud of you.
[ Beep ]
Clark: Chloe?
Oliver: You got to let her go, Clark.
[ Footsteps receding ]
Oliver: She's trying to be strong, you know? When your oldest friend leaves forever, there's really no way to say goodbye. That said, I think we both know there's someone else you need to see one last time.
Clark: Considering everything Lois and I have been through, I don't think that's such a good idea.
Oliver: Clark ... you owe her the truth.
Clark: I want to open up to her more than anything. But why tell Lois who I really am, only to rip it away from her? Wouldn't that hurt her more? I wouldn't do that to her.
Oliver: That doesn't mean you can't at least say goodbye.
[ Air whooshes ]
Basqat: General. Have you retrieved the Book of Rao? Sir, if Kal-El still holds it, you said he'd use it to k*ll us all.
Zod: Do not question my resolve. I will not fail. I will destroy the Book of Rao. Do you not have a mission to complete?
Basqat: Kal-El's comrades have been lured to your crests, just as you ordered.
Zod: So they have to have been dispersed around the world, and Kal-El is alone in Metropolis.
Basqat: Our soldiers have cut off their communications. All their satellites have been destroyed.
Zod: Then by dawn, we'll have the Book of Rao. And this planet will be ours.
Chloe: We lost all satellite communication. I can't reach anybody.
[ Beep ]
Chloe: It's like everyone I sent out there is a sitting duck and Zod's about to call a start to hunting season.
Oliver: Take a breath, Chloe. You've stared down the barrel of a g*n before.
Chloe: We're dealing with like 100 Clarks here. I don't know if I can dodge this speeding b*llet.
Oliver: Well, you're not in it alone. We're a team, right? You got me? Hey. Trust me.
Chloe: Thank you. But I don't think talking me off a ledge is gonna help us solve our technical difficulty.
Oliver: Okay, uh, well, then maybe this will. You know, when Tess broke into our little clubhouse here, I had Queen Industries launch an orbiter dedicated to ... Watchtower.
Chloe: Wait a minute. We have our own satellite?
Oliver: Yeah.
Chloe: Why didn't you tell me this before?
Oliver: Well, it was sort of a gift.
Chloe: Uh ... well, I guess giving you a sweater for your birthday is sort of out of the question now.
[ Chuckles ]
Oliver: Well, the satellite's up and running, but the transponders haven't been initiated for downlink yet. So I'm gonna need to flip a couple of switches at the earth station in order to be able to spy from the sky.
Chloe: So then we should just stay in touch the old-fashioned way. I mean ... if Zod has been trying to destroy satellites from space, he's definitely not gonna be happy that you're putting another satellite online. Do me a favor, okay? Just keep a low profile.
[ They kiss ]
Oliver: I'm wearing green leather ...
[ Chloe chuckles ]
Oliver: So I'll do my best.
Lois: How could a guy who kept a journal in high school ever hurt anyone?
Clark: Lois? I've been looking all over for you.
Lois: Funny. Me too.
Clark: I have something I need to tell you. And if I don't tell you now ...
[Sighs]
Clark: I never will. I-I know that things have been rocky between us, but ...
Lois: I'm listening.
Clark: Look, my whole life has been full of relationships that have ended too soon. And then when I went away last fall, I ... Lois, I felt so lost. When I came back to the bullpen ... you were there waiting for me. You jumped out of your seat, you threw your arms around me, and the way that your eyes sparkled when you smiled, I just ... I knew. I just knew that you were the one that I've always needed. And I needed you to know that. What is it?
Lois: Perry White. He's offered me a job at the foreign desk in Kenya.
[ Clark looks hurt ]
Clark: That's great. Congratulations.
[ Lois looks confused ]
Lois: Well, I'm ... I'm not sure I'm going.
Clark: Well, Lois, your ... your career is so important to you, w-what would make you stay?
[ Lois looks annoyed and hurt ]
Lois: For you. I ... I would stay for you. Clark, as important as my career is to me ... [ Sighs ] ..You are more important. I ... I-I would give up Africa to be with you. But only if we stop keeping secrets from each other.
Clark: Lois, I don't know what you're talking about.
Lois: Yeah, you do, Clark. [ Sighs ] Come on. I need you to be honest with me.
Clark: Lois, there's nothing to tell you. I think you leaving Metropolis is the best thing ... for you right now.
[ Hugs Lois ]
Clark: Just know that wherever you are, I'll be watching over you. I'll be thinking of you.
[ Lois has tears in her eyes ]
Lois: I'm sorry. I should go.
[ Lois leaves, hurt ]
[ Monitor beeping rapidly ]
Nurse: Doctor!
Doctor: Crash cart!
Nurse: Her blood pressure's dropping. Her pupils are dilated.
[ Air hisses ]
Doctor: Hurry up. We're losing her.
[ Flatlining ]
Doctor: 10 mil epi ... charge to 200!
Nurse: Charging.
Doctor: Clear!
Nurse: No pulse.
Doctor: Charge to 250.
Nurse: Got it.
Doctor: Clear!
[ Thud ]
Doctor: No response. Let's call it. Time of death ... 3:33 P.M. Call the morgue. Have them send somebody up to collect the body.
Oliver: Houston, we got a problem.
[ Chuckles ]
Chloe: Are you at the satellite station yet?
Oliver: Yeah, I'm way ahead of you, but I'm a little lost. I need you to be my own personal Mapquest, if you don't mind.
Chloe: All right, what's your 20?
Oliver: I'm inside the air ducts right now. Access to the main grid is through one of the routing panels.
Chloe: Okay, Moleman, just think happy thoughts and keep on tunneling. Let me know when you've reached the "T."
Oliver: I hate small spaces. Okay, completed the first level. I'm at the "T."
Chloe: Okay, now, halfway through the second tunnel, on your left-hand side, you're gonna find three panels. The one with jj-910-60s ...
Oliver: The one in the middle, yeah, I got it.
[ Chloe smiles ]
Oliver: You know, you got to admit, I know how to treat a girl on date night.
Chloe: Sure, next week, do you think maybe we could just grab some Thai food and catch a movie?
Oliver: That sounds like a good plan, but for tonight, you're gonna have to settle for stream satellite video.
Chloe: Hey, the link is up! Why don't you make your way home? I'm gonna see if I can access the building schematics and find you a less cramped return trip.
[ Beeps ]
Chloe: Ah, the station's motion sensors have picked you up.
[ Beeping ]
Chloe: Oh, no. Ollie, you've got visitors. There's a whole swarm of them, and they're closing in on you fast. Ollie, you need to get out of there now.
[ Clattering ]
Oliver: Chloe, if they find the signal, they'll trace me back to you! I got to go!
Chloe: No, Ollie, no!
Oliver: Chloe!
Chloe: Ollie!
[ Static ]
Oliver: I love you!
Chloe: I love you!
Oliver: Chloe, they're not kandorian!
[ Static ]
[ Air whooshes ]
Clark: Lois.
Zod: I knew I could count on you.
Lois: I still can't believe you were right about Clark. Just when it seems that you're out of my life for good, you turn out to be the one person I can believe in.
Zod: My only regret is I can see your heartbreak.
Lois: It's not broken. [ Voice breaking ] It's shattered.
Zod: I know how hard it is to discover the person you love ... is not what you think they were. I will never deceive you like Clark did ... ever. Now I need the Book of Rao.
Lois: I can't. I hid it. I was worried that Clark would follow me.
Zod: Where is it?
Lois: I hid it where I confessed to you that you were the most important person in my life.
Zod: This is not a game.
Lois: You're not really him.
[ Air whooshes ]
Zod: I should've known better than to deceive The Blur's most devoted follower.
Lois: Just who the hell are you?
Zod: Unlike The Blur, I'm someone who doesn't care whether you live or die.
[ Glass shatters ]
[ Air whooshes ]
[ Clark saves Lois ]
Lois: Can you ever forgive me for thinking he was you? Please say something. Anything.
[ Takes the Book of Rao from Lois, bringing her in for a long passionate kiss ]
[ Air whooshes ]
[ Exhales ]
Lois: Clark.
[ Sighs ]
[ Air whooshes ]
[ Air whooshes ]
Clark: You can't stop me, Zod. We're leaving this planet.
Zod: I'm not going anywhere. And neither are they.
[ Air whooshes ]
Clark: Having others finish a fight that you started only proves what a coward you are.
Zod: My soldiers know I have never wavered in the face of death. All you've ever done is hide in the shadows.
Clark: You've hidden, too ... the truth from them. The Book of Rao will not destroy us! It will lead us to a better place ... another planet where we can live in peace, where we can build a new home. Krypton will live again.
Zod: This is just another one of his deceits. We all know where his allegiance lies.
Clark: What about your deceptions? If they knew the truth, they'd never follow you.
Zod: My men willingly follow me.
Clark: And what about Faora? All she wanted was to leave you.
Zod: That is a lie!
Clark: And she paid for it with her life.
Zod: Faora never should've trusted you.
Clark: But she wasn't the only one who paid the price, was she?
[ Zod pushes Clark up against the wall ]
Zod: Faora was a traitor. [ Whispers ] Do you think I wanted to k*ll my own child?
[ Crowd gasps ]
Zod: Your sister was a traitor. She would've betrayed us all.
Basqat: Wait! We will deal with him once we're on our own soil.
Vala: Kal-El, take us home.
[ Air rushing ]
Clark: Blue kryptonite.
Zod: I told you. I'm not going anywhere.
[ Air whooshes ]
[ Grunts ]
Clark: You knew the blue kryptonite would prevent you from ascending like the others!
Zod: Better to rule in hell than to serve in heaven. Agh!
[ Zod cuts Clark; Clark grunts in pain ]
Zod: Seeing as you love the humans so much, let's see if you fight like one!
[ Clark and Zod start fighting ]
Zod: Unlike you, I will lead from a throne, not from the shadows. Every human, including the woman you love, will kneel before Zod!
Clark: You already destroyed my first home. I won't let you take this one.
[Zod s*ab Clark and then leaves Earth ]
[ Clark falls ] | {"type": "series", "show": "Smallville", "episode": "09x21 - Salvation"} | foreverdreaming |
Original Air Date on September 24th, 2010
Clark: I wear the symbol of our family every day to remind me that I have a different destiny.
Tess: I've waited so long for you to admit your true Kryptonian heritage.
Clark: My Earth father warned me not to play God, but I tempted fate. Because of that, he died. When you saw my fate, what did you see?
Dr. Fate: Although Lex Luthor is your ultimate opponent, you will triumph over him. You walk the same path I do, Chloe Sullivan.
Chloe: Watchtower is officially online.
Oliver: You saved my life, Chloe, both the myth and the man.
Perry: So, what do you say kid. Africa?
Lois: Perry White. He's offering me a job at the foreign desk, in Kenya.
Clark: Well, what would make you stay?
Lois: I would stay for you.
Clark: I think you leaving Metropolis is the best thing for you right now.
[ Tess punching Zod; Zod grunts ]
Tess: You are the only one that can save us. The w*r has already g*n.
[ Tess gasping ]
Chloe: But what if every trial has just been a preparation for you to make the ultimate sacrifice?
Hawkman: You have the capacity to break the chains that are holding you down, Clark. You'll soar higher then any one of us.
Lois: Clark.
Chloe: Ollie, you need to get out of there, now. Ollie!
Oliver: Chloe. They're not Kandorian.
[ Clark punches Zod ]
And now the Final Season of Smallville.
Lois: Clark! Clark. [ Grunts ] Clark. [ Sobbing ] No. [ Breathes in and gasps at the Kn*fe ] Clark. Please! Please, come back to me.
[ Flash of light ]
[ Clark grunts ]
[ Crows cawing ]
[ Lightning sounds in distance, and there is a flash of light ]
Jor-El: Kal-El.
Clark: Jor-El. Am I d*ad?
Jor-El: You're teetering on the abyss, between life and death, which is why I'm still able to reach you.
Clark: My father's grave. Why show me this?
[ Clark moves leaves over, exposing the grave that reads "Clark" ]
Jor-El: After you die, this stone will be all that is left of you in the world.
Clark: I died to save the world.
Jor-El: Evil never ends. By sacrificing yourself, you've left the humans vulnerable to future thr*at.
Clark: I left a team of heroes behind to protect them.
Jor-El: You were meant to be Earth's greatest protector. Now they're about to face the greatest evil without you.
Clark: Then send me back. I know my fate! To step into the light, to be a symbol of hope to them.
Jor-El: I told you to rule with strength, but you chose the martyr's path. What makes you think you deserve a second chance?
Clark: I can do it. I can be their hero.
[ Smashes headstone ]
[ Lightning and flashes ]
Clark: Jor-El? Let me fight this evil like I always have. Send me back!
[ Leaves rustling ]
[ Man steps out, revealing Lex-like silhouette ]
Clark: Lex.
[ Lightning, flash of light, and crows caw ]
[ Lois takes the Kn*fe out, gasping and panting ]
Lois: Oh, God. Clark. Clark.
[ Lois throws the Kn*fe far away ]
Lois: Clark. Clark.
[ Clark groans ]
[ Lois sighs with relief ]
Lois: Oh, okay.
[ Lois lies Clark down, and then she runs to hide ]
[ Clark grunts and stands up. The sun heals his wound ]
[ He looks around and then super-speeds away ]
[ Lois smiles. ]
[ Doors hiss open ]
[ Computer beeps ]
Oliver over the video: Chloe. They're not Kandorian. I love you.
[ Someone hits him ]
[ Chloe looks down with disgust and tear-filled eyes ]
Man: We're coming for all of you.
[ Opens drawer, takes out a key ]
[ Closes drawer ]
[ Air whooshes, Clark grabs Chloe ]
Chloe: Clark. You survived, how did you ... .?
Clark: I didn't. Zod s*ab me with blue kryptonite. He kept us from ascending. I took the Kn*fe from him and sent him away. And I guess I kind of ... died. But I'm here now. And what about the others, did they make it?
Chloe: They're fine. Can we go back to the part where you died?
Clark: It was more of a near-death experience. Jor-El told me that greater evil was coming. He sent me back to fight it.
Chloe: Okay, I'm all for second chances, but did he happen to give this greater evil a name?
Clark: No, Chloe. Before I left, I saw Lex. Dr. Fate said that he would be my ultimate opponent.
Chloe: Coming back to life ... not exactly covered by an HMO.
Clark: Maybe he went off the grid, to one of his own facilities.
Chloe: I kept a pretty close eye on any Luthor flare ups, I mean, Level 3, Metro pharmaceuticals, 33.1. Clark, all these projects are d*ad.
Clark: Maybe he revised something from years ago.
Chloe: Way back when there wasn't much digital record to track? You know, Clark, if they did a story on this at the Daily Planet, they would have a hard copy stored in the archives.
Clark: I didn't get rid of Zod just to let some other evil take his place.
[ Air whooshes ]
[ computer beeps ]
Lois: Lana, Pete, [ Scoffs ] Chloe. And Mr. and Mrs. K were always so overprotective. I'm the last one to know. [ Scoffs ]
[ Air whooshes ]
[ Lois clicks off the computer ]
Clark: Lois. I thought you'd be in Africa by now.
Lois: I postponed my trip. [ Hugs Clark ] Maybe indefinitely.
Clark: This wouldn't have anything to do with The Blur, would it?
Lois: Well, kind of. Turns out he needs me after all.
Clark: Really? Well, what makes you say that?
[ Lois smiles ]
Lois: Well, I'll tell you, Clark. He just wrapped me up in his muscular arms, pulled me close, and landed the most passionate kiss on my lips. I can't lie to you- it was great.
[ Clark smiles giddily, but stops soon after ]
Clark: That was bold.
Lois: What, grabbing women from the shadows, lip-smacking them, and then running off into the night? Kind of makes you wonder what other little twisted fetishes he has in his toolbox.
[ Lois sighs ]
Lois: So, Clark, did you come here for a reason? Pressing story, maybe?
Clark: Actually, I'm on a really tight deadline.
[ Lois drops pen on purpose ]
Lois: Whoops, would you look at that? I dropped my pen. I'm just going to uh, look for it.
[ Grabs pen ]
Lois: [ Chuckles lightly ] Normally, I wouldn't deal with all these dust bunnies, but it's kind of my favorite pen. Not seeing it. [ Scoffs ] Where are you ,pen?
[ Air whooshes, Lois smiles ]
Lois: Found it. [ Smiles ]
Clark: Lucky for me, it was right here on top of these files.
[ Lois nods, knowing he is lying ]
Lois: Hmm.
Clark: I'll go.
Lois: Wait, Clark.
Clark: Yeah, Lois, what is it?
Lois: We need to talk. [ Clark looks nervous ] Well, I get now is not the time. There's just so much that I want to tell you. Barn, later?
[ Clark nods and smiles ]
Clark: I'll be there.
[ Clark leaves, and Lois smiles ]
Clark: Chloe, I found a research facility linked to Luthorcorp that wasn't in your files: Cadmus Labs. Can you dig up an address for me?
Chloe: Sorry, Clark, I would, but I'm not exactly at Watchtower right now.
[ Indistinct whispers ]
Voice: She's here: the chosen girl.
Clark: Who was that?
Voice: Love is dangerous. Nabu knows.
Clark: Chloe, where are you?!
Chloe: Sorry Clark, but I knew you'd only try and stop me.
[ Line clicks ]
[ Chloe opens the door ]
[ Indistinct whispers. Chloe picks up the helmet ]
[ Whispers intensify ]
Chloe: Show me where Oliver is.
Voice: Would you sacrifice your sanity to save the archer?
[ Flash of light ]
[ Air whoosh ]
Clark: Chloe. [ Shaking his head ]
[ Man punches Oliver ]
[ Oliver grunts in pain, and man punches him again ]
Oliver: You know what I think? I think this whole thing will be a helluva whole lot more painful if I can see your ugly face. So what do you say we ditch this little blindfold here and go Full Monty? Huh, you up for that?
Man: Well, only seems fair you not see me. The world's half blind while cryptic symbols are carved into it's greatest monuments because all their satellite are either shut down or destroyed. All but one. [ Points finger ] Yours.
Oliver: Well, I can explain that. See, I-I always buy quality over quantity.
[ Man laughs ]
Man: Your satellite was tracking them ... the symbols that look just like The Blur's, which makes him the person of interest. But what's your connection to all of this?
Oliver: [ panting ] I told you, you got this whole thing wrong. Okay? I'm what you call a good guy! Here! I'm not guilty of anything, except trying to save the world. Alright? [ Continues panting ] Now I would tell you who from, but I don't think you'd believe me.
Man: Try me.
Oliver: These little green guys from outer space. [ Laughs ]
[ Man shakes head and punches Oliver ]
[ Oliver grunts ]
[ Grabs sponge with water on it ]
Man: I'm just getting started.
[ Electrocutes Oliver, and Oliver yells in pain ]
[ Tess pulls mask off, revealing her healed face ]
Tess: How? God, that's impossible. Cadmus.
[ Sees shadows in the distance and runs off ]
[ Tries to clear off the window, then jumps ]
[ Door squeaks ]
[ Tess opens it, revealing a little boy ]
Tess: It's okay, I won't hurt you. What's your name?
Alex: I'm Alexander.
Tess: What is this place, Alexander? Who are they?
[ Alex touches the glass ]
Alex: They're my brothers.
Tess: You're him. These things, you're all engineered from Lex's DNA.
Alex: We were made to heal the creator, just like we healed you.
[ Tess touches her face ]
Alex: Not all of us turned out okay. [ Reveals bad scar on his stomach ] Some of us came out sick. Some of us aged too fast.
[ Touches glass again ]
[ Pounding nearby ]
[ Tess opens door ]
Alex: No! That's where they keep the bad one!
[ Man grabs Tess; Tess groans ]
Lex's clone: Tess, Tess Mercer?
Tess: You know my name?
Lex's clone: I have all of Lex's memories, his emotions. I know how much you care about me. [ starts bleeding through nose ]
[ Tess punches him ]
Tess: Alexander! Run! Hide.
[ Tess kicks Lex's clone, tries to run, but he throws her to the ground ]
[ He turns on gas; f*re is ignited ]
Lex's clone: There can only be one Lex Luthor.
[ EKG beeping ]
[ Emil pushes Clark ]
Emil: Clark, move. [ Moves Clark again ] Elevated blood pressure, irregular pulse, hyperactive eye movement. It's as if her body is in massive trauma.
Clark: Chloe, [ touches hand softly ] I know you can hear me. You're the strongest person I know, and you're fighting for the rest of us. Don't lose that now when you need it the most. Don't give up, Chloe.
[ Chloe breathes in deeply ]
Chloe: f*re. It's all burning. Clark, I'm so sorry. [ Sits up quickly ]
Chloe: I've got to find him.
Clark: Find who?
Chloe: Oliver. [ Panting ] Someone took him when you were fighting Zod. They thr*at to take all of us. [ Breathes in ] So I put on Fate's helmet. I couldn't lose him.
[ Clark nods ]
Clark: Okay, where is he?
Chloe: Don't worry. Everything's going to be fine, and I saw it. Clark, I saw you, too. You were the world's hero, and you weren't in black. And there was a f*re, in a lab, Clark, I think Cadmus is burning. You have to go.
[ Clark nods and super-speeds away ]
[ Chloe has tears in her eyes ]
Chloe: [ Voice breaks ] Bye, Clark.
[At the Kent barn, Lois clears throat and opens box, revealing the Superman suit ]
Lois: [ Sighs ] So much better in technicolor. [ Smiles ]
[ Floorboards squeak; Lois puts lid back on and stands up ]
Lois: I was beginning to think you weren't going to make it.
[ Lois gets h*t, groans, and falls down ]
Lex's clone: Wouldn't've missed it for the world.
[ Door opens ]
Tess: Clark.
Clark: Tess, what happened? I left you at the hospital. Your face ...
Tess: I've no idea how I got here, but when I woke up, I was completely healed.
Clark: Wait ... everyone else in the building is d*ad. Who did this?
Tess: It was Lex. It was one of his clones. Look, I know this sounds insane, but the real Lex was incubating dozens of them. I think he planned to use parts of their bodies to heal his own.
[ Breaks chain ]
Tess: Clark, but this one ... this one had to be 20 years older, and he destroyed the rest of them.
Clark: Why are you still alive?
Tess: He told me to give you a message. He said that you can save me, and that when you did, it was finally time for the two of you to face off. He's in Lawson's Field.
[ Lois is tied to a cross ]
Lois: What? [ Grunts ]
Lex's Clone: "And would that I might endure his agony, as well as mine". The Scarlett Letter. Of course, the letter is a mark of shame. At least it was when I found Clark tied to that post 10 years ago.
Lois: You know Clark?
Lex's Clone: I saved him that day, right here in this very spot, and all he did was betray me.
Lois: [ Shaky voice ] Lex. What happened to you?
Lex's Clone: I've evolved ... . [ flicks lighter on ] and with age, comes wisdom. Huh? See Lois, you are his greatest weakness. Or should I say, The Blur's greatest weakness? Your death will break him.
[ Lois grunts and struggles to get out ]
[ Lex's clone drops the lighter; f*re burns ]
[ Air whoosh ]
Clark: Where's the real Lex?
Lex's Clone: The creator died 2 years ago ... a nasty truck expl*si*n.
Clark: If he's not alive, then why ... ?
Lex's Clone: Why am I? He created us to heal himself. He just didn't live long enough to reap the benefits. You remember this place, don't you? Not far from where we first met.
Clark: The bridge. Lex would've died if I hadn't pull him out of that car.
Lex's Clone: And you never let me forget. The truth is, by the time you dragged me to shore, something new had crept into your heart: pride. The most damning of the 7 deadly sins. [ scoffs lightly ] Now you wear that pride in your chest, right here [ he points to his chest ], in that self righteous symbol. But just beneath it lies the darkness in your heart, just like me. You are your own worst enemy.
Clark: I'm nothing like you.
Lex's Clone: We're more like brothers then you think. That's why you could never stop me because deep down inside, you know you brought death and destruction. The only reason anyone ever calls you a hero is because you clean up the disasters you unleash.
[ Clark pushes him down, then chokes him ]
[ Lex's clone grunts. Clark stops when he sees blood from his nose ]
Lex's Clone: I am dying, Clark, but don't flatter yourself. You didn't do it. I'm just sorry that this mutated body won't last long enough to see the world turn on you.
Clark: What did you do?
Lex's Clone: There's an expl*si*n rocking the roof of the Daily Planet. You can stop that beacon from plummeting to the rush hour traffic.
[ Clark stands up to leave but is stopped ]
Lex's Clone: Or you can save the woman you love.
Clark: Lois. [ angrily ] Where is she?
Lex's Clone: [ Chuckles softly ] Even you aren't fast enough to save both. Today the world will finally lose faith in it's heiratic hero, and it will destroy you.
Clark: Where is she?!
Lex's Clone: Where I first saved you. [ He grunts and falls back, d*ad ]
[ Air whoosh ]
[ Flash of light, and Clark super-speeds ]
[ Lois gruntis, trying to get free, then coughs ]
[ Whoosh of air ]
[ Lois coughs ]
Lois: [ Breathing heavily ] Go get 'em.
[ Screaming and shouting ]
[ Clark super-jumps ]
[ Clapping and cheering ]
[ Air whoosh ]
[ Clark opens box from Lois back at the Kent barn ]
[ Flash of light ]
Clark: I defeated Lex. I refused to let him win, and I pushed myself harder then I ever have before. For a second, I thought I was flying. But I saved everyone. I don't know how, but I saved them all. I've finally become the hero you sent me here to be.
Jor-El. Pride, vanity. You almost took a man's life, and you dare tell me you're following the path I set out for you?
Clark: You told me I'd unfinished business here ... an evil here that I had to face. And Lex ...
[ The fortress rocks ]
Jor-El: The evil is you, Kal-El. The greatest thr*at Earth will face is coming. It preys on wavering souls, like yours. Once this darkness consumes you, you will be Earth's greatest enemy.
[ Clark shakes his head ]
Clark: That's not my fate.
Jor-El: You cannot be a beacon of hope when you have darkness in your heart.
Clark: Then why did you send me back? Why did you give me a second chance?!
Jor-El: I didn't. It was not my decision to give you back your life.
Clark: You may not see me as a hero, but the rest of the world does, and I decide my fate!
Jor-El: I regret, as a father, my faith in you blinded me to the truth. You will never be Earth's savior.
[ The fortress turns black ]
[ Oliver gets slapped ]
Man: Oh, it's your lucky day, Shamrock. I'm letting you go.
Oliver: Just like that, huh? See, now I'm disappointed. I was kind of holding out for a goodbye kiss from you. [ Oliver smiles ]
[ Man chuckles ]
Oliver: We're not done. I will hunt you, and I will find you,. You understand?
Man: You don't even know who I am. But I know who you are, and I will be watching ... .Green Arrow.
[ Takes blindfold off and punches Oliver ]
[ Soft music plays ]
[ Door opens ]
[ Tess gives Alexander milk. They both smile ]
[ Car door opens ]
[ 2 cars h*t each other, accidentally ]
[ Masks are taken off revealing Oliver, and then Chloe ]
[ Lois is looking at a photo of Clark and her ]
[ She has tears in her eyes and looks up, revealing that she is in the African desert ]
[ Clark takes out a letter from Lois, dropping it with a sad expression ]
[ Clark sees a figure in the distance; he walks over ]
[ Sound of a hammer being h*t ]
Clark: Dad?
Jonathan: Chores, Clark. Work keeps a man honest. Gotta protect the things you worked hard to build.
[ hits board with hammer ]
Clark: Are you real? I've missed you.
Jonathan: I never stopped watching out for you, Clark.
Clark: Then you must be disappointed. I haven't grown into the man you raised me to be.
Jonathan: No, you haven't. You are so much more then that, and I'm so proud of you, Clark.
Clark: That's one Dad.
Jonathan: Since when did you start listening to Jor-El, hmm?
Clark: He's right.
[ points to wood ]
Jonathan: Give me a hand.
Clark: I took my anger out on people.
[ Hammer hitting wood ]
Clark: I destroyed an entire building, I know now that I have within me to k*ll. I failed!
Jonathan: We're all confronted with trials, son, but the true measure of a man is how he chooses to react in the face of those trials.
Clark: You never had that problem.
Jonathan: Come on, son. I was so far away from perfect. I could never keep my own anger in check. I let it all build up inside me till it made my own heart give out. It was my fury, Clark, that drove me to want to k*ll another man. But instead, it k*lled me.
Clark: Lionel. But, Dad, you were just trying to protect me.
Jonathan: We can't make excuses for the dark stains on our hearts, son.
Clark: I don't even know how I got to this place.
Jonathan: We all make sacrifices, son, and every time we do, we lose a little something in the process. You've sacrificed more then anybody. It'd be easy to let resentment build up inside, but it's got to come out somewhere.
Clark: I feel like every time I do something right, I do something wrong. Sometimes I think it would be easier if you were here.
Jonathan: [ chuckles lightly ] Not a day goes by, Clark, when I don't regret not being able to be right here for you. I would do anything, I would give anything to be able to get a second chance to get it right. You got that second chance, son. You could be the greatest hero the world has ever known.
Clark: Not according to Jor-El.
Jonathan: [ Scoffs ] Well then, do what you do best: prove him wrong.
[ Clark nods. Jonathan pulls him into a hug and kisses his forehead ]
Jonathan: Jor-El was right about one thing. [ sniffs ] Something dark is coming. You're going to be tested.
[ Hammer hits wood ]
Jonathan: It's not going to be easy, son. But I have faith in you.
Clark: What's coming, Dad?
[ Jonathan is gone ]
[ Darker music ]
[ Air hissing ]
[ Dark mist is shown ]
[ Roaring ]
[ Heroic music is played ]
[ Inside the fortress, we see the suit ] | {"type": "series", "show": "Smallville", "episode": "10x01 - Lazarus"} | foreverdreaming |
Original Air Date on October 10th, 2010
Previously on "Smallville" ...
Clark: Well what would make you stay?
Lois: I would stay for you. [ Exhales ] Clark.
Oliver: You know, it's not what happened to you that destroyed this team, is it? It's what happened to her. Who was she, your partner?
Hawkman: My wife. Shayera and I were cursed by one of our enemies. Destined to fall in love only to watch each other die.
Oliver: You're not done. I will hunt you and I will find you, do you understand?
Man: You don't even know who I am.
[ Oliver yelling in pain ]
Man: Green Arrow.
Tess: With you, he has a purpose. I wish I could've given him that. And it kills me, 'cause you have everything right in front of you, and you can't even see it.
Perry: So, what do you say kid, Africa?
Lois: Perry White, he's offered me a job at the foreign desk in Kenya.
Clark: I think you leaving Metropolis is the best thing for you right now.
[ They hug ]
[ Car comes to a halt ]
Lois: Perry, it's Lane. I really hope this story is worth it because so far my dream assignment, is turning into a thousand and 1 Arabian nightmares. And you know what, I really hope your dm covers the 11 hour camel ride. And as for this newly unearthed tomb of !sis, all I see are some rocks and a couple of tents. Call me.
[ Indistinct Chatter ]
Lois: Hello. Lois Lane, Daily Planet.
Hawkman: They were star-crossed lovers. Guess you never know what fate has planned for you.
Clark: Chloe, where are you? I've left four messages. Jor-El warned me some dark forces were coming. I need your help.
Man: Check it out, page 3. Someone h*t the big time.
[ Keyboard clacks, computer beeps ]
Clark: Lois?
[ Bag thuds ]
Cat: Nope, It's Catherine, but my friends call me 'Cat.' Cat Grant, with a C. Want a cookie? I just baked them this morning, really gooey so be careful. I used twice the sugar.
[ Clark Chuckles ]
Clark: Umm.
Cat: No relation to the woman on TV. I get that a lot.
[ Extends hand, Clark shakes it ]
Clark: Clark Kent. Welcome to the Daily Planet.
Cat: Can I tell you how excited I am to be working at the Planet? [ Giggles ] After all those weeks of small town paper, my words are finally going to have a real impact.
Clark: I'm sorry you said weeks?
Cat: [ Points to herself ] Classic overachiever. Got that from my granddaddy. Back home, I basically owned the front page of the paper. [ Shows paper ] [ Sighs ] Now I can finally have an influence on millions of people. [ Turns radio on ]
Godfrey on radio: Hero Mania? I say hero menace. Don't tell me these masked-anarchy-loving vigilantes are out there to protect my kids. Don't tell me some abomination, who is too grotesque to show his face, but vandalizes our town with the letter S, is a hero. What's the S stand for huh? I'll tell you what, 'Shame.'
[ Clark slams the radio hard ]
Clark: H.R. doesn't allow us to listen to radio during work hours.
Cat: Bummer. I'll get you the podcast. You know Godfrey is so right, about everything.
Clark: Let's find you a permanent desk, this one belongs to someone on temporary leave.
Cat: [ Annoyed ] Lois Lane? [ Scoffs ] She's the one that got this whole thing started, calling those costume vigilantes 'heroes.' Please like it's not totally obvious she's in love with the Blur. [ Cat throws Lois's name plaque in the garbage ]
[ Clark gets annoyed and grabs the plaque and throws the cookie away ]
[ Clark slams the plaque down hard ]
Clark: Lois Lane, is the best crime reporter this paper ever had. Now there is a desk available over here by the copy machine.
Cat: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute, Mr. busy boots. I don't think you get it, I'm your new partner.
[ Clark looks even more annoyed ]
[ Credits roll in ]
[ Computer beeps, keyboards clack ]
Tess: I got your message. I have to say it wasn't the call I was expecting.
Oliver: Chloe's gone.
[ Tess chuckles ]
Tess: What you've been with her for 5 months, right? Sounds like things are right on schedule.
Oliver: No it's not like that. She just disappeared. No warning, no phone call, nothing.
Tess: Trust never was the golden rule for the kids in this clubhouse.
Oliver: Well, you just fit right in then, wouldn't you? Now if you think I'm going to sit around here and do nothing, just wait for my girlfriend to come back like Clark's doing, you don't know me very well at all.
Tess: Low blow, I'd say Clark's using every ounce of strength he has not to skip over the Azores and bring Lois home. He respects Lois enough.
Oliver: Maybe that's because Lois hasn't completely disappeared. There's not digital record of Chloe Sullivan anywhere.
[ Computer beeping ]
Oliver: Looks like she never existed.
Tess: [ Scoffs ] The only one who could erase Chloe, is Chloe.
Oliver: [ Chuckles ] O-kay. Come on now Tess, don't underestimate yourself. Although, I do have to say I thought the e-mail was a touch much.
[ Shows paper ]
Tess: [ Reads paper allowed ] Oliver, I never thought I'd have to tell you how I feel about us because the smile on my lips when I looked at you pretty much said it all. But now that you won't be seeing it anymore, I'll have to use words to tell you. I've never loved anyone the way I've loved you. And I never will again. You will always be my brightest star, my knight and shining leather, my hero. [ Tess smiles and chuckles lightly ] Oliver this may be difficult for you to face but I didn't write this. We both know Chloe did. I did help her reset the system, though. And in a bizarre way, she knew that I was the only one who would understand.
Oliver: [ Looks hurt ] Why'd she do this?
Tess: I just know it's what she wanted. I trusted that she had a plan. Maybe it's time you trust her too.
Lois: And I thought the Sex and the City girls had gaudy taste.
Hawkman: You might tell that to it's owner, the Goddess Queen !sis. She spent eternity searching for the cut up pieces of her d*ad husband.
Lois: Yeah, I can relate to that. My relationship just broke up into a zillion tiny pieces and I don't know how to put it all back together again. So, your a bonafide Indiana Jones, they fly you in to make sure that these aren't lifted from some souvenir shop, at Kairo?
Hawkman: If there intact and well preserved. Another words 'Hands off.' [
Typing on his cell phone reading the words "Lois Lane is safe. You owe me big time." ]
Lois: I know the Egyptians are big on the after-life but, burying your pet bird. Someone needs therapy.
Hawkman: That is the Sun-God Ra, bringer of light and life, he was revered.
Lois: He has the head of a parakeet.
[ Takes the stone ]
Hawkman: It's a falcon.
Lois: Potatoe - potato. So, why was this hawkguy so important?
Hawkman: Said that each day he traveled across the sky and through the underworld, to be born again at sunrise.
Lois: A God reborn with the sun.
Hawkman: Thank you Eti.
Lois: I have to admit this assignment, a little out of my strike zone. I mean I was raised by a very grounded 4-star general, who believed in what you can see, touch, blow up ...
Hawkman: Can easily be explained.
Lois: It's just, you can live your whole life without any proof of something, like a God or whatever, and then one day you look up and realize the guy sitting across from you is Ra.
Hawkman: You think the guy sitting across from you is an ancient sun-God?
Lois: No of course not. But what if he were? One minute you know, you know what you know, and the next you realize you don't really know anything but you want to know everything. What is the world like for him? Does he feel pain? How does he heal? When does he sleep? Does he even sleep?
Hawkman: This is going to require something stronger than tea.
[ Curtain opens ]
Lois: How can he stand driving in a car when they move so much slower then he does? Th-that would drive me crazy!
[ Carter slams the bottle down with 2 glasses ]
Hawkman: Maybe you should just ask Clark. Now, why don't you sit down, before you drive me crazy. [ Hands sh*t glass with tequila ]
[ Car passing by ]
[ Car doors open ]
Cat: Safety first. [ buckles up ]
[ g*n cocks, sh**t b*llet ]
Cat: My granddaddy always told me seat-belts save lives.
[ Car blows up ]
[ Clark saves Cat ]
Cat: [ panting ] Oh my gosh, Clark. We almost died.
Cat: [ Over the phone ] Hi, no, no don't tell him that it's me, he'll just get upset. Look, I'm not going to be able to make the pick-up tonight. I'll call as soon as I can. Okay, got to go.
[ Phone beeps ]
Clark: You want to tell me, what you got caught up in? Someone did just try to k*ll you.
Cat: [ Chuckles nervously ] I was valedictorian. I mean trust me no one wants to k*ll a valedictorian.
Clark: Well maybe they got you mixed up with someone else.
Cat; Would you listen to yourself? You sound an awful like Lois Lane. Conspiracy around every corner, always railing against the establishment against the normal people.
Clark: Normal?
Cat: Like you and me. God, it must have been hard, listening to Lois's justifications for all these alternative values and lifestyles.
Clark: Lifestyles? [ pats tie down ]
Cat: [ Laughs ] Uh-oh-uh. Don't act like some good-corn fed-boy next door. Like you was going to try to tell me that these vigilantes are part of the natural plan. I mean it would be one thing if they actually had remorse, or wanted to change, but you know they have no moral center.
Clark: [ Annoyed ] Well that's easy to say when they can't come out and defend themselves.
Cat: Sure they can! They could come out of the shadowy gutters and to the light, so we could see them anyday. They just choose not to. You know Godfrey says that if ...
Clark: Look stop. I found something. The police found a b*llet in the engine block.
Cat: Oh my God. Why would anyone want to k*ll me?
Clark: Well we should get you some place safe. My friends won't mind if you stay at their apartment. No one will be looking for you in Smallville.
[ Dresser door opens ]
[ Oliver finds a photo of Chloe and looks hurt ]
[ Oliver finds a bottle and looks confused ]
[ Door opens, and closes ]
[ Phone beeps ]
Oliver: Don't move.
Cat: My self defense teacher said never stop moving unless your d*ad. Oh my gosh, It's you!
[ Oliver pulls the pepper spray can ]
[ Cat tries and use the taser but Oliver blocks it ]
[ Cat uses the bull horn but Oliver breaks it ]
[ Cat opens the door but Oliver slams it shut ]
Cat: No, just get it over with. I should've known you masked creeps were following me after your car-b*mb backfired this morning. You call yourself a hero but really your just an arrow for hire.
Oliver: Trust me, I'm not doing this for the money.
Cat: Face it Robin Hood, you and your boys do this for no one but yourselves.
Oliver: I'm not a criminal lady.
Cat: Oh, yeah? That's what they all say. But I've got eye-witness testimony in photos, to back it up that a group of you heroes been torturing innocent people by the old brewery by the docks.
[ Oliver grabs cell phone hard ]
[ Cat grunts ]
Oliver: Give me that.
[ Cat tries and opens door but Oliver is long gone ]
Cat: See, this is exactly what I'm talking about! [ Sighs ]
Tess: All you had to do was ask.
Clark: Cat Grant, isn't who she says she is.
Tess: I knew you two would have a lot in common.
Clark: Her real name is Mary-Louise Shroger. And thats not the only secret she's keeping.
Tess: Let's face it Clark, your not going to like anyone sitting in Lois's chair. So why don't you just take a coffee break, run to the Sahara, and bring her back?
Clark: Lois left for a reason, if I care for her I'll respect that.
Tess: How progressive of you. If you really believe it.
Clark: Look the point is something weird is going on with Cat. She's making suspicious phone calls, and this morning she almost got blown up in her car. That expl*si*n was caused by a b*llet somehow lodged perfectly in the combustion chamber. It's engraved. The only letters visible are A, R, N, T.
Tess: Cat Grant. I think I've seen this work before. Let's hope I'm wrong. [ Typing ]
Clark: You know who did this?
Tess: If it's the op I'm thinking of it was a top target of checkmate. One of the few they never got and one of the even fewer they fear.
[ Computer beeps ]
Clark: I can see why. A number throughout interpols most wanted, and the top 5 in the FBI and CIA.
Tess: Strikes target with surgical procession. And assassinates all witnesses.
Clark: What's his name?
Tess: Checkmate never could I.D. him. They just called him Deadshot.
Deadshot: You failed to mention what exactly it was I was dealing with. I don't make it a practice to let my targets walk away.
Man: That was just a test, had to make sure we were after the right guy.
Deadshot: You should've told me. Thought we were supposed to be on the same team.
Man: You should be thanking me, I just handed you the h*t of a lifetime.
Deadshot: Why would I thank you for something fate gave me?
[ Deadshot blows on the b*llet ]
Deadshot: Somewhere out there, we all got a b*llet with our name on it.
[ Door closes ]
[ Footsteps ]
[ Cat grabs a Kn*fe ]
[ Door opens revealing Clark, Cat gasps ]
Cat: [ Sighs ] Clark, I thought you were one of the so called 'heroes.' Thank god it's only you, you know you should really get yourself a b*llet proof vest like me. We all think we're made of steel but really we're just made of marshmallows.
Clark: Cat are you alright?
Cat: Well I was just att*cked by Green Arrow. I mean this is all part of that vigilante agenda.
[ Clark places Kn*fe down ]
Clark: And why would he want to hurt you?
Cat: The last thing they want is an honest A reporter like me, working at the Planet and exposing the truth about them.
Clark: If you're really about the truth, then why'd you lie to me? You seem to be hiding a few secrets of your own.
[ Cat zips up bag annoyed ]
Cat: No idea what you're talking about.
Clark: Why'd you change your name?
Cat: That's Adam. My son. He's with his grandparents until this all blows over, his dad and I went out for almost 2 years. I thought I'd found my prince charming but, little did I know they don't exist.
[ Clark sits down ]
Clark: You just have to be patient. You know I thought I'd found somebody who could make me happy.
Cat: Really? You think you'll get back together?
Clark: I used to. [ Nods ] But now I'm not sure. It's funny, when doing what you think is right for someone, it can feel so ... wrong. How about you and this guy?
Cat: Well Clark, not every guys as nice as you. I had to get Adam away from him.
Clark: I'm sorry. Does he know where you are?
Cat: I changed my name so he couldn't find us. You know, I had so much I was fighting for, trying to change the world. And now I have to hide behind the power of the pen and a new name. Making sure nobody knows whose behind the words I'm printing.
[ Clark nods ]
Clark: Kind of like the vigilantes. Must have been scary escaping from him.
Cat: All I know is I protected my son. You know the world may never see me as some big hero, maybe someday my son will.
[ Phone goes off ]
[ Phone beeps, revealing a message from Tess saying "meet me at the Planet ... URGENT!" ]
Clark: I have to go.
Cat: Clark, what about the Green Arrow? And those freaks that tried to blow me up? They know where I am!
Clark: Just stay here, you'll be safe. I'll be back. I promise.
[ Door opens, closes ]
[ Cat notices a black wig ]
[ Carter slams sh*t glass down ]
Lois: It feels like somehow I was destined to be with Clark, but his destiny is so much bigger. And the last thing that I would ever want is to be the one thing that holds him back or stands in the way.
Hawkman: And what if you're exactly the thing that might help him be the person you know he can be? What if you're the one who makes his burden easier to bear?
Lois: Do you think that's why he sent you? To make sure I was safe?
Hawkman: He worries about you. He still thinks you don't know about his powers.
[ Lois shakes her head ]
Lois: See thats another reason for me to be here. [ Chuckles lightly ] When it comes to big secrets I'm not exactly Mada Hare. I could blow it all for him.
Hawkman: With every great relationship Lois, comes a great burden. And the strength to carry it.
Lois: Okay, well ... I better get my beauty sleep. [ Stands up to leave ] All this dry heat.
Hawkman: Lois, [ Stands up as well ] I'd like you to have something, it was given to me by my wife. It's a story, about two star-crossed lovers. Prince Khufu and Shayera were m*rder by an evil man but, there love was so strong they were bonded for all eternity. Lifetime after lifetime, they were reborn, to find their one true love. Only to loose each other in death again.
Lois: That's a terrible story.
Hawkman: I like it.
Lois: If you're into the whole Egyptian Groundhog day thing.
Hawkman: After many years Khufu grew tired of always waiting to find his beloved. So he traveled the world, seeking other women, trying to forget Shayera. Unable to rid her from his heart he returned home, resigned to his fate. No sooner did he arrive at the palace when he saw her, she was there all along but he didn't recognize her because the time wasn't right. He needed to wait, because it made their love stronger, and their kiss that much sweeter.
[ Carter kisses Lois ]
[ Lois slaps Carter really hard ]
Lois: Try that again and the next thing kissing your lips will be my fist. [ Walks away ]
[ Door opens ]
Tess: I had Luthorcorp ballistics people up all night taking up that slug from Cat's car.
Clark: I appreciate that, thanks.
Tess: I'm not asking for your thanks Clark, just your trust. You need me.
Clark: You said this was urgent.
Tess: After the lab techs pulled apart the b*llet and re-assembled it, they found this. [ shows computer reading "Clark Kent." ]
Clark: Target is me?
Tess: Guess our assassin never was after Hello Kitty.
Clark: This guy doesn't know that car expl*si*n and b*ll*ts don't hurt me.
Tess: It's possible he's just testing you. To see what you're made of.
Clark: Why hasn't he come after me again?
Tess: Maybe he didn't realize how difficult of a target you are.
Clark: This guy never gives up, and he gets every detail right. There must be more to his plan.
Tess: If he knows your faster then his b*ll*ts the only place to aim, is at someone he knows you'll save. And maybe, you'll be there to ...
Clark: Act as a shield. It's Cat, I've got to get back to Smallville.
[ Computer beeps ]
Tess: Too late, our kitten reporters already on the move.
[ Indistinct chatter ]
Cat: Pack up Adams things and have him ready. Someones after me, and he may know about us.
Deadshot: I liked you better as a blonde.
[ Phone clicks off ]
Cat: Why are you doing this to me? I didn't do anything.
Deadshot: Funny thing about fate, you can't outrun it. [ Shows g*n, and cocks it ] Either it's your day or it's not, sweetpea.
Cat: Please no, my son. He's just 2 years old, I'm all he's got.
Deadshot: Trust me, he'll get over you. 3 or 4 years he won't even remember your face. People about to die always think that that special love won't be able to go on without em, but the truth is, that person just finds someone else to love. Everyone is replaceable.
Cat: I used to think everyone could be saved. Even those super hero freaks. But now I realize, some people are just born d*ad.
[ Hits him with a suitcase and runs ]
[ Takes wig off and throws herself out of a bin ]
[ Cat bumps into people and continues running ]
[ Cat falls down and grunts ]
[ Cat runs up the stairs and bangs on the door ]
[ Cat notices the big aim target and closes her eyes ]
[ Air whoosh ]
[ Beeps ]
[ Clark hits Deadshot and he falls to the ground ]
[ Clark saves Cat, placing the b*llet on her vest ]
Cat: [ Panting ] Clark? That was so brave.
Clark: Are you okay?
[ Pulls Cat up, Cat takes the b*llet off of her vest ]
Cat: I'm fine, thanks to my b*llet-proof vest. Don't leave home without it, Clark Kent. You can never be too safe.
Clark: Well I'll be sure to pick one up.
Cat: See, I don't need a masked hero to rescue me. I've got a real flesh and blood one right here. [ Smiles all girly at Clark ] People need to see someones heart to believe in them. We need to be inspired by people who stand out in the light. Not people who shrink into the shadows. We need a good 'ol American hero in red, white, and blue. Or at least red and blue. [ Chuckles and walks away ]
[ Indistinct chatter ]
[ Carter splashes his face with water leaving a Deadshot mark on him ]
Man: Do you miss me? You know I've got to say we have something special, you didn't crack on the first beating. You made me work for it.
Oliver: I'm glad it was good for you too.
[ Cocks g*n ]
Oliver: Take it easy there commando. I'm just a guy over here with a bow and arrow.
Man: You're wasting your talent Queen, you could make a real difference out there. Tide is turning, people are getting nervous about vigilantes roaming the streets. Taking the decisions and the glory out of the hands of the suits in power.
Oliver: I'm not running for office, I'm just putting bad guys in jail.
Man: Well it's going to get tougher the longer you and your little league of heroes stay half in, half out. That's the beauty of my group, everybody thinks we're d*ad. [ puts g*n up ] We could use you, but this is your one and only offer.
Oliver: You raise a good point. [ Throws arrow ]
[ Man hits Oliver with a b*llet leaving the sign on him ]
Oliver: On the other hand, you did just sh**t me.
[ Oliver hits the guy, the guy falls and Oliver kicks him ]
Oliver: Where's Chloe Sullivan? Where is she? [ Man grunts in pain ] I'm sorry [ Oliver kicks him again ] Agh! I can't hear you. Where ... is Chloe Sullivan?
Man: [ Sighs ] It wasn't a kidnapping, it was a trade.
[ Oliver punches him ]
Oliver: Trade for what?!
Man: You! [ Chuckles ] You would've been proud of her, she didn't crack. She downed cyanide pills just to save your life. She's d*ad.
[ Oliver looks hurt and looks like he wants to cry ]
[ Oliver drops the guy ]
Clark: Oliver.
Oliver: Chloe is a gone.
Clark: What do you mean?
Oliver: Those people who were holding me at that old brewery, she a-she traded herself in so I could be free.
Clark: Who are these people? What do they want with Chloe?
[ Oliver shakes his head ]
Oliver: It's a group of people who call themselves crime fighters. They think we should all remain hidden in the shadows. They tried to t*rture her Clark, she b*at them at their own game. She took a cyanide pill.
Clark: [ Shakes head ] No Chloe wouldn't.
Oliver: [ shows bottle ] Then she took this. [ Throws bottle to Clark ] I found that at her apartment, I had it tested and there's traces of a cyanide antidote in there. She faked her own death.
Clark: She was planning to go. She saw the future, she put on Dr. Fates helmet trying to find you, and said it was going to be okay.
Oliver: [ angrily ] You just let her go?
Clark: I'd no idea she was leaving.
Oliver: She put on the Fate's helmet Clark. That should've told you something.
Clark: Look, I understand how much she means to you Oliver, but for years she's been asking us to treat her as one of us, she begged me to trust her, and the decisons that she made. If she put this much planning and thought into leaving she knew what she was doing.
Oliver: I go out every night, I protect unfamiliar faces so that they can go home and be with the people that they care about. The one person that I should have been protecting the most ... ..[ Clark looks down feeling bad for Oliver ] I failed her.
Clark: We didn't choose this. We both know this is what we were born to do.
Oliver: You playing the fate card, is that what you're doing again? That's what gets you through the day? You sit around doing nothing while these people that we protect, they paint us as vigilantes, Clark! The woman that you love ran away.
Clark: You think I don't want to go get Lois and bring her back? [ Shows ticket ] They left us Oliver. With our lives we can't blame them.
Oliver: Well what if we hadn't remained hidden? Huh? What if we didn't put our identities out there to be held hostage? Would this still be happening? Clark I think we have to forge a new fate here. We've lost way too much, somethings gotta change.
[ Handcuffs clinking together ]
Man: Not even a hello?
Deadshot: Rotting in jail ain't my idea of a good time. Your draw.
Plastique: You nailed your target, now let's get you out of here.
[ Opens door ]
Deadshot: About time.
Plastique: [ Scoffs and chuckles, clearly annoyed ] I'm sorry, what's redneck for 'bite me?'
Man: Plastique.
Plastique: Sir, our costume counter parts are officially tagged and released. Soon as we spring wider, over here we can track their every move.
Man: Let's give these boys a taste of what it's like to mess with the su1c1de Squad.
[ Indistinct chatter ]
Hawkman: Lois! About last night, I'm sorry. I guess I got a little too caught up in my story.
Lois: You forgot to mention the most important part, it was an autobiography. I found this [ hands paper ] in the book. [ paper reads "To Carter, My once and ever Prince with Love, Shayera. Shanghai 1824" ]
Hawkman: Lois, surely you don't think that ...
Lois: Let's just say I wasn't born yesterday, you're not the only one of Clark's friends with a mysterious past.
Hawkman: Clark did say you were wise beyond your years. I hope last night will remain between us. I'm not sure Clark would forgive me if he knew.
Lois: Some leads are better left buried. [ Smiles ] So if you were just here to babysit me as a favor to Clark, what was with the heart-to-heart? Something tells me that story time wasn't exactly part of the agreement.
Hawkman: It's my wife, I've been hearing her in my thoughts and last night I had a vision of her. When that happens, I know I'll be joining her soon in a new life. But to do that, I must first leave this one.
Lois: Leave? Like die?
Hawkman: It's time I meet my destiny, Lois. But before I go, I wanted you to meet yours. He can't do it without you. You're his Shayera.
Lois: Carter I am not like you and Shayera and ... .Clark. My future is here in Africa.
Hawkman: You know the philosopher Nietzche believed we should live for the future but for the present. He thought that people who chased after some far off future dream were really running away from their true destiny.
Lois: Yeah well Nietzche can call me a chicken if he wants, but he has never dated someone like Clark Kent.
Hawkman: It wouldn't've mattered, to him the true hero was the person who embraced the life that he or she was given, and made it better. He called that person ubermensh.
Lois: A Superman.
Hawkman: Nietzche believed that all of us could be one. In our own way.
[ Clark reveals himself at the rooftop with a new suit ] | {"type": "series", "show": "Smallville", "episode": "10x02 - Shield"} | foreverdreaming |
Original Air Date on October 8th, 2010
[ Wind howls ]
[ Monster yells, bats fly ]
Godfrey: I need you to understand that, I need you to get behind that. These illegal aliens are stealing our jobs, they're dodging taxes, and like so many others they're thumbing their noses in the face of truth, justice, and the American way.
[ Window tapping, lightning ]
Godfrey: It's time to sign off now, but a big thank you to my loyal followers; we're small, but we're loud. This is Gordon Godfrey saying night ya'll, stand up for the American dream.
[ Clicks off ]
[ Window breaks, Gordon screams ]
Godfrey: You will not be saved, don't put your faith in this hero menace!
[ Clapping ]
Godfrey: Vote this Fall. Because I am afraid for our nation. Terrified, for the innocent people of this country who are counting on these vigilantes to lift them up out of the darkness. Out of the darkness and into the light. [ More clapping ]
[ Godfrey continues speaking in the distance ]
Lois: 50 bucks says the crackpot with the Blur in his bonnet is just g*n for a little attention.
[ Clark smiles ]
Clark: [ Quietly ] Lois. Hey.
Lois: Hey.
[ They hug tightly]
Lois: Sorry about the lame letter, I'm lousy at good-byes.
Clark: No I ... it's just, I figured that something happened.
Lois: You mean something like "Go to Africa, Lois"?
Clark: Well I may ... maybe I said that, but I ...
Lois: I thought you wanted me to take the job?
Clark: No! It-ju-it look I knew it was a big break for your career. Right, well now that you're back are we uh ... partners?
Lois: Of course [ Smiles ] Unless you're disappointed I'm not blonder?
Clark: Cat? No she's uh ...
Lois: Misguided?
Clark: Misguided. [ nods ] She's no Lois Lane.
Lois: Well, obviously.
Clark: [ Looks at watch ] She uh ... She actually was supposed to meet me here. We were going to cover the signing.
Lois: Hmm, strangest thing about Miss Grant, she was um, conveniently volunteered to cover a dog-sled race in Alaska.
[ Clapping in distance ]
Godfrey: We know who our real heroes are, and they are not these faceless mutants. These aborations skulking in the shadows. Their powers serve their secret vigilante agenda.
[ Clapping and cheering ]
Clark: They're really into this guy aren't they?
Lois: Well I'm sure the Blur knows that he is just taking pot-sh*ts to sell books.
Clark: Yeah. This guy's probably not even on the Blur's radar.
Godfrey: And what about this Blur? A freak, a pariah so disfigured he doesn't dare show his face. Is this the kind of savior you want your children believing in? I say no!
[ Clapping and cheering once more ]
Lois: On second thought this blustering blow hard, just crossed the line. Break out the marshmallows Clark, I'm going to roast this turkey.
Clark: Wait, Lois.
Godfrey: I say stop the menace.
[ Sign breaks, people start screaming but is stopped by Kara ]
[ Clapping ]
Lois: Isn't that your cousin, Clark?
[ Air whoosh ]
[ Credits roll in ]
Lois: Maiden of Might? Seriously illiterate much?
Clark: I need to find Kara.
[ Lois sighs ]
Lois: Bye-bye Barbie dream desk. [ Throws everything away ]
Clark: At least someone figured out where she flew off to. I can't believe I just said that out loud. [ Clicks computer ]
Lois: You must have been pretty surprised by your cousins super-girl status?
Clark: Well, yeah she didn't tell me about it.
Lois: She must have had a close encounter with a meteor rock. [ Clark nods ]
Clark: Yeah meteor rock, that's what happened. She was infected the last time she was in town.
Lois: But why would she flaunt her special skills? Coming out is a-Is a terrible, terrible move. You saw those crowds, Clark. All their doubts and mistrust.
Clark: Yeah mutant vigilantes. Can't believe people would turn on their heroes that fast. But in the end Lois, you did win them over. You never know, maybe if the Blur was more honest and showed his face like Kara, people would be able to trust him. And then Godfrey's book wouldn't get so much attention.
Lois: That's a horrible idea. The Blur, got it right and Kara could learn a thing or two from him. By not staying in the shadows; she not only puts herself in danger, she puts you in danger too.
Clark: She'd put me in danger?
Lois: I mean everyone around her. All I'm saying, is Uber-girl makes for a great headline and people will swarm her with love today, and crucify her tomorrow. Think about it Clark, your captivating 'Cous needs to hide her baby-blues behind glasses and go undercover, before a hero-hater like Godfrey, turns his sights on her.
Photographer: Alright, great. Sweet. [ Photo clicks ] Sexy, powerful, you're the woman of tomorrow ... today. Yeah. [ Photo clicks ]
Kara: Let's take a break.
Photographer: Okay. Let's take 5 guys'.
Kara: It's been a long time, Kal-El. I missed you. [ They hug ]
Clark: I missed you too. Surprise seeing you today, how long have you been in town? You didn't come to Earth to be the first super-powered pin up girl.
Kara: It's critical I got my image around the city as quickly as possible. You just have to trust me, Kal-El. I'm doing this for you.
Clark: Kara, this doesn't feel like much of a favor.
Kara: I searched so long for my mother and I never found her. You and I, are the last survivors of the House of El. [ Sighs] After everything we've been through together, I had to come back to the one place in the Universe I have family.
[ Clark nods ]
Clark: Well, what you're doing right now flies in the face of how I've chosen to live on this planet my whole life. We both know that, now if you really care about family; tell me what you're doing here, and stop avoiding the question.
Kara: I didn't want to hurt you. Jor-El has given me a mission, I'm getting my powers and image around the city your a part of it.
Clark: He gave you a mission? What did he say?
Kara: He's let you go, Kal-El. I'm sorry. He says you're no longer his son.
[ Church song playing ]
[ Lois slams book shut ]
Lois: Not a bad read. Did you care to comment on your embarrassing save by a certain girl-wonder?
Godfrey: Bless my soul, it's Lois Lane. If you want a quote, you'll have to get in line.
Lois: You can save your holier than thou made for TV platitudes and drown them in some water mister. I have had enough of you blindly taking pot-sh*ts at Metropolises heroes.
[ Godfrey chuckles ]
Godfrey: You call yourself a journalist, but you're just a blind follower of these vigilantes.
Lois: One of these so called 'Vigilantes' just saved your skin.
Godfrey: She risked people's lives in a ploy to undermine the message of my book. She may fly, but I have a feeling that blonde bimbo is no angel. I have people investigating, they're going to find something on her and the other super-powered mutants.
Lois: How would you feel if someone started poking around in your life?
Godfrey: I have nothing to hide, but I do know one vigilante who does. Green Arrow, a connection of mine, who has toyed with him gave me evidence that the archer, is really a certain praved playboy; you're ex-boyfriend I believe. His secret identity will be revealed when I release the final chapter of my book online tomorrow. Even his true believers faith will be shaken.
[ Oliver breathing slowly ]
[ Memory fades in ]
[ Arrow tightening, sh**t and hits target ]
[ Oliver and Chloe kiss ]
[ Memory fades out ]
[ Oliver punches wood, Lois claps ]
Lois: Wow! Mortal Kombat meets wood-chipper, I like it. Too bad you have more to worry about right now then a 2 by 4.
Oliver: Ah, I'm glad to see that Africa managed to survive the whole Lois Lane envasion. Tell me, what brings little miss cut and run back to town?
[ Lois throws shirt to Oliver ]
Lois: Destiny.
Oliver: That old thing? [ Lois nods ]
Lois: Mmhm.
Oliver: You know you're not fooling anyone wracking up all these air-line miles. I know all about preemptive strikes, okay? You hurt them first you don't have to worry about the ways your going to eventually let them down later on. Then you give them whiplash writes them bad because you regret it.
Lois: Easy with the dress down buddy, I just ran for the hills because I thought that I was going to mess things up for Clark. We are so different I-not a bad different, I just don't know how his chocolate and my peanut butter are going to mix.
Oliver: Huh. I've never known you to surrender to anyone, or anything.
Lois: I'm not actually here to talk about me. There is a guy out there Gordon Godfrey, and he thinks that Green Arrow is my ex-boyfriend.
Oliver: He does?
Lois: [ Lois nods ] Mmhm.
Oliver: You know I think we just leave him alone, you know? Let the blow hard, eventually blow himself out. In the meantime, I can handle a few slings and arrows, I'm sure you can too.
Lois: Oliver, Godfrey's got proof. He has a secret chapter about you and he's going to post it online tomorrow. He knows who you are.
Oliver: Well maybe people deserve to know the truth.
Lois: People deserve to be saved, and it is safer for you if your in the shadows, it's safer for all the heroes.
Oliver: Maybe, or maybe the cost of keeping my secret is too high and it's time to pay the piper.
Lois: If you're not going to seriously step up and kick this creep to the curb, then I will.
[ Car door opens ]
Lady: Gordon, that interview was hot, hot, hot. We have a problem, your final chapter is going online tomorrow, and I haven't seen it.
Godfrey: I kept the only copy close to me for safe keeping. Didn't want it getting into the wrong hands.
Lady: Well I'm your publicist, don't you think I should take a look?
Godfrey: The secret stays with me.
Lady: Okay, well, I guess I have to trust you. I don't know what's gotten into you lately, three weeks ago you're a small town radio host, now the whole city's listening.
Godfrey: I need you to take me further. I want to be on every television, in every newspaper, on every computer screen, I want to touch every soul.
Lady: The whole world? Exactly how do you propose to do that?
Godfrey: If I can plant an idea, a seed of doubt within people; it will grow until it devours their faith in each other, and in these heroes. Faithless, it'll be ready to be lead down a new path, humans; are the best architects of their own undoing. All you have to do is give them enough rope, they'll hang themselves.
Lady: Take it easy, Gordon, you sounded a little scary there. [ Chuckles ] Why don't you take a break tonight? Let off some steam. [ Pats Godfreys leg ] I'll call you later.
[ Opens door and closes ]
Godfrey: Take me to club Desaad.
Lois: Yes, sir.
[ Ignition runs ]
[ Air whooshes ]
Kara: I know about your little shortcut to the Fortress.
Clark: Give me the key, Kara. I want to talk to my father.
Kara: There's no point in confronting Jor-El.
[ Clark grabs Kara's hand ]
Clark: You said he disowned me and I want to know why.
Kara: This is bigger then just Jor-El.
[ Clark grabs the key from her hand ]
Kara: A darkness has come to Earth. I've been trying to draw it towards me so I can stop it.
Clark: I was the one sent to Earth to protect it, Jor-El should've come to me.
Kara: [ Scoffs ] He said your not ready.
Clark: He's afraid that I'll fail. After all the trails and all the training that I've gone through. But he's the one whose confused, because I know my own destiny.
Kara: Kal-El, you think you have all the answers, but the evil thats coming is like nothing you've ever seen. It takes advantage of people's doubts.
Clark: There's nothing out there that I can't handle.
Kara: Pretty strong words from a guy who can't even figure out his own powers. It's the truth Kal-El, you've been on Earth all this time and you can't even fly. You can't come out this thing without all of your abilities.
Clark: What if you can't fight it on your own? You'd rather put the world at risk and trust Jor-El, then believe in me? Your my only family, and I need your help.
[ Kara nods ]
Clark: I think I liked it better when I was showing you the ropes.
Kara: I guess change is in the air.
[ Clark closes his eyes ]
Clark: This is easy for you huh?
Kara: No it's-it's not easy or hard, it just is. I mean I-I reach for the sky and the world just falls away. I'm not thinking of anything I'm just in the moment.
[ Distant chatter and sounds ]
Clark: The more I try to clear my mind, the more I hear.
Kara: Kal-El, instead of trying to force the noise out, why don't you just focus on one thing? Like that butterfly. Live inside that one noise. Make it your whole world.
[ Air whoosh ]
[ Clark falls to the ground crashing really hard ]
[ Air whoosh ]
[ Clark throws board hard angrily ]
Kara: Well, it's a start.
Clark: It's not flying if it's worse then falling.
Kara: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone against your fathers wishes. I shouldn't have helped you.
Clark: No. Look I just need to figure it out.
Kara: Your doubting your powers, your frustrated, you can't focus. You are not ready.
Clark: I'm not going to stand here and do nothing.
Kara: The darkness it came through a rip in the universe three weeks ago. You think it's just going to wait around until you're ready? Just leave it to me.
Clark: Three weeks ago?
Kara: What? What is it?
Clark: I think I know how it came here.
[ Air whoosh ]
[ Air whoosh ]
Clark: You said the darkness came through a tear in the universe, made sense. Three weeks ago I was on this rooftop when I opened a portal using the book of Rao. The darkness came through a gateway, maybe it can leave through one.
Kara: I've used my bracelet before. To open a portal.
[ Clark nods ]
Kara: This dark force is like a disease.
Clark: How did it become so powerful?
Kara: It can see your thoughts and feelings. It can find the one morsel of doubt that even the purest person doesn't realize they have inside of them. It can possess you, but it can't possess someone whose pure of spirit. Who has true clarity of purpose. What your father ... .
Clark: Thinks that it'll pray upon some weakness inside of me.
Kara: Kal-El, if this dark force possess someone with abilities like yours, it can be the greatest w*apon this planet has ever seen.
Oliver: Mom, hey dad. [ tsk ] I've been um, really trying to live my life in a way that would make you uh-proud of me, [ gulps ] I uh sort of feel like I've let you down. You always said the most important thing was taking care of others, and I uh [ sighs ] I tried, but I failed at that. The woman that I uh-that I love [ clears throat ] she-she sacrificed everything to protect me and um, sort of trying to figure out how to live with that. I can't have other people risking their lives for me. This has to stop. I'm sorry. [ Places kiss on the picture ]
[ Door opens, music playing ]
Lois: You look like a man who needs a little corrupting.
Godfrey: I'm on the hunt.
[ Lois slaps him softly on the cheek with a whip ]
Godfrey: For a little distraction.
Lois: I think the hunter has become the hunted. Well, well, well, huh. [ Chuckles ] uh-oh-uh-oh [ Pushes Godfrey down on the couch ] You've been a bad boy, so ... [ slaps his chest with the whip ]
Godfrey: Dangerous [ Lois chuckles ] What's your favorite tool?
Lois: Oh, I'm pretty good with a torque wrench.
Godfrey: Huh, kinky. I'm a torque wrench virgin. [ Godfrey grabs Lois' leg ]
[ Lois chuckles ]
Lois: Uh-oh-uh, now hands off the merchandise. [ pours wax on his chest ]
[ Lois slaps his hands playfully ]
Lois: Let's just put these up here, huh? [ locks his hands in handcuffs ] looks like somebody likes to be punished, huh?
Godfrey: Uh-huh.
Lois: Now where were we? [ Cracks whip ]
[ Girls walk in, chuckling ]
Lois: Yo, spray-on latex sisters. Hook a mistress up? You, sin on a stick, you just you know? [ shows his chest ] smash your body up against his. And you, you are the girl his mama warned him about.
[ Girls moaning ]
[ Lois takes out phone and snaps photo ]
Lois: That's right, make him pay. There you go.
Godfrey: Now that you got me under your control, what are you going to do with me?
Lois: Girls, why don't you go and uh spank each other or something? Things are about to heat up in here. Gotcha. [ pulls off mask ]
Godfrey: Impressive.
Lois: Great photos, definitely page 1 material.
Godfrey: You're a formidable woman, Lois Lane. You're seething with ambition, with you it's all about the byline, you'll do anything; sacrifice anyone for the story.
Lois: Oh, that's a little harsh, don't you think?
Godfrey: How much are those photos worth to you? Maybe I could give you something that's worth more. What if I share my evidence condemning Oliver Queen gave you the banner headline?
Lois: Tempting, but nobody's going to believe a word you have to say after they see all these sexy photos. [ Clicks phone ] Done, and done. You are officially fodder for the tabloids.
Godfrey: [ Angry voice ] I don't care about the photos Lois.
[ Handcuffs come off easily ]
Lois: Wow, [ Chuckles nervously] wow, they were fake. But I guess the-the purple feathers should have been a d*ad giveaway, huh? Hey [ Godfrey grabs Lois' wrist hard, Lois grunts in pain ]
Godfrey: I can see that you're pure of heart. It's too bad, taking over that body would've been fun.
[ Lois grabs tazer ]
Lois: Back off buddy, or I'm going to burn all the fur off your arms.
[ Lois tries to taze him but is blocked by Godfrey and punches him but is unsuccessful ]
[ Godfrey pushes Lois into the wall hard and knocks her out ]
[ Doors open ]
Kara: And I thought the Fortress was your only hideaway.
Clark: It's called Watchtower but it's more of a command post. It's sort of banded together a group of heroes.
Kara: A lots changed since the last time I saw you Kal-El. Maybe Jor-El underestimated you.
Clark: It's how we access the news feeds.
Kara: We should cast a pretty wide net, the host is probably in a leader with influence.
Clark: This Godfrey guy, he's everywhere. He's got a personal vendetta against heroes.
Godfrey: [ over the computer ] Any citizen whose been a victim of the vigilante menace, you're not alone. They pretend to be your saving grace, and they turn on you. They violate your trust. [ Clark uses super hearing ] These vigilantes are committing crimes and getting away with it. Open your eyes, people. How many times [ Super hearing stops ] do you hear about victims who were mugged ... -
Clark: Did you hear that?
Godfrey: [ Over computer ] And they don't even know who it was. [ Kara uses super hearing ] It's called super-speed folks. [ Stops using hearing ]
Kara: That's it.
Clark: The darkness is in Godfrey.
Kara: He's been pretty public, so it can't be hard to find him.
[ Computer beeps ]
Kara: Okay, I have a street security camera with a limo. Looks like Godfrey was downtown a few hours ago.
Clark: The driver with Godfrey.
[ Computer clicks ]
Clark: That's Lois.
[ Clark whooshes out ]
[ Kara whooshes out ]
[ Lois grunting, trying to speak but is gagged ]
Godfrey: Congratulations, Lois. You've proven yourself a true believer of these vigilantes. [ Lois grunts ] And your saintly suffering is just what I need to bring the Blur to me.
[ Machine whirs, tightening the bonds on Lois ]
[ Lois groans in pain ]
Godfrey: Fight all you want, you won't be able to escape your fate.
[ Music playing ]
Kara: What is this place?
Clark: It's kind of hard to explain, but just try to blend in. Look, are you sure that Lois' cell phone was tracked here?
Kara: According to the computers at the Watchtower, yeah.
Clark: We'll split up, we'll cover more ground.
[ Doors open and close ]
Clark: Godfrey! I'm here for Lois.
Godfrey: That's too bad. Her idealism and blind faith in the vigilante she loves has gotten her in way over her head.
Clark: What have you done with her? Let her go.
Godfrey: Lois has served her purpose. She brought one of you, to me. Are you sure you can win against me? You know what I am, you know the doubt in your heart. [ Scoffs ] You so called heroes are false gods, all of you, and when people stop believing in you; you'll shatter like glass.
Clark: Just tell me where is she?!
Godfrey: I can see it, underneath all of that bravado you're afraid you'll never be the hero you want to be. You wish you could k*ll me. I'm not the only one I can see that.You felt this way before, your heart is racing, you're at w*r with yourself, the turmoil is overwhelming.
Clark: Where is she?
Godfrey: There is darkness in you and great power, I think we'll go far together you and I.
Clark: I will never help you.
Godfrey: You won't have a choice.
[ Screeching, and lightning ]
[ It's blocked by Kara's bracelet, Godfrey falls to the ground ]
Kara: Are you alright?
Clark: It was like he could see inside me.
[ Lois groans in the background ]
[ Air whoosh ]
[ Clark see's Lois strapped ]
[ Air whoosh ]
[ Lois coughs ]
Kara: Are you alright?
[ Lois nods and pants ]
Lois: I think it's time we blow this bondage ball.
[ Kara smiles and nods ]
[ Clark is in the background with a sad expression ]
[ Door closes ]
Lois: Somebody should put Godfrey in some serious restraints, who knew Mr. family values had such a dark side.
Kara: Godfrey's not so special. There's two sides to everyone, even heroes.
Lois: Kara, off the record; what is it like? To have powers?
Kara: Lois since I've had my abilities I haven't been beholden to anyone, I feel like there's nothing holding me back, I'm free.
Lois: [ In sad voice ] That's too bad. I mean, It's great, It's just you're such a bang up gal and all I thought it might get a little lonely. [ Kara smiles ] Maybe it's easier to be a hero when you don't have somebody tying you down. I'm sure you think of people without powers as well, differently?
Kara: You know, it's easy for people to just see the powers and not the person behind them. I guess even heroes need someone to come home to, huh? [ Lois smiles ]
[ Places paper down ]
Lois: How's that for tying up loose ends? It's going to take more then a loud mouth with a deviant sex life to stop me. Buddy of mine at the Inquisitor ran it for me. Since leather and lace really isn't Planet fare.
Clark: Lois I think you went too far trying to discredit this annoying hero basher. You could have been k*lled.
Lois: Godfrey was undermining Metropolis's faith in it's defenders, I couldn't just stand by and let that happen.
Clark: What you did was brave, but..
Lois: Between you and me, I was terrified. My worst fear is to be alone in the world without heroes. Thank God Uber-girl, power-girl, mega-girl was there to save me from the galos. Your cousin needs a better handle.
Clark: Look just remember that heroes like her or the Blur, you put them too high of a pedestal they might let you down.
Lois: Thanks Clark, but I get it the super-powered are people too. They wrestle with their own flaws, but the Blur is different. He's my hero, no matter what he's afraid of I know he will always be there for me.
[ Clark accidentally bumps into Kara ]
Clark: Excuse me, sorry. Kara.
Kara: What do you think of my new look?
Clark: I think you look completely different. Why all of a sudden the cover-up?
Kara: You can't save people when you're the center of attention. But, I'm not going anywhere until I know Earth is safe from the darkness. Could be anywhere.
Clark: Yeah, I was wondering. The bracelet, it seemed to repel the darkness, not send it away.
Kara: I don't think the bracelet will work as a portal, the dark spirit is trapped inside of a host.
Clark: You're super-powered, why wouldn't the darkness want you? It's because you're pure of spirit. It's why you could never lure the darkness to you, with all of your saves.
Kara: I don't feel pure of spirit. I have just as many issues as anyone else.
Clark: But still you risked your soul to save me and if you hadn't jumped between us ...
Kara: The dark spirit would have possessed you Kal-El.
Clark: It's like he could see things in me I didn't want to face.
Kara: Now imagine that creature wielding all of your powers. People of this planet would be doomed.
Clark: You sound like my father that I was destined to fail.
Kara: Failure is something that we all have to live with, but it's how you overcome it that defines you. [ Clark nods ] I know this isn't easy for you, but I need you to leave the darkness to me. This isn't your fight.
[ Clark notices the 'S' symbol on the wall with a mark on it ]
Man: Kind of makes you wonder if we put too much faith in these vigilantes.
Clark: Or maybe the Blur isn't the hero he thinks he is.
[ Lois slams something on the desk ]
Lois: [ Sighs ] Whose your mama?
Oliver: Is that a trick question?
[ Lois laughs ]
Oliver: What uh-what is this?
Lois: That is the only copy on the chapter of Green Arrow that Godfrey was going to reveal today. Yours truly picked Godfrey's pocket so you can rest assured that your secret is safe.
[ Oliver doesn't look pleased ]
Oliver: Hmm Lois: Wow Lois, 007's got nothing on you, you're a brilliant and talented super sleuth.
Oliver: Thank you, I appreciate it, I know how much trouble you must have gone to get this. But, I can't uh-I can't have the people I love fighting my battles for me anymore, Lois.
Lois: What is this? Does this have anything to do with why Chloe took an extended vacation?
Oliver: About that, Chloe's not catching a tan on a beach somewhere like I told you she was, the truth is she left, and I don't think she's coming back.
Lois: What happened? Is she okay?
Oliver: She's okay, she's fine. But when a person you love knows your secret it becomes their secret too. And she was willing to give up everything to protect it, which unfortunately included me.
Lois: Wait, I-I think that you probably just need space. I know how she feels about you, she'll be back.
Oliver: Well I hope you're right. This has gone on long enough.
Lois: What's happening? What are you doing Oliver?
Oliver: Doing what I have to. [ Clicks button ] Send them in, please.
Lady: Yes, sir.
[ Door opens, revealing news reporters ]
Oliver: Thank you all for coming, I brought you here to make an announcement. People have these so-called vigilantes all wrong. There's only one way for me to set the record straight. I am Green Arrow.
[ Photos click ]
[ All of the news reporters start talking at once ] | {"type": "series", "show": "Smallville", "episode": "10x03 - Supergirl"} | foreverdreaming |
Original Air Date on October 15th, 2010
Kara: A darkness has come to Earth, this isn't your fight.
Clark: I'm not going to stand here and do nothing.
Kara: You've been on Earth all this time and you can't even fly.
Oliver: The woman that I uh-that I love, she sacrificed everything to protect me.
Bugboy: I'll eat, then I'll mold, and then I'll mate.
Braniac: I am the brain interactive construct, do not underestimate me.
[ Electricity, Brainiac yells in pain ]
Lois: It is safer for you if you're in the shadows, it's safer for all the heroes.
Oliver: Maybe people deserve to know the truth. I am Green Arrow.
Godfrey: There is darkness in you and great power. You're afraid you'll never be the hero you want to be.
Jor-El: You will never be Earth's savior.
Clark: [ Quietly ] Question. [ Throws magazine on the desk ] Maybe you're right Jor-El, maybe I'm not the one. Maybe none of us are. [ Footsteps ] Lois. Um, sorry I've been kind of out of it lately, I left you a message.
Lois: Yeah, 3 days ago, feeling better?
[ Clark slightly nods ]
Lois: Well no worries, you didn't miss anything in the news department.
Clark: Okay.
Lois: Seems the Blur took a little vacation this week too.
Clark: There must be something going around.
Lois: Hmm. [ Lois notices the magazine ] Hero haters, just when you think the world couldn't get more upside down, right?
[ Clark turns the magazine around ]
Clark: People probably don't want to put their hope in someone who is going to let them down.
Lois: He never would, let us down. The Blur, I mean, this person for one is going to stand by her hero no matter how much mud they sling.
Clark: Why?
Lois: Because, that's what you do when you believe in someone. [ Lois clears throat ] You know what you need? A pick me up. [ Throws football at Clark ]
Clark: Thanks Lois, but I don't think playing quarterback is going to make my day.
Lois: Depends on the cheerleader. [ Both smile ] Come on, did you forget? Tomorrow's our Smallville High reunion.
Clark: Wha-Did you say our reunion?
Lois: Yes.
Clark: You were enrolled there for like ... .
Lois: 23 days.
Clark: You showed up for 5.
Lois: That's a record in my book. Smallville's the closest thing to a pass that this military brat has, and I am not going to miss it. We don't have to be dating to show up at a reunion together.
Clark: A lot of memories there for me.
Lois: Come on, Clark. It would mean a lot to me, seeing all those familiar faces it was like I had a place, like I fit in. And you, I mean, you put the Smallville in Smallville, Smallville. Besides, what's the worst thing that could happen?
[ Clark chuckles lightly ]
Counselor: I've wasted a decade picking up the pieces from meteor mutant students, how do I get into college with a criminal record? [ Scoffs ] You can't, freak. See, I have spent years hearing their stories, and-and no-no matter how crazy they are, they always mention one person; you, [ Grabs doll ] Clark Kent. So nice of you to come back to the reunion, save me a trip. Looks like your bill is up, and it is time for you to pay.
[ Wind blows and stops ]
[ Footsteps ]
[ Brainiac injects with his finger on the counselors head ]
Brainiac: It's time to move on from the past, leave Clark Kent to me.
[ Credits roll in ]
[ Car door opens and closes ]
Clark: Just haven't been back in a while.
Lois: Ooh, [ Waves ] There's Eddie from chem class. Hey. Oh and Jake and the cupcake girl are together now. Hi, [ waves ] Sally 'pep rally' Dickinson has put on a few.
Clark: Lois, I don't really have a good feeling about all of this.
[ Clark and Lois knock into the counselor ]
[ Clark goes to pick up books and has a flashback ]
Lana: Nietzsche, didn't realize you had a dark side Clark.
Clark: Doesn't everybody?
Lana: Yeah, I guess so. So what are you, man or superman?
[ Flashback ends, Clark picks up books ]
Counselor: Well, look who it is, Clark Kent, have I got something for you; a hug. [ laughs and hugs Clark ]
Clark: Um, thanks.
Counselor: Oh, now don't leave early, we've got a special treat for you.
Lois: A couple more hugs and maybe you'll have to bahumbug some stuff.
[ Car reveals Greg the Bugboy ]
Lady: Welcome back everyone,isn't this great? I have the whole day mapped out for you.
Lois: Adelia, Laney, Lois Lane chess club. I sat through an entire game once.
Lady: Whatever.
[ The girls all leave ]
Lois: Mark, hey Mark [ hits him on the shoulder ] Smokin' times huh?
Mark: Do I know you?
Lois: Like you don't remember all of us behind the gym on a smoke break, I mean I was chewing gum at the time but, really? Nothing?
Clark: Hey, Lois let's uh go inside.
Suzanne: Clark. [ Chuckles ] I can't believe you're here, what happened to the bumbling nerd?
Clark: Susan Capra.
Suzanne: Suzanne, actually. [ Chuckles playfully ] You always mixed us up.
Clark: Well you haven't change a bit.
Suzanne: Buck, buck, crow.
[ Lois raises eyebrows ]
Lois: Oh.
Suzanne: Oh, here you go. [ Hands Clark his name tag. ]
Clark: Thank you.
Suzanne: Are you his plus one?
[ Lois has an annoyed expression on ]
Lois: I went to school here people. [ Looks at the name tags ] Lane, Lane, Lane, Lane. [ Notices Lana's name tag, and clears throat ] Lang. Whoa, [ Shows name tag to Clark ] old flames. I should've known this would happen, I haven't seen her since your barn when we were about to ...
Clark: She's not coming.
[ Lois nods ]
Lois: I forgot how many memories you have here.
[ Clark notices Chloe's name tag ]
[ Clark opens door ]
[ Clark see's flashback ]
Chloe: It started out as a scrapbook and just kind of mutated.
Clark: What is it?
Chloe: I call it the Wall of Weird. So what do you think?
[ Flashback ends ]
Lois: Clark. I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have brought you back here.
Zoe: Oh my god. You are friends with Chloe Sullivan.
Kid: Yeah, what happened to her? I mean she was the rising star of the Daily Planet like she always dreamed and now ...
Zoe: It's like she just vanished. Like someone found out that she knew too much.
Kid: Mm.
Lois: Looks like somebody took a bite out of Chloe's conspiracy cookie.
Clark: I'm sorry to disappoint you, but Chloe couldn't make it.
Zoe: Wait a minute, I know you, you're Lois Lane.
Lois: Yes, thank you.
Zoe: You dated the Green Arrow, aka Oliver, Oliver [ together in unison ] Queen. What's it like to date a a real superhero?
Lois: It-it was really quick it just-just a flash but I-I would date one again in a heartbeat. [ Smiles ]
Clark: So this is all that's left of the Torch.
Kid: Are you kidding? We carry the Torch with us everyday, everything you need to know about the mysterious and the unexplained.
Zoe: The Wall of Weird has gone viral.
[ Shows phone ]
Clark: The Blur.
Lois: What?
Zoe: Okay, promise not to tell anyone?
Kid: Okay, we have a theory, that the Blur was born ...
Zoe: And raised ... .
Zoe and Kid: [ In unison ] In Smallville.
Lois: Okay, I think your virtual weird wall has left you a push-pin short.
Zoe: You're the one who writes about him, you seriously never considered that all of these miraculous saves that Chloe wrote about in the Torch started right before the Blur showed up in Metropolis.
Kid: Yeah.
Clark: I wouldn't waste anymore time on the Blur. Seems like he's gone away and I'm not so sure he'll be back.
Lois: I think, what Clark is trying to say is that it's great that the Blur has been there to be a role model for kids like you to look up to, I mean how many people in the world has he inspired?
Kid: Exactly. Maybe it's a good thing he didn't show up for the reunion. I mean, he would have stolen your thunder Clark.
Clark: What thunder?
Lady: Okay crows, give it up for your alumni homecoming king, Clark Kent.
[ Cheering ]
Lois: Now this is the homecoming I'm talking about. Thank God you sweeped up that state championship in your senior year.
[ Cheering ]
[ Clark looks annoyed but notices Greg ]
[ Everything stops ]
[ Door opens, Brainiac enters ]
Brainiac: My sincere apologies for interrupting this festive trip down memory lane.
Clark: Brainiac. I thought we destroyed you.
Brainiac: Hmm.
Clark: But if you want with me, leave these people alone.
Brainiac: Oh don't worry, I'm only here for you. I want to slow things down, make sure you can soak in the special moment.
Clark: And what's so special about this one?
Brainiac: This is the moment that your life changes forever.
[ Flash and they are gone ]
[ Cheering continues ]
[ Lois notices Clark is gone but continues to pretend smiling ]
[ Flash of light ]
Clark: I don't know if you're a ghost from my past or the darkness that Jor-El warned me about, but this will come to an end, just like it did the last time.
Brainiac: I hope so for your sake.
Clark: For my sake? You sent the person that I love away, you tried to destroy Chloe, you tried to destroy the world.
Brainiac: And you saved me from all of that, Kal-El. I've come back to do the same for you.
[ Shows Legion ring to Clark ]
Clark: The Legion? You're from the future?
[ Brainiac nods ]
Clark: What'd you do to them?
Brainiac: I joined them. In the 31st century I'm known as Brainiac 5. Brain, time travel, all my creations, they brought the Legion into a new realm of heroism.
Clark: They helped me destroy you.
Brainiac: Nope, they helped you cure me. The problem is Kal-El, you and I aren't very different. We were both created one way or another by Jor-El. Both intended to save civilizations, to bring peace to a brutal world. But neither of us was immune to corruption through darkness.
Clark: But, what does that mean? All of a sudden everyones telling me that I have a darkness within me, but I don't understand what it is or how I'm supposed to change it. You destroyed cities, I may not make the right decisions but at least I'm trying to save people.
Brainiac: Then let me show you Kal-El. We can't always see it in ourselves. My corruption started with a nanobit. [ Scoffs ] Smaller than the eye can see, but that's all it took.
[ Brainiac walks revealing Clarks memory/flashback of his fathers funeral ]
Clark: My father's funeral. If you're trying to save me somehow why show me this?
Brainiac: Because this was a defining moment for you, perhaps the defining moment. The day you started to blame yourself.
Clark: Why wouldn't I? I chose to change fate it was my fault that he died.
Brainiac: Was it?
[ Dark light goes in, another memory fades in of Clark's father fighting with Lionel ]
[ Lionel is thrown breaking the wood ]
Clark: Dad.
Johnathan: I won't let you destroy my family.
[ Picks Lionel up and chucks him across the table ]
Johnathan: We can withstand anything you bring down on us, because we have each other. It's what will always separate the Kents from the Luthors. [ Sniffs ] Now why don't you get ... [ Starts having a heart att*ck, groans in pain ]
Brainiac: You can't change his fate Kal-El.
Clark: He was just protecting me.
Brainiac: And that was his choice. When it happens this day or any other day, Johnathan set his own destiny at the motion, you know that. You just won't let yourself believe it.
[ Car approaches ]
Brainiac: Why won't you forgive yourself?
Clark: He didn't have a choice. He's my father, of course he'd sacrifice anything to protect me.
Brainiac: We always have a choice, Kal-El. Your father didn't have to care for you the way he did, and still he made that choice everyday he was with you. He chose to be your protector. Just as you've chosen to be the Earth's protector. Nobody forced that on you, yet you've embraced it nobody made that choice for you. We all choose our own fate.
[ Grabs Clark and memory fades into Oliver's apartment ]
[ TV in the distant ]
Lady [ Over TV ]: Fans and protesters alike are in an outcry for the playboy turned Green Arrow, Oliver Queen. Who dropped his shocking announcement and has since vanished from society.
Man [ Over TV ]: I got kids, what happens when they grow up and they want to be vigilantes like him?
Girl [ Over TV ]: It's great he's helping people, but we can't all ...
Clark: This isn't a memory.
Brainiac: No it isn't. [ Sighs ] It's the present.
Man [ Over TV ]: All along, we can't trust him.
Clark: If you're trying to make me feel guilty about something, you just said that we control our own fate, Oliver made his own decision to come out to the public, he didn't think what it would mean to the rest of us.
Lady [ Over TV ]: Oliver Queen, if you really are the hero that you say you are, don't you think it's time to face the public? We're waiting for some answers.
[ Oliver turns the TV off, clicks button to talk over intercom ]
Oliver: Any calls?
Girl: Where do you want to start? Uh, CNN, BBC, Dr. Phil?
Oliver: No, I mean any calls?
Girl: Oh, um, I'm sorry sir Mr. Kent hasn't left a word.
[ Oliver looks sad and clicks off the intercom ]
Clark: [ Sighs ] He's always so 'Oliver' I didn't know that he needed me.
Brainiac: But he does.
Clark: But I don't know how not returning his calls amounts to some darkness within me.
Brainiac: You don't see it, the darkness is the past, and you hold onto it;
you dwell, you punish yourself and everyone around you for past mistakes.
Clark: I've had the privilege of mistakes. Even if we don't expect perfection from ourselves the rest of the world does, you heard what they said.
Brainiac: Then help Oliver be who he can be. Today, tomorrow, be there for him now and stop punishing him for his past with your silence and your distance. Let it go.
[ White flash, they are back at the dance ]
[ Soft music playing ]
Lois: Which one of these has the 'punch' in it? If you know what I mean.
Maddie: Sorry? We have lemonade and strawberryade.
Lois: Yeah but, strawberryade.
Maddie: Lois, huh, so who you here with?
Lois: I'm an alum. [ Shows name tag ] Lois Lane. [ Maddie looks confused ] I'm with Clark Kent.
Maddie: Really? Oh, I just always thought Clark was so dreamy you know? [ Lois nods ] That farmboy next door turned local football hero. Doesn't get any bigger then that. [ Laughs ] Funny, I always thought he and Chloe were meant for each other, they had that whole best friend with the hope of more thing.
[ Lois nods clearly annoyed at Maddie ]
Lois: Chloe's my cousin.
Maddie: Yeah, [ Sighs ] But then there was Lana [ Clark is clearly nervous looking at the two ] I mean how gorgeous can you get, right? And hard working, I mean how many cheerleaders run a coffee shop in high school? [ Sighs ] Lana and Clark were perfect, you know that first love you never get over it.
[ Lois is clearly hurt ]
Lois: I think I hear the veggie platter calling.
Maddie: Wait, so you're not hitched to Clark?
Lois: Not exactly.
Maddie: Are you engaged?
Lois: Nope.
Maddie: Oh, how long have you been seeing each other?
Lois: Well we're not really, right now.
Maddie: So, you're the moth not the flame. Are you sure he likes you?
[ Maddie leaves a sad Lois ]
Brainiac: Correct me if I'm mistaken, but you care about Lois don't you?
Clark: All I've ever done was protect her after what happened with Lana.
Brainiac: Interesting outcome. Lois doesn't seem especially protected. You spend so much time dwelling on the darkness of what happened in the past you're missing the present that's right in front of your eyes.
[ Door opens ]
Clark: It's one of the people I put away in high school, you don't know what he's capable of. I need to get back.
Brainiac: To do what? [ I don't know what is said in this bit] hang up your shield.
Bugboy: I have a message for Clark Kent.
Clark: [ angry voice ] Give me the ring.
Brainiac: Wait for the moment. [ Clark grabs his hand ] No Kal-El, you haven't learned the whole lesson.
[ Flash, Clark is transported to the future ]
[ Elevator dings ]
Man: Whoa, buddy.
[ Newspaper reveals the future ]
[ Clark bumps into 'future Lois' ]
Lois: Hey, watch it!
Clark: Lois. How? ... .
Lois: Not again. Come on [ Pulls Clark into phone booth ]
Clark: Wha ... -
Lois: Seriously, I know we agreed that we would keep our professional lives to ourselves, but what kind of secret story got you to dress up day? Here, hold this, and honey I know that you don't like them but you were the one that decided you wanted to wear them. [ places glasses on Clark ] And lucky for you I have a spare.
[ Clark tries to take them off ]
Lois: Hey, I know that you're not fashion forward, but if it ain't broke honey don't fix it.
[ They get super close and Clark is about to kiss Lois ]
Lois: Seriously, Clark I-I thought we agreed on a Daily Planet dress code. [ Sighs ]
Clark: Lois, wait how did you get here? I need to know about the reunion.
Lois: You-we need to table this all until later. [ Opens door ] We cannot have people thinking things. [ Phone beeps ] Perry, what the hell how many times have I told you that Trup can find his own sources?
Lady: Told you it's not him, it's just the guy from the 8th floor.
[ Clark sits on a desk realizing it's smaller then his size ]
Jeff: Kent, what are you doing?
Clark: This is my desk.
Jeff: Not for years, unless somebody's been seriously demoted.
Clark: Years?
[ Clark notices the name tag on the desk says 'Jeff' ]
Lois: Clark? What are you doing?
Clark: Lois, we need to talk.
[ Clark opens door ]
Lois: Uh, gloat all you want but those names are getting flipped the second the boys from ops do a flyby.
[ Clark sighs, throws glasses on desk ]
Lois: Clark, Clark, what is going on with you today? It's like you've never been here before.
Clark: I haven't Lois. I'm from another time.
Lois: [ Sighs ] No kidding, Clark, you're from a different planet. That's not exactly a newsflash.
Clark: What did you say?
Lois: I didn't mean to come off so 'Lois' it's just that sometimes when you get pensive I know that it's because you have the whole last son of Krypton thing weighing on your shoulders. Okay, but thats why you got me, okay to remind you that if you were going to crash land your spaceship anywhere, you couldn't have chosen better people to find you then the Kents. So you need to snap out of it.
[ Clark sits down confused by it all ]
Lois: Wait, I know what this is about, I forgot again didn't I? [ Grabs calendar ] Our anniversary.
Clark: Our anniversary?
Lois: Oh don't play dumb, you always hold it over me; the day you told me, the day you finally trusted me. It was-it was romantic and it was the perfect day and okay I-I always forget about it until the last minute but I swear it is not until ... [ looks at calendar ] see [ points it out ] I told you. So what is it?
[ Sits Clark down ]
Lois: Wait a minute, oh no, kryptonite again. [ Checks eyes ] Blue? Red? Not Green. Please tell me it's not the black because that was a disaster.
Clark: Look I just, I need the Legion ring. Lois do you know where it is?
Lois: Is that a joke Clark? Touch it once, shame on you, touch it twice, shame on me. And actually, [ Grabs Clarks hand to check the time ] I could really use it right now because we have to be on opposite sides of town in ten minutes, and unlike you, I have to drive. I can't keep the mayor waiting.
[ Opens door ]
Clark: Lois, I'm not supposed to be here.
Lois: I know we're late.
Clark: Late, Lois I need to get back. Look the Legion ring is the only way to do it.
Lois: Back? [ Clark nods ] Okay listen why don't you check your trunk of chutchkeys at the farm, isn't that where you keep all your go-to phantom catchers and Fortress disks and stuff? And if you need me, I am there, no deadline is more important then you, okay?
[ Pushes Clark and slaps his butt ]
Lois: Going up, you're going down. [ Does round circles over eyes ]
Future Clark: She's a handful isn't she?
Future Clark: You're right on time.
Clark: You knew I'd be here.
[ Future Clark nods ]
Future Clark: Time travel, think it through.
Clark: 'Cause you were me when you went through this, and I'm ... .
Future Clark: Well done my man.
Clark: How did I become so uptight and nerdy?
Future Clark: There's not time to chat about how, where, and why. We've been through weirder things, I need you on the roof.
Clark: When did I start taking orders?
Future Clark: There's a nuclear reactor about to blow in an abandoned plain on the outside of town. Now I can't be two places at once.
Clark: But if you knew it was going to happen why didn't you stop it?
Future Clark: You never would've experienced this and you never would've become me.
Clark: [ Sarcastic voice ] That's too bad.
[ Door opens ]
Future Clark: Roof now!
[ Air whoosh ]
Clark: That's what I become.
[ Blast sounds ]
[ Air whooshes over the city ]
Lois: [ over radio ] Mayday, mayday. We've lost control, we are going down. Mayday, mayday [ Man speaking indistinctly ]
[ Alarm blaring ]
[ Air whoosh, helicopter stops falling ]
[ Lois notices it's Clark and punches man ]
Lois: What are you doing? [ does round circles over eyes ]
[ Clark smiles, opening the door ]
[ Clark helps Lois down ]
Lois: I don't know what's gotten into you but there is a pilot with a raging migraine when he wakes up who wishes you could've at least thrown on the cape.
[ Clark smiles ]
Clark: Lois, you're protecting my secret.
[ They kiss ]
Lois: What else was I going to do? I would do anything for you, hardly news flash.
[ Clark chuckles lightly ]
Lois: Thank you.
[ They kiss once more ]
Lois: Oh, you drive me crazy.
Clark: I guess I should get going.
Lois: [ sighs ] Right, obviously. Busy day for a superhero. Don't be late, dinner reservations at 7.
[ Opens door ]
Brainiac: Not every man is destined to find a woman like Lois.
Clark: She's definitely one of a kind. I know why you sent me here now.
Brainiac: I had intended to be here with you but you interfered with the ring.
Clark: You wanted me to see how things would be with Lois, and flying.
Brainiac: I wanted you to see that your darkness lies not only in dwelling upon the past but in fearing the future.
Clark: I always hoped my life would be like this. With Lois, with all of it. 'Cause lately i've stopped believing that it could actually happen.
Brainiac: Well that's up to you isn't it? You don't need to worry about the future Kal-El, you can see that it's just fine, as long as you shed the way of the past. It's just the next time you decide to defy me, don't strand me back in the dark ages.
[ Both smile, flash of light taking them back to the dance ]
Bugboy: I have a message for Clark Kent.
Lois: Yeah? How about don't leave your date with punchbowl Maddie. [ Shrugs ]
Bugboy: Something tells me it's for good reason, you know Clark is the reason a lot of us are still here.
Lois: Oh?
Bugboy: I kind of got caught up in my web of obsession, he set me straight. It's not every place that has a hometown hero like Clark Kent.
[ Lois nods ]
Lois: That's the kind of guy he is. [ smiles ]
Bugboy: Just tell him, tell him thank you.
Clark: I guess you're right. I've been so buried by the mistakes of my past and so worried about the responsibilities of the future I lost sight of the present.
Brainiac: A hero is made in the moment, not from questioning the past or fearing what's to come. Just remember that Kal-El.
[ Light flashes and Brainiac is gone ]
[ Clark touches Lois's shoulder ]
[ Lois smiles and Clark leads her to the dance floor ]
[ Light and music turns off ]
Lady: Thank you all for coming, we'll see you all back here in another 5 years.
Clark: Sorry.
Lois: That's okay, who wants to dance anyway right? You saved me the blisters Smallville. Besides you know what? I have an early deadline tomorrow, why put off till tomorrow what you could do today?
Clark: You're quite a handful Lois Lane.
[ Lois grabs his hand ]
Lois: Look whose talking.
Clark: You were right dad, I never stopped blaming myself for what happened to you. It was a way not to have to let go. It's exactly what I have to do to move on, getting rid of the darkness of my past I've been carrying around. To be there for the people who need me now. I seem to hold onto Smallville. I will, I won't ever forget; 'Cause you'll be with me no matter where I go. I have to say the one thing I never could; [ Grabs a piece of grass on the ground and lifts it placing the watch underneath ] Goodbye dad. I promise to be the man you know I could be.
Lady: You're all set.
Man: Alright settle down people, we're close. And 3, 2, action.
Reporter: Good morning Metropolis, we have a very special show for you this morning. We have an exclusive interview with a very special guest who needs no introduction, Metropolis' infamous badboy and self admitted practicing vigilante Oliver Queen. Or should I say, the Green Arrow? What's on your answering machine?
Oliver: Yeah that's ... .
Reporter: It's not every day a billionaire admits to parading around in leather playing cops and robbers. Why do it? Seriously? Were you just getting too bored sitting around counting your money, decided to play dress up and it just stuck? Or how does that work, exactly?
Oliver: Huh.
Reporter: I think our audience would like some answers.
[ Oliver notices Clark ]
Oliver: I lost someone, she meant everything to me.
Reporter: So, for that you want what? A merit badge, and special rights?
Oliver: No. No, you're right I'm not special, this isn't about who I am it's about what I do. And-and I don't think I'm the first rich boy who felt that way. It was John F. Kennedy who once said "ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."
Reporter: So now you're-you're comparing yourself to a fallen hero of this country?
Oliver: Well why not? He saw the hero in all of us. I'm not dwelling on revenge for past atrocity's or looking ahead to what I can purposefully gain from a few tax breaks, drilling oil wells in the ocean, putting up razor wired fences to keep out immigrants who only want what our grandparents wanted. In this world of arm chaired bloggers, who've created a generation of critics instead of leaders, I'm actually doing something, right here, right now for the city, for my country. [ Oliver looks over at Clark and smiles ] And I'm not doing it alone, you're damn right I'm a hero.
[ Phone beeps showing a message reading 'Glad to see you're carrying my Torch ... CS' ]
[ The kids looked amazed ]
Lois: Clark.
[ lights and music turn on ]
Lois: Not that I'm an interior designer but one of these things doesn't exactly go with the other.
Clark: Sorry we missed our dance.
Lois: [ Shakes head ] You don't need to worry about me, Clark. [ Shrugs ] If anybody understands deadlines and urgent things, it's me.
Clark: I'm not worried about you. I've missed you.
Lois: Oh. Well, I-I don't know. Neither of us are primed for Dancing with the Stars, and speaking strictly as friends I don't know if this is such a good idea.
Clark: Lois, get over here.
Lois: I'm not sure how we're going to make this work, without the jukebox nostalgia and the balloons and ...
Clark: Lois.
Lois: Shut up?
[ Clark nods ]
Lois: Right, shut up.
[ They start dancing ]
Lois: Ow! [ Lois chuckles ]
Clark: Sorry.
Lois: Hey, I'm the one who put my feet under yours.
Clark: No, but I ... .
[ Lois shakes her head as if saying it's okay ]
Lois: It's fine.
Clark: [ Grabs Lois ] Let's just try this.
[ Lois put her feet on top of Clark's ]
[ Both smile ]
Clark: I love you.
Lois: [ She smiles giddily ] I love you too.
[ Clark smiles giddily ]
Lois: Clark, theres something that we need to talk about.
Clark: Just for now, can we leave tomorrow till tomorrow? And just have this?
[ Lois nods ]
Lois: Mmhmm.
[ Clark floats almost as if flying with Lois in his hands ] | {"type": "series", "show": "Smallville", "episode": "10x04 - Homecoming"} | foreverdreaming |
Original Air Date on October 22nd, 2010
Clark: Lois.
Cat: Lois Lane? She's the one who got this whole thing started. Calling those costume vigilantes heroes.
Lois: I thought those 'Sex and the City' girls had gaudy taste.
Hawkman: You might tell that to it's owner the goddess Queen !sis. She spent eternity searching for the cut up pieces of her d*ad husband.
Clark: And now that you are back, are we partners?
Lois: Of course. Unless your disappointed I'm not blonder?
Clark: Cat? She's no Lois Lane.
Oliver: People have these so called vigilantes all wrong. I am Green Arrow.
Tess: Sorry, for everything I've done that's destroyed your trust.
Oliver: You betrayed me, Tess.
Tess: What's your name?
Alexander: I'm Alexander.
Tess: It's okay, I won't hurt you.
Oliver: Yeah, uh so I'm not really sure about the spotlight, you know to me it seems a little ... -
Woman: Necessary. I want everyone to see you the moment you start down from the skylight.
Oliver: You want me to zipline in?
Woman: Oh it'll make the gala. We'll set you up with a wire and harness, imagine their faces as you come flying in daring, invincible, fans will love you.
Oliver: Yeah, alright. [ Chuckles ] Yeah, yeah no I like it. But I'm not going to need the wire, I'll just go ahead and use my grapline g*n for that.
Woman: Ooh, our insurance doesn't cover that; which reminds me do you have a helmet?
Oliver: Uhh ... .
Woman: Ok, no harness, no helmet. So after our guys finish moving everything over to the exhibit hall, we'll set up a platform next to the sarcophagus, which is where you'll land, and then the Green Arrow girls will out.
Oliver; Green Arrow girls? Really?
Tess: Billionaire by day, and hero by night. Oliver you're better than Christmas.
Oliver: Thank you.
Man: Miss Adrianna.
Woman: Excuse me.
Tess: !sis. A tale of eternal love, it's quite a title you chose.
Oliver: You know my love life may not be on the same shape it was when I started funding this project, but uh, I still believe in the story.
Tess: And you're hoping that wherever she may be, some feisty little blonde was gonna get the message?
Oliver: Excuse me.
Tess: If only you still were the same guy that Chloe fell for, and not a caricature of him. What are you up to Oliver?
Oliver: This city has embraced me, I'm trying to give something back.
Tess: Groupie love isn't real love Oliver, you used to know that.
Oliver: You even know what real love looks like anymore?
Woman: Oliver we have a uh, really serious problem. The uh amulet of !sis is uh, missing.
Tess: What a shame, but what do they say Oliver? The show must go on.
Woman: Well as far as I'm concerned, the thief will get what they deserve. According to legend the necklace is cursed, whatever soul dares possess it will be condemned to spend all of eternity in Hell.
Lois: Clark you don't have to hide the truth any longer. I know your secret, and I get why you didn't tell me for so long, but the fact is: knowing you're the Blur just it makes me love you even more.
[ Sighs ]
Lois: And I sound like a bad soap opera. [ Chuckles ] You know what I need? I need a good headline something, something snappy, something like 'hey Clark, you're Blurific'.
[ Chuckles and groans ]
[ Alarm sounds ]
Lois: Damn it, Really? 'Hey Clark, do you remember when the Blur and I kissed?' [ playing Clark's voice ]: 'How could I Lois? I wasn't there.' [ normal voice ]: 'But you were, because I could tell it was you from the kiss.' [ Clark's voice ]: 'Does it change the way you feel about me?' [ chuckles ]
Lois: [ normal voice ] When I realized that the man I loved and the hero I admired, were the same person it was like everything just fit into place. I'm going to start with coffee and donuts. Carpe deim Lois. You can do this, and by tomorrow you will be living in a brand new world. [ Sighs ]
[ Credits roll in ]
Oliver: [ Speaking another language ] Concerned look, stoic silence, what are you wearing anyway?
Clark: I'm telling Lois my secret.
Oliver: Okay, that's officially the biggest news I've heard all day. Why now?
Clark: I saw the future, recently.
Oliver: Okay, now that's officially the biggest news I've heard all day. You know you sound crazy when you talk like that right?
Clark: In the future Lois already knew about me, what I didn't see is how I told her or when. My instincts have always been to keep my secret, but then I see 5 minutes of the future that seems too good to be true, and ...
Oliver: You came over here hoping that I would try to talk you out of telling her, right?
Clark: Uh, no. Maybe.
Oliver: Well, I hate to break it to you, but I say go for it. Coming out was the best thing I ever did, I can finally be myself around here, and it turns out people actually like the real me.
Clark: That is an understatement.
Oliver: Look at this, 'For breakfast after a long night of keeping us safe.' It's the sweetest thing. Oh, and my new favorite cereal. And they sent spoons.
Clark: If I remember correctly you coming out to Lois did not have a happy ending. You told Lois the truth and she dumped you.
Oliver: Uh, we broke up, alright? Look, Lois and I were never really meant to be together. Clark she loves you [ chuckles ] that makes you a lucky man. Take it from me; living without love is not really living it's just sort of ... .existing. The question you have to ask yourself: Is what are you willing to risk for love?
Clark: Morning Lois.
Lois: Clark. Donut?
Clark: You chose first.
Lois: There's so many choices.
[ Both speak at the same time ]
Lois: What were you going to say Clark?
[ Desk bangs next to theirs ]
Cat: Hi, hi. Hope I'm not interrupting anything. Ooh donuts.
[ Lois shuts the box ]
Lois: No, no.
Cat: Wow, you Metropolis girls do have your own sense of style, don't you?
Lois: You should see what's underneath the jacket. Oliver asked me to cover the gala at the museum. It's themed, oh did you not get an invitation? [ Tsk ] Sucks.
Cat: Won't this be the greatest? Working together again? Our names look terrific side by side on a byline. I mean it was like we were meant to be partners Clark. You're the Popeye to my Olive, the Mickey to my Minnie ...
Lois: The sick to my stomach.
Cat: A source confirmed the museum is missing a valuable artifact from it's new exhibit.
[ Lois grabs the file before Cat can grab it ]
Cat: I thought we'd check Luthorcorps loading dock, that's where this amulet was supposed to arrive.
Lois: Hey, I've seen this fashion fopaw before. When I was in Egypt.
Clark: I appreciate the uh offer, but I'm already booked for a personal interview. [ to Lois ]: Roof [ Whispers ]: 5.
Lois: Well it looks like you're going to be playing in that Saharan sandbox by yourself. Don't get b*rned.
[ Door opens, closes ]
Lois: If there was ever a time for my lucky lipstick. So much for leaving Egypt behind.
[ Light flashes ]
[ Door opens, closes ]
Clark: Wow you look beautiful. Did you get that necklace for the gala? It's so Egyptian.
Lois: I must locate the treasure's of !sis.
Clark: You mean the article that Cat's working on?
Lois: Where is this Cat now?
Clark: She's probably on her way to the Luthorcorp loading dock, and I know that it goes against every bone in your body not to chase down a lead Lois, but there is something that's more important that you need to know. I wanted to tell you this before I just didn't know how, actually I did tell you once before but everything got out of control, and it wasn't your fault though, you were perfect. I'm doing this all wrong.
Lois: You said this knowledge was of great importance to me. [ Clark nods ]
Clark: I'm the Blur.
Lois: That is of no importance to me.
Clark: "no importance" if it doesn't change the way you feel about me, or "no importance" as in you ... .Lois. Lois!
Lois: This vessel might have once been called "Lois" but now it serves "!sis."
[ Flies away ]
[ Voice over computer ]: Carter Hall is offline. Attempt failed. Carter Hall is offline, attempt failed.
Oliver: Just typical you know? Just when we need a lesson on how to De-!sis Lois, professor Hawkhead takes a sabbatical.
Clark: Oliver we need help. And there's one other person we can call. Tess.
Oliver: Did you h*t your head? A: Tess Mercer can't be trusted. B: She can't do what Chloe did. No one can take Chloe's place.
Clark: Then I hope you brushed up on your Egyptian history.
Oliver: Courtesy of a once lovely know livid museum curator. I canceled tonights gala, Adrianna was not thrilled to hear that news, I told her a friend had unexpectedly flown in.
Clark: Please tell me these books are going to explain what happened to Lois.
Oliver: Whoa, whoa, the !sis myth isn't just about some goddess, it's about what people are willing to risk for love.
Clark: I had my lecture on love for the day.
Oliver: Fair enough, her husband Osiris was k*lled by his brother Sade out of jealousy, I guess being an only child does have some perks. Anyway, Egyptians believe that a person's soul remained in their heart, so when Sade dismembered Osiris's body and scattered all the pieces ... .
Clark: He wanted to make sure that his soul never found peace.
Oliver: Exactly, but the mighty !sis tried to resurrect Osiris. So she recovered his body, piece by piece, but she was never able to find the burial jar containing his heart. And to make sure that she never did, Sade trapped her spirit in an amulet.
Clark: Now that she's back, she's going to finish what she started. If we can find that jar then she'll find us.
Oliver: Oh Clark, because of his lost soul, Osiris was doomed to rule the underworld for all eternity. If !sis succeeds in resurrecting him, his kingdom will also rise. She will literally unleash hell on Earth.
[ Door is broken ]
Man: Hey, what are you doing in here?
[ Lois throws him back ]
Lois: Osiris. You're here.
[ Lois rips open lid ]
Lois: I have missed you for so long. What is this?
Cat: Two stories for the price of one. I won't let you get away with another crime Lois Lane, at least not without snapping proof of it first.
[ Takes picture, light and whoosh ]
[ Whoosh ]
[ Clark bends door back down ]
[ Whoosh ]
Man: Notes fro my latest therapy session with Alexander, he's an unusual boy. His intelligence is off the charts for someone his age.
Tess: Genius has a way of driving people insane. Is he s*ab?
Man: It may be too early to tell. That's why I'd like to move the boy to a facility, where I can monitor him around the clock.
Tess: [ Nods ] I'll make sure he's packed by morning.
[ Knock ]
Cat: Knock, knock. I know who this is. Even when no one else believes in you. He's the one person who loves you unconditionally. The one you'd risk anything for. You need Peter Pan and chicken noodle soup.
Tess: Excuse me?
Cat: That's what my little boy wants when he's not feeling well. I know the look of a worried mother when I see one.
Tess: This boy's not my son.
Cat: Oh, with the red hair, I just assumed that ...
Tess: Are you here to pitch the follow-up to your last piece, about the problematic squirrel population?
Cat: They're rodents, and probably rabid ... whatever, um, what I'm working on now is a history making headline. I know the identity of the Blur. And that so-called 'hero' is right in your bullpen.
Tess: I'll admit that our HR office needs a little bit of work, but..
Cat: Being a reporter is the perfect cover-up for the Blur. You-you can be the first on scene and no one will question it. You can cover your own tracks, you can blow your own horn ... .
Tess: You can be surrounded by people who expose secrets for a living?
Cat: It's time the world knows the truth. That the Blur is nothing but a liar and a theif. Lois isn't going to know what h*t her.
Tess: Ohhh, If this is just a petty attempt for you to one-up a fellow reporter Cat ...
Cat: Oh I'm not trying to scoop Lois, she is the scoop. Lois Lane is the Blur.
[ Tess laughs loudly ]
Cat: Laugh all you want, but you mark my words Tess Mercer: I will expose the Blur's identity and I will bring down this hero menace, once and for all.
Tess: You're telling me Lois Lane has turned into !sis? How the hell does that even happen?
Oliver: The current theory involves an amulet that's supposed to be at the museum but is apparently around Lois' throat.
Tess: So let me get this straight, Lois finds a necklace, gets possessed by an Egyptian goddess, and now is flying around like Amelia Earhart, minus the plane?
Oliver: Just another Friday night in Metropolis. Who's ready for the weekend? I'll make sure I relay your message about Cat to Clark, in the meantime he and I can take care of the blonde in her b*mb.
[ Tess pushes off Oliver ]
Tess: You don't have to throw me out Oliver, I'm just trying to protect Clark.
Clark: Protect me from what?
Oliver: Apparently the third wheel of your bullpen bust, thinks that Lois is the Blur.
Tess: Which is why I erased all the security footage of Lois crumpling a metal door with her hand, and throwing a security guard across a warehouse. Cat saw what she saw, but at least now she can't prove it.
Clark: Thanks for the backup. But we have another problem, Lois found Osiris's heart, and now I can't find her.
Oliver: Well she still does have one more layover before our non-stop to hell, she has to reunite the heart ... .
Tess: With the body to make Osiris whole.
Oliver: [ sighs and looks at Tess annoyed ] There's a sarcophagus at the exhibit, it's rumored to hold an ancient priest of the underworld, now I'm thinking ... .
Tess: That high priest is actually Osiris.
[ Oliver stares at Tess ]
Oliver: You stole my thunder there, Tess.
Clark: Look every one of those crates has a name of the museum on it, if !sis saw that, she'll know where the artifact's are headed.
Oliver: It's only a matter of time before we become permanent residents of the underworld, we have no idea how to get this Egyptian genie back in her bottle.
Tess: You don't, but I might.
[ Oliver shakes his head ]
Oliver: Sure, yeah just go ahead make yourself at home, please do it somewhere else. Off the laptop [ Closes laptop ]
Tess: You don't trust me still, Oliver I get it, but you need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
Oliver: Yeah, like the one that you're trying to paint yourself into? Our team, we protect secrets, we don't keep them from one another. I'm not sure you know the difference.
Tess: Lex kept a record of all of Luthorcorps active excavation sites, unfortunately he also deleted it. However, nothing in cyber space is totally lost. So it might take me a little bit of time with your low-tech laptop here, but I think that I can reconstruct the files.
Clark: Time is not a luxury we have. Please hurry.
Oliver: Where you going?
Clark: Try to prevent the end of the world.
[ Whoosh ]
Lois: At last, my love, we shall be together.
[ Rips lid off ]
Lois: No. [ Cries ]
[ Whoosh ]
Clark: You can't bring him back. It's over.
Lois: [ Sniffles ] It cannot be over. It is eternal.
Clark: Even if his body was there you can't risk hell on Earth, not just for love.
Lois: Then you do not know love.
Clark: I do. The woman I love is the vessel you took over and I want her back.
Lois: You would not risk the world for her?
Clark: Not for such a selfish reason.
Lois: Then do no pretend what you feel is love. For thousands of years my heart b*at only for one man. What you know of these things is but the wisdom of a child. Osiris was cut into a thousand pieces, he was doomed to the underworld, my spirit was ripped from my flesh and blood and I have waited lifetimes for him. All of what we suffered was worth what little time we had together and I would bare any cost to be reunited with him even for a moment.
Clark: Your memory will have to be enough.
Lois: Have you given this woman your heart?
Clark: She knows how I feel.
Lois: But you hold yourself back from her, hm? If you will not risk your heart completely then I will.
[ Pushes Clark ]
[ Light sounds ]
[ Clark groans ]
Clark: !sis, I know how much you love Osiris but you cannot sacrifice two lives just to see him again.
Lois: True love is worth any sacrifice.
[ Light beams in, Clark groans ]
Lois: The harm betrays us all.
Cat: Time is eleven-twenty three. I'm on the hunt for the Blur, I'm betting she'll come here to the night museum, looking for artifacts. And when she does; surprise you're on America's unfunniest home videos.
Lois: As once you lived Osiris so shall you live again. Through the ritual of life, I shall restore your heart and claim your body for the soul.
Cat: [ Whispers ] I will never understand liberals.
Lois: I bring you forth my love Osiris, so that we may stand together and face eternity.
Cat: [ Whispers ] Forget about her article, this is gonna land me a whole series.
Lois: Pulse with blood that once was spilt, b*at again with love and life. [ Light beams in ]
[ Heart beats ]
Lois: Take this body for your own and rise to rule from the rightful throne.
[ Cat bumps into an artifact and it falls, crashing to the floor ]
[ Light beams in and heart stops beating ]
[ Cat screams ]
Cat: Help! There's a crazy woman in tacky gladiator boots after me.
[ Cat yelps ]
Cat: Wait, stop. No! This isn't what I had in mind.
Oliver: There's gotta be an easier way for a girl to get a date in this town.
Lois: Your heart is brave, but I can see it belongs to a lonely soul. A warrior with a vacant heart. You try to fill it but the harder you try, the emptier it becomes.
Oliver: Yeah well I may be lonely, but I'm still going to kick your Egyptian ass.
Lois: If you truly meant to harm me you would've done so by now. But you do not wish to hurt this body.
Oliver: Childhood hang-ups. I was taught never hurt a girl.
Lois: I was taught never to hesitate.
[ Breaks glass ]
Oliver: The answer is in Lex's files, sunlight through the amulet.
[ Flash beams out ]
Oliver: That's what'll trap you again isn't it?
Lois: But in the d*ad of night, where will you find the light of sun?
[ Clark breaks off the rope ]
Oliver: That's a good question.
Clark: !sis!
[ Light beams ]
Clark: This ends now, or I will destroy Osiris' heart.
Lois: No.
Clark: Then release Lois, I need her back.
Lois: I see now that I am doomed. Our undying love shall be denied for eternity. This vessel she loves you completely?
Clark: Yes. You hold Osiris's heart in your hand, what you take of mine I shall take from yours.
[ Oliver sh**t an arrow hitting the necklace, Clark burns it ]
[ Light beams one last time ]
[ Whoosh ]
Clark: Lois?
Lois: Clark? Did we take a behind the scenes tour of the museum? I love you Clark, but sometimes you are such a nerd.
[ They both smile ]
Tess: You seem far away.
Oliver: Sometimes you have to watching things from a distance in order to see them more clearly. You were right, about me turning into a caricature of myself.
Tess: I shouldn't have said that.
Oliver: The show I was putting on, the uh, 'The Green Arrow Girls' was uh, emptiness I was trying to fill. I was lying to myself and uh you were one of the only ones that would call me on it.
Tess: Another one of those is Chloe.
Oliver: God I miss her. I miss her laugh, and uh her strength, the way her eyes lit up when I entered the room. She really loved me. I gave her a secret that was too hard to hold onto. She paid the price keeping it.
Tess: Oliver when it comes to you, no price was too high for Chloe.
Oliver: I guess you can still spot real love. I'm sorry, Tess: Don't be. [ Shrugs ] It's the truth and there hasn't been a lot of that in my life. Just like there hasn't been a lot of love. Did I drive halfway across town just for an apology.
Clark: No. It was so we could both give you something.
Oliver: That's right, other than our solar powered friend over here doing that cool eyeball zap through the amulet thing that he did, we couldn't have done it without you.
Clark: You took care of Cat and you figured out how to put !sis back in the amulet. Pretty impressive with 'low-tech laptop' too.
Oliver: Now let's see what you can do with something a little more powerful. Like Watchtower. Welcome to the team.
Tess: Thank you.
[ Leaves with tears in her eyes ]
[ Opens and closes door ]
Oliver: You really think we can trust her?
Clark: We'll find out.
Man: I came to take the boy but security won't let me.
Tess: Under my orders, Alexander's staying with me.
Man: With all due respect you flew me here to observe the boy.
Tess: He doesn't need to be watched, doctor. He needs to be loved.
Man: And you think you can do that? The boys s*ab is in question, ultimately he may prove dangerous why would you risk your safety? What do you see that I don't?
Tess: His heart.
[ Opens door and closes ]
Alex: Tess did you see how much I grew since last week?
Tess: That's very impressive, soon you're going to be taller than I am. I brought a book for us to read. It's a story of Peter Pan and his friend Wendy.
Alex: What's it about?
Tess: It's about the adventures of growing up, I think you'll like it.
Alex: I love you Tess.
[ Tess kisses his forehead ]
Tess: All children except one grow up, they soon know that they will grow up. And the way Wendy knew was this ...
Man: There's those copies you asked for.
Lois: Thank you.
Man: You're welcome.
[ Cat s*ab Lois ]
Lois: Ow! [ Takes pen out of her hand ] What the hell?
[ Lois is about to punch Cat but is stopped by Clark ]
[ Lois groans ]
Clark: Ladies, who wants to go first?
[ Both yell at the same time ]
Lois: She s*ab me!
Cat: She's the Blur!
Lois: That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard, and I thought you were a bottled blonde.
Clark: Cat there's something you should know.
Cat: Don't even bother protecting her Clark. I know the truth, and I have proof.
Clark: What kind of proof?
Cat: Photographic. I caught little miss liar conducting some sort of satanic s-e-x ritual last night. I couldn't see who else was there but once I print those photos it won't matter, I'll have my evidence, and everyone will see the Blur for the deviant menace she is.
Lois: First: are you twelve? and second: I may be no angel honey, but I am definitely not into the devil.
Cat: Oh yeah? Why don't I show you pictures?
[ Whoosh ]
Cat: Then we'll see what you have to say. Should make for a great quote. [ Phone breaks ] Oh my god, those were my only copies.
Lois: That's a rookie mistake, you need to always back up your evidence.
Cat: Pretend all you want Lois, but there's just no other explanation.
Clark: Actually there is, Lois was possessed by the spirit of !sis.
Cat: Now I may have kept my youthful good looks but I wasn't born yesterday, I'm not buying it Clark.
Lois: Well you're only options are cash or credit because Clark just told you the truth.
[ Clark grabs Lois' hand and drags her away ]
Lois: This is Metropolis, weird things happen all the time. Get used to it.
[ Cat sighs ]
[ Lois sighs ]
Lois: I know the pen is mightier than the sword, but Cat was off her rocker. I mean Lois Lane is amazing but you and I both know I'm not the world's greatest superhero.
Clark: Lois I'm sorry you had to get a ball-point in the hand for the truth to come out.
Lois: The truth? Right, about the Blur? Who he is? The big mystery? Of course he never told me his identity, so I guess I don't really know him, but I feel like I do. The thing is Clark, the Blur and I, I mean we, we have this special bond. Actually it's kind of like what you and I have together, because I..[ sighs and chuckles lightly ] God, I wish you were a mirror I ... [ Clears throat ] What I'm really trying to say to you is that I know you.
Clark: But you don't know the Blur, he's probably keeping it a secret for a reason.
Lois: He's never going to tell me is he?
Clark: Not if it means putting your life at risk.
Lois: I wish he knew that I was willing to take that risk.
[ Lois turns to leave and waits on the elevator ]
Clark: All my life I've been afraid Lois, afraid of people knowing the truth about me, afraid of them rejecting me and even if they didn't still losing them. I've been of everything I can't control but when I was faced with the idea of losing you forever it made me realize there's something I would regret more than anything else; and that's not telling you the truth about me 'cause that was the only way we could share a life together. I know the odds are stacked against us and we would be risking everything, but if you are ready to take that leap, there's no one else I would want to take that leap with. Lois you've had a lot of questions about the Blur; It's me, I'm the Blur.
[ Lois leaps on top of Clark and they both land on a pile of paper ]
[ They kiss ]
Lois: What took you so long?
Clark: What? [ Clark looks confused but gets it ] You?
[ Lois places a finger to his mouth ]
[ They both smile ] | {"type": "series", "show": "Smallville", "episode": "10x05 - !sis"} | foreverdreaming |
Original Air Date on October 29th, 2010
prison, that place was ... ?
Clark: Kryptonian.
[ Lois nods ]
Lois: And that horny toad looking thing that crashed Chloe and Jimmy's wedding?
Clark: Kryptonian.
[ Lois nods ]
Lois: And the spaceship, that I found in the woods near the dam?
Clark: Also Kryptonian, that wasn't mine it was my cousin's.
[ Lois gulps ]
Lois: Sorry about the third degree Clark, it's just not every week that a girl learns her boyfriend's an ...
Clark: Alien? And you're still okay with that?
Lois: Are you kidding me? It's like dating a god or Bono.
[ Clark smiles ]
[ Lois smiles back warmly ]
Lois: At least were on a story in the boonies, and I get to play 20 questions, without our nosy little kitty Cat sniffing around.
Clark: It's lucky that Tess sent us out here to cover the Harvest Festival.
Lois: Clark Kent doesn't believe in luck. But you do, Clark.
[ Lois raises her eyebrows ]
Clark: I didn't want you in the middle of tonight's anti-hero protest.
Lois: Clark that should've been my story! Why did you chop-block me?
Clark: Lois we both know that your articles in support of the Blur put you in the eye of the anti-hero storm.
Lois: So what you're gonna lock me in a castle tower like I'm some damsel in distress?
Clark: Lois I just want to make sure that you're safe.
Lois: Clark I love that an intergalactic powerhouse wants to protect me, but this Earth girl can take care of herself.
[ Tire explodes ]
Clark: I didn't even see what we h*t.
Lois: Two flats and only one spare. Looks like a job for Triple A.
[ Phone beeps ]
Lois: And there's no reception. [ Tsk ]
[ Clark smiles ]
Lois: Want me to change that tire for ya?
[ Clark chuckles ]
Clark: I think I can handle it. [ opens trunk ]
Lois: Wow. [ Lois smiles ]
[ Clark lifts the car, Lois chuckles ]
Lois: Thank you.
Charlotte: Oh praise the Lord. You're okay.
Clark: Okay, it's nothing a mechanic can't fix. Do you know where there's one by?
Charlotte: Um, up the road a bit, In Meeker Springs.
Clark: Thanks. Alright Lois, well we'll leave now we'll be back in a flash.
Lois: Oh but Clark, I'm such a delicate flower, I will ... I will wilt in that heat. I think I'll just stay with um..?
Charlotte: Charlotte, ma'am. I got some fresh squeezed lemonade if you'd like.
Lois: Uh lovely, so we will have a big glass as we damsels in distress wait for Clark to come rescue us.
[ Clark smiles sarcastically ]
[ Charlotte leaves ]
Clark: Lois, is there a problem?
Lois: Okay, first it's not safe in the asphalt jungle, and now I'm at risk in green acres?
Clark: Look, we are in the middle of nowhere.
Lois: You think horse and buggy girl is going to hurt me? What is she going to do dimple me to death?
Charlotte: Here you go.
Lois: Thank you, Charlotte.
[ Charlotte nods ]
Charlotte: Mmhm.
Lois: Now, why don't we watch while my night and shining armor, saves the day. It's going to be a long walk Lancelot, but we will be right here waiting for your triumphant return.
[ Clark leaves annoyed ]
Lois: Still watching.
Clark: Lois? Lois!
[ Credits roll in ]
[ Phone beeps ]
Clark: No service.
[ Clark grunts in pain ]
Sheriff: Something I can help you with?
[ Clark closes the trunk ]
Clark: My girlfriend, she's missing. I went into town to get a flat fixed and, and now she's gone. We were in a bit of an argument when I left, and I thought maybe she was still mad at me but, I can't find her. You know I've searched everywhere.
Sheriff: Better wrap that. Cut looks pretty nasty, how bad was your little argument?
Clark: No, this was from the rim of the tire, that's where I cut it. Look there was a girl here, she might know where my girlfriend went.
Sheriff: Girl?
Clark: Charlotte, she's about 12 years old, she was selling produce on the side of the road, she had a horse and buggy.
Sheriff: We're in the middle of nowhere [ Scoffs ] Never seen anybody set up shop here [ laughs ] there's not enough traffic.
Clark: Well I know what I saw alright, I'm not making this up.
Sheriff: Why don't we go down to the station.
Clark: I'm not going anywhere till Lois gets back.
Sheriff: Mister calm yourself down.
Clark: Look. [ Picks up wood ] This must be what we ran over. Now if our blow out wasn't an accident, someone could've done this on purpose.
Sheriff: I think you better get a move on before you get yourself in some trouble.
Clark: I'm just trying to show you.
Sheriff: I'm not going to say it again.
[ Clark throws wood down ]
Clark: Those are tracks from the horse and buggy, now if there was no girl how do you explain those?
Sheriff: They do look fresh. Run up the log and road a bit. Alright you proved your point, lets take a hike. If your girlfriend is out there, we'll find her.
[ Clark nods ]
Lois: Look at you ride that horse. At your age the best I could do was drive my dad crazy. Lucky for me you were around. So how much longer before our carbon free hay ride gets us to the train station?
Charlotte: Oh not much, but I'm not allowed to go into town. My father will give you a ride from here.
Lois: As long as I can make the express back to cover the rally, I'm happy. I am not going to miss out on a front page story just because he thinks I can't take care of myself. So your town is quaint, how many people live out here?
Charlotte: Our whole congregation. We're believers, father bought this land long before I was born, I moved us out here from Idaho, so we could all live together. Whoa.
Lois: Looks like you're having some sort of shindig.
Charlotte: It's the Harvest Festival. Whole town comes out to celebrate.
Ruth: Bless us child, did you bring a guest to our home unannounced whom we are unprepared to welcome? I'm Ruth, Ruth Cavanaugh.
Lois: Lois Lane.
Charlotte: Miss Lane just needs father to give her a ride to the train station. So she can get back to the city.
Lois: I don't mean to impose, Charlotte just offered.
Ruth: Oh never an imposition to help those in need. But my husband likes his supper promptly at sundown, he'll take you right after we eat.
Lois: You know if you point the way, I'm sure I could just hoof it from here.
Ruth: Oh don't be foolish, if you're not familiar with these parts you could get lost in those woods. Stay, break bread with us.
Charlotte: Mother always makes more then enough.
Lois: [ sighs ] Rally's not for another couple hours, and I could really use a home cooked meal.
Ruth: Good. Good. Go fetch your father, Charlotte. Tell him the ham needs carving. This way.
[ Charlotte runs over to her dad ]
Charlotte: Did you see her father?
Joshua: Good work child. You've saved us all.
Cheering ]
[ Glass chiming ]
[ All together ]: Happy Birthday Alex: Thank you. This is the best party ever.
Tess: You're welcome. I have a little bit of work to do so make sure you save me a really big piece of cake okay?
[ Alex nods ]
Alex: Okay.
Tess: Okay.
[ Tess closes the door ]
Lady: My team is still searching for a remedy. But I don't want to make any false promises. All our tests indicate that his condition is irreversible. If the accelerated mitosis persists his body will eventually give out. I'm very sorry.
Tess: He's aged 4 years in 2 weeks, so sorry isn't good enough!
Lady: He needs to be at the facility where we can study him around the clock.
Tess: Alexander stays here, with me. I want him to believe that he is like any normal child.
Lady: But we both know he's not normal. And no matter how many parties you throw him, he never will be.
Tess: I just want to protect him. I want to give him a second chance. Dr. Lamel I know that you have a hand in the horror that Lex Luthor committed in his labs over the years. And I chose you to run this team because I know deep down in your heart, you want to make things right.
Lady: More then anything.
Tess: You find me a cure to save Alexander and I promise you, I will not let him become that monster.
[ Thud ]
[ girl screams ]
Kid: Help, help! Someone come quick!
Tess: Alexander. Do something, help him.
[ Alex groans ]
Sheriff: Mister I think we're barking up the wrong tree, there's nothing out here for miles. Look these tracks are probably left by hunters, they bring in carts back in here to haul up game all the time.
Clark: Do they also leave spikes in the road to give people flat tires?
Sheriff: [ Groans ] Two by four probably fell off a passing truck. Look It's only natural for you to be worried about your girlfriend.
Clark: She's the most important thing in my life.
Sheriff: Well you said she was upset with you, I bet she hitched a ride. You go back to Metropolis and I guarantee she'll be waiting.
Clark: There's crystals in this water?
Sheriff: Ah, meteor shower '89. Couple meteors h*t the spring.
Clark: Blue meteor rock?
Sheriff: Yeah k*lled one local and destroyed acres of crops. But it did give us a gift, [ pumps water ] Best drinking water in the county. Meteor seems to purify it.
Clark: And everyone here's ok?
[ Sheriff nods ]
Clark: Because I grew up in Smallville, the green meteor rock has been harming people for the last twenty years.
Sheriff: Not here. I've been drinking this water my whole life, I haven't had so much as a common cold. [ Chuckles ] Yup we're all just fine.
[ Bell chimes in distance ]
Clark: There's nothing out here then what was that?
Sheriff: Something I wish you hadn't heard.
[ Hits Clark with g*n ]
Alex: I'm sorry I ruined the party.
Tess: It's not your fault.
Alex: I know that somethings wrong with me. I'm a freak.
Tess: No, no you're not. You're a beautiful little boy, and I promise you that I am going to make everything ok. Okay? You have to tell me something, right before you blacked out you were drawing this. How do you know this symbol?
Alex: It-It's just a drawing.
Tess: Alexander I found these hidden in your closet. Please tell me what they mean to you.
Alex: It's the symbol, of the bad man. He comes into my dreams, to hurt me.
Tess: I'd never let anyone hurt you.
Alex: You can't stop him.
Tess: You're safe here.
Alex: No! He's the strongest man in the whole world. You can't protect me.
Tess: I'd never let anything happen to you.
Alex: He wants to k*ll me! [ Throws box hard ]
Tess: I know this is hard for you to believe when you're so frightened, Alexander I'm here for you ...
[ Door closes, Alex locks it ]
Tess: Alexander?
[ Tries to open door ]
Tess: Alexander! Alexander!
a kitchen aide or Costco.
Joshua: We believe in living a simple life. No modern technology and no worldly temptation. We keep to ourselves, helps us stay on the righteous paths.
Lois: Uh, speaking of paths; isn't it time we [ tsk ] h*t the road?
Joshua: Our teachings say when people come together to eat; you make time for your fellow man.
Lois: Oh trust me, you don't forget Sunday school on the military base.
Joshua: You should finish your dinner.
Ruth: It would be bad luck for our guest to leave our table early on the night of the harvest celebration.
Lois: As long as we h*t the road as soon as we're finished. I would love to stay and see the festivities one day. Bet that's a lot of fun.
Joshua: Fun has nothing to do with it. We glorify the day we were shown the Lords side.
Lois: What exactly was a sign?
Joshua: f*re came from the heavens, tear down our village.
Ruth: And our daughter Esther was taken from us. She was ringing the town bell to warn everyone of the danger. She was struck down where she stood.
Lois: Oh I am so sorry, that's awful.
Joshua: Before that we suffered a terrible drought, been years of bad crops, people were hungry and sick. But our daughter gave her life so that we could all prosper.
Charlotte: Ever since our crops have been bountiful and our people never get sick.
Joshua: Amen.
Lois: And you think this happened because your daughter died? I'm pretty sure that didn't make it into the good book I read.
Joshua: I don't expect you to understand, you're not a believer. But every year since her death, we have offered our Lord a sacrifice. And he has rewarded us.
Ruth: If you're done I'll clear your plate.
Lois: Oh yeah, stuffed. Thank you. It's lovely. Pst Charlotte, I'm a little squeamish when it comes to the slaughtering of the fatted calf, so just tell your parents thank you ok? I'm-I'm gonna go.
Charlotte: We'll never let you leave.
Lois: What?
Charlotte: You've been chosen, just like my sister. This was your last supper.
[ Lois opens the door and runs ]
[ Guys grab her and Lois tries to fight off ]
Joshua: Rejoice my people! We have our sacrifice!
[ All together ]: Praise the Lord.
Lois: Get off me! [ groans ] What is wrong with you people?!
Clark: Lois. What happened to you?
Lois: I really stepped in it. I was steamed you kept me from that rally scoop, and I ended up dropping us in the village of the damned.
Clark: I've been looking for you for hours. [ hugs ] Just glad you're okay.
Lois: Won't be for long, these holy rollers from hell wanna make me a human sacrifice so they can grow bigger tomatoes. I promise to eat a heaping helping of crow when we get back home but right now do your super speedy thing, because this fair lady needs some rescuing big time.
Clark: I can't.
Lois: Clark, now is not the time for jokes.
Clark: Lois the water is contaminated with blue meteor rock. They've been drinking it for years.
Lois: Maybe that's what makes them so healthy. Not to mention a little wackadoodle.
Clark: No that's not all Lois it's infected their bodies, when I'm around them I don't have my abilities. I've got to get far enough away from them so my powers can come back.
Lois: Meteor rock. Maybe that's why when I pulled that blue dagger out of your chest you-you healed.
Clark: You did that?
Lois: Yeah.
Clark: Lois you didn't just heal me, you brought me back. You saved me.
Lois: Oh ... .sometimes even the hero needs a guardian angel Clark.
Clark: I just wish you had wings that could fly us out of here. The house seems to be surrounded. Our best chance is for me to get past the guards before they f*re sh*t.
Lois: Okay I hate to burst your bubble Smallville, but without your powers you won't be able to outrun their speeding b*ll*ts.
[ Floor creaks ]
Lois: Maybe there's another way out of dodge.
[ Lifts carpet with her foot ]
Lois: Clark. if this leads to a cellar there might be a way out of here.
[ Clark and Lois start moving chairs and the table ]
Lois: Clark.
[ Clark tries to pull the handle but can't, Clark groans ]
Clark: I can't.
Lois: Whenever the General grounded me I always found a way to escape. This army brat has picked more locks than Harry Houdini.
[ Picks lock, and opens it ]
Lois: In the meantime you should change your clothes, or you're going to stick out like a stripper in a seminary.
[ Clark starts taking off his shirt, Lois watches him ]
Lois: [ Sighs ] Why are we never someplace romantic when he takes off his shirt? [ Bites lip ]
here. Alexander.
Alex: This barn is just like I remember.
Tess: But you've never been here before.
Alex: Yes I have. You see his bowtie? It was the first one he ever wore, and I tied it for him ... .here.
Tess: That was probably just a dream.
Alex: No, it was real. Right here he told me that we'd be friends forever. That he wanted to be my brother, and at the window [ sighs ] I told him that our friendship would be the thing of legend.
Tess: Alexander, if that's what you want you have a chance to make that happen.
Alex: How can I ever trust Clark again? He made my father hate me, he took away everything that I ever cared about. And the last time I was up here, I begged him to tell me the truth about himself, but as always he denied who he really was.
Tess: Clark is not the bad man, Alexander, Lex is. He used you just like he used me. And you don't deserve what's happened. You don't have to buy in to his memories, I will help you.
Alex: Why? So you can feel good about yourself? So you can exercise those demons deep within your soul? It's not what you've always wanted? To save the world so you could redeem the evil inside you?
Tess: Stop it.
Alex: But you couldn't do it alone. So you clung to powerful men.
Tess: Enough!
Alex: First Oliver Queen, then me, then Zod, and now Clark Kent.
[ Tess slaps Alexander and he falls down hard ]
Tess: I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I-I just want to help you, I know that I can do this, I know that I can save you.
Alex: How can you save me when there's so much you don't even know about yourself.
Tess: Please, please. Alexander.
Alex: Don't call me that. My name is Lex.
celebration.
Lois: Thank you, sister.
[ Grabs Lois hard ]
Lady: It's you!
Lois: Well I guess you can't get the city out of this country girl huh? [ Punches Lady ]
[ Clark grabs Lois and runs ]
Clark: Come on let's go.
Lady: Don't let them get away!
[ Lois falls and Clark picks her up ]
Joshua: You will be offered up tonight.
Clark: I won't let you hurt her.
Joshua: You are a mere mortal, and you will not defy the will of our Lord.
[ Cuts Clark in the stomach, Clark groans in pain ]
Lois: Clark. [ Men grab Lois ] No! Clark! Clark! Clark! Clark, Clark! Get off me!
Lois: You didn't have to k*ll him.
Joshua: He would've told others about us.
[ Lois breathes in ]
Joshua: No one can keep us from our holy task. Our Lord has shown us the light.
Lois: Light? You justify this by calling it a sacrifice, but you know it's m*rder.
[ Joshua shakes his head ]
Lois: Whatever happened to 'thou shalt not k*ll?'
Joshua: We follow his example. Every year for 20 years, a young woman has been sacrificed with f*re from above, just like Esther. And for that, our Lord has rewarded his devoted flock. My daughter was the first to give her life, you won't be the last.
Lois: I can't imagine the pain you must have suffered, when you lost Esther. But k*lling all of those women in her name was wrong, and she would be ashamed of how you've led your people astray.
Joshua: Silence! You do not understand, because you do not have faith.
Lois: I have faith! I have faith! Faith has nothing to do with blindly following this misguided messiah. I believe in knowing right from wrong. Just like you all do, deep down you know this isn't right.
Joshua: She does not know what we suffered before his firey wrath rained down from the heavens. But you remember those dark days, if we let her live a vengeful god will smite us yet again, and mark my words this time he will take one of your daughters. Ben, would you give up your daughter Sarah?
[ Ben shakes his head ]
Joshua: Any of you? I say better to sacrifice a non-believer. Then to lose another one of our own.
Lois: You don't have to do this, this won't ma ...
Joshua: Shh.
Lois: It won't ... .
Joshua: Shh. God forgives you.
him?
Sheriff: If he was ... .he's d*ad now. Forced our hand, should've listened to me and headed back to the city when he had the chance. Come one now, ceremonies about to begin.
[ Both leave, light sounds, Clark's hand comes out of the ground ]
Joshua: Let us pray. Dear Lord, accept this offering as our complete devotion to you. Take her, so that your people may see another harvest of bountiful crops and another year without sickness.
[ All together ]: Praise the Lord!
[ f*re sh*t ]
[ g*n cocks ]
Clark: Get away from her.
Lois: Clark.
Joshua: No she must be sacrificed. [ Pulls lever ]
[ Clark gets b*rned and yells in agony ]
Joshua: This is a trick.
Lois: Clark. Clark.
Sheriff: Look at what he's been through Joshua, and he's still alive. It's a sign!
[ Clark's back starts healing ]
Lois: Yes, it's a sign. Move back, way back ... far away from him. You are not worthy to be in his presence. Drop your w*apon and beg for forgiveness. No I don't think you get it, he is a-a messenger sent from the heavens.
Joshua: I don't believe you.
Clark: Lois.
Lois: Oh you better believe it. Because if you don't listen he will strike down upon thee, with great vengeance and furious anger, and he will use his-his heat vision to raise your village and his super breath to smite your crops.
Clark: Amen.
Lois: [ Softly to Clark ] What do you say you speed us away from these children of the corn, honey?
[ Clark picks Lois up, Lois gives out a little girly squeak ]
[ Clark super speeds away ]
[ Joshua drops his g*n amazed ]
Lady: Considering we just found the research we were only able to synthesis a small amount. But it's a start.
Tess: You said Alexander's condition was irreversible.
Lady: That's what we believed. But on your advice we scoured the Luthorcorp database and came across Pier Dinsmores work. He's the architect of Lionel Luthor's genetic engineering program. He cloned his own daughter and encountered the same celebrated mitosis complication. But I was able to use his research and formulate that serum.
Tess: Cure. To save Alexander.
Lady: It's a breakthrough we wanted.
[ Tess nods ]
Lady: This could be the redemption we both have been praying for.
Tess: I wanted so badly to save that little boy. [ Tears start to fall ]
[ Tess throws the vile into the f*re, glass shatters ]
Lady: What are you doing?!
Tess: Destroy all of your research, and in the morning he will be locked up again ... for everyone's safety.
Lady: If we don't begin his therapy immediately he'll be d*ad in 6 weeks.
Tess: That's the point. Because he's not just a clone, he is Lex Luthor.
backwoods bumped Cat Grant's anti-hero crusade. [ Shows paper ] From column 1.
Clark: Leave it to Lois and Clark to turn a quiet day in the country to a major scoop.
Lois: My friends at the borough said our Koresh wannabe's were solo profile they weren't on anybody's radar.
Clark: I just wish we would have found them sooner we could have saved so many lives. I just don't understand how the believers would allow themselves to be led down such a dark path. [ Shakes head ]
Lois: I guess there's so much chaos out there people are just desperate for something to give them hope. Now more then ever, the world needs someone to believe in.
Clark: I think I know where this is going.
Lois: Hear me out Clark, okay? I wasn't a big fan of Ollie's coming out party and, I used to think that it was best for you to stay in the shadows too but, maybe someday soon you'll have to step into the light. You could be a symbol to inspire everyone that this planet could be a better place.
Clark: I'm not sure anyone is ready to believe in a stranger from a strange land.
Lois: If they know the real Clark Kent, then I am sure the rest of the world will believe in you as much as I do.
Clark: I'm sorry I was so overprotective, I was trying to keep you safe.
Lois: If it wasn't for you, I would be a crispy critter in Hellsville.
[ Clark shakes his head ]
Clark: No, you held your own. Even when I didn't have my powers, [ sighs ] Lois you saved my life.
Lois: Guess there's enough danger out there for everyone. We just have to trust that we'll always be there for each other, when times get tough.
[ Clark smiles ]
Clark: Which is why I want you to have this. [ Hands her the book ]
Lois: Uh, the unabridged user's guide to all things Kryptonian?
Clark: It may fill in a few blanks. I want you to know me completely with no secrets. 'Cause you're the one. You always will be. [ Both smile ]
[ Clark kisses Lois ]
[ He smiles to himself ] | {"type": "series", "show": "Smallville", "episode": "10x06 - Harvest"} | foreverdreaming |
Original Air Date on November 5th, 2010
Man: Our eyes on the ground report target is in Smallville, sir.
Rick: Right on schedule.
[ Clark and Lois both smile at each other ]
[ Lois laughs ]
Clark: So what are you in the mood for?
Lois: Oh I'm in the mood ... just not for breakfast.
Clark: Lois, the bedrooms upstairs.
Lois: Mmhm, but the porch swing, is out there.
[ Clark super speeds and stops Lois from opening the door, turns her around ]
[ They kiss ]
Man: Target is on the move, he's heading for the Kent farm.
[ Clark and Lois still kissing ]
Man: Target closing in on farm house.
[ Lois opens the door ]
Lois: Daddy.
Clark: General Lane.
Lois: And Lucy.
Lucy: Happy Turkey day sis.
Lois: Great.
Lucy: The whole Lane family's together for the holiday's.
Clark: You don't have to be nervous Lois, your dad just wants to spend time with you.
Lois: Oh I think he's more interested in doing recon on the man dating his daughter, so hopefully someones monogram jacket has vanished.
Clark: I took care of it, look your dad's met me before.
Lois: Before we were a couple, Clark, none of my other boyfriends have ever survived the General's as*ault.
Clark: I'll be fine.
Lois: Fine? Fine won't pass inspection. You have to be perfect, it is important to me that my dad likes you.
Clark: And it's important to me that you're happy. There's nothing to worry about.
Lois: Except maybe if he finds out that you're a superhero, my dad hates superheroes.
[ chuckles nervously and leaves ]
Lois: Hey.
General: Oh that's a good cup of coffee.
[ Lois smiles ]
Lois: Make yourself at home daddy. [ Kisses his cheek ]
General: Ah, your sisters still upstairs unpacking, she could be all day.
Clark: It's good to see you sir.
General: Hm [ grunts ] So, nothing much has changed around here. Your mother still owns the place?
Clark: It is in her name, but I ...
General: I see. You live in your mothers house, and you work in a basement, is that correct?
Clark: Well it is the bullpen at the Daily Planet, I work side-by-side with Lois.
General: Ah, she seems to write more articles than you. What exactly do you do with your time, Clark?
[ Clark looks confused how to answer ]
Lois: Hey, daddy uh, Clark and I work together a lot, he just gives me the byline sometimes, that's just how sweet he is.
[ Clark smiles ]
Clark: We look after each other.
General: Good, because if Lois is going to be spending any time around here, i've had a look around and there's a few things that are gonna have to be brought up to code.
[ Clark chuckles nervously ]
Clark: Like scrubbing the bathroom tile with a toothbrush?
General: That's number 17 on the list.
Clark: You're not kidding.
General: No I never do. Though I feel a little uncomfortable inspecting the enemy camp, your mother is my major opposition in the senate.
Lois: Oh, does this mean your finally running for office daddy?
General: Ah no Sweetheart, I'm the senior military advisor on a new bill; the vigilante registration act.
Clark: And by vigilante you mean ... ?
General: Vigilantes, weekend warriors of mass, who run around insighting anarchy.
Clark: Well I don't think they insight anarchy. They stop crime, protect people.
General: And they commit acts of terrorism. Like the RAO tower in Metropolis, blown to kingdom come, no evidence of expl*sives, you wanna know why? Because one of them superfreaks did it.
Lois: Mm you know what? Hey, daddy since we're pretending it's a holiday, how about we make it official and take a furlough from work.
General: Clark do you know who the real heroes of the world are? The men and women of our armed forces, they have to enlist, go through background checks, training, there are rules, be held accountable for their actions. People start believing in these so-called superheroes, pretty soon the superheroes form selfs, start taking the law into their own hands. I will not let them comprimise our national security. Mm [ shakes head ]
Clark: Lois, what do you think?
[ Lois looks uncomfortable ]
Lois: I think we need some veggies with our starches. Baked or mashed?
Clark: Whatever their General would like of course.
[ Lois looks hurt by Clark's reaction ]
[ Opens and closes door ]
[ Door opens ]
Oliver: You know, when you need first aid you expect it to be in the first place you look.
Tess: It's over here.
Oliver: Look at this, new chairs, you got a whole new setup going on. You know when I said you could move in, I didn't think you'd actually move in.
Tess: Take off your shirt. Like I haven't seen it all before.
[ Oliver unzips his shirt ]
Tess: It looks like you had a rough night.
[ Oliver grunts ]
Oliver: Yeah. Somewhere between chasing the bad guy and dodging the press, I ran into someone who literally had an axe to grind.
Tess: That sounds like some serious overtime. But if I remember correctly, your cure all was 2 raw eggs and a Belgium beer. Hmm?
Oliver: Yeah let me tell you something Tess, I can do this whole 9 to 5 thing with you alright, but I draw the line at happy hour.
[ Oliver groans in pain ]
Tess: How did you say you hurt yourself again?
Oliver: Just your typical axe wielding maniac. Scratched the surface.
Tess: Somethings happening beneath the surface, your skin is reacting to the iodine. It's a subdermal tattoo. Oliver I've seen this before, this is the signal for The su1c1de Squad.
Oliver: su1c1de Squad huh? It's a hell of a name.
Tess: They're a hell of a team. When I was working for Amanda Waller at Checkmate, there were certain dirty jobs that a government agent just couldn't do. Not even us, and Waller would send in a squad. They were led by Rick Flag, but they all died when Checkmate was att*cked.
Oliver: Wait a second, wait a second, I know this guy. This guy tied me to a chair, he b*at me to a pulp, and then he wanted to kiss and make up. I know he got under my skin, but come on.
Tess: Wait Flag survived?
Oliver: He's recruiting a whole new squad. I politely declined.
Tess: If he tagged you, he's tracking you.
Oliver: Something tells me I'm not the only one.
[ Football playing on tv ]
[ Man on tv ]: We interrupt this program for breaking news. A f*re has broken out at a refinery in Smallville. And firefighters ...
General: Clark should see this, remind him what a real hero is.
[ Door opens ]
Clark: Hey. They were out of cranberries.
Lois: The store must have had a f*re sale, huh Clark?
[ Whoosh ]
General: Where's Clark?
Lois: He went upstairs.
General: leave you holding the bags? What happened to being a gentleman hmm?
[ Man on tv ]: Update on the refinery, the f*re is out. Thanks to the Blur.
General: Leave it to the Blur to turn a f*re into a photo-op.
[ Door opens ]
Clark: Found the cranberries in the truck.
Lois: Where were they, honey? Under the hood? [ Wipes dirt from his face ]
General: Hmm, I thought you said that Clark went upstairs?
Lois: Yeah, he was upstairs outside.
Clark: Checking the chimney.
Lois: Thanks.
[ Phone beeps ]
Clark: Excuse me.
[ Clark answers phone ]
Clark: It's not a good time. You're where? I'll be right there. Lois I need to go chop some wood. [ Opens door ]
General: Get me a work up on Clark Kent. Kilo, echo, November, tango. He's hiding something.
Oliver: It's exactly what I was afraid of.
Clark: Flag's tracking me too?
Oliver: Which is a bit surprising considering you're impermeable skin.
Clark: He must've used blue kryptonite. Oliver, we have to figure out why he's tracking us.
Oliver: Yeah, Tess is working on that back at Watchtower; which I appreciate the help but she's running around there like she owns the building.
Clark: If it wasn't for her we wouldn't know about these tattoos, we wouldn't even be on Flag's trail. You gotta go.
Oliver: [ Chuckles ] What the window? What are we 16?
Clark: Now.
[ Oliver scoffs and jumps out the window ]
Clark: Lucy? Lucy.
Lucy: Did I hear you up here talking to someone Clark?
Clark: No, it's just me.
Lucy: Good, because I only brought one lemonade. I thought you could use the refreshment.
Clark: Thanks.
Lucy: The General give you a list?
Clark: Yeah I'm afraid so.
Lucy: He likes to test Lois' boyfriends, he's convinced they all have something to hide. So far no one's passed.
Clark: I'll be the first.
Lucy: Well if anyone can do it, I'm sure you can. You've grown into quite the man in the past 6 years Clark.
Clark: I'm sure Lois could use your help.
Lucy: I think I've earned a ten minute break.
Clark: Lucy.
Lucy: Well at least show me around the barn.
Clark: There's really not much to see.
[ Lucy kisses Clark ]
[ Lois clears her throat ]
Lois: Really?
Clark: Lois, your sister's just ...
Lois: Ambushed you? Well this has Lucy written all over it. In backstabbing-bitch-berry lipgloss. You ... [ points to Lucy ] come with me. [ Grabs Lucy's hand hard ]
Lucy: Ow, ow Lois. Not so tight.
Lois: So, so what? You thought I would catch you two tongue wrestling and then what? Have a big fight with Clark?
Lucy: Lois ...
Lois: Just save it, now the only reason that I am keeping you around is for dad. So go make yourself useful and get us some ice.
Lucy: There's ice in the freezer.
Lois: Dad likes crushed.
[ Wood chopping loudly ]
Clark: Chop and stack, one quarter wood. Sir yes sir. [ Chops it harshly ]
Lois: Careful dad doesn't catch you making with the kung fu there, Paul Bunyon.
Clark: I'm sorry, about what happened with Lucy.
Lois: It wasn't your fault. [ Sighs ] Still, you can put out a burning building but you can't contain her hot lips?
Clark: She surprised me. But you know what's a bigger surprise? Is that you couldn't stand up to your dad. Unless you actually agree with his vigilante registration act?
Lois: Clark, I am just trying to get through this 'holiday' without a fight.
Clark: Lois you either agree with him or you don't.
Lois: I don't. But this means something to the General so please do not make me choose sides.
Clark: I thought you were somebody who stood up for what she believed in. And then when it comes to your father, you do the same thing that he does; you make your choices based on fear.
Lois: Hey just because you don't have a ...
Clark: A what Lois? What were you going to say? A father? [ raises an eyebrow and looks hurt ]
Lois: Okay, what I am trying to say is that you haven't had to deal with a family for a really long time. All you have to answer to is yourself. Clark if you wanna be with me you're gonna have to deal with my family too. I hope you can respect that. [ Sighs and leaves ]
[ crate opens, slides it shut ]
Rick: I'm surprised a General's daughter would leave herself open to att*ck. Always watch your six, miss Lane.
Lucy: Who are you?
Rick: I'm sorry, I'm uh, Coronal Richard Stafford. I'm sorry if I startled you. I'm posted near by Fort Ryan. I'm here because we think you can help us, thanks to his influence with a number of senators your father's crucial to congress passing anti-vigilante legislation. But right now he's in serious danger. We need to get him off that farm and away from Clark Kent.
Lucy: Clark?
Rick: Kent is a vigilante sympathizer. Whether he knows it or not, he's helping agitators who want nothing more than to stop your father from completing his current mission.
Lucy: It's a very serious accusation. Do you have proof?
Rick: Give this to your father.
Lucy: Why not just deliver it to him yourself?
Rick: Well we don't want to arouse Kent's suspicions, for your father's protection it's best if he not know that you got this from me. Just tell him you found it on the farm, he'll know what to do. Could you also plant this on him? It's a homing device, it'll help us track and protect him. The U.S. army's depending on you Lucy. So is your father.
Lucy: You can count on me.
Rick: Go make your father proud.
Tess: I intercepted a su1c1de Squad transmission. If Flag's planning on k*lling someone but we need to decode this before he does.
Oliver: Come on, Chloe would've had this finished like yesterday.
Tess: Oliver I'm trying to help you, and you keep acting like I'm the enemy.
Oliver: Well you know what I'm just trying to get used to all the changes around here ok? Look I, I come here and I think of Chloe, alright? I think of all the time that I spent here with her, and I just ... it's hard for me being here with someone else, ok?
Tess: [ she nods ] Ok. And I'm not trying to take her place Oliver, but at some point you need to start treating me like I'm on your side.
[ Continues typing on computer ]
Clark: General? List completed and accounted for, sir.
General: Clark. Hm. Have a seat son. Let's get down to brass tax. Lois likes to date ... men of action, men who make the news. Now you Clark, you just report the news, why would she be possibly interested in you?
Clark: Why don't you ask her, sir?
General: I asked somebody at the Pentagon instead, guess what he came up with? Nothing. Nobody's records that clean. Unless they had somebody higher up, wipe it out. Somebody lets say like a U.S. senator, hm?
Clark: Excuse me sir but what gives you the right to spy on us?
General: Oh I'm a 4 star general Clark, and a w*r hero, I know a smoke screen when I see one. Now, nobody could have done this list by themselves.
Clark: You're searching for enemies where they don't exist. Just like your vigilante witch hunt.
General: I was talking about you Clark. Why would you bring up vigilantes? Lucy found this in your loft. Uh. You're in league with them aren't you?
Clark: I'm not on trial Sam. You want to protect the United States, but as soon as your thr*at everyone else's rights go out the window. It's no wonder Lois is too afraid to be herself around you.
General: You questioning my relationship with my daughter?
Clark: You have been questioning me all day!
General: It's my right to protect my family!
Clark: It may be your right! But you're wrong to think that we don't belong together, I love your daughter and I don't want a day to go by where I'm not with her.
General: Well I hope you enjoy it today, because it's the last day you'll ever spend with her.
[ Door opens ]
Lois: I did everything I could to make today work. I dealt with my family, I helped the Blur, I even found my inner Iron Chef. And all I asked, the only thing you had to do was deal with my dad for one day ...
Clark: Lois, your dad had me investigated by the Pentagon. He has surveillance photos of me with Kara she's in her costume. I think your sister planted them in the loft.
Lucy: I thought it would be a good idea if we all went to your place tonight, without Clark. I'll meet you in the car daddy.
General: Thank you sweetheart. Come on, let's go. That's an order young lady.
Lois: Can't we stay and work this out?
General: There's nothing to work out. Your friend Clark, is a dishonest man. And he has dangerous friends, when the vigilantes try and take over this country with anarchy, he's going to go down with them. So come on now, let's go.
Lois: I am sorry Clark.
[ Leaves with tears in her eyes ]
Man: The General is leaving the farm sir.
Rick: Which means Clark Kent won't be able to Blur to his rescue. The Blur may be faster than a speeding b*llet, but I bet he can't outrun this.
Lois: Please dad, go back and talk to him ... it's Clark. You know him.
General: I can't do that, Lo.
Lois: Why?
General: Because he's in league with masked vigilantes. Finally pays the price for this, I do not want you to get hurt.
Lois: Not all of your vigilantes are bad, why do you have to go to defcon 1, you haven't met a single one of them.
Lucy: Lois can you stop running damage control long enough to see that we are just trying to protect you?
Lois: Back off Lucy. Or do you happen to have some comprimising photos of me that you'd like to share with the class?
General: Please, both of you. Trust me, Clark is not who you think he is. A couple calls to the NSA and we'll find out what he is hiding.
Lois: It doesn't matter. Because I love Clark, everything you need to know about him is standing right in front of you. Talk to me, the only thing that matters is how I feel.
General: Lois.
Lois: I appreciate that you like straight talk, so I will give it to you in one razor sharp line; I'm staying with Clark, and if you love me ... you will respect that.
Lucy: Daddy let's go.
[ They grab their stuff and leave ]
[ Door closes ]
Rick: And the rockets red glare, b*mb bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Man: m*ssile is locked on target sir.
Oliver: There's only one tattoo'd hero with that address.
Clark: I'm the target?
Tess: It doesn't make any sense. Flag would try to recruit you before he'd try and k*ll you Clark.
Clark: How can you be sure?
Tess: Because Flag spends so much time on the front lines with superpowered people that he identifies with them. To him you're all freedom fighters and he would att*ck anyone that thr*at that. Presidents, senators, the military ... it doesn't matter.
Clark: There's about to be a new law the vigilante registration act. It's biggest supporter is in Smallville right now. It's General Sam Lane.
[ Whoosh ]
[ m*ssile fires ]
Rick: God bless America.
[ expl*si*n ]
[ Clark super-speeds and saves Lois ]
General: Lois!
[ Whoosh ]
Lois: Daddy?
General: Oh my god. [ They all hug ] Oh.
[ Burning sound ]
[ 'S' symbol is carved on the building ]
General: The Blur saved your life.
Man: We h*t the building, but not the target. General Lane survived.
Rick: Damn it.
[ Arrow comes through car ]
[ Car is thrown ]
[ Door is ripped open ]
Clark: It's Rick Flag, we knew you blew up that building.
Oliver: Classy move, attacking your own country.
Rick: I did it for my country. You k*ll Lane, you k*ll the movement. [ Groans in pain ] The registration act, is nothing but a w*apon to profile, hunt, and destroy us.
Oliver: We don't need a history lesson.
Rick: Well apparently you do, Shamrock. You become a politicians poster boy for full disclosure. There gonna be on your doorstep soon, holding you up as a volunteer. Get all the other heroes to stand up and be counted, and be k*lled.
Clark: We're not gonna let that happen.
Rick: The bill passes it already has. Don't you see? [ Groans ] America's turning against us. We've got to fight back, show strength, make them choose us as their leaders.
Clark: It'll only be stirring up anti-hero histeria. v*olence isn't the answer.
Rick: v*olence is the only answer. I think the superheroes are coming over to my side.
[ Guy grabs him and disappears ]
Lucy: Lo can we talk?
Lois: That depends, can you form a sentence without lying to my face?
Lucy: I can't believe that I almost got you k*lled.
Lois: Let's not forget the tell and shock on awful m*ssile makeover. Who would've known f*re insurance didn't cover morter f*re.
Lucy: I'll replace everything you lost Lois, I promise.
Lois: Just like you're going to make Clark and I trust you again? Look Lucy, I'm not happy that you went behind our backs ... again. But, I do get trying to protect dad. Our larger than life hero, needing someone to protect him. Who wouldn't want to do that?
Lucy: I should have told you what was going on.
Lois: Yeah.
Lucy: But I thought that if I helped dad on my own, he'd stop seeing me as ...
Lois: The troublemaker? Okay I know I came down on you pretty hard Lu, but I think that a part of me sort of liked the fact that you turned into the troublemaker, because I was finally able to be the good one.
Lucy: When you say it all outloud it's just ... well it sounds really exhausting.
[ Both chuckle ]
Lois: Yeah I, I think we were so busy trying to be the perfect daughter that, we forgot how to be sisters.
Lucy: No, Lois. You're a great sister.
[ They hug ]
Tess: I thought you said no happy hour?
Oliver: Yeah well I'm still on the clock so, [ chuckles ] so I was curious you uh, you hear anything about that tattoo removal research?
Tess: I have Emil looking into it.
Oliver: Good.
Tess: No need to worry, my friend.
Oliver: I think it's a little early for 'friend.' Friendly, I can do that. I can do friendly.
Tess: I'll take it. I was beginning to think the best I could do was frenemy.
Oliver: I don't even know what that means.
[ Tess chuckles ]
Oliver: We've uh, we've survived tax audits, and typhoons together, Tess I think we're practically like family at this point.
Tess: We've come a long way. From the middle of the ocean to the top of the city.
[ Raises cup ]
Oliver: I can work with that. You know this place is sort of like an island, isn't it? It's just too bad I've gotta vote myself off.
Tess: I don't understand.
Oliver: It's a funny thing about Green Arrow showing his face to everyone, now everyone wants to stick theirs in my business, and peak in my window. What if someone see's me come in here? Watchtower I mean? There are people who count on this place, remaining secret to take count on that for their safety. They didn't step out into the limelight like I did. That wouldn't really be fair for them would it?
Tess: After everything you've told me about Chloe, and what this place means to you; that must be a really hard decision to make.
Oliver: But it's the right one. Watchtowers in good hands, Tess.
[ Fixing tractor ]
General: Clark. I owe you an apology. I'm not so set in my ways that I can't appreciate the way you stood up to me earlier. And you were right, I have not always been a perfect father.
Clark: No sir, I ...
General: No I needed to hear that. Nobody's had the guts to talk to me like that since my wife passed away.
Clark: You must really miss her.
General: Everyday. But, thankfully I get to see my Ella in our daughters faces. Can I give you some advice Clark?
Clark: Yeah.
General: Going to w*r, having to deal with the rush of battle, and the struggle to save lives. It made coming home and doing the simple things difficult. But you know it's funny, it's the simple things like taking a walk, or dancing with your wife, tucking in the kids ... that make us human. And don't get me wrong, I-I've loved serving our country, I even got to be a hero a couple times ... but if I had to do it over again, I'd spend more time with the family.
Clark: Your girls love you sir. Your their hero.
General: But I think Lois has got herself a brand new hero now. huh? I almost lost her tonight, but ... by the grace of God we're all gonna get to have ourselves a home cooked Thanksgiving meal. And that's all thanks to the Blur. Hm?
Clark: So Lois being saved by vigilante that will change your mind on the bill?
General: Well, you gotta admit I kind of liked her having her own private guardian angel. But, not every hero has the Blur's code of honor.
Clark: Not all politicians have yours. Some will use the law to destroy people.
General: I'm a military man Clark, I have to believe that when push comes to shove, America'll do the right thing. Kind of like Lois did the right thing by you tonight. For years I've been giving her boyfriends an impossible list of chores to do, not to test them ... .
Clark: To test Lois?
General: [ nods and smiles ] Those poor bastards, I put them through hell. Lois never said a thing. That's how I knew she didn't love them.
Clark: About Lois and I. There's a question I was hoping to ask you. [ smiles ]
[ They are all eating dinner happily ]
Rick: No more hiding in the shadows, that's a declaration of w*r. [ Talks on walkie ]: Go.
[ b*mb explodes ] | {"type": "series", "show": "Smallville", "episode": "10x07 - Ambush"} | foreverdreaming |
A warehouse of w*apon of Sons
Un Mayans : They sell birdseed, ése
Un autre Mayans : Are you kidding me, man?
Marcus : In the back. White boy was right. M*s. Niners had a special order. Full auto, laser sc*pes.
Un Mayans : N*gg*rs still couldn't h*t sh*t.
Marcus : Load the M*s and the Gl*cks in the truck, huh?
Un Mayans : Here
Un autre Mayans : What about the other g*ns and sh*t?
Marcus : Torch it
In the shop
Jax : Hey, Louise
Louise : You know, you can buy these by the case. Be a lot cheaper
Jax : No, a box at a time keeps me humble. Get a pack of smokes too, darling
Louise : It was my favorite. What the hell is that?
Jax : Oh, sh*t!
A warehouse of w*apon
Clay : What the hell happened?
Vic : Propane thanks caught f*re. a*mo was in there. The place just bl*w.
Clay : sh*t
Vic : Yeah. The f*re dick says it was a*son. Saw a lot of boot prints
Clay : Cowboy boots?
Vic : Yeah, Ithink so
Tig : sh*t-eating Mayans, man
Jax : Where the hell was Rodrigo?
Vic : No sign of your watchman
Clay : What's the exposure?
Vic : Officially? Me and the f*re department. The f*re captain can be convinced to rethink his report
Jax : Unofficially?
Vic : Unofficially, this blast was seen in two counties. This location is d*ad
Clay : Jesus Christ. The M*s?
Vic: Gone. As are most of the Gl*cks
Jax : Get the firemen on board. Don't want this sh*t hitting A*F's radar. Let's get out of here
Vic : No, you gotta see something else
Clay : Do we really? g*dd*mn. Fried and refried
Tig : They're illegals. Part of our assembly crew
Vic : We found them before the F.D. went through
Clay : Ah, after the smoke clears, get rid of the bod*es
Vic : What am I supposed to tell our boys up in Oaktown? I'm supposed to deliver five cases to Laroy before tomorrow morning
Clay : Call the gangster hotline, set a meeting
Jax : All right, here
Clay : Two in the back of the h*ad. Quick and painless
Jax : It ain't easy being king
Clay : Yeah, you remember that
The garage Teller Morrow
Jax : Some days, you're the Beemer. Some days, you're the g*dd*mn deer
Chibs : Some yuppie creamed her up at the streams
Jax : He run into it or h*t a tree while it was giving him head?
Prospect : How the hell you want me to get it out of there? Come on. Jesus, man.
Jax : Just pretend it's carve-your-own-steak night at Sizzler
Prospect : I don't eat meat, man.
Jax : Figure it out, grunt
Chibs : What the hell happened?
Jax : Mayans t*rched the warehouse. Stole the Niners' M*s
Chibs : Holy sh*t
Jax : Clay's gone to sit down with Laroy. Try and buy us some time
Chibs : Niners already paid for that hardware
Jax : That's the tricky part
Cell phone ringing
Jax : Hey, Ma.
Gemma : Did you go to storage?
Jax : Not yet
Gemma : I hope there's something you can use. Haven't looked through that baby stuff in years
Jax : I'm sure anything will help
Gemma : Still coming to dinner tomorrow night? I'm picking up steaks from German
Jax : Oh, you know it
Gemma : You should bring Chibs and that new kid
Jax : New kid doesn't eat meat
Gemma : Don't patch him in. Can't trust anyone who doesn't eat meat.
Jax : Hay, you heard from my crazy ex-wife at all? Never answers her g*dd*mn phone
Gemma : That's because she knows it's you
Jax : She's supposed to be sending me the doctor bills. Haven't seen one in weeks
Gemma : I'll go by on my way home. I'll check in on her
Jax : Thanks... Grandma!
Gemma : assh*le!
In the park
Laroy : Long ride from Charming to Oakland.How come Easy Rider meeting me face-to-face?
Clay : Assembly warehouse b*rned down. All the g*ns, including your M*s, bl*wn to sh*t
Laroy : There's zero balance due on that hardware
Clay : The shipment is gonna be a little late
Laroy : That can't happen. Got a shipment of my own coming in. Very important cargo
Clay : I've been doing business with the One-Niners for a long time. I always respected our arrangement. I never sold g*n one to the Mexicans. Now I need for you to show me a little respect... and give me a few more days for delivery
Laroy : Don't give a sh*t about history or respect. This is about business, old man.
Clay : And I'm telling you, brother... giving me some more time, really smart business
Laroy : You got till Sunday. I don't get those M*s by then... there's gonna be some new black faces cruising the streets of Charming. And a b*rned-down warehouse is gonna be the least of your problems
In the garage
Jax read : The life and d*ath os Sam Crow. How the Sons of Anarchy lost their way. By John Thomas Teller. For my sons : Thomas, who's already at peace, and Jackson... may he never know this life of chaos.
In the club
Prospect : Just put it over there
Bobby : Half-Sack. Piney clogged the toilet again
Prospect : Jesus Christ, that guy sh*ts more than a grizzly, man. It ain't human. Hey, hey, just put it right here, under the...
Long John : Where did you get that name. Half-Sack
Prospect : Oh, man, I, uh, gotmy left nut blown off by an APer frag in Iraq. Look at that guy
Clay : Jesus Christ. Put that deformed nut bag away, will you?
Prospect : Sorry Clay, I...
Tig : Disappear, go on
Clay : Find Jax
Chibs : Jax ! Hey, Jax, we're at the table
Jax : Okay
At home Jax
Gemma : Wendy! Stupid Junkie bitch!
Sons are meeting around the table
Clay : We got one more day out of Laroy. That's it. Niners are expecting a huge heroin shipment. Carbines are for protection.
Bobby : What happens if those Mayans crash that dope party with Laroy's M*s?
Jax : We lose all the Niner business, buy ourselves a huge black...
Clay : That ain't gonna happen. These Mexi assholes come into our territory? They steal from us? They sh*t on our livelihood? And I don't care who we gotta grease or k*ll. I want those g*dd*mn g*ns back.
Jax : All right, me and Chibs will pull together our current intel on the Mayans. Juice, start hacking into crime databases. Get addresses on any Mayans in the system.
Clay : Find those g*ns, Bobby. I wanna Fat Man and Little Boy every inch of that g*dd*mn place.
Jax : Bobby's got Tahoe this weekend
Bobby : I'm canceling that sh*t
Jax : No, man
Bobby : I should be able to decide
Clay : You got two ex-wives who already spent the g*dd*mn casino checks. Last thing we need is Pls and lawyers camping out out front
Bobby : Who's gonna handle the pyro I'm not there?
Tig : Nobody blows up sh*t better than Opie
Jax : Opie's leaning right these days
Clay : Opie's gonna lean any way we need him to. You get him on board
Bobby : So you're sure you're okay with me stepping away from this?
Clay : Yeah, yeah, take the Prospect with you
Bobby : Yeah, I'll get him half-laid
Clay : What is that smell?
Bobby : Yo
Clay : Oh, sh*t
Gemma arrives at the garage Teller
Gemma : I tried calling you
Jax : What is it?
At the hospital Saint Thomas
Gemma : I found these matches next to a bunch of her empty thumb bags. Hairy Dog
Clay : sh*t. It's gotta be the Nords dealing out of the Dog again
Bobby : Darby got out of Chino two weeks ago
Clay : Yeah, well, call that n*zi prick. Set a meeting
Jax : What the hell happened?
Tara : When waas the last time you saw her?
Jax : Couple of weeks
Tara : Her hands and feet were full of tracks. Toxicology reports aren't back yet, but it's most likely crank.
Jax : The baby?
Tara : We had to do an emergency C-section. He's 10 weeks premature
Jax : Holy sh*t
Tara : Come on, let's sit down and I'll walk you through it
Jax : Just tell me
Tara : He's got a congenital heart defect and gastroschisis, a tear in his abdomen. The gastro and the early birth are from the drugs. But the CHD is probably...
Gemma : The family flaw
Tara : Yes, it's genetic. Either one would be serious, but not life-thr*at. However, the two of them together... Dr Namid gives him a 20 percent chance, and I'm afraid that's being optimistic.
Jax : She never wanted to talk to me. I didn't know
Tara : Her OB said she missed her last three appointments. No one knew. Dr Namid wants to fix his belly first. Then if he s*ab, he'll go in and try to repair the heart. I'm sorry, Jax. I can take you to see him now.
Jax : Tara! You don't have to do this. I'm sure you got other patients
Tara : I asked Dr Namid if I could assist. I wanna help your son
Jax : His name's Abel
Tara : That's a good name. Jax!
Gemma : Jackson!
Jax : Go with Tara. I got something to do
Clay : Watch his back
In a bar
Jax : Sell crank to my pregnant ex-wife?
Bobby : Easy, boys
Chibs : Whoa, whoa, whoa. I think you made your point
Jax : Stupid peckerwood sh*thead
Bobby : Enjoy your lunch. Shish keballs are on me.
Bobby : You're Okay ?
Jax : Yeah, I'm gonna go find Opie
Bobby : All right
On the workplace of Opie
Opie : So everybody's saying it was a g*n factory that blew up out by the streams
Jax : Mayans h*t us. Stole our M*s. We need you
Opie : For what?
Jax : Bobby's got a gig this weekend
Opie : No way man
Jax : Gotta get in and out fast. You're the only guy who can pull it off
Opie : You think I wanna be here chipping wood for sh*t pay? I made a promise to Donna. I'm earning straight
Jax : Come on, Opie. Weall earn straight. I spend 40 hours a week with a g*dd*mn power tool in my hand
Opie : When you're on Clay's payroll, everything in your hand is a power tool.
Jax : You saying no to the club?
Opie : Everything turned to sh*t since I got out. I'm in debt up to my eyeballs. My kids hardly know me. I even mention Samcro to Donna, she's gonna bust out crying.
Jax : Look, man, if you need money...
Opie : I don't wanna borrow. I wanna earn
Jax : Family's just gotta adjust to you being around again. Kids have gotta get used to how ugly their dad is. Donna knows what the life is.
Opie : You leave a woman alone for five years, two kids... the only thing that she knows is that she doesn't want it to happen again
Boss Opie : Break's over. Let's go
Opie : Let me know when you need me
Sons are meeting around the table
Clay : What's the, uh, Nords' roster looking like these days?
Bobby : Fifteen, 16 guys. A few new kids breaking in. Same extreme hate sh*t
Juice : Still got meth labs outside of Lodi. Selling mostly to truckers, some of the Mexi gangs
Jax : You think they're stepping up?
Clay : Hmm. Only two things feel good in the joint: Jerking off and thinking about the sh*t you're gonna do when you get out. Darby's been in there for three years. I just wanna make sure all his big-sh*t dreams ended up in his cum rag... and not on his to-do list. How's his guy doing?
Juice : Fractures cheek, broken nose, left nut swinging solo.
Chibs : Yes, it was beatiful. That's my boy, ha, ha
Jax : Yeah, he's lucky to be breathing
Clay : So, uh, any luck up north?
Happy : Tacoma can help with the Glocks, but there's no M*s anywhere. Washington State, Oregon, Nevada, nobody's got stock, man
Jax : We'll have all the Mayan intel by the morning. We'll get our g*ns back
Clay : Oh, yeah, we will. Treasury?
Bobby : All the bills are paid. Bar is stocked. Uh, run fund is covered for the next two months. Tig's the only man who owes me dues
Tig : I'm a little short. Catch you next week
Happy : Guess those little Thai boys are getting expensive, huh?
Tig : Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, they are. How about I slit your eyes and have you suck my dick?
Clay : All right, all right. Anything else?
Piney : Yeah, I, uh, just wanna say to Jackson on a club level...the Sons of Anarchy, the Redwood Original, is here for you. Your father would be proud of the man you've become, you know. Every time I see you sitting at this table, well, I do a double take at you.
Opie : It's probably just the weed, Pop
Piney : Probably. I mean, he's... Anyway, whatever you need, son, it's yours.
Jax : Thank you, Piney. Thanks boys
Clay : Meeting closed
Always at the club
Prospect : Here you go, Clay
Clay : Thanks, kid
Prospect : Bobby?
Bobby : Yeah
Clay : What the hell is that smell?
Bobby : I don't know. God if I know. I smell it too
Clay : It's that box
Bobby : What is it?
Clay : I don't know
Bobby : Oh, damn.
Prospect : Hey that's mine
Bobby : Are you out of your g*dd*mn mind?
Prospect : No I just... You know, I throught it was like a surprise. We could mount it in the club. You know, like on the wall
Jax : It's gotta be stuffed and treated, you idiot
Prospect : Yeah, I know, I just... Stuffed with what?
It's party at the Sons, Tig and Happy make a boxing match
Clay : Get up!
Bobby : Did, uh, Rosen track down any real estate for the rebuild?
Clay : Ten acres for sale up North 84. You know, a stretch of industry, paint factories, container yards. Kick his ass!
Piney : Trucking in supplies will look like regular business
Jax : What'd happen if we didn't rebuild?
Clay : What do you mean?
Jax : Take the land profit, put it in something else. Hey, I'm just thinking about what's best long-term. We got heat with the Mayans, A*F crawling up our ass. Might be time to look at other ways to earn
Clay : Well, there's a lot of sh*t upin the air right now. Well figure out what the next move is. Bobby break that sh*t up
Bobby : All right, all right, all right. No, no, no. Hey, step down. Step down. Hug it up. Yeah
Clay : You dooing okay?
Jax : Yeah
Clay : Your mom says you haven't been back to the hospital
Jax : Come on, man, don't push me out of this.
Clay : I know you're all spun out over Wendy and the kid. Understandable. It's awful sh*t. But your father and I, we worked hard to create this business. We served time. We lost brothers. We spilled a lot of blood. And you're gonna need this now more than ever. A sick kid, it's an expensive burden. You wanna do the right thing by your family... don't you?
Jax : Yeah, of course
Clay : Well, then go see your son
Jax : All right
Jax hand see Wendy at the hospital
Wendy : I didn't think you'd wanna see me. Everyone hates me. I'm sorry Jax. I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me
Jax : You need to get help, Wendy
Wendy : I know, I know. I will, I promise. This time, I promise. The doctor said Abel's getting stronger. He said maybe they would fix his belly. Maybe tomorrow morning
Jax : They'll do everything they can
Wendy : My lawyer said they might file criminal charges. Fetal abuse. I got stuff back at the house in the stash drawer
Jax : Jesus Christ
Wendy : Just if they find that sh*t, they're gonna put me away. You own the house, Jax. I'd hate to see this blow back on you
Jax : Yeah of course
Wendy : Jax, wait. Please, please, Jax
Jax comes home
Jax : It's almost midnight
Gemma : This place is a g*dd*mn pigsty
Jax : Cleaning was never her strong suit
Gemma : What are you doing here?
Jax : It's my house
Gemma : You know what I mean. I don't want you to see it this way
Jax : Mom, you don't have to do this.
Gemma : Look, I just wanna get it livable. Buy you some decent carpet. Cigarette burns everywhere
Jax : Mom!
Gemma : Get you out of that dorm room, back home with your son
Jax : Mom, for chrissakes, stop cleaning. He's not gonna make it
Gemma : What are you talking about? What happened?
Jax : He was born with half a stomach and a hole in his heart. He's gonna d*e
Gemma : Do you say that. You are the only one this boy's got. You don't believe he's gonna live, you might as well go and k*ll him yourself. I'm sorry. You gotta go see him, Jax
Jax : I can't
Gemma : Why? Because he'll break your heart? It's called being a father
Jax : For how long? A day? A week?
Gemma : You know, you were born with that same heart defect... your little brother had. You seem pretty sturdy to me. I came through hell. Landed on my feet. Your father was h*t by a g*dd*mn semi, dragged 178 yards...and that bastard lived for two more days. Tellers do not d*e easy
Jax : No, we just d*e bloody
Gemma : That's the Irish in us
Jax : When you and dad hooked up, he ever talk to you about his vision? About what he wanted from the club?
Gemma : His vision was... you know, what it is. A brotherhood. Family
Jax : And running g*ns? He want that?
Gemma : He never talked about that. Why?
Jax : I found a box of his old sh*t in the storage unit. There's, like, pictures and journals and... Things I never knew about him
Gemma : What kind of things?
Jax : It seemed like his original idea for the MC was something simpler. You know, social rebellion. He called it a Harley commune. It wasn't outlaw. It was real hippie sh*t.
Gemma : We had a lot of bright ideas back then. We were kids. Your father became a man. Man take care of business
Jax : Yeah, we do. You should get home, Mom. Finish cleaning tomorrow. I'll lock up.
Gemma : Ok, darling
Jax : Good night, mom
Gemma : Good night, baby
In the board of Gemma and Clay
Gemma : How are the hands, baby?
Clay : Ah. Just the damp. Where have you been?
Gemma : Cleaning up at Jax's
Clay : Of course you were. All this stuff with Abel is pushing some old buttons, huh?
Gemma : It's not my buttons I'm worried about. Jax is going through some sh*t
Clay : Yeah,I know
Gemma : Not just with the kid
Clay : What do you mean?
Gemma : He found a box of John's stuff in storage. He was aking me about his original vision for the club. Did he wanna get into running g*ns?
Clay : Tonight he said that maybe we shouldn't rebuild the factory
Gemma : sh*t, He's getting chewed up by that guilt. Remorse is a dangerous thing. Look what Tommy's d*ath did to John. It changed him. Made him soft. You've gotta nail Jax down. You have to nail him down hard, Clay. Whatever it takes. I don't want the ghost of John poisoning him... ruining everything we've built
Clay : Nothing is gonna get ruined, okay? Just don't throw your panic into high gear.
Gemma : They respect him. Jax is strong. And when you step down as presi...
Clay : Hey, hey, I'm not going anywhere
Gemma : I know baby. I know. It's just, when you can't ride anymore... they'll vote my son in as president. I just wanna make sure he's following in the right father's footsteps. Okay?
In a cafe, the Sons have an appointment with Darby
Clay : A little get-well present for your guy, Darby
Darby : That's some serious iron. Izzy'll like that, thank you
Jax : Figurent it would give him something that had some balls
Clay : I know what it's like running a crew. Sometimes your guys do sh*t... without thinking things through
Darby : My guys are thinking just fine
Jax: They thinking fine when they sell crank to my pregnant ex?
Darby : That was unfortunate. How's your little family doing, anyway?
Clay : All right, all right, Everybody contain your sh*t.
Un Nords : Get off me
Clay : You done?
Jax : Yeah
Clay : Sorry folks. Go back to your corndogs. Won't happen again
Darby : I made sure the brotherhood had Opie's back every minute that he was in Chino
Clay : Oh, I know how it works inside, Darby. Question is, do you remember how it works outside?
Un Nords : A lot changes in three years
Clay : And a lot stays the same. Nothing happens in Charming we don't control or get a piece of.
Bobby : If we wanted a meth trade, we'd have one
Jax : We don't
Clay : You know the drill. I mean, you can cook all the crank you want along the border. But you do not deal in Charming.
Darby : We ain't the only cook shop in town. Devil wants in, he'll get in.
Clay : Well, then you got your work cut out for you. Because the next time the devil crosses the border... I'm coming after you. And next time, I'm not gonna use a 357... as a get-well present
Darby : There's no need to be making thr*at. Me and my boys have always managed to make things work with Samcro.
Clay : Good
Jax : Milk and Cookies are on us
The hospital St Thomas
Tara : Abel's stomach surgery went well, but it's putting a strain on his system. Dr Namid doesn't wanna wait. We should do the heart surgery now
Luanne : That's good, right? That they're not waiting?
Tara : It's the best choice, yes
Gemma : Thanks
Tara : Can we talk?
Gemma : What is it?
Tara : Wendy's in really bad shape. She's still detoxing. Can't stop crying
Gemma : And?
Tara : I was hoping mayde you could talk to her. Just let her know she's not all alone
Gemma : Trust me. Nothing I'm gonna say to that crank whore is gonna make her feel loved
Tara : I forgot just how forthright you can be
Gemma : You forgot a lot of thinks, sweetheart
Tara : If you have a problem with me assisting on Abel's case, just say so.
Gemma : You a good doctor?
Tara : Yes
Gemma : Then I don't have a problem
Tara : Good. Look, people change. I'm not the same girl Iwas 10 years ago
Gemma : I am. Guess there's some things you can't change
Tara : I leave it there so I remember all that sh*t's behind me
Gemma : Forgot just how clever you can be. Bitch
Sons of the club
Jax : Mayans got two shops where they cut and bag the heroin. twenty minutes outside of Oakland. Here
Juice : Marcus Alvarez, presient of the Oakland charter... owns both buildings where they run their dope
Chibs : The local cops are on the payroll, so it's a no-hassle gig
Jax : Which makes them lazy. Alvarez don't try too hard to cover his tracks
Tig : He knows that we'd be on to cut shops. He wouldn't take a chance housing the M*s there
Clay : Stores them someplace off the grid
Jax : Backtracked one of Alvarez' dummy corporations... in San Leandro, along the UPac rail line. Here. Marcalva Industrial Storage. Way off the grid
Clay : Good work, kids
Opie preparing expl*sives at him
Donna : What are you doing?
Opie : Gotta make a run
Donna : What's in the bag?
Opie : Nothing
Donna : You promised you were done
Opie : It's got nothing to do with you
Donna : I get sh*t on if you get caught
Opie : Not gonna happen
Donna : You sat in a cell for five years while Clay and the others got rich. They sold you out. You know that. You're just too weak to stand up to them
Opie : Give me the bag. Give me the bag.
Donna : No, no, no...
Opie : Donna, stop it. Stop it
Donna : No, don't
Opie : Donna
Donna : Come on, boys. Let's go inside
Opie : Didn't hear you pull up
Jax : Parked down the block. Didn't wanna tweak Donna
Opie : You catch all that?
Jax : Enough
Opie : I think she's already tweaked
Jax : Yeah, stay here. I'll handle the run
Opie : Oh oh oh, I don't show up, Clay will chop off both our dicks
Jax : Take your kid to the ER. Tell them she h*t her head or something. Just get on record being there. I'll cover you with Samcro.
Opie : What about the boom?
Jax : I watched you do it before. I'll call you on the prepay if I need help
Opie : Are you sure about this?
Jax : Go fix your family
Opie : Hey, Why didn't you tell me about your kid?
Jax : I didn't know what to say. Still don't
Clay and Jax on the road to go to the warehouse of Mayans
Clay : Where's Opie?
Jax : Kid got hurt. Had to take her to the hospital. Got the bag. I can make it work. It's all good, brother
Concert Taho
Elvis asian : How does that sound? That was beatiful, babe. It's all shook up, ha, ha
Simon : Bobby, Jesus, what are you doing here?
Bobby : Simon, what the hell is that? I'm booked. Tonight, tomorrow, five shows
Simon : I got a new girl in booking. Dumb bitch doubled up my acts
Bobby : Yeah, well, g*dd*mn it, Simon
Prospect : Why don't you just tell Chung King to take a hike?
Simon : I got six busloads of Korean tourists coming in. They love Asian Elvis. I'll get you next month, Bobby
Elvis asian : Better luck next time, bubba. Thank you!
Backstage Concert
Elvis asian : Who is it?
Prospect : The colonel
Elvis asiatique : Oh, sweet Jesus.Oh help me, Mama, help me. Oh sweet Jesus...
The Sons are the warehouse of Mayans
Clay : Praise Jesus, it's a miracle
Chibs : And I've got the rest over there
Clay : Get the g*ns in the van. Wire this sh*thole up
Jax : sh*t
Clay : What the hell is the problem?
Jax : Nothing. I just gotta check something with Opie
Tig : g*ns are loaded. What's the holdup?
Clay : We got company. Gotta be the Mayans
Tig : Yeah.
Clay : Get the van out of sight, lay low.
Tig : Let's go
Clay : You. With me
Un Mayans : Open it
Un autre Mayans : It's the electric panel way into the back
Un Mayans : Okay man!
Clay : sh*t! We should've been long gone by now
Jax : Well, we got the iron. Let's get the hell out of here
Clay : I came to send a message. Those two w*tbacks see that busted back door... they'll call for backup
Jax : bl*wing up sh*t's one thing.We off these guys, could trigger something out of control
Clay : Well, that's the cost of your mistake. You got a problem making it right?
Jax : I'll draw them to the Dumpster
Jax : (singing) When your bladder's full, you gotta piss
Un Mayans : Hey, tell your dirtbag budd*es, they camp out here, they get some of this
Clay : No, bang bang, por favor. You tell your dirtbag budd*es... they steal from Samcro, they get some of this
Happy : I got him
Jax : Go check the back. Make sure that's all of them
Clay : He's all yours
During the operation of Abel to the hospital
Une Infirmière : BP's dropping
Le Docteur : Get the paddles
Une Infirmière : Charging
Le Docteur : Keep clear
Tara : Check the leads
Le Docteur : Prepare to massage the heart
A warehouse of Mayans
Un Mayans : Por Favor
Jax : I'm all right. Got the vest
Clay : Finish it
Jax : It's finished
Chibs : Oh Mary, mother of Christ, I leave you bad boys for two minutes and it all turns to sh*t
Jax : We're all good
Clay : Let's get out of here
Tig : Clay, look at this
Jax : Darby's guy
Clay : Darby did make some new friends in Chino
Tig : White boy must've sucked lots of brown dick
Jax : Nords crew up with the Mayans, gives them numbers, access to g*ns
Clay : A common enemy, us!
Jax : Darby wants Charming
Clay : There goes the neighborhood
At St Thomas's Hospital
Une infirmière : Sinus rhythm's back. Oh two sats are coming up
A warehouse of Mayans
Chibs : Candles in the cake
Clay : Let's go home
Gemma visits Wendy in the hospital
Gemma : Hi
Wendy : Hey
Gemma : Looks like the boy might actually see his first birthday
Wendy : He made it? Oh, Abel, thank God
Gemma : Yes, thank you, God. Maybe we should say a little prayer
Wendy : Okay. That'd be good
Gemma : Dear God, thank you for saving this boy... for this m*rder junkie mom who cared more about a 40 dollar rush... than she did her own flesh and blood
Wendy : Don't you dare
Gemma : Don't I dare? You pathetic whore. Guess the DA was impressed with your Bible stud*es. Hear they're not gonna press charges
Wendy : When I check out of here, I'm going into Promises
Gemma : Let's just throw money at those 12-step freaks. How long is it gonna last this time? Six months? Three? A couple of weeks?
Wendy : It's gonna be different this time. This time I have my baby to live for
Gemma : That's where you're wrong. You have no baby. You lost that privilege. You so much as cast a shadow on that kid... try to turn some legal screw and get custody... I will finish this job. He will never call you " Mommy". I suggest you turn to Jesus
Jax : Is he gonna be okay?
Tara : He looks good... Clean yourself up, Jax
Gemma : (A Jax talking Abel) He's perfect | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "01x01 - The Pilot"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy: CLAY: AK's and g*n. Let's go.
(grunts)
(people screaming)
MAN: Outside! Outside!
OFFICER: Drop the g*n now!
OSWALD: I called Rosen. Posted bail a few hours ago.
GEMMA: Oh, my God!
OSWALD: Promised to keep him out of trouble until after the trial.
NATE: Rose, how could you?!
GEMMA: Jesus Christ, Dad! NATE: What?
TIG: He sh*t me, the crazy old prick.
AMELIA: He thought I was Rose!
NATE: What did I do?
TARA: Gemma called. Something happened with your granddad; she wants me up there.
JAX: No, if you get caught with my mom, that's aiding and abetting.
A federal crime.
Well what do you want me to tell her?
Tell her you're taking a leave of absence.
GEMMA: Doing a little research?
AMELIA: Whatever you did, it's none of my business. The reward's been upped to 25 grand.
GEMMA: g*n's empty, sweetheart. Let's go, my greedy little Guatie.
CHERRY: I haven't been completely honest with Half-Sack; sort of married. He wouldn't divorce me so I left, took everything.
GEMMA: You're wanted for grand theft.
CHERRY: I love Half-Sack, Gemma. What the hell am I gonna do?
GEMMA: You gotta get out of here. You'll be safe in Ireland, Cherry.
CHERRY: Thank you. Bye, Kip.
CAMERON: Gemma k*lled my Eddy, son for a son.
TARA: No!
(baby crying)
(Tara gasps)
(baby crying)
JAX: They took my son!
JUICE: Three days ago, Amtrak station in Rocklin.
Timothy O'Dell and infant bought a one-way ticket to Vancouver.
(tires squealing)
JACOB: Charming needs its local police. Back me for mayor, support my changes. I'll let you handpick your successor. You protect your department, we both protect the town.
You think about it.
MAUREEN: ...before anybody sees you. Get that child out of the damp.
KELLAN: Wait until dark. Mark him. I want everyone to know Cammy Hayes came home.
(laughter)
BOBBY: Yo!
LANDER: What's up?
BOBBY: How you been? What's up, bro?
CLAY: Mayans are locking down Lodi.
Setting up distribution for heroin.
JAX: Ferrying through Charming to get to Stockton Yard.
T.O.: Ah, shit, I know you ain't gonna let that happen.
JAX: We run at this now, it turns long and bloody.
CLAY: Alvarez don't want a w*r any more than we do.
What we need is intel: where they process, when they mule.
T.O.: All right, we can start digging, but we're gonna need AK's, at least a half dozen.
CLAY: Shit, I ain't gonna have no shipment till the end of the month.
T.O.: Listen, man, it's been a long time since we had this kind of weight in our backyard, brother.
CLAY: We may be able to find some MP-5's.
T.O.
: All right, that'll work.
You be cool, man. Stay right.
LANDER: Yo, Elvis, you, too.
BOBBY: Yo, Luke.
LUKE: You thinking of adding a little color to the ranks?
CLAY: Yeah, black Irish.
JAX: You asked Jimmy about the photo?
LUKE: Aye, said Cameron was on the train 'cause it was too risky to fly.
Gotta still be in Vancouver.
JAX: What about his contacts, places he stays?
You understand?! I need details!
LUKE: That task is on the soldier. Army doesn't get involved in specifics.
JAX: I don't give a shit what the Army does.
Your guy has my son.
LUKE: Sorry, Jax.
JAX: You're sorry?
Do you have kids?
LUKE: I don't.
JAX: Then you don't know shit about sorry, assh*le.
BOBBY: Jax, Jax, Jax!
LUKE: We're being diligent on this, Clay.
Got my word on that.
CLAY: Yeah.
LUKE: The last shipment.
Same deal, ten KG-9s, six rolls.
CLAY: We'll give you a call after we hand off in Oregon.
BOBBY: Bring those over.
OPIE: We gotta find Abel... quick.
CLAY: Yeah, I know.
Have Juice find Serg.
BOBBY: Will do.
CLAY: Go talk to Lin.
MAUREEN: Should I ask?
KELLAN: Got the blessings.
It's fast.
We did what needed to be done.
MAUREEN: I'm losing sight of that need, brother.
KELLAN: I've come for the boy, Mo.
MAUREEN: Why?
Where you taking him?
KELLAN: A good Catholic family.
He's already got a family.
KELLAN: Don't get attached, Mo.
This can't be about your love for his grandfather.
MAUREEN: Do you ever think...
J.T. made a mistake?
Maybe if he'd stayed in Belfast with me... KELLAN: John Teller's family was in Charming.
Where is he?
MAUREEN: He's in my bedroom.
KELLAN: He'll see no harm, I promise.
TARA: Well, you're gonna be fine.
There's no bone or muscle damage.
TIG: Thanks, doc.
I'm sorry I pulled you away from your work.
TARA: It's okay.
TIG: How's, uh, Jax holding up?
TARA: I don't know.
GEMMA: Dad?
TARA: I'm sure he tells you guys more than he does me.
TIG: Ah... GEMMA: Daddy? Nate?
Have you seen Nate?
He's not in his room.
TARA: No, not since this morning.
GEMMA: He's gone!
So's the hunting r*fle.
TIG: Oh, shit.
You know, I did hear a car about 20 minutes ago.
GEMMA: Oh, Christ!
Oh, shit!
The Caddy's gone.
TARA: Is he okay to drive?
GEMMA: Yeah, it depends what decade he thinks he's cruising in.
TARA: Where would he go?
GEMMA: I have no g*dd*mn idea.
TARA: Someone must know his routine.
GEMMA: Yeah, somebody does.
(footsteps on stairs)
TARA (hushed): Who the hell is that?!
GEMMA: It's his caregiver.
Oh my God.
Are you insane?
GEMMA: It's complicated.
AMELIA: Is someone there?
♪ Riding through this world All alone, God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own The crow flies straight, a perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed until you die Gotta look this life in the eye. ♪
GEMMA: Amelia, I need to ask you a question.
AMELIA: Yeah, and I need to take a piss, like, an hour ago.
GEMMA: I'm sorry. I forgot.
Here.
AMELIA: Ah, that's cold!
GEMMA: Nate took off in the car.
Any idea where he might be heading?
(urine splashing)
AMELIA: What was he wearing?
GEMMA: I don't know.
AMELIA: Depends.
He could be a hundred different places.
GEMMA: Could you be a little more specific?
AMELIA: I'm done.
You cut me loose, I'll help you find him.
GEMMA: Can't do that.
AMELIA: My hands and my feet are numb, my ass is k*lling me.
You can keep a g*n on me. I'll make a few calls, help you find him. That's the deal.
GEMMA: Let me remind you of your circumstances, sweetheart.
You are tied up in a basement with no family, no friends anywhere in the States.
You drop off the planet, no one knows.
No one cares.
AMELIA: Jesus Christ.
Are you thr*at to k*ll me?
GEMMA: No... but I look around this room, I see a drill, box cutters, a welding torch.
Lots of shit make you really uncomfortable.
AMELIA: Psycho bitch!
GEMMA: Listen, you ain't heard nothing, Chiquita.
Anything happens to my dad because of your stalling, I'll make sure you end up in this wheelchair permanently!
(Amelia spits)
(gasps) Bitch!
TARA: Gemma!
(footsteps ascending stairs)
(Amelia sobbing)
(door slams)
CLAY: Buddha's birthday?
LIN: Luncheon for my Hong Kong clients. What do you need?
(men speak Chinese in distance)
CLAY: MP-5's, half dozen.
LIN: I heard about the att*ck.
CLAY: Deeper than that.
JAX: AB gave Alvarez a pipeline to Stockton Yard.
Mayans set up shop in Lodi.
g*n are for some brothers helping us out.
LIN: Explains why they've been giving us less resistance in Oakland.
New shipment from Gaza, 2K each.
BOBBY: Shit. Jew g*n are a little steep.
LIN: That's the family rate.
I'd double that price on the street.
CLAY: We're gifting this hardware.
Ain't got that kind of up-front cash.
LIN: You, uh, still got your Caracara contacts?
JAX: Why?
LIN: Client's new favorite American pastime: making videos with young white p*rn stars. All I got are Asian whores.
JAX: How many bodies you need?
LIN: Four or five willing to get messy.
JAX: Hey, you think Lyla could reach out to a few of the Caracara girls?
Even split, 50-50?
OPIE: I guess.
You'd go with her?
Ok, personal appearances, 10 grand each.
LIN: Come on.
JAX: Hey, you're getting the family rate.
I double that price on the street.
CLAY: Give us the g*n, pay us the difference in cash, charge Hong Kong Spewy whatever you want for the party flicks.
LIN: Okay, better be some high-end lily white p*ssy.
Need 'em here by 3:00.
UNSER: You and Denise coming to Hale's service?
FLOYD: Yeah, we'll be there.
What time's it start?
PINEY (clearing throat): Boys.
How long for a chair?
FLOYD: About 15.
(Piney grunts)
Uh, sorry about your deputy.
UNSER: Yeah.
Thanks.
Looks like you, uh, got yourself an empty chair.
PINEY: Maybe you, uh, better give me a shower, too.
FLOYD: Well, town's a little upset, Piney.
It'll settle.
PINEY: Hmm... JACOB: Wayne, hey, uh, got a second?
I wanted to apologize.
I think I came on a little too strong the other day.
It's an emotional time. I'm sorry.
UNSER: You had something to say and you said it.
JACOB: Right. I...
UNSER: This town needs Charming PD.
JACOB: Yes, it does.
COLETTI: I got a h*t for a Timothy O'Dell...
Arbutus Lodge, Vancouver.
Four days ago. Only stayed one night.
Then what?
Nothing after that.
Could he gone on a plane?
JUICE: Not under that name.
COLETTI: If it were me, I'd pick up another I.D.
Keep the trail cold.
JAX: Check into the port authority records, see if he registered another boat.
COLETTI: Limited access, man.
Hunting bounties is an American privilege.
I got no rights in Canada.
JAX: Shit.
BOBBY: What do you do if you want to find somebody north of the border?
COLETTI: Mercenaries.
I got a great guy.
No questions asked.
First-rate tracker.
Needs cash wired to him before he'll start looking.
Ten grand a head.
JAX: Do it.
CLAY: Counselor, where's your partner?
LOWEN: Rosen's in court.
Wanted me to talk to you in person.
CLAY: That don't sound good.
LOWEN: It's not, sweetheart.
Charming City Council put a motion before the Sanwa judge.
Won a new bail hearing in the as*ault case.
CLAY: Shit!
CHIBS: Yeah.
Well, what does that mean?
LOWEN: It means everyone goes back inside until trial.
CHIBS: Why? What did we do?
PINEY: The att*ck at the wake.
LOWEN: That's right.
They're saying your criminal enterprises instigated the retaliation.
PINEY: Yeah.
CLAY: Jacob Hale.
LOWEN: Guy's a prick.
Got a big ax and he's grinding it.
PINEY: I picked up on that this morning at Floyd's.
The town's pissed.
CLAY: What happens we don't show?
LOWEN: The longer in the wind, the more time it adds.
180 days before your bail is forfeited.
CLAY: When's the hearing?
LOWEN: Friday.
Need a heads up either way.
Sorry, fellas.
This spun my head, too.
JAX: Best intel puts Cameron and Abel in Vancouver.
That's where I'm going.
Do this last run for the Irish.
I'm gonna pick up my mom, get some new I. D., head north.
Gets Gemma out of Dodge.
I'll hook up with Serg's tracker, find my kid.
CLAY: You ain't going alone.
JAX: Look, we don't know how these Sanwa charges are gonna land.
*** said that most of the people at that hall won't testify.
Might end up just being the federal g*n charges.
But if we all skip, we look guilty.
They'll use that against us.
I can't ask you guys to take that h*t.
CLAY: But I can.
Who's up for a Canadian adventure?
CHIBS: Oh, aye, aye.
CLAY: You lose... eh?
JAX: You're all very unbalanced individuals.
CHIBS: Oh?
(laughter)
JAX: Thank you.
BOBBY: If you take Gemma with you, you're going to have to tell her about the kid.
JAX: I know.
CLAY: We'll do that together.
GEMMA: Thanks. He's not at the church.
TARA: I went up and down every street. Checked the mini-mart, the gas station... there's no sign of him.
TIG: I tried calling a few of his friends... there's nothing.
GEMMA: I can't believe I just let him drive away. Jesus, how could I do that? Stupid bitch.
TARA: You have her tied up in a basement. You can't expect her to be cooperative...
GEMMA: Not talking about her!
(sobbing)
(sobbing grows louder)
LYLA: Thanks, Pop. PINEY: Mm-hmm.
OPIE: Hey. LYLA: Hey.
OPIE: You going to pick up the kids?
LYLA: Yeah. I need the Caddy. Is something wrong?
OPIE: I got to ask you for a favor. Club needs some money to track down Abel. We got this opportunity with, um, the Chinese. Kind of a private party kind of thing.
LYLA: p*rn star movie fetish?
OPIE: Sounds about right.
Five grand each. This afternoon.
LYLA: Most of the girls are hurting for work.
I'll call Ima, Tina and maybe the twins.
Um, I want to do it, too.
Jax doesn't have to pay me.
It's my way of helping.
OPIE: You don't have to do that.
LYLA: I want to do it.
Look, I know you hate it, Ope, but I've got maybe another year or two in this niche.
I need to cash in while I still look like everyone's kid sister.
Got to let it go.
OPIE: I just don't want you ending up... LYLA: What?
OPIE: Sad.
LYLA: How could I ever be sad?
I'm with you.
You're my guy.
(applause)
(whistling)
OPIE: Gotta go.
LYLA: See you later? OPIE: Yep.
Will she be able to help?
Yeah, she's gonna call the girls.
CLAY: Beautiful.
JAX: Looks like you guys are working things out, huh?
OPIE: You can never tell.
Every time I try to talk to her, we end up naked.
BOBBY: Just marry her.
That'll stop it.
(Amelia gasps)
TARA: I'm not going to hurt you.
AMELIA: You're the doctor they were waiting for?
I wasn't expecting a woman.
TARA: I'm going to have to clean that out.
It'll sting a little.
(Amelia gasps)
AMELIA: I can't see 'em, but I'm guessing my hands are a nice shade of purple right now.
TARA: Can you feel your fingers?
AMELIA: No, I'm numb.
No circulation.
TARA: I'll cut one hand free, let the blood flow back in.
Don't do anything stupid.
(Amelia gasps)
(Amelia sighs)
AMELIA: Thank you.
Can I trouble you for the bedpan?
Sorry.
TARA: It's okay.
AMELIA: I can't, um... Can you, can you just slide it a little more?
TIG: Gemma, Nate just pulled up!
Gemma, Gemma, Nate just pulled up.
He's headed into the backyard. Come on.
GEMMA: Oh.
(door closes)
Where'd you go, Dad?
Where's the g*n?
NATE: I got rid of it.
GEMMA: Why?
NATE: Did I k*ll someone?
GEMMA: Oh, no, no, Daddy, no.
NATE: I remember... GEMMA: It was an accident.
Tig is okay.
It... it's perfect. Everything is fine.
NATE: Days like this... when I can remember everything I usually forget.
These are the worst days.
I was useless to her, Gemma.
I couldn't even comfort her at the end.
GEMMA: You know Mom's gone?
And, um, you know we're gonna have to leave this place soon?
Go someplace where people can take care of you?
NATE: I know, I know.
GEMMA: I'm sorry, Daddy.
How's the campaign shaping up?
It's not official yet. I'll announce next month.
CLAY: Well, we got a little announcement, too.
Hale's using his influence with the City Council to lock us up till trial.
OSWALD: Not surprised.
He's leveraging David's m*rder, tipping the scales of public sentiment.
OPIE: Yeah, well, it's working.
OSWALD: Afraid so.
Any news on your boy?
JAX: Got a solid lead. He's up in Vancouver.
OSWALD: Oh, Jesus Christ!
You're gonna skip. BOBBY: Temporary departure.
OSWALD: I got 200 acres up against that bail.
CLAY: We'll be back long before it defaults.
You ain't gonna lose your land.
JAX: We're not afraid to do the time, Oswald.
This is about finding my son.
OSWALD: Now Jacob's gonna use the bail against me in the campaign.
He'll say if I didn't put up the money, that little boy wouldn't be sh*t and his brother would still be alive.
JAX: And we'll remind everyone if you didn't put up that bail, Zobelle and the Mayans would own Charming by now.
OSWALD: If anything else happens, Clay, I'm not gonna be able to help.
I need some distance.
CLAY: Well, when you need us, we'll be here.
OSWALD: Good luck finding your son.
(vehicle doors shut)
(Gemma gasps)
AMELIA: Where are the keys to Nate's car?! GEMMA: I don't know!
AMELIA: I will cut your goddamned throat!
GEMMA: I swear, I don't know where they are.
Probably still in his pocket.
(thud, Amelia gasps)
TARA: Oh, my God! Oh!
(Tara panting)
Oh!
Sh... She's d*ad.
GEMMA: Her plan, not mine.
(Tara breathing heavily)
TIG: I leave you girls alone for ten minutes.
GEMMA: Any ideas here?
TARA: Jax can't know about this.
GEMMA: Yeah, this is the last thing the club needs.
TIG: Well, then we better work fast.
They're making a run for the Irish.
They're gonna be up here tomorrow.
TARA: Oh, perfect.
TIG: Bachman. Bachman's based out of Crescent City.
He can probably be here in an hour or so.
The cleaner guy?
Yeah, he's independent.
He works for around 2 or 3 grand, but he is good.
GEMMA: There's some cash here, but not that much.
Will he take jewelry?
TIG: I'll call him.
GEMMA: All right, go keep my dad busy.
TIG: All right.
GEMMA: We'll take care of her.
TARA: We will?
GEMMA: Hey, you're the one who decided her fingers needed to breathe.
You don't want Jax to find out about this, we gotta handle it.
(Tara gasps)
(vomits)
GEMMA: Concussion?
TARA: Mmm! I'm okay.
MAUREEN: Cherry, baby?
A little less smoking, a little more sweeping?
(men conversing in distance)
CHERRY: Yes, ma'am.
Hey.
MAUREEN: Hey!
How was your holiday?
What's the matter, Trini?
TRINITY: Walking back from the depot... there were peelers everywhere.
They found Cammy Hayes strangled... Army tag on his head.
CHERRY: Shit!
MAUREEN: Take your laundry upstairs.
Get it started.
TRINITY: Ain't you got nothing to say, Ma?
Cammy was your cousin!
MAUREEN: Cammy was a fool!
He died a fool's death!
Now go on upstairs! Do you hear me?!
McGEE: Hey.
All right, listen to your ma, huh?
Well, I guess you heard.
MAUREEN: Hi.
McGEE: So, do you know anything about it?
MAUREEN: Just that he's d*ad.
McGEE: Right.
He was your kin.
He didn't reach out to you.
I've got 47 cousins.
None of them reach out.
(zipping bag)
(motorcycles depart)
I ask you to do something, you think you can keep your mouth shut?
CHERRY: Of course.
MAUREEN: I need you to reach out to Charming.
Get a cell number for Gemma Teller.
CHERRY: Why?
MAUREEN: Part of the mouth shutting... not asking any questions.
CHERRY: Okay, I'll give Half-Sack a call.
JAX: You're missing a sweet Asian buffet inside.
All you can eat.
CLAY: Ah.
With your mom being away, it feels too much like cheating.
I miss her so g*dd*mn much.
JAX: Yeah, me, too.
CLAY: Shit, I better go get my dick sucked.
I'm starting to sound as whipped as you.
JAX: Blow me.
CLAY: I love you, too, son.
(both grunting)
(sighs)
(phone ringing)
GEMMA: Talk to him.
TARA: Hey.
JAX: Finally.
TARA: Sorry. There's been a lot going on here.
JAX: What was the crisis with Nate?
TARA: You really want to know?
JAX: Shit.
TARA: Apparently your granddad went off the rails a bit... sh*t Tig.
Thought he was an intruder.
Jesus Christ.
Well, he's ok.
It's pretty much superficial.
JAX: Look, I'm heading up there tomorrow.
Just stay put, okay?
TARA: Yeah.
I'm sorry I left the way I did.
JAX: It's okay.
As long as everyone's safe.
TARA: Yeah.
Everyone's fine.
NATE: Who's that?
TIG: He's someone for Amelia, Nate.
GEMMA: Yeah, he's giving her a ride home.
BACHMAN: This is what I need.
GEMMA: Most of this stuff's in the garage.
I'll send Tara out for the rest.
TIG: Okay.
BACHMAN: How's the drain in that slop sink?
GEMMA: I think it's fine.
BACHMAN: Good.
I'm in the mood for some music.
'80s.
TIG: I'll make that happen.
(lively chatter)
(laughter)
I like the smell of this one.
BOBBY: Uh, Vietnamese is not my favorite, but Chinese, I like...
(woman giggling)
You said you were Chinese, right?
No?
Uh-uh.
CHIBS: You have a full American ass.
JAX: Oh, shit.
CHIBS: Hey, Ope. Opie!
Shit.
OPIE: Let's go. LYLA: Opie, what are you doing?
Hey, let go! What the hell?!
(clamoring)
OPIE: Out, out! LYLA: Jesus Christ!
CHIBS: Get out!
(clamoring continues)
CHIBS: Come on! Come on!
OPIE: Get out, out!
Stay in!
OPIE: Get off!
JUICE: Stay down!
CLAY: Hopefully someone is filming it.
LIN: You guys really know how to crash a party.
CLAY: Sorry.
Ope's still adjusting to his old lady's career path.
LIN: Then why the hell was he here?
CLAY: I don't know what he was thinking.
LIN: He was thinking he doesn't want any g*n or money.
CLAY: I need those MP-5's.
Come on, Lin, all the shit I did for you in Oakland, you can't front me?
LIN: That would set a precedent.
Impacts all my other business. Sorry.
CLAY: What about a piece of our trade?
Italians like small g*n.
They'll want the MP-5's.
I'll give you Cacuzza, you cut me in for ten percent.
LIN: Five.
And I deal direct.
CLAY: Get us our g*n.
MAUREEN: Hey, darlin'.
What happened?
CHERRY: I just talked to one of the croweaters.
And your cousin k*lled Half-Sack.
MAUREEN: The prospect was your guy?
CHERRY: Why wouldn't you tell me something like that?
MAUREEN: I'm so sorry, love. I didn't know.
CHERRY (sighs): Here's Gemma's number.
MAUREEN: You going to be okay?
CHERRY: It's part of the deal, right?
MAUREEN: Yeah, it is.
(sighs)
(phone ringing)
PINEY: Oh...
She ain't here.
BACHMAN: All done.
TARA: Where is she?
BACHMAN: Where's who?
GEMMA: Oh.
Here's $1,600.
TIG: Um, take the rest in goods. Anything.
(door opening)
(door closing)
OPIE: I'm sorry, brother.
JAX: It's all good, man.
It was a stupid idea.
We shouldn't have put you through it.
(door opening)
We'll find the money.
OPIE: Hey, grab a drink.
OPIE: What?
JAX: You'd k*ll to get your old lady out of her day job.
All I want is mine to go back to hers.
Tara wants to take a leave.
OPIE: Maybe it's the best thing.
All the shit she's been through.
JAX: Yeah, I don't know.
I'm struggling with it.
My old man's manuscript... he said there's only two ways an old lady makes it.
Either you tell them everything, or you tell them nothing.
Anything else, shit falls apart.
OPIE: I didn't tell Donna anything.
LYLA: All right, Bobby.
BOBBY: Chin up.
JAX: What about this one?
LYLA: Thanks.
OPIE: I don't know yet.
LYLA: Hey, k*ller.
OPIE: Hey.
LYLA: You want to take me home?
OPIE: Sure.
Finish this later?
JAX: Nope.
All right.
Love you, bro.
OPIE: Love you, too.
IMA: Can you give me a lift?
JUICE: Jax, Clay, you got to see this. I just got an e-mail from the Belfast VP. This was taken six hours ago. Short Strand, Belfast.
JAX: Cameron's in Ireland?
JUICE: Then where's Abel? | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "03x03 - Caregiver"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
Put this on. It will help.
I'm fine without it.
Cameron directed his vengeance to the wrong target. And now he's got my son.
We know he's got a fake passport.
He's gotta be back in Belfast.
My intel says he is still here.
I've got a h*t on Timothy O'Dell.
Arbutus Lodge, Vancouver.
What would you do if you wanna find somebody North at the border?
Mercenaries.
10 grand a head.
You know we're gonna have to leave this place soon?
Go, someplace people can take care of you...
Charming City Council put a motion before the San Joa judge.
Won a new bail hearing in the as*ault case.
CHIBS: What does that mean?
Means everyone goes back inside until trial.
KELLAN: Wait until dark.
Mark him.
I want everyone to know Cammy Hayes came home.
I've come for the boy, Mo.
MAUREEN: Fine. Where you taking him?
KELLAN: A good Catholic family.
MAUREEN: He's already got a family.
KELLAN: This is best for now.
TARA: No circulation.
I'll cut one hand free, let the blood flow back in.
(Tara grunts)
(Gemma gasps)
AMELIA: Where are the keys to Nate's car?
GEMMA: I don't know where they are.
No!
(Amelia groans)
Any ideas here?
TARA: Jax can't know about this.
CHIBS: Bachman.
Bachman's based out of Crescent City.
He works for around two or three grand, but he is good.
TARA: Where is she?
BACHMAN: Where's who?
JUICE: I just got an e-mail from the Belfast VP.
This was taken six hours ago.
Short Strand, Belfast.
JAX: Cameron's in Ireland.
JUICE: Then where's Abel?
JIMMY: I needed Cammy to go away...not to be splayed out for public consumption.
KELLAN: Army Council sanctioned it.
Felt the NorCal operation had been compromised by Cameron and Eddie.
A message was needed.
They put that mismanagement on you.
JIMMY: The snags, which were out of my control, are all being righted.
KELLAN: Good.
JIMMY: When I return the baby to Jax Teller, it's finished.
We all move on.
KELLAN: I think it's best we keep the child here for now.
He'll be in loving arms till we know how this plays out.
JIMMY: I'll tell you how it plays out.
A half-mad father and his MC posse rolls into Belfast, he kicks up a shit storm, and alerts every peeler on either side of the wall.
KELLAN: The child is not a bargaining chip.
JIMMY: My point.
This is not about my agenda with the Sons, it's a the progress we've made.
KELLAN: And the profits you've made.
JIMMY: Aye. Aye, Father, I earn.
And it's my bloody efforts that pump cash into our dying fight.
Now, you remember that.
KELLAN: Keeping the child here was not my decision.
JIMMY: Bollocks.
Army Council sways to your brilliant advice.
KELLAN: I offer the guidance of a priest, try and keep us focused on God's will.
JIMMY: Well, maybe it's God's will I give SAMCRO a ring-up, and tell 'em the boy's gone
'cause the priest gave him away to a pair of loving arms.
KELLAN: I think God and everyone with hands folded to him would flag that move extremely capricious.
I would pray on it.
Jimmy.
JAX: Tell me you have my son.
JIMMY: I'm sorry, I don't, Jackson.
Real Army boys grabbed Cammy at Central Station.
Abel wasn't with him.
JAX: Well they had to grill him before they tied off his neck.
JIMMY: No, it happened fast.
JAX: Where the hell is my kid?!
JIMMY: I understand your rage, friend.
If it were my son... JAX: But it's not!
JIMMY: Abel wasn't with Cammy in Belfast.
Which means your boy is still in Vancouver.
JAX: Every word you've spit about my kid has been wrong.
I'm not gonna trust this wave of bullshit.
JIMMY: Well, maybe you'll believe a brother.
LIAM: Jax, Liam O'Neill.
JAX: What are you doing with Jimmy?
LIAM: His crew's tied up in Newry.
Hired us to watch his back while he's up North.
I was with Jimmy, saw the Real-provost scoop up Cammy outside the depot.
Had no baby with him.
That's for real.
JAX: I should come out there, talk to the guys who rounded him up.
Maybe Cameron mentioned a contact or a place he took him.
LIAM: That'll never happen, brother.
You know the drill.
The Sons are just hired g*n.
Hell, we got two bloody Loyalists in the charter; one's the son of an Orangeman.
We're not inside the circle.
Never have been.
JAX: Yeah, okay.
(hangs up)
(Jax exhales sharply)
He said Abel's not in Belfast.
Cameron didn't bring him.
TARA: I explained it to Nate.
I got him to sign.
This gives me power of attorney, so if anything happens while you're...away... GEMMA: Thanks.
TARA: It's a good place.
Your mom did her research.
The neurologist on staff specializes in late-stage Alzheimer's.
GEMMA: Does it have a garden?
TARA: I don't know.
GEMMA: I can't believe I'm sending him off to a g*dd*mn home.
TARA: He'll be taken care of.
GEMMA: He'll die alone... just like she did.
CLAY: Hands look like mine feel.
JAX: We stick with plan A.
You guys drop off the g*n.
Me and Clay'll pick up Mom, we all head north, find my kid.
OPIE: Here's ten grand for Serg's tracker.
Sold the Panhead.
JAX: Thanks, bro.
You ready to do this?
CHIBS: Absolutely, yeah.
OTHERS: Yeah.
BOBBY: I'll wire that to Serg's guy in Vancouver.
JAX: Yeah.
HAPPY: Got a favor to ask.
Mom's in real bad shape.
I've been covering the cost of the hospice, but the meds are breaking me.
PINEY: There's a dealer about
20 minutes outside Rogue River.
She's a good gal.
Supplies all the clinics with scrips.
It's the only way I can get my emphysema meds.
After we make the drop, I'll, uh, I'll take Hap and hook him up.
CLAY: We meet up at Gemma's old man's house.
Sorry to hear about your mom. HAPPY: Thanks.
BOBBY: That dealer, she got Albuterol?
Probably.
Kid is going through three inhalers a week.
Precious is up my ass.
CLAY: Hey, why not?
Make it a party.
(engines revving)
♪ Riding through this world all alone God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own The crow flies straight a perfect line♪
♪ On the devil's bed until you die Gotta look this life In the eye. ♪
Shite!
It's Jimmy.
Gotta go.
(groans)
(Liam urinating)
JAX: What's wrong?
CLAY: Hands.
JAX: You sh**t them up?
CLAY: Your mom's the only one does it right.
JAX: Can you hold a grip?
CLAY: You're going to have to tie me on.
JAX: Yeah.
JAX: That good?
CLAY: Yeah.
NATE: I tried to make it right.
GEMMA: What, Daddy?
NATE: You and... you and your mother.
I know you probably don't believe that.
GEMMA: She swallowed us both up.
I don't blame you.
NATE: She never recovered from Nathaniel's death.
Blamed it all on herself.
I know that burden landed on you.
(sniffs)
I prayed for your mother.
Begged Jesus to take away her pain.
GEMMA: You turned to God.
Rose turned to Rose.
NATE: Her biggest regret... losing you.
Don't let your family slip away.
(motorcycle engines rumbling)
TIG: Hey, Gem.
Boys are here.
GEMMA: Come on, Dad.
Let's go.
GEMMA: g*dd*mn, I missed you.
CLAY: Missed you, too, baby.
So much.
GEMMA: My baby boy.
JAX: Hey, Mom.
GEMMA: How's our little man?
JAX: He's good.
GEMMA: Is he with Neeta?
JAX: Yeah.
Where's Tara?
GEMMA: She's inside.
She's helping me box up some shit.
TIG: Grandpa walking.
CLAY: How is Pop doing?
GEMMA: Finally h*t him that she's gone.
CLAY: Mmm.
GEMMA: He knows he's going away.
You guys go on in.
I... I better go help him get settled.
It's going to be a tough afternoon. TIG: Come on.
How you hanging? You all right?
Good to see you, brother. JAX: You, too.
How's the shoulder?
TIG: It's all right.
It's all right, as long as I don't run out of Grandma's Vicodin.
CLAY: Can you ride?
TIG: Yeah, I think I can.
How about you, brother?
CLAY: I may have to h*t up Grandma's stash myself.
TIG: I got some of that for you.
TARA: Hey.
Did you just get here?
JAX: Yeah.
Is Nate taking all this stuff?
TARA: No.
Gemma wanted to pack up all the sentimental objects and valuables, put them in storage.
The rest goes to the church.
JAX: You doing okay?
TARA: Yeah.
What is it?
JAX: You want the truth, right?
Got to tell you what's going on.
TARA: Okay.
JAX: They're pulling our bail on the church as*ault.
Two days, we're all supposed to go back inside.
TARA: Jesus.
Supposed to?
TARA: Oh, my God.
Where is he?
JAX: Vancouver.
Somewhere.
TARA: You're heading up there?
JAX: Yeah.
We hired a guy to help track him down.
Going to take Gemma, head out after Nate's taken care of.
TARA: Did you tell Gemma about Abel?
JAX: Not yet.
We will.
(knock at door)
TIG: Oh, hey, brother.
Uh, Clay's looking for you.
JAX: Okay.
TIG: Tara, these boxes all going down?
TARA: Yes, please.
JAX: Is that from Tig?
TARA: Yeah.
JAX: Where's the girl?
The one taking care of Nate.
Wasn't that who Tig was tapping?
TARA: Yeah.
She, um... went home.
Back to Guatemala.
I think she was freaked out.
JAX: Yeah, I bet.
(engines rumbling)
CHIBS: Hey, home safe.
Take it easy, brother.
BOBBY: I'll call Luke, let him know we handed off the g*n.
See you guys at Gemma's.
OPIE: Safe ride.
GEMMA: Bitch aged me two years.
So, what's that going to look like?
Me in Canada?
CLAY: We'll get you set up someplace safe, off the grid.
Get you good papers.
TIG: Maybe you go redhead for a while.
GEMMA: Oh, Christ.
Rather shave my head.
JAX: Heat will die down, Mom.
GEMMA: And when do I get to see my family?
My grandson?
JAX: We'll figure it out.
CLAY: It's our only choice, baby.
Good to see you, Nate.
How are you?
JAX: Hey, Grandpa.
NATE: Why are you here?
GEMMA: Clay's here to help me get you settled.
NATE: I don't need his help.
This is what k*lled your mother.
CLAY: Well, old man certainly seems to remember me.
Are you ok, mom?
I should just stay clear of him.
Tara and I will handle it.
TARA: You have to tell her. JAX: I know.
CLAY: Maybe we wait till Nate gets settled.
Spread out the misery.
PINEY: Bobby?
BOBBY: Yeah, I see them.
It don't look good.
PINEY: Let's go find Honey.
(cats meowing)
(glass breaking)
Oh, no... damn.
(woman whimpering)
Honey, get out of here.
BOBBY: Get her up.
Get her up.
Got to move!
Shit!
PINEY: Move!
(g*n blasting)
How many of them?
They're in the other room.
Other room.
PINEY: Who the hell are those guys?
HONEY: Local peckerwoods.
They run most of the crank up here.
They decided they want to be in the scrip-dope business.
HAPPY: Got no service.
All right, tell us where the drugs are, or we'll tear this whole g*dd*mn place apart!
HONEY: Suck my ass, you inbred puddle of piss!
Rip this place apart.
Find them meds.
BOBBY: So we stay in the room... they find the drugs, maybe they leave.
(g*n blasting, Honey yells)
HONEY: That's not going to happen.
They ain't going nowhere.
Check the garage.
PINEY: Come on.
Let's go, go, go, go, go.
HONEY: Come on.
(Bobby sighs)
BOBBY: Holy shit.
HONEY: I got over a half a million in scrip here.
Those tweaker scumbags will k*ll us to get it.
(phone dialing)
JAX: I think that's all of them.
TARA: I want to come with you.
To Canada.
No.
I'm the only one who's not wanted.
You're going to need my help.
JAX: What I need is for you to go back to work.
Go back to work.
TARA: He's mine, too.
I want to be with my family.
JAX: We're not your family!
Do you see how deep I'm buried here?
You don't want this.
TARA: Don't tell me what I want!
I asked for the truth, you gave it to me.
JAX: So you would stay put!
You're not coming up north.
TARA: Yes, I am!
JAX: You want to be an old lady?
Then act like one!
Do what you're told!
Pack your shit and head back to Charming.
(clattering)
TARA: I just helped your mother k*ll someone.
That old lady enough for you?!
JAX: What are you talking about?
TARA: The caretaker.
She att*cked your mother.
JAX: What the hell did you do?
TARA: I had no choice... it was self-defense.
Tig helped us get rid of the body.
GEMMA: Found one more.
What?
Oh, shit.
JAX: What happened?
CLAY: Gotta go.
JAX: I'm dealing with something.
TIG: Yeah, so are Bobby and Piney.
CLAY: What's going on?
JAX: Apparently, our lovely ladies whacked the caretaker.
And this idiot helped them!
CLAY: What?
TIG: Actually, I just made a phone call.
CLAY: Jesus Christ.
This... later.
Let's go.
JAX: Douchebag.
TIG: What happened to, "Oh, we can't tell Jax about anything"?
You two are k*lling me.
Sorry.
I lost it.
I don't know what the hell he wants anymore.
GEMMA: What do you want?
TARA: I'm just trying to get closer.
I want to go with you to Vancouver.
GEMMA: No.
That's a bad idea.
TARA: I thought you, more than anyone, would understand.
GEMMA: We're going to need you in Charming.
If Jax goes away for that church as*ault, and I'm God knows where someone has to take care of Abel.
No one I trust more than you.
You'll be a good mom.
(Tara sobbing)
TARA: I'm sorry.
(laughing)
I better go help Nate get ready.
(sniffs)
GEMMA: I'll be going with you.
TARA: Someone might see you.
GEMMA: My risk.
(Irish folk song playing)
JIMMY: How are you, Mo?
MAUREEN: Jesus.
How'd you get in?
JIMMY: Your lovely daughter.
MAUREEN: What are you doing here? JIMMY: Looking for you.
I know Cammy came to you to set a meeting with your brother.
Makes sense.
I know you'd be my first choice to take care of a wayward infant.
MAUREEN: Jimmy O'Phelan... the all-seeing, all-knowing wizard of base Belfast.
Where's the baby, Maureen?
MAUREEN: He's not here.
What do you care?
JIMMY: He belongs with his da.
MAUREEN: It's not my decision... or yours.
JIMMY: But we know whose decision it is.
And you have sway with the good priest.
MAUREEN: Jimmy, I'm a half-broke shopkeeper.
I've no sway with...
JIMMY: Things are in flux, darling.
The world is changing.
And life and the Short Strand had better bend to it, or we'll all snap like a twig.
You need to decide what end of the stick you want to be holding.
I'd hate to see you and your tight wee family out on the street.
MAUREEN: I don't know where the baby is.
JIMMY: I suggest you inquire.
Soon, yeah?
(g*n)
All right, we know the scrips got to be in there.
You guys with the patches, we ain't got no scrap with you.
Ain't no reason you should get your head blown off guarding some hippie drugger.
So here's the deal... take what you came for, all you want, on the house.
On the house.
And you just walk away.
We both win.
What do you say?
PINEY: 90% of her stuff goes to hospices and clinics.
BOBBY: Well, then we say...
(g*n hammer cocking)
(g*n)
(cat yowling)
Keep moving.
PINEY: Easy, assh*le.
Got your boys.
You put them g*n down or Grandpa gets his head blown off.
Nifty way to handle it.
Do it!
Now!
(motorcycle approaching)
CLAY: Should I call for more backup?
Your move, Fester.
Shit.
Why in the hell are you doing this?
PINEY: 'Cause we're the good guys.
CHIBS: Found these in the van.
Goody bag.
OPIE: More scrips.
HONEY: That's not mine.
Must have h*t somebody else up, too.
JAX: You should take it.
HONEY: It's HIV protocol stuff... steroids.
It's not my niche.
It's got a lot of street value, though.
CLAY: Throw it in the van.
CHIBS: Money's money.
BOBBY: You made a crazy ex-wife very happy. Thank you.
HONEY: For your ma.
HAPPY: Thank you.
HONEY: I think y'all earned it.
PINEY: Whenever you need any help, Rogue River SOA is only 20 minutes away.
(wolf whistle)
HONEY: I'll be fine.
PINEY: I know.
(all hooting)
HONEY: Knock it off.
TARA: I'll go tell the front desk we're here.
GEMMA: Okay.
Daddy, do you know where we are?
NATE: Where's Rose?
GEMMA: She's not here.
NATE: I want to go home.
Take me home.
GEMMA: Daddy... NATE: Please.
No, please, please, just-just... just take me... take me home. Please.
GEMMA: I can't.
I-I can't.
NATE: I want to go home!
GEMMA: I know, Dad... This way, Nate.
NATE: No, no... I-I... I want to go home.
No, I...I...I Come on. NATE: I have to go home.
There's lots of people waiting to meet you.
GEMMA: I'm sorry, Dad.
NATE: I'm ready to go home now!
No, no, no, I-I-I... Come on, Nate.
NATE: No, I have to... please, I have to go home now.
GEMMA (sobbing): I can't.
NATE: No, no, please. I-I... GEMMA: Daddy... TARA: It's okay.
It's going to be okay, Nate.
(sobbing)
(door opens)
(footsteps approach)
Father... MAUREEN: Jimmy just paid me a visit.
That bastard thr*at me.
Said we'd be out on the street when things change.
He wants me to find the child.
KELLAN: Nothing's changing, Mo.
My family's getting hurt because of your dick-fueled power struggle, Kel!
KELLAN: You and Triny are gonna be safe.
You know that.
What I know, what I can't get right with is a man of God giving away a wee baby!
That child is out there, Kel, with no da, no kin belonging to it.
What are you thinking?!
KELLAN: Do you know why Jimmy wants to end our association with the MC?
MAUREEN: McGee said something about not bringing in outsiders anymore.
About putting the tasks of the Sons onto Real Army men.
KELLAN: Right.
Not men... boys.
Jimmy's circle has been down in Newry, South Armagh, recruiting off the streets; broken kids.
Some as young as ten, 11.
Promising there'll be a united Ireland, all the cash and prizes that go with it.
This isn't a child's w*r, Mo.
Jimmy's lost sight of who we are, why we struggle.
He's not a soldier anymore.
Just a gangster.
It's a very... delicate situation.
We need someone from the outside to help us with Jimmy.
Someone who's got as much to lose as we do.
MAUREEN: SAMCRO.
KELLAN: I think it's time you gave Gemma Teller another call, mother-to-mother.
Let her know her grandson's here.
MAUREEN: How did you know I called Gemma Teller?
KELLAN: She's on the run, won't be using her own cell.
Probably a throwaway.
I'll make some inquiries, see if I can get the number.
(sobbing softly)
(keypad beeping)
(phone line rings)
GEMMA: Hello? Uh, could you connect me to Agent Stahl?
It's very important.
I got a line on a fugitive.
JAX: What happened?
TARA: She just took off.
CLAY: What do you mean she took off?
TARA: I went inside to check in Nate.
When I came back, Gemma and the car were gone.
Did she say anything?
No.
She was crying when I left her. Nate was begging her to take him home.
It broke her heart.
JAX: Jesus. She went home!
She went to see her family.
CLAY: Abel.
(soft ballad playing)
GEMMA: Neeta?
Where the hell'd she take him?
(babies crying)
Neeta been here with the baby?
No.
GEMMA: Yeah?
MAUREEN: Gemma?
It's Maureen Ashby.
Know who I am?
GEMMA: Yeah.
How'd you get this number?
MAUREEN: Just listen.
Cammy Hayes took your grandson.
He was my cousin.
He brought the wee one to me to take care of him.
GEMMA: What?
MAUREEN: Abel's in Belfast.
(Gemma gasps)
(motorcycles approach)
Ma! Breathe! Ma, breathe, breathe!
(Gemma gasps)
Tara! | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "03x04 - Home"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
♪♪♪
You thinking about coming back to Charming?
♪♪♪
(people screaming, g*n)
COP: Get down.
BOBBY: Calaveras are a Mayan puppet club. What the hell are they doing, proxying a retaliation?
JAX: What if the att*ck was initiation?
CLAY: Why are you doing Mayan bitch work, ese?
(grunts)
I don't recognize your bullshit MC.
JUICE: Salazar and 2CL jumped me in Chicken Man's van, took my cut.
SALAZAR: You tell Clay my bullshit MC's got some reach, huh?
UNSER: This town needs Charming PD.
JACOB: Yes, it does.
GEMMA: Could you connect me to Agent Stahl? I got a line on a fugitive.
MAUREEN: It's Maureen Ashby.
Cammy Hayes took your grandson.
GEMMA: What?
MAUREEN: Abel's in Belfast.
(Gemma gasping)
TYLER: What the hell is he doing here?
STAHL: I'm handling it. Please go back to bed.
JAX: I'll handle it for Jimmy O'Phelon.
STAHL: What do you want?
JAX: My son, my mother and my club.
MC's got a bail hearing tomorrow.
You need to slow that down.
STAHL: And I'm supposed to just trust you, huh?
JAX: Hey, my club finds out, I'm d*ad.
STAHL: And what makes you think that I would actually believe that the prince will turn rat?
Luke Moran. Jimmy's number 2.
BOBBY: Yeah, thanks.
Yeah.
The ten grand we sent Serg's guy in Vancouver?
It's gone.
Guess mercenaries aren't real big on refunds.
CHIBS: And the money we made on the roids was in the bag the Mexicans took from idiot.
(glass shatters)
BOBBY: We're tapped.
We have a very expensive excursion in front of us.
JAX: What about the other drugs?
JUICE: No street value.
Black market scrips.
We need a way into the clinics.
CLAY: When we blow off that bail hearing this afternoon, we're underground.
It's gonna be a little hard to earn.
You think maybe Tara can help us move those scrips?
JAX: That's not gonna happen.
TIG: I don't see any other way, Jax.
JAX: I said no.
CLAY: She's your old lady... JAX: I don't care!
OPIE: Hey, where we at with the Mayans?
TIG: Based on that delivery schedule, that dope shipment's set to leave for Stockton today at 1:00.
PINEY: Now, that route from Lodi to Stockton is all main roads and highways.
No place off the grid to take it down.
JAX: Then let's get creative.
They're trying to stay under the radar, right?
Means there won't be too many bodies.
CLAY: What time is the meet set with Alvarez?
TIG: 3:00.
I left word for him at his warehouse. Hopefully he'll show.
CLAY:. We snatch up his heroin, he'll show.
We got a vote to get out.
KOZIK: Hey, what's up, Chibby?
Got my transfer letter.
CLAY: Oh, good.
All right, we got the prospects and Happy inside. Let's get it done.
KOZIK: Hey, give me a minute?
Look, man, I know... I know... TIG: What? What do you know?
KOZIK: I'm not expecting you to be okay with this.
TIG: Good.
KOZIK: I can be an asset to the charter.
All right?
I'm just asking you to give me a chance..
We're done?
Yeah.
PINEY: Yay.
JUICE: Yay.
BOBBY: Yay.
JAX: Yup.
CLAY: Bring 'em in.
(gavel bangs)
TIG: Come on.
CHIBS: Well, boys... The easy part is... over.
SHEPARD: I get it, man... JAX: Shut up!
You don't say anything unless a member tells you to.
TIG: Prospect period ends minimum one year today.
BOBBY: Dues are 75 bucks a month, due on the first.
CLAY: Welcome.
Don't get yourself k*lled.
OPIE: And get the hell out of here.
ALL: Shut the door!
(all laughing)
CLAY: I got two requests for transfer, one from Tacoma, one from the nomads.
Kozik and Happy both want to be a part of SAMCRO.
Just want to say, for me, both these guys would make welcome additions.
And to be honest, we need you.
So... let's vote it.
Happy?
Yay.
TIG: Yay.
CHIBS: Aye.
OPIE: Yay.
PINEY: Yes.
JUICE: Yay.
BOBBY: Yeah.
JAX: Yeah!
(all laughing)
(gavel bangs)
CLAY: Kozik, yay.
TIG: Nay.
(Jax sighs)
CLAY: Jesus Christ. Really?
TIG: I don't trust him, man.
HAPPY: Yeah!
BOBBY: Look what I got.
Look what I got.
Eh... Welcome, brother.
Welcome.
CLAY: Sorry, man. I thought he was on board.
JAX: Whatever.
CLAY: You stick around, you understand?
JAX: Yeah.
Tig just wants you to know how big his dick is.
We'll vote again in a couple weeks.
You'll be SAMCRO.
KOZIK: Yeah?
I'm gonna start the healing.
(Tig groans)
JAX: Oh!
TIG: You son of a bitch.
KOZIK: No fun getting suckerpunched, is it?
TIG: No, it's not!
(men shouting indistinctly)
PHIL: Should we do anything?
JAX: Yeah.
Get some brooms.
There'll be a lot of shit to clean up.
BOBBY: Boys!
HAPPY: Don't dance, h*t him!
(men shouting)
♪ Riding through this world all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul you're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight a perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life in the eye. ♪
CLAY: Bail hearing's at 5:00.
GEMMA: Where do you drop out?
CLAY: Not sure.
I'm hoping Unser can help.
Just need a few days.
Figure out a way to Belfast.
GEMMA: Can you go commercial, fake passports?
CLAY: No. We'll be fugitives with photos on file.
(tinkling)
I'm gonna reach out to Oswald.
(toilet flushes)
(door opens)
LOWEN: Good morning.
Everything okay?
GEMMA: Yeah.
I get lonely.
(Lowen laughs)
CLAY: They doing this interview now?
LOWEN: Soon.
I spent all night wrestling with the U.S. Attorney's office.
They've agreed to take the death penalty off the table if you plead guilty to the two m*rder.
GEMMA: Visitation?
LOWEN: One thing at a time.
CLAY: Jesus.
GEMMA: Okay.
LOWEN: I just talked to Lowen.
She said our bail hearing's still on the Sanwa docket.
STAHL: My super was impressed with Luke.
Put me back on the Irish.
Limited basis.
JAX: You're welcome.
STAHL: I've convinced him that I need SAMCRO out of jail right now, but getting through to county is going to involve a lot of favors.
JAX: Not my problem.
STAHL: No.
But this is.
It's Gemma's statement about what happened with Polly and Edmond at the safehouse.
JAX: Wait a minute. This...
I don't get it.
STAHL: You don't have to.
Just make sure that your mother feeds the details back to us.
If you want her clear of the homicide, get her on board.
JAX: Okay.
STAHL: I'll make sure that we keep you out of jail for a couple more weeks.
CLAY: What did Stahl want?
JAX: More demands.
What?
CLAY: What the hell is going on with Tara?
(sighs)
JAX: I don't know.
She's a surgeon, Clay. She's in that room saving lives every day.
CLAY: And your point?
JAX: Well, that's the opposite of everything I am.
CLAY: Aah, that's your guilt talking.
JAX: I don't know. Maybe.
CLAY: She's just a chick.
Don't complicate it.
You got to make a decision, son. She's either in or out.
JAX: I know.
CLAY: But if she's out... you don't let that hammer fall until she moves those scrips for us.
We don't get that cash, we don't get your son.
TARA: What's going on?
This about Gemma?
JAX: No.
I need to ask you for a favor.
TARA: Okay.
JAX: The club came into some prescription drugs.
Mostly HIV stuff.
I was wondering if you know a clinic that might need it.
TARA: Black market?
JAX: I just need a name.
TARA: Yeah, you're gonna need more than that.
(Tara sighs)
I know where to take it.
JAX: You're not taking it anywhere.
TARA: They're medical professionals, Jax.
They're not gonna buy drugs from a biker.
I know the money is to get you guys to Belfast.
Let me help?
(g*n)
(man speaking Spanish)
(speaking Spanish)
PINEY: Looks like you fellas need some help?
Tire blew.
KOZIK: Doing construction up ahead.
You probably picked up a bolt.
We've been making runs out here all week.
PINEY: Looks like you're gonna need a new rim.
There's a tire shop up off of Mills.
I can hook you up and pull you in.
40 bucks.
No skin off my nose.
KOZIK: Just handle it soon.
The cops'll tow you after three.
All right.
(speaking Spanish)
My guy's gonna ride with you.
KOZIK: All right, man.
Yeah. KOZIK: Back it up.
GEMMA: What the hell is this?
JAX: It's your statement for the Feds.
GEMMA: Where did you get this? Who wrote it?
JAX: I can't tell you that.
Not yet.
This is what happened at the safe house.
Point for point.
GEMMA: This is from Stahl, isn't it?
What did you do?
JAX: I'm protecting my club and my family.
GEMMA: Do not get in bed with this bitch.
JAX: This is not up for discussion.
You hear me?
Right now, you're not my mother.
You're just a member's old lady.
And I am telling you... this is what you need to do to protect SAMCRO.
GEMMA: Jackson, we... JAX: Mom, you need to trust me.
And this has to be our secret.
(tires squealing)
Hey, where the hell are you going?
KOZIK: A shortcut.
(groans)
Oh, shit!
(indistinct yelling, g*n)
Get in.
OPIE: Think I found the prize... TIG: Juice, pop the others.
JUICE: Got it.
Mm-hmm.
BOBBY (laughing): Oh, look at that.
That'll get rid of some stains.
Good work, boys.
(sighs)
CLAY: Never got to formally express my condolences.
Hale was a pain in the ass, but that's a bad way to go.
UNSER: Yeah.
CLAY: You and me... we've been through a lot together, Wayne.
We made a deal.
Keep the blood out of our backyard.
Well... lately, I ain't been holding up my end.
Half-Sack getting k*lled, drive-by outside of Dubrowski's.
I just want to let you know that the weight of that ain't been lost on me, And I ain't ever gonna ever let that happen again.
UNSER: I wish I could believe that, Clay.
Truth is, I feel closer to SAMCRO than I do most folks in this house.
CLAY: Yeah.
I know.
We... Got a line on, where Abel is.
Belfast.
We're gonna go get him.
UNSER: Well, you have a bail hearing in three hours.
Is that what this is about?
This mea culpa? Huh?
You need a favor?
CLAY: No.
Yeah.
I need a favor.
(Unser sighs)
But everything I've been saying to you is the truth.
UNSER: The compromises I make, associations I have... at the end of the day, the thing that allows me to sleep is knowing that I'm keeping Charming safe.
And I ain't been sleeping much lately, Clay.
CLAY: Me, neither.
UNSER: I cannot help you go AWOL.
And I wish that didn't make me feel as bad as it does.
GEMMA: I spotted Polly at the grocery store, followed her to that house.
WRIGHT: And why were you following her, ma'am?
GEMMA: I was r*ped two months ago.
She was part of it.
I don't really know why I followed her.
Instinctual, I guess.
WRIGHT: Did you report the as*ault?
(whispering)
GEMMA: No.
I knew the kind of damage it would do to my family.
Didn't want them to know.
WRIGHT: Okay. Continue.
GEMMA: Walked into the house. I saw Polly in the doorway of the back room. She had a g*n. Took mine out. That's when I saw the Irish kid, laying on the ground. d*ad.
STAHL: It's a lie.
WRIGHT: This is a deposition, not an interrogation, Agent. You're here as a courtesy.
GEMMA: Polly spotted me and turned her g*n. I sh*t first. k*ll or be k*lled.
WRIGHT: Then what?
GEMMA: Then I just sat on the couch. Kind of in shock, really. Never k*lled anybody before. Then this A*F agent walked out of the back room. She'd been hiding there the whole time. My guess? She's the one who k*lled Edmond. Put the dirty k*ll on me.
STAHL: You're a liar.
LOWEN: We're not asking you to make guesses, Gemma.
WRIGHT: Can you identify the agent?
GEMMA: Yeah.
She's in this room.
WRIGHT: Agent Stahl?
GEMMA: No.
It was her.
WRIGHT: Agent Tyler?
ALVAREZ: What is this, Clay?
CLAY: We know you're patching over the Calaveras.
JAX: Cutting and bagging heroin at the janitorial supply house, piping it to Stockton.
ALVAREZ: If you're here to declare w*r, consider it already on.
CLAY: We're tired of getting bloody.
Your att*ck at the wake, our att*ck at Zobelle's getaway.
Why don't we just call it even?
ALVAREZ: Too much history to be even, Clay.
CLAY: That's my point.
We've been doing this too long, Marcus.
Nobody ever wins.
ALVAREZ: Get to the point, ese.
CHIBS: I think that you lost something.
ALVAREZ: You stupid little shit!
(men speaking Spanish)
CLAY: Moving high-risk cargo is tricky.
Things tend to get lost in transit.
However, if it comes across our borders again, we can guarantee safe passage to Stockton.
JAX: And that's why you're patching over these idiots, right?
So shit like this don't happen.
We got a better idea.
Our brothers in Lodi are more capable, and with our support, your new enterprise is protected.
CLAY: We're trying to make peace here.
ALVAREZ: And how much is peace gonna cost me, Clay?
CLAY: I'll let the Bastards negotiate their own fee.
For us, just a toll.
25K a run.
JAX: We'll consider this the first run.
ALVAREZ: Last time we made a deal, I lost my son.
CLAY: Yeah, and you tried to assassinate me.
It's what we do.
It ain't personal.
It's just about the cash.
This is the best play for both of us.
(whispering)
ALVAREZ: Okay.
JAX: Means no Mayan charter in Lodi.
ALVAREZ: Shit.
None of these bitches would have made the cut anyhow.
SALAZAR: This is bullshit, Alvarez.
You can't...
(Alvarez speaking Spanish)
(Salazar groaning)
ALVAREZ: I need one more thing.
There's a rat up at St. Thomas.
Testifies at the end of the week.
JAX: Pozo. ALVAREZ: Yeah.
You handle that, and we're good.
CLAY: Handled.
I'm glad we found your merchandise.
Hey, I think you lost something, too.
TIG: You get this, huh?
ALVAREZ: How could you let those bitches take your cut, ese?
An embarrassment to Latinos everywhere.
(laughter)
SALAZAR: Just gonna bow to these assholes, huh?
JAX: Hey, hey, hey, you mind?
What's up, home boy?
Make this right. JUICE: Yeah.
(grunting)
(Salazar groaning)
TYLER: What the hell was that? Why did she finger me?
STAHL: She couldn't help herself.
And she's got too much hate for the law to make a deal.
She was too afraid to put the lie on me, so she saw you standing there, and she decided to...
Uh, all right, look, okay, we have proof, all right?
We've got fingerprints on the g*n and motive.
It... Look, all right, this is all smoke, baby, okay?
I promise.
All right?
Come on.
GEMMA: Okay, baby.
Love you.
(Lowen sighs)
LOWEN: You want to explain to me why you sabotaged your deal?
GEMMA: I had a change of heart.
LOWEN: The U.S. Attorney's office is furious.
I don't know what to do here, Gemma.
GEMMA: Yeah. Sorry.
I got to get out of this room for a while.
Could you just ask my baby-sitter out there if we can take an escorted therapy stroll?
Then I'll fill you in on what's going on, I promise.
(sighs)
(groans)
(indistinct P.A. announcement)
(sighs)
TARA: Why don't we go out back so you can see for yourself?
Jax is right down the hall.
(grunts)
JAX: Hey. How you doing?
TARA: This is Dr. Percy.
This is Jax.
Are we next?
TARA: Expiration's good.
These are all Alcott Labs, Jerry.
Nothing's generic.
DR. PERCY: These are great.
(pills rattling in bottle)
JAX: We'll need the money by the end of the day.
PERCY: I'm not sure if I can get it all.
Still counting money. Lot of red tape.
JAX: Take it.
Get us what you can.
PERCY: Thank you.
DARBY: Son of a bitch. SAMCRO's in the drug business.
Warm that up for you? There you go.
All right.
(indistinct chatter)
(Darby sighs)
DARBY: How's that pie?
JACOB: Fresh.
What do you want, Darby?
DARBY: I think you might be interested in what I have to say.
JACOB: Oh, I can't wait.
Saw Jax Teller and his doctor girlfriend at the Kellerman clinic.
They were moving illegal scrips.
And how do you know they were illegal?
DARBY: I know an illegal drug buy when I see one.
JACOB: The Sons are in the dope business?
DARBY: It would appear that way.
They probably got a garage full of oxy.
JACOB: And why are you sharing this with me and my pie?
DARBY: 'Cause I want these assholes to suffer.
The cops in this town are in Clay's pocket, and after what happened to your little brother, I'd think that you'd have an ax to grind with the Sons, too.
JACOB: You want me to get rid of your competition.
DARBY: Nah, I ain't in the game anymore.
Nords are done, and almost getting b*rned to death tends to make one rethink one's priorities.
JACOB: Revenge isn't exactly taking the high road.
DARBY: Well, just 'cause I ain't dirty doesn't mean that I'm a saint.
You got the information.
You do what you want.
EGLEE: Yeah, I'll... Okay, I'll tell him.
That was Sanwa Sheriffs.
Planning a raid on the Son's clubhouse.
Want us to assist.
(overlapping chatter)
(elevator bell dings)
OPIE: Here to see Gemma.
Um, Mrs. Morrow's not in her room.
OPIE: Mind if I wait?
Sure.
(alarm ringing)
(indistinct PA announcement)
(Chucky whooping)
Is this real?
I don't know.
(Chucky whooping)
Hey, I know that son of a bitch.
(Chucky laughing)
(Chucky whoops)
(rhythmic beeping)
(alarm ringing in distance)
(grunts)
KOZIK: Come on, come on, get the cyanide.
TIG: I can't find it. POZO: (muffled screaming)
KOZIK: Are you kidding me? TIG: Shit.
(Pozo groans)
KOZIK: Ow!
(grunting)
TIG: Jesus Christ. What the hell are you doing, man?
We can't hurt this guy. KOZIK: Just do it.
(rhythmic beeping)
(panting)
OPIE: Hey, uh, what did he do?
You know this guy?
OPIE: Yeah, sort of.
Well, he's sort of under arrest for reckless endangerment and making a false report.
OPIE: Idiot.
Brains before balls, assh*le.
Really?
You slammed the side of his head!
Wham!
Ok, now they see that, that's gonna point to homicide.
And cyanide won't?
His heart stopped.
It could be for a hundred reasons.
And even if they do an autopsy, it'll take days. We'll be long gone.
Well, if you didn't let the little bitch clock you, this never would have happened, right?
Hey, hey, hey! Enough.
You blocked the only camera.
There's no way witnesses or prints will arrive.
Get on the ground!
Sorry.
SHERIFF: Clubhouse and garage are all clean. No pharmaceuticals.
JAX: This ain't about Pozo.
This is search and seizure.
They're looking for scrips.
How the hell did they know?
(cell phone rings)
(phone beeps on)
CLAY: This is bullshit.
(horn honks)
CLAY: We were face-to-face a couple hours ago.
You can't throw me a hint this shit's gonna go down?
UNSER: I didn't know.
It happened fast.
CLAY: Yeah.
It sure did.
Cancer boy? d*ad to us.
TIG: Clay, Gem just called.
Oswald's on his way now.
CLAY: Call our friend.
We got a half an hour to pull this shit off.
LYLA: What were all the cops here for?
OPIE: Ah, they're just rattling our cages.
What's she doing with you?
(Lyla sighs)
LYLA: Gave her a lift on my way to pick up the kids.
I need the Caddy.
IMA: This is probably a bad time, but I was hoping to get that lift home.
JAX: You're right, it is a bad time.
(engine starts)
(engine starts)
CLAY: What's going on?
GUARD: A Mexican guy died.
Some kind of seizure.
CLAY: Huh... LOWEN: I spoke to the Sanwa D.A.
The bail hearing's been pushed ten days.
CLAY: You're kidding.
LOWEN: Mm-mmm.
CLAY: What happened?
LOWEN: Backlog of bad guys, I guess.
See you, then.
Good night, gentlemen.
JAX: Good night.
CLAY: Thank you.
JAX: I'll wait for our friend.
GEMMA: This is about my grandson, Elliot.
We know where he is.
Belfast.
I thought Jax said he was in Vancouver.
How do you know he's in Ireland?
CLAY: Club has a charter in Belfast.
(Oswald sighs)
GEMMA: We just need you to hear us out.
OSWALD: Look, I'm sorry about Abel. I really am.
But if I got a sh*t against Hale, I can't be associated with SAMCRO.
CLAY: Not gonna be any more blood in Charming.
Our beef with the Mexicans? Put away.
Pretty soon people are going to forget about the drive-by, and it's going to be business as usual.
GEMMA: We need your help.
CLAY: Your, uh... forestry equipment, how do you get it overseas?
OSWALD: I run cargo jets out of Stockton.
Why?
Oh.
You want passage to Belfast.
(sighs)
GEMMA: Just found out the bail hearing's been pushed.
Your bond won't be at risk.
CLAY: Gives us a little bit more than a week to find our grandson.
JAX: Our friend's here.
CLAY: Come on.
Elliot Oswald, Marcus Alvarez: Founding member, Mayan Motorcycle Club.
OSWALD: What's this about?
JAX: Proof that the v*olence is over.
ALVAREZ: We've come to an understanding.
Sons and Mayans, we're good.
No more bloodshed.
I promise.
Paying the toll.
I hope you find your boy, huh?
(Oswald sighs)
OSWALD: I got a cargo heading to Manchester, U.K. tomorrow.
Taking off out of Stockton Metro.
6 PM sharp. Not a minute later.
We can...We'll work out the details in the morning.
CLAY: Thank you.
OSWALD: You're welcome.
Good luck.
(door opens and closes)
TARA: What is it?
JAX: Sheriffs raided the clubhouse, looking for illegal scrips.
TARA: Oh, my God.
How did they know?
JAX: (laughs sharply)
You tell me.
TARA: What the hell does that mean?
JAX: You told me we could trust that doctor.
TARA: He wouldn't say anything.
JAX: Well, someone did.
(Tara sighs)
JAX: I get caught, I can do the years. But you?
Narc raps are real time.
Your medical career would be over.
Do you get that?
TARA: You asked me for help.
This isn't my fault. JAX: I know.
I know.
It's mine.
I'm done.
♪ Between the church and the river My love waits for me ♪
♪ To stand and deliver That I've ever made ♪
♪ I want to keep them now And I am not afraid ♪
♪ And I won't let you go ♪
♪ I won't let you go I won't let you go Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no ♪
♪ Oh, baby, no Baby, no, oh, no. ♪ | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "03x06 - The Push"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously, on Sons of Anarchy...
CLAY: Why are you doing Mayan bitch work, ese? I don't recognize your bullshit MC. We know you're patching over the Calaveras.
JAX: Cutting and bagging heroin, piping it to Stockton.
CLAY: We can guarantee safe passage.
JAX: Our brothers in Lodi are more capable.
CLAY: We're trying to make peace here.
ALVAREZ: Okay.
FIONA: Jimmy'd k*ll me if he knew I was here.
CHIBS: I love my daughter, and I love you, Fi. I just want to take care of my family.
JUICE: I just got an e-mail from the Belfast V.P.
JAX: Cameron's in Ireland.
JUICE: Then where's Abel?
JAX: Tell me you have my son.
JIMMY: Sorry, I don't, Jackson.
JAX: Every word you've spit about my kid has been wrong.
JIMMY: Well, maybe you'll believe a brother.
Jax, Liam O'Neill.
What are you doing with Jimmy?
Saw the way Provo scoop up Cammy outside the depot; had no baby with him.
That's for real.
MAUREEN: Gemma, it's Maureen Ashby.
Abel's in Belfast.
GEMMA: This is from Stahl, isn't it?
Do not get in bed with this bitch.
JAX: You need to trust me.
And this has to be our secret.
COPS: Get down! Get down!
(indistinct shouting)
JAX: Sheriffs raided the clubhouse, looking for illegal scrips.
TARA: This isn't my fault.
JAX: I know. It's mine.
I'm done.
GEMMA: How far along are you?
TARA (whispers): Six weeks.
No one knows.
IMA: Can you give me a lift?
IMA (groans): Oh, I have to pee.
(sighs)
OPIE: Tara.
He's not in there.
TARA: Where is he?
He didn't come home last night.
OPIE: Not sure.
(Tara continues down hall)
(faucet running)
(faucet turns off)
IMA: Morning.
You okay?
JAX: Get out.
Tara, I'm sorry.
Shouldn't we talk to her?
What you should do is get that p*rn bitch out of our clubhouse.
LYLA: This is not my fault.
No, but if you didn't eat p*ssy for a living, you might have a different set of friends.
MILES: Little more coffee?
PHIL: Dude.
MILES: What?
Caffeine's a mood booster.
(car door closes)
(engine starts)
IMA: That was awkward.
LYLA: What the hell is your problem?
Couldn't help yourself, could you?
UNSER: You doing okay?
GEMMA: I guess.
Considering.
UNSER: I just wanted to let you know that I'll be handling your transport to County this afternoon.
GEMMA: You request that?
UNSER: Feds, uh, asked us to cover.
GEMMA: What happened with that raid yesterday?
UNSER: I told Clay... sheriffs initiated.
We didn't find out until it was happening.
GEMMA: You're a bad liar, Wayne.
(Unser chuckles wryly)
You not working with us, I get that.
You got a lot of eyes on you right now.
But you letting us get hurt... that's bad.
That's how you lose friends.
I'd hate to see you lost.
OPIE: Busy morning for you.
JAX: Little bit.
OPIE: Ima.
It's kind of a big move.
Yup.
OPIE: You want to tell me what's going on?
JAX: Nope.
OPIE: Well... I hope you wrapped your shit.
That was a high-traffic zone you were rippin' through last night.
JAX: Hindsight.
If a dick move could've pushed Donna away, would you have done it?
OPIE: When I first went inside, I pushed Donna for a divorce.
Told her the marriage was a joke, she should just take the kids and split.
She knew what I was doing.
She hung in.
Think it's gonna take more than a little p*rn p*ssy to scare away Tara.
(Jax chuckles wryly)
JAX: And your p*rn p*ssy... it scarin' you away?
OPIE: I don't know.
JUICE: We're at the table.
JAX: All right.
Come on, let's go find my kid.
Figure out what we're doing with our dicks when we get back.
CLAY: Oswald's cargo plane unloads in Manchester.
He's got a guy who can get us all the way up to Stranraer.
From there, we ferry to Belfast.
Sam Bel's supposed to pick us up at the port.
I got a call in to McGee.
JAX: We still don't know if O'Neill can be trusted.
CLAY: Well, I'll press McGee for that truth, but either way we got no choice.
We need that charter.
TIG: Okay, boys, now, we're traveling with bond restrictions, right?
No rockers. Our reapers are out there on the bar.
BOBBY: And travel light.
If it don't fit on your back, don't bring it.
TIG: Right.
CHIBS: Boys...
JAX: You reach out to Fiona?
CHIBS: Yeah. Finally got through.
That bastard O'Phelan's had her and my Kerrianne under lockdown.
JAX: She have any idea why Jimmy lied about Abel?
CHIBS: Sorry, but she's not sure.
She only knows... that Jimmy plans to push against Kellan Ashby, something to do with Belfast SOA.
JUICE: Kellan Ashby?
The priest?
CHIBS: Yeah.
Father Kellan Ashby.
The real IRA consigliere.
PINEY: Kellan doesn't call any sh*ts, but no sh*ts get called without his two cents.
JAX: Well, whatever it is, Jimmy doesn't want us in Ireland.
He finds out we're there, we could be up against IRA heat.
Well, that's a risk that we're gonna have to take.
O'NEILL: Still waiting for details, but it looks like SAMCRO is planning a visit.
JIMMY: I'll put things in motion.
O'NEILL: You got to keep me in the loop, Jimmy.
Whatever goes down.
The crew can't know information came from us.
JIMMY: That's a risk I've got to take.
JAX: Hey.
You okay?
Yeah.
JAX: We talked to Oswald.
We're all set.
We leave this afternoon.
We're gonna find Abel, Mom.
I promise you.
GEMMA: I know.
I'm gonna miss so much of his life.
(crying): Oh, God, Jackson... I don't want to go to jail.
I'm sorry.
So sorry.
JAX: Mom, listen to me.
Listen to me.
I'm gonna protect you.
You're not going to jail.
Okay?
GEMMA (whispers): Yeah.
I don't know what you're doing with Stahl... but I do know what happens to you if the club finds out.
JAX: I got it covered.
You don't have to worry about me, Mom.
GEMMA: I always worry about you.
What's going on?
I just wanna be with my family.
I know, baby.
I know.
I'm sorry.
It's all these god#mn meds.
Look.
Jimmy didn't do anything.
Yeah, we need to let Maureen Ashby know we're coming.
I think she's our best sh*t at finding Abel.
You want me to reach out?
JAX: Yeah.
Maybe you can push her for more information.
You know, mom to mom.
GEMMA: Okay.
I got the number.
(Clay sighs)
Yeah.
CLAY: Your ride to County happens at 4:00.
We'll come back.
To say good-bye.
JAX: I love you, Mom.
(door opens and closes)
(sighs)
(phone rings)
JAX: Yo.
BOBBY: T.O. called.
The Bastards need help.
JAX: What happened?
TIG: We couldn't-couldn't tell.
He was crying too hard, man.
CLAY: Oh, shit.
JAX: Let's go.
Come on.
(dog barking)
CLAY: Where is he?
Kitchen.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
CLAY: Sorry, brother.
What happened?
T.O.: I found him like this.
b*ll*ts k*lled him.
Kn*fe was a message.
CHIBS: From who?
T.O.: It's buried in his skull.
JAX: Calaveras.
T.O.: Yeah.
Had to be Salazar.
OPIE: Anybody else see this?
T.O.: No.
Baby mama's got his kids.
HAPPY: 911?
T.O.: Didn't call, man.
The things we're gonna do to the Mexicans, best no one puts motive on us.
CLAY: Retaliation's tricky, T.
The deal we made with the Mayans?
It's barely a day old.
Alvarez still has a connection to the Calaveras.
BOBBY: And we have to vet all things Mexican before we do anything else.
T.O.: And if Alvarez says no?
Huh?
What then?
This is because we backed up Sam Crow.
JAX: Come on, man.
We got to bring Alvarez into the loop, or he's gonna think we crossed him.
TIG: Race and rally in the ** out today.
Mayans response and I'm guessing those w*tback skulls are gonna be there.
CLAY: Give Alvarez a call. Tell him we're coming down.
T.O.: Bastards are going.
CLAY: Take two guys, T.
All right?
We-We're going for intel, not for battle.
(T.O. scoffs)
WOMAN: Race!
(cheering)
(Spanish hip hop song plays)
TIG: I love a good fiesta.
JUICE: You do realize that pretty much every Latina you bone ends up d*ad, right?
TIG: Hey, this comes with a price.
BOBBY: And nobody's buying today, Tig.
ALVAREZ: I heard what happened.
We had no knowledge.
T.O.: Had to be Salazar.
ALVAREZ: Maybe.
T.O.: Maybe? Maybe?
Are you serious?
CLAY: I don't care how bad you're hurting.
You need to focus your rage.
T.O.: Sorry.
I knew Lander since I was four.
ALVAREZ: I get it, man.
I didn't patch these puppets over, but they still serve a purpose.
JAX: Then don't make this about the Calaveras.
Like you said, had to be Salazar.
OPIE: He's gone rogue.
CLAY: Strip him of his patch, man.
Put somebody else in charge.
(music continues)
(murmuring quietly)
ALVAREZ: Take a piss.
CLAY: Sure.
T.O.: Wait here.
Somebody cut a member of the Grim Bastards this morning.
Kn*fe into his skull.
Not too subtle.
(g*n hammer cocks)
Who did it?
SALAZAR: I don't know, man.
T.O.: Bullshit.
SAZAR: These assholes?
They k*lled Pozo.
ALVAREZ: Let me tell you how this works.
I k*ll you or you tell me which one of your lieutenants was responsible.
SALAZAR: What do you care if we offed some fat n*gg*r bitch, huh?
T.O.: Hey, go to hell, man! Go to hell!
CLAY: Now, if he don't care, I do.
Now, a body is gonna h*t the floor in the next minute.
It's either going to be you or one of your brown budd*es.
SALAZAR: Sorry, ese.
He k*lled the fat man.
ROSCO: Whoa, whoa.
(Edgar, Rosco speaking Spanish)
EDGAR: Some bitch ass shit!
(Edgar shouting in Spanish)
ROSCO: Hey, hey, hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I wasn't there, all right?
I swear to God!
ALVAREZ: Take off the cut, ese.
SALAZAR: What are you doing, man?
TIG: Take it off.
JAX: Take it off, bitch.
TIG: Take it off.
SALAZAR: Hey!
I'm gonna k*ll you for that.
You've just been appointed president.
I hope you do a better job keeping your guys in line.
Yeah.
I'll make sure of it.
You good?
Yeah.
If you ever set in another town for a week or so... you need anything, you can call Sam Crow.
We'll be fine.
CLAY: Thank you.
(engine revving)
It's all proper now, T.O.
LUISA: Hector!
Sorry, Papi.
(sighs)
(keypad beeping)
(phone ringing)
♪ ♪
MAUREEN: Hello? Ashby's.
GEMMA: Maureen?
MAUREEN: Aye.
GEMMA: It's Gemma Teller.
Can you talk?
MAUREEN: Hold on.
(phone beeps on)
MAUREEN: I'm here.
GEMMA: Clay asked me to call.
Let you know Sam Crow is on their way.
Be there tomorrow, late afternoon.
MAUREEN: Okay.
GEMMA: Do you know where my grandson is?
No.
But I know who does.
I'll do whatever I can to help you.
GEMMA: Okay.
My son?
He knows nothing about John and Belfast.
MAUREEN: Nor does my Triny.
GEMMA: Who's Triny?
MAUREEN: Trinity, my daughter.
GEMMA: What does she have to do with John?
MAUREEN: Jesus Christ.
You don't know, do you?
GEMMA: My God.
Oh, my...
(vomiting)
(knocking)
MAUREEN: Yup.
(knocking continues)
Coming.
Who is it?
FIONA: Mo, it's Fiona.
Need some help.
One of Jimmy's.
Scuffle with N.I. Police.
Cocktail blew up in his face.
Wouldn't let him go to the hospital.
MAUREEN: Oh, Jesus Christ, he's a baby.
Bring him upstairs.
BUDDY: I shouldn't be here.
MAUREEN: I'll get McGee.
FIONA: Jimmy'll know I'm gone by now.
He'll come looking for us.
He'll k*ll me for this, Mo.
MAUREEN: Aye.
Stash the car in the mill lot.
There are some American lads coming over.
They'll be here soon.
They will deal with Jimmy.
FIONA: You believe that?
MAUREEN: I have to.
Now go.
(door opens)
TARA: You okay?
Nausea?
Might be the meds.
GEMMA: It's not the meds.
TARA: Dr. Gallagher has cleared you to leave.
GEMMA: Great.
TARA: We'll make sure you continue to get your medication.
I'm sorry, Gemma.
I know how hard this is for you.
GEMMA: Well, at least I have a new grandson on the way.
What?
I don't think Jax's ready for another baby.
GEMMA: What the hell you talking about?
TARA: I walked in on him and that p*rn slut this morning.
He's been trying to push me away.
It worked. We're done.
GEMMA: He blames himself for everything that happened to Abel.
Can't handle the thought that something bad might happen to you, too.
He's lost, baby.
You have to be the constant.
Ride it out.
TARA: I'm not as strong as you.
GEMMA: He wouldn't be doing this if he knew you were pregnant.
TARA: He can't know.
What happens with this baby is my decision.
I'm serious, Gemma.
No one can know.
GEMMA: Secret babies are a bad idea.
TARA: Please.
GEMMA: You want my silence?
I need a favor.
McGEE: Burns we can deal with, but the eye... think it's gone.
FIONA (sighs): Jesus.
(Fiona sighs)
His older brother was tasked with watching us.
He let us go so we could help him.
Lad fought us all the way here, didn't want to disobey Jimmy.
(Buddy moaning)
RYAN: Paink*llers will keep him quiet for a bit.
I need to get some compresses back at the clubhouse.
McGEE: Go.
RYAN: Aye.
FIONA: Where's Triny?
MAUREEN: Oh, she's away with Cherry.
Delivering supplies to my ma.
Be back tomorrow.
How is she?
FIONA: Like that.
(door opens)
MAUREEN: Aye.
(motorcycle engines revving)
(door closes)
KELLAN: Hey, darling.
KERRIANNE: Father.
FIONA: Oh, Kell.
(Buddy gasping and moaning)
KELLAN: What in the name of Christ has happened?
McGEE: Sharing a grievance with the police service.
FIONA: Jimmy has 'em all convinced that folks are just fat Irish sheep, moving with the loyal herd.
They think every act of v*olence is their republic duty.
(Fiona sighs)
MAUREEN: Why don't you go and wash up, Fi?
Take a change of clothes.
(whispers): Take that, feel better.
FIONA: Aye.
MAUREEN: Go on.
I talked to Gemma Teller.
Charming lads are on their way.
They'll be here soon.
KELLAN: Good.
Clean the boy up.
Let him go back to Jimmy.
'Cause we can't stop him.
MAUREEN: What about Fi and Kerrianne?
KELLAN: They're coming with me.
I can keep them safe in the rectory.
MAUREEN: Jimmy will come looking for them.
KELLAN: I know.
JAX: You don't have to leave yet.
We're heading out tonight.
I just came by to pack a bag.
(sighs)
I'm sorry about this morning.
TARA: It's what you wanted.
JAX: I didn't want for you to get hurt.
TARA: Yes, you did.
You think I am responsible for what happened to Abel.
You hate me, and you just can't say it.
Your mother thinks this is about protecting me.
JAX: I am protecting you.
TARA: From what?
JAX: Donna... Abel, Sack. Take your pick.
TARA: You are so full of shit.
You and I both know that nothing's gonna happen to me.
This is just about you needing a reason to feel good about failing.
Well, guess what. The prince doesn't always get his wife.
(engine starting)
♪ ♪
LUISA: Must be his old lady.
SALAZAR: Yeah.
Now we know where to find her.
(door opening)
MARGARET: Do you have a moment?
GEMMA: Yeah.
MARGARET: I need your help with Dr. Knowles.
GEMMA: Say what you got to say.
MARGARET: You exert a strong influence over Tara.
She needs encouragement to make the right decisions about her future.
GEMMA: And what decisions are those?
MARGARET: Her relationship with the club.
GEMMA: With my son?
You have no idea who we are.
All you got is an impression, corrupted by the opinions of others.
MARGARET: I didn't come here to talk about you.
GEMMA: att*ck my son... you make it about me.
MARGARET: I'm not attacking anyone.
I just think someone needs to intervene.
GEMMA: Jax and Tara have loved each other since they were 16.
Problems they have are their own.
We don't get to interfere.
I suggest you go... before you end up with a matching eye.
(bird squeaks)
CLAY: Anything happens to this bird, Gemma will stuff you in this cage, make you wear a beak and shit on newspaper.
MILES: That sounds fair.
PINEY: Got to be on the road by 4:30.
CLAY: Stockton cargo.
This gets us in the employee gate.
Follow the signs to Oswald's hangar. Jet loads from there.
JAX: We're gonna take the truck, go say good-bye to Gemma.
TIG: I'm going with.
CLAY: Meet you at the plane.
Make sure these shitheads aren't late.
BOBBY: They won't be.
(bird squeaking)
OPIE: Hey. LYLA: Hey.
You guys ready to go?
OPIE: Yeah.
Look...I'm sorry about earlier.
I was pissed off. I didn't mean to take it out on you.
LYLA: I know.
I have... I have something I have to tell you.
OPIE: What's going on?
LYLA: Well, you know how much I love you.
How sad I'd be if anything ever happened to you.
OPIE: Baby, I'm gonna be okay.
We're gonna go find Abel. We'll be back in a week.
Bob's gonna help you out with the kids.
I love you.
LYLA: I love you, too.
(spasmpaic gasping)
(indistinct voices)
UNSER: Jesus, Gemma! What the hell happened?
MAN: Move it, move it.
TARA: Fever spiked to 107.
Maybe a reaction to the new meds.
We're putting her into an ice bed before she strokes out.
WOMAN: It's ready.
Let's go, guys.
UNSER: Keep me posted.
TARA: Let's get her in. One, two, three.
MAN: Easy. Easy.
TARA: Go get Dr. Gallagher.
NURSE: Uh, he's in surgery.
TARA: Then page his partner.
MAN: Get the gurney out.
TARA (gasps): Oh, shit.
Can you go tell Dr. Namid I'm gonna be late for the omphalocele assist?
I'll be okay.
A little privacy, please?
MAN: Sure. Sorry.
(door closes)
TARA: It's clear.
GEMMA (exhales loudly): Oh, oh, shit, that's cold!
(gasping breaths)
GEMMA: You calling Jax?
TARA: Nope, you are.
(buzzing)
(phone ringing)
JAX: Hey.
GEMMA: It's Mom.
You at the hospital?
JAX: Yeah. You okay?
GEMMA: Just listen.
Meet me outside the service entrance.
I'll be there in a few minutes.
JAX: What?
GEMMA: Just go. Now.
CLAY: What's the problem?
My mother.
Come on.
TARA: Okay, I, uh, packed enough meds for a few weeks, but if you're there longer, you're gonna have to find a way to fill the prescription.
GEMMA: Yeah, I will.
TARA: This elevator takes you down to the service level.
The key card will get you out the back door.
There's some cash in my pocket... it's not much... and... my car's in the service lot if you need it.
GEMMA: I'm not sure the Feds are gonna believe I did this at g*n.
TARA: You may as well have.
GEMMA: And I'll keep my promise.
No one'll know about that baby.
TARA: It's my decision, Gemma.
GEMMA: What I suggest... is you wait till Jax gets back.
Look into Abel's eyes before you do anything.
MAN (over P.A.): Security, code seven, therapy wing.
TARA: I better go.
MAN (over P.A.): Security, code seven, therapy wing.
(elevator bell dings)
GEMMA: I'll be back in a week.
TARA: Yeah.
(bell dings)
MARGARET: Where's Gemma Teller?
TARA: Uh, I-I don't know, she pulled a g*n on me, took my key card.
MARGARET: You expect me to believe that?
TARA: I don't really care.
(buzzing)
MARGARET: You're committing a crime.
Do you understand that?
(Tara sighs)
TARA: That Irishman... that k*lled the prospect... he kidnapped Jax's son.
It wasn't in the papers.
The cops, the FBI, they don't give a shit.
It's all on Jax and the club to find him, and Gemma wasn't going to jail till she knew that baby was safe.
You know, maybe there was nothing I could have done to stop him from taking Abel, I don't know, but helping Gemma was my way of making up for it.
And... I'll deny all of it.
And if the cops don't believe the lie, then I guess I'll suffer the consequences.
Thank you.
MARGARET: For what?
TARA: I know you're trying to help me.
Wait.
TARA: Oh!
What the hell are you doing?!
MARGARET: They'll never believe Gemma didn't slug you.
Let's go.
JAX: Mom, what the hell are you doing?
GEMMA: I'm coming with you.
JAX: You made a deal with the Feds!
GEMMA: I don't give a shit!
Those cuffs'll be waiting for me when I get back.
CLAY: Baby, listen to me.
TIG: Don't even bother trying, boys... Trust me, I've been there.
GEMMA: I'm going.
UNSER: I guess your fever broke.
Some folks looking for you.
GEMMA: Tell 'em I'll be back soon.
UNSER: Sorry, Gemma.
You come with me now, I'll tell
'em you turned yourself in, had a change of heart.
No one gets in trouble for aiding and abetting.
CLAY: And if she says no?
UNSER: Sorry.
There ain't no options here.
(hammer cocks)
UNSER: Not...
JAX: Oh, my God.
UNSER: ... the way I want to do this.
GEMMA: You gonna sh**t me, Wayne?
Traitor.
Take the Cutlass.
(engine starts)
(dials)
(sirens waing in distance)
TIG: Come on, come on, Unser must've called this in.
We are not gonna make it out of Charming.
They're looking for the truck.
You guys take the Cutlass, and go to the plane.
JAX: No. We need you with us, bro.
TIG: You need your mom more.
Now, just backtrack through town... I'll lead 'em up the 18.
Go.
JAX: Shit. Come on.
TIG: Clay, you be safe.
Jax, get your boy!
TARA: I tried to go after her, but she must've used the key card to get out.
MARGARET: I saw Dr. Knowles trying to pursue her.
Figured it was more important to tend to her wound than do your job.
(siren wailing)
TIG: Stay with me, little piggies.
Come on, stay with me, P-I-G-G-I-E-S.
OSWALD: Cutting it close.
JAX: Sorry.
We had to give someone a ride.
Not my idea.
BOBBY: Where's Tig?
CLAY: Halfway to Modesto.
(phone ringing)
BOBBY: Hey. Why am I not surprised?
CLAY: McGee.
It's about time.
You get my message?
McGEE: Aye. Yeah, sorry, brother.
It's just been a busy day around here.
But I've made all the arrangements for you and your boys...
Got you loaners and, uh, put you up at the flophouse just off the alley.
It ain't California pretty, but it's got a bed and a shitter.
CLAY: Good enough.
We're about to board.
McGEE: Right.
Well, give us a call when you arrive in Stranraer.
We'll meet you at the boat.
CLAY: Appreciate that.
Listen, I need to ask you a delicate question.
McGEE (chuckles): Well, I'm a very delicate man.
CLAY: O'Neill.
We got concerns that maybe he's backing up some of Jimmy's lies.
You think maybe he's *** in his... commitment to the MC.
McGEE: Liam's been a brother for nearly ten years.
I trust him. There's no worries.
He's not in bed with Jimmy.
CLAY: Good.
'Cause whatever Jimmy's agenda is, he can't know we're coming.
That intel puts us in danger.
McGEE: Aye, well, you got my word.
Aye.
CLAY: Belfast is set.
JIMMY: Anything on Fiona?
McGEE: She and the girl are with the priest.
JIMMY: Course they are.
O'NEILL: Did you get ahold of Clay?
McGEE: Aye.
SAMCRO is on their way.
Be in tomorrow afternoon.
JIMMY: Good.
We're ready for 'em.
They won't be here long.
CLAY: Keep us whole, brother.
PINEY: Will do. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "03x07 - Widening Gyre"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy:
Mother Christ. Cammy, what are you doing here?
♪♪♪
MAUREEN: Before anybody sees you. Get that child out of the damp.
KELLAN: I've come for the boy, Mo.
MAUREEN: Why? Where you taking him?
KELLAN: Good Catholic family.
MAUREEN: He's already got a family.
KELLAN: You can't make this about your love for John. This is best for now.
MAUREEN: It's Maureen Ashby. Cammy Hayes took your grandson.
GEMMA: What? MAUREEN: Abel's in Belfast.
GEMMA: My son... he knows nothing about John and Belfast.
MAUREEN: Nor does my Triny. GEMMA: Who's Triny?
MAUREEN: Trinity, my daughter.
GEMMA: What does she have to do with John?
MAUREEN: You don't know, do you?
KOZIK: I was hoping to jump to a smaller charter.
BOBBY: You're thinking about coming back to Charming?
KOZIK: Yeah. BOBBY: That in's on Tig, brother.
CLAY: Kozik... yea.
TIG: Nay.
CLAY: Jesus Christ, really?
TIG: I don't trust him, man.
TARA: Walked in on him and that p*rn slut this morning.
It worked. We're done.
GEMMA: He wouldn't be doing this if he knew you were pregnant.
TARA: What happens with this baby is my decision.
I'm serious, Gemma. No one can know.
JAX: Tell me you have my son.
JIMMY: I'm sorry. I don't, Jackson.
JAX: Every word you've spit about my kid has been wrong.
JIMMY: Well, maybe you'll believe a brother.
LIAM: Jax, Liam O'Neill.
Saw the Real-provost scoop up Cammy outside the depot.
Had no baby with him. That's for real.
CLAY: If O'Neill lied to you, means Belfast could be in bed with Jimmy.
Forestry equipment.
How do you get it overseas?
OSWALD: I run cargo jets out of Stockton. Why?
You want passage to Belfast?
GEMMA: You calling Jax? TARA: No. You are.
JAX: Mom, what the hell are you doing? GEMMA: I'm coming with you.
JAX: You made a deal with the Feds! GEMMA: I don't give a shit.
Those cuffs will be waiting for me when I get back.
TIG: They're looking for the truck.
You guys take the Cutlass and go to the plane.
JAX: No. We need you with us, bro.
TIG: You need your mum more.
(sirens wailing)
McGEE: SAMCRO's on their way. JIMMY: Good.
We'll be ready for them.
They won't be here long.
McGEE: Too long, brother. CLAY: Good to see you, Keith.
McGEE: Travel well? CLAY: Ah, we're all in one piece.
McGEE: All right. Great, great.
CHIBS: Good to see you!
Look at you. You little bastard. Come here!
It's grand to see you, son.
PADRAIC: Welcome. I'm really glad you're here, mate.
CHIBS: The last time I seen this wee shit... PADRAIC: Oh, Jesus.
CHIBS: he was in nappies.
PADRAIC: I was 15 at the time.
(laughter)
CHIBS: How's my girls?
PADRAIC: Priest stashed Fi and Kerrianne at St. Matt's Rectory.
They're safe.
O'NEILL: Meet's being arranged.
CHIBS: You're good boys. You're good boys. Thank you.
Thank you.
McGEE: Hey, this thing with O'Neill... we okay?
CLAY: Yeah.
McGEE: All right.
Let's get you fellas home, huh?
(engines starting)
(lock clicking)
(door creaking open)
TIG: Where's my lawyer?
UNSER: I don't know.
Maybe she's in Belfast.
That's very funny.
Not as funny as... speeding, reckless endangerment, obstruction of justice...
TIG: Hey, hey, you know, speeding, maybe, but everything else is just hearsay.
UNSER: Bail's been posted.
TIG: Who?
Ah, Doc, thanks.
Sure.
Can we go?
UNSER: Get his stuff.
EGLEE: This way.
UNSER: Hey, I... handed over our information to the FBI.
They're going to be talking to hospital personnel today about Gemma's escape.
TARA: I know.
UNSER: But if there's something maybe you forgot to tell us yesterday, it's understandable.
You could catch me up now, and I'll make sure the Feds know it was our oversight.
TARA: I didn't forget anything.
TIG: You're a doll. Thanks.
UNSER: Uh, somebody else is going to have to pick up that tow truck from the impound.
Your license has been suspended.
TIG: What? Why?
UNSER: You took three arms of law enforcement on a
100-mile-an-hour goose chase.
It'll be two years before you're behind a wheel.
TIG: Are you serious?
How the hell am I supposed to work? How am I going to ride?
Come on, man. You'll be d*ad before I get that license back.
UNSER: Get him out of here. TARA: Come on.
We'll call the garage, have somebody pick you up at impound.
TIG: Bullshit.
GEMMA: What the hell is that?
LUTHER: Police Services, Northern Ireland.
As long as they got I.D., they should be ok.
Oh yeah, they ain't gonna bother running through Interpol.
JAX: What do we do here?
McGEE: Random stop.
Just keep it light. Smile and show them your passport.
LIEUTENANT: Identification.
McGEE: Hey, we're just showing our American brothers the beautiful Irish countryside, Officer.
LIEUTENANT: Identification.
You.
You.
You.
You.
You.
Come on.
GEMMA: This is bad.
JAX: g*dd*mn it.
LIEUTENANT: Down!
Down on the ground! Now!
McGEE: What's the worry here, lads?
LIEUTENANT: Yank brothers fled jurisdiction from California.
We'll be detaining them.
You here, on the ground now! Get down!
Down!
Down!
Down!
Down!
LUTHER: Don't make sense.
They wouldn't be able to get the intel... not that quick.
LIEUTENANT: On your knees.
CHIBS: Dirty Loyalist bastard.
(spits)
(man shouting)
(grunting and groaning)
GEMMA: Oh, shit.
(rapid g*n)
Damnit.
LIEUTENANT: Get them in the van now! Move!
Move!
Move them out! Move it!
Get in there!
In the van now!
Alright, alright.
Move!
GEMMA: Where are they going to take them?
LUTHER: Jesus, after that ruckus, these assholes will probably just sh**t them and dump them.
Blame it on the life.
OFFICER: Move it out.
GEMMA: Step on the gas.
LUTHER: What?
Just step on the gas!
You heard the lady, Luther.
I ain't going to broadside no police.
Run 'em off the road!
LUTHER: Jesus! Mother of God!
You out of your bloody mind, woman?
Holy shite!
(tires screeching)
Take 'em out! Stay!
Geez, it's not worth it! Let's go!
(engine starts)
GEMMA: Come on... Out with him.
Stay down, don't move.
GEMMA: Come on, get 'em out.
PADRAIC: All right, boys.
That was close.
GEMMA: Everybody okay? CLAY: Yeah, good. Lovely.
Here you go, mate.
Yeah.
Get these cuffs off.
Oh, man.
JAX: Shit.
What the hell was that?
PADRAIC: Welcome to Ireland.
♪ Riding through this world All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life In the eye. ♪
CLAY: Where'd you get the intel on us?
LIEUTENANT: I'm a police officer.
JAX: Yeah, then how come your buddies took off?
What happened to backup?
OPIE: Well, they got scared
'cause shit went south.
JAX: Who paid you off?
CHIBS: Now, Jackie Boy, this is mine.
(grunting)
OPIE: All right, all right, all right, all right.
CLAY: Now... you ever want to chew with those teeth again, you're going to open up.
Aren't you?
JAX: Hap. HAPPY: Yeah.
JAX: k*ll one of his men.
HAPPY: Oh, yes, I will.
LIEUTENANT: Wait, wait. OFFICER: No!
LIEUTENANT: We were paid... OFFICER: No.
LIEUTENANT: We were paid to detain you, send you back to the States.
By Jimmy O'Phelan?
I don't know who.
JAX: Hap.
LIEUTENANT: I swear on my mother's eyes we didn't get a name, only money and the task.
CHIBS: It's that bastard O'Phelan.
JAX: Yeah.
I guess he knows we're here.
BOBBY: Well, we got to do something about all this 'cause I don't think we're going to get them through duty-free.
CLAY: Pull their I.D.'s.
(grunting)
Come on, get out.
Stay down.
Now we know your name.
Charles.
And now my boys know where you live.
JAX: I'd hate for anything to happen to that pretty family
'cause their da was on the take.
CLAY: We can ruin your career and we can definitely ruin your life.
Understand?
LIEUTENANT: Aye.
CLAY: Let's go.
KOZIK: Picking you up wasn't my idea. Talk to Piney.
Shit.
Two years. No riding, no vote.
Don't worry, I'll let you ride bitch with me.
TIG: That's gonna be tough, you being up in Tacoma.
I ain't ever, ever letting you patch Sam Crow.
KOZIK: It's been eight years, douche bag.
TIG: Yeah, and not a day goes by I don't think about her.
Not one.
JACOB: You were supposed to transport Gemma to County.
UNSER: Thinking I helped her, you're wrong.
JACOB: Well, someone's been helping 'em.
They got tipped off about the raid.
Their bail hearing was pushed.
I thought we were on the same page here.
UNSER: We are.
I'm not helping Sam Crow.
JACOB: Got to be more than that. You gotta be willing to hurt 'em, Wayne.
You're a police chief, they're felons.
UNSER: I'm very aware of our current standings.
SALAZAR: Cabrón! UNSER: What the hell is that?
SALAZAR: I ain't the one you should be dragging to jail.
Sons k*lled Pozo, huh?!
Why ain't you doing nothing about that, huh?
EGLEE: Hector Salazar, Calaveras MC.
SALAZAR: Why ain't you doing nothing about the Sons?!
Come on, I just want to see my boy!
I want to bury my boy.
EGLEE: Roughed up an admin at St. Thomas.
Pissed off they wouldn't release his d*ad buddy Pozo Fuentes...
The guy who sh*t the kid.
D.A. needs to confirm cause of death.
UNSER: Anybody hurt?
EGLEE: No.
JACOB: Sounds like Hector's got a strong opinion about how his friend died.
UNSER: Good for Hector.
He's a county problem.
(motorcycle engines rumbling)
Well, welcome.
CLAY: Maureen.
MAUREEN: Jax. JAX: Hey.
MAUREEN: Welcome. JAX: Thank you.
MAUREEN: Gemma.
Oh, this is Trinity... my daughter.
GEMMA: Gemma.
CLAY: Clay.
Nice to meet you.
JAX: Hi, I'm Jax.
Think we spoke on the phone.
MAUREEN: You go and watch the register now.
TRINITY: Glad you're here.
We'll see you later.
MAUREEN: Didn't expect you to make the journey.
GEMMA: Neither did the Feds.
Where's my grandson?
MAUREEN: Come on upstairs, we'll have a cup of tea.
GEMMA: I don't want any g*dd*mn tea.
MAUREEN: This is my home, Gemma.
Wee bit of respect would go a long way.
GEMMA: You got coffee?
MAUREEN: Aye.
Cammy brought the baby to me.
He knew he was in deep shit with the club and the Army.
Set a meeting with my brother.
CLAY: Wanted a pass from the priest.
MAUREEN: Aye.
He didn't get one.
After that, Kellan took Abel to keep him safe.
JAX: Then let's go talk to Kellan.
MAUREEN: No, he knows where you are.
He'll find you.
GEMMA: So we just wait?
MAUREEN: Aye.
Your questions will be answered soon enough.
Look, I'm... sorry this has happened to you.
I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling.
LIAM: Nothing we could do.
Pissers folded like girls. Didn't give anything up.
Charming don't trust me, Jimmy. I can smell it on 'em.
And McGee? Shite, I don't know if he's got the heart for this.
JIMMY: I don't need heart!
I need gut and brains!
*** from psych evals gave me some meds and spit me out.
I don't mind jail, I just like it here better.
TARA: Yeah, me, too.
Where's my five-eighth socket?
I got it.
Hey, those aren't your g*dd*mn tools.
KOZIK: Blow me. TIG: What?
KOZIK: I said blow me.
TIG: I need that socket.
KOZIK: I don't have your g*dd*mn socket.
TARA: What is up with those two?
CHUCKY: Not sure, but judging by their level of malevolence, it's got to be at least one vagina involved.
TARA: Thanks for the insight.
I'll go check the clubhouse for the receivables.
TIG: Piece of shit.
LYLA: Hey.
TARA: Hi.
LYLA: I just want to say I'm sorry about what happened yesterday with Ima.
TARA: It's not your fault.
I, um, saw you h*t her.
Thank you for that.
LYLA: My pleasure.
Um, can I ask a favor?
TARA: Okay.
LYLA: I need a good clinic for an abortion.
Some place you can get in quick, pay cash.
TARA: How far along are you?
LYLA: Not far. About eight weeks.
TARA: I can't think of any offhand.
What about Kettleman?
LYLA: They only take HMOs.
I don't want this on the books.
Word gets out, could hurt potential gigs.
TARA: I'll ask around.
LYLA: Cool. Thanks.
TARA: Does, um, Opie know?
LYLA: No.
Timing's just not right.
I've been here before, Doc.
DARBY: The tip about the scripts was good.
I know what I saw.
JACOB: I believe you.
DARBY: What's this?
JACOB: I know your refinishing business is struggling.
Consider it a small business loan.
DARBY: I get a feeling this conversation's about to take a hard right turn.
JACOB: You grew up in Charming, Ernie.
Your home and your shop are both here, but until recently, your primary business had to be conducted beyond our borders.
DARBY: Not anymore!
JACOB: I know that.
And I can help you show this town you've turned over a new leaf.
DARBY: So just how dirty do I have get to be as clean as you, Mr. Hale?
JACOB: You help my business, I help yours.
200 block, Liberty Street.
Four shops.
A commercial interest I'm associated with currently owns three of the properties.
DARBY: What, you need all four to build hotels?
JACOB: Something like that.
DARBY: 200 block, that's pawn shop, Lumpy's Gym...
It's that stubborn old Jew, isn't it? You need him out.
JACOB: It's an extremely time-sensitive issue.
It needs to be handled right away.
That's for expenses.
DARBY: And if I say no?
JACOB: Just leave the envelope.
BOBBY: Had to be Jimmy, bought off the cops.
McGEE: Why would Jimmy want to deport you?
CLAY: I don't know, but he's been lying to us the whole time.
JAX: You guys been having any problems with the Army?
LIAM: Nope. Still running protection for w*apon in and out of Dungloe.
It's our main gig.
Got one tomorrow.
We got to find Jimmy.
RYAN: Should talk to the priest.
McGEE: Kellan won't download his Army intel on outsiders.
Call like that will get you an asskicking from the Caseys.
(vehicles approach)
We got visitors.
CHIBS: God, it's my girls.
Hi.
Hi, how're you doing?
KERRIANNE: Hi.
CHIBS: Jesus, look at ya.
(Fiona sobbing)
I have no idea why Jimmy lied.
I'm not privy to his plans.
He doesn't trust me anymore.
CHIBS: Do you at least know what he's been up to since he got back?
FIONA: Recruiting.
He's at his bar in Newry pretty much day and night.
JAX: What about O'Neill?
He on Jimmy's permanent payroll?
FIONA: Not that I know of.
But like I said, last few months, been in the dark.
Sorry I have nothing that helps.
GEMMA: It's okay.
Thank you.
(door opens)
SEAN: Start wrapping it up, Fi.
Need to get back.
FIONA: Kellan wants us to stay at the rectory. It's like a bloody fortress.
KERRIANNE: Jimmy really gonna try to hurt us, Ma?
CHIBS: Hey, no one's ever gonna hurt my baby. I'll make sure of that.
GEMMA: Can't they stay for a while?
They just got here.
CLAY: Church is nearby, right? We can get 'em back safe.
SEAN: Your lads armed? Tonight then. Aye.
CHIBS: Thanks.
LUMPY: Snap him! Throw, one-two! Now that's it! Hold it, hold it, hold it. What do you want, Darby?
DARBY: God, I haven't been in this place in years. It hasn't changed a bit.
LUMPY: And you thought now is a good time for a visit?
DARBY: Listen, some friends of mine wanted me to encourage you to consider their generous offer to buy this place.
LUMPY: It must be hard to make friends with this kind of hate on your chest.
DARBY: Yeah, I guess it must push a few buttons for you, huh? Um, I don't have any more buttons. You got something you gotta do, you come back after I close and do it.
DARBY: Don't be an idiot, Feldstein. If it isn't me, it's gonna be somebody else.
Take the money, move to the desert, retire with the rest of the old Jews.
LUMPY: I appreciate your concern for my future, but I retire when I die.
(bell dings)
(pop music playing)
(groans)
GEMMA: This jet lag's kicking my ass.
MAUREEN: Brought you some coffee.
(Gemma groans)
Right.
GEMMA: We should talk.
MAUREEN: Aye.
GEMMA: I was holding on to this pathetic hope all the way here.
Maybe you were wrong about Trinity.
But one look...
MAUREEN: She's got his eyes and his smile.
GEMMA: Did he know?
MAUREEN: Yes.
GEMMA: Jesus Christ.
MAUREEN: I was 18!
I didn't know what I was doing. Neither did he.
Look, I've no delusions about you and I being friends.
I just think a lot of hate right now is no good to anybody.
The shit between us, it needs to stay buried.
GEMMA: Seems no matter how deep I bury that shit... someone always digs it up.
MAUREEN: The truth about John will only distract Jax.
That's not a good idea.
Not now.
GEMMA: Thanks for the coffee.
(knocking on door)
TRINITY: Hi.
My ma doesn't trust this place to lay out clean sheets.
JAX: Good to know. Thanks.
TRINITY: Gonna be a rough one, isn't it?
JAX: I don't know.
TRINITY: I'm sorry about your son.
Wasn't here when my uncle showed up.
Ma didn't want to tell me.
JAX: Can you blame her?
How old are you?
TRINITY: 22.
JAX: You look younger.
TRINITY: That a problem?
JUICE: Chibs is gonna take Fi and Kerrianne back to St. Matt's.
JAX: Fine. Tell 'em to wait for me. I'm going with them.
TRINITY: I better come with you.
Don't want you lads getting lost in the big city.
(phone rings)
CHUCKY: TM.
Tig!
What?!
CHUCKY: Lumpy Feldstein on three.
TIG: Lump.
JACOB: What happened?
DARBY: Nothing.
Find another bitch.
LUMPY: Whoever wants me out, they turn up the heat.
They sent Darby to rough me up.
TIG: But he didn't, right? LUMPY: No, not yet.
But like he said, if it's not him, it'd be someone else.
TIG: Lump, don't you worry about a thing. We'll keep you safe.
LUMPY: Ah, I'm not looking for a babysitter.
I just want someone to know what's going on in case something happens here.
KOZIK: Nothing's gonna happen, all right? We're on it.
LUMPY: Okay.
All right, thanks, boys.
All right, all right.
Come on.
KOZIK: Hey...
That right cross is looking a little weak.
I can help you get it back.
TIG: Oh, you mean the right cross that did that to your eye.
KOZIK: No, this sh*t was from a lucky knee, dude.
TIG: Yeah, okay.
KOZIK: Yeah, I don't blame you.
I'd be afraid to get in the ring with me, too.
TIG: I am so gonna b*at your dumb blond ass.
Take off your rings.
JAX: How long you gonna stay with the priest?
FIONA: Not sure.
CHIBS: Listen, there's plenty of room on Oswald's plane, so you're coming back with us.
KERIANNE: I don't want to leave Ireland.
CHIBS: Sweetheart, it's not for long. It's just till all this blows over.
KERIANNE: And when's that?
(tires screech)
What's he doing?
(horn honks twice)
OPIE: Get down! Get down!
Go, go, go!
(tires squeal)
(door opens, shuts)
JAX: Girls okay?
CHIBS: Yeah, Casey picked 'em up at the back of the rectory.
CLAY: Any idea who the sh**t was?
OPIE: Had to have been Jimmy.
McGEE: No, it wasn't. It was the UVF.
The Ulster Volunteers are radical Loyalists.
They know that Fiona's with Jimmy, so they've probably been stalking her since she showed up here.
LIAM: Them and the P&P's bloody overwhelmed.
All the recruiting Jimmy's been doing down south.
So they're gonna down women and children?
They wanted to k*ll you, you'd be d*ad.
Trust me on that, brother.
McGEE: He's right.
The UVF was using Fiona to send a message to Jimmy to cease and desist.
CLAY: Jesus Christ.
CHIBS: We ain't in Charming anymore, boys.
TARA: Do you have a minute?
MARGARET: I gave the FBI my statement. Don't worry. I didn't change my mind.
TARA: Oh, thank you.
This is about something else.
A friend of mine needs a procedure, probably an MVA, but it has to be discreet.
She doesn't want to report it to her HMO.
It's a job thing.
MARGARET: There's a family center in Merced County that will do abortions anonymously.
TARA: Can she get an appointment quickly?
MARGARET: I'll make a call.
TARA: Thank you.
MARGARET: I guess your friend is gonna need some down time afterwards?
I'll make sure it's covered.
TARA: Wait. You think this is about me?
MARGARET: It's none of my business, but if it was, I'd tell you that you were doing the right thing.
TARA: Why, because you think the father's a criminal?
MARGARET: Because I think the mother's uncertain about her future...
And she knows that it would be an unstable environment for a baby.
(door closes)
(footsteps departing)
(Spanish rap blaring)
(music stops)
SALAZAR: You want to tell me why you gave my girl the money to bail me out?
JACOB: We got a lot in common, Hector.
We both lost someone 'cause of the Sons of Anarchy.
We both want that debt settled.
SALAZAR: What do you want from me?
JACOB: I want to give you two grand now, two later, for a few hours of your time.
(rock music blaring)
LIAM: Yeah! Who's next, huh?
(laughs)
JAX: Me!
LIAM: Prince Charming.
JAX: Aye.
LIAM: Let's go.
BOBBY: You're gonna knock him out.
You worried about that?
You want him messing up that pretty face?
TRINITY: Wrap you up?
JAX: Thank you.
TRINITY: Least I can do.
JAX: That's true.
I almost took a b*llet for you today.
TRINITY: Aye, you're my hero.
GEMMA: Hey, you want take me to your luxury suite?
CLAY: You want to watch your boy defend your club's honor?
GEMMA: Nah.
I want to watch my man's big dick.
CLAY: What about your ticker?
GEMMA: Oh, I'm medicated.
(Clay groans)
Make him bleed.
Where's your mom?
TRINITY: She ain't much for parties.
(crowd clamoring)
(crowd clamoring)
LIAM: Let's go, man.
JAX: Come on. You ready?
♪♪♪
Come on.
JUICE: h*t him! h*t him!
Come on!
(Tig inhales, exhales)
I'll take that.
MILES: You gonna be all right to drive?
Or not drive?
TIG: Shut up. Come here.
Okay, Shepard, you got the first watch with Lumpy.
SHEPARD: How long? TIG: All night.
He sleeps back there in that room.
SHEPARD: Right. Uh... KOZIK: Hey, you got a g*n?
SHEPARD: No. Should I?
TIG: You sh**t it, you own it.
Think I'm gonna have to sh**t it?
MILES: I could stay, too.
KOZIK: Did we tell you to stay?
MILES: I'm not staying.
You'll be fine, dude.
SHEPARD: Yeah, no shit. Get out of here.
Here Jax.
JAX: Thank you.
(all laughing)
(men shouting happily)
JAX: I'm gonna h*t the shower.
OPIE: Mom and Dad are rockin' the casbah.
They got the facilities tied up.
TRINITY: You can use our bath... at least the water will be almost-warm.
JAX: All right; sounds good.
OPIE: Sounds good, doesn't it?
CHIBS: Don't forget to scrub his back, darlin'!
JAX: Your uncle?
TRINITY: Aye.
JAX: Jax Teller.
Jackson.
KELLAN: Father Kellan.
Well... better clean yourself up.
Sean here'll see your make it to St. Matt's in one piece this time.
We can talk there.
JAX: Okay.
I'll see you later.
KELLAN: You need to put your ma to bed.
TRINITY: Love you, Ma.
(glass shattering)
LUMPY: What the hell?
Son of a bitch!
What are you doing?!
SALAZAR: You tell the Sons... nobody messes with the Mayans.
(door opens, shuts)
(Shepard panting)
SHEPARD: Oh, shit!
(Shepard panting)
LYLA: Thanks again for this.
I don't really have any people except Ope.
TARA: It's okay. I don't mind.
LYLA: You must think I'm a freak, right?
p*rn star, baby k*ller...
TARA: I don't think that.
You sure you want to go through with it?
LYLA: Yeah.
I love Ope.
Be nice to have kids with him someday.
But not now.
Donna's ghost looms pretty large in that house.
Ope tries to let me in, but... the fear of something awful always keeps me on the outside.
I don't really know the guy.
ADMINISTRATOR: Sarah Palin?
LYLA: I guess that's me.
TARA: Yeah.
Thank you.
ADMINISTRATOR: Denise will take you back.
Thank you.
(door closes)
TARA: Excuse me.
ADMINISTRATOR: Mm-hmm?
TARA: I'd like to schedule an appointment.
ADMINISTRATOR: A follow-up for your friend?
TARA: No, for me, actually.
I'm about seven weeks along.
ADMINISTRATOR: Oh, sure, hon.
Let's get you set up here.
TARA: Thank you.
JUICE: Let's go. Bet to the pass.
CHIBS: I'm in... CLAY: Hang on, hang on.
$2,000 is the bet.
(men groaning)
JUICE: Ten of D!
GEMMA: Hi.
BOBBY: Want some tea?
GEMMA: Sure. Why not?
CLAY: Another two. JUICE: Aw, Jesus...
GEMMA: Drive by.
Nearly deported.
This is just day one.
(Bobby laughs wryly)
BOBBY: Just another vacation.
(Gemma laughs wryly)
BOBBY: How you doin'?
GEMMA: Okay.
BOBBY: You know, we're gonna find the kid.
GEMMA: I know.
(men groaning, laughing)
JUICE: I might've rigged the games.
♪♪♪
CLAY: Come to papa. Come to papa.
(all talking at once)
CLAY: Can I keep these? Can I keep these?
JUICE: Yeah, it's all yours.
CLAY: Very nice.
(Gemma laughs gently)
BOBBY: It's good to see him smile.
He's a whole different guy when you're not around.
GEMMA: You know, you're gonna have to take care of him, Bobby, when I'm gone.
He trusts you more than anyone.
BOBBY: Hey... there is no reason to go to the scary place, Gemma.
We're all right here.
Okay?
GEMMA: Yeah... okay.
BOBBY: Come here.
How about that tea?
O'Neill.
Aye.
Hello?
JIMMY: Think we need to put today's little setback behind us.
Talk about tomorrow's Dungloe run.
McGEE: Right.
JIMMY: Donny here will work out the details with O'Neill.
You good with that, brother?
McGEE: Aye.
McGEE: O'Neill.
I hope you're sober enough to remember this.
You'd better write this down, yeah?
JAX: Maureen said you have my son.
KELLAN: Well, I know where he is, yes.
JAX: Where?
KELLAN: He's... He's safe.
Far from Belfast.
JAX: What the hell does that mean?
Do you have Abel or not?
KELLAN: Your son was in danger; that thr*at is still present.
Jimmy.
Aye.
Why?
He has no reason to hurt my kid.
KELLAN: Oh, he has many.
What I'm about to tell you, Jackson, is a very volatile subject.
The words I say, only God can be a witness.
You understand?
Jimmy O'Phelan wants to end the Army's relationship with the Sons of Anarchy; wants to cut off the Belfast Charter... from any future work.
Stop dealing g*n in Charming.
JAX: Running protection is Sambel's main gig.
It's why my dad helped set up the charter.
KELLAN: Well, Jimmy wants to keep that income in his pocket.
Wants to start selling your g*n to the Russians up in Oregon.
For greater profit.
Everything Jimmy does... is for profit.
JAX: What does that have to do with my kid?
KELLAN: The Army council have come to a very difficult decision.
Jimmy's greed and arrogance has become a hindrance both internally and politically.
You experienced a vivid example of that hatred tonight.
JAX: You're gonna get rid of him.
KELLAN: Well...
Jimmy is enmeshed in so many things that define us if word got out that we had k*lled one of our own leaders, there will be chaos.
The Loyalists would have a field day.
JAX: But if someone from the outside k*lled him...
KELLAN: Vengeance of a distraught father.
Something every Irishman would understand.
JAX: And Jimmy knew that if we came here, you and me would be having this conversation.
KELLAN: He knows a line's been drawn.
That's why he lied to you about the baby; why he tried to get you deported; and now you're here, why he wants that little one as leverage.
He is a grave thr*at to both our families.
You k*ll Jimmy O'Phelan and I promise I will make sure Abel goes home in the arms of his loving family. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "03x08 - Lochan Mor"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously, on Sons of Anarchy...
LIAM: Charming don't trust me, Jimmy. I can smell it on 'em. And McGee? I don't know if he's got the heart for this.
JIMMY: I don't need heart! I need gut and brains!
CHIBS: There's my girls.
SALAZAR: You want to tell me why you gave my girl the money to bail me out?
JACOB: We got a lot in common, Hector. We both lost someone 'cause of the Sons of Anarchy. We both want that debt settled.
SALAZAR: What do you want from me?
JACOB: I want to give you two grand now, two later, for a few hours of your time.
LUMPY: Son of a bitch! What are you doing?!
SALAZAR: You tell the Sons... nobody messes with the Mayans.
JAX: I'll hand-deliver Jimmy O'Phelan.
STAHL: And what do you want?
JAX: My son, my mother and my club.
STAHL: And what makes you think that I would actually believe that the prince would turn rat?
JAX: My club finds out, I am d*ad.
MAUREEN: It's Maureen Ashby. Cammy Hayes took your grandson.
What?
MAUREEN: Abel's in Belfast.
GEMMA: My son... he knows nothing about John and Belfast.
MAUREEN: Nor does my Triny. GEMMA: Who's Triny?
MAUREEN: Trinity, my daughter.
GEMMA: What does she have to do with John?
MAUREEN: You don't know, do you?
JAX: Maureen said you have my son.
KELLAN: Your son was in danger.
Jimmy is a grave thr*at... to both our families.
You k*ll Jimmy O'Phelan, and I promise I will make sure Abel goes home in the arms of his loving family.
MICHAEL: Come on, Jax, I'll take you back. JAX: I'll walk.
I need some time alone.
MICHAEL: Aye. Slam the door on your way out.
(phone ringing)
A government bill to crack down on laboratory experiments on animals is STAHL: Hello?
JAX: You ever hear of Kellan Ashby?
STAHL: Are you in Belfast?
JAX: Yeah.
STAHL: Then I'm guessing that's where Gemma is.
JAX: I had no idea that was going down.
STAHL: Escaping custody is another federal charge.
JAX: We can talk about that shit later.
Kellan Ashby. He's a priest.
What do you know about him?
STAHL: He's a friend to the Army, right?
JAX: More than a friend.
He's a sh*t caller.
I need to know everything about him.
STAHL: Why? JAX: He's got Abel.
And he wants me to k*ll Jimmy to get him back.
STAHL: You listen to me.
Jimmy O dies, so does our deal.
I need you to deliver him to me alive.
JAX: I know.
I'll figure it out.
Just get me some intel on the priest.
STAHL: Yeah, I'm just gonna handle it tomorrow, okay?
Okay.
TYLER: Who was that?
STAHL: Uh, it was Estevez.
He needs some field docs that I don't have with me.
(shower running)
CLAY: So, what do we know?
JAX: Kellan says he moved Abel out of Belfast to protect him... from Jimmy.
GEMMA: Why? What does Jimmy want with Abel?
JAX: Leverage... against what Kellan wants from us... Jimmy d*ad.
Apparently, he's become a problem for the Army.
GEMMA: Then we k*ll Jimmy.
JAX: It's not that simple.
GEMMA: Yeah, it is. JAX: No, it isn't!
Look, everything they say is... it's, like, smoky truth.
I don't trust them. I don't trust their priest.
The only thing we know for sure is he wants Jimmy.
CLAY: So we find Jimmy... trade him for Abel.
JAX: I think that's the only thing that makes sense.
We can't k*ll O'Phelan.
JUICE: Should I bring SAMBEL up to speed on this?
JAX: No. As far as they know, we want Jimmy to grill him about Abel.
Let's just leave it at that.
BOBBY: Belfast has a protection run this afternoon.
g*n shipment.
McGee told me that Jimmy will be at the pickup in Dungloe.
OPIE: And so are we.
JAX: I'm sorry, guys.
I had no idea what I was walking you into.
Shit going on down here... CLAY: You'd better crash for a few hours.
It's gonna be another fun-filled day in the six counties.
Are you coming, baby?
GEMMA: Be there in a minute.
(passing siren blaring)
GEMMA: This feels all wrong to me.
Who the hell are these people?
They're using a baby like a g*dd*mn poker chip.
JAX: It's not just them, Mom.
This happened because we deal g*n with the Irish.
Let's not kid ourselves we're the victims here.
GEMMA: Maybe that, um, profound awareness helps relieve your guilt... but now is not the time for soul-searching.
You focus on all the hate you need to k*ll all these Irish pricks.
♪ Riding through this world all alone God takes your soul You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight a perfect line On the devil's bed Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this world in the eye. ♪
UNSER: You got no idea who did this?
Fighter, trainer?
LUMPY: No.
UNSER: I know you ain't got much use for me, but clearly SAMCRO ain't able to protect you no more.
You got to give me something, Lump, or I'm gonna have to go by the book.
Talk to your employees, search lockers... check INS status.
LUMPY: Okay.
Okay, I get it.
The guy was a Mexican.
Told me not to mess with the Mayans.
UNSER: All right.
You hang in there.
PINEY: Holy shit, Lump, what happened?
UNSER: Let him rest.
Think you guys have helped enough.
MILES: Lump told Unser it was the Mayans.
KOZIK: It wasn't Darby, return visit?
TIG: Mayans?
Why the hell would Alvarez shit on the deal?
PINEY: 'Cause it's in his nature.
LUMPY: It's over, fellas.
Even... with insurance... too much... too much damage.
I got to sell.
PINEY: It's got to be the same guys that hired Darby to put the Mexicans up to it.
TIG: All right, let's go visit our angry white friend.
Oh, hey, Doc. TARA: Hi. I'll catch up with you.
TIG: Hey.
KOZIK: Hey, we heard from the guys... they got to Belfast okay.
TIG: Why don't you say it a little louder?
A few people in the E.R. didn't hear you.
KOZIK: I'm not talking to you, shithead.
PINEY: Hey, easy.
TARA: Well, thank you for letting me know.
TIG: Yeah.
Come on.
KOZIK: You do realize one of us is gonna end up d*ad, right?
PINEY: I'm counting on it.
McGEE: What's this about?
CLAY: We want in on the Dungloe run.
McGEE (chuckles): That's a short list, brother.
Can't be taking bread off our tables.
BOBBY: We don't need a cut.
We just want to talk to Jimmy.
JAX: Look, Kellan didn't shed enough light on my kid.
Just that Jimmy might be involved.
We know he's gonna be at the other end of this pickup in Dungloe.
CLAY: Some sort of... power beef going down in the Army ranks.
I don't know what it is, but we got to dance around it.
We can't piss off Jimmy, we can't piss off Ashby.
JAX: You guys okay with that?
You need a vote?
We don't need a vote.
Be good for you, you'd cut off all your lads to see what we go through... to put bread on your table.
McGEE: All right, well, I'll call Dungloe, let them know.
(gavel bangs)
PINEY: Well, well, well, ask and ye shall receive.
TIG: What are you doing here?
DARBY: I heard about the old Jew.
TIG: Check it out. Come here. Come on in.
KOZIK: Hey, you mind giving us a minute?
Sit down, Darby.
DARBY: So what do you want?
TIG: Well, what happened to your pretty face?
DARBY: Chemical accident.
PINEY: What kind of chemicals you find in a p*rn studio?
DARBY: Listen, whatever you guys think that I did, you're wrong.
Ask around, I'm out of the game.
TIG: All right.
Somebody, last night, broke into Lumpy's gym and nearly b*at him to death.
KOZIK: We know you were there yesterday.
DARBY: Yeah, I went there.
But I wasn't the one who worked him over last night.
PINEY: Well, then who did?
DARBY: I don't know. That's why I came to see him.
TIG: Oh, so you're feeling guilty?
DARBY: Are we done here?
TIG: No, we're not.
Who put you to task on Lumpy?
DARBY: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
And you couldn't prove it if you wanted to.
PINEY: Jacob Hale sent Darby to muscle Lumpy into selling his gym. That's it.
Darby couldn't finish the job.
But someone did and Hale initiated it.
And you're here, telling me this... because you want me to do what?
I don't know, uh...
Cop shit... Uh, look into it.
Look into arresting the guy whose family's been trying to shut down the MC for two decades.
That's a little convenient, ain't it?
This ain't about our beef with the Hales.
No.
It's about the word of two felons, against the guy who's gonna be our next mayor.
How do you think that plays out?
We... we are telling you...
It wasn't the Mayans that recked Lumpy.
UNSER: We got witnesses, saw a motorcycle flee the scene.
Harley, ape-hangers.
That what Hale's riding these days?
(knocking at door)
EGLEE: Line two, chief.
UNSER: If you'll excuse me, I got some "cop shit" I got to do.
TIG: Absolutely.
KOZIK: All right.
Hey, I got through to Alvarez.
He swears the Mayans had nothing to do with it.
TIG: Yeah, we know.
What other Harley-riding Mexicans have got something to gainy putting it on the Mayans?
KOZIK: Salazar.
McGEE: Aye, it's done.
SAMCRO coming on the run.
They think it was their idea.
JIMMY: Good.
Let's get it done right this time.
Stay on 14.
You'll find some pissers near the border.
You pass through, Clay and his boys will be detained.
McGEE: Look, these Charming boys are smart.
They know something's going on.
JIMMY: Pay off the coppers, make a show of it.
SAMCRO won't suspect anything.
McGEE: Aye.
JIMMY: I'll see you at the farm.
McGEE: Aye.
JIMMY: Arrange things at the barn.
DONNY: Are you sure about this, brother?
This could set off a chain of events that we may not be able to contain.
Aye.
It'll get done.
(engine starting)
(Chibs laughing)
CHIBS: Father Kellan.
How are you?
Filip.
(Chibs chuckles)
KELLAN: We have a few Italian priests visiting.
I thought it might be best if Micheal kept his eye on them here for a few hours.
CHIBS: Of course.
KELLAN: Good lad.
CHIBS: Okay. Thank you, father.
Hi, darling.
FIONA: Be careful.
CHIBS: Always.
Hey.
It's all right, sweetheart.
I'm just going to give these Irish boys an escort.
I'll be back later.
KERRIANNE: Okay.
CHIBS: Okay?
KERRIANNE: Love you, Dad.
CHIBS: I love you, baby.
You look out for your mom.
KELLAN: Have a safe run.
Hope you find what you're looking for.
KELLAN: Mrs. Teller.
GEMMA: Father.
(engines revving)
CLAY: Are you kidding me with this shit?
Is this legit?
McGEE: Aye.
Near the Republic border. It's routine.
Money will get us through.
I got some American brothers visiting.
Alright, we're good.
O'NEILL: Send them through.
OFFICER: All right, truck, move.
(engines starting)
O'NEILL: We'll pass through first.
And they'll check your IDs.
Shouldn't be a problem.
OPIE: What the hell do we do now?
JUICE: He paid them off.
JAX: Yeah, but for what?
CLAY: Let's find out.
OFFICER: IDs? IDs, let's go.
OFFICER: Where are you headed? CLAY: Coast.
Got a charter up in Dungloe.
OFFICER: Go on, then.
(engines revving)
Shit.
O'NEILL: They're getting through.
McGEE: I don't know.
Go on.
CLAY: Hey. Thanks for handling that. McGEE: Aye.
It's all good, brother.
KERRIANNE: Can I go down to the shop, hang with Trinity?
FIONA: No. You stay up here.
KERRIANNE: Why?
Afraid someone's gonna sh**t me?
FIONA: Don't you brash me.
MAUREEN: If you go down to the shop, Triny'll have you stocking shells.
Come on, we'll go in your room and set you up with some movies, love.
GEMMA: Ooh, I remember that age.
FIONA: I'd have a rod taken to my ass if I talked like that to my ma.
GEMMA: Good old days.
FIONA: You were right.
Me going to Chibs in Charming set this all in motion.
GEMMA: Sometimes the heart beats the head.
FIONA: Aye.
(Gemma sighs)
GEMMA: What do you know about Kellan Ashby?
CASEY: This is bad, Donny.
GEMMA: Shit!
DONNY: Sit down, Casey.
FIONA: Mother Mary.
JIMMY: Find the girl.
FIONA: What the hell are you doing, Jimmy?
JIMMY: Setting things right.
(silenced g*n)
GEMMA: Shit!
(Kerrianne screams)
KERRIANNE (muffled): Oh, my God!
(Kerrianne sobbing)
MAUREEN: You've b*rned it now, Jimmy.
Kellan practically raised those brothers.
They are like sons to him.
JIMMY: Well, now he can bury one of them, yeah?
Let's go.
FIONA: We're not going with you.
JIMMY: Do I have to k*ll another one for you to show you how much I love you?
I'm taking my family home.
KERRIANNE: Ma... FIONA: Okay.
Okay. No more blood.
Come on, sweetheart.
It'll be all right.
KERRIANNE: My stuff.
I-I left my iPod in the bedroom.
JIMMY: Donny, would you be so kind as to retrieve my lovely stepdaughter's iPod?
TRINITY: Shit!
DONNY: Christ.
JIMMY: Aye!
GEMMA: Drop the g*n.
Drop the g*n! Do it!
MAUREEN: Triny, Triny!
TRINITY: Ma?
MAUREEN: It's me.
GEMMA: We okay in there?
MAUREEN: Yeah, she's fine.
TRINITY: I heard a scream.
GEMMA: On the floor.
Face down, hands above your head.
Sit.
Take Triny and Kerrianne downstairs.
FIONA: What are you going to do, Gemma?
GEMMA: My family has a few things to work out with Jimmy.
FIONA: That's a mistake.
GEMMA: Then it's my mistake!
Get the girls out of here!
MAUREEN: Go on, girls, come on.
FIONA: Put it down.
GEMMA: What the hell are you doing? FIONA: Protecting you.
Give me the g*n.
GEMMA: I got to k*ll this son of a bitch.
FIONA: Not before I k*ll you.
(Jimmy laughs)
JIMMY: Mother of Christ.
You're crazy bitches, the lot.
FIONA: Shut up! Get out. You come trying to fetch me and Kerri again, and I swear on my Catholic God, I'll fill your thick Irish skull with b*ll*ts. Go.
JIMMY: Gemma, always a pleasure. I'll see you real soon, love.
(Gemma groans)
(gasping)
GEMMA: Why the hell did you stop me?
FIONA: You k*ll Jimmy, and his crew would wipe out your whole family. Total bloody genocide. You don't know.
(Gemma panting)
LUTHER: Hey, brother. How you doing?
McGEE: Fine. Welcome to the Republic, gents.
CLAY: Thanks. Pretty country.
Aye.
JAX: Jimmy's guys?
McGEE: No, real army men keeping tabs.
These are Jimmy's boys.
BOBBY: Boys is right.
How old are they?
PADRAIC: 15, maybe.
JAX: That's who Jimmy is recruiting?
PADRAIC: Aye, mostly.
CLAY: Where's the g*n?
LUTHER: Inside.
McGEE: What happened back there?
The pissers were supposed to pick up SAMCRO.
LIAM: Don't know.
Got no word from Jimmy.
Call him. I haven't heard him in so long.
(whistling)
HAPPY: These are magnificent.
CLAY: Saws?
Who's dealing these?
We don't ask those questions.
BOBBY: Brilliant shit, man.
Seen a dozen trucks hauling hay.
Just another farmer bringing the food back to the horses.
Never been stopped yet.
OPIE: Let's hope we can keep that streak going.
McGEE: Once we're loaded, army will drive the lorry.
We ride ahead and scout.
CLAY: We'll pick up the rear, make sure nobody flanks us.
McGEE: Aye.
JAX: Where to?
PADRAIC: It's another barn.
It's Hannahstown, just outside Belfast.
Then the army takes it over from there.
Right, come on, boys.
Let's get some muscle.
All right, buddy.
JAX: Where's Jimmy?
McGEE: He's on his way.
CLAY: You talk to him?
McGEE: Look, Jimmy never misses a transport. He'll be here.
MARGARET: What are you doing?
I thought I cleared your schedule.
TARA: I wasn't the one having the procedure yesterday.
It really was a friend.
MARGARET: I'm sorry I jumped to that conclusion.
TARA: Well, you weren't wrong.
I am pregnant.
I made an appointment for this evening, so I'll need my day cleared tomorrow.
MARGARET: Do you have a ride?
TARA: I'll take a cab.
MARGARET: That's ridiculous.
I can take you.
TARA: That's okay.
MARGARET: I take 99 home.
It's not that far out of my way.
TARA: All right, thank you.
(Tara exhaling)
(sniffs)
(Tara clears throat)
(indistinct chatter)
JAX: Juice.
JUICE: Yo.
JAX: Keep an eye on O'Neill.
JUICE: Got it.
Hap.
McGEE: We should get moving.
JAX: We're not going anywhere until Jimmy gets here.
McGEE: That's not our call, brother. The army sets the pace when they're ready.
JUICE: Where the hell is he going?
HAPPY: Hey, where the hell are you going?
LIAM: Got to m*rder a shite.
Want to watch?
HAPPY: Do you?
JUICE: No, I'm good.
Let's go.
McGEE: Jesus Christ.
No, no, just give me a moment.
Right, okay.
That was Mo.
Jimmy's in Belfast. He was looking for Fiona.
CHIBS: Why, what happened?
McGEE: It's all right, they're all okay.
BOBBY: Hey, hey! What's this?
BOBBY: Hey!
(all shouting)
JUICE: Hey, what are you kids doing?
Come on...
LUTHER: It's a bloody trap!
CLAY: Ram that door!
CHIBS: No!
Don't you start that!
PADRAIC: Go, go, go, go, go!
JUICE: Stand back!
CLAY: Ram the g*dd*mn door!
MAN: Son...
Son...
CLAY: Are you okay?
JAX: Yeah.
CHIBS (sobbing): Paddy!
Paddy!
My boy...
Paddy!
Paddy!
This was Jimmy.
We don't know that.
LIAM: bl*wing up g*n, had to be the Ulsters.
JAX: Where the hell were you?
LIAM: I was taking a shit. Your boys were watching.
BOBBY: The expl*si*n was seen for miles.
We gotta get out of here now.
(f*re crackling)
CLAY: Load the wounded.
Let's go.
JAX: Chibs, I'm sorry, man.
We gotta go.
OPIE: Come on, brother. Come on.
CHIBS: No! OPIE: Come on, mate.
He's gone. He's gone!
JAX: Come on.
CHIBS: You bastards are d*ad!
JAX: No!
CHIBS: You bastards are d*ad!
(Unser sighs)
UNSER: What do you need?
JACOB: I heard about Lumpy. What happened?
UNSER: Head injury, internal bleeding.
It's pretty bad.
JACOB (sighs): Any leads?
UNSER: Lump says the guy was Mexican... Mayan.
JACOB: Jesus Christ.
I'm trying to save Charming PD, Wayne, but I'm running out of shit to put in the plus column.
After this, I may not be able to sway city council.
I need some wins.
Elliot.
OSWALD: Jacob.
How are you?
JACOB: Oh, not so good.
Chief Unser just filled me in on the att*ck at Lumpy's.
It was the same faction that was responsible for David's death.
More brutal acts of v*olence brought on by the men that you bailed from jail.
(Oswald sighs)
UNSER: He sure knows how to make an exit.
OSWALD: Yeah. He's a dick.
(Oswald sighs)
Was it really Mayan retaliation?
Doesn't make sense.
What are you talking about?
Clay assured me that the feud between SAMCRO and the Mayans was put to bed.
I saw him and Alvarez shake hands at St. Thomas two days ago.
Thank you.
(Unser sighs)
UNSER: There's a lot of bad blood there.
Don't take much to kick it back up.
OSWALD: You need to check out that stretch of Liberty Street.
Every store went belly up.
Lumpy's the only one left.
I checked with the bank.
Not one of them foreclosed.
UNSER: Then who owns them?
OSWALD: I don't know.
My guess?
A single developer's buying out that block.
And they'd have a lot to gain by clearing out Lumpy.
(bells tolling)
KELLAN: You're safe now.
No harm's gonna come to you.
Let's take the ladies to the rectory.
I'll have someone to watch them there.
We'll let Sean grieve.
MAUREEN: Come on, girls.
GEMMA: Sorry about your friend.
KELLAN: So am I.
GEMMA: Can we talk?
Why are you doing this to us?
If you know where my grandson is, just tell me.
KELLAN: I know it seems unfair.
You and your son are caught up in a very ugly struggle, and I am sorry for that.
But the things I do are not just about my Irish loyalty.
They're about keeping promises to your family.
GEMMA: To my family?
KELLAN: John and I grew very close while he was here.
I loved him dearly.
GEMMA: Guess you're the one, granted him absolution from adultery?
KELLAN: No.
He struggled greatly with his love for you.
GEMMA: John bailed on his family.
I watched my baby sleeping in a coma while he was here playing house with your sister.
So don't tell me how he struggled.
KELLAN: I didn't mean to be dismissive of your pain.
I understand you feel... GEMMA: You don't understand shit!
Hypocrites.
All of you.
KOZIK: Take the prospects, head around back.
TIG: No. You take the prospects around back.
We're going to the front.
KOZIK: I'm gonna need a little man.
20 count.
TIG: Okay. Go.
MILES: Oh, oh, oh.
Should I be counting, like from now, or when they left?
Christ.
(grunts)
MILES: I'm good.
TIG: Shut up.
KOZIK: It's empty.
No Salazar.
TIG: Shit.
(knocking)
EGLEE: From the County Clerk.
Group buying up the properties on Liberty Street...
Miltona Trust.
List of investors.
Thanks.
Uh-uh.
Son of a bitch.
What the hell are you doing here?
We need to talk. Get in.
Don't ever come to my place with business again. Do you understand?
Oh, what's the matter, Mr. Hale?
You ashamed doing business with me?
I'm regretting it.
You were supposed to scare Lumpy, not b*at him half to death.
SALAZAR: I got him to sell, didn't I?
JACOB: What do you want?
SALAZAR: Need a favor.
I got some unfinished business with the Sons.
Need to know where I can find Jax Teller's old lady.
She ain't at the house. We checked.
I need to know where she works.
JACOB: I'm not telling you anything.
SALAZAR: Baby?
(on recording): You ashamed of doing business with me?
JACOB: I'm regretting it.
You were supposed to scare Lumpy, not b*at him half to death.
SALAZAR: I got him to sell...
(beep)
JACOB: This is blackmail.
SALAZAR: Yeah.
I got a nap for that, homs.
How're the girls?
Yeah, they're ok.
Safe.
Produce a dunphy on 'em.
I want a patch on them from now on.
CLAY: You got it.
BOBBY: Talked to Oswald.
He's got cargo leaving Manchester day after tomorrow.
You got to get your family out of here.
JAX: He's right, Chibs.
Take Fi and Kerrianne, head back to Charming.
CHIBS: No.
OPIE: You got to protect them, brother.
CHIBS: I am.
This is Kerrianne's home.
And she does not want to leave, and I'm not gonna force her.
And the only way that I can keep my baby safe is when that bastard O'Phelan is d*ad.
And I guarantee I am gonna make that happen.
JAX: Yeah, okay, bro.
(phone ringing)
STAHL: Hello.
JAX: Can you talk?
STAHL: Yeah.
Um... I ran Kellan Ashby through every database that I could.
Now, it's common knowledge that he's a friend of the cause, but nothing ties him.
I mean, there are no arrests, there's no seizures, he's never been interrogated.
He is a revered priest who has turned down three promotions from the Vatican.
JAX: A saint.
STAHL: Yeah, I'm afraid so.
JAX: I got another name for you... Liam O'Neill.
SOA Belfast.
STAHL: One of yours?
JAX: Pretty sure he and Jimmy tried to blow us up today.
STAHL: Are you all right?
JAX: Yeah, but five others are spread out over a farm outside Dungloe.
Hey, look, I need you back in one piece, okay, Jax?
JAX: I appreciate your concern.
TRINITY: Spare a f*g?
JAX: It's almost 3:00.
Why aren't you in bed?
TRINITY: Not much of a sleeper.
JAX: Yeah, I get that.
(Jax sighs)
TRINITY: How are you, Jackson?
JAX: I'm tired, Trinity.
TRINITY: Yeah.
(Jax sighs)
(music playing on car radio)
(thudding)
(metal crunching)
Dammit.
Are you ok?
Yeah.
LUISA: Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
I wasn't paying attention. I...
MARGARET: Oh... Doesn't look like there's any damage.
LUISA: Hey, I know you.
You're Jax Teller's girl, right?
TARA: Uh, I... yeah. Who are you?
LUISA: I'm his girl.
TARA: Whoa.
MARGARET: What the hell is this?
TARA: Hey.
LUISA: Brunette's his old lady.
SALAZAR: What about the redhead?
She an old lady, too?
TARA: I'm... I'm a doctor at St. Thomas Hospital.
She's the supervisor. Check her.
(Salazar chuckling)
She's a supervisor all right. Come on. We're going for a ride. Come on, let's go. Get in. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "03x09 - Turas"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
GEMMA: My son? He knows nothing about John and Belfast.
MAUREEN: Nor does my Triny. GEMMA: Who's Triny?
MAUREEN: Trinity, my daughter.
GEMMA: What does she have to do with John?
MAUREEN: You don't know, do you? Hi, I'm so sorry. Hey. I know you. You're Jax Teller's girl, right?
TARA: Who are you?
LUISA: I'm his girl.
MARGARET: What the hell is this?
SALAZAR: Check her ink. (Salazar chuckling) She's a supervisor, all right.
JAX: Kellan Ashby. He's a sh*t caller and he wants me to k*ll Jimmy to get him back.
STAHL: You listen to me. Jimmy O dies, so does our deal.
I need you to deliver him to me alive.
LIAM: Charming don't trust me, Jimmy.
I can smell it on 'em.
McGee, I don't know if he's got the heart for this.
JIMMY: I don't need heart.
I need gut and brains.
CLAY: We want in on the Dungloe run.
OPIE: As far as Jimmy knows, we're just tagging along to see how the operation works.
McGEE: It's done.
SAMCRO's coming on the run.
They think it was their idea.
JIMMY: Good.
Let's get it done right this time.
McGEE: These Charming boys are smart.
They know something's going on.
JIMMY: Arrange things at the barn.
DONNY: This is going to set off a chain of events that we may not be able to contain.
BOBBY: Hey! Hey! What's this?
LUTHER: It's a bloody trap!
KELLAN: Good morning.
(Jax groans)
JAX: What time is it?
KELLAN: Almost noon.
JAX: Guess you heard.
KELLAN: Yes.
I'm sorry about Patrick.
JAX: Jimmy k*lled your brother and five members of my club.
That blast was meant for Sam Crow.
KELLAN: Greed pushed him over the line.
This betrayal means he's gone rogue.
JAX: I need to know where to find Jimmy.
KELLAN: We'll make that happen, but first we have to prove that Jimmy blew up that truck.
JAX: Why?
KELLAN: Our conversation the other night.
When I show the council proof that Jimmy sabotaged that shipment, knowingly m*rder two of our men, then that task I put on you is no longer covert.
You do it with the full support of the Army.
JAX: And what about my kid?
KELLAN: With Jimmy out of the way... your son will return to his loving family.
(Jax snorts)
JAX: Like I got a choice.
KELLAN: You'll need to find someone working with Jimmy, the closer the better.
JAX: I got a few ideas.
Once you, uh, find the right man, give Sean a ring.
You'll find he's quite resourceful.
(door closes)
JIMMY: So, what's the fallout?
(Donny sighs)
DONNY: If Kellan proves to the council at the attacker was you, I don't know how we're going to spin it.
I'm not sure how our crew will react.
JIMMY: These are my boys. I pulled them out of the stinking gutter.
DONNY: Yeah, you did, but the ones who chained up that barn thought they were k*lling traitors.
When the truth comes out, then you become the traitor.
JIMMY: Aye.
We can feed our boys any truth that we need.
Only one that can prove that I was connected to that blast is O'Neill, so you and I are going to go and tie up that loose end, yeah?
DONNY (quietly): Right.
(door opens and closes)
(door locks)
McGEE: Hey, I went looking for you last night, O'Neill.
LIAM: I didn't go home.
McGEE: Aye.
Must've had a lot on your mind.
LIAM: I guess.
(McGee grunts)
McGEE: You knew Jim was gonna blow that truck!
I didn't know!
Don't lie to me, brother.
I'm not lying.
You gotta believe me, Keith.
It sure doesn't matter what I believe.
I say, lay steady.
SAMCRO is gonna rip you open and get the truth and we're both d*ad men.
What should I do?
Get the hell out of here and lay low.
Until Jax get that kid and leave.
Shite!
(tape tearing)
(Margaret gasps)
SALAZAR: I guess you weren't lying.
We got ourselves a doctor and a hospital boss.
TARA: What do you want?
LUISA: Shut up.
You don't get to ask questions.
SALAZAR: I need a way to reach your club.
TARA: Why? What do you want?
LUISA: What did I just say, bitch?
MARGARET: They need to make their demands.
SALAZAR: Smart.
So she's the boss?
MARGARET: Give them a number, Tara.
JAX: Kellan needs us to prove Jimmy blew up that g*n truck.
GEMMA: And what about Abel?
JAX: Same promise.
Get Jimmy, we get Abel.
CLAY: Then we start with O'Neill. JAX: Yeah.
Him and Jimmy's guys were the only ones not in that barn.
OPIE: Any remote detonator could cover that distance.
It had to be him.
BOBBY: O'Neill's their officer.
We call him out as a rat, we pretty much condemn the whole charter.
CLAY: Maybe it's time we look at that.
How do we know Jimmy didn't turn others?
JAX: Right.
Without that rat bastard... McGEE: Because my boys are loyal to the MC.
Aye, you're right about O'Neill.
The Irish became more important than the patch.
CLAY: Well, that's not what you told me.
McGEE: 'Cause I like to give my boys the benefit of the doubt, Clay.
But after yesterday, there's no doubt left.
He's gone, his flat's empty, and he's got to be with Jimmy.
CHIBS: Son of a bitch!
Look...
I'll take care of O'Neill.
SAMBEL will take care of the betrayal but we need to get to Niuwry and put a b*llet in Jimmy. - No.
Only way I get my son back is if we find O'Neill and make that bitch tell the truth.
Alright, great.
So I guess it's the truth we're after.
CLAY: Need to find O'Neill.
CHERRY: Why? What happened?
McGEE: Liam's in some trouble, Cherry.
JAX: Your old man was responsible for that blast yesterday.
CHERRY: No. No, Liam loves the club.
BOBBY: We just got to find him, get the truth.
CHERRY: I know what that means.
You going to k*ll him?
CLAY: He'll get his say.
MAUREEN: Just tell them what you know, sweetheart.
CHERRY: I don't know anything.
Okay, he didn't come home last night. He hasn't called.
JAX: He have family?
Someplace he might lay low?
CHERRY: No.
I mean, the club is his only family.
I'm sorry, I-I really... I have no idea.
JAX: Let's go turn over his apartment.
GEMMA: Hold on.
You hear what happened to Half-Sack?
CHERRY: Yeah.
GEMMA: You know O'Neill's connected to that, right?
CHERRY: Bullshit.
MAUREEN: No, she's right.
Cammy and Liam.
Both under Jimmy's authority.
You know, Liam was privy to your man getting a Kn*fe in the belly.
GEMMA: And your protecting this guy makes you just as guilty.
CHERRY: I'm... No... GEMMA: O'Neill's not in the MC anymore.
He turned on his brothers, and he bailed on you.
TRINITY: Just tell them what you know, Cher.
CHERRY: All right.
Last week, I found a lot of cash in his pocket, so it made me curious and I went looking through his things, and I dug up two receipts for bank accounts, both with a lot of money and a contract for some kind of a loft down at the docks.
So maybe he's there.
(Cherry yelps)
TRINITY: Ma!
MAUREEN: Never, ever lie to the club.
Do you understand me? Do you understand me?
CHERRY: Yes.
(gagging)
TRINITY: Ma!
(Cherry groans)
MAUREEN: Get the club.
(door opens)
JIMMY: Glad you reached out.
Been worried.
LIAM: Sorry, Jimmy.
It all went to shite.
SAMCRO's on to me. I'm underground.
JIMMY: Deed served its purpose.
You did good, brother.
Now tell me where you're at so me and Donny can come and collect you.
LIAM: Aye.
Okay.
Appreciate that.
(phone ringing)
Teller-Morrow?
SALAZAR: Let me talk to a member of the Sons.
CHUCKY: I can help you.
SALAZAR: Are you a member?
CHUCKY: Trusted friend.
SALAZAR: Put a g*dd*mn member on the phone!
(machine whirring)
CHUCKY: Yo?
PINEY: Yeah?
CHUCKY: Not very nice.
PINEY: Hi.
This is Piney.
SALAZAR: You a patched member?
PINEY: Who the hell is this?
SALAZAR: The guy pointing a g*n at Jax Teller's old lady.
(tape tears)
TARA: It's Tara. He's telling the truth.
PINEY: He wants us to k*ll Alvarez and steal a quarter of a mil from his home safe.
KOZIK: This dude's gone off the deep end, man.
TIG: You're certain that Salazar's got Tara?
PINEY: Yeah. He took her and that redhead from the hospital.
We don't deliver in 12 hours, they're both d*ad.
KOZIK: We got to let Jax know.
PINEY: No.
He's got enough on his plate.
TIG: Yes, he does.
We need to handle this.
KOZIK: We got to reach out to Alvarez, get him to play along.
I mean, he could supply intel on Salazar.
He might even know where he's got the girls.
PINEY: Don't let that horse truce fool you.
The Mayans hate us.
KOZIK: What else are we gonna do?
We gonna whack Alvarez, start a blood w*r?
It's our only sh*t.
TIG: What if he says no?
He could say no. Then we've played our hand. Girls are d*ad.
KOZIK: Alvarez is a smart guy, man.
He's got a family.
He'll get it.
TIG: Better be right.
(engines revving)
O'Neill's loft's got to be near the water.
RYAN: This way.
BOBBY: What's wrong?
McGEE: Aye. I've just been a bit unsteady since the blast yesterday.
Just give me a moment.
I'll be all right.
JAX: Come on, let's go.
(phone ringing)
LIAM: Aye?
McGEE: Where are you?
LIAM: Storage loft.
McGEE: Get out. Sam Crow's nearly there.
JIMMY: Where the hell is he going?
JAX: That's got to be him.
(grunting)
CHIBS: I'll k*ll ya!
HAPPY: Easy, brother.
Not yet.
(grunting)
JAX: Call Sean Casey.
Tell him we got a confession to record.
(grunting)
DONNY: Club's handling the traitor issue.
JIMMY: We need some lads with years, at least four.
And the a*t*matic r*fles.
McGEE: You got him?
CLAY: Yeah.
Feeling all right?
McGEE: Aye. CLAY: Good.
'Cause I got a feeling you're gonna need a strong stomach.
DONNY: Sean Casey's joined the party.
JIMMY: Then we can be sure O'Neill's sharing his most intimate secrets.
All right, lads, let's sort out this lot, yeah?
(grunts)
SEAN: I need you to tell me who ordered you to blow up that truck, Liam.
LIAM: I didn't blow it up.
Please, Sean.
I didn't... I didn't...
(panting)
(screaming)
God, please!
(Liam cries)
(yelling)
McGEE: Can't watch this.
BOBBY: This is some medieval shit.
(Liam crying)
SEAN: Who... ordered... the h*t?
(flesh ripping, screaming)
LIAM: No!
Please. I did it.
I'm sorry.
I had a detonator.
I waited till Jimmy's boys chained the barn.
(groans)
SEAN: Jimmy O'Phelan ordered you to blow up that shipment and k*ll Army men?
LIAM: Jimmy set it up.
I put it in motion.
(cries)
We didn't tell McGee about it.
Knew he wouldn't get on board.
CLAY: McGee's working for Jimmy?
Who else?
LIAM: No one. Just us.
(Liam grunts)
CLAY: Who else?!
LIAM: No one. Just us.
CLAY: Get him!
JAX: Did you get what you need?
SEAN: Oh, aye.
Turn off the camera.
RYAN: McGee took off, and Jimmy's crew's heading this way.
CLAY: Lock the doors.
JAX: Make sure Kellan gets this.
No matter what, he keeps his promise about my kid.
CLAY: Get the thinner.
Get out of here, boys.
CHIBS: Go.
JIMMY: sh**t it.
(rapid g*n)
JIMMY: Shite. They carved him up.
(doors rattling)
The door.
(knocking on door)
Hey! Hey, you bastard.
DONNY: It's locked!
JIMMY: Mother of Christ, let's get to the roof!
(screaming)
DONNY: Up the ladder, quick!
CHIBS: Caught you, you bastard.
It's the priest you ought to be hating.
He's playing you, Jackson, he's never gonna give you your son back.
Running out of friends, Jimmy!
McGee!
Shit!
(tires squealing)
CLAY: Keith!
It's over.
Done.
No place to go.
CLAY: Just tell me why.
McGEE: Just getting old, Clay.
This life hasn't given me much in the way of retirement.
It's just about the money, brother.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: Jimmy got away.
Give me the coat.
Sorry.
Let's get out of here.
ROARKE: I asked the father to bring you here.
We want to thank you personally.
This information confirms a suspicion we've had about Jimmy for quite some time.
We know you risked your lives to get it.
We owe you.
CLAY: How do we get to O'Phelan?
BROGAN: That's an Army matter. He's a traitor. Be dealt with as such.
JAX: That's not the deal.
KELLAN: I'm afraid it is, Jackson.
JAX: What are you talking about?! You said I would get support to take out Jimmy!
CLAY: Easy. Easy. Not here.
DOOLEY: This is a... sensitive situation. Has to be handled internally. I'm sure you can understand that, lad.
KELLAN: Jackson and I have some... outside issues to discuss. We'll do that later, son.
SALAZAR: Let her breathe. Your club's cooperating.
(door closes)
MARGARET: Are you okay?
TARA: Yeah. You?
MARGARET: Yes.
TARA: I don't know why they're doing this.
MARGARET: I'm sure it's about money.
TARA (scoffs): Yeah, well, then they're out of luck, 'cause the club doesn't have any.
I am sorry this is happening to you.
MARGARET: So am I.
TARA: The, um... tattoo on your back?
MARGARET: Another life.
TARA: What is it?
MARGARET: I thought I was in love.
TARA: That's a... serious amount of ink.
MARGARET: I was in deep.
Started out just another groupie.
Before I knew it, I was giving him my money, buying him drugs, then dealing for him.
Christmas Eve 1989, we both O.D.'d on fentanyl-laced heroin.
He died... and I woke up.
TARA: I'm sorry.
MARGARET: I'm not.
I leave it there so I remember all that shit is behind me.
TARA: Yeah.
(door opens)
(Jax sighs)
What happened, brother?
JAX: I went to St. Matt's.
Kellan wasn't there.
Casey wouldn't tell me where he was.
(sighs)
BOBBY: Well, the cops found the bodies on the docks, and they're gonna be here asking questions.
OPIE: We find Abel, catch Oswald's plane tomorrow night, and get the hell off of this musk covered shit hole.
Amen, my brother.
JAX: I can't just sit here.
I'm going for a walk.
GEMMA: You watch him.
OPIE: Yes, ma'am.
BOBBY: SAMBEL's gathering to take a quick vote and tap Ryan as president.
CLAY: Good. We need this charter whole.
BOBBY: All right, Chibs.
(Clay sighs)
CLAY: Give me a minute.
What's the matter?
GEMMA: Just want to make sure you're okay.
CLAY: I'm fine.
GEMMA: I'm sorry about McGee. CLAY: Nothing to be sorry about.
He sold us out; he got what he deserves.
(sighs)
GEMMA: It's okay to feel bad, baby.
(Clay groans)
McGee was first nine.
You'd known him for 40 years.
(slams bottle down)
CLAY: Time don't mean shit.
(sets glass down hard)
GEMMA: Who did it?
CLAY: Who do you think?
(door opens)
(door closes)
(Gemma exhales)
KOZIK: His chopper's in the driveway; looks like he's home.
TIG: Alvarez, we need to talk to you.
ALVAREZ: What the hell you doing here?
TIG: Shit! Hey, hey, hey... ALVAREZ: What are you doing here?
Don't, don't don't!
What are you doing here?
Look, we just need...
DIANA: Drop the g*n! KOZIK: Hold it, hold it!
Jesus, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Think this through.
Baby, what we do?
Look, we just need to talk to you, okay?
This is a friendly visit.
Put 'em away.
Put 'em away.
TIG: Come on, man. Come on.
Piney.
Alvarez, he's right, we come in peace.
Peace.
ALVAREZ: Take Tessa.
How'd you get my address?
TIG: Got it from Salazar, man.
You know what he's done?
He's kidnapped Jax's old lady and a woman she works with.
ALVAREZ: You serious?
PINEY: He's got a very interesting list of demands.
TIG: Salazar wanted us to come here and k*ll you, and then take that 250K you got hidden in your safe.
ALVAREZ: You know what I got in that safe?
Two old watches, insurance policies and my kid's baby teeth.
Go ahead, check it out.
TIG: Aw, shit!
KOZIK: We'll get the money someplace else.
What we need from you is to be d*ad, just until we get Tara back.
ALVAREZ: Excuse me?
TIG: Just... just put it on the street, man...
Alright? It'll get back to Salazar. That buys us some time.
ALVAREZ: You know what happens to my business if my competition thinks I'm d*ad?
PINEY: Marcus, we just need 24 hours.
Then you can rise from the d*ad, and all them vatos will go spooky respect with that shit, you know?
ALVAREZ: You come to my house, where my family is, pull g*n and make demands.
You got any idea what I can do to you?
KOZIK: Okay, it was stupid coming here, we know.
But Jax's son is already missing.
And the thought of him losing the girl he loves, we can't let that happen.
Look, I'm really sorry we upset your family, but we're desperate.
You're the only sh*t we got at saving those women.
Look, we'll make it up to you... somehow.
Please.
ALVAREZ: All right.
I'll play d*ad 24 hours, and that's it.
KOZIK: Thank you.
ALVAREZ: And you come here again, truce, no truce... I'll k*ll all of you.
TRINITY: Heard you're gonna be leaving.
JAX: Yeah. Soon as I get my kid.
Hopefully, tomorrow.
TRINITY: That's good.
Getting your son.
JAX: I'm sorry about McGee.
TRINITY: Thanks.
Guess he was the closest thing I had to a da.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: Where's your old man?
TRINITY: k*lled in Lebanon.
I was a baby.
JAX: He was a soldier?
TRINITY: Aye.
JAX (whispers): Oh, my God.
CHERRY: I heard they buried Kip with his patch.
GEMMA: Yeah.
That's good.
No tears for the man that just died?
CHERRY: Why? He was a liar... and a rat.
MAUREEN: You don't know the facts.
GEMMA: Do you?
McGee ever say anything about Jimmy?
MAUREEN: No.
He was more distant than usual.
MAUREEN: I didn't see this coming.
GEMMA: Desperate times, huh? Makes men do desperate things.
MAUREEN: What do you know about desperate?
All our times here are desperate!
SAMCRO has no idea the risk Belfast takes to keep Charming safe and cozy.
GEMMA: Redwood put SAMBEL on the map.
MAUREEN: Aye, and after four days you nearly wiped them off.
GEMMA: I'll assume that's the drink talking.
MAUREEN: You assume whatever you want.
All I know is, since you and your boys rolled into our alley, we're short three lives.
GEMMA: And I'm missing my grandson, 'cause your assh*le brother is playing a shell game with his life.
MAUREEN: I should take your right eye for talking shite about a man of God.
GEMMA: It wouldn't be the first thing you took from me.
MAUREEN: Well, maybe if you didn't chew men up like a meat grinder, they wouldn't be overseas looking for some tenderness.
GEMMA: You little dink of a whore!
CHERRY: What the hell are you guys talking about?
GEMMA: I need smokes.
MAUREEN: I need whiskey.
(Cherry sighs)
CHERRY (quietly): I need a new life.
(clattering)
GEMMA: What the...?
What's that?
MAUREEN: You get the door.
GEMMA: Ready?
TRINITY: Christ, Ma!
JAX (clears throat): You want to shut the door?
GEMMA: This is very bad.
MAUREEN: Agreed.
Little slut.
GEMMA: Yeah. He is.
(sighs) Well... unless we want a three-headed grandchild, looks like we're gonna have to share some family history.
TRINITY: I don't understand.
You said my da was a soldier.
MAUREEN: I know.
TRINITY: He was a member of the club?
MAUREEN: Founding member.
TRINITY: John.
John Teller?
MAUREEN (whispers): Aye.
TRINITY: Why wouldn't you tell me that?
Why the hell did you lie to me?
MAUREEN: I lied to everybody, Triny.
Your nana shipped me off to Dublin to have you in secret.
She wanted me to give you up for Catholic adoption.
I couldn't do that.
John had another life, another family.
And when he died so young... I thought it best to give you a better memory.
Neal Duffy was a lad I knew that was k*lled in the line of duty.
He was a sweet, noble lad.
He had no kin... no loose ends to untie.
TRINITY: I almost shagged my brother, Ma.
You know how humiliating that is?
MAUREEN: Sorry, Triny.
I'm sorry.
(Trinity sobs)
Who else knows about this?
GEMMA: Apparently, John didn't tell anyone.
JAX: Clay?
GEMMA: No.
(sighs)
Sorry you had to find out like this.
JAX: Yeah, no shit.
(scoffs) Two minutes later, I'd have been dancing in Tig territory.
How'd you find out?
GEMMA: I found a letter that your dad wrote to her.
A love letter.
Like the ones he used to write me.
She was 19.
A fresh start.
JAX (whispers): Sorry, Mom.
(sighs)
(knocking, door opens)
OPIE: Kellan's here.
I cleared out the clubhouse.
JAX: All right.
GEMMA: Look... you go out there and find our boy.
That priest does not leave this alley until you have an address, you understand me?
JAX: Yeah.
SALAZAR: Time's up.
TARA: For what? What are you gonna do?
SALAZAR: Your crew ain't taking me serious.
So I'm gonna k*ll the red bitch.
TARA: No. I'm the one you wanted.
SALAZAR: Yeah, and you still have some value.
MARGARET: I can get you money. Let me make a call.
SALAZAR: Shut up! MARGARET: Please!
(Luisa gasps)
(Tara grunts)
TARA: Don't! I'm pregnant!
(panting)
MARGARET: It's true. She is.
(cell phone ringing)
TIG: It's done.
We've k*lled Alvarez. We've got the 250K.
SALAZAR: I'll need to confirm it.
TIG: Me, too. Put Tara on the phone.
TARA: Hello?
TIG: Doing okay, sweetheart?
(Tara panting)
TARA: Yeah, we're okay.
Okay, we're gonna bring you home. I promise.
SALAZAR: I'll call back to arrange a meet.
If you're lying... she's d*ad.
TIG: All right.
Now all we've got to do is come up with 250K by tomorrow night.
CLAY: You want me in there?
JAX: No.
This is between me and the priest.
CLAY: Okay.
SEAN: The piece.
(lock clicks)
JAX: Where's my kid?
KELLAN: I'm about to break a vow...an oath of confidentiality I had with your father.
JAX: What does that have to do with my kid?
KELLAN: Everything.
Sit.
Sit.
I got to know J.T. very well.
I loved him like a brother.
JAX: Well, that makes sense, considering he had a kid with your sister.
KELLAN: I listened to his confession for over three years.
I heard every... sin and sorrow that he carried.
Your father's pain distills into one resolute desire...
That his sons never followed his path.
He never wanted this life for you.
JAX: Why are you telling me this?
KELLAN: Because he died before he could keep his promise.
I couldn't do anything to help save the son...
But I can do something to save the grandson.
JAX: Save him from what?!
KELLAN: The life of his father.
(chair clatters across floor)
JAX: Where the hell is my kid?
KELLAN: He's in the arms of a loving family.
JAX: You son of a bitch!
(grunts)
(Sean yells)
JAX: You tell me where my son is, or I will k*ll him.
(Sean yells)
KELLAN: Stop. Stop!
All right, oh, I'll tell you, I'll tell you.
2309 Upper Springfield Road, where it crosses Wheeler.
Stone house on the corner.
And wait until mid-morning.
Sometimes the sisters take the infants to the convent for the night.
JAX: What sisters?
KELLAN: Private missionaries.
They look for good Catholic homes.
JAX: You filthy Judas.
Adoption?!
Get out.
Get out!
KELLAN: I know you think I'm an evil man... but it's my job to look at the greater good.
With Jimmy, with your child.
That's what leaders do.
Your father knew that the patch was a mistake.
And so do you.
Look at the v*olence in the last three days alone.
Is that the life you want for your child?
If you love him... give him more.
Sean...
(Sean groaning)
(panting)
(door closes) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "03x10 - Firinne"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy:
TRINITY: Christ, Ma.
GEMMA: Looks like we're gonna have to share some family history.
TRINITY: You said my dad was a soldier.
MAUREEN: I know. TRINITY: He was a member of the club?
MAUREEN: Founding member.
TRINITY: John Teller?
TIG: Salazar, man... he's kidnapped Jax's old lady and a woman she works with.
ALVAREZ: You serious?
KOZIK: What we need from you is to be d*ad.
ALVAREZ: I'll play d*ad 24 hours, that's it.
TIG: We've k*lled Alvarez. It's done.
JACOB: I'm trying to save Charming P.D., Wayne, but after this, I may not be able to sway city council.
GEMMA: This is from Stahl, isn't it? Do not get in bed with this bitch.
JAX: Kellan Ashby. He's a sh*t-caller, and he wants me to k*ll Jimmy to get him back.
STAHL: Jimmy O dies, so does our deal.
I need you to deliver him to me alive.
CLAY: McGee's working for Jimmy?
(g*n)
JAX: Make sure Kellan gets this.
No matter what, he keeps his promise about my kid.
CLAY: Keith!
Just tell me why.
McGEE: It was just about the money, brother. Sorry.
ROARKE: This information confirms a suspicion we've had about Jimmy for quite some time.
BROGAN: He's a traitor. Be dealt with as such.
JAX: That's not the deal. KELLAN: I'm afraid it is, Jackson.
JAX: What are you talking about?
You said I would get support to take out Jimmy.
DOOLEY: This has to be handled internally.
JAX: You tell me where my son is, or I will k*ll him.
KELLAN: I'll tell you.
Upper Springfield Road. Private missionaries.
JAX: Adoption?!
KELLAN: Look at the v*olence in the last three days alone.
Your father knew the patch was a mistake, and so do you.
Is that the life you want for your child?
If you love him, give him more.
(phone line ringing)
STAHL: This is Agent Stahl's mobile phone.
Leave a message, and I'll return the call.
JAX: Hey, I've been trying trying you for hours.
You need to call me back.
Thanks.
Sure.
TRINITY: I don't know what to say here.
Feel like an idiot.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: Bottom line here... I found out I have a sister.
TRINITY: Aye. A sister you nearly shagged.
JAX: You say that like it's a bad thing.
(Trinity laughs)
(phone ringing)
JAX: I got to take this.
TRINITY: Go get my nephew, yeah?
JAX: Yeah.
JAX: The priest used us to prove Jimmy ordered that expl*si*n.
IRA put out the k*ll order.
Jimmy's a marked man.
STAHL: Then unmark him, all right?
I need him back here alive.
JAX: Yeah, first thing I got to do is find my kid.
STAHL: I understand, all right? But if you want to get Gemma off the hook for the homicide and reduced time for the club, then you need to make Jimmy a priority.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
JAX: I'm handling it.
(Margaret crying)
TARA: We're going to be okay.
MARGARET: Thinking about Dave and the kids.
They must be out of their minds with worry.
TARA: Well, the police will know we're missing by now.
They're gonna be looking for us.
MARGARET: You seem to be handling this well.
(Margaret cries)
TARA: We should try to get some sleep.
Eglee.
Shit.
Sorry, chief. Didn't know you were there.
UNSER: Uh, you come in to cover a shift?
EGLEE: No. I was out at the Buffalo Bar.
I ran into Nikki from the mayor's office.
City council held a crisis assembly tonight.
They voted the Sanwa Sheriff's take over the entire department.
Unanimous decision.
She said they contacted everyone.
UNSER: This happened tonight?
EGLEE: Yeah.
Was coming to check your e-mail, see if they sent anything about UNSER: I didn't get no damn e-mail.
EGLEE: What the hell does this mean?
UNSER: I don't know. I'm not sure.
Ugh, God.
MAUREEN: I've got something you boys might want to see.
McGee always emptied his pockets on my dresser.
He left this.
It's an address.
Might be one of Jimmy's places, or maybe Donny's.
I don't know, but it might help you find him.
CLAY: Thanks.
I'm sorry about your old man.
MAUREEN: I know.
CLAY: You should have this.
MAUREEN: Thank you.
JAX: All right, nuns'll be there soon.
I'm gonna grab one of the Irish, have him navigate.
GEMMA: I'm going with you.
JAX: Mom... GEMMA: I'm going with you!
JAX: Mom, can you just...?
BOBBY: You're gonna need the truck to get the baby home.
CLAY: Let her go.
Please... don't k*ll anybody.
OPIE: Let's go. We'll go run down this address.
JAX: You take Bobby.
Me and Ope can handle the nuns.
CLAY: You just get our boy. We'll worry about the Irish.
(Donny sighs in agony)
DONNY: That's about an hour's drive.
JIMMY: We've anyone left we can trust down in Newry?
DONNY: Probably.
We just don't have enough time to find out who they are.
You reach out to the Russians?
JIMMY: Aye. I talked to Putlova.
They're offering me safe haven for a price.
DONNY: Good.
We better go. JIMMY: Yeah.
(Donny panting)
DONNY: What about him?
JIMMY: Sean?
Wake up, lad.
Wake up!
SEAN: I see you.
DONNY: Oh, great.
DONNY: Who do you think has to clean that up?
JIMMY: You?
BOBBY: Shit!
Sean Casey.
JAX: Checking...Teeth?
CLAY: They tortured him before they k*lled him.
CHIBS: Shit.
Fiona, Kerrianne.
They've tortured this poor bastard to find where Kellan's keeping him.
CLAY: Call Juice.
Tell him to bring him to the alley.
CHIBS: Shit. Shit.
JACOB: Yeah, I know where his office is.
You have uniforms drag me in here at 4:00 in the morning?
Are you out of your g*dd*mn mind?
UNSER: Guess I'm just abusing the power, while I still got it.
JACOB: It was out of my hands.
UNSER: It was a unanimous vote.
Means you didn't do shit to stop it.
You lied to me, sold out my whole department.
JACOB: Too much has happened. There was nothing I could do.
Charming made its own decision.
UNSER: You, uh, heard about Lumpy Feldstein?
Passed tonight.
Internal bleeding.
JACOB: That's awful. I'm sorry to hear that.
UNSER: Not so awful for you.
Now that strip of Liberty Street frees up for your development deal.
The one you paved the way for during your tenure on city council.
JACOB: I have my hands in a lot of local development ventures, Chief.
That's what I do.
Maybe you should focus on what you do and find Lumpy's k*ller.
UNSER: Not getting nowhere on that Mayan lead.
But I know for a fact that Lumpy was refusing to sell his gym.
Seems whoever wanted that space might have more motive to make him go away.
JACOB: So you're suggesting that the suspects are a group of civil servants and businessmen?
And you wonder why the vote was was unanimous.
(baby cooing)
GUARD: Straight on through.
JAX: Sister?
MIRIAM: Father Ashby said you'd be coming by.
JAX: Where's my son?
MIRIAM: Please, come in and have a seat.
GEMMA: Where's Abel?
MIRIAM: He was given to a family two days ago.
JAX: What family?
Where is he now?
MIRIAM: Look, I don't have that information.
JAX: Then who does?
MIRIAM: An independent mediator protects everyone's anonymity.
JAX: Tell me where my son is!
GUARD: Sir.
JAX: Back off!
MIRIAM: I'm sorry.
OPIE: If they took Abel two days ago, Kellan knew he was gone.
JAX: That son of a bitch.
I'm gonna k*ll him.
(Gemma groans)
GEMMA: Wait a sec, guys.
JAX: Mom?
GEMMA: Hold on.
Just need a second.
Back up!
Over there!
You bring me that baby.
The kid!
MIRIAM: What are you doing?
(baby crying)
JAX: Mom!
GEMMA: You know the story of King Solomon, right, Sister?
MIRIAM: Yes.
GEMMA: If I was that mother, I'd rather have a half d*ad kid than watch someone else raise my flesh and blood.
You understand where I'm going with this?
And you've got to have done some research on those step parents.
So we both know that this
"anonymous" thing is bullshit.
Now, you are gonna tell us where our grandson is, or I swear to God, I will cut this baby in half.
MIRIAM: Get the file.
(baby crying)
Katey and Mark Petrie.
We do a four-day transition period.
Parents stay local to make sure it's a good fit.
JAX: Where is he now?
MIRIAM: The Europa Hotel.
OPIE: Not a word to the priest or the Petries, or we tell the cops about this little baby factory you've got going, you understand?
MIRIAM: Don't hurt them.
JAX: I just want my son back.
I should scope it out myself.
GEMMA: Take this child.
MIRIAM: Oh, love.
(Miriam cooing)
(baby crying)
(classical music plays over P.A.)
(elevator bell dings)
(baby crying)
MARK: Hey, excuse me? Uh, can we get a taxi?
STAHL: Agent Tyler? UNSER: Right.
What do you need?
STAHL: St. Thomas Hospital reported that its chief administrator Margaret Murphy and Dr. Tara Knowles are missing.
County Sheriff's on the case.
UNSER: Missing?
I didn't know.
What has this got to do with the A*F?
STAHL: We're back on the real IRA-NorCal g*n connection.
I know that the Sons are in Belfast, and I'm beginning to worry that they may have pissed off the wrong Irishmen.
UNSER: You think the IRA took Tara?
STAHL: Well, I don't know, but my bosses thought that it would be a good idea to talk to the club members that are still here, and I figured you'd be the best way into that.
Not so sure about that.
All right, uh, give me a minute to finish up.
TYLER: What the hell is this?
The Sons are in Belfast?
I thought we were here to follow up on Gemma.
What's going on, June?
I know you've been talking to Jax Teller.
STAHL: I'm going to tell you something that comes down from two levels above me, so you have to keep it to yourself.
TYLER: Of course.
STAHL: I made a deal with Jax Teller to deliver Jimmy O'Phelan.
Gets his club reduced time on the federal g*n charges.
TYLER: What about Gemma's statement?
STAHL: She fled.
You think that anything she says is going to hold weight, huh?
Come on, baby. This is huge, okay?
It's good for both of us.
You rise right along with me.
Don't worry.
(door opens)
UNSER: Am I, uh, interrupting something?
TYLER: No.
STAHL: That give you a little stiffie, Wayne?
(Unser sighs)
TIG: Yeah, Emerson Park.
Yeah, I know where that is.
No. No way.
No way. We're going to need more time.
SALAZAR: I don't give a shit what you need.
Be there in an hour.
TIG: We k*lled Alvarez last night.
You got that confirmation, right?
SALAZAR: Yeah.
TIG: Well, who do you think the cops are going to come to first, man, okay?
They're going to come here. We got to be smart.
We got to deal with them and make sure they don't tail us.
SALAZAR: Noon.
Garbage can between the two big grill pits.
You don't show, they're d*ad.
Call this number after the drop.
TIG: All right.
Bought us a few more hours.
CHUCKY: Hey, Tig, I might be able to help.
PINEY: No, not now, Chuck.
KOZIK: Dude, you were right about the cops.
TIG: Come on.
STAHL: Tara Knowles is missing.
Nearly two days.
But you already knew that.
Does Jax Teller know?
TIG: No, he doesn't, and we're gonna keep it that way.
STAHL: Okay. Well, we would like to help.
UNSER: If you guys know anything... TIG: Really?
None of you did shit to find Abel.
You care about Tara now?
KOZIK: Tig... we got no choice.
Hector Salazar, he's the one who took Tara and her boss.
UNSER: Calaveras? Why?
TIG: We made some new Mexi alliances, didn't fall in favor with Salazar.
KOZIK: His ransom was us k*lling Alvarez and stealing 250K from his home safe.
TIG: Which, of course, we didn't do.
KOZIK: We got Alvarez to play d*ad for the day.
STAHL: But you still need the cash. TIG: Yeah.
STAHL: Well, we can help you with that.
TIG: All right.
STAHL: Great. You stay here, we'll let you know the next move.
Let's go.
TYLER: This has nothing to do with the Irish; it's the g*dd*mn Mexicans.
STAHL: You know what, I need Jax to focus on Jimmy O.
If saving Tara from some psycho w*tback protects that deal, then that's exactly what we do.
TIG: Unser.
UNSER: Hey.
Sorry about Lumpy.
PINEY: Yeah. Us, too.
UNSER: Can you... pour me one?
PINEY: Scotch. Bottom shelf. You guys were right about Lumpy. It wasn't the Mayans. I found out Hale's involved in the development deal done on Liberty Street. I knew it. I did, I knew it. I have not a lot of evidence, but Hale's involved. He knows something. So do we. Salazar's the one who k*lled Lumpy. You got proof for that? This is street logic. Lumpy said the guy who att*cked him was Mexican. Claimed that the b*at down was Mayan. While the Mexican was carrying a grudge against Alvarez and SAMCRO. We need Salazar alive. He can prove Hale's dirty. Then we can bury that lying son of a bitch.
GEMMA: What happened?
Where's the baby? Where's Abel?
JAX: I need to talk to you alone.
MAUREEN: Upstairs.
GEMMA: What's going on? You're scaring me, Jackson.
JAX: I found Abel.
GEMMA: He's there? Well, we got to go get him.
JAX: I let him go, Mom.
GEMMA: What?!
What are you talking about?
JAX: Dad's manuscript.
It wasn't about changing the club.
It was about changing his legacy.
I don't belong here, Mom.
And neither does Abel.
GEMMA: Where is my grandson?
JAX: He's with a father... who didn't t*rture and m*rder a man yesterday.
GEMMA: I don't care...if you've k*lled a hundred men... he is your son!
JAX (whispers): He's gone.
GEMMA: And what are you gonna tell your other son... when he asks what happened to his big brother?!
Tara's pregnant.
JAX: How do you know that?
GEMMA: I knew it before she even told me... she's two months along.
(knocking on door)
MAUREEN: Sorry.
(door creaks open)
What happened? What is it?
KELLAN: Clay called, said Fiona and Kerrianne were in danger.
Told us to meet here.
What happened, son?
You're the one who's twisted him up.
What the hell did you say to him?
(motorcycles rumbling)
JUICE: What's going on?
CLAY: Sean Casey's d*ad.
They tortured him for information.
Had to be for Fiona's location.
KERRIANNE: Daddy!
KELLAN: It's not for Fi, it's for the baby.
CLAY: Abel? Why?
KELLAN: Jimmy needs a way out of the country.
JAX: What?
KELLAN: He's gonna use your child for leverage.
JAX: The hotel.
Come on!
BOBBY: Juice, Happy, Chibs, stay here, keep an eye out for Jimmy.
CHIBS: On it.
JAX: Go.
Holy shit.
GEMMA: Oh, shit.
Where is he?
Abel?
BOBBY: Nothing.
CLAY: We got to get out of here.
Now.
JAX: I did this.
OPIE: Come on, brother.
JAX: You should all go.
CLAY: Gemma.
OPIE: Go on. I got him.
GEMMA: Come on.
Jimmy has your son.
He's reached out for counsel.
Wants safe passage to the States in exchange for the boy.
I've advised they'd make the deal.
So what happens now?
The counsel considers it, Probably wants to meet with you.
Till then, we wait.
CLAY: None of this shit would have happened if you told us where he was when we first got here.
KELLAN: I'm trying to help this family.
CLAY: Help us?
Are you serious?
JAX: Hey, hey... CLAY: Are you serious?!
JAX: It's not his fault.
It's my mistake.
I'm done listening to d*ad men.
But don't pretend you were trying to help us.
Greater good or not, we were just a means to your own end.
You don't give a shit about this family.
And the John Teller you knew 20 years ago, he didn't give a shit either.
LUISA: Hey bitch! Shit quick.
You got five minutes.
(motorcycle approaching)
BOY: Did you see that?
BOY 2: Dude, grab it.
TIG: Hey!
BOY: Come on, go, go, go!
TIG: Come here!
AGENT: Is that the pick up?
Is he the mule?
STAHL: I don't know.
Follow them.
ESTEVEZ: Hold it!
TYLER: Stop, stop!
Federal agents!
TYLER: Kid's shaking us.
He's getting away.
STAHL: Are you kidding me?
TYLER: Where'd he go?
What happened to the kids?
TIG: That's Salazar, man.
He just spotted us.
TYLER: Shit!
(Tyler panting)
Salazar made us.
A late model red sedan headed towards Commerce.
STAHL: Oh, my God!
You're all idiots.
All units converge on Commerce entrance.
Suspect is in a late model red sedan.
Pursue and intercept now.
God!
(cell phone rings)
LUISA: Hector.
SALAZAR: It was a set-up.
There were cops waiting for me.
LUISA: Little bitches!
(Luisa gasps)
(Luisa screaming)
(Luisa moaning and coughing)
WOMAN: Should I hold him?
STAHL: No.
Just let him go, let him go.
WOMAN: Copy.
STAHL: We picked up the money and the bicycle thief.
He wasn't a mule.
TIG: Yeah, no shit.
That's why I went after him.
PINEY: And Salazar?
STAHL: We were too late.
We lost him.
TIG: He's going to k*ll the girls now.
STAHL: You know what?
You're the one who went off plan, assh*le.
You ran us right into Salazar.
KOZIK: He was protecting the drop!
STAHL: You know what?
We could have caught that kid and still had time to put the money back in that can.
This shit pile's all yours.
STAHL: Come on.
MARGARET: Did you call 911?
TARA: No, there's no phone.
So let's just get out of here.
(Margaret gasps)
SALAZAR: Drop the g*n.
TARA: No.
You drop it.
SALAZAR: Luisa!
Luisa!
TARA: She's bleeding out in the bathroom.
(Luisa moaning)
SALAZAR: Oh, shit.
TARA: You need me to keep her alive.
LUISA: Please help me.
Please help me, help me... SALAZAR: You do something.
TARA: Only if you let her go.
MARGARET: Tara... TARA: Let her leave and I'll save Luisa.
(Luisa whimpering, Salazar muttering)
Okay, all right.
Okay, first... First we get Luisa in the car.
We'll get her out of here.
Then she can go.
Oh, my God, baby.
Oh, babe... TARA: If he reneges, sh**t him.
SALAZAR: Come on, help me!
DOOLEY: We'll allow Jimmy a safe passage out of Ireland to secure the safety of your son.
You and Kellan will make the exchange at the docks.
There's a boat waiting for Jimmy, to take him to an airfield in County Down.
CLAY: Jimmy's no idiot.
How does he know after he hands over our kid you ain't gonna g*n him down?
KELLAN: There are assurances in place.
BROGAN: We'll need something in return.
JAX: What?
BROGAN: We know Jimmy's reached out to the Russians in Northern California.
CLAY: The ones we've been muling your g*n to?
BROGAN: Aye.
There will be a short window of time when Jimmy will be there.
You need to k*ll him before he exiles someplace where we can't find him.
ROARKE: Comes with rewards.
We're willing to significantly expanse you g*n business.
Jimmy lost sight of our goals, but we need the income he generated.
We are hoping the Sons might be willing to trade on that need.
CLAY: And what's that end up looking like?
ROARKE: Access to our full arsenal.
AR15s, MP5s, RPGs, everything.
DOOLEY: Plus Jimmy's rolodex.
All his contacts in the western U.S.
Means pulling up more charters, creating more alliances, organizing.
You think the reaper is up to that challenge?
CLAY: Yeah.
I think we can help you out.
JOHN: Dear Mo, I don't know what I'd do without you.
These letters are the only thing keeping me sane.
I'm so lost here in Charming.
Nothing feels familiar.
The club, my family... Everyone's a stranger.
My grief and introspection terrifies them, drives Gemma mad, and Clay's pity has moved into profound loathing.
I see my best friend and my wife growing closer and closer.
I have no jealousy, truly.
I feel nothing, not even fear.
And I know I should be afraid.
DONNY: Hands up.
Father?
(Abel fussing)
JAX: Hey.
Hey.
(Abel fusses)
JIMMY: He's a sweet lad.
I wanted the good priest to return him right away.
He's the one that kept him from his da, forced this situation.
DONNY: Let's go, Father.
JAX: Wait a minute.
Where you going?
JIMMY: Making the exchange.
The only way I get out of here alive is with a hostage.
JAX: You agreed to this?
He's gonna k*ll you.
KELLAN: Be well, my son. DONNY: Come on.
(engine starts)
JAX: I'll never let anyone take you from me again.
I love you.
TIG: What's going on? What the hell happened?
UNSER: Tara got a sh*t at the girlfriend, cut her pretty bad.
She made a deal with Salazar that she'd keep the girl alive if he cut loose Margaret.
KOZIK: He's still got Tara? UNSER: I'm afraid so.
STAHL: He had them at his aunt's house.
Foreclosure.
We went through it top to bottom... it's empty.
Still have an APB out on the car.
I'm sorry.
Mazel tov.
ALL: Mazel tov.
(all cheering)
CLAY: Welcome home, kid.
BOBBY: Mazel tov.
CHIBS: Hey, Slainte Gaelach.
BOBBY: Yep.
(all toasting in Gaelic)
BOBBY: And to you.
JUICE: All right, come on.
Let's go load the truck.
HAPPY: Absolutely.
OPIE: You h*t that?
JAX: No.
Didn't feel right.
BOBBY: Feels just about right to me. OPIE: Mm-hmm.
JAX: Dude, you're twice her age and three times her weight.
BOBBY: Yeah, so? OPIE: So?
(Jax and Opie laugh)
JAX: Get out of here, dirty old men.
BOBBY: What'd I do?
(Opie laughing)
TRINY: Your boy's beautiful.
JAX: Thank you.
You doing okay, darlin'?
TRINY: Yeah, I'm good...
"darlin'."
JAX: How's your mom?
MAUREEN: Hello?
Hey.
Hey.
I was wondering where you went.
I was just checking to make sure nobody left anything behind.
Thanks.
See you out there.
(Tara sighs)
TARA: I'm sorry.
She's gone.
(Salazar yells, Tara screams)
(Salazar grunts)
(Tara gasps and shrieks)
(door opens)
(phone rings)
CLAY: If that's Oswald's guy, tell him we'll be in Manchester by dawn.
BOBBY: Hello?
MAUREEN: Gemma.
GEMMA: Thank you.
JAX: Thank you.
MAUREEN: Take care of him.
JAX: You know it.
MAUREEN: To a safe home, eh?
JAX: Yeah.
BOBBY: All right, I will.
Yeah... It's not Oswald's guy.
Jax.
It's Tig.
JAX: What?
BOBBY: You're gonna want to hear this.
JAX: Yeah? | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "03x11 - Bainne"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy:
STAHL: It's Gemma's statement about what happened with Polly and Edmund at the safe house. If you want her cleared of the homicide, get her on board.
GEMMA: This is from Stahl. Do not get in bed with this bitch.
JAX: I'm telling you, this is what you need to do to protect SAMCRO.
GEMMA: So, Polly, she had a g*n. I sh*t first. k*ll or be k*lled. Then this A*F agent walked out of the back room.
WRIGHT: Can you identify the agent?
GEMMA: It was her.
WRIGHT: Agent Tyler?
TYLER: I know you've been talking to Jax Teller.
STAHL: I made a deal with Jax Teller to deliver Jimmy O'Phelan.
TYLER: What about Gemma's statement?
STAHL: You think that anything she says is going to hold weight? Come on, baby. This is huge, okay?
BROGAN: We know Jimmy's reached out the the Russians in Northern California.
CLAY: The, uh, ones we've been muling your g*n to?
BROGAN: Aye.
You need to k*ll him before he exiles someplace where we can't find him.
SALAZAR: Baby?
(tape recorder beeps on)
Ashamed of doing business with me?
JACOB: You were supposed to scare Lumpy, not b*at him half to death.
This is blackmail.
MARGARET: God, I'm so sorry.
LUISA: Hey, I know you. You're Jax Teller's girl, right?
TARA: Yeah. Who are you?
LUISA: I'm his girl.
(Luisa gasps)
TARA: Let her leave, and I'll save Luisa.
I'm sorry. She's gone.
BOBBY: It's Tig. JAX: What?
BOBBY: You're going to want to hear this. JAX: Yeah?
TIG: Hey, boys. Welcome home.
CLAY: Hey. TIG: Welcome home.
Come on. All of you.
CHIBS: Okay. Good to see you, Tig.
GEMMA: Aw.
JAX: Anything on Tara? TIG: No, brother.
I just talked to Unser. There's nothing new. I'm sorry.
JAX: All right. TIG: Okay. Come on.
JAX: What's that? TIG: Prospects spent all night on it.
A*F, Charming PD are digging into Salazar.
They talked to that aunt who owned that house, and they're rattling a few of the Calaveras.
So far, they got nothing.
CLAY: All right. I'll check in with Unser.
You see where Stahl is at.
KOZIK: We got a complication. TIG: Yeah.
Alvarez found out that the cops are all over Salazar.
Now, if Hector gets picked up, he could seriously blow a whistle on this heroin operation.
JAX: If the Mayans are looking for Salazar, they're not gonna give a shit about protecting Tara.
CLAY: Call Alvarez and set up a meeting.
And, uh, let's find this aunt who owns the house.
Maybe we can convince her to share some info on little Hector.
(Kozik talking indistinctly)
BOBBY: Well, that seems better. CLAY: Good.
'Cause we're gonna need Kozik.
And you, we're gonna have to get up to the cabin.
You got to get out of sight.
GEMMA: No. I want to stay here.
BOBBY: Piney's already up there, waiting for you.
GEMMA: Ooh, let him wait. BOBBY: Gem.
GEMMA: Nobody knows I'm back.
I just want to sleep in my own bed.
JAX: We'll lock down the garage. She'll be safe.
CLAY (sighs): Okay. For now.
JAX: I'm gonna dump my shit, and we'll go, yeah?
Take the baby.
Sure.
Bye, sweetie. I'll be right back.
LYLA: Hi.
OPIE: Hey, baby.
A little champion to be born.
Ain't he a little cutie.
(Abel cooing)
(door opens)
JAX: Hey.
GEMMA: Don't get used to staying here.
You're going home with your son and your old lady.
JAX: Yes, ma'am. GEMMA: Hey, sit down.
(Jax sighs)
I need you to tell me what's going on with Stahl.
JAX: Ma, we've been through this.
GEMMA: You're doing this for me, Jackson.
I think I got a right to know.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: You'll find out soon enough. You have to trust me.
GEMMA: I can't protect you from Clay if he finds out.
And if you go to jail with them knowing you're a rat, you'll be d*ad in a day.
JAX: Look, I promise, everyone is going to be okay.
(door closes)
(Salazar grunting, banging car)
(panting)
(chuckling)
GEMMA: This way.
OPIE: Wait here, baby.
There you go, my beautiful boy.
Can I ask you something?
Sure, honey.
Lyla and me...
I think she's sweet.
Seems good with her kid.
OPIE: Yeah, she is.
GEMMA: But she earns her living catching come in her mouth, and I'm sensing that's a problem for you.
OPIE: Donna begged me to give up the life.
I guess now I know how that feels.
I got no right to ask her to give it up.
GEMMA: No.
Unless you marry her.
She needs security, Ope.
Marry her.
My guess is, she starts working with her legs shut.
UNSER: I'm really glad you found the kid. CLAY: Yeah, thanks.
UNSER: Gemma?
(Clay sighs)
CLAY: Bail hearing is set for two days from now.
I don't know when I'm gonna see her again.
She ain't going anywhere.
UNSER: Okay. I'll make sure we stay clear.
CLAY: So, Tig fills me in on Hale and the department. Sanwa Sheriffs.
That a done deal?
UNSER: If I can tie Hale to Lumpy's death, we got a sh*t at keeping Charming PD.
Sheriffs take over Charming, and... it's a different town.
A whole new ball game for SAMCRO.
CLAY: So, how we do we prove that Hale's dirty?
UNSER: We gotta take Salazar alive.
Ratting on Hale is the first card he'll play.
CLAY: Okay. I'll make sure my guys know.
CLAY: Thanks for Gemma. UNSER: Yeah.
(phone ringing)
STAHL: Look who it is. My favorite frequent fliers.
JAX: I'll meet you back at the club house.
STAHL: Where's O'Phelan?
JAX: M.I.A. Just like Tara.
STAHL: All right, look. Salazar is still in the area.
We've got it locked down. We will find her.
Yeah, I know that you're taking a bit of an emotional beating here, Jax, and I'm sorry about that, but you and I have a lot at stake here.
JAX: The Irish gave Jimmy safe passage out of Belfast in exchange for my kid.
He's up north with the Russians.
STAHL: Putlova? JAX: Yeah.
We're into him. We got a brother in maximum security. Lenny the Pimp.
STAHL: Lenny Janowitz. The scumbag who k*lled three A*F agents?
JAX: Allegedly. Lenny's got direct ties to the Russians.
He's a real source.
But he's got no visitation rights, so we gotta use Otto to reach out to him.
STAHL: Otto's in the hole. JAX: He's out tomorrow.
If you can arrange for Lenny and Otto to get some yard time together we might get a lead on where Putlova has Jimmy stashed.
STAHL: All right, well, I'll see what I can do.
In the meantime, I'd like you to take a look at these.
Former high-ranking leaders of the IRA now make up the ruling council of the real IRA.
Did you have any contact with any of these guys?
JAX: Few of them look familiar.
I'll be able to focus when Tara's safe.
STAHL: We don't have time for this.
JAX: The sooner we find Tara, the sooner I find Jimmy.
JIMMY: Belfast is just a portal.
The g*n come from four or five different sources.
I still have all those relationships.
You'll be one of the biggest distributors of w*apon in the northwest.
VIKTOR: That's a very big promise, Jimmy.
JIMMY: Once I'm set up in Santa Catarina, we can work out the details.
VIKTOR: Securing your passage to South America means pulling in a lot of favors and paying off some very influential people.
It's a big risk for us.
I'm aware of that.
VIKTOR: Good, because we want our compensation up front. The full two million.
JIMMY: It was supposed to be 500 down, and the rest once I'm in Brazil.
I don't have that kind of cash here.
DONNY: We can probably pull together 700K, maybe 750.
JIMMY: I'll give you the g*n for cost, plus 20 for the first year.
VIKTOR: Cost, plus zero for the first six months.
Then if all goes well, cost plus ten for the next two years.
JIMMY: Fine. Make the arrangements.
We'll be back with the 750.
VIKTOR: I think you should stay here.
Your associate can make the collections.
JIMMY: Yeah, well, it'll go a lot quicker if I'm the one doing it.
VIKTOR: I'm not in any hurry.
You're lucky to have such a loyal man.
Be so easy for him to collect that cash and just disappear.
DONNY: How long of a drive is it to Vegas?
(Viktor laughs)
(others laugh)
UNSER: I just wanted to come by and make sure you're okay.
GEMMA: Yeah. Just last week, you were pulling a g*n on me.
UNSER: Technically, I pulled it on Tig. GEMMA: Right.
UNSER: Everything's shit side up, sweetheart.
This last year or so, this-this town... this...
It can't catch its breath.
GEMMA: It'll settle. It always does.
UNSER: Not this time.
It's all going away.
I'm sorry.
GEMMA: It's okay. UNSER: Uh-uh.
GEMMA: It's okay.
(Unser clears his throat)
GEMMA: Jax is in trouble.
Cut some kind of deal with Stahl.
UNSER: What's he giving her? GEMMA: I'm not sure.
UNSER: Well, the A*F's on this thing with Tara.
Stahl's working out of the station house.
I could, uh... I could talk to her, feel her out.
GEMMA: No. No, better not.
Everyone needs to really focus on-on finding Tara.
UNSER: Well, you're right. Okay.
Thanks for the chat.
GEMMA: Welcome back.
(Unser laughs)
CLAY: Marcus. ALVAREZ: Hey.
You find your boy?
JAX: Yeah, thanks. ALVAREZ: That's good.
I know why you want to talk.
JAX: Salazar has my old lady.
ALVAREZ: And I'm sorry about that, but I got to cop for my family, too.
Salazar's a thr*at to me and my club. He's got to die.
CLAY: Salazar's got a much bigger card to play than you.
He's running dirty errands for Jacob Hale.
We bring him in alive, yeah, it keeps Tara safe, but it also protects the heroin trade.
ALVAREZ: What are you talking about?
Think of Hale becomes mayor?
Charming turns into suburban Disneyland.
All protected by corporate-fortified county sheriff's department.
ALVAREZ: Salazar wants me d*ad, he'll give me and the heroin up just to watch us burn.
Look, I don't want to see the doctor get hurt, but her safety... it ain't my priority.
BOBBY: (bleep) Out! Out! Don't kick...
Do I have to listen to you anymore? No.
If I have to listen to one more word of this...
(woman speaking Spanish)
(man shouting)
CLAY: Anything?
BOBBY: Jesus, no. I... Her name's Ramona, I think.
I can't understand a word she says.
CLAY: Nobody speaks Spanish? Nothing?
JUICE: I'm a Puerto Rican from Queens. I speak better Yiddish.
(Alvarez speaks Spanish)
(Ramona speaks Spanish)
(speaking Spanish)
(Ramona gasps)
(Alvarez speaking Spanish)
CLAY: What are we doing here?
(Ramona speaking Spanish)
(Alvarez speaking Spanish)
(Ramona speaking Spanish)
(Ramona sighs)
ALVAREZ: Let's go. JAX: Come on, let's stay with him.
ALVAREZ: Check the house. You take the road.
ALVAREZ: Ese! You'd better come see this!
OPIE: Shit.
(heavy sigh)
GEMMA: Office supplies? CHUCKY: No.
I really have to show this to you.
GEMMA: Not a good time, Chucky.
(Gemma sighs)
Need you to open the back gate for me.
CHUCKY: Where are you going?
GEMMA: I got to, uh, test-drive this Beamer.
Quality assurance.
CHUCKY: You're lying to me, right? GEMMA: That's right.
Now open the gate.
VIKTOR: You worry too much, Jimmy. JIMMY: Aye.
If Donny can't come up with the cash, I'm going to have to reach out to other people.
It'll mean me venturing out from your lovely hospitality here.
VIKTOR: You're a man in a very dire situation.
The Feds, your Irish brothers, a lot of people want you.
If you leave here, there are too many things that could go wrong.
And you simply know too much about us.
JIMMY: Jesus, Viktor, I'm not gonna get caught, and if I did, I'm not a rat.
VIKTOR: I know that, and I want nothing more than to continue our relationship.
But the only way that can happen is if we get you safely to South America.
And to do that, I need the money.
GEMMA: Get in the car. STAHL: Really?
GEMMA: g*n.
GEMMA: What are you doing with Jax? STAHL: What did he tell you?
GEMMA: Nothing. Which means it's bad.
STAHL: Your son has his priorities.
Family.
GEMMA: My son isn't thinking straight.
And I'm sure whatever he's got cooking with you is only gonna hurt this family.
STAHL: What do you want? GEMMA: k*ll the deal.
STAHL: It's not your decision.
GEMMA: k*ll the deal, or I turn myself in to the U.S. Attorney and tell him my statement was a pack of lies you fed me.
I'm sure that agent you're hanging all the blame on will have no problem backing me up on that.
STAHL: You have no idea what you're stepping on here, Gemma.
GEMMA: End the deal... or I end your career.
Now, get out.
(Gemma's car tires squealing)
(Tyler's car door slamming)
TYLER: What the hell was that? STAHL: Nothing.
TYLER: Gemma's a fugitive. We got to call it in.
STAHL: No, we don't.
TYLER: June... STAHL: Shut up and get in the car!
(indistinct police radio chatter)
BOBBY: Left it pretty bad with her, didn't you?
JAX: We got to find her, Bobby. BOBBY: Yeah.
Well, we just traveled halfway around the world to get your boy.
Tara should be a walk in the park.
JAX: Anything?
UNSER: Uh, looks like the girlfriend bled out, other victim was bludgeoned.
Laurie Allen.
Never made it home from work.
CLAY: Salazar k*lled her for the ride.
UNSER: Probably. Gray Lexus. We put out an APB.
SALAZAR: Ramona... R-Ramona... (speaking Spanish) (continues in Spanish) Adios.
KARA: Dr. Knowles.
TARA: We need to see Jacob.
JACOB: I need that spec sheet.
SALAZAR: Inside! (grunts) Let Charming know they got themselves a hostage situation.
CLAY: What's happening?
UNSER: Uh, sheriff's taking over. Negotiator's setting up a call with Salazar.
JAX: If it was Tara who k*lled this girl, a negotiator ain't gonna do shit.
Jax, they know what they're doing.
JAX: Salazar's gonna hurt her!
STAHL: All right, all right, look, as far we know, Tara is fine.
If he was gonna hurt her, he would have done so already.
Now, we will get her back.
CLAY: You need to keep it together, son.
JAX: Yeah.
(motorcycle engines rumbling)
BOBBY: What are we gonna do about them?
Shit.
Buy 'em some popcorn. Ain't nothin' any of us are gonna be able to do now.
SALAZAR: They're gonna be calling any minute.
You're gonna do the talking. Write this down.
I want a police vehicle.
Like, um... like a SWAT van. Something secure.
And I want enough food, water and gas to get to Tecate.
TARA: Mexico? SALAZAR: No. New Zealand.
What do you think, bitch?
I want to go to clear of cops and safe passage over the border.
JACOB: And let me guess... a suitcase full of money.
SALAZAR: No, there's only one other thing I want.
(phone rings)
(police radio chatter)
CLAY: You got his demands? UNSER: Yeah.
He wants a free ride to cartel country.
Gonna give us Hale for that.
JAX: What about Tara?
UNSER: He only lets her go if he can trade her for you.
JAX: Let's do it. CHIBS: Jackie.
The minute he sees your face, he'll g*n you down.
CLAY: He's right. I'm not gonna let you take that chance.
JAX: Salazar needs a hostage to get out of there alive.
He ain't gonna k*ll me.
STAHL: It's too risky, and it's against policy. I'm gonna call in the FBI.
We'll let tactical handle it, all right?
JAX: Look, he's desperate... he ain't gonna give us time to plan. I'm doing this.
SHERIFF: All right, there's only two ways out if this goes south.
Front door here... and a f*re exit out the back alley.
UNSER: I think we should load up the back.
That's the way he'll go.
STAHL: I'm gonna call in for more agents.
Why don't you let us take the back with local PD, and you can run tactical from here.
SHERIFF: That's fine by me. STAHL: Let's go.
SHERIFF: Tell them to make the call.
They're sending in Jax.
You're gonna k*ll him.
First I'm gonna k*ll you.
He can watch. And then I'm gonna k*ll him.
Come on! Come on!
Shut the door.
Get'em up.
Come on, come on!
Sit down!
I said sit down!
Let her go!
You don't tell me what to do!
Get up. Get up!
TARA: Okay, okay.
SALAZAR: I watched my girl bleed out and die.
Hey!
(s*ab, Salazar groans)
JAX: Hey. TARA: What?
JAX: You k*ll anyone that's not a cop.
JAX: They're in the office.
(Salazar yelling)
(glass shattering)
SHERIFF: Salazar's on the run; looks like the hostages are safe.
Watch the exits, people. He's gonna be moving.
STAHL: All right, sounds like he's headed to the front.
You guys back up the sheriffs. We got this.
Okay. Let's go. Out front.
STAHL: Come with me.
JAX: Nowhere left to run, bro.
Put the ax down, and I'll let you walk out of here alive.
SALAZAR: That's... that's bullshit.
JAX: It's not bullshit. You got dirt on Hale.
We want to see that prick burn.
I let you walk out of here, and you got to rat him out.
Come on, bro.
SWAT! Open up!
(s*ab, Salazar groaning)
(ax slicing, Jax groans)
He came at me with the ax. I had no choice.
(exhales sharply)
SHERIFF: Ten-four. Copy that.
(radio chirps)
Salazar att*cked Teller with a f*re ax. Teller k*lled him with his own Kn*fe.
CHIBS: All right, Jackie. BOBBY: That's some good news.
Sorry.
UNSER: Salazar's a 926. All the hostages are safe.
Let's bring it in, kids.
STAHL: Shit. TYLER: What is it?
STAHL: I've got a situation here!
Three Mexican males... maybe Mayan. We're pinned down.
(g*n)
Shit!
Agent down! I repeat, agent down!
Officers responding.
(Tyler gasping and groaning)
STAHL: Shh... shh-shh-shh.
Shh.
Just go, baby. Just go.
(hurried footfalls)
UNSER: Agent Stahl.
(police radio chatter)
Agent Stahl?!
Help me!
Over here.
(siren wailing)
Somebody help me!
(fetal heartbeat)
DOCTOR: Here.
Strong heartbeat.
Looks healthy.
(ultrasound monitor beeps off)
TARA: Thank you.
(Tara sighs)
(door closes)
HALE: I believe if I hadn't acted, all three of us would be d*ad.
And because of the ongoing investigation, I can't say any more about the case, but I do want to say...
UNSER: You doing okay?
MARGARET: Yes, thank you.
MARGARET: I'm so glad you're safe.
TARA: I'm so sorry. MARGARET: It's okay.
Thank you.
UNSER: Our conquering hero.
HALE: ...of the complete disregard these criminals...
UNSER: According to him, he brought down Salazar single-handed.
(Jax scoffs)
After this, Oswald would be an idiot to run against him.
JAX: Yeah. I'm sorry that didn't go the other way.
UNSER: Hmm. Well, I guess, uh, it's time to retire.
JAX: My mom's doing a breakfast tomorrow.
You should come by.
UNSER: I'd like that.
HALE: ... to City Hall as mayor.
CLAY: Whatever happens with these charges, we're looking at time.
Now we've got a game changer with this new Irish opportunity.
I'm not going to let that slip through my fingers, even if I've got to run it out of Stockton yard.
Which means SAMCRO is gonna need some bodies to make this happen.
We've got six guys willing to make the transfer.
BOBBY: Voting them in is going to have to take place after we're on the inside.
CLAY: Which means we got to vote in a new member before we go away.
We need Kozik to stay whole.
Jax and Piney's proxies, yea.
Me, yea.
TIG: No.
Sorry, can't do it.
(Tara sobbing)
JAX: Here.
TARA: Hi.
Hi.
JAX: The baby's fine.
GEMMA: I know.
(Tara laughing)
DONNY: 712.
It's everything I could get.
Sorry.
VIKTOR: And you had no faith.
(laughing)
STAHL: Everybody okay?
JAX: Yeah. You?
STAHL: Getting through it.
I, uh, I have to give my statement to our I.A. group.
JAX: I'm sorry about Tyler.
STAHL: Yeah...
Look, you and I need to finish what we started here, Jax.
JAX: I know.
STAHL: We just got word that Jimmy O is draining his shadow accounts out here.
He's gonna jump.
Then set up a meeting with Lenny and Otto.
We'll find Jimmy.
Finish all this.
Well, let's just hope that that happens before your mother t*nk the whole thing.
She took me at g*n today.
Told me to k*ll the deal with you or she would turn herself in and tell the U.S. attorney that I made her lie under oath.
Oh, sorry. She is afraid of what will happen if the club finds out about this.
STAHL: Look, I promise they won't find out if we do it the right way.
Now, I need the real IRA council, all right?
You give me names, I clear your mother.
You give me Jimmy, I clear your club.
LYLA: It's nice up here.
OPIE: This was my grandmother's ring.
For the next few days, I got to do a few things, and...
I'm not sure how it's all going to land.
Everything's changing.
LYLA: What are you talking about?
OPIE: We should get married.
(motorcycle engines revving)
That's right.
I just can't get past it.
KOZIK: Yeah. Yeah.
TIG: Clay's gonna get Lee or someone down here to make a fourth guy.
Just come back while I'm inside... They'll vote you in.
KOZIK: No, I'm not going to slip in the back door like some kind of bitch.
TIG: Yeah, I know. I know.
Gonna need you to finish things up here.
KOZIK: All right. I'm here till it's done.
TIG: Thanks.
KOZIK: I loved her, too.
TIG: Hey, baby. Hey, baby.
STAHL: And, uh, then I returned f*re.
I don't know if I h*t anyone.
They ran to the car and took off.
It was a late-model gray Honda.
IAD OFFICER: Okay.
Were they wearing colors?
STAHL: No.
I wasn't close enough to see any ink, you know, so I couldn't tell if they part of the Calaveras or the Mayans or some other crew.
IAD OFFICER: Okay, good.
Um, anything else?
STAHL: Yes.
Uh-uh.
Um, I need to disclose something.
Agent Tyler and I were having a...
...relationship.
Romantic. It was new, so we didn't have time to document.
Which makes what I'm about to tell you that much more painful.
Amy... Agent Tyler... confessed something to me today before she died.
IAD OFFICER: What was the confession, Agent Stahl?
STAHL: It is about what happened last month at the safe house with Edmond Hayes.
IAD OFFICER: Continue.
STAHL: Uh, she was first on the scene.
I arrived, and she recounted what had happened.
I made the call, filed the report, because I'm primary and...
Well...
She told me today that it was all a lie.
What happened at the safe house?
STAHL: She got into an argument with Edmond Hayes.
He... h*t her.
And then he tried to escape.
And she sh*t him in the back.
Then she hid when Gemma Teller showed up.
And she witnessed Gemma k*ll Polly Zobelle in self-defense.
And then she decided to frame Gemma...
...for the m*rder of Edmond Hayes.
IAD OFFICER: To protect her from the dirty k*ll?
(Stahl sobbing)
(IAD Officer sighs)
STAHL: No. To protect me. She knew how important this case was to my career. And she didn't want to disappoint me.
IAD OFFICER: So everything in Gemma Teller's statement was true?
(Stahl sniffles)
STAHL: Yes. Gemma was wrongly charged. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "03x12 - June Wedding"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
TARA: Hey, you're here!
LINC: Sheriff Roosevelt. I'm Linc Potter. Assistant U.S. Attorney. You're here because you can be trusted and because we need you.
ELI: Count me in.
LINC: We'll be able to get the tape on Putlova buying and selling illegal arms. We will take down the ROC, and by association, the real IRA and the Sons of Anarchy.
ELI: Charming is now under the jurisdiction of the San Joaquin Sheriff Department. The next time I see any one of you who got out today wearing cuts, they'll belong to me.
TARA: It's beautiful.
JAX: We should get married. I'm done with SAMCRO. We're gonna take our boys, and we're gonna get the hell out of here, be a real family.
CHARLIE: Pronounce you man and wife.
(cheering)
OTTO: This is for Jax Teller.
(screaming)
JAX: Just business.
(water running)
(Clay sighs)
GEMMA: How you doing?
Didn't want to wake you.
CLAY: Mmm... It's good to be home.
(Gemma sighs)
CLAY: Made the papers.
GEMMA: Oh, yeah.
Four bodies out by Haleville.
CLAY: Just part of the process.
We're protected.
GEMMA: Not worried about that.
This fell out of one of Abel's coloring books.
He must have found it somewhere in Jax's house.
CLAY: Letters?
GEMMA: Maureen Ashby.
Trying to turn my son against me.
Bitch must have stuffed them in his bag when we left Belfast.
CLAY: And you think Jax read them?
GEMMA: Had to be Jax or Tara who found them.
Ah, this is JT wooing p*ssy.
Probably a bunch of love letters, some half-gay poems and shit.
GEMMA: Yeah, or a stack of hate.
John sharing his every woe and suspicion.
I am telling you, that Irish gash is reaching across the Atlantic.
CLAY: She can't hurt us.
And John can't hurt us.
GEMMA: John trusted her.
Had a g*dd*mn family with her.
There's no telling what he confided.
CLAY: This was real, it'd have blown up by now.
We're good.
So, don't go setting fires when there's nothing to burn.
You hear me?
GEMMA: I don't do that.
Not all the time.
(Clay chuckles)
I got to go.
There's oatmeal on the stove.
CLAY: Mmm, oatmeal.
GEMMA: Love you.
CLAY: Love you.
(door opens, then closes)
(TV playing quietly)
TARA: Okay, so Elyda comes at noon, and your mom watches them in the morning when I'm at work.
But I-I can change their schedule if you want.
JAX: No, I don't want to mess with their routine.
TARA: It's already a big help having you around.
Daddy.
TV REPORTER: ... Charming, California was rocked earlier this morning by a discovery of four bodies at a housing development.
Details are still coming in, but we have learned that the victims were sh*t multiple times.
TARA: Were you involved?
JAX: How much do you want to know?
REPORTER: ...suggesting associations with Russian organized... TARA: All of it.
JAX: It was retaliation for what happened to me in prison.
Russians.
We made... (knocking)
GEMMA: Ah, look at this perfect family.
OPIE: Kids are at school.
We should take advantage.
It's a honeymoon day.
LYLA: I have to go to work.
OPIE: Sooner we get you knocked up, the sooner you get to stop working.
LYLA: Dondo gets very fussy if his actors don't show.
He takes his girl-on-girl very seriously.
OPIE: Wouldn't want to upset the prince of labia.
LYLA: You hear the news?
They said those bodies they found were all Russians.
OPIE: Really?
LYLA: There were Russians at our wedding.
Were you guys part of this?
OPIE: No.
We're good with the Russians.
Not surprised though.
Those guys are mixed up in some crazy shit.
TARA: See you later.
JAX: See you later.
TARA: Yeah.
Bye.
(Gemma sighs)
GEMMA: Everything okay?
You know, with us.
JAX: What are you talking about?
GEMMA: I just... I just missed you so much.
JAX: We're fine, Mom.
GEMMA: I love you more than anything in this world, Jackson.
You know that, right?
JAX: I know.
GEMMA: Okay.
JAX: I love you, too, Mom.
GEMMA: Yeah.
JAX: See you later.
GEMMA: See you later.
(camera clicking)
(siren wailing in distance)
(indistinct police radio chatter)
LINC: I'm guessing there are another three or four d*ad Russians somewhere else in Charming this morning.
ELI: Not all Russians.
Sorry about Worski.
LINC: Yes, I know.
He was a good agent.
(garbled radio transmission)
They're all marked... LINC: Wow.
I did not see this coming.
It is through being wounded power grows and can, in the end, become tremendous.
ELI: Am I missing the upswing to this?
LINC: Bold. Bold.
They are growing bold.
Why? How?
Sons are a midsized club, barely in the top ten.
What empowers them to go head-to-head with the ROC, wipe out a whole damn Gulag?
ELI: Revenge.
LINC: They wouldn't have lasted this long if they were that stupid.
(phone ringing)
Ah, Mayor McCheese approaches.
Does it bother anyone in this town that their mayor is also their biggest developer?
JACOB: No! Ugh!
LINC: No one smells that stench?
ELI: Oh, yeah, this shit is gonna make his head explode.
LINC: Nothing like a pile of bodies to bring down property values.
ELI: Yeah, no kidding.
Clock is ticking on the eminent domain buyout.
He loses his investors, the vote goes back to city council.
They can revert back all the land.
LINC: There goes the neighborhood.
JACOB: Good morning.
LINC: Not if you're Russian.
JACOB: I hope you have no doubts as to who's responsible for this.
ELI: I'm on it.
JACOB: Clay and his guys did this in the first 24 hours.
ELI: We don't know if it was the Sons.
The Russians run with dangerous crowds.
JACOB: Jesus Christ.
Are-are you gonna tell me that dumping these bodies here was not a calculated move by Clay Morrow?
ELI: Could be sending a message.
JACOB: Could be?
You run hard at these white trash barbarians.
You understand me?
This shit cannot happen again.
ELI: Is that an order from the mayor or the real estate developer?
JACOB: It's the plea of a citizen.
Do what the taxpayers hired you to do.
(indistinct radio transmission)
♪ Riding through this world all alone God takes your soul you're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight a perfect line On the devil's bed until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life In the eye. ♪
BISHOP: They're waiting inside.
CLAY: Keep the crusher running. It may get a little noisy.
BISHOP: I got it.
CLAY: Marcus.
ALVAREZ: Clay.
Good to see you, man.
Jax.
JAX: How you doing?
All right, bro.
ALVAREZ: Clay, Jax-- Romero Parada.
ROMEO: Friends call me Romeo.
CLAY: Good to finally meet meet you, man.
JAX: Yeah, thank you for coming up.
ROMEO: Santos and Luis.
I heard Viktor Putlova never made it home from SAMCRO's wedding.
CLAY: Yeah, we, uh... we had to put 'em down...whole North Cali crew.
ROMEO: Must have been a wild party.
JAX: We'd like to avoid them throwing one for us.
ROMEO: The word has been put out: No one is to interfere with our new friendship.
CLAY: Thank you.
JAX: Yeah, thank you.
ROMEO: Now, see the wares.
JAX: Right here.
(Parado whistles)
JAX: Got AR-15s, SIG 551s, AKs, KG-9s, Glocks, FN-57s.
Got two dozen of each local.
Except the 57s.
Only got 15 of them.
CLAY: Just like we discussed;
20% off the street tag.
(clips clicking)
SANTO: What about a*mo?
JAX: The Wahewa press everything we need.
LUIS: These are excellent.
ROMEO: We'll take all you have in stock.
LUIS: Let's set a shipment for every two weeks.
Three dozen of everything except the Glocks.
JAX: We can make that work.
ROMEO: There's more.
I need bigger.
CLAY: How much bigger?
OMROMEO: RPGs, .50-caliber machine g*n long-range sn*per r*fles.
CLAY: Well, I'll have to make a call.
ROMEO: Good. Let me see, if my math is correct, that's seven hundred and change for your current stock.
Give me 100K in mixed a*mo.
CLAY: Hmm...
ROMEO: 500 K should cover half plus your transport payment.
CLAY: Well, I got a run scheduled for this weekend, bro.
ROMEO: I'll have the coke ready for you for the run back.
CLAY: Sounds good.
You guys are welcome to keep the samples.
(Romeo speaking Spanish)
ROMEO: I'll be in town a couple days.
Call me as soon as you hear from the Irish.
JAX: We're tr*ffick blow?
CLAY: Nah.
We're just muling it back.
Mayans are chopping and distributing.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
CLAY: Part of the deal.
I had no choice.
JAX: Who else knows?
CLAY: Nobody.
That's why you're here.
I need you to understand this.
JAX: Understand what?
That you forgot to mention we'd also be running coke for the Galindo Cartel?
We voted in selling them g*n.
CLAY: We'll have another vote.
(Jax scoffs)
JAX: You brokered this whole g*dd*mn thing in Stockton, kept us out of the loop on purpose.
CLAY: The Russians needed to die for what they did to you inside.
The Galindo Cartel is the only player deep enough to keep the Russians off our backs.
JAX: Oh, don't give me the
"I did this for you, son" bullshit!
This ain't about me, Clay.
And this ain't about the club.
This is about you cashing out.
(Clay sighs)
CLAY: These last two years-- brutal.
Your mom and me-- no savings, no... medical, no... retirement cushion.
I got, what, a year, maybe two?
I've given my whole life to this club.
I don't want to walk away with nothing.
JAX: You pushed a guy off a roof in Belfast for the exact same thing.
CLAY: McGee was a rat.
(Clay sighs)
JAX: What do you want from me?
CLAY: This vote splits the ranks.
I want you to back me.
It's the only way this thing passes.
JAX: If I do this... I'm out when you're out.
CLAY: What the hell you talking about?
You wanted the gavel your whole life.
JAX: Not anymore.
CLAY: What are you, what are you gonna... leave SAMCRO?
What the hell else you gonna do?
JAX: It doesn't matter.
I need your word, you'll let me walk away.
No recourse.
CLAY: What about your mom?
JAX: She's an old lady, Clay; she's not a member.
I'm gonna need you to keep her in check.
CLAY: It ain't that simple.
JAX: Yeah, it is.
When you hand over the club, you push for the president's patch to go to Opie.
That's the deal.
My out for your drugs.
(dog barking in distance)
CLAY: Okay.
BOBBY: SAMCRO's never been in the drug business.
PINEY: And never will.
OPIE: The last thing that we want to do is give Alvarez leverage over our business.
TIG: We've been good with the Mayans for over two years now, Ope.
JAX: Yeah, and let's not forget, if it wasn't for our brown alliance, Russians would've shivved all of us.
CLAY: Cartel's already committed.
Word's been put out.
Russians aren't gonna touch us.
JUICE: What about the Feds?
Drugs put us on DEA's radar.
OPIE: We're gonna find a new buyer.
BOBBY: May not pay as much, but with the Niners and the Italians, we'll still earn.
CHIBS: The IRA have an expectation of big volume.
Without the Russians, that burden lands right here with us.
CLAY: Cartel gives us all the demand our supply can handle.
We do this short-term, cash out.
PINEY: It's a g*dd*mn cartel!
There is no short-term.
JAX: I think it's worth the risk.
JAX: Down payment for our first order.
CLAY: We should all think about this.
We'll vote when the others get back.
Jax, go check on the a*mo, and, uh, take Ope with you.
CLAY: I want this.
TIG: Yeah.
CLAY: Tell Happy that, uh, we're going to have to keep the g*n at his aunt's house a couple more days.
I got to lock down the storage.
TIG: All right.
BOBBY: Clay.
Give me a minute?
This move-- I know why you're doing it.
But all due respect... it's a mistake.
CLAY: Well, I appreciate that, but I'm not asking for your counsel.
BOBBY: Push this through, it kills SAMCRO.
I love you, brother.
But I love this club more.
Not going to let it happen.
CLAY: Well, I... I love you, too.
Do what you have to do.
(Thomas crying)
GEMMA (sighs): It's okay.
(knock at door)
Oh, shit.
It's okay.
(Thomas fussing)
I know.
I know.
Here we go.
ELYDA: Hi.
Everything okay?
GEMMA: Yeah.
Just handle Thomas, okay?
ELYDA: Yeah.
Shh.
GEMMA: Okay.
What are you looking for, baby?
ABEL: Mommy's bag.
(rock music playing over stereo)
(music stops)
JAX: Really?
Nothing to say?
OPIE: Not quite sure who I'm talking to anymore.
JAX: Wow.
That's deep, man.
OPIE: Not really.
JAX: When you were inside, what'd you think about?
OPIE: Donna, the kids.
JAX: Yeah, me, too, man.
The whole time.
Tara and my boys.
Tara and my boys.
Wondering how the hell I'm going to take care of them.
Stay whole, be a decent father.
OPIE: Pushing coke was your solution?
JAX: No.
Earning big was.
Look, I know running with the cartel is serious shit, but I don't want to live hand-to-mouth anymore.
I want something more for my boys.
OPIE: You know, I watched Tara take care of your kids.
She's a strong chick, man.
She really stepped up.
But Lyla, she... I mean, I love her, but... she's not Donna.
I go away, she'd never be able to take care of three kids by herself.
I can't do that to her.
Can't do that to them.
JAX: We're not going away, Ope.
The cartel is protected.
They got politicians and law enforcement on the payroll from Lodi to Mexico City.
Nah, we're going to be fine.
OPIE: You sound like you're trying to convince yourself as much as me.
(electronic beeping)
(Linc humming)
ELI: Thanks.
So where's the rest of your team?
LINC: Reassigned.
They all knew our undercover.
Gets too personal.
Tread water for a few weeks.
Wait for new intel.
ELI: And what if that intel doesn't come?
GRAD: Sons wouldn't have taken out the Russians without a contingency in place.
It's too ambitious a move to be lateral.
ELI: A bigger player.
Who?
LINC: Not sure.
Hence the water treading.
ELI: You got water, I got blood.
I'm getting a lot of internal heat on this thing.
These guys shit on my front lawn.
I got to protect my town.
I just came in and gave you a heads-up.
LINC: Do your job, then, good sheriff.
Should look like business as usual.
Be the badge.
(grunting sigh)
CLAY: You don't call.
You don't write.
OSWALD: Yeah.
Welcome home.
You guys didn't waste any g*dd*mn time.
Four d*ad bodies.
Jesus Christ.
CLAY: Now, why would you always assume that when it's bad and bloody, it's my crew?
(Oswald chuckles)
Yeah, I'm guessing the hometown homicide sets back Hale Properties.
Oh, yeah, and, uh, Oswald Construction.
OSWALD: Had to take the offer.
CLAY: Oh, I get it.
Oh, your bottom line went red as soon as Hale took all your acreage.
Completely understand.
OSWALD: What do you want, Clay?
CLAY: Little understanding.
OSWALD: My debt's paid.
CLAY: I'll make you a deal.
I will, uh, suffer progress, let you and Hale build your, uh, suburban paradise-- in exchange for this.
OSWALD: This place is a dump.
I store my old haulers here.
Spare parts and shit.
CLAY: It's private gated property, completely secure, near the Wahewa.
OSWALD: More w*apon.
CLAY: Rosen will draw up a lease.
Ducorp.
As if you're, uh, renting to a complete stranger.
Everybody's protected.
Security deposit.
OSWALD: Where the hell did you get this kind of cash?
CLAY: It's a brand-new day, Elliot.
OSWALD: And if I say no?
CLAY: We'll be, uh, moving some of our shit in here tomorrow.
OSWALD: Clay. I took a huge h*t. I need Charming Heights to happen.
CLAY: It'll happen.
JAX: Yo, Running Mouse.
OPIE: Jax. These guys are worse than the Irish. Wake up.
(man speaking indistinctly)
Hey.
(indistinct yelling)
JAX: Lay some down. I'm gonna get in the truck. You hop in the back.
OPIE: We're clear!
OPIE: You all right?
JAX: Uh, yeah, think so.
(man speaking Russian)
You?
Don't move.
(muffled whimpering)
You were stupid to steal from us.
(speaking Russian)
Now you watch this.
(woman whimpering)
You tell me where the g*n are, or I blow her head off.
JAX: Okay, okay, okay.
(grunting)
k*ll her!
JAX: Stop, no, no, I'll tell you!
I can get 'em here!
I just need to make a call!
(Thomas cooing)
(locks door)
GEMMA: Damn it.
Oh, shit.
Oh...
Jesus Christ.
Oh, my God.
JUICE: When was the last time you rode this thing?
UNSER: I think I had hair.
TIG: Mmm.
BOBBY: Is that Gemma's meatloaf?
TIG: Yeah. I-I missed this almost as much as I missed p*ssy.
You all right?
BOBBY: Not really.
TIG: Look, look, look, I know.
Just, just get behind Clay on this cartel, man.
He wants you there.
BOBBY: No, he doesn't.
He's locked me out.
He's locked all of us out.
Except for Jax, he's the only one on the inside, and that's dangerous.
TIG: What do you mean?
BOBBY: He had you and me.
He trusted us.
We gave him balance, protected the club in the process, but that's gone.
TIG: So you think that I'm on the outside, too.
(Bobby sighs)
PHIL: Hey, guys, guys, Jax on the bar line looking for Clay.
He says it's important.
TIG: Clay.
We got Jax on the bar phone, man.
CLAY: Not now.
JOHN TELLER: Gemma's always been stronger than me-- I loved her for that-- but as I lost my way, she found hers.
She's moved closer to Clay, grown deeply committed to the club.
She's become more the woman I married, and I've become less the man.
The death of our love is my failing, not hers.
(Tara speaking indistinctly)
Sure, no problem.
TARA: Thank you.
(opens and closes drawer)
(keys rattle in lock)
(toilet flushes)
GEMMA: Oh, hey.
TARA: Hey.
You locked the door.
GEMMA: Didn't mean to.
He's hungry.
Mommy's here, yes.
There we go.
Come on, there.
TARA: Hi, little guy.
GEMMA: There you go.
TARA: Hi.
GEMMA: Where's your ring?
TARA: Oh... at home.
We're not sure when we're gonna tell people.
GEMMA: Why the hesitation?
TARA: Just waiting for the right time.
Oh, you ready?
(Thomas gurgles)
Yeah.
UNSER: So, uh... what's the urgency?
CLAY: I just got an order this morning, requires an
18-wheel solution and somebody who knows the truck routes to Tucson-- weigh stations, roads to avoid.
UNSER: Thought maybe you wanted to discuss the cold w*r you started in Charming Heights.
Pretty sure homicide is a parole violation.
CLAY: Little late to be a good cop, ain't it?
UNSER: Yeah, I guess it is.
I'll look into the, uh, truck situation.
CLAY: I'm sorry, man, I didn't mean... UNSER: No, it's all right.
Forget it, forget it.
Need anything else?
CLAY: Question.
Tara.
While we were inside, did she ask you anything unusual?
UNSER: Unusual like what?
CLAY: Like history-- John and me.
UNSER: No. Why would she?
TIG: Clay, we got trouble, man.
(Bobby clears throat)
CLAY: What do they want?
JAX: I don't speak Russian, but I'm pretty sure they're pissed off about their g*n.
You bring all the g*n now or I k*ll them.
CLAY: That's going to take a few hours.
You have one.
GEMMA: We got a problem, Wayne.
I think Tara knows about John.
UNSER (chuckles): H-How is that possible?
GEMMA: John had another old lady.
In Belfast.
Before he was k*lled, he was writing her letters, sharing all his secrets.
She tried to send those letters home with Jax.
Tara must have found 'em.
I came across this note.
It pointed me to the letters.
I found 'em in Tara's office.
UNSER: And you read 'em?
GEMMA: Ones I did, it was JT wringing his guilt about Thomas.
His failed marriage.
And his fear of Clay and me getting closer.
UNSER: That's just speculation.
GEMMA: Tara had a copy of the accident report.
Charming PD.
Now, you only pull something like that if you have suspicions.
UNSER: Uh, you tell Clay?
GEMMA: Yeah.
He didn't give it any weight.
He didn't know John the way I did.
UNSER: You know, Clay's got a lot on his mind.
Best we don't burden him with this shit.
Not until we know the fallout.
TIG: Hurry up.
It's gonna take Happy and Kozik at least two hours to get the g*n there.
CLAY: Shit.
TIG: Yeah.
GEMMA: What's the matter?
CLAY: Complications.
GEMMA: Where's Jax?
Oh, shit.
(siren tooting)
BOBBY: This is bad timing.
TIG: How do you want to play this?
CLAY: This prick is starting to piss me off.
The Russians got Jax and Ope.
Need for you to call up T.O., have the Bastards head down to Wahewa backland.
Just lay low and wait for my call.
You're looking for fleet work, you're gonna have to make an appointment.
ELI: No, we just had a couple questions regarding your whereabouts last night.
CLAY: You know we never left the reservation 'cause you were out front all night.
Directing traffic, right?
(f*re truck horn honking loudly)
(loud honking)
ELI: You smell smoke?
TIG: Hey, Bastards are on a toy run.
Gemma's left a message with T. O.'s old lady.
CLAY: Shit.
You made your point.
Now it's time for you and the campfire girls to get the hell out.
ELI: There's no brothers on your wall.
What's up with that?
PINEY: What's up is not having any brothers on the wall.
CLAY: We got no problem with color.
ELI: As long as it stays out of Charming.
CLAY: Just do what you got to do.
ELI: No. This... This feels warm.
Might be electrical.
Come here a second.
(Eli grunting)
CHIBS: Oh, you piece of shit!
(Eli grunting)
(grunts)
ELI: f*re Chief found nine code violations.
You got 30 days to fix it.
It's a good thing there wasn't a f*re, huh?
I'm willing to work with you, Clay.
Figure out the boundaries that keep us both happy.
But you pushed me to this.
And I strongly suggest you guys don't do it again.
(garbled radio transmission)
Let's go, boys.
(indistinct, quiet)
JAX: Hell of a honeymoon.
OPIE: Should have just stayed in bed with my wife... the p*rn star.
(both laugh)
JAX: They're never gonna make it from Dogtown in an hour.
OPIE: I know.
(car engine approaching)
(grunting)
(man speaking Russian)
Who is this?
(music playing in Spanish)
JAX: It's a Mexican guy and a Mexican guy.
(Jax grunts)
Get up.
(men speaking Russian)
Far enough.
What do you want?
ROMEO: Hear you're looking for your g*n.
JAX: Yeah, they have your g*n.
Where are they?
ROMEO: Some of them are right here.
You can have the rest when you let them go.
That's shit.
Bring us all the g*n.
30 minutes.
Or I k*ll them.
(speaking Russian)
(whistles)
(grunts)
(man speaking Russian)
(speaking Russian)
(grunting)
Vamos.
(speaking Spanish)
ROMEO: You boys all right?
JAX: Yeah, thanks.
OPIE: Thank you.
No problem.
ROMEO: That's what friends are for.
(motorcycle engines humming)
JAX: Already missed all the fun.
TIG: Gee. You all right, man?
JAX: Not really.
CLAY: How'd you know this was going down?
LUIS: We got contacts in the ROC.
ROMEO: We have contacts everywhere.
JAX: You guys lay down some serious shit.
ROMEO: This relationship is very important to my organization.
I'm sure this is the last we heard of Putlova's crew.
CLAY: Maybe we should cut one of 'em loose.
Let him bring this memory back to his pals.
BOBBY: The Wahewa will want retribution.
(grunts)
JAX: I volunteer him.
(laughter)
TIG: Come here, come here.
Come here, bad boy.
ROMEO: Looks like you got this under control.
CLAY: Thank you.
ROMEO: We'll be in touch.
JAX: Hey, thank you.
TIG: So the cartel just showed up.
They just showed up.
BOBBY: Cartel doesn't know we... we still have to vote this in, do they?
CLAY: That's our business, not theirs.
(motorcycle engine revving)
TARA: Jax?
(Tara sighs)
(Jax sighs)
(indistinct chatter)
GEMMA: Hey, babe.
TARA: Are you okay?
JAX: I'm all right.
TARA: What happened?
JAX: Misunderstanding.
(indistinct, overlapping chatter)
JAX: I know.
(laughter, overlapping chatter)
Ugh.
CLAY: You get a crew in here tomorrow, start fixing it up.
WOMAN: Oh...
TARA: I have some good news.
We're engaged.
Whoa!
Yeah!
(cheering, whooping & applause)
LYLA: Did you know about this?
Yeah!
(whooping and cheering)
(whistling)
CLAY: Serve 'em up.
Hey, hey, let me have a little of that.
(Tara laughs)
Congratulations. My son.
(overlapping chatter)
What did I tell you?
She's a good girl, huh?
♪ I'm heading home Go it alone again... ♪
CLAY: Congratulations, Mom.
GEMMA: Love you.
♪ Are you dreaming out loud?
Scared of the crowds?
(men whooping)
♪ Well, I'm headed home To go it alone again... ♪
LYLA: Congratulations.
OPIE: Congratulations, brother.
TARA: Thank you.
You did a good job.
JAX: It's all good, bro.
Promise.
OPIE: Hmm.
(men whooping)
♪ To go it alone again I'm taking it home | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "04x02 - Booster"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously, on Sons of Anarchy:
GEMMA: This fell out of one of Abel's coloring books. He must have found it somewhere in Jax's house.
CLAY: Letters?
GEMMA: Maureen Ashby.
CLAY: And you think Jax read 'em?
GEMMA: Had to be Jax or Tara who found 'em.
ALVAREZ: Clay, Jax, Romero Parada.
ROMEO: Friends call me Romeo.
JAX: Got two dozen of each load.
ROMEO: That's 700 and change for your current stock. It should cover half plus your transport payment. I'll have the coke ready for you for the run back.
JAX: You forgot to mention we'd also be running coke for the Galindo Cartel? We voted in selling them g*n.
CLAY: We'll have another vote. I want you to back me. It's the only way this thing passes.
JAX: If I do this, when you hand over the club, you push for the president's patch to go to Opie. That's the deal. My out for your drugs.
ELI: You smell smoke?
(grunting)
You pushed me to this. And I strongly suggest you guys don't do it again.
TARA: I have some good news.
We're engaged!
(clapping, shouts)
(whooping)
CLAY: We got Bobby, Piney, Juice opposed.
Where we at with the rest?
JAX: Chibs knows we need this to fill our Irish commitment.
He'll go our way.
Tig and Happy, too.
CLAY: Still need one more.
Kozik?
JAX: Ex-junkie-- I'm thinking he's a no.
CLAY: We any closer with Ope?
JAX (sighs): A little.
He saw the benefit of having the cartel on speed-dial, but he's not there yet.
CLAY: Well, you need to get him there now.
'Cause Ope gives us Miles; that gets us the majority.
JAX: And you need to work on Bobby.
Very least, stop him from spreading woe.
You using that?
TARA: Yeah.
It's Abel's old one.
JAX: I know-- it's a piece of shit.
Buy a new one.
TARA: You sure?
JAX: Yeah.
TARA: Well, we should probably put it in storage just in case one of the guys needs it.
JAX (chuckles): Okay.
Key's in the junk drawer.
(Tara gasps)
CLAY: Sorry.
TARA: It's okay.
CLAY: I just wanted to thank you for the other night.
You sharing the news when you did.
That was a class act.
It really helped.
TARA: Of course.
CLAY: I'm so happy you're joining this family.
You're already a great mom; you're gonna be a... great old lady.
TARA: Thank you.
CLAY: Raising Jax was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I love my son... as much as I loved his old man.
(baby crying)
(Tara laughs softly)
(baby continues crying)
JAX: Hey.
I think he might need a change.
TARA: Oh. You think?
You know, these are actually disposable.
You just take 'em off, put a new one on.
JAX: Really?
And here I thought this whole "raising kids" thing was so hard on you.
(Tara chuckles sarcastically)
GEMMA: You should just get out of here before you're swimming in baby piss.
JAX (whispers): I love you.
TARA (whispers): I love you, too.
Hi.
GEMMA: Bye, honey.
See you later.
HAPPY: Hey, dickhead, you the one made pancakes?
MILES: Yeah.
HAPPY: You gonna clean your shit up?
MILES: Now?
HAPPY: Yeah. Now.
Who the hell you think's gonna do it?
KOZIK: Your mom and aunt.
HAPPY: They ain't your maids.
MILES: Just thought we should load these first.
KOZIK: No, go.
He hates messy.
HAPPY: Get inside there.
Yo, G!
You want to toss me that rock?
KOZIK: Yo, Buckwheat, want to keep your shirt on?
Thanks.
Hey, you ball?
KOZIK: Not today, man.
What's the matter, surfer dude, scared of a little hood ball?
Come on, ten bucks a point.
Shut up, bitch-- you ain't got no money.
Bullshit.
KOZIK: How much you got?
Like... three hundred and something?
KOZIK: All right, me and you, LeBrown.
One on one, winner takes all.
Shit, yeah, my lemon-headed sucker.
MAN: Yeah. Oh, look at this.
CLAY: Look at my happy little elves.
(tools whirr to a stop)
JAX: Look great.
How do they hold?
OPIE: Hold between ten and
16, depending on the g*n.
The weight matches the car parts.
CLAY: Beautiful.
BOBBY: Chibs got the specs from the Irish.
JAX: Where is he?
PHIL: Don't ask.
TIG: Bathroom, working shit out.
JUICE: Literally.
All that processed food.
(Chibs groaning)
JAX: Shit, you all right, man?
(Chibs exhales)
CHIBS: Something didn't settle right.
Cheap Mexican food.
BOBBY: Chasing burritos with Jack and James probably didn't help.
CHIBS: Juicy, you're gonna h*t me up, yeah?
JUICE: Green tea and a mint colonic-- a little herbal fusion...
TIG: Stop, stop, stop. Stop.
CLAY: Before we clear anybody's passage, let's just get these crates built.
Bobby, you're with me. Wahewa.
BOBBY: Why do you need me?
CLAY: 'Cause I miss you, man.
TIG: You want me with?
CLAY: Nah, nah, we're good.
Stay available.
May need somebody to haul some a*mo.
(tool whirring)
(men talking indistinctly)
Oh!
God!
(rap music playing)
You gonna let him sh**t that shit over you?
Come on, man.
KOZIK: 18-12.
Damn, Brew, this beach-white n*gg*r got you looking like Cleveland.
(laughter)
For real!
(rap music continues)
KOZIK: That's bullshit, man.
Get the keys!
Hurry up!
Get the hell out of here!
Go, go!
(rap music continues)
Do you even know how to drive a truck?
Get your ass back up in here!
(engine roaring)
KOZIK: Oh, shit!
(vehicle pulling away)
You got to be sh1tting me!
♪ Riding through this world all alone God takes your soul you're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight a perfect line On the devil's bed until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life in the eye. ♪
POTTER: Romero "Romeo" Parada-- ex-Mexican military commando, enlisted by Jose Galindo to head up his cartel's strategic enforcement unit.
ELI (chuckles): The cartel has a strategic enforcement unit?
POTTER: There are two Sonora-based cartels: Galindo and Lobo Sonora.
Blood feud over the whole territory began about six months ago-- shows no sign of stopping.
ELI: And Romeo needs g*n.
POTTER: Yes, and I'm guessing the Sons will be expediting the coke that pays for them.
ELI: Dealing?
POTTER: It's not in their wheelhouse.
Probably muling blow back to Northern Cali.
ELI: Shit.
GRAD: We've been watching Galindo for the last couple of years.
He's a spunky little psychopath.
Since he hired Romeo, they've been giving TJ and the others a hard run for their money and drugs.
POTTER: We'd heard Romeo had reached out to the Sons in Stockton, but we weren't sure how they would fit with the Russians.
ELI: I guess they figured that out.
LINC: This was lifted from a gas station security cam outside of my beautiful birthplace, Modesto, two days ago.
ELI: So Parada's back in town, hm?
GRAD: He was.
Off the grid again.
ELI: So now what?
GRAD: Without someone inside to document the g*n, we need to make the Sons the primary RICO target.
POTTER: So now, my locally enforced friend... we move on to Plan B.
Engage Mr. Crow to create the ties that bind.
Juan Carlos Ortiz.
I need you to pick him up.
ELI: How does that help RICO?
GRAD: We need to create a history of organized crime, past and present.
POTTER: Juice is our
"now" connection.
ELI: I can pick him up on a release violation.
He's a part owner of a weed shop.
POTTER: Good.
But you can't tip him off to any of this.
The thr*at must remain local.
ELI: Okay, so what do you want me to do with him?
LINC: Just let him know that you're aware of his family tree and that... you'll be in touch.
JAX: All right, I'm coming.
OPIE: What's going on?
JAX: That was Miles.
Some kind of hiccup with the g*n.
TIG: Should I call Clay?
JAX: No, him and Bobby need some quality time.
Stay here, get the other prospects to help finish these up.
(Chibs groaning)
Take care of him.
JUICE: Absolutely.
JAX: You're with us.
Follow in the van. Let's go.
TIG: I'm going with.
JAX: Clay wanted you to stay here.
TIG: No, I'm not gonna be his little a*mo bitch, bro, I'm not gonna do it.
If there's a problem with those g*n, I should be there.
JAX: All right, Tiggy.
BOBBY: I know you didn't bring me out here for my vast knowledge of projectiles.
CLAY: I wanted to talk to you alone.
BOBBY: Say what ya gotta say, Prez.
CLAY: The beating we took over these last few years you know has set us way back.
BOBBY: Part of the life.
I didn't join this club to get rich.
CLAY: It ain't about getting rich, it's about getting whole.
This club needs an infusion.
BOBBY: How'd you get the boy to sign off on this?
Drugs nearly k*lled his first-born.
He's changed.
He's gone way inside.
I... I don't know what pushed him there.
Maybe it was the time... CLAY: Maybe it was me?
BOBBY: I don't know.
He's not the same guy.
CLAY: Well, he sure knows what's best for this club.
BOBBY: Oh, k*ll the bullshit, we're not sitting around the table.
You're sprinting for the door, stuffing your pockets before it slams shut.
I get that.
But what's Jax get out of it?
CLAY: You know what?
You think whatever the hell you want to about me, 'cause I don't give a shit.
My main concern is the future of this MC.
And I'll tell you what Jax gets out of it, 'cause that's what I brought you out here to talk about.
Only thing is, I need for this to stay between you and me, you understand?
'Cause Jax doesn't want anybody to know about this.
I need your word.
Jax wants out.
He's got two sons, he's got a old lady he loves.
He's done.
BOBBY: He backs the drugs, you let him out clean.
CLAY: Yep.
BOBBY: What's that got to do with me?
CLAY: You're the guy I endorse to replace me.
BOBBY: Yeah, if I vote for the drugs, you'll... CLAY: It's not about any vote.
I'm handing you the gavel... because you're the best guy for the job.
If you want it.
I'm giving you my word.
WAHEWA WOMAN: You looking for Charlie Horse?
CLAY: Uh, yeah.
WAHEWA WOMAN: He's out in the South Res.
Get in your truck and follow me.
(hospital personnel talking)
(Gemma sighs)
UNSER: Hey.
Just trying to remember how to do this.
GEMMA: You put the flame to the wick.
UNSER: Thanks.
GEMMA: You stop going to your church?
UNSER: When you're buried in your own shit, the Sacred Heart seems a little out of reach.
GEMMA: You gotta believe in something, Wayne.
UNSER: Where you at with that?
GEMMA: Same place I'm always at.
UNSER: No, you're not, sweetheart.
We wanna stay the same, but we can't.
Older we get, the further away we get from who we think we are.
GEMMA: Are we done here, Confucius?
UNSER: Yeah.
GEMMA: Let's go.
GEMMA: Wait here. You see Tara coming, knock on the door.
UNSER: Really? You brought me here to be your g*dd*mn spotter?
GEMMA: I'm finishing what I started.
GEMMA: Oh, shit. All right, you clever little bitch, where'd you hide that key?
ELI: Thank you, very much. I'm sorry, baby. We're gonna be okay. Let's go.
UNSER: Oh, shit.
MARGARET: Oh. Sorry. Is Tara expecting you?
GEMMA: No. I, um... I was just doing some research.
MARGARET: Sonoanatomy and Feasibility of Ultrasonographic Guidance in Term and Preterm Neonates.
GEMMA: It's a trilogy.
UNSER: Hey, there.
GEMMA: Hey, Wayne.
MARGARET: Chief Unser.
UNSER: Uh, not anymore.
MARGARET: Of course.
UNSER: Can I talk to you for a second?
MARGARET: Me?
UNSER: Yeah. I got some questions about my HMO and these new treatments.
MARGARET: Sure. I'll tell Tara you're in here. Engrossed in the Neonatas Trilogy.
CHARLIE HORSE: Gentlemen. This way, please.
CLAY: What the hell we doing out here, Charlie?
CHARLIE HORSE: Tribal matters. Also, it gives us a chance to talk privately about this increase in demand.
CLAY: Is that a problem?
CHARLIE HORSE: Labor, no. Compensation, yes. I know you're selling our a*mo to the Mexicans now.
CLAY: Our deal with the Wahewa's set, doesn't matter who we're selling to.
CHARLIE HORSE: I'm not living in a teepee, Clay.
The cartel is a risk for you, I know you gotta be charging more for our b*ll*ts.
I just want to make sure that the Wahewa get their piece.
Jesus Christ...
There's a word in the Wintu language, means "mourning w*r".
Families of our d*ad sons ask the gods to choose their revenge.
They chose slow death by flesh-eating ants.
CLAY: That's some real cowboy and Indian shit, Chief.
CHARLIE HORSE: It's about closure.
You play a part in his passing over into the spirit realm.
CHARLIE HORSE: I'll be right back.
BOBBY: How long they gonna leave him out here?
CLAY: I guess till the picnic's over.
BOBBY: Are you gonna give Charlie his bump?
I mean, we are charging the Mexicans almost 50% more for the same a*mo.
CLAY: I'm gonna give Charlie dick.
Because as far as he knows, we're charging the Mexicans the same as we charge anybody else.
HEAD RUSSIAN: Help me.
Please.
Help... CLAY: Hey.
Are you listening to us?
HEAD RUSSIAN: No.
CLAY: Well, you heard that, didn't you?
(Head Russian groans)
BOBBY: You're gonna piss off the gods.
CLAY: I don't give a shit about the gods.
JAX: Someone stealing our g*n is a hiccup?
TIG: Are you sh1tting me?
KOZIK: They took the truck, thinking it was full of booze.
It only had one case of AR-15's.
JAX: Those g*n are already sold, assh*le.
The cartel is expecting all of them in two days.
KOZIK: I get it!
JAX: No, what you get, is jacked by a bunch of ghetto babies, assh*le.
OPIE: All right, all right.
TIG: Hey, all right, down!
JAX: Let him go! Let him go!
TIG: Hang on!
OPIE: Save it for church!
TIG: Let's just get the g*n back, bro.
KOZIK: They're not gonna h*t the streets with that shit.
Okay, they're gonna try and sell them.
JAX: All right, shut up.
HAPPY: This hood?
Only one place to do that. Vivica.
French fence.
JAX: They better be there.
JAX: Truck got jacked a couple hours ago.
We're thinking you may be their first stop.
VIVICA: Do I look like I buy g*n?
KOZIK: Well, maybe you know the kids.
Brewster.
He called his buddy Frecks.
VIVICA: I got enough kids.
Don't need to know anyone else's.
Look, if you want iPads, microwaves, or organic vegetables, I'm your Nubian goddess.
But g*n... that's dirty business.
Not my flow.
Everybody around here knows that.
Luther, Vandross.
Show them out.
JAX: Well, if, for some reason, they do flow your way, we need to know.
VIVICA: The only thing you need to know is that my soil is in desperate need of aeration.
(dog barking in distance)
JAX: Wouldn't wanna get between you and your dirt.
VIVICA: I appreciate that.
TIG: I don't believe her, man.
HAPPY: Got no choice.
We rock that boat, gonna blow back on the whole neighborhood.
My aunt and mom included.
KOZIK: Shit, that's them!
JAX: You stay here in case the truck shows up.
Go, go, go!
(engines rev)
(tires squealing)
♪ If I don't start cryin' because that I have got no eyes ♪
FRECKS: Shit!
♪ My father's in the fireplace and my dog lies hypnotized...
Through a crack of light... ♪
Let's go.
♪ I was unable to find my way trapped inside a night but I'm a day and I go... ♪
(siren wailing)
JAX: Shit. Cops find our g*n, these shitheads'll lead
'em right back to Happy's aunt's house.
KOZIK: Hey, I got this.
OFFICER (over P.A.): Pull over!
(siren stops)
OFFICER: Keep your hands where we can see 'em.
OFFICER: Let's go!
(siren wails)
FRECKS: Whoo!
JAX: License and registration, please.
CHARLIE HORSE: He's d*ad.
What happened?
CLAY: Not sure.
He came to, gasped a little bit, and just went out.
BOBBY: Yeah.
It was quick.
CHARLIE HORSE: Families gonna be disappointed.
He should've suffered at least another two days.
CLAY: Well, maybe the ants were a little hungrier than you thought.
CHARLIE HORSE: Yes... like all of us.
CLAY: Look, Charlie, I don't know what you heard or what you think you might know, but we got the same deal going with the cartel as we had with the Russians.
We're not making a dime more off your a*mo.
You got my word.
CHARLIE HORSE: Okay. We'll push through with the order then.
(Frecks, Brewster yelling)
(banging in car)
(yelling, banging continue)
BREWSTER: No, man, let me out, man, let me out!
FRECKS: Man, you cr*cker-ass bitches trying to k*ll us?!
JAX: That's the plan, unless you start talking.
FRECKS: I don't know what you're talking about, okay?!
I don't! Oh, shit.
BREWSTER: No, no!
KOZIK: Lying bitch!
FRECKS: Hey, man, what's wrong with you?!
Listen, listen, listen!
Yo, what are you doing?!
Yo, man, what are you...?
Let me go, man!
TIG: Hey, hey, listen to me.
Listen to me.
Now this guy here, he's cracked three of my ribs giving me a hug.
Now he is gonna shatter your boy's face, unless you give it up.
FRECKS: All right, g*dd*mn, man, just listen!
We sold it to Vivica.
Luther only gave us half the cash.
We were headed to get the rest when y'all spotted us.
The money's in the glove box.
HAPPY: It's here.
FRECKS: We unloaded the truck on Langley.
TIG: Okay.
OPIE: I'm calling Miles.
TIG: I knew that bitch was lying, Jax.
JAX: Or these assholes are.
Put him in the trunk.
HAPPY: Get up!
FRECKS: Man, come on! We told ya!
JAX: Go check on the truck.
FRECKS: We told ya everything we kn--
CHIBS: Oh-ho! That was crazy.
I just saw some stuff in there I ate when I was seven years old.
I'm, like, 100 pounds lighter. I'm a brand-new man.
(phone rings)
Hey, just got a full cleanse.
(tires squeal, siren blips)
Hang on. Ah, you know what?
Sure, I'll call you back.
JUICE: If you guys are heading in, I recommend the green tea and mint.
MARTINEZ Hands on the wall.
Let's go.
CHIBS: Got a card for that.
MARTINEZ Congratulations, but the federal government doesn't give a shit.
JUICE: Is this some kind a joke?
CANE: Does that feel like a joke?
MARTINEZ: Let's go.
(knocking)
TARA: Come in.
MARGARET: Surgery went well?
TARA: Yes.
Routine diaphragmatic hernia.
MARGARET: Here you go.
References and other info.
Legacy Emanuel and Providence Hospital are very interested in speaking with you.
TARA: Wow. Thank you for, for doing this.
MARGARET: I came by to drop them off earlier.
Gemma was here in your office.
TARA: Did she say why?
MARGARET: No, but I'm pretty certain I interrupted her looking for something.
TARA: Did she see this?
MARGARET: No.
TARA: She-she was probably just looking for something for the baby.
MARGARET: Probably.
TARA: Thanks.
MARGARET: I've heard the nurses talking.
Um, are you really engaged?
TARA: I am.
MARGARET: Does Jax know you're planning to move?
TARA: I'm not just yet.
MARGARET: Tara... TARA: I need to be here.
MARGARET: Two months ago you broke down in my office.
You asked me... TARA: I know, and... (sighs)
I still feel that way, but I have to let Jax lead us out, Margaret.
It may take longer, but it's the only way I get my whole family out clean.
MARGARET: Longer can very easily turn into forever.
You know that.
Please think about this.
TARA: It's the only thing I think about.
I have to get ready for surgery.
(engine revs, shuts down)
TIG: Hey, hey, hey, easy, easy, man, easy.
Just wanna talk to your mom.
VIVICA: It's okay, boys.
JAX: Appreciate you taking care of my crew.
VIVICA: They looked a little thirsty.
And I don't like white boys spying on me.
JAX: Yeah, well, we tracked down the crew that jacked our g*n.
Said they sold 'em to you.
VIVICA: What the hell is it with you guys?
I don't have your g*dd*mn g*n!
OPIE: Maybe your boys know something about it.
JAX: Yeah, how 'bout it, boys?
You taking on a little side biz mama don't know about?
VIVICA: You idiots!
TIG: Jax!
VIVICA: No! No, stop!
Stop, stop!
Mama!
TIG: Hey, hey, get down!
Get down now!
JAX: Shit!
VIVICA: Knock it off!
JAX: Jesus Christ!
VIVICA: What the hell were you twp cat-brain morons thinking?
LUTHER: Sorry, Ma.
It was supposed to be a surprise.
We was gonna get you that F-350 Super Duty.
VANDROSS: We know how much you love that truck, Ma.
Had even had a red one all picked out and shit.
VIVICA: My apologies.
Give them their g*n!
All of them!
OPIE: Cops are gonna be here after that blast.
VIVICA: No, they won't.
VIVICA: For your troubles.
Tell Happy I'll send his mom some tomatoes.
Family meeting inside!
Luther, Vandross!
JAX: Come on, k*ller.
VIVICA: I said now!
TIG: That one there, she makes Gemma look like Donna Reed.
JAX (laughs): I'm suddenly I'm feeling a little less dysfunctional.
TARA: Hi.
GEMMA: Sorry to barge in.
In the middle of something?
TARA: No. Just finished surgery.
Just paperwork.
GEMMA: I came by earlier.
TARA: Yeah, Margaret mentioned that.
GEMMA: Yeah, I'm sure she did.
This fell out of one of Abel's coloring books.
You have any idea where he might've found it?
TARA: What is it?
GEMMA: A note... talks about some letters.
TARA: Letters to whom?
GEMMA: You hiding something from me?
TARA: Why would I do that?
GEMMA: Same reason you keep answering my questions with questions.
TARA: Sounds like you already know the answers.
GEMMA: No... I don't.
What I do know is that letters from John Teller would be a very painful for my son to read.
TARA: Why?
TARA: John was in love with Maureen Ashby.
When we were in Belfast, found out she had a kid with him.
Stirred up all that old shit.
I had already fallen in love with Clay.
When Thomas died... I didn't care anymore.
I didn't even try to hide it.
That was a mistake.
Put Clay at risk... it was humiliating for JT.
Jax doesn't know any of that.
Him finding out could set things off with Clay again.
GEMMA: John ripped me apart.
Spent months at a time in Belfast with her.
Left me here.
Alone.
With his sons.
TARA: Sorry.
GEMMA: I loved him.
Like you and Jax.
I was 19.
He was my g*dd*mn world.
This ain't good for anybody.
You understand me?
Wherever this leads, this is bad for our family.
(Tara sighs)
ELI: Alright, here you go.
JUICE: So what's going on?
ELI: Hey, I just wanna have a conversation, that's all.
JUICE: You can do that with my lawyer.
ELI: Oh, you don't need your lawyer.
I don't give a shit about the weed, man.
Please, sit down.
JUICE: So why'd you pick me up?
ELI: This is me and my father, fishing at Rockaway Beach.
Huh?
Now, you grew up in Queens, right?
JUICE: Nobody fished at Rockaway.
Not unless you wanted to fry up beer bottles and syringes.
That ain't Queens.
What's the game here, man?
ELI: You ever see your father?
JUICE: No.
ELI: I can arrange that.
ELI: Michael Howard Cole.
It's your daddy, Juan Carlos.
By your silence, I'm assuming that you already knew.
JUICE: I knew who he was.
I never met him.
ELI: Now, I don't know if you can tell by this picture, but, um... he's black.
Like, African black.
JUICE: Yeah.
I picked that up.
ELI: Yeah.
I don't know, you tell me.
What would the club do if they found out that you were black?
Hm? You don't know?
Let me break it down for you.
Well, first they'll pull your patch, then they make you scrape the ink, then, if you're lucky enough, you'll walk out alive.
As far as SAMCRO is concerned, you never even existed.
So much for Affirmative Action.
JUICE: You don't know dick about my club.
ELI: Yeah, you're right.
About Dick, nothing.
But Leroy?
Everything.
Enjoy your day.
JUICE: So what happens now?
ELI: We go back home to our families.
I'll stay in touch, brother.
(Juice sighs)
GEMMA: Mexican for lunch?
PINEY: Yeah, something like that.
GEMMA: What's going on?
PINEY: I was hoping you could tell me.
He listens to you.
GEMMA: Who?
Clay?
PINEY: You know, he is getting us involved in some very deep shit.
GEMMA: What are you talking about?
PINEY: Your old man wants us running drugs for the cartel.
And all those other drones at the table, they're gonna follow him right down to that last little crumb.
Talk some sense into him, Gemma.
(Gemma sighs)
GEMMA: You guys are running coke for the Mexicans?
CLAY: What?
Who told you that?
GEMMA: Not you.
CLAY: You don't need to know.
GEMMA: Drugs are not what we do...
(Gemma gasping)
CLAY: You don't tell me what we do.
(slow, melancholy intro begins)
BOBBY: Everything okay?
CLAY: Yeah.
Let's just get this done.
OPIE: Hey.
You really think that we can handle the drug end of this?
JAX: I know we can.
OPIE: Getting as cocky as Clay, too.
That's not a bad thing, man.
You came out harder.
Looking like a guy who can lead a club.
That bullshit today, you handled it, man.
JAX: Thanks.
OPIE: You got my vote and Miles.
But when we're done with the cartel and Clay is gone, it's you and me sitting at the head of that table.
Get this back to the way it should be.
You good with that?
CLAY: You've all had time to think on this.
CLAY: Yea or nay: We get in business with the Galindo Cartel.
Yea.
TIG: Yea.
CHIBS: I don't trust 'em.
No.
OPIE: Yea.
MILES: I'm a yea.
PINEY: Nay.
JUICE: Nay.
BOBBY: No.
HAPPY: I'm sorry.
I'm a no.
KOZIK: Backing my Prez and VP.
Yea.
JAX: Yea.
CLAY: Six-five. It passes.
(gavel bangs)
CLAY: You ever try to end run me through my old lady again, I'll slit your throat. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "04x03 - Dorylus"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
ELI: Clock is ticking on the eminent domain buyout. He loses his investors, the vote goes back to city council. They can revert back all the land.
ALVAREZ: Clay, Jax-- Romero Parada.
ROMEO: Friends call me Romeo.
JAX: - SIG 551s...
LUIS: - These are excellent. Let's set up a shipment for every two weeks.
JAX: We can make that work.
ROMEO: I'll have the coke ready for you for the run back.
CLAY: Sounds good.
JAX: That you forgot to mention we'd also be running coke for the Galindo Cartel? We voted in selling them g*n.
CLAY: We'll have another vote. I want you to back me. It's the only way this thing passes.
JAX: If I do this, my out for your drugs.
GEMMA: You hiding something from me? This fell out of one of Abel's coloring books. Letters from John Teller would be very painful. Could set things off with Clay again.
PINEY: And all those other drones at the table, they're gonna follow him right down to that last little crumb.
GEMMA: Drugs are not what we do.
CLAY: You don't tell me what we do.
Six-five.
It passes.
♪
♪
TARA: Morning.
JAX: Morning.
TARA: What are you writing?
JAX: Just jotting some things down.
TARA: What kinds of things?
My badass biker is journaling?
JAX: I got to get ready.
TARA: When are you back?
JAX: Couple days.
TARA: You really going down there for a bike show?
JAX: You want to know more?
TARA: Hmm. It's too early.
JAX: Mm-hmm.
CLAY: What happened?
GEMMA: Too much sun.
CLAY: Opie and Kozik headed up north.
They should be back before us.
GEMMA: - Irish? CLAY: - Yeah.
CLAY: You okay?
GEMMA: Yeah.
Ride safe.
Bye, darling.
JAX: - See you later. GEMMA: - Yeah, be safe.
(engines starting)
CLAY: Prez.
ARMANDO: Welcome to the border, brother.
CLAY: Thanks, man.
Good to see you, 'mano.
Redwood.
CLAY: Good to see you, Huff.
HUFF: Having trouble with the grip?
CLAY: No, perfect.
JAX: How you doing, Army?
BOBBY: Really sorry about Little Paul.
We wish we could have made the funeral.
CLAY: Yeah, man, condolences.
ARMANDO: Thanks. Awful shit.
HUFF: Broke our hearts.
CLAY: So, uh, meeting Romeo tomorrow at the expo, 10:00 a.m.
ARMANDO: SAMTAZ, ready to protect and serve.
JAX: You're sure the truck's good here tonight?
HUFF: Absolutely. No cops, no scumbags.
Everyone knows we run it.
(grunting) Stop it.
I'll pay you, I promise.
You said we had a week.
That was a week ago, shitwhore.
We'll get the money.
CLAY: What's this guy owe on?
HUFF: Benny, handle it.
(grunting)
Get off him.
(woman and Tig grunt)
CLAY: Jesus Christ.
Hey, hey, hey.
Let go of me.
Let go.
TIG: Skank.
You bastards.
What is it?
BOBBY: Crank.
This what he's behind on?
CLAY: You're dealing here?
HUFF: It ain't a risk. We own the spot.
JAX: Ain't a risk?
That's a truck filled with a*t*matic w*apon, douche bag, a life sentence for everyone involved, and you have us roll up in your g*dd*mn crank den?
ARMANDO: - Hey, hey, hey, hey. JAX: - What?!
ARMANDO: Easy. Coke, crank. You mule, we sell. Same shit.
CLAY: Shut it down.
ARMANDO: Sorry, ese.
Not your club, not your call.
Let's go.
♪ Riding through this world all alone God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own the crow flies straight a perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed until you die gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
CLAY: I ain't telling you how to run your charter, but the club has precedents.
HUFF: SAMCRO went all in with the cartel.
Now, that sends a message to the charters.
CLAY: We don't deal.
That's always been the message.
ARMANDO: Come on, Clay, that's bullshit, man.
You can't draw that line.
JAX: We just voted this shit in.
That trucker had back debt.
How long you been dealing?
ARMANDO: Voted it in four months ago.
Been up and running about three.
This town is drying up, Clay.
I'm just trying to keep this charter alive, man.
JAX: We would have never brought you into this if we knew you were cooking.
HUFF: Look, you don't want to use us, fine.
We're the closest charter to the border.
Anybody else is a two-day ride.
CLAY: You know, we're paying SAMTAZ a good fee for running protection down here.
HUFF: Yeah, but SAMCRO's the only charter getting rich off the cartel.
TIG: Sorry, guys, Romeo's waiting.
We got to go.
CHIBS: Yeah, let's handle this shit later, boys.
JAX: Why the hell did Reggie turn in his patch?
Dude had 18 years.
BENNY: Little Paul was his sponsor.
When he got k*lled, it broke him up, man.
JAX: He got out before the crank vote?
BENNY: Yeah, almost five months ago.
JAX: Close vote?
BENNY: It was, but now everyone's behind it now.
JAX: What about you?
BENNY: Four kids, 'mano.
Ain't got a choice.
JAX: All right, bro, come on.
(door bells jingle)
RITA: Be right there.
Can I help you?
GEMMA: You sell Mariposa lily bulbs?
RITA: I don't have any in stock, but I can get some.
GEMMA: Mine just keep dying.
Think it might be too much sun.
RITA: What's their exposure?
GEMMA: Southern.
Greenhouse.
Still potted.
RITA: Bring one in. I'll take a look at it.
Lilies are tricky.
Half of mine never make it from seed.
GEMMA: All right, I'll do that.
Gemma. RITA: - Rita.
GEMMA: - Nice to meet you. RITA: - Likewise.
CHUCKY: Chucky.
RITA: Hello.
GEMMA: Go wait in the car.
CHUCKY: Adieu, ladies.
(door bells jangle) RITA: What happened there?
GEMMA: Long story.
Picked up those hands on eBay.
Difficult rehabilitation.
GEMMA: How's it going with the gardens?
RITA: Ah, not so good.
We don't raise another $80,000 in the next three weeks, it's gone.
GEMMA: Let me guess.
More retail feed for Charming Heights?
RITA: Yeah, most likely.
GEMMA: I wouldn't let the mayor see that sign.
He might f*re your husband.
RITA: Just imagine what he'd do if he knew I was the one who started that committee.
We're having a big fund-raiser next week.
GEMMA: I take it you know who I am.
RITA: Yeah. Clearly you know who I am.
GEMMA: So what's this, uh, gold circle club?
RITA: Oh, it's for premium donors, minimum $5,000 donation.
GEMMA: Hmm, expensive club.
RITA: There's other ways to donate.
Gold circle is mostly professionals.
Helps us attract the right donors.
GEMMA: So, uh, being a biker's old lady would what?
Attract the wrong kind of donors?
RITA: I honestly don't care who you are.
If you really want to help, the door is open.
But if you're just here to rattle my cage, I don't have the time, love.
GEMMA: All right... love.
I'll come back with my d*ad bulbs.
RITA: I'll be here.
(door bells jangle)
POTTER: Shame about the gardens.
GEMMA: Yeah.
POTTER: I seriously hope the clock ticks out on Charming Heights.
Oh, thank you.
GEMMA: What clock would that be?
POTTER: Well, if Hale doesn't lock down investors heby the end of the quarter, eminent domain vote goes back to the city council.
They could shut it all down.
GEMMA: Really?
Do I know you?
POTTER: Oh. I'm sorry. Nick Stackhouse.
Work for the zoning department.
GEMMA: Ah. Gemma Teller.
POTTER: Thanks for the light, Gem.
♪
♪
CLAY: Go check us in. Make it official.
JUICE: Done.
BOBBY: Romeo does not seem like the kind of guy who runs late.
JAX: Relax. He'll be here.
CLAY: What's going on, man?
JAX: I've been thinking about this crank move.
Armando said they passed the vote four months ago.
That's right after Little Paul was k*lled and Reggie quit.
CLAY: So, you think that had something to do with this drug move?
JAX: Little Paul would have never signed off on crank.
CHIBS: And Reggie was a lifer.
Him walking away doesn't make any sense.
JAX: No.
CLAY: What are you thinking?
JAX: It was a close vote.
Two no's easily sway it the other way.
TIG: Yeah, so someone's clearing the opposition, man?
JAX: I don't know, but it's worth tracking down Reggie, asking him why he quit.
CLAY: Let's go find Reggie.
We got to shut this crank thing down.
Send the message to the other charters we don't deal.
TIG: Cartel's here.
BOBBY: Every business needs shipping and selling.
You can't separate the two.
CLAY: I got a wife that says shit without saying shit.
Grow a sack, Elvis.
BOBBY: Armando's right.
Muling and dealing-- same g*dd*mn thing.
TIG: Not the time, boys.
BOBBY: Same thing.
JAX: Let's get this done.
ARMANDO: Everything cool?
(engines revving)
CLAY: Where's El Jefe?
LUIS: He doesn't like being watched.
You got a tail.
CLAY: Where?
LUIS: Auto detailing van. Three o'clock.
(engines revving)
CLAY: Oh, just some local shit, man.
It's got nothing to do with our business.
We'll handle it. LUIS: - You better.
Call when it's clear.
(engine starts)
CLAY: This is your g*dd*mn crank.
It's got to be a local narc.
HUFF: Hey, you're the crew on federal release.
Could be the A*F with their noses still up your ass.
JAX: We got a tail.
Sooner we lose it, sooner the Mexicans feel safe.
ARMANDO: - Huff? HUFF: - Yeah?
ARMANDO: Call Fierro.
We'll take 'em down to Vesper Trail.
HUFF: - Done.
ARMANDO: - You guys, follow us.
(keypad beeping)
TIG: You sure your grip can handle this?
CLAY: Get on your bike.
(engines revving)
♪
♪
♪
♪
(engine revving)
♪
♪
(rumbling of motorcycles)
ARMANDO: Get ready, boys.
(engines revving)
(tires squealing)
HUFF: That's how we do in Mexizona, Mr. Crow.
(expl*sive pops)
POTTER: They blew up a grease truck?
That doesn't sound like our boys.
A little bit too Mad Max, don't you think?
GRAD: We lost the g*dd*mn tail.
POTTER: Pretty sure that was their objective.
Did we get anything?
GRAD: Few photos.
It's not Parada.
POTTER: Pull Romeo's military info.
I'm guessing you'll find this guy was part of his unit.
Probably his second.
(humming)
REGGIE: Bunny, get in the back.
It's all right, it's all right. Just go in the back.
CLAY: Never pegged you for an animal lover, Reg.
REGGIE: What do you want?
JAX: Just want to say hello, man.
Missed you in SAMTAZ.
REGGIE: I'm out. Good standing. Ink's all black.
BOBBY: - Why'd you walk away? REGGIE: - None of your business.
Now, get out of here.
JAX: Come on, man.
BOBBY: - Oh, shit! CHIBS: - No, no, no, no!
JAX: Weeks after Little Paul was k*lled, SAMTAZ passed a crank vote.
That have anything to do with why you patched out?
CLAY: Hey, Tig, you in the mood for some stew?
TIG: Yeah, yeah.
Mmm, hasenpfeffer, man.
REGGIE: All right.
JAX: Why'd you quit?
(Reggie sighs)
REGGIE: Huff found out I was banging Little Paul's old lady.
TIG: Ellen?
Jesus, man.
CLAY: So what happened?
REGGIE: Huff kept it quiet, said he didn't want to ruin Paul's marriage.
CLAY: Saving it for leverage.
REGGIE: Little Paul and I got word there was a cookhouse out on Copperhead.
Shook down the skinheads who were running it, found out Huff and Benny had set it up.
Used the club's weight to get it done and nobody at the table had any idea that it was happening.
Then we get a call from Huff and Benny saying Little Paul had been g*n down by Mexican bangers.
No other witnesses.
JAX: And when you thr*at to out him, Huff played the leverage.
REGGIE: Yeah.
Huff said he was gonna tell the g*ng that I was banging Ellen.
I'd be drummed out, Ellen'd get shunned-- no compensation, nobody to look out after her.
I didn't want it to ruin her life, too.
I walked away.
BOBBY: Yeah, well, once you and Little Paul were gone, Huff voted it in legit.
(phone rings)
REGGIE: Look, I don't want this getting back to the club.
CLAY: I can't make that promise.
I can promise you we'll take care of Ellen.
JUICE: Yo, Luis called.
Romeo wants to meet.
CLAY: Uh, get a 20 on those skinheads, will you?
TIG: Yeah.
TARA: Piney.
You okay?
PINEY: Yeah, I just-- sorry, I, I just let myself in.
TARA: It's okay.
What's, uh, what's going on?
PINEY: Uh, you remember those questions you were asking me a few months back about John?
Then you said you read something.
TARA: Yeah.
PINEY: What was it?
TARA: Well, you shut me down when I tried to tell you.
Why do you want to know now?
PINEY: Because the club is headed into troubled waters and maybe there's something in whatever you read, helps me to keep the boat from, you know, rocking too much.
TARA (chuckles): Those are some really vague metaphors for a guy as direct as you.
PINEY: I want to read whatever it is.
John was my friend. I have a right.
TARA: Bullshit.
What do you need it for?
PINEY: I can't tell you.
TARA: Hmm, then neither can I.
PINEY: Hey.
I need some g*dd*mn leverage.
And that pointed history you read may be... GEMMA: - Oh, sorry.
TARA (groans): You know, most civil people would knock before entering.
GEMMA: I'm not most people.
CHUCK: And she's definitely not civil.
GEMMA: What are we, George and Gracie now?
Sorry to interrupt.
PINEY: That's okay, we're done.
TARA: No, no, no, no.
We should finish. I'll be right back.
What do you need?
GEMMA: I wanna sign you up for a committee-- Charming Central Gardens.
Need to raise money to save it.
TARA: I can't. I'm already on three committees here.
GEMMA: I just need your name.
It means a lot to get a doctor involved.
Attracts donors. TARA: - Gemma, I can't.
GEMMA: It's a chance to help this town.
TARA: What's your angle on this?
Why do you give a shit about an overgrown park?
GEMMA: Nate taught me how to plant seed in that overgrown park.
I am not gonna let 'em gut it and put up a g*dd*mn Starbucks.
CHUCKY: Tara, it's Piney. S... Something wrong!
(labored breathing)
CLAY: Sorry about this morning, man; won't happen again.
ROMEO: Who was it?
CLAY: Ah, local law.
Harassing one of our charters down here.
We got it handled.
ROMEO: Good.
JAX: From now on, we'll just be sending four guys down with the truck.
Lower profile.
Our Tucson charter will run protection once we're here.
ROMEO: Have we heard from our friends in Belfast?
CLAY: I talked to the Kings.
They're working on that big ticket order for you.
They're gonna want a face-to- face before that sale can happen.
ROMEO: I'm always available.
LUIS: We're all set.
LUIS: Location for the exchange, South Tucson, farm equipment repair yard. 10:00.
CLAY: - Great. See ya then. ROMEO: - See ya. Vámonos.
LUIS: We trust these guys?
ROMEO: Not till we need to.
GRAD: Luis Torres, Special Forces Airmobile Group.
Intelligence.
Masters in Logistics, Universidad Veracruzana, Lieutenant First Class... POTTER: - Commanding Officer, Romeo Parada.
GRAD: Yep.
Left Special Forces two weeks after his C.O.
Last known tour of duty, Galindo Cartel.
POTTER: A trench is a trench.
GRAD: Looks like we're back on RICO.
POTTER: Just in time, we're outta snacks.
Call Sacramento.
Tell 'em all our players are in the game and I need money.
GRAD: Where you going?
POTTER: To the place where bikers go to die.
ARMANDO: What the hell is this all about, Clay?
We should be gearing up for tonight.
CLAY: Meet Achey.
Skinhead meth cooker.
About five months ago, Little Paul and Reggie found out Achey here was cooking for Huff and Benny.
HUFF (chuckles): What?
CLAY: They told his crew it was a SAMTAZ drug operation.
Ain't that right, Achey?
HUFF: This is bullshit!
We-We took a vote.
JAX: Yeah, after you k*lled Little Paul and blackmailed Reggie out of the club.
HUFF: Come on, man.
ARMANDO: You know what you're doing here?
CLAY: I'm accusing the VP and the Sergeant of using the MC to their own ends.
And then when they got caught, they k*lled a member... and blackmailed another.
BENNY: This is crazy, man.
This guy's a g*dd*mn tweaker.
CHIBS: Yeah, but this guy's not.
Reg has the whole story.
CLAY: It's your charter, man.
Listen to the facts.
You make your decision.
But if you find out that your club got into crank on a lie, you need to vote it again.
HUFF: I'm not listening to this shit.
ARMANDO: Sit down, Huff.
HUFF: You gonna listen to his bullshit?
ARMANDO: I said sit down.
HUFF: You little bitch...!
(groans)
CLAY: You having trouble with the grip?
(Huff groans)
JAX: Handle your business.
We'll be at the truck stop.
(Huff groaning)
(monitor beeping)
PINEY (sighs): Can I get out of here now?
TARA: Dr. Geller wants to keep you in for 24 hours.
(Piney groans)
Just observation.
PINEY: It's my oxygen levels.
It happens once in a while.
TARA: The alcohol isn't helping.
PINEY: Yeah, I know.
I'm-I'm sorry I was so hard on you before.
TARA: Mm, it's okay.
Tell me about John Teller.
What was he like?
PINEY: He was a complicated guy.
Angry, impulsive...
(chuckles) Just righteous as hell.
Hated being wrong.
Not much of an education. Book smart, though.
He used to, um... devour three and four of 'em at a time.
He was loyal.
Too loyal.
TARA: That sounds familiar.
PINEY: Yeah, they're cut from the same cloth.
You know what I want to know?
Why my best friend was afraid when he died.
TARA: I found some of JT's old letters.
He was trying to get the club out of the g*n business.
He knew it was a risk.
Clay and the others were invested.
PINEY: Trying to get them out how?
TARA: From what I read, he had set up a meeting in Belfast with some IRA members and a priest.
PINEY: - Kellan Ashby. TARA: - Yes.
John wanted to end the relationship with the Irish, stop the club from selling g*n.
He was k*lled before that meeting happened.
GEMMA: Hey, how we doing?
TARA: Okay.
We're gonna run some more tests.
Make sure he's s*ab.
GEMMA: Just give him some tequila, that'll do it.
TARA: I'll check in on you later.
(sighs)
GEMMA: What you doing, old man?
What do you want with Tara?
PINEY: She's just, uh, helping me grow old gracefully.
GEMMA: I know you're bumping up against Clay.
That bullshit you fed me the other day.
PINEY: It wasn't bullshit, it was the truth.
You all just refuse to look at it.
GEMMA: Well, whatever truth you think Tara can tell you, it's only going to make things worse.
PINEY: - It can't get any worse. GEMMA: - Back off it, Piney.
Leave it alone... before it kills you.
PINEY: That's half the reason I'm doing it.
(Huff and Benny groaning)
JAX: Sorry, man.
ARMANDO: Lost a third of my g*dd*mn club.
BOBBY: Take another vote on the crank?
ARMANDO: Yeah.
It passed. Sorry.
CLAY: Are you sh1tting me?
ARMANDO: Guys got a taste of the money, Clay.
It was unanimous.
We'll arrange another depot to land the truck.
And I'll make damn sure the crank don't get in the way.
You got my word.
CLAY: Shit.
JAX: We better get moving.
ARMANDO: Come on.
CLAY: Not a g*dd*mn word.
GEMMA: Sorry. I, uh, I just wanted to stop by and give you this.
Gold circle club.
Five grand.
RITA: In 20s?
GEMMA: Is that a problem?
RITA: No.
Come on in. I'll get your information.
GEMMA: Oh, no, no, it's not for me.
Dr. Tara Knowles wants to be on your committee.
Here's all her info.
Future daughter-in-law.
RITA: Lucky you.
GEMMA: Yeah-- lucky me.
My d*ad bulbs.
RITA: (chuckles)
GEMMA: Have a good night.
(traditional Mexican tune plays)
CLAY: That's some well-guarded salsa, man.
ROMEO: Wait till you taste it.
CLAY: Chibs, come on, Chibs.
(door creaks)
POTTER: I'm good.
Sorry to interrupt your solitude, Mr. Delaney.
Deputy Sheriff Gabe Marcel, San Joaquin Sheriff's Department.
Just, uh, need a few minutes of your time.
It's regarding the m*rder of your wife, Luann Delaney.
Sanwa Sheriffs recently took over jurisdiction of Charming.
All of Charming P.D's unresolved cases became our responsibility.
I'm following up.
According to the autopsy report, traces of semen were found in your wife's undergarments.
The county was finally able to run the analysis.
Got a match from the system.
A, uh...
Robert Munson.
Known as Bobby Elvis.
A member of your motorcycle club.
Can you tell me anything about their relationship?
And I ask, because in most cases, 87.9% actually, the person having sex with the victim is the perpetrator.
And... It was...
It was a gruesome as*ault.
I understand you've been going through some emotional issues.
Doesn't seem right you're locked up in this box.
I'm going to look into that.
I'll come back a little later when you feel a bit more... settled.
Have a good night.
(jail doors clanging)
CLAY: You always travel this thick, or you expecting heat from the competition?
ROMEO: It's just a precaution.
JAX: Should we be taking that precaution?
ROMEO: Lobo Sonora doesn't know about our deal.
If they did, they would never risk reprisal up north.
LUIS: They h*t us down here, and we're prepared.
CLAY: That you are.
ROMEO: 700,000.
The balance for this order.
Half down for the next.
ROMEO (whistles): Fredo!
Ábrelo.
30 kilos of uncut Colombian cocaine.
LUIS: Give it a safe ride, gentlemen.
ROMEO: We'll be up in a few days to check on the operation.
Buena suerte.
CLAY: Come on, load it up. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "04x04 - Una Venta"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
ROOSEVELT: It's your daddy, Juan Carlos. What would the club do if they found out that you're black? As far as SAMCRO is concerned, you never even existed. If you're lucky enough, you'll walk out alive.
POTTER: Sorry to interrupt your solitude, Mr. Delaney. It's regarding the m*rder of your wife, Luann Delaney. Traces of semen were found in your wife's undergarments. Robert Munson.
GEMMA: You hiding something from me? This fell out of one of Abel's coloring books. Letters from John Teller would be very painful for my son to read.
TARA: They found some of JT's old letters. John wanted to end the relationship with the Irish, stop the club from selling g*n. He was k*lled before that meeting happened.
GEMMA: Tara had a copy of the accident report. Now you only pull something like that if you have suspicions.
ALVAREZ: Clay, Jax-- Romero Parada.
ROMEO: Friends call me Romeo.
JAX: Sig 551's.
LUIS: These are excellent. Let's set up a shipment for every two weeks.
JAX: We can make that work.
ROMEO: I'll have the coke ready for you for the run back.
CLAY: Sounds good.
PINEY: Your old man wants us running drugs for the cartel.
CLAY: You ever try to end-run me through my old lady again, I'll slit your throat.
ROMEO: 30 kilos of uncut Colombian cocaine.
GEMMA: Jesus, Otto.
What the hell happened?
OTTO: Means to an end.
GEMMA: I'm sorry, sweetheart.
What do you need from me?
OTTO: Luann-- I got to know something.
This sheriff paid me a visit.
His office took over the homicide.
Found semen on Luann.
Bobby's.
GEMMA: Are you serious?
OTTO: I saw the report.
DNA's legit.
So were the stats.
The last guy tapping a bitch-- usually the one who k*lled her.
GEMMA: Bobby didn't k*ll Luann, Otto.
OTTO: Someone did.
GEMMA: I don't know what you want me to do.
OTTO: I want you to ask Clay a question.
What would it feel like... to lose the one he loved the most?
You tell the club, you tell the guy who was bedding my wife, they need to find the scumbag who k*lled her.
ALVAREZ: Jax.
JAX: How you doing?
ALVAREZ: Heard it was a good trip.
CLAY: Good as it gets, bro.
ALVAREZ: Cut-n-bag won't be up and running till tomorrow.
CLAY: All right.
Guess we'll babysit till then.
ALVAREZ: I'll set up the pick-up.
JAX: Hey, amigo.
You forgetting something?
ALVAREZ: They're just here to help.
JAX: Thanks. We can handle it.
ALVAREZ: Once that shipment hits north Cali, keeping it safe lands on me.
CLAY: One guy.
ALVAREZ: Rafi, stick around, huh?
Let's go.
JAX: Miles, lock those crates in the g*n room.
No one gets in.
MILES: Right.
JAX: Phil and Rat Boy on the front and back.
MILES: Okay.
CLAY: All right, everybody grab some sleep.
Be at the club house by noon.
(motorcycle engine starting)
ROOSEVELT: Welcome home.
How was the bike show?
JUICE: Our P.O. signed off on the run.
ROOSEVELT: I'm going to set up random piss tests.
Let's us get together and chat private.
JUICE: Blow me.
ROOSEVELT: You know, save the bad ass.
Your M.C. ain't gonna give a shit about you being loyal or hard.
'Cause all they're gonna see is black.
Now this is a simple trade, Juice.
You give me some truth and I'll protect yours.
JUICE: Truth about what?
ROOSEVELT: My sources inside Oaktown's g*ng unit say a major player surfaced in northern Cali-- Galindo Cartel.
If I find out that you guys are bringing weight into Sanwa, I will cripple you.
JUICE: Where the hell you going with this?
ROOSEVELT: I'm not going after your club.
I'm going after the drugs.
JUICE: You're a sheriff, man.
You ain't got the reach for any of this shit.
ROOSEVELT: I got important friends.
JUICE: How important?
ROOSEVELT: I will let you know.
TARA: (chuckles)
JAX: Hey.
TARA: Oh, hello.
JAX: Hey.
JAX: What's happening?
(smooches)
TARA: Say hi.
JAX: Missed you guys.
I missed you too, Mama.
Yes, and you.
TARA: How was your trip?
JAX: Good.
Brought you a souvenir.
TARA: Wow.
From the motorcycle show.
I can't wait.
Wow.
JAX: Got to put it in the safety deposit box in your name.
There's going to be a lot more.
TARA: All in cash?
JAX: No strings, no tax.
This is real, babe.
Just like I promised you.
Talk to my mom, she knows the drill.
TARA: Okay.
JAX: Okay.
TARA: Okay.
♪ Riding through this world all alone God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own the crow flies straight a perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed until you die gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
JAX: Otto reached out.
Our sheriff has a new lead on Luann's m*rder.
CLAY: Told him they found cum in her panties. DNA came back a match.
JAX: They didn't give a name, but has to be someone who's been through the system.
JUICE: Georgie Caruso.
JAX: That's always been my guess.
CLAY: Should have handled this Luann shit when it first happened.
Old ladies-- they got a way of coming back and biting you in the ass.
JAX: If Roosevelt does have proof, he's going to go after Caruso.
We got to get to him first.
CLAY: Might want it to happen before Otto gets out of the infirmary and loses visitation.
I want a brother to look him in the eye and tell him it's been handled.
He deserves that.
JUICE: Ope, you think that Lyla will help us find Georgie?
OPIE: Yeah, maybe.
She's on a sh**t today.
CHIBS: Beautiful thing-- girls in love.
CLAY: Before we all sail off to the isle of Lesbos... For a job well done.
CLAY: This is for Cappy and Miles.
Keep this in the safe till they get back.
Okay, fellas, that's it.
If you don't want that, I'm sure I can find somebody that would be happy to spend it for you.
PINEY: Close the door when you leave.
PINEY: JT would have never touched drugs.
CLAY: JT was a good businessman.
He would have seen the value in this.
PINEY: John knew that anything that brought too much heat was bad for the club.
That's why he changed his mind about the g*n.
Remember?
CLAY: Yeah, he talked about, uh, getting us out.
PINEY: No, he did more than talk.
He reached out to Kellan.
Set a meet with the IRA.
Made a decision to get us out of the g*n-running business.
A decision that you couldn't let him live with.
CLAY: Your near-death experience gets you talking to ghosts, old man?
PINEY: Nah, not exactly.
We found some old letters.
John's handwriting.
Proof that he wanted out.
Proof that he feared you would do something to stop him.
Before that meet could ever happen, John Teller was m*rder.
And the letters-- they paint a vivid picture of who did it.
CLAY: JT laid his bike down on 580, was crushed by a semi.
It was an accident.
PINEY: We'll never know.
Lowell Senior disappeared the next week, and he was the only one JT trusted to work on his bike.
CLAY: Just what do you get out of this?
PINEY: It's not about me.
You k*ll the drug muling, or I'll let the rest of the club read the letters.
CLAY: You ain't got any letters.
(Piney laughs)
PINEY: Okay.
Doesn't matter to me.
Either way, I get what I want.
CLAY: It's a g*dd*mn cartel.
I just can't walk away from the deal.
PINEY: Sure, you can.
You got till the end of the week to figure it out.
And in case you're still thinking about slitting my throat, I wouldn't.
I have, uh... contingencies in place.
BOBBY: You told Clay I was banging Luann?
JAX: No, man.
The sheriff did give Otto a name-- yours.
We're protecting you.
(Bobby sighs)
BOBBY: Shit. Otto knows.
JAX: Yeah. Look, obviously, we know you didn't k*ll Luann.
BOBBY: Sheriff's got my DNA.
Why haven't they questioned me?
JAX: I don't know.
Just fishing, I guess.
Roosevelt knows that your DNA doesn't prove you k*lled Luann, so, just stirring shit up.
Seeing if Otto reacts, and maybe gives you up on something else.
BOBBY: Otto would never turn on the club.
JAX: If anything could do it, it would be Luann.
We got to end this. Today.
CLAY: Get a 20 on Georgie.
I got to head up to Unser's.
JAX: What's going on?
CLAY: Nothing.
I just got to lock down a truck for the next shipment.
JAX: You got to do it now?
CLAY: Yeah, I do.
(door opening)
GEMMA: What?
CLAY: Piney says he knows I k*lled JT.
thr*at to tell the club.
GEMMA: Are you serious?
He's just had a mortal jolt.
CLAY: He knew shit only me and JT knew.
Says he found some old letters.
Guess maybe Tara did tell somebody.
GEMMA: We don't know that.
CLAY: I'm sure John wrote about how Piney was the only one he trusted.
Makes sense for Tara to turn to him.
GEMMA: Tara would not hurt this family.
CLAY: Old man's protecting himself.
He says he's got contingencies.
There's only one other person who can blow the whistle on us.
GEMMA: - What you're thinking... CLAY: - The history that Tara and Piney know... very dangerous.
GEMMA: You're talking about the co-founder of this club and the mother of our grandchild.
CLAY: I had John Teller k*lled while I was bedding his wife.
It doesn't matter what the reason was.
Jax finds that out, he cuts off my g*dd*mn head, he sticks it on the reaper pole.
Now we got to stop this in its tracks, you and me.
Otherwise, we lose everything.
GEMMA: You told me not to go setting fires.
That's exactly what you're doing here.
We don't know if there's anything thr*at in those letters.
This could be Piney just digging up old suspicions.
And all this shit going on with the cartel.
He is just clawing at you.
We need to find those letters.
Without them, it doesn't matter what anyone knows.
They'll have no proof.
CLAY: Yeah.
All right.
GEMMA: They're not in Jax's house.
They got to be at the hospital.
I'll go find 'em.
CLAY: All right.
GEMMA: And until I do, Clay, nothing happens.
You understand?
Not to Piney.
Not to Tara.
You hurt them, you hurt Jax.
CLAY: I know.
GEMMA: Promise me.
CLAY: I promise.
UNSER: Came out great, Clay.
You guys did an amazing job.
CLAY: Time and money... fixes everything.
UNSER: What do I owe you?
CLAY: Nothing, man.
Consider it my first payment on a long overdue debt.
UNSER: Thanks.
I appreciate that.
What do you need?
CLAY: My interest in Tara the other day... I think she found some of JT's letters.
UNSER: Contents could embarrass?
CLAY: Contents could cripple all of us.
I need you to find them... now.
She probably wouldn't have them in her house, so maybe her car or her office.
UNSER: And if I track 'em down?
CLAY: When you track
'em down, you give 'em to me.
I get rid of them.
UNSER: - That's it? CLAY: - That's it.
(Clay sighs)
UNSER: And if, uh, Tara read them, her knowledge, uh, that a crippling thing, too?
CLAY: Enjoy that Sportster.
GEMMA: Didn't know you were heading up here.
CLAY: Yeah, just setting up the next trucking run.
GEMMA: Hmm.
My weekly bud run.
CLAY: Ah.
GEMMA: See you later.
Love you.
CLAY: Yeah. Love you, too.
(Gemma laughs gently)
(engine starting)
UNSER: I got plenty of dope.
GEMMA: What does he want?
UNSER: Like he said, uh, just trucking shit.
GEMMA: Don't you lie to me.
UNSER: Oh, shit.
I'm between a big rock and a really hard place here, Gemma.
GEMMA: He tasked you to find those letters.
(Unser clears his throat)
g*dd*mn it.
UNSER: He's worried.
GEMMA: Yeah, he's more than worried.
All letters are in Tara's office, locked drawer.
Accordion file.
Grab everything, Wayne.
Tara goes home for lunch.
It'll buy you an hour.
You find them, and you bring 'em to me.
Clay cannot get his hands on those letters.
Understand? UNSER: - Yeah.
LYLA: Georgie's out of the film biz.
Doing some kind of high-end sex toy thing.
JAX: Sex toys, huh?
LYLA: Yeah.
He talked to Dondo about Ima and I doing something with the Saffron Sisters, but I passed.
OPIE: Dondo's her producer-director.
She's under contract.
JAX: Let's go talk to Dondo.
LYLA: Yeah, he's waiting for me on set.
OPIE: I don't need to watch it.
DONDO: Georgie contacted me a few weeks ago.
Said he wanted to use my best seller--
Saffron Sorority Girls.
Said he wanted to make a new run at his dolls.
TIG: Wait, wait, dolls?
DONDO: Yeah.
TIG: What...?
DONDO: Life-sized sex dolls.
Look and feel just like the real thing.
It's a huge market.
JAX: Well, I'm going to need you to call him back, Dondo.
Tell him Sorority Girl number one had a change of heart.
DONDO: And why would I do that?
LYLA: For Luann.
DONDO: You're telling me that Georgie had something to do with Luann's m*rder?
JAX: That's what we're trying to find out.
BOBBY: We need you to get him here.
Let us have a private chat.
DONDO: Yeah, well, I know what that means; that means you're gonna whack him.
JAX: We don't whack people, Dondo.
DONDO: Well, that's too bad, 'cause I'm not going to hook you up unless you crush that hyper douchbag's skull. I loved Luann. She mentored me. She taught me that I was more than just a big cock. I want Georgie d*ad.
BOBBY: Set it up.
UNSER: Shit! Copies!
(Roosevelt sighs)
POTTER: Buenas tardes, Señor Roosevelt. All of our players are in place, including Señor Galindo.
ROOSEVELT: Congratulations.
POTTER: So, where are we with Juan Carlos?
ROOSEVELT: We're close. But he's gonna need some assurances. So you're gonna have to close the deal.
POTTER: We need to set the hook deeper into his mouth before I risk stepping out from behind the magic curtain.
ROOSEVELT: Okay. What? You want him to wear a wire?
POTTER: They're too techno-savvy.
Anti-tap software, bug alarms.
Probably wand the place before every sit-down.
He, uh, confirm a shipment?
ROOSEVELT: He didn't deny it.
POTTER: Have him, uh, pull a sample from the load.
Couple grams.
Lets us confirm point of origin and his level of commitment.
ROOSEVELT: If he gets caught, they'll k*ll him.
POTTER: That's the point.
Proves the risk of getting outed for color is greater than the risk of working with us.
ROOSEVELT: Eh, that's a dangerous way to play the race card.
POTTER: But you see what's at stake here.
ROOSEVELT: Yeah, I do.
But I also know what's at stake for a black sheriff in a white town.
Word gets out that I got someone k*lled leveraging color...
POTTER: Hmm. I'll make sure your involvement with Juan Carlos is stricken from the record.
No credit, no responsibility.
Fair enough?
ROOSEVELT: Yeah. Okay.
AGENT: You know we can't strike him from the record.
Shit's already been upload... POTTER: - Shh, shh, shh.
I'm eating.
(exhales)
(motorcycle approaching)
(engine turns off)
CLAY: What the hell are you doing?
UNSER: I wish I'd have never found 'em.
Lies were easier to stomach.
CLAY: Save the pain and sorrow for my old lady.
UNSER: That's the difference between you and me, Clay-- I actually feel bad for some of the shit I've done.
The lie you fed me about why John Teller needed to die...
CLAY: That wasn't a lie.
UNSER: You told me JT's weakness was gonna bring v*olence to Charming.
w*r brewing with the Mayans.
CLAY: That was true.
UNSER: Not according to those.
JT wasn't weak, he was conflicted.
He wanted to end g*n, go legit.
That's why you k*lled him, had me cover it up.
CLAY: The only thing I ever asked you to do was to lose a little paperwork to protect my club and your town.
I don't regret that.
UNSER: JT suspected you made two attempts to k*ll him.
Details are in there.
You regret any of that?
CLAY: John was delusional with grief.
UNSER: And Gemma?
She delusional, too?
Does she know the real reason why you k*lled her old man?
CLAY: What's the matter, Chief?
You afraid the love of your life betrayed you, too?
GEORGIE: This is a smart business, Dondo.
You package videos with the dolls.
You tie in personal appearances.
Huge dough.
Son of a bitch!
CHIBS: Georgie, we need to talk.
IMA: I didn't do anything!
JAX: Hey, hey! Whoa, whoa!
OPIE: Shit. Get out of here.
TIG: Go.
(groaning)
JAX: Bobby!
Hey, hey, chill!
TIG: Chill out!
CLAY: These are copies.
The originals are still out there.
UNSER: I searched her whole office.
Those were in her desk drawer.
All she had.
CLAY: Some of it was too burnt to read.
Who knows what else was in there?
UNSER: What are you going to do?
CLAY: I'm going to protect both of us.
CHIBS: Problems?
JUICE: A little crisis at Clear Passages.
CHIBS: Smokers or shitters?
JUICE: Both.
CHIBS: Go. We got this.
JUICE: Thanks, man.
GEMMA: Been waiting on your call.
You b*rned them?
UNSER: The shit John wrote-- too painful for you to read.
Sorry.
GEMMA: Yeah, it's okay.
It's done.
Thank you, Wayne.
UNSER: Yeah. You're welcome, sweetheart.
ROOSEVELT: My friend the string-puller, now he needs a little bit of good faith.
JUICE: You must be kidding me with this shit.
ROOSEVELT: That shipment that you muled out of Tucson?
He wants a sample.
If it's uncut, it has markers and the lab can isolate the region.
JUICE: There's no coke.
ROOSEVELT: You tell me who's pushing it out in Sanwa.
We connect the cartel, leave SAMCRO out of it.
(sighs)
Look... I just want things to get back to normal.
Your M.C.'s out of drugs, your daddy back in the color closet.
It's a lose-lose if you fight me, Juice.
I'll give you two days.
CLAY: Georgie.
We missed you.
JAX: He ain't giving it up on Luann.
GEORGIE: Jesus Christ, Clay, can you talk some sense into these psychos?
CLAY: Hey, these are my rational guys.
I get Happy down here, ball gag takes on a whole new meaning.
GEORGIE: I didn't k*ll Luann.
CLAY: Yes, you did.
JAX: Let's do it.
GEORGIE: Whoa, whoa, please.
Wait, I got money!
I got millions! Oh!
I got millions, Clay!
Anything you want!
Anything!
CLAY: Wow, these sex dolls must be selling like sex dolls.
GEORGIE: Dream Dolls.
I got Asian backing.
Billionaire sex freaks.
I'm serious.
BOBBY: I got this.
GEORGIE: - No. CLAY: - Hold it.
These Asians, they looking for any other investments?
GEORGIE: All the time.
CLAY: He telling the truth?
DONDO: Yeah. Natsuki family.
Huge Japanese money.
BOBBY: What the hell we doing here?
CLAY: I think maybe we can use Georgie.
JAX: You talking about the Asians?
CLAY: Yeah.
Gemma found out there's a ticking clock on Charming Heights.
Hale's still looking for investors.
If Georgie can front load his guys, make Hale think they're his salvation...
JAX: Then we pull 'em out at the last minute.
CLAY: Yeah, all we got to do is convince City Council to stomp on Hale's dream.
BOBBY: What the hell do we tell Otto?
CLAY: What the hell do you tell Otto?
JAX: Tell him the truth.
The club needs Georgie alive for a minute.
That's a post-dated check.
As soon as we shut down Hale, we cut Georgie's heart out.
DONDO: What's going on, guys?
BOBBY: All right. All right.
JAX: Hold on to that big dick of yours, Dondo.
We'll keep you posted.
FILTHY PHIL: Everything cool, man?
JUICE: Yeah. Just had to check something at the weed shop.
Figured I'd come by.
See how watch is going.
FILTHY PHIL: All quiet, man.
It's kind of peaceful out here.
JUICE: Where are the rest of the guys?
FILTHY PHIL: Rat's on a coffee run.
Miles and the Mayan are somewhere around back.
JUICE: Well, I'm just going to do a walk-through.
FILTHY PHIL: Juice, you in there, man?
JUICE: Shit.
(door rattling)
JUICE: What's up?
Why aren't you out front?
FILTHY PHIL: Kind of lonely, I guess.
JUICE: I'll be right out.
FILTHY PHIL: Okay.
(door opening)
RAFI: Hey. What are you doing?
JUICE: Just checking on my guys.
It's all good.
See you in the morning.
FILTHY PHIL: Okay, good night.
(motorcycle engines revving)
JUICE: Shit.
Oh, shit, oh, shit.
Oh, shit, shit.
GEMMA: You got home late.
Everything okay?
CLAY: Yeah.
Just handling that Otto thing.
It's handled.
GEMMA: Good.
CLAY: What's this?
GEMMA: The letters.
Found them in Tara's office.
Locked in a desk drawer.
Mostly just, uh, love letters to Maureen.
Painful shit.
I had to burn 'em.
CLAY: Sorry.
GEMMA: It's done, baby.
Piney's suspicions don't mean shit.
Nobody can hurt us.
CLAY: Yeah.
Thank God.
CLIPPER: You looking for Ope?
JAX: Why, is he here?
CLIPPER: Yeah. Apartment.
(knocking)
OPIE: Yeah?
JAX: Hey.
What you doing here?
OPIE: Rough night.
IMA: Well... Morning.
JAX: Really rough.
Guess I'll leave you to it.
OPIE: You should go.
JAX: Did you lose your mind?
Hey!
Hey, you got a family, man.
You got a new wife.
Getting your dick sucked by a croweater's one thing, but... OPIE: - I know.
JAX: Do you?
OPIE: I found birth control, morning after pills in Lyla's stuff.
This whole time that I've been trying to have kids, she's been k*lling it off.
JAX: Oh, God.
Tapping that crazy bitch is your solution?
OPIE: Worked for you.
JAX: Yeah, I guess I had that coming.
What's going on?
OPIE: I don't know.
I keep trying to force things and the shit don't fit.
And Lyla... None of it feels real.
I mean, I miss...
I miss Donna.
(engine starting)
BOBBY: How you holding up, brother?
OTTO: You got something to tell me?
BOBBY: Sorry.
I got no excuse.
It just happened.
OTTO: How long?
BOBBY: A few months.
OTTO: Did you love her?
BOBBY: No.
And she didn't love me.
You were the only one who mattered.
OTTO: You find him?
BOBBY: Yeah.
Georgie Caruso-- he's the one who k*lled her.
OTTO: You finish it?
BOBBY: Yeah.
We took him out.
ALVAREZ: Good work, brothers.
CHIBS: That's it?
OPIE: That's it.
CHIBS: We're one brick light.
CLAY: What are you talking about?
CHIBS: I'm talking about there should be 30 keys here.
ALVAREZ: 29.
CHIBS: Yeah. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "04x05 - Brick"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
IMA: Morning.
JAX: Hey, you got a family. You got a new wife.
OPIE: I found birth control pills in Lyla's stuff. This whole time that I've been trying to have kids, she's been k*lling it off.
GEMMA: You hiding something from me? This fell out of one of Abel's coloring books. Letters from John Teller would be very painful. Could set things off with Clay again.
CLAY: The history that Tara and Piney know-- very dangerous. These are copies.
UNSER: I searched her whole office-- all she had. What are you going to do?
CLAY: I'm going to protect both of us.
ALVAREZ: Clay, Jax-- Romero Parada.
ROMEO: Friends call me Romeo.
JAX: Sig 551's.
ROMEO: I'll have the coke ready for you for the run back. 30 kilos of uncut Colombian cocaine.
ROOSEVELT: That's your daddy. What would the club do if they found out that you're black? Well, first they'll pull your patch. Then they'd make you scrape the ink.
POTTER: Have him pull a sample from the load. A couple grams.
ROOSEVELT: If he gets caught, they'll k*ll him.
POTTER: That's the point.
CHIBS: We're one brick light.
There should be 30 keys here.
ALVAREZ: Then why am I only looking at 29 bricks?
JAX: Why don't you ask your boy here?
RAFI: Ask yours, assh*le.
MILES: We didn't take the blow.
ALVAREZ: Well, somebody did.
JUICE: It was all there before 10:00.
I came by after I h*t the weed shop and did a walk-through.
Ask him.
RAFI: Yeah, he was here at 9:30.
ALVAREZ: So you were the last one here?
JUICE: Yeah, I stuck a key of blow down my pants and just walked out.
Douchebag.
JAX: Hey!
TIG: Whoa! Hold down!
CLAY: Now k*lling each other ain't gonna solve anything.
TIG: Come on, let's go.
ALVAREZ: Get out.
JAX: It's all right, bro, go on.
CLAY: Oswald's got cameras at all the entrances.
I'll make sure nobody snuck in under our noses.
ALVAREZ: Rafi's a straight-up soldier, ese.
Been with me 15 years.
It wasn't him.
JAX: It wasn't Juice.
ALVAREZ: And the other one?
He's a new patch, right?
JAX: Miles. I doubt it.
ALVAREZ: The prospects?
CLAY: We'll look into them.
JAX: And you press Rafi.
You make sure there's no outside pressures you don't know about.
ALVAREZ: We got to do this fast.
Romeo's coming up to check out the operation.
He's gonna want to see his blow.
JAX: We'll leave it here for now.
Tell him you didn't pick it up yet.
Buys us a little more time.
ALVAREZ: Well, let's hope we're not another brick shy.
CLAY: Relax.
ALVAREZ: Relax?
You know who we're dealing with here, ese?
What happens if the cartel thinks you're playing them?
CLAY: Yeah, I do.
ALVAREZ: Good.
Now we find the bitch who took it, it don't matter Mayan or Son, he's d*ad.
JAX: No way this was Juice.
CLAY: Miles is too stupid to rip us off.
Phil or Rat Boy.
JAX: How?
The room was locked.
They didn't even know what they were protecting.
CLAY: They knew it was something worth protecting.
Nobody else makes any sense.
JAX: Shit.
I'm gonna call Happy.
TARA: Elyda took Abel with her on a Target run.
I'll come back for him after my staff meeting.
GEMMA: How's Elyda working out?
TARA: She's good.
Abel likes her.
She's teaching him Spanish.
GEMMA: Just keep her away from Tig.
CABBY: That's $18.25, please.
WOMAN: All right, hold on.
GEMMA: Oh, Christ.
TARA: Who's that?
GEMMA: Half of Satan's spawn.
Here. Take the baby.
WOMAN: Mama Gemma.
GEMMA: Hi, baby.
Daddy's not here, Dawnie.
DAWN: It's Margeaux now, with an X.
GEMMA: Oh.
DAWN: He doesn't know I'm coming.
(knocking)
Sorry.
Got a 20?
GEMMA: Yeah.
Dawn's here.
Here you go. Keep the change.
TARA: Hey, I'm Tara.
DAWN: Hey.
CHUCKY: Can I help you with this?
DAWN: Holy shit.
Are those things real?
CHUCKY: - No. I mean, yes, they exist, but... GEMMA: - Hey, where's your sister?
DAWN: That's why I'm here.
She's bad.
I need my daddy.
(sobbing)
GEMMA: Track down Tig.
CLAY: How'd Otto take it?
BOBBY: He gets it.
JAX: How'd you take it?
BOBBY: I'm fine. How we going to handle this problem?
TIG: All right, he's ready.
Let's go.
FILTHY PHIL: Clay, we didn't take any coke.
Shit, me and Rat, we didn't even know what the hell was in there.
RAT BOY: It wasn't us. It had to be the Mayan.
He was off by himself most of the night.
CLAY: We'll get to the truth.
(blow landing)
(Miles screaming)
MILES: No! No!
FILTHY PHIL: Oh, Jesus Christ.
MILES: No! No! No!
(screaming)
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
HAPPY: Next.
JAX: You're up, Rat.
RAT BOY: We didn't take the blow, man.
CLAY: Tell that to Happy.
RAT BOY: This is bullshit!
I'm not going to be taken apart by that psycho.
FILTHY PHIL: Come on, Clay, he didn't take it.
None of us did. This is... This is crazy.
HAPPY: I'm waiting.
JAX: Maybe there's a simpler way to do this.
IG: Clay.
I got a thing at T.M.
Uh... My kid just showed up.
BOBBY: Which one?
TIG: The crazy one.
JAX: Which one?
TIG: Yeah, I know.
BOBBY: I'm going with him.
CLAY: I think we can handle it.
In the g*n room.
Now!
GEMMA: Your dad's on the way.
You need anything, you just ask Mr. Happy Hands.
DAWN: - Thank you. GEMMA: - Yeah.
GEMMA: It's 9:00.
PINEY: Yes, it is.
TARA: Hey, I'm late.
GEMMA: - Bye, honey. TARA: - Bye.
IMA: Good morning.
TARA: What are you doing here?
IMA: I was a guest.
TARA: Whose?
IMA: Is that really any of your business?
GEMMA: You should make it our business.
IMA: I was invited.
TARA: Invitation's over.
GEMMA: Now would be a good time to get your shit and get out.
Bitch, she will rip your little tits off.
Stop drinking.
Watch the kid.
Did Jax come home last night?
TARA: That's not the point. She shouldn't be here.
I hate this shit.
GEMMA: I know, baby.
TARA: Great, here comes another one.
GEMMA: Be nice.
LYLA: You guys seen Ope?
GEMMA: Uh, I think he's with the guys.
LYLA: Okay.
He didn't come home last night.
I'm just worried.
GEMMA: Uh, I think they had a late one.
I'm sure he just crashed here.
LYLA: Okay.
GEMMA: - Something wrong? LYLA: - No.
GEMMA: Really?
LYLA: We're struggling a little.
A lot of distance. We don't talk much.
GEMMA: It's just lizard brain, baby.
Happens to all guys when they get married.
TARA: Yeah.
Just give it some time.
(motorcycle engines revving)
LYLA: Okay. Thanks.
GEMMA: Mm-hmm.
TARA: That felt shitty.
GEMMA: Yeah, not our business.
BOBBY: Hey.
Wh-what, she looking for Ope?
GEMMA: Oh, shit.
LYLA: Where is she?
PINEY: Where's who, darling?
LYLA: What are you doing here?
IMA: Nobody says "good morning" anymore.
LYLA: You spend the night?
IMA: You don't want to know, sweetie.
LYLA: You backstabbing little gash.
IMA: Hey, I was just following his lead.
Married p*ssy is boring p*ssy.
TIG: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
(Lyla shrieks)
IMA: Hey, I will blow a hole straight through that pretty little yammy of yours.
LYLA: Why him?
IMA: You want answers, sweetheart?
Go ask the cock that was inside me last night.
(sobbing)
TIG: Get out. Get out.
TARA: Keep that .38 close, bitch.
You're going to need it.
(sighs)
TIG: - Hey, baby. DAWN: - Daddy.
TIG: - Oh, it's so nice to see you. GEMMA: - You okay?
TARA: Yeah.
GEMMA: Call Ope.
BOBBY: Yeah.
JAX: It's about commitment.
Love for the club.
You get through this, we'll know you had nothing to do with the missing brick.
OPIE: You can't, p*ssy out.
Means you ain't straight with why you're here.
Also means you probably ripped us off.
FILTHY PHIL: Is there really a b*llet in there?
JAX: One round.
Five empty chambers.
Only have to pull the trigger once.
CHIBS: It's the best odds you're going to get.
(hammer cocks)
FILTHY PHIL: Shit.
Please.
(click)
(phone ringing)
JAX: Your turn.
RAT BOY: No way there's a real b*llet in there.
If it went off, that'd be like m*rder.
JAX: What's your point?
RAT BOY: Jesus Christ.
You're really going to make... JAX: - Are you in or out?
(yells)
(click)
(retching)
(Filthy Phil gagging)
OPIE: Yo, we got a problem.
JAX: Yeah.
CLAY: Where you guys going?
OPIE: Domestic problem at the clubhouse.
JAX: Psycho p*rn star pulled a g*n on Gemma and the girls.
CLAY: Jesus Christ. Are they all right?
OPIE: Going to find out.
JUICE: Clay, I really think these guys are telling the truth.
JAX: Yeah, prospects made it through roulette.
CLAY: Check in with Alvarez.
See if we can get an ETA on Romeo.
CHIBS: Done.
And you need to go with them.
They think you're in the E.R.
So, what... what do I do with these guys?
JAX: Cage match?
CLAY: Yeah.
CHIBS: Lovely.
(engines starting)
DAWN: I didn't know where else to go.
Fawn's going to do some serious damage to herself if we don't do something, Dad.
TIG: When... when did all this go down, Dawny?
DAWN: It's Margeaux.
BOBBY: With an "X."
TIG: Oh.
Uh, this... this does not sound like your sister.
How long has she been puking?
DAWN: She's always had weird food stuff.
TIG: Since when?
DAWN: Since she was like five.
She used to count how many Cheerios she ate.
We got to get her in treatment.
TIG: Well, what's your mother say?
DAWN: Colleen's got a head full of 12-step bullshit.
It's all about boundaries and detachment.
TIG: Jesus.
DAWN: There's a private rehab down in Orange County.
Like, a 30-day thing.
They have an opening.
TIG: Okay.
DAWN: But it's not cheap.
$12,000.
BOBBY (chuckling): 12 K?
I can, uh, teach her to stop binging for nothing.
CHUCK: Really?
DAWN: This is serious, Dad.
We're going to lose her.
TIG: Okay.
Okay.
DAWN: Okay, you'll help her?
TIG: Yeah.
Yeah, baby, we'll... we'll... we'll go together.
We'll... we'll check her in.
DAWN: No.
No, it's got to just be me.
She'll get too embarrassed.
She won't go, Dad.
TIG: All right.
Um, it's going to take a... a minute for me to pull all the cash together.
Can you stick around for a while?
DAWN: - Sure. TIG: - Okay.
Come on.
Come on.
CLAY: You okay?
GEMMA: Yeah.
OPIE: Where's Lyla?
GEMMA: Clubhouse.
JAX: Ima?
GEMMA: She took off.
She said some cruel shit, Ope.
This may be none of my business, but you hooking up...
JAX: Mom, don't.
GEMMA: Bitch pulled a g*n on me.
OPIE: No, she's right. It's my shit.
JAX: Whoa!
PINEY: Your dick almost got people k*lled.
I don't even know who you are anymore.
TARA: Put some ice on it.
OPIE: Okay, thanks.
JAX: You okay?
TARA: What do you think?
OPIE: Doc seems a little pissed.
JAX: She's just reliving my shit.
OPIE: Well, at least she gave you a pass.
Don't figure I got one of those coming.
JAX: Getting knocked up and kidnapped kind of wipes the slate clean.
I wouldn't recommend it as a fix.
OPIE: I don't even know if I want another kid, man.
I just figured it's what we needed.
JAX: Gets her out of the life.
OPIE: Yep.
JAX: Maybe she doesn't want out.
JAX: Tara.
Hey, hey.
I'm sorry.
TARA: You know what this means, right?
JAX: Yes.
TARA: I have to be able to trust you.
JAX: I'm not the one who slept with her.
TARA: This isn't about Opie. It's about... this. How you guys treat women.
JAX: Don't condemn the whole club.
TARA: You know what I mean. It isn't just a deal breaker anymore, Jax. I'm the mother of your sons. You hurt me, you hurt all of us.
JAX: I'm not going to hurt you.
(engine starting)
GEMMA: Sting of that betrayal ain't going to fade.
JAX: I know.
GEMMA: I'd make sure it doesn't happen again.
(knocks on glass)
CLAY: Best to be awake while doing surveillance. She just left. What are you going to do, just follow her around the rest of her life? That don't sound like fun.
UNSER: I don't give a shit about me. I just don't want anybody else to get hurt.
CLAY: Me, neither.
Especially you.
By law or by the hands of the club... I go down, you go down.
That's just the simple truth of it, Wayne.
CHIBS: We know one of you is telling the truth and one of you is not.
Up to you two to decide which is which.
HAPPY: No one comes out of this room until we have an answer.
FILTHY PHIL: What does that mean?
We're supposed to k*ll each other?
JUICE: We just need the truth.
CHIBS: Burden's on you to find it.
Or you're both d*ad.
(door slams)
MILES: Clay, I got the footage from the warehouse.
I checked the cameras.
No one but our guys came in or out.
It was all quiet.
CLAY: All right, then.
Head back up there, and, uh, give that back to Oswald's guy.
MILES: Okay.
(sniffles)
LYLA: Were you drunk?
OPIE: No.
LYLA: Why?
OPIE: I found the birth control in your dressing room.
(sniffles)
LYLA: You did it to get even?
OPIE: I don't know.
Look, I know you don't want another kid.
LYLA: I had an abortion.
OPIE: What?
LYLA: Last year.
Before the guys went inside.
OPIE: Mine?
LYLA: Yeah.
OPIE: I'll have Mary take the kids.
I'll crash at the clubhouse.
You tell me what you want to do.
CHIBS: Very quiet.
JUICE: You really think they took it?
CHIBS: Do you?
JUICE: Who knows?
CHIBS: Well, that's why they're in there.
JUICE: Do you ever push back against the rules?
Some of them are pretty hardcore.
CHIBS: Knew what they were when we signed up.
JUICE: The black thing ever bother you?
With Fiona, and all?
CHIBS: Fiona was an old lady.
JUICE: Yeah, I know, but still.
CHIBS: Listen, the rules have been around since day one.
Different time.
I'm not saying I agree with them all.
But you know, if I start picking and choosing which ones to follow, then... the whole thing just falls apart.
JUICE: Yeah.
CLAY: That was Alvarez.
Romeo wants to come see the warehouse, pick up his parts.
JAX: - Shit. CLAY: - Yeah.
JAX: What about Rafi?
CLAY: Pressed him pretty hard.
He's convinced it wasn't him.
JAX: Well, what if we're convinced it wasn't one of our guys?
CLAY: It had to be one of the prospects.
We gave them a chance.
Call Chibs. Let him know.
Yeah.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
CLAY: Hey, man.
Sometimes the herd needs thinning.
CHIBS: Romeo'll be here in an hour.
We've got to put one of these guys down.
JUICE: Are you serious?
CHIBS: Yeah.
JUICE: Jesus Christ.
It's bad enough we scared the shit out of them with the g*n bluff.
CHIBS: It's the only way to calm the cartel.
They're going to want a guilty body, and if we don't give it to them, they're going to take it as a sign of weakness.
Then they're going to want more blood.
I don't have any options.
JUICE: Hold up.
For all we know, Alvarez is playing us.
Him vouching for his own guy?
What the hell does that prove?
CHIBS: Juicy.
It's out of your hands.
JUICE: Hey.
Gotta give Phil and Rat one last chance.
JUICE: There's a guy on his way.
Expecting all that coke to be here.
That missing kilo isn't just about you.
It means trouble for the whole club.
So I'm going to give you both one last chance.
We're going to step outside.
And have a smoke.
And whoever took the brick... we know.
It's gotta be around here somewhere.
Just put it back.
No questions.
No repercussions.
CHIBS: 15 minutes.
(door slams)
CHIBS: Even if that brick shows up, them two are out.
JUICE: But at least they won't be d*ad.
And we'll get our blow back.
CHIBS: Happy, go sit on their bikes.
Block any exit strategy.
JUICE: I gotta take a piss.
Clear out.
Give them the 15.
ROOSEVELT: Can I help you?
UNSER: Sheriff Roosevelt, uh... Wayne Unser.
ROOSEVELT: Yeah.
UNSER: Someplace we can chat?
ROOSEVELT: What's on your mind?
UNSER: I got reason to believe that Dr. Tara Knowles might be in some kind of danger.
ROOSEVELT: Jax Teller's old lady.
UNSER: Yeah.
ROOSEVELT: Do you care to elaborate?
UNSER: Don't know much more.
(Roosevelt laughs)
ROOSEVELT: Okay.
From my understanding, you were on Clay Morrow's payroll.
I'd think you would know a lot more.
UNSER: I was never in nobody's pocket.
I learned how to work with the club.
It was about what was best for Charming.
Not me.
ROOSEVELT: Okay.
Well, if you want me to keep an eye on the doctor, you're going to have to give me more, and you know that.
So who's trying to hurt the lady, Chief?
UNSER: I've just heard some things.
Thought you should know.
ROOSEVELT: You know if anything happens to her, I'm going to come to you for answers.
MILES: Hey!
JUICE: Hey.
What are you doing out here?
MILES: Cutting through from the guardhouse.
What are you doing?
Jesus, you took it?
Hey, hey, hey!
JUICE: Whoa, easy, man!
I'm not carrying.
MILES: Shit, Juice.
JUICE: You gotta let me explain.
MILES: Yeah.
Back at the warehouse.
Let's go.
JUICE: Okay.
Here.
(g*n)
(Juice groaning)
(panting)
(Juice screams)
(screams)
Juice?
HAPPY: Juicy?
What the hell?
CHIBS: Holy shit.
(Juice whimpers)
JUICE: I came out to take a piss.
I spotted him pulling something out of the leaves.
He saw me and he freaked out.
He tried to k*ll me.
I took one trying to get the g*n.
CHIBS: Mother of Christ.
Come on.
(Juice groans)
HAPPY: Lying bitch.
CHIBS: Did you get him?
CHIBS: There, go over there.
JAX: Shit. The hell happened?
CHIBS: Miles.
(Juice groans)
CHIBS: Juicy boy caught him pulling this out of stash.
Shit, Miles?
HAPPY: He's very d*ad.
CLAY: I ought to sh**t you guys for patching him in.
Good work, Juicy.
JUICE: Yeah.
CLAY: Look, uh, Romeo's going to be here any minute.
JAX: Oh, we'll clean this up and pack it away.
CHIBS: Get him in the van.
CLAY: The thief, put him deep.
No marker. All right?
Have Laurel and Had y do it.
HAPPY: Yes, I will.
When you're finished here, find me. OPIE: - Doesn't make sense.
Miles?
JAX: Sometimes the vetting happens a little late, I guess.
Lucky it happened now.
DAWN: Do you remember?
TIG: No.
Yes.
No. Maybe.
Was I there, for sure?
DAWN: You were.
TIG: - Wow... CHUCKY: - Lemonade.
(imitating engine roaring)
BOBBY: Tig.
TIG: I'll be right there, baby.
What?
GEMMA: I spoke to Colleen.
TIG: What?
BOBBY: Fawn is fine.
She's in Chicago with her boyfriend for two weeks.
GEMMA: No bulimia.
Dawn's playing you, sweetheart.
TIG: Well, what's she want the 12 grand for?
GEMMA: Well, I don't know.
Why don't you ask her?
TIG: Maybe.
BOBBY: You okay, Tig?
TIG: Yeah.
Thanks.
GEMMA: This is why mothers should drown baby girls.
CHIBS: 30 keys.
ALVAREZ: That's good.
ROMEO: When's your next shipment?
JAX: Our guys are up north securing it from the Irish.
Haul 'em down in these oil barrels.
ROMEO: You white boys are pretty smart.
CLAY: We get by.
Could I get a minute?
ALVAREZ: Looks like you're a patch short.
JAX: No, we're not.
Won't happen again.
ALVAREZ: I know.
ROMEO: Do we have a problem?
CLAY: Yeah.
We have an internal thr*at.
A family member stumbled on some of our more sensitive information.
ROMEO: This is very bad.
CLAY: I know.
She's our doc.
She's got a level of access.
It got out of hand.
I'm afraid she's going to expose us.
ROMEO: The doctor-- that's your V.P.'s old lady?
CLAY: Yeah.
He don't know.
ROMEO: You have a very difficult decision, my friend.
CLAY: Trust me, it's been brutal.
But it's got to be done.
I need somebody from the outside.
I was hoping you might want to handle it.
ROMEO: Take a few days to put together.
CLAY: Okay.
ROMEO: I'm going to need all her info.
Pictures, vehicle, schedule.
It's gonna get expensive.
CLAY: Whatever it takes.
Romeo.
I'm sorry I let this happen.
ROMEO: We'll clean it up.
JAX: Hey, everything okay?
CLAY: Yeah. All good.
DAWN: Thank you, Daddy.
BOBBY: You gave her the money.
TIG: Oh, yeah.
GEMMA: She'll just be back for more.
TIG: Yeah, I know.
IMA: What's the matter?
You jealous?
So what, I can only be your bad girl?
JAX: That's right.
GEMMA: I changed the sheets.
You're all set in there.
OPIE: Thanks, Mom.
JAX: You ever flash that rancid p*ssy around my club or family again, I will k*ll you.
You understand?
Whore. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "04x06 - With an X"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
GEMMA: You hiding something from me? This fell out of one of Abel's coloring books. Letters from John Teller would be very painful. Could set things off with Clay again.
CLAY: The history that Tara and Piney know-- very dangerous. These are copies.
UNSER: I searched her whole office. All she had. What are you going to do?
CLAY: I'm going to protect both of us.
ROMEO: I'll have the coke ready for you for the run back. 30 kilos of uncut Colombian cocaine.
POTTER: Have him pull a sample from the load. A couple grams.
ROOSEVELT: If he gets caught, they'll k*ll him.
POTTER: That's the point.
ROOSEVELT: That shipment that you muled out of Tucson? String-puller-- he wants a sample. We connect the cartel, leave SAMCRO out of it.
(door rattling)
Are you in there, man?
MILES: Jesus, you took it? Shit, Juice.
JUICE: Here.
(Juice screams)
CHIBS: Juicy boy caught him.
CLAY: Good work, Juicy.
JUICE: Yeah.
CLAY: The thief-- put him deep, no marker.
JUICE: Oh, my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you and I detest all my sins not because of your just punishments but most of all because they offended you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love.
I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions of sin.
GEMMA: Could this be someone at work-- a patient?
Something happen to a kid?
TARA: You really think this has anything to do with my work?
GEMMA: We should call Jax.
TARA: I'm calling the police.
GEMMA: No, no.
If this is the club, you get that new sheriff involved, everyone gets hurt.
I'm gonna give Unser a call, too.
TARA: This is a death thr*at, Gemma, delivered to my front door.
GEMMA: I know.
Let's, uh, let's get you and the kids to the compound, make sure you're safe.
TARA: Normal people call the authorities when their lives are thr*at.
GEMMA: You don't have a normal life, baby.
You have this one.
(whistles)
(dog barking)
CLAY: What, do you own the block?
ALVAREZ: They cooperate.
PD keeps its distance.
Come on, I'll give you the tour.
Put the a*mo here.
JAX: Oh, shit.
That is a lot of coke.
ALVAREZ: Let me show you distribution.
TIG: Ha, tortillas?
That's embracing the stereotype, man.
JAX: How many dealers?
ALVAREZ: 28.
Looking to triple that, get into the prisons by the end of the year.
(phone vibrating)
BOBBY: What about your "H" trade?
ALVAREZ: Prison demand is steady.
Street buy is slow.
It all goes in cycles, man.
JAX: What? No, I'm coming right now.
Hey, we got to go.
It's Tara.
Someone put a death thr*at in her car.
CLAY: What?
BOBBY: Jesus Christ.
CLAY: Where is she, man?
JAX: Gemma called Chibs and Ope, getting 'em to TM.
(tires screeching)
TIG: Get down, get down!
(a*t*matic g*n)
JAX: I'm on the sh**t.
TIG: All right, all right!
(horn honking)
ALVAREZ: Put someone with my wife and kid.
CLAY: How far is your sh*t doc?
ALVAREZ: Not too far.
TIG: Him?
Shit.
CLAY: You guys follow us.
Call Tara.
TIG: Yeah.
Let's go.
(Abel crying)
GEMMA: Okay, we'll meet you there.
ABEL: Daddy!
GEMMA: It's all right, darling.
ABEL: Daddy!
CHIBS: Oh, come on.
GEMMA: Bring your medical bag.
CHIBS: See, there's your mommy, look, yeah, it's okay.
TARA: Oh, sweetie.
ABEL: - Daddy, Daddy! TARA: - Shit.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
JAX: Drop it, drop it!
(tires screeching)
Shit.
(car horn honks)
TARA: Where's Jax?
CLAY: Went after the sh**t.
GEMMA: What sh**t?
Con cuidado, hermano.
Te vamos a ayudar, jefe.
TARA: Jesus.
Vas a estar bien. TARA: - Get him into the clubhouse.
UNSER: What the hell happened?
GEMMA: Bad morning.
UNSER: Jesus.
GEMMA: Someone left it in her car.
See what you can find out about that.
UNSER: Is the club watching her?
GEMMA: Yeah, she won't leave our sight.
UNSER: Okay, I'll, uh, I'll dig into this.
CHIBS: Here, man, that'll help.
ALVAREZ: Thanks.
(door opens)
CLAY: Why aren't you at the warehouse?
JUICE: Chibs told me to come back.
We're on lockdown.
CLAY: Who's there?
JUICE: Hap, Rat, and V-Lin.
Why?
CLAY: Let's get Tacoma down here, all right?
Head back up there.
Take a couple ARs with you.
JUICE: Yeah, okay.
TARA: Keep the pressure on it.
CLAY: How is Tara?
GEMMA: Scared.
Think the thr*at's real?
CLAY: I don't know.
GEMMA: This thing with Alvarez-- is it connected?
CLAY: I don't know that either.
GEMMA: Where's Lyla and the kids?
OPIE: Kids are with Mary.
Called the house, Lyla's not there.
She's got to be at work.
GEMMA: Go get her.
OPIE: All right, call my old man.
He's either at the house or the cabin.
BOBBY: I'm with Ope.
CLAY: You got any idea who this was?
ALVAREZ: Some guy that wanted me d*ad.
TARA: Well, he almost got his wish.
Two more inches, he would have h*t an artery.
It's a local.
It'll help a little.
(panting)
ALVAREZ: Thanks.
(panting)
What happened to you?
Jax was very concerned.
TARA: Ask them.
I have to disinfect.
CLAY: She found a note in her car.
Death thr*at.
JUICE: Death thr*at?
ALVAREZ: - Shit. CLAY: - What?
ALVAREZ: Been hearing rumors.
Galindo lost a h*t squad last week.
Found 'em butchered and b*rned.
TIG: So you're saying that this might be the other cartel?
Lobo Sonora?
CLAY: No, this is some turf shit that came over the border, or Romeo would've given us the heads up, no?
JUICE: Targeting families is what drug cartels do.
(phone ringing)
CHIBS: Oh.
Jax.
Jackie boy, you all right?
JAX: I'm fine.
Is Tara safe?
CHIBS: Oh, yeah, she's right here, patching up Alvarez.
JAX: Okay, I followed the sh**t to Fruitvale, 28th and Neal.
I got one of them.
Got the building and the car.
I'm not sure of the apartment.
CHIBS: All right, we're on the way.
JAX: Hey, call Laroy.
Tell him we might need some backup.
CHIBS: Call Laroy.
Aye.
TARA: Can I talk to him?
CHIBS: Gemma, can...?
Thank you.
TARA: Hey, are you okay?
JAX: Yeah. Are you?
TARA: No, I'm wrist deep in Mr. Alvarez's shoulder cartilage.
JAX: Thank you.
Tara, you do not leave that compound.
TARA: Okay.
I love you.
JAX: I love you.
I got to go.
(Alvarez groans and pants)
ALVAREZ: Rafi, Pedro, get the crew.
They should be with the Sons to track those putos.
CLAY: No, no, no, you need these guys to hold down your shit.
I got a call into Laroy.
We're gonna handle it.
CHUCKY: Sheriff's here.
He's looking for Tara.
(garbled radio transmission)
TARA: Who told you someone made a thr*at?
ROOSEVELT: It was an anonymous tip.
TARA: Well, I'm fine.
ROOSEVELT: Are you sure?
You seem a little unnerved.
TARA: Rough surgery this morning.
ROOSEVELT: Yeah, well, I hope they pulled through.
TARA: Yes.
ROOSEVELT: We can help you.
You know that, right?
TARA: I appreciate that.
ROOSEVELT: Want me to leave a a few of my men here?
TARA: That won't be necessary.
ROOSEVELT: Give us a call if you need anything.
Okay?
All right.
(garbled radio transmission)
Mr. Ortiz, your P.O. called.
He wants you to take a piss test.
JUICE: When?
ROOSEVELT: Now.
Follow me back.
JUICE: This is bullshit.
CLAY: Go.
Last thing in the world we want is this prick coming back here.
(engine starting)
Everything okay?
TARA: Yeah.
He must have caught wind of the thr*at.
I told him it was nothing.
CLAY: Good girl.
(engine revving)
OPIE: - Hey. LYLA: - Hey.
That's a cut on rehearsal.
OPIE: You need to pick up Piper and come back to the compound.
LYLA: Why?
OPIE: Some shit went down. It's just safer.
LYLA: I'm working. I can't just leave.
OPIE: All right.
I'll have one of the prospects come by, bring you back.
LYLA: What happened? Why are you worried?
OPIE: Somebody left a note in Tara's car.
Kind of a thr*at.
LYLA: Kind of?
OPIE: A death thr*at.
LYLA: Shit. (phone buzzes)
OPIE: Don't know if it's real.
Just taking precautions.
See you later.
(phone beeps on)
Hey, man, are you okay?
BOBBY: What happened to you?
IMA: Ask your VP.
BOBBY: You' saying Jax did this?
IMA: - I'm working, so... BOBBY: - Whoa, whoa.
You didn't happen to put a note in his old lady's car by any chance?
IMA: What are you talking about?
BOBBY: - Somebody thr*at Tara. IMA: No, I swear, I did not do anything.
OPIE: Yo.
Jax called.
Got to go.
(people moaning)
ROOSEVELT: Your two days are up.
JUICE: Yeah?
ROOSEVELT: Where is the sample?
JUICE: Where's the guy who can help me?
ROOSEVELT: Right now, I'm that guy.
JUICE: No.
ROOSEVELT: What's going on with you?
JUICE: I'm just tired of playing who's your daddy.
I'll bring you the sample... when I meet the guy who can make the deal.
JAX: I saw one of 'em pull a big ass bag from the car.
Probably more w*apon.
Okay, second floor, end apartment.
CLAY: Where the hell's Laroy?
TIG: I called him. He should be here.
JAX: We got to do this now.
Before they split or more show up.
CLAY: What are you thinking?
JAX: There's an entrance off the balcony around back. I was thinking, me, Chibs and Ope. You all take the front. We'll call when we're ready.
CLAY: All right. Okay, let's go silent.
JAX: Yeah. We gonna do this?
♪
♪
JAX: Okay, on ten. One, two... seven, eight... ten.
(overlapping shouting)
(women screaming)
(women and babies crying)
JAX: What the...?
BOBBY: Clear.
(baby crying)
TIG: Get the kids out of here.
Okay, come on, come on.
Give me that baby.
Get up, get up. Give me.
Come on, get up.
Come on, take this.
Take this little girl, come on.
Come on, attaboy.
All the way out. All the way.
That's it, that's it, that's it, that's it.
JAX: He was the driver. Where's the other sh**t? Where is the other sh**t? No sé.
CLAY: I'm assuming none of us picked up any Spanish in Stockton.
Great.
TIG: You speak English?
Huh?
(crying)
No? Well, okay.
How about now?
Okay.
JAX: What are you all doing here?
(woman crying)
We live here.
(overlapping shouts and screaming)
JAX: No. Calm down.
It's okay.
We're not gonna hurt you, bro.
We just want to ask you some questions.
Translate.
He won't listen.
He doesn't care.
JAX: Why?
Who is he?
(shouting): Who is he?!
Don't... (g*n, screaming)
No!
(baby crying)
CHIBS: Jesus Christ.
JAX: Get him up.
Get him up!
TIG: Oh, man, oh, man.
(man sobbing)
JAX: I ain't kidding, bro.
Tell me who you are.
Come on, come on.
Tell me who you are.
I live here.
We're not illegals.
Me and my sister are from Sonora.
(sobbing): Lobo.
They said if we didn't do it that they would k*ll my family.
My family's down there.
(child sobbing in distance)
BOBBY: Better call your friend Romeo.
JAX: We got to go.
We got to go, bro.
Come on.
(several people sobbing)
GEMMA: Is he gonna make it?
TARA: Yeah.
Can I talk to you?
GEMMA: Mm-hmm.
TARA: What do you know about a cartel?
Should I ask Alvarez?
(Gemma exhales)
GEMMA: All I know is they're selling them g*n.
TARA: Are there drugs involved?
Shit!
The note, is that the... the cartel thr*at me?
GEMMA: I'm not sure.
TARA: Oh, my God.
GEMMA: Look, the club is not gonna let anything happen to you.
TARA: The club is why everything is happening to me!
To my famil... I can't believe I signed off on this shit.
GEMMA: Signed off on what?
TARA: I got to get cleaned up.
ROOSEVELT: He's not gonna give me the sample until he meets you.
POTTER: And I can't risk exposure until I have that sample.
Have him meet you on the street with the coke, tell him the deal maker will be there, then bust him for possession.
ROOSEVELT: Are you kidding?
That's entrapment.
POTTER: It's an outlaw with a couple of grams of blow getting pulled over by a sheriff.
ROOSEVELT: I am not going dirty to expedite your agenda.
POTTER: Trashing the MC clubhouse, what was that, a f*re drill?
ROOSEVELT: That was tactical. This is criminal.
You want to tie up Juice on a bullshit bust... do it yourself.
I'm done.
POTTER: I still need you, Eli.
And I really don't relish the idea of calling your superiors.
A formal complaint from the United States District Attorney's Office, how's that going to look in your jacket?
GEMMA: - Oh... JAX: - Hey.
Where's Tara?
GEMMA: In the apartment, cleaning up.
You guys okay?
JAX: Yeah.
GEMMA: She knows about the drugs.
And the cartel.
Not from me.
JAX (exhales): Aw, shit.
Okay.
GEMMA: What happened?
CLAY: It's done.
How's he?
GEMMA: All patched up.
TIG: You guys need anything?
We're good.
JAX: I didn't know the drugs were gonna be part of the g*n.
TARA: Hm.
Was that Clay?
JAX: Yeah.
The deal we had to make was... it was complicated.
TARA: He can't be trusted, Jax.
JAX: Clay is protecting this club.
TARA: Clay protects himself.
(wry laugh)
This is two weeks into it.
What happens in two months, a year?
(exhales)
(exhales)
CLAY: We got the sh**t.
Lobo Sonora.
I think Galindo's rival is making a play in Northern Cali.
ALVAREZ: I talked to Romeo.
Said it was a sh*t off the bow.
Lobo making noise.
Luis is coming up with a few of his guys, make sure it all dies quietly.
CLAY: What about the, uh... note left for Jax's old lady?
ALVAREZ: He said it's not their style.
Lobo would've written the note in their kid's blood.
(Clay exhales)
Hey, thanks for handling this, huh?
CLAY: Just paying back a debt, bro.
ROOSEVELT: Meet me off Howard in the same place that we met before.
You bring the sample, and I will bring the guy that makes the deal.
JUICE: - When? ROOSEVELT: - Now.
UNSER: I made some calls, and, uh, no other doctors in the area have been thr*at.
Did she tell Margaret, hospital security?
GEMMA: No.
Last thing we need is that bitch setting this on f*re.
UNSER: Think maybe... it's club-related?
CLAY: No. Had nothing to do with our business.
GEMMA: Are you sure?
CLAY: Yeah.
You think this is some kind of game?
UNSER: I'm certain it ain't that.
CLAY: Crawl back into your little sh*thole, Wayne.
You leave this alone.
Don't get in my way anymore.
(door slams open)
(door closes)
(vehicle approaching, indistinct radio transmission)
ROOSEVELT: Put your hands up against the car.
JUICE: What the hell are you doing?
ROOSEVELT: You are under arrest for the possession of cocaine.
(handcuffs clicking)
BOBBY: Clay. Samtaz called.
Armando's MIA since last night.
Yeah. Tucson's worried.
CLAY: Get Jax and Ope.
(whistles)
POTTER: Good work. Thank you.
ROOSEVELT: Now what?
POTTER: Now we have leverage.
I test this, we tie it to Galindo... then we see if Juice feels like cooperating.
ROOSEVELT: And what if he doesn't feel like it?
POTTER: We yell to the underworld that he's working with us.
He stole from his own club.
If that doesn't motivate him, we move forward on possession charges.
ROOSEVELT: And we send him back to Stockton an unprotected rat.
POTTER: That sounds terrifying.
ROOSEVELT: You love this shit, don't you?
POTTER: I like you, Eli.
You're a good man, straight sh**t.
I know this is difficult for you.
Tell Juice about the leverage.
Cut him lose.
His fear will... multiply exponentially around his brothers.
(door opens)
(door closes)
GEMMA: Hi, baby.
Hi, baby. Come on.
OPIE: Yo.
GEMMA: Where's Lyla and Piper?
LIN: I was waiting for her, dude.
Nanny dropped off the kid.
She was changing... OPIE: - Where is she?
LIN: She ducked out.
Lost me.
Sorry.
CLAY: Go.
(Roosevelt sighs)
ROOSEVELT: I don't know what they, uh... what they want from you.
But at this point... you have no choice.
You have to cooperate, Juice.
(Juice sighs)
JUICE: Doesn't matter.
BOBBY: Yeah.
TIG: All right.
BOBBY: We need to bring Juice up to speed on this.
CHIBS: Yeah, let me see where he's at.
How was the piss?
JUICE: Clean.
CHIBS: Bobby wants to bounce some stuff off of you.
JUICE: Okay.
ALL: Hey.
CHIBS: Where you going?
Juice.
TIG: Is he okay?
CHIBS: I don't know. I'll be right back.
CLAY: Yeah?
CHIBS: I'm a bit worried about Juice.
CLAY: Worried how?
CHIBS: This thing with Miles, the sheriff riding him.
Boy's checked out.
We got to put him off this cartel shit.
CLAY: - Send him in, will you? CHIBS: - Yeah.
JUICE: - What's up? CLAY: - Shut the door.
(Clay sighs)
Have a seat.
No, over here.
You know, most days this life is just riding around, getting shit done.
Some days it's more than that.
Some days we ask our guys to do shit very few men could do.
That's what this means.
Way you handled the Russians, this hard thing with Miles.
I'm proud of you.
JUICE: Thanks.
CLAY: But now you need to put it behind you.
You understand me?
JUICE: Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
CLAY: Hey... you earned this.
I love you, son.
JUICE: I love you.
CLAY: Now, head back up to the warehouse.
Tacoma should be there by now.
Just make sure you keep
'em on their toes.
JUICE: Right.
OPIE: She split.
JAX: Sorry, bro.
CLAY: Talked to Luis.
He's on his way up here with a few guys.
OPIE: Any word on Armando?
CLAY: No.
Could have been picked up by state police.
Tucson is into it.
JAX: Kozik will be down next week with the g*n.
I gave him the heads up, told him to keep his eyes open on the ride.
BOBBY: Well, we'd better do more than keep our eyes open.
Lobo Sonora knew exactly where to h*t the Mayans.
That makes us the next target.
CLAY: And if we are, we'll handle it.
BOBBY: Like Alvarez handled it?
CLAY: You know, instead of sitting on your fat ass complaining about all the shit I'm doing wrong, why don't you do something that actually helps this g*dd*mn club?
BOBBY: Yeah, like calling a vote?
CLAY: Little late for that.
BOBBY: I'm not talking about the cartel.
Officer challenge.
Your leadership is compromising this club.
I want a vote.
New president.
CLAY: Second it.
Get Juice and Happy back here.
Call Kozik and Piney and get their proxies.
We vote this shit tonight.
(kicks door)
♪ ♪
(phone ringing)
(line ringing)
(Opie sighs)
(phone ringing)
GEMMA: I trust you know how to use this.
FILTHY PHIL: Yes, ma'am.
GEMMA: I'm going to bed.
FILTHY PHIL: Good night, ma'am.
GEMMA: Don't call me ma'am.
UNSER: - Excuse me. MARGARET: - Mr. Unser.
UNSER: I was hoping I could walk you to your car, bend your ear a bit.
MARGARET: Sure.
♪ ♪
JAX: We're safe, babe.
I promise.
(door opens)
(door closes)
CHIBS: Trying to get a hold of Juice.
He ain't picking up his cell and I called the warehouse.
He never showed up.
CLAY: - Shit. CHIBS: - I'm heading up there.
TIG: - I'm with you. CHIBS: - Come on.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
(gasping)
(branch cracks) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "04x07 - Fruit for the Crows"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
GEMMA: How's it going with the gardens?
RITA: Not so good. We don't raise another 80,000 in the next three weeks, it's gone.
JAX: Hey, you got a family. You got a new wife.
PINEY: I don't even know who you are anymore.
ALVAREZ: Rafi, Pedro, get the crew. They should be with the Sons to track those putos.
TARA: I found some of JT's old letters. John wanted to end the relationship with the Irish, stop the club from selling g*n. He was k*lled before that meeting happened.
PINEY: k*ll the drug muling or I'll let the rest of the club read the letters.
CLAY: The history that Tara and Piney know-- very dangerous. Now, we got to stop this in its tracks.
UNSER: I was hoping I could walk you to your car, bend your ear a bit.
POTTER: Have him pull a sample from the load-- couple grams.
ROOSEVELT: If he gets caught, they'll k*ll him.
POTTER: That's the point.
MILES: Jesus, you took it?
Back at the warehouse.
Let's go.
JUICE: Here.
(g*n)
(yelling)
I spotted him pulling something out of the leaves.
He saw me and he freaked out.
He tried to k*ll me.
CLAY: The way you handled this hard thing with Miles, I'm proud of you.
You earned this.
(grunting)
(branch cracks)
(dull thud)
(gasps)
(chokes)
(gasping)
(grunting)
(Motorcycles approaching)
Shit.
TIG: What the hell, man?
CHIBS: Where is he?
Juice!
Juicy-boy!
There.
JUICE: - Hey. TIG: - Hey.
What the hell you doing?
JUICE: Was pissing.
CHIBS: What's all this shit, huh?
Did you take a spill?
What's that?
JUICE: Oswald, man.
He's got those stupid security chains all over these back roads.
(laughs)
TIG: You clotheslined one?
Jackass.
JUICE: Yeah.
CHIBS: We got to go.
JUICE: What's up?
CHIBS: Vote.
JUICE: - Drugs? TIG: - Change of leadership.
(knocking)
(knocking)
TARA: Who is it?
Take the g*n, stay in the back room.
Go.
ROOSEVELT: Sorry about the hour, Ms. Knowles.
TARA: What is it?
ROOSEVELT: We just got a call from your administrator over at St. Thomas.
She's convinced you did receive a death thr*at.
TARA: I didn't take it seriously.
That's why I didn't report it.
ROOSEVELT: Then why did the MC post someone here to watch you?
There's a bike outside.
I'm assuming he's somewhere in the back-- armed.
TARA: The answer to that question will require a warrant.
ROOSEVELT: Oh, you really got it down, don't you?
TARA: I appreciate your concern, Sheriff.
ROOSEVELT: Well, it's more than concern, it's my legal obligation.
So I'm gonna post a unit outside, and I'll coordinate with the hospital security.
(baby cooing)
It's more than just your safety at stake.
But I'm sure you know that.
Sorry to disturb you.
(door opens, closes)
JAX: Piney wasn't gonna proxy this vote.
OPIE: Wanted a front row seat.
JAX: You talk to him yet?
OPIE: No.
So what happens if Bobby takes this vote?
JAX: Short term, not much he can do.
Pulls us away from Galindo.
Risk is too big.
OPIE: Long term, maybe Bobby's a better choice.
JAX: You thinking of going that way?
OPIE: Not sure.
You're staying in Clay's camp?
JAX: Look, I know it's dirty, bro.
But he's getting us whole.
Eventually, we're less desperate, make smarter choices.
CLAY: Let's vote this shit.
PINEY: I'm sorry, son.
OPIE: I love you, Pop.
I'm with you on this.
PINEY: Come on, let's go.
CLAY: All right.
There's a challenge on the table.
New president.
I don't think we need the formalities of nomination.
You want the chair.
BOBBY: I ain't got no choice.
CLAY: Okay.
Yea or nay.
Bobby taking the gavel.
Nay.
TIG: Nay.
(a*t*matic g*n)
(tires screeching)
Go, go, go!
Come on!
TIG: Don't move.
Stay down. Stay down.
JAX: You okay?
PHIL: Yeah.
JAX: Clear this shit out the way.
Check his ink. TIG: - Lobo Sonora!
HAPPY: - Be careful. CLAY: - Shit!
JAX: This woke up the whole hood, man.
CLAY: Get this assh*le to the rez.
Call the g*n warehouse, put them on alert.
TIG: I'll reach out to Alvarez.
CHUCK: Oh, man.
Clay!
This is bad!
Like, bad bad!
What is that?
JUICE: Holy shit.
That's... PINEY: - It's Armando.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
CLAY: You find out what he knows.
HAPPY: Bueno.
CHIBS: Hey.
Come on. You're with me.
JUICE: Yeah.
(engine starts)
PINEY: That bag of heads is your
"Get out of drugs free" card.
CLAY: What the hell you talking about?
PINEY: You tell the cartel we didn't sign up for this blood feud, and you want out.
CLAY: What do you think, I can just bail in the middle of this shit?
PINEY: That's exactly what you're gonna do.
And you're gonna do it today, 'cause your time is up.
If we're still in the drug business tomorrow, I'm delivering those letters to the club.
JAX: Hey.
g*n warehouse is safe, but the Mayan tortilla truck got jacked.
Full load of coke on the way out to dealers.
Three of Alvarez's guys MIA.
CLAY: g*dd*mn it.
TIG: These guys are military sharp.
CLAY: How did Tucson take the news?
BOBBY: They had assumed the worst.
(sirens approaching)
CLAY: Oh. Great. Chocolate rain.
(motorcycle engine starting)
JAX: - No, you take this.
Got it.
Go, go.
Hey. Where you going?
PINEY: The cabin.
OPIE: Come on, Pop.
Stay here. We need you.
PINEY: You keep your head down, boy.
(engine starts and revs)
CHUCK: Oh, come on.
(siren sounding)
Okay.
CLAY: We got it handled.
GEMMA: Handled?
They dumped a bag of heads.
I'm living in g*dd*mn Juarez here.
(Gemma sighs)
Garden fund-raiser's tonight.
JAX: Ain't gonna be any fund-raiser after this.
GEMMA: We can't back out.
JAX: We don't know what the hell we're dealing with here, Mom.
GEMMA: This noise is gonna be all over Charming.
If we hide, looks like we got something to hide from.
CLAY: Fund-raiser shows Charming the Sons give a shit.
We need that.
GEMMA: Have Phil shadow me.
Take a grenade to get past him.
CLAY: No. Tig.
He's the only one I trust to keep you safe.
JAX: Shit.
ROOSEVELT: All right. Lock it down!
JAX: Let me guess. You smell smoke?
ROOSEVELT: No.
b*ll*ts.
And based on all the calls and the looks of the clubhouse, I'm guessing they were of the a*t*matic variety.
JAX: Yeah, we noticed that.
Glad you're here.
Feel safer already.
ROOSEVELT: You have any idea who it was?
CLAY: Nope.
GEMMA: I don't like to point fingers, but, uh, Dezarian Motorworks, Tenth Street-- they've been kind of pissed off at us since we expanded our custom bike business.
ROOSEVELT: Disgruntled mechanics?
JAX: - Mm. GEMMA: - Armenians.
Very unstable people.
ROOSEVELT: Well, I really appreciate your cooperation, but we'll still have to conduct a full investigation.
JAX: Knock yourself out.
ROOSEVELT: You know, I really hope this att*ck doesn't have anything to do with the thr*at on Dr. Knowles.
The hospital confirmed it.
Tara and I had another chat this morning.
You know, you have a beautiful family, Jax.
Be really sad to see their daddy catch a b*llet.
JAX: Yeah.
It would be.
You have kids?
ROOSEVELT: No.
JAX: You really should.
It's good to have a reason not to die.
ROOSEVELT: Your compound is a crime scene.
Lock it down, and stay the hell out of my way.
Okay, okay.
GEMMA: Tara's fine.
I just talked to her.
She's on her way to work.
Rat's with her.
CLAY: Take care of her.
TIG: Always.
JAX: Let's get out of here.
CLAY: Love you.
(rock music playing)
CANE: Hey.
You got to clear out here.
This is a crime scene.
Hey, I'm talking to you.
CHUCK: Making chili for the fund-raiser.
CANE: I don't give a shit. Let's go.
ROOSEVELT: Let him make the chili.
Stay in this kitchen, you hear?
CHUCK: Yes, sir.
ROOSEVELT: Hey. Turn that music off.
HAPPY: He hasn't said a word.
JAX: You sure you didn't cut out his tongue?
HAPPY: Not yet.
And I'm running out of ideas.
(vehicle approaching)
RAFI: Galindo.
Now it's time to pray, you bastard.
CLAY: You told us we didn't have to worry stateside, Lobo had no northern networks.
LUIS: They don't.
What's our guest saying?
CHIBS: Nothing.
LUIS: He's definitely Lobo.
Ex-military, infantry.
HAPPY: What's that for?
LUIS: Sodium pentothal.
Time to get him talking.
Pedro, take him to the back.
LUIS: That Lobo says there's a rat in your crew with roots in Nogales.
ALVAREZ: He's a lying bitch, this one.
JAX: It don't matter Mayan or Son.
That bitch is d*ad.
ALVAREZ: That guy is full of shit, man.
LUIS: No, he's full of truth serum, and if he says the Lobo's getting intel from a Mayan, then he's not lying.
CLAY: A Mayan with family in Nogales.
Now, who would that be, Marcus?
ALVAREZ: Pedro.
JAX: That Pedro?
Scumbag was in my clubhouse.
OPIE: That's how they knew where to h*t us, where the cut and the bag was.
I'm gonna rip off his heart. f*ck... Bastard.
Hey, hey.
Don't touch him..
JAX: Look, if Pedro is the pipeline to Lobo, then let's feed him something useful.
Our g*n.
We'll tell 'em we're moving them out of Cali tomorrow, that we're storing them here tonight.
Then you and your guys take 'em down.
LUIS: That soldier says there's about 25 Lobos local.
I only have four other men with me.
I'll need support.
BOBBY: Oh, Jesus.
JAX: We're not exactly an infantry unit, bro.
LUIS: Well, you will be, because make no mistake, gentlemen.
We're at w*r.
(indistinct chatter)
Yeah. Good.
Come on, brother.
CLAY: Alvarez is gonna bait the hook-- let Pedro know the g*n will be here at 8:00.
JAX: All right, I'm gonna put the prospects on the warehouse, pull Tacoma into this.
CLAY: I'm gonna cancel the fund-raiser.
JAX: No, man.
It's good you be there.
Puts us somewhere else if this gets noisy.
(Clay sighs)
CLAY: I know every thought that's going through your head right now.
But we got to roll as one into this.
Otherwise, we're all d*ad.
BOBBY: Yeah, I know.
CLAY: You'll get your leadership vote.
BOBBY: Let's hope there's someone left standing to lead.
(sighing)
OPIE: I'm gonna ride out to Mary's, see my kids.
JAX: That's good, man.
Where's Piney?
OPIE: Tequila retreat.
Cabin.
JAX: I'll take a ride out, check in on him.
OPIE: Appreciate it.
JAX: I'm sorry, man. I never thought muling would lead to this shit.
OPIE: I know. We're in it now, brother. Got to get it done, move past it.
JAX: Yeah.
CANE: Hey?
That chili ready yet?
CHUCK: No.
It's got to simmer for, like, a long time.
CANE: No, it's simmered enough.
Give me two bowls of it.
(motorcycles approaching)
GEMMA: Hey.
Thought you were in surgery today.
TARA: I've been pulled.
Apparently, the hospital feels my presence there is a thr*at.
GEMMA: Ah, shit.
(sighs)
TARA: Am I crazy, Gemma?
Why do I believe him when he says it'll get better?
GEMMA: 'Cause he means it.
No one saw this coming, baby.
I hate this shit, too.
TARA: I'm trying this his way.
I really am.
GEMMA: I know you are.
So does Jax.
We pull through, and we stick it out.
That's what family does.
Come on.
Let's go check on my chili.
Come on.
What do you think, guys, good?
Yeah, it's good.
I'll be... I'll be right back.
Hey, uh, hang on. Gemma, hang on.
It's not ready.
Gemma! Hey!
GEMMA: Hey.
Did you follow the recipe?
CHUCK: I had to add a few things of my own.
GEMMA: I can see that.
TARA: Is it spicy?
GEMMA: Uh, very.
Actually made my eyes burn.
TARA: Oh.
CHUCK: May have gotten in over my head.
GEMMA: Yeah, well, you know, it's an old family recipe.
It's a delicate process.
I probably should've made it myself.
Uh, why don't you take it up to the reservation.
I think Happy likes it that hot. Yeah.
CHUCK: I accept that.
CLAY: Elliott.
OSWALD: Bring me out here to pick flowers?
(laughs)
CLAY: Something like that.
Town needs 75K to save this place.
OSWALD: So I hear.
CLAY: You and me are gonna cover it.
OSWALD: What the hell are you talking about?
CLAY: Charming needs a hero, Elliott.
Hale's backing on Charming Heights is gonna fall apart.
Next time the eminent domain vote comes before city council, it's got to lose.
OSWALD: You promised me you wouldn't shit on this, Clay.
CLAY: We sway public opinion against Hale.
He loses the 99 on-ramp, and all that land reverts back to you.
We all win.
OSWALD: Hale will just find another way.
CLAY: Eh.
Two-year term.
He's already spent a year funneling policy into his own pocket.
These people ain't stupid.
OSWALD: Where you going with this?
CLAY: I ain't going anywhere.
That's the point.
I know who I am, what I do.
Keeping Charming the way it is, that's what I get out of this.
I got no agenda here.
I just want my town back.
Think about it. I'll see you later.
PINEY: Well, well, well.
You on task or is this a, uh, social call?
JAX: I'm just checking in.
PINEY: I'm fine.
JAX: Yeah?
PINEY: Yeah.
JAX: I know you and Clay have been going at it over this whole cartel thing.
PINEY: You don't know anything.
(door opens)
(sighs)
JAX: Look, I get it.
You're pissed.
I'm just trying to tell you my side of it.
PINEY: Do you have a side anymore?
JAX: Okay.
I'm sorry.
PINEY: For ten years, I gave up on this club.
Rode my limit just to keep the patch.
And then you came up.
You reminded me so much of John.
Just... It felt like maybe our idea still had a chance.
JAX: Well, I'm not my old man.
PINEY: Oh, I'm very clear on that now.
JAX: You need to rip him off the pedestal, Piney.
JT bailed on all of us.
You trying to tell me you didn't know about Maureen Ashby?
About Trinity?
PINEY: Maureen was a distraction.
But when your brother took a turn for the worse, your dad was right back here.
JAX: Yeah, damage already done.
PINEY: We all do damage.
Character's determined by how we repair it.
JAX: Well, JT didn't repair much.
PINEY: He didn't have a chance.
You do!
JAX: I'm fixing what matters!
You know, my old man was right about one thing.
This club has lost its way.
And I thought I was the guy that was gonna change that.
And then I realized that that arrogance, that that belief that one man can change it, is what drove my old man into the ground.
PINEY: Defeat is not what k*lled your father!
JAX: I don't want to hear about history!
I'm taking care of what's in front of me.
PINEY: You and Clay both.
JAX: This isn't about Clay.
It's about me.
It's about me figuring out what I got to do today that keeps me alive tomorrow.
This ain't about the club, Piney.
It's about my family.
(Piney chuckles)
PINEY: I won't tell you how much you just sounded like your old man.
Your father was... He was the best man I ever knew.
And before you let him die, you should find him... and know that for yourself.
♪ I got to sleep, I dream of you and when I wake up, there'll be no one ♪
♪ 'Cause I know love will not fear this there's no use trying to conceal it ♪
♪ Close my eyes... ♪
ROOSEVELT: Hey. Are you okay?
RITA: This was a waste of time.
ROOSEVELT: Oh, come on, that's not true.
RITA: No, it was grandiose of me to think that I could pull this off.
ROOSEVELT: No, you went with your gut.
You mething because you knew it was right.
RITA: And created tension between you and the mayor.
ROOSEVELT: Well, you know, that's my favorite part.
I love getting under that guy's skin.
CLAY: Mrs. Roosevelt.
Excuse me.
ROOSEVELT: What?
CLAY: Uh, I was hoping I could say a few words to the folks, make a formal donation.
Family friendly.
Promise.
RITA: - Sure. ROOSEVELT: - Yeah?
RITA: It's okay.
GEMMA: That went well.
Cállate, Pedro.
CLAY: My wife grew up in this town.
It became my home 31 years ago.
I love Charming.
I know some of you have an opinion about my club.
You think maybe we overstayed our welcome.
But ask yourself this.
What's worse?
A few broken windows, some fighting now and again, or bulldozers gutting the heart of your town?
Sons of Anarchy have always stood up for Charming.
We pride ourselves in knowing that we've kept this town tight-knit.
Supported and protected small business owners.
Charming Heights is the beginning of the end.
Sooner or later, your businesses are gonna end up just like this garden-- hanging on by a thread, hoping, praying for the charity of others.
Tonight, I offer that charity.
Two checks.
$75,000.
(cheering, applause)
Nice. Nice.
CLAY: One of those checks is from me, so I know what you're thinking.
Blood money, probably stole it.
It's okay, you can think that.
But the other check comes from a man who believes in this town even more than I do.
A man whose family has pumped lifeblood into this community for almost 50 years.
So, if you can't thank me, you should definitely thank him.
The guy who should be mayor.
Elliott Oswald.
(cheering, applause)
(vehicles approaching)
(quiet murmuring)
OPIE: Got two vehicles.
TORRES: Wait for my signal.
Conmigo.
CHIBS: Hey.
Hey.
Come on.
JAX: One of them's leaving.
That's Luis.
Where'd they go?
Check it.
Empty.
LUIS: No one on the perimeter.
What the hell is this?
BOBBY: Trojan tortilla?
CHIBS: That's got to be rigged.
This thing will blow us all to hell.
JAX: Where's Pedro?
ALVAREZ: Open it.
JAX: Step back.
BOBBY: Back. Back!
C'mon rat. Come here.
Stay here.
BOBBY: Jesus Christ.
OPIE: How the hell did they know that we were waiting for 'em?
ALVAREZ: Pedro never left our sight.
JAX: Yeah.
Looks like the competition's one step ahead.
(grunts, groaning)
(groaning)
(crickets chirping)
JAX: Sent Samtaz the rest of Armando.
Luis is sending more guys.
Be here tomorrow.
Gonna keep Tacoma at the warehouse.
CLAY: Shit.
BOBBY: This is on Galindo to fix.
ALVAREZ: We'll get Romeo up here, clean it up.
BOBBY: Good.
JUICE: Gonna head back to the warehouse with Tacoma.
I won't be able to sleep.
CHIBS: Yeah.
Okay.
(motorcycle engines starting)
(door creaks open)
(Jax sighs)
TARA: It's just a matter of time before it hurts our kids.
JAX: I'd never let that happen.
TARA: I'm sorry.
I have to go.
I have to get them out of here.
JAX: I know.
I thought I knew what we were getting into.
We're in over our head.
TARA: There's a... conference up at Providence Hospital in Oregon, day after tomorrow.
They're interested in me.
JAX: You should go.
Take Elyda, bring the boys with you.
Just stay there until things calm down here.
Then we'll figure it all out.
(Tara sighs)
TARA: What about Gemma?
JAX: Tell her the truth.
You're protecting our family.
(phone ringing)
GEMMA: Hey, baby.
Where are you?
GEMMA: Heading home.
You okay?
CLAY: Yeah.
GEMMA: The thing with the cartel?
CLAY: Yeah, we're still working it.
Uh, I'm gonna stay at the clubhouse, try to figure some of this shit out.
GEMMA: You want me to come by?
CLAY: Nah. I'm in lockdown in the chapel.
I need the quiet.
GEMMA: Okay.
CLAY: Love you.
GEMMA: Love you, too.
TIG: You okay?
GEMMA: Yeah.
(inhales sharply)
Take me home, Tiggy.
(grunts)
JUICE: Oh, shit.
(Juice sighs)
You scared me, man.
(chain clinking)
CHIBS: Jesus!
What the hell were you doing?
You coward!
(Juice sobbing)
CHIBS: Get up. Come on.
Get up.
(Juice crying)
Come on, boy. Come on.
(knocking)
CLAY: Either pull the trigger, or let me in.
PINEY: Give me the nine.
And the boot.
You have something to tell me?
CLAY: Shit went down today, things got complicated with Galindo.
I'm gonna need more time.
PINEY: More time, more death.
CLAY: Yeah, I'm trying to do the right thing here.
PINEY: The right thing for you.
That's all you've ever done at the head of that table.
Lead by greed.
CLAY: Oh, if you hated me so much, why'd you sponsor me?
Patch me in?
(Piney laughs)
PINEY: Because back then, you could be trusted.
CLAY: Oh.
And so now I'm supposed to trust you?
These, um... pointed letters you're supposed to have-- what's to prevent you from showing them even after I k*ll the cartel deal?
PINEY: That's a risk you're gonna have to take.
(Clay sighs)
CLAY: Okay.
I'll call Romeo.
But if there's retaliation, that blood's on your hands.
(Piney yells, groans)
(yells, groans)
Where are the letters?
(Piney grunts)
Where did you put 'em?
(Piney groaning)
They're not here.
Where are they?!
(Piney groans)
(Piney groans)
Tara still got 'em?
PINEY: My God, how would Tara know?
CLAY: She's the one that gave 'em to you.
You don't think I knew that, old man?
PINEY: Just leave her out of it, huh?
CLAY: Too late.
(grunts, guttural gasping)
(sighs) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "04x08 - Family Recipe"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
TARA: I found some of JT's old letters. John wanted to end the relationship with the Irish, stop the club from selling g*n. He was k*lled before that meeting happened.
PINEY: You k*ll the drug muling, or I'll let the rest of the club read the letters.
(Piney grunts)
CLAY: Where are they? Where are the letters? Tara still got 'em?
PINEY: Just leave her out of it, huh?
CLAY: Too late.
(Piney grunts)
We have an internal thr*at. I'm afraid she's gonna expose us.
ROMEO: The doctor. That's your V.P.'s old lady.
CLAY: Hoping you might want to handle it.
ROMEO: We'll clean it up.
TARA: Providence Hospital in Oregon-- they're interested in me.
JAX: You should go. Bring the boys with you. And we'll figure it all out.
POTTER: Have him pull a sample from the load.
ROOSEVELT: If he gets caught, they'll k*ll him.
MILES: Jesus. You took it?
Let's go.
JUICE: Here.
(grunting)
CLAY: The way you handled this thing with Miles--
I'm proud of you.
You earned this.
(gasping)
(sobbing)
JAX: What's going on?
CHIBS: I need your advice, brother.
JAX: What about it?
Thought you caught it on a security chain at Oswald's.
Oh, shit, Juice.
JUICE: I don't know what happened, man.
I guess... doing the time.
JUICE: It was a mistake.
I know that.
JAX: All right, give us a minute.
Jesus Christ.
CHIBS: Found him at Oswald's.
Trying to hide the evidence.
JAX: Sons don't k*ll themselves.
Club's gonna vote him out.
No one's gonna trust him.
CHIBS: I know.
JAX: But you do?
CHIBS: My first k*ll for the Irish-- young Constable in Omagh.
My age.
Me and him could have been classmates.
I put two b*ll*ts in the back of that boy's head.
Never even seen it coming.
Shit broke me, Jackie.
Came close to swinging from that tree myself.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: Big difference between thinking about it and actually doing it.
CHIBS: Aye.
Let me... let me watch him for a while, figure him out, find out where he's really at.
And we got to get Clay to take him off this cartel shit.
JAX: Yeah, okay.
LUIS: That Lobo we pressed was telling the truth.
Our intel confirms there are two dozen Lobo Sonora in the area, making alliances for their coke.
CLAY: Who they reaching out to?
LUIS: We're not sure.
JAX: How about Henry Lin?
The Chinese branching out?
ALVAREZ: I don't think so.
Chinks' H trade has been growing.
They've taken over the Maze.
JAX: That's Niner turf.
Laroy's just handed over his territory?
CLAY: Oh, shit.
Maybe it's Laroy who's doing the branching out.
Found himself a new product.
JAX: Oh, my God.
That would explain why he's been MIA last few times we reached out.
LUIS: What's your relationship with them?
ALVAREZ: Peaceful.
Has been for the past two years.
JAX: Yeah, we're supposed to drop g*n to them next week.
All right, we'll move it up, meet today.
We'll find out where they're at.
LUIS: I have three dozen men on the way, be here by noon.
We'll back you up.
JAX: If the Niners are buying from Lobo, this guy is gonna slaughter them.
That changes the whole dynamic in Oaktown.
It wipes diplomacy off the table for good.
CLAY: Maybe it's time we clean house.
Relationships are overrated.
(phone buzzing)
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
JAX: Thanks, Mom.
GEMMA: Did you talk to your dad today?
OPIE: Nope.
CLAY: Baby.
Where's Juice?
JAX: Sheriffs are clearing out of TM, so I put him at the clubhouse, sweeping for bugs, checking the hard drives.
CLAY: Good.
OPIE: You really think Laroy's stepping on us?
Hooked up with Lobo?
JAX: It all points that way.
HAPPY: So what happens now?
BOBBY: Yeah, what happens when we find out Lobos are working with the Salvadorans or the Armenians?
What, we gonna take on everybody?
CLAY: This ain't us leading the charge.
It's Romeo and Luis.
It's their fight.
JAX: Look, if the Niners are working with the Lobo, we'll get them to arrange a meet.
Galindo can take it from there.
Send this beef back to the border.
(loud clinking of dishware)
BOBBY: Yeah, 'cause all our plans with these guys have worked out just perfectly.
JAX: Enough!
We voted it in!
We play it out.
(door opens)
You can't get behind that, turn in your g*dd*mn patch.
(door closes)
CHIBS: Irish.
O'Shay and Rourke.
CLAY: Gaalan.
Appreciate the call.
GAALAN: We've discussed your request at great length.
Reactions are mixed, Clay.
Council's worried about Mr. Galindo.
RPGs, 50-cals-- those are headline-making w*apon.
CLAY: The guy running it, Parada, I trust him.
He's a soldier, just like us.
GAALAN: Aye, but he's in a very different w*r.
CLAY: We can't sit back and judge him, Gaalan.
If we took responsibility for every b*llet fired from our g*n...
GAALAN: We know how the cartel does business.
They're heathens.
CLAY: Galindo will have bought more g*n in two months than all my other buyers in the last two years, combined.
Just sit down with them, brother.
If you don't like what you hear, take your big g*n and go home.
GAALAN: And you'll be at that sit-down?
CLAY: Absolutely.
I'm your guy, Gaalan.
Hey, I'm gonna help you make the biggest deal in the history of your organization.
GAALAN: Set the meet.
We'll be there.
But no guarantees, Clay.
CLAY: Understood.
Thank you.
JUICE: Your guys already left.
Crime scene's down.
ROOSEVELT: Oh, it was just a follow-up.
You have got to pick up the phone when I call you, Juice.
Now, there's six disposable burners in there, and I know you're responsible for the club's communication.
JUICE: I'm done.
I can't do this anymore.
ROOSEVELT: Jesus Christ.
What did you do?
JUICE: Tell them I want out.
MARGARET: Morning.
TARA: Morning.
MARGARET: You still upset with me?
TARA: No.
Come in.
MARGARET: It was hospital policy.
Any thr*at against personnel had to be reported.
TARA: I know.
I'm fine.
MARGARET: There's a neonatal conference tomorrow.
Providence is hosting.
TARA: I'm going.
MARGARET: Good.
I'm happy to hear that.
They'll be a great fit for you, Tara.
TARA: Yeah.
(both laugh)
I have a favor to ask.
MARGARET: Of course.
TARA: I'm going to leave something with you.
If anything happens to me.
What do you mean?
What's going to happen?
TARA: No, no, no. Nothing.
Um, just, if it did, I... I want you to give it to Jax.
Hmm?
If not Jax, Piney Winston.
Can you do that?
MARGARET: I don't like this.
TARA: No, it's nothing illegal.
It's just some letters, and... MARGARET: - What is it?
TARA: Uh... I must have left them at home.
(beeper plays tune)
MARGARET: I'm here all day.
Are you okay?
TARA: Yeah. I'll come find you.
Thanks.
TARA: You duplicitous bitch.
POTTER: Did you give Juice the tapped burners?
ROOSEVELT: He's calling our bluff.
Told me to rat him out, he's done.
POTTER: I doubt that's true.
He's testing us.
ROOSEVELT: No. He's not.
He tried to hang himself.
Bruises all over his neck.
POTTER: That's unfortunate.
ROOSEVELT: He's unstable.
He doesn't care if they k*ll him.
He won't be must use to us.
POTTER: Let him hear the tape.
This was recorded at Stockton's infirmary visitation two days ago-- Robert Munson and Otto Delaney.
OTTO (on tape): You find him?
BOBBY (whispering): Yeah.
Georgie Caruso.
He's the one who k*lled her.
OTTO: You finish it?
BOBBY: Yep.
We took him out.
(recorder clicks off)
ROOSEVELT: Get Munson for m*rder.
GRAD: Not exactly.
This is Georgie Caruso, p*rn king.
These were taken yesterday.
ROOSEVELT: Yesterday?
So, why would Munson lie?
POTTER: Guilt.
He was bedding down Otto's now d*ad wife.
Trying to soothe Otto's pain by convincing him Caruso k*lled her and that the club finished him off.
ROOSEVELT: So turn Otto against Munson.
POTTER: Otto Delaney has endured more pain and suffering for his organization than any other felon I've ever known.
I think this betrayal pushes him over the line.
ROOSEVELT: Even if you tie down your past connection, you'll still need the present.
POTTER: We'll have enough to prosecute with what we have.
I just need more specifics from Juice.
ROOSEVELT: Well, I doubt that you'll get anything.
POTTER: Perhaps.
Let's just see where this magical day takes us.
(laughing, indistinct chatter)
It's been a minute, gentlemen.
JAX: Yes, it has.
LAROY: Seems like our state facility treated y'all well.
(Clay chuckles)
So why are we meeting down here in the middle of the d*ad zone?
Y'all got some new merchandise y'all need to sh**t off?
CLAY: Nah.
We just like the peace and quiet.
GILL: Yo, where the g*n at?
CLAY: Get 'em.
JAX: How's business?
LAROY: Can't complain.
CLAY: You, uh, rolling a little deep for a pickup.
LAROY: So are you.
JAX: I hear you're moving out of H.
You got a new product.
LAROY: Carousel of progress.
CLAY: Cocaine carousel?
LAROY: Not your business.
You sell the g*n, I'll sell the drugs.
JAX: Look, man, it's all our business.
We made a deal with Galindo.
You buying from Lobo puts us at odds.
We can't have that.
LAROY: I don't give a shit who you're dealing with.
You don't tell me how to make my g*dd*mn money.
JAX: I ain't gonna tell you anything, but I have a feeling these guys might want to weigh in.
LAROY: What is this?
You set me up.
JAX: Don't!
(several shouting)
Easy! Back off!
JAX: These assholes will cut off your g*dd*mn head.
(whispering): Be cool, and I will try to get you out of here alive.
LAROY: Lobo approached us last month, before you guys even got out.
We didn't know about Galindo.
CLAY: What'd they offer?
LAROY: Manpower, protection, a piece of anyone else we brought in to buy.
They want to grow.
LUIS: Call them.
Tell them you have a big buyer with an urgent need.
I'm gonna line up your men, I'm gonna g*n them down, and I'm gonna drop their bodies on their mother's doorstep.
JAX (whispers): Let us talk to him.
Come on.
LAROY (quietly): I turn on Lobo, they'll crucify us.
CLAY: You see what we got behind us here?
You don't get on board, there won't be anything left to crucify.
JAX: Bro, we cannot get in the middle of a cartel beef.
Got to roll with Galindo.
We'll talk to Alvarez, figure out a way to cut in the Niners.
LAROY: All right. JAX: All right.
(insects buzzing)
GEMMA: Oh, Jesus.
(crying): I told you.
g*dd*mn it, I told you!
You s... stupid old man!
(sobs)
UNSER (exhales): Jesus.
GEMMA: How did this happen, Wayne?
This had to be Clay.
He lied to me last night.
Told me he was at the clubhouse.
We b*rned those letters.
There was no proof.
Why would he have to do this?
UNSER: Clay read the letters.
The ones you saw burning were copies.
He thinks... Tara and Piney have the originals.
GEMMA: You son of a bitch.
UNSER: I thought I could prevent this.
GEMMA: That's why you've been hovering over Tara.
UNSER: Clay is like a wounded animal, Gemma.
He's gonna rip apart anything that comes too close.
Including Tara.
I can't protect your old man anymore.
I'm calling this in to the Sheriff's.
Have 'em pick up Clay.
GEMMA: No.
UNSER: The next corpse you're gonna be standing over is the mother of your grandchild. Are you ready for that? Clay cannot be saved.
GEMMA: You're right. He's a wounded animal. And he needs us, Wayne, more than ever. What kind of wife would I be if I... if I turn on him now?
UNSER: One that wanted to survive.
GEMMA: I love him. We are all responsible for this. Our hands are just as bloody as Clay's.
UNSER: Did you lie to me, too? Did you know the real reason why Clay wanted JT d*ad? Him... ending g*n?
GEMMA: I supported Clay's decision. I knew it was the best thing for the town... and the club... and my family. I never knew the details.
UNSER: I'm gonna choose to believe that.
(Unser grunts, exhales)
GEMMA: We have to find those letters, Wayne. I can prove to Clay that there's no thr*at. I know I can bring him close again, I know I can. Please, Wayne?
(Unser panting)
UNSER: It, uh, looks like... Clay made an attempt to point this at the cartel shit. I can help with that. And make sure it doesn't blow back on him... or the club.
GEMMA: Thank you.
UNSER: You should get out of here. I-I can handle this.
CRUZ: So... Where's this new buyer?
LAROY: Waiting for my call. You have the blow?
CRUZ: Three keys, half already cut and bagged.
LAROY: They're a few minutes away.
(line ringing)
(g*n)
Back up!
(g*n, indistinct shouting)
LUIS: Go, go...
CRUZ: Get us out of here.
Shit! Get down.
Vámonos.
(tires screeching)
JAX: g*dd*mn it!
What the hell was that?!
CLAY: Guess the thr*at was bigger than you thought, huh?
LUIS: Line 'em up.
Hurry!
JAX: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?!
LUIS: Sending a message.
LAROY: Clay!
You can't let them do this.
I did what you asked!
Clay.
JAX: You can't do this.
LUIS: This is not your business.
JAX: It's all our business!
This isn't Mexico.
We're not kings here, man.
We got to work with other crews.
You start g*n people down, no one is going to trust us.
You want to move your product, we need relationships.
LUIS: Not this relationship.
JAX: Laroy made a bad choice.
Better message is that he changed his mind, decided to roll with Galindo.
You k*ll this guy, you're k*lling everything.
LUIS: One more bad decision and I'm gonna wipe 19th Street from the map.
LUIS: You got a minute?
BOBBY: Get 'em up.
JAX: Yeah, come on.
BOBBY: Get 'em up.
LAROY: Thanks.
LUIS: Romeo wanted me to let you know... he has a solution to your doctor problem.
There's only one number on the speed dial, so call it when you have a time and a place.
But he's an independent contractor, so once it's set in motion, it can't be stopped.
CLAY: Yeah, okay.
(whispering): This can't blow back on me... or my club.
It has to look like something from the outside.
(Luis laughs)
LUIS: Well, considering our current state of affairs, that doesn't seem to be a problem.
Let's go.
GEMMA: You waiting on Jax?
TARA: No.
You took the letters from my office.
(Gemma sighs)
GEMMA: I had Unser take 'em.
He b*rned 'em before I could read any of it.
Also told me they were copies, which means you still have the originals.
You have no idea what you just stirred up.
TARA: I haven't done anything with them.
GEMMA: You let Piney read 'em.
TARA: No, I didn't.
I-I asked him about John, told him I read some things.
Did he say that he read them?
GEMMA: You want out of here?
TARA: Don't you?
Look at the last three weeks, Gemma.
We are all in danger.
How could you want your grandchildren to be raised in this chaos?
GEMMA: Then why didn't you let Jax read those letters?
TARA: You were right.
Things John wrote about would be very painful for Jax to read.
The truth about Clay... GEMMA: - You're afraid Jax would k*ll him.
TARA: Yeah.
Finding out how John really felt at the end-- it would break Jax's heart knowing how he had been hating his father so... deeply.
Th-The, the guilt would push him deeper into the club and...
I'd lose him.
GEMMA: What about me?
What would he feel about me if he read 'em?
TARA: He'd learn some hurtful truth.
You being with Clay before John died.
GEMMA: I made mistakes.
TARA: Did you know that Clay tried to k*ll JT?
GEMMA: I know what everyone else does.
John went out the way they should all go out-- on two wheels at high speed.
I don't know if Clay k*lled JT.
All I know is, he brought me back to life.
What are you gonna do?
TARA: I'm gonna drive up to Oregon tomorrow.
Surgical conference.
Give me some time to think.
POTTER: Mr. Delaney, Deputy Sheriff Marcel.
Thank you for seeing me again.
OTTO: More family photos?
POTTER: Not quite.
There were a couple of suspects in your wife's m*rder.
One was Georgie Caruso.
I know Robert Munson was trying to convince you that he was guilty, but Georgie's alibi checks out.
He was in Thailand when Luann was m*rder.
I also know Bobby led you to believe that the club had avenged Luann's death, but... that's not true either.
That's Mr. Caruso outside of his place of business yesterday.
Time stamps in the corner.
I can make arrangements for you to reach out and confirm.
Georgie's alive and well.
OTTO: This makes no sense.
Why would they lie to me?
POTTER: They didn't k*ll Georgie because he wasn't guilty.
I still believe the statistic holds true.
Bobby Elvis was sleeping with Luann.
When he became concerned that you and the club would find out, he k*lled her.
You came to Stockton to do a six-year stretch.
The moves you made in here for the club added another 30.
You lost your freedom, your vision... your sanity.
And now you're on death row.
Seems to me there is a substantial inequity at play here.
OTTO: Who are you?
Sheriffs don't have the juice to bug infirmary visitation rooms.
POTTER: I'm just a guy trying to balance the scales.
(knock on door)
JAX: Can I talk to you for a minute?
GEMMA: What's going on?
JAX: Tara's going to head up to Oregon tomorrow.
GEMMA: Yeah, I know.
JAX: She's taking the boys with her.
GEMMA: Why?
JAX: She's their mother.
She's gonna take Elyda to help her.
GEMMA: For how long?
JAX: I'm not sure.
GEMMA: What are you doing, Jackson?
JAX: I'm getting my boys clear of headless bodies.
GEMMA: You can't do that.
JAX: Mom, it's just until we get past this cartel shit.
Tara's just doing what you would do.
She's protecting her family.
(footfalls approaching)
CHIBS: Sorry.
I was wondering if you'd seen Juice.
He's not picking up his cell phone and, uh, I can't find him.
JAX: Shit.
(Roosevelt clears his throat)
POTTER: Hello, Juan Carlos.
Lincoln Potter.
I'm a big fan.
JUICE: What the hell is this?
POTTER: I'm so glad you asked.
(keypad beeping)
After you, sir.
JUICE: Oh, shit.
POTTER: Have you ever seen the inside of a RICO operation?
(Juice screaming)
(panting)
Get off him!
BOBBY: You were great today.
Talking the cartel down, saving Laroy and all those other guys.
It was impressive.
This club needs that.
Can't lose you.
Yeah, I know you're jumping out with Clay.
JAX: Who told you?
BOBBY: It was Clay talking to me about handing me the gavel after he steps down.
You are supposed to be the next president, not me.
It's your path.
JAX: It isn't.
BOBBY: You ain't gonna make it anyplace else.
JAX: I'm gonna try.
BOBBY: Like you tried with Ima.
Your solution to a problem will always be a club solution.
It's the way you're wired.
JAX: I can change.
BOBBY: Yeah.
Well, maybe.
(sighs)
JAX: You told Bobby I was getting out?
Promised him that seat?
CLAY: I'm sorry.
Opie can't lead this club.
It's just not who he is.
I'm only trying to protect what we worked so hard to build.
JAX: At this rate, ain't gonna be much left of that building.
(Clay scoffs)
The cartel was a mistake.
CLAY: You almost took Bobby's head off this morning for barking that same gripe.
JAX: I'm not just griping about it.
We need an exit strategy.
I'm gonna come up with one, and then I'm out.
CLAY: What are you talking about?
JAX: We're gonna make this deal with the Irish, get Romeo his WMDs, and then, we're gonna sit down and plan a way to get this club free of Galindo.
See an end date.
And then I'm gone.
I'm taking Tara and my boys, and we're getting clear of this.
CLAY: You promised me, you would finish this out.
JAX: And you promised me the cartel would be good for the club.
I guess we both lied.
CLAY: Doctor p*ssy's clouding who you are, son.
JAX: If you ever talk that way about Tara again, I will pound those half-d*ad hands so hard into this table, you won't ever be able to hold that gavel again.
POTTER: We've been on this RICO operation for almost two years.
Started with the Russians, and it's ending with Sons of Anarchy.
We're turning Otto Delaney.
He'll give us past criminal activities.
That coupled with the MC's ongoing relationship with the cartel will give us our historical pattern of organized crime.
I have enough to shut down every charter from here to Belfast.
JUICE: No.
You don't.
Or you wouldn't be standing here.
POTTER: I want the Real IRA.
I can collect you and the Mexicans without issue, but the clandestine Irish, even with the help of Scotland Yard and Interpol, will be impossible to hurt at home.
They will slither back into their secret snake holes, and the source of all my woes will still be at large.
JUICE: I don't know where they are.
Never met them.
POTTER: MI-5 intelligence has confirmed the Irish Kings are planning a trip stateside.
Most likely to accompany a shipment.
But I know it's about a face-to-face with the cartel.
Old school protocol.
You're going to find out when and where that handshake happens.
(Juice laughs)
JUICE: That's above my pay grade.
POTTER: Well, then, I suggest you apply yourself.
If you give me the information on the cartel-Irish sit-down, I will extract the Sons from the RICO equation.
JUICE: You're gonna just let us walk?
POTTER: No.
But I won't use Federal law to shut down your entire organization.
JUICE: What happens to my club?
POTTER: Some members of SAMCRO will have to pay for their involvement, but the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club will survive.
Hmm.
Maybe saving the reaper will be just the karmic balm your psychic neck wound needs.
CLAY: Little late for Legos, ain't it?
GEMMA: I guess.
(Gemma sighs)
(swing squeaking)
(Clay sighs)
CLAY: Rough day.
GEMMA: Yeah.
I live with so many lies, Clay.
So many things I... can't ever speak of.
I'm okay with that.
I do it to protect what we have.
But I can't lie to you.
You're the only truth I have.
CLAY: I know, baby.
GEMMA: I went to the cabin today.
I know why you did it.
I know you read JT's letters.
b*rned the copies.
CLAY: So... what do we do with this truth?
GEMMA: Nothing.
Stays between us.
Piney wanted a hard way out.
Going down defending John was probably the noblest way for him.
But it stops here.
I talked to Tara.
She's never gonna tell Jax about those letters.
She knows it would just push him deeper into the club.
She's heading out of town tomorrow morning.
Going up to Oregon for some hospital thing.
When she gets back, I'll get the letters.
And I promise you... I won't let her hurt this club or our family.
But you have to promise me... you won't hurt Tara.
CLAY: Okay.
GEMMA: Look me in the eyes and tell me.
CLAY: I promise... I won't hurt Tara.
I love you, Gemma.
Everything I do is for you.
JAX: Got any more room in there?
I'm coming with you.
TARA: Are you serious?
JAX: Yeah, I'm gonna drive you up, have someone from Rogue River bring me home.
I'm out, babe.
Just got a few things to tie up when I get back.
CLAY: Be home in a few.
GEMMA: Okay.
(phone line ringing) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "04x09 - Kiss"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
POTTER: Regarding the m*rder of your wife, Luann Delaney, traces of semen were found in your wife's undergarments. Robert Munson.
BOBBY: Otto would never turn on the club.
JAX: If anything could do it, it would be Luann.
BOBBY: I got no excuse.
OTTO: You find him?
BOBBY: Georgie Caruso.
He's the one who k*lled her.
OTTO: You finish it?
BOBBY: Yeah, we took him out.
ROOSEVELT: Get Munson for m*rder.
POTTER: Georgie's alive and well.
ROOSEVELT: Turned Otto against Munson. It's your daddy. What would the club do if they found out that you're black? If you're lucky enough, you'll walk out alive.
JUICE: What the hell is this?
POTTER: Have you ever seen the inside of a RICO operation? The Irish Kings are planning a trip Stateside. If you give me the information, I will extract the Sons from the RICO equation.
CLAY: Some days we ask our guys to do shit very few men could do. I'm proud of you. You earned it.
(gasps)
CHIBS: I need your advice, brother.
JAX: Sons don't k*ll themselves.
Club's gonna vote him out.
CHIBS: Let me watch him for a while.
CLAY: Where are the letters?
Tara still got them?
PINEY: Just leave her out of it, huh?
CLAY: Too late.
GEMMA: This had to be Clay.
UNSER: I'm calling this in to the sheriffs.
GEMMA: No.
I know I can bring him close again.
I know I can.
UNSER: Clay made an attempt to point this at the cartel shit.
I'm coming with you.
CLAY: We have an internal thr*at.
ROMEO: The doctor?
That's your VP's old lady.
We'll clean it up.
(Tara screams)
TARA: Oh, my God!
(tires screeching)
(Tara screams)
Jax!
I have a d*ad hand.
I'll never save another life, I'll never fix a tiny heart.
JAX: - Hey, baby... TARA: - Go!
GEMMA: You took money out of that safe this morning.
Hours later, somebody goes after Tara.
You didn't know that Jax was gonna be with her, did you?
CLAY: Enough!
GEMMA: You stay away from my family.
UNSER: What's going on?
Holy shit, Gemma.
Clay did this?
g*dd*mn him.
I'll point Piney's m*rder at him.
GEMMA: No, he's gonna die by the hand of a Son.
(Tara grunts softly)
JAX: Hey.
TARA: Morning.
JAX: Morning.
(Tara sighs)
TARA: I... kind of lost it yesterday.
I'm sorry.
JAX: It's okay.
You love me, Tara.
That's where it takes you.
TARA: It's not just you, Jax.
I'm here because... I'm here.
I just don't know what to do now.
JAX: Hey.
We stick to the plan.
TARA: There is no plan anymore.
No hospital wants me.
JAX: You're still a doctor.
TARA: I have to establish myself before I set up a practice.
That takes a lot of time.
JAX: We're gonna have plenty of time.
And I'm gonna have enough cash to keep us afloat until you get on your feet.
Tara, babe, listen to me.
Your hand is gonna get better.
We're getting out of Charming and I am leaving SAMCRO.
TARA: Okay.
JAX: I need you to believe I can do this.
TARA: I do.
I do believe you, Jax.
UNSER: Morning.
GEMMA: Hey.
How was the couch?
UNSER: Uh, fine.
Comfortable actually.
Yeah, please.
Black.
GEMMA: Thanks for staying.
UNSER: Hey... of course.
What should I do here, Gemma?
GEMMA: Finish what you started with Piney.
Point it at the cartel.
It's about the club now.
This landing on Clay is the last thing they need.
Wait a few days before you call it in.
UNSER: That body's getting ripe.
GEMMA: Yeah.
It's gonna crush Ope.
Jax, too.
He's got a lot on his plate rit now.
UNSER: Yeah, I know.
I got to borrow a few things from the garage, tie it up.
What are we gonna do about Clay?
GEMMA: I'll handle it.
UNSER: I get it.
You think you know Clay better than anyone.
And maybe you don't think he's capable of doing anything worse, but I'll tell you... GEMMA: - No.
I do.
Clay would k*ll me.
I got no doubt about that.
But don't worry, sweetheart.
I'm not gonna let that happen.
TIG: Kozik got there with the g*n.
I talked to Jax, he's gonna meet us at the warehouse.
CLAY: Okay.
TIG: You, uh, get into it with Gemma?
CLAY: You don't need to know.
TIG: What do I need to know, Clay?
CLAY: I ain't gonna talk to you about my old lady.
TIG: You don't want to talk about nothing no more.
Ever since we got out, man, I mean, you cut me off.
I got no idea what's going on with you.
CLAY: Jesus Christ.
You and fat Elvis-- couple of chicks.
What, I marry you, too?
TIG: Yeah.
Sorta.
You did.
'Cause I'm the guy at your side steps between you and the shit that tries to k*ll you.
I'm your right hand, Clay.
CLAY: What do you want, a pat on the back every time you climb on your Dyna?
It don't work like that around here, pal.
TIG: Oh.
You know why you're losing this club?
Do you?
Ain't because of the drugs.
It's 'cause you crawl in there and you shut those doors and you lock all of us out.
MARGARET: What in God's name happened?
GEMMA: Flew my broomstick into a brick wall.
MARGARET: Who did this to you?
Don't dismiss this.
This is why Tara has to get out.
Do you understand that? GEMMA: - My son would never do this.
MARGARET: I'm sure Clay's mother said the same thing about him.
GEMMA: I love Tara.
You have no idea how much.
MARGARET: Then dot stop them from leaving.
GEMMA: Where are they going?
MARGARET: I spoke with Providence Hospital this morning.
They want to make Tara an offer.
GEMMA: But her hand.
MARGARET: They're willing to wait out her recuperation.
They want her on staff.
GEMMA: She's on staff here.
MARGARET: I can't cover her downtime.
We're too small.
This offer in Oregon may be her only chance of staying in neonatal.
If you really love her, you will let her take this job, Gemma.
JAX: Holy shit, Mom.
GEMMA: No.
Come here.
JAX: Was this Clay?
GEMMA: It's complicated, Jackson.
JAX: What happened?
GEMMA: It's been building up.
Shit with the drugs and the cartel.
I crossed the line.
JAX: This is more than crossing a line, Mom.
I can't let this slide.
GEMMA: No.
I'm gonna handle this, Jackson.
(scoffs)
Please.
You got to let me settle it.
JAX: I'm so sorry.
GEMMA: No, honey, this isn't your fault.
JAX: I thought we could pull this off.
Cash out.
But I was an idiot.
I am as delusional as he is.
GEMMA: No.
You are a better man.
Are you planning on leaving?
Charming?
I can't take any more lies, Jackson.
JAX: Yeah.
GEMMA: Does Clay know?
JAX: Yeah.
Don't take this to Tara, Mom.
Please, not now.
GEMMA: No, I won't.
JAX: Us leaving... it's about my sons.
GEMMA: It always is.
(knock on door)
PHIL: Tara?
Uh, she said she was family.
TARA: It's okay.
WENDY: He's a big one.
(chuckles)
TARA: Yeah.
Um, thank you.
WENDY: Sure.
Sorry to barge in.
I-I wasn't sure if you were going to be awake.
TARA: What are you doing here?
WENDY: Oh, I'm running a program in your HR department.
And I was looking for you in neonatal, and they said you were up here.
TARA: Yeah.
Here I am.
I... I thought you were in Seattle.
WENDY: I was.
Sober living.
I just moved back two weeks ago.
And I got a job at a recovery center in Lathrop.
We do a lot of hospital and corporate stuff, so... - Oh.
Good for you.
WENDY: Can I ask what happened to you?
TARA: I slammed my hand in a car door.
WENDY: Oh, shit.
Sorry.
I heard about your son.
That's really great.
I'm happy for you and Jax.
TARA: Thanks.
(chuckles)
I'm really not quite sure what to say here.
WENDY: I don't know what to say, either.
(sighs)
I've just been waiting for the right time to reach out.
TARA: And you thought now would be that time?
WENDY: I don't want to cause any trouble.
TARA: What is it you do want, Wendy?
WENDY: I want to see my son.
TARA: I'm his mother.
I'm the one who raised him when you walked away.
WENDY: I know.
And I am grateful you were here to do that, but legally, I am still his mother.
TARA: You gave up your rights.
WENDY: Custody, yes.
Not the right for him to know the truth.
My number's on the card.
Just tell Jax I'll be in touch.
I'm going to get to know my son.
(door opens, closes)
(screaming)
HAPPY: Forward.
CLAY: Any problem getting the g*n through customs?
KOZIK: No, man.
Our guy pushed them through same way as the others.
BOBBY: Thanks for loaning us the guys.
Tacoma's been a big help.
LEE: No problem.
Need the work, brother.
CLAY: We heard from the Irish Kings?
KOZIK: Talked to Seamus.
They're all coming.
The west table-- Rourke, Gaalan and Leary.
They're worried about the cartel, Clay.
This rival beef.
JAX: Hey.
KOZIK: Hey, buddy.
JAX: Good to see you, bro.
KOZIK: You, too, man.
How's Tara doing?
JAX: She's getting through it, thanks.
Give me a minute?
CLAY: What is it?
JAX: I just saw my mom.
CLAY: And?
JAX: What do you think?
She wouldn't tell me what happened.
So I'm asking you.
CLAY: That's between me and my old lady.
JAX: No, you don't get off that easy.
You b*at the shit out of my mother.
CLAY: You want to pull off this exit strategy of yours, you better stop focusing on my domestic life and start focusing on the issue at hand.
(Clay sighs)
Now... I spoke to Romeo.
He's got intel on the Lobos.
JAX: They find the guys who jumped Tara?
CLAY: I'm not sure.
But I need your head in this game on all fronts.
You understand?
JAX: Oh, I'm focused.
And this ain't finished.
BOBBY: Everything cool?
CLAY: Fine.
Let's check the merchandise.
KOZIK: Kings don't want anyone touching these till they get out here.
CLAY: Understood.
KOZIK: We got, uh, long-range sn*per r*fle, 50-caliber machine g*n, rocket-propelled grenade-launcher.
My God.
Real deal.
JUICE: Damn.
Only seen g*n like this in my w*r games.
Call of Duty shit.
(indistinct crowd chatter)
GEMMA: Oh, shit.
What happened?
BALIAN: Smashed her cast.
Going to have to take her back into surgery.
PHIL: I don't know what happened, I swear.
Some chick came with flowers.
Tara said it was cool.
She left a few minutes later.
Then I heard Tara screaming.
GEMMA: What chick?
PHIL: She just said she was family...
GEMMA: Oh, my God.
PHIL: Who was she?
(Gemma sighs)
GEMMA: Junkie whore.
LUIS: These are the men who att*cked your family yesterday.
JAX: There were three of them.
LUIS: Yeah, we're into finding the others.
ROMEO: They gave us the intel on the remaining Lobos.
We'll get the other guy, end the thr*at here in Northern California.
JAX: I want to be there.
CLAY: If we help shut it down, it'll give the Irish some peace of mind.
Makes us look like one big happy family.
ROMEO: Fair enough.
LUIS: I'll give you the details.
JAX: This Galindo deal-- it's already spilled too much blood.
I don't expect you guys to take that risk.
Going after these Lobos is about Tara.
It's my shit.
I'm gonna handle it.
TIG: This ain't just about Tara, brother.
This is about hurting those assholes that sh*t up our clubhouse and k*lled Armando.
CLAY: Jax is right.
This cartel run's turned into one bloody ride.
Nobody saw it coming, including me.
But we're in the homestretch now, bro.
I say we close this door, we get back to business as usual.
BOBBY: I'm not letting you go into do this alone.
CHIBS: Me, either.
I'm in.
TIG: Yeah, me, too.
KOZIK: All right, let's do it.
HAPPY: Yup. I'm there.
CLAY: What about you, Ope? You in?
OPIE: Yeah, I'm in.
JAX: Okay.
CLAY: How you doing, Mayor?
OSWALD: I wouldn't go counting votes yet.
Hale's investors came together.
Asian money.
When it goes back to City Council next week, he'll have the funds to begin construction.
It'll pass, Clay.
Charming Heights is a go.
CLAY: Shit.
When did this happen?
OSWALD: Hale called me this morning.
He's getting his ducks in a row.
JAX: Let me guess.
You're one of his ducks.
OSWALD: I got to roll with this.
It's the only way I come close to getting even, Clay.
I'm sorry, guys.
(car engine starting)
BOBBY: Georgie shat all over his promise.
He was supposed to dangle the investment in front of the Asians.
JAX: Maybe it's time you go remind him, huh?
BOBBY: Yeah.
JAX: We got the Mexicans covered.
BOBBY: You and me, Tiggy.
TIG: Yeah.
OPIE: Georgie might be in the wind.
I'll track down Lyla, see if she can help.
CLAY: Tig?
If Georgie has reneged on his promise, he's of no more use to us.
TIG: Copy that.
(motorcycle engines starting)
(humming)
(door opens)
POTTER: I appreciate you reaching out to me, Mr. Delaney.
Trust you were able to confirm Georgie Caruso's alive... - Stop talking.
Answer my questions, and if I think you're lying, conversation ends.
Who are you?
POTTER: I'm Lincoln Potter, federal prosecutor, Assistant U.S. Attorney, Northern California district.
OTTO: And what do you want from me?
POTTER: I'm building a case against the Real IRA and the Galindo cartel.
Sons of Anarchy is my way in.
OTTO: RICO.
POTTER: - Yes. OTTO: - Yeah.
And you need Bobby Munson to establish history.
POTTER: That's correct.
Your brothers have clearly blasphemed... OTTO: - Stop... talking.
(sighs)
This is what I want.
And, uh... you should write this shit down.
I got money in three bank accounts.
It's lot a lot, but I want it to go to Luann's sister.
I want to see an eye doctor.
Get some new glasses, so I can read better.
I want Lenny Janowitz to... to get some privileges back, like visitation or yard.
POTTER: That might prove difficult.
OTTO: This isn't a negotiation.
And I want you to move up my execution date.
I'll waive my appeals.
I want to go as soon as I can.
Write it down.
Last thing.
I got to be the one that tells Bobby I gave him up.
Me, face-to-face.
POTTER: May I speak? I'll need you to document Robert Munson's involvement in selling g*n.
OTTO: I'll give you a dozen crimes. Him, Clay, whoever the hell you want.
POTTER: Fair enough. I'll also need to put you in protective custody. I can't take a risk of you communicating with any other prisoners. You know too much.
OTTO: Fine with me. Better food. (chuckles)
(laughing)
You don't get shit until I see those all in writing. Large print, please.
POTTER: Understood.
OTTO: You should go.
(speaking Spanish)
Run, oh my god!
(speaking Spanish)
What is going on?
CHIBS: Knees!
CLAY: Check the trailers!
CHIBS: Clear!
JAX: Clear! Where the hell is the rest of them?!
(Romeo speaks Spanish)
Where are the rest of them?
(g*n)
(In Spanish) - Where are the rest of them?
There in the woods, there are other camps.
ROMEO: This is the first line.
Main camp is in the woods.
(two g*n)
Luis will take a unit into the woods.
We'll grab the rest of your guys, you take position behind those rocks, cover their entry.
JAX: All right, I'm going with them.
CHIBS: Aye. Me, too.
HAPPY: And three.
ROMEO: Let's go.
JAX: Hey, back up Clay.
KOZIK: Absolutely.
(quiet click)
CLAY: Shit.
Stop!
Mines!
(a*t*matic g*n)
Get down!
(quiet click)
KOZIK: Oh, you got to be sh1tting me.
Down!
JAX: They're sitting ducks in that minefield.
They ain't making it out of there.
CHIBS: What the hell do we do now?
JAX: I don't know.
LUIS: It'll take a few hours for me to get reinforcements.
Hey, what about your guys?
JAX: I ain't bringing any more of my guys here to get k*lled.
Shit.
No service.
CHIBS: Middle of g*dd*mn nowhere.
LUIS: Here.
Satellite.
JAX: You guys come prepared.
(dialing)
CHIBS: Who you calling?
JAX: I'm ordering a pizza.
Big Irish pizza.
LYLA: Georgie's got a photo sh**t with a couple of Dondo's girls.
Money sh*t Studios.
Should be there now.
OPIE: Thanks.
You guys give us a minute?
TIG: Yeah.
LYLA: I didn't know what to do, Ope.
My default is to split.
I know you're pissed.
OPIE: Yeah.
LYLA: That's it?
"Yeah"?
We got to talk about this shit.
OPIE: There's nothing else to say.
I don't blame you for leaving.
Never thought it would really work, anyways.
LYLA: Then why did you marry me?
OPIE: I was looking for something I guess.
LYLA: Something or someone?
OPIE: I wanted it to work.
I really did.
LYLA: Nothing's gonna work, Ope.
Not until she's d*ad.
TIG: It's all right, brother.
Hey, come on, Ope. Got to go. Come on.
Great, beautiful.
There you go, Georgie, big smile, big smile.
Turn just a little bit, come on, get close to him.
Good, beautiful.
GEORGIE: Hey, guys.
Here to see me?
TIG: No.
We're here to get some tasteful sh*ts of our genitals.
BOBBY: Stop grinning, idiot.
Your slant investor cut Hale a check.
GEORGIE: No, no, we met with him.
We faked interest, like you said.
But I didn't tell anyone to go forward.
BOBBY: - No. OPIE: - Somebody did.
And you're gonna fix it before that money hits Hale's account.
GEORGIE: Okay.
I'll dig into it as soon as I'm done here.
BOBBY: You're done.
GEORGIE: - Yeah? BOBBY: - Yeah.
Ladies, I'll be back in a minute.
Keep going.
OPIE: Hey.
You all right?
TIG: I'm terrified.
But I'm totally erect.
OPIE: Let's go.
LUIS: Your pizza's here.
CHIBS: Jax, come here.
JAX: What's up?
CHIBS: You know using these bad boys is really gonna piss off the Irish.
JAX: At this point, bro, it's a risk I'm willing to take.
CHIBS: Good.
'Cause I can't wait to blow the shit out of these greasy bastards.
JAX: - Let's do it. LUIS: - Yeah, we got them.
We're coming in.
ROMEO: Copy that.
They've got the firepower.
They'll flush them out.
(man speaks Spanish)
To the left.
We'll cover their exit. Wait until we're in position.
(men shouting in Spanish)
(a*t*matic g*n)
(men speaking Spanish)
(Speaking spanish)
There's another here.
(Speaking Spanish) In the head.
That's the last of them. We are all clear.
JAX: Hey!
Can you retrace your steps?
CLAY: Yeah, I think so.
One at a time. Slow.
CLAY: Juice, you'll fall in behind me.
JUICE: I got it.
CLAY: What are you doing?
CHIBS: Juice, Juice!
Hey!
Easy!
JUICE: Clear.
GEORGIE: Shit!
Natsuki family met with Hale two more times behind my back.
Natsuki family, it's all they're in.
TIG: That's really bad.
GEORGIE: I swear, I had no idea.
They're scumbags.
I mean, who else would gets a business with me?
And then jumping on some suburban land deal, I mean, who could've seen that coming?
BOBBY: Yeah.
A clean, quiet place to funnel their dirty money.
Kinda makes sense to me.
GEORGIE: Oh, I didn't know.
Listen, let me talk to Clay, so I can fix this.
BOBBY: Sure.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
GEORGIE: Oh.
BOBBY: Get in.
GEORGIE: No.
No, no, no!
I did everything you guys asked me to do!!
BOBBY: Get in. Get in!
There's only one way I'm not gonna k*ll you.
You're gonna tell me the truth about Luann.
GEORGIE: I don't know anything.
BOBBY: You know nothing?
(cocks g*n)
(panting)
GEORGIE (muffled): Okay, I'll tell you the truth!
I'll tell you the truth, but you can't k*ll me!
You guys live by your word and shit, right?
You got to honor this.
BOBBY: All right, I promise.
I'm not gonna k*ll you.
GEORGIE: I sent a few guys up there to rough her up, that's it, just to scare her.
To get her to let loose some of her girls.
OPIE: Scare her with baseball bats?
GEORGIE: She fought back. It got out of control.
Those guys were never supposed to k*ll her.
I swear to God, I would never do that.
That's it. I told you the truth.
BOBBY: I know.
I know.
GEORGIE: Bob! No, no.
Please, I'm begging you!
Bobby! Please! Don't k*ll me, please!
TIG: Come on.
(sighs)
CLAY: Get Kozik's cut.
We'll give it to Lee.
He was on his way back to Tacoma.
JUICE: Kozik have any family?
CHIBS: Brother.
San Diego, I think.
JAX: Call his brother.
We'll have a memorial after we finish this thing with the Irish.
He almost made it out.
Yeah, talk to Juice, would you?
That shit today was crazy.
He is making me very nervous.
CLAY: What are you doing here?
UNSER: Just returning some tools.
CLAY: Where is she?
I know she called you.
Prospects saw your truck at my house last night.
UNSER: Yeah, she called.
It's a natural reaction-- to reach out to a friend-- when someone tries to k*ll you.
(Clay chuckles)
CLAY: Man, you must love this shit.
You get to swoop in, rescue her.
A dream come true.
UNSER: My dream don't include her beaten to a pulp.
CLAY: My wife, my club... is not your concern.
You keep your secrets, I keep mine, all right?
UNSER: I know you k*lled Piney.
I know you tried to k*ll Tara.
My telling Jax what I know only hurts him.
But I'm warning you, Clay... and may whatever shit god I still believe in be witness to this-- you ever hurt Gemma again, I'll k*ll you.
CLAY: I guess cancer gives a man a certain resolve, huh?
Benefit of an end date.
Nothing more dangerous than a guy who already knows he's d*ad.
WENDY: Hey, are you the guy who called?
CHUCK: Yes.
Chucky. I'm the manny.
WENDY: Okay.
(Wendy chuckles)
My son here?
CHUCK: Yeah.
Tara said it's okay-- you can see Abel.
He's in the back bedroom.
WENDY: Thanks.
Oh, shit.
Why am I not surprised?
GEMMA: Because drugs dull the senses?
WENDY: Not anymore.
GEMMA: Boys are at my house.
WENDY: Wow.
The room looks great.
GEMMA: Yeah.
She's a real good mom.
WENDY: I can tell.
Should I even ask what happened to you?
GEMMA: No.
I'm the one doing the asking.
WENDY: Okay.
Well, I am clean and sober for over two years.
I finished my B.A.
I am now a certified substance abuse counselor.
I have a two-bedroom outside of Altamont.
I have a French bulldog named Ramone.
I had my tubes tied and I recently decided that I like women.
What's new with you?
GEMMA: Absolutely nothing.
(Wendy sighs)
WENDY: Gemma, I did not come here to stir shit up.
Abel is my son.
I gave up the right to raise him, but I did not give up the right to know him.
GEMMA: Yeah.
I get that.
I kind of figured you'd resurface at some point... or turn up d*ad.
Honestly I was hoping for the latter.
WENDY: I'm sorry to disappoint you.
GEMMA: I'll help you to get to know your son.
But it's by my rules, on my schedule.
WENDY: And what the hell is that supposed to mean?
GEMMA: Tara is under psych observation.
She didn't take your visit very well.
WENDY: I'm sorry.
I-I didn't know.
GEMMA: It's a bad time.
That's all you need to know.
WENDY: When is it ever a good time?
GEMMA: I'll tell you when.
Until then, no contact, not with Jax or Tara.
You understand me?
WENDY: If you try to box me out, Gemma, I swear to God, I'll get a lawyer and make this shit loud and messy.
GEMMA: There's that junkie whore I remember.
WENDY: If you thought I was dangerous loaded, wait till you see me sober, baby.
(Wendy chuckles)
(toilet flushing)
CHIBS: What the hell was that today?
Was that another attempt to swing from a tree?
You told me you were okay.
JUICE: I am.
I was just trying to make sure that they were... Kozik, man.
Shit.
(Juice panting)
(Chibs sighs)
(Juice sobbing)
CHIBS: Jesus Christ.
What's going on with you, boy?
Huh?
Tell me.
JUICE: The... the sheriff found out some shit when he was digging into my profile and he's thr*at me with it.
CHIBS: thr*at you how?
JUICE: He says that he'll... he says he'll tell the club unless I start giving him intel.
CHIBS: Tell the club what?
What does he have on you?
JUICE: My dad.
He's black.
CHIBS: So?
JUICE: The rules.
He tells the club, I'm out.
CHIBS: What does your paperwork say?
Your birth certificate.
Under race, which box is checked?
JUICE: - It's Hispanic. CHIBS: - Hispanic.
Then that's what you are.
Half of us don't know who the hell our fathers are.
The paperwork is the only thing that counts.
Shit.
This is why you tried offing yourself?
(laughing): Jesus Christ, boy.
You're an idiot.
All this is gonna be okay.
Listen to me.
You tell that sheriff next time you see him... he can go and suck your daddy's big, black cock.
(Juice laughs)
There's not a g*dd*mn thing he can do to you.
Yeah?
JUICE (sniffs): Yeah.
(beeping)
I got to take my antibiotics.
CHIBS: Good.
It's time you heal this.
You understand?
No more.
No more, Juicy.
JUICE: Okay.
CHIBS: I love you, my brother.
JUICE: I love you.
Thanks, brother.
CHIBS: Couple of guys hugging in the bathroom.
(Juice sighs)
(phone line ringing)
Hello?
JUICE: It's me.
Checking in.
TIG: Shit.
Did he go fast?
JAX: Yeah. He was d*ad before he felt it.
BOBBY: Everyone else whole?
CLAY: Yeah.
Lobos are finished.
Cartel feud is squashed.
Where we at with Georgie?
What?
TIG: Oswald was right.
The Asians-- they're on board with Charming Heights.
Georgie can't stop it.
(slams door)
BOBBY: Georgie confessed to Luann.
It's done.
JAX: You should go see Otto tomorrow.
Give the poor guy some closure.
BOBBY: Yeah.
JAX: For Kozik.
BOBBY: Luann.
OTTO: I don't see the stuff about Lenny.
POTTER: That'll take a few more phone calls.
You knew I couldn't make that happen this fast.
Everything else you wanted is there.
OTTO: Yeah, it is.
So sign it.
(clicks pen)
POTTER: Now it's your turn.
Officer Dunn will gladly transcribe everything and anything you'd like to share.
OTTO: Yeah, I'll tell the stories, but I'm not signing off on any transcripts until Lenny gets his privileges.
POTTER: Agreed.
I have to ask.
If you're turning over the rest of your club, why the concern for Mr. Janowitz?
OTTO: You wouldn't get it.
(Potter chuckles)
POTTER: I wish that wasn't true.
OPIE: How's Tara?
(Jax exhales)
JAX: I don't know.
Headed there now.
She freaked out at me yesterday.
It's crazy shit, man.
It's all coming to a head.
OPIE: Sorry.
JAX: So, you talked to Lyla?
OPIE: Yep.
Ain't gonna happen.
JAX (sighs): Shit.
I'm sorry.
OPIE: Why?
JAX: Because I want you to be happy.
OPIE: Oh, is that what you are?
JAX: Look, if you got something to say, just say it.
OPIE: When Donna wanted me out... I didn't stay 'cause of what you said.
I stayed 'cause I knew that trying to be anything else would be a lie... and that's the worst thing a guy can do to his family.
JAX: I didn't plan this, Ope.
It just played out this way.
I'm sorry, I never meant to lie to you.
OPIE: Yeah, and I'm sorry I believed you.
OPIE: Hey, grab me the tow keys.
UNSER: - Little late for a pickup. OPIE: - Gonna pick up Piney.
Got a feeling he's in no condition to ride.
UNSER: Yeah.
Probably not.
(engine starts)
(engine starts)
JAX: You doing okay?
GEMMA: Yeah.
You see Tara?
JAX: No. I'm going now.
GEMMA: She had a bad day, Jax.
I don't know what happened, but... she smashed up her hand.
JAX: Wh-What do you mean?
GEMMA: Self-inflicted.
They reset her hand.
They got her sedated.
JAX: - Okay. I love you. GEMMA: - I love you.
TIG: Oh, Gem.
Gem.
This was Clay.
(motorcycle engine starts)
GEMMA: Not now, Tiggy.
(motorcycle driving away)
(footfalls approaching)
CLAY: What?
TIG: Here.
You're right.
This ain't the way it works.
(quiet, rhythmic beeping)
(quiet, rhythmic beeping continues)
(motorcycle engine fading in distance)
OPIE: Hey, Pop?
Oh, God!
Hey, Pop? (Coughing)
(panting): Dad? Dad?!
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit! Dad?
(sobbing): Oh...
Oh, my God!
(sobbing): Oh, Pop... oh... (creaking)
UNSER: - Whoa, whoa! Easy, Ope! OPIE: - What the hell are you doing here?
UNSER: Easy, easy.
OPIE: What are you doing here?!
UNSER: I-I followed you up.
OPIE: You knew about this?
UNSER: Uh... yes.
OPIE (panting): Who did it?
Why didn't you tell me?
UNSER: That's... why I'm here now.
OPIE: Was it the Mexicans?
UNSER: No. No.
OPIE: Talk to me.
UNSER: Clay... k*lled your old man.
OPIE: What?
UNSER: Clay k*lled him.
OPIE: That's bullshit.
UNSER: I wish it were.
Piney had some kind of leverage on Clay.
Was using it to get the club out of the cartel deal.
Clay came up here to change his mind.
Things went south.
He k*lled him.
OPIE: How do you know this?
UNSER: Gemma found out.
She asked me to come up here and fix the scene, make it look like the cartel.
I swear.
(Opie panting slowly)
OPIE: And why are you telling me this?
UNSER: Gemma confronted Clay about Piney.
He almost k*lled her.
b*at her bloody.
Clay's out of control.
(Opie sobbing)
You're no stranger to that.
He tried to k*ll you, and k*lled your wife.
Now he k*lled your father, too.
(Opie panting, grunting)
If you don't believe me... go see Gemma's face.
Ask her who did it.
(panting continues)
Clay's got to go, son... before he kills someone else you love.
(seething breaths) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "04x11 - Call of Duty"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
POTTER: I promise, when we take down the Irish at this meet, we'll need to prosecute the club members present, but that's where it stops. I will not use RICO to dismantle the Sons.
GEMMA: You took money out of that safe this morning.
Hours later somebody goes after Tara.
(Tara screaming)
(man grunting)
(tires screeching)
You didn't know that Jax was gonna be with her, did you?
CLAY: Enough!
GEMMA: You stay away from my family.
(grunting)
UNSER: What's going on? Holy shit, Gemma. Clay did this?
TARA: What are you doing here?
WENDY: I want to see my son.
TARA: I am the one who raised him when you walked away.
WENDY: I know, but legally I am still his mother.
(Tara screams)
POTTER: I'll need you to document Robert Munson's involvement in selling g*n.
OTTO: I'll give you a dozen crimes.
TIG: You know why you're losing this club?
It's 'cause you shut those doors and you lock all of us out.
Gem, this was Clay.
You're right, this ain't the way it works.
OPIE: Oh, God.
Dad?
Oh, my God.
Shit.
What are you doing here?!
UNSER: Clay k*lled your old man.
Gemma confronted Clay about Piney.
He almost k*lled her.
Go see Gemma's face.
Clay has got to go, son.
(banging on door)
OPIE: It's Ope.
I'm okay.
You want some coffee?
OPIE: No, thanks.
GEMMA: You looking for Clay?
OPIE: Yeah, I am.
GEMMA: He's staying at the clubhouse.
OPIE: Why did he hurt you?
GEMMA: I'm tired, Ope.
It just happened.
OPIE: I want to know why.
GEMMA (sighs): Heat with the club.
When that hits a boiling point same time as... as family shit, it's just a bad combination.
OPIE: What family shit?
GEMMA: Do not take this on, Ope.
What happened between me and Clay-- that's historic shit.
Been building a long time.
OPIE: So what happens now?
You and Clay?
GEMMA: I do what I always do.
I take care of my family.
CHIBS: Here we go, the kings.
CLAY: Welcome, gentlemen.
Gaalan, good to see you.
GAALAN: Good to see you, too, Clay.
ROURKE: Clay, how are you?
(indistinct voices)
This is quaint, nice and private.
CLAY: Owner's a friend.
Dummy corps protects everybody.
ROURKE: Even from the cartel?
CLAY: My guys are here 24-7.
g*n are safe.
JAX: Hey, sorry I'm late.
GAALAN: Guess you had more pressing business.
JAX: Mother of my son in the hospital.
BROGAN: Aye, we heard.
Sorry about your girl.
GAALAN: Unfortunate events such as yours-- reason why this cartel deal worries us.
We understood your need to shed the Russians, and funneling our small arms to the Mexicans was a reasonable risk, but everything that's happened since, not very reasonable at all.
JAX: The bloodshed was an internal cartel beef.
It's been handled.
GAALAN: Handled by the g*n we specifically told you not to use.
CLAY: Those RPGs saved my life, brother.
If Jax doesn't make that call, we're not standing here right now.
GAALAN: If we weren't in bed with those dirty w*tbacks, we wouldn't be standing here either.
I'd be at home resting comfortably.
So would your girl.
CLAY: Look, you trust me, I trust Galindo.
Talking about a once-in-a- lifetime opportunity here.
JAX: Romeo understands the need for discretion.
ROURKE: Hard to be discreet with RPGs, 50-cals, and sn*per r*fles.
CHIBS: Look, all these big g*n will be used south of the border.
None of this shite will blow back on the cause.
GAALAN: I need assurances.
CLAY: We're gonna meet with Romeo tomorrow.
He's gonna answer all your questions, address all your concerns, I promise.
GAALAN: Meet needs to be on neutral ground.
Bring 'em a sample of the w*apon.
If it works out, bring 'em back here, do the exchange.
CLAY: There's an Indian reservation ten minutes from here.
Very private.
GAALAN: 3:00.
CLAY: Good.
(phones ringing)
GRAD: Hitting a wall getting Lenny Janowitz his privileges.
POTTER: We may have to deal directly with the Department of Corrections.
Only way it happens quickly.
GRAD: That's a risk.
Warden knows, guards find out, pretty soon inmates are passing that from block to block.
Just got this text.
POTTER: We'll have to take the risk.
Juan Carlos just locked down our Irish-Cartel g*n meet.
(knocking)
CHIBS: Yo, we're heading out, Juicy.
BOBBY: Maybe we can get out of this in one piece.
CHIBS: Yeah.
BOBBY: Yeah.
CHIBS: Shite's in the rearview now, boys.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
(door opens)
(door closes)
TARA: What happened to you?
GEMMA: Fell down some stairs.
TARA: Christ, Gemma.
GEMMA: How you feeling?
TARA: Like I want more morphine.
GEMMA: - Yeah, speaking of junkies... TARA: - Let's not.
GEMMA: What'd she say?
Required sedation, baby.
Had to be bad.
About Abel?
TARA: She wants to get to know her son.
GEMMA: That's not going to happen.
I set her straight.
TARA: It's not your business.
GEMMA: Yes, it is.
You got enough on your plate right now, sweetheart.
I'm just trying to help.
TARA: Yeah, of course you are.
Look what it's done to you.
GEMMA: Jax doesn't need another problem.
You keep him clear of it.
TARA: Why?
You afraid it'll give us another reason to run from Charming?
GEMMA: I'm afraid it's another thing that will break his heart.
TARA: I can take care of his heart.
GEMMA: Hi, baby, hi.
You connect with Ope?
He came by the house this morning.
JAX: Was Piney with him?
GEMMA: No, why?
JAX: He went to the cabin last night to bring him home.
GEMMA: Oh.
No, he was alone.
JAX: Okay.
See you in a bit. GEMMA: - Mm-hmm.
Find Opie for me.
PHIL: Yes, ma'am-- Gemma.
(Gemma sighs)
JAX: Any word on when you're getting out?
TARA: I have an exit interview with the shrink. If he thinks I'm... s*ab enough, they'll release me this afternoon.
JAX: You wanna tell me what happened?
TARA: Wendy.
JAX: What are you talking about?
TARA: Your ex-wife came by, pushing to get back to Abel.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: Jesus Christ.
TARA: I lost it.
JAX: I didn't know she was here, I'm sorry.
TARA: Those are my boys.
JAX: I know.
I promise, she will not get near Abel.
TARA: Gemma didn't want me to tell you.
She's afraid it'll push us further away.
JAX: I will deal with my ex-wife and my mother, okay?
(door opens and closes)
JAX: Call Rat. Get him down here to watch Tara.
I need you to track down my ex-wife.
PHIL: - Gemma wanted me to find... JAX: - I don't give a shit what Gemma wanted!
Her name is Wendy Case.
I want a 20 on her by the end of the day.
PHIL: Yes, sir.
(Skeeter grunting)
UNSER: You just gonna drag him?
SKEETER: You wanna lift him?
300 pounds of d*ad weight?
Tell Ope I'll burn him after hours.
Crematorium closes at 6:00.
He can come by anytime after that.
UNSER: Yeah, okay.
JAX: Where you going?
JUICE: Weed shop.
You need anything?
JAX: No, I'm good.
Don't carry.
JUICE: I know.
I'll see ya later.
JAX: See ya later.
CLAY: How's Tara?
JAX: Better.
CLAY: When's she getting out?
JAX: Not sure. Let's talk.
JAX: After this deal goes down tomorrow, we put a ticking clock on the blow.
Tell Romeo we'll still run his g*n, but he's gotta find someone else to mule.
We'll blame it on the Irish.
Tell Galindo they're gonna bail if we keep trucking powder.
CLAY: It's too soon to push for that.
JAX: No, it's too late.
We're gonna make more in the next two shipments than we normally make in two years.
I'm taking my piece and I'm out.
You were right.
Ope ain't ready to lead.
When you step down, gavel should go to Bobby.
Chibs is your VP.
If Tig ain't gonna carry it, I think the Sergeant's patch should go to Happy.
BOBBY: You really gonna do this?
JAX: I love this club, Bobby, but I love my family more.
I gotta put some distance between the two.
Look, we gotta close this deal before I tell the rest of the club.
I don't want my exit pulling focus.
CHIBS: Gaalan.
What's going on?
JAX: Just sorting out the day.
BOBBY: Otto reached out.
I'm gonna head up to Stockton.
CHIBS: Good. Let him know we cleaned up Georgie.
Put Luann to rest.
BOBBY: Yeah. I'm sure he'll be glad to know it's done.
CLAY: All right, we'll be there.
Gaalan needs some backup.
I gotta connect with Romeo.
JAX: All right, I got it.
Take Chibs with me, translate the Catholic.
CLAY: Take Tig and Happy with you, just in case.
JACOB: New investors are in place, geologicals have been approved.
We present to City Council tomorrow night.
ROOSEVELT: Congratulations.
I know how important Charming Heights is to you.
JACOB: It could not have happened without your help.
I'd like you to be there.
I'm sure the council will have questions about law enforcement; how they can handle policing a larger community.
POTTER: Sorry.
You look engaged.
ROOSEVELT: I'll be there.
JACOB: Thank you.
Mr. Potter.
POTTER: Mr. Mayor.
Big doings?
ROOSEVELT: City Council meeting is tomorrow night.
Pushes through the construction of Charming Heights.
POTTER: Really?
Hale found his investors.
ROOSEVELT: I guess he did.
So what do you need?
POTTER: Cooperation.
The, uh, RICO sting is happening tomorrow afternoon.
Wahewa Reservation.
I've already secured State Police, but I could use some local backup as well.
ROOSEVELT: Yeah, so Juice came through?
POTTER: Yes.
You seem disappointed.
ROOSEVELT: We'll be there.
POTTER: Good.
I couldn't have done this without your help, you know.
ROOSEVELT: Yeah, well, you know, I'm all about the help.
POTTER: Where might I find the City Clerk's office?
Would like to get the details on Mayor Quimby's housing proposal.
ROOSEVELT: Town Hall.
Commonwealth.
Why?
POTTER: I'm the most curious of fellows.
CLAY: Irish have concerns.
They're afraid that blood and headlines are gonna stain their cause.
ROMEO: I find that big stacks of cash have a very tranquil effect on people.
CLAY: Yeah, well, gonna need a little diplomacy, too.
LUIS: We're very persuasive.
CLAY: Yeah, I noticed.
ROMEO: Where are we with the doctor problem?
CLAY: Irish got wind of that, too.
We gotta be careful here, man.
This can't look like more Mexican retaliation.
You should let me handle this.
ROMEO: You're too close.
Let us know when she's released.
We'll finish it.
Make it look like an accident.
SANTO: No mistakes this time.
CLAY: Yeah.
I'll let you know.
GEMMA: Where the hell is he?
UNSER: Turns out he wasn't d*ad.
Got up and walked away.
GEMMA: I'm not laughing, Wayne.
What happened with Ope?
UNSER: I knew he was coming here.
I followed him.
GEMMA: Why?
UNSER: Wasn't really sure until I got here.
Saw the pain in the boy's face.
GEMMA: What did you tell him?
UNSER: Clay k*lled his old man.
GEMMA: What?
UNSER: I mean, I didn't, I didn't tell him why!
There's enough bad blood for motive.
GEMMA: After Donna, he'll k*ll Clay.
UNSER: My intent, Gemma.
GEMMA: Where's Ope now?
UNSER: I'm not sure.
Skeeter's burning Piney's body after the crematorium closes.
Ope'll be there to say good-bye.
GEMMA: You go to Ope.
You tell him you made a mistake.
Stop him from k*lling Clay.
You understand me?
UNSER: What are you doing, Gemma?
GEMMA: I am protecting what it took me 20 g*dd*mn years to build.
That's what I'm doing.
GRAD: Mr. Ortiz.
JUICE: What the hell is this?
GRAD: We need some bud advice.
Get in.
BOBBY: Here?
Why... why am I here?
Otto was supposed to be here.
Where is he?
Sit down.
JAX: Anything we need to know here?
GAALAN: Our American colleagues have put profit before protocol.
We're just here to enforce decency.
JAX: And we're the enforcement?
GAALAN: Stay close and look tough.
Should be all we need.
Understand?
Wait here.
CHIBS: What the hell is this place?
JAX: Gonna look around. Hey, what are you doing here?
JAX: I'm with Gaalan. Are you okay?
Get downstairs now.
JAX: I'm not talking to you.
(babies fussing)
(whimpering)
(tinkly piano notes playing)
(door opens and shuts)
TIG: That ain't good.
(babies crying)
CHIBS: Jesus Christ.
What the hell is this, Jackie?
JAX: It's another g*dd*mn baby factory.
TIG: What?
Hey, who the hell are you?
JAX: No.
No g*n, bro.
Too many kids.
(Chibs yells)
(grunting and groaning)
(babies crying)
GAALAN: Mother of Christ.
JAX: Yeah, well, you didn't tell us we'd be strong-arming the U.S. half of your black market baby ring.
GAALAN: Catholic placement for unwanted children.
JAX: Call it whatever the hell you want.
You're selling babies for cash.
CLAY: Easy.
This ain't our business.
TIG: Jax, it's Phil.
Says it's important.
JAX: Yeah.
CLAY: Sorry this went down.
He almost lost his son to your Belfast house.
Long story.
Kellan, keeping some twisted promise to JT.
GAALAN: I didn't know.
CLAY: You can understand why this pushes his buttons.
GAALAN: Aye, but that boy's got too many buttons, Clay.
Fistfights, RPGs.
He's hotheaded and unstable.
Throw him into the mix with Mexicans, I have no faith it doesn't turn bloody.
CLAY: I hear that.
I'll keep him off this cartel thing.
You'll only have to deal with me.
I promise.
Anything I can do for you here?
GAALAN: American Irish, greedy bastards.
Offering children to the highest bidder.
Some of them to Protestant families.
Brawl scared the piss out of them.
We're on the same page now.
CLAY: You see what I did here?
I made it all work, huh?
GAALAN: Don't push it, Clay.
See you at the meet tomorrow.
JAX: They should have told us.
CLAY: You're right.
Just stay clear of these guys.
JAX: Not a problem.
CLAY: You going to see Tara?
JAX: Later.
I got to bounce someone's head off 12 steps.
POTTER: Lenny gets full visitation, two more yard days a week.
Warden signed off.
OTTO: Yeah.
POTTER: Need your signature, verifying everything you told us about your illegal activities with the Sons of Anarchy is, uh, accurate and true.
(sighs)
POTTER: Thank you, Otto.
OTTO: When do I talk to Bobby?
POTTER: He's waiting patiently.
Let me, uh, process these, and you'll get your face-to-face.
Hopefully, this will give you a little closure as well.
OTTO: Yeah.
I'm completely at peace.
WENDY: You have my phone number.
If you need me, call me anytime.
Okay? You're doing great.
I will. Thank you so much.
Hey.
What are you doing here?
JAX: Shouldn't I be asking you that?
WENDY: I don't want any trouble, Jax.
I went to see Tara first out of respect for everything that she's done for Abel.
JAX: You have no idea what she has done for Abel.
What we've been through.
WENDY: No.
I don't.
JAX: You have no right to come back now, Wendy.
Abel doesn't even know who you are.
Telling him, it just confuses shit.
WENDY: It's not my fault that you didn't tell him the truth, Jax.
JAX: What was I supposed to tell him?
That his mom was a meth addict that bailed on him?
WENDY: Well, yeah.
It's the truth.
He should know it.
Secrets ruin kids, Jax.
JAX: Stay away.
Okay?
From Tara.
From my kid.
WENDY: Or what?
What... what, are you going to break my arm, punch my face in?
JAX: I had nothing to do with that.
WENDY: Oh, really?
Nothing?
You are a felon on release.
And as frightening as this notion may be, I'm probably the most s*ab adult in Abel's life.
Block me out, and I will pursue custody.
JAX: And you really think they're going to hand him over to a junkie?
WENDY: Ex-junkie, who turned her life around.
Judges love a good comeback story.
I ain't going anywhere.
JAX: It's okay.
I am.
CLAY: Hey.
Go grab a snack.
You look famished.
I'll stay with Tara.
PHIL: Cool, man.
You need anything?
CLAY: I'm good.
(cell phone ringing)
GEMMA: Where you going?
PHIL: Grab a soda.
Clay's with Tara.
GEMMA: He's alone with her?
PHIL: Yeah.
(monitor beeping)
(Tara gasps)
TARA: Where's Jax?
CLAY: He's finishing up some things.
Wanted me to come by.
Check up on you.
TARA (sighs): Thanks.
CLAY: Sure.
We gotta get you better.
Ready to go.
You and Jax got yourself a plan.
Put all this v*olence behind.
It's a smart move.
I'd hate to see something get in the way of that.
TARA: Really?
CLAY: You know, I could make sure this plan happens.
Push some doors wide open.
See that nobody gets in your way.
TARA: Even Gemma?
CLAY: I'll stop her.
She won't run at you.
TARA: Yeah, I saw how you slowed her down.
CLAY: There's only one thing that could get in the way of that escape dream.
Those letters.
TARA: How do you know about them?
Gemma?
CLAY: She thought you were going to show them to Jax.
Create a shit-storm.
But you're a smart girl, Tara.
You know what happens if Jax reads those letters.
It's the reason why he doesn't have them already.
Complicates your departure.
You need to give me the letters, Tara.
TARA: If you're so sure I'm not going to give them to Jax, why do you need them?
CLAY: Peace of mind.
I want to be able to sleep at night.
You can understand that.
You give me the letters, I destroy them...
You and Jax leave with the boys.
Everybody's happy.
And safe.
TARA: And if I don't give them to you?
CLAY: I'm not sure you and Jax ever make it out of Charming.
CLAY: She's fine.
GEMMA: Clay.
Opie found Piney.
He's certain you're the one who k*lled him.
CLAY: How?
GEMMA: Doesn't matter.
Cold-bloodedness of how Piney went.
History of you k*lling Donna.
I'd watch your back.
Opie'll want a settled score.
I love you, Clay.
GEMMA: Here.
I got it.
TARA: Thanks.
GEMMA: Doc said you could go?
TARA: Yep.
GEMMA: That's good.
What did Clay want?
TARA: He wants the letters.
You didn't tell me he knew.
Is... is that why this happened?
GEMMA: Found that cover note.
I panicked.
Had to tell someone.
JAX: Hey.
They release you?
TARA: Yeah.
GEMMA: I'll let you get dressed.
JAX: You need to hear this.
I talked to Wendy.
Did you really think I wasn't going to find out?
GEMMA: The last thing you need to worry about is what that ex-junkie wants.
JAX: I don't give a shit what anybody wants.
Including you.
We're going.
Tara has an offer from a hospital in Oregon.
Day after tomorrow, we're packing up our boys.
And we're getting out of Charming.
(phone rings)
I'll take you home. Okay?
You can split.
TARA: Sorry.
GEMMA: You have no idea... what I've done... to protect you and Jax.
TARA: Protect us from what?
I just wanted him to know the truth.
GEMMA: Is that what you want, sweetheart?
Truth?
'Cause I got buckets of it.
I can drown you in truth.
Hey.
Sorry.
Jax had to split.
Told me to take Tara home.
TARA & GEMMA: Where did he go?
PHIL: Didn't say.
(Gemma sighs)
TIG: Oh, shit.
Yeah, that's great.
Work it out, baby.
Right there, right in the middle.
CLAY: Where is everybody?
TIG: Chibs and Hap went home.
Haven't seen Bobby or Juice.
I think Jax finally tracked down Ope... and Miles and Kozik are d*ad.
CLAY: Thanks for the update.
You hanging out?
TIG: Till I'm done with the massage. Why?
CLAY: Ah... I got a vibe from my meet with the Mexicans.
Felt wrong.
TIG: Wrong how?
CLAY: Wrong like, uh... I may need another guy with a g*n.
TIG: Rat's in the garage.
I'm sure Jax'll be back soon.
CLAY: Yeah.
He will.
BOBBY: Hey.
What's going on, Otto?
OTTO: Read it.
Out loud.
BOBBY: "March 1997.
Broke Giordano's collarbone, two ribs.
Month in the hole.
Five months added.
August 1999.
Shivved Winter Holder for being a rat.
Two years added."
What... OTTO: - Keep reading.
BOBBY: "December 2001, tried to broker a deal with GN.
Went south, left eye slashed..."
Why am I reading this, Otto?
OTTO: It's my list, brother.
It's all the things I've done for the club inside.
Including the thing that got me life.
The thing that got me death.
And... I only asked for one thing from Sam Crow...
Take care of Luann.
BOBBY: I know, and we did, Otto.
I promise.
OTTO: No.
You didn't.
And now you're gonna feel that.
BOBBY: What are you talking about?
BOBBY: Otto, what did you do?
OFFICER: Come on, let's go.
BOBBY: - Otto... OFFICER: - No, no.
Come on, let's go.
BOBBY: Otto... What did you do?!
You... You ratted?!
You ratted?!
You ratted, you stupid little rat!
You're gonna burn!
You... son of a bitch!
You...
God! Son of a bitch! You'll burn!
Time for you to start a list, Bobby.
OPIE: Thanks for handling this.
UNSER: Sure.
No problem.
I need to talk to you about something.
OPIE: Not really in the mood to talk right now.
(door opens)
JAX: Oh, my God.
What happened?
OPIE: I found him at the cabin.
g*n to the chest.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
OPIE: Yeah.
JAX: You think it was the Mexicans?
OPIE: I'll fill you in.
I just wanted to say good-bye.
I know that he'd want you here.
JAX: Yeah, okay.
JAX: You want to tell me what happened to Piney?
OPIE: You should know.
You're Clay's boy.
JAX: What are you talking about?
OPIE: Clay k*lled my old man!
JAX: No.
No, Ope.
OPIE: Yes!
He k*lled my wife, now my father.
Did you know?
Did you know?!
JAX: No, Op!
Of course not!
Bro, if Clay did this, it is a club issue.
Let's take it to the table, let everyone know.
OPIE: What table?
You're out.
Remember?
(air hissing)
JAX: Shit.
Keys!
(ignition sputtering)
UNSER: Starter's kind of sh*t.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
UNSER: - Whoa. SKEETER: - Was that a g*n?
JAX: - Hey! Is that yours? SKEETER: - Yeah.
JAX: - I need it. SKEETER: - For what?
JAX: Now!
UNSER: Give him the g*dd*mn keys before we both end up in the back of it!
♪ ♪
(tires screeching)
(horns honking)
JAX: Shit!
(ignition sputtering)
Hey! I need your help, bro.
(man grunts)
(door slams)
♪ ♪
(motorcycle approaching)
(motorcycle engine stops)
(panting)
OPIE: Don't.
Sit.
You're gonna die at the gavel.
CLAY: I get to say anything here?
OPIE: My old man get to say anything before you blew a hole in his chest?!
Sit down!
CLAY: Somebody's been lying to you, Op.
OPIE: Having Donna k*lled-- that a lie?!
CLAY: Jesus Christ, that's history, man.
Stahl bending the truth.
That score is settled!
OPIE: No, it's not!
You sit down!
Sit down.
JAX: Op!
Put it down.
Please, Op.
Don't make me k*ll you.
(grunts) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "04x12 - Burnt and Purged Away"} | foreverdreaming |
JAX: Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
GAALAN: Meet needs to be on neutral ground.
CLAY: There's an Indian reservation ten minutes from here. Very private.
POTTER: Juan Carlos just locked down our Irish cartel g*n meet.
CLAY: Where are the letters? Tara's still got 'em?
PINEY: Just leave her out of it, huh?
CLAY: Too late. We have an internal thr*at.
ROMEO: The doctor. That's your VP's old lady. We'll clean it up.
TARA: What?! Oh, my God! What are you doing?!
(screams)
Jax!
(Tara gasping)
JAX: You'll be okay.
OPIE: Oh, my God! Dad?! Oh, my God! Shit! What are you doing here?!
UNSER: Clay k*lled your old man. Clay's got to go, son.
JAX: Want to tell me what happened to Piney?
OPIE: You should know, you're Clay's boy.
Clay k*lled my old man!
Did you know?!
JAX: No, Ope!
OPIE: You're gonna die at the gavel.
JAX: Ope!
Put it down.
Please, Ope... don't make me k*ll you.
(Jax panting)
(Clay grunts)
(Jax panting)
(Clay gasping)
(Opie grunts, gasps)
JAX: Oh, shit.
RAT BOY: What happened?
JAX: Call an ambulance.
UNSER: Oh, Christ!
JAX: Call an ambulance now!
UNSER: g*n. Sheriff's gonna be all over this!
CLAY: Get me outside.
It happened in the garage.
JAX: Yeah. Come on. Come on!
On three. Two, three!
UNSER: What do I tell Roosevelt, huh? Mexicans?
CLAY: No, say it was black.
JAX: Yeah, yeah.
Hey, I'll take care of Opie!
Get rid of those g*n and clean up the blood!
UNSER: I'm getting real good at that.
JAX: He was sh*t by two black guys outside the garage.
You ever want to make patch, that's your story until I tell you otherwise.
RAT BOY: I get it.
(Clay groans)
JAX: Keep it wrapped.
Get out of here.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
You think he's gonna make it?
UNSER: I don't know.
Hey, you should get out of here, too. Go.
JAX: Yeah.
(tires squeal)
(sirens approaching)
(labored breathing)
(horns beeping)
OPIE: I'm gonna k*ll him.
JAX: No, you're gonna let me find out what the hell happened.
OPIE: Talk to your mother.
Gemma and Unser found my old man up at the cabin.
They knew Clay k*lled him.
Tried to pass it off as a cartel h*t.
JAX: How do you know all that?
OPIE: Unser followed me up there last night.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
I'm gonna drop you at the emergency care off of Crane.
Lyla'll pick you up?
Yeah, man.
You've got to lay low, Ope.
I'll tell the guys you're up at the cabin.
I will find the truth, I promise.
(Opie chuckles)
OPIE: Just what I need... another promise.
(rhythmic beeping)
What's his blood pressure? - Uh, 80/60.
How much fluid has he had? - Uh, two liters.
Both lines in? - Both lines in, Doctor.
Okay. Call the O.R.? - Right away, Doctor.
UNSER: I was headed over to get a new starter for my truck.
I roll up to the gate, see a black SUV speeding out.
ROOSEVELT: Mm-hmm.
UNSER: A Yukon, I think.
Looked like two African-American males.
Uh, tinted windows.
Didn't get a real good look.
ROOSEVELT: Mm-hmm.
UNSER: Uh... pulled in the lot, find Clay laying there.
ROOSEVELT: Did he say anything?
About the sh**t.
UNSER: No, he was... barely conscious.
I called EMS.
ROOSEVELT: And there was no one else on the lot?
CHIBS: No. We'd split an hour or so before.
ROOSEVELT: So Clay was by himself?
TIG: Yeah.
UNSER: He was keeping the garage open late for me.
ROOSEVELT: Yeah? And what about security cameras?
HAPPY: They don't record.
ROOSEVELT: Of course they don't.
All right, I want to speak to Clay when he's conscious.
The rest of you, just... stay available.
TIG: Hey.
So they were black Niners?
CHIBS: Had to be.
UNSER: I'm not sure.
I didn't see colors.
Hey, Gemma.
TIG: This is on me.
Nah, nah, nah, Clay wanted me to stay.
He had a feeling something was going down.
CHIBS: We don't know anything yet, Tiggy, okay?
TIG: I do, I do, I do.
A brother asked for help... I turned my back.
CHIBS: Hey.
Hey.
GEMMA: How bad is it?
UNSER: Doc said he's critical.
One of the b*ll*ts h*t a lung.
(door opens)
GEMMA: Where are you taking him?
I'm his wife.
We're prepping him for surgery.
Follow me and I can bring you up to speed.
GEMMA: That's okay.
Just keep him alive.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
POTTER: Lieutenant Roosevelt, thank you for joining us.
The Wahewa land is proving to be a bit of a logistical challenge.
ROOSEVELT: You know Clay Morrow was sh*t last night.
POTTER: Yes, I know.
Black retaliation, yes?
ROOSEVELT: He's in critical condition.
We got two other key members in lockdown.
Do you really think this meet is gonna happen?
POTTER: The Irish are here.
The cartel.
They all have a lot to lose if they let this opportunity pass.
My guess is... Teller takes the reins.
GRAD: Either way we have to play this out.
ROOSEVELT: That means you don't get Clay.
POTTER: It appears someone else is determined to right that wrong.
(shower running)
(shower turns off)
(door slides open)
TARA: Rough night?
JAX: Clay got sh*t.
He's in critical condition at St. Thomas.
TARA: Hm. Who did it?
JAX: I'm not sure.
I'm still getting out, Tara.
Deal with the Irish goes down today.
TARA: And then what?
JAX: Then I put my g*dd*mn family in a car and we drive the hell out of Charming.
TARA: Just like that, Jax?
Change your clothes, wash off the blood... JAX: - Yeah, Tara, just like that.
Look... I know it's not gonna be an easy shift-- I'm not delusional-- but I also know you're not clear right now.
TARA: I'd argue... I'm the clearest I've ever been.
JAX: Trust me, babe... rage feels that way.
Have Phil and Elyda help you pack.
I'll be back tonight.
TARA: Yeah.
Okay.
Jax.
Tell me you love me.
JAX: I love you, Tara.
Do you love me?
TARA: If I could stop I would.
I love you, Jackson.
JAX: You need a bigger bowl?
PHIL: I like cereal.
JAX: Stay close to Tara.
She's going to need your help today.
PHIL: Absolutely, man.
JAX: And if you see Gemma, tell her I'm looking for her.
PHIL: Okay.
JAX: Hey.
How's he doing?
CHIBS: They've gone back into surgery.
Having a problem with his lung.
HAPPY: g*dd*mn cigars.
JAX: Shit.
Any word from Bobby or Juice?
CHIBS: Nothing on Juice.
Hopefully he's off on one of his joyrides.
We have bigger problems.
I talked to Lowen.
Bobby signed in at Stockton and didn't sign out.
JAX: What the hell does that mean?
CHIBS: Maybe Lenny can tell us.
He wants a sit-down with you today.
Lowen said he's pretty jacked up about it.
JAX: Oh, my God.
Okay.
HAPPY: Ope and Tig are MIA, too.
Ope's at the cabin checking on Piney.
Tig's so wound up about this Clay thing he's probably neck deep in cold p*ssy.
All right, I'm going to go to Stockton.
Keep me in the loop.
CHIBS: Hey, you be careful, yeah?
(engine starting)
(door opens)
(sighs)
GEMMA: Where is she?
PHIL: Bedroom.
Jax is looking for you.
It sounded important.
GEMMA: Another vacation?
TARA: Yep. 'Cause the first one went so well.
(sets bag down)
GEMMA: Clay was sh*t last night.
TARA: I know.
GEMMA: By Opie.
TARA: What?
Why would Opie do that?
GEMMA: Because Clay k*lled his father.
Piney's d*ad.
Clay put a g*n to his chest.
TARA: Oh, my God.
GEMMA: He k*lled him because he thinks he had the letters.
TARA: No.
Piney didn't... he never even saw them.
GEMMA: I know.
But Clay will do anything to stop that truth from leaking out.
(Tara sighs)
He's the one that tried to have you k*lled, Tara.
Clay hired those men that came after you.
TARA: How do you know that?
GEMMA: He took money out of our safe to pay 'em off.
I confronted him.
That's why he did this.
Clay... will keep on hurting everything and everyone that gets in his path... until he gets those letters.
TARA: He thr*at me yesterday.
Told me Jax and I would never make it out of Charming unless I gave them to him.
GEMMA: 'Cause he's already read 'em.
The copies.
He knows how dangerous they are.
Where are the letters, Tara?
I'll give them to Clay; we put this to bed.
I'm out of options.
This may be the only way we get out of this alive.
TARA (whispers): And if we do that-- get out of this alive-- then you know Jax and I are leaving.
GEMMA: I know.
(opens drawer)
(closes drawer)
(keys jangling)
TARA: They're in the storage unit.
Towards the back, underneath a stack of boxes.
Old TM receipts.
GEMMA: Okay.
TARA: Gemma.
Tell me you love me.
GEMMA: I love you.
JAX: When did you get visitation?
LENNY (voice strained): That's what I need to talk to you about.
Otto made some kind of deal.
JAX: What are you talking about?
LENNY: I heard it from the guards.
He met with a Fed attorney, gave up something, got me visitation and yard time.
JAX: Shit.
Bobby visited Otto yesterday.
Never signed out.
Juice is MIA, too.
LENNY: Why the hell would Otto flip?
JAX: Had to be something to do with Luann.
LENNY: Uh, talk to Clay, let me know what I should do.
JAX: Yeah, all right.
Hey... thanks, Lenny.
TIG (quietly): Come on, come on, come on.
Come on.
(long sigh)
(engine roaring)
(loud grunt)
LAROY: Oh, shit! Look out!
(people yell)
(Tig yells)
V!
(tires squeal)
(sobbing)
TIG: Just be there, just be there, all right?
(tires screeching)
I'm heading out of Oakland on the 5-80, all right?
(engine revving)
(tires squealing)
(motorcycle engine starting)
(tires squealing)
(tires squealing)
JAX: They got him at the garage, h*t him twice.
ROMEO: Do they know who was responsible?
JAX: Not yet.
Could be all the shit we stirred up in Oakland.
LUIS: Well, we're sorry about what happened to Clay.
But how do we handle today?
JAX: I can run the exchange with the Kings, but we may have a bigger problem. I just heard from one of my guys in Stockton. We got a member inside who may have flipped. Otto Delaney. He's been talking to the U.S. attorney.
LUIS: Does Otto know about us?
JAX: No, but he might have given up another member. It means the Feds could be circling us. Too big of a risk for today.
ROMEO: We've got contacts that can find out about Otto. Don't do anything till you hear from us.
JAX: Yeah, okay. All right.
ROMEO: Call Medina. Have him vet out every agency. Find out what the hell this is about.
(cell phone ringing)
JAX: Yeah.
CHIBS: Tig's in trouble, brother. Needs an escort home. Oaktown.
JAX: Shit!
(engine revving)
♪ ♪
(engine revving)
LAROY: Drive, idiot.
(tires screeching)
(engines revving)
(horn honking)
(tires squealing)
(horn honking)
TIG: Come on, boys.
TIG: Go.
(engines revving)
LAROY: Do not lose 'em!
Go!
(tires squeal, engines revving)
g*dd*mn it!
What the hell's going on?
JAX: Go. Go ahead!
Chibs, stay with Tig, we'll block him off!
Let's go, bro!
(g*n)
(glass breaking, groaning)
LAROY: Damn it!
(engine revving)
JAX: What happened?
TIG: I went after Laroy, man.
JAX: What tel hell is the matter with you?
CHIBS: Hey, we don't even know if it was the Niners.
TIG: Come on, man.
Come on.
The way we backed Alvarez in Oakland, it had to be Laroy that g*n down Clay.
JAX: It is a club call, not yours.
You're gonna start a g*dd*mn w*r, man.
TIG: I don't give a shit.
CHIBS: Yeah, obviously.
CHUCKY: Hey, Jax.
Rat just called.
Clay's out of surgery.
TIG: I'm gonna go see him.
JAX: Hey.
No more rogue shit.
Do you hear me?
TIG: Yeah.
(engine starting)
HAPPY: He's right.
Had to be Laroy.
He's got to die.
Like, a lot.
(phone ringing)
JAX: It's Romeo.
Yeah.
ROMEO: Had my contacts look into Otto Delaney.
Not sure who he was talking to, but he never sold out your club.
JAX: You sure?
My guy got it from inside.
ROMEO: I pay a lot of money for information, Jax.
It's accurate.
Trust me, if I thought it was a risk, I wouldn't be making this call.
I'll see you at 3:00.
JAX: Yeah.
Okay.
We're a go.
Head up to the warehouse with Tacoma.
Pull one of each big g*n.
We'll need 'em for the meet.
Thanks.
Track down Lowen.
Have her start making calls.
I'm starting to get really worried about Juice and Bobby.
CHIBS: Aye. Um, don't worry.
We'll-We'll find them. JAX: - All right.
I'm gonna dig into Clay's scheduling info, get up to speed for the Irish.
(rhythmic beeping)
(breathing loudly)
TIG: Sorry, brother.
I should have stayed.
Had your back.
I mean, just turning in this SA tag-- I don't know, man-- was just kind of lost in this cartel shit.
I love you, Clay.
I do.
I guess I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around you stepping down.
I don't know... I don't know what I'm gonna look like when that happens, you know?
(door opens)
GEMMA: This is not your fault, baby.
Oh, honey.
(Tig cries)
It's okay, sweetheart.
It's okay.
(Tig sobbing)
Oh.
He knows you love him.
It's okay, really.
(Tig sniffles)
TIG: Yeah.
Thanks.
Ah, shit.
Shit. How are you?
GEMMA: I'm fine.
GEMMA: Where's Jax?
TIG: Oh, he's at the clubhouse.
Uh... give me a minute, yeah?
GEMMA: Okay.
Sorry.
JAX: I've been looking for you.
Shut the door.
What happened to Piney?
GEMMA: Clay k*lled him.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: Look, I know Clay and Piney were beefing over this cartel shit... GEMMA: - It wasn't over the cartel.
It was over these.
Maureen Ashby put them in your bag before you left Belfast.
They're letters from your father.
Tara found them before you did.
JAX: Tara had these?
Why didn't she tell me?
GEMMA: She knew they would break your heart.
Same way they did mine.
When Thomas got sick, your dad stopped going to Belfast... started writing to Maureen.
JAX: What does this have to do with Clay?
GEMMA: JT and Kellan decided to get the MC out of g*n, away from the IRA.
Clay thought it was a mistake.
He was afraid John would destroy the club.
So he decided to k*ll him.
The first time... he sent John into a Mayan ambush, unprotected.
Your dad made it out.
But he knew it was Clay who'd set it up.
And he knew Clay would try again.
He predicted it would be mechanical.
He was right.
JAX: The accident.
GEMMA: The only person JT ever let work on his bike was Lowell Sr.
Clay must have... paid him off or thr*at him.
He had to be the one who sabotaged the Panhead.
JAX: Lowell Sr. was k*lled by the Mayans a week later.
GEMMA: Yeah.
Clay buried the secret.
(sighs)
JAX: How do you know all this?
GEMMA: The letters.
The speculation.
The Mayan ambush.
John knew Clay would k*ll him.
And Clay knew those letters would prove it.
Enough to get him voted out, undo everything he'd worked for.
JAX: Piney got ahold of these.
GEMMA: He must have thr*at Clay.
JAX (quietly): Oh, my God.
GEMMA: That's not all.
I found the cover letter Maureen wrote telling you to read them.
It was in your house.
I knew Tara was the one who'd found them.
I... I panicked.
I told Clay.
JAX: Clay knew... that Tara had these?
GEMMA: He tried to k*ll Tara.
That thing that happened in the park, that wasn't the cartel.
That was guys Clay hired to k*ll your wife, Jax.
JAX: How did you get them?
GEMMA: Tara gave them to me.
Don't be upset with her.
She didn't want you to read them.
She didn't know what you might do.
JAX: Why are you telling me this, Mom?
Why now?
GEMMA: Because I know how dangerous secrets can be.
And it's time we all knew the truth.
Clay Morrow k*lled your father.
Stole that seat away from this family.
g*n down your father's best friend.
And he tried to k*ll your wife.
He's a m*rder traitor.
And there's only one thing to do now, Jackson.
For your father, your family and your club.
It's in you.
It's who you are.
Clay has to die.
Read 'em.
See him in your father's own hand.
And then you k*ll him, Jax.
You k*ll Clay before he's on his feet and strikes first.
And when it's done... you take your place at the head of this table... where a Teller belongs.
Where you belong.
(footsteps departing)
UNSER: Clay came through the surgery.
Lung's okay.
Should be out of intensive care in a few days.
GEMMA: Good.
UNSER: So... what happens now?
GEMMA: Things are in motion.
UNSER: Yeah.
I have no doubt.
But maybe you want to tell me what the hell that means?
(car door opens)
GEMMA: Tara gave me the letters.
Jax is reading them.
UNSER: Oh, Christ!
GEMMA: Not all of them.
We're protected.
Clay... not so much.
TARA: Got a minute?
UNSER: Uh, yeah, I'll... go give Chucky a hand.
Doc.
(Tara clears throat)
TARA: I been waiting for you.
GEMMA: Yeah, I know.
TARA: Where are the letters?
Did you bring them to Clay?
GEMMA: No.
TARA: How many did you take out before you gave them to Jax?
GEMMA: If you knew... why'd you tell me where they were?
TARA: Because I'm smarter than you are, Gemma... and I know Jax better than you do.
JAX: You should have told me.
TARA: I was going to.
When you got out, you were so eager to leave, I just...
I was afraid it would push you back in. I'm sorry.
JAX: I have to k*ll him, Tara.
TARA: I know.
And this is how you do it.
It's a blood thinner.
Inject it into his IV line and pull the tube from his chest.
He'll bleed into his lungs and... drown.
It'll happen quick.
You know, just... look like he pulled it out in his sleep.
(Chibs whistles)
CHIBS: Jackie!
Time for the meet!
We got to go, brother.
(closes zipper)
TARA: You k*ll him... and then you come and get me and our boys and drive us out of this poisonous town.
JAX: I will.
I promise.
GEMMA: What are you doing?
TARA: Everything you taught me.
He's mine.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪ | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "04x13 - To Be Act 1"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
GEORGIE: Wait, I got money!
I got Asian backing.
Billionaire sex freaks.
CLAY: They looking for any other investments?
GEORGIE: All the time.
OSWALD: Hale's investors came together.
Charming Heights is a go.
ROOSEVELT: City Council hearing is tomorrow night.
Pushes through the construction of Charming Heights.
POTTER: Hale found his investors.
OPIE: Oh, God.
Dad?
Oh, my God.
What are you doing here?!
UNSER: Clay k*lled your old man.
JAX: You want to tell me what happened to Piney?
OPIE: Clay k*lled my old man.
Did you know?!
JAX: No, Ope!
OPIE: You're going to die.
JAX: Ope!
Don't make me k*ll you.
(grunting and groaning)
JAX: Oh, shit.
UNSER: Christ!
JAX: Call an ambulance!
We're prepping him for surgery.
GEMMA: Just keep him alive.
Clay will keep on hurting everyone that gets in his path.
Where are the letters, Tara?
I'll give them to Clay.
We put this to bed.
This may be the only way we get out of this alive.
TARA: They're in the storage unit.
JAX: I know Clay and Piney were beefing over this cartel shit.
GEMMA: Wasn't over the cartel-- it was over these.
They're letters from your father.
Clay Morrow k*lled your father.
He tried to k*ll your wife.
He's a m*rder traitor.
You take your place at the head of this table where you belong.
You k*ll Clay.
TARA: And this is how you do it.
It's a blood thinner.
He'll bleed into his lungs and drown.
You k*ll him, and then you come and get me and our boys and drive us out of this poisonous town.
GEMMA: What are you doing?
TARA: Everything you taught me.
He's mine.
GAALAN: Well, you know how the cartel does business.
They're heathens.
CLAY: Don't like what you hear, take your big g*n and go home.
GAALAN: And you'll be at that sit-down?
CLAY: Absolutely.
I'm your guy, Gaalan.
POTTER: Juan Carlos just locked down our Irish-cartel g*n meet.
JAX: We got a member inside who may have flipped.
Otto Delaney.
LUIS: Does Otto know about us?
JAX: No, but it means the Feds could be circling us.
ROMEO: I'm not sure who he was talking to, but he never sold out your club.
JAX: You sure?
ROMEO: Trust me. I'll see you at 3:00.
JAX: Yeah, we're a go.
(garbled radio transmission)
POTTER: In the last 16 months, this case has taken
98,000 man-hours in four different countries.
Recently, it claimed the life of our colleague, FBI Agent Ronald Worski.
Now, our sacrifices and hard work allow us this moment-- an opportunity to bring three violent and criminal organizations to justice.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are clear to execute all warrants.
(hollering)
And whatever or whomever you believe in... may it grant you safety and speed.
(motorcycle engines humming)
MEDINA: We're out.
He covered it.
LUIS: That's good.
ROMEO: I talked to Teller.
MC's on board.
Irish will be there.
LUIS: Transport's all set.
MEDINA: All right. Let's go. We don't want to be late.
(engine starts)
What's up?
HAPPY: Got one of each big g*n in the back of the van.
JAX: Okay, good.
Take a walk, all right?
Make sure none of the Wahewa are around.
HAPPY: Got it.
POTTER: Tell Casey to pull back.
Make sure they don't spot him.
ROOSEVELT: Where's the rest of them?
POTTER: Jax is early. They'll show.
GRAD: Oh, my God.
GRAD: Shit!
ROOSEVELT: What the hell are they doing here?
Alphonse Medina, Operative supervisor, Central Intelligence Agency.
Are you Lincoln Potter? AUSA?
POTTER: Let me guess.
You recruited Señor Parada and Torres from Grupo Aeromovil.
MEDINA: Can we talk in private?
POTTER: No.
If the three amigos have something to say, say it to my team.
ROMEO: Yes, we've been working with the CIA.
LUIS: NCS. Inside Sonora.
ROOSEVELT: So what does this mean for RICO?
POTTER: It means our government is backing one cartel to overthrow the others.
'Cause if you control the drugs... you control the politics.
MEDINA: It's how we s*ab an important ally.
POTTER: Oh, yes, that, too.
MEDINA: We're shutting down your RICO operation.
ROOSEVELT: Jesus Christ.
ROMEO: This deal with the Sons of the Irish has to go through.
MEDINA: It's all right there.
Justice Department has signed off.
You better brief your team.
They're gonna need to turn over all their files and contacts.
(indistinct radio transmission)
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ a perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
CHIBS: Jackie.
JAX: Gaalan, good to see you.
GAALAN: Where's Clay?
JAX: Something went down last night.
Clay got sh*t.
GAALAN: What happened?
JAX: We're not sure yet.
They h*t him at the garage.
Had nothing to do with this.
CHIBS: There's been a problem brewing in Oakland; white thing.
GAALAN: Is he gonna live?
JAX: Yeah. Yeah, he pulled through the worst of it.
This is Romeo Parada.
ROMEO: Mr. O'Shay.
Pleasure to meet you.
My associate, Luis Torres.
LUIS: Heard a lot about you, sir.
GAALAN: When will Clay be back on his feet?
JAX: It's hard to say right now.
We're up to speed on schedules and routes.
I'll be able to talk you through everything.
GAALAN: No, you won't.
I made it very clear to Clay, the only way this deal happens is if he's running it.
JAX: Gaalan, we run things as a club.
We can make this work without Clay.
GAALAN (chuckles): It's not just about making it work.
It's about trust.
I have little in you, and less in them.
When Clay is back at the table, we can discuss the deal.
Until then, there is none.
JAX: Gaalan!
CHIBS: Jackie, leave it.
You'll make it worse.
These stubborn bastards won't hear you.
ROMEO: We have to talk.
JAX: Yeah.
POTTER: Goes down as quickly as it goes up.
ROOSEVELT: So that's it, huh?
They just let the MC's continue to run drugs and sell w*apon to the g*dd*mn cartel.
POTTER: For the greater good.
ROOSEVELT: What about the smaller good?
They are doing this shit in my county.
What is this for?
POTTER: I thought you might want to be the one to release him.
I had the DEA raid his weed shop, tell the workers that they picked up the owners.
Gives him a cover story for the last 24 hours.
I've stricken Juice's colored past from the record.
He's... he's free and clear.
ROOSEVELT: Why would you do that?
POTTER: Because.
The bad guys won today, Sheriff.
And they may not know it yet, but Juice and the MC are on the losing end, just like us.
I have tremendous respect for you, Eli.
ROOSEVELT: You're a really odd dude, man.
You know that's really hard to get past, right?
POTTER: I do.
But it serves a purpose.
I don't really like people all that much.
(chuckles softly)
Be well, sir.
ROOSEVELT: Yeah.
You, too.
(car door opens)
(door closes)
(engine starts)
JAX: Look, I'm sorry.
We really had thought we could pull this off.
The truth is we're in over our heads.
I know Clay thought we could make this work, but we can't.
We're not drug mulers, big arms dealers.
We're small-time, man.
We can't do this anymore.
ROMEO: I'm afraid we're at cross purposes, Mr. Teller.
JAX: Oh, shit.
LUIS: Otto Delaney did sell you out.
U.S. Attorney was gonna crush this meet with RICO.
We stopped them because we need this relationship to continue.
ROMEO: CIA is subsidizing Galindo.
We need the money from the coke and the Irish g*n to do that.
JAX: You just heard O'Shay.
He won't deal with me.
ROMEO: Then you better make sure Clay gets well... soon.
Because if you don't, we give RICO the green light.
JAX: Do the Feds have Bobby and Juice?
LUIS: Just Munson.
That's who Delaney gave up to establish history.
U.S. Attorney has more than enough to indict.
ROMEO: When things are running smoothly with the Irish, I'll do my best to get Munson clear of all the charges.
JAX: Look, whoever replaces Clay might not want this.
SAMCRO could vote the cartel down.
ROMEO: It's not gonna happen because you will be taking the reins.
LUIS: And all this stays between us.
If anyone else finds out, the club, your family, we'll crush your MC.
JAX: Did you know that Clay wanted my old lady d*ad?
Were you the ones he hired?
ROMEO: He thought she knew too much about our business.
We wouldn't have hurt her.
JAX: You did hurt her.
LUIS: We were going to debrief her, keep her in protective custody.
ROMEO: I'm sorry for what happened.
But we've gotta ask, is she a thr*at?
JAX: No.
ROMEO: Then why did Clay want her d*ad?
JAX: It's a family problem.
ROMEO: What you're thinking, what you're feeling... bury it, son.
Because if Clay goes away, so do you and all your brothers.
LUIS: We'll be in touch.
(birds chirping)
JAX: I'm sorry.
(door opens)
(television plays indistinctly)
(door clangs shut)
(broadcast stops)
JUICE: Shit.
How many guys did they arrest?
ROOSEVELT: None.
It didn't happen.
RICO's gone away for now.
They'll be cutting you loose.
JUICE: What the hell does that mean?
ROOSEVELT: Means the U.S. Attorney doesn't have any leverage on you.
The intel on your daddy's been purged.
That is the only proof.
Thought I'd give you the satisfaction of tearing it up.
JUICE: Why you doing this?
ROOSEVELT: You're a criminal, you do bad shit.
I'm a cop, I stop you.
I just wanna get back to that.
JUICE: Yeah, okay.
JACOB: My office has sent over the outstanding paperwork and the permits required by the city for your review.
WESTMORELAND: Thank you, Mr. Mayor.
We will now proceed with C50710.
This is the ordinance to allow the property associated with the
99 on-ramp to... POTTER: - Sorry, Your Excellence.
Lincoln Potter, Assistant U.S. Attorney, San Joaquin County.
WESTMORELAND: What is this about, Mr. Potter?
We're in the middle of a council meeting.
POTTER: Moral bankruptcy, sir.
Jacob Hale has scraped the bottom of the barrel to fund Charming Heights, and he's dumping the sludge in your backyard.
JACOB: Jesus Christ! What the hell is this?
POTTER: The Tokyo Fund, as it's called in the Mayor's proposal, is actually a single investor, the Natsuki Family, the largest manufacturer of sex dolls and hardcore sex paraphernalia in the world.
Including the sumyoung boy line for the discerning pedophile.
JACOB: Oh, come on! Peter, this is bullshit.
He has no right... WESTMORELAND: - Jacob!
Let him finish.
POTTER: As a public servant of this district, I felt the good people of Charming needed to know the truth.
It's all there.
Feel free to review and... explore.
Have a good day.
JACOB: Why are you doing this?
POTTER: Because I don't like you.
And the good guys need a win.
(sportscast plays indistinctly)
(monitor beeping)
TIG: Hey, pal.
What did Romeo want?
JAX: I'll fill everyone in.
Chapel, 8:00.
TIG: Okay.
JAX: How's he doing?
TIG: He's in and out.
JAX: Give me a minute with him.
TIG: Okay.
(turns the TV off)
I'll call the guys, tell them about church.
(monitor beeping)
(Jax sighs)
(beeping continues)
(Clay breathes loudly)
CLAY: Son.
(panting)
(panting continues)
(panting continues)
(monitor beeping)
CLAY: What are you...?
JAX: I read the letters.
I know you k*lled my father.
(Clay groans)
JAX: Piney.
You tried to k*ll Tara.
CLAY: Please.
Son... JAX: - Don't... call me that.
The only reason I am not slicing you open right now is 'cause I need this cartel deal to happen.
And those prick Irishmen won't deal with anyone else.
CLAY: - You gotta let me tell you... JAX: - No.
You're done telling me anything.
Now I tell you.
You're stepping down as president.
You can sit at the table.
You can have a vote.
But that's it.
You keep the Irish happy, and you stay out of my g*dd*mn way.
If you don't, I'll let the club read the letters.
(Clay grunts)
JAX: And I let Opie tell everyone you m*rder his old man.
CLAY: Who gave you the letters?
JAX: Doesn't matter.
CLAY: Gemma?
JAX: You stay away from Tara and my mother.
CLAY: - This is a mistake... JAX: - Do... you... understand?
CLAY: Ah... (Clay groans)
Yeah.
(grunts)
CLAY: You may as well k*ll me.
(Jax laughs)
JAX: You're already d*ad.
(sighs)
GEMMA: You can't leave me, Jackson.
JAX: I'm not going anywhere.
Don't worry.
He won't hurt you again.
(monitor beeping)
RITA: And then he dumped a duffle bag full of sex toys.
ROOSEVELT: And he just dropped them off and left?
RITA: Yeah.
Like a freaky messenger.
(Roosevelt chuckles)
They called a recess on the vote.
(knocking at door)
ROOSEVELT: Yeah.
CANE: Sorry, LT, but this just came in from Oakland.
It was a h*t and run.
ROOSEVELT: Then why is it hitting my desk?
CANE: Victim was Laroy Wayne's girlfriend.
Niners were seen pursuing a guy on a motorcycle, and g*ng Taskforce thinks it might have something to do with the Sons.
ROOSEVELT: Oh, shit.
Is this right?
The victim was Veronica Pope?
CANE: Yeah.
RITA: Who's Veronica Pope?
ROOSEVELT: Damon Pope's daughter.
Very serious player.
Currently the most dangerous gangster in Oaktown.
(motorcycle engine revving)
JAX: How's the wrist?
OPIE: It's fine, considering a b*llet just went through it.
JAX: Yeah.
Thanks for coming by.
OPIE: You find anything out?
JAX: Yeah.
Few things.
You were right.
Clay k*lled your old man.
OPIE: Shit.
You should have let me finish it.
JAX: We can't k*ll him, Ope.
Gaalan won't deal with me.
We need to keep Clay alive to handle this cartel thing.
OPIE: We don't need Galindo.
JAX: If I k*ll this Mexican alliance, the whole club suffers.
OPIE: What are you talking about, man?
JAX: I'm staying.
I'm taking the gavel.
I need you at my left.
Be my VP.
OPIE: And how does that work with Clay still around?
JAX: Clay stepped down.
It's our club now.
OPIE: I... I don't get it.
Why are you staying?
What the hell happened today?
JAX: I need you to trust me.
OPIE: Give me a reason.
JAX: I'll tell you everything.
And the club.
I just got to do it at the right time.
OPIE: In my book, that's lying.
JAX: We got church in an hour.
I want you there.
(door creaks open)
(door closes)
(Thomas cooing)
JAX: The CIA is behind this Irish-cartel hookup.
They've been playing us.
If I k*ll Clay, the Irish walk away, the deal falls apart, and the Feds take us all down.
TARA: Oh, my God.
JAX: I'm not supposed to tell anyone, Tara, but I can't have any more secrets.
TARA: Okay, baby.
You have to stay.
(sighs)
JAX: Walking away from my club is one thing, but letting it die...
I can't.
It's part of me.
I'm so sorry.
I know you have to go.
Take our boys, go to Oregon.
I'll send you all the money you need.
(Jax sobbing)
I love you so much.
♪ ♪
(Thomas coos)
TARA (sobbing): He's mine.
♪ ♪
(monitor beeping)
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
JAX: No, Tig.
You're there, brother.
You good with that?
CHIBS: Absolutely.
JAX: Sit down.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
You all straightened out?
JUICE: Yeah.
I'm good.
JAX: Okay.
(Jax sighs)
CHIBS: Ope coming?
JAX: What time is it?
HAPPY: 8:03.
♪ ♪
(door opens)
TARA: I'm sorry.
JAX: It's okay.
TARA: I'm not going anywhere.
I'm here, baby, I'm here.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪ | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "04x14 - To Be Act 2"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously, on Sons of Anarchy...
CLAY: Where are the letters? Tara's still got 'em?
PINEY: Just leave her out of it, huh?
CLAY: Too late. We have an internal thr*at.
ROMEO: The doctor-- that's your VP's old lady. We'll clean it up.
TARA: Oh, God! What are you doing!
(screams)
Jax!
(tires screech)
(gasping)
OPIE: God! Dad? Oh, my God! Shit! What are you doing here?!
UNSER: Clay k*lled your old man.
JAX: You want to tell me what happened to Piney?
OPIE: You should know. You're Clay's boy. Did you know?!
JAX: No, Ope!
(grunts)
OPIE: You're gonna die... at the gavel.
JAX: Ope! Put it down.
(yells)
UNSER: What do I tell Roosevelt, huh? Mexicans?
CLAY: No. Say it was black.
TIG: Clay wanted me to stay.
He had a feeling something was going down.
A brother asked for help... I turned my back.
CHIBS: Hey.
Who's Veronica Pope?
ROOSEVELT: Damon Pope's daughter.
The most dangerous gangster in the whole town.
CHIBS: Tig's in trouble, brother.
He needs an escort home.
(g*n)
GEMMA: It's time we all knew to k*ll your wife.
You k*ll Clay before he's on his feet and strikes first.
GAALAN: When Clay's back at the table, we can discuss the deal.
The only way this deal happens is if he's running it.
ROMEO: CIA is subsidizing Galindo.
LUIS: U.S. Attorney has more than enough to indict.
ROMEO: When things are running smoothly with the Irish, I'll do my best to get Munson clear of all the charges.
JAX (whispers): I read the letters.
The only reason I am not slicing you open right now is 'cause I need this cartel deal to happen.
Walking away from my club is one thing, but letting it die, I can't-- it's a part of me.
JAX: Something happens at around 92 miles an hour.
Thunder headers drown out all sound.
Engine vibration travels at a heart's rate.
Field of vision funnels into the immediate.
And suddenly, you're not on the road, you're in it, a part of it.
Traffic, scenery, cops-- just cardboard cutouts blown over as you pass.
Sometimes I forget the rush of that.
That's why I love these long runs.
All your problems, all the noise, gone.
Nothing else to worry about except what's right in front of you.
Maybe that's the lesson for me today-- to hold on to these simple moments, appreciate them a little more.
There's not many of them left.
I don't ever want that for you.
Finding things that make you happy shouldn't be so hard.
I know you'll face pain, suffering, hard choices, but you can't let the weight of it choke the joy out of your life.
No matter what, you have to find the things that love you, run to them.
(Gemma moaning loudly)
There's an old saying. That which doesn't k*ll you makes you stronger.
I don't believe that.
I think the things that try to k*ll you make you angry and sad.
Strength comes from the good things... your family, your friends, the satisfaction of hard work.
Those are the things that will keep you whole.
Those are the things to hold on to when you're broken.
CHIBS: Hey, Jackie boy.
You needing anything?
JAX: I'm good, brother.
WOMAN: Hey, boy.
Hey.
WOMAN: Want to party?
JAX: We ready?
TIG: Nah, Happy's still getting his dick sucked.
JAX: In this skank hole?
TIG: Aw, come on, there's nothing wrong with the occasional skank.
(Chibs laughs)
JAX: Tell him to pull out.
I want to head home.
TIG: Hey, what do you think he's writing in those little pads?
CHIBS: It's a children's book.
All right, girls, dicks in, balls out.
Home's a speeding ticket away.
Let's go.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
MAN: SAMCRO.
That's it. Let's go.
♪ ♪
(grunts)
PHIL: Shit!
♪ ♪
(yells)
MAN: sh**t 'em!
(a*t*matic g*n)
♪ ♪
MAN: Torch it!
♪ ♪
PHIL: Guys!
Get me out of here!
JAX: Phil! Cover me!
Let's go! Let's go!
♪ ♪
(grunts)
JAX: Come on! Come on!
(Phil groans)
PHIL: Get me out! Get me out!
JAX: Come on!
♪ ♪
Hap, let 'em go!
Get the haul!
Come on, come on.
♪ ♪
JAX: - You okay? PHIL: - They came out of nowhere.
♪ ♪
FRANKIE: Now what the hell are we gonna do with it?
CHIBS: Cops are gonna be here soon.
JAX: All right, let's leave the blow in the crate and stash it in the woods, get it tomorrow.
Come on. Now. Let's go.
Let's go. Come on.
♪ ♪
PHIL: Sorry.
♪ ♪
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ a perfect line ♪
♪ on the devil's bed ♪
♪ until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ in the eye ♪
JAX: That's enough?
(Abel laughing)
Hey.
(Thomas fussing)
I'm fine.
TARA: Retaliation?
JAX: Niners torched the truck.
Everyone's whole.
TARA: Now what?
JAX: I fix it.
I'm gonna keep Rat here at night.
I want you carrying that g*n.
TARA: Okay.
JAX: We're doing Piney's thing today.
TARA: I know.
JAX: You don't have to come.
TARA: I can't.
I'm training my new replacement.
Starting my new duties.
JAX: I'm sorry.
(chuckles)
Yeah, me, too.
What?
JAX: I don't know how we do this, Tara.
I don't know where it all goes.
TARA: I know.
JAX: But we do it as a family.
I can promise you that.
(Thomas fussing)
I love you.
TARA: I love you.
Hey. Come here.
JAX: All right, then, little monster.
(Abel laughs)
I'll see you later, okay?
What time is Gemma coming?
TARA: She's not.
I'm taking the boys with me.
I got them into the day care center at the hospital.
JAX: I thought we were gonna wait.
TARA: Till there was an opening.
I found out yesterday.
It's the best thing for Abel, and... lets me be close to Thomas.
You know, regular feedings.
JAX: Gemma know?
TARA: Not yet.
JAX: Whatever you think's best.
See you later.
(Tara laughs quietly)
(beeping)
(beeping stops)
(groans)
(exhales quietly)
MAN (laughs): Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy, now, love.
Was I that bad?
GEMMA: Who the hell are you?
MAN: Wow.
Really?
You came home with me last night-- this is my place.
Look, I'm not gonna hurt you... GEMMA: - Back off!
MAN: Yes, ma'am.
(knocking, door opens)
WOMAN: Okay, nice.
Let me guess-- JDate?
MAN: Something like that.
WOMAN: Well, listen, I really hate to step on your little post-coital ritual, but... Jeannie and Liz, they have morning dates.
Let's go, party pets.
Duty calls.
WOMAN 2: Let me use the bathroom first.
WOMAN: Okay.
You got this?
MAN: Yeah.
Employees.
GEMMA: You a pimp?
MAN: I'm a companionater.
I bring folks together.
I'm all about the love.
GEMMA: I sucked your dick, too, didn't I?
MAN: Oh, yeah.
Look, nothing bad went down.
I mean, this is all consensual.
I'm pretty sure we had fun.
(laughs)
GEMMA (chuckles): Man... Oh, Jesus.
I did a spic pimp.
MAN: Yeah, and I did a drunken cr*cker MILF.
GEMMA: Hmm.
MAN: Now, put the g*n down.
GEMMA: Yeah, okay.
MAN: Thank you.
You can use my shower.
I have clean towels in there.
I'm gonna head downstairs and have some coffee, a little Advil.
You can join me.
I'll get you a ride home.
Or not.
Well, if not, uh... address is on the card there.
You can call a cab yourself, head out the side exit.
It was nice... meeting you, Rose.
GEMMA: Rose?
MAN: That's what you said your name was.
(exhales)
(knocking, door opens)
CLAY: Right.
TIG: Who is it?
CHIBS: Gaalan.
Heard about the Niners att*ck.
TIG: Mm.
How's he doing?
JUICE: Moving slowly, but... seems okay.
Misses her.
CLAY: No, I get it.
All right, thanks.
CHIBS (sighs): How'd that go?
CLAY: Not good.
TIG: Did you, uh, tell him the att*ck on the truck was because of me, had nothing to do with the g*n?
CLAY: Doesn't matter.
The Irish are hanging on to this cartel deal by a thin, red hair.
One more snafu, they bail.
CHIBS: All right, we got church this afternoon.
We take it to Jax.
CLAY: Yeah.
TIG: Hey, you need a lift to Piney's memorial?
CLAY: I think I'll, uh... sit this one out.
TIG: He was first nine.
CLAY: Yeah, I'm aware.
JUICE: Hey. (sighs)
(whispers): I don't think he's ready to deal with that kind of shit.
(sighs)
(quiet, mellow music plays)
_
WOMAN: Diosa International.
This is Kelly.
MAN: Coffee?
GEMMA: Black.
Lots of sugar.
Escorts?
MAN: Very legit.
GEMMA: Breakfast date?
MAN: Aroma therapy session.
GEMMA (chuckles): And your neighbors don't mind the smell?
MAN: Oh, we're off the beaten path here.
We keep a low profile, make the right people happy.
My affiliations... keep the bad guys away.
Nero Padilla.
GEMMA: Gemma.
Thanks.
NERO: Nice to meet you... Gemma.
GEMMA: That's what started our little bar chat.
NERO: Scars of a feather.
Triple bypass at 42.
GEMMA: Open-heart surgery.
Bad genetics.
You're surrounded by barely legal p*ssy.
What the hell you doing picking up old broads?
Some kind of granny fetish?
NERO: Nah, I don't sleep with my coworkers.
Mainly because I'm old enough to be their father.
GEMMA: What about the Olsen twins?
NERO: That was all you, baby.
GEMMA: Really?
Wow.
NERO: Oh, it was definitely wow.
Me, I like a little more, uh, patina on my precious metal.
GEMMA (chuckles): Oh, man.
I must've been shit-faced to go for that whole Rico Suave thing.
NERO: You were funny, sexy, no wedding ring.
Seemed like a good idea.
Mm-hmm.
I guess your name wasn't the only thing you forgot, huh?
Sorry.
(phone rings)
GEMMA: Oh, that's me.
My cab.
NERO: Okay.
Well, you take care, Gemma.
GEMMA: Yeah.
You, too... Nero... if that's really your name.
Thanks for not being a dick.
NERO: My life's ambition.
Mmm.
(birds chirping)
JAX: Hey.
I'm glad you decided to do this.
OPIE: It's not for me, it's for my kids.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: This is good for everyone, Ope.
Let's them say good-bye.
OPIE: And let's us bury the lie.
Piney Winston, k*lled by the Mexican cartel.
JAX: The truth will come out, man.
It just can't be now.
Too many people will get hurt.
I'm sorry you see that as a betrayal.
OPIE: The only betrayal that I see is Clay not being the one going in that hole.
JAX (sighs): Yeah.
I know you can't sit at the table with him.
I was wrong to ask you.
I love you, Ope.
And I want you in SAMCRO, but whatever you decide to do, I'm gonna back you.
I hope you know that.
OPIE: What I know is that the gavel turns shit around.
JAX: I'm not gonna turn into Clay.
OPIE: I'm more afraid that I'm gonna turn into you.
(door opens)
GEMMA: Hey.
UNSER: I... thought you were at Piney's memorial.
GEMMA (groans): Oh... shit.
No, man, I forgot.
I didn't realize that today was... UNSER: - Where you been?
You look like hell.
Uh... Clay's here. He... come to pick up the rest of his shit.
RAT BOY: He thought you'd be at the cemetery.
CHUCKY: I'm feeling really uncomfortable.
(light knocking)
CLAY: Sorry, I, uh... I didn't think you'd be here.
Just looking for that ring Rusty gave me.
(Clay panting softly)
Thank you.
GEMMA: Don't take any of the photos.
CLAY: I wasn't gonna.
Can we talk?
Please?
Two minutes?
GEMMA: Two minutes.
CLAY: I know you want me d*ad.
That's why you gave Jax those letters.
Shit I did, it's the, uh... it's the move I deserved.
(sighs)
I'm not a complicated guy, Gem.
I'm... I'm not like JT.
I sink my teeth into a goal, I see it through.
It's the... it's the soldier in me.
All I could see was the endgame.
All that money.
The shit with Tara, me lying to you, just part of the mission.
(sighs)
Look, I'm not gonna... insult you by trying to say I'm sorry-- there's too much damage for that-- but... (sighs)
...your involvement with John's death... the stuff he says about you... in some of those letters... I take that to my grave.
I-I don't expect you to... forgive me.
But at least I'll know I did one right thing.
I love you, Gem.
I always will.
(Gemma sobbing)
(both grunt)
(Clay panting)
GEMMA (whispers): You don't ever put a hand on me again.
JAX: The IRA is nervous about our black problem.
ROMEO: So am I.
Damon Pope is a serious man.
LUIS: Yeah, hard to spin k*lling an innocent girl in a good direction.
JAX: I know.
Niners won't talk.
Laroy is on a rampage.
I need to get to Pope, try to make this right.
ROMEO: He's insulated.
Be hard to get that sit-down.
JAX: Then tap into your CIA contacts.
This only gets settled with a face-to-face.
LUIS: Yeah? Then what?
You think you just say
"I'm sorry" and move on?
ROMEO: Better have something he needs.
JAX: Pope doesn't need anything.
I got to give him something he wants.
Only he knows what that is.
ROMEO: We'll try to set it up.
LUIS: So, uh... the meet still on with Gaalan?
JAX: Yeah, he's in town next week.
The Irish will know that Clay's running point, and you'll start getting your big g*n.
What am I supposed to tell Bobby?
He knows that Otto gave him up to RICO.
ROMEO: You're gonna have to share our confidential agreement with Mr. Munson.
But know this-- your club can't know about RICO or our affiliation.
JAX: My guys think he's inside on the Georgie Caruso h*t.
I'll tell the club that the case fell apart.
ROMEO: Keep Elvis in the building.
You're gonna need to trust him.
JAX: Otto... gave up Bobby on history, but someone current had to be helping the D.A., too.
How would they know that g*n deal was going down?
ROMEO: Keep your coke and, uh, g*n running smoothly.
I'll keep RICO off your back.
JAX: And when are they off my back for good?
ROMEO: When I don't need you anymore.
JAX: I wouldn't dismiss me that easily, Commander Parada.
You had no choice but to play your CIA card.
Gave you leverage, kept us in line.
But it also gave me a big stick.
Now, I'm sure Galindo's crew embraces Uncle Sam's help, but how would the street react to that?
Anyone around here finds out you're doubling up as a Fed, your sway in Cali ain't shit. (vehicle approaching)
And your coke demand dies in a day.
ROMEO: Looks like we need each other.
Bobby Munson, as promised.
(grunts)
BOBBY: Let's get out of here.
I'm very happy to be out.
Kind of scared to ask how.
JAX: It's been a busy couple of weeks, brother.
Come on.
ROOSEVELT: Where's Jax?
I hear he's your new president.
CHIBS: He's not here.
What do you want?
ROOSEVELT: Are you guys aware of the v*olence that's happening in Charming?
Two home invasions in less than a week.
CHIBS: Contrary to popular belief... we can read.
TIG: Why, you think we had something to do with it?
ROOSEVELT: Three weeks ago an unidentified man ran down Veronica Pope in what we can assume was an attempted h*t on Laroy Wayne.
No witnesses came forward yet, but... some folks are saying that they saw the One-Niners chasing after a group of guys on motorcycles.
CHIBS: Really?
ROOSEVELT: First home invasion was Lynette Brice, one of your croweaters.
2:30 this morning, Wade Steiner was att*cked in his own kitchen.
He's a mechanic here at the TM.
Do you, uh, see the pattern here?
If these home invasions are retaliation by Pope or the Niners...
TIG: We ain't heard of any beefs, man.
ROOSEVELT: No?
TIG: No.
ROOSEVELT: Hm.
Then who would att*ck your auto parts truck outside of Modesto last night?
HAPPY: Angry pirates.
ROOSEVELT: I don't give a shit if Pope blows up every g*dd*mn truck of yours, but not in my quadrant.
One innocent gets hurt, and I make Pope look like an altar boy, you understand?
CHIBS: I see what you did there.
I love Catholic jokes.
TIG: You know, remember the two nuns?
CHIBS: Yeah.
TIG: - They walk into a d*ke bar... CHIBS: - Hey! Bobby!
(laughing)
ROOSEVELT: Munson's free.
RICO's d*ad.
I guess you're free and clear, too, huh?
(quietly): Don't worry, I'm not gonna out you.
(sighs): But... this Pope thing spills over into Charming, I expect you to tell me.
Good faith gesture.
(laughing)
JUICE: How's it feel, man?
(train whistle bl*wing in distance)
(clears throat softly)
DAMON: Thanks.
What did I tell your crew three weeks ago?
MAN: Lay low.
DAMON: Yes, mm-hmm.
We don't make decisions in the heat of rage.
MAN: Look, Laroy's still feeling the pain of losing his girl.
DAMON: She wasn't... his girl.
MAN: He told us to h*t that truck.
Said we waited long enough.
DAMON: My daughter was m*rder.
Someone goes after the men suspected of doing it, all eyes look my way.
MAN: Sons k*lled TJ on that highway.
Now, we got to answer back, or we look weak.
You know how that works, man.
DAMON: I just got a call... from the military arm of the Galindo drug cartel... wanting me to sit down with Jax Teller.
Do you know how hard I have worked to distance myself from that element?
Your need for street cred is making my life difficult.
It stops now.
MAN: Why ain't you laying this all on Laroy, okay?
'Cause he's the one making the calls.
All we do is...
Look, I'm s...
AUGUST: Our detectives got the address.
I'll set it all up.
DAMON: Okay.
I'm too close to this, Augie... all right?
No loose ends.
AUGUST: Yes, sir.
(flies buzzing)
MAN: Shit, man, is that Laroy?
AUGUST: Most of him.
Little bitch was screaming so loud, I... I kind of lost my shit.
Congratulations.
You're in charge.
MAN: No... wait, wait, what if I don't want to be in charge?
AUGUST: Rise to it, brother.
With great power comes great responsibility.
MAN: I ain't no Spiderman, n*gga.
JAX: As we all know, our Nomad Charter is disbanding.
TIG: Right.
JAX: We got Frankie Diamonds, Gogo, and Greg the Peg looking to land in Charming. I think we'd be lucky to have 'em.
(door opens)
CLAY: Sorry I'm late.
CLAY: Sit down.
JAX: We're just voting in the Nomads.
CLAY (sighs): Good.
JAX: Frankie, you got anything you want to say?
FRANKIE: Just want to say we're honored to be sitting at this table. We know you've been taking some hits lately, and we're here to help as much as we can.
GOGO: Yeah, it's good to have a home again, man.
GREG: Yeah, someplace we can put our feet up.
(laughter)
TIG: All right, Peggie.
JAX: Any opposing? Good. What do we say?
(all agreeing)
Welcome to SAMCRO, boys.
FRANKIE: Thank you.
JAX: It's great to have Bobby Elvis back at the table.
(all agreeing)
BOBBY: Good to be home.
CLAY: What, did they... drop the charges on Georgie?
BOBBY: Yeah. Apparently it was a su1c1de.
Climbed into the trunk, sh*t himself ten times.
(laughter)
JAX: I've asked Bobby to be my VP.
TIG: What, uh, what about Ope?
JAX: I think Ope's gonna have to step away from the club for awhile.
Too much damage done to his family.
He's having a hard time not putting that pain on SAMCRO.
CHIBS: I second Bobby.
BOBBY: Thank you.
JAX: Any opposing?
What do we say?
(all cheering)
BOBBY: Love you, brother.
CLAY: I just wanted to say how happy I am to have Bobby back at the table and, uh... not as much room on my right with you here, but, uh, glad you made the cut.
PHIL: Thanks.
CLAY: With Opie stepping away, something I need to tell this club.
It's complicated, so I'm hoping you hear me out.
Lobo cartel... did not k*ll Piney, I did.
Everybody knows that there was no love lost between Piney and me.
Most of you were witnesses to him trying to blow my head off in this room.
I went up to the cabin, and I thought we could maybe work out this cartel business.
I thought, maybe, me and him, one on one, cut through the bullshit.
He was a fifth of Patron deep when I arrived.
I could hardly get out an argument when he, uh... he drew on me.
I managed to wrestle the sawed-off out of his hand.
(sighs heavily)
Then he pulled a nine.
I had no choice.
I figured if the, uh, cartel or the Irish heard that there was internal beef, that they would pull the plug on the deal, so I, uh... I put it on the Mexicans.
I planned on telling everybody what went down soon as all the heat was off but, uh... Opie found out the truth before I could do that.
He's the one that sh*t me.
PHIL: What?
TIG: What?
(others murmuring)
CLAY: I lied to Jax.
I told him it was black.
TIG: Why'd you lie, man?
JAX: You were protecting Ope.
We needed an ambulance.
EMS would report the b*llet wound.
CLAY: I don't blame Ope for trying to k*ll me.
I only wish I could explain to him what happened.
Anyway... I k*lled a member, self-defense or not.
You gotta vote on whether I stay or go.
JAX: We need to live with this for awhile.
Let's take a day or two before we vote.
JAX: You give me a minute?
JAX: What are you doing?
CLAY: Still a lot of truth I can't cop to, so... I figured I would, uh, get out the rest of what there is.
JAX: I'm supposed to believe you're just gonna throw yourself at the mercy of the club?
Come on, man.
Mea culpas aren't your style.
What's the play?
CLAY: I'm all out of play.
I'm just trying to do what's best for SAMCRO.
What's your play, son?
I mean, I get why you stopped Opie, but... you found out about JT...
How come you didn't k*ll me?
JAX: I need you alive to keep the Irish happy.
CLAY: Ah, you never wanted this cartel deal.
Why would you give a shit if the Irish are happy?
JAX: Just trying to do what's best for SAMCRO.
CLAY: Ah.
GEMMA: I just went by the house to see my grandkids.
Who the hell decided to put them in day care?
JAX: Me and their mother.
(Gemma sighs forcefully)
GEMMA: We don't let other people raise our children.
It's selfish and lazy.
JAX: I don't have time for this, Mom.
You want to see the kids, work it out with Tara.
GEMMA: I still don't understand, Jackson.
JAX: You don't have to.
His time will come.
(phone ringing)
NERO: Hey.
GEMMA: Yeah.
NERO: Just making sure you got home okay.
GEMMA: Oh.
Well, yeah... yeah, I did.
I'm fine.
NERO: Good.
So now you have my number.
In case you ever need anything.
GEMMA: Okay.
Thanks.
AUGUST: w*apon... on the hood of the car.
MAN: It's cool.
AUGUST: Mr. Pope has given the problem some more thought, and he realizes nothing the Sons offer is gonna be good enough.
But you... get to give 'em your message.
MAN: What am I supposed to do with this?
AUGUST: k*ll Teller.
JAX: I thought this meeting was with Pope?
AUGUST: Mr. Pope would like this discussion to happen first.
I'm his associate, August Marks.
w*apon.
AUGUST: Gotta settle things with the Niners.
JAX: Where the hell's Laroy?
AUGUST: Darnell's in charge now.
Work it out.
JAX: Hey.
Look, man, we got a lot of history with your crew.
We've beefed before, both made mistakes, but we get through it.
Just tell me what you need.
MAN: Drop him, Darnell!
CHIBS: Go, Jackie, boy!
We'll get back at these bastards!
k*ll, Jackie!
MAN: Come on, D, get up, man!
AUGUST: That's enough.
That's enough!
BOBBY: Jax!
CHIBS: JJ! Jackie boy!
JAX: I thought you pulled w*apon?
AUGUST: I did.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
AUGUST: He didn't really want to be in charge anyway.
You, what's your name?
TYLER Ty... T-Tyler.
AUGUST: Well, T-T Tyler, you need to go back to your crew and tell 'em the beef with the Sons is done.
If it continues, so will the turnover in leadership.
There ain't nothing to think over. Go!
TYLER: Yeah, all right.
AUGUST: Well, go!
TYLER: All right.
CHIBS: What the hell is this?
AUGUST: Mr. Pope will reach out to you soon.
Dump him!
JAX: This is Pope letting us know... he's the one who decides who lives and dies.
JUICE: I think that's the last of it.
Showerhead's leaking.
I'll have Chucky come by tomorrow and change the washers.
CLAY: Thanks.
(motorcycle approaches)
JUICE: I know how hard it was to admit that today.
I'm glad you came clean.
No one's gonna vote you out.
CLAY: It's out of my shaky little hands.
(door opens)
TIG: Hey.
CLAY: I'm good. Thanks.
(door opens, closes)
(motorcycle departs)
TIG: I, uh... m*rder... an innocent girl.
CLAY: The lie was to protect Ope and the club, not me.
TIG: I was with you... in the hospital... every day... for three weeks.
You should've told me the truth, Clay.
CLAY: I didn't know how.
Sorry.
(phone ringing)
TIG: Yeah?
Shit.
Where?
No, I'll come and get her.
No. Yeah.
Yeah, all right. Yeah, thanks.
CLAY: What's that?
TIG: Oakland detective stopped Dawn for DUI.
His, uh, brother-in-law's a Grim Bastard.
But if I pick her up myself, they won't charge her.
CLAY: We good?
TIG: I don't know.
(knocking)
ROOSEVELT: Uh-huh?
CANE: LT, these two girls came in, said they witnessed guys on motorcycles sh**ting a black man in an SUV.
Picked out Teller and Chibs.
ROOSEVELT: Oakland PD just called.
Another two witnesses came in, identified Tig Trager as the guy that ran down Veronica Pope.
GOODMAN: Detective Goodman, Oakland PD.
You Trager?
TIG: Yeah. Where's Dawn?
GOODMAN: Hands on your head.
TIG: Shit, man, you gotta be kidding me.
GOODMAN: Do it!
(Tig grunts)
(handcuffs rasp)
Walk.
TIG: No, man.
I'm not going anywhere until... GOODMAN: - Shut up!
Move.
TIG: Oh, g*dd*mn it.
DAMON: Do you know who I am, Mr. Trager?
TIG: Yeah.
DAMON: And do you know what happens now?
TIG: You k*ll me.
DAMON: That'd be too easy.
TIG: Oh, no. Oh, no.
Dawny?
Dawny, hey, Dawn.
Baby?
Oh, baby... Wake up! Oh, man... Oh, shit! No, baby... No! No!
Hey, baby!
Oh, baby, oh... Stop! Oh, baby!
DAWN: Daddy?
TIG: I'm so sorry, baby.
Oh, oh, baby...
(Dawn gasps, Tig yells)
TIG: Let me go! No!
DAWN: What's happening?
TIG: g*dd*mn it!
Let me go! Let me go!
DAWN: Daddy, get me out of here!
TIG: Oh, baby...
(Dawn whimpering)
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
Please... please, not her.
k*ll me. Please, I beg you.
Please, k*ll me, please?
Please?
DAMON: Know my pain, Mr. Trager.
(Dawn screams)
TIG: Oh, baby... Oh, no!
No!
(screaming)(Tig wails)
DAWN: Daddy!
(screams)
(Tig groaning)
DAMON: Mr. Trager, you and some of your crew have been ID'd for the m*rder of my daughter and the highway sh**ting.
Detective Goodman will take you to County.
You should keep this vivid memory to yourself.
I'd hate to see the same thing happen to your other daughter.
TIG: I am gonna cut your ugly, black head off.
(grunts)
DAMON: Get your cleaner out here.
GOODMAN: You got it.
DAMON: Let's go.
(car doors close)
(engine revs)
(Thomas coughing)
GEMMA: Thomas is congested.
Need a humidifier in that room.
TARA: It's not a dry cough.
A humidifier won't help.
GEMMA: And they don't need to be in day care.
We can take care of our own.
TARA: They need to socialize with other children.
And let's be honest... I don't think you're up for the task.
GEMMA: Excuse me?
TARA: You have every right to be distracted, you've been through a lot... GEMMA: - Just say what you mean.
TARA: I smell weed and alcohol on your breath every morning.
GEMMA: I don't smoke or drink in the morning.
TARA: I'm a doctor, Gemma.
I know how long drugs and alcohol stay in your system.
And until you... you pull it together, I don't want you alone with my boys.
GEMMA: Really.
Jax feel the same way?
TARA: I didn't tell him, but he knows you're not yourself.
(door opens)
Hey, baby.
JAX: Hey.
BOBBY: I knew you'd be here.
Hello, my love.
GEMMA: Welcome home, sweetheart.
TARA: Oh, I'm glad you're out.
JAX: Bobby wanted to see the boys.
TARA: Oh, they just went down.
Go ahead.
JAX: We okay?
GEMMA: Oh, yeah.
We're perfect.
(cell phone rings)
GEMMA: Hey.
UNSER: Hey, uh, Gemma.
I need Jax.
GEMMA: Why?
UNSER: Let me talk to him, please?
GEMMA: Unser.
JAX: Hey, what's happening?
UNSER: I just heard from Eglee at Lodi PD.
County issued warrants for you, Chibs, and Tig.
m*rder of Veronica Pope and Laroy's guy.
APB's going wide.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: How?
UNSER: Four witnesses turned up today.
Two saw Tig, two saw you and the Scot.
JAX: Shit.
Okay.
Thank you.
UNSER: All right.
TARA: Oh, God.
Now what?
(grunts)
GOODMAN: One of 'em is b*rned up pretty bad.
CLEANER: Yeah, I got it.
GOODMAN: I got you.
(grunts)
(Goodman coughing)
GOODMAN: How long?
CLEANER: Two hours.
Maybe a little longer.
(train whistle blows)
TIG: You're d*ad, n*gg*r*s... You're all d*ad.
GOODMAN: You kidding me with this shit?
(grunting)
(choking, train whistle bl*wing)
TIG: Die.
Die. Die.
CLEANER: You all right?
Goodman!
No, please, please, please...
(sobbing)
JAX: This guy bought those witnesses.
(cell phone ringing)
TARA: I'll call Lowen.
If Pope got these people to lie, we can prove that.
GEMMA: No, you can't turn yourselves in.
BOBBY: Pope did this to get you inside.
Black Nation offs us in County, k*ll never gets put on him.
CHIBS: Chucky.
Sheriffs are at the clubhouse looking for us.
Next stop is here.
GEMMA: - You gotta go, Jax. TARA: - No, you can't run. That's insane.
GEMMA: And getting shivved to death isn't?
He's not gonna end up a fugitive, I'm sorry... - He is not going to jail.
TARA: - No, we have two small boys... GEMMA: - Yeah, that is exactly the point, and why he is...
He is... - Stop!
GEMMA: Baby, you gotta buy yourself some time.
You make sure you're protected.
BOBBY: She's right.
GEMMA: I know where you can go.
You'd be safe.
JAX: All right.
TARA: Don't do this, Jax.
Please.
JAX: We're d*ad if we go inside now.
Stay here.
Take care of our boys.
I'll call you when I have a plan.
(Tara sighs)
Let's go.
(Tara sighs loudly)
UNSER: There you go, buddy.
Chow time.
Doing okay?
Miss her, don't ya?
Yeah, me, too.
♪ ♪
(Thomas crying)
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
DAMON: Want some ice cream?
(kids cheering)
(Damon laughing)
Mr. Pope...
KIDS: Thank you, Mr. Pope!
♪ ♪
GEMMA: Thanks.
♪ ♪
UNSER: No!
(grunts)
(grunting, choking)
(glass shattering) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "05x01 - Sovereign"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
OPIE: Clay k*lled my old man!
CLAY: Opie found out the truth. He's the one that sh*t me.
TIG: Why'd you lie, man?
JAX: I know you can't sit at the table with them. I want you in SAMCRO, but whatever you decide to do, I'm gonna back you.
OPIE: What I know is that the gavel turns shit around.
JAX: I'm not gonna turn into Clay.
OPIE I'm more afraid that I'm gonna turn into you.
GEMMA: I just went by the house to see my grandkids. Who the hell decided to put them in day care?
JAX: Me and their mother.
GEMMA: We can take care of our own.
TARA: I don't think you're up for the task.
NERO: Whoa, whoa, easy now, love. Was I that bad?
GEMMA: Who the hell are you?!
NERO: Nero Padilla. I'm a companionator.
CANE: These two girls said they witnessed guys on motorcycles sh**ting a black man in a SUV.
ROOSEVELT: Another two witnesses came in, identified Tig Trager as the guy that ran down Veronica Pope.
TIG: I, uh, m*rder an innocent girl.
CLAY: The lie was to protect Ope and the club.
UNSER: The county issued warrants for you, Chibs and Tig.
GEMMA: I got a place you can go.
You'll be safe.
ROOSEVELT: Are you guys aware of the v*olence that is happening in Charming?
Two home invasions in less than a week?
AUGUST: Gotta settle things with the Niners.
CHIBS: What the hell is this?
JAX: This is Pope letting us know he's the one who decides who lives and dies.
DAWN: Daddy!
TIG: Stop!
DAMON: You know my pain, Mr. Trager.
(clanging) MAN: Go around back!
OPIE: Shit.
(indistinct radio transmission)
ROOSEVELT: Sorry to wake you, Opie.
We were hoping that you might be able to tell us where we could find Jax Teller.
JAX: Yeah, keep an eye out front.
I want to know who's coming and going.
CHIBS: You want anybody else up here?
JAX: Not yet.
Keep trying Tig.
BOBBY: How long have you known this guy?
GEMMA: Not long.
I trust him.
CARLA: Come on.
There's a party at the Marriott.
WOMAN: I hate the Marriott.
It smells like old dudes.
CARLA: Those old dudes have money, Tinkerbell.
Let's go. WOMAN: - All right.
CARLA: I want them gone.
NERO: Sorry, Carla doesn't like surprises.
JAX: Yeah, me, neither.
NERO: We're over here.
So, you guys can crash back here in our therapy rooms.
No one'll bother you back there.
There's a studio upstairs.
You might be a little bit more comfortable.
Just let me know if you need anything.
GEMMA: Thanks.
JAX: Why you helping us?
I don't know you, your crew.
GEMMA: I can vouch for him.
JAX: I'm not asking you.
NERO: Let's just consider this networking, okay?
Maybe, at some point, you get to help me.
JAX: Yeah.
CHIBS: Hey.
Found Tig.
The old Oakland rail yards, but we gotta go now.
JAX: Shit. Okay, let's go.
GEMMA: They'll be looking for your bikes.
NERO: Hey.
Blue pickup out back.
You want a note from my priest?
JAX: Thanks.
(gasps)
(grunting)
(groans)
(groaning continues)
Son of a bitch!
(phone rings)
CLAY: Yeah.
UNSER: You better get over here.
Your house.
CLAY: Gemma okay?
UNSER: She-she ain't here.
Don't wanna give details over the phone.
It ain't...
(Clay snaps phone shut)
CHIBS: Tig?! Tiggy!
JAX: Shit.
Tig, I'm so sorry, brother.
BOBBY: Oh, man.
CHIBS: Jesus.
Mother of Christ.
TIG: Pope... he b*rned her alive... right in front of me.
Uh... he thr*at to do the same to Fawn.
I gotta find her.
JAX: The cop.
Is that you?
TIG: Yeah.
He's on Pope's payroll.
The other guy's a cleaner.
Help me get Dawn out, yeah?
JAX: Okay, Chibs, listen-- the tarps in the back of the truck-- get 'em.
CHIBS: Yeah.
BOBBY: Come on.
Let's get them. Come on.
Come on.
UNSER: Coming over to feed the bird.
My closest friend lately.
They smashed through the door, three of 'em, maybe four.
CLAY: Say anything?
What they wanted?
UNSER: Not that I heard.
I got knocked out, like, ten seconds in.
JUICE: Damn.
CLAY: Where's Gemma?
UNSER: I don't know.
Really.
Got no idea.
CLAY: It's a good thing she wasn't here.
UNSER: I didn't know which way to jump with this thing; club problem, Charming problem?
CLAY: Ah, you gotta call the sheriff.
It's the only way I collect the insurance off of this shit.
JUICE: I'll get the prospects to clean up.
CLAY: Okay.
This had to be black.
Pope paying us back.
UNSER: Yeah. Makes sense.
CLAY: You really come over to feed the bird?
UNSER: She's on her own trip these days.
I got no idea where she goes or who with.
(groans in pain)
(groans) Damn it.
Charmed life, ain't it?
JAX: Hey, we should get out of here.
BOBBY: Give him a minute.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ a perfect line ♪
♪ on the devil's bed ♪
♪ until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ in the eye ♪
BOBBY: Any luck with Romeo?
JAX: Just left him another message.
Both him and Luis.
BOBBY: Maybe we should reach out to Alvarez.
JAX: Romeo's the only one that can protect us from Pope.
CHIBS: I'll call Juice, get Happy, Frankie Diamonds.
We need some extra weight.
JAX: Yeah, okay.
CHIBS: Yeah.
NERO: Yeah, Hector has the address.
JAX: Hey.
It might be a busy day for us.
This is for your time and inconvenience.
If you need more, you're gonna have to wait.
NERO: Nah, this is good.
You let me know. I'll be around.
(Jax sighs)
CHIBS: We need to get out of here soon.
All this activity, it makes me very nervous.
JAX: All this activity makes me think we're in the wrong business.
(knocking, door opens)
DAMON: What?
AUGUST: We found Goodman and his cleaner in the pit with Laroy and Darnell... torched.
No signs of Trager or the girl's body.
DAMON: Guess I shouldn't be surprised.
Goodman was a sloppy n*gg*r.
Clean it up.
We don't want the rest of our city employees getting rattled.
AUGUST: Already done.
The other two Sons have gone AWOL.
No one from the MC's been picked up.
POPE: These white boys are resourceful.
Dig into 'em deeper.
I want to know everything.
AUGUST: I got the Niners, East Dub, couple other crews hunting SAMCRO.
Between us and the cops, we can flush 'em out.
DAMON: Maybe.
LOWEN: Eyewitnesses look legit.
20s, black. No priors.
BOBBY: Damon Pope bought those witnesses.
LOWEN: If he did, we prove that in court.
JAX: Pope doesn't want a trial.
GEMMA: He wants 'em d*ad.
TARA: She knows that.
JAX: I need time.
I got to secure us some protection inside.
LOWEN: If I tell the D.A. you're gonna turn yourselves in, good faith gets you about eight more hours.
After that, you're fugitives evading arrest.
(phone rings)
JAX: It's Clay.
See what he wants.
Mom, keep an eye on Tig.
GEMMA: Yeah.
(Tara sighs)
JAX: Fill her in about RICO?
TARA: As much as I could.
LOWEN: How do you know there's a RICO case against the Sons?
JAX: Otto Delaney turned.
Gave up Bobby's involvement as history.
LOWEN: Why you?
BOBBY: Personal.
I was sleeping with his old lady.
Otto got me up to Stockton to tell me why he was ratting.
Then, after that, the Feds picked me up.
I was in an A*F holding cell for three weeks.
LOWEN: And they dropped the charges.
JAX: Not exactly...
LOWEN: I can't do my job with "not exactly."
JAX: The case is being held over our heads.
I can't say who.
There's a chance it could all crash down.
TARA: He's telling the truth.
LOWEN: Feds?
JAX: We gotta figure out how to k*ll this case.
(Lowen sighs)
LOWEN: You'd have to prove Otto's testimony was false.
That would close off past crimes.
What do you have for present?
JAX: g*n running.
Someone gave him intel.
LOWEN: Current member?
BOBBY: Not sure.
(Lowen laughs)
LOWEN: It's gonna be really tough getting details on a case I'm not even supposed to know about.
JAX: What about Otto?
Can you get to him?
LOWEN: My association with the club, they won't let me near him.
JAX: Can you get anyone there to talk to him?
LOWEN: Depends how tightly they have him locked down.
JAX: This is all confidential.
Nobody other than Bobby and Tara can know.
CHIBS: Hey... Clay... It's not good.
House was h*t last night.
Home invasion.
Unser was there, feeding the bird.
Got stomped.
TARA: Oh, my God.
JAX: My mom's house?
CHIBS: Yep.
JAX: Pope's coming at our families.
BOBBY: This is not about payback, brother.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: Okay.
Take my mom to her house; sort out the damage.
Put the club on alert-- wives, kids, everyone should be looking out.
BOBBY: Will do.
JAX: Let's get that g*dd*mn address.
We gotta find Tig's other spawn, before this psycho barbecues her.
All right?
Make the call.
Tell the D.A. we'll turn ourselves in tonight.
Clubhouse.
And I'll double your retainer while you look into Otto.
LOWEN: Fair enough.
TARA: Thank you.
JAX: - Yeah. Thank you. LOWEN: - Yeah.
ROOSEVELT: Third att*ck on the Sons.
Someone just ain't feeling you guys.
CLAY: We're an acquired taste.
ROOSEVELT: You know this is retaliation.
CLAY: I don't know nothin'.
I leave the crime fighting to the professionals.
Look at this.
Took my whole g*dd*mn safe.
ROOSEVELT: Are you clear on what was inside?
CLAY: Eh, just personal documents-- birth certificates, that kind of shit.
I'm not too sure about the cash.
Gotta ask my wife.
GEMMA: Jesus Christ!
BOBBY: Oh, man.
GEMMA: Oh, my God.
Wayne, are you okay?
UNSER: I'm, I'm, I'm fine.
It was like four of 'em.
Blind-sided.
I didn't have a chance.
Sorry about your place, sweetheart.
ROOSEVELT: So you weren't here, Gemma?
UNSER: No. Only me.
CLAY: Wayne was looking in on her.
We're separated; I worry.
ROOSEVELT: So you have no idea who would want to trash... GEMMA: - No.
ROOSEVELT: Any suspicious phone calls?
GEMMA: Save it.
I don't know shit.
ROOSEVELT: Okay.
Well, I told the other guys, so I'll tell you. If this feud blows back on any innocents, I will call g*ng Task Force and have Charming locked down.
If you remember anything, give me a call.
CLAY: Find my safe.
TARA: Hey... they trashed your mom's place.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: I gotta fix this.
TARA: You will.
JAX: Thank you.
You really handled this, babe.
These charges, Lowen, us camping out here...
You're amazing.
CHIBS: Hey.
Got an address for Fawn.
Oakland.
Hamilton and Irving.
40 minutes from here.
Juice has got our ride.
TARA: No, but the APB went wide.
JAX: Give me a minute.
TARA: Can't you let the other guys go?
JAX: I have to make sure Tig's kid is safe.
TARA: What about our kids?
What happens if you're in jail for a long time again, Jax?
You have sons.
(Jax sighs) TARA: Shit.
I'm sorry.
(wry laugh)
I'm really trying.
JAX: I know.
TARA: Go.
You're right. Help Tig.
JAX: I'll be fine.
TARA: Okay.
(sighs anxiously)
JAX: Let's get married.
Today.
TARA: Are you serious?
I thought you wanted to...
JAX: I don't want to wait any more.
Whatever happens, Tara, I want you to be my wife.
I always have.
TARA: Here... in a brothel... wanted for m*rder.
JAX: Hey... I'm all about the fairy tale, baby.
TARA: So much for romance.
JAX: Hey... I k*lled a Fed for you.
Nothing says endless love like capital m*rder.
TARA: Well, I guess that's true.
Who should I tell?
JAX: No one.
Let's just do it.
We'll do something for these knuckleheads later.
CHIBS: Jackie.
We need to go.
TARA: I'll make the arrangements.
JAX: I'll see you later.
TARA: Mm.
JAX: Make an honest woman out of you.
(Tara laughs gently)
TARA: Good luck.
(knocking on door)
ROOSEVELT: You forgot to tell me something at the house?
UNSER: Maybe.
ROOSEVELT: Well, you've got my attention.
UNSER: I was wondering if you found any patterns in these break-ins?
ROOSEVELT: You mean besides the fact that they're all pointed to your MC buddies?
UNSER: Yeah. Besides that.
ROOSEVELT: No. The victims didn't see anything, and if they did, like you, they're not saying much.
UNSER: This wasn't black retaliation.
It felt more white to me.
ROOSEVELT: Really.
And how does "white" feel?
UNSER: Sloppy, clumsy, uh...
b*at down was obligatory, not angry.
ROOSEVELT: Clay send you over here?
UNSER: I wore a badge for
30 years in Charming.
I learned how to make it work with the Sons.
And, yeah, I got a little more comfortable with them than I should have.
But I never did dirty work.
Still don't.
I'm going to be poking around these home invasions.
I find anything, I'll let you know.
I'd appreciate the same.
(door closes)
TIG: Oh, shit.
Three deep on the porch.
JAX: All right, let's do this easy.
Tig!
JAX: Hey, we don't know the situation here.
TIG: We're gonna find out.
JAX: Looking for Fawn Trager.
TIG: On your knees!
(all shouting)
TIG: On your knees, bitches, before I blow your co*n bellies.
JAX: Tig! Put the g*n down, man.
MAN: Chill, man!
JAX: Tig! This is what got us into this mess.
(Tig groans)
JUICE: Ain't got no ink.
They're not Niners.
WOMAN: - Stop! Stop! MAN: - Bitch!
TIG: Aw, shit!
FRANKIE: We got this.
TIG: - Fawnsy! WOMAN: - You're hurting me!
Stop! MAN: - Shut your mouth!
TIG: Fawnsy!
WOMAN: Please, stop!
It hurts!
Stop it! MAN: - I'm gonna k*ll you, bitch!
FAWN: It hurts!
MAN: You like it when it hurts.
Who the hell...!
FAWN: Dad, no!
No, Dad! Stop!
TIG: I'll k*ll you!
FAWN: No! He's my boyfriend!
TIG: He's what?
FAWN: He's my boyfriend, you assh*le.
TIG: - But he was... he was... FAWN: - Jesus Christ.
JAX: Wow.
TIG: I had, I had to find you, baby.
You might be in trouble.
There's a guy... there's a black guy... he wants to hurt me, my family.
FAWN: Why?
What the hell did you do now?
TIG: Well... I-I, just, you gotta get out of town for awhile, please.
FAWN: What about Dawn?
You get her to leave?
Or maybe you just paid her to go.
FAWN: Oh, shit.
Dad...
Where is she?
FAWN: I hate you.
TIG: - Aw... FAWN: - I hate you!
I hate you! TIG: - I know, I know.
FAWN: I hate you, you pig!
FAWN: I hate you!
FRANKIE: - Come on... FAWN: - I hate you!
BOYFRIEND: - Baby, baby, hey... FAWN: - I hate you!
JAX: - Whoa, whoa, whoa... BOYFRIEND: - Let her go!
JAX: - Hey, hey, hey! BOYFRIEND: - Let her go!
JAX: - Whoa, whoa... look at me. FAWN: What did you do?
Sit down, please.
Sit down.
You care about her?
Do you care about her?
Well, then, man, you gotta pack a bag and you gotta get her out of town.
All right?
I'll tell you when it's safe to come back.
Here.
Go on.
Go on.
CHIBS: Nothing from Romeo.
JAX: Shit. Stay here. I don't trust these guys. Make sure Fawn gets out of Oakland. I'm going to call Nero, get a lift back to Diosa, wait for Romeo's call.
CHIBS: It's too dangerous. You're not traveling alone, Jackie, all right?
JAX: Chibs, we're safer if we split up, all right? I'm fine. Just handle this.
CHIBS: Okay.
JAX (whispering): Watch.
(door closes)
CLAY: Turn here.
BOBBY: Really? This is Opie's street.
(sighs)
Now, it wasn't easy, what you did yesterday. And all the guys are spun out by it all, but they all know the history between you and Piney. Nobody's gonna vote you out.
CLAY: Pull over.
BOBBY: You... you... Does he know you're coming by?
(brakes squeak)
I mean, I mean, you really think this is smart?
He still might be pissed.
Maybe you are, too.
CLAY: Me coming clean about Piney, the one guy who needed to hear it most wasn't at that table.
Whatever happens, I'm good.
I'm sorry I didn't give you...
OPIE: I heard about Tig's kid and the warrants, if that's why you're here.
CLAY: No, that's not it.
OPIE: Then I got shit to do.
CLAY: You know, when you pulled that trigger, a part of me was relieved.
It's an easier way to go out than dealing with this.
OPIE: What the hell is this, Clay?
CLAY: I told the club the truth.
About me and your old man.
History escalated.
k*ll or be k*lled.
OPIE: That's your truth.
If this is some kind of bullshit apology then...
CLAY: No apology.
I ain't that stupid.
This is me telling you you're walking away from SAMCRO
'cause of your hatred for me.
That's a mistake.
I'm almost done.
I'm half d*ad, for Christ's sake.
Jax is the head of the table now.
It's your time.
The guys are turning themselves in today.
OPIE: They get protection inside?
CLAY: I don't know.
But I do know this.
Whatever happens, Jax is gonna want you at that table.
He needs you.
(tires squeal)
JAX: Thanks for the lift, man.
NERO: No problem.
I, uh, got to make a stop though; take about 15 minutes.
JAX: All right, cool.
NERO: So, how did that go?
JAX: As bad as expected.
NERO: Damn.
You guys are having a rough run.
JAX: Yeah.
How long you been working girls?
NERO: A long time.
Just moved indoors, though, like, uh, four years ago.
JAX: The escort thing not get much heat?
NERO: Vice, they're always sniffing around, but as long as I got my permits in order, I ain't making no noise.
They pretty much back off.
JAX: How's the money?
NERO: I take 25% in house, 30% for out-calls.
That's after taxes.
JAX: That's it?
NERO: Hey, it don't pay to be greedy.
You know, you got to treat your girls good.
They stay happy.
They all got regulars.
Feria, the money, stays steady.
JAX: How does your crew work into that?
NERO: Oh, they get a piece of my end.
Free p*ssy.
Keep away the competition.
So, I know you guys run g*n.
How does that pay out?
JAX: Percentages.
And blood.
(grunts)
NERO: Cuates.
w*apon, man.
That's a lot of heat.
JAX: Yeah.
NERO: So, uh, this whole m*rder wrap, that's what, retaliation blowback?
JAX: No, man, stupidity.
Tig, guy lost his daughter, sh**t first, thinks later.
NERO: Yeah, I got a couple of those guys myself.
JAX: You run your crew?
NERO: Not anymore.
No upside of management.
JAX: O.G.
NERO: Since I was 15.
Everyone I ran with, though, either d*ad or permanently residing in the C.D.C.
JAX: You're still standing.
NERO: Lucky bust.
I spent my 30s in Chino.
Gave up the needle, picked up some books, saw the bigger picture.
JAX: And the bigger picture was p*ssy.
NERO: Every picture is p*ssy, ese.
(laughs)
NERO: So, uh, I'll be back in a few.
JAX: Should I keep the motor running?
NERO: Not unless you want to pay for gas.
_
GEMMA: Why you chatting up Wade?
UNSER: Just making sure he's okay.
Got h*t with a home invasion, too.
GEMMA: I know.
What's with the notebook?
UNSER: Oh, well... (knocking)
LOWEN: Sorry to bother you.
Tara's waiting for this.
I rushed through a marriage license.
Can you take it up?
I'm late for a deposition.
GEMMA: Sure.
Thanks.
UNSER: Didn't know, did you?
GEMMA: No.
NERO: Hey, buddy.
BOY: Papi.
NERO: Come on.
You got it.
NERO: Who's that? What do you say?
Odelay.
Odelay.
(laughs)
JAX: Was that your boy?
NERO: Lucius.
He's a badass.
Spina bifida.
He was born with it.
It's only gonna get worse.
JAX: I'm sorry.
That's rough, man.
What causes that?
NERO: Neglect.
I wasn't paying attention during the pregnancy.
My ex was using.
JAX: Well, my first boy was born with his insides upside down.
Mom was a junkie.
I wasn't paying attention either.
NERO: Pecados del padre, homes.
We got admirers.
They been tailing us since we left my kid.
(cocks g*n)
JAX: All right, pull down a side street.
I'll dump out.
They're after me.
JAX: You gonna slow it down, or do you want me to dive out at 60?
NERO: Hold on, ese.
JAX: What are you doing?
NERO: Seeing what these brothers are made of...
JAX: I think they're made of about two tons of reinforced steel, brother.
NERO: I got to admit, part of me is trying to impress you.
JAX: No need to impress me, brother, or k*ll me.
(horn honking)
NERO: Come on!
(horn honks)
(yells)
(laughs)
That was fun.
Sorry, I don't get out much.
(medical monitors beeping)
DIRECTOR: Cut. Cut. (bell rings)
Take five.
Yeah, go ahead.
(indistinct talking)
IMA: You okay?
LYLA: Yeah.
What are you doing her OPIE: - I tried calling.
I didn't know that you were sh**ting.
Can I talk to you?
LYLA: I guess.
OPIE: Glad to see the Saffron sisters are still together.
LYLA: Oh, it's my most lucrative title.
OPIE: You still just doing girl?
LYLA: Is this what you wanted to talk about?
OPIE: Yeah.
Look, I was hoping that you could take care of Kenny and Ellie.
LYLA: Why?
Where are you going?
OPIE: I got to leave town for a while.
I don't know how long I'm gonna be gone.
There's 20 grand here.
Should take care of living expenses.
LYLA: What the hell is going on, Ope?
OPIE: If you can't, I'll just take them to my mom's.
They love you.
Miss Piper a lot.
LYLA: Jesus, Ope, you can't just spring this on me.
OPIE: I'm... I'm sorry.
I know that you're busy.
There's enough money here to hire a nanny and sitters.
I can't tell you much more than that.
(Lyla sighs)
I'll explain it all when I get back.
Please, Lyla.
LYLA: Did you ever love me, Ope?
Or was I just a distraction to get you to the next exit?
OPIE: You weren't a distraction.
I don't know if I love anything.
(sighs)
LYLA: A few weeks.
OPIE: Thank you.
CHIBS: Jackie, Jackie, Jackie, Jackie.
JAX: Hey.
What are you doing here?
GEMMA: Messenger.
Marriage license.
JAX: Look, Mom, I didn't plan it like this...
GEMMA: Don't you insult me with an excuse.
Where's Tara?
JAX: Will you leave her out of this?
I was the one who told her not to tell anyone.
NERO: Hey, man.
Judge Cooper's gotta split soon.
We need to do this.
JAX: All right.
Aw, shit.
TARA: You looking for me?
GEMMA: Yeah.
TARA: Not how you planned it, is it?
GEMMA: Not being invited to my son's wedding?
No, it's not.
TARA: I meant Jax marrying me.
You hated the idea
14 years ago.
GEMMA: Life moves on.
We change.
I hate different things now.
TARA: Just say it, Gemma.
GEMMA: These were mine and John's.
Figured you didn't have time to get rings.
JAX: You all right?
TARA: Yeah.
JAX: We're gonna lose our john judge.
TARA: I'm almost ready.
GEMMA: You gotta put distance between us.
Own your place.
I get it.
But there is no one else who understands what you are going through right now better than I do.
You remember that.
Now, I would like to stay and watch you marry my only son.
You okay with that?
TARA: Yes.
COOPER: Okay, we're here to join in legal matrimony, Jackson Nathaniel Teller and Tara Grace Knowles.
You're both here of your own free will, intent on marriage?
JAX: - Yes. TARA: - Yes.
JUDGE: Do you, Tara, take Jackson to be your lawfully wedded husband?
TARA: I do.
JUDGE: And you, Jackson, do you take Tara to be your lawfully wedded wife?
JAX: Yes, I do.
JUDGE: You have rings?
JAX: - No... TARA: - Yes.
JUDGE: You can put 'em on, if you want.
TARA: Gemma.
JUDGE: Anybody want to say anything?
CHIBS: Aye.
JAX: Aw, Jesus.
CHIBS: Excuse me.
May the Lord hold you in His hand, and may he never close His fist too tight.
Beannachd Dia dhuit.
I love yous both.
JUDGE: Lovely.
By the power invested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Uh, the witnesses need to sign the license... and good luck.
BOBBY: Yeah!
(cheering, applauding)
NERO: You okay, mama?
GEMMA: I'm trying.
(cell phone ringing)
TIG: I'm really happy for you.
BOBBY: Hold on.
Jax?
A wedding gift.
JAX: Pope set us up.
There's warrants out for me, Tig and Chibs.
We need protection in County and we gotta make these bullshit charges go away.
ROMEO: Local charges, that's not so easy.
JAX: If you want our relationship to keep running smooth, you need me alive and out of jail.
ROMEO: Don't let that president's patch go to your head, son.
JAX: I am trying to survive.
It ain't easy living on both sides of the fence, jefe.
You should know that.
LUIS: When do you turn yourselves in?
JAX: We're on our way now.
LUIS: That's not much time.
JAX: Come on, man, you're CIA; you don't need time.
You keep us alive.
ROMEO: We'll see what we can do.
LUIS: What happens if we can't get him out?
ROMEO: Let black k*ll him.
Go to plan "B."
LUIS: We don't have a plan "B."
ROMEO: We will.
JAX: You keep in touch with Romeo.
Let Tara know what's going on.
And you keep Clay close.
BOBBY: No problem there.
He's all broken, man.
JAX: Yeah, I want to keep him that way.
BOBBY: Yes, sir, Prez.
(sirens wailing)
CHIBS: All right, laddies.
Our ride's here.
TARA: I love you.
Please stay safe. JAX: - I will.
Wife.
GEMMA: Don't you worry, sweetheart.
We'll take care of your baby.
(pounding at door)
MAN: San Joaquin Sheriff.
Open up.
GEMMA: Keep my boy safe.
CHIBS: You know I will, mum.
ROOSEVELT: I have the warrants.
LOWEN: They're ready.
JAX: Thank you.
♪
♪
(motorcycle revs)
ROOSEVELT: All right, fellas, look alive and couple.
Let's go.
(indistinct radio chatter)
♪
♪
ROOSEVELT: So you came to say goodbye.
OPIE: Yeah.
OFFICER: Hey!
Hey!
(grunts)
DEPUTY: Don't move!
ROOSEVELT: You're still standing here?
Get him out of here!
TARA: What the hell is Opie doing?
GEMMA: He's staying close.
♪
♪
JAX: Is this you becoming me?
OPIE: How'd I do?
JAX: Not bad.
♪
♪
GEMMA: Is this okay?
NINO: Yeah.
♪
♪
AUGUST: Sheriffs are picking up the Sons. They'll be in County within the hour.
♪
♪ | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "05x02 - Authority Vested"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
NERO: Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy now, love.
GEMMA: Who the hell are you?
NERO: Nero Padilla. I'm a companionater.
(g*n)
CLAY: Opie found out the truth. He's the one that sh*t me.
(g*n)
JAX: I'm sorry you see that as a betrayal.
OPIE: The only betrayal that I see is Clay not being the one going in that hole.
TIG: I m*rder an innocent girl.
RITA: Who is Veronica Pope?
ROOSEVELT: Damon Pope's daughter.
DAMON: You know my pain, Mr. Trager.
(Dawn whimpering)
TIG: No!
(Dawn screaming)
No...!
JAX: This warrant's out for me, Tig and Chibs.
We need protection in County.
You keep us alive.
ROMEO: We'll see what we can do.
ROOSEVELT: So, you came to say good-bye?
OPIE: Yeah.
ROOSEVELT: Get him out of here!
TARA: What the hell is Opie doing?
GEMMA: Staying close.
(buzzer sounds)
(indistinct talking)
TIG: Here we go.
This ain't happening here, ese.
This is our beef.
You ain't got no business with these boys.
That word comes out of the shoe.
You got a spot with us, boy.
JAX: Appreciate that.
(rustling)
GEMMA: Oh, hey.
NERO: Hi.
Sleep okay? and then he got arrested.
NERO: Mmm.
Love hurts.
CARLA: Emma Jean's waiting.
Wants to book her schedule.
GEMMA: I don't think your Whore Friday is keen on me occupying your time.
NERO: Eh, Carla's a little intense.
I got a freelancer in from Indiana.
GEMMA: For the farmer's daughter's experience.
NERO: Something like that.
Depravity craves innocence.
Any word about your boy?
GEMMA: No.
NERO: They're gonna be fine.
GEMMA: Yeah.
(door opens, closes)
CHIBS: Pope finds out Brown has our back, he's gonna find other ways to hurt us.
JAX: Aryans.
CHIBS: Yeah, and the guards.
All these greedy bastards are on the take.
(door closes)
GUARD: Teller.
Let's go-- with me.
JAX: For what?
GUARD: You shut your mouth and get your ass out here.
CLAY: You talk to Romeo?
BOBBY: Luis.
The guys are safe.
JUICE: Thank God.
HAPPY: Thank vatos with shivs.
BOBBY: He wants to meet.
Lindelof Pines.
Seemed urgent.
CLAY: About getting the guys out?
BOBBY: I don't know.
Are you up to it?
(glass bangs on bar)
CLAY: No choice.
GEMMA: What's going on?
BOBBY: Guys are okay.
GEMMA: Are you sure?
BOBBY: Yeah, positive.
I promise.
GEMMA: Does Tara know?
BOBBY: I just called her.
GEMMA: Okay, I'm heading over there.
BOBBY: We got a thing.
GEMMA: Yeah, okay.
(knocking on door)
COMMANDER: Come in.
(door opens)
Sit down.
You want me to cuff him?
DAMON: Nope.
We're good.
Relax.
Just here to talk.
JAX: Yeah?
Is that what you told Tig's girl before you set her on f*re?
DAMON: Let's not discuss the tragedy of d*ad girls.
That's an argument you'd lose.
JAX: Look, I tried to reach out to you, somehow make this right.
What the hell do you want, man?
DAMON: You were able to get protection inside.
Profitable relationships with the Galindo cartel, Real IRA, g*n, coke.
You guys are too smart.
Too, uh, ambitious.
JAX: For a bunch of white trash bikers?
DAMON: To k*ll.
Now, I know you're not dealing the coke, you're muling it.
What's your end?
You don't think I'll find out?
JAX: A hundred per shipment.
DAMON: Now 50 of that is mine.
JAX: That's not gonna happen without a... DAMON: This is not a discussion.
This is about you learning how to survive.
Now, Trager, he stays inside for the rest of his life.
I'll make sure he's treated accordingly.
This way, every time I think about my daughter, I know where he is and what's being done to him.
I need a d*ad Son for the Niner and the cop you k*lled.
It maintains my relationships.
I don't care who.
The commander knows about it.
He'll set it up.
When that happens, witnesses are no longer witnesses and you get out to earn.
JAX: Come on, man.
I'm not just gonna k*ll one of my guys.
DAMON: Yes, you are.
Before the next guard shift.
The cost of doing battle.
JAX: I'm not going to w*r.
DAMON: You're already in it. Son.
(buzzer sounds, door closes)
(heavy door slams)
♪ Riding through this world All alone ♪
God takes your soul.
You're on your own
♪ The crow flies straight A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed Until you die ♪
Gotta look this life In the eye. ♪
JAX: I didn't know your office was for rent.
COMMANDER: Thing you got to handle goes down in solitary.
Don't want riots in my yard.
Shift sergeant can walk you through the process. It's his game.
We're done.
Abel, you want to play with these blocks?
GEMMA: Hey. Hey, hey.
May I help you?
GEMMA: I'm here to see my grandkids, Abel and Thomas.
Abel and Thomas.
ABEL: Hi, Grandma.
GEMMA: Hi, baby.
Sorry, only the father has access.
GEMMA: Excuse me?
You have to be on the list.
Uh, you can have his mom sign a consent form.
GEMMA: Uh-huh.
TARA: It's because Diana's abdominal wall hasn't fully developed, so Dr. Namid is gonna perform a s...
MARGARET: What are you doing, Gemma?
TARA: I'm so sorry.
Please excuse me.
MARGARET: She's in the middle of counseling.
GEMMA: Not now, Red.
TARA: I'm sorry.
I got it.
What the hell are you doing?
GEMMA: Apparently, I'm not on the list.
TARA: Jesus Christ.
Yes, the hospital requires consent upon visitation.
GEMMA: I'm not a visitor.
I'm their g*dd*mn grandmother.
TARA: And I'm their g*dd*mn mother.
You will not bully me into changing how I raise my children.
GEMMA: I am not bullying.
I'm just helping the strangers that are taking care of my grandkids.
TARA: I don't need your help.
Wrap a scarf around that shit.
What are you, 15?
GEMMA: Hear you loud and clear, Mom.
(Tara exhales)
MARGARET: I hate it when she makes you stoop to her level.
TARA: I didn't stoop.
OPIE: What happened?
JAX: I'll fill everyone in.
OPIE: Aren't you getting tired of this?
JAX: Lockup or being confused by your vague questions?
OPIE: I don't know, it just ain't fun anymore.
Chasing cash we don't need and spending every dime trying to stay alive.
JAX: American dream.
CHIBS: Where they take you?
JAX: Commander's office.
Face time with Damon Pope.
CHIBS: Shit, man.
That guy's got everybody tapped.
JAX: He gave me his demands.
TIG: He wants me d*ad.
JAX: He didn't say that.
He wants half our muling earn.
50 K per shipment.
OPIE: What else?
JAX: I'm not sure.
He's gonna have a guard fill me in.
CHIBS: And what?
What does that mean?
JAX: We'll find out.
LUIS: Our sources confirm that Pope met with Jax.
BOBBY: Inside?
CLAY: Shit.
Idi Amin's got reach.
LUIS: Yeah. And he laid out his terms.
We have to prepare for every scenario.
BOBBY: Meaning if they don't get out alive.
LUIS: Meaning one of our shipments was att*cked.
Torched trucks don't give us much comfort.
And Mr. Galindo needs to know that everyone is paying attention.
CLAY: That att*ck was personal, not business.
You got your coke on time.
BOBBY: Tell Galindo to relax.
The MC will get his g*n and blow in one piece, on schedule.
LUIS: Good.
BOBBY: And you make sure that our guys get out of County alive.
LUIS: We hear anything from you men, we'll call you.
JUICE: Clubhouse?
CLAY: You know where she's been.
JUICE: Who?
Gemma?
No, I don't know anything.
CLAY: That wasn't a question.
You know where she's been.
JUICE: Not really.
I can't, Clay.
CLAY: I lost my seat.
Half a lung.
If I'm not riding in a month, I lose my vote.
She's the only thing I got left.
I-I just need to find out if it is what I think it is.
Her k*lling time with somebody to hurt me.
I ain't gonna set it on f*re.
I promise.
Please.
Juice, it's k*lling me.
JUICE: Aw, shit.
WENDY: I'll be outside in a minute.
GEMMA: They told me I could wait for you.
WENDY: Everything all right?
GEMMA: Abel's fine.
You mind?
(sighs)
Jax got picked up.
Manslaughter.
WENDY: Oh, shit.
GEMMA: Highway sh**ting last month.
Charges are bullshit.
WENDY: They always are.
How's Tara?
GEMMA: Not good.
Between what's going on with Jax, and her hand getting messed up...
She's in bad shape.
That's why I'm here.
I think she's self-medicating.
WENDY: Oh.
Pain meds?
GEMMA: Oxy.
Now I'm worried about the kids.
WENDY: Does Jax know?
GEMMA: He's blind to it.
WENDY: Well, you should tell someone at the hospital.
GEMMA: No.
I'm not letting in outsiders.
WENDY: Why are you telling me this, Gemma?
GEMMA: You want Abel in your life?
WENDY: You want me to thr*at her with oxy abuse?
What the hell did she do to you?
GEMMA: Doesn't matter.
I'm giving you the leverage you need.
WENDY: Unbelievable.
GEMMA: Yeah, it's a shitty way in.
But it beats some messy custody suit, which we both know is the only other way you're gonna ever get to see your kid.
It's a small, unstable window.
Just think about it.
WENDY: "He will never call you Mommy."
Your promise to me.
Remember?
GEMMA: Yeah.
I remember everything.
GUARD (over P.A.): Yard is closing.
E Block, line up for return to quarters.
JAX: Hey.
Yo, yard duty up already?
Cutting back on guards.
Bring half of us in before shift change.
JAX: Shit.
Hey.
Guard I got to speak to is in solitary.
We got to do this now, before the shift change.
You with me?
CHIBS: Yeah.
JAX: We got to take this one alone, ese.
You know what I mean?
JAX: Ho!
What the hell?
Come on, guys, get these cr*cker bitches!
(grunting)
(alarm sirens wail)
(grunting, yelling)
GUARD: Get down! Everybody down!
On the ground, move, move!
(yelling)
(g*n)
GUARD (over P.A.): All inmates should be facedown on the ground, hands behind your back.
GUARD: Face in.
Two to a room.
No yard time.
One meal.
Yeah, my big, black dick.
TIG: Who said that?
All I see is teeth.
What did you say?
(grunts)
GUARD: Save that shit for the box!
Now get your ass up.
You, too.
Get up!
Get back in line.
(knocking on door)
TARA: It's open.
WENDY: Hey.
Sorry to barge in.
TARA: This is not a good time.
WENDY: I guess not.
I heard about Jax.
TARA: Yeah.
You and everyone else.
WENDY: Oh, my God, he's so beautiful.
TARA: Thank you.
I have to go.
WENDY: We need to begin the conversation about Abel.
TARA: There is no conversation.
WENDY: Look, your life is very messy, Tara.
I know... it used to be my life.
And with Jax running the club, it's only going to get more complicated.
TARA: And what does that have to do with my son?
WENDY: His father is a convicted felon, and his guardian is psychologically fragile.
TARA: That's bullshit.
And I'm not just his guardian, I'm his mother.
Legally, we got married.
WENDY: When?
TARA: Yesterday.
WENDY: Oh.
Congratulations.
You still have to tell Abel that I'm his mother.
Or the court will.
TARA: Why do this today?
Gemma.
Of course.
WENDY: It had to happen.
TARA: Do you really think she wants Abel to know you're his mom?
She tried to k*ll you.
Or have you forgotten that?
WENDY: No.
TARA: She's pissed because I'm not letting her run my family.
What did she tell you?
That I'm unstable?
What?
Strung out on painkillers?
Look at me.
You know what opiates look like.
My eyes pinned?
I haven't taken a pill in over a month.
She played you.
Like she does me, like she does everybody.
WENDY: Probably.
But it doesn't change the truth.
TARA: What truth?
That I'm a surgeon, and you're some ex-junkie biker whore.
You want to come after me and my family?
Bring it on, darling.
I'm not afraid of you.
Or your bullshit custody thr*at.
WENDY: Okay, Gemma.
OPIE: What aren't you telling us?
Lying by omission is still lying, and you suck at it.
(door buzzes)
SERGEANT: You the one calling it?
JAX: I guess.
SERGEANT: I need a minute alone.
JAX: He can stay.
SERGEANT: Word from upstairs is one of you four leaves in a bag.
Pick the guy.
I'll handle the rest.
JAX: And what's the rest?
SERGEANT: We go to the box after the shift change.
He fights... until he loses.
I'm guessing it's one of the other two.
I need to know which one.
We got a little action going... put odds on how long he'll last.
I'll give you a few minutes to figure it out.
JAX: Pope wants Tig to rot inside.
And he wants a d*ad Son for the Niner and the cop we k*lled.
(sighs)
I'm treading water here, Ope. I got no idea how to keep everyone alive. I miss your old man.
OPIE: Yeah, me, too.
JAX: Tara found some letters. Maureen Ashby stuffed them in my gear. They were love letters between her and my dad. They made it pretty clear that JT wanted to get us out of g*n, and Clay didn't want it. JT predicted that Clay was gonna k*ll him. Specifically, that he would sabotage his bike. And he was right.
OPIE: Yeah, that's... that's insane.
JAX: Tara told Piney, Ope. She was digging into him for truth. It's when we were inside. When the cartel shit went down, Piney must've thr*at Clay with the letters.
OPIE: So, that's... that's why Clay k*lled my old man?
JAX: Yeah.
(grunting)
Stop!
OPIE: Why didn't you let me k*ll him? Why didn't you let me k*ll him?
JAX: There's a RICO case pending against the club. Otto gave up Bobby.
(panting)
OPIE: How do you know?
JAX: Romeo is doing double time. He's cartel and CIA. He put a pin in RICO so we could keep the big g*n and drugs flowing. That pin gets pulled, we all go down.
OPIE: And Clay doesn't know.
JAX: Just me and Bobby. Clay is the only one that Gaalan will sell big g*n to. Romeo needs him alive. That's it, Ope. That's all the truth. I had to make a choice, brother. k*ll Clay or save the club.
OPIE: You made the wrong choice.
MARGARET: My office said you called?
TARA: Yeah, I need you to fill out this, um, paperwork.
MARGARET: CDC approval?
TARA: I'm gonna be doing some gratis work at the prison.
MARGARET: Okay.
TARA: Thanks.
MARGARET: Some of the nurses were saying you got married?
TARA: Yesterday.
It was a quick, private thing.
We didn't tell anyone.
MARGARET: Oh, uh, security paged me on the way up.
Gemma's waiting outside daycare for the kids.
You want me to handle it?
TARA: No.
It's a family thing.
I got it.
GEMMA: You're late.
TARA: Wendy paid me a visit today.
GEMMA: What did that bitch want?
(Tara sighs)
TARA: I love you, Gemma.
I really do.
You and me, we've been down a long road, and I know you love Jax and the boys, and they adore you.
GEMMA: Where is this sad song going?
TARA: You're pissed off.
Afraid I'm trying to push you out.
That's why you're twisting up Wendy, trying to use her to hurt me.
Oh, save the bullshit indignation.
She copped to it.
GEMMA: I forgot.
You're the smart one.
My pretty little Frankenstein.
TARA: That's right.
And here's something else that might sound familiar.
Don't ever try to hurt me or my family again.
GEMMA: Or what, Doctor?
You gonna k*ll me?
TARA: No.
But my husband might.
(phone ringing)
GEMMA: Yeah, what?
CARLA: So, I've got two of your guys just walked in.
Real cute thing and some old dude; he's carting O2.
GEMMA: Oh, shit.
That's my old man.
I'll be right there.
CARLA: What?
You ditching another warrant?
CLAY: Nah, we're just looking around.
You mind?
NERO: No, no, not at all.
It's all good.
I'm Nero.
CLAY: Clay.
You got a nice shop.
NERO: Thanks.
CARLA: This is Gemma's old man.
CLAY: Yeah, and I'm guessing you're the new one.
NERO: Look, I got no idea what your situation is, man.
Just know this right here is not the place to try to work it out.
JUICE: I think we should go.
CLAY: I'm just getting comfortable.
JUICE: Oh.
CLAY: Whoa.
Is she available?
NERO: You really think that's a good idea?
CLAY: Look, friend, I'm just a wounded guy in need of a little comfort.
JUICE: Come on, Clay.
CLAY: Shut up. JUICE: Okay.
(sighs)
NERO: You think he's up to that?
EMMA: Hi, I'm Emma.
JUICE: I don't know.
CARLA: Come on, baby.
It's time to graduate.
JUICE: Really?
CARLA: Really.
NERO: What are you doing?
CARLA: You think you're the only one who gets to play with white trash?
JUICE: Actually, I'm Puerto Rican.
CARLA: Stop talking, honey.
JUICE: Okay.
(buzzer sounds)
SERGEANT: Looks like you two came to a decision.
Which guy goes?
OPIE: We're still working it out.
JAX: We just want to make sure we cover the spread.
SERGEANT: Bad idea.
This is my hell, bitch.
I make the rules.
If you don't pick which guy fights, I will.
(door slams)
OPIE: You all right?
JAX: Yeah.
OPIE: What're you gonna do?
JAX: Pick the guy.
NERO: Excuse me.
Hey.
GEMMA: Where is he?
NERO: You knew he came up?
GEMMA: Well, Carla called.
NERO: Yeah, well, he was just pissing on my shoes.
You know, they already split.
GEMMA: We're not together.
NERO: You're not divorced.
JUICE: Hey.
What are you doing here?
GEMMA: Where is he?
JUICE: Who?
GEMMA: Really?
JUICE: Shit.
NERO: Let's just go upstairs.
GEMMA: You want me kicking in every g*dd*mn door?
Are you kidding?
CARLA: Room three.
EMMA: What's going on?
(Emma screaming)
EMMA: Stop!
Get off me!
(screaming continues)
Get off me!
NERO: Gemma, let go!
Gemma!
GEMMA: Get off me!
JUICE: Okay, okay, okay.
(Emma panting)
What is happening?
(Clay chuckles)
(door slams)
CHIBS: You boys okay?
JAX: Yeah.
TIG: You, uh, you find out what's going on?
JAX: Pope wants one of us d*ad.
CHIBS: Jesus Christ.
TIG: Me.
JAX: No.
No, you, he wants alive and inside.
Forever.
CHIBS: Oh, all right, so... how we handling this, Jackie? Huh?
JAX: I don't give a shit who Pope is or how deep his reach is.
He doesn't make that call.
We decide our fate.
CHIBS: Yeah.
(door opens)
SERGEANT: Am I choosing... or you?
JAX: My call.
OPIE: No.
JAX: No, no!
TIG: Hey, hey!
SERGEANT: You stupid bitch!
Throw him in.
JAX: No! No! No!
(all yelling)
SERGEANT: Get back!
(yelling continues)
Get back!
TIG: All right!
JAX: No! No!
SERGEANT: Let him go.
Keep it interesting, shithead.
JAX: Ope!
OPIE: I got this.
OFFICER: He's all yours.
Come on!
(man groans)
(Opie yells)
(Jax yells, Opie groans)
(Opie panting)
(man grunts)
(Chibs yelling)
(blows landing)
(Chibs continues yelling)
(buzzer sounds)
A man who wants to see you.
You guys are heading back to gen pop.
JAX: I'm getting released... and there's nothing you can do to stop that.
I'll find out who you are and where you live.
And then I'm gonna k*ll you.
(lock buzzes, clicks)
(door opens)
GEMMA: How's the girl?
NERO: Wouldn't talk to me. She took off.
GEMMA: Back to Indiana?
NERO: Another escort service.
Emma's an earner.
GEMMA: I'm sorry.
I lost my shit.
NERO: Maybe you should slow down with that.
GEMMA: You telling me what to do now? NERO: No.
I see what happens when people try to do that.
(Gemma chuckles, slurps drink)
GEMMA: He pissed me off... coming up here.
NERO: The other side of anger.
GEMMA: It ain't love.
I got nothing good left for Clay.
DAMON: Sounds like things went according to plan.
JAX: There's a new plan.
I just watched my best friend get beaten to death... for you.
Now I'm gonna get the club to sign off on your cash, but I need Trager outside.
Him knowing I saved his life gives me an internal advantage I'm gonna need.
And when I'm done... you can send him out the same way you did his kid.
'Cause I really don't give a shit.
There you go.
Finding the hidden advantage in an unfortunate circumstance.
Using pain to take you to the next level.
Those are the things that turn players into kings.
JAX: Yeah, I guess you would know.
DAMON: Yes, I would.
Keep a short leash on Trager.
JAX: And these home invasions gotta stop.
POPE: Not my doing. JAX: The Niners, then.
DAMON: It better not be, but I'll look into it.
JAX: I'd like to call my wife.
Let her know that I'm safe.
DAMON: There you go.
Be smart, Mr. Teller.
It's who you are.
(door closes)
(Abel talking playfully)
(phone ringing)
BOBBY: Want me to get it?
TARA: Nope.
Hello.
Hi.
Are you okay?
(g*n, women scream)
OFFICER: Let me see your hands!
Let me see your hands!
GEMMA: What the hell's going on?!
What are you...?!
OFFICER: Don't move!
NERO: Paramedics for my homey over there, man, huh?
OFFICER 2: Over here.
WOMAN: Hey, why are you doing this? This is not fair!
I didn't do anything!
OFFICER 3: You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say or do... NERO: Hey, hey, that's not necessary, homeboy.
CARLA: It had to be Emma Jean.
This is bullshit.
OFFICER 3: Just put her with the others.
(buzzer sounds)
CHIBS: News travels fast.
TIG: Talk to Pope?
JAX: Give us a minute.
TIG: Yeah, sure.
(Jax whistles)
JAX: The deal is set with Pope.
We'll be out of here tomorrow morning.
Figure out who we owe favors to in here.
And get me some intel on that sergeant in solitary.
CHIBS: Aye.
What about him?
JAX: He goes with us.
CHIBS: How?
JAX: Send him over.
CHIBS: Hey, he wants you.
TIG: I'm sorry, Jax.
I know it should have been me in the box.
JAX: But it wasn't.
I talked to Pope.
The witnesses that put you k*lling his girl go away.
You're coming out with us.
TIG: You got me clear?
JAX: Yes, I did.
TIG: Thank you, man.
JAX: It's not about thanks. From now on, you back my every play. You support all my deals. And you never... vote against me again.
TIG: You got my word, brother. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "05x03 - Laying Pipe"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
JAX: What the hell do you want, man?
DAMON: I know you're not dealing the coke, you're muling it. What's your end?
JAX: - 100 per shipment.
DAMON: Now 50 of that is mine. I need a d*ad Son for the Niner and the cop you k*lled. When that happens, you get out to earn.
SERGEANT: Word from upstairs is one of you four leaves in a bag.
OPIE: I got this.
SERGEANT: We got a little action going, put odds on how long he'll last.
JAX: I'll find out who you are and where you live, and then I'm gonna k*ll you. We never rubbed up against a guy like Pope. I say we agree to his terms. Maybe we can even use this guy to our advantage.
CLAY: What advantage is that? Those home invasions, that's got to be black.
RITA: Eli, is that you? I've got a g*n, and I'm calling 911.
(g*n, screaming)
Shit.
LOWEN: How do you know there's a RICO case against the Sons?
JAX: Otto Delaney turned. Gave up Bobby's involvement as history.
LOWEN: You have to prove Otto's testimony was false.
JAX: Can you get to him?
LOWEN: My association with the club, they won't let me near him.
TARA: I need you to fill out this paperwork.
MARGARET: CDC approval?
TARA: I'm gonna be doing some gratis work at the prison.
GEMMA: I was just telling my daughter how you almost got her husband k*lled today.
(grunting)
TARA: Morning.
GEMMA: Morning.
Sorry, I just, um... I fell asleep on the daybed.
TARA: I passed out on the couch.
Jax put us all to bed.
GEMMA: Hmm.
Where is he?
TARA: Oakland.
Club business.
GEMMA: Hey, baby.
TARA: I have some meetings off-site today.
Want to stop by and check on them?
GEMMA: Okay.
Thanks.
Jesus Christ.
TARA: I know.
Rita's in intensive care.
GEMMA: Who the hell is doing this to us?
JAX: This sheriff already thinks these att*cks are connected to us.
After this, he's gonna have g*ng task force up our ass.
Complicates everything.
DAMON: None of these att*cks are coming out of my camp.
I know that for sure.
JAX: Then I need your help finding out who it is.
I need a name and I need a 20.
'Cause I got to shut this shit down.
DAMON: I'll see what I can find out.
JAX: 50.
Half of our last mule.
DAMON: You're an impressive young man.
JAX: Yeah, I get that a lot.
DAMON: I got a proposal for you and SAMCRO.
JAX: Does it involve children and bonfires?
DAMON: You are currently hauling back 20, 30 keys?
JAX: 30.
DAMON: If you were to double your haul-back, say 60 keys, I could move half of that in a day.
JAX: Where?
DAMON: Reno, parts of Vegas.
I'd have the Niners distribute.
No bigger risk for you.
30, 40, 100 keys, it's all the same tr*ffick charge.
JAX: What's in it for us?
DAMON: I pay you another 100 on top of what the cartel gives you.
We don't take a bite out of any of it.
JAX: I don't know.
My crew wants out of the drug game.
DAMON: What do you want?
Listen, you talk to the cartel, run it past your club.
In the interim, I'll arrange a sit-down with the Mayans, Lin and the Niners.
If you decide it makes sense for SAMCRO, you take the meeting, bring everybody up to speed.
If you pass on the deal, we keep things as is.
Fair enough?
JAX: Yeah.
Okay.
DAMON: I'll also kick back two percent of my profits on the 30 keys to you.
Gentlemen's agreement, just between us.
JAX: You make millions in real estate and other legit trade.
Why do you still risk this shit?
Is it the rush?
DAMON: I'm just a businessman, son.
And my most profitable and most reliable business is narcotics.
Always has been.
I learned how to do it the right way.
With the right people, there is no risk.
You let me know.
UNSER: How's she doing?
ELI: The same.
She fought back.
Gave one of them a pretty good scratch.
UNSER: Good for her.
DNA?
ELI: I sent it to the lab.
UNSER: Got you on mandatory leave.
ELI: Yeah, ten days.
UNSER: Anything I can do?
ELI: I'm not stepping away from this.
UNSER: Understandable.
I-I'm here.
You know, sounding board, whatever.
ELI: You know, this has got to be the East Dub crew hitting me for bringing their guys in.
UNSER: They answer to Damon Pope.
Doubt he'd sign off on hitting a sheriff.
ELI: Then it's the same crew doing the other att*cks.
Retaliation of some sort.
Either way, it's tied to the MC.
UNSER: Yeah.
I'm starting to see that.
DOCTOR: Mr. Roosevelt, may I speak with you?
(sighs)
NURSE: I'm very sorry.
(door closes)
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ a perfect line ♪
♪ on the devil's bed ♪
♪ until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ in the eye ♪
DR. ROSS: I'm very pleased by this, Clay.
Lung is looking very, very good.
O2 levels are in the mid 90s.
You're doing the rehab?
CLAY: Yeah.
Feeling pretty strong.
DR. ROSS: I can see that.
You heal well.
Well, unless you're planning on climbing any mountains, you're not gonna need that anymore.
CLAY: Okay, good.
DR. ROSS: So, keep up with the rehab, no cigars.
I'll see you in two months.
CLAY: Hey, thanks, Doc.
DR. ROSS: You got it.
JUICE: How'd it go?
CLAY: (groans) Not so good.
JUICE: I'm sorry, man.
CLAY: I'll meet you at the van.
JUICE: Sure.
CLAY: Hey.
How's Rita?
(sighs)
UNSER: Didn't make it.
CLAY: Jesus Christ.
UNSER: Yeah.
(groans)
CLAY: Did you talk to Eli?
UNSER: Not since she passed.
CLAY: He busted a bunch of the East Dub Crew yesterday.
Must have been retaliation.
UNSER: They'd be the, uh... obvious suspects.
CLAY: And Pope runs them.
UNSER: That he does.
UNSER: That's what don't make sense to me.
Everybody knows that Pope is tied to the streets, but nobody can touch him because he's too smart.
Attacking a cop's wife, that ain't smart.
CLAY: You got another theory?
UNSER: It feels local to me, you know?
Like someone in Charming, maybe working out a-a personal beef.
Somebody stirring the pot.
Getting folks all scared.
(sighs)
Trying to tear shit up from the inside.
CLAY: You got any proof of that?
UNSER: Not yet.
But it looks like Rita clawed back at one of them.
Sheriffs are running the DNA.
CLAY: Good.
UNSER: Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll keep you posted.
CLAY: Appreciate that.
UNSER: Oh, you check in on Gemma?
I'm guessing this Rita thing has got her shaken up.
CLAY: No, I'll... I'll leave the TLC to you.
UNSER: Right.
(Gemma sighs)
GEMMA: Oh, sh...!
Shit!
(gasping)
How the hell'd you get in here?
CARLA: One of my old skill sets.
GEMMA: What is this?
CARLA: Let's go to your bedroom.
GEMMA: Why?
What do you want?
(line ringing)
CARLA: Walk.
Hey.
Yeah. It's me.
(g*n)
(Gemma gasping)
CARLA: Bedroom.
(chuckles): Yeah, it was.
No, no, no. I'm fine, baby.
Nope.
Just visiting a friend of yours.
JAX: I pressed Pope on these home invasions.
He swears it ain't coming from him.
He's gonna dig into the street, see if he can turn up some new intel, but... - Jax.
You believe this guy?
JAX: Look, we all know who this guy is and what he's capable of.
But what he's doing now suggests he's telling the truth.
HAPPY: Like what, taking half our muling cut?
JAX: Like offering to double it.
Pope can push another 30 keys east through Reno.
We talked to Luis.
Galindo can easily up the supply.
Now, what that means for us is we'll haul 60 keys back from A-Z.
Pope gives us the 50 he was gonna take-- that's another hundred on top.
BOBBY: This guy realizes he can make a lot more money if we're an ally.
CLAY: You know... I've seen guys like Damon Pope before; I know how they operate.
They make you offers too good to pass up, they line your pockets with easy cash, and before you know it you're wearing shackles, calling him Massa.
JAX: My club is never gonna be anyone's boy.
JUICE: Clay's right, man.
This shit gets us deeper.
JAX: We're getting out of the coke haul.
That's a promise.
But for now, for me, this makes sense.
Let's vote it.
Everyone in favor.
Yea.
BOBBY: Yea.
JUICE: No.
GOGO: No.
PHIL: Yea.
GREG: No.
CLAY: I'm sorry, man, it's a mistake. No.
FRANKIE: Nah.
HAPPY: Yeah.
TIG: Yea.
CHIBS: Aye.
JAX: Six-five.
Passes.
JUICE: You heading to the garage?
CLAY: Yeah.
BOBBY: Close vote.
JAX: Yeah.
BOBBY: Table's dividing.
JAX: I know.
BOBBY: Yeah.
You hear from Tara?
JAX: Not yet.
Well, it's a... it's a simple, uh, system.
The inmates fill out requests and we screen 'em and you treat
'em, as best you can.
Okay, so you give Bucky the form, and then he brings you the patient.
Course, anybody makes you uncomfortable, he's just right outside the door.
TARA: I think I got it. Thanks.
Good, good.
(door buzzes)
(door closes)
UNSER: You got to be shittin' me.
g*dd*mn it.
NERO: Gemma?
CARLA: Back here.
GEMMA: That's who you called?
CARLA: Thought you'd be pleased.
NERO (calls): Gemma?
(sighs) Jesus Christ.
You okay?
CARLA: She's fine.
(Spanish) Are you trying to piss me off?
CARLA: English, baby.
I don't want her to miss anything.
NERO: Come on, Carla.
CARLA: Just stop.
NERO: You gonna use that on me?
CARLA: Get undressed.
NERO (laughs): Wh-What?
CARLA: Naked.
In the bed.
Both of you.
GEMMA: You are out of your g*dd*mn head.
CARLA: - Do it! NERO: - No!
(Gemma gasping)
CARLA: Do it, sweet brother, or I'm gonna k*ll her.
NERO: All right, all right, all right.
Easy, easy.
Easy, Carla.
CARLA: Turn around.
(Nero panting)
Get in bed.
JAX: Pope and the Sons have settled their differences.
We're good with the Niners again.
ALVAREZ: Yeah, I heard about the shift in management.
LIN: We here for a group hug?
JAX: Maybe.
Pope wants us to double the haul back-- 60 keys.
He's gonna push 30 east through Reno.
Stays clear to Oakland.
ALVAREZ: Niners are in bed with Pope.
How do I know his end don't flood my turf?
TYLER: 'Cause we ain't looking for beefs.
We'll step and bag it, run it outside, the same way you do up north.
JAX: Nothing changes in Oakland.
Your g*n deals and action stay the same.
ALVAREZ: And I'm supposed to just trust that shit?
JAX: This came straight from Pope.
Look, anything goes wrong, I'll squash it.
LIN: Oh, you'll squash it?
The MC running with Pope's h*t squad now?
JAX: No, I'm taking responsibility.
We got to think outside the hood, boys.
Staying in Pope's sunshine is good for all of us.
ALVAREZ: You clear this with Romeo?
JAX: Luis. He's good.
Cartel likes the idea of being in business with Pope.
Lot of shit happening with you at the head of the table, ese.
JAX: I inherited this shit.
ALVAREZ: Keep black in line... we're good.
LIN: Yeah, I'm good.
TYLER: Like I got a choice, man.
JAX: All right.
Hey, let's do this more often.
I miss you guys.
Let's roll. - Vamos.
Come on.
You got my name and address?
AUGUST: Yeah.
But not the one you asked for.
Can't shake nothing lose from the home invasions.
Street don't know shit.
BOBBY: Then what is that?
AUGUST: Mr. Pope thought this might buy some goodwill.
Prove his intentions are above board and looking forward.
JAX: How do I know this is the right place?
(music blaring)
JAX: Shit.
AUGUST: No children.
Wife works till 6:00.
There's a chicken place around the corner.
Your crew can meet you there.
JAX: Call Tig.
Have him bring the wagon.
(phone beeps)
NERO: Now what?
CARLA: Get him hard.
GEMMA: What?
CARLA: Suck his dick.
GEMMA: Jesus Christ.
NERO: Carla... easy, easy, easy.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
GEMMA: All right.
(Gemma sobs quietly)
(loud sobbing)
NERO: I'm not doing it.
I'm not doing it.
I'm not doing it!
CARLA: Get back in bed.
(Spanish) You wanna k*ll me? Do it.
Go ahead.
(Spanish) But I'm not gonna let you humillate her. Neither her nor me.
(Spanish) So, go ahead, come on, sh**t.
Go ahead, Carla.
No. Go ahead. Come on.
Come on, do it.
Yeah, do it! Do it!
CARLA: I'm sorry, I just wanted to go out watching you do your thing.
NERO: No, no, no, no! (g*n, Gemma screams)
Oh...! No!
(sobbing): No, no, no...
(Gemma gasping)
(Spanish) Sweet mother of God, forgive her.
(Spanish) Forgive her and take her with you.
(Spanish) Take her in your arms and take her away.
GEMMA: She called you
"sweet brother."
Who was she?
NERO: She was just... a half sister.
I found her down in Berdoo.
Put her in rehab, got her on the right meds.
Carla was the one that helped me.
She helped me turn legit.
GEMMA: Guess she was in love with you.
NERO (quietly): Yeah.
(laughs): And the sister thing made that a little messy.
GEMMA: Yeah.
Yeah, I can see that.
NERO: Okay, so all this stuff with you stirred it up, and, uh... she stopped taking her meds, huh?
GEMMA: Oh, man.
I'm sorry.
NERO: Oh.
I don't... I don't know.
I don't know what to do here.
GEMMA: No cops.
Only complicates shit.
She have any other family?
NERO: No, no, no f... No family.
GEMMA: All right, then we do it off the books.
NERO: Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
GEMMA: All right, now, go and... you make sure your other girls are in one piece. I'll take care of her.
GEMMA: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Come on. It's gonna be okay.
NERO: - Thank you.
GEMMA: - Yeah. Hmm.
(indistinct radio communication)
(phone buzzing)
Hi, this is Wayne, you know what to do.
(sighs)
GEMMA: Hope you're happy, bitch.
(sighs)
(keypad beeps)
(music blaring)
(door bangs open)
CHIBS: Hey, shit bag.
SERGEANT: Shit! Oh.
CHIBS: Don't!
JAX: Remember me? I keep my promises.
(g*n cocks)
WOMAN: Get out of my house!
(woman yells)
(groans and grunts)
(Sergeant grunts)
JAX: Let's tie this prick up.
CHIBS: Come here, you prick.
(Sergeant groans)
(muffled groaning)
CHIBS: Let's go!
(woman moans)
(woman groans)
(crying)
BOBBY: This one's a problem.
TIG: No, she's not.
CHIBS: The hell you doing?
BOBBY: Jesus Christ, Tig.
(Sergeant weeps)
JAX: She's collateral damage.
Ope's m*rder.
(Sergeant sobs)
BOBBY: Yeah. What about him?
JAX: Find a pipe.
OTTO: I told the guard, I don't need med care.
TARA: I know.
My name is Tara Knowles, Otto.
My husband is Jax Teller.
OTTO: I remember you.
TARA: The Feds won't let the club see you.
I volunteered here because I have some things I need to tell you.
OTTO: Things?
TARA: The club didn't betray you.
What Bobby told you was the truth.
OTTO: Yeah?
TARA: - Otto...
No, I'm done with this shit.
What happened to Bobby is on Bobby.
I'm d*ad soon, Doc.
Just leave me alone.
TARA: Bobby got out.
Feds have stalled the RICO case.
Jax and Bobby are the only ones who know about it.
Feds need you, Otto.
Your execution stalls with the case.
It could be years.
Jax knows you're angry, but the club needs you to reverse your testimony.
This RICO case will k*ll SAMCRO.
Anything you want, anything you need, they'll try and make it happen.
OTTO: Uh.
And they're gonna do that through you?
TARA: Yes.
OTTO: Get on your knees.
TARA: What?
OTTO: You said anything I want, so... get on your knees.
TARA: I'm not going to do that.
OTTO: Me, either.
No more visits, Doc.
Do not make me do something horrible.
(knocking)
CLAY: Jesus Christ.
You know why she did this?
GEMMA: Not really.
CLAY: You and Nero?
Was he here?
GEMMA: That doesn't matter.
CLAY: Yeah, you're right.
(groans)
GEMMA: Look, I'm sorry.
I, uh... I didn't know who else to call.
I don't want the club to know.
It's been a little rough with me and Tara.
Jax, too.
I-I just don't want him to find out.
CLAY: No, no, I get it.
Um... I'm gonna need a little help.
I trust Juice.
He won't say anything.
GEMMA: Okay.
Uh, I'm supposed to, um, go see the kids in day care.
CLAY: No, go ahead.
I'll handle this.
GEMMA: You sure?
Thanks.
CLAY: Hey, you mind if I, uh, come by later, check in on you?
I can do a sweep for crazy bitches.
GEMMA: Yeah, you can come by.
TIG: No pipe, but I found these.
JAX: Small world.
TIG: Yeah, it is.
JAX: Take his gag off.
(gasps, panting)
SERGEANT: Anyone figures out this was you guys, you know what happens next time you're inside?
JAX: You wager how long it takes to k*ll one of us?
SERGEANT: Please.
I'm sorry about your friend.
I was told to do it.
It wasn't my call.
JAX: Don't pass the buck, man.
That's weak.
I want to hear how sorry you are.
SERGEANT: I am sorry.
(crying): Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
Please.
I'll do anything you want.
Help anyone inside.
Please!
JAX: I'm still not feeling it.
(sobbing)
BOBBY: We doing this?
I got this.
(snow globe plays lilting tune)
(Sergeant whimpering)
(Sergeant grunts)
CHIBS: Jackie.
Jackie. Come on.
Come on.
(lilting tune continues)
BOBBY: It's done.
TIG: I figured I'd drop the bodies in Chigger Woods.
CHIBS: Aye, good, but you'll need Happy.
BOBBY: And Phil.
They get hikers up through there.
You got to put 'em in deep.
TIG: I will.
CHIBS: Hey.
You okay?
TIG: Yeah.
I am.
That was really good for me.
Hey.
(phone keypad beeps)
(ring tone plays)
GEMMA: Up high.
Down low.
Oh, up too slow.
Up high. There you go.
Uh, down low.
TARA: Hey.
GEMMA: - Hi. TARA (laughing): - Hi.
You.
Thomas asleep?
GEMMA: He went down right after he ate.
How did your meetings go?
TARA: Oh. Boring.
Pointless, actually.
GEMMA: Yeah.
That kind of day.
TARA: Mm.
GEMMA: Well, I got someone, uh, cleaning rugs at the house.
See you.
Bye.
GEMMA: Hey, bye, babe.
Good to see you.
See you later.
TARA: Thanks for doing this.
GEMMA: Yeah, anytime.
(Tara sighs)
POPE: Settled your score?
JAX: Yeah.
POPE: And you still think I'm responsible for the att*cks in Charming?
JAX: I don't know.
I'm trying to put together another scenario that makes sense.
JAX: Your deal's a go.
The club and the cartel signed off.
POPE: Good.
Glad it all worked out.
JAX: Next mule is in a week.
We'll start then.
POPE: Look inside.
Close the door.
These att*cks... friends, family, now cops.
All that blowback lands in your lap.
Somebody's trying to compromise you.
JAX: So trust no one.
POPE: Loyalty has contingencies.
Look, you know what happens if I take a b*llet?
JAX: Yeah.
Your h*t squad settles the score.
POPE: Independent security contractors.
First one who kills my k*ller gets five million dollars.
Fear protects me.
Greed ensures it.
JAX: Well, the next time I have a spare five mill, I'll hire myself some assassins.
POPE: You don't need money, Jackson.
Just the ability to see the inevitable.
POPE: Have a good night.
GEMMA: Hey, I tried calling you.
UNSER: Oh, yeah?
What do you need now?
GEMMA: Nothing.
I was just, uh, I was just checking in.
UNSER: I guess you heard about Rita?
GEMMA: Yeah.
Crazy shit.
UNSER: That it is.
I got to... check on Eli.
GEMMA: Where's he land with this?
UNSER: He lands with a d*ad wife.
GEMMA: Hey.
What's going on with you?
UNSER: This Nero guy... what the hell is it?
GEMMA: He's a friend.
UNSER: (scoffs) I see.
A friend.
Am I a friend, Gemma?
GEMMA: Yeah.
UNSER: Same kind of friend?
GEMMA: Oh, Christ.
I can't do this right now.
UNSER: And when should we do this, Gemma? Huh?
Next time you kiss me?
GEMMA: Look, I'm sorry, Wayne.
I love you, sweetheart.
But you got to trust me, if we hooked up right now, it would just ruin us.
UNSER: There ain't no us, Gemma.
And you got no friends.
You just got people that would do shit for you.
And then you throw the poor suckers a smile and a promise to keep 'em coming back.
GEMMA: All right.
I get it.
You're pissed.
UNSER: It ain't just me.
Open your eyes, mother.
Everybody knows who you are.
Jax and Tara, they ain't ever gonna let you do to... to their family what you did to JT and your own boys.
You better wrap your head around that fact.
'Cause you're gonna die alone.
Just like me.
ELI: Pull over!
I said, pull over!
JAX: - Bobby! CHIBS: - Bobby!
JAX: Bobby.
JAX: You good?
CHIBS: - What the hell... BOBBY: - Yes.
CHIBS: - Eli. BOBBY: - Oh, you!
CHIBS: What is your problem, you doony bastard.
JAX: Oh, nice.
CHIBS: Really? Come on here.
(all yelling)
BOBBY: Help me bend these bars back.
JAX: That was some outlaw shit, man.
I'm sorry about your wife.
ELI: It's tied to you guys.
I know it is.
JAX: Look, man, no one wants these att*cks to end more than me.
If SAMCRO takes the heat, all of this shit lands in my lap.
ELI: Well, you reap what you sow.
ELI: I'm gonna crush your club.
JAX: I just had a conversation with Damon Pope.
He assures me these att*cks aren't him.
Which means we ain't the cause.
ELI: Now why would you be sitting down with Pope?
JAX: Let's just say we've reached an understanding.
One that stops getting people k*lled.
Why don't we consider the same thing?
Help each other find these scumbags that are sh1tting on our town.
ELI: First Unser, now the MC.
Just a few brothers working together.
JAX: I can't imagine how much pain you're in right now, but we ain't the cause.
Please let me know if I can help.
And don't do this again.
CLAY: Hey, Gemma?
(knocking on door)
NERO: Gemma?
CLAY: She ain't here.
NERO: Okay.
Well, you see her, uh... tell her I came by.
CLAY: I cleaned things up.
Your girl... she's being cremated.
I'll get you the ashes, you want to do something with them.
NERO: Yeah.
I appreciate that.
CLAY: This thing... with Gemma... is it going anywhere?
NERO: Come on, man.
I'm not gonna answer that.
CLAY: Man to man, just tell me.
NERO: I don't know.
That's the truth.
♪
♪
(door opens)
JAX: Hey.
TARA: Hi.
JAX: Did you get my messages?
TARA: Yeah, I'm sorry.
I had to rush home for the boys.
JAX: How'd it go?
Did you see Otto?
TARA: No.
I put in a request, but they were backlogged.
I'm back next week.
JAX: Babe, you don't have to do this.
TARA: I'm the only way to get to Otto.
I can do this.
I promise.
BOBBY: We know you can, darling.
TARA: How was Oakland?
JAX: Fine.
We're working things out with Pope.
He's not behind these att*cks.
Otherwise, it's a pretty quiet day.
BOBBY: Yep. Real quiet.
TARA: That's nice for a change.
JAX: Yeah. I'm gonna kiss the boys good night.
Then we got to close up the garage.
TARA: Okay.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: Hey...
Let's go up to the cabin for a couple of days.
Decompress.
TARA: Yeah.
Um, I have some things tomorrow, but after that I'm, I'm good.
JAX: All right. Let's go tomorrow then, after work.
TARA: What about the boys?
Bring them with us?
JAX: Just the two of us.
TARA: Who's gonna watch them?
WARREN: Mind if I have seat?
GEMMA: Mind if I don't give a shit?
WARREN: My therapist warned me about this.
My insatiable attraction to older, abusive women.
GEMMA: Who's your mommy?
WARREN: Exactly.
Can I buy you a drink... mom?
GEMMA: Why not?
JUICE: You need anything?
CLAY: I'm fine.
You did good today, Juicy.
JUICE: Thanks.
CLAY: Night.
JUICE: Night.
(starts engine)
GREG: Sorry, man.
We didn't know that she was... CLAY: - Idiots!
You weren't supposed to k*ll her! | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "05x06 - Small World"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
NERO: Caracara?
JAX: Yeah, it's the p*rn biz we used to handle. Girls on that list, they need a booker. Diosa Norte.
NERO: Okay.
OTTO: I remember you.
TARA: I volunteered here because I have some things I need to tell you. The club didn't betray you. This RICO case will k*ll SAMCRO. Anything you need, they'll try and make it happen.
OTTO: Get on your knees.
TARA: - I'm not gonna do that. OTTO: - Me either.
JAX: Let's go up to the cabin for a couple of days, just the two of us.
TARA: What about the boys? Who's gonna watch 'em?
GEMMA: I love you, sweetheart. If we hooked up right now, it'd just ruin us.
UNSER: There ain't no "us," Gemma! And you got no friends. Open your eyes, mother. Everybody knows who you are.
WARREN: - Can I buy you a drink?
GEMMA: - Why not?
CLAY: - How's Rita?
Didn't make it.
It looks like Rita clawed back at one of 'em.
Sheriffs are running the DNA.
It feels local.
Someone trying to tear shit up from the inside.
CLAY: You weren't supposed to k*ll her!
♪ ♪
CLAY: Sheriff's got skin from her fingernails.
You're in the system.
FRANKIE: Can't convict on just DNA.
CLAY: His skin comes back a match, m*rder blows back on all of us.
GREG: So what do we do?
CLAY: Unser's all over this shit.
GOGO: What, the ex-cop?
CLAY: Ain't no such thing as an ex-cop.
He knows these att*cks are coming from the inside.
FRANKIE: Why does he give a shit?
CLAY: It's personal.
Look... you guys are gonna have to get out of town.
Leave Charming for a few weeks.
FRANKIE: And what happens with our deal?
We get you back at the head of the table and we get a piece of your end.
GOGO: g*n, drugs, all of it, man.
You promised us.
CLAY: These break-ins were supposed to put pressure on Jax, not a homicide investigation on me.
GOGO: Shit, we didn't wanna h*t the cop.
You're the one that sent us... CLAY: - You k*lled her!
GREG: - It was an accident! CLAY: - Tell that to the DA!
(glass breaks, pan clangs)
(cars passing by outside)
(motorcycles approach)
JAX: You're a hard man to find.
BOBBY: Can we talk?
UNSER: Trouble?
JAX: Not sure.
What happened to your land?
UNSER: Sold it to the county.
Cancer ain't cheap.
Providing overnight security services to my former business establishment... exchange for their, uh... lovely setting.
JAX: They give you a badge?
(Bobby laughs)
UNSER: What's on your mind, son?
JAX: I just talked to Eli.
I need to know everything you got on these home invasions.
UNSER: It ain't much.
Just a few leftover bruises and a feeling.
BOBBY: That feeling got a name?
UNSER: Come on.
JAX: You've been busy.
UNSER: It's good to have a hobby.
JAX: How is it us?
BOBBY: We ain't trying to jam you up.
JAX: If it is SAMCRO, it wasn't a club call.
We just want to know who you're looking at.
(Unser sighs)
UNSER: I've been digging into the three hits on the club, including mine.
They hardly took anything.
Just trashed the place, threw a b*at-down and split.
That ain't a robbery.
That's a message.
JAX: What about Roosevelt?
UNSER: That one was a mistake.
They underestimated the wife of a cop.
JAX: Pope would be the obvious fall guy for all of this.
UNSER: It wasn't black that jumped me.
Who has something to gain by making the club look weak?
Turning the town and the sheriffs against them?
Suddenly the pretty guy they gave the gavel to, he ain't looking all that smart.
JAX: Who does it for him?
UNSER: - Who's new? JAX: - Nomads.
BOBBY: Look, man, we better have some proof before we start throwing brothers in the mix.
UNSER: Rita got a good scratch into one of 'em.
DNA comes back conclusive, we don't need a mix.
JAX: The Nomads are staying at Lowell's old place on Bethel.
Why don't you stop by, tell 'em you're a friend of the club, just giving an introduction.
Feel those guys out a little bit.
UNSER: What about Clay?
JAX: Clay's my problem.
Clay takes back the gavel.
He keeps the drugs, the g*n, the cash flowing.
Cleans up before he steps away.
It's always been his retirement plan.
It still is.
GEMMA: Oh, shit!
Where's my wallet?
(engine starts)
g*dd*mn it!
Shit!
No!
No, you son of a bitch!
Ugh!
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
JAX: Where you taking it?
FRANKIE: Hey. We're going up north to the Easy Rider bike shows.
Do 'em every year.
JAX: Right on.
How long you gone? FRANKIE: - Couple weeks.
I gave Juice my proxy info.
All my dues are square.
JAX: It's probably a good time to split, all this heat... home invasions, d*ad wives.
Charming's become a very messy place since you guys showed up.
FRANKIE: Yeah.
JAX: Where are Greg and Gogo?
FRANKIE: Not sure.
JAX: Hey... you should stay in touch.
See, I'm real close to figuring out who's behind these att*cks.
When I know, I need everyone's input, how we hurt the guys responsible.
FRANKIE: Whatever you need, brother, I'm there.
JAX: Absolutely.
UNSER: Morning.
GREG: Hey.
UNSER: Wayne Unser.
I don't believe we formally met.
GREG: It's Greg.
What are you doing here, man?
UNSER: Friend of the club, just wanted to stop by and make an introduction.
GREG: Well, I gotta get this done, so...
UNSER: Don't let me stop you.
The other fellas around?
GREG: Dude, it's not a good time, all right?
We got shit to do.
UNSER: Oh, here you go. Oh, hey, morning. Wayne Unser.
GOGO: What's going on?
UNSER: I was telling Greg I just wanted to come by and say hello.
GOGO: Yeah, well, we're in the middle of something.
UNSER: Oh.
Hey, you get into it with one one of them crow-eaters?
GOGO: What?
UNSER: Scratches on your chest there.
GOGO: Yeah, my girl likes it a little rough.
UNSER: Oh, I guess so.
Where you fellas headed?
GOGO: You know, you ask a lot of questions for a guy who's just here to say hello.
UNSER: Oh, that's in my nature.
Sometimes I forget I'm retired.
GOGO: Yeah, well... maybe you should remember that.
Greg, let's go.
UNSER: Hey, nice meeting you.
Have a good run.
JAX: - Hey, darling. - Hey.
Hey. - Hey, I was just showing the guys around.
CHIBS: Jackie boy, this place is fantastic!
TIG: I'm so excited.
JAX: Are you doing good?
LYLA: Yeah.
Nero's a good guy.
JAX: Hey!
NERO: Morning.
JAX: Looks like Lyla's working out, huh?
NERO: Oh, yeah, she's great.
BOBBY: Any flack from Carla?
NERO: No.
I'm pretty sure she's moved on.
I just got a call from that other crazy chick in our lives.
JAX: Shit. What now?
BOBBY: Well, we'll see if the manager saw anything.
NERO: The Armenians run the chop shops around here, so I got my guys looking for the SUV.
GEMMA: If I wanted them to come, I would've called them.
JAX: What the hell happened?
GEMMA: I crashed here last night and someone stole my Caddy.
JAX: Someone?
Since when do you drink banana vodka?
NERO: What happened?
GEMMA: I, um... woke up to take a piss, and, uh... he stole my wallet and my SUV.
I don't remember his name.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
Who are you?
GEMMA: This is why I called you
'cause I don't need that shit.
Okay.
JAX: I'm sorry you got pulled into this.
She's a g*dd*mn train wreck.
NERO: She's still your mother, ese.
Respect that.
NERO: You know, she's caught between a husband she hates and a kid she thinks hates her.
Women like your mom, Jax-- they don't do so good without family.
(cell phone ringing) Hmm?
Go easy.
(Spanish) What's up?
TIG: Jax.
Clerk didn't remember nothing.
He said that whoever stayed in that room paid cash for it.
NERO: Hey, listen.
My guys-- they found the Escalade.
And the dude is there.
BOBBY: Go.
I'll get her home.
CLAY: Sorry.
I didn't know anybody was in here.
(sighs)
Otto, huh?
We're gonna have to say something to each other sooner or later. TARA: - No, we won't.
CLAY: Jax should've k*lled me.
You and I both know I'm living on borrowed time.
TARA: What? Now I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?
CLAY: No, you're supposed to hate me.
Like you do.
TARA: You're not on borrowed time.
To me, you're already d*ad.
Stay away.
(sighs)
JUICE: What happened, Clay?
What'd you do to her?
CLAY: Same thing I always do.
What do you want?
JUICE: Greg the Peg just called looking for you.
Sounded important.
CLAY (sighs): Shit.
RENALDO: He showed up an hour ago with the Escalade.
VARGOS: He's part of a crew.
Scams older broads, jacks their shit.
Cocky prick.
NERO: So this may go hard, eh?
VARGOS: No worries.
Just don't do it here, huh?
FIASCO: That's him.
Hey, hey!
CHIBS: Out front.
♪
♪
Shit!
(tires screeching)
Hey!
(tires screeching)
Get out of the way!
♪
♪
(g*n clicking empty)
(tires screeching)
CHIBS: - Hey, hey, Jax! JAX: - This piece of shit!
NERO: You want to be on the 5:00 news?
Take what's yours.
Let's get out of here.
JAX: I should k*ll you for what you did to my mother.
WARREN: That makes sense.
But you're not gonna do that, right?
JAX: Not today.
Check his pockets.
WARREN: What?
That's, like, that's, like, 3K, man.
JAX: Good.
WARREN: Which is fair.
So just call it even?
NERO: No, we won't.
WARREN: Well, I guess I'm walking.
CLAY: What the hell's going on? I thought I told you to split.
GREG: Yeah, we tried.
Unser came by the house this morning, spotted Gogo.
Saw the scratches.
CLAY: Shit!
GREG: Yeah, that ain't it.
Jax rattled Frankie, man.
He and Unser both know we did the break-ins.
They're coming after us.
CLAY: Where are the others?
GREG: They're spun out, Clay.
Frankie and Gogo-- they're talking about k*lling Unser.
It's all turned to shit, man.
I don't know what to do.
CLAY: They're right.
Unser's got to go. He's on to me, too.
You go to Frankie and Gogo, tell them I came to you, made the request.
I want the three of you to meet me in two hours at his Airstream.
Back of Unser's Trucking.
I'll get there first.
Make sure all the w*apon are out of reach.
Don't be late.
GREG: Clay.
What are we gonna do?
CLAY: You're gonna put on your masks... you're gonna break in... and you're gonna k*ll him.
TARA: I just want to have something when I see him.
Some kind of, you know, peace offering or personal thing.
Something that reminds him of what he used to love.
BOBBY: Well, Otto ain't gonna want to look at pictures of us.
Bring him shit that reminds him of Luann.
That'll get you closer.
TARA: Where can I get more on her?
BOBBY: Gemma. They were best friends.
TARA: Mm.
GEMMA: - Oh, hey. TARA: - Hey.
GEMMA: - You talk to Jax? TARA: - About what?
GEMMA: Um... my SUV got stolen.
TARA: Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
GEMMA: Yeah.
TARA: Can I ask you about Luann Delaney?
GEMMA: What about her?
TARA: Jax is putting together a care package for Otto, and I was thinking it might be nice to include something that reminded him of Luann.
GEMMA: Oh, that's sweet.
Well, he-he liked to watch her movies.
But I'm guessing they're not gonna let you bring a stack of old videotapes in there.
TARA: Probably not.
GEMMA: Perfume.
Otto loved that g*dd*mn perfume.
Smelled like cum and patchouli.
(chuckles): It was godawful.
But he wouldn't let her wear anything else.
It came in a blue bottle.
It's like Blue Roses, Blue Violet, something like that.
(motorcycles approaching)
GEMMA: Thank you.
NERO: We, uh, got to get back to work. We open shop in two days.
JAX: - Hey, thanks, brother. NERO: - No problem, man.
TARA: How'd you get her SUV back?
JAX: Friends. You ready to go?
TARA: Pretty much. I packed our bags. I just need to go by Saint Thomas and change a few appointments, pick up the boys.
JAX: All right, great. I'll meet you back here.
TARA: Mm-hmm.
(sighs)
GEMMA: I'm sorry I embarrassed you.
JAX: It's okay. You and Tara... that's all gonna get worked out.
GEMMA: I know.
JAX: What's going on with you, Mom?
(sighs)
GEMMA: After my Thomas died, I did the worst thing a mother could do.
I...
I made you make up for the love that he couldn't give me anymore.
I'm sorry, Jackson.
I'm sorry that I've always been too much.
JAX: You know when he died, I felt so bad.
GEMMA: I know, baby.
JAX: It wasn't because he was d*ad.
It's because I would have you all to myself.
And I knew how wrong that was.
I love you, Mom.
And we're get through all this.
I promise.
Come here.
(sobbing)
JAX: It's all right.
CLAY: Hey.
Just call me and let me know.
JUICE: All right.
(engine starting)
UNSER: What's going on?
CLAY: We should talk.
Can I come in?
UNSER: You ain't gonna like what I've done to the place.
CLAY: Never have.
UNSER: What do you want?
CLAY: Guess I earned that level of trust.
UNSER: Yeah, you did.
Sorry.
CLAY: Me too.
(groans)
CLAY: I've made a lot of mistakes, Wayne.
Nobody's seen more of them than you.
UNSER: If this is a confessional, maybe you should let me turn on a recorder.
CLAY: You know, I miss Chief Unser.
Oswald is gonna b*at Hale in the next election.
He's already talking about reinstating Charming PD.
Wouldn't it be nice to see you come out of retirement.
UNSER: That's a noble plan, but I suspect I'll be d*ad in a year.
Is this what you've come to talk about?
CLAY: You were right.
These home invasions-- they're an inside job.
Nomads.
UNSER: And how do you know about that?
(phone ringing)
CLAY: Yeah?
JUICE: They're pulling up already.
CLAY: Okay, thanks.
JUICE: What should I do?
CLAY: Just head back to TM.
JUICE: Clay, what's going on?
(snaps phone shut)
(engine starting)
CLAY: That thing loaded?
UNSER: Yeah, why?
(sighs)
CLAY: You were a good friend, Wayne.
I'm sorry I wrecked that too.
(door opens)
(g*n)
GREG: Oh, shit. (g*n)
UNSER: Jesus Christ.
How did you know they would show up here?
CLAY: After we talked in the hospital, I started digging into them.
They were already on to your suspicions.
So when I saw them skipping town, I figured... this might be a stop.
UNSER: These two and the other one, they, uh, they ain't the brightest trio in the choir.
Someone else had to be calling the sh*ts.
CLAY: I wasn't trying to sabotage Jax.
You think I would've stopped them from bl*wing your head off?
UNSER: Maybe sentimentality got the best of you.
CLAY: Ain't my nature.
UNSER: No.
I guess not.
See, y-you being here is just gonna complicate shit.
You should split.
CLAY: What about them?
UNSER: I'll let the sheriffs handle it.
I'll keep you out of the mix, Clay, but these two are part of a m*rder investigation.
It could land hard on the club.
CLAY: He's got a nine-mil slug in his head.
(g*n)
UNSER: I put a nine in his skull
'cause he kept coming at me.
CLAY: Okay.
Watch your back, Wayne.
There's still one of them out there.
(door opens)
UNSER: Yeah.
I'm watching.
BOBBY: Unser spotted some gnarly scratches on Gogo's chest.
JAX: Shit.
Rita.
BOBBY: Got to be why he and Greg were heading out of town, just like Frankie.
JAX: Let's call Quinn.
We got to find out everything we can about these Nomads.
(door opens)
JAX: What?
GEMMA: Unser just called.
Greg and Gogo tried to k*ll him.
He sh*t them both.
They're d*ad.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
When?
CHIBS: Just happened.
JAX: What about Frankie?
TIG: Wasn't there.
GEMMA: Sheriff's on his way.
Wayne sounded real bad.
I'm gonna head over.
JAX: Yeah, okay.
CHIBS: Why the hell would the Nomads try and k*ll Unser?
JAX: Unser's been digging into these home invasions.
He thinks they might be internal.
BOBBY: Maybe he was getting a little too close.
PHIL: You think the Nomads were the ones doing the att*cks?
HAPPY: That makes no sense.
BOBBY: It does if you're trying to compromise the club and bring a shitload of heat to our front door.
CHIBS: The Nomads are on someone's payroll.
TIG: Pope.
JAX: I'm not sure.
BOBBY: There's still one more out there.
JAX: We track down Frankie, maybe we get the truth.
TIG: All right.
UNSER: Uh, excuse me.
GEMMA: You okay?
UNSER: Yeah.
You didn't have to come.
I'm fine.
GEMMA: Can we sit and have a smoke?
UNSER: Yeah, sure.
(engine starting)
GEMMA: They didn't say anything?
UNSER: Nope.
Just busted in, masks, g*n out.
I been keeping the double barrel close since the b*at-down.
GEMMA: Shit.
This is bad, Wayne.
Whatever it is... it's really bad.
UNSER: Yeah. I know, sweetheart.
Listen... the shit I said the other day...
GEMMA: You were pissed.
Saw that guy heading into your house, guess I was just feeling like... GEMMA: - Too many people feeling shit.
That's the problem.
What you said was the truth.
More people would do that, there'd be less bodies lying on the floors.
Don't do it again.
JAX: - Oh, shit. BOBBY: - What?
JAX: Tara and I are supposed to go up to the cabin for a few days.
BOBBY: That's not a bad idea.
Sheriffs are gonna be all over us.
Maybe you could run things from the cabin till this cools off.
JAX: Yeah, okay.
(growling)
Hey. TARA: - Hey.
Elyda bailed on us again.
Something about her mom.
I have a call to a pediatrics nurse that I trust.
I'm sorry, baby.
JAX: Why don't we let Gemma stay stay with them?
Come on, babe.
We got to cut her some slack.
(Tara sighs)
TARA: Okay.
Yeah.
Where is she?
JAX: She went to see Unser.
You should give her a call.
Thank you.
I got some shit to handle here.
It's gonna be a while before we can leave.
TARA: Let me head up.
Gemma can pick up the boys here.
I'll make some dinner, air the place out.
JAX: That'd be great.
I want Tig to ride up with you.
TIG: Yeah.
TARA: Really?
TIG: Oh, come on. I mean, what if there's snakes in the cabinets, grizzlies under the bed?
TARA: Right. (snorts)
I love you.
Hurry up.
JAX: Yes, ma'am.
Tiggy, eyes open.
TIG: Nothing touches her, boss.
(growls)
JAX: Why don't you give me the night with Tara?
I'll tell her what's going on.
You guys can come up tomorrow.
CHIBS: Cool.
JAX: Gemma will be by later, pick up the boys.
Need you with me.
CHIBS: Where are we going?
JAX: Check on a sick friend.
(phone rings)
GEMMA: Everything okay?
TARA: Yeah. I was wondering if you could watch the boys while Jax and I are at the cabin.
Elyda's mom is sick again.
GEMMA: Well, yeah.
Yeah, sure, of course.
Uh, where are they?
TARA: At the clubhouse.
You can pick them up here.
There's plenty of milk pumped in the fridge.
GEMMA: Yeah, okay.
TARA: I'm trusting you'll be safe with them, Gemma.
GEMMA: Always.
TARA: Okay. We'll check in tomorrow.
GEMMA: Yeah, okay.
WARREN: Hey, thanks for driving.
WOMAN: Sure, any time.
(woman giggles)
NERO: Hey.
WARREN: What are you doing here?
NERO: I'm sorry to startle you, ma'am, but you should get home to your family, I need to talk to your friend.
WARREN: Come on, man.
NERO: Hey, go home!
WARREN: So what now?
(Warren grunting)
NERO: Now we call it even.
(knocking)
JUICE: You knew Unser was on to the Nomads.
CLAY: Just giving an old friend a heads-up.
HOBBS: Did you k*ll Greg and Gogo?
CLAY: The Nomads are working for somebody else.
They ain't members. They're traitors.
JUICE: Jesus Christ, Clay, you gotta tell the club.
(motorcycles approach)
CLAY: I got a feeling they might already know.
Hey, Juicy... I'm sorry I dragged you into this.
(knocking)
JAX: - I need a minute. CHIBS: - Let's go, Juicy.
JAX: No O2?
You must be breathing a little easier.
CLAY: Yeah.
That coffee's almost ready.
JAX: It's not gonna take that long.
You're using the Nomads to undermine my leadership.
You're the one behind these home invasions.
(Clay scoffs)
Now it's backfired.
CLAY: I know you think I'm the devil, son... and you got every right to assume that I'd be the one setting f*re to your table.
But...
I would be willing to bet whatever life I got left that the guy doing this is setting f*re to everybody you and me love.
This is Pope.
JAX: Then let's find Frankie, get the truth, take it to the table.
Let SAMCRO decide who lives and dies.
CLAY: Fair enough.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
(Chibs yells)
Shit!
(tires squeal)
(radio playing rock music)
(tires squeal)
(truck horn blaring)
GEMMA: Shit!
(Thomas crying)
(crying continues)
(Abel moaning) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "05x07 - Toad's Wild Ride"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
LYLA: Hey, I was just showing the guys around.
CHIBS: Jackie boy, this place is fantastic!
TIG: I'm so excited.
CLAY: This thing with Gemma-- is it going anywhere?
NERO: I don't know.
RITA: I've got a g*n, and I'm calling 911!
(screaming, g*n)
Shit.
CLAY: These break-ins were supposed to put pressure on Jax, not a homicide investigation on me.
FRANKIE: And what happens with our deal?
We get you back at the head of the table, and we get a piece of your end.
GOGO: g*n, drugs, all of it.
Shit!
GEMMA: Unser just called. Greg and Gogo tried to k*ll him.
JAX: - What about Frankie? TIG: - Wasn't there.
JAX: You're using the Nomads to undermine my leadership.
CLAY: You got every right to assume that I'd be the one setting f*re to your table.
I would be willing to bet the guy doing this is Pope.
POPE: None of these att*cks are coming out of my camp.
TARA: I was wondering if you could watch the boys.
GEMMA: Yeah, okay.
TARA: I'm trusting you'll be safe with them, Gemma.
(tires screeching)
(truck horn blaring) Aw, shit!
(baby crying)
(indistinct radio communication)
(chainsaw buzzing)
(moaning softly)
Ma'am?
Ma'am, can you hear me?
You've been in a car accident and I need you to stay calm and hold still so we can help you out.
What's your name?
The name, can you tell me your name?
GEMMA: Abel!
Oh, my... oh, my God!
(sobbing)
Baby!
TIG: Ready?
JAX: Yeah, yeah, I've got this.
JAX: - You've got it? TIG: - You've got it?
JAX: All right.
TIG: Shit!
TIG: Bobby's on his way.
Back to the cabin?
JAX: - Yeah. I'll drive Tara. TIG: - Okay.
What are you gonna tell her?
JAX: I'm gonna tell her there's a d*ad black guy in the back of her car.
TIG: Yeah, uh...
CLAY: Get out of here, Juice.
No more questions.
JUICE: Someone went after Jax.
Tried to blow him and Chibs off the road.
CLAY: - Shit. They okay? JUICE: - Yeah.
That ain't all, Clay.
St. Thomas just called.
Gemma got in an accident.
TARA: How did they know where to find you?
Did they follow you?
JAX: I don't know.
They were probably trailing us from the clubhouse.
TARA: Jesus.
Was it Frankie? JAX: - I'm not sure.
TARA: If the other Nomads went after Unser...
JAX: We'll find out.
TARA: These were other members, Jax.
SAMCRO.
This isn't supposed to happen.
JAX: I know.
Hey.
I need you to stay in here.
TARA: Why?
JAX: We got to take care of this guy.
TARA: Oh... Christ.
(R&B music playing)
BOBBY: How's she doing?
JAX: She'll be fine.
CHIBS: Couple of prison tats.
Black Nation, that's it.
TIG: How do you want to do this, boss?
Pieces?
Wrap him for a hole?
JAX: Other one.
Take one to Unser, have him ID the prints.
I want affiliations, who he works for, everything.
BOBBY: What's the other one for?
JAX: Damon Pope.
Same request. TIG: - Why Pope?
BOBBY: Because if he hired him, he'll probably lie about who he is.
JAX: I'm tired of watching my back.
TARA: We have to go.
JAX: What happened?
TARA: It's my babies.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
JAX: Jesus.
How long does this take?
TARA: They run the wire through his leg, up to his heart.
(Jax sighs)
It's gonna be okay, baby.
JAX: Like this kid hasn't been through enough shit.
TARA: - This is on Gemma. JAX: - Yeah.
TARA: If she was drunk or high, I swear to God, Jax...
JAX: I know.
I know.
(moaning softly)
CLAY: You're at St. Thomas'.
GEMMA: - The boys... CLAY: - They're fine.
GEMMA: Abel... Abel, he was bleeding.
CLAY: He's gonna be okay. Just a cut on the head.
GEMMA: Oh, my God.
CLAY: What happened, Gem?
(sobbing)
(elevator bell dings)
BOBBY: All right, Abel's heartbeat went irregular.
They got to do a thing to reverse it.
JUICE: - Oh, shit, man. That poor kid. BOBBY: - Yeah.
CHUCKY: How's the baby?
CHIBS: Tommy boy-- he's golden.
He didn't get a scratch.
TIG: Gemma's banged up, but she's gonna be okay.
PHIL: - How about you guys? CHIBS: - Fine.
HAPPY: We know who the sh**t is?
BOBBY: Jax gonna bring everybody up to speed.
Just stay available.
Yeah.
(monitor beeping steadily)
MARGARET: I fed him. Put on a fresh diaper.
TARA: Thank you.
MARGARET: Abel did great.
His heartbeat is s*ab.
Keeping him here a couple days is just a precaution.
JAX: Appreciate that.
MARGARET: Let me know if you need anything.
JAX: Is my mother awake?
MARGARET: I'm not sure. I'll find out.
JAX: Thank you.
BOBBY: Jax.
(quietly): Unser's here.
He's got some info.
UNSER: It was an easy trace.
Charles Turner.
Been inside more than out.
Armed robbery, as*ault, domestic v*olence...
JAX: What about his affiliations?
UNSER: Nothing on the outside.
Black Nation in Chino.
He just got out two months ago.
TIG: No ties to Pope?
UNSER: Ain't from Oakland.
San Diego, Long Beach.
JAX: Okay. Thanks.
UNSER: Hey, next time, few fingerprints on a glass will suffice.
MARGARET: Jax?
Gemma's awake.
JAX: Okay, thanks.
(cellphone rings)
BOBBY: This ain't gonna be good.
UNSER: No, it ain't.
NURSE: Let me know if you need anything at all.
JAX: What happened?
Were you drunk?
CLAY: Guys in a van came after her.
Ran her off the road, just like you.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
Did you get a look at them?
GEMMA: No.
Happened, uh, happened really fast.
Van just came out of nowhere.
JAX: Oh, my God.
I'm sorry, Mom.
GEMMA: - Are my babies okay? JAX: - Yeah.
They're fine.
This is my fault.
GEMMA: Oh, no.
No, I-I'm okay, sweetheart.
You just go take care of business, all right?
CLAY: Only one guy we know gets off on d*ad kids.
TIG: Yeah.
BOBBY: Pope wants to meet.
Train yard.
CHIBS: Tiggy, you need to stay here.
I'll grab Hap.
JAX: You keep an eye on my family.
BOBBY: Always.
CLAY: I didn't know what else to do.
I can't have him hating you, too.
CLAY: Sheriff... club owes you an apology.
ROOSEVELT: For k*lling my wife?
CLAY: For being careless, vetting new members.
ROOSEVELT: They were white, r*cist and violent.
That fits all the requirements, right?
CLAY: What do you need from us?
CLAY: Detectives will want to talk to you all about the Nomads.
And they'll need any records that you have on them.
BOBBY: Well, they ain't gonna be much.
They were only in the charter a heartbeat.
JUICE: I'll pull what we have.
ROOSEVELT: Ortiz, see you for a minute.
JUICE: - Why? CLAY: - Now.
So where's Frankie Diamonds?
JUICE: We got no idea.
ROOSEVELT: Is he the one calling the sh*ts?
JUICE: I don't know, man.
ROOSEVELT: Well, then find out.
JUICE: Who do you think I am, dude?
I don't know shit, man.
(door opens)
ROOSEVELT: You seem a little nervous.
Yeah, I bet you Clay's real curious about our private little conversation right here, our blood bond we share.
JUICE: You're gonna get me k*lled.
ROOSEVELT: That concern left me when I watched my wife die.
DAMON: My company just closed the deal with the city on this property.
Five years from now this will be be affordable housing, multi-family units.
Retail... Park... Metro station.
JAX: Where do they put your bronze statue?
(Damon laughs)
DAMON: Someplace where no one can chop the hands off.
I'll chalk that off to a decision made under duress.
Don't test me again.
JAX: He was black, what the hell was I supposed to think?
DAMON: That someone wants you d*ad, and hired a black guy to do it.
Unemployment's crushing the hood, brothers need work.
JAX: Well, you were right.
DAMON: Huh?
JAX: att*cks are coming from inside.
But how do I know the orders aren't coming from you?
DAMON: The hand belonged to Charles Turner.
Tyler has the intel on his known associates.
I assume one of them will be the second sh**t.
Maybe they'll provide the truth you need.
JAX: Look, man, if I get a member trying to take me out, I got to cross everyone else off the list before I go there.
DAMON: Understood.
Betrayal's an awful thing.
JAX: Maybe I should get me one of them goon squads.
DAMON: Stay close, Jax.
You won't need one.
JAX: So what you know about Turner?
TYLER: He ain't local.
Got a brother-in-law lives on the six-six.
That's it.
JAX: All right, let's go.
GEMMA: Thank you.
CHUCKY: Sure.
(gentle knocking on door)
NERO: Can you give us a minute, friend?
CHUCKY: Okey-dokey.
NERO: - Thanks. CHUCKY: - All right.
NERO: What happened there?
GEMMA: Chinese cut 'em off cause he couldn't stop playing with himself.
NERO: See, I should've put that together.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
NERO: Hey, it's gonna be all right.
What?
GEMMA: I was stoned driving those kids.
I thought I'd be okay.
I drive high all the time.
And I-I didn't want to miss my chance to be with them.
NERO: I hear you.
It's okay, baby. It's okay.
GEMMA: No, it's not.
Clay lied for me.
Told Jax someone ran me off the road.
I let him believe it.
Jax and Tara are never gonna forgive me if they find out.
NERO: That'll come back, Gemma.
You know how that shit works.
You gotta get in front of it.
You tell 'em the truth.
You tell 'em the truth... CHUCKY: - Um, Clay's coming.
I thought maybe I should tell you that.
I need to step out.
My bowels get very loose in situations like this.
NERO: Well, on that note... I'll check in on you.
GEMMA: Yeah. Thanks.
CLAY: I'll walk you out.
CLAY: Whatever it was with you and my wife, it's over.
NERO: Well, maybe we should let her make that call.
CLAY: I know you and Jax are tight and club appreciates your p*ssy salvation, but make no mistake, you get in my way with Gemma, I'll k*ll ya.
NERO: Don't worry, mano.
I don't make mistakes.
Not like you.
♪
♪
JAX: That looks familiar.
CHIBS: Aye, but where's the brother who's driving it?
JAX: Let's find out.
Hey, what the hell is this?
JAX: Guess it was him.
Hey, clear this place out.
(three g*n)
Ray, there's nowhere left to go!
CHIBS: That's a bad idea, Ray.
RAY: Look, I didn't know what the job was, man.
I was just helping Charlie.
JAX: I get it, bro.
A gig's a gig.
RAY: Yeah.
CHIBS: Why was Charlie trying to k*ll us?
RAY: Just him.
A guy we knew in Chino, Frankie Diamonds, he hired us.
Gave Charlie his custom chopper, worth like 75K.
JAX: Why'd you go after my mom and kids?
RAY: We didn't go after your family.
I don't even know you, man.
That wasn't us.
CHIBS: So, Frankie hires a black guy, makes it look like Pope.
That greaseball is smarter than he looks.
HAPPY: What do we do with him?
JAX: Come here.
(Ray gasping)
RAY: Oh, shit.
Please... shit. Please.
(knocks)
JUICE: Hey, what are you doing here?
CLAY: I hate hospitals.
(Juice chuckles)
JUICE: Yeah, I get that.
(Clay sighs)
All I have is dues payments for the Nomads.
Think that's cool with Roosevelt?
CLAY: Yeah.
This stuff won't tell 'em shit.
Anything you need to tell me?
About Roosevelt?
JUICE: No. Why?
JAX: Well, he's been pressing you pretty hard since we got out of Stockton.
JUICE: Yeah, I guess.
JAX: Why just you?
JUICE: I don't know.
CLAY: I think you do.
JUICE: He's just an assh*le cop, man.
CLAY: What's he know, Juice?
JUICE: Nothing.
Come on, Clay.
CLAY: - Don't lie to me. JUICE: - I'm not.
CLAY: Hey... you can tell me the truth, son.
JUICE: Please, Clay, I can't.
CLAY: You got no choice.
Tell me, Juice.
JUICE: My father... he's black.
Eli found out.
He tried to get me to work with the Feds.
CLAY: Why? For what?
JUICE: There's a RICO case.
Otto flipped.
Gave them past crimes.
Eli thr*at me.
The Feds want the Irish and the the cartel.
He said that if I gave him some evidence, that he would spare the club.
CLAY: Jesus Christ.
What did you do?
JUICE: I stole that brick of coke. Miles caught me doing it. I panicked. We fought. He came at me with a Kn*fe.
CLAY: The RICO case went away?
JUICE: I guess they couldn't make it, the Feds. They cut me loose. I'm not sure about Otto.
(Clay sighs)
CLAY: I sent the Nomads to the trailer. Unser took down Gogo. I k*lled Greg.
JUICE: What happens now?
CLAY: Well, you take this bullshit intel to the sheriff, I catch up on some paperwork.
JUICE: Clay, I didn't...
CLAY: Listen to me. Everybody at that table's done something that puts them outside the reaper. Self-disclosure kills the group. Now, what we just shared here makes us even-- honest. We're connected. Nobody else needs to know. That's how it works.
TARA: Hey. They released you?
GEMMA: Yeah, pretty soon.
TARA: How you feeling?
GEMMA: Little sore. I'm okay.
TARA: Jax told me what happened.
GEMMA: Yeah.
TARA: Thank you... for keeping them safe.
GEMMA: I h*t a g*dd*mn tree.
TARA: I'm so glad it was you behind the wheel.
It could've been so much worse.
JAX: Hey. You doing okay?
GEMMA: Yeah.
Where you been?
TARA: Looking for the guy who tried to k*ll both of you.
GEMMA: Any luck?
JAX: We're still putting it together.
Do you remember anything from last night?
Make or model of the van?
GEMMA: No.
JAX: Color?
GEMMA: Dark.
Brown maybe.
(phone ringing)
JAX: Don't worry.
We'll find this guy.
Yeah, what's going on, ese?
GEMMA: Can I see Abel?
TARA: Of course.
BOBBY: Oh. Yo, anyone home?
NERO: Back here, mano.
FRANKIE: - g*n and knives. JAX: - Jesus Christ!
FRANKIE: Drop your clips, slide 'em across the floor.
Now! JAX: - Okay!
JAX: These two have got nothing to do with--
FRANKIE: Shut up and get on your knees!
Put your hands behind your heads!
BOBBY: Come on, Frankie, what the hell is this?
FRANKIE: What do you think?
I want money!
I know you got cartel cash in the chapel safe.
JAX: We ain't a bank, Frankie.
Drug money comes from the Mayans.
Cash from the g*n goes straight to the Irish.
FRANKIE: Hey, I don't give a shit where you get it.
I need 200 grand, or I k*ll Ope's whore.
NERO: I got that, I got that.
In my studio, there's about 130 cash, couple of good watches.
You want that?
FRANKIE: Yeah.
NERO: Just take that g*n out of her mouth, okay?
FRANKIE: All right, Elvis, get up off your fat ass and go get it-- move!
You try anything, I'll k*ll 'em both.
NERO: The safe is in my closet.
10-19-zero-3.
JAX: How do you think this ends, Frankie?
FRANKIE: This wasn't my idea, kid.
Clay promised us shit he couldn't deliver.
JAX: You're telling me Clay was behind the break-ins?
FRANKIE: Come on, Jax, you know he'd do anything to get the gavel back, and his cash points.
JAX: He sign off on you going after me and my family?
FRANKIE: I never went after your family.
JAX: Someone went after Gemma and my kids last night!
FRANKIE: Now, why the hell would I do that?
CHIBS: 'Cause you're a greasy scumbag animal!
BOBBY: Hey, hey, hey, hey!
FRANKIE: On the table.
Get back on your knees.
(Lyla whimpers, gasps)
FRANKIE: Is that your truck out back?
NERO: Yeah, homes.
Here-- key's in my pocket.
FRANKIE: Get the keys.
(Lyla whimpers)
FRANKIE: Get up, Scotty.
JAX: - Frankie... FRANKIE: - Get back, Jax!
Get back!
CHIBS: Jackie...
FRANKIE: You're driving.
Let's go.
CHIBS: All right.
FRANKIE: You come after me, I'll k*ll him.
JAX: You're making a mistake.
(g*n, Lyla yells)
Jesus Christ!
(all shouting, Lyla gasping)
CHIBS: - Oh, Jesus!
All right.
(Lyla groans, gasps)
LYLA: Is he gonna k*ll Chibs?
BOBBY: No, he'll-he'll probably just let him out when he gets far enough away.
(Lyla pants)
NERO: I got a doctor on the way.
He's a client; we're fine.
(Lyla groans)
NERO: You remember what you promised?
JAX: I know.
I'm sorry this shit landed here.
NERO: We ain't even open yet, and I got an employee with a b*llet in her leg.
JAX: I know.
I'm gonna handle it.
NERO: How you gonna handle it, more b*ll*ts?
JAX: Come on, man, it's a club problem.
NERO: No, no, it's-it's your problem.
And now it's my problem.
That's the way this whole partner thing works, man.
JAX: I got it.
And I'm telling you, it's not gonna happen again.
Okay?
NERO: But we both know that's a lie, right?
JAX: So, what you saying, man?
You want out?
NERO: Yeah, I do.
That's why we got into this, remember?
You got a beautiful wife, you got two healthy kids-- you need to accelerate the endgame, Jax.
Get away from all the shit that's trying to k*ll you.
JAX: I know.
I know what I have to do.
NARRATOR: And what about the rest of them?
'Cause if Clay set these guys in motion, brother on brother, shit, mano, you ain't got no trust to lean on.
JAX: I'm gonna get together the cash we owe you.
NERO: What are you gonna do about Gemma?
JAX: Now, that's not your concern, Nero.
NERO: Oh, you got to be kidding me with that shit, right?
After all this, I think I earned a little concern.
Clay lied about her being run off the road.
She wanted to tell you the truth, but she got caught up in all that stuff going on with Tara... JAX: - She almost k*lled my kids!
NERO: Okay, I'm not saying that she didn't make a mistake-- but the lie, that was because she was scared.
JAX: Yeah, she should be.
NERO: Really?
Well, what are you gonna do, Pres?
You gonna b*at the shit out of your mom?
Ain't that been done enough by your family?
JAX: Hey, you know what, bro?
BOBBY: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
JAX: You want to be with Gemma?
Be my guest!
She's your problem now.
Partner.
GEMMA (whispers): That's a good boy.
That's a good boy.
JAX: Could you give us a minute?
MARGARET: Uh, sure.
I'll be in NICU. TARA: - Okay.
What's the matter, baby?
JAX: I got some new information.
Are you gonna tell her, or should I?
GEMMA: I love him so much, baby.
TARA: What happened?
(Gemma sighs softly)
GEMMA: No one tried to run me off the road.
When you called last night, I was getting high with Unser.
I thought I'd be okay to drive.
I just didn't want to miss my chance to be with them.
(grunts)
I'm sorry.
TARA: You're done.
You don't call... see or come near my kids again.
GEMMA: - Tara, pl... TARA: - Get out! (sobs)
(Thomas crying)
(Tara takes deep breath)
(Thomas continues crying)
(Tara sobbing)
(Thomas continues crying)
(engine turns off)
FRANKIE: Get out of the truck.
Get out.
I said get out!
Get out!
Move it.
Move!
Get on your knees.
CHIBS: Hey.
Least you can look me in the eyes before you k*ll me, you Guinea coward.
(honks horn)
FRANKIE: Shit!
(g*n, air hissing)
(engine starts)
(door opens)
(door closes)
(vehicle driving away)
(engines rumbling)
JAX: Just tell 'em about Frankie and Chibs.
(engines turn off)
BOBBY: What about Clay?
JAX: We don't know anything yet.
Not until we can prove it.
Until then, he can't know we're on to him.
BOBBY: However this thing unravels with Clay... it's got to come to the club.
JAX: I know.
BOBBY: Do you?
(vehicle approaches)
JAX: You just bring the guys up to speed.
We gave your detectives everything we had.
ROOSEVELT: I heard.
How's your boy?
JAX: He's gonna be fine.
ROOSEVELT: Wow, that's... that's good.
You know, Rita was pregnant.
Seven weeks in.
I don't even know if it was gonna be a boy or a girl.
JAX: Oh, man.
I'm sorry.
ROOSEVELT: The DNA under her nails was inconclusive, so I can't tie her death to the MC.
So that puts me back at square one.
So anyone who knows anything is either... d*ad... or ain't talking.
JAX: We don't know any more than you do.
ROOSEVELT: Do you know why Bobby Munson was released from Federal holding?
That RICO case fall apart?
JAX: What RICO case?
Bobby was inside for Georgie Caruso.
ROOSEVELT: Yeah, I get it.
You and Munson gotta keep that secret.
JAX: Where is this headed?
ROOSEVELT: That wasn't the only RICO secret in SAMCRO.
There's somebody else talking to the Feds.
Giving them information on the cartel.
You said we should work together.
JAX: What do you want?
ROOSEVELT: I want Frankie Diamonds and anyone else responsible for k*lling my wife and my unborn child.
I know you will find him before I will.
JAX: And if I do?
ROOSEVELT: Give him to me, and I give you the rat at your table.
(door opens)
(door closes)
(engine starts, truck departs)
(Jax sighs)
(Tara sighs)
JAX: Do you ever regret coming back?
TARA: To Charming?
No.
Sometimes...
I wonder what would have happened if I never left.
JAX: Yeah.
I think about that, too.
I think about all those choices lately.
TARA: You want to tell me?
JAX: I'm pretty sure Clay was the one calling the sh*ts with the Nomads.
TARA: How do you know that?
JAX: We caught up with Frankie.
Clay was using the home invasions to create a shitstorm, hoping the noise in and out of the club would push me out of my seat.
TARA: What do you do now?
JAX: I gotta prove it.
Let the club make the call.
TARA: What call?
JAX: To cut him out and k*ll him.
TARA: How do we do that?
JAX: I have a plan.
You may not like it.
(motorcycle approaching)
(turns off engine)
(door closes)
CLAY: I got calls in to everybody.
We're gonna find Frankie, put this shit to bed.
JAX (sighs): I know.
CLAY: What'd Pope have to say?
JAX: Gave us some good intel on the second sh**t.
CLAY: Uh-huh.
JAX: My guess is that Frankie hired black to put us off the truth.
Got some facts straight.
CLAY: Oh, yeah?
And what's that?
JAX: No one went after Gemma or my kids.
I know why you lied for her.
I'd have done the same thing to protect Tara.
CLAY: Does Gemma know?
JAX: Yeah.
Tara's cut her out.
She's d*ad to my family.
CLAY: Shit.
JAX: You're the only thing she's got left.
CLAY: She don't want me.
JAX: I'm worried about her, Clay.
She's already on edge.
I'm not sure what happens to her without family.
She's gonna need you.
(door opens)
(door closes)
(knocking, door opens)
NERO: Somebody to see you, babe.
NERO: We okay here?
JAX: Yeah.
I heard what you said. NERO: - Good.
Be civil.
GEMMA: I didn't feel like going home.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: You want to fix the damage you've done?
GEMMA: Yes. Of course I do.
JAX: Then you need to prove to Tara that you can be trusted.
GEMMA: I'm cold turkey, Jax.
No booze, no weed.
I'm serious.
JAX: It's not that easy.
GEMMA: Then how?
Just tell me.
JAX: Clay was the one that put the Nomads in motion.
The home invasions, att*ck on me and Chibs, everything.
GEMMA: Oh, my God.
JAX: I need proof.
You're gonna get it for me.
GEMMA: What are you talking about?
JAX: He'd do anything for you.
Let him in.
Get his trust.
GEMMA: You want me to spy on him?
JAX: I want you to be with him.
Sleep with him.
Make him feel like a king.
The dirty secrets will start to flow just like they always did.
GEMMA: What if I can't do that?
JAX: Then get used to living in a brothel. Because hookers and bangers are gonna be your only family. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "05x08 - Ablation"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously...
Anything you need, they'll try and make it happen. Jax is putting together a care package for Otto. It might be nice to include something that reminded him of Luann.
GEMMA: Perfume, it came in a blue bottle.
CLAY: How's Rita?
UNSER: Didn't make it.
FRANKIE: What happens to our deal? We get you back at the head of the table, and we get a piece of your end.
CLAY: Supposed to put pressure on Jax, not a homicide investigation on me.
(g*n)
GEMMA: Unser just called. Greg and Gogo tried to k*ll him.
JAX: What about Frankie?
FRANKIE: I want money.
JAX: We ain't a bank. Drug money comes from the Mayans; cash from the g*n goes straight to the Irish.
NERO: I got that. I got that. It's about 130 cash, couple good watches.
FRANKIE: This wasn't my idea, kid. Clay promised us shit he couldn't deliver.
You're driving.
Get on your knees.
Shit!
ROOSEVELT: There's somebody else talking to the Feds.
JAX: What do you want?
ROOSEVELT: I want Frankie Diamonds and anyone else responsible for k*lling my wife.
JAX: And if I don't?
ROOSEVELT: Give them to me, and I give you the rat at your table.
NERO: Clay lied about her being run off the road.
JAX: She almost k*lled my kids!
NERO: Okay, the lie, that was because she was scared.
JAX: Are you gonna tell her or should I?
TARA: Get out!
JAX: You want to fix the damage you've done?
GEMMA: Yes.
JAX: Clay was the one that put the Nomads in motion.
I need proof.
GEMMA: You want me to spy on him?
JAX: I want you to be with him.
The dirty secrets will start to flow just like they always did.
GEMMA: What if I can't do that?
JAX: Then get used to living in a brothel.
ABEL: Dada?
Wake up, Dada.
(Jax groans)
JAX: Hey, buddy.
How you feeling?
ABEL: I'm hungry.
JAX: Okay.
What do you feel like having?
ABEL: Cookies.
JAX: Good choice.
Chocolate chip, a little milk on the side?
Coming right up.
NERO: You like it black with sugar, right?
GEMMA: Yeah, thanks.
NERO: You haven't said much since your boy was here.
GEMMA: Yeah, he kind of leaves me speechless these days.
Setting the rules for grandma.
NERO: Right.
GEMMA: How about you and Jax?
I'm off limits.
NERO: Yeah, well, I'm a little too old for dating rules.
I see who I want to see.
GEMMA: Is that what this is?
We seeing each other?
NERO: Yeah.
I see you, Gemma.
GEMMA: I got to get to the garage.
NERO: You know who I haven't seen in a few days is Lucius.
And since my truck is MIA, I was wondering maybe you want to give me a ride, meet my boy?
GEMMA: Oh, I don't know if that's a good idea.
NERO: Come on, he likes to meet my friends.
Especially the pretty ones.
He's a bit of a player.
GEMMA (chuckles): I'll keep that in mind.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let me, um... Let me just check in at TM, and, uh, pick you up around noon.
NERO: Cool, I appreciate that.
CACUZZA: How's that happen?
I thought you vetted your guys?
Prospects and shit.
CLAY: You know how it is.
Guys get lazy.
Greedy.
Piss all over loyalties.
CACUZZA: Yeah.
You think Frankie reached out to one of the families?
CLAY: Well, he was muscle for the Gambinos back in Rockaway.
He's still got ties.
CACUZZA: He ain't in Oakland or I'd know about it.
He probably reached out to someone in Rizzi's or Pirelli's crew.
Means he's in Reno, up in the lakes.
CLAY: Donation for the Cacuzza charity fund.
And, uh, a case of Glocks for your troubles.
CACUZZA: Yeah, that works.
I'll dig in.
MARGARET: Good morning.
TARA: Morning.
MARGARET: I just got a call from the CDCR supervisor.
They want you to check in with Stockton.
TARA: They say why?
MARGARET: No, just that it was urgent.
TARA: Okay, thanks.
MARGARET: Oh, I also changed your insurance status.
You still had yourself listed as single.
Jax and Abel are covered under your insurance now.
TARA: Great, thank you.
TARA: I just got off the phone with Stockton.
Their primaries are down with the flu and they asked if I could come in this afternoon.
JAX: No, babe, come on.
Let's wait till Abel's home.
You got enough on your plate.
TARA: We might have a problem.
There was never any documentation of my connection to the club.
All my records here, I'm single.
But Margaret just updated my insurance status to cover Abel's stay.
JAX: Oh.
Shit.
TARA: It might be just a matter of time before the CDCR flag that I'm, you know, married to a felon.
I should go.
Try again.
(phone ringing)
(ringing continues)
(sighs)
JAX: Yeah.
Okay.
Hey, what's up?
Oh, shit.
Thanks, brother.
All right, yeah. I'm on my way.
Bobby picked up Chibs.
TARA: Oh, thank God.
(sighs)
JAX: All right, I want Rat to go with you to Stockton.
Stay in touch?
TARA: Okay.
JAX: You good? TARA: Mmm-hmm.
JAX: All right.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life
♪ In the eye.
JAX: Hey.
The prodigal Scot.
Oh, man.
Thank God you're all right, man.
What happened?
CHIBS: Frankie, he dumped me out on the 99.
I really thought he was gonna put a b*llet in the back of my head.
Some trucker found me.
Check this out.
JAX: Jesus Christ, man.
Did you see anything?
CHIBS: Too dark.
White SUV.
I couldn't see faces, plates.
Somebody's helping him.
BOBBY: Seems to be heading north, maybe breaking for Canada.
HAPPY: No, Tahoe.
Just talked to Quinn.
He found Frankie.
JAX: Well, let's go.
Come on.
HAPPY: Quinn says Frankie's in South Tahoe.
Hooked up with Leo Pirelli's crew.
JAX: He's bought himself some mob protection.
CLAY: Is that solid intel?
'Cause I'm a little cautious when it comes to Nomad integrity.
HAPPY: Quinn knows every pimp and hooker in a 300 mile radius.
Frankie still likes them young and slanted.
TIG: Yeah, p*ssy tells all.
JAX: All right, give him a call when we break.
Tell him we're on our way.
Make sure it's real.
BOBBY: Leo runs book and poker clubs.
It's a quiet crew, man.
Maybe Cacuzza could reach out, explain our situation.
Do this the easy way.
CLAY: Yeah.
I can call Jimmy.
JUICE: What happens when we find Frankie?
CHIBS: We cut his head off.
JAX: First we press him on the att*cks, find out who's calling the sh*ts.
TIG: Let's vote this shit.
JAX: Okay, we all know what Frankie did to compromise the club.
Vote's got to be unanimous.
All in favor of stripping his patch.
HAPPY: Yea.
TIG: Yeah.
CHIBS: Aye.
BOBBY: Yea.
JAX: Yea.
As far as Mr. Mayhem goes, let's hear pros and cons.
TIG: He tried to k*ll you.
That would be a pro.
JAX: We only got the word of a non-member.
CLAY: Gogo and Greg tried to k*ll Unser.
Nomads were on a spree.
CHIBS: Yeah, and he sh*t Lyla, tried to whack me.
Frankie's made his bed, Jackie.
JAX: Anyone else?
Okay.
All in favor of Frankie Diamonds meeting Mr. Mayhem.
CHIBS: Aye.
TIG: Yea.
HAPPY: Yeah.
CLAY: Yea.
PHIL: Yea.
JUICE: Yeah.
BOBBY: Yeah.
JAX: Yea.
Okay, let's find him.
JAX: We can't k*ll Frankie.
Roosevelt, last night, made me an offer.
He knows all about you, Otto and RICO.
He said we got a rat at our table.
Someone gave up intel on Galindo.
BOBBY: Christ.
JAX: He wants to trade him for Frankie.
BOBBY: Do you believe him?
JAX: Eli must've been working with the U.S. Attorney.
He knows something.
BOBBY: So how do we make that work?
JAX: First we gotta make sure Clay doesn't get to Frankie before we do.
'Cause he is gonna blow his g*dd*mn head off.
BOBBY: Yeah, well, how do we stop the rest of them from doing that?
(Jax sighs)
JAX: When we find Frankie, I insist on pulling the trigger.
Then you and me split off to do the k*ll.
We take him someplace the sheriff can intercept.
BOBBY: That's a lot of moves.
That's a lot of lies.
JAX: What do you suggest, VP?
GEMMA: Club going on a run?
CLAY: Yep.
Tahoe.
Looking for the lost Nomad.
GEMMA: You riding?
CLAY: I'm gonna try.
I got Juice in the van.
GEMMA: Be careful.
CLAY: Hey, uh, I just got a call from Skeeter.
He's got Nero's whore set aside.
You know, her ashes.
GEMMA: Oh.
Okay.
Hey, um... Thanks again for handling all that.
CLAY: You're welcome.
JAX: You get a hold of Cacuzza?
CLAY: Left word.
PAM: Dr. Knowles, Pamela Toric.
I'm your charge nurse today.
TARA: Oh.
PAM: Thanks for filling in, we're like blind babies in a beehive, here.
TARA: Oh, no problem.
PAM: I was going through your follow-up requests.
See Otto Delaney came in for staph, he was prescribed methicillin.
So why do you need to see him again?
TARA: Uh, he was very sensitive to light.
I'm afraid the staph might be a precursor to meningitis.
PAM: Shit.
Okay.
Bring him in and order the tests.
I'm around if you need me.
TARA: Thanks.
PHIL: There he is.
JUICE: How they doing?
CLAY: Ah, I should've brought the cortisone.
PHIL: Anything we can do?
CLAY: No.
JAX: You okay?
CLAY: Lung's holding up.
My g*dd*mn hands.
JAX: Hop in the van.
Let Phil ride it out.
CLAY: Okay.
PHIL: Sorry, Clay.
JUICE: I got him.
(engines revving)
CLAY: Thanks.
I appreciate that.
Right.
That was Cacuzza.
Pirelli's got a fishing cabin up at Lake Cascade.
Uses it as a stash house.
They think he's got Frankie there.
JUICE: Cool. Let's catch up with the guys.
CLAY: Let's you and me vet it out, see if it's real.
Let 'em stay on the poker club.
Hey.
I just had to pass off my g*dd*mn ride.
Let me do something useful here, Juice.
JUICE: Yeah, okay.
GEMMA: Why'd you jump back in if you knew you wanted out?
NERO: I tried to play straight when I first got out.
But... ex-junkie, ex-con.
Those, uh, six-figure offers were kind of slim.
GEMMA: It's hard to be a land baron on minimum wage.
NERO: Exactly.
What about you, mama?
Being an old lady's your life's ambition?
GEMMA: My only ambition was to keep moving.
Hooked up with J.T. when I was 18.
NERO: Oh.
Bad boy thing, huh?
GEMMA: Yeah, I was all in from that first ride.
Knocked up two months later.
NERO: Mm.
Hey, Lucius, look, your dad's here.
NERO: Hey!
I missed you, mi hijo.
I want you to meet my friend, Gemma.
GEMMA: Hi, Lucius.
LUCIUS: Hi.
She really is pretty.
(Gemma laughs)
GEMMA: Wow.
Your dad's right.
You're a player.
JAX: Hey, Quinn!
QUINN: Hey, brother.
CHIBS: Quinn!
JAX: What's up, bro? Yo, man.
QUINN: Sorry to hear about Ope.
Pirelli's inside.
HANK: Hey, what do you guys need?
JAX: We're just looking around, big fella.
HANK: Yeah, we're a quiet place.
Gotta do it without the patches.
CHIBS: Hey, take it easy.
We're just here to see Pirelli, okay?
HANK: Hey, call his office and make an appointment.
QUINN: That's Leo right there.
JAX: Leo!
You made a bad mistake helping Frankie Diamonds, man.
HANK: All right, out. Move!
CHIBS: Hey, hey.
Hey!
What the hell, man.
Come on, get 'em!
(grunts)
PIRELLI: What the hell is wrong with you guys?
Somebody sneezes, you throw a fist?
How do you get any business done?
TIG: Johnny Goombah put up hands first.
HANK: Aw, screw this... PIRELLI: Hey, hey!
Enough.
Enough!
Okay, so you got my attention.
JAX: Frankie Diamonds. Leo, we know you're helping him get out of the States.
PIRELLI: You don't know shit.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: You know, Frankie Diamonds stole half a million dollars from me and my associates. He's using our cash to bankroll his exit. If you think we're noisy, wait till the cartel and the IRA come knocking.
BOBBY: Machetes and grenade launchers? They can spill a few stacks of chips.
QUINN: We just want Frankie.
JAX: You can even keep the cash.
PIRELLI: Make a call. Follow us. But if you're telling me a story, kid, this ain't gonna be such a beautiful, sunshiny day here in the splendor of the lakes. You understand?
JAX: Not exactly, but I think I get the point.
TARA: Restraints?
PAM: Mr. Delaney likes to stick shit in people's ears. Be careful. I'll send someone in to do the blood and the CT's.
TARA: Thanks.
OTTO: Now I know why they've been forcing antibiotics down my throat. You're a persistent little gash.
TARA: Yes, I am.
I brought you something.
OTTO: Why are you doing this?
TARA: To remind you of the things you love.
I know why you want to die, Otto.
It's not just about losing Luann.
It's about the guilt you feel turning on the club.
OTTO: You a shrink, now, too?
TARA: No.
I'm an old lady.
Protecting my man.
Just like Luann would've done for you.
OTTO: Put some on your wrist.
Please?
OTTO: Closer.
(inhales sharply)
(beeping)
(door opens)
I need some blood, Otto.
PETEY: Yeah, yeah, I got it.
No. Inside.
Yeah. Bye.
FRANKIE: Who's that, Leo?
Yeah.
PETEY: I need you to be completely honest, Frankie.
FRANKIE: I been straight with you guys.
PETEY: I hope so.
'Cause if Leo found out you were lying about the cash, like maybe you got a lot more, that would be bad.
FRANKIE: What're you talking about?
I gave you a hundred and fifty.
That's all I got.
Somebody's lying to you guys.
PETEY: Okay. Well, those somebodies are on their way.
I guess we'll... Oh, shit!
CLAY: Somebody's here.
Juice, go.
FRANKIE: Aw, shit!
CLAY: Down!
(g*n)
Put the phone away, Juice.
We gotta do this.
JUICE: Clay, Jax wants info on Frankie.
CLAY: Jax ain't here, Juice!
Cover the back. Go!
(g*n)
(engine revs)
(g*n)
(g*n racking, g*n)
JUICE: It's over, Frankie.
FRANKIE: It wasn't me, Juicy, I swear.
Clay put this whole Nomad shit storm in motion.
JUICE: You're a liar.
FRANKIE: No, I ain't.
We stole his safe, gave him back all that legal shit.
CLAY: Step away, Juice.
JAX: No! Not yet!
CHIBS: Frankie...
JAX: Lower the g*n.
PIRELLI: You piece of shit.
GEMMA: Well, here's Carla.
NERO: Thanks.
Damn.
It all comes down to this, huh?
GEMMA: Come in crying, go out in Tupperware.
(Nero snorts)
NERO: You make me laugh, Gemma.
GEMMA: What do you want to do with her?
NERO: Uh...
Come on.
GEMMA: This has got to be bad luck.
NERO: No, no, no, this is, this is genius, babe.
Carla, she always wanted to be buried in some fancy mausoleum.
GEMMA: Yeah, well, hurry up, Houdini.
I don't want to get nabbed for grave robbing.
NERO: You never broke into one of these things when you were a kid?
GEMMA: No, I'm not Tig.
Never mind.
NERO: Damn! Almost.
GEMMA: Here.
NERO: I'm in.
GEMMA: Magic.
(Nero coughs)
GEMMA: Jesus!
Smells like d*ad shit in here.
NERO: Yeah.
Been awhile since someone visited.
GEMMA: Yeah, that's 'cause they're all in here.
No one's left.
All right, this shit's creeping me out.
Can we dump little sister, please?
NERO: Yeah.
Whew.
(speaks Spanish)
(speaks Spanish)
Please don't let that ever be me.
Go ahead.
Come on.
JAX: Not the way I wanted this to happen.
PIRELLI: I'm an idiot for trusting Frankie.
Sometimes, I lean too much on his guinea thing.
JAX: So how are we gonna make this right?
PIRELLI: Cover the damage on the club and the cabin.
g*n, cash, don't matter.
I'll call it even.
JAX: Fair enough.
BOBBY: We okay?
JAX: Oh, great.
You got a van or a truck I can borrow?
We gotta haul Frankie back.
QUINN: Yeah.
JAX: Thanks, bro.
How'd you know where Frankie was?
CLAY: Cacuzza. He called me as you guys were pulling out.
Me and Juice wanted to check it out before we h*t you up.
JUICE: Make sure it was real.
JAX: It was real.
CLAY: Yeah.
TARA: Sorry about all the tests.
(Otto sighs)
(Tara sighs)
You need to recant your statement, Otto.
Say you lied.
Do something to k*ll this RICO case.
OTTO: Where's the perfume?
TARA: I have it.
It's in my pocket.
OTTO: Unhook my hand.
Just the right.
Please. I'm not going to hurt you.
Come to me.
Hold my head.
TARA: I don't think you should... OTTO: Please.
I just want to feel a woman's hand on me... one more time.
Please?
(Otto breathing heavily)
(Otto sobbing)
JAX: Hey, thanks again for the truck, man.
QUINN: Any time, bro.
QUINN: I'm here.
BOBBY: What are you gonna do about Eli?
JAX: Deliver the third Nomad.
BOBBY: Oh, come on.
What, you gonna prop him up in in the front seat and play Weekend at Frankie's?
JAX: I'm more concerned what we do about him.
BOBBY: We got nothing, brother.
JAX: We know it was Clay.
BOBBY: Yeah, but we need tangible evidence.
The guy who could give it to us is d*ad.
We take this to the club with just Frankie's story, sorry, Clay stays put.
And you look vindictive and weak.
JAX: Yeah.
Will you pull some cash for Skeeter?
BOBBY: Yeah.
JAX: I'll be back for Frankie in a bit.
(knocking)
JAX: You're back.
Did you see Otto?
TARA: Yes, I did.
JAX: What happened?
TARA: Uh, it was just incredibly sad.
He's just emotionally broken.
The perfume crushed him.
He was sobbing.
I think I got through to him.
JAX: Thank you for doing this.
(knocking)
MARGARET: Sorry to interrupt.
How did it go at Stockton?
TARA: Fine.
They need me all week.
Was hoping we could work that out.
MARGARET: We should.
I'll get into it.
Good news.
Abel's been released.
Just need a few signatures.
JAX: That's great.
Thank you.
MARGARET: Oh, I got a call from Karen Dunhill at Providence Hospital.
Her Oregon team will be down for the conference, Wanted to know if you were available.
TARA: She say why?
MARGARET: Probably about the offer.
TARA: I'll give her a call.
(pen scratches on paper)
JAX: The Oregon offer's still on the table?
TARA: I don't know.
Let's take the boys home.
(footsteps)
CLAY: Skeeter's ash cash?
BOBBY: Yep.
(Clay groans)
CLAY: Anything I should know, VP?
BOBBY: About?
CLAY: My future.
BOBBY: I don't know.
You got something you want to share?
CLAY: My conscience is clear.
BOBBY: Yeah?
That was something that never got in your way.
CLAY: Where do you think he ends up?
BOBBY: Jax?
He's making good choices.
CLAY: Yeah.
And the better they are, the more familiar he'll feel.
BOBBY: He ain't you.
CLAY: Oh, it ain't about me, it's about that seat.
BOBBY: I know how bad you want it back.
(Clay snorts)
CLAY: Yeah, I thought I did.
BOBBY: That why you set the Nomads in motion?
CLAY: If that was a real thr*at, you wouldn't be lobbing it at me as I walked out the door.
BOBBY: I really hope you're as smart as you think you are.
I am tired of burning friends.
CLAY: Me, too.
(door opens)
JAX: What are you doing here?
GEMMA: Figured I should return my house key.
TARA: I'll put him down.
JAX: Go back to sleep.
That it?
GEMMA: No.
Sit down.
Please?
I can count the times I've been really happy on one hand: you and your brother... Abel and Thomas.
JAX: I know.
GEMMA: I like Nero, Jax.
Haven't felt... light
in a very long time.
(footsteps approach)
The thing you want me to do... with Clay?
I can't do both.
And you're right.
We lay down together, things get old and familiar.
If I'm gonna go back to that place...
I need to know that what you promised is real.
JAX: It's real.
GEMMA: Not from you.
From her.
TARA: I'm aware what Jax asked you to do.
And if you help him get what he needs from Clay, you can have that key back.
And the family that goes with it.
JAX: You good?
GEMMA: No, son.
I'm really not.
JAX: I'll be home in a couple hours.
JAX: Hold that thought.
TARA: I'm here.
NERO: Hey.
Coffee's hot.
GEMMA: Oh, okay.
Thanks.
NERO: I can get cleaned up.
Maybe we can grab some dinner?
GEMMA: Not really hungry.
NERO: Okay.
What's going on?
GEMMA: Sit down.
(birds chirping)
NERO: My new friends.
NERO: I was gonna get some fish or something.
Then I saw you had this thing for birds.
GEMMA: You did this for me?
NERO: Well, Lyla picked them out.
Lovebirds, too on the nose, right?
GEMMA: No.
They're beautiful.
Thank you.
NERO: So what's going on?
GEMMA: I'm exhausted.
I need to, uh, I need to go home, soak in a tub.
Sleep for a couple of days.
NERO: That's a good idea.
I'm here.
(birds chirping)
ROOSEVELT: Put your hands on the hood.
JAX: Really?
ROOSEVELT: A cop meeting a violent felon on a dark road in the middle of the woods.
Call me cautious.
JAX: Good point.
.45 in the cut.
ROOSEVELT: Wearing colors, carrying w*apon.
Some serious parole violations.
JAX: Good thing you're off duty.
ROOSEVELT: That's not for me, is it?
JAX: No.
It's for Frankie.
ROOSEVELT: Is he in there?
JAX: Yep.
He's in the back.
ROOSEVELT: Jesus Christ.
This is not what I wanted!
JAX: Me neither.
Frankie pissed off a lot of people.
This happened before we could get to him.
It wasn't us.
ROOSEVELT: So what the hell am I supposed to do with him?
JAX: You tell me.
He's been d*ad too long to stage a k*ll; maybe you find him in Chigger Woods.
Or I can handle it.
ROOSEVELT: Shit.
What the hell am I doing?
Get out of here.
JAX: Who's the rat?
ROOSEVELT: I'm not doing this.
I'm not gonna be responsible for another d*ad body.
JAX: Too late.
I know it wasn't me or Bobby.
Chibs, Tig, Happy, they'd cut their own hearts out before they'd talk to the cops.
Phil, the prospects, don't know dick.
Clay, not enough upside for him to rat.
Only leaves one guy.
A guy who tried to hang himself a few months back.
ROOSEVELT: You know, he had no choice.
JAX: We always have a choice.
ROOSEVELT: So what happens to him now?
(doorbell rings)
CLAY: Hey.
GEMMA: I thought you might need a little relief after the run.
CLAY: Sure, that'd be great. My hands missed you.
GEMMA: Sit.
JUICE: Cables are good. I'll have Wade check the discs tomorrow.
CLAY: Thanks, Juicy. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "05x09 - Andare Pescare"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
DAMON: I need a d*ad Son for the Nine and the cop you k*lled. That maintains my relationships. Trager stays inside for the rest of his life.
JAX: I just watched my best friend get beaten to death for you. I need Trager outside. Him knowing I saved his life gives me an internal advantage. And when I'm done, you can send him out the same way you did his kid. Mr. Mayor.
JACOB: - What do you want from me?
JAX: I know how important Charming Heights is to you. We're going to make your dream come true. I can also get you a new investor-- one of the biggest developers in Oakland. Did you see Otto?
TARA: - I think I got through to him.
Shh.
(crying)
JUICE: My father, he's black. Eli found out. He tried to get me to work with the feds.
CLAY: - Why?
JUICE: - It's a RICO case. Otto flipped, Eli thr*at me. He said that if I gave him some evidence, that he would spare the club.
CLAY: - What did you do?
JUICE: - I stole that brick of coke. Miles caught me doing it. Ah!
JAX: Clay was the one that put the Nomads in motion. I need proof.
GEMMA: You want me to spy on him?
JAX: I want you to be with him. Make him feel like a king.
ROOSEVELT: I want Frankie Diamonds and anyone else responsible for k*lling my wife, and I give you the rat at your table.
Jesus Christ! This is not what I wanted!
JAX: Who's the rat?
ROOSEVELT: I am not gonna be responsible for another d*ad body.
JAX: Chibs, Tig, Happy-- they'd cut their own hearts out before they'd talk to the cops.
Only leaves one guy-- guy who tried to hang himself a few months back.
ROOSEVELT: He didn't have a choice.
JAX: We always have a choice.
(engine revving)
(quietly): Shit.
JUICE: Really? You're sitting on my house?
CANE: Taking you in for questioning.
JUICE: - For what? CANE: - The att*ck at Unser's.
JUICE: - Now? CANE: - Which way we gonna do this?
JUICE: This is bullshit.
(car doors shut, engine starts)
GEMMA: Where are the prospects going?
CHIBS: Early morning pickup.
What are you doing here?
GEMMA: Ah, I ain't sleeping much.
Figure I'd catch up on work here.
CHIBS: Good.
You keep me company, 'cause I am sick of this pain in the ass exhaust.
GEMMA: How's the head?
CHIBS: Still hard.
How you feeling?
GEMMA: Tired and hated.
CHIBS: I heard you been banned.
Tara will come round.
GEMMA: We're working on that.
CHIBS: What about... you and Nero?
Something happen there?
GEMMA: Who wants to know?
CHIBS: Just me, love.
GEMMA: Probably not.
CHIBS: Clay?
You done with him?
GEMMA: What do you think?
CHIBS: I think he still loves you.
GEMMA: How do you know that?
CHIBS: Same way you do.
(motorcycle approaching)
Bobby!
What are you doing here?
I got the lock up.
BOBBY: Yeah, I know.
I just talked to Jax.
He wants me to bring you up to speed on a few things.
CHIBS: Okay.
BOBBY: She okay?
CHIBS: I think our mother is a little bit lost.
BOBBY: Yeah... I'm sure she is.
(Gemma cries quietly)
♪
♪
(banging strident notes)
(Thomas crying, wailing)
TARA: Shh... (Thomas quiets)
Shh...
It's okay.
(knocking on door)
ROOSEVELT: Yeah.
Hey.
All right, thanks, man. CANE: - Okay.
JUICE: Are you kidding me with this shit?
ROOSEVELT: All right, shut up and listen.
Jax knows that it was you who gave up the club, okay?
You got to get out of Charming now.
JUICE: You ratted me out?
ROOSEVELT: No... I needed Frankie.
Okay?
Told Jax that I would give him some intel on the rat.
JUICE: - But Frankie's d*ad. ROOSEVELT: - I know.
I didn't tell Jax.
He already knew that it was you.
I'm sorry.
Anything I can do?
Juice...?
JUICE: No.
No, I got it.
BOBBY: I filled him in on Juice and RICO.
JAX: I had no choice, brother.
The secret protected the MC.
I'm sorry.
CHIBS: I get it.
Well, shit... it's all falling apart, ain't it, Jackie?
Turning to shit.
JAX: Not for long.
I see an end.
CHIBS: I know something I got to tell you.
I knew about the leverage Roosevelt had on Juice.
And I didn't want to say anything...
'cause I didn't think he would give us up.
JAX: What is it?
CHIBS: His old man's black.
BOBBY: You got to be kidding me.
CHIBS: No.
There's no paperwork.
Idiot didn't know any better.
JAX: Maybe it's time we change a few bylaws.
CHIBS: Amen.
So... what do we do?
We just take him to the club?
JAX: Not yet.
All the shit we're trying to change.
We already had three members turn on the club.
Word gets out about a rat, it is gonna spook our new alliances and blow back on everything we're trying to do.
BOBBY: He's not really a thr*at.
We watch him.
Wait till it settles.
CHIBS: Yeah.
And then what?
JAX: Then we bring it to the table.
Let him hang himself.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
JAX: Hey.
TARA: Morning.
JAX: Morning. You heading in?
TARA: If I can see Otto today, I think I'll change his mind.
JAX: Be careful.
TARA: So... I'm gonna drop Thomas off... and Elyda will be here in about 20 minutes.
JAX: Where's Abel?
TARA: Oh... He's playing with Juice.
He's waiting for you.
JUICE: - Hey. JAX: - Morning.
Want some coffee?
JUICE: I'm good.
JAX: So what's going on?
JUICE: I know you know.
Eli told me... hoping that I'd split.
I got no place to go, Jax.
No friends... no family.
Things would turn to shit, no matter where I went.
(spoon clacks against mug)
JAX: I know about the leverage.
Chibs.
JUICE: Oh.
He knows?
JAX: Him and Bobby.
Why don't you tell me?
JUICE: Feds had us on RICO.
They wanted the cartel and the Irish more than us.
They said if I gave them intel on the g*n and the coke, they would only take the Sons who were at the buy.
Leave the rest of the MC intact.
I was just trying to protect the club.
JAX: Miles didn't steal the coke, did he?
He caught you stealing it.
JUICE: That was an accident.
JAX: Shut up!
(Jax sighs)
Do you want to earn your way back in?
A pardon.
JUICE: What does that mean?
JAX: It means you do everything I tell you to do.
And I make sure your betrayal never hits the table.
It stays between us.
JUICE: Yes, of course.
The club is all I got, you know that.
Just tell me what you need me to do.
JAX: Clay.
He was the one behind the Nomads.
Setting shit on f*re to sabotage my leadership.
Rita's m*rder.
k*lling the Nomads.
The att*cks on me and Unser.
That all happened because of your pal Clay.
JUICE: - Oh, shit. JAX: - What?
JUICE: Frankie tried to tell me that.
JAX: Tell you what?
JUICE: He said that Clay was behind the break-ins.
That the Nomads stole the safe from his house, but gave Clay back all the legal shit.
JAX: You're gonna find those documents, Juice.
'Cause that's gonna prove that Frankie's story is true.
That Clay is a traitor and a m*rder.
I know you're close to him, bro, but he's poison.
And you don't know the half of it.
JUICE: Jesus Christ, Jax.
He knows about me and RICO.
Put it together, same way you did.
JAX: When?
JUICE: Couple of days ago.
JAX: It's a simple choice, Juice.
You help me bring Clay down, or you lose your patch.
And I think you know what k*lling another member gets you.
JUICE: Okay.
I'm in.
(gate buzzes)
(engine revs)
V-LIN: That's gotta be him.
(engine revs)
KAREN: We started the practice two years ago.
Gladys Hahn and myself.
Both pediatrics. We met at Providence.
TARA: I know Gladys. She's wonderful.
KAREN: Yes, she is. And last month we added Lisa Woo.
Neurosurgeon, specializing in children.
TARA: Those are some potent girls you have on your team.
KAREN: Yes, and we're looking to add one more.
A neonatal specialist.
We'd like to make you an offer.
TARA: Um... You do know I'm-I'm still in therapy?
I haven't operated in months.
KAREN: I also know the prognosis is good.
You're exactly what we want, Tara.
All your focus is on the healing.
Meticulous surgeon.
Using your down time to refine your counseling skills.
Gave up the big city to move back home.
And now gratis work in prison.
I did my homework, and Margaret helped.
MARGARET: I just filled in the blanks.
TARA: I'm... I'm-I'm not sure what to say.
KAREN: Don't say anything.
Take a few days.
Talk to your husband.
I'm here till the end of the week.
TARA: Okay.
Thank you.
I-I would take you out to lunch, but I have a hot date with some inmates.
(laughing)
MARGARET: That's right.
KAREN: It was lovely meeting you in person.
Uh, this is... all about our practice, the town, the schools.
Hopefully, everything you'll need to say yes.
TARA: Fair enough.
Thank you.
JAX: Is Clay here?
GEMMA: No.
Haven't seen him since last night.
I took care of his hands.
(car drives up)
JAX: Find out where he is.
Let me know.
I saw the papers.
Charming Heights vote, going your way.
Congratulations.
JACOB: Yeah, things are, uh, moving forward.
JAX: Relax, Jacob, you're my landlord.
No one thinks you're here to buy g*n.
Which, of course, we don't sell.
Did you bring it?
JACOB: What do you want it for?
JAX: Just making good on our agreement.
The investor in Oakland.
JACOB: Y-Y... That may not be necessary.
It could be a number of people...
JAX: Number you're looking for is one, Mayor.
JACOB: I need a name, for Christ's sake.
JAX: And when it's real, you'll get your name.
Nice.
All right.
There's a couple things I'd like us to be clear on.
When I make this happen, TM gets the contract to do all the mechanical work on Charming Heights maintenance vehicles.
JACOB: And?
JAX: Subsidized housing for Lyla and her kids.
That's Opie's widow.
TIG: Jax.
Prospects called.
JAX: Appreciate it, Mayor.
I'll be in touch.
TIG: They trailed Hightower to a club outside of Oakland.
JAX: - All right, let's go. TIG: - All right.
JAX: Here. Put that in my office.
PHIL: Yes, sir.
BOBBY: What did Hale want?
JAX: Diosa paperwork.
CHIBS: Hey.
You hear from Juice yet?
JAX: No.
PAM: Delaney's been complaining about headaches, stiff neck, nausea.
Could be bullshit, but until we get the blood work back... TARA: - No, that makes sense.
Those are all pre-symptoms of meningitis.
PAM: We're not equipped to do a spinal tap.
TARA: There's an internist on duty at St. Thomas.
I'll check out Otto, and then give him a call.
See what he recommends.
PAM: Great.
All right, well, I'll be in prep if you need me.
TARA: Okay. Thank you.
OTTO: Figured out what you were treating me for.
Gave 'em a few symptoms.
TARA: Because you wanted to see me?
OTTO: You believe in God?
TARA: Um... I think so.
OTTO: Nah.
That's not believing, Doc.
That's... that's covering your ass in case there's a rapture.
Luann was a bit of a Jesus nut.
Think it helped balance the shame she felt taking dick in her ass for a living.
I tried to believe, but... it never stuck.
Something happened to me yesterday.
With you.
I haven't cried that way since I was a kid.
TARA: That's good.
(Otto sighs)
OTTO: I'll make my part of RICO go away.
(Tara sighs)
TARA: Thank you.
OTTO: I'd... I'd like one more thing.
TARA: What's that?
OTTO: Before I went inside, I... I gave Luann this crucifix my mother gave me.
It was this ornate gold and silver piece.
Luann promised she'd give it back to me when I got out.
I-I know they're not gonna let me have it in here, but I...
I just want to wear it for a few minutes... you know, maybe say a prayer or something.
TARA: I'll see if I can get it.
OTTO: It's gotta be today, Doc.
That blood comes back soon, and... they're gonna figure out there ain't nothing wrong with me.
CLAY: Hey, brother.
Sorry it's been so long.
LENNY (whispering): Heard what happened.
Glad you're still standing.
CLAY: Me, too.
I got wind of a RICO case against us.
I think Otto might be involved.
You hear anything?
LENNY: Nothing more than I already told Jax.
Otto talking to the feds.
CLAY: Right.
How about the last few weeks?
You notice any change in Otto's status?
LENNY: No. Still on the row.
Protected.
No visitors.
I can't get to him, if that's what you're asking.
CLAY: Well, the feds haven't made a move, so...
I don't know, maybe it's bullshit, huh?
LENNY: Hope so.
CLAY: Can I do anything for you on the outside?
LENNY: I ain't got no more outside.
CLAY: Yeah.
UNSER: Hey. Got your message.
GEMMA: Where have you been?
I went by the trucking lot, and the Airstream is gone.
UNSER: I was asked to vacate the premises.
Apparently double homicides are bad for business.
GEMMA: So where you living?
UNSER: Here and there.
GEMMA: Christ, Wayne.
Just park it along that fence till you find another lot.
UNSER: Okay.
Thanks.
GEMMA: Sit down.
UNSER: What's bothering you?
GEMMA: Clay's the one behind the Nomad att*cks... and Rita's m*rder.
But Jax can't prove it.
So he wants me to find something, anything that he can take to the table to hang Clay.
UNSER: Shit.
GEMMA: There anything you can think of?
UNSER: Not offhand.
But I'll, uh, burn some gray matter on it.
GEMMA: Thank you.
(phone rings)
Yeah.
JAX: Any movement?
RAT BOY: Just some locals.
But we scoped it out, Jax.
There are bikes in back.
V-LIN: Tricked-out shit.
BOBBY: What's up?
JAX: Come on. Bikes in the back.
BOBBY: - Oh, man. JAX: - Ah, shit.
BOBBY: Those bikes look familiar.
T.O.: Teller.
The hell you doing here, brother?
JAX: About to ask you the same question.
T.O.: This is a Bastard hang, man.
What's up?
So what's going on?
JAX: I'm looking for someone.
Guy called Randall Hightower.
CHIBS: Large black fellow.
TIG: Looks like the word "Obey" should be pasted under his head.
T.O.: Why you looking for him?
JAX: He k*lled Opie when we were in County.
T.O.: Shit.
JAX: I don't like where this is going, T.O.
T.O.: He hired us to protect him. I didn't know it was from you.
BOBBY: Well, we'll be buying out your contract.
T.O.: Ain't that simple. He's my cousin, man. We came up together. Randall, no!
(tires squeal)
T.O.: Yo, we had no idea Randy was involved in Ope's death, man.
JAX: Well, now you know!
CHIBS: Where do we find him?
T.O.: He's blood, man. I can't just turn him over. There's gotta be something we can work out.
JAX: Like what, bro?! How are we gonna make this right?!
TIG: Jax... Well, isn't this just a bunch of bullshit. Let's just find Fat Albert and cave his skull in.
HAPPY: Second that.
BOBBY: For 20 years we have had relationships with these people. The Grim Bastards have always backed us, always. Maybe we need to look for a compromise.
JAX: There was a couple of other guys with your cousin when they took out Opie. Why don't you let us talk to them? We'll get those names, throw him a beating, but we'll let him live.
T.O.: All right. I'll track him down. I'll let you know.
(knocking)
ROOSEVELT: Yeah.
UNSER: - Got a minute? ROOSEVELT: - For what?
UNSER: Last piece of the puzzle.
GEMMA: I, uh, went through Luann's shit in storage. It's gotta be this.
TARA: Yeah, that looks right. Thanks.
GEMMA: You gonna make me ask?
TARA: I gave Otto his care package. He asked for this, too.
GEMMA: They're not gonna let him keep that.
TARA: No, I know.
He just wanted to see it again. Sentimental value, I guess.
GEMMA: You volunteering at Stockton?
TARA: Yeah.
GEMMA: Since when?
TARA: Um, just recently.
I have the time.
Seemed like the right thing to do.
GEMMA: Good for you.
Tell Otto I say hi.
Hope that saves his soul.
TARA: Thanks for coming... bringing this.
GEMMA: Anything you need, Mom.
ROMEO: What's so urgent?
CLAY: I got a little disturbing news the other day I wanted to bounce off my Mexican brethren.
It turns out there was this RICO case, right?
It was about to come crashing down on all of us.
And then all of a sudden, it just went away.
You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?
ROMEO: How the hell would I I know?
LUIS: Who told you this shit?
CLAY: I heard it from my sources.
LUIS: Oh, you got sources now?
CLAY: Oh, yeah. I got sources that are helping me sort through all the facts.
For instance, how you were able to get Jax to do a 180 on the drugs and the g*n.
And why he kept me breathing so that Gaalan can continue to funnel Irish g*n your way.
One might think you were holding something over his head.
Like maybe a RICO case.
And then it h*t me.
In order to pull that off, you'd have to be wearing two really big hats.
What federal agency could be that devious and that manipulative?
ROMEO: Where's this going?
CLAY: I don't know, and that's the problem.
I think Jax is pushing to k*ll the RICO leverage you got.
If that happens, I go away.
And the g*n go away, and you go away.
ROMEO: How's he doing that?
CLAY: He's getting to Delaney, the guy who gave 'em history.
ROMEO: Looks like we both have something to lose.
LUIS: What do you want?
CLAY: I want protection.
When the MC gets out of the picture, you're gonna need me.
I got the Gaalan connection.
Him and me will put together a crew.
We'll keep the g*n floating your way.
Then all you need is a mule for your coke.
ROMEO: MC's got to stay in the picture.
They've been really good for us.
LUIS: But you're right.
If that push comes to that shove, we'd need you more than Jax.
ROMEO: Out with the new, in with the old.
Jax goes away, you get the MC back.
Everything stays in place.
CLAY: No.
No, I ain't gonna make that deal.
ROMEO: Sure, you are.
LUIS: We'll be in touch.
JAX: Hey, thanks for meeting me.
Yeah.
I come bearing gifts.
Charming Heights, a three-phase residential community.
They're looking for backers.
Our mayor is the principle developer.
DAMON: How convenient.
JAX: He's also indebted to to me.
DAMON: Good for you.
JAX: I don't know if it's a good investment or not, but I wanted to run it by you.
He's desperate to keep this thing alive.
DAMON: You can do a lot with a desperate man.
What's your end?
JAX: Maintenance contracts.
Some kind of percentage for the MC.
All up for discussion.
Nothing greedy.
DAMON: Sounds fair.
Thinking beyond the street.
JAX: Just taking your lead, man.
DAMON: Mm-hmm.
There's only one thing standing in the way of our growing partnership.
You know what that is, right?
JAX: Yeah.
DAMON: How much longer do you need Trager on that leash?
JAX: I'm not sure yet.
DAMON: I am.
I need an end date.
JAX: I found out who the insider was, trying to hurt us.
DAMON: Oh?
JAX: Clay Morrow.
DAMON: Your father?
JAX: Stepfather.
I'm still putting together the pieces on how to bring him down, but it's gonna be soon.
When that happens, you can have Trager.
You have my word.
DAMON: I'm expecting
"soon" to be soon.
If not, I intervene, and that's bad for everyone.
JAX: Understood.
DAMON: Oh, yeah.
The guy you're looking for, one who k*lled your friend in County, he's at the boatyard, Canal and Hayward.
I'll run this past my board.
Look at you.
(chuckles)
JAX: Here.
T.O.: How'd you know we were here?
JAX: A friend.
You remember what those are, right?
T.O.: I'm trying here, man.
I can't convince Randy you guys ain't gonna k*ll him.
CHIBS: Come on.
Where is he?
T.O.: Listen, I talked to him about Opie.
The order came down from Pope to take you guys out in County.
GN recruited Randy
'cause of his size.
It was the guards who set up that k*ll.
Cuz had no choice, man.
He was in too deep.
TIG: So who were the other guys?
T.O.: He hardly knew them.
JAX: Let us hear that from him.
T.O.: I need your word, man.
JAX: Yeah.
Okay.
T.O.: No, cuz, they just want to talk!
Hey, let him go, let him go.
They just want to talk, cuz.
TIG: Bobby, we got the back.
JAX: - Hey! HIGHTOWER: - Back off!
JAX: Put the g*n down.
HIGHTOWER: - You're gonna k*ll me. JAX: - No, man.
We want to talk to you.
Your call, T.O.
T.O.: Randall, listen, they gave me their word, all right?
Just put the g*n down, man.
CHIBS: Who else k*lled our friend?
HIGHTOWER: One guy, his name was Aldo.
Smith, I think.
Other guys, I just knew their first name.
Vox and Mace.
That's all I know.
I swear.
CHIBS: I got this.
T.O.: Jesus Christ!
What is this shit?
(silenced g*n)
Jax, you gave me your word, man!
JAX: And so did you.
You said you were gonna deliver him.
You didn't.
T.O.: Who the hell are you?
BOBBY: Jax.
Jax.
You just shit on two decades of brotherhood.
What you did back there was wrong.
And it hurts all of us.
JAX: You know, you might be right, but you didn't see the pleasure in that animal's face when he caved in Opie's skull!
We did!
TIG: I'll go talk to him.
CHIBS: We did what we had to do, Jackie.
JAX: I know.
Things are gonna get bloody, brother.
I'm not sure if Bobby's gonna be able to roll with that.
I need to know that I have you in my corner.
CHIBS: I've always been there, and I always will.
Come here.
I love you, kid.
Understand?
I'm gonna get cleaned up.
(engine approaching)
(clattering)
JUICE: Hey, man.
CLAY: You don't have to do that.
JUICE: It's cool.
Just came by to see if you needed anything.
The prospects are doing a Costco run.
CLAY: No, I'm fine.
Sit for a second, will you?
(exhales)
You know, I don't think I could've gotten through the past month without you.
No, no, I mean it.
You reminded me what being a brother really is.
JUICE: Thanks, man.
CLAY: I've made a lot of mistakes, Juice.
I've done some really heinous shit.
Most of it, I-I can't even begin to tell you.
JUICE: What're you talking about?
CLAY: You get to this point in your life, and you start to wonder, are you chasing after shit you don't even want anymore?
(sighs)
I'm exhausted, son.
Just watch my back.
Please.
(door bell)
JUICE: I'll get it.
Hey. GEMMA: - Hey.
I, uh, I got two more in the car.
JUICE: Sure.
GEMMA: Brought you some basics.
Change up your diet of bourbon and cornflakes.
CLAY: Appreciate that.
JUICE: See you later.
GEMMA: Thanks, sweetheart.
CLAY: You okay?
JUICE: Yeah.
(exhales)
(door closes)
CLAY: Thank you.
GEMMA: No.
(sniffles) Not here.
Let's go home.
Thank you.
OTTO: Put it around my neck.
Please, just for a few minutes.
Next to my heart.
Thank you. TARA: - You're welcome.
OTTO: Can I get a minute alone?
It's been a very long time since I've prayed.
TARA: - Uh, sure. OTTO: - Thank you.
TARA: I'll just... bring these to the lab.
I'll be back in a few minutes. OTTO: - Okay.
(door beeps, buzzes)
(call button buzzes)
(sighs)
PAM: What do you want, Delaney?
OTTO: Get me the hell out of here.
PAM: Where's Dr. Knowles?
OTTO: I'm fine.
PAM: Where's his chart?
It's not here.
OTTO: Let's go! Come on!
PAM: Bring him back to the guard.
You don't look sick to me, Delaney.
TARA: What are you doing?
PAM: Are you done with him?
TARA: No.
Uh, no.
I was just checking these X-rays.
(grunts)
PAM: - Guard! Guard! TARA: - No!
PAM: Guard!
TARA: No.
Please.
Don't.
OTTO: Sons live, Redwood bleeds.
TARA: No.
No.
No!
(screaming) (door buzzes) No!
JAX: How'd it go?
JUICE: Nothing yet.
JAX: Ticking clock, Juice.
You should find it.
Soon.
JUICE: What happens when I do?
To Clay.
JAX: The same thing that happens to you if you don't find it.
(sighs)
UNSER: Jax.
I appreciate the digs.
JAX: Sure.
How's that board in there looking?
Anything new pinned on it?
UNSER: Nothing we both don't already know.
Any, uh, word on Frankie Diamonds?
JAX: My guess is you can pull his pin out.
UNSER: Right.
Three down, one to go.
JAX: Why don't you go grab yourself a beer.
UNSER: All right, thanks.
JAX: You do know I'm gonna expect some labor in exchange for the space.
UNSER: I'll work on my pole dancing.
GEMMA: What's the matter?
Why you still dressed?
CLAY: I know how bad I hurt us, Gem.
I guess, uh... I guess I'm just surprised I'm even back here at all.
You don't have to believe this, Gem, but it's true.
The only good that came out of all the chaos that I created is that it showed me the one thing I cared about, the only thing I cared about is you, baby.
I don't want to do this, be here, unless it's...
...really something you want.
I can't handle losing you twice.
(motorcycle engine stops)
JAX: You here to tell me I should leave town?
ROOSEVELT: Where is he?
JAX: Juice?
The clubhouse, with the guys.
ROOSEVELT: How?
You're suddenly struck with the conscience?
JAX: No more than you, Sheriff.
ROOSEVELT: Don't compare our guilt.
JAX: Hey, brother, once you cross the line, there is no comparing.
There's just that side of the line.
Don't worry about Juice.
I'll take care of him.
ROOSEVELT: Are you gonna take care of Clay, too?
d*ad Frankie... the bull goose sh*t caller?
Unlikely.
I know it was Clay.
JAX: So do I.
Looks like we got another common goal.
ROOSEVELT: I'm not gonna let this one end up d*ad in the back of a Ford, you understand?
JAX: Okay.
I'm open to suggestions.
Hey.
How'd it go today?
TARA: Otto reversed his RICO statement.
JAX: You're kidding.
How?
What happened?
TARA: He k*lled a nurse.
Brutally.
Now the feds will have to throw out his testimony.
JAX: Jesus, babe.
He did that with you there?
TARA: With a crucifix he gave Luann.
He asked me to bring it to him.
I did.
JAX: Oh, shit.
(Tara scoffs)
TARA: He had it all planned, Jax.
He saved the MC, but he... needed to hurt you...
(Jax sighs)
...the way you hurt him-- someone you love.
They're gonna find out I gave him that m*rder w*apon, who I am, why I was there.
(scoffs)
He made me an accessory to m*rder.
JAX: Babe... I'm not gonna let that happen.
Okay?
We're gonna get through this, like we do everything else.
TARA: That's what scares me the most.
♪
♪ | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "05x10 - Crucifixed"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
JAX: Otto k*lling that nurse, that'll make RICO go away?
LOWEN: Yes, but this could unravel for Tara. She could do serious time for this.
OTTO: RICO is d*ad, bitch. I ain't giving you shit.
LEE: These next few months will be the most excruciatingly painful time of your sick and miserable life.
LUIS: k*lling RICO was Jax making a move to end our deal.
JAX: You think I'm just gonna cut ties without setting you up with something else? Mayans will mule from AZ. Niners will still push Pope's weight into Reno.
LUIS: Who gets us the Irish g*n?
LIN: I can dip into Gaza, German sn*pers, some anti-t*nk shit.
JAX: - Can you make it work? LIN: - Yeah.
CLAY: I'm gonna be forced to create some new opportunities outside of SAMCRO.
DAMON: How much longer you need Trager on that leash?
JAX: I'm still putting together the pieces on how to bring Clay down. When that happens, you can have Trager. The safe that the Nomads stole when they broke in, they gave Clay back all the legal shit. That's gonna prove Clay is a traitor and a m*rder.
TARA: Wendy came by the hospital; we have to tell him the truth, Jax.
JAX: No, we don't.
NERO: You took Jax Teller?
FIASCO: Why the hell would we do that, ese?
NERO: 'Cause you want g*n.
You ponchos wanted me back?
I'm back.
JAX: I'm tired of being crushed under the weight of greedy men who believe in nothing.
I have to change that.
JAX: There will be days when you're forced to make decisions that affect the lives of everyone you love-- choices that will change you forever.
You reach an age when you realize that being a man isn't about respect or strength, it's about being aware of all the things you touch.
Children face inward, wallow in their own selfish needs.
Men face out, take action on the needs of others.
I'm at that place, boys.
I'm staring one of those decisions in the face.
It looks back at me with historical eyes and it calls me a coward... a k*ller... a fraud.
It wants me to crack and run from the service of my fate like a broken boy.
Today, I will not do that.
Today, I will be the man my father tried to be.
I will make you proud.
(knocking)
BOBBY: Guys are all here.
JAX: Good.
Let's get this day locked down.
It's gonna be a big one.
We get a time yet from Gaalan?
BOBBY: 2:00 at the barn.
There's something we got to handle first.
JAX: What?
BOBBY: I'm bringing Clay to the table.
JAX: What're you talking about?
BOBBY: He's gonna admit what he did with the Nomads.
Then we decide what to do with him.
JAX: What are you doing, Bobby?
BOBBY: My job.
CLAY: I was lying in a hospital bed, thinking about all the shit I lost.
I wasn't ready to let it go.
I reached out to Frankie Diamonds.
He was the one that suggested the home invasions.
We figured we could rattle some of the folks close to the club, make it look like the MC was gonna hurt Charming and that Jax couldn't protect his own.
Frankie pulled in Gogo and Greg.
I promised to split my percentages when I got the gavel back.
BOBBY: And attacking Unser at your house took the focus from you?
CLAY: Yeah.
CHIBS: And Eli's old lady?
CLAY: You know, when they picked up the East Dub crew, I thought that was a good way to put the att*cks on to Pope.
And now with Jax working with him, figured I could use it to help sway the club my way.
I never wanted anybody to get hurt.
TIG: But they did.
You hurt a lot of people.
CLAY: You know, I-I don't expect anyone to believe this, and I ain't saying it wasn't
'cause of my pride and my greed,
'cause it was, but the main reason I was trying to push out Jax was because I didn't think he was ready to lead.
This cartel shit, the pressure with the Irish, I didn't think he could handle it.
I was wrong.
He's proving to be a better leader than I ever was.
(sighs)
I'll be in the garage.
JAX: We heard his story.
Vote has to be unanimous.
Does anyone else have anything they'd like to say?
All in favor of Clay losing his patch?
Yea.
CHIBS: Yea.
TIG: Yea.
HAPPY: Yea.
PHIL: Yea.
JUICE: Yea.
BOBBY: Yea.
JAX: As far as the mayhem goes... let's hear pros and cons.
CHIBS: He's a traitor.
I ain't buying this humble, "for the good of the club" bullshit.
He's done.
JAX: Anyone else?
All in favor of Clay Morrow meeting Mr. Mayhem.
Yea.
CHIBS: Yeah.
TIG: Yeah.
HAPPY: Yeah.
PHIL: Yea.
JUICE: Yeah.
BOBBY: No.
(gavel bangs)
CHIBS: I'll go get him.
(grunting)
(primal scream)
CHIBS: Jackie!
Jackie!
Jackie, come on!
Jack, come on!
Jax, Jax!
Come on. TIG: - Jackie!
TIG: Off! Come on!
CHIBS: - Easy! TIG: - Come on!
CHIBS: Leave it!
TIG: It's done.
(panting)
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you d*e ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
JAX: You made a deal with him behind my back.
BOBBY: We couldn't prove shit.
We both know that.
And there's no way that you would... could let...
Clay sit at this table.
Me either.
The shit he's done.
He needed to go away, and if I didn't make this deal, you would've k*lled him as soon as we were finished with Gaalan.
And you would've done it behind the club's back.
Do that once, next time just becomes a little easier, and before you know it, this thing that we have is pointless.
I stopped you from becoming the guy that you wanted to k*ll.
JAX: You think this vote protects Clay?
BOBBY: You want him d*ad.
Seems like the only choice today.
But I know you, Jax.
The right thing settles in.
JAX: And how is letting him walk the "right thing"?
BOBBY: I know you see it as betrayal.
I took that risk because I love you.
And this club needs you.
We're broken.
JAX: I've had a hard time feeling any love or brotherhood since Opie d*ed.
BOBBY: You just lost your way a bit, brother.
JAX: No, I found it, finally.
Opie was right.
The gavel corrupts.
You can't sit in this chair without being a savage.
BOBBY: I know.
JAX: You don't know shit.
You counsel from fear.
You want me moving in comfortable, cozy circles, and I can't do that.
You should go.
(lighter clicks)
GEMMA: You-you really should go to the ER, baby.
CLAY: I'll be fine.
GEMMA: Some of these need stitches.
CLAY: Can you, uh... Can you just give me a minute alone?
GEMMA: Yeah.
Sure.
(sobbing)
TARA: Have a good day, okay?
I love you.
Here, take this.
Bye.
LOWEN: This is convenient.
TARA: Yeah.
LOWEN: Do you have something in place for them?
The boys. In case anything were to happen to you.
Or Jax.
Do you have a living trust or will of any kind?
TARA: I don't know.
The marriage thing happened kind of fast.
I know Jax has life insurance.
LOWEN: That's good, but who gets custody?
Gemma? TARA: - No.
(sighs)
I don't know.
LOWEN: I can help you with that.
(door opens)
CHIBS: Jackie boy, sorry to bother you, but August just called, and, uh, Pope wants a meeting.
Charming Heights.
JAX: When?
CHIBS: Now.
(camera beeps)
State your association with Otto Delaney.
TARA: He's a friend of the family.
He's a member of the motorcycle club, Sons of Anarchy.
You have affiliations with any other members?
TARA: My husband is the club president, Jackson Teller.
Is that why you decided to volunteer your medical services?
TARA: Yes.
My husband served time.
I know how difficult it can be.
I wanted to make a difference.
So it wasn't an attempt to visit Otto Delaney on behalf of the club?
TARA: No.
I didn't even know I'd have access to Otto.
I saw his request, did what I came here to do.
You were in the infirmary three days before Pamela Toric was m*rder.
You saw Delaney on all three of those days.
TARA: Yes, I treated him.
First for staph, then I did tests for meningitis.
And you know Otto's blood work showed no signs of either ailment.
LOWEN: My client responded to the patient's symptomatic condition.
Whether they were real or not isn't the issue.
Of course.
Were you aware that bringing anything to a prisoner is in direct violation of the agreement you signed?
(Lowen whispering)
TARA: I didn't study the contract, so, no, I wasn't aware of that specifically.
So you thought it was okay to bring a violent felon something he could use as a w*apon?
LOWEN: Dr. Knowles brought a desperate man something to pray with.
He was in restraints when she put the crucifix around his neck.
Yes, it was naive, but she had no idea what he would do.
That true, Doctor?
TARA: Yes.
I had no idea what he was capable of.
JAX: What's all this?
AUGUST: Pope Partners is evaluating Hale's project.
It's promising.
JAX: Where do you land in the Pope organizational chart, Augie?
AUGUST: Advisor.
Confidant.
JAX: No title?
VP of Special Deeds?
Heir to the blood throne?
AUGUST: Been with Mr. Pope since I was 17, if that tells you anything.
JAX: Tells me you're loyal.
Or patient.
All right.
Okay, great.
POPE: Charming Heights is shaping up to be significant.
It's a smart development.
JAX: Hale's a shitty mayor, but he's a good developer.
POPE: We all can't be all things.
You had a close call last night.
I'm glad you and the cartel came to an agreement on Clay's exit.
JAX: It's not done yet.
I'm gonna need you to push
20 more keys out to Reno.
Offset the cost of the Chinese g*n.
POPE: Shouldn't be a problem.
You're good at this, Jackson.
Sure you want to get out of the drug business?
JAX: Yeah, I'm sure.
POPE: Hmm.
Can I ask your advice on something?
POPE: Course.
JAX: You make big decisions every day, take advice from people you trust.
You ever choose to go against that?
Just do something everyone tells you is a bad idea?
POPE: This about Clay Morrow?
JAX: Club voted to take his patch.
POPE: Mmm.
JAX: I want to take more.
POPE: Shit.
Democracy's overrated.
Revenge is never about the greater good.
It's a visceral need that has to be satisfied or the strong lose focus.
JAX: How do I scratch that visceral itch without tearing my club apart?
POPE: You can do both.
You just have to step away from your need to feel it.
Come at it from a different angle, different source.
Not about the process, it's about the result.
JAX: Payback by proxy?
Something like that.
And now I'm gonna need some results, Jax.
Clay's out; Trager served his purpose.
It's time.
JAX: I got to finish this deal with Lin and the Irish.
I'll deliver him tomorrow.
You just tell me when and where.
POPE: Good.
'Cause if you break this promise, everything else goes away.
Cartel-Lin deal, Charming Heights, and my agreement not to crush your club.
JAX: Tig was Clay's right hand.
I'll never see him as anything else.
(engines roaring)
JAX: Henry Lin, Romeo Parada.
ROMEO: My associate, Luis Torres.
LIN: Pleasure, gentlemen.
Appreciate you making the trip. (snaps fingers)
Russian Kornet with articulating tripod.
Thermal sight, 9M133 m*ssile.
Favorite of every small mobile army.
ROMEO: Damn!
Now that's beautiful.
(Luis laughs) How much?
LIN: 170-- 5K a m*ssile.
LUIS: What about the sn*pers and the 50 cals?
LIN: For 50 cals, I can get refurbished br*wnings.
Snipes, I got Mausers and Keppelers.
I'll get you prices.
ROMEO: br*wnings are good.
And we like Keppelers.
LUIS: So how many, how often?
LIN: My Palestinian friends made it sound like supply wasn't an issue, but, uh, gonna take them a minute to figure out how to get more than one in at a time.
ROMEO: How long of a minute?
LIN: That's a lot of personnel to buy off.
At least two or three months.
JAX: You told us you could get them every two weeks.
LIN: Yeah, once the route's locked down, but that shit takes time; you guys know that.
ROMEO: Ten Kornets.
Hundred m*ssile.
Two dozen br*wnings, two dozen K*-V with quick-release sil*ncer.
LUIS: Once you figured out the Hamas express, we'll want drops every two weeks.
Mayans MC will handle the transport.
250 down payment.
Just let us know the balance.
LIN: Absolutely.
Looking forward to doing business with you.
ROMEO: You should. We're gonna make you rich.
Galindo's getting pushed on two fronts by Lobo Sonora.
We just lost Tubutama; we can't wait three months for them Kornets.
LUIS: We're gonna need another shipment of RPGs from the Irish before we k*ll that tie.
ROMEO: Is that a problem?
JAX: Shouldn't be.
I'll ask Gaalan at the pickup.
ROMEO: Don't ask him.
Tell him.
TARA: Before I get into this, I want you to know that everything's okay.
WENDY: What?
TARA: Abel was in a car accident last week.
WENDY: Oh, my God.
TARA: There were no sustained injuries.
He had a minor procedure to correct his heartbeat, but he's fine.
WENDY: Jesus Christ.
Were you the one driving?
TARA: No.
Gemma.
She was stoned.
She crashed into a tree.
WENDY: Holy shit.
TARA: She's been on a tear.
We both know that.
I'm not letting her near the boys again.
WENDY: Why are you telling me this?
TARA: I thought about the last conversation we had, and, uh... well, I know it won't come easy to Jax, but as a mother, I get it.
WENDY: What does that mean exactly?
TARA: I might have to leave Charming.
WENDY: Why-- another job?
TARA: Yeah, I hope so.
There's an offer on the table from Providence Hospital.
WENDY: Oregon?
Jax okay with that?
TARA: We're still figuring it out.
But I've been dealing with the paperwork around all of that, and I...
I just realized, that if anything ever happens to me or, uh, to Jax, there's nobody I trust to take care of my boys.
I have no family.
WENDY: You do need that peace of mind.
TARA: Yeah, I do.
Abel's in day care.
You can spend some time with him if you want.
He's a lot of fun.
WENDY: I would really like that.
TARA: Well, I talked to Doreen, and you're on the list, so...
WENDY: What do I say to him?
TARA: Just tell him you're a friend of mine.
That's the best I can do for now.
WENDY: Okay.
Thank you. TARA: - Mm-hmm.
(Wendy laughs)
WENDY: Okay.
(brakes screech)
(truck door slams)
GAALAN: Where's Clay?
BOBBY: He turned in his patch.
It's been coming for a while.
GAALAN: He's out of the club?
JAX: Look, Gaalan.
I know you blame me for Kellan's d*ath.
And you're right, events in Belfast spun out of control.
I just want to say, I liked the priest.
He loved my dad.
He sacrificed himself for my son-- I know that.
But after our little dust-up, you bl*wing the shit out of our bikes.
I was hoping I might ease some of this tension.
You hate the Mexicans.
So do we.
Romeo wants this shipment, one more.
We give him that and we're done.
The MC and the IRA can go back to business as usual.
GAALAN: Aye.
JAX: What is this?
ROMEO: Talked to Damon Pope.
Heard all about Clay.
Thought we should come by and make sure the deal was moving forward.
JAX: I told you I would handle it.
LUIS: We know how stubborn the Irish can be.
GALAAN: And we all know how ignorant you bean n*gg*r*s can be.
ROMEO: Put the g*n in the truck.
GAALAN: Don't touch the bloody g*n.
JAX: We all want the same thing here!
(Spanish)
ROMEO: Okay, do it.
JAX: Shit!
Go!
Shit! Bobby!
Go, go!
(Spanish) Give it to me.
Let me have it.
Let's go!
(Spanish) Done, boss.
(Spanish) Go.
ROMEO: Put the g*n in the truck.
(Spanish) Everything's fine.
This buy is on the MC.
For k*lling my guys, and the inconvenience of our wait.
We'll call it even.
LUIS: Get your pasty white asses out of here.
GAALAN: This is on you, boy.
Sons is gonna feel this on both continents.
JAX: Lock down TM.
Alert families.
Get Tacoma down here.
Gaalan is gonna try to hurt us.
I need you find Gemma, you have her call me.
(phone ringing)
JUICE: Yeah.
JAX: You with Clay?
JUICE: Yeah, helping him collect his shit.
JAX: Good.
Listen closely.
FIASCO: Triple Two started running dog fights, warehouse on Palm.
NERO: That true?
ARCADIO: Yeah, this is Dante pushing us out.
Starting collecting, too.
NERO: Shit.
ARCADIO: Moved into Front Street, Quadro's Liquors, beauty supply, Lana's place, all started paying protection.
FIASCO: You wanted it back, ese, you got it.
But if we don't stop that bleeding now, ain't gonna be nothing left.
NERO: How long we got?
ARCADIO: They're moving fast.
Maybe a few days.
Got no choice, primo.
GEMMA: Hey, darling.
LYLA: Hey.
GEMMA: How's the ass?
LYLA: (laughs) How's it look?
GEMMA: Like a snack.
(Lyla laughs)
Where is he?
LYLA: Kitchen, but he's with a few of his crew.
He didn't want to be disturbed.
GEMMA: Well, you know me.
I'm subtle.
LYLA: Yeah.
NERO: I want to talk to the MC, maybe come up with a plan.
We'll move on this tomorrow. ARCADIO: - All right, man.
We'll be ready.
(Nero speaks indistinctly)
GEMMA: Problems?
NERO: No.
What are you doing here?
GEMMA: Need a favor.
Wondering if, uh, your doctor client could take a look at Clay.
NERO: What'd you do to him?
GEMMA: Not me.
It's Jax.
Clay got drummed out of the club this morning.
Jax gave him a going-away b*at-down.
NERO: Jesus.
You know that was coming down?
That's what you couldn't talk to me about?
GEMMA: Some of it.
What?
NERO: Clay's getting pushed out, your brown distraction here-- they're pulling me back in.
That little vato, uh, that's my cousin.
We started the crew together 25 years ago.
(chuckles): Shit.
Now the Byz-Lats are under siege, mama.
GEMMA: Your ghosts?
NERO: Yeah.
Ghosts.
I'll see if I can get my doc.
GEMMA: Okay.
Thanks.
NERO: What you said last night-- you meant that?
GEMMA: Yeah.
That okay with you?
LYLA: Hey. Sorry.
Tig just called.
Wants us all at the clubhouse.
Something went down with the Irish.
(Gemma sighs)
GEMMA: Damn it.
(Spanish)
I better leave all this shit.
JUICE: That's all of it, brother.
Pulled everything with a reaper.
CLAY: Thanks.
(sighs)
Let Happy know I'm, uh, I'm gonna take out the ink tonight.
We'll do it at TM, so there's no doubt it's been done.
JUICE: Yeah, okay.
CLAY: There's some vintage club shit in there.
You're welcome to it.
JUICE: Thank you.
CLAY: You always liked it.
JUICE: Yeah. It's beautiful.
CLAY: Piney gave it to me for my five-year. Always thought I'd give it to Ope.
JUICE: No, Clay, I can't.
CLAY: Come on. I got to get rid of it. It's my way of saying thanks.
(knocking)
TIG: Hey. Shit went south with Gaalan. We're in lockdown.
CLAY: Ah, Christ. Go ahead, Juice.
TIG: You, too.
CLAY: No, no. Jax don't want me anywhere...
TIG: I don't give a shit about that. You ain't safe here alone. Let's go. Come on.
JUICE: Yeah.
WENDY: Can you find it? Oh, let me see. Let me see. Got them!
JAX: Abel!
ABEL: Daddy! What are you doing with him?
WENDY: Just saying hi, as friends.
Tara knows.
JAX: I'm gonna take him back to day care.
You meet me outside.
WENDY: - Jax, I know you... JAX: - We'll do this outside.
(Wendy sighs)
JAX: We should get Tara and the boys back to TM.
CHIBS: We will.
You really want to do this now?
JAX: It's the last thing I wanna do, but I have to.
JAX: I won't be long.
CHIBS: I'll be right here.
JAX: Shit!
TARA: Can I help you?
LEE: I'm sorry.
Are you Dr. Knowles?
TARA: Yes.
How did you get in here?
LEE: A guy in a white lab coat said I could wait for you.
Lee Toric.
Pamela-- the nurse that was m*rder-- she was my sister.
TARA: Oh. (sighs)
I'm so sorry.
LEE: My family and I are out here for the funeral.
I knew you were there when it happened.
I just wanted to talk to you.
TARA: Of course.
Please sit down.
What can I do to help?
LEE: The prison investigator hasn't said much of anything.
I was hoping you could fill in the blanks.
TARA: I can try.
LEE: They said she was att*cked by an inmate who had some kind of cross.
TARA: Yes.
He threw her against a wall and knocked her out.
She was unconscious when he... he s*ab her in the throat.
I'm sure she didn't feel anything.
LEE: And he did that with a cross?
TARA: Yes.
She bled to d*ath from punctures wounds.
I wish I could've done more.
LEE: I'm sorry.
I can imagine how awful that was for you as well.
This is very helpful.
Thanks.
Do you know why the inmate att*cked her?
Were they arguing?
TARA: I don't really know.
I just came in as it happened.
LEE: He was your patient?
TARA: Yes.
LEE: This was third time you were treating him, right?
TARA: I think so.
LEE: How well did you know him?
TARA: I didn't really.
LEE: What about your husband?
Did he know him?
TARA: Who are you?
LEE: I already told you.
I'm the guy who just lost his little sister.
TARA: U.S. Marshal?
LEE: Retired.
TARA: Mm-hmm. And what do you want from me?
LEE: The truth. Your side.
Tomorrow, ISU will get Otto's side.
What do you think that's gonna sound like?
Maybe he tells them he m*rder my sister to protect his MC from a pending RICO investigation, and maybe he tells them he got the m*rder w*apon from the wife of the club's president.
TARA: I had no idea what he was gonna do with that crucifix.
LEE: I believe you.
But I also believed my niece and my nephew would grow up with a mother.
You can hold onto that card.
It's obsolete.
I'm still looking for a new job.
TARA: That was his sister, Jax.
He knew everything.
He said Otto gives his statement tomorrow.
I could be charged with conspiracy or even m*rder.
That's why I called Wendy today.
Lowen kept talking about wills and who's gonna take care of the boys if anything happened and... JAX: - And you think that should be Wendy?
TARA: Well, I know I don't want it to be your mother.
(knocking)
CHIBS: Jackie, Gaalan called.
JAX: What is he doing here?
CLAY: Gaalan reached out to to me.
He wants the g*n or the money.
He's gonna k*ll Wendy.
JAX: Does he know she's not my wife?
CLAY: Yeah, she made that clear.
He says next thing he does, he takes Abel, brings him to Belfast.
BOBBY: $475,000.
We pay back the Italians and Nero, we ain't even close.
TIG: No way in hell we're gonna get those g*n back from Romeo.
NERO: Sorry, I couldn't help but hear.
I may have a solution... if you give me a minute.
JAX: Get out.
NERO: Got the doc out here.
Take care of those cuts.
CLAY: Thanks.
NERO: I can get that cash.
JAX: It's almost half a mil.
NERO: And I got it.
Money for the ranch.
JAX: Norco?
No, that's your exit money, man.
NERO: Bro, I could've bought my uncle's farm over a year ago.
Diosa was doing great.
I wasn't ready to step away.
JAX: And you're the one jamming me about speeding up the end game?
NERO: Yeah, well, you know, you seek out the people that you need, right?
I saw you making all the same mistakes.
Maybe I was just yelling at myself.
JAX: And now it's too late.
But you knew that was gonna happen.
NERO: I guess I did.
You can't stay in uniform and not play the game, man.
JAX: Yeah.
NERO: Now I'm gonna be looking for g*n, mano, and friends.
We're gonna be pushing back Dante Ramirez and his Three Two Crew, so you consider the money for the girl a down payment.
JAX: A loan or money for goods and services?
NERO: Another partnership.
GEMMA: That was brutal today.
JAX: I know.
Not the way I wanted it to go.
You sit down, please.
CLAY: Thanks for backing me up.
TIG: I did it for Jax.
I'm gonna check things out.
CLAY: You don't have to feel guilty.
I know Bobby was the only "no" vote.
TIG: I don't feel guilty.
You earned it.
CLAY: Yeah.
I did.
It's all here.
GAALAN: Let her go.
CLAY: You okay?
WENDY (moans): Get me the hell out of here.
CLAY: All right. Tig's out by my car.
I'll be right there.
GAALAN: Sorry it had to come to this.
CLAY: Yeah, me, too.
GAALAN: There'll be repercussions.
No trust.
Could be the end of an era.
CLAY: Jax wants that era to end.
Yeah.
Just a matter of time before he hands off all the g*n business to the Chinese.
But... that don't have to end the Real IRA business stateside.
I'm gonna put together a crew, run 'em independent.
Work out of the MC in Belfast.
I'm sure I could pick up the lion's share of all of SAMCRO's business-- Italians, Oregon, Washington.
They'd rather work with me than Lin anyway.
GAALAN: How's the club react to that?
CLAY: I'm a free agent.
I'll kick 'em back the same thing Lin does-- keep it clean.
GAALAN: I'll run it past the Kings.
CLAY: Uh... I may need to lay low for a minute, brother.
Was hoping to catch a cargo ride back to Belfast, regroup there.
Wait for some of the heat to d*e down in Charming.
I know.
I'm asking a lot.
GAALAN: You're the only American I trust, Clay.
CLAY: Yeah.
I'm a real patriot.
GAALAN: Meet me here tomorrow, half four.
I have a charter leaving out of Mendocino.
Give you a lift.
CLAY: I'm, uh... I'm hoping to bring Gemma.
GAALAN: So long as she doesn't pack like my wife, there'll be room.
CLAY: Thank you, friend.
How's the junkie?
TIG: She's angry as ever.
What were you guys talking about?
CLAY: That offer I made you the other day.
I'm gonna work with the Irish.
TIG: g*n?
CLAY: Yeah, independent.
I'm gonna pick up all the business the club lets go of.
No politics, no beefs.
Just money.
Think about it.
It's my way of starting to make up for all the damage.
WENDY: He was kidnapped, Jax.
The Irishman told me all about it.
Every detail-- how he was taken from your house, how you tracked him down in Belfast... JAX: - He told you that to scare you.
WENDY: Well, it worked.
JAX: Nothing happened to Abel.
I got him home safe.
WENDY: Yeah, and you would think that with a close call like that that it might've motivated you to get the hell out of this.
But instead no, what do you do?
You knock her up, spit out another kid, and throw your entire family against the chaos.
And, you, how could you live like this?
What is wrong with you?
TARA: You don't know what I've been through.
WENDY: Oh, bullshit.
You know I'm right.
JAX: My boys are safe.
And so are you.
WENDY: Oh. And I suppose I should be grateful, right?
Because you could've just left me there, let them cut my heart out or whatever those IRA psychos do.
JAX: Tig will take you home.
WENDY: This doesn't end with me just going home, Jax.
You know, I wanted to do this the right way.
Sane and sober.
But clearly, whatever is going on around here is beyond sanity.
And I've got the proof.
Abel being kidnapped, the shit that happened to me today-- I'm gonna report it.
And then I'm coming after my son.
TARA: What do we do now, Jax?
That was not an idle thr*at from Wendy.
What do we do about Clay?
Gemma?
This marshal?
I-I can't see it anymore, baby.
I'm sorry.
I-I've tried.
JAX: Wendy can't prove shit.
There's no record of Abel ever being in Belfast.
And Clay and Gemma, that's gonna work itself out.
I can promise you that.
And Otto and this marshal-- it ain't gonna add up to shit.
You're not going to jail.
Come here.
I'm gonna give you a beautiful life.
JAX: Thank you.
NERO: Talk tomorrow, yeah?
JAX: Yeah.
Tig take Wendy?
CHIBS: Aye.
JAX: Get him on the phone.
CHIBS: Right.
Time to earn your rent, Chief.
You find out everything you can.
UNSER: U.S. Marshal?
Anything I should know?
JAX: Otto just k*lled his sister.
CHIBS: Tig.
JAX: Hold on.
You ready?
HAPPY: All set up.
BOBBY: Hey, can I talk to you alone for a minute?
JAX: No.
BOBBY: We need to talk this shit out.
JAX: I'm sure the right thing will settle in.
But today, if I get you alone, VP, I'm gonna tear your g*dd*mn head off.
Yeah.
GEMMA: Hi.
(sighs softly)
CLAY: You never asked me why I lost the patch.
GEMMA: I guess I didn't want to know.
CLAY: Originals.
(sighs)
GEMMA: Why?
CLAY: I thought I wanted the club back.
You know, money, weight.
I was wrong.
The only thing I lost that matters is you, Gem.
You're the only thing I want back.
GEMMA: I don't know what to say to that.
CLAY: Listen... Jax is gonna k*ll me if I stay in Charming right now, so I made a deal with Gaalan to pick up some of the g*n slack left by the club.
He's gonna give me safe haven in Belfast until I think it makes sense to come back.
Come with me.
GEMMA: Oh, Jesus Christ, Clay, I can't just pick up and leave.
CLAY: You hire somebody to help Chucky.
It's two months.
Besides, as tense as things are with Tara, probably do you some good to step away.
GEMMA: When are you going?
CLAY: Tomorrow afternoon.
Gaalan's got a charter jet outside of Mendocino.
There's room for you.
GEMMA: I'll think about it.
CLAY: Really?
GEMMA: Yeah.
They say change is good, right?
(knocking)
(Clay sighs)
CLAY: You better go.
I'll sleep at my place tonight.
The ink will ruin your sheets.
GEMMA: Okay.
I'll check on you later.
♪
♪
(needle buzzing)
♪
♪
(engine starts)
NERO: Yeah?
LYLA: You got a visitor.
NERO: Thank you.
♪
♪
♪
♪
(engine starts)
JAX: Which one is it?
TIG: Top floor.
JAX: You pick it up?
TIG: Yeah.
I h*t Kentfield.
It's ready to sh**t.
JAX: Thanks, bro.
TIG: Jax, why you doing this?
JAX: Keeping life beautiful.
(knocks)
WENDY: Who is it?
JAX: Jax.
WENDY: What are you doing here?
JAX: Look, I'm sorry.
Everything you said tonight, it's been ringing in my head.
Can we talk?
Please?
Where is your partner?
WENDY: She's in Frisco with her mom.
Hey!
(grunts)
(choking)
JAX: Tomorrow, I call the rehab you work at.
I tell them you showed up at my kid's day care, out of your mind, babbling about him being kidnapped by the IRA.
That you were held hostage.
And I tell them you were high as shit and I'm afraid you're a danger to my child.
Then I demand a drug test.
WENDY: No! No, no, no!
Jax, please, no! No!
(sobbing)
(coughs)
(panting)
JAX: You don't ever thr*at my family again. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "05x12 - Darthy"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
JAX: I just watched my best friend get beaten to death. Now I need Trager outside, and knowing I saved his life gives me an internal advantage I'm gonna need. And when I'm done, you can send him out the same way you did his kid.
BOBBY: I need a minute.
CLAY: You here to k*ll me?
BOBBY: I'm here to keep you alive.
JAX: You made a deal with him behind my back.
BOBBY: If I didn't make this deal, you would've k*lled him.
ROOSEVELT: I know it was Clay.
JAX: So do I. Looks like we got another common goal.
CLAY: It's my way of saying thanks.
DAMON: Clay is out. Trager served his purpose.
JAX: I'll deliver him tomorrow.
TARA: Who are you?
LEE: Lee Toric, the guy who just lost his little sister.
TARA: U.S. Marshal. And what do you want from me?
LEE: The truth. Your side. Tomorrow ISU will get Otto's side. What do you think that's gonna sound like?
JAX: Time to earn your rent, Chief. You find out everything you can.
UNSER: U.S. Marshal?
FIASCO: Triple Two started running dog fights.
ARCADIO: Yeah, this is Dante pushing us out.
JAX: You want to fix the damage you've done?
GEMMA: Yes.
JAX: Clay was the one that put the Nomads in motion.
GEMMA: You want me to spy on him?
JAX: I want you to be with him.
GEMMA: The thing you want me to do, I need to know that what you promised is real.
TARA: If you help him get what he needs from Clay, you can have that key back.
And the family that goes with it.
CLAY: I was hoping to catch a cargo ride back to Belfast.
I'm hoping to bring Gemma.
GEMMA: Oh, Jesus Christ, Clay, I can't just pick up and leave.
CLAY: It's two months.
Probably do you some good to step away.
LOWEN: Do you have something in place for them?
The boys.
In case anything were to happen to you.
TARA: If anything happens to me, there's nobody I trust to take care of my boys.
WENDY: I've got the proof.
Abel being kidnapped, the shit that happened to me today--
I'm gonna report it.
I'm coming after my son.
JAX: Can we talk?
(Wendy grunts, shouts)
You don't ever burden my family again.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
(sighs)
_
_
(men speaking indistinctly)
(motorcycle approaching)
(pops kickstand)
DAMON: I'm assuming you're here to shore up the details.
JAX: I am.
But, you know, it dawned on me.
JAX: Once I hand over Tig, might be the end of these little chats.
I'm gonna miss that.
DAMON: How so?
JAX: Now that I handed over the coke to the Mayans, only thing I got left you want is Trager.
DAMON: You don't think I'm gonna come through on Charming Heights?
No faith, son.
(chuckles)
JAX: I'm just following your business model.
DAMON: Uh-huh.
JAX: Trust no one.
DAMON: What do you want?
JAX: Some kind of letter of intent, locking down your interest and my needs.
AUGUST: The maintenance contracts.
JAX: And the subsidized housing for Opie's family.
Plus SAMCRO's percentage for me bringing all the parties together.
DAMON: Relax.
The deal is moving forward.
The paperwork's already started.
JAX: Then one more piece of paper doesn't make a difference, right?
You're committing to Charming Heights; I'm committing to handing over a brother for you to m*rder.
That sounds fair to me.
AUGUST: I'm here all day with the lawyers.
We could put something together.
DAMON: You get your piece of paper.
JAX: Thank you.
One for me and one for Hale?
We got some business in Stockton this morning, but I should be able to break Tig away this afternoon.
Has to be in Sanwa.
He's gonna get skittish if I try to lead him to Oakland.
DAMON: We have a storage garage in Middle River.
Private, rural.
2:00.
AUGUST: I'll text you the info.
JAX: We'll be there.
AUGUST: Almost done, my friend.
(motorcycle starts)
DAMON: Yeah.
Yes.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
(radio playing)
(side bag shuts)
CLAY: I'm leaving my tools.
Tig and Chibs stole most of my shit anyway.
GEMMA: Yeah.
I'll let 'em know.
Uh... Chucky, Tara's waiting for those car mats.
Maybe you could go drop 'em off.
CHUCKY: Absolument.
CLAY: French?
What happened to the rhymes?
GEMMA: I thr*at to auction his hands off on eBay.
(chuckles)
CLAY: Gaalan's all set for me-- 4:30, Wahewa barn.
(sighs)
GEMMA: My suitcase is in the car.
CLAY: Thank you.
It's gonna be a fresh start for us, Gem.
I promise.
GEMMA: Yeah.
The honeymoon we never had.
w*r-torn Belfast.
Can't wait.
All right now, go on.
Get out of here.
I got to get shit organized for two-fingered Pierre out there.
CLAY: Uh, 3:00, my place?
GEMMA: Yeah.
MARGARET: Nerves and muscles are communicating normally.
(Tara sighs)
No permanent damage, Tara.
Dr. Balian thinks you'll be operating within six months.
TARA: That's amazing.
I just didn't... expect this.
MARGARET: I knew you'd heal.
You're too good of a surgeon.
There's a lot of people you still need to help.
WENDY: Sorry to interrupt.
TARA: Can you, um, forward these to Karen Dunhill?
MARGARET: Sure.
TARA: I tried to call you at work.
WENDY: Yeah.
I took a sick day.
TARA: You okay?
WENDY: You have no idea what happened to me last night, do you?
TARA: What are you talking about?
WENDY: Jax came to my house last night after Tig dropped me off.
Told me to back off from his family... and thr*at to tell my work that I came here looking for Abel, high and out of control.
TARA: Well, that's not true.
People here know... WENDY: - Well, unfortunately, a positive drug test might make it true 'cause he banged a speedball into my shoulder.
(Tara exhales)
TARA: Oh, my God.
WENDY: Yeah.
You should be horrified.
TARA: I can't believe he would do that.
WENDY: Believe it.
The MC, this town, it kills all the shit you love.
You need to get those boys away from here.
TARA: I-I'm trying to set that up.
WENDY: Trying is never gonna get you out.
Go to Oregon now before something awful happens to you and your sons.
And if you don't do it, I will, because I don't give a shit about custody!
TARA: I'm getting out!
I'm getting out.
WENDY: Good.
GEMMA: Is that for me?
CHUCK: Tara. I dropped off the mats, and I found this on the front porch.
Perishables. Adieu.
_
(exhales)
ANYA: Nero, they're pressing all of us.
They trash my shop.
They come in and they take whatever shit they want.
And Dante says now we have to pay Triple Two for protection.
I mean, we all knew you split.
I mean, what the hell are we supposed to do, huh?
NERO: Okay, I get it, Anya.
I get it.
I'm sorry I let that happen.
I'm here now.
Mm? And we're gonna handle Dante, mi vida.
ARCADIO: And we'll make sure the street knows.
NERO: Come on, guachale.
ANYA: Gracias.
JAX: We got a plan?
NERO: Cut off the g*dd*mn head.
Dante, he's running out of a rag warehouse, two blocks, the end of Palm.
Fights are in progress.
CHIBS: Is he there now?
ARCADIO: Not sure.
JAX: All right, check it out.
Why don't you let the white boys go in, just a few fight fans.
We'll see what we're dealing with.
NERO: Yeah. Cool.
BOBBY: How big's his crew?
NERO: Like, 15.
ARCADIO (scoffs): Been recruiting.
Closer to 20.
FIASCO: It's probably more, homes.
NERO: Right now we got four other guys, plus your crew...
No, that still leaves us a little light.
JAX: Don't worry about that.
I got the Cholo cavalry on the way.
(dogs barking viciously, men shouting, loud music playing)
(dog yelping in pain)
Get him! Get him!
(loud music, shouting continue)
JAX: Take a look around. TIG: Yeah.
(barking, shouting, loud music continue)
(dog yelping in pain)
(dog yelping in pain)
(dog growling)
(loud music continues, men shouting indistinctly)
(dog whining)
CHIBS: Jackie.
JAX (quietly): Shit.
(barking continues)
(music, barking continue in distance)
(dog whining quietly)
(Tig groans)
TIG: Aw, you got to be kidding me.
(hammer cocks) Hey!
I will blow your g*dd*mn head off.
Who the hell are you, man?
JAX: Tig! Hey!
TIG (panting): Look at this shit, brother.
Look at this.
This is so wrong.
JAX: That's not what we're doing here.
TIG: Yeah.
Yeah.
Where is Dante?
Where's Dante, you piece of shit?
Thr-Through there, man.
Uses one of the supply rooms as an office.
CHIBS: Tiggy. Come on.
JAX: All right, get out of here.
TIG: Leave the dog.
JAX: Go take him inside. Go tell Nero. Now.
PHIL: Yes, sir.
(dog whining)
WOMAN: Of course.
They can live with the case.
To be safe... my love.
Yes.
Always.
(Spanish) Is it ready? Take it.
JAX: Put 'em down! Now! Now!
BOBBY: Give it up!
Now, Dante. - Okay.
Now, on the floor!
(drops g*n to floor)
Don't move. Stay.
(Spanish) They're here!
(Spanish) Go get them!
JAX: Change of plans. Come on.
DANTE: Go!
Don't let 'em get out!
(shouts indistinctly)
♪
♪
(g*n, grunting)
♪
♪
(motorcycles rumbling loudly)
(shouts indistinctly)
JAX: Dante!
Chibs!
Turn around. Turn around.
On your knees.
NERO: Shut 'em down!
♪
♪
JAX: Go, here!
(grunting)
(yelling)
(grunting, pained yelling)
(pained yelling continues)
NERO: He's running!
(continues yelling)
NERO: Ha-ha! Yeah!
WOMAN: Shit!
NERO: No!
(dog barking, growling) DANTE: Oh, shit!
Oh! Aah!
NERO: What?! What?
CHIBS: - Saw that. - Are you okay?
DANTE: Let me out of here!
JAX: Shit's got to hurt.
(Dante screaming)
NERO: We should probably let him out.
CHIBS: That would be the good Catholic thing to do.
(Nero laughing)
(Dante grunting, yelling)
JAX: Hey, babe.
Can we talk?
JAX: Come on.
Can you give us a minute?
(French) CHUCK: How are you, mister and miss?
(French) Do you want some?
JAX: What's going on?
TARA: Uh, I had that... nerve exam this morning.
(laughs softly)
There's no permanent damage.
They think I'll be operating within six months.
(Jax laughs)
JAX (whispers): Oh, my God.
That's good, right?
TARA: Yeah.
(sniffs) Yeah.
JAX: You're still worried about all that shit that happened yesterday?
TARA: Yeah.
I guess I just need a little... clarity.
JAX: Look, babe... Otto was gonna give his statement today.
Lowen is gonna figure out what our next move is, and we're gonna put this shit behind us.
That's the truth.
TARA: And what about Wendy?
JAX: Wendy'll back off.
TARA: How do you know?
JAX: She can't prove shit.
She's just a junkie.
She's never gonna get custody.
(door opens)
Chucky, split.
CHUCK: J'accepte que.
JAX: So whatcha got?
UNSER: Found out what I could about Mr. Lee Toric.
JAX: What?
UNSER: Harvard education.
Ex-Special Forces.
Recruited into the U.S. Marshals in '91.
Lots of high-profile arrests.
Commendations up the yang, as well as a long list of misconduct violations... excessive force, intimidation, racial profiling.
Looks like he was, uh, forced into early retirement.
The little sister-- she was his only family.
(chains jangling)
You stay here.
It'll be a minute.
(door closes)
(Otto laughs)
(door opens)
(Otto sighs)
(beep)
(chirp)
Please state your name for the record.
(sighing)
(Otto yells)
Jesus Christ!
(yelling)
Guard!
(yelling)
(weeping)
LEE: Wow.
Way to commit... Otto.
(Otto weeps)
TARA: You looking for me?
GEMMA: No, I'm here for in-vitro counseling.
(Gemma sighs)
When were you gonna tell me about Oregon?
I know all about the Providence offer.
TARA: It just came up.
GEMMA: Bullshit.
Does Jax know?
TARA: Not all the details.
GEMMA: Well, here's a detail for you.
You're not taking my family anywhere.
TARA: They're my sons.
GEMMA: Shut up, you lying bitch.
I am done with your little power push.
Shit I've done to buy my way back to those boys...
TARA: That didn't work, did it?
Clay's still standing.
GEMMA: You got no idea.
TARA: What I got is my family, and I am pulling them out of this g*dd*mn cesspool.
Far away from you, SAMCRO, and all the shit that comes with it.
(Tara sighs)
GEMMA: You take one step out of Charming, and the only place you're going is prison.
All I got to do is reach out to those investigators.
Tell 'em you asked me to bring you that cross.
I'm sure there's plenty of security footage of us on that lot.
And afterwards, you told me exactly what you were going to have Otto do...
k*ll an innocent to reverse RICO.
You had it all planned.
TARA: Jax would k*ll you.
GEMMA: Well, he might as well. I'm d*ad without my boys. But at least I would have the satisfaction of knowing you were locked up, getting fist-r*ped until they were well into their 20s.
(Tara groans and gasps loudly)
Hope you're not pregnant.
TARA: Mm. You can't hurt me anymore, Gemma. You do what you have to do, but I'm leaving Charming. And my sons are coming with me. Yeah, do that. Sounds good.
(phone rings)
AUGUST: Hello.
JAX: It's Jax. You let him know I'm running a little late.
AUGUST: Is there a problem?
JAX: Not at all.
JAX: Hey. That was one of Nero's guys. They found the breeder supplying the fight dogs. Asked if we could shut it down.
TIG: Oh, I'll gut that son of a bitch.
JAX: I'm gonna take Tig.
CHIBS: No. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. You have got no idea what the hell you're walking into.
JAX: We'll handle it.
Let's go.
(knocking)
CLAY: You're early.
GEMMA: Yeah.
Bag's in the car.
CLAY: Juice.
JUICE: Got it.
CLAY: Did you take care of everything?
GEMMA: Yeah.
I'm ready.
(engines revving)
TIG: It's quiet, man.
Man, you sure this is the place?
I don't see any kennels or pens.
JAX: Yeah, this is the place.
(g*n chamber clicking)
Give me the piece.
TIG: What?
What are you talking about?
JAX: The g*n, Tig, and the Kn*fe.
TIG: - Jax... JAX: - Do it!
TIG: All right.
What the hell's going on, man?
Tell me!
(car approaching)
Oh, no, no, no.
Man, no.
Jax, come on.
JAX: Sorry, man.
TIG: You rat bastard.
g*dd*mn it!
DAMON: Hey.
You made it on time.
JAX: Yeah.
TIG: Jax, please, brother.
Please, come on.
Think about what you're doing here.
Who this scumbag is.
Who that scumbag is.
DAMON: Him, too.
The g*n.
It's just a precaution.
JAX: Right.
TIG: Brother... you're giving me up to this assh*le.
And you saw what he did to Dawn.
You know what?
She was screaming my name.
She was going, "Daddy!"
JAX: Shut him up.
TIG: "Daddy."
JAX: Shut him up!
(Tig grunts)
(Tig groans)
JAX: Did you bring it?
DAMON: We sent one to Hale's lawyer as well.
JAX: Thank you.
I'd do it in the garage.
Spotted a couple hikers on the way in.
Sound travels out here.
I'll wait till you're done.
DAMON: Tie him up.
JAX: I'm gonna need the cut.
DAMON: Would you...?
It all comes around, Tiggy.
DAMON: Inside the garage.
Right there.
DAMON: Veronica.
That was her name.
(Tig mutters)
(grunting)
JAX: Don't!
You stay down.
(laughing)
DAMON: Hey, this was not our agreement, son.
JAX: No.
It wasn't.
(Tig pants)
JAX: You k*ll the man that b*rned your kid alive.
DAMON: You stupid cr*cker bitch.
You know what happens to whoever kills me, right?
JAX: I'm counting on it.
(panting)
JAX: I'm sorry.
I couldn't tell you.
He would have picked up on something.
TIG: He could have k*lled me right away, bro.
JAX: But he didn't.
TIG: No, he didn't.
(Tig pants loudly)
That's Clay's g*n?
JAX: Yeah, it is.
Is that gonna be a problem for you?
TIG: No.
(Tig sobbing)
JAX: It's over, brother.
It's over.
CANE: LT, just got a call about a homicide in a commercial lot, out in Middle River.
ROOSEVELT: That's not our quadrant.
CANE: Whoever called said you'd want to find the body.
Wouldn't give a name. Just the address.
ROOSEVELT: Give the Holt station a heads-up.
Have Tores and Wilson meet us at the 20.
Yes, sir.
Let's go.
CANE: Holy shit.
That's Damon Pope.
ROOSEVELT: Yes, it is.
(cell phone ringing)
Call it in.
Eli Roosevelt.
JAX: How's your day?
ROOSEVELT: Did you do this?
JAX: Just working towards that common goal.
ROOSEVELT: Which one?
Step out of the garage.
ROOSEVELT: All right, I'm there.
JAX: Vent, halfway up the hill.
ROOSEVELT: Yeah.
JAX: You're welcome.
ROOSEVELT: We got a w*apon!
TARA: He bit off his own tongue?
LOWEN: Apparently his way of not talking.
(chuckles softly)
Ever again.
As gruesome as it is, it's good news, Tara.
Otto was the only one who could tie you up with a conspiracy charge.
Everything else they could charge you with is a misdemeanor.
TARA: Okay.
LOWEN: Should we do this another time?
TARA: No.
No, we have to do it now.
LOWEN: I've included life insurance policy... the guardianship for the boys, both Jax's and your dad's house.
I think it's everything we talked about.
TARA: Okay, where do I sign?
LOWEN: Don't you want to review it?
TARA: No.
No, I don't have to.
LOWEN: Okay.
Signature here, along with your initials, and sign on all the red tabs.
LOWEN: You do know this isn't binding until Jax signs and it's notarized.
TARA: No, I know.
LOWEN: Do you want me to set a meeting with him?
TARA: No.
No, I can do that.
LOWEN: Okay.
JUICE: This is the last set of boxes.
I'll get more and finish up tonight.
Move everything into storage next week.
CLAY: Thanks, Juicy.
JUICE: No problem, man.
CLAY: I know it was you... found that legal shit in the vent.
JUICE: Why didn't you say something?
CLAY: Eh...
I figured it had to be Jax leveraging the RICO thr*at.
You had no choice.
JUICE: We always have a choice.
I'm sorry.
CLAY: It didn't end up mattering anyway.
Just let it go.
I love you, brother.
I'm gonna miss you most.
JUICE: Oh, Christ.
Clay... you got to go.
You got to leave now.
You got to get out of here.
You got to split.
Take my bike.
CLAY: What are you talking about, son?
(knocking)
ROOSEVELT: You're leaving town?
CLAY: What is this?
ROOSEVELT: This w*apon is registered in your name.
It was just used in the m*rder of Damon Pope and three of his associates.
Can you tell me where you've been this afternoon?
CLAY: Right here.
ROOSEVELT: Can anyone confirm that?
CLAY: My wife.
Tell him, Gem.
ROOSEVELT: Gemma?
GEMMA: He went out for a few hours.
Took the g*n.
Said he had to settle up some accounts before he left.
I didn't think he'd k*ll anyone.
ROOSEVELT: Cuff him and read him.
(handcuffs clicking)
CANE: You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say and do can and will be used against you in a court of law.
You have the right to an attorney.
If you can't afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.
ROOSEVELT: We'll need you to come down to the station, give a formal statement.
(sighs)
AUGUST: All right, good looking out.
Police report confirms Clay's prints were on the w*apon.
JAX: When Clay got drummed out of the club, he blamed Pope.
Hated that we were in business together.
I never thought he would be stupid enough to go after him.
AUGUST: How is it that Clay knew where Mr. Pope was gonna be?
Only two parties knew the location.
JAX: Clay must've followed me here.
Waited for Pope to leave, trailed him to the garage.
By the time we got there, there were people everywhere, a bunch of cars.
We split 'cause I didn't want Trager to get suspicious.
AUGUST: m*rder w*apon, prints, motive... you running late.
All fits together nicely.
JAX: What does that mean?
AUGUST: You lock down a lucrative deal.
The man who called the play that k*lled your best friend is g*n down by the man you hate most.
Who now is as good as d*ad, once I put a price on his head.
JAX: You think I planned this whole thing?
Come on, man.
You give me way too much credit.
I ain't Pope.
I'm just a mechanic looking out for my family.
AUGUST: We're gonna be looking into Mr. Pope's death.
And if we determine the police is wrong, our disciplinary action could expand beyond one man.
JAX: That makes sense.
If it's any consolation, I'm looking forward to working with you, Mr. Marks.
(engine starts)
AUGUST: Bounty is on Clay Morrow.
I want him d*ad before his hearing.
JAX: I'm proud of you.
(Juice sighs)
How's she doing?
TIG: She's gonna be fine, brother.
(whispering)
BOBBY: I know what you did with Clay.
(Bobby sighs)
I just talked to Juice... and Tig.
JAX: What did they say?
BOBBY: Nothing.
JAX: I kept my word to you and the club.
I didn't lay a hand on Clay.
BOBBY: It wasn't about being smart enough to hurt him.
It was about being smart enough not to hurt him.
You had a chance to be different.
(Jax chuckles softly)
JAX: Maybe I'm not so different.
NERO: So, what now?
GEMMA: You tell me.
NERO: Things are changing, Gemma.
We're not gonna be able to play house here anymore.
GEMMA: I'm not playing anything.
In case you haven't noticed, ese, I'm not a casual girl.
Do you want to be with me or not?
NERO: I'm just saying... I just don't know if I'm gonna be able to give you everything you need right now.
GEMMA: And what is it you think I need?
Love?
Only men need to be loved, sweetheart.
Women need to be wanted.
(Nero chuckles)
NERO: You know, all this stuff that's gone down the past few days, I'm not outside it.
You understand that?
I'm in it.
My life's about to get very messy, Gemma.
GEMMA: I know messy.
It's what I do best.
(knocking)
LYLA: Sorry.
NERO: Really?
LYLA: Jax is here.
GEMMA: Speaking of messy.
NERO: Okay, Lyla, I'll be right there.
You should look after Carl and Carla.
They want you.
(Gemma laughs)
(birds chirping)
(door closes)
WOMAN: Follow me.
MAN: Yes, boss.
(Nero sighs)
NERO: Your half of Dante's haul.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: Keep it.
Deposit on what we owe you for getting back my ex.
NERO: Oh, no, no, no, we'll figure all that out.
Your crew deserves this.
Serio, I'm, I'm indebted, man.
JAX: What do you tell your boy...
about the farm?
NERO: I don't know.
I don't know.
Those, uh, journals you keep.
Those are for your boys, right?
What do you tell them?
JAX: The shit I can't tell anyone else.
You need to buy that farm, brother.
We'll help your cousin keep your crew whole.
You're so close to getting out.
NERO: So are you, mano.
So are you.
'Cause it sounds like you got all your business handled.
Hmm?
I'm gonna make you another deal.
You walk away, I'll walk away.
(Jax sighing)
JAX: Have a good night.
(keys clatter)
(Jax sighs)
JAX: What is this?
Why is Wendy listed on there as a guardian?
TARA: I'm just getting things in order.
She's the best choice.
(Jax scoffs)
You shouldn't have att*cked her, Jax.
JAX: Is that with this is?
You trying to teach me some kind of lesson?
(Tara chuckles)
TARA: No.
You know, I used to think that if I gave up on the club or Charming, I'd somehow be betraying you, and I didn't want to do that.
And then I realized that my job as your old lady is to be strong when and where you can't be.
That's what this is, baby.
I took that job in Oregon.
It starts in two weeks.
The boys are coming with me.
And if you love them and if you love me, you'll follow us up there.
We both know, if we stay here... we'll end up like the two people we hate the most.
And our boys will be destined to relive... all of our mistakes.
(knocking)
JAX: Now is not a good time.
ROOSEVELT: Yeah, I know.
I need to speak to you for a second.
JAX: Are we good?
ROOSEVELT: Yeah.
JAX: Then, can we talk tomorrow?
ROOSEVELT: I'm not here for that.
I'm here for Tara.
(Thomas crying)
JAX: What are you talking about?
ROOSEVELT: I have a warrant.
Conspiracy to commit m*rder.
Death of Pamela Toric.
ROOSEVELT: You're under arrest, Dr. Knowles.
TARA: No.
He's crying.
♪
♪
(Tara sobbing)
♪
♪
Call Lowen.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
GEMMA: I'm here, baby. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "05x13 - J'ai Obtenu Cette"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
GEMMA: Clay Morrow k*lled your father. He's a m*rder traitor.
JAX: All in favor of Clay Morrow meeting Mr. Mayhem?
CHIBS: Yeah.
TIG: Yeah.
BOBBY: No.
RENALDO: We need more than money, ese.
JAX: - So what do you want? NERO: - g*n!
JAX: Got some old KG-9s at the warehouse. Will you let me give them those?
NERO: Yeah, okay.
OTTO: I gave Luann this crucifix. I just want to wear it for a few minutes.
GEMMA: When were you gonna tell me about Oregon?
TARA: I am pulling my family far away from you, SAMCRO, and all the shit that comes with it.
GEMMA: You take one step out of Charming, the only place you're going is prison. All I got to do is reach out to those investigators. You told me exactly what you were gonna have Otto do.
LEE: - Lee Toric. TARA: - US Marshal.
LEE: Retired. The nurse that was m*rder, she was my sister.
OTTO (chuckles): RICO is d*ad, bitch.
LEE: These next few months will be the most excruciatingly painful time of your sick and miserable life.
State your name for the record.
(Otto yelling)
LEE: Way to commit... Otto.
JAX: Why is Wendy listed on there as a guardian?
TARA: Just getting things in order.
JAX: Do you want to earn your way back in?
JUICE: What does that mean?
JAX: It means you do everything I tell you to do.
DAMON: You know what happens to whoever kills me?
JAX: I'm counting on it.
(silenced g*n)
TIG: That's Clay's g*n.
ROOSEVELT: This w*apon is registered in your name.
It was just used in the m*rder of Damon Pope.
Can you tell me where you've been this afternoon?
CLAY: - Right here. ROOSEVELT: - Can anyone confirm that?
GEMMA: He went out for a few hours.
I didn't think he'd k*ll anyone.
AUGUST: Bounty's on Clay Morrow.
I want him d*ad before his hearing.
BOBBY: I know what you did with Clay.
You had the chance to be different.
ROOSEVELT: I have a warrant. Conspiracy to commit m*rder.
You're under arrest, Dr. Knowles.
TARA: Call Lowen.
♪ ♪
JAX: I feel like my life has taken a turn.
I'm heading down a road I've never been on before.
Nothing is familiar.
The signs don't make sense.
Do I get off the road, or do I keep riding?
Do I go alone or take others with me?
Who do I trust for the journey?
I now understand why being a leader requires isolation.
I have to remove myself from those whose lives were affected by my decisions.
Those I love... as well as those I hate.
It's getting more and more difficult to be a brother when my decisions are the ones a father has to make.
By the time you're old enough to make sense of this life, you'll know everything about me-- the things I'm proud of and the things I regret-- and then you'll be faced with your own decisions.
And as much as I want to help you, tell you what to do, those choices will be yours alone.
The only advice I can give you, sons, is to examine who you are as men.
Figure out what's important to you.
Know yourselves.
BOBBY: Juice, heads up!
JAX: Know what's in your heart.
JUICE: This is our exit, Rat.
JAX: Don't be swayed by fear or history or the opinions of outsiders.
Find your own truth.
It will lead you to the things you love.
(Jax sighs)
(Thomas coos)
HAPPY: How's it going, boss?
JAX: - Morning. GEMMA: - Yeah... morning.
JAX: Miss your grandma?
GEMMA: Yeah, come on...
(Thomas crying)
Oh... I know.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's okay.
Look what I have for you over here. Come here.
HAPPY: Abel, you got it, you got the ball.
JAX: Hey, buddy.
You sleep okay?
ABEL: When's Mommy coming home, Daddy?
JAX: Real soon.
HAPPY: Let's go, buddy. Let's go.
GEMMA: Any word on our other inmate?
HAPPY: Ooh, there you go. You're the champ.
GEMMA: We would've heard from County.
JAX: I know.
HAPPY: There you go. Come on, give it back.
There you... hey.
JAX: I'm gonna go see Tara.
You should head to TM.
HAPPY: I'm with you, prez.
JAX: I need to ride alone. Clear my head.
I'll be fine.
GEMMA: You can help me with the monsters.
JAX: All right. I love you.
Be good for Grandma.
GEMMA: Hey.
You okay?
JAX: Yeah.
(Thomas babbles)
(door opens)
(door shuts)
HAPPY: He's doing a real good job, Mom.
His old man would be proud.
(Otto grunting in pain)
(Otto choking, sobbing)
(guard laughs)
(door clangs)
(Otto gulping)
LEE: How's your morning?
(Otto gulps)
Yeah, tough one for me, too.
Had the memorial for my sister last night.
It's too bad death is the only thing that puts life into perspective, hmm?
(foot tapping)
Gonna be, uh, paying a visit to your MC family today.
I was wondering if you wanted me to say hi to anyone.
Deliver a message?
(moaning indistinctly)
Hmm?
No?
You sure?
Okay.
Oh, I've pretty much used up my favors around here, so you may not see me for a while.
But my friends who have been visiting you every morning... they'll keep coming.
You take care of yourself, Otto.
(sighs heavily)
(sniffs hard)
(gulps, shudders)
CHIBS: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Little Tommy.
Come over yonder, let's go out. Come on, little Tommy, oh.
TIG: Come on, come on.
Come on, monkey man.
How are you? Let's go for a walk.
CHIBS: Oh, Chucky. Expecting trouble?
CHUCK: All right.
TIG: - What you got? GEMMA: - Awesome.
TIG: - Grandma's got a g*n. GEMMA: - It's for Nero's kid.
Hi! Oh, I got you, Tom.
TIG: Let's go wake up Uncle Touchy.
GEMMA: How's he handling getting passed over for SA?
CHIBS: He's got other things on his mind.
He's still not right yet, you know?
GEMMA: Well... losing a kid'll do that.
CHIBS: Listen.
Anything you need, you let us know. Okay, Mum?
TIG: Okay? Wake him up, wake him up.
Pow.
Yeah.
(Tig laughs)
UNSER: Oh... all right!
Nice.
Hey, little guy.
(chuckles)
You got your grandma's knock.
(Gemma laughs)
GEMMA: You good for a couple hours?
UNSER: Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, go ahead.
Come on, let's go to the swings.
(Gemma chuckles)
TIG: Where are you going?
GEMMA: Diosa.
TIG: Things are happening pretty fast between you and that handsome pimp, huh?
GEMMA: You a little jealous, Tiggy?
TIG: Maybe.
(Gemma chuckles)
You, uh... you heard anything from County yet?
GEMMA: No.
TIG: Ah.
JAX: We haven't heard anything about Clay.
AUGUST: And you won't till he's out of protective custody.
JAX: He's in PC?
AUGUST: Someone wants him alive.
JAX: He couldn't have made a deal that fast.
AUGUST: MC's been RICO bait.
Feds could've jumped on him.
Would Clay rat?
JAX: I think Clay would do anything to stay alive.
AUGUST: That could be very bad for both of us.
JAX: So what do we do?
AUGUST: Not a lot we can do in County.
Hearing's in two days.
At the very least, a parole violation sends him back to Stockton.
There we got options.
JAX: Okay.
AUGUST: And you still owe us Trager.
I'm gonna make that right for Mr. Pope and his family.
JAX: My club has been cut in half.
I lose another body, my charter folds.
AUGUST: That ain't my problem.
JAX: No, it's not.
AUGUST: All right, when we finish Clay, you deliver Trager.
Understood?
JAX: Yeah.
(crow cawing)
(dog barking in distance)
ARCADIO: Hey, mijo.
TARA: Did they tell you anything?
LOWEN: No.
Prosecutor's claiming privileged information.
TARA: Who are they protecting?
(Lowen sighs)
Family?
LOWEN: Maybe.
TARA: Had to be Gemma.
LOWEN: You need to talk to Jax.
TARA: No.
LOWEN: Tara, he won't talk to me.
You need to find out what he... TARA: - I said no.
I can't let him see me like this.
(papers sliding)
LOWEN: Okay.
Your bail hearing's at
10:00 tomorrow morning.
Hopefully we'll... (sighs) know more then.
(chuckles)
(clicks tongue)
I'll check in with you later.
TARA: I have to get out of here.
(door buzzes)
(Lowen exhales)
JAX: You talk to her?
LOWEN: Yeah.
She still doesn't want to see you.
I'm sorry.
She should be home tomorrow.
JAX: Should?
You think they won't post bail?
LOWEN: I can't get anything from the DA's office.
Still don't know what they have on her.
JAX: All right.
LOWEN: Jax...
(sighs)
(quietly): Tara thinks it was Gemma who turned her in.
JAX: How's that?
LOWEN: Gemma found out Tara was gonna take the job in Oregon.
She then thr*at to lie to the authorities, tell them that Tara asked for the cross so that Otto could k*ll the nurse and crush RICO.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
My mother would never go to the cops.
LOWEN: I think there's very little your mother wouldn't do to keep those boys close.
JAX: What time's the hearing?
LOWEN: 10:00. Trial room six.
JAX: All right, I'll see you there.
(Lowen groans)
(tires screech)
(car door shuts)
IMA: Where's Jax?
CHIBS: What's this gash doing here?
IMA: Please, I need your help.
Lyla's hurt really bad.
Please.
CHIBS: Okay.
TIG: Unser, you got him?
Love you.
(indistinct chatter)
Your AK waterblaster.
GEMMA: Oh, thanks, sweetheart.
NERO: Sorry to keep you waiting, mama.
GEMMA: That's okay, baby.
I sucked some cock, made a few bucks.
NERO: Good. You're buying lunch. (Gemma chuckles)
What's with this?
GEMMA: Mmm, buying your son's affection.
NERO: No presents for me?
GEMMA: Maybe.
(door opens)
(door shuts)
JAX: I need to talk to you.
NERO: We okay here?
JAX: Yeah.
Family thing.
NERO: Hey, use my room.
GEMMA: What's going on?
JAX: Did you thr*at to turn in Tara if she took that job in Oregon?
GEMMA: Guess she finally talked to you.
JAX: No, she still won't talk to me.
Lowen told me. Answer the question.
GEMMA: Of course not. I mean, yeah, I may have said something about if she... JAX: - Jesus Christ.
GEMMA: I was trying to scare her smart.
And I would never go to the cops, you know that.
It's Wendy you should be worrying about.
She's got Tara... JAX: - Don't change the g*dd*mn subject.
Mom, why do you always have to stir shit up with me and Tara?
(knocking on window)
NERO: We got a situation out here, yo.
(woman crying)
JAX: Shit.
LYLA (crying): - Jax... JAX: - What happened?
LYLA: I didn't... I want Ope.
Please, oh, God, I want Opie.
I want Opie.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
JAX: What happened?
LYLA: It was supposed to be just some fetish stuff.
Sadoplay, cage time.
It was t*rture p*rn.
They never told me.
The more I asked them to stop, the more they hurt me.
GEMMA: Jesus Christ.
JAX: - Who were they? LYLA: - Persians.
Ghanezi brothers.
IMA: I met one of them through the Saffron producers.
They had references.
JAX: You're a stupid whore.
IMA: I'm the one that got her out of there.
LYLA: I asked her to get me the work, Jax.
My best asset has a b*llet wound in it.
Can't do the girl-girl stuff.
I need money.
I got three kids now.
NERO: Hey, Lyla, w-why didn't you say something?
LYLA: I don't take charity.
JAX: Lyla, this gets settled.
You understand?
Where are they?
LYLA: Stockton.
Near the navy docks.
(zipper unzips)
IMA: I have an address.
CHIBS: How many were there?
LYLA: I saw about five or six.
Couple of 'em had g*n.
TIG: - You know these guys? NERO: - No.
But if we decide to head to the docks, we got to make it good with Barosky.
He's an ex-cop, he runs the port.
CHIBS: And how do we know that these sandpigs don't work for him?
JAX: He's right.
We should check it out first.
Your crew back us up?
NERO: Yeah.
GEMMA: All right, I'm gonna get Lyla back to the clubhouse.
Come on, sweetheart.
CHIBS: I'll clean it up.
(Ima screams)
(low sobbing)
GEMMA: She'll be fine.
(buzzer buzzes, door opens)
LEE: How you doing, Clay?
Lee Toric, US Marshal.
Retired.
You mind if I sit?
CLAY: Retired?
Ain't you fishing in the wrong hole?
LEE: We both should be fishing.
But here we are.
(grunts)
I know you didn't k*ll Damon Pope.
A man with your skill and experience wouldn't be so careless as to toss a w*apon with prints a few hundred yards from a m*rder scene.
My guess? Jax Teller took out Pope.
From what I hear, he blames Pope for the death of his friend in the catacombs here.
But then he pins the m*rder on you.
Why?
Maybe you just didn't love him enough as a kid.
Hmm?
Outlaws turning on outlaws is nothing new.
But an old lady turning on her old man... that's a serious breach of MC protocol.
What happened there?
CLAY: Maybe I just didn't love her enough.
(Lee chuckles)
LEE: As the proud owner of three ex-wives, that unfortunately makes sense.
CLAY: Let me guess.
You're the guy I can thank for this private suite here.
LEE: - Yes, I am. CLAY: - Mm-hmm.
So, just how does a sidelined fed get that kind of juice with County?
LEE: I've earned a few favors with A*F.
You're welcome.
But my privileges are winding down, and I'm afraid it's checkout time, Clay.
Next shift change puts you back in gen pop.
You know what happens then.
CLAY: Black pope takes white pawn?
LEE: Mm-hmm.
CLAY: - What do you want? LEE: - SAMCRO.
CLAY: - Who you working for, man? LEE: - No one.
Otto Delaney ripped open my sister's throat to b*at RICO for Jax and your club.
This isn't about a case or my career.
This is very personal.
If you want to live, let the guard know before the next shift.
(door buzzes)
(door closes)
(bike engines running outside)
PHIL: There's no oven. How you gonna bake anything?
BOBBY: Oh, I'll figure it out.
QUINN: Jury says you can keep this as long as you need it.
BOBBY: Thanks, Quinn.
QUINN: No problem.
BOBBY: You like being around here?
QUINN: Yeah, they're a good crew.
BOBBY: Miss being a Nomad?
QUINN: Every day.
BOBBY: Let's talk later. I want to bounce something off you.
QUINN: All good, man.
I'll see you at the house.
PHIL: Is there anything I can do?
Pick up some groceries or...?
BOBBY: I'm good, I'm good.
Appreciate the help. I'll see you at Jury's.
PHIL: Yeah, sure.
Uh, how long you staying?
BOBBY: I said I'll see you at Jury's.
(exhales)
UNSER: Hey, whoa.
Huh?
(door opens)
Easy, easy.
GEMMA: - What are you doing here? WENDY: - Looking for you.
I heard about what happened to Tara.
GEMMA: Yeah, guess that puts a little wrench in your guardian plans.
Tara put together a will that named you as guardian to those boys.
WENDY: I didn't ask her to do that.
GEMMA: Doesn't matter now.
WENDY: Well, I guess not.
Look, Gemma, I'm done fighting.
The shit that went down last week?
Almost cost me three years of sobriety.
I can't do it.
Abel's with his dad.
If I try to change that, either I'm gonna get k*lled or he's gonna get hurt.
Just keep him safe.
Please?
GEMMA: And, uh... what if Tara pushes that will on Jax?
WENDY: I am not gonna let her make me a guardian.
(scoffs)
If I have to be completely honest... I think I actually kind of miss this place.
(laughs)
Mario, come on.
Come on, get me out of here.
Give it to her harder.
Destruction! Destroy, destroy!
Seek and destroy!
Get off me, you bastard!
Very good. Even harder.
That's nice.
Good, finally you're doing good.
No!
ARCADIO: How you want to do this?
JAX: Let's try knocking on the door.
ARCADIO: Right, right.
(woman screaming)
Amir! Amir! AMIR: - What?
Are you expecting these guys?
(woman screaming)
JAX: Morning.
We're looking for the Ghanezi brothers.
AMIR: Who are you?
JAX: Fellow p*rn.
CHIBS: Morning.
Ever hear of a place called, uh, Caracara?
No. JAX: - We're a small studio.
NERO: Tame stuff compared to what you guys do.
AMIR: And what is it that we do?
JAX: Let's take a look, huh?
NERO: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I suggest you tell Zero Dark Shithead over there to put down that piece.
CHIBS: Good boy. In.
Move. Move!
Hap.
JAX: You hurt one of our girls.
CHIBS: Out.
JAX: Friend of mine. Lyla Winston.
AMIR: Who?
JAX: The Saffron Sisters.
AMIR: What's the problem?
She got paid.
She knew what it was.
JAX: Actually, she said you weren't real clear about the gig.
She had no idea she was gonna get cut, b*rned and beaten.
Come on. It's a job.
All the girls know it.
JAX: What about her?
Did she sign up for a g*ngb*ng and a beatdown?
Yeah, I guess that cage shit over here, that was part of her contract, too, huh?
Untie me.
JAX: Get her out of there.
You can't just walk in here and tell us what to do.
CHIBS: Yeah?
JAX: I'm trying to handle this in a calm, professional manner.
But unless you want to be the one on that mattress while four white boys go jihad on your ass, I suggest you pay these girls and let them go.
Now.
AMIR: Kia. Pay the girls.
(Kia speaking Persian)
(Amir shushes)
(Amir speaking Persian)
Go now.
JAX: You, scumbag.
Lie down.
NERO: It's okay, it's okay.
ARCADIO: g*n!
(men grunting, g*n)
Amir, go, go!
(grunting)
JAX: No!
CHIBS: The older one got away, Jackie.
JAX: Put him in the cage.
HAPPY: Move, piece of shit.
JAX: Is that piss?
CHIBS: And vinegar.
JAX: Wow.
NERO: - Jax!
JAX: - What you got?
NERO: Chronic and Astroglide. Need any lube?
JAX: - This kind.
(thud)
Police! Freeze!
(police clamoring)
Get down! Get down on the ground!
Let me see some hands! Both hands behind your head!
Let's go!
(car horn beeps)
(indistinct radio transmissions)
JAX: Damn. I knew things had gotten bad in Stockton, but I didn't know you guys were working out of Dumpsters now. There's a few more of 'em back at Quigley's supply house. These two run the crews. Thanks, guys. Keep the dope.
NERO: Charlie Barosky.
BAROSKY: You know who I am?
NERO: Yeah, we know.
BAROSKY: And still you bounce into my neighborhood, turn shit upside down.
Not even a phone call.
JAX: Those Persian scumbags...
BAROSKY: Persia hasn't been a country since 637 AD.
They're called Iranians.
JAX: Okay.
Those Iranian scumbags, they're doing t*rture p*rn and r*pe films.
Not being real clear with the talent.
They hurt one of our girls.
NERO: We run Diosa.
BAROSKY: Nero, right?
NERO: Sorry, yeah.
Nero Padilla.
JAX: Jax Teller.
BAROSKY: I thought you guys left Stockton.
NERO: Well, things got a little complicated on the east side, so we set up down in Morada.
JAX: Outside Charming.
That's where my MC's based.
BAROSKY: You still an escort service?
NERO: Yeah, why?
BAROSKY: I work with someone runs girls out of the port.
She's looking to go legit.
JAX: We could help.
Been looking to move back to Stockton.
BAROSKY: Is that right?
NERO: Yeah, yeah, we could talk about it.
BAROSKY: Good.
Now, about this Iranian problem...
Yeah, we're sorry we stepped on your toes.
We didn't know what we were walking into.
BAROSKY: Sounds like some real sick shit.
Come on in, get something to eat.
I'll make a few calls, see how we clean it up.
NERO: So I'm thinking maybe you should bounce expansion talks off of me, partner?
JAX: I saw an opening.
You don't like it, we don't do it.
(engines roaring)
GEMMA: Welcome back.
Sweetheart.
JUICE: Gem...
RAT BOY: Ma'am.
GEMMA: There.
Now you've had your hand on my tits, you can't call me "ma'am" anymore.
RAT BOY: - Okay, m... Gemma. GEMMA: - Uh-huh.
JUICE: Where is everyone?
GEMMA: Some p*rn prick messed up Lyla.
So they went up to Stockton to straighten it out.
(Juice exhales)
Um, she's actually laying down in the clubhouse.
Why don't you go see if she needs anything?
RAT BOY: - Okay. GEMMA: - Don't grab her tits.
RAT BOY (chuckling): Oh, okay.
GEMMA: How's Bobby?
JUICE: He doesn't really say much.
GEMMA: Hmm.
Maybe do him some good, spending time with Jury's crew.
New p*ssy, change of scenery.
JUICE: Nah, it's more than that.
I got a feeling he's gonna patch out of Redwood.
(Gemma snorts)
GEMMA: And go where?
JUICE: Started out Nomad.
GEMMA: Nomads folded.
JUICE: All you need is four members that don't have a home anymore.
GEMMA: That's not gonna happen.
So how are you?
JUICE: I'm tired.
GEMMA: Haven't heard anything.
JUICE: Can I ask you something?
GEMMA: No.
And I'm not gonna ask you.
It's done.
TIG (mouth full): A crooked cop opens a crooked donut shop.
No one else sees the irony in that?
CHIBS: The shortbread is bloody marvelous.
BAROSKY: Guy who rented Ghanezi the space had no idea what they were doing.
He's got no problem making 'em go away.
How much damage did you do?
JAX: Muscle took a flesh wound.
Left one of the brothers locked up.
No damage to the space. BAROSKY: - Okay.
I keep the cash, we call it even.
Next time you do business here, I'm your first stop.
NERO: Yeah, we know.
BAROSKY: You go cut the Persian loose.
I'll set the meet with Colette.
Dino... DINO: - Come on.
I'll give you a ride to the docks.
(Lee clears throat)
LEE: How are your accommodations?
TARA: - Confined. LEE: - I'm sorry.
I wanted to give you a few days to adjust before we spoke.
TARA: This was you?
How?
LEE: I focused the Department of Justice on the facts.
Pointed out your marital connection to the club.
The RICO case.
The documents you forged to access Otto.
Did you think they wouldn't find those? Hmm?
TARA: I only did that so I could talk to him.
LEE: You are aware these rooms are being monitored.
You just acknowledged committing a felony.
TARA: You're right, I should wait for my lawyer.
LEE: I hope she tells you the truth.
Because it's not looking very hopeful.
You probably won't have to do serious time, but they'll... they'll want to make an example out of you.
Probably h*t you with at least five to seven.
TARA: And I guess you're here to tell me how you can help?
LEE: I have no desire to help you.
I want to use you.
You need to give up your husband.
TARA: Jax had nothing to do with your sister's death.
And he would never have ordered a member to k*ll a woman.
LEE: Because he's so noble.
TARA: Otto k*lled your sister with that cross to hurt Jax, not help him.
LEE: I can offer WITSEC.
For you and your boys.
Anywhere you want.
I know it's not how you wanted to do it, but the end result is the same.
TARA: And how do I tell my sons I'm the one who turned on their father?
LEE: I don't know.
But at least you'll be alive to do it.
And so will they.
Your protection is a favor of the marshals' office.
Once the DA starts spinning the case, my contacts won't want to step on local toes.
Means you got about two weeks to decide.
TARA: I don't need two weeks.
I'm not guilty and I'm not a rat.
LEE: Fair enough.
You take care of yourself, Doctor.
TARA: You, too.
(knocks)
(sobs)
(sobs)
(bell clangs)
CHIBS: Could've filled that dude full of propane.
TIG: I know.
No smoking in front of that shit.
Boom.
CHIBS: All right.
(Jax exhales)
JAX: That was Gemma.
Juice is back.
CHIBS: Wasn't sure he had the balls to come back here.
JAX: I know.
CHIBS: What are we gonna do with him?
I mean, we tied up all the loose ends.
You know?
Can't ignore the shit he's pulled.
He's a risk, Jackie.
JAX: Maybe he can earn it back.
CHIBS: That's a club decision.
JAX: Our table is in pieces.
The shit that Juice pulled... that knowledge crushes the brotherhood even more.
Let's give him a chance to prove himself, then decide.
NERO: Yo.
Barosky set up a meet with this, uh, Colette, eh?
His shop in about an hour.
JAX: Okay, good.
Me and Nero will stick around.
Meet with the madam.
You and Hap head back.
Tig. Let Ghanezi out of the cage.
Tell him the Persian Empire's fallen.
Hey. ARCADIO: - Hey.
JAX: - Thank you. HAPPY: - You ready, brother?
JAX: All right.
CHIBS: Yeah.
JAX: Hey, Tig.
Check out that production equipment, all right?
See what's there. TIG: - You thinking more Caracara?
JAX: I'm thinking you don't need to know.
TIG: Yep, yep.
(door closes)
KIA: Hey.
Open the door, you stupid shit.
(speaking Persian)
TIG: Take off.
KIA: Take off where?
This is our place.
This is our equipment.
TIG: You just lost your lease.
(Kia spits)
Just get out of here.
Get out of here and don't come back. Go on.
(speaking Persian)
Wait, wait.
What'd you... what'd you say there?
KIA: I hope you watch our movies and see your daughter r*ped.
Maybe you'd like to see that.
"Oh, Daddy. Daddy, that hurts."
(Tig yelling)
(Tig grunts)
(panting)
(sighing)
COLETTE: I met Charlie when I was on the street.
He was impressed with my, uh, business acumen. He set me up.
JAX: And what does Uncle Charlie take?
COLETTE: He gets his port rent and security vig.
Same way he did as a cop.
NERO: So if you don't get hassled by the PD, uh, why do you need an escort front?
COLETTE: More than half my clientele comes off a ship.
Last year there was some trouble, the navy starts cracking down on whore time. My business took a dive.
JAX: So why don't you go legit on your own?
NERO: Prostitution arrests. It'll never happen.
COLETTE: That's right. So I need a partner.
NERO: So you understand there's more than just filling out paperwork.
State, they do inspections. The girls, they have to be professional.
Place has got to be nice. COLETTE: - I got all that.
Come see my house. It's very nice.
And my girls are the ones pushing for this.
They want to clean it up, go more legit.
JAX: - Three-way split? COLETTE: - Yeah.
House expenses and Charlie's fees, they come off the top.
NERO: House expenses. Charlie? That's your cost.
Hey, y-you're paying for our, uh, expertise.
COLETTE: Right. Okay.
JAX: Good. Let's go take a look.
NERO: Um, I got to go see my kid.
Another time?
We'll talk.
JAX: I'm sure we will.
COLETTE: I see a ring on your finger but not his.
JAX: He's with someone.
And trust me, you do not want to rock that boat.
COLETTE: And what about your old lady, hmm?
Is she okay with your line of work?
JAX: My bike's out front.
I'll follow you.
(engine revving)
UNSER: Hey.
GEMMA: Where's Abel?
UNSER: Oh, uh... I left him with the girls.
I told him Lyla had the chicken pox.
GEMMA: Good thinking, Uncle Touchy.
UNSER: You know that makes me sound like a pedophile, right?
GEMMA: That's why I like it.
You know, I really appreciate you helping out with the boys, Wayne.
Means a lot. UNSER: - Yeah, right.
It's my pleasure.
(groans)
You haven't, uh, said anything about Clay.
GEMMA: Means I don't want to.
UNSER: Listen, uh, I know you got yourself a new friend and all, but, uh, you can still talk to me, Gem.
I know you better than anybody.
GEMMA: Yeah, you do.
But right now, I really don't want to know myself.
(knock on door)
LOWEN: Hey, I'm looking for Jax.
GEMMA: He's in Stockton.
What's wrong?
LOWEN: I need to tell him something, uh...
GEMMA: Could you, uh... could you go check on the boys?
UNSER: Oh, yeah, sure.
Excuse me.
GEMMA: What do you want to tell him?
That his mother ratted out his wife?
LOWEN: I'm just passing on a message.
GEMMA: Yeah, well, here's a message for you, Lady Law.
Remember who you work for.
LOWEN: You're right.
Helping Tara and the MC might be a conflict of interest.
Guess I'll have to figure out which innocent is more in need of a good defense.
GEMMA: Choose wisely.
I'd hate for Tara to be the last client you ever had.
(door closes)
(seagulls calling)
TIG (quietly): ♪ I left ♪
♪ My home in Georgia ♪
♪ Headed for the 'Frisco Bay ♪
♪ 'Cause I got nothing to live ♪
♪ For, and nothing ♪
♪ Is coming my way ♪
♪ I... I've been sitting on the ♪
♪ Dock of the... ♪
(sighs)
All the way, baby.
♪ ♪
(door buzzes)
(indistinct chatter)
CLAY: In my pocket.
Tell him I want a deal.
COLETTE: We use the living room as a lobby.
Upstairs we have four bedrooms.
Small bar right off the kitchen.
And we turned the back porch into a massage room.
JAX: - Feels comfortable. COLETTE: - It is.
We make these navy guys feel at home.
Half the time, they just want to sit here and talk.
JAX: You own it?
COLETTE: Long-term lease. No property taxes.
Utilities, insurance, comfort amenities, that's the only overhead.
JAX: When you had the navy clients, what'd you turn in a day?
COLETTE: Hmm, with a full house... I can turn all five rooms... at least six or seven times.
$150 to $600 a date.
JAX: That's good.
You be up for mixing girls?
Yours and Diosa's?
COLETTE: Variety is the key to stimulation.
JAX: I'll remember that.
I should head out.
COLETTE: You should stick around.
Visit some of the girls.
JAX: We got a rule at Diosa.
Never date your coworkers.
COLETTE (laughing): That's a stupid rule.
Hey, sweetie. Linens are done in the dryer. I got Dr. Pete.
COLETTE: I got it.
Mother's work's never done.
We'll talk soon.
JAX: Yeah.
(Jax sighs)
(phone ringing)
JAX: Yeah.
LOWEN: It's Ally Lowen.
JAX: What's going on?
LOWEN: I talked to Tara this afternoon.
(sighs)
I wanted to tell you this in person.
JAX: What?
LOWEN: She doesn't want you at the hearing tomorrow morning.
She wants to do it alone.
Jax?
JAX: Yeah. I heard you.
LOWEN: I'm sorry. She'll be fine as soon as she's home.
I'll call you when we're done.
JAX: All right.
(sighs)
CHIBS: Clear out.
Close the door, Rat. RAT BOY: - Right.
JUICE: What's up?
What's going on?
CHIBS: I'm a bit worried about you, Juicy.
JUICE: - I'm okay, man. CHIBS: - No, no, no.
Not how you are.
I'm worried about what you might do.
JUICE: I don't know what you mean.
CHIBS: You stole from us to help a cop.
And you k*lled a brother. JUICE: - No.
Miles tried to... CHIBS: - You ratted.
And then you took a cowardly swing from a tree.
JUICE: Never meant to hurt the club.
CHIBS: But you did.
And for some reason, Jax has given you a pardon.
And there's nothing I can do about that.
But I got to get right with it somehow.
JUICE: I love you, brother.
CHIBS: I know.
(grunts)
(panting)
(grunts)
(Juice yells)
(grunts)
(grunts)
COLETTE: Thought you were heading out.
JAX: I am.
(Colette sighs)
COLETTE: You okay?
JAX: Yeah.
COLETTE: You know, I listen almost as good as I suck dick.
JAX: I'm sorry, it's a family thing.
COLETTE: Wife or kids?
JAX: Both, I guess.
COLETTE: That's a drag.
JAX: Yeah.
COLETTE: Come on.
Give me a hand.
Housework always centers my chi.
GEMMA: - Here you go. NERO: - Say "thank you."
LUCIUS: Thank you.
This is awesome!
Help-- oh, oh!
Lucius, come on! You're getting me wet!
(indistinct chatter and laughter)
NERO: Yep. A g*n.
(boys giggling)
Awesome.
(boys laughing)
♪ ♪
(Lee sighs)
LEE: Yeah.
♪ ♪
(church bell clanging)
(bell strikes three)
(birds chirping)
(school bell ringing)
(children whooping, laughing)
(bell clanging)
Oh, my God!
(a*t*matic g*n)
(children screaming)
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
(Thomas cooing)
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
(grunts)
(inmates shouting, cheering)
(grunts)
(grunting)
♪ ♪ | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "06x01 - Straw"} | foreverdreaming |
GEMMA: Previously on Sons of Anarchy: TARA: I am pulling my family far away from you, SAMCRO and all the shit that comes with it.
JAX: What is this? Why is Wendy listed on there as a guardian?
TARA: Just getting things in order.
OTTO: I gave Luann this crucifix. I just want to wear it for a few minutes.
TARA: Otto!
ROOSEVELT: I have a warrant. Conspiracy to commit m*rder.
LEE: Lee Toric, U.S. Marshal, retired. The nurse that was m*rder... she was my sister.
TARA: This was you?
LEE: I have no desire to help you. I want to use you. You need to give up your husband.
TARA: I'm not guilty, and I'm not a rat.
JAX: Do you want to earn your way back in?
JUICE: What does that mean?
JAX: It means you do everything I tell you to do.
LEE: I know you didn't k*ll Damon Pope.
CLAY: What do you want?
LEE: SAMCRO. If you want to live, let the guard know before the next shift.
GEMMA: How's Bobby?
JUICE: I got a feeling he's gonna patch out of Redwood. He started out Nomad.
GEMMA: Nomads folded.
JUICE: All you need is four members that don't have a home anymore.
BAROSKY: I work with someone who runs girls out of the port.
She's looking to go legit.
JAX: We could help.
We've been looking to move back to Stockton.
COLETTE: So I need a partner.
Come see my house.
It's very nice.
JAX: You'd be up for mixing girls?
Yours and Diosa's?
COLETTE: Variety's the key to stimulation.
JAX: So what do you want?
RENALDO: We need AKs and Glocks to hold down our streets.
JAX: Why don't you just let me sell 'em the hardware?
Got some old KG-9's at the warehouse.
ARCADIO: Mijo.
(a*t*matic g*n, screaming)
(motorcycle rumbling)
♪
(Gemma breathing heavily)
(knocking)
GEMMA: Shit.
(sighs) Really?
(grunting, panting)
NERO: You expecting?
GEMMA: Not as long as you keep that brown dog covered.
(grunts)
I'm too old for a little ese.
NERO: You said your tubes were tied.
GEMMA: I said my tubes were tired.
(both chuckle)
(knocking continues)
All right.
(sighs)
(scoffs)
Well, it's not my gardener.
Must be for you.
NERO: Whoa, whoa.
ARCADIO: Hey, Gemma.
NERO: The hell you doing, man?
ARCADIO: I'm sorry, mano, but we got to talk.
(Gemma sighs)
GEMMA: I'll make some coffee.
(motorcycles rumbling)
ARCADIO: That shit at the school yesterday, at Count of Aquino.
That was Matthew.
He was the one sh*t everybody up.
NERO: Darvany's boy?
GEMMA: Who?
ARCADIO: My old lady's kid.
(Nero groans)
GEMMA: Jesus Christ.
ARCADIO: It was my KG-9, mano.
(speaking Spanish)
GEMMA: Hey, English!
NERO: The cops gonna be all over her.
ARCADIO: She told 'em she ain't ever seen the g*n before, man.
GEMMA: Yeah, well, her kid just got k*lled.
They're not pressing her yet.
NERO: She's at home?
ARCADIO: Yeah.
Fiasco and Gomes.
The cops are watching the house.
NERO: Reporters?
ARCADIO: Nah, they ain't released the name yet.
I'm sorry, mano. I'm sorry.
NERO: Yeah, I know. I know, man.
Come on. Come on.
Be right back.
(door shuts)
(door buzzes)
(door shuts)
CLAY: So you... blame SAMCRO for the death of your sister.
I get it. It's personal.
But, uh... what's the endgame here?
You gonna run down every reaper on a Harley?
LEE: You know why I was such a good lawman?
I never gave a shit about justice.
It was always about retribution for me.
Hurting people who hurt people.
That's always my endgame.
Otto Delaney put the final nail in RICO when he k*lled my sister, so I need another angle into the MC.
Former president turning state's evidence feels like a good way to create some damage.
Sign this agreement to cooperate, and I promise you a legal team to fight this bullshit m*rder, immunity for your MC missteps and WitSec anywhere in the world.
CLAY: I want to see my wife.
And I want to see my son.
LEE: Why?
CLAY: 'Cause I want to hurt people, too.
LEE: You do know this is the only thing that's gonna buy you another night in your private suite here?
I wasn't bluffing.
I've used up all my favors.
CLAY: Well, then you better get on it.
'Cause I ain't signing shit till I see both of 'em.
(knocking)
(door buzzes)
(door shuts)
GEMMA (sighs): Is he okay?
NERO: I don't know.
I... I love him, but that dude... that dude, he's always been the guy getting pulled out of the f*re.
I'm sorry about all that.
GEMMA: No, baby. It's fine.
(sighs)
You got to get his old lady out of there.
Once the shock wears off, she's gonna want someone to pay.
NERO: Yeah, she will.
GEMMA: Club can help.
NERO: Appreciate that.
GEMMA (sighs): I got to go to Jax's.
Wifey comes home today.
NERO: I'll meet you over there?
GEMMA: Yeah. Yeah.
LOWEN: Should I ask about the hand?
TARA: I can't go to jail.
LOWEN: I am going to do everything I can to help you, Tara.
TARA: And what about Toric?
LOWEN: He's lashing out, trying to hurt you and the club, but he's got no jurisdiction, no badge.
LOWEN: I'm sorry. I asked him to wait for my call.
Do you want me to tell him you're not ready?
TARA: No.
I wrote down everything I can remember.
It's in the pads.
LOWEN: Okay.
TARA: Did you start the other paperwork?
LOWEN: Yes.
TARA: I'll call you soon.
Thank you.
LOWEN: Mm-hmm.
(birds chirping)
(engine starts)
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye. ♪
(Thomas cooing)
ABEL: Mommy!
TARA: Oh, my God.
I missed you so much.
Hi.
How are you?
It's so good to see you.
Aw.
Mommy needs to say hi to Thomas, okay?
Come here, you.
GEMMA: There we go.
TARA: Oh.
Oh... (chuckling)
I've missed you guys so much.
(Tara speaking indistinctly)
GEMMA: Uh... something went down with Nero's crew.
He's coming by.
JAX: Now?
GEMMA: Yeah.
Sorry.
JAX: What happened?
GEMMA: It's about that school sh**ting yesterday.
You were right.
KG-9 was street-converted.
Full auto, no marks.
LEE: Final count?
Four d*ad. Three of them were kids.
Nine injured, two critical.
The security guard put two rounds in the sh**t's head when he was switching clips.
sh**t was 11.
LEE: God bless America.
How'd you know about the g*n?
LEE: Fits a familiar profile. Where's the D.A.?
She'd be the plus-size in the Oprah wig getting reamed by the archdiocese.
LEE: I wouldn't use the word
"reamed" around the priests.
(laughs) Copy that.
LEE: I appreciate the contact.
Hey, do me a favor when you burn this bridge down, make sure I'm not on it.
(Thomas cooing)
TARA: Oh, that's beautiful.
(Tara gasps)
Ooh.
Such a good boy.
JAX: Daddy needs to talk to Mommy for a minute.
TARA: Okay.
I'll be right back.
JAX: I missed you.
TARA: I missed you, too.
(Jax sighs)
So, do we finish that last conversation we started?
JAX: Is that really what you want?
TARA: Well, I guess I won't be going to Oregon any time soon.
JAX: I understand why you wanted me to sign those papers.
TARA: Did you sign them?
JAX: No.
RICO's d*ad, and Clay's gone.
I'm gonna start moving the club in the right direction.
I'm meeting with the Irish today, cutting ties.
No more g*n.
We're gonna start earning legit.
TARA: What does that look like?
JAX: We're gonna grow Diosa.
It's trashy money, but it ain't dirty.
Or bloody.
I can take care of us, Tara.
No one gets hurt anymore.
We don't need papers or guardians to protect our family.
I know staying here isn't what we both wanted.
I don't know if I can explain this, but... after Ope...
I just feel like, if I step away now, none of that makes sense.
Like what he did was for nothing.
TARA: Well, I guess it doesn't matter.
My trial's in six weeks.
I could be back inside.
JAX: Any jury is gonna understand you had nothing to do with that m*rder.
You're not going anywhere.
ABEL: Look what I got, Mama.
TARA (laughing): Oh, my God.
Look at that.
GEMMA: He couldn't wait.
(Abel giggles)
TARA: Wow.
GEMMA: Welcome home.
TARA: Thanks.
Come on.
(Tara laughs)
Show me where he lives.
(Abel giggles)
GEMMA: Nero's here.
(baby cooing)
NERO: Sorry to barge in on your, uh, homecoming here.
JAX: What happened?
NERO: That boy that k*lled those kids in the school yesterday... he belonged to my cousin's old lady.
He used a KG-9.
JAX: Ours.
NERO: Yeah.
JAX: What did she tell the cops?
NERO: She didn't give it up.
Not yet.
But she ain't all there to begin with, man.
We got to get her lost.
Gemma said you might be able to help with that.
Maybe you can get her to one of your other charters?
JAX: Where is she now?
NERO: At her place. Arcadio's there with her.
But Stockton PD... they're staying close, though.
JAX: All right, we got a cabin out by Pine Grove.
Let's figure out how to get her there, and then I'll make some calls.
(phone ringing)
NERO: I appreciate that, man.
I'll let 'em know.
JAX: Hey, don't call her house.
They probably got it tapped.
And we got to stay off the cells.
The Feds... they could be on us already.
NERO: Yeah.
(Nero groans)
Uh, I know this is bad timing, man.
GEMMA: Hey, it's for you.
You got to take this.
JAX: Who is it?
GEMMA: County jail.
They want to set visitation.
Clay... requesting to visit both of us.
(engines revving)
BOBBY: Thanks for meeting, Hop.
HOPPER: Yeah, of course.
I got to say I was intrigued.
BOBBY: I'm glad.
I hear things are getting tense in Vegas.
HOPPER: Oh, tense ain't the word, brother.
Ever since they flipped Junior, shit's all sideways.
Charter's hemorrhaging, man.
QUINN: Let's talk.
♪
JAX: You okay with this?
TARA: Yeah. I'm just gonna hang with the boys, stay in. I'm exhausted.
JAX: Okay.
I'll see you later.
I love you.
TARA: Me, too.
(Gemma sniffles)
GEMMA: Like the hair.
TARA: Thanks.
All the cholas are wearing it like this.
Can hook you up if you want.
(Gemma laughs)
GEMMA: No. I'm good.
I'm not the one who turned you in.
TARA: I know.
(Tara clears throat)
TARA: I found these... in his toy chest.
GEMMA: I didn't do that, either.
But what did you expect?
Wendy as guardian, you talking about taking his boys to Oregon.
TARA: Thank you for taking care of them.
GEMMA: You're welcome.
You okay, Mom?
TARA: Yeah.
Little tired.
Happy to be home.
(loud, overlapping chatter)
Just give us some information.
All right, crisis counselors available.
We need you to sign up.
We have to know exactly what we're doing here with the kids.
We need to know how many...
How the hell did this happen in school?
We're trying to...
GRAVES: We looked at the mother, Darvany Jennings.
Substance issues.
Two years... possession, battery.
PATTERSON: Affiliates?
GRAVES: Byz-lats.
She was arrested with two of their members.
Right now, she's not remembering anything, but we'll push harder after the shock fades.
PATTERSON: It's faded.
I've got a room full of priests, teachers and parents, terrified and pissed off.
First thing they're going to want to know is how the hell an 11-year-old kid got a hold of an illegal a*t*matic w*apon.
If we could tie that disaster to a Mexican street g*ng, the whole thing will be a lot neater.
LEE: Hanging a g*ng face on this might give the locals some quick comfort, but that's a very bloody Band-Aid.
PATTERSON: Who are you?
LEE: Lee Toric, U.S. Marshal, retired.
EAGAN: Lee's a friend of the Bureau.
He had some insight on the w*apon.
GRAVES: What kind of insight?
LEE: The Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club imports, modifies and sells illegal w*apon to almost every street g*ng in and around the East Bay.
I know for a fact they have a business relationship with your Stockton crew, the Byz-lats.
One of the g*n they put on the street... the KG-9... same g*n Matthew Jennings used.
GRAVES: The MC is out of my jurisdiction.
LEE: But it's not out of yours, ma'am.
You have an atrocity on your hands.
The tragedy of d*ad children.
Your broken county, the state, the whole country is watching.
Do the right thing.
Don't just close the book on your m*rder.
Stop hundreds more from happening, and I can help you do that.
This is my cell.
I'm staying at the Pirsig Motel on Alpine.
I look forward to hearing from you.
NERO: Whoa, what happened there?
JAX: Brotherly love.
(dog barking)
NERO: Where are they?
FIASCO: Kid's room. What's going on, homes?
JAX: The cops see you come in?
GOMES: Yeah.
Darvany let us in. They didn't ask any questions.
♪
NERO: We got to get her out of here.
(whistles)
Crank up the music.
Keep an eye on the back.
JAX (whispering): Watch the cops.
(music plays loudly)
NERO: Darvany?
Hey, wake up.
Come on, sweetheart, wake up.
Come on, sweetheart.
Hey, hey, let's go.
DARVANY: What the hell are you doing?
NERO: Let's keep it down, okay?
We got to get you out of here right now, okay?
We got to go. Come on.
DARVANY: No.
Arcadio!
(muffled shouting)
ARCADIO: Hey!
Baby!
JAX (quietly): Cops, cops.
NERO: Hey, stop!
Stop. They're not gonna hurt her.
Hear me? They're not gonna hurt her.
CHIBS: Hey! Hey!
JAX: Stop. Stop.
NERO: Make sure she's okay.
HAPPY: Cops didn't hear shit.
JAX: Look, we got to get you and your old lady out of town.
Hey. The cops are gonna crush her on that g*n.
ARCADIO: She ain't a problem, man.
JAX: It's okay. All right.
JUICE: Jax.
(Darvany exhales)
JAX: That's a problem.
ARCADIO: Darvany.
NERO: She was clean for nine months.
Sorry.
JAX: Only one thing more dangerous than a rat: that's a junkie rat.
NERO: I hear that.
I'll have my guys head out front, keep the PD distracted, and we'll move her out back.
JAX: You're gonna be the first stop when they realize she's gone.
NERO: Yeah. Oh, I know that.
JAX: All right.
You stay with them.
We'll meet you at the cabin after the Irish.
HAPPY: You got it.
ARCADIO: Hey, baby. You're okay.
(door shuts)
(Gemma clears throat)
CLAY: Thank you for coming.
GEMMA: Jax had club business.
He's on the road.
What do you want?
(Clay sighs)
CLAY: I know why you did it.
Even when it was all going down... you, Juice, the g*n...
I saw it.
I got it.
It was like watching the other shoe drop in slow motion.
I was never easy to be with, Gem.
You and me, we embraced some serious shit from day one.
But you were always an amazing old lady.
Always kept me on task.
You always kept me strong.
(Clay sighs)
These last six months, shit I did...
You want to know why I lied to you about all of it?
'Cause I knew you'd set me straight.
And I didn't want to be straight.
That would've been too hard.
So I convinced myself that everything I was doing was for us.
Which was bullshit.
It was just for me.
GEMMA: Why am I here, Clay?
CLAY: I just wanted you to know that whatever goes down... none of this lands on you.
GEMMA: What?
You think I feel bad?
That I'm sorry for what I did?
For telling the truth?
CLAY: I never loved anybody the way I love you, Gem.
And I know you feel the same.
GEMMA: You don't know shit about what I feel.
CLAY (sighs): Well...
I just wanted you to know you did the right thing.
GEMMA: Well, thank you.
I'll go home and untie the noose.
(knocks) Let me out of here.
CLAY: I love you, Gem.
GEMMA: Let me out of here!
LEE: "Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks... "
GEMMA: Open the g*dd*mn door!
LEE: "But bears it out even to the edge of doom."
(Door buzzes)
(door shuts)
(crying)
(sighs heavily)
GEMMA: You stupid bitch.
Don't let him... you...
Don't let him do that.
(indistinct voice over P.A.)
LEE: That must have been really hard for you. Still a lot of big feelings there.
GEMMA: You're the coward behind the glass?
LEE: Lee Toric, Pamela's brother. The nurse Otto s*ab in the throat.
GEMMA: Jesus Christ. You're law.
(buzzer sounds)
You're the one protecting him.
LEE: Right now, I'm just a heartbroken family member like you.
GEMMA: You turn Clay? Is that why he's puking up all that sorrow?
LEE: I don't want to spoil the big surprise. He really wants to tell Jax in person.
GEMMA: You're a dick.
GAALAN: Jackson. This is Connor Malone. He'll be handling things for me stateside.
JAX: Jax. Good to meet you.
CONNOR: Likewise.
TIG: Tig.
CONNOR: Cheers.
CHIBS: Con.
CONNOR: Filip.
CHIBS: How are you?
CONNOR: Good, my boy.
CHIBS: Good to see you.
GAALAN: Moving up the Scot. Number two.
Maybe you're smarter than you look.
JAX: I'm glad you stuck around for a while.
GAALAN: I'm not.
I hate California.
But after I heard about Clay, thought it best.
CONNOR: What happened with Pope?
JAX: That wasn't a club call.
Clay let his rage get the best of him.
Got sloppy.
GAALAN: I've known Clay a very long time.
He's a lot of things.
Sloppy isn't one of them.
Maybe you can enlighten me.
JAX: Let's talk.
You got something you need to say?
GAALAN: The last conversation I had with Clay, he wanted two things... lay low in Belfast because of internal heat, and set himself up as my U.S. distributor, because he knew you had plans to shed the g*n business.
So you can see why I'm a bit curious about his sudden incarceration.
JAX: Clay was right.
I've been giving a lot of thought to moving us out of g*n.
It's a different climate, different world than it was ten, 20 years ago.
We're under the microscope.
MC just barely squeezed past a RICO crush.
Next time, we're not gonna be so lucky.
GAALAN: We always find ways around the law.
JAX: It's not just about heat from the cops.
Yesterday, some kid blew away his classmates with one of our KG-9's.
That shit grips the public, whips everyone up.
GAALAN: Some politician pledges vengeance and reform.
Six months from now, no one remembers.
Just ride it out.
JAX: Part of that reform usually means finding a scapegoat.
Right now, we're low-hanging fruit.
I got no choice, Gaalan.
I got to move us out of g*n.
GAALAN: I'd advise against that.
JAX: Yeah, I figured you would.
There's another charter...
San Bernardino.
They've always wanted a biggerpiece of g*n for SoCal.
I can get Sam Dino to pick up our whole inventory.
Nothing changes on your end.
Sambel runs protection.
You ship through Mendocino.
Same deal, just a different territory.
Granted, I know how much you'll miss working with me.
GAALAN: I'll take it back to the Kings.
I think they'll let you walk away if they know you're doubling their business.
JAX: It's not gonna get doubled.
GAALAN: Yes, it will.
We've worked too hard to build this business in Northern Cali.
There's no way I'm gonna let it default to the Chinks.
I understand you want to wash your hands of it, but if Clay does get locked up, I'll want access to him.
I'll need him to reach out to your customers, make sure they stay in my camp.
JAX: Club can't be a part of that.
You distribute on your own out here.
GAALAN: We can make that work.
JAX: Okay.
GAALAN: One more thing.
Just an inventory issue.
We've a surplus of KG-9's.
I'm gonna ship 'em all out to you.
JAX: Did you hear what I just said?
GAALAN: I heard you.
But you know how it works, son.
Fear stokes the imagination.
Everyone wants the deadliest g*n.
Double the price, KG-9's will sell themselves.
Looks like we all have something to gain from this tragedy.
I'll let you know what the Kings decide.
Until then, business as usual.
CHIBS: What was that all about?
JAX: Just learning how to bond.
(car doors close, engine starts)
Get the prospects to move these g*n to the warehouse.
You don't put anything out till I say so.
CHIBS: Come on, Jackie.
We got a lot of people waiting for deliveries.
JAX: I don't give a shit about people.
Feds are gonna put us on the radar after this sh**ting.
I'm not putting any g*dd*mn g*n on the street.
CHIBS: We just laid out a load of cash.
Selling is club business.
We need to take this to the table.
JAX: We're not gonna have a table, Chibs, if we don't play this shit the right way.
TIG: We got it. We got it, we got it.
Chibby, we'll work this out at chapel.
CHIBS: Yeah.
TIG: Come on.
(buzzer sounds)
(buzzer sounds)
CLAY: You know my deal.
LEE: I need to track down Jax.
This gives me the time to do that.
If you want to be alive to talk to the guy you want to hurt, you need to sign.
CLAY: I'm gonna rat out my own son, give up my club, I'm gonna look him in the eye before I do that, tell him why.
MARGARET: Hey.
TARA: Hey.
Thanks for coming by.
MARGARET: Of course.
Saw the boys downstairs.
They look happy.
TARA: Yeah.
They're good.
MARGARET: Is your hand acting up again?
TARA: Doesn't matter.
I know Oregon pulled their offer.
MARGARET: I'm so sorry.
What can I do?
TARA: I need to ask you a favor.
I need some blood work done confidentially.
MARGARET: Are you okay?
TARA: I need a pregnancy test.
(bell ringing)
(indistinct, distant shouting)
CLAY: Hey!
Is that the last bell?
GUARD: Yup. Locking it down.
No more visitors, no more calls.
TARA: So, this is all the stuff from the office.
Documents my injury and...
LOWEN: Mmm.
TARA:... the dates.
Did you go through the pads?
LOWEN: Yes.
They are, uh, very... very thorough.
And terrifying.
TARA: You know, some of that stuff... I...
I let it happen. I stayed.
Doesn't that implicate me?
LOWEN: No, this isn't about criminality.
It's about a culture of v*olence.
If you do need to serve time, we have to establish that Jax and his association with the club was a danger to your boys.
He is not a viable guardian.
But the things you wrote down won't indict you or him of any crimes.
TARA: Okay.
LOWEN: We still have to contend with Gemma.
Grandmothers pushing for custody make a compelling case.
TARA: That's not gonna happen.
LOWEN: Here's a rough draft.
Look it over.
Are you certain about Wendy?
TARA: No.
But I am certain about the alternative.
LOWEN: Okay. I will wait until right before your trial to file for the divorce, but as far as the motion for Wendy to be the primary guardian for the boys, we should move on that right away.
You will want that in place if something were to happen to you.
(baby babbling)
(Darvany pants loudly)
ARCADIO: Hey, how long we gonna be here, man?
NERO: I don't know.
We're gonna try to get her up north until this all dies down.
DARVANY: No.
I don't want to go up north.
That's bullshit. I got to bury my baby.
NERO: Look, Darvany, Darvany.
Look, I know how hard this must be for you, but we're doing this for your own good.
Hey, we're doing this to protect you.
(motorcycle engines approaching)
(Nero sighs)
(Darvany cries quietly)
DARVANY: They think I'm gonna tell the cops about the g*n. They're gonna k*ll me.
ARCADIO: No, no, no.
They're gonna help you, baby.
Promise.
DARVANY: Shit!
You got to keep me even.
I can't do this cold.
ARCADIO: I know, I know.
I know. It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay.
DARVANY: Yeah.
(crying)
Mommy's sorry, baby.
Mommy's so sorry.
I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry.
JAX: How she doing?
NERO: Even for now.
Got to try to keep her that way.
ARCADIO: I got my guys making a run.
JAX: Yeah, okay.
(car approaches)
HAPPY: Gemma.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
What are you doing here?
GEMMA: Hey, I got to talk to you.
(car door shuts)
JAX: What happened?
GEMMA: I found out who's protecting him.
That nurse that Otto k*lled, it's her brother.
JAX: Oh, shit.
He's a marshal.
GEMMA: It was crazy, Jax.
Clay's telling me how he forgives me.
Thinks I did the right thing.
JAX: That doesn't sound like Clay.
GEMMA: No.
Sounds like a guy who's bleeding guilt
'cause he made a deal.
You got to go find out what's going on.
(g*n blast)
DARVANY: Put 'em down!
NERO: Whoa! Whoa!
DARVANY: Put 'em down now!
CHIBS: Hey, hey, hey.
DARVANY: Put the g*n on the table!
ARCADIO: Baby, don't do this.
DARVANY: Back up!
We got to get out of here.
ARCADIO: Put the g*n down.
Darvy, put the g*n down.
Please, baby...
(Darvany panting)
DARVANY: Arcadio, please, you have to...
ARCADIO: No! Drop it, Jax!
DARVANY: Drop it!
(Darvany panting)
NERO: No, no, no, no!
(Darvany grunts)
DARVANY: Drop it!
(g*n)
NERO: Gemma!
DARVANY: Drop it now!
Move! Keys!
GEMMA: Ignition!
ARCADIO: Baby, don't do this!
DARVANY: They're gonna k*ll us! Please!
Come with me!
NERO: Arcadio!
ARCADIO: Shit. Slide over.
(g*n)
DARVANY: No!
(sobbing)
(panting)
NERO: Jax!
(Darvany grunting)
Jax!
No, no, no, mano!
No, no, no!
We can't do that.
(Darvany sobbing)
(motorcycles roaring)
(groans, sighs)
(groans)
(exhales)
(groaning)
(grunts)
(grunting)
(grunts loudly)
(grunting)
(exhales)
(Darvany sobbing in distance)
JAX: You let me know what you want to do.
(Nero sniffles)
(shuddering breath, sighs)
(crying)
JAX: She locked down tight?
TIG: Yeah, she's not going anywhere.
CHIBS: She's starting to bend pretty bad.
JAX: You got it?
JAX: Chibs...
I got this.
You guys start cleaning Gemma's car.
Break down that r*fle.
CHIBS: Okay.
JAX: Juice, get the kit.
HAPPY: Got your ball-peen?
CHIBS: Aye.
PATTERSON: We can get one of those later on.
(siren wailing in distance)
LEE: Cooperation affidavit signed by the former president of the Sons of Anarchy, Clay Morrow.
His testimony lets me reopen a RICO case against the MC.
I point the g*n dealing to San Joaquin, hand you your villains.
PATTERSON: We both know this is generic, inadmissible bullshit.
LEE: You got to move slowly with these guys, get 'em to swallow a piece at a time.
Turning rat doesn't come easy.
PATTERSON: I don't have time to move slowly.
You want to use this guy, I'll have my office draft up an agreement of cooperation, something with teeth.
Then maybe we can get a sh*t at RICO.
LEE: I'll make that happen.
PATTERSON: You want these guys d*ad, don't you?
LEE: Yeah.
And you want out of this bullshit county, and this win puts your résumé on the map, coast to coast.
PATTERSON: You, Mr. Toric, are a risk.
Your... jacket reads like a bad detective novel.
Volatile, recalcitrant.
LEE: And the highest arrest record in the history of my field office.
PATTERSON: Before we bring these bikers down, I need a public hanging of this local crew.
Yes, a win here will help my career, but d*ad kids makes this case as personal for me as the m*rder of your sister is for you.
LEE: Understood.
PATTERSON: I'll get you that agreement.
LEE: You better give county a call.
If Clay Morrow loses his PC, there won't be anyone alive to sign it.
JUICE: Relax, okay?
I got it, dude.
(door shuts)
(breathing softly)
(Juice sighs)
(muffled shout)
(gasping)
(muffled whimpering)
JAX: She good?
JUICE: Yeah.
(water running)
(crowd chatter) (door closes)
Welcome to Diosa Norte.
Do you have an appointment?
LEE: No.
Is that okay?
Of course.
These are the girls here tonight and our fees.
LEE: Do you have to spend time with them here?
Most of our escorts do out-service dates, as well.
This is our Goddess Bar.
Feel free to mingle.
Drinks are complimentary.
LEE: Thank you.
Club soda.
(indistinct chatter)
(sniffles)
JUICE: I don't know, man.
Gave her half the ten-pack.
Look at the balloon.
There's still dope in it.
NERO: Where'd you get it?
FIASCO: Waterloo.
NERO: Casey's crew?
FIASCO: No.
I... I know the dude.
JAX: Who knows what else she took?
She probably dropped something before she went commando.
It's all right.
(indistinct chatter)
NERO: Arcadio betrayed me.
That had to happen.
But she... has two other kids.
Live with the dad.
Her youngest is d*ad now, mano.
d*ad 'cause of me and you.
Don't matter what the risk is!
We don't hurt people like that.
But I got to know.
Her d*ad in that other room... that was your call?
JAX: No.
Nero... it had to be the drugs.
I'm sorry. I know how rough this has been on you, brother.
But everything I'm doing here is for you.
(Nero sighs)
(Jax sighs)
JAX: Can you handle this?
I got to get home, see the wife.
CHIBS: We got this.
(crickets chirping)
(buzzer sounds)
Looks like you bought yourself another good night's sleep.
(door slams shut)
(door creaks open)
(door creaks shut)
JAX: I'm so glad you're home, babe.
TARA: Me, too.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: Sorry I was gone all day.
TARA: It's okay.
What's going on with Nero?
JAX: Nothing.
Little Latino family crisis.
How about you?
Anything happen here?
TARA (chuckles): No.
Quiet mom day.
♪
LEE: Tell your boss he has a nice place.
(speaking Spanish)
NERO: I'll see you on the other side.
(insects chirring)
Hey. Okay.
(body tumbles into grave)
(shoveling)
GEMMA: I'm here, baby.
♪
(panting)
(bed springs creaking)
(Tara gasping) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "06x02 - One One Six"} | foreverdreaming |
CLAY: Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
NERO: That boy that k*lled those kids in the school yesterday, he belonged to my cousin's old lady. He used a KG-9.
JAX: Ours?
NERO: Yeah.
LYLA (crying): Jax... It was supposed to be just some fetish stuff. It was t*rture p*rn.
JAX: Who were they?
LYLA: Persians.
Ghanezi brothers.
(Tig yells)
AUGUST: You still owe us Trager.
JAX: My club has been cut in half. I lose another body, my charter folds.
AUGUST: Ain't my problem.
JAX: Haven't heard anything about Clay.
AUGUST: And you won't. Until he's out of protective custody. Someone wants him alive.
LEE: I need another angle into the MC. Sign this agreement to cooperate, and I promise you a legal team to fight this bullshit m*rder.
CLAY: I want to see my wife. And I want to see my son.
GEMMA: You think I feel bad for what I did?
CLAY: I just want you to know... you did the right thing.
GEMMA: Clay's telling me how he forgives me.
He's crazy, Jax.
You got to go find out what's going on.
LOWEN: The motion for Wendy to be the primary guardian for the boys, we should move on that right away.
You will want that in place if something were to happen to you.
COLETTE: You okay?
JAX: I'm sorry. It's a family thing.
COLETTE: You know, I listen almost as good as I suck dick.
GEMMA: How's Bobby?
JUICE: I got a feeling he's gonna patch out of Redwood.
GEMMA: Nomads folded.
JUICE: All you need is four members that don't have a home anymore.
LEE: You need to sign.
CLAY: I'm gonna rat out my own son, I'm gonna look him in the eye before I do that.
LEE: Cooperation affidavit signed by the former president of the Sons of Anarchy, Clay Morrow.
His testimony lets me reopen a RICO case against the MC.
I point the g*n dealing to San Joaquin and hand you your villains.
PATTERSON: You want these guys d*ad, don't you?
LEE: Hurting people who hurt people.
That's always my endgame.
Tell your boss he has a nice place.
PATTERSON: The boy's journal that was found at the crime scene has been analyzed by several psychiatric experts.
I can't go into details about the contents other than to say they were violent and very disturbing.
The journal and other belongings in the boy's locker supported the school's growing concern about the state of Matthew Jennings' mental health.
We know that the diocese made a recommendation over a year ago that the boy seek outside counseling.
Whether that intervention took place is still being determined as we continue our ongoing discussion with the Jennings family.
As far as the w*apon goes, we've identified it as an older, pre-1982, KG-9 submachine g*n.
Modified to be fully a*t*matic, with a standard 20-round magazine.
Because of the modification and the lack of serial numbers, we know that the g*n had to be purchased illegally.
We're still trying to determine whether and how Matthew acquired this w*apon.
Stockton police, the A*F and special investigators are deep into this.
It is my highest priority, as your district attorney, as a proud resident of this county, and as a mother, to find the parties responsible for putting a w*apon so deadly into the hands of a child so broken.
Thank you.
That's all for now.
Tell me you found the mother.
GRAVES: Nowhere.
Friends, coworkers-- no one's seen or heard from her.
PATTERSON: Shit. The boyfriend?
GRAVES: Arcadio Norona. MIA.
We picked up the two Byz-lats that were at the house.
They claim Darvany and Arcadio were both there when they left.
PATTERSON: - Leverage? GRAVES: - None.
They were clean.
Had to release them.
(church bells toll)
GEMMA: How'd it go?
NERO: Makes me feel better.
GEMMA: That's good.
What do you tell him?
(Nero scoffs)
NERO: My sins, mama.
In a way.
GEMMA: Well, then what?
He sprinkles his magic Jesus water, and everybody pretends the bad shit never happened?
NERO: Yeah.
Something like that.
GEMMA: I'm sorry.
NERO: It's okay.
Look, I don't know if it works.
I guess I've been doing it for so long... I'm afraid how bad it gets if I stop.
GEMMA: You're a good man.
NERO: Hmm.
(water running)
(water flow slows)
(water dripping)
ERIN: Hey, baby, what...?
(silenced g*n)
(Erin gasping)
LEE: Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry.
ERIN: - You sh*t me. LEE: - Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
It's-it's okay. You're gonna... Um... ERIN: - Oh. Oh, God.
LEE: Oh, shit. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're gonna be fine.
Shh, shh. No, no, no, no.
(Erin sobbing)
You're okay. You're okay. Shh, shh, shh. It's gonna be okay. Shh.
ERIN: - Oh, God, no. LEE: - I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
(silenced g*n)
Room six. PATTERSON: - Okay, thanks.
(knocking)
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ a perfect line ♪
♪ on the devil's bed ♪
♪ until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ in the eye ♪
(knocking) PATTERSON: Mr. Toric?
(knocking) LEE: I'm coming!
PATTERSON: - Did we wake you? LEE: - Yeah.
I was up late. Research.
PATTERSON: Why didn't you tell me about Tara Knowles?
I just came from my weekly case briefings.
LEE: I talked to her. She's toeing the family line.
PATTERSON: She's a surgeon facing manslaughter.
No room to push there?
LEE: The reality of jail time hasn't set in yet.
Morrow was b*rned by the club.
Now he's facing a yard full of shivs.
He's our best play. PATTERSON: - Play it.
Agreement to turn State's evidence.
Get him to sign it. LEE: - It's my first stop.
PATTERSON: Make this your second.
Matthew Jennings' mother's missing.
Literally slipped out the back door while we were babysitting.
LEE: Banger beau's missing, too, I assume.
PATTERSON: Yes, and of course, nobody knows anything.
LEE: Nero Padilla.
He's Arcadio Norona's cousin.
He's a Byz-lat OG.
Runs semi-legit escorts.
Currently in business with Jax Teller, SOA's president and Dr. Knowles' significant other.
If anyone knows where the kid's mom is, it'll be Padilla.
PATTERSON: Good. Start with the two shit heads at the Jennings house.
Maybe they'll flip on the OG, give us some leverage.
LEE: Does this mean I'm on the team?
PATTERSON: Track down Darvany Jennings, find out who gave her son a submachine g*n.
LEE: I'll take that as a yes.
PATTERSON: Take it any way you want.
(knocking) ROOSEVELT: Yeah?
CANE: Teller's here. Wants to talk to you.
(sniffles)
JAX: What's going on with Clay? He summoned me to County.
ROOSEVELT: Talk to his public defender.
He should be at his parole violation hearing right about now.
JAX: Gemma saw Clay yesterday, ran into an ex-marshal, Toric.
Brother of the nurse Otto k*lled.
(Roosevelt sighs) Is this him?
ROOSEVELT: Well, I heard the marshal's been pulling some serious favors to keep Clay whole and away from Pope's k*ll squad.
He also paid a visit to Tara inside.
He's the one that processed her arrest.
JAX: What does he want from Tara?
ROOSEVELT: The same thing that he wants from Clay.
Something to crush the guys that m*rder his sister.
JAX: And I guess you can relate.
Same hate you got for Clay for k*lling your wife.
ROOSEVELT: I'm not involved here.
JAX: Yeah, okay.
(clears throat)
(sniffles)
(sighs)
(door opening)
(distant siren blaring)
_
UNSER: - Morning. TARA: - Hey.
UNSER: - Let me get that. TARA: - Oh. Thanks.
UNSER: No problem.
Uh, there you go.
TARA: - Gemma here? UNSER: - Uh, not yet.
I can, uh, handle 'em for a while if you got to run.
TARA: Uh, I can wait for a bit.
(Abel giggles)
UNSER: Okay. Hey!
Ah. Easy. Look at him go.
TARA: How's that working out for you?
UNSER: Spending my twilight years in a trailer next to a used oil bin?
What I dreamed of since I was a boy.
(both chuckle)
How you doing?
You getting through this?
TARA: No choice, right?
UNSER: You're gonna be okay, sweetheart.
TARA: Not about me anymore.
(car door opens)
(car door shuts)
GEMMA: - Hey. TARA: - Hey.
GEMMA: - You dropping 'em off? TARA: - Is that okay?
I have to go to St. Thomas and get my hand checked.
GEMMA: That happen in County?
TARA: Making friends the Gemma way.
(Gemma chuckles)
They missed you.
GEMMA: Yeah, that's nice to know.
TARA: I'll be back in a few hours.
GEMMA: Yeah, sure.
UNSER: That's a very worried mother.
GEMMA: She's got no idea.
(door buzzes)
(door shuts)
CLAY: Didn't think you'd come.
(chains rattle)
JAX: Well, I'm here.
CLAY: Appreciate that.
JAX: So say what you got to say.
CLAY: Everything that went down... I get it.
I earned it.
JAX: I'm not buying the mea culpa.
What did you give the marshal for PC?
CLAY: Promised to give up the club if he let me see you and Gemma.
I just... just wanted you to know...
I'm sorry.
For all of it.
JAX: You shedding the guilt before you turn?
CLAY: No turn. No.
No, I ain't giving him shit.
They'll send me back to gen pop.
And that'll play out like expected.
(sighs)
All right.
That's all I wanted to say.
JAX: I'm sorry about your sister.
I can feel how personal this is for you.
But SAMCRO didn't k*ll her.
Otto acted alone.
He's not a member anymore.
He's just a broken guy, more than a few blocks from sane.
I don't give a shit what you do to him.
But if you try to come after my wife... try to tie her to this m*rder... you're gonna feel how personal this is for me.
(knocking)
(door buzzes)
(door shuts)
(door buzzes, opens)
(door shuts)
LEE: I'm hoping that was all posturing.
Protecting your outlaw legacy for as long as you can.
Your parole violation sends you back to Stockton.
They got you on the
11:30 transport.
My guess... you'll never make it to the inside of a cell.
You are too smart to go down like this.
Your club sets you up for m*rder.
Your wife betrayed you.
Come on, Clay.
I know how much you want to hurt them.
(chuckles)
You know, I can't help but see the irony in all of this.
You've gotten away with how many kills in the last 30 years?
Hmm? And the one that gets you the death sentence is the one you didn't do.
(chuckles)
(motorcycle rumbling)
(shuts engine off)
(Thomas cooing)
JAX: Where's Tara?
GEMMA: She had a doctor's appointment.
Her hand.
JAX: She say when she'll be back?
GEMMA: Couple hours. Why?
JAX: I need to ask her something.
GEMMA: - Did you see Clay? JAX: - Yeah.
Got the same sad speech.
GEMMA: Did you find out what he gave the marshal?
Why he's protecting him?
JAX: Clay swears he didn't give Toric anything.
TIG: You believe him?
JAX: He's supposed to transfer to Stockton this morning.
We'll see where he ends up.
If he's still in protective custody, he was lying.
TIG: All right.
CHIBS: And if he isn't... he's d*ad.
JAX: Either way, this marshal is still a problem.
I got no doubt he's already made the Byz-lat connection to this school sh**ting.
HAPPY: We're laying low on g*n.
Byz-lat ties are buried.
JAX: Yeah, he's gonna come at this any way he can.
We got to assume every move we make is being watched.
Play it straight. Not even a parking ticket, you understand?
JUICE: - Yeah. CHIBS: - Aye.
TIG: All right.
JAX: All right, I got to meet Nero in Stockton, sign these new Diosa papers.
CHIBS: Okay, well, me, Tig, Juice, Hap, we'll come with you.
Phil, I need you to grab some of the prospects, jump into TM.
Our place is falling way behind.
JUICE: Someone should reach out to Bobby, fill him in about Clay.
JAX: Then do it.
CHIBS: Jackie boy, you need to call Bobby.
He needs to hear from you.
JAX: If he misses me so much, he shouldn't have left.
Let's go.
BOBBY: - Thanks.
You're welcome.
BOBBY: I knew this would be a huge change for you guys.
Grown accustomed to the gambling and over-the-counter p*ssy, but it's an opportunity to make club history.
HOPPER: North Vegas is cool with me moving on.
QUINN: Indian Hills, too.
BOBBY: Jury was the one who recommended we talk to you.
Knowing that Reno was getting a little thick.
Jax signed off on you putting this thing together?
BOBBY: No.
It was my call.
It's time for a change.
I need it, and this club needs it.
I'm in.
Me, too.
LEE: Is this barrio brew any good?
Hmm?
(sniffs)
Where is an opener?
Where are Darvany Jennings and Arcadio Norona?
GOMES: Who?
(Lee chuckles)
(grunting, muffled shouting)
(coughing)
LEE: Damn.
(Fiasco pants)
FIASCO: We ain't got no idea, guero.
(groaning)
(groaning)
(panting)
LEE: What do you know? Twist-off.
That is good. That's real good.
Mmm.
GEMMA: Little thing.
UNSER: Go ahead. I'll watch 'em.
GEMMA: Here, baby.
Come on.
Hey. WENDY: - Hey.
GEMMA: - What do you need? WENDY: - Sorry.
I... I didn't know they were here.
Is Jax around? GEMMA: - No.
What's going on?
WENDY: I was att*cked.
GEMMA: att*cked?
By who?
WENDY: Some assh*le at an NA meeting.
GEMMA: Come on.
(Wendy sighs) What happened?
WENDY: This newcomer asked me for my number.
Mexican guy, prison ink.
He was a scary dude. And I said no.
And I saw him again at another meeting the next night, and he followed me out to my car, grabbed me by the neck and shoved his hands down my pants.
(Wendy sighs)
So I gouged his eyes, I run to my car.
And as I'm pulling out, he starts screaming that him and his friends are gonna find me and r*pe me bloody.
(Wendy sighs) I believe him.
GEMMA: Did you get a name?
WENDY: Just a first. His name is Luis.
I'm scared, Gemma.
I-I know Jax is pissed at me, but...
GEMMA: It's okay. I... Let me talk to him.
WENDY: Okay.
Thanks.
(Wendy sighs)
Okay.
GEMMA: Hey, look, why don't you come by the house today when you're done with work?
WENDY: Okay. Thanks.
GEMMA: Come here, honey.
It's gonna be okay.
NERO: Now, once you apply for a license, they send someone from the city manager's office.
They do an inspection, make sure everything's legit.
BAROSKY: I could probably help with that.
COLETTE: How deep is that inspection?
Do they look at my books?
JAX: Yeah, everything. And they can drop by any time.
Nero will show you how to protect the in-house income.
NERO: Girls got to be willing to do things by the book, though.
COLETTE: They know. I run a very conservative house.
JAX: We like p*ssy that slants a little to the right.
(a*t*matic g*n)
(people yelling)
(tires screeching)
(glass breaking)
(car alarm sounding)
(siren whoops)
BAROSKY: - Thanks, Steve. STEVE: - No problem.
NERO: - How's your guy?
He's got three b*ll*ts in his back.
How do you think he is? JAX: - Was this us or you?
BAROSKY: Witness got a partial plate on the white Mercedes.
One match-- Amir Ghanezi.
CHIBS: - t*rture p*rn scumbag. JAX: - I thought that was handled.
BAROSKY: So did I. Anything I should know?
JAX: No, man. We did exactly as you said.
NERO: We also stole his money and his drugs, trashed his studio.
That could have stirred up some bad feelings.
BAROSKY: Well, let's go find out. He's got a boat in the marina.
It's probably halfway to the Caspian Sea by now.
JAX: Hey, we need to give you a ride to your house?
BAROSKY: She should stay here. My guys will keep an eye on her.
COLETTE: Yeah, I'll wait here.
JAX: Juice? Hang with Colette. Keep your eyes open.
BAROSKY: Am I talking to myself here or what?
NERO: Hey, just in case your guys actually get a real police call, huh?
COLETTE: Yeah, don't fight over me, boys. My daddy says I'm not worth it.
JAX: I'll check in later.
(motorcycle engine starts)
PATTERSON: Did Morrow sign the affidavit?
LEE: I missed him at County. I got to wait till he's processed in Stockton. I did chat with the two Byz-lats. They couldn't say much.
PATTERSON: Couldn't or wouldn't?
LEE: Both. They're protecting Nero Padilla. He's the way to tie the MC to the g*n.
PATTERSON: I checked him out. OG's been living clean. There's nothing outstanding.
LEE: I hear he's brutal with his girls.
I'll need to run a check on all his escorts, see if any have something they may want to trade.
PATTERSON: Do it.
DA Patterson's office.
Yes.
PATTERSON: Sign this.
Covers my ass in case you go rogue.
Special investigator is a week-to-week gig.
This week's almost up. I assume you have a g*n.
LEE: I might have one laying around.
NERO: I forgot how much work this is.
Active duty. Very few straight lines, eh?
BAROSKY: East dock, slip 17. The boat's called the Dayoos.
I count three on the deck.
NERO: Okay, so how we gonna do this?
(indistinct chatter)
BAROSKY: Let's make it a social call.
JAX: These assholes just tried to blow us away.
BAROSKY: What's the matter, kid-- too risky?
CHIBS: No, no, no. Too stupid.
JAX: No, it's okay.
CHIBS: - Jackie... JAX: - Who's gonna take a sh*t at me when I'm with the Lord of the Docks?
Let's go make some friends.
(seagull squawking)
(distant chatter)
Amir? Amir?
BAROSKY: Hey, Amir, we just want to talk, figure out what the beef is.
(Amir speaks quietly)
Toss your g*n.
(gulls screeching)
JAX: What's the matter, old man?
Too risky?
(buoy bell clanging)
(buoy bell clanging)
AMIR: So talk.
JAX: We know you were the one that tried to blow our heads off.
AMIR: Yeah? Then have me arrested.
BAROSKY: Hey, you sh*t up my place, you put a friend of mine in the hospital.
AMIR: These biker assholes crashed my studio, scared my girls.
JAX: We scared your girls?
You had them caged and r*ped, you filthy Arab.
BAROSKY: Okay, okay, okay. Enough.
We settled that. AMIR: - No.
I... haven't seen my brother since they took him.
But... we found his jacket in the water this morning.
I know they k*lled him!
And they dumped his body in the bay.
JAX: Amir, I don't know what happened to your brother, but I am telling you, we didn't k*ll him.
BAROSKY: It's true. I was with him in the warehouse when they cut your brother loose.
JAX: You see?
And he was pissed that you caved.
That's probably why he split.
AMIR: No. Kia would never just walk away from his family.
JAX: Well, then, keep looking, because we got no idea where he is.
BAROSKY: Amir, this is done. Get it?
AMIR: For now... we're even.
BAROSKY: Well, I didn't say we were even.
(groaning)
(grunting)
(g*n cocks)
JAX: - Don't move. BAROSKY: - Now, that feels like even.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
BAROSKY: Now, you start your boat, and you set sail, and you keep going.
And if I ever see you or your goddamned Iranian kin in my town again, I will personally gut every one of you.
Want to tell me what happened to the brother?
JAX: I don't know.
Look, I'm not playing you, man. I told my guy to cut him loose.
BAROSKY: And did he?
If you can't trust your crew, I can't trust you.
JAX: I'll handle it.
BAROSKY: You owe me one, handsome Jack.
CHIBS: So... what went down on that boat?
JAX: You were right.
They were pissed 'cause we pushed them out.
NERO: Are we all settled now?
I hope.
JAX: Yeah.
All settled.
NERO: I got to get back, check in with Diosa.
You want to handle this?
On the gate.
(door buzzes)
(door opens)
(door shuts)
(chains rattling)
Nuts and butts, Morrow.
(knocking)
(door opens)
(door shuts)
Ain't nobody watching.
CLAY: That didn't take long.
That's cause it's your day of reckoning, old white dude.
(grunting)
(grunts)
(panting)
CLAY: Just get it done.
That's gonna be your choice.
TARA: - Hey. GEMMA: - Hey.
TARA: Where's Abel?
GEMMA: Unser and Phil are making him popcorn.
That one just ate. TARA: - Mmm, good.
GEMMA: - How's the hand? TARA: - Oh, about the same.
Thank you... for looking after them.
GEMMA: Of course.
Hey.
Um... you and Jax ever... ever talk to Wendy about that whole guardian thing?
TARA: No, not really. I have other things on my mind.
GEMMA: Yeah, I guess so. Need help with any of that?
TARA: Uh, I don't think so.
At least, not yet.
GEMMA: What's that supposed to mean?
TARA: If I... tell you something, do you promise to keep it to yourself?
GEMMA: Secrets are what I do.
TARA (chuckles): I'm pregnant.
About eight weeks.
GEMMA (exhales): Oh, my God. That's wonderful.
TARA: The timing kind of sucks, but yeah...
GEMMA: - H-How's Jax with it? TARA: - I just found out for sure.
I'll tell him tonight.
GEMMA: Oh, honey, we're gonna figure everything out, sweetheart.
That's fantastic.
ABEL: Mommy!
(Tara chuckles)
GEMMA: Oh!
TARA (laughs): Come here.
What are you doing?
You been having such a good time?
(Abel laughs)
(motorcycles roaring)
(engines stop)
JAX: What's going on? Where's Colette?
JUICE: Closed up shop.
One of Barosky's guys picked her up a few minutes ago.
Said she'd call you. JAX: - All right.
I'm gonna go see her. Tig.
TIG: - Yeah. JAX: - You're with me.
Rest of you guys head back to TM.
I need you there.
Put everyone on notice, just until we know this Persian thing is done.
CHIBS: Aye. Okay.
Let's go.
(engines start)
TIG: - So we heading over to Colette's? JAX: - Just me.
I didn't want to say anything at the docks in front of our Catholic friend.
TIG: What's going on?
JAX: That Persian p*rn equipment, we pack all that shit up?
TIG: Yeah, man. It's at the port.
JAX: All right. I need you to head down there.
I'm gonna send a prospect with the van.
I want you to store it at the g*n warehouse, just in case Ghanezi comes looking for it.
TIG: I thought that was all handled.
JAX: The younger brother never showed up.
They found his jacket in the bay this morning.
Amir thinks we k*lled him.
TIG: You kidding me?
I cut him loose, man.
JAX: I know. You remember where it is?
TIG: Yeah, it's just off of Fremont.
JAX: All right.
I love you, brother. TIG: - Love you, too.
(indistinct chatter)
(door buzzes)
CLAY: Clay Morrow.
Just dropped into K-Level.
You already got tagged out.
What happened? CLAY: - Internal matter.
Ask around.
Lenny the Pimp's a brother.
MC don't mean shit around here.
CLAY: I know the drill.
All right, wait here. Let me talk to Carson.
LEE: I'm gonna make all this matter.
(grunts)
(grunting)
(indistinct chatter)
(laughter)
Hey.
Think she's upstairs.
COLETTE: Oh, yeah.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yeah.
BAROSKY: That's it.
(grunts) That's it, baby!
That's it, baby.
That's it. COLETTE: - Oh, yes.
Oh, yeah.
BAROSKY: That's it.
Get it. Get it.
That's it, baby.
(Colette moaning)
(indistinct chatter)
CARSON: Clay.
Heard you buried Damon Pope.
Need some cover from GN.
CLAY: Yeah.
Gray boy!
(grunting)
(inmates shouting)
(grunting)
(car door opens, shuts)
(car door opens)
AUGUST: Keep it tight. Stay sharp.
Jackson.
JAX: August.
I haven't heard anything from Stockton.
AUGUST: Clay's still alive.
But he had to earn it.
JAX: Thanks for making that happen.
AUGUST: Hey, don't thank me yet.
He's d*ad before morning if I don't like the reason.
JAX: I'm taking your mentor's lead.
Shedding the thing that brings us heat.
AUGUST: - g*n. JAX: - Yeah.
Clay has old-school ties with the IRA.
I might need him to navigate a very messy breakup.
I want him d*ad as much as you do.
This is business.
It's the smart play.
AUGUST: It's smart for you.
It compromises me.
It sends the wrong message.
JAX: I get that.
I'm resurrecting Caracara.
It's our own p*rn studio.
I know it's not exactly the type of business Pope Industries usually associates with, but... it could be very lucrative for a silent partner.
AUGUST: And our other piece of business?
Send me the business plan for your adult entertainment enterprise, okay?
JAX: Yeah.
(car door opens)
(car door shuts)
(engine starts)
(car departs)
HOPPER: Gonna head out with Montez and West.
BOBBY: Cool.
Get them to put in their letters right away.
I want those charters to sign off.
I want to be on the road by the end of the week.
HOPPER: They know. I'll see you then, brother.
(knocking)
(Gemma sighs)
(knocking continues)
GEMMA: Coming!
Hey. WENDY: - Hey.
GEMMA: - Any problems? WENDY: - No.
Scumbag didn't come by work.
You talk to Jax yet?
GEMMA: It's not a good time.
WENDY: Shit.
GEMMA: Here.
WENDY: - Oh, Jesus Christ. GEMMA: - Hey.
Until we shut this guy down, you got to protect yourself.
He's probably just noise.
You show him that, chances are you'll never see him again.
WENDY: Yeah, unless he pulls his own out and blows my head off.
GEMMA: Then you blow first.
I know these scumbags.
This is the only way they learn.
Look, it's... it's got no numbers on it.
Can never be traced to you.
Just keeping it in your bag will give you comfort.
WENDY: - It's a Kahr? GEMMA: - Yeah.
WENDY: How's the recoil on this thing?
GEMMA: Little snappy.
Come on. I'll walk you out.
Open!
(door buzzes)
(Clay grunts)
(groaning)
(door shuts, buzzes)
(panting)
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
(line ringing)
♪ ♪
(door opens)
Friends in the GN say thank you.
Might need this.
(grunting)
♪ ♪
_
(Nero speaks indistinctly)
(door clicks)
ROOSEVELT: - Who spotted it?
911 call.
Saw a Ford pickup truck pull away as they stopped to change a flat.
(flashlight clicks)
♪ ♪
(door creaks)
TIG: About time.
(speaks indistinctly)
Oh, shit.
JAX: I love you. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "06x03 - Poenitentia"} | foreverdreaming |
TARA: Previously on Sons of Anarchy.
LEE: Lee Toric, US Marshal, retired. The nurse that was m*rder, she was my sister.
OTTO: RICO's d*ad, bitch.
LEE: These next few months will be the most excruciatingly painful time of your sick and miserable life.
JAX: We haven't heard anything about Clay.
AUGUST: And you won't till he's out of protective custody. Someone wants him alive.
LEE: Former president turning state's evidence, feels like a good way to create some damage.
CLAY: No, I ain't giving him shit, so send me back to gen pop, and it'll play out like expected. Just get it done. That's gonna be your choice.
(men shouting)
Your friends in the GN say thank you. You might need this. Welcome to Diosa Norte.
LEE: Do you have to spend time with them here? Most of our escorts do out-service dates as well.
ERIN: Hey, baby...
(silenced g*n, screams)
LEE: - Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry. ERIN: - You sh*t me!
(silenced g*n)
LEE: I'm gonna make all this matter.
ROOSEVELT: - Who spotted it?
911 call. Saw a Ford pickup truck pull away as they stopped to change a flat and spotted the body.
JAX: Why is Wendy listed on there as a guardian?
TARA: She's the best choice.
WENDY: I was att*cked.
GEMMA: att*cked? By who?
WENDY: Some assh*le at an NA meeting.
Mexican guy, prison ink. He was a scary dude.
I-I know Jax is pissed at me, but... GEMMA: - It's okay.
Let me talk to him.
LOWEN: Are you certain about Wendy?
TARA: No, but I am certain about the alternative.
AUGUST: You still owe us Trager.
TIG: About time.
Oh, shit.
(groaning)
(clears throat)
(grunting)
(coughs)
(liquid boiling)
(motorcycle approaching)
(beeps)
(knocking on door)
JAX: - You're up early, brother. TIG: - Yeah.
I got quite, quite the surprise last night at the port, man.
August March showed up, a few of Pope's guys.
Shit, I thought it was all going down.
JAX: What happened?
TIG: He was there looking for you.
Clay's in gen pop.
I guess he's made some kind of deal.
August needs to talk to you about it first thing this morning, power tower.
(baby crying)
JAX: Okay.
Anything else?
TIG: No.
Hey.
JAX: - Sorry. TIG: - Morning.
TARA: Yes, it is.
JAX: Okay, well, I'll call August.
TIG: You know, the prospects, they never showed up with that truck last night.
Man, I waited, like, three hours.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: I'm sorry. That was my bad, brother.
I just got so much shit going on here.
TIG: No, I get it.
I do.
Am I good with you, Jax?
JAX: Yeah.
Yeah.
TIG: Okay.
JAX: It's all good, brother.
TIG: All right.
All right.
(dog barking outside)
LYLA: Okay.
He's just pulling in now.
ROOSEVELT: Thank you.
You mind me asking what happened?
LYLA: It was an accident.
ROOSEVELT: Work related?
LYLA: No.
NERO: Morning, gentlemen. How can I help you?
ROOSEVELT: Do you know a Ms. Erin Byrne?
NERO: Yeah, she, uh, she works here.
She's one of our escorts.
ROOSEVELT: All right, she was found d*ad last night.
Her body was dumped off of Highway 18.
NERO: Jesus Christ.
CANE: That's a warrant for your vehicle, Mr. Padilla.
We need to take it in.
ROOSEVELT: The caller who spotted the body said they saw a Ford pickup truck drive away from the scene.
NERO: He got one of these for me, too?
ROOSEVELT: Right now, we'd just like you to come down and answer a few questions.
LYLA: . Hey, I'll call Gemma. NERO: - No, you won't.
ROOSEVELT: I don't think they're open just yet.
LEE: That's okay. (engine starts)
I like to watch.
(car door opens)
(engine starts)
JAX: I got an early morning visit from a guy I never expected to see again.
AUGUST: Let's just say it wasn't Trager's time.
JAX: A loyalty test, maybe.
AUGUST: If it was, you passed.
JAX: And what happened with Clay?
AUGUST: I got him protection, but I can't control how that's earned.
Clay offed a peckerwood sh*t caller.
The guards didn't see him do it, but the skinheads did.
JAX: - Jesus Christ. AUGUST: - Yeah.
Our angry white friends are trying to rebound in San Joaquin.
This could blow back on the MC.
JAX: Okay.
I'll dig in.
You couldn't give this intel to Trager?
AUGUST: Your need to get out of g*n.
What happens to that business?
JAX: I haven't figured that out yet.
Irish want to keep the territory and the customers.
Running g*n doesn't sound much like a Pope Industries venture.
AUGUST (chuckles): No, no.
But it sounds like something Marks Incorporated might handle.
You hook me up with the Irish g*n distribution, I'll consider Trager's debt paid.
GEMMA: Wayne?
Wayne?
UNSER: Gemma!
(quietly): - Gemma... GEMMA: - Wayne?
What?
GEMMA: Oh, my God!
Wayne!
(Unser groaning)
GEMMA: Oh, my G... Wayne, here.
Come on. (Unser groaning)
Oh, my God.
You're okay.
It's gonna be okay.
Get Jax!
(Unser groans)
(Gemma panting)
GEMMA: It's okay.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ a perfect line ♪
♪ on the devil's bed ♪
♪ until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ in the eye ♪
HAPPY: In the garage, bro.
(indistinct talking in distance)
(grunts)
JAX: Holy shit.
CHIBS: Hey, clubhouse is clear.
All the action happened in here.
Your mom found him.
GEMMA: Found him hanging from the g*dd*mn lift.
JAX: - Are you okay? GEMMA: - Yeah.
(Unser clears throat)
JAX: Who was it?
UNSER: Three of them. White, ski masks.
assh*le did the cutting had these n*zi hooks tatted on his neck.
JAX: Did they say anything?
(engine revving)
UNSER: Yeah, there was some back and forth on how bad to carve me up.
(chuckles)
They didn't sound too organized.
CHIBS: Sam Dino.
JAX: We're gonna find who did this.
UNSER: And then what?
JAX: - Thank you. TARA: - Yeah.
(Tara sighs)
JAX: Put Phil and V-Lin on the g*n warehouse.
Hey, no one rides alone.
TIG: Yeah, done.
CHIBS: What brings you north?
PACKER: Oh, we got this family thing in Folsom tomorrow.
I thought I'd stop by and get a little face time with Mother.
CHIBS: - You might. PACKER: - What's going on?
JAX: Morning visit from the h*tler Youth.
Let's get everyone to the table.
CHIBS: Come on, boys.
You, too. Come on, son. JAX: - Hey.
PACKER: I thought you cleaned up that neo-n*zi problem a while back.
JAX: We did.
I hope you're here to talk about the Irish details.
PACKER: I am, but, uh, it's not the details you want.
Charter voted down the g*n deal.
It's too much heat right now.
I know you went out on a limb to get us that offer.
I wanted to tell you face-to-face.
JAX: That's a big problem for us.
PACKER: I get that. I'm sorry.
I pushed for it. Table said no.
JAX: Let me tell the club.
CHUCK: Excuse me, Jax.
Lyla's been trying to get ahold of you.
One of the Diosa girls was found d*ad this morning, dumped down 18.
Think it was a brunette. Cute smile.
Funny laugh.
I'm sorry.
TARA: You need a tetanus sh*t and some antibiotics.
Can you have somebody bring you by the hospital later this afternoon?
UNSER: Mmm.
GEMMA: I'll get one of the prospects.
(Tara sighs)
TARA: Look, I'm treating him privately.
And... by "privately,"
I mean "illegally."
I think it'd be better to have somebody bring him by not wearing a cut.
UNSER: - I'll get Chucky. GEMMA: - Yeah.
UNSER: - All right. GEMMA: - Okay.
UNSER: Yeah.
Hey... Gemma...
What if I had the boys this morning?
I mean, you bring 'em... drop 'em by here sometimes.
Early.
What if I had Abel o-or the baby when these assholes showed?
GEMMA: - But you didn't. UNSER: - This time.
I mean, these aren't crazy hypotheticals I'm spinning here.
There's kids in the mix now... GEMMA: - My kids!
My grandchildren.
V-LIN: Sorry, Gem.
Line one.
PHIL: V-Lin, let's go!
Come on.
GEMMA: Yeah.
WENDY: Hey, it's Wendy. You got a minute?
GEMMA: What?
WENDY: Well... Tara's lawyer reached out to me.
Um, she wants me to sign off on the guardianship.
I guess Tara's drawing up another will or something.
GEMMA: Shit.
When? WENDY: - I don't know.
But we need to talk. I have an hour at lunch.
GEMMA: My house.
WENDY: Okay. I'll see you then.
(hangs up)
(engines revving)
JAX: Black must've realized they can use Clay to their advantage.
Had him take out an Aryan sh*t caller for protection.
CHIBS: Shit.
And we get to deal with the payback while he's spooning Mandingo.
HAPPY: We're locked down till we know who.
YATES: Why would Marks give you the heads up?
JAX: We got business with Pope Industries.
They're just protecting their investment.
TIG: Do you think these n*zi had anything to do with that girl getting k*lled?
JAX: I don't know.
PACKER: If they were gonna k*ll anybody, they would've k*lled your guy.
CHIBS: Well, we gotta find out who "they" are.
JAX: Darby.
JUICE: He's been out for almost two years.
Married one of his Mexican workers.
JAX: That's exactly why he'll know.
You don't just turn your back on the brotherhood.
He's gonna be sleeping with one eye open.
CHIBS: Well, we got the Irish in town.
More of them KG-9's.
So we got to set up a meet with them.
JAX: I was hoping our SoCal brothers could help us with that.
Maybe take a little of the Irish trade.
PACKER: Sorry, boys.
Charter voted it down.
YATES: We're here to show respect for the offer.
JAX: We'll deal with the Irish after Darby.
CHIBS: Can I have a minute, Pres?
Saw the little private chat that you had with Gaalan.
Is that what this is about?
Handing the g*n off to Sam Dino?
JAX: Irish are never gonna let us walk away unless we give the cause another pipeline.
CHIBS: You're making decisions... big decisions... without bringing 'em here.
That's not how this works.
(Jax chuckles)
JAX: "How this works"?
Look at this g*dd*mn charter, Chibs.
We have become the whipping boy for the IRA and the cartel.
We've dwindled to six guys, while RICO and this psycho marshal circles us, just waiting for us to make the next bad move.
Brother, nothing here works.
I'm trying to change that.
I'm trying to give us a future.
And yes, if that means stepping outside the lines, or making a couple calls on the fly, then that is exactly what I am gonna do.
CHIBS: Wow.
You know who you sound like?
The guy who used to sit in that seat.
JAX: Everything I do in this club is for this club.
I'm not Clay.
I never will be.
(door opens, shuts)
(knocking on door, door opens)
LEE: Did I mention Nero Padilla was tough on his girls?
Erin Byrne, one of his escorts.
I chatted her up at Diosa. She seemed willing to talk.
Someone wanted her quiet.
PATTERSON: When?
LEE: k*ll happened in the morning, body was dumped last night outside Charming.
PATTERSON: - Eli Roosevelt's turf. LEE: - Yeah.
But there may be some question as to who he's actually protecting and serving.
PATTERSON: Well, I'll deal with my sheriff. You get to Stockton.
Get Morrow to sign that affidavit.
LEE: He's a little reluctant to sign your version.
Page count alone's making him sweat.
PATTERSON: You told me you had him agreeable.
LEE: What I told you was that you gotta turn a guy like Clay a notch at a time.
Your commitment spooked him.
PATTERSON: Then unspook him.
State's Agreement, signed, end of day... or that badge turns into a paperweight.
NERO: I was, uh, with Gemma.
We made an early Mass. St. Philips.
Was with her all last night.
Hey, I had nothing to do with Erin's death.
ROOSEVELT: Do you have any idea who might?
You know, say, a jealous boyfriend, uh, violent clients?
NERO: I really don't know.
Um... She was sweet.
Kind of quiet, actually.
ROOSEVELT: Well, there were no clients on the books the night before she was k*lled, so... Did she have any regulars?
NERO: These girls are free to take outside work.
ROOSEVELT: Okay.
Look, I'm trying to give you a chance, here, man.
You come clean with me now... that goes a long way if we find something in your truck.
NERO: Sheriff, I was a junkie thug pimp for a lot of years.
Okay? I served my time.
What I do now... it's about giving these girls a better, safer place to do the thing that they're gonna do anyhow.
ROOSEVELT: Don't kid yourself.
There's no dignity in what you do.
Call it what you want, but you make money off of the low self-esteem of broken women.
NERO: I guess we all kid ourselves about the service we provide.
ROOSEVELT: Why don't you hang around and wait for CSU to get done with your truck? Hmm?
Carreira, why don't we make Mr. Padilla, here, comfortable?
Now, we don't have a goddess bar with beer and wine, but the coffee's not terrible.
NERO: Say, uh... you working with a marshal?
ROOSEVELT: What marshal?
NERO: Day before yesterday, some marshal came into Diosa, started talking with my girls. Erin, too.
Left a card.
ROOSEVELT: - Toric? NERO: - Toric, yeah.
ROOSEVELT: - And why was he in Diosa? NERO: - I don't know.
But, uh, yesterday, he roughed up a couple of my homeboys, asking questions about me and my crew.
ROOSEVELT: What kind of questions?
NERO: The ones where the wrong answers gets your teeth smashed in.
ROOSEVELT: No.
He's not working on this investigation.
NERO: Mmm. Maybe somebody should tell him that.
GEMMA: Anything else from Lowen?
WENDY: Just messages. From Tara.
But that's what I need to talk to you about.
She found out I came to you for help.
GEMMA: Well, what'd she say?
WENDY: Something has happened with her, Gemma.
I don't know if it's the hand, or having gotten arrested, but it...
I know she's been through some awful shit, but she scares me.
GEMMA: Scares you how?
WENDY: I don't know, like... like she's completely... disconnected.
And she's so hell-bent on getting those boys out of Charming that she's not even thinking about how bad it could hurt them.
I'm worried.
GEMMA: Mm-mm.
Those boys aren't going anywhere.
WENDY: I hope not.
You better be careful, because she knows you're her biggest obstacle.
GEMMA: Mm-hmm.
(knocking on door)
LYLA: - Hey. GEMMA: - Hey.
LYLA: Oh, uh, sorry.
Chucky told me you were here.
GEMMA: No, no. It's all right.
(Lyla sighs)
LYLA: Nero didn't want me saying anything.
GEMMA: - About what? LYLA: - Sheriffs picked him up.
They think he had something to do with Erin's m*rder.
He's been there all morning.
GEMMA: Oh, shit.
d*ad hooker.
WENDY: Hate that.
GEMMA: I'll be right there. Thanks.
(motorcycles approaching)
DARBY: You gotta be sh1tting me.
REINA: - Who are they, Ernesto? DARBY: - It's okay.
JAX: Hi.
How's business? DARBY: - Slow.
What do you want?
JAX: Just some information.
DARBY: You need six guys for that?
JAX: Clay is in Stockton.
He offed an Aryan sh*t caller to earn protection.
MC caught the blowback.
We need to know who we should be looking for.
DARBY: It's not my life no more, man.
I'm married. I'm doing the Jesus thing. I can't help you.
JAX: Come on, Darby.
You don't just marry the help and turn in your brown shirt.
TIG: No, there's a reason you're sanding tables with a piece in your pants.
Come on.
JAX: Who's she so afraid of?
DARBY: One of my old crew, Eddie Gerber.
Finished up a dime in Chino a couple months back.
I hear he's recruiting for the brotherhood, trying to reestablish a street game here in Sanwa.
CHIBS: - He thr*at you? DARBY: - Not yet.
HAPPY: Where do we find him?
DARBY: He's got six acres on the edge of Oswald's land.
It's off the grid.
CHIBS: - Hangout or headquarters? DARBY: - I'm not sure.
Eddie was always more talk than walk.
HAPPY: We should do some reconnaissance.
TIG: Yeah, man, I mean, this Gerber guy doesn't know who we are.
We just roll up, we act like we're interested in the cause.
Suss out who, how many?
CHIBS: Jax, we got the Irish.
(Jax laughs)
JAX: You and Rat, tell them you're father and son. They love that shit.
TIG: Wait, wait, what? Really? Really me? Come on. You think I look old enough to be his old man?
JUICE: If you washed that black shoe polish out of your hair.
TIG: That coming from a guy who's had a faux-hawk since the ninth grade?
RAT BOY: Come on, Dad. We can do this.
TIG: My old man used to r*pe me. I'm just saying.
JAX: Okay.
JUICE: Now it all makes sense.
JAX: Do you think you could find Gerber's place?
DARBY: Probably. But I ain't.
JAX: Just take us to the entrance.
DARBY: What, are you crazy? Come on, they see me or know that I'm helping you...
JAX: The enemy of my enemy...
DARBY: Is gonna get me k*lled.
JAX: They're not gonna know you're involved. We settle our score, slow down recruitment. Let you and the missus sleep a little sounder.
CHIBS: Or we use you for bait.
DARBY: Shit, this is gonna end up bad.
TIG: Okay.
JAX: Hey... You play it safe. If it looks dicey, you get the hell out.
TIG: Got it.
JAX: Go with them. Watch their back. We'll meet you here after the Irish.
TIG: All right.
DARBY: Take this dirt road. Gerber's place should be about three or four miles in. See wagon wheels and a metal gate.
TIG: All right. Not gonna be long, Juice.
(bird squawks)
(cows bellowing)
(country music plays quietly)
TIG: Oh, yeah. This looks like the place, boy.
MAN: What the hell do you want?
TIG: Sorry, bud. Um, I didn't see no bell or nothing at the gate.
GERBER: Who are you?
TIG: My name's Al Whiteman. Uh, this is my boy George.
RAT BOY: Really, white man?
TIG: Shut up. I'm looking for Eddie Gerber.
I hear he's looking for some like-minded folk.
BEATIE: Hmm, who told you that?
RAT BOY: Some friends in Stockton State. I just got out.
TIG: - Proud of you, boy. RAT BOY: - Yeah.
TIG: Proud of you.
We've been told you guys are looking for some new members.
We'd just like to talk. Maybe look at your operation.
GERBER: But why would we want to talk with you?
TIG: Well, about a month ago, I watched a bunch of n*gg*r*s burn my daughter alive.
And I can still smell her flesh.
RAT BOY: We earn big and hate deep.
GERBER: - All right. Let's talk. TIG: - All right, good.
(tires screech)
(Juice grunts)
PLOW: Look who we found strolling along the main road.
A race traitor and his spic boyfriend.
RAT BOY: - I'll blow his shit out! PLOW: - Son of a bitch.
TIG: He means brains. He's a little excited right now.
RAT BOY: Yeah, so put down the g*n. Now!
GERBER: Do it.
RAT BOY: Come on.
TIG: Boyfriend... you're driving.
I got him, get in the back.
(bangs on roof)
GERBER: Count your days, traitor.
It's just a matter of time before we come back for you and that w*tback whore.
(Gerber grunts)
DARBY: - Thanks. TIG: - Yeah.
Sorry, about that, buddy. Bye-bye.
GAALAN: - Where's your truck? JAX: - There ain't one coming.
We can't take any more KG-9's, Gaalan.
I already told you that. We got too much heat.
CONNOR: You don't have to take them. Just pay for them.
CHIBS: That ain't happening either.
(Gaalan sighs)
JAX: Look, we get pinched with those g*n, we're d*ad.
And then you got nothing.
GAALAN: Have your SoCal charter take the KG-9's.
We can fold them into their next shipment.
JAX: San Bernardino voted down the g*n.
GAALAN: That's unfortunate.
The Kings are all set on the idea of doubling their business here.
Looks like that burden falls on you now.
You're not getting out of g*n, son.
The cause needs you.
Greater good.
(Jax scoffs)
JAX: You know why my old man wanted out?
(Gaalan snickers)
GAALAN: Don't know.
Don't care.
Lifetime ago.
JAX: Yeah, it was.
But nothing's changed.
JT realized there's nothing more dangerous than a gangster who thinks he's got God in his pocket.
(Gaalan scoffs)
JAX: The cause may have been the greater good at one point, but for guys like you... Jimmy O... it's just k*lling people with Catholic b*ll*ts to line your own pockets.
(all clamoring)
JAX: No!
(Gaalan groans, laughs)
We are done with this game.
I will let you know if and when we need more g*n.
Until then, hands off my club.
GAALAN: Aye. Hands off.
CHIBS: You just ripped off a very old scab, Jackie.
NERO: - Did he call you here? GEMMA: - No.
But why didn't you?
Hey!
What kind of bullshit is this?
NERO: That's why.
GEMMA: He has been with me every night.
ROOSEVELT: So I hear.
GEMMA: He had nothing to do with that m*rder.
ROOSEVELT: You know, this is the second guy in the past two weeks depending on you for an alibi.
GEMMA: This one's not a k*ller.
CANE: LT, need a minute.
ROOSEVELT: Give your statement to Sheriff Carreira.
GEMMA: Eli.
Nero is a good guy.
He would never hurt a woman.
CANE: Found clothing fragments, hair and blood.
They're running the DNA now.
ROOSEVELT: Smeared on the seat, the floor, the door panel.
Jesus. CANE: - Yeah.
ROOSEVELT: Does he look like a guy that knows that his truck was covered in incriminating evidence?
CANE: - Well, he's an OG, right? ROOSEVELT: - Mm-hmm.
CANE: Maybe he thinks he cleaned up enough.
ROOSEVELT: This wasn't a vehicle that was cleaned up.
This was evidence that was meant to be found.
CANE: What do you mean?
ROOSEVELT: Call Moore's office and tell him that I need the file of a retired Marshal Lee Toric.
Everything that he's got. CANE: - Yeah.
All right.
(lock buzzes)
CLAY: Do you have any idea how much I've missed you?
(Lee laughs)
LEE: First Jax frames you... then I'm assuming... he's the one that made some kind of deal to keep you alive.
You obviously had to earn that.
Was the stay of execution because you didn't rat?
Was it some kind of reward?
Hmm? A last minute remorse reprieve?
Because we both know it's just a matter of time before black-- and now white-- slits your throat.
I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but I am the the only friend you have left, Clay.
CLAY: Well, then just k*ll me now.
(Clay grunts)
LEE: Every day you refuse to sign that affidavit, you're gonna wish you were d*ad.
(Clay grunts)
CLAY: I've known guys like you my whole life.
You don't hate me 'cause I'm bad, you hate me 'cause I'm familiar.
LEE: Guilty.
Looks like your arthritis is flaring up.
We gotta get you to the infirmary.
You know, there's someone there I want you to see.
I'll make an appointment.
(lock clicks)
(Clay grunts)
(Clay breathes heavily)
JAX: What happened?
TIG: Some of their crew spotted Juice and Darby after we got on the inside.
JAX: g*dd*mn, Juice.
JUICE: We got out whole, but he...
DARBY: But now they're coming after me and Reina.
JAX: I'm sorry, man.
Bring her to TM, we'll keep you safe.
DARBY: No, this is on me. It's my wreckage.
It's just a matter of time before this went down. I gotta handle it.
CHIBS: How big was this crew?
RAT BOY: We only saw five guys.
JUICE: Yeah, the guys that took us had the n*zi hooks, but didn't look like an organized effort.
(phone rings)
JAX: What?
PHIL: Jax, Irish are here saying they got a delivery.
JAX: They're at the warehouse?
PHIL: Yeah. I thought we only took deliveries at Wahewa.
JAX: - Tell them to wait. PHIL: - Okay.
JAX: We're on our way.
Hey, Chibs... the Irish showed up at Oswald's with the g*n.
CHIBS: Shit.
JAX: Now wait here.
Rat'll stick around.
Look, we'll handle Gerber.
It's our wreckage, too.
DARBY: Yeah, okay.
JAX: All right, man.
Come on. Let's go.
V-LIN: What did Jax say?
PHIL: Wants 'em to wait.
Jax says he's on his way.
(Gaalan spits)
GAALAN: Get the saw.
CHIBS: Phil!
V-Lin!
(flies buzzing)
(Roosevelt sighs)
ROOSEVELT: We're done here for now.
But I'm gonna need to keep your truck for a little while longer.
NERO: Something I should know?
ROOSEVELT: Just stay available.
Tell Jax that I need to talk with him.
GEMMA: He's a big boy. He doesn't listen to his mommy anymore.
ROOSEVELT: I find that hard to believe.
CANE: - LT.
ROOSEVELT: Gotta wait for the DNA to come back.
CANE: But you had more than enough to hold him.
ROOSEVELT: Yeah, I know.
CHIBS: All their g*n are are gone except the KG-9's.
They left both cases.
JAX: Call Belfast, let them know.
Lock it all down. UK charters, too.
TIG: Juice and Happy are putting them in the big crates.
JAX: You be able to find Gerber's place again?
TIG: Yeah, think so.
CHIBS: Why? What's the plan, Jackie?
JAX: We're gonna finish our n*zi hunt.
CHIBS: I think this club needs a breather.
JAX: We got two crates filled with hacked-up members.
What this club needs is to settle a score.
Why don't you take a vote?
I'll proxy Phil.
He says yes.
(music plays on radio)
GEMMA: You still mad I came down?
Roosevelt knows you had nothing to do with that.
Gotta put some distance here, Gemma.
GEMMA: From what?
NERO: Two months into my connection with SAMCRO and I'm already neck-deep in shit that I spent ten years trying to get away from.
GEMMA: You're the one that put those OG colors back on.
Club didn't force that shit.
NERO: I know. It's on me.
My choice.
Byzlats... (chuckles)
We've run two blocks for 25 years... we never been associated with another crew.
I'm not looking to take on that kind of weight.
GEMMA: Am I part of that... that weight you don't want to take on?
NERO: No, mama.
You're the thing that I do want here.
Listen to what I'm trying to say.
Look, I-I hope it doesn't come to this, but-but if I had to, if I have to cut ties, I would want you with me.
This is, this is good for me.
This is good for us.
I love you, Gemma.
GEMMA: I love you, too.
CLAY: Jesus Christ.
LEE: The side you can't see looks worse.
A glimpse into your future.
CLAY: Can I get a minute with him?
LEE: He ain't gonna say much.
(Otto grunts)
(Clay sighs)
CLAY: I'm sorry.
(Otto sniffles)
(Otto sobs softly)
No more, brother.
Get me the hell out of here.
JUICE: - Yeah, hold on. HAPPY: - I got it.
CHIBS: The charters have been alerted.
Tacoma are on their way down to help.
JAX: All right.
Hi.
How are the girls doing?
NERO: They're shaken up.
No outcalls for a while.
JAX: The sheriffs know anything?
NERO: No, not yet.
JAX: - You doing okay?
NERO: Yeah. Guess so.
It's all starting to sink in.
Everything okay here? JAX: - Yeah.
It's routine shit, you know?
NERO: I'm gonna go back.
See you later.
Hey.
GEMMA: Where are the boys?
JAX: St. Thomas with Tara.
GEMMA: Maybe I'll give Unser a lift, see if she wants me to watch them.
JAX: That'll be good.
I think it's gonna be a late one for me.
GEMMA: What's really going on?
JAX: The Irish. We're on lockdown.
We lost Phil and V-Lin.
GEMMA: Oh, God.
CHIBS: - Handle it here? GEMMA: - Yeah.
(lock buzzes)
LEE: I was hoping you had some time to...
(sniffs) reconsider your options.
CLAY: Do you really think seeing how you destroyed one of my brothers is gonna scare me into your corner?
LEE: It should.
Otto made sure his RICO testimony was useless.
That doesn't mean he can't give state's evidence in other cases.
Like, say, one against you.
He's ratted once.
The condition he's in...
Sign this right now, and my deal is still on the table.
I'll help you b*at this m*rder rap.
Get you set up in WitSec.
Last chance.
CLAY: Otto ain't gonna rat again.
(Lee clears throat)
LEE: Tomorrow morning, the gentlemen who have been visiting Otto are gonna be stopping by to see you, too.
I suggest you get some sleep.
May be the last time you ever lay down comfortably.
(Lee snickers)
(Lowen sighs)
LOWEN: These go back before you were married.
WENDY: Yeah.
I was a Crow Eater for almost a year before Jax and I started hooking up.
That's all I could remember.
LOWEN: And you would be willing to testify about the v*olence?
WENDY: I guess.
Yes. Yes.
(baby crying)
MARGARET: Oh, sweetheart.
TARA: Did you talk to Gemma?
WENDY: Yeah, I told her everything you wanted me to.
She wants me to keep feeding her your dirt.
(knocking on door)
UNSER: Oh.
Uh, sorry. I heard the baby.
I-I thought it was just you in here, Doc.
TARA: Shit.
UNSER: - Oh, I, uh, I'm sorry. TARA: - No, that's okay.
Look, I know you're...
Hi.
GEMMA: Here.
TARA: I didn't know you were coming by.
UNSER: Yeah, she's my ride.
GEMMA: I was gonna see if you wanted me to watch the boys.
Is Abel in here?
UNSER: No, he's, uh, down in day care.
TARA: Yeah, I was just about to go get him.
GEMMA: Everything okay?
TARA: Yeah, you know, I'm just treating him on the QT.
GEMMA: Oh, right, right.
Yeah, we really appreciate that.
Hey, how about if I take the boys home and you help Wayne?
TARA: - That would be great. GEMMA: - Okay.
TARA: - Thank you. GEMMA: - Here, take that.
TARA: Go with Grandma.
GEMMA: There you go. Oh, here we go.
(sighs)
You'll give him a ride back to TM?
TARA: - Of course. GEMMA: - All right.
Mm-hmm.
TARA: - Thank you, Wayne. UNSER: - Yeah.
Um, I'll just wait out here till you're done.
TARA: Okay.
UNSER: And Doc... at some point, I'm gonna ask a few questions.
TARA: I know.
(door shuts)
UNSER (groans): Shit.
(g*n clicks)
(g*n clicks)
(g*n clicking)
JAX: Let's do this.
(engines start)
(engines roaring)
(engines shut off)
(a*t*matic g*n)
(shouting, groaning)
JAX: Wipe down the g*n.
Make it look like an internal beef.
Stash the KG-9s in the house.
Then burn it all down.
LEE: Can I have a minute with him?
Please?
I know how much pain I've caused you.
Do you want it to stop?
OTTO: Mm-hmm.
LEE: Me, too.
I'm glad you got to see Clay.
(Otto grunts softly)
He's betrayed the club.
That's why he's here.
I'm sure you know more about that than I do.
Clay's not a member.
You wouldn't be ratting out the MC.
Just give me something.
Give me something I can use against him.
And I will make the time you have left here... very comfortable.
OTTO (muffled): Right hand.
Mm.
(keys jangle)
LEE: Otto.
OTTO: Mm...?
LEE: It's okay.
(Otto grunting softly)
(Otto grunts softly)
LEE: That's good. That's real good.
OTTO: Mm-hmm.
LEE: You animal.
(Lee shouts, grunting)
(Lee shouts)
(Otto grunting)
(Lee screams)
(Lee shouting)
(Otto moaning)
(Otto panting)
(Otto mumbles)
LEE: Get out! Get out!
(alarm ringing)
GUARD: We need help in the infirmary!
LEE: Wow.
I didn't even see that coming.
(Chibs clears throat)
CHIBS: Talked to Belfast.
They're up to speed.
Now we'll just try to find some known IRA addresses here in North Cal.
TIG: We're off to Oswald's now.
CHIBS: Yeah.
♪ ♪
GUARD 2: Drop the Kn*fe!
(g*n)
♪ ♪
(camera shutter clicking)
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
JAX: Bury 'em. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "06x04 - Wolfsangel"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
ROOSEVELT: Do you know a Miss Erin Byrne?
NERO: Yeah. She works here. She's one of our, uh, escorts.
ROOSEVELT: She was found d*ad last night.
CANE: That's a warrant for your vehicle, Mr. Padilla.
ROOSEVELT: The caller who spotted the body said they saw a Ford pickup truck drive away from the scene.
CANE: Found clothing fragments, hair and blood. They're running the DNA now.
LEE: Did I mention Nero Padilla was tough on his girls? k*ll happened in the morning. Body was dumped last night outside Charming.
PATTERSON: Eli Roosevelt's turf.
LEE: Yeah, but there may be some question as to who he's actually protecting.
PATTERSON: I'll deal with my sheriff. You get to Stockton, get Morrow to sign that affidavit.
LEE: And my deal is still on the table.
CLAY: Do you really think seeing how you destroyed one of my brothers is gonna scare me?
LEE: It should.
CLAY: No more, brother.
(Lee grunts)
AUGUST: You need to get out of g*n.
JAX: Running g*n doesn't sound much like a Pope Industries venture.
AUGUST: But it sounds like something Marks, Incorporated might handle.
You hook me up with the Irish g*n distribution, I'll consider Trager's debt paid.
LOWEN: These go back before you were married?
WENDY: Yeah.
LOWEN: And you would be willing to testify about the v*olence?
WENDY: Yes.
TARA: Did you talk to Gemma?
WENDY: Yeah. Told her everything you wanted me to.
She wants me to keep feeding her your dirt.
UNSER: Oh, uh, sorry.
JAX: We can't take any more KG-9's, Gaalan. I already told you that.
CONNOR: You don't have to take them.
Just pay for them.
GAALAN: You're not getting out of g*n, son.
(muttering)
JAX: I will let you know if and when we need more g*n.
Until then, hands off my club.
GAALAN: Aye. Hands off.
(door creaking) (gate clicks shut)
(buzzer sounds)
(gate clicks shut)
(buzzer sounds)
*
(phone buzzes) JAX: Yup.
TIG: Place is closed.
No Gaalan, no Connor.
Anything there?
JAX: Nothing.
TIG: You think SamBel got us good intel?
JAX: Right now, it's all we got. Stick with it.
TIG: Yeah. I'll check in with Chibs.
JAX: All right.
HAPPY: Get some sleep, boss.
JAX: I'm good.
(birds singing)
GEMMA: Okay. You good?
Yeah.
GEMMA: You all right?
Mm-hmm.
GEMMA: How we doing on food?
CHUCK: We have enough to get us through tomorrow.
We need beer and soda.
GEMMA: Hey, Nubs?
Otto loved you.
You wouldn't be here if he didn't.
CHUCK: He saved my life inside.
GEMMA: Remember that.
More coffee.
JAX: We got something.
I'm gonna get you close.
HAPPY: Okay.
Cut the engine. Hands on the wheel.
Get out of the car!
JAX: What's your partner doing inside?
HUGH: He's taking a shit.
Why don't you go on and wipe his ass?
(grunting)
JAX: All right, get his friend's attention.
(horn honking)
(grunting)
Come here. Come here!
(panting) (grunting)
(grunts)
JAX: Don't move.
Where we going?
(man sighs)
Taking a little trip?
(guttural gasping)
(whistles)
This looks a little above your pay grade.
This Gaalan's shit?
NEIL: I don't know.
JAX: Get up! Now!
(Neil groans)
Look, I know you're just doing your job, but we don't need to make this any bloodier than it needs to be. (sighs)
Just tell me where Gaalan and Connor are.
NEIL: I got no idea.
JAX: Really?
(screaming) (muffled screaming)
Any ideas coming to you?
(yelling)
(loud, muffled yelling)
How about now?
(indistinct, muffled speech)
(cries)
What did you say?
NEIL: It's Connor's bag.
We're picking him up.
JAX: And where's Gaalan?
NEIL: He's gone. He left yesterday.
(Neil pants loudly)
JAX: Where are you picking up Connor?
NEIL: We've got a beverage warehouse in Lodi.
(loud panting)
JAX: You write down the address.
I hope you're not a lefty.
(loud panting)
* Riding through this world *
* All alone *
* God takes your soul *
* You're on your own *
* The crow flies straight *
* A perfect line *
* On the devil's bed *
* Until you die *
* Gotta look this life *
* In the eye. *
JAX: He said they're picking up Connor at a beverage supply house in Lodi, 2:00.
Gaalan split, they don't know where.
TIG: You believe him?
JAX: I don't know.
We show up in their SUV, try to lure Connor out.
CHIBS: Yeah, I'll contact Belfast, see if they know where their supply house is.
JAX: All right, I got to go deal with this Diosa shit in Stockton.
Pick me up at Colette's at 1:00?
CHIBS: Done.
TIG: All right.
JAX: Bring the Irish Suburban and the van.
JUICE: Who's with Tara today?
JAX: Oh. Shit.
Get one of the Tacoma guys to come watch them. Rat?
You're with me.
(indistinct chatter)
PATTERSON: Lieutenant Roosevelt?
San Joaquin District Attorney Thyne Patterson.
ROOSEVELT: Yes, ma'am. I know.
How can I help you?
PATTERSON: Any progress on the m*rder of Erin Byrne?
ROOSEVELT: Uh, some leads, nothing solid.
Does it mean something to you?
PATTERSON: Yes, it does.
Is there somewhere we can talk?
ROOSEVELT: Yes, of course. This way.
PATTERSON: How did your interview go with Nero Padilla?
ROOSEVELT: Oh, well, uh, his alibi checked out, so I released him.
We did find blood and fibers in his truck.
We're waiting on lab results.
PATTERSON: Well, that feels pretty solid to me.
ROOSEVELT: I should have the lab results back today.
PATTERSON: What about the f*re up at Gerber's ranch?
CSU reports listed cases of KG-9's.
ROOSEVELT: Ah.
This is about Padilla and the Sons.
PATTERSON: My special investigator believed Miss Byrne could tie the Byz-lats and the Sons of Anarchy to the g*n that was used in the Count of Aquino sh**ting.
ROOSEVELT: You know, Lee Toric was k*lled by Otto Delaney two days ago in Stockton.
You think it was a h*t?
PATTERSON: If it was, Delaney won't be able to tell us.
But I am hoping that Tara Knowles might be able to shed some light.
She's being prosecuted by my office for her part in the m*rder of Toric's sister.
ROOSEVELT: I know.
I brought her in.
PATTERSON: We need to find a bad guy, Lieutenant.
Someone, some crew, has got to take the blame for the m*rder of these four children.
ROOSEVELT: Yes, ma'am.
But Tara Knowles isn't the bad guy.
PATTERSON: In my book, she's bad until she does something good.
ROOSEVELT: What do you need from me?
PATTERSON: You put in time on the task force during the Sons RICO investigation?
ROOSEVELT: Yeah, some.
I was more like the errand boy.
PATTERSON: Well, your first errand for me will be to dig into Padilla.
Friends, enemies.
ROOSEVELT: Use him to find a way into the MC.
PATTERSON: Yes.
And I'll get to know Dr. Knowles.
Maybe motivate her to do a good deed.
(door opens)
(door closes)
♪
NERO: How long does this, uh, lockdown last?
GEMMA: Oh, I'm not sure.
Jax is into it with the Irish.
NERO: Can't be good for business.
GEMMA: We just tell 'em we're remodeling.
Where's everyone else?
JAX: On the job.
GEMMA: And alive?
JAX: I'm not starting a w*r, Mom.
GEMMA: No more bodies, Jackson. Please.
(indistinct, distant chatter)
JAX: You ready?
NERO: Yep.
(Jax sighs) JAX: Sorry. Just give me a minute.
Hey.
TARA: Hi.
JAX: You sleep?
TARA: Not much.
JAX: The boys okay?
TARA: I guess.
I got to get out of here, Jax.
She scares me.
JAX: What happened?
TARA: Nothing... yet.
But she still thinks I'm trying to take the boys away from her.
She doesn't trust me.
Vibes me.
Don't... don't say anything.
It's just too much anxiety in my first trimester.
JAX: What do you want me to do?
TARA: I don't know.
I asked Margaret if I could use my old office.
I'm gonna go and talk to Lowen.
JAX: Okay. I'll send Rat with you.
If you need anything, just let him know.
I don't want you alone.
TARA: All right.
NERO: I'm gonna see...
JAX: Where's my 40, homes?
NERO: Uh, just get in the car, scooter boy.
Later.
(engine starts, car radio plays)
GEMMA: Need anything, sweetheart?
TARA: No, I'm good. Thank you.
NERO: You guys have been doing a lot of... remodeling.
So where you at with the Irish?
JAX: Thought you didn't want to know about my other business.
NERO: You're kidding me, right?
You gave my guy a g*n, and his old lady's kid used it to wipe out a whole classroom.
JAX: You putting that on me?
NERO: I'm putting it on both of us.
I'm part of your other business right now.
Whether I want it or not.
JAX: Look, Diosa is my priority.
This partnership, this is the thing that is gonna end the v*olence.
NERO: k*lling your guys... that's the Irish pissed about you moving off g*n?
JAX: Yeah.
(Nero scoffs)
And it might get worse before it gets better.
NERO: You think they had anything to do with our girl getting k*lled?
JAX: No. No, if they wanted to k*ll someone close, it would've been family.
NERO: That's comforting.
JAX: Look, I know it's messy right now, but I promise I am gonna make this work.
You don't have to believe me.
Just don't bail on me.
Let me prove it.
NERO: I'm just looking for a little disclosure, ese.
You know, um, you don't have to give me no details.
Just tell me when to duck.
JAX: All right. Fair enough. I'll let you know.
Plus, I'm letting you tap my mom.
That's got to be worth something.
NERO: Ouch.
I'm... I'm gonna pretend I didn't even hear that.
(engine shuts off)
COLETTE: Uh, excuse me.
I'll show you around.
NERO: How's the inspection going?
COLETTE: It's okay, I think.
Can't really get a read on the guy.
JAX: What'd you tell him about all the bedrooms?
NERO: Hey, her name's on the lease.
She lives here, works here.
COLETTE: I have a big family.
Come on. Inspector Orlo's got to meet the partners.
BAROSKY: Something I can help you with?
ROOSEVELT: I don't think so.
BAROSKY: What station you out of, Sheriff?
ROOSEVELT: Well, that's not your concern.
BAROSKY: Charlie Barosky. Stockton PD, detective first class, retired.
ROOSEVELT: That was mandatory retirement, wasn't it, Charlie?
Either that or prosecution.
BAROSKY: Tomato, tomahto.
Why you watching the house?
ROOSEVELT: Well, I'm not at liberty to discuss the case.
BAROSKY: That hush-hush, huh?
ROOSEVELT: Mm-hmm.
BAROSKY: Well, tell you what,
I'll call a few friends, get 'em down here to help.
You won't mind telling Captain Ensor why you're staking out his jurisdiction.
ROOSEVELT: Hmm.
You know, I've seen all I need.
JAX: Excuse me. Be right back.
BAROSKY: Either one of you know a thick black sheriff?
JAX: Yeah. Why?
BAROSKY: He was sitting outside watching this house.
NERO: What? Here?
BAROSKY: Yep.
I just shooed him away.
You want to tell me why?
JAX: Come on.
That girl that got k*lled, dumped outside Charming, she was one of ours.
NERO: And my pre-Chino résumé made me their first stop.
BAROSKY: If they got a tail on you, you may be their last stop as well.
JAX: No, man, this sheriff's just flexing. He ain't a real thr*at.
BAROSKY: He's on your payroll?
JAX: No, but we have an understanding.
BAROSKY: You got shit unless he's counting your cash.
NERO: It's my problem.
BAROSKY: You see where you're standing.
Now it's my problem, too.
I maintain a very delicate balance in this neighborhood.
I fund particular parties.
Keep crime and profiles low.
NERO: I know, I know. I... I got it.
JAX: Shit, I got to go.
Look, I hear what you're saying.
But right now, I got my own balances to maintain.
NERO: Why don't you and Colette stop by Diosa this afternoon.
We'll show you the whole operation.
Put your mind at ease.
JAX: Yeah, that's a good idea.
All right.
Thanks.
BAROSKY: Hope you know what you're doing, ese.
(engine starts) (car departs)
UNSER: Oh, whoa, watch it. (chuckles)
Oh! Ow. Ow. Wait. Ho, ho, ho. Oh.
TARA: Hey, you shouldn't be exerting yourself.
UNSER: Uh... (chuckles)
I get a little carried away with this one.
TARA: Sit down.
UNSER: Oh, no, I'm okay.
TARA: Sit.
Come on.
UNSER: Aw...
(grunts)
TARA: Let me just take a look.
(Unser grunts)
TARA: Sorry.
Well, doesn't look like you pulled the stitches.
UNSER: Thanks.
TARA: It's good.
UNSER: That, uh... little coven I walked in on the other day.
Not sure what was going on, but, uh...
I got the impression it was all very hush-hush.
Pretty, uh, obvious you didn't want the queen to be privy.
Exit strategy?
TARA: It's best you don't know, Wayne.
UNSER: Do you need my help?
TARA: If I said yes?
UNSER: Then I'd say I'm gonna need to know all the facts.
The cop in me.
It's an offer.
Think it over.
(grunts) Hey there, buddy.
(chuckles) Let's get going again.
All right, easy this time.
TIG: Juice, we're in position.
We got two out front.
JUICE: Back is quiet.
TIG: Okay. Stay put. All right.
JAX: Here we go.
CONNOR: No, there's nothing much.
Hugh and Neil just got here.
Aye, I'm on my way now.
CHIBS: What do you think?
Should we go in?
JAX: No, wait here.
Let him come to us.
CONNOR: I'm on it. Don't worry about it.
SAMCRO!
CHIBS: Shit.
(tires screech)
CONNOR: SAMCRO!
(tires screech) (g*n)
JAX: Get Connor!
Hey! We need him alive!
(tires screech)
(tires screech)
CONNOR: Christ!
JUICE: Jax said alive!
(shouts)
HAPPY: Hey, he's around that corner.
(Connor shouts) (glass shattering)
TIG: Let's get him.
CHIBS: Nice driving!
JAX: Thank you.
(Connor grunting loudly)
TIG: Get up, get up.
(Connor coughing)
CHIBS: Jesus, another fine Irishman brought down by the bottle.
TIG: Jax. Jax.
Found our g*n, man.
There are AKs and Glocks stored in a storage room back there.
JAX: Okay. Put him with the g*n.
CHIBS: Guy that got away, you know he's reached out to Gaalan by now.
JAX: I know.
Let's bring him to the Wahewa.
Get him to connect us to the Kings.
TIG: g*n, too?
JAX: No, leave 'em.
A peace offering.
CHIBS: With a d*ad body on top?
JAX: They still come out ahead.
CHIBS: Aye.
JAX: All right, you and Juicy head to TM.
We need bodies.
TIG: All right, I'm gonna reach out to Bobby, man.
Tell him we need Jury's crew.
JAX: No.
See if San Bernardino is still in town.
If not, get Rogue River.
TIG: Yeah.
Okay.
(indistinct chatter)
ELIAS (Irish accent): Need anything, Tyson?
TYSON: Not today.
ELIAS: How 'bout you, friend?
CLAY: Yeah, maybe.
ELIAS: I think you'll like this one.
Gets real good around page 47.
CLAY: Okay.
Thanks.
JAX: Find his phone.
Take off the gag.
CHIBS: Come on, Con.
(Connor coughing)
JAX: How do I call the Kings?
CONNOR: I'm... pretty sure the number's not listed.
JAX: Stop it. Stop.
CHIBS: Enough.
JAX: Hey, look at me.
Me reaching out is about making peace.
I have every intention of putting you on a flight back to Belfast.
Letting you give that little bracelet to whoever's supposed to get it.
CHIBS: Come on, Con.
No more blood.
JAX: Come on, Connor.
CONNOR: In my texts.
From Dungloe Imports.
There's burner numbers there.
(beeping)
JAX: I'm gonna make sure this is real.
Try to leverage your boyhood memories.
Find out where Gaalan went.
(beep)
(phone ringing)
ROARKE: Connor?
JAX: No.
It's Jax Teller.
ROARKE: Jackson.
It's Brendan Roarke.
How'd you get this number?
JAX: From Malone.
He's here with me now.
ROARKE: What is it you want?
JAX: It's what I don't want.
w*r.
Me reaching out to you directly... forgive the boldness of that... but I already had two men k*lled.
I don't want anymore.
ROARKE: We're hearing about a couple incidents today.
Men k*lled, others taken.
BROGAN: Apparently for their phone numbers.
JAX: I needed to get your attention.
GRIFFIN: Kidnapping gets our attention.
JAX: Yeah, just like Gaalan slaughtering two of my crew got mine.
We k*lled one of your men at the beer warehouse.
I'm sorry. That couldn't be helped.
Other two are here with Connor.
ROARKE: And what happens to them now?
JAX: I let all of them go as soon as I get assurances.
BROGAN: We're listening.
JAX: I told Gaalan why we need out of g*n.
Fed heat is gonna hurt all of us if we don't cut ties.
I offered him distribution to keep the north and new business down south.
ROARKE: And he told the council that both those things were false promises.
And that you delivered that betrayal with a good dose of blasphemy.
JAX: I didn't break my promise.
I needed time to make it work.
Gaalan doesn't want to make it work.
ROARKE: Why is that?
JAX: Gaalan and Clay go back more than 20 years.
They've done deals off the books, shit that neither of our organizations know about. They got secrets to protect.
BROGAN: That's a weighty accusation.
JAX: I'm not accusing anyone. I'm just giving you the facts. Gaalan hates that I'm at the head of the table now. He is undermining your cause to hurt me and my club.
GRIFFIN: So what's the truth, then?
JAX: Clay is an unreliable source. His days in Stockton are numbered. But I got someone real. August Marks. Heir to Damon Pope. He wants to distribute.
ROARKE: Pope built his empire on heroin. We don't like those kind of associations.
JAX: Come on, Roarke, let's be honest. We know it's not the drugs you have a problem with. You guys have a thing about partners of a different shade. But Marks can triple your buyers, distribute anywhere in Northern Cali. His connections are deep. He'll be good for the cause.
ROARKE: I'll need to talk to the others. I'll call you on this phone when we've made a decision.
JAX: Okay.
ROARKE: We've lost four distributors in six cities in the last year. We cannot afford to lose Northern California.
GAALAN: We won't. Teller's just like his old man... weak, lost, loyalties in the wrong place. sp*cs, and now the n*gg*r*s? Marks won't triple our business. He'll just use us to set up his network, then dump us for a local, cheaper source. Shit players, all of 'em. Clay Morrow's still our connection to Northern Cali.
BROGAN: Is there anything we should know about you and Morrow?
GAALAN: Any deal I've made with Clay has fed this table. I got no secrets from you.
GRIFFIN: Can Clay get the job done inside?
GAALAN: He won't be in for long. I've already set up other protection and transport here. Our deal with Clay will be locked down by the end of the day. Our history with the Sons of Anarchy has come to an end.
ROARKE: And Teller?
GAALAN: He gets what he wants. Out of g*n. And ties severed.
WENDY: You should read everything. Okay.
WENDY: Okay.
GEMMA: Excuse me, we're looking for Wendy Case. She's right down the hall on the left.
GEMMA: Thanks.
WENDY (quietly): Shit.
(light knocking)
Uh, c... ome in.
GEMMA: Hey.
WENDY: Hey.
GEMMA: Sorry to bug you at work.
UNSER: I, uh... I'll wait in the car.
GEMMA: Yeah, okay.
My bodyguard.
WENDY: Oh.
What's going on?
GEMMA (sighs): We're on lockdown.
WENDY: Oh. What now?
GEMMA: Irish.
k*lled a couple of our guys.
Phil, the... the big one...
WENDY: Oh.
GEMMA: and a prospect.
WENDY: Jesus.
IRA?
Well, what the hell does that mean, now?
GEMMA: Well, it ain't good.
And I'm thinking that this is gonna send Tara's exit strategy into high gear.
You hear anything?
WENDY: No.
Not since the other day.
What are you gonna do, Gemma?
About Tara.
GEMMA: You're gonna bring me a copy of that will, and then I'm gonna show Jax just what she's up to.
WENDY: He has no idea?
GEMMA: No.
He's neck-deep in club shit.
Tara making this move behind his back... it's gonna rip him apart.
I'm not gonna...
I'm not gonna say anything unless I have proof.
WENDY: Yeah.
Okay.
GEMMA: All right.
Oh, hey, I, uh...
I was cleaning out some drawers and I...
I found copies of these.
Abel's baby pictures.
I figured you probably didn't have any.
WENDY: Thanks.
GEMMA: I should be going.
WENDY: Gemma... why are you doing this?
Letting me in.
GEMMA: All this push and pull with Tara...
I hate it.
I just want the family to be right.
I don't know, I've just been thinking about... about how it was before she showed up.
I loved you, Wendy.
A lot.
You're a good fit for Jax.
It should've worked.
You let the junk shit all over that.
WENDY: I know.
GEMMA: You just keep doing what you're doing.
(door opens) (door closes)
JUICE: All right.
Yeah.
I'll let everybody know.
All right.
TIG: Hey.
Rogue River's on their way down now.
JAX: Okay, good. Hap's with the Irish.
We should hear something hopefully from the Kings soon.
How's things going here?
TIG: Fine.
Tara and Rat are at the hospital.
Gemma and Unser went somewhere.
JAX: All right. I got to go to Diosa, meet Colette and Barosky.
TIG: I'll see youse later.
JUICE: Hey, uh...
I just got off with Clay's lawyer.
He set up a... a conjugal between Clay and Gemma.
JAX: Oh.
When?
JUICE: Now.
He's waiting.
He said to tell Gemma to bring $500 cash.
CHIBS: Bought himself a cell.
JUICE: What the hell does that mean?
TIG: That means the state cannot wire a conjugal.
You have to do it with your spouse.
Clay needs to tell us something.
JUICE: Yeah?
And who's gonna tell her?
TIG: Sounds like a job for a loving son to me.
JAX: Yeah.
Chibs?
CHIBS: Aw, m...
Aye, I'll back you up.
ROOSEVELT: Here.
NERO: Give me a minute?
ROOSEVELT: Yeah.
NERO: Something I should know, Sheriff?
'Cause I get a little anxious when I know that I'm being followed by law enforcement.
ROOSEVELT: Let's just call it curiosity.
NERO: No, let's just call it you're up my ass over a m*rder I had nothing to do with.
Either charge me, so that I can engage proper legal counsel, or back off.
ROOSEVELT: Now, why do you think it was you that I was following?
The San Juan D.A. knows that SAMCRO is connected to the KG-9 that was used in the Aquino sh**ting.
NERO: So, all this curiosity is about the MC, not about Erin's m*rder?
ROOSEVELT: Well, now, that depends on the DNA results.
And I should have those back in a few hours.
NERO: Shit.
You want to follow me, Sheriff, I'll make it easy.
I'll be at Diosa most of the afternoon, then probably head over to TM.
May make a stop along the way, buy a pack of gum, k*ll a hooker or two. You know, just another day.
(door closes)
LOWEN: Lee Toric's m*rder hurts our case.
TARA: How?
I mean, it just proves that Otto's a psychopath.
LOWEN: Just the opposite.
I found out Toric was on the D.A.'s payroll.
Helping her look for leads in that school sh**ting.
TARA: You think he was going after the MC for that?
LOWEN: I think the marshal is looking for anything, any way to hurt the Sons.
TARA (whispers): Christ.
If he was, Otto k*lling Toric looks like an organized move.
LOWEN: Yes.
Argues against him acting alone in his sister's m*rder.
TARA (sighs): Unbelievable.
LOWEN: Yeah.
RAT BOY: Wait, how do you use those things? You...
Shit. Hey, hey!
She blew right past me.
WENDY: I need to talk to you. Alone.
(Tara exhales)
TARA: I got it.
LOWEN: I'll grab a coffee.
TARA: I'd like a coffee, too.
RAT BOY: Yeah. All right.
TARA (whispers): You can't just come here without calling.
That guy is gonna tell Jax that you were here.
WENDY: I can't do this anymore.
TARA: What are you talking about?
WENDY: I can't keep doing this, I can't keep lying to everyone.
TARA: Look, I know this is hard for you, I know...
I know it rubs against the way you're trying to live, but you need to think big picture here, greater good.
WENDY: I am starting to lose sight of that.
TARA: We have to get Thomas and Abel away from the club.
Away from Gemma.
WENDY: There's got to be another way.
TARA: There's not!
(laughs) I'm going to jail, Wendy, I have to face that reality, and the only way I can do that is to know that my son... your... son... is out of danger.
I need you to take care of them.
WENDY: My son?
(sniffles) (Wendy crying)
TARA: Yeah.
Your son.
(Wendy sighs heavily)
I can't do this without you.
Please?
(Wendy sighs)
WENDY: I want to spend time with Abel.
I don't care what you have to tell him.
TARA: Okay.
We can do that. (Wendy sniffles)
WENDY: Soon.
Okay?
TARA: Mm-hmm.
(softly): Yeah.
WENDY: Okay.
(Wendy sighs)
GEMMA: Gemma Teller-Morrow... for Clay Morrow.
(indistinct shouts in distance) (door buzzes)
GEMMA: Hold that for me. (door squeaks)
You bought yourself two minutes.
(door buzzes)
GEMMA: What do you want to tell me?
CLAY: The Irish reached out to me.
What the hell's been going on?
GEMMA: Gaalan k*lled Phil and V-Lin two days ago.
Chopped them into pieces.
CLAY (whispers): Jesus Christ.
GEMMA: Jax is trying to broker a peace.
Can't afford to go to w*r.
CLAY: Jax offered distribution to Pope's guy.
Wants to back the MC out of g*n.
GEMMA: What?
Why would he do that?
CLAY: Well, that's a question for your son, isn't it?
Micks don't like working with color.
They don't trust any skin they can't see through.
Gaalan let me know that the offer for me to be their distributor's still on the table.
They want to spring me out of here.
Take down the transports bringing me to my hearing in two weeks.
GEMMA: Shit.
What then?
CLAY: I go underground, I put together a crew.
I go to Northern Ireland, then I run the whole thing from Belfast.
GEMMA: What does that mean for the club?
CLAY: It means the Kings don't like the offer.
They're setting up alternatives.
They're gonna shut the MC out.
This ain't good.
Ask Jax what he wants me to do.
GEMMA: Okay.
(knocking)
We're done here. (door buzzes)
No, we're not.
Conjugal's a conjugal, Morrow.
(door closes)
CLAY: Man, you got paid. Let it go.
(Clay yells) Money was for the chat.
Us watching is payment for the visit.
So let's get to it.
GEMMA: That ain't gonna happen, pig.
(Clay grunts)
This goes down one of two ways.
We watch while you tap that MILF ass, or I watch while Crane does it.
Either way, I get off.
Okay, then.
CLAY: You touch her, I'll cut your g*dd*mn heart out.
(Clay grunts)
GEMMA: Okay.
No.
Come on.
Kiss him.
(whispering): Yeah. Yeah.
CRANE: Undress. I want to see those tits.
CLAY: I'm so sorry.
(Gemma sighs)
CLAY: I'm gonna k*ll both of 'em.
GEMMA: No, you're not.
Jax needs you.
You're no good to us in the hole... or d*ad.
(buzzer sounds) (door opens)
(buzzer sounds)
You talk, he dies.
(buzzer sounds)
CHIBS: Okay, sweetheart?
GEMMA: Just get me out of here.
(buzzer sounds)
JAX: I know.
We bring some heat with us right now.
BAROSKY: Some? I did some digging, kid.
The Sanwa D.A.'s got a hard-on for your MC and your little merry band of bangers.
She's trying to tie you both to the school sh**ting.
JAX: Take it easy.
There is nothing to tie.
COLETTE: What does this have to do with my house?
BAROSKY: Just shut up a sec, let me finish.
JAX: Hey, she's not one of your street whores, assh*le.
BAROSKY: She's not one of yours either.
COLETTE: No, stop it.
NERO: All right, all right, enough.
This D.A. is the one that's pushing our sheriff at me.
I did a little digging, too.
Roosevelt's following me, looking for a bad move, it means they ain't got dick.
BAROSKY: I know Patterson.
She's not the kind of broad just throws shit against the wall, hopes it sticks.
JAX: Okay, look.
If we stopped doing business every time the PD liked us for a crime, we'd never earn a dime.
Let us move forward with Colette.
If this D.A.'s case heats up, we'll pull out of Stockton.
COLETTE: Look, I need these guys, Charlie.
BAROSKY: Yeah, I can see that.
Okay... but hear this.
This better not blow back in my face.
Let's go.
NERO: Hey.
GEMMA: Hey.
NERO: I'll be right back.
GEMMA: Who's the blonde?
CHIBS: New whore partner.
JAX: You talk to Clay?
GEMMA: Yeah.
CHIBS: I'll fill you in.
Kitchen.
JAX: All right.
LYLA: What can I make you, sweetheart?
(Gemma sighs)
GEMMA: Three hours younger.
JAX: So, what did Clay say?
CHIBS: Are you out of your mind?
Offering Kings black as a partner?
Jesus Christ.
Why don't you just ask if you could r*pe their mothers?
Same level of offense.
JAX: Do you want to tell me what Clay said?
(Chibs sighs)
CHIBS: Told Gemma the Kings reached out, and they want him to run point on distribution.
JAX: Oh, shit.
CHIBS: Aye... shit.
You cannot run this club on your own.
JAX: August made the offer.
I didn't say yes or no. I...
I floated it to the Irish as an option.
CHIBS: Behind my back.
I could have told you how deep this hatred runs.
Do you trust me, Jackie?
Do you trust any of us?
'Cause it's not just your club.
JAX: It might not be anyone's club for much longer.
CHIBS: Mind if I stay for this one?
Don't give up Clay.
He may be our only way into them.
JAX: All right.
(line ringing)
ROARKE: Yes.
JAX: It's Jax.
Just wondering if you'd made a decision.
ROARKE: I was just about to phone you up, Jackson.
We're very close.
Still need to discuss it with a few people.
It's what, 6:00 there?
JAX: Yeah, just about.
ROARKE: We'll give you a call at 8:00 your time.
Don't use that phone anymore. It's traceable by now.
Still keep burners at the clubhouse?
JAX: Yeah.
I'll text you the number.
ROARKE: We'll give you our answer and conditions.
You'll need to vote on them right away.
We'll want to know how to move forward.
JAX: I'll make sure I've got a full table.
ROARKE: Aye.
Until then.
JAX: Maybe their greed's trumping their racism.
CHIBS: Well... that will be a first, Jackie boy.
GEMMA: New partner's very cute.
NERO: Blondes ain't my thing.
You okay?
GEMMA: Oh, yeah.
Just really tired.
You mind driving me back to TM?
NERO: Sure.
GEMMA: I got to tell you something.
NERO: Okay.
Yeah?
What's going on, Gem?
GEMMA: I don't want to keep things from you.
(indistinct radio transmission)
CANE: DNA from Padilla's truck.
ROOSEVELT: Hmm.
Find him and I'll meet you outside.
(door opens)
(door closes)
CHIBS: I brought everyone up to speed.
JAX: Okay.
Thank you.
CHIBS: We're all here for you... my brother.
JAX: I know.
♪
(Thomas crying)
(brakes screech)
GEMMA: You gonna be okay with this?
NERO: I'm trying.
GEMMA: Promise you won't take it to Jax... not now.
(siren chirps)
TIG: What the hell is Sheriff Remus doing here?
JAX: Oh, shit.
UNSER: Hey, I'll go see.
JAX: Thank you.
ROOSEVELT: Give me a minute.
JAX: What time is it?
JUICE: Two minutes to 8:00.
JAX: All right, everyone to the table.
Let's take this call. Yeah.
CHIBS: Table, boys.
Table.
JAX: Hey, Chucky.
You know where this pen came from?
CHUCK: Yeah, it's a shamrock pen.
Delivery guy left it a few hours ago.
JAX: What delivery?
CHUCK: Beer.
Gemma must've ordered it.
CHIBS: 8:00.
JAX: Full table for the vote.
Everyone out! Get out!
(overlapping shouting)
Now, get out!
TARA: What's going on?
JAX: Go!
TARA: No, no, no, Abel! In your room.
JAX: I got him! Get her out!
CHIBS: Get out!
Jackie!
(Chibs shouts indistinctly)
(Thomas crying) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "06x05 - The Mad King"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
ERIN: Hey, baby, why...
LEE: Jesus, I'm sorry.
ERIN: You sh*t me!
LEE: You're okay. I'm really sorry.
ROOSEVELT: Do you know a Ms. Erin Byrne?
NERO: Yeah, she works here. She's one of our escorts.
ROOSEVELT: She was found d*ad last night.
CANE: There's a warrant for your vehicle, Mr. Padilla.
ROOSEVELT: The caller who spotted the body said they saw a Ford pickup truck drive away from the scene.
CANE: DNA in Padilla's truck.
ROOSEVELT: Go find him.
PATTERSON: My special investigator believed Ms. Byrne could tie the Byz-lat and the Sons of Anarchy to the g*n that was used in the Count of Aquino sh**ting. We need to find a bad guy, Lieutenant. Someone, some crew has got to take the blame for the m*rder of these four children.
GEMMA: How's Bobby?
JUICE: I got a feeling he's gonna patch out of Redwood.
GEMMA: Nomads folded.
JUICE: All you need is four members that don't have a home anymore.
TARA: I'm pregnant.
GEMMA: Oh, my God. That's wonderful. How's Jax with it?
TARA: I just found out for sure-- I'll tell him tonight.
LOWEN: Are you certain about Wendy?
TARA: No, but I am certain about the alternative.
(knocking)
UNSER: Oh, sorry. Uh...
UNSER: - Do you need my help? TARA: - If I said yes?
UNSER: Then I'd say I'm gonna need to know all the facts.
JAX: Let's bring Connor into the Wahewa.
Get him to connect us to the Kings.
I got no choice, Gaalan. I got to move us out of g*n.
GAALAN: I'll take it back to the Kings.
Our history with the Sons of Anarchy has come to an end.
JAX: What delivery?
CHUCK: Beer. Gemma must've ordered it.
He gets what he wants, out of g*n... JAX: - Everyone out! Go!
GAALAN: ...and ties severed.
(loud expl*si*n)
(indistinct chatter)
(siren wailing in distance)
(water dripping)
♪ ♪
(Jax sighs)
JAX: I did this.
(wood clatters)
(wood clatters)
CHIBS: We're gonna fix this, brother.
You hear me?
JAX: Yeah.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ a perfect line ♪
♪ on the devil's bed ♪
♪ until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ in the eye ♪
ROOSEVELT: I know expl*sives when I smell 'em.
JAX: I can't tell you who.
But I can tell you why.
I'm trying to end a relationship.
ROOSEVELT: Oh, then she's very pissed off.
CHIBS: Aye. She sure is.
ROOSEVELT: Listen, fellas, now, I know everyone in this town always looked the other way at how the-the club earned.
The MC, well, you guys kept it small and safe.
Unser, Clay, they made it work.
It's not working anymore.
Last couple of years, everything that SAMCRO does, it comes back to haunt them.
And everybody knows that now.
Do you think anybody is gonna come here to get their vehicle worked on anymore?
JAX: That's my burden.
CANE: LT, Gemma Teller's down at the station.
She's making a scene about seeing Padilla.
JAX: And that's your burden.
ROOSEVELT: I'm headed in.
Now, I know that this was the IRA.
Is there something else that I should know?
JAX: I'm trying to put an end to this shit.
I'm trying to put us on the right side of things, but it's gonna take a minute.
ROOSEVELT: I'm afraid your minute might've ran out in that classroom last week.
JAX: Look, I know you're a good cop.
We done a few rounds together, but I never tried to buy you and I'm not asking you to look the other way.
I'm trying to be straight with you here.
If you press the club on this, if you crawl up our ass right now, it's not gonna help either one of us or this town.
I'm sorry that this happened.
CHIBS: We're gonna make sure none of this shit ever happens again.
ROOSEVELT: I can tell you guys really believe that.
I'm just not sure I do.
JAX: Good luck with my mom.
GEMMA: I just want to go in there and make sure he's okay!
EGLEE: He's not allowed any visitors.
GEMMA: Come on! This is bullshit!
CARREIRA: Look, you can talk to his lawyer later.
GEMMA: - Idiots! CARREIRA: - Gemma, come on.
EGLEE: Whoa. Whoa! Hey!
Wait a minute, Gemma. Just hang on. Whoa, Gemma.
CARREIRA: - Gemma, enough. EGLEE: - Come on, Gemma.
GEMMA: - Hey! EGLEE: - Stop it! Stop it now!
GEMMA: - Hey! Hey! Hey! EGLEE: - Okay, all right!
All right!
NERO: How's it going?
GEMMA: Okay.
Just, uh, you know, thought I'd come by and say hi.
Hi.
NERO: What am I gonna do with you?
GEMMA: I'm sorry.
NERO: You okay?
GEMMA: I guess.
Haven't slept.
NERO: Anybody hurt over there?
GEMMA: Oh, no. No.
Freaked out but no one got hurt.
NERO: Shit.
That was a first for me, mama.
(sighs) g*dd*mn.
GEMMA: Yeah, I know.
I don't want you to go away, baby.
NERO: The state may have other ideas about that.
GEMMA: I mean away from me.
I know you want to get away from the MC.
And after last night, I'm sure you're feeling the crush of that.
I want to be with you, Nero.
I do.
But I-I need to be there for my family.
Especially now.
I want to figure a way to do both.
Just need some time.
NERO: You might have 20 to life.
GEMMA: Those charges are bullshit.
And they are gonna find a way to prove that.
NERO: I hope so.
(door opens)
JAX: Where's Tara?
HAPPY: With the boys in your old room.
JAX: Did we hear anything yet?
TIG: Well, talked to Belfast.
They're whole.
All the other charters, too.
JAX: See if they're ready?
CHIBS: Aye.
(door opens)
(door closes)
JAX: Hey.
How's he doing?
TARA: I don't know.
He didn't sleep.
Wouldn't eat anything.
JAX: We're heading up to Chester.
Sitting down with the Northwest.
Letting them know why this happened.
TARA: Okay.
I'm gonna go to St. Thomas and get an ultrasound.
JAX: Is there something wrong?
TARA: No. I don't think so.
It's just a precaution.
JAX: Jesus.
(knocking)
(door opens)
CHUCK: You got a long-distance call, Jax.
JAX: All right.
(Tara sighs)
(door closes)
JAX: Hey, stay.
(Jax sighs)
We're all here.
GAALAN: The council is prepared to offer you terms for your betrayal.
JAX: Our betrayal?
GAALAN: That's right.
A peaceful transition.
Or we do what we did yesterday to every clubhouse between here and San Bernardino.
JAX: What terms?
GAALAN: Clay will be handling the distribution of our g*n in Northern California.
How is none of your concern.
What is your concern is facilitating that transition, making sure all your buyers are on board.
And you won't be taking a percentage.
You wanted out-- that includes profit as well.
Understood?
JAX: We'll have to take a vote.
GAALAN: I don't give a shit about your democracy.
Are we understood?
TIG (quietly): Yeah.
JAX: Yeah.
Understood.
ROARKE: Glad to hear that, Jackson.
JAX: Really?
'Cause your plan was to blow up our clubhouse with a full table, so forgive me if I have a little trouble believing you're glad to hear anything from me.
ROARKE: We regret being pushed to such desperate measures.
Let's make sure that never happens again.
JAX: All of us here can live with that.
I'm not sure everyone at your table feels the same way.
GAALAN: We all want the same thing, Jax.
JAX: No, we don't.
I'll cut Connor and your other guys loose.
ROARKE: They're still alive?
JAX: Yeah.
I told you.
I didn't want a w*r.
ROARKE: Aye.
GAALAN: I'll move forward with Clay.
(door opens)
(door closes)
CHIBS: I say we keep Connor for a couple more days.
Make sure this peace shit is real.
JAX: Is that what you all want?
TIG: Yeah. Yeah.
HAPPY: At least a couple days.
JUICE: - Makes sense. JAX: - Okay.
Tacoma's still at the barn.
Let's keep them there until we get back.
TIG: Uh, Jax, Rogue River, Indian Hills, Eureka, Moab, Tacoma-- all officers are confirmed.
JAX: All right. Let's go.
(vehicle approaching)
(indistinct radio chatter)
EGLEE: Have a nice day.
At home.
GEMMA: Eat me.
(chuckles)
JAX: Police escort?
GEMMA: Don't ask.
JAX: How's Nero?
GEMMA: Not very hopeful.
JAX: I'm sorry.
GEMMA: I know, baby.
You guys headed north?
JAX: Yeah.
I need Clay to know what happened.
I want him to take that Irish deal.
GEMMA: Another conjugal?
JAX: No, you don't need privacy for this message.
Just a simple "move forward."
GEMMA: Okay.
JAX: Come here.
(Gemma sighs)
(Gemma sniffling, exhales)
GEMMA (exhales): I'm here.
I'll go see Clay.
Uh, you let me know if there's anything else I can do.
JAX: Just... keep an eye on Tara.
Make sure she's not alone. GEMMA: - Of course.
TARA: Come on. Give me your hand.
(engines starting)
GEMMA: - Where you heading? TARA: - St. Thomas.
I'm gonna put the boys in day care and work with Lowen on the trial.
GEMMA: Okay.
How's that looking?
TARA: Not so good.
GEMMA: Sorry.
(vehicle approaching)
You and Unser seem to be bonding.
TARA: Yeah.
ABEL: - Wayne! UNSER: - Ah, morning!
ABEL: Hi.
UNSER: Hey! Oh, easy, buddy.
Oh! (chuckling) Whoa.
TARA: Bye.
UNSER: Ow, I got me a little n*zi owie here.
Go on. Let's get in the truck.
ABEL: I can drive.
EGLEE: - I took the insurance... PATTERSON: - What the hell happened last night?
ROOSEVELT: Residue tests will be back in a couple of days, but it had to be a b*mb.
Plastics most likely. PATTERSON: - Anybody talking?
ROOSEVELT: Teller indicated it was about ending a relationship.
My guess? He pissed off his supplier.
PATTERSON: IRA?
Well, they love to blow shit up.
Padilla was processed?
ROOSEVELT: He's with his lawyer.
Come here.
(Roosevelt sighs) Okay.
You're not gonna want to hear this.
PATTERSON: Then don't say it.
ROOSEVELT: I know the DNA was a match, but I don't like Padilla for the m*rder.
It's too neat.
I think he was set up.
PATTERSON: Well, as much as I appreciate a good hunch, I'm gonna stick to the concrete, scientific evidence for now.
(Patterson sighs)
I need to make some calls.
ROOSEVELT: Okay.
(Roosevelt sighs)
Oh. Uh... Do you want to... PATTERSON: - Yes.
ROOSEVELT: - Okay. PATTERSON: - Thanks.
(door closes)
TARA: Bye, guys. See you later.
We're gonna have fun. TARA: - Bye-bye.
(children laughing)
(Tara sighs)
UNSER: You doing okay, sweetheart?
TARA: I guess.
It's just surreal to me, Wayne.
I don't know what's more frightening, the v*olence getting worse or my ability to simply take it in stride.
I see how living this way can make you... UNSER: - Gemma?
You give any more thought to my offer?
TARA: Yeah.
I might need your help.
I can't tell you everything.
UNSER: Why not start with what you can?
TARA: If I have to go to jail, I am not letting my boys stay in Charming.
UNSER: Jax is their dad.
TARA: I'm filing for divorce.
Asking for full custody.
UNSER: Who gets the boys if you go inside?
WENDY: Hey.
I heard about the expl*si*n.
TARA: The boys are fine.
I'm-I'm so sorry I didn't call you.
WENDY: - Shit. What happened? TARA: - What do you think?
WENDY: Is everyone else okay? Gemma?
TARA: She's fine.
You should check up on her, build the trust.
WENDY: Yeah, okay.
TARA: This is exactly why we need to stay on task, Wendy.
If I go away, I need you to take those boys out of here before something else blows up.
WENDY: - Okay. TARA: - Wayne knows.
He's... here to help us.
UNSER: Yeah.
WENDY: All right.
TARA: Abel's in day care.
I told him his friend Wendy was coming back to play with him.
He was very excited. WENDY: - Yeah?
Okay.
Thanks.
UNSER: You're, uh... you're spinning a lot of plates there, sweetheart.
TARA: Yeah.
_
(siren wailing)
RAT BOY: Shit.
(siren continues wailing)
JAX: Hey, pull over.
(siren stops)
JAX (quietly): We all clean?
HAPPY: Yeah, Rat's got all the hardware.
PLYMPTON: Welcome to paradise, boys.
Had a little trouble catching up to you.
You know, the speed limit's
55 on our road here.
JAX: Yeah, sorry about that.
Guess we were just enjoying the scenery.
TOFER: - Where you headed? CHIBS: - To Chester.
TOFER: - Hmm. From where? JAX: - Sanwa. Charming.
PLYMPTON: Well, I don't know what the laws are in Charming, but here, in Eden, wearing those g*ng colors, that's illegal.
HAPPY: We're not a g*ng; we're a club.
TOFER: The Rotary, Knights of Columbus, 4-H-- those are clubs.
Rockers and reapers suggest something else.
TIG: Officer, we didn't mean any disrespect, you know?
We know you got a beautiful place here.
PLYMPTON: Yes, we do. And we intend to keep it that way.
Let's see some ID.
We had a big robbery last week.
Bikes stolen off a truck headed for a Butte County Harley dealer.
A few Dynas, half a dozen baggers.
CHIBS: - None of these bikes are new. TIG: - Or stolen.
TOFER: No, it looks like you got some recent modifications though.
JAX: Yeah, we own a garage, do the work ourselves.
PLYMPTON: Ah, good for you.
Tell you what. I'm gonna do you a solid, okay?
I'm gonna have the bikes picked up.
We'll run the serials for anything aftermarket.
Make sure no one sold you any stolen parts.
JAX: Look, you made your point, man.
We won't come through Eden again.
We got a family thing we really need to get to.
PLYMPTON: I feel you, pres. I do.
But I got a job to do.
JUICE: And what job is that?
PLYMPTON: That some kind of tribal shit?
You supposed to be a warrior, son?
JUICE: No.
I'm just a guy who knows a coward when I see one.
JAX: Okay, look, I'm sorry.
We're all just a little road weary.
He didn't mean no disrespect.
TOFER: Dispatch wants us at exit 126.
CHP request.
PLYMPTON: Oh. Okay.
You call Pagone?
TOFER: Yeah. Flatbed's on the way.
CHIBS: - Really? Come on. TIG: - Oh, really? Really?
Just write us up for speeding, get your quota.
PLYMPTON: Eden doesn't have quotas.
You fellas, uh, you're all about the brotherhood, right?
Loyalty? That kind of shit?
That's good.
CHIBS: What? Are you serious?
TOFER: - Hey, don't be stupid. PLYMPTON: - That's right.
JAX: Everything's cool, man. All right?
PLYMPTON: My partner and I, we got to head out.
I want you boys to sit here and wait for impound and backup to arrive.
This right here?
That's where you can pick up your bikes.
TOFER: Yeah, if there's anything left.
PLYMPTON: We know you wouldn't desert a brother, would you?
(grunts) JAX: Juice!
TOFER: - Hey, hey, hey! JAX: - Knock it off!
CHIBS: Enough, Juice, enough!
JAX: Juice!
CHIBS: Juice!
JAX: Juice, stop! Happy!
TOFER: Okay, you better think twice about this move!
PLYMPTON: as*ault a cop gets you k*lled in this town!
TOFER: And we know who you are!
JAX: Yeah, and we know a scam when we see one!
TIG: That's right we do.
I've seen Smokey and the Bandit a thousand times!
Love that movie.
PLYMPTON: You scumbags are done.
You won't make it out of... JAX: - Juice! Stop!
CHIBS: Enough! Enough!
(distant siren wailing)
JAX: Let's go.
HAPPY: We should go now.
TIG: Come on, Juice, come on!
JAX: Come on! (Tig grunts)
TIG: Come on, good buddy, let's go!
(engines starting)
(distant sirens wailing)
♪
♪
PLYMPTON: Go, go, go, go, go!
JAX: The hell is he doing?
He's jamming us up!
PLYMPTON: Go around him!
RAT BOY: Juice!
Come on!
(Juice grunts)
(tires screeching)
JAX: Holy shit!
(coughing)
TOFER: - You all right? PLYMPTON: - Yeah, you?
TOFER: - I'm good. PLYMPTON: - Good.
(Rat Boy and Juice laughing)
RAT BOY: Hell yeah, man!
CHIBS: Juice! Juice! Juice!
That boy ain't right!
JUICE: Yeah!
(Juice whoops)
(engines shut off)
(birds chirping, calling)
(Juice sighs)
JUICE: I talked to Barosky.
No APB, no POI call.
No one's looking for us.
HAPPY: Which means they were dirty.
TIG: Most of the stolen parts come from Butte and Plumas County, bro.
JAX: Guess the cops feed the pipeline.
Pull over anything dirty or dark.
CHIBS: So what do you want to do about our friends in Eden?
JAX: Claim our property.
CHIBS: Good.
TIG: I'll get a 20 on this chop shop.
CHIBS: Great. Get on it, Tiggy.
JAX: Hey.
(grunts)
JURY: Good to see you, Jax.
JAX: You, too, Jury.
JURY: That flash looks good on your chest.
JAX: Just trying to live up to it, you know?
JURY: He asked to come.
I figured it made sense.
JAX: It's all good.
JURY: - What's up, bro? TIG: - Been a long time, boss.
BOBBY: Good to see you, brother.
JAX: You, too.
(grunts)
Glad you came.
BOBBY: Can you give me some time afterwards?
I got something I want to talk to you about.
It's important.
JAX: Sure.
BOBBY: Good.
CHIBS: - Who's this guy? TIG: - Who's that? Who's that?
CHIBS: Who's this guy?!
(Chibs, Tig and Happy laughing)
Who is this guy?
TIG: You never call, you never write.
(indistinct chatter)
CLAY: You doing okay? I know there's nothing to do about it now, but the shit that those guards did, it's not gonna go unpunished.
GEMMA: Irish blew up the clubhouse.
CLAY: What?!
GEMMA: They smuggled in C-4 in a beer delivery.
CLAY: Jesus Christ. Is... is everybody whole?
GEMMA: Yeah.
CLAY: What do you want me to do?
GEMMA: Jax said to move forward with the offer.
Needs you inside that circle.
CLAY: Right.
That makes sense.
What else?
GEMMA: In County... that marshal that was pulling the strings-- you got any sense of him?
You know, just how far he was willing to go?
CLAY: What's it matter? Otto k*lled him.
GEMMA: Nero was arrested on the m*rder of one of his girls.
It was bullshit.
Evidence was planted.
He's thinking maybe Toric set him up, use him as leverage against the club.
You think he was capable of crossing that line?
CLAY: You asking me to help clear your boyfriend?
GEMMA: Considering I rode your cock yesterday for that creep show, didn't say shit to Jax-- I was thinking maybe you owe me one.
CLAY: Toric was completely warped.
He'd do anything to hurt the MC.
I don't know if he was always that unhinged, or losing his sister pushed him there.
The shit he did to Otto-- beating and raping him like clockwork-- thr*at to do the same thing to me.
What Otto did... was to save me as much as himself.
(buzzer sounds)
(door clanks open)
(door closes)
(door closes)
JAX: I want to say thank you for making the ride.
It means a lot to me to have a full table.
I'm certain you have questions and doubts.
That's what this meeting is for.
I know every charter is independent.
You run them as you want.
But I also know, the things we do in Redwood, especially here in the Northwest, impact your local relationships and affect the way you earn.
Some of you knew my old man.
Some just knew his legacy.
It's no secret that he was conflicted at the end.
Questioned every decision he'd ever made.
About the club.
About his family.
That fear, that doubt... it ruined him.
Made him vulnerable.
I'm here to tell you that I'm not following that path.
The choices that I make are not because I'm afraid, or because I have any doubts about this club.
I watched my best friend get his head caved in to protect what we have here.
We've all watched brothers die in the service of this club.
There's two things you can do when that happens.
You can run from the pain, bail.
Or you can allow it to burn into your heart... to leave its mark.
A constant reminder of the love that brought us all here.
(man clears his throat)
Sons of Anarchy-- it's at a crossroads.
Our clubhouse bl*wing up last night-- that's a sign of the times.
The end result of a bloody relationship with the IRA.
It'd be easy for me to sit here and blame our mistakes on my predecessor, but that won't solve shit.
We don't need blame.
What we need, boys, is change.
I want us out of g*n.
(throat clearing)
The RICO heat, the competition, the Irish blowback.
It's just not practical.
Between the lawyers and repairing the damage, we barely earn a profit.
I'm gonna move Redwood into more legitimate enterprises.
Diosa-- it's doing great.
We're earning real money.
We're gonna open another house in Stockton.
We're going to reboot Caracara.
Just found a warehouse down by the docks.
So, I guess it's fair to say that SAMCRO's future is in p*ssy, not b*ll*ts.
(scattered chuckles)
We struck a deal with the Irish.
One that keeps the peace.
But that transition means we all take a h*t.
Now, I know everyone here has had a taste of the g*n business, whether it's in protection, storage or distribution.
It's gonna sting at first, letting go of that cash.
But if we don't...
I'm telling you... this club won't have a future.
We've had 20 members k*lled in the last two years.
All of those deaths tied to the g*n business.
Outside of g*n, how you earn is up to you.
But, if you would like, my charter will do everything it can to help you move in a legitimate direction.
A direction that keeps us out of jail, that keeps us whole and that keeps us alive.
Yeah!
(indistinct shouts)
CARREIRA: Really? Are you kidding me?
GEMMA: Got to talk to your boss.
EGLEE: Come on. Let's get this.
CARREIRA: Gemma, seriously. Come on!
EGLEE: Hey, Gemma! Hey!
PATTERSON: Tell me as fast as you can. I'll call you back.
GEMMA: - Who are you? PATTERSON: - My question, also.
ROOSEVELT: It's okay, you guys.
Gemma, what the hell are you doing here?
GEMMA: - Who's this? ROOSEVELT: - District Attorney Patterson.
She's prosecuting Nero's case.
Gemma Teller Morrow.
Padilla's... GEMMA: - Old lady.
PATTERSON: And Jax Teller's mother.
Didn't know there was an old-lady connection, too.
GEMMA: Yeah, well, there's a lot of shit you don't know.
You mind if I share?
(door closes)
Nero was set up.
That marshal, Toric.
He told Clay he would do anything to hurt the club.
He was having Otto Delaney r*ped every day to punish him for what he did to his sister, and then, he thr*at to do the same thing to Clay.
That's why Otto k*lled Toric.
Couldn't take it anymore.
That marshal was nuts.
Nero would never hurt one of his girls.
He was with me the entire night.
Next morning, he went to church.
I know you want to find the devil who put the g*n in that boy's hand.
It wasn't Nero.
PATTERSON: Then who was it?
ROOSEVELT: Toric was on your payroll.
If anybody finds out that he set up Padilla, that's gonna look like the call of a desperate boss pressing for leverage.
You might want to get in front of that.
PATTERSON: Lieutenant?
Let's check his hotel.
Paid for the month up front.
Showed me his badge.
I didn't know he was k*lled.
Sorry to hear that.
CANE: We need to talk to anyone who's cleaned the room.
He didn't want maid service. He didn't want anyone in his room.
Said he was working on a case or something.
ROOSEVELT: All right, thanks.
Let me know when you're done.
ROOSEVELT: Yeah.
Smell that? (Cane sniffs)
CANE: - Bleach. ROOSEVELT: - Mm-hmm.
(door closes)
Uh-huh. g*n.
Check the bags.
CANE: Yup.
That's a guy expecting trouble.
ROOSEVELT: Or looking to cause it.
Why don't you check out the the bathroom?
(Cane coughs)
Hmm.
CANE: - Spotless. ROOSEVELT: - Yeah?
CANE: It's been showered in bleach.
ROOSEVELT: Hmm.
Hey.
(door opening)
CANE: Damn.
Linoleum underneath.
These are definitely b*llet holes.
PATTERSON: Oh, shit.
Call CSU, get 'em down here.
ROOSEVELT: Found a bag of pharmaceuticals and a set of works.
You know, that Toric was a few kinds of sick.
Linoleum is porous. We should be able to pull DNA.
Now, I know that you want to find leverage to tie Nero and the Sons to your school sh**ting, but I'm sorry, ma'am.
He did not k*ll Erin Byrne.
PATTERSON: We won't know that until we get the DNA.
ROOSEVELT: That could take days.
PATTERSON: All we know right now is that Toric was on medication, he liked to live germ-free, and he discharged a w*apon.
Padilla gets processed. m*rder charge sticks.
JAX: Hey.
(music playing, people chattering)
You tell me what the hell that was today?
JUICE: Was kind of just doing it before I even realized what was going on.
JAX: You don't have anything to prove, Juice.
We're good.
JUICE: Yeah.
I'm not sure Chibs feels the same way.
JAX: Ah.
I'm guessing he'll be healed by the time your face is.
(phone ringing)
No more cowboy shit.
JUICE: Sure. Okay.
JAX: - Hey, babe. TARA: - Hi.
JAX: How'd it go-- the baby?
TARA: The ultrasound was fine.
JAX: Oh, thank God.
TARA: Yeah.
JAX: You know this one's a girl, right?
TARA: Why do you say that?
JAX: I just got a feeling.
She's gonna be strong and beautiful, like her mom.
TARA: Oh, maybe.
JAX: How's Abel doing?
TARA: His appetite's back.
How's it going there?
JAX: Good, good.
I let everyone know we're out of g*n, what our plans are.
They all get it.
Every charter's on board. TARA: - Oh, that's great.
LOWEN: Hi.
TARA: Hey, Lowen just arrived.
JAX: Okay.
TARA: And get home safe.
JAX: Yeah, I will. I love you.
TARA: Me, too. Bye.
You're here early.
LOWEN: I got a call from the DA's office.
Patterson wants to meet, offer you some sort of deal.
TARA: - When? LOWEN: - Now.
She's on her way here.
TARA: Well, I don't need a deal.
We have a plan.
LOWEN: You have a plan for Jax, for the boys, for Wendy.
You need a plan for Tara.
Let's hear what she has to say. Okay?
(Lowen sighs)
(indistinct chattering)
(motorcycle engine running)
BOBBY: I'm glad I came.
That was some powerful stuff in there.
JAX: Thanks.
See you posse'd up.
That your Nomad crew?
BOBBY: I guess that's the buzz around the charters.
We gossip more than teenage girls.
JAX: That your transfer?
BOBBY: Not mine.
Quinn, Montez and West.
Hopper got spooked by the expl*si*n.
He's out.
JAX: You've been recruiting for SAMCRO?
BOBBY: Yeah. We'll ride back with you.
Club can vote on it when we get to Charming.
I ripped that flash off because I didn't know how to help you that way anymore.
I handpicked these guys, because they're loyal, they're smart, they got families, they're hardworking, and their priorities are in the right place.
It's exactly what this charter needs.
This ain't no kind of power grab.
I got no interest in the gavel or a new patch.
This is because I love this club.
And I love you.
(Jax laughs)
PATTERSON: I'm aware Toric made a run at you in County.
I'm sorry if his methods were questionable, but he was not working for me at the time.
TARA: But you both want the same thing.
LOWEN: Tara.
PATTERSON: Toric wanted vengeance.
I want justice.
The process to get to those two things might feel the same, but the motivation is very different.
Like when you gave Otto Delaney the crucifix.
I don't believe your motivation was vengeance.
LOWEN: We're not here to discuss the alleged details.
Do you have something to offer or not?
PATTERSON: The doctor already knows my offer.
A loving mother for a dangerous husband.
What's best for the boys?
LOWEN: This is bullshit.
When you have something real, put it in writing.
PATTERSON: You're not really going to go to jail for him?
Leave your children? LOWEN: - Don't answer that. We're done.
TARA: - I love my husband. LOWEN: - Tara?
TARA: I know who he is and what he does.
PATTERSON: Then you know it's not you who deserves to be in jail.
Full immunity for the proof of the g*n.
It's the only offer you'll get.
(door opens)
WOMAN (over PA): Dr. Gordon...
(door closes)
LOWEN: - You okay? TARA: - Yeah.
LOWEN: I need you to think about that offer, Tara.
I know how much you love Jax.
TARA: No, you don't.
The betrayal of love has boundaries.
Ones that I have to live with.
I don't need to think about an offer.
LOWEN: Okay.
LYLA: Hey, Gem.
Did you see Nero? GEMMA: - Yeah.
LYLA: How is he?
GEMMA: On his way to County.
(Lyla sighs)
LYLA: Jesus Christ.
GEMMA: Yeah, but he ain't gonna be there long.
We just got to help Jax to keep this place up and running until he gets out, okay?
LYLA: I know.
GEMMA: Anything I can help you with?
LYLA: Yeah.
Friend of Nero's came in looking for him.
Seemed pretty upset.
I didn't know what I should tell her.
Said she wanted to wait, so, I put her in his room.
(door opens)
GEMMA: One of Nero's girls?
(door closes)
LYLA: Um... yes and no.
Hey, Eric. How are you?
(knocking)
(water running)
(water stops running)
(door opens)
VENUS: Oh, I'm.... I'm so sorry, darling.
If-if you're looking for Nero, he's not back yet.
GEMMA: Wow.
VENUS: Oh.
Yes. At the very least.
(Venus laughs)
VENUS: Oh.
Thank you, Gem.
GEMMA: Sure.
(Venus sighs)
VENUS: I knew Nero had himself a new lady.
I just didn't realize she was so substantial.
(Gemma laughs)
GEMMA: Yeah, that's me, the substantial one.
(Venus laughs)
(Venus sighs)
That's much better.
Um... GEMMA: - Oh, wait.
Here, I'll take it. VENUS: - Thank you.
(Venus sighs)
Darling, I am so sorry to hear about Nero's incarceration.
I-I know him.
That man would never raise a hand to a woman.
GEMMA: Yeah, I know.
What's your connection... to Nero?
How do you know him?
VENUS: Oh, it was from another life, darling.
GEMMA: Before the... the transformation?
VENUS: Oh, um... yes.
Back in the days of young Vincent Noone.
My darling mother, Alice, was one of Nero's best, um, uh... street performers.
Um, unfortunately, her ability to drain semen from the front seat of a parked car far exceeded her ability to raise a boy of questionable orientation.
I was, uh, 15 when Miss Alice checked into the North Cali Women's Facility for an extended holiday.
Nero was the one who took me in, kept the wolves from my door.
He never asked me for anything.
He was, uh... my guardian angel.
GEMMA: And, um... what's this?
More wolves at your door?
VENUS: Oh, I, uh... I'm afraid I-I ran smack into a low-hanging branch of my gnarled family tree.
I... I didn't quite know where to go, and before I knew it, I was, uh... I was here.
GEMMA: Come here.
(Venus cries) You're safe.
You are safe here.
Come on, come on.
(Venus sobs)
(engines revving)
JAX: All right. Me and Hap.
Rest of you guys stay close.
(train whistle bl*wing)
Montez, watch the bikes.
(bell clangs)
(bell clanging)
Enough!
(Jax laughs)
We're closed.
JAX: Hey, an Eden cop told me to give you this.
What kind of car is it?
(grunting)
Shit! JAX: - You alone?
Mm, yeah. JAX: - Uh, keys.
(man groans)
Come on!
(gate creaks open)
CHIBS: - I got him, I got him.
Oh.
CHIBS: Come here, mate, come here.
Tiggy? TIG: - Yeah.
CHIBS: - Find Juice's bike. TIG: - Rat.
(man groans)
JAX: This okay with you, Mom?
BOBBY: Blow me, boy.
JUICE: Hey! Hey!
That's my bike.
(man groans)
Hey, Juice! CHIBS: - Hey, Juicy!
Hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
It ain't right. BOBBY: - That's new.
JAX: Yeah. TIG: - Jax?
You got to see this in the garage, man.
HAPPY: - Phew. JAX: - Oh, snap.
TIG: I checked the stickers.
They're brand-new.
All of 'em are going to Bernacchi Harley in Butte County, Jax.
CHIBS: Wow.
What do you want to do, boss?
JAX: What you're supposed to do when you find stolen merchandise.
Call the police.
(Chibs laughs)
LOWEN: Sorry, no deal, all right?
PATTERSON: Understood.
LOWEN: Thank you.
(woman speaks indistinctly over PA)
PATTERSON: Time to go hood, sister.
(woman speaks indistinctly over PA)
Tell your lawyer I'll be moving up the trial date three weeks.
And I'll be prosecuting the case myself.
See you in court, Doctor.
(train whistle bl*wing)
PLYMPTON: Pagone?
What the hell's going on?
TOFER: PJ!
PAGONE: In here.
PLYMPTON: Shit.
JAX: No need for g*n, boys.
We're all friends now.
PAGONE: They made me call you.
JAX: Yes, we did.
We also took pictures of all these vehicles, just in case we need to return them to their rightful owners.
TIG: Did you know that these are the bikes that you said were stolen?
And we found them all here.
I mean, how crazy is that?
PLYMPTON: What do you want?
JAX: First of all, leaving all this shit here-- that's just stupid and lazy.
BOBBY: Yeah, if you're gonna go outlaw, boys, use half a brain.
I mean, you're making us all look bad.
CHIBS: Which one do you want, Juicy?
JUICE: This one is good.
JAX: He's gonna take Liberace's bike.
Don't worry.
We'll change the numbers ourselves.
What I need you to do is make sure that none of the shit that happened today comes back to bite us in the ass, or all of this goes very public.
PLYMPTON: Okay. Yeah.
JAX: And... I need you both to apologize to all my guys for your behavior today.
TOFER: You got to be kidding me.
(Tofer grunting)
JAX: Do you think I'm kidding?
PLYMPTON: Sorry for my behavior today.
TOFER: Sorry for my behavior today.
TIG: Yeah.
PLYMPTON: Sorry for my behavior today.
(Bobby laughs)
BOBBY: It is good to be back.
TOFER: Sorry for my behavior today.
PLYMPTON: Sorry for my behavior today.
TOFER: Sorry for my behavior today.
PLYMPTON: - Sorry for my behavior... JAX: - Get home safe.
(motorcycle engine revving) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "06x06 - Salvage"} | foreverdreaming |
(loud expl*si*n)
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
PATTERSON: What the hell happened last night?
ROOSEVELT: Teller indicated it was about ending a relationship. My guess, he pissed off his supplier.
PATTERSON: IRA-- they love to blow up shit.
GAALAN: The council is prepared to offer you terms for your betrayal. Clay will be handling the distribution of our g*n in Northern California. You wanted out? That includes profit as well.
JAX: I'll cut Connor and your other guys loose.
ROARKE: They're still alive?
JAX: I told you, I didn't want a w*r.
TARA: I might need your help. I'm filing for divorce. Asking for full custody.
UNSER: Well, who gets the boys if you go inside?
WENDY: Hey. I heard about the expl*si*n. Is everyone else okay? Gemma? You should check up on her, build the trust. - Yeah, okay.
GEMMA: What's your connection to Nero?
VENUS: Nero was the one who took me in. Kept the wolves from my door.
ROOSEVELT: I know that you want to find leverage to tie Nero and the Sons to the school sh**ting, but he did not k*ll Erin Byrne.
PATTERSON: We won't know that until we get the DNA. Padilla gets processed. m*rder charge sticks. Time to go hood, sister. Tell your lawyer I'll be moving up the trial date three weeks. And I'll be prosecuting the case myself. See you in court, Doctor.
TARA: I got to get out of here, Jax. There's just too much anxiety in my first trimester.
JAX: You've been recruiting for SAMCRO?
BOBBY: Yeah. Quinn, Montez and West. It's because I love this club. And I love you.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
_
♪ ♪
(music ends)
JAX: Three months up front.
Appreciate you letting us set up here.
JACOB: How long you need it?
JAX: I'm not sure.
We still don't know if we're gonna be able to rebuild at TM.
Might be a total tear-down.
JACOB: b*mb will do that.
The whole town is spooked, Jax.
The council meeting next week, there... folks are talking about how to get rid of the MC.
BOBBY: Well, it's a good thing the mayor has veto power.
JACOB: Yeah, for a minute.
Shit went down with Charming Heights, I'm done after this term.
It means you got, uh, about three months to buy some good will.
JAX: I know.
JACOB: If this block wasn't half empty, I'd never be able to get you in here.
BOBBY: This block is half empty because you're buying them all out for 50 cents on the dollar.
So who's the real bad guy here?
JACOB: Yeah, it might be me.
I thought I was bringing opportunity to the city.
JAX: Where are we at with our "opportunity"?
JACOB: We'd be breaking ground next month if Damon Pope hadn't been m*rder.
By your president.
BOBBY: No. Former president.
JAX: Pope Enterprises is still on board.
JACOB: Yeah.
But the transfer of power has slowed everything down.
And your maintenance contracts don't kick in until the equipment's rolling, and that might be another six months.
JAX: Okay.
Thanks.
(knocking on door)
TARA: Hi.
Those the files?
MARGARET: Yes. This should be everything.
TARA: Okay.
Oh.
Thank you.
MARGARET: You okay?
TARA: Yeah.
I'm sorry, with the trial pushed up, everything is moving so fast.
MARGARET: It's okay.
TARA: Thank you.
I know I've put a lot on you.
Things I've had no right to ask.
MARGARET: We've been through a lot together, Tara.
I know you.
I've been where you are.
I thought a lot about all this last night, and I can imagine how extreme it must feel to you.
But you have to stay focused on the big picture.
TARA: Dire circumstances require desperate measures.
MARGARET: Yes, they do.
♪ ♪
RAT BOY: Jax, I think we're close.
JAX: Let's do it!
Let's set up.
BOBBY: Home is where the reaper is.
JAX: Let's get the guys up here.
BOBBY: Yeah.
PATTERSON: Ms. Rodriguez, I assume you've fully explained the charge to your client?
RODRIGUEZ: I think we're all up to speed.
PATTERSON: You think?
It's not that complicated.
A young prost*tute turns up d*ad?
NERO: Escort.
PATTERSON: Yes.
DNA evidence found in his truck.
RODRIGUEZ: The physical evidence doesn't match up with my client's whereabouts at the time of the crime.
We have alibis, including a priest.
PATTERSON: Ah, and a biker queen.
They sort of cancel each other out, don't you think?
RODRIGUEZ: Hmm, are you here to make an offer or you just gonna insult Mr. Padilla?
PATTERSON: Your client is a repeat felon.
His rap sheet is filled with g*ng-banging, as*ault, drug charges...
RODRIGUEZ: All of which happened more than a decade ago.
PATTERSON: Yes, now he's a legitimate businessman.
Running a brothel that fronts as an escort service.
NERO: Everything I do is completely legal.
PATTERSON: - Even m*rder? NERO: - I didn't k*ll that girl.
RODRIGUEZ: Enough. We're done here.
PATTERSON: No, we're not.
I'm willing to trade your m*rder for five others.
I want Jax Teller and the Sons of Anarchy.
Testify that the MC sold you the KG-9 that wound up in the hands of Matthew Jennings and you'll walk away... back to your legit business.
And more importantly, your son.
This will be my one and only offer.
You have 24 hours.
(knocking on door)
(lock buzzes)
JAX: Welcome to the new clubhouse.
I wanted our first order of business to be voting in our new patches.
Before I do that, I think it's only fair they know exactly where the club is at.
As far as the Irish go, it looks like the peace is real.
I'm gonna cut Connor loose today, make sure everything moves forward with Clay.
Bobby can walk us through our sad financials.
BOBBY: Yeah, they are pretty sad, I'm afraid.
Looks like it's gonna be a while before we get the green light to open TM.
And even once we do, my guess, it's gonna be pretty slow for a while.
As far as the maintenance contract for Charming Heights goes, looks like's not gonna happen until the fall.
So we have Diosa.
That helps, but we are paying Nero back straight out of the profits, so... it just ain't putting out much.
JAX: Yeah, Colette and her girls are a little spooked by Nero's bullshit arrest, so the Diosa expansion in Stockton's on hold until I can convince her otherwise.
Let's just keep looking for ways to earn that don't put us in the f*re.
If you guys come up with any ideas, please... bring 'em to the table.
You guys good with all that?
QUINN: Good.
MONTEZ: Yeah. I get it.
WEST: I'm good, brother.
JAX: Okay.
Allesandro Montez, Orlin West, Rane Quinn... Letters are good.
They're free to jump charters.
All in favor of making these three men Redwood Original... Yea!
ALL: Yea!
JAX: Opposed?
Welcome to SAMCRO, boys!
(whooping)
WEST: Yeah!
(conversing indistinctly)
TIG: Quinn, welcome to Crow, man.
CHIBS: - Quinn... WEST: - All right!
Thank you, man.
CHIBS: Brother. Welcome, brother.
JAX: There's one more name I want to put on the table.
Rat Boy.
It's been almost a year since he put on the prospect patch, and I think he's shown us a lot.
He's smart, he's loyal, fearless, works like a dog, and unlike most of you gossip whores, he knows when to shut up.
(all laughing)
As his sponsor, I think he deserves a full patch.
So... all in favor of making George Skogstrom a member of Redwood Original... Yea.
ALL: Yea.
JAX: Opposed?
Go get him.
TIG: Hey, Rat!
Hey!
Get your skinny ass up here!
RAT BOY: Yeah?
JAX: Sit down.
RAT BOY: What... at the table?
TIG: No, on my dick.
Yeah, at the table.
JAX: Take off the cut.
On the table.
I need you to cut off that prospect rocker.
CHIBS: Hey.
Replace it with this, young brother.
(laughing, whooping)
JAX: Yeah, buddy.
You're in, son. RAT BOY: - Thanks, brother.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ you're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ a perfect line ♪
♪ on the devil's bed ♪
♪ until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ in the eye ♪
(engines rumble to a stop)
JAX: You know my VP, Chibs.
AUGUST: Hey, how you doing?
JAX: Bobby Munson, my consigliere.
AUGUST: Good to see you all again, gentlemen.
BOBBY: Yeah, you too.
AUGUST: Glad everyone's whole.
I mean, you weren't kidding about things getting messy with the Irish.
JAX: Yeah. We were lucky.
AUGUST: Well, what happened?
JAX: Historical shit.
BOBBY: They are very pissed off.
AUGUST: - Losing distribution? JAX: - Yeah.
And my suggestion about how to fill the void.
AUGUST: Ah... I guess the Irish Kings ain't as racially open-minded as the MC.
JAX: - Yeah. CHIBS: - Aye, something like that.
AUGUST: How we gonna fix that problem?
JAX: We're working on something.
I'll bring you in the loop as soon as I know more.
Connor Malone. Irish number two, stateside.
AUGUST: Cutting his ass loose?
JAX: Yeah. I'm tired of blood for blood.
AUGUST: - You're learning, son. BOBBY: - Yes, he is.
(August chuckles)
AUGUST: Wait to hear from you.
CHIBS: Good luck.
BOBBY: Good to see you.
(Jax sighs)
TIG: - How'd that go? JAX: - He understands.
BOBBY: For now.
JAX: I'm sending you home.
My guys will drive you up the coast.
Kings are sending someone to meet you in Mendocino.
CONNOR: I'm... glad to hear that.
JAX: August Marks.
One of the reasons your crew tried to blow us to hell.
(Connor sighs)
JAX: Tell Gaalan I'm honoring his demands.
We'll run the g*n through Clay.
But we all know that plan's a risk.
If it falls through, I want the Kings to know that Marks is still willing to distribute.
Tell them that.
CONNOR: Aye.
I'll pass it along.
CHIBS: You two.
Make sure they get there whole.
JUICE: We will.
HAPPY: See you tomorrow, boys. Let's go.
CONNOR: Oh, Filip.
Thank you.
CHIBS: Don't thank me, Con.
I want you d*ad.
He's the reason you're alive.
JUICE: Let's go.
GEMMA: Your lawyer offer any hope?
NERO: She's advising me to take a deal.
She said proving that I was set up is a... a fight that I probably can't win or afford.
GEMMA: Shit.
What's the deal she wants you to take?
NERO: What do you think, mama?
Patterson wants the g*n source.
Got a day to decide.
GEMMA: What you gonna do?
GUARD: Padilla, one minute.
NERO: I'm gonna think about you.
New perfume?
GEMMA: Oh... (laughs)
No.
Not mine.
It's a friend of yours.
Venus. She came by Diosa.
NERO: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You met my girl, huh?
She came by there with a client?
GEMMA: No, a shiner.
She got some... some kind of family problems.
Her mother. NERO: - Alice? Shit.
What now?
GEMMA: Oh, honey, you got enough on your plate.
NERO: No, no, no. Venus... she's familia.
What happened, Gem?
GEMMA: Oh... I guess, um, Alice got custody of Venus's nephew and now she's worried about the kid.
NERO: - Her nephew? GEMMA: - Yeah. Joey.
NERO: - Ah. GUARD: - Time's up, Padilla.
NERO: Jesus Christ.
That's, uh... GEMMA: - What?
GUARD: - Let's go. NERO: - Watch it.
Gemma, you gotta get that kid away from Alice.
Okay? I mean, she's bad. She's gonna hurt that boy.
GUARD: - Let's go. NERO: - Seriously.
Ask Jax to help Venus.
Okay?
Will you do that for me? Please?
GEMMA: - Yeah, yeah, okay. GUARD: - Come on.
NERO: Please.
ROOSEVELT: DNA from Toric's room could be back as early as tomorrow afternoon.
You know, Nero's lawyer's gonna be all over it.
PATTERSON: I'll press the OG for his decision before then.
ROOSEVELT: - You think he'll bend? PATTERSON: - I doubt it.
Didn't factor in Teller's mother.
Ties are twisted tight in that bunch.
Doctor won't budge, either.
Need someone from outside the family circle.
ROOSEVELT: You know, I followed Teller and Padilla to a house in Stockton the other day.
Seaport. Bumped into an ex-cop, Barosky.
PATTERSON: Oh. What did that shark want?
ROOSEVELT: Well, he wasn't too happy that I was cruising the block.
I think he was headed to the same house.
He runs the port, doesn't he? PATTERSON: - He thinks he does.
Charlie Barosky's a product of every slimy loophole in our criminal justice system.
Look into him.
Maybe there's a connection with the MC or the Byz-lats.
(door opens)
(door closes)
JAX: Huh.
TIG: Maybe she's here for the banana split.
What?
Hi, baby.
JAX: Why?
GEMMA: She came to Diosa looking for Nero.
It's a family problem. She needs help.
JAX: Then let her family handle it.
GEMMA: Nero is inside because of us, Jax.
He asked us to help her out. We owe him.
JAX: Mom, we are on everyone's radar right now.
We got to keep the circle closed.
GEMMA: She's in trouble.
Venus is like family to Nero.
And he's family to me.
So just-just hear her out.
VENUS: So, I-I-I have this nephew, and he's 15 years old.
He's a sensitive thing.
His mother passed while I was away.
And I-I've just now become aware that...
JAX: Wait. Your sister?
VENUS: Yes, my sister Lula.
And the-the-the boy, Joey, has fallen into the very precarious care of my mother Alice.
She unfortunately was documented as the "Next of kin."
GEMMA: Yeah, Nero says she's really bad news.
VENUS: Oh, Alice is a 24-hour network of bad news.
Abuse abounds within the walls of that house.
BOBBY: What kind of abuse?
VENUS: Um, the kind that never leaves you.
I was, um... ten years old when my inclinations began to dominate my gender direction.
And my mother Alice, she would get me drunk and, um... and lovingly try to, uh, straighten me out.
Um, I'm...
Her husband at the time began filming the experiment, and, uh, that's when it all began.
I-I was, um... before long, having more sex than my hooker mama.
And, uh, and in turn helped her launch a very, very, um, lucrative child p*rn service.
Needless to say, young Vincent Noone did not want to host many slumber parties when he was a child.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
VENUS: I-I tried to reason with my dear mother yesterday, in hopes of getting Joey out of there.
But I-I did not possess the adequate resources to convince her.
GEMMA: How big is your mother?
VENUS: Oh, she's of a similar build.
Although gravity has not been her friend.
It was her latest spousal diversion, however, who showed me the door.
Miss Alice has the uncanny ability of attracting consorts who are equal parts dim and dangerous.
JAX: Mr. Dim and Dangerous have friends?
VENUS: A few. Of equal size and intelligence.
CHIBS: So, darling... what should we do with your nephew once we get him out?
VENUS: He can emancipate in a few months.
And I have some very dear friends in Seattle who can watch him until then.
Boys, I'm-I'm sorry, but I'm...
I'm literally at your mercy.
JAX: Hey... I guess I'm just a sucker for a pretty face.
VENUS: Oh, Jackson... Jackson, thank you.
Thank you so much.
LOWEN: It would deny Gemma any kind of custody, or unsupervised visitation.
TARA: - Can she fight this? LOWEN: - She can try.
Some of it's creative language, but most of it is based on legal precedent.
If the parents deem a grandparent unfit, they can petition for their exclusion from the child's upbringing.
TARA: Good.
LOWEN: This has no weight without the signatures of both parents.
TARA: I know.
LOWEN: And, uh, you think Jax will sign it?
TARA: Yes, I do.
(knocking on door)
UNSER: Oh, hey, Doc.
TARA: Hi.
UNSER: Um, sorry, I didn't know you were...
TARA: No, it's okay.
UNSER: Hello, Counselor.
LOWEN: Mr. Unser. Uh, if you need anything, leave me a message. I'll be in court the rest of the day.
TARA: Thank you. Thanks for coming by.
UNSER: Oh, yeah, sure. How can I help you, sweetheart?
TARA: Come on, I'm gonna go check on the boys.
UNSER: Okay.
TARA: Are you still friends with that city clerk in Lodi?
UNSER: Yeah. Why?
TARA: I need to get a restraining order.
BAROSKY: - Thank you, Rhoda. RHODA: - You're welcome.
BAROSKY: - Fresh baked. PATTERSON: - Thanks.
Glad to see you're up and running. Heard about the drive-by.
BAROSKY: Yeah, thank God that kind of shit is a rarity in this neighborhood.
PATTERSON: That's right. Thanks to you.
Charlie supplements his retirement funds by acting as a bit of a regulator.
BAROSKY: I'm a river to my people.
ROOSEVELT: Do those people include Jax Teller and Nero Padilla?
BAROSKY: What do you want?
ROOSEVELT: Padilla was arrested yesterday for the m*rder of one of his girls.
PATTERSON: And I know Teller's crew supplied the KG-9 that was used at the Aquino sh**ting.
BAROSKY: - Then why are you talking to me? PATTERSON: - Come on, Charlie.
You might've been dirty, but you were a very smart cop.
There's no direct line to the MC.
I need leverage. BAROSKY: - So press the OG.
ROOSEVELT: Oh, right now, he's feeling a little loyal.
PATTERSON: We checked the city records, found out about Diosa del Sur.
Padilla and Teller applied for an escort license in your hood.
ROOSEVELT: At the house I saw them at the other day.
BAROSKY: I'm aware. That don't mean I'm involved.
PATTERSON: Then get involved.
Because I need something and you're gonna get it for me.
BAROSKY: Really? Now, how in the hell am I gonna do that?
PATTERSON: Because you're a scumbag.
You'll have no problem finding dirt.
And if you don't, I'm gonna spend my ever-dwindling resources inconveniencing every last one of your retirement funds.
(door opens, bells jingle)
(door closes, bells jingle)
JAX: Hey, wait here.
Lead the way.
VENUS: - I hate this house. GEMMA: - Come here, darling.
VENUS: You're a very kind person, Gemma.
GEMMA: Thank you.
MAN: Oh, Christ.
TIG: No, no, no, Fabio. Lady wants a word.
VENUS: We're here for Joey.
MAN: - Alice! VENUS: - Hey, Joey.
MAN: - tr*nny's back. JOEY: - Hey, Aunt Venus.
MAN: - Brought some friends. MAN 2: - Alice!
VENUS: - What are you playing? ALICE: - Stop shouting. I can hear you.
Oh, Lord Jesus.
Are we really gonna play this game, Vincent?
Joey, go to your room. JOEY: - Why?
MAN 2: Do what your grandma says.
VENUS: Joey, you need to come with me.
JOEY: I'm supposed to be staying with Grandma.
VENUS: Please, sweetheart, this is not a safe place for you.
ALICE: Don't listen to the mutation, Joey.
It'll fill your head with lies.
VENUS: Joey, I'm telling you the truth, okay, baby?
I want you to take my hand. We need to go.
Aunt Venus will explain everything to you, okay?
ALICE: Be very careful, Aunt Venus.
Telling the truth-- that can unravel so many ugly things.
VENUS: Mama, don't.
(voice breaking): Please.
Don't do this today.
Not here. Please?
(Alice yells)
VENUS: - Don't you ever touch me, bitch!
MAN 2: - Back off! TIG: - g*n!
JOEY: Grandma, what the hell was that?
Why does he have a g*n? ALICE: - Shut up and move.
JOEY: Where we going?
MAN 2: - Get off of me! TIG: - Stay or I'll cut you.
(men grunting)
VENUS: Boys, stop it! She's getting away!
(engine revving outside)
VENUS: Let's go!
MAN 2: You ain't ever getting your son back, you lady-boy freak.
JAX: - What's he talking about? VENUS: - Will you go, please? Just go!
GEMMA: Go left!
JAX: The truth. Now.
VENUS: His mother Lula-- She was my best friend.
I was 21 and still discovering my womanhood when-when we both got drunk and coiled in a clumsy act of confused love.
Joey was the result.
(horn blaring)
VENUS: Lula raised him in Seattle. I would send money every month.
Aunt Venus would visit whenever she could.
JAX: Why didn't you just tell us he was your son?
VENUS: An agreement we both mutually accepted.
We did not want him to know.
GEMMA: - He is your son. VENUS: - I am aware.
MAN: Let's go, let's go, let's go!
VENUS: Look, he's a boy with some troubles.
A bit of a half-formed soul.
Confusing him with the reality of his father turned auntie did not seem like the right thing to do.
(grunts)
VENUS: g*dd*mn it!
JAX: - Jesus Christ! GEMMA: - Venus!
VENUS: Hah!
ANDY: Go now!
VENUS: I'm sorry!
TIG: What the hell, baby?
JAX: Shit!
BOBBY: You okay?
JAX: - Yeah. CHIBS: - Mom, you all right?
GEMMA: - Yeah, I think so. CHIBS: - How you doing, darling?
VENUS: I'm overheated, but in one piece.
JAX: What the hell is the matter with you?
VENUS: I'm sorry, Jackson.
I'm afraid Vincent's rage has become uncorked.
JAX: Well, at the risk of where this might go, please, put the cork back in!
VENUS: - Okay. GEMMA: - We better get out of here.
BOBBY: They lost a plate.
JAX: Call Barosky, see if he can pull an address.
TIG: - Because...? JAX: - We lost Alice.
It's the only chance we're gonna get at finding this kid.
VENUS: You mean you're still gonna help me even after all that?
JAX: No more Vincent.
VENUS: No more Vincent, I promise, I promise.
JAX: You take Gemma home. We'll see if this goes anywhere.
BOBBY: - You sure? JAX: - Yeah.
GEMMA: All right, you keep my boys safe.
VENUS: I will, sweet mama.
Thank you, Gemma. Thank you.
BOBBY: Come on. Let's go, sweetheart.
CHIBS: Not quite the day you were expecting, eh, boss?
JAX: Uh, no, brother, it's not.
(Chibs sighs)
UNSER: Oh, there you go.
WENDY: - Let me smell it... UNSER: - Here you go.
(Abel laughs)
WENDY: You like it?
(Abel laughs)
MARGARET: - Ready? UNSER: - He likes it.
MARGARET: We need to do this.
TARA: Okay. I know. Just...
MARGARET: Time for that meeting.
WENDY: Yeah, okay.
TARA: Hey, there.
UNSER: Is, uh... everything all right?
TARA: Yeah.
Did you have any luck?
UNSER: Yeah.
Here's the, uh, DV-100.
Just needs the offending party and signatures.
I'll run it back.
TARA: Thank you.
UNSER: Want to tell me who it is that needs restraining?
I need to know what you're doing, Tara.
TARA: You will. It'll all make sense.
(kisses gently)
ABEL: Bye-bye, Mommy.
BAROSKY: I'm afraid to ask.
JAX: That's good, 'cause I don't really have an answer.
BAROSKY: Registered to Happy Carousel, Suite 119.
JAX: Do you know this place, Happy Carousel?
VENUS: Uh, no, no, but that was the name of their portrait studio.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
Carousel's only happy when when the kids ride naked.
CHIBS: Three. One, two, three.
Hey, hey, hey, Venus!
VENUS: Joey, Joey, Joey.
Joey! Joey!
Joey, baby?
TIG: You getting this?
VENUS: She drugged him.
JAX: Tig, check the rooms.
VENUS: Hey, baby, come on... Aunt Venus is here.
BAROSKY: Editing home movies.
TIG: Do you want some water?
VENUS: Please. Will you see if they have a napkin or something?
Hey, baby.
(footsteps approach)
CHIBS: Jackie.
TIG: Heads up-- visitors.
TIG: Come on. In.
CHIBS: In.
Get in, you piece of shit! In!
ROD: Hey, whoa, whoa, man. We ain't armed.
ALICE: Well, aren't you resourceful?
TIG: - No, no, Venus! BAROSKY: - What the hell?
JAX: Whoa, Venus. Come on, darling.
TIG: Don't do it, baby.
CHIBS: Put it down.
JAX: You get out.
And that kid is coming with us.
Get the hell out, now!
Get out.
ALICE: - What're you gonna do, Vincent? JAX: - Get out of here.
ALICE: Raise him as your own? Give him a bright future?
JAX: - You, too, Alice. ALICE: - When I'm ready.
You don't deserve a son.
I had a son once.
Then he forgot who he was, deserted his family.
Turned into a freak of the fringe.
You go ahead.
You tell that sweet boy all about his daddy.
How much you love him, want the best for him.
It won't matter, because when he finds out what you are, he's gonna grow up hating you.
Hating your lies.
Hating the life you forced him into.
And hating himself.
This boy's gonna blow his brains out before his balls completely drop.
Not 'cause of me, or his d*ad mama... but because of you.
The awful thing that turned out to be his father.
(Venus panting)
ALICE (on video): Just give it a little kiss, Tommy.
MAN (on video): Yeah, that's good. It'll only hurt for a minute.
BAROSKY: God!
Shit.
If you hadn't k*lled that bitch, I would've.
JAX: What about the others?
BAROSKY: I'll have my guys track
'em down, make a hard point.
See that they never come back here again.
You did this hood a service.
JAX: - What about her? BAROSKY: - I'll take care of it.
My treat.
JAX: Guess handsome Jack owes you another.
TIG: It's all clean.
VENUS: I think he's starting to wake up.
JAX: We'll take you to Diosa. He shouldn't see any of this.
VENUS: That would be best.
JAX: You should tell him the truth.
VENUS: I'm just not ready to lose him yet.
JAX: And how do you know you're gonna lose him?
He finds out what you did for him today, he's gonna be proud as hell of you.
VENUS: That is a very kind sentiment.
I'm afraid my lineage suggests something else, Jackson.
My family... we judge and we hate.
And when we have scorched every earth and we're all used up... we die... miserably.
I had to be reborn to escape that doom.
I just hope something comes along to liberate my son from that fate.
JAX: Yeah, I hope so.
GEMMA: I'm so glad you're back, sweetheart.
BOBBY: I never left, Gem.
GEMMA: I know, I know, I know.
I'll see you later.
BOBBY: Yeah, I'll be making sundaes.
(Gemma laughs)
GEMMA: - You waiting for me? WENDY: - Yeah.
It's Tara. You're not gonna believe what I just found out.
GEMMA: What?
WENDY: Well, I asked her about the will and this guardian shit.
And she told me that my commitment to the boys was wavering, and that she didn't think that I was responsible enough yet.
So she picked another person to become the boys' guardian.
Margaret Murphy.
GEMMA: Are you kidding? That ginger gash.
WENDY: And there's more, Gem. I think she's doing something else.
Her and that bitch lawyer are plotting something.
I think that she is gonna leave Jax, and try to box us all out... away from our boys.
You gotta stop her.
GEMMA: - Where is she? WENDY: - St. Thomas.
GEMMA: I need to talk to you... now.
You, too, Red-- outside!
MARGARET: We're eating dinner.
GEMMA: Yeah, well, you're gonna be eating your own teeth in a minute! Let's go!
TARA: What the hell is going on, Gemma?
GEMMA: That's exactly what I'm trying to find out.
Where's your lizard lawyer?
I understand you've been busy making arrangements for my grandkids!
TARA: Mm, yeah, I'm not having this conversation with you.
MARGARET: You better calm down or I'm gonna call...
GEMMA: - Stay out of my way! UNSER: - Gemma!
Gemma, stop it!
WOMAN: Somebody should call Security.
TARA: Okay, okay... Okay...
(gasping)
TARA: Okay.
(exhales)
(door opens)
GEMMA: What are you doing with Lowen? You divorcing Jax?
You planning on some kind of custody coup?
TARA: What I do with my family is none of your business.
GEMMA: They are my grandkids.
TARA: And I'm going to make sure they never suffer the same fate as their father.
Those boys will not be raised in Charming. They will not know this life.
And they will not know their angry and psychotic grandmother!
GEMMA: Bitch!
(Gemma screams)
TARA: You evil old whore.
(Gemma screams)
(Gemma panting)
GEMMA: You're lucky you're pregnant.
(Tara screams)
GEMMA: Jesus!
(Tara moans)
MARGARET: Tara?
TARA: - Oh my... (moans)
UNSER: - Tara?
(Tara sobbing)
UNSER: - What the hell? TARA: - She att*cked me.
GEMMA: What are you talking about?
(Tara sobs)
TARA: Oh, my... my baby.
GEMMA: Oh, my God!
(over PA): Code Gray, Administration.
Code Gray, Administration... TARA: - My baby... Look what you did.
GEMMA: I didn't do that.
(Tara sobbing)
MARGARET: Yes, you did. We all saw it.
NURSE: Dr. Knowles? Are you okay?
TARA (weeping): Get out!
Get out! Leave me alone!
I want my husband! I want Jax...
MARGARET: She's the one. Take her out of here.
SECURITY GUARD: Ma'am... Come on.
(Tara sobbing)
JAX: Oh, my God.
MARGARET: She wouldn't let anyone else help her.
JAX: What do you want me to do?
TARA: Nothing.
JAX: Oh, my God...
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
TARA: I lost our baby girl.
JAX: I know.
I'm so sorry.
TARA: I can't... I can't be around her anymore, Jax.
(sniffling)
(Jax sniffling)
JAX: I know.
TARA: She... she kicked me in the stomach.
What kind of sick person does that?
JAX: Why?
TARA: She thinks I'm still trying to take the boys away from her.
She's so... violent, Jax.
I don't even tell you half the things that happen.
JAX: I didn't know.
TARA: I don't ever want her near our children again.
JAX: I know.
TARA: Promise me.
JAX: - I will... TARA: - You promise me.
JAX: I promise.
Babe, I promise.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪ | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "06x07 - Sweet and Vaded"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
NERO: That boy that k*lled those kids at school-- he used a KG-9.
JAX: Ours.
NERO: Yeah.
PATTERSON: I'm willing to trade your m*rder for five others. Testify against the MC and you'll walk away, back to your legit business. And more importantly, your son.
TARA: Did you talk to Gemma?
WENDY: Yeah. Told her everything you wanted me to.
TARA: I need to get a restraining order. Thank you.
UNSER: Want to tell me who needs restraining?
(exhales)
GEMMA: What are you doing with Lowen?
TARA: What I do with my family is none of your business.
GEMMA: They are my grandkids.
TARA: And I'm gonna make sure they never suffer the same fate as their father. Those boys will not be raised in Charming. They will not know this life, and they will not know their angry and psychotic grandmother.
(Gemma screams)
GEMMA: You're lucky you're pregnant.
(screams)
GEMMA: Jesus!
UNSER: - What the hell? TARA: - She att*cked me.
Oh, my baby... GEMMA: - I didn't do that.
MARGARET: Yes, you did. We all saw it.
TARA: She k*lled our baby.
I don't ever want her near our children again.
Promise me. JAX: - I promise.
(teapot whistling)
(Thomas fussing)
(Jax sighs)
JAX: You should eat something, babe.
TARA: Mmm...
No, I can't.
JAX: I'll take the boys to day care.
You need to rest.
TARA: Thank you.
JAX: I have to check in with the club, but then I'll come home, okay?
TARA: Mmm. It's okay.
I'll be fine.
(kisses gently)
JAX: Okay.
TARA: What are you gonna do about Gemma?
JAX: Don't worry about her.
Restraining order keeps her away from you and the boys.
TARA: Who's gonna bail her out?
JAX: I don't give a shit.
(sighs)
(phone ringing in distance)
ROOSEVELT: Black, with lots of sugar.
The coffee. GEMMA: - Thanks.
ROOSEVELT: Mm-hmm.
GEMMA: Why am I still here?
ROOSEVELT: Well, you haven't given my sheriffs anything.
I need more information before I process you.
GEMMA: You got everything you need.
Eyewitness saw me kick my pregnant daughter in the stomach.
ROOSEVELT: Is that how it went down?
GEMMA: I'm the dirty biker whore with a record.
She's the good doctor.
Does it really matter what I have to say?
ROOSEVELT: I need your statement.
Tell me what happened.
(Gemma sighs)
GEMMA: Jax's ex found out that Tara was setting up a will, some kind of legal shit that would give custody of the boys to a stranger-- Margaret Murphy.
ROOSEVELT: - Administrator. GEMMA: - Yeah.
I went down there to confront Tara.
She baited me.
h*t me.
I checked myself and I did not h*t her back.
Then she threw herself on the edge of her desk, and started screaming that I kicked her in the stomach.
Hurt that baby.
ROOSEVELT: And the eyewitnesses?
GEMMA: Margaret Murphy and Wendy Case, Jax's ex.
They had to be part of it.
I know how this sounds.
ROOSEVELT: But why, Gemma?
Why would framing you be worth causing her own miscarriage?
GEMMA: To keep me away from her family.
I don't think she was ever pregnant.
♪
♪
Hey.
(starts engine)
♪
♪
RAT BOY: Bagger's out back. There's new plugs. It's all set, man.
JAX: Thanks, Rat.
BOBBY: How's Tara doing?
JAX: She'll be okay.
CHIBS: How're you?
JAX: I don't need to talk about it.
CHIBS: Aye.
JAX: Happy and Juice get back?
TIG: Yeah.
Yeah, Juice is on his way.
JAX: Look, the shit that went down between my mom and Tara was crazy.
BOBBY: It's not about that.
JAX: Get everyone here.
Chapel.
CHIBS: Aye.
_
NERO: You trying us in the court of public opinion, counselor?
PATTERSON: I have no control of what the press gets ahold of or how they spin it.
NERO: Right.
PATTERSON: Has your client made up his mind, Ms. Rodriguez?
RODRIGUEZ: You said 24 hours. We still have some time.
PATTERSON: Although it's just media speculation, I'm afraid this unfortunate leak is going to cause a great deal of outrage.
It'll force me to satisfy the people's need for action, which means diverting a heavy police presence into Byz-lat territory.
NERO: That's good.
Maybe you can get our garbage picked up on time.
PATTERSON: This squeeze will jam up your crew on every petty infraction.
Who knows, maybe we even pick somebody up who doesn't have your loyal fortitude and feels the need to save his own skin by corroborating this story.
Then... well, I guess I won't need you at all.
Ms. Rodriguez, you've got six hours.
I'd advise your client to act sooner.
Giving up the Sons of Anarchy is going to be a very popular get out of jail free card.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ you're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ a perfect line ♪
♪ on the devil's bed ♪
♪ until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ in the eye ♪
(knocking at door)
TARA: - Morning. UNSER: - Uh, morning.
Can you give me a minute?
TARA: Yeah, of course. Come on inside.
Can I get you anything?
UNSER: No, I'm-I'm good, thanks.
Where are the kids?
TARA: Jax took 'em to day care.
I'm just, uh, laying low.
UNSER: Yeah, of course.
Complicated time for all of us, huh?
TARA: Yes, it is.
Just say it, Wayne.
UNSER: I been replaying how it all went down yesterday.
Chewing at me all night.
I got you that restraining order request before everything happened.
TARA: Yes.
UNSER: Coincidence?
Oh. Part of the plan you couldn't share with me.
TARA: I needed to have protection in place.
We both know she's dangerous.
UNSER: So this att*ck of Gemma's, causing a miscarriage, that was all part of it?
TARA: Do you really want to know?
UNSER: I can't imagine you doing anything that might actually harm your own baby.
TARA: No, I wouldn't.
UNSER: - But all that blood... TARA: - What I did gives me legal precedent to separate my kids from Gemma and the club.
I know how brutal it seems, but it was the only way.
UNSER: She could get manslaughter.
TARA: Well, I don't want that.
UNSER: Well, then you better call Roosevelt and tell him you ain't pressing charges.
TARA: Even if I don't, the county can still press charges.
I'll have Lowen call... UNSER: - Gemma is locked in a cell, sitting with the weight of a d*ad grandchild.
Appreciate you making the call now.
I'll go talk to Eli, see if they're gonna charge her.
TARA: I did it to protect my kids, Wayne.
I know how much you care about her.
UNSER: I'm not upset about Gemma, Doc.
I'm upset about you.
Breaks my heart that you had to become something so wrong to do what you thought was right.
TARA: What are you gonna do?
UNSER: I ain't gonna tell her.
But I'm afraid that...
I can't help you no more.
(door opens, shuts)
(Jax sighs)
This is just a power play by the DA.
They've got nothing, so they're stirring shit up.
BOBBY: Yeah. Unfortunately, it hurts us here.
It's the last damn thing Charming needed.
JAX: I know. Talk to Hale, let him know it's bullshit.
See if he can help.
TIG: I'm more worried about the Byz-lats.
I am. They're already unraveled.
Nero's inside, that shit going down with Arcadio.
CHIBS: Aye.
We should head to Stockton, check in with Fiasco.
Make sure our brown brothers are level.
JAX: Yeah, okay.
Let him know we're coming.
CHIBS: Of course.
JAX: We got interviews today, too.
Caracara girls. BOBBY: - I can handle that.
(all murmur)
What?
I'm manager of operations.
JUICE: You totally just made that up.
(laughter)
BOBBY: They won't know that.
JAX: - How'd it go with Connor? JUICE: - Okay.
Kings are keeping him stateside.
Want us to start tying down our buyers for Clay.
What Hap's doing.
Connor knows he's alive because of us, Jax.
We talked a lot on the way up.
He's... he's a decent guy.
I think he'll be on board when we make the shift.
JAX: Good.
I appreciate your concern about my family.
You don't have to say anything. I can feel it.
I love you all for that.
Let's get to work.
ROOSEVELT: Gemma doesn't think she was pregnant.
Suggested Tara set her up.
UNSER: I wouldn't know.
ROOSEVELT: But you knew that Tara wasn't gonna press charges.
UNSER: - I... I had a feeling. ROOSEVELT: - Huh.
UNSER: Anything criminal on your end?
ROOSEVELT: What would you have done?
UNSER: If no one pressed charges, I'd handle it like a 10-16.
Let the family work it out.
Keep an eye on 'em.
ROOSEVELT: That what I should do?
UNSER: Oh, it's your jurisdiction, Sheriff.
Use your best judgment.
Tell Gemma I'll be downstairs if she wants a ride.
ROOSEVELT: And what makes you think that I'm gonna cut her loose?
UNSER: Uh, Tellers, MC... they're so deeply woven into the fabric of this town.
On some level, you know same way I did...
If you rip them out, Charming unravels, never looks the same.
WOMAN: - Hey, what's going on? MAN: - I don't know.
TIG: Juicy, let's take a walk.
Come on.
JAX: - Looks like they're on one. CHIBS: - Mm-hmm.
FIASCO: Yo, any word about Nero?
JAX: Nothing.
That's what this headline's about, man--
DA setting fires, hoping someone on the street jumps.
FIASCO: Yeah? We almost there, man.
Already got three dudes MIA.
The rest of these fools are spooked, and now I got the Triple Two's circling, homey? That ain't good.
CHIBS: Hey, listen, we can give you the manpower, help you push back the street beef. Good? GOMES: - Yeah, that'll help.
TIG: Hey! We got something, middle of the block.
One deep brown idling, just sitting there staring at us.
JAX: - Is he a cop? JUICE: - Gotta be.
By the looks of the ride, it's probably Vice.
GOMES: Shit.
JAX: That's what they're gonna do-- sit on us, wait for a mistake.
FIASCO: Yeah.
(Jax sighs)
JAX: Look, you got this until Nero gets out, you hear me?
It's on you.
We gotta keep shit tight here, man.
Both crews gotta keep our guys in line.
Let everyone know it all works out if everyone stays even.
CHIBS: No one breaks, no one talks. Got it?
FIASCO: Yeah, you got it.
TIG: He's rolling this way.
JAX: All right, business as usual.
(tires squeal)
TIG: Hey! Hey!
(tires squealing)
FIASCO: No! No! No!
Come on, man! You gotta get up!
JAX: Find something to wrap the body.
FIASCO: - Come on, man! JAX: - Juice, Juice, come on.
FIASCO: No! No! Oh! Ah! You gotta get up, dawg!
You gotta get up, dawg! You gotta get up!
QUINN: Fiasco, come on. He's d*ad, man. Come on.
FIASCO: Get off me, man!
QUINN: - Come on, man, he's... FIASCO: - Get off of me!
Who the hell was that?!
JAX: I don't know, brother, but we need to get out of here now.
Hey, go get your car, put him in the trunk.
TIG: - Wrap him up... FIASCO: - Wait, wait!
MAN: Are you serious?!
CHIBS: Well, you can't leave him in the street.
Let's go! QUINN: - Come on!
TIG: Jax, Jax, that was an old, blue '84-'85 LeSabre.
There's not a lot of those cars around, man.
JAX: All right, man. Hey, I need you to stay with these guys.
Take Gomes to Skeeter.
And then you put the word out.
Find that car.
CHIBS: Jackie, you should head home.
Go see your wife. We got this.
JAX: I'm good, brother.
CHIBS: Hey, hey... go. Let me take care of this.
I'll call you the minute we hear something. Come on.
JAX: All right, man.
Hey, thank you.
GEMMA: How'd you know I was getting out?
UNSER: Didn't know for sure.
What did Eli say?
GEMMA: Tara wasn't pressing charges.
He's still conducting his investigation.
He suggested I stay close.
I may not have earned this, Wayne, but I want to know the truth.
I promise I won't turn it on you.
Did you know about any of this?
UNSER: No.
I just know she's just doing what you would do.
Protecting her family from whatever...
GEMMA: Tara framed me for the k*lling of her unborn baby.
That pregnancy was bullshit. You know that.
UNSER: You want the truth or not?
Your control over those boys, your family... it ain't healthy.
GEMMA: I am just doing what any mother would do.
UNSER: Just let me finish. What drives you is bad history. It ain't real and it ain't what's best for those boys. I'm sorry this happened to you. I am.
You got a lot of love in you, Gemma. Sweet, deep love. I've seen it. But it's so wrapped around secrets and hate, I don't know if you can find it anymore.
GEMMA: So, what, I... I just let her destroy my life? Take away my family? Is that the payback for all the secrets and hate?
UNSER: You got a couple of roads in front of you, sweetheart. One of 'em is... real slow and probably very uncomfortable, but eventually leads back to those boys.
GEMMA: And the other one?
UNSER: It's the road you're already on.
LOWEN: Judge filed your restraining order. It'll be served to Gemma's house today.
TARA: And the custody waivers, they in place?
LOWEN: Yes. The case we've built, I doubt any court would award custody to Jax or Gemma.
TARA: Good.
(Lowen sighs)
LOWEN: - I have to ask you... TARA: - So this is... this account is from the sale of my father's house, so I'll still be able to pay you when we file against Jax.
LOWEN: That is not what I was going to ask.
TARA: I know. But that's what you should be focusing on.
Doing your job.
LOWEN: I need full disclosure, Tara.
That's how I can defend you best.
TARA: Plausible deniability and payment is how you defend me best.
You should go.
LOWEN: Tara, I know what you did.
TARA: You can show yourself out.
(door closes)
(ragged breathing)
TARA (quietly): Stop it. You stop it.
PATTERSON: - Send him in. AIDE: - Yes, ma'am.
PATTERSON: Thanks for coming to see me, Charlie.
BAROSKY: Least I could do, you springing for the private car and all.
PATTERSON: I assume you read the bad news about your business partners.
BAROSKY: Yeah. Some very creative coverage.
Harvey Levin would be proud.
PATTERSON: This is a proposed redistricting of our city resources to cope with our current fiscal issues.
That's my request for law enforcement.
This puts the port under the jurisdiction of the sheriff's department, which means all your cronies will have to find another way to supplement their paychecks.
BAROSKY: I know I'm just an old, dirty dinosaur.
Probably just half as smart as I think I am.
But I doubt you'd be giving me a heads-up about all this, which means, currently... that's just a thr*at.
PATTERSON: An hour ago, a homeless couple up by the old Hobart plant saw a bunch of g*ng members and guys on motorcycles.
They fit a familiar profile.
Then one of them ran down one of the bangers, crushed him, dragged the body, threw it into the trunk of a car and they all took off.
I want you to find out who it was and why it happened.
(knocking at door)
AIDE: Gloria Rodriguez on line two-- said it's urgent.
PATTERSON: Okay. Show Mr. Barosky out.
We're done.
BAROSKY: What if I can't find anything?
Then this is no longer a thr*at... it's a heads-up.
JAX: Tara?
Babe, you home?
(phone buzzing)
(phone keypad beeping)
BAROSKY: Hey. You on a burner?
JAX: Yeah. What's going on?
BAROSKY: Patterson pulled me into her office this morning.
I'm standing in a men's room right now, stalling before my police escort takes me home.
JAX: About the headline?
BAROSKY: Yeah, that and that h*t-and-run this morning.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
BAROSKY: She's crushing me, kid.
She's thr*at to bring in the sheriffs to police the port, and that steps on everybody's game.
JAX: What does she want?
BAROSKY: For starters, that driver who ran down your banger buddy this morning.
JAX: And what does she know?
BAROSKY: Nothing. She just knows it happened.
She wants me to fill in the blanks.
Listen, I'm swinging in the breeze here, handsome Jack.
I gotta give her something.
You owe me one, kid.
JAX: My guys are looking for the driver.
BAROSKY: - I need him. JAX: - All right, I'm heading there now.
I'll let you know when we get a h*t.
BAROSKY: Get it soon.
(light knocking on door)
WENDY: Hey, I, um... I was looking for Tara.
JAX: She's not here.
What do you want?
WENDY: I was there yesterday, at the hospital.
I just wanted to check on her.
JAX: You don't need to do that.
And don't come to this house again.
WENDY: What are you gonna do?
Bang another speedball in my arm?
JAX: I'll do whatever I have to do.
WENDY: I don't doubt that.
Look, Jax, I know how much you love your sons.
And-and I know that everything you do, good and bad, is about taking care of them.
JAX: Not really looking for your approval, Wendy.
WENDY: I'm not the enemy, Jax. I want the same thing you want.
JAX: You don't know what I want.
WENDY: For your son to grow up without hate in his heart.
That's what I want.
I'm tired of being hated.
(jail door lock buzzes)
PATTERSON: Where's Ms. Rodriguez?
NERO: I told her I needed to talk to you alone.
PATTERSON: You don't have time to play this game, Mr. Padilla.
NERO: No game. I'm ready.
I'm ready to give up the source of the KG-9.
PATTERSON: I'm listening.
NERO: You know about my son Lucius?
PATTERSON: Yes. I'm aware of his condition.
NERO: His condition...
I want him moved to the best facility in the state.
He gets the best care available. For the rest of his life.
PATTERSON: I can arrange that.
NERO: I want to end up someplace near him, so he can visit.
PATTERSON: If you cooperate, he won't have to visit you in jail.
NERO: Yeah, he will.
It wasn't Teller who supplied the g*n, it was me.
I bought the KG-9 off the street, some journeyman dealer.
Never seen him before.
I gave it to Darvany Jennings for protection.
Matthew... must've found the g*n.
I'm responsible for the death of those children.
RAT BOY: - Hey. TARA: - Hi.
RAT BOY: - You looking for Jax? TARA: - I guess.
RAT BOY: Um, he had to head into Stockton.
BOBBY: Stay for a minute, all right?
I got this, Rat.
RAT BOY: All right.
BOBBY: Good to see you.
TARA: Yeah, you, too. I don't want to interrupt.
BOBBY: Oh, no. I need a break.
The IQ's are overwhelming me.
TARA: Looking for a counter girl?
BOBBY: Yeah, something like that.
TARA: Thanks.
BOBBY: - Mind? TARA: - No. Please, go ahead.
BOBBY: How you feeling?
TARA: All right, I guess. A little sore.
BOBBY: I don't know what happened between you and Gemma.
I guess it's none of my business.
But I do feel like I know you both pretty well.
And if there is anything you need me to do...
TARA: I appreciate that.
It'll work itself out.
BOBBY: Oh, yeah, yeah. Always does.
TARA: Do you think he can do it?
Move SAMCRO into legitimate business?
BOBBY: It's always easy to move, just hard to stay there.
You know, Jax is still trying to figure out how to be king.
When he settles into that, he'll do what's best for the club.
The run we've been on the last couple of years, almost any direction is a better direction.
You think he can do it?
TARA: It doesn't matter what I think.
I'm just an old lady.
Thanks.
BOBBY: Look, Doc... don't give up on him.
Jax is someone who needs to be with someone.
Always been that guy.
We're up against it here.
I honestly don't know if we're gonna make it.
But he ain't got a chance without you.
TIG: We found the car, Jax.
Down there, end of the block.
JAX: Do we know who?
CHIBS: - Well, he ain't a cop. JUICE: - Local dude.
Guess he used to roll with Camino Muerto.
TIG: Yeah, and they ain't been around for years, bro.
JAX: You think he's working OG for someone else?
TIG: Ah, nobody knows.
CHIBS: But we got a problem. Fiasco put the call out.
JAX: - Oh, shit. TIG: - Yeah.
They want to knock the door down and blow his brains out.
CHIBS: You know what? Maybe we should back away from this one.
JAX: No, there's a better way.
DA pressed Barosky about the h*t-and-run this morning.
thr*at to undo his Port control if he doesn't give 'em something.
CHIBS: All right, so he gives her the driver.
JUICE: Yeah, but we don't even know who this guy is.
JAX: Whoever he is, it ain't about us.
Barosky feeds her to the cops, puts this guy out of commission, we keep our relationships intact.
CHIBS: Aye, makes sense.
What do we do about the, uh, three amigos over there?
JAX: Nothing.
Just keep 'em calm till we hear sirens.
(Chibs clears throat)
What's up, man?
Hi, Lieutenant Roosevelt.
Moore tells me you picked up Teller's mother on a domestic last night.
ROOSEVELT: - Yeah. PATTERSON: - What happened?
ROOSEVELT: Family dispute got physical.
Doctor Knowles miscarried in the att*ck.
PATTERSON: Jesus.
Are these people just godless?
ROOSEVELT: I don't know.
This is the report from Lee Toric's hotel room.
They found trace DNA from blood on the linoleum.
Belongs to Erin Byrne.
Toric k*lled her.
Not Nero.
PATTERSON: It's very sad.
We meet the end we deserve, I guess.
ROOSEVELT: Yeah.
So... do you want me to cut loose Padilla?
ROOSEVELT: Nero Padilla admitted to supplying the g*n to Darvany Jennings this morning.
ROOSEVELT: And the MC?
PATTERSON: No. He said he bought the KG-9 on the street.
ROOSEVELT: But you know he's lying.
PATTERSON: About where he got the g*n, yes.
But Padilla's far from innocent in this crime, Lieutenant.
ROOSEVELT: You know, I get that.
But you're leveraging a confession with a bogus m*rder charge.
You don't think his lawyer's gonna take a look at this report?
She'll get him to claim coercion.
They'll throw out the confession.
ROOSEVELT: I'm putting together a deal that will give his son a better life, in return for his full admission.
ROOSEVELT: And that makes it okay?
PATTERSON: I get the sense he's a man looking for a penance, and I'm gonna give him one.
That's my job... to look at the greater justice, Lieutenant.
That's what this is.
ROOSEVELT: Yeah, okay.
PATTERSON: What happens to Mrs. Teller?
ROOSEVELT: I cut her loose for now.
PATTERSON: You think that's wise?
ROOSEVELT: The facts were unclear.
Things didn't add up.
I guess I was looking at the simpler justice.
Guilty or not guilty.
You have a good day.
JAX: All right, Barosky's gonna feed the intel to the DA.
We should clear out.
JUICE: What's this about?
JAX: Oh, shit, they're taking him.
TIG: Hey!
JAX: Fiasco!
Fiasco!
Bro, what the hell are you doing?!
We need to bounce now!
FIASCO: This ain't your business, Teller!
This guy's a d*ad man!
(man yells)
(man screams)
Get on that bitch! Let me see that face!
Look at me, huh? Do you remember me, huh?!
You jacked with the wrong crew! JAX: - Stop! Stop!
FIASCO: I'm gonna put a hole through you like you did to my homeboy!
Look in my eyes! Look at me!
JAX: - I said stop! TIG: - No! Guys, guys!
JAX: His kid was at the the school.
FIASCO: What the hell are you talking about?!
JAX: - His kid! FIASCO: - What?
JAX: Is this your boy?
FELIPE: It was... you piece of shit!
You guys gave that freak the g*n!
He k*lled my baby boy! TIG: - Aw, shit, man.
JAX: Look, man, we just found out the cops know about the h*t-and-run.
They're on the way here now.
You want to k*ll this guy, house full of evidence?
Your car's parked outside, dude.
FIASCO: Shit.
So now what?
We just let him go?
TIG: His baby boy was g*n down, brother-- d*ad.
I mean, he blames us for that. What would you do?
JUICE: g*dd*mn headlines did this.
(Felipe groans)
TIG: It's for your own good. Come on.
Let's get out of here. CHIBS: - Aye.
(Fiasco speaks Spanish)
JAX: - Come on. Come on. TIG: - Let's go. Come on.
JAX: I'm sorry.
(sirens approach)
(tires screech, sirens stop)
(car doors open, shut)
OFFICER: Drop the Kn*fe!
Sir, put down the Kn*fe.
OFFICER 2: - You heard him! OFFICER: - Listen to me.
Sir, don't stand up. Sir, drop the Kn*fe!
OFFICER 2: Put it down now!
OFFICER: Oh, shit! James, get an RA!
OFFICER 3: Get a medical response right away!
Get 'em on the radio! Hurry up!
OFFICER: g*dd*mn it. Give me a towel!
OFFICER: Let's go!
EMT: That's 43. We're on scene.
Getting to the house.
OFFICER: He s*ab himself. He's d*ad. g*dd*mn it!
PATTERSON: Give me that.
Oh, my God.
WENDY: I... I didn't know you would... be out yet.
GEMMA: I'm out.
Can we, uh... go inside and talk?
(Wendy sighs)
WENDY: Just do whatever you're gonna do, Gemma.
GEMMA: What'd she promise you?
Some kind of... custody, visitation deal?
WENDY: Does it really even matter?
GEMMA: I'm the one who's supposed to be hopeless here, sweetheart.
Was any of it true?
The newcomer att*ck?
Wow.
Tapping into my r*pe rage to bond.
Brilliant.
Your idea or Tara's?
WENDY: - I'm not gonna do this.
Oh, it's too late for that, darling.
It's already done.
Tara's very smart.
Very ambitious.
But she's not blood.
I don't know how, but eventually Jax is gonna realize what she's done.
And the question for you is... when he finds out the truth, what side of the fence do you want to be on?
WENDY: I'm starting to realize that, uh... I lose either way.
GEMMA: Oh, no, it doesn't have to be that way.
You backed the wrong horse.
I'm giving you a chance to change your bet.
Help me prove what she's done.
WENDY: And what?
You're gonna be the one who gives me time with my son?
GEMMA: No.
I'll make sure Jax doesn't k*ll you.
Think it over.
WENDY: Gemma...
You should take this.
Will you take that, too? Please?
(Wendy sighs)
GEMMA: You're gonna have to get rid of that on your own, sweetheart.
Prove to me that you can be trusted.
To be a good mommy.
(sobbing)
JAX: We had no idea who the guy was.
BAROSKY: Patterson's gonna want my balls in a paper cup.
JAX: I'm sorry.
(Barosky chuckles)
BAROSKY: Ah, it serves that bitch right.
This shit's on her, man.
Leaking that story.
Kind of wish I was there to see her face.
JAX: So what are you gonna do?
BAROSKY: Play her game.
She may want to cut off my balls, but she knows that I know the truth.
And this is one headline she ain't gonna want leaked,
"District Attorney Forces Victim's Daddy to Slit His Own Throat."
CHIBS: That's very catchy.
BAROSKY: No worries. You did good, Prez.
JAX: Yeah.
Charlie.
What'd you do with Alice?
BAROSKY: The thing that should happen to every pedophile.
Chopped, b*rned and buried.
JAX: I shouldn't have k*lled her.
BAROSKY: Don't worry about it, kid, I'm not gonna use it against you.
Unless I have to.
CHIBS: Let's go home, my brother.
JAX: Yeah.
JAX: - What are you doing here? GEMMA: - I know.
I got the restraining order, but I just... I had to see you.
JAX: I've got nothing to say to you.
GEMMA: But I gotta say this to you.
I did not hurt Tara.
I didn't cause that miscarriage.
I would never... JAX: - You're a liar.
And you're a sick, twisted bitch.
GEMMA: You hate me all you want... but I'm telling you the truth.
JAX: Let this eat into your brain, Mother...
You're never gonna see my wife.
And you will never see those kids again.
Grandma is d*ad.
♪ ♪
(breathing shakily)
(door lock buzzes)
NERO: This your deal for Lucius, I want my lawyer here for this.
PATTERSON: Open it.
NERO: What is this?
PATTERSON: You're trying to do right by your kid?
I want to do right by these. NERO: - I am doing the right thing.
PATTERSON: No, you're not. You're too proud, too stupid to do the right thing.
If you cared about these kids, you'd tell me everything. The whole truth.
NERO: I don't know where you're going with this, but I ain't saying another word to you without my lawyer.
PATTERSON: You don't need a lawyer.
Toric k*lled Erin Byrne.
PATTERSON: You hold on to these.
And you think about them every time you visit Lucius.
And know that if we believe in the same God, debts will be paid.
(knocks on door)
(door lock buzzes)
He's free to go.
(Tara sighs, laughs quietly)
JAX: Do you ever regret it?
Coming back?
TARA: A lot of things I'd do differently.
(Tara sighs)
But no.
He makes it all worth it.
Do you?
JAX: I sometimes wish you'd come back five years sooner.
Or five years later.
I'm lost here, Tara.
I'm trying to put it back together, but...
I don't know if I can.
TARA: I know.
JAX: I just feel so far away from you now.
I know that's my fault.
Please, just tell me, how do I get back?
TARA: I'm not sure.
JAX: Babe... please let me back in. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "06x08 - Los Fantasmas"} | foreverdreaming |
NERO: Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
CLAY: Donation for the Cacuzza charity fund. And a case of Glocks for your trouble.
CACUZZA: Yeah, that works.
GEMMA: What are you doing with Lowen?! You divorcing Jax? You planning on some kind of custody coup?!
TARA: What I do with my family is none of your business.
GEMMA: Bitch!
(screams)
GEMMA: - Jesus!
UNSER: What the hell?
TARA: My baby... Look what you did.
GEMMA: I didn't do that.
MARGARET: Yes, you did. We all saw it.
TARA: I don't ever want her near our children again. Promise me.
JAX: I promise. You will never see those kids again. Grandma is d*ad.
PATTERSON: You know it's not you who deserves to be in jail. Full immunity for the proof of the g*n running. It's the only offer you'll get.
TARA: I don't need to think about an offer.
JAX: I'm here to make you an offer. Gaalan O'Shay-- I will deliver him with a shipment of g*n, open and shut.
PATTERSON: What's in it for you?
JAX: Immunity for the MC for all g*n charges past and present.
PATTERSON: I figure you also have a personal request.
JAX: You need to look at Tara's case again.
NERO: I think that you should go back, take another look at what happened.
Find the truth in all of it.
JAX: You think my wife is a liar?
GEMMA: Stop it! Stop it!
Honey, it was all a lie, the pregnancy the miscarriage.
Tara wants out, Jax, from you, the club.
This is the truth.
And if she won't tell you, you need to find someone who will.
JAX: Is Tara divorcing me?
LOWEN: Yes.
JAX: And taking my sons.
Get out!
LOWEN: Tara, it's Ally Lowen.
(door shuts)
TARA: Thomas?
Oh, God.
Abel!
JAX: You should let him sleep.
TARA: Hi, sweetie.
JAX: There'll be someone watching you.
Don't try to take them anywhere.
TARA: What are you gonna do?
JAX: I don't know.
I can't see anything right now.
But if I don't put some distance here, someone's gonna get hurt.
(door shuts)
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
_
(groans)
♪
♪
♪
♪
(sobs softly)
♪
♪
TYSON: Your lawyer say why?
CLAY: Guess the judge wants to get out ahead of all the bad press been falling on my club.
TYSON: Ain't easy pulling a jury that ain't been exposed to all that shit, man.
CLAY: - Yeah, I know. TYSON: - Whew. Man.
ELIAS: What the hell happened?
CLAY: Shrink double-dipped, gave me to the guard I went off on.
ELIAS: How'd you land back in gen pop?
CLAY: They yanked me out to have a chat with my lawyer.
My trial's been moved up.
Yeah, they cart me off to county tomorrow.
ELIAS: Shit.
That's a problem.
CLAY: Yes, it is.
You tell Gaalan. You have him reach out to Jax.
ELIAS: You able make to those business calls?
CLAY: Yeah, it's all in play.
And, uh, had my lawyer get my old lady down here.
I'll take care of all my personal shit.
But you tell Gaalan he has got to make this happen tomorrow, all right?
Pope was capital.
That guilty verdict can send me anywhere.
And then all this goes away.
ELIAS: I'll pass it along.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ a perfect line ♪
♪ on the devil's bed ♪
♪ until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ in the eye ♪
(knocking)
TARA: - Yes?
MARGARET: It's Margaret.
TARA: Hi.
MARGARET: I saw the boys were in daycare, was hoping you might be here.
TARA: Yeah.
Just looking at... lawyer résumés.
MARGARET: Why? What happened?
TARA: Jax knows the truth.
He thr*at Lowen, and she... told him everything.
MARGARET: What did he do?
TARA: Oh, he didn't hurt her.
Me, either.
And I don't know what pushed him at Lowen.
MARGARET: Gemma.
She came here yesterday.
Said she knew I forged documents to help you.
thr*at to tell the hospital.
She was bluffing, but my response was, uh, too cavalier.
I... She knew I was protecting you.
TARA: What happened?
MARGARET: I told her she couldn't prove anything.
She said she didn't have to, that her son would.
She just needed a more reliable source than a junkie.
Wendy must have talked.
I was afraid to go home last night, Tara.
I told Dave that I had to work through the night.
And I... I stayed here, where I knew there were guards.
TARA: No, no, Jax-Jax got his information from Lowen.
I really doubt he'd bother you.
MARGARET: I can't take that chance.
I'm sorry.
Um, I've got three weeks of vacation and comp time, and I'm gonna take 'em.
I'm gonna go stay with my sister in Sedona.
TARA: I understand.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
MARGARET: Please be careful.
NERO: Hey.
Wasn't sure if you'd make it.
JAX: I'm here.
COLETTE: Showed up this morning.
Diosa Del Sur Escorts and Massage, officially in business.
JAX: Ah, that's great.
COLETTE: Yes, it is.
Thank you, gentlemen.
I'm not sure what happened, but no more fighting.
JAX: I'll have Lyla come sit down with the girls. Get their info.
Make sure we have everyone's W-9s.
COLETTE: Weed out anyone who's not up to Diosa's very high standards.
JAX: Something like that.
You, um, you want me to put this someplace, sweetie?
JAX: No. I got it, darling. Thank you.
Just gonna crash here for a few nights, if you don't mind.
COLETTE: Of course not.
Come on.
Put your stuff in my room for now.
JAX: Appreciate that.
COLETTE: Any reason why you're not sleeping at home?
JAX: Uh, you don't wanna know.
COLETTE: You're probably right.
BOBBY: - Hey. JAX: - Hey.
What's going on?
GEMMA: I got a Clay thing.
CHIBS: We've got an Irish thing.
COLETTE: Use my office.
GEMMA: Gemma Teller.
COLETTE: Colette Jane. Pleasure.
GEMMA: That's what I hear.
Clay wants to see me.
Lawyer says he can get me in this afternoon.
JAX: Did he say why?
GEMMA: (sighs) Papers he wants signed.
Something like that.
It's probably just an excuse for a sit-down.
JAX: What's going on with the Irish?
It's okay. He knows most of it.
CHIBS: Okay. Gaalan's in town.
Says we have to see him.
Nor-u-Bev, 20 minutes.
BOBBY: Got any idea what it might be?
JAX: No.
HAPPY: We should get going, the bridge is gonna be jammed.
JAX: I got something I need to tell you and Nero.
TIG: You want us to split?
JAX: No.
I want you to hear this, too.
I talked to Lowen last night.
I got some truth about what happened with Tara.
She was never pregnant.
Tara set up my mom... made it look like a miscarriage so that I would sign off on Gemma never becoming legal guardian of our sons.
She wants to divorce me.
She wants full custody, and she was gonna split.
BOBBY: Jesus.
What about jail?
JAX: Well, if she served time, she was gonna make sure Wendy became guardian and that she got my sons out of Charming.
I'm sorry I didn't believe you.
GEMMA: How could you?
I'm so sorry, honey.
JAX: - Sorry, man. NERO: - I know, mano.
It's okay.
CHIBS: What do you want to do, brother?
JAX: I got West watching Tara right now... making sure she doesn't go anywhere.
None of this makes sense to me right now.
I just think I need a couple days, figure it out.
BOBBY: She doesn't know West.
Might be better if she had a familiar face behind her.
Keep her motivated to stay close to home.
JUICE: I can watch her.
JAX: Yeah, okay. Thanks.
TIG: We're here, man.
Let us know if you need anything.
JAX: All right, let's get out of here.
You handle this?
NERO: Yeah, I got it.
JAX: I'm sorry.
Be careful with Clay.
GEMMA: I'll be fine.
Be careful with the butcher of Belfast.
JAX: We'll try to stay in one piece.
COLETTE: I'll see you later.
JAX: Yeah, you will.
GEMMA: How long has he been dipping into that?
NERO: Not long.
Hey, he's working out his mommy issues.
(Gemma sighs)
GEMMA: How 'bout you, pimp daddy?
You want to work out some mommy issues?
NERO: Hey, that's why I'm with you, mama.
(Gemma chuckles)
I may spank that brown ass.
NERO: Be careful.
GAALAN: Consider it handled. We'll talk when it's done.
They're here now.
CONNOR: Jackson.
Thanks for coming on such short notice.
JAX: Yeah. So what's so important?
GAALAN: It's all about the timing, son.
Heard Clay made his calls.
JAX: Yeah, everyone's locked down except the Italians.
Cacuzza's undecided.
GAALAN: That's your biggest customer.
Three families, two territories. JAX: - I know.
He's weighing an offer from the Chinese.
CONNOR: I thought Jimmy was loyal to Clay?
JAX: He is.
BOBBY: He's just trying to make us do a little dance for their business.
CONNOR: So when do you talk?
HAPPY: We're on our way from here.
Cacuzza's meeting with us first, then the Lin family.
JAX: I figured we'd show him some of the new mods.
GAALAN: Already assembled.
Got nine cases of the AK's with the new scopes and grips.
We can bring 'em to the meet, help you close the deal.
JAX: That's okay. I'll get Cacuzza on board.
GAALAN: No doubt. But just take Connor.
Shows respect, lets them know how much we value their business.
CONNOR: Makes sense.
I'll let you run it.
GAALAN: No time for discussion, son.
We need to close the deal today.
JAX: What's the big rush?
GAALAN: Why I asked you here.
Clay's trial has been moved up.
They transport him tomorrow.
JAX: Aw, shit.
GAALAN: Aye. It complicates our plan.
Gonna need some help.
JAX: We're not part of taking down that transport.
GAALAN: I have the vehicles, the route, the plan.
It'll happen without a hitch.
I can't get a crew here in time.
Need about six of your men.
JAX: And what if we say no?
GAALAN: You really can't, Jackson.
Take it to your table, have one of your votes.
But we both need this to happen.
Moves g*n forward for us, puts 'em behind you.
JAX: I'll get you an answer.
GAALAN: Have a few more details to lock down.
Then I can bring you all up to speed.
JAX: Yeah, okay.
CHIBS: So what, what do we do about Clay?
JAX: I don't think we have much of a choice.
BOBBY: We don't have time to take it to the table.
If we don't want to do this, we gotta find somebody who will.
HAPPY: I'll call TM, get the vote.
TIG: Jax, Gaalan, Gaalan's a lunatic, but he's smart, man.
No matter what the plan is, they're not gonna put themselves at risk.
JAX: I know. That's the problem.
Irish will die before they get caught.
CHIBS: Aye. And if this shit goes sideways, they're gonna blast a very bloody way out.
JAX: (sighs) We're so damn close.
I don't want our last push out of g*n to end in a pile of d*ad cops.
TIG: It won't, brother.
(Jax sighs)
HAPPY: Yeah, I know, I know.
HAPPY: Uh-huh. All right.
All right, mate.
Talked with everyone, they're good with helping the Irish.
BOBBY: Okay. Looks like we're in.
(Chibs sighs)
CHIBS: Door's almost shut, brother.
(motorcycle engines start)
WENDY: Yeah, yeah, e-either one would be good.
Nothing sooner? Okay.
No, no, no, I can't. I did.
Okay, okay, okay, thanks. Just forget it.
(knocking)
Shit!
TARA: I know you're in there, Wendy.
(Wendy sighs)
WENDY: Hey. What's going on?
TARA: I know you told Gemma everything.
What do you think happens now, hmm?
To both of us?
WENDY: Can't be any worse than anything that's already happened.
TARA: Jesus Christ.
Are you high?
WENDY: No.
I'm just trying to get on the other side of it now.
TARA: Jax... knows everything.
Do you know what that means?
He'll have the claim against Gemma thrown out.
And she'll get custody of my boys if I go to jail.
WENDY: I'm sorry.
TARA: No.
What were you thinking? WENDY: - I wasn't.
TARA: What the hell does that mean?
WENDY: It means, Tara, if I were capable of being a mother, I never would've agreed to help you.
Because it was wrong.
TARA: Yeah, well, your Hazleton hindsight doesn't help me right now!
WENDY: Yeah. Thanks. I-I get it.
Look, I don't wanna use again.
I-I'm just trying to get myself into a sober living or a rehab or anything.
God, Tara, you gotta come clean.
Just talk to Jax, talk to Gemma.
TARA: They already know the truth.
WENDY: They don't know your truth.
Tell them why you really did this.
Let them see the pain that you've been in.
TARA: And then what? Beg them for forgiveness?
WENDY: No. Just stop lying.
It's the right thing.
TARA: Everything I did was right.
WENDY: Tara, I'm sorry.
TARA: Will you stop it?! You are not sorry!
Do you know why you're not capable of being a mother?
Because you're a coward!
I'm not afraid of them. Not anymore.
WENDY: What is that supposed to mean?
TARA: Means you're a stupid, weak junkie.
JUICE: Shit! Crazy bitch!
JAX: Jimmy.
CACUZZA: How are you, man?
JAX: Ah, we're okay. Not too thrilled about having to put on a g*n and pony show.
CACUZZA: I know. But I got a lot of years sitting around my table, too, Jax. Aldo's known old man Lin since before you were born. I gotta honor that, talk to Henry and his uncle, at least hear what they gotta say.
(car doors shut)
Irish?
JAX: Yeah. Yeah, they wanted to be here. Show respect.
GAALAN: Mr. Cacuzza.
JAX: Gaalan O'Shay, Connor Malone.
CONNOR: Pleasure.
CACUZZA: Gentlemen. Made quite a commute for the sales call.
GAALAN: We think your business is worth it.
CACUZZA: Wow. I should do this more often.
You guys are great for my esteem.
What do we got?
JAX: g*n you know, Glocks are full auto.
Got the extended clips.
AK's are original Russian stock.
Fully updated, new action, quick load.
CACUZZA: - Military handles? GAALAN: - Aye.
Absorb 50% more recoil.
JAX: It's the new ElCan scope.
BOBBY: Yo, Jax, Chinese.
GAALAN: Try the scope. It can split a Protestant hair from three blocks away.
CACUZZA: Ah, a good Catholic boy.
Yeah, that feels good.
GAALAN: They work even better on flesh.
CHIBS: Put it down! Down!
JAX: Chibs, don't!
LIN: Go! Go! Go!
(man speaks Chinese)
Go, go, go!
CACUZZA: What the hell was that?!
GAALAN: That was just me letting you know how much we want your business, Jimmy.
Apologies for the blood, but a strong message was needed.
I'm sure you can understand the importance of that.
CACUZZA: Mm. What message was that?
GAALAN: We're the only source for g*n in Northern California. Lin knew that.
That kinda undermines the free market strategy that we were attempting here.
GAALAN: We've better g*n, better price.
CACUZZA: Did you know this was going down?
JAX: No. This wasn't the way I planned to get your business, Jimmy.
GAALAN: You've been paying 20% above cost.
I'll drop it to ten for the next year while Clay makes the transition.
After that, it tops out at the 18%
CACUZZA: This is gonna upset some of my people.
GAALAN: 10% for 18 months.
Then it jumps to 15.
CACUZZA: Two years at
10%, then it jumps to 12.
GAALAN: Fair enough. Do we have a deal?
CACUZZA: Yeah. I think I can make everyone understand.
GAALAN: Excellent.
Throw the body in the car.
We'll get it.
Did you discuss the new arrangements with your table?
JAX: Yeah. We're good with that.
But this shit?
This is a complication.
GAALAN: No, it's not.
Gentlemen, been a pleasure.
CONNOR: I didn't know this was coming.
Sorry.
CACUZZA: Your partner knows how to close a sale.
JAX: Yeah. I'm sorry.
Now you know why we're getting out.
CACUZZA: Don't sweat it, kid.
I was never gonna go with the chinks.
JAX: Try to get ahold of Lin or the old man.
We need to clean this shit up.
CHIBS: Trust me, I'm on it.
TIG: There's no way Lin's gonna believe we didn't plan this.
BOBBY: We burn the Chinese, things are gonna jump off in Oakland.
HAPPY: Then what happens?
JAX: Then we lose the balance.
(brakes squeal)
I just got a call from Wendy.
Tara went to her place.
Uh, very pissed off.
Said she seemed unraveled.
GEMMA: What does that mean?
UNSER: I don't know, but we just sent Rat to pick up Juice and his bike.
Tara backed over him to the lose the tail.
NERO: - Damn. GEMMA: - Where are the boys?
UNSER: - They're still in day care. GEMMA: - Juice okay?
UNSER: Yeah, he's just pissed.
GEMMA: All right, tell Rat to take Juice down to St. Thomas.
Keep an eye on those boys. UNSER: - Yeah.
Uh, I think I better be the one to go look for Tara.
I think you should check on Wendy.
She didn't sound so good.
GEMMA: High?
UNSER: Uh, sick.
GEMMA: No, you got to go check on Wendy. I got to go see Clay.
UNSER: - What do we do about Tara? GEMMA: - Let her unravel.
NERO: Maybe I should go with you, talk to Wendy.
Junkie to junkie.
GEMMA: - Yeah, if you want. NERO: - I'll drive.
UNSER: In that?
NERO: Come on, Wayne, I'll get you in touch with your inner cholo.
UNSER: I had that removed with my spleen.
It's a little cancer humor.
NERO: Right.
UNSER: I'll call Rat.
GEMMA: Just a heads up... he's kind of in love with me.
Have fun.
(g*n clicks)
(engine starts)
(keypad beeping)
(locks clicking)
GEMMA: I didn't know anyone was here.
(door closes)
TARA: What do you want?
GEMMA: Coming by to get some of the boys' things.
Just in case they need to spend some time at Grandma's.
TARA: Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
GEMMA: Really?
And what is it you think is going to happen, Tara?
TARA: You know why you hate what I did so much?
Because it's something you would've done.
You've been my teacher, Gemma, my...
(sighs) old lady coach since I came back to Charming.
Thought you would've been proud of me.
Pushing the envelope to protect my family.
GEMMA: Yeah, there's a lot of things I'd do to protect my family.
Faking the death of a baby-- that ain't one of them.
TARA: Guess I misjudged you.
I didn't realize you had a line that couldn't be crossed.
GEMMA: Seems you misjudged everyone, darling.
That's why you're all alone.
TARA: Get out of my house.
GEMMA: Or what?
You gonna run me over?
Your bridges are all burning, Mom.
I'd think you'd be trying to make as many friends as possible.
TARA: I don't need friends. I have my family.
GEMMA: You honestly believe that, don't you?
(chuckles softly)
How'd you think this was gonna play out?
Best case scenario, your plan worked.
You divorce Jax, either you or Wendy take those boys on up to Oregon or wherever.
Did you really think Jax was gonna let that happen?
TARA: He'd have no choice.
GEMMA: Do you have any idea who your husband is? What he's capable of?
TARA: I know him better than you do.
GEMMA: Oh, no.
Clearly you don't.
My son loves deep... hates deeper.
It's in our genes.
Betrayal is unforgivable.
What you did, what you were planning to do-- there's no coming back from that.
All you can do now is tell him you're sorry and go away.
TARA: I'll never do that.
Not without my sons.
GEMMA: You need to hear this, Tara.
And understand it on every level.
Thomas and Abel will not be raised by you.
What you do now will determine how we deliver that message.
Mommy moved away... or Mommy passed away.
Your call.
(door opens)
(door closes)
CHIBS: Couldn't connect with Lin or the uncle.
Tried the restaurant, the warehouse.
Nothing. JAX: - Okay.
Well, I'm gonna make sure that tomorrow's job doesn't end up in a 44-minute g*n with 200 sheriffs.
CHIBS: How do you think this one plays out, brother?
BOBBY: I don't know, man.
It's hard to unplug when everybody depends on you for the power.
(phone ringing)
PATTERSON: Yes?
I have Jax Teller on the line.
PATTERSON: - Put him through.
Line two.
(line clicks)
PATTERSON: Mr. Teller, how can I help you?
JAX: We got our license for Diosa Del Sur today.
Thank you.
PATTERSON: You're welcome. Now it's your turn to deliver.
JAX: I'll give you Gaalan O'Shay within the next 48 hours.
PATTERSON: Can you be a little more specific?
JAX: I'll meet you tomorrow, give you all the details.
Can you prove your end?
PATTERSON: I've drafted an immunity deal for you and the club.
Had my team set up a plea agreement for Tara.
There's some fines, community service, but no jail time.
JAX: Good.
Gaalan will have a large, well-armed crew.
You're gonna need manpower and lots of it.
I'll tell you where and when to send them tomorrow.
(line clicks)
BOBBY: Think she'll take the bait?
JAX: Depends what it is.
CHIBS: Okay, boss, where to?
JAX: Colette's.
NERO: So, uh... you know Gemma since she was, like, a kid, huh?
UNSER: Yeah.
NERO: She as crazy then as she is now?
(chuckles)
UNSER: I guess.
NERO: Jax's ex, this, uh, Wendy-- sh-she been clean for a while or...?
UNSER: Yeah.
NERO: She grow up here in Charming?
UNSER: No.
NERO: So I guess the cancer's eaten away that part of your brain that can actually hold a conversation.
UNSER: No, it's eaten away at my patience for people I don't give a shit about.
(Nero scoffs)
NERO: For the record, someone talks to me that way, I usually grab their ass out of the car and throw them an appropriate b*at-down.
UNSER: Guess I'm getting a pardon on account of my sickness.
NERO: Hey, look, I've been d*ad twice, I've been cut open three times.
I got a kid with spina bifida, probably won't make it till he's 15.
So your cancer, it don't mean shit to me, man.
I'm trying to make an effort here because I know how much Gemma loves you.
Trust me, I know how hard it is to earn that.
UNSER: Thanks for making me feel like shit.
NERO: No problem, holmes.
(chuckles)
HAPPY: Left side!
JAX: Jump off!
(truck horn blaring)
(tires screeching)
(a*t*matic g*n)
(tires screeching)
JAX: Shit!
CHIBS: - Jax! Are you okay?
Pick him up!
(men shouting)
Behind you. TIG: - Shit!
Jackie...
JAX: Put 'em down. Put 'em down.
CHIBS: - All right, all right. JAX: - All right.
(Lin shouts in Chinese)
JAX: We got no control over what Gaalan does!
Psycho just cut two of my guys into pieces and blew up our g*dd*mn clubhouse!
We got the cartebusiness with Henry.
Why would we okay the Irish to take him out?
LIN: Relax.
If I wanted you d*ad, I could've k*lled you six times already.
JAX: Well, what the hell do you want?
LIN: You're getting out of the g*n.
We should have that business.
The cartel shipments have been grinding to a halt.
We need the street. This is our territory.
We own it, we deserve it.
JAX: It's not that simple, sir.
LIN: Then let me dumb it down for you, son.
The only way any of you walk away from here is if you shut down the Irish pipeline and my family take control over the g*n in Northern Californ.
JAX: I guess I don't really have a choice, do I?
LIN: No, you don't.
And you close the deal when you tell me where I can find Mr. Gaalan O'Shay and their g*n.
I need to even the score after what they did today.
JAX: Gaalan's got a shipment coming in tomorrow.
Drop is at a new location.
I'll let you know when and where.
LIN: Okay.
But I'll entertain one of your men until then.
Keep everyone honest.
I like the crazy-looking one.
HAPPY: Get your hands off me!
JAX: I'm not letting you take one of my guys.
LIN: - Then I keep you. CHIBS: - Ain't happening!
TIG: - No, you're not! HAPPY: - I'm cool, boss.
You guys split.
I'll chill with old Wang Chung.
LIN: Tomorrow.
TARA: What are you doing here?
JUICE: I always come to a hospital when someone runs me over.
TARA: Tell Jax I don't need a watchdog.
(Juice sighs)
JUICE: I'm just keeping an eye on Abel and Thomas.
To make sure they don't go anywhere they're not supposed to.
A request of their grandmother.
TARA: - Where is he? JUICE: - I don't know.
TARA: Just tell me where he is, assh*le.
JUICE: Diosa. Stockton.
Meeting with his partner Colette.
Here. Let me get you the address.
UNSER: That's her car down there.
Wendy! You in there? It's Wayne.
NERO: That's smoke, man.
(Unser clears throat)
(sniffing)
UNSER: Oh, shit.
It's coming from inside.
Hey, Wendy!
NERO: Step back, step back.
UNSER: No, kick it... kick right there, there right.
NERO: All right.
(coughing)
Hey.
UNSER: Aw, man.
Oh, shit.
UNSER: Over here.
(Wendy coughs)
Hey!
Over here.
(Nero coughs)
She's breathing. We gotta help her.
Get her up there.
NERO: All right, come on. Come on.
(coughing)
UNSER: Come on, let's go, come on.
(coughing)
Ow. NERO: - Shit.
UNSER: Sit down, sit down, sit down.
(coughing)
Hey. Wendy.
Come on. Hey, kid.
Wake up, come on.
NERO: It ain't the smoke, man.
UNSER: What are you talking about?
NERO: Those are fresh.
UNSER: Oh, shit.
Hey.
I'm glad you were here.
NERO: Don't suck up to me now, homes.
It's, like, embarrassing.
(Unser laughs)
(door buzzes)
CLAY: Appreciate you making the trip, such short notice.
GEMMA: Yeah.
What's this?
CLAY: I had my lawyer draft something up quick.
It's a letter of intent.
Turning over assets to you.
My half of TM, house, bikes, whatever I got left in the bank.
GEMMA: Why you doing this?
CLAY: Well, 'cause when I drop out, I won't be able to file for divorce, you know?
This gives you everything without all the hassle.
GEMMA: Yeah.
Okay.
That all set?
Your drop out?
CLAY: We're working on it.
GEMMA: Well, I... I hope that all turns out the way you want it.
CLAY: Yeah, I'm sure it will.
GEMMA: Thank you.
CLAY: See you on the other side.
GEMMA: Yeah.
(door closes)
It's busy.
COLETTE: Business handled?
JAX: For now. How's things going here?
COLETTE: Good. We're all set.
I'm going to sit down with Lyla tomorrow.
Come up with a schedule.
JAX: That's great.
COLETTE: Yes, it is.
Make yourselves at home, gentlemen.
JAX: Go on, unwind. Tomorrow's a big one.
COLETTE: Come on. Time for you to unwind.
NERO: Hey. Looks like she was trying to get herself in rehab.
GEMMA: Wayne, pack her a bag.
UNSER: - Where's she going? GEMMA: - Rehab.
The If You Use Again I'll Rip Your Tits Off rehab.
NERO: I love that place.
GEMMA: Come help me.
NERO: - Hello... GEMMA: - Come on, babe.
WENDY: Hey... but where are we going?
GEMMA: Home, sweetheart.
Hi. Can I help you?
TARA: Um... yeah.
I'm looking for somebody.
Sure. What's her name?
TARA: Oh, it's not a... um... uh, Colette.
You know what? She's upstairs with a client right now.
But if you want to have a seat and relax, I'll let you know as soon as she's done.
TARA: - Thanks.
Yeah.
(Colette moans)
TARA: You son of a bitch.
(Colette screams)
JAX: Tara! Tara!
COLETTE: - Crazy... bitch! JAX: - Tara!
TARA: Get off!
You stupid piece of shit!
Get off of me!
Oh!
TIG: Go. I got this.
JAX: Yeah.
COLETTE: - Ah... TIG: - Ouch.
Are you okay?
COLETTE: Who the hell was that?
TIG: The wife.
JAX: Tara!
Hey! Tara!
TARA: - No, you... JAX: - What are you...
TARA: Stay away from me!
JAX: What are you doing with that?
TARA: Look what you did to me.
Oh, God.
What's happening to me?
What happened to me?
(Tara sobs)
(engine starts)
(Jax sighs)
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
(Happy laughing)
♪ ♪
(knocking at door)
PATTERSON: It sounded very urgent, Dr. Knowles.
TARA: - It is. PATTERSON: - Thank you.
Are you okay?
TARA: No. I'm not.
I'm ready to talk.
PATTERSON: Please...
About what?
TARA: I want your deal.
PATTERSON: - Are you in danger? TARA: - I don't know.
I just want to take care of my boys.
I want them in witness protection.
PATTERSON: Well, I'm sorry.
That deal's no longer on the table.
TARA: Please don't punish me.
I'm here without a lawyer.
I'll give you whatever you need.
This isn't about me.
PATTERSON: I can see that. I just can't offer that deal at this time. There are other things pending. Uh... If you fear for the safety of you and your boys, I can help.
TARA: No, you can't. Nobody can help me.
PATTERSON: Dr. Knowles. Tara! | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "06x10 - Huang Wu"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
JAX: Is Tara divorcing me? And taking my sons?
LOWEN: Yes.
JAX: The pregnancy... was it a lie?
LOWEN: Tara was just trying...
JAX: Get out!
WENDY: I'm sorry.
TARA: You are not sorry! Do you know why you're not capable of being a mother? Because you're a coward.
WENDY: What is that supposed to mean?
TARA: It means you're a stupid, weak junkie.
CLAY: Gaalan let me know that the offer for me to be the distributor's still on the table. They want to spring me out of here. Take down the transports bringing me to my hearing in two weeks.
GAALAN: Clay's trial has been moved up. They transport him tomorrow. Complicates our plan. Gonna need some help.
JAX: We're not part of taking down that transport.
GAALAN: We both need this to happen. Moves g*n forward for us, puts 'em behind you.
JAX: I'm here to make you an offer. Gaalan O'Shay. I will deliver him with a shipment of g*n, open and shut.
PATTERSON: What's in it for you?
JAX: Immunity for the MC for all g*n charges.
UNSER: Wendy!
(Wendy coughing)
NERO: Looks like she was trying to get herself in rehab.
GEMMA: Wayne, pack her a bag.
WENDY: Where are we going?
GEMMA: Home, sweetheart.
TARA: - I want your deal. PATTERSON: - I'm sorry.
That deal's no longer on the table.
There are other things pending.
If you fear for the safety of you and your boys...
I can help.
TARA: No, you can't.
(Thomas giggling, cooing)
TARA (whispering): Hey, you.
Good morning.
Yeah.
Yeah. Should we go check on Abel?
Let's go check on Abel.
(birds chirping outside)
(paper rustles)
Where is he?
RAT BOY: Work.
TARA: Could you please wait outside so I can feed my son?
RAT BOY: Sure.
TARA: When I drop them off at day care, who do you watch then?
RAT BOY: You.
But no day care.
Jax doesn't want them at St. Thomas anymore.
(door opens, closes)
PATTERSON: This is the immunity agreement.
It covers everyone in or associated with the MC.
And Tara's deal. As promised.
No jail time.
(train horn bl*wing in distance)
Now, they're both signed and approved.
They don't get ex*cuted until you deliver Gaalan O'Shay and the g*n.
JAX: There's an old maintenance warehouse out on the west end docks.
Kilmer Pier. They closed it down a few years back.
PATTERSON: I know it.
JAX: That's the drop.
Gaalan will be there with the g*n sometime between 11:00 and 1:00.
PATTERSON: With how many people?
JAX: Ten, maybe a dozen guys.
They're gonna be cautious and very well armed.
PATTERSON: Okay.
We'll talk after it's done.
JAX: You handle this with the sheriffs?
Or you bring in Feds and local?
PATTERSON: That's none of your concern.
(engine starts)
CHIBS: Think that helped?
JAX: I don't know.
Least I'll know I tried.
CHIBS: Yeah, you did.
(train horn bl*wing)
(door closes)
NERO: How's she doing?
GEMMA: Well, she's asleep now.
NERO: You know, all this stuff you're doing for her?
Great. Great.
(Gemma clears throat)
Mama?
Wendy's got to get herself into a rehab.
GEMMA: I know.
I'll make the calls.
We have rough history, me and her.
I was just trying to help her more than hurt her.
NERO: Mm.
GEMMA: For a change.
NERO: Hey, you think any of this mercy might ever be able to spill over into Tara's cup?
She's the mother of your grandson, Gem.
Come on, that shit ain't never gonna change.
GEMMA: I can't go there.
NERO: Oh. See, that deep...
(grunts)
I get it, uh-huh.
I know it.
My ex-- that bitch was sh**ting junk the whole time she was pregnant.
And the pain that Lucius has to live with... that's on her. Okay?
And...
I-I can chew that hate that I feel for her.
GEMMA: She's d*ad.
You're not.
NERO: Yeah, but I-I'm the one that's still got to live with all that shit.
'Cause I never made it right when she was alive.
GEMMA: I can't forgive her, Nero.
Not now.
NERO: Okay.
Okay.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ a perfect line ♪
♪ on the devil's bed ♪
♪ until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ in the eye ♪
ABEL: - Uncle T! UNSER: - Hey!
Hey there, you little monster.
(chuckles)
Hey.
TARA: Um, I have to go meet my new lawyer.
Would you mind watching them for a bit?
Apparently, I'm not allowed to take them to day care anymore.
UNSER: Yeah. Of course.
Oh, boy... you're getting heavy.
TARA: Where's Gemma?
UNSER: Uh... she ain't here yet.
TARA: Okay.
Thank you.
Come with me, big boy.
UNSER: Uh, Tara...
I'm sorry the way all this went down.
I know your heart was in the right place.
TARA: Unfortunately, where my heart is matters very little.
(engine starts)
CHUCKY: She seems really sad.
UNSER: Lot of that going around.
CHUCKY: It's not gonna get any better, is it?
UNSER: Not today, Chucky.
(engines roaring)
GLENDER: Lowen brought me up to speed on everything, both on and off the record.
TARA: Good.
GLENDER: If there is anything that, uh... maybe she didn't know about, now would be a good time to tell me.
TARA: No.
GLENDER: Okay.
I'm prepared to execute the divorce and custody paperwork, but you need to understand the risk here, Dr. Knowles.
These transcripts about your husband?
If we use them to get custody of your boys, he'll have the right to tell his side of it.
Makes it public record.
The DA can use that in the Pamela Toric trial.
TARA: And what does that do?
GLENDER: The biggest part of our defense is your credibility.
If the DA finds out about the doubts regarding the miscarriage, they'll dig in to get the truth.
If what they find comes back unfavorable...
I lose my defense.
TARA: So I have to choose?
My boys or my freedom?
GLENDER: There's no guarantee of either.
But essentially, yes, I guess that's true.
(footsteps approaching)
CONNOR: Gentlemen.
JAX: - These for us? CONNOR: - Aye.
Just making sure they're untraceable.
CHIBS: Just make sure they run.
CONNOR: They do. Even filled the t*nk.
JAX: - Tig, check 'em. TIG: - Yeah, you got it.
MONTEZ: - West, Quinn, come on. JAX: - Where's Gaalan?
CONNOR: He's meeting us at the hangar.
That's where we're storing the g*n for Clay.
JAX: Gaalan bringing the shipment with him?
CONNOR: After the takedown, me and Hugh will go to the barn, we'll pick it up, we'll meet you at the hangar.
JAX: Is he all you got?
HUGH: I'm all you need.
CONNOR: We got Neil positioned outside the prison.
He's our eyes on the road.
BOBBY: So, how we doing this?
CONNOR: I'll walk you through it.
JAX: Get Tig.
CHIBS: Tiggy!
TIG: Stay.
You guys, go help 'em out.
CONNOR: We know the route, the crew and the trucks.
It'll be clean, fast and easy.
JAX: We're going to need .50-cals?
CONNOR: We'll be having to smash through some bulletproof glass.
CHIBS: Is that the fast or the easy part?
CONNOR: I've done this before, lads.
BOBBY: - You have? CHIBS: - Aye.
Twice.
Local cage in Armagh.
And you sprung Harper from-- where was it?-- Magilligan.
CONNOR: Aye.
Clay will be loading up in about an hour.
His transport will run through the east end, on to Fremont.
Neil will confirm when he leaves.
Clay will be in an iron wagon, with a lead and follow car.
Six to eight men. Heavily armed.
We're in four different delivery trucks.
Different colors, different jobs.
Two men in each.
Point A is here, access road off of Fremont.
We park and we wait.
Lots of trucks are coming and going, so it'll look like business as usual.
When we get the call on the approach, we enter Fremont at point B here.
We'll have a clear sight line of the traffic-- both north, south wide open.
You got it?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Let's go.
JAX: Give it an hour or so, then head back to TM.
WEST: You got it, brother.
MONTEZ: Yeah, we'll keep 'em entertained.
JAX: - You ready? TIG: - Yeah.
CHIBS: Ready.
TIG: Why are we pink?
BOBBY: Come on, Tiggy. You love pink.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
(ship horn bl*wing)
(indistinct radio transmission)
ROOSEVELT: All right. We got four of them.
Teller's not there, but I recognize two of them.
It's SAMCRO.
PATTERSON: Looks like it's real.
COMMANDER: All units, we have confirmation.
Stand by. Over.
ROOSEVELT: The Irish aren't going to go down without a fight.
PATTERSON: We've got three tacticals ready to close in.
They resist, they're fools.
CANE: How do you think this goes down?
ROOSEVELT: 40 sheriffs, dozen Irish soldiers, lots of g*n.
Only one way it can go down.
(door opens)
GEMMA: Look at my hard-working boys.
CHUCKY: Tara had a lawyer thing.
GEMMA: Yeah, I know. Rat called me.
(door opens)
CHUCKY: Miller. (whistles)
(door closes)
UNSER: How's Wendy?
GEMMA: Ah, she's hurting.
Nero's keeping an eye on her.
I'm thinking I'm going to take the boys over there.
Might do her some good to see Abel.
UNSER: Not sure how good it will do Abel.
GEMMA: Hey.
He's going to find out sooner or later who his mom really is.
So is he.
UNSER: Yeah.
I guess that's true.
Me helping Tara-- you do know it was all about them.
GEMMA: I know.
UNSER: Which is still the case.
If Tara gets off, all this shit that's gone down, she's still their mom.
What does that look like?
GEMMA: That's Jax's call.
UNSER: And if she goes away, what happens to them?
And don't give me all that club and family rhetoric.
I'm talking about the day-to-day of it, Gemma.
Who takes care of them?
GEMMA: I do.
UNSER: Really?
You think you're up to that?
GEMMA: You saying I'm too old?
UNSER: I'm saying being a grandma and-and being a mom are two different jobs.
GEMMA: I'm aware of the burden, Wayne.
Come here, baby.
There we go.
UNSER: What about the burden on them?
Opie, Half-Sack, Phil-- they were all somebody's sons.
If their mothers had a chance to do it over again, lead them in a different direction...
GEMMA: There are no second chances, Wayne.
We get one sh*t at loving and raising our kids.
And I'm going to do this right.
UNSER: I have no doubt that you could raise these boys.
I know how much you love them.
But you got to realize this isn't 1967 anymore, sweetheart.
This life, it ain't romantic or free.
There's no path to anything that makes any sense.
It's just dirty and sad.
And we both know it's only going to get worse.
I'm going to get Abel.
GEMMA: Hey.
If you really don't want these boys here, why are you still helping me?
UNSER: For the same reason I find myself still here, no matter what the upset or damage.
Because I love you.
I'm in love with you.
JAX: Hey.
Juice.
You here?
JUICE: Yeah.
I'm not having a breakdown, man.
JAX: I didn't think you were.
JUICE: Chibs and some of the other guys, I know they're worried.
JAX: Should they be?
JUICE: No.
Just feels different.
I feel different.
JAX: Yeah.
I get that.
JUICE: I got to feel like I'm doing something right, Jax.
Not like "right or wrong" kind of right, but...
I got to feel like I'm... I'm...
JAX: Like you're one of the good guys.
JUICE: Yeah.
I used to know how to find some of that.
(cell phone ringing)
JAX: You still can.
Yeah. CONNOR: - Neil called.
Only one chaser, five total. Come on, let's go.
JAX: Okay.
That was Connor. They're en route.
Transport, only one follow vehicle, five guys.
JUICE: Cool.
(horn honks)
BOBBY: Here we go.
JAX: After this, brother, it's all white hats and tight p*ssy.
JUICE: Yeah.
♪ ♪
TIG: There they are. Following the transport.
BOBBY: Let's do this. Come on, baby. Let's do it.
TIG: I suddenly feel the need for speed.
BOBBY: Do it!
(both yell)
Holy shit! They got h*t! Dispatch, Code Three!
Our follow vehicle has been in a collision.
We have an 11-99 in progress.
Requesting immediate backup. Officers down.
TIG: They're still breathing. Here's Connor.
Let's go, let's go.
Let's move it, move it.
Holy shit. It's an ambush. What in the hell do we do?
CLAY: - You want my advice?
Shut up, assh*le!
Follow protocol, Jenkins, and drive!
TIG: Got the door!
QUINN: Let's move it! Go, go, go, go, go!
(tires squealing)
CHIBS: Hold on, brother.
Shit! This is Sierra-4-0.
We are under att*ck. This is an all-units call!
We need everybody at our 20 now!
JAX: Let him out! No one gets hurt!
Who the hell are they, Morrow?
CLAY: Angels sent by the god of justice.
Well, I got news for you, shithead.
This thing's a t*nk.
TIG: Put the g*n on the hood now!
Open the door!
Give me the keys now!
Here.
TIG: - Take it. JAX: - Get out, get out.
All right, all right, I'm out.
CLAY: Where the hell are the Irish?
JAX: In Ireland.
ROOSEVELT: All right, they're leaving!
The MC-- they're headed out empty-handed!
We just got an all-units request.
Someone's taking down a prisoner transport on East Fremont.
PATTERSON: Who's the prisoner?
Clay Morrow.
ROOSEVELT: Pulling all our resources to the other side of town.
PATTERSON: - Son of a bitch! ROOSEVELT: - Yeah.
JAX: All right, let's go. Come on, move!
TIG: Come on!
CHIBS: Back it up, move it! Come on, let's go!
(groans)
JAX: Shit!
Hayes!
Shit.
JAX: How bad is it?
CHIBS: Well, the vest took one, but his shoulder's bad.
(Bobby groaning)
This is way beyond me, brother.
JAX: - You okay? CLAY: - Yeah.
TIG: Clay, wardrobe upgrade.
JUICE: I'm sorry.
That cop was gonna keep sh**ting.
JAX: I know. Just head to the airstrip.
(knocking)
GEMMA: No, you can't get that close to the stove right now.
You have to be careful.
UNSER: Who's at the door?
Hey. TARA: - Hey.
UNSER: - Hi. ABEL: - Mommy!
TARA: Oh, hey! What you doing there, buddy?
ABEL: Making lunch for Wendy. She's sick.
TARA: That's nice of you.
NERO: Abel, maybe you're gonna grow up and be a doctor like your mom someday.
(phone ringing)
GEMMA: Hello.
Yeah, she just walked in. What's the matter?
TARA: Thanks for looking after them.
Hey, let's put on your shoes, okay?
We're gonna go home now, buddy.
UNSER: Hey, I'll get your shoes. Come on.
Come up here. That's it, get up here.
NERO: You can join us for lunch.
TARA: No, thanks.
What's Wendy doing here?
NERO: We couldn't get her into rehab until next week, so we're looking out for her until then.
Might be a good idea for a doctor to take a look at her.
TARA: Yeah, you should get one.
I don't have a license to practice.
GEMMA: That doesn't matter.
That was Jax; he's been trying to get ahold of you.
Come here, darling.
I want you to go on and get your new books out of Grandma's room.
You show Mom. Go on.
Bobby's been sh*t. It's bad. NERO: - What happened?
GEMMA: I'll tell you on the way over.
Come on. We gotta go.
TARA: So... so, what, we just pretend nothing happened and I'm mob doctor again?
GEMMA: Well, I'm willing to pretend if it's gonna save his life.
Bobby's gonna die.
TARA: Jesus Christ. All right.
I need to go by my house and pick up my bag.
UNSER: Here, I got him. Come here.
Come on, bub. Oh!
TARA: I'll be back in a little bit, baby.
Wayne's gonna look after you guys, okay?
I'm sorry.
UNSER: Hey!
(Thomas crying)
Where's my... where's my lunch?
I thought you were making macaroni and cheese?
Come on.
Let's go do this.
(sirens wailing)
Copy that. They're in position.
ROOSEVELT: Trucks weren't registered; no VIN numbers. We're still canvassing the area looking for wits, cameras, anything that we can find.
PATTERSON: What did Jenkins have to say?
ROOSEVELT: Eight to ten masked males, as*ault w*apon. They got away in two trucks. Hayes got off a few sh*ts into one of them as they were driving away. Before they ran him over. We alerted the hospitals in the area. You want me to round up the MC?
PATTERSON: Not yet. I need to reevaluate my options.
ROOSEVELT: All right.
JAX: How's it look?
CHIBS: I stopped the bleeding, but it's bad.
JAX: All right, Tara will be here soon. Stay with Bobby.
QUINN: You got it.
CLAY: Thank you, brother. For today.
(door opens)
He's ready for you.
GAALAN: Gentlemen.
CLAY: Thank you, Gaalan.
GAALAN: The gratitude is mine, friend.
We've a lot of work to do, you and I.
CLAY: Mm-hmm.
GAALAN: Good job, Jackson.
CLAY: Jesus Christ.
JAX: We had a vote.
Decided this had to happen.
(horn honks outside)
JUICE: Tara and Gemma.
JAX: Let them in.
Shut the door.
TIG: How is this gonna play out with Nero, Gemma and Tara?
JAX: Same way.
Get an ETA on Connor.
CHIBS: Aye.
(tires squeal)
Bobby's in the truck.
GEMMA: Oh, Jesus.
TARA: Yeah. I need some help.
JAX: Juice.
(Bobby coughing)
Help Tara. JUICE: - Yeah.
JAX: Thank you.
GEMMA: Everybody else okay?
JAX: Yeah.
NERO: Gemma.
CLAY: Didn't think I'd see you this soon.
GEMMA: Guess I'm just lucky.
They carting you off to Belfast?
CLAY: I don't think so.
GEMMA: I thought that was the plan.
CLAY: I think there's another plan.
I'm glad you're not alone, Gem.
JAX: Gemma tell you?
NERO: Coming over.
JAX: Now you know everything, brother.
NERO: I wish I didn't.
This your way of getting out of g*n?
Taking down a prison transport, k*lling a sheriff?
'Cause this shit is all over the news, mano.
JAX: It's more than that.
NERO: More? Really?
I don't know if I could take much more, Jax.
JAX: What do you think?
TARA: It's serious. I need surgical tools. That slug's in deep.
There's some shards of glass that are really close to the nerve.
We have to s*ab him.
I can't... I can't do it here.
JAX: - We'll take him to the cabin. TARA: - Okay.
I need to go by St. Thomas and get some supplies.
CHIBS: Connor's 15 minutes out.
CLAY: So, what happens now, Pres?
JAX: We settle with the Irish.
CLAY: Hmm.
And, uh, how do we do that with three d*ad bodies?
JAX: How would you do it?
CLAY: Well... I mean, the smart plan would be to blame it on a bad relationship.
You know, two guys with some history get into a beef.
One thing leads to another.
Couldn't be helped.
JAX: Sounds about right.
CLAY: So, I guess you, uh, had another vote I wasn't privy to.
JAX: Yeah, we did.
This time it was unanimous.
CLAY: Fair enough.
TIG: Let's go.
CLAY: This good?
JAX: Yeah.
(Clay sniffs)
(g*n)
(Gemma gasping)
(shells clinking on floor)
JAX: You okay?
GEMMA: Yeah.
I'll, um... I'll take her to St. Thomas, get what she needs.
Take her up to the cabin.
JAX: Thanks.
NERO: Now I know what you meant by "More."
JAX: I'm glad you were here.
What went down today was us burying the last piece of a very broken past.
What you and me are doing together, that's SAMCRO's future.
NERO: I'll see you up there.
(car door opens)
(car door closes)
JAX: Thank you.
RAT BOY: You sure you don't need us here?
JAX: No.
Get Bobby up to the cabin.
I'll meet you up there.
(engine starts)
CHIBS: Connor will be here any minute, brother.
JAX: Yeah.
NERO: - That shit with Clay... GEMMA: - I didn't know.
NERO: They voted that?
GEMMA: Yeah.
TARA: A few months ago, Clay k*lled Piney Winston.
One of the original members.
Then he ordered the cartel to k*ll me.
Because I knew what he did to John Teller.
Jax stopped them, but that's, um, how my hand got crushed.
Ruined my career.
NERO: Jesus.
TARA: Clay Morrow should've been d*ad a long time ago.
(Gemma crying)
GEMMA: I'm sorry.
NERO: It's okay.
GEMMA: I hated him so much.
(cell phone ringing)
TARA: - Hello. PATTERSON: - Dr. Knowles, Thyne Patterson.
I need to speak with you. TARA: - About what?
PATTERSON: The Sons of Anarchy.
Can you meet me at my office?
GEMMA: Uh, no.
PATTERSON: Your office then, at the hospital.
TARA: Okay.
PATTERSON: I'm on my way.
GEMMA: - Was that Jax? TARA: - No.
Lawyers. GEMMA: - Sorry.
I know that's probably...
TARA: - You okay? GEMMA: - Yeah.
Thanks.
(car horn honking outside)
TIG: - Yeah? JAX: - Go.
CHIBS: Looks good, Jackie.
Yeah?
TIG: Come on, pull it in here.
Stop.
CONNOR: Where's all your men?
JAX: Took Bobby to get patched up.
HUGH: He gonna make it?
CHIBS: Aye, think so.
CONNOR: - Gaalan in the office? JAX: - Yeah.
TIG: You, uh, need help unloading the g*n?
NEIL: - I appreciate it. TIG: - Yeah, sure.
CONNOR: Mother of Christ.
Aw, Jesus.
JAX: Easy... brother.
Let me tell you what happened here.
Clay and Gaalan had some kind of side deal.
It went bad. They started arguing.
Clay sh*t Gaalan.
Your men ran in.
Clay dropped them, too.
When he turned on us, we had no choice.
We k*lled him.
CONNOR: What the hell did you do?
JAX: We did what we had to.
We k*lled the man that k*lled your men.
That's what you're gonna tell the Kings.
CONNOR: Did you m*rder them all?
JAX: You're not listening to what I'm saying.
I am giving you the truth you need.
The only story that protects both of us.
Any other truth, you look like a failure.
CONNOR: Clay was keeping our g*n business alive.
JAX: That still happens.
You tell Roarke and the others that August Marks is their only option in Northern Cali.
The Chinese are gonna jump on the market if the IRA wait to find another distributor.
It's work with black or lose it all.
CONNOR: You played me, you bastard, didn't you?
JAX: If I did, I played you right into the number one slot.
It's up to you whether you want to stay there.
You're a smart, decent guy, Connor.
We both know this had to happen.
It was gonna be you and me lying on the floor if it didn't.
They earned that blood.
So let's move past it.
So we can both go home to our families.
CONNOR: The Kings will want to know your side of the story.
JAX: Whatever you need.
CONNOR: And what if they don't believe us? Then what?
JAX: Then we swear on a stack of Catholic bibles.
CONNOR: I'll call Belfast in the morning.
JAX: Good.
We're going to need to leave the KG-9's here with the bodies.
Take the rest of the g*n.
Store them in the beverage warehouse.
CONNOR: Why?
JAX: I need to deal with a local problem.
I'll cover the cost of the g*n.
(siren wailing)
TARA: I'll be back as soon as I can.
NERO: That was rough, mama. I'm sorry.
(Gemma sighs)
GEMMA: I don't know why I'm so g*dd*mn sad.
NERO: Hey, good or bad, Clay was a huge piece of your life.
You know?
It's going to take a minute.
GEMMA: He's not worth a minute.
NERO: Okay.
GEMMA: Where are you at with the club?
Or shouldn't I be asking?
NERO: Godfather paradox.
More distance I try to create, closer I get.
GEMMA: Jax loves you, Nero.
I see how he looks at you.
How he listens to you.
NERO: Yeah, well... little too old to adopt.
(Gemma sniffles, chuckles)
GEMMA: You can always marry me.
NERO: No offense, mama.
I've seen what happens to your husbands.
It ain't pretty.
GEMMA: No.
It's not.
(sighs)
(sniffles)
I'm so glad you're in our lives.
NERO: Yeah.
Me, too.
PATTERSON: Thank you for coming.
TARA: What do you want?
ROOSEVELT: Can you tell us where you were today?
TARA: Why?
ROOSEVELT: Clay Morrow didn't make it to the county courthouse.
PATTERSON: His transport was ambushed.
Eight or nine unknown assailants.
They k*lled one of our sheriffs, injured three-- two critically.
TARA: I heard. I'm sorry.
PATTERSON: Those other complications I had pending are now off the table, which means I've decided to take you up on your offer.
In exchange for your cooperation against the MC, you'll get immunity from Pamela Toric's m*rder.
TARA: What about my boys? And protection.
PATTERSON: If you want Witness Protection, it'll mean using RICO.
You'll have to provide us with a federal crime.
g*n, extortion, m*rder.
ROOSEVELT: Just tell us who broke out Clay.
TARA: What would I have to do?
PATTERSON: Provide us with irrefutable evidence.
TARA: If I... pulled a b*llet out of a club member from today's sh**ting-- a sheriff's b*llet-- it would have DNA on it.
Would that be proof?
PATTERSON: With your testimony, yes, that would put the member at the crime scene, prove the Sons were responsible.
TARA: I'm going to need more time.
PATTERSON: - How much time? TARA: - At least until tomorrow.
PATTERSON: You only have one chance at this, Doctor.
TARA: I have to go. Gemma's waiting outside.
(door closes)
ROOSEVELT: So, what do you think?
PATTERSON: I think she's in for a very long night.
ROOSEVELT: Do you want me to tail her?
PATTERSON: No. We don't want to put her at risk.
I'll call up the DOJ, dig in about getting her WITSEC.
(knock at door)
CANE: Galt division just followed up on an anonymous tip.
Found four d*ad bodies and six cases of KG-9's in a hangar off 104.
Two of the DB's, Clay Morrow and Gaalan O'Shay.
ROOSEVELT: Looks like it's going to be a long night for everybody.
♪ ♪
CHIBS: - Sorry, Doc. TARA: - It's okay.
CHIBS: Oh. Wow, wow, wow.
That was beautiful, Doc.
TARA: Just one more little piece, and he should be out of the woods.
GEMMA: "Where was her white frilled cap?
And her gown and petticoat?
And how small she had grown, and how brown.
And covered with prickles.
Why, Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle was nothing but a..."
ABEL: - Hedgehog. GEMMA (chuckling): - That's right.
NERO: Hedgehog.
GEMMA: "But then how could she have found three clean pocket handkins?"
ABEL: - Why don't we finish...
(knock at door)
UNSER: - Uh, sorry. NERO: - Hey.
UNSER: Didn't mean to disturb your story time.
Here you go.
(Nero grunts)
NERO: Grandma.
UNSER: I'll, uh, check on Wendy one more time, and... then I'm gonna split.
NERO: Okay.
GEMMA: Thank you, Wayne.
UNSER: Yeah.
Good night.
(Abel muttering)
GEMMA: Hey, baby.
Hey.
♪ ♪
(Bobby groans)
CHIBS: Welcome back.
(Bobby grunts)
BOBBY: Hey.
CHIBS: Welcome back, Bobby.
(Bobby chuckles)
(camera clicking)
♪ ♪
ROOSEVELT: Teller kept his promise.
Gave you Gaalan and the g*n.
PATTERSON: No, he didn't.
The deal I made didn't include a stack of d*ad bodies.
(crickets chirping)
JAX: I know you didn't have to help us today.
Thank you.
TARA: I'm just glad he's going to be okay.
JAX: I understand... why you did everything you did.
I'm sorry being with me took you to that place.
(Jax sighs)
(lock clicks) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "06x11 - Aon Rud Pearsanta"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
BOWMAN: We've prepared the WITSEC agreement. Included your sons. Do you have the evidence?
TARA: You get it once I know both the immunity and protection are set.
PATTERSON: This isn't a game, Tara.
TARA: I know it's not a g*dd*mn game. This is my life. Send the documents to Glender. He says I'm protected? I'll pick up my boys and meet you tonight.
GEMMA: We gotta check you in by noon tomorrow.
WENDY: I appreciate all this help. I just need to understand.
GEMMA: There's a pretty good chance that Tara's going to jail.
WENDY: And you want me to help you.
GEMMA: You betrayed me. But you bought it back.
WENDY: Jax is never gonna let me near Abel.
GEMMA: I'll work on Jax. You just get clean.
ALVAREZ: Shit that happens in Oaktown don't stay in Oaktown.
NERO: What shit is that?
ALVAREZ: Word is, Jax is handing over the Irish g*n. To August Marks. Makes a little problem for all of us.
NERO: Have a meet with the MC, work it out.
ALVAREZ: Jax should've thought about that before he started k*lling people.
JAX: Wahewa found the truck.
The g*n were gone, the guys were d*ad.
CONNOR: - Jesus Christ! Who did it? CHIBS: - Lin.
CONNOR: This is all going to shit!
JAX: This is why you need August Marks.
GEMMA: - Yeah? TARA: - I need help.
Bobby's bleeding again, and all the guys are with Jax.
Okay. You need me to bring anything? TARA: - No.
Is there someone who can stay with the boys?
GEMMA: They're at my house with Wayne.
TARA: You tell Gemma I pulled this on you and you had to let me take them.
You had no choice.
WENDY: Abel, I'm your real mother!
Baby, I'm your mommy! Baby, I love you!
TARA: Shut up!
CONNOR: - This Marks? JAX: - That's the boss.
CONNOR: Oh, no, no, no! You piece of shit, Teller!
JAX: Don't worry. It ends well.
(g*n, grunting)
AUGUST: You talk to your organization.
Let 'em know I'm very serious about being in business with 'em.
If you can provide the product, I can put 'em in twice as many hands.
BOBBY: You need to unwind, man.
You're making everybody nervous.
SANDY: Help, please! There's something wrong with Juice!
LYLA: Oxy.
(gags)
JUICE: I'm sorry.
Jax said it was what I had to do.
Earn my way.
NERO: Darvany? You... you k*lled her?
Still no answer.
TARA: All right, come on.
JAX: She took my sons.
GEMMA: She must've made a deal.
JAX: "There are lessons to be found here, but mostly, I do this so you can know me.
Lately, as I write these, I realize they are as much for me as they are for you.
This is the one place I can be completely open.
The pen and paper has no judgment.
No vote.
It simply receives my truth and allows me to turn the page.
And today... this is my truth.
I am terrified a great deal of the time.
Afraid of what I've done, of what I'm doing, and of what I might have to do.
It's not a crippling fear.
In fact, it's just the opposite.
I thrive on it.
I crave it.
I need that rush of terror to get me out of bed in the morning.
It's in my DNA.
I have tremendous remorse for the acts of v*olence I've commited, both planned and spontaneous.
But I think what brings me the most sorrow is that I've learned to justify this behavior.
I always find a reason, a cause, a need that allows me the karmic lubrication to stuff my guilt into its savage compartment.
I've become the thing... the one I hated.
And with that awareness comes periods of days, sometimes weeks, when I have to avoid looking into a mirror.
My self-hate is so deep, so palpable, I fear I'll lunge at my own image, shatter the glass and cut myself with shards of broken reflection.
Since my best friend was k*lled, I've lost my center.
Ope was always my pull back to true north.
Now my doubt and sense of fraudulence bark so loudly in my head that most of the time I can't hear anything else.
Love, camaraderie, freedom... all the things I want from this life are lost in the din.
Forgive my indulgence, sons.
But today may be a day we both remember.
A defining day.
And I want you to look back at this entry and know that at the very least your father was completely honest.
So you know I speak the truth when I tell you that you are the most important thing to me.
I will never hurt you.
Never abandon you.
I love you, Abel.
I love you, Thomas.
More than anything or anyone.
I always will.
Everything I do is for my sons."
♪
_
(cooing)
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ a perfect line ♪
♪ on the devil's bed ♪
♪ until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ in the eye ♪
ROOSEVELT: No. Keep 'em on until you hear from me.
Tara never came home.
We have units at the house, St. Thomas and TM.
PATTERSON: I talked to her lawyer and hospital.
Haven't heard from her.
ROOSEVELT: - Yeah, well, she's scared. BOWMAN: - Think she's running?
PATTERSON: - She's too smart for that. ROOSEVELT: - Yeah.
Well, she's out of options.
By this time, they'll know she took the boys.
There's no turning back.
BOWMAN: Do you think Teller would really k*ll her if he found out what she's doing?
PATTERSON: Let's find out.
Come on, there you go, Chip.
♪
GEMMA: Thanks, honey.
GEMMA: - Hey. TIG: - Hey, baby.
BOBBY: - Hey. GEMMA: - Darling, you okay?
BOBBY: Yeah, just sore. I'm okay.
GEMMA: Mm-hmm. You hear from Jax?
TIG: Yep. He's on his way. He's on his way.
GEMMA: 'Cause I saw Quinn and a sheriff outside his house when I left.
CHIBS: Aye. Well, we'll get West to the cabin.
Montez at St. Thomas. Tara shows up, we'll be the first to know.
GEMMA: She's probably already in protection.
BOBBY: No, then why would there be sheriffs outside the house?
If she gave up the club, we'd already be in custody.
TIG: We'll figure it out with Jax.
Come on. Come on.
GEMMA: Hey.
Give me a minute?
JUICE: Yeah.
GEMMA: Sweetheart, run up to Sarducci's.
Pick up some sausage and peppers, dozen hard rolls, some sides.
Guys are gonna be hungry.
BROOKE: - Sure. CHUCKY: - Sarducci's?
I can make better sandwiches here.
BROOKE: Come on. I'll introduce you to my friend Knee-pads Nina.
She likes 'em kind of freaky.
CHUCKY: Why do they call her Knee-pads?
BROOKE: Wow. Where were you hatched?
CHUCKY: New Jersey. It's the Garden State.
BROOKE: Really? What exit?
GEMMA: I like that girl. She's got sass.
JUICE: Yeah, she's cute.
Nuts, but cute.
Jax is letting her work off the damage.
GEMMA: How 'bout you?
Where you at with working off the damage?
JUICE: Not as good as you.
You reek of bleach.
GEMMA: Yeah, well... I've just been staying busy.
Tara's a shitty cleaner.
There's a lot more to do.
You dodged my question.
You okay?
JUICE: I'm sorry about Diosa.
I just... lost track of what I took.
GEMMA: Bullshit.
You are not a guy that loses track, Juice.
You knew taking that many could k*ll you.
JUICE: But it didn't.
GEMMA: Grateful or disappointed?
(chuckles ruefully)
JUICE: I don't want to die, Gem.
I'm just... (sighs) a little unsure about how to live in all this right now.
You gonna tell Jax?
GEMMA: No.
He's got enough shit on his plate right now.
JUICE: Yeah.
Nero say anything about last night?
I think I might've... over-shared on a few things.
GEMMA: It's okay.
He knew you were gay.
(Gemma chuckles) Don't worry.
You didn't say anything.
And he's not gonna, either.
JUICE: Yeah. Okay.
GEMMA: You gotta decide what you want, sweetheart.
You hear me?
Vulnerability is a liability.
No place for it in this life.
Trust me... I know.
(bell above door rings)
Hey, babe. Where you been?
JAX: Just riding mostly.
I'm okay.
GEMMA: You hear anything?
JAX: No.
JUICE: Everyone's upstairs, brother.
JAX: Okay. Thanks.
Is Nero with Diosa?
GEMMA: Stockton. Be back in a few hours.
(car doors shut)
JUICE: Shit!
GEMMA: Are you kidding me?
I'm about to go catfight on the colored girl.
JAX: Mom, not today.
PATTERSON: We should talk, Jackson.
(kiss)
JAX (softly): Tell Nero I'll see him at Diosa.
PATTERSON: Mrs. Teller.
GEMMA: Suck my white crack.
PATTERSON: We can't choose our family, right?
JAX: What do you want?
PATTERSON: I think I'd like to talk to Mr. Teller alone.
ROOSEVELT: Yes, ma'am.
(grunts)
PATTERSON: Our ties seem to be getting deeper.
JAX: How's that?
PATTERSON: Do you know where your wife is?
JAX: She took the boys.
Little retreat.
PATTERSON: Where to?
JAX: Why do you care?
PATTERSON: We had a meeting.
She missed it.
I'm just trying to find out if we're going to reschedule.
JAX: When I see her, I'll let her know.
PATTERSON: Do you have a struggle with your need to be a good man?
JAX: I struggle with all my needs... just like everyone else.
PATTERSON: Mm. My guess is you struggle with it every day.
What you are crashing into who you are.
JAX: Are we done?
PATTERSON: I know how much you love Tara.
And I see how deeply she loves you.
Betrayal is a very intense feeling.
One that can only be matched by the maternal instinct of a mother protecting her young.
JAX: I don't need a lesson in family feelings.
If you have something to say, then say it.
PATTERSON: Whatever decisions happen here today... the outcome lands on you.
Are you willing to let your family pay the price for your mistakes?
Is that what a good man would do?
Because if that happens, I promise you, son, it's gonna destroy you and everything else you love.
And that's not the law in me talking.
That's the flawed mother who made a lot of mistakes.
You're a husband... and a father... and a man before all of this.
Own your place.
JAX: Patterson doesn't know where Tara is.
She was supposed to meet.
She never showed.
TIG: So she made a deal?
BOBBY: Obviously contingent on something she was supposed to bring or do at that meeting.
HAPPY: What does she have?
JAX: She's seen a lot.
They want testimony.
CHIBS: You think she's running?
JAX: Not with the boys.
She wouldn't put them through that.
Abel has to be close to his doctors. It's too risky.
BOBBY: Means she's out there trying to decide where to jump.
TIG: And we need to find her first.
To convince her that the club is depending on her.
JAX: To convince her not to rat.
JUICE: And if we can't?
JAX: Then we do what we have to do.
BOBBY: We will make that call when we know more.
Right now, we just need to find out where the hell she is.
JAX: Yeah.
Okay.
She has no family here.
JUICE: The administrator at the hospital.
She's tight with her.
CHIBS: Okay... I'll put Montez on that.
JAX: And the new lawyer.
Unser knows who it is.
Let's sit on him. See if he's in touch.
TIG: Maybe Barosky can help. Have his cops keep an eye out.
JAX: That's a good idea. Give him a call.
(knocking)
CHUCKY: Sorry, guys. Gentleman to see Jax-- Marcus Alvarez.
JAX: If you're here for ice cream, I'm afraid it's just a front.
ALVAREZ: - Jackson. JAX: - Marcus.
ALVAREZ: Heard about Clay. My condolences.
JAX: Yeah.
ALVAREZ: Lot of changes going on with your club.
JAX: Yeah.
You traveling all this way makes me think maybe that's a problem.
ALVAREZ: I have my concerns.
CHIBS: - Um... JAX: - About?
ALVAREZ: You and Pope help tie together the boundaries and distribution in Oakland.
Us, the black, Chinese, we're making it work because we trusted that you'd keep everybody honest.
JAX: I never claimed to be godfather.
I just set up the meeting.
Boundaries and treaties were a mutual agreement.
ALVAREZ: Maybe you should've called another meeting, one to say you were giving up g*n.
JAX: Every move I've made since picking up that gavel's been heading in this direction.
You knew it was coming.
ALVAREZ: Handing off the g*n to Marks, g*n down Lin's crew.
Is that something else we should've seen coming?
(Jax sighs)
JAX: Irish pissed off Lin.
He took it out on us.
Grabbed one of my guys.
I did what I had to do.
ALVAREZ: The cartel thing, Jax, it's closing down.
Romeo, he crushed that though it wasn't a thr*at.
Moving that bl*wing g*n, that was big cash for us.
Losing it, that shit hurts.
Now, that g*n trade would've filled in the gap.
You should have came to us with that offer.
Okay, first of all, you would have never had that cartel income if it wasn't for us. Second, you don't have the reach or the contacts that Marks has.
Look, Marcus, I get it.
Black taking over g*n looks like a power shift.
But it's not.
August has no interest in upsetting the balance in Oakland.
He's just got the biggest network.
He's insulated, he's got political ties.
That was our only play with the Irish.
They're behind two weeks on the g*n shipment.
Transition's gonna take a minute.
I don't got a minute, ese.
This entomb the quiet in my neighborhood Because of your guys, it's about to jump off.
JAX: Marks should've gotten the first shipment from the Irish.
I'll make a call. We'll get you your g*n.
And talk to August. Hear it from him.
Oaktown is gonna be business as usual.
ALVAREZ: Today?
JAX: Yeah, okay.
ALVAREZ: I want Nero there.
JAX: Why?
Nero ain't part of this business.
ALVAREZ: Carving out a new relationship.
I trust his judgment.
JAX: What kind of relationship?
ALVAREZ: Mayans are setting up in Stockton.
JAX: Since when?
ALVAREZ: Charter will be live in two weeks.
Comstock, east side.
JAX: I got business in Stockton.
Legitimate business.
Why am I just hearing about this now?
ALVAREZ: Come on, ese.
Everything I been doing has been heading in that direction.
You knew it was coming.
I'll pick up the g*n at the boneyard like we always do.
Call me.
HAPPY: Problems in taco nation?
JAX: Get me King Nero.
(dialing tones)
♪
(line ringing)
(door opens)
(phone rings)
GLENDER: - Hello. TARA: - Mitch, it's Tara Knowles.
GLENDER: - Tara, are you okay? TARA: - Yeah.
GLENDER: Where are you? What happened?
TARA: I'm in Lodi. I just, I needed some time to think.
GLENDER: Patterson had a feeling that's what was going on.
Look, the deal is still on the table, but it has to happen today.
TARA: Tell them I'm ready.
GLENDER: I have to bring you in. Another no-show, it'll be d*ad.
TARA: No, I want to meet with you first and make sure the deal is what they promised.
GLENDER: All right. Uh, I'm at the courthouse.
I'm gonna need some time to get back to my office, pick up the documents.
TARA: Okay. I'll, um, I'll text you where to meet.
GLENDER: - See you then. TARA: - Bye.
ABEL: - Was that Daddy? TARA: - No, baby.
That was my friend who's helping us with our trip.
It's gonna be so much fun.
They're gonna take us to a really cool place with lots of things to play with.
Then we get to pick anywhere in the world we want to go.
ABEL: We're going on an airplane?
TARA: Yeah, maybe two or three.
But I need you to do me a favor.
I think your little brother might be scared.
Lots of new people, new places.
He's gonna really need his big brother.
ABEL: Hey, stinky monkey.
(Thomas babbles)
(babbling continues)
(engine starts)
BOBBY: So, let's play
"follow the lawyer."
JUICE: I'd rather play
"let's run over the lawyer."
BOBBY: It's still early.
(motorcycle engines rumbling)
JAX: Find out where Marks is.
TIG: What's up, boys? Tyler, Rigs.
NERO: - You doing okay? JAX: - Yeah, yeah.
No word on Tara yet.
NERO: Yeah, I talked to Gemma.
Sorry.
JAX: How long you known Mayans were setting up in Stockton?
NERO: Found out yesterday.
What, you think I'd keep that from you?
JAX: I don't know.
You and Alvarez got family ties.
Did time together.
NERO: Yeah, we know each other.
But I don't keep secrets from friends.
JAX: What does that mean?
NERO: You believe in karma, mano?
You know, something greater that's moving all the pieces around?
JAX: Not today.
NERO: I do. I know it.
Shit, I feel it every time I see my boy.
You ever think maybe all these bad things that are happening to the mother of your children, just maybe that's because of some heinous thing that you did to another child's mother?
JAX: I don't know where you're going with this, Nero...
NERO: Please don't lie to me twice, Jax.
I know what happened to Darvany.
I know what you had Juice do.
JAX: What did Juice do?
NERO: k*lled an innocent woman.
And then you looked at me in the eye and you lied to me about it.
You embraced me and called me "brother."
(motorcycles approach)
NERO: You think shit like that just gets buried?
Goes away?
It don't, mano. It comes back.
And when it does... it makes you pay.
ALVAREZ: Nero.
TIG: Hey, Marks, he ain't coming.
Tyler's handling all the street work now.
JAX: Jesus Christ.
CHIBS: So, how did that go?
JAX: A little different than I expected.
TYLER: - Marcus. ALVAREZ: - Tyler, good to see you.
Where's Marks?
TYLER: Mr. Marks can never be a part of what happens on the street.
We understand that you got some worries about how this shift affects Oaktown.
ALVAREZ: We ain't got no worries.
NERO: Yo, I-I think we all trying to understand what this new business model's gonna look like.
JAX: I assured the Mayans that nothing changes.
Drug, p*ssy, street games all stay the same.
TIG: Yeah, just a different face handling the hardware, right?
TYLER: That's right. It's a prettier face.
But everything else look familiar.
ALVAREZ: - What about Lin? TYLER: - What about him?
As long as he stay in line, he still keep his territory.
ALVAREZ: What, you keeping everybody in line now, ese?
Is that it?
JAX: I already told you, Marcus, the thing with Lin was about the Irish and my guy.
HAPPY: That's right. Doesn't hurt Oakland.
ALVAREZ: You k*lled his uncle and eight of his guys.
How does that not hurt Oakland?
JAX: That's not your worry.
TYLER: We gonna deal with the blowback.
We just reached out to Henry Lin.
CHIBS: I would just stay focused on your g*n, gentlemen.
ALVAREZ: Okay. I heard what I needed to hear.
We'll take your g*n.
My guys will unload.
Give Rigs the cash.
See you next month.
TYLER: - Good man. JAX: - Yes, sir.
TYLER: Take care.
ALVAREZ: I guess neither one of us is important enough to get Marks on the street.
JAX: He can't be seen with the hardware.
I'll arrange... ALVAREZ: - Wake up, ese.
I'm just a w*tback thug and you're an obsolete white boy.
Neither one us can eat at his table.
Want to help us load the g*n?
NERO: Yeah... sure.
(motorcycle engines start)
NERO: What happened with the Chinese?
ALVAREZ: Tyler and your boy Teller g*n them down in cold blood.
My guess, to impress the IRA, close the deal with Marks.
ALVAREZ: Hey, hold on. Open them up.
RIG: Let him see.
ALVAREZ: That's good.
ALVAREZ: Give him the money, huh?
RIG: What is this shit?
NERO: What the hell you doing, mano?!
ALVAREZ: Just putting food on our table, carnal.
Load 'em up! Let's go!
Mano, andale, vamos.
BAROSKY: I'll have my guys keep an eye open and pass this on to the other divisions.
How long ago did she split?
JAX: Last night. I don't want anyone pulling her over, spooking her.
I just need to know where she is.
BAROSKY: I get it. Look, I'm sorry, kid.
Taking your boys, that shit's rough.
JAX: Yeah.
BAROSKY: Got some good news.
Navy's back in town. Colette's doubled her business.
Looks like things are s*ab around here.
JAX: Yeah, I heard. It's good.
The Mayans MC, you know 'em?
BAROSKY: Alvarez, right?
JAX: Yeah. I just found out he's setting up a charter in Stockton, east side.
Won't affect you directly, but I wanted you to hear it from me.
BAROSKY: Mayans and Niners, that beef still on?
JAX: No, not anymore.
RAT BOY: Hey. Sorry to interrupt. I just talked to Bobby. They followed that lawyer to a park in Lodi.
JAX: Is Tara there?
RAT BOY: Not yet. But he said the guy's just sitting in the car like he's waiting for someone.
JAX: What park?
RAT BOY: Near the strip. With the kid rides and the Mother Goose shit.
JAX: Abel loves that park. Thanks, Charlie.
BAROSKY: You bet, good luck.
JAX: You call Bobby. If Tara shows up, don't let her leave.
TIG: Done.
JAX: Hap, you're with me. When your boss settles his domestic crisis, he may have to deal with another.
TIG: What are you talking about?
BAROSKY: Before you got here, heard a call on the city band. Four black guys with One-Niner ink g*n down in a junkyard outside of Oakland. Fresh motorcycle tracks all over the yard.
CHIBS: Shit.
BAROSKY: I'll take that as a confirmation.
TIG: Mayans are pissed off that we gave black g*n distribution.
BAROSKY: I saw that coming. It ain't easy giving up the crown, boys. Every peasant and whore's gonna be fighting for your jewels.
CHIBS: Don't you worry, Charlie, your jewels are safe. It won't spill into Stockton.
BAROSKY: You sure about that?
Where's our boy Nero land on this?
Brown loves brown.
NERO: You blindsided me with that shit, homes.
ALVAREZ: I didn't know it was gonna go down like that.
It just played out.
No disrespect, huh?
NERO: I can't be part of that, Marcus.
I got more than just business with the MC.
ALVAREZ: Yeah, I heard. Clay's old lady.
NERO: Yeah. Yeah, she matters to me.
ALVAREZ: Look, nobody's trying to force your hand.
I know you been trying to get out of the streets.
You deserve it.
Pass it on to your boy over there.
He looks eager.
NERO (laughs): Yeah.
And what's that gonna look like?
ALVAREZ: Like you're letting go of Stockton.
You still dreaming about the farm, huh?
Then retire, ese. Go get that shit.
(Nero laughs)
NERO: Just fade away?
ALVAREZ: Yeah, alive and with someone.
That don't happen very often.
Not to guys like us, ese.
We're sitting down with the Chinese tonight.
Lin's place.
Breaking down Stockton and Oakland.
It's gonna get bloody for a while.
Send Fiasco. Let him represent.
You and me?
We're good, homes.
TARA: Come on.
JUICE: Mommy dearest.
You can go ahead.
GLENDER: - He's cute. TARA: - Yeah.
TARA: Perfect. In the shade.
(opens briefcase)
GLENDER: It's everything she promised.
Full immunity for Pamela Toric.
The WITSEC is complicated.
Essentially, you give them that b*llet, and your testimony allows them to use RICO.
TARA: I'd have to testify in court?
GLENDER: If it went to trial, most likely, yes.
TARA: Okay.
TARA: I'm staying at the Barnes Motel.
Off of Canyon, room 11.
They can pick me up there.
This is the first time he's had fun in days.
Can you, can you give us a little time?
GLENDER: Sure.
I'll let Patterson know.
BOBBY: Looks like she's staying.
(knocking)
GEMMA: - Hey. UNSER: - Hey.
Anything new on Tara?
GEMMA: Guys don't think she made a deal yet.
That bitch DA is looking for her, too.
GEMMA: Black?
UNSER: Uh, yeah, sure.
And what if, uh... Tara's running?
GEMMA: Jax will find her.
Do what needs to be done.
UNSER: Is, uh, Wendy almost ready?
GEMMA: Yeah. Thanks for taking her.
UNSER: Yeah, no problem.
You off to see the pimp?
GEMMA: I am.
Did you go this morning?
UNSER: Yeah.
GEMMA: Anyone else there?
UNSER: No.
Just me and the cons burying him.
What was that for?
GEMMA: I don't know what I'd do without you.
I love you, Wayne.
I hope you know that.
UNSER: Yeah, well, uh... I'm very lovable.
WENDY: Hey.
Any word from Tara?
GEMMA: Don't you worry about Tara.
WENDY: Well, I don't want to check in until I know Abel's safe.
GEMMA: Oh, sure.
I'll go out and score you another balloon so you can have something to do while you wait.
UNSER: You know the drill, sweetheart.
You ain't of any use to your kid until you get yourself straightened out.
WENDY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just hate practicing what I preach.
GEMMA: Tell me about it. You get well.
We'll come see you at family day.
WENDY: Oh, Jesus Christ.
That's terrifying.
You're my family.
GEMMA: Yes, we are.
No detours.
UNSER: Yes, Mother.
GEMMA: I'll be at Diosa.
UNSER: Want some?
WENDY: Yeah.
Hey, we are gonna have to stop by my place so I can grab some more shit, okay?
Let my landlady know that I'm gonna be on... vacation.
UNSER: Then, uh, we should head out soon.
WENDY: Yeah. Okay.
UNSER: Gemma told me about your girl and all, and... didn't know if you wanted me to call her or something.
WENDY: Oh... no, thanks.
I don't really want to rip off that scab right now.
UNSER: Oh, yeah.
I get it.
WENDY: How's your wife?
UNSER: Uh, she split.
My, uh, cancer wasn't exactly the retirement she had planned.
She's in Boca.
Hooked up with some guy with a boat.
A g*dd*mn boat.
WENDY: What a bitch.
(laughs)
UNSER: Hey, to the bitches we hate.
(Wendy laughs)
WENDY: So, then, why are you still in Charming?
No job, no wife.
I mean, I mean, I don't want to sound harsh or anything, but if my clock were ticking, I don't think I'd want to spend my final time in this place.
UNSER: Oh, I don't know.
I guess 'cause it's the only place where someone still loves me.
You still love him?
WENDY: Jax?
(Unser grunts)
No.
We should've never been married.
We were just drinking buddies who, uh, had some great sex.
Gemma was driving that wedding train.
She wanted grandkids.
Jax had a good heart.
I always felt safe with him.
I'm-I'm afraid that's gone.
UNSER: I know.
I know.
(kids clamoring nearby)
TARA: There you go... There he is...
(gasps)
Here he comes.
ABEL: Daddy!
(gasping)
TARA: Oh, my God.
BOBBY: Hey, want to play?
Let's go play.
JAX: Sit down.
(Tara breathing hard)
TARA: What are you gonna do?
JAX: I just need to talk to you.
I know you think you need to do this, but I can't let you.
You know that.
TARA: Please don't... hurt me in front of the kids.
JAX: That's not what I want.
TARA: But that's all there is.
There is no other ending.
I...
I have sacrificed everything for you.
I have tried... to see what you see, how you see it, but I can't.
All I see are the lies and the v*olence, and... how it's changed you.
Turned you into a monster.
I'll die if I have to.
At least I know I tried to save them from becoming what you are.
JAX: I never forced my life on you.
You came back to me.
You're part of what I am, Tara.
You always have been.
And that was my mistake.
Thinking our love, our bond, was stronger than the pull of your... history. But it's not.
You were gonna pull them out of this, remember?
You were gonna break the cycle.
I know the turmoil you live with, Jax.
I feel the pain you wake up with every day.
And now you condemn your sons to that same t*rture.
They will suffer... with this.
(crying)
Can you let me say good-bye to them before you take me?
JAX: I'm not... going to hurt you.
I'm not going to hurt them.
You don't have to run.
Not anymore.
TARA: What am I supposed to do?
JAX: Just be a good mother.
Save our boys.
Please.
NERO: - Hey. GEMMA: - Hey.
Been in Stockton this whole time?
NERO: Yeah.
How long you been, uh, waiting?
GEMMA: Long enough.
Everything okay?
Been in the barrio a lot.
NERO: Shit with my crew.
GEMMA: - Mmm... NERO: - Any word on-on Tara?
GEMMA: No.
I was, uh, I was gonna head over to Jax's, finish up some work.
Came by to see if you wanted to come with.
NERO: Nah.
Complicated day.
GEMMA: Yeah, no shit.
You want to talk about it?
NERO: No.
GEMMA: Mind if I do?
NERO: Not now. Sorry, Gemma.
GEMMA: - What the hell's going on? NERO: - Nothing, nothing.
I-I just, I...
I just got some shit that I gotta work out, and...
I need to be alone for a while.
GEMMA: What do you mean, "a while"?
NERO: Right now! Okay?
GEMMA: Yeah. Okay.
Jesus Christ.
NERO: - Gemma... GEMMA: - What?!
I can't handle this shit today. Do not play with me.
NERO: See, I-I can't do this shit!
GEMMA: What are you talking about?
NERO: If I were to tell you right now... let's just go, mama.
Get away. You and me.
Out of Stockton, out of Charming... GEMMA: - What the hell happened to...
NERO: Would you come with me?
Could you leave all this behind?
Your boy?
Your club?
GEMMA: You know I can't make that choice.
NERO: I know, I know.
I know.
But I have to.
GEMMA: What are you saying?
Jesus Christ.
Are you dumping me?
You son of a bitch.
NERO: I don't know... I don't know what I'm doing...
GEMMA: Get off of me!
assh*le!
NERO: Gem, I...
(door slams)
(knocking at door)
TARA: We need to speak with you.
Alone, please.
PATTERSON: Uh... give us a minute.
What is this?
JAX: This is me, owning my place.
Here's how it works.
I turn myself in as the source of the KG-9 that Matthew Jennings used.
Just me. Not my club.
You drop all charges against Tara.
PATTERSON: - I can't protect her with that. TARA: - I won't need it.
JAX: Nothing will happen to her or my boys.
She's free to take them anywhere she wants.
You get the real devil responsible for the death of four kids, and an innocent woman is set free.
PATTERSON: Where are your boys now?
JAX: They're at the ice cream shop with my guys.
I'm going to go and spend some time with them.
Then I'll meet you at our house at 6:00.
Turn myself in.
TARA: That's the only deal.
PATTERSON: Are you sure you want this?
TARA: Yes.
I've called my lawyer and he's putting it together.
PATTERSON: - If you don't honor this... JAX: - I will.
PATTERSON: I'll let everybody know.
And I'll keep Lieutenant Roosevelt posted here.
TARA: Okay.
Thank you.
JAX: I love you.
TARA: I love you.
CHIBS: There's gotta be another way.
JAX: There's not, man.
I can't ask my wife to take the h*t for us.
And I'm not letting it land on the club.
Maybe this is what was supposed to happen.
Why I've been so hell-bent on trying to get us out of g*n.
CHIBS: I hate this.
JAX: I know, brother.
BOBBY: What are they charging you with?
JAX: Possession, conspiracy.
BOBBY: With the parole violation and, uh, priors...
I hate to say, they're gonna hang you.
JAX: Surrendering buys me some good faith.
Tara's lawyer thinks they'll settle for 25.
Parole in ten, maybe seven if I'm lucky.
CHIBS: - Jesus... JAX: - I'm good with it.
I'll still get to see my boys grow.
And we got the club in a good place.
I mean, shit's a little bumpy with brown, but that'll iron out.
Did you talk to Alvarez or Nero after the buy?
BOBBY: No. All quiet.
You should tell the rest of the club.
JAX: No.
You should tell the rest of the club.
BOBBY: I don't want it.
JAX: You're always talking about
"what is best for the club", Bobby.
You leading is best.
With him at your left, we have a chance.
Just keep moving towards legitimate shit.
Get Caracara up and running.
TM back on track.
SAMCRO will be fine.
BOBBY: Chibs?
CHIBS: Yeah.
BOBBY: Okay.
JAX: There's one more thing.
I was wrong about Juice.
He can't be trusted.
BOBBY: Why? What happened?
JAX: Bring him up to speed.
CHIBS: Aye.
JAX: I'm gonna go be with my boys.
BOBBY: Yeah, good.
CHIBS: We'll look after your family, Jackie.
JAX: Whatever Tara wants, you support it.
BOBBY: Of course.
JAX: Thank you.
I love you both so much.
(Bobby chuckles)
(loud knocking)
(door opens)
UNSER: Hey.
You okay?
I've been calling you.
GEMMA: You drop off Wendy?
UNSER: Yeah.
You, uh, talk to Jax or the guys?
GEMMA: No.
Why? What happened?
UNSER: I, uh...
I got a call from Tara's lawyer looking to pull police archives from Charming.
They're arresting him, Gem.
I guess Tara made a deal.
GEMMA: I gotta finish some things.
UNSER: What do you...? Whoa. Where you going?
GEMMA: To work.
UNSER: Uh, my truck is blocking you in the driveway.
Let me drive. GEMMA: - I'm fine, Wayne.
UNSER: Hey, maybe you don't remember what happened the last time I let you drive in this condition.
GEMMA: Oh, it doesn't matter anyway.
I'm never gonna see my grandsons again.
Hey, man, I'm feeling, um... feeling really light-headed.
Would you get my pills?
UNSER: - What, the heart ones? GEMMA: - Yeah.
They're in my bathroom in a white bottle.
UNSER: All right, just, just relax, okay?
GEMMA: Yeah.
(pills rattling)
BROOKE: - Thank you. BOBBY: - Bye, honey.
UNSER: - Hey. BROOKE: - Hey.
TIG: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-huh, yeah, yeah.
UNSER: Yeah, okay.
ABEL: Other one.
UNSER: I know some of what's happening, son.
JAX: The guys will fill you in.
UNSER: Someone better fill your mom in.
JAX: Yeah, we've been trying to find her.
UNSER: She was at the house.
I'm not sure where she went.
She was, uh... in pretty bad shape.
She took my truck.
JUICE: I'll find her.
JAX: Yeah, okay.
CHIBS: Come on, good chippy.
BOBBY: All right, what's on my head?
JUICE: I'm gonna miss you, brother.
JAX: You betrayed me.
BOBBY: Go for the ceiling.
ABEL: Gone... if it goes to the ceiling, it's gonna break.
ROOSEVELT: Is Wayne here?
TARA: Um, I'm not sure.
ROOSEVELT: I'm, uh, glad it turned out this way, Tara.
I know it's still a sad day for your family, but, uh, it's the right thing.
TARA: I know.
Wayne?
Hmm.
He's probably helping Jax.
ROOSEVELT: All right, well, I'm gonna go wait outside for Patterson, okay?
TARA: Thank you.
(chuckles)
(door opens, shuts)
Hey, Wayne, is that you?
(Tara groans)
(Gemma grunts)
JUICE: I'm looking for Gemma.
ROOSEVELT: Nah, she's not here. I just dropped off Tara.
JUICE: She took Unser's truck.
(glass breaks)
(door opens)
ROOSEVELT: Oh, my God.
GEMMA: It had to be done.
Had to be done.
I had work to do.
It had to be done.
ROOSEVELT: - What did you do? GEMMA: - She did this. She did this.
She made a deal.
She-she betrayed him.
ROOSEVELT: Tara didn't rat, Gemma.
Jax gave himself up to protect her.
To keep her safe.
We got a...
(Gemma sobbing)
(Gemma sobs)
(sobs)
(Thomas fusses)
JAX: Tara will come pick 'em up after I go.
RAT BOY: Take care of yourself, okay?
I love you, brother.
JAX: We're all good.
(Chibs sniffles)
I love you, brother.
You'll be okay, brother.
I love you, my brother.
I love you.
(vehicle approaches)
♪
♪
♪
LIN: I'm glad you're here, my friend.
♪
♪
(motorcycle starts, departs)
JAX: Babe?
♪
(sobs)
(sniffles)
(sniffles)
(door opens)
JAX: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
♪
(wails) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "06x13 - A Mothers Work"} | foreverdreaming |
JAX: Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
ALVAREZ: Word is, Jax is handing over the Irish g*n. To August Marks. Makes a real problem for all of us.
BOHAI: We should have that business. This is our territory. We own it.
ALVAREZ: It's gonna get bloody for a while. Jax k*lled his uncle and eight of his guys. It's gonna be brown and yellow against black and white.
GEMMA: Been in the barrio a lot. Are you okay?
NERO: I just got some shit that I got to work out, and I need to be alone for a while.
GEMMA: Are you dumping me?
PATTERSON: In exchange for your cooperation against the MC, you'll get immunity from Pamela Toric's m*rder.
TARA: If I pulled a b*llet out of a club member from today's sh**ting, would that be proof?
PATTERSON: With your testimony, yes.
GEMMA: Where you at with working off the damage?
JUICE: A little unsure about how to live in all this right now. Jax said it was what I had to do. Earn my way.
NERO: Darvany? You... you k*lled her? I know what you had Juice do. And then you looked at me in the eye and you lied to me about it.
JAX: You betrayed me.
WENDY: Any word from Tara?
GEMMA: Don't you worry about Tara. You just get clean. Jax will do what needs to be done.
TARA: I'll die if I have to. At least I know I tried to save them from becoming what you are.
JAX: I'm not going to hurt you. Just be a good mother. Save our boys. I turn myself in, nothing will happen to her or my boys.
PATTERSON: I'll let everybody know.
UNSER: Talk to Jax or the guys? I guess Tara made a deal.
TARA: Hey, Wayne, that you?
(grunting)
ROOSEVELT: Tara didn't rat, Gemma. Jax gave himself up to keep her safe. We got a...
(grunts)
JAX: Babe?
(punch lands, man grunts)
♪ ♪
(Thomas fussing)
(kissing)
GEMMA: Here, let's go to Brooke. Oh, it's okay. Brooke.
BROOKE: Hi. Oh, come here. Hi. Let's go. I got him, Gem.
GEMMA: Let's go, Rat. Abel, are you gonna help me clean up?
(motorcycles rumbling)
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
(cell phone ringing)
(man screaming)
(muffled screaming)
♪ ♪
(speaks indistinctly)
♪ ♪
Oh, wow, this is nice. Wow, this looks nice.
LYLA: Hi. Welcome to Red Woody.
♪ ♪
(squishing)
(Jax grunts)
(sharp snapping)
(crackling)
♪ riding through this world ♪
♪ all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ you're on your own ♪
♪ the crow flies straight ♪
♪ a perfect line ♪
♪ on the Devil's bed ♪
♪ until you die ♪
♪ gotta look this life ♪
♪ in the eye ♪
UNSER: - You sure you want to do this?
WENDY: - Yeah.
UNSER: I thought the plan was to put in 90 days.
WENDY: Well, I think nine was enough. I was crawling out of my skin in there, Wayne. So worried about Abel. Gemma can't take care of those boys; and even if she could, we both know it's a bad idea. I got to do something.
UNSER: I know. We all got to do something. Mrs. Teller. I'm assuming we're both here to see the same party.
GEMMA: Yeah.
PATTERSON: Make sure I get in there before she does. I'm sorry for your loss.
GEMMA: Me, too.
RAT BOY: Everything all right?
GEMMA: Yeah. It's fine, sweetheart.
PATTERSON: Protection?
GEMMA: (sighs) Company. I get lonely.
PATTERSON: It’s understandable. You've lost a lot of people close to you.
GEMMA: Yes, I have. Any, um... any luck with Tara's case? Evidence? Suspects? Anything?
PATTERSON: Unfortunately, no. It's been very difficult finding people willing to cooperate. And the person who could help us the most refuses to talk to anyone. Except his mother.
GEMMA: He found the woman he loved... d*ad. The woman he loved more than anything. What do you want him to say?
TULLY: What's this?
JAX: His teeth. I thought you guys were into that. Make a necklace or something. I was told if I want to sit down I have to make the message clear. I did. Your snitch ain't gonna be talking about anything for a very long time.
TULLY: So what do you want?
JAX: Just to clear the air between your organization and my MC. We never had no direct beef with the AB. Shit that went down with Darby and the Nords...
TULLY: Darby was a poser. And the Nords were a joke.
JAX: Yeah. And we both know Zobelle was a cancer. Almost k*lled both of us.
TULLY: So what about the slaughter at Gerber's Ranch? What do you know about that?
JAX: We heard that was an internal beef. Look, man, we both know what's happening in Oakland and Stockton. Brown and yellow are pulling together 'cause black's got the g*n trade. Lin and Alvarez are already playing a hard offense. Street's gonna get bloody, and that's gonna impact relationships inside.
TULLY: That don't mean we start sharing tables with the GN. And they ain't gonna start including us in their n*gg*r movie night, either.
JAX: Hey, you can keep hating as much as you want. When you get to Stockton, you should let your crew know that when push comes to shiv and white needs a friend, they do best to reach out to the darkest hand in the yard. Let's go, Teller. D.A. wants to talk to you.
JAX: So, we good?
TULLY: I might need a few things from you in the future. Yeah, for now, we're good. No. I got it, I got it. I left in a such a hurry. Place is a disaster.
UNSER: Uh, okay.
WENDY: Thanks for the lift.
UNSER: Oh, sure. Hey, uh, can I give you some advice?
WENDY: Please.
UNSER: Before you go see the boys, you should talk to Jax. Let him know what you want to do. It's the respectful thing.
WENDY: Okay. He's in county?
UNSER: - Yeah. Uh, the guys'll give you all his info. They're probably at the, uh, ice cream shop. Let me know if you need anything.
WENDY: I will. Thanks.
(car door closes outside)
(car engine starts)
(door closes)
What the hell? Oh, my God!
JUICE: Oh, shit!
PATTERSON: The evidence has been processed. All the lab work's back. And other than the obvious facts, the results gave us nothing. We've talked to family, friends, neighbors, the MC... except Ortiz-- he seems to be M.I.A.-- and no one can shed any light on who or why Tara was m*rder. I understand the pain you're in, son. The reason for your silence. I lost a son... and a nephew... to g*ng v*olence. I... didn't want anyone arrested. I wanted them all d*ad. Heartless, cold b*ll*ts to the back of the head, just the way they k*lled my boy. That's a natural reaction. The desire for revenge, it's a part of grieving. The difference is in my world, I knew that those violent desires would never become real. In yours, it's a very likely outcome. We couldn't tie you to either m*rder. Parole violation...
(scoffs)
The g*n wasn't fired. It was in the house. We're gonna let you go. Your mother's here to see you. She can take you home.
(chuckles)
I've been doing this for over 20 years, and until today, I have never said a word about my personal life to someone on the other side of this table.
JAX: So, why me?
PATTERSON: Because... I needed help to connect with the man who did the right thing ten days ago! Who knows the importance of family! And that more v*olence will only destroy... what's left of his.
(buzzer sounds)
(door opens)
WENDY: So, why would Gemma let you stay here?
JUICE: I'm in a situation. She said you were gonna be gone a few months.
WENDY: Well, I'm back. And as much as I appreciate you tidying up and for some reason, rearranging all my furniture, you got to go.
JUICE: I can't.
I'm hiding. From the club.
WENDY: Oh, shit.
JUICE: It's complicated.
WENDY: No, it's simple. I live here. You don't.
JUICE: They'll k*ll me.
WENDY: Juice.
(quiet laugh)
JUICE: Look, I'm sorry.
I'll find another place. Can I at least wait until it's dark?
WENDY: Oh, Jesus! Yeah.
(keys jingle)
I got to go to county and talk to Jax. Is my car still out back or did you move that, too?
JUICE: It's still there.
JUICE: Please don't say anything. To Jax.
WENDY: I won't.
(door closes)
JAX: Patterson grilled the guys.
GEMMA: Yeah, me, too. Everyone at TM and the hospital. I don't think they have any suspects.
JAX: They don't.
GEMMA: Bobby said you reached out?
JAX: Yeah, August got me a burner. Club's up to speed. Any word on Juice?
GEMMA: No. We tracked down his sister back east. She hasn't seen him in years. Tacoma's still watching his apartment and the weed shop. You know why he split? Club shit?
JAX: Yeah. Did everything go okay with the funeral?
GEMMA: Yes. We had the service two days ago. Just club, family. It was quiet. Respectful. Abel doesn't know what happened. Just that his mommy's in heaven. It's good you're out, baby. Those boys need you. Where are you going? Scoops'. I can't see them yet, Mom. I got to get clear on what I have to do.
GEMMA: Yeah, okay. I get it.
JAX: I know how much of this has landed on you. The burden of that. What you're doing for SAMCRO and my boys means a lot to me. Couldn't do it without you, Mom. I love you.
GEMMA: I love you, too, sweetheart.
I'm here. Whatever you need me to do.
(engines revving)
(music playing in distance)
FLINT: Ain't this something.
(phone ringing)
White boys and colored folk rolling together. Lordy lordy.
T.O.: Yeah, you know, why don't you come ride with us, Flint? Oh, shit, that's right. You got no damn legs.
TIG: Really? Wow. I just thought he was, like, incredible short with very small feet.
FLINT: Yeah, and a big dick that still smells like your mama's ass.
TIG: It's a nice, tight ass, though, huh?
I've been up inside my mother's shitter so many times she used to call me little Alex enema.
FLINT: There a reason why freak show and the Oreo bikers are taking up my time?
T.O.: I got one man d*ad, two in critical care 'cause someone ran them off the road in an old blue Impala.
STICKY: And people on the street said the guys driving the car were East Dub Crew.
FLINT: People are wrong.
CHIBS: That was Rat. Jackie boy is out.
(chuckles)
But listen, he needs us round the table now.
BOBBY: This may take a minute. I ain't saying it was sanction, but it happened. I need to know who it was.
FLINT: No idea. I'll ask around.
STICKY: I say we start with these pussies.
FLINT: They don't know nothing.
CHIBS: I don't have time for this shit.
TIG: Listen, stumpy, we don't want this to jump off any more than you do, but if it wasn't your crew, just point us to the car and the driver, huh?
FLINT: I ain't AAA, shithead. Find it yourself.
CHIBS: All right, let's just move this along, shall we, boys? We get it. You're not gonna tell us. We know you're lying. Things get heated, then we get here. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
STICKY: - Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
TIG: - Hey, hey, hey, hey.
(engine starts)
CHIBS: You black fellas over there, I suggest you put your g*n down.
(g*n)
- (groaning)
- Damn.
CHIBS: Anybody else want to go rolling down the ramp?
(groaning continues)
Now, my little crippled friend, I'm gonna ask you one more time. Who was driving the Impala that took out our brothers?
FLINT: Sorry, man. I can't understand a g*dd*mn word you're saying. You guys got any idea what Clan McDouchebag is talking about?
(engine revs)
(Flint screaming)
(yells)
(Flint screams)
Stop the bike, man! Stop it! Stop it!
CHIBS: Sorry about that. Had to speed up the process. Jax just got out of county.
T.O.: Zoom, zoom.
(Flint yelling)
(sighs)
JAX: Thanks, Mom.
GEMMA: Of course, baby.
JAX: Head straight to TM. Take one of the Tacoma guys if you go anywhere.
GEMMA: Yeah, I know.
(kissing)
(door sensor dinging)
CHUCK: I welcome you.
(tires squeal)
(car alarm beeps)
(car door closes)
GEMMA: Are you sh1tting me? What are you doing here?
WENDY: I'm just looking for Chibs or Bobby. I just want to get Jax's info. I want to talk to him.
GEMMA: He's out, and that is not a good idea.
WENDY: Gemma, I just want to help. I want him to know that.
GEMMA: Not today.
(motorcycles approaching)
WENDY: Where are the boys staying?
GEMMA: My house.
WENDY: Well, I guess I could talk to Jax when he comes to see them.
I'll be staying with you now that you sublet my place to Juice.
GEMMA: What'd he tell you?
WENDY: That he's hiding from the club, and for some reason, you're helping him, which--
forgive me if this sounds harsh-- feels way out of character.
GEMMA: There's been enough death.
(indistinct conversation)
TIG: I'm really sorry. Really sorry.
CHIBS: Want me to take care of this?
JAX: Chibs, it's okay. I got it.
I'll meet you upstairs.
GEMMA: Shit.
JAX: What are you doing here?
WENDY: I just want to talk to you.
JAX: I thought you were in rehab.
WENDY: I checked out.
GEMMA: Look, I told her to come. I know I should've waited till you got out, but I needed help. It's just about helping the boys. Talk to her?
WENDY: I'm so sorry about Tara. I spent the last week or so trying to wrap my head around that horror.
JAX: It's not your problem.
WENDY: I'm not here to judge you, Jax, or to insert myself into Abel's life. Honestly, at this point, I don't care if he ever knows I'm his mom. Gemma's right. I just want to make sure he's happy and safe. And Thomas, too. Just let me help.
JAX: Work it out with Gemma.
WENDY: Okay.
OSO: My uncle is a shop steward for the ILW. Has access to everything coming and going out of the port.
ALVAREZ: Which means we can use water to move product. Keep that shit off the highway.
(phone rings)
NERO: Yeah, that's smart. Hey, you all know that anything moves out of Stockton Port, it's got to go through Barosky.
OSO: We'll make sure he gets his piece.
ALVAREZ: Yeah, for now. But Barosky, he's like all those dirty cops-- careless and greedy. At some point, he's gonna push too far.
FIASCO: Yo, that was Peacock.
D.A. cut Teller loose. He's on his way home. Call Lin and let him know.
I'll go check out where Jax is at.
OSO: - Orale.
NERO: - Orale.
ALVAREZ: Hey, we appreciate you stepping in the middle of this, huh.
NERO: I ain't no politician, but, uh, maybe I could help put something together that keeps us all whole.
ALVAREZ: Yeah, but what if you can't?
NERO: Then it's gonna get messy, ése.
For all of us.
ALVAREZ: Are you okay with that? See, Oso and his crew, they're concerned about your loyalty because of your personal connection to the Sons.
NERO: I guess they're just gonna have to trust me. Like you do.
ALVAREZ: And what about Teller's mother?
NERO: She knows how the world works.
ALVAREZ: You didn't answer my questions, ése.
NERO: No, huh? Hey, maybe I would make a good politician.
(car door closes)
(door opens)
(door closes)
JAX: I didn't think I'd be in this chair again. Thank you for helping Gemma handle everything. Taking care of my family.
BOBBY: Of course, brother.
CHIBS: Anything you need, Jackie.
JAX: Okay, our alliances. We locking them down?
BOBBY: Yeah. Irish are setting up with black. Connor's here to handle the transition, and we took care of, uh, an internal family problem for Cacuzza. So Italians are in our debt.
HAPPY: No muss, no fuss, no Tony.
(chuckles)
JAX: Nice. And the Grim Bastards? That's where we were when Rat called. Uh, a few days ago, Darker Dan and a couple of prospects got run down in, uh, Lockwood Gardens. Dan bled out, prospects are barely hanging in. Bastards found out it's one of Flint's crew.
JAX: - Is he still East Dub?
TIG: - Oh, yeah. He gave up the owner of the car, though. Well, we kind of dragged it out of him. It's an '82 Impala. It belongs to this hood rat, hooked up with a-an OG named DuLain.
CHIBS: Grim Bastards are good. Fence mended.
BOBBY: How'd it go with the AB?
JAX: Took almost a week to get a sit-down with Tully.
MONTEZ: That guy's a super freak, man.
WEST: A freak with clout. He's number three in the Brotherhood now.
BOBBY: Yeah, and once he gets to Stockton, he's gonna be calling the sh*ts from Fresno to Portland.
JAX: Yeah. He didn't give much, but I think I cleaned it up. He may want a favor or two in the future, but for now, I think we're okay with white. What about business? Where are we at with that?
BOBBY: Garage is solid. Diosa's picking up.
TIG: We got the okay to demo the clubhouse. We're fielding some bids on the rebuilds now.
JAX: Good.
QUINN: p*rn studio is almost ready, brother. Lyla's tracking down all the Caracara girls.
BOBBY: And the new name cleared. Red Woody Incorporated is now open for business.
(laughter)
(Jax sighs)
JAX: I never really wanted this chair. I guess some part of me knew it would happen, but I always dreaded the weight of it. The responsibility. The truth is I can barely make the right choices for myself. I've been trying to take this club in a direction I thought made sense. To move us away from all the outlaw shit. That hasn't worked. I think some part of me was trying to buy back all the bad shit I've done. The people I've hurt. That's a false pardon. It's dangerous. And it's selfish.
(laughs)
JT did the same thing. And those choices took away everything from my old man. His family and his patch. I already lost the woman I love. I'm not gonna lose my club. For me to move forward with all the things we now have to do, I need to know this table has no doubts. No mistrust. That every single one of you would k*ll or die for the man next to him, and if you don't feel that way...now's the time to speak up.
CHIBS: We're all in, brother. We love you. We trust you. Tell us what you need.
TV: Lion cubs play with anything that arouses their interest...
(footsteps approaching)
(cocks g*n)
JUICE: Jesus!
GEMMA: You told Wendy I was hiding you from the club? What else?
JUICE: - That they want me d*ad.
GEMMA: - Shit.
JUICE: She was gonna kick me out. I bought myself till tonight.
GEMMA: All right, look. I'll-I'll take care of Wendy. And you're, and you're not gonna have to leave tonight, but you got to go soon. Jax is out.
JUICE: All right.
I'll figure it out.
GEMMA: You've had over a week to figure it out, sweetheart.
JUICE: I just have to get my cash from the weed shop.
GEMMA: No. Jax has got Tacoma sitting on it 24-7. Look, um... I'll pull together some cash. Just enough to get you out of town. Go to Idaho, Montana, somewhere there isn't a charter. Things'll calm down here and I'll get your money from Clear Passage, I'll send it to you.
JUICE: Yeah. Okay.
GEMMA: You need anything?
JUICE: No. How's Jax?
(Gemma sighs)
GEMMA: Sad.
(door closes)
JUICE: What did you say to him? I mean... how did you just have a conversation about Tara?
GEMMA: I'm not a psychopath, Juice. I know what happened with Tara and Eli was awful. What I did... I know how horrible that was. But it happened because we were both protecting the club.
JUICE: Jax was turning himself in.
GEMMA: I didn't know that! I made choices based on the truth I had. So did you. You did what any member would've done. But you know... if Jax finds out...
...not only will he have lost a wife...
...but he'll lose his mother. And Abel and Thomas will grow up never knowing the love of a strong woman. I am the only thread holding this family together. This ain't about protecting you and me. It's about protecting Jax and those boys. That's how I look him in the eyes. That's how I talk to him about Tara. Because I know as selfish as it seems, keeping our truth away from him is the right thing to do. Understand?
JUICE: Yeah.
GEMMA: I don't know what you did or why Jax wants you d*ad-- it's probably better I don't know... (Juice sighs heavily) ...but you helped me. You gave me a truth that works... so I'm gonna help you. Okay.
GEMMA: So, you just keep it together a few more days. Stop chatting up the junkie.
(laughing)
JUICE: Mm-hmm.
GEMMA: Okay. Okay. Okay.
(whimsical music playing)
NERO: - Thanks.
CHUCK: - Sure. (Chuck whistling to tune) She misses you. Gemma.
NERO: Oh, yeah? She tell you that?
CHUCK: No. She hardly says a word to me. But every time a car pulls into TM, the way she looks up with a little bit of hope... I know she's wishing it was you.
(footsteps approaching)
NERO: Hey. Good to see you, mano. I'm glad you're out.
JAX: Me, too.
NERO: Can we talk?
JAX: Yeah.
NERO: I'm really sorry about Tara, Jax. I-I know there's nothing that I can, uh, say that'll help. But you just let me know if there's anything I can do.
JAX: I appreciate that.
NERO: You got any intel on, uh, who might've been involved?
JAX: Nothing from the sheriffs.
NERO: You know I've been sitting down with the Chinese and the Mayans.
JAX: I heard.
NERO: I'm just trying to figure out a way to avoid having my hood in Oaktown turning into some kind of combat zone.
JAX: I get that.
NERO: Lin and Alvarez, uh, they wanted me to extend their condolences. And to let you know-- brown and yellow had nothing to do with this tragedy that's h*t your familia.
JAX: That's good to know. I think maybe, until we're certain how all this plays out, I should handle Diosa here. You focus on Colette's place. Keeps potential conflicts out of our business.
NERO: Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Listen, once you're settled in, maybe in a few days, we should sit down with Lin and Alvarez, see what can be done.
JAX: I don't want to wait. Let's do it now.
NERO: Yeah? All r... All right. I'm gonna set it up.
(door opens)
PATTERSON: Mr. Unser. District Attorney Thyne Patterson.
UNSER: - What can I do for you?
PATTERSON: - Do you remember me?
UNSER: - Yeah. We worked the, uh, Cahill Warehouse m*rder a bunch of years back. You were, uh... ADA then.
PATTERSON: Good memory.
UNSER: (chuckles) Sometimes. There ain't nobody here right now, if you're looking for the club.
PATTERSON: I'm actually here to see you.
UNSER: Oh, yeah? And why's that?
PATTERSON: I know that you and Tara were close.
UNSER: I already gave my statement to the sheriffs.
PATTERSON: What if I wanted more? I know you've had a long history with the Sons of Anarchy. Whatever you did here to manage the embassy, it worked. For a long time.
UNSER: That's ancient history.
PATTERSON: Althea Jarry. She's taking over the sheriff's office tomorrow. She's replacing Eli Roosevelt. She spent six years with the organized crime unit in Stockton. I think she's a good fit for Charming and Morada, but she's a little out of the loop on the local lore. She could benefit from your history lessons.
UNSER: What exactly... are you asking me?
PATTERSON: To help her with the MC. After Tara and the w*r that's brewing in Oakland, we both know it's gonna get pretty bloody. I could make you a consultant.
(Unser laughs)
UNSER: Uh, I appreciate the offer, yeah. But I'm afraid my badge and g*n days got flushed away a long time ago.
PATTERSON: Pity doesn't suit you. What happened here was wrong. Tara deserved better. I'll brief Sheriff Jarry tomorrow. I'll mention that we talked.
JAX: Nero expressed your condolences. Appreciate that.
LIN: Awful thing, losing family.
JAX: Yeah.
NERO: Okay, so let's figure out what we have to do, keeps everyone moving forward. Pushing back on turf, blood for blood, we all know why we have to do it, but we also know how much it hurts business. You throw in the heat from the A*F, g*ng task force--
we're just gonna end up just choking each other out. No one wins. We have to be smarter than a loaded g*n, eh?
JAX: I know us handing off the g*n trade to Marks upset the balance. It's hard to explain--
it was historical shit. I was so focused on moving us away from the IRA, I didn't give a shit about blowback. That was a mistake. For better or worse, I got a relationship with Barosky. You guys bump up against him at the port, I can help. Or, at the very least, I got no trouble looking the other way. We got tight with Connor Malone, he's the boots on the ground here for the Irish. I can't take back any of the business we gave to black, but I can get you access to the Irish g*n you currently don't have. At the very least you can increase your business to your customers outside of Sanwa.
LIN: It's a start.
JAX: SAMCRO's throwing me a little homecoming bash tonight. At our new adult entertainment facility.
ALVAREZ: You talking about that shitty p*rn warehouse on the docks?
JAX: When you say it like that, kind of loses all its magic. Why don't you join us. Bring your family, your crew.
I'll invite Connor, you guys can have an easy, informal chat.
LIN: No offense, but the last time my family entered a warehouse with the Irish and your crew, no one came out alive.
JAX: Bohai came at us for what the Irish did to you. We had no idea that retaliation was going down.
LIN: Well, my uncle didn't handle things the way I would've. Old world shit.
JAX: I understand your concern about walking into a trap, but my family's gonna be there, friends, probably some kids. Nothing's going down on our end, except some Jack and beer.
OSO: Niners?
JAX: Apart from the Grim Bastards, won't be any black to slam into.
NERO: Hey, you all come by. If it feels right, you stay. If not, we figure out another place and time.
(Lin clears throat)
LIN: Your, uh, escorts gonna be serving snacks?
NERO: Snacks, absolutely.
LIN: Think maybe I can convince my guys to roll by.
ALVAREZ: I'll make it work.
JAX: Good. We'll call you with a time.
CHIBS: Looks like everyone's friendly.
JAX: Things are moving fast. We're throwing me a little party tonight at the studio. I want it packed. p*rn stars, Diosa, friends, croweaters. And Gemma.
CHIBS: Aye, we’ll make it happen.
JAX: Track down Connor, need him there, too.
TIG: Jax, that was T.O. on the phone-- they found the Impala. An apartment on Cranston.
BOBBY: - That's Niner hood.
TIG: Yeah, it is, and he didn't want to make a move until you cleared it with Tyler first.
JAX: Don't worry about the Niners. Tell T.O. we're on our way.
TIG: - Yeah.
BOBBY: You don't want to head home?
JAX: Bastards could be useful tonight. I might need T.O. owing me a favor.
JAX: What's up, T.O.?
STICKY: It's the corner unit.
T.O.: Girlfriend came out about ten minutes ago, had a smoke and then went back inside. Not sure who else is in there.
JAX: That's a brand-new Rover. Little high end for this address.
CHIBS: I don't like it. Impala just sitting there. No East Dub.
BOBBY: Flint would've given DuLain a heads up.
OG could have a crew just waiting for the door to kick open.
JAX: Maybe. Anyone want to find out?
(van door opens)
CHIBS: Why not?
(muffled music playing)
Front room is empty.
(music grows louder)
CHIBS: Watch the front.
(woman moans)
Oh, yes.
(woman gasps)
Yeah.
(man groans)
No, wait, wait.
(man screams)
T.O.: - Oh, shit.
JAX: - We okay?
TIG: Yeah.
QUINN: What the hell?
JAX: Hey, go back out front, make sure no one heard the sh*ts.
QUINN: Yeah.
BOBBY: We got a problem. He ain't East Dub. More like Piedmont Grace. Assistant pastor.
(man groaning)
JAX: Check their IDs.
CHIBS: Jesus.
T.O.: Oh, g*dd*mn it. White dude-- another assistant pastor.
TIG: Oh, boy. This here's Reverend Jonathan Haddem, head pastor. Piedmont Grace Center for God. And apparently women's lingerie.
T.O.: The OG that k*lled my guys ain't here.
BOBBY: We got to clean this mess up.
(low groan)
QUINN: Bobby? It's registered to the church.
BOBBY: That's a serious congregation. Lot of dough.
HAPPY: All quiet in the projects.
JAX: Quinn? Wait till it's dark, take West and Montez, get the bodies out of there.
QUINN: All right.
CHIBS: Hey, burn
'em at Skeeter's?
JAX: No. Too much exposure. Chigger Woods. Keep them shallow and marked.
QUINN: - Got it.
T.O.: Sorry I led you guys to this. Jax. My table is shrinking, man. Yeah. Not sure how much longer I can hold the charter. We got to find this n*gg*r who k*lled my crew. Maybe give us some juice.
JAX: I get it, bro. It's all good. We're gonna find your OG. We're not gonna let you fold.
T.O.: - Thanks.
JAX: - All right.
JAX: - Hey, I might need a favor tonight.
T.O.: - Yeah, whatever you need.
JAX: All right.
JAX: All right, let's h*t it.
LYLA: I'm gonna help Jax launch it, and if it works out, I'll run it.
GEMMA: In front of the camera?
LYLA: No. Producer.
I'm tired of squats and waxing.
GEMMA: Hmm. Me, too. I'm thinking of bronzing my clit, turning it into a necklace.
(Lyla laughs)
(Lyla clears her throat)
LYLA: You may want to hold off on that jewelry project. He misses you.
NERO: - Hey.
LYLA: - Hey.
NERO: - Mind if I sit?
GEMMA: - No.
NERO: Man, they really cleaned up this old shit hole.
GEMMA: Talking about the warehouse, right?
NERO: Yes.
GEMMA: - You see Jax?
NERO: - Yeah. We talked.
GEMMA: Good.
NERO: You know why I had to put some distance here, right?
GEMMA: Yeah, I get it. Street calls, you got to handle your shit.
NERO: I don't answer to the street anymore. I'm just trying to help the people that I care about... not die in it.
GEMMA: How's that going?
NERO: I think we might be okay. I love you, Gemma.
GEMMA: Yeah. Me, too. So, what happens now?
NERO: One day at a time?
GEMMA: I hate that shit.
WENDY: Hey. It's me. So, I spoke to Gemma. You can stay for a few days till you figure things out. I'll go stay with her.
JUICE: - Thank you.
WENDY: - Okay. And I, um, picked you up some fresh fruit and some water and shit. And some cleaning supplies in case you get bored.
JUICE: Okay. Thanks.
(knocking)
WENDY: It's Unser. It's my ride. Gemma thought I should leave you the car in case you need to leave in a hurry.
(knocking)
JUICE: - Okay.
WENDY: - Okay? I got to let him in.
JUICE: I'm sorry.
UNSER: - Hi.
WENDY: - Hey. Be ready in a minute. I just got to pack a bag.
UNSER: Okay. Take your time. See you gave the place a pretty good cleaning.
WENDY: Yup. Got a little carried away.
UNSER: Little bit. Glad you talked to Jax, worked it out.
WENDY: Yeah, me, too.
UNSER: A little surprised Gemma's letting you stay there.
WENDY: Well, it's just for a few days. Give her a chance to catch up. It'll be good to be close to the boys.
UNSER: You, uh, bringing these groceries?
WENDY: No. Hey, can you grab my coat out of the closet?
UNSER: Yeah, sure. Which one?
WENDY: The long leather one.
UNSER: - Here.
WENDY: - All right, thanks.
UNSER: - All set?
WENDY: - Yup. Let's do it.
♪♪
(loud music playing)
(crowd chatter)
CHIBS: You have the leverage here, brother.
JAX: Look, you don't agree to sell Lin the hardware till you find out who his buyers are and when they're hitting the street. That's a request you'd make of anyone.
CHIBS: Listen, just get us that intel. After that, you're not part of this.
CONNOR: Did you clear all this with Marks?
JAX: August is in New York. He'll be back in a few days. We'll bring him up to speed.
CHIBS: It's a win-win.
CONNOR: I like my wins one at a time.
JAX: Are we doing this?
CONNOR: Aye, I’ll talk to them.
(Connor sighs)
JAX: You remember Connor Malone?
LIN: Yeah. Ryu Tom. He was my uncle's number two.
CONNOR: Circumstances are a little less daunting from the last time we met. Wouldn't you say so?
TOM: Hopefully, a little less bloody, too.
JAX: That's right. No more blood. Come on, let's sit down. We'll get you some drinks.
JAX: Lyla? Get them some drinks?
UNSER: Ah.
(cocks g*n)
JUICE: Get up.
UNSER: How are we doing, son?
(loud music playing)
GEMMA: Need a refill?
DUN: No, I'm good.
GEMMA: This place is crawling with free p*ssy and p*rn-hos that are getting paid to fill every orifice with Asian cock. (Dun laughs) You're sitting here all by yourself, doing that Shaolin monk thing.
(Dun laughs)
DUN: Somebody's got to be on the job.
GEMMA: Right.
DUN: No offense, but, uh, you sound like a mom.
(Gemma laughs)
GEMMA: I am. That's my son, guest of honor.
DUN: Got it. Nice to meet you.
GEMMA: How about you? No wife and kids?
DUN: Nah. Didn't expect to be alive this long.
GEMMA: Yeah. Tell me about it. Well, you enjoy yourself.
DUN: You, too.
JAX: Chibs. I'm gonna need that favor.
T.O.: Okay. What's going on?
JAX: Chinese guy at the bar, yellow shirt. I need you to follow him when he leaves. Take him down. I need him alive.
T.O.: What if he's got somebody with him?
JAX: They'll just see black hands. Keeps us off Lin's radar.
CHIBS: We got masks and everything you need in the van.
(paper crinkling)
JAX: Bring him here.
T.O.: (sighs) I got to know what this is about, Jax.
GEMMA: What do you need, baby?
JAX: Tell him.
GEMMA: The night Tara was k*lled, I was, um, coming over to Jax's house to pick up some things for the boys. When I got close, I, um... I saw someone in a Mercedes waiting in the driveway. Then this guy, he runs by the side of the house, coming out the back door. Threw his jacket and some other shit in the trunk and hopped in the car. And I... went real slow when they passed by. Got a real good look at that guy that was in the house. It was him. I didn't know Tara was inside. I left. Went looking for the club.
T.O.: Shit.
JAX: The Chinese k*lled Tara.
T.O.: All right.
♪ ♪
BOBBY: Jax, T.O. delivered.
JAX: Connor said things went well.
LIN: Yeah. We'll see how it goes. Thanks for the hospitality.
JAX: Least I could do.
♪ ♪
(beep)
(knocking)
WENDY: Hey.
NERO: Uh, uh, I'm sorry to... barge in. I'm looking for Gemma.
WENDY: Oh, it's okay. Come on in. She's not home yet.
(thunder rumbling)
♪ ♪
NERO: - I got him.
WENDY: - Yeah? Thanks.
NERO: Hey, Thomas.
(speaking indistinctly)
It's coming.
♪ ♪
GEMMA: Sorry about the Wendy of it all. Didn't see that shit coming. I actually kind of believe her. I don't think she's trying to replace you. Or me. Probably be good for the boys, having her around. I trust her. For now. You're all set. Good night, baby.
JAX: Good night, Mom.
♪ ♪
(crying softly)
JAX: You k*lled my wife.
(Dun shouting indistinctly)
I know. You're just a soldier. Lin made the call.
(Dun crying)
But what you did to her, how you did it... I'm gonna make sure you feel that.
(Dun shouting indistinctly)
♪ ♪
(Dun crying)
♪ ♪
(shouting indistinctly)
(shouting indistinctly)
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
NERO: It's okay, mama. I'm here. It's all gonna be fine.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
(muffled moaning)
♪ ♪
JAX: Hey. Hey. Stay with me.
(Dun moaning)
We're almost finished. We're almost finished.
♪ ♪
(crunching)
(crunching)
♪ ♪ | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "07x01 - Black Widower"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on "Sons of Anarchy"...
Jax: Hey, Jury.
Jury: Good to see you, Jax.
Jax: I'm gonna move redwood into more legitimate enterprises.
I want us out of g*n.
Gemma: You told Wendy I was hiding you from the club?
What else?
Juice: That they want me d*ad.
Gemma: You got to go soon. Jax is out.
Any luck with Tara's case?
Evidence? Suspects? Anything?
Unfortunately, no. It's been very difficult finding people willing to cooperate.
Althea Jarry's taking over the sheriff's office tomorrow.
She could benefit from your history lessons.
I'm afraid my badge and g*n days got flushed away a long time ago.
Samcro's throwing me a little homecoming bash tonight.
Why don't you join us? Bring your family, your crew.
I think maybe I can convince my guys to roll by.
Get up.
The night Tara was k*lled, I got a real good look at that guy that was in the house.
It was him.
You k*lled my wife.
(Muffled shouting)
(Lawnmower whirring in distance)
I missed this, you know?
Yeah.
Me, too.
I'll bet you wish that you never bought me that drink.
Your life would be a whole lot simpler.
Simple but not as fun.
We find who we supposed to find, mama.
Yeah.
Guess so.
Wendy: Mom. Dad.
Gemma: Morning.
Coffee's hot.
Wendy: (Sighs) You know, you shouldn't be smoking around the boys.
Nero: I tell her that.
Gemma: I got Abel down to half a pack a day.
Oh... all right.
Wendy: Oh, hey. Did you know about Abel starting pre-k?
Gemma: Yeah, Tara mentioned it.
This place any good?
Wendy: Yeah.
Pilgrim Grove. It's really progressive.
Meaning?
Meaning he should go, Gemma.
This isn't the family being lazy.
This is the beginning of his education.
(Gemma sighs)
Gemma: Yeah.
Okay.
Well, the deposit's due today. You should go check it out.
No, no, you go. I'll write the check.
I don't have a car.
Nero: This Pilgrim... it's, uh... it's by quail lake, right?
Wendy: Yeah.
Nero: I'm headed over to Stockton.
Uh, I can give you a lift.
Wendy: Yeah?
Thanks.
Gemma: Good.
Good. I'm gonna go out back and, uh, give the azaleas cancer.
Nero: She grows on you.
(Motorcycles rumbling)
(Train horn blows in distance)
Rat boy: Shit, man.
We been here for over four hours.
You think Connor was wrong?
Tig: I think you should stop whining.
I'm just saying, what if Lin ain't moving his shit today?
What if you stopped asking questions?
What if you weren't such a dick?
What if, when we're done here, we go to your house and I r*pe your mama?
What if you find her on top of your dad slamming a big black dildo in his ass while he's calling out my name?
Nice touch.
Thanks.
(Unser grunts)
(Sighs)
Juice: How'd you know I was here?
Unser: I didn't. I, uh... saw your backpack in the closet. Uh... seemed out of place.
You, uh...
You hiding from the club?
About Tara?
No.
Old sins.
How'd you land here?
Oh.
Wendy just got out.
Only other people with keys are me and Gemma.
What are we doing here, son?
You can go.
(Unser grunts)
Got no place I got to be.
Seriously?
What if I change my mind?
You won't.
What's Jax gonna do if he finds you?
What do you think?
Right.
Old sin.
Must be a bad one.
You got a plan?
To get out of charming?
A destination?
What do you care?
No.
Not really.
You want my help?
Tig: Here they go.
Jax: Yeah?
Tig: Yeah, it's me.
Looks like they're about to move out.
There's two in the truck and I think about another four following.
Jax: All right. Let me know when it lands.
Tig: All right.
Jax: Truck's heading out. Call Jury.
Tell him we should be in Selma within two hours.
We'll meet him at Mario's off of 117.
Bobby: Okay.
Chibs: You want a full ride?
Jax: Nah, keep West and Montez on my family.
Everyone else.
Chibs: Of course. Right.
Rat boy: They're coming this way.
Tig: Mm-hmm.
Rat boy: Should we move?
Tig: Nope. I'm just a guy on a shady street getting cheap head.
Rat boy: What?
Tig: Come here.
Rat boy: Oh, shit! (Tig sighs)
Are you serious?
Tig: Shut up. Think gay thoughts.
(Moans)
Rat boy: Like I have a choice.
(Tig moaning)
Rat boy: So not cool.
Tig: Yeah.
Rat boy: They gone?
Tig: Oh!
Not yet.
Oh! Not yet.
Rat boy: Dude! Are...?
Tig: Don't fight it.
Rat boy: Are...?
Tig: Take it all.
Rat boy: Are you getting hard?
(Tig laughing)
Rat boy: Jesus!
(Car engine starts)
Jax: August.
August: Jackson.
Nero set up the meet. I pitched the idea to Lin.
He liked it.
And the Irish can fill the orders?
Yeah, it's just some aks and mods.
Money goes to Lin's buyers down south.
A few triad sets that run heroin in the I.E.
You trust that'll satisfy his need for retribution?
It's a start. Plus, that's brown and yellow start wrapping their head around you being g*n king.
August: That's good. Smart, Jackson.
It's just survival, man.
August: Yes. It is.
Any word on what happened to your wife?
Nothing yet.
Whatever we find out... and I promise, we'll find out the truth... you need to understand that the revenge can't land on the street right now.
Same way I didn't strike back on the Mayans for what happened at the junkyard.
It would kick off a street w*r. We might sell a few more gats to the locals, but all that heat? Crushes our expansion.
Greatest lesson Mr. Pope taught me was patience.
In business or the street. Don't matter.
If your emotions say "now," your head's got to say "later."
Clarity... settles all scores.
Pays back all debts.
Understood.
When I find out who k*lled my wife, I won't do a thing until the time is right.
♪ Riding through this world
♪ all alone
♪ God takes your soul
♪ you're on your own
♪ The crow flies straight
♪ a perfect line
♪ On the devil's bed
♪ until you die
♪ Gotta look this life
♪ in the eye.
S07E02
Toil and Till
(Knocking)
Eglee: Wayne Unser's here to see you.
Althea: Yeah, okay.
Unser: It's good to see you again.
Eglee: You, too.
Althea: Mr. Unser, how can I help you?
Unser: Uh...
You get a chance to talk to Patterson... about me, maybe, uh, helping out a bit?
I got the impression from Thyne that you weren't interested.
Unser: Oh. Well, I...
(Sighs)
I've given it some more thought.
Where do you land on it?
Well, if you're worried I see it as a thr*at, don't be.
I know Charming has a complicated, bloody history.
I'm not fooled by the Mayberry setting; I'm very aware of what happened to the last person sitting in this chair.
Unser: Right.
I like the idea of having someone local to consult with.
Unser: Is that what I would be?
A, uh... consultant?
I believe the official title is "Consulting Investigator."
It comes out of the county task force budget, so it doesn't chew into my luxurious perks.
It's part-time pay, but Patterson got you on the county insurance plan.
Sorry about the cancer.
Unser: Me, too.
Althea: Fill those out.
Eglee can take your picture for the I.D.
You can carry, but you have to supply your own g*n.
Second thoughts?
Unser: Uh...
(Chuckles): I wish.
Um, I'm somewhere in the, uh, trillions at this point.
A terminal malady tends to do that.
Constant state of, uh, self-evaluation.
That sounds very unpleasant.
I'm gonna want to see everything you have on Tara Knowles's m*rder.
Althea: Why's that?
Unser: Just... bringing myself up to speed.
Want to be the best "Consultant" I can be.
There's one Sons of Anarchy member that we haven't been able to question...
Ortega?
Unser: Ortiz.
Juice.
Althea: Right.
Any idea where we can find him?
These guys come and go all the time. Charters up and down the coast... he could be anywhere.
You think he might know something?
Unser: About Tara?
I doubt it.
Juice is kind of, uh... like a child.
Not too savvy.
Althea: As opposed to the other leather-clad mensa members?
Unser (Scoffs): Oh.
Don't buy into that white trash myth, ma'am.
These guys are not cretins.
Jax Teller is formidable.
As smart as he is dangerous.
Althea: Good to know.
Take it easy, Mr. Unser.
Unser: I'll try.
You have a nice day.
(Door closes)
Brooke (Laughs): Hey.
I know.
(Thomas murmurs)
Gemma: Hey.
Here we go. Hi, baby.
I'm gonna take these guys to TM.
Brooke: Okay.
Gemma: Chucky will watch him while I catch up on some work.
Brooke: Okay.
Gemma: Hi, sweetheart.
Here we go.
Brooke: Um, could I...
He keeps asking questions about his mom and wants to know when Jax is gonna be back, and I didn't know what to tell him.
Gemma: I'll talk to him. Here.
Brooke: Come here. Let's go get something to eat.
Come on.
Gemma: Hey, sweetie.
What we building?
Abel: Nothing.
Gemma: You know, your daddy's gonna be home real soon.
Loves you so much.
Abel: Were you there when mommy went to heaven?
Gemma: No, baby.
Abel: How do you know that's where she went?
Gemma: Because your mommy was an angel.
And all angels go to heaven.
Are you okay, grandma?
Always.
Always.
Brooke: So are you taking Abel or...?
Gemma: No. Best he plays here.
Jury: Hey, bro.
Jax: Appreciate you coming.
Jury: Good to see you home.
Quinn: Guys, follow me up here, man.
Jury: I know how deep this is for you, brother.
Indian hills has got your back.
What happened to Tara... that shit should never happen.
I'm sorry.
Jax: Yeah.
Thank you.
I just need to let my crew know what else you're gonna need from us.
We've been doing some muling for the Vegas triads into Mexico.
Jax: Look, Jury, striking back at the Chinese is Redwood's w*r.
If you're worried about blowback reaching Nevada...
I'm here to help, Jax.
I just need to know the game plan.
Jax: Mm-hmm.
Bobby: We're gonna unravel Lin... take apart his business, fracture all his relationships.
But for now, no one can know it's us.
August Marks doesn't want us to trip up his g*n expansion with some street w*r.
And he cannot know that we're the ones gutting Lin.
Black is not an enemy we want right now.
Jury: It's ambitious.
Where does it end?
Jax: I'm gonna wait till Lin's vulnerable, out of allies, and I'm gonna reach out, offer him a helping hand.
Once I'm inside, got his total trust, I'm gonna let him know that I was the one who ruined him.
Then I'm gonna look around his table, at his men, his family, ask him who he wants spared.
First person he points to... that's who I'm k*lling.
And then everyone else he cares about.
I'm gonna let him live in the agony of that for a little while.
And then I'm gonna end him... as slowly and painfully as possible.
(Jury sighs)
Jury: I understand your personal need here, son.
But the level of payback you're talking about pulls the club in a very different direction.
The last time I heard you share your vision, you were talking about cutting the ties to the things that were k*lling us.
Jax: I don't have a vision anymore.
All I see is what's right in front of me.
(Car doors closing)
Chibs: This the local muscle?
Jury: Yeah.
Chibs: Where'd you find them?
Jury: One of my whores.
We can trust them.
Jax: Get a 20 on Tig.
Chibs: All right.
Hey, brother. Lin's truck just pulled down a private road, local farm.
It's too risky to follow him, man. No other way in or out.
Chibs: Where are you?
Tig: Where are we?
County 201.
Rat boy: Lower McCall...
Lower McCall is the closest cross-street; It's about two miles east.
Tig: Did you get that?
Chibs: Yeah. Stay out of sight.
We're on the way.
Truck just pulled off a private road, a farm, just off the 201.
Jax: Let's do it.
Chibs: Yeah.
Jax: Jury?
Let's h*t it Chibs, see if they'll sell us some of those bales.
Chibs: Sure.
Well, I have to be clean for 18 months before I can get my certification back.
I test every other week.
And they're still holding a spot for you over at sober living?
Wendy: No. (Chuckles)
You'd think I'd have my own wing by now.
(Chuckles)
Is that your story? Rehab?
Nero: Oh, yeah. They call it Chino.
I signed up for 30 days, but they thought I needed a few more.
3,627 more.
Wendy: Nice.
(Both laugh)
The 12-step program, huh?
Nero: Yeah, right.
First step, you admit you need drugs to the wrong guy.
Then you get stomped on by six pissed-off norteños.
And they take all your dough, cut off all your hookups.
And you spend the next two weeks on a cold cement floor in a puddle of your own blood and piss, bending out of a soul-crushing 2k-a-day opiate habit.
Wendy: Wow.
Nero: Mm-hmm.
You make me look like a p*ssy.
(Laughs)
Let's just say I ran out of good ideas.
I stopped taking my own advice.
Yeah, unfortunately, I, uh, still think I have good ideas.
You go to meetings?
That's not really my thing.
Uh, I go to church, unload on the priest.
I see my kid a lot.
He keeps the wound fresh.
He's got spina bifida.
His mom was a junkie.
Oh, shit. I'm-I'm sorry, I...
No.
I wasn't making a judgment call.
Wendy: It's okay. It's okay. I know.
It's crazy how I can just forget that shit, you know?
What I did to my son.
Nero: What? No, no!
Y-you cleaned up.
I mean, you stumbled a bit, but you know what's right.
That's why you're back, right? For your boy.
He's gonna know that.
That truth will work itself out.
There's this part of me that, uh... it gets off on-on all the shit that Jax and Gemma stir up.
It's like the more broken the family gets... all the lies and the v*olence and Tara's death... the more I want to be there.
I mean, I know it's to help, but...
Nero: It makes you look like the healthy one.
Wendy: Yeah. That's some scary shit, huh?
Nero: Yeah.
(Both laugh)
Hey. Here's what I know, Wendy.
And it's true on the street as much as it is with my family.
If I stay in truth and I just give it to people straight, you know... no lies, no spin, no games...
I always know that whatever happens, it's gonna be the right thing, you know?
Whether I like or not.
(Chuckles)
Wendy: Even if that thing is, like, k*lling a guy?
Nero: Really? I'm trying to impart spiritual wisdom here, and you're gonna go step on my zen with, like, gangster shit?
(Wendy laughs)
Wendy: Okay, I'm sorry.
(School bell ringing)
All right, you coming in with me?
Nero: No. No, I-I got to get over to port.
I'll pick you up in, like, an hour or so.
Aw, come in with me.
Gemma could flip on this whole school thing, and I'm gonna need backup.
And she would listen to you. It won't take long.
Please?
Nero: All right. Um, but you're gonna have to take a ride with me over to the port in Stockton afterwards.
Wendy: That's cool.
We can go visit all my old drug dealers.
(Laughs)
Nero: So, who do we say we are?
Wendy: I don't know.
The nanny and the gardener?
Nero: I'm gonna pretend you didn't even say that.
Tig: All right. Silver BMW, panel truck pulled onto that private road about five minutes ago, brother.
It's got to be the buyers.
All Asian, three deep in the Sedan, single driver in the truck.
Jax: All right, we do it now.
Tig: All right.
(Indistinct chatter)
What the hell is this?
I don't know.
No one's supposed to be working today.
Get them out of here.
(Men shouting)
Jax: Yo, finish them!
Chibs: Go, go, go!
Shit!
(Chibs yells)
Jax: Chibs!
Chibs: Keep going!
Jesus Christ!
(Grunting)
I'm okay!
Let's get these g*dd*mn rice monkeys!
Jax: Shit.
Get down, brother!
(Grunts)
Chibs: Nice driving.
Hey! Monkey!
Oh, shit!
Jax: That's Lin's?
Chibs: He asked you a question.
Yes! Triads trade their w*apon for heroin.
(Grunting)
Jax: Take it.
Chibs: Cheers.
Chibs: Take all the g*n.
You should call Barosky. Tell him we need some storage for the hardware.
Bobby: The docks?
Jax: Yeah. Somewhere his guys can keep an eye on it.
Jury: What about the smack?
Jax: We weren't expecting the drugs.
We'll store it with the g*n for now; I got a couple ideas who might want it.
Chibs: Like, uh, 50/50 with, uh...
Indian Hills?
Jax: You good with that?
Jury: Yeah.
And the pile of slants?
Tig: Oh, we got that, brother, we got it.
Chibs: Thanks, Jury.
Jury: Yeah.
Chibs: Good job.
(Truck approaching)
Tig: Let's clean this up.
Renny: That shit was crazy fun, man.
Jax: Yeah, I'm sorry about the truck.
Gib: Yeah, it's cool, man. It was a junker anyhow.
Hey, thanks for the work.
Jax: Nah, let me make it right.
Let me know where I can have my guys drop off some cash.
Gib: Yeah?
Hey, man, that'd be awesome. Thanks.
(Scribbling)
Barosky: One of Collette's girls?
Nero: No.
Teller's ex.
Little Abel's mom. She's been looking after the kids since...
She needed a ride.
Barosky: Yeah. Some sad shit about his old lady.
Oso: You babysitting for Teller now?
Nero: (Speaks Spanish)
Those kids lost their mom.
I'm just helping Gemma pick up the pieces.
So... I understand the Mayans got a little business happening waterside.
Oso: That's right.
Moving up some coffee from our growers in Central America.
You got a place to store your beans?
Yeah. But you don't need to know where.
Don't tell me what I need, amigo.
One phone call, I know where you're holding space.
On the other hand, you telling me... see, that lets us establish a little trust.
(Oso chuckles)
Oso: You got it all locked down, don't you, teniente?
Nero: Whoa, what, are we gonna turn this into a pissing contest here?
Business, eh.
Business. You need each other.
Oso: Yeah.
We're on Port Road six.
Got some family in the ILW. He hooked me up.
You got product there now?
Yeah.
How often you loading in and out?
Shipments from Quetzal will be coming in once a month.
We'll need access to the coffee two, three times a week.
Folks got to have their lattes.
What's your piece, Charlie?
Oso: No piece.
Flat fee. Week to week.
That's the way Alvarez wants it.
All righty, but you're asking a whole lot of folks look the other way.
It's gonna take at least five k, make everybody happy and quiet.
Oso: Hmm.
You know, the dirty cops in Oakland were smart.
Never got greedy.
Never let the power go to their heads.
Nero: All right, homie, come on, now...
Barosky: No, no, no. It's all right. Let him finish, man.
I enjoy it when I hear a r*pist share a good law enforcement anecdote.
What? You don't think I did a little homework on you?
That r*pe's at the top of your rap sheet, Oscar.
How old was that girl? 17, right?
Nero: You know, you're a scumbag just like the rest of us, Charlie.
And that was your move, so you don't get to sit here and play "good cop" anymore, eh?
Oso: I'll take your offer to the table.
We'll let you know.
(Doorbells jingle)
Barosky: I don't think he likes me.
Run another patrol around Collette's place.
The Navy freaks, they're getting a little rowdy.
They're bothering the neighbors.
Mona, right now you're the only w*tback I don't want to see d*ad.
(Machine clicking)
Unser: Hey, kids.
Where's the little monsters?
Mm. At the house. With Brooke.
Where the hell you been?
Uh, pajama party.
Chucky.
You, uh, give us a minute?
You okay with that?
Yeah.
Chucky: All right. I'll be right outside.
Should we have, like, a signal or something?
I'll scream for help.
Okay, that'll work.
Gemma: He's very protective.
Unser: I see that.
(Groans)
(Sighs)
You look like shit, Wayne.
(Unser sighs)
Unser: I didn't sleep much.
Spent the night in a bathtub, bound and gagged.
Gemma: Wow.
What'd that cost you?
Unser: Nothing.
Juice didn't charge me.
I know you been helping him, Gem.
Gemma: Shit.
How'd you know he was there?
Wendy?
I... spotted Juice's bag there when I... was picking her up.
Went back to check it out after I dropped her off.
Gemma: What'd he say?
Unser: Not much, at first.
Neither did I.
That would be the "bound and gagged" part of the story.
Gemma: Oh, Jesus Christ.
Unser: He cut me loose.
He's all twisted up, Gem.
Told me why you were helping him.
It's a good thing.
You putting friendship over club rule.
I know that choice didn't come easy.
Gemma: No. It didn't.
Unser: I told juice, I'll tell you.
Let me know... if there's anything I can do to help.
I'm tired of counting bodies, too.
Gemma: Thank you, Wayne.
(Unser groans)
Unser: I'm gonna go lay down a little.
Gemma: Yeah.
Bring you some tea?
Unser: That would be nice.
Oh. Come on.
Get in there.
Copacetic?
Perfect.
Chibs: All right.
Jax: Did you get it?
Chibs: Oh, yeah.
Jax: That'll help.
Bobby: Think Lin knows yet?
Jax: He will before we h*t Modesto.
(Gemma sighs)
Gemma: Here you go, sweetheart.
(Panting)
(Sniffles)
Nero: So that's gonna be, like, five days a week?
Wendy: Yeah, but you start slow.
Half days. Let the kids adjust a little.
Nero: Grandma's the only one that's gonna need adjusting.
Wendy: Oh, yeah. (Laughs)
Nero: Whoa.
Wendy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's this guy doing?
Nero: Get down. Get down, get down, get down, get down.
Shit.
It's-it's okay. Just, uh... just stay here.
Wendy: What's going on?
Nero: I don't know.
What the hell is this?
Someone h*t my g*n delivery in Selma.
All we found was a lot of blood and an overturned truck.
Six of my guys, four of my best customers are MIA, along with my g*n and compensation.
Nero: Wow, o-okay. So why you going all GTA on me?
I'm here with your partner trying to help secure the port.
Lin: Only ones outside of my circle who knew about that delivery were the g*dd*mn Irish. They must've told Teller.
The MC h*t my delivery.
Nero: Oh, no, no, no.
That-that makes no sense. Come on, Henry, Jax set this up.
He got you the Irish g*n. Why the hell would he want to take it down?
Lin: I don't know.
That's why you're gonna find him and bring him to me.
Now.
Shit.
All right. All right, I'll try.
Don't try, Nero. Do it.
Détente is over.
(Car door closes)
(Engine starts)
So I guess you heard all that.
Yep.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna revoke my diplomatic immunity.
Juice: Shit! What are you doing?!
You do understand the way you stay alive is that people don't know you're here, right?
Juice: Unser found my bag.
Yeah, I got that part of the story.
(Juice sighs)
Juice: How'd it go with the Chinese last night?
Gemma: I don't know.
I picked out one of Lin's guys.
Juice: Jax on board?
Gemma: Whatever that running beef is, it was deep enough for him to believe that Lin's crew k*lled Tara.
He needed it.
Closure.
Juice: Yeah.
Gemma: So, what else you tell Unser?
Juice: Nothing.
He was poking around about Tara.
He said he wanted to help me get out of town.
Why? You think he's bullshitting?
Gemma: Unser's helping the sheriffs with Tara's case.
Hired him to be some kind of consultant.
Juice: Aw, Jesus! What does that mean?
Gemma: Well, he was relieved that I'm keeping you alive.
So I don't think he's gonna out you.
But you know we can't take any chances.
Here, it's a clean burner.
Here's $4,300.
That's all I could get right now.
I-I have money at the shop.
It's the key to my dad's house, directions.
They put it up for sale.
It's empty.
But the power's on.
So you can crash there till we figure out something permanent.
Juice: Gemma...
Gemma: Pack your shit.
Take the junkie's car and go.
Call me when you get there.
There's nothing more to talk about.
You got to leave.
Now.
(Door opens)
Nero: Hey, thanks for coming.
Listen, uh, things have gotten a little unraveled.
Jax: Yeah, we heard about the Chinese g*n.
Oso: Yeah? From who?
Bobby: Fox News. They're blaming Obama.
Jax: We got a pipeline just like you, amigo.
I hope that pipeline has some answers,
'cause Lin is gonna be here any minute.
(Dialing)
(Cell phone ringing)
Hello?
Chibs: Hello?
Jax: It wasn't us, Henry. We met with August this morning.
We've been at the p*rn warehouse since then.
Then it must've been the g*dd*mn Irish.
Maybe Marks has them on a string, too.
Chibs: No, no. Ira don't give a shit about local buys.
And they hate the fact they're working with black.
So, it wasn't Connor.
Jax: Look, I put my Indian Hills charter on it.
They know Selma. They're gonna dig in.
I'll find out who did it.
Lin: All right, you have until noon tomorrow.
If I don't have something by then, I swear to God...
Jax: I get it.
Lin: No, you don't!
I am done playing by n*gg*r rules.
I want my men, my g*n and my heroin.
Let me be very clear, Jackson. If that does not happen, the v*olence will not stop at the Stockton/Oakland borders.
It will come to Charming. I will turn Mayberry into a g*dd*mn k*lling field.
(Knocking)
(Music playing inside)
Gib: Oh, hey, man. Come on in.
Renny: Hey.
Jax: How you doing?
(Door closes)
Chibs: Hey.
Renny: You guys want a h*t?
Jax: Nah, nah. We're good.
For the truck.
Gib: Yeah, thanks for that.
Renny: Thanks.
Chibs: You guys partying all alone?
Gib: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's just us tonight.
Bobby: Yeah?
Chibs: Yeah. That's good.
Jax: Set it.
Chibs: Good?
Bobby: It's good.
Yeah, it's Bobby Munson.
Tell Lin we found the crew that h*t his delivery.
Yeah. Very solid.
White. Out of Selma.
Yeah, I got an address.
Well, you can come out whenever you want.
Tig: We are running out of room out here.
Happy: I know a thousand places to bury bodies.
Tig: Of course you do.
Jury: Hey, Gibby, open up. It's me.
God...
Gibby!
Gibby!
Gibby...
Gemma: So glad you're here, baby.
Wendy: Hey. Good night.
Jax: Good night.
(Crying) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "07x02 - Toil and Till"} | foreverdreaming |
Chibs: Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
Jax: August.
August: Jackson. Any word on what happened to your wife?
Jax: Nothing yet.
August: You need to understand that the revenge can't land on the street.
Jax: I won't do a thing until the time is right.
You k*lled my wife.
(Dun whimpering)
Jury: I'm here to help, Jax. Just need to know the game plan.
Bobby: We're gonna unravel Lin.
Take apart his business.
(g*n)
Triads trade their w*apon for heroin!
(A single g*n)
Renny: That shit was crazy fun, man.
Jax: Let me know where I can have my boys drop off some cash.
Gib: Man, that'd be awesome. Thanks.
Unser: Is that what I'd be? A, uh, consultant?
Althea: I believe the official title is "consulting investigator."
Unser: I'm gonna want to see everything you have on Tara Knowles's m*rder.
Althea: Why is that?
Unser: Want to be the best consultant I can be.
Nero: Things have gotten a little unraveled.
Jax: We heard about the Chinese g*n.
Nero: Lin is gonna be here any minute.
Jax: It wasn't us, Henry. I put my Indian hills charter on it. They're gonna dig in.
Lin: All right, you have until noon tomorrow. If I don't have something by then, I will turn charming into a g*dd*mn k*lling field.
Unser: Spent the night in a bathtub. Bound and gagged.
Gemma: What'd that cost you?
Unser: Juice didn't charge me. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help. I'm tired of counting bodies, too.
Jax: How you doing?
Renny: You guys want a h*t?
Jax: Nah, we're good.
Chibs: Partying all alone?
Gib: Yeah, yeah. It's just us tonight.
(Two g*n)
Bobby: Yeah, it's Bobby Munson. Tell lin we found the crew that h*t his delivery.
Jury: Hey, Gibby, open up. It's me. Gibby! Gib...
Lyla: Action.
(Thunder cracks)
(Electric crackle)
(Electric crackle)
Throw the switch.
(Electrical crackling, whirring)
(Thunder cracks)
Ah... mmm... More power!
(Moans)
More!
(Moaning)
(Crackling)
Ah! (Panting)
Skankenstein lives!
♪ ♪
Skankenstein is... horny.
♪ ♪
(Chuckles)
Lyla: And cut!
Tig: Yeah, baby!
(Men whooping)
Chibs: Yeah! Scorsese ain't got shit on you, baby!
Lyla: Congratulations, boys. That was the first take of a Red Woody production.
Jax: You're a genius.
Lyla: Thank you.
Juice: You said you wanted to help?
Unser: Yeah. And I meant it.
Juice: You're working with the sheriffs.
Unser: I am. But that's about Tara. Something... I need to do.
Juice: How do I know I can trust you?
Unser: You really gotta ask me that? (Sighs) You had me bound and gagged in a bathtub, son. I think I would've already dropped the dime on you if that's what I wanted.
Juice: I need a favor. It's a big one. But it's something that I... need to do. Before I just run away.
Unser: OK. But I'm gonna want a favor, too. About Tara. Anything that can point me in the direction of her k*ller. You give me that... and I'll help you.
Chuck: OK, Abel, I'm purple, and you're orange, OK? Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom...
Gemma: Oh, Jesus.
Nero: Oh, no, that's too heavy for you, Mama.
Gemma: What you got in there? g*n and a*mo?
Nero: Books.
Gemma: Ah... Way more dangerous.
Sandy: Hey, Gemma, are you taking these?
Gemma: Oh, no. I got African crows at home. They'd just shred 'em into cat food. You want 'em?
Sandy: Really? Yeah. I think they're beautiful.
Gemma: Yeah. They really are. They see everything.
(Knocking on door)
Kiki: Sandy. Phone. It's Ken again.
Sandy: Shit. OK.
Gemma: What?
Sandy: It's my dad. He doesn't like what I do... Until he needs money.
(Gemma exhales)
(Birds twittering)
Gemma: Oh...
(Nero clucks tongue)
Gemma: You really have to leave?
Nero: Temporary.
Gemma: Can't believe you're gonna make me schlep out to that Stockton whorehouse.
(Nero chuckles)
Nero: Nah, it just means I'm gonna have to spend a little bit more time at your place.
(Gemma laughs)
Gemma: Yeah, why not? Everyone else is living there.
Nero: Aw, come on. I thought you like a full house. Grandma.
(Gemma laughs)
Gemma: Yeah, I do. I do. Hey... You sure everything's gonna be OK with you and Jax? Seems tense.
Nero: Streets are still a little complicated. You know? But we're gonna get through it. Hey, hey. I-I wouldn't pull you back in is I didn't think that. Hmm?
Gemma: OK.
Tom: We went to Selma. Found the house.
Jax: Was the crew there?
Tom: One of 'em. d*ad. g*n hole in the chest.
Jax: Huh.
Bobby: Shit. Triads get there first?
Tom: I don't know yet. There was a lot of blood and footprints, but whoever did it left a kilo right on the table. It was ours.
Jax: Did you find the rest?
Tom: No. Who were these guys? How'd you get intel on them?
Jax: One of our other charters, Indian Hills, bumped into 'em a couple times hauling g*n back to Nevada. Ex-peckerwoods, move meth and anything else they can steal. They put the word out, right after your buy got h*t, that they had smack to sell.
(Tom chuckles)
Tom: Not very bright.
Jax: That's my point. Figured it had to be them.
Tom: We're gonna dig into this. But for now, Henry will keep a detente in place.
Jax: Fair enough. Let us know if you need help.
(Tom speaks Chinese)
OK.
(Door closes)
Chibs: Think he was lying about that one body?
Jax: I don't know. Why would he?
Bobby: They were both very d*ad. Family and friends could've found them.
Jax: And left the heroin?
Bobby: Yeah...
Jax: Dig into the guy that's M.I.A. See if you can find out who he is. And where the hell he went.
Bobby: I'll call jury.
Jax: Come on, I gotta visit Tully. See if he can move these extra keys.
Tig: Ebony Prince.
Happy: You expecting him?
Jax: No. You're a little early. 12 inches of sl*ve don't sh**t till this afternoon.
August: Get in.
Jax: So much for playful banter.
Chibs: I think they're still a little sensitive about the whole sl*ve thing.
Jax: My bad.
Tig: If he drives, we follow.
Jax: So what's going on?
August: What did Lin's crew want? Saw 'em driving away.
Jax: Just tying down loose ends on the Irish g*n.
August: This doesn't work if we don't trust each other. Trust can't live in the same space as secrets and lies. You agree?
Jax: Yeah.
August: So I'll ask you again. Why were the Chinese here?
Jax: Same reason you're here, August. Chinese g*n buy down in Selma got ambushed. We're the likely suspects. I gave lin proof that we had nothing to do with it. There's not gonna be a w*r.
August: I'll need that proof as well.
Jax: It was local peckerwoods. One of our NV charters got the intel. I gave it to Lin. His crew found them d*ad with a brick of their H. Sloppy amateurs.
August: Very convenient. d*ad alibi. A few kilos still at large. I know they lost four.
Jax: This doesn't work... If we don't trust each other. So, we good?
August: You know the biggest difference between me and Mr. Pope? Damon made his bones being the smartest guy on the street. I made mine being the deadliest. Don't cross me, Jackson. I have no remorse k*lling you... or any of the Sons.
Jax: Change of plan. Visiting white will have to wait.
(Car engine starts)
It's a black day.
♪♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
♪
Jax: What's up, bro?
Tyler: Yo. I'm good, man.
Jax: Hey, thanks for meeting us halfway.
Tyler: No problem. What's pressing?
Jax: Shit. What isn't?
Tyler: I hear that. Shit's getting very complicated, man. Sorry about your old lady.
Jax: Thanks. Sorry about your crew getting h*t.
Tyler: Yeah, me, too.
Jax: August shutting down payback... that can't be going down easy.
Tyler: It ain't. Why am I here, man?
Chibs: August is clamping down on us, too.
Tyler: I know. He thinks you h*t the Chinese g*n buy. Did you?
Jax: The direction I'm headed might not be the same as August.
Chibs: In fact, we may end up running head-on into each other.
Jax: If that happens, I need to know where I stand with the One-Niners.
Tyler: Shit. We don't have independent business like your club. Laroy sold our street to Pope, three years ago. August marks feeds our pipeline. If we shit on that hookup, then we could lose everything.
Tig: Come on, bro, you were solid before Pope. You'll be solid after marks, right?
Jax: What if I promise I'll make sure your crew keeps their turf, stays whole?
Tyler: Shit with the Mayans, my n*gga is all sideways already, man. That's gonna be a hard promise to sell.
Jax: Maybe this will make it easier. Half a key. You move that on your own. Nothing goes to marks. We'll take a nominal bite. You use the profit to give purple a base to break away.
Chibs: And you get the other half once we're sure you're with us.
Tyler: Shit. You did h*t the Chinese.
Tig: Nah. Let's just say it fell off a truck.
Tyler: I have an internal problem. Could complicate things. One of my OGs, Chester Kray, he using this yellow-brown shit storm to make a play. He's splitting off, starting a new set of purple.
Jax: How many going with him?
Tyler: Don't matter. Any divide hurts me. You help me squash that, and I'll make sure that the Niners land with the outlaws.
Unser: I did some digging. I may have an angle on the m*rder.
Althea: That was fast.
Unser: Mmm.
Althea: This from the MC?
Unser: Um, more or less. It might make sense to focus the investigation on Henry Lin's crew out of Oakland.
Althea: Why would the Chinese k*ll Knowles and Roosevelt?
Unser: Look, the MC are getting out of g*n. They're handing over their business to black. The crew under Pope's heir, uh, August Marks The Chinese are upset about that.
Althea: So, why k*ll the wife and not Teller?
Unser: I'm not sure. But Eli was assigned to escort Tara. My guess is he was collateral damage.
Althea: Who's your source, Wayne?
Unser: Somebody paying me back a favor. It's reliable intel. Uh, you should dig in, hand it off to the detectives.
Althea: That consulting badge isn't carte blanche to go rogue.
Althea: It's an a...
Unser: I know, I know. It's an A.D. investigation.
Althea: I need to know who you're talking to.
Unser: And if I want to keep him talking, it's got to be off the record. For now. No disrespect. Ma'am.
(Door opens)
(Door closes)
(Music playing)
(Woman laughs)
(Door handle rattling)
Rat Boy: Shit. I thought she was shopping.
Brooke: Me, too.
Wendy: Brooke? Are you in there? Why is this door locked?
Brooke: Uh, com-coming. One second.
(Music stops playing)
Wendy: Brooke!
Wendy: Oh, Christ. Really? In front of the baby?
Brooke: Uh, he was sleeping.
Rat Boy: And he's, like... a baby.
Wendy: Bad judgment.
(Thomas crying)
I got it.
Brooke: I'm sorry.
Wendy: Hey. It's OK. You're OK. It's OK.
Rat Boy: This was...
Wendy: It's OK... this was all my fault. Don't tell Gemma.
Wendy: She's just a kid. Do not pull her into this.
Rat Boy: I'm not pulling her into anything.
Wendy: Just... Just don't knock her up. OK? Hi, buddy.
Barosky: This better not come back to bite me in the ass, Handsome Jack.
Jax: Come on, Charlie, you can trust me.
Barosky: That's what Custer said to his troops.
Chibs: Charlie, you'll come out looking like a hero.
(Door opens, bell tinkles)
Tig: Jax, I just heard from Chester. Pier 19, bro.
Jax: We'll let you know when it goes down.
Barosky: I'll be here. Waiting for the Indians.
(Engines shut off)
Jax: Thanks for meeting us.
Chester: Yeah.
Tig: Hey, boys, this is a friendly conversation. So we all just relax, right?
Chester: They'll relax when I tell them to. I know you been talking to Tyler.
Jax: Yeah (exhales). He had a few things to say about you. None of them good.
Chibs: That's why we asked you here.
Jax: We're looking for someone in purple who's actually got some balls. Who ain't afraid to stand up to August Marks.
Chester: Yeah, and why's that?
Jax: Lin had my wife k*lled. Marks won't let me retaliate. Same way he won't let your crew pay back the Mayans.
Chester: Boss be the boss. What can you do?
Jax: I can handle my shit. And when I do, boss ain't gonna like it. He's gonna try to turn the Niners against us. I'm looking for some like-minded allies.
Chester: And if you find this ally?
Jax: I'd split the spoils of w*r. But first I'd hand back the g*n the Mayans took from you.
Tig: 'Cause we know where they are.
Jax: Navy docks. Ten minutes away.
Chester: Well, that's bold, I'll give you all that. Your intel any good?
Jax: Oh, yeah. Charlie Barosky. Ex-cop, runs the port. He's on my payroll.
Chibs: We'll be in and out so fast no one will know what happened.
Jax: And you look like a leader.
Chester: OK.
Chibs: See you there.
Gemma: OK, I'm gonna put you on as a contact, which means that you can pick up Abel from school if we need you to.
Chuck: I'm a excellent driver.
Gemma: All right, just keep your claws out of your pants and on the wheel; I'll be happy.
(Clattering)
Sandy: No!
Chuck: What was that?
Gemma: What's that? Whoa.
Sandy: Stop it! No!
(Both grunt)
You can't just take what you want.
Ken: I can take what's mine.
Gemma: What the hell is this?!
Ken: Who's this, your whore queen?
Sandy: Stop it!
Gemma: This dick a john?
Ken: I'm her father. Mind your own business, all of you.
Sandy: He's taking my money again.
Ken: No, you're paying me back, you lying little slut. Where's your g*dd*mn wallet?
Gemma: Get out of here!
Chuck: Gemma... Gemma!
Nero!
(Gemma grunts)
Sandy: No! Daddy!
Chuck: All right. OK, OK!
Sandy: Daddy!
Nero: On women?
Chuck: OK, OK!
Chuck: All right, all right! Easy, easy.
Nero: Baby, baby, you OK?
Gemma: I'm all right. I'm OK.
Sandy (Crying): Daddy.
Ken: Leave me alone.
Sandy: Are you OK? I'm sorry.
Gemma: I'm all right. I'm OK.
(Sandy weeping)
Chuck: Oh, Christ.
Sandy: I'm sorry, daddy.
Ken: Shut up.
Sandy: I'm sorry.
Gemma: Yeah, you don't need to be in there. Here we go. Let's get you something to drink. Huh?
Abel: You're hurt, grandma.
Gemma: I'm fine. Fine.
Abel: What happened to her daddy?
Gemma: He, uh... he did a bad thing.
Abel: Does my daddy do bad things?
Gemma: No. No. Why would you think that? Your daddy is a good man.
Jax: That's it. Gray door, unit 11.
Chester: What, there's no Mayans keeping watch?
Chibs: Shouldn't be. That's what they pay Barosky for.
Tig: All right, you know what, let's play this safe. Hap, you and me will take your two guys and we'll go in the side door.
Jax: Yeah, we'll h*t the front, Tig.
Chester: Well, all right, then. Let's get our g*dd*mn g*n.
Tig: Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Jax: Well... (sighs) there they are.
Chester: Damn, Jax. I see you weren't playing.
Jax: I'm all business, brother.
Chester: Check them out. This one.
(Cell phone ringing)
Jax: Hey, Mom, what's up?
Gemma: "He snores a lot at night. I'm not afraid of monsters. Monsters are my friends."
(Garbled radio transmission)
Jax: Who the hell called the sheriffs?
Chuck: Sandy. Her dad told her to.
Jax: All right.
Gemma: "I can hear them pillow-fight."
Chibs: Mama.
(Gemma sighs)
Gemma: Yeah.
Jax: You OK?
Gemma: Yeah. I'm sorry.
Chibs: Where's the animal that h*t you?
Gemma: He's in the kitchen.
Jax: Did he see it?
Gemma: Not really.
Jax: You good, little man?
(Knocking)
Althea: Shut the door, please. Sheriff Althea Jarry.
Jax: Jax Teller.
Chibs: Chibs.
Althea: I didn't realize this was a family business.
Nero: Well, we're business partners. Uh, we run another place out of Stockton, as well.
Althea: I know.
Jax: This is a rare occurrence for us. We run a legit, quiet business here.
Althea: I get it. All your paperwork's in order. Your permits are up to date. However, Mr. Haas, your employee's father... He's pressing as*ault charges.
Nero: Well, we're gonna be pressing charges, as well, then. He came in here, and he smacked Gemma.
Althea: Mr. Haas says he came by to pick up the money his daughter owed him. They were having a family discussion. Gemma interfered. He told her to back off. Then Mr. Padilla here went to town on him.
Jax: Oh, come on. That doesn't even make sense.
Althea: I'll tell you what. I'll have a chat with the dad, let him know how complicated these things can become.
Jax: Yeah, we'd appreciate that.
Althea: You know what I would appreciate? I would appreciate you helping me find Juan Carlos Ortiz.
He's the only member of your charter that we haven't interviewed about the m*rder.
Jax: Juice split when I was inside.
Chibs: Yeah. He didn't really say much about where he was going.
Althea: That's unfortunate, because if I can't track him down, the DA wants to put out an APB.
Jax: I'll see what I can find out.
Althea: What about the Chinese? Would they have any reason to want to hurt your club?
Jax: Not that I know of. I'm a very big fan of their food.
(Laughter)
Nero: Are we done here? Can I go?
Althea: Yeah. Just stay reachable. I'm sure we can all work together to keep Charming safe and profitable... for everyone.
Understood?
Jax: Yes, ma'am.
Althea: We should connect later... Scotty.
Jax: There is a new sheriff in town. Apparently, she's looking for a profitable relationship.
Chibs: And a good old Glaswegian humpin'.
Nero: I'm gonna let you guys handle all the humping. Barosky called while all this shit was going down. There's trouble at the docks.
Jax: What trouble?
Nero: I don't know, but... I'm going to go down there and find out. Look after your mom.
Jax: Yeah. Hey. APB on Juice is very bad.
Chibs: Mm-hmm. Hey, I'm sure that boy is far, far away.
(Knocking)
Juice: You park in the back?
Unser: Yeah. You, uh, sure you want to do this?
Juice: I have to. You can't back out.
Unser: OK. Let's go.
(Phone ringing)
Jury: Yeah?
Bobby: Jury, it's Bobby Elvis.
Jury: What's up, Bobby?
Bobby: I'm gonna need some intel, my brother. We've been getting some blowback about those guys who helped us with the Chinese.
Jury: What kind of blowback?
Bobby: Well... I heard they've been bragging about what happened. We just need to track 'em down, remind them about... policy.
Jury: Sorry to hear that. That's my bad. I vouched for them.
Bobby: Well, it's not a problem yet, but we just want to find out who they are before it does.
Jury: Of course. Knew the one guy a little bit. Name was Gib. O'Leary, I think it was.
Bobby: Yeah? Well, that helps.
Jury: Sure. Anything else?
Bobby: No. Appreciate it.
Jury: All right. Take care, Bobby. Give my best to Jax.
Bobby: Will do.
(Sighs)
Jax: We took care of your internal problem. Chester won't be making noise no more.
Tyler: I appreciate that. Some of my crew... they're gonna get very nervous when that word gets out.
Chibs: Yeah. But the rest are gonna be very loyal.
Jax: You need to weed out the nervous ones.
Tig: Yeah, man. You do. We don't want to have to do this again.
Tyler: How do I do that?
Jax: Why don't you have someone you trust put out the word that Chester is gathering up anyone who wants to see a change in leadership.
Tyler: His ghost?
Jax: Yeah.
(Phone rings)
Say he's meeting out of town. Stockton. The old Creme Club on Winchester. 4:00.
Tyler: I can do that.
Jax: We're in this together now, brother. You understand that, right?
Tyler: I'm good with that. I'll make the call to August. Let him know about our renegade problem.
Jax: My brother.
Tyler: Appreciate it.
Jax: No doubt.
Tyler: We good. All right, let's roll, baby.
(Engine starts)
Chibs: Jackie. That was the DPO. My parole officer needs to see me.
Tig: What for?
Chibs: I don't know. Just left a message. Be at the diner across from their office in an hour.
Happy: Bullshit check-in. D.O.C. cracking down.
Jax: All right, go. Handle it.
Chibs: Aye.
(Engines start)
(Indistinct chatter)
Nero: Aw, Jesus Christ.
Barosky: A beautiful day in the neighborhood.
Nero: How many?
Barosky: Three one-niners. My guys got a call about something black. Saw the lock blown off the door. They come in here hot. End up dropping all of 'em.
Guyer: We'll dump 'em in Lincoln Village. Give those shitheads something to do. We don't like paperwork.
Barosky: Thanks, Paulie. This cleanup's gonna require something extra in next week's envelope.
Oso: How the hell did the Niners find out where we store our shit?
Barosky: Not my problem. You pay me to protect it. I did. I think it's gonna get worse. There's a one-nine coup going down right now in Oakland. These guys had something to do with it. Word is, Tyler had nothing to do with coming after your g*n.
Nero: Shit. Rogue set looking to arm up.
Oso: Makes them a thr*at got to be dealt with.
Barosky: Exactly, and I don't want it landing here.
Nero: Here?
Barosky: This Niner splinter group is meeting here in Stockton off the grid, gathering up at the old Creme Club down on Winchester. They'll be there today at 4:00.
Oso: How do you know that?
Barosky: I know everything dirty that moves within a ten-mile radius of here. You should take note of that.
(Oso speaks Spanish)
Oso: Oye, collect your crew. We'll meet at the liquor store.
Nero: Hey. This is a Mayan problem.
Oso: No,carnal, it's a brown problem. And you may not want to believe this,ese, but you're in this shit as deep as the rest of us. So be there. Packed.
Vámonos.
(Indistinct chatter)
(Door opens, bell tinkles)
Unser: Yo.
Chibs: What are you doing here?
Unser: Sit down, please. Sit down. I had a friend make that call from the, uh, DPO to get you out here.
Chibs: And why the hell would you do that?
Unser: Uh, sorry.
Juice: I took him at g*n. He had no choice.
Chibs: Jesus Christ. You dumb bastard.
Juice: It's the only way I can get you to come alone. I needed to talk to you.
Chibs: We're way past talking. You should've run when you had the chance, buddy.
Juice: This is all I have. I got no place to run to.
Chibs: What the hell do you want?
Juice: Did the club vote for Mayhem, or is Jax doing this on his own?
(Chibs scoffs)
Chibs: That's none of your business.
Juice: I need to know if there's something I can do to earn my way back. I'll do anything, man. Please.
Chibs: If I were you, I'd take that g*n, put it in my mouth and pull the trigger.
Juice: Keys. You follow me out, I'll put a round in your tires. I'm sorry, brother. I never meant to hurt the club. It's the only family I have. I love you.
Unser: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's a dozen badges between you and the door.
Chibs: Where is he going?
Unser: I have no idea. He's lost, son.
Chibs: I know. That's why he has to go away.
Chibs: He wanted to know if there was a way back into the MC.
Happy: Unbelievable.
Chibs: So I told him to turn the g*n on himself.
Quinn: How'd he get to Unser?
Chibs: Says he turned up at the trailer, middle of the night. Took him at g*n.
Jax: What does Unser know?
Chibs: He knows we want him d*ad. But he doesn't know why.
Jax: All right, we should alert the other charters. He might reach out. Take an envelope to our friendly sheriff.
Chibs: I'll convince her Juice is a d*ad end.
What do you think? Two K?
Jax: Yeah. Get her off the Chinese trail.
Chibs: Aye. Absolutely.
Bobby: I got a name on the missing body from Jury. I gave it to the bounty hunter that's with my ex. Let's see what he turns up.
(Knocking)
Jax: Good.
(Door opens)
Lyla: Some guys out back to see you.
Tig: What color?
Lyla: Black and blacker.
Tig: Let's go.
Chibs: Off your asses.
Jax: I'll be right there.
Quinn: Right on. Chibby...
Chibs...
Bobby: You know... Any time you feel the need to slow this down, we would understand that, too.
Jax: I'm OK.
Bobby: OK.
(Door opens)
(Door shuts)
Gemma: When I think about where this all started... Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if you didn't come back. If Wendy hadn't been such a mess. But then I look at them, and... I realize... it all happened the way it was supposed to happen. Everything, really...
(Knocking at door)
Wendy: Hey. You talking to your birds?
Gemma: Yeah.
Wendy: Unser's here. He needs to talk to us.
Gemma: OK.
Brooke: I got him.
Gemma: Mm-hmm.
Brooke: Hey. Um, thanks for... thanks for not saying anything.
Wendy: Yeah.
Brooke: I love him.
Wendy: You don't even know him.
Brooke: Yes, I do. I... you must've loved Jax when you were together.
Wendy: I still do. I just know I can't be with him.
(Thomas coos)
Unser: I stopped Chibs from going after him. It was a cop diner.
Gemma: Oh, shit. Did Juice tell him who's been hiding him?
Unser: No. I told the Scot he took me at g*n from my trailer. But the DA wants to put out an APB.
Gemma: Oh, Jesus.
Wendy: If Jax finds out he was in town, it's just a matter of time before he realizes where he's been staying.
Gemma: Is he back at the apartment?
Unser: Um, I guess so. Where else would he go?
Gemma: Right, go get him. Physically put him in your car and drive him out of town.
Wendy: Where?
Gemma: Anywhere. Find a hotel in Sutter or San Jose. Just get him out of Sanwa.
Unser: He's a raw nerve. I... I'll go with you.
Gemma: Now would be better than later.
Unser: All right.
Tyler: It started because we couldn't h*t back at the Mayans.
August: How many?
Tyler: Hard to say. Chester has influence. Six... maybe more.
August: You need to k*ll that virus.
Jax: We'll handle it. We're just giving you the heads-up. These rogue guys could strike out at the Mayans.
Tyler: Or the Chinese.
Jax: Shit goes down, you need to know it wasn't us.
August: I got a huge property deal that needs to close, and my business partner's M.I.A. Our investors are already getting skittish. The last thing I need is a g*ng w*r that brings the Feds sniffing around my relationships. End this rogue problem. Now.
Jax: I hate to tell you, Mr. Marks, but the w*r's already on. And you're losing it.
♪ ♪
Yo. This our dog?
Yeah. That's Chester's ride.
Let's do this.
(Engine revs)
Chibs: Sheriff.
Althea: It's Ally. I'm off duty.
Chibs: OK.
Althea: Chip, was it?
Chibs: Chibs. It's Scottish slang for "street blade."
Althea: My God, how old were you?
(Chibs sighs)
Chibs: I was an... angry 19-year-old.
Althea: An angry 21.
Chibs: Wow. On the job?
Althea: Easter dinner. My ex. One of them.
Chibs: Wow.
Althea: That for me?
Chibs: Sure is.
Althea: I was expecting intel on Ortiz.
Chibs: You finding Juice is not gonna help your investigation. And this APB? Well, that's just complicating everything. For everyone.
Althea: Well, that's a call that comes down from above, but I'll do what I can. At the very least, I'll buy you a few days.
Chibs: Right, OK. Not sure where you're getting your intel, but we're all good with the Chinese.
Althea: That a complication as well?
Chibs: I'm just... trying to help you do your job.
Althea: Yeah, I can see that.
Chibs: That's a flexible rate. Based upon your services.
Althea: Understood.
Chibs: We'd also appreciate a heads-up on anything coming down from above.
Althea: And I'd appreciate a heads-up of anything ugly coming up from below.
Chibs: Fair enough.
Althea: Good.
Chibs: Good.
Althea: Ride safe.
Chibs: Thanks.
(Door shuts)
(Engine starts)
Wendy: It's just till you figure out where you want to go.
Juice: Yeah.
Unser: You gotta stay put. That APB goes out, every cop will have your picture. I'll check you in under my name.
Wendy: We'll check on you tomorrow, OK?
Unser: Let's go.
(Knocking on door)
Nero: Hey. She home?
Brooke: Uh, not yet. I'm just doing laundry, but have a seat. Gemma made cake.
Nero: Thanks.
♪
♪
Gemma: Hey, babe.
(Gemma sighs)
Jax: Appreciate you helping out.
Gemma: Oh, of course. You know, any excuse to bake. Rough day?
Jax: Yeah. This will help.
♪
♪
Stay!
Hey! What are you doing? This place belong to Henry Lin. Know who he is? August Marks doesn't give a shit!
(Women screaming)
(Grunts)
Oh, shit! Home run, baby!
(Girl screams)
(Grunting, groaning)
Don't you look at me! Yes, yes, yes! All right, fellas, let's roll! Let's get out of here! Let's go, let's go.
(Woman sobbing)
I might be back for you.
(Laughing, indistinct chatter)
Tig: How'd you boys do?
(Whooping)
T.O.: Oh, yeah! I'm three for three.
Happy: Bastards one, Chinks zero.
Sticky: Yeah, but those were some skinny-ass hoes, man. What's up with that shit?
Tig: Hey, next stop is Chow Foo Spa and Rubs.
Gemma: Hey. Look, um... I'm sorry about today. I had no right getting in your business.
Ken: How'd you find out where I lived?
Gemma: I asked Sandy. I wanted to come by. Peace offering. Say I'm sorry. Uh, pineapple upside-down cake. You might want to put it in the fridge... Get me a drink.
Ken: OK. Come on in.
♪
♪
Ken: So, uh, what can I get you?
(Grunting)
♪
♪
KEN: No, don't... (grunts) Oh, please don't... | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "07x03 - Playing with Monsters"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
(g*n)
Chibs (chuckles): Oh, shit.
Lin: I want my men, my g*n and my heroin.
Jax: It wasn't us, Henry. I gave Lin proof that we had nothing to do with it. So we good?
August: Don't cross me, Jackson. I have no remorse... k*lling you or any of the Sons.
Woman: This place belong to Henry Lin! Know who he is?
Man: August Marks doesn't give a shit!
Tig: How'd you boys do?
T.O.: I'm three for three!
Juice: I took him at g*n.
Juice: He had no choice.
Chibs: What the hell do you want?
Juice: I needed to talk to you.
Chibs: We're way past talking.
Chibs: Where is he going?
Unser: I have no idea. The D.A. wants to put out an APB.
Gemma: All right, go get him. And drive him out of town.
Unser: He's a raw nerve. I'll go with.
Wendy: It's just till you figure out where you want to go.
Unser: I'll check you in under my name.
Woman (moaning): Oh, yes!
Man: Yeah.
(g*n)
Man: Wait, wait. Ahh!
Bobby: We got a problem.
Tig: This here's Reverend Jonathan Haddem, Head Pastor, Piedmont Grace Center for God. And apparently women's lingerie.
(g*n)
Jax: Let's get the bodies out of there. Chigger Woods. Keep them shallow and marked.
Gemma: What the hell is this? This dick a john?
Sandy: He's taking my money again.
Gemma: Get out of here!
Sandy: No. No!
(Nero shouting)
Althea: Mr. Haas. He's pressing as*ault charges.
Gemma: Rough day?
Jax: Yeah.
This'll help.
(Grunting)
Tully: If I find the right size bowl, how much do you think you're gonna be feeding the dog?
Jax: Two cases. High-end rice chow.
Tully: Is that an old Asian recipe?
Jax: That's right.
TULLY: I have some relationship issues to work out, some sharing-the-dog-park shit.
Jax: So is that a yes?
Tully: You're gonna meet my dog walker. He'll make the final call.
Jax: Well, it's gonna have to be soon. Dog food's got an expiration date.
Tully: Yeah.
Jax: What are you doing, man? Cameras.
Tully: Oh, no, I bought this room. They ain't on.
Jax: Then why the hell are we talking in code?
Tully: I miss my dogs.
Jax (sighs): I'm guessing German shepherds.
Girl: Bye, Mom. I'll see you later.
Man: You do good, kiddo. I'll see you later.
Boy: Bye, Dad.
Gemma: I got him.
Harrison: No need. Grandma, I presume?
Gemma: Maybe.
Harrison: Well, I assumed because of what happened.
Gemma: Yeah. I take care of him now.
Harrison: Good morning, Abel.
Abel: Morning.
(Horn honks)
Harrison: So, you stay in the car during drop-off. It just makes things so much quicker.
Gemma: All right, here's your lunch, babe. Come on. Bye, honey.
(Horn honks)
Bye, sweetheart.
Woman: Come with me, Abel. I'll take you to class.
Gemma: You his teacher?
Harrison: One of them. Ms. Harrison.
Gemma: Hi.
(Horn honks)
Harrison: Folks get a little impatient in the morning.
Gemma: Yeah.
(Horn honks)
Woman: Yeah, this is a drop-off. If you want to walk your kids in, you got to park over there...
Gemma: Yeah, I'm sorry. It's my first time. And, uh... if you beep at me again, Mom... I'm gonna shove that cup so far up your ass you're gonna be sh1tting mochaccino for a month.
(Engine starts)
Harrison: Damn, Grandma's kind of crazy.
(Vacuum whirring)
Kiki: Hi.
Nero: Appreciate you helping out.
Colette: Lyla off doing p*rn full-time?
Nero: Behind the camera. She's, uh, running it for Jax. Kiki, uh, she's... great at the door, but, uh... not much of an administrator.
Colette: She is dumb as a rubber thumb.
Nero: I was just trying to be diplomatic.
Colette: I'll help her.
Nero: Thanks.
Colette: So is Jax spending any time here?
Nero: Yeah, he... he checks in every day.
Colette: Is he doing o-okay? I mean... that was some brutal shit.
Nero: Yeah. He's, uh... you know... doing what a guy would do whose wife was m*rder.
Kiki: Um... do I have to use, like, math and stuff to figure out these percentages?
Colette: I'll be here all day if you need me.
Nero: I'll check in later. Thanks.
Gemma: (Sighs) I'm gonna take Wendy's lead on that private school. Expensive as shit. And I just don't get it. I never sent Jax or Thomas to any of that day care or Gym-bob-jamboree shit. Feels lazy to me. Dropping off your kids for strangers to raise. But I know it's what you'd want. Schools are different now. Kids got to keep up. And who knows... maybe Thomas will be a doctor like you. But Abel? I can see it in his eyes. He is his daddy's son. Knows his tribe.
Juice: I never doubted my loyalty. I'm a Prulow, man. Fat little shithead from Woodhaven. Bailed out his p*ssy ass when the Ozone crew was gonna gut him for losing that numbers bag. I didn't have to do that. I just knew his heart was in the gig. Club has got to know that. Doesn't seem fair.
(Knocking)
Unser: Hey.
Unser: Who you talking to?
(Door closes)
Wendy: Someone in the shower?
Juice: Thank you.
Unser: This ain't gonna end so good.
Wendy: I'll take the morning shift.
Jax: Tully's boots on the ground, Leland Gruen, said he'd meet us at Oswald's timber trail. I gave him your number to lock down a time.
Tig: Anybody know this guy?
Happy: AB lifer. Did double dimes for as*ault. I think he got out last year.
Rat Boy: You talk price?
Jax: Leland will test it, give us a street rate.
Bobby: Ain't about profit, it's about protecting our flank.
Chibs: And dumping this poxy heroin.
(Knocking)
Lyla: Hey. Tyler's here. You can use the bar. I'm in post all day.
Jax (quietly): All right.
Tyler: Three Chinese rub and tugs got h*t last night. Black guys. Lin wants blood. He thinks that it was us.
Jax: Was it?
Tyler: Hell no. August is spinning out, man. He's afraid that the streets are gonna blow up as he's trying to close this deal in Piedmont. It's a huge government housing project.
Jax: Is that the one where his partner's M.I.A.?
Tyler: Yeah. Haddem. He's a pastor over at Piedmont Grace. August needs his signature on the paperwork by the end of the day tomorrow. And before Lin retaliates and all his investors get skittish.
Jax: And what? Preacher won't sign?
Tyler: He just dropped out of sight last week. And now his old lady is M.I.A.
Chibs: Why are they all disappearing?
Tyler: I don't know. But his wife's got power of attorney... she could just sign off on everything. August thinks that she'll be easier to find.
Jax: So what do you need from us?
Tyler: Search and rescue. For the wife, Loutreesha. I mean, look, Piedmont might like its pastors to be black, but they prefer their residents to be a shade paler.
Jax: Ah. You need some pretty white boys to knock on doors?
Tyler: Yeah, something like that.
Bobby: Well, that's a clean town, man; it's gonna be hard to shake out information.
Tyler: Well, Loutreesha goes by her maiden name, McQueen. She's got a sister in Piedmont. She got a half sister in Montclair. And that's all I got.
Jax: All right.
Tyler: You might want to have Andre the Giant and Captain Psycho sit this one out though.
(Others laugh)
I'm just saying. Don't want to scare no fragile white folks.
Jax: All right, we'll dig in, let you know.
Bobby: Thanks.
Chibs: Later.
Jax (sighs): Panty hose preacher.
Chibs: Yup.
Tig: It's a small world after all.
Bobby: If we don't find that wife, Marks is gonna keep digging till he finds the pastor.
Happy: Lot of eyes could have seen us go in that apartment, man. We went in big.
Chibs: So... Where do we start looking?
Jax: Chigger Woods. We're gonna ask the preacher.
(Happy coughing)
Jax (laughing): Oh, Jesus Christ.
Tig: Wow.
Jax: Yup. That's the good preacher.
Tig: Phone's in his pocket. Rat.
Rat Boy: Shit. This is probably getting you hard.
Tig: What was that?
Rat Boy: This is gonna be hard.
Jax: Shit. They're wet.
Tig: We'll charge them up, see if we can salvage anything.
Jax: Yeah, all right. I'm gonna stop by Diosa. See you back at Red Woody.
Tig: Come on, come on, hole's not gonna fill itself.
Rat Boy: Yeah. That's what he said.
(Tig laughs)
Tig: That was funny. Honey.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
(Quiet chatter)
Montez: Hey.
Jax: Is West at the warehouse?
Montez: Yeah, I'm with Gemma today.
Jax: Any activity at the docks?
Montez: No, it's been quiet. And Barosky's guys have been around, checking out the g*n. But that's about it.
Jax: All right.
Montez: Good.
Jax: Looks good.
Gemma: Yeah. Think I'm gonna lose these blinds and hang some drapes. Think it'll help with noise.
Jax: We all know how loud a good massage can be.
Gemma: You good?
Jax: I'm fine. You take him to school?
Gemma: Yeah. And Brooke's got Thomas.
Jax: Good. Is Nero around?
Gemma: Um, your... blonde mommy fetish out there said that he'd be back in a few hours.
(Jax chuckles)
First of all, if I had a mommy fetish, I'd be hooking up with some psycho dominatrix.
Gemma: That seems unfair.
Jax: Second, the phrase "mommy fetish" coming out of the mouth of my own mother should never happen again.
Gemma: I just call it like I see it, babe.
Jax: Right. All right. I got to head back to Red Woody. Do me a favor... when you see Nero, give him a heads up about Juice. Let him know he's around.
Gemma: Why would Nero care?
Jax: Just tell him. He can call me for details. Stay with her.
Montez: Absolutely.
(Woman giggling)
Colette: I'm sorry.
Jax: Thank you. Thank you for helping out here.
Colette: Oh, yeah. Will I see you later?
Jax: I don't know.
Colette: I hope so.
Gemma: Be careful with him.
Colette: Don't worry, Mom, we're just friends.
Gemma: Yeah. Well, right now he needs more than a friend. Just don't complicate his life any more than it already is.
Colette: How could I do that?
Gemma: Making him think too much.
Kiki: I think your calculator's messed up. Keeps giving me the wrong answer.
Colette: If he's hanging out here, that shouldn't be a problem. Let's go.
Gemma: Oh.
(Knocking)
Eglee: Got an update on the escort's father.
Althea: Did you find him?
Eglee: Yeah. Ken Haas spent the last 36 hours at St. Thomas. Fractured jaw, concussion, two broken ribs.
Althea: Let me guess... he's withdrawing the charges.
Eglee: Yup. I pressed, he wasn't having it. You think it was Padilla?
Althea: Shit. Grab Cane. Follow me to the whore club.
Eglee: Yup.
(Haddem moaning)
Venus: Uh-huh.
Tig: Here it comes.
Haddem: Oh, yeah, that's good.
(Venus laughs)
Oh, yeah, baby.
Chibs: Wait for it, wait for it.
Venus: Who's my dirty little whore baby?
Jax: Are you sh1tting me?
Bobby: Oh, no, that happens later.
Tig: Yeah, it does. Um... listen, Jax, we couldn't get the cell phone to work. This has no personal info on it, he just used it to record his, uh, comings and goings. Besides Venus, the only thing on here is the shit that went down that day.
Jax: Find Venus.
Tig: I know where she is. We stayed in touch.
Jax: Should I be worried he stayed in touch?
Nero: You do good work, mama.
Gemma: Thanks.
Nero: Where you been? You didn't come home the other night. Uh, I haven't heard from you, so...
Gemma: Just... I've been putting in long hours down at TM.
Trying to catch up.
Nero: Yeah. Everything okay?
Gemma: Yeah, I'm fine.
Nero: Look, I know everything's upside down 'cause of Tara, and... You know, you got every right to be a little, uh, far away. I just need to know it's not about us. I mean, there's... There isn't something happening here that I should know about, right?
Gemma: Oh, no, no. Uh-uh, no. No. We're perfect.
Nero: Aw, shit. This just might be my ride. Give my lawyer a call.
Gemma: Yeah.
Nero: How can I help you, Sheriff?
Althea: I'm here to deliver the good news. Kenneth Haas isn't pressing as*ault charges.
Nero: Okay. And, uh, you came all the way out here with backup to share that?
Althea: Haas also spent a day or two in the hospital. Seems someone picked up right where you left off. Broke his jaw, few ribs. Tuned him up pretty good.
Nero: Are you thinking that was me?
Althea: I don't know. Maybe I should ask the den mother. I don't think we've officially met. Lieutenant Sheriff Althea Jarry.
Gemma: Althea? Guess your folks were hoping for a black baby.
Nero: We don't know what happened to Sandy's dad.
Althea: Where is Teller and the Scot?
Gemma: Working.
Althea: Well, tell them I'd like a few minutes of their valuable time.
Gemma: Absolutely... sister.
Nero: We see them, we'll let them know.
Eglee: We'll check the garage and ice cream shop.
Cane: And their p*rn studio's up and running, too. Stockton Port.
Althea: Find Chibs. I'll start there. Keep it off the radio. This is personal.
Cane: Yes, ma'am.
(Haddem moaning)
Venus: Uh-huh. (Laughs) Oh. Well, I do love those boots.
Tig: Oh, yeah, me, too.
Venus: Uh, why are you looking for him?
Jax: He and his family might be in danger.
Venus: Well, I'm not surprised. That freaky little holy man liked to live close to the flame. God can only protect us so much. Why do you have his phone?
Tig: We-we need to find his family, baby. Where would you meet him?
Venus: Oh, different places. At first, he took me to this very unsavory apartment in an area code beneath my station. I told him never again. I need a certain level of comfort to maintain my dignity. Uh, after that, it was usually nice hotels. Uh, a quiet lake house once.
Jax: A lake house that he owned?
Venus: Well, I... I... I think so. It had pictures of family, I'm assuming were his wife and children.
Jax: Do you remember where?
Venus: Outside Berkeley. Lake Anza, I believe. I'm sure I have the address in my appointment book.
Jax: We're gonna need that address.
Tig: Please.
Venus: I will help you because I am fond of you.
Tig: Yeah!
Venus: I am fond of you all. I feel we are connected on a deeper vibration. Do you feel that?
Jax: Absolutely.
Bobby: Yeah, absolutely.
Rat Boy: I feel it.
Venus: Well, uh, I have a little lonesome dove waiting for me upstairs, but his abreaction is usually rather swift, so just give me five minutes, and then perhaps Alexander could come up and retrieve your address?
Chibs: Perfect.
Jax: That'd be great.
Venus: Gentlemen.
Bobby: Thank you.
Chibs: Thank you, darling.
Venus: Mm.
Jax: Something we need to know here?
Tig: We're friends. You know, we got things in common.
Bobby: Yeah, I can think of one thing.
Tig: Don't be disrespectful. I'm gonna head upstairs, I'm gonna get her to move it along. She tends to dillydally.
Rat Boy: Dillydally?
Jax: Okay, now I'm worried.
Gemma: Want some?
Nero: No. What happened to Haas?
Gemma: Oh, I don't know.
Nero: Don't lie to me!
Gemma: I didn't want to involve you.
Nero: Jax?
Gemma: He... He did it to protect you.
Nero: Oh, Gemma, come on! That's-that's a lie, too! Your boy... he's unchained right now. He's looking for any excuse to rage.
Gemma: Can you blame him?
Nero: I understand it. The problem is... it gets to a point, Gem, where... it ain't about revenge anymore. You're doing it because... it just feels good.
Gemma: Jax came by today looking for you. Wanted you to know that, uh, Juice is still around. Seemed concerned.
Nero: Okay.
Gemma: Why does that matter to you? What happened with Juice? You see, baby? There are some things we just can't share. Best we don't.
Tig: One-one-three-oh-one. There it is on the right.
Jax: Rat, wait out front, keep an eye for neighbors.
Bobby: Tiggy, you and me, back door.
Tig: Gigitty.
(Knocking)
(Door thuds)
(Door creaks softly)
(Door opens)
(Footsteps)
(Floorboards creak)
(g*n)
(Tig groans)
(Footsteps running)
(Tig groans)
Chibs: Oh, shit, Tiggy. Tiggy...
(Tires screeching)
Jax: Hey!
(Engine starts)
(Tires screeching)
(Grunting)
Jax: Put down the g*n!
Bobby: Drop it!
Grant: Leave us alone!
Jax: Wait. What do you mean, "us"?
Who's with you?
Grant: Mama!
She's in the backseat!
Bobby: Wait. Careful. Wait.
Chibs: Jackie. Here.
Bobby: What?
Chibs: Shit. Jackie!
Jax: Come on.
(Loutreesha gasping)
Bobby: Come on. Come on. Come on. I got you.
(Loutreesha panting)
Come on.
Chibs: Get Mama. Get Mama.
(Loutreesha coughing)
Grant: You okay? You okay, Mama?
Loutreesha: I'm cold, Grant. So cold.
Chibs: Track marks are fresh.
Grant: Sometimes her demons get the best of her.
Jax: You Haddem's son?
Grant: Stepson. That freak is not my father. He's the reason this is all happening.
Jax: What's happening?
Grant: They probably k*lled him. Now they're gonna hurt my mother.
(Loutreesha panting)
Who sent you guys looking for us? Was it August Marks?
Jax: Get them inside.
Bobby: Let's go. Come on, Mama.
Chibs: Come on, Rat. Get her up.
Bobby: Get her.
Chibs: Jax, come on. Good?
(Jax sighs)
(Chibs grunts)
Bobby: Oh, Jesus. Remember when our biggest problem was which Mayan to k*ll?
Jax: Simpler times.
Bobby: Simpler men.
Grant: Damon Pope helped my stepdad some years back. Created some zoning loophole that helped us buy neighboring lots, and that's how we built the additions to the church.
Loutreesha: I told him not to get involved. Knew they'd come back looking for something.
Jax: Looking for what?
Grant: August Marks wants to use the same loophole. He wants to build low-income housing on the rest of our church property.
Loutreesha: He wants me to sign off, making him a partner. His construction company gets the Fed kickback. Then he uses the project to launder money.
Jax: And the houses never get built.
Loutreesha: No.
Grant: What are you gonna do with us?
Jax: No one's gonna hurt you or your mom. But as far as this property deal goes, that's something your stepdad started.
There is nothing you can do, except ride out his sin.
Grant: My mother's the one who built that congregation. Supported Joseph, in spite of all his degradation. She can't just hand it over to some gangsters.
Jax: She can if she wants you two alive. I found you in an hour. You think you can hide from Marks? I'm telling you, next time, neither one of you comes out of the lake.
(Loutreesha sniffles)
Loutreesha: I'll sign it, honey.
It's not worth it.
Bobby: Okay. We got a friend coming up here, come pick you up and take you back to Oakland.
He's gonna make sure nothing happens to you.
Rat Boy: Jax, I checked the block. It's all quiet, man.
Jax: All right. Just hang back for a minute.
Bobby: That same guy's gonna bring something that's gonna keep her even.
(Phone ringing)
Excuse me.
Jax: How's he doing?
(Chibs sighs)
Chibs: I think I got most of that buckshot out. There's no major damage. But I'm worried about the infection. These dressings have to be changed every few hours.
Tig: Hey.
Jax: Okay.
Tig: Give Venus a call, would you? Please.
Bobby: That was Tully's guy. They're gonna be at the timber trail in under two.
Jax: All right. Rat. I need you to stay here with the mom and kid.
Rat Boy: Yeah.
Jax: When Tyler gets here, let him know she'll sign for Marks. But nothing happens to them. You make that clear, you understand?
Rat Boy: Yeah. What about Tig?
Jax: Take him back to Scoops. We got medical supplies there.
Rat Boy: All right. You got it, brother.
Jax: Yeah. Thanks, bro.
Rat Boy: All right.
(Motorcycle engine starts)
(Engines starting)
Jax: Let's go.
Althea: I just got off the phone with Patterson. They're putting out the APB on Ortiz.
Unser: I thought they were holding off.
Althea: I guess they got tired of waiting.
Unser: Oh. Statewide?
Althea: Whole Northwest.
Unser: All right. Appreciate the update.
Wendy: What?
Unser: APB went wide.
Juice: Shit.
Unser: We got to get you out of here. Now.
Wendy: I'm gonna call Gemma.
Gemma: All right, sweetheart. I'll be there. Bye.
(Indistinct conversation)
I need a favor, blondie. My bodyguard behind me.
Colette: The littlest outlaw?
Gemma: I got to step out without a set of eyes on me.
Colette: I'll keep him busy.
Gemma: I like you. You could be good for him.
Colette: I'm not really in the market for a marriage blessing, but... I appreciate that.
(Motorcycles roaring)
Cane: Chibs and Teller.
Eglee: Let's catch up.
(Motorcycles roaring)
Jax: Leland. Jax Teller.
Cane: The other guys aren't wearing cuts.
Eglee: This is bad.
Cane: Yeah.
Man: Cops!
Jax: Shit.
(g*n)
Jax: Wait, no!
(Horn blaring)
(Eglee screaming)
Just wait!
(Shouting)
(g*n clicking)
(Horn continues blaring)
(Screams)
Bobby: Jesus Christ!
Jax: The hell you doing, man?
Leland: You tell me. I'm not the one who brought cops to a drug deal.
Chibs: We had no idea they were behind us. Are you crazy?!
(Horn continues blaring)
Jax: Come on, man. If they called that in, we got to get out of here.
Leland: Let's go. Get in the truck, brother.
Jax: Jesus Christ.
(Truck departing)
Chibs: Jackie. We got to go, too. Come on, son.
Jax: Yeah, come on.
(Horn continues blaring)
(Motorcycle engines starting)
(Indistinct radio transmission)
Man: Sir?
Unser: Excuse me. Hey. Is that Eglee?
Althea: It's Cane. Eglee took four to the back. She's alive. For now.
Unser: Who was it?
Althea: We don't know.
Unser: Did they call it in? Request backup?
Althea: No. Looks like an ambush. Charming. Our name says it all. This is a bad place, isn't it, Wayne?
Juice: I had to know, Gemma, if there was any way that I...
Gemma: Now you know.
No more games, Juice. I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna pack a bag, and then I'm gonna drive you to my dad's place myself.
You got the boys?
Wendy: Yeah, okay.
Gemma: Walls are closing in, sweetheart. You stay, MC finds you or the cops do. Either way, Jax gets to you and you end up d*ad. Is that what you want?
Juice: I don't want to die.
I just... I don't like being alone. I'm not good on my own. My head gets so loud. And shit doesn't make... Nothing syncs up. I start thinking about my thinking... and getting lost in the details of nothing. Nothing can pull me out of it. And I...
Wendy: Hey. Hey, hey. It's okay. Take a deep breath, okay? It's okay. Okay, hey, you're not gonna be alone, okay? All right? Okay.
(Juice crying softly)
All right. You're okay. It's gonna be okay.
Jax: g*dd*mn!
(Exhales)
I'll reach out to Tully tomorrow. Try to explain this.
Bobby: Yeah, well, if Eglee or Cane called that thing in, we'll all be able to talk to him face-to-face.
Happy: I talked to Lee. He's gonna send some guys down from Tacoma. We're gonna need help if this unravels.
Rat Boy: Jarry's downstairs.
Chibs: How many with her?
Rat Boy: She's alone. Said she needs to talk to you and Jax.
Venus: I've got him.
Tig: Chibby. You should just get out of here, baby. This ain't your problem.
Venus: I swore an oath to the care and nurturing of a dear friend. Boop.
(Tig chuckles softly)
Tig: Where did you come from?
Venus: Well, my sweet Alex, I was born of man, but... I believe my true genesis happened a bit later. When I was stirred by the gods of love and beauty and transformed into an angel. Whose sole purpose is to bring light to the shadows and a little bit of joy to all those lost souls who can no longer find it.
(Tig exhales softly)
Venus: Hmm. Oh.
(Moaning softly)
Althea: I need to know if you had anything to do with this.
Chibs: Come on. Of course we didn't.
Bobby: We like Eglee.
Althea: Does it fit any kind of g*ng pattern you know of? Cop retaliation, someone new trying to earn cred?
Jax: No. We'll keep our ears open.
Althea: What about Kenneth Haas? You have anything to do with that?
Chibs: Hey, we had abso...
Jax: I did it. Guy's a scumbag who beats and extorts his own daughter. I made sure that doesn't happen again.
(Tires screech)
Happy: Get out of here!
Bobby: Out!
Jax: Shit, move!
(Car alarms blaring)
(Indistinct radio chatter)
Man: Watch your step. You okay?
(Siren wailing)
(Indistinct radio chatter)
Chibs: You okay?
Althea: Do you know the guy? He was one of Lin's, you saw him.
Chibs: Don't know.
Althea: The Chinese were the ones who k*lled Tara, weren't they? That's what this is all about the shit that went down at the timber trail?
Chibs: No.
Althea: Did the club retaliate for Tara?
Chibs: I don't know anything.
Althea: Hey, Scotty. Grenades just went off in an ice cream shop on Main Street. If the MC is in some kind of w*r that's now bl*wing shit up in Charming, I got to know. 'Cause the next time, that ice cream shop could be filled with kids. Could you live with that?
Chibs: Let me drive you home. Please.
♪♪
Kiki: Good evening, gentlemen. Welcome to Diosa Norte.
Tom: Thanks. Had a long ride. We're just gonna grab a drink right now.
Happy: This wasn't a message, brother. That dude saw us in the shop. It was straight up retaliation.
Bobby: Yeah. Somebody sold us out to Lin.
Jax: Jesus Christ. Check on the g*n.
(Phone ringing)
Happy: West ain't picking up.
Montez: Reception out there ain't so great.
(Tires screech)
Nero: Holy shit! Everybody whole?
Jax: Yeah.
Bobby: Chinese.
Nero: What? No, man. That don't make no sen...
(Phone ringing)
Yeah.
Tom: Mr. Lin appreciates all your efforts in getting everyone together. What happens at Diosa will impact you.
But it's meant for the Sons of Anarchy.
Nero: W-Who is this?
Colette: Oh, my God.
Nero: Diosa.
Diosa!
Jax: Shit!
(Engines starting)
(Tires screeching)
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪ | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "07x04 - Poor Little Lambs"} | foreverdreaming |
Bobby: Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
Lin: I want my men, my g*n and my heroin. If that does not happen, I will turn Charming into a g*dd*mn k*lling field.
(Tires screech)
Bobby: Out!
Jax: Shit, move!
(expl*si*n)
Unser: APB went wide.
Juice: Shit.
Unser: We got to get you out of here, now.
Wendy: I'm gonna call Gemma.
Barosky: My guys got a call about something black. Saw the lock blown off the door. They come in here hot. End up dropping all of them.
Guyer: We'll dump them in Lincoln Village, give those shitheads something to do. We don't like paperwork.
Barosky: Thanks, Paulie.
Happy: This wasn't a message, brother. That dude saw us in the shop. It was straight up retaliation.
Jax: Jesus Christ, check on the g*n.
Althea: The Chinese were the ones who k*lled Tara, weren't they?
Chibs: I don't know anything.
Althea: Hey, Scotty... grenades just went off in an ice cream shop on Main Street. If the MC is in some kind of w*r that's now bl*wing shit up in Charming... I got to know.
Chibs: Let me drive you home.
Gemma: No more games, Juice. You stay, MC finds you... or the cops do. Either way, Jax gets to you and you end up d*ad.
Juice: I don't want to die. I just... I miss my family.
Kiki: Welcome to Diosa Norte.
Tom: Thanks. Had a long ride. We're just gonna grab a drink right now.
(Phone ringing)
Nero: Yeah?
Tom: Mr. Lin appreciates all your efforts in getting everyone together. What happens at Diosa will impact you, but it's meant for the Sons of Anarchy.
Colette: Oh, my God.
Nero: Diosa.
Nero: Diosa!
Jax: Shit!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
(Bobby sighs)
Bobby: Hap's getting everyone to Red Woody. We'll lock it down.
Jax: West?
Bobby: I don't know. Sent Quinn and Montez.
Jax: Nero split?
Bobby: Kitchen.
Nero: I need to understand why this happened.
Jax: Well, you're gonna have to ask the Chinese.
Nero: I'm asking you. Why would Lin go so far? What'd the club do?
Jax: I don't have an answer for you, Nero. Whatever the reason, nothing justifies what happened here.
Bobby: It's gonna be light soon. We got to call this in.
Jax: All right, the rest of you should split. I got this.
Bobby: All right. You call when you're getting ready to leave. You do not ride alone. We'll be at Red Woody.
Nero: I'll go let the Stockton girls know... About Colette.
Jax: Someone should tell Barosky.
Nero: Yeah. I'll stop by there first.
Gemma: Hey, you set?
Juice: Yeah.
(Phone ringing)
Gemma: Shit. It's Happy. It's the third time he's called. Yeah? Oh, Jesus.
Gemma: When?
Sighs: Oh, man. Yeah, okay. I'm on my way.
Juice: What?
(Gemma sighs)
(Shuffles through bag)
Gemma: Oh, drama at Diosa. Whores will be whores. Uh... I got to go handle this. You sit tight. We'll leave in the morning.
Juice: Yeah, okay.
Gemma: All right, here. Smoke and sleep, baby.
(door opens, closes)
(bottle cap rattles on table)
(Phone ringing)
(Chibs deeply inhales)
(Chibs exhales)
Chibs: Hi. (Water running) Ah, Jesus. (Water shuts off, dripping) (Shower curtain slides open) All of them? (Sighs) Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I'll be there!
Althea: What's up?
Chibs: I got to go.
Althea: Okay...
Chibs: You know, uh... (Fastening belt buckle) You should... (sighs) you should probably get dressed, too.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
Sons Of Anarchy, S07 E05
"Some Strange Eruption "
(Woman speaks indistinctly over radio)
(Indistinct conversation)
Unser: Anything, uh, I can do?
Althea: Two weeks on the job... I already made the record books. Worst m*ssacre in my quadrant. Ever.
Unser: Sorry.
Althea: This had to be a payback. I need to know who, Wayne. This will vibrate all the way up to Sacramento. If we don't find answers, the Feds will. It's time for you to make a choice. What side of the table are you sitting on?
Carreira: We're done with Teller. Statement. He's in the kitchen.
Althea: You're the one who opens up every morning?
Jax: It's usually Lyla Winston. She's running our other business, so I've been helping out here.
Althea: Lucky for Lyla.
Jax: Yeah.
Althea: I know you're not gonna give us any information. Outlaw code. We've got a room... filled with the slaughtered bodies of innocent people.
Jax: I'm aware.
(Althea sniffs)
Althea: I've been doing this a while... with guys a lot more dangerous than your MC. I know how to navigate around outlaw code, how to function within it and still do my job. Patterson... The Feds... My boss... Shit, they're gonna be so far up my ass with this disaster. The only way this doesn't crush both of us is if you bend with me. I don't give a shit what that looks like. I don't care how the intel is delivered. But if I don't get some cooperation... This all cracks wide open... and none of us walk away whole.
(Engine roars)
Barosky: We ain't open today.
Nero: I ain't here for breakfast. I have some bad news, Charlie.
Barosky: I know. I heard. Police radio.
Nero: Sorry.
Barosky: Me, too. She was a good girl.
Nero: Chinese that did it.
Barosky: Makes sense.
Nero: Well, how so?
Barosky: Mercedes parked across the street. Chinks have been camped out since I got here this morning. Lin's smart... he knew either you or Jax would come by to tell me.
Tom: Mr. Lin needs to speak with you. Chinese thug: Come on!
Nero: In the back.
Barosky: Tell your boss I don't feel much like working today. You can chat here. I'll be in the back slicing meat.
Nero: Thanks a lot, Charlie.
Barosky: Ain't my w*r, amigo.
Tom: Have a seat.
Nero: Easy.
(Indistinct conversation)
(Sobbing, sniffling)
Chibs: Jesus Christ.
Gemma: Hey.
Wendy: Hey.
(Thomas fusses)
Gemma: Hi, honey.
Wendy: Look who's here. Huh?
Gemma: Hi, yeah. You okay?
Wendy: I guess. I mean, Abel's a little freaked-out. Wants to know why he can't go back to school.
Gemma: Yeah. Just, uh, stay really close to him today, all right?
Wendy: I will.
Gemma: I left Juice at the motel. I gotta figure a way to slip out of here.
Wendy: Okay, yeah.
Gemma: Yeah. (Sobbing) Oh, it's Lyla. Here.
Wendy: All right.
Gemma: Come here, baby. I'm sorry. I know. Here, come sit down. (Sobbing) Lyla: Who would do something like that? (Sobbing) Why does this keep happening? Why do people keep dying?
Gemma: Come here. Gemma whispering: It's okay.
Jax: Is everyone here?
Bobby: No. Quinn and Montez aren't back. West is d*ad. g*n are gone.
Jax: What about the other charters?
Chibs: They all know, Jackie.
Wendy: Jax. Hey.
Jax: Hey. Thanks for helping out.
Wendy: Yeah, of course. Would you come talk to Abel for a minute? He's a smart kid. He knows something bad happened. He's scared.
(Chuck and Abel talk quietly)
Jax: Chucky. Chuck: Need anything, boss?
Jax: I'm good. Chuck: Okay.
Jax: Hey, Chucky. Thanks for being here. Chuck: Well, you're my family.
Jax: You doing okay, little man?
Abel: When can I go home, Daddy?
Jax: Soon, buddy.
Abel: Did somebody die?
Jax: Some friends of ours got hurt. We just want to make sure everyone's okay. That's why we're all here.
Abel: Do you take care of all these people?
Jax: Yeah. I do, son. Daddy's responsible for everyone here. It's my job to keep them safe. Okay? Thank you. You're doing great with him.
Lin: These conversations are getting so damn tedious, don't you think?
Nero: I need to understand...
Lin: You need to understand? You know what I need to understand, Nero? Why you've been telling me that I should trust Teller. 'Cause the whole time you've been playing negotiator, the MC has been raping me. Teller is a liar. Him and Marks have been making some kind of move to take over my territory.
Nero: I don't know who you've been talking to...
Lin: Teller is the one who stole my g*n, took out my guys and h*t my massage parlors. I found my g*n in a port warehouse guarded by a member of SAMCRO.
Nero: If that's true... then he's been lying to both of us.
Lin: Yeah? Well, there's only one move to prove that. You deliver Teller to me. I'll handle the payback.
Nero: There's gotta be an explanation for...
Lin: Let me be more specific. You deliver Teller or I k*ll you. End of the day, Nero. And in case you got any ideas about taking a road trip... Security at the cripple home ain't that tight. (Grunts) Save that rage for your biker pal. He's the one who should catch it.
(Door opens and closes)
(Sighs)
(Engines start)
(vehicle drives away)
Tig: We got six Tacoma guys here now. Rogue River's sending down four more.
Happy: We're gonna handle the funeral expenses for the girls without family. Collette, too.
Jax: That's good.
Chibs: Jackie...
Jax: Sheriffs have no proof. Jarry knows we're warring with brown and yellow, but Lin made sure not to leave clues.
Bobby: Or witnesses.
Chibs: August called twice.
Jax: I don't give a shit about August. Our as*ault on Lin was airtight. I mean, he may have had suspicions, but no proof. Someone gave up the location of those g*n. He found West, he got his proof.
Bobby: That was a new spot. SAMCRO and Indian Hills were the only ones who knew.
Tig: And Barosky. Quinn: What about Lin?
Happy: Yeah. How do we handle payback? Montez: He'll be off the grid, man.
Jax: That's why we're gonna smoke him out.
Chibs: Got any ideas?
Jax: Maybe. Let's go visit our crooked cop. Quinn, you and Montez hold shit down here. Call Nero. Have him meet us at Barosky's.
Gemma: Hey, baby. Hey, come here. Look, I just got a call from my dad's nursing home. He's taken a turn for the worse. I gotta go up there.
Jax: Mom, that's not a good idea. I don't want you on the road, and I can't spare any of the guys.
Gemma: I'll call Unser. He can come with me. You know, once we're out of Sanwa, there won't be any thr*at. I'm sorry, babe. I gotta go. Daddy may not see another day.
Wendy: Hey, guys. I got the boys. We're good here.
Jax: Are you carrying?
Gemma: Of course.
Jax: All right. Check in every few hours.
Gemma: Okay, baby. I will.
(Thomas fusses)
Tig: Hey, Jax, we got a badge.
Jax: Need something else?
Althea: I need to talk to you.
Chibs: One minute.
Jax: Handle this. Meet us at Barosky's. Have Quinn ride with you.
Chibs: Hey.
(Chibs clears his throat)
Althea: So, the phone call this morning was about Diosa.
Chibs: Doesn't matter. (Motorcycle engines rev) We had nothing to do with that.
Althea: So someone just arbitrarily floated into Morada and m*rder 16 people? Just a random act of v*olence?
Chibs: Yeah. And we're gonna make sure it doesn't happen again. Just need you to lay low on this.
Althea: Are you serious? This isn't a parking violation or a B and E. The D.A., the Feds... they are all over this.
Chibs: I thought we had an understanding. What do you want? More... more cash?
Althea: Do you know why Itake the money?
Chibs: Yeah. Because it's money.
Althea: In order to do my job effectively, I have to work with the bad guys. You're not going away, I'm not going away. I take your cash, you feel safe. It builds trust. Pays for my overtime.
Chibs: What about last night? Was that you building trust?
Althea: I don't know. What was it for you?
Chibs: Look... I can't give you anything. You know that. But I don't want you hurt by this, either. I'll talk to Jax. Wherever we land on this, maybe we can throw something your way, give you a win. No more d*ad bodies. Promise.
Althea: Okay. But I can't lay low on this, Filip. I have to dig in.
Chibs: Yeah, okay, I get it. I got to go.
Althea: Be safe.
Chibs: Aye.
(Panting)
(Coin clinks)
Juice: Oh, shit.
(Car door slams)
Man: Hey!
(knocking)
(Grunts, Pants)
Jax: Hey, man. Thanks for coming.
(Grunting)
Bobby: Whoa, whoa!
(Jax and Nero grunting)
Barosky: Break this shit up.
Tig: All right, come on, Jax.
Barosky: Now!
Tig: Come on, come on.
Nero: You've been lying to me, man... the whole time to my face. You looked me in the eye and you said you had nothing to do with the shit that was happening to Lin. Meanwhile, you're stealing his g*n, you're hitting his shops. And that's why all of our girls are getting stuffed into g*dd*mn bags right now! All of them! And now he's looking to k*ll me. 'Cause I vouched for you. I believed in you. He thr*at my boy. (Laughs) This is what he gives me. My blood! That's gonna fall on you, too.
Jax: Chinese k*lled Tara.
Nero: You don't know that. You don't...
Jax: Gemma saw... two of his guys leaving my house that night. She I.D.'d one of them at the party. Lin... ordered the h*t on my wife.
(Sighs)
Nero: Jesus Christ.
Jax: You're right, I've been lying to you. And I'm sorry the blow-back of this h*t you and your family. But I am gonna destroy Lin. And nothing's gonna stop me from doing that. I don't want to lose you... as a partner or a friend. But you're gonna have to decide what side of this fight you want to land on.
(Crinkling paper)
Nero: "What side of the fight."
Sighs: Oh, God. I'm tired of the fight. Okay? I'm tired.
Bobby: So, uh... somebody... gave up the location of our g*n... to Lin. (Smacks lips) You and your guys, you're the only ones who knew outside the club.
Barosky: Port patrol watches it during the day. I got one guy on it at night.
Jax: You trust that guy?
Barosky: About as much as you trust me.
Jax: Then we better talk to him.
Barosky: Desmond Hurligan. Got a pawnshop down on Mercer. Day job. Sells the shit that cops steal at night. Tig (laughs): Ah... Stockton's finest, huh?
Happy: I'll let Chibs know.
Tig: Yeah, come on.
(Door opens, bell chimes)
Jax: I know you got to do what you think is best for your family. But when you... decide where you land on all this... I'd appreciate a heads-up. Thank you.
Gemma: Look, I told Jackson my dad took a turn for the worse, but he won't let me go unless I have protection.
Unser: I can't head up to Oregon now.
Gemma: Just stay with me till I get Juice out of Sanwa. Follow in your truck.
Wendy: He's cracking, Wayne. He's got to get out of there today. Brooke: Hey, uh... it's Abel.
Gemma: Abel? What? Hey... Hi. What... what's going on, buddy?
Abel: I'm not gonna let anybody hurt him. I take care of him.
Gemma: Oh, no... oh, no, baby. Nobody's gonna hurt anyone.
Abel: People always get hurt.
Wendy: No, sweetheart.
Abel: I want to go home.
Gemma: Okay, baby, we're gonna go home really soon, I promise.
Abel: Now! I don't like it here! (Thomas crying) Now!
Gemma: Abel!
Wendy: Oh, Christ.
Abel: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Tommy.
(Thomas continues crying)
Gemma: Here, come here. Give me that. Come here.
Wendy: It's okay. It's okay.
(Door opens, bell rings)
Barosky: Hey, Des, how you doing?
Desmond: Hey, Charlie, good to see you.
Barosky: How's business?
Desmond: Up and down, you know that.
Barosky: This is a business associate of mine, Jax Teller. We're keeping an eye on some of his merchandise down at the warehouse.
Desmond: Okay. Is there a problem?
Jax: Yeah, I'm afraid so. (door closes) Warehouse that you were supposed to be watching got jacked last night. I lost all my shit. One of my crew got k*lled.
Desmond: Oh, shit. Hey... it didn't happen on my patrol.
Barosky: The point is that it did happen.
Desmond: I'm on the b*at, Charlie. I can't stay there all night. You know that.
Barosky: Well, did you see anything? Anybody out of place? A car, a van, a bike... what?
Bobby: I got Quinn said the back door was kicked in. Did you see that?
Desmond: Uh... I don't think so, no.
Barosky: When'd you make your last drive by the warehouse?
Desmond: I'm not sure! At 5:00, 5:30 maybe. Jesus Christ! What the hell'd you do that for?!
Jax: Oh, I don't know... "I'm not sure," "maybe." Just trying to jog your memory a little bit.
Desmond: Charlie, what the hell is this?!
Barosky: I'm with the kid on this one, Des. I pay you a lot of g*dd*mn money. My reputation's on the line here.
Tig: Pull his pants down.
Happy: What?
Tig: Pull his pants down.
Happy: What are you gonna do?
Tig: I'm gonna shove this flute right up his ass.
(Cackles)
Jax: I was just thinking b*at down, but that works, too.
Happy: You are so gay.
Tig: Just gay enough.
Desmond: Jesus Christ, man!
Tig: Come here, come here, come here, come here.
Desmond: Jesus Christ, let go! Oh, Jesus, Charlie! I'm a g*dd*mn cop. You can't let him do this!
Chibs: Well, you think that's working in your favor right now?
Barosky: At least grease it up a little bit.
Tig: No, I don't want him to enjoy it.
Desmond: All right, g*dd*mn it!
Sighs: Shit. (Panting) All right, I got a call from somebody. Said they'd pay me two K to avoid your warehouse last night. I didn't know they were gonna off one of your guys.
Jax: Where did they call you?
Desmond: On my personal cell. Said they would leave the cash at the front Gate Kiosk.
Bobby: How'd they get that number?
Desmond: I don't know.
Barosky: So, somebody you don't know just called you out of the blue?!
Desmond: Yeah, that's right.
Barosky: And they just got your personal cell out of the blue, how?
Desmond: I don't know how they got it!
Barosky: You're a g*dd*mn liar!
Desmond: I'm not lying!
Barosky: You're lying!
Desmond: I'm not lying!
(g*n)
Happy: Damn!
Barosky: Greedy shithead.
Jax: I guess we're done talking to him.
Barosky: Yeah, sorry, boys, it's just really hard to find people you trust these days.
Unser: She seems like a nice kid. Glad it all worked out with her.
Rat Boy: Yeah, she's cool.
Unser: How's the club holding up?
Rat Boy: It's okay, I guess. Crazy shit, you know?
Unser: Yeah. Any ideas what happened?
Rat Boy: Well, someone g*n down all our whores.
Unser: Oh... I'm privy to that part. Any idea who?
Rat Boy: Nope.
Unser: I'm gonna escort Gemma. I'm just supposed to... check in with Jax. Any idea where he went?
Rat Boy: Stockton port. He should be back soon.
Wendy: Who do you think did it?
(Unser scoffs)
Unser: Long list.
Wendy: You know, Nero gave me a ride the other day. And this Chinese guy pulled us over. I think he called him "Henry." He was pissed... said that Jax stole all his g*n.
Unser: And what did Nero say?
Wendy: Nothing. He just denied it. You think that might have something to do with what happened at Diosa?
(Footsteps approaching)
Gemma: Hey, you ready?
Unser: Thank you.
(Door opens)
Gemma: Hey. You okay?
Nero: I need a minute.
Gemma: Yeah, okay. Come on.
Nero: Jax told me about the Chinese...
...what you saw.
Gemma: I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I was afraid, baby. Jax didn't want anyone to know.
Nero: Ah... A lot of people getting k*lled, Mama.
Gemma: I know.
Nero: And I was out there in the middle of all of that. I'm here trying to keep the peace while Jax is out there waging w*r.
Gemma: I'm sorry.
Nero: Yeah, me, too. 'Cause this w*r has come to Charming now. (Door opens) And it's gonna get a whole lot bloodier.
Jax: Is everything okay?
Gemma: Yeah. Unser's here. I'm heading out.
Jax: Be careful.
Gemma: I will.
Nero: We need to talk.
Jax: Yeah.
(Knocking)
(Door unlocks, opens)
(Man grunts)
(Juice panting)
Juice: Oh, shit. Okay.
Sighs: Okay.
(Man grunting)
(Juice panting)
Juice: Don't look at me.
Bobby: That was Ryu. Lin will meet us.
Jax: All right, good.
Tig: Right. Okay, I put Barosky on notice.
Laughs: He wants another five grand for the personnel.
Jax: Of course he does. What did you tell him?
Tig: Nothing specific, just to have a few of his guys ready to go.
Chibs: Hey. All set.
Jax: All right. Let's go make a deal.
Nero: This ain't easy for me, Henry. I'm with Jax's mom. Connected to him. It's more than just business.
Lin: Yeah, I understand that, but p*ssy... (Metal clinks) pardon the disrespect... can't get in the way of what it is we do. You know that.
Nero: Yeah. So, Jax has brought me into his, uh, inner circle; he's laid out what he wants to do.
Tom: Which is?
Nero: He's gonna call you... try to set up a meet at the port. Warehouses near the ones you h*t. He's gonna tell you that he's gonna give you your heroin back as a gesture of goodwill. Just be him and one other guy, probably the Scot. And then after the hand-off... his crew and a shitload of other guys from other charters, they're gonna pile out of that warehouse... take you all out.
Lin: Yeah, he just called ten minutes ago... set the meet. Him and Chibs.
Nero: I would bring everybody you got, man. 'Cause you're gonna need an army.
(Knocking)
Gemma: Juice. It's Gemma and Unser. (Knocking continues) Come on.
Groans: Oh...
Unser: Oh.
Gemma: Oh, Christ.
Juice: He saw me. The Chinese... they did this. Diosa.
Unser: Oh...
Juice: He came into the room. I had no choice.
Unser: Oh, God, help us!
(Unser sighs)
Gemma: Oh! (Gasps) What did you do?
Juice: We did this, Gem. It's got to be one of Lin's guys.
Unser: He's got a set of master keys, Juice! He's not a gangster. He works here!
Sighs: Oh... The room was only paid through yesterday. He probably thought you checked out. God.
(Motorcycles roaring)
Unser: Why is he scared of the Chinese, Gem? And what did he mean, uh, "We did this"? The truth.
Gemma: Chinese k*lled Tara. They had to be the ones that att*cked Diosa.
Unser: Ah, Jesus Chri... How do you know that they k*lled...?
Gemma: I saw them leaving the house that night.
Unser: Who did you see?
Gemma: Doesn't matter!
Unser: I'll go down to the office... rent the room for a couple more days... try and clean some of this up. Get the body out after dark.
(Sighs)
Gemma: Thank you.
Unser: Yeah. You okay to do this?
(Footsteps approaching)
Gemma: Got to be done.
(Door opens)
Juice: Let's go. Thank you.
(Phone ringing)
Althea: This is Jarry.
Unser: Hey, it's Unser. Uh... it was the Chinese that h*t Diosa, Henry Lin's crew.
Althea: Why?
Unser: Retaliation, uh... club is convinced that they k*lled Tara. Jax took out one of, uh, Lin's g*n shipments... blood for blood.
Althea: How do you know that, Wayne?
Unser: Reliable source. Reach out to Stockton and Oakland PD. Have them put a tail out on, uh, Henry Lin and, uh, his known associates. I think something is gonna go down in Stockton port.
Althea: I got to know who told you...
Unser: No, you don't! Just do it... before you're zipping up more body bags.
Tom: Get against the wall. Let's go. Against the wall now! Let's go, let's go! Against the wall! On your knees!
Jax: What the hell is this, Henry?
Lin: Where's my heroin?
Jax: In the warehouse.
(Tom commanding in Chinese)
(g*n cocking)
Lin: Do it.
Chibs: God.
Man: All clear.
Jax: It's a peace offering, Henry.
Lin: You're one short.
Jax: Marks gave a kilo to the Niners. He's calling all the sh*ts, man. I'm done with this w*r.
Lin: Yeah? Well, I am neck deep in it!
Jax: Marks ordered all those hits on you, man. We had no choice!
Chibs: Come on, the guy's... the guy's out of control and he's gonna swallow all of us up!
Jax: Look, man, we made the wrong choice, I get that now, I get that, but we can help you bring down Marks. I got Tyler and the Niners in my corner.
Lin: You have been lying to me this whole time! Why the hell should I believe you now?
Jax: Take us with you, man. Take us with you. We'll sit down with you and Alvarez, figure out a way to bring down black. If we're lying, k*ll both of us. Come on, man.
Lin: Where do you stand with Padilla?
Jax: He never showed up at Diosa. I ain't seen that fool in days.
Tom: You think Nero's lying? Protect his kid?
Lin: I don't know. Take 'em!
(Commanding in Chinese)
Chibs: Easy, easy.
Jax: All right, all right.
(Sirens chirps)
Officer over megaphone: Exit the vehicle. Hands above your head.
Guyer: Out of the cars, out of the cars, now! Let's go!
Detective: On the ground!
Guyer: On your knees now!
Officer: Down on the ground!
Guyer: Do it now. You, down.
Jax: Zip 'em to the fence. (Approaching motorcycles) Except him.
Officer: All right, move up. Up against the fence. Let's go!
Officer 2: Let's go! Move it, move it!
Guyer: They can't drop here.
Jax: I know. We'll get rid of them.
Lin: You got to be sh1tting me.
Officer: Get down!
Officer 2: Move it! Keep walking! Let's go!
Lin: You have no idea what a big mistake this is, Teller.
Jax: Not as big a mistake as you k*lling my wife!
(Lin grunts, coughs)
Lin: What the hell are you talking about?
Jax: This isn't the way I wanted to do this, Henry. I wanted it to be much slower. Much smarter. But this is gonna have to do.
Lin: You're an idiot, Teller. I had nothing to do with what happened with your old lady.
Jax: You know, I was the one who advised Nero to tell you to bring a whole army. Now you're gonna watch as my guys rip apart your entire crew. I'm gonna wipe out every trace of you and your organization, Henry. You're done. You're just a dirty Oakland memory. But first... it's you and me.
(Lin shouts)
(Jax grunting)
(Grunts)
(Chuckles)
Bobby: We don't have time for this.
Chibs: I know. (Phone rings) Aye.
Althea: Are you at the port?
Chibs: Why?
Althea: Stockton PD is tailing Lin. They called in the SWAT and the sheriffs. You got to get the hell out of there.
Chibs: Mother of Christ. Real cops are on the way.
Tig: I'll tell Barosky's guy.
Jax: Get up! Her name was Tara. Say it! Tara!
Chibs: Jackie, Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. Jarry called. The cops have been tailing Lin. SWAT team's on its way. We got to go. Come on.
Jax: Give me your piece.
Bobby: They could have eyes on us.
Chibs: Jackie, no, no!
Bobby: Leave 'em with the heroin.
Chibs: Please... Please, Jackie, don't.
Bobby: Barosky's guys will cover for us.
Chibs: We got to go.
Bobby: Come on.
Chibs: We got to go!
Bobby: We'll get him on the inside.
Chibs: Let's go!
(Engines start)
(Lin panting)
Lin: What the hell was that?
(Motorcycles drive away)
(Sirens approaching)
Guyer: Get up.
Lin: Shit.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
(Laughter, indistinct chatter)
(Phone rings)
Unser: Yeah?
Althea: It's Althea. I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier. Thank you for the lead, Wayne. We got Lin and most of his crew on g*n and drug charges. Doesn't solve Diosa, but it buys me some goodwill. I appreciate it.
Unser: Yeah, no problem. I'm here to help.
♪♪
Juice: Where are we?
Gemma: Oh, we got a ways to go. Go back to sleep.
Juice: Mm. The hell we doing in Salt Springs? Why aren't we headed north?
Gemma: Uh, you know, Jax was worried about me traveling. Sent Rogue River to meet us. Had to change the plan. Nero will be helping us.
Juice: Nero?
Gemma: Yeah. Don't worry. We can trust him. He was glad to help. He don't want to see anyone else d*ad. We're gonna meet a friend of his. Former coyote's gonna help you get you into Mexico.
Juice: He's meeting us out here? Middle of nowhere?
Gemma: Well, I thought the parking lot at Walmart would be a little obvious.
Juice: You remember Darvany?
Gemma: Junkie mom?
Juice: Yeah. I'm the one who k*lled her. It wasn't an overdose.
Gemma: Why?
Juice: Jax's order. That's what you do when someone's a thr*at. That night... I almost OD'd at Diosa, Nero was trying to help me. I was in such bad shape. I confessed. Told him the truth. Jax lied about Darvany. That's why the club wants me d*ad. I betrayed our king.
Gemma: I'm sorry.
Juice: Yeah. Me, too. 'Cause that's also how I know you're lying to me, Gem. Nero would never help me.
Gemma: Damn it!
(Grunting)
(Muffled g*n)
Juice: Stop running.
(Gemma gasping)
(Sobbing)
Juice: You were gonna k*ll me?
Gemma: No, I... I don't know. I... I don't know, I... I-I didn't know what else to do.
Juice: I saved you. I trusted you.
Gemma: But I... I couldn't trust you, I... I'm sorry. Pl-Please. I'm... I'm sorry. Please. I'm sorry. Please, sweetheart. Please, sweetheart. I'm sorry. Please. Don't k*ll me. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "07x05 - Some Strange Eruption"} | foreverdreaming |
(Crickets chirping)
(Sighs)
(Sighs)
Gemma: They better have cigarettes. Ow!
(Sighing)
Tig: Boys. (Jax sighs) Here we go.
Jax: I'm sorry, ladies. We made it right.
(Quiet chatter)
Bobby: Hey.
Wendy: Hey.
Bobby: Can I bum one?
Wendy: Yeah.
Bobby: All right.
Wendy: Where's the rest of the guys?
Bobby: Working out of TM today. Jax doesn't want to bring the business around the kids, so Rat and Hap will stay here.
Wendy: Oh. How much longer?
Bobby: Should be good by the end of the day. (Seagulls screeching) You doing okay?
Wendy: I guess.
Bobby: I see you around the boy. That should feel good.
Wendy: Yeah. It does. So, what's gonna happen now, Bobby? What's gonna come of all this?
Bobby: Not sure.
Wendy: Does Jax know?
Bobby: Doesn't matter. We're with him.
Wendy: Well, you love him. I can see that.
Bobby: We all do. You know, I know how rough it's been between the two of you. All the shit that's gone down. It's just, Jax... he doesn't have an outer crust like most of us. He just lets everything in, swallows it whole. The shit just boils in his gut. Since he was a kid.
Wendy: Yeah, I know. I never really knew what he was feeling. Until, you know, it blew up in my face.
Bobby: It's his heart that drives him. He does want the best for both his families, though. You still love him.
Wendy: I do.
Bobby: Oh, girl. (sighs) He sees it. It's not lost.
Tig: Wow. Did you know that Kiki offered a mint-flavored blow job?
Jax: We're looking for outstanding balances, dickhead.
Quinn: Sheriffs took all the client books.
Jax: Wives are gonna love getting that call.
Chibs: Okay. Set. Okay. The reunion's all set with Leland. Meet the AB at noon, county road six, out by our favorite farm. Mr. Gerber.
Tig: Gerber.
Jax: Why don't you check in with Jarry? We'll see what's pressing with Tyler.
Chibs: Did he say why he wanted T.O. There?
Jax: I'm guessing it's a black thing.
Nero: What's a black thing?
Jax: Tyler needs to connect with us and The Bastards.
Nero: About Marks?
Jax: That would be the black thing... Morning.
Nero: Oh, sorry. Morning. Morning, guys.
Tig: Morning.
Nero: What are we gonna do here, Mano? Hmm?
Jax: Clean it up. Hire new girls.
Nero: You really think people are gonna want to come back here?
Tig: Oh, come on. Guys love p*ssy, bro. I mean, we could have left the bodies on the floor. They'd still come back. Too soon?
Jax: Hey. Why don't you stay in Stockton? Run Colette's end.
Nero: No, I'm all right. I'm gonna call Lyla, have her bring some of the girls over here to... collect what's still in one piece.
Jax: All right.
Chibs: Hey, Nero, I'm sorry, man.
Nero: Yeah. Listen, uh, Bobby's ordered some new carpets. I was thinking we'd get some of the hang-arounds to come in, some paint, fix the walls.
Nero: Yeah, yeah. That sounds good. It's good. (sighs)
Jax: Did you hear anything?
Nero: Lin is done. Few of the guys that were left... they-they split. I doubt very much the Triads are gonna bother with any kind of retaliation this far up north.
Jax: No. What about Alvarez?
Nero: Oh. I stopped by the liquor store. It was locked up tight, so I'm, uh... I'm guessing he'll be in touch.
Jax: Where's your guys? You shouldn't be riding alone, man.
Nero: I told 'em to lay low.
Jax: Can I put Quinn with you?
Nero: I think I'm-I'm a little old for a babysitter, Mano.
Jax: I'm sorry, Nero. I know how much of this has landed on you and how hard it's been. We got your back, brother. For real. Who knows? I may be calling you step-daddy soon.
Nero: Yeah, and we all know how well that worked out in the past.
(Jax laughs)
Jax: Yeah. We're a fun family.
Jax: All right.
(Nero sniffles)
♪
(Clearing his throat)
Man: Anything else?
Juice: I think that's it.
Man: $1.81.
Juice: Uh, hey, can I get a pack of D's, too? Yellow?
(Man clears his throat)
(Grunting, thudding)
(Car door closes, engine starts)
(Tires squealing)
♪ Riding through this world all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight a perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life in the eye ♪
Sons of Anarchy - S07 E06
"Smoke 'em if you got 'em"
Tyler: He talked to all of us... Niners, East Dub. August knows what Lin knows. He can't prove it, but he's setting up to cut you out.
Jax: And by cut me out?
Tyler: He's gonna k*ll all you white boys.
Jax: Gonna have to let him know that's not part of my plan.
Tyler: I'm gonna let you deliver that message.
Bobby: So what's his play?
Tyler: On the streets. He's gonna take out your support. The Bastards...
T.O.: Shit.
Tyler: He'll use East Dub.
Jax: Why not the Niners?
Tyler: My guess is he's saving us to take you on. And if that happens, brother, we better know which way to jump.
Tig: Wheelchair bitch is still in the V.A. Who's running point for East Dub now?
Tyler: Bitch that took out three of your guys. DuLain.
Sticky: Hell, that shit ain't gonna happen.
Jax: Where's DuLain at now?
Tyler: That's not my hunt, man.
Jax: It is now, brother. You want to know which way we jump? Fast and forward.
Tyler: I hope you got a plan.
Jax: I got g*n and manpower.
Tyler: That's a plan. I'll track down DuLain, but you got to take it from there.
Jax: We will. T. We're gonna handle East Dub.
T.O.: You're looking at my whole table here, man. We lose another guy, we're just a few black guys on bikes.
Jax: Let me ask you something. Who in your crew could cut it in a full OMC?
T.O.: What do you mean?
Jax: You get patched over, who's gonna make it?
T.O.: What? You talking about the Sons? (Chuckles) Listen, last time I checked, brother, we're the wrong shade of white.
Jax: Just answer the question.
T.O. sighs: I wouldn't take Sticky. Too unpredictable. Menace is solid. Boller, maybe. Are you-you serious about this?
Jax: One miracle at a time. First we got to shut down August Marks.
T.O.: Hell yeah.
Jax: Give me a minute. Ho! I thought you were with my mom.
Unser: Oh, I-I was. Uh, she had me follow her halfway up. Uh, said if she had a problem, she'd reach out to Rogue River. You know how she gets.
Jax: She hasn't checked in since last night.
Unser: Well, she did with me. Her, uh, SUV broke down. I'm-I'm headed up there to get her now.
Jax: Why didn't she call me?
Unser: She didn't want to bother you. She's fine.
Jax: Okay. Well, have her call me when you get there.
Unser: Okay. Oh, hey. Oh, sh-she wants me to bring Wendy.
Jax: Why?
Unser: Um, guess she needs some... feminine products or such.
Jax chuckles: I'm sorry I asked. All right, well, as long Brooke's at Red Woody to watch the boys.
Unser: Okay, yeah.
Jax: All right.
Unser: All right.
Jax: Call Chibs. Tell him to get here.
Tig: Right.
Althea: No one rides alone?
Chibs: Things being what they are.
Althea: Which is?
Chibs: A bit thorny. What happened in Stockton?
Althea: Arresting officers told the D.A.'s offices you guys cooperated. Had nothing to do with the takedown.
Chibs: Jesus. If word gets out that we're cooperating with the D.A., it's gonna make things worse for us.
Althea: You should be thankful you're not in jail, Scottie. They found two keys of pure heroin on Lin.
Chibs: Drugs is not our game. We were just there to try to negotiate a peace.
Althea: Of course you were.
Chibs: Who tipped you off?
Althea: Whose payroll are the cops on? Charlie Barosky's? You share, I share.
Chibs: Oh. Understood, Lieutenant. How's Eglee doing?
Althea: She's awake but still critical.
Quinn: Yeah. Is that a worry for you?
Chibs: I was raised a Catholic. Everything's a worry for me.
Quinn: Chibs! We got to get back to TM.
Chibs: Okay. (Sighs) Duty calls.
Althea: Right.
Chibs: Thanks for yesterday.
Althea: For the sex or the heads-up?
Chibs: For the heads-up. You should be thanking me for the sex.
Althea: Oh, hey, I hear the D.A.'s getting pressure to offer Lin a deal. Get him to flip.
Chibs: On the Triads?
Althea: I doubt it. It's got to be local. Call came from the Oakland City Council.
Chibs: Shit.
Althea: You think they're trying to get Lin to give up the MC?
Chibs: I got to go. (Starts engine)
Gemma: That was the first time I realized he wasn't gonna be mine forever. He never said much about how he felt. But I could tell. It wasn't... it wasn't just a teenage crush or... He loved you so much. That never changed.
Gertie: Excuse me, ma'am, you can't smoke in here.
Gemma: It's a trucker joint, ain't it?
Gertie: Yeah, but you can't smoke.
Gemma: What about coffee? Is that allowed?
Gertie: Sure. Are you okay? Want me to call someone?
Gemma: Yeah. The guy who's gonna pour my coffee.
Gertie: Got it.
Gemma: Hey. Sorry. Long night.
Gertie: I get it. You want something to eat? The blueberry Danish are homemade.
Gemma: Yeah. Sounds good.
Gertie: Okay.
Gemma: What's your name, sweetheart?
Gertie: Gertie.
Gemma: Thank you, Gertie.
Gertie: Sure.
(Rock music playing on radio)
Jax: Does Jarry know who?
Chibs: No, just that pressure's coming from Oakland City Council. Got to be August.
Bobby: You really think Lin would turn?
Jax: After what we just did to him?
(T.O.) : Marks has that kind of pull?
Jax: He's got access to Pope's weight. I mean, he's got to prove himself, but...
Sticky: Well, how do we stop that shit from happening?
Jax: By showing the upstanding suits that August Marks is just a greedy thug in Pope's clothing.
Quinn: We should head out, brother.
Jax: Yeah. Why don't you ride with us.
T.O.: Where to?
Bobby: n*zi powwow.
Jax: I mean, you may have to hide in the back of the bus, but...
T.O.: That's cool. We'll just keep our white hoods on.
Jax: Come on.
Alvarez: We heard you're looking for a few Mexicans to help clean up.
Nero: Nah, man, I think we got it covered.
Oso: Why don't you ask the ladies to step out.
Nero: Diosas, go wait in the kitchen. It's okay. I'm just working here, Marcus.
Alvarez: Yeah, me, too, ése.
Nero: I was looking for you this morning.
Alvarez: Yeah? Why's that?
Nero: Let you know what went down with Lin.
Alvarez: I know what went down with Lin. He got busted with two kilos of heroin.
Oso: Barosky's cops.
Alvarez: The Sons set him up. You know anything about that?
Nero: I know all about it. So do you. Lin k*lled Teller's wife. Gemma saw the Chinese leaving Jax's house that night.
Oso: Convenient that your bitch is the only witness, huh?
Nero: You should tell your junkyard dog, he makes another comment like that, I'm gonna cut him a new smile.
(Clanging)
Alvarez: Cálmate. Cálmate. What am I supposed to do now, Nero, huh?
Nero: Lin sat there and gave me an ultimatum, man. Either I bring him Jax or he was gonna k*ll me and go after my kid. So it was my problem. I wasn't gonna bring you into that, Marcus. I believe Teller. I'm not saying how he went about it was right, but, uh, I had to make a choice, ¿qué no? And I did.
(Phone vibrating)
Alvarez: I've known you for a long time, carnal. But this reads as betrayal to my crew. I got to handle it accordingly.
(Oso speaks indistinctly)
Alvarez: Oso. (Speaking quietly) Hey, you're coming with us, huh? You drive him, huh?
Nero: Where?
Alvarez: To my office. Hey, don't make this harder than it already is, huh? Let's go.
Jax: Yo. Why don't you wait here. Shouldn't be too long.
T.O.: All right.
Leland: Well, well. You bring another police escort?
Tig: Just us bad guys.
Jax: We had nothing to do with the sheriffs. Of course, you g*n them down, so now they're everyone's problem.
Scoot: We hear the bitch lived.
Chibs: Yeah, unfortunately. But she is critical and not talking.
Leland: And if she does?
Chibs: Well, if she does... Then we'll take care of her.
Jax: Did you talk to Tully?
Leland: Yeah. How the hell did the chinks steal your heroin?
Tig: Uh-uh. Technically, it was their heroin. They just stole it back.
Bobby: Yeah, and now it belongs to the Sanwa D.A.
Jax: Look, we want to make this right, man. We can sell you g*n. As many as you want.
Leland: Nah. See... I deal drugs, not gats. The n*gg*r*s and the w*tbacks got a choke hold on heroin. You promised us two keys.
Bobby: That H fell into our laps. (Phone ringing) And we did Tully a solid by sending it his way.
Leland: Yeah, and he's already made arrangements based on that solid.
Jax: What, credit in Stockton?
Leland: Yeah. Set in motion a lot of favors.
Jax exhales: Jesus Christ.
Scoot: That was Danny. He's on his way in and he said there's a pack of c*ons on Harleys sitting at the turnoff.
Leland: What the hell is that?
Jax: They're with us.
Leland: Maybe you're planning a little... payback ambush?
Jax: Or maybe I'm just a white guy who's not living in 1956.
(Leland hawks, spits)
Jax: I'm gonna talk to Tully.
Leland: Yeah, you do that.
Chibs: I hate these n*zi pigs.
(Grunts)
Leland: Shit!
(Punches landing, grunting)
(g*n)
Jax: Come on, man. That ain't necessary. It's just a friendly little fight. Come on. Put 'em away. What's the matter? (Chuckles) You afraid to put down the g*n, bitch?
♪ ♪
Gemma: What time is it?
Gertie: It's, uh, noon. Little past. (Sets cup and saucer down) (Slides saucer across table)
Gemma: Thank you.
Gertie: Mm-hmm.
Gemma: Sorry about hogging your table.
Gertie: Oh, no worries. My station's half empty anyway. (Gemma groans) I'm taking a smoke break. You want to join me?
Gemma: Absolutely. You married?
Gertie: I was, five years ago.
(Gemma laughs softly)
Gemma: When you were ten?
Gertie: When I was pregnant.
Gemma: Right. Boy?
Gertie: Yeah. John. It was my dad's name.
Gemma: It's a good name.
Gertie: Can I ask who you were talking to? Uh, before you put out the smoke, you were...
Gemma: Yeah. Just myself. Exhaustion.
Gertie: You were talking about someone being in love. Sounded sweet.
Gemma: Yeah. My son. Lost his wife recently. We were close.
Gertie: I'm sorry. How'd she die?
Gemma: It was my fault.
Gertie: I-I didn't mean to pry.
Gemma: It's done now. Can't stop it.
Gertie: Can't stop what?
Gemma: It's just life, right?
Gertie sighs: That's my, uh... Honda over there. Keys are on the tire. You want to... lay down in the backseat and get some rest?
Gemma: Appreciate that, sweetheart. My ride will be here soon. Yeah, you're a good girl. I saw that right away. Your kid's lucky.
(Door squeaks open)
(Restaurant door closes)
(Nero speaks Spanish)
Nero: Hey. You're kidding me with this shit, right?
Alvarez: Till I find out where I'm at with the Sons.
Nero: Come on, Marcus.
Alvarez: Hey, no one asked you to referee this fight, ése. You volunteered.
(Padlock clunking)
T.O.: What the hell happened?
Jax: Just working shit out with h*tler Youth.
(Engines idling)
(Door opens)
Oso: He's here.
Alvarez: What do you want?
(Door closes)
Juice: My club wants me d*ad. I need to get to Mexico. Safe passage, full I.D.
Alvarez: What makes you think I'd help you?
(Paper bag crinkling)
Juice: A little under two grand... (Keys clacking) ... 2013 navigator.
Oso: That ain't shit, man. There's an APB out on you.
Juice: I'll give you any intel you want on SAMCRO.
(Engines turn off)
Oso: Oye. Your guy wouldn't let us wait inside.
Jax: What do you want?
Oso: Alvarez wants to talk. You should follow us.
Chibs chuckles: Yeah. I don't think so.
Oso: We got someone you been looking for. Ortiz.
Jax: What do you want with Juice?
Oso: Oh, don't want anything. He came to us. I'll leave one of my guys here. Good faith.
(Gemma sighs)
Gemma: I told you to come alone.
Wendy: I would have. We're still on lockdown.
Unser: What the hell happened?
Gemma: What do you think? Juice freaked out. Pulled a g*n, made me head east. Kicked me out at Salt Springs.
Wendy: Oh, Jesus Christ. You okay?
Gemma: I had a g*n in my face, now I just walked 12 miles in spiked boots, so no, I'm not really okay.
Gertie: Can I get anyone anything?
Gemma: I'm fine, sweetheart.
Unser: Uh, coffee, please.
Wendy: No, thanks. Where's your restroom?
Gertie: Uh, through the back, second door on the left.
Unser: Now, tell me what really happened, Gem.
Gemma: I told you.
Unser: Juice was unraveled, but you were the only lifeline he had. What happened? Did you k*ll him?
Gemma: No. He kicked me out of the car. I thought he was gonna k*ll me.
Unser: Well, that don't make sense. You ain't a thr*at. I mean, if you ratted him out, Jax would find out you helped him.
Gemma: It don't matter why. He couldn't pull the trigger.
Unser: This time. Thank you.
Gertie: Sure.
Unser: Henry Lin was arrested on drug charges last night. D.A. knows he's been warring with the MC. This is how we tie him to Tara's m*rder. You just... got to tell the sheriff what you saw at Jax's house that night.
Gemma: I'm not talking to the cops.
Unser: You tell Jarry or I do. Either way, she's gonna get your statement.
Gemma: What the hell are you doing, Wayne?
Unser: The right thing. For a change.
Gemma: Let's go. Thanks, sweetheart. Give the old guy the bill.
(Music playing in Spanish)
(Juice sighs)
Juice: When's he gonna be back?
Alvarez: Oso had to take it to his table. You remember how that works, don't you?
Juice: Yeah. (Door opens) Shit. What the hell is this?
Alvarez: Relax. They're just some old friends.
Jax: How'd he get here?
Alvarez: Showed up at the store. Wanting to trade club secrets for a one-way ticket to Puerto Vallarta.
Jax: Big move. What do you want?
Alvarez: Lin getting picked up got us rethinking our alliances. Now, we know you've been chopping 'em down. And we know why. We knew nothing about him going after the old lady.
Jax: I believe that. So what happens now, Marcus?
Alvarez: I want the g*n business.
Jax exhales: That's Irish business. It's not mine to give.
Alvarez: You gave it to Marks. Tell the IRA you changed your mind. With Oso's charter in place, we can offer you everything black does.
(Lighter clinking)
Jax: If I were to do that... I'd need more than just Juice.
Alvarez: How much more?
Jax: I need you to give the AB a piece of the prison trade. Takes care of a debt to Tully. Let 'em distribute in Stockton. The Niners... are breaking away from Pope's tit. Tyler's on board to take down Marks. You split Lin's heroin turf with Tyler fifty-fifty. That's gonna triple any h*t you take from the AB.
Alvarez: How do we handle Marks?
Jax: We take him out. Together. When that's done, I'll do the dance with the Irish Kings. Be the white face on the brown machine.
Alvarez: All right. Talk to Tully. Take it to your table. We'll do the same. If it works out, we got a deal.
Jax: And a truce.
Alvarez: Yeah. And you get your traitor back.
Jax: Take that cut off him. Let's go.
Alvarez: Pull the cut.
(Juice coughs, grunts)
(Panting)
(Grunting)
Juice: Oh, shit.
Nero: You better start the conversation.
Juice: You already know it. Shit I told you that night about Darvany. I betrayed my club.
Nero: So what are you doing in a Mayan closet?
Juice: Tried to buy a ride to the border.
Nero: That didn't go as planned, huh?
Juice: No. Why the hell you here?
Nero: Price of playing in the wrong backyard. I helped Jax bring down Lin.
Juice: For k*lling Tara.
Nero: Yeah.
Juice: Does Gemma know about that?
Nero: I'm-I'm not sure. Why? What's Gemma got to do with Tara?
Juice: Doesn't matter. (Sighs) I'm sorry about Darvany.
Nero: Yeah, Juice, well, you need to tell her son that, who's still alive.
Juice: I ain't gonna be telling anyone anything. This is death row, brother.
Nero: You sure about that?
Juice: Club rule. It has to happen. (Sighs) I deserve it.
Nero: So why you running?
Juice: Because... I'm a coward.
(Door shuts)
Jax: You own the room? I'm not sure there's enough dog code to explain what I got to say.
Tully: Yeah, we're alone.
Jax: I assume you heard from Leland.
Tully: What do you think? What happened to the two bricks?
Jax: I used 'em to flush out Lin. It went a little south.
Tully: I made a lot of promises based on that delivery.
Jax: So I hear.
Tully: So how are we gonna fix that?
Jax: It's already fixed. I just sat down with Marcus Alvarez. We settled our differences. He's agreed to give you the H trade in Stockton. Mayans supply, AB distributes.
Tully: We don't like mixing race with business.
Jax: Who you kidding, Tully? You don't give a shit about race. The only color you see is green.
Tully: It's my job to maintain the brand.
Jax: Right.
Tully: All right. You bring a sample of the H to Leland. If he's cool with it, I'll make it work.
Jax: I'm gonna want something in return. Lin will most likely start his sentence here. Parole violations.
Tully: Mmm.
Jax: I'm gonna need access to him. I'm not asking you to take him out, just to facilitate.
Tully: Well, why don't we burn that cross when we get to it.
Jax: All right.
Tully: Listen, Leland has a problem with your love of all things dark. If we want this relationship to move forward, we're gonna have to convince him that he can trust you.
Jax: And how do I do that?
Tully: You're a bright white boy. Figure it out.
(Knocking)
(Sighs)
(Door shuts)
Alvarez: That was Teller. It's coming together. Call your guys. Jax is gonna need some backup. And cut Nero loose, huh? I'm sorry it had to go down like this, huh?
Nero: Me, too. So we good here, Marcus?
Alvarez: Yeah. Ain't no bad blood.
Nero: That Gemma's ride?
Oso: Not anymore.
Alvarez: That's what Juice showed up in. It's to cover our holding fee.
Nero: What's gonna happen with him, man?
Alvarez: That's Teller's call.
Oso: Lowrider's outside. Go.
Gemma: Hey.
T.O.: Hey.
Gemma: Where's Jax?
T.O.: He's on club business. He's on his way back.
Gemma: What about Nero?
T.O.: Not here, no.
Gemma: You should head back to Red Woody. I'm gonna wait for Jax.
Unser: And the other thing?
Gemma: After I talk to my son.
(Motorcycles approaching)
Jax: How the hell did Unser find out about the Chinese?
Gemma: The sheriffs must have gotten it on the streets. Nero's guys, Bastards, Niners. Guess it's out there.
Jax: Yeah. (groans) Jarry's been pressing us on it.
Gemma exhales: Unser wants me to tell her.
Jax: You got to do it.
Gemma: We don't talk to cops.
Jax: She's on the dime, mom. (Exhales) This could help us. The D.A. is trying to flip Lin. If they have him on the m*rder of a doctor and a mother... They're not gonna give him a deal.
Gemma: Shit. Okay, baby. Can Quinn go with?
Jax: I can't spare him. Have Unser take you.
(Jax sighs)
Gemma: All right.
Jax: Are you okay? You look like hell.
Gemma: That's where I'm living, Jackson.
Gemma: Let's go.
(Engine starts)
(Jax sighs)
Bobby: Tyler found DuLain.
Jax: All right.
Bobby: Sure you want to do this now?
Jax: Yeah.
(Phone ringing)
Gemma: I want you and your sh*thole trailer off my lot.
Unser: Gemma...
Gemma: And stay here with your friends. I'm taking a cab.
Althea: Now I know who your source is. This is a big win, Wayne. You should feel good about it.
Unser: Yeah. Feels great.
Althea: Eglee's been taken off the critical list. She's been asking to see you.
Unser: Okay. Thanks.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
(g*n stops)
DuLain: All right! All right.
Jax: You DuLain?
DuLain: Yeah.
T.O.: Nice Impala.
Jax: Good?
T.O.: Yeah. (sighs)
(Door alarm dinging, engines idling)
(Motorcycles approaching)
(Engines turn off)
(Van's engine turns off)
(Door opens)
(Door closes)
Jax: Talked to Tully.
Leland: So did I.
Chibs: Here you go.
Leland: I ain't touching nothing that touched the hands of a n*gg*r lover.
Chibs: Okeydoke.
(Jax sighs)
Jax: This is so you know we can be trusted.
Leland: Holy shit.
Scoot: You k*ll all them?
Chibs: Aye. Just for you.
Leland: Who are they?
Bobby: Really? Does it matter? They were black. Now they're d*ad.
Tig: You want 'em? Target practice or something?
Scoot: You serious?
Leland: Yeah, man, we didn't ask you to go all Newtown. This shit is your problem. Give me the H. (Sniffs) Yeah, that's pretty good. I'll let Tully know.
Chibs: I think we scared them.
Jax: Another victory for race relations.
Tig: We're running out of room at Chigger Woods.
Jax: They're not going to the woods.
(Sighing)
Wendy: Hey.
Gemma: Hey.
Wendy: I got to get back to Red Woody, put Abel to bed. You should come, Gem.
Gemma: Too many people. I can't do it right now. (Tires squeal) Where you been?
Nero: Visiting friends.
(Nero exhales)
Gemma: What?
Nero: Wha... Oh, I just spent me some quality time bonding with Juice.
Gemma: Where?
Nero: In a Mayan closet. This whole thing with Lin... I'm with Jax on it. Alvarez has a problem with that.
Gemma: Oh, Christ.
Nero: No, not to worry, mama. Fences are all mended. SAMCRO and the Mayans worked shit out.
Gemma: How did... Juice get to be...
Nero: Juice was trying to sell club intel... In exchange for free passage to Mexico. Using your SUV as a deposit. Were you helping him hide out?
(Gemma sighs)
Gemma: Where's Juice now?
Nero: Wherever Jax is. Part of that MC truce was handing over the traitor. (Gemma panting) You were helping him.
Gemma: I know.
Nero: You were...
Gemma: I know. Yeah. If... (Sniffles) If he tells Jax what he knows... (Sniffles)
(Crying)
(Gemma crying)
(Monitor beeping)
Unser: How you feeling, sweetheart?
Eglee: I'm okay. I need some help, Wayne.
Unser: What's going on?
Eglee: I have to tell you what happened.
Unser: With the sh**ting?
Eglee: And who was there.
Alvarez: To our renewed friendship, huh?
Jax: The way it should be.
Tig: Come on.
Quinn: Yeah, let's get out of here.
(Van door closes)
(Engine starts)
Alvarez: Just for the record, even if we couldn't make a deal, I would've never made one with a rat.
Jax: Thank you, brother.
(Juice sighs) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "07x06 - Smoke 'em if You Got 'em"} | foreverdreaming |
Nero: Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
Tyler: August is spinning out, man. He's afraid that the streets are gonna blow up as he's trying to close this deal in Piedmont. It's a huge government housing project.
Jax: Is that the one where his partner's M.I.A.?
Tyler: Yeah, Haddem. He's a pastor over at Piedmont Grace.
Jax: The pantyhose preacher.
Chibs: Yup.
Jax: So, what do you need from us?
Tyler: The wife Loutreesha...
Loutreesha: He wants me to sign off, making him a partner.
Grant: She can't just hand it over to some gangsters.
Jax: She can if she wants you two alive.
Juice: My club wants me d*ad. I need to get to Mexico.
Alvarez: What makes you think I'd help you?
Juice: Give you any intel you want on SAMCRO.
Althea: The DA's getting pressure to offer Lin a deal. You think they're trying to get Lin to give up the MC?
Chibs: Shit! I got to go.
Unser: What the hell happened?
Gemma: Juice freaked out.
Unser: That don't make sense. If you ratted him out, Jax would find out you helped him.
Gemma: It, it don't matter why. He couldn't pull the trigger.
Unser: This time. DA knows Henry Lin's been warring with the MC. This is how we tie him to Tara's m*rder.
Gemma: I'm not talking to the cops.
Unser: You tell Jarry or I do.
Oso: Alvarez wants to talk. We got someone you've been looking for.
Juice: Shit! What the hell is this?!
Alvarez: Showed up at the store wanting to trade club secrets for a one-way ticket to Puerto Vallarta.
Jax: Big move. What do you want?
Alvarez: I want the g*n business.
Jax: I'd need more than just Juice.
Alvarez: How much more?
Jax: I'd need you to give the AB a piece of the prison trade. Takes care of a debt to Tully. Let him distribute in Stockton. You split Lin's heroin turf with Tyler 50/50.
Alvarez: How do we handle Marks?
Jax: Take him out together. Lin will most likely start his sentence here. Parole violations. I'm gonna need access to him.
Tully: Why don't we burn that cross when we get to it?
Alvarez: Just for the record, even if we couldn't make a deal, I would've never made one with with a rat.
Jax: Thank you, brother.
(Bird caws)
Juice: I'm sorry.
(Bird caws)
(Engines start)
(Wind bl*wing)
(Low sigh)
(Door closes)
Wendy: Hey.
Gemma: Hey.
Wendy: Lockdown's over.
Gemma: Yeah. That's good. Did you take Abel to school?
Wendy: Yeah. He didn't want to go. He was okay by the time I dropped him off, but he seems really... I don't know. Something's up. He seems more distant every day.
Gemma: He'll be fine.
Wendy: Hey. What's going on?
Gemma: You see Jax or any of the guys this morning?
Wendy: No, not since last night. Why?
Gemma: They have Juice.
Wendy: Shit! How?
Gemma: Doesn't matter.
Wendy: Do you think he told them about us?
Gemma: I don't know. Look. This shit with Juice... is on me. If you want to split, I get it.
Wendy: No. I'm done running, Gem. I'm here.
Gemma: Yeah. Okay. I know how hard you're trying. So do they. (Quiet laugh) Okay, if you... hear anything, I'll be at TM.
Wendy: If Juice did tell him, what do you think Jax'll do?
Gemma: Honestly... I don't know. That's what scares me.
(Door opens and closes)
CHP Officer: Yeah, so, we arrested this guy, we took him down...
(Motorcycle engine revving)
CHP Officer: Oh! Oh! Officers taking g*n! Request backup!
(Tires screech)
(Sirens wailing)
♪♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye ♪
♪
Unser: Hey. Can I bend your ear for a minute?
Jax: Yeah.
Unser: Eglee's awake.
Jax: Oh, that's great!
Unser: Yeah.
Jax: She say what happened?
Unser: Only to me.
Jax: Which was?
Unser: Told me about who was there when they got ambushed. But what you need to know is what she's not gonna say.
Jax: And are you sure about that?
Unser: Yeah. As long as she's not in anybody's crosshairs. Especially the kind that look like swastikas.
Jax: She's not.
Unser: I need your word.
Jax: Nothing is gonna happen to her.
Unser: And I'll make sure her memory stays vague about the MC.
Jax: Did you push her in that direction?
Unser: No. She went to high school with you, son. She loves this town. Just wants it to stay whole. I want the same for her.
Jax: Well, for the record, we had nothing to do with what happened. I've always liked Eglee.
Unser: Yeah. I get it. Not that it matters. Any, uh, word on Juice?
Jax: No, as far as I know, he's still missing. You should stick around and watch. Cocks and Bagels is gonna be huge.
(Unser clears throat)
(Sirens wailing)
(Tires screech)
(Sirens stop)
CHP Officer: Let me see your hands! Hands on your head now! Do it now! Hands on your head! Take him to the ground.
(Grunting)
(Indistinct radio transmission)
(Handcuffs clicking)
Tig: Good boy, Ratty. Yeah. You guys head to Piedmont now. Yeah. CHP's got Juice. One piece.
Jax: I know this is a big risk.
Chibs: But the boy will do what he was told. This is all he wants.
Bobby: Well, he did have a million chances to run.
Jax: If he stays on plan, Tully will set him up to finally k*ll Lin.
Happy: And if he chokes? And we become his leverage?
Jax: Then Tully'll k*ll Juice. Did you find the right spot for the pastor?
Tig: Yeah. They're starting to break ground on Pope's commercial row. Just outside of Montclair. Middle of nowhere.
Quinn: Only a project manager on site. He's gone by noon.
Bobby: We'll put him someplace sacred.
(Jax laughs quietly)
Jax: Good. Did you reach out to Tyler and Alvarez?
Chibs: Aye. Tyler's set. Mayans are in all the way.
(Jax sighs)
Jax: I'd be lying if I said I didn't see this coming. I hoped we could end Lin without severing our ties to August, but... (Quiet laugh) I knew the odds.
Happy: We're gonna find out who ratted us out to Lin.
Bobby: And we should be getting something back from Coletti about the guy Jury knew. Figuring out how he disappeared should shed some light.
Jax: But I knew, even without the rat... we'd end up going head to head with Marks at some point. And he's not Pope... but this is more than just another street beef. He's got money. He can buy protection, intel. His political sway is growing. I'm not sure how deep that goes. That's why we need to handle him with leverage, not blood. That choice puts us all here at risk. Our families, too. I need you to know that.
Chibs: We know that, Jackie Boy.
Bobby: There is an upside. The Niners and the Mayans are right there with us. Those are important relationships.
Jax: Yeah. (Sighs) Your loyalty and faith in me over the last few weeks... I can't express my gratitude. This vengeance was personal. And all of you have allowed me to bring it here. I know I keep asking for way more than the patch requires. And never once have any of you hesitated or had a blink of doubt. I don't think I'm gonna be able to repay that debt. You are my family. I love all of you.
Chibs: Yeah. We love you, Jackie.
(Door opens)
Unser: Hey. I, uh, just heard from Jarry. Juice fired sh*ts at some CHPs. They brought him down on, uh, 580.
Jax: Why'd he sh**t at cops?
Unser: I don't know. He ain't saying shit. He went full mute soon as they put cuffs on him.
Chibs: Probably best he's inside. Maybe the boy will get his head straight in there.
Jax: Thanks, man.
Gemma: Oh. Thanks, sweetheart.
Chuck: Sure. You know you could talk to me, right? I'm aware I'm some kind of mascot. The guys think I'm a joke and stuff, but I'm a good listener, Gem.
(Vehicle approaching)
Gemma: You're not a joke, Chucky. Hey. Thought you went to Diosa?
Nero: I was. You, uh, you hear any more on Juice?
Gemma: No. You see Jax?
Nero: No, not yet. I'm headed over to Red Woody, though. I wanted to talk with you first.
Gemma: About?
Nero: It's time for me to make a decision, Gem. About what's next. What's right.
Gemma: What're you talking about?
Nero: I tried to get back my rhythm hen I running my crew... again. I don't know. I guess it made me feel... vital?
Gemma: You are vital.
Nero: Not on the street, mama, not anymore. This thing that happened with the Chinese, I just made it worse. And almost got myself k*lled. (Sighs) So I was talking to my Tio Benny in Norco, my uncle. He'll give me his farm for an even mil, if I can come up with a 150 cash as a down. I want to sell Jax my piece of Diosa. I'm gonna take Lucius, and, uh, I'm gonna just...
Gemma: Perfect.
Nero: I want you to come with me.
Gemma: I can't leave my family.
Nero: You wouldn't have to. The boys... the boys, they're gonna, they're gonna love it out there.
Gemma: I'm not gonna run away.
Nero: No, no. It-It's not running away. It's us having a place that we can run to. I want you with me. Us. This is about us.
Gemma: Look, I can't. There's... there's just too much shit going on.
Nero: Yeah, I know. I know.
(Vehicle approaching)
I'm sorry I'm just putting more stuff on top of everything else. But after the last few days... Before you say no, just... think about it a little. Okay? (Sighs) Take into consideration all the bad shit that's happened here. (Sniffles) (Sighs) We deserve something better, Gemma.
Gemma: Do we?
Nero: Yes, baby, yes. We do, we do. I got serious love for you.
Gemma: I love you, too. (Sniffles) Okay. I'll think about it.
Nero: Thank you. See you later?
Gemma: Sure.
(Car door opens)
(Engine starts)
You hear anything?
Unser: Uh, yeah. Juice got picked up for, uh, f*ring sh*ts at highway patrol.
Gemma: What?
Unser: Exactly. They caught him out on 580. He's in County.
Gemma: Did Juice say anything to Jax?
Unser: I'm not sure. But I could tell that they already knew he'd been picked up. They're working Juice, Gemma. Using him for something.
Gemma: Oh, Christ.
Unser: I'm gonna need a few days to find a place to park the sh*thole. If that's okay.
Gemma: Hey, Wayne. Don't go. No, I...
Unser: I thought...
Gemma: I'm sorry. And I-I know I said that. I just... I don't want anyone else leaving me.
(Sniffles)
(Unser grunts)
(Birds singing)
Grant: Look, I don't know what you want, but my mother's in no condition to talk to anyone.
Jax: She doesn't have a choice.
Grant: We did what you said. She signed the deal for August Marks. Now please, just leave us alone.
Jax: Signing it bought you some time, but for Marks that's just the beginning. He's gonna suck every dime out this place and level it for condos. We can help you. If you help us.
(Grant sighs)
Grant: She's starting to bend. I'm trying to take her down a little every day.
Chibs: Why don't you put her in detox?
Grant: It's too public.
Jax: We can help with that, too.
Chibs: We haven't lied to you yet.
(Grant sighs)
Jax (quietly): Keep an eye out. We know for sure your husband was k*lled. It was August Marks.
Loutreesha: Oh, sweet Lord.
Chibs: Sorry.
Loutreesha: How do you know?
Jax: We've been watching Marks. We saw a couple of his thugs burying a body at a Pope construction site.
Grant: And you dug it up?
(Sighs) Jesus.
Happy: We can show you a picture.
Loutreesha: No. W-What do you want from us?
Jax: I need your help to stop Marks. If we don't act now, he is gonna destroy what's left of both our families.
Loutreesha: Hmm?
Jax: My wife was m*rder a few weeks ago.
Loutreesha: Oh, my God.
Grant: What do you want her to do?
(Chibs sighs)
Chibs: Just... tell the truth.
Jax: Just having proof that there's a body on one of his properties is not gonna be enough of a thr*at. But if you sign a statement saying that he thr*at you and your husband into signing that housing deal... that's motive for m*rder. That'll ruin him. That's a thr*at with teeth.
Grant: Then why not just have him arrested?
Chibs: 'Cause then he has nothing to lose and he'll have you both k*lled.
Jax: Look, the leverage of him losing an empire he can almost touch... that's gonna be enough to back Marks off. You keep the death photos of your husband and your statement with an informed third party. That's what keeps you safe. Protects your church... your husband's legacy.
Loutreesha: You need to tell him.
Jax: Tell me what?
Grant: One of my stepfather's... suppliers... has been blackmailing us. He has cell phone footage of Jonathan with... very young men at the lake house. And you can see pictures of my mother and me in the background.
Loutreesha: I don't have any more money to pay him. When that comes out, the church's reputation and my credibility will be ruined. I mean, I-I'm afraid my statement against Mr. Marks won't provide much leverage. I'm sorry.
Jax: You're talking about a pimp?
Grant: He goes by the name Greensleeves. Oakland P.O. box.
Jax: We can handle your blackmail problem. But I need to know you're with us on Marks. We have a cabin a few hours from here. My guys could take you up there. I'll have my mom come out, she can help taper you off the junk. She's done it with a few of my guys. We can get you well.
(Loutreesha sobs)
Loutreesha: Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I brought him into your life.
Grant: No, Mama, Mama, it's not your fault. Okay? It's not your fault. I am still here.
Loutreesha: Okay. I'll... I'll give you your statement.
(Sniffles)
Jax: All right, this is it. Okay? All right?
(Loutreesha sobs)
All right, have her sign it and then you sign it as a witness. Make me a copy and that's what I'll bring to Marks.
Chibs: This'll keep her even through the night.
Jax: I'll have you follow one of my guys up to the cabin. My mom will be there as soon as she can.
Grant: Okay.
Jax: Look, I'm sorry your family got caught in the middle of this, but you need to trust me. This is the only move.
Grant: Do you believe in God?
Jax: What's important is that you do. All right, go on. You mom needs you. Call Nero. See if he knows our pimp. You're taking a road trip.
Montez: All right.
Jax: They're gonna follow you up to the cabin. Make sure you keep them in your sights, okay?
Montez: Got it, boss.
Jax: All right. All right, call Gemma. Tell her I need her at the cabin.
Rat Boy: What do we tell her?
Jax: That I need her at the cabin.
Rat Boy: Mm-hmm. What if she says "no"? Your mom can, you know, be a little... difficult.
Jax: Are you afraid of my mother?
Happy: We all are.
Jax: She doesn't need details. Just... tell her I got a mother-son issue, a family problem that needs some help. I'll call her when I get there.
Chibs: Nero's going to meet us. Jimmy's on Lancer.
Jax: Let's do it.
(Engines revving)
Nero: And what do you want with Greensleeves? Or shouldn't I ask?
Chibs: Just want to talk to the fella.
Nero: Yeah. Semiautomatic discussion?
Jax: He's trying to blackmail a friend of ours. Innocent people are gonna get hurt. That's the truth.
Nero: Adam Greenblat. He's been in the game for a while.
Jax: You know where he hustles?
Nero: Out on Mission. Near the Blade.
Jax: You think you could ID him?
Nero: Oh, yeah. Yo, when it's done? I need ten minutes. Diosa stuff.
Jax: Okay.
(Clank)
Juice: Why am I being isolated? I should be in G.P.!
(Distant conversations echoing)
(Engine revs)
Nero: Guy by the Hummer. You need me?
Jax: No. I think we got it.
Nero: I'm here, Mano, but I'm gonna hang back.
Jax: All right, cool.
Winsome: That dot-head's batshit crazy, G. He almost broke my arm the last time. Oh!
Greensleeves: Like that? Like this?
Winsome: Shit, G...
Greensleeves: Is that what he did?
Winsome: Ah, yes!
Greensleeves: Tell me, does it hurt?
Winsome: Yes! Ow. Ow...
Greensleeves: Oh, no, baby, see, it don't hurt. What it does is it makes you stronger. See, that Iranian? He is paying for the privilege of making you stronger. See, now, my other girls? See, they can't handle that. They ain't brave like you. They ain't special, are they?
Winsome: No.
Greensleeves: See, that's my champion. My golden girl. My Winsome, lose none. Come on, baby, who put the "O" in "ho"?
Winsome (giggles): I do.
Greensleeves: Who puts the "O" in "ho"?
Winsome: I do.
Greensleeves: That's right. See, that's my girl. My perfect player. Now, I don't want to hear no more talk about you refusing customers. See these limbs? They are way too precious. Right?
Winsome: Yeah. I'm sorry, I...
(Knocking on Hummer)
Jax: Excuse me, kids. Sorry to interrupt, but I'm looking for a guy called Adam Greenblat. Do you know where I can find him?
Greensleeves: Never heard of him.
Chibs: How 'bout a pastor named Haddem? You heard of him?
Greensleeves: Wrong tribe. Why don't you leather boys hop back up on your scooters and get the hell off my block?
(Grunting)
(Chibs yells)
Nero: Shit. Hey!
Chibs: Hey! Arsehole!
Jax: Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Winsome: Ah! Help!
Jax: Shh! (Winsome screaming incoherently) Shh, shh! Shut up! I'm not gonna hurt you. Shh.
Nero: Hey, maybe she, uh, maybe she wants to clean up a little bit. You know? Work in a nicer environment?
Jax: What's your name, darling? We got an offer to make you.
Winsome: Winsome.
Chibs: Ah. That's lovely.
Winsome: Don't be mean.
Jax: We need to find Greensleeves. We just want some information.
Winsome: Yeah? If I give it to you, he'll cut my lips off.
Chibs: Guess that'd be bad for business, eh?
(Winsome breathing hard)
Winsome: What's your offer?
Jax: Get you off the street. More money.
Nero: Nicer employer.
Winsome: "Diosa Escorts." (Laughs) I'm not really the girl you take to the opera before I swallow your cock.
Nero: Well, most of our girls work in-house. You get to set your own schedule. Choose the guys you want to work with.
Jax: That's right. And ain't no one cutting your lips off for making a mistake.
Winsome: So...what, you'd be my pimp?
Jax: Your employer. Who'd break anyone's arm, they so much as lay a hand on you.
Winsome: That's kind of sweet.
Jax: Yeah, we're all very sweet.
Chibs: Come on, darlin'. Where can we find the Jew pimp?
Nero: Winsome, we'll get you out of here right now. You will never have to deal with him again.
Winsome: Not to sound anti-semantic, but the whole Jew thing, I think it's kind of bullshit. He's got a foreskin that almost reaches his knees.
(Chibs sniffs)
Jax: We'll be sure to keep an eye out for that. Tell us where we can find him, sweetheart.
Greensleeves: Now! I need it now! What do you mean you can't get here? I'll pick it up. Yeah! It don't matter, all right? I need it.
Greensleeves: Ah-ah!
Hooker: Do you know these guys?
Greensleeves: Look, get the hell out, man, all right? Get the hell out of here!
Jax: We just want the phone with the pastor.
Greensleeves: And all I want you to do is suck my dick, all right? How the hell did you guys find me?
Chibs: Don't matter.
Greensleeves: I will slit her throat wide open.
Jax: What? You think I give a shit about one of your strung-out whores?
Hooker: Why is he so mad? Ow. That sucks.
Chibs: Time for a nap, love.
Jax: Get up.
Chibs: Night-night. -
Greensleeves: Aw, shit!
Jax: Get up!
(Greensleeves groaning)
Phone with the preacher... where is it?
Greensleeves: It's on the table, man, it's the Android on the table! Who talked to you, huh? Was it Winsome? That weak, little, crazy skank. She cave on me?
Chibs: Got it.
Greensleeves: I don't know who you guys are, but I'm gonna find you.
Jax: Isn't there some kind of rule in your religion about tattoos and su1c1de? You can't get into heaven or something?
Greensleeves: Yeah, you can't be buried with your family. Like I give a shit.
Jax: Yeah, that's cool.
(Greensleeves yells)
(Moans, grunts)
Chibs: That was a very sloppy su1c1de.
Jax: Yeah? It worked. He's d*ad.
Chibs: Aye. What about his junk mate?
Jax: Ah, she ain't gonna remember shit.
Chibs: Shalom.
Jax: Appreciate you helping out.
Nero: Been a rough month, Mano.
Jax: Yeah.
Nero: I want you to buy me out, Jax.
Jax: Why?
Nero: Why do you think?
Jax: Look, man, I know I haven't dealt with all this stuff very well.
Nero: No, it's not that. I should've listened to my gut. Walked away a few months ago.
Jax: It's all gonna calm down, Nero. Look, Lin's gone. We're good with the Mayans. I'm making shit right with August. It's gonna be business as usual, man. I promise.
Nero: Promise. Sorry, Mano. I've heard that a few times.
Jax: I know.
Nero: Need a lift?
Jax: No. I'll wait for the flatbed.
Nero: Okay. I should get her over to Diosa.
Jax: It's no rush. I don't think Greensleeves is gonna be able to hurt her no more. See you later.
Nero: And you wonder why I want out, huh?
Winsome: Are you a gangster?
Nero: I don't think so.
(Engine starts)
Chibs: Tyler. He can meet us here. Ten minutes.
Jax: All right, good.
(Car door shuts)
(Grunts)
(Van doors shut)
Gemma: Where's Jax?
Rat Boy: Oakland.
Happy: He wants you to come with us.
Gemma: Where?
Happy: The cabin. Club business.
Gemma: I need to talk to Jax.
Rat Boy: No, he said he'll call you.
Gemma: I got, I got a lot of shit to do in here and, uh, I just can't...
Rat Boy: It's a mother-son thing. Family problem needs your help. That's all we can tell you.
Happy: He was clear, Gem. You got to come with us.
Gemma: If I say no?
Happy: You can say whatever you want, Mom, just got to do it up at the cabin.
Gemma: For how long?
Rat Boy: Not sure.
Gemma: Just got to pick up a few things at my house.
Happy: Okay.
(Engine starts)
Jax: Here. Give this to August. My guys will text you the photo.
Tyler: Where do you want to do this meet?
Chibs: Crescent Park, near the picnic tables, 6:00.
Jax: If he comes with force or refuses to meet, tell him that goes to the DA.
Tyler: You coming deep?
Jax: Mayans will be there.
Tyler: And us?
Jax: Nah, we need to wait on breaking you away. I still need you close to him.
(Sighs)
Tyler: Yeah. All right. Let's just hope he don't k*ll the messenger.
(Thomas cooing)
(Babbling)
(Quinn coughing)
(Retching)
Tig: Amateur.
Quinn: Sorry.
(Phone camera clicking)
Tig: Perfect.
Bobby: Fill it in.
Tig: I'll send these pics to Tyler.
Happy: What's up, A-man?
Brooke: Why'd they send him home?
Wendy: He got into a shoving match with a first grader.
Brooke: Jesus.
Wendy: What are they doing here?
Brooke: They came with Gemma. Rat won't tell me anything. He's so different around the club.
Wendy: Hmm. Get used to it.
Gemma: Oh. My precious, Thomas. Here, baby. I love you. I miss you so much.
(Bird cawing)
I have to tell him. But you're the only one, sweetheart. You're the only one who really needs to know. I was trying to be a good grandma. To help my family. I love my family. But accidents... you know, sometimes, sweetheart, accidents just happen. They, they happen for love...
(Thomas fussing)
Yes. They happen for reasons we don't understand. k*lling your mommy was an accident. It was such... an awful accident.
Crying: I didn't want to k*ll her. I didn't mean it. I loved your mommy so much.
(Thomas crying)
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Wendy: Hey. Why are they taking you to the cabin?
Gemma: Jax wants me there.
Wendy: Oh, hey, Gem, Jax isn't gonna hurt you. Come on, you know that. I mean, he'll be pissed, but-but he loves...
Gemma: Who knows what Juice told him?
Wendy: What does that mean?
Happy: We got to go, Gem.
Gemma: Yeah. Here.
Wendy: Come on, baby.
Gemma (whispering): Tell Nero to come to the cabin.
Wendy: Okay. Hey.
Alvarez: Why do you want out, ése?
Nero: Seriously? You had my brown ass locked in a closet two days ago.
Alvarez: I had no choice on that.
Nero: I know... I know. Colette's gone. And Lyla, she's running Red Woody now. It-It's really gonna be too much work, man.
Alvarez: And Teller's okay with you selling your piece to us?
Nero: Business. He gonna have to be okay. Besides, it gives you guys something to bond over.
Alvarez: How much?
Nero: 300K. I gonna need half of that in cash, upfront.
Alvarez: Yeah, seems fair. Anything else I need to know about doing business out here?
Nero: Other than the occasional, uh, Chinese payback, it's a very quiet place.
Alvarez: Come on, Nero. I know you ain't afraid of a few b*ll*ts?
Nero: I'm just getting too old to dodge them, homes. Think about it, hmm? Let me know.
Alvarez: Yeah. I'll bring it to the table.
(Phone ringing)
Nero: Wendy, hey. What? What for? Jesus Christ. They-they say any... Yeah, yeah, I know where it's at, I know.
Jax: Gemma got you running pickups now?
Unser: No. Not yet. About your mom, uh... I got a call from Wendy. Guess Gemma was pretty upset about having to go up to the cabin.
Jax: What're you talking about?
Unser: Said she was crying and kind of freaked out. I mean, something going on?
Jax: No.
Chibs: Shit. Happy.
Bobby: What the hell did he say to her?
Unser: I don't know. I mean, she is gonna be safe up there, right, son? I mean, no grenades or angry outlaws?
Jax: She'll be fine. All that's done.
Unser: Okay.
Jax: Hey. Thanks.
Bobby: Maybe I should head up there and make sure both mothers are okay.
Jax: Yeah, I'd appreciate that. Take Quinn with you.
Bobby: You need him. Tiggy can take the Glide. I'll take the t*nk.
Jax: All right. Thanks, brother.
Bobby: Cool.
Tig: Okay, Tyler just confirmed, boss. August is gonna be there.
Jax: Almost home, boys.
(Engine starts)
(Engine starts)
(Floorboards creaking)
Montez: In the bedroom.
Gemma: I just need some water. (Water shuts off) Who's this?
Rat Boy: The mother and son. The... the family problem. That's why you're here.
(Gemma sighs)
♪ ♪
(Engines roaring)
Bobby: ♪ My one and only prayer ♪
♪ Is that someday you'll care ♪
♪ My hopes, my dreams come true... ♪
♪ Some day you'll care for me ♪
♪ But it's only make ♪
be... ♪
(Tries squealing)
(Grunting)
(Engine hissing)
(Groaning)
Oh, shit.
(Groans)
Alvarez: He's late.
Jax: Yeah, we know.
Chibs: I'll call Tyler.
(Sighs)
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Harlan: Relax. I'm a friend of Tully's.
Rat Boy: Nero's car.
Happy: What're you doing here?
Nero: Where's Gemma, guys?
Gemma: I'm here. I asked him to come.
Happy: Does Jax know?
Gemma (chuckles): Hey, you pretty much kidnapped me to help some junkie. I need another junkie to do that. Thanks for coming. Thank you.
Chibs: It's been over an hour, Jackie.
Alvarez: What do you want to do, pres? (Vehicle approaching) Is that him?
Jax: I don't know.
Chibs: Where's the Rolls?
Moses: My name is Moses Cartwright. I'm the head of Mr. Marks' security team.
Jax: And where is he?
Moses: His reply to your request is in the package. I really admire your level of camaraderie. I can see how brotherhood is important to all of you. You guys have a good evening.
(Engine starting)
(Bobby groaning over speakers)
(Screaming)
(Growling)
(Jax sighs)
(Jax sighs) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "07x07 - Greensleeves"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on "Sons of Anarchy"...
Chibs: You guys all alone?
Gib: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just us tonight.
Tom: Found the house.
Jax: Was the crew there?
Tom: One of 'em. g*n hole in the chest.
Bobby: Jury?
Jury: What's up, Bobby?
Bobby: Gonna need some intel about those guys who helped us with the Chinese?
Jury: I knew the one guy a little bit. Gibby! Name was Gib Leary. g*dd*mn it!
Bobby: Figuring out how he disappeared should shed some light.
Happy: We're gonna find out who ratted us out to Lin.
(g*n, indistinct yelling)
Unser: Juice fired sh*ts at some CHPs. He went full mute as soon as they put cuffs on him.
Chibs: Probably best he's inside. Maybe the boy will get his head straight in there.
Harlan: Relax. I'm a friend of Tully's.
Jax: I need your help to stop Marks. Just having proof that there's a body on one of his properties is not gonna be enough of a thr*at. But if you sign a statement, that's gonna be enough to back Marks off. We have a cabin. I'll have my mom come out. She can help taper you off the junk. She's done it with a few of my guys. That's what keeps you safe. Here. Give this to August. If he comes with force or refuses to meet, tell him that goes to the D.A.
(Tires screeching)
(Grunting)
Moses: My name's Moses Cartwright. I'm the head of Mr. Marks' security team. His reply to your request is in the package.
(Bobby screaming)
Juice: Tell your CPO I'm ready to talk.
Guard: Fine.
(Heavy door opens)
Bobby: You know, the club ain't gonna give you shit. You might as well just k*ll me.
Moses: Due process.
Chibs: Hey, brother. Happy and Rat are on their way back. Still trying to track down Tyler.
Jax: How could I not see this coming? I'm out of my depth here, man.
Chibs: This is not on you, Jackie.
Jax: How can it not be? I completely underestimated August. He's smarter than I am. Zero vulnerabilities. He's got no family. No one close to him. It's the perfect move. He knows how tight the club is. How much I love my guys.
Chibs: You can't let this pull you off track, Jackie. Those guys downstairs... they need you focused... and strong.
Jax: Look what I've done, man. Diosa... Colette... West. Now Bobby. (Chuckles) Hey. Bobby knows the risks. We all do. And we're all still here.
Jax: Some of us. I can't risk anyone else...
Chibs: You can't risk not to. If you cave now, everything we've done over the past few weeks... all be for nothing. Why did we start this?
Jax: Tara.
Chibs: Right. And the brutality that was done to your family... that's not finished. Marks? He's just part of this now. Sons of Anarchy have a duty, brother. A mission. And we need our g*dd*mn leader.
Jax: I love you, Filip.
Chibs: I love you, too, Jackson.
S07E08
The Separation of Crows
(Door closes)
Tig: Hey. Montez is up at the cabin with Gemma. I got Quinn with Wendy and the boys.
Jax: All right. I put Tacoma with Lyla in the garage.
Jax: Good.
Tyler: Sorry about Bobby, man.
Jax: Yeah.
Chibs: So, you talk to Marks?
Tyler: Just his new commando leader. What do we know about Moses Cartwright?
Tyler: Ex-military. Special ops. Blackwater graduate. So is his team.
Tig: Shit. That's a serious reumee.
Jax: What does August want?
Tyler: What do you think he wants? The d*ad pastor and his family. That photo and statement set him on f*re, man. I never seen him do nothing like this before. Moses said for every 24 hours August has to wait, he's gonna cut off another part of your guy. Means you got until the end of the day.
Rat boy: Jesus Christ.
Jax: We need to find out where they're holding Bobby.
Tyler: Already got my guys on it, scoping out pope's office buildings and construction sites.
Jax: What about safe houses? Pope had a couple outside Oakland.
Tyler: Yeah, those got compromised a while back. But we'll still check 'em.
Jax: All right. Thank you.
Tyler: You know, I'm with you on Marks, Jax. But I don't know how much longer I'm gonna be able to keep playing double agent.
Chibs: Niners are the only ones that can get us close to Marks so we can get Bobby back.
Tyler: Yeah, I know, but with this new k*ll squad on the street they're gonna put it together that I'm helping you.
Jax: There's no half-in, Tyler. You want business after Marks, we do this together or you're on your own.
Tyler: All right. I'll let you know what we find out.
(Sighs)
(Clears throat)
Tig: Jax, we heard from Coletti. The bounty hunter with Bobby's ex. He's got intel on the guy that we used for the Chinese in Selma.
Jax: Not today.
Chibs: Jackie. Nothing we can do for Bobby right now. Until we hear back from Tyler...
Tig: If we track down whoever ratted us out to lin, we can shut another door.
Happy: We need to find the rat, Pres. He could be the one feeding intel to Marks, too. This shit should've been handled already.
Jax: All right. Bring Coletti here.
Tig: I'll call him.
Chibs: Yes, you do that.
(Sighs)
Unser: Gemma say why she was there?
Wendy: Club thing. She didn't give me any details, but she did say she was safe and that Juice didn't say anything about us helping him.
Unser: Yeah, for now. He requested to talk to me and the new sheriff. I'm guessing it's about making some kind of deal.
Wendy: Why did Juice sh**t at those cops?
Unser: He's playing something out for Jax. That's the only reason he ain't d*ad.
Brooke: Hey.
Wendy: Hey.
Unser: Hey, you got more in the car?
Quinn: Nah.
Brooke: No, that's it. Thank you.
Quinn: Sure. Be out front if you need me.
Brooke: Um, did the school call here?
Wendy: I don't know. I was in the shower. Why?
Brooke: I guess something happened again. They're sending Abel home.
Wendy: Oh, shit.
Unser: You need a lift?
Brooke: Uh, no, they said it's got to be Jax or Gemma. Legal guardians. It sounded serious.
Wendy: Okay.
(Sighs)
Moses: You mind? You ever serve? I already know the answer. Infantry boot for Grenada. Never deployed. Reserves for ten years. I bring up the combat reference to make a point. We're at w*r, you and me. The eye? That's all about expediting a solution. I don't know you. I never will. But if I have to k*ll you, it won't be personal. It'll be in the service of my current commander.
Bobby: Oh, come on, is that really the line of bullshit you buy into... Every day? You look in the mirror, you tell yourself, "I'm not a bad guy." You ain't a soldier. You're a scumbag with a few paid skills. Thug like the rest of us. You're right. That's why we grabbed you. You're the one with brains and reason. Teller needs you.
Bobby: Can't be that smart. I'm sitting here, talking to you.
Moses: Come on, Munson. You know how this plays out. Teller will spin his wheels for the rest of the day, trying to track down where you are.
(Bobby exhales) Then I take off another body part. He gets that, it breaks him. He tells me what I want to know. You can save him a lot of remorse, and yourself any further debilitation. We've narrowed it down to four possible construction sites. However, it would be a bit time-consuming and conspicuous to go bulldozing acres of city land looking for a body.
(Chuckles) Maybe you accidentally put your cigarette out on the right location. We get what we want, and we can all go home and sleep in our own beds.
Bobby: You took my eye out. I didn't tell you anything. You think this little twinkie-dinkie heart-to-heart will push me your way?
Moses: I hope so. I know how important it is for members to ride. I'd hate to see you lose that clutch hand.
Bobby: You're right. This is about w*r. And maybe tomorrow, next month, maybe ten years from now, someone wearing a reaper will cut your heart out.
Moses: Give me the location of the pastor. And just maybe you'll be the one holding the Kn*fe.
(Door closes) (Laughing)
Coletti: This kid, O'Leary, where'd you last see him?
Jax: Selma. He helped us with a job.
Coletti: That makes sense. That's where his VA checks were going.
Jax: He was a vet?
Coletti: Yeah, Iraqi freedom. Had a few juvie priors before he enlisted. He's been MIA a couple weeks. How about family or old w*r buddies?
Coletti: Nothing on his friends. Mom's off the grid. Renee O'Leary. She popped up for a marriage license two years ago. Her husband, Carl Egan, did a five-year stretch at Corcoran for running g*n across state lines.
Jax: Arms dealer?
Coletti: Not to sell. To distribute for the cause. One of those militia whack jobs. He's got a compound north of Lockeford. No street address, just rural roads and county markers. These guys, they like to think they're ghosts, but they forget that there's this little thing called Google Earth. Watches you piss in the middle of the night.
Jax: This is good work, man.
Coletti: Thanks.
Chibs: Thank you.
Coletti: Can you ask Bobby to reach out to Precious? Insurance doesn't cover the kid's inhalers anymore. I mean, this helps, but she asked me to mention it.
Chibs: Yeah, sure, we'll let him know.
Coletti: Appreciate it. Take care, guys.
Jax: All right. Let's take a ride.
Gemma: I want you to smoke this. Give you a nice little rush. Keep those deep bends from hurting. (Sighs) Yeah. Now you keep drinking water. These bananas, too, if you can stomach 'em. (Grunts) (Sighs) I got clean sheets out in the closet in the front room. Gonna need to change these.
Grant: Okay. Thank you for helping us.
Gemma: Well, you must be important to Jax. Otherwise I wouldn't be here.
Loutreesha: You must think I'm an awful mother.
Gemma: It's not my place to judge. We all fall down. It's about how we get up.
Loutreesha: He's really... A good man. Grant. My son. That's the hardest thing. Knowing my weakness has driven him to v*olence. It's not his nature.
(Phone rings)
Gemma: That's what we do when our family needs us. Things we wouldn't do otherwise.
Loutreesha: Well, sometimes those things are a mistake. An impulse that just causes more chaos.
Gemma: Doesn't matter what happens. It's why we did it. That's what counts.
(Knocking)
Nero: Wendy's on the house phone.
Gemma: Yeah, okay. Stay focused on what's in front of you. Get well. That's how you help your boy.
(Engines turn off)
Jax: Looks quiet.
Happy: Too quiet.
Tig: Maybe the revolution took a day off.
(a*t*matic g*n)
(g*n stops)
Jax: What the hell you sh**ting for?! We just want to talk! About Gib O'Leary!
(g*n burst)
Chibs: Hey! We got no beef with anyone in there!
Happy: Whew. Guess they don't feel like talking.
Chibs: No. What do you want to do now, Jackie?
(Dirt bike approaching)
Jax: Who's this? Denny: Ma?!
Renee: Get the hell out of there! Denny!
Jax: Put it down.
Carl: You stupid shithead!
Jax: Put it down. We got five g*n pointed at a kid out here! All we want to do is talk! We're not going to hurt anyone!
Carl: Let the kid go, I'll come out! You ain't exactly earned my trust yet, bro!
Chibs: Put the g*n down!
Carl: Not until you let him go.
Renee: Put down the g*n, Carl. I'll cut you in your sleep, old man. Get over here, Denny.
Denny: Sorry, mom.
Renee: You get inside.
Carl: You assh*le.
(Denny grunts) Could've got us k*lled.
(g*n)
Tig: Go ahead. h*t him again.
Jax: Tig. Are you Gib's mom?
Renee: Yeah.
Jax: What the hell is all this?
Renee: Carl is Gibby's stepdad. His real dad is a member of your club. Called me about a week ago, said Gib was k*lled. Happened on a job, and he had to get rid of the body. Keep it quiet. I didn't get to say good-bye to my boy.
(Voice cracking): I couldn't give him a proper burial. I was pissed off, and I thr*at to call the cops. Which... clearly I would never do. Figured you guys were (Clears throat) here to keep me quiet.
Jax: Who is his father?
Renee: Jury White. I mean, if you ain't here for Jury, what do you want to know about Gib? He-he was a friend of mine. We did boot together. I've been trying to track him down.
Renee: Oh. I'm sorry, son.
(Phone ringing)
Rat boy: Yeah, me, too.
Jax: Look, will you do me a favor? Don't tell Jury we were here. I'd like to pay my respects in person.
Renee: I never talk to him. I'm sorry for the hostile welcoming. Carl gets a little paranoid.
Jax: Yeah, I can see that. I'm sorry for your loss. Quick thinking, Rat.
Rat boy: Thanks.
Happy: Tyler. So far, he's coming up empty on Bobby.
Chibs: So... Jury must've been the one that took Gib's body from the house, saw Lin's heroin... Maybe he put it together.
Tig: He's the only other one who knew where we were storing the Chinese g*n.
Jax: All right, call Jury. Have him meet us halfway. Sutter Creek or Pine Grove, somewhere quiet. Just him and his VP. Tell him it's urgent.
Tig (Quietly): Okay.
Jax: That I need... counsel on how to handle the triads.
Chibs: Aye. What're you gonna do, Jax?
Jax: I'm going to find out if our rat's wearing a reaper.
Gemma: Come on.
Harrison: Mrs. Morrow.
Gemma: It's Teller.
Harrison: I'm sorry. Could I speak with you for a moment? Um, alone.
Wendy: We'll be in the car.
Gemma: All right.
Wendy: Come on, buddy. Did you speak to the head of school?
Gemma: Mm. Yeah. And your shrink. They think the kid needs evaluating. Was that your call?
Harrison: I just report what I observe.
Gemma: Some bully got in his face and he stood up for himself.
Harrison: Abel h*t the kid with a metal lunchbox. It put a gash in his head. It was unprovoked.
Gemma: Nothing is unprovoked, sweetheart.
Harrison: Look, Abel's a good kid. We all know that. But clearly losing his mom has affected him deeply.
Gemma: I don't need a shrink to tell me that. Mrs. Teller, we all want Abel to succeed here.
Gemma: You know what I want? I want teachers and shrinks and pompous assholes to stop judging my grandson. That's the sort of aggression he learns to imitate.
Gemma: Good. Next time I'll make sure you're the one he slams with a lunchbox.
(Urinating) (Rat boy sighs) (Phone beeps, closes phone)
Chibs: That was Tully's guy. Just heard from county. Juice put shit in motion.
Jax: All right, let's go.
(Chibs whistles) Chibs: Wake up.
(Engines starting)
Juice: My hearing is tomorrow. I'll land in Stockton on the parole violation. I need you to put me in AD seg.
Althea: Why?
Juice: I need protection.
Unser: From who?
Juice: It's a long list.
Unser: Why'd you go all cowboy on the CHP yesterday?
Juice: I don't like cops. Give me the deal in writing before the hearing, and I'll tell you who k*lled Tara Knowles and Eli Roosevelt.
Althea: We already know it was the Chinese.
Juice: What you know don't mean shit. It's what you can prove.
Unser: And you can give us proof?
Juice: Names and the m*rder w*apon.
Althea: Well, you're going to have to give us some of that proof to take to the D.A. otherwise we're just wasting our time here.
Juice: Chris Dun. One of Lin's guys. There were two of them that did the m*rder. I'll give you the other name and the location of the w*apon once I have my deal. I'm going to need a few days to put...
Juice: You have until tomorrow morning.
Althea: What the hell was that about? He gives up names for isolation? No plea, no reduced sentence?
Unser: This is the MC. Juice betrayed the club. He was a d*ad man. Jax let him live because he needs him in AD seg. Henry Lin is in Stockton. They have him in segregation?
Althea: I'm sure they do, yeah.
Unser: That's what they're using Juice for. To get to Lin. Pay for his sins. He kills the chink, buys his way back into Samcro.
Althea: I'll see if I can pull a sheet on dun. If we can get Gemma to ID him as one of the guys she saw leaving the house, I have to make the deal, Wayne.
(Unser grunts) Put Juice in AD seg. I can give the DOC a heads up, but we have to put charming first. Do you think he really knows who k*lled Tara and Eli?
Unser: Yeah. I do.
Althea: I'll reach out to Patterson. You coming?
Unser: Oh, yeah.
(Althea knocks on door)
(Wendy sighs)
Gemma: Uh, I'm going to go change and get back to the cabin I can have Quinn take me up there if you want to stay here.
Nero: No, I'll take you.
Gemma: Thank you.
Wendy: I'm going to go check on Thomas. You hungry, baby?
Abel: Can I have some milk?
Nero: I got it.
Wendy: Yeah?
Gemma: Oh, shit.
(Muffled shriek)
Wendy: Gemma.
Gemma: Thomas.
Wendy: Gemma.
Nero: What's going on? You guys okay? Jesus Christ.
Gemma: Where the hell's the baby?
Wendy: I don't know.
Abel: What's the matter?
Nero: Uh, nothing, buddy. Why don't you just go into the kitchen.
Abel: I want to go in my room. No, no, no, not now, Abel, not now.
Brooke: Hey, you guys here? Gem? Wendy? What...
Gemma (Sighs): Oh.
Brooke: What's-what's going on?
Wendy: Okay, okay, come on. Come on, let's go. Come on.
Nero: Hey.
Gemma: Oh. They k*lled my birds. (Sobs)
Althea: Patterson's gonna put Juice in AD seg for 48 hours. When Gemma corroborates, she'll make a deal. Give him protection for the length of his sentence.
Unser: You give the DOC a heads up?
Althea: Patterson will.
Unser: Mm, yeah. Okay.
Althea: This could close out the m*rder you joined up to solve, Wayne.
Unser: I know. Something don't fit. Gemma and Juice. There's a piece missing.
Althea: Maybe you're too close.
Unser: Maybe.
Althea: I hope you stay on here after we shut the book on this. I like having you on my team. You're a good cop.
Unser: (Chuckles) Thanks. It's not like I got a lot of hobbies. Other than, uh, wai... waiting to die. Listen, I'm, uh... I'm gonna go check on Eglee. See if there's anything she needs.
Jury: Jax.
Chibs: Gaines. Long time, brother.
Gaines: Chibs, how you doing? All right, good to see you.
Chibs: Good to see you, too. Jury, how are you, brother?
(Tig laughs)
Jury: Any word on Bobby?
Jax: Not yet.
Jury: Diosa, West and now Bobby. Shit's coming apart in Charming.
Jax: I've had some setbacks.
Jury: What's so urgent with the triads?
Jax: This isn't about the triads. Someone gave us up to Lin. Gave up the location of our Chinese g*n. That's why West was k*lled. Our girls slaughtered.
Jury: Someone?
Jax: You were the only other one who knew the location of that warehouse.
Jury: You better have all your facts before you throw that kind of accusation at me.
Jax: I know Gib O'Leary was your son. You should've come to us.
Jury: I didn't know you were gonna k*ll two innocent men. That g*n you used? The same one I used during the Chinese firefight.
Jax: Mm-hmm.
Jury: I didn't raise Gib. I only saw him twice in 20 years. He looked me up when he got back from Iraq. We were just getting to know each other. None of my guys knew he was my son. And I didn't say anything about finding him d*ad.
Jax: You should've told me. Ratting us out to the Chinese... It only made things worse.
Jury: I wanted you d*ad, Jackson. But I'm no rat. I didn't tell Lin shit.
Jax: I don't believe that.
Jury: So what now? You gonna g*n me down without a mayhem vote? Is that who you are now?
Jax: don't try to put this on me, Jury. You're the one who betrayed the patch. Wait.
Jury: You had the chance to be something good for this club. Something your old man always wanted. But you turned into everything he hated. You became the poison. The reason he checked out.
Jax: Checked out of what?
Jury: I was the only one JT trusted at the end.
Jax: You weren't even a member of the club back then.
Jury: That's why. I knew the life, but I didn't wear his patch. I was just a friend. A safe ear.
Jax: So what did he tell you?
Jury: John couldn't live with what the club had become. But he also couldn't bring himself to take it down.
Jax: Take it down how?
Jury: He wrote some kind of book. I never read it. But whatever was in it, if it would have gotten out... would've destroyed the sons and tore apart his family. What do you think happened to your old man that day? Out on 580?
Jax: Clay sabotaged his bike.
Jury: Yeah, we heard those rumors. But there was one thing that didn't hook up for me. That panhead was an extension of John... he would've known if anything was wrong with it the second he kicked it over.
Jax: Meaning what? You think my old man ran into that semi on purpose?
Jury: I don't know. Maybe it was his sacrifice. A way of letting his club and family survive.
Jax: My old man didn't k*ll himself.
Jury: It doesn't matter. As long as he ain't here to see what samcro did to you.
Gaines: Hey, whoa, hey, hey.
Chibs: Jackie!
Gaines: What the hell did you do?!
Jax: Jury admitted he was the one who ratted us to the Chinese. I h*t him, he went for his g*n.
Gaines: Jesus Christ. The Chinese? What are you talking about?!
(Phone rings) Jax: Fill him in.
Gaines: Fill me in? You just k*lled my president. You can't walk away from this!
Chibs: Hey, hey, hey. Easy, easy, easy. There's history here, understand?
Tig: Jax, it's Quinn. Something happened at Gemma's.
Gaines: This shit is gonna vibrate throughout the whole organization! Your boy's out of control! And he's going down.
Chibs: Hey, hey! My boy ain't going anywhere. You understand? Do you understand?
Jax: Chibs. Chibs! We got to go... now.
Tig: Come on.
Jax: Now!
(Engines start) (Motorcycles departing)
Gemma: What you making there, sweetheart? You want to tell grandma what happened today? Why'd you h*t that kid?
Abel: I don't like him.
Gemma: Did he h*t you? Tease you?
Abel: I don't know. You know you hurt him real bad, Abel. Did you know that?
Abel: It was a accident.
(Motorcycles approaching)
(Engines stop) Do you understand what an accident is?
Abel: Do you?
(Footsteps approaching)
Jax: Hey, buddy. I heard you had a rough day. I'll be back in a minute, all right? Stay with grandma. Jesus Christ.
Nero: They had to get in when, uh, we went to get Abel. Quinn was out with Brooke. I guess they must have been watching the house.
Jax: Yeah. Could you give me a minute with my guys?
Nero: Yeah, okay. I'm staying here tonight. Can have a few of my guys, uh, sit out front if you need Quinn.
Jax: Thanks.
Tig: What do we do about Bobby?
Chibs: We're running out of time, Jackie.
Jax: Yeah, I know. All right, call Tyler. Have him set up a meet with Moses. I'll give him the body and the statement. But I am not handing over the mother and kid for August to k*ll.
Chibs: Aye. Let's go, guys. Come on.
(Door shuts)
Moses: Still haven't heard a word from your crew. You sure there's nothing you want to tell us?
Bobby: Yeah.
(Sighs) Suck my big white dick.
Moses: Good for you. You got balls. Most guys would've caved by now.
Soldier: We got a call.
Moses: Teller finally reached out. Unfortunately... He made the mistake of thinking the terms were negotiable.
(Grunting)
(Bobby grunting)
(Shouting)
Chibs: Tyler got a hold of Moses. Gave him your offer. Hasn't got back to him yet. Maybe he's got to track down Marks himself. Anything you need to tell me about what went down with Jury?
Jax: Nothing you don't know.
Chibs: We have to be careful with this, brother. This Redwood w*r... it's making some of the other charters a wee bit nervous. Beginning to impact our relationships with some of our friends in the northwest.
Jax: This morning you told me I needed to stay on point. That's what I did. Jury is part of this now, too.
Chibs: I know. But the way it went down, Jackie... there's gonna be questions... about the rights and the wrongs of the whole thing.
Jax: It was self-defense.
Chibs: Aye. But to Indian Hills... it looked more like m*rder.
Jax: What did it look like to you?
Chibs: It looked like a very complicated situation. I'm just saying we should get ready for the heat that this may bring.
Jax: I'm ready.
(Chibs grunts)
Chibs: Aye?
Jax: Yeah.
(Click) I offered it to Jax but I don't think the MC could cover it. So I found another buyer. So, yeah, I'm selling my piece of Diosa.
Wendy: Wow. That's great.
Nero: Yeah. My Uncle said I can move down there whenever I want. Don't even have to wait for the escrow to clear.
Wendy: So when are you going?
Nero: As soon as I can clean up things in Stockton. I got to figure out some things for Lucius. Like... how to get him some help down there.
Wendy: Well, I can make some calls. I know a lot of ot people.
Nero: Yeah?
Wendy: Yeah.
Nero: That'd be great.
Wendy: Does Gemma know?
Nero: Yeah. I could use some help with that, too. Listen, I want... I want her, you and the boys to come down there. There's plenty of room. Lucius would love to have other kids around him.
Wendy: God, Jax and Gemma will never let Abel and Thomas leave.
Nero: After today, how could they let 'em stay?
(Door opens)
Tig: From Moses. | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "07x08 - The Separation of Crows"} | foreverdreaming |
Gemma: Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
(tires screeching)
(Bobby grunting)
Jax: What do we know about Moses Cartwright?
Tyler: Ex-military, special ops. Blackwater graduate.
Tig: That's a serious résumé.
Jax: What does August want?
Tyler: The d*ad pastor and his family.
Moses: Maybe you accidentally put your cigarette out on the right location. We get what we want, and we can all go home and sleep in our own beds.
Bobby: You took my eye out. I didn't tell you anything.
Moses: Give me the location of the pastor.
Bobby: Suck my big white dick.
Tig: CHP's got Juice.
Jax: Tully'll set him up to finally k*ll Lin.
Happy: And if he chokes? And we become his leverage?
Jax: Then Tully'll k*ll Juice.
Juice: Need you to put me in Ad Seg.
Althea: Why?
Juice: I'll tell you who k*lled Tara Knowles and Eli Roosevelt.
Unser: And you could give us proof?
Juice: Chris Dun. I'll give you the other name and the location of the w*apon once I have my deal.
Althea: I'll see if I can pull a sheet on Dun. If we can get Gemma to ID him as one of the guys she saw leaving the house, I have to make the deal, Wayne.
Unser: Yeah.
Coletti: This kid O'Leary... Nothing on his friends. Mom's off the grid. Her husband, he's got a compound. No street address.
Jax: Let's take a ride. You Gib's mom?
Renee: Yeah.
Jax: What the hell is all this?
Renee: His dad is a member of your club. Jury White.
Jax: Call Jury. Time to find out if our rat's wearing a reaper. I know Gib O'Leary was your son. You should've told me. Ratting us out to the Chinese, it only made things worse.
Jury: I wanted you d*ad, Jax. But I'm no rat.
Jax: I don't believe that.
Jury: Gonna g*n me down without a mayhem vote? Is that who you are?
Jax: You're the one who betrayed the patch.
Chibs: Jackie!
Gaines: What the hell did you do?! You just k*lled my president! You can't walk away from this!
Chibs: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Moses: Teller finally reached out. Unfortunately, he made the mistake of thinking the terms were negotiable.
(grunting) (Bobby screaming)
(soft knock at door) (door opens)
Wendy (quietly): Hey. Sorry.
Jax (quietly): It's okay... I didn't sleep much.
Wendy: Me neither.
(door closes)
Nero: You sleep at all, mama?
Gemma: Yeah. Little bit.
Nero: You want me to take that out of here?
Gemma: No. It's where it belongs.
(breathing raggedly)
Quinn: Thanks.
Jax: You not hungry, buddy?
Abel: No.
Jax: Want some toast? Something else?
Abel: No.
Gemma: No, thank you.
Abel: No, thank you.
Jax: Why don't you all head up to the cabin? Bring the boys.
Wendy: Well, what about school?
Jax: Not today.
Wendy: Abel's struggling, Jax. That thing with the lunchbox...
Gemma: He'll be fine.
Wendy: It's just that the more time he misses, the more he falls behind. And I think that's adding to his frustration.
Jax: He's five years old. He shouldn't be frustrated. I want him with me today.
Wendy: Okay.
Chibs: Hey. Tyler's going to meet us at the cabin.
Jax: Good.
Gemma: Any word on Bobby?
Jax: Nothing new. I'll see you up there.
Nero: Yeah, I'll get 'em there.
Jax: Gonna need you with us today. Rat's gonna stay here.
Quinn: All right, man.
Jax: See you later, all right?
(door closes)
Wendy: Hey, buddy. So we're not gonna go to school today.
Abel: Why?
Wendy: Daddy wants us up at the cabin with him.
Abel: Someone else die?
Gemma: No, baby. Your daddy just misses you. Wants you to be with him.
Wendy: I hate this.
Gemma: Well, you signed up for it, sweetheart. You want to help his son... you got to do it his way.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye. ♪
Jax: It's all gonna come together. I just need the phone we got from the pimp.
Grant: Why? You... you said August wasn't going to be a problem once you had my mother's statement.
Jax: We're not dealing with a guy who follows a rule book here. Things change. We're just adapting.
Grant: If you give him those videos, he'll embarrass my family and that could destroy our congregation.
Chibs: We're not gonna give it to him.
Jax: I just need to show him the video. Make him think he's getting the leverage.
Grant: What happened? Why do you need more leverage?
Jax: You don't need to know.
Grant: I need you to tell me the truth.
Jax: Marks grabbed one of my guys.
Grant: Oh, my God...
Jax: It's just a setback. You need to trust me.
Grant: Please stop saying that. All right? Every time you do, something else bad happens.
Montez: Tyler's here.
Jax: Give me a minute. There's no plan "B," here. Get me the phone.
Grant: It's in the SUV.
Jax: Montez...
Tyler: You guys have gone full redneck.
Tig: We used to have a couple of black heads on the wall, but we took 'em down, you know? Out of respect.
Tyler: I appreciate that. Hear you got another package from Marks and his black ops.
Chibs: Yep. And it's gonna be the last one.
Jax: I need you to set up a meet with August. Him or Moses, doesn't matter. I'll give him the pastor's body and leverage that will prove that the mom and son can't touch him.
Tyler: Hell, we've tried that already.
Jax: I got video footage of the pastor's deviant kink habit. Him, in full sl*ve mode, taking it up the ass by underage boys.
Tyler: Oh, nice...
Happy: What the hell?
Montez: Bitch h*t me in the head with a tire iron. Took off.
Jax: Shit. You set that meet.
(car revving away)
Happy: Pull over!
(tires squeal)
Jax: Pull over right now!
Chibs: Jackie!
(g*n)
Tig: Next one's in your head! Pull over! Get out. Get out! Get out! Get out of the car. Get out of the car.
Chibs: You stupid little shit!
Jax: What the hell was that about?
Grant: Look, I can't sit back and just let you get us k*lled!
Chibs: So what, you run away?
Grant: Look, I was gonna find Marks. And offer him me instead of my mother.
Jax: You have no idea what is going on here. Who Marks is. He'd break you, find out where your mother is, and put a b*llet in your head!
Grant: I do not care. I have to end this!
Jax: That's what we're gonna do! I get it. You don't trust me. Hey, look... The shit that's gone down, I don't blame you. But you going cowboy is gonna make things worse. Get all of us k*lled.
(motorcycle approaches)
Chibs: Hey. And that includes your mother. You understand that?
Happy: Now, boss. Next time, I'll put a b*llet in your face.
Jax: All right, bro. Get him back to the cabin. Have Montez lock him down. Chibs... find that phone. You okay?
Happy: Yeah.
Chibs: Got it.
Unser: Hey.
Rat Boy: Hey.
Unser: You, uh, headed out?
Gemma: Nothing gets past you, Chief.
Unser: I need to talk to you. Privately. About Juice. Juice gave up a name, Chris Dun. One of the Chinese that k*lled Tara and Eli.
Gemma: Why would he do that?
Unser: He's making a deal. Trying to get protection in Stockton.
Gemma: Does Jax know?
Unser: Your boy's calling all the sh*ts. Getting Juice next to Henry Lin. Gonna finish the payback.
Gemma: What's that got to do with me?
Unser: Jarry's gonna come to you to corroborate his name. Have you ID Chris Dun's mug sh*ts.
Gemma: I looked through all those mug sh*t books. I didn't recognize anyone.
Unser: Trust me. The last thing I want is Juice doing the club's bloody work. I'm just here giving you a heads up. The DA's gonna press you for cooperation.
Gemma: Did you hear all that?
Rat Boy: I did.
Gemma: Sneaky Pete. You gonna say something or just stare at my tits?
Rat Boy: Jax is gonna need you to identify Dun.
Gemma: So, Unser's right. You guys are setting up Juice to k*ll...
Rat Boy: You don't need to...
Brooke: Hey, we ready to... ?
Rat Boy: Get out!
Brooke: I was just asking...
Rat Boy: Go back to the kid's room. I'll tell you when to come out.
Gemma: Go ahead, sweetheart.
Rat Boy: You don't need details about Juice. Just know it's to help the club. Go to the sheriff. ID the Chinese guy from the party.
Gemma: Yeah. Okay. Don't buy into the myth. That to wear the patch you got to treat women like shit. 'Cause when it comes to finding a good old lady, you don't get what you want, Rat. You get what you are. Don't be a dick.
Nero: We okay here?
Gemma: Yeah. I need a ride into town. Gonna pay a visit to our Scot-sucking sheriff.
Guard: Out of nines. Check storage. From Tully. For the h*t on the chink.
Juice: When's it going down?
Guard: Soon. He'll let you know. You might want to hide that before my black friend gets back. You ain't got any pockets. (chuckles)
(Juice grunting)
Gemma: I looked through these the last time. I don't recognize anyone.
Althea: I know. Most of them are in jail or d*ad. Wouldn't know anything about that, would you?
Gemma: I run a garage. I'm not privy to the rise and fall of Asian thugs.
Althea: What about this thug? Recognize him?
Gemma: Yes. I saw him leaving Jax and Tara's house that night.
Althea: You sure?
Gemma: Yes. We done?
Althea: Did you ever share what you saw with one Carlos Ortiz?
Gemma: No. Why?
Althea: He claims to know an awful lot about the m*rder of Dr. Knowles and Eli Roosevelt.
Gemma: What does that got to do with me?
Althea: I don't know. I was hoping you could shed some light. He identified Dun, also. Used the information to make a deal. I'm just... trying to connect the dots here.
Gemma: Well, I guess you and your dots will have to ask Juice.
Althea: This is your daughter-in-law's m*rder I'm trying to solve here. The mother of your grandkids.
Gemma: Save the righteous cop bullshit for someone dumb enough to buy it. I know you're on the take.
Althea: What did you say?
Gemma: Seriously? You're gonna break out the Dirty Harriet routine? You can't play both sides, sweetheart. You're on the club's dime and Chibs' dick.
(clamoring nearby)
Carreira: Lieutenant!
Althea: It's okay. I'm fine. Wait outside. Now, Sheriff!
Carreira: Yes, ma'am.
(door closes)
Althea: Let me make myself clear, Mrs. Teller. I am not on your son's team. I am playing by the corrupt rules of your dysfunctional little town.
Gemma: So, if I call the DA right now, she's gonna know all about your MC petty cash fund?
Althea: I serve and protect my quadrant my way. That's all she has to know.
Gemma: All right, Althea. Far be it from me to burst anyone's happy little bubble.
(door opens) I'll keep on telling myself that I'm a model citizen and you keep on pretending that that badge ain't tarnished.
Althea: You lay your hands on me again, I will throw your white-trash ass in jail.
Gemma: Well, I guess you'll have to. 'Cause if you ever slap me again... I'll sh**t you in the throat.
(door closes)
Nero: Glad that went well.
Gemma: Yeah. I'm a helper.
Chibs: Guess we've earned an audience with the new Pope.
Jax: It's good you showed up. This should be between you and me. Not your ghosts.
August: Things have turned so quickly, Jackson. Deeply disappointed.
Jax: I can see that.
August: We had everything to gain.
Jax: Not me. I'd already lost too much.
August: Broke the first rule of business. Letting personal feelings poison your choices.
Jax: That's what happens when your wife gets brutally m*rder in your own home.
August: You should've come to me about Lin.
Jax: You know I couldn't do that. You would've told me to wait. And then watched me like a hawk. I had no choice.
August: You didn't want another choice.
Jax: You don't have family, August. You can never understand. I'm sorry you feel betrayed. This had to happen.
August: Look where we are, Jax. Is this what you wanted? Piles of bodies. Relationships destroyed. And the guy you were going after is still alive.
Jax: I'm not done yet.
August: Yeah, it's clear. 'Cause now you're blackmailing me. Using innocent people to frame me for a m*rder I didn't commit.
Jax: I don't think you're allowed to claim them as innocents. You thr*at them, you exploit their church and now you're trying to destroy everything they love.
August: You k*ll the pastor?
Jax: We found him in the projects when we were tracking down that East Dub OG that offed the Bastards. I'm guessing one of his freak-show friends got to him. He was cut up pretty bad.
Moses: Excuse me, sir. We should move this along.
August: Where's this leverage you promised?
(heavy panting)
Jax: I'll give you this and the pastor's body. You don't need the wife and son.
August: Where are they?
Jax: The kid's M.I.A. Mom's in detox. Private facility. You don't need them.
August: Why are you protecting them?
Jax: I made a promise.
August: I believe that. However, I also know you've been in touch with the son. You need to bring him when you deliver the body.
Jax: I can't let you...
August: I'm not gonna k*ll him. I just need to make sure he understands the severity of the situation. The importance of silence. This is as far as I bend, Jackson. You want Bobby alive? Deliver the kid, that phone and the pastor. Here. 4:00 p.m.
Quinn: Brother, the pastor wasn't cut up at all when we buried him.
Jax: He will be. You know, I thought about becoming a preacher.
Happy: It's the other black one. How much we gonna take?
Tig: We just need his torso and his legs.
Happy: I want to do it.
Tig: You know why I like teaming up with you, Hap? 'Cause when we do, I'm the normal one.
Happy: Whatever.
(Tig laughs)
Chibs: Oh, geez, that's ripe. (Coughing) Oh, that's ripe. Oh, Jesus! (grunts, coughs)
Jax: You okay?
Chibs: Oh, no. All this shit triggers my Catholic superstitions.
Jax: Trust me. This guy's got a ghost that's looking for a bus full of d*ad schoolboys.
Quinn: You want me to finish, pres?
Jax: No, we got it. (sighs) I call heads.
(Chibs chuckles)
Tig: Perfect.
Chibs: Oh, Jesus.
Jax: How long?
Tig: Half hour. One more arm to attach.
Happy: What do we carry him in, boss?
Jax: Get a sleeping bag out of the closet.
Quinn: Indian Hills is here, brother.
(beeping)
Jax: Did you know they were coming?
Chibs: Nope.
Jax: Chapel. Just you and me. Complicated day. This shit with Bobby. You should've given us the heads up you were coming down.
Gaines: We're in Cali for a while. This was our first stop.
Mickey: You knew this had to happen.
Jax: I know you have questions. You also don't have all the intel. The reason that Jury ratted us out.
Gaines: We don't think he was a rat.
Chibs: Oh, you will.
Jax: Jury had a kid. Gib O'Leary. He helped us with that Triad takedown in Selma. Jury found him d*ad. Had to be the Chinese. He blamed us.
Gaines: We don't know about any kid.
Jax: He hadn't seen him in 20 years. I guess they just reconnected.
Chibs: The boy's mother, Jury's ex, got a place out in Lockeford about an hour from here. Go see her. She'll confirm this.
Mickey: Still don't prove he was a rat.
Chibs: Mickey, he was the only one outside this charter that knew that we were housing the stolen Chinese g*n.
Jax: He copped to it while we were arguing. That's why he pulled on me.
Gaines: What I saw, you decked him. He went for his nine in self-defense, and you sh*t him in the face.
Jax: Well, what you saw and I know are two different things.
Gaines: We need a forum on this. We're heading down to Berdoo. Packer's gonna lead it. Keep it impartial. We got Hench, Monroe and Lee coming down from up north. This is bigger than just Redwood and Indian Hills, Jax.
Mickey: Consider this your heads up.
Gaines: We'll let you know what comes out of the meeting. What has to be done.
Chibs: I had no idea about this, Jackie. (Sighs)
Jax: Last thing this charter needs.
Chibs: We got to prove Jury spoke to Lin.
Jax: Juice is the only one that can do that, and a rat vetting out a rat ain't gonna hold much weight.
Chibs: Tully gets a phone to the rat bastard. We record it.
Jax: All right. Good. Reach out to white, put it in motion.
Chibs: Aye.
Tig: Preacher's ready.
Happy: That about Jury?
Jax: Yeah. Is the phone prepped?
Happy: Yeah. Kid went through it. Nuked all of the preacher. Left the boys on it, in case Marks wants to check it.
Jax: Good. Is he ready?
Tig: Yeah, he'll be okay.
Jax: Let's go get Bobby.
Tig: All right.
Moses: Good news, Bobby.
Bobby: Mm-hmm?
Moses: Your crew has come around and made a deal with Mr. Marks. Not curious about what they gave up for you?
Bobby: Whatever it is, it'll just be leading back to one of us slitting your throat.
Moses: You hold on to that good thought. Let's go.
(groaning)
Moses: Oh. (groans) Sorry about this last piece of business. Break his jaw. (groans, chokes) Again.
Bobby: What's wrong, bitch? Afraid these guys will find out you don't know how to throw a punch and out you as the p*ssy you are?
Moses: Hold on. I like you, Munson. You're a good soldier. Stay hard. Loyal to the very end. That's a very rare quality.
(shouts)
(car door closes)
Nero: You gonna be okay if I split for a while?
Gemma: Yeah, Unser's here. I just got to help Chucky catch up a bit. Where you heading?
Nero: Stockton. Gonna see my lawyer, have him draw up a contract so I can sell my piece of Diosa.
(Gemma sighs)
Gemma: Did you tell Jax?
Nero: I tried a couple of times. It's no worry, though. I mean, he and Alvarez, all good.
Gemma: Yeah, well, you're gonna have to tell him.
Nero: And I will.
Gemma: Are you really gonna do this?
Nero: Yeah. I'm... I'm headed down to Norco tomorrow. I'm gonna close the deal with my Uncle Benny. This is real, Gem. You thought about it any more?
Gemma: You're the only solid thing in my life right now, baby. But everything else is...
Nero: I know, mama. I ain't going anywhere.
Gemma: Yeah, you are. Going to Norco.
Nero: You know what I mean.
Gemma: Ah, shit.
Nero: No more cop wrestling. Okay?
Gemma: No promises.
Nero: I'll pick you up in a couple of hours, head back up to the cabin.
Gemma: Yeah, unless I'm booked on a 240.
Nero: Keep her out of trouble, hmm?
Chuck: That's a very tall order, amigo.
Nero: Yeah, but do your best, Amigo.
Chuck: Lo acepto.
(tools whirring)
Althea: This is cozy.
Unser: It's an outhouse with a bed.
(chuckles) I get you anything? Uh, got some beer and... well, that's about it.
Althea: I'm good. (Clears throat)
Unser: Eglee called.
(groans) Said you, uh, took her statement this morning.
Althea: Yeah, she didn't remember much. Said it was five or six white guys, maybe Neo-n*zi ink. She and Cane rolled up for a routine check. Scumbags started sh**ting. Checking AB affiliates, see who's been active.
Unser: Yeah. Uh, she's been through a lot, you know? I wouldn't press her for more.
Althea: I got another statement today. Our aggressive matriarch. Did some follow-ups on Dun after Gemma left. Pulled this from Vegas PD.
(clears throat)
Unser: Chris Dun. Drunk and disorderly.
Althea: They didn't file charges. They let him dry out, released him. That's why it's not on his rap sheet.
Unser: Okay.
Althea: Check the date.
Unser: Oh. That's the night Tara was m*rder.
Althea: The guy two people ID'd as the k*ller was in another state when the crime happened?
Unser: Jesus Christ.
Althea: I'm tired of this, Wayne. What the hell is going on?
Unser: I don't know. You should call the D.A. Pull Juice's deal. Get him out of Ad Seg. Put him in general pop or solitary, anyplace else. I mean, the least we could do is stop someone else from getting k*lled.
Althea: All right. What about Gemma?
Unser: Oh, she'll just say she made a mistake. All Chinese look alike. But, hey, don't let them know we're on to the lie. Let's see where this leads us.
Althea: All right.
Jax: How about just you and me? No w*apon. No army.
August: Fair enough. Just the things we're trading. Everybody else drives away.
(engine starts)
Chibs: I don't like this, Jackie.
Jax: Just make sure he's not packing. You okay?
Grant: Yeah.
Jax: Jesus.
(sighs)
Moses: Clean.
Chibs: Him.
Moses: He's clean.
Chibs: We're up. Let's go!
(motorcycle engines revving)
(boy panting, gasping)
August: Okay.
(Bobby grunting) Let's go. Easy, easy, easy, easy. Hey... you're almost home.
Bobby (muffled): He's got a... he's got a g*n.
Jax: You're a lying piece of shit.
August: If you or your mother ever get the idea to betray me, this is what happens.
Jax: No! No! Oh, God...
August: This is on you, Jackson. Your betrayal. Don't ever lie to me again. Come get the preacher.
(Jax sniffles)
(Jax crying)
Jax: I'm sorry.
(van creaks)
Jax: Get Loutreesha's statement. Take Quinn. Deliver it to Patterson's office. Anonymously.
(Chibs sniffling)
Chibs (choked up): Maybe we should, uh... give this one to Jarry. You know? (Sniffles) Give her... give her a win. Keep her close... (sniffles)
Jax: Yeah. Not too close, brother.
Chibs: Aye. (Chibs sniffles)
Loutreesha: Thank you.
Abel: Wendy, I can't get the TV to work.
Wendy: Oh... Okay, buddy. All right. Let's see what's going on. Come on. Let's go see.
Rat Boy: Okay, I will. Gemma's on her way up, wanted to know if the boys need anything.
Brooke: I think we're okay.
Rat Boy: I know you're pissed. Should I just leave you alone? Or...
Brooke: I'm... crazy, Rat. You know that, right? Mood shit, bipolar... Meds keep most of it in check. But it's hard enough waking up some days not quite knowing who I am. I can't be with someone who's completely different every time I'm with him.
Rat Boy: I'm not different. I'm just... You're the first one I've been with since I've had the patch. I'm just trying to figure out how to do both.
Brooke: Both of what?
Rat Boy: Be SAMCRO and... be in love with someone. I'm afraid I'm gonna mess up both.
Brooke: Do you love me?
Rat Boy: I just said it, didn't I?
Brooke: Well, sort of.
Rat Boy: I'm not a dick.
Brooke: I know. I love you, too.
(engine rumbling)
(indistinct conversations)
Inmate: Tully wants you to read this.
(metal clinks)
Jax: Take the boys to their room.
Montez: Let's go...
Gemma: What's going on?
Jax: Bobby's d*ad.
(Wendy sniffles)
Gemma: Oh, God, that...
Jax: It was August Marks. Retaliation for us going after the Chinese.
Nero: Hey...
Wendy: Does it ever end, Jax?
Jax: It already has. Bobby's in the van outside. As soon as it gets dark, you and Montez dig him a grave out back. Bobby always loved this place. I want to keep him close.
Rat Boy: Of course, brother.
(birds singing)
Loutreesha: Grant told me what happened. I'm sorry.
Jax: It's me that should be sorry. You're right. I keep making mistakes. Putting the two of you at risk.
Loutreesha: I know you were only trying to help. I can sense that you are a decent man.
Jax: I don't think that's true.
Grant: What happens now?
Jax: The only way we can stop Marks is by having him arrested.
Grant: But you gave him the body.
Jax: Most of the preacher is still on the construction site. I'm giving the DA your statement. Saying you got an anonymous tip. Maybe from one of your g*ng-affiliated parishioners. It'll lead the cops to the body. They'll have motive and your statement.
Grant: But you said having him arrested will just make it worse.
Jax: This is a Band-Aid until I can fix it permanently.
Grant: So, that means my mom will have to testify.
Jax: She just has to back up her statement for now. I'm gonna bring you home tomorrow. You should find a good lawyer. I'll keep a couple of my guys with you. Look, I know this has been brutal. But I kept my word. You're both alive and safe. I'm not gonna break that promise.
Chibs: Thanks for coming so quick.
Althea: Yeah, it sounded urgent.
Chibs: Aye. We were gonna have this delivered to Patterson. But I thought it would help you. August Marks, heir to Damon Pope. He k*lled a pastor, a Jonathan Haddem, in Piedmont Grace, just outside Oakland. He was thr*at him and his family. Using his church as a housing scheme.
Althea: This is from the wife?
Chibs: Yeah.
Althea: How'd she know Marks k*lled her husband?
Chibs: He chopped off his head, buried the rest of his body on one of his construction sites. The wife got an anonymous tip from one of her congregation.
Althea: "Anonymous"?
Chibs: Yeah. I'd move on Marks now. He gets wind of this, he's gone.
Althea: So, I'm supposed to tell Patterson that a woman I never met, way outside my quadrant, just happened to reach out to me to make the arrest.
Chibs: If it's gonna cause you a problem, I'll get someone else to deliver it.
Althea: I thought you were in bed with black?
Chibs: We're not in bed with anyone.
Althea: Don't do that. Treat me like I'm an idiot.
Chibs: Listen to me, love. With Marks and Lin put away, black and yellow are finished. And we're all good with brown. This... evens the balance. Keeps things quiet. No more bloodshed.
(quiet laugh)
Althea: Tell me about Chris Dun. Juice and Gemma ID'd him as the guy they saw leaving Jax's house the night of Tara's m*rder. He's been M.I.A. for weeks.
Chibs: That's probably why. 'Cause Lin knew he was sloppy. Got him out of the country. When did Gemma ID him?
Althea: Right after she told me to stop being so righteous. Because she knew I was on the take... and on your dick.
Chibs: Shit. Sorry. If you think us hooking up is a mistake, then... we can stop.
Althea: Do you think it's a mistake?
Chibs: I don't know.
Althea: It's a yes or no answer. If it's no... take me. Right here.
Chibs: What?
Althea: You heard me.
Chibs: Uh... Quinn...
Althea: I don't give a shit. If you have feelings for me, show me... right now. If you don't... just walk away and we'll go back to playing cops and robbers. That's what I thought.
(passionate moaning)
(starts engine)
(indistinct radio transmission)
(footsteps approaching)
Guard: Let's go.
Juice: Where to? Solitary? I thought Lin was...
Guard: Shut up. It wasn't our call.
Juice: What is this?
Guard: I'll let Tully know.
Juice: Where's Lin? What the hell's going... ?! Hey! Hey!
(grunts)
Gemma: Give me some time with him.
Tig: Sure, sweetheart. Come on.
Wendy: Hey! Hey, guys! You're tracking all this mud in.
Rat Boy: Shit. Sorry.
Wendy: Come on, guys. Let's go outside.
Brooke: Come on, come on. We'll dust off outside.
(Gemma crying)
Gemma: I'm so sorry, Bobby. I had no idea. I couldn't see all this. Please... Oh, please forgive me. Please.
(Gemma crying)
(motorcycle engines start)
(siren chirps) | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "07x09 - What A Piece Of Work Is Man"} | foreverdreaming |
Happy: Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
Jax: Leland.
Leland: You bring another police escort?
Jax: We had nothing to do with the sheriffs. You g*n them down, so now they're everyone's problem.
Scoot: We hear the bitch lived.
Chibs: But she's not talking.
Gemma: k*lling your mommy was an accident. It was such an awful accident.
Harrison: Abel h*t the kid with a metal lunchbox and put a gash in his head. It was unprovoked.
Gemma: Why'd you h*t that kid?
Abel: It was an accident.
Gemma: Do you understand what an accident is?
Abel: Do you?
Nero: So, I was talking to my uncle. He'll give me his farm if I can come up with 150 cash as a down. It's us having a place that we can run to. I want you with me. We deserve something better, Gemma.
Gemma: Do we?
Jax: It's all gonna come together. I just need to show him the video. Make him think he's getting the leverage.
Grant: What happened? Why do you need more leverage?
Jax: Marks grabbed one of my guys.
( Bobby yelling )
Tyler: For every 24 hours August has to wait, he's gonna cut off another part of your guy. I mean, I'm with you, but I don't know how much longer I'm gonna be able to keep playing double agent.
Jax: Jesus.
August: If you or your mother ever get the idea to betray me, this is what happens.
Jax: No! No!
Grant: What happens now?
Jax: You should find a good lawyer. I'll keep a couple of my guys with you. I'm giving the DA your statement. I'll lead the cops to the pastor's body.
( Motorcycle engines humming )
♪ ♪
( Passionate moaning )
( Bed creaking )
Venus: Oh, my God!
( Passionate moaning )
( Panting )
( Headboard tapping )
( Panting )
( Passionate moaning )
( Vibrator buzzing )
( Grunting )
( Winsome moaning )
( Jax crying )
Winsome: Did I do something wrong?
Jax: No.
Winsome: I heard from the girls what happened to your wife. I'm sorry.
Jax: Yeah.
(Jax inhales deeply) Where you going?
Winsome: Figured you wanted me to leave.
Jax: No. Stay. Please.
Winsome: Is this okay?
Jax: Yeah. That's nice.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye. ♪
Nero: How's your crew holding up?
Jax: It's brutal. Bobby was... We all leaned on him, you know? I'm not sure what SAMCRO looks like without him.
Nero: Yeah. It really rocked Gemma. Look, I tried to bring this up a few times, Mano, but, uh, you know, with everything going on, you know... I was serious about selling my piece.
Jax: Yeah, I know. I'm just not in a place where I can do that right now.
Nero: Mm-hmm. I figured as much. I've been talking to Alvarez. He's got the cash. I'll sell him my half and he'll let Oso and his crew run the house in Stockton.
Jax: You made this deal behind my back?
Nero: No. Just exploring my options. Nothing's set in stone.
Jax: This about your uncle's farm?
Nero: Yeah. It's time, Jax. We both know that. Hey, I ain't dropping out. I'll be around, make sure the transition works.
Winsome: Hey. Morning.
Nero: Morning.
Winsome: I'm gonna head over to Red Woody. Lyla's gonna help me with all the computer shit.
Jax: Okay, good. The hard copy's in the closet next to the kitchen.
Winsome: Okay.
Nero: You got to take all that data then and re-enter it.
Winsome: I don't really know what that means, but okay.
Nero: She seems to be adjusting to life indoors.
Jax: Yeah. She's a smart girl. A little unstable, but smart.
Nero: Mm-hmm, that's the way we like them. About selling my piece. This ain't about me and you, Jax.
Jax: I get it. I'm okay with Alvarez. I just... I don't know, I... Guess I'm just not ready to lose my partner.
Nero: I'm gonna be around. Uh, I love your mom. And I'm hoping that, uh, she comes down, spends time with me. Your boys, too. Lucius will be there. It's quiet, it's safe. Be a nice little escape.
Jax: Yeah. Okay.
Nero: Seems like you're not the only son who was seeking a little, uh, professional comfort.
Jax: Uh, I guess not. I'll catch you later?
Nero: Yeah.
Rat Boy: Didn't know you were here.
Jax: Couldn't sleep. I crashed here the last couple nights.
Rat Boy: Yeah. I kind of... I just had to let off some...
Jax: I don't need to know.
Rat Boy: Okay. Anything more on Marks?
Jax: No, he's still in County.
Rat Boy: Three days and no hearing?
Jax: DA's dragging her feet. Making him sweat.
Rat Boy: Today still make sense?
Jax: Yeah. You all set with T.O.?
Rat Boy: Yeah, meeting at the Fireside.
Jax: You let him know. The second it looks like it's gonna go south...
Rat Boy: Yeah. I'll be clear.
Jax: You should head out.
Rat Boy: Oh. Yeah.
( Door opens )
Winsome: These the records?
( Door closes )
Jax: That's them. Thank you for helping out with this.
Winsome: Well, I don't really know what the hell I'm doing. But... it's cool. I like the girls. I think some of us are gonna get a place together. You know, before we all get g*n down by Chinese gangsters?
Jax: Perfect. Hey? Thank you for hanging out with me.
Winsome: Anytime. Hey. I don't know much about you. Your club or anything. But I can see you're in pain. I know how hard it is to look past the shit we do. I've lost track of all the people I've hurt. Disappointed. But you've been really nice to me. And-and kind. And you kept your word. Not a lot of people do that. You're a really decent guy, Jax. I just hope you can see some of that.
( Door opens )
( Door closes )
( Venus moans )
Venus: Are you off to new adventures, angel?
Tig: Yeah. Uh, I'm heading to Stockton.
Venus: Will I see you later?
Tig: Uh... I'm not sure.
Venus: Hey. Hey. You okay?
Tig: Yeah. Fine.
( Fingers scratch on stubble )
Gemma: Gonna be late, there, kiddo. Come on. Eat fast.
Wendy: Hey, what happened?
Abel: Tommy scratched me.
Gemma: Let me see. Well, how'd he do that?
Brooke: I'll trim his nails.
Gemma: Let me see 'em.
Montez: Here you go.
Loutreesha: Thank you.
Grant: You really should try to eat something, Ma.
Loutreesha: I will, baby. Did you sleep at all?
Grant: Not really.
( Door opens )
Quinn: All right. All right, we'll talk to you later. Got a call from Oakland. It's a go.
Montez: Good.
Loutreesha: When can we go home? We, uh... Jax said it, I have so many obligations.
Montez: We'll know more by the end of the day.
Loutreesha: I talked to the DA and I hired a lawyer. Jax said we could leave after I did all that.
Grant: Look, you need to tell us what's going on. We can't just sit here waiting to find out if someone's gonna k*ll us.
Montez: That's exactly why you're just gonna sit there.
Quinn: We'll bring you home when it's safe.
( Door closes )
Gemma: You be good, little man. I'll pick you up later.
Harrison: I've got him. Hey. What happened to your eye, sweetheart?
Abel: Tommy scratched me.
Harrison: Your brother? That's a big scratch for a little brother. Are you sure that's what happened? If someone else did this to you, like an adult or a friend, you need to tell me.
Abel: Why?
Harrison: Because it's wrong. And if they did it on purpose, they could get in trouble.
Abel: With the police?
Harrison: Yes. And the school. Come on.
( School bell ringing )
Tully: You find out why they put your boy in solitary?
Jax: No. Sheriff took the deal to the DA. I don't know what happened. Where's that leave us with Lin?
Tully: Well, I'm working on it. Might take me a day or two to have the right guys for the right shift.
Jax: Okay. We're all set to meet with Otis.
Tully: The sit-down is this afternoon. He'll bring everybody up to speed.
Jax: Is there anything I need to know about this guy?
Tully: He was my number two in Tempe. Just got out of Perryville. He's solid.
Jax: Time for the inbreds to move over, huh?
Tully: Yeah. I think Leland isn't so happy about the shift in management.
Jax: We'll help him adjust. But you need to make sure that Juice gets to Lin.
Tully: Well, in the meantime, I'm gonna keep that little Puerto Rican real close. I'll make sure no one breaks his heart.
Jax: Well, he could do with a little loving.
( Jax knocks on door )
( Vehicle approaching )
Tyler: What you need, man?
Moses: Not what I need. It's what Mr. Marks needs. Loutreesha Haddem has confirmed her statement with the DA. Secured herself a lawyer.
Tyler: So what happens now?
Moses: Well, Mr. Marks has his hearing the day after tomorrow. And before he posts bail and comes home, I have a task to complete.
Tyler: Yeah? What's that?
Moses: I need to talk to the pastor's family, convince them to rethink their statement. Teller's protecting them. I need you to find out where.
Tyler: We do business together. Ain't like I'm going to no biker barbecues.
Moses: One-Niners have been connected to SAMCRO for a couple of decades. We know how tight you are with Teller. In light of this recent betrayal, that bond concerns Mr. Marks. Makes him wonder where your loyalties lie.
Tyler: I'm here, man. We're with August.
Moses: Prove it.
Tyler: There's a guy that runs their support crew. T.O. He probably knows.
Moses: Grim Bastards?
Tyler: Yeah. I'll track him down and I'll let you know what I find out.
Moses: Hold on. Let's do that together.
Tyler: All right. Guess you're driving.
( Children chattering )
( Latch rattles )
( Lunchbox latch clicks )
( Engines rumbling )
Jax: You Otis?
Otis: Yeah.
Jax: Jax Teller.
Otis: Nice.
Jax: This is Chibs, Tig, Happy.
Otis: Let's go.
♪ ♪
Jax: I talked to Tully.
Otis: I know. Things are in play.
Chibs: Yeah? Where's Leland?
Otis: He's late. Don't know if he can read a watch.
Happy: Doubt it.
Otis: Most of my guys are in the house. Plus the two at the camper. I got four coming up from AZ today.
Happy: How many are having problems with the shift?
Otis: Leland's boy, Scoot. Rudy. Maybe Decker. The rest don't give a shit.
Scoot: The hell they doing here?
Otis: Tully wanted me to meet 'em.
Scoot: You tell Leland?
Jax: We will. When he gets here.
Scoot: Well, he ain't gonna like some tr*nny Humper at his sit-down.
Tig: What did you say?
Scoot: What, man? You think people don't know you suck dick?
(Other men laughing) Badass outlaw likes to ride bitch to some T-girl.
( Laughter )
Chibs: Not the time, brother. Not the time.
Tig: Wow.
Otis: I'm okay with the time.
Chibs: He's okay with the time.
Tig: Hey. Mule head. I think you owe me an apology.
Scoot: Are you kidding me? If you were in this crew, you'd get your dick sh*t off, you ass-raping freak.
( g*n )
( Scoot screams )
Tig: Like that?
Otis: Easy! Everyone. g*n down! Now!
(Scoot groaning) Next shithead that doesn't listen is gonna get the same thing from me.
Scoot: Traitor! Siding with these bitches!
Otis: Shut up, you redneck douchebag.
Scoot: You want to know where Leland is? He's on his way to k*ll that bitch cop.
Jax: What are you talking about?
( Scoot screams )
Happy: He asked you a question.
Scoot: You lied to us. Said you'd shut her up. Leland knows Tully's using you to take him out. Letting the cop turn him over for k*lling her n*gg*r partner.
Chibs: Eglee.
Jax: Shit. I gotta go. Do it.
( g*n )
Chibs: I'll call Rat.
( Phone beeps )
( Phone ringing )
Rat Boy: That's gotta be him.
T.O.: Yeah.
Rat Boy: Hello?
Tyler: That's T.O.
( Engine starts )
Rat Boy: That was Chibs. I gotta head to St. Thomas. Could use some help.
T.O.: What about the thing with...
Rat Boy: It's gotta wait. Oh, shit.
Moses: SAMCRO?
Tyler: Yeah. How 'bout that?
( Elevator bell dings )
Nurse: Bye-bye, thanks.
( Door beeps, latch clicks )
( Engines roaring, horns honking )
( Horn blaring )
( Door beeps, latch clicks )
Nurse: I don't think so.
( Clicks )
( Shower running )
Unser: Looking for someone? Toss the g*n. In the sink.
( Grunting )
( g*n )
( Groans )
( Unser groans )
( Groans )
( Machine beeping rhythmically )
( Camera shutter clicking )
Althea: Where was Eglee?
Unser: First thing I did was move her to another room. I didn't have time to call it in.
Althea: Well, how did you know Leland Gruen was on his way to k*ll her?
Unser: I got a heads up.
Althea: From who?
Unser: Anonymous. Friends of Eglee's.
( Althea sighs )
Althea: You can't keep protecting them, Wayne.
Unser: This has got nothing to do with Tara. I gave my statement to Carreira. It was a clean k*ll.
Carreira: We need you in there, LT.
Althea: Okay. We're not done. I'll talk to you later.
Unser: Yes, ma'am.
Althea: I think your anonymous friends are waiting for you in the lobby.
Tig: Hey.
Jax: Is Eglee okay?
Unser: Yeah. Yeah. I put three b*ll*ts in that man's chest.
Chibs: Hey. That guy was a scumbag.
( Phone ringing )
Unser: Yeah.
Chibs: Excuse me.
Unser: You know how many kills I had on the job?
Jax: None.
Unser: That's right. Fired my w*apon maybe a dozen times. Two wounded perps. That's it. Does that tell you something, son, huh? About what's happening here?
Happy: You said Eglee wasn't gonna talk.
Unser: She told the DA it was a few white guys, some n*zi ink. She didn't ID anybody.
Tig: They didn't know that.
Unser: "They"? The AB? Does that mean there's more coming?
Jax: No. Leland was the end of it. Thank you. I owe you.
( Unser grunts )
Chibs: Jackie.
Jax: Tyler?
Chibs: No, Wendy. They need you at Abel's school.
Jax: What now?
Chibs: She doesn't know.
Jax: Well, have her send Gemma.
Chibs: Child Services were called in, Jackie. They need the father. Go. We'll handle black. You go take care of your family.
Tig: We got this, brother.
Jax: All right, yeah, all right.
Chibs: Hap, you stay with him.
( Sighs )
( Muttering )
Moses: You saw what happened to Bobby. I carved out his eye, cut his fingers off. That's what will happen if you don't cooperate. So why don't we save ourselves the agony and time. Where is SAMCRO hiding the pastor's son and wife?
( Grunting )
( Coughing )
( Panting )
T.O.: Jesus Christ.
( Blows landing )
Guard: From Tully.
Juice: Holy shit.
( Gemma sighs )
( Exhales )
Jax: What the hell is going on?
Gemma: I don't know. Won't tell me shit.
Mildred: Are you Mr. Teller?
Jax: Yeah.
Mildred: I'm the assistant principal, Mildred Treal. This is Investigator Syeed from Child Services.
Jax: Where's my kid? Is he okay?
Mildred: Yeah. Can you please just, uh, have a seat?
Syeed: I'll go get Ms. Harrison.
( Gemma scoffs )
Jax: Who's Ms. Harrison?
( Scoffs )
Gemma: Abel's nosy teacher.
Jax: Can you at least tell us why Child Services is here?
Mildred: We'll explain everything.
Jax: Hey, buddy. What's going on?
Harrison: Show him, Abel.
Jax: Jesus Christ.
Gemma: Oh, my God, what happened, baby?
Jax: Who did this to you?
Harrison: It's okay, honey, you can tell the truth. This is a safe room. Who did this to you?
Abel: Grandma.
Moses: A grapefruit spoon. Turns out to be the perfect little tool for taking out an eye. Who goes first?
( Sighs )
T.O.: I can't let this psycho take my g*dd*mn eye. I know where they got the wife and kid. It's a... cabin. Probably gonna have the whole charter there.
Rat Boy: Shit.
Moses: Where is it?
T.O.: I'll write it down.
Moses: Get him a pen and paper. I got to say, I'm really disappointed that a brother was the first one to cave.
Tyler: Moses, he give it up?
Moses: Yeah.
Tyler: So we good, right?
Moses: I'll let you know when we get there.
Wendy: Jax, I dressed Abel for school this morning. Other than the scratch over his eye from Thomas, he had no cuts, no bruises, nothing.
Jax: Then what the hell happened? Why would he lie? He knew that was gonna get you in trouble.
Gemma: I don't know, baby. He's been quiet, kind of distant.
Nero: It's got to be about Tara. Maybe he thinks Gemma is trying to replace her. You know? Thinks that if he gets her out of the way, somehow his mom comes back.
Wendy: He needs to talk to someone.
Gemma: He's five. Doesn't need a shrink.
Jax: Well, he needs something! I mean, if he did this to himself...
Nero: Wendy's right. We, uh, we got to find someone that'll help him figure this shit out.
Jax softly: Yeah. But for now, you can't be alone with him, Mom.
Gemma: Jackson, you know I would never hurt my boys.
Jax: It doesn't matter what I know. Child Services are calling the sh*ts now. The state could take them if we don't follow protocol.
(Sighs) I'm gonna bring them to my house. I'm gonna need some help. You think you could stay with us until we figure this out? Sleep in the nursery?
Wendy: Yeah, sure.
Chibs: Sorry, Jackie. You want us to handle this thing without you?
Jax: No, no, just give me a minute. I'm sorry, Mom.
Gemma: It's okay.
Wendy: I'll pack up their stuff. I'll bring them by after school.
Jax: Thank you.
( Door opens, closes )
Moses: Up here. Turn right.
( Door creaks open )
( g*n )
Rat Boy: Shit!
Tyler: Sorry. That was a little messy.
T.O.: You think?!
Moses: This has got to be it. Driver: Yeah. No Harleys. Think he was lying?
Moses: I don't know. Clear it.
( Windmill creaking )
Man: Clear.
Driver: House is all clear.
( Phone ringing )
Moses: The camper.
( expl*si*n )
( High-pitched squealing )
( Squealing stops )
( g*n )
( Yells )
Jax: Hold it!
( g*n stops )
( g*n )
( Moses groaning )
( Panting )
( Moses continues panting )
( Panting continues )
Moses: Good on you, Teller.
( Groaning )
( Muffled screaming )
( Eye squelches, snaps )
( Screaming )
( Screaming continues )
( Whimpering )
( Panting )
( g*n )
( Two g*n )
( Insects trilling )
( Door creaks open )
( Door closes )
( Jax sighs )
Jax: You sure you don't mind getting rid of the trash?
Otis: I'll keep the cars. That'll cover my cleaning fee.
Jax: Take them.
Otis: Need a lift to your wheels?
Jax: Nah, we're just down the road.
(Sighs) I appreciate the backup.
Otis: A favor for a favor.
( Vehicle approaching )
Jax: Yeah.
Otis: Heard it was a cop who put down Leland. You set that shit up?
Jax: Sort of.
Otis: Don't matter. Just couldn't be me.
Jax: Yeah.
Tig: What the hell?
Chibs: Shit. What the hell happened to him?
Tyler: Couldn't get away from Moses to give them a heads up.
Rat Boy: We were heading out for the hospital. He scooped up both of us.
Jax: Shit. You okay?
Rat Boy: Yeah. Couldn't cave too easy. Took a few hits.
Jax: I'm sorry it went down that way.
Rat Boy: It's cool.
( Groans )
( Chuckles )
Jax: I'm proud of you.
Rat Boy: Thanks, man.
Chibs: Well done, brother.
( Tig muttering )
( Sighs )
Jax: I owe you, brother. Thank you.
T.O.: Anything for you, Jax.
Rat Boy: Guess things went okay here?
Tig: Well, we got a pile of d*ad black guys in the backyard.
T.O.: What? Was LAPD here?
( Light laughter )
Happy: There's three left if you want one.
Rat Boy: I'm good, man.
T.O.: Yeah, me, too.
Tyler: We did it.
Tig: Good luck.
Chibs: Good luck to you.
Chibs: Yo.
( Door opens )
Quinn: Pack your bags.
Grant: What's going on?
Montez: Marks' h*t squad has been discharged.
Grant: What about August?
Quinn: He won't be out for a few days. We're gonna take you home, keep an eye on you. We'll see what happens then.
Grant: Okay.
(Loutreesha crying) Hey. Hey, it's okay, Mom. It's okay. Hey. We're gonna be okay.
(Chuckles) We're gonna be okay.
( Loutreesha continues crying )
( Machines beeping rhythmically )
(Music playing over TV) Catherine (Over TV): I've waited over three years, Mr. Heathcliff. Heathcliff: And I've waited at your gate over an hour, Mrs. Linton. Catherine: You can be quite the scoundrel, Heathcliff. Heathcliff: Never, my love. We will let the horses set the pace for our hearts, as we become reacquainted.
Tully: "A brotherhood of misery, with smiles as sad as sighs. The madness daily maddening me and turning into agony. The bliss before my eyes. So stood I in Heaven's glorious sun, and in the glare of Hell, my spirit drank a mingled tone, of seraph's song and demon's moan. What my soul bore, my soul alone, within itself may tell."
Chibs: Hey, darling.
Althea: Hi.
Chibs: Rough day?
Althea: What do you think? Some Aryan psycho tried to k*ll one of my sheriffs.
Chibs: Right.
( Chuckles )
Althea: I can't do this anymore.
Chibs: What?
Althea: I don't know what I was thinking. I'm... Jesus, I'm an idiot. It's not you, Filip. I always put myself in these situations where... that just can't go anywhere. It's like I seek out shit that I know is gonna crash and burn. I'm sorry. I should've never let this happen.
( Sighs )
( Sighs )
( Chuckles )
Chibs: Okay.
Althea: That's it? Okay?
( Sighs )
Chibs: What do you want from me, Althea?
Althea: I don't know, man. Am I right?
Chibs: You're a cop and I'm a criminal. I'm never gonna tell you about my business, and you sure as shit ain't gonna tell me yours. So, no. We won't be taking strolls down Main Street hand in hand, picking out furniture and whatever other shite that normal couples do. I like you. The sex is great. And when you're not tearing apart every single moment that we're together, you're actually a lot of fun. But no... I'm not gonna make up your mind for you.
( Chibs grunts )
( Material ripping )
( Zipping opening )
( Panting )
( Moans )
( Knocking )
Tig: Hey. Why you sitting in the dark?
Venus: Please turn that off. Please.
Tig: What's going on?
Venus: I know what this is, Alexander. Why you're with me.
Tig: What are you talking about?
Venus: You're a man who dares to dance with the freaks. I perpetuate that deviance for you. Allow you to show the world that you live outside the box. But... I know that's where it ends for us, and I understand. It comes with the territory of my complicated identity. But my... my feelings for you are simpler. They live very much inside the box. I'm afraid... Alexander, that... I may have fallen in love with you.
( Sniffles )
Tig: Um, I don't know what to say.
Venus: Please, let me say it for you. Uh... I'm a man. I am a man who knows she's a woman. And that's exactly where I'm supposed to be. That's the crisscross that I've come to love. I don't want the surgery. I don't want to undo what God has given me. I-I know how beautiful I am.
Tig: You are beautiful.
Venus: Thank you. I'm-I'm gonna need to put some-some distance between us. (Sniffles) At least un-until I can, uh... climb outside the box again.
Tig: Well... you're right, baby. About me. About everything. This is my crisscross. Because when I'm with you, I don't have any secrets. I mean, I can't. I-I ha... I have to open myself up for this. And... you see everything. All the things that I hide. All the shit that I hate about myself. You see it all, baby. You see it all. And through all that, you still love me? Wow. I mean, man, I've never had that ever with anyone. In any box, you know? But when I try to get close... you know, to feel...
Venus: Normal.
Tig: Yeah.
Venus: Yeah.
Tig: Yes. I-I, I just, I can't hook it up.
Venus: I-I understand...
Tig: No, let me finish, baby. But I want to. I want to. I want to feel... what it's like... for you to be mine. I want to be able to go anywhere, anyplace with you... being mine. Come on, baby. Why don't you just go get yourself cleaned up. Put on a pretty dress. Put those flowers back in your hair. 'Cause I want to hear your lilt when you say my name. 'Cause you are my, my sweet, my beautiful... Venus.
Venus: Oh... Okay. Okay?
Tig: Yeah.
Venus: Yeah? I'll-I'll-I'll do that for you, baby. My precious Alex... Alexander. Alexan... Alexander.
( Laughs )
Tig: Come on.
Venus: Oh! My savior.
Tig: Oh, my baby.
Venus: Oh, you're my angel.
Tig: I know, baby.
( Groans )
Brooke: Ooh, sorry.
Rat Boy: It's okay.
Nero: What the hell happened?
Rat Boy: Just a little dustup with a few African-American fellows.
Nero: Marks' guys? What went down?
Rat Boy: Jax can fill you in.
Nero: Yeah, well until he does, anything we need to get ready for here?!
Brooke: Hey! He's exhausted! Jax is at his house. You want answers, talk to him. Gemma's in her room.
( Quiet laugh )
Nero: Feeling any better?
Gemma: I don't know.
Nero: I'm sorry this happened, mama. I know this... I know what this does to you.
Gemma: When are you going to Norco?
Nero: Hmm, well, I pick up my money from Alvarez tomorrow. Probably head down there the next couple of days, you know? See what needs to be done. Start setting things up.
Gemma: Need some help?
Nero: Serious?
Gemma: Yeah, you know. At least for a while. Till the shit gets sorted out with Abel.
Nero: Oh, that'll be good, mama. Yeah, I mean, we could do it together, hmm? Ma-Make it our place, you know? No, no, no. It's gonna be okay, Gem. Baby, we're gonna get through all this.
Gemma: I don't know why you're still here. Why you still love me.
Nero: Oh, don't-don't say that.
Gemma: I don't who I am anymore. I don't know.
Nero: Baby, baby. You're my girl. Hmm?
(Gemma sniffles) That's who you are. You're my girl.
( Door opens )
( Insects trilling )
Wendy: Hey.
Jax: Hey.
(Door closes) Did they go down okay?
Wendy: Yeah. I tried talking to him a little bit, but he wasn't having it.
Jax: Yeah, give him a couple days. He's got to know what he did was wrong.
Wendy: I got the names of a couple of good therapists.
Jax: Thank you for doing all this, Wendy. For helping getting them settled back here.
Wendy: I don't mind. I was gonna make some tea.
Jax: Sounds nice.
(Footsteps approaching) Hey, buddy. What are you doing up?
Abel: May I have some water, please?
Wendy: I got it.
( Water pouring )
Jax: Abel, come here.
Wendy: Here you go, buddy.
Abel: Thank you.
Wendy: You're welcome.
Jax: Why don't you sit down for a minute? I want to tell you something, Abel. And I want you to try to really understand, okay?
Abel: Okay.
Jax: You remember when I told you that me and Mommy got married after you were born? When you were already three?
Abel: Yeah.
Jax: And that you didn't come out of Mommy's tummy the way Thomas did? Well, that's because you came out of another mommy's tummy. Do you know whose tummy that was? It was Wendy's. Wendy was your first mommy. You came out of her tummy. That's kind of crazy, right? You see, Daddy and Wendy, we used to be married. But we realized that we were better off just being friends. But that's why she's here now. To help take care of you now that you need a mommy. Okay? I just want you to know there are so many people that love you, Abel. No matter what happens, you're always gonna have a daddy and a mommy that are gonna do their best for you.
Wendy: Hey. You want to ask me anything, baby?
Abel: No.
Jax: Well, we can talk about it whenever you want. Or not, okay? It's up to you. All right. Why don't you go get back into bed? I'll come in in a minute and tuck you in. All right.
Wendy: Oh, buddy. Good night.
( Sniffles )
(Kettle whistling) Oh, Jesus, Jax. A little heads up would've been nice.
( Kettle continues whistling )
( Whistling stops )
Jax: You okay?
Wendy: Thank you.
(Sniffles) What kind of tea do you want?
Jax: The kind that goes good with a sh*t of Jameson.
( Grunting )
Jax: I love you, son.
Abel: Love you, Daddy.
Jax: All right. Get some sleep.
Abel: Daddy?
Jax: Yeah?
Abel: Is Wendy my first mommy 'cause I came out of her tummy?
Jax: Yeah. That's right.
Abel: So, is that why Grandma k*lled my other mommy? So my first mommy could be here with me? | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "07x10 - Faith and Despondency"} | foreverdreaming |
Jax: Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
Nero: I've been talking to Alvarez. I'll sell him my half, and he'll let Oso and his crew run the house in Stockton.
Jax: This about your uncle's farm?
Nero: It's time, Jax. We both know that.
Harrison: What happened to your eye, sweetheart?
Abel: Tommy scratched me.
Harrison: Are you sure that's what happened? If someone else did this to you, you need to tell me, because it's wrong, and they could get in trouble.
Jax: Hey, buddy. What's going on?
Harrison: Show him, Abel.
Jax: Jesus Christ.
Gemma: God, what happened, baby?
Jax: Who did this to you?
Abel: Grandma.
Chibs: We got to prove Jury spoke to Lin.
Jax: Juice is the only one that can do that, and a rat vetting out a rat ain't gonna hold much weight.
Chibs: Tully gets a phone to the rat bastard. We record it.
Tully: They put your boy in solitary.
Jax: But you need to make sure that Juice gets to Lin.
Gemma: When are you going to Norco?
Nero: Probably head down there next couple of days.
Gemma: Need some help?
Nero: Oh, that'll be good, mama. We can do it together. M-Make it our place, you know?
Abel: Daddy?
Jax: Yeah?
Abel: Is Wendy my first mommy 'cause I came out of her tummy?
Jax: Yeah.
Abel: So, is that why Grandma k*lled my other mommy?
Gemma: I don't know why he'd do it. I know he misses you, but... I'd never put a hand on him. You know that. I love him more than anything. I'm sorry, sweetheart. So sorry this happened.
Juice: I do this, and everybody's okay with me and everybody forgives. This gets done. I put something together here. Get through the time. I just got to finish it. This gets done. This gets done.
(Chibs sighs)
(Door closes)
Wendy: Morning.
Jax: Morning.
Wendy: Where'd you sleep last night?
Jax: Stayed with Abel after I put him to bed.
Wendy: Want some coffee?
Jax: Yeah. Thanks. Thanks.
Wendy: Jax... I got to tell you something. After last night, and you letting Abel know the truth about me... I-I can't have any secrets. I checked out of rehab to help you. To help Gemma. And when I got to my apartment, Juice was there.
Jax: And what the hell was Juice doing in your apartment?
Wendy: He said he was hiding from the club. I didn't ask him why.
Jax: Well, how'd he get in? Gemma had the keys. Why would my mom be helping Juice?
Wendy: She said she didn't want anyone else to get hurt. She thought I'd be gone, so she let him stay there.
Jax: Did anyone else know?
Wendy: Wayne. He found out by accident. He saw Juice's bag. I'm sorry, Jax. I didn't know what to do. The vibe between us was just so tense. And then shit just went crazy. Diosa, Scoops and Bobby. And then, after that, you know, Abel started acting out, I... I guess Juice just didn't seem that important.
Jax: Yeah.
Wendy: Hey, are we okay?
Jax: You didn't make the choice to help him. Look, I know you got pulled into this. I get it. But I need you to keep this between us for now, though. You don't tell anyone else I know.
Wendy: Okay. Hey. Jax, what are you gonna do?
Jax: I'm gonna get some answers. You take care of our boys.
Unser: Oh, all right, all right! Jesus Christ! What the...
Jax: Put some pants on. We need to talk.
♪ Riding through this world ♪
♪ All alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ You're on your own ♪
♪ The crow flies straight ♪
♪ A perfect line ♪
♪ On the devil's bed ♪
♪ Until you die ♪
♪ Gotta look this life ♪
♪ In the eye. ♪
Jax: I know you and Gemma have been helping Juice. I need to know how that happened.
Unser: Who the hell told you that?
Jax: Wendy. She said Gemma was helping him because she didn't want anyone else to get hurt. But why would Juice go to my mom in the first place?
Unser: Not sure how that all came together. I assumed they crossed paths somewhere. You know, by a weed shop or something.
Jax: That doesn't make sense. You were with my mom the night Tara got m*rder.
Unser: Yeah.
Jax: What was going on with her?
Unser: She was upset. She, uh, knew you were gonna get picked up by the sheriffs.
Jax: Did she call you after she saw the Chinese?
Unser: Yeah. Yeah, well, after we found out what happened. She was wrecked. We both were. She didn't tell me what she saw. Only the club was privy to that. What-what... what are you digging at, son?
Jax: I need a face-to-face with Juice. Can you call Jarry, set that up?
Unser: You're kidding me, right? I mean, we know what you're doing with Juice. Using him to get close to Lin. I mean, it's...
Jax: This isn't about Lin! It's about Tara.
Unser: Why should I help you, son, huh? You guys have done nothing but lie to me. The guy Juice and-and your mother I.D.'d... He wasn't even in the state.
Jax: What are you talking about?
Unser: Chris Dun. Jarry found out he was in a Vegas drunk t*nk the night Tara was m*rder.
Jax: I need you to get me in a room with Juice. Tell the D.A. it will get them the intel they need on Tara's m*rder. You can pull the video, watch the whole thing. Wayne... Do you want the truth or not?
Unser: All right. I'll call Jarry. See if she can hook it up. But you burn me on this, Jackson, and-and there's no more loyalty. For your club and for your family. Understand?
Jax: Understood.
Guard: The thing Tully's helping you with, it goes down after breakfast.
Juice: Yeah, okay. (Door closes) This gets done.
(Engine idling)
(Engine shuts off)
Chuck: Sounds good. Your dad would be happy.
Jax: Still needs some tweaks, but it's getting there.
Chuck: Looks very regal in the club colors.
(Motorcycles approaching)
Jax: Yeah. What time does my mom get in?
Chuck: Well, we're pretty slow. Probably just before lunch. You want her here sooner?
Jax: No. Thank you.
Tig: Hey. What's going on, boss?
Jax: I need you guys to visit our white friends. Have Otis reach out to Tully. I'm sitting down with Juice. I need the cameras off in the room.
Chibs: I thought all this shit with Lin was set.
Jax: It is. It's about something else.
Chibs: What?
Jax: I'll fill you in when I know more.
Chibs: Yeah.
Tig: All right. What was that?
Chibs: Don't know.
Abel: Where's Daddy?
Wendy: He's working.
Abel: Is Daddy okay?
Wendy: Yeah. Are you okay? That was a lot for you to take in last night... about me. You okay with all that? Oh...
(Buzzer sounds, door opens)
(Buzzer sounds)
(Buzzer sounds)
(Buzzer sounds)
(Keys jingling)
Guard: There's a change of clothes in there. In case it gets messy.
(Lin sighs)
Lin: Shit. Teller got you doing his dirty work, huh? Figured he'd just leave it for his new n*zi pals.
Juice: Doesn't have to be dirty. I just need some answers.
Lin: Yeah. That's why I'm chained to a pipe in a g*dd*mn boiler room. (Juice laughs) (Phone beeps) What the hell is that for?
Juice: Who sold out SAMCRO? Gave up the location of the g*n?
(Lin laughs)
Lin: Of course. They sent the rat to flush out the rat.
Juice: Hmm. Who was it?
Lin: Those g*n were ours.
Juice: Was it a member? Jury White?
Lin: What happens once I tell you?
Juice: I send that to the club and they handle the traitor.
Lin: And me?
Juice: Nothing happens. As long as you tell me who it was and you don't give up the MC to make a deal.
(Lin sighs)
Lin: It was Charlie Barosky. He came to us, said he knew who took the g*n and where they were. Prick held out for a shitload of cash. Cops... biggest criminals of all.
(Juice chuckles)
Juice: Yeah.
(Phone beeps)
Lin: You lying piece of...
Juice: I'm a rat. What makes you think I wouldn't be a liar, too?
(Lin choking)
(Blood trickling)
(Lin choking)
(Juice sighs)
♪ ♪
Chuck: Morning.
Gemma: Hey.
Chuck: Jax was here earlier looking for you.
Gemma: What'd he want?
Chuck: He didn't say.
Unser: Well, I could fill you in on that. Wendy told Jax that we were helping Juice.
Gemma: What?
Unser: Yeah.
Gemma: Why the hell would she do that?
Unser: Not sure. He wasn't, uh, pissed off, though. He was, uh... just very troubled.
Gemma: About Juice?
Unser: Uh, that and some information he got about Tara's m*rder. The guy you and Juice identified... He was in a Vegas jail the night she was m*rder.
Gemma: He was Asian. Dark. It wasn't him, it was another one of Lin's guys.
Unser: Yeah. I guess so. Well, Jax is using Juice to get to Lin, and I'm assuming Juice got Dun's name from the club. Am I wrong? I mean, was he with you that night?
Gemma: No.
Unser: Huh. Well, when did he come to you for help?
Gemma: Uh... (exhales) You know, after Tara. I'm not sure. He... he just reached out. Called me, I think.
(Unser laughs)
Unser: He just... called you? Didn't you think that was a little odd? I mean, you'd be the last person I'd go to if I...
Gemma: I don't know, Wayne. You're gonna have to talk to Juice.
Unser: Oh, well, yeah. Well, Jax is doing that.
Gemma: What do you mean?
Unser: Jarry got him a face-to-face with Juice, so... He's on his way to Stockton now. I tell you, your son is determined to get to the truth. You all right? Hmm?
Gemma: Yeah.
Unser: Where you going?
Gemma: Left something at the house.
Chuck: Is everything okay?
(Car door shuts, engine starts)
Unser: I don't know, Chucky. Why don't you follow her home. Keep an eye on her.
Chuck: Okay. Then what?
Unser: I don't know. I... wish I knew.
(Door slams)
Happy: Where were you guys?
Tig: Lady, get out of here. b*at it, b*at it, go on.
Chibs: Pour me some Coke. Go, go.
Tig: All right, listen. We just sat down with Otis. Jax needed Tully to secure a room so he can sit down with Juice.
Rat Boy: About Lin?
Chibs: Don't know.
Happy: I hope so. We got to get that confession. That forum did not go well for our pres.
Quinn: Been talking to some of the Berdoo guys. Vibe ain't good, man.
Chibs: Yeah. We know.
Rat Boy: What happens if Jax can't prove that Jury was the one who sold us out?
Chibs: Then they'll get to hear both sides of what went down with Jury.
Montez: We all know it was self-defense.
Tig: Indian Hills saw it a different way.
Happy: And if it goes their way? It's a member k*lling another member.
Rat Boy: But that means a Mayhem vote.
(Door opens)
Jax: Hey.
Tully: Had to come up. Only way I could secure the room. Pretty Puerto Rican's on his way.
Jax: Okay, I appreciate it.
Tully: Talked to Otis. Heard our black and white problem's been solved.
Jax: Yeah. He's a solid guy.
Tully: Lin's confession. Juice put him down this morning. Clean. There'll be no blowback.
Jax: He's d*ad?
Tully: Yeah. That was the plan, wasn't it?
Jax: Yeah.
Tully: All right. What about Ortiz? Does that pay off his sins?
Jax: I'm not sure.
(Footsteps approaching)
(Door opens)
Tully: Let me know.
Jax: Thank you.
Tully: Sure. Oh, I'll see you later, baby.
(Juice sighs)
Juice: Tully tell you about Lin?
Jax: Yeah.
Juice: It wasn't Jury. It was Barosky. All about money.
Jax: And you believed him?
Juice: Yeah. If anything, Lin would want to hurt the club. He got no reason to protect Jury. (Sighs) I did everything you asked, Jax.
Jax: I found out Gemma was helping you hide. The Chinese guy she I.D.'d... He was in Vegas the night Tara was m*rder. Why would you go to my mom to hide from the club? Did she owe you a favor?
Juice: We just kind of, uh... found each other.
Jax: Yesterday, my five-year-old son cut his own arm. Deep scratches. And then he told his teacher it was Gemma that did it. We spent the afternoon with Child Services. Last night, I decided to tell him that... Wendy was his first mom. You know, I thought it might give him some comfort, knowing that he had another mother. When I put him to bed... He asked me if Gemma... had k*lled Tara to make room for Wendy. When I pressed him on why he would ask this, he said he overheard Gemma telling his little brother that she was sorry she'd k*lled his mommy.
Juice: Jesus.
Jax: You see, nothing makes sense to me, Juice. Is my kid delusional? Cutting himself, making up stories? Or is he tormented? You see, every scenario seems insane to me. My son is twisted up. He just lost his mom. Before I send in a team of shrinks to twist him up more and to create deeper wounds... I need the truth. Somehow, I know... you're the one who can give it to me.
Juice: I'm really sorry about Abel.
Jax: Is it true?
Juice: I went to your house that night. Looking for Gemma, like you'd asked. I was still trying to wrap my head around what you'd said to me. About betraying you. I met Eli out front. He was waiting on Tara. Then we heard a crash... and Eli ran in the house. I followed. Tara was d*ad. The place was trashed. She must have gotten in a brawl with Gemma. Your mom... (Jax inhales sharply) was on the floor, freaked out... covered in blood. Eli was about to call it in. I k*lled him.
(Jax sighs)
Jax: And then Gemma needed you as much as you needed her. (Sniffles) What about the Chinese?
Juice: Needed to put the k*ll on someone. The way she k*lled her... So brutal. It felt gangland. I didn't want it to come down on brown and Nero. So I told Gemma to use the Chinese. We came up with the story.
Jax: Bobby's d*ad. August. Retaliation for us going after Lin. They cut out his eye. They cut off his fingers. Then they sh*t him in the head right in front of me.
Juice: Oh, God, Jax, I'm...
Jax: Don't say you're sorry! Don't say anything. Thank you for telling me the truth. I'll make sure it's quick.
(Knocking)
(Door opens)
(Door closes)
(Sighs softly)
(Cell phone ringing)
Gemma: Yeah?
Juice: Gemma, it's Juice.
Gemma: Where are you?
Juice: Stockton.
Gemma: Did you talk to Jax?
Juice: I told him, Gemma. Everything. I'm sorry, I had to. The shit that happened because of that lie. It was a mistake. We should've never kept it from...
Chibs: What the...? Jesus Christ.
Tig: Mm-hmm.
Chibs: You know what? I have no idea how Bobby handled this shit.
Tig: Yeah. We need to patch in another Jew.
(Door opens)
Chibs: Jackie. How'd it go?
Jax: Juice took care of Lin. It wasn't Jury. It was Barosky.
Tig: Oh, that lying son of a bitch.
Chibs: This is really gonna complicate things with Indian Hills.
Jax: I know. (Sighs) All right. I need you to call Alvarez. Tell him about Barosky. We'll handle it. But it's gonna impact shit in Stockton.
Tig: When are we gonna do it?
Jax: Soon. I just need to handle a family problem first.
Chibs: Hey. What's going on, brother?
Jax: I just need to talk to Gemma.
Tig: Why, is something wrong? Is she okay?
Jax: She's fine. I just need to track down where she went. Have Hap and Rat go to her house. Have Quinn and Montez go to Diosa.
Tig: What do they do if they find her?
Jax: Just have her stay put. Let's go check out TM.
(Knocking)
Wendy: Gem? It's me.
Gemma: Just a second. Hey.
Wendy: Hey.
Gemma: Where's the baby?
Wendy: In the kitchen with Chucky. You talk to Jax?
Gemma: No. Unser. He talked to Jax. I know about Juice.
Wendy: I'm sorry, Gem. I had to come clean. Jax told Abel last night that I was his first mommy. He thought it might help him not feel like Tara was being replaced. You know, if he knew I was his birth mom. And after that, I just... I couldn't lie to Jax anymore. I can't keep secrets, Gem. It'll k*ll me.
Gemma: Did it help? Telling Abel?
Wendy: Yeah. He seemed a little better today. Less anxious.
Gemma: That's good. I'm glad he knows you're his mom.
Wendy: Yeah?
Gemma: It's the right thing. The right time.
Wendy: God, that means so much to me.
Chuck: Hey, uh, there were no more diapers in the laundry room, and he's, like, loaded.
Wendy: Okay, I got some in my bag. Give me.
Chuck: Okay.
Wendy: Come on.
Gemma: Hey. No, no, no. Let me get him. I got him.
Wendy: Yeah? Okay.
Gemma: Yeah. I'll bring him to you in a minute.
Wendy: Okay.
Gemma: Huh, baby? I love you. Yes, I do. Your grandma loves you. Here we go. Oh, there we go.
Lyla: Signature here. And here. Okay. And then initials in all the boxes.
Alvarez: Maybe I can steal you away from Teller, you can manage both Diosas, huh?
Lyla: Well, I appreciate the offer, but I'm gonna stick to running p*rn. I'd rather sh**t p*ssy than have my p*ssy sh*t at.
Nero: Hey! I'm trying to close a sale here. Let's not bring up the ghosts, huh?
Alvarez: It's okay. I'm good with ghosts. I think that's it.
Lyla: Okay, that should do it, gentlemen. I'll finish notarizing these, make you copies and file the transfer downtown.
Alvarez: 150. Yeah, you can count it.
Nero: I trust you. I'm glad we were able to make this work, canalla.
Alvarez: Me, too, Nero.
Montez: Hey, Nero. Gemma here?
Chuck: Where you going?
Gemma: I got to clean up some family things.
Chuck: Is everything okay?
(Motorcycles approaching)
Gemma: No. No, sweetheart. Everything is not okay. I'm in trouble, and I can't let the club find me. Not yet.
Chuck: Okay, I can help you.
Gemma: If they find out, it's gonna be bad.
Chuck: h*t me. I'll tell them you punched me and took my keys. They'll believe that.
Gemma: Chucky, I can't h*t you.
Chuck: Gem, it's okay. h*t me. (Knocking) Good. Okay, go, go, go! Coming! Hey, guys.
Rat Boy: Shit, what happened?
Happy: Where's Gemma?
Chuck: I don't know. She, uh, asked me for my keys, I said no. She punched me and took off with the car.
Rat Boy: Isn't that her loaner in the driveway?
Chuck: My scooter died here last night, so I drove the other loaner... blue Ford. She took that one.
Happy: Shit.
Chuck: What's going on? Why's she running?
Happy: How long ago?
Chuck: Maybe ten minutes.
Rat Boy: All right, thanks.
(Door closes)
Gemma: Put some ice on that.
Chuck: Okay.
Gemma: Thank you, Chucky.
Chuck: You're my best friend, Gem.
Gemma: I accept that.
Unser: Hey. I tried calling you. They had me on hold forever.
Althea: Yeah. I was on the phone with Patterson and the Department of Corrections. Lin was k*lled this morning. s*ab multiple times in the neck, found in the hallway. (Unser groans) No witnesses.
Unser: Shit. You watch Teller's chat?
Althea: We pulled the video file... it was blank. Someone bought the room. Speak of the devil.
Unser: Yeah, well, uh... we need to speak to the other devil. Got to see Juice, right?
Althea: Yeah. All right.
Unser: Let me, uh... let me talk to Jax alone for a minute.
(Cell phone ringing)
Chibs: Any idea why Cagney and Lacey are here?
Jax: No. Where are things at with her?
Chibs: Same. No deeper.
Jax: What's our good sheriff doing here?
Unser: Uh, she came to deliver some sad news. Henry Lin.
Jax: Yeah, we heard.
Unser: Oh, okay.
Jax: That happened before I got there. That's not why I went to see Juice.
Unser: Ah, well, I guess we'll never know. There's no videotape.
Tig: Jax? I, uh... I just got off the phone with Hap. Gemma just slugged Chucky. Then she took off in a blue Ford. What the hell's going on, brother?
Jax: I need you to call my mom. Have her meet you here. Tell her you need to talk to her in private.
Unser: Why? What's going on with Gemma?
Jax: It's family business.
Unser: Oh, maybe you forgot our little deal. I'm done helping you and the club.
Jax: This is about Tara.
Unser: Oh, if you gave a shit about Tara, maybe you'd spend a little less time being a thug and little more time being a dad.
Jax: You need to watch your mouth, old man.
Unser: Oh, yeah? Well, what-what you gonna do? You gonna k*ll me, huh?! Is that what you're gonna do... add me to your body count, huh? Oh, you know what? Maybe-maybe I should go into my trailer and stand in the kitchen and wait for somebody to come along and stick a fork in my head! Oh!
Chibs: Jesus Christ, Jackie! Let's go!
Althea: Jesus, Wayne. Are you all right?
Unser: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
(Motorcycles revving, departing)
Althea: What the hell was that about?
Unser: I don't know. But until I do, I want Teller off the streets, so no one else gets hurt. Put out an APB on Teller. For as*ault.
Althea: What is going on?
Unser: g*dd*mn it. Go ahead, do it! Please, do it!
♪ ♪
(Dialing phone)
(Cell phone ringing)
Nero: Hey, where you been?
Gemma: Crazy morning.
Nero: Quinn and Montez were here looking for you. And they wouldn't say why. What's up, mama?
Gemma: Just something's going down with the club. I need to talk to you.
Nero: I'm over here at Diosa.
Gemma: Uh... I need some privacy. Can you meet me? Please. It's important. I'll give you the address.
Nero: Uh... okay, hold on.
(Door opens)
Juice: Wow. I'm a popular guy.
Althea: Sit down. Understand you're getting pretty cozy with the AB in here.
Juice: Yeah. That's one way to put it. What do you want?
Unser: It's a shame about Henry Lin, huh?
Juice: Yeah, well... no one lives forever, right?
Unser: Mm.
Althea: We need to know what you talked about with Teller this morning.
Juice: Watch the tape.
Althea: Don't be an assh*le.
Juice: Trust me... all I am in here is someone's assh*le.
Unser: What'd you tell Jax?
Juice: The truth.
Unser: Why's he looking for Gemma?
Juice: Gemma knows the truth.
Unser: About...?
Juice: About everything. Gemma knows every truth behind every lie, inside every secret. She's the gatekeeper.
Unser: Listen to me, Juice... if you know anything about Tara, you got a chance here. A chance to...
Juice: I have no chance. Neither do you. Your heads are shoved so far up your asses, you can't see what's right in front of you.
Althea: Yeah, and if you're tired of things getting shoved up your ass, maybe we can help. But we're gonna need some cooperation, damn it.
Juice: It doesn't matter anymore, Sheriff. I'm all done. It's too late. For all of us.
Jax: Where's Charlie?
Clerk: Mr. Charlie is not here.
Chibs: Where is he?
Clerk: At the port, I think. He should be back soon.
Jax: We'll wait. Call Happy and Rat. See if they have anything on Gemma.
Chibs: Jesus... (Sighs) Jackie... you got to tell us what the hell this is all about.
Jax: I will. I just need to speak to my mother, confirm a few things, and then I'll bring everyone up to speed. Don't ask me again.
Chibs: Okay. We'll call Hap.
Nero: Hey. What are you doing here?
(Gemma chuckles softly)
Gemma: I was born in that house. (Nero chuckles softly) Rose didn't like hospitals. She used a midwife. Or a witch woman. Something medieval. That was Dad's parish.
Nero: What's going on, Gem?
Gemma: My dad always wanted a big family... But Rose... I don't think she really wanted kids. And after my baby brother died, she... she just checked out. I couldn't wait to be a mom. I wanted a dozen sons. That didn't happen. After Thomas, and my heart thing... John didn't want to take the risk. But I never quit on Jax. Not for a minute. (Sighs) Everything in my life... pretty much torched. (Sniffles) Hated school. Wasn't a very good wife. But I was a good mother. I did everything I was supposed to do.
Nero: Yeah... yeah, I know that, mama.
Gemma: I love you, Nero. Our time together has been neck-deep in chaos, but you have made me happy.
Nero (chuckles): Whoa, you... you sound like you're saying good-bye there, Gem. What's going on?
Gemma: I just have to handle some family things.
Nero: What family things? Come on, where... where you going?
(Cell phone ringing)
Gemma: Is that Jax? (Ringing continues) Please don't answer it. (Ringing stops) Wait till I'm gone.
Nero: Gem, are you gonna tell me what happened?
(Cell phone ringing)
Nero: Yeah.
Jax: Has Gemma reached out to you?
Nero: Why?
Jax: 'Cause I need to talk to her.
Nero: Yeah, I know, uh... Couple new guys came by looking for her. What's going on?
Jax: I just need to track down where she went, Nero.
Nero: Well, I don't know. But I tell you, if I find out, I'm not gonna tell you anything until I know why.
Jax: I went to see Juice this morning... trying to piece together...
Nero: Jax, I'm really sorry. Oh, yeah, yeah, I... I understand. I don't know. Okay, Mano. (Stifled sob) Uh, yeah, if I see her, I'll, uh... I'll let you know. I will, I will. Yeah. Oh, God... (Stammers quietly) Is that true?
Gemma: It's a complicated...
Nero: Gemma... Hey... Is it true?
Gemma: Yes.
(Nero sighs, breath trembling)
Nero: You should go.
(Engine starts)
(Sighs)
(Sobbing softly)
(Police radio chatter)
Chibs: Jackie! Sheriff's outside running your plates.
Tig: APB, brother! as*ault!
Sheriff: Teller!
Tig: Run, run.
Chibs: Go, go, go, go, go!
Sheriff: He's running! He's running!
Tig: He's not doing anything!
Sheriff: Get out of the way! Come on, get out of the way!
Chibs: Come on! Get off me... oop! Sorry.
(Sheriff grunts angrily)
Chibs: Come on.
(Engine rumbles, tires screech)
Driver: Hey, idiot! You want me to run your ass over?
Jax: No, I want you to stop eating donuts, you fat piece of shit!
Driver: What the hell is going on? Jesus Christ.
Jax: Move!
(Siren approaching)
Driver: You're not taking my car!
Jax: Yeah, tell the cops.
(Tires screeching)
Sheriff: Stop! Stop!
(Engine roaring)
(Tires screeching)
(Sirens wailing)
(Horn blaring)
♪ ♪
Officer: Oh, shit!
(Engine revving)
(Kids chattering)
Gemma: Hey. Abel. Come here, sweetheart. Come on. Come here. Hey, baby. I just wanted to come by to... to give you something.
Abel: Okay.
Harrison: Stop, stop, stop.
Gemma: Honey, this was, uh... This was your Grandpa John's and I gave it to your daddy when... when he patched into the club. This one's for you, so you have it when you become a member. I love you, Abel. Your mommy and your daddy, they love you, too. And you did nothing wrong, baby.
Harrison: Mrs. Teller.
Gemma: You're a good boy.
Harrison: You're not allowed to be here. (Gemma sniffles) Go back to class, Abel. I-I'm gonna report this.
Gemma: I know. Thank you for watching out for my grandson. Take care of him.
Abel: Bye, Grandma.
Alvarez: It's a good machine.
Jax: Consider it rent. I appreciate the sanctuary.
Alvarez: Any time.
Jax: Look, man, I don't want this news about Barosky hitting the street. That's our mess to clean up.
Alvarez: Understood. Saves us the hassle. Charlie's an expensive hurdle.
Jax: Good. I heard you and Nero signed papers today.
Alvarez: Yeah, we did. It makes sense, you know? Our clubs having a business together. We'll have to think twice about any bullshit that comes our way.
Jax: Yeah. Well, it's good we're partners. We should, uh, sit down with Connor, figure out g*n.
Alvarez: And what about Marks? He's going to make bail after his hearing.
Jax: Yeah. I know. We're gonna need some help cleaning up what's left of the Chinese. Then we'll sit down with Tyler, figure out territories. By the time August puts together a new crew, black, white and brown will be united in Oakland. I'll make sure he makes the adjustment.
Alvarez: You let me know whatever you need, my friend. I'm gonna take a ride up to Stockton, let Oso know what's going on. Place is yours, eh?
Jax: Thank you.
Chibs: Jesus Christ, brother. You all right?
Jax: I'm fine.
Tig: Okay, good. Quinn and Montez are on their way now.
Jax: Good. Let me know when everyone's at the table.
Chibs: Aye.
Guard: Get up. I'm expanding my business circle. My new friends want you in the infirmary.
Juice: Why?
Guard: 'Cause you need medical assistance.
(Juice grunting)
Jax: I'm sorry for the lack of communication today. I got some information last night from my son. Something he overheard Gemma say. Juice confirmed it this morning. I didn't want to believe it, but after my mom took off... The Chinese didn't k*ll Tara. Gemma did. It was a fit of rage, I guess. Juice was with Eli when he found her. He k*lled Roosevelt. Then Gemma and Juice put together the lie. The Chinese guy that I tortured, whose head I split open... he wasn't even in the state the night Tara was k*lled. The level of brutality in Tara's m*rder... I thought it could only be g*ng retaliation. A message. I was wrong. That mistake is mine... and mine alone. Everything that happened as a result of that mistake... Every body that dropped, every relationship that was torched... West, Jury, Bobby, everything that jeopardized this club was my fault.
Chibs: Jackie...
Jax: Chibs... I'm gonna sit down with Packer and the other presidents. Come clean about Jury. And then we sit down with Tyler, the Irish and the Mayans. We discuss g*n and territories. I can't do anything to change what's happened, but I'm gonna make damn sure I do everything I can to make it right. I can't talk about any of this right now, and I'd appreciate some time to think. I suggest you do the same. We'll meet back here tomorrow. I'm sorry that the family I was given has created so much chaos in the family I've chosen. I hope you know I love you all very much.
(Quinn sniffles)
Unser: Heard anything from Gemma? (Unser sighs) Any idea where she went?
Chuck: No. She's not coming back, is she, Wayne?
♪ ♪
Abel: Good night, Wendy.
Wendy: Oh, good night. Mmm. Want to kiss your brother? Mmm. I'll be in in a minute to tuck you in, okay, buddy? Go. Go ahead.
Chibs: I love you, my brother.
Jax: I love you.
Tig: I really love you, brother, I really do.
Jax: Love you, too, man.
Tig: All right.
Nero: Chibs.
(Jax sniffles)
Nero: The crew knows?
Jax: Yeah. Where did she go?
Nero: I don't know. I couldn't... uh... I couldn't talk to her. I... Hmm.
Jax: How do I come back from this? The damage to my club and my family. To my boy.
Nero: Maybe it's time to honor Tara's wish.
Jax: Yeah.
Nero: And what about Gemma? I get the pain that you're in, Jax. And the damage that she's caused is... It's unbelievable. But a son k*lling his mother? Jax, that's a wound that's too deep to heal. And I know you, Mano. That's gonna swallow you up. That's gonna destroy you, man.
Jax: I know. That's the part that hurts the most about all this, man. I mean, after everything she did, all the lies and the death and the wreckage... I still love her. You know? She's my mom.
(Crying): How could she do this to Tara? How could she do this?
Nero: Hey. I know.
♪ ♪
(Hymn playing over radio)
(Gemma humming)
Gemma: ♪ This is my song... ♪
(Gemma continues humming)
♪ This is my song... ♪
♪ Born of his spirit ♪
♪ Washed in his blood... ♪ | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "07x11 - Suits of Woe"} | foreverdreaming |
Previously on Sons of Anarchy...
Jax: I need you to get me in a room with Juice. You can pull the video, watch the whole thing. Do you want the truth or not?
Unser: I'll call Jarry. But you burn me on this, Jackson, and there's no more loyalty. For your club and for your family.
Jax: Understood. Yesterday, my five-year-old son asked me if Gemma had k*lled Tara to make room for Wendy.
Juice: Jesus.
Jax: My son is twisted up. Before I send in a team of shrinks to twist him up more, I need the truth.
Juice: Tara was d*ad, your mom was on the floor covered in blood. Oh, God, Jax, I'm...
Jax: Don't say you're sorry. Thank you for telling me the truth. I'll make sure it's quick.
Gemma: I love you, Nero.
Nero: Sound like you're saying good-bye there, Gemma. What's going on?
(phone rings) Yeah.
Jax: I went to see Juice this morning.
(Nero cries)
Nero: Gemma... is it true?
Gemma: Yes.
Nero: You should go.
Jax: I need you to call my mom, have her meet you here.
Unser: Maybe you forgot our little deal. There's no videotape. I'm done helping you and the club.
Jax: This is about Tara.
Unser: If you gave a shit about Tara, maybe you'd spend a little less time being a thug and a little more time being a dad.
(groaning) Put out an APB on Teller for as*ault.
Jax: The Chinese didn't k*ll Tara. Gemma did. I'm gonna sit down with Packer and the other presidents, come clean about Jury. And then we sit down with Tyler, the Irish and the Mayans, we discuss g*n and territories. I can't do anything to change what's happened, but I'm gonna make damn sure I do everything I can to make it right.
(sighs)
(motorcycle engines approaching)
(door opens) Where is he? Hey, brother. Here you go.
Jax: Thank you.
(Jax groans)
Chibs: Hey, what happened?
Jax: I don't know.
Chibs: You okay?
Jax: Yeah, I'll be fine.
Alvarez: You sleep okay?
Jax: Fine.
Alvarez: The guys filled me in about what happened to Tara. Very sorry, Jax. That's some awful shit, man.
Familia. Can only imagine the pain in your heart.
Jax: I appreciate that.
Alvarez: I know you want to handle your personal business the way you know how, but what happened on the street-- it changed everybody. Right or wrong, there ain't no taking it back, huh?
Jax: I know. We just need to clean it up.
Chibs: Yup, we got it, Jackie.
Tig: All right, so, uh, Tyler and Nero-- they're on their way. It's all set with Connor. Meeting's gonna take place at O'Grady's.
Jax: Okay.
Happy: The forum wants to meet with you, brother. Presidents are heading up.
Jax: What time?
Chibs: Packer said he'll call when they're close. I'm guessing after the Irish meet.
Tig: Yeah.
Jax: Okay. Anything from Coletti?
Rat Boy: No. He ran credit card hits, airlines, buses. Wherever Gemma is, she's staying off the grid.
Jax: Okay. Thanks.
♪ ♪
Wendy: Hey, you hear from Gemma?
Brooke: No. I-I figured she'd be here.
(baby coos) Um, is it... is it weird... being here? Whole Tara thing?
Wendy: Yeah. Uh, it's not just 'cause of that. I OD'd right there. Almost k*lled my son.
Brooke: Oh. Jesus, I-I... I didn't know. I mean, I kind of knew what happened, but...
Wendy: Oh, it's okay. Let's just say I'm, uh, living with more than one ghost.
Brooke: Sorry. It's got to be hard.
Wendy: I don't know. As crazy as shit is, I-I guess I feel more at home here now than I did back then.
Abel: Wendy, where's Grandma?
Wendy: Well, she probably had to go to the garage early, buddy. Come on, grab your lunch. Don't want to be late. You got the baby?
Brooke: Yeah.
Wendy: Okay.
Brooke: Have a good day, handsome. Hey.
(engines idling)
(door opening, closing)
Milo: Sorry to wake you. This is a rig zone... for trucks.
Gemma: Oh. I'm sorry. It was empty when I pulled in.
Milo: Thanks.
(engine starting)
(truck engine revving)
(whooshing and idling of trucks)
(car engine stops)
♪ riding through this world ♪
♪ all alone ♪
♪ God takes your soul ♪
♪ you're on your own ♪
♪ the crow flies straight ♪
♪ a perfect line ♪
♪ on the devil's bed ♪
♪ until you die ♪
♪ gotta look this life ♪
♪ in the eye ♪
Jax: It makes sense for the Niners to push Lin's territory into Ghosttown. Say everything south of Brockhurst.
Oso: That ain't an even split.
Chibs: Hey, Mayan manpower is gonna be tied up moving g*n. And you're gonna have to cut back on your "H" trade. You knew that?
Tyler: We got subsets in all those neighborhoods. We'll move in quick.
Alvarez: I can live with that. Just as long as Niners know they got to pay the same price like everybody else.
Tyler: As long as you give us priority, sell to us first.
Alvarez: Fair enough.
Nero: What about Stockton? With me stepping down, Triple Twos-- they're gonna be pushing on Byz-lat blocks.
Fiasco: Yeah, they already are, homes. We're down to a dozen guys. No way to recruit. Streets are waiting to see if we stay alive.
Oso: Which we can help you with the Twos. Dante's a punk. Got no problem stepping on him till you guys crew up.
Fiasco: Feel me, that'd be a big help.
Nero: Yeah, big help. What are you gonna want for that big help?
Oso: Don't think it's just my charitable heart? Push our dope, grow the business east.
Nero: But we ain't about that. We ain't never been about that.
Fiasco: Yeah. We can do that. You're gone, vato. We got to survive, qué no?
Jax: Let's sit down with the Mayans, talk, see if we can come up with a plan that works for everyone.
Oso: And what about Barosky?
Jax: I got him. Keep him in the dark.
Tyler: The Chinese power base is gone, but they still have a lot of players on the street. They already been reaching out down south. We got to shut that down before we're slamming into Triads.
Jax: Understood. We'll figure it out as soon as we nail down g*n. Are we good with all this? I need everyone's word. All right. Let's go drink some piss-warm beer.
Chibs: Sorry, brother. Gonna have to put you in the van. APB. They're gonna be looking for your glide.
Jax: Yeah. Rat? Take my bike to Red Woody. Take Quinn and Montez. Wait for Packer.
Rat Boy: Okay, brother.
Jax: Thank you.
Nero: Can I get a minute?
Jax: Yeah.
Chibs: See you outside.
Jax: I'll see you out there.
(Nero sighs) You okay with this Byz-lat move?
(door closes)
Nero: Drugs are a mistake. My crew-- they ain't even equipped to run that hard. But this this has got to be Fiasco's mistake, not mine. You, uh... heard anything from Gemma?
Jax: No. You?
Nero: Nothing. Yeah. So, I'm gonna head down to Norco tomorrow. Got to start trying to hook up the house for Lucius. Gonna get some ramps built and, you know, talk to some caretakers, meet them. So, I'm gonna be gone for a couple of days.
Jax: Okay.
Nero: This was good here today. You helping to settle between black and brown.
Jax: It's getting there. Hey, Nero? Why don't you take Wendy and the boys with you tomorrow?
Nero: What, to the farm?
Jax: Yeah.
Nero: I always thought Gemma would take 'em... The boys-- they're gonna love the farm. My uncle's got horses and cows and g*dd*mn goats and all kinds of animals I don't even know nothing about.
Jax: Abel will love that.
Nero: They can come down whenever they want. There's plenty of room there.
Jax: Yeah, I hope they do.
Nero: All right? So, I'll-I'll talk to Wendy and try to figure it out.
Jax: Okay. I appreciate you looking out for my boys, Nero. Means a lot to me.
Nero: Su hermano, Jackson. ÿQué no?
Jax: Yeah... my brother.
Nero: Yeah, yeah.
(distant chatter)
Juice: Hey, when are you guys cutting me loose? I've been here all night.
Guard: Shut up, or I'll strap you down.
Juice: Was I talking to your fat ass, Oprah?
Guard: Guess you want a permanent bed here, don't you, little brownie?
Guard 2: We'll handle it. Clear 'em out.
Guard: Let's go.
Juice: What the hell is this? Where they going? (door closes) Don't you need some help? Some other little bitch to hold my arms while you b*at the shit out of me? (door opens) Oh, shit.
Ryu: You know who I am?
Juice: Jackie Chan?
(Ryu grunts, Juice coughs)
(Juice laughs)
Ryu: You k*lled my boss.
Juice: That was Jackie Chan.
(Juice laughs)
Ryu: Henry Lin.
(Juice groans softly) We know it was Tully who helped you take out Lin.
Juice: I don't know anything about that.
Ryu: Hmm. What I can't understand is why, after you k*lled for your MC, they would green-light your ass, too. Yeah. AB got the go-ahead.
Juice: Guess it's a karma thing. And SAMCRO plays you again, gets you to do it for free.
Ryu: Hmm. Not quite. Jackie Chan's got another plan. But first... my brothers here-- they've been in here for a little while. They need to relieve a little stress.
(groaning)
(Juice panting)
Juice: Have at it.
(man spits)
(man grunts loudly)
Jax: Obviously, things have changed with Marks. He's gonna make bail tomorrow, but he's gonna be too hot to run your w*apon.
Connor: Yeah, he's not the only one. After your w*r on the Chinese, there's enough heat in Oakland to melt an A*F badge.
Jax: We have a solution for that. Mayans will distribute. They own the port in Stockton. You can base there. Alvarez'll be your new dealer.
Connor: Do you have any respect for me, Jax?
Jax: Of course.
Connor: Then why do you treat me like a fool? I know your beef with Lin pissed off Marks. He k*lled Bobby, and you took out his h*t squad. I also know the anonymous call that got him arrested most likely came out of Charming.
Chibs: That was club business. It had to be handled. You've been there, Con.
Connor: I have, but my organization bent over backwards to get you that volume of g*n for the big expansion. And the man that set it up is the same man who b*rned it down. Now, how do I tell that to the Kings?!
Jax: We deal g*n to organized crime. The business model changes with the street.
Connor: Well, I'm tired of this change, Jackson. I'm tired of it. I don't want anything to do with this. Roarke's in town. We'll bring it to him.
Chibs: And what's he doing here?
Hugh: Wining and dining the Port Authority.
Connor: But I can tell you this right now. The Kings won't like this. And I'm afraid your Mexican solution... Well, that ain't gonna land on its feet. Let's go.
(phone buzzing)
(door opening)
Alvarez: This is bad news, Jax.
Oso: If we don't get the g*n, means we're gonna want most of Lin's turf.
Alvarez: And that won't make Tyler very happy.
Jax: No, it won't. Let's hear what the Kings have to say. We figure it out from there, okay?
Alvarez: Aint' nothing to figure out, ése. If it's "no," you got to step back. Oakland is not your problem. We'll settle it with the Niners. You let me know.
Tig: That was TM. Chucky did it.
Jax: Good.
Chibs: If the Irish sh**t this down, two whole charters, gonna wipe out Tyler.
Jax: Yeah, I'm aware.
(traffic whooshing by)
(metallic clinking)
(Milo laughs)
Milo: Just like my ex-wife, digging for every nickel before I can even get there. (item clinks in machine) You mind?
Gemma: No.
(Milo sighs)
Milo: Get any sleep?
Gemma: Little.
Milo: Milo.
Gemma: Rose. Milo... like the dog.
Milo: Actually, Milo was the cat. Otis was the dog.
Gemma: Guess you must have kids.
Milo: Yup, four, last time I counted. You?
Gemma: No. Just me.
Milo: Ah. Solo kind of gal.
Gemma: Yeah, something like that. Where you headed?
Milo: Haul produce. Uh, Pendleton to Alameda County. I'm heading up north now to pick up some tomatoes.
Gemma: You take 97?
Milo: Sometimes, depending on the traffic.
Gemma: Think you can give me a lift?
Milo: What about your car?
Gemma: I just borrowed that. Needed to take a nap.
(sighs)
Milo: Look, I'm not looking for a roadside hummer, sweetheart.
Gemma: Yeah, well, that's good, 'cause I ain't offering one. How'd we get from kids to cocksucking that quickly?
Milo (laughing): May... Maybe I've just been on the road too long.
Gemma: Yeah, me, too. Me, too, Milo.
Milo: So, uh, what's up north?
Gemma: My dad. Just south of Klamath Falls.
Milo: Oh, so, you're not alone?
Gemma: Advanced Alzheimer's. Might as well be talking to the coat rack.
Milo: Sorry.
Gemma: It's okay. I'll know I was there.
Milo: Not that I've been staring at your rack, but, uh, open heart?
Gemma: Oh. Yeah.
Milo: I had a valve replaced myself.
Gemma: Hmm. Now, you see, Milo, two broken hearts on the road to tomatoes. (Milo laughs) That country song writes itself.
(Milo chuckles)
Milo: Well, as long as that country song isn't about a crazy cougar hijacking a truck at g*n, I'll give you that ride.
Gemma: I'm a good Christian girl. Just need to go home, see my daddy.
Milo: Yeah. Okay, Saint Rose. Let's go. You got any bags?
Gemma: Not anymore.
(Unser sighs)
Unser: What's this? Chucky told me there was a pickup. Old Volvo. Oh, shit. Really? Need four guys to take me out?
Jax: Relax. I just need to talk to you. You baited me into that punch, trying to get me off the street.
Unser: Well, guess you could tell that to the judge.
Jax: I know you feel betrayed.
(Unser chuckles)
Unser: This ain't about betrayal, son. I promised Tara I'd protect her. Help get your boys away from all this... all this shit that eventually k*lled her. I have to find out who did it. Ain't about the law, or some kind of win. I got to do it for her.
Jax: I get it.
Unser: Uh... well, then, why are you and your club feeding me nothing but smoke and lies all the time? Where's Gemma now? Why is she on the lam, huh? I'm-I'm.... I'm lost here, son. I'm lost.
Jax: I'll tell you the truth, but you have to drop these charges. I have a lot to do over the next couple days, and I can't do it with an APB on my back.
Unser: What truth?
Jax: Tara.
Unser: I'm listening.
Jax: It was Gemma. My mother k*lled my wife. I don't know why. I guess she got wind that Tara made some kind of deal. Eli and Juice were waiting outside. They heard commotion. By the time they got in the kitchen, Tara was d*ad. Gemma's covered in blood. Before Eli could call it in, Juice sh*t him.
Unser: Holy Christ. Oh.
Jax: Came up with the Chinese lie together.
Unser: Where's Gemma now?
Jax: I don't know. I've been looking for her. That's the truth. That's all I know.
(Unser sighs)
Unser: Yeah, I'm gonna... I'm gonna have to report this, son.
Jax: You know, my retaliation turned Oakland and Stockton upside down. Now, I went toe-to-toe with Lin. And then Marks. We lost Bobby, West, Colette, Diosa. I'm just about to clean that mess up. With yellow gone, black, white, brown-- we're splitting turf, settling all beefs. Means an end to bloodshed. Both in the city and in Charming.
(phone rings) I understand your need for closure. You know how much I appreciate how good you were to Tara. But the truth about her death hits the street-- everyone finds out that those bodies died on a lie-- that wound gets ripped open. I don't know where it ends.
Unser: What happens to Gemma?
Jax: If she shows up, I'll deal with her.
Unser: Deal with her how?
Chibs: Sorry, Jackie. That was Packer. He's outside Stockton.
Jax: I told you the truth. What about that APB?
Unser: I'll call Jarry.
Jax: Let's go.
(engines starting)
(cries)
Unser: Oh.
(sighs)
Brooke: It's okay.
Wendy: Jax suggested that you take us?
Nero: Yeah. I just told him I was headed to the farm, get the house ready.
Wendy: Wow. Didn't see that coming.
Nero: (chuckles) I guess all the wreckage is catching up with him. He's worried about his sons.
Wendy: Well, we all are. Have you spoken to Gemma? She didn't come by this morning.
Nero: No, haven't seen her.
Wendy: I was just wondering if Jax talked to her about Juice yet. He knows that she helped him hide from the club. He seemed pretty tweaked when he left here yesterday.
Nero: I don't think Jax cares that much about the Juice thing. Got plenty other shit on his plate.
Brooke: Hey, um, do you want me to pick up Abel today?
Wendy: No, I got him, sweetheart, thanks.
Brooke: Okay.
Wendy: Well, as much as I don't want to pull Abel out of school, I think it would be good for him to get out of here for a few days. And the animal thing sounds great.
Nero: My Uncle Benny and his girl will be there, so plenty eyes on the kids.
Wendy: All right. Let's do this. Road trip, homie. Come on.
Nero: Great. Say, uh, you mind if I check the garage? I got to borrow some tools.
Wendy: No, sure. Didn't really peg you as a handyman type.
Nero: Yeah, well, I'm all into manual labor, baby.
Wendy: Well, I'll keep that in mind next time I see you waiting in front of the Home Depot.
Nero: Don't piss me off, now, junkie girl. You'll be riding in the back of the trunk.
Wendy: Yeah, wouldn't be the first time.
Rat Boy: They're at the table, brother.
Jax: All right. Let's get this done. Sorry for keeping you waiting.
Packer: It's okay-- Quinn showed us some Red Woody rough cuts. Business is good.
Hench: Beats cranking a wrench, huh?
Jax: It has its moments. I know you've talked. And you have your recommendation. Before you deliver it, I'd like to say something.
Packer: Of course.
Jax: I was wrong. We found out from Lin, it wasn't Jury who told the Chinese about the g*n. It was Barosky.
Monroe: How'd he know where the g*n were?
Jax: He runs the port. And Barosky had so much to lose by betraying us, it didn't make sense. I guess he saw the writing on the wall with the Mayans. Looking to cash out before he gets pushed out.
Gaines: Then how could Jury have confessed to you... if he didn't do it?
Jax: Because I lied.
Packer: Shit.
(Monroe sighs)
Jax: I've been so bent around this idea of revenge. Jury was just one more thing that got in my way.
Monroe: Your guys are still claiming self-defense.
Jax: Yeah, he reached for his g*n. And maybe he was gonna k*ll me, maybe not-- I never gave him a chance to decide. I loved Jury. And I k*lled him.
Monroe: You know this means a Mayhem vote.
Packer: Jesus, Jax. I know the pain you're in because of Tara, and we all understand your need for vengeance. Maybe that fueled this mistake. But what you're saying here is out-and-out m*rder, brother.
Jax: Yeah.
Gaines: Mayhem has to land.
Jax: I know.
Hench: Does your charter? We know how much they love you. Your lineage to JT.
Packer: SAMCRO needs to know if this vote goes the wrong way, president k*lling a president-- it sends a dangerous message.
Jax: I'll make sure they vote the right way. Protect the organization. But I'm gonna need something in return. There's an unwritten bylaw been around since my old man held this gavel. I want SAMCRO to throw it out.
Montez: What's the best-case scenario?
Tig: Best case? They come around to self-defense. We compensate Indian Hills.
Rat Boy: And worst-case?
Chibs: Stop asking questions.
Packer: Yeah. You make sure that vote's unanimous... we'll honor your request.
Jax: Thank you. It's been a privilege to wear this president's flash. I'm sorry I couldn't live up to it.
(door opens)
Chibs: How'd it go?
Jax: It's all gonna work out.
Happy: Where'd they land on Jury?
Jax: I'm gonna fill everyone in later, okay? Trust me. It's gonna be fine.
Tig: Jax. That was Hugh, Connor's guy. Roarke-- he wants to meet. Import shop.
Chibs: Shit.
Jax: Okay, tell him we're on our way, okay?
Chibs: Hold on a minute. Jackie. What happened in there, Jackie?
Jax: Stop worrying. I know what I'm doing. It's gonna be all good, brother. I promise.
Chibs: (sighs) Aye. You want me to handle Roarke? I'm sure it's just gonna be a bunch of mad micks screaming in Gaelic.
Jax: Nah, it's my heat. Let's bring Tig and Hap, though, just in case.
Chibs: Want to take the van?
Jax: No. I'm riding.
Chibs: Tig, Hap.
(honking)
Gemma: Hey.
Woman: Hi.
Gemma: Uh, I'm here to see Nate Madoc.
Woman: Oh, Mr. Madoc is still out with the church group.
Gemma: What church group?
Woman: Well, we do local trips to the parish. Nate seems to really enjoy it. Your name?
Gemma: Gemma Teller.
Woman: Mm, I don't see your name here for visitation.
Gemma: I'm his daughter. I checked him into this place.
Woman: Okay, um... Let me see. Madoc. I have a Dr. Tara Knowles as his key conservator. I'm sorry, I'm-I'm gonna have to check with her.
Gemma: Yeah, well... might be difficult. She passed away a few months ago.
Woman: Oh. Uh... I don't have any change.
Gemma: Hey, look, uh... Could you just look up in his personal records? You'll see that I'm his only living relative.
Woman: All right, um, why don't you have a seat in the lounge. I'll see what I can do.
Gemma: Thank you.
(breathes deeply)
(bell clinking)
(indistinct talking)
Declan: Mr. Roarke will be with you in a minute.
Jax: If we're waiting for that, we'll find another shop.
Declan: He'll explain everything.
Tig: We should get out of here, brother.
Happy: Agreed.
Roarke: Gentlemen. Thank you for coming.
Chibs: What the hell is going on here, Roarke?
Roarke: You're not in any danger.
Jax: What happened to them?
Roarke: Connor came by to discuss your request. We had another discussion after that, went a little off plan.
Chibs: What discussion?
Roarke: We are forced to use methods of criminality to insure our ongoing fight for independence. Nature of rebellion. Means to an end. Sometimes men are tempted by money and power. And they forget what end they're serving. Casper Dougherty, Jimmy O, and now Connor Malone.
Declan: Connor was using your w*r in Oakland to drum up some new customers. Reaching out to the people Marks promised g*n to. Selling them directly. Pocketing the profits.
Jax: How'd he get the g*n?
Roarke: Rogue members who split off in Armagh. They have access to our Dungloe contacts. He's using them to get the Glocks and AKs.
Tig: So Connor took down your men.
Roarke: Yeah. And fled. Left his man behind.
Jax: So what do want from us?
Roarke: My organization cannot find out what Connor was doing. Gives people ideas.
Chibs: If he's not marked as a traitor, you can't take him out.
Roarke: That's what I need you for. Find Connor. Send him home. In a box.
Jax: Jesus Christ.
Roarke: And when you do, I'll take the proposal about your Mexican brethren to the fence, and make sure the other Kings at least give it a trial run.
Jax: I don't have a choice, do I Roarke?
Roarke: I'm afraid not, Jackson. Declan will stay in town, make sure everything goes as planned. Keep him apprised.
Chibs: (short chuckle) What about Connor's guy?
Jax: Let's keep him alive. We might need him. All right. Come on.
Tig: You know, Connor-- he could be anywhere by now.
Chibs: Yeah, but he ain't gonna be using commercial transport.
Jax: That's right, and he's gonna need cash to go underground. Give Tyler a call.
Happy: You want the Niners to start looking for him?
Jax: No. Connor doesn't know that Tyler's with us. We get him to call, tell Connor that Marks needs a shipment of g*n when he gets out and that black will give him half the money down.
Chibs: Connor shows up for a duffle full of cash.
Jax: Yeah, he will.
Happy: I'll set it up.
(phone buzzes)
Jax: Hey.
Wendy: Sorry to bother you. Um, I just got a call from your grandfather's nursing home. I guess Gemma's visiting her dad.
Jax: Really. I didn't know that.
Wendy: Yeah, well I didn't, either. It's very Gemma. But she's not answering her cell, so I have no idea when she's gonna be back.
Jax: I'll try giving her a call.
Wendy: Just wanted to make sure that it was still cool for me to go with Nero tomorrow. You know, I didn't know if you needed help at TM?
Jax: I appreciate it, but I think Chucky can handle it. You should go.
Wendy: Okay. It-It's a really good idea, Jax. Thank you.
Jax: Yeah, I'll see you later.
Wendy: Okay. Got everything you need?
Nero: More or less.
Wendy: Um, found out where Gemma is. She's visiting her dad in-in Oregon.
Nero: That was her on the phone?
Wendy: No, that was Jax. I was just making sure it was still cool to go to Norco.
Nero: You let Jax know where she is?
Wendy: Yeah, he didn't know, either.
Nero: Right. Uh, I'm gonna go over to TM. I gotta... pick up some other things that, uh, I might need.
Wendy: More tools?
Nero: Yeah. Lots to fix.
(door closes)
Nero: I need a favor.
Unser: What's going on?
Nero: I got to tell you something about Tara's m*rder. It wasn't Chinese.
Unser: I know. Jax told me about Gemma.
Nero: He did?
Unser: Yeah.
Nero: Shit. Does the sheriff know?
Unser: I haven't said anything yet.
Nero: Gemma's gone to Oregon. At her dad's. Jax knows where she's at.
Unser: Oh, shit.
Nero: If I get in between Jax and Gemma... it'll end up bad. For everyone. You got to head up there, Wayne. Arrest her or bring her in. It's the only thing that's gonna keep her alive. What? Wha... Please.
Unser: All right, all right, all right, okay. I-I'll go.
Nero: Thank you.
Unser: You still love her, don't you?
Nero: This isn't about saving Gemma. It's about saving Jax.
(engine starts)
Chucky: What's going on with Gemma-- where is she?
Unser: She's... up north. I'm going to get her.
Chucky: Let me come with you.
Unser: No, no, no. It's best if you stay here, Chucky, okay? She'll be all pissed off if she knows we left the place unsupervised. Oh, uh, and, uh, find me her dad's address. Text it to me, okay?
Chucky: Tell her I love her. Okay?
Unser: Yeah.
Tyler: So I set this meeting with Connor, you grab him, lock down the g*n for the Mayans. I guess I'm missing the part of the plan where you tell me what's in it for me.
Jax: Setting up the g*n for Alvarez helps everyone.
Tyler: Come on, man. I've been nothing but a player for you guys. I've done everything that you've asked. You know what happens when you unplug? We get swallowed up, bro. The Mayans-- they got us outmanned and g*n.
Chibs: That's not gonna happen, Tyler.
Tyler: But if it does, you won't be able to do shit about it.
Jax: What do you want?
Tyler: The same thing I wanted earlier. We got to take control on those Chinese streets. Before the Triads move in or before Alvarez changes his mind. And we got to do it in one move or else them slants gonna go underground and they're gonna regroup. I'm gonna need help pulling off that as*ault.
Jax: All right. I already told you we'd help clear 'em out. But it's gonna have to happen tonight. I need that meeting with Connor tomorrow.
Tyler: Yeah. I can do that.
Jax: All right. It's gonna be all good, brother.
Tyler: All right.
Chibs: See you later.
Jax: I need you to handle this with the Niners. I have to head up north.
Chibs: Happy's riding with you.
Jax: You're gonna need everyone. It's my family, it's my problem.
Chibs: All right.
(engines start)
Woman: Mrs. Teller. Hi.
Gemma: Hi.
Woman: Your father's back. He's in his room. Here you go.
Gemma: Oh, thank you.
Woman: Sure. So, we need to establish a new conservator. Would that be you?
Gemma: No. Wendy Case. My grandson's mother.
Woman: Okay. Well, we can get that information before you leave. Nate is in room 11. To the left of reception.
Gemma: Okay, thanks.
Woman: Sure.
Gemma: Hi, Daddy.
Nate: Hello?
Gemma: It's Gemma. Your daughter.
Nate: A-Are you with the church?
Gemma: No, I... I'm not. You remember any of your family, Nate?
Nate: Well, I... I don't-I don't see Rose anymore. Are y-- are you with the church?
Gemma: Look, I, uh... I, uh, I just-I just want to tell you something. I, um... I just want to say... I'm sorry. For all the trouble I caused you. I know I... I know I hurt you and Mommy a lot. Disappointed you. I embarrassed you.
Nate: Well... I'm not, I'm not hurt. They always send a doctor-- it's such a waste, it's...
Gemma: I've done so many bad things in my life. Caused so much pain. I didn't want that. But after a while, it was... it was just what I did. Then who I was. I loved my family. My boys. But I know that wasn't enough.
Nate: I-I had a boy. He died, I think.
Gemma: Yes. Yes, you did.
Nate: I...
Gemma: You were a good father. A good husband. I love you, Daddy.
Nate: Why are you so sad?
Gemma: No, I'm... I'm not. I... (sighs) Just nostalgic. I think.
Nate: God forgives everyone, sweetheart.
Gemma: Yeah. I hope so.
(sighs)
Nate: That's right. Uh, I-I... I don't remember your name.
Gemma: Gemma.
Nate: Gemma? Oh, she was a sweet girl. She would play in the garden for hours. (chuckles) She was the one who loved the flowers.
(muttering softly)
Gemma: Yes. She was.
Nate: Yeah.
Gemma: Bye, Daddy.
(indistinct chatter)
Juice: I need to talk to you. Alone.
Tully: What happened here?
Juice: Asian tune-up. Weren't real happy about Lin.
Tully: Must not have been too upset. You're breathing.
Juice: That's 'cause they need me. To k*ll you.
Tully: Makes sense. You do realize you lost the element of surprise.
Juice: I know Jax has tasked you with k*lling me. And if the Chinese do it, it could impact your relationship with the MC. (clacking) (metal scraping softly) Just let me finish my pie.
(rumbling)
(birds chirping)
(indistinct chatter)
Man: Hey, shithead.
(grunts)
(indistinct shouting)
(alarm wailing)
Tully (whispers): You went out good, sweetheart.
(alarm continues wailing)
(radio playing soft music)
(vehicle approaching)
(engine shuts off)
(vehicle door shuts)
(chuckles softly)
Unser: I didn't see the car. Wasn't sure if you were here or not.
Gemma: I'm here.
(grunts)
Unser: What are you doing, Gem?
Gemma: You're a smart man, Wayne. I'm sure you know the answer to that.
Unser: Mmm. I need you to come with me. Uh... back to Sanwa.
Gemma: (sniffles) I can't do that.
Unser: I know about Tara.
Gemma: I assumed you did.
Unser: Should I ask why?
Gemma: It doesn't matter anymore.
Unser: No. It doesn't. I have to arrest you, Gemma.
Gemma: Fifth grade. I wrote an essay on the importance of the Second Amendment. Got a B+. I knew even then where I was headed.
Unser: Jax is on his way. He finds you here, I don't know what happens.
Gemma: I do.
Unser: Don't make me call the local cops. Please. Let's do this quietly.
Gemma: Not really my style, sweetheart. You do what you need to do.
(door opens)
Unser: I'm arresting her, son. Taking her back to Charming.
Jax: I need to be alone with my mother.
Unser: I can't do that. I can't let that happen. I-I already called it in to the Oregon State Police.
Gemma: No, he didn't.
Jax: Get out of here, Unser.
Unser: No. Get up. Come on. Get up. Let's go. You're going with me.
Unser: What happens now, son?
Jax: This is between me and my mom.
Unser: Haven't we had enough of this? Look where we are, Jax. What we've all become. This has to end. Here.
Jax: I know. I know. Go home, Wayne.
Unser: I can't do that. This is all I got left.
(g*n)
(exhales)
Gemma: Your grandfather in World w*r II. You look like him. The eyes, mostly. Who else knows?
Jax: The club. That's it.
Gemma: You talk to Nero?
Jax: Yeah.
Gemma: He had no idea.
Jax: I know.
Gemma: He's a good man, Jax. Stay close to him.
Jax: Do you still have a copy of JT's manuscript?
Gemma: Yes. It's in the storage locker. With you and your brother's birth certificates. Death papers.
Jax: Okay.
Gemma: I loved Tara very much.
Jax: Don't.
Gemma: This is not an excuse. I'm not defending myself. I barely remember what happened that night.
Jax: But it happened.
Gemma: Yes. It did. And all the other things because of the lie. I never saw any of that coming. I know there's no apology that can touch what you're feeling, Jackson. (exhales) (sighs) I'd like to go out to the garden, if that's okay.
(insects trilling)
(insects trilling)
(shuddering inhale)
(sniffles)
(shuddering exhale)
(shuddering exhale)
Gemma: I love you, Jackson. From the deepest... purest part of my heart. You have to do this. It's who we are, sweetheart.
(Jax sniffles) It's okay. My baby boy. It's time. I'm ready.
(g*n)
(insects trilling)
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
(crying)
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
Wendy: You okay?
Jax: No.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
(Wendy moans)
♪ ♪
(panting)
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ | {"type": "series", "show": "Sons of Anarchy", "episode": "07x12 - Red Rose"} | foreverdreaming |
[General Store. The boys are shopping…]
Stan: [with am air pump] Is this what you're looking for, Kyle?
Kyle: No, I don't think so.
Kenny: [bringing a hair dryer] (How about this?)
Kyle: No, that's a hair dryer!
Manager: May I help you find something?
Kyle: Yeah. Do you have any "nurections"?
Manager: Any what?
Kyle: I need to get a nurection for my dad.
Manager: Very funny, boys. Go on, b*at it. [gestures to the exit with his thumb]
Stan: Why is that funny?
Kyle: Dude, my mom and dad keep fighting all the time. And both of them say it's because my dad doesn't have a nurection. So I want to get him one. [the boys are suddenly outside, with the door slamming shut behind them] Damn it! What the hell is wrong with everybody? [the boys walk away]
Stan: That's the fifth store we've been kicked out of. Why is it so hard to get a nurection?
Kenny: (You guys, take it seriously.)
Kyle: I just want a nurection so I can give it to my mom.
Man: [walks by with his lady] What?
Kenny: (Well, see you guys. I gotta go take the bus out of town.)
Cartman: Oh, where are you gonna go, Kenny? You gonna see your little girlfriend again?
Kenny: (Yeah, you guys. Seriously.)
Cartman: Dude, you spend way too much time with that girl. If you don't-
Kenny: (Ach) [Poof. Stan and Kyle turn. All three are left looking at a charred body]
Stan: Oh my God, they k*lled Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Cartman: What the hell happened to him?
Stan: He just… ignited.
Man: [rushing up] What happened?
Woman: [rushing up] I saw it from across the street. He just caught on f*re. [Barbrady drives up and screeches to a halt]
Offcier Barbrady: [rushes up to the boys] Okay people, stand back. Give the little burnt boy some breathing room
Blond Man: I've heard about this. This is… spontaneouos combustion. But it usually only happens to fat people near open flames.
Man 2: Is it contagious?
Woman: Am I going to spntaneously combust?
Man 3: I hope it doesn't happen to me.
Woman: This is very scary.
[City Hall, the Mayor's office. The Mayor is talking with someone.]
The Mayor: The people are panicking about spontaneous combustion. That's why I've assembled this crack team of scientists to find out the cause of the phenomenon. You are the best scientific mind South Park has to offer.
Randy: …Uuuh. Mayor, I'm a geologist.
The Mayor: Right.
Randy: Well, uh I don't study human biology, I study the earth.
The Mayor: Look, you're the only scientist that lives in this town. You have to find an answer before more people combust. You do that, and you'll be the most beloved man in South Park. [Randy begins to daydream]
[The Most Beloved Man In South Park. Hands move him over the crowd]
Crowd: Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
Man: We love you, Randy.
Woman: [rushng up] Make love to me, Randy. Please!
[returns]
Randy: Wow.
The Mayor: Marsh, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you! Find the cause of spontaneous combustion, or else!
Randy: Or else what?
The Mayor: [pounds on her desk] Exactly!
[First Church of South Park. The organ is heard as people gather for Kenny's funeral. Inside, Stan and Kyle hop up to the bier the coffin is on. Cartman tries a couple of times and finally makes it]
Stan: Dude, he looks so peaceful without his little orange coat on.
Kyle: Yeah.
[The boys hop off the bier and move to the front row for the service as Priest Maxi approaches the coffin. He opens the Bible and reads]
Priest Maxi: The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Sometimes the giveth seems a little disproportionate to the taketh. There seems to be a lot more takething going on, but there it is. Perhaps if more of you attended church on Sundays [Kevin falls asleep, Stuart reads Gazongas magazine and checks out its centerfold while his wife sniffs], the Lord would not have felt it necessary to punish us by takething this little boy…
Mr. Garrison: [to man to his left] Oh, here comes the guilt trip again.
Prisst Maxi: Now, let us pray. [all close their eyes and bow their heads] Lord, though we have lost Neil Smith to free agency and Steve Atwater to the Jets, still, we hope our beloved Broncos can bring home another Super Bowl championship, and once again bathe in the glory of your light. Amen.
All: Amen.
Priest Maxi: [raises left arm and fist] Let's go
All: Let's go
Priest Maxi: Broncos
All: Broncos
Priest Maxi: Let's go Broncos
All: Broncos, let's go! [The priest extends the fist and all rise and exit. Three men carry the coffin out]
Stan: Wow, that was short. [Priest Maxi stops them as they leave the pew]
Priest Maxi: Boys, I haven't seen you in church lately.
Kyle: Well, I'm Jewish.
Priest Maxi: You're not too Jewish to worship Jesus, are you?
Kyle: I guess not.
Priest Maxi: Good. Boys, how would you like to perform the Stations of the Cross this Friday night?
Stan: The what?
Priest Maxi: It's like a skit, where you reeanct the death and glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ.
Kyle: Hey, resurrection! That's what my dad needs!
Priest Maxi: Huh?
Kyle: We'll do it! We'll do it!
Priest Maxi: Wonderful. Here's a book on how to perform it. Don't let me down, boys. [hands it to Kyle and walks away. The cover shows two excited kids under a radiant cross]
Kyle: Dude, this is great! You know all the stations of the Cross, right, Stan?
Stan: I don't know, dude. I'm gonna have to go look in the Bible.
[Outside, some of the churchgoers are still around]
Tom: Good night, Jerry.
Jerry: See ya, Tom. Bye, Helen.
Helen: Bye, Jer- aaa! [poof. Now she combusted]
Jerry: Oh my God, another one.
Tom: Helen, no!
Jerry: What happened?
Man 5: [consoling Tom] God must be very angry with us. But why? [looks to the heavens] How have we angered you, Lord?
[Stan's house. Randy's in the basement doing preliminary work. He's working on some chemical reactions when the boys come down]
Randy: [to himself] Well, let's see. If they combust… no. Could be from the… no.
Stan: Dad, where's our Bible?
Randy: Not now, Stan. I have to find out what causes spontaneous combustion. Or else.
Stan: Or else what?
Randy: Exactly.
Stan: …What?
Randy: Right.
Stan: [after a long pause] Where's our Bible?
Randy: It's in the attic with the old LP's. [the boys start up the stairs…] Boys, did you notice anything uuuh strange about Kenny in the weeks leading up to his combustion? Ooh, what did he spend his time doing?
Kyle: He didn't do anything. He was always with his new girlfriend.
Randy: New girlfriend?
Stan: Yeah, he started seeing this girl and he spent a lot of time taking the bus to go visit her. What does that have to do with his death?
Randy: Maybe nothing… [close up] maybe everything.
Stan: …Well, we're gonna go work on getting Kyle's dad a nurection. [the boys go up the stairs and exit]
Randy: [resumes the reactions] Yes, yes, of course. I've got work to do. [the door closes] What?!
[Stan's room. Stan reads from the Stations of the Cross booklet while Kyle reads from the Bible]
Stan: Let's see: Jesus got crucified, then he died, then three days later he had his urection. Let's see, there's fourteen Stations of the Cross. Now, it says we can makes costumes out of sheets.
Kyle: This is gonna be fun.
Cartman: I'm gonna be Jesus!
Kyle: You're too fat to be Jesus!
Cartman: Oh, and like you're gonna do it, Jew?!
Kyle: Stan should be Jesus.
Cartman: Either I'm Jesus, or else, screw you guys, I'm going home! [gestures his intent.]
Kyle: You're such a fat baby!
Cartman: Well, I guess you guys can do the Stations of the Cross by yourselves. [gestures again, and again]
Kyle: All right, all right, you could be Jesus, you tubby cry-baby!
Cartman: [retorts] Stick and stones may break my bones, but I'm Jesus and you aren't.
[Back in the basement…]
Randy: All right, all right, let's try it again. Kenny was standing here. Stan, Kyle and Cartman were walking around him. [four men dressed as the boys stand before him] Now, walk. [the men move around] Do you feel hot?
"Kenny": Uh, no.
Randy: Damn it! How come you're not combusting? [throws down his clipboard]
"Stan": Come on, Randy. You said we were gonna drink beer and watch the fight.
Townsman: [rushing in with several other people] Another one! Another one combusted! [pours out the ashes for Randy to see]
Randy: No! Has she been doing anything odd?
Townsman: No, she was just on her way to her new boyfriend's house.
Randy: Boyfriend. And they said Kenny had a new girlfriend.
"Cartman": This is stupid. Screw you guys, I'm going home. [walks off]
Randy: No! I think I might have it.
[The First Church of South Park, night of Good Friday]
Priest Maxi: Well, well, well. A lot of you came to church. Looks like we're a little "nervous" about this spontaneous combustion thing, huh?
A few people: Yeah.
Priest Maxi: Well, on this blessed Friday let us give thanks for stuff, and things. [all bow their heads] Lord, is it so much to ask that you not let us suddenly burst into flame for no apparent reason? I mean, come on! Amen. [Stan and Kyle approach the pulpit, followed by Cartman] And now, some of our darling local children are going to perform the Stations of the Cross. [leaves, and Stan takes over]
Crowd: Awww.
Stan: Station One: Jesus is condemned to death by Pilate.
Kyle: Die! [hits Cartman, dress as Jesus, with a stick]
Cartman: Ow! You can do what you will, but I am the Lamb of God.
Crowd: Awww.
Someone: Phew.
Stan: Station Two: Jesus takes his cross.
Cartman: [now carrying the cross] This cross is seriously heavy. Oh man, this is totally weak.
Stan: And then Jesus' disciple, Peter, denies he knows him. [this is not part of the Stations]
Cartman: Peter!
Kyle: I don't know you, dude.
Cartman: Oh, Peter. Weak, Peter. Lame. But I'm Jesus, so I'll forgive you, I guess.
[Night, the Mayor's office. She's wearing a mud mask in bed and reading Gazongas. The phone rings]
The Mayor: Mayor.
Randy: [calling from his lab] Mayor, I have it. I found out why people spontaneously combust.
The Mayor: Why?
Randy: Uh, it's too complicated to explain over the phone. [his clipboard indicates]
Girlfriend ==> d*ad
Boyfriend ==> d*ad
Call a town meeting tomorrow.
The Mayor: Okay. If you're right about this, Marsh, you're going to be the most popular man in South Park.
[The Most Popular Man In South Park. Hands move him over the crowd]
Crowd: Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
Man: We love you, Randy.
Woman: [rushng up] Make love to me, Randy. Please!
[returns]
Randy: Wow. [hangs up the phone]
The Mayor: [hangs up the phone] Shmuck!
[At the church, Stan continues the Stations. Cartman is stripped to his underwear]
Stan: Station Eleven: Jesus is nailed to the cross. [Kyle has tied Cartman to it]
Cartman: Oh! This has gone from weak to superweak! Things cannot get any more weak for me.
Stan: [produces a crown of thorns] Then a crown of thorns was placed on Jesus's head, and Jesus was all like, "Thanks."
Cartman: Well, this sucks that I have to die, but if I die, everyone's sins will be forgiven. [Stan replaces Cartman's cap with the crown] So I guess it's cool. [Stan returns to the pulpit]
Stan: And then Jesus was lead away [Kyle leads Cartman out] to Mount Sinai, where he dies, and has a resurrurection three days later.
Cartman: [on his way out the door] Hi, mom. [Stan leaves the pulpit and the priest returns]
Priest Maxi: Thank you, boys. Blessed be the name of Jesus!
Crowd: It's a great name, isn't it? [Stan exits]
[Stan and Kyle now carry Cartman on the cross and are headed towards a hill. Kyle has the heavier end]
Kyle: Hey, that went really well. They really liked it.
Cartman: Yeah. I told you I'd be a sweet Jesus, you guys.
Kyle: Aw man, at least the real Jesus didn't weigh 400 pounds!
Cartman: Up your ass with broken glass!
Stan: This spot looks good. [they drop the foot of the cross into the spot and lift the rest of the cross upright, then leave]
Kyle: Yeah. That looks pretty good.
Stan: Okay, cool. See you, Cartman.
Cartman: Hey, wait! Where the hell are you going?! [they stop and turn]
Stan: Huh I don't know. I'm going home, I guess.
Kyle: Yeah, me too.
Cartman: Well, get me down from here!
Kyle: Cartman, how stupid are you?! Didn't you read the Bible? We have to leave you up there until you die, and then you come back to life in three days.
Cartman: What?!
Stan: Yeah, dummy, you have to get a nurection.
Kyle: Then I can give it to my dad. [both turn and leave]
Cartman: Hey, uh I don't wanna be Jesus anymore! Don't leave me here, you guys! …All right, that does it! Screw you guys, I'm going home! [looks around] Okay, I'm getting pissed now! [struggles to get loose, but doesn't get anywhere] God!
[City Hall, the next day. Stan and Kyle are present for the Mayor's announcement, along with much of the town]
The Mayor: All right, people. Scientist Marsh and I have been working very hard on the problem of spontaneous combustion, and we have finally come up with a solution. Mr. Marsh?
Randy: [approaches with a large book] The little boy combusted because he had a new girlfriend. It wasn't the girl that caused him to combust, it was the fact that Kenny did not want to pass gas in front of her. [displays a diagram of the digestive system] You see, as food is digested the natural processes give off a byproduct known as methane gas. [the next page is a diagram of the stomach, showing hoe food produces methane] The methane gathers here in the bowel area [shows the intestines, or the bowels], where it causes pressure. Normally a person would expel this byproduct in the form of a pleasant fart. [shows the colon, where the gas collects and moves out] Should the gas not be expelled, [shows the gas trapped in the bowels] the methane can build up and then ignite, [shows the bowels exploding] leading to… disaster. [shows picture of a strange woman, then closes the book] Kenny combusted because he held his farts in for too long.
Townsman: You mean, all we have to do is fart and we won't explode?
Randy: Exactly. [after a while, a fart is heard, then more farts follow as the townsfolk release their gases]
The Mayor: So, from this day forward, everyone in South Park will be required to fart on a regular basis to insure that nobody else spontaneously explodes.
Crowd: Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy! [Randy waves back gratefully]
Man: We love you, Randy.
Old Woman: [in a wheelchair] Make love to me, Randy. Please!
Stan: Whoa, dude, my dad's famous.
Kyle: Come on. Let's go see how Cartman is doing with his uh, urection.
[The boys go to the hill on which they left Cartman on the cross]
Stan: Wow, he died.
Kyle: Now we just gotta wait for his urection, and I can give it to my dad.
Cartman: [wakes up] Hey, there you guys are!
Stan: Cartman??
Cartman: You guys are in big trouble! Now get me down from here!
Kyle: How come you're not d*ad yet, Cartman?!
Cartman: You guys, I mean, seriously! Get me down!
Stan: Look, fatass: after you die and get resurrurected, you'll have all kinds of superpowers, just like Jesus.
Cartman: …Really?
Kyle: Yeah. So hurry up and die, you piece of crap! [he and Stan leave]
Cartman: [watches them leave] …When I get all my superpowers, I'm gonna use them to smote you two assholes right off the planet! [to himself] Dude, superpowers are sweet.
[The boys are back in town, and they run across Mr. Mackey]
Mr. Mackey: Hi, boys.
Stan, Kyle: [imitating him] Hi, Mr. Mackey.
Mr. Mackey: Have you guys been sure to pass gas regularly so you don't spontaneously combust?
Kyle: We know how to fart, Mr. Mackey!
Mr. Mackey: Well, let me show you, just to be sure, mkay? [moves his bowels as he hums,] Hmm, come on. Be good, now. [slaps his butt and lets loose]
Kyle: Jesus Christ! [the boys cover their noses with their jackets]
Stan: (Sick, dude!)
Mr. Mackey: I had a steak wrapped with bacon last night. [laughs]
Kyle: (Dude, I think you pooed alot.)
Mr. Mackey: So, you boys understand you have to do that regularly, oh-mkay? [laughs]
Stan: (Okay, okay, just go away!) [Mr. Mackey leaves laughing, and the boys walk on]
Kyle: God, that was not cool at all, dude!
Liane: Oh, hello boys. Have you seen Eric around anywhere?
Stan: Uh. We've been taking care of him.
Kyle: Yeah. We're having him resurrurected.
Liane: Oh, all right. I was just at the store buying some apples.
Stan: Apples?
Liane: Yes. Apples. [farts] Ahapples, get it? [the boys cover their noses again]
Stan: (Dude!)
Kyle: (Sick!)
Liane: Stinky apples. See you, boys. [leaves]
Stan: (I don't think I like this new law.)
Liane: [returns] Squeaker! [farts, then leaves]
[The boys return to City Hall to see the rest of the ceremony. The people in the crowd all have their noses covered. A covered statue stands next to Randy.]
The Mayor: And so I declare today Randy Marsh Day, where we shall remember forever how he freed us all from the thr*at of spontaneous combustion. Gentlemen? [her aides unveil a nicely muscled concrete statue of Randy]
Bearded Man: You're the best, Randy!
Randy: I am? I am, huh? I never knew the depth of my scientific genius until now.
Kyle: It's too bad Cartman can't be here to enjoy this.
Stan: Yeah.
[Back on the cross…]
Cartman: [vultures hover above him] You guys, seriously! somebody get me down from here!
Officer Barbrady: [strolling] Nur nunur nunur nunur nunur nunur-
Cartman: Officer Barbrady! [Barbrady looks up to see Cartman on the cross and says nothing for a while]
Officer Barbrady: [taps his chin] T. T is for turtle. [turns and walks away] Nur nunur nunur nunur nunur nunur…
Cartman: Ey! Help me, you son of a bitch! [to himself] Huh, I'm gonna die up here.
[The Nobel Prize Awards. Looks like the Oscars…]
Announcer: We now return to the 42nd Annual Nobel Prize Awards. Here again your host, Whoopi Goldberg. [the audience applauds]
Whoopi: [In elaborate dress and geisha hairdo] Republicans are so stupid. [the crowd laughs] I hate Republicans. [the audience laughs] Republicans are so stupid. [the audience laughs] And now, here to present the Nobel Prize for Science is Nick Nolte [fanfare. The audience applauds and Nick steps up]
Nick Nolte: Science is good. Science is very important. This year's nominees are: [the candidates are shown as their names are mentioned]
Herald R. Pinkerton, for his further development of the grand unified theory of physics.
Randy Marsh, for his formulated break-wind theory of spontaneous combustion.
And Alphonse Mephesto for his seven-assed Galapagos turtle. And the Nobel Prize goes to: [opens the envelope] Randy Marsh, for the theory of spontaneous fart things. [the audience applauds wildly]
Mephesto: [in the audience] No! No, this can't be!
Randy: [at the podium, very excited] Whoa hoho, whoa! [grabs his head] Oh wow, oh, ah, I'm the best! Yeah! Yeah! Ah, it's just so amazing to be told that you're the best. I, I thought I was just a normal person like all of you, but… Yeah! Well, thank you for showing me otherwise! Yeah! I kick ass, yeah!
Mephesto: Fixed! Fixed! That was supposed to be my award, Kevin. I'll get him for this. Mark my words.
[Back in South Park, Stan and Kyle are on Kyle's couch watching the show]
Stan: Wow, my dad's the best! All other dads suck compared to my dad!
Kyle: Hey! My dad's pretty cool, too.
[In the master bedroom Gerald and Sheila look at Gerald's penis, to see if it'll rise]
Gerald: I'm sorry, honey.
Sheila: It's okay, [picks up the phone] I'll just call some 20-year old and have him come over.
Gerald: What?!
Sheila: [hands up] I'm just kidding.
Gerald: Kidding? Well, that's not funny! That hurt my feelings!
Sheila: Why?
Gerald: Why?! [the door opens]
Sheila: Kyle. [Gerald see him, too]
Kyle: Don't worry, guys. I'm getting a nurection as we speak.
Gerald: Huh?
Kyle: Wall, actally, Cartman's getting a nurection. But then, we're gonna give it you. Sooo, buck up! [his parents just look at him. He grins and walks away]
Sheila: We have a very strange little boy, Gerald.
[Next day, Cartman on the cross. Stan and Kyle arrive to check up on Cartman]
Stan: Dude, he's still not d*ad.
Cartman: You guys, my mom is totally worried about me. You'd better let me down.
Kyle: She's not worried about you.
Cartman: Yes she is! I've been hearing her all day! Listen! Listen. [prepares for a bit of ventriloquism] Eric? Eric, where are you? I miss you very much.
Stan: That's not your mom calling!
Cartman: [still in falsetto] Yes it is, you guys. I'm serious now. This is Eric's mom and I want him home right now.
Kyle: How stupid do you think we are?! Now you die on that cross and get resurrurected befoe I kick your ass!
Cartman: You guys, it's too hot out here! I can't do this!
Stan: He is right. It has been getting really hot lately.
Kyle: Yeah, I noticed that too. Let's go get some ice-cold lemonade.
Stan: Hey, yeah! [they turn and walk away]
Cartman: Oh! God-damnit! Urh! You guys! You guys wanna hear my "I hate Stand and Kyle" song?! Ahem.
I hate Stan and Kyle
I seriously hate Stan and Kyle…
[City Hall. The Mayor and her aides are in shorts and T's]
The Mayor: My God, it's burning up in here! Can't we crank the AC up some more?
Aide 2: It's already on full.
Randy: [entering, wearing his Nobel medal] You wanted to see me, Mayor?
The Mayor: Yes, Marsh. We have a new problem, and I think only you can solve it.
Randy: I suspect you're talking about the dramatic heat wave.
The Mayor: Yes. The temperature is steadily rising every day. I want you to find out why.
Randy: Mayor, I think I'm a little overqualified for this. My scientific mind is best used on global problems.
The Mayor: All right, all right. Name your price.
Randy: Ten thousand. I have to protect my talent.
The Mayor: Done. Just find out what's happening.
Randy: Don't worry, Mayor. I'll find the cause. Or else. Or else what? Exactly. [they just look at him]
[Another night on the cross. The Last Temptation of Cartman]
Cartman: [whispering, hoping…] Hey you guys. Seriously. [Chef walks into view]
Chef: [startled] What the-? [sees Cartman on the cross with his head down] Oh, what now?!
Cartman: Chef! Chef!
Chef: [rushes up to him] Children, what the hell are you doin'?
Cartman: Just get me down from here! [Chef does] Oh, finally! My arms are k*lling me!
Chef: You children shouldn't be crucifying yourselves in this heat.
[Chef drives him into town]
Cartman: Sweet. Now, I'm gonna go k*ll those guys!
Chef: Eric, I have to tell you something, and it's really gonna bum you out.
Cartman: What?
Chef: It's really gonna piss you off.
Cartman: What?!
Chef: This is just a dream. You're still up on that cross.
Cartman: [waking up] Oh, damnit!
[Stan's house, basement. A Cheesy Poofs commercial ends as Stan comes down the steps]
Stan: Dad, where's the phone book?
Randy: Not now, Stanley. Without my scientific genius, the town is doomed. [Stan goes back up the stairs and exits. Randy mumbles] Let's see now, when exactly did the temperature start to go up?
[Jesus and Pals comes on]
Jesus: Our topic tonight is the rising temperatures in South Park. Let's go to the phones. [beep] Caller, you're on the air.
Stan: Yeah, um, Jesus, after you got crucified, how long did it take you to die and resurrect?
Randy: Stan?
Jesus: That's not the topic tonight. The topic is global warming.
Stan: Oh.
Jesus: Do you have an opinion on global warming?
Stan: Uh, it… sucks ass.
Jesus: Okay! Thank you caller. Well, let's go to our first guest, Dr. Alphonse Mephesto. [Mephesto appears and sits] Thank you for coming. You claim to know the cause of global warming in South Park.
Mephesto. I most certainly do! The cause of global warming is [brings out a picture of a man, with horns, mustache, and angry eyebrows drawn on] Randy Marsh! [Randy is stunned] It was Marsh's theory on spontaneous combustion that told everyone to fart all they want. Now all the methane from all those farts has ripped a hole in our ozone layer. We are all doomed to die!
Randy: Awww crap.
[City Hall, the next day. The town is gathered clamoring for Randy to come out.]
Townsman: Go get him!
Townsman 1: We want answers!
Townsman 2 You've k*lled us all!
Townsman 3 Someone's got to pay!
Woman: It's out of control.
[inside the Mayor's office]
The Mayor: Boy, they're really pissed.
Randy: Well, they're right. We should have known that all that methane could adversely affect the atmosphere.
The Mayor: Well, let's go talk to them. Stick by me. [turns and walks to the door. Randy follows. She shows him out and quickly closes the door]
Randy: [turns to the door] Hey!
Townsman 4: You k*lled us all!
Townsman 5: Shove that Nobel prize up your ass! [Stan and Kyle approach]
Stan: Oh my God, what's going on?
Townsman 6: Now we either hold in our farts and spontaneously combust, o-o-or we let our farts out and k*ll our entire planet. Well I, for one, am not farting anymore! [he combusts and others gasp]
Randy: Uuuh, I- I'll try to find a solution.
Townsman 7: We don't want your solutions, phony!
Townsman 8: Give me that! [rips the Nobel medallion from Randy's neck, leaving the strap] Yeah!
Townsman 9: Damn you Marsh! Get out of town!
Townsman 10: You fraud! [two of the townsmen throw the statue onto Randy, who drags it away on his back. The crowd begins to stone him]
Randy: [struggling] Mr. Garrison, help me!
Mr. Garrison: [keeping Randy at arm's length] I, I do not know you, sir.
Townsman 11: Up your-
Townsman 12: Arrn!
Kyle: [throws a stone] Yeah, take that!
Stan: Dude, that's my dad!
Kyle: …Oh, yeah. Sorry.
[News 4 Special Report]
Anchor: The spontaneous combustion problem escalates as more and more peopel go back to holding in all their farts. [a man combusts in front of his wife and child as he deposits a letter in a mailbox. A milk delivery man combusts after setting down a four-pack of milk. A boy combusts as he rides a bicycle] Meanwhile, the ozone layer continues to deplete as others refuse to hold in their farts for fear of combustion. As we all know, the cause for all of this is Randy Marsh, the son of a bitch who calls himself a scientist. We caught up with Mr. Marsh earlier today and he had this to say:
Randy: Ije, I I don't know what to say.
Anchor: What an assh*le! I hate that guy, and so do you. And now, on to the weather. It's f*cking hot, thanks to Randy Marsh, son of a bitch!
[Everyone has gone to the Marsh house. Stan and Kyle look out from the living room window as the crowd clamors outside with torches. A man knocks down the trashcan next to the garage.]
Kyle: Dude, those people are pissed!
Stan: I know, huh?
Kyle: Where's your dad?
Stan: He's hiding down in the basement. I I don't know what to do.
Kyle: Well, you have to help him, just like I have to help my dad.
[Cartman is still on the cross]
[Gerald's law firm. The sign reads "Brovlofski & Jackson," so he's got a partner. Gerald sits at his desk looking over papers]
Radio Talk Show Host: Still more up next from the heat wave caused by Randy Marsh. A giant glacier is melting above South Park and the entire town is doomed. And now, these messages.
Bob Dole: Having a hard time with male potency? [Gerald sits up and listens] Well, I don't, and I'm Bob Dole. What's wrong with you? Christ, I'm Bob Dole and I can get it up. [upset, he turns off the radio. The door opens and three prost*tute enter]
Blonde: Are you a lawyer?
Gerald: Yes.
Blonde: We want to sue Randy Marsh.
Gerald: Why?
Blonde: He gave us skin cancer.
Brunette: Yeah. He put the hole in the ozone, and now we have skin cancer all over our hot bodies. Look. [she takes off her clothes and stands before Gerald dressed in thong panties. The other do the same, and he is in shock]
[The Marsh house. Stan and Kyle go to the basement. Randy cowers in a corner wrapped in a blanket]
Stan: What are you doing, dad?
Randy: Stanley, I think its best you live with Kyle from now on. His dad is better than me.
Stan: No, he's not! He can't even get a nurection!
Randy: Hm. Really?
Stan: Dad, you've got to work! People are dying, dad. You've got to come up with a solution!
Randy: Not me. I'm not a scientist, I'm a hack. Even if I found a solution, those people would still all hate me.
Stan: Well, that doesn't matter! I learned something from the Stations of the Cross.
Randy: What?
Stan: See, at first, Jesus was all like, "Why me?" And he was all pissed off and stuff. But then he saw that what mattered most was everybody else. So he stopped thinking about his own misery, and did what had to be done. Right as Jesus was dying, [performs a Vulcan greeting] he raised his hand and said, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."
Randy: You're right, Stanley. You're absolutely right. [gets up and the boys go to the stairs] Hey, that Bible sounds like kind of a good book.
Stan: It ain't bad. You should try reading it sometime. [Randy returns to his work]
Kyle: Dude, that was Star Trek again.
Stan: Huh?
Kyle: "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few?" That was Wrath of Khan.
Stan: Uh, well, Bible, Wrath of Khan, what's the difference?
Randy: All right. Now, let's get to work.
You And Me, Girl [Intro. Randy mixes some chemicals, then writes some formulas on the chalkboard]
[Randy explains the hold in the ozone layer] I've been telling everybody that you're my girl,
[Randy set off a reacion that boils over] Cause I'm not one to be shy.
[Randy looks into a microscope] You don't have to go with me if you don't want to, just
[the boys approve] Tell everybody I'm your guy
[Monster Sharon chases Randy and the boys all over the house] You and me, girl, it's forever
Sha la la la la laaa
I've been telling everybody that you're my girl,
Cause I'm not one to be shy.
[Randy and the boys as a band] I've been telling everybody that you're my girl,
Cause I'm not one to be shy.
[Randy and the boys in hearts on moiré] You don't have to go with me if you don't want to, just
Tell everybody I'm your guy
[Randy and the boys floating up through clouds] You and me, girl, it's forever
Sha la la la la laaa
[Monster Sharon joins the band] You and me, girl, forever and ever
You and me, girl, forever and ever
You and me, girl, forever and ever [fade. Randy's humming]
Stan: Dad. Dad! [Randy slowly comes out of his daydream]
Randy: Wow!
Stan: Dad, what are you doin?! You have to get started!
Randy: [looks at Stan] …Right, right right.
[The Broflovski house. Kyle watches TV and Ike plays on the floor. The front door opens]
Gerald: Kyle, where's your mother?
Kyle: She's upstairs.
Gerald: Well, I have something to give to her! [runs by with a big erection in his pants] Don't worry, Kyle. Everything's gonna be okay between me and your mom.
Kyle: Really? Great! I don't have to worry about that anymore. [Ike hops onto the armchair next to Kyle]
[Another night on the cross]
Cartman: Hello-o.
[The Marsh house. The crowd is still clamoring outside]
Townsman 13: Look! There he is!
Townsman 14: Get him!
Randy: Uh. Please, everyone- [the crowd closes in and stones him]
Townsman 15: You're a d*ad man, Marsh!
Randy: [shielding himself from the stones] Please, just listen to me. I think I found the answer.
Townsman 16: [to Townsman 15] Could I borrow one of your rocks?
Randy: It's all about moderation. If you never fart, you combust, but if you always fart, you deplete the ozone. So we must fart only at appropriate times or when it's really, really funny.
Townsman 17: Huh? [the people hold their f*re]
Randy: I know you all hate me, but please, for your own sake, fart in moderation. You can keep stoning me now, if you want. [most of the people drop their rocks, and Stan smiles through the window. A man throws one last rock] Ow.
[City Hall, three weeks later]
The Mayor: And so we salute Randy Marsh and his unified theory of moderation that has saved us all. [the Nobel medallion has been repaired and is back around Randy's neck.]
Stan: [to Kyle] See? My dad is the coolest after all.
Kyle: Well, my dad is, too.
Stan: Cartman!
Kyle: I forgot all about him. [they leave]
[The boys are not at the foot of the cross.]
Stan: He's been up there for like, three weeks.
Kyle: Wow!
Stan: That's amazing!
Cartman: [in a slight falsetto] Hey you guys, I am really pissed off now.
Kyle: Dude! You're stil alive, Cartman?
Cartman: Get me down from here!
Stan: Dude, you survived all this time on the fat stored up in your body?
Cartman: Yes. And when I get down from here, I'm gonna kick you both right in the nuts.
[End of Spontaneous Combustion. "You and Me, Girl" plays.] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x02 - Spontaneous Combustion"} | foreverdreaming |
[The optometrist's office. A penguin sits above the OPTOMETRIST sign. Liane and Cartman are waiting in the lobby. Liane reads a magazine. A poster off to one side reads "Real eyes the beauty within."]
Cartman: Mom, please can we just leave?
Liane: You have to see the eye doctor, Eric.
Cartman: But I hate the eye doctor. He always makes fun of me for being fat.
Liane: You're not fat, you're big-boned.
Cartman: That's what I told him, but he doesn't listen to reason.
Doctor's assistant: [at the door, flatly] Eric Cartman. [a poster behind her looks like her]
Cartman: [enters the examination room] Weak. [the assistant follows him in to close the door.]
[Inside, Cartman stops]
Optometrist: Hello, Eric.
Cartman: [resigned] Hi, Dr. Lott
Dr. Lott: How's my little piggy today?
Cartman: [points his finger at him] Ey! Don't call me a little piggy!
Dr. Lott: I just say that because you're my little buddy.
Cartman: I'm just here for an eye exam, all right?! Keep the fat jokes to yourself!
Dr. Lott: Hop up on the chair. [Cartman hope up] Don't break it now!
Cartman: [turns around and sits] God damn it!
Dr. Lott: Just kidding. Let's see how your eyes are doing. [lowering a refractor to Cartman's eyes] All you have to do is read the letters. Can you see the letters?
Cartman: Yes.
Dr. Lott: All right, read them out for me.
Cartman: I am a little piggy.
Ey! [the optometrist laughs. Cartman stands up on the chair and pushes the refractor away.] That does it! Mom!
Dr. Lott: No no. That, that was just a weird coincidence. [voice fades as he removes the card from the refractor] I do not know how that happened. [reads the card] "I am a little piggy." Wow! What are the odds of that? [throws it away] All right, let's get down to business, shall we? [places the refractor back on Cartman's face.]
Cartman: Oh gee! That's a good idea! My mom isn't paying you to be a comedian!
Dr. Lott: [begins to calibrate] Hmm, let's see, which is better: one, or two? One, or two?
Cartman: They look exactly the same.
Dr. Lott: Just pick one. Or two.
Cartman: I don't know, two!
Dr. Lott: [flips between two women] Okay. One, or two? One, or two?
Cartman: Uh, one.
Dr. Lott: [flips between an apple and a tall slice of chocolate cake] One, or two? One, or two?
Cartman: [chooses the cake] Two.
Dr. Lott: No! The answer is one, piggy! One! [hits Cartman through the refractor]
Cartman: Ow! I hate you!
Dr. Lott: [removes the refractor] Yes, there is obviously a problem with your eyes. I am gonna have to dilate them and run some tests.
[Lunchtime at the school cafeteria. Stan, Kyle and Kenny stand in line to get their lunches]
Kyle: I wonder how come Cartman's not in school today?
Stan: Yeah. Usually when he ditches school, he still shows up for lunch.
Kenny: {Maybe he took a dump and got sick.} [the others laugh]
Kyle: Yeah. [sees Cartman] Oh, here he comes.
Cartman: [with very dilated pupils] Hey dudes.
Stan: [squints hard for a better look] Whoa, what happened to your eyes, Cartman? [Kyle blinks hard]
Cartman: My assh*le eye doctor made them all dilevated.
Kyle: Why?
Cartman: Why? I'll tell you why! Because he's a God-damned assh*le, aaand, that's about it!
Stan: Why do you have to see an eye doctor?
Cartman: Because my eyes suck. But that doctor likes to t*rture me and I have to go back tomorrow, and I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Kyle: Dude, just ask Chef for help. He always knows what to do.
Cartman: Hey, yeah! [The four enter the kitchen, but Cartman runs into the entrance and falls on his way in.] Ow!
[The kitchen. The boys approach the lunch counter]
The Boys: Hey Chef!
White Chef: [wearing a hair net and cook's cap] Hello there, children.
Cartman: [rubs his eyes] Dude, my eyes are seriously screwed up. Chef looks like a skinny little white guy.
White Chef: It's time for lunch-e-roo
Stan: Where's Chef?
White Chef: Chef quit.
The Boys: What?!
White Chef: Chef is gone. So let my introduce myself. I'm your new cook, Mr. Durp. [ta-daaa!]
Kyle: Mr. Durp?
Mr. Durp: When I'm in the kitchen, you never know what nutty things are gonna happen. If you like Chef, you're gonna love Mr. Durp. [ta-daaa! Mr. Durp hits himself with a hammer and toddles] Ooo! Durp! [falls to the floor, then gets up] Durp! O-hoh wasn't that silly kids? [laughs, but the boys aren't impressed]
Stan: Why did Chef quit?
Mr. Durp: Aren't I a great character? My antics go right to the funny bone. [takes out a tiny cannon and sh**t himself with it. His face is full of g*n] Oh, I don't feel so good. [laughs] Durp!
Stan: [after a moment of silence] Could you just hand us some food please?
Mr. Durp: Sure g*ng! I have yellow stuff or white stuff, huh. Durp!
Cartman: Can I have the yellow with a side of white?
[the boys reenter the cafeteria with their lunches]
Kyle: Dude! I hate Mr. Durp!
Stan: Yeah, we gotta talk to Chef after school and get him to come back.
Cartman: I don't know, you guys. That hammer thing was pretty funny. [chuckles]
Kyle: [looks back] Shut up, Cartman!
[Chef's house. The boys reach the front door]
Cartman: [runs into the door] Ow!
Chef: [wrapped in a lavender towel, opens the door] Oh! Hello there, children!
Stan: Chef, what the hell are you doing? We almost starved to death at lunch today.
Chef: Oh! Didn't they tell you? I quit.
Kyle: Yeah, but we didn't believe them.
Chef: Well, it's true.
Stan: But why? Why would you quit?
Chef: Children, three nights ago I was at the library checking out some books on kama sutra when I met the most amazing woman ever. She knew so much about so many things. She really got me thinking. We eventually came back to my place and really h*t it off.
Stan: So you made sweet love to her down by the f*re.
Chef: No no, we just sat there all night long and… taaalked
Stan: Talked?!
Chef: Yeah. She told me all about the powers of goddess, and how men have been oppressing women for years and viewing them as sexual objects, and I realized that I had done that myself.
Woman: [walks up and looks out] Oh! What darling little children.
Chef: Here she is now. Children, meet my new girlfriend, Veronica.
Stan: [ignoring that statement] That's nice. Look Chef, Cartman's got this eye doctor, see, and he- Girlfriend?!
Chef: Children, Veronica is moving in with me.
Kyle: Moving in?!
Chef: I'm in love.
Boys: Love?!
Veronica: Oh, you knight. [cuddles Chef]
Stan: What the hell is going on?!
Chef: Veronica spent the whole day sharing her favorite poems with me.
Veronica: [teasing] Sorry boys, looks like I'm stealing Chef away from you.
Kyle: But Chef always helps us with our problems. When we have a problem, Chef sings to us and makes it better.
Chef: Well, I can still do that, children. In fact, Veronica can help me. She's a great singer, too.
Veronica: What's the problem?
Cartman: My eyes are going bad, but the only eye doctor in South Park is really, really mean.
Veronica: Oh, I know just the song for you. [reaches behind the door and pulls out a guitar. She starts to play it]
There's got to be a morning after
if we can hold on to the night
[the boys are shocked, and Kenny pulls his hood tight]
Chef: [blandly] We have a chance to find the sunshine.
Chef, Veronica: Let's keep on looking for the light.
Kyle: This… is insane. ["Oh, can't you see the-"]
[On the sidewalk. The boys walk away from Chef's house]
Kyle: That bitch!
Stan: She's stealing Chef from us.
Kyle: He didn't even seem like Chef. He seemed like a empty shell of a man.
Cartman: Maybe it's just a phase. We just have to get him alone so we can tell him what a bitch she is.
Stan: Wait you guys. [pensive] Maybe, is it possible that we're just jealous because Chef is our friend, and now he's paying attention to somebody new? [the others think about it…]
Kyle: Yeah, so?
Stan: …Yeah, screw that bitch.
Cartman: Bitch, I hate that bitch!
Kyle: Look, we've just gotta get Chef alone. He won't listen to reason with that hooker around.
Stan: Let's find out where he's working and go see him there tomorrow.
Kyle: Good idea.
[The optometrist's office. Dr. Lott sits in the examination room holding a clipboard]
Dr. Lott: All right, we got the test results back, piggy-
Cartman: [sits on the chair, his pupils normal again] Stop calling me piggy!
Dr. Lott: You've got a small astigmatism that's causing all the problems.
Cartman: So, what does that mean?
Dr. Lott: It means, piggy, that your eyesight is never going to get better.
Cartman: [seething] All right. Right now, I'm gonna be totally serious, dude. Okay? If you call me piggy one more time, I'm gonna leap out of this chair [throws a fit] and rip your god-damned nuts off with my bare hands!
Dr. Lott: Well, don't worry. I've got something that's going to make your eyes as good as new. [puts a pair of blocky glasses on Cartman]
Cartman: [after seeing how they look and fit] Oh, dude! Super weak! I'm not wearing these; the guys would totally rip on me.
Dr. Lott: I know, the hardest thing to do is get kids to wear their glasses.
Cartman: I'm just gonna take them off as soon as I leave!
Dr. Lott: That's why we have the little stapler. [takes it out and starts stapling the glasses to Cartman's head]
Cartman: Ow! Son of a bitch!
[The streets of South Park. The boys, without Cartman, are in the business district looking…]
Kyle: They said that Chef works in one of these buildings [the boys run into Cartman in front of Steinburg & Burgstein Accounting.]
Cartman: Hey dudes. [the others study him, then laugh. Cartman's hurt, but jabs] Ha ha ha ha! Look at Cartman and his stupid glasses! Ha ha ha ha!
Kyle: Dude! Just take them off!
Cartman: I can't! They're stapled to my head! [they study him again, then laugh harder.] I hate you guys.
[Inside. The boys enter and see the receptionist]
Receptionist: Hello and welcome to Steinburg & Burgstein. Can I help you?
Stan: We wanna talk to Chef.
Receptionist: Chef?
Kyle: He's a big guy, with a beard.
Stan: And a chef hat.
Kenny: {And a real huge dick.}
Receptionist: Oh! The black guy!
Stan: Huh?
Receptionist: Third cubicle on the left [directs them to the work area, where Chef's hat can be seen, but stops Cartman] Hey! Aren't you that cute little kid from Jerry Maguire?
Cartman: [dismissively] Uh, yeah, sure sure.
Receptionist: Wow! You really got fat.
Cartman: Ey!
[The boys reach Chef's cubicle]
Chef: Hello there, children.
Kids: Hey, Chef.
Chef: Eric, you got glasses!
Stan: Chef, you have to dump the bitch!
Chef: Huh?
Kyle: We need you, Chef.
Man: [pops up from another cubicle] Hey, Chef-o, we're gonna run down to the office supply store and get some leather holders for our pagers, you wanna come?
Chef: You bet! [the guy grins]
Kyle: Chef, this place isn't you!
Chef: Children, Veronica showed me that I've been living a very empty life. Meaningless sex is fun for twenty or thirty years, but after that, it starts to get old.
Stan: But we don't like her.
Chef: Why not??
Stan: I don't know-uh. No reason I guess.
Chef: Children, friends get girlfriends all the time. It's something even you will have to face with each other some day.
Kyle: No way, dude!
Cartman: Please, Chef! I don't know what to do about my stupid glasses.
Chef: That's easy! Get some laser corrective surgery. That's what I did.
Cartman: Hey! Laser corrective surgery! Thanks Chef!
Chef: You see? Everything's gonna be fine. Now how about I meet you boys after work and we can play ball?
Kids: Okay!
[The bus stop. The boys wait for Chef. Cartman carries a bat in his right hand and a baseball in his left]
Kyle: Chef should be here any minute.
[The day passes into night, and Kenny falls asleep. Rats gather and nibble on him. The others stand watch waiting for Chef, but there's no sign of him. The night turns to day, and still no Chef. Kenny wakes up…]
Stan: [pissed] Dude! He bailed on us!
Kyle: [pissed] I can't believe it!
Stan: Come on! We're going to his house! [they leave the bus stop]
[Chef's house, inside. There's a knock on the door and Chef answers. The boys stand outside, angry.]
Chef: Oh! Uh, hello there, children.
Kyle: All right, mister! You better have a good explanation for why you didn't show up to play ball!
Chef: Oh, children, I'm sorry. I forgot.
Stan: [sarcastic] You forgot!
Chef: Veronica surprised me at the office and took me out to dinner. [dreamy] She's so amazing.
Kyle: Well, we've got something to tell you about Veronica, Chef!
Veronica: [appears behind Chef] Hello, children!
Cartman: Ma'am, we're having a dude moment here, if you don't mind?
Chef: Children, I've got some great news for you. Veronica and I are getting married. [a dramatic riff signals the boys' alarm]
Stan: Oh no! No nononononono!
Chef: My whole family's coming here for the wedding, and I want you boys to come, too.
Veronica: This is so wonderful! Let's sing! [gets the guitar]
There's got to be a morning after.
Chef: [blandly] If we can hold on through the night.
[the boys are truly shocked] We have a chance to find the sunshine.
[South Park Elementary, Mr. Garrison's class]
Mr. Garrison: And that, children, is what you need to know about The Facts Of Life. So, let's review. [writes a diagram on the board] Tootie left in the fourth season, but Blair and Jo stayed on and got husbands, leaving the fifth and sixth seasons hideously stagnant. [the bell rings] Okay children, that's lunch. See you in thirty minutes. [the class leaves, but the boys walk up to Garrison]
Kyle: Mr. Garrison, can we talk to you?
Mr. Garrison: Sure.
Stan: Normally we go to Chef with our problems, but wuh we can't this time.
Mr. Garrison: [asserting himself] Well children, I am your teacher. I think you'll find that my advice is just as valuable as Chef's, if not more so.
Kyle: All right. Mr. Garrison, have you ever had a friend who got a new girlfriend, and then stopped being your friend, and it pissed you off?
Mr. Garrison: Oh, the old succubus syndrome.
Stan: What's a succubus?
Mr. Garrison: A succubus is a woman sent from Hell to suck the life out of a man.
Kyle: That's it!
Stan: Yeah!
Mr. Garrison: Yeah, there's not much you can do about a succubus. Their evil power makes man blind to love.
Kyle: This is totally what's happening!
Stan: Wow, you are smart, Mr. Garrison!
Mr. Garrison: Yeah, I tell you boys, women can k*ll. Poontang's expensive. That's why when it comes to chicks, I just screw them and leave them. I'd say "get out of my bedroom, poontang, before you suck my life dry!"
Kyle: Thanks, Mr. Garrison.
Mr. Garrison: Sure, kids. [the boys leave the classroom]
Mr. Hat: You're not fooling anyone!
Mr. Garrison: Shut your hole, Mr. Hat!
[South Park business district. The boys head back to Steinburg and Burgstein]
Kyle: Come on guys! We gotta go tell Chef he's in love with a succubus.
Stan: Yeah! He's gonna be so thankful we told him. [a small station wagon pulls up, driven by Cartman's mom]
Liane: There you are, Eric! Come on, we have to go to the eye doctor.
Cartman: Oh, no!
Liane: Come on. Do you want your laser corrective surgery or not?
Cartman: Yes, but can't we wait until tomorrow.
Liane: Now, hon.
Cartman: But mo-om! I have to tell Chef that he's marrying a succubuuus!
[Chef's house. People are milling around outside as Stan, Kyle, and Kenny arrive. Stan rings the doorbell, and an elderly gray-haird man answers]
Chef's dad: Hello there, children.
Stan: Who are you?
Chef's dad: I'm Chef's father. We just flew in for the wedding.
Kyle: Oh, hi. Is Chef here? We have to talk to him.
Chef's dad: Well, come on in. [they enter]
[Once inside, Chef's dad closes the door]
Kyle: There he is! [rushes in]
[The fitting room. Chef's dad shows them in, then leaves. A tailor takes Chef's measurements for the pants as Vernoica walks by. Chef is wearing the finished coat and shirt.]
Stan: Chef, we have to talk to you!
Chef: Who? Not now, children! I gotta get fitted for my britches! Be right back. [hurries away. Stan's head drops, then the boys walk away.]
[The living room. The boys reach the sofa and hop up to sit on it. Chef's parents sit across from them on the love seat. An uneasy silence follows]
Chef's dad: Well, aren't you crackers just cute as the dickens?
Stan: You're Chef's parents?
Chef's mom: Yes, all his life.
Kyle: We have to talk to him!
Chef's dad: Well, he should be out now directly.
Chef's mom: Oh, he's so excited about the wedding now.
Chef's dad: Say, would you crackers like to hear about the time we saw the Loch Ness monster?
Stan: No, that's okay.
Chef's dad: Ooh, it must've been about seven, eight years ago. Me and the little lady was out on this boat, you see, all alone at night, when all of a sudden this huge creature, this giant crustacean from the paleolithic era, comes out of the water.
Chef's mom: We was so scared, Lord have mercy, I jumped up in the boat and I said "Thomas, what on earth is that creature?!"
Thomas: It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes,-
Chef's mom: Oh, it was so scary!
Thomas: -and I yelled. I said, "What do you want from us, monster?!" And the monster bent down and said, "…Uh I need about tree-fitty." [a long silence follows]
Kyle: What's tree-fitty?
Thomas: Three dollars and fifty cents.
Chef's mom: Tree-fitty.
Stan: He wanted money?
Thomas: That's right. I said "I ain't giving you no tree-fitty you g*dd*mn Loch Ness monster! Get your own g*dd*mn money!"
Chef's mom: I gave him a dollar.
Thomas: She gave him a dollar.
Chef's mom: I thought he'd go away if I gave him a dollar.
Thomas: Well of course he's not gonna go away, Nellie! You gave him a dollar, he's gonna assume you got more!
[The optometrist's office. Cartman is on the examination chair flanked by a nurse on each side. He is wearing a breathing mask. Dr. Lott noves around him]
Dr. Lott: Okay, let's get started. You're here for the liposuction, right? [the nurses giggle]
Cartman: Hey! You son of a bitch!
Dr. Lott: All right. Time to laser me a little piggy. [the nurses giggle]
Cartman: Ey! You son of a bitch! I'm gonna kick you square in the nuh- [Dr. Lott turns up the sleeping gas] I'm gonyanya, uhnyuh, uhnyuuh, nyaahh [the gas knocks him out]
Dr. Lott: I bet his mom wishes she could do that.
[Chef's house. Thomas is still telling the story…]
Thomas: And that was the third time we saw the Loch Ness monster. Then one time, I believe it was July-
Nellie: August.
Thomas: -August. There's a knock on the door. I open it, and there's this cute little girl scout-
Nellie: And she was so adorable, with the little pig tails and all.
Thomas: -And she says to me, "How would you like to buy some cookies?" And I said "Well, what kind do you have?" She had thin mints, graham crunchy things-
Nellie: Raisin oatmeal.
Thomas: -Raisin oatmeal, and I said "We'll take a graham crunch. How much will that be?" And she looks at me and she says, "…Uh I need about tree-fitty."
Nellie: …Tree-fitty.
Thomas: Well, it was about that time that I notice that girl scout was about eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era.
Nellie: The Loch Ness monster.
Thomas: I said, "Dammit monster! Get off my lawn! I ain't giving you no tree-fitty!" It said, "how about just two-fitty?" I said, "Oh, now it's only two-fitty!! What?! Is there a sale on Loch Ness munchies or something?!"
Nellie: Lord, he was angry.
Thomas: Damn right, I was angry!
Nellie: Not you, the monster. He was about to kick your ass.
Thomas: Aah, shut your mouth, woman!
Stan: Uh, could you just tell Chef we were here?
Thomas: Sure. That crazy old monster [Stan, Kyle, and Kenny walk out] Now, then the fourth time I saw the…
[Cartman's room. Cartman is in bed recovering from the laser corrective surgery on his eyes. Patches cover his eyes and are taped to his face. There's a knock on his door, and the boys enter]
Stan: [disappointed] Cartman, what the hell are you doing?!
Cartman: That assh*le eye doctor screwed up my laser surgery; I have to wear these bandages for three days!
Stan: Damn, your eyes must really suck, Cartman.
Cartman: Oh, thanks for the news flash, Tom Brokaw! What happened with Chef? Did you tell him she's a succubus?
Stan: Well, we couldn't even talk to him. She's so evil. She has him totally kept away from us.
Liane: [entering] Eric, you have a little visitor. Is that all right? [the others face her]
Cartman: Okay. [Liane leaves, and Veronica soon enters]
Veronica: Hello, boys. I heard Eric had laser surgery, so I made him a pie.
Cartman: Aaah! It's the succubus! [looks in her direction as the others jump, and Kenny pulls his hood tight]
Veronica: Huh?
Stan: We know what you are, lady!
Kyle: Yeah! You're a blood-thirsty succubus!
Veronica: A what?
Stan: A demon from Hell sent to suck the life out of men!
Veronica: [sweetly] Boys, you know how silly that sounds, don't you?
Kyle: Well, you are taking Chef from us. [Kenny has loosened his hood]
Veronica: [sets the pie down on the floor] Boys, come here. I want to explain this to you. I know Chef is your friend, but Chef is a grown man. He has needs you boys can't fulfill. He wants a life with me because I make him happy. Do you understand?
Stan: I guess
Veronica: Good. Oh and boys. Just one more thing. I'm going to marry Chef tomorrow, [her face becomes that of a demon's, with blood-red eyes and sharp teeth, and her voice grows sinister] And there's not a God-damned thing you can do about it! [laughs evilly. Stan and Kyle jump and scream, and Kenny pulls his hood tight again. Her face resets itself] Toodle-oo! [leaves]
Stan: Jesus dude! [the boys are trembling, and Kenny keeps that hood tight]
Cartman: What? What happened?
[King Jimmy's Buffet. A banner spans the front of the restaurant, saying, "Clsoed for Wedding Rehearsal Dinner Party." Chef, his family, Veronica, and other guests are present. Soft jazz plays in the background.]
Thomas: Could I have your attention please? [the guests quiet down and the music stops] Tomorrow, my son is gonna get married to a beautiful lady. [sniffles] I'm very happy for them both. [sobs] Ooh there I go! I told myself I wasn't gonna cry, now.
Chef: It's okay, pop.
Nellie: Thomas, you're gonna get me going now. [sobs]
Thomas: Oh, I remember when Chef was just a three-year-old little man. He came running up to me with a big smile and his little chef's hat on, and he said, "Poppa, poppa!" I said "What do you need, Chef, my boy?", and he said, "…I need about tree-fitty."
Nellie: …Tree-fitty.
Thomas: Well, it was about that time I got suspicious. I said, "Chef, why do you need tree-fitty?" He said, "My imaginary friend Goo-Goo the dinosaur wants it." I went to my son's room, and sure enough, there was the Loch Ness monster!
Nellie: Oh, it was scary!
Thomas: I said, "Dammit monster! You stop bugging my children now! We work for our money in this house and we don't give money away!"
[the door opens, and the boys enter]
Stan: Excuse me! [the boys stop at the register] We're sorry to interrupt, but we've got bad news. [the boys approach the head table]
Kyle: [pointing to Veronica] This is not a woman! It is a succubus!
Chef: What?!
Stan: Yeah! She's evil and wants to suck Chef's life out of him
Veronica: [hurt] Children! That hurts my feelings.
Kyle: [unmoved] Oh, you can pretend all you want! You're not fooling anybody!
Chef: All right guys! That's enough! I have had it with you! This is the happiest time of my life, and you can't be happy for me!
Stan: Chef, but-
Chef: No buts, Stan! [Veronica starts crying, and he cradles her] I love this woman, and I am marrying her! Now you can either accept that, or get out of my life! Now if you'll excuse us, we're having a party. [the boys exit]
Thomas: So I chased the monster down the street, you see…
[Outside, the boys walk away from the restaurant]
Kyle: I guess there's nothing we can do. Chef likes her more than us.
Stan: No! I'm not willing to give up! Chef wouldn't give up on us!
[Cartman's room, morning. Cartman is in bed with patches over his eyes. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are reading books on demonology]
Stan: Oh man! There's tons of stuff on succubuses, but nothing on how to stop them.
Cartman: You guys, it's six in the morning, I have to get some sleep.
Stan: Dude! Chef's wedding is in three hours. We've got that much time to find out how to destroy a Succubus.
Cartman: You know what?! Screw Chef! There, I said it! Screw him! Let him marry a succubus! I wanna go to sleep. [rolls over]
Kyle: Here! Here! Look at this. It says "The succubus enchants its victim with an eerie melody. This is the Succubi power. Only playing this melody backwards can vanquish the succubus power."
Stan: What the hell does that mean?
Kyle: I don't know.
Kenny: [closes his book and expounds] (Hey, you guys! You guys, I think I know precisely what it's saying. It says that we've gotta go and find a pile of records and get the one that has the entire lyrics, and then we gotta get into learning to rearrange them.)
Stan: Right.
Kenny: (And then we gotta go down and get a piece of paper and write down each one of the words we sang on the tape deck. And then, sing it back again!)
Stan: Yeah?
Kenny: (That's what that means!)
Stan: Oh-hoho!
Kyle: Hey yeah! What's that song she always sings? There's got to be a morning after.
Cartman: [picks up] If we can hold on to the night.
We've got to find our way together…
Stan: That's it! We gotta learn that song backwards.
Kyle: [doubting] In three hours.
[First Church of South Park. A banner above the lower cross reads "Congratulations Chef and Veronica." People are streaming in for the wedding]
Kyle: Ah man! I can't keep my eyes open. [Cartman is nodding off, too]
Stan: We can't fall asleep. We gotta nail that song. [turns to Cartman] You got the tape recorder, Cartman? Cartman?? [taps him]
Kyle: He's asleep. Wake up fatass!
Cartman: [rattled] What what what?
Stan: God-damnit! You can't fall asleep.
Cartman: I wasn't sleeping, I was just thinking really hard!
Thomas: [telling his tale to Randy and Sharon] …And then these aliens had me up on their ship, right? They was probing me and all that.
Nellie: We had taco salad that night.
Thomas: Don't matter what we had for dinner woman! Now this alien had a big head and big black eyes, and it was all bent over me. I said, "What do you want from me, alien?!" and do you know what he said?
Nellie: Tree-fitty.
Thomas: Uh. Let me tell the damn story now! He said, "tree-fitty." And so I realized I that it wasn't no alien, it was that God-damned Loch Ness monster again, trying to trick me into giving him tree-fitty by dressing up like an alien. Don't that just b*at all?!
Nellie: I had just given him tree-fitty the week before.
Thomas: What?! You gave that monster another damn tree-fitty?!
Nellie: [somewhat defensive] He tricked me.
Thomas: Well no wonder the damn monster keeps coming back to our house! You keep giving it tree-fitty!
[The ceremony begins. An usher goes up to a turntable and sets the needle down on a racord. Veronica enters in a traditional wedding gown]
Stan: There she is! ["Here Comes the Bride" plays. Chef and Priest Maxi await her.]
Stan: [as Vernonica walks by] Bitch. Bitch.
Kyle: [joins in] Bitch.
Stan: Bitch.
Kyle: Dirty bitch.
Stan: [to Cartman] All right. Kyle and I are gonna take our positions up front.
Cartman: Okay. [Stan and Kyle leave]
Priest Maxi: Do you, Chef, take this woman as your lawful-wedded wife, to have and to-
Chef: Iii do!
Nellie: Aaah, my baby's getting married!
Priest Maxi: And do you, Veronica, take Chef to be your daddy?
Veronica: I do!
Priest Maxi: And now a special sharing of vows through song.
Stan: [as "A Morning After" begins] Here it goes
Veronica: There's got to be a morning after. [the needle is removed and there's no more music]
Stan: Now, Cartman! [Kyle holds the needle in his left hand. The crowd gasps and Vernoica is pissed]
Kyle: Now, Cartman!! [No response. Cartman is asleep again.]
Chef: [looks over] Children! You are screwing up my wedding! [Priest Maxi and Veronica turn to face them]
Veronica: I'll take care of them! [begins to move towards them]
Kyle: Cartman!! Wake up you fat piece of crap!! [Kenny punches Cartman]
Cartman: Ow! [Veronica reaches Stan and Kyle, but the backwards version of "A Morning After" soon plays]
Stan, Kyle: [singing on the tape]
light the for looking on keep Let's
sunshine…
Veronica: [stops] Aaargh!
Stan, Kyle: the find to chance a have We
night-
Veronica: Noooo! [the whites of her eyes flash red for a few seconds]
Chef: [sees Veronica transform] What the-?!
Stan, Kyle: -the to on- [the tape balks and reverses to a halt]
Cartman: Oh no! The tape jammed! [Veronica transforms again, this time tearing through the gown, revealing her huge wings and succubus body. The congregation reacts with groans and screams]
Man: Oh my God!
Women: Oh my God!
Chef: What the-?! [everyone else falls silent]
Thomas: She's a goddam Succubus!
Nellie: Succubus trying to take my baby! [the succubus roars and flies into the air. As she hovers over the congregants, they scream and dive under the pews]
[Outside, The doors open and people pour out]
[Inside, Stan and Kyle try to get Cartman's attention again]
Stan: Come on Cartman!
Cartman: [pressing every button on the tape player] I can't see anything!
Kenny: [tries to help] (Wait…) [the succubus lands on Kenny, breaking the pew in half. Kenny is d*ad under her feet]
Stan: Oh my God! She k*lled Kenny!
Kyle: You bastard!
Nellie: [with a stick, runs at the succubus] You damn monster! Get away from my baby!
Thomas: [reaching into his pocket] Hold on, now, I'll see if I have tree-fitty!
Nellie: [gets a few blows in, but the succubus knocks her away] Oh my-
Cartman: [presses the right button] Got it! [music resumes]
Stan, Kyle: -the to on hold can we if after [ths succubus grips her head with both hands, roaring in pain]
morning a be to got There's
Warm and safe that's… [the ground opens up, flames appear, and the succubus drops down into the hole. The flames leave with her. Chef walks up to the hold and looks over it]
Mr. Garrison: [sits up in his pew] Hoh, wow! You don't see that every day!
Stan: [walks up with Kyle to Chef] We're sorry Chef, we had to do it!
Chef: [sadly] No I'm, I'm glad you did, children. Now that she's gone, I can't really figure out what I ever saw in her.
Mr. Garrison: [to man on his right] Poontang's poontang.
Chef: Come on, children. Let's go get some ice cream.
Stan, Kyle: Hooray! [the three walk out. As they do, people start rising from under the pews]
Cartman: What? What happened you guys? Is Kenny okay?
[The cafeteria kitchen. Chef is back at the counter as the boys enter.]
Chef: Hello there, children!
Stan, Kyle: Hey, Chef!
Chef: How would you like some fish sticks and tater tots?
Stan: [cheerfully] We'd love them!
Kyle: It's great to have you back Chef!
Chef: Yeah, well, I learned a very important lesson this week:
[begins to sing]
Sometimes you fall in love and you think it feels that way forever.
You change your life and didn't know your friends cause you think it can't get any better.
But then love goes away; no matter what, it doesn't stay as strong.
And then you're left with nothing, cause your tinking with your dong.
So watch out for that love bug! It can destroy like a typhoon wind!
Just play it cool and don't be a fool…
Mr. Garrison: [from the entrance] And never let poontang come between you and your friend.
Chef: Daaamn right, Garrison! [song fades out]
[The optometrist's office. Cartman walks in with a large ice box. His bandages are off. Now we know why he wasn't at school with Stan and Kyle.]
Dr. Lott: Oh, hello, piggy. How are your eyes doing?
Cartman: After today they're gonna be fine, and I'll never have to see you ever again!
Dr. Lott: I don't think that's possible, piggy, not with your eyes.
Cartman: No, not with my eyes. With these! [takes Kenny's frozen head out of the box to show the eyes] Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dr. Lott: Was he an organ donor?
Cartman: Eh-sure.
Dr. Lott: All right, then let's get to work. [Cartman gets in the chair, and the optometrsit pulls out Kenny's left eye] Say, you don't have three dollars and fifty cents on you, do you?
[End of Chef's Mama. "A Morning After" plays backwards]:
light the for looking on keep Let's
sunshine the find to chance a have We
night the to on hold can we If
after morning a be to got There's
warm and safe that's... | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x03 - Chef's Mama"} | foreverdreaming |
[The boys are camping near Stark's Pond. They've set up a campfire and are roasting marshmallows. Cartman plays a harmonica]
Cartman: You guys, listen to this song I just wrote. It's called, "I Hate You Guys":
[plays four notes before each line]
I hate you guys.
You guys are assholes.
Specially Kenny.
[the other three glare at him] I hate him the most.
Okay now, let's try one all together:
I hate you guys. Come on, you guys know the words.
Specially Kenny.
Kyle: This is sweet, being rugged outdoorsmen. ["Hey you guys, sing the song!"] Facing the wilderness, not having to be home until 8:30,… [Cartman gets up and walks away]
Stan: Where are you going?
Cartman: I'm going home for a minute. I have to go to the bathroom.
Kyle: Just go behind a tree.
Cartman: I have to go number two.
Stan: So? You can poo in the wilderness.
Cartman: No way, dude! What would I wipe with?
Kyle: Cartman, don't be such a baby! We're supposed to be rugged outdoorsmen!
Cartman: Well what do I sit on?
Kyle: You just squat, stupid! [Cartman begins to lower his pants…]
Stan: Not here! Go further away!
Cartman: [moves away] God, I'm glad you guys know all these "pooping outside" rules! [he squats some distance away and begins] Urgh. Come on, now.
Kyle: Watch out for ground eels! [he, Stan and Kenny begin to laugh]
Cartman: Stop, you guys! I can't think!
Kyle: What do you have to think about?
Cartman: I have to think about… planes dropping b*mb, and dump trucks, and self-serve ice cream… [a dump is heard] Oh, that did it.
Stan: Sick, dude!
[In the lake, the water becomes agitated, and a bubble comes up. Cartman pulls out his harmonica and plays again]
Cartman: Poopin' outside,
[a rear sh*t] Makin' self-serve ice cream
For my friends
Specially Kenny.
Hey, Kenny, Can I borrow one of your gloves? [a yellow creature peeks out between the trees. It is the one looking at Cartman's rear.]
Kenny: (Here you go.) [begins to walk to Cartman, but realizes what it's to be used for] (No way!) [goes back to roasting his marshmallow]
Cartman: [hears some rustling and zips up immediately] What the?
Creature: [running through the trees] Oohma poota!
Cartman: Oh my God! Come on, you guys, come look at this!
Stan: [thinking of poo] We don't wanna look at it, Cartman!
Cartman: [urging] You guys, get over here!
Kyle: No way, dude!
Cartman: I'm serious now! [the boys walk over to the spot] Look. Over by those bushes.
Kyle: What?
Creature: Meesa scared!
Stan: I see it!
Cartman: Come on! Let's k*ll it! [the boys move forward]
Kyle: [steps in the poo and looks at his shoe] Aw, Cartman! You're supposed to bury it!
[Jimbo's lodge. This is where Huntin' and Killin' is sh*t. Inside, Jimbo is watching TV and Ned, in a short kimono, looks for something.]
Announcer: Look at this sword. Only on House Shopping Network. It has a dragon on the blade. [close-up of the samurai sword] It's got a dragon painted right on the blade! You should buy the samurai sw-
Jimbo: Ned, how the hell could you lose your voice box?! [Ned tries to speak] I can't hear you, Ned. You don't have a trachea. You smoked too much and you had it removed. And then you drank too much and you lost your god-damned voice box, Ned!
Ned: [eructing] Shut… up… Jimbo.
Jimbo: Aw, Ned, don't burp-talk. That just sicks me out.
Stan: [outside] I saw it this way!
Kyle: Over here!
Cartman: [trying to keep up] Come on, you guys!
[the boys reach the lodge]
Jimbo: [opens the door] What the hell's goin' on?!
Stan: Uncle Jimbo, Cartman found a big animal creature and it ran over that way!
Jimbo: Hold on, I'll get my g*n! Ned! Ned, come on! [goes in, and reappears with his g*n. Ned follows him out the door] Where did it go?
Kyle: It just ran by here a second ago. [rustling is heard]
Jimbo: [cocks the g*n] Sounds like it ran into the ostrich trap! [all move slowly around a corner] Sshh. Now keep quiet. All right. I'm gonna turn my flashlight on. It may get startled, so be ready. [turns it on and flashes it into the trap]
Creature: Ooba jaaga!
Jimbo: Holy Crow! I've never seen anything like it!
Creature: Meesa gonna die? Wooo-wowoop!
Cartman: Heheh. Hey-heh, that thing's funny.
Kyle: [annoyed] It's stupid
Jimbo: Well, let's k*ll it.
Cartman: [intervening] No! No. Don't.
Jimbo: Huh?
Cartman: I like it.
Kyle: You don't like anything, Cartman! [the creature is shaking from fright, and Cartman looks at it affectionately]
Jimbo: Well, all right. Ned, get the Mayor on the phone, tell her that we… hoh yeah, he can't talk. All right, never mind, I'll do it.
[South Park, the next day]
Jimbo: Yeah, it was like wrestling a Lousiana alligator, this thing. Put up one hell of a fight. [the crowd murmurs and the creature just stares out of the cage. His view is that of a fish lens]
Sheila: [walks up to it] Hello there. Who's the cute baby? Who's the fuzzy, huh? Yes, that's a cutie. [three men with briefcases walk up]
Fed: Mayor, we're from the Department of Interior.
Mayor: Ooh, yes. How are you?
DOI 1: [the one with black hair] Fine, just fine.
DOI 2: [the one with red hair] Fine, just fine.
DOI 3: [the one with brown hair] Fine.
Mayor: Right over here. [she shows them the creature and they stare in awe]
DOI 2: My God, McClanahan, do you believe it? [DOI 3 is just stunned]
Creature: Meesa needa Jakov. [raises its arms] Dwooooooo!
DOI 1: Mm-it's amazing.
Mayor: What?
DOI 1: Mayor, this is a jakovasaur. A live one has never been seen.
Mayor: Oh, neato.
DOI 2: Incredible. [turns to look at the Mayor] We know of this creature only from remains frozen in snow.
DOI 1: Do you realize what this means? We could use its DNA and have a chance of bringing the entire jakovasaur species back from extinction.
Cartman: Wow! Cool!
Ned: [eructing] Is… there… re… ward… money? [the DOI agents look at him]
Jimbo: Huh, cut it out, Ned! That's just disgusting!
DOI 2: This one jakovasaur can mother an entire population of the animals.
Woman: Well, in that case, I think we should name it… Hope.
Woman 2: Hope.
Man: Yes, Hope.
"Hope": Meesa name Junjun.
Stan: I think his name is Junjun.
Mayor: Hope. Why, that's a perfectly beautiful name!
DOI 1: Now we must find a safe place for it.
Mr. Garrison: I'll keep it at my house.
Mayor: No, Garrison, you'll just try to have sex with it!
Junjun: Uuh?!
Mr. Garrison: What?! How dare you say that?!
Mayor: Garrison, you remember what happened to the wounded pigeon you were supposed to take care of?!
Mr. Garrison: Oh, come on! You all know that pigeon was a total slut.
Rancher: Oh, I got a barn it can stay in. It ain't much, but it's heated.
DOI 1: Well, that sounds fine, just fine.
DOI 3: Fine, just fine.
DOI 2: Fine.
Mr. Garrison: Now, wait a minute. I wanna clear the air here. We all know that pigeon was a whore. Raise your hand if you didn't sleep with that pigeon? [everyone around him raises his or her hand] Oh, whatever!
[That night, something myterious is happening at Stark's Pond. The water is agitated again, and another jakovasaur rises out of the water. It sees a pup tent and rushes to it. It finds a backpack next to it and searches it. The following address shows up:
But Cartman is at home looking at the House Shopping Network on TV]
Announcer: It's got a dragon painted on the blade. This is the Sumatomi sword-
Cartman: [wondering] Wow, a dragon right on the blade. Mom, can I get a Sumatomi sword used by the ancient Tokugawa soldiers??
Liane: [from somewhere else] I'll think about it, hon.
Cartman: Sweet. [someone knocks on the front door] Mom, somebody's at the door.
Liane: Mommy's busy, boopie-kins.
Cartman: Should I get it?
Liane: [in bed, with torch and bong in hand] Go ahead, snookums. It's probably one of your little friends.
Cartman: Okay.
Liane: [inhales, with a manly voice] Hmmm. [two men are in bed with her. One of them is her congressman, O'Reilly]
[the knocking continues]
Cartman: Okay, okay, hold your horses! God! [opens the door and screams. An angry jakovasaur glares at him. Cartman backs into the living room] Mom, it's another Stark's Pond creature!
Liane: That's nice, muffin.
Jakovasaur: Please help me. Whoa-oh-oh-oh. [falls on his face and gets up] Please help me find Junjun. She has been gone since last night, and I'm worried sick.
Cartman: You mean the other jakovasaur?
Jakovasaur: What means a jakovasaur?
Cartman: You're a jakovasaur; that's what they call you.
Jakovasaur: Oh. Cool beans.
Cartman: But the other jakovasaur talked different.
Jakovasaur: That's 'cause Junjun's a girl. Girls talk different.
Cartman: I have to call my friends over; they're never gonna believe it.
Jakovasaur: Please take me to Junjun. We're the last of our kind. There are only two of us left.
[Cartman's room. He's telling his friends what he learned]
Cartman: He's the last of his kind, you guys. There's only two of them left. [the others stay silent, looking at him]
Kyle: Did you smoke some of your mom's crack?
Cartman: Will you stop with the whole "mom smoking crack" thing?! It's a old joke!
Jakovasaur: [hidden] Eric, do you have any more cookies? [Cartman turns his head aside and grins]
Stan: Who's that? One of your mom's boyfriends?
Cartman: No, that was a jakovasaur. It's okay to come in. [the closet door opens and the jakovasaur comes out]
Stan: Wow
Cartman: Jakov, I want you to meet my friends.
Jakov: Huhello, guys. I love new friends. [trips and flies across the room, then clears his head. A rattling noise is heard]
Cartman: Hahahahaheh, isn't he funny?
Stan: [put off] No, he's annoying.
Kyle: What are we supposed to do with him?
Cartman: We have to take him to that rancher's barn to see his girlfriend.
Stan: Why don't we just tell our parents?
Cartman: No! Why don't you wanna to understand? We have to do this ourselves.
[The rancher's barn, that same night. The boys break into the barn with Jakov]
Stan: [softly] Sshh! Be quit. We could get in big trouble for being here.
Jakov: [sees his mate and can't help it] Junjun!
Stan: [softly, curtly] Sh! Keep quiet, stupid!
Jakov: [ruhes up to her] Oh, Junjun, I'm so glad you're okay! [she's sitting on some hay]
Kyle: [softly, curtly] Dude, have you ever heard of whispering?!
Jakov: [turns around] I am whispering! [steps on a rake, whose handle smacks him on the head] Yyeow!
Cartman: [laughing] Haaahahahah. You're so funny, Jakov.
Jakov: [soothing his head] I am?
Stan: Okay, uh, Jakov, why don't you just take bunga here and go back to Stark's Pond?
Jakov: Oh, I don't know. This place is kinda nicer than Stark's Pond. [the barn doors open to show the Mayor, the rancher, and the DOI agents looking quite angry.]
Junjun: Aw, we's in big doodoo now.
Jakov: Uh oh.
[Jimbo's lodge, daytime. Ned is on the phone]
Operator: Hello, and welcome to Voice Box Express, your #1 source for voice boxes. I'm Amanda. How may I help you?
Ned: [eructing] Yes… Hello…, um…, I… lost… my… voice… box…
Amanda: Excuse me?
Ned: I… lost… my… voice… box…
Amanda: [after a long pause] Excuse me?
Ned: [faster, after a pause] I… lost… my… voice… box… [Jimbo enters the room and Ned hangs up]
Jimbo: Hey Ned, look what I bought you! A new voice box! [Ned reaches for it, but Jimbo keeps it out of reach, teasing Ned] You want it? You want it? Yeah! Do you? Yeah! You want it? All right, here you go. [hands him the box] Well, try it out!
Ned: [crisply] Mmm. Aw, Jimbo, I can't thank you enough for the new voice box. Gmmm, now, what in the devil is this thing?
Jimbo: Oh, no, I must have picked up the Irish model by mistake.
Ned: Mmm-aw, what a bloody pickle this is! Did you keep the receipt, then?
Man: [barges in] You guys come quick! I've only just heard!
Jimbo: What? What is it?
Man: They've found another one! They've found another jakovasaur! [silence]
Ned: Gmmm, blimey.
[South Park Square. The Mayor stands on stage with the DOI agents and the two jakovasaurs as the townsfolk filter in. The boys stand in front of the steps on the left side of the stage]
Mayor: [on the mic] Here with more on the status of the jakovasaurs is Department of Interior guy.
DOI 1: Thank you, Mayor. [takes over] The noble jakovasaur is on the brink of extinction. And now, you, as a community, have a chance to bring them back.
Cartman: [reading his acceptance speech] "Thank you, Mayor, for this distinctive honor…"
Kyle: What are you doing, fatass?!
Cartman: I'm preparing my speech for when they call me up to congratulate on me on my discovery. "Thank you, Mayor, for this distinctive honor…"
DOI 1: …Hope and Jakov are the last of their kind. But with the help of the Mayor, we have implemented a plan to help them breed. We will give them a home and a fighting chance at survival.
Man: [amid much chatter] Yea for us!
Jakov: Thank you!
Mayor: And now, the little boy who first discovered the jakovasaurs, Eric Cartman!
Cartman: [walks to the podium and speaks] Thank you, Mayor, for this honorable distinction.
Man 2: Well, that's about it. Let's go.
Man 3: Yeah. [the crowd begins to disperse]
Cartman: You know, there's really only two seasons here in South Park: Winter, and July, heh heh heh. But, but um, seriously, South Park has always been a place of discovery for me… [finds himself all alone in the square] Ey, you sons of bitches! Get back here! I'm having a god-damned distinctive honor!
[The jakovasaurs' new home. Everyone involved in finding and caring for the jakovasaurs is there]
Jakov: Wow!! It's so pretty!
DOI 1: Well, Jakov, we hope this new home "inspires" you and Hope to uh, hm, you know… [the room falls silent]
Jakov: What?
DOI 2: Well, we'd love to see more jakovasaurs, so, maybe you two should uuh…
Jakov: What?
DOI 3: Get to some business. [make a ring with the thumb and index finger of one hand and sticks the other index finger through the ring]
Jakov: [scratches his head] What??
Kyle: They want you to have sex, God-damnit!!
Jakov: Ooohh.
Mayor: [as the rest leave the house] We'll just leave you two lovebirds alone.
Jakov: Well, all right, then. [the Mayor closes the door]
[The jakovasaurs have no idea what to do, so they don't do anything. Outside, the boys, the agents, the Mayor, the rancher, and Jimbo wait for something to happen. Sure enough, things are heard falling inside. Jakov is heard moaning and yelling as he stumbles around. Junjun runs out of the house and Jakov stands at the entrance]
Junjun: Meesa just don't wanna!
Jakov: [walking out] I don't know what to do!
DOI 1: Jakov, to have sex, all you need to do is, well, you know, put your… [sees there's nothing where something should be] Hmmm. [stroke his chin] I guess we don't know exactly how jakovasaurs mate.
DOI 2: [holds his index finger up] There is… another option.
[Mephesto's ranch. The boys, the agents, and the Mayor are present with the jakovasaurs. Jakov and Junjun are on the examination table.]
Mephesto: I've managed to artificially inseminate Hope with your semen.
Jakov: I have seamen? Where's their boat? [imitates a fog horn] Arrrrr-urrrrr! Arrrrr-urrrrr! [Cartman laughs]
Mephesto: Yes, yes, that's… very funny, Jakov. [Jakov stops] I… will need to examine Hope once more to see if the process worked. [sticks a syringe into Junjun's arm and draws a blood sample. Junjun reacts immediately as Mephesto goes to his microscope]
Junjun: Oh-wwoooooop! Oh-wwoooooop!
Jakov: [adds his reaction] Arrrrr-urrrrr! Arrrrr-urrrrr!
Stan: God-damn!
Kyle: Shut up!!
Mephesto: Yes! Yes, I think it worked! [Jakov and Junjun stop as Mephesto turns to face the group] You are going to be parents!
DOI 3: Yeah!
DOI 2: We did it!
Jakov: Now I can be like all the other guys in South Park!
Stan: [to Kyle] Dude, do we really want another one of these things hanging around?
[The Marsh house. A football game is heard inside. Next, several men are behind or sitting on the sofa. Seated are Randy, Gerald, and Stuart, and behind are Chef, Mr. Mackey, and Mr. Garrison. Jakov is seated next to them on a folding chair. Jakov will now know what it is to be one of the guys.]
Commentator: …and Bubby Brister is having a great first quarter! Let's see what trickery he uses here. Here's the snap, and he's down-
Jakov: Thanks for inviting me to watch the game, guys!
Randy: No problem, Jakov.
Commentator: To the 40-yard line!
Men: Yea!
Jakov: Go Niners! Ni-ners!
Gerald: We're rooting for the Broncos here, Jakov!
Jakov: Oooops!
Commentator: …to Terrell Davis! He's at the 50, the 40, the 30,… [the men are happy]
Jakov: You guys know what? [they angrily snap their heads in his directions] This one time, I was watching this rabbit, a a brown rabbit-
Commentator: He breaks another tackle, and the ball is loose!
Jakov: You guys know what… happened? It touched Junjum right in front of me.
Randy: Hey Jakov. Uh, could you run down to the store and get some more… pretzels?
Jakov: Sure. You got money?
Gerald: [hands him some bills] Here- here you go. And and don't go to the store down the block. The one four miles away in Fairplay has better pretzels.
Jakov: [gets up] Cool beans. [trips over the plug, knocking down the TV] Oopsie. I'll be right back. [closes the door]
Mr. Mackey: Jakovasaurs kinda piss me off, mkay.
The others: Yyup.
[The house of the jakovasaurs. The boys, the agents, Jimbo, Mephesto, the Mayor, and Sheila are all present]
DOI 1: Amazing! The gestation period was only four days.
DOI 2: At that rate, we could repopulate the jakovasaurs in just a few years.
Junjun: Doe-wooop!
DOI 1: Don't worry, Hope. Everything's gonna be fine, just fine.
DOI 3: Just fine.
DOI 2: Fine.
Kyle: Dude, I don't wanna watch this thing have a baby.
Cartman: If Jakov and Hope don't have kids, their race will become extinct.
Kyle: Maybe their baby will be still-born, like Cartman was. [he and Stan laugh]
Cartman: Hey! I might have been still-born, but at least I got better!
DOI 2: Here we go.
Junjun: Doe-woooop!
Sheila: [gushing] Behold, the miracle of childbirth!
Junjun: Dowoop! [her water breaks and lands on everyone]
Kyle: Gross!
Junjun: Dowoop! [a baby jakovasaur is sh*t out and strikes the wall. It whimpers as it drops]
All: Hooray!
DOI 3: This is the first step in bringing the species back from the brink of extinction! [the baby jakovasaur gets up and moves around, growling]
Junjun: Dowoooop! Dowoop!
DOI 2: Looks like there might be a second one.
DOI 1: Wow! That would be a great start for them. [close-up of the second baby flying out of the vagina]
All: Hooray! [Junjun starts pumping babies out in all directions. The adults crouch behind the sofa for cover]
Mayor: She's a cannon! [seventeen babies end up in front of the wall. The lead agent walks up to them]
DOI 1: Well. Ap-parently, they breed in litters.
Cartman: [picks up a baby and says sweetly] Aren't they cute, you guys?
Stan: [to Kyle] Huh-I'm not so sure this is a good thing.
Junjun: Huh-owhoa-o-woop! [pumps out a second set of jakovasaurs]
DOI 1: Huh?! [getting out of the way] Whoa-o-whoa!
[South Park Elementary, Garrison's class. Class is now in session.]
Mr. Garrison: Ho-okay, children, we have some new students joining us today. Let's all be warm and welcome them to our class. [the class is full of jakovasaur children]
Stan: Dude, it's crowded in here.
Jakovasaur Boy: [sitting in front of Pip] I like school!
Jakovasaur Girl: Bo-woop!
Mr. Garrison: O-kay, so, we're just gonna stick to our normal lesson plan and start the day with history. [starts writing on the board] Now, does anyone know why Chubby Checker left the Beatles in 1972? [a jakovasaur kid in the front row raises his hand and waves it] Yes?
Jakovasaur Boy: I don't know.
Jakovasaur Girl: Bo-woop!
Mr. Garrison: O-kay, is there anyone who can answer the question?
Jakovasaur Kid 1: [in front of Wendy] I can't.
Jakovasaur Kid 2: Me neither.
Mr. Garrison: [angrily] Damnit, you don't raise your hand if you don't know!
Jakovasaur Kid 2: Oh.
Jakovasaur Kid 3: O-wowo-oop! O-woo-oop!
Jakovasaur Kid 4: Ooo! Fight! Fight! [he and another jakovasaur start to fight]
Jakovasaur Kid 5: School, school! I like school! [the fighting escalates]
Jakovasaurs: School, school! I like school!
School, school! I like school!
Kyle: Dude, this sucks ass!
Cartman: ["School, school! I like school!"] I like going to school now. Jakovasaurs are so cool. ["School, school! I like school!"]
Mr. Hat: This is insane, Mr. Garrison. ["School, school! I like school!"]
Mr. Garrison: [looking defeated] It sure is, Mr. Hat. ["School, school! I like-!"]
[The bar, that night. Many of the town's adults are inside chatting away, including the Mayor]
Mayor: Now, folks, I know we're all a little worried about the jakovasaurs, and I want to hear you all out!
Mr. Garrison: Mayor, the little jakovasaurs are ruining my classroom. I can't teach our kids anything!
All: Yeah!
Chef: And those jakovasaur eat three times as much as normal children! I can't keep up!
All: Yeah!
Man: Totally!
Trashman: And they're creating more trash than we can handle, too!
Man: Totally!
All: Yeah!
Man: Listen to her!
Man 2: And what about little Laura, the Williams kid? If she doesn't get that heart-valve operation, she could die. [no one responds, so he supports himself] Yeah! Yeah, that's right!
Mayor: All right, all right. It's obvious we have to do something, but we can't just make them leave.
Jimbo: We just encourage them to find someplace better.
Mayor: But where? Jakovasaurs are big, loud, annoying, and stupid. Where would they fit in?
[The house of the jakovasaurs, next day. The Mayor and others are talking to Jakov and Junjun]
Jakov: Memphis?
Mayor: Yes, Memphis. [shows him a brochure of the city] You jakovasaurs would love it there.
Jakov: I don't know. I like South Park a lot. What do you think, honey?
Junjun: G'ooh-woo-ooop!
Jakov: Yeah.
Mayor: But everyone in South Park wishes they could live in Memphis. Right? [several people respond with "Yeah" and "Memphis"]
Jakov: Okay, we'll move to Memphis!
Some men: Yea!
Others: Hooray! [the door opens, and the boys appear with Liane]
Cartman: [cheerfully] Hey, Jakov, how's it going?
Jakov: Great, Eric! We're moving.
Cartman: [gasps] Moving?
Jakov: Me, Jun and the family are heading to the Promised Land of Memphis.
Cartman: You… can't leave. You're my friend.
Liane: Oh, Eric dear. It's what's best.
Jimbo: Yeah. Let's get that luggage packed!
Cartman: [softly] Jakov, please don't go. [music] You make everything in South Park fun. [Jakov is touched] You brought life to this whole town. It would suck without you.
Jakov: It would?
Cartman: Yes. These people, Jakov, these people need you. I need you. Please, Jakov. Stay?
Jakov: O-kay. I like South Park best of all. We're staying!
Cartman: [exulting] Hoo-ray! Jakov is staying, you guys! [everyone else is pissed at him]
[Outside. Everyone leaves the house disappointed]
Mayor: Now what do we do?
DOI 1: Don't worry, We've come up with a plan.
Mayor: You have?
DOI 1: Yes. We're leaving.
All: What??
DOI 1: We're getting the hell out of here and away from those God-damned things.
Mayor: You can't leave.
Cartman: Yes. Who would take care of them?
DOI 2: Little boy, we're making you an honorary Department of Interior person. [gives him a DOI badge] So now, you are officially in charge of South Park's fish and wildlife. You have authority over all of them.
Cartman: [a bit humbly] I have authoriteh?
DOI 2: That's right. And people must respect it.
Cartman: [fitting into the role] Well, that should be fine, just fine. [the agents climb into their van]
DOI 2: Fine, just fine.
Cartman: Fine.
Stan: Oh, no! Nothing's worse than Cartman with authoritah!
DOI 2: Bye-bye, now. [closes the door, and the van speeds away. Stan and Kyle just look at each other.]
[The Jakovasaurs' house, later that week.]
Announcer: And now back to… Jakovasaurs! on Comedy Central. ["Jakovasaurs" appears on screen. Then, Junjun appears in the living room with some of her children.]
Jakov: [enters wearing a fedora and carrying a briefcase] Hi, honey! I'm home! [trips over the welcome mat and crashes into the sofa. Canned laughter is heard] Wooooo! [gets up, rubbing his head] Boy, it was rough at work today. I've never seen so much coffee.
Junjun: Booo-wooop?
Jakov: No, in the boss's lap. [more laughter]
Boy: Hello, dad.
Jakov: Hello, son. How was your day?
Boy: Oh, not so good. Something really strange happened.
Jakov: What? You mean MTV played a video that wasn't Will Smith? [more laughter]
Boy: Noho, dad. A man in a blue suit and a bag came to the door. He just left this li'l piece of paper with a stamp on it. [brings out the letter]
Jakov: That's called a mailman. He takes care of mail.
Boy: Oh! He took care of mom, too. [more laughter]
Jakov: You're a nut! Let me see that letter. [opens it and reads the letter] It's from a game show. The Mayor has invited me to compete. [the front door opens]
Cartman: Hi, Jakov. [applause] What the hell is that? [laughter] Who's laughing?
Jakov: Eric! The Mayor has invited us to compete on a game show in South Park! Big prizes, an all-expense paid vacation-
Cartman: Wow, that's cool. I can help you get ready. [he and Jakov start walking]
Jakov: Woo, woo! [trips over one of his kids and falls on his back. Cartman stops. Jakov gets up. He and Cartman face the camera as laughter and applause are heard, and grin.]
[While Cartman visits Jakov, the other boys are in the Mayor's office with several townsfolk. Liane is there, too]
Mayor: [anxious] Come onn, come on! [the phone rings and she snatches the receiver] Hello!
Jakov: Mayor? This is Jakov. I'm the tall fellow down the block from-
Mayor: Yes. Yes, Jakov. You're calling about the game show. Congratulations! Will you do it?!
Jakov: Sure! If a free trip is involved, can my whole family go?
Mayor: [rushing] Of course! That's the point! Just be ready this afternoon at the public access building, and good luck! Hope you win!! [thrusts the receiver to arm's length]
Jakov: Cool beans!! [the Mayor hangs up]
Mayor: We've got 'em! All right. The boys here will keep little Eric Cartman distracted. Meanwhile, we get rid of the jakovasaurs and bring some normalcy back to this town! Ready?
All: Break!
[South Park Public Access. The Mayor is hosting her own game show this afternoon. To her right is Jakov, to her left Officer Barbrady. Jakovasaurs cheer in the first two rows in the studio audience. Jimbo approaches Ned]
Jimbo: Hey, Ned! A package came for you today from Voice Box Express.
Ned: [eructing] Oh… boy…, oh… boy.
Mayor: [whispering in Barbrady's ear] Now remember, Barbrady, all you have to do is lose!
Barbrady: Right.
Mayor: [goes back to her mark] Okay. Let's quiet down, people and jakovasaurs! [turns on the mic] Now, as you know, the winner of this little game will get an all-expense paid trip for himself and fifty of his closest relatives to lovely France! [the jakovasaurs hoot and holler] And, all one of you lucky constetants has to do is answer only one of these questions! Are you ready, players?
Barbrady: Ready.
Jakov: Ready.
Mayor: Okay. Hands on your buzzers.
Jakov: [bzt] Forty-seven! [his kids cheer wildly]
Mayor: [correcting Jakov] You have to wait until I ask the question first.
Jakov: Sor-ry!
Mayor: That's okay. Hands on buzzers.
Jakov: [bzt] Turkey sandwich!
Barbrady: Damn, he's quick!
Jakov: [bzt] Oh. Sor-ry! [bzt]
Barbrady: No, I'm sorry. [bzzzt]
Jakov: [Bzzzzzzzzt] No, it's my fault. I'm sorry.
Barbrady: [Bzzzzzzzzt] No, it's all me. Uh, my bad.
Jakov: Sorry.
Barbrady: Sorry. [both buzzers stay on]
Mayor: Will somebody please unplug the God-damned buzzers?! [the buzzers stop]
Stagehand: [off camera] Got it!
Mayor: Now, can we get on with this? First question: What color is blue? [drumroll]
Barbrady: Blue? [ping. Barbrady gets the first point]
Mayor: What?
Barbrady: Uh. Blue is blue?
Jakov: Awww, did I lose?
Mayor: What? Blue is-? Nono. Hang on. [whispers to Barbrady] You're supposed to lose, you idiot!
Barbrady: Where am I?
Mayor: Just don't answer any more questions, got it?
Barbrady: Okie-dokie.
Mayor: Sorry, folks, a little mix-up. We're playing best out of three!
[The woods. Stan and Kyle lead Cartman along. Cartman is in uniform.]
Cartman: What are we doing out here, you guys? I wanna see if Jakov wins that game show.
Stan: Oh, he'll win. Don't worry.
Kyle: We just have to show you this new species because you're the Department of Interior guy now. Soon, they'll all be eaten by bears.
Cartman: Oh. Let me get out my notepad so I can classify this new species. [brings it out] Well, this should be fine, just fine. Just fine, fine.
Kyle: [pointing] There it is! [a sh*t of Kenny wearing twigs] That must be of the antelope family.
Cartman: [after some study] That's Kenny with branches on his head. [looks again] Why did you bring me all the out here, you guys?
Stan: [huffs] Cartman, jakovasaurs are making South Park suck. You have to understand that.
Cartman: Well, what does that have to do with me being all the way out…? Wait a minute. You're distracting me! That game show is a fix! [drops his notepad and rushes back to town]
Kyle: Cartman! Wait!
Kenny: (Hey you guys, wait up for me!) [a black bear rushes down the hill, growling] (Waaah!) [the bear mauls him and tumbles away]
[South Park Public Access. The game show continues. Barbrady is ahead 7-0]
Mayor: What's two plus two, Jakov?
Jakov: I don't know!
Barbrady: Four? [ping. 8-0]
Mayor: Jakov, what is your name? [drumroll. The studio audience looks at him quite annoyed]
Barbrady: Jakov [ping. 9-0]
Mayor: Oh, screw it. Jakov wins! [raises his hand in victory]
Jakov: I do? [his kids rejoice]
Mayor: You and your entire family are going to wonderful and exotic France!
Jakov: Hooray!
Mayor: All right, everybody. Let's get them to the airport! [members of the studio audience start carrying out little jakovasaurs] Let's go, people! There's no time to lose! [two people carry Jakov out]
[South Park Airport. The jakovasaurs are being whisked into the plane as quickly as possible]
Jakov: [looking at Randy and Gerald] But what about our clothes? Shouldn't we pack first?
Randy: Jakovasaurs don't wear clothes, Jakov.
Jakov: Oh yeah. Well, good-bye everybody! We'll send stuff from France!
Crowd: Good-bye!
Jakov: [almost trips as he turns to enter the plane] Werrr. [the crowd laughs weakly]
Cartman: [arriving and running up the stairs] Jakov!
Jimbo: Close the door! [an attendant closes the door on Cartman's face]
Cartman: [pounding] Open this door!
Liane: Eric, this is for the best.
Cartman: [facing the crowd angrily] I am Department of Interior guy, and I have authoritah! [the plane backs into the runway, then moves forward. Cartman rushes down the steps and runs alongside the plane] No! Jakov, don't go!
Jakov: [from his window] Hi, Eric! Okay, bye, then! [the plane takes off. Cartman can only watch as the plane disappears in the horizon]
Cartman: [resigned] Well… Fine. [the crowd begins to surround him.]
Liane: [reaching out] Eric, it's important for you to understand-.
Cartman: Don't, mother! Just, don't.
Mayor: [on one knee] I know it's hard, Eric, but I've learned something today. You see, animal species come and go. It's all a part of natural evolution.
Jimbo: The jakovasaurs would have gone extinct if we hadn't interfered. Because their particular form of life simply wasn't practical.
Ned: [with a much better voice box] We can't go around saving every form of life, any more than we can k*ll them all. We have to let nature run its course. [silence]
Jimbo: Mhmm Ned, that voice box sucks!
Ned: I know. I'm still trying to find my old one.
Mayor: Well, then. What say we all go get some ice cream!
Crowd: Hooray!
Cartman: No. That's okay. I'll see you guys. [slowly walks away]
Kyle: Dude! I've never seen Cartman care so much about something.
Stan: Yeah. I guess he finally found something that's as annoying as he is.
[The Café Grenouille in Paris, France. The Eiffel Tower in in the background. An accordionist plays]
Waiter: Bonjour.
Woman: [blonde wearing stylish shades] Bonjour.
Waiter: Café?
Woman: Oui. [a bus pulls up and drops off passengers, then pulls away]
Jakov: [with his family] Come on, kids! Let's go find some pyramids! [crashes into a table and ends up in its umbrella on the ground] Woops! Aaaah! [The accordionist stops and everyone stares at Jakov. Then they start laughing]
Man: [one of two in suits] C'est drôle et amusant (That was SO FUNNY!!) [chuckles]
Accordionist: (I love its antics!!!)
Blonde: Il est si comme Jerry Lewis!!! (He's just like Jerry Lewis!!!) [the laughter continues] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x04 - Jakovasaurs"} | foreverdreaming |
[South Park Elementary. The school bell rings. Most of the third-grade boys are in a shop room.]
Voice: [male] This is shop class. [it belongs to a heavyset man, who stands next to a chalkboard, pointing to the information] My name is Mr. Adler. For the next week, rather than your normal schoolwork, you'll be learning how to make things. Now, does anybody know WHY you're in shop class? [Stan raises his hand] Yes?
Stan: Because we had to choose between this and home ec, and we didn't wanna be sissies?
Mr. Adler: Wrong! You are here because you are America's future! [sittiring music plays] You may someday be doctors, or lawyers, or scientists. Most of you, however, will be pumping gas, or cutting sheet metal, and that's why we have… [points to the words] shop class.
Cartman: Ooooohh.
Mr. Adler: Now, let me make one thing crystal clear: I don't like kids that screw around! You screw around in shop class, you can lose a hand or an eye. I have a- [picks up a picture of a woman and begins to get lost looking at it] I have… uh, I have a…
Kyle: Mr. Adler?
Mr. Adler: [sets the picture down] Huh? Oh, uh, I was just saying that I want to know who is the biggest troublemaker in your class?
Stan: [quickly points] Tweek is!
Tweek: Arrh! No, I'm not!
Kyle:Stan: Yeah, you are! You always get in trouble
Tweek: Arrrrh!
Cartman: Oh, hello, excuse me, but Craig is the biggest troublemaker in our class.
Mr. Adler: That true, Craig? You a troublemaker?
Craig: No.
Mr. Adler: Well, you'd better not be, because in shop class we- [Craig flips him off] Hey! Did you just flip me off?!
Craig: No.
Mr. Adler: Yes, you did!
Cartman: Told ya!
Kyle: [hushed, to Stan] Dude, shop class sucks. Maybe we should have taken home ec.
Stan: Now way, dude. Home ec is for girls.
[The Home Economics room. All the girls are here]
Voice: [female] Welcome to home ec. [the camera scans across the class] For the next week, you will be learning how to bake, sew, clean, and make things that are lacy and pretty. [Kenny appears]
Kenny: (Woohooo!) [Wendy raises her hand]
Wendy: I requested to be in shop class, but they sent me here.
Woman: That's right, Wendy. You see, some of you girls will go on to have interesting jobs and careers. [now cautioning] But all of you pretty ones… won't have to worry about that, because you can marry a nice man. And that's why we have… home ec.
Kenny: (Woohooo!) [the girls on either side of him look at him]
[The Shop room. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman sit before a power miter box. Cartman is feeding it wood]
Cartman: I wonder why Kenny didn't wanna take shop class? [cuts out two slabs]
Stan: I don't know. He's such a wuss.
Mr. Adler: [passing by] Hey! Don't screw around! You screw around too much!
Cartman: You know, you guys are totally wrong about Tweek. Craig is way worse than he is. [Craig leafs through some wood scraps, and Tweek approaches a belt sander on the floor]
Stan: No he's not dude. Craig is a wuss.
Cartman: Dude, if Craig and Tweek got in a fight, Craig would kick Tweek's ass.
Kyle: Do you wanna bet?
Cartman: Yeah, I'll bet.
Stan: How much?
Cartman: Five bucks.
Stan: You're on!
Tweek: [revs up a belt sander.] Arrh! [jumps. Stan and Kyle walk to him]
Stan: Hey Tweek.
Tweek: [jumps] Gaarhrhrh!
Stan: Dude. Craig chooses you. He wants to fight.
Tweek: [drops the sander] He does?
Stan: Yeah. He's all pissed off at you. So, will you fight?
Tweek: Why?
Kyle: Dude, because! You have to stand up for yourself! So will you fight him? [Craig is still leafing through the scraps]
Tweek: [jumps] Rrrrh! He doesn't look like he wants to fight me.
Cartman: Craig, could I talk to you real quick? [Craig flips him off, and Cartman puts his palms up to calm him] Er, just a second, please, Craig. Craig, I'm not normally one to get involved in this kind of thing but, well, I was just standing over by Tweek, and, he called you a big poop-eater.
Craig: He did?
Cartman: Yeah. He said you eat poop, and that it makes your breath smell like poop, and that, eh, well, you like it.
Craig: Why would he say that?
Cartman: I don't Craig, I don't know. But now he's over there telling everybody that you're a poop-eater and he chooses you.
Craig: [now pissed] Well, I've gotta go over there and-
Cartman: [blocks his way] No, no! Craig, you you can't fight him here; Mr. Adler would just break it up. Tell you what: I'll go tell him you accept his challenge, and set it up for after school today.
Craig: Okay. [flips Tweek off]
Kyle: There. Did you see? He just flipped you off.
Tweek: [twitches to one side] Rrrr! What a jerk!
Stan: He's really got it out for you, dude.
Tweek: Why?! What did I do?!
Kyle: So, do you agree to fight him after school?
Tweek: I guess so.
Stan: Super. See you there. [they walk away, pleased]
[Mr. Adler takes out the woman's picture again and looks at it. He begins to daydream. Memories of his fiancée come to him, and her voice echoes every time reminisces]
Fiancée: [runs from him] Catch me, Richard. [she laughs even after he catches her and she's on the grass] I'm so in love with you, Richard. [next scene: she's in the kitchen holding a tray] I made you some cookies, Richard. [sniffs them real good. Next, she's by the fireplace with a little stocking] Merry Christmas, Richard. [laughing on the yard outside] Oh, Richard. Say you'll hold me forever. [in flight, trying to regain control] Aaaaaaa! [in a swimming pool, under water] Richard!
[the school bell rings, and he's back] Aaaarr! Uh. [opens a drawer to get some nicotine gum, and chews some] Oh why? Why? [closes his eyes and continues chewing]
Stan: Mr. Adler! Mr. Ad-ler!
Mr. Adler: Huhuh Huh? Stop screwing around!
Stan: The bell rang. Can we go?
Mr. Adler: Well, uh, well, sure. Uh, class dismissed.
Stan: Come on, you guys. [Kyle and Cartman follow him out]
[The school yard]
Stan: This is gonna be so sweet, dude.
Cartman: You guys are so wrong about Tweek. He's gonna get his ass kicked.
Kyle: We'll see!
Cartman: Why don't we just raise our bet to ten dollars?!
Stan: You're on, fatass! [Kenny shows up]
Cartman: Well, well, well, look who's here! Our little home economics friend, Kenny!
Kenny: (Hey guys, what's going on with you?)
Stan: How come you wanna take home ec., Kenny?
Kyle: Yeah. That's not cool, dude. [the girls walk by]
Bebe: Bye, Kenny. See you tomorrow.
Jordan: Bye, Kenny.
Kenny: (Bye, ladies.) [the other boys arrive as the girls leave]
Clyde: Hey, what's going on?
Kyle: Tweek and Craig are gonna fight.
Clyde: Really? Cool. [the boys stand around waiting] It's funny, 'cause Tweek and Craig both went home about fifteen minutes ago.
Kyle: What?
Token: Yeah, they left.
Stan: Aw, hell!
Cartman: Those sons of bitches!
Clyde: I guess they don't wanna fight.
Kyle: Aw, they wanna fight! They just don't know it yet! [walks off with Stan, Cartman, and Kenny]
[Stan and Kyle arrive at Tweek's house. Stan rings the bell]
Stan: Tweek?
Kyle: [looks up to the second floor] Tweek?
Tweek: [opens the center window] Herr. What do you guys want?
Stan: How come you didn't show up for the fight, Tweek?!
Tweek: Craig and I have no reason to fight each other.
Kyle: Well, Craig showed up.
Tweek: He did?
Stan: Yeah. He was standing there waiting for you, and he was all like, "Man, Tweek's a wuss," and we were all like, "No he's not, Craig," and he was all like, "Yeah he is, he isn't showing up. He's a big wuss, and he has crooked teeth!"
Tweek: I don't have crooked teeth!
Kyle: And then Craig was all like, "Tweek is scared o'me. He's a big chicken." And he started doing an impersonation of you being a chicken [Stan watches as Kyle demonstrates]; well, everybody in the world saw it!
Tweek: Everyone in the world?! Rrrr! [falls down behind the window]
Stan: Yeah, it was weak.
Tweek: I'm not a chicken!
Kyle: Well, everyone in the world thinks you are. See ya. [turns to walk away]
Tweek: [pops up] Wait! I'll fight!
Stan: Tomorrow?
Tweek: Okay.
[Cartman and Kenny arrive at Craig's house. Cartman knocks and Craig answers.]
Cartman: Craig, what the hell are you doing home?! You're supposed to be out fighting Tweek!
Craig: Red Racer's on.
Cartman: Craig, you can watch Red Racer any day of the week!
Craig: I do watch Red Racer every day of the week!
Cartman: [aloof] Well, that's fine. I guess you don't care about what Tweek said about your mom.
Craig: Nnope. [shuts the door]
Cartman: [hushed] Egh. God-damnit! [knocks again, and Craig answers] Well, I guess you don't care about what Tweek said about your guinea pig.
Craig: What?! What did he say about Stripe?!
Cartman: Oh, nothing, except that you stick it up your ass before you go to bed.
Craig: That son of a bitch, I'll k*ll him!
Cartman: Yeah, I'd be pissed too, so maybe we should reschedule the fight for tomorrow?
Craig: After Red Racer.
Cartman: [being graceous] After Red Racer, of course.
[The Tweek house, that night, dinner. The Tweeks are at table]
Richard: How was school today, son?
Tweek: Errh!
Richard: That's great.
Tweek: Dahad, if some kid in school wants to fight me, what should I do??
Richard: Son, let me tell you a little story about when your mother and I first met. [gets up and stands next to her. Peaceful music plays] You see, a long time ago, there were a lot of guys who were after your mother. She used to be very attractive.
Mom: It's true. I was. [Tweek bobs as he listens]
Richard: Well, when I started courting your mother, there was this big muscular football player named Quib, who didn't take too kindly to me. He wanted your mother all to himself. And so, one day, he challenged me to a fight. [sits down, and both parent resume eating. Tweek waits for the rest of the story]
Tweek: [after a long lull] Well?
Mom: Well what, honey?
Tweek: Nrr. What happened?
Richard: Oh'd. I, I don't know. He moved away or something.
Mom: Yes, I think that's right.
Tweek: Rrrrr! You guys never help me! [the parents look at each other, and Tweek starts banging his head against the table] Your stories never go anywhere! I hate it! I want out! I want out! [the parents resume eating]
[Craig's house, dinner time. Craig has a little sister]
Craig: Dad, I'm supposed to get in a fight tomorrow.
Dad: With who?
Craig: Some kid.
Dad: Oh.
Mom: Don't just "Oh" him, Thomas!
Craig: Yeah, don't just "Oh" me!
Thomas I'll "Oh" whoever I want! [Mom flips Thomas off, he flips back, the daughter flips them both off, and Craig flips his dad off with the right hand, his sister off with the left, and his mom with the right, up close]
[Mr. Adler's home. He and a woman have just returned from a date]
Mr. Adler: Well, that was fun, Pearl. See you later.
Pearl: Richard, aren't you going to invite me in?
Mr. Adler: Why?
Pearl: Well, I thought maybe you would at least at-tempt to make love to me tonight.
Mr. Adler: Oh, well, uuh, I can't. I left the oven on.
Pearl: Oh, Richard, why can't you open your heart to me? Why?
Mr. Adler: I just… I can't. Oh, I know. I have genital warts. [he begins closing the door]
Pearl: We'll use plastic wrap.
Mr. Adler: Nope. Sorry. Maybe some other time. [shuts the door on her face. He holds the door in place, then makes his way to a picture of his deceased love, picks it up, and remembers…]
Fiancée: [on a swing] Swing me Richard, swing me higher. I wanna touch the sky, Richard. [now in a gazebo] Richard, I'm here! [waves him over] Smile. [now opens a little box and sees a ring] Oh, Richard, it's beautiful. Yes. Yes. [Now at a phone by a desk] But you have to come see me fly tomorrow, Richard. I have a surprise for you. [next day, next to a plane] Don't worry, Richard. I'll pilot! It's what I do! [in flight, trying to regain control] Aaaaaaa! [in a swimming pool, under water] Richard! [now rising from an open coffin] Richard.
Mr. Adler: [returns] Haaarrr! [opens a small drawer in the side table, gets some nicotine gum, and starts chewing, then mumbles] Aw, God, what am I gonna do? [resumes chewing]
[South Park Elementary, the cafeteria, next day, recess. From left to right on a table are seated Stan, Tweek, Kyle, Cartman, Craig, and Kenny. Much of the class is assembled before them. A large sign saying "Tweek VS. Craig" hangs above them from the ceiling]
Stan: Okay, so, just to set the record straight here, the fight will be happening out by the tetherball pole at 3:30. Tweek just weighed in at 48 pounds, Craig at 45.
Clyde: Uh, how long do you expect the fight to last?
Craig I uh…
Cartman: [covers Craig's mouth] However long Craig wants it to last. [the kids laugh] T'heh, ub. Look, make no mistake. Craig has been ready for this fight since day one. He doesn't even view it as a challenge.
Kyle: He'll view it as a challenge when he's getting his ass kicked!
Cartman: Hup. Did you hear that? It sound like some diarrhea coming out of someone's mouth or something.
Kyle: Shut up, fatass!!
Cartman: Don't call me fat, you son of a bitch! [jumps on him, and they start fighting. Kenny and Stan soon join in, leaving Tweek and Craig looking at them]
Clyde: Wow. Tweek and Craig really hate each other, huh? This should be a good fight.
[Home Economics, after recess.]
Pearl: [stands by a chart equating shoes with money] On your first date, look at the man's shoes. Sometimes you can tell how much money a man has just by his shoes. [Kenny and the girls take notes. Pearl then stands by the chalkboard listing the number of credit cards from 1 to 4] When he takes you out to dinner, try to sneak a peek at his wallet while he pays for you. If he only has one credit card, BEWARE. [crosses 1 out] It means he doesn't spend a lot, and worse yet, it could be a debit card. If he has more than four credit cards, that's a little fishy. [crosses 4 out] The perfect number of credit cards for a man to have is… two. [circles it. Bebe raises her hand]
Bebe: What if we meet a guy who wants to be a doctor or a lawyer, but is still getting his degree?
Pearl: Dump that zero and get yourself a hero! He could be earning that degree all his life while you starve to death with two dying babies sucking at your teats. [the girls and Kenny just look at her]
[Shop class. The boys are busy on various projects. Cartman stands on a stool operating a drill press as Stan and Kyle stand on the floor.]
Cartman: When I have you guys' ten bucks, I'm gonna use it to buy the sweetest big-screen TV in the whole world.
Kyle: That's more than ten bucks, you stupid fatass!
Cartman: Well, if I get ten buck from each of you, that's like $2000
Mr. Adler: Hey, quit screwing around back there! You're horsing! [He now hears a voice calling to him, from the drawers in his desk…]
Fiancée: Ri-chard! [he whistles] Ri-chard! [he remembers mumbling something in return, and pulls out her picture. He dreams: she is back on the swing] Swing me Richard, swing me higher! [now in a gazebo] Richard, I'm here! [waves him over. Cut to her opening a little box] Oh, Richard, it's beautiful. Yes. Yes. [Now at a phone by a desk] But you have to come see me fly tomorrow, Richard. I have a surprise for you. [next day, next to a plane] Don't worry, Richard. I'll pilot! [in the cockpit, she calls out] It's all for you! [an alarm sounds, and the gas t*nk explodes behind her] Aaaaaaa! [she tries to land the plane right, but it falls into a swimming pool. She's thrown clear, into the water] Richard!
Clyde: Mr. Adler. Mr. Adler!
Mr. Adler: [returns] Huh? Uh, what?
Clyde: Tommy stuck his face in the belt sander [Tommy comes and stands beside Clyde. There are no features on his face.]
Mr. Adler: The belt sander? Tommy?? I told you not to screw around with the belt sander, didn't I? [Clyde looks at Tommy for a reaction, but…] Well go on. Go see the nurse; she'll give you some peroxide. [Tommy walks away in the wrong direction]
Clyde: [noticing the picture and points] What's that?
Mr. Adler: Huh? Oh, this is a woman I knew a long time ago.
Clyde: What? She die or something?
Mr. Adler: What? Hey! Go on! [upset, he puts the picture away] You're screwing around in here! [Clyde hurries away]
[After school. The kids climb over a hill to reach the tetherball pole. Stan, Kyle, and Tweek lead the way]
Clyde: Oh boy! Here we go!
Wendy: [joins the group] What's happening?
Kyle: Tweek's gonna fight Craig!
Wendy: Oh cool!
Stan: Stay pissed, Tweek. Stay pissed. [the two groups meet] All right. Here we go.
Kyle: Time for you to get proven wrong, fat boy
Cartman: You're gonna be eating those words, assh*le.
Kyle: No I won't, because you'd eat 'em first, tubby. [Craig and Tweek look at each other, but nothing happens]
Stan: Well?
Cartman: Come on!
Wendy: Yeah, if you're gonna do it, do it!
Craig: [turns to the crowd] What do we do?
Stan: Huh?
Cartman: What do you mean, what do you do? You just fight each other.
Tweek: How?
Kyle: How??
Craig: I've never been in a fight before.
Tweek: Me neither.
Crowd: [let down] Awwww.
Stan: [in disgust] Aw, dude, come on!!
Cartman: You just h*t each other, smack each other around. [Tweek slaps Craig, and Craig slaps Tweek. No effect]
Kyle: [sighs] Not like that!
Tweek: Like what, then?
Stan: [approaches the fighters] All right, all right, screw it! We have to postpone the fight 'til Tweek and Craig can learn how to fight.
Crowd: Awww. [disperses]
Clyde: [to Wendy] All that build-up for nothing.
Wendy: Yeah. Christ, I could have been home by now!
Stan: All right. Tweek, we'll teach you how to fight, and Cartman, you teach Craig.
Cartman: I don't think that's very fair: if I teach Craig, he's gonna really k*ll Tweek.
Stan: Oh yeah? Well, I'm gonna have my uncle Jimbo teach Tweek how to box!
Cartman: [faking fear] Ooooo! Boxing's scary, you guys! [serious] I'm gonna have Craig learn martial arts!
Stan: Fine! We'll see you back here tomorrow!
Cartman: Fine! [the parties part ways]
Kyle: Fine!
Cartman: Fine, that's fine!
[Big's Gym, later. This is where Stan and Kyle took Jesus to learn to box. Chef knocked him out with one blow. On this occasion, Stan and Kyle bring Tweek. Jimbo is the coach, Ned the sparring partner. All are in the ring]
Jimbo: Alrighty. Tweek, my little nephew Stanley has asked me to teach you the fine points of boxing.
Tweek: Rrrrh!
Jimbo: You're in luck! Ned here used to be the state champion until a grenade blew his arm off.
Ned: Mmrr I can still kick ass.
Jimbo: Now, Tweek, boxing is a Man sport. There is nothing in the world more Man than boxing. It is Man at his most Man. So when you spar with Ned here, just dig deep into that most Man part of you.
Tweek: Hwaaah! [Stan and Kyle look at each other and shrug]
Jimbo: Well, enough of the lectures. let's get to boxing. [rings the bell, and Ned sends Tweek to the ropes with one punch]
Tweek: Uugh!
Ned: Mmm whatcha got, bee-ahtch? [Tweek gets up]
Jimbo: Keep your guard up, Tweek! [Tweek doez so. Ned punches him twice more, and Tweek falls]
Tweek: Ow!
Stan: Damnit!
Kyle: Come on, Tweek! He's only got one arm!
Jimbo: All right, looks like we'll have to apply the Oppenheimer technique with Tweek here. [Tweek gets up]
Ned: [prancing] Gmmmmm, whatcha got, bee-ahtch?
Jimbo: Punch him in the balls, Tweek!! [Tweek lunges at Ned and lands the punch]
Ned: AAAAaaaarrgh.
Jimbo: Atta boy! Now quick, get him again while he's down! [Tweek lands a barrage of punches, and Ned groans after each punch]
Ned: Ow.
Jimbo: Good! Now kick his balls! [Tweek does so several times, and Ned groans] There, see? You've got him coughing up blood.
Stan, Kyle: Hooray!
Tweek: Rrrr!
Jimbo: Now THAT'S BOXING!
[The Nishimura School of Matial Arts]
Master: Your friend hasa brought you to learn the ancient art ofa sumo. You must learna discipline anda respect. [Craig flips him off] In sumo, your body must be rike a stone, and your mind rike a meatroaf.
Craig: Meatloaf?
Master: The object is simpry to push opponent out of circle. Is opponent ready?
Cartman: I'm ready! [comes out, speaks softly] Hey, I like this hair thing. This is cool. [stops to pull some salt out of a kettle and pats his hands together]
Master: Let us begin. [Cartman plants his feet] Ready? And, th-ree.
Cartman: Respect my authoritah! [he and Craig engage in pushing each other]
Master: Body rike a stone! Mind rike a meatroaf!
Cartman: [turns around to back Craig out of the ring] Dude. Come on, now. Come on.
Craig: Oh, Jesus! I can't take it! Stop!
Master: Fight back! Resist the ass!
Craig: How can I resist an ass so great?
Master: It is only an ass. You must overcome the ass with your mind.
Craig: This ass is umlike any I've encountered, Master. [Cartman bumps him off the ring, he hits a wall, and he's out]
Cartman: I win!
Master: There is indeed great power in your ass, Eric. Perhaps you should consider sumo as your profession.
Cartman: Hey, may be. [plants his feet again]
[Mr. Adler's house, night. He's asleep, and a bad dream begins]
Mr. Adler: [twisting and turning] No. No. Make it stop.
Fiancée: [laughing on the yard outside] Oh, Richard. Say you'll hold me forever. [Now at a phone by a desk] But you have to come see me fly tomorrow, Richard. I have a surprise for you. [next day, next to a plane] Don't worry, Richard. I'll pilot! [in the cockpit during flight] Watch me, Richard! [waves to him as shw writes "I love U Richard." As she gets to the latt letters, she loses control and the alarm comes on. Her gas t*nk explodes and she screams. She manages to write A's on her way down to a crash in the pool. She sinks and calls out] Richard!
Mr. Adler: Baaaaa! [looks around and then sobs] I never got to say good-bye. I never got to say good-bye! [reaches for some nicotine gum, only to find the box empty] Oh no! Oh NO! NOW what do I do?! [begins bawling]
[South Park Elementary, next day. Home Ec.]
Pearl: Okay, that was very good, class. Now let's try this one together. [holds up a board saying] Honey, can I get a new wardrobe?
Class: [including Kenny] Honey, can I get a new wardrobe?
Pearl: All right, now let's try this one together. [holds up a board saying] Lisa Smith's husbamd just bought HER a new car....
Class: [including Kenny] Lisa Smith's husbamd just bought HER a new car....
Pearl: Good. Bebe, why don't you try this one. [holds up a board saying] I think a trip to Hawaii would really improve our sex life.
Bebe: I think a trip to Hawaii would really improve our sex life.
Pearl: Outstanding! Now, Kenny, how about you try? [holds up a board saying] I can't make love to you until we get a king-size bed.
Kenny: (I can't make love to you until we get a king-size bed.)
Pearl: [looks at him in dismay] O-kay. Kenny, could I talk to you over here real quick?
Kenny: (Sure you can.) [gets up and goes to her desk]
Pearl: Kenny, I don't know quite how to tell you this, but… I'm not sure home economics is right for you.
Kenny: (Why?)
Pearl: Well, your cooking is unsatisfactory, your sewing skills are below average, and, frankly, I don't think the odds of you marrying a nice rich man in the future are very, well, good.
Kenny: (You don't?)
Pearl: No. I think you should consider transfering to shop class.
Kenny: (Shop class?) [images of thr*at tools tools fill his head: a drill, a torch, a belt sander, a table saw] (No, I won't!)
Pearl: Now, now. Very few students are severely innured in a shop class.
Kenny: (I don't wanna take shop class!) [draws his hood tight, and the bell rings]
Bebe: Come on! It's time for the fight!
Wendy: Yeah! [the girls begin to file out of class]
Pearl: Fight? Oh no no no, girls! Haven't I taught you anything?
[The playground, after school. The kids head for the tetherball pole. The fighters are present: Tweek wearing a boxing robe with hood, Craig in sumo gear]
Stan: Okay, the time has finally come. [the other kids close in]
Clyde: [holding a box of] Programs, get your programs here. Programs.
Kyle: Remember, Tweek: punch hard, punch low.
Tweek: Hrrr.
Kyle: This is when you gotta get mean, Tweek
Tweek: Rrrr, mean, rrrr.
Cartman: The spirit of the dragon is in your hands. Hurshar kashurshar. Hurlong churshar. All right?
Craig: Okay.
Cartman: Now, LISTEN to me! Hurlong kashurshar! All right?! And seriously: Hurlong kepur shung kwong!
Craig: Okay, okay!
[Tweek is ready first, then Craig gets ready]
Tweek: Rrrr! [Craig adjusts his own head] Hr. [Craig flips him off]
Stan: You ready Tweek? You ready Craig? Let's get in on!
Craig: Respect my authority.
[Tweek lands some punches and Craig tries to throw Tweek off suno-style. They go back and forth this way for a while]
Stan, Kyle: Come on, Tweek!
Cartman: Come on, Craig!
[The shop room. Mr. Adler is alone and starts to write]
To whom it may concern:
I can no longer live
without her. I couldn't
say goodbye to her, and so
now I must say goodbye
to all of you, for I am all
out of nicotine gum.
Sincerely yours,
Richard Adler
Shop Class
P.S.
Don't screw around.
You all screw around too much.
[he leaves the desk and goes to the table saw, turns on the switch, lies on the table feet first, and is pulled towards the blade]
Mr. Adler: Good-bye, cruel world. [sits up] Jesus Christ! What was I thinking?! That would have hurt like hell!
[the playground. Craig and Tweek tumble towards the school, neither giving in. The other kids follow them to a clearing outside a bungalow, where Caraig and Tweek resume trading punches]
Stan: Ye-hah!
Cartman: Come on, Craig! Time to kick his ass! [the fighters, now tired and panting, butt heads]
Kyle: Go, Tweek. Kick his ass! Get him!
Cartman: Come on, Craig!
Stan: Come on, Tweek! You got him!
Kyle: Get him! [the fighters just pant, stuck to each other] Whoa, Tweek! Did you hear that?
Tweek: What?
Kyle: Craig just called you a boner!
Tweek: Rrrr! [punches Craig]
Kyle: [to Stan:] He'll just have to keep throwing jabs to win the fight.
Stan: Yeah.
[Shop class. Mr. Adler draws closer to the saw blade and sighs. Kenny comes in and hands him Pearl's note.]
Kenny: (Hi, Mr. Adler.)
Mr. Adler: What? Who are you? [takes the note and reads]
Kenny McCormick
has been transferred
from home ec
to shop class
Well, all right. Get some safety goggles and start gettin' acquainted with the jigsaw over there. [hands him back the note and Kenny goes to the jigsaw] Hrh.
[Outside the bungalow Craig and Tweek continue fighting. They lock up and tumble into the slide, tearing it down. They end up under the debris]
Tweek: [gets up] Huh? [Craig pops up and tackles Tweek. The other kids, fearing the fight over, cheer again.]
[Shop Class. Kenny starts cutting wood on the jigsaw, but looks at Mr. Adler going to his death. Craig and Tweek crash through the shop class window and continue fighting]
Mr. Adler: [sits up] What the-? [the door opens and the other kids pour in]
Stan: Here they are.
Mr. Adler: [stands and walks towards the kids] Hey! What's going on?
Stan: Tweek and Craig are fighting. We're just watching. [trading punches]
Mr. Adler: Well, why the hell don't you stop them?
Cartman: 'Cause we have ten bucks riding on it.
Mr. Adler: Don't screw aROUND!
[Craig and Tweek tumble towards Kenny]
Kenny: (Hey!) [They knock the stool out under him. He hangs on to the jigsaw table] (Hey!)
Mr. Adler: Stop screwin' aROUND!!
[Tweek slams Craig into a second jigsaw and both tumble into a tool cart, which falls onto the second jigsaw, which tumbles onto the one Kenny is on.]
Kenny: (Hey, God damnit!)
Mr. Adler: Eh. Hey, you're SCREWIN' AROUND TOO MUCH!! [Kenny gets stuck in the blade and spins around. He's finally thrown clear and ends up in a box of old nails. Some nails fly out of the box.]
Kenny: (Ugh!)
Stan: Oh my God, they k*lled Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Mr. Adler: [goes to the box of nails and plucks Kenny out] Well, don't just stand there, call an ambulance! [the boys just shrug] You see? You see what happens when you screw around in shop class?
Kenny: (I understand, dude.)
Mr. Adler: What? What's that, son?
Fiancée: [through Kenny] Richard.
Mr. Adler: AAaaagh! [settles down] No! No, please don't go. I need you. I can't live without you. [Stan and Kyle look at each other, Stan shrugs]
Fiancée: [visible now, where Kenny's face was] Richard, you have to move on. I want you to be happy.
Mr. Adler: But I can't. I never got a chance to say good-bye.
Fiancée: Then say it now, Richard.
Mr. Adler: Good-bye?
Fiancée: There. Now do you feel better?
Mr. Adler: No.
Fiancée: Of course you don't. Saying good-bye doesn't mean anything. It's the time that we spent together that really matters, not how we loved it.
Mr. Adler: You… you're right. You're right. [The fiancée leaves and an old woman takes her place. The background is blue.]
Woman: Richard, this is Grandma.
Mr. Adler: Gram'ma? Hi, Gram!
Gram'ma: You never said good-bye to me either. [she leaves and a man enters]
Man: Hey, Richard. Remember me?
Mr. Adler: Uncle Corey! Wow, you're all alive again!
Uncle Corey: [gleefully] No! We're d*ad! [leaves]
Fiancée: [returns] I love you, Richard. See you soon.
Mr. Adler: Thank you. Thank you for freeing me. I feel like now I can move on. Baby, I feel so much better. I feel so alive. [holds Kenny close] Thank you, baby. Thank you.
Stan: Dude, this is pretty f*cked up right here.
[Hell's Pass Hospital. The kids enter. Stan approaches a nurse]
Stan: Hi. We're here to visit our good friends, Tweek and Craig.
Nurse: Oh. Well, I suppose a quick visit is okay. Maybe you kids can cheer them up. [leads the way. The kids follow and are let in. Craig and Tweek are in adjacent beds recovering from their injuries.]
Stan: Hey, you guys. How are you feeling?
Tweek: Rrr!
Craig: Ugh.
Stan: Well, uh. We just came by because we have something to tell you.
Kyle: Yeah. See, we got you to fight just 'cause we wanted to see who was the toughest. We made up all that stuff we said to get you guys mad at each other. [Craig flips them off]
Cartman: Yes. You can flip us off, Craig. We deserve that. We just came by to apologize. We feel so bad.
Kyle: Boy, do we ever.
Stan: So I guess we'll be gong now, and live with the knowledge that… you're both kind of sissies. [the group turns towards the door]
Tweek, Craig: What?!
Stan: [the group turns back to the beds] Well, I mean, that's what was on the news.
Craig: What was on the news?
Cartman: Oh, you didn't see it? Oh. Tweek's family was on the news saying what a wuss youare, Craig.
Craig: Huh?
Kyle: Yeah. And then Craig's family came on and said Tweek was the wuss, and then punched Tweek's mom in the hooters.
Tweek: Uuh! You son of a bitch! [pounces on Craig, and the fighting starts again, leaving the room a mess]
Craig: I'm gonna kick you ass!
Stan: Come on, Tweek! You got him!
Cartman: Give him sucky, Craig, give him sucky! Hurlong churshar!
[End of Tweek Vs. Craig] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x05 - Tweek Vs. Craig"} | foreverdreaming |
[Mr. Garrison's classroom. The kids chat away as Token enters]
Mr. Garrison: Okay, chlidren. Let's take our seats. We have something very important to discuss. Due to recent events around the country I've been instructed to teach you all about sexual harassment in school.
Kyle: About what?
Mr. Garrison: Now, does anybody know what sexual harassment means? [Cartman raises his hand] Yes, Eric?
Cartman: When you're trying to have intercourse with a lady friend, and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind.
Mr. Garrison: …No, Eric! That's not what I'm talking about! The school board has sent over a special guest to teach us all about sexual harassment in schools. Please welcome Petey, the Sexual Harassment Panda. [Petey enters]
Petey: [song and dance]
Who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree?
Sexual Harassment Panda.
Who explains sexual harassment to you and me?
Sexual Harassment Panda.
"Don't say that! Don't touch there!
Don't be nasty!" says the silly bear.
He's come to tell you what's right and wrong.
Sexual Harassment Panda.
Hi, boys and girls. [the class says nothing]
Mr. Garrison: Say "hi" to Sexual Harassment Panda!
The class: [hesitant] Hi, Sexual Harassment Panda.
Clyde: Hababah.
Petey: [reaches behind the desk for a picture of two pandas in briefs] Did you know that when one little panda pulls on another little panda's underwear, that's sexual harassment? That makes me a sa-a-a-a-ad panda [drops his head to one side]
Kyle: [to Stan] This is freaking me out, dude.
Petey: [shows another picture of two pandas…] And when one little panda puts his furry little willy in another panda's ear, that makes me a very sad panda. [puts the picture away and gets some literature] Now, I'm going to pass out these booklets, and we're going to go through each and every sexual harassment law.
The class: Awgh!
[Five hours later]
Petey: "…Article 36, Section 19: One panda may not make sexual comments about another panda's appearance. If said panda does make…"
Stan: Ogh, dude, get me out of here!
Cartman: I think Sexual Harassment Panda is cool.
Stan: You would think that, you little ass-sucker.
Cartman: What did you call me?
Stan: An ass-sucker. It means you suck ass. You see an ass, you suck it. You're an ass-sucker.
Cartman: [indignant] That does it! I am suing you for sexual harassment!
Petey: Uh-oh.
Stan: What?
Cartman: You have… sexually harassed me for the last time! It says right here… that now I can sue you and take all of your money.
Petey: That's right, he can.
Stan: No you can't, you little ass-sucker!
Cartman: Oh, you did it again! You all heard him!
Petey: "The first party of the first panda may sue the second-party panda unless that panda was said panda aforementioned panda."
[South Park Courthouse, day. The Honorable Judge Julie presiding]
Judge Julie: This is Cartman vs. Marsh, Case No. 3433. What is your complaint, Mr. Cartman?
Cartman: Your honor, my lawyer is just parking the car. He should be here any second.
Kyle: [sitting by Stan] Dude! He got a lawyer?
Gerald: [entering] Sorry I'm late…
Kyle: Dad?!
Gerald: Oh! Hi, Kyle. [moves to Cartman's side]
Judge Julie: All right. Let's move this along, shall we? Now, Eric Cartman, uh, you claim that Stan Marsh sexually harassed you in school.
Cartman: Th… That is correct, my honor.
Stan: Hoh, whatever! [rests his head on his left hand]
Cartman: He talked about having oral sex with my ass.
Stan: I called you an ass-sucker!
Cartman: Yes, that was it. I was suh-so upset. [sniffs, Gerald comforts him] I couldn't concentrate the rest of the day. And the way his eyes kept looking at me, slowly going up and down my body, like he was undressing me with his eyes. [hides his face in Gerald's coat and begins sobbing]
Stan: What?! Cartman, you call people names all the time!
Gerald: As you can see, your honor, my client is too upset to continue.
Judge Julie: Mr. Marsh, what do you have to say?
Stan: Wwhat do you mean?
Judge Julie: I need to hear your defense.
Stan: Uh… I'm eight?
Judge Julie: All right, this seems pretty open-and-shut. Stan Marsh, under the new Sexual Harassment in Schools law, I am forced to find you guilty.
Stan: Huh???
Gerald: All right, we did it!
Cartman: Hooray!
Judge Julie: Since the defendant is under age and has no monetary resources, it is the judgment of this court that 50% of Stan Marsh's belongings are to be handed over to Eric Cartman immediately.
Stan: I have to give him half my stuff??
Cartman: Sweet!
[The Marsh house. Cartman is present with Gerald and a collector in Stan's room]
Cartman: Let's see. I want that Clown Criminy game [on the cabinet next to the door. The collector puts it into Cartman's box], aand that Power Jim doll. [goes to Stan's toy box] And, let's see… [pulls out a Mega Truck] Do you really like this remote-controlled truck?
Stan: Yeah, dude. That's my favorite toy.
Cartman: Oh, well, I'll just take that, then. [tosses it into his box and reaches for a lizard] And what about this? Is this one of your favorites?
Stan: Uh, no! I hate that toy!
Cartman: Oh, then you won't mind if I take it! [tosses it into his box]
Stan: Damnit!
Collector: [approaches Gerald with two toys] Here you go. As your legal fee you can choose between the green choo-choo or the squishy football.
Gerald: Hm. [drops them and walks to Cartman] You know, Eric, I've been thinking, uh…
Cartman: Uh-huh? That model airplane kit? Go on.
Gerald: Uh, you know, the people really responsible for your harassment is the public schools. [Cartman looks through Stan's drawers] Perhaps we should sue them next.
Cartman: What? But uh, why should I sue the school?
Gerald: Well, because they're the ones that let this harassment go on. And, they have a lot more money. I think we could get a lot more out of this than half of Stan's belongings.
Cartman: Interesting. [the collector picks up a can and presses a button on it] Ooo, Stan's asthma inhaler. I want that! [rushes to grab it]
[The courthouse, day. The gavel sounds. Cartman vs. South Park Elementary, The Immediate Party]
Judge Julie: Answer the question. Did you know that sexual harassment was going on in the classroom?
Mr. Garrison: No, I had no freakin' idea!
Gerald: Mr. Garrison, do you know the definition of sexual harassment?
Mr. Garrison: Of course, and so does Mr. Hat. We do not tolerate sexual harassment!
Judge Julie: You are the witness here, Mr. Garrison, not Mr. Hat.
Mr. Garrison: I'm sorry, toots.
Gerald: Did you, or did you not, hear my client being called an ass-sucker?!
Mr. Garrison: Yes.
Gerald: And you did nothing.
Mr. Garrison: Well, he is a little ass-sucker. [the audience laughs]
Judge Julie: [gaveling twice] Mr. Garrison, I will remind you that we are in court!
Mr. Garrison: Okay, baby, I'm sorry.
[Later that day. Cartman vs. South Park Elementary, The Responsible Party]
Gerald: Principal Victoria, were you aware that my client was being harassesd at your school?
Principal Victoria: Well, not any more than any other student.
Gerald: Oh! So you admit that harassment goes on!
Principal Victoria: I don't know!
Gerald: You don't know?! You're the principal!
Principal Victoria: I can't be around every second!
Gerald: [staring her down] So it DOES go on!!!
Principal Victoria: All right, all right, I k*lled him. I h*t him over the head and I cut up the body. I tried to burn him, but it wouldn't burn! Oh, the smell of it! I put the legs in garbage bags and hid the torso under a bridge. I HAD TO DO IT!! [beaks down on the stand] OH GOD!!!
Gerald: Principal Victoria, was Eric Cartman called an ass-sucker? Yes or no?
Principal Victoria: [composes herself] I believe so, yes. [the audience begins to murmur]
Man: That's sexual harassment.
[The courthouse, still later. Cartman vs. South Park Elementary, The Expert Witness]
Gerald: Last, I'd like to bring up my expert witness: Sexual Harassment Panda.
Petey: [song and dance as he goes to the stand]
Who lives in the caves 'neath the willow tree?
Sexual Harassment Panda.
Gerald: Expert witness, did South Park Elementary allow sexual harassment to go on?
Petey: Well, when one little panda asks another little panda to perform oral sex, that is sexual harassment.
Gerald: And who's to blame?
Petey: I'm afraid the law states that the school must be held responsible.
Gerald: There! You have it! Straight from the horse's mouth!
Petey: Panda.
Gerald: Pan- Panda's mouth.
[Cartman vs. South Park Elementary, The Verdict]
Judge Julie: After careful review, it is the judgment of this court that South Park Elementary pays Eric Theodore Cartman $1.3 million in damages.
Gerald: All right! We did it, Eric!
Cartman: [takes his jacket off and twirls it around]
It's time to celebrate, yeah. It's time to celebrate, yeah.
[The Broflovski house. It is literally bigger now - 50% taller, wider, deeper… Same with the garage, itself bigger than the house to irs right. The icicles are also bigger. Furniture movers come by with new furnishings for the new, big house. Two delivery men take a big-screen TV into the house]
Gerald: That goes in the master bedroom. [Kyle walks up] Well, Kyle. What do you think of your new house?
Kyle: It's… big.
Gerald: Yes, it is big, isn't it? It is very… big.
Kyle: Dad, if the school has to pay you and Cartman $1.3 million, where does that money come from?
Gerald: Well Kyle, schools have lots of money. You see, we all pay taxes, and part of that tax money goes to public schools, and it's from that money that we got our 1.3 million.
Kyle: [thinks a bit] And you don't see a problem with that?
Gerald: No. It's a very fragile system that nature has designed. All things flow into each other.
Kyle: You're trying to confuse me now, aren't you?
Gerald: Sort of, yeah.
[Mr. Garrison's classroom, some days later. The alphabet strip, the poster, and the teacher's desk and chair are gone. Only the chalkboard remains. Mr. Garrison enters]
Mr. Garrison: Okay, children, there's a few changes being made here at school, but lessons will go on as normal. Any questions? [Stan raises his hand. The desks, pictures, and numbers are gone] Yes, Stan?
Stan: Where's our desks?
Mr. Garrison: Rright, ddesks. Well, a lot of cuts had to be made since the school's funding is short for lawsuits.
Stan: [huffs] You see, Cartman? You see what this has done?
Cartman: All I know is, I got this sweet digital watch and these cool shoes; I'm telling you guys, suing people kicks ass!
Clyde: Wow! I wanna sue somebody! [smiles at Bebe]
Bebe: Me, too. I wanna get a lawyer.
The class: Yeah!
Kenny: (Woohoo)
Mr. Garrison: Well, let's just try to cope with the changes and do our schoolwork. Now, I'm gonna write a sentence on the board, and I want you to tell me the noun. [starts writing, but not with chalk. The sound just grates to the ear]
The class: [wincing] AAAAAAAH!
Mr. Garrison: [turns to face the class] I know, I know. I'm sorry, children, but we can't afford chalk anymore. I have to write on the chalkboard with this rusty nail. Anyway, children, in the sentence, "The ball is red…" [loud scratching]
The class: [wincing] AAAAAAAH!
[The offices of Broflovski and Jackson. Gerald is in his office looking out the window. His briefcase is open. Music starts for a commercial]
Gerald: [turns around] Kids! Are you tired of being harassed at school? Sick of being called a h*m*? A farty-pants? A butt-… face? Then call me, Kyle's dad, and I'll help you [slams his briefcase shut] close the lid on sexual harassment in schools!
Bebe: [outside] After a boy in my class tried to put his tongue in my nouth, I knew I needed legal help. Kyle's dad helped me get a $1.6 million settlement, and this bright new shiny bicycle. Thank you, Kyle's dad! [rings her bell and rides away]
Clyde: [on a yacht, The Litigator, sunning himself] Kyle's dad got me 1.4 million, and he can do it for you, too. Just look at all these beautiful girls! [four of them come to cater to him]
Gerald: So call me, Kyle's dad. Because it's not about money, it's about… wait, what am I saying? Call me! [jumps for joy. This sh*t is frozen as the jingle is sung]
Singers: Kids picking on you? Well, don't be sad.
Just sue their asses with Kyle's dad!
["Call now! 1-555-SUE THEM"]
[South Park School Board meeting at South Park Elementary]
Chairman: All right, what other cuts do we have to make to the school budget?
Woman: Uh, next we have Tom Morris. He plays Sexual Harassment Panda at the schools.
Chairman: Oh, right. We certainly can't afford him anymore.
Woman: I warn you, Mr. Evans, uh, Tom Morris takes his job a little seriously.
Petey: [enters] Hello, sexual harassment cubs.
Who lives in the caves 'neath the willow tree?
Sexual Harassment Panda.
Mr. Evans: Uh uh, have a seat, Mr. Morris.
Petey: Who?
Mr. Evans: Uh. S-Sexual Harassment Panda.
Petey: Oh, all right. [sits]
Mr. Evans: Uh. M-m-m-Mr. Morris, we at the school board have been thinking, and, we've decided that perhaps a "panda" isn't the best way to explain sexual harassment to children. [Petey's head tilts]
Woman: You see, Mr. Morris, we believe that a panda doesn't really have anything to do with… sexual harassment. [long pause] At all.
Mr. Evans: …I'm afraid we're just going to have to let you go.
Petey: [rubs his eyes] I'm a sa-a-a-a-ad panda.
[The courthouse, day. The dominoes begin to tumble. Pip vs. Cartman]
Judge Julie: Eric Cartman, it is the judgment of this court that you sexually harassed Pip Philip at school.
Cartman: No way!
Pip: I won!
Cartman: This is ridiculous!
Judge Julie: You asked Pip to suck your… you know what. You must give Pip half your stuff, and the school must give Pip $1.6 million.
Principal Victoria: [Mr. Mackey sits with her] Oh, dear God!
Gerald: Wow, I'm good!
Judge Julie: Next!
[Craig vs. Wendy. They go to their respective podiums. The boys have left]
Craig: This girl touched my thigh.
Judge Julie: Half her belongings, school is sued for 2.1 million.
Principal Victoria: We're ruined!
Judge Julie: Next!
[Mr. Mackey vs. Tweek. They go to their respective podiums.]
Mr. Mackey: Uh, your honor, this young man commented on the shape of my ass.
Tweek: [hops] Guh!
Judge Julie: Half his stuff, 2 million from the school.
Principal Victoria: Ogh! [faints right off the chair]
[South Park Elementary, class time, barren classroom]
Mr. Garrison: Okay, children, let's all take our seats. We have a lot to learn today. [gets out the rusty nail, but turns to see the class with Mr. Broflovski in the back] Oohh-kay. Uh, Clyde, can you tell me when Ulysses S. Grant was president?
Clyde: Um.
Gerald: [admonishing] Don't answer that!
Mr. Garrison: Uh, Craig, how about you?
Craig: Um. [Gerald whispers in his ear] Okay. I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incinerate me.
Gerald: [whispers] Incriminate.
Craig: Incriminate.
Mr. Garrison: [angrily] Okay, children, I'm having a real problem with you all having lawyers! Ir is really disrupting class time! [Gerald approaches and whispers in his ear] Uh huh. Ri- oh, uh oh, I see. Oh, okay. Ri-ight. [Gerald leaves] Kids, what I meant to say is that I fully condone you all having lawyers and support your legal recourses in every way. Now, let's get back to Ulysses S. Grant, if that's okay with you, uhum…
[Cafeteria. The boys are in line. At least the tables are still there]
Kevin: [to the redhead] Let's trade sandwiches.
[The kitchen. The poster and menu board are missing, but the counter is there]
Chef: Hello there, children!
The boys: Hey, Chef.
Chef: How's it going?
Stan: Bad.
Chef: Well, they're about to get worse. All I can serve you for lunch is lumpy potatoes.
Cartman: Lumpy potatoes?! Oh, no!
Chef: Sorry, children. All my funding's been cut.
Cartman: Oh my God! You guys have to do something!
Stan: Chef, how can we stop all these sexual assment lawsuits?
Chef: I don't know, children. [to Kyle] Why don't you ask your dad? He's a lawyer, ain't he?
Kyle: I've tried talking to him, but he doesn't want the lawsuits to stop. He's making too much money.
Chef: Well, somebody else has got to know all about this sexual harassment whosafudge.
Kyle: Hey, what about that stupid panda?
Stan: Yeah, Sexual Harassment Panda. He's the one that started all this. We have to find him!
Chef: Well, I hope you do. Otherwise, it's lumpy potatoes from here on out.
Cartman: Noooo! [runs out]
[South Park School Board meeting]
Mr. Evans: That's thrity-two more lawsuits in the past twenty-four hours.
Woman: Oh my God!
Mr. Evans: Looks like we'll have to cut all counseling and nutrition programs.
Woman: The children have started suing adults. They could sue us next.
Mr. Evans: Holy smokes, you're right!
Stan: [enter with Kyle, Cartman, Kenny] 'Scuse me. We'd like to speak with Sexual Harassment Panda, please.
Mr. Evans: Ugh! [he and the other members hide behind their chairs] P-please! Don't sue us.
Kyle: [confused] Huh?
Man: We'll give you anything you want.
Stan: We want Sexual Harassment Panda.
Mr. Evans: Oh! Well, uh… We had to let him go.
Cartman: What?!
Mr. Evans: [ducks and rises again] D'uh. I mean, he left.
Stan: Well, where is he?!
Woman: We don't know! Honestly, I swear it! Please!! Let us go!
Stan: What the hell is wrong with these people?!
[The Company]
Company rep: Well. Uh, your credentials are very impressive, and you do seem to have a lot of ambition, uh but I'm afraid there's no room for you at our comapany at this time.
Petey: It's because I'm a panda, isn't it?
Company rep: Well, ih it is because you're a panda. Euh, it's because you're a sexual harassment panda.
Petey: I can't help what I am.
Company rep: Now, have you ever heard of a retreat called "The Island of Misfit Mascots?"
Petey: Well, yes, but that place is for loser mascots that make no sense.
Company rep: Well, uh, yes. They may be… just what you're looking for.
Petey: I don't have to sit here and listen to this! How would you like a big panda punch in your puss?!
[Special Report: Sexual Harassment]
Reporter: As sexual harassment lawsuits increase all over the state, the mother of all trials is set to begin. The sexual harassment case of Everyone vs. Everyone begins tomorrow. No matter what the outcome, the public schools are sure to lose at least a whopping $30 million. Representing the side of Everyone is Gerald Broflovski, the lawyer from South Park who plans to make quite a commission. Representing the side of Everyone Else is Gerald Broflovski. So whatever the outcome, things look very bright for Kyle's dad. Personally, I think Kyle's dad is just a whore, taking advantage of everyone in town and… [a note is handed to him] This just in! Newscaster Kevin McCarty is being sued by Kyle's dad for slander. The newscaster has yet to be reached for comment. Wait…
[South Park Bar. Cool Beer In Here. A jukebox plays. Petey sits at the bar, and three unsavory patrons, two of them seated, study him.]
Jukebox: Some days just seem lonely
Still, there don't seem to be no end in sight…
Barkeep: Another scotch? [Petey nods affirmatively, and the barkeep serves up another scotch. Petey sips]
Jukebox: So I'll drive this ol' 18-wheeler down the highway…
Standing Patron: Hey! Panda bear! [Petey lowers his drink to look at him] We don't take kindly to your types in here!
Barkeep: Now, calm down, Skeeter. He ain't hurtin' nobody.
Skeeter: NO! [approaches Petey] I wanna know som'in' from Mr. Panda Bear here! If you pandas are from mountainous areas of China and Tibet, how come you eat bamboo, which is prone to grow only in drier, more arid regions?! [Petey has no answer]
Barkeep: Sk-heeter, I don't want no trouble nu-how.
Petey: It's okay. I get it. There's no room in the world for pandas. Well, you don't have to worry about me! I'm off to the Island of Misfit Mascots! [rises and goes out the door. Skeeter watches him go]
Barkeep: Damnit, Skeeter! How come every time a panda bear come in here you gotta go flappin' your jaw?
[The Broflovski house. Now it has massive front doors, five stories, and a water fountain just to the right of the doors. The garage itself is bigger than the house next to it. And the icicles are bigger, too. More furniture arrives]
Gerald: [Kyle arrives] Well? What do you think, Kyle?
Kyle: Dad? Don't you think our last new house is big enough?
Gerald: Well, this one is BIGGER!
Kyle: Tomorrow's trial, Everyone vs. Everyone, is gonna make things a lot worse! We have to stop it!
Gerald: [kneels] Kyle, let me explain something to you.
Kyle: [annoyed, looks askance] Hoh God, here we go.
Gerald: You see, Kyle, we live in a liberal, democratic society. And Democrats make sexual harassment laws. These laws tell us what we can and can't say in the workplace. And what we can and can't do in the workplace.
Kyle: Isn't that fascism?
Gerald: No, because we don't call it fascism. Do you understand?
Kyle: Do you?
Gerald: [rises] Just look at how big this house is, Kyle. Just look at it.
[While Kyle talks to his father, Stan, Cartman and Kenny go to the bar. The three patrons are still there]
Stan: [enters] 'Scuse me.
Barkeep: Yeah? What can I do for you?
Stan: Somebody told us they saw a big panda bear in here.
Barkeep: Big panda bear, big panda bear, hm.
Skeeter: Hey! Eight-year old! We don't take kindly to your types in here!
Barkeep: Now, calm down, Skeeter. They ain't hurtin' nobody.
Skeeter: NO! [approaches Stan] I wanna know som'in' from Mr. I'm Eight Years Old here! How come you types are always wearin' them funny padded shirts in the winter?!
Stan: …Coats?
Barkeep: Now, Skeeter, I don't want no trouble.
Patron with hat: [pointing at Stan] We don't take kindly to your types around here!
Stan: Dude, what the hell is going in?!
Cartman: Did you guys see a big panda bear in here, or not?
Skeeter: [pounds the counter] We don't take kindly to panda bears!
Stan: Well, we don't take kindly to you!
Patron with hat: [pointing at Stan] Well, we don't take kindly to folks that don't take kindly around here. [they look anew at each other, and nothing more is said among them]
Barkeep: Kids, there was a panda bear in here. He said somethin' about the Island of Misfit Mascots.
Cartman: Where's that?
Barkeep: If I'm not mistaken, it's over near the Jenkins place.
Stan: Come on, we'd beter hurry. [the boys make their way past the men and leave]
Skeeter: Whoa! Look at her! [a blonde sits alone at the bar] Hey! Beautiful woman! [she sips a beer and lowers the bottle] We don't take kindly to your types around here!
Barkeep: Nu-how, Skeeter. She ain't hurtin' nobody.
[The courthouse, next day. Everyone vs. Everyone begins. Everyone is chattering in the audience]
Judge Julie: This is Case No. 47g, Everyone vs. Everyone. [gavels, and all fall quiet] Representing the side of Everyone is Gerald Broflovski.
Gerald: Thank you, your honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Everyone has committed a crime here, and Everyone must pay for that crime. My client, Everyone, has been hurt by this crime and must be compensated.
[The Island Of Misfit Mascots Commune. The boys reach the front gate]
Stan: [reads] "Island Of Misfit Mascots Commune." This must be the place. [they enter]
A worm: Hello there, boys.
Stan: Whoa! Who are you?
The worm: I'm Willy, the "Don't Stare Directly Into The Sun" Worm. Now, you boys know not to stare directly into the sun, right?
The boys: Yes.
Willy: That can burn your retinas and make you blind. [pulls out some shades and a cane, puts on the shades, and sticks the cane out, to simulate a blind person, then puts his props away]
Stan: …Thanks a lot, dude.
A pig: [rushes up snapping two pairs of scissors around] Oink oink! Be sure to run around with scissors, says Oinky, the "Run Around With Scissors" Pig.
Cartman: I thought you weren't supposed to run around with scissors.
Willy: That's why he's on the Island Of Misfit Mascots. [Oinky walks away]
Stan: Have you seen any panda bears?
Willy: Hm…
A falcon: [shows up behind the boys] Hey, kids! I'm Jimmy, the "Don't Hold On To A Large Magnet While Someone Else Uses A Fan Nearby" Falcon!
Kyle: What??
Jimmy: Here, watch. [hands a large magnet to Kenny, then walks to a wind-generating fan and turns it on. As the blades rev up, the magnet tugs at Kenny]
Kenny: (You guys, come get this f*cking magnet noooowwww!) [the magnet pulls him into the blades, and he's chopped up into bits] (Argh!)
Jimmy: See?
Stan: Oh my God! They k*lled Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards! [looks further on] Hey! There he is! [Petey, the Sexual Harssment Panda, seated on a bench while a whale and an octopus dance to his song]
Petey: Who lives in the caves 'neath the willow tree?
Sexual Harassment Panda.
[the boys rush up, and the whale and octopus leave]
Stan: Dude, are we glad to find you! You have to come back to South Park, quick!
Petey: Why?
Kyle: Because! Everyone is suing everyone else, and you're pretty much the cause of it all!
Petey: Seems all I do now is cause trouble.
A badger: Hello, kidsh, I'm Happy, the "Don't Do Stuff That Might Irritate Your Inner Ear" Badger. [a long silence follows as the boys look at Happy] Well, I'll leave now.
Stan: Please, Sexual Harassment Panda. People listen to you. You have to get them to stop suing each other.
Petey: But, I'm just a panda.
Kyle: NO YOU'RE NOT, DUDE!! YOU'RE A GUY IN A PANDA COSTUME!! [All mascots within hearing distance turn to see the cause of this outburst]
Willy: [rushes over to Petey and the boys] Heeyy, I'm a real worm, pal!!
Kyle: Okay, sorry, sorry.
Cartman: You're you're a worm. That's that's cool, that's cool.
Stan: [to Petey] Okay, yyou are a panda. But being Sexual Harassment Panda isn't helping anyone right now. You used to use your panda powers to teach people about sexual harassment. But now you need to teach a new message. A new massage that people will find useful again.
Petey: What message?
Kyle: That people shouldn't sue each other all the time.
Petey: …You know? You little cubs might just be right.
Willy: Yeah!
Petey: [jumps up and stands] Okay!
[The courthouse. Closing arguments begin.]
Gerald: Your honor, I'd like to make my closing arguments.
Kyle: [bursting in] Wait! [Stan, Cartman, and Petey follow]
Mr. Garrison: Hey, it's Sexual Harassment Panda.
Stan: [faces the audience] No! He's a whole new panda now, and he's got something to say.
Petey: Hello, everyone. I'm Petey, the "Don't Sue People" Panda.
Jimbo: "Don't Sue People" Panda? [the bar patrons are present]
Skeeter: [stands up] Hey! We don't take kindly to folks that don't sue people 'round here!
Barkeep: Nuhow, Skeeter, he ain't hurtin' nobody.
Petey: Listen to me: when you sue somebody, it hurts everyone. You sue for money, but where do you think that money comes from? From the schools, from taxes, from the state. From you. [The courtroom is silent, listening] There's no such thing as free money. When you sue somebody, you take money away from parks and schools and charities, and put it in your own pocket. And that makes me a sa-a-a-a-ad panda. [reactions are seen in the faces of various people in the courtroom, even in Gerald's face.]
Bearded man: I'm a sad panda, too.
Man 1: I'm a really sad panda. I didn't know we were doing all that damage. This is all that damn lawyer's fault! [people get angry at Gerald]
Man 2: [rises] Yeah! Let's sue the lawyer!
All: [rising] Yeah!
Gerald: [approaches Petey and the boys] No! Don't you see? Th-the panda's right. Boy, what a great message he has! When you sue people, you just end up causing a lot of problems for society. Uhwell, I've really learned something today. All I could see was the millions of dollars coming to me and I didn't care about where the money came from. Well, I'm no longer doing sexual harassment lawsuits in schools! They're too vague and two easily corruptible. Thank you, Sexual Harassment Panda!
Petey: "Don't Sue People" Panda.
Gerald: Yeah, well, whatever, sooo let's… not… sue anyone again. Okay, come on, guys. Let's go get some ice cream!
Petey and the boys: Hooray!
Petey: Pandas love ice cream. [Gerald, Petey, and the boys leave the courtroom]
Judge Julie: Well, seeing as we have no lawyers, I'm throwing the case out! Case dismissed! [gavels and leaves the bench]
Skeeter: [people in the audience leave] Hey! We don't take too kindly to cases being dismissed around here!
Barkeep: [passing by] God damnit, Skeeter, shut the hell up.
[Public Service Announcement]
Petey: Hello, cubs. I'm "Don't Sue People" Panda, with an important message for you! Lawsuits damage our society. I know it's tempting to make money, but just remember: that money has to come from somewhere. And usually, it ends up hurting a lot of innocent people. So, until next time, don't let frivolous sexual harassment lawsuits ruin our schools. Good-bye now. [walks off]
[End of Sexual Harassment Panda] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x06 - Sexual Harassment Panda"} | foreverdreaming |
[The Cartman house, night. Cartman's room. Cartman plays off-camera while his plush lizard, Rumpertumskin, sits on the bed. Cartman does all the voices…]
Rumpertumskin: [as Loveless] Heheheheh! Now I will k*ll the President and Salma Hayek!
Polly: [as Salma Hayek, tied to a cross standing in for railroad tracks] Oh, save me! Who will save me?
Cartman: [in cowboy gear, and six-sh**t] I will! James West, cowboy and rap star! [whips out Clyde from behind his back] Quick, Artemus Clyde Frog! We've got to save Salma Hayek!
Clyde Frog: [as Artemus] If we save her, I am going to take off her pants and play Slip'N'Slide!
Cartman: Are you okay, Salma Hayek?
Polly: Yes, but I need to get out of here and eat some tacos and burritos. Me gusta tacos mucho!
Rumpertumskin: You cannot stop me, James West!
Cartman: Look out, Artemus Clyde Frog! It's a giant metal spider! [tosses Clyde aside, aims at a plush spider hanging on the edge of his toy box and fires] Bang! Bangbang! [strafes and performs a cartwell] Yoyoyo, jiggity jiggy with it! Bang bang bang! [tosses a baseball at the spider and knocks it out of the box] We saved the day! The Wild Wild West, The Wild Wild Wild West. Uhyo wicky wicky scratch, Uh wicky wicky scratch… [the door opens]
Liane: [nicely dressed, looks in] Eric. [he turns around and drops his shades and the g*n] The babysitter's here. Come on downstairs.
Cartman: [begging] But mmmooom, I'm playing Wild Wild West.
Liane: I have to leave soon, Eric.
Cartman: But mom, me and Artemus Clyde Frog still have to do our love scene with Salma Ha-yek.
Liane: Come down as soon as you're done. [exits and closes the door]
Cartman:
[silence, then he begins to rap]
Well, I'm a badass cowboy living in a cowboy's
Age wicky wicky scratch yo yo bang bang
Me and Artemus Clyde Frog go save
Salma Hayek from the big metal spider
Wicky wicky wick, wicky wicky wick, Fresh
Cowboy from the Westside-
[The kitchen. Liane fixes herself as Shelly looks on]
Liane: Thank you so much for babysitting little Eric, Shelley.
Shelley: Okay.
Liane: All those other babysitters won't come back.
Shelley: I charge $5 for the first hour, 5% bumps every hour after that up to six hours, which enters into golden time.
Liane: Oh, that sounds fine. I'm going to a meteor shower party. The number where I'll be is on the refrigerator. Eric's nookie time is 9 o'clock sharp. If his little woogums get cold, you can turn up the heat over here. And if he gets cranky, just play tummy-rub-rubs with him, and make sure he wipes good after he makes bears.
Shelley: Bears?
Liane: Oh! And don't mind the cat. She's just being loud because she's in heat.
[The living room. Cartman is on the sofa watching TV now, and Kitty is near him]
Kitty: Meowrowr!
Cartman: No, Kitty! I don't have anything!
Kitty: [starts rubbing her ass against the sofa] Meow rowrrowrrowrrowrrowr!
Cartman: What the hell is wrong with you?! Stop it, Kitty!
Kitty: [looks at him with her ass up in the air] Rowrrowrrowrrowrrowr!
Cartman: No Kitty, that a bad God-damned kitty! [Kitty runs away]
Liane: [enters with Shelley] Okay, muffin. Mommy's leaving now. You do what the babysitter tells you, okay?
Cartman: [absently] Uh-huh.
Liane: Be good.
Cartman: [huffs] Right.
Liane: Come give Mommy Eskimo kisses! [kneels next to Cartman]
Cartman: Aw, Ma.
Liane: Eskimo kisses for Mom-my!
Cartman: [mad] Jesus Christ. [drops to the floor, and they rub noses]
Liane: Bye, kids. [gets up and leaves the house]
Cartman: [now approaches Shelley] Well, go put that pizza in the oven, bitch! I'm hungry! [she punches him into the wall, which leaves an impact site with paint fallen off] Ow!
Shelley: Alright, turd, listen up! Now that your mom is gone, I'm in charge. I don't know how you treat your other babysitters, but when I'm babysitting, you're nothing but a little turd. You're a stinky dried-up stupid turd! Got it?!
Cartman: You can't h*t me! Didn't you see those nanny videos on TV? [she punches him, sending him into the wall again]
Shelley: My boyfriend is coming over, so you go to the kitchen, and you make us that pizza before I snap you in half like the little turd-stick you are!
Cartman: You're not allowed to have people over!
Shelley: [takes the remote] Move! [points towards the kitchen, and Cartman eventually rises and goes there]
[The kitchen. Cartman walks to the refrigerator]
Cartman: This is bullcrap! [strains to open the freezer, but fails] I can't reach the freezer!
Shelley: [from the living room] Figure it out, turd!
Cartman: [huffs] God damnit! [goes for a chair and props it up in front of the refrigerator. As he hops onto the chair, Kitty walks in still pining] Shut up, Kitty! [turns and sees the note on the freezer door, then grabs it and reads it] Any problems, contact Eric's Mommy at 303… Aha! [hops off the chair, moves it back to the table, and sits on it. He grabs a telephone] I'm gonna call mom and tell her that the babysitter is having her boyfriend come over! Then we'll see who's the turd! [he picks up the receiver, only to find a familiar voice on the line]
Shelley: …So I said, "you're a little turd!" and he w-
Cartman: [hangs up] Damnit! [waits for a moment, then picks up the receiver again. Kitty now pines on the stove]
Shelley: …But when you've seen one turd, you've seen them all. [hangs up, waits, then picks up again] …stupid turd! The one night-
Cartman: Ey! I need to use the phone!
Shelley: Oh. Hold on a second, Carrie. [enters the kitchen and pulls Cartman's underwear over his back and head, blinding him]
Cartman: Ey! Aaah! Uh-ow! Ah! [she leaves and he picks up the receiver again]
Shelley: I placed his underwear over his head.
Cartman: [hangs up and puts his underwear back in place. Kitty resumes meowing] I'm gonna get her, Kitty! Mark my words!! [her meows are persistent] SHUT THE HELL UP, KITTY!! [Kitty dashes out of the kitchen]
[The living room. Cartman watches TV]
Announcer: And now, back to the movie of the week, Aliens.
Newt: [to Ripley] They mostly come at night, mostly.
Cartman: [echoing Newt] They mostly come at night, mostly. [Shelley comes in and tosses Cartman off the sofa, then changes the channel to Friends. Cartman returns to the sofa] Ey, I was watching Aliens on TV!
Shelley: Well, I'm watching Friends, turd! [the doorbell rings] That's my boyfriend. Go answer the door while I make sure I don't have food in my braces. [Cartman answers the door and looks at a young man in baseball cap and leather jacket]
Dude: Hey there, is Shelley around?
Cartman: Who the hell are you?
Dude: I'm the guy who's gonna put a boot up your ass if you don't tell me where Shelley is!
Shelley: [appears at the door] Hey, Skyler.
Cartman: You know this guy?
Shelley: He's my boyfriend! [Cartman studies him]
Cartman: Christ, he's like 50 years old!
Shelley: He's 22! [Cartman studies him some more]
Cartman: Dude, that's not cool.
Shelley: You're a turd! You're the Turdman of Alcatraz!
Skyler: Ye Yeah-ha.
Cartman: Dude, when my mom finds out that my babysitters have their boyfriends over, she mostly gets really mad, mostly. [Skyler enters and pulls Cartman's underwear over Cartman's head. Shelley grins and Skyler drops him.] Yaaah. Eeyy! Ey, God damnit!
Shelley: Turd wedgie. Come in the kitchen, Skyler. There's refreshments [giggles and takes his hand. They walk to the kitchen. As they pass the sofa, Kitty is looking at TV]
Announcer: And now, back to Wild Animal World
Host: [a lion follows a lioness around] Here in the more arid regions of Africa, the gold-coat lions are in the throes of mating season. [Kitty watches intently as the lion overtakes the lioness. The lionness lays down] The male lion positions himself behind the female and prepares to insert his lionhood. Notice his large swollen balls. [Kitty meows loudly with excitement as the lion does his stuff] The female lion relaxes her body and says "hello" to Mr. Winky. [Kitty continues meowing. The lioness rolls over on her back] The male lion is enticed by the female's supple breasts and firm backside. [The lion moves away] Quickly and suddenly, the male is finished. Now he wants to be alone, so he kindly asks the female to leave. He promises he'll call her tomorrow. But the female doesn't leave. Nope, she's moving right in. Looks like the male lion… is screwed. [lion and lioness relax as the sun sets. Kitty is almost beside herself, rubbing her ass against the rug]
[The kitchen. Cartman cooked the pizza after all. Shelley and Skyler finish it]
Skyler: Mmmmm. [tries to kiss her]
Shelley: No, Skyler. Quit it.
Skyler: Come on, babe. How long have we known each other?
Shelley: Eight days tomorrow.
Skyler: And I still don't get any action.
Shelley: I don't know, Skyler. It's just kind of strange to me that you're 22 and all.
Skyler: But I'm still in high school. I told you: I'm a very immature 22-year old.
Shelley: Well, maybe just one kiss.
Skyler: Mmmmm [kisses her on the lips, but Cartman intrudes]
Cartman: Hey, what are you doing? [Skyler pulls back quick]
Skyler: b*at it, chubby!
Shelley: Go on, Astroturd!
Skyler: Mmmmm [a tongue-kiss]
Cartman: I'm gonna tell my mom on you.
Shelley: Turd Rock From the Sun!
Cartman: Ey! You ate all the pizza!
Shelley: We left you some crusts! [tosses some to him]
Cartman: That does it! I'm calling my mom right now, and bustin' your ass! [she snatches the note from him and sends him into the wall with one jab]
Shelley: Guess again, Richard the Turd!
Cartman: Give me that phone number!
Skyler: Come on, babe. Let's go to the living room. [they leave]
Cartman: [rises] I am not gonna be bossed around by a chick! [thinks for a moment] Maybe I'll just use my Wild Wild West techniques and get proof that Shelley had a boyfriend over.
Kitty: [walks in] Meow.
Cartman: God damnit, Kitty, you have to calm down! Here, I'll get you some catnip. [goes to the sink, opens the doors, and starts looking]
Kitty: Meow.
Cartman: Okay, okay, I'm finding the catnip. [pulls out a box of Playful p*ssy Catnip and pours some onto the floor in fron of Kitty]
Kitty: Meowrowrowrowrowrowrowrowr. [still longing for consummation, she jumps all over the kitchen knocking things over]
[The living room. Skyler strums on the guitar as Shelley listens]
Skyler: Red Rocket spills my icy soul.
Demons from Hell seek the chosen one!
Shelley: You're such an amazing poet, Skyler.
Skyler: [putting the guitar aside] Isn't this guitar awesome? It's the best of its kind, and not a scratch on it. [reaches over to kiss Shelley]
Shelley: [holding him off] Skyler, not here.
Skyler: I can't help it. I see your pretty lips and I want to kiss them. [draws her close]
Shelley: [giggles] Really?
Skyler: I cherish you, almost as much as I cherish my guitar.
Shelley: Wow!
Skyler: When I make it to the big time, I'm gonna take you shopping, and buy you lots of badass stuff.
Shelley: O Skyler, I love you. [their lips lock]
Skyler: Mmmmm. [A flash bulb goes off and Shelley stands up on the sofa]
Shelley: What the-?
Cartman: [with Polaroid camera in hand and a fresh picture] Aha, charade you are! Looks like you're the turd now!
Shelley: [lunges after Cartman] Give me that picture!
Cartman: Aaaaa! [runs away, and she gives chase. He runs up the stairs, but she catches up and grabs him by the foot halfway up the stairs. He kicks her off, then hurries to his room, closing the door on her as she reaches him] Yes!
Shelley: Open this door, Turdledove!
Cartman: I think not! I'm gonna show this picture to my mom when she gets home!
Shelley: Your mom doesn't get home for three more hours! That's plenty of time for me to make a turd sandwich out of you. [Cartman is shocked at the possibility]
[later that night]
Shelley: [banging on Cartman's door] Give me that picture, turd!
Cartman: You're never gonna get this picture! Not until my mom comes home and I can prove you had a boyfriend over heuh!
Shelley: [in the hallway] I'm gonna bust this door down! [starts baning on the door again. Kitty is meowing]
Cartman: [sees his toy frog on the bed and walks over] What should we do, Artemus Clyde Frog? [dons his cowboy hat]
Clyde: [with his Wild Wild West shades on] We've got to get that picture to your mom so that she will come home and save us.
Cartman: Oh, that's quick thinking, Artemus Clyde Frog. [doffs his hat and sees Kitty on his dresser rubbing her ass on the wall. He walks over] Listen very carefully, Mr. Kitty. I am putting this picture of the babysitter and her boyfriend on your collar. [the banging subsides] You have to take this picture to Mommy, Kitty, so that she can come home and save me. [walks to the window and sets Kitty on the sill] Now run, Kitty. Take this picture to Mommy, and lead her back here. When you return, be sure to bring Mom in through the back door. Hurry, Kitty! You're my only hope! [Kitty jumps from the window to the garage roof, then from the roof to the trashcan, then to the ground] That's it! That's it, Mr. Kitty! [Kitty ends up at the front door]
Kitty: Meow. Meow. [the door opens and Shelley takes him in]
Cartman: Oh! God damnit!
[The living room. Shelley takes the picture and the door bell rings]
Shelley: Who is that?!
Skyler: Oh, I invited the guys in the band over, so that we can practice. [moves to answer the door]
Shelley: Skyler, your band can't practice here.
Skyler: Hey, do you want me to make it or not?! Don't stand between me and my dreams, babe! [opens the door and the bandmates come in] 'Sup Mark? [carrying drums] 'Sup up. Jonesy? [carrying other droms]
Shelley: Just keep the volume down! I have to go deal with Turdboy. [walks away]
[Cartman's room. Shelley knocks on the door]
Cartman: Hey! Who was that?! Who came to the door?!
Shelley: [faking concern] Hey Eric! Your mom's been in an accident!
Cartman: [wary] You just want me to open the door!
Shelley: We need to run over to the hospital and identify her body! We'll be right back.
Cartman: What?? Ih is she okay?
Shelley: Not really. She's d*ad.
Cartman: Huh?! [quickly opens the door]
Shelley: [enters] Haha! That was a turd trick. Your mom isn't really d*ad!
Cartman: Aha! I knew it was a turd trick, and I opened the door because Mr. Kitty is on his way right now to my mom's party with the picture!
Shelley: HAha! I knew you sent the cat, and that's why I went outside and got him!
Cartman: Haaha! I saw you get the picture back from Mr. Kitty, and that's why I wrote a letter to the press! To be opened in the case of my demise! Should anything happen to me, that letter will go out, and you will never find it!
Shelley: [walks to a dresser] You mean this one? [hold out the letter she finds]
Cartman: O-kay! Let's see heuh. Haha! Um… Aw, damnit! [he turns away defeated, and she gives him another wedgie over the head] AAAAH! [she pulls him downstairs by his underpants and enters the living room. Cartman groans at every step he hits]
[living room. Shelley drags Cartman past the band and hurls him onto the coatrack]
Skyler: Okay, check check, check, 1, 2, check. Okay, ready? All right, let's try the new song. This is a song I wrote for you, Shelley. [points at her and winks. She sits on the sofa, happy] 1, 2, 1 2 3 4
When I saw her walking down the street, I thought she was Shelley, Shelley.
[she dances in place on the sofa]
Cartman: Aw, man, you guys suck.
Skyler: Now that we're together I'm absolutely sure that she's Shelley, Shelley.
Cartman: You're the crappiest band I have ever heard!
Skyler: Move into my mom's house with me, Shelley Shelley
[Outside. Kitty is at Cartman's window once again. The band is heard in the background]
Kitty: Mewo, meow, meow, meow, meow.
A cat: [from a red house nearby] Meow. [Kitty looks to see where the meow coming from] Meow.
Kitty: [urgently] Meow?
A cat: Meow. [Kitty looks to make sure there's no one around, then jumps onto a car parked on the driveway and runs away. A red van is parked on the street]
[Living room. Skyler's band continues playing]
Skyler: Bridge!
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of
Shelley Shelley!
Cartman: [rocks back and forth on his hook, hands to ears] Oh my God, somebody sh**t me in the head!
Skyler: Ey, shut up, tubby!
Cartman: Don't call me fat! Now, you guys are not supposed to be in heuh! [Shelley walks to the coatrack] You get out now and respect my authoritah! [she pulls Cartman down a bit so the coatrack can act like a slingshot. She lets go and Cartman hits the ceiling] Ow! [lands on his feet as Shelley turns to walk away. She stops to watch the band, and he picks her pocket to get his mom's note.]
[Night. Kitty wanders the streets of South Park]
Kitty: Meow?
A cat: Meow.
Kitty: Meow?
A cat: Meow. [Kitty is near the source, but keeps looking]
Kitty: Meow? [enters a small passageway between two buildings]
A cat: Meow.
Kitty: Meow?
A cat: Meow. Meow. Meow. [an obese orange cat on his back rolls over and inches over to Kitty. Kitty looks at the camera]
[Cartman's house, living room. The band finishes up]
Skyler: Yah, dude, that was hot. This guitar rocks, man! It rocks! What do you think, Shelley?
Shelley: Honestly? I think you guys need some work.
Mark: Oh, really?!
Shelley: I just think your sound is kind of… last week.
Jonesy: Oh, I'd like to see you do any better, bitch!
Shelley: Well, I do have a song I wrote.
Skyler: O-kay, why don't you sing it for us?
Shelley: Nnno, Skyler, I'm embarassed!
Skyler: Hey man, don't be shy.
Shelley: Uhwwell, okay. [hops off the sofa] I'll try. But I'm not promising anything. [Skyler moves to the keyboard as Shelley hands out her music and takes the mic] 1 2 3 4
So much pain in the world today.
Too many turds are headin' my way.
But we can press our turds together.
Passing by turds whenever.
Skyler: Don't you know? Isn't…
Shelley: Life so full of happiness?
Feel free to mark my words.
But me and you, will my love do
in a world that's full of turds? TURDS!
llama judgin finger-lovin' turds. TURDS!
[Cartman's room. He's taken the phone upstairs with him, extension and all, and he's called Liane]
Cartman: Mom! The babysitter has her boyfriend over!
Liane: No no no no, that's impossible, hon. I told her: no visitors.
Cartman: Well, there's a whole crappy band here! ["TURDS! Llama judgin' finger-lovin' turds. TURDS!"] Can you hear them? Here. Can you hear them? [directs the receiver towards the music]
Liane: This party is very loud, boopy-kins. You'll have to speak up.
Cartman: ["TURDS! Llama judgin' finger-lovin'…"] Damnit! Her boyfriend's here! Don't you believe me?!
Liane: Not really, hon. [Mr. Mackey appears behind her] Mom has to go now! I'll be home in about an hour! [Cartman just looks at the receiver] Oh! Oh, Mr. Mackey!
Mr. Mackey: Mhm, mkay? [upset, Cartman hangs up]
Cartman: I'll never be able to prove that son of a bitch was here! [looks at his Mr. Microphone-type radio] My Speak and Record bear. Of course.
[Downstairs, Shelley continues her song]
Shelley: In a world that's full of turds. TURDS!
Mark: [tiring of the song] Dude, this is gay!
Skyler: Shut up! [Shelley stares at Mark]
Mark: You shut up! Your girlfriend is not joining our band!
Jonesy: Yeah, dude. What the hell is wrong with you, anyway? She's like, 12.
Skyler: You guys, get out! Don't question my love! My love is as pure as morning snow! Get out, I said! [his mates take their instruments and leave]
[The passageway. Kitty and the fat orange cat face each other]
Kitty: Rowr! [quickly shows her ass to the orange cat, waiting for his move. The orange cat pounces on her and smothers her] (Rowrowrowrowr!) [she squeezes her way out from under him]
Oragne cat: Rowr!
Kitty: Rowr. [this time, she rolls on her back. He jumps on her and smothers her again] Hrowr!
Oragne cat: Geuugh. [Kitty makes her way out again]
Kitty: [angrily] Meowr! [the obese cat simply collapeses and sleeps] Meowuh! [seeing that the cat won't move, she leaves] Oh meah!
[Cartman's room. He begins recording]
Cartman: [softly] Testing, testing, 1 2. [stops and rewinds, then plays the tape. The recording worked] Sweet. [Shelley enters and Cartman hides his radio]
Shelley: We're going outside to watch a meteor shower! I'm locking you in your room 'til we get back in, turd!
Cartman: Okay. See you in a while.
Shelley: Wha-?
Cartman: Will you tell me what they look like? The meteor shower. They mostly come every few years, mostly.
Shelley: What the hell is wrong with you?! How come you're not yelling and whining?!
Cartman: Well, I just, I kind of like having you around.
Shelley: What?! No you don't!
Cartman: No. Um seriously. See, I never had a brother or a sister. I think people that have a brother or a sister don't realize how lucky they are. Sure, they fight a lot, but you know there's always somebody there, somebody that's family. [Shelley's face softens] I wonder if, well, maybe sometimes, I could pretend like you're my big sister. And you could kind of, watch over me. You know, like, we could watch a meteor shower together sometime. Heh, and I could pretend I'm somebody's brother, if only for a day.
Shelley: …Oh, all right, get your turd coat. You can come see the meteor shower with us.
Cartman: Yuh, you mean it?
Shelley: But don't bug me and Skyler! Come on!
Cartman: Hooray! [Shelley exits, Cartman speaks softly] Yes. I'm gonna have your and your boyfriend's voices on my Speak and Record bear, and then you'll mostly never babysit me again! Mostly.
[The Cartman backyard. Skyler and Shelley sit on a bench, Cartman stands off to the side in front of them]
Cartman: [recording] Yes, yes, what a beautiful night! It is Saturday the 12th at 10:45, and my mother is away at a party right now.
Shelley: Shut up, turd!
Cartman: That, of course, is the voice of my babysitter, Shelley Marsh, who is twelve.
Shelley: What are you doing?
Cartman: I'm just thinking out loud. [walks over to the bench and sits with his back to Skyler] Do you have anything to say, Skyler, Shelley's boyfriend who is sitting right heuh?
Shelley: Go away, turd!
Cartman: I'm sorry. Did you say something, Skyler? [Skyler simply bumps him off the bench] Agh!
[South Park. Kitty walks around looking for some action]
Kitty: Meow [a bunch of other cats answer her call. They are all sitting by some steps. She walks over, sticks her ass in the air, and the other cats jump her]
[The Cartman backyard. Meteors flash across the sky. Skyler tries to kiss Shelley. Cartman stands close to the house with his Speak and Record bear in full view]
Skyler: Yeah! Come on! Give it up!
Shelley: No.
Skyler: Give it up, babe!
Shelley: NO!
Skyler: Come on, babih!
Shelley: [pushes him off] No, Skyler, I'm not putting out for you!
Skyler: Why the hell not?!
Shelley: 'Cause I'm twelve! [Cartman moves up a bit]
Skyler: You're not putting out for me?
Shelley: No!
Skyler: Well then, screw you, bitch! I've got plenty of other girlfriends that will!
Shelley: What?? But I thought you liked me.
Skyler: If you're not puttin' out, then I'm movin' on! There's plenty of chicks like you out there! [she looks forsaken, Cartman draws closer] Screw you, prude bitch! Me and my badass guitar are going home! Hasta!
Cartman: Gotcha! [Skyler drives away in the red van]
[The living room. Shelley sits on the sofa crying, her face buried in her hands. Cartman comes dancing in]
Cartman: Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
Oh wicky wicky Wild West!
Shelley, guess who's busted! [Shelley continues crying] Hey! I said, guess who's busted! [Shelley doesn't seem to realize he's there] Eh, you're not gonna trick me, I've got the goods on you!
Shelley: [between tears] I don't care. [cries some more, then pours out her emotions] He acted like he really liked me. Nobody's ever liked me before. [now Cartman softens] I can't believe I trusted him. I'm so stupid.
Cartman: Well, Shelley, he's 22. What, what were you doing with him anyway?
Shelley: Nobody my age would go out with me 'cause I'm too ugly.
Cartman: You're not ugly.
Shelley: You don't think so?
Cartman: Well, you're pretty ugly, but, you don't have to be dating 22-year olds. I mean, what kind of scumbag assh*le dates 12-year old girls?
Shelley: You're right! He is a scumbag! I wish I could get him back! I just don't know how.
Cartman: Weh-hull, I could ask Artemus Clyde Frog. He would know.
Shelley: Huh?
Cartman: If you want, I could help you.
Shelley: Really? You would do that?
Cartman: Just let me get my cowboy hat.
[Outside. Kitty returns to the house, opens the front door, and enters]
Kitty: Mreow? Mreow? Mreow! [the other cats come in and make themselves at home. Kitty turns on the stereo and music blares from the speakers. More cats come]
[Skyler's pad. He sits on his sofa strumming his guitar. He hears a knock on the door. He gets up, opens it, and looks down. Clyde is there]
Skyler: What the hell is this?!
Polly: Help me! Help me! This is Salma Hayek. Is anybody there? [she lies next to the bear, which is playing the voices]
Skyler: Salma Hayek? Whoa, she's hot. [goes into the woods to find her]
Cartman: [dressed as James West, reaches the open door] Okay, it's clear. [Stands watch as Shelley makes her way inside]
[The woods.]
Polly: Over here! Please, come quick! [Skyler moves towards the voice]
[Skyler's pad. Cartman stands watch as Shelley gets to work]
Cartman: We don't have much time!
Shelley: This won't take me long!
[The Cartman house. The front door remains wide open as music blares from inside. Cats are all over the living room. Kitty bring a box of Playful p*ssy catnip from outside and pours out the catnip. The other cats rush towards it and divide amongst themselves. One cat makes lines of it so he can snort it, another snacks on a slice of pizza. Others sip from beer bottles. Some cats come towards Kitty and she shows her ass again.]
[Skyler's pad. Cartman grows impatient]
Cartman: Hurry up in there!
Shelley: I'm almost done.
[The woods. Skyler is looking…]
Skyler: Hello-o? Hello-o, Mrs. Hayek?
Polly: Over here! Please help me! I am lost and I have no clothes!
Skyler: [to himelf] No clothes, right.
[Skyler's pad. Shelley finishes up]
[The woods. The search continues…]
Polly: I'm over here! Please help me! I will reward you greatly!
Skyler: Right here, Miss Hayek!
Polly: Oh, please help me!
Skyler: What the? [sees the Speak and Record bear and Polly Prissy Pants on the ground]
Polly: Please help me! I will give you tacos!
Skyler: Dude, somebody tricked me! I'll make you pay for making me come out here, God damnit! [rushes home and enters] Stupid assh*le stuffed animals trying to ruin my night! [gasps loudly. His guitar is in pieces and buried in kitty litter. Shards of wood are arranged to read "King Turd" in front of the neck of the guitar] My guitar! NOOOOO!
[The Cartman house. Shelley and Cartman return home]
Cartman: That was sooo cool! I wish we could've seen his face!
Shelley: [faces him at the door] Thanks for all your help, Eric. You know, as far as turds go, you're okay. [opens the door, and they both are shocked at what they see]
Cartman: Oh my God! [the orgy is well under way]
Shelley: They're having a cat orgy!
Cartman: You are all very bad kitties! That is a bad, bad kitty!
Shelley: Your mom's gonna get home soon. We're gonna get busted!
Cartman: [gets the catnip and holds it up high] Come on, kitties. Outside. Come on. [points the way out, then goes towrads the door. The cats follow] That's it. Come on, come on. [opens the door, only to find Skyler waiting for him] Uh oh.
Skyler: You two ruined my career! I'm gonna get you! [Cartman throws the catnip at him and scores] Umph [the cats jump him] Ogh! Oh! Owey! Owwey! Duewy! Oh! [horror and then glee appear on the faces of Cartman and Shelley] Oh, you ripped my pants off! Oh my God! Oohh mmy Ggoodd!
Shelley: Come on! We've got to get the house clean before your mom gets home. [they go back inside and close the door] You know, Eric. It's kind of cool that two people who hated each other can be friends.
Cartman: Yeah. I think we get along okay.
Liane: [enters] Hi, kids. I'm home.
Cartman: Heh. [all are afraid. Two cats hide behind Kitty] Mom! Uh I can explain. It was all Shelley's fault! She didn't watch the cat!
Shelley: No! It's Eric's fault. He let those cats in here.
Liane: [holds on to the doorway] Oh, what a party that was! [walks towards the sofa] Hmm-hm-hm-hmm. Hmm-hm-hm-hmm. [Crashes onto it and falls asleep]
Shelley: Wow, she passed out.
Cartman: Luckily for us, my mom is a total lush.
Shelley: Well, let's clean up the house. Looks like everything turned out o-kay.
Cartman: That's how it goes in the Wild Wild West. [raps once more]
Cartman: [End of Cat Orgy. Shelley watches him perform and grins, then joins him in the dance]
Well, I'm a badass cowboy living in a cowboy's
Age, wicky wicky scratch yo yo bang bang
[credits roll]
Me and Artemus Clyde Frog go save
Salma Hayek from the big metal spider
Wicky wicky wick, wicky wicky wick, Fresh
Cowboy from the Westside.
Wicky wicky scratch yo yo bang bang
Me and Artemus Clyde Frog go save
Salma Frog Polly Prissy Pants go down to…
Well… mm-Rumpertumskin. | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x07 - Cat Orgy"} | foreverdreaming |
[The Marsh car, night, Randy's driving. He and Sheila take Stan along with them. It seems Shelley has already been dropped off at Cartman's house to babysit him.]
Stan: I don't want to go to this stupid party!
Randy: Come on, Stan, you're gonna have a great time.
Stan: No, you guys are gonna have a great time! Whenever there's a party, the adults get to hang out and have fun while the kids spend the night locked in the basement eating stale pretzels.
Randy: Well, your mom and I don't get out much, so you'll just have to bear through it.
[The Mackey house. The Marshes arrive. Four other cars are there, one of them double-parked. The house is festooned with stars of various sizes, with two sh**ting stars among them. A banner reads, "METEOR SHOWER PARTY" while a sign on the door reads "WELCOME SKYWATCHERS." The Marshes reach the door and Randy rings the bell. Mr. Mackey answers.]
Mackey: Hello! Welcome, hmkay? This is already a wild party, hm.
Randy: Yeah, well uh, sorry we had to bring the kid along. We had nowhere else to put him.
Mackey: Oh, that's okay. I've got a special kids' room down in the basement.
Stan: Awww!
Mackey: [leads the family across the room] Be sure to help yourselves to the crab soufflé, and uh, eh, Juanita? [clap clap] Juanita? [clap clap] We need some more finger sandwiches? [she scurries by]
[The basement. Mr. Mackey leads the family down the steps]
Stan: I don't wanna hang out in the kids' room. I won't know anybody
Randy: Well, it would be good for you to make new friends. You can't just hang out with your buddy Kyle all the time. People will think you guys are, you know, funny. Now I bet you'll have a great time.
Mackey: [opens a door] Here you go, it's right in here. [Stan enters and gasps. Before him are two classmates and a smaller kid]
Randy: We'll be upstairs if you need anything, Stan.
Stan: [soft but urgent, tugging at Randy's pants] Dad! You can't leave me here! These guys are total Melvins!
Sharon: You have fun, Stanley.
Stan: [soft but urgent, tugging at Sharon's dress] No! Mom, please! They're the geekiest kids at our school!
Mackey: We'll come get you kids when the meteor shower starts. [closes the door. Stan looks at it with hands in pockets, then he looks at the other kids. Pip, Swanson, and a first grader smile at him. Stan tries to open the door, but it's locked. He turns to face his peers.]
Pip: Cheerio, Stahan. I do say it's quite a nice surprise seeing you here.
Stan: Shut up, Pip.
Swanson: Hey, Stan. Why I-I-I sure am glad you're here, 'cause then we'll have even more fun than we, why, than we was havin' before. Why, we wuh, we were havin' an awfully good time before you showed up, too, however.
Stan: Butters, is there any way out of here?
Butters: Nope. No way out. Buh, but there ain't nothin' upstairs but an old, stupid party anyways. It's better down here in the kids' room. [motions to the little boy to his left] Uh, this here is Dougie. He's not too old, but he sure is a hoot to hang with. Uhuh, he's in first grade, I think.
Dougie: I like math.
Stan: Oh my God.
Pip: We were just playing a game called Wickershams and Ducklers. Do you want to play?
Stan: No.
Pip: I'm the head Wickerknicker. And you are all little Wickershams [Butters bows] We all sing the merry tune of Stratford until I yell, "Turrah!" and then you all fall down laughing, and I join you, as I find it funny too. Stan, would you be the Wickersham of Brumble Briar? [Stan just looks at them] And all right, here we go. Whippy-tippy tootoo, tralala-la.
All three: Whippy-tippy tootoo, tralala-la. Whippy-tippy tootoo, tralala-la. [Stan tries opening the door again]
[Upstairs. The party is well under way. Mr. Garrison walks up to Mr. Mackey]
Garrison: [quite drunk] Great party, Mr. Mackey. Mr. Hat just grabbed Principal Victoria's ass. [his right hand jerks to the right, pulling him] No! Mr. Hat, you get back here! [walks away. The Marshes and the Broflovskis stand in front of the punch bowl]
Mackey: Anyone for some meteor mai tai punch? It packs quite a whallop.
Sharon: Oh, I'll pass. I don't drink hard alcohol.
Mackey: [offers the drink] Come on! Loosen up! Meteor showers only come once in a great while. [Sharon takes it]
Randy: One little drink isn't going to hurt anything, honey. Come on, live a little.
Sharon: Well, it is kind of a special night. I guess I could… experiment. [she takes a sip]
Randy: Yeah, experiment.
[The basement. Pip, Butters, and Dougie continue with Wickershams and Ducklers. Stan sits on the floor with his back to them, arms wrapping his knees]
All three: [dancing] Whippy-tippy tootoo, tralala-la.
Pip: [all turn 'round] Wickersham tally-ho ugh. [all fall on their backs. Pip gets up] Are you sure you don't want to play, Stanley?
Stan: [looks back] Yes.
Dougie: What are you? A sourpuss?
Butters: Uhuh, you uh really oughta play, Stan. It's an awfully fun game. Ah I've never been to England, but uh I'll bet the people there are really nice. [Pip walks off] Are people nice in England, Pip? I bet they are, huh? [annoyed, Stan covers his ears] They got those thick noses and all.
Pip: [looks in a box] Hey, look at this!
Butters: Uh what is it? Is it something neat? Uh I wonder what it could be. [he and Dougie reach the box and look in]
Pip: [leafing around] It's a box filled with ladies' clothes.
Dougie: [pulls out a padded bra and checks it out] Neato.
Butters: Hey, you know what we could do with these lady clothes, huh? Wuh-y why we could play Charlie's Angels.
Stan: [incredulous] Oh, dude, you've gotta be kidding me.
Pip: [hopping] Yes, let's! Can I be Jaclyn Smith? Can I?
Butters: No, uh I get to be Jaclyn Smith. See, uh I thought of Charlie's Angels, and I get to be Jaclyn Smith 'cause I thought of it.
Pip: [twirls with joy] Oh, this sounds as much fun as Wickershams and Ducklers! Come on, Angels. Let's get dressed. [walks over to Stan] Which ladies' garments would you like, Stan?
Stan: Dude, I'm not putting on ladies' clothes, and I'm not playing Charlie's Angels! You guys are Melvins, and I'm not one of you! So you go ahead and be Melvins, and leave me alone!
Pip: Well. [turns and walks away] Alrighty then.
[The backyard. A hot tub sits just behind the house. Mr. Mackey leads the Marshes and Broflovskis to it]
Mackey: Here it is. I just had the hot tub put in last week.
Gerald: Wow, neat!
Sheila: It looks quite inviting.
Mackey: Yeah, you can get a lot of action when you have a hot tub.
Sharon: Oh Mr. Mackey, you nut.
Randy: Hell, we should get in.
Gerald: Yeah.
Mackey: Sure, go ahead. It's a-it's a party, isn't it? Mkahy?
Sharon: Oh, I'm not hot-tubbing. I have nothing to wear.
Mackey: Hm huheh, that's okay. [giggles]
Sheila: No hot tob for me!
Gerald: Well, screw you guys! [disrobes and jumps in]
Randy: I'm getting in for a while, too. [disrobes and jumps in] Geronimo!
Sharon: Oh, look at our boys, Sheila. [Randy and Gerald splash each other] It's just like they're in college again.
[The basement. The Angels are dressed and ready for action, but…]
Pip: Okay, Angels, what's our mission this week?
Butters: Well, I don't know what our mission is. Do you know what our mission is, little first-grade kid?
Dougie: How should I know?
Pip: Oh, dear. We're Charlie's Angels, but we don't have a mission.
Butters: Hey, that's because we need Bosley. Uh Bosley always told the Angels what their mission was. Remember Bosley? Wah uhwhy uhwhy we need somebody to be Bosley. [strokes his chin. All three look around, but the silence alerts Stan]
Stan: [looks back displeased] What?
Pip: Well, we hate to trouble you, Stan, but would you mind terribly being Bosley for us?
Stan: [grudgingly] What do I have to do?
Butters: Uh you just got- you just gotta tell us what our mission is, that's all. That's all Bosley does. Just give a mission, and us Angels will accomplish it.
Stan: Alright, alright. Here's your mission. In ten minutes this room is gonna fill up with water and drown everybody. You have to find me a way out of this room, fast.
Pip: Oh, that's a splendid mission!
Butters: Well, what are we waitin' for? We've gotta find a way out of this room, by golly, or else we're gonna get drowned. Come on, Angels! [they go in different directions, but Dougie pauses]
Dougie: Which Angel am I again?
[The hot tub. Gerald and Randy relax in its bubbling warmth]
Randy: Oh boy, it's nice to have a night out without the kids, huh?
Gerald: Yeah, I know what yuu mean.
Randy: I love havin' a family and all. I just… miss being able to party. Drinking and socializing, and experimenting with all kinds of different things.
Gerald: Well, that's what being young is all about. Once you have a family and a career, your experimenting days are over. But tonight is the exception; that's why I'm gonna smoke this cigar. [brushes it under his nose and sniffs it] Only 'cause I've never smoked before. [picks up a lighter and lights the cigar, then sets the lighter back]
Randy: Good idea.
Gerald: What haven't you tried that you've always wanted to try?
Randy: Hohn. [raises his elbows to the rim] Um, I don't know. Maybe I'll drink a few more beers and see where the party takes me.
Gerald: Yeah! …Was that your leg?
Randy: Huh? Oh, you mean, this?
Gerald: Yeah.
Randy: Yeah. That, that was me.
[The basement. Pip rushes up to Stan]
Pip: Bosley! Bosley!
Stan: [in no mood for role-playing] What, Pip?
Pip: Oh no no no. My name is Sabrina Duncan. Remember? We're playing Charlie's Angels.
Stan: What the hell do you want?!
Pip: Well, we've completed our mission. Jill found a way upstairs.
Stan: You did? [rises and walks to the way]
Dougie: [dressed as Jill] Air shaft.
Butters: Dougie pushed that big box out of the way and found this old ventilation duct. And I reckon it's got to lead somewhere, and and it's good 'cause, uh 'cause now we won't drown.
Pip: So Bosley, what's our next mission?
Stan: We're going upstairs.
Butters: Upstairs? Uhwhy why there's ain't nothin' upstairs but adults. Uhwhy would we want to go upstairs for?
Stan: Because, you stupid Melvins, they have rad food and desserts upstairs! [crawls into the duct]
[The hot tub]
Randy: Hey, did you see Principal Victoria in there? She looks hot.
Gerald: She sure does. I wouldn't mind takin' that home.
Randy: O-hoh, yehah, I'm sure your wife would love that.
Gerald: I wish. That's the one thing I've always thought of experimenting with. A threesome
Randy: [eager to know] With two girls or two guys?
Gerald: Huh, well, two girls, of course! I mean …with another guy, you know, that'd be… [ends up staring at Randy]
Randy: You, you never have a h*m* fantasy? Not that I have.
Gerald: You haven't?
Randy: No, I mean… Well, they say everybody has at some point, don't they?
Gerald: Well, I never really wanted to experiment with anything too crazy. You know… maybe just… I don't know… masturbate in front of another guy.
Randy: Yeah well, that, that's not really …gay, is it?
Gerald: NO, no, uh I don't think so.
Randy: …Well it is a night for experimenting.
Gerald: Sure is. [both of them wait for the other to make the first move, then…]
Randy: Okay, I'll start. [begins]
[some activity is going on out on the street. Someone is looking at the house through night-vision scopes and taking snapshots. One of those sh*ts is of Liane talking to her son over the phone. Five A*F agents are now seen looking at the house from across the street]
A*F lead: This must be the place. They've got all kinds of crazy stuff going on in there.
A*F agent: [talks into a communicator] Code 7. We believe we have found the compound. Request immediate backup. [the A*F lead looks at the house again]
Barbrady: [immediate indeed, appears in the lead's sights] Okay, so just what is going on here, people?
A*F lead: Get down! [pulls him into position along with the others]
Barbrady: What?
A*F lead: It's just like we told you, officer! There's a religious cult in there that plans to commit mass su1c1de when the meteor shower starts. [resumes viewing, but is interrupted]
Barbrady: Are you sure?
A*F lead: Of course we're sure! [points out the initials on his cap] We're the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms! It's our job to know what these fanatics do!
Barbrady: So what does the A*F do when religious fanatics are gonna commit mass su1c1de?
A*F lead: Oh, don't worry! We won't let that happen! Even if it means we have to k*ll each and every one of them.
[Out front, later. A*F trucks and t*nk roll in and more agents arrive]
A*F lead: What's the situation?
A*F agent: [coming in from reconnaissance] Apparently, we've got at least five dozen men and women in there who intend to commit su1c1de when the meteor shower starts.
A*F lead: Any luck talking to somebody in the house?
A*F agent: We've tried calling, but there's no answer. I think we're gonna have to move in, sir.
A*F lead: Alright. Johnson!
Johnson: [a marksman, runs up] Sir!
A*F lead: I'm sending you in. Watch your ass.
Johnson: Yes, sir! [makes his way to the front door while stopping at various points for better views. He rings the doorbell with his elbow, but doesn't wait for an answer]
[The Mackey house, living room. Johnson now looks around the living room, but no one seems to be alarmed at his presence. Mr. Mackey's face soon fills the view]
Mr. Mackey: Oh, come on in. Join the party, mkay? [Johnson, surprised, lowers his guard] Would you like a meteor mai tai?
Johnson: Heeey, I love mai tais! [closes the door]
[The living room, at the ventilation duct. Stan leads the others out]
Pip: We did it! Great job, Angels!
Butters: So what's our mission now, huh Bosley? Uh wha what do you want us to do now, I wonder?
Stan: [mischief flashing across his face] Alright, Angels. Uh, your next job is to get Bosley some cookies and a TV set.
Pip: What kind of cookies do you want, Bosley?
Stan: I don't care, just hurry! [the Angels walk away]
Butters: Well, hooray!
[The deck. Gerald and Randy have left the hot tub and are getting dressed. Things get awkward]
Gerald: [buttoning his jacket] So uh. Well. That was certainly… interesting.
Randy: [tying his shoes] …Yeah.
Gerald: Uh, you don't regret doing it now, do you?
Randy: No no. …Wuh what's there to regret, right? I mean…, all we did was watch each other …masturbate. That's that's not gay or anything. We said so, right?
Gerald: Thuh that's right. Ir's just harmless experimenting.
Randy: Well, let's get back into the party and see what everyone is doing. [turns to go in]
Gerald: Hey. [Randy looks] Nothing changes between us, right? I mean, we're still friends.
Randy: Um… Yeah yeah sure sure. [goes inside]
[Outside, the A*F agents are armed and ready to f*re. The lead agent reviews the situation inside with his scopes]
A*F lead: Damnit, where is Johnson?!
A*F agent: No communication, sir. It doesn't look good for him.
A*F lead: Those bastards!
[Inside. Johnson is dancing away. A couple is about to leave the party]
Man: Great party, Mr. Mackey. Thank you so much.
Mr. Mackey: Well, are you sure you have to leave so early?
Woman: We both have to be up early tomorrow, but thanks again.
Mr. Mackey: Mkay. Drive carefully, mkay? [waves them off and closes the door]
[Outside, The couple walks a few steps before two spotlights stop them in their tracks]
A*F lead: [On a bullhorn] Hold it right there! Whatever it is you are intending to do, do not do it! [the man shrugs] Your freaky religious cult will not succeed in its plan!
Man: What?
A*F lead: Do not move, or we will be forced to sh**t- [ratatatatatatat. The couple dies and the lead lowers the bullhorn] God damnit, who was that?! [most of the agents raise their hands] Did you see them move?!
Agent 1: …I did.
Agent 2: [next to floodlight] Yah.
Agent 3: Yeah, they moved alright.
[Inside, several men gather around Jimbo and Randy.]
Jimbo: Well, I tell you what: we may not have Elway this year, but Brister won every game he started in last year.
Burly man: Eh that's true, but Elway was the heart of the team. Who's the leader now?
Blond man: I think the Jets are gonna be the team to b*at this year in the AFC.
Randy: Yeah. Hey uh, if you watch another guy masturbate, does that make you gay?
Jimbo: …What??
Randy: Well I just… I have this buddy, uh, he, sat and watched another guy …play with himself.
Burly man: Well… Let's go kick his ass!
Other men: Yeah!
Jimbo: Where is he?!
Randy: Oh he, he lives in, like, Florida.
Burly man: Aw! [the men disperse]
Gerald: [walks up] Hey, Randy. What are you doing? [pats him on the back]
Randy: [subdued] Nothing. Uh. I'm gonna go get some chips.
Gerald: Can I come with you?
Randy: [softly] Okay. [rolls his eyes]
[Mackey's bedroom. Butters leads Stan inside]
Butters: Come right on in here, Bosley. Huhwell, it was my idea. [Pip and Dougie are already inside, waiting] Uh I got to thinkin', "Wuh, where do people keep TV sets?" and then I remembered that lots of grownups have TV's ih in their bedrooms. So, so I walked into Mr. Mackey's bedroom and er and sure enough, here it was.
Stan: Rad! [hops on the bed and starts switching channels]
Pip: Okay, Bosley, we got you cookies and a TV set. So what's our next mission?
Stan: There are no more missions. I have everything I want. [four shows and a commercial pass by as he channel-surfs.]
Butters: Wwe ain't got no more missions? Uhwhawhat are we supposed to do? We're Angels. Whawhat do Angels do without a mission?
Stan: [annoyed] Just… play something else! God!
Pip: Oh dear. We've angered Bosley.
[Breaking news]
Reporter: Tom, I'm standing in front of a house where a religious cult is planning to commit mass su1c1de when the meteor shower starts.
Stan: Whoa, cool!
Dougie: I wanna be a reporter someday.
Reporter: Just moments ago, a couple emerged from the house. [footage of it is shown] According to the A*F, the couple refused to cooperate, then pulled out very big g*n and started sh**ting everyone. The A*F had no choice but to sh**t the insane couple, and now a standoff has ensued.
Pip: Oh, looks like that cult is about to be blown into tiny bits.
Reporter: The A*F commander tells us that he has reason to believe there may be children inside and that they are the primary concern of all. There are choppers here along with several t*nk. [choppers and t*nk are heard coming in] The commander is very concerned about what the mood is inside.
Stan: [as the reporter speaks] Wait a minute [hops off the bed and walks towards the window. He looks out] Oh my God! [runs back to the others] Dude! That's this house. They think our parents are the religious cult!
Dougie: Do you think someday I can be a reporter?
Reporter: We just received a photo from the recon team of the action inside the house [Stan looking out the window just moments before] showing eveidence that there are indeed innocent children trapped inside. Those sick cult fanatic bastards!
Stan:: Dude!
Butters: Hey, uhour parents aren't religious fantastics. Why, we gotta tell them that they're makin' an awful mistake, don't we?
Pip: Yes. Come on, Angels. Looks like we have a new mission.
[The living room. Everyone is carrying on, drinking and dancing, oblivious to the commotion outside. Randy sits on the sofa, his hands to his eyes, his mind in turmoil. Gerald walks up to him]
Gerald: [sits] Randy, you're making me feel unimportant. Talk. Talk, damn you.
Randy: I'm just having a hard time with what we did in the hot tub.
Gerald: So, so now we can't be friends?
Randy: I didn't say that. I mean, I don't know, I… I just feel so strange. I know it's ridiculous, but I can't help feeling like people here know. You know? Like, even though nobody could know, 'cause we said we'd never tell anybody.
Gerald: We said we'd never tell anybody?
Randy: [now cross] Well, of course we wouldn't.
Gerald: Oh, uh I didn't realize that. [looks away ashamed]
Randy: [sensing betrayal] Yuh… You didn't …tell anybody, did you?
Gerald: Well, uh uh a few people, yeah.
Randy: [hushed] What?! Why the hell would you do that?!
Gerald: You didn't say not to tell anyone.
Randy: [hushed] Well, of course! I thought it would be implied! When you masturbate with another guy in a hot tub, you assume that nobody is gonna tell anybody! [looks around in desperation to make sure no one else is listening]
Gerald: Listen to you. You're yelling at me; you've never yelled at me before.
Randy: AAAW!! [jumps up and hurries away]
Stan: [rushes out with the others in tow] Hey you guys! We've got a big problem! [sees everyone quite drunk. A naked man dances by with a lampshade on his head] The A*F is outside and they think you're all a religious cult. You've gotta go talk to them. [the adults didn't hear him]
Butters: Huh how come they're actin' that way, Stan, huh? Uh how come they're laughin' and fallin' down and such?
Stan: [sees his mom waddle by] Mom, go look outside.
Sharon: [drunk, with mai tai in hand] Mommy's little boopie-kins [falls down and out]
Butters: Uh let me handle this, Stan. [walks forward] Uh now l-listen up and listne good, everyone! Why, I'm awful disappointed in you drinkin' and carryin' on this way! Why you uhyou should be ashamed of yourselves! Uh if you don't get outside right now, and tell those army guys you're not religious fantastics, there's, why there's gonna be heck to pay. Uh, heck, I tell ya! [The adults laugh and his face drops]
Stan: Come on, we're gonna have to go tell 'em ourselves. [walks to the door. The others follow]
[Outside. The boys step out, the A*F agents reload, and the door closes. The spotlights come on and the commander takes up the bullhorn]
A*F lead: Lay down your w*apon!
Stan: We don't have any w*apon.
A*F lead: Go back inside and tell everyone that they are surrounded! Tell them to come out peacefully, and we will not sh**t them. [ratatatat]
Butters: Whoa!
Stan: Get back inside! [opens the door and the boys hurry in]
A*F lead: I don't think they're gonna come out. Use the Ganz technique.
Barbardy: What's the Ganz techique?
A*F lead: This is what we did in Waco. [two monster speakers are moved into place on either side of the front of the house. A technician readies the large CD player] Play really bad music really loud until it drives them nuts and makes them want to come out. [the technician presses a button and a garbled song plays] Nobody can stand this much Cher. This is her new album. If this doesn't drive them out, nothing will.
[Living room, the stereo. Mr. Mackey turns on the very same song and starts dancing to it]
Garrison: That's great music, Mr. Mackey. What is that?
Mackey: Uh this is Cher. This is her new album.
Garrison: Well, hell, turn it up.
[Living room, away from the stereo. Randy is walking around. Two men talk in the foreground]
Goateed man: Yeah, well, you know what I heard? I I heard that he's gay.
Other man: Oh, is he?
Randy: [runs up] Who?!
Goateed man: Huh?
Randy: Who who did you hear is, is gay?!
Goateed man: Ricky Martin, the singer.
Randy: Oh. [the two men walk away as Gerald approaches]
Gerald: Hey, Randy, what's up?
Randy: [tenses up] What the hell is that supposed to mean?!
Gerald: Huh?
Randy: Ssh-shouldn't you be hangin' out with your wife right now?
Gerald: Wulluh uh I just felt like talkin' to you.
Randy: There's nothing to talk about.
Gerald: You're having regrets, aren't you?
Randy: No, I-… I don't know.
Gerald: Hey. Talk to me.
Randy: No!
Gerald: I thought we agreed what happened in the hot tub wouldn't change our relationship.
Randy: Will you stop it?! I don't… I just…
Gerald: Hey, Mr. Withdrawn, you might not need to talk about it, but I sure do.
Randy: Aaww! [rushes away] Sharon? [finds her at a table and genuflects] Sharon, cuh can we go?
Sharon: [swaying] Go?? The meteor shower hasn't even started yet.
Randy: [his voice grows urgent] Uh I know, but I want to make love to you right now. I have to make love to you right now.
Sharon: Randy, relax. We don't ever get to party. Now come on! Loosen up! Experiment!
Randy: Ogh, I already did.
Stan: [rushes up with the other boys] Dad! Dad, they sh*t at us.
Randy: Not now, Stanley. [gets up and walks away. Stan watches him go, then turns to Sharon]
Stan: Mom!
Sharon: Whoopee! [gets up, and the bowl of chips drops to the ground. She faints on the table. Stan looks around, not sure how he can rouse the adults to action, drunk as they are.]
Butters: [panicking] Hey, what are we gonna do, huh?! Ughuh uh they sh*t at us! They really sh*t at us! They, they ain't gonna stop until we're all d*ad, I betcha. Huh us and all our families.
Stan: [slaps Butters across the face with a backhand and grabs him by the collar] Get ahold of yourself, man! [lets go]
Butters: How come you slapped my face, Stan, huh? Why uhwhy on earth would you do that, anyways?
Stan: Come on. We have to find out what's happening. [leads the other boys to the bedroom]
[Mackey's bedroom. The boys enter and check out the news again.]
Reporter: I'm standing now with Danny Ganz, the commander of the A*F. Commander, what is the latest?
Ganz: We have not had any cooperation with the cult inside the house. They are refusing to come out, and apparently they still plan to commit mass su1c1de once the meteor shower starts, which should be any moment now.
Dougie: See how reporters get to wear those cool jackets? That's why I wanna be a reporter.
Reporter: So what are your plans, commander?
Ganz: Right now, our plan is to burn the house down. If we set it on f*re, they'll have no choice but to come out.
Butters: Oh dear God, they're gonna set us on f*re. Uhoh, great Jesus, son of Mary, wife of Joseph, what are we gonna do, huh? Huhoh, sweet Joseph, husband of Mary but not father of sweet Jesus-
Stan: Sh!
Reporter: Setting them on f*re seems a little dangerous, commander.
Ganz: It is, but we can't let them k*ll themselves.
Stan: We have to let them know that this isn't a cult party.
Pip: But we can't. They'll just sh**t at us again.
Butters: Uhuh, they're gonna burn us up and act like nothin' happened. Oh, sweet Jesus, Mary, mother of Jesus, wife of Joseph, father to Mary, well- Wait. Mary, wife uh… Oh, hold on.
Stan: Come on, Angels. We've got a new mission. And this time, it's for real. [walks off]
[Outside. The reporter continues]
Reporter: For hours now, the A*F has tried to communicate with the religious fanatics inside this house. The meteor shower is expected to begin at any moment, and so time is running out.
[Inside, the party continues.]
Mackey: Hoh, look. Harold's doing it again, hm huh hnmkay? [Harold is wearing a lampshade, but he's fully dressed. The camera moves to the crowd, then to the ground, where Dougie is standing with microphone in hand]
Dougie: This is Jill Munroe reporting live from inside the meteor shower party. [Stan is filming, Butters is cueing] As youu can see, this is a perfectly normal party. Nobody is k*lling themselves. We tried to tell A*F people, but they sh*t at us. [aside] Anything else?
Stan: Tell them not to burn us down.
Dougie: Oh yeah. Don't burn us, please. Jill Munroe, GFN news.
Pip: Now what do we do?
Stan: [removing the tape from the camera] Now we find a way to get this tape to the real reporters.
Dougie: Hey, I'm a real reporter.
Stan: You're right. You are, Dougie. You did an awesome job. [Dougie smiles]
[Outside, Ganz is back behind the f*ring line with the bullhorn]
Ganz: Attention, cult people! Do not commit mass su1c1de! There are so many reasons not to k*ll yourselves! Flowers, for instance. And backrobs. [turns off the bullhorn and listens for a moment] Alright, I'm through trying to reason with them. Send in the Negotiator! [a large truck hauls a large cannon in. The barrel of the cannon reads, "NEGOTIATOR"]
Reporter: [approaches] Excuse me, but what proof do you have that those people inside are religious fanatics?
Ganz: We know what we're doing. We did this all before in Waco.
Reporter: Uh yes, but you totally screwed up Waco. You k*lled a bunch of innocent people and then tried to say they k*lled themselves.
Ganz: [holds out a beanie baby] Look. You see this? You see this?
Reporter: Yes.
Ganz: You see it? You see it? Go get it. [throws it away to his left] Go get it! [the reporter soon moves in the direction of the throw] Alright, let's get ready to kick some religious fanatic ass!
[Inside. Randy is scarfing down some nachos at the snack table, and Gerald approaches him. Randy sees him and gives him the evil eye, then moves to the mai tai bowl. Gerald follows. Randy glowers at him]
Gerald: Having a good time?
Randy: Yeah, swell! Could I just… have a few minutes alone?
Gerald: I'm not gonna let you change on me, Randy. Just because we shared an intimate moment in the hot tub, I won't let it change our friend-
Randy: [irritated, interrupts] We did not share an intimate moment, okay?! That makes it sound gay! [walks away]
[Outside. The front door opens and six guests exit]
Guest: Good night, everyone.
Ganz: Look out! [ratatatatatatatatatat. Screams are heard as the guests are h*t. The guests die on the spot] Ho-old your f*re! Okay, hrm. [on the bullhorn] People at the door! That was a warning! Go back inside and tell the others that they now have one minute to surrender! [the Negotiator is aimed right at the front door]
[The boys are in Mr. Mackey's bedroom. From outside, the boys are seen looking out the window]
Stan: Oh no, we're out of time! [hops down and moves away. He ties some rope around Butters' middle] Are you sure you can do this, Butters?
Butters: Wuh, no, I'm not sure. Uh-I'm not sure at all. Wha-what am I doin' again?
Stan: We're just gonna slide you down this rope, and then you've gotta get our exclusive video to that reporter down there. [hands him the video]
Butters: Tha-at sounds awful dangerous.
Stan: Can you h*t a target, Pip?
Pip: [with bow and plunger] I was archery-class esquire at Stratfordshire. [pulls back on the bow]
Stan: h*t something nice and solid now. [Pip releases the plunger, with rope attached, and it lands on the left side of Barbrady's head. Barbrady moves just a bit, then sips his coffee]
Pip: [pulls the rope taut] I think that's got it.
Stan: Nice job, Pip.
Pip: Did I do a nice job? Really?
Stan: Alright, Butters. Now it's your turn. [he and Dougie help Butters onto the window sill and hook him up to the rope]
Butters: Wha-ah I don't know about this, uh. I think I'll reconsider. Yep uh I think reconsiderin' is the thing to do right now. [Dougie pushes him off] Waaah! [slides down to Barbrady and bounces off the hook] Gooh. [runs to the reporter]
Stan: He made it down. [Pip and Dougie grin]
[Outside.]
Ganz: Alright, people, prepare to f*re on my command! [the agents take aim]
Butters: Uhuh, Mr. Reporter, sir?
Reporter: Huh?
Butters: Uhuh wuhwe've got an eyewitness exclusive video for you, sir. [hands it to the reporter, who inspects it]
[Inside, living room. Randy stands alone in the middle of the crowd, despondent]
Gerald: [walks up] Honey?
Randy: [hushed] God, everybody's looking at me. Everybody knows.
Gerald: Everybody doesn't know. And why are you so ashamed of me?
Randy: What's happened to you?! You've become all needy and talkative and-!
Gerald: I just want to know it meant something to you.
Randy: It didn't mean anything to me, Gerry! [the music stops] All we did was watch each other masturbate in the hot tub! [people turn and stare. One man gasps and Sharon lifts her head from the floor]
Man in briefs: Aw, I was just in the hot tub. [a man next to him pulls away]
Randy: Yeah! Yeah, it's true! I thought it would be exciting, and maybe it was, but I can't deal with your accusing stares! [sh*ts of various people looking at him] We watched each other jack off in the hot tub! There! We did it! I'm not proud of it, but there it is!
Mackey: Uh. Well, it's not like you're the only guy who's ever watched another guy masturbate; I've done it.
Ned: Mmm-me too. [other men begin to answer]
Man 1: Yeah, uh I've done it a few times.
Man 2: Yep.
Man 3: Yup.
Man 4: Uh huh.
Man 5: Me too.
Man 6: Myeup, me too.
Man 7: Yup.
Jimbo: Aw, hell, uh I've done it too. With Cameron here. [points to the burly man who spoke earlier]
Mackey: [music resumes] Uh, Juanita, could you fix some more dip, please, Juanita? [she goes to do it, and conversation resumes among the guests]
Randy: You mean it? I'm not gay?
Jimbo: [walks up] Hwell… maybe a little. But we're all a little gay.
Randy: Oh, I feel so much better! Wow!
Gerald: So we're friends again?
Randy: Uh, you bet we are, Gerry! I feel great! I feel like I could take on the world! Everything's gonna be okay!
[Outside. The Negotiator is rolled into placed and aimed once more]
Ganz: Alright everyone, f*re!
Reporter: [runs in front of the cannon and waves his arms] Hold on just a minute! This is Derek Smalls reporting. We have just received an exclusive video from inside the house [holds it up], proving that the people inside are not cultists after all.
Ganz: [to an agent] Uh oh. [runs to address the agents and waves his arms] Uh uh attention everyone! This has only been a test. Good job, men, on this, uh, simulation.
Blond agent: Simulation?
Ganz: [to the blond] Sh. [to all] All is well. Do not sh**t at [BOOM. The cannonball hits a house behind Mackey's, then bounces to crush another, then another, and yet another. Stan, Pip, and Dougie rush outside to join the reporter.]
Pip: O-hoh, I believe we've saved the day! [Butters joins them]
Ganz: Woops.
A*F agent: Sir, this isn't gonna look good.
Ganz: You're right. Quick, let's get out of here! [in the blink of an eye, every A*F agent and vehicle rushes away, leaving a clear road]
Derek: Say, that was a fine piece of journalism, boys.
Dougie: Wow, you mean that?
Derek: Sure. Why, with your tape, I'll be able to make millions and further my career beyond my wildest dreams. [walks away with the tape]
Butters: Uhuh oh uh, uh hooray, then!
Pip: There. Angels, I must say I think we did a smashing job.
Butters: Uh we, we sure did. Why, we put the fear of God in those A*F sons of g*n, I can tell ya.
Stan: But you know, I learned something today. I used to call you guys Melvins. But you're just kids, like me. We separate you in school because you talk different and you study too hard, but we've proven tonight that we can all get along.
Butters: Uh, so you mean we can stay friends, Stan? Wouldn't that be swell, huh?
Kyle: [shows up] Dude! I'm glad to see you. You would not believe the night I had.
Stan: You?! You think you had a bad night?! I had to hang out all night with these friggin' Melvins!
Kyle: Hoh, dude, weak.
Stan: Super weak.
Kyle: Come on. I'll tell you all about what happened to me. [goes inside with Stan and Ike, leaving the Melvins outside sad.]
[End of Two Guys Naked In A Hot Tub. Cher's mangled song plays.] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x08 - Two Guys Naked In A Hotub"} | foreverdreaming |
[The Broflovski house. Gerald and Sheila are with Ike at his changing table in his room.]
Sheila: Hold still, Ike! We have to get you dressed! Where the heck is Kyle?
Gerald: I don't kow. Come on, Kyle! You're gonna be late for Jew Scouts!
[Kyle looks in the bathroom mirror to make sure everything is set, and hums. Both he and Kyle have little pigtails hanging from their hair.]
Sheila: Kyle!
Kyle: I'm coming, Ma! [the doorbell rings]
Sheila: Go get the door, Kyle!
Kyle: [to himself, angrily] "Get ready," "answer the door," Jesus Christ, make up your frickin' mind! [exits]
[The living room. Kyle walks across to the front door and opens it]
Kyle: Oh! Hey, Kenny.
Kenny: (Kyle, I'm gonna camp and watch the meteor shower. Do you wanna come and see it with me?)
Kyle: I can't watch the meteor shower with you, Kenny. I have to go to Jewbilee.
Kenny: (What's that?)
Kyle: It's what we do in Jew Scouts. Usually we just sit around and make stuff. But tonight, because there's a meteor shower, we're gonna do some big thing out in the woods. It's gonna suck ass, I'm sure.
Kenny: (Oh, that's alright.)
Kyle: Hey! Maybe you can come with me. Then it won't suck so hard.
Kenny: (Really?) [follows Kyle to the sofa, where Kyle's parents now wait]
Kyle: Mom? Can Kenny go to Jewbilee with me?
Sheila: …Uhwell, Kyle, Jewbilee is sort of a …special thing.
Kyle: …Oh. Kenny isn't special?
Kenny: (Aw.)
Sheila: No, no, you're very special, Kenny. It's just that… well, Jewbilee is… for Jewish kids. [Kyle and Kenny have blank stares]
Gerald: You see boys, Jew Scouts is a special group that borrows a little bit from all different Jewish denominations. From the Orthodox Jews, from the Hasidic Jews, from the Northern Italy Cave Jews… But you have to believe the basic tenets of Judaism to be a Scout.
Kyle: Kenny'll believe whatever you want him to.
Kenny: (Yeah.)
Sheila: Kyle, eh, the problem is-
Kyle: Please, Ma. I don't think Kenny has anywhere else to be tonight.
Gerald: Oh, all right. Just don't let any of the elders know that he isn't Jewish, okay?
Kenny: (Woohoo!)
Sheila: Come on, Ike! [he hops in] It's time to go to Squirts!
Kenny: (Squirts?)
Sheila: You have to be in Squirts if you're too young to be a Jew Scout.
Kenny: (Oh.)
Sheila: Don't worry, Kenny. I'll fill you in on our faith on the way up there. [everyone heads out the door]
[In the car. The family and Kenny drive south as a full moon rises. Sheila gives a quick overview of the Old Testament, or Tanakh]
Sheila: And then, Kenny, Abraham's wife bore him no children. She had a handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said unto Abraham, "Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing. I pray thee, go into my maid."
Kenny: (Uh huh.)
Sheila: Abraham begat Isaac, who the Lord then said to k*ll. But that was just a little silly trick to see if Abraham would do it.
Kenny: (Uh huh!)
Ike: Eng jeck. [takes off his cap]
Kyle: No, Ike! Ma, Ike keeps taking off his Squirt uniform!
Sheila: Ike, you behave!
Ike: Buwor? [takes off his cap again.]
Kyle: No, Ike!
Ike: Buh buh buh buh [the cap is back on, the bandana comes off]
Kyle: I don't think Ike wants to go to Squirts.
Gerald: [turns to face the boys] Ike, your brother Kyle was in Squirts, and so was I. You have to go so someday you can be a big brave Jew Scout.
Ike: No-o [takes off the pigtails]
Gerald: Tell Ike how much fun Squirts is, Kyle.
Kyle: What? You want me to lie?
Gerald: Yeah, lie.
Kyle: Oh. Ike, Squirts is so much fun-
Sheila: Oh my God, what is that?! [brakes hard and stop. A big brown bear is walking towards them.]
Gerald: Hey, it's a bear! [the bear turns left and walks into the woods]
Kyle: Wow, cool.
Sheila: This retreat really is out of the way, isn't it?
[The Jew Scout camp. The sign on the entrance reads, "WELCOME TO JEWBILEE." They reach the Jew welcome station]
Ranger: Welcome to Jewbilee. You folks find it okay?
Gerald: Yeah. [the boys leave the car] Actually, we saw a bear a few miles back.
Kyle: He was huge.
Ranger: Yeah. We spotted him a few days ago. Nothing to worry about, though. Your boys are safe with us.
Sheila: I'm sure they are.
Gerald: We'llbe back to pick you up after the meteor shower party, boys.
Sheila: Good-bye, boys. Kyle and Ike, you be safe. And Kenny?
Kenny: (Uh huh?)
Sheila: Try and act Jewish. [drives away. Ike is properly dressed again]
Kenny: (How do you do that?)
Squirt leader: [arrives with his troop] Come on, Squirt! We're meeting over here! [motions to the place]
Kyle: [Ike hids behind him] Who are you?
Squirt leader: I'm the Squirt leader. I don't want to be the Squirt leader, but I don't have a choice; it's the only way I can earn my chutzpah badge. So I gotta spend all night instructing Squirts.
Kyle: You have to go with him, Ike.
Ike: Buh buh buh buh.
Kyle: Don't worry, Ike. Squirts is fun. And I'll be right over there in the next building. [points to it.]
Ike: Boul ball.
Squirt leader: Come on! [drags Ike away. The Squirts leave as well, and the ranger returns]
Ranger: Name?
Kyle: Kyle Broflovski.
Kenny: (Kenny McCormick.)
Ranger: What?
Kyle: Uh, Kenny McHeinenberg.
Ranger: [writes the names] Alright, get to Meshuggeneh Hall! The meeting is already starting.
[On the way to Meshuggeneh Hall. Kenny is curious about the buildings, naturally.]
Kenny: (What's that?) [about the CHAMBER OF ELDERS]
Kyle: This is where the elders meet. Nobody is allowed to go in there when they're having a meeting.
[The chamber of elders, the meeting. The Chief Elder sits on a futuristic throne, from which he can look down at the other elders]
Chief elder: Baleilah hazein, Hame kadesh mekoh hikenazu n*zi hakeilah. (Now gather us, the elders, on this most holy of nights.)
Eldres: Helalelah, het Moshe. (Praise Moses.)
Chief elder: I want to welcome you all. Though we each come from a different sect of Judaism, on this night of Jewbilee, we all pray to Moses as one. Hineinih kureh leirukeshu. (May all the power of Moses show the way) Now, let us all introduce ourselves.
Elder 1: [with buns on his head] Elder Carn, from the Orthodox synagogue.
Elder 2: [with mustache] Elder Harris, from the Hasidic sect.
Elder 3: Elder Garth, from the synagogue of Anti-Semites.
Chief elder: [cautiously] I don't believe I've heard of the Anti-Semitic sect of Judaism before.
Elder Garth: We're new.
[Squirt's Lair. Stars of David are everywhere.]
Squirt leader: Okay, Squirts, the elders have given us a very important task tonight. We are all going to make macaroni pictures, like this one, [pulls out a picture of the Star of David made from macaroni] using dry macaroni, paper, and glue.
Squirt 1: How come we have to make macaroni pictures?
Squirt leader: [angrily] Because that's what Squirts do! Now, shut your pie-hole!
Squirt 2: What's your name?
Ike: Nor.
Squirt 2: How come your head is lookin' so… funny-looking?
Ike: Uh uh. [doffs the hat and pigtails and hops to the window. He sees Kyle and Kenny walk to Meshuggeneh Hall]
[Meshuggeneh Hall, the camp lodge, but inside it looks like a lecture hall. The banner outside says, "Jew Scouts Meeting Hall"]
Elder: And that's how we'll be making tonight's craft. And so you see, Scouts, all you need is a bar of soap and a dull Kn*fe [displays them], and you can make nifty soap sculptures like these. Here's a giraffe. [displays it] And here's a cloud. [displays it] You can all pick up your bars of soap later on, as we will all be making soap sculptures tonight. [Kyle and Kenny enter and take their seats] Now, this year we are pleased to announce that Jewbilee has grown to over one hundred Jew Scouts from all around the country. All new inductees, raise your hands. [several of them raise their hands. None of them wear the Jew Scout cap yet.]
Kyle: That's you, Kenny. Raise your hand. [Kenny does so. The elder spots the new Scouts, but returns to an odd prospect]
Elder: Uuuuhh, yess, and what is your name, young man?
Inductee: Junichi.
Elder: O-oh, wonderful, uh, uh, um. [places his index finger on his lower lip] Cuh, Could you run out and grab some- some of those candles for us? [Junichi leaves, and the attendant locks the door immediately] There we go. Ahem. [Kyle notices the injustice that has just been done] Now, I would like all the new inductees to step forward, please. [the new Scouts leave their seats and come up]
Kyle: This part kinda sucks, Kenny, but don't screw it up. [Kenny moves forward]
Elder: Raise your left hand and repeat after me: I pleadge to be a Jew Scout.
Inductees: I pledge to be a Jew Scout.
Elder: My honor, wide and true.
Inductees: My honor, wide and true.
Elder: I am proud to be a Jew Scout.
Inductees: I am proud to be a Jew Scout.
Elder: Otherwise, I'd just be a Jew.
Inductees: Otherwise, I'd just be a Jew.
Elder: [brings forth a large bell] Lahit chaim.
Inductee 1: Lahit chaim. [the elder lowers the bell over his head and strikes it once to produce a long, loud peal, then raises it. The boy walks off]
Elder: Lahit chaim.
Inductee 2: Lahit chaim. [the elder lowers the bell over his head, strikes it, and raises it. The boy stumbles away crying]
Elder: Lahit chaim.
Kenny: (Lahit chaim.) [the elder lowers the bell over his head, strikes it, but Kenny ducks] (Ha, Hiheh haha.) [the elder lowers it again and strikes it several times to make sure.] (Hah, Oh my God!)
[Squirt's Lair. Macaroni projects now due]
Squirt leader: Okay, Squirts, let's see what you made macaroni pictures of. Ishmael?
Ishmael: Apple.
Squirt leader: Good. Matthew?
Matthew: Cat.
Squirt leader: Joseph?
Joseph: Triangle.
Squirt leader: Okay. Ike?
Ike: Cokeshen.
Squirt leader: [gasps] …You don't make a macaroni picture of the Last Supper at a Jewish camp! [Growling and other noises are heard] What the Jeez? [outside, a bear is searching through trashcans. The leader goes to the window] Oh my God, it's that bear they've been talking about! [the bear looks back, then jumps and runs away, leaving the trashcans strewn about and trash everywhere. The leader walks out with the Squirts] Where did it go?! Squirts, go grab your gear! We're gonna hunt us a bear! Then I'll get my Chutzpah badge for sure!
[The Chamber of Elders]
Chief Elder: Elehem hav dorim, ashoseveh laoleinu. Hakadosh boruku, omasheh hachreit. (Tonight, for the meteor shower, we will pray to Moses. Then we will give Moses thanks.)
Elder Garth: [losing patience] Oh, enough already? What has Moses ever done for us?
Chief elder: All sects of Judaism follow the words of Moses.
Elder Garth: Not mine. Tonight's meteor shower is a sign of the New Time, heh. We should use it to pray to Haman and enter into a new millennium faith, and ih-
Chief elder: Enough, elder! You will not speak the name of Haman here!
Elder Garth: All you ever do is worship Moses, but it says in the Book of Centuries that Haman will one day lead the Jews.
Elder Harris: We pray to Moses here, elder.
Elder Garth: If you guys love Moses so much, why don't you marry him?!
Chief elder: We accept all denominations of Judaism here at Scouts, elder, but your synagogue of anti-Semites is too strange! Get out and do not return: you are no longer welcome here!
Elder Garth: Fine! [goes to the door and turns] Jewbilee is the time of Haman! You will all see how wrong you are, very soon! When Haman returns from the Ninth Tower of Disillusionment, and smotes Moses and all his followers into pillars of dust that would cry for their petty lives but can't, having recently been turned into dust and all, you will see! You will see thie very night! [walks out and closes the door.]
Chief elder: Hello!
[The Campfire. The Jew Scouts form a ring around it and sit. Kyle and Kenny stand behind the chief elder.]
Kyle: Come on, Kenny. You have to get in the circle.
Kenny: (What the f*ck are we doing?)
Kyle: This is where we all stand in a circle and pray to Moses for guidance during Jewbilee.
Kenny: (Uheheheheh, that's stupid.)
Kyle: It is not stupid, Kenny! This is my faith and you shouldn't make fun of it!
Chief elder: Alright, Jew Scouts, the meteor shower will start soon. Let's pray to Moses for guidance. [spreads his arms out. All the Scouts close their eyes save Kenny, who looks around first, then closes them.] Moses, great leader, on this blessed night of Jewbilee, we ask for your tutelage.
The Scouts: May the teachings of Moses fill our ears and our hearts respectively.
All: [the elder first, then the Scouts join him one by one] O.
Elder Garth: [behind a nearby tree] Stupid assholes. Moses ain't gonna teach them anything! [softens to pray] Do not fear, Haman. This night shall be yours, and the anti-Semitic Jews will once again rule the Earth.
[The Squirts and their leader march through the woods]
Squirt leader: We are Squirts, we are Squirts. We're so kosher that it hurts.
When we get older we'll be Scouts, but until then we are Squirts.
[gasps. The brown bear is in front of him approaching a pile of crap] There he is, Squirts. [the bear turns up its snout, but sniffs again] Okay, Squirts. Remember the plan: immobilize and att*ck. Matthew, yuyou immobilize the bear with the net, then Echo team, run up and att*ck it with your Squirt knives. [the bear sniffs some more] Don't get too close now, just close enough to throw the net on the stupid bear. [Matthew goes forward with the net. The leader and the other Squirts hide behind some bushes and watch. The leader then barks] NOW! [the bear turns to see Matthew and growls, and Matthew throws the net on himself]
Matthew: Oh, funt. [the bear takes the net and carries Matthew away] No!
Squirt leader: Oh, no! [the bear disappears] Oh, God! [comes out of the bush with the Squirts] Oh, the bear took a Squirt. Oh, I'm gonna get it now!
[Back at the campfire, the Scouts are trying to summon Moses]
All: [long note] O. [the Scouts are now holding hands as they chant]
Kenny: [notices some rumbling] (What's happening now?)
Kyle: [looks at him] Sh. Shut up, Kenny. [rejoins the rest in chanting, the f*re builds, and an inverted obelisk rises out of the f*re. A face appears on it]
Kenny: (WHAT THE f*ck IS THAT?!)
Kyle: [stops long enough to say] That's Moses, stupid! [rejoins the rest in chanting]
Chief elder: Great Moses, we, your most loyal followers, want to thank you a lot for coming.
Moses: The hour of Jewbilee is near. Let all debts be forgiven and all slaves freed. Mwaaaaaaaaaah!
All: Aaaaaaaaaah!
Chief elder: Alright Scouts, let's all show Moses our soap sculptures so that he may rejoice and be pleased. [the Scouts approach Moses one by one, offer their sculptures, and drop them off before him]
Kyle: [steps up and offers his] It's a duck. [Kenny steps up, but he's just starting on his sculpture]
[Behind the tree. Garth reads from the Book of Centuries]
Elder Garth: And it was foretold that the spirit of Moses would finally rest when his spirit was imprisoned by Haman in a conch shell of blind faith. Conch shell, like this one, hnee. [produces one from his robes]
[The Campfire.]
Chief elder: Moses, the Squirts have made you tidings of macaroni pictures. They should be here any second. [walks up to Elder Harris] Where the hell are the Squirts? [Elder Harris shrugs] We need those macaroni pictures for Moses right now!
[The woods. The Squirt leader is setting a trap for the bear. He places some bait on a tray swinging from a rope as the Squirts hold the rope steady from behind a bush. Then he pours some DED RAT grains onto the bait]
Squirt leader: Now, we'll just see how Mr. Bear likes rat poison. [reviews his work] Well now, that'll be enough to k*ll a stupid bear. Okay, raise the tray! [the Squirts start heaving] Chutzpah badge, here I come. [the bear shows up and growls] Yikes! [runs for the bushes and reaches the Squirts] Okay, here he comes. Easy now. Easy, Squirts. [the bear comes closer, sniffing] Okay, Squirt, lower the tray. [the Squirt begins to lower it] That's it. That's it, you God-damned stupid bearface! [the bear rears up and pounces on the tray, jerking the rope.]
Squirt: Aaah! [the leader gasps. The Squirt is pulled into the air and lands in the tray] Ah! [the bear carries him off] AAAAH!
Squirt leader: Jesus! Hell, he got another Squirt!
Ike: Mommy.
Squirt leader: [steps out of the bush with the Squirts] You think you can stop me from getting my Chutzpah badge, you stupid bear?! Think again!
[The Campfire. The Scouts now sing "Kumbaya," a spiritual]
All: Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya. O Lord, Kumbaya.
Chief elder: Great and honorable Moses, what do you desire from us, your children?
Moses: I desire… [the elders and the Scouts await anxiously] I desire… mamaroni pictures.
Chief elder: Yeh yes, yes, the macaroni pictures are coming right away. Uh, anything else you want from us, O great leader of the people?
Moses: I desire… popcorn necklaces.
Chief elder: You heard him. Get to making popcorn necklaces right away! [the elders and Scouts scatter] All you need is some popcorn, and a needle and thread. [Kenny finishes his sculpture, which is of himself, as the last few Scouts leave. He then offers it and leaves it on the pile]
Moses: Hold! [Kenny stops in his tracks as Kyle looks on. Kenny looks at Moses.] There is… an impurity.
Garth: [still behind the tree] Oh no, he's on to me, Haman.
Chief elder: [the Scouts gasp and Kenny droops] An impurity, Moses?
Moses: This child here is not kosher.
Kenny: (Uh oh.) [Garth looks, curious. Kyle rushes to Kenny's side, and the Scouts move in on them.] (Help me, Kyle! What are we gonna do?)
Kyle: Don't worry. I know what to do.
Chief elder: Scout Broflovski, have you defiled Jew Scouts by bringing a non-Hebrew to Jewbilee?! [the Scouts grow angry]
Kyle: Elder, It's not my fault. He told me he was Jewish.
Kenny: (What?!)
Chief elder: A non-Jew has inflitrated Jew Scouts and looked upon the face of Moses! He must be dealt with!
Kenny: (I'm telling you, it's Kyle you want. He's the one who tried to get me in here, and you know it.)
Chief elder: You are banished from here. You must leave before the great eating of carrot cake.
Kenny: (What?!)
Kyle: He doesn't get cake??
Moses: No cake for the impurity!
Chief elder: Go now. You do not belong here. [points to the woods. Kenny comes out of the middle of the group and walks towards the woods. Kyle is sad for him. Kenny looks back, then faces forward and walks on]
Moses: [spins around and around] Aaaaaaaah! [the others turn to see what's happening.]
Elder Garth: [prostrated, with conch in hand] Infatu camdavid. David hakum ba'ikan shtud!
Chief elder:: Elder, what are you doing?!
Elder Garth: [now standing with hands outstretched] Shtud balaa shtud inca inca brusht!
Elder Harris: He's reading from the Book of Haman!
Elder Garth: Enter the conch shell, Moses! [thrusts the shell forward]
Moses: [spins and shrinks to fit in the shell] Eo! Eh! Diu! [disappears into the shell]
Elder Garth: And there you shall stay, trapped for all eternity!
Chief elder: Elder, what have you done?
Elder Garth: I told you, the meteor shower is the time of Haman! I am running Jewbilee now!
Elder: [from Orientation] Release Moses, now!
Elder Garth: [pulls out a g*n] I don't think so! [all gasp]
Scout: When do we get to eat carrot cake?
Elder Garth: Now. All of you into that building, or I sh**t you where you stand!
Chief Elder: Elder, you cannot mean-.
Elder Garth: Move! [drives them towards the building. Kenny peeks out from behind a tree. Garth follows the last of the Scouts to the door, closes it, and padlocks it. He descends the steps and heads for the campfire as the others look on through the window, frightened]
Now! Now, Haman, your time has come!
Kyle: Dude, what the hell is going on?!
Chief elder: If he summons Haman, we will all be destroyed.
Kenny: (Oh no!)
[The woods. The Squirts still march]
Squirt leader: We are Jew Squirts, we know Jewish
Stick stick smiley smiley Stick stick smiley smiley
dur dur dur dur dur-
Hold it, Squirts! This is where we'll set our trap. Everyone remember your squadron. Alpha-5 and Gamma-7 will be on recon teams. Alpha will take left flank and flush the bear out of sector three. Once we're in position, I want constant contact between all squad leaders. We'll flush him out and we'll att*ck him! [the bear comes up silently and snatches another Squirt]
Squirt: Ah! Aaaah! [the bear rushes away]
Squirt leader: [not missing a b*at] Remember, this is only a bear. All we have to do is stick together, and we can spend the rest of the night making bear sandwiches! [turns and counts his troop] Where's Zigmo?
Ike: Noh.
Squirt leader: God-damnit! You stupid God-damned son of a bear, you've taken your last Squirt! Do you hear me?!
[The Campire. Elder Garth is kneeling before it, summoning Haman.]
Elder Garth: And the Ancient One looked upon Haman as the new leader of the people! [clouds roll in and the winds whip Elder Garth's hair around] And it was the night that stars flew around the sky! [the meteor shower goes by] Yes! Yess!!
Chief elder: If he summons Haman, it will be the end of everything we hold dear.
Scout: I wanna go home.
[The road. Kenny walks along the curb, then sees reflections of headlights in front of him. He turns to see a car coming and tries to stop it]
Kenny: (Stop!) [a red car speeds by. Kenny watches it leave, then hears more vehicles coming] (Officer Barbrady, I really need to talk to you!) [Barbrady and the A*F speed by as well] (Shit!)
[The woods. The Squirt leader takes the Squirts back to camp.]
Squirt leader: That bear thinks he can outsmart me! Well, I'm not gonna let a stupid bear get the- [gasp] Hold! Look over there! [a figure resembling a Squirt stands alone in a clearing in front of a cliff] It's one of the Squirts the bear took. Maybe he's okay. [takes the Squirts over to the figure to make sure. They arrive, only to see a straw Squirt - straw dressed in a Squirt uniform. The Squirt leader looks at the straw Squirt long and hard before deciding] IT'S A TRAP!! [jumps out of the way as a net descends and traps the rest of the Squirts. The full net rises to a high branch; the bear comes to the edge of the cliff and carries it away] Damn! Damn damn damn! Okay, bear, that does it! You wanna k*ll all the Squirts?! You can have 'em! I give up! I don't need my Chutzpah badge, or Jew Scouts, or any of this crap! Forget it!
[The campfire. The meteor shower continues]
Elder Garth: Let the New Tide turn! Let Haman rule his people once again!
Chief elder: No! [Kenny walks into the camp again]
Elder Garth: We await your return, Haman! [Kenny stops to see Elder Garth at work] Your passage is safe from the enemies!
Kenny: [the bear finds him and carries him off] (Ah!)
[The building. The chief elder tries to burst through the door, but fails]
Chief Elder: It's hopeless.
Elder: Haman will be summoned and we will be forced to obey him, or die. [the Scouts are scared]
Elder Harris: Uh I'm fine with obeying.
Elder: Yeah, obeying should work out swell. [!]
Kyle: Don't worry, you guys. He forgot about Kenny. Kenny will help us.
Elder 2: How?
Kyle: Kenny will find a way.
[The bear cave. The bear brings Kenny in.]
Kenny: (Haaarrrrrh!) [the bear drops him off and leaves the cave] (Huh?)
Squirt: Hey, welcome to the party. [Kenny studies the scene] See this li'l bear cub? It's his birthday.
Squirt 2: Yeah, so his mommy brought us all over to play with him.
Bear cub: Mrar.
Kenny: (Aw.) [the momma bear comes and licks a Squirt's face, and the Squirt laughs] (Okay, you guys, we've gotta get back to the camp and …)
Squirt: They are? Uh oh.
Kenny: (Come on, Squirts, we gotta run! We're already God-damned late!)
Squirt: Come on, Squirts. We have to help them.
All: Yeah! [everyone, including the cub, races out of the cave]
[The camp. The Squirt leader returns alone]
Squirt leader: Elder Schwartz, I lost the Squirts! I lost all the Squirts! [no answer] Well, screw you too! I don't need your Chutzpah badge anyway! Hello? [in the building behind him, heads rise from under the window sill]
Elder Schwartz [the chief elder] Shlomo, get us out of here!
Shlomo: [Squirt leader] What the Jeez? [turns and walkd towards the hostages] What are you guys doing in there?
Elder Schwartz Get the keys and unlock the door! [the Scouts jump up and down]
Schlomo: What?!
Elder Schwartz: [now points] Get the keys and unlock the door!
Schlomo: [doesn't understand what Schwartz is saying, but gives his own news] I lost the Squirts! [Elder Garth appears behind him]
Elder Schwartz: Look out!
Schlomo: Huh? [turns to face Garth]
Elder Garth: Don't move!
Schlomo: [backs up quick] Oh, Jiminy gravy, what is this??
Elder Garth: It's the summoning of Haman, fool! The awakening of a new kingdom, heeheh!
Schlomo: You can't wake Haman. What would Moses say?
Elder Garth: Moses is trapped for all eternity in the conch of blind faith!
Schlomo: [sees the shell and dives for it] Oh, no you don't! [grabs it, but Farth sh**t him. The b*llet grazes Schlomo's right shoulder, which he then covers with his left hand, dropping the shell] OOWW!!
Elder Garth: Enough of this waste of time! [turns and goes back to the campfire. Once there, he reaches for the Book of Haman] Haman! The Great Summoning is done! Upon these words let your spirit come! Einich! Hos!
Elder Schwartz: It is lost.
Elder Garth: Zayak. Kareem! [Kenny comes up behind him]
Kenny: (Woohoo!) [takes off with the book]
Elder Garth: Hey, give that back! [chases Kenny into the woods. The Squirts line up before the window where the hostages await]
Elder Schwartz: It's the Squirts.
Kyle: Go, Ike!
Elder Schwartz: Unlock the door, Squirts! The keys are up there.
Elder Harris: They'll never reach.
Squirt: Squirts, fall in. Chinese formation. [the Squirts hurry and climb up one on top of another to form a human pillar]
[The woods. Elder Garth catches up to Kenny]
Elder Garth: Give me that book! [knocks Kenny down]
Kenny: (Ow!) [gives up the book, and Garth kicks him]
Elder Garth: Haman will deal with you! [kicks him again]
Kenny: (Ow!)
[The camp. The Squirts have finished the pillar, with Ike at the very top. Ike gets the key and the pillar falls apart to form two rows of four Squirts each, and Ike alone at the top of the steps. He jumps up to the padlock and unlocks it. He then removes the lock. The door opens and everyone inside pours out. Elder Harris moves out into the open]
Elder Harris: Oh, no. It's too late!
Elder Garth: Ramek shtud! [lightning strikes the ground. Nearby, the bear returns and gets the conch shell. She moves away, only to take it to Kenny, who receives it. The bear growls and leaves. Meteors continue to shower down as a black cloud with a pair of red eyes appears among the gathering clouds]
Kyle: What is that?
Elder Schwartz: It is Haman.
Elder Garth: Yes! Yes! [Kenny tries to break the conch shell open on a rock, then against the tree, but it doesn't break.]
Haman: Free! Free to punish those that imprisoned me!
Elder Garth: [now prostrate before Haman] Haman! It's me, Garth! I freed you!
Kyle: Look! [Kenny comes into the clearing and throws the shell against the snow several times.]
Kenny: (It's okay, I'll use my head!) [faces the shell and throws his head back]
Kyle: Kenny! Noooooo!
Kenny: (Heeeeeyah! Ugh!) [the headbutt opened the shell alright, but Kenny falls back on his side as Moses comes out of the broken shell]
Haman: Moses! Nooo!
Elder Garth: Nooo! Eheh. Nooo! [Moses rises into the sky, absorbs Haman, and reclaims his place above the campfire. Elder Garth turns to face him again] Moses. Uh I, I apologize for any inconvenience, eheh. Uh yuh you see, I was just uh-
Moses: Die! [lightning comes out of both his eyes and nukes Garth until Garth explodes]
Elder Garth: No! Aaaaaah! Ooww! [poof]
All: [gathering] Hooray!
Kyle: Kenny! [runs to Kenny, who now lies in a pool of blood. The others follow]
Elder Harris: That blow to his head must have k*lled him.
Elder Carn: He saved us. He saved all the Jews.
Kyle: You know, I think we all learned something today. It's fine to have your own beliefs and your own traditions, but as soon as you start excluding people from your ways, only because of their race, you become separatists. And being a separatist sucks ass.
Elder Harris: We've learned a lot from you and your great friend, Kenny.
Moses: [joins them next to Kenny] Every year we shall gather here in this special place and bring Kenny tidings of soap sculptures and macaroni pictures.
Elder Harris: Yes.
Moses: And those little shaker things where… you put beans inside of paper plates that are glued together.
Elder Harris: Paper-plate bean shakers.
Moses: And let us put patterns of glue on the outside of those paper plates so we can then pour glitter on them so they can look nice and sparkly.
Elder Schwartz: You heard him, Scouts! Let's get to work!
[End of Jewbilee] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x09 - Jewbilee"} | foreverdreaming |
[A bustling scene on a dock. A large lake is behind the dock, a stage is off to the left, and the whole place is being dressed for Halloween. Beyond the lake, a lighthouse looks over the scene. At center is a booth for a radio station. The camera moves in]
DJ: [with classic 1970's big hair] We're here live at the KOZY 102.1 Hallween Haunt at the South Park docks! Come on down! We've got a haunted house [Chef finished pinning a banner on the top right corner of the stage] and everyone is decorating for tomorrow night, [one man pins a rubber bat to a shack roof, another walks past with a jack-o-lantern] HALLOWEEN, when the band KoRn, that's right, KoRn, is going to play live! And don't forget to wear a costume tomorrow, because there's a big first prize! Why, here's some kids enjoying the Halloween Haunt now! [Kenny, Kyle, and Stan walk past, but turn to face the DJ] Say boys, what do you think of KOZY-FM's Halloween Haunt so far? [lowers the boom mic to Stan]
Stan: This one time, like eight months ago, I saw two guys kissing in a park. And that was the gayest thing I'd ever seen, until I saw the KOZY-FM Halloween Haunt. [turns and walks away with Kyle and Kenny]
DJ: Uh-hall right! Well, enjoy the spooky docks, kids.
[Further down the dock. The boys keep walking, and Cartman runs up to meet them]
Cartman: Hey you guys! [they stop] You know what time of year it is?
Kyle: Of course, dumbass, it's Halloween.
Cartman: That's right, and that means only two more months till Christmas! You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry—
Stan: Christmas?
Cartman: —Christmastime is presents for me.
[On another part of the dock, Jimbo and Ned leave a ticket booth]
Jimbo: Aw, nuts! Come on, Ned, this ain't no whore house, it's a hor-ROR house.
Guests in line: Awwww! [all leave. The boys walk by]
Cartman: Eeyyy [Kyle stops, the others walk away], Spooky Laboratory, you guys. ["THIS WAY TO SPOOKY LABORATORY" The entrance doors are stained with blood]
Kyle: [annoyed] Those things are stupid, Cartman. They just stick your hand in cold spaghetti and tell you it's intestines and stuff.
Cartman: Well, I'm going to Spooky Laboratory! [throws open the doors and enters] Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…
Guide: Welcome to Spooky Laboratory. [pulls out a blindfold and puts it over Cartman's eyes] I'm your guide, Dr. Spookalot. Allow me to show around the lab. [leads him to a table on which is a bowl of eggs and a bowl of lime Jell-o cubes]
Cartman: Cool!
Dr. Spookalot: [helps him up to a chair] Here I have a bowl of human eyeballs.
Cartman: [rolls his fingers around the eggs] Ewww-hoohooo.
Dr. Spookalot: [switches bowls] And here you can feel the brains.
Cartman: [rolls his fingers through the lime Jell-o cubes] Oh-HO, grohoss.
Dr. Spookalot: [leads him to an ass] And here you can feel the warm innards of the body [Cartman reaches into the ass's ass and the ass looks surprised]
Cartman: Eewww, it feels like cold spaghetti! You guys, it feels like cold spaghetti!
[Stan, Kyle, and Kenny walk past a shack on which hangs a banner: "COSTUME CONTEST TOMORROW"]
Kenny: (You guys, I'm gonna try and win that costume contest!)
Kyle: [two older boys peek out from behind some boxes, then drop down] Give it up, Kenny! You're not gonna win that costume contest! Your costumes always suck. [the boy with his picture on the shirt pops out and faces them]
Boy in Green Shirt: BOO!
Stan, Kyle, Kenny: Aaaaah! [they turn and run around in circles]
Boy in Green Shirt: Ha ha ha ha ha! We scared you, chickens!
Stan: W-we weren't scared!
Boy in Green Shirt: Oh no? Well, you should be! [walks towards them] The pirate ghosts are gonna come getcha!
Kyle: The what?
Boy in Green Shirt: Didn't you know? There's an old legend in South Park that says these docks are haunted by pirate ghosts.
Kyle: Nuh-uh.
Boy in Green Shirt: Yuh-huh. They roam these docks with their swords and hook-hands [molds his left hand into a hook] looking for victims tuh… [swipes it through the air] cut up!
Kenny: [Kyle gasps] (Hoh!)
Stan: That's just an old legend.
Pirate Ghost cutout: [pops up] Rar!
Stan, Kyle, Kenny: Aaaaah! [they turn and run around in circles]
Boy in Green Shirt: [the cutout drops to reveal another friend] Ha ha ha ha, gotcha again, heh ha ha! [both his friends flank him now] Just wait till tomorrow! We're gonna scare you kids to death! Ha ha ha haa! [the three move away]
Cartman: [arrives] You guys, my hand totally smells like spaghetti now. Smell it. [starts sniffing it]
Stan: I'm sick of those fifth graders scaring us all the time! We should come up with a way to scare them!
Kyle: Yeah! Let's see how they like it!
[The KOZY-FM booth. The DJ is joined by the town's priest]
DJ: Joining me now is Father Maxi, from the South Park Church. Father, what do you think of all the preparations here at the docks?
Fr. Maxi: Halloween is an abomination of God! A celebration of the occult-eh!
DJ: Yeah, and how about KoRn playing the big concert tomorrow? Pretty exciting, huh?
Fr. Maxi: KoRn is a devil-worshipping group that plays violent music! If we allow that demon band to play on this most unholy of holidays, we may incur the full wrath of evil!
DJ: Alriight, we'll see you tomorrow for Halloween! In the meantime [suddenly soft] here's a KOZY h*t by Barry Manilow.
[The lake. The boys are still on the docks…]
Stan: Come on, you guys, think! How can we scare the fifth graders? It has to be something reeaally scary.
Cartman: We could get a big scary plastic spider, and dangle it in front of them on a string… s- spooky spider, that's pretty scary.
Kyle: That's not scary, fatass!
Stan: Well, come on! We can think of something better than stupid pirate ghosts! [all turn left and walk off. As they walk towards the shore, they pass a shack. After they pass, three pirate ghosts peek out from behind the shack, scowling]
Pirate Ghosts: Darrrr!
[The woods. A van rumbles down a road. On the side it reads, "KoRn." Several men inside it talk]
Jonathan: Are you sure we're goin' the right way?
David: I don't know. This map doesn't make any sense.
Head: That's because you've got it upside down, chowderhead! [canned laughter]
David: [spins the map around and realizes his error] Oops.
Fieldy: When are we gonna get to the gig? I'm starving.
Jonathan: Don't think about it. We'll just keep playing our game. Raady? I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter T!
Munky: I know! A t-ree!
Jonathan: You've got it. I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter R.
David: A road?
Jonathan: That's it! [they pass the South Park Docks sign, and then the three pirate ghosts show up to watch]
Pirates: Darrrr!
[further down the road…]
Jonathan: Okay, here's one. I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter P.
Head: The letter P?
Fieldy: What the heck starts with the letter P?
Jonathan: [trembling] Puh-pirate ghosts! [the ghosts appear in front of the van]
All: Aaaaah! [the van swerves left to avoid the ghosts, but ends up going over a hillside. It finally settles upside down at the foot of the hill]
[The Cartman house. Cartman walks towards the sofa with a catalog in hand]
Cartman: Mom! You got the new Duffy's catalog! I-I'm gonna circle everything I want for Christmas, okay? Mom? Okay? O-kay [sits on the sofa], let's see. [softly] I waant… thiis… aand… this… [a truck] and… [flips the page] let's see, comes with so… [the Phillip doll. The doorbell rings] …comes with two bars [circles the boxed doll], so there we go, have that… [a door opens in the background] and, let's see…
Liane: [walks up to him] Eric, your little friends are here.
Cartman: [excited, motions with the catalog] Mom, mom! You wanna see what I want for Christmas?
Liane: E-heric, it's only Halloween.
Cartman: That's only 72 shopping days left for you!
Stan: [walks up with Kyle and Kenny] Come on, fatass, we have to go!
Cartman: Ey! Don't call me fat! [Liane starts to giggle. Cartman is hurt] Mom, don't laugh.
Liane: I'm sorry, hon,
Cartman: [to his friends] I can't go with you guys right now.
Stan: Yes you can, porky. [Liane giggles again]
Cartman: Mom, seriously! [her giggles die down]
Liane: Oh, that's not funny, boys. Eric isn't fat, his big-boned.
Kyle: He must have a huge bone in his ass, then. [Liane bursts out laughing]
Cartman: God-damnit, mom!
[Outside, night. The boys head out and away]
Cartman: [closes the door] God, I hate you guys!
Stan: Okay, so we figured out how to scare the fifth graders.
Cartman: How?
Stan: What's the scariest thing we could get?
Cartman: [quietly] Spooky spider?
Stan: No! [turns, then says gravely] A d*ad body.
Kyle: Yeah, fatass, a d*ad body.
Cartman: You mean, we make something that looks like a d*ad body?
Stan: We could never make one that looks real enough. [his voice lowers] To be really scary, it would have to be real.
Kyle: Yeah, fatass, it has to be real to be scary!
Cartman: So where the hell are we going to get a d*ad body?
Stan: [voice low] We're gonna dig up Kyle's d*ad grandma.
Kyle: Yeah, fatass, we're goona dig up- [stops] Dig up Kyle's d*ad grandma??
Stan: [appeasing] Dude, she's perfect. She only died, like, three months ago, right?
Kyle: Are you insane?!
Cartman: U-hi think that's a sweet idea!
Kenny: (Yeah!)
Kyle: Dude! We'er not digging up my grandma; I'll get in trouble.
Stan: All we have to do is sneak in the graveyard, dig her up, scare the fifth graders, then put her back before anyone notices she's gone,
Kyle: [uneasy] Naww, let's dig up somebody else.
Stan: Relax, dude. What's the big deal? Think about it: if your grandma knew that she could help you, even in death, she would want to.
Cartman: This is gonna be fun!
[The graveyard. Spooky music and a howling wolf punctuate the foggy atmosphere as a full moon rises. Kyle leads the way with a flashlight. Cartman is singing]
Cartman: Just hear those sleigh bells jingle-in', ring ting tingle-in' too
Outside it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you, and you, and you.
Stan: Cartman, will you stop singing Christmas carols? We have to be quiet, or else we're gonna get busted!
Kyle: [shines his light on a tombstone] This must be it. "Cleo Broflovski" That's my grandma. [turns off the light. The boys have a moment of silence]
Stan: Well, let's dig 'er up! [walks to the grave and jabs his shovel in]
Kyle: Wait. I don't know if this is cool.
Stan: Of course it's cool! She's gonna be all rotted and scary!
Kyle: I don't think my mom would want me doin' this.
Cartman: [taunting] "Ooh, I don't wanna dig up my d*ad grandma 'cause I'm such a goody-two-shoes!" [Kyle smacks him with the shovel] Ow.
Stan: You guys be quiet! Now, do you wanna get back at the fifth graders or not?!
Kyle: I don't really care, dude.
Stan: Yes you do! Now, dig! [all four begin to dig]
Cartman: Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling, "You-hoo"…
[Later. The casket is now vertical, leaning against the tombstone]
Stan: Okay. It's almost open. Ready? One, two, three! [they pry the door open, and then jump back and peer in] Whoa, dude.
Kyle: Oh, my God. [the corpse sways to the right, against the casket wall] Hi, …Grandma.
A voice: Hi, Kyle.
Kyle: [hops back] Aaaah!
Cartman: [providing the voice] Have you been a good boy, Kyle? Have you been making Grandma proud?
Kyle: Damnit, Cartman, that's not funny!
Stan: [chuckling] Eheh, yes, it ihis, heh.
Cartman: Heh heh, I'm sweet.
Kyle: Alright, alright, let's get this over with so we can put her back!
Stan: Okay, grab the sled. [Kenny goes and pulls it up. The others stand aside. When the sled abuts the casket, Cartman pulls at the corpse with his shovel, and it falls forward onto the sled]
[The docks. A dog is sniffing at the boards, then raises his head. He growls and runs off stage left. The boys come in from the other side pulling the corpse, and Cartman sings]
Cartman: Silver Bells, Silver Bells, it's Christmas time in the city…
Stan: Okay. Let's just hide her here, and tomorrow, during the Halloween party, we'll come back in our costumes and use her to scare the fifth graders.
Kyle: How exactly are we gonna use her to scare them?
Cartman: We could shove a stick up her ass and use her like a puppet: "Rowr, rowr, I'm scary Grandma!"
Kyle: Alright, that does it, Cartman! That's my grandma! You show her some God-damned respect!
Male voice: [off screen] O-o-o-o-oh. [thunderclaps. The boys are afraid.]
Stan: Who was that?
Kyle: Cartman?!
Cartman: It wasn't me! [camera pans to the corpse]
Male voice: Who-o-oa.
Stan: Dude, not cool. This is scary. [Some rustling, and a member of KoRn shows up]
The Boys: Wa-a-a-ah!
Munky: Hey! Like, it's just some kids.
Jonathan: Oh, fwooh, I was really scared there, for a second.
Stan: Hay, you're that band KoRn.
Jonathan: Yeah. I'm Jonathan [with the high forehead], and this is Munky [with chiseled looks], David [with thick eyebrows], Fieldy [short, with white cap], and Head [with dreadlocks]. And over there is our pal, Nibblet. [the mates look around] Hey, where'd Nibblet go?
Nibblet: [a yellow bird with curled antennae and a great wing span ripping into a bag of chips] Uh-huh, Nibblet likes potato chips.
KoRn: Nibblet!
Nibblet: [stops] Okay.
Stan: What are you guys doing out here?
Head; We were just driving our van when all of a sudden we were run off the road by some super-spooky pirate ghosts.
Stan: Aw, dude, that was just the fifth graders.
Kyle: Yeah. They're tryin' to scare everybody 'cause they're gay wads.
Stan: Don't worry. We're about to go get 'em back.
Jonathan: Oh, swell. We're supposed to play here tomorrow. Do you know where the stage is?
Stan: [points to it] Yeah, dude. It's right over there.
KoRn: O-kay! [they walk away and pass by the priest, who is nailing a post into place: "Halloween is Anti-God." He stops.]
Jonathan: Oh, hi. We're KoRn. We're supposed to play the Halloween concert tomorrow.
Fr. Maxi: I know who you are and what you stand for! I think your music and Halloweenn is an abomination!
Jonathan: Groovy! Could you show us where to set up?
[The boys walk a little further, and Cartman pulls the sled over to one side of a stack of boxes]
Stan: Alright, let's just set her over here behind these boxes. [Cartman hides the body behind the boxes]
Kyle: Shouldn't we hide her better than that?
Stan: Kyle, will you stop worrying? God! Now, we'll all be back here tomorrow with our costumes, and then, when the Halloween party gets going, we'll bust out d*ad Grandma! Let's go! [they start walking away]
Kyle: Wait till you guys see my costume! It's gonan be sweet!
Kenny: (Mine is so f*ck' badass it's gotta win now!)
Cartman: Oh, come on, Kenny! You never have a sweet costume! You're not gonna win the costume contest!
Kenny: (Yes I am! I've got the costume; it's waiting in the house! Yesterday I got this huge package in the mail, and it was big, okay?) [The dog returns and sniffs the body from a distance. It approaches slowly, sniffing. Then it lifts the covering and drags the body away.]
[The next day. Two uniformed men approach the Broflovski house. One of them rings the bell.]
Sheila: Hold on, kids. [grabs the candy bowl next to the door and opens the door with it in hand]
Brunet: Mrs. Broflovski?
Sheila: Yes?
Brunet: We're from Mt. Peaceful Cemetery. Could we have a word with you?
Sheila: Eehh, sure, come in. [they follow her in and sit on the sofa. She takes the armchair, and they look at each other] What is it?
Brunet: Ms. Broflovski… somebody has defiled your mother's grave.
Sheila: Defiled? How?
Blond: Well, I'm afraid that… somebody dug her up.
Sheila: Dug her up? Why??
Brunet: Well. Theh- most likely reason is that… somebody wanted to have sex with her d*ad body.
Blond: Yeahp.
Sheila: What?!
Brunet: Uhuh, we don't want to upset you, but it happens. Somebody's probably making love to her corpse as we speak.
Blond: Every vile position, every disrespectful act imaginable.
Sheila: Hoh, dear God!
Brunet: Yes. By now he's probably even removed her eyes and made love to the empty sockets as well.
Sheila: [sadly rubs her eyes] Oooh.
Blond: No-, we don't want to upset you, but you should know that your mother's body would be stiff and dry, so he would have to have it soaked in warm water for several hours before making love to it.
Sheila: [helplessly] O-o-o-o-oh!
Brunet: Yes. And, now for the difficult part.
Blond: Brace yourself.
Brunet: It is highly possible that he has created new orifices in her decomposing flesh, leaving her to look something like — an overloved hunk of Swiss cheese. She probably-
Sheila: Okay, okay! I get the point! Just tell me what you're gonna do about it!
Brunet: …Do?
Blond: Oh, we don't do anything. We're just the watchmen.
Brunet: Yeah, I guess, maybe, you might wanna call the police or something.
Sheila: O-o-ogh! [gets up and walks away. The men just sit there]
Brunet: [to the blond] Now, he probably would make love to the d*ad body in a cool dry place, so as not to allow further decomposition. [the blond indicates he's thinking by placing his index finger to his lips]
[The Cartman house. A delivery man walks towards it with a package and rings the bell. Cartman answers]
Delivery Man: Package delivery for Mrs. Cartman?
Cartman: A package? Oh, really? Well, I think I can sign for that!
Delivery Man: Sign heah, and heah, and heah. [Cartman signs and the delivery man goes away. Cartman closes the door and dances with glee]
Cartman: I got a Christmas present! I got a Christmas present! [stops] …Maybe I can see what it is. I'll just open one little corner. [lifts up a corner of the wrapping] Let's see here. [yanks the wrapping off and away] That's good, I'll rewrap it later! [the box reads, "LIFESIZED Blow-Up ANTONIO BANDERAS LOVE DOLL. WITH REALISTIC GENITALIA"] Oh, sweet! Life-sized blow-up Antonio Banderas love doll! With realistic geni-ta-lia. [takes the doll out] Oh, this kicks ass! What a cool Christmas present my mom got! [blows it up through the penis]
[The lake. The docks are bustling again, and the DJ is in his booth]
DJ: It's Halloween day, so come on down to the docks and bring your costumes! [a ghost and Ultraman walk by while a joker stands next to the boxes. Stan and Kyle are nearby in their costumes]
Stan: [a cowboy sheriff in white] Where's Kenny? He said he had the best Halloween costume ever. [Kyle is a clown in a yellow jacket]
Cartman: [walks up with the doll and jingles] Nyah nyahnyahnyah nyah nyah. Guess wha-at I got? Antonio Banderas blow-up doll. You guys didn't get one.
Stan: Where's your costume, fatass?
Cartman: Screw Halloween, I already got my Christmas present! In a few days I'll wrap it back up, and then when I open it on Christmas, I'll act all, like, surprised, like "Oh Mother, Antonio Banderas life-sized blow-up doll! What a surprise!" [heavy machinery is heard, and the boys look up to see an ED-209 unit walking towards them. It stops, turns, and settles into place]
Stan: Hey, Kenny.
Kenny: (Hey, guys. Uh, check out this kick-ass cool costume.)
Cartman: U-huh, nice costume, Kenny. If you think you're gonna win with that, huh!
Stan: [rushes his friends along] Alright. The fifth graders are gonna be here soon. Let's get Kyle's grandma! [Cartman goes for the sled] This is gonna be sweet
Cartman: [pulls out the sled, but the body is gone] Uuh, problem, guys.
Stan: What's the problem?
Cartman: Nno Grandma.
Kyle: No Grandma??
Cartman: Nno Grandma.
Kyle: [turns and reaches the sled. Stan turns as well] She's not here!
Stan: She has to be here! [Kenny meanders]
Kyle: Well, she's not here! That's just great! Thanks a lot, Stan! You're gonna get me busted again!
[City Hall, outside. Officer Barbrady stands behind a podium addressing the crowd]
Barbrady: Okay, people. I know we all want to get down to the docks for the Halloween Haunt, but first we just need to inform you about thee- people or persons out there digging up bodies to have sex with them. Gentlemen? [leaves. The watchmen step up]
Brunet: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. A person who steals bodies to have sex with them is called a necrophiliac. So that you all know what to expect, my partner Alan has a sketch of what having sex with a d*ad body might look like. [Alan shows the sketch]
Crowd: Ee-oooh!
Brunet: Yes, we know it's horrible. It's probably best you not look at it. Now, Alan will demostrate what having sex with a d*ad body might sound like. [Alan pulls out a jar of mayonnaise and jams his fist into it, proceeding to simulate the act. He begins to look surprised at what he's doing as his arm gets covered with mayonnaise]
Crowd: Awwwgh! [Alan continues]
Man: Excuse me, how is this helping?
Barbrady: That's it, folks. Now, we can all go to the docks and enjoy the Halloween Haunt.
Pirate voice: Noo! Don't go to the docks! [the camera looks up to see a pirate ghost floating outside the Mayor's office] Aarrrgh! [the crowd gasps and screams] Argh, I'm Captain Bly! You land-lubbers had better stay away from the docks! Or else, there'll be hell to pay! [the crowd is afraid. Women scream] f*re the cannon! [a pirate ship appears high above the road, and a cannon goes off. The ball lands amid the crowd and leaves a crater. Bodies are strewn all over] Har harharharhar! [the crowd disperses. A couple runs into another pirate ghost]
Pirate Ghost 2: Arrrgh! [slices their heads off with his sword]
Captain Bly: We won't warn ya again! Stay away from our docks! [the pirates and their ship disappear]
Fr. Maxi: [rushed to the podium] I warned you! I told you this would happen! [survivors sit up and begin to look his way] When you allow bands like KoRn to come to town and play your hedonistic Hallowen concerts, this is what you get!
[The docks. KoRn is practicing on stage.]
Jonathan: Great rehearsal, g*ng. That was really groovy. Let's practice one more time before the show starts.
DJ: Aah, guys, I'm sorry, but the Halloween Haunt's been cancelled.
Jonathan: Cancelled?
DJ: You best clear out of here! There's pirate ghosts, and they'll k*ll you. [leaves]
Jonathan: Well g*ng, it looks like we have to pack it up.
The Others: Awww. [Stan and friends walk towards the stage]
Kyle: God-damnit! Now, what the hell are we gonna do?!
Munky: Oh, hey! The kids from last night.
Head: Wow! Is that the Antonio Banderas life-sized blow-up doll? [Kenny catches up with his friends]
David: Hey, Kenny.
Kenny: [frustrated] (Aw, man!) [he can't impress anyone]
Jonathan: Say, what's the matter? You kids look kind of glum.
Kyle: Somebody took my d*ad grandma.
Fieldy: What?
Stan: We dug her up 'cause we wanted to scare the fifth graders, but then, something took her body away.
Kyle: Now she's doomed to walk the earth in limbo. [starts to sob]
Fieldy: Aw, I hate to see little clowns cry.
Jonathan: Well, that does it. Somethin' funny is going on here. Your missing grandma must be connected somehow to those creepy pirate ghosts.
David: They're not pirate ghosts, Jonathan, they're ghost pirates.
Jonathan: Huh?
David: "Pirate ghost" would suggest that a pirate died, and became a ghost, but a ghost pirate is a ghost that later made a conscious decision to be a pirate.
Munky: No, David. Then they are pirate ghosts, because they're the ghosts of pirates.
Fieldy: You're wrong, because there were no pirates in Colorado. So these must be ghosts that have decided to become pirates after the fact.
Jonathan: But that makes them pirate ghosts.
David: No. It makes them ghost pirates.
Munky: Pirate ghosts!
Head: Guys! Guys! Guys! Fighting isn't gonna solve anything. Don't you see? This is exactly what those ghost pirates want us to do.
Jonathan: Pirate ghosts.
Kyle: Then, you'll help us?
Jonathan: Sure, we'll help you. If there's one thing we like more than playing music, it's solvin' a groovy mystery.
The Boys: Al-right!
[City Hall. People are still laying on floor. Chef arrives]
Chef: Is everybody okay?
Sheila: [people gather around Chef] People stealing bodies to have sex with them? Pirate ghosts destroying the town? When did everything go so wrong?
Gerald: I hate to say it, but I think Priest Maxi was right. This is what we get for celebrating Halloween and allowing that band KoRn to come play.
Mr. Garrison: He's right! Nothin' ever went wrong in this town before that evil KoRn band showed up.
Sharon: Well, I say we go find them and kick their devil-worshipping butts out of town!
Crowd: Yeah! [various exclamations follow]
Randy: Lynch mob! [torches and pitch forks appear and the crowd begins to move]
Man: Down with KoRn!
[Halloween night, the docks. KoRn and the boys are still talking…]
Jonathan: So this is where you last saw your d*ad grandma.
Kyle: Right. [Kenny walks along the shore way in the background]
Stan: Maybe there really are pirate ghosts and they took her inside.
Jonathan: Alright, g*ng, we have to split up and look for clues.
Stan: How should we split up?
Jonathan: I know. Let's have everyone who enjoys having obstacles in their life, which they can overcome, go this way, [points to his right] and everyone whose insecurities sabotage their potential to overcome those obstacles go that way. [points to his left]
KoRn: O-kay! [the groups separates in two. In the secure group are Stan, Kyle, Jonathan, Munky, and Fieldy. In the insecure group are Cartman, Kenny, David, and Head]
Kyle: Wow! That was easy.
[The lynch mob reaches the docks and head for the van. Randy reaches it first.]
Randy: [excitedly] Here's their van! Here's their van!
Woman: Let's flip it over!
Soem Folks: Yeah!
Barbrady: [moves to intervene] Okay, people, let's try to stay orderly. The best way to do this is, all get on one side and push it from the top. [the crowd moves in and starts pushing. Even Barbrady participates]
Man: Devil woshippers! [the van tips over]
Crowd: Yeah!
Man 2: Come on, they gotta be around here somewhere!
[A warehouse. The secure group walks along with Nibblet. Munky is not with them.]
Stan: This place gives me the creeps.
Jonathan: Say, this looks like a clue. [picks up a book: "Pirate Lore of South Park, By A.R.R. Robbins"] "Pirate Lore of South Park." Hmmm. Now, why would pirate ghosts need a book on pirates? [something metallic falls]
Kyle: Whoa. What was that?
Jonathan: The noise came from in here. Stay close, everybody! [opens a door and goes in. The rest follow]
Fieldy: [runs into a supporting pole] Oh, no! I lost my glasses.
[The insecure group walks in a darkened part of the warehouse. Munky is in that group now.]
Head: What does this d*ad grandma look like?
Cartman: Uh, she was all, like, crunchy and crispy and stuff.
David: Hey, I got an idea. [all stop] We should set a groovy trap.
Munky: Good idea.
Cartman: How do we trap a bunch of pirate ghosts?
David: We need something that might catch their eye to use as bait. I know, your Antonio Banderas love doll.
Cartman: [holds the doll tight] Oh, no! This is my Christmas present! If anything happens to it, my mom will know I opened it early!
Munky: Come on, kid. We all have to do our part, even Antonio.
[The lit side of the warehouse. Fieldy is still looking for his glasses]
Fieldy: My glasses gotta be around here somewhere. [a peg-legged pirate ghost appears next to him] Is that you, Jonathan? Boy, I'm glad to see you. I lost my glasses.
Peg-leg: Raaarrrgh!
Fieldy: Hey, you got a cold, Jonathan?
Peg-leg: Raarraarrgh! [canned laughter]
Fieldy: Yeah, that sounds like a groovy song, man! Remember that one! [more canned laughter]
Jonathan: [from the other end of the room] Fieldy, what are you doing?!
Fieldy: [turns to face him] Oh, I was talking to you, Jonathan. …Hey, wait a minute. If you're over there, then how could you be over here? Unless you're actually a…
All: Puh-puuhh pirate ghost! [all scatter]
Peg-leg: Raaarrrgh!
[The darkened part of the warehouse. The trap is set]
David: Okay. Here's how the trap will work. When the pirate ghosts walk in, they should go right for Antonio Banderas. [the camera now follows the trap as David describes it] When they h*t the super-slippery floor, they'll slide onto this mining cart, which should travel down this path, into the next room, where the fish net will fall on them.
Cartman: Wow, cool!
Munky: Hey! Somebody's coming. [eveyone jumps back behind some boxes]
Secure Group: Aaaaah!
Stan: We've got to hide!
Jonathan: Hey, there's Antonio Banderas! He'll help us. [calls out] Mr. Banderas!
David: [peeks up] Jonathan, no!
Secure group: [hits the slick] Aaaah! [the trap works exactly as David said it would]
Head: Oh, no!
Secure group: Aaaah! [the cart hits the wall and stops. The insecure group rushes in]
Stan: Ow!
David: Hold on, guys! [the lynch mob, led by the watchmen, bursts through the doors and moves in on the group]
Brunet: Alright, KoRn, time for you to get out of town! [the pirate ghosts appear]
Pirate Ghosts: Aarrrrgh.
Crowd: [frightened] Aaaaaah!
Randy: KoRn is sending their demon minions upon us!
Crowd: [shrieking] Aaaaaah!
Jonathan: [to his band mates] Alright, g*ng. Looks like we're gonna have to use our special KoRn powers. [the five members huddle and link hands to forearms] KoRn powers, vitalize! [starbursts abound as each member transforms]
Munky: Munky!
David: David!
Fieldy: Fieldy!
Head: Head!
Jonathan: Jonathan!
KoRn: Form of… CORN! [final starbursts give way to various corn products: two corncobs, a tub of popcorn, a can of creamed corn, and one corn kernel. The tub of popcorn swells and spits out several popped kernels. The townsfolk just stare and the corn products stay still. The pirates are seen staring. Soon, the products revert to the band mates]
Jonathan: Alright! Great job, g*ng! [The townsfolk stare]
Cartman: That didn't help at all.
Head: We know. It's just cool to do.
Pirate Ghosts: Aarrrrgh!
Nibblet: [floating up to release the net] Nibblet! [releases the net, and it lands on the pirate ghosts]
KoRn: [grateful] Nibblet!
Barbrady: What the hell is that thing??
David: You did it, Nibblet! You trapped them!
Jonathan: [approaches the net] Yeah. And now let's see who these pirate ghosts really are! [the ghosts disappear, and he throws his palms up] Oh, I guess they really were pirate ghosts.
Barbrady: [approaches with g*n drawn] Alright, KoRn, you can stop your demonic shenanigans and come downtown with me!
Nibblet: [notices some twine hanging from two trap doors on the ceiling] Hehey, look what Nibblet sees. [pulls on the twine, and the doors open. Priest Maxi falls to the ground]
Fr. Maxi: Whoa! [lands with a thud]
Chef: What the…?
Man: Fr. Maxi?
Fr. Maxi: [gets up] Well, what are you waiting for, Barbrady?! Arrest that band!
Barbrady: Oh?
Jonathan: No! Arrest him!
Mob: Huh??
Jonathan: I think I've got this groovy mystery solved!
[Outside. The mystery has apparently been explained. The priest is now under arrest]
Chef: Well, I must say I still don't get this at all.
Jonathan: It's simple. Priest Maxi didn't want there to be a Halloween, so he decided to scare everyone away from the docks.
David: Yeah. And then he used this flashlight and some cotton swabs to create the ghosts. [shows the flashlight and swabs, then shines the light through the swabs. The pirate ghosts appear in the distance]
Fieldy: [with some cheese and a cup] Then all he needed was some sound effects created by this cup and a piece of cheese. [holds them to his mouth and sounds] Aaaaraargh!
Jonathan: And all he had to do then was create a ghost ship, by using some candles, a mirror, and two squirrels. [genuflects to place the candle between the mirror and the squirrels. A pirate ship appears on the lake]
Chef: Father, why did you go to all this trouble?
Fr. Maxi: Because Halloween is an abomination of God. I would do anything to stop this wretched, unholy holiday!
Chef: Including k*lling people and wreaking havoc all over South Park?
Brunet: Don't you see that by trying to stop Halloween you've scared the hell out of everybody?
Fr. Maxi: No.
Barbrady: Okay buddy, you can explain downtown! [takes the priest away]
Sheila: Well, this is all fine and good, but it doesn't explain what happened to my mother's body!
Kyle: Yeah! Where's Grandma? [the dog walks in and begins regurgitating. First, the head comes out]
Mob: Eeewww! [the rest of the body comes out]
Stan: There she is!
Mob: Oooh!
Man: Ho-hoh.
Chef: Well thanks a lot, KoRn! You KoRn powers really came through for us!
Sharon: Yes! We were wrong about you. Will you please play for our Halloween party?
Jonathan: Well, sure. Why the heck not?
Mob: All right! [the pirate cutout is hoisted up on two poles]
Pirate Voice: Raarrrr!
Stan: Oh, no! The pirate ghosts are back! [the cutout shakes and falls away, revealing Nibblet]
All: Nibblet!
Nibblet: Uh oh!
[The stage on the docks. KoRn is preparing for their concert. The mob is spread out in front of the stage. Jonathan takes the mic.]
Jonathan: Well, this sure has been a wacky night, but me and the g*ng learned a lot, and we hope you did too. You all perceived us to be mean, evil people, but, really, we're just normal guys. And we all perceived pirate ghosts to be real when, actually, they were just cotton swabs. So I guess the lesson is: it's easy to perceive somethin' someway, and then be wrong. So we all need to learn to be a little less perceptive.
All: [reflecting] Yeah.
Jonathan: The g*ng and I wrote a song about it, and it goes goes a little somethin' like this:
And a-one, and-a-two, and a [goes right into "Falling Away From Me." The strobe lights come on, and the crowd looks a little stunned. The fifth graders are at the very front of the crowd, and the body of Grandma Broflovski inches up to them]
Stan: Boo!
Fifth Graders: Aaaah! [they run away]
Stan, Kyle: Sweet! [Nibblet floats up to the Antonio Banderas blow-up doll and punctures it. It deflates, alerting Cartman]
Cartman: Antonio, no! [sees Nibblet and goes after it] You son of a bitch chicken from outer space… thing, come back here! [KoRn continues playing. At another part of the docks, Mr. Garrison holds court over the Halloween Costume Contest. Kenny is present]
Mr. Garrison: And the winner of the costume contest is [reads the name] Wendy, for her Chewbacca costume! Come on up, Wendy. [she rushes up and stands next to him]
Kenny: [droops] (Awww.)
[End of KORN's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery… Wait a minute! Dejected, Kenny walks away slowly from the crowd. A tiny snowspeeder flies by and wraps a cable around his costume's legs. He begins to stumble]
Kenny: (What the hell? What the f*ck is this?!) [two more speeders fly by and b*mb him to bits, and rats converge on him.] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x10 - KORN's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery"} | foreverdreaming |
[The Cartman house, day. Cartman is watching TV and snacking on soomething. Kitty walks up]
Kitty: Reowr.
Cartman: No, Kitty! These are my spicy-hot Louisiana-baked Chicken Tenders!
Kitty: Reowr.
Cartman: No, Kitty! [the TV screen shows a blond Ash-like figure surrounded by three little monsters]
"Ash": Someday, I will collect all the Chinpoko Mon. Then I will fight the Evil Power that will reveal itself once all the Chinpoko Mon are collected- [tilts his head to one side] oh?
Kitty: Roar?
Cartman: [affecting an anime look] No, Kitty. You can't have these chicken tenders, because they are mine, and I keep mine to myself- oh?
Annoucner: Be sure to tune in tomorrow for another inexplicable episode of… CHINPOKOMON.
Cartman: [exults] Hooray! [hops off the sofa and begins to walk away…]
Annoucner: Hey kids! [Cartman turns to look at the TV] Do you love Chinpokomon?
Cartman: Yes.
Announcer: Well, now you can buy your very own! [the little mosnters begin to flash across the screen]
Singer: I've got to buy Chinpokomon
I've got to buy it, I've got to buy it! [six Chinpokomon appear]
Announcer: [more Chinpokomon appear…] Now you can collect them all. Furrycat, Donkeytron, Pengin, Shoe, Lambtor. Collect them all, and you can become Royal Crown Chinpoko Master.
Cartman: Whoa! Crown Chinpoko Master?! Holy shit!
Announcer: All the Chinpokomon are in stores now.
Japanese Woman: [dressed in business attire] Chinpokomon is soo-peh-rior rubbeh toy, Nuhmbah 1!
Singer: Come buy us! Chinpo-ko-mon!
Cartman: [turns off TV and rushes to the kitchen, tossing the chicken tenders away] Mom! Mom!
[The kitchen. Liane is at the sink. Cartman rushes in and runs circles around her legs]
Cartman: [pants] Mom! Seriously! Let's go to the toy store, Mom. Now! Must go! Toy store!
Liane: Eric, calm down. [genuflects and restrains him]
Cartman: Uh seriously! Mom! Must go! Must buy!
Liane: What is it, Eric?
Cartman: [breathless] Muh. Mom, I've only just heard. They're making Chinpokomon dolls, mom. You can collect them all. You can collect them all, Mother; quick, come on. Let's go to the toy store.
Liane: [stands up and turns to the counter] I'm making you some lunch right now, Eric.
Cartman: [stops] …But Mo-o-om, I have to get Chinpokomon dolls before everybody else does, 'cause then I'll be coo-oo-ool.
Liane: Can't it wait till tomorrow, hon?
Cartman: [shriek] …But Mo-o-om, I have to get the first one, or else people won't think I'm coo-oo-ool!
Liane: Alright! let's go. [heads towards the front door. Cartman follows]
Cartman: Sweet.
[The toy store, "TOYS." Cartman and Liane approach it]
YES! We Have CHINPOKOMON!
Cartman: Everybody's gonna be sooo jealous when they see my Chinpokomon. [Liane opens the door, and both are shocked to find the store full of kids looking around and walking with Chinpokomon dolls. The class is there…]
Girl: [amid the din] Give it to me!
Boy: Give it here!
Cartman: Oh, God damnit! [walks in and runs into Stan]
Stan: Hey, fatass.
Cartman: Hey, dick-whore. I guess you saw the commercial, too.
Stan: Yep. I got: Roostor, Lambtron, and Shoe.
Cartman: Well, that's nice, but I'm gonna get a Pengin. He's the coolest. [walks to the Pengin canister and finds it empty] God damnit, there's no more Pengins! [Kenny walks over with one] Kenny, Pengin is my favorite. That's the last one. Let me have it. [starts pulling]
Kenny: (Nuh uh.) [pulls back. Tug-of-w*r]
Cartman: C'mon.
Kenny: (Nuh uh!)
Cartman: C'mon, Kenny. Let me ha-
Kenny: (No!)
Cartman: C'mon.
Kenny: (No!)
Cartman: C'mon. Give me Pengin!
Kenny: (No! This is mine!)
Cartman: C'mon!
[The checkout counter. Sharon is ready to pay for some Chinpokomon. Liane has one, too. Sharon turns to Liane]
Sharon: Honestly, I don't see what they find so amusing about those things.
Liane: They're so strange. Where are they from?
Cashier: Well, it's some new big thing from Japan. I tell you, those Japanese really know how to market to kids.
"Ash": [on a TV screen] I've got to collect all Chinpokomon. I've got to collect them all so I can become Royal Crown Chinpoko Master - oooh? [static]
Japanese woman: Own-ah Chinpokomon, and-ah you vill-ah have-ah happy feelings-eh. [static]
"Ash": I have to become Royal Crown Chinpoko Master.
Kids: [recite as they disperse] Must collect Chinpokomon.
[South Park, next day. The boys stand around with their Chinpokomon. Kyle is missing.]
Cartman: Okay, Kenny. I'll trade you my Chuchunezumi for your Pengin.
Kenny: (f*ck you!)
Cartman: God damnit, you're supposed to trade those, you assh*le! Now, give me Pengin!
Kyle: [arrives] Hey dudes. [notices] What are those?
Stan: What are these? They're Chinpokomon!
Kyle: Huh??
Cartman: [haltingly] You don't appear to have any Chinpokomon.
Kyle: No, but look: I just got this sweet Cyborg Bill doll.
Cartman: Oho, please. Cyborg Bill is so yesterday.
Stan: Yeah, like ancient history.
Kyle: Cyborg Bill isn't cool anymore?
Stan: No, dude!
Cartman: Cyborg Bill hasn't been cool for a long time, Kyle.
Kyle: Why the hell don't people tell me these things?!
Cartman: It's all Chinpokomon now.
Stan: Dude, if you collect Chinpokomon you can complete the Primary Main Objective.
Kyle: What's the Primary Main Objective?
Cartman: You don't even know what the Primary Main Objective is?
Stan: The Primary Main Objective is to destroy the Evil Power.
Kyle: Well. what's the Evil Power?
Stan: [exasperated] Ogh!
Cartman: [exasperated] Oh, my God! The identity of the Evil Power won't be revealed until all Chinpokomon are collected by a Royal Crown Chinpoko Master!
Kyle: What?
Cartman: Duuuh!
Stan: Kyle, get with the times, dude! [turns and walks away with Cartman and Kenny]
Cartman: Duuuh!
Kyle: [throws down Cyborg Bill] Shit!
[The Broflovski house. Sheila and Gerald are talking on the sofa. Ike sits to Gerald's left]
Gerald: Yeah, I guess so.
Kyle: [enters] Mom, Dad, can I have money to buy Chinpokomon?
Sheila: What's a Chinpokomon?
Kyle: I'm not sure.
Sheila: Well, why do you need one?
Kyle: I don't know.
Sheila: …Well then, the answer is no, Kyle. You just got money to buy your Cyborg Bill doll.
Kyle: Yeah, but Cyborg Bill is totally gay now. Please Mom? Everybody else has Chinpokomon.
Gerald: Well, Kyle, that's not a reason to buy something.
Ike: Neah Kyle doh.
Gerald: You see, son, fads come and go. And this "Chin-po-ko Mon" is obviously nothing more than a fad. You don't have to be a part of it. In fact, you can make an even stronger statement by saying to your peers, "I'm not going to be a part of this fad, because I'm an individual." Do you understand?
Kyle: Yes. Yes, I do, Dad. Now let me tell you how it works in the real world. In the real world, I can either get a Chinpokomon, or I can be the only kid without one, which singles me out, and causes the other kids to make fun of me and kick my ass.
Gerald: Hm. Good point; here's $10. [hands it to him]
Kyle: Thanks.
Gerald: Wait, here's 20. Get one for your brother, too. [Kyle receives the other $10 and walks out]
Ike: Hey, Chih-paw-ko.
[The toy store. Kyle has just purchased a Lambtor]
Cashier: [hands him the doll] There you go, son. I honestly don't know what you see in these things.
Kyle: Neither do I. [turns and walks out.]
Cashier: [closes the door and turns off the lights] I guess I'll call it a night. [heads towards the back]
A voice: Chinpoko! [the cashier turns] Buy me! Buy me! [the cashier heads for the Chinpokomon display] When will you become Royal Chinpoko Master? [the cashier gets a Lambtor and squeezes it, making a little squeak.] Hurry up and buy me. [squeeze] Down with America!
Cashier: What? [squeeze]
Lambtor: I love you. Let's be best friends, and destroy the capitalistic American government.
Cashier: What the hell is goin' on here?!
[The Cartman house, next day. The boys are engaged in a video game. Again, Kyle is absent]
Kyle: [enters] Hey you guys! Check out my sweet Chinpokomon doll!
Cartman: Oh, please, Chinpokomon dolls are so last week.
Kyle: What?
Stan: Yeah, dude. Don't you know? It's all about the Chinpokomon video game now. Did you bring your special Chinpokomon game controller?
Kyle: [a little lost] Huh? No.
Cartman: [haltingly] Oh, you didn't get a special Chinpokomon game controller. T-heh heh heh heh. Jehesus C-hrist!
Announcer: Chinpokomon, what is Primary Objective?
Stan, Cartman, Kenny: To destroy the Evil Power!
"Ash": I've got to buy all the Chinpokomon so I can destroy the Evil Power - oooh?
Stan, Cartman, Kenny: Oooh?
Kyle: Damnit! [walks out]
"Ash": I've got to buy them all, so first I'd better go to Hawaii and visit Pearl Harbor.
Japanese woman: [pops up] Gottai to b*mb thah hahbah! Deddy? [vanishes]
"Ash": Go! ["GO" pops up, and the boys are furiously maneuvering their controllers]
Kenny: (Hey, you guys.) [the boys b*mb the harbor, grunting all the while]
"Ash": I must buy them all! I must buy them all!
Stan, Cartman, Kenny: We must buy them all! [they finish the first round of b*mb and fly away]
Japanese woman: [pops up] Gottai to b*mb thah hahbah! [drops down. The second round begins and the b*mb is more intense. Kenny begins to convulse and finally drops off the sofa. Play stops as Cartman and Stan look on with shock]
Stan: Dude! The video game gave Kenny a seizure.
Cartman: Cool! This game rules!
[Japan, later, Chinpokomon Company, outside. An insde sh*t looks to the main doors as they open, and one man walks in]
Cashier: Hello-o? Ey, hello? [a monitor drops down from above]
Japanese woman: [on screen] Werucome to Chinpokomon Toy Corporashon. Purease state a-name.
Cashier: Rr- Red Harris? I own a toy store in Aemrica?
Japanese woman: Purease state the puhpose-uh.
Red: Uh, I wanna know what the hell you people are doing with these dolls, talkin' about bringin' down American government and all? [the monitor is pulled up in a hurry, and an elevator rises from the floor. The doors open and two men walk towards him.]
Taller man: I am President Hirohito. And-ah, this is Mr. Ose.
Mr. Ose: [nods forward] Peased to meet you.
President Hirohito: We unduhstand you have big concern about our fine pro-duct.
Red: Oh, eh- yes. Do you mind tellin' me what the hell this is about? [squeezes Lambtor]
Lambtor: The American government lies to you! Join the fight for Japanese supremacy of the world! More to come. [the two men remain silent]
Red: Well?
Mr. Ose: Uuuh.
President Hirohito: That is so sturange. [takes Lambtor from Red] I do not a-know how this could happen. But urest assured, I will make sure [glares sideways at Mr. Ose] it does not happong again!
Red: Well, now, come on, I don't think that that quite satisfies my-
President Hirohito: You are American?
Red: Yes.
President Hirohito: [begins to gesture] Ogh! You must have very big pee-anis!
Red: Excuse me? I was just asking you what you're up to with these toys!
President Hirohito: Nothing. We are very simple people. With very small penis. Mr. Ose penis is …especially small.
Mr. Ose: [fakes a sob] Uh, smuh, so small.
President Hirohito: We cannot achieve much with so small penis. But you! Americans. Wow! Penis so big! SOOO big penis!
Red: [flattered] Well uh, he-I guess it is a pretty good size.
Mr. Ose: Minata, kite kite! ["Everone, come come!" A group of Japanese women move in, chattering] This-a man has veh-ry big penis! [the women applaud, Red grins big]
Woman 1: Take takeru o da ne? ["It's rather large, isn't it?"]
Woman 2: Hai. ["Yes."]
Mr. Ose: Uh, hoh, what an-whoa immense penis-uh!
Red: Well, it certainly was nice meeting you folk, I just wanted to bring that little malfunction to your attention. Bye-bye now.
President Hirohito: Good-bye. Thank you for stopping by, with your gargantuan penis. [Red walks out humming happily. After a moment Hirohoto looks angrily at Mr. Ose] Dame, dame da. ["Bad, this is bad." The women move away quickly. He slaps Mr. Ose] Naze kono chippu wa soto ni detandaba? ["How could you let this chip go out?!"]
Mr. Ose: Wa, wakarimasen, sachoo san. Mondai desu nee. ["I, I don't know, boss. That's the problem."]
President Hirohito: Sekinin shoo yobe! ["You're no longer in charge!"]
Mr. Ose: Hai. Hai, sachoo san. ["Yes. Yes, boss." He bows out]
[The Cartman house, night. Kitty roars outside. Cartman is asleep, but tossing…]
Cartman: I've got to buy Chinpokomon. I've got to… buy them. Must buy Chinpokomon.
[His Chinpokomon sends up an antenna, which sends out a signal, which goes out the window and joins other signals at a point in space. Then the merged signals go to a satellite, which bounces them to Japan. The signals reach the Chinpokomon Toy Corporation's rooftop satellite dish and split up to show each Chinpokomon in its own screen on the company's video wall. President Hirohito is talking to his board of directors under heavy guard]
President Hirohito: Amerika ni, kodomo zenbu Chinpokomon motte iru. Kore kara, "phase two" hajimete. IKIMASHOO! ["All the children in America own Chinpokomon. We'll begin "phase two" there. LET'S GO!" The soldiers set their r*fles] The time has come! We will take Pearl Harbor!
[The Marsh house next day. A TV is on: "I've got to buy it! I've got to buy it! Chinpokomon!" Sharon sits on the sofa looking at the cartoon]
Randy: [walks up] What are you doing?
Sharon: I'm watching one of Stanley's Chinpokomon video tapes.
Randy: Why?
Sharon: Our son loves this show, Randy, so I think it's important that we watch it to see if it's teaching him good moral values. [Randy sits]
"Ash": [addressing a robot rooster] Hey, you must be Roostor! I haven't bought one of you yet, but I'll bet you can transform into Roostallion if you found Diamond Skill 7! [picks it up and squeezes]
Roostor: Roo-oo-oostor! [a teen boy in black body suit emblazoned with an 8 appear]
"Eight": [does the following as he speaks] Hey, I'm gonna take your Roostor and put it in this bag, where it will flourish or expire, depending on fate!
"Ash": Hey! Is that a good idea?
"Eight": Roostors aren't like Chuchunezumis. They haven't the heart for such endeavors.
"Ash": Oooh? [Randy and Sharon look lost]
Randy: …Are those good moral values?
Sharon: I don't know what the hell they're talking about.
[The Marsh house, later. Randy and Sharon watch a battle scene in disbelief]
"Ash": Lambtron! You are losing the battle of your life! [Lambtron battles Furrycat]
Narrator: But Lambtron's powers also give him a good chance for a new fight. Will he succeed?
"Ash": I am sad now, because Lambtron must be very lonely because there are so few Lambtrons in the world. Will he ever find a companion?
Sharon: This doesn't make sense. Are those stupid things supposed to be animals or robots or what?!
Randy: I don't know, but I suddenly kinda wanna own them all.
Sharon: Randy, we can't allow our son to watch this stuff!
Randy: Well, it's not like it's vulgar or violent.
Sharon: No, but it's incredibly stupid, and that could be worse on a child's mind than any vulgarity or v*olence. Remember what "Battle Of The Network Stars" did to an entire generation.
Randy: [solemnly] My God, you're right.
[South Park, by Tom's Rhinoplasty, day. Cartman is strumming a guitar. A sign on the case reads]
Please HELP…
Boys
Sent to camp
Cartman: Come on, brothers and sisters, we've all got to join together.
Join together and give me money so I can buy more Chinpokomon!
We've got to stop this fight and…
Stan: [arrives with Kenny] How's it goin', fatass?
Cartman: I haven't made any money yet.
Stan: What?! You've been out here all weekend! How are we gonna raise money to get into the Chinpokomon camp?
Cartman: Ey! I'm the one who's been standing out here with this gay guitar like a God-damned hippie all weekend! What have you two assholes done?!
Stan: We can't do anything. Kenny still hasn't come out of his seizure. [moves Kenny so the glazed eyes can be seen]
Kyle: [rushes up with a new item] I got it! I got my Chinpokomon game controller! [The others look at him and then laugh]
Cartman: Jesus Tapdancing Christ! Get with the program, Kyle!
Stan: Yeah. Nobody plays the Chinpokomon video games anymore. Now it's all about the big weekend Chinpokomon camp.
Kyle: Camp?
Cartman: [sighs] The makers of Chinpokomon are going town to town and putting on a special camp to show all the Chinpoko Masters how to destroy the Evil Power.
Stan: You didn't know that?
Kyle: [quickly saving face] No, uh-I knew it! I knew it. I was just testing you guys. You just wait till I get to that Chinpokomon camp! I'm gonna be the toughest master of them all! So we'll see you there, a-ight? [turns and walks away]
Stan: Dude, did you just say "a-ight"?
Kyle: [turns back] Yeah. You know, like Lauren Hill. A-ight?
Cartman: Oh, my God, that's so yesterday!
Stan: Yeah, dude. Nobody says "a-ight" anymore.
Kyle: What?? "A-ight"'s not cool, either?? When did that happen?
Cartman: Like, eight days ago.
Kyle: God damnit! [turns and hurries away]
[The Marsh house, night. The TV is shown]
Announcer: Hey, kids! [Furrycat appears] Only one more day till the Chinpokomon camp! ["Ash" and "Eight" appear] Come early and enjoy all the Chinpoko fun! ["CHINPOKO MON CAMP" is placed over Furrycat, then a violet gorilla appears]
Singer: Chinpokomon Camp!
I've got to buy a ticket!
I've got to buy one! A ticket!
I've got to buy buy buy!
Japanese woman: [pops in from the side] It'sa Satuhday anda Sunday. You can'ta wait to go! [moves out]
Singer: Chinpoko Mon!
[The living room. The Broflovskis, Liane, the McCormicks, and the Tweeks join the Marshes. The TV clicks off, and Sharon speaks]
Sharon: We just thought we'd bring it to everyone's attention because, honestly, we don't know how to feel.
Liane: Well, I'm letting Eric go to the camp. I mean, it seems to me this Chinpokomon thing is just another harmless fad.
Sheila: Yeah. We told Kyle he could go if he did all his chores, and he did.
Randy: [concerned] Now, I'm not sure this blatant commercialism is good for our boys.
Sheila: Well, you know how it is, Randy. The more we forbid them to play with Chinpokomons, the more they're gonna love them.
Sharon: You're right, Sheila. I guess the best thing we can do is just let them go until they get sick of it.
Sheila: Sure. Apparently, they've been doing these camps in every city around the country; how bad can they be?
[A chinpokomon camp. A huge temple looms over the crowd of kids. Three huge screens display the Chinpokomon program. Soldiers guard the screens and the central stairway. Stan and friends move through the crowd. Several classmates are already there]
Cartman: Get outta the way! Move it!
Stan: Can you see anything? [the gorilla chinpokomon appears onscreen]
Kids: YAY!!! [appaluse]
Stan: It's starting, it's starting!
Singer: I've got to buy it! I've got to buy it! Chinpokomon! [the kids continue to cheer and clap. Mr. Ose takes center stage]
Mr. Ose: Attention! Attention! [the kids quiet down] This isa Chinpokomon Camp!
Kids: Chinpokomon is what we strive to be great at in our hearts!
Kyle: …our hearts. [looks left] Kenny? [Kenny stands motinless]
Mr. Ose: What is the Primary Main Objective?
Kids: To destroy the Evil Power!
Kyle: …Power.
Mr. Ose: Yesuh. Anda what is the Evil Power? [no one answers] The Evil Power is the UNITED STATESUH GOVERNMENT! [the three screens display the U.S. flag. The kids stay silent]
Cartman: Ooooh.
Mr. Ose: United Statesuh government is the Evil Power! It hasa taken Japanese Americans! It hasa broken Japanese spirit! And what do Chinpoko Masters do to Evil Power?!
Kids: Destroy it!
Kyle: Destroy it?
Mr. Ose: That isa correct! Now, it isa great honor to present… your Chinpoko Leaduh! Emperor Hirohito! [a gong is heard, and Mr. Ose claps a few times]
Emperor Hirohito: [President Hirohito in g*n attire takes center stage] Welcome to campu. Whoever passes it knows and honors that the greatness of Japan is in its history, and it is based on that history that we shall again rise to the dominant world powuh!
Cartman: Is this cool or not? I can't tell.
Emperor Hirohito: It is again time for the Rising Sun to sit tall in the sight! One Japan! One society! [walks off. Mr. Ose claps and takes the mike]
Mr. Ose: We will begin witha language anda exercise skills. Hajimete!! ["Begin!" Two instructors walk up]
Instructors: [doing squats] Ichi, ni, san, shi! ["1, 2, 3, 4!"]
Kids: Ichi, ni, san, shi! Ichi, ni, san, shi!
[South Park Elementary, Mr. Garrison's class. The kids are chatting away happily in Japanese. All have anime expressions]
Mr. Garrison: Okay, children, I want it quiet! [the class shuts up] Now, we're gonna try this again until we get it right! What is 6 x 3?
Stan: Juuhachi desu ka? ["Isn't it 18?"]
Class: Juuhachi da nee! ["Eighteen it is!"]
Mr. Garrison: NO, GOD DAMNIT, IT'S 18!
Stan: Juuhachi is 18, Garrison-san.
Mr. Garrison: For the last time, my name is not Garrison-san, all right?! And this is not Hat-san! And you all better start talking in a manner that I can understand!
Cartman: Wuu, Garrison-san sabuchii dana! ["Ooo, Mr. Garrison is such an assh*le!"]
Mr. Garrison: What did he say?!
Stan: He said, "Garrison-san sabuchii da naa!"
Class: Soo desu nee! ["That's right!"]
Mr. Garrison: Damnit, this is not Japan!!
Cartman: Minata! Kite kite, churi- [farts. The class laughs]
Wendy: Dare ga pu shita no. ["Who farted?"]
Mr. Garrison: Aaaaah! [rushes out of the room amid the kids' laughter]
[City Hall, the Mayor's Office. The parents are gathered in it]
Mayor: People, please! We can only speak one at a time. Now, Mr. Garrison, you were saying…
Mr. Garrison: I can't take it, Mayor. You have to put an end to this Chinpoko Camp.
Sharon: [Randy holds her] My son hasn't made any sense in days.
Fr. Maxi: I tell you, Mayor, these Japanese are trying to change our American children somehow!
Mayor: Alright, people, Mr. Hirohito and Mr. Ose were nice emough to stop by to talk to you. Gentlemen? [Mr. Hirohito and Mr. Ose step up]
President Hirohito: We at the Japan Toy Compnay are vetty cohncerned about-a your cohncerns. That is why we make Chinpokomon camp.
Randy: Well, how is it good?! We don't understand what the point of your product is!
President Hirohito: There is nothing to worry about. We at Japan Toy Compnay are in awe of your large penis.
Mr. Garrison: What?
President Hirohito: You see, Japanese penis so small [holds his hands about an inch apart]
Mr. Ose: [set his index finger an inch from his thumb] So-eh small.
President Hirohito: You Americans have such humungous burbous penis.
Mr. Garrison: Well, uh-I guess that's true.
Mr. Ose: Oh, suh-n nice-a big penis American.
President Hirohito: What can we possubruh do with such small penis? We cannot take over your city, filled witha men awith such mastodonic penis.
Jimbo: Huwell, uh he's got a point there.
Randy: Well, I guess that settles that.
Fr. Maxi: We're sorry we took your time, gentlemen.
President Hirohito: [bowing with Mr. Ose] Oh, no. Thank you. Another chance to be in same room with big American penis. [exits]
Mr. Ose: Uh, uh, my penis so small. [exits]
Fr. Maxi: Nice guys. [the door closes]
[City Hall, outside the Mayor's Office.]
President Hirohito: Jikan ganai. Suberi maratsuba. Sukash. Simenu bi faamo werosii kowai samaneba. ["Time is short. Those people will discover our plan soon. We must finish quickly."]
[City Hall, the Mayor's Office. The men and women have split into two groups by gender. Sharon speaks]
Sharon: So, what are we going to do about our children? [the men smile down at their crotches] Aah, hello-o?
Mayor: O-kay, people. I know this Chinpuku Man fad is causing a lot of problems. But I think we've already found a solution.
Liane: You have?
Mayor: Children are fickle. [thump] All we have to do is come up with a new fad. We find the next toy and turn them all onto it as soon as possible.
Sharon: Of course! That's a great idea!
Sheila: But what toy?
[South Park Market Research Laboratories, a nondescrpt building. A big-screen TV is shown, flanked by two lab techs. Then a sofa is shown, with Kyle, Stan, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters]
Lab Tech 1: Alright, boys, we're going to show you a couple of comemrcials, and you tell us which toy interests you the most. Now, watch carefully. [the first one comes on]
Announcer: Hey, kids. Do you like Chinpokomon?
Boys: Yeah!
Announcer: Well then, you're gonna go wild for [echo comes on as a weird bike is shown] Wild Wacky Action Bike! [a bike with two single-arm handles, one attached to each wheel, and two lumpy side wheels]
Singer: Wild Wacky Action Bike! The bike that's hard to ride!
Announcer: [a boy runs to the bike and hops on, trying to figure out how to steer it] Wild Wacky Action Bike is almost impossible to steer. And look: it glows in the dark!
Singer: Goin' to try to ride all day long, but I'm goin' to fail
'Cause it's Wild Wacky Action Bike!
Boy: [manages to steer it, but runs into some cones] Man. [then steers it well enough down the street]
Singer: You get about in, you get about in Wild Wacky Action Bike!
Boy: Aaaaa-agh! [ends up under a truck. A cloud of steam rushes out on impact]
Announcer: Wild Wacky Action Bike comes with everything you see here. [the boys say nothing for a while, then…]
Cartman: …Gay.
Stan: Yeah, dude. That was totally gay.
Lab Tech 1: Ooh. [writes "GAY" under "Wild Wacky Action Bike" on his "Test Results" pad and underlines it] Wuh-okay, here's the next one.
Announcer: Hey, kids. Do you like Chinpokomon?
Boys: Yeah!
Announcer: Well then, you're gonna love… Alabama Man! ["ALABAMA MAN" over the Stars and Bars, then Alabama Man is shown with bowling ball and beer can]
Singer: Alabama Man! He's quick, he's strong, he's happ'nin'
Announcer: You can take Alabama Man to the bowling alley, where he drinks heavily and chews tobacco. [A little bowling alley is shown, with Alabama Man standing on a platform that connects to the alley by a ramp. Behind that sits a woman doll keeping score]
Boy 1: [watching Alabama Man swing a bowling ball] Wow! He can bowl. [presses a button, releasing the bowling ball. It goes down the bowling alley and knocks six pins down]
Singer: He can bowl, he can drink, he can drink and bowl. Alaba-ma Man.
Announcer: When his wife asks him where he's been, just use the action button [Alabama Man is made to knock her down], and Alabama Man busts her lip open.
Boy 1: [with Alabama Man. Boy 2 has his wife] Shut up, bitch! [has Alabama Man knock his wife down]
Boy 2: Wow!
Singer: He b*at the wife and sleeps it off. Alabama Man!
Boys 1 & 2: I wanna be just like Alabama man.
Announcer: Alabama Man comes with everything you see here. Wife sold separately.
Boy 2: I thought I told you to shut up! [has Alabama Man knock his wife down with a backhand]
Announcer: Not all people from Alabama are wife-beaters. [Again, the boys stay silent]
Cartman: Gay.
Stan: Totally gay.
Kyle: Liberace gay.
Lab Tech 1: [writes "GAY" under "Alabama Man" and underlines it twice] Oooh, dear. Well, let's keep trying. How about this? [cuts into an actual commercial…]
[South Park, next weekend. The adults are lined up on either side of Main Street as Mr. Ose leads the kids through the town. Japanese flags, a poster of President Hirohito, and red flags are being paraded]
Mr. Ose: Owatta! ["Down with"]
Kids: Beikoku! ["the U.S.A.!"]
Mr. Ose: Owatta!
Kids: Beikoku!
Mr. Ose: Owatta!
Kids: Beikoku! Nihon en ima hajimaru! ["Its fate is now to become Japan!"]
Mr. Ose: Owatta!
Sharon: Stan?
Kids: Beikoku!
Sharon: Stan, it's Mommy! [starts to move with the troops]
Mr. Ose: Owatta!
Kids: Beikoku!
Mr. Ose: Owatta!
Sharon: Stanley,-
Kids: Beikoku!
Sharon: -you need to come home right now.
Mr. Ose: Owatta!
Kids: Beikoku!
Sharon: Mommy misses you.
Mr. Ose: Owatta!
Kids: Beikoku!
Sharon: Stanley, I'm talking to you!
Mr. Ose: Owatta!
Kids: Beikoku! [Sharon steps in and takes Stan's hand. The troops gather round, forcing her back] Ooh?
Sharon: [pleading] Stan, please, come home!
Stan: Kore wa watashi no uchi desu. ["This is my home now."]
Kids: So desu nee. ["That's right."]
Mr. Ose: Ooh? [resumes his position. Sharon looks betrayed] Do not worry. Everything isa okay.
Sharon: No it's not okay!
Mr. Ose: Oh, but-a you have-a such large penis-uh. [behind him, Stan has a fierce expression on his face]
Sharon: What?
Mr. Ose: Your penis, WOW! [President Hirohito walks up and slaps him] O-oh.
President Hirohito: What he means is that all men in this town have very large penis. [all the men smile at the compliment]
Sharon: Can't you see what's happening?! They're just using that talk to distract you! He doesn't really have a small penis!
President Hirohito: Misenasai! ["Show them!" Mr. Ose takes down his pants. The people are shocked, and he pulls them up again.]
Sharon: Oh! [the march resumes]
Mr. Ose: Owatta!
Kids: Beikoku!
Mr. Ose: Owatta!
Kids: Beikoku!
Gerald: Oh God, is there nothing we can do?
Sharon: [turns to face the adults] Wait a minute. Wait a minute, I think I know the answer! I know how to get our kids to stop liking Chinpokomon! [the last of the troops leaves]
Sheila: How?
Sharon: Come on! We don't have much time! [leads the adults away]
[Washington, DC, the White House.]
Reporter: And now, for a special annoucement from the President of the United States.
Presidetn Clinton: [from the Oval Office] My fellow Americans, I wish to address the concerns many of us have over the growing number of Japanese military bases forming in the United States. The new Japanese emperor, Hirohito, has made our own children into fighter pilots who will soon fly to Hawaii and att*ck Pearl Harbor. I spoke with Mr. Hirohito this morning, and he assured me that I have a very large penis. He said it was mammoth, dinosauric, and absolutely dwarfed his penis, which, he assured me, was nearly microscopic in size. My penis, he said, was most likely one of the biggest on the planet. I applaud Mr. Hirohito in his honesty. Thank you.
[A Japanese military base. Eighteen planes and 39 troops are seen. The kids stand at attention. Kyle is missing]
Mr. Ose: Your plane will fly autopilot to Pearl Harbor! When you arrive you will drop many b*mb!
Kids: Hai, sachoo-san ["Yes, Mr. President." The kids part to the planes. Stan, Cartman, and Kenny run into the adults]
Stan: Nan da kore? ["What's this?!"]
Randy: Chinpoko ga dai-suki yoo! ["We're crazy about this Chinpoko stuff." All the adults carry Chinpokomon now]
Stan: What?
Randy: Uh we just came to support you. We love Chinpokomon, too. It's super toy, number 1!
Stan: You like it?
Mr. Garrison: You bet. I think Chinpokoman is chinpokorrific. I got Shoe.
Liane: Come on, Eric. Let's try to battle your Roostor with my Donkeytron.
Cartman: Uh… no, that's okay, Mom.
President Hirohito: Whar are they doing?!
Mr. Ose: It's a trick!
Randy: Hey, Stan, look at my new bumper sticker. ["MY KID IS A CHINPOKOKID" with a smiling kid's face on the left end, and a Lambtron on the right. Randy walks to it and kneels to display it] Isn't that cool?
Stan: [holding a Chuchunezumi] No. [the adults laugh, and he throws the Chuchunezumi away] Screw this, dude. [starts walking out]
Cartman: Where are you going, Stan?
Stan: Huh, I don't know. Chinpokomon just doesn't seem that cool anymore. I'm gonna go k*ll some ants or something. [walks away]
Cartman: Wait for me, I wanna get out of these stupid clothes. [follows]
Other kids: Yeah. Me too! Me too. [each one tosses a Chinpokomon onto a pile and leaves the airfield. A Lambtron lands on its side and a kid steps on it. The adults cheer.]
President Hirohito: [grabbing his head in frustrated disbelief] Ooooh!
Randy: Well, you were right, Sharon. The best way to make our kids not like something is to like it ourselves.
Sharon: That's right. Anything we like is instantly not cool. [turns to Mr. Garrison] We know how to take them out, Mr. Garrison! Spread the word! Get on the wire to every parent around the country and tell them how to bring those sons of bitches down! [he walks over to a telegraph machine and starts spreading the word]
Stan: Hey, Mom, I'm sorry I went a little nutty with that Chinpokomon stuff. Can I have $5 to buy a football?
Sharon: You bet, Stanley! [a fighter plane has left its spot and appears before the crowd. Kyle is in the cockpit]
Kyle: Owatta Beikoku! [the adults are stunned]
Sheila: Kyle, it's over!
Kyle: But I'm gonna be Royal Crown Chinpokomon Master!
Stan: [flatly] Dude, Chinpokomon isn't cool anymore.
Kyle: What?
Cartman: Yeah, dude, that's way over. [some rats are on Kenny, trying to nibble]
Kyle: Dude, you're just jealous because I'm Chinpoko Master!
Stan: No, Kyle. You see, we learned something today. This whole Chinpokomon thing happened because we all followed the group. We only liked Chinpokomon because everyone else did. And look at the damage it caused.
Kyle: So now I should stop liking Chinpokoman because you all don't?
Stan: …Ye-eah.
Kyle: But if I stop now, I'll just be going with the group again. So, to be an individual, I have to b*mb Pearl Harbor. See ya. [moves forward]
Stan: Oh. Wait. [walks with the plane] Actually, I was wrong. You see, Kyle, I learned something, just now. It is good to go with the group. A group mentality is healthy, sometimes.
Kyle: Aw, screw it; I'm too confused. [turns the power off and hops out of the plane. Mr. Garrison walk away]
Randy: Well, I'm sure glad this is all over.
Cartman: [sees rats on Kenny and swats them off] Hey, get offa him! He's not d*ad yet!
[The bus stop, next day. The four boys are waiting. The rats return and crawl all over Kenny]
Cartman: Nnno! Get off, you stupid rats! He's not d*ad yet!
Randy: Hey, you guys wanna go to the toy store after school and get some Spaceman Greg cards?
Kyle: Naw, I think I'm through with fads for a while.
Cartman: Me, too. [Kenny starts to tremble] I'm choosing my own toys from now on, 'cause- [Kenny falls and trembles harder. The others watch]
Stan: What the-? [Kenny's body rips open and a bunch of rats crawl out of him.]
Cartman: Ooooh-ho-ho-ho, gro-hoss! [Stan and Kyle laugh as Cartman looks on.]
[End of Chinpoko Mon] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x11 - Chinpokon Mon"} | foreverdreaming |
[The Cartman house, night. Sharon brings a box into the dining room.]
Liane: [sets the box down on the floor] Eric, Mommy got you a present!
Cartman: [suddenly excited] A present?? Is it a rocket racer?? No, let me guess: It's a Froagman Jay doll! No wait, I know! It's a police power chopper!
Liane: Nnno, I got you something that's going to help you win the big spelling bee tomorrow.
Cartman: [drops and sighs heavily] Mom, I'm not going to win the spelling bee; I never do.
Liane: This year is gonna be different. Look! [places the box on the table] I got you "Hooked On Monkey Fonics." [mom and son look at each other]
Cartman: [after a while] What the hell is "Hooked On Monkey Fonics?"
Liane: It's a new way to learn how to read and spell. And it comes with everything you need to help win that speling bee. [unpacks the contents: two cassette tapes, a tiny drum set, an owner's manual, and a live monkey. The monkey chatters] It says we just put the cassette into a tape player [does it, and presses the Play button. A glissant plays, and the monkey sits behind the drum set]
Female Voice: Welcome to "Hooked On Monkey Fonics," level 1. I will read the sounds and the monkey will help keep the b*at. [Liane smiles] If your monkey arrived in the box d*ad, call 1-800-555-4500 to get a new monkey. Ready? Let's begin. [glissant. The monkey plays. A little rap follows]
The learning monkey is here to say
That reading is easy and it's okay.
[Liane starts swaying like a metronome]
Work with the monkey and you will learn
To spell hard words, like "morbid" and "burn."
Start with Card 1. [Liane holds it up] Ready? Begin! [glissant] C, H. [a "ch" sound] Chalk. [the monkey plays four beats more, then turns to Cartman. One more b*at…]
Cartman: [finally responds, keeping the b*at] C, H. "Ch." Chalk.
Female Voice: Good. Card 2. [Liane holds it up] T, H. [a hard "th"] There.
Cartman: T, H. "Th." There. Hey, this is easy! [raps] I'm gonna win the spelling bee for sure, Mom!
[South Park, next day. A stage has been set up in front of the rebuilt library, and the adults are there to watch. A banner over it reads:]
The 15th Annual South Park Spelling Bee Finals
[On stage, back row, are Wendy, Kevin, Jordan, Clyde, Butters and Bebe. In the front row are Token, a new boy, an empty chair, Kyle, Stan, and Cartman. Off to the left, Mr. Mackey will keep score, but doesn't look at all happy about it. The Mayor is front and center]
Mayor: All right, everyone. Welcome to the 15th Annual South Park Spelling Bee Finals! [the crowd cheers. The Mayor walks over and stands next to Mr. Mackey. The new boy is gone!] This should be very interesting. We have with us twelve of the brightest spellers from South Park Elementary.
Jimbo: Kyle, Kyle, he's our man. If he can't win it, I'm out 50 bucks.
Gerald: You bet money on my son to win?!
Jimbo: Sure! When it comes to spelling bees, always bet on the Jew.
Cartman: You're going down, bitch!
Kyle: Shut up, fatass! Everyone knows I can spell better than you.
Cartman: Yeah, well this year I have a secret w*apon! [signals something with a thumbs-up. The monkey and drums are next to him, on the floor.]
Mayor: And, joining us this year, are the two home-schooled children, Rebecca and Mark Cotswolds! [they enter…]
Jimbo: What?! […and take their seats]
Cartman: Home-schooled kids? Who the hell are they?
Jimbo: Ey, that's not fair! You can't let home-schooled kids into a public-school spelling bee!
Kyle: What's a "home-schooled kid"?
Stan: I don't know, dude. I've never seen them before. [the left side of the groups is shown. Mark, the new kid seen earlier, sits next to Token, and Rebecca takes the aisle seat. The others in their section study them.]
The Cotswolds: [cheering] Go, Mark! Go, Rebecca!
Mayor: [reads, then] Our first contestant is Mark Cotswolds, from home school. [he steps on the platform] All right, Mark. Your word is "conscientious."
Cartman: What?! What the f*ck that that mean?
Mark: "Conscientious." May I have the definition, please?
Mayor: Closely attentive to details. Careful.
Mark: "Conscientious." Could you use it in a sentence, please?
Mayor: Mary's analysis of the spreadsheet was… conscientious.
Mark: "Conscientious." C O N S C I E N T I O U S.
Cartman: [as the bell rings] Holy crap! [the crowd is stunned]
The Cotswolds: Way to go, Mark! Alright!
Mayor: Okay, our next contestant is Eric Cartman. [he goes to the platform, smiling] Alright, Eric, here's your word: chair. Chaaiirr. [he looks to the monkey, who's minding its own business]
Cartman: Come on, Fonics Monkey, drum! [it looks around] Come on! [it begins to drum something else, getting excited. Cartman looks resigned]
Mayor: Eric, your word is "chair."
Cartman: Uuh. Definition?
Mayor: Something you sit on.
Cartman: Country of origin?
Mayor: English! [the angrier she gets, the more afraid Mr. Mackey looks]
Cartman: Could you please use it in a sentence?
Mayor: Oh, for Christ's sake, kid! The word is "chair"!!
Cartman: Uh- chair. C H A R E [the buzzer sounds and Eric panics] God damnit, how come I get the hard ones?! [races off the stage] Get over here, you son of a bitch Fonics Monkey!
[The spelling bee. After several rounds, the other kids are eliminated. The Cotswolds kids and Kyle are the only ones left.]
Mayor: All right, we're down to just three finalists. First up is Rebecca Cotswolds from home school. [Rebecca takes the platform, but casts her eyes down and away from the mayor. She nervously taps her hands together] Alright, Rebecca. Here's your word: littoral.
Rebecca: [voice quivering] "Littoral." Deh-finition?
Mayor: Having to do with a lake or ocean.
Rebecca: "Littoral." Will you please use it in a sentence?
Mayor: Gary was most interested in the littoral features of Michigan.
Rebecca: "Littoral." [Before saying each letter, she opens her hands like a book, whispers the letter into them, and closes them] L I T O R A L
Mayor [sounding the little bell] Correct!
Kyle: [softly] Wow! [he's impressed]
Mr. Cotswolds: [both parents clap] Alright, Rebecca. Good job, honey. [she takes her seat]
Mayor: Now we have Kyle Broflovski. [he takes the platform] Here we go. Krocsyldiphithic.
Kyle: What??
Mayor: Krocsyldiphithic.
Kyle: Definition?
Mayor: Something which has a krocsyldiph-like quality.
Kyle: Uh, could you use it in a sentence?
Mayor: Certainly. "Krocsyldiphithic" is a hard word to spell.
Kyle: "Krocsyldiphic."
Jimbo: You can do it, kid! You can do it!
Kyle: "Krocsyldiphic." C [the buzzer cuts him off] Damnit!
Jimbo: You little bastard, you cost me fifty bucks. [Stuart, Gerald, Randy, and Ned start carrying him away] Why don't you run away and join the circus, you stupid little son of a bitch?! Aaargh!
Mayor: Congratulations, Mark and Rebecca. [hand them their trophies] You are truly South Park's finest. [a print photographer takes a picture]
Stan: [standing before the stage with Cartman and Kenny] Damn, dude. Those home-schooled kids are smart.
Cartman: Yeah. Too bad they have the personalities of a wet dishcloth. [the finalists come off the stage and stand in front of it.]
Kyle: [walks up to Rebecca] What's your name? [apparently, he wasn't paying attention…]
Rebecca: Guh what's in a name? [turns and walks away]
Kyle: Wooww.
Mark: It was nice competing against you boys. We will have to do it again sometime.
Cartman: [mocking] Oh, yes. We must do it again.
Stan: We've never seen you before. Do you live in the woods or something?
Mark: No. I live right over there. [points to a house like any other, but it has bars on its windows] I've lived there all my life.
Cartman: How come you don't go to school?
Mark: Because I'm home-schooled.
Stan: What's that?
Mark: My parent teach me. So I stay at home instead of going to school.
Cartman; You what? Stay at home? All day? No school?
Mark: Right.
Cartman: [waxes poetic]
Who would have thought such a miracle could be?
Who could have known that this moment I would see?
A new way of living, a chance to be free?
Stan: Shut up, Cartman?
Cartman: You shut up, [backhand slap] butthole.
Stan: You shut up, [backhand slap] gaywad!
Cartman: You shut up, [backhand slap] ass-logger!
Mark: [astonished] Oh my goodness, are you two enemies?
Stan: Nno, we're friends.
Mark: Strange, friends would call each other names and fight.
Stan: What?
Mr. Cotswolds: Come, children, let's take our trophies home and place them high up on the mantel. [the family walks away. Kyle looks after Rebecca. Mark looks back at the boys.]
Stan: Dude, what a bunch of freakin' nerdos.
[The Cotswolds house, night. The family is at dinner]
Mark: Papa?
Mr. Cotswolds: Yes, Mark?
Mark: Why can't I go to school with the other boys?
Mrs. Cotswolds: [gasps] Oooh.
Mr. Cotswolds: [leans in on Mark] Well, because, son, public schools are inefficient and dangerous!
Mark: But I want to play with the other children. O, how they laugh and play, Papá.
Mrs. Cotswolds: Mark, you have play time. You get to play in the afternoon.
Mark: I just feel like I should go to public school, if only for a little while. To see what other little boys are like.
Mr. Cotswolds: Mark, public schools are no good! Your mother and I were both home-schooled, and we turned out much better because of it.
Mark: Please, Papá. Just let me try it for a few days.
Mr. Cotswolds: Alright. Fine, Mark! You go ahead and go to public school! You can just find out for yourself how flawed and treacherous it is!
Mark: Hooray!
Mr. Cotswolds: You don't want to go to public school too, do you, Rebecca?
Rebecca: [voice quivering] Oh, heavens, no.
Mr. Cotswolds: Well, thank God for that! At least my daughter will remain safe! [the doorbell rings and all look towards it]
Kyle: [Mrs. Cotswolds opens the door] Uh, hi. Is, uh, is Rebecca home?
Mrs. Cotswolds: Yes she is. [doesn't move]
Kyle: …Uuh, can I talk to her?
Mrs. Cotswolds: Oh. Well, I suppose so. Rebecca! [Rebecca walks up] This little boy wants to see you.
Rebecca: [with hands in prayer pose] Huhlo? [Kyle looks a little dismayed, as her tapping of hands is a habit. He looks at her mom for any assistance, but sees none. He looks at Rebecca again]
Kyle: U-u-uh, hi. [puts his hands behind his back]
Rebecca: Hel-lo.
Kyle: Huuh, I wah… just ah… well… that's all. [turns and hurries away. Rebecca looks, then goes in. Her mom closes the door]
Mr. Cotswolds: [walks up] Who was that?
Mrs. Cotswolds: A little boy wanted to see Rebecca.
Mr. Cotswolds: [wary] Oh no. I told you the spelling bee was a bad idea.
Mrs. Cotswolds: But the children won, and they were happy to meet the other children.
Mr. Cotswolds: Yes, but now I think we may have opened a Pandora's box that we can't close! [they then stand motionless for a while]
[South Park Elementary, day. Mr. Garrison's class. Craig, Butters, and Tweek sit in the front row.]
Mr. Garrison: Hokay, children, we have a new student joining us from home school. Now, his parents are very worried about his safety, so please don't be too cruel to him. Mark? [A large plastic ball rolls into class, and Mark is inside driving it. He runs into Craig's chair and stops]
Mark: Hey, guys. What's up?
Cartman: Dude, what's wrong with you? You got some kind of John Travolta disease?
Mr. Garrison: Alright, children, let's just try to pretend there isn't a little boy in a huge plastic hamster ball here, and go on with our studies. Now, who can tell me when Columbus sailed the seas and discovered America? [Mark and Cartman vie to answer] Ehyes, Mark?
Cartman: Ey! How come you never pick me?!
Mr. Garrison: Because you never know the right answer, butt-for-brains! Yes, Mark?
Mark: The answer is 1492. However, the Americas had already been discovered by many before him, including the Vikings and the Native Americans. And therefore, your question is a charade.
Cartman: Aww, see? That's what I was gonna say!
Mr. Garrison: Well, very impressive, Mark. You should be able to throw the grading curve and flunk all these little bastards. [every kid looks angrily at Mark.]
Stan: Oh, God. This kid's gonna last about five seconds out on the playground.
Mr. Garrison: Now, who can tell me what country Columbus was from? [again, Mark and Cartman vie to answer] Put your hand down, creampuff.
Cartman: That does it! [gets off his seat and moves towards the door] I do not need to sit here and be ridiculed! I'm gonna go be home-schooled from now on!
Stan: You don't wanna be home-schooled, fatass.
Cartman: I'm gonna be home-schooled, and leave all the pain and suffering of public school behind me! Screw you guys, I'm a-gonna be home-schooled! [leaves and closes the door]
Mr. Garrison: Oh, please God, let it be forever.
[The playground. The recess bell rings and the kids rush out the door. Mark joins them in his huge hamster ball. Beside the jungle gym Stan and Pip stand next to each other, with Bebe and Jordan behind them]
Stan: Come on, Pip, say it. Say "Please, h*t me."
Pip: But, if I say that, you'll h*t me.
Stan: No! I'm gonna h*t you if you don't say it. If you say "Please, h*t me," I won't h*t you.
Pip: Please, h*t me.
Stan: All right. [backhand slap]
Pip: Ooowww!
Stan: Alright, we'll try this again, Pip.
Mark: [rolls up] I don't understand. You seem to like that boy, yet hate him at the same time. [Craig and Butters walk up]
Craig: Hey, kid. Get out of that hamster ball.
Mark: Oh. I promised my father I wouldn't.
Stan: Oh, boy. Sorry, dude, you're on your own. [moves out of the way as Craig and Butters position the ball]
Butters: Oowhy yu- you best do what he says, uh home-school kid. Why, this is our part of the playground, see? And uh, a-and if you don't follow our rules, whyuh, why we're gonna duct-tape ya to the bench.
Mark: You mean you would actually duct-tape my entire body to a bench? For what purpose?
Craig: Just get out of the hamster ball, or else you're gonna find out!
[Mark moves to the door and opens it. The ball moves, and Butters holds in in place while Mark flips his way out of it. Once he's on the ground, a bunch of boys come in and crowd him. Token, Bill, Tweek, Clyde, and Terrence join Craig and Butters in carrying Mark to the bench.]
Boys: Okay, let's get him… [more chatter as they place him on the bench and duct-tape him to it]
Butters: Got it. [the boys disperse]
Craig: Have a nice second half of the day, nerdo!
Butters: Yeah why, why, you shouldn't be such a smart-mouthed Mr. Know-It-All!
Mark: Oh, dear.
[The Cotswolds house. Mr. and Mrs. Cotswolds pace their living room, worried about their son's whereabouts]
Mr. Cotswolds: Oh, where could he be? He should've been home from public school by now.
Mrs. Cotswolds: I'm sure he's alright.
Mr. Cotswolds: [a thump on the door] That must be him. [thump. Mr. Cotswolds opens the door, and both parents look]
Mrs. Cotswolds: Waaaaah! [Mark has walked home still strapped to the bench]
Mr. Cotswolds: Oh my God, son!
Mark: Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. [walks in]
Mr. Cotswolds: Mark, what have they done to you?!
Mark: Well, they duct-taped me to a bench.
Mrs. Cotswolds: But why?
Mark: I don't know, mother. It didn't make any sense at all.
Mr. Cotswolds: Well, you see? This is what happens at public schools!
Mark: But I want to go back tomorrow, papá.
Mrs. Cotswolds: What??
Mark: Please, just give me one more day. [walks off]
Mrs. Cotswolds: What do we do?
Mr. Cotswolds: Well, if we're goin' to let him go back, it looks like I need to have a little talk with those other boys' fathers. [snort, snort. He seems to have a little problem with phlegm in the nose]
[The Cotswolds house, night. A girl's bedroom is shown. Rebecca is at her desk writing.]
A voice: [with guitar]
Everywhre I go, I'm thinking of you, Rebecca.
[she stops writing and looks to the window]
I don't know what to do, Rebecca.
[she hops off the chair, walks over to her toy box and hops onto it]
You're so nice, I'd like to get to know you better.
[she looks out the window. It is Kyle she sees]
So what do you say we get together?
You really are quite good-looking, Rebecca!
You really are quite good-looking, Rebecca!
Rebecca, you're really quite good-looking!
You're a fox.
[she looks a bit more, then moves away from the window. Kyle waits, then brightens as she returns. She drops some money down to him, and it lands in the guitar case. She moves away again, and he looks at the money]
[The town bar. Jimbo, Ned, Randy, and Gerald sit at the bar sipping some beers. As Mr. Cotswolds enters, the camera pulls back to reveal Stuart McCormick, Richard Tweek, and Craig's father at the bar with the others]
Mr. Cotswolds: Good evening, gentlemen. If I can have your attention for a few moments. [the other men turn to face him] My son Mark was b*at up in school today by your sons. I think it would be appropriate for you to talk with your sons, and instruct them to no longer tease or bother my boy. [sniff]
Randy: Uh, look, Mr.…
Mr. Cotswolds: Cotswolds.
Randy: Mr. Cotswolds, we can't completely control what our kids do socially. That's…, you know, that's for them to figure out on their own.
Mr. Cotswolds: Well, obviously, they need to be coached a little better. [the men get mad. He coughs, then points to Gerald] And furthermore, your son has been harassing my little girl! I would like you to tell him to stop.
Gerald: Hey, my son is just discovering love. Maybe your daughter is, too. They-uh, they need to know about that stuff.
Mr. Cotswolds: Uh, hello-o? My girl is eight years old! What does she need to know about love?
Randy: Well, something. I mean, you can't just wait until she's a teenager and expect her to figure out everything all at once.
Mr. Cotswolds: I will not tell you how to raise your children, and you will not tell me how to raise mine!
Jimbo: Eh, you wanna beer or something, Cotswolds?
Mr. Cotswolds: No, I don't drink beer. I just like wine coolers.
Jimbo: You what??
[The town bar, later. The men head out the door.]
Jimbo: See ya, Cotswolds. [Randy looks and grins] Thanks for stopping by.
Gerald: Yeah. See ya. [the camera pans down to show Mr. Cotswolds duct-taped to a bench]
[South Park Elementary, the cafeteria, next day. Lunchtime. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are at table]
Kyle: …I can't even get her to understand. It's like she's from another planet.
Mark: [walks up] Can I sit here with you?
Stan: [tsk] Aw, man, if you have to.
Principal Victoria: [over the P.A.] Attention, students. Don't forget that this Friday night is the South Park Elementary Bay Of Pigs Memorial Dance. We will have a very special band performing, so please come early.
Kyle: Hey! That's it! That dance! I can ask Rebecca to go to the dance!
Stan: Dude, what happened to you? You're a total wuss now. [laughs]
Kenny: (Heheh, yeah. You're a f*g, dude. f*ck, yeah. Hehe-eheh.)
Mark: Why do you call Kyle names and laugh at him? Is he not your friend?
Stan: Yeah, dude, but guys just do that. We rip on each other and stuff.
Mark: I see. It's like, you have to mark your territory as a boy. You have to socially find your place.
Kyle: What??
Craig: [leading a group of boys, walks up] Enjoying your lunch, nerdo?
Mark: [confidently] Ah! Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.
Stan: Ah, dude, you don't say that.
Mark: Huh?
Craig: Get him! [the group grabs him and duct-tapes him to an adjacent bench, then walks away.]
Kyle: Boy, that kid's having a hard time adjusting to public school.
Stan: Yeah. I wonder how Cartman is doing with his home-schooling.
[The Cartman house, afternoon. Cartman is in bed with a bag of chips.]
Cartman: [sighing drowsily] Eeehhh.
Announcer: Welcome to Huntin' and Killin' with Jimbo and Ned.
Cartman: Eehh, shut up. [stretches] Ooohhh, yeasss.
Liane: [opens the door] Hon, are you ready for some math problems?
Cartman: Eh, not right this second, mother. Put them there by the door.
Liane: Oh, all right. [sets them on the nightstand]
Cartman: Mom?
Liane: Yes?
Cartman: Could you turn up the heat just a little?
Liane: Sure, hon. [turns it up and walks out]
Cartman: Egghhh. Dude, home-schooling rules. [turns to his right side] Yeeehhhhhhss! [goes to sleep.]
[The Cotswolds house, afternoon. Kyle approaches the front door and rings the bell. Rebecca answers and immediately puts her hands together]
Rebecca: Oh, hel-lo.
Kyle: Hoh! Uh, Rebecca. There's this dance, see, at the school, and um,
Rebecca: He-ey, would you like to come up to my room?
Kyle: Huh?
Rebecca: Woowould you like to come up to my room?
Kyle: Uuuh, okay. [she yanks him in] Gah!
[The Cotswolds house, the living room. Mark is talking with his parents]
Mr. Cotswolds: I'm sorry, son. There's nothing we can do to stop those bullies. We have to pull you out of public school.
Mark: Oh, papá. Can I at least go to the dance tomorrow?
Mr. Cotswolds: Well alright, you can go, but I'll be there to supervise.
Mark: Alright. [starts to shuffle away]
Mr. Cotswolds: Mark, where's your sister?
Mark: She's upstairs playing Doctor with that Kyle boy.
Mr. Cotswolds: Oh, alright.
Both parents: What?! [they dash to her room]
Mrs. Cotswolds: Rebecca! Aaah! Aaaaah! Noo-hooo!
Mr. Cotswolds: Rebecca, don't play that perverted game! [reaches the door and opens it. Before them is Kyle on his back on a low table covered by a blanket. Rebecca, in scrubs, stands on a chair cutting away at Kyle's hat. Both look at her parents]
Rebecca: I have to extricate a rr-region in his cerebral cortex, or risk ih-nfection to the synaptic responses.
Mr. Cotswolds: Ah. Alright. Rebecca. But it's time to start your home-schooling! [snorts twice and leaves with his wife]
Kyle: Rebecca, there's this dance, see, the South Park Elementary Bay Of Pigs Memorial Dance, and uh, now I was wondering, ih-ih-ih if you wanna go.
Rebecca: [voice quivering] Hhm. Alright, I guess I'll go.
Kyle: You will?
Rebecca: [voice quivering] I guess. Are you gonna go? Maybe I'll see you there.
Kyle: No no. I mean, go with me.
Rebecca: Oh, I'm sure Father will give me a ride. [walks off to her home-schooling. Kyle gets mad and bangs his head against her chair]
[The Cartman house, his bedroom. He still looks sleepy.]
Cartman: Ahhhhhhhhh. ["Jesus and Pals" is heard in the background] Ahhhhhhhhh-ahhhh. Tired, tired.
Liane: [opens the door] Eric, I got you a new history textbook. Why don't you come downstairs.
Cartman: Wwaargh. Not right now, Mom. [sighs]
Liane: Eric, please. We have to do some studying today.
Cartman: I am studying, Mom. I'm learning with the Fonics Monkey. [she looks over and sees the Fonics Monkey tossing a box of Snacky S'mores around. She withdraws and Cartman yawns again. Stan and Kenny enter]
Stan: Hey, fatass, how's home-schooling going?
Cartman: [sleepily] Oh, it's soo sweet, you guys.
Stan: Well, get your ass out of bed! [Kenny walks off] We have to go deal with that home-school kid!
Cartman: Huh, I can't. I'm too tired. [moves to sleep again] Maybe tomorrow.
Kenny: [to the monkey] (Hey, can I have that?) [reaches for a Snacky S'more in the monkey's hand, but the monkey tosses it away] (Heey.)
Stan: But the big dance is tomorrow and all the guys are gonna duct-tape him to a flagpole.
Cartman: [sleepily] That sounds cool. Maybe I'll go to that.
Kenny: [smacked against a nightstand by the monkey] (Hey!) [the monkey starts tossing him around like a box] (Hey, Cartman, help me.)
Cartman: Stop it, Fonics Monkey! [the monkey throws Kenny up against the ceiling and stomps on him] I'm warning you! Stop that, Fonics Monkey! [the monkey smashes Kenny against the foot of Cartman's bed several times, then stomps on him until he no longer responds]
Stan: Oh my God, Fonics Monkey k*lled Kenny!
Cartman: You're damn straight, he did.
[The Cotswolds house, later that afternoon. Kyle is in the backyard waiting for Rebecca. She comes out and closes the sliding door.]
Kyle: You got my note?
Rebecca: [voice quivering] Uh of course. You taped it to my dog; how could I not see it?
Kyle: Uh, can we sit down?
Rebecca: Wha-y noh-ot? [leads him onto a nice path next to a lovely flowerbed with all sorts of flora] Isn't Papa's garden beautiful? He works so hard on it. [picks a flower]
Kyle: Rebecca, don't you ever… look at the town? At that… [draws close] flicker of light over there?
Rebecca: I… [looks down and away, pulls away a bit] have looked at it.
Kyle: Well, that's a public school. And in it there are children, [draws close] just like us.
Rebecca: How can children go to school on a f-licker of light?
Kyle: From public school, your house is just a flicker of light. [they walk over to a stone bench and sit] Don't you want to go out? All you do is… stay in your house and… study
Rebecca: Well, what else would one do?
Kyle: Love, for one thing.
Rebecca: And woowhat is love?
Kyle: Love …is the most important thing on… earth. When boys and girls feel …love, they kiss.
Rebecca: Woowhat means "ki-iss"?
Kyle: When a man and a woman feel …love… they put their lips together.
Rebecca: Oh, you mean a-a mate. When it is time to increase the herd, my provider will select one for me.
Kyle: Rebecca, in public school, [hops down] we select our… own mate. [walks off a bit] In public school, men and women get together. Make each other happy.
Rebecca: You certainly come from a silly place. Still, I should like to try that… kiss. [he turns to face her] So I cold write about it. [Kyle walks back and sits on the bench] How do we do it?
Kyle: I'm not completely sure.
Rebecca: Should we… [looks at him] l-look it up?
Kyle: No, I think it's something you have to try a few times. Until you get it… right. [she hums as they get closer and closer. Their lips touch. A quick kiss and they pull apart]
Rebecca: Wow. Wow, that was fun! [grabs him]
Kyle: Dah. [she kisses him back, then lets go] Does that mean you'll go to the dance?
Rebecca: Y-you bet your sweet a-ass I will.
[South Park Elementary, night. The school is lit up for the dance. Seven boys move towards the flagpole: Pip, Stan, Token, Craig, Butter, Fosse, and Bill]
Craig: Alright, here's the plan. Tomorrow night at the dance, when none of the chaperones are looking, you guys go grab Mark. Bring him out here, and then we're gonna duct-tape him to this flagpole.
Stan: Are you sure? He can be out here all night on the flagpole.
Craig: That's the point, buttpipe.
Stan: Don't call me a buttpipe, buttpipe!
Butters: Wewell, come on. We gotta buy us some more duct tape.
Boys: Hooray! [they walk away]
Bill: Hooray. [catches up to the others]
Gerald: [arrives with a group of men] Alright, here's the plan. All we gotta do is volunteer to chaperone the dance tomorrow. [Randy, Jimbo, Ned, and Stuart are also present]
Randy: Uhwhy do we want to all chaperone the dance?
Jimbo: Because Cotswolds is gonna to live there. And when he shows up, we all grab him, bring him out here, and duct-tape him to the flagpole!
Gerald: The flagpole! That's great! [Mr. Tweek and Craig's father are now present]
Jimbo: Come on! We gotta buy more duct tape.
Men: [walk away] Alright!
[South Park Elementary, night. It's Friday and the kids are gathering in the gym for the dance. Mark is already in the crowd, but the time is not yet. There isn't much to dance to, but kids dance anyway. Wendy and Bebe hop back and forth. Tweek dances as well. Pip is dancing in the background. Jordan and Clyde, Token and the redhead, Kevin, Terrence and Fosse, and the tattered kid stand around.]
Stan: [sees Kyle enter and walks to him] Dude, we're gonna go duct-tape that Mark kid to the bleachers. You wanna help? [with him are Craig, Butters, and Cartman.]
Kyle: [with a bouquet of flowers] I can't. I have to wait for Rebecca to show up.
Stan: Oh, brother! [shows his displeasure to the others]
Kyle: Don't you "Oh, brother" me! She's the woman of my dreams!
Stan: You suck now, Kyle! [walks away with the other boys]
Kyle: You suck!
Principal Victoria: [on stage] Boys and girls, can I have your attention, please? This year we have a very special guest performing the South Park Elementary Bay Of Pigs Memorial Dance. He was a musical force in the '70's and '80's. Please welcome Ronnie James Dio! [walks off as the curtains part. Dio appears with his band. The kids look back and say nothing]
Dio: Are you ready to rock, boys and girls?! [silence] I said, are you ready to rock?!
Butters: Uh, uuh, sure uh, I guess.
Dio: Then let's h*t it! [the band begins to play] I know you all remember this one. It's off my first solo album. The song that you all helped me make number 1.
Holy Diver, you've been down too long in the midnight sea.
Oh, what's-
Craig: ["-becoming of me?"] Hey, there he is! There's the home-schooled kid! [Mark enters and stands next to Kyle] Come on! Let's go duct-tape him to the flagpole! ["Ride the tiger."]
Butters: Hey, isn't that the home-schooled kid's sister? ["You can see his stripes but you know he's clean."]
Rebecca: [dressed as a slut] Hi, guys. ["Oh, don't you see what I mean?" She walks up to Butters, kisses him, and walks away]
Butters: Woo-oh Holy Cow! [Kyle and Mark are quie surprised. "Gotta get away."]
Rebecca: [walks over to Token] He-ey, baby. Come s-see me later, 'kay? [grabs his ass and walks off]
Token: What the-? Damn, baby. [rubs his ass. The redhead looks angrily at Rebecca. Kyle is shocked, and Mark has left]
Rebecca: [walks over to Kyle] Hey, Kyle. Wanna go make out?
Kyle: Rebecca. You…
Mark: [returns] Rebecca, what the devil are you doing? [Pip walks by]
Rebecca: I'm… having… fun, Mark. [reels Pip back and kisses him]
Pip: Oh, my goodness! [hurries off]
Mark: You're out of control. [turns to Kyle] You did this to my sister!
Kyle: Uh. All I did was show her how to-
Mark: You made my sister into a slut! I'll k*ll you! [leaps at him and slaps him around. The kids gather around to watch the fight, and Dio plays on. Mark throws Kyle into the air]
Kyle: [landing on his back] Aaaah!
Mark: [pounces on again] You dip! I'm gonna whip your bitch ass! [slaps him around some more]
Kyle: Ooww!
Craig: Oh my God!
Stan: Dude, he's kicking the crap out of Kyle!
Butters: Yeah. He's a badass! [smiles]
Randy: [entering] Alright, alright, that's enough, boys. [takes Kyle with him]
Mark: …I'm not through with you, bitch! [Stan walks up]
Stan: Hey, you're pretty cool, Mark. [Butters walks up]
Butters: Yeah, tha-that was real badass how you stood up for your sister. Uh-uh-I'd have kicked Kyle's bitch ass, too.
Stan: Do you wanna go have some cake with me, Mark? [Craig walks up]
Craig: [grabbing Mark's right hand] No! He's my friend!
Butters: [grabbing Mark's left hand] Eh, he said he'd hang out with me! [Mark smiles, pleased that these guys would fight for his friendship]
Mr. Cotswolds: [enters another door with his wife] They've got to be here somewhere.
Jimbo: Hey, there's Cotswolds. Come on! Let's duct-tape him to the flagpole!
Men: Yeah! [move forward. Mr. Cotswolds goes to some outlet and unplugs the sound system. Dio stops playing]
Mr. Cotswolds: Where are my children?! I'm taking them out of this God-forsaken place!
Mark: [onstage, takes the mic from Dio] Calm down, papá! [Papá looks at Mom] Everything is all right. [the kids look at him] You see, I've learned something today. Public schools may be a bit lacking in education, but it's the main place where children learn all of their social skills. You can't teach a child social skills. They have to learn them themselves. And the only place to do that is on the playground, in the cafeteria, and so on. [his parents listen] Don't you see, papá? That's what happened to your daughter. You tried so hard to keep her from anythng sexual, and now look at her. She's a God-damned whore, papá. [Rebecca is listening]
Butters: Well, she sure is.
Mark: I know letting your kids out into the world is scary. I know you wish nothing bad would ever happen to us. But bad things will happen, and we have to start learning now how to deal with those things. [Stan and Kyle look at each other. The men listen]
Mr. Cotswolds: Mark. You're absolutely right. [Mark grins. His mom grins as well] Okay, childdren. If it's what you want, you can start going to public school.
Kids: Alright! [Rebecca goes up to Kyle and kisses him]
Stan: [goes onstage] Nice speech, nerdo.
Mark: Thanks, gaywad. [Cartman joins them]
Cartman: Now you're gettin' it.
Jimbo: Well, come on, guys. If I'm not mistaken, we still have someone to duct-tape to the flagpole!
Men: Hooray!
Mr. Cotswolds: What?! [the men hoist him up and carry him out the doors]
Mark: See ya, papá! [Dio takes the mic back]
Dio: Well, I'm glad we all learned something today, kids. Now, let's dance! [resmes with "Holy Diver." The Fonics Monkey is drumming with the band. Mr. Cotswolds is now duct-taped to the flagpole]
[End of Hooked On Monkey Fonics
Holy Diver, you've been down too long in the midnight sea.
Oh, what's becoming of me?
Ride the tiger. You can see his stripes but you know he's clean.
Oh, don't you see what I mean?
Gotta get away, Holy Diver.] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x12 - Hooked On Money Fonics"} | foreverdreaming |
[Space. A small ship makes its way towards earth. An alien flies the ship. It has a big brain, and its head is covered with veins that stick out.]
Marklar: Marklar, this is Marklar. Approaching Marklar.
Marklar dispatcher: Proceed with marklar and make first contact.
Marklar: Marklar. [the Marklar ship descends to Earth and hovers over a desert. It lands, and the Marklar pilot steps out. It walks forward] Greetings, Marklar, I am Marklar. [Two lions and a lioness look at him hungrily.] I come in marklar. [the lions move towards him] Oh, marklar. [the lions jump him and rips him to shreds] AAAAAAAAAA! [the lions run away carrying chunks of the Marklar in their mouths]
[Fade to next day, the Ethiopian desert under the hot sun. The Ethiopians laze about in front of their huts, having nothing to do. The camera pans past the hut to a small white church with a simple cross and a white picket fence.]
Woman: Hello, everyone. I am Sister Hollis. I was chosen for my mission work to come here to Africa and teach you all about the teachings of Jesus. [a group of Ethiopians sit cross-legged, with their Bibles in front of them on white benches. This is her Bible class. Above them, two ceiling fans spin, clanking a little] Okay then, do we have our Bibles that were handed out freely? [an Ethiopian attempts to eat one, but Hollis interrupts] No no no, we don't eat the Bibles, we read them. [returns to the front] Now, let's turn to Mark 3:19. [the class does not respond] Come on, remember [pulls down a chart]: reading Bible plus accepting Jesus equals food. [the students study the chart, then open their Bibles] Good. Now, who can read Mark 3:19? How about… Marvin? [glissant as the camera switches to Marvin reading. He lowers his Bible]
Marvin: Doundobi godia dyum * *
Hollis: No, Marvin, in God's language. English.
Marvin: Dongdin * * mium bidu [closes his Bible, leaves it, and heads towards the door]
Hollis: Where are you going? Back to your life of sin? Don't you understand that unless you find Christ, you and all your people are doomed to eternal hellfire? [Marvin just opens the door, walks out, and heads towards the desert. He passes his people, who can do nothing but moan]
Ethiopians: Ooooohhh. [some of them cough. Marvin shows surprise as he sees a group of eight people on a hill looking down at a column of smoke. He moves up to them]
Marvin: Duo bet tum debettum * * ghm * *? [the camera goes over the group to reveal the Marklar's ship. Marvin stares in awe] Mah tah guum tyum * * ghm tm tm. [moves towards it. The chief says something, but Marvin continues to the ship. He touches it, and it opens up for him, the sand washing off its surface. The group on the hill screams with joy. Some of the group runs away]
Ethiopian: Necah * * necundat? [Marvin opens the cockpit and hops in]
Chief: Nn * * de co?
Marvin: Umi chu. [presses a button to activate a map display. The cockpit closes and the ship lifts off]
Ethiopian Woman: Wobe dabiga gm * *.
Marvin: Gobede *. [preses a button and the ship lurches up. He takes off and comes back, sweeping over the villagers' heads. He takes off into space, into the distance, and then returns. The episode title follows close behind]
Starvin
Marvin] In
Space!]
[In Star Wars fashion, the camera moves from space down and right to a sunny day in South Park. The camera settles on South Park Elementary as the bell rings. Class is now in session]
Mr. Garrison: …And so, children, that's why Hare Krishnas are totally gay. [the door opens and two agents enter. They start looking under tables and lifting desks, then lower the blinds…] Uh, can I help you?
Agent 1: Yes. I'm Connelly, and this is Sphinx. We're with the CIA.
Sphinx: We're here to speak with some of your students. [turns to them] You [Cartman], you [Kyle], you [Kenny], and you [Stan].
Mr. Garrison: Oh, for Pete's sake, what have you bastards done now?!
Cartman: Hey! That was Kyle that went #2 in the urinal!
Kyle: No it wasn't, fatass! I saw you do it!
Connelly: Boys, we need to talk to you about a matter of national security. Now!
Kenny: (Huh?) [Connelly takes Cartman and Kyle, Sphinx takes Kenny and Stan. They then carry the boys out the door. Sphinx reaches back to close it]
Mr. Garrison: I hope you give them the chair! [turns back to the chalkboard] Anyway, children, as I was saying, Hare Krishnas are totally gay. [writes "Hare Krishnas" on the board.]
[A military complex. The boys are seated inside a hangar, with a lamp shining on them.]
Cartman: Oh, dude, this is not cool!
Kyle: Relax, fatass.
Cartman: No. Dude, I've seen this on TV. They shine that light in your face, and then they try to get you to tell them stuff by squeezing your balls really hard.
Stan: What??
Cartman: Dude, I've seen it! They grab your balls with their leather-gloved hands and they squeeze 'em as hard as they can until they pop like little grapes!
Stan, Kyle: Ow, dude! [the hangar doors open and the two agents enter]
Cartman: [pointing] Start with Kenny! Start with Kenny! [Kenny looks at him]
Sphinx: Relax, boys. We just need to talk with you.
Stan: * I told you, fatass.
Connelly: Approximately 31 hours ago, an ethnic-looking child was spotted flying some kind of state-of-the-art space craft over Chinese air space.
Cartman: Whoa, cool.
Sphinx: Cool? That craft appears to have enough plutonium fuel on board to blow up a large city! Do you think that's cool?!
Cartman: Totally!
Connelly: Alright, children, we just need to know one thing: Do you know this person? [holds up a picture of Marvin]
Cartman: Heeyy, that's Starvin' Marvin.
Stan: Sshh!
Connelly: Who?
Kyle: You dumbass, Cartman! Now they're gonna go squeeze his balls!
Cartman: Oh. We don't know him.
Sphinx: We already know you know him. We have this! [a picture of the boys standing behind Marvin outside King Jimmy's Buffet] Now, who is he?! [Kyle farts, and the boys laugh]
Cartman: Kyle's makin' mudpies; you guys want one? [the agents walk away and talk with each other. The boys laugh for a long time…]
Connelly: This is getting us nowhere. We'll have to resort to more drastic measures.
Sphinx: But they're just kids. We can't t*rture them.
Connelly: Look, we don't know what that craft is capable of, but the kid is going to have to land it somewhere. God only knows what sadistic backwards Third-World country could get their hands on that ship!
[Australia. The ship heads towards it, with a song playing in the cockpit. Marvin is emjoying his flight, but the screen tells him to debark]
Singer: Soaring so high above the world,
Never thought I could be so free.
I'm one with the birds, and magic is all I see.
Man 1: [pointing] Oy, look up there! [the ship descends and the engines turn off]
Man 2: It's a UFO! [the windshield rolls back]
Crowd: [start backing up] Oohh?!
Marvin: [appears] Dogom * Dommm * *.
Man 3: Boy, that's one creeepy alien.
Marvin: Gmm * Mmm-mm * *.
Man 4: [prodding] Talk to 'im, Mayor. [the Mayor walks up to Marvin and speaks]
Mayor: Great and noble alien creature. As Mayor of the fine planet of Australia, I welcome you to our fine… planet of Australia. Chippy chip
Crowd: Churrah! [Marvin pulls out pencil and paper and starts drawing…]
Mayor: Look out, he's got a g*n! [shields his face. The others cower]
Man 5: Wait, it's not a g*n. It's a piece of paper.
Mayor: Oh. [the paper has a drawing of Australia and of Marvin's people. Marvin draws an arrow from his people to Australia] Oh, I thingk he's tryin' to tell us that he wants to relocate all his species here to Australia.
Marvin: * * Muogleblabla mb'g * *.
Mayor: Well, you certainly are all welcome 'ere, alien. In fact, there's a mission right over there that will take all your people in. [it looks just like the one he left in Ethiopia. A woman is at the door.]
Woman: Hello-o. [Marvin looks, and the smile leaves his face. He hops back into the craft and takes off]
Mayor: Guess the little pecker doesn't like missionaries.
[The military complex. The children are being tortured, but not physically. They moan and grunt]
Sphinx: Now, I'll ask you again. Who is the little boy that took our ship?
Stan: We don't know. [some scratching is heard]
The Boys: Aaaaaaaa! [Sphinx is scratching at a balloon] Aaaaaaaa!
Connelly: [holds up a picture of Marvin in the spacecraft] Who is this person!
Cartman: [gasping] K-k*ll me.
Connelly: Do it again. [Sphinx scratches the balloon…]
The Boys: Aaaaaaaa!
Cartman: No wait. I'll tell you. [the agents take off their ear mouffs] He's, he's a little starving Ethiopian kid. We adopted him.
Kyle: Cartman!
Sphinx: Adopted from whom?
Cartman: Sally. Sally Struthers. The lady on TV. She knows everything. Sally Struthers.
Connelly: Sally Struthers!
Sphinx: Where can we find her?!
Connelly: I know exactly where Sall Struthers is. Let them go.
Kyle: God job, fatass!
Cartman: Dude, I couldn't take anymore of that balloon. Another couple hours of that, and I would've been totally pissed off.
Stan: [moving past Kyle and Cartman] Whatever. Let's go see what's on TV.
[Ethiopia, the FEED THE CHILDREN FOUNDATION bulding. The agents sit in the lobby reading newspapers]
Receptionist: Gentlemen, Ms. Struthers can see you now. [the men rise and go for the door, but before they enter Connelly stops and closes the door]
Connelly: I'm warning you, Bill. Sally Struthers is a bit heavy. But don't say anything, because she's pretty sensitive.
Sphinx: Oh, I would never say anything. I saw some show where they made fun of Sally Struthers' weight, and I thought it was totally cruel. I mean, she helps people, you know. [they enter. The storage room has been transformed into awfully dark living quarters for her]
Connelly: Ah, Ms. Struthers.
Sally: Oh ho ho ho. [she now has the shape of a Hutt] Un chaka solo david. Saime no Chewbacca dakaiminbi? ho ho. ["Hello gentlemen. How can I help you?"]
Connelly: Ms. Struthers. We understand you have helped raise millions of dollars to help starving children in Ethiopia.
Sally: Oh? Makarendae bi cho. ["I do my best."] Ho ho ho.
Connelly: We need information on one of the Ethiopians. You must tell us everything you know about him. [waves his hand in a Jedi fashion]
Sally: Do ba kim.
Sphinx: Uh, heh-his name is Starving Marvin.
Sally: [begins to sniff around] Jonoba unko chocolate Yum Yum bar ancho? ["Is that a chocolate Yum Yum bar in your pocket?"]
Connelly: Why, yes. It is a chocolate Yum Yum bar, Ms. Struthers [removes it from his coat pocker and waves it around], and there are several more where that came from. [Sally licks her lips. Connelly sees a trash can nearby and opens it, then dangles the bar over it] Of course, if you don't want to tell us about the Ethiopian boy…
Sally: Mmmmo na ka!
Connelly: [closes the trashcan and walks over with the candy bar] I'm… glad we can do business.
[Cartman's house, night. The boys are on the sofa watching TV. Cartman has the remote]
Stan: Come on, dude. There's gotta be somethin' about Starvin' Marvin in the news.
Cartman: Well, I can't find anything- wait. What's this? [a sh*t of Pat Robertson asking for pledges on the CBC channel.]
Pat: Uh, God wants you to send us money. He needs you to send us money so we can help others.
Cartman: Oh, my God, this guy again. ["What we do is- "]
Kyle: Why would anybody send this assh*le money? ["-we go all around the world and-"]
Kenny: (To pay for the pockets on his peehole) [The boys laugh. "-we give Bibles and and, and…"]
Kyle: Yeh-hah. [They hear noise outside, and soon Marvin's ship crashes through the front wall of the house.]
Boys: Whoa! [They rush outside to see the rest of the ship. Cartman goes to see the damage]
Cartman: Oh! Aww! [Part of the second story of the house falls away.] Oh, weak! [Marvin hops down from the ship]
Kyle: Starvin' Marvin!
Marvin: Bongi groinit * *.
Kyle: He did take a ship.
Cartman: Well nice job, Marvin! I hope you got about a thousand dollars to pay for my house!
Marvin: Ingan *.
Stan: Dude, you're gonna get busted for taking this thing.
Marvin: Chede gwodum * * godom.
Kyle: I think he wants us to get in.
Stan: Kick ass! [Marvin returns to the pilot's seat; the others hop in and stand around him.] Wow, this thing is awesome!
Kyle: Let's go somewhere. [Marvin pulls the ship out of Cartman's house and flies low over the ground]
Singer: Soaring so high above the world,
Never thought I could be so free.
Stan: [the ship goes higher, over other cities] Wow!
Kyle: Yes!
Singer: I'm one with the birds, and magic is all I see.
Stan: This is great!
Cartman: Yeah, but where's that crappy song coming from? Could you turn that off? ["And it's a wonderful day 'cause something-"]
Marvin: [turnsn off the music] Gmmm?
Stan: Yeah, that's better.
[Ethiopia, day. A man tries to rise, but doesn't have the energy to do it]
Man: Oooh. [falls back on his pillow. Sister Hollis comes up]
Hollis: Hello? Howare we doing today? Look what I got for you.
Man: [quickly rising] Nn * wohg *?
Hollis: No, it's not food. It's a cross. [hands it to him] And it has your Christian name printed on it. From now on, you are Michael. Can you say "Michael"? [the man clicks and holds up the cross] Mmmi-chael. [the man clicks again] Oh, well. You'll get it. [walks away and heads over to a family of four] Hello, brother David. Do you have any sins to confess? [David does not respond, but a fly lands on his eye] Anybody? Sins to confess? Joshua? [he just looks up at her] You know, today I'm reminded of Psalm 46, line 39: "Though the mountains shake and th-" [the CIA agents walk up]
Connelly: Here they are!
Hollis: Who are you?
Connelly: We're with the American government! Sally Struthers told us where we'd find Marvin's parents!
Sphinx: Hello there, Mr. amd Mrs. Clickclickderk. I think you know why we're here. [the family stares in horror]
[The Marklar ship, night. The boys are flying over a desert]
Kyle: No, dude, you don't wanna bring your people to Mexico, there's missionaries there, too.
Marvin: Blubedegub? [points to Utah on the map]
Cartman: No way, not Utah. Utah's nothin' but missionaries.
Stan: Dude, it looks like he's tried everywhere in the world. [the world map is shown]
Cartman: Well, he hasn't been here yet. Where's this? [presses a big red button on the left side of the display panel. The ship bucks and heads into space.]
Boys: Whooaaa! [the ship rolls sideways for a moment]
Stan: What the hell did you h*t, Cartman?! [a wormhole appears before them, and they head for it]
Kyle: Oh, my God! What the hell is that thing?! [the ship races into the wormhole]
Boys: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! [everything inside the ship begins to twist and warp] Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! [more twisting and warping, and the ship races out of the wormhole into a star system with a green planet. Everything inside the ship is normal again]
Kyle: [gasps] Where are we?
Marvin: Gobin gobedo * * gowog. [the ship heads down into the atmosphere and then towards an island]
Stan: We're on like, some foreign planet.
Kyle: This place is rad. Look at all the trees and stuff.
Marvin: Gewhit * * Gewit um hebed wabaduh. Gabalah. [the ship descends to a plain next to a waterfall, and lands]
[Planet Marklar, day. The ship's windshield rolls back. The boys climb down and look around]
Marvin: Badak bladla buk.
Marklar Leader: Greetings. Welcome to Marklar.
Stan: Uh, thanks.
Marklar Leader: I am Marklar, leader of the Marklar.
Stan: U-uh, cool. My name is Stan, and a-uh, I'm the leader of Earth.
Marklar Leader: [bows] Marklar to you.
Stan: Cool!
Cartman: Ey! I'm the leader of Earth!
Stan Screw you, Cartman! I called leader first!
Cartman: Well, you can call leader 'til your ass bleeds, but that doesn't make it true! [the Marklar leader looks a bit confused. Marvin steps forward and smiles. The land around the group is green and lush, water is plentiful…]
Marklar Leader: We are very thankful to you for bringing our marklar back to us.
Kyle: [joins Marvin] Wait. I thought you called your planet Marklar.
Marklar Leader: Oh, here on Marklar, we refer to all people, places, and things as marklar.
Kyle: Well, our friend Marvin and all his people have to live on a part of Earth that sucks ass. They can't grow food or nothin'.
Stan: [Cartman looks in pleasant wonder] Yeah, so it would be really cool if you would let Marvin and all his people come live here.
Marklar Leader: Well, there is a lot of room on Marklar. If Marklar here wants to bring his marklar to Marklar, that would be fine. Just take our marklar back to Marklar and bring all the marklar back with you.
Stan: Uuh. Thanks.
Marvin: * *.
[Ethiopia, day. The agents are still drilling Marvin's family]
Connelly: Let's go through this one more time, Mr. amd Mrs. Clickclickderk! Your son Marvin has the ship that we want! How can we get it from him? [the family sits still]
Sphinx: [switching places with Connelly] We are the CIA. That ship needs to be with us! Maybe we should just take something precious of yours, huh?! [lifts his shades and scans the area] Daha! [picks up a gourd and dangles it] This! This gourd-thingy, for instance. How do you like that, huh? If you ever wanna see this… little… thingy again, I suggest you contact your boy! [the family just looks at him. At that moment, the Marklar ship zooms over the little village, and the villagers raise a ruckus over Marvin's return. The ship stops and descends, engines roaring]
Sphinx: There it is! [Hollis covers her ears. The ship lands and everyone moves towards it. The windshield rolls back and the boys scramble down from the ship]
Marvin: Muwuhbuh * * mlamleblubluh mjek.
Connelly: Back away from the space craft, children!
Stan: Nno. No, it's okay. The ship took us to another planet. A beautiful, lush place called Marklar.
Kyle: Yeah. And the leader, he said that all the Ethiopians can go live there. [the Ethiopians all begin to speak]
Hollis: Alien race? Have they… heard the word of Christ?
Cartman: No, never. It's perfect.
Hollis: Ooh, no. Those poor souls. We must spread the Gospel to them. [hurries away]
Stan: What??
Marvin: *. [walks to Hollis] Mluglu dja mugm blugabeb * * *.
Kyle: Come on, Marvin! We've gotta get your people to Marklar before the missionaries do!
Connelly: You'll do nothing of the kind! This ship is now property of the United States Government!
PROPERTY OF
U.S. GOVT.
THANK YOU
Kyle: No! [agents rush in from all sides and some black helicopters appar over the space ship. Two FBI agents come and stand behind the boys.]
Marvin: [tugs at Hollis' dress] Dor dor binor hm ghm.
Sphinx: Call those boys' mothers. [Connelly starts dialing] I'm sure they'll be very interested in the trouble their boys have been up to.
Kyle: Oh, no, dude!
[CBC television studios. The CBC logo, a pair of angel wings topped by a halo, and CBC printed in front of them, fills the screen. Next comes "Christian Broadcasting Channel"]
Pat: ["TO PLEDGE CALL: 1-800-555-2717"] You know, Susan, theh uhthere are so many great missionaries doing work, out there in in inin parts of Africa, and and uh we're trying to get Bibles to people all over the world. And what we need, is the help of everyone out there so that we can continue these, these projects. Now, listen to this, Susan. [a picture of Hollis with two Ethiopians appears over his right shoulder] Wha-one of our missionaries in North Africa has made an amazing discovery. U-u-uh a new planet, in the in the galaxy Alpha Seti VI, that has intelligent life on it.
Susan: Amazing.
Pat: Yeah. We're not sure what these hyper-intelligent beings look like, but one thing is for sure: they've never heard of Jesus Christ.
Susan: What can we do at the 600 Club to help those poor aliens?
Pat: Well, what we need, Susan, is we need money to build an interstallar cruiser. [a diagram of said cruiser appears over his shoulder: the XT-9000] Now, this space ship will be able to travel through a wormhole and deliver the message and guh-glory of Jesus Christ to those godless aliens. S-send your money now. Amen.
[Ethiopia. The agents are still investigating…]
Connelly: I want everyone to keep a safe distance from the craft until we can run some tests.
FBI Agent: [walks up] E-excuse me, gentlemen, uh Tom Brokaw is here to see you.
Sphinx: Tom Brokaw? Oh no, the press already? [the CIA agents walk over]
"Brokaw": [sounds like Cartman] Oh. Good day, gentlemen. [the yellow headband and the shape of the pant legs look familiar…]
Sphinx: Uh huh. [FBI agents gather behind him and Connelly] Mr. Brokaw, I presume.
"Brokaw": You presume wisely, sir. I'm here to get the big story, the big scoop. [Marvin tip-toes to the ship unnoticed] I understand that you've found some kind of ship from an alien race. [Marvin opens the cargo door and signals for his people to enter the ship. They start doing so] Seeing as though I am Pulitzer-prize-winning Tom Brokaw…
Connelly: Look, kid. Did you really think this was going to fool anybody? You don't look anything like Tom Brokaw.
"Brokaw": What?! Do you question my integritah?!
Kyle: [from the pants] I told you Tom Brokaw doesn't have a mustache, fatass!
"Brokaw": Buh-eh, ugh. I had some bad burritos today.
Marvin: * * wughum chughum * *, * *.
Connelly: [he and Sphinx remove the men's clothes from the boys] Alright boys. Time to get back to your quarters.
Stan: Oh. [the cargo door closes and Marvin is ready to take off]
Connelly: Son of a bitch!
Stan: Run for it!
Connelly: Get 'em! [two FBI agents move]
Cartman: Wah-ey. Come on you guys, wait!
Kyle: Watch out! Here I come!
Kenny: (Hey, you guys, I'm a little bit be-) [trips over a rock and lands on his face] (Oof.)
Kyle: Kenny!
Cartman: Forget him! He's done for! [Stan climbs up and looks back]
Stan: He's not done for, he's standing right there.
Kenny: (You guys, just fly away!)
Cartman: No, no, he's done for. Come on! [the windshield rools down and the ship takes off. It zooms into the distance, then straight up into space. The helicopters could not catch up]
Sphinx: [holding Kenny] Nooo!
Connelly: Damnit, damnit, damnit!
[The Marklar ship, space. The ship speeds away from Earth.]
Stan: Alright, we made it!
Kyle: Okay, Marvin. Time to take your people to their new home!
Marvin: Gakchak ghm. [a blast is felt inside. Its impact site is near the cockpit]
Kyle: What was that? [the CBC's XT-9000 appears behind them. Inside, Sister Hollis is manning the bridge, with another woman and four men.]
Hollis: This is the Missionary 600. We have you locked on "f*re: ready." Turn back right now. [another sh*t is fired, and the Marklar ship is h*t again.]
Boys: Aaaa!
Ethiopians: [tossed to one side of the cargo bay] Whoa!
Stan: They're sh**ting at us.
Kyle: Quick, Marvin. Get us to Marklar.
Marvin: [tries all the buttons, including the red one, but to no avail] Midik, gmanjaum * *.
Kyle: Well, how'd we do it last time??
Stan: Cartman just h*t the button, and the ship flew itself.
Kyle: Which button did you press, Cartman??
Cartman: U-u-huh. I don't remember.
Kyle: You don't remember?!
Stan: You dumbass, Cartman!
Cartman: Hey, I was under duress! Maybe it waaas this one. [presses the big red button]
Singer: Soaring so high above the world.
The Boys: Aawwww!
Singer: Never-
[The Missionaary 600, still pursuing the Marklar ship]
Hollis: The ship seems to be made out of a… super-strong alloy. These lasers aren't powerful enough.
[The 600 Club, Pat Robertson reporting]
Pat: Everyone, the the Word of God is going around the world and and all your help is so greatly appreciated. Eh-oo What we need now is an argon crystal laser. [the 900txl] Eh you see, an argon crystal laser can pierce thick space holes in a way that other lasers just can't. Send your money now. Uuh-I th-thank you.
[Ethiopia, day. Feed The Chdilren Foundation. The agents are talking to Sally Struthers]
Sally: [eating her way through a box of food relief] Onadonakami?
Connelly: Ms. Struthers, we understand that you have a ship of your own. One capable of interstellar travel.
Sally: Chewmbacca vije dai gwo. ["Maybe I do, and maybe I don't."]
Sphinx: We need to use your ship to catch those boys. We will do anything for that technology.
Sally: Juodo nakahobi? Ho ho ho ho. ["Why should I help you?"]
Sphinx: Ms. Struthers, if those Ethiopians make it to another planet, who will send money to your foundation? Without Ethiopians, you have no food.
Sally: Wo? Wo chaka gom??
Connelly: Oh, that won't be a problem, Ms. Struthers. We have… collateral. [steps aside and brings Kenny in]
Kenny: (Oh my God, I get it.)
Sally: Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho. [a small creature pops out and laughs]
[The Missionaary 600, still pursuing the Marklar ship]
Hollis: I have the infidels in my sight. [the Marklar ship tries evasive maneuvers, but it is h*t again.]
Cartman: Holy shit!
Ethiopians: [tossed to the other side of the cargo bay] Whoa!
Marvin: Doye dondabuh. [swings the ship around and fires two blasts at the Missionary 600]
Crew: Aaah.
Hollis: Holy crap, they have photon torpedoes.
[The 600 Club, Pat Robertson reporting]
Pat: Uhnow, our deflector shields are useless against phorton torpedoes, and we really need your support on this one, folks. Here at the 600 Club we need your money to spread the Word of Jesus, and build more advanced deflector shields for our galactic cruiser. Call now, and we'll give you this free pin. [a CBC logo pin]
[Space. The Missionaary 600 and the Marklar ship now do battle. Marvin fires at the Missionaary 600 twice more.]
600 Crew: Aaah.
Stan: You got 'em, Marvin.
Kyle: Yeah, now finish 'em off! [a huge junker comes up behind and fires at them]
Computer: [female voice] Warning. Deflector shields failing.
Kyle: Where did that come from??
Sally: Ho ho ho ho. [the CIA agents stand behind her, and two other men are at the helm]
Connelly: Good! Now get them in our tractor beam! [the beam is activated and holds the Marklar ship in place. The Missionary 600 comes around and faces the Marklar ship]
Hollis: Now we've got 'em! [in the Marklar ship, the boys look at the screen…]
Sally: Ho ho ho ho.
Cartman: It's Sally Struthers!
Hollis: Well, it appears they'll be going back to Ethiopia, so we can go on to the aliens.
Kyle: Sorry, Marvin. We tried.
Cartman: Wait. Ms. Struthers? Ms. Struthers!
Sally: Wo?
Cartman: Ms. Struthers, please. Just listen to me for one second. You started the Feed the Children Foundation for wonderful reasons: to help starving, helpless people who live in a rotten part of the world. Well, it's for those reasons we wanna help our friend Marvin now. [Sally looks moved]
Sally: Holna chewbacca? ["Because of me?"]
Sphinx: Ms. Struthers, don't forget the gift we gave you: the child in carbonite. [points. The camera pans over to a panel which shows Kenny encased in carbonite]
Sally: Dama doko nou na oh. ["Let him speak."]
Cartman: Ms. Struthers. You helped so many people, and you've taught us that helping people is what life is all about. All we wanna do is… be like you. [Sally considers Cartman's statements for a moment, then…]
Sally: Oh, foada! ["You're right!" She presses a button, and the tractor beam switches off the Marklar ship and on the Missionary 600]
600 Crew: [the bridge jerks a bit] Whoa! [the beam pulls the Missionary 600 closer to the junker.]
Cartman: She bought it.
Stan: Sally Struthers is saving us!
[The 600 Club, Pat Robertson reporting]
Pat: Uh, now, now, stay with me on this one, folks. Uh, Sally Struthers has a Tiberian junker [pictured in a window], which is uh the favorite ship of the Hutts, and she has trapped oureh, our our new CBC ship in a uh [struggling] poe-sitronic tractor beam. [a stage hand holds up this cue card]
POSITRONIC
TRACTOR BEAM
SO WE'RE GONNA
NEED AN IONIC
TRACTOR
DISRUPTOR
Uh, so we're gonna need an ionic tractor disruptor. Now now, not a regular ionic di- tractor disruptor, but a negative ionic tractor disruptor to uh, help spread the Word of Jesus. [to Susan, softly] I don't have a f*cking idea up here.
[Space. The junker is busy pulling the Missionary 600 in. The Marklar ship is free to leave]
Stan: Now's our chance!
Cartman: Wait. I remember. It was the red button! [presses it, and the ship zooms away. The wormhole appears again and the ship head for it]
Hollis: They've opened the wormhole!
Kyle: It's pulling us in! [the junker and the Missionary 600 give chase. All three ships enter the wormhole, and all experience its warping effects.]
Boys: Aaaah!
600 Crew: Aaaah! [the ships rush out of the wormhole and into Alpha Seti VI, near the Marklar planet]
[Marklar. The ship land. The Missionary 600 has to lean to one side. All parties are out of their ships]
Kyle: Marvin… [everyone talks at once]
Marklar: Please, please, please. We are confused. You must explain one at a Marklar.
Hollis: Alien friend, we are here to spread the Word of Jesus. He died for your sins.
Marklar: Who? Marklar?
Stan: We brought Marvin and his people to live here, but these buttholes followed us.
Marklar: Brought m- marklar??
Hollis: What is "marklar"?
Marklar: Yyou're marklar; everyone and everything is referred to as marklar.
Sphinx: Doesn't that get confusing?
Marklar: Oh no. Watch this. Hey, Marklar!
Marklar: [in orange robe] Yes?
Marklar: You see?
Kyle: [steps forward] Wait. Wait. I think I can explain this whole thing. Marklar, these marklars want to change your marklar. They don't want Marklar or any of these marklars to live here because it's bad for their marklar. They use Marklar to try and force marklars to believe they're marklar. If you let them stay here, they will build marklars and marklars. They will take all your marklars and replace them with Marklar. These marklar have no good marklar to live on Marklar, so they must come here to Marklar. Please, let these marklars stay where they can grow and prosper without any marklars, marklars, eh or marklars.
Marklar: Young marklar, your marklars are wise and true.
Hollis: What the hell did he say?
Stan: [hushed] Wow! Good job, dude!
Kyle: Thanks.
Marklar: The marklars can stay!
Ethiopians: Wooo!
Boys: Alright!
Cartman: Alright,
Marklar: You marklars must leave.
Hollis: But you will all burn forever in eternal hellfire. [she and the other woman are taken away]
Marklar: Yes, that's nice. Thank you for stopping by.
Stan: Well Marvin, it was sure cool seeing you again.
Marvin: Chak chak glika gm gm guchab mglup.
Kyle: No, we gotta go. Sally Struthers is gonna give us a ride back to Earth.
Sally: Bwo chaaga bi.
Boys: [leaving] Goodbye, Marvin.
Marvin: Chak chak m geteaub m * *.
Stan: Maybe we'll come and visit sometime.
Cartman: Yeah, and maybe Jesse Jackson will be President, heh.
Stan: Dude!
Cartman: What? We're not gonna come visit him.
Stan: I know, but you don't tell him that!
Cartman: T'heh, whatever. [the Ethiopians chatter over their new home and head for the lake at the foot of the waterfall]
DVDA: [End of Starvin' Marvin In Space
I am Chewbacca
I am a Wookie
...
I am Chewbacca
I have no home
My home is where
My spirit goes] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x13 - Starvin' Marvin In Space"} | foreverdreaming |
[The bus stop, morning. The boys are dreassed in Union blue. Stan bears the flag, Kyle and Kenny have fifes, and Cartman carries a drum.]
Stan: Ready? 1-2-3-4. [the boys begin to march forward and play.]
Cartman: Hey, dude. Do you like to rock?! [answers himself] Yes, I like to rock! Helloo, Baltimore!
Kyle: Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
Cartman: I'm playing the drum.
Kyle: Well, you have to h*t it softer!
Cartman: You can't just "h*t" a drum, you have to b*at the shit out of it! [to the drum, hitting it once in a while] Shut you butthole, or I'll kick your ass, you f*ck' drum!! [to Kyle] That's how you rock, dude.
Kyle: You're not supposed to rock, you're supposed to keep the b*at!
Cartman: I ma keepin' the b*at; your flute-playing sucks!
Stan: That's it, Cartman, you can't be the drummer!
Cartman: Ey, I'll get it!
Kyle: Dude, the Civil w*r reenactment is tomorrow! You're not gonna get it by tomorrow!
Cartman: Yes I will!
Stan: Alright alright. Let's just try it again. 1-2-3-4. [again, the march and play. Cartman gets carried away and the others glare at him]
Cartman: Go!!! Does Cleveland like to rock?! Go!!! Yes, damnit!
Kyle: Cartman!!! [Cartman stops]
Cartman: What?
Kyle: Give me the drum, and you play the flute
Cartman: No way! Flutes are totally gay!
Kenny: [inspects his flute] (Oh. Flutes are gay?)
Stan: Cartman, I'm the leader of the Reenactment Fife and Drum Squad, and I say you play the flute!
Cartman: Oh! Well, you know what I say?! [drops his drum and jumps on it] Screw you guys, I'm going home! [walks away, leaving the drum split in two]
Kyle: You dick!
Cartman: Later.
[The South Park Banquet Hall, 8:04 A.M., morning of reenactment. "Welcome Reenacters." People inside chatter away]
Jimbo: Alrighty everyone. We just have a few things to go over before we head out to the reenactment b*ttlefield. [the townsmen are dressed in the Blue and the Grey] First of all, I have great news. There are over 200 folks from around the state that have come to see this year's reenactment, and that's the best turnout ever!
Men: [jump and cheer] Yes! Woohoo, yea!
Stan: Where the hell is Cartman? If he misses the orientation, they're not gonna lethim in the reenactment. [Kyle and Kenny are also present]
Kyle: He'll show.
Stan: He'd better!
Jimbo: I'm also very proud to announce that this year's alcohol sponsor, Jagermin's S'more-flavored Schnapps, the schnapps with the delightful taste of s'mores.
Men: Whoa. Mmm.
Mr. Garrison: Mmm. It does taste like s'mores.
Stuart: [coughs] Hih yeah, and it's got quite a kick, too.
Jimbo: And now, to clarify how the reenctment should unfold, let's bring up our master historian, Grnandpa Marvin Marsh, [Grandpa rolls up in his wheelchair amid applause] the only man old enough to have actually seen the Civil w*r… reenactment of 1924.
Kyle: Wow, dude! Your granpa still isn't d*ad?
Stan: Dude, that's not cool.
Cartman: [arrives dressed in the Grey] Good morning, gentlmen.
Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
Kyle: Teah! You're dressed up like the South.
Cartman: Yes. This year, I've decided to fight for the glorious South. Screw you guys, home. And may I say that we're going to whup your ass this time.
Stan: You can't just come to a Civil w*r reenactment dressed up like General Lee, fatass!
Cartman: Oh, really? I'm pretty sure I just did.
Grandpa: Okay, you all know the rules. You must f*re your blanks into the air, and if someone says they k*lled ya, you gotta play d*ad.
Kyle: The South loses this battle, Cartman. They lose the w*r!
Cartman: Nuh uhn, the South is gonna win.
Kyle: No they're not, stupid!
Cartman: Yes we are!
Kyle: How much do you wanna bet?!
Jimbo: Now remember, everybody: for a good reenactment we've got to pretend down to the last detail that we're really in the Civil w*r. So when the North wins, all of us on the Confederate side should act all bummed and depressed. [continues as the boys speak]
Kyle: Come on, Cartman! How much do you wanna bet the South doesn't win?!
Cartman: Well, this w*r is about sl*very, so how about if the South wins, you two assholes have to be my slaves for a month.
Kyle: And if the North wins you're our sl*ve for a month??
Cartman: Right.
Kyle: You're on!
Cartman: Then I shall bid you good morning, gentlemen, and see you on the b*ttlefield. [walks away]
Stan: Hoohoo what a d'humbass!
Cartman: Yeahah. He doesn't even know that the South loses the Civil w*r.
Stan: It's gonna be rad having Cartman be our sl*ve.
Jimbo: …And with that, let's all go to Tamarack Hill and put on a good show!
Men: [jump and cheer] Yes! Woohoo, yea!
["Tamarack Hill," 9:00 A.M. The Reenactment. Bleachers flank Grandpa on either side as the North and the South face off before him. Each side has set up its camp]
Announcer: Welcome to the South Park reenactment of the Battle of Tamarack Hill. The men in gray are the Confederacy, fron the South [Butters is there]; in blue are the Union, from the North [Chef is there, and Kenny has the drum].
Grandpa: [addressing the spectators] It was a cold morning in 1862. The Union Army had to get the bell of Appmattox down from Tamarack Hill. What ensued was a bloody battle, but after many hours, the Union Army prevailed. Here now is the reenactment of that great battle. [blows the whistle]
Jimbo: [leading the South] Forward! [The South advances]
Randy: [leading the North] Let's bring those Confederate bastards down! [the North advances, the boys play their tune]
Jimbo: f*re! [some g*n go off]
His men: Yeah!
Randy: Alright men, f*re! [some g*n go off]
His men: Yeah! [the battle is joined, and men left and right begin to drop away. Others scream]
Randy: Hey, uh, I sh*t you, Ned. You have to fall down.
Ned: [Jimbo fires a few sh*ts] Ow.
Randy: Yeh-hah! [the battle continues, and even a cow gets into the act]
Man 1: [in the stands] Oh, so this is what it was like. [the battle continues, but now it's hand-to-hand combat. Cartman reaches the bell and starts to push it down the hill]
Man 2: Hey! What's that guy doing?!
Cartman: Yippie! Long live the Confederacy!
Soldiers: [on both sides] Huh? Wha-?
Grandpa: What the hell?
Randy: He took the bell!
Gerald: He can't do that!
Grandpa: The Confederacy doesn't take the bell!
Cartman: [skating by on the bell] Hooray for the South!
Stan: Cartman, you can't do that!
Grandpa: God damnit! Now we have to start over!
[10:24 A.M., reenactment - second attempt.]
Jimbo: Alrighty everyone. [Cartman walks up] We're going to do the entire reenactment again, because of some confusion over the bell. Now, I know you're just trying to help, Eric, but we have to let the Union capture the bell this time.
Cartman: But why? Why should they get the bell?
Jimbo: Wuh. Well, 'cause we're supposed to lose.
Cartman: But we don't have to lose.
Jimbo: What??
Cartman: [assuming command] Gentlemen, we can win this battle! [paces] Sure, we could lose, and tonight we can go back to our families and say, "We did it! We lost like we were supposed to! Aren't we proud?!" Or, or we take that hill. We take that hill, and when we stand tall upon it, we hold our heads high, and we yell, "Not this year! This year belongs to the Confederaseh!" [some of the men drink schnapps]
Jimbo: [takes a swig] By God, he's right!
Mr. Garrison: Jimbo!
Jimbo: Yeah, I've been reenacting this w*r for 22 years now. And for 22 years us Confederate reenacters have had to spend the evening being ridiculed and made fun of by the Union reenacters! Well, I'm sick of it!
Mr. Garrison: Yeah! Why do we have to be their bitches every year?!
Stuart: I'm tired of losing this battle!
Jimbo: And I say it's high time we kicked some ass! Who's with me?!
Men: Yeah!
Man: Yeah! [drops down drunk. Cartman grins]
[The b*ttlefield]
Grandpa: Alright, folks. Sorry for the false start. We're ready to go again. It was a cold morning in 1862. The Union Army had to- [turns at the sound of a g*n sh*t and looks at the Confederates charge down the field]
Confederate 1: Yaaaaah!
Confederate 2: Come on! Just give up! We're not gonna let you live another day!
Gerald: Uh, what are they doing?
Mr. Garrison: [drunk] You Yankee sons of bitches!
Randy: [a Confederate sh**t him on the belly] Ow! That hurt!
Grandpa: God damnit, what the hell are they doing?!
Kyle: What do we do?!
Stan: Run for your life, dude! [the boys run off. Cartman watches from the hell as the battle rages on]
Cartman: God bless those men that fight for their freedom. God bless those men! And God bless the Confederasah!
Soldier: Come on!
Randy: [tackled by Jimbo] Oh?
Jimbo: [pins Randy to the ground] Surrender your men, general!
Randy: Jimbo, have you lost your mind?!
Jimbo: SURRENDER YOUR MEN, GENERAL!
Randy: Alright, alright. We surrender. [the Union soldiers drop their g*n and raise their arms. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny walk out from behind a tree with their hands up.]
Barbrady [in the stands] The South win?
Jimbo: The South wins!
Soldiers: Yeah, woohoo!
Grandpa: God damnit!
[South Park Banquet Hall, 3:45 p.m. Reenactment after party. The men are all in conversation]
Jimbo: [walks up to Randy] Well, we can all be friends now. [nudges him] Come on, Randy. Have some s'more schnapps. [hands Randy a bottle]
Randy: Uh, I can't be happy. You ruined the reenactment.
Jimbo: Aw, come on. Have a little sip. [Randy sips]
Cartman: [walks up to Stan and Kyle] So, you guys about ready to start being my slaves yet?
Kyle: You cheated, Cartman!
Stan: Yeah, but it doesn't matter, because the bet was that the South doesn't win the w*r! And the South still didn't win the w*r, dipshit!
Kyle: Yeah. Too bad you're such a dumbass in history, or you would have known that!
Cartman: [sighs] I hate you guys so much. So very very much. And this is not over. Not by a long sh*t. [the men are getting more drunk]
Randy: [talking to Stuart with slurred speech] All I'm saying is that… is is that the Confederates would have just gotten their asses kicked in Topeka!
Mr. Garrison: That ain't true! The Confederates would have shupped ass in Topeka, too!
Bartender: Yeah.
Man: Yeah.
Gerald: You're dreaming!
Cartman: [walks up to Jimbo] Perhaps we should take Topeka.
Jimbo: Huh?
Cartman: They mock us in Kansas, soldier. They think the South is a joke. They don't respect our authoritah.
Jimbo: They don't?!
Cartman: No. I say we take Topeka.
Jimbo: [to the crowd] You know what? I'll bet we could take Topeka right now and clear them all around!
Randy: Huh?
Stuart: That's right! Maybe we should do what the Confederates would've done and march on to Topeka!
Mr. Garrison: I'll bet we could!
Jimbo: I'll bet we could, too! [pounds on the podium]
Cartman: [throwing his voice] I'll bet you can't.
Jimbo: [jumps back] What?! [then walks and stnads in front of the podium] Is that a challenge?! I'll bet we can!
Cartman: [fake voice] I'll bet you can't, because you guys are all pussies!
Jimbo: Pussies?! Oh yeah?! Men! It's time to show the world what the Confederate Army has got! We're gonna take Topeka once and for all!
Man 1: Yeah.
Man 2: Yeah.
Jimbo: [walks to the Union soldiers] All o' you men. You may have lost in the Union today, but join us now and win back your pride!
Man 3: Yeah.
Man 4: Yeah.
Randy: Well, the Union be damned!
Jimbo: Let's go!
Men: Yeah! [all walk out]
Cartman: [trailing, stops by his friends] Oh! What was our bet again? Let's see… Yes, I remember. If the South wins you have to be my slaves for a month.
Kyle: They're just drunk, Cartman! As soon as they sober up, they'll stop.
Cartman: Yes. E-e-enjoy your freedon, gentlemen. Soon, you will be my properteh. Come, Kenny. Come fight for us, and I'll make sure you get lots of plunder and womens.
Kenny: (Woohoo!) [exits with Cartman. The men charge out of the banquet hall growling]
[Topeka, Kansas, 7:53 A.M., next morning. A rooster crows. The town goes about its business. A mailman delivers some mail. A woman opens the school door. A traffic cop directs traffic. Two kids play catch in front of the school. The woman returns with the flag and hoists it up on the flagpole, and the mailman drops by.]
Mailman: Oh good morning, Mrs. Hollis.
Mrs. Hollis: Hello, Ralph.
Ralph: Did you happen to catch that ball gamem last night?
Mrs. Hollis: I'm afraid I was grading papers pretty late and- [both turn in the direction of a rumble. Everyone stops and looks in the same direction]
Driver: What's that noise, officer? [the officer looks, and the South Park men rise over a hill and charge towards town.]
South Park Men: Yeah! Yeah!
Jimbo: Ccchhhhaaaarrrrggggeeee!
[Randy knocks Ralph down with the butt of his g*n. Gerald tackles Mrs. Hollis. Another man prepares a Molotov cocktail and throws in into a house, then salutes the resulting f*re. Jimbo and Med head for the church, and its congregants rush out screaming. Stuart aims at the officer and sh**t him]
Officer: [soothing his ass] Ow!
Stuart: Freeze, buddy. These are blanks, but they still hurt like hell! [the church bell rings. Jimbo is pulling at the rope]
Jimbo: It's ours, it's ours! We've taken Topeka!
Men: Yeah!
Randy: [still holding Ralph] Alright, Yank, tell us where you keep your Jagermin's S'more-flavored Schnapps?!
Ralph: Uh-uh-uh schnapps? Uhm, uh-uh-I guess that would be at the liquor store.
Randy: WHERE?!
Ralph: At the liquor store, at the liquor stohohohohore!
Randy: [drops Ralph] Come on, boys! [they all rush the store]
Mrs. Hollis: [looking on] This is the most bizarre thing I've ever seen.
Cartman: [walks by] Excuse meh.
[South Park. Stan and Kyle wait at a regular bus stop]
Stan: Dude, my mom is sooo pissed at my dad for going to Kansas.
Kyle: I know, but—why do they have to take it out on us? Why do we have to wait around for them to come back?
Stan: Oh here comes the bus. [a tourist bus. Butters is behind the doors waiting to come out. The doors open and Butters exits. The bus leaves] Butters? Are you the only one that came back?
Butters: Uh, conuh- [salutes] Confederate Messenger Butters reporting, sir. I have a message for you from the b*ttlefield. [offers it]
Stan: What b*ttlefield?!
Butters: Uh Topeka. We're raisin' all kids of hell, see? [hands the message to Stan] Eh, it's probably the most fun I've had in several months. Wuwell, you gonna read your message or not? [Stan opens and reads the message. A sepia image of Cartman appears]
Cartman: Dear guys.
Words cannot express how much I hate you guys. As we fight our way northward into the great unknown, only that one thing remains certain: that I hate you guys with every tired muscle in my Confederate body. We have taken Topeka, and now I must lolly the men over to Missouri. Because I will not stop until we have won it all, and you guys are my slaves. Because, I hate you guys. I hate you guys so very very much.
Yours,
General Cartman Lee
Stan: [crumples the message into a ball and throws it away] God damnit, that fat piece of shit!
Kyle: Dude! What if Cartman really does succeed? And we really do have to be his slaves??
Stan: That would suck so much ass.
Kyle: We have to stop him, dude.
Stan: I'll go get my grandpa. He'll help us. Where's the Confederate Army now, Butters?
Butters: Uh-uh, wuh-I ain't supposed to tell you that. If I told you that, well, why I'd be a, a no-good Yankee son of a bitch.
Kyle: We'll give you 10 bucks.
Butters: Oh. O-oh, okay.
[News Report]
Reporter: …And she was forced to live off her own feces for several days. In national news, [the group's entry into Topeka is shown] a frightening radical group from Colorado is making its way across the Southern states of Aemrica. [the guy throwing the Molotov cocktail is shown] The group is recruiting new members in every town they pass through, and rapidly growing in number. [one last att*ck is shown] So authorities have decided to call in the National Guard. The groups seems to be led by military mastermind and right-wing radical Jimbo Kern [he is shown armed], who is known for his guerilla-fighting and leadership skills.
[Somewhere…]
Jimbo: [now bloated and sluggish] Give me some more s'more schnapps! I'm gonna be sick. [vomits] Blouach.
[Chattanooga, Tennessee, 2:35 P.M. The town is destroyed and in flames. The men revel in their victory. Stan and Kyle approach the city with Grandpa and look over it from a hill]
Stan: Oh, boy. This is worse than I thought.
Grandpa: Well, comem on Billy, we've gotta make these little peckers stop before they get themselves k*lled.
Man: [running] Aaaaa!
Brunet: They say you can either fight them or join them.
Blond: Well I'm joining them. Those blanks hurt!
Stan: [now in town] Dad, Dad. [Randy appears and stops] Mom wants you to come home.
Randy: Not now, uh Stan, I'm pillaging. [a resident runs by] Get over here!
Kyle: You've got to stop, Dad. If the South wins, me and Stan have to be Cartman's slaves!
Gerald: This is a reenactment, Kyle. My name is Pvt. John Fugasol, and I have to do what my general tells me!
Jimbo: Hey! There's some more schnapps over here!
Gerald: More schnapps! [moves towards it]
Sgt. Larsen: [the National Guard arrives] I'm Sgt. Larsen of the National Guard. We're here to stop the t*rrorists.
Grandpa: They're not t*rrorists, they're just a bunch of drunk w*nk*r from Colorado.
Larsen: Well, we can't just sh**t 'em; there's innocents and children about. Dawkins!
Dawkins: Sir!
Larsen: f*re a warning flare!
Dawkins: Yes sir! [launches the flare. The flare goes up in the air, lands right on Kenny and burns him to a crisp.]
Jimbo: Medic! [amid the panic, a medic comes and extinguishes Kenny.]
Larsen: Woops.
Stan: Oh, my God! They k*lled Kenny!
Grandpa: You bastards!
Kyle: Hey!
Soldier: [off camera] We can't f*re at them, sir. There are too many children.
Larsen: Then how do we stop them?
Stan: I know! But we'll have to wait until dark.
[South Park, Kenny's house, morning. Mrs. McCormick comes out to pick up the day's mail. She finds a letter, opens it, and reads… The sepia image of Cartman returns]
Cartman: Dear Ms. McCormick
It is with a very heavy heart that I must inform you that your son Kenny was k*lled in battle [her brows rise in surprise] on the morning of November 18, at Ruby Hills Funland in Chattanooga. This w*r has taken something from all of us, and, although your son seems to be the only casualty so far, know that we all share your pain. Your son did not die in vain. I shall persevere and make Stan and Kyle my slaves. Because I hate those guys. I hate them so very very much.
Yours,
General Cartman Lee
[The Confederate camp. The men relax and talk. Stan, Kyle, Grandpa, and Larsen sneak in…]
Stan: There, you see? We take the s'more schnapps, and by morning they're all gonna wanna go home.
Grandpa: Nice thinkin', Billy.
Larsen: Let's go. [they proceed to carry the schnapps away]
Jimbo: [enters Cartman's tent] Where to next, General?
Cartman: [with pipe in mouth] Where did the Confederates go, son?
Jimbo: Well, I guess uh Fort Sumter in South Carolina. That's where the Civil w*r really escalated.
Cartman: Ah, splendid. Then to Fort Sumter we shall go.
Jimbo: Welluh, that sounds great. I'm gonna get some s'more schnapps. You want anything?
Cartman: [turns around] Yeah. Can I get some of those animal cookies? Those frosty ones with the sprinkles on 'em.
Jimbo: Um, sure. [exits to get some schnapps. He lifts a case and removes the lid, but finds the case empty. He takes a second case and again finds it empty] What the-? Ey, where's the s'more schnapps?
Randy: [with a guitar] We're out of s'more schnapps?
Mr. Garrison: [checks his empty bottle] That can't be.
Jimbo: I guess we drank it all.
Dawkins: Now what?
Stan: Now we just wait until morning. Check-mate, Cartman. Pretty soon, you're gonna be our sl*ve.
Kyle: Yeah.
[The Confederate camp, 7:29 A.M., next morning, 7 hours without schnapps.]
Soldier 1: Uugh.
Soldier 2: Ouch.
Randy: [exits his tent] Oh, my head.
Gerald: Where am I?
Jimbo: [sits next to Ned on a bench] Ned, I think I can say without any doubt that that was the longest drinking binge we've ever had.
Ned: Mmm-oh. Gmm-oh, my head.
Mr. Garrison: [rises in his sleeping bag behind Stuart] Oh no, I'm supposed to be at work today.
Stuart: Me, too.
Jimbo: [stands] Well, come on everybody. We've got to get to the nearest bus station, quick.
Cartman: [at his tent entrance] Where are you going?
Jimbo: We're goin' home kid. Come on. [walks off]
Cartman: We can't go home, we have to take Fort Sumter! [Randy stops by]
Randy: Uh, the only thing we have to do is get home before our wives leave us.
Cartman: [watching the sober Confederates walk away] No! What about the Confederasuh?! What about freedom?!
Stan: [rushes up with Kyle and Grandpa] Haha! You lose, fatass!
Cartman: God, I hate you guys!
Kyle: Yeah, but you know? I think you've learned something today. You've learned that you can't rewrite history. [Cartman eyes a phone…] You see, history is forever, […and an empty schnapps case next to it] and everything happens for a reason. [Cartman turns and walks] Sure, you can try and change the past, but usually you kno-
Stan: Where are you going?
Cartman: This isn't over! Oh no! Oh no, not by a long sh*t! [Stan and Kyle just look at each other]
[The long march home… The group is in a meadow.]
Randy: Ogh. I don't believe we came all the way out here.
Jimbo: Yeah? Well, I don't think the bus station is too far from here.
Stuart: Uh, how much do you think a bus ticket back to Colorado is gonna run? [two schnapps trucks pull up and the drivers drop down. They head to the rears of the trucks and start unloading case after case of Jagermin's]
Suzette: Allo, I am Suzette, the S'more Schnapps girl. [Cartman gets out of the truck and walks up behind her] We are pleased to sponsor you with all the S'more Schnapps you need.
Randy: Awgh, I can't drink anymore of that stuff.
Gerald: Me neither.
Cartman: Uh uh come uh, come on, guys. Just one little drink. Uh a toast to how far you came and all that you saw.
Suzette: Yes, please. Do a sh*t out of my breasts. [pours two bottles into her cleavage]
Jimbo: Well, uh I guhess one little cheers is in order.
[Soon, the men are drunk again and having a good time.]
Jimbo: Hey, look! Ned's doin' his trick again! [Ned tumbles by wearing a fancy lampshade]
Mr. Garrison: [rushes up] Hey, guys. Let's all play a game of "grab ass."
Gerald: What's "grab ass?"
Mr. Garrison: You know. We just run around in circles and try to grab each other's asses.
Randy: Ey, that sounds fun. [grabs Mr. Garrison's ass]
Mr. Garrison: Hohoho.
Solders: I got you. Oo-oh. [the men laugh and chase each other around trying to grab asses here and there]
Cartman: [intervenes] Gentlemen! I hate to break up the party, but I believe we have a fort to take.
Jimbo: You heard the General.
Soldiers: Yeah! [all charge out. Empty schnapps cases litter the field]
Stan: [reaches the scene a bit late] Oh, no.
Kyle: We'll never stop them now.
[The March of w*r. Chattanooga, Tennessee, is struck, then Atlanta, Georgia; then eastern and southeastern Alabama, then Orlando, Florida. The group is on a log ride]
Soldiers: Woohoo!
Cartman: Yes! Yes!
[Southeast Georgia is struck, then Darling County, South Carolina.]
[Fort Sumter, day. A tour is taking place.]
Guide: Throughout 1861 the Confederate authorities tried to drive out the Union occupants of Fort Sumter peacefully. But Abraham Lincoln's administration would not surrender the fort to the Confederates, so Jefferson Davis decided to take action.
Tourist: And the Confederates won the fort?
Guide: Yes. [turns and leads the group to the gates] Imagine what it must have been like: you're a Union soldier stationed at this fort, and one day, you look out and see thousands of Confederates ready to pounce on you. [the group stares in awe at the thousands of Confederates just outside the gate. The guide turns to see…] Uh…
Cartman: Take the fort!
Jimbo: Charge!
Men: Yeah! [they enter] Woohoo, yeah, come on!
Jimbo: We got it! The fort is ours! [a cannon blast knocks Randy down]
Randy: What was that?? [the National Guard has caught up with the Confederates and now surrounds the fort.]
Larsen: [on the bullhorn] Attention political activists: you are on government historical document property! Surrender the document with your hands up! If you would like a tour of the fort, one can be arranged through the South Carolina Chamber of Commerce.
Stan: [takes the bullhorn] Give up, fatass! There's over a hundred National Guards down here.
Cartman: Suck my ass!
Jimbo: What do we do, General? We're outnumbered.
Cartman: We asked the State of South Carlina for recruits. The reenforcements are bound to show up.
Larsen: Alright, that does it. Blow the whole thing up.
Stan: No, you can't do that. Our dads are there.
Larsen: Sorry, son. We tried it your way; now we do it our way. Prepare the mortar.
Elderly Voice: Hold it right there! [The camera zooms out to show the rowdy reenforcements converge on Stan, Kyle, Grandpa, and the National Guard]
Jimbo: Wow, look at that! The entire state of South Carolina showed up! [other men grin with joy]
Cartman: I knew they would!
Stan: Aw, damnit!
Leader: [saluting] We're ready to fight with ya. Long live the Confederacy!
Men: Yee-haw! All right!
Cartman: Now our numbers are truly great. It is time. It is time to march to Washington D.C.!
[Washington D.C., 7:45 A.M., next day. The group has entered the city and are protesting outside the white house. The Million Confederate March?]
Jimbo: Hey, government! You can't ignore our anguished cries anymore! You hear that?! You Government?! [Clinton looks out the window with two advisors]
Al Gore: Oh boy, this doesn't look good.
[the three men turn away from the window]
Advisor: It's just like the Million Man March, except that there actually are a million people.
Aide: Mr. President! A message for you from the extremists! [Clinton reads:]
Cartman: Dear Mr. President:
There are times when humans can no longer endure their government's authoritah. You must declare the Confederaceh its own nation so that we may enter into a new millennium of prosperitah. If you do not meet our demands, we will be forced to show the videotapes we have of you with Marisa Tomei.
Clinton: Oh, dear God! Wuh-we have to meet their demands.
Advisor: What?? Sir, there's- there's not that many of them.
Al Gore: As Vice-Persident, I think we'd better give them what they want. It's just the Southern states; who really needs them?
Clinton: My hands are tied. Tell General Lee that I'll meet him in front of the Capitol.
Aide: [salutes] Sir!
Al Gore: I'm so glad I don't have your job. [Clinton is surprised]
[back outside in the raucous crowd]
Stan: Dude, let's just give up right now and accept that we have to be Cartman's slaves.
Grandpa: Damnit, Billy, this isn't about you havin' to be slaves! This is about history! We can't let them change it!
Stan: Well, we've tried everything, Grandpa. What else can we do?
Grandpa: Wait a munute! They're all still doing a reenactment. What we have to do is play into that. Come on, Billy. You boys need a quick history lesson! [wheels away]
[The Capitol, later. President Clinton is at a table on the Capitol with Gore and others]
Clinton: All right, I'm gonna sign the document declarin' the Confederacy winners of the Civil w*r.
Confederates: [exulting] Hooray!
Jimbo: [to Cartman] Boy, we really got the President by the balls. Good thing you have that videotape of him and Marisa Tomei.
Cartman: I don't. I made it up. [Kyle and Stan approach Clinton as Lincoln and Davis, respectively]
Jimbo: Hey! Who's that?!
Kyle: Hello. I'm Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States.
Stan: Yes, and I'm Jefferson Davis, President of the Confederacy.
Clinton: Boy, this just keeps getting weirder, doesn't it?
Cartman: What the hell are you guys doing?!
Jimbo: Ey, General, he's reenacting Jefferson Davis! You can't talk that way to a superior officer!
Stan: Men, I want you all to know that as President of the Confederacy, I am hereby surrendering.
Cartman: What?!
Kyle: Well, as Abraham Lincoln, I accept your surrender, and agree to your conditions. You and all the Confederates will have all the S'more Schnapps you can drink for a year.
Confederates: Wow!
Randy: A whole year?
Jimbo: All right! Well, I think we got what we wanted.
Clinton: That's it? I-I don't have to sign this thing? [Kyle and Stan turn to each other and shake hands]
Gerald: Hey, come on. We should take a tour of the Smithsonian before we head back.
Cartman: No! We still have to fight!
Jimbo: [stops] Lincoln and Davis signed the treaty, General. The w*r is over.
Cartman: NOOO!!
Stan: [walks over with Kyle] It's finally over, Cartman. You lost!
Kyle: Yeah. And now you can stake that stupid beard off! [tugs at it until it pulls off]
Cartman: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- [the camera zooms out for a view of the city, then the planet, then the Milky Way, then the binary-star system of Marklar, the Marklars themselves, then another planet, then the aliens seen so often before…] -AAAH!
Clinton: [walks up and genuflects behind Stan and Kyle, patting each of them on the shoulder] Boys, as President of the United States, I want to commend you for stopping the rebel uprising.
Stan: Don't touch me. [Clinton stands up]
Kyle: Well Cartman, the South lost! That mean you're our sl*ve for a month!
Cartman: Damnit! Damnit, I was so close! Damnit!
Stan: Now, the first thing I want you to do for us is-
Cartman: Wait a minute! I don't have to be your sl*ve.
Kyle: What??
Cartman: The North still won the Civil w*r! That means sl*very is abolished!
Clinton: Eh, he's right, boys. sl*very is illegal and immoral, partially in thanks to the North winning the Civil w*r.
Stan: Awwww!
Cartman: Hahahaha haa ha!
Stan: Aw, the hell with it. Let's go home. [he and Kyle walk away with Grandpa] Thanks a lot, Bill Clinton!
Kyle: Yeah. Thanks, dick!
[End of The Red Badge Of Gayness] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x14 - The Red Badge Of Gayness"} | foreverdreaming |
[South Park, Main Street, day. Kyle, Stan, and Kenny walk towards Tom's Rhinplasty. Some adults walk by them as a station wagon rolls by. On the buildings are posters of Father Time and Baby New Year.]
Stan: Dude, what are we gonna do for New Year's Eve? It has to be awesome.
Kyle: I know. It's probably gonna be the biggest night of our lives!
Cartman: [runs up] You guys! You guys! [pants] Guess what?
Kyle: What, fatass?!
Cartman: I've become a man! I started puberty, you guys! [grins]
Kenny: (…What?)
Stan: No you didn't!
Cartman: Yes! I really did.
Stan: How do you know?
Cartman: Well, because yesterday I got my period. [lets the words hang there for a moment]
Kyle: You got your what?
Cartman: My period, you guys. You see, there comes a time in every child's life when they grow up and nature takes its course by having you bleed out your ass for a few days every month.
Stan: You're making that up! [a woman steps out of a small building, and he addresses her] Miss Aliton, what's it mean to get a period?
Miss Aliton: Well boys, ah-I don't think I can tell you. Ah-
Stan: Please, it's important.
Miss Aliton: Well, it's when puberty hits and you bleed, you know, down there. [points to the region]
Kyle: Holy shit, dude! Cartman's right! [Miss Aliton turns and walks away. The boys turn to face Cartman]
Cartman: Well guys, I'm afraid I won't be able to hang out with you on New Year's Eve. I have to hang out with the older crowd because now, I'm ma-ture. [begins to dance away backwards] I got my period, and you guys didn't. I got my period, and you guys didn't. [skips out of view]
Stan: Dude, Cartman can't h*t puberty before us.
Kyle: Well, maybe we'll get ours soon, too. I'm gonna go and see if I'm bleeding out my ass.
Kenny: (Me too.)
[TV 4 News Flash]
Anchorman: In local news, a stomach virus is going around that is causing bleeding of the colon in some small children. Doctors are telling parents that the virus is nothing to worry about and that the infections can be dealt with with simple antibiotics. [turns to face another camera, and a new picture, "New Year's Eve 1999" appears] Well, it's just four days until New Year's Eve, 1999. The new millennium is almost upon us, and all over the world people have started to celebrate by dancing, singing, and k*lling one another. [In New York, amid burning buildings, one man beats another man over the head with a bat. In Paris, people drop down from on high, and in Beijing people torch each other] But probably the biggest event of the millennium is one happening in South Park, Colorado, where people have gathered for a chance to see Jesus Christ. Craig Netzel is standing by.
[Reporter Craig Netzel in South Park. Television cameras are verywhere]
Craig: Thanks, Tom. It is indeed four days until the new millennium, and hundreds if not thousands of people have come from all over the world seeking Jesus, here at his house in South Park. [the camera begins to pan to the right. A man with two kids next to him sit in chairs. Skeeter and his friends are there, too] Everyone is giddy with anticipation for Jesus to come out, because as we all know, if Jesus comes out of his house and is not scared by his shadow, it means the next thousand years will be full of peace and love. [the front door opens] Oh, it looks like Jesus might be coming out! [turns to face the hosue. Jesus peeks out from it]
Woman: [picks up her son and points Jesus out] Oh look, Tommy. There he is. Can you see him?
Boy: He's neat, Mommy. [cameras go off as the crowd stands behind some Jesus line. Do not cross lines. Jesus drops back into his house, then peeks out again]
Craig: [softly] Everyone is quiet here, Tom. Looks like the little fellow's a bit nervous. [Jesus moves forward] But he has taken another step out, Tom! This is great new for us!
Jesus: Uh-mmm, um what are you people doing? [people lower their cameras, puzzled] Can I help you with something? [no one moves]
Craig: …Well, it's… the millennium, Jesus.
Jesus: Uuh-huh?
Craig: Well, it's "The Millennium"
Man 1: Yeah.
Man 2: Yeah.
Man 3: Yeah.
Cameraman: Right.
Jesus: So, what happens at the millennium?
Craig: …I don't know.
Jimbo: We thought you did.
"Y2K" Man: Yeah, you're supposed to know!
Man 4: Yeah!
Man 5: Yeah, you're Jesus.
Man 6: Hey!
Man 5: -You're the one in control.
Jesus: Oh. Well. Yea. Believe in me and ye shall find peace.
Mr. Garrison: Yeah yeah yeah, we've heard that crap for about 2000 years now! We wanna hear some'in' new! It's the year 2000, for Christ's sake!
Crowd: Yeah!
Jesus: Well, what do ya want?
Fr. Maxi: We want to see God!
Randy: Yeah, with our own eyes.
Crowd: Yeah!
Jimbo: We followed blindly for thousands of years and we think the least God can do is show up for New Year's Eve 1999!
Crowd: Yeah!
Woman: That's right!
Jesus: Oh. Uuuh, llet me think about that for a minute. [backs up and closes the door. The people in the crowd are left to talk amongst themselves]
Man With Picket Sign: [to man to his left] Is that good?
Man 7: I don't know.
Man 8: I don't know. Is that good or not?
[The Marsh house, living room. The phone rings and Stan goes to answer it.]
Stan: Hello?
Kyle: Dude, did you get your period yet?
Stan: No, there's no blood coming out of my ass.
Kyle: Mine neither. But I double-checked, and Cartman was right. Your period is the start of puberty.
Stan: Well, if Cartman is the only one who get it and he thinks he's too grown-up to hang out with us on New Year's eve, then screw him anyways.
Kyle: Yeah.
[The McCormick shack, the restroom. Kenny reads from the South Park Enquirer on the pot. A stool drops into the toilet, and Kenny gets up to check it out]
Kenny: [seeing the red streak] (Woohoo! [jumps for joy] Woohoooo!)
[Al's Pharmacy. Inside, the boys check out various tampons. Cartman looks over a box of Breeze tampons]
Stan: Come on, Cartman, we have to make plans for New Year's.
Cartman: Hold your horses, guys. This is very important for mature people. [drops the Breeze and picks up the Plug-Ups. Softly] Let's see. Offers complete protection during heavy flow, hm. [swaps the Plug-Ups for the Cotton Cork] Lessee, might slow stoppage of vaginal chunks, eh. [swaps the Cotton Cork for the Beaver Dam] Oh, this one's got wings, you guys!
Kenny: [rushes in] (You guys! You guys, I did it! I got my very own period!)
Cartman [pleased] You did?
Kyle: You got your period too, Kenny?
Kenny: (Yeah, it was awesome! I was just sitting down and then I got my period!)
Cartman: Well welcome to the club, Kenny. You got your period, so now you're a man. We can hang out together on New Year's eve. [Stan shrugs, but looks worried] But first you need to buy some Maxi pads to stuff in the back of your pants so you don't get blood on your underwear.
Kenny: [exults] (Woo-hoo!)
[Jesus' house. The crowd awaits his decision. Inside, Jesus paces the floor]
Craig: [from the TV] Tom, it looked for a second as if Jesus was going to come out of his house, but then he went back inside. But meanwhile, more and more people are showing up to show their support for Jesus. [a man holds up a sign saying]
It's the end
of the
MILLENIUM
Please don't
k*ll us
JESUS
[Jesusu looks in wonder]
Rancher: [holding a Bible] Well, the way I see it, if he really is who he says he is, well then he'd better do some'in' on New Year's eve, 'cause it's in the Bible!
Jesus: [sighs heavily] Father, I need to talk to you. Please, Father, appear to me. [a flash of light and swirling clouds follow as Jesus comes forward to meet his father]
God: [voice-over] What is it, my child?
Jesus: Father, everyone is starting to pay attention to me again because of the new millennium. Huh-I'm kinda making a comeback!
God: Yea, like John Travolta before you. You are experiencing a second revival.
Jesus: It's the millennium, Father. People want to see you.
God: Nay, their eyes are not yet prepared to see the likes of me.
Jesus: But dad, I think this may be my one big sh*t at a comeback.
God: Be ye careful of pride, Jesus.
Jesus: Just make an appearance. You can come down, sey 'hi' to a few people and can be back by 12:30.
God: I'm sorry, my son, but if you want to earn everyone's love, you will have to do it yourself.
[The Broflovski house, living room, day. Ike is playing with a set of blocks. Kyle approaches him.]
Kyle: Ike, can I talk to you? [sits down next to Ike]
Ike: Uh ar, stufid.
Kyle: Ike, I don't know what to do. All the guys are getting their periods, and I don't think I am. I can't be the last one to get it. I just can't!
Ike: Whoa won toooo-reeee.
Kyle: Cartman got his, then Kenny. What if tomorrow Stan says he got his and I'm left out? I might not even get to be their friend anymore.
Ike: No. Martur sucker. Moghee. Muckeh m'gwoss. Tabyudog.
Kyle: Yeah! I could just say I got my period! It's not like they'll check. I can just say I got my period, 'cause I really will get it someday! It's not really lying, it's just jumping the g*n a little.
Ike: Cokeh mocker.
Kyle: [stands and moves out] Thanks a lot, Ike!
[The bus stop, day. Stan, Kenny and Cartman are haning out there.]
Stan: So you guys aren't gonna spend New Year's eve with us?
Cartman: Look, Kenny and I are mature now. We can't spend New Year's eve with a couple of kids. Did you get your Maxi pads, Kenny?
Kenny: (No. All I could get was a couple of tampons.)
Cartman: Tampon? What's a tampon?
Kenny: (See, a tampon is what you stick up your ass so you don't bleed.)
Cartman: Ew, doesn't that hurt?
Kenny: (I dunno.)
Kyle: [rushes up quite excited] You guys! I got my period, too!
Cartman: Wow, cool!
Stan: [frightened] You did?
Kyle: Yeah! [Stan looks down sadly] I was just hanging out in my room, and then I perioded all over the place.
Cartman: All right! You have to be in me and Kenny's club, then. My mom gave me this "Women Who Run With The Wolves" book and I'm finding out all about our goddess powers.
Kyle: Awesome! We get powers?
Cartman: Yeah! Come on, we can set everything up in my clubhouse and get ready for New Year's eve! [Stan is left alone, but Cartman returns] Hey, don't feel bad, Stan. Some of us just mature a little later than others. [walks away]
[Stan's room, night. He's ready for bed, but sits at his desk with pencil and paper at the ready. He picks the pencil up and writes]
Stan: Are you there, God?
It's me, Stan. If you wouldn't mind, I don't wanna be the only kid who doesn't get his period before the new year. Could you speed up my development a little? Thanks, God.
Your friend,
Stan
[He sets his pencil down and goes to bed]
[Jesus' house, outside, night. The camera crews and crowd keep vigil. One window on the house is lit from within]
Jesus: Are you there, God?
It's me, Jesus. I feel like I've got a real sh*t at a comeback, God. For whatever reason, people are starting to follow me again. I'm 2000 years old, but I feel like I'm 28 again! I think I'm going to win everybody back, because I just made a few phone calls, and I'm going to put on the most amazing New Year's spectacle this world has ever seen!
[The Marsh house, Stan's room, day. An alarm goes off, and Terrance and Phillip are heard.]
Phillip: [a rooster crows] Oh God, you're smelly!
Announcer: Good morning, South Park, it's 8 a.m., [Stan awakens] and only two more days until the new millennium! [Stan moves towards the radio, than away from it, then hidss under the covers, then sprints for the restroom. Quickly, he lowers his pajamas and briefs]
Stan: Damnit! Damnit damnit damnit!
Sharon: Stanley, honey, what's the matter?
Stan: [sobbing] I'm not bleeding out my aahass!
Sharon: Well, that's good, honey.
Stan: No it's not! It's terrible! [Sharon looks worried. Stan returns to his bed and prays] Are you there, God? It's me, Stan. How come you didn't help me? I know you're really busy with things, but this is a matter of life and death. If I don't get my period, my friends won't let me hang out with them on New Year's eve. Please, please give me my period soon.
[Jesus' house, day, one day before New Year's eve. The camera crews and crowd keep vigil. A woman yawns, and the front door opens again]
Jimbo: Here he comes!
Mr. Garrison: He's coming out!
Jesus: [steps out and closes the door] …I have given it much thought, my children, and you are right. After reviewing the Bible, it does indeed say that something very big is going to happen at the millennium. [the crowd cheers and jumps for joy] I have spoken to my Father in heaven, and he agreed that the millennium is significant to all of us. And ye who believe in me SHALL be rewarded! [more cheering and jumping] So what we're going to do tomorrow night, New Year's Eve, 1999: we just got ROD STEWART to agree to play a comeback concert at the Rio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, and you're all going! […silence]
Man: …We knew you could do it, Jesus! [the crowd begins to cheer again, and Jesus grins]
Mr. Garrison: Well, I'd better book my ass a flight to Vegas! [hurries away]
Fr. Maxi: [beings to sing. Others step aside]
For he is Savior
For he is Lord
Crowd: He gives me hope when
I have only been bored
And he lifts me up with
His gentle arm…
[The Ewok Village 2000. Catman, Kyle, and Kenny sit in a circle with candles next to them.]
Cartman: [wearing a bandana and flowers] Okay, is everyone accounted for? Goddess Wind?
Kyle: [with bandana and leafy wings] Here.
Cartman: Goddess Moon? Goddess Moon?!
Kenny: [with fine pendant on his hood and purple cape] (Damnit, here!)
Cartman: And I'm here, Goddess Earthly Delight. So this is the first meeting of our club for teens who have gotten their periods. We're supposed to talk about our periods. And boys. Let's talk about boys first. I think Craig is pretty cool, but I don't think Clyde is very cool.
Kyle: I think Clyde is kind of cool, but Craig is definitely cooler than Clyde.
Kenny: (Yes, I agree. I think Craig is a thousand times as cool as Clyde. There doesn't really seem to be a doubt.)
Cartman: Okay, that settles that. Now let's talk about our periods. Kyle, you first.
Kyle: Oh. Ah-ah. Ah-uh-m-m.
Cartman: What's the matter, Kyle?
Kyle: Nothing. Um [clears his throat], my period is really uuuh… [Cartman looks on skeptically] Uuuh, my period is going swimmingly.
Cartman: …Okay, that makes sense. Mine is going swimmingly, too.
Kenny: (And mine too.)
Kyle: [sighs] Phew.
[Chef's house. Stan walks up and knocks]
Chef: [opens the door] Oh, hello Stan.
Stan: [despondent] Hey, Chef.
Chef: How's it going?
Stan: Bad.
Chef: Why bad?
Stan: Can I come in?
Chef: Well, sure. [Stan enters and Chef closes the door. They sit on the sofa] Now, what's the matter, little cr*cker?
Stan: Chef, I have …this friend, see? And this person is really bummed out, because everyone else the same age has gotten their period, and this person hasn't.
Chef: OOH, you're talkin' about your older sister, Shelley.
Stan: No.
Chef: Your little girlfriend, Wendy.
Stan: Look, it doesn't matter who it is. The point is that everyone else got their period and this person hasn't.
Chef: Look, Stan. Do you really know what a period is?
Stan: Yeah, Cartman told us.
Chef: Stan, let me sing you a little song about the menstrual cycle. I think it might clear things up for you. [gets up and faces him]
Stan: Okay.
Chef: Ooo baby, yeah baby, ooo baby.
Yeah baby, yeah baby, now baby.
Ooo yeah, yes yes baby
Yeahyeahyeah, uh-huh baby now
Agh! Agh! Awww! No, baby!
Ewww, baby! No, no!
Alright now—I'm alright, I'm-I'm cool, it's okay.
Uh alright, wwatch out for the bedspread, baby.
Look out now, it's- alright, I'll tell you what.
Uuh, how about uuh, uh.
Why don't I call you next week?
And that's my song abourt the menstrual cycle, Stan. Did that clear things up for you?
Stan: [thinks, then] …So what you're saying is, this person shouldn't be bummed becuase everybody has their period at a different time.
Chef: …Is that what I said?
Stan: But it's not fair! It's not fair that one day you're on top, that you're the coolest kid in town, and then the next day you're at the bottom again, 'cause everyone has blood coming out their ass but you, and if I can't menstruate, then by God, I'm not gonna sit around and be the only periodless 8-year old boy! I'm gonna do someting about it! [hops off and heads out the door.]
Chef: Whoa! I musta missed a WHOLE middle part there.
[Rod Stweart's mansion, day. Jesus sits on a leather sofa with Stewart's agent. Around them are Grammys, some pictures of Stewart and framed gold records]
Agent: I can't tell you how excited Rod Stewart is about this millennium concert. He's gotten a little older, but you're gonna see how much he can still rock.
Jesus: Hoh, I'm excited too. I think it will bring my Father's children back to their faith and back to mine eyes, for I an the Lamb of God.
Agent: Yeah t-and uh, you know, Rod is a seasoned veteran, so I'm gonna have to ask for a bit more cash, but we could talk about that leter; here comes Rod now. [some double doors open, and a nurse wheels Rod into the room]
Rod: Hullo-o-o.
Jesus: [surprised, but quickly recovers and shakes Rod's hand] Hey, Rod, great to see you.
Rod: Oh.
Jesus: Uh, the folks are sure glad you're playing. It's really given them a lot of faith in me again. I'm sure that together, we can make this millennium party the best New Year's bash ever!
Rod: Pooped pants.
Jesus: What?
Rod: Pooped pants.
Jesus: Poo pants?
Rod: Pooped 'nmuh pants.
Jesus: Yuh you pooped your pants?
Rod: Pooped in my pants.
Jesus: Oh Uh-n nurse? Mr. Stewart has apparently pooped his pants?
Rod: Again?! [turns Rod around to wheel him away] Now, Mr. Stewart, what did we say about trying to hold in Mr. Dookie? [exits with Rod. Jesus can only look on, shocked]
[Genetic Engineering Ranch, night]
Dr. Mephesto: [leading Stan into the lab] Yes, puberty is a very wonderful thing, Stan. It'w what links us all together, makes us one.
Stan: But what happens if there's someone who never went through puberty.
Dr. Mephesto: Never went through puberty? Who never went through puberty?
Stan: Nn-nobody! I mean, uh, well, m-my dad.
Dr. Mephesto: Your father never went through puberty?
Stan: No. And uh, that's why he sent me here; 'cause he's too embarassed to come himself.
Dr. Mephesto: Oh, I can't say that I blame him.
Stan: So do you know anything that can help him?
Dr. Mephesto: Well, I should think the most logical solution would be… hormones.
Stan: Hormones? [smiles. Mephesto takes him to the medicine cabinet]
Dr. Mephesto: Yes! [removes a bottle of PURE HORMONES] Here, and tell your father to take just one of these pills every week. It could be just what he needs. And be sure to tell him that his secret is safe with me.
Stan: Thanks a lot, Dr. Mephesto. You're the best! [walks away with the bottle]
Dr. Mephesto: My pleasure. I just love helping people.
[Genetic Engineering Ranch, outside. Stan looks at the bottle and reads the prescription: "one tablet weekly." He pops the lid off… One tablet falls, and then the empty bottle.]
[The Ewok Village 2000, next day. Cartman, Kyle, and Kenny have reassembled.]
Cartman: Now, for our first club activity, we're supposed to reach into this little dish and pull out a word. We look at the word and think about what that word means to us. [tips the bowl towards Kyle, who reaches in and takes a slip of paper]
Kyle: [unfurls and reads] Okay. Today's word is "spirituality." What that means to me is uh- [thump. The three look up]
Stan: [outside, below] Hey assholes! [the three rise and head for a window]
Cartman: Oh, look. It's that little boy who hasn't gotten his period yet.
Stan: [now with some facial hair] Don't you worry about that! I've started taking hormones!
Kyle: Hormones?
Stan: Yeah, they make you have your puberty quicker. And I'm just here to tell you that my puberty is gonna be bigger than any of you guys's!
Kyle: Dude, I don't think 8-year olds are supposed to take hormones.
Cartman: Yeah, you shouldn't force your period, Stan. You should let it come, like the morning dew.
Stan: So what are we gonna do for New Year's?
Cartman: Well, we're going with our families to Las Vegas. I guess there'll be some younger kids there, too, if you wanna go.
Stan: [voice breaking] Aaaargh. I'm gonna go take some more hormones. [walks away. The other three withdraw and resume their discussion]
Cartman: Now, the word is "spirituality." I believe that the goddess in me is my spirituality because she-
Kenny: (Ooooowwwwwwwhh.) [leans forward in pain]
Cartman: Quiet, Kenny. The goddess lives in all of us and has-
Kenny: (Oh- ooowww!)
Cartman: God damnit, Kenny, shut the hell up!
Kenny: (Aaaaaa!) [falls back and passes out. Blood spews up from his mouth]
Kyle: Whoa, dude!
[Hell's Pass Hospital. An ambulance is parked outside. Inside, the McCormick parents sit in the waiting room holding hands]
Dr. Doctor: Mr. and Ms. McCormick.
McCormick Parents: Yes?
Dr. Doctor: I'm sorry. We… couldn't save your son.
Ms. McCormick: [sobbing] Oh my God, my little Kenny's gone. I can't believe it.
Dr. Doctor: We just didn't get to him in time. There's nothing we could do.
Stuart: What happened? What k*lled him, doctor?
Dr. Doctor: Well, we found a… tampon stuck up your child's ass. Apparently, he'd had it up there for several days. It plugged him up until he finally burst from the inside out like a ruptured septic t*nk.
Ms. McCormick: [sobbing] Oh my God.
Dr. Doctor: My worry is that he could have been following some kind of crazy new fad. Perhaps the children are all shoving tampons up their ass because they've seen the Backstreet Boys doing it on TV or something.
Ms. McCormick: [sobbing] Gi-ih [gulp]
Dr. Doctor: We must get to the bottom of this! …if you'll pardon the pun. But actually, right now, I've got to carch a plane to Las Vegas to see the Rod Stewart Millennium Show.
Stuart: Rod Stewart's gonna be in Vegas?
[Las Vegas, night. Klieg lights search the sky as a large crowd gathers for the concert. Craig Netzel is on scene]
Craig: Tom, I'm here live in Las Vegas, where tomorrow night THE New Year's Eve event is going to happen. Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, is presenting Rod Stewart, the undisputed King of Pop, right here at this hotel behind me. [tents and stands pepper the grounds. Some of them have been seen in South Park before] It looks as though Jesus really has come through. [Jesus is in his room looking at the report] Everyone is very excited, because rumor has it that God Himself is gonna show up to the event.
Jesus: [shocked] What??
Craig: How about you, ma'am? Do you think God is gonna show up tomorrow night?
Ma'am: [in party hat] Of course he is. This is Jesus we're talking about. He wouldn't let us down.
Jesus: [turns off the TV] Oh no! Are you there, God? Father, will you please reconsider and show up tomorrow? [no answer] …Hello?
[New Year's Eve, morning. Stan's radio alarm goes off]
Sharon: Stanley. [Stan awakes. A beard is forming] Wake up, honey. It's time to leave for Las Vegas. [he jumps out of bed and walks past a Terrance and Phillip full-length mirror. He stops, walks backwards, and looks at his reflection, strokes his sparse beard, turns to look at himself from the side…]
Stan: Who-o-oa, du-ude. I've got boobs.
[Las Vegas, New Year's Eve, 1999, night. The stage area. The crowds erupts in anticipation]
Cartman: [walks in with Kyle] Hey, Las Vegas is a pretty cool place for us mature people. [Jesus takes the stage and speaks]
Jesus: Alright, people. Are we ready to rock the millennium?! [the crowd roars. Jesus steps backstage and prays] Father in heaven, please let tonight's show go well. Please make them like it.
Kyle: [Butters is already next to Cartman] Hey, here comes Stan.
Stan: [walks up, with a deep boy voice] Have I missed anything?
Cartman: Wow, Stan, you really got some nice titties there.
Kyle: Did you get your period yet, Stan?
Stan: No. I didn't, but-
Cartman: Buh- Don't worry. You'll get it someday. Come on, Kyle. Let's go see what kind of tampons they have here in Las Vegas. [he and Kyle walk off]
Jesus: Well, I tell you one thing. I sure as heck am excited. We've got about four hours to the new year, and so I think it's time to START IT UP! Ladies and gentelmen, as promised, Mr. Rod "Do You Think I'm Sexy?" Stewart! [the curtains open as Jesus steps aside. The nurse rolls Rod up to the mic and walks away as the band plays. The crowd has no reaction. The band pauses after a while, so Rod can sing]
Rod: O-o-oh. [the band riffs a bit] O-oh. [the band plays on. Jesus keeps time] O-o-o-oh. Be-eh-o-o-or. [Stan walks around and then sits on a curb, truly depressed. Rod sings unintelligibly]
Jimbo: [disgusted] Whoa, man.
Rod: Oh. Uh pooped 'em. [the band resumes play as the nurse brings a bucket on stage and checks him out]
Mr. Garrison: This sucks balls!
Blonde: Yeah!
Man 7: Alright, enough of this! Bring out God!
Man 9: Yeah!
Jesus: Oh no.
Crowd: We want God! We want God! We want God!
Jesus: ["We want God"] Please, Father. Do something.
Crowd: We want God!
Jesus: [goes onstage again] Uh, folks, I'm afraid God can't make it tonight.
Randy: We came all the way to Las Vegas for this?!
Woman: This is the worst New Year's ever! Thanks a lot, Jesus!
Skeeter: Llet's get him! [leads the charge to the stage]
[Craig Netzel with some breaking news. The crowd has g*n to riot.]
Craig: Well, Tom, I'm here live in Las Vegas in what is quickly becoming known as "the gayest party ever." Everyone is so outraged that they are building a large cross in which to once again crucify our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. [behind him, two men pop in and out of view. One holds a bat, the other runs back and forth. The man with the bat beats the other man down, but the other man pops up and continues running]
Stan: [goes onstage] Jesus, why does God hate me?
Jesus: Huh? He doesn't hate you, he hates me. He's gonna let me be crucified again.
Stan: He hates me more. He doesn't answer my prayers. I prayed to him every day and he never answered me.
Jesus: Well, yeah, but just because God doesn't answer your prayers doesn't mean he doesn't care about you.
Stan: Well then, why didn't he give me what I wanted?
Jesus: Well, God can't just answer every prayer and suddenly give you everything you want. That takes all the living out of life.
Stan: What do you mean?
Jesus: If God answered all our prayers, there'd be nothing left for us to do ourselves. Life is about problems, and overcoming those problems. [becomes reflective] A-and growing and learning from obstacles. If God just fixed everything for us, then there'd be no point in our existence. [realizes something] That's why he wouldn't show up to my New Year's party.
Stan: I just wanted my period.
Jesus: I get it now, Father. I had to learn all this on my own. [Skeeter and five other men bring a large cross in] I was overcome with my new popularity and, and I let pride get in the way of good judgment. [a bright light appears in the sky and descends towards the stage. The crowd gapes in awe]
Man: Whoa, what is that??
Jesus: [the light approaches him] It's Dad.
Fr. Maxi: God? God is going to show himself??
Woman: Look, I can see him. [the light begins to bathe the crowd]
Jesus: Father. You came.
God: Now look upon Me, My children, and know Me. [now the crowd is shocked] Be ye not afraid. [God is shown as a hippo-rodent] Blessed art thou, my children. [a man's party blower falls from his lips]
Randy: That's God?
Jesus: Yea, 'tis my Father, the Creator. He is the Alpha and the Omega. [a snake's tongue lashes out from God's mouth] The Beginning and the End.
Mr. Garrison: Well, yeah, but that??
God: What did you expect me to look like, My son?
Mr. Garrison: [thinks a moment] …Well not like that!
God: Since it is the end of the first 2000 years, I will allow you, My children, to ask me one question.
Gerald: [next to Mr. Mackey] One question?
Mr. Mackey: Only one?
Sharon: What should we ask him?
Chef: We have to think carefully. We can ask him anything we want, like, "What's the meaning of life?" or "Why are we here?".
Stan: I have it. I have the question. [steps forth] Now you have to answer me once and for all! How come I haven't gotten my period yet?! [the crowd stands aghast]
God: [after a while] My child, you are a boy. Boys do not get periods. That's only for girls. Your friends were bleeding a little bit out of their asses because of an acute colon infection. And your friend Kyle simply lied about it.
Kyle: [exposed] How do know that?
God: You will h*t puberty when the time is right. But you will never have a period, because you are a man — with titties. Thus spaketh the Lord. And now I return to heaven. [transforms into the light and returns the way he came]
Mr. Garrison: Hey, wait! That doesn't count as our question, does it??
God: I'll answer another on New Year's Eve, in the year 4000. [zips away]
Stan: Did you hear that everybody? I'm not even supposed to have my period; that's why God wasn't answering me before! [people look at him, annoyed] Boy, I'm sure everything worked out okay. [looks around] I guess now we can all celebrate the New Year, huh?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot [end credits roll]
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne…
Skeeter: Llet's get him.
Stan: Let's have a cup o-Aaaa! [mayhem ensues as people riot, breaking wood and glass all around. A g*n is heard, a couple of women scream, and the rioting goes on]
[End of Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus.] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x16 - Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus!"} | foreverdreaming |
[A promo is the first thing shown. Live-action sh*ts throughout]
Announcer: This Saturday
POX PRESENTS
Pox presents the musical event of the new millennium!
THE MUSICAL EVENT
OF THE
MILLENNIUM
You all remember playing the recorder in elementary school! [a recorder resting on a book of sheet music is shown] Well, this Saturday in Oklahoma City [its skyline is shwn], over 4 million third-grade students [a crowd of them is shown] from all over the country [a school bus full of students is shown] will gather in one place, and at the same time, play "My Country 'Tis Of Thee"
MY COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE
on their recorders. [a girl is shown playing a white one] It's the largest third-grade recorder concert ever! [An elderly man instructs three students, one of them in a wheelchair] Special guest conductor Yoko Ono [pictured] and woodwind virtuoso Kenny G [pictured] will lead this fantastic event!
THIS SATURDAY ON
POX
11:00/10:00 C
This Saturday, at 11 Eastern / 10 Central, the world will be watching! [close-up of a small boy playing his recorder]
[South Park Elementary, day, Mr. Garrison's classroom. He rushes to the front of the class and stands next to a pull-down screen on which is projected "My Country 'Tis Of Thee"]
Mr. Garrison: Okay children, we've still got some time to practice the song before we load up the bus and head out for Oklahoma.
Class:: [groaning] Awww.
Mr. Garrison: Now, come on, there's gonna be over 4 million third-graders from all over the country there, and I wanna make sure South Park is the best! Okay?! [raises his baton] Recorders up. [the students set their recorders between their lips] And a-1 and a-2 and a- [the class begins to play the song. Some students play slow] "…of liberty." You're late! [the kids play faster, but are still off] "…my father-" What the hell was that?! [the students lower their recorders] God-damnit, I don't think you children have been working on your fingering!
Cartman: That's not true, Mr. Garrison: Kyle was working on his fingering with his mom all night long.
Kyle: [Kenny laughs] Shut up, fatass!
Cartman: Heh, heh. No, seriously. Kyle's mom says Kyle's getting really good at fingering, heh. [Kenny laughs so hard he falls off his seat]
Mr. Garrison: Shut up, Eric! There's gonna be 4 million children playing this song at the same time on their recorders, and, so help me God, South Park Elementary is not gonna be the only ones that don't know the song! Try again! Recorders up. [the students set their recorders between their lips] And a-1 and a-2 and a- [the class begins to play the song. Mr. Garrison genuflects and bangs his head against his desk. Mr. Mackey walks in, looking at this behavior]
Mr. Mackey: M'kay, that sounded great, kids. [Mr. Garrison looks up at him]
Mr. Garrison: [rising] Sure, if you like the sound of a peacock getting its neck broken.
Mr. Mackey: M'kay, kids. Uh, we have some news. Uh, there's been a terrible flood in Oklahoma, m'kay? So the 4-million-recorder-children's event is being moved to Arkansas.
Mr. Garrison: [close-up. He's suddenly scared] Arkansas?
Stan: What's Arkansas—is that a state?
Mr. Mackey: Eh, the trip shouldn't take any longer, but I'll hand out these updated contact sheets so that your parents will know where you are, m'kay? [hands them out. Craig reads his sheet.]
Mr. Garrison: Mr. Mackey, can I talk to you for a second?
Mr. Mackey: M'kay. [joins Mr. Garrison aside]
Mr. Garrison: Mr. Mackey, um… I can't go to Arkansas. Somebody's gonna have to fill in for me.
Mr. Mackey: What? We can't find anybody to fill in for you. Why can't you go to Arkansas?
Mr. Garrison: [wistfully] Arkansas is where I grew up. My parents live there—my [stifles a sob] …father still lives there.
Mr. Mackey: Well, don't you want to see them?
Mr. Garrison: I haven't seen my father for 23 years.
Mr. Mackey: Uh, perhaps you should sit down, Mr. Garrison, m'kay? [walks him over to a chair and sits him down] Mr. Garrison, I know this is very difficult, m'kay, but I must ask: is there a history of sexual abuse in your family?
Mr. Garrison: …Some, yes. There was my uncle, Richard. He… he molested me.
Mr. Mackey: When was that?
Mr. Garrison: Saturday. Last, last Saturday. He's a paraplegic, but it didn't—
Mr. Mackey: M'kay, eh, and your father? He molested you when you were a boy? [Mr. Garrison begins to cry] Mr. Garrison, I think, when we get to Arkansas, you need to see your father. You need to face this demon in your closet, m'kay?
Mr. Garrison: [turns away] Don't look at me! Uh, y'all go on your bastard trip and just- don't look at me! [hurries out of the classroom crying]
Cartman: That was pretty cool.
Mr. Mackey: M'kay.
[The trip begins. The school bus and a moving van go east. They pass the following signs]
YOU ARE NOW
LEAVING
COLORADO
YOU ARE NOW
ENTERING
KANSAS
[Inside the bus, Mr. Mackey is up front reading a book, Mr. Garrison is in the very back opposite Terrence and the redhead]
Cartman: [with recorder] Okay, how about this one, Kenny? [plays an A note]
Kenny: (Uh-uh.)
Cartman: No? How about this? [plays a G note]
Kenny: (Nope.)
Cartman: Hm, interesting. Let's see: how about this? [plays a Gb note. Kyle and Stan turn around on their seat]
Kyle: Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
Cartman: We're trying to find the brown noise—it's this one pitch, this certain frequency that makes people lose bowel control.
Stan: What's "lose bowel control?"
Cartman: That's a scientific term for crapping your pants.
Kyle: Oh, brother, here we go again. Cartman, there is not a sound frequency that makes people crap their pants!
Cartman: Yes there is! The French experimented with it in World w*r II!
Kyle: Nuh-uh!
Cartman: How about this one, Kenny? [plays an F note]
Kenny: (Nuh-uh.)
Kyle: There is no brown noise, fat boy!
Cartman: That's nice. When I find it I'll just make you crap yourself so you look like Karen Carpenter.
Stan: Who's Karen Carpenter?
Mr. Garrison: Aaaaaah! [apparently, he's seen a sign that reads: "Arkansas 410 miles. Rest Stop 5 miles"] Huhh, ohh, [the students and Mr. Mackey look back.]
Mr. Mackey: Mr. Garrison, are you alright?
Mr. Hat: Mr. Garrison isn't here right now.
Mr. Mackey: M'kay-Mr. Garrison, you're just having a hard time dealing with the memories of your father's sexual abuse, so you switch personalities to Mr. Hat, m'kay?
Mr. Hat: Oh, good one, Sherlock! You figure that out all by yourself?!
Mr. Mackey: M'kay-I think the best thing for Mr. Garrison to do is to go see his father
Mr. Hat: No! No, you moron! [Mr. Mackey gets annoyed] Mr. Garrison can't let the memories end! Just leave us alone!
Mr. Mackey: M'kay! Mr. Hat, you need to let me talk to Mr. Garrison, m'kay?!
Mr. Hat: Why would he want to talk to a second-rate dopey-ass elementary-school psychologist?!
Mr. Mackey: What did you say?!
Mr. Hat: You heard me, jackass! There's monkeys that make better counselors than you!
Mr. Mackey: Why, you son of a bitch! [rips Mr. Hat from Mr. Garrison's hand and starts beating him up. Mr. Hat smacks Mr. Mackey down in front of Terrence, who looks aghast]
Stan: Whoa! Mr. Mackey and Mr. Hat are fighting. [the other students turn to see the fight]
Mr. Mackey: I'm gonna kick your ass, m'kay?! [resumes fighting Mr. Hat]
Students: [cheering] Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Ms. Crabtree: BE QUIET BACK THERE!
Mr. Mackey: Yuh-NO! [panting, dirty and black-eyed, gets up and places Mr. Hat between Mr. Garrison's arms] You may have won this time, Mr. Hat.
[The journey continues. The school bus goes east. It passes the following signs]
Welcome to
MISSOURI
Welcome to
ARKANSAS
Yes! We are a state
[The school bus and its passengers finally reach their destination - a large lot filled with buses and tents, and children]
Mr. Mackey: M'kay, I want everyone to stay together, m'kay? Nobody move!
Coordinator: [a female with clipboard, walking up] School?
Mr. Mackey: Excuse me?
Coordinator: What school are you from?
Mr. Mackey: Oh, uh we're from South Park, Colorado?
Coordinator: Ssss, alright. South Park school, you go over there next to the kids from New York. [distracted by something away from the bus] Nono, don't put the Florida kids in the building! [moves away. The class walks past the New York children]
Tough Guy 1: [sitting on the bus's front right fender] Ey! Look at the little eskimos in their freakin' hats and gloves.
Tough Guy 2: Yeah, huh? [they begin to snicker as the South Park kids look back]
Tough Guy 1: Whoa, look at this kid's coat. [Kenny's] Ey, kid. What's the matter—you a freakin' burn victim or somethin'? What? [the others laugh]
Kyle: [aside, to Stan] Who the hell are these guys?
Tough Guy 1: I didn't know they was invitin' rednecks to this event!
Stan: We're not rednecks!
Kyle: Yeah! That's Texas, butthole!
Tough Guy 1: Oh yeah? Well, you look like a bunch of queefs to me, huh?! [the other New Yorkers laugh]
Cartman: [aside, to Stan, softly] Stan, what's a queef?
Kyle: Kenny?
Kenny: (I don't know!)
Tough Guy 1: Oh, brother! You guys don't even know what a queef is, huh?!
Cartman: Of course we know what a queef is, you queef!
Black kid: [wearing EKKO shirt] Oh yeah? Well, what is it, then?!
Cartman: Aaaa-
Stan: Why?! Don't you know?!
Tough Guy 1: Are all redneck queefs from Colorado as stupid as youse?!
Kyle: Alright, dickhole! [feedback is heard, and all look to the source]
Coordinator: [on bullhorn] I need everyone's attention, please! We will now all be moving in an orderly fashion to our assigned hotels. Please follow your group leader to check in.
Tough Guy 1: [as South Park leaves] Yeah see ya later, queefs! [at least Stan and Kyle are pissed off. They look angry as they look at each other]
[Roman Holiday Inn, night. The four boys share a room with two beds. They sit amid stacks of books looking for information]
Kyle: Ungh, I can't find the word "queef" anywhere! [drops his book]
Stan: [reading another book] Well keep looking! We gotta find out what it means before we see those New Yorker kids again!
Kyle: Well, let's try the dictionary. [picks it up] queasy, Quebec, queen quelch. No queef.
Stan: Damnit! [closes his book]
Cartman: [reading another book, jumps for joy] Hey, I found it, you guys! I found it!
Stan: You did? [the other three gather around]
Kyle: What's it mean?! What's it mean?!
Cartman: I told you guys! Here it is, right here. "The brown noise."
Kyle: Awwgh!
Stan: Damnit Cartman, wha-?!
Cartman: "An oscillation of sound that causes the bowels to loosen." See? That means crap your pants. "The brown noise is believed to be 92 cents below the lowest octave of Eb." What does that mean?
Stan: Who cares? We have to find out what queef means! Keep reading! [he and the other two return to their books and read on]
[Garrison's home town, night. He walks to his former home, his parents' house, in the rain]
Mr. Garrison: [on the walkway, sighs] I can do this. I have to do this. [approaches the door and rings the bell. His father answers] Hello. Dad.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Oh, hello, son.
Mr. Garrison: Can I …come in?
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Ub. Sure, of course. [Mr. Garrison enters] Your mom's out at Bridge Night. You want a beer or somethin'?
Mr. Garrison: No. I don't think that will solve any of our problems, though you seem to think it did.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Uh, what?
Mr. Garrison: I have a lot of demons that I need to face, father. I need to know some things.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Uh, okay, like what?
Mr. Garrison: Alright, alright, let's just cut right to it! [sighs] I've come to ask you about the sexual abuse, dad!
Mr. Garrison Sr.: What??
Mr. Garrison: I have to know why! Right here and now—we're gonna talk about this!
Mr. Garrison Sr.: What the hell are you talking about?! I never sexually abused you!
Mr. Garrison: I know! I wanna know why not?!
Mr. Garrison Sr.: WHAT??
Mr. Garrison: Was it that I was ugly?!
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Oh, my God! [turns around]
Mr. Garrison: I wasn't good enough for you! Was that it, dad?!
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Well, NO!! [walks awwy, but his son rushes up to grab him]
Mr. Garrison: Sure, you can go off and screw any whore on Wyland Street, but when it came to your own son you were just too busy! [runs off crying. Mr. Garrison Sr. can only express shock.]
[The 4 Million Child Blow 2000 lot, next day. Looks like the 4 million kids are assembled]
Coordinator: [Onstage] Alright, everyone, quiet please! There are over 4 million of you, so we must have quiet! At this time I would like to introduce the woman who is making this all possible, Yoko Ono! [motions for Yoko to enter]
Yoko Ono: Please … "My Country 'Tis of Thee."
Coordinator: You heard her, We'll start the rehearsal in a few minutes.
Stan: Those New Yorker kids are gonna be here any second, and we still don't know what queef means.
Kyle: Well, we can still pre-tend like we know what it means.
Stan: No, they'll catch on. Hey, wait a minute. I've got a great idea. Let's make up our own word. We can make up a word, and then use it, …and then they'll act like they know it, and then we'll bust 'em.
Kyle: Yeah. That'll make 'em look stupid!
Stan: What word could we make up?
Kyle: How about… finkleroy?
Stan: No, uhno, not finkleroy.
Cartman: How about geebo, or, or mung?
Stan: Yeah, mung.
Kyle: Mung's good.
Stan: Sh. Here they come. [the New Yorkers arrive]
Tough Guy 1: Well hel-lo there, queefs. All bundled up nice and warm, are we?
Stan: You know what you guys are? You guys are nothing but mung?
Tough Guy 2: We're not mung. You're mung.
Kyle: Oh, so you know what mung means, hunh?
Tough Guy 1: Of course we know what mung means!
Athlete: Yeah, D'ya think we wouldn't know what mung means? [Stan laughs, then Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny join in]
Stan: We busted you!
Kyle: Hyeh. Yeah. Mung isn't even a word! We made it up! [they resume laughing]
Tough Guy 1: You guys are even stupider than I thought! Mung is so a word!
Stan: [the boys stop laughing] It is?
New Yorkers: [behind the two toughs and two others] Yeah. [they turn around]
Athlete: It sure is.
New Yorker 1: Yeah.
New Yorker 2: Uh huh. [turns around]
Tough Guy 1: Yeah! Mung is the stuff that comes out when you push down on a pregnant woman's stomach.
Kyle: [winces] Eewww.
Stan: Ooogh.
Tough Guy 1: You guys didn't know that? [the rest of the New Yorkers turn around and they all laugh. Then, the rest of the 4 million+ kids laugh with them] Come on, guys. Let's get away from these rednecks before we get redneckasitis, or somethin'! [they leave. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny turn on Cartman]
Stan: You dumbass, Cartman!
Kyle: Yeah! Next time you make up a word, don't make up one that already exists!
[The Garrison residence, day. Momma Garrison and her son are sipping coffee on the sofa]
Mrs. Garrison Sr.: It's so nice to see you, son. I'm so proud that you're part of the 4 Million Child Recorder Blow.
Mr. Garrison: Yes. I hope it's okay if I stay here a few nights, Mother, I… I have some things I really need to talk to you about.
Mrs. Garrison Sr.: About what?
Mr. Garrison: [set his cup down and sighs] Mother, did you know that …Dad… never sexually molested me?
Mrs. Garrison Sr.: That… that can't be.
Mr. Garrison: He never did, Mom, not once.
Mrs. Garrison Sr.: [stands] That's not true! Your father loved you! Often!
Mr. Garrison: [stands] He never did, Mom! And I think you knew he never did!
Mrs. Garrison Sr.: [cups her ears and shuts her eyes, spilling her coffee] Nohoho! No! If I knew I would have made him do it!
Mr. Garrison: You stood by and let it happen! You saw him come home drunk and then just go right to sleep!
Mrs. Garrison Sr.: I'm not listening!
Mr. Garrison: Face it, Mother. He never abused me! [his mom starts to cry, and his dad enters the room carrying groceries]
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Uh, what's goin' on?
Mr. Garrison: Mother won't hear the truth!
Mrs. Garrison Sr.: He says you didn't molest him as a child!
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Ah-I didn't! You knew I didn't!
Mrs. Garrison Sr.: No! I didn't know! [cups her ears and shuts her eyes again] I'm not listening!
Mr. Garrison: You can't close your eyes forever, Mother! [she walks away, crying] Mother, wait! [runs after her. Again, Mr. Garrison Sr. is shocked]
[The 4 Million Child Blow 2000 lot, later. Kenny G has joined Yoko Ono and the coordinator onstage]
Yoko Ono: Alright people, how many people has a copy. We must have-a practiced the … song for the performance tomorrow, please.
Coordinator: Okay, children. We need to play closer attention to the sheet music. Remember, if you get lost, just follow along with Mr. Kenny G here.
Cartman: Hey, that's it, Kenny. Maybe Kenny G can show us where 92 cents below the lowest Eb is. Then we'll know the brown noise.
Kenny: (Yeah.)
Yoko Ono: And-a 1 … [the children begin to play, and she covers her ears in agony] O-o-o-o. Stop! Stop … That was-a terrifying! That was-a horrible! What's gotten into you?!
Kyle: What the hell is that lady talking about?
Stan: I have no idea.
[The Garrison gas station. Used to be Garrison and Son, but since Mr. Garrison left, the "Son" has been crossed out. Mr. Mackey walks up to Mr. Garrison Sr., who is changing the oil on a car on blocks]
Mr. Mackey: [bends down and looks in] Uh, Mr. Garrison, Sr.?
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Thuh, that's me.
Mr. Mackey: Uh, my name is Mr. Mackey. I'm your school counselor, m'kay.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: [slides out and rises] What can I do for ya?
Mr. Mackey: Uh-I wanna talk to you about your son—I'm his n-therapist, m'kay.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Uh, brother! Look, I didn't sexually abuse my son when he was younger!
Mr. Mackey: Eh, you didn't?
Mr. Garrison Sr.: No! He's upset because I didn't molest him!
Mr. Mackey: Oh. Hm. Uh, I guess that's a little different.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: A , yeah! He thinks if I don't molest him it means I don't love him.
Mr. Mackey: Well, now, uh, what's he supposed to think, Mr. Garrison? I mean, uh, look at all the media, all the magazine ads and televison ads talkin' about "sexual molestation", m'kay? He sees all that and assumes you didn't molest him because of some flaw in his looks or personality.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: I didn't do it because it's wrong!
Mr. Mackey: I know, I know, but I'm afraid this problem has run very deep through Mr. Garrison's mental state. I'm worried that if… you don't do womething, well it could k*ll him.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Hold on a second: are you actually suggesting that I have sex with my 41-year old son?!
Mr. Mackey: There comes a time in every father's life when he must ask himself, "How far will I go to save my son's life?"
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Well, I won't have sex with him!
Mr. Mackey: Well, I've said all I can say. [walks away, then turns] I know it's difficult, but… family… is about compromises. m'kay? [walks away, then turns] Don't lose your son over this, Mr. Garrison. [emphasizes each syllable] Don't lose… your son, m'kay? [walks out of the station]
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Am I the only sane person left on earth?!
[The Garrison residence, night. Mr. Garrison Sr. is now seated in his armchair watching television. News item:]
Reporter: Tomorrow the whole world will be tuning in as over 4 million children play "My Coutnry 'Tis Of Thee" on their recorders. [Mr. Garrison walks to the stairs behind his father, but stops to watch the report] It is by far the largest gathering of little plastic recorders in human history. Yoko Ono has…
Mr. Garrison: Well, Mom said I could sleep in the guest room tonight. Good night, Dad.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Good night. [Yoko Ono finishes speaking]
Reporter: Words to live by.
Mr. Garrison: [pause] Guess I'll just… go on up to bed now.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Uh huh.
Mr. Garrison: [pause] Now, I don't really have any pajamas—guess I'll just… sleep in my boxers or something.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: [flatly] Should be fine.
Mr. Garrison: [pause] Uh I'll leave the door open a little in case you …need to see me about anything.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Won't be necessary.
Mr. Garrison: [steps up, then turns again] I'll just… be going up to bed now. [pause] Gueh… guess maybe I won't even uhwear those boxers.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: I'm not going to molest you!
Mr. Garrison: You don't love me! [runs upstairs crying] I wanna die!
Mr. Garrison Sr.: God-damnit! [pounds the arms of the chair with his fists, then rises and goes out the door.]
[Roman Holiday Inn, night.]
Stan: I wish we could find a way to get back at those New Yorker kids.
Kyle: Yeah. They think they're so cool.
Cartman: [rushing into the room with Kenny wearing earmuffs] You guys! You guys! We found it! We found it, you guys!
Kyle: Calm down, Cartman.
Stan: You found what?
Cartman: The brown noise! Kenny and me found the brown noise! Here, look! Look. [places some earmuffs on Stan's head] There, okay. Let's see here. [places some earmuffs on Kyle and rushes back to his side of the room] Right there. Okay. Okay. Ready, Kenny?
Kenny: (Ready.) [Stan and Kyle look at each other and Cartman plays a fat bass note. Kenny farts] (Oh, [farts] shiiit. Damnit! Cartman, I've got to go to the bathroom!) [rushes away]
Stan: [incredulous, removes his earmuffs] No way.
Kyle: [removes his earmuffs] I don't believe it!
Cartman: [removes his earmuffs] Um, seriously, you guys! Come on, watch. [leads them outside where a UPS delivery man is offloading packages, and the three put on their earmuffs. He whispers] Okay. [plays that bass note again]
Delivery Man: [farts] Whoa- Oh, my God! [grabs his belly and lets loose a long fart] Aaww, I crapped my pants! [rushes away with a brown stain on the seat of his pants. The boys remove their earmuffs]
Kyle: That's amazing.
Cartman: I told you guys!
Stan: [to Kyle] Dude, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Cartman: That they should bring back Chicago Hope for another season? Totally.
Stan: No! That we could use the brown noise to get back at those assh*le New Yorker kids.
Cartman: Ooooh.
Kyle: Yeah, dude!
Cartman: They should bring back another season of Chicago Hope though, seriously.
ARKANSAS BAR
Cool BEER in HERE
[Night. Mr. Garrison Sr. sits by himself at the bar sipping a glass of beer while others around him chatter. A man in blue shirt approaches him]
Patron 1: Ey, what's the matter there, Garrison? You look kinda sad.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Well, I'm having some troubles at home.
Patron 1: Well, come on. Tell us about it. We always help each other out, don't we, fellas?
Patron 2: [with mustache] Yeah.
Patron 3: [with goatee] Yeah, that's right.
Patron 1: Yeah.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: All right. It's just that… I mean… We're all family men here, right?
Patron 2: Sure!
Patron 3: Yeah we are!
Blond: [at a table] I am. I know that.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Well, can I ask you guys a difficult question?
Patron 1: Absolutely.
Patron 2: Of course.
Patron 4: Yeah, man.
Patron 5: Come on, Garrison!
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Alright. Would you have sex with your son to save his life? [the others ponder the question]
Patron 2: …Oh, this is one of them Scruples questions, ain't it?
Patron 1: Nono, I got a better one: Would you have sex with your mother… to save your father's life?
Patrons: [wondering] Wooo, yeah.
Patron 2: Oh, like if someone had a g*n to your father's head and said, "Have sex with your mother or else I'll sh**t him"?
Patron 1: Yeah.
Patron 2: Oh, that's a tough one.
Patron 3: Hmmm.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: No no wait, uh, you don't understand.
Blond: How about if someone made you have sex with your mother and father to save your own life?
Patrons: No, no, no way. No.
Patron 6: But if it was to save my mother's life, uh-I think I would have to have sex with my father.
Patron 7: Yeup.
Patron 8: Me, too.
Patron 9: Well, I think that goes without saying.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Weh actually, I'm just… talking about a… son.
Patron 8: Well, pesonally, I would have sex with my son to save to save my mother's life. It depends, uh- how big a g*n are we talkin' here?
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Uh, he doesn't have a g*n.
Blond: The father doesn't have a g*n?
Mr. Garrison Sr.: No! Nobody's got a g*n!
Patron 3: I think if someone said, "Have sex with your mother or else I'm gonna k*ll your son," but he didn't have a g*n, I wouldn't do it
Patron 2: He could have a Kn*fe, though.
Patron 1: Yeah.
Patron 3: Sure.
Patron 1: Yeah, a Kn*fe.
Bartender: If a k*ller put a Kn*fe to my throat, and said, "Have sex with your father or else I'm gonna k*ll your mother while having sex with you," …I would have sex with myself.
Patron 1: …Yeah, I would [Mr. Garrison Sr. gets up and heads out the door]
Patron 2: That's right.
Patron 3: Uh huh.
Bartender: That makes sense.
Patron 10: Mm-hm.
Patron 1: Wasn't that right?
Patron 3: Mm, See?
[Roman Holiday Inn, night. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman are back in their room reading the sheet music]
Stan: Howdo we write he note, Cartman?
Cartman: Lowest Eb, let's see. I think it looks like this. [shows it to them on his book]
Stan: Alright. Now all we do is wipe out the last note on their sheet music, and change it to the note Cartman played. [makes the change] Come on. [the boys leave their room again and head for the New York room.] There. [tapes the music to the door. Kyle sticks a small yellow Post-It note saying "Revised Music for Tomorrow" onto the music] That should do it.
Cartman: Sweet. I can't wait to see them crap their pants infront of everybody, you guys.
Stan: Okay, let's get back to the room. [the three walk aff]
Coordinator: [arrives and sees the change] What's this?? [looks more closely at it] "Revised Music for Tomorrow"?? Chip, did you get revised music for tomorrow??
Chip: What??
Coordinator: Ms. Ono has made revisions again! We've got to get these copied 4 million times and make the revisions to the projected music! Come on! Hurry! [hurries away.]
[The Garrison residence, later. Mr. Garrison is asleep in the guest room, which used to be his room. The back door rustles and he wakes up. Footsteps are heard]
Mr. Garrison: [sighs, then softly] Dad? [the door opens to reveal his dad's shadow.] Pop, I'm just fast asleep—I'm not hearing anything. [the shadow moves closer and closer…]
[The Garrison residence, later. Exterior sh*t. Energetic motion is heard inside]
Mr. Garrison: [ecstatic] Oh! Oh! Oh, Dad! Oh, goodness gracious, uh! Oh, stop Dad, stop! Whahawah, whah, how could you-hoo?!
[The Garrison residence, morning. Mr. Garrison is at the front door with his luggage]
Mr. Garrison: [well-rested and confident] Well, Mom, Dad, I guess I'd better be going. The concert is gonna start soon.
Mrs. Garrison Sr.: Are you sure you can't stay one more night, son?
Mr. Garrison: No, I… think all my work here is done. Dad, I… don't know what to say; I feel closer to you than I ever have.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Well, I just hope that NOW we can put the past behind us and, and try to be a normal family again.
Mr. Garrison: We sure can! Well, I've got a worldwide-telecast recerder concert to get to.
Mrs. Garrison Sr.: We'll be watching on TV. Make us proud, son.
Mr. Garrison: I will. [hugs each parent] Good-bye, Mom! Good-bye, Dad! [turns and heads cheerfully out the door] Gray skies are gonna clear up; put on a happy face…
Mrs. Garrison Sr.: You did the right thing, Poppa.
Mr. Garrison Sr.: I didn't do squat! [goes inside and opens a door behind which is Kenny G] Here you go, a hundred bucks. [hands Kenny G the money]
Kenny G. Oh, that's okay. Keep your money. Thanks. [walks out and away]
[The concert is introduced. Live-action sh*ts throughout]
POX PRESENTS
THE MUSICAL EVENT
OF THE
MILLENNIUM
Announcer: Live, from Oklahoma City! [its skyline is shwn] Four million third-grade students [a crowd of them is shown] from all over the country [a school bus full of students is shown] playing "My Country 'Tis Of Thee" on their recorders…
MY COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE
special.
[The 4 Million Child Blow 2000 lot, concert day. The 4 million are assembled. Yoko Ono and Kenny G take the stage]
Stan: Dude, I can't wait 'til those New Yorker kids play the brown noise and crap their pants.
Kyle: We have to watch them! We can't miss it!
Kenny G: Are we all ready to play? [almost whispering] Thanks. Okay. [loudly] Let's see the music! [the music pops up on the stage wall]
Kyle: This is gonna be sweet!
Stan: Oh no, dude. Look! [the projected music is shown] It's the music we changed! [the camera zooms in on the changed note]
Cartman: Uh-oh. [Kenny finally shows up]
Kyle: Dude, if 4 million people play the brown noise at the same time-
Yoko Ono: One, two, sign paytah. [Kenny G starts the tune, then the children join in]
Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman: No! [they rush towards the stage. The other kids continue playing]
Stan: Stop! Stop! [he and the other three are near the stage…]
Mr. Mackey: Uh, aren't those our boys?
Mr. Garrison: Oh, no. What are they doing?
Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman: Noooo!!! [some of the kids part for them, but the end of the song arrives.]
[The kids play the brown noise, Kenny G and Yoko Ono double over in pain. The camera zooms out for a view of the state of Arkansas, then of North America, as people begin to groan. sh*ts of Beijing and Paris follow, with their citizens grabbing their asses in pain. A sh*t of Earth follows, then static. New York City is then shown in flames. An ambulance speeds by as people scream]
Reporter: [soberly] Tom, I'm standing in New York City, but it could just as well be any town on Earth right now. The desolation, the damage is exactly the same in every city the whole world over. It's been just under 20 hours since everyone on Earth pooped their pants, and people still roam their damaged homes with disbelief, and loss. Rick?
Rick: [A cleanup crew is shown at work, and the camera pans over to the reporter] Alan, I'm standing at ground zero. Here, the damage is greater than anywhere. [the stage and the lot are bare, except for poop everywhere] Like the rest of the world, everyone here has crapped their pants. Some [Kenny, with rats nibbling on him] crapped themselves to death. And still others …ruined perfectly good pairs of pants. A nation mourns and tries to rebuild, but the big question that remains is, "How did this happen?" [Stan, Kyle, and Cartman walk by, whistling]
Kenny G.: Well, I see. Other than making everyone in the world crap their pants, our event went over eally well.
Yoko Ono: Wery well?! Wery well?! You're gonna be on Ricki Lake, I tell you again! Look at ??? is she doing very well?!
Mr. Mackey: [the school buses are ready to take all the third graders back to their homes] Alright, come on, everybody. We've got a long bus ride back to Colorado, m'kay? [Stan, Kyle, and Cartman come into view and stop]
Kyle: Well, that whole experience sure did suck.
Stan: Yeah, but you know? I learned something today. We were so worried about how cool we looked to those New Yorker kids that we forgot: we're already totally cool, even if we don't know what queef means. [Kyle and Cartman grin]
Mr. Mackey: [passing by behind them] Uh, queef is a vaginal expulsion of gas, m'kay. [the boys look afraid to know]
Kyle: Huh?
Tough Guy 1: [stopping by with two others] Here they are!
Tough Guy 2: Yeah!
Stan: [to Kyle] Oh, brother. Let's just get out of here.
Tough Guy 1: Ey! Not so fast! We know it was you guys that changed the music and made everyone on Earth crap their pants!
Stan: Uuuuh
Tough Guy 2: Yeah, we knows all about it!
Kyle: Oh, no!
Tough Guy 1: Yeah. Me and the guys, well we was talking, and well, well we just want you to know that we think you're pretty cool.
Kyle: Huh?
Stan: You do?
Tough Guy 1: Sure. I mean, everyone on Earth shit themselves 'cause of you. And that's pretty cool. I mean, that's pretty amazing!
Tough Guy 2: Yeah, we was wrong about you guys. We're sorry.
Cartman: Well, that's fine, that's fine. Next time, just remember that we're all pretty cool on the Westside, too, if you know what I'm saying, 'kay?
Tough Guy 1: Yeah. See you guys later. [the three New Yorkers leave]
Mr. Garrison: Coem on, boys. You're holdin' up the bus. [the boys get on and Kenny G stops by] Oh, wow, look. It's Kenny G himself. Thank you for a wonderful concert, Mr. G.
Kenny G: Huhuh, good- good-bye. [hugs and kisses him]
Mr. Garrison: M-m-m. [Kenny G releases and walks away] Oh, well, thank you! [steps towards the bus, then stops] You know, it's funny: you kiss just like my dad. [steps into the bus and faces the driver] Well, Ms. Crabtree, this certainly has been a great trip. Let's head home.
Ms. Crabtree: Which way should we go?
Mr. Garrison: Second star to the right, and straight on 'til morning. [Ms. Crabtree starts the bus and drives as day fades into night. It goes over a rise and blinks out of view.]
[End of Worldwide Recorder Concert] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "03x17 - Worldwide Recorder Concert"} | foreverdreaming |
[The Cartman house. Liane is sipping her coffee on the sofa. She lowers it as Cartman screams]
Cartman: Mom! MOOOM! Mom! [races down the stairs in pajamas, cap and coat in the right hand and two dollars in the left one, and stops at Liane's feet] Seriously! Something wonderful has happened!
Liane: What is it, snookums?
Cartman: Mom, look! The tooth fairy! I put a tooth under my pillow, and she gave me two dollars! [shows them off] She's only given me a lousy quarter before!
Liane: Oh my! She must think that you are a very special little muffin.
Cartman: [hops onto the sofa] Yeah! This is so tits!
Liane: Don't say "tits," Eric.
Cartman: Oh, I mean, this is so cool!
Liane: Well, then, now you should take that money and open up a savings account that has compounded daily interest.
Cartman: Heh, you can compound daily my ass with interest, Mom; I'm goin' to the toy store and buy me a skateboard! [dons his coat]
Liane: But Eric, I think maybe the tooth fairy wants you to use that money to learn about saving.
Cartman: Mom, you don't know what the tooth fairy wants me to do with this money, okay? You're not the tooth fairy! I'll see you later! [turns and walks out] Aw, man, this is so tits!
[The bus stop. Stan, Kyle and Kenny stand around]
Cartman: [off camera, heard running up] Hey you guys! You're not gonna believe this! [Stan and Kyle look at each other, then at Cartman] Oh my God, you guys, seriously! [runs around them] Just wait until you hear this, you guys! I'm rich! I'm totally rich! [turns to face them] Aren't you stoked?!
Stan: What the hell's wrong with Cartman?!
Kyle: He's fat and he's stupid?
Cartman: [pants, then] Look what the tooth fairy left me last night! [presents the two dollars]
Stan: Two dollars!
Kyle: No way!
Stan: For one tooth?
Cartman: For one tooth.
Stan: Dude, every time I lost a tooth I only got a quarter.
Kyle: I only got a jar of gifelte fish.
Cartman: Well, that doesn't matter, because I have an idea that is totally tits.
Kyle: …Totally what?
Cartman: Look, I don't know why the tooth fairy's being so cool to me. Maybe she's hot for me. I don't know, but if we all chip in with teeth, then I can hide them under my pillow and we could get enough money to buy a [stretches the words] Sega Dreamcast.
Stan, Kyle, Kenny: Sega Dreamcast??
Cartman: All we need is teeth.
Stan: I already lost all my baby teeth.
Kyle: Me too. [Kenny says nothing, so the others look at him]
Kenny: [covers his mouth] (Nuh-uh.)
Kyle: You still have baby teeth, Kenny?
Kenny: (No way!)
Cartman: [moves to Kenny's side] Kenny, think about it. Don't you want a [stretches the words] Sega Dreamcast?
Kenny: [punctuates] (No I don't! Thank you.)
Cartman: [ignoring the answer] Alright! Kenny's in, you guys! Tits!
[The school yard. Stan ties Kenny to a tetherball pole. The string leads off to the right]
Stan: Okay, the string is tied to Kenny's tooth. You ready over there?
Kyle: [at the other end, tying the string to a wheelchair] Almost. You ready, Timmy?
Timmy: [the boy in the wheelchair] Timmiihh!
Kyle: When I say "go," you slam your electric wheelchair into high gear. Okay, Timmy?
Timmy: Timmiihh!
Kyle: Right. You're Timmy.
Timmy: Timmiihh! Lemmeouttaheah!
Kenny: (Why the f*ck does it have to be my tooth?)
Cartman: I'll tell you why it has to be you, Kenny: because your family is poor, and therefore has bad oral hygiene, so your teeth are gonna fall out someday, anyway. If you think about it, you should actually be thanking us. [tugs on Kenny's hood] "Oh, thank you, guys." You're welcome, Kenny.
Kenny: [punctuates] (f*ck you!)
Kyle: Alright! Get ready, Timmy.
Timmy: Timmiihh!
Butters: [walks up] Heh-hey guys, uh, wu-what are you doin'?
Stan: What does it look like we're doing, Butters? We need a tooth, so we're using Timmy's wheelchair to pull out one of Kenny's.
Butters: Oh. Heh, I got a loose tooth right here. [draws it from his pocket]
Stan, Cartman: You what?
Kenny: (You what?)
Timmy: Timmih-
Butters: Yyep. Oo-one of mine came out not two hours ago.
Stan: Uh, Butters, could we have it?
Butters: Wwell, heck no! Uh you can't have it. Why, I'm gonna stick it under- my pillow and get money from the tooth fairy. She gives me fifty cents a tooth.
Timmy: Ha-a-ugh.
Butters: Well, uh, see ya, fellas. [walks away]
Kyle: [walks up to Stan] Dude, maybe we don't have to rip a tooth out of Kenny's mouth.
Stan: Yeah, we just have to get Butters' tooth.
Kenny: (Woohoo!)
Cartman: How are we gonna get it from him?
Stan: I guess we'll have to sneak into his house after he goes to sleep tonight.
Kyle: Yeah, let's go. [the group begins to move when]
Timmy: Go! Timmy go! [revs up, pulling Kenny] Yeah, Timmy! [drives until he runs out of string, then is jerked back]
Kyle: No, Timmy, wait!
Timmy: Engh go uh Timmy! [the string goes taut, and Kenny's face protrudes from his hood]
Kenny: (Hey, guys!) [yanked from his suit into the air] (Heey-ungh) [lands naked in front of Cartman] (Oowww.)
Cartman: Hahahahahaha. Hey, you guys, I can see Kenny's pengling, hahahahahaha.
Timmy: Hu-aah!
[A house, night. Butters is asleep in his room. A pole rises outside with a grinning Cartman dressed as a tooth fairy dangling from it]
Cartman: Higher, you guys.
Stan: [struggling with the pole with Kyle and Kenny] Jesus Christ, why did we pick the fat guy to lift up in there?
Cartman: [bumps into the window] Agh! Careful, you assholes! [opens the window] To the left, you guys, left. [is moved to his left] No, camera left, camera left! [is moved in the other direction, towards Butters' head] That's it, now down. [is lowered, then reaches for the pillow]
Butters: [wakes up] What the-? [rubs his eyes] Who's there? Who is that?!
Cartman: [in falsetto] I am the tooth fairy, my child.
Butters: Hoh. Sorry, Miss Fairy. I didn't mean to gaze at you. I'm back to sleep now, see? [squeezes his eyelids shut]
Cartman: Sure. Now I will leave you tidings under your pillow. [reaches under and grabs Butters' tooth, then beholds the treasure. He then places some money under the pillow as Butters sneaks a peek.]
Butters: [as Cartman withdraws] Well, oh gosh, I, I didn't think you'd be so fat.
Cartman: Ey!
Kyle: Come on, fatass!
Cartman: Do not open your eyes until morning. [Butters has then shut real tight; Cartman tugs in the rope and is pulled out of the room] Or else I will kick you in the nuts. [drops down] Square in the nuts.
Butters: Yuh, yu-yes ma'am!
Stan: Well?
Cartman: Bull's eye!
[Cartman's house, later. He's being tucked in bed]
Liane: Tucky tucky time, it's the best time of the night.
Cartman: I love that song, Mom. Sing it again.
Liane: No, honey, Mommy's gotta save her throat. I have to work tonight.
Cartman: Okay.
Liane: Good night. [heads for the door. Cartman settles in and is about to place the tooth under the pillow] What do you have there, Eric?
Cartman: Another tooth fell out today; I'm leavin' it for the tooth fairy.
Liane: Oh, my. The tooth fairy will have to give you a big surprise for losing two teeth in two days.
Cartman: I know, huh?
[The bus stop, next morning. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are there]
Cartman: You guys! Oh my God, you guys! You're not gonna believe it! It's beyond rational thought, you guys! [runs around them counterclockwise] Holy crap, you guys! I mean-
Kyle: Did the tooth fairy come?
Cartman: Four dollars. [the other three answer at the same time]
Stan: Oh my God!
Kyle: Four dollars?
Kenny: (Oh, my God!)
Cartman: Do you what this means?
Stan: Yeah. We just gotta keep finding teeth and putting them under your pillow. [he and Kyle grin]
[Dentist office, some days later. A phone rings]
A Dentist: [answering] Dentist office.
Liane: Oh. Eh-hello, Dr. Roberts? It's Ms. Cartman.
Dr. Roberts: Oh, yes, Ms. Cartman. What can I do for you?
Liane: Well, it's my son. He's lost a lot of his baby teeth, and I was starting to get worried.
Dr. Roberts: Well, losing baby teeth is a natural thing, Ms. Cartman. How many has he lost?
Liane: About a hundred and twelve.
Dr. Roberts: …A hundred and twelve.
Liane: Yes. Fifteen of them in one night. Perhaps he should switch toothpaste?
Dr. Roberts: Your son wouldn't happen to be an "alligator," would he? No? Hm, I see. Well, I'm afraid I can't help you right now. The American Dental Association convention is this week, but, as soon as I get back, I'll look into it.
Liane: O-oh, thank you. Freebie next week. [hangs up]
Dr. Roberts: What?
[Cartman's room, dawn. He rises and throws his pillows off the bed]
Cartman: Tih- [the tooth he placed under his pillow is still there] Tooth? [picks it up and looks at it in disbelief] What the hell? Mom!
Liane: [rushes in] Yes, Eric
Cartman: You know, the tooth fairy forgot to bring me money last night! Call the police!
Liane: Oh. Eric, poopie, sit down. [Cartman sits] Mommy has something to tell you. It's just that- well, there is no tooth fairy, Eric. I've been putting all that money under your pillow, and because you got so many teeth fall out, I've actually run out of money and can't go to the grocery store for at least a month.
Cartman: [laughs] You almost had me for a second there, Mom, heh. "There's no tooth fairy." I suppose you're gonna tell me there's no Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, or Jesus, either, heh, heh… [mother and son sit silently for a while] M- Mom?
Liane: I'm sorry, Eric. All children find out sooner or later.
Cartman: Yi- you're serious here. There really is no tooth fairy?
Liane: No, honey. It's just-
Cartman: How could-? How could you lie to me, Mother? Lie right to my face?
Liane: Oh, Eric, it's just part of being a child.
Cartman: How can I trust you? [hops off the bed] How can I trust anyone ever again, Mother? I guess, uh to make it through this life, I can only trust myself. [tugs at his pajama shirt] Myself and Willikins Bear, of course.
Liane: Eric! Eric, wait!
Cartman: [covers his ears] No, Mother! No more lies! [runs out of his room and shuts the door]
[The Cartman house. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny wait. Cartman exits and walks down the street upset, ignoring his friends]
Stan: [he and the others follow] Dude, where's the money?
Cartman: [flatly] There is no money.
Kyle: No more money??
Stan: What are you talking about, Cartman?! We're only $167 away from gettin' a Sega!
Cartman: I know!
Kyle: Cartman, what's going on?!
Cartman: [stops, then faces them sadly] You guys… [turns away] Oh, God, I don't even know how to tell you this.
Stan: Tell us what?!
Cartman: [faces them again] You guys, there's… there's no tooth fairy, you guys. There, I said it. [turns away again]
Kyle: What do you mean, "there's no tooth fairy?"
Cartman: My mom has been giving me the money all this time, and your parents are the ones who left you money.
Stan: Dude.
Kyle: That can't be. My parents wouldn't lie to me.
Cartman: But now my mom has given us so much money that she's bankrupt, and we're poor, like Kenny. [Kenny approaches him and reaches out, but Cartman bushes him off] Don't touch me, Kenny. [Kenny steps back]
Kyle: [approaches] You're wrong. If my dad says something is real, then it's real!
Cartman: Kyle, open your eyes, man!
Kyle: It's not true! [runs away]
[The Broflovski house. Kyle enters the living room. Gerald is on the sofa reading the newspaper]
Gerald: [lowers his paper] Oh, hello, son. [Kyle turns to face him]
Kyle: Dad, there is so a tooth fairy, huh?
Gerald: What? Oh. Kyle, let's have a little talk. [puts down his paper]
Kyle: [suddenly alarmed] Oh my God! You did lie to me.
Gerald: No. Kyle, she's just make-believe. Like Peter Pan.
Kyle: [looking aghast] Peter Pan, too??
Gerald: Kyle…
Kyle: What about Moses and Abraham?
Gerald: Well, they were probably real.
Kyle: Probably?! Is Atlantis real??
Gerald: Probably not.
Kyle: [frightened] Wahahahah!
Gerald: Look, Kyle, adults make up those things because they're fun for children.
Kyle: Fun for children?! Fun for children?! Look at me, Dad! I don't even know what's real anymore! Weaaaah! [runs out the door]
[The town. The boys less Stan sit at a curb moping]
Cartman: Man, I can't believe all our parents lied to us about the tooth fairy.
Kyle: What about Dan Rather? Do you think he's real?
Cartman: No, man, that's just a TV show.
Stan: [rushing up] You guys! You guys! I figured it out!
Cartman: What? That your parents lied to you, too?
Stan: Yeah, but, it's okay! We can still get our Sega Dreamcast!
Cartman: How?
Stan: Look, the tooth fairy is all made up, right?
Kyle: All made up. Not real. Nothing's real.
Stan: So all we have to do is go to a really rich kid's house, put our tooth under his pillow, wait for his parents to leave him a whole buttload of money, and then sneak back in and take it!
Kenny: (Woohoo!)
Stan: The kid will never even know.
Cartman: Oh, dude, that is tits! I mean, that is big fat Oprah tits right there!
Kyle: Oh my God, what if I'm not real?
Stan: We can take the bus to the city. There's super-rich people down there!
Cartman: Yeah. [leaves with Stan and Kenny]
Kyle: I mean, what if I'm just part of my parents' reality?
Stan: [returns] Come on, Kyle! [grabs him and pulls him along]
Kyle: What if this is all just somebody's dream?
[Cherry Creek, the wealthiest neighborhood in Colorado, night. The bus pulls up to a curb and drops the boys off in front of a three-story mansion]
Cartman: Wow, look at the size of these houses!
Stan: Totally, dude. Cherry Creek is the richest part of Denver. I'll bet these kids get at least ten bucks a tooth from the [raises his hands to make quotes] "Tooth Fairy."
Cartman: Hey, [points across the street] that house looks perfect. There's obviously kids living there. [the boys head for a rambling ranch house. They skip the front door and head for the back]
Stan: [A window with stickers on it and a bush underneath is shown] There. You can tell this is the kid's window 'cause it's got Mega Man stickers on it. Cartman, once you're in the kid's room, leave the tooth under the pillow, then come back out. We'll wait for the parents to see it and leave money, then swing you back in the house to grab it.
Cartman: Got it. [Stan and the others lift Cartman up.]
Stan: This is the smartest business venture ever. [Cartman is placed into position, but a blond kid swinging from another pole is lifted into position opposite him]
Cartman: What the-? [the camera peels back to show another group of kids on the other side of the bush]
Stan: Hey, what the hell are you guys doing?!
Boy 1: [with somewhat spiky hair] We're gonna sneak a tooth under this rich kid's pillow, then come back and collect the tooth fairy money that his parents leave him.
Stan: …Hey, you can't do that!
Boy 2: [with cowlick] Why not?!
Stan: Because that's what we're doing!
Cartman: Yeah! You ripped off our idea!
Boy 2: What the hell are you talking about?! We've been doing this for over two years!
Kyle: Two years?
Blond: Nice tooth fairy costume. You think anybody'd believe you in that?!
Cartman: It's better than your dress! You look like a bad Jennifer Lopez nightmare!
Blond: How dare you! [he and Cartman start fighting in midair]
Boy 1: Look, this is our turf! You'd better scram before the Boss breaks your legs!
Stan: You scram! We were here first!
Rich kid: [having heard the ruckus, opens the window] What's going on? [Cartman and the blond stop and look] Oh! It's the tooth fairies!
Boy 2: Oh, nice going! Now you woke him up! [the blond is lowered]
Stan: You woke him up! [Cartman is lowered]
Rich kid: I don't have any loose teeth, Miss Fairies but I have been a very good boy.
All: Shut up!
Boy 1: Alright, that does it! Come on, we're going to see the Boss!
Stan: Who's the Boss?
Boy 1: Loogie.
[Loogie's Ristorante. The light above the door is the one that flickers]
Loogie: [enjoying a plate of spaghetti and meatballs, he's dressed for business] My associates here tell me you were working Cherry Creek tonight. Is that true?
Stan: Uuh, yeah.
Boy 1: Right on our turf, Boss! I ain't ever seen that kind of disre- [Loogie raises his right palm] Erp.
Cartman: We were there first!
Loogie: [hops off his chair and walks to the portrait gallery] Kids have been doing the tooth fairy racket in this town for years. [points to each picture as he traces the line of succession] I do it just like my big brother before me, and my oldest brother before that.
Stan: Damnit! And we thought we were so original!
Loogie: Let me ask you something: You were gonna sneak a tooth under this rich kid's pillow? Then what?
Stan: Well, uh-what do you mean?
Loogie: How are the kid's parents gonna know there was a tooth under their child's pillow? [the boys stay silent]
Boy 1: Ha! You guys don't even know how the tooth trade works!
Stan: What's a "tooth trade?"
Loogie: Look, any shmuck can sneak through a window wearing a pretty dress. The tooth racket is much more involved. [a street overlay showing kids at work in the neighborhood appears. A kid dispatcher sends them off] We keep careful track of what houses we've h*t so that we don't h*t the same one twice in less than two months. [the tooth fairy enters a window with another kid] Inside the house we not only have to sneak a tooth under the pillow, but leave a note for Mom and Dad to see. [this other kid places the note on John's bedroom door]
DEAR
TOOTHFAIRY,
I LOST A TOOTH!
I PUT IT UNDER
MY PILLOW!
This is how we let the parents know to leave money under the pillow. [the fairies ride through the neighborhood on their bikes] Once the note is in place in the last house, we start all over, going back to the first house. But this time, all we have to do is collect money. [sh*ts of the tooth fairies cleaning up] And the kids never know what h*t 'em.
The South Park boys: Wow!
Loogie: The hardest part is getting teeth. We tried various places. Cemeteries [Loogie's boys disinter a corpse and pull at its teeth], hockey games [two hockey players collide and one of them smacks the other one. A boy skates out and retrieves the loose tooth], anywhere we can find them [A b*at-up boy is tied to a chair in a warehouse. The boy with the spiky hair is about to strike him with a mallet]
b*at-up Boy: Nooo! [the mallet heads for his…]
Loogie: The teeth we do manage to acquire are then sorted according to size, color, and quality. [like gems, they are sent to conveyor belts to be sorted by lab technicians] But there's never enough teeth. Never enough.
Stan: Amazing.
Cartman: Man, that is tits!
Loogie: And now my only problem is, what do I do with you? [the boys are alarmed]
Boy 1: Rowwr!
Loogie: Tell you what: how would you like to run the South Park tooth racket for me?
Stan: Oh. Uh-I don't know.
Loogie: It's that, or else I can cut off your penises. [motions with his Kn*fe]
Cartman: Hm. Work for you, have my penis cut off. Work for you, have my penis cut off. Hm's see…
Kyle: Cartman!
Stan: How much do we get if we work for you?
Loogie: I'll cut you in at 2%.
Cartman: Two percent, have my penis cut off. [Kyle gets mad at him] Two percent-
Stan: We're in!
[American Dental Association, a gleaming skyscraper, day. Then the interior is shown, with all the dentists assembled. Dr. Roberts speaks]
Dr. Roberts: Fellow dentists: As you all know, we are still having numerous reports of missing teeth from all over the country. There are also reports of missing tooth fairy money. We believe that there can be only one logical reason for all of this. [presses a button to reveal a projection] A giant half-chicken/half-squirrel [shown sitting on a tree stump] that steals either teeth or money from children as they sleep in order to build some kind of giant nest [the chicken-squirrel feeds its young] for its genetically superior and potentially dangerous offspring! We believe also that this creature would have at least a mild understanding of algebra [the chicken-squirrel tries to solve a basic problem], and that it-
Dentist: [stands] Uh, excuse me? I think I have a more logical theory.
Dr. Roberts: …Yeah. Weh well, by all means, Mr. Foley, enlighten us!
Mr. Foley: I think what we've got here is some kind of black-market tooth racket. Something where one group is stealing the money and teeth from another group for a profit. [the rest of the doctors, including the ADA head, laugh at him]
Dr. Roberts: Oh, Mr. Foley, you realize how ridiculous that sounds.
Mr. Foley: It's not ridiculous. It's very possible. I've seen it happen before.
Dr. Roberts: Where?!
Mr. Foley: In Montreal. [the rest of the convention laughs louder]
Dr. Roberts: And where, pray, is this "Montreal"?!
Mr. Foley: [determined] Look, I know how to handle this. All we have to do is bring down the kingpin and the rest will fall. You'll see! I'll have it taken care of in a matter of weeks!
Dr. Roberts: Uhyub-dub very well, Mr. Foley, you go on your wild goosechase and meanwhile, we'll deal with the real problems at hand. [points at the chicken-squirrel]
Mr. Foley: Well, I will! [leaves his seat and heads out the door]
Dr. Roberts: [chuckles] Anyway, the half-chicken/half-squirrel would most likely be about three to four-and-a-half feet tall. His large beak is probably detachable, and works as a flotation device.
[South Park Elementary, day. Lunchtime in the cafeteria]
Boy: [off-camera] Here! Here, over here, look! Look what I got- I got from the chef! [the main cafeteria doors fly open and in walk the foursome. Kenny is dressed in a baby-blue suit with hat and cane, Cartman wears a floor-length tiger-fur coat, Stan wears a formal blue suit, and Kyle wears a book- reads a book and wears a black suit. As they walk through the cafeteria kids turn and stare. Among them are Bebe, Butters, and Wendy. The boys enter the kitchen]
Chef: Hello there, children.
The Boys: Hey, Chef.
Stan: We all want double-desserts today!
Chef: Oh. Well, uh, I'm afraid that the school charges extra for that.
Cartman: Yeah? Well, that ain't nothin' but a thang. [tosses Chef a wad of bills]
Chef: [surprised, fumbles with the wad] Oh my God! There has got to be at least fifteen dollars here!
Cartman: That's right. Keep the change, my man.
Chef: Well! Look at you cute little crackers! With your money and your fancy clothes and your cell phones, it's almost like you were- [realizes where this is headed] Oh my God, children! What have I told you about drugs?!
The Boys: That there's a time and a place for everything, and it's called "college."
Chef: That's right. And the only thing worse than doin' drugs is dealin' drugs! I'm gonna tell you about when I was your age and got offered drugs. [A flashback to Chef's 8th year. He's walking down the street with his little girlfriend, a Hawaiian wearing a flower in her hair]
Little Chef: Ooo, come on, now.
Kid 1: [all in blue] Hey, kid. You wanna try some dope?
Girl: What?
Kid 1: Come on, kid. Don't you wanna get high?
Little Chef: Hey, man, I don't need dope. Let me sing you a little song:
I can't wait until I grow up
and my weenie get and strong
'Cause when it does I'm gonna bust
And make love to Amanda all night long
I'm gonna make love to Amanda in about ten years!
Kid 3: [olive complexion] What?
Kid 2: [with the A shirt] What the hell is he talking about?
Little Chef: [to Amanda, who's surprised] And that toothpick is gonna turn into an oak tree,…
Stan: U-uh, Chef.
Little Chef: I'ma knock you down, knock you up,…
Stan: Chef!
Little Chef: …knock you over, and knock you all around.
Stan: CHEF!
Chef: Uh?
Stan: We're not dealing drugs!
Chef: You're not?
Stan: No!
Chef: Oh, uh weh-ell, children, whatever you're doin', just remember this: havin' money may seem fun, but… [tries to find a moral] Ooh, uh-oh, never mind.
The Boys: Thanks, Chef. [they leave]
Kyle: See ya.
Chef: Damn, that little Amanda was fine! I'm gonna look her up. [reaches under the counter for a phone and dials away]
[The boys return to the cafeteria with their food]
Stan: Dude, having this much money is great! Working for Loogie rules!
Cartman: Yeah, but you know, why do we need Loogie? We know how the trade works: why don't we do it ourselves and keep all the profit?
Stan: We can't do that, dude. Loogie will kick our asses.
Cartman: Oh, what the hell is that little Pollack gonna do, huh? Come on, you guys. I say we create our own mob crime family!
Kyle: [still reading] Dude, this book says there could be infinite alternate realities to every reality.
Cartman: Sure, Kyle.
[Loogie's restaurant, night. Loogie's talking to someone on his cell phone at table]
Loogie: They're what?! They're not gonna pay me? Who the hell do they think they are? I want those South Park kids d*ad! I want their families d*ad! I want their houses b*rned to the ground! [Mr. Foley enters; Loogie hangs up and does a falsetto] Oh, hi there, Mister. My mommy and daddy are out front, if you need 'em.
Mr. Foley: Let's cut the crap, kid. My name is Tom Foley. I'm with the American Dental Association.
Loogie: Sit down, Mr. Foley. Do you want some spaghetti?
Mr. Foley: [sits] No thanks, I just brushed. I just wanted to let you know that I'm onto you.
Loogie: I told the ADA a thousand times: I know nothing about teeth. I'm just an 8-year-old boy who likes climbing trees and playing in puddles.
Mr. Foley: I am going to find out who the boss is! And when I do I'm gonna bust his ass and everyone's ass who helped hide his ass! [having run out of things to say, he turns and walks out. Loogie resumes eating]
[Cartman's house, day, living room. He is seated behind a desk talking to a boy]
Cartman: So, you've brought me 400 lbs. of teeth from China.
Odd Boy: [an anxious kid with oval head and big eyes] That's right, yeah [plops the bag on the desk] . It's all top-grade stuff, too.These Chinese kids are selling their teeth for peanuts, see?
Cartman: [takes a scope out and analyzes a tooth] How much?
Odd Boy: Well, huh, Tang Li wants 30, but, but I can cut you a deal for 28, yeh ha, buh. Heh, ha-buh, what do you say, huh? [smiles]
Cartman: Can I ask you a question, Weasel?
Weasel: [the odd boy] Awuh, hawuh, why, sure, sure.
Cartman: [rests his scope] Do you think I'm an idiot?
Weasel: Huh?
Cartman: These are cat teeth, you sonofabitch! You trying to sell me 400 lbs. of cat teeth?! [Weasel starts acting like a monkey. Kyle is seen reading another book] Get out of my sight! [Weasel hops off the chair and splits] Lousy little scum! [the phone rings] What?!
Boy 2: [on the phone. His mates have Kenny on a bridge railing, ready to dump him] This is your last chance, kid! Either you give the boss his cut, or else we're gonna throw your pal into the river wearing concrete galoshes!
Cartman: I ain't giving you crap! Kenny's not afraid of you! [hangs up]
Kyle: Oh my God, this book says that negative and positive are the same thing; that real and not real are one.
[The river. Boy 2 hangs up]
Boy 2: He's not gonna do it?!
Kenny: (He's not gonna do it?!) [looks over as Boy 2 places a call]
Boy 2: He's not gonna do it, boss!
Loogie: Well then, throw him in. [Boy 2 gives the signal]
Boy 1: Alright, kid. Time to die. [he and his partner each grab a hold of an arm]
Kenny: (No! Nono! No! Don't do this! Nononooo!) [the two boys shove him off. Kenny lands in the river, but hits bottom before even getting wet. He looks down and attempts a few steps. The others look down from the bridge.]
Boy 2: Oh, man, how deep is the Platte River?
[News report, night]
Anchor: …to which Ms. Clinton replied, "I don't even like Vagina." Finally tonight, a human-interest story. Dan Akawa is live.
Dan Akawa: [field reporter, next to a family] Thanks, Tom. I'm here at the house of little Billy Circlovich, um. Billy is in desperate need of a bone-marrow transplant [Billy strokes his nose] or he will most certainly die. [addresses the boy] Billy, how much more money do you need for the transplant? [puts the mic in front of Billy]
Billy: [almost whispering] Sih, six hundred dollar-. [the reporter jerks the mic away]
Dan Akawa: Louder, Billy, we can't hear ya!
Billy: [trembling] Duh six hundred dohollars.
Dan Akawa: Well, that's a lot of money.How the hell are you gonna get all that in the short amount of time you have left?
Billy: Well, I a-I don't know.
Dan Akawa: Well, Billy, I also understand that you lost a tooth today.
Billy: Yehahah.
Dan Akawa: Billy, we want you to put that tooth under your pillow tonight, because we have a feeling that the tooth fairy [points to Billy's parents and winks at the camera] is going to leave you six hundred dollars for it!
Billy: Really?
Mr. Circlovich: Really?
Dan Akawa: Yes, really. [hands Dad the money; he passes it to Mom. Billy grins] Six hundred dollars. I might also mention that Billy lives in Crestview Apartments, just off Arapaho Road on Emporia Street. Back to you, Tom. [print!] How was that?
Mr. Foley: [standing with two other dentists and the field crew] Perfect. The trap is set.
Cameraman: Naw, come on. D'ya really think anyone will fall for somethin' that stupid?
[The Cartman house. Cartman is in a hot tub, Stan and Kyle sit nearby]
Cartman: Six hundred dollars, you guys! Come on, get your stuff together! [leaves the tub] This is gonna be tits!
Kyle: [to Stan] Dude, this book says I don't exist unless I think I do. But what if I don't?
Cartman: [returns] Will somebody take those books away from him?
[The Circlovich house, night. A Rotary Phone Service van sits out front. Switch to Billy's room. Dad hides the $600 behind his back while Mom talks to Billy]
Mrs, Circlovich: Be sure to put your loose tooth under your pillow, Billy.
Billy: Okay-y, Mom. [turns and hops on the bed. Outside, a periscope rises from the van roof and looks around]
Mr. Foley: [in the van, moves the viewer aside] Thank you for helping out, gentlemen. [walks up to the other dentists and a technician] If this sting operation works, some bogus tooth fairies should be showing up to take the sick kid's money. When they touch the kid's pillow, an alarm will sound, and that's when you h*t the button, Murphy, and activate the lights. Everybody got it?
Dentists: Got it.
Murphy: [the technician, acting dumb] Duuuh, which button do I h*t again, boss? [Foley isn't laughing, so Murphy chuckles] Just kidding. You know how there's always the dumb guy in sting operations in the movies? I was, you know I was actin', I was actin' like him, eheh, oh.
[The highway, night. Cartman, Stan, and Kyle walk along a path paralleling the highway. Cartman is dressed as the tooth fairy.]
Cartman: Hurry up, you guys. We've gotta get that sick kid's tooth fairy money before Loogie does.
Kyle: I can't deal with it, Stan. I mean, all the stuff I've been reading; I really don't think I exist!
Stan: Dude, just stop thinking about it.
Kyle: But I can't, because, what if thinking about it is the only thing keeping my space-time together? [the boys pass the Platter River]
Kenny: [still in the river in the distance] (You guys! You guys, over here! …Hey!)
Kyle: Sometimes I think I can see time slowing down, [(Heeyy!!)] and my own existence fading.
[The Circlovich house, the van.]
Billy: [heard in the van] G'night, Mom. G'night, Dad.
Mr. Foley: Alright. Everyone, keep your eyes peeled. [everyone suits up in riot gear. Cartman, Stan, and Kyle arrive at Billy's bedroom. Cartman is quickly hoisted up as Billy's parents come to kiss him]
Billy: I'm going to bed now, Mommy. I put my tooth under the pillow. Do you really think the tooth fairy will give me money for the transplant?
Mr. Circlovich: I think so, Billy. I think so.
Billy: Well, I can't wait to feel healthy and strong again.
Cartman: [thinking aloud] Yeah, well, you're gonna have to wait a little bit longer, Billy, 'cause that 600 bucks is mine!
Kyle: Light is a wave unless it's observed? That means all matter is just a wave. [Cartman opens the window and floats in grinning] Nothing's real! Reality in a nuh- Oh God, it's happening! [begins to disappear]
Stan: [noticing the silence] Kyle?
Murphy: Eh something strange is happening with the computers. [Stan looks at the space in which Kyle once stood]
Loogie: [shows up with his mob] Well, well, well. What do we have here?
Stan: [notices] Aw, shit.
Loogie: Did you bastards really think you could hide from me forever? Kolovski [Boy 1 steps forward], put this buttwipe out of his misery. [Kolovski reaches into his jacket]
Cartman: [retrieves the cash] I got it!
Billy: [opens his eyes and rises] The tooth fairy! [the alarms go off.]
Mr. Foley: Let's move out! [exits the van with the other dentists]
Loogie: Aw, drat! [the dentists close in]
Mr. Foley: Give it up, kids. You're surrounded by dentists.
Loogie: It was a trap!
Mr. Foley: That's right. And now it's all exposed! You're through! The only thing left to do is to haul all you kids down to prison! [the other dentists move in closer]
A voice: This is reality! I am everywhere [Kyle's head, undulating, appears], and nowhere.
Mr. Foley: What the hell?
Cartman: Kyle?
Kyle: I am nothing, and everything.
[Everything and everyone begin to undulate with Kyle's head and scream and groan. Next, Kyle's fetus (with hat) is seen floating against a starry sky. Then, his head flies over a desert, and images from his past clock in: a deer, a skip-loader, a mailbox, a slice of Swiss cheese. Back at Billy's house, the images are: Kyle's head, a boombox, Kyle's head, a frog, Kyle's head, a cow, Kyle's head, a tricycle, Kyle's head, a four-assed monkey, Kyle's head. The half-chicken/half-squirrel shows up as Kyle's head disappears for the last time, and scares everyone]
Dr. Roberts: Well, I told you! [the chicken-squirrel goes after the dentists, and the kids disperse]
Mr. Foley: Let's get outta here! [leaves with his group. Everyone scatters. Stan, Cartman, and Loogie remain in the backyard, and Billy grins with the $600 back in his hands. Kyle reappears in front of them]
Kyle: Hunh. That was pretty weird.
Loogie: Jesus! The little sick kid was a setup all along! [Billy drops from his bed and walks away] How could I be so stupid?!
Stan: What?
Loogie: I can't believe I fell for such an obvious trap! What the hell is wrong with me?!
Cartman: Weh-well, uh, du-don't take it too hard, dude, uh. That's what grown-ups do.They lie. Lie right to your face.
Loogie: Oh well. Maybe it's good my empire has fallen.
Stan: Really?
Loogie: Yeah. I kinda wanted to play in the flag football team this year anyways.
Stan: So you're not gonna hurt us or nothin'?
Loogie: Naah. In a way, I'm just glad the whole thing's over with.
Kyle: Yeah. But you know, I've learned something today. You see, the basis of all reasoning is the mind's awareness of itself. What we think, the external objects we perceive, are all like actors that come on and off stage. But our conscioousness, the stage itself, is always present to us.
Cartman: …Tits.
[The Platte River, day. Kenny has turned to his left. As the end credits roll, Kenny tries with great effort to make his way to a bank. He hops a few times and lands in a hidden gully in which he promptly drowns. A motorized chair is soon heard]
Timmy: [zipping by on the road above] Timmy!
[End of The Tooth Fairy's Tats 2000] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x01 - The Tooth Fairy's Tats 2000"} | foreverdreaming |
[South Park Elementary, Monday during the day. The kids are out on the playground. The camera pans to the right, showing kids on the hobby elephants, the swings, and the jungle gym. It rests on Butters holding a starting flag.]
Butters: Wuh-okay! You guys ready up there!?
Sledders [three teams of four boys apiece] Ready!
Butters: On your marks! Get set! Uh-go! [the teams head down the small hill, and Cartman's team finishes first]
Stan: We win again! [all get off their sleds]
Token: That's not fair! Cartman's ass is so fat he makes your sled go faster!
Cartman: Ey! Don't call me fat, Token!
Girl in Pink: We want to use the sleds now, butt pirates!
Stan: Sleds are for guys.
Cartman: Yeah! Why don't you chicks go wash some dishes or get pregnant or something?!
Girl in Pink: These are the school's sleds, ass rammers, not yours!
Stan: Look, girls don't even know how to sled. Do something else.
The rest of the boys: Yeah!
Girl in Pink: I bet we can sled ten times better than you, doughnut punchers!
Kyle: Oh yeah?!
The Girls: Yeah!
Cartman: We'd kick your girlie ass in sledding!
Girl in Pink: How about a race down a real hill, then?!
The Girls: Yeah!
Stan: You got it!
The rest of the boys: Yeah!
A few others: Yeah!
Girl in Pink: Your best four sledders agains our best four sledders!
Stan: Noo problem!
Girl in Pink: Then we'll see you this Saturday on Phil Collins Hill!
Kyle: Phil Collins Hill on Saturday! You got it!
Girl in Pink: See you there! And may the best woman win, turd burglars!
Stan: Oh, boy! We'll show them!
Butters: Yeah. Oo-oo-why, us men will show those skanky hos who's who!
Clyde: Yeah. Those girls don't realize what good sledders Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are.
Token: Yeah! And with Cartman's enormously fat ass, the boys are sure to win!
Cartman: Token, I swear to God, if you call me fat one more time [walks to a rock and picks it up] I'm gonna smack you on the head with this rock! [Kyle draws near to Token]
Kyle: Fatass.
Cartman: There! [chucks the rock and it knocks Token down]
Token: Oh! [falls face first into the snow. Kyle is stunned that Cartman followed through]
Cartman: [sees what he's done] Heh. Huh. Uh-oh.
[Mr. Mackey's office, some time later. Eric and Token are seated inside. Token's right arm is in a sling and his right eye is blackened]
Mr. Mackey: And what you need to understand is that this is not appropriate behavior, young man! M'kay?
Liane: Eric, don't you realize you could've seriously injured your little friend?
Cartman: [dragging the words] I'm sorry, Mom.
Liane: Don't apologize to us, apologize to him!
Cartman: [dragging the words] I'm sorry, Token.
Mr. Mackey: Well, I hope you learned that throwing rocks is bayad, Eric.
Cartman: Oh, I sure do, Mr. Mackey. I mean, I feel really bad, uhh. What was I thinking? [drops from his chair] The only thing I can do now… is try to go on and live day by day. [turns and heads for the door] See ya later.
Mr. Mackey: [raises his index finger] Not this time, Eric! You've got to learn to respect your lttle friends! You're gonna have detention for two weeks!
Cartman: No way!
Mr. Mackey: Yes way! M'kay, and that settles it! Now, let's all go- [the door opens and two suits enter]
Man 1: Counselor Mackey?
Mr. Mackey: Yes?
Man 1: I'm Agent Sharp and this is Agent Keen. We're with [with gravity] the FBI.
Agent Keen: We're here to investigate the rock-throwing incident.
Mr. Mackey: Nn-um. m'kay, uh, I've already taken care of it; Eric Cartman here is gonna be punished with two weeks of detention.
Agent Sharp: I'm afraid it's a bit more complicated than that, Mr. School Counselor.You see, since the victim in this case is African-American, this is considered [close-up] a hate crime.
Cartman: …What the hell is a hate crime?
Mr. Mackey: Uh, oh, but I don't think this is a ruh-
Agent Keen: New laws have been passed that make any crime based on race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation a federal offense.
Cartman: What? A federal offense?
Mr. Mackey: Oh no.
Cartman: Oh no??
Agent Keen: We're sorry, Ms. Cartman, but we must follow protocol. [grabs a hold of Cartman] Your son will be taken into custody and then tried in a federal court of law. [the two agents walk out with Cartman]
Liane: Oh my goodness.
[Trial TV, Tuesday. The letters fly into place over blind Justice holding the scales]
Announcer: The hate crime trial of the century is underway [Cartman is shown] on Court TV tracks U van. [Token is shown]. Live. Here's your host, Leslie Smith.
Leslie: What turns a normal, fat little eight-year-old boy into a vicious, hate-crime-commiting r*cist? We take you live to the courtroom [the courthouse is shown] as the defendant takes the stand.
[The courtroom. The prosecutor grills Cartman]
Prosecutor: Mr. Cartman, do you know a boy by the name of "Token?"
Cartman: Uh, yes?
Prosecutor: Who is Token?
Cartman: He's a black kid that goes to my school?
Prosecutor: Black! [gets animated] Did you say black?! You called him black?!
Cartman: He is black.
Prosecutor: O! He said it again! [the audience gasps] He is African-American, and so you decided to pick him out!
Cartman: I did?
Prosecutor: The rage built and built inside your head until it became too much because you hate African-Americans!!
Cartman: No! I hate hippies!
Prosecutor: What?!
Cartman: I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about "protectin' the earth" and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets - I hate 'em! I wanna kick 'em in the nuts!
Liane: [behind the defense area] Oo, poopiekins?
Prosecutor: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this is why we have hate-crime laws! This "monster" commited a crime—not against an individual, but against a race! Do the democratic thing and send his fat little butt to prison!
Cartman: [off camera] Ey! Don't call me fat, assh*le!
Prosecutor: [faces the audience and judge] The prosecution rests.
Girl in Pink: [walks in with Bebe, stops next to Stan and Kyle] Don't forget: we still have a sledding race this Saturday, pillow biters. [turns around and walks away]
Stan, Kyle: We know!
Stan: Dude, this is horrible. We gotta get Cartman out of court so we can go practice.
[The courtroom, some time later. A verdict has been reached, and the Judge announces it.]
Judge: Eric Cartman, you have been found guilty of commiting a hate crime. For this, I hereby sentence you to the Alamosa Juvenile Hall, until you turn twen-ty one.
Cartman: No!
Judge: I am making an example of you, to send a message out to people everywhere: that if you want to hurt another human being, you'd better make damn sure they're the same color as you are! [Cartman stares blankly back at the Judge, Stan and Kyle look at each other] Court is adjourned! [gavels one last time.]
The Girls: [Bebe, the girl in pink, and a third girl jump for joy.] Woohoo! Hooray!
Judge: Bailiffs, escort this little bastard to Juvenile Hall.
Black Bailiff: Yes, sir. [they turn to face Cartman]
White Bailiff: Alright, you! …Uh-uh-uh, where'd he go? [Cartman has disappeared, leaving a fallen chair behind]
[Kenny's house. Cartman rushes up to it and pounds on the front door. Kenny opens the door]
Cartman: [jumping excitedly] Kenny! Kenny, you have to get me out of town!
Kenny: (What the f*ck for?!)
Cartman: They're gonna put me in jail for a hate crime! You have to take me to Mexico!
Kenny: (Mexico?! Why the heck do I have to take you all the way to Mexico?!)
Cartman: [slaps Kenny] Calm down, Kenny!
Kenny: (Hey!)
Cartman: Do you still have that battery-powered toy truck you got last Christmas?!
Kenny: (Yyes)
Cartman: Well, come on! I don't have much time! [heads for the garage. Outside, the garage door opens and a tiny truck creaks out with Kenny at the wheel and Cartman in the back seat]
[News Flash: "High Speed Chase"]
Anchor: A car chase is evolving on the 285 corridor east of South Park! Hate-crime suspect Eric Cartman is trying to outrun federal prosecutors in his friend's Go-Go Action Bronco! Our Eye in the Sky Greg Nimins is there live. Greg?
Greg Nimins: ["NEWS 4 LIVE!"] Tom, it looks like the Go-Go Action Bronco is heading east on 285. Police officers are right behind him [in a single line, creeping] but as with any chase, they're keeping a safe distance to avoid any accidents here out on the highway. [Kenny takes a transition road off to his right] Tom, it looks like the fugitive is going to make a bold move off an exit off 285. He's going into a residential neighborhood now; this is where it could get dangerous, as there are pedestrians about.
[In the Go-Go Action Bronco]
Cartman: Damnit, Kenny! Can't this thing go any faster?!
Kenny: [looks back] (Why don'tcha keep your head down?!) [Cartman ducks]
[back to the report]
Greg Nimins: Tom, the police have set a roadblock right where the Go-Go Action Bronco is heading. [they have also enlisted the f*re department's help] This could be the final stand-off.
Policeman 1: [holds his hand up for a halt] Alright, that's far enough. Stop the Go-Go Action Bronco and come out with your hands up. [the Bronco keeps going] Just bring it to a stop and come on out. [the Bronco keeps going] Jeezus, he's gonna ram it! [the officers dive for cover and Kenny pushes into the two cars blocking his way. Slowly, tons of steel give way before the puny Bronco, and Kenny and Cartman break through the blockade. The Bronco leaves and the officers get up.] Crazy son of a bitch.
[News Flash: Continuing coverage. Stan and Kyle watch the news flash at Stan's house]
Greg Nimins: Well, it's been over thirteen hours now, and still the car chase has not ended. [eight cars are shown in four rows of two following the little Go-Go Action Bronco.]
Kyle: What the hell are they doing?
Greg Nimins: The chase has now moved through most of Arizona and nears the Mexican border.
Stan: Dude, if Kenny takes Cartman to Mexico, how are we ever gonna win the sledding race on Saturday?
Kyle: Don't worry, dude. That little truck just runs on D batteries. It's gonna run out of juice soon. [the camera zooms out to show two lines of police cars following closely behind Kenny and Cartman. At least 22 cars are shown]
[The Arizona desert]
Cartman:: We're gonna make it, Kenny! We're gonna make it to Mexico! [the little Bronco crawls to a d*ad stop.] Oh, God damnit! [the police cars rush in and the first one bumps the Bronco down the road. The others run into the first one and pile on. A few cars fly over and crash]
[Stan's house. The phone rings]
Stan: [answers] Hello?
Girl in Pink: Just a friendly reminder: Cartman's going to jail and you've got four days until the race, rump rangers!
Stan: Son of a bitch!
[A truck arrives at the main gates of a prison in the desert. The gates part and the truck enters]
Driver: Here we are, the end of the road. Alamosa Maximum Security Juvenile Hall.
[A clown face greets the truck and the double doors open. Officers line up and Cartman gets a good look at the inmates. Two kids are using weights, a third sits brooding, an angry African-American boy stands next to another brooding kid. Four kids play basketball, with the blond one having blood in his hair. Two kids play tic-tac-toe, and two others play tetherball. Cartman looks again and sees a sign saying, "Gruffy Bear sez: Try to escape and we'll sh**t you where you stand." Two soldiers pace the catwalk above. Cartman looks again, and three boys b*at a fourth over a football. A kid in nothing but briefs puts on airs while smoking. Cartman looks again and three babies play with blocks under an officer's semiautomatic. The babies are chained to each other]
[A few moments later, and Cartman is in an orange prison suit being admitted]
Warden: Prisoner 24601, arriving. [Cartman enters holding some bedding] Forward, prisoner! You will wake up each morning at 0500. [leads him in] Lockdown is until 0900. At ten we begin random searches and checks for contraband. [they pass through a security door into the mess hall] At 11:30 we have naptime, followed by finger-painting. Your cellmate is Romper Stomper! [the other kids look up and gasp]
Cartman: Huh-who's Romper Stomper?
Romper Stomper: [steps into the aisle] I am! [His feet are shown with yellow pails underneath them. Cartman turns, and a menacing kid with a teardrop tattoo under the left eye looks back at him] And I don't want no new cellmate!
Wardern: [Cartman hides behind him] You don't have a choice, Stomper! Now, show this new prisoner the ropes!
Romper Stomper: Oh, I will! [steps forward on his pails] You bet your ass I will.
[Wednesday, Phil Collins Hill, practice run. Elevation: 9436 feet. The boys in the class are gathered at the summit with Stan, Kyle, and Kenny. Phil Collins' face is the hill's defining geographic feature]
Stan: Alright, guys. It looks like Cartman's not gonna be able to sled with us for another… 13 years, so in the meantime we need someone to race with us against the girls on Saturday.
Kyle: Yeah. Cartman's weight was what gave us speed, so we need to find the next-fattest kid besides Cartman. [The others look around at each other]
Stan: Come on, who's the second-fattest kid in South Park?
Butters: …Uuhh, I think Clyde is the next-fattest uh-kid.
Clyde: Huh?
Kyle: Yeah. Okay, get over here, Clyde.
Clyde: I'm not fat.
Stan: Deal with it, dude! Cartman's gone, so now you're the fat kid.
Kyle: Yeah, fatss! Get your fat butt on the sled!
Clyde: [sits on the back end of the sled] Hey, I'm not fat, you guys. I'm just kind of big-boned.
Stan: Dah, that's what they all say. Okay, ready? Go! [he, Kyle, and Kenny push off and then hop on as the sled picks up speed. The rest of the kids cheer them on]
Kyle: [as the sled stops] Awwgh! Hey dude, we don't even have enough weight to move.
Girl In Pink: [her team's sled passes the boys by] See you Saturday, poo sniffers!
Stan: [looks back at Clyde] Nice going, fat boy!
[Alamosa Juvenile Hall. Some of the kids gather around Cartman.]
Romper Stomper: Well, well, well. Nwe fish. How about you come up with a reason why we don't break your arms?!
Inmates: Yeah!
Cartman: Uh… 'Cause I'm just like you guys. Uh-I'm one of you.
Romper Stomper: Oh yeah? The way I see it, there's two kinds of kids in the world: kids who like Animaniacs, and kids who don't like Animaniacs. You're either with us, or you're against us. So which are you?!
Cartman: Oh, uh, well, personally, I… uhuhuhuh, I… don't like Animaniacs?
Romper Stomper: [after some thought] …Neither do we
Cartman: [softly] Oh, thank you, Jesus. [normally] So we're friends now?
Romper Stomper: No! There's no friends in the Big House! You come in with nobody and you leave with nobody. We don't believe in "friends."
Inmates: Yeah!
Cartman: Yeah, neither do I. Friends suck.
Romper Stomper: Now, go find me some cigarettes and I'll tell you how to bust out of here.
[Phil Collins Hill, second practice run. Kyle and Kenny add the finishing touches to something on the sled]
Stan: Okay, we've figured it out. To add more weight to the sled, we're gonna use these bricks [points to them], but we're gonna cover 'em with kid's clothes so that the girls think it's another kid!
Pip: Oh, that's a wonderful idea.
Clyde: So I don't get to be on the team now?
All the boys: Shut up, fatass!
Kyle: Yeah, why don't you go eat some more pork rinds or something, you fat f*ck?! [Clyde glares back]
Stan: Come on, let's get it a try. [he and Kyle get on, and Kenny starts the sled and ges on,]
Kenny, Stan: Woopee!
Stan: Yeah-
Stan, Kenny, Kyle: Wo-o-o-o-oh! [they lose control of the sled and start spinning]
Stan: [to Kyle] Dude, bail! Bail! [they jump off, leaving Kenny with the brick rider. They end up face down]
Kenny: (Huh? Uh.) [the sled hits a rock, tossing him through the air] (AAAAAA!) [slams into a tree and sticks] (Ufff!) [the brick rider slams into him, k*lling him] (Ugh!)
Stan: [looks up] Ooh, my God, we k*lled Kenny.
Kyle: We k*lled Kenny?
Stan: We k*lled Kenny. We're bastards. [they walk up to the tree and stand in front of the puddle of blood]
Kyle: Well, that didn't work. What else can we try?
Stan: Nothing else is gonna work. [the rest of the boys converge on the tree] We have to face the fact that without Cartman we're gonna lose to a bunch o' girls.
Butters: Well, uh-I sure do hate to, uh, to see my gender tuh, lose to a bunch o' women!
Pip: This is a sad day for men everywhere.
Stan: You know something, guys? I think we all took Cartman's ass for granted.
All the boys: Yeup.
Kyle: If only we had realized how special our time with his gigantic ass was.
Butters: Well, all that time we didn't understand what a… unique and magical ass it was.
Girl in Pink: [arrives and steps off the sled] Woohoo. Great time, girls. [notices Kenny flattened against the tree] Oh, gee. Looks like you lost another sledder. Good luck on Saturday, doughnut punchers! [walks away with her sled and the three other girls]
Stan: That does it! We've got no other choice! We've got to bust Cartman out of jail!
Some boys: Oh?
Other boys: [simultaneous] Huh?
Kyle: How?
Stan: I saw a movie once where they baked a cake and put a nail file inside of it.
Kyle: Sweet! Let's go!
The group: Hooray! Alright! Here we go!
[Alamosa Juvenile Hall, Thursday. Visiting hours 10:00 to 2:00. Relatives have come to visit the inmates]
Mother 1: And have you been brushing your teeth?
Boy 1: Yes, Mommy.
Mother 1: And not dropping your soap?
Boy 1: Yes, Mommy.
Boy 2: Hi, Mom.
Mother 2: Young man, that is the fourth time you've been late for our visiting time; you are grounded.
Boy 2: Grounded? On, no! Um, wait… [Cartman has no visitors yet]
Guard: [leads Kyle and Stan to Cartman] Here you go, boys. Keep it short.
Cartman: Hey you guys.
Kyle: [he and Stan take their seats] Hey, fatass. How's prison?
Cartman: Well, it sucks balls. Whattaya think?
Stan: Cartman, why the hell did you have to commit a hate crime?! We're gonna lose to girls because of you!
Kyle: Yeah! So you gotta bust out of here. [lowers his voice] So we made you this cake. [lifts it onto the counter, and it reads, "Get Out Soon, Cartman"] There's a ailnay ilefay inside of it.
Cartman: A what?
Kyle: [softly] An ailnay ilefay.
Cartman: Wwhat's that?
Kyle: Listen, aggotfay! An ailnay ilefay so you can eakbray out of isonpray!
Stan: Yeah, you stupid umbassday!
Cartman: I'd love to eat a cake, you guys, but they don't let us take anything back to the cells from here
Kyle: They on'tday?! [takes the cake down] Why the ellhay otnay?! It ooktay ourfay ourshay to akebay this Od-damnedgay akecay, and ownay we're otallytay ewedscray!
Stan: …Yeah.
Cartman: [a guard walks past him] Look, that's not important right now! Did you guys bring the cigarettes?
Kyle: Well, we got some cigarettes, but we don't think you should be smoking. Each year, over a million people die of smo-
Cartman: Just hand over the God-damned cigarettes!
Stan: Sshh! [the guard looks over]
Cartman: Look, if you guys want me back to win the sledding race, [hushed] then I need those cigarettes.
Stan: How are we supposed to give them to you?
Cartman: Just pass them through these little drill holes here. That's what everybody does.
Stan: But they're gonna search you on your way back to your cell.
Cartman: I know. That's why I have to have them up my ass. [Stan and Kyle look at him and bust out laughing] Shut up, you guys! It's not funny!
Stan: Alright, here. [pulls some out and slips them through the holes one by one. The guard checks his watch and Cartman packs his ass]
Cartman: Well, okay… here… l'see…
Stan: Wow. I really wish I hadn't sat here and watched that.
Kyle: Me too.
Cartman: Okay, guys, eh… If you'll excuse me, I must be going now. [leaves the visiting area]
Kyle: Don't fart on your way out; you might make little smoke signals. [he and Stan laugh]
Cartman: [at the door] Hahah. Very funny, you guys, hahah. [the guard opens the door and Cartman walks in]
[Alamosa Juvenile Hall, outside the main gate. Stan and Kyle exit and Stan sets the cake on the ground.]
Stan: That sucks that we couldn't give him the nail file. [pulls it out]
Kyle: So now what do we do?
Stan: There's only one thing we can do. We have to go see Token and see if he'll forgive Cartman for hate-criming him. Come on, we're running out of time!
[Alamosa Juvenile Hall, Cartman's cell. He enters]
Romper Stomper: [reading a book, looks up] Well, did you get the cigarettes?
Cartman: Yes. They are safely concealed in the depths of my ass.
Romper Stomper: Alright. Go sit on the toilet and poop them out. I'll keep an eye out for the guards. [Cartman does as told and starts groaning]
Cartman: Engh. Egh. Uuuh, stupid cigarettes. [groans some more until a plop is heard] One. [groans and screams until a second plop is heard] Heh, two. [more groans] Come on! Uugh, come on, now! Come on, uuhhhgghh [plop] yeahhh. Hoh. Phew. [flushes the toilet and Romper looks up horrified] Hoh. …Oh, God-damnit! [walks back to Romper crestfallen]
Romper Stomper: You flushed them?!
Cartman: Well, you spend eight years takin' a crap and then flushin' the toilet; it sorta becomes a reflex! Please, just help me bust out of here.
Romper Stomper: No way, douche. I told you: I ain't your friend. If you want me to help you, you're gonna have to sneak something else in for me.
Cartman: Son of a bitch!
[South Park, Friday during the day. Stan and Kyle get off a bus onto an affluent part of town]
Kyle: Dude, I didn't know Token lived so far away.
Stan: Yeah. You know, they bus in people from different races to our school to promote cultural diversity.
Kyle: Yeah. But isn't Token the only one?
Stan: Yeah. [they walk up to the front door of a nice house. Kyle rings the bell]
Token's Mother: [answering] Hello?
Stan: Hi. Can Token come out and play?
Token's Mother: Well, his head is still a little sore, but you can come in, if you like. [the boys enter]
Kyle: k*ller.
Stan: [sees Token] Token, you don't wanna see us guys lose to girls tomorrow, do you?
Token: No.
Kyle: Well then, [Token begins to move away. Kyle holds his shoulder, but moves with him. Stan follows] you've got to call the jail right now and tell them that you forgive Cartman for being a dumbass!
Token: Yeah.
Token's Father: I'm afraid it's not that simple, boys.
Stan: It's not?
Token's Father: No. You see, the only person that can let Eric out of Juvenile Hall is the governor.
Kyle: Damnit! Son of a bitch, damnit! [remembers where he is] Oh, sorry.
Token's Father: No, I'b, actually agree with you.
Kyle: Huh?
Token's Father: Yeah. I have a real problem.with hate-crime legislation. In fact, I'd love to see you kids go down and give the governor a piece of my mind.
Stan: Well, why don't you tell the governor yourself?
Token's Father: Oh, he wouldn't listen to me.
Kyle: Why not?
Token's Father: Because I'm black.
Stan, Kyle: Oh.
Token's Father: Sit down, boys. I'm gonna give you a little lesson about hate-crime laws. [leads them away]
[Alamosa Juvenile Hall. Cartman is at the toilet pooping something else. Romper is reading]
Cartman: [moans and tries until a small splash is heard] Oh, thank God! Oh, thank you, Jesus, uh! Hoh. [walks in with a box and tosses it on the ground] Here you go, God-damnit!
Romper Stomper: [tosses his book away and stands up] Cool! My very own Tic-Tac-Throw game. [picks it up] Ew, it smells, man.
Cartman: Well, what the hell do you expect, huh?! Now I got your stupid game; tell me how to break out of here!
Romper Stomper: You're not gonna break out of here! You're here 'til you're 21, douche!
Cartman: But you said-
Romper Stomper: I just wanted you to sneak stuff in for me. What? You actually think I give a crap about you?
Cartman: I thought that-
Romper Stomper: Hneah. You'd better wise up to the way things work in the big house. [walks to the cell door] Hey guys! I gots me a new Tic-Tac-Throw [Cartman, forsaken, begins to cry] Yeah, it's a little ripe, but it's brand new, man! You can play it at recess. [turns to Cartman] Hey. Uh, what are you doing? [Cartman cries some more] You… you can't cry in prison, man. They'll bust your head open. What's the matter with you?!
Cartman: I want my Mo-omm [cries some more and rubs his eyes]
Romper Stomper: Dude. [walks up to Cartman]
Cartman: Mommy, I want my Mommy! [continues crying]
Romper Stomper: Look, if it's that important to you, I'll bust you out of here.
Cartman: You will?
Romper Stomper: Yeah. …Yyeah, I will. Uh-but not because you're my friend. Only because… because I wanna bust out, too. Anh-anh, and see Disneyland.
[The governor's office, day. An aide peeks in]
Aide: Governor, the Free Eric Cartman Now Committee is here to see you?
Governor: Naw, not another committee. Send them in. [Stan, Kyle, and Token enter. Kyle carries a boombox and Token an easel with their presentation on it. They set up] This is the Free Eric Cartman Now Committee?
Token: Yeah.
Governor: Well, boys, what can I do for you?
Stan: [to Kyle] Okay, go ahead and start.
Kyle: I don't start, you start.
Stan: Oh, uhyeah. [walks to the easel and clears his thoat] Hello, Mr. Governor, and thank you for taking the time to hear our presentation on hate-crime laws, entitled, "Hate Crime Laws: A Savage Hypocracy." [shows the title page. Kyle presses the play button for some ambience] Yes, over the past few years our great country has been developing new hate crime laws.
Token: [flips a page to depict a s*ab in progress] If somebody kills somebody, it's a crime. But if someone kills somebody of a different color, it's a hate crime.
Kyle: And we think that that is [flips the page to reveal a copy of the title page] a savage hypocracy, because all crimes are hate crimes. If a man beats another man because that man was sleeping with his wife, is that not a hate crime?
Stan: [flips the page to reveal a person tagging City Hall] If a person vandalizes a government building, is it not because of his hate for the government?
Token: [flips the page to reveal a man being h*t deliberately by a car] And motivation for a crime shouldn't affect the sentencing.
Stan: [flips the page to reveal warring groups of people around a question mark] Mayor, it is time to stop splitting people into groups. All hate crimes do is support the idea that blacks are different from whites, that h*m* need to be treated differently from non-h*m*, that we aren't the same.
Kyle: [shows a rainbow of people holding hands] But instead, we should all be treated the same, with the same laws and the same punishments for the same crimes [Stan flips the page to reveal their hate crime proposal]. For in that way Cartman can be freed from prison, and we [flips the page to show them winning a sledding race] will have a chance to win the sledding race on Thursday.
Stan: That is our presentation. An idea that we call…
Token: [flips the page to reveal another copy of the title page] "Hate Crime Laws: A Savage Hypocracy." [Kyle turns the tape player off]
Governor: Hm. That made the most sense of any presentation I've heard in the last three years.
[Outside Alamosa Juvenile Hall, Friday night. Alarms sound and searchlights abound, indicating someone has broken out. Footsteps are heard, and Cartman and Romper climb over a hill]
Romper Stomper: Hurry up! They're sending the dogs after us! [Cartman runs ahead, Romper trips on a rock] Mph. Oowww!
Cartman: [turns around] What's the matter?
Romper Stomper: [looks up] It's my leg! I think it's broken. [looks back] You go on ahead without me.
Cartman: Uhokay. [turns and runs]
Romper Stomper: Hey. [Cartman stops and turns] You're supposed to say, "I'm not going without you," or something.
Cartman: Oh. Really?
Romper Stomper: Look, kid, you go on. You've got something to live out there. You've got friends.
Cartman: Yeah. I never really realized that until just now.
Romper Stomper: I sure would have liked to have seen Disneyland. Here. I want you to have these. [offers his pails]
Cartman: Okay. [retrieves them]
Romper Stomper: No! You're supposed to say, "I can't take these," or something, dumbass!
Cartman: Oh. I can't take these. [offers them back]
Romper Stomper: Take them. They'll bring you luck. [looks back again] Now go on. Get out of here. [Cartman turns, walks some, and returns]
Cartman: Romper?
Romper Stomper: Yeah?
Cartman: You… well… I know you don't think you've… ever been anybody's friend, but, well, you're a friend to me.
Guard: [shows up with other guards] Alright, freeze! [Cartman steps to Romper's side]
Cartman: You'll never take us alive! We're going down together, pigs!
Guard: But you've been pardoned by the governor! [shows the document]
Cartman: [takes it] O ho ho, sweet. Later, dudes. [walks away]
[Phil Collins Hill, Saturday. The sledders are at the top of the run and other kids are at the finish line]
Girl in Pink: [at the front of the girls' sled] Well, come on! Are we racing or not?!
Stan: Just wait. We got Cartman pardoned; he'll be here any second.
Kyle: He's gotta show up. He's just got to.
Girl in Pink: Come on, my feet are getting cold, fudge packers!
Bebe: Yeah. If you're too scared to race, just say so!
Kyle: Dude, I guess we've jsut got to try it without him.
Stan: Alright, where's Clyde.
Clyde: [steps up] Right here.
Stan: Get on the sled, you fat piece of shit!
Clyde: For the last time, I'm not fat, so stop calling me fat, God-damnit! [realizes he's responded as Cartman would, and covers his mouth with both hands]
Kyle: On the sled, fatass!
Girl in Pink: Okay, girls. Time to show the boys what we can do!
Other girls: Yeah!
Butters: [steps into place with the starting flags] Huh-okay. Uh-ready, uhset,-
Cartman: [Butters looks up] You guys! [runs over a hill into view and races towards the group]
Stan: It's Cartman!
Boy Sledders: Hooray!
Cartman: That's right! I'm back! [Clyde walks over and hugs him, and he is surprised]
Clyde: Oh, thank you! Thank you for coming back! [relief creeps in] Thank you so much. Thank you.
Cartman: What the hell's wrong with Clyde?
Girl in Pink: This is your last chance! Are we racing or not?!
Stan: All right! Let's do this!
Butters: Okay. Everybody ready? On your marks.
Cartman: I hope I can adjust to life outside of the big house.
Butters: Uh-get set. Go! [lowers the flags, and the girls shove off]
Cartman: Been on the inside for so long, I don't rermember how to live on the outside.
Kyle: Go, fatass!
Cartman: When a man is stripped of his freedom, degraded in the ways that I was, it's-
Token, Kyle, Stan: Go, fatass! [Cartman shoves the sled into motion and hops on]
Stan: Come on! We've gotta catch up to them! [the camera looks at the slope. The girls come down first, then the boys]
Girl in Pink: We've got' em, girls!
Kyle: Oh no! The girls are gonna win!
Kids at Finish Line: Go! You can do it! Come on!
Stan: We're not gonna make it! [Cartman thinks, then he remembers.]
Cartman: Hey. [pulls out the pails and tosses them at the girls' sled]
Girl in Pink: G'aaaaah! [the pails gum up the reins. The girls' sled veers off the run and over a cliff. The weightlessness causes the girls and sled to separate, and all fall scattered on the ground below. A brown bear comes up]
Bear: Rowr. {carries the girl in pink away]
Boy Sledders: [crossing the finish line] Hooray!
Stan: We did it!
Girls: Awww. [walk away disappointed, leaving only one blonde carrying a sign: GIRLS RULE]
Kyle: We won! We won!
Butters: Yeah. Why, we sure-uh gave those skanky bitches what for!
Boys: Hooray!
Kyle: It's good to have you back, Cartman.
Stan: Yeah,. We're never gonna take you ass for granted ever again.
Cartman: Yeah, and I'm not gonna take my friends for granted ever again.
Pip: Let's all hear it for Cartman's big, fat ass! [no one does. Cartman picks up a rock and throws it at him] Oh-ff. [falls on his face. The rock lands next to Cartman]
Cartman: Do British people count as an ethnicity for hate crimes?
Stan, Kyle, Butters, Token: Naah.
Cartman: Sweet.
[Alamosa Juvenile Hall, later, Romper's cell. He is reading]
Guard: Hey! Romper Stomper! Get up! [Romper gets up] You got a visitor! [rolls the door aside and Cartman enters]
Romper Stomper: Eric!
Cartman: Hey, Romper Stomper.
Romper Stomper: Wow! I've never had a visitor before!
Cartman: Well, that's not all. I snuck something in for you, too.
Romper Stomper: You did? [Cartman goes to the door to make sure the guards are gone, then returns to Stmper]
Cartman: You know how you told me you always wanted to see Disneyland?
Romper Stomper: Yeah. [Cartman walks off to the toilet]
Cartman: [begins grunting. A few moments later, and a grin breaks out on Stomper's face. A big splash follows] Yeah! That's the Pirates of the Caribbean. Ugh.
Romper Stomper: Whoa! [end credits roll]
Cartman: Hegh. Oh! Here comes Space Mountain-oh-uugh. [splash. Romper is stunned] Ogh! Wait-
Romper Stomper: Oh, yeah!
Cartman: [grunts some more] Uh, what else? [splash] Splash Mountain, that comes now-oh! [grunts some more, then, splash]
Romper Stomper: Oh, the monorail!
[End of Cartman's Silly Hate Crime 2000] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x02 - Cartman's Silly Hate Crime 2000"} | foreverdreaming |
[South Park Elementary, day. Mr. Garrison's classroom. The student stream in and take their seats]
Stan: Dude, did you do all your homework last night?
Kyle: Yeah. But there was so much of it. I was up until two in the morning.
Stan: I know!
Mr. Garrison: Okay, children, I hope you all did your homework last night, because we're goin' to talk about pages 42 through 612. First of all, who can tell me what year the Founding Fathers got together? [the class sits silently] Let's see, how about…
Cartman: [praying softly at his desk] Please don't call on me. Please, Jesus, don't let him call on me.
Mr. Garrison: Wendy?
Cartman: Phew!
Wendy: 1776.
Mr. Garrison: Good job, Wendy. And what was that document called?
Cartman: [praying] Oh, please, God, don't let him call on me. Father in heaven, I beg of you-
Mr. Garrison: [points to] Kyle?
Cartman: Oh, thank you Low-ord! Praise Jesus!
Kyle: The Declaration of Independence?
Mr. Garrison: Very good, Kyle. Now, who can tell me what famous person wrote the Declaration of Independence? [Cartman drops low in his seat so as to hide behind Butters, seated in front of him] Let's see. Oh, I know. How about the new student, Timmy? [the camera and the class's eyes move to Timmy, who's grinning]
Timmy: Timmiihh!
Mr. Garrison: Nno, it wasn't you, Timmy. Try again.
Timmy: Heh-aaaaaah!
Mr. Garrison: Timmy, did you not do your homework?!
Timmy: Erh Timmiihh!!
Stan: Uh, Mr. Garrison, haven't you figured it out? Timmys' ret*rd.
Mr. Garrison: Don't call people names, Stanley!
Stan: But he is-
Mr. Garrison: Now, Timmy,—
Timmy: Haaaaah.
Mr. Garrison: —You need to work on your study skills!
Timmy: Doo-uhh.
Mr. Garrison: Are you mocking me?! Because if you are, I have no problem sending your butt to the principal's office!
Timmy: G'oh livin' a lie, livin' a lie, Timmawh!
Mr. Garrison: THAT DOES IT!
[The principal's office. Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey talk to Timmy]
Principal Victoria: Well, Timmy. I just don't know what to do with you. You're getting very poor marks in school and the teachers are complaining that you aren't paying attention.
Timmy: Heh-aaaaaah!
Mr. Mackey: Uh young man, if you don't wanna be held back a grade, I suggest you start cooperating, m'kay?!
Timmy: Timmiihh!
Principal Victoria: Well, that does it! I'm suspending you, Timmy, until you can learn to respect your elders! [pulls out a suspension form and starts filling it out]
Timmy: Ehhha-a-a-ah.
Mr. Mackey: Huh- hold on just a second there, Principal Victoria. [she stops writing] I think I may know what the problem is. [walks to Timmy and stands behind him, checking him out ]
Timmy: [softly] Timmiihh.
Mr. Mackey: Yes, of course.
Principal Victoria: What??
Mr. Mackey: [Timmy is grinning, enjoying himself] I think maybe Timmy is suffering from something called, "Attention Deficit Disorder," or ADD. It's very common in kids his age.
Principal Victoria: Oh!
Timmy: [turns right and zooms away] Timmiihh!
Principal Victoria: Well, that certainly would explain it.
Mr. Mackey: It should be easy enough to find out. They have tests for that kind of thing now, m'kay?
Timmy: [zooms across the room in the other direction] Oolih oo livn' a lie, Timmehuh!
[A clinic. Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey have taken Timmy there to see a doctor]
Clinic Doctor: Alright, this is a very sinple test which should determine without a doubt whether or not Timmy has Attention Deficit Disorder.
Principal Victoria: Good.
Mr. Mackey: M'kay.
Timmy: Timmih.
Clinic Doctor: Egh. Now, Timmy, I'm going to read you a book called, "The Great Gatsby," by F. Scott Fitzgerald. At the end of the novel I'll ask you a few questions. Are yiou ready?
Timmy: Timmih.
Clinic Doctor: [sits] Okay, here we go. [opens the book and clear his throat] "In my younger and more vulnerable years, my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since" ["since since since since…" The clock reads 2:01, but the hours begin to roll by: 3:24, 5:55, 9:09…] "so we b*at on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." [closes the book. Both Mr. Mackey and Principal Victoria are asleep, his head resting on hers.]
Timmy: Ha-a-a-a-a-h.
Clinic Doctor: Okay now, Timmy. Can you tell me: In Chapter 7, what kind of car did Gatsby drive?
Timmy: [fiddles around some, then turns aside] Timmih!
Clinic Doctor: [rises and slams the book on the floor] Well, that settles it!
Mr. Mackey, Principal Victoria: [sit up] Huh??
Clinic Doctor: This young man definitely has Attention Deficit Disorder!
Mr. Mackey: [rubs his eyes] Oh oh, I nuh-I knew it.
Principal Victoria: What can we do for him, doctor?
Clinic Doctor: Well, ADD is fairly common in kids today. I'm gonna prescribe some Ritalin, and we'll see how that goes for little Timmy.
Timmy: [softly] Timmih.
[South Park Elementary, next day. Mr. Garrison's classroom]
Mr. Garrison: Hurry up, children, let's take our seats. [Timmy rolls up with a note attached to his head] You'd better have done your homework last night, Timmy. [sees the note] What's this? [peels it off and reads it]
Timmy: Tim-mih.
Mr. Garrison: A note from the principal? "Please excuse Timmy from all questions and all homework, as he has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder." [puts the note down] Oh, brother!
Stan: He doesn't have to do homework?
Mr. Garrison: That's just swell, Timmy! Looks like you've outsmarted the principal and the counselor!
Timmy: Timmih.
Mr. Garrison: Very well, I guess you're excused from homework.
Kyle: Hey wait. I think maybe I have Attention Diffunction Disorder.
Cartman: Yeah, me too.
Stan: I've got ADD.
Kenny: (Me too.)
Other classmates: Yeah, I've got it. Me too. Yeah. It's gay.
[The clinic, later. The doctor is reading "A Farewell To Arms," by Ernest Hemingway, to the class now]
Clinic Doctor: "After a while I went out and left the hospital, and walked back to the hotel in the rain." [sighs and closes the book. Kenny bangs his head against the wall cabinet. Tweek, Kyle, and Bebe sleep where they sit. Cartman is asleep on his back. Token, Stan, Wendy, Clyde, and Kevin are drowsy.] Alright now, in Chapter 12, what kind of bottles did Miss Van Campen talk about? [Kenny bangs head head again] Anybody? [Kenny bangs head head again] Anybody?? My God, these children all have ADD! [scribbles onto his notepad quickly]
All the kids: [sleepily] Hooray.
Cartman: [sleepily] Hoo-ray.
Clinic Doctor: It's Ritalin for all of you! [writes out prescriptions]
[A house. Rock music is heard. Next, Skyler and his band are shown practicing. They now have a name: Lords of the Underworld. They play, but don't sing, and thrust their heads down from time to time.]
Drummer: Dude, we suck!
Skyler: Hey, that's not the right attitude, Jonesy! The Battle of the Bands is tomorrow night!
Jonesy: Dude, we never win the Battle of the Bands! It's no big deal.
Skyler: [disbelieving] Not a big deal! This year's winner gets to open for Phil Collins at Lalapalooblaza, and that's no big deal?!
Mark: Hey, you guys, you'd better stop fighting.
Skyler: We've just gotta practice more.
Jonesy: Dude, we've been practicing for eight years, Skyler.
Skyler: Hey, am I the leader of this band or not?! Huh, let's do it from the top! [the band starts up again, then pause]
Timmy: [outside] Timmuuhh! [the band riffs] Coodalah Timmuh!
Jonesy: [stops] What was that?
Skyler: Huh-I don't know, man. [picks up the garage door opener and presses the button. The door rises to the sound of an angelic choir and orchestra and reveals the bright light outside. And in that light is Timmy.] Whoaaa!
Mark: Who is that?
Timmy: Timmiihh!
Skyler: You a singer, man?
Timmy: Rrrrr-laurlaurlah Timmehah! [no reaction, but later, the band practices again. Timmy is with them now.] Timmehuh! [the band plays on, then stops] Timmehh.
Jonesy: Dude, that's hot!
Skyler: Yeah!
[South Park Pharmacy, day. Ms. McCormick receives her son's prescription.]
Pharmacist: There is your prescription, Ms. McCormick. A hundred dollars' worth of Ritalin.
Mrs. McCormick And he won't have Attention Deficit Disorder anymore?
Pharmacist: We can only hope so. Next? [the camera pulls back to show a line of kids with their moms. Kenny and his mom leave, and Stan arrives with his mom]
Sharon: Oh, hi, Sheila.
Sheila: Sharon, your son has Attention Deficit Disorder too?
Sharon: Yes. I should have known. It all makes semse now. I could never get Stanley to pay attention when his grandfather told him stories about the '30s.
Sheila: I know what you mean. Kyle gets so hyper, sometimes he runs around and screams like a little eight-year-old.
Kyle: …I am eight.
Pharmacist: Next, please? [Liane hands him the prescription] What do we have here- ah! The Ritalin!
Liane: Yes.
Cartman: That's right. I got a bad case of ADD. No homework for me.
Liane: Mr. Pharmacist, this Ritalin doesn't have any side effects, does it?
Pharmacist: Oh, no no no, your son may experience a small lack of energy, but that's all.
Liane: Alright.
Pharmacist: Oh, and he might start seeing little pink Christina Aguilera monsters, but that's to be expected.
Liane: Oh my.
[South Park Battle Of The Bands. A four-member band is onstage. One member is on keyboards, a second is on drums, a third on guitar, and the fourth has the mic. The first and third have flaming hairdos]
Band: Look alive, lettin' it feel (so light). Lettin' it feel so light.
People in Audience: Boooo!
Guy in flat top: You suck! [others laugh. The band clears out as the M.C. approaches the mic]
M.C.: Alright, that was "Sisters of Mercy Hold No Pain Against the Dark Lord," with their song, "Silk Blood On The Footsteps Of My Mind (Revisited)"
Singer: We got the best response. We'll be opening for Phil Collins for sure.
M.C.: And now it's time for our final band.
Guy in Audience: Thank God! [others laugh]
M.C.: Give it up for "Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld!" [the curtains part amid a smattering of applause to reveal the Lords of the Underworld and Timmy rolls up to the mic. The audience is stunned]
Skyler: 1 2 3 4 [the Lords launch into their song]
Timmy: Timmih! [a riff] Timmih! Lehmeheuh! [confused looks on people's faces] Timmih!
Man 1: Duhude, that handicapped dude ruhules!
Man 2: Oo-yee-hee-yeh-hah!
Man 3: You guys are terrible! How could you laugh at that poor kid?!
Timmy: Timmih Timmiihh! Timmehuh Timmih Timmiihh!
The Lords: Lords of the Underworld.
Timmy: Timmih, Timmiih!
The Lords: Darkness fills my heart with pain.
Timmy: Timmih oo livin' a lie! [the four boys arrive]
Stan: Dude, it's Timmy.
Kyle: No way! [Timmy says something incomprehensible]
Man 3: They're ridiculing that singer! ["habah kulaa!"]Come on, let's get outta here! [leaves with two others]
Timmy: Sibilah Sibinlaahh! [keeps babbling]
The Lords: The Lords of the Underworld.
Timmy: Timmih, Timmih Timmitimmi Timmiih!
The Lords: Darkness fills my heart with pain. [the song ends. Someone is carried across the field by the crowd]
Timmy: Timmehahh! Timmeh Timmeh Sibinlah Timmih Sibinlah Timmih. Timmuh Timmuh Timmuh. [one last power chord] Timmeh!
Cartman: That was awesuhome!
Stan: Yeah, Timmy ruhules!
Woman: Boys! You shouldn't laugh at him! He's handicapped!
Stan: But he's funny.
Woman: How would you like to be handicapped?! Do you think that would be funny?! You're making him feel bad!
Timmy: [basking in the applause] Hehaahh!
Stan: He looks pretty happy to me.
Woman: Oh, you people make me sick! [walks away]
M.C.: Dude, this is a no-brainer. This year's Battle of the Bands winner and the band that gets to open for Phil Collins at Lalapalablala.is… TIMMY!
Crowd: [roars in approval] Wooo!
Jonesy: [flexes his arms] We did it, dude!
Skyler: [moves forward] Listen to them. They really love me. [bows] Wooo!!
Crowd: [responds] Wooo!!
Skyler: Yes! I'm a rocker! [he and Jonesy throw their arms up in victory]
[PSB presents Charlie Rose]
Charlie Rose: Tonight, we analyze the new rock sensation, Timmeo [a clip of it at the Battle of the Bands], the controversial new band that has taken the country by storm. [the crowd cheers and holds up "TIMMY" signs. A woman lifts up her blouse to reveal her bra] Already playing at several large venues this month [the band is shown coming off a plane. Cameras flash at Timmy with the Lords of the Underworld behind him], the band prepares for its biggest gig, Lolapalooblaza, where they will open for Phil Collins. But Phil Collins is not happy.
Phil Collins: [in the middle of a street holding his Oscar] Well, I thinks it's a horrible tragedy, idn't it? I mean, people aren't gonna see Timmy for his musical skills. They're laughin' at 'im, and I think you shouldn't laugh at people with disabilities!
Man: [appears in the background and points at Phil] Hah haha.
Phil Collins: Society has to learn how to be more compassionate! This is gonna stop if I have to stop it myself!
[Bus stop, next day. Stan and Kyle await the bus]
Kyle: Dude, did you see that stuff Phil Collins was saying about Timmy?
Stan: Yeah, what a dick. Timmy's five times more talented than he is.
Cartman: [arrives with Kenny and speaks mellowly] Hey guys, have you been takin' your Ritalin?
Stan: Huh? No, we're not actually gonna take that stuff.
Cartman: No, dude, you gotta try it. [hands a bottle to Kyle] It makes you feel good.
Kenny: [also mellow] (Good.) [Kyle takes a couple of pills, then tosses the bottle to Stan]
[South Park Elementary, day, kitchen]
Chef: Hello there, children.
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: Hello, Chef.
Kenny: (Hello, Chef.)
Chef: How's it goin'?
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: Very well, thank you.
Kenny: (Very well, thank you.)
Chef: [incredulous] Everything's fine?? Why??
Stan: Because we're on Ritalin.
Chef: What??
Kyle: We all have Attention Deficit Disorder. So we all started taking Ritalin.
Cartman: It really takes the edge off, man. You should try it. [shakes two pills out of his bottle and swallows them]
Chef: So that's why all you children are acting so damned boring!
Kyle: That's correct, Chef.
Chef: Damnit, children, you don't need drugs to make you pay attention in school! In my day, if we didn't pay attention we got a belt to the bottom! Now they're tryin' to cure everything with drugs!
Kyle: Yes, but now we don't have any homework, so we can go see Timmy play downtown at Mile High Stadium
Stan: Oh boy oh boy.
Kenny: (Oh boy.)
Chef: Oh, it makes me sick! Those damned psychologists prescribe all kinds of medicines to you children without even carin' about the side effects.
Stan: But there are no side effects, Chef.
Kyle: No, not at all. [Cartman looks away and a Christina Aguilera monster appears]
Christina Aguilera monster: Rown! [Cartman rubs his eyes, and she's gone]
Cartman: Did you guys see that?
Stan: See what?
[MTV News. A satellite revolves around the logo]
Announcer: You're watching MTV, the cool, brainwashing, twelve-year-old-and-younger station that hides behind a slick image. We're so cool that we decide what's cool. And now, MTV News, the news that is singlehandedly dumbing down our country. Which is cool. Here's your host, Kurt Loder
Kurt Loder: [framed by seven monitors showing the following: the MTV logo, The Cure's Robert Smith, a rotating Earth, Marilyn Manson, KoRn, Elton John, and Rick James] Why am I still doing this? I've got to be the oldest person in this network by at least 40 years.
Announcer: [the logo takes up the whole screen] Kurt Loder didn't just say that. No way, he did just say it, but just to be cool. That's what makes him cool. You think Kurt Loder is cool. And now, the news that's cool.
Kurt Loder: Well, it's only two weeks until Lalapalalababa, and the headlining band has changed. Now headlining the event is Timmy [a sh*t of him], the new h*t sensation out of Colorado. This news came as a shock to the performer that was going to headline Lalapalabala, Phil Collins.
Phil Collins: [now in South Park with his Oscar] Well, I think the sad question is, "Where are the parents in all this?" I mean, that kid's parents are lettin' him be exploited, and they don't even seem to care.
Kurt Loder: [A limo with police escort pulls up to a house] And so, Phil Collins decided to travel to South Park and personally pay Timmy's parents a visit. [Phil gets out of the limo and goes to the front door]
Phil Collins: [in the living room] Well, I mean, why are you lettin' 'em do this to your son? Don't you see that everyone's just laughin' at him?
Richard: Richarrrrd!
Helen: Helennnn!
Richard: 'Oodleahah.
Kurt Loder: Phil Collins warns that a novelty band that makes fun of the handicapped should not be allowed to play Lalapalablalala, and vows to do everything in his power to stop it. Phil Collins, by the way, divorced his wife via fax and then married a 27-year-old. I'm Kurt Loder, and that's the news.
[South Park Elementary, day, Mr. Garrison's class. The school bell rings]
Mr. Garrison: Okay, children, let's settle down! [the class is seated and attentive] Huhh I mean it; I want quiet! [the class is already quiet] My God, Mr. Hat, these children are so boring on Ritalin. [Clyde rubs his nose] Huh, ah! Alright, children, today we're gonna learn about human reproduction. What do you think about that?! [draws the words out slowly, but the class remains silent] Vaginas, and penises. Butt sex. [no one moves] Well, damnit, Eric, don't you have some smartass thing to say?!
Cartman: [Clyde is a bit shocked] What kind of smartass thing would I say, Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison: [grabs his head a few times] This is driving me crazy!! I can't handle you little bastards being so mellow!!
Kyle: Gee, you seem a little stressed, Mr. Garrison. Why don't you try some Ritalin? [has the bottle out. Mr. Garrison thinks a bit, then goes for the bottle, opens it up, and chugs some pills down]
Cartman: There you go. [smiles, then frowns]
Christina Aguilera monster: [comes out from behind Mr. Garrison's desk] Rowr.
Cartman: Whah!
[Mile High Stadium: "Tonight Only. TIMMY!!! Sold Out."]
A singer: Thank you, South Park! Good night!
Jonesy: [exits the dressing room with the other band members] Alright, let's rock this house! Hello Miami!
Timmy: Timmiihh! [Skyler trails the others, and Phil Collins appears in a hallway intersection next to the dressing room]
Phil Collins: Excuse me, Skyler Moles?
Skyler: [stops and turns] Yeah?
Phil Collins: Nice to meet you. I'm Phil Collins.
Skyler: Oh, yeah. You're opening for us as Lalapalazabla.
Phil Collins: I just wanted to tell you that, well, I think that you're a great guitar player and song writer.
Skyler: Oh, thanks a lot. I appreciate that. Gotta run. [turns and starts walking away]
Phil Collins: It's too bad those other guys are holdin' you back.
Skyler: [stops and looks back] Huh?
Phil Collins: Well, I mean, it's obvious all the talent and artistic vision in the band comes from you. Strange, how everyone focuses n Timmy, idn't it? I mean, even the name of the band is "Timmy,"
Skyler: Nuh-nn, the name of the band is Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld.
Phil Collins: Look, I used to be in a band, too. Genesis. And all those bastards did was hold me back and hold me back. But then, finally, I went solo. And that's when I started writing really great songs. But look, if you happen to be on the sidelines, you know, bein' more of a cheerleader than a player, well, then I guess you should stay on as Timmy's shadow.
Skyler: [dejected, walks away and looks back] Uh, thanks man. See ya.
Phil Collins: That should just about put an end to all this Timmy nonsense. [kisses his Oscar]
[Mile High Stadium, later.]
Timmy: Timmuh! [the Lords of the Underworld have finished their song]
Jonesy: [leads the others into the dressing room] Another great show, man. There must have been a hundred thousand people out there.
Skyler: [tosses his guitar aside] Yeah. All of them chanting "Timmy, Timmy."
Timmy: [rolls in] Timmih!
Jonesy: What's the matter, Skyler?
Skyler: The name of the band is Timmy AND the Lords of the Underworld, not just Timmy.
Timmy: Timmiihh!
Skyler: And the Lords of the Underworld!
Timmy: Timmiihh!
Skyler: It's always about you, isn't it?! I'm sick of it! Timmy gets all the applause! Timmy gets all the chicks! Well, you know what?! Forget you, man!
Mark: Skyler, Timmy is what made our band famous.
Skyler: [spins around and points] Shut up, Monsy! You can stay and deal with Mr. Egomaniac here, but I'm novin' on! [heads for the door] I don't need Timmy! [grabs Monsy's guitar on the sofa] I'm goin' solo!
Timmy: Timmiihh!
Skyler: [at the door] No! Don't try and stop me, man! [turns to exit] I'll see you on fame's backside. [leaves]
Timmy: Ooo livin' a lie!
[Cartman's house, next day. The boys are on the sofa watching Terrance and Phillip. Stan has his Ritalin, Cartman has the remote… and a pan on his laps. He's eating bacon]
Phillip: Terrance, what brand of pants am I wearing?
Terrance: [bends to look] Let me see. [Phillip farts on him and they crack up]
Phillip: How do you like that, Terrance?
Stan: Let's watch something else.
Kyle: Yes, let's. [Cartman starts channel-surfing, then stops]
Announcer: You're watching VH1.
The Boys: Ahhhh.
Anchor: Here's Lalapalalala's news. The h*t group Timmy has broken up.
Stan: Oh dear. Timmy's band broke up?
Anchor: And so, Phill Collins is back on as the headliner. The opening band now will be Timmy's guitarist Skyler's new solo project, Reach for the Skyler.
Kyle: You know something? I think that's good. It was wrong to make Timmy a singer.
Stan: Yeah. Phil Collins was right. People laughed at Timmy, and Timmy should be at home, where he's protected from laughter.
Cartman: I agree. You know what, you guys? We should go to the concert anyways and see Phil Collins.
Kyle: Yeah. I think Phil Collins rocks the house.
Stan: Sounds good.
Cartman: So it's decided: Phil Collins concert for all of us. [a Christina Aguilera bug is crawling all over Kenny] Hooray. [looks] Oh oh. Hold still, Kenny. [takes his pan and swings it at Kenny. It strikes, and Kenny's face is smashed in. Kenny falls forward, hits the floor, and a puddle of blood forms under him]
Stan: Oh my goodness, you k*lled Kenny.
Kyle: Bastard.
[The Marsh house. Several parents are gathered in the living room. Chef speaks]
Chef: Parents, I called you all together because I think you might be making a mistake puttin' your children on Ritalin. [Along with Stan's parents, Kyle's parents, Tweek's parents, Liane Cartman, Craig's parents, and another set of parents are present]
Randy: Uh, but our kids have Attention Deficit Disorder, Chef. They can't pay attention in school without it.
Chef: I know you wanna help your kids, but I brought over a videotape to show you that there are alternatives to Ritalin. There's this doctor in Northern California who is doing really amazing kids with children who have ADD. I want you to watch this tape. [puts in the tape. The VCR does the rest]
Dr. Shay: Hello, I'm Dr. Richard Shay, here to tell you about exciting new drug-free treatment for children with Attention Deficit Disorder. [three kids are in a classroom setting, acting up. Dr. Shay enters] This treatment is fast and effective and doesn't use harmful drugs. Watch closely as I apply treatment to the first child.
Girl: [Dr. Shay walks up to her and listens as she rattles off] I want a horse. I want a big brown horse with a brown-and-black tail, and a diamond tiara- [he smacks her behind the ear] Ah!
Dr. Shay: Sit down and study! [she looks at him scared, then picks up a book and opens it, looking at him all the while. He moves on to the boy in the middle desk]
Boy 1: Woohoo, let's go sledding, let's go race and race, let's go! [Dr. Shay smacks him too, making him turn aside. He turns back]
Dr. Shay: Sit down and study!
Boy 1: [looks at him, then starts crying] Wwaaahahahah [Dr. Shay smacks him again! The other boy stops and looks]
Dr. Shay: Stop crying and do your schoolwork! [the boy opens his book. He and the girl start reading. The Dr. moves over to the other boy, and he just cracks open his book and reads. The doctor address the camera] If you would like more information on my bold new treatment, please send away for this free brochure, entitled, "You can either calm down, or I can pop you in the mouth again." Thank you. [Chef turns the tape off]
Chef: Well, what do you think? I can have Dr. Shay come to South Park for a small fee.
Sharon: That video had pretty colors.
Gerald: It sure did.
Chef: What the? Damnit, have you all been taking your children's Ritalin too?!
Parents: Yes.
Chef: Awww, fudge it! [throws the remote aside. The boys enter]
Stan: Chef, are you going to the Phil Collins concert tomorrow?
Chef: The what??
Kyle: Phil Collins is playing Lalapalala's, and because we're all doing so well in school now, our parents said they would take us.
Parents: Yes.
Chef: Hold on a second: you children want to go see Phil Collins?
Kyle: Yes. His flowing melodies are really enjoyable to us.
Chef: Oh my God!!
Kyle: Come, see him with us.
Cartman: Yes, come with us. Come with uusss. Haaa, it's Christina Aguilera agan! [runs around] She's on my back! Hah! [leaves]
Chef: That does it! That Ritalin has affected your little cr*cker brains too deeply! I'm going to go see that damn phramacist!
[South Park Pharmacy, after hours. The pharmacist and the clinic doctor are talking, and the doctor counts some money]
Pharmacist: Look at that. Ritalin stocks are up ten points.
Clinic Doctor: That's easily another twenty grand apiece! [the pharmacist laughs and Chef arrives]
Chef: [pounds on the door] Hey, open this damn door. [the doctor and pharmacist cover the money and go to the front door.]
Pharmacist: Can I help you?
Chef: Yes you can! What the hell are you two doin' prescribing all the children Ritalin?!
Clinic Doctor: Well, they've all been diagnosed with ADD. That's Attention Deficit-
Chef: I know what it is! But now you've got a town full of zombie children from the planet Zandor.
Clinic Doctor: Huh?
Chef: All around the country, you bastard doctors are giving children Ritalin! And for every one child that actually needs it, you give it to 50,000 that don't!
Clinic Doctor: Hey now, don't tell us our business, Mr. Chef. Why, we-
Chef: You're damn right I'll tell you yo' business, because you two have got your heads up your asses! Thanks to you, we have children in our town that like Phil Collins!
Pharmacist: Eh wuh, what?? [he and the doctor are shocked]
Chef: That's right! You've made them so dull and boring that they'er actually going to go to a Phil Collins concert!
Clinic Doctor: Mm- my God. What have we done?? [beings to weep]
Pharmacist: Well, if I had known… Phl Collins, uh, my God! [beings to weep as well]
Chef: Well, how do we reverse the Ritalin?!
Clinic Doctor: We uh… have to convince them not to take it, but, ahah ih it'll be hard to get it away from them.
Chef: Then we need an antidote!
Pharmacist: Yes, of course.
Clinic Doctor: Uh, what's the antidote for Ritalin?
Pharmacist: I have some right here. [takes a bottle from a medicine case] It's a compound called "Ritalout."
Chef: Alright. Come on, we've got to get the antidote to all the children. Quick! [rushes out]
Welcome to
LALAPALALAPAZA!!
[Townsfolk file in. Music is piped in before the concert]
lalapalalapaza 2000
Phil Collins: [the crowds clap to the rhythm]
Last night I went, "O!"
Bubudio
Last night I went "Bubudio"
Chef: [leads the doctor and pharmacist to a lemonade stand.] Here. We can put the Ritalin antidote in these drinks and hand them out to the children. ["Last night I went 'Bubudio.'" The pharmacist starts placing the Ritalout tablets in the drinks]
Phil Collins: Last night I went, "O!"
Bububudio. [takes a bow. People clap a bit]
Randy: Wasn't that great, son?
Stan: Sure was, Dad.
Gerald: It's so wonderful to be on the same wavelength as our kids.
Chef: [arrives with a tray of lemonade] Here you go, Stan and Kyle. Free drinks on me. [Kyle reaches for his drink and takes a sip]
Stan: Oh, thank you, Chef. How nice. [takes a glass. He and Kyle drink at the same time as Chef leaves]
Phil Collins: I know. I'd like to sing the complex and amazing song that won me the Oscar, a song entitlted, "You'll Be In… Me." [goes to the piano, sets the Oscar on the piano top and starts playing it] Thanks.
You're inside of me.
Deep inside of me. [Chef hands drinks to more kids]
So deep inside, I can feel you pushing against my heart.
Chef: Come on, drink it down. It's free.
Cartman: You'll be inside of me…
Christina Aguilera monster: [appears on his shoulder] Rowr.
Cartman: Huh? Oh no! Agh! [tries to shake it off as it nibbles on his shoulder] Get off me! Get off me! Somebody help!! Please?? Somebody get it off of me!! Get it off of me.
Stan: I feel… different.
Kyle: Yeah. [the monster munches loudly on Cartman]
Cartman: Get off of me, Christina Aguilera! Alright?! Please! Hegh, hegh[the monster still munches on him as he rolls on the ground]
Chef: [arrives] Drink this, Eric. [pours the lemonade Ritalout into Cartman's mouth, and the Christina Aguilera monster dissolves] God help me! Heh, get it… [turns over on his stomach] She's gone! Thank God!
Phil Collins: [looks at the audience] Well, thanks! [continues playing. The camera focuses n Stan and Kyle…]
Stan: Wait a minute! Phil Collins sucks ass!
Kyle: Yeah! What the hell were we thinking?! Boooooo!
Chef: [returns to the doctor and pharmacist] I think it's working.
Audience: Booooo!!
Phil Collins: [stops the music] Shut your filthy holes, you little bastards!
Stan: Get off the stage, Phil Collins! We want Timmy!
Kyle: Yeah!
Phil Collins: You just wanna laugh at him.
Stan: No! [steps forward] You see, we learned something today. Yeah, sure, we laughed at Timmy, but what's wrong with laughter? Just because we laugh at something doesn't mean we don't care about it. Timmy made us smile, and playing made Timmy smile, so where was the harm in that? The people that are wrong are the ones that think people like Timmy should be "protected" and kept out of the public's eye. The cool thing about Timmy being in a band was that he was in your face, and you had to deal with him, whether you laughed or cried, or felt nothing. That's why Timmy rules!
Kyle: Yeah! Tim-my! Tim-my!
Audience: Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!
[A desert near town. Mark and Timmy stand outside, Jonesy sits on the running board]
Jonesy: Man, it sucks not being part of Lalapalabala. [The cry begins to reach them: "Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Mark: Yeah. ["Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Skyler: [returns to the band] Hey dudes. ["Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Jonesy: Skyler, what are you doing here?! ["Tim-my! Tim-my!"] Isn't Reach for the Skyler supposed to play soon? ["Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Skyler: They booed Phil Collins off the stage. Everyone's chanting for Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld. ["Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Mark: ["Tim-my!"] Oh, so now that they want us, you think you can waltz, um, back into our lives and be in the band again? ["Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Skyler: I don't expect anything. Timmy, I-gh… Well, I just wanted to say we had some pretty rockin' times, dude, and… maybe I let fame and Phil Collins go to my head… ["Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Timmy: Timmih! ["Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Jonesy: [stands] Wow. They really are chanting for us. ["Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Mark: Hn they want us back. ["Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Skyler: What do you say, Timmy? ["Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
Timmy: Rrr, rrr, uh, Timmih. ["Tim-my! Tim-my!"]
The Lords: Alright!
[The Lalapalalapaza concert.]
Host: Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, it is my pleasure to introduce the reunion tour of Timmehuh!
Timmy: [rolls up to the mic] Timmiihh, and the Lords of the Underworld! [Skyler looks over at Timmy with pride, then starts the band up] Timmiihh! [he's learned to move like the other band members do] Timmih! Livin' a lie-ah! [Stan and Kyle grin. Kyle then waves. Chef, the pharmacist and the doctor sway to the music] Hidilah Timmy! [his parents, Richard and Helen, are there] Timmuh- Timmiihh! Timmehuh Timmih Timmiihh!
The Lords: And the Lords of the Underworld.
Phil Collins: [being moved over the audience] Put me down, you filthy bastards! [he's turned face down, and his Oscar is sticking out of his ass] Awwww!
Timmy: Timmiihh uluh-livin' a lie!
[end credits roll, and Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld play on. End of Timmy 2000] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x03 - Timmy 2000"} | foreverdreaming |
[The Marsh house, night. Some of the families are gathered there]
Randy: Okay, is everyone ready to go?
Sheila: Oh, I'm so excited. I've always wanted to see Cirque du Cheville.
Sharon: Me too. We were lucky to get tickets. [calls out] Come on, boys! We're gonna be late. [the boys, dressed in their Sunday best, walk in with heads down in resentment]
Liane: Oh, don't they look precious?
Stan: Why do we have to dress up? Isn't this just a circus, with elephants and lions and stupid clowns
Sharon: No, Stanley. Cirque du Cheville is French-Canadian. They get acrobats and singers from all over the world and then do very artistic things..
Kyle: Awwww!
Grandpa: [rolls up] Why the hell do you wanna take these boys to see that fufu French theater crap? You're gonna turn them into poofders!
Sharon: Dad, Stanley needs to see the arts!
Grandpa: Well, he doesn't need to see a bunch of frogs prance around in tights and make-op wrappin' their peckers around each other's faces!
Sharon: Come on, everybody, let's go. [the others turn and head out the front door.]
Grandpa: [follows] Close your eyes and cover your ears, Billy! Remember, you're a man.
[Cirque du Cheville, night. Folks are streaming in to get seats. Next, under the Big Top]
Sheila: Oh, this is so exciting
Sharon: Oh, look at the funny clown, Stanley.
Stan: Where? [a clown appears next to him, and he looks up] Oh, no. [the clown pulls out an umbrella and a bicycle horn, squeezes the horn and gets showered by the umbrella. The adults laugh, and the clown offers him the umbrella] Ha ha, very funny, thank you, goodbye. [the clown insists Stan take part, and the parents laugh at the sound of the horn] No, thank you. [the clown tries again] Go away, please.
Cartman: He doesn't want your dumbass umbrella, clown! b*at it! [Liane smacks him on the back of the head] Ow. [the clown tries once more with Stan. Stan rolls his eyes, takes the umbrella, and is showered by it when the clown presses the horn. The crowd roars with laughter as the clown revels in his cleverness]
Randy: You didn't know that was gonna happen, did you, Stanley? [Stan looks up angrily]
Cartman: [comments] Oh, God, that was soo funny! Oh, man, somebody stop my guts frm bursting out of my sides! [the clown gets mad as Cartman talks, then takes the umbrella from Stan and walks away in a huff]
Announcer: [affecting a French accent] Ladies and gentlemen, please, no smoking and no flash-photography during Sarque du Son Bleu
Cartman: [echoes the announcer] Sarque du Son Bleu. [sticks his tongue out. A performer comes out and starts singing] Oho, we've reached warp factor 5, captain.
Liane: Eric, sshhhh. [the performer is joined by men rolling by in wheels behind him and others prancing by in front. The parents smile in awe]
Kyle: How long does this thing last?
Stan: Two hours.
Cartman, Kyle, Kenny: Awwwgh.
[Cirque du Cheville, later. A troupe of twelve dancers leap high and drop down again. The parents are still in thrall, and their eyes follow the dancers' leaps. Cartman is now asleep. Some time elapses, and a singer sings her song. The other three boys are getting sleepy. The smiles are gone from the parents' faces. The singer is shown with a two-person high-wire act overhead. Little "birds" pop out from her dress and dance around. A new act appears, and Stan is falling asleep on his left hand. Kyle and Kenny seem more awake. An invisible man in a visible suit walks on, and a clown jumps out of the floor in front of him. The clown and the man shake hands, and the clown rips the man's right arm off. A new act comes on, and Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are really drowsy. The curtains open to reveal five girls, and they come forward to dance]
Sharon: Ooo, these are the contorting quintuplets from Romania. [Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are curious. Each of the quints lays on her stomach and puts her feet over her back and on her head.]
Kenny: (Woohoo!) [Stan and Kyle stir, and Kyle nudges Cartman]
Cartman: Wha-what? Another gay guy in feathers? [the quints pile on to make an X, then roll off and reposition themselves into a circle]
Kyle: Whoa. [a few twirls, and the middle one is thrust into the air. The two girls on the outside leap up and land on the other two's heads and catch the middle girl, to form a pentagon. Then they form a large cat, then a t*nk,…]
Stan: Damn, dude. […then the Eiffel Tower, and finally, a Tyrannosaurus Rex. The crowd cheers]
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: Yayy!
Kenny: (Oh yeah! Woohoo!)
[Cirque du Cheville, dismissal. The crowd exits the tent]
Sheila: Oh, that was wonderful!
Sharon: Yes. Too bad it was their last show, or I'd go see it again.
Kyle: Those contorting Romanian chicks rule.
Cartman: Yeah, especially that second one from the left. She was fine!
Kyle: Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?! They're identical!
Cartman: Not that second one from the left; she had it goin' on! [they pass "LE SOUVENIRS," a booth manned by a clown dressed in yellow.]
Clown: [the boys turn to see him] Don't forget to buy your souvenirs, folks. [the adults gather and clamor for the items on display. As they do, the boys talk]
Stan: Damn, dude, do you see how much money this place is raking in?
Cartman: Yeah. I could prance around in tights and sing opera too, for that kind of cash.
Kyle: Hey, we should start our own Cirque du Cheville.
Kenny: (Yeah.)
Stan: Yeah. This one's moving out of town, so we could take over. [the boys turn to leave]
Kyle: Let's go practice. [they exit]
[Dressing Room #1. "Vladchick Contorting Quintuplets" is written over a star.]
Grandmama: Hurry up, girls. We must bundle up against the cold.
A Quint: Did we do good final show, Grandmama?
Grandmama: Very good, my girls. I only wish it weren't your last show. I love this country so very much. [a kncok on the dressing room door, and two stern men walk in]
Romanian official: Mrs. Vladchick, it is time. It is time to return to Romania.
Grandmama: Yes, yes, of course. Just give me vone second to finish getting them ready. [the men leave, and she looks to the dressing room window. She walks over, opens the window, turns, and] This way, girls. Quickly. [the girls head for the window. Grandmama lifts them out one by one.]
Quint #2: Vhy are we going out the window, Grandmama?
Grandmama: Your mother did not want you to grow up in Romania. This is our only chance. [drops the girl off outside]
Romanian official: Nid kelmin da bushka.
Attendant: Nid kelmin da lushka velt
Romanian official: Nid kelmin da bushka ayn zolt! [the men laugh, the attendant looks at his watch]
Attendant: M-Mrs. Vladchick? [the men enter and find the open window and no one at all]
Romanian official: Dash fam da bushka!
[Cirque du Cheville, outside the main tent. The two Romanian men rush out]
Attendant: They're trying to defect! [they rush up to the end of a dock just as Mrs. Vladchick and her granddaughters take off in a dinghy]
Romanian official: [pumping a fist] Cauch! We need a boat. [sees two men in a rowboat, about to leave. He and the attendant walk over to them and gives one of the oarsman some money]
Oarsman in vest: Where to, Mack?
Romanian official: [gets on the boat] Follow that boat. [the attendant gets on, and the four men row away]
[The Marsh house, living room. The boys have bought a CD of the show, and Kenny sings to the instrumental of one of the songs. Kenny is wearing the costume the first singer wore. The other three are practicing… um… Stan tries to leap into Kyle's arms, but they end up tumbling on the floor. Cartman runs forth and does some cartwheels, but lands on a coffee table, breaking it to pieces.]
Stan: Dude, this isn't working.
Kyle: It's Kenny's singing!
Kenny: (Hunh?)
Cartman: Yeah, Kenny, you have to sing better!
Kenny: (I'm singing as good as I can!)
Stan: Well, it's not good enough, Kenny! You have to get better! Try it again! [Grandpa rolls by and notices the boys in dance poses]
Grandpa: Aha, I knew it. They turned you into poofders.
[Stark's Pond. Grandmama and the girls zoom away.]
Romanian Official: There's nowhere to go, Mrs. Vladchick. Pull over! [the rowboat has caught up to the dinghy. Mrs. Vladchick looks back, then looks forward. They are closing in on a dock full of expl*sives, and she looks on in horror]
Grandmama: Okay girls, the Cam Ay Alta. [the girls pile on Grandmama and form a tower, each female grabbing the head of the one below her. The top girl grabs a branch with a free hand, and all swing up in the air as one. The dinghy goes on with the rowboat in pursuit]
Romanian Official: Be careful, Gabul! Be careful, Gabul! Yaaah! [the rowboat runs into the dock and they both blow up. Pieces of the four men fall from the air.]
Top Girl: Did we do good, Grandmama?
Grandmama: Very good, Glacas.
[The Marsh house. Snow falls outside. The other boys have gone home]
Stan: I'm tired, Grandpa.
Grandpa: No, Billy! You're gonna stay here and watch more McGyver. We've gotta get all the Frenchy-poo f*g-nasties out of ya. [the doorbell rings] Who the hell would be ringin' the doorbell at this time of night?
Stan: I don't know. [walks over and opens the door] Whoa. [before him are the contorting Romanian quintuplets and their Grandmama, all shivering. Randy and Sharon show up in their pajamas]
Grandmama: We are very sorry to disturb you. My granddaughters are cold and tired. Is there any possibility we could pay you for a place to sleep?
Randy: You're from Cirque du Cheville. [Grandpa shows up]
Grandmama: Yes. We- missed our train. If we could shelter here; it would only be for one night.
Randy: Well…
Sharon: Well, of course you can. Come in out of the snow. [the girls grin and enter]
Grandmama: Oh, thank you so much. [walks in]
Sharon: There's some spare bedrooms upstairs, Mrs.…?
Grandmama: Vladchick. [Sharon escorts her and the girls upstairs]
Grandpa: That Grandma is not a bad piece of ass.
Randy: Ew, Dad! Not in front of Stanley!
Grandpa: Well, it's good for 'im.
[The McCormick house. Kenny is in his room with three books on his bed.]
Kenny: [reads "Learning to Sing Better"] (Let's see… No, not there) [tosses the book away and picks up "The Essence of Voicing"] (Let's see. Nothing there) [tosses it away and picks up "Singing like Bocelli for Dummies"] (Let's see… here!) [pulls out a tape and pops it into his tape player]
Narrator: Hello, and welcome to: "Singing like Bocelli for Dummies." Lesson 1: Yaaayayeha!
Kenny: (Yaaayaya.)
Narrator: Lesson 2: Hehyayaya hehyayaya!
Kenny: (Hehyayaya hehyayaya!)
Narrator: Good: And now we'll do the entire piece, "Con Te Partirò" [music begins to play]
Kenny: [leafs through the book] (Con Te Partirò?) [leafs some more and find it. A rat crawls onto the bed as Kenny looks at the tape player, looks around and leaves. Kenny begins to sing…]
(…Su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono più.
con te io li rivivrò.
Con te…)
[…and it becomes background music as the camera pans over to…]
[The Marsh house. Grandmama Vladchick is in her nightgown combing her hair. Grandpa Marsh rolls by]
Kenny: (…partirò.)
Grandpa: [startles Grandmama] Got everything you need there, do ya?
Kenny: (Su navi per mari)
Grandmama: Yes. You're avefully soo kind to my little granddaughters.
Kenny: (che, io lo so,)
Grandpa: They're quite agile little things, aren't they?
Kenny: (no, no, non esistono più.)
Grandmama: Yes, as I was back in my day. I was a contortionist, too.
Kenny: (con te io li rivivrò.)
Grandpa: Y'don't say. [strokes his chin]
Grandmama: Yes.
Grandpa: You…
Kenny: (Con te…)
Grandpa: …remember any of that stuff, do ya? [she's flattered.]
Kenny: (…partirò.
Su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono più.)
[as Kenny sings, Grandpa returns to Mrs. Vladchick's room naked… and without the wheelchair. She lifts up her left leg over her head, then lets it go. Kenny's getting into the song. The tape speeds up a bit…]
(Io con te…!)
Grandpa: Ah. [A leg wraps around his chest] Oh. [a second leg wraps around his head] Ah! [an arm appears, then Mrs. Vladchick's head, then a third leg…] Oh. [Kenny is seen on bended knee on his bed during the last note, as Grandmama Vladchick and Grandpa reach climax.] Oh-oooh-oooh!
[The McCormick house, Kenny's room. The music stops with a thump and Kenny collapses on his bed exhausted]
Narrator: And now lesson 4: the complete works of Mozart. Let's begin.
Kenny: [looks at the radio] (Damn!)
[The Marsh house, morning. Randy and Sharon are in the kitchen enjoying some coffee]
Sharon: What should we do, Randy? I like these Romanians fine, but I hope that old woman isn't planning on staying here much longer.
Randy: Heh, it's 11 o'clock and she's still sleeping.
Sharon: Poor dear must be tired.
Grandpa: [rolls in] You're damn right she's tired.
Randy: Huh?
Grandpa: Oh, nothin'. She's just gonna have a little trouble walkin' today is all. [rolls out].
[The Marsh house, outside. Stan leads the other three boys in the side gate and to the backyard]
Stan: Hurry up, you guys!
Cartman: What's going on?
Stan: Dude, you're not gonna believe this.
Kyle: What?! [they all turn, and the quints stand before them]
Quint 1: Hello.
Quint 2: Hello.
Quint 3: Hi.
Quint 4: Hello.
Cartman: No way! The bitches from Cirque du Chebleu!
Stan: Yeah. They're quintuplets from Romania.
Kyle: What's a "quin-tuplet"?
Quint 2: Ve are twins, except there are five of us instead of two.
Kyle: But there's only four of you.
Quint 2: No no, Natalia is just playing mirror, but it's with Nadia.
Nadia: [steps out from behind Natalia] Hello.
Kyle: So if you're identical, does that mean you all think alike?
All five quints: No, don't be ridiculous.
Stan: Will you guys be in our Cirque du Celville?
A Quint: You have your own?
Stan: Well, not yet. Kenny has to get better at singing first.
Kenny: (Hey!)
Cartman: But as soon as he starts singing better, we're all gonna make bank!
Quint 1: Okay.
Quint 3: Sounds good.
Quint 2: Count me in.
Quint 5: Okay. [quint 4 says nothing, and the others look at her]
Quint 4: …Oh, and me.
The boys: All right!
[The Marsh house, kitchen]
Randy: Alright, we've gotta figure out what to do. I'm gonna go wake her up. [leaves, reaches Grandmama's room, and knocks] Hello? Mrs.… Mrs., Old Romanina Woman? [knocks twice more] Ma'am? [opens the door, looks in, and ants are heard buzzing around. Mrs. Vladchick is stiff, mouth open, arms up as if holding someone. Randy shuts the door in horror, then opens it and looks in again to be sure, then shuts it again, horrified]
Grandpa: [rolls up] Well, all tuckered, is she? Ha ha ha ha.
Randy: [serious] No, Dad.
Grandpa: A little cottony in the crotch? Hr hr hr hr.
Randy: No, Dad, she's d*ad!
Grandpa: What?! [Randy opens the door and looks away, Grandpa rolls in to see for himself] Oh, dear Jesus!
Randy: It looks like she had a heart att*ck.
Grandpa: No wonder she didn't say good-night.
Randy: [stares at him, then leans away] …Ew!
[The Marsh house, the backyard]
Stan: Okay, hold it, hold it. [climbs over Cartman and Kyle to form a tower. The quintuplets have ex*cuted their X formation. Stan is trying to stand when all three boys tumble to the ground. The quints break their formation and drop down]
The boys: Ow! [Randy and Sharon walk out and approach the kids]
Sharon: I don't know how to tell. You tell them. [they stop]
Randy: Uh, girls, we… have some bad news.
Quint 5: What?
Randy: Um… [Sharon holds his hand] Everyone who has a grandma, step forward. [Stan and Cartman step forward, then the girls] Uh, not so fast, girls. [Sharon gasps and glares at him. The girls step back, then realize what has just happened. They begin to sob]
Sharon: Randy! [amid the sobs, some of the quints have questions]
Quint 2: Grandmama is d*ad?
Quint 1: What are we going to do now? [Randy and Sharon stand there helplessly]
Cartman: [in a low voice] You guys, come here. [steps forward. The others join him] This is totally awesome.
Stan: What?!
Kyle: How can you say that?
Cartman: Because now we can convince them to stay here, and now our circus will kick ass!
Kyle: Oh, yeah!
Stan: [rushes up] Mom! Dad! Can the quints stay with us? Please? Can they?
Randy: Well, Stan, it's not really our-
Stan: They have nowhere else to go. [presses hands together] Please?
Sharon: Well, for the time being I, I mean, of course they can stay.
Stan, Kyle: Hooray!
Cartman: Hooray!
[The Marsh house, the backyard, some days later. Neighborhood men and women walk up to a fenced-in area of the yard in which the quints play with varous toys and balls]
Reporter: Tom, I'm standing at the home in South Park where five precious little girls have been rescued from Romania. Their mother passes away some months ago, and then their grandmother died trying to bring them here. But all is well now, and people are coming from all over the country to view the little tykes. [someone takes a picture] If you'd like to come down and visit the quintuplets, admission is only $5, and for a few dollars more ["FEED THE QUINTS! One Dollar" A man buys some fishsticks], you can feed them fishsticks.
A Quint: [hops up and down, then opens her mouth for a fishstick the man drops down to her] Mmm.
Reporter: Tom, it looks like these cute little girls have made it out of that armpit of a country they call Romania.
[Romania, day. Government officials watch the report in a run-down office]
Reporter: Yes, luckily for them, these quintuplets no longer have to live in Romania, the assh*le of the world. [a last sh*t of the quints is seen] Back to you, Tom.
President: This is not good. It makes our country look poor and stupid.
Romanina Official: This could k*ll our tourism.
President: You know what to do. [they salute him and leave.]
[South Park School of Music]
Instructor: [at the piano] Alright, Kenny, let's start with some warm-up exercises. [plays the sequence C E G C G E C]
Kenny: [sings along] (Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha) [his mom looks on. The instructor and Kenny move on to the D and E scales.]
Mrs.McCormick: Well, what do you think? Can you help him become a better singer?
Instructor: Well, he's got potential. Depends on how good he wants to be.
Kenny: (Well, let's do it then!)
Instructor: Well, if you wanna be a real singer, you need to go to a conservatory in Europe. There's no other alternative.
Kenny: (Europe?)
Mrs.McCormick: We can't afford that.
Instructor: Well, then, I'm afraid your son will always be a hack.
Kenny: (Awww.)
Mrs.McCormick: Well, Kenny, if it means that much to you, maybe we can bus it to Europe and… you can sing on the way to make money.
Kenny: (Yeah.)
[The Marsh house, breaking news music is heard. Sharon rushes into the kitchen]
Sharon: Randy, Randy, you'd better have look at this. [exits to the living room]
Randy: [follows her out] What? [The boys and the quints watch the news. Shaon and Randy join them]
Anchor Tom: …until the U.S. government receives this video, which was sent from Romania just hours ago.
Man: [reading a statement at g*n] Hello. This is Romanian father. I am desperate to have my girls returned to me in Romania.
Randy: Uh-oh.
Stan: That's your dad?
Quint 2: Maybe.
Quint 1: But we haven't seen papa for more than five years.
Man: How I've missed them all. Little Nahlal.
Voice: [his the man on the head with the g*n, k'chunk] Nadia!
Man: Nadia, my sweet Barshta
Voice: [k'chunk] Baltania!
Man: Baltania, eh anyway, my heart is aching for their return. I, I know the American government will do what's right. [the TV is turned off]
Kyle: Hoh no, dude. If they get sent back to Romania, we'll never get our Cirque dei Ceville going.
Stan: [gets up and runs to his parents] Mom, Dad, you're not gonna send tham back, are you??
Sharon: Well, I… think we… have to,… don't we? [looks at Randy]
Randy: I don't know.
Kyle: [the girls look at him] You don't wanna go back to stinky Romania, do you? It sucks there.
Cartman: Yeah. America is sooo much cooler. In Romania they just oppress you and try to bring you down.
Sharon: We'll have to call the police and see what they want us to do. [she and Randy walk away]
Cartman: Damn, we might be screwed.
Stan: No! We've just gotta convince these chicks that America kicks the ass out of every other country. Come on! [walks off]
[South Park Train Station. Kenny and his mom await the train. Kenny launches into "La Donna E Mobile." Mrs. McCormick holds a "Trying To Get To Europe" sign. The other boys take the quints to South Park Funland]
Cartman: [in a log ride with the other seven, passes a lumberjack scene] You see, in America we have… log rides! [Kenny and his mom are at a bus terminal in Denver. A couple passes by and drops some money into the hat. Next, Cartman and friends are at Burger Cook, a fast-food restaurant] Bacon double-cheeseburgers! [Kenny and his mom are now at Coyote Bus Lines in St. Louis at night. A man peeks through a door, another man drops some money into the hat. Next day] Sheep-shearing contests!
22nd Annual Sheep Shearing Contest
[A man sheas a sheep with a shearer as the eight kids and four adults watch]
A fan: Yeah. Woo hoohoohoo. Yeah. [the girls look on expressionless. Keeny and his mom are now at JFK International Airport in New York. Kenny gets some more money]
Cartman: [showing the others around a three-story shopping mall] And shoppong malls! Hooray! [the girls are grinning. Kenny finally lands in Europe and goes out through gate 96]
Welcome
To Europe!
Coziest Little
Place On Earth!
Elevation 4200 ft.
Kenny: (Woo hoo!)
[the U.S. Capitol. The Romanian father and two Romanian officials sit in Janet Reno's office]
Romanian Official: [no beard] Mrs. Janet Reno, you must understand, the father has right to his children.
Janet Reno: [flanked by two agents in riot gear] Yes, but the girls seem to wanna stay here. Why don't you all stay here in America, and this whole thing can go away.
Mr. Vladchick: Okay. [the official smacks him with the back of the hand] Heh!
Romanian Official: Our home is Romania. We love it there.
Mr. Vladchick: Ah, yes, uwuh we love it there.
Romanian Official: If daughters will not return on their own, you must force them to return
Janet Reno: Gentlemen, this has to be handled very delicately. You don't understand Americans' power to protest.
Romanian Official: Protest?
Janet Reno: Look, people have it so good in America that they get bored very easily. And when people get bored they start protesting things.
All three men: Oh
Janet Reno: But I want to assure you, and the Romanian people, that we are going to do everything in our power to make this as confusing as possible. [the Romanians already look confused]
[South Park, the Marsh house, day. A crowd of protesters lobby in front of the house]
Protesters: Let the quints stay! Romania is gay! Let the quints stay! Romania is gay!
Lone Protester: Fur is m*rder! Fur is m*rder! [notices the stares] Oh, what are we protesting here?
A Protester: [with a "No Romania" sign] Romania sucks!
Lone Protester: Oh, let's see [flips through his signs: "FREE KEVORKIAN," "SLEEPING BAGS k*ll," then "ROMANIA SUCKS"] Here we go. Romania sucks!
Protesters: Romania sucks! Romania sucks!
Sharon: [looks out through the window. "Romania sucks! Romania sucks! Romania sucks!"] Oh my God! I didn't know this was going to become such a big deal.
Randy: ["Romania sucks!"] That'll teach us for taking an old lady and her granddaughters out of the cold.
Lead Agent Collins: [backed by 11 other agents and a humvee] Attention, people inside the house! [Randy and Sharon look] You must return the quintuplets to their father! You have until… [lowers the bullhorn. An agent comes up and whispers] Oh yeah, that's good. [back on the bullhorn] You have until Easter Sunday to comply.
Protester: Nooo!
Protesters: Boooo!
Collins: What?! [the protesters g*ng up on the agents, beating them with their signs]
[The Marsh house, Stan's room. Stan and friends are oblivious to the action outside]
Stan: Okay, let's try it again. Hup!
A Quint: Hup! [she leaps into position to complete the arch. Kyle and Cartman dive through and get up]
Kyle: Alright!
Randy: [enters] Stan, we- [the sight of the undressed boys stops him]
Sharon: Stanley, we have some bad news. The courts have decided the girls must go back to Romania.
Stan: No, they can't! We've convinced them that they want to stay in America.
Kyle: Yeah, we've shown them amusement parks and malls. How can you expect them to go back now??
Randy: I'm sorry, boys, but Janet Reno is having them taken away on Easter Sunday. We… don't have a choice. Sorry, girls. [he and Sharon walk away]
Stan: Now what do we do?
[The Marsh house, outside, day. Several days have passed, and now the protest crowd is larger, and news cameras are present]
Reporter: Tom, it is now Easter morning, and as the U.S. government promised, they are here to take the girls back to their father in Romania. Rumor has it that Janet Reno herself will be extraditing the quintuplets. [just then, a helicopter flies in and hovers over the house. Janet Reno, dressed in a bunny suit, waits in the open door to be lowered]
Soldier: Alright, Ms. Reno, let's go over the plan.
Janet Reno: Right.
Soldier: We'll drop you on the northwest corner of the backyard. You hop into the back of the house and find the quintuplets. When you see them, you say…
Janet Reno: "Hello, girls. I'm the Easter bunny."
Soldier: Good. And then hand them the Easter eggs filled with tear gas. Are you ready?
Janet Reno: Ready.
Soldier: Code blue!
Janet Reno: Code blue! [drops down onto the yard]
[Romanian School of Music, day. Kenny is heard singing. He is onstage as his song ends, and his mom joins him with three other people]
Music Instructor: Lad, we would like very much to have you here at the Romanina Music School.
Kenny: (Woohoo!)
Mrs. McCormick: How much is all this gonna cost?
Music Instructor: Don't worry, Ms. McCormick, Romania is very poor country. Apartment is cheap. Food is cheap, Everything is cheap because we are so God-damned poor.
Assistant: Yes, your two hundred American dollars will last months here.
Mrs. McCormick: Wow, what a great country. Everybody's poor, like us.
Kenny: (Yeah.)
[The Marsh house, day. Protesters and police mill around the front yard]
Janet Reno: [enters the kitchen through the back door] Hello, girls. I'm the Easter bunny. [sees nothing but furniture before her. She pulls out a sub-machine g*n and moves forth] Happy Easter, kids. Come see what I brought for ya. [Stan, his parents, and the quints watch TV in the living room, and Janet Reno peeks at them. Terrance and Phillip are heard on the TV. Janet Reno pulls back and flattens herself against the kitchen wall]
Phillip: Hey, Terrance, I think I have to fart. [Reno pulls out an Easter egg and throws it at the girls. It ends up right in front of them]
Terrance: Wait. Before you do, pull my thumb.
Quint 2: Oh, look. An Easter egg.
Randy: Oh, shi- [the Easter egg unleashes its tear gas, and all cough and choke]
Lead Soldier: That's it. Let's move, move move move, move! [breaks through the front door and leads the other police offcers in.] Give us the kids, now! Now!
Officer 1: Down on the floor. Get down on the God-damned floor! [more officers stream in as Sharon drops down to the floor and assumes the fetal position]
Officer 2: Find them!
Janet Reno: [bursts through the master bedroom door] This is a bust! Hand over the quints! [police offiers are already there looking for them under the bed and in dresser drawers. Reno joins them and heads for the closet. She opens a sliding door and find Randy holding Stan in his arms] Hand over the children! Happy Easter. Hand over the children!!
Grandpa: [rolls in] What the hell's goin' on?! [all g*n point to him]
Officer 3: Freeze, assh*le!
Grandpa: Aw, go ahead and sh**t me! I dare ya!
Officer 3: Don't push me, man!
Grandpa: Pull the trigger, you little p*ssy!
Officer 3: Gaahhh! [aims away from Grandpa and lets loose with g*n]
Officer 4: g*n! g*n! [fires into the room. Reno drops down to avoid getting h*t. b*ll*ts riddle the wall]
Janet Reno: Down! Down! [outside, the protesters back away from the house]
Protester: Riot! Riot! [protesters now move forward againts a wall of police]
Officer 5: Pepper spray! Pepper spray! [the police harder their line, pull out their cans and spray the protesters, who drop down immediately coughing. The house blows up. When the smoke clears, Reno and two officers are seen carrying the quints away. They reach a black van and toss the girls inside.]
Officer 6: Go ahead! In the van! [Reno goes in, followed by the other officers. One of them barks an oder to the driver, and the van leaves the scene.]
Stan: [standing in front of the ruins] Damnit, now I'm never gonna have my own circus!
[Romanian School of Music, day. Kenny performs in front of a full house. He finishes his song and the audience erupts in applause. Roses rain down upon him as he takes his bow.]
Music Instructor: Oh, your son is so talented, Ms. McCormick. The people of Romania love him.
Mrs. McCormick: Good job, Kenny.
Music Instructor: Mrs.McCormick, we would love for you and your son to stay here in Romania, with us. Wwill you consider it?
Mrs. McCormick: Well, what do you think, Kenny? You'd have to leave your friends and your family behind.
Kenny: (Sure!)
Music Instructor: Alright!
[The Marsh house, day. The protesters leave one by one. The Marshes stand in the b*mb-out ruins]
Sharon: Oh, Randy, it's gone! It's all gone!
Cartman: [arrives with Kyle] Dude, what the hell happened?
Stan: The government came and got the quintuplets. No more Cirque du Cheville for us.
Kyle: Damnit! How come every time we get a sweet idea, the government has to screw it up?!
Stan: Yeah! Well, not this time!
Cartman: Huh?
Stan: We've just gotta get that angry mob back on our side! [addresses the mob] Alright, everybody, listen up! Those bastards broke in here and took those poor quintuplets to the mayor's office downtown! But they haven't won yet! I say we all go over to the mayor's office, and demand to see the quintuplets right now!
Protester 1: Hmm.
Protester 2: Yeaahh.
Protester 3: I don't know. I usually like to stop protesting by 5:30.
Protester 4: Yeah, ah, do we get overtime for this?
Stan: Uh, sure, you can all get overtime.
Protester 5: Alright!
Protester 6: Yeah!
Protester 7: Down with Japan! [the mob moves away]
[An office. Janet Reno and the two officers meet the Mayor and her aides for a photo-op. The photographer takes his sh*t.]
Janet Reno: Alright. We just need to get a few more pictures of the girls reunited with their father so everyone knows they're happy. [The girls are shown with their grinning father. Two of them sit on his laps, the other three stand in front]
Photographer: Come on, girls. Smile. [the girls look downcast] We want you to look happy. Smile. [works a sock puppet on his left hand] Look at the silly frog. Who's got the silly frog? Look at him. I've got- Look at him. It's silly. "I'm so silly." [the girls still have their eyes cast down]
[Romania, day. A news report on TV]
Stuart: Ah, hello? This is Kenny's dad, back in America. I miss my son very much. I would like to see him returned to me so that the U.S. government will buy me a new car and- [the butt of a r*fle strikes the side of his head] Ow! I mean, bec- because I miss my son very much. [looks to his right] Man.
[A United States Air Force checkpoint, later. Cartman, Kyle, and Stan approach, and a soldier intervenes]
Stan: Hey! We wanna see the quintuplets!
Soldier: You can't see them, boys. They're happily reunited with their father.
Stan: [whistles a signal] Come on, angry mob! [the mob appears behind him. All of them move forward and overrun the checkpoint. A lagging protester runs over a fallen soldier]
Soldier: Aaa-a-a-aaa-ah.
[The USAF office. Reno has taken her mask off and stands next to the girls. Behind her are six officers, and next to them are the two Romanian officials and Mr. Vladchick.]
Romanian Official: [the bearded one] Alright, it is time for us to return to Romania.
Janet Reno: [hears something] What is that?
Officer 7: [at a window] It's the protesters. They're back.
Janet Reno: God-damnit! We'll take care of them. Come on! [leaves the office]
Officer 8: Let's move. Move!
Officer 7: Come on, come on, come on.
Officer 9: Come oonn, come oonn. [they follow Reno out, leaving the quints alone. The officers engage the protesters on a runway]
Officer 10: This is government property!
Protester: Let the quints stay! [Reno and Sharon head for each other]
Sharon: You ruined my house! [strikes Reno down with a sign. The quints look out the window, then turn around. Quint 2 hops off the bench and walks away]
Quint 1: What are you doing, Nadia?
Nadia: I'm calling the only person in the vorld who can help us. [picks up the receiver and starts dialing. The other girls look at each other.]
[A USAF airfield, later. Protesters and officers are still brawling. Stan and Kyle each kick an officer on the shin.]
Cartman: Take that! [kicks an officer on the shin]
Quint 3: [heads towards the b*ttlefield and addresses everyone] Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! [the other four quints are with her. w*apon and signs are lowered]
Quint 1: All of you are acting like idiots!
Stan: Yeah.
Quint 1: None of you care about us. You only care about yourselves!
Quint 2: Look at you, Father. You walked out on us five years ago [he removes his hat and holds it tight], and now you act like you miss us sooo much! You are a liar and a fake!
Cartman: Yeah, you suck, dude!
Quint 3: And you Romanian leaders [both of them are there], you don't care about us! All you care about is making America look stupid!
Cartman: Yeah! God, you guys are dicks!
Quint 3: And you protesters! Don't you have anything better to do?! Get a life!
Cartman: Yeah!
Quint 3: And you boys are the worst of all!
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: Huh?
Quint 3: You know nothing about Romania, and yet you assume America is so much better! Maybe Romania isn't as nice as America, but it is our home! We are Romanian! All you care about is your own stupid circus! [at this point, a limosine pulls up behind them. It's from the Oprah show. The driver opens the back door and the girls head for the back seat]
Janet Reno: [has a protester in a headlock] Where are you going, girls?
Quint 1: The only place we can go. We're going on Oprah and then a book tour. [turns and climbs in, followed by three others]
Quint 5: Yes. You can all kiss our little white Romanian asses! [wiggles her ass at the crowd and climbs in. The limo leaves and everyone is left in a state of shock.]
Stan: Oh, well. Doing our own circus was a dumb idea anyways.
Cartman: Yeah, screw them!
Kyle: Kenny was never gonna get his singing right anyway.
Stan: Whatever happened to Kenny?
[Romania, day. Romanian protesters with signs bearing a picture of Kenny's head lobby in front of the house Kenny's in.]
Romanian Protesters: Let Kenny stay! Let Kenny stay! Let Kenny stay! [a van pulls up and officers pour out]
Officer 1: [sternly] Alright, people, the father wants his son returned to him! Hand him over to us!
Romanian Protesters: Boooo!
Officer 2: Shut up, Romanians! All right, let's go. Move move move move! [bursts through the front door. Officers pour in and look all over the place for Kenny. They enter the master bedroom, and look under the bed and in dresser drawers. One of them head for the closet and opens the sliding door]
Officer 3: [seeing Mrs. McCormick holding Kenny] Hand over the boy, now!
Mrs. McCormick: Okay, okay!
Officer 3: I mean it, lady, you've got about-! [his machine g*n goes off, riddling Kenny with b*ll*ts. His mom is distraught and drops Kenny] Woops.
[End of Quintuplets 2000] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x04 - Quintuplets 2000"} | foreverdreaming |
[Kneey's house, day. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny sit around a Monopoly-type board game in Kenny's room]
Cartman: Okay, Stan, I'm gonna you… a UFO crash-landing card! [tosses it in front of him] You can deny it, or cover it up.
Stan: Dude, I don't understand this game at all.
Cartman: It's "Investigative Reports with Bill Curtis" funtime game. You have to decide if you deny it or cover it up.
Stan: Um, deny it?
Cartman: Okay, let's see what Bill Curtis says. [presses an electronic Bill Curtis head]
Electronic Head: [trembles from side to side] Hello, I'm Bill Curtis. Many believe that the U.S. Government… covered it up. I'm Bill Curtis.
Kyle: Alright, Cartman. I'm gonna give you… a jail-time card. [tosses it in front of him] You lose a turn.
Stan: Sweet.
Cartman: Oh yeah?! Well, I'm gonna give you… AIDS! [tosses the card in front of him]
Kyle: What?
Cartman: I just gave you AIDS.
Kyle: AIDS?! [looks confused]
Stan: Dude, that's not cool. Don't give Kyle AIDS.
Cartman: Kyle has AIDS, and now loses 47 turns [Kyle turns angry] and 800 points. [camera pans back, and Kenny's parents appear at the door with arms around each other]
Mrs. McCormick: Kenny, your dad and I are thinking about having another baby. Wouldn't you like to have another brother or sister?
Kenny: (No.)
Stuart: [tickling his wife] We just might get workin' on it later tonight, huh huh huh. [they walk off giggling]
Cartman: God-damnit, poor people suck! Your family is already on welfare, and now they're gonna bring another kid into the world. Poor people are turning out babies, adding to the overpopulation, and they're expecting me to pay for it with my tax dollars.
Stan: You don't pay tax dollars, Cartman! You're eight!
Cartman: …You see. [stands] Gaw, this is just what I've been talkin' about! I can't even relate to you guys anymore because you're too immature!
Kyle: What?
Cartman: I've gotta start hanging out with friends that are a little more intelligent, and understand …politics and stuff. It's just that… I'm up on this level up here [hovers his right hand at eye level], and all my friends are down here [hovers it at stomach level].
Kyle: You don't know what you're talking about, fatass!
Cartman: Nononono! Me h'myah [hand at eye level], you guys myah! [hand at chest level] — maybe a little mo down, down in hyah. [hand at foot level. Then he straightens up] SCREW YOU GUYS, I'M GOING HOME. [turns around, walks out, and towards the front door.]
Electronic Head: I'm Bill Curtis.
[Cartman's house, a few minutes later. Cartman paces the floor in his room. Next to him is a computer]
Cartman: I've outgrown all my friends. I need to meet more mature people, Clyde Frog. [looks at Clyde Frog for a few seconds, then] Oh, great idea, Clyde Frog! [walks over to the chair and hops on] I can meet new friends on the Internet! [clicks the mouse and presses a few keys, then the computer chimes. A list of chat rooms comes up] Here's a chat room: "Men Who Like Young Boys" [moves the cursor to the title and clicks on it] That's perfect. [starts typing] Hi everybody! I am a young boy seeking an older male for good times. I am eight years old and would li- [replies start cascading over his message] Wow! Look at all these guys who wanna be my friend! I'll pick… Tony316. [click on Tony's reply and starts typing] Hi Tony. [clicks and reads the reply] "So what are you into?" [replies] Oh, you know, the usual stuff. Smiley-face. [clicks and reads the reply] "Kewl. Wanna get together? [softer] Smiley-face?" [replies] Sure, Tony! That would be… kewl. Winking, smiley, face. [clicks and reads the reply] "Meet me at Mel's Buffet restaurant tomorrow morning." [replies] Sounds good. See you then! Clown hat, curly hair, smiley-face. [clicks, then brightly] You see that, Clyde Frog? Tomorrow I'm gaonna meet my first mature friend!
[Mel's Buffet, next day. Cartman enters and approaches a man seated alone in a booth.]
Cartman: Hi, are you Tony? [the man looks unusually friendly]
Tony: Yeah. You're -Eric?
Cartman: Yeah! [gets into the booth and sits next to Tony]
Tony: [meekly, hands a bag to Cartman] I brought you some candy.
Cartman: [takes the bag] Wow, cool!
Tony: [hands him two books] And some books on Kama Sutra.
Cartman: Neato! Having older friends kicks ass, uh! You see, I've, I've really been having a tough time. I've kind of matured faster than my other friends [Tony places his hand on Cartman's back and starts rubbing with an open smile]; we don't really relate anymore, and, and uh, alright uh, all my friends seem so childish now.
Tony: Yahahahah like having your back rubbed?
Cartman: Heh, yeah! That feels real nice! Thanks. [two agents burst through the main door and head for Tony and Cartman]
Agent: Hold it right there, scumbag!
Tony: [hands off Cartman] Huh?
Cartman: Huh?
Agent: [pulls out some handcuffs] We monitored your little online chat. [cuffs Tony] Now you're coming with us! [hauls him away]
Tony: [meekly] No! [the two agents whisk him outside]
Cartman: [concerned] What the hell just happened?
[Kenny's house, early morn. Kenny's tossing in bed, apparently in a nightmare. His dreams are shown, and in each a parent carries a baby]
Mom: You can't eat, Kenny. We have to save food for the baby.
Dad: Your mom and I are going out for a few weeks, Kenny. Take care of the baby.
Mom: Kenny, you have to change the baby's diapers!
Dad: You have to share your room with the baby!
Mom: The baby.
Dad: The baby!
Mom: The baby!!
Kenny: [wakes and sits up] (HAAAAAAAAGH!) [looks around]
[Kenny's house, living room sofa, later. Stuart is still trying to get his wife in the mood]
Mrs. McCormick: [giggles] Stop it!
Stuart: Come on, let's go try to get you pregnant again.
Mrs. McCormick: Oh, alright. [they get up and move when Kenny arrives with glove and baseball]
Kenny: (Dad, I wanna play catch.)
Stuart: Huh? Uh, I'll play catch with your later, son.
Kenny: (But I wanna play now!)
Mrs. McCormick: Oh, go ahead. We can make love afterwards.
Stuart: Aw, alright.
[Kenny's house, front lawn. Kenny stands in the driveway and Stuart stands in front of the tattered sofa]
Stuart: Well alright, here comes a pop fly. See if you can catch it! [tosses it high, but straight for Kenny's glove. Kenny catches it] Good job. Now throw me one. [Kenny takes the ball out of the glove, looks at it in anger, and sh**t it straight for his father's groin. Stuart doubles over in pain and covers his crotch] Ohp! Guhhogh! [groaning, he ends up on his side, then throws up]
Mrs. McCormick: [opens the door and rushes out] What happened?!
Stuart: Aw, he smacked me in the balls! [groans some more. Kenny tosses the glove to his mother]
Kenny: [goes inside] (Woohoo!) [Stuart groans some more, then vomits]
[Cartman's house, day. He's back at the computer in his room]
Cartman: Okay, we'll try this again. [starts typing as BigBoned] Hi, everyone. I am a young boy looking for fun times with older male. I like to- [again, his screen fills with cascading replies. He picks one] Oh, this one looks good: HungDaddy. [starts typing] Hello, HungDaddy. [reads the reply] "Hi. I'm eight and a hal inches." Damn, dude, this guy's tiny. He must be a dwarf. [replies] Sorry, I'm not interested in being friends with midgets. Midgets piss me off. Frowny face. [clicks and moves on] Lemme see, how about this one?
[The South Park docks, day. Cartman walks towards the end, where a man in trench coat and baseball cap looks out over the water.]
Cartman: [draws close to the man] Mister Hammerhead?
Mr. Hammerhead: [turns around and is instantly recognizable] Hi there.
Cartman: Mr. Garrison??
Mr. Garrison: [startled] Haah! Eric!
Cartman: You wanna be my friend?
Mr. Garrison: Oh, crap!
Cartman: That's cool, we can hang out. What do you wanna do first?
Mr. Garrison: Huh-uh, nothing! Nothing! [four agents appear and head for him]
Agent: Alright, scumbag, we got you!
Mr. Garrison: [voice quivering] Hey uh, uh, uh. Good thing you guys came. This… little boy was trying to have his way with me.
Agent: Nice try, buddy! We monitored your little online chat—now, you're coming with us! [the four agents, two on either side of Garrison, take him away]
Mr. Garrison: No-o!
Cartman: Why the hell does the FBI keep arresting all my friends? This has to be the work of Stan and Kyle! God, I hate those guys!
[South Park Clinic, day. Stan and Kyle stand before a picture window.]
Kyle: See? I told you, dude. Those are dialysis machines. [elderly people are seen hooked up to them] Old people have to hook themselves into it with a tube, and it sucks all their body fluids out.
Stan: Oh, man, that's terrible.
Kyle: I know, hunh? Put your mouth against the glass like this. [plants his lips wide on the glass and blows out] Waaaaah! [as the seal takes hold, his cheeks puff up and the inside of his his mouth shows clearly — it is a blow face. Stan smiles]
Stan: Haha, he-yeah ha. [makes his own blow face] Haaaaah.
Kyle: [makes the blow face and wags his tongue at the patients] Bleuh-leuh-leuh-leuh-leuh.
Stan: [does the same] Blaaa-lalalalalalala.
Cartman: [walks up] Alright, just what the hell do you guys think you're doing?!
Stan: [looks and then faces him. Kyle follows] We're making faces at sick people.
Cartman: No! I mean, what the hell are you doing?! Why are all my mature adult friends being "mys-teriously" arrested, huh?! [Stan and Kyle are confused and look at each other]
Stan: We don't know.
Cartman: I'll tell you why! Because you guys are jealous and can't handle the fact that you're immature, and so you've started a government conspiracy against me!
Kyle: We don't know what you're talking about, lardbutt.
Cartman: Lardbut. Oh, that's so mature! Golly, I guess I was wrong about you guys, huh?!
Stan: You're not more mature than us, Cartman!
Cartman: YES I AM!! [Stan and Kyle back up a bit. Cartman turns and walks away]
[South Park Police Department, day. Mr. Garrison and Tony are in the cell, and Officer Barbrady sits at a desk with his feet up]
Mr. Garrison: I'm telling you, this is all a terrible mistake, Officer Barbrady.
Officer Barbrady: Well, the FBI said I have to hold you here, so that's what I'm gonna do, Mr. Complainy Pants.
Mr. Garrison: O-ogh! [returns to the bed and sits]
Tony: Do you like having your back rubbed.
Mr. Garrison: Eat me, pervert!
Tony: Okay. [some commotion is heard outside. A group of men is seen approaching and the front door opens. The men walk in and approach the desk]
Man: We demand you release these men at once!
Officer Barbrady: Who are you?
Man: We are NAMBLA, the North American Man Boy Love Association, and we heard about these political prisoners you're keeping?
Officer Barbrady: Political prisoners? No, these are child molesters.
Man: Loving young boys has been around since the time of the Romans, pal! There's nothing wrong with it! We are an organization dedicated to showing that sex between a man and a young boy can be a beautiful thing!
Other NAMBLA Men: Yeah, uh-huh.
Officer Barbrady: [stands up] Uuuh, I don't know who you are, but these men aren't going anywhere until I hear from the FBI.
Man: Hate mongerer! Hate mongerer!
Other NAMBLA Men: Hate mongerer! Hate mongerer!
Officer Barbrady: Okay people [the men fall silent], I think you'd better move along before I arrest more of you!
Man: All these men wanted was to love a young boy! [pounds the table a few times] There is nothing wrong with love!
Mr. Garrison: I did not want love from a young boy! I like men my own age. [gasps and shrieks] Aah! I mean, I like women! What did I say?-Oh God! I love titties!
Man: You haven't heard the last of us, officer! Together we are strong. [turns and heads for the door] Come on, men! [the others follow him out, chattering]
Officer Barbrady: [sits back down and plops his feet up] Wow, they've got activists for everything these days.
[South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch, night. Dr. Mephesto and Kevin are at a lab table]
Dr. Mephesto: I've done it, Kevin. I've successfully spliced this chipmunk with a piece of provolone chese. [the "cheesemunk" groans] Do you know what this means, Kevin? No more will the world have to look in two different places for squirrels and provolone cheese. No more will mankind have to pick- [the doorbell rings] Who could that be? [walks over and opens the door] Why, it's little Eric Cartman.
Cartman: Dr. Mephesto, I need help.
Dr. Mephesto: Well of course, come in.
Cartman: [follows Mephesto and Kevin in] You see, unfortunately I have matured faster than all my friends. I wanna hang out with older friends, but I can't find any, so I was wondering if you could genetically engineer some older friends for me.
Dr. Mephesto: [stops and faces him] Oh, Eric, I'm afraid it's not that simple. Genetic engineering has not yet evolved to the state where I can just make people.
Cartman: Damnit! But I wanna hang out with older guys!
Dr. Mephesto: Oh. Well, I happen to be a member of an organization that can help you. It's called, NAMBLA.
Cartman: NAMBLA?
Dr. Mephesto: Yes. I have been a member for several years. I'm sure they'd let you join. You l-look about right.
Cartman: Hokay, thanks, Dr. Mephesto! [turns and walks out]
Dr. Mephesto: Sure!
[South Park Inn. "No Vacancy" "Welcome NAMBLA." Inside, the NAMBLA leader speaks to the group in a meeting room. On either side of him are portraits of men with boys on their laps. More picture line the walls]
Man: [henceforth, NAMBLA leader] Fellow members of NAMBLA. As you know, hn hn, we continue to be discriminated against. Recently, the FBI has started to arrest men, who are doing nothing more than trying to start a sexual relationship with a young boy.
Members: Awwww.
NAMBLA leader: And now that all ethnic groups, h*m* and womens are protected under civil-rights laws, [pounds on the podium] we want the same!
Members: [weakly] Yeah.
Eager Man: Yeh-hehah-hah.
NAMBLA leader: What we need is proof that young boys want to be members of NAMBLA. That they want love from us. We need a poster child, to show the world that it is a beautiful and wonderful thing and a- [Cartman enters and takes a seat. Men in the back row look on with some awe.] Can we… help you?
Cartman: Yes. I'd like to join your fine organization. Is that cool?
NAMBLA leader: You… do?
Cartman: Sure.
NAMBLA leader: [greatly relieved] Oho, thank you. Thank you, Jesus.
Cartman: [looks around] …Sweet.
[South Park Clinic, day. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny stand before the picture window. Stan and Kyle make blow faces again. The patients are dismayed. Kenny soon makes a blow face. His parents walk up]
Mrs. McCormick: Well, Kenny, the doctor confirmed it. I'm pregnant! You're gonna have a little brother or sister.
Kenny: (No!!) [the camera zooms in on him]
Mrs. McCormick: Yup, it's for sure!
Stuart: And he fixed my shattered left testicle, too!
Mrs. McCormick: Don't be out too late, Kenny. We need to start movin' stuff out of your room. [the parents walk away]
Kyle: Wow. Your mom's pregnant, Kenny.
Stan: Yeah. Now what are you going to do?
Kenny: (I don't know. But I've gotta think of something.) [turns around and walks away in his parents' direction]
Cartman: [rushes up from the other direction] Nyanyanyanyah nyah nyah! Nyanyanyanyah nyah nyah! I got into NAMBLA and you gu-uys didn't!
Kyle: What are you talking about, fatass?
Cartman: Oh, no big deal. I just found a group called NAMBLA with adult members, and they all think that I'm sure mature they want me to be their new poster child is all. [Stan and Kyle look at each other] It looks like I'm finally gonna have mature friends who I can relate to. Nyanyanyanyah nyah nyah! I'm too mature for you guys! Nyanyanyanyah nyah nyah! [turns and walks away]
[South Park Pharmacy, day. Inside, a young blonde girl approaches the counter.]
Pharmacist: Can I help you, young lady?
Kenny: [wearing a blonde wig] (Yes. I'm looking for some morning-after abortion-)
Pharmacist: Oh, you want some morning-after abortion pills. Well, they're right over there. [points to them. Kenny looks]
Kenny: (Thanks.) [walks over and looks at them. He sees "Morning After Abortion Pills," "Baby - B- Gone," "Get it outta me!" "Fetus Flusher" "Pregnant No More Super Size." He takes the "Pregnant No More" pills to the counter]
Pharmacist: Uh, I'm sorry, young lady, but I can't sell that to you without permission from your parents. [Kenny hands him a note that reads:]
I Hereby
Give My
Daughter
Permission to
Abort her Baby.
- Mother
[he puts down the note] Oh, well, alrighty then. Cash or charge?
Kenny: (Cash.)
[Kenny's house, day. Kenny's in the kitchen mixing a drink. It consists of cocoa, vodka, …and the entire bottle of "Pregnant No More" pills. All 999 of them. In a mug. He finishes, drops down, and heads for the living room]
[Kenny's house, living room. Stuart reads the paper, and Mrs.McCormick is knitting. Kenny enters with the mug]
Kenny: (Look, Mom. I just fixed you a drink.) [a rat climbs onto the sofa headrest; Stuart shoos it away]
Mrs. McCormick: Oh, well that's very sweet of you, Kenny. You made my favorite drink for me.
Kenny: (Here.) [presents the mug]
Mrs. McCormick: But unfortunately, now that I'm pregnant, I can't drink.
Kenny: (What?)
Stuart: Well, I can still drink. [grabs the mug and starts chugging away]
Kenny: (No! Daddy!) [looks on as Stuart finishes the mug off]
Stuart: Ogh, that hits the spot. Makes me forget all about my shattered balls. [seeing Kenny looking at him] What? Wwhat's the matter? Uh, why don't you go make me another one of… of… [his stomach starts to churn, and he holds it] Who-o-oa.
Mrs. McCormick: What's the matter?
Kenny: (Uh oh.)
Stuart: Oh, God, I'm gonna crap my pants! [rushes to the bathroom]
[Kenny's house, bathroom. A sign saying "CRAPPER SWEET CRAPPER" hangs on the wall. Stuart drops his pants and briefs, hops on the toilet, and starts crapping]
Stuart: Oohhh, God! [farts and craps in pain] Oooh, my balls! [Kenny appears at the door. Stuart turns around and vomits into the toilet. He alternates between crapping and vomiting, farting all the while] Ooh, God [more alternating between pooping and vomiting as Kenny just stares]
[Photo-Dojo, day. Members of NAMBLA surround the photographer as he takes pictures.]
NAMBLA Member: Just a few more pictures, Eric. You make a perfect posture child.
Cartman: Thanks, dude. [poses for several sh*ts before a curtain that says "I LOVE NAMBLA"]
NAMBLA leader: [arrives with some other rmembers] Uh hey, Eric, we have a surprise for you. We want to have a big dinner and dance honoring you as our new poster child.
Cartman: Really? Awesome!
NAMBLA leader: Yes, and and we you to um… invite all your young male friends. [the guys behind him start to drool]
Cartman: Oh. Well, sure. I have some friends who want to be mature, [looks back at the camera and mumbles] excluding Stan and Kyle, of course.
NAMBLA leader: Great, hnn. You go invite your little friends, and we'll get the hotel ready.
Cartman: KIIICK ASS!
[Kenny's house, day. Kenny's on the sofa watching television.]
Mrs. McCormick: [off-screen] Kenny?? Don't forget to clean out your room so we can paint it for the baby. [Kenny hops off as one commercial ends. Another one draws his attention.]
Announcer: [echo on] Hey, are you feeling down? You need some excitement. And North Park Funland has just opened its newest ride! The John Denver Experience! [the ride is demonstrated] You'll be Rocky Mountain High with this, the most EXTREME, INSANE RIDE EVER BUILT.
Two Guys: ["ACTUAL TESTIMONIAL"] It was-
Guy 1: [holds up right thumb] -fun.
Guy 2: [holds up left thumb] -fun.
Announcer: Note: people with heart conditions and expectant mothers should not ride the JOHN DENVER! Opne now! Come on down!
Kenny: (Mom!) [walks away]
[North Park Funland, day. People file in. The McCormicks are in line to go on the John Denver Experience]
Stuart: Are you sure you should be going on this thing?
Mrs. McCormick: Oh, it's all right. [in a low voice] You know, I thnk maybe Kenny's been a little worried about the new baby. We have to show him that he's still our little boy. [the line moves forward. Kenny and his parents find seats in the first row. The ride itself is wrapped in the body of a small plane, with a wing serving as a ramp]
Operator: [speaks into a muffled PA system] Folks, please keep your hands and arms inside the John Denver Experience at all times. There's no sense in trying to unloop at the latch at any time during the ride here at the John Denver Experience. Have fun.
Stuart: What did he say? [the ride swings up smoothly, but at the top it swings into high gear, slamming into tha platform during one swing, into a building during another swing, and back and forth this way a few times. Mrs. McCormick is enjoying it quite a bit. The ride ends with a slam into a large pool, where the plane rests upside down] …John Denver Experience.
[North Park Funland, John Denver Experience exit. Riders exit. The McCormicks are the last ones out]
Stuart: Oh, God, my nose! I think I broke my nose!
Mrs. McCormick: Come on, Stuart, let's just get you to a bathroom.
Stuart: Oh, I'm not gonna make it. I'm gonna be sick! [heads for the nearest trash can and vomits into it. A woman carrying her baby moves away. He grabs his stomach] Oh, my stuhomach! [pulls down his pants and poops in the trash can] Oh, my nose! [sneezes blood into the trash can] Augh! [vomits, poops, and sneezes, and this goes on for quite a while. Kenny simply slaps his hand to his head and rolls his eyes.]
[South Park, day. Cartman runs into the boys in front of the South Park Clinic]
Cartman: Oh, Stan, Kyle, just the guys I wanted to see! My NAMBLA organization is having a very important benefit in my honor.
Kyle: They are?
Cartman: We're gonna have a big, mature party at this hotel, and I can invite all my mature friends that I want. And that means I'm gonna invite everybody! Except for you guys! Nyanyanyanyah nyah nyah! Nyanyanyanyah nyah nyah!
Stan: [angry] We don't wanna go to some stupid adult meeting anyway!
Cartman: Well, that's nice, 'cause you can't go.
Kyle: We don't wanna go!
Cartman: You can't go.
Kyle: We don't WANNA go!
Cartman: No, you CAN'T go. [turns around and walks away] Hey, Clyde, Butters, check this out
Stan: Dude, maybe we do need to start being more mature.
Kyle: Yeah. I guess we gotta try to get into that club, too.
[Kenny's house, day. He is asleep again in his room. Another nightmare appears. The scene is a delivery room at Hell's Pass Hospital. Kenny's mom is about to give birth, and Dr. Doctor is there with a nurse and Stuart]
Dr. Doctor: You're doing fine, Ms. McCormick. [sees Kenny sneaking a peek] It's alright, Kenny. Come see the miracle of life. [Kenny approaches and is covered in amniotic fluid as his mom's water bursts]
Kenny: (Eeww.)
Dr. Doctor: I can see its head!
Ms. McCormick: You can?
Dr. Doctor: Push, now. Push hard! [Ms.McCormick holds onto Stuart's hand hard and pushes the baby out. The doctor shields his face] Oh my God. [the nurse screams in horror]
Ms. McCormick: What is it?? [the baby is shown; it is a mutant with long claws and a nasty disposition]
Dr. Doctor: [turns to run] It's ali- [the mutant baby decapitates Dr. Doctor, the nurse, and Kenny]
Stuart: Oh my God, it k*lled Kenny!
Ms.McCormick: Bad baby, bad!
Kenny: [sits up awake] (Huh. Huh??) [looks around and realizes he's awake] (That does it!) [jops off, goes to the bathroom and gets a plunger. Then he leaves the restroom]
[Kenny's house, living room. Mrs. McCormick is reading a book when Kenny enters with he plunger]
Mrs. McCormick: [lowers the book] Oh, hi Kenny. What are ya doin'? [he lifts the plunger and aims it at her] Uh what are you doing, Kenny? [he fixes his gaze on her] Kenny, what are you going to plunge?
Kenny: [rushes at her with the plunger] (AAAARRRRHHH!)
Mrs. McCormick: Aaaaaaah! [jumps off the sofa and runs away] AAAAA! [Stuart arrives as Kenny pursues his mom]
Stuart: Kenny, what the hell are you doing?! [follows them out]
[South Park Inn, day. Schmaltzy music plays as the camera looks at a large sign that says "I LOVE NAMBLA HONORARY DINNER" and has a picture of Eric posing under a spotlight at its center. Present in the ballroom are Cartman, Butters, several other boys, and the men they've partnered up with. The doors open and in walk Stan and Kyle, with their partners.]
Cartman: [sees them] What the hell? [hops off his chair and walks towards them] Hey, what the hell are you guys doing here?! This is for mature people only!
Stan: We got invited too, fatass
Cartman: Hunh. [rolls his eyes] Well, I guess nowadays, they allow any old schmucks into NAMBLA.
NAMBLA Leader: [now at the podium, a little giddy] Fellow NAMBLA members, it is great to see you all here. It seems like we have finally found a city that won't oppress us.
NAMBLA Member Oh, yeah. [others cheer]
NAMBLA Leader: First and foremost, I wanna recognize Eric Cartman, for putting us in touch with all of you pretty, young boys.
Cartman: [graciously, amid some applause] Thank you. Thank you very much. [takes a bow] Thank you.
NAMBLA Leader: Now, I know that many of us have already found partners in this fahine city, and I'd like to take a minute to hear some testimonials from members.
Stan: This is boring.
Kyle: Yeah. [yells] HEY, WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET TO SOME ACTION, HUH?
Member 1: Ho hohohoho
Member 2: Woohoohoohoohoo. [others react similarly, lustily]
NAMBLA Leader: [barely containing his glee] Ho, goodness! What a gift from God! Aha ha, we'll… "get" …to it very soon, I assure you. But first, I'd just like to hear from a couple of you on your progress. Uh yes, Patrick.
Patrick: Uh I, I found a little eight-year-old named Buttehers. He's a beautiful [Butters lights up], bright, little boy.
Butters: Well, uh I sure am, I guess.
Patrick: And his skin is as soft as fresh linen. [the other men savor the statement]
Stan: [to Kyle] That seems kind of… weird.
Patrick: Well, my skin is ssspringtime sssoft, I suppose.
NAMBLA Leader: Wonderful, heh hn. And how about you, Mr. Harris?
Mr. Harris: [with a stammer] Well, I want to announce that I may have found the dream boy of the decade. He's sexy, sassy, and full of spunk. His name is Timmy.
Timmy: TIMMMIHH, tih, Timmih?
NAMBLA Leader: Wuhell, members, I know we're all eager to get acquainted with our new partners and, so why don't we turn down the lights and start to dance! [the DJ starts the music again, and the boys and their partners take the dance floor. Stan and Kyle stay in their seats, as do Cartman and his partner.]
[South Park Elementary, 8:05 p.m., Cafeteria. The main doors are closed as the FBI shows up in force.]
Lead Agent: Alright, I want those perverted bastards all taken in. Got it?
Agents: Got it!
[South Park Elementary, 8:05 p.m., Cafeteria. Inside, Mephesto holds court on the podium in front of a NAMBLA banner, but this NAMBLA is different…]
Mephesto: [Kevin at his side] Hello, NAMBLA members. As the South Park representative- [the doors fly open and the FBI agents fill the room]
Lead Agent: [heading for Mephesto] Hold it right there!
Agent 1: Freeze!
Agent 2: Don't nobody move!
Mephesto: What's going on? [four r*fles and a g*n are pointed at him]
Lead Agent: Alright, sickos. Where are the children?! [the NAMBLA members look at each other confused]
Mephesto: What children?
Lead Agent: This… is… NAMBLA, right?
Mephesto: Yes.
Lead Agent: The North American Man/Boy Love Association?
Mephesto: [startled] What? No! [Points to the banner behind him] We're the North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes. [a sh*t of the members is shown, and many of them do look like Marlon Brando]
Blond Agent: Aw, crap! We got the wrong NAMBLA.
Mr. Garrison: Aw, damnit, I'm in the wrong place. [gets up and walks out]
Mephesto: Don't tell me that that other NAMBLA is actually in South Park?!
Lead Agent: You know of them?
Blond Member: Know of them? We've been fighting with them for years over the rights to nambla.com!
Brunet Member: Yeah, those perverted bastards!
Blond Agent: Wow. You guys really do look a lot like Marlon Brando.
Mephesto: Thank you. Now, let's go get those othe NAMBLA bastards before they hurt any of South Park's children!
Members: Yeah! Yeah!
Black Member: And let's kick their asses for stealin' our domain name!
Members: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
[South Park Inn, evening. NAMBLA members and their boys are still dancing. The NAMBLA leader stpes up to the podium]
NAMBLA Leader: [Cartman stands next to him] Alright, members, that's enough of that. [the music is stopped] It's time for all of us to retire to our respective rooms, and get to know our new young boys. [NAMBLA menbers rub their hands react lustily]
Member 3: All right.
Member 4: Alright.
Kyle: Dude. Being mature is boring!
Stan: Yeah.
NAMBLA Leader: Everyone come up and grab your room keys and we'll head upstairs, hm hm.
[South Park Inn, upstairs. French music begins to play, and the men and boys appear at the top of the stairs and go to their respective rooms. After a few moments…]
The Boys: Aaaaah! [all pour out into the hallway]
Stan: Dude! I think these guys mean to have sexual encounters with us!
Kyle: I know, dude! Let's get the hell out of here! [music resumes. All the boys turn and head for the stairs, only to see shadows moving up the wall, and they stop in their tracks]
Stan: Aah! There's more of them! Quick, hide! [the boys run into room 1A. Mephesto shows up and leads the other look-alikes onto the hallway]
Mephesto: Alright, Marlon Brandos, they've got to be here somewhere. Let's try this room. [they enter 2E. The FBI then arrives amid much commotion]
Lead Agent: Let's get those perverts! [the agents fan out and enter all rooms except 1A and 2E. A waiter heads for the stairs with a tray, but naked NAMBLA members pour out of their rooms and startle him. The tray flies off his hand]
Waiter: Sacre blue! [picks up the tray and heads back to the room he left. The NAMBLA members go into 1A]
The Boys: Whoa! [pour out of 1A and head down the hall to 2E. The door there opens and the Marlon Brandos peek out]
The Boys and The Brandos: Aaah! [the boys run to 1E, the Brandos go back into 2E, and the doors to both are shut]
Mrs.McCormick: [enters the hallway from the stairs] Kenny, no! Leave me alone [heads into 1C]
Kenny: (Come here, mom! Let me get it!) [follows her in. The agents pour out of the rooms and switch places, again avoiding 1A and 2E. Stuart arrives and looks around]
Stuart: Kenny?? [enters 2C. The waiter again heads for the stairs with the tray]
Waiter: Zis time, I will not drop zeh food. [makes it to the top of the stairs, but drops the tray when the NAMBLA members exit 1A] Allo!
NAMBLA Leader: It's clear. The cops are gone. Where's the boys?! [the NAMBLA members enter 2A]
Waiter: [picks up the tray and goes back down the hall, angrily] Sacre bleu! [the door to 2E opens and the Marlon Brandos step out]
Mephesto: I think the boys went in here. [the Brandos enter 1E]
The Boys: [all exit 1E] Aaaaaah!
Timmy: Timmih! [all enter 2D. A poodle on a ball exits 1C and enters 2D. The NAMBLA members exit 2A and head for 1C]
NAMBLA Leader: Maybe the boys are in here. Oh bo-oys? [the NAMBLA members enter 1C. Kenny's mom and Kenny exit 1C]
Mrs. McCormick: Kenny, GIVE IT UP!
Kenny: (Come on!) [both enter 2C. The waiter heads for the stairs again with the tray, but Marlon Brandos and FBI agents pour out of 1E]
Waiter: [falls backwards] Waaah!
Lead Agent: Alright, you're under arrest!
Mephesto: No! You've got the wrong NAMBLA again!
Lead Agent: Damnit!
Agent: Hey, we didn't try that room! [Brandos and agents head for 2A and enter. Two guys in vintage bikes ride across from 2D to 1D]
Waiter: [exasperated, gets up with the tray] Sacre bleu. [walks away, having given up on the stairs]
[South Park Inn, a room. The boys are safe, but tired]
Kyle: [panting] Dude! We're surrounded by perverts.
Cartman: They're all over the place.
Timmy: Timmiihhh!
Token: [Token joins the group] What are we gonna do?!
Stan: Well, Cartman, you got everybody into this, you have to figure out a way to get everybody out.
The Boys: Yeah.
Cartman: Uuh, that's, that's fine. I know how to get us out.
Kyle: How?
Cartman: Well, look. Those perverts aren't going to rest until they've made love to one of us. Right? So,… somebody's just gonna have to go out there and and… take one for the team. [the other boys are shocked at the thought] And I think, in all fairness, it should be Butters. [presents him]
Butters: Huh?? Uh-uh well, huh, why me?
Cartman: Now, are you a team player or not?!
Butters: Well, sure, u-uh I'm a team player-uh, I guess.
Cartman: Well, Butters, there is no I in "team."
Butters: Huh-you mean to expect me to go out there and let all those… huhu-horny old men… have their way with my fragile person?? Well just what team is this anyway?!
Cartman: Just go, Butters. We're running out of time.
Butters: Well uuh-uuh-alright then. [heads for the door. Stan sees him out and Cartman closes the door]
Cartman: Heh, he's such a dumba-a-ass.
[South Park Inn, hallway. Butters is there all alone]
Butters: Well, alright men. Here, here I come. [puts his hands over his eyes and moves across the hall] I'm ready to take one for the team. [enters 1D.]
Stuart: [exits 2D] Kenny?! Kenny, I've had enough of your shenanigans! [enters 1E]
NAMBLA Leader: [inside 1E] Oh, one of the boys just came in. [the members surround him and being their activity…]
Stuart: What the-? No, wait, no, WAH, NO, WAAAAAH! [Butters steps out of 1D, listens in at the door to 1E, turns around and walks away.]
[South Park Inn, outside. The inn has been cleared, so everyone stands outside. An ambulance awaits a victim, who is soon on a stretcher]
Mrs. McCormick: [voice shaking, approaches] Are you alright, Stuart?
Stuart: [sobbing] Don't touch me! I've had my nuts broken, body poisoned, have been made love to in the ass by three dozen 40-year-old men—I just wanna go home and take a, a hot bath! [the NAMBLA members are in cuffs]
Lead Agent: [to NAMBLA Leader] We've been after you for a long time, buddy! Do you know your rights?
NAMBLA Leader: Rights? Does anybody know their rights? You see, I've learned something today. [Stan and Kyle look at each other] Our forefathers came to this country because… they believed in an idea. An idea called "freedom." They wanted to live in a place where a group couldn't be prosecuted for their beliefs. Where a person can live the way he chooses to live. [Stan, Kyle, and Cartman look at each other] You see us as being perverted because we're different from you. People are afraid of us, because they don't understand. And sometimes it's easier to persecute than to understand. [Stan and Kyle look at each other, then at the NAMBLA leader]
Kyle: Dude. You have sex with children.
NAMBLA Leader: We are human. Most of us didn't even choose to be attracted to young boys. We were born that way. We can't help the way we are, and if you all can't understand that, well, then, I guess you'll just have to put us away. [sh*ts of the agents, then the Brando look-alikes, then Stan and Kyle, who look at each other, then at the NAMBLA leader]
Kyle: [slowly, for emphasis] Dude. You have sex with children.
Stan: Yeah. You know, we believe in equality for everybody, and tolerance, and all that gay stuff, but dude, f*ck you.
Kyle: Seriously.
Lead Agent: Alright, that's enough. You're all going to be put away for a long time. [The agents escort the NAMBLA members away. The members groan. The boys gather around Stan, Kyle, and Cartman]
Kyle: Well, Cartman
Cartman: Well, what?
Kyle: Don't you think you owe everyone an apology for bringing NAMBLA here?
The Boys: Yeah!
Cartman: Alright, alright, I'm sorry I almost got you guys all r*ped. There.
Stan: And now, do you still think that you need to hang out with older, mature friends?
Cartman: No, I guess you guys will blossom into maturity someday. Just don't take too long. [the paramedics finish putting Stuart into the ambulance and head for the cab]
Paramedic: Okay, let's roll. [the siren goes on. The ambulance goes into reverse and crushes Kenny under its rear wheels, then speeds off]
[Hell's Pass Hospital, Delivery Room. Mrs. McCormick has a new baby in her arms, and Stuart looks at it with her]
Nurse: [voice-over] Dr. Flores, dial 18-
Stuart: Coo, cootchy-coo, coohoohoohoo, cootchy-coo.
Mrs. McCormick: Our little angel, yes.
Stuart: Oh, he's so beautiful. I know it's been hard on both of us losing poor Kenny. But this new baby kind of reminds me of him. [a sh*t of the baby reveals a boy in a little orange parka with the hood tight on his face, like Kenny before him]
Mrs. McCormick: What should we name him?
Stuart: Well, seeing as though Kenny passed away, maybe we should name him ah,… Kenny.
Mrs. McCormick: Yes. Kenny's such a great name. My little Kenny, a brand-new Kenny.
Stuart: God, this must be the fiftieth time this has happened.
Mrs. McCormick: Fifty-second.
[End of Cartman Joins NAMBLA. The French song plays again.] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x05 - Cartman Joins NAMBLA"} | foreverdreaming |
[South Park Elementary, day. Mr. Garrison's classroom. But this day, a substitute teacher enters with a bag of stuff and makes an announcement.]
Substitute: Good morning, children. Mr. Garrison is away today. I am your substitute teacher, Mr. Wyland. [writes it on the chalkboard. A sh*t of the class reveals Kyle missing]
Cartman: [in a low voice] Oh, sweet, dude. Substitute teacher.
Mr. Wyland: Now, I understand that some students in this class like to mess with substitute teachers. [Cartman points at Craig] But if we all behave and respect each other, I'm sure we can make this a fun and productive day. Let's start with roll call. Let's see, mmmmm. [runs his finger down the list] Eric Cartman?
Stan: [raises his hand] Here! [he, Kenny, and Cartman laugh heartily]
Mr. Wyland: Alright, and how about Stan Marsh?
Kenny: [raises his hand] (Here.) [he, Stan, and Cartman laugh heartily]
Wendy: It's not that funny, you guys. Jesus.
Mr. Wyland: Okay, and where iiiiss… Kenny McCormick?
Cartman: [raises his hand] (Here.) [he, Stan, and Kenny laugh heartily. A few seconds later his nose bleeds a white liquid all over his desk] Oh, hoho. Ow.
Stan: Dude, what the hell was that?
Cartman: Oh, huh. Oh, geez, you know, when you're laughin' so hard that the milk comes out your nose? Uh ho ho, man!
Stan: [just stares] …Dude, you weren't drinking any milk.
Cartman: Huh?
Stan: You have to be drinking milk for that to happen.
Cartman: Not with me, man.
Mr. Wyland: Alright. Look, why don't we skip roll call? Here's what we're gonna do today. [reaches into the bag and pulls out some glue and glitter] I've been told that one of your classmates has been ill for several days — Kyle Broflovski?
Stan: [drawn out] He's fakin'!
Mr. Wyland: Well, I've been told that in Mr. Garrison's absence, our activity for the day is to make a get-well card for Kyle. So I got this large piece of poster board, and we're all gonna come up and use glitter.and glue to decorate it.
The Class: [the kids leave their seats and head for the front of the class] Awww. [Cartman remains in his seat]
Cartman: [drawn out] He's fakin'! [the other kids get busy decorating the card]
Mr. Wyland: Kenny, you come and decorate the get-well card, too.
Cartman: But I don't want Kyle to get well. I hate Kyle.
Mr. Wyland: I don't care! Get down here and do it!
Butters: Hey, watch it! [Mr. Wyland looks down at the group] Hey, what are you doin'? [the kids back away to reveal Butters decorated, not the poster board. A sign hangs on him saying]
Get Well
Kyle
Stan: Now, that's a get-well card! [the others laugh. Cartman soon joins them, but his nose begins to leak that white liquid again. He covers his nostrils and continues laughing]
[Denver, day. The Denver School Administration building is shown. Inside, the South Park School Board is meeting. Principal Victoria is present among the three people seated around a horseshoe-shaped table.]
Chairman: Mr. Garrison, after very careful review the school board believes that you should take a… hiatus from teaching. Indefinitely.
Mr. Garrison: What??
Board Member: Frankly, your conduct has been somewhat disconcerting. [a look of disbelief comes across Mr. Garrison's face]
Chairman: Did you know that not one of your students knew who Sam Adams was?
Mr. Garrison: Well, who cares about a guy that makes beer?! Jesus Christ, I'm trying to teach history!
Chairman: …Frankly, Mr. Garrison, it isn't even your educational record that we're most concerned about. [reviews a sheet of paper] It's your somewhat substantial police record.
Mr. Garrison: [stomps his foot down] Oh, whatever!
Principal Victoria: Mr. Garrison, last week's charges of attempting to solicit sex from a minor wa-
Mr. Garrison: That was not me, that was Mr. Hat! [points to his puppet]
Board Member: All we're saying is, perhaps you should take a little hiatus from teaching until this little [does quotes with two fingers on each hand] "child molestation" thing dies down a bit.
Mr. Garrison: [rises from his chair] Gentlemen, teaching is all I know. It is the air that I breathe.
Chairman: We're sorry, Mr. Garrison, we have no choice.
Mr. Garrison: [crestfallen] Very well. I guess… I'm not a teacher anymore. [approaches the chairman] I suppose you'll be wanting my badge and g*n… [pulls them out and sets them on the table]
Chairman: Mr. Garrison, most teachers do not carry a g*n!
Mr. Garrison: Oh, sorry. So I can keep it then?
[Kyle's house, day, Kyle's room. He's in bed delirious and mumbling. His door opens and in walks Sheila with Sharon and Stan.]
Sheila: Kyle, Stan and his mother came over to visit you.
Sharon: Hello, sweetie. [Stan walks over to Kyle's bed]
Stan: Dude, you can stop faking now. We got a substitute teacher.
Sheila: They say it's his kidneys. Kyle always has been a diabetic and lately his kidneys have just been shutting down.
Sharon: Well, the kids at school made you a card, Kyle. Look. [Butters walks into the room still decorated from head to toe in glitter and glue, and he carries the sign in his right hand]
Stan: Go on, Butters!
Butters: Ho, I don't wanna!
Stan: Butters, go on!
Butters: Oh, uhuh alright, then. [starts to sing]
We're so sorry you're not feeling well.
We hope you're better soon.
So we're bringing you some sunshine
By, um, singing you this tune:
[brings out a cane and dances]
Everybody misses you
And though we hate to cause a fuss
We'd like to say, "Get well soon!"
And "Please don't die on us."
[pulls a rip cord and a bunch of ballons inflate automatically around hin. Kyle babbles some more]
Stan: Dude, you really are sick, huh?
Kyle: I don't know, I…
Sheila: I don't know what to do, Sharon. They wanna have him go into surgery, but they're so dangerous.
Sharon: Sheila, have you tried holistic natural medicines? They work wonders. I read all about in People.
Sheila: Really? In People?
Sharon: There's a brand-new shop in town that sells holistic medicines and all-natural foods. It's run by this fascinating woman named "Miss Information."
Sheila: Oh, well, with a name like "Miss Information" she must know something.
Sharon: Why don't we at least take Kyle down there and see what she has to say.
Sheila: Okay. I'll get our coats. [turns and walks out the door. Kyle babbles some more]
Butters: Can I go now?
[South Park Elementary, Mr. Mackey's office. Craig… oh, never mind.]
Mr. Garrison: [lying down on a couch] I don't know what I'm goin' tuh do, Mackey. Teaching is all I know.
Mr. Mackey: [in a armchair] Okay, well, maybe you need to view this as a chance to do something you've always wanted to do.
Mr. Garrison: I've always wanted to write a novel.
Mr. Mackey: Well, there you go, m'kay?
Mr. Garrison: But I never know what to write about.
Mr. Mackey: Well that's easy. Write about what you know. Write about what you love. What do you love most?
Mr. Garrison: Besides teaching?
Mr. Mackey: Yes.
Mr. Garrison: …Poontang.
Mr. Mackey: M, m'kay
Mr. Garrison: I can't help it. I'm a womanizer sometimes, I know, but I just think that… taking a woman home and getting some hot poon is about the greatest thing in the world.
Mr. Mackey: Well that settles it, Mr. Garrison. What you need to do is go write a great romance novel.
Mr. Garrison: Yes, that's it. [sits up brightly] I am going to write the Great American Romance Novel!
Miss Information
(New Age Shop)
[The new shop. The sign is framed by two antlers and its entrance is a curtain of beads. In the picture window you see a pyramid with an eye on one side, a crystal ball and stand, a little elephant, and some charms. Outside, under the window, is a bed of flowers. Inside, Miss Information talks to Stan, Kyle, and their moms. Kyle looks fatigued]
Miss Information: You see, the reason our body is stale is because of toxins.
Ssheila: Toxins?
Miss Information: All the horrible food we eat—the sodas and meats are filled with toxins, and the only way for us to get better is to flush those toxins out of our system. Western medicine is so quick to cut and carve up, but all your son needs is a [Kyle sighs] toxin-flushing diet of lemon juice and cayenne pepper.
Sharon: Wow, that's amazing, Miss Information!
Sheila: You hear that, Kyle? You don't need surgery after all. [Kyle coughs]
Stan: Uh excuse ne, but, what do these toxins look like?
Miss Information: What?
Stan: Wuh, have you ever actually seen a toxin?
Sharon: Don't be a smartass, Stanley.
Miss Information: Mrs. Broflovski, I would like to give your son herbs that focus on the kidney. I have these excellent herbs from local Native Americans.
Sharon: Ooo, Native Americans. Now, they know how to heal the body spiritually. [Kyle begins to babble]
[Mr. Garrison's house, night. A second-story window casts a shadow of Mr. Garrison at his laptop computer. He types…]
Mr. Garrison:
Out on the balcony, when Reginald kissed Diana's lips, her knees went weak. Slowly, he pulled her top down, exposing her soft, unyielding breasts
Oh yeah, now this is getting good [sips some wine]
Just the sight of those breasts made Reginald's penis very hard.
[taps his chin with his left index finger]
His penis was of considerable size, and now beads of sweat slowly ran down his
[pauses]
penis, making it glisten like a strong swimmer fresh from out of the pool. It was a fantastic penis, that seemed as strong as a horse's leg, yet as delicate as a flower wrapped in silk. What a grand, grand penis. Diana's nipples
[music cuts off. He thinks] Uh, let's see… [taps his chin with his right index finger] Diana's nipples… [aloud] Oh, writer's block, writer's block! Hmmm. Crap! I'm stuck. [turns his body to one side] Oh well, maybe that's enough writing for today, Mr. Hat.
[Kyle's house, morning. At Kyle's bedside, Sharon, Sheila, and Liane talk to each other while Stan keeps vigil. Three other mothers are there]
Mrs. Tweek: Oh my, he looks terrible.
Blonde Mother: Yes, poor little dear.
Miss Information: [arrives] Good morning, everyone.
Blonde Mother: [walks up to her and brings her in] Oh, thanks for coming, Miss. Information. Kyle seems to be getting worse. [Miss Information walks to Kyle's bed as Stan watches. She raises her arms and waves them over Kyle's body]
Miss Information: Huuuuuuuuuh [lowers her arms] Oh, I don't agree. He seems much better.
Sheila: Really?
Stan: What?
Miss Information: Yes, his chi is flowing much nicer than yesterday, and his aura is lighter.
Sharon: Oh, that's great news! [Kyle barfs and Stan steps out of the way]
Sheila: Oh no!
Miss Information: Nono, that's good. Those are the toxins flushing out of the system.
Sharon: Ooooo.
Stan: Those aren't toxins. That's the been with bacon soup he ate half an hour ago.
Sharon: Stanley, what did I say about being a smartass?!
Stan: Don't be a smartass?
Miss Information: Now, don't be fooled. As Kyle's body sheds itself more and more of all the toxins he will appear to be getting worse, but actually, he is getting better!
Sheila: Wow. Well, I am on natural medicines. If only I had known sooner.
Other mothers: I agree. Yeah. That's right. [Stan looks defeated]
[Hell's Pass Hospital, day. Dr. Doctor is in his office filling out a form]
Nurse: [over an intercom] Mr. Marsh is here to see you.
Dr. Doctor: Alright, send him in. [from his desk, golf balls, a cup, and a set of golf clubs can be seen. Stan enters] Oh, Stanley.
Stan: Hi, doctor. [takes a seat]
Dr. Doctor: How can I help you?
Stan: Well, it's my friend, Kyle. I think he's really, really sick.
Dr. Doctor: He is really, really sick, Stanley. I was seeing him last week when he first got ill, but unfortunately his mother has decided to put all her trust intuuuh holistic medicine..
Stan: But I don't think it's working.
Dr. Doctor: Alright, Stanley, I'm going to be very honest with you. Your little friend Kyle needs a kidney transplant. Or it is very possible that… he will die.
Stan: [overwhelmed] Die? But… Kyle's my best friend. In the whole world.
Dr. Doctor: I know this is a lot to lay on someone your age, but… the rest of the town is so g*n-ho in New Age medicine that I have nowhere else to turn.
Stan: …I'll give Kyle my kidney, even if it hurts a whole lot; I don't care.
Dr. Doctor: That's very brave, Stan, but I've already checked my records, and you and Kyle aren't a match for kidneys. In fact, [looks at a sheet of paper] there's only one person in South Park with the same blood type as Kyle.
Stan: Who? [Dr. Doctor turns the sheet around, and Cartman's picture is on it. A close-up reveals that Cartman has AB-negative blood] Oh, shit.
[Cartman's house, day. Cartman and Kenny are playing at dogfights in the air, and Kenny makes sound effects while maneuvering a yellow ship]
Kenny: (Rrrrooowwwrrr, rroowwrr, pew, pew, POW.) [crashes the ship into a soldier]
Cartman: "Coming in for att*ck, Captain." Pipew, pipipew [grabs for the yellow ship] Give me the space cruiser, Kenny.
Kenny: (No, no.)
Cartman: Come on, Kenny, you have to give me the subspace cruiser [pulls the cruiser his way] so I can destroy the Gengrins on Crespus 5.
Kenny: [gets up as Cartman speaks] (Unngh. Stop, no! No, it's mine!) [pulls the cruiser back] (There! It's mine!) [the doorbell rings and the two boys tug at the ship in opposite directions]
Cartman: No, mine. M'yah! [the ship breaks in two, with Kenny getting the short end] Ha haa ha! I broke your space cruiser, Kenny! Ha haa, ha ha ha [his nose spurts out white fluid again] bluh oh, ha-ow! [blocks his nostrils]
Liane: [walks up] Ooh, sweetums, did you laugh too hard again?
Cartman: Yeah.
Liane: Well, some more of your little friends are here to play with you. [Stan enters with a sick Kyle in his arms]
Cartman: Okay, mom.
Liane: [genuflects and speaks softly to Cartman] And don't get too close to Kyle. He looks like he might have the AIDS. [Stan leaves Kyle and walks up to Cartman]
Cartman: What's goin' on, guys?
Stan: Cartman, we have to ask you a quuestion. A very serious question.
Cartman: Oh-kay.
Stan: Kyle's in trouble, Cartman. I can see him getting worse right before my eyes. There might be a way that you… can save his life.
Cartman: Uh huh.
Stan: What Kyle really needs… is a new kidney.
Cartman: Oh, I think I see where this is going. [Kyle moans]
Stan: His mom is trying all this Eastern medicine and New Age bullcrap on him, but its obviously not working.
Cartman: Stan, why don't you just ask the question?
Stan: Alright. Will you donate one of your kidneys to Kyle?
Cartman: [sings and dances]
No no, no no, no!
No no, no no, no!
Stan: But you only need one, fat boy!
Cartman: No no, no no, nono no!
Nonono, no no!
Stan: Dude, one of your friends is goin' tuh die! Don't you see how serious this is?!
Kenny: [miffed] (Not when I try to tell him!) [Kyle coughs twice]
Cartman: Well, perhaps I could see my way to giving up a kidney. For a price.
Stan: Oh my God!
Kyle: How much?
Cartman: I don't know. How much is your life worth to you, Kyle?
Stan: Cartman, you are so going to hell when you die!
Cartman: Yes, well, until then, I need about ten million dollars.
Kenny: (Ten million dollars??)
Stan: What the hell would you do with ten million dollars, fatass?!
Cartman: What I intend to do with the money is not an issue, is it? I suggest you start looking for that money quickly. Kyle doesn't seem to have much time. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
Stan: Come on, Kyle. Let's get out of here. [they walk away]
Cartman: Okay. Where were we, Kenny? Oh yeah. [they return to the floor to continue play] "Quick, Captain, we must destroy the Gengrin across the f*re." Give me the space cruiser. Give it, Kenny. M'yah!
[Miss Information's shop, next day. A line of folks wait to enter the shop while a few shoppers exit with their purchases. Inside, the shop is busy.]
Man 1: Ooo, free-range aspirin!
Man 2: All-natural cell phones! [two men appear at the door with boxes of stuff]
Miss Information: Oh, look eveyone. These are our two resident Native Americans. Chief Running Pinto, and Carlos Ramirez. [shoppers gather around the men]
Man 3: [amid the chatter] Ooo.
Man 4: I'd like to buy some more stuff.
Man 5: Come in. Come here, guys.
Man 6: Do you have any new holistic items for sale?
Carlos Ramirez: Oohh, oh yeah. Aah… [holds up a decorated clothes hanger] Here, uh, this is a ahh dream…catcher.
Woman 1: Oh, a dreamcatcher. I'll buy one. [other women start ordering them]
Chief Running Pinto: [holds up an item] Yeah. And these here are Cherokee hair tampons. They're, like, tampons made with all-natural hair from the Cherokee people.
Sharon: Ooh, a tampon made from Cherokee hair—now that sounds natural.
Miss Information: Native Americans are more in tune with the earth than we are.
Chief Running Pinto: Oh yeah. We love the earth, man.
Carlos Ramirez: Oh yeah, the earth is great.
Miss Information: [walks up to Sheila] Mrs. Broflovski's son is a little sick. Perhaps she could bring him in tomorrow and you could give him some spiritual healing.
Chief Running Pinto: Oh, sure. We could do that, man. We'll give him, like, a, a brain enema, or somethin'.
Carlos Ramirez: [laughs] uh'hm, ho ho hm.
Sheila: Wonderful!
Miss Information: [takes Sheila along] Why don't you follow me over to the cash register and I'll take a deposit. [the other shoppers crowd the two men]
Man 7: D'you have anymore stuff to sell? We wanna buy more stuff.
Man 8: Yes. Much, much more stuff.
Chief Running Pinto: Sure, uh, we just gotta go back to our truck- I'm, I mean our horses and grab some more junk. [Ramirez starts to laugh] Come on. [turns to leave]
Miss Information: Good-bye, Native Americans. The spirit of Maya is with you.
Carlos Ramirez: Oh yah. You too and junk. [they head out the door and away]
Chief Running Pinto: [off-screen] That's funny, man. [Stan walks in]
Sharon: Oh hi, Stanley. Look, I'm buying you some more all-natural toothpaste.
Stan: You mean the stuff that tastes like ass and doesn't fight cavities?
Sharon: That's right.
Stan: Look, um… I know that you all think the earth and its natural healing powers can cure Kyle, but… the doctor at the hospital told me it can't.
Miss Information: Well, of course the doctor told you that, because he wants to make money. Holistic modicine is about NATURE. [to Sheila] Two-hundered and thrity-three dollars. [Sheila pays, and Miss Information rings it up]
Sheila: Everything's going to be fine, Stan. We're bringing Kyle in tomorrow to see the Native Americans personally.
Stan: Isn't it possible that these Indians don't know what thry're talking about?
Sharon: You watch your mouth, Stanley! The Native Americans were r*ped of their land and resources by white people like us!
Stan: And that has something to do with their medicines because…?
Sharon: Enough, Stanley!
[Miss Information's shop, next day, curbside. Kenny is sitting there. Stan exits the store, walks over to him, and sits down next to him. Somber music plays]
Stan: Nobody wants to listen, Kenny.
Kenny: (I know.)
Stan: I don't know what else to do. I mean, he could die, Kenny. And that means we'd never see him again.
Kenny: (Uh huh.)
Stan: I guess maybe I've always taken friends for granted, like they'd always be there. If a friend died, I don't know what I'd do. [Kenny gets mad, Stan gets resolute] Well, I'm not just gonna stand here and watch my friend die. Kenny, go round up all the kids in town who want to help Kyle! Round them up and meet me at the bus stop at 7:30! Kyle's gonna live! [walks away]
Kenny: (Rrrh!)
[Mr. Garrison's hosue, night. He's back at his laptop. He's typing with only his left hand now, while Mr. Hat sits on his right hand]
Mr. Garrison:
Chapter 18
Diana had never slept with another woman before, but it was an erotic thought she often fantasized about.
Oh yeah, Mr. Hat. Hot lesbo scene comin' up!
And as Rebecca's naked body lay before her, Diana couldn't help but feel aroused.
"Go on", Rebecca said softly, "Touch me." Diana leaned down slowly and brushed Rebecca's bare stomach with her fingertips… It felt good. Like a penis. A soft, but sturdy penis that felt warn to the touch. In Rebecca's mind, she suddenly felt like she was surrounded by penises. They were all around her, flopping all around and slapping her face. It was as if she were in a redwood forest of penises.
[unconsciously, his right hand lowers down towards his crotch and is soon out of view, but the arm moves around some…]
They presented themselves tall and mighty all around her, with
[catches himself in the act] Mr. Hat, what the hell are you doing?! [looks around to see that no one is watching, then happily] Oh, Mr. Hat.
[Bus stop, night. Stan waits with a book under his arm.]
Stan: [checks hsi watch] Come on, where are they? [looks around. Three boys approach from his left: Kenny, Butters, and Timmy]
Stan: This is it??
Kenny: (Uh huh)
Timmy: Timmiiihh!
Stan: This is everyone that wanted to help Kyle??
Butters: Well, Clyde was gonna come too, but he, he said his mom was makin' tacos for dinner and Clyde likes tacos a whole lot.
Stan: [quite disappointed] Jesus Christ! Alright, Butters, you take this medical book, and everyone follow me!
Butters: Huh, where are we goin'?
Stan: We're gon' tuh take Cartman's kidney. [the others look are shocked]
[Cartman's house, night. Cartman is asleep in his bed… tossing and turnng]
Cartman: No! NO! Hip- hippies all around me. Help! Mommy! Huhuhippies!
[Cartman's house, outside. Stan and the others approach, and Stan looks in the lower window. Stan now has a hand saw on his right hand]
Stan: [softly] Okay, it's clear. [slowly opens the front door] Okay. Me and Butters are gonna go up and take Cartman's kidney out of him. Kenny, you stay here and guard his mom's door here with Timmy.
Timmy: Timmiihh!
Stan: Sshhh!
Timmy: [whispers] Timmiihh.
Stan: If she hears him screaming, or comes out or anything, just… stall her. Alright?
Kenny: (Okay)
Timmy: [softly] Timmiihh.
Stan: Alright Butters, let's go. [they walk away and up the stairs, then down the hall, but Stan stops in his tracks] Uh-oh, Cartman's pig. [Fluffy is seen sleeping in her own little bed. Stan and Butters try to sneak past, but she opens her eyes] Sshh, good pig. Good pig. Goood pig. Sshh. Okay. [Fluffy stretches and taps Butters, then squeals in panic. This wakes Cartman, who blinks and heads for his door half-asleep] Come on, we gotta get outta here! [runs a bit, then has his back to the wall as Cartman opens the door and walks out] Oh, no!
Butters: Oh well, we're busted. [Cartman continues towards Fluffy.]
Cartman: [smacks her] Shut up, Fluffy! [she quiets down and Cartman goes back to sleep, closing his door.]
Stan: Oh, phew.
[Cartman's house, later. Cartman's nightmare returns]
Cartman: Hippies. Hi-i-ippies. They're everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad. He-elp! [Stan rises from the other side of the bed with the medical book, and Butters rises, too]
Stan: Okay, here we go. [opens the book and leafs through. Pictures of the heart, fingers, liver, and cutaway of the male genitalia are shown. Stan giggles softly and turns the page to a picture of the kidney].Okay, let's see. Looks like if we cut here, and here…
Butters: I hope it's not too bloody; I'm wearin' my favorite pants.
Stan: …vein right, well- [brings out the saw] Well, here goes nothing. Help me pull his pajamas up. [Butters pulls the sheets, Stan the shirt, and something more is in their way] No way! Kidney Blocker 2000?!
Cartman: [rises quickly] whatwhatwhatwhat? [sees Stan and Butters] Oh, it's Stan and Butters! Trying to take my kidney, are you?!
Stan: You suck, Cartman!
Cartman: [faces them] Maybe so, but at least I was smart enough to wear a Kidney Blocker 2000!
Stan: God-damnit, don't you care that Kyle is gonna die?!
Cartman: I do! I do care! Look how much. [a blank expression is on his face] Look. Look how much I care. [the expressionless face persists]
HAREQUIN ROMANCE
BOOK PUBLISHING CO.
[Mr. Garrison has finished his novel and is now inside talking to a publisher]
Publisher: First and foemost, Mr. Garrison, I would like to thank you for chosing Harequin Romance
Mr. Garrison: Yeahyeahyeah. So, didi you read the book?
Publisher: Uh yes, Mr. Garrison, we did read your book. [taps on it a few times]
Mr. Garrison: Well, what did you think?
Publisher: Well, uh, frankly, Mr. Garrison, n-we don't know if the Harequin Romance label is appropriate for you.
Mr. Garrison: Ooohhh, why not??
Publisher: Mr. Garrison, uh… are you aware that the word "penis" occurs six-thousand and eighty-three times in your novel?
Mr. Garrison: Well, I'm sure there's lots of naughty words. It is a romance novel.
Publisher: Nnnno, I don't think that this book really qualifies as a "romance novel."
Mr. Garrison: No?
Publisher: [clears his throat] No. No, this is what we in the book-publishing business like to call… gay. Really, really gay.
Mr. Garrison: What the hell are you talkin' about?!
Publisher: It's just that the focus really seems to be on the… male organs.
Mr. Garrison: Well, I thought it was mostly women that read these things!
Publisher: It is.
Mr. Garrison: Well, women want to read about ding-dongs! D'you thnk women care about the details of female anatomy?! Hel-lo! Women wanna read about big, poweful schlongs! [the publisher has no answer] Look, I've seen women read these things. They skim along and skim along until they get to the part about the penis! That's what they want, so that's what I'm giving them!
Publisher: [taps his chin] Hmmm.
[South Park, next day. Stan and Kenny sit on the curb in front of "South Park Pianos"]
Stan: [despondent, voice cracking] There's nothing more I can do, Kenny. I've tried everything to save Kyle. Holistic medicine is gonna k*ll my friend!
Kenny: (Well uh, nobody seems to care when I die on them!)
Stan: [sobs] My friend is gonna die! He's gonna die and there's nothing I can do about it. [begins to break down] Oh, God, he's my best friend… [weeps]
Kenny: [stands up] (Well now, that does it! I have had enough of this bullshit! Screw you, Stan. I'm going home!) [walks away. Above him, a man is hauling a piano, but realizes the ropes are tearing]
Mover: Look out! [the piano snaps from the ropes and crushes Kenny] Oops.
Stan: Awgh! I'll never see Kyle again! [weeps]
[South Park, Miss Information's shop, day. More people line up to buy holistic stuff. Inside, Carlos Ramirez and Chief Running Pinto field orders.]
Woman: Four dozen Cherokee hair tampons, please.
Chief Running Pinto: [hands them to her] No problem, man. Pay Miss Information up front. [she walks away with the tampons and Carlos glances at her ass]
Man 7: Hi, uh, I have a little bit of pain in my balls whenever I watch VH1.
Carlos Ramirez: Oh, here, try this, man. Ah, this is allll-naturalll ball juice. [the man takes it and drinks. Carlos and Chief Pinto chortle]
Man 7: Wow, I feel better already! [walks away. Carlos and Chief Pinto laugh some more.]
Miss Information: [joining the two men] And next we have Mrs. Broflovski's son. [Sheila drags Kyle in by his jacket collar]
Sheila: [let's him drop to the floor] Okay, here he is.
Chief Running Pinto: Ahahem, that kid looks really sick.
Miss Information: Yes. He really needs his toxins flushed again.
Chief Running Pinto: No. I mean, he look REALLY sick, man. You should take him to, like, a doctor.
Customers: [look ar each other] Hmm?
Sheila: But you're more in touch with the earth.
Chief Running Pinto: Look, bein' in touch with the earth has nothing to do with dyin', man.
Sharon: It's okay. We trust that you know whar you're doing. [Carlos and Chief Pinto look at each other. Kyle groans]
Carlos Ramirez: No, man, that kid needs a doctor! And besides, we're not actually Native Americans. I mean, I'm I'm more like a, a Mexican.
Customers: What?!
Man: Hu-uh?!
Carlos Ramirez: Yeah. A Mexican.
Man 7: Uugh. [spits out the ball juice] Ptu, ptu.
Man 8: I didn't know that.
Gerald: Oh my God! [the woman who had purchased the 48 tampons screams]
Sharon: How dare you deceive us like that!
Chief Running Pinto: Hey, we never said we were Native Americans, man. Miss Information said that.
Carlos Ramirez: Yeah. She said nobody would buy anything from Mexicans. [the customers blink in anger, then gather around Miss Information]
Miss Information: Uh, toxins ARE your enemy. [the customers enclose her]
Woman 1: k*ll her! [the pummeling begins. Carlos and Chief Pinto just laugh at the sight]
Carlos Ramirez: Funny.
[South Park, Miss Information's shop, later. Stan, Sheila, and Kyle are still there]
Stan: So NOW can we take Kyle to the hospital?
Sheila: Yes, of course, but we don't have a kidney donor!
Stan: That's alright. If you'll all help, I think I have a plan.
[Cartman's house, morning. A cock crows, and Cartman's radio sounds the alarm. Cartman rises on his bed and stretches]
Cartman: Oohh, morning, hum, hmyeah. HWAA! [jumps back. His Kidney Blocker 2000 lies at the foot of his bed over streaks of blood] That son of a bitch!
[Stan's house, moments later. Cartman approaches and pounds on the door. Stan quickly opens it.]
Cartman: [fuming] Okay, assh*le! Give me back my kidney!
Stan: Dude, please. Kyle needs it.
Cartman: It's MINE! Not yours, MINE! Give it back right now, or there's gonna be HELL to pay!
Stan: Alright, alright, here. [hands him a rubber kidney. Cartman reviews it.]
Cartman: Thank you. And you'd better hope to God it still works, just like it did before.
[Hell's Pass Hospital, some hours later. Dr. Doctor is in his office.]
Nurse: [over an intercom] Doctor, Eric Cartman is here- [Cartmen enters unbid before she finishes speaking]
Dr. Doctor: Why, hello there, Eric. [Cartman stands on the chair and slaps the kidney down on the desk. The doctor looks on]
Cartman: You see that?! That's MINE! My assh*le friend Stan took my kidney, and I need it put back in! [sits] Please.
Dr. Doctor: Oh, I see. [holds the kidney up] Are you sure that now that it's already out, you don't wanna just let your friend Kyle have it?
Cartman: No. Because. It doesn't belong to Kyle, it belongs to me! It's MINE!
Dr. Doctor: Well, alright then. We'll get you prepped for surgery. [puts the kidney down and holds up a clipboard] If you'll just sign this release. [sets it in front of Cartman]
Cartman: Thank you. [signs the release form]
[Hell's Pass Hospital, still later. Cartman and Kyle are in the recovery room surrounded by their parents. Stan and his parents are there, too. Balloons, a smiley-face and two banners, "I HOPE YOU GET BETTER!" and "GET WELL SOON", decorate Kyle's side of the room]
Sheila: How are you feeling, bubbe?
Kyle: Better, I think.
Stan: You look a lot better.
Sharon: Yeah, it looks like Western medicine really did the trick.
Kyle: Hey, thanks for going through all that to save my life, Stan.
Stan: Dude, you're my best friend. I don't want you to die until I do.
Chief Running Pinto: Yeah. [to Cartman] Hey, man, we're glad you're getting better, too.
Cartman: [wakes up] Heh. Hey, what what's going on?
Stan: Kyle's all better, Cartman, thanks to you!
Cartman: Huh?
Stan: It was all a trick. Your mom undid the kidney blocker, and then we put catchup on your bed so you'd think we took your kidney.
Dr. Doctor: Yes, but it was all a trick to get you to come in and sign this release.
Liane: Isn't that funny, sweetie?
Cartman: Aarrrrrr! I am SO PISSED OFF!
Mr. Garrison: [enters the room and walks to Kyle's bed] Oh, here's everybody. [in his hand is a book]
Stan: Hey, Mr. Garrison. Where have you been?
Mr. Garrison: Boys, I have an announcement to make: I'm not gonna be your teacher anymore. I've become a best-selling author! And Kyle, I want you to have a signed copy as a get-well present. [hands the book to Kyle, who looks at it]
Kyle: Oh. …Thanks?
Cartman: [livid] I swear I'm gonna k*ll you guys!!
Stan: Careful, Cartman, you might pop your stitches. [laughs a long time with Kyle]
Kyle: [white liquid spurts out his nose] Huh? [covers his nose] What the?
Cartman: Oh good, you got the crappy kidney.
[End of Cherokee Hair Tampons] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x06 - Cherokee Hair Tampons"} | foreverdreaming |
[The Mayor's office, day. The mayor is at her desk, flanked by her assistants. Before her are Chef and Jimbo. The meeting starts]
Mayor: Gentlemen, I understand you are here to present both sides of an issue. I wanna hear you both out and do this in a civil and constructive manner so that I can give you both the time and attention you deserve. Jimbo, why don't you begin?
Jimbo: Mayor, it's about the South Park flag.
Mayor: [instantly exasperated] Oh, Jesus Christ, not this again!
Jimbo: We cannot change the South Park flag, Mayor!
Chef: Mayor, as I've said before, I find that flag to be r*cist and insensitive!
Jimbo: Chef, I respect you very much, but you have to understand that this has been the South Park flag since some of our ancestors, like my great-grandfather, founded this land!
Chef: That flag represents a time when blacks were persecuted by whites! How can a black man not be bothered by it?!
Mayor: Ahalright, Chef, I'll have my assistants hold up the flag. [the one with the bang goes to get it] and you tell me what exactly you find r*cist about it. [the assistant returns and gives one end to Johnson. They unfurl the flag between them. The flag shows a black figure dangling from a hangman's noose, and two white figures on either side of him rejoicing. "South Park" is written underneath]
Chef: You don't see anything wrong with that flag?!
Jimbo: Chef, what about the baseball team, the Cleveland Indians, huh? Should they change their name because it's r*cist?
Chef: Yeah!
Jimbo: No, because it's their history!
Chef: Look, I have gone to every quiet protest I could! I have written everyone; I've put up signs! But now I'm telling you [points to the mayor and emphasizes], THIS FLAG WILL BE CHANGED!
Jimbo: And I'm telling you it WON'T!
Mayor: [rolls her eyes] Oh, boy.
[South Park Elementary, day. The class bell rings and the kids are in their seats. Timmy is now shown with the class.]
Mr. Wyland: Okay, children, in Mr. Garrison's absence, I would like to turn the class's attention to current issues. Some people think the South Park flag should be changed, while others believe that changing the flag is wrong. I think this is a perfect subject for your debate club.
Class: [Timmy stays quiet] Aaaaah!
Mr. Wyland: I see that you've already had a lot of interesting debates this year. [points to a chart with three debates on it] Pro-Choice vs. Cartman, Pro-g*n Control vs. Cartman, a-and People Against the Clubbing of Baby Seals vs. Cartman. And apparently, the winner of all your debates so far has been… Cartman.
Cartman: Thaaat's ri-ight.
Kyle: Cartman doesn't always win! He just gets pissed off and goes home so we can't debate anymore!
Class: [including Timmy] Yeah.
Cartman: Nah-ah! I'm just a better debater than you guys!
Stan: You don't even know what you're debating about half the time!
Cartman: Yes I do!
Craig: No you don't!
Cartman: Oh yeah?! Well, screw you guys, I'm going home! [rises from his seat, heads for the door, and exits]
Kyle: Told ya.
Mr. Wyland: Alright, children, well, unlike Mr. Garrison, I want you all to go out and research this debate before we pick teams. Tomorrow, you'll need to choose which side of this poignant debate you are on. [the class stares back blankly]
[Jimbo and Ned's lodge, after school. They're sitting on the front porch.]
Jimbo: This is about history, kids. [Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and two others are present] If you don't have respect for your past, then you can never expect to- BIRD! [he and Ned each take a sh*t at it, and it tumbles away, falling d*ad on the read behind the boys] -then you can never expect to have a future. Nowadays, everyone wants to change mascots and flags because they're not [does quotes with his left index and middle finger] "politically correct." Well, where does it end? I mean, people are gonna start sayin' that the Denver Broncos are offensive to horses. And then we'll have to- a SQUIRREL! [He and Ned take sh*ts at it, and it falls d*ad from its branch] Aand then we'll have to change everything, and pretty soon all our history will be forgotten. But to REALLY understand the South Park's flag's importance, you need to know about South Park's history. Ned here's a big history buff, and he can tell you the whole story. Ned?
Ned: Nnneh, in 1867, fourteen pioneers from the East Coast traveled across the Plains-
Stan: Uh that, that's okay, dude, I think we got it.
Kyle: Yeah, we got it.
Jimbo: You sure?
Stan, Kyle: Yup.
Jimbo: You boys go make me proud now and win that debate- Chris Peterson! [he and Ned f*re away, and Chris yells and dodges the b*ll*ts, then runs off] God-damnit, we missed him again!
[South Park Supermarket, after school. Chef is at the entrance with a petition in his hands. With him are Wendy, Bebe, Clyde, and Butters. Some folks head for the store…]
Chef: Sign up to join me, and come marchng to the Mayor's office in protest of the South Park flag! [the shoppers brush on by and enter the store, and the doors close] You see that, children?! Nobody wants to get involved! [the doors open and Randy Marsh walks out with a bag of groceries. Chef notices] Randy! Sign up to march with me against the South Park flag on Wednesday?
Randy: Oh, uuhh, look, Chef, you know I'm-m not a r*cist, but uh, I just don't really feel strongly one way or another about the flag.
Chef: Well, alright, Marsh, you're entitled to your own opinion. [Randy walks away and Chef looks at the kids] That's how it is in this town. I haven't gotten one signature on this damn sheet, and I've been here all day!
Wendy: We'll march with you, Chef.
Chef: That's nice, but I need the support of some registered voters. [Mr. Mackey walks out with some groceries. Chef stops him] Ey, Mackey! Sign up to march on Wednesday?
Mr. Mackey: Oo, Wednesday? Uh-Wednesday's tough. I guess- maybe I could do somthin' uh, Thursday afternoon.
Chef: Alright, fudge it, Thursday. Anyone else wanna go Thursday?
Principal Victoria: [arrives] Thursday's no good, we've got chior council.
Mr. Mackey: Oh, yeah.
Principal Victoria: What about next Sunday?
Chef: Fine! Next Sunday!
Man 1: You mean, during the ball game?
Man 2: Oh, yeah. We can't do Sunday.
Chef: Monday??
Principal Victoria: Oh, I can't do Monday.
Man 3: [arrives] I could do Tuesday.
Mr. Mackey: Yeah, Tuesday morning's good.
Man 1: You know what would be better for me is Saturday afternoon.
Man 2: Saturday is perfect for me.
Principal Victoria: Yeah. How about Saturday at 11:30?
Man 3: Mm hmm.
Man 2, Woman 2: Yeah.
Man 1: Yeah.
Man 3: That sounds good.
Man 2: Mm hmm.
Mr. Mackey: Yeah, I think that's the best day.
Chef: Okay! On Saturday, we march!
Man 2: Oh, march? What are we marching for?
Chef: To bring down the South Park Flag!
Man 2: …Oh. [the adults begin to disperse]
Man 3: Oohh, I gotta go.
Man 1: I know what I may like. I dont like marching
Woman 2: Uh, marching's really not for me.
Man 2: See you later.
[South Park Elementary, next day. Mr. Wyland's class. He's at the chalkboard tallying up the votes. There are eight votes on each side of the board: eight on the left for "FLAG SHOULD CHANGE," eight on the right for "FLAG SHOULD STAY THE SAME"]
Mr. Wyland: Well I've counted up all your secret ballots, childen, and it look like about half of you think the flag should stary, and half think the flag should be changed.
Wendy: How could any of you think that flag should stay the way it is?!
Mr. Wyland: Save it for the debate, Wendy. Now I'm going to assign the debate leaders. Who wants to lead the "Flag Should Stay The Way It Is" team?
Stan, Kyle: Me. Me. Me. Me.
Wendy: [upset] Stan?! How could you be so insensitive?!
Stan: Whoa, dude, I don't see anything wrong with that flag.
Kyle: Yeah, me neither.
Mr. Wyland Alright. Stan and Kyle, [turns and writes on the board] you can both be the team leaders for the "Flag should stay the way it is" team. [turns around. Their names are there now] Now, who wants to lead the "Flag should be changed" team? [an angry Wendy raises her hand. Cartman looks over at her, then raises his hand and chuckles] Okay, Wendy and Eric can team up. [writes their names on the board]
Wendy: [mortified] Nooo! [Cartman chuckles some more]
Mr. Wyland: Alright, children. Do your homework, and let's get ready for a great debate!
[South Park Elementary, cafeteria. Kids enjoy their meals. Craig enters the kitchen, followed by Stan, Kyle, Butters, and someone else]
Stan, Kyle: Hello, Chef.
Chef: [in a foul mood] My name isn't Chef anymore, children. I've converted to Islam.
Stan: Islam??
Chef: From now on, my name is [points to his apron] Abdul Mohammed Jabar [points to the rest of his name on a sign held by an Arab assistant] Rauf Kareem Ali. [proceeds with preparing the trays] With everyone in town so insensitive about the flag, I find it no longer fitting to use my sl*ve name!
Stan: Well, we need help with our debate club. We have to explain why we think the flag should not be changed.
Chef: You WHAT?! [plants his fists on the counter] You don't think they should change the flag?!
Kyle: Not really.
Stan: Yeah, we don't see what the big deal is.
Chef: [moves to his right and sets the ladle and a pot down] Well, that figures you don't! Because your cr*cker-ass parents turned you into little cr*cker-ass cr*cker-r*cist! I never thought I'd live to see this many of the people I considered friends turn against me!
Stan: But Chef, we don't know what you're talking about.
Chef: But nothin'! [picks up the ladle and throws it down] "But" my ass! Fix your own damn food! [hurries out, and his assistand quickly follows. Stan and Kyle look at each other, confused]
[South Park Elementary, school library. Wendy has assembled her team and leads them through preliminary items. In her team are Bebe, Clyde, Butters, Token, Kevin, and three others. Cartman is not there yet.]
Wendy: Okay. Now, in order for us the debate to change the South Park flag, we will need to do a lot of research. Now, my plan is to divide up into three research teams. We will present our arguments based on things that w-
Cartman: [enters] It's okay, I'm here.
Wendy: [glares at him for a few seconds] Nice of you to show up! We were just discussing how we should state our case.
Cartman: [begins pacing] Yes. This is a difficult case. In order to win the debate, we will need to att*ck Stan and Kyle's credibility.
Wendy: [stunned] What??
Cartman: That's how you win these things: att*ck your opponents' credibility! [starts barking orders] Butters! Take some kids and go dig up whatever dirt you can on Kyle's past. I'm talkin' booby magazines, whatever.
Butters: Wwuhuh-o-kay! [hops off his chair. Wendy watches him leave]
Cartman: The rest of you, go get the goods on Stan! His mom grounded him once for setting something on f*re. Let's find out what that something was, and then lie and say it was a puppy.
Clyde: Right. [the others disperse, leaving Wendy and Cartman facing each other at the round table.]
Cartman: [takes out some Cheesy Poofs] Mmmm.
Wendy: [walks up to him] Cartman, we can't just att*ck Stan and Kyle's credibility. We need to present our side of the debate.
Cartman: You're right. We'll need to look like we prepared a case, too, so that they look all the weaker. Good plan. Sooo, what's the issue again?
Wendy: The South Park flag!
Cartman: Interesting. Aaand, what side are we on?
Wendy: D'aaaaahhh!
Cartman: Whoa! Calm down, ho. [eats some poofs]
[South Park City Hall, day. A Channel 4 field reporter is on scene. Chef is in the background dressed in a daishiki facing the Hall, with his fist up. Two groups of people are there, one on either side of him. The mayor and her assistants look out over the scene from her office]
Reporter: ["NEWS 4 LIVE!"] Tom, I'm standing out front of the South Park Mayor's Office, where both sides of this debate have gathered.
Chef: Change the flag!
Jimbo: Don't change history!
Mayor: Oh brother, what now?!
Chef: [background, as the reporter speaks] Change the flag! Change the flag!…
Reporter: Earlier, the South Park townspeople voiced their opinion.
Man 4: [angry] Well, I think the flag is r*cist! [turns pensive] Huh, but then again, it is part of our history.
Man 5: Well, I guess the flag is part of history, …but I can see how it is r*cist.
Man 6: [flatly, slowly] I think it is history. I think it is r*cist.
Reporter: Well, one things for sure, tensions are high and pressure is mounting on the South Park Mayor to do something.
Chef: [background, as the reporter speaks] …Change the flag! Change the flag! Change the flag! Change the flag! [the mayor simply looks down] In the 1960's there was a monk [shows a photo of a man in flames] who set himself on f*re to protest! You have left me no choice! [lowers the photo] To protest your lack of humanity, I will now do the same thing! [raises a portable gas t*nk and a lighter, then pours the gasoline on a Japanese monk and sets him on f*re]
Monk: [in flames] Huh! Haaaaaaaaaaaah! [dies]
The KKK: [arriving] White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power!
Reporter: [stunned, then speaks] What's this? Uh, Tom, it looks as if the KKK have shown up to espress their opinion.
KKK Leader: [walks up to Jimbo and extends his hand.] Hello, brother. [Jimbo and his group turns to see the Klan] We are here to support your noble cause.
Jimbo: Huh? Uh hey now, uh. We don't want your support. We're not r*cist; this is about history.
Ned: Yeah.
KKK Leader: Well, whether you want our support or not, we're on your side! [he and the rest of the KKK face right and march away]
The KKK: White Power! White Power! [Jimbo and the others watch them leave] White Power! White Power! [they take up positions in front of City Hall, facing Chef. A familiar figure is chanting with them] White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power!
Sheila: [arrives] Mr. Garrison, you're a Klan member?
Mr. Garrison: NO, no, [steps out] but Mr. Hat is. [points to the puppet, which bends down a few times as if to say "hello"]
Mr. Hat: White Power! White Power!
Mr. Garrison: Ogh! You're such a r*cist bastard, Mr. Hat.
The KKK: White Power!
Chef: Change the flag!
Jimbo: Don't change history!
Mayor: Ooh, Jesus. What a mess.
[South Park City Hall, Mayor's office, later.]
Mayor: Chef, we realize that you find the South Park flag r*cist, and we certainly understand your case. [sh*t of an angry Chef] We have been diligently working on this problem, put in a lot of hours, and we have finally altered the flag in a way that we think will make you very happy. Gentlemen? [her assistants lift up a flag and carry it to a clear area, then unfurl it for Chef to see] There. Is that better? [It looks the same…]
Chef: No, damnit!
Mayor: [points to the black figure] No, but look! He's got a little smile now! [a close-up reveals closed eyes and a smile] See? He's happy. Much better, don't you think? [Chef just rises and walks out. The mayor lumps in her chair] Well, some people just won't with you at all. This is getting out of hand. How do I absolve myself of an responsibility with this?
Johnson: Mayor, the-ee South Park Elementary children are discussing the flag issue in their debate club on Friday.
Assistant: We… could use the debate as an excuse to hold a vote on the issue.
Mayor: Yes, of course. Let the children be responsible. Everybody loves children. Tell the press. South Park Elementary will be holding a vote on Friday!
[South Park Elementary, school library. Wendy has three stacks of books to pore over, Cartman is playing with his toys]
Wendy: This might come in handy. It says here that recently a case was brought before the South Carolina Court about their flag, and they-
Cartman: I warn you, Bog Monster! Do not mock Captain Candycone!
[as Bog Monster] O yeah?! How would you like I should kick you in the nuts?!
Wendy: If we could show a parallel between the South Carolina case-
Cartman: [as Captain Candycone] Ugh. Oh yeah?! I'll kick you in the nuts!
[as Bog Monster] Ugh. I'll kick you in the nuts!
[as Captain Candycone] I'll kick you in the nuts!
Wendy: Cartman, why don't you just go home?! You aren't helping any!
Cartman: You won't let me help.
Wendy: That's because you're stupid, and you're a r*cist!
Cartman: [thinks a moment…] …Touché. But dude, you might as well let me help you. We're in this together. I mean, just… tell me what to do, and I'll do it. [Wendy remains mad at him. He does Bog Monster] Wendih, let Cartman help. Seriouslih. [she averts her gaze, then breaks into a smile] Wendih. Seriouslih. [she chuckles] The Bog Monster speaketh.
[South Park, the offices of Brovlofski and Jackson, Attorneys At Law. Kyle and Stan have assembled their team there. Kenny, Craig and Tweek are there with two others.]
Kyle: Okay. since my dad's a lawyer, he says we can use any of his books we want. [Kenny chows down tablets from a blue bowl before him] Who wants to read them? [no one responds]
Stan: Come on, you guys. We all have to work on this!
Kyle: Kenny, how many of my dad's mints are you gonna eat? Jesus!
Kenny: (Plenty. This is 'cause my family's poor.)
Kyle: I know your family's poor, but you can't just eat an entire bowl of mints for dinner.
Kenny: (Ah, f*ck you!) [gives him the finger]
Stan: I don't think we stand a chance in this debate, 'cause Wendy's leading the other side.
Kyle: Dude, you're just saying that because she's your girlfriend.
Kenny: [burps] (Kyle, can I have a drink of water?)
Kyle: Yeah, you can have a drink of water. The dispenser's over there. [Kenny hops off and walks to the dispenser]
Stan: Yeah, you must be thirsty after eating 60 mints. [Mr. Broflovski enters]
Gerald: [stops behind Kenny's chair] Hey, boys, how's the research coming?
Kyle: Pretty good, I guess.
Stan: Do you think they should change the flag?
Gerald: Oh, uuhh. I don't know. [picks up the empty bowl]
Kyle: Kenny ate all the mints, dad.
Gerald: Oh, those weren't mints, those were antacid tablets.
Kyle: Oh.
Stan, Kyle: Kenny! [Mr. Broflovski looks in anticipation]
Kenny: [drinks the water, then looks at them] (What?) [the tablets start to fizz] (Oh oooooooOOOOOOOH!) [as his voice rises, his body balloons and foam comes out of all possible orifices. Then he bursts and parts of him fall all over. Some antacid squirts out of somewhere. At the table, body parts and antacid cover some books, parts of the table, and on parts of everyone left. The other students and Mr. Broflovski laugh. Stan and Kyle clap somewhat]
Stan: That was a good one.
[South Park City Hall. The KKK is still rallying. Mr. Hat keeps Mr. Garrison in place]
The KKK: White Power! White Power!
KKK Leader: Do not change the flag! It is a symbol of white power!
The KKK: White Power!
Mr. Garrison: [now next to the leader] Oohh, I'm sorry, Chef. Mr. Hat is a r*cist son of a bitch.
Mr. Hat: Don't apologize for me to that spearchucker!
Mr. Garrison: [shocked] Dugh! [covers his mouth. Chef looks at him an angry disbelief] Ogh. Waaaaah! [runs away]
Chef: [approaches one group] How can you all just stand by and let these r*cist do this?!
Officer Barbrady: Well, Chef, it's freedom of speech. We don't like it, but we can't arrest them for talking.
Reporter: Should the Klan be allowed to rally on the steps of the Capitol? Here's what some people think.
Man 7: Well, I think they are r*cist, but I… do think freedom of speech is important.
Man 8: Well, I, for one, believe in freedom of speech. …Mmm but then again, I think they are r*cist.
Man 9: Well, I believe that they are r*cist, but I do believe that all-
Chef: [shoves the man out of the way] Aw, the hell with all of you indecisive bastards!
Reporter: On Friday, South Park Elementary will present its debate, and after the debate, there will finally be a vote. Preliminary polls show three in favor of changing the flag, three against changing the flag, and 4382 undecided. So the pressure in on those South Park kids!
KKK Leader: Well, that's enough rallying for this afternoon, members. Let's take a hot shower!
The KKK: Hot shower! Hot shower! Hot shower! [they march away]
Jimbo: [to Ned] Ned, nobody's gonna vote for our side if it's the side those KKK members are on. Come on, we gotta put a stop to them.
[South Park Elementary, school library, night. Wendy and Cartman are both laboring over books. Between them is a tray of Oreo cookies.]
Wendy: I can't believe it. All the pressure's on us. I mean, this debate is going to actually affect the outcome of the vote.
Cartman: [aloof] Uh huh.
Wendy: Oh man, we've got to come up with rebuttals to the history argument.
Cartman: Why don't we just talk about the swastika?
Wendy: Huh?
Cartman: I mean, Germany was united under the swastika, right? But,… obviously history wasn't as important as changing the views after the w*r and stuff, so hey changed it.
Wendy: [mulls over the argument] Hey, that's a pretty good point, Cartman.
Cartman: Yeah.
Wendy: Not bad at all. I may make that our first argument. [takes a cookie]
Cartman: Cool.
Wendy: Double-stuffed cookies are my favorite. [starts eating]
Cartman: Really? Mine too. What I really like to do, is I like to take the tops off of two cookies, and then put them together and make "quadruple stuffs."
Wendy: Hey, that's what I always do, too!
Cartman: No way!
Wendy: Yeah. Jesus, I never thought I'd have anything in common with you, Cartman.
Cartman: Me neither.
Wendy: Aha ha.
Cartman: Huh.
Wendy, Cartman: Well, anyway, let's get back to work. [two kids on the same wavelength]
Cartman: Whoa.
Wendy: Weird, um. Okay. Uh. Now, let's say that first we talk about the history of the flag. [reaches for a cookie] We can show that the- [Cartman's hand rests on hers. Their eyes meet]
Cartman: [withdraws his hand] Ur, s-sorry. [shoves the plate to her a bit] Go ahead.
Wendy: No. [shoves the plate back] You go ahead.
[Mr. Garrison's house, night. The living room. Mr. Garrison enters]
Mr. Garrison: Mr. Hat, what do you think you're doing?
Mr. Hat: There's another Klan rally tonight; I have to be there in 15 minutes.
Mr. Garrison: Ooh no, Mr. Hat. You are not dragging to another Klan meeting.
Mr. Hat: But they're electing a new assistant to the Grand Dragon. I might get elected.
Mr. Garrison: Well, good for you, Puppet Pants! I'll have nothin' to do with it!
Mr. Hat: I'm going whether you like it or not!
Mr. Garrison: Oh yeah?! [sits in his armchair and waits] I'm not going, Mr. Hat, and that's final! [looks away] Let's just see you try and go without me! [looks back again, and his right hand is bare] Mi-Mr. Hat?
[South Park, the woods. The KKK rallies around a burning cross.]
The KKK: White Power! White Power! White Power! [Jimbo and Ned rise up out of the brush and look at the rally] White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power!
Jimbo: [softly, during the rally] Alright, Ned. We've got to be careful. These are really evil men we're dealing with.
Ned: Mmm-okay.
Jimbo: Damnit Ned, doesn't that thing have a volume control?
Ned: No.
The KKK: White Power! White Power!
KKK Leader: [walks in and stands in front of the burning cross, raising his arms to quiet the group] Good evening, brothers. Our first order of business tonight is to have Brother Anderson update us on last week's minutes.
Brother Anderson: Last week we decided we hate blacks and Jews. A lot!
KKK Leader: Alright. And now it's time for us all to come together, and… do our cake raffle.
KKK Members: Oh, cake raffle. [Jimbo and Ned look at each other]
KKK Leader: This week's winner is… [reads the ticket] uh, 2 9 7 4.
Ticket 2974 Holder: [jumps for joy] I won, I won. [moves forward] I won the cake! [takes it and returns to his place]
KKK Leader: God job, brother. [smatterng of applause. Jimbo and Ned look on.]
[A green and flowering meadow under a brilliant orange dawn. A happy Wendy walks in and grabs some flowers, then sniffs them deeply. She then looks behind her to find Cartman sitting on a white steed under a bright yellow sun. The steed neighs]
Wendy: [turns and runs to him] Cartman! [Cartman gets off the steed and runs to Wendy, his hair billowing in the wind]
Cartman: Ahh! [they run into each other's arms and tumble down, laughing all the while. At the bottom, Wendy's on her back and Cartman is on top of her]
Wendy: Say it'll be like this forever.
Cartman: Okay, It will be like this forever.
Wendy: Oh, Cartman! [Cartman looks at her, his hair billowing in the wind]
[Wendy's room, night. She rises in bed with a start. That scene in the meadow was a dream]
Wendy: AAAAAAaaaah! [pants heavily, then dunks her head in the fish bowl on the little desk next to her bed.] Brrrrr. What's wrong with me? [hops down and heads for the bathroom, flips the lighs on, goes to the sink, hops on a stool, and checks out her tongue and eyes, then] Ahhh. It's okay. Get a grip, girl. [hops down and heads for the switch. She's about to turn off the lights when a voice stops her]
Cartman's voice: Wendih. [she looks at the Russell Crowe poster next to the switch] Wendih. [Rusell's face stretches into one of Cartman]
Wendy: [shocked at the hallucination] Aaaah!
Cartman's voice: [the face reverts to Russell's as the voice fades] Wendih, look at me.
Wendy: [turns around, looks up, then sits down with her face in her hands] Oh God, please don't let this be happening.
[South Park, the woods, deep in the night.]
KKK Leader: Alright brothers, listen up! [two more members show up, and the leader starts to pace back and forth] As you know, this fine city is holding a vote on whether or or not to change their flag. But lynching minorities is history! So what are we gonna do about it?!
Member 1: Let's say that if they change the flag, we'll burn down the Capitol!
KKK Members: Yeah!
Member 2: Let's say that if they change the flag, we'll never leave this town!
KKK Members: Yeah!
Jimbo: [in KKK disguise] Let's say they should change the flag!
KKK Members: Yeah! [turn to see the new member] Wah?
KKK Leader: Uh what's that, brother?
Jimbo: I thnk we should switch sides!
Ned: Me too. Nnn-that's a good idea.
Jimbo: Look, we have to accept the fact that most people in the world hate us, right?
KKK Members: [rolling reaction] Yeah, m-hm.
Jimbo: So, whatever side we're on is the side that's gonna lose, right?
KKK Members: [rolling reaction] Right, yeah.
Jimbo: So why don't we all say that we want the flag changed. That way, most folks'll vote to keep it the way it is.
KKK Leader: That's a great idea, brother!
KKK Members: [jubilant, jumping] Yeah!
KKK Leader: Alright, it is decided! We will officially tell everyone that we want the flag changed, so that they will all vote against us!
KKK Members: Hooray, yeah! [the two new members leave]
A Member: We'e smart! [the two members head into the brush]
Jimbo: [both members take off their hoods] That worked perfectly, Ned.
KKK Leader: Well alright, now that that's out of the way, it is time to play, "Whose got the silliest thing on under their robe?"
KKK Members: Yeah, woohoo! [a member walks up to an organ and sits. He begins to play "If You're Happy And You Know It…" The rest form two lines and clap.]
[The contest. The first member walks down the middle and shows off his boxers with a heart design. The second comes in and shows off his lederhosen. The third comes in and shows off bikini briefs and garters. The fourth comes in and shows off a yellow bird costume.]
Jimbo: Jesus, Ned, these guys are completely nuts.
Ned: Mm-yup.
[the fifth member comes in and shows off his hand-walking skills, and the sixth one shows off his penis… Jimbo and Ned walk away from the scene]
Jimbo: [stops] That is the most insane thing I've ever seen. I can't believe those people are on our side. I mean, is our side that crazy? [some headlights pass over them and they shield their eyes. A staton wagon rolls up with Chef behind the wheel] Oh, hello, Chef. Big debate tomorrow, I guess. [Chef glowers at them for a few seconds] Oh, Jesus, the robes! Chef, this isn't what it looks like. You've gotta listen to us!
Chef: I ain't gonna listen to nothin'! This whole cr*cker-ass town can kiss my ass! [peels off. Mud flies behind the Town & Country and splatters Jimbo and Ned]
Jimbo: Ned, I'm starting to think that maybe history ain't worth defendin' sometimes.
[Wendy's house, morning, before school. Living room]
Wendy: [leads Bebe in] Thanks for coming over, Bebe. I have something to tell you.
Bebe: Sure, what?
Wendy: Bebe, I'm attracted to Cartman.
Bebe: [shrieks and covers her ears] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Wendy: [ashamed] I know.
Bebe: Why would you tell me this? Why would you tell anyone this?
Wendy: Because I don't know what to do. I can't concentrate, and if I can't concentrate, then I can't win the debate tomorrow. The whole vote is dependent on me doing a good job-
Bebe: Alright, look. When two people work closely for a long time, sometimes they feel what's called, "sexual tension." Sometimes you just have to act on impulse and get it over with.
Wendy: You mean, I should kiss him? [looks away embarassed]
Bebe: Kiss him and get it out of your system.
Wendy: [dreading] Oh God.
[South Park Elementary, the gym. Mr. Wyland is shown behind a podium, and the South Park flag hangs from some rafters behind him. Two tables are set up, one for each side of the debate. Behind the "FLAG SHOULD STAY THE SAME" table are Stan, Kyle, and two other boys. Behind the "FLAG SHOULD CHANGE" table are Wendy, Cartman, Token, and Butters.]
Mr. Wyland: Well I certainly would like to thank all the parents for their support of our debate club. [the bleachers are shown. The mayor, Chef, Jimbo and Ned, and others are present] I r-realize that many of you are torn by the issues as well, so, perhaps the children can shed some light on us. We'll start with Wendy Testaburger on the "Flag Should Be Changed" team. [Wendy hops off her seat, then looks at Cartman and strokes her chin, then steps up to look at the audience. She looks again at Cartman. He's been watching her all the while, wondering where this is all headed]
Wendy: [looks at the audience] The- [looks at Cartman] the- uh, [clears her throat] aheh ahum, [looks at Cartman] the… the- uh, [closes her eyes and pushes her hands out as if to push away the feelings swirling within] Ahhhhh, [exhales softly, then sighs] The first argument we- [her eyes snap back to Cartman, who's still watching her. Stan and Kyle watch as well] ah… [resets] Let me start over. [looks at Stan] The uh- [loses her rudder] oh God. Could you all excuse me for a moment? [steps down and kisses a surprised Cartman full on the lips]
People in Audience: Oh. [Stan's jaw drops]
Really Shocked Man: [off camera] Oh, God! [Butters' and Token's jaws drop. So does Chef's. Wendy finally releases the pucker, sighs in happy relief, and goes back to the podium]
Wendy: [confident now] Yes. Now, the main point we would like to make is oftentimes it is prudent to change history. As times change we hope to grow, and as we grow our rules must change. It is a natural part of evolution. Thank you. [steps down as people clap. Stan is still in shock that Wendy kissed Cartman. She sits down, Cartman looks at her, then places his hands behind his head in a supreme air of confidence and looks away]
Mr. Wyland: Okay, and Kyle and Stan's team, your main point? [Kyle moves to the podium while Stan remains stunned]
Kyle: Our main point is that the flag shouldn't offend anyone, because k*lling has been around since the bieginning of time. All animals k*ll. [an astonished Stan looks as Cartman puts his right hand on the back of Wendy's chair and points at her with his left, winks, then dances a bit. A smiling Wendy remains oblivious to this showing off] And the animals that don't k*ll are stupid ones, like cows and turtles and stuff. So people should not be so upset about k*lling. [returns to his seat amid a smattering of applause]
Chef: [stands up] Whoa whoa whooaa! You just missed the point entirely!
Kyle: Huh?
Chef: I'm not mad because the flag shows somebody gettin' k*lled, It's because it's r*cist!
Kyle's Team: [minus Stan] r*cist??
Chef: Children, don't you even know what this argument is about?! That flag is r*cist because a black man is being hung by white people.
Kyle's Team: [minus Stan] Ooooooohhh.
Chef: Ooooooohhh?!
Kyle: W-we really didn't see it that way.
Chef: But that's a black man up there!
Kyle: Y-yeah, but… the color of someone's skin doesn't matter.
Chef: Well of course it matters when- [catches himself] …Oh my God. Wait a minute. You children didn't even see the flag as a black man being hanged by white people, did you?
Kyle's Team: [minus Stan] No.
Chef: [deducing, marveling] Why, that is- that is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.
Mayor: What?
Mr. Wyland: What?
Chef: Don't you see? All this time I thought these little crackers had turned r*cist, when actuallih they were so not r*cist that they didn't even make a separation of black and white to begin with. All they saw when they looked at that flag was five people.
A Few People: Awww.
Some KKK members: Awww.
Kyle: Yeah. [Cartman is still showing off, Wendy remains oblivious]
Chef: I'm sorry, children. I was wrong about you. But I still the flag needs to be changed. But now I realize that I almost let racism turn me into a r*cist.
Jimbo: Yeah. You know, uh I suddenly found myself on the side of Klan menbers. I've never had anything against blacks, Chef.
Chef: Oh, I know you don't, Jimbo. I've known you for almost ten years. You're a good man.
Jimbo: We've been way too divisive over this, Chef. Maybe we can come up with a- compromise flag—something that everybody can be happy with.
Chef: I think that's a much better start than me tryin' to separate myself from all you wonderful crackers.
Audience Members: [relieved, ad lib] Ooh, huhuh. Oooh [Stan's astonished gaze was fixed on Cartman and Wendy all that time.]
Kyle: Oh. Sweet, dude. I don't think we have to do this stupid debate now. [waves his hand in front of Stan to get his attention] Stan?
[South Park City Hall, day. The Mayor has called a town meeting at City Hall and now stands at her podium with the town gathered before her. Something hangs above her covered by a brown curtain]
Mayor: This has been an interesting week in South Park. We've all done a lot of growing this week. [sh*t of the crowd, some of them smiling] Everyone was afraid to take a stand on this issue. But now we have learned once again that black, white, yellow, brown, or whatever, we are all just people. And so, I am very excited to unveil our new South Park Flag! [The curtain falls away to reveal the same flag, only with the five people, including the hanged man, holding hands. The crowd cheers. From left to right: a white man, a yellow man, a black man, a red man, and another black man]
Stan: [recovered, looks at the flag] Wait, I don't get it.
Kyle: No, see? There's people of all colors. And they added a black guy as one of the hangers, too, so it's not r*cist.
Chef: Hooray!
Jimbo: I have to admit it, that is a lot nicer.
Wendy: Phew. I'm sure glad that's over with. [the applause begins to die down]
Cartman: Me, too!
Wendy: [applause stops, background music plays] I can't believe how right Bebe was about feeling under pressure with somebody. As soon as it was over, all my feelings for you just vanished.
Cartman: [fronting] Oh, huh. Yeah. Yeah, totally huh.
Wendy: I'm totally back to normal. See you later. [the crowd disperses behind her]
Cartman: Yeah. See you later, heh. Ho, huhuh, he, haha.
Wendy: Hahaha. [looks off to her right] Stan. Stan, wait up! [hurries away to catch up to him. Cartman looks at her, then away, then at her long, then away, than at her quick one last time, then looks down and sighs. He turns to his left and walks away, dejected]
[End of Chef Goes Nanners] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x07 - Chef Goes Nanners"} | foreverdreaming |
[A large city at night. Klieg lights pierce through the air as a large crowd gathers in front of a large building.]
Announcer Tonight, Stellar Productions presents the boy band of the decade! [women scream, jump, and shout. Signs sayins, "FINGERBANG RULES" "FINGER BANG" "WE LOVE FINGER BANG" AND "FINGER BANG 4EVER" bob throughout the audience] It's Fingerbang, live from Madison Square Garden! [the interior is shown, with cheering crowds. A heralding sound effect plays, and spotlights flicker around the stage. A burst of fireworks cues the music and the familiar silhouettes of four boys are shown on stage. A few women faint]
Fingerbang: [the lights go on them, and it's the boys, dressed in white outfits. Their hats are all white, too. A green shirt indcates Kyle, a blue one Stan. Kenny wears an orange visor over his white hood. All wear headsets]
Fingerbang! [they each spin towards the audience once, then stop]
Bang-bang!
Fingerbang-bang! [they spin back to their first positions]
Bangbangbang! [all step forward and do their routine]
I'm gonna fingerbang-bang you into my life
Girl, you like to fingerbang, and it's alright.
'Cause I'm the king of fingerbang; let's not fight
I'm goin' tuh fingerbang-bang you ever-y night
Cartman: [steps forward for a solo bridge as the others sway back and forth]
And girl, you know that you're the only girl for me, girl.
Girl, you're the girl of my fantasies.
You're my girl, you're my girl,
Woman: [as Cartman sings] Cartman, I want youuu!
Cartman: [continues]
My- …girrrrrrrl… [lifts up his shirt to show off the right breast—um, pec. The others turn to their right while maintaining their gaze and pointing their g*n fingers at the audience. The music builds as women scream at the sight]
Fingerbang: [Cartman rejoins the others and all point their g*n fingers at the audience, then resume the routine]
Fingerbang!
Bang. Bang bang bang.
Fingerbang-bang!
Bangbangbang!
I'm gonna fingerbang-bang-
[Cartman's room, night. He's tossing and turning joyfully in his sleep. The song continues playing in his mind:
"-you into my life
Girl, you like to fingerbang, and it's alright."]
Cartman: Yes! Yes! Yes, I'm a star! I'm a star! I'm- [wakes up, then looks angry] Aaawww, I'm nobody! God-damnit! [suddenly thinks] Wait a minute. Maybe that was a sign from God. That's it, isn't it? You want me to start a boy band so I can make $10 million, don't you? That's it! [rushes out of bed]
[Cartman's house, day. Cartman has Stan, Kyle, and Kenny over in the living room.]
Cartman: [pacing back and forth] Gentlemen, thank you for coming. This is the beginning of a great time in our lives. [stops and faces them] God has finally spoken to me, you guys. And he has told me how I can make $10 million.
Kyle: …How?
Cartman: Boy band.
Stan: Boy band?
Cartman: Boy band.
Kyle: I'm not being in any [crosses his arms over his chest] f*g boy band!
Cartman: There's nothing f*g about $10 million, assh*le! This was a message from God!
Stan: Dude, we don't have any musical talent.
Cartman: That didn't stop any of the other boy bands, dumbass! [pulls out a tape from his back pocket] I've got prerecorded music we can sing to, just like they do. All we need to do is practice our choreography over and over and over!
Kenny: (That sounds totally f*ck' stupid.)
Cartman: Shut up, Kenny. And then, I know I can get us a gig at the South Park Mall. [intense] So everybody get in a straight line, we're gonna listen to a song from the top, and take it-!
Kyle: Wait a minute. There's only four of us.
Cartman: So?
Kyle: So, all boy bands have five members.
Cartman: What?
Kyle: *N Sync, Backstreet Boys, New Kids On The Block. All had five members.
Stan: He's right.
Cartman: [throws down the tape] Damnit! Okay, okay okayokayokay. We'll put off practice for now, and hold auditions for a fifth member. Get the word out that auditions will be tomorrow morning!
[Stan's house, night. The family is gathered for dinner, enjoying ham and turkey]
Sharon: Did you have fun at Eric's house today, Stanley?
Stan: Well, I guess.
Sharon: What did you do?
Stan: Well, Cartman wants to start a boy band, so we're gonna rehearse and then try to perform at the South Park Mall. [Randy reacts, and Shelley takes notice]
Sharon: Oh well, that sounds nice.
Randy: [to Sharon, angrily] No, it does not sound nice! [to Stan] Stanley, you are gonna have no part in that boy band!
Stan: Well but, Dad, all my friends are doing it.
Randy: [rises] If all your friends jumped off a cliff, [jabs his finger at Stan] would you do that too?
Stan: [voice shaking] Cartman says we can make $10 million.
Randy: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE IN A BOY BAND, STANLEY! AND THAT IS FINAL! [storms out]
Shelley: Geez, what's up Dad's ass?
[Cartman's house, next morning, "BOY BAND AUDITIONS TODAY!!" Music begins. Inside, Butters is singing his song in front of the sofa]
Butters: [holds two fingers on his right hand up to indicate a hopping bunny]
Little Bunny Foo-Foo hoppin' through the forest
[scoops up imaginary mice, makes two fists, and bops the right one with the left]
Scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' 'em on the head
[shimmies down with hands outstretched. The auditors look half-asleep]
Down came a white angel and she said
[the angel (left finger) reprimands the bunny]
"Little Bunny Foo-Foo, I don't wanna see you
[the piano player seems familiar. The angle bops the bunny]
Scoopin' up the field mice and boppin' 'em on the head."
So now I'm gonna turn you into a worm, mbuh, mBunny Foo-Foo. Eh, beh-POOF
[slaps his right hand with his left, and one finger goes down, leaving a worm]
Little Wormy Foo-Foo crawlin' through the forest
Gettin scooped up by the field mice who mah-m then they bopped 'im on the head
[grins, then does a little kick forward]
Cartman: [through the mic] Eheh, thank you Butters. We'll let you know.
Butters: Ah, I can do it again.
Cartman: [through the mic] We'll let you know, Butters.
Butters: Ahah-oo well, alright then. [walks off to his left, unsure]
Cartman: Pffft! Oh my God, his intonation was so off!
Kyle: It was?
Stan: Dude, I don't think I could sing any better than that.
Cartman: Guys, if we're gonna impress the mall owner and get that gig, we'd better do it better than that. [into the mic] Next!
Stan: [reads from a list] Uuuh, next is Ike Broflovski.
Cartman: Kyle's brother??
Kyle: I pormised my mom I'd let him try. [Ike hops in with some sheet music]
Cartman: Chist's sake!
Piano Kid: What key?
Ike: [hands him the sheet] G. [hops back to the sofa as the kid plays]
Itsy bitsy spider, out the water spout-
Cartman: [through the mic] Next!
Ike: Oh Danny Boy, the parson's calling
Clang, clang and clang
Cartman: [through the mic] Next audition!
Ike: E F G, H I J K L-M-N-O-P
Cartman: [through the mic] GOD-DAMNIT, NEXT!
Ike: When ah thanky you be
One on a teacher on a palm tree.
Cartman: [through the mic] Not the next song, the next PERSON! [Ike goes for his sheet music, then returns to flip Cartman off. Cartman ] Aw, man, this is gonna be a long-ass day. [the front door opens and in walks Wendy with her sheet music. She walks to the piano player, gives it to him-]
Cartman Oh no! Nononononono! Sorry, Wendy, this tryouts for a BOY band! [a grinning Wendy suddenly frowns and her head hangs.]
Stan: Aw, come on, dude. Let her try.
Cartman: [moves the mic away] No way!
Kyle: Come on, Cartman! You haven't liked anybody else!
Cartman: Okayokay, fine! WOW me!
Wendy: [cues the player]
Miiis-suuus Landers was a health nut. She cooked food in a wok.
Mr. Harris was her boyfriend, and he had a great big-
Cock-a-doodle-doodle, the rooster just won't quit
And I don't want my breakfast, because it tastes like-
Shih tzus make good house pets. They're cuddly and sweet.
Monkeys aren't good to have, because they like to b*at their-
Meeting in the office or meeting in the hall,
The boss, he wants to see you so you can suck his
Balzac was a writer, he lived with Allen Funt
Mrs. Roberts didn't like him, but that's 'cause she's a-
Contaminated water can really make you sick.
Your bladder gets infected, and blood comes out your-
Dictate what I'm saying, 'cause it will bring you luck
And if you all don't like it, I don't give a flying f*ck!
[Stan, Kyle, and Kenny applaud]
Cartman: Thanks, Wendy. Don't call us. We won't call you either, heheh. [Wendy gets mad.]
Kyle: Dude, what are you talkin' about? that was awesome!
Cartman: Dude, she's a CHICK!
Stan: Come on, nobody's gonna notice.
Cartman: Nobody's gonna notice?! What about her huge freakin' hooters, huh?! [Wendy looks down at her chest]
Stan: She's the best chance we have! I say she's in.
Kyle: Me too.
Kenny: (Me too.)
Cartman: Oh, this is a democratic boy band, is it? Alright, fine! She's in until she screws up!
Wendy: [exults] Yeah!
[Cartman's house, next morning, early. A rooster crows. Cartman has his band in his room, and they are still drowsy. Stan is about to fall over…]
Cartman: Okaaay! You guys all ready to rehearse?
Stan: Cartman, it's six in the morning. Do we have to rehearse this early?
Cartman: We have to rehearse all that we can! [moves away] Now, check this out: [returns with a box of clothes and sets it on the floor] My mom made us costumes!
Stan: Costumes? [the band gathers around the box]
Cartman: Yeah. [starts handing out the costumes] This one's yours, Stan. 'N this one is Kyle's. This one will cover up Wendy's hooters… [she looks a little embarrassed]
Stan: Hey, Cartman, how come your costume has like, nose rings and facial hair?
Cartman: 'Cause I'm like, you know, the tough one. Every boy band has to have the one member that, you know, 's tough.
Kyle: [dryly] I wanna be the tough one.
Cartman: [looks back blankly] …Kyle, you are the sweet one. Will you please just cooperate and not-
Kyle: [determined] I wanna be the tough one!
Cartman: You can't be the tough one, because you're Jewish!
Kyle: Jews are tough!
Cartman: Since when?!
Kyle: Since Abraham, fatass!
Cartman: Alright, fine! Here! [tosses the tough costume at Kyle, knocking him down] Jesus Christ, I wonder if every boy band has to go through this! [moves away. The band dresses. Kenny is a baseball player, Stan is a figher pilot, Cartman is an Elvis impersonator, Kyle is a tough dude with nose ring and Fu Manchu mustache]
Stan: Hey, Cartman, what does "fingerbang" mean, anyway?
Cartman: I heard it on HBO. It means, like, you know, when you… [waves his finger around] pretend to use your finger like a g*n or something.
Kenny: [chuckling] (Hm hm, noho, that's not what it means.)
Stan: Kenny says that's not what it means.
Cartman: [testy] Okay, Kenny, what does "fingerbang" mean, then?
Kenny: (It's when you take your finger, and you stick it in a vagina and you stick it again and again.)
Cartman: …What?! Who the hell would do that?! Jesus Christ! Grow up Kenny, would you?! Alright, boys, let's do it from the top. 1, 2, 3, 4,-!
[South Park Mall, day. South Park is not so small anymore. Two guards on the second floor relax against a glass railing]
Veteran Guard: [with a drawl] Now, I know that this is your first day on the job of mall security, rookie. Keepin' the law in a mall is just like any tough city, and especially because they don't let us have g*n. It can be very dangerous.
Cartman: [leading the band members through the mall] Alright, guys. Let's do it like we rehearsed! We nned energy! We need to be up!
Veteran Guard: [blocking the way to Mall Management] Excuse me, just where do you think you're goin'?
Cartman: We're goin' to see the mall manager.
Veteran Guard: Do you have the proper clearance?
Stan: [to Kyle] Uh oh, mall cops.
Veteran Guard: You have to make an appointment first. Now move along, sir.
Cartman: [pleading] But we practiced for days. All we want to do is show the guy what we can do, [the veteran guard pulls out a small bottle of pepper spray and shakes it up] so that maybe we'll have a chance to perform in the plaza of the- uh. [the veteran guard sprays his face all over] Aaaa! Aaaa! Ooww! Ow! Oh! God-damnit! [squeezes hsi eyes shut and rubs them]
Kyle: Jesus Christ!
Cartman: Oh, God, I can't see! [rubs his eyes]
Veteran Guard: Move along, sir. Or I'll do it again. [Cartman walks off and the others join him. Stan retrieves the boom box. Then] You see, you put your life on the line every day.
Stan: Well, I guess we can't get in to see the mall manager.
Cartman: [coughs a few times] The hell we can't! I'm not lettin' no washed-up law cops ruin my divine quest! Come on! [all join him down the mall]
[South Park Mall, later. The two guards are watching shoppers move along. A blond man with two bags walks by.]
Veteran Guard: Ey! [the man turns to look at him] What are you doin'?
Man: Nothin'. Just… shoppin'.
Veteran Guard: Move along, sir. [the man leaves and the veteran looks at the rookie] You see, sometimes you gotta just do that. Keeps shoppers on their toes — try it. [the rookie gets determined and a woman and girl walk by]
Rookie Guard: Ey! [they turn to look at him] What are you doin'?
Woman: Nothing. Wwhy?
Rookie Guard: Move along, ma'am. [she leaves looking angry]
Veteran Guard: That's what being a mall cop is all about. Hyeuup.
Rookie Guard: Cool.
Cartman: [over the PA system] Attention mall shoppers: the next twenty people to buy an orange smoothie will also receive a complimetary Nissan Sentra. Hurry up. [crowds rush off to get their Nissans]
Veteran Guard: Jesus, they're gonna start a riot! [both cops follow the crowd while Cartman and friends return to the mall manager's office]
Cartman: Alright, guys, here we go. [enters the office with the others] Hello, sir!
Manager: [a harried man] What? Hey. Who are you? [the office is a bit unkempt. Stacks of paper here and there, hanging out of cabinet drawers, scraps on the floor and desk…]
Cartman: We… are Fingerbang!
Manager: O-o-oh. What? How'd you get in here? Hey.
Cartman: We would like to audition for you for a gig in the central plaza of your fine mall.
Manager: What? O-oh. You wanna play at the mall? Like Tiffany?
Cartman: Sort of like Tiffany, yes. Can we audition?
Manager: Oh. Well, I guess. …What?
Cartman: Alright! Let's do it, boys! [moves aside and sets the boom box down, then sets the tape to play. He returns to the groupd, and they begin. Wendy's voice is squeaky and lags behind the others…]
Fingerbang: I'm gonna fingerbang-bang you into my life
Girl, you like to fingerbang, and it's alright.
I'm goin' tuh fingerbang-bang you ever-y night
Cartman: [goes into his solo, and back into his dream]
And girl you know you're cool, you're good, you're so much nicer, girl.
You're good. You're gonna be-
Manager: [cuts him off] Alright, that's enough!
Cartman: -you're my fantasy, you fanta-
Manager: Thank you.
Cartman: [backs up into the band] Woll. So, can we play here?
Manager: What?? …No.
Cartman: No??
Manager: Who?? No!
Cartman: Why not?!
Manager: Well uh, uh, oh… Right now there's a cheese and sausage cart in the plaza. And I would uh, I'd hate to have to move it off to the side for a while. What?
Cartman: You don't think we're any good, do you?!
Manager: No. I mean, you're just not as good as sausage and cheese.
Cartman: Well, come on guys. We gave it our best. [goes to get his boom box]
Manager: Wow. That was your best? [Cartman flashes an angry look at him, then walks off in a huff.]
[South Park Mall, later. The five are sitting on a bench on the first floor]
Kyle: Wow. I feel so rejected.
Stan: Yeah.
Veteran Guard: There you are! You're the hoodlums who got on the intercom and started an orange smoothie riot!
Stan: Uh oh.
Veteran Guard: I will now read you your mall rights! You have the right to shop at a variety of malls in all-
Kyle: Run for it! [the five bolt and rush out of there]
Veteran Guard: Go get 'em, rookie! [gives the rookie a stern look; the rookie just looks back]
[Stan's house, later. Shelley's eating cereal, Sharon is at the sink. Randy enters]
Randy: Where is Stan?
Sharon: Oh, he's over at Eric's house practicing for his boy band.
Randy: What?! I specifically told him not to do that!
Sharon: Now, Randy, calm down. It's just a silly little dream. They're not gonna actually make it.
Randy: And what if they do make it, Sharon?! What if they DO make it—are YOU gonna be the one to tell 'im?! [turns around and walks out]
Shelley: Mom, what's up Dad's ass?
Sharon: It's a long story, Shelley. Let's just say your father- …has a lot up his ass right now.
[Chef's house. Cartman arrives and rings the bell]
Chef: [opens the door and appears in a towel around his waist] Oh! Oh-ah, hello Eric.
Cartman: [eyes downcast] Problem, Chef. I have m-many problems.
Chef: Wellll, if you uuhh, come back in just a little bit, Eric, I'll see if I can help you out. [a blonde woman comes up behind Chef]
Cartman: I just don't know what I'm gonna do. [lets himself in] Sometimes I wonder if God isn't toying with me. [goes to the sofa and pulls out some Cheesy Poofs to eat]
Chef: [sits next to Cartman] Alright, Eric, what's the matter?
Cartman: Chef, God told me I was to start a boy band and make $10 million. The problem is, it isn't working. I mean, [with feeling] I feel the music burning inside me. But I just can't express it right, you know? [the woman sits on Chef's left side and strokes his arm]
Chef: Well, Eric, I, I think you were just focusin' in on the wrong thing. Boy bands aren't about music, Boy bands are created by corporations to make money. They're all based on the Gomlich effect.
Cartman: What's the Gomlich effect.
Chef: The law of physics that states, "If one girl screams for something, it will make other girls scream. And then, it grows exponentiously until all girls within a five-mile radius are screaming."
Cartman: So how do boy bands use that?
Chef: All they do is make videos, showing tons and tons of girls screaming for the boy band. Once you get girls screaming, you can't stop 'em. They're crazih! [the blonde gets cross and scoots away; Chef quickly makes amends] Uh-uh, except for Lilian, of course. [she goes sweet on him again]
Cartman: Thanks!
Chef: You're welcome. Now, go away! [watches as Cartman drops down and heads for the front door, exits…] A-and a cucumber in the pants never hurt either!
Cartman: [outside] Cucumber in the pants. Got it. [and closes the door]
[South Park Elementary, playground, day. Nine kids are there: the five band members and the four other girls in class. Cartman is talking to the girls. He seems to have taken Chef's advice…]
Cartman: Alright, everybody, listen up! This is how this first sh*t is gonna work: The girls are standing here, and then the members of the band walk by looking cool. When you see us, you girls all scream like, "Oh my God, it's Fingerbang. Oh my God." Okay?
Bebe: Are we gonna get paid now, or after?
Cartman: I'll pay you afterwards. Promise. Okay, Timmy, roll camera. [Timmy sits in the cameraman's chair]
Timmy: Tiimmmaaayyy! [Cartman inches his way to the group sideways]
Kyle: Dude, what's wrong with your leg?
Cartman: Huh? Oh, Chef says to put a cucumber down my pants for good luck. [the band walks across the ground in front of the girls]
The Girls: Aaah. Wow. Woohoo. Yay.
Cartman: Waitwaitwaitwait, CUT!
Timmy: Huhaaaaah!
Cartman: Let's go crazier than that! I mean, you have to act like it's freakin' Leonardo Di Caprio!
Bebe: We wouldn't give a rat's ass if Leonardo Di Caprio came walking past us.
The Other Girls: Yeah.
Cartman: Fine! Who would you go crazy for?
The Girls: …Matt Lauer.
Cartman: …Okay, fine! Pretend that we're Matt Lauer.
Bebe: Oh. Okay. [Cartman positions himself in front of them]
Cartman: Roll camera!
Timmy: Timmuh! [the band tries again]
The Girls: AAAAAAAAAH! [the band scatters away from the screaming. Cartman falls, then gets up]
Cartman: Jesus Christ!
[South Park Elementary, playground, later. The band is still sh**ting the video. Bebe and the redhead make a fuss over Cartman]
Fingerbang: Firgerbang-bang you ever-y night
Cartman: Aaand CUT. [music stops] Alright, our video's complete. Through the grace of God I can now go back to that mall manager and show him what ve've got!
Bebe: Okay, so where's our money?
Cartman: Oh uh, Kyle has it. [the girls move to Kyle. Cartman walks away.]
Randy: [arrives] Stanely, what the hell are you doing?
Stan: We are making a music video.
Randy: You get in the truck right now! [points at it]
Stan: Dad, I was just a-
Randy: [pointing] GET IN THE TRUCK! [Stan walks to the truck dejected]
[The road, the Marsh truck. Randy drives Stan home]
Stan: Dad, I did all my chores. Why can't I play with my friends?
Randy: Stanley, it's just that there's better things you could be doing on a Saturday than singing and dancing. You could be warching TV or, laying in bed.
Stan: Dad, I like being in a boy band. I think it's interesting.
Randy: Well, there's plenty of other interesting you can do! Have you ever tried marijuana?
Stan: No.
Randy: Well, maybe it's time.
Stan: Dad!
[South Park Mall, late morning. The guards relax on the second floor railings. A stooped man with a clear vessel filled with a green substance walks past them]
Veteran Guard: Ey! What are you doin'?
Madman: I've got a new strain of anthr*x that I will soon unleash upon all of North America!
Veteran Guard: Move along, sir.
Madman: Wuh? [walks away]
Cartman: Attention, shoppers: There are naked people at the orange smoothie machine. There are naked people at the orange smoothie machine. [crowds of mall shoppers head for the orange smoothie machine.]
A Running Shopper: Oh my God!
Veteran Guard: God damnit! [he and the rookie give chase]
Cartman: [enters the manager's office] Hello again!
Manager: What? Oh. It's you. I don't like you.
Cartman: I know you didn't love our audition. But now we have a video.
Manager: Oh. What?
Cartman: [retrieves a TV cart with VCR and pops the VCR in. The video pops up] If you would, sir, just watch this and prepare to be wowed! [at first, only the boys' hats are seen, near the play elephants. The camera spins right, then down, and the girls' feet are seen. The camera spins up and left, and finaly rests on Timmy]
Timmy: Timmiihh! [The camera turns left again and catches a glimpse of the girls, then ends up on Cartman, and zooms in on the cucumber]
Cartman: Uh God damnit! Our camera guy kinda sucks, but this next sh*t we did was really cool. [the camera gets a glimpse of the four girls, then moves off them a second after Cartman appears]
Timmy: Haaaah. [waves at the camera, then moves his wheelchair back and dances to the music] Timmih, livin' a lie!
Cartman: Son of a bitch!
Manager: Hey. This video is dumb.
Cartman: [d*ad air on tape] You don't understand. Girls were going crazy for it. Please. This is what God want me to do. Ple-ease.
Manager: Alright alright. What? Well, I guess I can move the sausage and cheese cart off to one side. [gives a warning face] For a little while.
Cartman: Really? You will?
Manager: Only for twenty minutes, though.
Cartman: That's all we need! How about this afternoon at 3 o'clock?
Manager: Oh. Okay. [static shows up on the video]
Cartman: Yes! Thank you sir, you will not be disappointed! [a previous recording is shown: ]
Mr. Mackey: Oh, Mrs. Cartman, I've been uh very bad. M'kay? [he's handcuffed against a brick wall. Mrs. Cartman appears as a dominatrix]
Liane: You have been bad, so you're gonna have to drink from this glass. [points to it, then spreads her legs and pisses into it as he watches.]
Mr. Mackey: Oh, yeah, that makes me hot, m'kay? [Cartman is shocked at what he sees; the manager is pleased]
Cartman: Aw, mom!
Manager: Wow. What?
[The Marsh house, later. Stan sits on the sofa as Randy paces the floor back and forth]
Stan: It's not fair, Dad! Why can't I be in a boy band?!
Randy: Because I said so!
Stan: Dad, Cartman said we're gonna perform at the mall at 3 o'clock. My friends are gonna be pissed off at me.
Randy: Let 'em be pissed off, then!
Stan: I don't understand! Just let me go do this one thing, and I won't ever-
Randy: NOOO!! [walks over to the china cabinet] NOOO!! [smashes his head through its glass doors, causing the dishes to slide out and break up. Stan is distraught, and Randy stands up, ashamed and shocked at his behavior. He walks back to Stan, then turns away defeated]
Stan: Dad? What the hell is going on?
Randy: …I was- …I was 18 when my high-school men's choir performed at the grand opening of a sporting-goods store.in Denver. [a flashback starts. A young Randy is at lower left corner of the choir, and the choir begins this song: "Everything will wait / Weave all ye little reins…"] I was just one of fifteen members and I had no idea that a record producer was in the audience. [the audience claps. The producer is in the second row of spectators. The choir members split up and the producer rushes up to Randy]
Producer: Kid, can I talk to you?
Randy: Uh sure.
Producer: Heh, you were really great up there. Too good for a pissant choir in a pissant mountain town.
Randy: Ohh, thanks.
Producer: Listen: I'm putting together a rock group. A vocal group called the Ghetto Avenue Boys. I think you would make a perfect member.
Randy: What? Me? Do you like my singing that much?
Producer: Yeah, I think your mustache is perfect. How would you like to come to New York and start a singing career?
Randy: Oh my God, I don't know. I mean, I still have another year of high school, and I-
Producer: Hey, look, if you don't want it, I'll keep looking-
Randy: [interrupting] No! Wait. I mean, ah-I'll think about it.
Producer: I take it that means yes. Call me in the morning. [slips a business card into Randy's coat pocket and pats it]
Randy: And just like that I left everything. I dropped out of high school…
Randy: [walks by Denver High] See ya. [walks away]
Randy: …I said good-bye to my girlfriend…
Randy: See ya. [waves, turns and walks away, leaving a distraught girl with mouth open]
Randy: …And I left my family.
Randy: See ya. [gets into his b*at-up pale-yellow car and drives off, leaving his parents at the front door]
Randy: And suddenly there I was, thrown into a group with four other young men who I didn't even know. [the five are recording their first song]
Producer: Take 112!
Ghetto Avenue Boys: You've… got… it!
You know you've got… it. [Randy: Girl]
What you've got is it!
Randy: It's obvious to me.
Randy: The songs were terrible. But believe it or not, the country ate them up. The next thing I knew, we were the biggest thing in the world. [the song continues as he speaks, and the scene changes from the studio, to a poster, to a concert as the camera leaves the poster]
Ghetto Avenue Boys: Shirl! You've… got… it!
It… is what you've got, girl!
What you've got is it!
Randy: Now, give it to me, 'cause-
Randy: [more scenes from his glory days] I had everything. A huge house, [the backyard pool: he's resting on an inflatable chaise longue while women sorround him] and all the women you can imagine. [seven or eight bikini-clad women are in his bed, and he's rolling back and forth over all of them] And then one day, just as quick as it started…
Producer: [the Ghetto Avenue Boys enter to rehearse, but…] Alright, guys, let's take it from the top.
Randy: Hey, Mr. Allens
Producer: Heh? Woh. Uh. R-randy.
Randy: Who are they [five new guys are in the recording booth]
Producer: These are the Avenue Ghetto Street Boys, my… new boy band.
Randy: But, w-we're still selling records, right?
Producer: Look, kid, you're just getting a little… old to be in a boy band.
Randy: I'm 19.
Producer: Get a life, Marsh! [the Ghetto Avenue Boys turn around and walk out the door] Alright, guys, let's take it from the top.
Randy: They said that after all the money we had made we were in debt to the studio, so they towed my car…
Tow Truck Driver: [wearing a "Tacos" hat] See ya. [tows a blue sports car away]
Randy: …the women all left…
Women: See ya. [the women pour out of bed and leave]
Randy: …and they took back my house
Randy: [gets kicked out of the house] Ugh. [the producer stands at the French doors]
Producer: See ya. [Randy gets up and walks away]
Randy: The only thing I could do was come back to Colorado, and face everyone that I had abandoned.
Woman: Hey! Weren't you the guy in that stupid boy band, the Ghetto Avenue Boys?
Man: Sure, I remember you! [starts mocking] You got it, baby. You got it, baby. [he and the others begin to laugh, and it soon gets overwhelming. Randy looks around, scared. The flashback ends]
Randy: [voice full of emotion] And so you see, Stanley, I… do know what I'm talking about.
Stan: Jesus Christ. …I never knew.
Randy: I didn't want you to know. Because now I'm a joke. Ever since then, I've wished every single day that I could go back to that moment when I was offered the job and say, "No!" Because all the fame and the money, the women—all it did was build me up, so that I could be knocked down harder than anybody in the world. [Stan is listening] That is what being in a boy band is all about, Stanley. [bitterness creeps in] It's people smothering you and embracing you and loving you and then ssspitting you out and throwing you away like you were last night's pork chops! Now we wander the earth in disarray—us, New Kids On The Block, the Osmonds… We're all the same. And THAT… is why you can't go to the mall! [walks off]
Stan: [left with his thoughts] …Oh-kay.
[South Park Mall, afternoon. Most of Fingerbang is on the plaza stage, peeking out from behind a curtain with the band's name on it. People begin to gather in front of the stage.]
Kyle: Wew. There must be at least 20 people out there. [the band regroups]
Cartman: Where the hell is Stan?!
Kyle: He'll be here. Stan wouldn't douche.
Cartman: I swear to God, if he ruins this dream of mine I will HAVE HIS NUTS!
Manager: [approaches] Hey. Uh, are you gonna do that thing or what?
Cartman: Yes. Yes, sir, any second—we're just waiting on one more member.
Manager: Well hurryup. I can't keep the sausage and cheese cart off this spot much longer. [the cart is shown with Swiss cheese and sausage, and a pissed-off vendor]
Cartman: Yeah. We'll start right away. [the manager walks away. Cartman turns to Kyle] We'll have to do it without him.
Kyle: Hell no! I'm not being part of a four-member boy band! We'll look stupid!
Kenny: (Yeah!)
Cartman: Oh, God-damnit!
[The Marsh house, later. Randy is sitting at the foot of his bed, reading from an issue of Teen Heat dedicated to the band. The camera zooms out fron the magazine cover to Randy reading]
Stan: [enters] Dad?
Randy: Huh? Yeah?
Stan: Well,… I just wanted to tell you… that I don't think you're a joke. I mean, whatever you used to be, you're just my dad. And you're the best dad I've ever had.
Randy: [thinks, then lowers the magazine] Come here, Stanley. [Stan approaches and sits next to his dad] Stan, it was wrong of me to try and stop you from joining a boy band without explaining why. I've made some mistakes in my life, and now… I have to let you make your own mistakes.
Stan: Yeah.
Randy: You know, in a way, I think I was even jealous of you being in a boy band. Isn't that stupid?
Stan: Not really. Not any more stupid than some of the other stuff you've done.
Randy: Well, come on. I'll drive you down to the mall.
Stan: Really??
Randy: Yeah. I wanna see what you guys can do. And then we'll go buy you a small toy so that you can forget all about this.
Stan: Alright! [father and son get up and leave the bedroom. Randy tosses his magazine aside]
[South Park Mall, afternoon. Everyone is waiting for Fingerbang to sing]
Man: What's happening here?
Woman: I don't know, uh. I guess nothng.
Man: Hm. Well, let's just walk away then. [man and woman leave]
Cartman: God damnit! People are walking away! [drops back behnd the curtain]
Manager: [arrives again] Alright, kids, uh, that does it. You're gonna have to move and make way for the sausage and cheese cart.
Cartman: Just another minute.
Manager: Sorry! Get out! [the band members walk sullenly away]
Cartman: [stops and looks up] Well God, I guess you got me again, didn't you? Hyeah, that was a good one, God. Hope it made you laugh, you sick bastard.
Wendy: [rushes up to Cartman and points] What's that? [a grinning Randy and Stan arrive in an elevator]
Kyle: It's Stan! [the other members have returned]
Cartman: Oh, thank you God! Oh, praise his name! [walks off smiling as Stan arrives]
Kyle: Dude, where the hell have you been?!
Cartman: [approaches the manager] Sir! We're all here now! Can we go on, please?
Manager: Who? Well. Okay, I guess. But hurry up.
Cartman: We will! [moves to the front of the stage and addresses the audience] Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to witness the next great boy band of the countrih! Someday you will all be among those who can say, "I saw Fingerbang when they first performed at some crappy little mall." [the manager takes offense] And so, without further ado, all five members of the…
Kenny: [while Cartman talks] (Uf) [an elevator crushes him and Cartman stops. Eveyone around, including Cartman, are stunned. The doors open and the occupants exit]
Stan: Oh my God, they k*lled Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Cartman: [traumatized] No! He can't be d*ad!
Kyle: Dude, he's pretty d*ad.
Cartman: No! We were so close!
Manager: Alright, that's it, kids! Get out!
Cartman: But we have to perform!
Kyle: We don't have a fifth member, Cartman!
Stan: Oh, yes we do.
[South Park Mall, later. The stage is set, the intro begins]
Cartman: Thank you all for your patience, and now get ready for Fingerbang!
Fingerbang: [the new fifth member: Randy]
Fingerbang!
Bang bang. [audience members look at each other]
Fingerbang-bang!
Bangbangbang. [people begin to leave]
I'm gonna fingerbang-bang you into my life
Girl, you like to fingerbang, and it's alright. [Janitors wearing face masks scrape Kenny's remains off the elevator]
'Cause I'm the king of fingerbang; let's not fight [the veteran mall guard swivels his hips around happily as the rookie looks on]
I'm goin' tuh fingerbang-bang you ever-y night [Cartman: I'll just]
Fingerbang-bang you ever-y night!
Cartman: Chuh! [only four shoppers remain to clap for them] Yes! Yes! Thank youuuu, yes!
[South Park Mall, later. Janitors continue cleaning the elevator that crushed Kenny, the sausage and cheese cart is rolled back on stage, and Fingerbang sits on the edge of the stage, dropping pieces of their costumes into the pit below]
Kyle: We made two dollars.
Stan: You were great, dad.
Randy: Yeah. I guess I still got it in me a little.
Little Girl: Can I get your autograph?
Cartman: Ok- Okay okay
Veteran Guard: [arrives with the rookie and moves the girl aside] Hey, don't hassle the talent, ma'am!
Little Girl: [looks at the guard] I actually don't really know who they are, I was just getting an autograph and- [the veteran guard sprays her with pepper] A-a-aaa-a-aaah!
Veteran Guard: Move along, ma'am. [the little girl runs off stage] Eh, that was pretty good, kids. Maybe you can come perform at my Elks Club sometime.
Cartman: Okay, yeah, maybe. [the mall cops walk away] God. Now it's like everybody wants a piece of us.
Kyle: Yeah.
Cartman: I don't know if I can handle all this fame. I mean, I always thought I'd wanna become famous, but now that I am, I don't know if I like it. I mean, I probably can't even walk through this mall right now without people goin', "Oh my God, it's the Fingerbang guy! Oh my God!"
Kyle: …Yeah. That's gonna suck.
Stan: Yeah. I just wanna be a normal kid again. Have a normal life and appreciate what I have.
Randy: [looks at Stan and pats him on the back] Well, I think you boys are very smart for your age. Come on. I'll buy you all an orange smoothie. [gets up and moves off the stage]
Stan: I don't think they sell those anymore. [gets up and follows his dad off; Wendy gets up and follows him]
Kyle: Hey, Cartman, do you think God's getting mad at you for not making $10 million? [gets up and follows the others off the stage. Cartman gets up and follows him]
Cartman: Aw, screw God. I'm not scared o' him. He's a p*ssy. [the stage is empty now, but Cartman returns and looks up] You know I'm just kiddin', right? Heheyeah. [turns and walks off again.]
[End of Something You Can Do With Your Finger] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x08 - Something You Can Do With Your Finger"} | foreverdreaming |
[South Park, the church, day. The congregation is heard singing along with an organ. Inside, the town has assembled for services]
Congregation: I walk hand-in-hand with Jesus
Over at the park by where he lives
I tell him all my problems [the cantor is shown at the pulpit]
And sometimes he tells me his
What a friend I have in Jesus [Stan, Kenny, and Cartman are shown]
I can say that honestly [other townsfolk are shown]
He's not like all my other friends
Who really don't care about me.
Amen.
Stan: [to Kenny] Bo-ring.
Cantor: And now Mr. Mackey will read his favorite psalm for us, Psalm 46. [steps out of the way]
Mr. Mackey: Uh, God is our refuge and strength, m'kay. A very present help in trouble, m'kay. [Cartman starts talking to Stan and Kenny] Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea…
Cartman: [as Mackey speaks] Hey, you guys, you wanna know what my favorite psalm is? "It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation. [Stan and Kenny begin to laugh] This sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation." [stops]
Mr. Mackey: God is in the midst of her, m'kay. She shall not be moved, m'kay. [Stan resumes cnversing with the other two] Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, m'kay, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof, m'kay. There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place- [interrupted by the priest]
Stan: [as Mackey speaks] Waiwaiwaiwaiwait. "It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's…"
Cartman: "It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation [Stan and Kenny begin to laugh] to increase the population of the younger generation."
Kenny: (It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's operation-)
Cartman: No no, no. Separation.
Stan: "It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's-"
Priest Maxi: BOYS! You are in CHURCH! [Liane raises her arm and slaps Cartman across the back.]
Cartman: [falls off the pew and onto the floor] Ugh!
Mr. Mackey. -m'kay. The God of Jacob is our refuge, m'kay. [walks from the pulpit back to his seat. The priest replaces him]
Priest Maxi: Thank you, Mr. Mackey. Hello, everyone. Today, we're going to talk about hell. [an organ swells into a dreadful chord. The boys are afraid] Hell is not a very nice place. Burning, searing, flames. Screaming, t*rture. For eternity. Once you are in hell, you cannot escape. You live forever in horrible pain, in burning agony. All sinners are there in misery, dying over and over and over. [the camera begins to descend through the floor, past the foundation, several layers of dirt, a sewage pipe…] If you be cast down into this black bog of stench, then woe is thou, […more layers of dirt and some fossils…] for Satan has made it the most miserable place in the universe! […and finally, an inferno full of skulls] And he will be your ruler! [the camera stops at this sign: "Welcome to Hell"] Your rulet of pain and agony!
[Hell. Music is heard, and the camera pans right, past this sign: "Don't Forget! IT'S LUAU SUNDAY!!!"]
Singers: Are we going to the Hukilau?
The Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau? [Satan joins them]
Are we going to the Hukilau?
The Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau? [Jerry Garcia is seen]
Everybody loves a hukilau-
Gene Siskel: I do!
Singers: Where the laulau is the kaukau at the luau [A monster band plays]
We throw our nets out into the sea [Satan does throw out a net]
And all the ama-ama come swimmin' to me [two demons retrieve the net, with fish in it]
Are we going to the Hukilau?
The Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau?
Hula Dancers: Are we going to the Hukilau?
Three Tortured Souls: The Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau?
Hula Dancers: Everybody loves a Hukilau, [a hula dancer's head falls off]
Males: Where the laulau is the kaukau at the luau [Three other tortured souls watch as Satan and George Burns meet at the spit and Satan roasts the man attached]
All: We throw our nets out into the sea. [Bob Hope and Dean Martin motion for the nets to be dropped]
And all the ama-ama come a-swimming to me [The demons harvest the catch, Tiny Tim surfs and plays his ukulele]
Are we going to the hukilau? [A three-person band of monsters sings and plays, then a group sh*t of Satan and others]
The Huki Huki Huki Huki Hukilau?
Huki……… Luki……… Lau?……… [the camera pulls back to show everyone. An Aloha sign appears above.]
Satan: Yeah!
Demon: Hennnh! [bites a damned soul]
Man: Aaawwwwwww! [the others laugh]
Gary: Great luau, Satan.
Satan: Thanks. See ya, Gary. Thanks for comin'. Oh- Hi, Marsha.
Walter: Satan, a few of us are gonna go pound some brews. You wanna join us?
Satan: Oh, I'd love to, Mr. Matthau, but I can't. Chris and I just moved to the west side and we have to unpack.
Walter: Oh, well, maybe next time. Great luau!
Satan: Bye.
[Hell, a marina. Boats, yachts, and one big ship are docked on the liquid lava below. A complex of buildings is shown. A woman somewhere screams. At the main entrance the sign reads, "RIVER STYX CONDOMINIUMS. UNITS STILL AVAILABLE." Inside his condo, Satan sets up a ceramic doll display and hums a bit]
Satan: Chris?
Chris: [off-screen] Yeah?
Satan: Did you, uh, see my "Boy With An Umbrella" Hummel?
Chris: Uuh, no, but there's still some boxes coming from the movers.
Satan: Oh, okay, thanks. [the doorbell rings.] Oh, that must be them now. [goes to answer the door, and opens it] Just put the boxes by the-
Saddam: Hello, Satan! [opens his arms wide and grins big. He has two suitcases, one on either side of him]
Satan: [stunned] Saddam…
Saddam: [cuddly] Did you miss me, buttercup?
Satan: No, it can't be! You're d*ad! I k*lled you!
Saddam: Yeah, you k*lled me. So? Where was I gonna go? Detroit?
Satan: Oh no. [looks up] Oh, God no.
[South Park, the church, day. Priest Maxi finishes his sermon. Fear is shown across the faces of many of the congregants]
Priest Maxi: A place of everlasting agony and pain! Hell awaits all sinners and all who do not accept Christ! [Stan grits his teeth, Cartman's jaw drops, Kenny trembles a little] Children in this town have not been attending Sunday school after Mass! And adults have not been coming to Confession! If this does not change, I promise you, you will be going to the black pit of Satan's world! [Cartman grits his teeth] That is all. Peace be with you. [congregants rise and file out of church. Randy and Sharon Marsh are the last two adults out]
Randy: Well, that was quite an uplifting sermon.
Sharon: Yeah. [Stan, Cartman, and Kenny run up to them from behind]
Stan: Mom, wuh we're staying for Sunday school.
Sharon: [she, Liane, and Randy spin around] What?
Stan: We have to go to Sunday school so we don't burn! [turns around, runs to the altar, and turns right. Kenny follows him]
Cartman: Yeah. I'll see ya later, mom. [runs out after the other two.]
Randy: Oh, now look at that. They're scared to death.
Priest Maxi: [comes up behind them] Hell is a very real place, Mr. and Mrs. Marsh. I'm trying to save their souls and the souls of everyone in this town from the wretched lake of f*re!
[The wretched lake of f*re — I mean, Hell, the River Styx Condominiums, Satan's front door. Satan has taken refuge behind the door and peeks out]
Saddam: Come on, guy. Just let me in so we can talk.
Satan: I don't want to talk to you, Saddam! This isn't what I need in my life right now.
Chris: [peeks out from another room] Is that the movers, Satan?
Satan: [hides his disdain] Ah. Yeah. Yeah, it's just the movers
Chris: Oh, well, tell them I'm leavin' their check on the counter. [disappears]
Satan: Okay, Chris.
Saddam: Satan, look: I know our relationship wasn't perfect. Okay? I know that. I was too busy tryin' to take over the world to give you what you needed. But I've changed, Satan. [flashes his charm]
Satan: [sarcastically] Oh, why, I haven't heard that one before.
Saddam: COME ON, can't we just go out for a burrito? [Satan thinks about it. Saddam appears dressed for a fiesta and shakes the maracas around] ¡Me gusta burrito mucho!
Satan: I can't, Saddam. I'm with Chris now.
Saddam: Who?? Screw 'im! He can't pound your ass like I can!
Satan: Good-bye, Saddam!
Saddam: Wait. Wait, I'm sorry, heh. But Satan, you can't deny what's between us. [pats his hair] You can try, but you know we belong together.
Satan: My life is good now, Saddam. Chris treats me well. You and I are through. Good-bye. [closes the door, sighs, and walks off to his left, past a window]
Saddam: [pops up outside the window] Hey, come on, guy! Give me a break! [Satan looks, then lowers the blinds, and continues walking]
[South Park, the church, day. Sunday school is in session, apparently at the church basement. A nun and eleven children sit around a table. Clockwise: the nun, a blonde girl, Clyde, Butters, Token, Kenny, Stan, Cartman, Pip, Bebe, Tweek, and a blond boy. A Twister game in on one side of the room, a bicycle on the other]
Nun: Hello, children. I'm Sister Anne. And I'll be teaching you so that you can all receive your First Communion.
Stan: [quite afraid] Are we gonna go to hell?
Sister Anne: Well, hopefully not. That's why you're gonna need to receive Communion.
Cartman: A- And as long as we get this Communion thing, we're safe?
Stan: What if we haven't really done anything that horribly bad in our lives.
Cartman: Yeah, what if we haven't?
Sister Anne: It doesn't matter, because we are all born with Original Sin. Now, let me explain how Communion works. [brings out a golden dish with round wafers on it] The priest will give you this round cr*cker, [lifts up and displays a wafer] and he will say, "The Body of Christ," and then you eat it. [silence]
Cartman: Jesus was made of crackers?
Sister Anne: No.
Stan: But crackers are his- body.
Sister Anne: Yes.
Kenny: [thinks a while, then] (What?!)
Sister Anne: In the Book of Mark, Jesus distributed bread and said, "eat this, for it is my body."
Cartman: So wwe won't go to hell as long as we eat crackers.
Sister Anne: Nononono!
Butters: Uhwell, uhwhat are we eatin' then?
Sister Anne: The Body of Christ! [confused faces all around]
Stan: Nonono, I get it. Jesus wanted us to eat him, but he didn't want us to be cannibals, so he turned himself into crackers, and then told people to eat him.
Sister Anne: No!
Stan: No??
Butters: Huh-I can't whistle if I eat too many crackers.
Sister Anne: Look: all you have to know is that when the priest gives you the cr*cker, you eat it! Okay?!
Kenny, Stan, Cartman: O-kay.
Sister Anne: And then, you will drink a very small amount of wine, for that, is the Blood of Christ.
Cartman: [unconvinced, closes his Bible] Aw, come on now, this is just getting silly! [rests his head on his left hand]
Sister Anne: Eric, do you wanna go to hell?!
Cartman: [startled] Nno!
Sister Anne: Then stop questioning me.
Cartman: But now we can have Communion and not go to hell, right?
Sister Anne: No. Because before you can take your first Communion, you have to have your first Confeesion.
Stan: Confession? [Kenny snaps to attention, jarring music plays in the background]
Sister Anne: You'll be getting in the Confession box with a priest and confessing all your sins, so that God can forgive you. You kids will all have to go to your first Confession this Tuesday, so I want you all to go home tonight and think long and hard about all your sins, so that you can tell the priest everything. [Fear appears in the faces of all the kids there]
Kenny: (OH, SHIT!)
[Hell, the River Styx Condominiums, Satan's kitchen. He and Chris are washing dishes. He soaks, Chris rinses]
Chris: Those were some great pork chops, Satan.
Satan: Yeah.
Chris: Hey, you. [puts a dish away] You've been actin' strange all night. What's up?
Satan: [jittery] Nothing. Why?
Chris: Well, it's… just that you've washed that same dish seven times now, silly.
Satan: [sheepish] Oh, huh. Sorry, huh-huh. [holds a plate in his hands, then gives it to Chris]
Chris: [puts it away] Come on, Satan. You know you can tell me anything. What's up?
Satan: Well, Chris, Saddam showed up today.
Chris: [stung] Oh. [thinks] Woww! [sighs] I wasn't ready for that.
Satan: He showed up spouting all kinds of things about how he's changed and he still loves me…
Chris: I thought you… k*lled him.
Satan: Yeah, well, where was he gonna go? Detroit?
Chris: …Do you still love him?
Satan: No, Chris.
Chris: It's okay of you do.
Satan: Well, I mean- [sighs] Of course, there's a part of me that will always love him, I… But I also know how abusive he was—I'm much happier with you.
Chris: Well, you know what I think we should do? I think we should all get together and just talk, like adults.
Satan: What?
Chris: We're all grown men here, Satan. I wanna just go meet this guy.
Satan: No, Chris, you don't understand. Saddam is f*cking crazy.
Chris: Oh, I know he's got the whole bad-boy thing going. But I think that's what you were attracted to. But I can be a pretty rough tumbler myself. [tosses a plate into the air. It falls onto the floor and breaks up, startling him] Oops! [bends down to pick up the pieces.] Aw, butternuts! [Satan just glances away]
[South Park, curbside. Stan, Cartman, and Kenny are seated there. Cartman has pen and notebook in hand]
Stan: Okay, let's see. Uuh, oh yeah, there was the time we threw a fish into the busdriver's hair and she didn't find it for seven days.
Cartman: Oh yeah, okay.
Stan: And thennn there was the time we held that little first-grader down and farted on him for 28 munites.
Cartman: Right, I already got that one.
Kyle: [stops by] Hey, dudes. What are you doin'?
Stan: We're trying to remember all our sins. Sister Anne told us we have to confess all our sins or else we're gonna go to hell.
Kyle: Uhwuwhat?
Stan: Have you confessed all your sins yet?
Kyle: No-o-o-o-o!
Cartman: Dude, he's Jewish. He doesn't have to confess his sins.
Kyle: Oh good. I don't?
Cartman: No, you're already going to hell.
Kyle: I am not!
Cartman: You are, too!
Stan: Dude, this ledy told us if you don't confess all your sins and you don't eat crackers and drink wine, then you go to hell. Period.
Kyle: I'm gonna go ask my mom! [walks away]
Stan: Now, let's see. What about the time we set Mr. Garrison's cat onfire?
Cartman: Alright. That was mostly Kenny's fault.
Kenny: (What?)
Butters: [rushes in with Timmy and Token] Eyou guys! Eyou guys! Uh we just thought of somethin'!
Stan: What, Butters?
Butters: Uhwell, uh what about the handicapped kid, uh-Timmy?
Timmy: Timmiih!
Cartman: What'd we do to Timmy?
Butters: No! I mean, poor Timmy's gonna go to hell! He can't confess his sins, 'cause all he can say is his name!
Timmy: Timmiih!
Cartman: Oh yeah, you're right. I guess Timmy's pretty screwed.
Stan: Oh man, we can't let Timmy go to hell. We have to do something.
Kenny: (What are we gonna do?)
Stan: I don't know. I don't know what we're gonna do.
[Hell. Satan sits on a boulder with four demons and a small monster off to his left]
Satan: [pensive] I don't know what I'm gonna do. I can't deny my feelings for Saddam, but… my life is so much better now with Chris. [the monster gives him some commentary in gibberish] Yeah. It's like Chris is so perfect in every way, but there's just something about Saddam that I'm more more attracted to. [the monster makes a suggestion] In what way? [the monster tells him] Yeah, you're right. Saddam would just treat me bad again. I'm just gonna have to not see Saddam. Put him out of my mind and focus on Chris. If I don't see Saddam, then I won't have such strong feelings for him. Thanks guys. [turns right to walk away]
Chris: [arrives] There you are.
Satan: [turns right] Oh hi, Chris!
Chris: I've been lookin' all over for you. I have to tell you somethin' that might make you… a little mad.
Satan: What?
Chris: Well, I called Saddam Hussein and invited him over for dinner tonight.
Satan: You WHAT?!
Chris: I just think we all need to get this out in the open.
Satan: Oh, Chris! Rraarr! [raises his arms in fury and points his right hand away. Lightning comes out from his index finger and scorches a tree.] Rraahh! [points his left hand away. Lightning comes out from his index finger and scorches the aboriginal monster he was talking with earlier.]
Chris: [walks up to Satan] Come on, Satan. We're all adults here. He was an important person in your life, for better or for worse. So, I wanna know him. If he sees that I'ma real person too, then… well, maybe he'll see how happy we are together.
Satan: No, Chris! He'll try to k*ll you is what he'll do!
Chris: Satan, we're not in junior high school anymore.
Satan: [incredulous] Oh, dear God. [slaps his hand to his face]
[South Park, the church. Stan sits on a bench praying. A confession box stands nearby with two doors, one of which is open. Apparently, he's already confessed his sins.]
Stan: Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art though amongst wo-
Cartman: [approaches] How was it?
Stan: Uh- Aw, dude, you screwed me up!
Cartman: Huh?
Stan: The guy in there said I have to say 54 Hail Marys. Now I can't remember if I was on number seven or eight.
Cartman: Who's in there?
Stan: I don't know. You can't see him; it's just some anonymous guy.
Cartman: Well, here goes everything. [walks to the penitent side of the confession box and enters.]
[The confessional, inside. Cartman sits and faces the partition.]
Cartman: [hesitantly] Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
Priest Maxi: [in the confessor's side] Blessed art thou, child. Now, what do you have to confess?
Cartman: Well, let's see. I'd like to start, if I may, back when I was two and a half. It was a cold April morning, and the dew on the grass was frozen, like tiny beads of glass…
[The church, inside, next to the confessional. Stan continues his prayers]
Stan: …Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Ble-
Kenny: [arrives] (Hey, dude.)
Stan: God damnit!
Kenny: (What??)
Stan: [notices someone and points] Oh, there's Sister Anne! Come on, we've got to ask her about Timmy. [he and Kenny walk over to her. She's kneeling before a table of candles and a portrait of Jesus] Sister Anne?
Sister Anne: Oh, hello, children.
Stan: We have a question.
Sister Anne: [rises] Okay, sh**t.
Stan: Where do handicapped people go when they die?
Sister Anne: [thinks a moment, then] The handicapped are just people like you and me, so the same rules apply. They need to be baptized, take Communion, and confess their sins.
Stan: But our friend Timmy can't really talk. All he can do is say his own name, so he can't really confess his sins. So is he goin' to go to hell?
Sister Anne: Uugh. This really isn't a question for me, it's for the priest. [begins to hurry away] I'll see if I can find him. Bye. [Stan and Kenny look at each other]
[The confessional, inside. Cartman goes through his extensive list of sins]
Cartman: And that was about everything from first grade. Then last year, well, you can't tell anybody about this stuff, right?
Priest Maxi: Your [clears his throat] con- confession does not leave this box.
Cartman: Okay, because, last year, I took a sandwich that the priest of this church had been eating.
Priest Maxi: [guarded] Oh. Well, Uh arr-I'm sure he would forgive you if he knew.
Cartman: No, but I'm not finished yet. I took the sandwich that the priest was eating, took the piece of ham out of it, put it between my butt cheeks, and then put the sandwich back and watched him eat it. [Cartman looks up for a response, but nothing happens]
Priest Maxi: [after a pause] I… see.
Cartman: Yeah, and then this other time, I went pee-pee in the holy water thing, and the priest blessed himself on the forehead with it every day for about a week. [the priest grows more concerned and his jaw drops] And then this one time, I was at the park, and the priest was out walking his dog and I went-… number two on the sidewalk and then told officer Barbrady that it was the priest's dog. [Preist Maxi's worry has turned to anger he's trying to contain] And so the priest got find like a hundred dollars for not cleaning it up. And then this one time, I put super glue all over the priest's bottle of- [an arm tears through the partition and grabs Cartman by the throat] -eh- Ow! [throttles him back and forth] D'ow! Jesus! Ooww-ah! Ow! [the priest pulls him up into the partition a few times] Eh! Oh! Help. [The confession box rocks back and forth] Oh! Somebody help! God damnit! Let me out of here!
Sister Anne: [arrives and knocks on the priest's door as Cartman screams] Father! I need to talk to you. Father! [an angry Priest Maxi exits the box] I have to ask you a question.
Priest Maxi: Okayokay, fine! [walks away with Sister Anne]
Cartman: [the door opens and he falls to the floor] Uh-huh- [Stan and Kenny rush up] Oho! Ohoho.
Stan: What happened??
Cartman: I felt it, you guys. I felt the angry hands of God. [Stan and Kenny get afraid] He is an angry God, you guys. We all have to start taking this very seriously.
[Hell, River Styx Condominiums. The doorbell rings at Satan and Chris's condo. Chris walks to the door and opens it]
Chris: Oh, hello. You must be Saddam Hussein.
Saddam: And you must be Mr. Assface. [cocks his head in an open grin] Just kidding. You're Chris, right? Thanks for inviting me to dinner, guy. [reaches into his coat] Here, I brought you a potato. [hands him a baked potato still wrapped in aluminum foil]
Chris: [takes the potato] Oh, thank you.
Satan: [sees this and rushes up to Chris] Chris, no! It's a b*mb! [takes the potato and chucks it clear of the condo]
Chris: Satan, what the heck is wrong with you?
Saddam: Yeah! Hey, relax, guy. We're all here to act like adults, right? [the potato explodes in a manner that reveals it was a b*mb after all] Oh, gee. I guess I must've overcooked it. [chuckles]
Chris: Well, come on in. Dinner's just about ready.
[The Broflovski house, day. Sheila and Gerald sit on the living room sofa, and Ike reads from a book between them]
Ike: behayin' glah, and theh he find de eye. [reads from "Cannery Row" by John Steinbeck]
Gerald: Very good, Ike. That's two John Steinbeck books in one day.
Ike: Cookie monstooh.
Sheila: [affectionately] Oh, he's groing up so fast! [a door opens and closes]
Kyle: [rushes into the room] Mom! Dad! Am I gong to hell?
Sheila: Why? What did you do, Kyle?!
Kyle: Nothing. But the guys said if I don't confess my sins and eat crackers, I'm gonna go to hell.
Sheila: Oh noooo, that's just Catholics. Us Jews don't believe in hell.
Kyle: We don't? But what if we're wrong?
Sheila: Well…, Kyle…, they could be wrong, too.
Kyle: Yeah, but if they're wrong, no big deal. If we're wrong, we burn in hell.
Ike: Oh, no.
Gerald: Kyle, it's all about being a good person now! You see, Christians use hell as a way to scare people into believing what they believe. But to believe in something just because you're afraid of the consequenced if you dont believe in somethingis no reason to believe in something. Understand?
Ike: No-o-o.
Kyle: Well, you guys can do what you want! I'm going down to that church to confess my sins and eat crackers! And I'm taking Ike with me! [goes up to him and takes him away towards the front door. The book falls to the floor]
Sheila: Kyle!
[Hell, River Styx Condominiums. Dinner has been served. Saddam, Satan, and Chris sit at a round table, eating. Satan sits between the other two.]
Chris: So Saddam. Satan told me all about how you guys almost took over the world once.
Saddam: Hn-yeah, those were the days, boy. What the hell is this crap we're eating, anyway?
Satan: It's all vegetarian, Saddam. Chris was a nutritionist before he died.
Saddam: Oh, isn't that fascinating. So, tell me, Chris. How is it that you died?
Chris: Oh, well I, I actually slipped down an escalator, in a mall. Those things can be pretty sketchy.
Saddam: An escalator? What kind of p*ssy way of dying is that?!
Chris: L-look, Saddam, I know that you and Satan had a relationship [Saddam reaches down to stroke Satan's right leg] And I just want you to know [Satan swats Saddam's arm away] that I'm totally okay with you guys staying friends.
Saddam: Uh huh.
Chris: I think it's important to stay friends with people you've had relationships with. [Saddan tries twice more with Satan, but Satan keeps swatting Saddam's arm off] And I know that Satan and my relationship is strong enough that it can handle anything. [looks up to Satan] Right? [a tormented Satan looks down at a grinning Saddam, who is still stroking his leg] Right.
[The church, day. The rectory. Sister Anne, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny wait for Priest Maxi at his desk. On one side of the desk is a tray with holders that say, "The LORD Giveth" and "The LORD Taketh"]
Sister Anne: Father, the children asked me about their handicapped friend. I wanna explain to them that he's fine.
Priest Maxi: Well, has your friend ever confessed or been baptized?
Stan: I don't think so.
Priest Maxi: Then, hell awaits him.
Sister Anne: Father, these boys are really worried because they think they have to-
Priest Maxi: They SHOULD be worried! Boys, it is your Christian duty to save the souls of your friends!
Sister Anne: Yes, but-
Kyle: [rushes in with Ike in tow] Mister Father! [Sister Anne looks back at him] We have to ask you something.
Priest Maxi: Oh. You're the little Jewish boy, right?
Kyle: Yeah. If we're Jewish, are we gonna go to hell?
Priest Maxi: Well, young man, you can rest assured that according to Matthew 25, when you die you will stand before God and he will will say, "Depart from me, you cursèd, into the eternal f*re prepared for the devil and his angels." Yes! As a Jew, your home will be the lake of f*re.
Ike: [hiding behind a frightened Kyle] Oh no.
Sister Anne: Father-
Priest Maxi: I hope to see all of you in church this Sunday.
Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny: We will be. [the boys turn and walk out with Ike. Priest Maxi gloats]
Sister Anne: [concerned] Father, I don't know if I agree fully with what you're saying. I think that as long as Jewsih people are good, they will get into heaven.
Priest Maxi: Sister, the Jews crucified our Savior. I mean, if you don't go to hell for crucifying the Savior, then what the hell do you go to hell for?!
[The church, day. The boys stand in front of the candle table Sister Anne prayed at earlier]
Kyle: [breathless] Stan! You've got to help us become good Christians. Please.
Stan: Alrightalrightalright. You heard the priest: the first thing we have to do is get you guys all baptized. Come on. [the boys exit]
[Cartman's house, day. Timmy, Kyle, and Ike stand in a row as a hose splashes on each one for a few seconds. Cartman is the one doing the spraying while Stan and Kenny watch from the steps]
Stan: Okay, you'd better baptize Kyle some more.
Cartman: [points the hose at Kyle] Halleluyah! Wash away the sin-eh!
Kyle: HAAAAH!
Cartman: Turn around so I can clean out your ass.
Stan: Cartman!
Cartman: What?
Stan: Dude, you just said "ass"! That's a sin!
Cartman: Oh, now you've said it, too!
Stan: Oh, shit! [covers his mouth with his gloves.] Oh!
Kenny: (f*ck! Oops!) [covers his own mouth]
Cartman: Aw, dude, we've gotta go back to church and confess again.
Stan: But what about them?
Cartman: Ugh. Oh, I know. [runs away, but returns with an attachment] We can use Wacky Water Weasel! [sets everything up, and the Weasel sets to work spraying Timmy, Kyle, and Ike.]
Timmy: Haaaaah!
Stan: Okay, come on. [he, Cartman, and Kenny leave]
Timmy: Haaa-ay, Timmmiih!
[Hell, River Styx Condominiums. Dinner is over. Chris collects the dishes]
Chris: Hoof. Well, I don't know about you guys, but all that ginger made me tired.
Saddam: Yes. I guess I should be gettin' back. [leaves the table]
Satan: Good. I'll show you out.
Chris: Nice to meet you, Saddam! Have a safe walk back!
Saddam: Yeah. Thanks for the weak grass and twigs and stuff. [Satan shows him out; he faces Satan] Satan, that guy is a p*ssy!
Satan: He's s*ab, Saddam!
Saddam: Yes, that's what I said! He's a p*ssy!
Satan: Having s*ab in your life is a great thing! You should try it!
Saddam: For some people, maybe. But you like excitement. I know you, Satan. [grins]
Satan: I'm very happy with my life now.
Saddam: Here. [slips a key into Satan's hand] I'm at the bargain hotel on Monte Vista. Room 16.
Satan: No, Saddam! I won't be needing this!
Saddam: D'oh, I know you won't. But just keep it, just in case. It was good seeing you again, Satan. Goodnight. [to Chris, still inside the condo] Goodnight, p*ssy! I mean, Chris!
Chris: [off screen] Goodnight [Satan looks torn]
[Rome, St. Peter's Square. A phone rings somwhere and someone answers]
Voice: Hello. Your Excellency? [the scene switches to the church in South Park. The voice is Sister Anne's] This is Sister Anne, the Bleeding Eyes of Jesus, calling from the United States?
Secretary: Yes, I understand you want to speak-a wit the pope.
Sister Anne: Yes. The priest here has been telling the children some pretty radical things, and I just wanted to see what the Church thinks about Jews and the ment*lly handicapped.
Secretary: Yes, well the pope is here, but please keep it brief. He is a-very old. [the secretary hands the phone over to the pope, who is seated in a throne inside a tiny temple at one end of the cathedral]
The Pope: Heh??
Sister Anne: Hello, His Holiness. I want to ask you about people with mental disabilities.
The Pope: Heh?
Sister Anne: Do ment*lly-challenged people go to hell?
The Pope: [soft] Ehhhhh, what's that you say? [loud] Heh?!
Sister Anne: [enunciates] Handicap. Mental handicap.
The Pope: [flaps his lips around with his tongue] Fibibiibibibibiibibih.
Sister Anne: [waits, then] …The priest here said that people with mental handicaps might end up in hell. Is that true?
The Pope: [snores, then] Eh-bibibiibibibibiibibibih. [Sister Anne says nothing.]
[South Park Avenue, day. Stan, Cartman, and Kenny are at a crosswalk waiting for the light to turn green]
Stan: Come on! This stupid light won't change.
Token: [arrives, followed by Butters, Clyde, and Bebe] Come on! Hurry up! [sees the other three boys] Hey, what are you guys doin'?
Stan: We're goin' to church. We've sinned and so we have to confess again.
Butters: Uh us too. Uhwe saw a picture of a naked lady. We could see her whole beaver.
Clyde: Yeah. If we died right now, we'd have unclean souls and we'd burn in hell. [the crosswalk light turns green]
Stan: Uh, come on, let's go. [the kids begin to cross the street, Kenny first, but…]
Kenny: (Yow!) [a tour bus slams into Kenny and takes him away. The other kids freeze where they are, petrified]
Stan: [finally reacts, shrilly] …Oh my God, they've k*lled Kenny!
Butters: He had sins that he didn't confess!
Cartman: And he never took Communion!
Stan: He's doomed.
Clyde: …We've gotta get to that church before we die.
Cartman: Yeah. [the kids make their way slowly across the street]
[Hell, River Styx Condominiums, night. Satan and Chris are in bed in the dark. Chris is trying to arouse Satan, but Satan doesn't move]
Chris: [grabbing Satan's privates] Yeah. [moves up to Satan's left shoulder] That's hot. [then to the right one] You take it! [Satan turns on the lights as Chris makes his way down to his crotch] You take it now!
Satan: Chris, what are you doing?
Chris: I'm just… I'm just trying to be a little more naughty in bed. I uh… I know that's what you like about sex with Saddam. I'm just… showin' you that I can be that way, too.
Satan: Oh boy.
Chris: [resumes his naughtiness] Uh huh. Yeah. You like that, don't you, bitch? [Satan begins to grimace] I'm a bad boy. Yeah. Take that.
Satan: Chris, just… don't… don't do that.
Chris: But it turns you on.
Satan: No, it's a- When Saddam did it, yeah, but uh…
Chris: But what?
Satan: Nothing. I just- I'm just- really tired is all. Can we- just, please go to sleep? [Chris looks let down] Chris, seriously. I'm just tired, okay?
Chris: [closes his eyes] Okay. I love you, Satan.
Satan: I love you too, Saddam.
Satan, Chris: [immediately react] Wuh?!
Satan: Waw. Uhuh. I'm sorry, I mean, Chris. [grimaces]
Chris: It's okay. It's okay. I, uh, I, I understand. …I do.
Satan: I just need to go get some air. okay? I'll be back… really quick. [gets out of bed and leaves]
Chris: Yeah. Sure. Okay.
[South Park, the church, day. The kids race towards the church]
Cartman: Come on, hurry up! [Stan reaches the door]
Stan: [tries to open it] Oh no! It's locked!
Cartman: [moves in and tries to open it] What? No! It shouldn't be locked! We have to confess! We have to confess our sins before we die!
Butters: Hey, there's a window in the back that's usually open. [the kids go around to the back of the church, find the window, and climb in]
Stan: [sees something off to the side] Confession box is over there! [moves towards it]
Cartman: I'm first, I'm first! [trips Token and runs past Stan. Token quickly gets up and walks with the others. Cartman opens the penitent door and sees a woman with her exposed ass up against the partition]
Woman: Oh, huhuh.
Cartman: [closes the door] What the? [opens the priest's door. Priest Maxi, in a sexual act with the woman on the other side, looks out and grins. The kids look back in horror, and his face changes]
Priest Maxi: Whoa! [turns and faces the partition while zipping up his pants] Son of a bitch!
Woman: [flits out of the penitent side] Eh, heheheheheheh.
Priest Maxi: [exits] Uhuh. Kids, uh.
Stan: You're a sinner!
Cartman: You're doing unnatural things in the house of God!
Priest Maxi: Oh! Huh huh. Huh huh. [drops to his knees and prays] Oh, forgive me, heavenly Father! I've sinned against you!
Cartman: Oh, this guy is so gonna burn!
Priest Maxi: M-Mrs. Donovan is a temptress from hell! [begins to weep]
Stan: Dude, if this guy's goin' to hell, who's gonna save us?
Cartman: Well, it looks like we're gonna have to save Timmy, Kyle, and everyone else in this town from the angry hand of God ourselves!
[Hell. Satan walks down its streets]
Damned Soul: Oh, the pain! Oh, the pain! [Satan stops and looks at the key Saddam gave him. The handle looks like a coffin]
Satan: [lowers the key] No, I can't. [in front of him is the Bargain Hotel] What am I doing? I know this is the wrong thing to do. I could lose Chris. I can't do this. [turns around and walks away] I can't do this. [stops and turns back]
[South Park, day. A street corner. Cartman holds court on a soapbox. At least 17 other kids surround him. Some adults look at the action from across the street]
Cartman: We have-uh repeatedly broken God's commandments-uh! We have lived our lives for ourselves-uh! Totally ignoring the Lord-uh! [Chef and Mr. Garrison arrive] If thy hand offend thee, cut it off! [Stan's parents and the nun are there] It is much better for thee to enter into life maimed-
Randy: Oh, what the hell are they doing now?!
Cartman: -than having two hands to go into hell-uh,-
Sister Anne: [steps up] Oh no.
Cartman: -into the f*re that will never be quenched!
Stan: [passes out material] Pamphlet. Pamphlet. [from a child's view, the pamphlet is seen. It's called "Kids Against Hell" and has a quote from Ezekiel 5:10. It is soon lowered for a good sh*t at the growing crowd of kids at the street corner]
Cartman: There is only one answer! As kids we must abandon this town of sin and start anew!
Girl: I don't wanna to go to hell. [joins the kids, leaving her parents stunned]
Cartman: It will be a long road, but at the end of that road is Salvation! And I am going to lead you there!
[End of Do The Handicapped Go To Hell? — To Be Continued…] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x09 - Do The Handicapped Go To Hell? (1)"} | foreverdreaming |
Recap
[Priest Maxi is shown at the church podium before the congregation]
Announcer: Previously on South Park…
Priest Maxi: Today, we're going to talk about hell. [an organ swells into a dreadful chord. The boys are afraid]
[Hell, River Styx Condominiums. Saddam appears at Satan's door]
Saddam: Hello, Satan! [opens his arms wide and grins big. He has two suitcases, one on either side of him]
Satan: [stunned] Saddam…
[The Broflovski house. Sheila and Kyle are talking]
Sheila: Us Jews don't believe in hell.
Kyle: …But what if we're wrong?
[South Park Avenue, day. The kids begin crossing the street]
Stan: Let's go. [the kids begin to cross the street, Kenny first, but a tour bus slams into Kenny and takes him away. The other kids freeze where they are, petrified]
Stan: [finally reacts, shrilly] …they've k*lled Kenny!
Butters: And he had sins that he didn't confess!
[Hell, River Styx Condominiums, dinner. Saddam tries to arouse Satan under the table. Satan swats Saddam's arm away]
Satan: No, Saddam. I'm with Chris now.
[The church rectory. Preist Maxi is talking to the boys]
Priest Maxi: Boys, it is your Christian duty to save the souls of your friends!
[Hell, River Styx Condominiums, bedtime. Satan and Chris are in bed]
Chris: [closes his eyes] I love you, Satan.
Satan: I love you too, Saddam.
Satan, Chris: [immediately react] Wuh?!
[The Pacific Ocean. A man drives a speedboat. Richie Cunningham, Ralph Malph, and Potsy Weber go along for the ride, and Arthur Fonzarelli stands behind the boat on water skis. Wait…]
Richie: Fonz, there's no way you can jump that shark with your water skis. [A bouy ring contains a shark, and a larger red bouy warns "DANGER" in white letters]
Fonzie: Aaaay! I've gotta try, Richie.
[The church confessional, day. Cartman opens the penitent door and sees a woman with her exposed ass up against the partition]
Woman: Oh, huhuh. [Cartman opens the priest's door. Priest Maxi, in a sexual act with the woman on the other side, looks out and grins.]
Stan: Dude, if this guy's goin' to hell, who's gonna save us?
Cartman: Well, it looks like we're gonna have to save everyone in this town ourselves!
[The beach. Richie, Potsy, Ralph, and Joanie are on the shore watching the boat driver take Fonzie on his stunt. On shore is a sign posted on a pair of surfboards that reads "GO FONZ!!!"]
Joanie: Go Fonz!!!
Fonzie: Aaaaaa-! [the image freezes in place, so that Fonzie is suspended in mid-air]
Announcer: And now the exciting comclusion of… South Park.
Fonzie: [action resumes] -aaaaaayy-err. [lands inside the bouy ring; the shark catches and eats him live. The shark rises out of the water with Fonzie still in its mouth] No! [the shark drops and rises again] No! […and again…] No! [a pool of blood develops inside the bouy ring] No!
Richie: I told him he couldn't do it. [the other three on shore look on stunned]
[South Park Elementary, playground. Cartman stands on a platform and is preaching to the kids]
Cartman: I am saying this because we must be saved-uh. The LORD is powerful and he will smote the sinners and send them to everlasting hell-uh. If you do not live your life for Him-uh, then to the lake of f*re you shall go-uh! [a group of adults gathers just outside the rear school doors. Kyle joins Cartman on the platform…]
Principal Victoria: ["'Well, God is gonna heal those eyes, and save you from the devil begone! Oh, praise His name!"] You see that, parents. Your children have refused to come into class since this morning. I'm afraid your son is the leader, Ms. Cartman. ["Do you believe in the power of God?"] Apparently he's read the entire Bible, and now he's scaring the hell out of everyone.
Liane: [gently calls out] Boopie-kins. ["Do you believe he is gonna cure your face of the uglies?"] It's time to stop preaching damnation to everyone, sweetie. [Cartman stops]
Stan: [joins Cartman on the platform] Don't you guys, um, persecrute our religous beliefs.
Kids: Yeah!
Sharon: We are not trying to persecute you kids, but you're supposed to be in school.
Stan: What purpose does school have? The Bible says the only goal in this life is to praise God and get into heaven.
Kyle: Yeah, and this life is short. The afterlife is forever.
Principal Victoria: Don't listen to them, kids. You have to go to school.
Cartman: Many of you knew Kenny McCormick. He was a playful school-going eight-year-old. And then yesterday, he was [throws himself down face-first] smacked down by the Lord-uh! [rises] God bitch-slapped him right to the fiery depths of hell. So when will you go?! Tomorrow?! Ten years?! Does it mattah?! No! Because unless you give this life to the Lord, that life belongs to Satan-uh! [kids gasp, adults go glum] But we cannot worship God in that church where that priest of sin resides, [Kyle has left and now returns with an easel with a picture of a church on it] so we will build a new church-uh. With crystal walls, a ceiling 80 feet high, and a slide that connects this part hmya [near the top of the left-side wall] to this part hmya [the grass down below]. Who will help us?
Kids: [in unison] I will.
Cartman: Praise God-uh!
[Hell, River Styx Condominiums. Satan is seen looking at the Bargain Hotel Saddam is in]
Satan: If I go spend the night with Saddam, then it's over between me and Chris. [looks at Saddam's room key] Chris has been so nice to me and I know Saddam will just hurt me again. [looks at it again.] M-maybe I'll just go talk to Saddam. I need closure, yeah. That's it, I need closure. [advances to the hotel, to room 16, then turns around with second thoughts] What am I doing?? [takes a step when the room door opens]
Saddam: [in evening suit] What took yo so long, baby??
Satan: [turns around] Saddam, I'm just here to talk.
Saddam: Great! Let's talk! [Saddam enters. Saddam rushes to the bed and sits on it, stroking the covers] Hm, this bed is comfy-bumpy.
Satan: Saddam, I only came here because I need closure.
Saddam: Sounds fun. You know me—I'll try anything.
Satan: No! Saddam, listen to me.
Saddam: Would you like a drink?
Satan: Um maybe just- a little one. [Saddam serves him a drink] I have to go back soon. I need you to understand that we can't be together anymore. [Satan turns on the TV and a video of a group of men is shown. A sheriff lowers his pants before a kneeling skinhead. Other men are singing, chanting, moaning] I need you to not come by the condo and not try to see me. Chris thinks we can all be friends, but I don't. And I have to focus on Chris now. [just now notices the video] What is this?
Saddam: These hotels have all kinds of crazy channels.
Satan: Saddam, will you listen to me?! Chris is a great person. He's the one I wanna be with now.
Saddam: [knowingly] Really? So then… What are you doing here? [Satan has no answer. He just looks down and away] Well I don't know about you, but this video is gettin' me pretty hot!
Satan: [hurt] Saddam…
Saddam: Here, have another drink. [Satan takes it and swallows it down, then groans]
[Hell, Bargain Hotel, Saddam's room. Satan is sleeping away peacefully]
Satan: [wakes up] Ooh, whoa. God, my head. Drank too much. [looks to his left] Chris! [the camera zooms out to show Saddam, dressed in leather straps, looking at him lovingly. Five different kinds of dildos and a whip are seen. Satan quickly sits up] Oh no!! [scans the room and sees more sex toys, including an auto club, an Antonio Banderas blow-up doll, a penis pump, and a goat tied to a lamp]
Saddam: [snuggling up] Man, look at that! We went through 14 bottles of vegetable oil! [tosses the last one off the bed.] Ewuh, I'm all greasy.
Satan: [leaves the bed] Oh God, what time is it?!
Saddam: Last night was awesome! Are we together again now?
Satan: I don't know. I, I guess so, but now I have to go home and tell Chris.
Saddam: Screw him!!
Satan: No, Saddam! I at least owe him an explanation! [walks towards the door] I jusst don't know what I'm gonna say. [the door opens and closes. Satan is gone]
Saddam: I know how to solve this little problem.
[The Baja California coast, Mexico, day. The camera pans slowly to the right.]
Driver: [off screen] We are now entering Ensenada, the second largest city on the Mexican Baja Peninsula. [the tour bus is seen making its way through Ensenada] We have now traveled over 2000 miles since leaving New York City. We'll just be stopping here for a few moments for gas, and then our tour will continue on to its final destination. [two gas station attendants approach the bus. One of them notices something]
Attendant: Oiga. Hay algo pegado bajo el autobus. ["Listen. There's something stuck under the bus."]
Driver: Quey? What's stuck to the bottom of the bus? [the attendant takes his mop and jabs at the bottom of the bus, and Kenny finally drops down]
Kenny: (Ahow!)
Driver: Oh, goodness! We must have run over a little Mexican further up north. Is it okay? [Kenny sits up and shakes his dizziness off]
Attendant: Pienso que sí. ["I think so." Kenny stands up]
Driver: Well, here's fifty for the gas. [starts the bus and drives off] Adios.
Kenny: (Where am I?)
Attendant: ¿Qué?
Kenny: (WHERE AM I?)
Attendant: ¿Qué?
[South Park, day. Cartman's blueprint for his church is shown, then the camera pans right to show the actual construction. A bunch of kids work on the structure, using all sorts of things, including mirrors for wall panels.]
Cartman: This is bea-utiful. Thine church is almost completed.
Stan: There's no way God will want to send us to hell now.
Kyle: Yeah, this church kicks a- eh- it kicks!
Gerald: [shows up with Sheila, behind the boys] Hello, boys. [they turn around]
Kyle: Don't try to take me away again, Mom and Dad! I told you! I renounced the Jewish faith!
Sheila: It's not that, Kyle. It's just that Eric's mother needs to see you all right away! Just really quick—she says it's very important.
Cartman: Very well. Yea. Guys, let us walk to mine home and see what mine mom wants. [the boys turn left and walk towards Cartman's house]
Sheila: I sure hope this woiks.
[Cartman's house, later. Cartman, Stan, and Kyle enter. Dialog from "Not Without My Anus," set to an organ and canned laughter, is heard as the boys make their way across a living room littered with toys of all sorts. The room is decorated so that the boys would forget their "mission" and just play for one afternoon. Liane shows up with a Cartman favorite.]
Liane: Hello, kiddies. I made you all powdered dougnut pancake surprise.
Stan: Wow, cool.
Cartman: No! This is a trick! Do not vex me, oh temptress!
Liane: What?
Cartman: This is a distraction from our work on the church! [grabs a doughnut] Do not think that you can tempt us with toys [takes a bite out of his doughnut] and new games [munches away] and tidings of powdered dougnut pancake surprise! For it is the AFTERLIFE we have concerned ourselves with! [finishes the doughnut off] Not the pleasures of this earth, but salvarion in the world aftah!!
Stan: Yeah!
Liane: Oh. Well, [sets the dish on the sofa and walks away] alrighty then.
[The Cartman kitchen, moments later. Liane enters. Sister Anne waits with Stan's and Kyle's parents]
Liane: I… don't think it worked.
All: Aw .
[The Cartman living room, moments later.]
Cartman: Let us get back to our work at the church [the phone rings.] Yea. I shall answer the phone, hyah. [answers it] Hello?
Kenny: [from a pay phone next to Papas & Beer in Ensenada] (Cartman?! Cartman, you've gotta help me, and I'm not foolin' around!)
Cartman: [grins mischievously, then] Oh my God!!
Stan: What?
Cartman: It's Kenny. He's calling from beyond the grave!
Stan: Kenny?! What's he say?!
Kyle: [moves next to Stan] Ask him what hell is like.
Cartman: Kenny! You have to tell us about hell! Give us every last horrible detail!
Kenny: (Um…) [mariachi music is heard, and the street is lively enough]
[Hell, River Styx Condos. Satan has returned, and is outside the door to his condo]
Satan: Oh, God, Chris is gonna be so mad at me. Well, here it goes. [opens the door and enters. Chris is sitting alone on the sofa reading a book]
Chris: Hey you.
Satan: Hi, Chris. [closes the door]
Chris: You… were out all night.
Satan: Yeah, I just… spent the night walking around the marina.
Chris: Satan. You know you're not a very good liar. You went and saw Saddam, didn't you?
Satan: [low voice] Yes. [covers his face in shame]
Chris: [approaches] Satan, I understand.
Satan: [drops his left arm and looks surprised] What?
Chris: I still feel secure and safe with you.
Satan: [walks away exasperated] Oh, n-NO!
Chris: [puzzled] What? What's wrong? I said it's okay.
Satan: I know.
Chris: Well, what more do you want from me?
Satan: [turns around] Well-, could you not be such a p*ssy about it? I mean, can't you just say "If you ever see Saddam again, I'll break your legs!" or, or "I'm gonna go kick Saddam's ass!" or something?
Chris: Satan, I'm a Nineties man. I cry when I need to. I share my feelings and I keep my mind open about everything.
Satan: Just… give me some boundaries, be jealous, go throw a football around, for Christ's sake.
Chris: [sits down on the sofa] Now you're starting to hurt my feelings.
Satan: [turns away] Ah-, I'm sorry, Chris, it's… it's not you, really, it's, it's me. [Saddam pops up outside the window and checks out the situation, then drops down] You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and for some reason, I just can't accept that. [Saddam slides the window open and drops in behind the sofa, making his way to Chris]
Saddam: [pops up behind Chris with a dagger] Die, p*ssy! [rams it into Chris's forehead]
Chris: Aaaah!
Satan: [turns around] Chris! [advances] Saddam, what the hell are you doing?!
Saddam: [a d*ad Chris lies slumped against the sofa's arm] There. I got rid of the problem for you. Now there's no conflict.
Satan: [distraught, buries his face in his hands] No! Not like this!
[South Park, day. Cartman's church is finished. Red carpet, purple doors… His new followers are gathered inside]
Cartman: [on stage wielding a Bible] Friends, I have to tell you that last night I received a phone call from beyond the grave-eh. [the kids gasp] It was our departed friend, Kennih! Calling from the depths of hell! And he described what hell is like in horrid detail-uh. [the kids are frightened] He said that in hell, the smell is awful. He said that in hell, everyone speaks Spanish.
Kids: Waah!
Cartman: He said there is water in hell, but if you drink it you pee blood out your ass for seven hours-uh!
Kids: Whoa!
Cartman: And perhaps worst of all, in hell, there are dozens and dozens of little trinket stores! But they all have the same little trinkets in them-eh!
Kids: Waah! [a couple enters the church]
Father: Where is our daughter.
Daughter: [steps into the aisle] Dad?
Father: Marcy! You're coming home this instant!
Cartman: [quite animated, hops twice] We are saving your daughter from the clutches of hell, suh! [points]
Father: You're not gonna make my daughter part of your cult!
Cartman: Your daughter could die tomorrow, and then what?!
Father: [a piece of wood falls from the roof] You're just a stupid little fat kid who thinks that- [jab] Aaaah! [the piece of wood falls off the man's head and rests behind him]
Mother: Stephen? [the kids are shocked; she genuflects next to him] Steven, no!
Cartman: The Lord has spoken again-uh! O, forgive us, Lord, for our sins!
Kids: Forgive us, Lord.
Cartman: Let us pray. [an organ is played] Heavenly Father, do not send us to hell. We're sorry, Whatever we did, we're sorry.
Mother: [in a panic] Stephen? Stephen??
[Hell, waiting area. Many souls are there, wondering where they are, and why.]
Stephen: Where, where am I?
Man: Where are we?
Man 2: No doubt about it…
Woman: What's happening??
Man 3: Oooooooooh!
Speaker: Hello, newcomers, and welcome. Can everybody hear me? [taps the mic a few times] Hello? Can everybuh-? Okay. [the crowd quiets down] Uh, I'm the hell director. Uh, it looks like we have about 8,615 of you newbies today, and for those of you who are a little confused, uh, you are d*ad, and this is hell, so, abandon all hope and uh yada yada yada. Uh, we are now going to start the orientation process, which will last about-
Man 4: Hey, wait a minute, I shouldn't be here. I wa a totally strict and devout Protestant! I thought we went to heaven!
Hell Director: Yes, well I'm afraid you were wrong.
Soldier: I was a practicing Jehovah's Witness. Uh, you picked the wrong religion as well.
Man 5: Well, who was right? Who gets into heaven?
Hell Director: I'm afraid it was the Mormons. Yes, the Mormons were the correct answer.
Crowd: [disappointed] Awww.
Hell Director: So now I'd like to quickly introduce your new ruler and master for eternity, Satan!
Satan: [appears in a burst of flame] Oooyeah!
Crowd: Aaaaahh!
Satan: Now you are all part of my domain! Everyday in hell grows larger as my minions… my m-minions uh… [relents] muh, I'm sorry. I just can't do this today. I'm just… I'm sorry. [walks away. The crowd's eyes follow him. A woman throws her hands up]
Hell Director: Uh, okay. Thank you Satan. Now, uh, let's begin with the Muslims…
Chris: [in the crowd] Satan! [Satan turns and sees him, then smiles. Chris makes his way through the crowd] 'Scuse me. Excuse me.
Satan: Chris! [he and Chris now stand before each other] But I thought you were d*ad!
Chris: Yeah, well, where was I gonna go? Detroit?
Satan: Chris, I didn't mean for Saddam to s*ab you in-
Chris: Hey, it's alright. All that matters is that I'm back, and we're together forever. Right?
Satan: Uh, …yeah. Gr-great.
Crowd: Awww.
[Cartman's house, night. Cartman is working at a coffee table in the living room with Clyde Frog and a Bible]
Cartman: Let's see. Matthew 15:11. "Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which comes OUT of the mouth defileth a man." That's a good one, Clyde Frog. Interesting. [Sister Anne approachs]
Liane: [enters] Eric, Sister Anne has come to visit you.
Cartman: Yea. It is nice to see you, Sister, but I must prepare for my next sermon. [Liane leaves]
Sister Anne: [sits] Eric, you need to stop what you're doing. You need to tell all the kids to go back to school, and back to their normal lives.
Cartman: Sister, have you read this book.
Sister Anne: Yes, Eric. A lot more than you have.
Cartman: Then you know what it says happens to those who don't follow the Lord-uh.
Sister Anne: Eric, the Lord just doesn't send everybody to hell. That wouldn't make sense. He wants people to live their llives.
Cartman: Are you saying that what the Bible says isn't true?
Sister Anne: No.
Cartman: We've got Jews and perverts and bullies and all kinds of sinners in this town, Sister Anne-uh! And without the priest we've decided to save ourselves. The only ones that kids can trust now are me and Jesus! [resumes his work]
Sister Anne: [Exasperated, drops her head in her hands] Uugh. [lifts her head] Wait a minute. That's it. [rises and walks away]
Televangelist: [suddenly on TV] …And I'm gonna save all of you right now. [raps a woman on the head. She goes unconscious] I'm gonna heal your sins-eh.
Cartman: Whoa.
[Hell, Bargain Hotel. Chris approaches and goes to Room 16, and knocks on the door]
Saddam: Hello Satan-ooh, crap! It's you!
Chris: Yeah. It's me.
Saddam: I thought I k*lled you!
Chris: Yeah,
Saddam, Chris: Well, where was I gonna go? Detroit?
Saddam: Right, right.
Chris: Do you have a couple of minutes to go for a walk?
Saddam: A walk?
Chris: Yeah. Just real quick. Around the park or somethin'.
Saddam: [considers it] Is this some kind of trick?
Chris: No, I just want you to go for a quick walk with me. Please?
Saddam: Well, alright. Just let me grab somethin' real quick. [goes inside humming and reaches his dresser. He sees the dagger and takes it with him behind his back, then rejoins Chris] Okay, let's walk. [Chris walks while Saddam closes the door.]
[Hell, the park. Saddam and Chris walk side by side]
Chris: Saddam, I get the feeling that you don't like me very much.
Saddam: Gee, whatever gave you that idea? When I s*ab you in the head?!
Chris: Look, Satan is a very important person to me. And I know he's an important person to you, too. So don't you think it's best for us to just- try and get along? I realize that some things about me bother you. So I'd like to hear what those things are so that I can work on them.
Saddam: You know what I don't like you, Chris? Because you're the kind of guy who, if someone didn't like him, would take him for a walk in the park and ask him why. You're a p*ssy! [takes his dagger out and slices into Chris's right shoulder]
Chris: Aaaah! [Saddam goes into a grave, takes out a shovel, and slices off Chris's lower right leg. Chris falls down] Oh God!
Saddam: Ah hahaha!
Chris: Nooo! Agh! [reaches into his right shoulder, takes the dagger, and thrusts it into Saddam's left eye]
Saddam: Aaaaaah! [swings the shovel at Chris and strikes him down with it]
Chris: Ow! [Saddam jumps on him and pulls his heart out of his body] Goo-aagh! [Saddam holds the heart high in the air, then collapses on top of Chris's body. The camera zooms out]
[Cartman's church, next day. The child congregation is gathered again at the church. Organ music plays]
Cartman: Today this Jewish boy and all sinners are going to be saved-uh! Kyle, do you believe in God-uh?!
Kyle: Yes!
Cartman: Do you want to be saved from hell-uh?!
Kyle: Yes!
Cartman: That's good, because right now, all the Jewness is comin' out of your body, bein' replaced by the Spirit of God-uh! [smacks him on the face] Theah!
Kyle: [angrily] Ow! [rubs his right temple and cheek while Cartman talks]
Cartman: Praise God! How do you feel now? Do you feel the light of God inside o'ya?
Kyle: [softens] Uh, I think so.
Cartman: Praise the Lord-uh!
Crowd: [ad lib all at once] Praise the Lord. Halleluyah! Praise God! [two robed assistants help a happy Kyle off the stage]
Cartman: For he is Lord, he is Lord… Bring up the next person! [Timmy rolls up in his wheelchair] This boy has been crippled with sin-uh. But I hear God saying that this boy will walk!
Butters: Huh-ah Halleluyah!
Timmy: Timmiiiy!
Cartman: We are gonna save you and you are gonna walk with the Lord-uh!
Timmy: Timmiiiy!
Cartman: Devil be [smacks him on the face] GOAN-uh!
Timmy: Haaaaah.
Cartman: Now WALK, Timmih! [turns away dramatically, with eyes closed]
Timmy: Haaaaah.
Cartman: [turns away, then back] Come on, Timmy, get out of that chair-uh!
Timmy: Haah.
Cartman: The Lord wants you to walk,Timmih! Oo-WALK, Timmih! [turns away dramatically, with eyes closed]
Timmy: Timmilih? [drops to the floor on his feet and stands unsteadily. Cartman smiles openly]
Cartman: He walks-uh!
Kids: Whoa!
Timmy: Oh-aah. [falls forward and crashes through the floor head first. A beaming Cartman mistakes this for something good]
Cartman: Yes! Praise the Lord!
Kids: Praise the Lord!
[Hell, River Styx Condos. Satan is talking to somebody outside]
Satan: And now it's like there's one guy who's horrible to me but I'm totally sexually attracted to, and then one guy who's really nice to me but I'm not sexually attracted to at all.
Blonde Girl: Wow, that really sucks.
Satan: I've asked everybody for advice, but nobody seems to know the answer.
Blonde Girl: Well, there is one person who I always used to ask when I needed advice.
Satan: Who?
Blonde Girl: God.
Satan: [stunned] God?? I can't do that. I haven't spoken to God in like, 5000 years.
Blonde Girl: Well then, maybe it's time.
[Cartman's church, day. The child congregation is singing and clapping outside and inside. Timmy is back, with a bandaged head]
[ad][/ad]
Kids: Do dodo dum do dodo. Do dodo dum do dodo.
Cartman: For he is Lord, Lord Lord Lord. Where are you from, little boy? [this boy wears glasses]
Boy: Denver.
Cartman: And God is telling me that you have… bad eyesight. Is that it?
Boy: Yeah, that's right.
Kids: Wooooo!
Cartman: Well, God is gonna heal those eyes, and save you from the devil begone! [smacks the boy in the face and knocks him out]
Boy: Aaah. [two robed assistants carry him off]
Kids: Hooray!
Cartman: For he is Lord, Lord Lord Lord. Right here we have a little girl who is very, very ugly! Do you believe he is gonna cure your face of the uglies?!
Ugly Girl: Yes!!
Cartman: He is gonna take that ugly face and make you reasonable to look at! [smacks her on the face] Bah!
Ugly Girl: Waah.
Cartman: [moonwalks] Bwolololololololololololo! Oh, good Lord, somebody say "Amen!"
Kids: Amen! [the pianist is shown, with a girl singing next to him]
All: Lord Lord Lord.
[A flash of white, and the light dims enough to show clouds roiling in the sky. Satan comes up quickly, and then stops. This is heaven. A group of Mormon souls gather around him]
Mormon 1: Hi hi, welcome to heaven, brother. You've followed the Mormon faith, and so you've been let in!
Satan: Uh, actually, I'm just stopping by.
Mormon 2: Well, you've picked a great time! We've got cookies and punch and we're just about to start playing charades.
Mormons: [ad lib all at once] Alright. Yeah.
Mormon 1: And then, brother Stephen's brought his guitar so we can sing songs about how much it hurts to lie.
Mormons: Ooooo!
Mormon 3: Yeahahah!
Satan: Ah, look, I just need to talk with God. Is he around?
Mormon 2: Sure. All you have to do is say his name and he's there.
Mormon 1: I'm so grateful for that.
Mormons: [in assent] Me, too. Uh huh.
Satan: Great. Thanks. [walks off]
[Heaven, a separate area. Satan walks into it and turns to the camera]
Satan: [clears his throat] Ah. Hello? g-God? It's uh… Satan. [quickly shields his eyes as a sphere of light descends towards him]
God: [in silhouette] Yea. Look upon me, and know me.
Satan: Hi, God.
God: Hello, Satan. [has a body made from bits of some of the creatures he created] It's- been a long time.
Satan: Yeah.
God: What brings you here? Do you wish to mount your unholy w*r against heaven?
Satan: No, I hae a problem, and I- need your advice.
God: You want to rule more than hell? You want to destroy the earth?
Satan: No, it's kind of a long story but, well, it all started when this Iraqi dictator, Saddam Hussein [God scratches behind his left ear], was k*lled by a pack of wild boars. I remember when I first met him in hell. It was a lovely morning in April…
[Cartman's church, day. Cartman leads the kids in singing and rolls on his back a few times.]
Cartman: Halleluyah! Praise the Lord! And now, I'm receiving a message directly from God-uh! God is telling me that… each and every one of you is to walk up to the stage, and give me one dollar! [The clapping stops as confused faces appear in the congregation, and the music quiets a bit. Stan and Kyle look at each other as Cartman goes for the collection box] So I want everyone to feel the love of God by coming up heah [sets the box at center stage], and putting a dollar in the box-ah! [kids begin to approach the stage] Come on, don't be shy! Come on now! [rolls on his back as the donations come in]
Stan: Dude, that seems- kind of- weird.
Kyle: Yeah. I don't remember him saying anything about this.
[Heaven, a separate area. Satan finishes his story]
Satan: Heh-and now Chris and Saddam just keep k*lling each other over and over and… I don't know which one to pick.
God: [considers the story, then] Jesus, what the hell happened to you?
Satan: Huh?
God: You got kicked out of here for being a headstrong rebel. And now you're a whiny little bitch.
Satan: Well, I just don't know which one to pick.
God: No, you've become dependent on relationships. So you haven't even considered the option of not being with either of them. [Satan listens] And if you're not sexually attracted to someone, you're not ever going to be. But Saddam isn't right either. He's the other extreme. You need to spend time alone so that you can find the balance, the middle ground. That's what I always do, because I'm a Buddhist.
Satan: God, you're right. You know, I've had steady relationships for the last… thousand years, and when one ends I just start another one, but… I haven't taken the time to be secure with myself.
God: Bingo. [a fly gets near him and he snaps his tongue out to catch it and eat it.]
Satan: Hey- Thanks, God. I forgot how clear you make things sometimes.
God: It was nice to see you again, Satan.
Satan: You too.
God: Good-bye. [turns into the sphere of light and flies up and away. Satan turns and walks off, but encounters the Mormons]
Mormon 2: Would you like to stay for some cookies and punch?
Mormon 1: Yes, would you?
Satan: Uh, no, I need to be getting back.
Mormon 2: Oh, alright then, but you're gonna miss our big play.
Mormon 4: Yes. We're going to do a play about how alcohol can ruin family life.
Satan: Wow. That sounds great, but uh, I really- gotta go. [disappears in a burst of flames]
Mormon 1: Wehull, he seemed like a nice fellow.
Mormon 4: Yes. [a few seconds of silence follow]
Mormon 2: Let's go make things out of egg cartons.
Mormons: [ad lib] Oooo, yeah. I'll do that.
[Cartman's church, day. The singing and clapping have resumed. Stan and Kyle go through some curtains to the back of the church.]
Cartman: [off screen] Yeess. [the camera looks at him, now rolling around shirtless in $1 bills, now grabbing a bunch and bathing in them] Yeess. [sees Stan and Kyle] It worked, you guys, it actually worked!
Stan: What worked?
Cartman: Eheverybody bought the whole act! They keep giving and giving until we have it all!
Stan, Kyle: What??
Kyle: You're keeping that money yourself?
Cartman: Of course, you guys! And then we can make… ten million dollars! [grins big] Look, the tooth fairy thing didn't work, the boy band thing didn't last, so I tried this route.
Stan: Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. You mean that this whole thing has just been a way for you to make ten million dollars?
Cartman: It all came to me days ago, when we were first in Sunday school.
Stan: [he and Kyle are now angry] Well, what about going to hell and all that?!
Cartman: Dude, if God is all-understanding, he wouldn't send us to hell. Even Sister Anne told me that.
Kyle: [points] Then why didn't you tell us?!
Cartman: My brain is of a much larger size than you guys's. I couldn't expect you to understand, not until you actually saw the cash flow!
Kyle: The only thing of yours that's larger in size is your big fat ass!
Cartman: [rolls around in the money] Suck my balls!
Stan: Dude, I an so disillusioned right now.
[Somewhere in hell. Chris and Saddam are fighting once again. Saddam charges at him with a gray brick]
Saddam: Die, p*ssy! [smashes the brick on Chriss's head, and they both fall]
Chris: Ow! [gets up, grabs one of Saddam's legs, and pulls it off]
Saddam: Aaaah! [gets up, grabs his leg back and beats Chris over the back with it. Chris falls on his face]
Chris: Aaaah! [grabs one end of the leg, and now it's a tug of w*r. Satan arrives and sees the battle]
Satan: Guys, guys, guys! [the two rivals stop and face him] Look, you both can stop fighting now! I've made a decision.
Chris: You have?
Satan: Yes. I… don't want to be with either one of you.
Chris, Saddam: What?!
Satan: Saddam, you're an assh*le. And you'll never be the friend that I want. And Chris, well, you're a p*ssy. And you'll never be the lover I want. [Chris looks dejected] So I'm just gonna be alone for a while and learn to like myself. [Saddam sighs]
Chris: Satan. Can we go for a walk in the park?
Satan: No, I'm not going on a walk! You're a p*ssy, Chris, and you drive me crazy; go away!
Chris: Fine. [walks away]
Saddam: Hell, you can't leave me, Satan! I won't let you! [Satan is shocked]
[Cartman's church, next day. Cartman holds forth. Stan and Kyle stand behind the collection box as kids stop by and put in their $1 donations]
Cartman: Today is another day! And that's another dollar the Lord needs from you-uh! So come on up and give to the Lord-uh! [Sister Anne enters the church]
Sister Anne: [walking down center aisle] Alright kids, it's time to go! It's time for this to stop!
Cartman: Sister Anne is a blasphemer!
Sister Anne: I know you won't listen to me. That's why I brought somebody else. [steps aside. The curtains part. Jesus enters and walks down the aisle]
Kids: [in obvious awe] Wow!
Butters: Jesus!
Cartman: [worried] Uh oh.
Jesus: Kids, you need to all stop spending all your time here and go back to school.
Cartman: [tugs on Jesus' robs, then softly] Jesus, ixnay on the oolschay.
Jesus: God doesn't want you to spend all your time being afraid of hell, or praising His name. God wants you to spend your time helping others, and living a good, happy life. That's how you live for Him.
Cartman: [goes for the collection box again] Ee-yes, by doing that, [brings it out] and, putting a dollar in the box-uh!
Bebe: Let's go ice-skating.
Other kids: Yea. [leave their seats]
Butters: Uhwe can help Timmy learn how to ice-skate, too.
Boy: Yeah. [others leave their seats and vacate the church]
Cartman: [on his knees] No, come back! You face everlasting damnation! [the last congregant leaves the church] Wait! No! No! [pounds the floor with his fists a few times] I can't be cheated out of my ten million dollars again! God damnit!
Kyle: Serves you right, Cartman!
Stan: Yeah!
Jesus: But Eric, I think this time I have to teach you a lesson! I'm sending you somewhere to think about your sins!
Cartman: You're gonna send me to hell?
Jesus: No. Worse!
[Ensenada, Mexico, day. Mariachi music plays in the baackground. A tour bus stops in front of Papas and Beer and drops Cartman off, then pulls away.]
Kenny: [rushes up to him] (Eric! Eric!)
Cartman: [sees Kenny] Aw, crap!
[Hell, the park. Satan is strolling through the park in a happy mood]
Satan: [encounters two men] Hi, Bob. Hi, Rick.
Rick: Hi, Satan.
Saddam: [waiting in the road] There you are!
Satan: [rolls his eyes] Awgh. Not again.
Saddam: You know you can't live without me. Now GET THAT ASS BACK TO BED!
Satan: Saddam, I told you: I don't need you anymore!
Saddam: You can't leave me, Satan. Nobody leaves me.
Satan: Yes I can! Raaarrr [blasts a hole through Saddam with lightning from his index finger. Saddam falls]
Saddam: Aw, you little -prick!
Satan: Good-bye forever, Saddam!
Saddam: [coughs] What are you talking about?! You can k*ll me, but I'll be back tomorrow.
Satan: Not this time! I asked a favor of an old friend of mine to let you in!
Saddam: Let me in where? [flames appear and make him disappear]
[Heaven, Saddam is whisked into it, as Satan was]
Saddam: What the? Hey, what the hell is this place?!
Mormon 5: Hello, and welcome.
Mormon 1: We're glad you made it, brother.
Saddam: Ey, who the hell are you?
Mormon 6: We're just about to do a play, about how much stealing hurts you deep inside. Come join us. [he and others crowd in on Saddam]
Mormons: [ad lib] Yes. Come on. Let's go.
Mormon 6: You're here forever. [the Mormons lift him up and carry him away over their heads]
Saddam: Nooo! Nu- nooooooooooo!
[End of Probably] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x10 - Probably (2)"} | foreverdreaming |
[South Park Elementary, morning. The school bell rings. A "WELCOME BACK!" sign hangs over a row of student lockers as kids mill around in the hall. The camera pans to the right to show the four boys standing before their new classroom: FOURTH GRADE.]
Stan: Well, here we are, dude, the first day of fourth grade.
Kyle: Yeah. No more getting pushed around by fourth graders! [two older boys come up behind Stan and Kyle and punch them to the floor. A third 5th-grader arrives. Stan and Kyle look up.]
5th-Grader in middle: Get out of my way, you little dorks! [Stan and Kyle struggle a bit, then get up]
Kyle: Hey! We're fourth-graders now, too!
5th-Grader in middle: Yeah, but now, we're fifth-graders, you stupid fourth-graders, so move it! [he and the boy to his left punch Stan and Kyle down again.]
Kyle: [rises with Stan] Ungh, gay, dude.
Stan: Dude, we gotta find some third-graders to b*at up. [looks left and sees someone] Hey, come here [signals a boy over.]
Younger Boy: What?
Stan: What grade are you going into?
Younger Boy: Thi-ird
Stan: Stupid third grader!
Cartman: Yeah, [punches the boy down] get out of here! [withdraws]
Younger Boy: Uhuhuhow.
Cartman: There, that's better.
Kyle: You know, I heard our fourth-grade teacher is some new lady from Denver.
Stan: Denver? [Butters and Clyde arrive]
Cartman: U-hoh, dude, we could walk all over her. [Kevin arrives]
Kyle: He's right. We have to take a hard stance right now and establish that we're the dominant ones in this relationship! [Pip arrives, then Craig, then Wendy and Bebe]
Stan: Alright. [turns to face the gathering group] Hey, listen up everybody! [Tweek and four others arrive, then Timmy…] We need to stand up to this new teacher and insert ourselves! Let's all do something radical! [the other kids smile]
Clyde: Like what?
Stan: [with a look of determination] Like… ah, how about right at 8:35 we all jump up on our desks and pull down our pants and shout, "KISS MY ASS!!!" all together!
The Kids: YEAH!!!
Cartman: [softly] Why, that's PERfect!
Butters: Well, buh wuh when we pull our pants down, [turns to his left to demonstrate] should we stand frontways or back? I mean, do we show 'er our… behinds, or-ar our w-wieners?
Stan: …I think showing her our asses should be quite sufficient, Butters.
Butters: Uh-uh, maybe we could stand like this [shows his back to Stan and moves his right hand around], with our wieners pokin' through the back of our legs, you know, and give 'er a nice fruit bowl.
Kyle: …Yeah. Or we could just show our asses.
Stan: Okay, so it's decided. When the clock hits 8:35 we all stand up on our desks, pull down our pants and yell, "KISS MY ASS!!!"
Kyle: Together we are strong! [raises fists]
The Kids: YEAH!!!
Clyde: [points to Timmy] Hey, Timmy might need some help pulling his pants down.
Stan: We got you covered, Timmy.
Timmy: Timmay!
[The bell rings again, and the kids enter their new classroom a bit awed at the surroundings. Lab sinks and equipment line the walls. New, modern desks greet them. An aquarium and some modern art are also present.]
Kyle: Whoa, dude, this is our new classroom?
Butters: Huhuh, look at all this stuff.
Cartman: [takes a seat] Hey, what the hell is with these little half-desks?
Stan: Dude, look at the walls. [A new alphabet strip in Vivaldi font hangs over the chalkboard] Everythng is written in some strange, foreign language.
New Teacher: [enters, faces the students, and talks with a bit of an accent] Alright, children, quiet down. Welcome to the fourth grade. [the kids stare at her with mouths open. Her breasts hang down to her knees]
Kyle: Holy God, dude!
Kenny: (Those tittes are f*ck' huge!) [the teacher turns and write on the board…]
New Teacher: My name is Ms. Choksondik.
Stan: [softly, to Kyle] …More like, Ms. Makesmesick. [starts chuckling]
Kyle: Yeah! [starts chuckling]
Ms. Choksondik: [now with book in hand] Play time is over, children! Do you understand me?! [a stunned silence fills the room] I don't know how your last teacher behaved, but this is the fourth grade! [Cartman grabs on tight to his chair as he looks at the wall clock, which now reads 8:35] And it is time to go to work!
Cartman: [chuckles, leaps up on his desk, and moons Ms. Choksondik] KISS MY ASS!!! [no one else moves a muscle, as they are still awed by the teacher's appearance. Cartman looks left, then right…] Oh, weak, you guys. Seriously weak.
Ms. Choksondik: [arms akimbo] Well, young man, I hope you have a good explanation for this.
Cartman: [with his back still to Ms. Choksondik] Oh, I'm sure I do.
Ms. Choksondik: This is the fourth grade! You need to grow up! [wags a finger at him]
Cartman: I'm trying.
Ms. Choksondik: Now, get back to your desk and write a thousand-word essay on why you feel you need to disrupt my class.
Cartman: [pulls his pants up and sits down again] Fantastic, then.
Ms. Choksondik: [turns to the board and begins writng] Now, let us begin our first-day exam. [the class sighs audibly] SILENCE!
[South Park Elementary, outside. The bell rings, and the students head out onto the playground.]
Stan: What a bitch!
Kyle: And did you see her lazy eye? You can't even tell what she's looking at.
Cartman: You guys are all such pussies!
Tweek: I can't take it, man! Writing in cursive?? Fractions?? I can't do i-it!
Stan: This is it. The end of innocence. [grows sad] This is the loss of that playful youth all our parents told us about.
Kyle: I just didnt think it would come so soon.
Cartman: Yeah. Only now do we realize how much we all took the third grade for granted.
Kyle: Huh?
Cartman: Everything was great in third grade. And now that it's all over, we'er starting to see just how special it was.
[wistfully]
Remember how it used to be in the Third Grade?
We used to laugh and play and cherish each day in the Third Grade
[a classroom scene, then a playground scene as heads of Cartman and Kenny float by]
We learned wonderous things from a teacher so nice
[Mr. Grrison is dessed as a pirate before a happy class]
Sat on marshmallow desks with teddy-bear smiles
[Their desks turn into marshmallow seats and float up as the classroom fades into sky. A teddy-bear face floats by]
The world seemed to all make sense
but that sense seems to slowly fade
[They float towards a rainbow and sun, and the scene fades to black, then to the playground]
After Third Grade
In the Third Grade we used to write with crayons
[Garrison leads the class in a march at a candy land]
We would make sparkly pictures with glitter and glue
[Cartman makes a glitter picture of a cow's face]
We had warm cookies and hearts full of love
[Kenny makes one of a clown holding a bloody Kn*fe in one hand and a boy's bloody head in the other]
And there wasn't a care in the world of me… of you…
[Cartman sings to the audience and points]
There's not a thing in this life that I wouldn't trade just to go back for one minute
[Garrison leads the class in a march at a candy land, then gives each kid a happy spanking in a room full of huge gift props. The scene fades to the playground again]
To Third Grade
[A moment of silence, and Clyde starts to cry. Butters draws near and consoles him]
Kyle: Wow! I had already forgotten how great third grade was.
Buters: Huh-it sure was.
Cartman: [wistfully] I wish I was sstill there.
Stan: Hey, that's it! We gotta go back to third grade!
Kyle: How?
Stan: [a bit dramatic] We travel back in time.
Kyle: Oh yeah, time travel.
Butters: Oowuh how are we gonna do that? Does it hurt? [waves the suggestion off] I don't wanna do it if it hurts. Or if it… makes you get all sticky.
Stan: It can't be that bad. People do it on TV all the time.
Cartman: Yeah, we just have to find somebody who knows how to do it.
Kyle: Well, what about those two college guys next door to me? They're always doing science experiments in their basement.
Cartman: Yeah, if there's a way to travel back in time, those two dorks will know how!
[The basement of the two college guys, after school. These are computer geeks, with at least three computers in there. The blond guy works on his nose as he talks.]
Nerd #1: When it comes to time-traveling theory, there are basically two school of thought. The Spock Theory is that a sling sh*t around the sun could create a wormhole in which time could not escape. The Lieutenant Commander Data Theory, however, is that a nag vibration could create a rip in the time-space continuum-
Cartman: Look, whatever it takes, we just have to get back to third grade.
Nerd #2: Time-travel is no laughing matter. Four times the Enterprise went back in time, and four times they almost didn't make it back.
Stan: We don't want to make it back, we want to stay there.
Nerd #1: Oh.
Kyle: So can you do it?
Nerd #2: It's all theoretical, but from a scientific standpoint, the creation of a rip in space-time is possible. We just need to find an inertia device. [they think]
Nerd #1: Heeeyyy. [approaches Timmy's chair] This kid's electric wheelchair might be just what we need.
Timmy: Tuh-timmih?
[South Park Elementary, Principal's office. Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey are talking to Chef.]
Principal Victoria: Oh, this new fourth-grade teacher is driving me nuts!
Chef: What's the problem?
Mr. Mackey: Uh, you see, Chef, Ms. Choksondik has very large, uh, honkers, and she doesn't seem to like wearing a bra.
Chef: You call that a problem? That sounds like heaven to me.
Mr. Mackey: No, it's really not as nice as you might imagine, Chef, m'kay. [the door opens and a very angry Ms. Choksondik enters]
Ms. Choksondik: Principal Victoria, I would like a word! [her elongated breasts swing freely under her blouse.]
Chef: Oooo! Call the doctor!
Ms. Choksondik: My new students are the most misbehaved, illiterate, brain-d*ad group of children I have ever come across!
Principal Victoria: Well, Ms.... Choksondik, those children did fairly well in the third grade.
Ms. Choksondik: One of them is ment*lly handicapped, for Christ's sake!
Principal Victoria: Oh? Which one?
Ms. Choksondik: The one in the wheelchair! Look, I would like to have a talk with their last year's teacher! Who was it? Mr. Uh-heh, Garrison?! [Terror strikes the faces of Mr. Mackey and Principal Victoria as they look at each other]
Principal Victoria: I'm afraid that's impossible. Nobody's seen Mr. Garrison since the last school year ended.
Ms. Choksondik: Why?! Where did he go?!
Mr. Mackey: [softly, slowly] We… don't like to talk about it.
Ms. Choksondik: But I need help reaching these kids! I have nothing but the hghest expectations for them. And with [raises her left arm, which causes the breast nipples to reveal themselves] God as my witness-
The Adults: Aww Oooo
Ms. Choksondik: I'm going to teach these kids the wonders of the world, so that they can reach the top! [the others recooil at the sight of her nipples again] I hope that sometime very soon you will let me in on what happened to this Mr. Garrison! And with that I will bid you good day!
Principal Victoria: [trying to hide her stare] Wuh sure thing, fine, bye-bye then. [Ms. Choksondik exits and the other three breathe sighs of relief. Chef instinctively vomits, then covers his mouth.]
[South Park Elementary, Ms. Choksondik's classroom, next day. The kids are all in their seats wearing goggles and the two nerds are with them]
Nerd #1: Alright, when we power up, the handicapped kid's chair will accelerate at a high rate of speed about 10 feet that way [towards the board], then make the required magnetic vibrations.
Nerd #2: If the fields are right, it should then create a wormhole up near the front of the classroom.
Wendy: You guys don't actually think this is going to work, do you?
Nerd #1: Now, eh, when you all see a wormhole, yuh-you guys are gonna have about 4.2 seconds to run through it.
Nerd #2: And on the other side you will find yourself in the exact same spot, only one year ago.
Stan: Back in the third grade.
Kids: Cool/Wow.
Kyle: I can't wait until the teacher yells at us this time, and we all tell her to suck our balls!
Kids: Yeah!
Stan: Oh! Here she comes.
Ms. Choksondik: [enters] Alright, children, I hope you all did your homework last night. Please pass your papers up to the frontuh.
Cartman: [hops up on his seat] Suck my balls!!! [no one else moves] Oh, God-damnit, you guys, I am so seriously-
Ms. Choksondik: [sternly] I said, pass your papers to the fronteh!
Cartman: We didn't do our homework, Ms. Makesmesick! We didn't feel like it!
Ms. Choksondik: It's Choksondik! And you are all going to have detention!
Cartman: Hahaa! Charade you are, teacher! I'm afraid we have different plans! Gentlemen? [a handheld controller with two thumb joysticks is activated. The two nerds get to work]
Nerd #1: Primary fusion initiated
Nerd #2: Molecular grenadine active. [Timmy's chair starts to convulse]
Timmy: Aa-aa-ah!
Ms. Choksondik: What are you doing?!
Cartman: We're going back in time to third grade! Goodbye, teacher! Perhaps we shall see you in another year! Hahaaa! [the wheelchair is launched and Timmy moves towards the chalkboard]
Timmy: Timmaaaaaaaaah! [Ms. Choksondik steps aside as Timmy breaks through the wall and out into the snow] Timmaaaaaaaaah! [his voice trails off. The class is in shock. Ms. Choksondik turns and looks out the gaping hole as Timmy turns right and goes past a tree]
Nerd #1: I didn't think it would work.
Nerd #2: Me neither.
Ms. Choksondik: Well, well, well! I'd say somebody has some explaining to do!
Cartman: You're damn right they do!
Kyle: Dude! Timmy's chair is packed with all that stuff! We've gotta help him!
Stan: Yeah!
Kyle: Come on! [the other kids scramble out of their chairs and rush outside]
Ms. Choksondik: Children! Children, come back here!
[South Park, the streets. Timmy is rolling down the street being passed by honking cars going this way and that. Timmy screams a frightened scream]
Stan: Timmy, you have to stop!
Nerd #1: No!
Stan: No??
Nerd #1: Look, the system malfunctions if he stops. The nuclear core can bake his magnetic field and the whole chair will blow sky-high.
Kyle: What?! Timmy! You've got to get off that chair!
Nerd #1: No!
Kyle: [with trembling voice] No??
Nerd #2: We've rigged the chair to be sensitive to his weight. If he gets off, the whole thing blows!
Stan: So if Timmy drops his speed below five miles an hour the chair blow, and if he gets off, the chair blows?
The Nerds: Yup.
Stan: My God!
NEWS 4 LIVE UPDATE
Anchor Tom: [Timmy is shown moving down the street screaming] It's been over three hours since the police first showed up on the scene of a handicapped boy's wheelchair set with expl*sives.
[South Park, Tele's. The boys and the nerds rush to the video window to watch the report]
Stan: Over here, over here!
Anchor Tom: The child can't stop or get off the chair without risking expl*si*n, and so the SWAT team will now attempt to disarm the device.
[South Park, a street. Timmy reaches an open stretch of road]
Timmy: [in distress] Timmi-hih-ih! [above him a helicopter appears, and a SWAT team member is lowered while keeping up with Timmy]
SWAT Hansen: Closer! [reaches Timmy] Don't worry, son. Just watch your speed and stay still! [both approach a pair of women waiting to hitch a ride going the other direction]
Pilot: Look out, Hansen!
SWAT rescuer Hansen: Oh! [flies into the blonde, knocking her away. Timmy ends up with the brunette on his chair]
Brunette: Aaaah!
Timmy: Timmaaay!
Hansen: [floats up to them again] Dear Jesus! Hang on, lady!
Brunette: Oh my God, what's going on?
Hansen: Ma'am, be very careful! That wheelchair is set to explode!
Brunette: What?! [scrambles around Timmy] AAAH!! Omigod! Omigod!
Hansen: It's okay! Just stay calm and keep the speed above 5!
Brunette: [trying to hang on] O-kay. O-kay. Omigod.
Timmy: Tih-Timmah? [the woman sets the speed and locks it in a flash]
Brunette: Okay. I kept the speed at 5.
Hansen: Good! What's the wheelchair's battery power at?
19:46 … 19:45 …
Brunette: Oh my God! Less than 20 minutes!
[South Park, Tele's. The boys react to the news]
Stan: Less than 20 minutes?!
Kyle: Oh no! What have we done?!
[South Park Elementary, Principal's office. Principal Victoria holds up an oversize bra for Chef's and Mr. Mackey's appraisal]
Principal Victoria: Whattaya think? Too forward? [the door opens and in enters…]
Ms. Choksondik: I HAVE HAD IT!!!
Principal Victoria: Waaah! [tosses the bra behind her seat]
Ms. Choksondik: These children are out of control! I must speak with their last year's teacher, Mr. Garrison! [again, the three other adults show fear…]
Principal Victoria: As we said before, that's impossible.
Ms. Choksondik: What in God's name happened to him?
Chef: Uuuh, Ms. Choksondik, Mr. Garrison had several uuh, eee-motional issues. He was a closet h*m* who hated gay people. Whenever someone asked him if he was gay, he'd go nuts.
Principal Victoria: And then he was accused of trying to solicit sex from a young boy.
Mr. Mackey: After being dismissed from teaching, he went off to write romance novels. His first novel sold well and everything was fine until he found out that his novel won the gay Pulitzer prize, and was considered the best h*m* novel since Huckleberry Finn.
Principal Victoria: He finaly snapped and had a nervous breakdown and… went up into the mountains to live in solitude.
Chef: Some say that on cold nights you can still hear him moanin', "I'm not gaaay! I'm not gaaay!"
Mr. Garrison: [barely audible in the distance. The adults strain to hear] Iii'mmm nnnooottt gggaaayyy!!!
Ms. Choksondik: And, nobody has found him?
Mr. Mackey: Well, we really haven't ll-looked.
Ms. Choksondik: I see. [a kitten walks up to her] Then the only way I'll find the secret to teaching these kids is to go up into those mountains and find Mr. Garrison myself!
Principal Victoria: But he could be anywhere up high in those mountains.
Ms. Choksondik: Oh, I'll find him! Even if I have to climb up [arms spread out and raised to chest level] and up [raised to ear level] and up!
Chef, Victoria, Mackey: NOOO!!
Ms. Choksondik: [lowers upraised arms] What?
[South Park, a street. Timmy and the brunette are still on the open stretch of road]
Brunette: Oh my God, Oh my God!
[South Park, a street. A field reporter is on the scene]
Field Reporter: Tom, I'm standing about two miles outside of Denver where the darling handicapped boy fights for his life on a wheelchair of death. [camera pulls back to show the nerds next to the reporter, and the boys across the street] Guys, can you tell us what kind of expl*sive we're actually dealing with here.
Nerd #1: Uh, well, it's a simple hydrogen-fusion core with a veltig reactant-
Timmy: [while the blond nerd talks] Ah, please help!
Nerd #2: Which just turned into a time b*mb.
Timmy: Please help.
Nerd #1: This has never happened in all the 72 original Star Trek episodes.
Nerd #2: Yah… wait, you mean 73 episodes.
Nerd #1: …No, there were 72.
Nerd #2: No there weren't!
Nerd #1: [pushes his friend away] Oh, you are such a nerd! [they start slapping each other around]
Field Reporter: [camera zooms in] Tom, I understand that now, the rescuers are gonna try and send in one of the handicapped boy's little friends, in an attempt to keep him calm and hopefully, disarm the device.
[South Park, a street. A SWAT truck full of rescuers passes Timmy and the brunette and slows down to wheelchair speed. Kenny is with them]
Hansen: It's alright, eveything's goin' tuh be fine.
Brunette: Oh my God!
Hansen: [sets Kenny on a dolly and secures him] Alright, young man, when you get underneath that wheelchair, I want you to relay back to me with this walky-talky, and then I'll tell you which wires to cross. Ready?
Kenny: (Yes, sir!)
Hansen: Go below! [releases the winch. Kenny and the dolly make their way to Timmy, but they pass each other. Kenny keeps rolling down the road past Stan, Kyle, and Cartman]
Kenny: (Hi guys.) [keeps rolling until he trips over a manhold cover.] (Uh oh.) [the dolly lands on him] (Uff. I'm okay.) [the winch is suddenly yanked, and Kenny zips away] (I'm oKAAAYYYYYYY!!!) [the camera switches to Stan, Kyle, and Cartman looking in the direction of a terribly screechy sound. Soon, Kenny appears ripping up the road with his face, and he stops in front of them, d*ad]
Stan: Well, who didn't see that coming?
Brunette: [camera back on the wheelchair] Oh my God! Oh my God!
Hansen: Stay calm! You have to stay calm! [Timmy looks up at him]
Brunette: [in a panic] But if we got off the chair it blows up!
Hansen: No no, that's only if the boy gets off.
Brunette: Oh. [hops off and stands up] See ya!
Timmy: Timmih! [Hansen starts to work on the chair]
Pilot: Ten seconds, Hansen!
Stan: …nine, eight…
Timmy: [looks down at Hansen] Please-a help me.
Pilot: …six, five…
Timmy: Please help me. Please help me.
Hansen: Got it! I think! Up, up! [the helicopter rises and takes him up with it]
Timmy: [upset] Timmay! [with a burst of speed the wheelchair accelerates, then disappears in a flare. Nothng remains of him. The rescuer is back in the helicopter looking down at the event with other rescuers, and the boys are on the curb shocked. The nerds are stunned, and the TV shows the site of the disappearance without comment]
Nerd #1: Hey, it did work. [the other nerd grins]
[South Park, a tall mountain not unlike the Matterhorn, next day. Ms. Choksondik scales it, and reaches a plateau. Several cats follow her up. She sees a cave and approaches it, then enters]
Ms. Choksondik: Hello-oo-ooo. [walks further in with a lit flashlight] Oh, what am I doing? I'm gonna get myself k*lled. [calls out] Is anyone here? [the beam falls on Mr. Garrison, now hunched over against a wall and with a full beard. Mr. Hat has a matching beard. Garrison hisses at her] Mister? Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison: Who-? Who are you? What do you want?
Ms. Choksondik: I am the new fourth grade teacher. I've come to… seek your help. [Garrison hisses at her again] Please. I don't know how to handle the new fourth graders. I've tried everything. I need to know how you taught them.
Mr. Garrison: [hiding from the light] No! No, I… haven't… taught in over… eight… months. [the cats try to get at Ms. Choksondik's]
Ms. Choksondik: Mr. Garrison, you knew how to reach these kids! You're my only hope!
Mr. Garrison: Do you know what it is to be a teacher, Ms.…?
Ms. Choksondik: Choksondik.
Mr. Garrison: No I don't! [rushes up to her] IT'S A LIE! You see? That's what you get for bein' a teacher! You work and you work for the children and then people start rumors that you're gay even though you love poontang!
Ms. Choksondik: Mr. Garrison, these children are depeding on me to give them a future. I can't do it without your guidance. Please! Help me, for them! For the future of our children!
Mr. Garrison: …Two hundred bucks.
Ms. Choksondik: …Done.
[The basement of the two college guys, after school. The boys show up again. Much of the stuff that was in the baasement is gone. Soon, it is shown that the second nerd has moved out]
Stan: Dude! You gotta build us another time machine!
Nerd #1: Huh? Oh… Can't.
Kyle: What do you mean, "can't"?! You made it work; just build us another one!
Nerd #1: I can't, because pizza-face isn't here! We're not on speaking terms! We got in a big fight and he moved all his stuff out!
Stan: W-what did you get in a fight about?
Nerd #1: There's 73 original Star Treks! He keeps saying there's 72!
Stan: Oh, Jesus Christ! You've got to be kidding me!
Nerd #1: No! He actually thinks there's 72.!
Cartman: Look, dude, can't you just build us another machine without him?
Nerd #1: No. Pizza-face took all his equipment home to his mom's. Now, if you can go over there and get him to admit that he's wrong…
Stan: Alright, come on, guys. [the boys exit the basement and head up the stairs] Man, I can't bellieve we have to do this while Timmy's already back in time!
Kyle: Yeah! Timmy's probably back in third grade right now living it up!
[A tropical forest. Dinosaurs roam this land. A pteranodon flies overhead as a triceratops chases Timmy]
Timmy: Timmah! Timmaaaaahhh!
[South Park, the "Matterhorn," the plateau outside Garrison's cave. Mr. Garrison walks around Ms. Choksondik as she balances three books on each hand and one on her head while standing on only her left foot.]
Mr. Garrison: Alright, let's try it again.
Ms. Choksondik: "Children, we are now going to do math problems."
Mr. Garrison: "But teacher, I don't want to do my math problems."
Ms. Choksondik: "Uuh! Ah, you will do them or else you'll be in very big trouble!"
Mr. Garrison: "Well, I'm not gong' to do it, teacher! You can just suck my balls!"
Ms. Choksondik: "Don't use that kind of language, young man!"
Mr. Garrison: NOOO![Ms. Choksondik drops the books in terror]
Ms. Choksondik: [drops the books in terror] No??
Mr. Garrison: Look, you can't counter a profane command with an idle thr*at! You must extingish it with a vulgar suggestion! When a child says, "Suck my balls," you say, "Present them."
Ms. Choksondik: Oh.
Mr. Garrison: Now, let's try it again. [gathers the books up and repositions them on Ms. Choksondik's hands and head, then stands to her left. She resumes balancing on her left foot and concentrates.] SUCK MY BALLS!
Ms. Choksondik: Pre-sent them?
Mr. Garrison: [softens] Good. [Ms. Choksondik relaxes a bit and opens her eyes] Very good. [with authority] You're ready to move on to the next level. But I warn you: we will now be diving deep into your own psyche. These children know what scares you, and so we, too, must face those demons.
Ms. Choksondik: I'm ready. I'm not afraid.
Mr. Garrison: [ominously, gruffly] You will be! You will be! [coughs] You wil be.
[South Park, a house. Eight boys approach it: Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Butters, Kevin, Token, Tweek, and Clyde. Stan knocks]
Stan: God-damnit, this is ridiculous.
Nerd #2: [opens the door angrily] What?!
Stan: Dude, can you please just stop fighting with your friend and build another machine so we can travel back in time to the third grade?
Nerd #2: Look! There aern't 73 episodes of Star Trek, there are 72! "The Menagerie" was a 2-parter that counts as one episode! Pizza-face is wrong!
Cartman: Who the hell cares?!
Nerd #2: I know! Why does he have to be such a dick about it?!
Kyle: Wouldn't it be better to just agree with him and forget the whole thing?
Nerd #2: No, because he's WRONG!
Kyle: Look. You guys built a machine together that can bend time. If you'll just agree with him, you can build another one and usher in a whole new era of science!
Nerd #2: And live in a world of 72 original Star Treks? I don't think so! I don't want to live in that world. [slams the door shut]
Cartman: God, these guys are such geek dumbasses!
Stan: I know.
Butters: Yeh-hah. They don't even realize that "The Menagerie" originally was the pilot and later got split up into two episodes, eh ha ha. Ha ha. [pauses to see if anyone responds] Hahahaha, eh the, eh the dumbasses.
Stan: Wiait a minute! I've got it. [knocks again]
Nerd #2: [opens the door angrily] What?!
Stan: Dude, if you guys build another time machine, you can travel back in time and ask the creator of Star Trek how many episodes there were!
Nerd #2: [thinks for a moment] Dude, Jesus, you're right.
[South Park, the "Matterhorn." Mr. Garrison takes Ms. Choksondik to a gnarled, giant willow tree on a mountainside forest]
Mr. Garrison: This is it: The Tree of Insight. You must go in and face what lives inside.
Ms. Choksondik: What lives inside?
Mr. Garrison: Hel if I know. I wouldn't go in there.
Ms. Choksondik: Oh, alrighty. [enters the base of the tree and through the hewn hallway, then sees a light at the other end.] What the? Why there's nothng in here but an exit to the other side! [peers through it, then pulls back] There's nothing in here at all. …Oh, and I actually thought my mental demons would be in here. [thinks for a moment] Wait a minute. Maybe there's not supposed to be anythng in here. Maybe I'm supposed to see that I alone do have the strength to reach the kids! [clenches her fists] I think I get it now! [walks out the other end]
Mr. Garrison: [bides his time and sighs] Hey, hurry up in there! [under his breath] Jesus. [knocks on the tree entrance] You're taking too long in the damn Tree of Insight! [looks at the entrance, then looks in] You in there?! [enters the hallway himself] Hey, where the hell did she go? [a few more steps, and rumbling begins] What the? [the entrance closes and a mirror Garrison, clean-shaven, appears. The unkempt Garrison shivers] Haaa! Who? Who are you?
Clean Garrison: [surely] I am you. [approaches the unkempt Garrison] I am your gay side.
Unkempt Garrison: My gay side, uh- I DON'T HAVE A GAY SIDE!!!
Clean Garrison: You must face me at last. [the two of them just stare at each other]
[South Park, the "Matterhorn," moments later…]
Unkempt Garrison: You aren't real! You can't be!
Clean Garrison: It is me, your darkest fear. Your gay self, incarnate.
Unkempt Garrison: What do you want?
Clean Garrison: I want you to not fight me anymore. To accept me, once and for all.
Unkempt Garrison: Why?
Clean Garrison: Don't you see? [approached the unkempt one] All these years, your pain, your confusion, it comes from one place. Your denial of who you are. [his voice softens] Of who… we are.
Unkempt Garrison: But I'm not gay! Everyone just thinks I am!
Clean Garrison: Oh, stop it! What about the time you looked at Counselor Mackey's penis in the men's locker room?!
Unkempt Garrison: I was just comparing size!
Clean Garrison: For seven minutes?!
Unkempt Garrison: Aaa! [turns away in despair]
Clean Garrison: And what about the time you masturbated to the men's 100-meter swimming relay at the Olympics?!
Unkempt Garrison: I was beating off to the chicks!
Clean Garrison: THERE WERE NO CHICKS!
Unkempt Garrison: OH, DAMN YOU SPIRIT! HAUNT ME NO LONGER!
Clean Garrison: ADMIT IT!
Unkempt Garrison: NO!!!
Clean Garrison: YOU HAVE TO STOP LYING TO YOURSELF AND GET A G-
Unkempt Garrison: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I ADMIT IT! I'M GAY!!! [camera zooms in as Farrison comes to terms with this admission] I'm…gay. I'm gay! [rises] I am gay! You hear that everyone? [goes towards the exit] I'm gay! I'm gay! I'm gay and it… [gets emotional] and it feels good.
[South Park Elementary, Ms. Choksondik's classroom, a few days later. Where the chalkboard used to be are just some boards hastily put up, along with a DO NOT CROSS line and three safety cones to guard this makeshift board.]
Ms. Choksondik: Alright, children, I hope you all did your- [the class once again has goggles on and the two nerds are back together in the back of the class ready to activate another machine --- a microwave oven with a duck tied to it.] Oowhat is going on now?! [three kittens run up and frolic near her breasts]
Cartman: Haha, Teacher, we're traveling back in time to third grade!-God-damnit you guys, you seriously said this time you'd snap into it with me.
Ms. Choksondik: [cups her ears] Oh Good Gravy, not this again.
Cartman: Yes! We've had a new time maching built: this one out of a simple microwave oven and a duck [the contraption is shown and the duck quacks.] Au revoir, teacher! Perheps we shall see you in the past, hahaa. Gentlemen? [the nerds activate their controllers]
Ms. Choksondik: Children, I will have order!!
Nerd #1: I can't wait for Gene Roddenberry to tell you how WRONG you are! Just like when you said there were no two-parters of Battlestar Galactica!
Nerd #2: There WEREN'T!
Nerd #1: The episode called "Gonzo on Ice Planet Zero" was a two-parter.
Nerd #2: No it WASN'T!
Stan: Oh, son of a bitch!
Nerd #1: I'll k*ll you! [the nerds start slapping each other again. Nerd #2 throws his controller at Nerd #1, and the controller hits the floor. The microwave is activated and soon blows up along with the bird, leaving behind a portal]
Cartman: There it is! Come on, everybody! [tthe kids move towards the portal]
Ms. Choksondik: Children, get back into your seats!
Cartman: No way, lady!
Ms. Choksondik: Eric, I mean it!
Cartman: You can suck my balls!
Ms. Choksondik: [strikes a meditative pose as the camera does some vertigo, then] Present them. [everyone stops what they're doing and looks at her. Nerd #2 was about to strike Nerd #1 with a desk.]
Cartman: …What?
Ms. Choksondik: You said, "suck my balls." Well, go ahead. Whip 'em out, and I'll suck 'em.
Stan: [softly] Thah… That's what Mr. Garrison would've said.
Cartman: Touché, teacher. Touché.
Ms. Choksondik: Now, children, listen to me. Why do you want to go back in time? Life isn't about going back, it's about going forward. Yes, there are times in our life that we wish we could relive, but, if we already lived them perfectly, why live them again? The adventure of life is that there's always something new. New challenges, new experiences. A fun game is a game that gets harder as it goes. So it is with life. Do you understand?
Stan: Dude. Sh-she's right.
Kyle: Yeah. And you know, now that I think about it, third grade wasn't all that great, either.
Stan: Yeah. Third grade sucked! Cartman, why the hell did you try to make us think third grad was so great?!
Kyle: Yeah! You suck, Cartman! [the kids return to their seats, leaving Cartman alone]
Cartman: What??
Ms. Choksondik: Alright, students, that will be quite enough! If you're ready, let's continue on… with the fourth grade. [as she turns to write her name on the makdshift board, a noise is heard]
Timmy: AAAAAAA! [reappears covered in items from every time period in history]
Kyle: Hey, Timmy's back!
Stan: Dude, it looks like he's been all over time! He must have such cool stuff to tell us.
Timmy: [shifts a bit here and there] Eh, Timmih.
[South Park Elementary, Principal's office. Chef talks with Mr. Mackey and Principal Victoria]
Chef: You know I'm always here to help, Principal Victoria. [the door opens]
Mr. Garrison: [skips in happily] Ey, guess what everybody?! I'M GAY!!! [the other three look]
Principal Victoria: Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Mackey: What?
Mr. Garrison: I'm as gay as a gymnast on shore leave!
Principal Victoria: You admit it? You admit it! [the three of them gather around him smiling]
Mr. Mackey: Oh, that's great, Mr. Garrison. You've finally come to terms with yourself!
Mr. Garrison: [fairly bouncing with joy] Yeah, it feels really good!
Principal Victoria: Well, congratulations!
Mr. Mackey: Yeah, congratulations!
Mr. Garrison: You know, I, I feel like I can start anew. If it's alright with you, I'd like to go back to teaching the third grade!
Principal Victoria: Oh. I'm sorry, we don't hire gay people. [silence, then Chef, Mr. Mackey, and Principal Victoria laugh as Mr. Garrison stews]
[End of 4th Grade] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x11 - 4th Grade"} | foreverdreaming |
[South Park, the bus stup, day. Stan and Kenny wait at the bus stop. Kyle and Ike walk up. Ike is dressed in a little business suit and his hair is combed]
Stan: Dude! What's your little brother doing here?
Kyle: Ike is starting his first day of kindergarten
Stan: But isn't he only three years old?
Kyle: Yeah, but he's some kind of genius, so he's getting advanced placement in kindergarten.
Ike: Ah poobed my pants.
Kyle: [moves Ike aside and shows his folder] But dude, check out my new Trapper Keeper! [opens it up and displays the inside] It has five different compartments for each subject in school. [closes it and shows off the covers] And it's all covered with pictures from Dawson's Creek.
Stan: Cool!
Cartman: [walks up with his own folder] Hey, dudes, check out my sweet Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper Ultrakeeper Futura 2000! [the others just look at him] Yeah, well [opens his up], it's got ten different compartments for every subject in school, an electronic pencil sharpener, four plastic bags with electronic zippers, copy machine, fax, a better picture of Dawson's Creek on the back than Kyle's, [opens it up agan.] flat-screen TV, and of course, On-Star.
Stan: Wow, cool!
Kyle: God-damnit, you only got that because you knew my mom would buy it for me!
Cartman: Oh, but you have a Trapper Keepeh- Oh, you got the little Crapper Keeper, didn't you? Well, at least your stupid brother got a briefcase.
Kyle: He's going to kindergarten because he's a genius!
Cartman: He's not a genius, he's a little douche bag.
Ike: Ah pooped my pants!!!
Kyle: He's smarter than you, fatboy!! I don't even know how you made it into fourth grade! I thought-
Cartman: Trapper Keeper, I need to drown out my annoying friend. Please initiate music, country, high volume. [soft music plays and Cartman starts to dance.]
Kyle: Nobody gives a crap about your Trapper Keeper, Cartman! [music continues, and the bus rolls up.]
[The bus, day. The boys take their seats. Cartman and Kenny sit behind Kyle, Stan, and Ike. All of them notice the disheveled man on the other side of the bus]
Stan: Ms. Crabtree, there's another creepy homeless guy on the bus.
Ms. Crabtree: SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!
Stan: But they smell like pee.
Android: I am not a homeless personne. I am a new fourth-grade studant.
Kyle: You are?
Android: Yes! My name is Bill. Bill Cosby.
Stan: Aren't you a little old to be in grade school?
Bill: I was held back ten humon grades. [grimaces and grunts] I mean, grades. Do you companion-friends know Eric Cartman?
Cartman: Yeah, that's me.
Bill: Eric Cartman?! And you have a Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper Futura S2000
Cartman: Yeahhh, you already know about it??
Bill: [soberly] Yes. Yes I do.
Cartman: Well! "Nobody gives a crap about your Trapper Keeper, Cartman!"
Kyle: I'm gonna shove that thing up your ass!
Stan: Dude, do you really care if Cartman has something that's better than yours?
Kyle: No I don't! I don't care!
Cartman: [stick the notebook out] Here, Kyle. ["Bill" stares at Cartman's Trapper Keeper]
[South Park Elementary, kindergarten room. The room appears festive, the wall adorned with a beaming sun with rays coming from it, rolling hills with trees here and there. The kids enter and take their places at the round table. Two miffed boys stand by the door as Ike enters the room]
Boy #1: Hey, there he is. That's the kid that's s'posed to be some kind of genius.
Boy #2: Yeah, he's only three and he's already in kindergarten.
Boy #1: Come on. [The two boys walk up to Ike and sit on the chairs on either side of hm] So, you think you're smarter than the rest of us? Do you think you know more about the world just because you are only 3 and we're 5?
Ike: Unkoo baba.
Mr. Garrison: [enters the room] Okay, children, let's take our seats. [closes the door and approaches the table] My name is Mr. Garrison. And I'm the new kindergarten teacher. I used to be the third grade teacher, but I had a little [wags the index and ring finger of each hand] "nervous breakdown" and went into the mountains where I lived off of [wags the fingers again] "rat carcasses" [a view of some of the kids' reactions] But I'm all better now, and the school was nice enough to let me g n teaching, as long as it was for kindergarten. [a view of other kids' reactions] But it's not a demotion. No. I mean, just because a teacher was teaching third grade and now is teaching kindergarten, that's not a demotion, is it? [the kids look confused.] No, that's right, it's not. Well, let's start with role call. Uh, let's see. Filmore Anderson?
Filmore: [Boy #1] Heoh.
Mr. Garrison: Sally Bands?
Sally: Here.
Mr. Garrison: Alright, Ike Broflovski.
Ike: Cookah Monster.
Mr. Garrison: Broflovski --- I had your older brother Kyle in my third-grade class. He's a very smart kid. I'm sure you are, too. [Filmore and his friend glare at Ike] Well that's bad news for everybody else, because I will be grading you all on a curve. [Ike looks at Filmore and friend and starts to sink in his seat]
[South Park Elementary, fourth grade room. The class is present, along with "Bill Cosby" Cartman elaboraes on the wonderful attributes of his Trapper Keeper]
Cartman: And so the other thing that makes my Trapper Keeper cooler than Kyle's is that it can add any peripheral device to itself automatically. [Kyle glares at him with arms crossed.] I can take something as simple as this calculator [a Wellington Bear model] and… Trapper Keeper?
Trapper Keeper: [its TV screen turns on] Trapper Keeper active.
Cartman: Hybrid with Wellington Bear Calculator.
Trapper Keeper: Ready for hybrid. [Two cables reach out and grab the calculator and pull it into a ready slot. Cartman closes the Trapper Keeper]
Cartman: And now it can use Wellington Bear Calculator, too.
Kids: Wow.
Bill: [reaches over Cartman's shoulder] May I hold your Trapper Keeper?
Cartman: Uh, n-no, I'm afraid not, Bill Cosby, because it is coded to the prints on my fingers. [wiggles them outstretched] If anybody but me tries to hold it, big metal spikes come out and pierce through their hands.
Kyle: Oh, you are so full of crap, Cartman! Metal spikes will not come out!
Cartman: Oh really? [hands the folder over to Kyle] Then, why don't you hold it? [Kyle looks at it in Cartman's outstretched hand.] Well, go on, Kyle. If it doesn't have metal spikes, then hold it. [inches closer and whispers] Hold it.
Kyle: I'm gonna!
Cartman: [inches closer and whispers] Hold it.
Kyle: I will!
[South Park Elementary, kindergarten room. Mr. Garrison is telling his life story to the kids]
Mr. Garrison: Aaand that's how the relationship with my father sort of ended. There's still some sort of skeletons in the closet, but things between us are a little better. [some of the kids are stunned. Garrison starts writing on the board] Okay, children, well now it's time for us to elect a class president [writes up "KINDERGARTEN CLASS PRESIDENT" on the chalkboard and underlines it], so first we must pick nominees. [turns and faces the class] Who would like to nominate someone?
Boy #2: I nominate Filmore, because he's the smartest kid in the class.
Mr. Garrison: Okay, Filmore. [writes the name on the board] You'll be our first nominee. And who else? [a girl raises her hand] Yes, Jenny.
Jenny: I gotta go doodie.
Mr. Garrison: In a minute, Jenny. Who else wants to nominate a class presdient? [the kids stay quiet] Oh, come on! You can't have an election with just one person running! What's the fun in that? Ike? How about you? You're a genius.
Ike: [looks at an angry Filmore and friend] No.
Mr. Garrison: Okay, our second nominee is Ike The Genius. [writes the name up on the board. Filmore and friend stare at a chagrined Ike] Okay, children, now we'll hear briefly from each nominee. Filmore, why don't you go first?
Filmore: [leaves his seat, approaches the board, and faces the class] If I'm elected class president, I'll call for big ol' chairs. And on Fridays, I'll add two minutes to nap time. Thank you. [returns to his seat]
Mr. Garrison: Very enthralling. Okay, Ike? How about you?
Ike: [leaves his seat, approaches the board, and faces the class] Cookeh Monsta. Oight
Mr. Garrison: …Well, this is gonna be a tough one, kids.
[South Park Elementary playground. The four boys stand around the tetherball pole while two kids in front of them toss a football, two girls walk by behind them, another kid climbs the jungle gym, and another rocks on a hobby elephant]
Stan: Oh, dude, here comes that weird new kid.
Bill: Aaahhh, hello Eric. Can I be your humon friend? [winces] I mean, friend?
Cartman: I don't know, dude. I'm not supposed to have any male friends that are over 30. I kind of screwed on that once.
Bill: Please. We can have fun and play games, like humon four square [coughs up] I mean, four square.
Cartman: Dude, you can't just ask to be somebody's friend and be their friend, It doesn't work that way. If you want to be my friend, you'll have to pay me.
Bill Oh, I see. Alright, I'll pay 100 geliga stones --- uh, I mean, human dollars! --- eugh, I mean dollars!
Cartman: Okay, that's cool.
Bill [holds up the tetherball] Can we play some humon tetherball?
Cartman: Ah- alright. Pretty sweet, you guys, getting a hundred bucks to play tetherball with some- [by this time, "Bill" has pulled away from the pole and Cartman, and has the tether taut and ready to release].
Bill Serve! [whips the ball at Cartman, knocking him onto his back. The Trapper Keeper falls away and lands next to Kenny. "Bill" makes his move]
Cartman: Ugh. ["Bill" goes after the Trapper Keeper and runs away with it]
Bill Got it!
Cartman: Ey!
Stan: Dude! He's running off with your Trapper Keeper! [just then, spikes come out of the Trapper Keeper and some of them go clear through "Bill's" hands.]
Bill: [stops and looks at his pierced hands] Waa-aaaah! [clenches his teeth and continues running]
Cartman: You son of a bitch! [recalls something] Wait a minute. [whips out a small gadget and activates it] Lucky for me, I have my Trapper Keeper homing device. [walks towards the source of the sound heard in the device and away fron his friends]
Stan: [confused] What the hell just happened?
Kyle: [angry] Damn! I thought fourth grade was gonna be different.
[South Park Elementary, Kindergarten. Mr. Garrison tallies up the votes so far on the board...]
Mr. Garrison: So that's six votes for Filmore and six votes for Ike. [sets the chalk down and reads the last ballot] And the last vote is for... uh, let's see. Flora, I can't tell who you voted for. [Flora, a timid, pretty blond girl trying to bury her face into her laps, which are raised up on the chair, is shown] You've got the winning vote, Flora. Who d'you pick?
Flora: I don't know... [smiles and looks down and away]
Mr. Garrison: Flora, you have to pick one: Filmore or Ike.
Flora: Um, I vote for... I don't know.
Mr. Garrison: Oh, great! Flora's undecided! Well, you're just gonna have to sit there, Flora, and think about it until you come up with an answer.
Flora: Okay.
Boy #2 Flora, just say you vote for Filmore so we can all go home.
Flora: Um...
Sally: No! You want Ike to be president.
Filmore: We're gonna be here all night! Why don't you guys just concede?!
Two kids: Yeah!
Sally: Why don't you just concede?!
Other kids: Yeah! [the kids start to argue]
Some Kids: Filmore!
Other Kids: Ike!
A girl: I want Ike to be president! [several kids from Filmore's side rush across the table to kids on Ike's side]
Mr. Garrison: Oh, for Christ's sakes, you're all acting like a bunch o' kids!
[South Park, day. A police car zooms down the street. Officer Barbrady flies down the road in the police cruiser with Cartman in the passenger seat and Stan, Kyle, and Kenny in the back seat. Cartman has the Trapper Tracker Keeper in his hand and is following the Trapper Keeper's signal on the Tracker's screen]
Cartman: Turn left here! We're getting close! Get your g*n ready!
Barbrady: Eric, I'm not gonna sh**t anybody for taking your school folder!
Cartman: [grabs Barbrady's ] It was NOT a school folder, it was a Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper Futura S2000! And if-! [spots "Bill"] There he is!
Bill: [turns to see the cruiser coming his way] Wah!
Cartman: Got ya! [grabs the steering wheel from Barbrady]
Barbrady: Hey! [Cartman steers the cruiser into a building, crushing "Bill" and rattling the building]
Bill: Gaaaah! [crumples to the floor. Babrady and the others exit the cruiser and gather around the android. His left arm has been cut in two, the lower half holding the Trapper Keeper in hand.]
Kyle: [softly] Whoa, dude!
Cartman: Aah, try to take my Trapper Keeper, will you? [grabs the keeper and walks back to the others]
Bill: Please. You do not understand.
Cartman: [takes his place] Book him, Barbrady. Another job well done.
Bill: [plaintive] That Trapper Keeper has to be destroyed!
Stan: Why are you so obsessed with Cartman's Trapper Keeper, Bill Cosby?
Barbrady: Bill Cosby??
Bill: Nooo! Listen to me! I am not really Bill Cosby. [the boys and Barbrady show shock] My name is VSM471. I am a cyborg engineered by humons from the year 2034.
Barbrady: Well, I knew you weren't Bill Cosby!
VSM471: ["Bill"] I have come to destroy that Trapper Keeper, because it was the Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper that belongs to an Eric Cartman in South Park which three years from now manifests itself into an omnipotent superbeing, and destroys all of humonity. In the year two thousand and four a hybrid-assimilating computer linked with a satellite uplink computer. From there it was able to slowly take over every computer in the world. [cables reach out from the Trapper Keeper and engulf two PC's. The process continues to all corners of the country] It became stronger and stronger! Until, by the year 2018 it broke away from mankind [skulls litter the landscape] and there was nothing the humons could do. [In the distance a Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper tower rises] It wasn't long before Mighty Trapper Keeper started to destroy everything as useless, including humons. [people are sh*t left and right from the Trapper Keeper's w*apon.] The nations tried everything to stop it. [troops line up and f*re at the Trapper Keeper] Nuclear devices, seismic m*ssile. But nothng worked. [robotic t*nk come into view, f*ring away at the Trapper Keeper] The humons built robots of their own, whole armies of them [DC TK209s approach the advancing armies and f*re at them] But nothing was strong enough to stop Trapper Keeper. [the battle scene fades, and VSM471 is shown once again on the ground] And so finally, the humons decided to send one of their robots into the past to destroy the Trapper Keeper before it even got started.
Stan: Wow, that's amazing
Kyle: Man, I guess sometimes we let our technology and stuff grow too fast.
Stan: What do you think, Officer Barbrady?
Barbrady: Huh? Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.
VSM471: And so, Eric. Now you see why we must destroooyy your Trapper Keeper.
Cartman: …You guys. Did I mention that it has a pencil sharpener and a crayon sharpener?
Stan: Cartman, it takes over the world and destroy all of humanity!
Cartman: What would you guys have me do, huh?! Walk around with just a plain old Trapper Keeper like Kyle's?! Is that what you want?!
Stan: Yes!
Cartman: Aw, damnit! [throws his Trapper Keeper to the ground] Here! Take it! You want my heart as well?! You'll find it on the bottom of your shoes! [walks off to his left sadly]
[South Park Elementary, kindergarten. The class is looking at Flora. Mr. Mackey sits on a chair looking bored]
Flora: I decided.
Mr. Garrison: [jumps up] Oh, thank God, Flora! [gets ready to write] Alright, who do you vote for?
Flora: Uumm, Ike.
Ike's Supporters: YAY!
Mr. Garrison: [adds the tally to Ike's total] Okay, so then the total is six for Filmore and now seven votes for Ike. Ike is the new class persident.
Filmore: We want a recount.
Mr. Garrison: [miffed] What?
Filmore's Supporters: Recount! Recount! Recount! Recount!
Mr. Garrison: Oh, of all the juvenile things I've ever heard! You LOST, Filmore! Don't be such a baby! [Filmore cries and throws a tantrum, pounding away on the classroom table] Alright, alright, I'll count up the ballots again. Okay, we had one vote for Filmore… [writes Filmore's name on the board. A time lapse shows him writing on a crowded board now] …And this time, I again get six votes for Filmore and seven votes for Ike!
Filmore: Count them again.
Filmore's Supporters: Yeh!
Mr. Garrison: NO, children! I've recounted 106 times now and I keep coming up with seven to six! Except in the one instance where it came out seven to five, and one where it came out twelve to fourteen. IT'S OVER! IKE IS CLASS PRESIDENT!
Kid #2: Wait, there's still that absent kid.
Fillmore: Yeah. If Carlos is absent, we have to wait for his vote.
Mr. Garrison: Oh, will you grow up?!
Filmore's Supporters: [clamoring] Absent kids count! Absent kids count!
Mr. Garrison: Jesus! Alright, we'll wait for tomorrow so the absent kid can cast his vote! Now go home! [the kids leave]
[South Park Elementary, hallway, next day.]
VSM471: Good morning, humons.
Stan, Kyle: Hey, Bill Cosby.
VSM471: I have successfully destroyed Eric Cartman's Trapper Keeper. I broke it apart, dipped the motherboards in acid, b*rned the memory chips, and sent the wiring to the four corners of Canada.
Kyle: That should do it.
Stan: So what are you going to do with your crappy robot life now, Bill Cosby?
VSM471: Well, that is a problem that is causing me some disconcernment. I am still here, but I shouldn't be here. If Trapper Keeper has been stopped, then I should not exist. But here I am. Something is still not right.
Cartman: [walks up with another Trapper Keeper] Hey, dudes.
Stan: Cartman! You still got a Trapper Keeper!
Cartman: Yeah, I'm a genius! Last night I went home and told my mom that I lost the last one. Then I cried and I cried, and finally she felt so bad that she took me to the store and bought me a NEW one! [holds it up high] So everything worked out.
VSM471: [frightened] Oh no!
Kyle: Cartman, you dumbass! You can't get a new one!
Cartman: Why the hell not?!
Stan: Because if your Trapper Keeper takes over the world, then maybe it was THIS Trapper Keeper and not the one before!
Cartman: Wait… sso then you guys b*rned my last one for no reason!
VSM471: We will have to destroy this Trapper Keeper.
Cartman: [holds his Trapper Keeper close] But I don't think I can get my mom to buy me another one.
Kyle: Don't you get it?! You can't have ANY Trapper Keeper, fatass!
Cartman: Oh, that is bullcrap! And you know what I think?! I think this whole thing is a SETUP! That's right! Kyle got this guy to say that he's a robot from the future just because he's jealous of my Trapper Keeper! And you know what else?! Screw you guys, I'm going home! [moves off to his left]
Stan: Cartman!
Cartman: Ech! Screw you guys, home! [walks away]
VSM471: Well, that does it! [pull out a pocket phaser from his overcoat and aims it at Cartman:]
Kyle: Hey! What are you doing?
VSM471: I'm afraid I have no other choice! [pulls the phaser back] For the sake of humanity I have to k*ll him.
Kyle: Oh. Okay.
Stan: Yeah, that's fine… ["Bill" aims the phaser once again] No, wait!
VSM471: What?!
Stan: Can I do it?
VSM471: Oh, well, I suppose… [tosses the phaser to Stan]
Stan: [takes it and quickly aims] Sweet! Kiss your ass goodbye, fatboy!
VSM471: Wait! [grabs it back] Perhaps there is another way. If you could take me to where Eric Cartman lives, I could try reasoning with his human mother.
Stan: Whoa. Yeah, or we could just k*ll him.
Kyle: Yeah, that'd be faster.
Stan: He's right there.
VSM471: I'm afraid I can't. I think I'm actually starting to feel what you humons call "compassion." It is an amazing feeling!
Stan, Kyle: AWWW!
[South Park Elementary, kindergarten. Mr. Garrison stands before the class and begins to speak]
Mr. Garrison: Alright children, as you know, we've been waiting for the absent kid's ballot to come in. Well, his mother was nice enough to bring him in from the hospital so that he could cast his vote. Ms. Harris? [she walks in with a little boy attached to a hospital walker.]
Boy: Here. [hands him the ballot and drops something…]
Mr. Garrison: [takes the ballot and notices the object on the floor] Thank you very much, Billy. Don't forget to pick up your lung. [Billy starts to walk away, then stops to pick it up] Alright, the absent kid's ballot is for… [reads] Fillmore.
Filmore's supporters: Yay, hooray. [Mr. Garrison adds Billy's vote to Filmore's tally]
Sally: Wait one minute!
Mr. Garrison: Oh, Jesus Tapdancing Christ!
Sally: I think the ballot were misleading. Some kids didn't understand whom they were voting for.
Mr. Garrison: There's a box next to Filmore's name and a box next to Ike's! What's not to understand?!
Filmore: [pointing at Sally] You're just saying that, 'cause you know you're gonna lose now!
Sally: No, I'm saying that because you are a boogerface!
Filmore: Well, just you wait, 'cause myuh famous aunt is on huh way wight now.
Mr. Garrison: Who's your famous aunt?
Filmore: My aunt Wosie, Wosie O'Donnell
Mr. Garrison: Your aunt Rosie O'Donnell is coming here?
Filmore: Yeah, she's vewy active in politics. So she's gonna set all this straight.
Mr. Garrison: [resigned] Oh no!
[The Cartman house, day, Cartman's room. Cartman sets the Trapper Keeper in a tray, then secures it onto a docking bay and plugs a cable into it.]
Trapper Keeper: Recharging.
Cartman: Sweet. You're so cool, Trapper Keeper. I would never let those assholes take you away.
I don't wanna wait for my Trapper Keeper forever
The ways of my Trap-
Trapper Keeper: Trapper Keeper, ready to ensorb. [cables reach out and grab Cartman monitor like a giant hand, and pull it towards the Trapper Keeper]
Cartman: Oh! Cool.
Trapper Keeper: Trapper Keeper, merging. [Cables reach out and grab a lamp and a Willikins Bear desk clock]
Cartman: [softly] Whoa.
[The Cartman house, day, dining room. "Bill" is seated at the head of the table, with Ms. Cartman and Kenny to his right, and Stan and Kyle to his left.]
VSM471: And so you see, Ms. Cartman, you cannot buy your son Eric another Trapper Keeper. Not now! Not ever!
Ms. Cartman: Right, because it will hybrid with all those other processors and generate a whole new era of technological darkness.
VSM471: Correct.
Ms. Cartman: Well, I certainly won't buy him anymore, then… Bill [starts flirting with him]
VSM471: Good. Now all that is left to do is destroy the Trapper Keeper Eric has now. Where is he?
Ms. Cartman: In his room. But, why don't I show you the rest of the house first? [pulls "Bill" from the chair.]
Stan: Uh oh.
Kyle: Here we go again.
Ms. Cartman: Come this way, Billy. [takes him away from the table]
Stan: Well, come on. Let's go upstairs and get Cartman's Trapper Keeper ourselves. [he and Kenny leave the table, with Kyle following]
[The Cartman house, day, Cartman's room. Cartman is getting friendly with his Trapper Keeper]
Cartman: …Kyle is just jealous of you, Trapper Keeper. You kick ass! I don't wanna let my Trapper Keeper get-
Stan: [knocks on the door] Open up, Cartman! We're taking your Trapper Keeper! [Cartman hops off his chair and dances to the door. He unlocks it and continues singing]
Cartman: Screw you guys, screw you guys. Screw you guys, scr-
Trapper Keeper: Trapper Keeper, ready to ensorb.
Cartman: Huh? [walks towards his computer]
Kyle: [in the hallway, pounds on the door] Damnit Cartman, open up!
Trapper Keeper: Trapper Keeper, ready for hybrid.
Cartman: Oh, sweet. What's it gonna hybrid with now? [cables come from the monitor and grab him, and he begins to groan]
Stan: [pounds on the door] Cartman, you might as well open up! We're just gonna have Bill Cosby bust the door down after he finishes having sex with your mom! [he and Kyle now notice the groans coming from the room]
Kyle: Cartman?? [inside, cables wrap tight around his face and go in, transforming his body into a grotesque hybrid, and the hybrid begins to grow] He's not gonna open it! Break it down!
Stan: You break it down!
Kyle: Okay. Ready? One Two Three, Not it!
Stan: Not it! You lose, Kenny. [he and Kyle quickly step out of the way]
Kenny: (Damn!) [goes to the far wall and then rushes the door, only to be plastered against the far wall…] (Hah!) […by the unhinged bedroom door being pushed out by the evolving Trapper Keeper. The boys are frozen in place with mouths open]
Stan: …Oh my God, they've k*lled Kenny!
Kyle: You ba- [the boys make a run for it down the hall and down the stairs as the Trapper Keeper oozes out of Cartman's room]
[The Cartman house, day, outside. The front door opens and Stan and Kyle rush outside and away.]
Stan, Kyle: AAAAAHHHH!!!! [the Trapper Keeper bursts through every window in the house and then the house begins to crumble around it. It collapses in on itself]
Trapper Keeper: Trapper Keeper. [moves away from the house, leaving "Bill" and Ms. Cartman in bed fully exposed to the elements]
Ms. Cartman: [on top] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!
[South Park Elementary, kindergarten. Mr. Garrison sits with the class around the table and hears some ominous noise]
Mr. Garrison: What the hell is that? [walks to the window and looks out] Oh my God! What is that thing?! Children, there's some huge bulbous monstrosity heading for the classroom! [some of the kids slink down in their seats] Oh my God, it's awful! It's coming for the door. [the doorknob turns and the kindergartners crouch in terror]
Rosie O'Donnell: Hello, kids!
Filmore: Aunt Wosie!
Mr. Garrison: [in a panic] Run for your lives, children! [grabs a bat] I'll try to fight it off!
Filmore: That's my aunt, Wosie O'Donnell.
Mr. Garrison: Oh. Oh, um. Pleasure to meet you, Miss O'Donnell. You're looking… well.
Rosie O'Donnell: Don't worry kids. Everythng's gonna be fine. What's the problem?
Filmore: Aunt Wosie. We think I won for class president.
Ike Supporter: No, Ike won.
Mr. Garrison: Look, it's very simple. We took a vote and the vote tied, so now we gotta come up with a way-
Rosie O'Donnell: Well it obviously isn't that simple, is it?! I mean, you'd think a little kindergarten teacher could've handled this, but now we're gonna do it my way!
Colorado Springs 20mi
Pueblo 75mi
Cheyenne Mountain
Secret Military Base 18mi
[South Park, outskirts. The Trapper Keeper enters the scene and demolishes the sign]
Trapper Keeper: [now with Cartman's voice] We are Trapper Keeper.
VSM471: [on a bluff with Stan and Kyle looking at the Trapper Keeper leave town] Oh no! It is heading for Cheyenne Mountain!
Kyle: Why is that bad?
VSM471: It was when the Trapper Keeper assimilated with the supercomputer at Cheyenne Mountain that it was able to fuse into all defensive computors!
Stan: Then we have to stop it before it gets there! [leads the others off the bluff and onto a waiting cruiser. "Bill" takes the wheel and Kyle takes the passenger window seat]
Kyle: Step on it, Bill Cosby! ["Bill" starts the cruiser and drives off]
[The road to Cheyenne Mountain. All is quiet. Two security guards wait at the entrance reading newspapers. The one wearing glasses looks up]
Guard 2: Hey Mark, look.
Mark: Wow. That is about the nicest Trapper Keeper I've ever seen. [a police siren is heard, and promptly "Bill" arrives with Stan and Kyle. They hop out of the car and face the Trapper Keeper.]
Stan: Cartman, you have to stop!
Trapper Keeper: We are Trapper Keeper. We are one.
VSM471: A part of your friend must still be alive in there. [the three of them study the Trapper Keeper from a distance until Stan finds a ventilation hose coming out of it. Smoke comes out of it, and a fart is heard]
Stan: He is in there.
VSM471: That must be what Trapper Keeper is using for ventilation. If one of you could get in there, you could reach the CPU
Stan: One-two-three not it!
Kyle: Not- Aw, Damnit! [walks up to the hissing hose and climbs in]
[The Trapper Keeper Interior. Kyle makes his way in and scrambles through a field of organs until he reaches another entrance. The valves open up and suck Kyle into a room bathed in light. Kyle floats in.]
Cartman: What are you doing, Kyle?
Kyle: I'm going to try and break you away from the computer, Cartman. I need to remove the CPU.
Cartman: I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Kyle.
Kyle: Screw you, fatass!
Cartman: Hey-eh, screw you.
Kyle: Cartman! [bounces off one of the walls]
Cartman: Ahh! [four metallic arms from all directions reach out to trap him, then six more organic ones come in to secure him]
Kyle: No!
[South Park Elementary, kindergarten. The kids run around arguing with each other and carry signs:]
AS LONG AS
IT TAKES GIVE UP Filmore
rules! We like
IKE!
Rosie O'Donnell: [sits on a chair with Filmore on her lap] Okay, so then what we're going to do is count everybody's vote by hand, and after that, we're gonna go over the votes again manually, and then-
Mr. Garrison: [throws a fit] Oh, STOP IT, STOP STOP IHIHIHIHIT! [the kids and Rosie look at him] Look kids, we're all in this kindergarten class together. We have to respect one another or else we're in for a terrible school year.
Rosie O'Donnell: We're just making sure that the kids that voted for my nephew don't get cheated.
Mr. Garrison: Half the kids in the class didn't vote for your nephew, so what about them? You don't give a crap about them because they're not on your side! People like you preach tolerance and open-mindedness all the time, but when it comes to Middle America, you think we're all evil and stupid country yokels who need your political enlightenment!! WELL, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ON TV DOESN'T MEAN YOU KNOW CRAP ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT!!! NOW GET YOUR ASS BACK ON FIRST CLASS AND RESPECT THIS CLASS'S RIGHT TO MAKE UP THEIR OWN MINDS!!! [Rosie and the kids gasp] …Oh, sorry I got a little off the subject, kids.
Rosie O'Donnell: How dare you?! I will not be preached at by a country bumpkin! [heads for the door and stands at the entrance] I'm leaving this podunk town, but in my place I'm gonna send more lawyers, statesmen and press than you have ever SEEN! [exits and slams the door shut]
Mr. Garrison: Oh no, children, I think I've just made this a whole lot worse.
[South Park, a red sunset. At Cheyenne Mountain the Trapper Keeper has spread itself over it and taken it over. A slimy appendage reaches out and grabs a phone both next to two ladies]
Ladies: Aaahh! [hurry away. The Trapper Keeper absorbs the phone booth, and another of its appendages goes after a patrol car]
Cops: Waaah! [hurry away. In the distance "Bill," the two security guards, and Stan watch Trapper Keeper get bigger and bigger. Behind them, the rest of South Park gathers and sees the spectacle]
Mark: Well that does it! I'm gonna have to report this! [whips out a walkie-talkie and starts] Cargo on to base- [another appendage reaches down and pulls him up and away] AAGH! [Trapper Keeper swallows him up]
VSM471: It is infusing with everything. It is already too powerful to stop!
Stan: Kyle's got to succeed. He's just got to.
[The Trapper Keeper Interior. Kyle struggles to make his way out of the little prison he's in]
Kyle: I can't reach the CPU.
[Cheyenne Mountain, outside. A limo speeds up to the scene and encounters the Trapper Keeper, which is beginning to look like the tower in "Bill"'s prophecy. Rosie O'Donnell pops out and walks up to it.]
Rosie: What are you doin'?! Get out of my way!
Guard 2: Oh no! Now there's two of those things!
Stan: No, I think that other thing is Rosie O'Donnell. [an indecisive appendage hovers over Rosie]
Guard 2: Huh? Which one? I- It's just like I'm seeing double.
Rosie: [to Trapper Keeper] I said, get out of my way! [another appendage wraps around her and tries to pull her in] AAAaaAAaaaagh! [Trapper Keeper swells and heaves, and the fleshy appendage swallows Rosie up] Ogh. Noo- [The appendage pulls her up and into Trapper Keeper]
Trapper Keeper: Eeww.
VSM471: Look! I think that infusing with Rosie O'Donnell has made Trapper Keeper sick.
Trapper Keeper: Oohh. Bad pie. Bad pie. [begns to deflate and wither. Its appendages wither and begin to drop off as it darkens]
Stan: This is your chance, Kyle! Cartman has weakened!
[The Trapper Keeper Interior. Cartman releases his hold on Kyle and Kyle drops to the floor. He quickly moves to the wall panel containing the CPU and pulls the CPU out along with some memory chips]
Kyle: Got 'em!
[Cheyenne Mountain, outside. Trapper Keeper turns into a big mass of goo, and the people trapped in it are spat out. Rosie ends up half-eaten. Everybody begins to approach the survivors]
Stan: He did it!
[South Park Elementary, kindergarten. The kids are seated around the round table, and their lawyers stand behind them arguing. Mr. Garrison sits at the head of the table listening]
Mr. Garrison: Okay, children, the lawyers for Ike's side have agreed with the lawyers on Filmore's side to hold another meeting regardng Form 22F. Do we all have that form? [the door opens, and in walks…]
Jesse Jackson: Is this the Kindergarten classroom?
Mr. Garrison: Jesse Jackson?
Jesse Jackson: That's right! I believe the African-American in your class were misrepresented!
Mr. Garrison: [covering his face] We don't have any African-Americans in our class!
Jesse Jackson: Oh. Bye. [turns and walks out. Filmore raises his hand]
Mr. Garrison: Alright, so apparently what we're gonna do now is hand-count each person's ballot-
Filmore: Mistoreh Garrison, I concede. [Mr. Garrison's jaw drops, as do those of Filmore's lawyers.]
Mr. Garrison: You… yuh, you what?
Filmore: I don't wanna play anymore, 'cause this game is stupid!
Sally: Yeah. It doesn't make any sense.
Filmore: Ike, you could be class president.
Ike: I pooped my pants!
Sally: [throws up her hands] Can we fingerpaint now?
Kids: [clamoring] Fingerpaint! Fingerpaint!
Mr. Garrison: Ohuh. Yes. [exults] Yes! Let's fingerpaint!
[Cheyenne Mountain, aftermath. Stan and the others reach Cartman and Kyle]
Stan: You did it, Kyle! [to Cartman] Kyle saved your life, fatass!
VSM471: Goodbye, humons. [begins to fade from view.] Oh, ogh! Oh, it hurts! [disappears]
Stan: Oh, that's a bitch.
Cartman: Ogh. Well, I guess everything's fine now. So let's go home.
Stan: Hey! Whoa whoa whoa, Cartman! All you've been doing is making fun of Kyle and now he's saved your life! You at least owe him a thank you!
Cartman: Awww man.
Stan: Cartman!
Cartman: Alright, alright. [sighs] Kyle, -
[End of Trapper Keeper] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x12 - Trapper Keeper"} | foreverdreaming |
[A stage, rehearsal, day. Stan, Kyle, and Wendy are in costume on stage. Stan is dressed in a white suit and bowtie, and a fake beard and moustache. Kyle is dressed as a country doctor with starched collar, and Wendy is dressed in white pants, purple coat and beret, and bowtie. The stage itself has a door prop and a tripod table with a bowl and jar atop it. Kyle enters through the door.]
Wendy: Doctor, doctor! Will our daughter be okay?
Kyle: I am sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Keller, but I'm afraid your daughter Helen still cannot see, hear, or speak.
Wendy: Oh no! NO!
Stan: 'Ere 'ere, my good wife, 'ere is nothing we can do.
Wendy: My poor little Helen.
Timmy: [enters through the prop door in blue dress and wig, and holding a doll - Helen Keller!] Timmiihhh!
Wendy: She can't see or hear us, John.
Timmy: Heh-aaaah, Timmih!
Stan: [very slurred - John Keller] E-yes. Perhaps she should go to an asyluh.
Cartman: [in the second front row, directing] Stan, what the hell is wrong with you? I can't understand your lines!
Stan: 'Cause the 'eard 'urts my 'ace.
Kyle: Can we take a lunch break now?
Cartman: No! If we want our play to be better than the kindergartners' play, we have to rehearse as much as possible! Now let's continue the scene!
Bebe: [enters the scene] Hello. My name is Anne Sullivan, and I believe I can teach this child to communicate.
Stan: Uh-eally? Uh you think so?
Bebe: [slaps some water from a pitcher into Timmy's right hand] Water, Helen! Waaa-terr!
Timmy: Agh oh-ight, Timmih!
Cartman: God-damnit, Timmy! Helen Keller isn't suposed to talk!
Butters: [a camera follows him to the auditorium at butt level; another camera shows him entering the room] Hey you guys! We got a big problem! [rushes onto the stage]
Kyle: What is it, Butters?
Butters: The kidnergartners! I just came from their dress rehearsal. Hoh, it's good, you guys. It's real good!
Cartman: How good?
Butters: They got Pilgrim outfits! And Indian ones, too! They've got singing and dancing and boy you've never seen such a show! Why, it's a Thanksgiving extravaganza!
Clyde Oh, no!
Kyle: We can't be outdone by the kindergartners!
Clyde: Oh, now what?
Stan: Oh yeah, we can't!
Cartman: Alright, alright! Quiet down! Look, we still got four days until the Thanksgiving festival; that's plenty of time to revamp our play!
Kyle: Revamp how? The rules are that the fourth grade class has to perform the Helen Keller Story.
Carrtman: Yeah, but nobody told us how we had to do it. We can have Thanksgiving stuff and music numbers, too.
Clyde: Well, we can add music numbers, but how do we make the Helen Keller story more Thanksgivingy?
Wendy: I know! How about, instead of a dog, Helen Keller has a pet turkey.
Token: Yeah, a turkey that could do tricks.
Kids: Yeah
Cartman: That's the spirit, g*ng! Alright. Stan and Wendy, you go out and find some musical instruments! Kenny and Clyde, take some kids and buy some Thanksgiving decorations for the set! Kyle and Timmy, you go out and find a turkey!
Kyle: Okay!
Cartman: This is gonna be the best version of the Miracle Worker ever!
Kids: Yay!
[a barn, with no snow around it. Cows are grazing on the grass outside. Inside, a rancher shows Timmy and Kyle around the barn.]
Rancher: What kind of turkey are you lookin' for?
Kyle: A smart one, that can do tricks.
Rancher: Well, I ain't got a whole lot left, it bein' almost Thanksgiving and all. [opens a turkey pen so the boys can see] Go ahead, just pick one out. [Timmy looks pleased, looks around, and settles on a deformed turkey which walks with its head against the ground]
Timmy: [apparently having chosen his turkey] Timmaay! [the turkey blinks at him]
Rancher: [notices the turkey] Oh, that one's a little messed up. Not exactly the… pick of the litter.
Timmy: Haaaaa!
Kyle: Uh, Timmy, if we back to the other kids with that turkey they're gonna be pissed!
Timmy: TIMMAY!
Rancher: Yeah. Best you not take that one. I was just about to take it out in the yard and putt a b*llet in its head.
Kyle: What?! Aw, dude, don't say that!
Timmy: T-TIIMMAY TIMMAY!
Kyle: Alright, we'll take him. How much?
Rancher: Fifty bucks.
Kyle: But you were just gonna take it out in the backyard and put a b*llet in its head!
Rancher: I know! Now I gotta find somethin' else to sh**t.
Kyle: [thinks] …God-damnit, here! [the rancher takes the money, walks over to get the turkey, and delivers the turkey to Timmy] Alright, Timmy, let's go! [Kyle and Timmy leave]
Rancher: I've got a one-legged pig if you'd like, too.
Kyle: Aw, blow it out your ass!
[The South Park Community Theatre. Here is where the class has been rehearsing for the play. The marquee reads: "THANKSGIVING EXTRAVAGANZA WEDNESDAY" Inside, Cartman has most of the kids on stage with a man…]
Cartman: Guys, I want you all to meet Jeffrey Maynard. He's South Park's biggest expert on musical theater, AND, he played the lead in Les Misérables at the Denver Community Playhouse for five weeks.
Kids: [flatly] Bravo.
Wendy: Do you think we could make up a good Thanksgiving play in four days?
Jeffrey Maynard: [lyrically] I would swear it on my life. Your play shall want for nothing.
Kids: Hooray!
Jeffrey Maynard: Now, the first thing a good musical needs is a big opening number. Something that sets up the entire show.
Cartman: Alright! Places, everybody! Bring in the turkey! [Timmy's turkey sidles in with its head on the ground. Kyle and Timmy follow] What the hell is that?
Kyle: It's a turkey. [long pause] His name is Gobbles.
Timmy: GOBBLES! [Gobbles gobbles]
Cartman: And where… pray… is our beautiful trick performing turkey?
Kyle: Um, we… sssort of spend all the money on this… one…
Timmy: GOBBLES! [Gobbles gobbles]
Cartman: [looks at Kyle for a long time] Kyle, can I talk to you over here for a second? [they walk off to one side of the stage and stop, out of earshot] Kyle? Why do you do these things to me?
Kyle: I didn't do anything to you. Timmy saw the turkey and wanted to get it. What do you want me to say to him?
Cartman: You say, "No, Timmy, you can't have that turkey! Bad Timmy!"
Kyle: [the rest of the cast approaches] Look, I know it isn't exactly what we wanted, but maybe we can train it.
?????: He's not gonna work, Kyle. The whole point was to make our play better than the kindergartners.
Token: Yeah, that turkey sucks.
Jeffrey Maynard: [lyrically] Wait! What's that, you say? A thanksgiving turkey is what you require? I know of a turkey.
Stan: You do?
Jeffrey Maynard: [lyrically] During my years on Broadway I… worked with a turkey who could do all kinds of tricks. She even jumped through a hoop of f*re.
Cartman: Cool! Can you get it for us?
Jeffrey Maynard: I will go promptly and call her trainer. On the morrow you shall have your trick performing turkey.
Kids: Alright! [Timmy takes Gobbles and wheels off stage]
[South Park, Timmy's house, night. Timmy is in his room with a hula hoop in hand, sitting on the floor]
Timmy: Gobbles! [shows him the hoop and points to it. Gobbles just blinks. Timmy tries again] Gobbles! [Gobbles blinks, then walks up to the hoop and lifts his head through it. Timmy is dismayed] Up, heh. Uh! [coaxes Gobbles through the hoop. Gobbles trips and falls out. Timmy grins] Heeey, Gobbles! [Gobbles gets up and walks away. Timmy pulls out a lighter and sets the hoop aflame] Gobbles. [Gobbles just stares and Timmy urges] Gobbles! [Gobbles poops]
[South Park, Cartman's house, night. Cartman is in his room rewriting a part of the play.]
Cartman; No no no! [tosse another sheet over his shoulder, to join other wads on the floor. His mother enters the room]
Liane: Boopsie-kins, It's late. You need to be in bed.
Cartman: I can't sleep, Mom! I have to write the lyrics for the opening song of our Helen Keller Thanksgiving spectacular!
Liane: Now, hon!
Cartman: [whining a bit] But [turns around] Mo-o-om, I have to write these lyrics so the plight of Helen Keller can be realized by the common man.
Liane: Twenty more minutes, and that's it. [exits and closes the door]
Cartman: [spins around and gets back to work] Twenty minutes! Does Tim Rice's mom give him twenty minutes to write the lyrics to "Phantom Of The Opera"?! [looks at a small portrait of Helen Keller on his desk, picks it up and studies it] Speak to me Helen. Let me be your voice. [after looking at the portrait some more, he gets frustrated and slams the portrait onto the desk] Come on, you blind bitch! Channel your spirit through me!
[South Park, Timmy's house. Timmy is in bed asleep. Soon, Gobbles hops up on the bed and drops his head on the covers. He slowly inches up to Timmy's face, looking at Timmy all the while, and settles in next to him. Gobbles soon falls asleep. Timmy's left hand comes to rest on Gobbles' body. An exterior sh*t with the moon low in the sky is shown and fades out.]
[The South Park Community Theatre, the stage, next day. rehearsal. Clyde is speaking under a spotlight]
Clyde: Tonight we present the story of a courageous girl and her fight against depression
Cartman: [in the audience] OP-pression!
Clyde: Oppression. Our play begins in a simpler time. [music comes up] Alabama, in the late 1800's [spotlight goes off, Clyde walks off stage, curtains open. A lone house stands against a desert background and clouds float high against the sky-blue backdrop. Dancing singers begin]
Actors: 1800's, Alabama! What a great place and time!
We're so happy that we live in 1800's Alabama 'cause it's sunny and there is no crime!
Jeffrey: [in the audience] Now to the refrain!
Actors: And in this little town in 1800's Alabama there's a family by the name of Keller!
[They dance off to one side of the house. A water pump appears]
Their daughter's deaf and mute and blind as a bat, and her parents can't even tell her!!
Lamond: [a man with a small animal cage enters] Excuse me, I am Lamond, the animal trainer.
Clyde: Oh. [quickly calls the others] Cool! He's here! [the other kids gather]
Cartman: Awesome! Do you have a turkey that can do tricks?
Lamond: Ap ap! Do not call them tricks! She's a very sensitive turkey! She performs feats, not tricks. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the most beautiful bird in America! [sets the cage down] Four-time prize winner of the National Western Stock Show and reigning poster child of turkeylovers.com! I give you Alinicia! [one serious turkey walks out of the cage, and the kids are impressed]
Cartman: Yeh.
Others: Wow.
Cartman: Whoa.
Bebe: Her feathers are beautiful.
Clyde That's the prettiest turkey I ever saw.
Lamond: Of course she is! [she looks back at the kids and thrusts her beak in the air]
Cartman: Okay! Now we can really get this thing underway! Places, everybody! [the kids move back…] Where the hell is Timmy?
Timmy: [off screen] TIM-MIH! [all turn and face him. He's in costume with Gobbles before him. Gobbles raises his head and gobbles]
Lamond: What… is… that?!
Cartman: Uh, that's Gobbles, the physically challenged turkey. [Timmy takes his lighter and sets his hoop on f*re, then lowers it for his bird]
Timmy: Gobbles! [Gobbles makes no move] Gobbles?!
Kyle: Timmy, we already got a turkey.
Clyde: Yeah, and it's from Broadway.
Timmy: [indicates his turkey] Gobbles.
Cartman: No, Timmy! Tha handicapped turkey does not go in our play!
Kyle: Dude, don't forget: Timmy is the only kid who can play Helen Keller. Don't piss him off.
Cartman: No, that's right. Only Timmy knows the part.
Timmy: [stubborn] Tim-mih.
Cartman: Oh, Jesus! Okay, fine! Helen Keller can have TWO pet turkeys! [Alinicia protests vigorously, shedding feathers everywhere]
Lamond: My turkey does not work with other turkeys!
Cartman: Oh, God-damnit, now what are we gonnan do?!
[The South Park Community Theatre, later. Hallway outside a dressing room. The door opens and Lamond stands there trying to calm Alinicia down]
Lamond: Alright, ah ah alright! Alri- ah a-alright. Alright. [exits and closes the door]
Cartman: [walks up] Dude, we need your turkey for our play!
Lamond: She's not coming out. She's very upset! She's pooped all over the room!
Cartman: I know, I know, but listen: uhlet me try to explain the position I'm in here. The ret*rd turkey belongs to our friend, Timmy. And Timmy's the only person who knows the part of Helen Keller. So, so tell me what I can do here to make everybody happy?
Lamond: [ominously] k*ll the other turkey!
Cartman: I can't dude. Timmy has a boner for it.
Lamond: Well, it could meet with "an unfortunate accident."
Cartman: Unfortunate accident? You mean, like Geena Davis getting her own TV show? [laughs, but realizes he's alone in this] Oh.
Lamond: It's very simple! Either that turkay meets with an unfortunate accident, or you don't have a feat-performing turkey for your Helen Keller Thanksgiving musical!
Cartman: Alright, alright! Just get your turkey to stop crapping all over the dressing room and come out for rehearsal! I'll take care of everything. [walks off]
[The South Park Community Theatre, the stage, later. Bebe and Timmy are front and center while the others stand in a row in the background]
Bebe: [enunciating] Water, Helen. It has a name. Oh, why can't you understand?
Timmy: Dehh haaa. [unimpressed looks from Cartman, Jeffrey, and Lamond]
Bebe: Water, Helen, Water.
Kids: She's never gonna do it. There's no way she'll ever do it.
Bebe: Helen, Helen. Water, Helen.
Kids: How can she talk if she can't hear? This is absolutely pointless!
Cartman: Okay, uh, hold it. Uh, let's hold it right there a second. [whisks himself onstage] Okay, I just want to adjust the blocking real quick. Hm-let's see. Uh, why don't we have Turkey #2 [starts moving Gobbles along] stand just a little bit more over… [puts it behind the Comedy Cemtral logo] here. [mulls over the position] Let's see, maybe a little more up in here. [moves it a bit towards stage center] And just a wee bit over here. [Gobbles is back behind the logo, a bit] And right about… [moves Gobbles a bit back] hm'ere. [steps back] There we go. Good. [goes off stage. A cable whips out of place somewhere. A lighting fixture falls on Kenny and kills him]
Stan: Oh my God, they've k*lled Kenny!
Jeffrey: Whoa-aaaa [dances away]
Cartman: Aw, crap! I must've rigged the wrong light!
Jeffrey: [onstage, walks up to Kenny's corpse, then gets lyrical] Let him rest in peace. Let him rest. Why must he die?
Butters: [a camera follows him to the auditorium at butt level; another camera shows him entering the room] They've got special effects! [Jeffrey continues singing in the background]
Kyle: What Butters? [Butters meets the others onstage]
Butters: The kindergartners! They've got amazing stage effects. Pyrotechnics and what have yous. Why, it's a regular feast for the eyes!
Wendy: Oh, no!
Clyde: We're never gonna outdo them now! [the kids begin to chatter amongst themelves]
Token: But what are we gonna do?
Cartman: [Jeffrey continues his dirge] Calm down! Calm down! We can have special effects, too. Now, I know a lot is going wrong, but we've got to stick together to make this play work! [looks at Lamond] All of us! [Lamond crosses his arms]
Jeffrey: —and into your hands [the kids now pay attention to him] uh he… buh… [hums, then stops singing, stares, then gets up and walks offstage]
[The South Park Community Theatre, the stage, later. Timmy is in another hallway trying to get Gobbles to hop through the hoop]
Timmy: Gobbles! [Gobbles lifts his head and drops it away from Timmy] Hu-ugh, Gobbles! [they hear the door open. Timmy puts the hoop away and gathers Gobbles on his lap]
Lamond: [peeks in] Little boy.
Timmy: [spins around] Timmy.
Lamond: Yes, Tim. I feel I must speak with you. [walks up to Timmy] The others, well, they don't want you to know, but, oh, I don't know what to do. Should I tell you?
Timmy: T-Timmih? [a bit afraid]
Lamond: I feel I'm the only one who can be honest with you. [genuflects next to Timmy] The animal shelter is on its way to…take your turkeyy away from you.
Timmy: Gobbles? [scared]
Lamond: You see, they don't allow children in your… situation… to have wild animals as pets. You can't take him running, you can't take care of him. They… have to take it away.
Timmy: Gobbles!
Lamond: They take wild pets away from people like you… and hand them over for experiments. And they're shocked, dissected, and falyed while thery're still alive. And no matter where you go, the shelter people will find you. The only way for that turkey to avoid years of t*rture is for you to… let him go. Back into the wild. [listens for something] Oh no! Here they come now! [two men round the corner] Quick, go! And set your turkey free! I'll try to stall them.
Timmy: [turns and wheels away from the oncoming men] T-tim-mih.
Installer: Eh, excuse me, we're here to install the water effects for the musical?
Lamond: Uh, the stage is right through there.
Installer: Thanks. [he and his partner walk towards the stage. Lamond looks after them as they leave]
[South Park, Cartman's house, night. Cartman is at his desk in his room rewriting a song.]
Cartman: Alright, got to write the new lyrics. Lemme see. [writes] no [writes] No. [writes] NO! [writes] God-damnit [takes the sheet and squeezes it into a wad]
Jeffrey: [enters the room] How is it going, Eric?
Cartman: Terrible! [turns and faces Jeffrey] I can't write the lyrics for the third act! Nothing's coming to me.
Jeffrey: Well, you know in theater sometimes, we try different tricks to get the creative juices flowing.
Cartman: Like what?
Jeffrey: Let's see. [closes the door behind him] Helen Keller was blind and deaf. [walks to Cartman's side desk] Perhaps you should see what it is like. Deprive yourself of your senses and see what plays inside your mind. Here. [turns Cartman around and puts a blindfold on him.]
Cartman: Hey, that's not a bad idea.
Jeffrey: [puts some headphones on him] Just relax. Just try to let your mind wander and let the juices flow… [a long pause. then a series of images present themselves]
[First, the portrait of Helem Keller. Then nothng. Then Helen Keller again, then a banana split, then Helen again, then a human skull. Cartman is disturbed. Then Helen, the skull, another skull, Helen, a mummy whose hair moves a bit, b*mb dropping from planes, a sinister clown, the banana split, a body being prepped for opeartion, the banana split, a wall with "GO d*ad BE d*ad" written in blood on it, a Russian show of military might, Helen, animals tearing at something, a riot, a close-up of a snake, an atomic b*mb test, a lasik experiment. Cartman. The first skull, "GO d*ad BE d*ad", the skull, the experiment, the skull, the experiment, a woman wailing in the flames, open-heart surgery, a rat eating a d*ad rat, the banana split, a mouth being pulled open, Helen, a n*zi troop march, a fireman in an inferno, the Hindenberg bursting in flame, an alien opening its mouth and the camera zooms in… Cartman takes the blindfold and headphones off]
Cartman: Oh, man!
Jeffrey: Well, did you see anything?
Cartman: No, just the same old crap I always see when I close my eyes.
Jeffrey: …Oh, that's too bad.
Cartman: Wait. I've got it! The perfect setup for when Helen Keller's pet turkey jumps through the hoop of f*re! [starts writing furiously] Yes! Yes! I have it now!
[South Park, residential street, day. Timmy rolls along dejected and turns to anothr street. He remembers what Lamond said as he rolls]
Lamond: [his head appears beside Timmy] The only way for that turkey to avoid years of t*rture is for you to… let him go… [fades as it echoes] let him go… let him go…[the head disappears]
Timmy: [stops and lets Gobbles go] Gobbles! [points away so Gobbles could leave. Gobbles moves his head in that direction, but nothng else] Gobbles!! [turns around and rolls away. Gobbles follows him and gobbles. Timmy turns around again and face Gobbles] Gobbles. Gobbles! [points away again, turns and rools away. Gobbles followss ome more] Timmih. [a tear appears in his eye] Timmih, Gobbles. [turns away and rolls off, leaving Gobbles alone. The camera pulls back and moves to the first house on the right side. A man and son sit on their doorway]
Boy: Daddy, why did Mommy leave and go to heaven?
Father: She didn't want to, Kevin. She… had no choice.
Boy: But I miss her. [father and son start to cry. The camera moves to a bench on which two men sit]
Elderly man: [his middle-aged son comforts him] I could have so much more with my life, son. I've wasted it. I've wasted it, not ever telling you and Mark that I love you. [both men start to cry. The camera moves to a girl crying over a d*ad dog.]
Girl: Robby! Robby, no! [cries uncontrollably. The camera moves to a couple in discord. the woman is sad]
Woman: …Because now, every time I look at you [he tries to console her], I see her! [she swats his arm away] I have to move on.
Man: Kelly, please. Don't do this. I'm sorry.
Kelly: Then why did you do it?? [breaks down and sobs]
Man: I don't know! [beings to cry, too, and rests his head on her shoulder. The camera moves to a lady with something to say]
Lady: Have you done the right things in your life? [the camera looks up into the sky as it fades into night]
[The South Park Community Theatre, Wednesday, play day. The parents arrive and take seats. Mrs. Marsh finds Mrs. Broflovski siiting in the audience already, and walks up to her]
Sharon: Hi, Sheila.
Sheila: Hello, Sharon. Where's your husband?
Sharon: Oh, he's in the back. He set up a video camera so he can tape the performance.
Sheila: Oh, so did Gerald. [indeed, all the husbands are in the back of the theatre with video cameras at the ready]
Gerald: Oh yeah, I got a great angle here.
Randy: Ey, Gerald, maybe after the show we can make copies of each other's tape so we have both.
Gerald: Good idea.
[The South Park Community Theatre, stage. The kids mill around backstage]
Kyle: So wait. Do we do that spin-around thing on the last b*at?
Stan: No, it's on the 'en or the 'ay. [Timmy rolls slowly in ]
Kyle: You ready for the big show, Timmy?
Stan: Where's Gobbles, Timmy?
Timmy: Gobbles.
Cartman: [cheerfully] Alright everybody, let's take our places!
Kyle: Cartman, where's Timmy's turkey?
Cartman: I don't know. [Stan and Kyle cross their arms] I don't know, you guys! Alright, maybe I tried to have Timmy's turkey crushed by a stage light, but I didn't do anything else. I'm not an assh*le.
Lamond: You're going to be brilliant, you sexy, gorgeous turkey. With that other meddling animal out of the way, you'll steal the show! [Alinicia gobbles]
[South Park, business district, day. Gobbles walks along the curb as cars zip by, then decides to cross the street. A car zips be and Gobbles steps back. The camera angle shows Gobbles' view of the car that almost ran over him]
Driver: [walks up to collect Gobbles] Well, well, what are doing out here? [picks him up] You shouldn't be out walking the streets. [opens his truck, tosses Gobbles in, and rushes to the cab of the truck. The side of the truck reads, "Uncle Joe's Fresh Turkey. Succulent and Juicy Turkeys," with a plump turkeyy in the background. The driver takes off quickly]
[Uncle Joe's Fresh Turkey truck, trailer section. Gobbles finds himself along near the doors and looks up to see a group of turkeys looking back at him. Then the turkeys look up, and Gobbles does also. What they see is a sign that reads, "Thanksgiving Turkey. k*lled Humanely." Gobbles looks at the turkeys, who look back, and then drops his head]
[The South Park Community Theatre, stage. Mr. Garrison is present to introduce the show.]
Mr. Garrison: Hello, parents, and welcome to the 13th annual South Park Thanksgiving Pageant.
Mr. Mackey: [bored, rests his head on his hand] Every year the fourth graders do "The Miracle Worker," and every year I have to sit and watch it.
Principal Victoria: Yeah, I swore that if I had to see it one more time, I'd put a b*llet in my head. [demonstrates with her finger] But luckily I got really stoned before I came.
Mr. Garrison: And now, here it is. The touching story of Helen Keller, "The Miracle Worker." [walks off. The parents are seen clapping, and then the curtains open up to reveal kids dancing and doing acrobatic feats]
Kids: Helen Keller, Helen Keller, blind as a bat.
She can't hear us speak. What's up with that?
Sheila: This is "The Miracle Worker"?
Sharon: I… well… maybe. [more dancing follows]
Principal Victoria: Oh, oh, haha. Wow.
[Uncle Joe's Fresh Turkey factory. The truck backs up to building 2B and dumps its cargo into a chute. The turkeys tumble down into a holding room and recover. Gobbles ends up there and looks up at a sign: "Our Turkeys are k*lled… HUMANELY!!!"]
Wrangler: [a vertical door rises and he directs the turkeys] Come on. Yaah! Move it!
[the turkeys leave the room and enter another one. A movie screen faces them. Another worker appears and closes the door behind the turkeys. The turkeys remain excited until a movie comes up with sweeping views of nature. The turkeys calm down, and a view of clouds zipping along the sky follows. Then waterfalls. The lights come up and a giant saw comes out and chops the heads off all the turkeys save one. The saw rises. Only Gobbles survives, and he keeps his head low as he finds a clearing. A large board appears and pushes the decapitated turkeys out an opening on the opposite wall. The bodies are then lifted up and returned to the truck they came in, but the building they come out of is 3C. Gobbles falls off the truck and ends up on the floor. Jimbo and other South Park hunters pass by and notice]
Jimbo: Holy crow. Look, boys! A real live wild turkey! [Gobbles sees the hunters and tries to run away.] It's tryin' to outsmart us! Come on, fellas! [they pursue Gobbles]
[The South Park Community Theatre, stage. The audience watches as Wendy]
Wendy: John, come quick! Our little baby's very sick
[Stan rushes in]
When I pout she doesn't flinch, and when she doesn't move an inch.
Stan: No, that cannot be. Honey you are scaring me.
Wendy: She can't see hear, John. Watch. Helen!
Stan: Helen!
Wendy: …Helen! [the audience stares in disbelief]
I think our baby's deaf and blind. Oh no!
Stan: Oh no! [they lean on each other]
Wendy: Oh no! Oh no!!! [both collapse to the floor, and the curtains close. Alinicia trots in and gets the spotlight. She then performs her feats. She hops up on a small stand, walks a tightrope, and hops off the stand at the other end. She hops through a hoop and lands on a thrid stand, then pulls the cover off a sign introducing the next scene: "Scene 2, Eight Years Later" and takes a bow. A few people clap]
[The South Park Community Theatre, backstage. Timmy and Lamond watch Alinicia perform.]
Lamond: She's brilliant! Everyone loves her so far. [the two workers approach him]
Cartman: [rushes up] Hey, the fountains you guys installed are shorting out some of our lights.
Installer: Look, we're only here to do the water effects. We're not in charge of electrical. That's a different union.
Timmy: [looks at Cartman] Timmih?
Cartman: Union Mafia bastards! [Timmy looks at Lamond in fear]
Lamond: Oh, heh. Look, Tim, all is well in love and theatre, right? Haha.
Timmy: [throws off his wig and turns to wheel away] Gobbles!! [zips out]
[The South Park Community Theatre, stage. Cartman rushes up to the other kids]
Cartman Were is Timmy?! He's on in one minute!
Kyle: He's gone, dude! Butters says he saw him leave.
Cartman: Leave?? Leave?? But nobody else knows the part of Helen Keller!
Jeffrey: [approaches the boys] I do. I know the part. If I must, I can go on.
Cartman: …Alright, fine! Get in costume!
[South Park, business district, day. Timmy wheels down the street past Tele's calling out…]
Timmy: Gobbles! Gobbles!
[The barn. Gobbles returns to his prior home, and the hunters follow him there]
Jimbo: [prepares his r*fle] There it is! [three other men prepare their r*fles] Hey, hey! I saw it first! I get the first sh*t! [aims his r*fle and spots the turkey] Here, turkey turkey. [focuses on the turkey]
[The South Park Community Theatre, stage. Stan, Kyle, Wendy, and Jeffrey are in costume]
Wendy: There is nothing we can do for our poor daughter. We cannot reach her.
Jeffrey: [lyrically] I cannot hear what they are saying. I cannot tell them how I feel.
Cartman: What the hell is he doing? Helen Keller isn't supposed to sing!
Jeffrey: If only I could say things that go on in my mind.
Principal Victoria: [touched] Oh, wow.
[The barn. Jimbo still has Gobbles in his sights]
Jimbo: That's it. Thaaat's it! [about to pull the trigger]
Timmy: Gobbles! [sees Jimbo and is alarmed]
Jimbo: Gotcha!
Timmy: [Slow motion, jumps out of his chair and dives towards] Gobbles! [flies through the air. Jimbo fires his r*fle, and Timmy falls on the floor limp. Jimbo sees what he's done, and all the hunters lower their r*fles. Gobble's head pops up behind Timmy. The other hunters whistle and move away slowly, leaving Jimbo and Ned alone. Gobbles walks up to Timmy and nudges him] T-timmih? [Gobbles pokes him] Gobbles? [slowly comes to, then quickly sits up] Gobbles! Haaaah. [brushes himself off and gathers Gobbles up in his arms]
Jimbo: [rushes up to Timmy] Aw, thank God you're alright, kid. [goes down on one knee] It was an accident, I swear. Uh, is there any way we can make it up to you?
Timmy: [determined] Timmih.
[The South Park Community Theatre, stage. Bebe, and Jeffrey are in costume. Bebe pumps water onto Jeffrey's hand]
Bebe: Yes, that's it. [Jeffrey keeps his hand under the water] That's it, Helen. Water! WA-TER!
Jeffrey: Wawa.
Bebe: She did it!
Kids: [in the background, come forward] She did it! She did it! Water! Water water aaaaaaaa!
Water, Helen, Water.
We can't believe she did it.The dumb kid really did it.
Water, Helen, Water.
Jeffrey: Now that I can communicate the world is not so cold and dark. [Cartman slaps his head and the waterworks begin]
Kids:
[slowing]
Water, Helen, Aaa-aaaaaa!
[the waterworks go up real high and two fountainheads crash into each other]
Lamond: [prepping Alinicia] Here it comes, angel! Your big finale! The audience is going to go wild! [a shadow enters the scene and Lamond looks up. He sees Gobbles and an angry Timmy with arms crossed glaring at him] Oh. Back already? Don't worry. Maynard covered your part flawlessly.
Timmy: Timmih! [the hunters gather and take aim at Alinicia]
Jimbo: Turkey sh**t! [the hunters f*re away and decimate Alinicia. Her blood spurts all over Lamond, who shields his eyes.]
Lamond: [He falls on one knee at the horror] Alinicia! Jesus, no!
Timmy: Aaaa, Timmih!
Cartman: [walks up with Kyle] Okay, we're ready for the- [stops in his tracks and stares at the d*ad Alinicia.] What the hell did you assholes do?! This is supposed to be the big finale where the turkey jumps through the ring of f*re!
Kyle: [steps forward and points] Hey, look! [onstage, Gobbles approaches the ring of f*re and steps through it. The kids grin immedately]
Principal Victoria: [in awe] Oh. Oh, wow! WOWuh! [starts to clap. The audience soon follows]
Cartman: [exults] They loved it! They LOVED it!
Timmy: Gobbles!
[The South Park Community Theatre, stage, night. Mr. Garrison is onstage to introduce the last skit of the night]
Mr. Garrison: And finally tonight, parents, we have the South Park Kindergarten class. Their play is titled, "Thanksgiving, Mon Ami."
Stan: Okay, here we go. [the kids are still backstage, but in their street clothes]
Kyle: Dude, it just can't be better than ours. It just can't be.
Kindergartners:
[four little pilgrims enter singing to a long table in front of a cabin and a tipi]
It's getting dinner. Let's all eat.
E I E I O.
And on that dinner we'll invite some Indians
E I E I O.
[four little Indians appear and take their seats at the table]
With an Indian here and an Indian there
Everywhere an Indian, Indian. Uh thank, thank-
[something pops by the middle of the table…]
Pilgrim Girl: [runs off] Aaaaaaa!
Kindergartners: Happy Thanksgiving. [another kindergartner wheels a horse prop onstage. The curtains then close]
Mr. Garrison: Alright, see you next year, parents. [a hush falls over the audience and the actors backstage]
Cartman: That's it?
Stan: We worked our asses off to compete with that?!
Kyle: Butters told us their play was awesome! [the kids move away from Butters a bit]
Butters: …Wow, did you see that? They had a horse, too!
Timmy: Gobbles, deh!
[End of Thanksgiving Special] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x13 - Helen Keller, The Musical"} | foreverdreaming |
[The camera pans across a nicely appointed study, rests a bit, and "SOUTH PARK classics" appears on screen as a classical piece plays]
A British Person: [seated in an armchair reading a book] Aaah. [looks at the camera] Dickens. The imagery of cobblestone streets, cragging London buildings, and nutmeg-filled Yorkshire puddings. [closes the hbook] Hello, I'm a British person. For years now, the character Pip has been featured prominently in the American show, South Park. However, many Americans don't realize where Pip came from. He's the prowling little adorable Englishman from Charles Dickens' timeless classic, "Great Expectations" [displays the title] And so tonight, the makers of South Park have agreed to take a break from their regular show, and instead present the prestigious Dickens tale in its entirety from beginning to end. Indeed, after watching this show, you'll know the timeless classic as if you'd… read the Cliff Notes themselves. Our story is set in England, in the small town of Drop-A-Chair-Upon-Top-Snot, [the town is now shown, with Pip walking up the street from a distance] where a young blond-haired boy named Pip was on his way to see his parents.
[Drop-A-Chair-Upon-Top-Snot, day. Pip leaves the town, crosses an open field, enters an enclosed lot and stops right in front of the camera]
Pip: [holding a bunch of flowers] 'Ello Mom. 'Ello Dad. It certainly is nice to see you again. [before him are two tombstones. They are of his parents, Phillip and Georgina Pirrup. Pip is in the town graveyard.] Don't worry. Sister is still taking very good care of me. She just loves to smack me in the face and tell me I'm worthless. O, we have such fun together. [a wind comes up and begins to howl. Pip takes notice] But it's getting dark, Mom and Dad. I'll see you again soon. [walks off, but there's a fear in him as he walks through the graveyard. He has his hands in his coat pockets. He is snatched up from behind] Wa-a-ah!
Ex-Convict: Wha' are you doin' 'ere, you little whippersham!
Pip: [fearless] Oh, hello. Why, you look like an escaped convict. Did we breaky-wakys out of prison? [the surprised man lets him down] Oh dear! But you're shackled. Here, let me help you. [whips out some bolt cutters]
Ex-Convict: Wha' are you doin' wit' those?
Pip: I'm an apprentice blacksmith. [snips the arm and leg shackles in two] There you are. [puts the bolt cutters away and whips out some food] And here's a sandwich. You must be starving! [the man takes the sandwich, then walks away]
Ex-Convict: [stops and turns] Here. W-why are you easy to help me?
Pip: Well, it's not for me to judge you, sir. We are all the same. [the man turns and walk oway] Don't quite outmart this thing, I'm afraid. [walks out of the graveyard towards his residence, a rambling one-story shack. The sound of smithing is heard in the background]
Mrs. Joe: [sees him enter and grabs hm by the scarf] Pip, where 'ave you been?!
Pip: Waaah! [is whipped towards the opposite wall, which he hits hard, but he recovers instantly] Lovely day, isn't it?
Mrs. Joe: What the hell's lovely about it?! [to someone else - a burly man working on soem metal] Joe, teach this boy some bloody cynicsim!
Joe: I don't know about that. I just thought I'd keep to me blacksmithing. [looks at his project] Ey, look! I've made me a metal f*re poker. [holds it up]
Mrs. Joe: A lot of bloody good a f*re poker's gonna do while I'm starvin' to death! Why don't you make us some bloody food to eat!
Joe: [finishes another item and sets down his hammer] Alright. Look 'ere, I made me a metal orange. [shows it off]
Mrs. Joe: STOP your metal orange, you bastard! You never want a tablespoon of nigh'ingale droppin's, you me'al-poundin' fairy! [Pip is shown] And you! Why don't you ge' a job?! You're eight years old now!
Joe: [finishing yet another project] Oh, lookie heeah! [holds up a newspaper] I've gone and made a metal newspaper!
Mrs. Joe: Shut up, you silly lip! What are we supposed to do with a metal newspaper?
Joe: Well, for starters we can look in the want ads and see if we can find Pip a job. Ohhh, lookie here! Young man wanted for paid position!
Mrs. Joe: Where? [Joe shows her the paper]
Pip: Where?
Mrs. Joe: "Havesham residence seeks young boy to play with lonely daughter. Will pay up to…" TWENTY QUID A DAY??
Pip: That's a lot of [hops] money-loney.
Joe: You can keep a little girl company for 20 quid a day, Pip. And Old Mrs. Havesham is the wealthiest woman in the town. [Mrs. Joe walks away]
[The Havesham Residence is shown from the gates, next day.]
[The South Park Classics study. The British is seated in an armchair reading a book]
A British Person: Well, the very next day, Pip went to Old Ms. Havesham's house to inquire about the job. [Pip rings the door bell pulley at Havesham Estate, then a sh*t of A British Person] and it was there that he met the girl of his dreams.
[A girl approached the gate at the Havesham Residence. She's got flowing blonde hair and a bowler for a hat]
Girl: Who are you?! [there's venom in her voice]
Pip: …I've come to answer the want ad.
Girl: Is that so, you smelly little bastard?!
Pip: [jarred] What??
Girl: [opens the gate and lets him in] This way, you pathetic squirt of vaginal discharge! [leads him to the entrance and through the front doors, then to their left] This way, you beef-witted shriveled-up monkey's penis. [leads himup the grand stairway] Up here, you gamy mass of baby vomit! [the place suffers from neglect, as spiderwebs hang from the chandeliers and walls around the mansion. The windows are covered over with paper. The girl leads Pip down the hall upstairs] In here.
Pip: Eho. After you, miss.
Girl: I'm not going in there, you stupid puddle of a homeless man urine!
[The Havesham Estate, upstairs. Pip enters a grand dining room in which everything is covered, and has been for a long time. He scans the room until a voice gets his attention.]
Ms. Havesham: [an elderly lady still in wedding veil] Who is that?
Pip: I've come to answer the want ad, ma'am.
Ms. Havesham: [beckons] Come closer. Look at me. [Pip closes the door and approaches] Does it frighten you to look upon a woman who has not seen the sun in over 20 years?
Pip: Oh, no, no! You you sort of look upon one when you have not seen the sun for over 20 years quite a lot these… days.
Ms. Havesham: I sometimes have sick fancies. [puts her hands together] And I have a fancy I should like to see someone play. So, play. Play.
Pip: [not sure what she wants] Um. [begins to dance. The girl enters, glances at him, then continues to Ms. Havesham]
Ms. Havesham: Estella, play with this boy.
Estella: [the blonde girl] With HIM? [Pip dances faster] But he's just a commoner!
Ms. Havesham: [leans over and whispers] But, you can break his heart.
Estella: …Alright, boy, let us play.
Pip: Righty-o. What are we going to play?
Estella: [walks over to a wood pile, gets a log, and brings it with her] We're going to play a little game called, "Smack the Blond Boy In the Head With a Large Log."
Pip: [hops excitedly] Oh, yes! My sister and I play that game at home all the time! [gladly bows to Estella] Who will go first? [Estella is taken aback by this gesture, as is Ms. Havesham]
Estella: [frustrated] Oh, you stupid pathetic boy! [drops the log and rushes out of the room unnerved. Pip looks up quizzically]
Ms. Havesham: What do you think of her?
Pip: Well, uh… I think she's very pretty.
Ms. Havesham: Hm-m-m. What else?
Pip: I think she's rather insulting.
Ms. Havesham: Hm, you quite fancy her, don't you? Come back again next week. We shall "play" some more. [Pip turns and exits the room.]
[The blacksmith's house, night. Pip returns to his sister's place and gets ready to bed for the night. He falls asleep]
A British Person: [Off-screen] That night, Pip spent all his sleeping hours unable to get Estella's beautiful face out of his mind.
Dream Estella: Stop dreaming about me, you slow-witted rectal belch!
A British Person: Day after day Pip visited Estella. Sometimes they would play, sometimes they would talk. But every single day Pip's love for Estella grew.
[The Havesham Estate, garden, day. Estella is whacking Pip over the head with her log. Twice she does it, then tries a third time, but can't]
Pip: [stands up straight] Don't you wanna play anymore?
Estella: [tosses her log away] Boy, do you still think I'm pretty? [draws near]
Pip: Oho. Well, yes, miss.
Estella: And, do you still think I'm insulting?
Pip: Oh, um, not so much as before. [slapped by Estella] Ow!
Estella: I hate you! You're an oozing, painful hemorrhoid that belches pus!
Pip: [exasperated. puts hands in coat pockets] Oh, dear.
Estella: You may kiss me if you like. [offers her cheek. He looks, then kisses her on the cheek. She softens, and a moment later] Come. Let us walk in the daisy garden. [she leads him past a fountain in which a boy is splashing about merrily]
A Boy: Oh, what fun it is to splash about in the fountain! [points at Pip] You there, the prowling little boy! I bet you can't jump on my back! [shows Pip his back] Go on, then. Try and jump on my back!
Pip: Who is that?
Estella: Just another playmate hired to amuse me. You didn't think you were the only one, did you?
Pip: Oh I… rather thought I was.
Estella: Oh, you silly small-testicled boy. Come, let us walk through the rose garden. [takes his hand and leads him onward]
[The Havesham Estate, exterior. The camera looks at the second floor, focusing on Ms. Havesham]
Ms. Havesham: Yes, good. She will break his pathetic heart into a million pieces.
[The South Park Classics study. The British Person resumes narrating]
A British Person: Well, what a spot poor Pip was in. He was hired to be the friend of the very harsh and beautiful Estella. And although she treated him like dirt, or perhaps because she treated him like dirt, Pip found himself more in love with the little girl each and every day. [excitedly] Oh, bless him! Isn't he lovely?? [the cheer vanishes] But, isn't it sad? Because Pip knew that someone as sophisticated and as wealthy as Estella could never love him, for he was just a simple blacksmith's apprentice.
[The blacksmith's house, night. Joe is working on another creation. Pip watches]
Joe: [hammering away] And so you bang on this side, and bang on that side, and there you have it. [holds up some steel dice and hands them to Pip.] Your very own metal fuzzy dice.
Pip: [takes the dice] Yes. I see. [walks to a chair and sits in it] Hoh, lovely.
Joe: Eeyyyy, what's all this, Pip?
Pip: Joe, do you know anything about girls?
Joe: [resumes hammering] Sure! They're those things with vaginas in them.
Pip: [blank look then] But, do you anything about them? About how they work.
Joe: [pauses and looks back at Pip] Oh, I don't know about that. I just like to keep to me blacksmithin'. [begins to hammer more vigorously]
Pip: Do you think that a girl who is rich and educated would ever want to be with a blacksmith?
Joe: Oh. D'ooooh. No, I don't think so, Pip. [a knock is heard at the door] Who could that be? [goes to answer the door. A lawyer, with cane and tall hat, addresses him]
Lawyer: Joe, the blacksmith?
Joe: The same.
Lawyer: I'm a lawyer from London in search of a young lad named Pip.
Pip: I'm Pip, sir.
Lawyer: Mr. Blacksmith, I've been sent here to offer you a reasonable sum of money in exchange for your apprentice. [walks over to Pip]
Joe: Oh, well, uh Pip's not for sale, sir.
Lawyer: I have a client who wishes to give this bright child a future. Anything he desires. [Joe approaches] Do you still object?
Joe: Heaven forbid I should stand in the way of Pip's future, but-
Lawyer: He will one day inherit a handsome property. But the owner of that property wants him first to travel to London and learn to be a gentleman.
Joe: That's great news! [Pip grins]
Lawyer: There's only one condition, Pip. Your benefactor wishes to remain anonymous
Pip: Oho. But it must be Ms. Havesham!
Lawyer: OH OH! If you have any suspicion of who that person might be, you are to keep it in your own breast. Understood?
Pip: Yes sir.
Lawyer: Then you will go to London in a week's time. [deposits some money on the table] Here's 20 sterling. Well, blacksmith, you look stunned.
Joe: I am, sir.
Lawyer: Then I should take my leave. [heads for the door] Good evening, gentlemen, and we shall see you in London next week, Pip. [exits]
Pip: Good-bye, sir.
Joe: [picks Pip up] Pip! [clos-up on a grinning Pip] A young gentleman! Of great expectations!
[London, a foggy night. Big Ben peals in the background. The camera pans down from the skyline to a horse-drawn carriage, which comes to a stop. Pip and the lawyer get out]
Lawyer: You shall stay here with your roommate, Mr. Pocket. He is a distinguished young lad who will help you on your way to being a gentleman. I trust you see no problem with this?
Pip: None, sir.
Lawyer: I should think not. [taps his cane on the ground twice] On up, then, and prepare for school on the morrow.
Pip: Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. [goes to the residence and opens the front door, then enters]
[The Dormitory. Pip walks down the hall and finds a door with his name under that of Mr. Pocket. He is about to knock when a boy opens the door]
A Boy: Mr. Pip? [it's the same one seen in the fountain earlier]
Pip: Mr. Pocket?
Pocket: Pray, come in! [drags him in.]
Pip: Thank you kindly. You do look rather familiar
Pocket: As do you. Perhaps we've seen each other before. As to our lodging, it's not by any means splendid. This is our sitting room - just chairs and tables and carpet and so forth. [leads Pip to the bedroms] This is my little room - rather musty, and this is your bedroom. [displays the next room over]
Pip: My, how lovely.
Pocket: Oh, what a gay time we shall have, and I do mean gay as in festive, not as in penetration of the bum. Oh, but dear me! I beg your pardon! You're holding your bags all this time! Pray, let me take them! [takes the bags to Pip's room] I'm quite ashamed!
Pip: Oh it's… quite alright. [remembers] Lord bless me! Why, you're the pale young man I saw at Ms. Havesham's house!
Pocket: Why, yes of course! You're the prowling little boy! Boy, what a smashing coincidence!
Pip: Perhaps, but perhaps not. Ms. Havesham is very generous indeed.
Pocket: That old biddy? Oh, I assure you, I have nothing to do with her anymore. She's absolutely mad!
Pip: Well, what do you mean?
Pocket: Well, don't you know about Ms. Havesham's melancholy past? Dear me, it's quite a story, and should be discussed over dinner. Come! [Pip removes his hat and they walk over to the table at one corner of the sitting room, by the windows. A cooked bird and two glasses wait for them] Right, time for a smashing meal and the story of Ms. Havesham.
Pip: Pocket, may I ask you a favor? I am desperately trying to become a gentleman! For the love of a certain girl. So, will you please tell me if I do something wrong at the table?
Pocket: You'll do fine, dear fellow, just fine. Now on to Ms. Havesham: She was raised by a wealthy father and grew up to be a somewhat of a spoiled brat. [Pip eats his food with his Kn*fe] And now I might mention, Pip, that in London it is not the custom to put the Kn*fe in the mouth.
Pip: [with Kn*fe by lips] Hoh, dear, I'm terribly sorry! [lowers the Kn*fe]
Pocket: [joyfully] Not at all, I'm sure. [looks at Pip] Anyway, Ms. Havesham grew up to be a lovely young lady, and soon a man came along, which gets me to the cruel part of the story, merely breaking off, Pip [who has placed his napkin in his glass], to remark that a dinner napkin should never be placed into the tumbler.
Pip: [quickly retracts it] Sorry! Sorry!
Pocket: [joyfully] Not at all, I'm sure. [resumes] So this man pursued Ms. Havesham closely and professed to be devoted to her. She passionately loved him back. The marriage day was fixed, the wedding dress was bought, the wedding guests were all invited, and finally the day came. But not the groom. [Pip farts] And I break from the tale now only to mention that one should never pass gas at the dinner table!
Pip: Oh. Excuse me.
Pocket: Not at all, I'm sure. So the groom never showed. He simply wrote a letter, a letter that Ms. Havesham received 20 minutes before the wedding.
Pip: At half nine, the time when she stopped all the clocks in the house.
Pocket: But afterward she laid waste to the entire house, as you have seen it, and has never since looked upon the light of day. And the story ends, Pip, with me suggesting that one should never pull out the wee wee and check it for scabs whilst at the table.
Pip: Terribly sorry, Pocket,
Pocket: [joyfully] Not at all, I'm sure!
[The South Park Classics study. The British Person resumes narrating]
A British Person: And so Pip spent the next several months learning how to be a gentleman. He was schooled in several languages. He was taught fencing and marksmanship, and he was shown how to dance and eat box. And after it all, after WEEKS and weeks of intense schooling, Pip was finally a full-fledged gentleman. Proud of himself, Pip decided to pay Ms. Havesham a visit, to thank her for her generosity, and to see if he was indeed, now, good enough for Estella.
[The Havesham Estate, exterior, then interior, at the dining room.]
Pip: [enters the dining room] Good evening, Ms. Havesham. [she hasn't moved from her spot]
Ms. Havesham: Come closer, Pip. [he doffs his hat and approaches] My, you're quite the gentleman now, aren't you?
Pip: [cheerfully] Thanks to you.
Ms. Havesham: Perhaps. Estella's been off to school as well. [Pip walks to Ms. Havesham's side] She's become quite the lady. Would you like to see a picture of her? [shows him a portrait]
Pip: Oh, my! She is even prettier than before. [she is shown wearing a beautiful pink dress and a makeover]
Ms. Havesham: Ohoh, you love her, don't you, Pip?
Pip: [pensive] I don't know. I mean, I think about her every day.
Ms. Havesham: Do you know what love is, Pip? It is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your whole heart and soul to snip it.
Pip: Righto.
Ms. Havesham: Love her, Pip. I developed her into what she is so that she might… be loved.
Pip: Yes, but… where will I find her?
Ms. Havesham: There's a dance at the Palace tomorrow night. Estella will be there. Go and seek her out. And love her. Love her!
Pip: Thank you, Ms. Havesham! For everything! [heads for the door] I'm the happiest boy in the land!
Ms. Havesham: And if she warms to you, love her; she tears your heart into pieces. And as you get older it will tear deeper. [whispers] Lover her.
[The South Park Classics study. The British Person resumes narrating]
A British Person: Yes. Our young Pip had come a long way. From the apprentice of a blacksmith to a fine young gentleman of great expectations. And now he was to finally see his beloved Estella again at a Grand Ball held by the King of England, Tony Blair. It was here that Pip would finally and formally ask Estella to be his girlfriend. And all would be right with the world.
[The Grand Ballroom at the Palace, evening. Tony Blair and wife descend the Grand Staircase as dozens of couples dance before them. The camera then pans across the scene and stops on Estella. Pip comes in from the side]
Pip: Hello, Estella.
Estella: Pip. [impressed] My goodness, how you've changed!
Pip: Yes. I've become a gentleman. May I? [signals an invitation to dance]
Estella: I suppose. [a waltz starts and all couples begin to dance.] So how is it that you've learned to dress and dance?
Pip: Well, I was sent to be schooled in London.
Estella: Iiii see, and you no longer live with the blacksmith?
Pip: Oh. I see Joe once in a while. But I don't have much in common with him anymore, now that I'm a gentleman and all.
Estella: Naturally. [overview of the Grand Ballroom]
Pip: [walks off to one side with Estella] It is wonderful to see you again, Estella.
Estella: Is it? Why? [they resume dancing]
Pip: Because I believe I'm in love with you.
Estella: Pip, you must know that I have no heart.
Pip: [confidently] I think you do.
Estella: Oh, I have a heart to be sh*t or s*ab in, no doubt, and if it cease to b*at I should cease to be, but [sighs] you know what I mean. I have no softness there, no sympathy, sentiment.
Pip: I see past that, Estella. I see a little girl who wants to be warm and kind.
Older Boy: [walks up to the kids] Hey, Estella, let's get out of here.
Estella: Alright, Steve. Just one moment. [Steve walks off]
Pip: Who…? Who is that?
Estella: That is Steve. He is seventeen and has a car.
Pip: I see, and you… fancy this Steve fellow?
Estella: I should. He's my boyfriend.
Pip: [scared] Boyfriend??
Estella: What's the matter, Pip?!
Pip: I don't understand! I did everything right! I stopped being a poor commoner! I even blew off my lovin' Joe!
Estella: It's… it's… the way it goes sometimes, Pip. [Steve waits for her off to the side] He's… seventeen and has a car. I'm… I'm… very [pause] I'm [pause] leaving. [walks off with Steve.]
[The Havesham Estate, outside, a stormy night. Pip reaches the Havesham estate and enters the front gates. He heads into the house, up the spiral staircase, and into the dining room.]
Pip: Ms. Havesham! You have to talk to Estella! She's going out with a- [a surprised look comes over his face]
Ms. Havesham: Well well well, if it isn't Mr. Pip. [Estella and Steve are already there, sitting behind a small table at her side, next to each other, sharing a float between them]
Pip: Ms. Havesham! But um…
Ms. Havesham: Don't they make a handsome couple, Pip? [Steve reaches for Estella's right hand with his left] Look at the way he holds her hand.
Pip: But I don't understand. [doffs his hat] You sent me away to become a gentleman so that I could be with Estalla.
Ms. Havesham: Things aren't always as they seem, Pip. [Pip looks defeated] Oh, what's the matter? Did she… break your heart?
Pip: [close-up] …Well, I suppose that if you set out to break my heart, you did a very good job of it. Because it certainly does hurt.
Ms. Havesham: Yes. Tell me about the pain. [Estella looks distressed] Tell me about the crushing and the prickly things.
Pip: It's… a-as if…[winces] sssomeone has a hold of my heart and isss [winces] squeezing it very tightly.
Ms. Havesham: Yes, and it is somewhat difficult to breathe.
Steve: Hey, wait a second. You mean that this whole thing was just a setup by your mom?
Ms. Havesham: [turns her head to look at Steve] Is your heart broken as well? Tell me all about it.
Pip: But why do you make your daughter hurt people?
Ms. Havesham: Wuh-hy? Well, that's simple. Because I need the tears of broken-hearted men to use in my Genesis device. [Pip looks at her in horror] You see, my foolish child, I'm growing very old. But tonight I will fuse my soul into Estella's once and for all. And then I can go on breaking men's hearts for another generation.
Steve: What the hell??
Ms. Havesham: Estella, prepare yourself for the Genesis platform. [Estella draws away from Steve]
Steve: [holds on to Estella's left arm] Oh no, you don't! You're my girl! And I'm not lettin' you walk out on me! [Ms. Havesham flips opens a panel on the right arm of her chair and presses a red button. A contraption appears and wraps itself around Steve] What the?! [a cathode at the top of the head completes the contraption]
Ms. Havesham: And as for you, Pip, my robot monkeys should take care of you! [presses the button again and robot monkeys descend from the ceiling and clamor around Pip. He is startled and rushes out the door, down the stairs, out the front door, and out the front gates, only to stop and faint outside the gates]
[The blacksmith's house, day. A shadow appears at Pip's door and falls on him. He awakens and looks at the source of the shadow]
Joe: Pip? Pip, old chap? [appears blurry to Pip.]
Pip: [rises a bit] Joe?
Joe: That's right. You're safe and warm now.
Pocket: [stands next to Joe] Joe found you lying face down in the street, Mr. Pip, You were in such a state. You've been unconscious here for nearly three hours.
Pip: [sits up and says urgently] Ms Havesham! She has all the men who have had their hearts broken by Estella trapped in her house! [laments] Oh, why would she have wasted all that time sending me to school and making me into a gentleman?
Joe: Well, about that, Pip: There's another person who wants to see you. [the convict Pip had set free earlier returns, but he's nicely dressed now, in three-piece suit and gloves]
Ex-Convict: Allo, Pip. You remember me? [Pip cowers and remembers...]
Ex-Convict: [thr*at him back at the graveyard when they first met] I'll rip off your arms and shove 'em up your arse!
Pip: Why, you're the escaped convict I helped a long time ago.
Ex-Convict: Yes. After you helped me I moved to Wales and made somethin' o' myself. If it weren't for you, I'd have never become a millionaire.
Joe: 'E's the one that sent you to London, Pip! 'E's the one who sent you off to be a gentleman!
Pip: You? But why?
Ex-Convict: Because back then you treated me like any other person. You're weren't a snob and you helped me as you would a rich man.
Pip: Oh, dear. All this time I thought it was Ms. Havesham. She totally let me believe it. [Pocket approaches]
Pocket: I tried to tell you, Pip. She's a vengeful, spiteful woman.who wanted nothing more than to see you hurt along with the rest of the male sex.
Pip: Well, I've certainly learned a lot. That being a gentleman doesn't mean learning to dance, or proper table manners. It means being a gentle man. Gentle to everyone.
Pocket: Righto. Pip. Righto.
Pip: And now I suppose there's only one thing left to do.
Joe: What's that, Pip.
Pip: If Ms. Havesham is determined to do this to others, let's go KICK HER ARSE!
Joe: Yeah! [Pocket raises his hands, Joe and the convict pump their fists]
[The South Park Classics study. The British Person resumes narrating]
A British Person: And now we come to the final act of the Dickens classic tale, inwhich the stage is set for an epic showdown. Ms. Havesham's robot monkeys prove a formidable foe, but Pip is not about to let Estella's soul be forever consumed by the Genesis device. And now the thrilling conclusion of Great Expectations!
[The Havesham Estate, outside, a stormy night. In the dining room Ms. Havesham prepares Estella for the Genesis device]
Ms. Havesham: Are you ready, Estella? Are you ready to complete the cycle?
Estella: Yes, Mother. [Ms. Havesham straps herself into her seat, and the main door fly open. In come Joe and Pocket with swords, the ex-convict with a p*stol, and Pip with a filled bag]
Pip: Not so fast, you ugly ancient bitch.
Estella: Pip? [Ms. Havesham presses the red button once again.and her chair floats forward]
Joe: [wielding his sward] Your manhating days are over, Ms. Havesham!
Ms. Havesham: Quite the contrary, blacksmith. My revenge on the male race is only about to begin.
Pocket: Dear God, Pip, look! [points to a long contraption containing men and boys hanging upside down from their ankles. Bowls wait underneath them to receive their tears.]
Steve: [second from left] Estella, help me! I'm your boyfriend!
Boy: [third from right] So am I.
Man: [left of center] And me.
Man In Middle: We were all Estella's boyfriends at one time or another. Now we're doomed.
Ms. Havesham: Yes. Cry away, males. [returns to her original position] Once your tears have collected into the Genesis device, the fusion of Estella and me will be complete.
Pip: You won't get away with this!
Ms. Havesham: Won't I? [presses the red button, and robot monkeys again descend from the ceiling and come at the guests. Joe and the others use their w*apon to fend off the att*cks.] Let the transformation begin. [the cables have been activated]
Joe: [disables a robot monkey by slicing its leg off] Pip, she started the device! [the men on the t*rture device bawl]
Pip: [approaches among the robot monkey corpses] Pocket! Get over there, and do whatever it takes to keep those blokes from crying!
Pocket: Righto, Pip. [they do their tasks]
Ms. Havesham: [activates the device full throttle] It begins.
Pip: [approaches Estella] Come, Estella! You can't want to be part of this.
Estella: It is… what I was raised for. [a robot monkey jumps at the ex-convict, and the ex-convict sh**t at it and kills it off]
Robot Moneky: AAAAAAA!!!
Pocket: Hello, gentlemen. Oh, whatever you do, please do not cry. Havesham's device fuels itself on your tears, I'm afraid.
Man: How are we not to cry. Our hearts have been broken, our lives ruined, and now we are set to die!
Pocket: Yes, but just thnk about… panda bears! [the hanging males just look at him] Oh, they're so cuddly and sweet, panda bears are. [grabs his own nose] What silly little noses they have!
Man: [third from left] Panda bears make me sad. They're almost extinct.
Pocket: [quickly waves the thought away with both hands] Oh, right, right, let's not think about panda bears, then. Let's think about …swimming! Oh, what jolly fun swimming is, with a splishy-splash and a hold-your-breath dive. [the males just look at him]
Ms. Havesham: …Yes…
Ex-Convict: [quickly approaches] Get out of that chair, you old cow! [points a g*n at her, and she spits a green fluid into his face. A few moments later he turns away and his face has been eaten away by the fluid, revealing bones and teeth.. He babbles on a bit, then drops down d*ad.]
Pip: [still before Estella] Estella! Listen to me! You are a wonderful girl, with a kind heart.
Estella: I told you, Pip. I have no heart
Pip: But you do! And I shall prove it to you once and for all! [reaches into his bag. Joe is still fending off the robot monkeys. Pip pulls out a bunny] Look at this adorable little bunny.
Estella: [flatly] Oh my. 'E's very cute.
Pip: You see that? A heartless person wouldn't care at all about this bunny. They'd just as soon break its neck. [she reahes out to grab it, then breaks its neck with nary a flinch] …Oh. But look at this bunny. [pulls out another bunny from the bag and presents it to her] There. You see that? You have too big a heart to k*ll two baby bunnies. [she reahes out to grab it, then breaks its neck. Pip gets worried] …Right.
Pocket: [still diverting the guys on the rack] Oh what fun it is to collect stamps! Lick the backs, put them into books all neat and tidy with those smashing little pictures and bright colors.
Man: [left of center] My father died in a stamp-collecting accident.
Pocket: Right, let's not talk about stamp-collecting, then. Let's talk about… [thnks a bit]
Man In Middle: Ice-skating!
Pocket: Oh what fun ice-skating is! [moves around as if ice-skating] Who can catch me? Who can catch the ice-skating king? That's me.
Joe: [now covered in robot monkeys] Oy can't figh' 'em off no moh!
Pip: Nine. Nine baby bunnies. A person with a heart could never k*ll nine baby bunnies. So you do have too big a heart to- [crrrack. Estella has k*lled another bunny] Ten baby bunnies!
Joe: [still fighting the robot monkeys] …There's too many of them! [the males on the rack begin to cry]
Pocket: Please, sirs, you must not cry!
Man: [left of center] We can't help it! You're bawlin' us to tears! [lights under the rack flick on one by one, and the sequence leads to a computer, and then to the Genesis device]
Pocket: Philip, it's too late!!
Pip: Twenty-six baby bunnies
Estella: I don't want to. I don't see the point in this.
Pip: What?
Estella: I don't want to k*ll any more of them.
Pip: There! You see?! You do have a heart!
Estella: You think so? Let me see it [referring to the bunny] Maybe I can k*ll it.
Pip: [quickly hides the bunny] No no, I'm sure of it. You have a heart! You've bought your own life! Come with me now! [she looks back at him]
Ms. Havesham: Yessss! [electricity crackles and then moves over to Estella's part of the Genesis device. Estella looks up at Ms. Havesham, then stretches her hand out to Pip. Pip takes her hand and quickly takes her away from the device. Ms. Havesham looks over] Noooo! [her chair bursts into flames and she screams horribly, twisting here and there]
Pocket: Ooooo, top smart, Pip! [Ms. Havesham's body quickly turns to ashes]
Joe: You did it, Pip! [the last of the robot monkeys fals away]
[The Havesham Estate, outside, a stormy night. Joe, Pip, Pocket, the nine males, and Estella leave the house as flames spread from the dining room to other rooms and onto the yard. The party moves towards the gate, then turns back to watch the burning house]
Joe: Well, I guess Old Ms. Havesham won't be takin' any revenge on any more blokes, ey?
Estella: Yes. her poor miserable life is finally over.
Pip: You're released from her now, Estella! Now we can begin our life together!
Estella: Yes! Yes, my small-testicled love! [she and Pip embrace]
Pocket: Oh, I'm so glad everything has worked out. [Pip and Estella break the embrace] Where are all my little bunnies that you borrowed then, Pip?
[The South Park Classics study. The British Person finishes narrating]
A British person: And they all lived happily ever after. Except for Pocket, who died of hepatitis B. [closes the book and rests it on his laps] So ends Charles Dickens' Great Expectaton.We hope you now have a deeper appreciation for Pip, and indeed, [holds up the book] all masterpieces of literature like this one. [rests it again] Until next time, I'm a British person. Good night.
[End credits roll. End of Great Expectations] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x14 - Great Expectations"} | foreverdreaming |
[South Park Elementary, day, Ms. Choksondik's classroom. Ms. Choksondik enters and stands before the blackboard.]
Ms. Choksondik: Alright, children, as I'm sure you all remember, today we are going to continue our biology lesson… b dissecting an organism.
Class: Yeah! [There are new seating arrangements to note: Wendy now sits to Stan's left. Timmy sits in the back of the class. Pip sits behind Kenny. Two students not seen before join the class]
Bebe, New Kud: Woohoo.
Ms. Choksondik: [walks off] Now, what we are going to dissect today is the West Indian manatee. [return with a large dolly stacked with manatee corpses. Stan and Kyle glance at each other] Manatees are mammals that live in the oceans and are often called the gentle clowns of the sea.
Wendy: Aha, Ms. Choksondik, aren't manatees endangered?
Ms. Choksondik: They sure are, Wendy, and that's why we must learn what's inside them. [pushes the dolly towards the class and hands the manatees out] Now, we don't have quite enough [one goes to Butters] manatees to go around, so I think we're gonna have to split up into groups of four. [Stan and Jordan get manate es]
Butters: Hey! Ours is still alive!
Ms. Choksondik: [walks up and looks] Oh, hold on. [walks away. The manatee raises its head. Ms. Choksondik returns with a brick and brings it down hard on the manatee's head twice, k*lling it and exposing its brain. Butters is stunned. Ms. Choksondik returns to the front of the class] Now, children, our first incision will be along the abdomen.
Stan: [holding his Kn*fe] I can't do it, dude.
Kyle: Aw, don't be such a baby! [takes the Kn*fe, blinks, then offers it to Kenny] You do it, Kenny.
Kenny: (Nuh uh!)
Kyle: Come, on, Kenny! I'll give you five bucks to do it!
Kenny: (FIVE BUCKS???) [grabs the Kn*fe and starts cutting away]
Stan: Too bad Cartman's missng this. He must be really sick.
[The Cartman house, living room. Cartman and his mom watch TV. Cartman laughs. Terrance and Phillip are on. They are dressed as detectives They look at a corpse with a dagger s*ab into the chest]
Phillip: Say Terrance, this body appears to have been moved since the m*rder. Look at the forensic evidence around the torso.
Terrance: I don't see anything.
Phillip: Look closer. [Terrance looks closer] Closer. [Terrance bends down further. Phillip holds Terance's head down] Hunh-nh.
Terrance: I still don't see anything, Phillip.
Phillip: Waitwait. Hunh.
Cartman: I know what's gonna happen, Mom. You wanna know what's gonna happen?
Phillip: [grunts softly] Keep looking, Terrance. The forensic evidence is right around here. [grunts long, farts, and cackles. The camera pulls back to reveal Terrance standing on a stool. Phillip looks to see Terrance ready to fart on him. Terrance lets loose…] Ah! […and Phillip is blown into a nearby wall, then falls on his side] Af!
Terrance: AAHahahahahahaaa!
Cartman: Whoa! That totally surprised me! [his mom looks at him] I can't believe how the show manages to stay fresh.
Liane: Eh yes, sweetie.
Cartman: [sweetly] Mom.can you go make me a toaster pastry chocolate-mix butter bar? [grins]
Liane: Oohh, honey, why don't you make it yourself? [his grin vanishes] Mommy's [looks away] expecting [looks back] some company.
Cartman: God, I have to everythng around here!
[The Cartman house, kitchen. Cartman grabs a stool and walks over to the kitchen counter with it. He starts singing softly as he prepares his dish. He pulls out some Pop Toasties and puts them in a toaster, gets some powdered chocolate milk and a stick of butter, rolls the butter in the powdered milk, gets the Pop Toasties, and places the chocolate-covered butter between the two Pop Toasties. He squeezes down for good measure and makes his way out of the kitchen.]
[The Cartman house, living room. Cartman enters singing to himself]
Cartman: I'mo drag home myself, babih. But the- [blinks and looks up. In the living room now with his mom are Stan's parents, Kyle's parents, Mr. Mackey, Mr. Garrison, and Dr. Doctor.] What the hell's going on?
Liane: Uh, sweetie, your friends wanted to have a "talk" with you.
Mr. Mackey: Eric, your friends and your family are all… concerned about your weight. M'kay?
Cartman: [incredulous] What?!
Dr. Doctor: We believe that you might have a problem.
Cartman: You're God-damn right I have a problem! Terrance and Phillip is on and I don't have anywhere to sit! Now what the hell is this?!
Mr. Garrison: It's called intervention, Eric.
Liane: Your friends and I have all chipped in and we're going to send you up to a weight-management retreat.
Cartman: Fat camp?
Dr. Doctor: Yes, fat camp.
Cartman: Alright, I don't know who the hell put you all up to this, [grabs his creation and drops the plate on the floor] but I am sure as hell not going to any gay-ass fat camp!
Mr. Mackey: Now, Eric, all these people came here and paid to send you to camp because they care about you.
Mr. Garrison: Yeah, except for me. I just wanted to see the look on your face when they told you.
Cartman: [pleading] Mom, tell them! Tell them I'm not fat, I'm just big-boned! Tell them all those stories about how everyone in your famiy was big as a child but then grew into their bodies!
Liane: Oh, sweetie, those were all lies. You're just fat. [Cartman is stunned. A piece of Pop Toasties falls on the floor]
[South Park Elementary, day, Ms. Choksondik's class. The manatees have been dissected in various places, and body parts are all over the desks and floor. A drawing of the manatee and its organs is now on the blackboard.]
Ms. Choksondik: And now we will be removing the spleen. Notice how the manatee's spleen is designed for a qu-
Principal Victoria: [opens the door and peeks in] Ah, Ms. Choksondik, can we have a quick word with you?
Ms. Choksondik: [puts down the pointer and goes towards the door] Alright, continue with the removal of the spleen, childen. I'll be right back. [opens the door and exits.]
Kyle: [working on his manatee] Aw, dude, check this out. [pulls out the spleen with some scissors]
Stan: [off-screen] That's so gross.
Kyle: Hey, Kenny. How much for you to eat this?
Kenny: (I'm not eatin' that!)
Kyle: I'll give you ten bucks to eat it.
Stan: I'll throw in five.
[South Park Elementary, day, hallway. Principal Victoria talks to Ms. Choksondik there.]
Principal Victoria: And so apparently there's been a little mixup. The manatees were meant to go to the Denver Shelter Aquarium and the frogs were meant to come here.
Ms. Choksondik: Oh dear.
[South Park Elementary, day, Ms. Choksondik's class. Some desks have been moved aside and the kids continue contributing to the kitty…]
Butters: I'll throw in a dollar!
Bebe: I've got three.
Kyle: Come on, dude. All you gotta do is eat it very fast!
Stan: [off-screen, enticing] forty-one bucks. [Kenny jumps up and starts eating it. The others groan and moan] Eww-ho-hoo! He did it!
Ms. Choksondik: [returns to the front of the class] Alright, children, now, let's get back in our seats. Uh, we are now going to put the manatees back together. [the kids blink with surprise]
[A wooded area, day. A camp is shown in some hills. It is called "Hopeful Hills Children's Weight Management Center." The Cartman station wagon drives into the camp]
Liane: …And it has basketball courts and tennis courts, and you can call Mommy any time you want. [Cartman has been looking away all this time. She looks at him] Oh, sweetie-kins, don't be mad. I'm sure you're going to have a good time. And when you come back you'll be all healthy and thin. [the station wagon pulls up to the Hopeful Hills REGISTRATION building]
Male Counselor: Howdy there. I'm one of the weight counselors here. This must be Eric Cartman.
Liane: Yes. I'm afraid he's a little moody.
Male Counselor: Oh, we'll change that. [bends down next to the passenger window] Hello, camper. My name is Rick. How are you doing?
Cartman: Well, I'm pissed off!, Rick! How are you?
Rick: I'm doing great! Why don't you come on out and we'll get yo oriented. [stands up and Cartman exits the car] I'll take care of him from here, ma'am.
Liane: Oh. [bows and opens her arms to hug Cartman] Well, goodbye, sweetie.
Cartman: [darkly] Don't touch me! [moves away a bit]
Rick: Eric, this is the beginning of a whole new life for you!
[Hopeful Hills Children's Weight Management Center, later. A group of kids, all of them fat, stand in a circle and look at each other.]
Brunette: [to Cartman's right] Have you got any candy?
Cartman: No.
Taller Boy [to Cartman's left] My mon says I ain't to eat no candy here. I'm s'psoed to lose weight.
Rick: [walks up to the group enthusiastically] Alright! Everybody's here and that means we can get down to business! Over the next few weeks we're gonna learn that losing weight is [jumps] fun, right g*ng?
Taller Boy: Right.
Rick: Wait a second. [holds his right hand to his ear] Do you kids hear something? [drops his hand] I could've swore that-
Pink Monster: Raaarrrr!!! [a woman in costume]
Rick: Oh no, kids! It's glutinous fat!
Pink Monster: I'm gonna take over your body and make you slow! [starts hopping around]
Rick: Oh! What are we going to do? Wait! I know! I could knock it out! With… Exercise! [holds up an EXERCISE paddle, strikes the monster on the head with it, and tosses it away] And… Proper Diet. [does the same with a PROPER DIET paddle]
Pink Monster: Oh no! Exercise and proper diet have k*lled me. [falls over on her side]
Rick: I guess we took care of that bad old fat, didn't we kids?
Taller Boy: Yeah! [Cartman glares at him]
Rick: Well, hold on a second. Because that glutinous fat was really our good friend, Susan, [she pops out of the costume] who's another weight counselor! [she jumps out in front of the costume and exults]
Taller Boy: Heh! It was a lady in a costume!
Cartman: [miffed] Would somebody put this ret*rd out of his misery?!
[South Park Elementary, day, playground. Stan and Pip stand by Kenny, who's groaning in pain and holding his stomach.]
Kyle: [walks up with Butters] What's the matter?
Stan: Kenny's not feeling so good. That manatee spleen made him sick. [Clyde and Token come in from the right, Wendy and Bebe come in from the left. Stan comforts Kenny.]
Kyle: Uh oh. I guess we shouldn't have made him eat it. [Stan jumps back as Kenny starts vomiting the spleen up. Stan and Kyle watch in shock]
Kids: Eewww.
Stan: Well, at least you got it out of your system.
Kyle: Aw, dude! You can still kinda see the spleen! [Butters looks at him] How much, Kenny?
Kenny: (WHAT?!)
Kyle: I'll give you five bucks.to eat your puke.
Butters: Huh-I'm in for five!
Stan: Oh, you guys!
Clyde: I've got three.
Token: Six!
Butters: Uh-here. Uh-you can scoop it up in my R. Kelly thermos. [Kenny takes it and opens it up, then bends to scoop the vomit up into the thermos]
Kyle: That's 19 bucks, Kenny! [more kids gather]
Kenny: (Ungh.) [goes ahead and eats his vomit]
Kids arond Kenny:: AAAAA!
Kids around Timmy:: Waugh.
Kyle: Kick ass, dude!
Stan: You know, dude, there might be something to this.
Kyle: Yeah. People are willing to pay big money to see Kenny do this stuff.
[Hopeful Hills Children's Weight Management Center, later. The counselors come up over a hill and down the other side jogging. They stop]
Rick: Doing great kids! Come on! [they resume jogging and the fat kids lumber to the top of the hill panting behind them. Cartman stops and droops]
Cartman: [resumes jogging] This… is… bullcrap!
[Hopeful Hills Children's Weight Management Center, mess hall, after dinner. Rick is talking to the kids]
Rick: Well, I sure enjoyed my carrots and protein bar! How about you, g*ng?
Cartman: [in withdrawal] I'm starving. This is it. I'm going to die here.
Susan: [cheerfully arrives with a loaded plate] I hope you all left room for dessert. Soybean pudding for everybody! [serves a plate of the stuff to everyone there, starting with Cartman's table]
Brunet Boy: [to Cartman's left] Are you going to eat your soybean pudding?
Cartman: [shoves his plate to the boy] Take it! I can't eat this crap!
Blonde Girl: [to Cartman's right] Me neither. I have to have sugar or I'm going to die.
Cartman: [to the girl] Yeah, well, when I was in prison, we used to sneak stuff in by hiding it up oour ass.
Brunet Boy: I have some Fudge 'Ems up my ass. You want some?
Cartman: Psss. Yeah, I'm not falling for that one again!
[Hopeful Hills Children's Weight Management Center, night. Cartman sneaks out and creeps along the side of the campers' cabin]
Cartman: Alright, Clyde Frog. We just gotta clear the counselor building and we're free. [sees the entrance and races for it. He exits and races through the meadow until he reaches a road.] We did it, Clyde Frog! Now the only question is, do we go home to our traitor moms and friends, or do we start a new life on the run? [an ice cream truck approaches him] An ice cream truck! Hey wait! [races up to the truck. The driver exits the cab] Boy, am I glad to see you!
Driver: Can I interest you in some ice cream?
Cartman: You're damn right you can! Two Roller Pops, please!
Driver: [goes to the back of the truck, opens the doors, and pulls out one pop.] Alrighty, do you want this kind or this kind? [points to the inside of the truck. Cartman looks]
Cartman: Hunh? [is lifted up] Uuh! [and tossed into the truck. The doors are closed behind him, and he looks up. Before him sit four other kids who have tried to escape]
Boy 1: [on bench at left]They tricked us again, huh?
Cartman: [stands up] Aw, God-damnit! [turns] LET ME OUT OF HMYA! [pounds on the back doors]
Driver: Hang on, we'll be back at camp in a matter of no time. [drives into camp]
[Hopeful Hills Children's Weight Management Center, moments later. The campers' cabin door is opened and the five escapees return to their bunks]
Boy 1: They always get us. Sometimes it's a ice cream truck, sometimes it's a taco stand. But they always fool us..
Taller Boy: Heh-I can't help it. I'd give anything. Any amount of money for some candy. [Rick and Susan pop into the campers' cabin.]
Rick: Hey kids!
Sussan: Looks like we had some attemptted escapees again tonight.
Rick: Escape-aroo! Now campers, I know that camp is tough, but you have to believe that you can do it. And you have to know that until you drop the weight, you can't leave.
Susan: [bends forward sweetly a bit and cocks her head to the left] Thre is no escape.
Rick: So let's just all put on our try-hard helmets, and accept that the only way for us to get out of camp, is to LOSE THE WEIGHT
Eric: [pissed off] Aw, damnit!
[South Park, the Cartman house. Butters and Timmy have replaced Cartman in the boy's group for now, and they stand in front of the Broflosdki parents, Mr. Mackey, Mr. Garrison, Sharon March, Principal Victoria, and Dr. Doctor. They argue amongst themselves.]
Gerald: That's what being young is all about.
Mr. Garrison: [at the same time] But that's not the question.
Liane: Thanks for coming, everybody.
Mr. Mackey: Uh what's all this about, Mrs. Cartman? Is Eric having trouble at havin' trouble at his weight-management camp?
Stan: We knew he wouldn't make it.
Liane: Oh, no. Quite the contrary. Eric showed up and surprised me last night. Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present to you… the new Eric Cartman. [steps to one side as Cartman enters]
New Cartman: Hey, dudes!
Kyle: Whoa! [the others look stunned]
Stan: I don't believe it.
Liane: Believe it. He lost 40 pounds at his fat camp. [everyone gathers round Cartman]
Mr. Mackey: Eric, that's fantastic, m'kay?!
Principal Victoria: Congratulations. How do you feel?
New Cartman: I feel awesome!
Kyle: What did they do with all the fat? There must have been enough to last an Eskimo family months.
New Cartman: You know, Kyle? There was a time when your fat jokes would have gotten to me. But now I'm totally slim and totally happy! In fact, I'd say I'm [leans a bit to eye Kyle's belly] a little bit trimmer than you, fatboy! [stands erect] Heh heh. Just kidding, Kyle.
Liane: I made some healthy tofu pudding to celebrate. Who wants some?
Cartman: Memememeee! [the group heads for the kitchen while Stan and Kyle stay behind]
Kyle: Dude. I don't know if I'm going to like the new Eric Cartman.
Stan: Did you like the old one?
Kyle: Good point.
[Jesus and Pals]
Announcer: And now back to Jesus and Pals, on South Park Public Access.
Jesus: [with the new Cartman] Back to our courageous story of a little boy's triumph over obesity. Eric, yea. You found that the Spirit of the Lord inside you gave you strength.
New Cartman: No. Actually, I found a diet that totally works.
Jesus: A little boy who overcame the odds. Let's hear it for Eric Cartman! [the studio audience applauds] Well, our second guest tonight is a young man named Kenny McCormick, who is going to eat dog crap. Kenny? [Kenny enters with Stan, Kyle, and a dog. Music begins as a spotlighht falls n Kenny. The dog turns his ass to Kenny and craps. A musical riff plays as Kenny picks the crap up and the audience groans with disgust. Some of them cover their eyes. Kenny lifts the crap dramatically into the air a wailing female joins the music. Another riff plays as Kenny swallows the crap. A small pedestal appears under him and pushes him up and around. The audience groans some more, Kenny finishes off the crap, and the audience beings to cheer. The new Cartman is pissed]
New Cartman: God-damnit, all I got was a little golf clap!
Jesus: [hesitant] Thanks for coming on the show, Kenny.
Kenny: [gracious] (Sure!)
Man 1: Do it again!
Man 2: Do it again!
Man 3: Hey kid! I'll give you 20 bucks to eat a really old piece of bacon!
New Cartman: This is ridiculous! [picks at his eye]
Jesus: So. Kenny, how did you discover that you had this… talent?
Stan: We thought of it, Jesus. I mean, Kenny's the one that does it all, but we were the masterminds of the whole thing.
Jesus: I can't say I approve of this, my children.
Kyle: [he and Stan look at Jesus for a moment] Huh? Why not?
Jesus: Because Kenny is only doing things that anybody could do. For money. He's a prost*tute.
Man 4: I'll pay him 50 bucks to eat someone else's vomit.
Man 5: Yeah!
Man 6: Yeah! Go for it!
Stan: [to Kyle] What's a prost*tute?
Kyle: I don't know.
[South Park Elementary, day, cafeteria. The kids mill around and eat during lunchtime. In line for their lunches are Criag, Tweek, Butters, and a few others. In the kitchen Stan, Kyle, and Kenny arrive for their lunches.]
Chef: [behind the sneeze guard, as usual] Hello there, children!
Stan, Kyle, Kenny: Hey, Chef:
Stan: Chef, what's a prost*tute?
Chef: [ponders, then displeased] Dag-nabbit children! How come every time you come in here you gotta be askin' me questons that I shouldn't be answering?! "Chef, what's the clitoris?" "What's a lesbian, Chef?" "How come they call it a rim jub, Chef?" [the boys blink. Stan and Kyle look at each other] For once, can't just come in here and say, "Hi Chef. Nice day, isn't it?"!
Stan: Hi Chef. Nice day, isn't it?
Chef: [pleased] It sure is! Thank you.
Stan: Chef, what's a prost*tute?
Chef: Uh uh! You children are gonna get me in trouble with the principal again.
New Cartman: [joins the other boys] Lunchtime! I'm starved!
Chef: Oh my God. Eric?
New Cartman: That's me.
Stan: Chef was just about to tell us what a protitute is.
Chef: Why do you need to know what a prostitue is anyway?!
Stan: Because Jesus told us that Kenny's a prost*tute. Is he?
Kenny: (Yeah. Am I?)
Chef: Well, no, uh of course Kenny is not a prost*tute.
Kyle: Why?
Chef: Well, because, children, a prost*tute is someone who… you could pay for certain services.
Stan: Like what?
Chef: Like keeping you company. Understand?
Stan: No.
Chef: You see, chidren, sometimes a man needs to be with a woman. But sometimes, when the lovin' is over, the woman just wants to talk and talk and talk and talk. [begins singing]
But a prost*tute is someonen who would love you
No matter who you are, or what you look like. Yes, it's true, children.
[the new Crtman looks at the other boys as he starts sneaking away. They don't notice him. Other kids, Jordan, Token, Clyde, Butters, and Bebe, enter the kitchen]
That's not why you pay a prost*tute,
no, you don't pay her to stay, you pay her to leave afterwards.
[Principal Victoria arrives and listens]
That's why I pays a lot for prost*tute! Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. James Taylor.
James Taylor: [enters next to Chef playing a guitar]
A prost*tute is like any other woman
They all trade somethin' for sex and they do it well.
[the new Cartman goes into the upply room and starts packing donuts into his backpack]
Chef: And that's why I say-
Chef and James Taylor: prost*tute! prost*tute! They-
Chef: Oohhhh [they stop when they see Principal Victoria, who has crossed her arms in anger] …James Taylor, what the hell are you doin' in here?! Singing' about prost*tute to the children! Get out of here! [James leaves, but Principal Victoria is not satisfied.] …These children tricked me!
[Hopeful Hills Children's Weight Management Center, that night. After being tucked int bed, the new Cartman senaks out and rides a bike towards the Center, hides the bike near the entrance, and approaches the gate]
New Cartman: [a shadow falls on him] Oh, there you are. Alright, I got the goods. Some candy bars, a few donuts, and some beef gravy.
Cartman: Is anyone starting to suspect anything?
New Cartman: Nobody. Your mom even thinks I'm a skinny you.
Cartman: Ahawesome! Alright, throw it over!
New Cartman: Uh uh. One thing. I want a bigger cut.
Cartman: What?!
New Cartman: I'm the one risking my ass, running around in that stupid town pretending to be you and collecting all the food to bring up here! All you have to do is sit back and sell it to all the fat kids!
Cartman: Alright alright! Keep your voice down! I'll bump you up to 10%.
New Cartman: Twenty.
Cartman: [soft gasp] Suck my balls, 20!
New Cartman: Fine! Then I shall bid you good day! [turns aside to get his bike]
Cartman: Waitwaitwaitwait! Fine, 20! But just remember that your parents thnk that you're in the drug rehab center next door! You blow your cover and we're both screwed! [the new Cartman looks trapped]
[The University of Colorado, dorm room. Several students are reading their books while clothes is strewn all over the place]
Student 1: [bursts through the door] You guys! You have to check this tape out!
Student 2: [on the sofa] Ey, we're trying to study. Finals are tomorrow.
Student 1: No, dude, check this out! It's a video: this kid, he does all kinds of crazy stuff. [pops the video into the VCR and turns on the TV] Check it out! He jumped into a Porto-Potty at a construction site and stayed there for four days! [the screen shows Kenny standing in a pool of poo under the toilet and looking at the camera]
Other Students: Whoa! [the screen shows a construction worker heading for the Porto-Potty. He enters and sits on the toilet, and a long log of poo descends from his nether regions]
Kenny: [the poo lands square on his face] (Ow.)
Student 1: Oh, gro-hoss
Student 3: Sick!
Student 2: That's awesome! [rushes out to the hall and hollers] Hey guys! Check this out!
[The Krazy Kenny Show, live]
Announcer: [graphics come up animated, with letters exploding behind the show's logo] Get ready for the Krrrrrrazy Kenny Show! [four spotlights roam the stage] And now here's your host, the kid who will do anythng to himself for money, Krrrra--a--a-a-azy Kenny! [Kenny appears and goes to the center of the stage, The spotlights converge on him as music reaches climax] Kenny, through the past weeks we've seen you eat mice, pretend to k*ll newborn babies to shock their mothers and …wash your hair with battery acid. The question in all our minds is, who-haht are you gonna do next? [the audience cheers]
Kenny: (Well, I'm gonna give my grandfather a full-body sensual massage.)
Announcer: Whoa-ho ho! You heard him, folks! Kenny is going to give a sensual full-body massage to his own grandfather!
Man 1: Oho! Yeah!
Man 2: Woohoo!
[Fanfare as the stage rotates to reveal Kenny's grandfather relaxing on a heart-shaped bed. Kenny opens up a pcket of ]
Audience: Awww! Awgh!
Stan: Wow! This is Kenny's best show ever!
New Cartman: This is so juvenile. [bites a licorice stick. He has a box of donuts on his lap, and he and Kyle have licorice sticks]
Kyle: Cartman, what the hell's the matter with you? [takes a donut]
Stan: Yeah, you've gotten lame since you got skinny. What's up?
New Cartman: Eh, nothing. Hey, can I have some of that licorice to- take home?
[Hopeful Hills Children's Weight Management Center, next night. Rick is in the campers' cabin]
Rick: Alright campers, good work today. Lights out, and we'll see you tomorrow for more exercise and proper diet. [opens the door, exits, and closes the door]
Susan: [waiting] All beddy-byes for the night, are they?
Rick: I don't know what we're doing wrong, Susan. These kids aren't losing the weight.
Susan: We;ll just have to give them more time. They'll do it!
Rick: They'll do it.
Susan: They'll do it!! [the counselors leave. Inside the cabin Cartman looks out the window, watching them leave]
Cartman: [turns around] Alright, they're gone! [walks to his bed and pulls out a suitcase from underneath] The Cartman store is open! [the other kids leave their bunks and head for Cartman]
Blonde Girl: [first in line, hands him some money] Two donuts and a pack of licorice, please.
Cartman: [quickly as he hands the goods over] Two donuts and a pack of licorice. [she walks away,and a big, tall boy is next] Well, Tony, the usual? [Tony, with squinty eyes, blinks and Cartman gives him the usual. Tony walks away. Another boy walks up, crying] Why are you crying, Chad?
Chad: [sobbing] 'Cause I'm always gonna be fat. I don't wanna eat no sweets, but I can't control myself when they're right in front of me like this. [sobs some more. Cartman moves away a bit] All my life I've been fat. I've beh- I've been to seven camps and I swore to my momma that I'd lose the weight. I want to, but I can't help myself. [breaks down]
Cartman: [comforts Chad] Hey, Chad, eh… You know what you need? You need a friend.
Chad: [wipes away his tears] I'd, I do?
Cartman: Yes. [dangles a chocolate in front of him] A chocolate friend. [Chad begins to howl] Mr. Candy Bar doesn't judge you, Chad. Mr. Candy Bar likes you just the way you are. [opens the wrapper to expose the aroma and tempts him] Look at how yummy and sweet he is. [Chad, still sobbing, takes the candy bar and starts eating. Cartman bides his time] …There you go. That'll just be four dollars. [Chad hands him the money and finishes the candy bar. Cartman just watches] …There you go.
[A Krazy Kenny Show promo]
Announcer: This week on Pay Per View [a yellow starburst appears with "PAY PER VIEW" on it, then another starburst with Kenny standing behind Ms. Crabtree], Krazy Kenny will crawl up into a woman's uterus and [a sh*t of Kenny inside the uterus] stay there for six hours. Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime event. Order now!
[The big city, day. City noise is heard. Next sh*t is in a studio, with Howard Stern hosting, and three guests. On the walls are posters, one of which is of Eltn John. Two loves dolls are in the background, and the Antonio Banderas one is behind Stern]
Howard Stern: Alright, so we're back talkin' to three competing celebrities: Tom Green, Johnny Knoxville from MTV's Jackass and Krazy Kenny.
Tom Green: Hey, Howard.
Howard Stern: Krazy Kenny is here to promote his Pay-Per-View special this week, where he will crawl up into a bus driver's uterus and stay there for six hous.
Johnny Knoxville: [stammering] Wow!
Howard Stern: Now, some people that all you guys do is perform sick and disgusting acts for shock value and money, which makes you whores. But I'd like to prove them wrong. So what I'm gonna do… is I'm gonna offer each of you $50,000 to give me oral sex right now.
Tom Green: I'm in.
Johnny Knoxville: Me too.
Kenny: (And me!)
Howard Stern: Oh.
Tom Green: Fine! I'll do it for 40!
Johnny Knoxville: 30.
Tom Green: [points at Johnny] 20!
Kenny: (…Ten bucks!)
Howard Stern: Ooh, the kid says he'll do it for ten bucks.
Tom Green: Damnit. I'm out.
Johnny Knoxville: Me too. I guess he is the biggest whore.
Howard Stern: Alright, let's get going, then. Can we cut the cameras?
[Hopeful Hills Children's Weight Management Center, day. Exercise...]
Rick: And we're gonna reach fo the sky… [has arms high above his head]
Campers: [follow through] Woo-aagh.
Rick… And down to the ground. [touches the ground with his fingertips]
Campers: [follow through] Woo-ugh.
Rick: And up to the sky… [arms high above his head]
Campers: [follow through] Woo-aagh. [Cartman and the camper to his right perform a quick transaction - Cartman hands him a pastry for a few bucks.]
Rick… And down to the ground. [touches the ground with his fingertips]
Campers: [follow through] Woo-ugh. [a couple enters the yard with their son, the taller camper Cartman got annoyed with early on. Susan catches up]
Susan: Please, Mr. Sanders. [Rick rises quickly]
Mr. Sanders: No! I have had it!
Rick: What's happening?
Susan: Horace's parents want to take him home.
Rick: Oh! But he's not ready yet.
Mr. Sanders: Look at what you've done to my boy! You told Horace that he was responsible for his weight! You made him believe that with exercise and proper diet, he could be thin! When we told you it was his genetics!
Rick: They can lose the weight if they try.
Mr. Sanders: Look at these kids! They're not getting any thinner! [a sh*t of the campers] Your camp is a fraud! You need to accept the fact that most fat people are just genetically fat!
Susan: Please, sir, if you give us one more week,…
Mr. Sanders: Your time is up!
Mrs. Sanders: Yeah, your time is up!
Mr. Sanders: And I'm going to call all the other parents to tell them to come claim their kids as well! Your camp is a WASTE …of time!
Horace: But, Dad, I…
Mr. Sanders: What?! [Horace looks at Cartman, who look back concerned]
Horace: …Nothin'. [he and his parents turn right and walk away]
Susan: We're in trouble, Rick.
[South Park, day. At the television studio preparations are made for Kenny's test of endurance. Tweek, Token, Clyde, Butters, and Kyle (with hammer) are onstage. The sounds of sawing and hammering fill the air. Ms. Crabtree is prepped for the test, with her legs spread open and the genital area blocked off by small curtains.]
Kyle: Alright, Ms. Crabtree. Is it comf'table enough?
Ms. Crabtree: HOW LONG HAVE I GOT TO SIT HERE?
Kyle: Six hours.
Ms. Crabtree: HELL, I'LL DO SIX HOURS FOR THE FIVE HUNDRED BUCKS YOU'RE PAYING ME!
Kyle: Great.
Stan: [enters and runs to the stage] You guys! It's Kenny! He's been arrested for prostitution in New York!
Kyle: For what?
Stan: For giving Howard Stern a hummer!
Butters: Who-what's a hummer??
Stan: I don't know! All I know is Kenny is in jail for at least three months!
Kyle: Three months?! But the per-per-view is tomorrow!
Stan: I know! [Kyle gets an idea. He and Stan descend the steps to talk to the new Cartman, who stands nearby]
Kyle: [sits next to the new Cartman. Stan sits by Kyle's other side] He worked so hard, come so close. Now we'll never see Kenny crawl up into Ms. Crabtree's uterus.
New Cartman: You know, maybe we've all learned something here. I mean, we set Kenny up to further and further himself each time, havin' to always outdo himself. Now he's in jail for being a whore. And perhaps, just perhaps, we are to blame. [Kyle looks at him with suspicious anger]
Kyle: …Alright, that does it! [rises and backs up a bit] This has been bothering the hell out of me! [reaches for the new Cartman's cap and pulls it off, revealing a puffy head of hair. Stan registers shock] I knew it! You're not Cartman at all!
New Cartman: Uh oh.
[The Krazy Kenny Show. The big moment arrives]
Announcer: Well, we'vee seen him do just about every disgusting thing in the book, and today live on pay-per-view, Krazy Kenny is going to crawl into a woman's uterus for six hours! [the audience jumps and applauds] Well, Ms. Crabtree, your cervix has been dilated, your womb equipped with oxygen- How do you feel?
Ms. Crabtree: I feel great! I haven't had this much attention paid to my coot since I was 16!
Audience: [jumping, cheering] Hooray!
Announcer: Well, let's bring out the man of the hour, you know him as the-
[The Krazy Kenny Show, backstage. Kyle and Stan get the new Cartman, now the new Kenny, ready, dressing him like Kenny.]
Kyle: Don't wory, dude. You're gonna do great.
New Kenny: [pulls the hood off his face] No way! I'm not doing this!
Kyle: Hoh, you're doing it, or else we're gonna bust your whole scheme wide open, and tell your mom you haven't actually been at your drug rehab this whole time!
New Kenny: But this isn't fair!
Stan: [walks up and puts the hood back on the new Kenny] Deal, druggie!
New Kenny: (But I'm gonna starve to death if I get in there)
[The Krazy Kenny Show, later]
Announcer: And here he is, Kenny McCormick! [Kenny enters, waves to the audience as it cheers, and walks towards Ms. Crabtree. Kenny parts the little curtains and the audience quiets down. The audience reacts as Kenny climbs into the uterus] We can watch him on the video monitors. How are you doin' in there, Kenny? [four monitors frame the stage prop behind Ms. Crabtree. Above her is a digital timer. Inside the womb, Kenny holds his right thumb up]
Mrs. McCormick: That's my boy! [Stuart smiles]
[Hopeful Hills Children's Weight Management Center, next day. The parents have come for their campers. All the parents are fat, too.]
Rick: Good-bye, Chad.
Chad's Dad: We'll be wanting our refund, naturally.
Rick: Naturally.
Susan: Good-bye, Alice.
Alice: Good-bye. Thank you.
Rick: Oh, don't thnak us. We failed you.
Cartman: [off to one side] …65, 66, 67… [counting the dollars he's collected during his stay]
Chad: [at the back door of the car, turns around] Wait a second! This isn't right! [other campers and their parents stop] It's time for me to be responsible for my own actions! Mom, Dad, we've been eating candy this whole time! Eric Cartman's been sneaking in junk food!
Cartman: [through gritted teeth] Eh- shut up, you half-Chad!
Horace: No, he's right. The counselors've been doing a good job. We've just been cheating.
Other campers: Yeah.
Horace: I believe I can lose the weight with exercise and proper diet. I don't wanna make excuses no more.
Girl: Me neither.
Other campers: Yeah. [newly overjoyed, Rick and Susan grin and look at each other]
Horace: If you take us back, we promise we won't cheat.
Rick: Well, it's alright with me. Parents?
Mr. Sanders: Well, what the heck. Maybe when you're all donen you can teaach me a thing or two, huh son? [rubs his son's hair; Horace looks up and grins at him]
Cartman: You know? You guys are right. I'm sick of being the fat kid, too. I've been making excuses all my life. But I know deep down that if I took responsibility and really tried hard, and we all tried together, well we really can lose the weight! [grins hopefully]
Susan: Oh no, not you. You're not welcome here anymore.
Campers: Yeah.
Cartman: What?!
Rick: Bubbye. [turns around and walks into the registration building with Susan. The rest of the campers follow them in.]
Cartman: Well, screw you, fatasses! [begins sobbing, and pulls out a donut from his pocket. He eats at it between sobs.]
[The Krazy Kenny Show, stage. The countdown continues…]
Audience: Four, three, two, one!
Announcer: He did it! Come on out, Kenny! [nothing happens] You made it six hours, Kenny. Come on out of there. [nothing] Hmmm. Uh, Ms. Crabtree, maybe you could give him a little push. [Ms. Crabtree breathes in and pushes down. The new Kenny comes out of the uterus and slides down the steps of the stage]
Audience: OOOOHHHHHH!
Dr. Doctor: He's d*ad. The pressure must have k*lled him.
Ms. Crabtree: I told you I was a tight virgin flower.
Stan: [pointing] Oh my God, they've k*lled Kenny! …Sort of.
Kyle: Yeah. They've kinda k*lled Kenny -'s look-alike. You bastards!
Announcer: Well, he gave his life for our amusement. One little boy who dared to be different. Let us never forget… Kenny McCormick. [Ms. Crabtree pushes down and another boy, wearing glasses, descends] Who was that?
[End of Fat Camp Chef sings his prost*tute song again] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x15 - Fat Camp"} | foreverdreaming |
[South Park, day, Kyle's house. Kyle is playing football with Ike on the front lawn. The football rests in front of Ike]
Kyle: Come on. Throw the football, Ike.
Ike: [picks up the football] No on dahdo. [the football weighs him down and he sinks into the snow. Kyle rushes forward]
Stan: [rushes up with Cartman and Kenny] Dude! [Kyle looks] You're not gonna believe what Cartman has!
Kyle: Hepatitis B?
Cartman: No, dickhole. Four tickets, 28th row, for the Raging Pussies!
Kyle: …You got Raging Pussies tickets??
Stan: We're going tomorrow night! Cartman's got the bus schedule all figured out!
Kyle: [withdraws] Hold on. I'll be right back. [turns and runs into the house]
[Kyle's house, living room. On the sofa Gerald reads a newspaper, Sheila reads a book. Kyle rushes up to them]
Kyle: Mom, Dad, can I go with the guys to see the Raging Pussies?
Sheila: No, Kyle.
Kyle: But all the guys are going!
Sheila: Kyle, you're not old enough, and those concerts are dangerous and vile.
Kyle: But Mom, I-
Gerald: The answer is no, Kyle!
Kyle: Ugh! [turns right and walks out]
[Kyle's house, front lawn. Kyle rejoins the boys]
Kyle: My parents said I can't go.
Stan: [blinks at Cartman, who blinks back] Well, of course your parents said you can't go!
Cartman: Dummy, you don't ask if you can go! I'm telling my parents I'm staying at Stan's house, Stan's telling his parents he's staying at Kenny's house, and Kenny's not telling his parents anything, 'cause they're alcoholics and they don't care!
Kenny: (Yeah!)
Kyle: [looks down] Ah. Oh, now I already told them.
Cartman: Well, I guess you're screwed, then. [walks away with the other two]
Kyle: No! It's alright! Just give me some time to work on them. I'll see you guys later. [turns and runs back into the house. Ike finally throws the football off and looks out from the snow]
[Kyle's house, living room. Kyle tries to persuade his parents]
Kyle: …But what if I do a bunchof chores around the house? Come on, you're being unfair!
Sheila: Alright. Fine, Kyle, you can go to the Raging Pussies concert if you clean out the garage, shovel the driveway and bring democracy to Cuba!
Kyle: What's Cuba?
Gerald: A communist country run by a dictator named Fidel Castro.
Kyle: And do I have to shovel the whole driveway, or just the side the car is on?
Sheila: The whole thing.
Kyle: Hoh, geez. [walks away]
[Kyle's house, his bedroom, night. He's at his desk writing a letter. He's done his other chores]
Kyle:
Dear Mr. Castro:
My name is Kyle.
[thinks]
I am an eight-year-old American boy who lives in South Park.
[Centro Nacional de Cuba. Castro, flanked by an armed guard on each side, is at his desk reading Kyle's letter]
And if I had just one wish, just one wish in the whole world,
If I had one wish it'd be for Cuba to change.
[Castro sees a drawing of a sad Kyle holding a flower, which fades to a sad Kyle writing his letter]
Because I think that all the Cubans are in pain
All the joy in the world, from sea to shining sea
[Kyle finishes a drawing of a sad rainbow coalition atop a world globe]
Doesn't mean a thing if Cubans aren't free
[Castro see a drawing of a sad Kyle inside a small house]
I just can't be very happy, that's certain
[A picture of Kyle replaces his self-portrait on the paper]
Not as long as your Cubans are hurtin'
[Kyle finishes one last drawing of himself, which Castro sees last]
Oh, won't you search your soul and find a way to change your mind?
That is my one and only wish.
Castro: ¡¡Llamen a todos junto!!
[Kyle's house, living room, next day. He and his parents watch TV and a news brief comes on. Kyle smiles, his parents are stuned]
Reporter Once again, this does marks the end of Communism in Cuba. Cuban dictator Fidel Castro claims he was finally convinced by a young boy's letter. [A sh*t of Kyle behind a wooden fence comes up] Now the country is again open to American tourism. [sh*t of Sheila and Gerald stunned] Plans can finally resume for Knott's Berry Farm Cuba. [Sheila and Gerald look at each other]
Kyle: [exults] I did it! Now I can go to the Raging Pussies!
Sheila: No you can't!
Kyle: [wounded, turns] What??
Gerald: Kyle, your mother and I don't want you going to the Raging Pussies concert! We gave you a chore that we thought was impossible. You weren't supposed to actually do it.
Kyle: But I did! Ah, I brought -democracy to Cuba!
Sheila: We know, Kyle, but we just don't want you going to their concert.
Kyle: But that's not fair! You lied to me!
Gerald: Kyle, perhaps we handled this wrong, buh- but you need to understand that we don't want-
Kyle: What I understand is that you totally screwed me over!! So why should I have to listen to you?!
Gerald: Because we're your parents!
Kyle: We I wish I didn't have any parents! [walks to the front door, opens it, and exits]
Sheila: Kyle!
[Kenny's house, front steps. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman sit on the steps as Kenny plays on the lawn with a f*re truck]
Kyle: It's so unfair! How can my parents do that to me?!
Stan: Parents can be pretty cruel sometimes, dude. They get off on it.
Kyle: They're evil! I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE ANY PARENTS!
Cartman: [smoothly] Well, you… could make them… go away for a while.
Kyle: How?!
Cartman: Well, I mean, you… could… call the police and have them take your parents away.
Stan: The police?
Cartman: Yeah, I saw it on TV. All you gotta do is call the police and say that your parents both molestered you.
Kyle: What's that?
Cartman: I don't know, but it works. When I wanted to get rid of my mom's last boyfriend, I just called the police, and said he was molestering me, and I haven't seen him for three months.
Kyle: [awed] Wow! Three months without parents!
Kenny: (Wow, that is awesome!)
Stan: But what do the police do to them?
Kyle: Who cares? My parents deserve whatever they get. They're liars and cheats.
Cartman: You have to make it convincing, though, when you call the police. You have to be like, [slight whine] "my parents molestered me."
Kyle: [straight] "My parents molestered me."
Cartman: No, but you've gotta cry, like this: [starts a fake sob, rubs his eyes] "My parents molestered me." [stops the fake cry] And then they'll say somethng like, "Was it a good touch or a bad touch?" and you say [rolls his eyes as he thinks] "Ih, it was a good touch" or- no wait, [points] you say it was a bad touch.
Kyle: What's "bad touch"?
Cartman: Something about a swimsuit - I don't remember, but you definitely answer "bad touch."
Kyle: Okay, molestered, bad touch.
Cartman: Yeah, And cry. [Kyle lets out a soft cry] Oh, he's ready.
[Kyle's house, front lawn, day. Police and press gather round as the four boys and Ike watch by the driveway. Gerald and Sheila exit the house followed by two policemen. Two reporters try to ask them questions as cameras go off all around them]
Sheila: Oh my God, this isn't happening. I would never touch my children like that.
Case Worker: [female] You do have the right to remain silent, ma'am. I suggest you use that right.
Sheila: Ugh, pleae, just listen to me! [Cartman chuckles as Kyle's parents are taken to the back door of a squad car] What about my children? Who will take care of them?
Case Worker: Oh, now you care?! They're going to live with their grandmother.
Sheila: Their grandmother's been d*ad for three years. [she is put into the back seat, and the door is shut. The window is rolled down] You're not listenng to me. Kyle, tell these people that your [the window is raised so her voice can't be heard clearly] mother never r*ped you! Tell them! It's my fault. Say it! Tell them right now!!
Case Worker: [walks up to Kyle] They'll never be able to hurt you again. [picks Kyle up and hugs him]
Kyle: Cool, thanks.
Case Worker: [drops Kyle and stands up] Alright, folks. Our work here is done. [police cars doors close, police cars zoom away, and everyone else disperses]
Stan, Kyle: [Cartman grins] Alright! [high-five each other]
[Kyle's house, living room, sh*t of the hallway and stairs. "Old Time Rock 'N' Roll" plays And so... Kyle slides into view in his hat and underwear, facing away from the camera. He looks left and his sunglasses are shown. As the first words are sung, Kyle faces the camera and lip-syncs to them. With Chinpoko Mon around them, Kenny, Stan, and Cartman jump gleefully up and down on the sofa. In the kitchen Ike sticks a fork into the toaster. Kyle dances some more.
Next scene is the Raging Pussies concert outside and inside a stadum. The four boys are in the audience, and Kyle is still in underwear.
Next scene shows kids from all over descend on Kyle's house for a party at night. Everyone dances inside, some kids are eating pizzaand Kyle is still in underwear]
Stan: Dude! Having no parents is awesome! I'm gonna say my parents molestered me, too.
Cartman: Hey, yeah! We should all say our parents molestered us!
Kids: Yeah, uh huh, woo hoo!
[Stan's house, living room. He's on the phone crying. Next scene, his parents are hauled off by five cops. Shelley is shocked to see her parents go, but Stan begins to dance. She looks at him angrily and begins to pull her fist back. Stan stops dancing and points at her. A cop hauls her off. Stan resumes dancing.
Kenny's house, livingn room. Kenny's on the phone. Next scene: his parents are being placed in the back seat of a squad car.
Cartman's house, front door. The door opens and Liane is hauled out, then one man, then Chef. Cartman appears after them and stops at the door, and waves goodbye to them.
South Park Elementary, Ms. Choksondik's class. In front of the class, she's hauled off. Then Principal Victoria is taken away, and then Mr. Mackey, as Butters accuses him of somethng to the case worker.
Four panes appear, with a child in each one calling the police
At the local bar police swarm in and the patrons scatter. Final sh*t: All the parents are gathered at the gates of…]
CANYON CITY
MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON
[Stan's house, day. Stan, Kyle, and Ike sit on the sofa watching TV]
TV Announcer: The following hot presentation is for mature audiences only.
Cartman: [slides up in front of the others] You guys! Come out here! [walks out the door. The other two follow, leaving Ike alone on the sofa.]
[Downtown South Park. The sky is a deep blue and the streets are clear of snow. Token, Butters and Kenny stand behind Filmore and his friend. Cartman, Stan, Kyle, Ike, and Clyde]
Stan: What's going on?
Cartman? Notice anything? [before them the town sits empty as the sun sits between two mountains in a red sky.] Watch. [takes a stone and throws it hard. It flies through the air and goes through a first-floor window on a building two blocks away]
Kyle: …Nothing.
Cartman: Yeah, nothing. There's not an adult left in town. [more kids gather] They've all been arrested, and the ones that weren't arrested have moved away because they're scared of being arrested
Kyle: Not one adult left?
Stan: [steps forward] …Then it's ours. The whole town. It's ours.
[The Rockies, some days later. A car winds its way down the winding road in a snow storm]
Woman: Oh, sweetie, I have no idea where we are.
Man: I haven't seen a road marker for miles. What was the last highway we were on?
Woman: There has to be a town around here somewhere.
Man: Maybe you're reading the map wrong.
Woman: Hey, it was your idea to take the backroads. [both of them are suddenly shocked as the engine begins to falter]
Man: What the? [the speedometer goes down to 0 and the car begins to hobble] Oh no. No, no, no, no.
Woman: What's the matter with it?
Man: [worried] I have no idea. Oh, we're gonna have to find some help quick. We're not gonna make it more than a couple of miles.
Woman: Oh, look! There's a town up ahead. [the signpost for South Park appears, but "SMiLEy ToWN" appears in yellow over it. Underneath the sign, a clown mask appears while four balloons] Smiley Town? That's a strange name.
Man: Well, it'll have to do. It's probably the only town for a hundred miles. [they pass the sign.]
[Smiley Town, a b*at-up gas station. The car rolls up and the man and woman get out. The woman joins the man on the driver's side of the car.]
Woman: Hello? Is anybody here? [so rustling is heard and Butters emerges from the garage in a mechanic's suit]
Butters: Hoh, hahh, can I- help you folks?
Man: …Yes, we need a mechanic to look at our car.
Butters: Oh, well-l-l, uh, I'm the mec-hanic, I guess. Woh-what seems to be the problem?
Man: …It's… just you here?
Butters: No, uh Craig's here, too.
Man: Oh, good.
Butters: But he's playing Spaceman right now. Huh. Hey, Craig! [Craig exits the office wearing a space outfit complete with helmet]
Craig: [approaches] What?
Man: Look we're in a bit of a spot here! I've got a very important job interview tomorrow morning in Breckenridge, so I have to get my car fixed fast! Is there another garage in town?
Butters: Huuuhhhh, no.
Man: How about a phone? Can we just use the phone?
Butters: Phone here doesn't work. Haa-I'm afraid the only phone that does work… is over in Treasure Cove.
Man: Fine! Can you take us there?
Craig: You… sure you wanna go to Treasure Cove?
Woman: Yes.
Butters: Uhh rrreeally are you sure?
Man: Yes.
Butters: Oh, alright then. [to Craig] Uh, show 'em where it is.
[Downtown Smiley Town. Craig leads the couple down the streets to a white line running down the center of a cross street]
Craig: [stops just short of the line] This is the end of Smiley Town. The only phone is somehwere in Treasure Cove. If you wanna find it, you're gonna have to cross the white line.
Man: Well, can you help us find the phone, please?
Craig: Hell no! I'm not crossing the white line.
Woman: Why not?!
Man: Alright, let's just… go, Linda. I don't have time for Spaceman Spiff's little games.
Craig: Craig.
Man: What?
Craig: It's Spaceman Craig. [walks away slowly, deliverately, making sci-fi sound effects as he walks. Linda and her husband look at each other baffled. They then walk forward…]
[Downtown Treasure Cove. The couple walks into this town to the sound of ominous music. The town looks worse than Smiley Town does.]
Two Small Voices: [o.s.] Carousel. [the couple notices a shadow between two buildings. The shadow moves away quicly, and the couple walks on. More ominous music comes up as the walking resumes walking]
More Voices: Nah nah nanah nah! [a post falls over, scaring Linda into her husband's arms]
Man: Look, there's an elementary school [the school has been renamed Treasure Cove Elementary, and it is extremely trashed] Come on, there might be some teachers inside. [the couple heads for the school, but a toy Mega zips by them]
Linda: [holds on to her husband]
What is that? [the truck turns around and comes back]
WAAH [raises a foot to avoid being h*t by the truck. The truck goes down the street, then turns around and returns once more, stopping in front of the frightened couple]
What do you want from us??
Man: Linda, it's a remote-controlled car. [the truck repositions itself] Looks like maybe there's a little camera on it. [the couple is seen in a little monitor inside the school. The truck does have a camera in it]
Linda: Mark, I don't like this.
Mark: Relax, Linda, everything's fine. [looks closer at the truck. A little index finger presses on a button named Lemmin Juice. Tthe truck ejects a stream of juice] Ow. [squirt] Ow. [rubs his eyes]
Linda: [panicking] What is it?! Acid?!
Mark: No, ud, it's lemon juice.
Linda: Oh God! Are you blind?!
Mark: No, it just really, really, really hurts!
Linda: Mark? Mark, look. [Mark rubs his eyes, then blinks them to focus. Before him is a line of kindergartners. The two sides stare at each other, then a girl steps forward] Well, hello. What's your name? [the girl just looks back at her] What- what do you want?
Jenny: We wanna play.
Linda [panicked, rises] Mark, I'm scared!
Mark: [rises] Don't be scared. They're just kids. [to the kindergartners] Where are your parents?!
Filmore: We already played with our parents.
Jenny: How, we wanna play wit' youuuu. [points at the couple]
Mark: [silence] …Okay, I'm scared now, too. That freaked me out.
Kindergartners: [come at the couple all at once] We wanna play wit' you! [jump on the couple]
Mark: Get off me! [twirls, but the kids don't fall off]
Linda: Oh God, Mark! Help! [the couple goes towards the dividing line between Smiley Town and Treasure Cove]
Filmore: [clinging onto Linda] Oh no! She's crossing the white line!
Kindergartners: Whoa! [fall off the couple and quickly rise to cross the line back to Treasure Cove. Spitballs come flying at them]
Kindergartner: Spitwads! [the launchers are seen: the sixth graders, Pip, Clyde, and Craig, with their straws.]
Craig: [space helmet off] Take that, kindergartners!
Kindergartners: Ew! [all turn to leave. Jenny is the last to go. The older kids and the couple watch them leave]
Mark: What the hell is gong on here?!
Craig: [space helmer back on] Kindergartners. Treasure Cove is full of them.
Mark: Alright, kid! We demand to see an adult this instant!
Craig: I got new orders. I'm supposed to take you to see the mayor.
Mark: The mayor! Good! Finally!
[Smiley Town City Hall, day. Pictures of Cartman adorn the building and the path to the front door. A large inflatable King Kong floats above the snow and is tethered to the ground below. Craig and Butters liead Mark and Linda into the Mayor's office, where they face Cartman behind the desk, and two other boys. Clyde Frog sits on the desk at Cartman's right side, and his boombox is at left.]
Cartman: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Cotner. Won't you come in, please? [Mark and Linda look at each other] Mr. and Mrs. Cotner, as the mayor of Smiley Town, I would like to ask you a few questions.
Linda: You're the mayor? What the hell is gong on here?! Where are your parents?!
Cartman: Parents? [his left-hand assistant whispers in his ear and withdraws] Ah, you mean the birth-givers. They're not around.
Mark: No parents in the entire town? What happened to them?
Cartman: Okay, see, I am the mayor of Smiley Town, and so I will ask the questions around hyah!
Linda: Look, just point us to a phone, kid, alright?
Cartman: Eheh, I'm afraid you'll find all the phones… quite out of service.
Mark: No phones, either? How do you communicate?
Cartman: [opens up an empty jar and speaks into it] Butters, I need an ETA on the car, stat. [closes the lid on the jar as his assistant waits on him and hands the jar to the assistant. The boy hops down and goes out the door]
Mark: Alright, we've had just about enough here! That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen! I don't care what little games you kids wanna play, we just want outta here, alright? [the boy returns with the jar and hands it back to Cartman, who opens it up again]
Butter's Voice: It's gonna be about three days. [Cartman looks at the couple, who stand speechless.]
Cartman: [tosses the jar aside, and it breaks] So, it appears that you need me. Which is good, because… I need you, too. [moves a plate of treats forward] Ringy-ding?
Mark: I have the job interview of my life in Breckenridge! Just tell me how to get to a phone or a car!
Assistant: Spitball!
Cartman: Aaahh! [jumps from his chair a second before a huge spitball crashes through the window and lands on the floor. He picks himself off the floor and goes to look out the window angrily] You sons of bitches! [turns to the couple] You see what we're dealing with here. Tonight is Carousel. And they will try to k*ll one of us. Eh, you two seem to have the uncanny ability to cross the white line. If you help us, we'll get you what you need. [Mark and Linda, both unsure, look at each other]
[Dividing line at the John Elway Memorial Park. The couple enters the park, Mark on the left side of the line, Linda on the right side]
Linda: Mark, are we doing the right thing?
Mark: Look! If getting the stupid book will get me a cell phone, I don't care!
Linda: I just don't know if you're dealing with these kids the right way.
Mark: [stops and scolds] Well, I told you I can't deal with kids, Linda! That's why I don't want to have children!
Linda: [encouraging] Hey, I think you'd make a great father.
Mark: Oh, let's not go through this again, Linda. D- [moves forward again. Before them is a 20-ft John Elway statue.] Look, here's the book they've been talking about- [softly] it makes no sense.
Linda: My God! Mark! [in front of the statue is a small altar on which sit two kids. A d*ad dog is on the ground, and off to one side is a d*ad Kenny. Mark approaches him and inspects him closely] What is it??
Mark: It's a boy. [reaches down to touch Kenny. Kenny's left hand and arm have been eaten away, leaving only the bones. Kenny's head turns when Mark touches him, and only the skull remains] They… k*lled him.
Linda: The bastards. Oh, Mark, let's get out of here.
Kindergartners: Nah nah nanah nah!
Linda: Na-a-ah! [older kids in costume enter the park and line up behind the kindergartners]
Mark: Oh no! [they both turn, only to face another group of kids. Both groups close in on them]
Linda: Mark!
Mark: [to the kids] Uh. The fat kid told us to take it. [the angry mod captures them]
[Treasure Cove Elementary, evening. Inside, Mark and Linda are tied, asleep and backs to each other, next to a bonfire.]
Mark: [wakes up first] Wuh. Aah! Mark! Mark, wake up! [Mark awakens and both look at the group of kids, from kindergartners to fifth graders, staring back]
Kids: Nah nah nanah nah! [close in on the couple again]
Stan: You guys, stop it! [glides down from a tall pole in the school gym and jumps to a spot in front of the couple] Sorry about them. Kindergartners are kind of spazzes.
Kyle: [emerges from the group and stands next to Stan] Yeah. [these two head Treasure Cove]
Mark: Why are you doing this?
Stan: How come you wanna help the fatass?!
Mark: Who?
Kyle: The fatass. The mayor.
Mark: Look, I have the job interview of my life in less than- [struggles to view his watch, but finally does] -12 hours! I just need a phone, and he said he'd help me if I took your book so you couldn't… k*ll them anymore.
Stan: You got foolied, outlander! We're the only ones with a working phone. And if you had taken our book, then it's one of us who dies tonight at Carousel!
Linda: Uh, how did this all happen? Why do you children live in this town alone?
Kyle: Because we do. It was like this yesterday, and the day before that.
Linda: But what about before that?
Stan: You mean in the Before time? In the long, long ago?
Linda: Yes!!
Stan: If we tell you, will you help us stop Fatass?
Mark: I'll do anything to get to a phone!
Stan: Alright. Everybody gather round. We're gonna tell the story of the Before time again.
Kids: The Before time.
Boy: The story of the Before time.
Stan: [with a torch, walks up to a chalk drawing on a wall of a family] Way back, in the long long ago, we all lived by the birthgivers' laws. But the birthgivers were unfair. They made us go to bed early and eat broccoli. [a drawing of broccoli is shown]
Kids: Yuck, yuck, yuck.
Stan: [walks past a drawing of Cartman] And so the fatass came up with a way to have all the birthgivers disappear. [stops at a drawing of two police officers arresting an adult, with a squad car in the background], by using the magic M word. [a large M is shown]
Kids: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Stan: Soon we were without power, water, or fresh food. But we tried to survive. Under the guidance of… the Provider. [a drawing of a statue]
Kids: Provider. Provider.
Stan: The fatass and us disagreed on how to worship the provider. The fatass tried to make us follow his way by making himself the school principal. So we made ourselves the superintendents of school. But then he just made himself the mayor. The town split sides and that's when the Provider got angry. [an angry Provider sh**t bolts of lightning from his body, and two victims are at his feet]
Kids: Boo!
Boy: Bwack bwack!
Kids: Coosh!
Stan: So now, every night, the Provider must be appeased at Carousel. We need their book so one of ours doesn't die. [the two books are shown, with the line between them]
Kids: Carousel, Carousel.
Stan: We all know that one day, the Provider will set us free. Make everything like it was in the before time. In the long, long ago.
Mark: Ah-ah-ah-ah,let me get this straight: if I go get the fat kid's book on the other side of the white line, you'll show me where a cell phone is?
Stan: Yes. No foolies.
Kids: No foolies.
[Treasure Cove Elementary, evening, outside. The couple is still inside]
Mark: No, uh, it's it's it's right out here. Come on. [pushes the front door of the school and it falls away] Linda, I want you to just go back to the car and wait for me, alright? I'll go get that fat kid's book so I can use their phone.
Linda: Mark, I'm scared. [holds on to him]
Mark: I know, but this will all be over soon.
[Canyon City Maximum Security Prison, day. Sheila, dressed in prison orange, is brought into a large room to join the other adults, and the door is locked behnd her.]
Sheila: Oh, Gerald, I haven't seen you for so long!
Gerald: Hello, honey, how has prison been for you?
Sheila: Oh, it's awful! Just awful.
Speaker: Alright parents, let's all take our seats. [Gerald and Sheila sit] My name is Scott Evans, and I am a prison rehabilitation counselor.
Randy: Uh, excuse me, but my wife and I honestly never touched our child.
Gerald: Eh, neither did we.
Mrs. McCormick: We didn't, either.
Mr. Evans: Enough, enough! [all fall silent] Look, it's obvious we have a lot of emotional issues and personal demons to face here. During your prison time, you will all be spending one hour a day in therapy here with me. What I want you to do is learn to control those sick, sexual urges you have. Now we're gonna try an exercise: I'm gonna confront you with vwhat you lust after most. [walks off and brings back a life-size stand-up of "Beaver" Cleaver] Alright parents, now I, I know this is difficult, but I want you to just look at this child. Just try to suppress your urges to r*pe him. [no response from the inmates] Just think about somethin' else. Think about clouds and beaches. Don't think about his supple, soft little body.
Gerald: Oh, that's disgusting!!! Now, now stop this!!
Mr. Evans: Fight your urges, Mr. Broflovski!
Gerald: I don't have any urges!
Mr. Evans: I can't help you if you won't admit you need help!! Now sit down! [Gerald thinks a moment, then sits down] Look, I know this is very difficult for all of you. Most of you are still in denial about what you've done! To you it seems you've never r*ped your children at all! But you did. Help meeee help youuuu. [the adults remain silent, no objections] Now let's try again. [genuflects] Look at this young man. Just look. Don't r*pe. Fight it. Fight it!
[Smiley Town, street. Linda walks out from behnd a van.]
Linda: Oh God, God, please just let us out of this place. [reaches the gas station and is horrified by what she sees. Theh couple's car has been placed on blocks and thoroughly stripped of its parts. Butters comes out from behind the car with a window handle]
Butters: I thnk I found the problem, ma'am. A broken window roller-upper.
Linda: [backs up] Oh no. NO! [turns around and stops in her tracks.] Aaaah! [Cartman's group faces her]
Cartman: Where is your husband?
Linda: Uh, uh…
Cartman: Seize her! [the others move forth]
[Treasure Cove Elementary, evening, school gym. Mark has returned]
Mark: Alright, I got the book for you. [hands it to Stan]
Stan: [receives it] Awesu-home!
Mark: Now, can I please have the cell phone?
Kyle: Sure, outlander. I'll get it [starts to move…]
Cartman: [outside] Outlander! [all look in the direction of the sound]
[Treasure Cove Elementary, outside. Cartman, holding a taser, leads the Smiley Town members to the school. Linda is bound and gagged, but can still walk]
Cartman: Outlander! We have your woman! She still lives, outlander! Outlander, her blood was fair!
Butters: Oo what the heck are you talkin' about?
Cartman: Butters, calm down, ahright?
[Canyon City Maximum Security Prison, day, meeting room.]
Mr. Evans: Okay, so what are some other things that we can do besides molest our children?
Man: [in back row] See a movie?
Mr. Evans: Sure, "see a movie"'s good. [writes it down on the blackboard] We could see a movie instead of molesting our children. What else?
Mrs. McCormick: Make a sweater?
Mr. Evans: Uh huh. I'll put ah, "knitting, sewing." [writeis them down] Who's got another one?
Blond Man: [to Liane's left] Molest children?
Mr. Evans: Nonono, we're looking for things to do besides molesting our children.
Blond Man: Oh. Fishing?
Mr. Evans: Fishing's good. Uh huh. [writes that down]
[John Elway Memorial Park, night. The two towns meet at the deviding line, Linda with Smiley Town, Mark with Treasure Cove.]
Cartman: I believe you have something of ours, outlander! Give it back, or the female gets it! [gives her a small shock]
Linda: Mmrrhhhh!
Cartman: Heh, heheh.
Linda: Rrrmm-mmrrhh!
Mark: Give him the book back.
Stan: No. If they have it, one of ours will die for Carousel!
Cartman: We're running outu of time! Hand our book over, quick!
Mark: Enough of this! You kids are all in big trouble! [goes to ungag his wife, and the statue's clock begins to peal: 8:00 p.m. An electric current makes its way down to a pool of water and returns to the statue, electrifying it. The right arm, holding a football, moves forward]
Cartman: The Provider awakes!
Stan: It's time for Carousel! Haha, your side doesn't have its book, fatass! That means someone on your side is sacrificed tonight.
Cartman: Aw, damnit! Alright. [gets formal] It is decided. [points, in normal voice] Butters, your turn. [other kids back away. Tweek and another boy take Butters away.]
Butters: Oh, I'm gonna be sacrificed to the Provider!
Mark: Stop right there! Nobody's k*lling anybody tonight!
Linda: Be careful, Mark. They'll nake you disappear with the M word.
Cartman: Yeah, we'll call the police and say you molestered us, too.
Mark: What? [Butters makes his way to the altar on the dividing line. Tweek and three others monitor him]
Butters: I'm here for you, Provider! Uh, take me! [Tweek and the other three chain him up]
Mark: Is that what happened to the adults here?! You lied to the police and said they molested you?! My God, they were your parents!
Stan: [all the kids turn from the altar and face the couple] Parents?
Mark: The birth-givers! Your birthgivers. [Stan and Kyle look at each other] Don't you remember? They are your providers! Not some statue! And they're not up in some fantastical faraway land now. [beings to walk into the mob of kids] They're in prison. Probably crying themselves to sleep, cold and lonely and… I'm sure missing you all very, very much. [Filmore and Jenny look at each other. Cartman gazes] Your birthgivers took care of you. That's what their laws and their rules were for, because they love you, and they didn't want you to end up living like… th-this! [motions to the staute of John Elway] He won't take care of you. Your parents… your… providers… will.
Kyle: Parents. Mom. Dad.
Butters: Oh boy, here it comes!
Mark: [moves through the crowd again] If you want things to be the way they were in the before time, in the long, long ago, you all need to call the police and tell them you lied about them M word. [stands next to Linda]
Stan: He's right, dude. Things were a lot better with our parents around.
Kyle: Yeah. I guess their rules did have a point. Things have gotten a lot worse in the ten days since they've been gone.
Mark: Ten days?? It's only been ten days since they left??
Cartman: Take him down. [Tweek and the other three unchain Butters]
Butters: Hey, uh, what are you doin'?? Ha-I'm ready to give myself to Mr. Elway.
Kyle: Here's our cell phone, dude. [hands it to Mark] Will you call the police for us? [Mark begins dialing]
Linda: Hey. Looks like you're not so bad with kids after all.
Mark: Yeah, I guess you're right. Maybe we should have some.
Linda: Yeah, right. After all this, I'm getting my tubes ties tomorrow! [turns around and starts walking away. Mark is surprised]
[South Park, day, neighborhood street. The town has been cleaned up. The kids stand in front of a house waiting for a bus to roll up. Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Craig hold a banner among them which reads, red letters on yellow background, "Welcome Home, PARENTS!" Butters walks up]
Stan: Come on, you guys! Our parents are gonna be back any minute!
Kyle: Do you think they're gonna pissed at us for lying that they molested us and sending them all to jail for ten days?
Stan: Well, they can't be too pissed off. I mean, we made them a banner.
Linda: [shows up with Mark] Hey, kids.
Stan: Hey, you guys came back!
Kyle: Did you make it to your job interview?
Mark: Yeah. I got the job. You're looking at the new manager of Denny's in Breckenridge.
Linda: And I got my tubes tied.
Kids: Alright!
Kyle: Well, thnaks for everything, you guys. You really helped us see how important parents are.
Kids: Yeah.
Butters: Hey! Here they come! [the sound of a bus is heard. It pulls up and the parents pour out, beginning with the Broflovskis]
Kyle: Mom! Dad!
Sheila: Kids! [all the parents rush to their kids and hug them]
Parents: …Come here, come here.
Sheila: [holds Ike] Oh, Kyle. Ike, sweetie, you're OK. [Gerald hold Kyle]
Kyle: Yeah. We're fine.
Gerald: Kyle, we're so sorry for the horrible sexual abuse over the years. But we're all better now.
Kyle: But you didn't do anything to me.
Gerald: Hup, we did. We've come to terms with it through therapy and learned to admit it.
Sheila: It won't happen again. [She and Gerald turn and walk off with Ike.]
Kyle: [lags] But, you guys, I-
Sharon: [she and Randy hold Stan] Oh, Stanley, I wish we could take back all the years of abuse, but we can't.
Liane: [genuflects next to Cartman] We've learned to overcome it, son. You'll see.
Butters' Father: We love you, son, but we only love you in a platonic way from now on.
Butters: Oo-what the heck are you talkin' about?
Mrs. McCormick: [walks with Stuart] Kenny? Kenny, we're sorry. Where is he?
Jenny's Mother: [she and the father hold Jenny] Everything's gonna be alright now, Jenny. [Jenny's father lets go] Come on, let's go home. [the families begin to disperse. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman stay behind.]
Stan: Huh.
Kyle: Huh.
Mark: [walks up with Linda] Well, what are you kids gonna do now?
Stan: I dunno. [to Kyle and Cartman] You guys wanna build a snow igloo?
Kyle: Sure. [the boys turn left and start walking]
Cartman: Snow igloos kick ass. [Mark and Linda stare as if the events of the last ten days didn't leave an impression on the boys]
[End of The Wacky Molestation Adventure] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x16 - The Wacky Molestation Adventure"} | foreverdreaming |
[Kyle's house, night. The Happy Chanukah sign is up and it is snowing.]
[Kyle's house, night, bathroom. The toilet is seen and on it are a glass and a plate of chocolate-chip cookies. Kyle sits in his pajamas underneath a window and next to a night stand and candle opposite the toilet bowl, and holding a small flag which reads,
WELCOME
MR. HANKEY
Ike walks in and towards the food]
Kyle: He's gonna be here any minute, Ike.
Ike: [pulls himself onto the seat and looks in] Oooh nooo, poopies.
Kyle: Heee might not come if you're too close to the toilet bowl, Ike. [lifts him off the seat and takes him back to the night stand] Come sit by me. [they sit down and face the toilet bowl, and wait. Nothing happens.]
Sheila: [at the door with Gerald] It's getting late, boys. Why don't you come on up to bed.
Kyle: Just let us stay up a little longer, mom. Mr. Hankey's gotta show up. He always does.
Sheila: Alright, bubbe. [leaves with Gerald, but returns] Oh, and boys? Happy Chanukah.
Kyle: Happy Chanukah, Mom. [returns his sight to the toilet bowl and waits…]
[Kyle's house, night, bathroom. "Silent Night" plays]
Ike: [Waves the flag around] Ayaaa ta. [Kyle is getting drowsy] Weee! Weee… [soon, Ike is asleep on Kyle's shoulder as Kyle drifts into sleep, but checks on the plate once in a while. An ant is now on the toilet seat inching its way to the cookies. Kyle watches drowsily until the ant touches the cookies…]
Kyle: Go away!
[The ant scurries away. At length, the candle burns down to the plate and goes out. Kyle and Ike are both asleep. Sheila and Gerald look in once again and find the boys asleep. Sheila picks up Ike and Gerald picks up Kyle and take them to their respective rooms. Kyle is then seen asleep in his room. He opens and blinks his eyes, then gasps and sits up. He rushes out of bed and into the restroom, only to find an empty plate and glass. He thinks Mr. Hankey has been by, until he notices something on the floor to the left of the toilet. A look of dismay comes over his face. It's the ant he sees, now bloated and content. Kyle goes to make a phone call.]
[Stan's house, night, bathroom. "Silent Night" continues]
Stan: [picks up the phone] A-ah huh.
Kyle: [barks. Music stops] Stan! Go get the other guys and tell them to meet me at the bos stop in ten minutes!
Stan: Ho-o-oh.
[South Park, night, bus stop. Kyle, with flashlight and crow bar, is waiting as the others arrive. Kenny arrives in coat, hood, and undies. Cartman in pajamas, cap and coat, and Stan fully dressed, but with his cap askew. A lock of hair is seen]
Kyle: Okay, good. You're all here.
Stan: What is this all about, Kyle?
Kyle: It's Mr. Hankey! He hasn't shown up yet.
Cartman: Aw, Jesus Christ! I'm going back to bed. [turns aside and walks off]
Kyle: It's only three days until Christmas, you guys! You know how bad thins have been around here. I think it might be because Mr. Hankey hasn't come.
Cartman: Kyle, I have a full day of watching TV tomorrow. I don't have time to go on a poo hunt right now, okay?
Kyle: If you guys want thre to be a Christmas, you'd better come help me!
[South Park, night, city streets. Snow is still falling, but a manhole cover has been lifted and set aside. Down below, in the sewer, the boys walk in the muck looking for Mr. Hankey's home]
Cartman: Heh-tchoo!
Kyle: [turns and glares at Cartman] Dude, you sneezed on my back!
Cartman: Oh, sorry, you might get some germs while you're walking around in human feces!
Kyle: Hey, look. [before them is a small cottage in a collection basin. They walk to the end of the sewer line] Hello?
Mr. Hankey: Hoowwddyy ho! [behnd him is a little cottage all glittered in light]
Kyle: …Mr. Hankey! Hoh, we were so worried! I was weiting up for you and you didn't come, so I thought that-
Mr. Hankey: Oh, no I'm fine, Kyle.
Kyle: But where have you been? Things aren't the same without you. Nobody seems to have the Christmas spirit.
Mr. Hankey: I know, Kyle. I've just been awfully busy with my family. [calls into the house] Honey!
Cartman: Family?
Mr. Hankey: Boys, I want you to meet my wife. Autumn.
Autumn: Howdy-hey kids! [waves in the same way Mr. Hankey does, holds a martini in her left hand] Would you like a drink?
Mr. Hankey: They're too young to drink, honey.
Autumn: Hey haa, it's Christmas!
Mr. Hankey: Come. You have to meet the little nuggets, too. Kids! [they come one one by one] This is our son, Cornwallis.
Cornwallis: [wearing glasses, a scarf and little blue beret] Hoowwdy Ho! [hops aside as another nugget enters]
Mr. Hankey: Our daughter Amber.
Amber: [in pink dress and maroon bow] Hoowwdy Ho! [hops aside as another nugget enters]
Mr. Hankey: And our son, Simon.
Siimon: Eee, hey! Hnhn.
Mr. Hankey: [aside] Simon's not so smart. He was born with a peanut in his head.
Siimon: Heh What? Dad? Huh?
Mr. Hankey: Nothin', Simon.
Kyle: A family! So THAT's why you haven't been able to spread Christmas cheer.
Mr. Hankey: It sure has been tough. Nobody seems that into Christmas out there.
Stan: I know, it's like it doesn't matter anymore.
Cartman: My mom''s barely bought me any presents so far.
Mr. Hankey: Well don't worry kids! I'm sending the nuggets up tomorrow to spread Christmas cheer! [the nuggets grin] And if you want, you can help them.
Kyle: Sure we'll help! [Stan grins]
Cartman: Anything for more presents!
Autumn: "Hic" Weh-hell, it's a Chrstmas party! Hey! You boys! You boys wanna bet me I won't take off my clothes?
Mr. Hankey: Honey, pleh, you're- you're drunk. Onkay?
Autumn: but it's a Chrstmas party!
Mr. Hankey: Honey, can we go inside for a second? [they enter the little hosue and start arguing. The boys look on in shock while the nuggets keep their smiles. Abruptl the arguing stops and the two adult poos step out again] Well, it's decided, kids. Tomorrow we're gonna bring back the spirit of Christmas!
[South Park, day, city streets. The boys and the nuggets stand on the sidewalk in front of Tele's and the toy store humming "Good King Wencelas" The nuggets soon hum their own tunes. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny wear nose clips and suits that suggest they are reindeer, while Cartman is dressed as Santa]
Cartman: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, you guys! Only three shopping days until- [a couple walks past] God-damnit! [a man walks past in the other direction] Hey! Merry Christmas, assh*le! [a woman walks by]
Stan: Nobody's paying any attention. [Amber clears her throat as a foot comes down over Simon, and the foot pulls away]
Woman: Ew, I almost stepped in it.
Tele's Owner: [exits and locks his door] Well, it was a good effort, boys. But I'm gonna have to close shop. Nobody's buyin' anything an' I can't afford to keep this furnace runnin'! [starts to leave, but notices the nuggets] Oh. And, boys, there's some crap on the sidewalk there. Watch out. [the nugets look downcast. Red Harris leaves the toy store.]
Red: [locks the door] Not one toy. I guess this yeear, everyone's content to celebrate with candles and love. [starts sobbing, then walks away]
Stan: [emotionally] This is hopeless. We're just gonna have to face that the commercialism has been sucked out of Christmas.
[A special report. Behind the anchor is a "No Christmas Trees" sign]
News Anchor: And in other news tonight it appears that everyone is officially SICK OF CHRISTMAS! [a chart appears] In an SPC poll, 38% said they were fred up and tired of the holiday, 5% said they were indifferent to it, and a whopping 57% they would quick Bon Jovi square in the balls if given the opportunity. [the field poll follows]
Ms. Choksondik: Well, I think people are just fed up with the crowded shopping and the credit-card bills, uh. [theh boys sit on Cartman's sofa watching the news] I, I think that the holiday just has become a joke.
Man: [with a son who waves at the camera] You know, it's just that a lot of people don't really believe in the whole Jesus thing anymore, you know? So what's to celebrate?
Man 2: Oh yeah. Right in the balls, man. Right square in the balls.
News Anchor: Well, the holiday spirit may be gone from South Park, but at least our faith in each other remains strong.
Assistant: [whispers into the anchor's ear] In South Park.
News Anchor: Oh really?
[South Park, Cartman's house, day. The report is over]
Stan: Dude, change the channel. This is too depressing. [Cartman clicks the remote, and "A Charle Brown Christmas" pops up. Charlie, Lucy, and Snoopy are on screen]
Charlie Brown: Good Grief! We need a Christmas tree for our play.
Cartman: Oh, Jesus, not this thing again.
Stan: How come everyone in cartoons has such big heads?
Charlie: [as other kids dance around him] Alright, everyone, we've got to get on with our play!
Kyle: Jesus, this sucks! All they keep doin' is dancing around!
Cartman: Yeah, this thing really falls apart in the second act.
Stan: [affecting a Peanuts accent] And why is it that on Charlie Brown cartoons, everyone talks like this.
Cartman: My mom could make a better Christmas special than this!
Kyle: Hey, that's it. Oh, my God, that's totally it! [drps down from the sofa and walks to the TV] It's so simple!
Stan: What, dude?
Kyle: [turns and faces the other boys] We can get everyone back into the Christmas spirit by making our very own animated Christmas special, and showing it to everybody in town! [Charlie and Linus talk onscreen]
Stan: We don't know anything about animation.
Kyle: How hard can it be? Look at it. [Snoopy and Charlie walk in the woods]
Cartman: Hey yeah! We can make a little animated Santa Claus and Jesus, and it can star us instead of these little round-headed guys!
Kenny: (Yeah, right! Awesome!)
Stan: Yeah! And we can call it… "The Spirit of Christmas" [onscreen, Snoopy is pummeling a naked Charlie Brown hard across the face with a 2-by-4]
[South Park, The Mayor's office, day. The report is over]
Mayor: [worried] Ogh! This is terrible, Johnson! Our whole town's economy is going right in the toilet! We've got to get everybody back in the Christmas spirit!
Aide 2: Mayor, some adorable children are here to see you.
Mayor: Meugh. Send them in.
Kyle: [as the boys enter]Mayor! We have the solution to your problem.
Mayor: You do?
Kyle: We're gonna make a short animated Christmas card that everyone can watch and and play it on the screen at the old drive-in.
Stan: It'll have everything. Jesus, Santa. And when people see it, they'll just HAVE to get in the spirit. All we need is three hundred dollars for our budget.
Mayor: [falsely enthusiastic] An animated Christmas card. Kids, that just may be the dumbest idea I've ever heard, ever!
The Boys: Awww.
Mayor: But at this point I'm willing to try anything. Johnson, cut them a check for three hundred dollars.
The Boys: Alright!
Kyle: [to the other three] You guys go tell Butters to start making the cutoouts. I'm gonna go tell Mr. Hankey the good news!
[The Hankey home, day, exterior. Mr. Hankey and Autumn are in a heated argument inside. The argument is incomprehensible for a while, until a voice stands out.]
Mr. Hankey: Now you put that vase down! Put that vase down! That's a very expensive vase! [now warning] Don't you throw that vase! [the vase is thrown and breaks.]
Kyle: [now facing the house from the sewer] Ah, Mr. Hankey?
Mr. Hankey: [exits the front door] Oh, Kyle! Hoowwddy ho!
Kyle: [excited] We got the money, Mr. Hankey. We're gonna make our animated Christmas card.
Oh, that's swell! Kids! [the nuggets come out] Christmas is back on! We've gotta all go get that old drive-in workin' again.
The Nuggets: Okay!
Autumn: That's not the only thing we gotta get workin' again, [pokes him] if you know what I mean...
Mr. Hankey: [concerned] Wha- why do you, why do you have to say things like that in front of people?
Kyle: Well, I've gotta go start our animation. We've only got two days. [turns and walks away...]
Mr. Hankey: Good luck, Kyle. And we'll have that projector workin'! Don't you worry! [Cornwallis sniffs at himself]
Amber: What's the matter, Cornwallis?
[Butters' home, day. A gate is open by one side of the house. Inside, the four boys enter a room littered with cutouts]
Kyle: Alright, Butters. Let's see what you've got.
Butters: [behind a desk] Huh, well, okay. Now, don't expect too much with the budget you gave me.
Stan: [impatient] Yeahyeahyeah. just let us see 'em!
Butters: Well, alright. Here's a little paper construction of Santa Claus. [holds him up and moves him a bit] "Ho ho ho, uh, there-a kid. Hu-uh, would you like some- t-hoys and stuff" Hah, and uh, here's a little Jesus. [brings him forth] "Hi there, Santa. I am the Light and the Way, and stuff." [Santa] "Uh, ho o-kay. That's good, I suppose." Huh, and here's the cutout versions of you guys. [unfurls a large sheet which contains some mountains and spitting images of the four boys]
The boys: Whoa!
Cartman: [points] Heheh. Look, he made Stan all fat.
Stan: [retorts] That's not me, that's you!
Cartman: What?!
Kyle: They kind of look like us. [the poster is shown again] I mean, Stan's got blue eyes and I've got a sharper nose, but I mean, they kinda look like us.
Cartman: I AM NOT THAT GODDAMNED FAT! [Butters sets the poster on the desk, face up]
Kyle: God job, Butters.
Butters: Woh, ah, hey! I made a little cutout version of me, too! Ih in case you need it for your animated film.
Stan: [grabs the poster] No, that's okay. [walks away]
Kyle: See ya! [grabs Santa, Cartman grabs Jesus, and they walk away with Kenny]
Butters: Uh-m, alright, alright then. [the door closes, and a few second later, he reaches into a top drawer and pulls out a Barbie cutout. In falsetto...] "Oh, uh, hello, good-lookin'? What's your name?" [moves the Butters cutout] "Huh, Butters, ma'am." [moves the Barbie cutout while in falsetto] "Well, Butters, would you like to slap my- titties around?" [moves the Butters cutout closer] "Whoa! Well, uhuh" [a smile of fantasy flashes across his face] "Uh, no thanks, ma'am. Uh I, I'll get in trouble again." [guiltily puts the cutout away.]
[The Hankey home, day. Inside, Cornwallis is seated at a table with thumb tacks for legs. There are two 5-book stacks on the table, a third stack on the floor behnd him, and two books on the floor in front of the table. Mr. Hankey enters, and soon seen are a spool of string for a bedstand and a pencil as a curtain rod. A locket hangs over Cornawallis' bed, and it contains pictures of his parents]
Mr. Hankey: Cornwallis, we've got to go fix up the drive-in.
Cornwallis: I don't want to, Dad. I'm too sad.
Mr. Hankey: [takes a seat at the table] Hey, that's alright, Cornwallis. The boys' animated movie will being back the spirit of Christmas.
Cornwallis: It's not that, father. Its... Well, I don't feel like I'm really a part of Christmas.
Mr. Hankey: But son, you're a Hankey. We love Christmas!
Autumn: [drunk as ever, appears at the door] Come on, it's time to sit around the tree!
Mr. Hankey: [serious] We're having a talk, honey.
Autumn: God-damnit it's Christmas and we're gonna be a happy family around the tree!
Mr. Hankey: Autumn, you're drunk. Alright, now, just go help the other kids; they can't get their stockings up.
Autumn: That's not the only thing that can't get up around here. [rushes away]
Mr. Hankey: …Now come on, son. Don't be so down.
Cornwallis: Why? We're just pieces of crap. Christmas isn't for us.
Mr. Hankey: Christmas is about feeling good. That's for everybody!
Cornwallis: I see the Nativity. There's angels, shepherds and sheep. But no poo. All the Christmas movies: Santa, elves, reindeer. No poo. I'm not a part of it.
Mr. Hankey: No, you're not a part of it, Carnwallis. You're all of it. Don't you see?
Cornwallis: I'm nothing but crap!
Mr. Hankey: But crap is everything. [begins to sing]
Everything that lives on earth poos in some way
And that's how the cycle happens, each and every day
[Takes Cornwallis out and up to the street]
Just look at the green green grass and the birds up in the sky
[cows graze on the some exposed grass while large birds fly lazily above]
It's all here because of poo, and now I'll tell you why
'Cause it's eaten by cattle, which is eaten by women and men
[A cow poops as it eats, then Butters' family is shown eatng burgers at table]
It fuses with their bodies and becomes poo again
[Mr. Jankey sings to Cornwallis, then Butters' father is shown straining on the toilet]
And that poo goes through the sewer, where it's dumped into the sea.
[some poo descends through the pipe, and Mr. Hankey soon follows. A raw sewage outlet is then shown with Mr. Hankey exiting]
And it's eaten by the plankton, and becomes the fishes' meal.
[plankton swarm the poo and devour it; a small fish eats the plankton]
And then that bigger fish with the poo still inside
[a bigger fish eats the small fish, but an even bigger one approaches]
Swims up near the shore and gets eaten alive
[the bigger fish swallows the medium-sized one and swims up to the surface, only to be snatched up by a bear]
By the grizzly bear that poos on a d*ad piece of sand
[the bear walks off with the fish in its mouth and poos as he leaves]
So it can spring to life and become food for the land
[flowers and grass spring up through and around it. The camera pulls back to reveal an African savvannah around the flowers, with all sorts of animals in it]
It's the poo of the antelope, the poo of the giraffe
[soft backup vocals come on, lending the song an African feel. antelope run in the background as a giraffe appears and stops]
It falls onto the earth and becomes the blades of grass
[The camera looks at Mr. Hankey and Cornwallis atop Poo Rock, first from the back, then from the front]
The grass is eaten by the cattle, which comes out the other end
[more cattle are shown grazing and pooing]
To make food for the humans and start all over again
[a man scoops the poo into a small bag and walks off; Butters and family eat more burgers; his mom sits on the toilet]
[back on Poo Rock, before which animals poo freely] You see, son? You're not an insignificant part of life. You are life.
Cornwallis: But how can I be that giraffe and blade of grass, and a human? I don't control what they do.
Mr. Hankey: [sits next to Cornwallis] Just like your heart beats without you thinking about it, so, too, your giraffes and your humans do what they do without you even thinkin' about it. But it is all one life form. It is all… [points to him] you.
Cornwallis: [smiles] I think I see now.
I'm the poo of the antelope, that flows down to the ground
[steps forward]
Mr. Hankey: Becomes the grass of tomorrow
Cornwallis: Yeah
Mr. Hankey: Which the grazers turn around
[An antelope stops to poo a little, then runs off to join the others]
Cornwallis: So I'm the leg of a leopard and the wings of a hen
Mr. Hankey, Cornwallis: Which becomes dinner for the human and turns back to poo again.
[Mr. Hankey holds Cornwallis high in the air on Poo Rock with the sky behind them. Cornwallis hums a bit]
That's the Circle, the Circle of Poo!
[Blink to black]
[Stan's house, basement, day. He hands out scripts to the other three boys]
Stan: Okay, here's the script. But it doesn't have an ending.
Kyle: No ending? Well, we can't animate until we have our voices recorded, so we'd better just record what we have and figure out the ending later. [they walk over to some microphones.]
Sound man: [instructing] Okay, talk directly in the mike and don't h*t any hard p's.
Kyle: What's a hard p?
Cartman: You know, first thing in the mornng when it just won't come out?
Kyle: Oh, yeah.
Sound man: Uumm, okay, sound is speeding, and… [cues the boys by raising his hand]
The boys: We wish you a Merry Christmas
Sound man: Hold on.
Kyle: We wish- [the sound man presses a few buttons, and some white noise blasts through the boys' headphones]
The boys: [twisting in pain] AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Cartman: …deh.OOOWW!!!
Sound man: Uh, [makes more changes to the sound settings] mmm. Okay, and? [cues the boys]
Boys: We wish you a merry Christmas,
We wish you a merry Christmas,
We wish you a merry Christmas--
Stan: Hey! Wait a minute!
Kyle: What?
Stan: Aren't you Jewish, Kyle?
Kyle: Well, yes, I think so.
Stan: [calmly] Dude, Jewish people don't celebrate Christmas. You're supposed to sing Chanukah songs. [Kyle cues the piano player, who begins playing]
Kyle: Dreidel dreidel dreidel,
I made you out of clay,
Dreidel dreidel dreidel--
Cartman: [grins] Heheheheh, Chanukah sucks.
Kyle: [throws his headphones off and faces Cartman angrily] Don't you oppress me, fat boy.
Cartman: [throws his headphones off] Don't call me fat, f*ck.
Kyle: Then don't belittle my people you f*ck' fatass!
Stan: You guys, knock it off! We have to record this! [the sound man begins to laugh heartily]
Sound man: [composes himself] Dude, that was awesome.
Stan: What's awesome?
Sound man: The script. It's sweet.
Stan: That's not in the script They do this all the time.
Sound man: Well, it should be in the script. All that "you're fat" and "you're a Jew" and stuff. It's great. [the boys look at each other]
[South Park, Photo Dojo, day. The boys are gathered round a camera, which is pointing straight down onto the poster Butters made for them. Two lights shine on the poster, and the cutouts are in place. Some other heads are at the top end of the poster]
Kyle: Check it out, dude. The camera sh**t one frame at a time. So, all we gotta do, is put the right mouth on, according to what syllable they're pronouncing at that frame.
Stan: Easy.
Kyle: Yeah. So what's the first syllable?
Stan: Uhd- W, WW-e wish you a Merry Christmas
Kyle: Okay. So we put little "woo" mouths on all our heads. [sets the "woo" mouths in place] And then we sh**t that for one frame.
Stan: Okay. [snaps the sh*t] One.
Kyle: That's one twenty-fourth of a second of our movie already sh*t! [exults]
Stan: Kickass!
Kyle: Now, the next mouth.
Stan: Uuhh, E. W-EE wish you a Merry Christmas. [both turn aside to look around]
Kyle: Okay, where are the E-mouths?
Stan: [softly] E mouths…
[South Park, Photo Dojo, three hours later. The boys' eyelids are drooping andthey're tired]
Kyle: Okay. "Woo" mouths again?
Stan: [snap] 1 [snap] 2.
Kyle: So how much done is that?
Stan: "We wish you a m- Merry"
Kyle: [softly] Aw, [loudly] Jesus Christ!
[South Park Dirve-In, night. The boys' eyelids are drooping andthey're tired]
Mayor: [enters the drive-in with her aides] This kids better make a good Christmas movie, Johnson. If people in this town don't start shopping again, we're all gonna be out of jobs next year.
Johnson: This… place is pretty run-down.
Mayor: It's alright, we've got a clean-up crew coming.
Mr. Hankey: [off-screen] Hoowwddy ho! [the Mayor and Johnson look around] Down here!
Johnson: [jumps back] WAAGGH!
Mayor: [displeased] Oh. Mr. Haneky, it's you. How wonderful.
Mr. Hankey: My family and I are here to get the drive-in ready for the biig movie.
Autumn: [drunk and still holding a martini, to Johnson] Hi there, Mr. Important Political Person. *hic* [Johnson looks disturned] You wanna bet me I won't take off my clothes and run naked through this parkin' lot?
Mr. Hankey: [softly blocking] Uh-uh, honey, please don't start!
Autumn: I didn't start it! He was looking at my breasts!
Mr. Hankey: They're not real, you know.
Autumn: Don't you say that! [hugs him, but he pushes her off]
Mr. Hankey: Oh, big secret! Everyone can tell they're made of silicorn!
Johnson: Uhhh, we'll just leave you to your cleanup. [leads the Mayor and the other aide away]
Mr. Hankey: Okay! Boy, oh boy, this place suuure needs a lot of work.
Cornwalis: We can fix it up, Dad.
Amber: Oh, look! A homeless person. [the man is seen sleeping on the ground covered in papers and carboard] Oh. He looks sad, Pappa. [hops over to him and leaves a poo smile on his lips] There. That's better.
Mr. Hankey: Good job, Amber. Now this place is starting to look Christmasy [the man continues to sleep…]
[South Park, Photo Dojo, next day. The boys are back at the animatic further along in the project]
Kyle: Okay. Okay, the sh*t is finally set up. Now sh**t the O mouth for two frames. [Cartman sneezes and immediately realizes what he just did]
Stan: AAAAAAAA!
Kyle: Cartman!
Cartman: Well, I'm sorry! I have a cold!
Stan: That took us half an hour to set up, fatass!
Cartman: Alright! You know what? I have been here TOO LONG! I'm sick of making this stupid cartoon, and we're never goin' to finish it anyways! [walks off and stops at the door] Screw you guys, I'm goin' home!
Kyle: [rushing to the door] Fine! We'll do it with out you!
Stan: We can't do it without him, Kyle. We've already animated him in it!
Kyle: We'll dub his voice over.
Stan: Kyle, it's hopeless. We've only got 20 seconds of animation done, and we still have Jesus' and Santa's voices to record, and we don't even have a third act. Dude, it would take a miracle to finish this thing!
Kyle: Now, don't go saying that. There's always hope.
Miracles happen most every day.
To people like you, and me.
But don't expect a miracle.
Unless you help make it to be.
You hope, and I'll hurry.
[takes the poster and rolls it up.]
You pray, and I'll plan
[The boys exit the Photo Dojo with it]
We'll do what's necessary, 'cause
[now in Stan's room, works on a Brian Boitano cutout]
Even a miracle needs a hand!
[walks up to the wall and adds a scene to Act II]
Kyle: You love-
Stan: We love
Kyle: -And I'll labor. [takes down the scene]
Stan: Tralala
Kyle: You sit- [puts it up again]
Stan: We sit.
Kyle: -And I'll stand. [a funny look appears on his face]
Stan: Tralalalala
Boys: Get help from our next-door neighbor, 'cause
[Kenny begins to hum as the Hankey family is shown cleaning up the drive-in]
Boys, Hankeys: Even a miracle needs a hand!
[Autumn is passed out to one side of the film projector as Mr. Hankey cleans up]
[Stan's house, basement, day. Stan and Kyle have to work without Cartman, so they stand wearing headphones and reading the script aloud]
Kyle: You could do Cartman's voice, can't you?
Stan: "Awgh! I'm so fat!"
Kyle: Nuh, you've gotta sound fatter.
Stan: [with tongue filling his mouth] "Hey, you guys! Seriouslih! I'm so fat! Help me out over hmyah!"
Kyle: Cool! Now let's try the script!
Sound Man: Rolling…
Stan: [Doing his and Cartman's parts]
Stan: I don't know what to do, dude. Who should we help?
Cartman: I say we help Santa Claus!
Kyle: Oh, you're just saying that because he brings you candy.
Stan: Cartman: Ey! I don't need to take that kind of shit from a Jew! [both boys grin, and the sound man signals his approval with a thumbs-up]
[Stan's house, living room, day. Kyle and Stan resume singing as Kyle packs the cutouts into a box headed for Korea]
Kyle: You wish-
Stan: We wish
Kyle: -And I'll whittle.
Stan: Tralalalala
Kyle: You sit- [closes the box and tosses it up]
Stan: We sit.
Kyle: -And I'll stand. [displays the box's destination and walks out with it]
Stan: Tralalalala
Kyle: [with Kenny humming] Let's all try to help a little, 'cause
[A group of 20 Korean inbetweeners are shown working hard on the short]
[South Park, Potter's Art Store, day. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny walk out with construction paper]
Boys: Even a miracle-
[a car comes in and runs over Kenny as the diriver honks, leaving Kenny flat as a pancake. The boys just look in wonder]
Stan: …It's okay. We'll just have his character die in the film. [they resume singing and walk away]
[Stan's house, living room, day. Stan and Kyle are there. A large box has come for Stan and he's about to open it]
Stan, Kyle: Even a miracle____ needs____ a____ hand!!
[Stan opens the box and both boys lift the finished reel out of it: "FROM KOREA: FINAL PRINT"]
[South Park Drive-In, night. The drive-in is cleaned up now. The entire town shows up to see the short film. To the left, two klieg lights shine on a high platfom on which stand the Mayor and her aides; Stan, Kyle, and Cartman. A decorated Christmas tree stands behind them. On close-up, though, Cartman is missing]
Mayor: Citizens of South Park, the Colorado Film Commission is pleased to present to you a work by some of our very own South Park children. [the crowd erupts in applause]
Cartman: [enters victoriously] Thank you, thank you. [Stan and Kyle look at him annoyed]
Kyle: Cartman, what the hell are you doing here?! You quit!
Cartman: What are you talkin' about, "quit"? Huh! I don't remember that.
Mayor: We know tha after you see this darling short film, [the crowd is shown] you will all feel the mighty glow of the Christmas spirit once again. Boys?
Kyle: Okay, Mr. Hankey!
Mr. Hankey: [in the booth] O-kay! [starts the projector. The opening screen of "The Spirit of Christmas" is shown as music plays.]
[Scene: a snowy hill. South Park comes into view. A squirrel pops up to see the camera, then drops away next to the town sign. Kids can be heard singing a Christmas carol. The camera pans to the right]
Kids: We wish you a merry Christmas,
We wish you a merry Christmas,
We wish you a merry Christmas--
Stan: Hey! Wait a minute!
Kyle: What?
Stan: Aren't you Jewish, Kyle?
Kyle: Yeah, I think so.
Stan: (voice rising) Dude, Jewish people don't celebrate Christmas!
Kyle: What?
Stan: You're supposed to sing Chanukah songs!
Kyle: Dreidel dreidel dreidel-
[the film snaps in two and grinds to a halt. Fear strikes the boys' faces, then the Mayor's face. The film spools out of the reels and Mr. Hankey holds the unwound film in his hands]
Simon: Eehhhh, pretty! [the crowd begins to disperse and grumble]
Man: Oh, that's Christmas for ya.
Mayor: Uhuh, just hang on folks. We seem to be having some technical difficulties
Man 2: Boring.
Man 3: I've gotta go.
Man 4: Stupid.
Mr. Hankey: [as the boys enter the projection booth] It's completely destroyed! There's nothn' I can do!
Kyle: All that hard work.
Mayor: Well, thanks a lot, kids. Great idea you had there. Now everyone is more disenfranchised with Christmas than ever. We want our three hundred bucks back!
Kyle: But we spent it!
Mayor: Fine. Then we'll sue you. [leaves with the aides] Johnson? [the other aide stays behind]
Aide: [not Johnson] I… used to believe in miracles. [leaves]
Kyle: All that work!
Stan: For nothing.
Mr. Hankey: Boys, I uh, I'm s-, I'm sorry.
Kyle: Sure. Sh-sure, Mr. Hankey.
Cartman: I guess- we might as well- go home now. [theboys leave and Mr. Hankey wilts]
[The Hankey home, night. Inside, Mr. Hankey sits on the little sofa. Cornwallis hops up to him and joins him on the sofa]
Mr. Hankey: It's my fault. All my fault. I got everyone's hopes up.
Cornwallis: But Dad, we can fix the projector.
Mr. Hankey: Aw, it's too late for that, son. everyone' gone home. And I don't know nothin' about projectors. I'm just a stupid piece of crap.
Cornwallis: Dad, you taught me an important lesson: That crap is the cycle of everything.
Mr. Hankey: Aw, that was just a stupid song, Cornwallis! I was jus' tryin' to get you to stop your bitchin'
Cornwallis: No, it wasn't a stupid song. Because you showed me that I have the power and the strength to do anything I want. You made me believe in myself, Dad! Now I'm asking you to do the same.
Mr. Hankey: Son… [reflects for a moment] You're the smartest piece of crap since Albert Poodinger! Come on! [the two of them leave the house]
[The Marsh house, living room, night. The immediate family is gathered]
Sharon: Isn't this a nice Christmas, Stanley? No commercialism and shopping, just a nice f*re and family.
Grandpa: I wanna die. [sleigh music is heard and a light soon fills the air outside. All the Marshes look]
[A view of the suburbs. Lights come on all over the neighborhood, and families begin to come out of their houses. one girl and her parents, another girl and her parents, a boy and girl and their parents, etc. The light everyone sees is the drive-in screen. The short has been repaired and is airing the scene where the boys first meet Jesus. The drive-in soon fills up]
[On screen, Jesus floats down from the sky.]
Kyle: What the--
Kenny: (Nooo!!) [tightens his hood]
[The Broflovski house, night. The frontn door opens and Gerald and Sheila step out with Ike. Kyle follows them out.]
Kyle: They did it! They got it working! [closes the door behind him]
[On screen.]
Jesus: You have blemished the meaning of Christmas for the last time, Kringle!
Santa: I bring happiness and love to children all over the world.
Jesus: Christmas is for celebrating my birth!
Santa: Christmas is for giving!
[A sh*t of the audience]
Crowd: Oh, wow!
[The Hankey house. Amber and Simon stand outside]
Amber: Mom! They got it working!
Autumn: [opens the front door and exits without closing it] What's that? They got your father's penis workin' again? [the three of them leave]
[A sh*t of Stan, Kyle, and Cartman smiling. On screen…]
Kyle: …We actually spoke--to the Brian Boitano.
Stan: Yeah. And you know? I think I've learned something today, it doesn't matter if you're Christian or Jewish or Atheist or Hindu. Christmas still is about one very important thing.
Cartman: Yeah, ham.
Stan: [angrily] No not ham!
[The audience. The boys laugh]
Cartman: Ey! Why the hell did you have me say that?!
Kyle: Heheh, we could make you say whatever we wanted.
[On screen…]
Stan: ...Christmas is about something much more important!
Kyle: What?
Stan: [voice softens] Presents.
Kyle: [softly] Ah.
Stan: Don't you see, Kyle?
Kyle: Yeah.
Stan: Presents.
[The audience…]
Various Flok: …Presents.
Man 5: My God, they're right!
Mr. Mackey: Christmas is about presents. If we all buy presents, everyone benefits. M'kay?
Randy: That is the spirit of Christmas. Commercialism. Becuase it's what makes our country work!
Mayor: They're starting to understand, Johnson.
Ms. Choksondik: We got so caught up in the little things of Christmas, like love and family that… we almost fogot it's buying things that makes our economy thrive.
Mayor: [wearing a handlebar mustache, in falsetto] Hey, the shops are still open. We still have time to shop. [the crowd starts to clamor in agreement, and soon the shops around South Park turn their lights on. Red Harris opens his toy shop up, and the crowd fills the streets, first cheering, then chatting]
Kyle: You did it, Mr. Hankey. You brought back the spirit of Christmas!
Mr. Hankey: No, you did it, boys!
Autumn: Aw, hell, we all did it!
Mayor: Kids, that cartoon was fabulous. How would you like to have your own show and make 100 more of them?
Sttan: Are you kidding? I think we'd rather s*ab ourselves in the head.
Cartman: Yeah. Let's just go home and open our presents.
Kyle: [to Stan] Hey man, if you're Jewish you get presents for eight days.
Stan: Wow! Count me in!
Cartman: Yeah! I'll be a Jew too.
Boys: [leaving with the Mayor]
Dreidel dreidel dreidel
I made you out of clay
Dreidel dreidel dreidel
With dreidel I will play!
[End of A Very Crappy Christmas. Rats rush in from all sides and nibble on Kenny's body.] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "04x17 - A Very Crappy Christmas"} | foreverdreaming |
[Morning, bus stop. Stan and Kyle wait for the bus, and Kyle arrives]
Kyle: [joining the two other boys] Hey you guys! Look what I have!
Stan: What?
Kyle: Four tickets to The Lion King on stage!
Stan, Kenny: [pause] ...Oh.
Kyle: Aww, come on, you guys! It's supposed to be really cool.
Stan: Yeah - no - I'd, it, it sounds really cool.
Cartman: [off-screen, but rushes in] You goys!!! Hey you guys!!! Oh my God!! Oh my God, you guys!!
Kyle: What, doughboy?!
Cartman: I was just- [looks stung, then flashes an angry look at Kyle] I was just watching the TV! They had this commercial.
Stan: So?
Cartman: So, guess what they're gonna say tonight on that show, Cop Drama.
Kyle: What?
Cartman No, come on! Guess! They're gonna say something that's never been said on television.
Kyle: What?!
Cartman: You'll never guess.
Stan: What?!
Cartman: Guess.
Kyle: Goddamnit, Cartman! What are they gonna say on Cop Drama?
Cartman: You ready? [focus on Cartman] Tonight, on Cop Drama, on TV, they're gonna say, [looks both ways] "Shit."
Kyle: [gasps] They're gonna say "shit" on television?
Stan: They can't say "shit" on television!
Cartman: It was just on the news! People are freaking out, dude.
Stan: Holy f*cking shit!
Kenny: (Dude! We've gotta watch!)
Cartman: Yeah. I'm gonna have people over to my house to see it.
Kyle: Bu- but I got these tickets to see Lion King on stage!
Cartman: Maybe you didn't hear me, Kyle: I said "shit!" On television!
Kyle: It's just a marketing ploy by the network. Like that time they had the first male-to-male kiss with Terrance and Phillip?
Stan: Aw, come, on dude! This is history.
Kyle: It's stupid!
Cartman: Jeez, you're a little irritable, Kyle. What's the matter? You got some sand in your vagina?
Kyle: No, I don't have sand in my vagina! I just think it's a little immature for us to be standing around talking about one dumb word being on TV!
[Day, South Park Center for Seismic Activity, water cooler. Randy Marsh and three others sh**t the breeze there]
Randy: Hey, uh, Sam, did you hear the news?
Sam: Yeah, they're gonna say "shit" on television.
Colleague 1: [balding man] And we should all get together and watch it at the bar.
Colleague 2: [with light brown hair] Yeaaahhh!
Sam: Yeah.
Randy: Yeah.
Colleague 2: Hey, are you guys gonna let your kids watch?
Randy: Oh, sure, I mean, you know, Cop Drama is a very artsy, dramatic show.
Sam: And they're gonna say "shit."
[Day, sidewalk. Butters is tagging TELE's as Kyle walks up to him]
Kyle: Hey! Butters! [Butters turns to see Kyle, and the tag is shown: "Butters"] I got tickets to go see Lion King tonight, and I decided to invite [points] YOU before anybody else.
Butters: Oh, sorry, I can't. [Kyle is disappointed] They're gonna say "shit" on Cop Drama, and my mom and dad say I have to watch it with them so that I don't take it the wrong way.
Kyle: How many ways are there to take it?! It's just a stupid word!
Mr. Garrison: [walks by] Hey everybody, it's on in thirty minutes! [people get in their cars and peel out of there, while those on the sidewalks quickly disperse. Only Kyle is left, bewildered]
[Night, the town bar. Many of the town's men, including Randy and his coworkers, are inside watching "Cop Drama." The officers in the show speak in hushed tones]
Cop: [voice-over] Listen, Mitchell, I put my life on the line every day. How dare you accuse me!
Mr. Garrison: Oh, I bet this is it! Here it comes...
Mitchell: I'm doing my job, Frank! We have to know where that evidence was shipped!
Jimbo: Oh! Was that it? Was that it?!
Randy: [annoyed] Shipped. He said "shipped."
Frank: I told you, we don't have a record of that. And besides, -
[Cut to Cartman's house, night. Cartman sits on the sofa with Stan, Kyle and Kenny, and he's eating from a box of Cheesy Poofs]
Frank: - your job is to protect the men who serve this force.
Cartman: Goddamnit, when are they gonna say "shit"?!
Stan: Sshhh!
Mitchell: Maybe... maybe protect them from you?
[Cut to Chef's house, bedroom. He and Principal Victoria watch the show together in bed]
Frank: Maybe you're forgetting who you're talking to!
Mitchell: Then maybe you're forgetting how I used to be a cop, too!
[Cut to the Broflovski house, living room. Sheila and Sharon are enjoying some popcorn as they view the show. Sheila is in the arnchair]
Frank: Yeah? You used to be a lot of things.
Sheila: Oh, he doesn't know Mitchell slept with his wife, does he?
[Cut to the old folks home.]
Mitchell: That's it, I've had enough of this.
Frank: Don't you turn your back on me, you!
[Cut to New York's Times Square, in which a large crowd watches the show from behind a N.Y.P.D. police line]
Mitchell: I said, enough!
[Cut back to Cartman's house.]
Frank: Will it... ever be enough?
Announcer: Cop Drama will return after these messages.
Stan: Jesus Christ! Another commercial? Are they ever gonna say "shit?"
Cartman: I'm sure they're just holding it till the very last scene.
Stan, Kyle: Eugh! [Kyle drops from the sofa and heads away]
Stan: Where are you going, Kyle?
Kyle: [stops and looks back] I'm going to the kitchen! This is stupid!
Stan: But you're gonna miss it! The, they're gonna say "shit" and you're gonna miss it!
Kyle: I don't really give a f*ck! [turns and walks away]
Stan: Oh.
[The bar, later.]
Mitchell: Just understand that it's my job. I still think you're a good cop.
Frank: Well, Mitchell. I guess you're goin'ta do what you're gonna do. Let's just try and stay friends no matter what.
Mitchell: You're right. Maybe I'll ss-see you around.
Frank: Goodbye. Oh, and Mitchell? [voice lowers to a whisper] You... got some shit on the side of your mouth right there.
Mitchell: Oh, yeah, that ole thing, yeah.
Bar Patrons: ...Wwooww!!!
[Cartman's house...]
The Boys: Whoa!!!
[Chef's bedroom...]
Chef: Oh!! [Principal Victoria's jaw has dropped]
[The old folks home...]
Old Folks: Whoa!
[Times Square... the crowd there cheers]
[The bar...]
Jimbo: [awed] They did it!
[Cartman's house...]
Stan: I can't believe they actually said it. [Kyle returns with some food]
Cartman: Dude! You missed it, Kyle! It was so awesome!
Kyle: Well! I hope it lived up to all the hype! You must feel sooo much better now!
Cartman: Kyle, we've gotta get that sand out of your vagina. It's making you cranky. Does it itch?
Kyle: Do you really think anything's gonna be any different now?! [moves fomr one end of the sofa to the other] Do you really think that this will have the tiniest, smallest effect on the world? [moves towards the front door] It's still the same old world out there. Look. [opens the door to find frogs raining down on the neighborhood. The other boys soon join him] What the hell?
Cartman: Whoa, dude, it's raining frogs.
Kyle: Oh, whatever. [steps back inside]
[Channel 4 News]
Anchor Tom: Last night, the daring and bold show, Cop Drama [title screen pops up], broke new ground by saying "SHIT" on television, making "shit" officially okay to say around the country. [poll picture pops up, and is filled in as the announcer continues] A recent poll shows that 24% of Americans think the show has pushed the envelope too far, while a whopping 76% say they don't really give a shit. [A Medical Alert pops up] In other news, a strange virus which causes victims to vomit up their intestines is making life shitty for a small farming community. [a field reporter stands before an ambulance and a barn] Rick Watts has the story.
Rick Watts: Thanks, Tom. Shit is certainly going down here in the small tow- [begins to vomit strenuously, then falls over d*ad]
Tom: Whoa, shit!
[South Park Elementary, day. The school bell rings]
Ms. Choksondik: Alright, children, in lieu of the common usage, I'm s'posed to clarify the school's position on the word, "shit."
Stan: Wow! We can say "shit" in school now?!
Kyle: This is ridiculous! Just because they say it on TV it's alright.
Ms. Choksondik: Yes, but only in the figurative noun form or the adjective form
Cartman: [quizzically] Huh?
Ms. Choksondik: You can only use it in the non-literal sense. For instance, [turns and writes on the board] "That's a shitty picture of me." is now fine. Hoever, the literal noun form of [writes] "This is a picture of shit." is still naughty. [crosses out the sentence]
Cartman: I don't get it.
Stan: Me neither.
Ms. Choksondik: The adjective form is now also acceptable. For example: [writes] "The weather outside is shitty." However, the literal adjective is NOT appropriate. For example: [writes] "My bad diarrhea made the inside of the toilet bowl shitty, and I had to clean it with a rag, which then also became shitty." [crosses it out] That's right out!
Timmy: Sshh...sshh...[draws it out] shit. [grins]
Ms. Choksondik: Very good, Timmy.
Butters: [raises his hand] Huh-uh, Ms. Choksondik, eh, can we say it in the expletive? Like, "Oh, shit," or, "shit on a shingle"?
Ms. Choksondik: Yes, that's now fine.
Cartman: Wow, this is gonna be great! A whole new word!
Kyle: [angrily] It's NOT NEW!! I'm gonna look "shit" up in the encyclopedia and PROVE it!!
Cartman: Don't mind Kyle, everyone, he's just got a little sand in his vagina.
Kyle: THERE'S NO SAND IN MY VAGINA!!!
Ms. Choksondik: [pointing] Boys, watch your language! Shit!
[Kindergarten, day]
Mr. Garrison: And so, children, instead of saying "Hand in your papers," I may now say "Hand in your shit." Any questions?
Filmore: What about, "I have to take a shit"?
Mr. Garrison: NO! NO, Filmore! You can say "I have to poop and shit," or "Oh, shit, I have to poop," but NOT "I have to shit." Are we all clear?
Kindergartners: No.
Mr. Garrison: Look, it's all about context. Well, for example, recently, I have come out and admitted that I was a h*m*. I'm gay. That means that now I can say the word, "f*g." On television they usually don't allow "f*g." But because I'm gay, it's alright. And with the new approval of the word, "shit," that means that finally I am free to say,
Hey, there, shitty shitty f*g f*g,
Shitty shitty f*g f*g, how do you do?
Hey, there, shitty shitty f*g f*g,
Shitty shitty f*g f*g, how do you do?
[pleased] Oh this is great!
[South Park, some days later. The town has taken to using the S word, with S-themed stores and products all over the place. Poeple proudly sport the word on their shirts. An elderly couple walks out of Sh*t 'n Things and stop just outside the door]
Elderly Woman: Why that store has such lovely shit.
Elderly Man: Yeah. [they walk forth] Too bad I don't have shit for cash right now. [camera pans to the right and shows Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey.]
Principal Victoria: Oh, looks like the weather might turn shitty.
Mr. Mackey: Oh, I don't really give a shit. I've done enough shit outside today and shit.
Man: Shit, Peter, you look like shit.
Peter: Oh, shit, I feel like shit. I think I to- [begins to vomit strenuously, then falls over d*ad as people gather to see what's the matter]
Woman 1: Holy shit!
Woman 2: Did you see that shit? [Officer Barbrady arrives]
Barbardy: What kind of shit is this?
Man 1: That is some weird shit. [camera pans up into the sky. Voice-overs from here on]
Woman 3: Susan, your shit's ready!
Man 2: Hey, do you know where this shit goes? [cut to a sh*t of the U.S. with Colorado highlighted. Smoke pours up from cities everywhere]
Man 3: Shit if I know.
Woman 4: Nice going, shit-for-brains.
[a high mountain is shown]
Man 4: Old McDonald took a shit, E I E I O
Man 5: No shit!
[seven knights are shown encased in ice. The smoke reaches them and thaws them out. Music swells. They step forth and walk to the edge of a cliff, looking out over all those towns and cities spewing forth the filthy word. They draw their swords and raise them high, and lightning strikes each of the swords]
[South Park, another day. Mr. Garrisn is walking down the street, singing.]
Mr. Garrison: Hey, there, shitty shitty f*g f*g,
Shitty shitty f*g f*g, how do you do?
Hey, there,-
Man 6: [bumps into Garrison] Oh, shit, 'scuse me. [walks away]
Mr. Garrison: Hey, watch it, f*g.
Man 6: [stops and backs up] What did you call me?
Mr. Garrison: I called you a f*g. Because I'm gay, and that means I'm free to use the word "f*g." So piss off, you f*g-shitter! [laughs and walks away]
Heh, so hay there, shity shitty f*g f*g
Shitty shitty f*g f*g, kutuputupuh [walks past Stan and Cartman. Cartman is sucking on a Popsicle]
Stan: This suck. Now that "shit"'s out, it isn't fun to say it anymore.
Cartman: Yeah, they've taken all the fun out of "shit." We're gonna have to start saying other bad words, like cock and f*ck and... meecrob. [licks his Popsicle]
Stan: What's meecrob?
Cartman: You know, that stuff you get as a appetizer at Thai food restaurants. "meecrob" is way grosser than "shit," dude. I'd scarf down a whole wet bucket fullof shit before I ate another plate of meecrob. [Kyle rushes in with Kenny behind him]
Kyle: You guys! You guys! I've looked up the word, "shit!" I think it might have something to do with people dying!
Stan: What?
Kyle: Haven't you noticed everyone getting sick? It all started when they said "shit" on television.
Cartman: [dismissive] Oh, Kyle, you are so full of meecrob.
Kyle: I am not full of meekro- what? Look, the word "shit" first showed up in English in the 1340s, the same time as something called, "the Black Death."
Stan: What's that?
Cartman: Kyle, do you still have sand in your vagina about us not going to The Lion King with you?! I mean, shit, dude, let it go.
Kyle: Look! It might be a coincidence, but I think we'd better ask someone. Come on! [They walk past Sh*t Shack, and one of the knights steps out of the store as they leave. He sniffs the shirt in his right hand]
[Hollywood, day, the HBC building, home of "Terrance and Phillip." The network president talks to his staff in a boardroom. They're all smiles]
HBC President: ...Seventy-five share. My God, I never thought it was possible.
Director 1: [brown hair and tie] Sir, your "shit" idea has turned the entire network around. We're proud to work for you. [all clap]
Director 2: [a blond] Sir, I'd just like to take this opportunity: I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say, you are the most creative genius in Hollywood, and... well... I'd let you have me if you wanted.
HBC President: Thanks, Roger, but I've only just started. You see, I've already figured out our new marketing scheme technique for the next run of shows.
Director 3: Whoa!
Director 4: Wow, he's unstoppable!
Director 1: What's the new idea?
Director 3: I can hardly wait.
Director 5: I'm about to piss myself!
HBC President: [dramatic. Music swells] This Saturday... on HBC... we're going to say... [music stops] "shit" ...twice.
Director 3: ...Twice!
Director 4: Brilliant!
Director 6: Think of the repetition!
Director 3: It's like saying it once... but double!
HBC President: Well gentlemen, let's get on it!
All: Ho! [they raise their arms up in salute]
[South Park Elementary, day. Chef is singing away in the kitchen, serving up lunch for the kids.]
Chef: Baby you are so fine, and shit!
The shit you do, the shit you say; I'd jump on your shit any day!
[the boys walk in] Oh, hello there, children.
The Boys: Hey Chef.
Kyle: Chef, do you know where "shit" comes from?
Chef: Uh, from your ass, children.
Kyle: [holds his left palm out] No no no! The word, "shit."
Chef: Oooh.
Cartman: [points to Kyle] Detective Sandy Vagina here thinks that "shit" might have something to do with everyone getting sick
Kyle: Ungh, it said in my book that the word, "shit," started the exact same time as something called, "The Black Death."
Chef: The Black Death? Are you sure?
Stan: What's the Black Death, Chef?
Chef: LaToya Jackson, children.
The Boys: Oh.
Chef: But I think back in those days it meant something else: the plague!
[The Library, later. Chef reads from a large book on a large table on the ground floor. To his left sit Stan and Kenny, to his right Kyle and Cartman]
Chef: It says here the word, "shit" has been around for over 600 years. It comes from the Anglo-Saxon word, "skite."
Kyle: Right. But in the 1340s people in England stopped calling it "skite" and started calling it "shit." The same year as the Black Plague.
Librarian: [walks up with a cart of books] This is the oldest book in the library. [stops and holds up the book] A priceless original of England's history. Just about everythign you could want to know about the plague is in this great tome. [blows the dust off the book, and the book disappears in the dust] Oh, shit. Well, this other book has some good information, too. [hands Chef the book and Chef cracks it open. Music starts]
Chef: The Black Plague. Over half of Europe was k*lled by it.
Stan: Look, they're puking out their intestines, just like the people here. [points]
Chef: Look at this, children. [the boys look closer] It says that the people in England believed that the plague was a curse, a dark magic infliction brought on by a mass utterance of a word of curse.
Stan: Word of curse?
Kyle: A c...curse word.
Chef: Of course! I've never even thought about why we use the term "curse word" before.
Stan: Because it brings a curse? Like the Black Death.
Cartman: You guys, look here. [the others move over to see] In this Nancy Drew mystery, Nancy goes to the beach and gets sand trapped in her shoe. This... could explain how Kyle got it in his vagina.
Kyle: Cartman, this is serious!!!
Cartman: So am I, Kyle. If that sand in your vagina doesn't get released, you could become a walking time b*mb. [laughs]
Librarian: [returns] If you don't mind, I'll have to close up now. They're going to say "shit" seven times on HBC and I d-agh! [begins to vomit strenuously, then falls over d*ad]
Stan: Holy shit!
Cartman: Oho, gross!
Kyle: Dude, this plague is spreading like wildfire! [Kenny goes under the weather and coughs. The others look]
Stan: Uh oh.
Kenny: (Uh oh.)
Cartman: Kenny's got it. heh heh.
Kyle: We've gotta do something, Chef. If we don't we don't stop that network, [the lead knight looks into the library from the bushes] "shit" will becvome an even more acceptable word!
Chef: Children, we've got to warn those producers in Hollywood that the plague, and "shit," could be linked!
[An airplane, day. Chef and the boys are headed for Hollywood]
Captain: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. If you look out the right side of the aircraft you can see some interesting shit. [all look right, except Chef and Kenny] And over on the left side, there's some interesting shit, too. [all look left, except Chef and Kenny] Well, we should be arriving in los Angeles in about two hours. Until then we invite you to sit back, relax, and enjoy our shitty service. [Kenny coughs at Cartman]
Cartman: [brushes himself off] Goddamnit, Kenny! Don't get your plague germs on me!
Kyle: Cartman, stop being an assh*le! [camera pans left to the lead knight sitting between two men, reading from THE WORLD NEWS. The knight lowers the paper and looks over at the boys, then sips from his coffee cup]
[HBC headquarters, Hollywood, day, boardroom.]
Director 5: Tha ratings are in, sir. We broke another record last night with the show that said "shit" seven times! [applause]
Director 1: Where is the roof on this thing? I mean, I mean, how can we top ourselves now? [the president walks behind him on route to the head of the table, then sits down]
HBC President: Gentlemen, I have it. The end-all greatest marketing ploy of all time. [applause] Tonight, on HBC, we will air all our sitcoms... LIVE. And have everyone say "shit" in place of their written lines. And we'll call it "Must Shit TV."
Director 1: Bravo!
Director 2: "Night Of A Million Shits!"
HBC President: Now, doing this live will be difficult, so we must- [Chef and the boys burst through the doors]
Chef: Hold on a minute, Mr. Producer!
HBC President: Who are you?
Chef: My name is Chef, and these are the children! We've come to warn you about "shit."
HBC President: [wearily] Oh brother, another Christian protest group
Director 1: Who wants to take this one?
Director 2: I'll get it. [rises and walks over to the guests, with a box of complimentary gifts] Gentlemen, we appreciate your concern. [starts speaking quickly as he hands out beanie turtles, caps, American flags, and T-shirts. Kenny's eyes are bloodshot now] Here at HBC the general goal is providing the highest and most thought-provoking netertainment. How great it is that we live in a country where an artist can express himself freely. That's not only the American spirit, it's the HBC spirit. Which allows us to make great family programs like Halo The Turtle, and of course, everyone's favorite show, Cop Drama. We can't thank you enough for bringing your concerns to our network, for it is you, the loyal HBC viewer, who makes this great network, and indeed, the great country that it is. [ginishes his speech with some confetti, then returns to his chair]
HBC President: Alright, now, as I was saying-
Chef: Hey! Hold on a minute!
HBC President: Aw, are they stil here?
Chef: Haven't you people noticed all the strange things going on?
Kyle: We think that you might have could it by helping make "shit" an everyday word. [the executives just stare back at him]
Director 4: Mhm, right, right.
Kyle: It's true. We think that word might be plaguing our friend, Kenny.
HBC President: Do you have any proof of this?
Kyle: ...Nnno
HBC President: Then [rises] get out of here before we have you thrown out!
Cartman: But... we can keep the Halo the Turtle dolls, right?
[HBC headquarters, Hollywood, day, outside. Chef and the boys exit the building.]
Chef: [defiant] Damn cr*cker-ass producers!
Stan: Now what are we gonna do, Chef?
Chef: I don't know, children. I guess we've got to get the word out to people some other way.
Lead Knight: [arrives, and brandishes his sword] Aaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.
Stan: Oh shit!
Lead Knight: Stand aside! [the boys make way for him, and he rushes into the building]
[HBC headquarters, Hollywood, day, boardroom.]
HBC President: Alright, now, we have to get all our biggest names to say "shit," and then we're gonna- [the knight bursts into the room]
Lead Knight: Halt your evil plans!
Executives: Huh?
Lead Knight: I possess the Rune Stone of Undoing! Who is in charge here? [all the directors point to the president]
HBC President: Oh... [buries his face in his hands, believing his staff did something special for him] nno, you guys didn't hire me a stripper for my birthday-oooh, tell me you guys didn't.
Lead Knight: Show your true form, Geldon, lest you be afraid! Your short time in this world is at an end! [aims the Rune Stone at the president, but nothing happens. The directors just look at him.] Awch. The Rune Stone has no effect! You are not Geldon!
HBC President: I never said I was.
Lead Knight: [wields his sword and rushes towards the president] You will die anyway, for you have spread the word of curse! [decapitates a director]
HBC President: Security! [two officers come in with g*n drawn andn f*re away at the knight]
Lead Knight: Waaarrgh! [the g*n forces him out a window, and he falls to the ground five floors below]
[HBC headquarters, Hollywood, day, outside. Chef and the boys approach the fallen knight.]
Chef: Who are you?
Lead Knight: Take this. [reaches out, and Stan takes the stone]
Stan: What are we supposed to do with it?
Lead Knight: Eeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. [expires]
Kyle: Now what?
Chef: We've got to find people who would know what the hell this is all about. Children, we're goin'ta have to go to the land of castles, knights, and kings!
[Las Vegas, sunset, a view of the Strip, showing many of the attractions that can be found there.]
Announcer: [as Chef and the boys take a people-mover in] Lords and Ladies, we bid you welcome to the grandest casino in the land, Excalibur! [a sh*t of the casino inside, with craps table, one-armed bandits, etc.]
Barker: Take a free spin. Double your odds. [Chef and the boys approach]
Chef: 'Scuse me. Do you work here?
Barker: How can I help you, noble sir?
Kyle: We need some help identifying an ancient English stone.
Barker: A what?
Stan: It might hold the key to a curse.
Barker: Uh... I can help get you some credit or a comp meal, perhaps.
Stan: Dude, we need help from the British!
Barker: Lluhook kid, Thihis is just a casino. I can't help you. You know, not every British person knows about wizards [begins chuckling] and dragons and curses.
Chef: We just need help identifying this. [holds up the stone]
Barker: [suddenly concerned, with hushed tones] The Rune Stome of Gaelic! Where did you get this?
Stan: You know what it is?
Barker: The Skyre once spoke of such a stone! Come, we must see the sorcerer! [leads Chef and the boys off]
[South Park, bar, night. The men are gathered there once again]
Announcer: Get ready for "Must Shit TV!" Starting now, four straight hours of pure shit! It's all live!
[On the set of the Drew Carey show. Drew and Mimi are onstage, with Drew sitting at his desk]
Drew: Hey! Hm, heh, shit! Heh. [studio audience laughs] Ya ain't shit.
Mimi: Hyeh. Dude, ya ain't shit! [more laughs]
HBC President: This is it. My greatest work.
[Excalibur, inside. The barker leads Chef and the boys down a hall and run into a waitress dressed as a damsel]
Waitress: Cocktails. Cocktails.
Barker: There Americans wish to see the Skyre!
Waitress: Let us make haste to the inner sanctum!
[Excalibur, the hallway to the Inner Sanctum. The barker and waitress lead Chef and the boys through]
Barker: How could you foolish Americans bring the wrath of scorn by mass-chanting the word of wretchedness?!
Chef: Aah, yeah. We didn't mean to.
Barker: Didn't you realize "shit" is a curse word?!
Stan: Well, yeah, but I don't think that "curse word" meant... curse word.
Barker: Ha! Leave it to American to think that "no" means yes, "pissed" means angry, and "curse word" means something other than a word that's cursed!!
[The Inner Sanctum. The group enters and walks towards the sorcerer]
Sorcerer: Let me see the stone. [takes it and walks off to his right]
Chef: But I don't get it. People use curse words all the time.
Barker: Saying a word of curse once in a while does nothing. It's only when spoken repeatedly and en masse that the curse takes place.
Sorcerer: [now seated at a table with a book of runes open] Uhuh-I've seen this before. Stones that were used by the Knights of Standards and Practices.
Chef: Knights of Standards and Practices?
Sorcerer: A legion of men sworn to do whatever necessary to keep the words at bay. But... they were just a myth.
[South Park, bar, night. The men watch the Drew Carey Show]
Mimi: You know what? You're dumb as shit!
Drew: Oh yeah?! Well, I don't really give a shit!
Randy: Ng-aah, that word's kind of getting old. It's not really... funny anymore.
Man 7: Yeah, they're gonna have to come up with a new swear word now.
Mr. Garrison: Well, they can't use "f*g." Because you can't say "f*g" unless you're a h*m*.
Randy: Really? So we can't say __g?
Mr. Garrison: No. See, you got beeped.
Man 7: You mean you have to be a __g to say __g?
Mr. Garrison: That's right.
Jimbo: Hell, that's not fair! I should be able to say "f*g." [realizes he wasn't beeped]
Randy: ...Hey, you didn't get beeped.
Jimbo: Uh oh.
Mr. Garrison: Well well well! Guess we learned something new about you, Jimbo, you freakin' f*g! You wanna make out or something?
Drew: [shown] Aw, man, I am up shit creek.
[On the set of the Drew Carey show. The door to stage C opens and in gallop the knights with swords drawn]
Mimi: Serves you right, shit-for-brains!
Drew: Yeah, how could I be such a dumb...sh-
Lead Knight: Say not the word of curse! [throws his sword at Drew. The sword enters through Drew's mouth and out the left side of his head. The handle forces him off his chair and onto a cubicle wall]
HBC President: What the?
Mimi: [rushing in] Holy shit! [another knight chops Mimi's head off from behind]
[South Park, bar, night. The men watch the Drew Carey Show]
Mr. Garrison: Oh boy, this show is really reaching for plot now!
[Excalibur, the Inner Sanctum. The Sorcerer continues with the mythology of the knights]
Sorcerer: The knights were formed to keep curse words to a minimum. Should a curse word ever be let out, they would return. A rune for each word of curse was made, representing each of the eight words that so offended God...
Stan: Look, there's the F-word.
Kyle: And assh*le.
Cartman: I knew it! Meecrob! [the word is shown in close-up] Meecrob is a curse word! God must hate it as much as I do!
Sorcerer: Look at this: The writing here claims this stone can defeat the evil geldon [the page he reads from show a dragon], who will rise when the word of curse has been said enough times to give him power. Then all the world will be destroyed.
Stan: All the world destroyed?
Cartman: My house, too?
Chef: Oh no!
Sorcerer: What?
Chef: Tonight is the "Night of a Million Shits" on HBC! It's gonna be said over and over!
Sorcerer: Then we haven't much time. We must go!
[On the set of the Drew Carey show. The blond knight approaches the cameraman]
Blond Knight: Turn off those devices of broadcast!
HBC President: What is coing on here?! Stop this shit!
Blond Knight: We are the Royal Order of Standards and Practices! [a bald knight joins him]
Blad Knight: We command you to stop saying the curse word!
HBC President: Listen, Mr. Shinypants, I am the head of this network, and I will say "shit" all I want! Shit, shit, shit shit shit, shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit, [gasp. A rumble is heard], shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit! [stops. The rumble gets very loud and the ground begins to heave, as if an earthquake is occuring. The ground splits open and the geldon rises from it. The audience screams as the geldon breathes real f*re out at it]
Oh, shit!
[South Park, bar, night. The TV screen is show, with the HBC logo]
Announcer: And now, back to Must Shit TV, here on HBC.
[On the set of the Drew Carey show. The terror continues - the knights fight the geldon valiantly]
Lead Knight: He is too strong! We cannot fight him without the rune stone!
Director 1: My, my GOD, sir! What have you unleashed upon the world?!
HBC President: I didn't know. [begins to weep into his hands] I DIDN'T KNOW!!!
[South Park, bar, night. The men watch in increasing disbelief]
Randy: I, I can't follow this shitty storyline at all.
[On the set of the Drew Carey show. The terror continues, but Chef and the boys arrive]
Kyle: Wait! [the geldon lets loose another blast of f*re]
Cartman: [as the geldon sets more fires] Oh boy, that thing has really got sand in its vagina! [one knight's horse's tail is on f*re]
Lead Knight: The rune stone! Point it towards Geldon! [Kyle does as ordered, and a flash of light emanates from the rune stone, stunning the geldon]
Geldon: Agh. Dude, lame. Lame! [the ground opens up again and the geldon drops down into the hole] Sorry, dudes. [the ground closes up again]
Cartman: What a stupid voice.
Kyle: It's okay. The curse has been lifted. [the audience falls silent. Kyle and Stan are on stage]
Stan: Yeah. We all gotta make sure it doesn't come back.
Kyle: You see, we've learned something today. Swearing can be fun, but doing it all the time causes a lot of problems.
[Cut to Kyle's home, where he's on TV]
Kyle: We're all saying the S-word too much! [Ike hops in]
Ike: Kyle.
Sheila: [on the sofa with Gerald] Look, Gerald. Kyle's on television! [she's sewing as he reads the paper]
Gerald: [doesn't look up] Uh huh.
[Cut to the old folks' home]
Kyle: The knights of Standards and Practices were created to make sure that bad words were kept to a minimum. "Curse words" They're called that because they are a curse. We have to go back to only using curse words in rare, extreme circumstances.
Stan: And besides, too much use of a dirty word takes away from its... impact. We believe in free speech and all that, but... keeping a few words taboo just adds to the fun of English.
Cartman: [camera cuts to him] So please, everyone, From now on you've got to try and watch your language. [murmurs and a smattering of applause come from the audience]
[South Park, bar, night. The men think over the boys' message]
The men: [one by one] Yeah.
Randy: That makes sense.
Colleague 1: Ain't that right?
Mr. Garrison: Is this still part of the show?
[On the set of the Drew Carey show. The place is calm now]
HBC President: We're sorry, noble knights of Standards and Pracrices, [the knights and the executives approach each other] from now on, we will obey your laws.
Blond Knight: See that you do!
Chef: I'm very proud of you, children. Let's all go home and find a nice white woman to make love to.
Stan: Yeah! And Kenny didn't die!
Kenny: (Yeah, I didn't- Goddamnit! Aargh!) [he keels over, his intestines pouring out over the sound stage]
Stan: Holy shi- [quickly taps his mouth with his hands and releases] poo.
Cartman: Hah, I love you guys.
[End of It Hits The Fan] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "05x01 - It Hits The Fan"} | foreverdreaming |
[South park, night. Randy is driving the boys, including Timmy on the truck bed, through the town. Stuart is with them, but Kyle is not. The boys are in Scout gear.]
Randy: Well, you boys must be pretty excited: your first night of Scouts.
Stan: It's gonna suck. There's gonna be all like, new kids there we don't know.
Kenny: (Yeah.)
Stuart: Well, now, that's part of the fun!
Randy: Yeah. Both Kenny's dad and I were in Scouts for years.
Stan: Was your dad in Scouts, Cartman? Oh yeah, you don't have a dad. [all but Cartman laugh]
Cartman: That's not funny! Jesus Christ!
Stan: [calling to the back] Are you excited for your first night of Scouts, Timmy??
Timmy: Hyeahahah Timmay!
Cartman: Yeah, he's excited.
[Park County Community Center, night, outside sh*t, then inside sh*t. The doors open and the group walks in. A sh*t of the many kids inside, then back to the doors. Butters walks up.]
Butters: Uh hey, fellas!
Cartman: [flatly] Hey, Butters.
Butters: Huhboiy, am I glad to see you guys! There's lots of kids here from other schools, and I don't know anybody.
Randy: Alright, boys, we're gonna head to the bar. We'll be back to pick you up at nine.
Stuart: You boys just make sure to obey the scout leader now. He's the man in charge.
Big Gay Al: [suddenly steps in] Hellooo scouts.
Stan: Hey, it's Big Gay Al!
Big Gay Al: Hello, Stanley. I was happy to see you and your little friends' names on the list!
Timmy: Timmay!
Randy: You're the new scout leader?
Big Gay Al: [walks around the boys and stops behind the dads, hugging them] I just got transferred in. [lets go of the dads and moves further into the room] I think everyone's here now, so we can get started. [stops] Come on, Scouts. We've got work to do! [moves again]
Boys: Hooray! [they start moving, too]
Stan: See ya, Dad!
[Community Center gymnasium. Three tables are set for the scouts to sit at. Big Gay Al walks up to his chair at the center table. Stan, Cartman, Kenny, and Timmy find empty spots on the outside of the table to the left. A small banner hangs from the center table: TROOP 69]
Big Gay Al: Hey, are you parents gonna stand there all night? This meeting is for scouts only, you silly gooses. [Randy and Stuart look on a bit longer, then turn around and walk out. Close-up on the table reveals four older scouts, two on either side of Big Gay Al] Now, before we get started, scouts, I want to introduce you to someone very special here tonight. He's a brave little boy with disabilities who proves just by being here that Scouts are for everyone!
Timmy! [happily] Timmay!
Big Gay Al: So let's all give a big round of applause to little... Jimmy! [points to his right. A boy with palsied legs walks up using only crutches. His face is a bit disfigured, with his mouth very close to his eyes, his right eye pupil under his eyelash, and the whole face shifted to the left.]
Jimmy: Oo-well hello everyoneh. [applause]
Timmy: Jim- Jim-mih?
[The bar, nearby. There's some argument going on inside]
Stuart: Look! I'm not saying the new scout leader's a bad person, I just don't think he should be a scout leader!
Randy: Well he got to where he is by being a good scout; maybe we should just leave him alone.
Man: Well how gay is he?
Stuart: He's really, really gay.
Token's father: Well then, I don't want my boy there, either. [more argument ensues]
Randy: So he's a h*m*. So what?
Stuart: I have nothing against h*m* either, Randy, but the big camping trip is next week! Are you sayin' you're fine with this guy campin' overnight, alone, with our boys??
Skeeter: You know, boys emulate authority figures. Even if it doesn't turn them gay, they could end up all talk and all femmit, prancin' around like girls. [more argument]
Randy: Aw, that's ridiculous.
Priest Maxi: [walks in] People, people, please! You're forgetting that h*m* is a choice! As many of you know, I, myself, went through a... h*m*... phase. But the light of Christ showed me how to change. Just give me two hours with this man, and I can convert him back.
Man 2: [voice only] That's what you said about Peterson, and then you ended up having sex with him!
Man 3: [voice only] That's right.
Man 4: [voice only] You did.
[Community Center gymnasium. The Scouts are well into their first activities]
Big Gay Al: And so that's how to make banana-nut muffins. And now, as a very special treat, our very special friend Jimmy is going to do what he loves most: motivational standup comedy. [Jimmy walks into view] Let's give him a big hand. [applause]
Jimmy: Wow, what a great audience. [applause dies down] Well, just in case you were wondering, I do have a disability. I am totally happy with the way I was born, very much. I travel to different states and talk to kids about being proud of what they are. Mm-my mom says that God has a p-plan for everyone. I guess I was plan B. [the other kids laugh] You guys like imp-personations? [applause]
Timmy: [displeased] Timmy.
Jimmy: How about Jimmy Stewart? "Merry Christmas, movie house." And John Travolta. "Oh my God, Mr. Kotter! Uh Mr. Kotter, oh, oh my God, Mr. Kotter!"
Stan: Jimmy's funny, dude.
Butters: Huh, yeahahah, uhwehell, hehe's the coolest kid with disabilities in the world!
Timmy: [gets angry and crosses his arms] Hmph! [the doors open and in walk Randy and Stuart]
Stuart: Uh, Kenny, it's nine o'clock.
Randy: Come on, Stanley.
Big Gay Al: Oops, guess we're out of time, kids. Now remember, tomorrow you all have bake sales in your respective neighborhoods to raise money. We'll meet back here next Tuesday, and see who raised the most. Good luck.
Stan: Hey, I have a great idea. Why don't we see if Jimmy wants to come be in our Scout club?
Cartman: Hey yeah!
Timmy: [brushng off the idea] Uh Timmuh Timmy Timmy Timmy. [camera pulls back to show Jimmy walking up]
Stan: Hey Jimmy, do you wanna join our bake sale in South Park tomorrow?
Jimmy: Gee, sure, that'd be great! Thanks, fellas.
Randy: [the other scouts leave] Come on, Stan.
Stan: Bye, Big Gay Al. We had a great time.
Kenny: (Yeah, see ya)
Stan, Cartman: Bye, Jimmy.
Jimmy: See ya tomorrow at the bake sale, fellas.
[Randy's truck, night. Randy is taking the boys home.]
Stan: You were right, Dad. Scouts is awesome!
Kenny: (Yeah!)
Stan: We told ghost stories, a-and learned how to make a tornado in a glass bottle!
Cartman: Yeah, and we learned how to make cakes and muffins for our bake sale.
Stan: And best of all, we met this kid named Jimmy. He's disabled, but he doesn't let it ruin his life! He's awesome!
Timmy: [outside, visibly upset] Timmih!!!
Cartman: Yeah, we're gonna use him to help raise money in our bake sale.
Stan: Cartman, don't say "use him," you big thilly goose. [Randy bears down on the brakes, causing Timmy to roll backwards and into the back window]
Timmy: Wa-ah!
Randy: [to Stan] What did you say?!
Stan: [a bit softly, eyes fixed on his fater] I just... called Cartman a name - he's a, he's a silly goose.
Stuart: Uh huh!
Randy: YOU DO NOT SAY "BIG SILLY GOOSE!!" You call him an assh*le like a normal kid!!
Stan: But dad, I was just tryin' tuh-
Randy: STANLEY, YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND AN assh*le THIS INSTANT!!!
Stan: [glances at Cartman] ...assh*le. [looks at Randy again]
Randy: That's better!
Cartman: Don't call me an assh*le, you sonofabitch.
[South Park, next day, Camera pulls back to show a booth next to a stage. On the booth is a banner: "Mountain Scout Bake Sale," and Timmy, Kenny, Cartman, and Butters are manning the booth. Items for sale: cookies, cakes, Dem Donuts. Butters mans the collection box. People walk by this way and that. On stage, Stan prepares to speak.]
Stan: Uh, hello? We are having a bake sale to raise money for scout troop number four seven. Uh, please stop by and give us a hand. And now, for your entertainment, our new best friend, stand-up comic Jimmy! [Jimmy walks up on crutches to the mic and begins]
Jimmy: Wow, what a great audience. I just flew into South Park. Boy, are my crutches tired! [male laughter] What a terrific audience. You know, sometimes people ask me, "Are you angry at God for making disabled people?" I say, "No, I think the world is better with puh-President Bush." [laughter]
Sharon: [heartfelt] What a brave little boy.
Sheila: He's able to use comedy to overcome his handicap! I LOVE him! [Timmy, upset, sighs and crosses hsi arms]
Jimmy: Well, I sure have met a lot of interesting people here in South Park. [more people gather] Hhh-how about that Eric Cartman kid, huh? "Goddamnit! God-. No, Kitty, that's my mud pie! Goddamnit! Eh, Goddamnit!" [more laughter]
Stan: Heheh.
Cartman: I don't sound like that.
Jimmy: And how about that school counselor? "Uh, dr-, drugs are b-bad." [Mackey happily nudges a man to his right] "Uh. Drugs are bad, okay? Uh, drugs are, drugs are bad, okay? Okay?" [Timmy is stewing in his anger] Wow, what a great audience. "Mr. Hat. Be queit, Mr. Hat. Mr.-" [Garrison grins] "Hello there, children. Mr. Hat. Hello- Mr. Hat" [more laughter] "I'm making Salisbury steak for lunch." [Chef looks flattered] "Salisbury steak for lunch." Eb. Uh. "Goddamnit, Goddamnit!" [more, stronger laughter and applause] And of course, my very favorite, "Timmy! Huh. Timmy! Uh liv-, uh, living a lie! Uh living a lie, Timmy!" [the laughter and applause get louder, and Timmy gets livid] "Ti- Timmy, uh living a lie. Heh, heh. Eh Tih- ahah Timmy." Heh. Sometimes it's like, "Please, Timmy, learn a new word," heh. "Timmy! Tu-Timmy!" [more laughter]
Timmy: [angrily] Aaaaaaah! [Stan notices. Quickly, Timmy takes a cake half and throws it right at Jimmy, and it hits. Jimmy leans to his left, and s*ab himself]
Jimmy: Wow, looks like when it comes to comedy, I really t-take the c-keh-c. I really take the cay. I really take the k-keh cake. [cheers and claps abound]
Man: Jim-my! Jim-my! Jim-my!
Timmy: [wailing] Tiiimm-mmiiih!!!!!
[State Mountain Scouts of America headquarters, day, outside sh*t. Inside, three men sit behind a table - a tribunal.]
Head Scoutmaster: Well, this is it. We've simply gotten too many complaints from concerned parents about him. I'm afraid we don't have a choice.
Big Gay Al: [enters the room] Hiya fellas! [waves his left arm quickly]
Head Scoutmaster: How are you today, Scout?
Big Gay Al: I'm super, thanks for asking. The troops are off having bake sales, and I'm pleased to report that we have already raised over $600 for the event. Yippie!
Head Scoutmaster: Oh. Big Gay Al, it has recently come to our attention that you are... gay.
Big Gay Al: Well, stop the presses, did you figure that out all by yourselves, silly buns?
Scoutmaster 1: Yes, well, unfortunately for you, the Scouts have a policy that openly gay men cannot belong.
Head Scoutmaster: We are left with no options, Mr. Al. I'm afraid you are hereby... out of Scouts.
Big Gay Al: [Softly. Somber music plays.] Out of... Scouts?
Head Scoutmaster: We're sorry, Mr. Gay Al.
Big Gay Al: But I've been in Scouts since I was nine - it's a… huge part of my life.
Scoutmaster 2: Uh you must understand that Scouts is a private club. A club that follows certain beliefs, and one of those beliefs is that h*m* is immoral.
Big Gay Al: I see...
Head Scoutmaster: It's nothing against you personally
Big Gay Al: Wull what if I promise not to be gay anymore? [holds up a pinky] Pinky swear.
Scoutmaster 2: We think it's best you just... move on.
Big Gay Al: [dejected] Right. Move on. [turns around, sighs, and walks out]
[South Park streets, day. Timmy sits on the sidewalk as Jimmy ambles towards him.]
Jimmy: Oh, hey Timmy. I'm glad you called, very much. I've been detecting some a-animosity towards me lately, and I was hoping we could bury the hatchet.
Timmy: [holding a gift] Timmih.
Jimmy: What's that?
Timmy: Hur livin' a lah, Timmih. [presents the gift]
Jimmy: A present? You got me a p-present?
Timmy: Timmih!
Jimmy: ...[takes the gift] Gee, you didn't have to do that. I mean, I understand why you've been jealous of my talent. [opens the present] If you work at it, maybe you could be as... handi-capable as I am, huh? [pulls out the contents] Wow, a parka. [an orange one] You-you didn't have to do that, Tim-Tim.
Timmy: [all smiles] Tim-Timmy.
Jimmy: Oh, sure. I'll see if it fits. [Timmy grins with anticipation as Jimmy dons the parka. Next sh*t is of Jimmy looking suspiciously like Kenny] This is very warm. Thanks a lot, Tim-Tim. Well, I'll see you around. [turns around to walk away]
Timmy: Timmih! [grins]
[As Jimmy walks, suspense music comes up. Jimmy reaches the corner, and a safe falls from above and cracks the sidewalk behind him. He crosses the street, and a truck plows into an oncoming car and jackknifes, sending the car backwards through the air. Jimmy is untouched. An eagle tries to swoop him up, but misses. Jimbo and Ned appear atop a building across the street]
Jimbo: There he is! k*ll him! k*ll him! [Ned fires three times] Oh, wait, that's not him. [the two men withdraw, and Jimmy keeps walking]
[Some glass blows out from a window next to Jimmy, followed by a blast of f*re, and Jimmy walks. He crosses the second street and a herd of cattle stampede past him. He continues down the road, and a space shuttle crashes into the sidewalk, nose first.]
Jimmy: [calling back] Thanks again, Tim-Tim.
Timmy: [thwarted] Tim-Timmay!
[Big Gay Al's house, night. Quite colorful front lawn, with fountain, flowers, a flower strip down the middle of the driveway. Soft music plays. Inside, Al sits on his bed looking over framed photos of his Scouting career. Scout Troop 417 - 1988, Camp White Swallow - 1974, his Scout medals, a picture of a black man dresed as Superman. Al sighs and looks over at his Scout uniform. He walks over and takes it down, then walk to his dresser and puts the uniform away in one of its drawers]
Big Gay Al: Hm, bye, Scouts. [closes the drawer. The camera pans to show a man playing a piano] Okay, okay, Marc, stop playing now.
Marc: Hey, don't yell at me! Ya asked me to come over and play sad songs for you to pack to, and then ya yell at me.
Big Gay Al: [approaching] I'm sorry. Sorry. But now I've packed everything wawy, so just... well, play something uplifting, like... "I'm gonna put all this behind me and make it okay" music.
Marc: [starts playing sprightly music] Ooooh, I don't want her. You can have her. She's too fat for me.
Big Gay Al: Ogh! [buries his face in his left hand] Jesus, Marc.
[Park County Community Center, night. A group of men stand outside. The head Scoutmaster exits the building with a big, beefy, decorated Scout leader]
Head Scoutmaster: Parents, this is the new Scout leader, Mr. Grazier. He will be taking over for the h*m*.
Randy: Nice to meet you.
Mr. Grazier: Marsh, right? We kind of actually know each other. Your wife and mine are friends.
Stuart: Your wife, huh?
Head Scoutmaster: Carol is the head of a girls' Mountain Scouts troop.
Stuart: [nudges Stuart, who then smiles] Well, I guess we're off to the bar until nine, then.
Mr. Grazier: Gonna go pound some brews, huh?
[Inside, Jimmy entertains the troops with more of his comedy skit as the men talk outside]
Jimmy: And so I said to him, "Hey, ah-I may be handicapped, bu-but I'm not... deaf." [the other scouts laugh] Wow, what a terrific audience. Well, for my next joke I'm gonna need a vo-volunteer from the audience, very much. How about you, Timmy?
Timmy: [resisting] Timmih!
Jimmy: Sure, come on up here, Tim-Tim. [the boys laugh, and Jimmy approaches] Timmy, ladies and gentlemen. Let's give him a hand, very much. Come to think of it, give him a pair of legs, too. [laughter. Timmy gets angry when Jimmy offers him a Dr. Seuss-like hat.] Here, Timmy, put on this silly hat. [Timmy throws the hat down. Jimmy picks it back up and offers it again.] Just for a second, Timmy. [Timmy throws the hat back at him, an dhe picks it up again] Don't be a jerk, Timmy. [approaches with the hat, but Timmy smacks him away] Hey, don't push me!
Timmy: Timmih! [turns his chair to face Jimmy directly]
Cartman: Cripple fight! [the other boys cheer, but Mr. Grazier bursts through the doors]
Mr. Grazier: That is enough, Scouts! Take your seats! [the boys turn left and go to their seats]
Cartman: Awww!
Mr. Grazier: Alright, Scouts, I am your new Scout Master, Mr. Grazier! [paces back and forth between tables] Together we are going to become the best! The sleekest! The most polished Scout troop in all of Colorado! Isn't that right! [there's no answer] When I ask you a question you will answer "Yes, Scoutmaster!" Do I make myself clear!
Scouts: Yes, Scoutmaster!
Mr. Grazier: Good! Now, the first activity for this evening will be... [hushed] naked pictures [brings forth a camera] I'm going to take some pictures of each of you naked, in case we need them, for later.
Scouts: Awww.
Mr. Grazier: Aw, what is this?! If there's one thing I hate, it's a whining platoon! "We don't wanna do pushups! We don't wanna get up early! We don't wanna have you take naked pictures of us!"
Cartman: [to Kenny] Man, this guy sucks.
Mr. Grazier: Now, fall in and strip down, Scouts!
[Community Center gym, later. The pictures have been taken and the Scouts are dressed and at table.]
Mr. Grazier: Alright, Scouts, we're gonna end this meeting with a little puppet show. [pulls out a smiling Scout hand puppet] Here's a little Scout. He's always prepared. He's always ready. Now, here's a little Scout telling his parents that Mr. Grazier took naked pictures of him. Look what happens. [pulls out a hammer with his left hand and whacks away at the puppet on his right hand. The Scouts are frightened] Oh! No! Aw! Aw! Aw! [his right hand is bleeding, leaving a small pool of blood under the puppet] Do I make myself clear, Scouts!
Scouts: Yes, Scoutmaster! [the parents enter to pick up their boys]
Mr. Grazier: [now hiding his right hand] Oh, hello parents. Alright, that's all the time we have for tonight, Scouts. We sure had a great time, didn't we?
Scouts: Yes sir Scoutmaster! [the troops break and go to their parents. Mr. Grazier walks over to Randy and Stuart, with his right hand behnd his back]
Randy: Wow, you sure whipped those kids into shape.
Stuart: Yeah. Now they're acting like men.
Mr. Grazier: Well, you know what I say about kids: They're all pink on the inside.
Randy: You bet.
Stuart: I heard that.
Randy: See ya, Mr. Grazier. [Randy and Stuart walk out. Mr. Grazier waits till they're gone and then pulls out the pictuers he'd just taken and reviews them]
[Big Gay Al's house, night, living room. Al is on the couch unkempt, covered in a blanket, watching TV, and devouring ice cream. The door bell rings]
Big Gay Al: Go away! I'm d*ad. [the door closes, and soon the South Park troop comes into view and stands in front of him]
Butters: Oh, well, here he is.
Stan: Big Gay Al, what are you doing??
Cartman: Yeah! Get your big gay ass off the couch and come be our scoutmaster again!
Big Gay Al: I can't, kids. I've been... kicked out of Scouts.
Stan: Kicked out? Oh no!
Cartman: But you have to come back. We hate our new scout leader.
Big Gay Al: Really? Oo-why?
Butters: [pause. Stan and Cartman look to him] We can't tell you.
Big Gay Al: Why not?
Butters: [approaches the kidney-shaped table and demosntrates] Oh, no. No. Oh, no. No! Oh no no! [Al is shocked at the implication]
Stan: Please, Big Gay Al. We don't wanna go on a camp trip with this guy.next week.
Big Gay Al: Boys, umph, there's nothing I can do. The Scouts don't allow h*m*.
Jimmy: Well then that settles it! Fellas, what we're gonna hafta do is try to ch... change the Scouts' rules, very much.
[South Park streets, day. The six boys are picketing on the sidewalk. Cartman carries a picket: "Scouting is for everyone!" Butters and Kenny carry a fold-up table between them]
Stan: What do we want?
Boys: Gays in Scouts!
Stan: When do we want it?
Timmy: Timmih!
Stan: What do we want?
Boys: Gays in Scouts!
Stan: When do we want it?
Timmy: Timmih!
Stan: What do we want?
Randy: [slowly, as the boys and Stan continue] Oh, no.
Boys: Gays in Scouts!
Stan: When do we want it?
Timmy: Timmih!
[South Park streets, day, further down the street. The six boys continue picketing.]
Stan: What do we want?
Boys: Gays in Scouts!
Stan: When do we want it?
Timmy: Timmih! [the boys approach Henry's Supermarket]
Stan: Alright, this looks like the perfect place to get some signatures. [a little girl stands at the market's entrance]
Little Girl: Puppies. Puppies for sale.
Cartman: [moves over to her] b*at it, toots! We've got discrimination work to do! [takes her box and looks inside, then tosses it away. She goes after the box]
Stan: Alright, let's set up. [the table's legs come down and Cartman's picket is hung in front of the table. A mic and sound system are set up next to the table. A customer exits the market, and Stan whips out a petition board] Ah hi, we're here to collect signature in support to force the Scouts to accept gays? [the customer gets away, but another one comes] Uh, hello, gays in Scouts? [the customers ignore him] Goddamnit! [All the while Timmy looks down angrily at Jimmy]
Butters: Hey! Why don't we have Jimmy do some stand-up comedy? Like at our bake sale, very much?
Stan: That's a great idea! [takes the mic] Attention, ladies and gentlemen! Now, for your entertainment, stand-up comic, Jimmy!
Jimmy: [takes the mic] Wow, what a great audience. For my first joke, I'm going to need a... volunteer. Come on up here, Tim-Tim. [Jimmy gets the big hat and turns to give it to Timmy, only to see him wheel away. Jimmy follows, and they end up in a parking lot away from the market] Timmy, when I tell you to do something, you do it!
Timmy: Timmih!
Jimmy: Timmy, don't make me k... kick you ass!
Timmy: Timmay!
Jimmy: Put on the hat!
Timmy: [smacks the hat down] TIMMAY!
Jimmy: Pu-put it on!!
Stan: Dude, this looks like it could get ugly. [he and Cartman leave the table and go towards Jimmy and Timmy. Timmy and Jimmy face off and start circling each other]
Timmy: [makes a fist] Timmih. Timmih.
Jimmy: Not this year.
Timmy: Timmih Timmh.
Cartman: Cripple fight!
Timmy: Haaa.
Jimmy: Coem on. Come on!
Timmy: Timmih.
[South Park Church. A service is on, and organ music plays]
Cartman: CRIPPLE FIGHT!!! [after a moment, the congregants get up and leave]
[Henry's Supermarket, inside. Shoppers mill about, getting their items]
Cartman: [on speakers] Attention, shoppers. Outside, we have... cripple fight. Cripple fight outside! [the shoppers abandon their carts and exit]
[Parking lot. Timmy delivers the fist blow, to Jimmy's head, but Jimmy delivers four blows back with his crutches. The third one turns Timmy's head to the left. The fourth one turns Timmy's head to the right and forces the wheelchair backwards. Jimmy recovers and the rivals approach each other anew]
Jimmy: Come on!
[Jimmy jumps up and delivers a blow to Timmy's face, but Timmy responds with four quick blows - a right hook, two left jabs, and another right hook - sending Jimmy to the ground face first.]
Jimmy: [struggling to get up] Man.
Stan: Jesus Christ, dude! [a crowd begins to gather]
Woman: Oh my God!
Man: Just let 'em have it out, Susan. They'll run out of steam soon. [Jimmy gets up quickly and faces Timmy again]
Timmy: Hahnay Timmih.
Jimmy: [swipes at him, but Timmy blocks] Huah!
Timmy: Hahnay Timmih.
Jimmy: [swipes at him again, but Timmy blocks] Come on!
Timmy: Timmih!
Jimmy: No! [swipes at him again, but Timmy blocks and quickly delivers a blow to the face, drawing fist blood] Ow!
[Jimmy recoups and delivers a back-handed blow to Timmy with his right crutch, then measures Timmy and swings the crutch back and launches Timmy out of his chair. Timmy quickly scrambles back to his chair, but Jimmy whacks him away again. Camera movements get more dynamic. Timmy rolls over and Jimmy walks up to him and offers his left hand]
Jimmy: Timmy? Timmy? [Timmy takes his hand and slowly rises to his feet. Jimmy helps him into the chair]
I told you to put on the HAT!! [swings his right crutch and blows Timmy out of the chair again. Jimmy walks up to Timmy and pulls him up by the hair, and swings the right crutch at him, but Timmy blocks it and holds both crutches down]
You dirty f*ck! [hits Timmy with the crutches, and Timmy responds with a headbutt, knocking Jimmy down. Timmy goes down himself]
Man 2: [just arriving] What's goin' on?
Man 3: [turns to answer] Some kind of gay pride rally.
[Timmy gets a hold of Jimmy and delivers a right cross. Jimmy responds by striking Timmy with both crutches, then grounding his crutches and swinging his legs up to strike Timmy agian. Next, Jimmy tries to pull Timmy off the wheelchair head first, then tries to get a reverse headlock on Timmy. Timmy breaks out of it and delivers a blow. They each try a headlock on the other, but the effort forces the wheelchair backwards, and they both fall out.]
Timmy: Lah-livin' a lie!
[Jimmy chokes Timmy for a bit, then rises to jump on him. Timmy tries to force Jimmy off by pushing Jimmy's face back, but Jimmy bites Timmy's fingers. Timmy cries in pain, then flips Jimmy off overhead. Jimmy scrambles up on his crutches as Timmy tends to his bitten hand, and strikes Timmy again, and again. Jimmy then swings his legs into Timmy and flies off - a flying kick. Timmy rises and jumps on Jimmy, grabbing his head and ramming it into the ground twice, then performing an eye gouge. Jimmy works around it and throws Timmy off, then jumps on him, driving a knee into Timmy's crotch five times, sh*t from various angles. Jimmy struggles to get up, and Timmy trips him.]
[Channel 4 News report]
Reporter: Tom, I'm standing out in front of Henry's Supermarket where five brave little boys are holding a rally to support gays in scouting. The rally is drawing so much attention that people all over the country are taking media notice.
Farmer: Those boys have shown me the light. Uh I never knew the Mountain Scouts was a hate group.
Joe: [host of Joe n' Friends] This is a wake up call to America. We cannot turn our backs on gays anymore!
[South Park Bar. People are looking at the report]
Randy: Oh, God, they're actually pulling it off.
Reporter [voice only] The rally has also caught the attention of old Scouts members, like Steven Spielberg, director of such films as Always and 1941.
[Cut to Channel 4 News report]
Steven Spielberg: [at his desk] I salute those boys and their courage. I am hereby cutting all my funding to the Scouts!
Reporter: The rally has also caught the attention of high-powered lawyer, Gloria Allred.
Gloria Allred: [at her desk] It is a disgrace that these h*m* are allowed to discriminate. [rises from her chair and pounds the desk] I am taking this case on, personally!
Reporter: With this kind of support, Tom, these boys are sure to have a victory for gays. Back to you.
Tom: Thanks, Chris. In other news, the FBI has finally caught the child molester known as Mr. Slippyfist. [pictured is Mr. Grazier being arrested, then his mug sh*t] This sick child molester was found with disturbing graphic photos of young boys naked, which we will show you now.
[Cut to South Park Bar for reactions. The men are stunned]
Tom: [voice only] Here's one. And here's another.
Stuart: Kenny?
Randy: Oh my God.
Tom: Here, look at this one. Sick sonofabitch! Here's one right here.
[Jimmy and Timmy have taken to throwing each other all over the place. Jimmy and Timmy land on a car and tumble down to the ground beside it. The camera follows the action closely. Jimmy picks Timmy up and throws him back on the car, then swings his right crutch at Timmy, striking him, and strikes him again on the return swing. Timmy punches Jimmy with his left fist, sending Jimmy spinning around. Jimmy swings at Timmy again, but Timmy ducks and catches Jimmy in a sleeper hold, holding on for a few seconds. Jimmy escapes, then picks Timmy up high and brings him down upon the left knee for a back-breaker. Timmy rises and responds with a neck-breaker, knocking Jimmy out. Both boys lay there, motionless.]
Man: Alright, boys, break it up.
[Colorado Supreme Court, day, exterior sh*t. Inside, the justices enter and take their seats]
Bailiff: All rise.
Chief Justice: In the case of Big Gay Al versus Mountain Scouts of America: due to the overwhelming show of support, it is the ruling of this court that the Scouts must allow Big Gay Al and all gays into their club!
Crowd: Alright! Yeah! Woohoo! [more cheering]
Randy: Well, we'va all learned an important lesson. That just because somebody's gay doesn't mean they're gonna molest children. Straight people do that too.
Crowd: Yeah! [more cheering. Timmy and Jimmy, bruised and battered, sit next to each other]
Chief Justice: And furthermore, the Scout elders will be put into stocks for three days, so they can see how it feels to be outcast!
Crowd: Hooray, yeah, yeahah! [more cheering]
Stan: We did it! We did it!
Glroia Allred: I did it! I did it! Haha! [the press gathers in around her.]
[Colorado Supreme Court, day, outside. Gloria Allred is holding a press conference at the top of the steps at the courthouse]
Gloria Allred: Today is a great day for democracy. The Scouts have been exposed for the vile gay bashers they are. [each of the three Scout elders is in a stock, and underneath each one is written "h*m*" The crowd throws stones at them.] And we all it all to me, and these six brave little boys [the big bird comes down and plucks Kenny right up. The other kids, Al, and Gloria move aside and return, the kids stunned] five... brave little boys. And now, here to take his official oath back in Scouts is Big Gay Al. [moves aside]
Big Gay Al: [as the crowd cheers] Thank you all very much. But I don't want this. [the crowd quiets down and gets confused]
Crowd members: What's he saying?
Stan: Huh?
Big Gay Al: Look, I appreciate what you kids did; really, I really do. But this isn't what I wanted. I'm proud to be gay. And I'm proud to be in a country where I'm free to express myself. But freedom is a two-way street. If I'm free to express myself, then the Scouts have to be free to express themselves, too. I know these men. They are good men. They are kind men. They do what they think is best for kids. No matter how wrong we think they might be, it isn't right for us to force them to think our way. It's up to us to persuade, and help them see the light, not extort them to. Please, don't cut the Scouts' funding. The Scouts help and have always helped a lot of kids. That's why I love them. I will continue to persuade them to change their mind, but this is the wrong way to do it. So, I am hereby dropping my case, and allowing the Scouts their right to not allow gays into their private club.
Man: Uh, uh, HOORAY!
Another Man: Hooray, hey!
Stan: So wait, did we do good?
Butters: Uh yeah, ah I think so.
Cartman: Eh, we kick ass.
Big Gay Al: [approaching the boys] Come on kids, let's go get some ice cream! [moves along]
Gloria Allred: [at the mic] You can't do this! You h*m*!
Jimmy: Well, Timmy, I guess we learned an important lesson, too, very much. There is room for more than one handi-capable person in Scouts.
Timmy: Timmih.
Jimmy: I'm glad we're best friends now. See ya at Scouts. [walks off]
Timmy: Tim-mih.
[Timmy's house, exterior sh*t. Inside, Timmy is working on his computer in his room. He's working the keyboard and the mosue like an experienced user. He sings:]
Timmy: Timmih Timmih Timmih Timmih, Timmih Timmih Timmih. [on screen is a picture of Timmy and Jimmy, in a Photo Wiz program. Timmy traces a cutout around Jimmy's head] Timmih Timmih Timmih Timmih, Timmih Timmih Timmih. [he clips the head off and moves it to the right, and grins] Aaaaah.
Stan: [stops at Timmy's room and enters. Timmy stops work to listen] Dude, Timmy, come on! We're gonna be late for Scouts! [walks out]
[Park County Community Center, day. Inside the boys are seated around the table, and a new Scoutmaster, the head Scoutmaster, is present]
Head Scoutmaster: Alright, boys, I am your new Scout leader. Everything is going to be just fine. No naked pictures.
Timmy: [rolls up to the scoutmaster] Uh, Timmih.
Head Scoutmaster: Yes, Timmy? [Timmh hands him an envelope, which he opens. He takes out a picture] Oh dear. Jimmy?
Jimmy: Yes?
Head Scoutmaster: You know our policy: I'm afraid you're... out of Scouts.
Jimmy: Out of Scouts? [the scoutmaster shows a picture of two naked men holding each other close from the waist down and looking at the camera. The paler man has Jimmy's head pasted over his]
Timmy: [with eyes half-closed, waves at Jimmy and grins] Tim-mih.
Jimmy Huh w-what? [the two other Scoutmasters come up behind Jimmy, pull him out of his chair, and carry him towards the entrance] Hey wait a minute! This is crazy! You can't do this!
Stan: Wow, I never knew Jimmy was gay.
Butters: Me neither. [the two Scoutmasters prepare to toss him out the doors]
Jimmy: No! No! [the Scoutmasters toss him a good distance]
Timmy: [triumphantly] Timmiiih!!!
[End of Cripple Fight!] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "05x02 - Cripple Fight!"} | foreverdreaming |
[South Park, day. People mill around, but a group of them has gathered around a magician, tall and slender, with a severe face]
Magician: Okay, Carol, put the card you picked back into the deck so I can't see ittwah. [Butters and Kenny are watching as Stan and Kyle rush up]
Stan: What's going on? [he and Kyle have ice cream cones. He has vanilla, Kyle strawberry]
Butters: Uh this feller David Blaine. He's doin' magic tricks. Hey, where'd you get that ice cream?
Blaine: Okay, now hold this card up to the crowd. [Carol takes the card and shows it to the crowd. It is an ace of clubs] Was that the card you picked?
Carol: No, I'm sorry. I picked the four of hearts.
Blaine: Four of hearts? Really? Look again.
Carol: [looks and find the four of hearts in her hand] Daa-ah!
Crowd: Oooohhhh! [applause]
Woman: Whoa
Kyle: That's pretty cool, dude!
Cartman: [walking up] Who's this assh*le?
Kyle: He's a magician named David Blaine, dude. He kicks ass.
Cartman: Hey, where'd you guys get that ice cream?
Blaine: Sir, c- could you come over here? [Jimbo walks over] Now, what I want you to do, Mr...
Jimbo: Kern.
Blaine: Mr. Kern, I want you to just... think about a card. Pick any card, and picture it in your mind.
Jimbo: [shuts his eyes and keeps them shut] O-kay.
Blaine: Okay, jus... s think about your card. [a few seconds pass] okay, look at me. [Jimbo looks at him] Look at me... Look at me... okay, now reach up your ass.
Jimbo: Huh??
Blaine: Go on, reach up your ass.
Jimbo: [reaches into his ass and digs around] Uh, I don't feel nothin'.
Blaine: Deeper.
Jimbo: [groans as he goes deeper] Hhud. I don't feel... hello... wait... wait... [pulls out a card and cleans the crap off it]
Blaine: Was that the card you picked?
Jimbo: [in disbelief] Yes! Oh my God!
Man: O-hoho! [more crowd reaction]
Kyle: Wow, that's cool!
Stan: How'd he do that??
Blaine: Thank you. I've been traveling from town to town for quite a while. I've started quite a following, mostly because of my levitation tricktwah. Watch. [goes into a meditative state] Watch. [slowly, he rises into the air]
Crowd: Whoa!!!
Stan: No way!
Kyle: Damn. That guy is the coolest guy in the universe!
Blainetologist: [passing out panphlets through the crowd] Pamphlet. Pamphlet. Here you go, kids, take a pamphlet. [Kyle takes one and reads from it]
Kyle: "David Blaine Workshop. Learn all about David Blaine at the Center for Magic." Dude, we gotta go.
Cartman: Yeah, and they probably teach you how to do magic tricks!
[The David Blaine Complex, in the middle of nowhere, day.]
Speaker: Hello, everyone. My name is Steven and I've been a Blainetologist for about three years. So, when David Blaine performed his miracles out on the street, what moved you the most?
Stan: His a-miracles?
Steven: Oh yes, you see, David Blaine is much more than a magician. He's a scholar, a visionary, a leader.
Cartman: When are we gonna learn magic tricks?
Stan: Yeah!
Steven: Oh, I've got a trick for you to learn: I can show you how to make your true self appear. Let me ask you all something: Do you consider yourselves to be happy?
Butters: I don't think I'm very happy. I always fall asleep to the sounds of my own screams.
Steven: ...Right, yeh. Eh, see, the reason that you are unha-
Butters: And then I always get woken up in the morning by the sounds of my own screams. Do you think I'm unhappy?
Steven: Wait, the.. the point is... that you can be happy. You see, your friends and parents have programmed you in a way that makes you feel isolated and alone. How many times have you felt like nobody knows the real... you? [focus on a stunned Kyle] You're not really happy.
Kyle: [thinking] I'm not really happy.
Steven: Your potential hasn't even been reached.
Kyle: [thinking] My potential hasn't even been reached.
Steven: [holds up the book] If you look through David Blaine's incredible book, you'll find a lot of life's answers. Let's read some of the book together, shall we?
Cartman: Then we get to be in David Blaine's secret club?
Steven: That's right.
Cartman: Cool.
[Kyle's house, day. In the dining room, Sheila is trying to feed Ike, who is in a baby chair.]
Sheila: Ike, eat your gefilte fish. [Ike pulls away as far as he can]
Ike: No-oo.
Kyle: [rushes in with Blaine's book] Mom. Mom. I found out all about this great new magician named David Blaine:
Sheila: That's nice, Kyle. Ike, eat!
Kyle: We spent all afternoon learning about how we aren't actually happy. I had no idea how unhappy I was until today. They gave me this cool book to read, and I'm already on chapter four..
Sheila: Well, it's nice to see you so interested in something, Kyle. Ike, for the love of Abraham, you are gonna eat this.
Kyle: So can I go to the Magic Camp, to learn how to become a full member? All the other guys are doin' it, and it's only $69.95.
Sheila: Magic Camp? I don't know, bubbe, ask your father. [Kyle turns and walks out] Ike, you will eat this!
[The David Blaine Complex, in the middle of nowhere, day. The new recruits are having their hair shaved off their heads]
Barber: Prepare to be cleansed and release the magic inside you.
Butters: [Solemnly] I am prepared. [the barber takes the clippers and clips Butters' hair off in one swoop. The hair ends up on the floor in one piece] Hoh, jeez, eh it sure got cold in here.
Barber: Next? [Mr. Garrison appears...]
[The David Blaine Complex, main room]
Steven: Congratulations, young Blainetologists. From this day, you are clean. [a sh*t of the new recruits. They all look the same] Now, we have very important work to do! David Blaine is going to put on a big magic show in Denver tonorrow night, where he's going to eat his own head.
Recruits: Wow!
Steven: So it's up to all you new Blainetologists to get as many people there as you can. Whoever gets the most people to come gets a prize! [eight boys gravitate towards each other]
Stan: [talking to a boy between him and Cartman] Kyle, I'm starting to think that this is a really bad idea.
Butters: Ha-I'm not Kyle, I'm Butters. I thought you were Kyle.
Stan: No, I'm Stan.
Kyle: [behind Butters] You're Stan? Where's Kenny?
Stan: Who are you?
Kyle: I'm Kyle.
Cartman: [thinking he's indistinguishable] Heheh, guess who I am, guys?
Stan: Kyle, I think we may have gotten into something bad here.
Kyle: [steps back to join Kyle] What do you mean? We're learning all kinds of cool stuff.
Stan: Look at us, dude. These people are trying to change us somehow. I think it's time we went home.
Kyle: But David Blaine is gonna do more miracles in Denver tomorrow..
Stan: I don't care! I'm leaving! [walks towards the door, but a man blocks the way] 'Scuse me. [eerie music begins]
Aide: Where are you going?
Stan: I'm going home.
Aide: You don't want to go home.
Stan: You said we're free to leave whenever we want
Aide: You are.
Stan: Move out of the way.
Aide: I'm not in the way. You are. Are you unhappy with the Church's teachings? Let's just talk about it
Stan: I don't wanna talk about it, I jus' wanna leave.
Aide: Why don't we go into the back room for a second, and talk? Then you can leave.
Stan: [begns to back away, intimidated] That's okay, I... I changed my mind. I'm... gonna stay.
Aide: That's great news. [escorts Stan back to the group]
[The David Blaine Complex, dorm, night. Stan peers out from a door into a hall.]
Stan: Okay, it's all clear. [exits with Kyle]
Kyle: What are we doing?
Stan: We're getting out of here. This whole thing has gotten way out of hand.
Kyle: Whoa whoa, I'm not going anywhere.
Stan: Come on, Kyle, this is stupid!
Kyle: It's not stupid, Stan. For once in my life I feel like I'm part of something.
Stan: A part of what?! Some gaywad magician's crazy life plan?!
Kyle: Don't call Mr. Blaine a gaywad! He's a brlliant man
Stan: No, they just convinced you that he's a brilliant man! Let's go!
Kyle: I'm not going anywhere!
Stan: Goddamnit, I'm not going with you! I wanna stay here!
Kyle: Huh? I thought you wanted to leave!
Stan: Oh wait, who am I again?
Kyle: You're Stan.
Stan: Oh- oh yeah. God- Goddamnnit, hold on a second. [pulls out his beanie and puts it on] Okay. Now look, dude, I'm getting out of here, and you're a dumbass if you don't come back with me!
Kyle: Then I guess... I'm a dumbass. [turns and walks back to his room. Stan turns back to face the hall and watched Kyle walk away]
Stan: Kyle, please.You- [looks down and to the left, then looks up] You're my best friend.
Kyle: Well, this is what I believe in now, Stan. And if you can't respectr that,... then I guess we're not best friends anymore. [opens the door to his room and walks in. Stan looks, then turns towards the exit and walks out]
[South Park, next day. Cartman and Kyle walk down a sidewalk visiting houses. They approach a pink house.]
Kyle: Hello, ma'am. My name is Kyle. And this is Cartman. We'd like to share our interest in David Blaine with you.
Elderly Woman: Uh oh. My husband warned me about you Blainiacs. I'm sorry, but I'm a Catholic.
Cartman: Uh it... doesn't matter, ma'am. Blainetology is for everyone. There are Blainetologists who are Catholics, Buddhists - why even Kyle here is a g*dd*mn Jew.
Kyle: That's right.
Elderly Woman: So you're not a cult?
Cartman: [giggles] Of course, no. David Blaine is a real person. You may have seen his television specials on ABC. He also wrote a book, and we'd like to share it with you.
Elderly Woman: Well, alright, come on in.
Cartman: Cool. [the woman shows the boys in]
[Elderly woman's house, living room, moments later. The woman and the two boys sit on the sofa. Kyle has his book open.]
Kyle: ...And if you look here, you can see how David Blaine performed the miracle of being frozen in ice at Times Square.
Cartman: Ma'am, have you ever wondered what David Blaine's plan is for you?
Elderly Woman: No, not really.
Cartman: Oh, you see, that, that's inteesting because... I'm so thankful for David Blaine's book, and, I'm so thankful that he showed me the way to true happiness but, I think about his plan often.
Kyle: David Blaine is doing a big performance in Denver tomorrow night. [closes his book] We're sure his magic will entertain and astound you!
Cartman: He's going to eat his own head.
Kyle: How many tickets can we put you down for?
Elderly Woman: Oh, I can't go.
Cartman: Oh, come on, it'll make you a happy person.
Elderly Woman: I am happy.
Cartman: No you're not.
Elderly Woman: Yes I am.
Cartman: No you're not.
Elderly Woman: I really am.
Cartman: No you're not.
Elderly Woman: But I am.
Cartman: No you're not.
Elderly Woman: Alright, two tickets
Kyle: Great!
[Sidewalk. Kyle and Cartman exit the elderly woman's house]
Kyle: That's 15 people we got to agree to come see David Blaine perform in Denver.
Cartman: Yes, Brother Kyle hmm, but our work is not over. We must still recruit ten more audience members in order to get the prize.
Kyle: I think if we try Kenny's neighborhood, we might find a- [they reach the corner. Facing them on the opposite corner is Stan, standing by his bike]
Cartman: Come, Brother Kyle, we have no time for him. [turns right and walks down the street. Kyle looks back at Stan for a few seconds, then follows Cartman. Stan turns and walks down the street in the same direction Kyle and Cartman were walking, but stops when a car appears in front of him. He sees some adult Blainetologists inside. The driver starts the car and moves towards Stan, who turns about face and begins to run with his bike. The car looms behind him and he lets go of his bike.]
Stan: HaaAAAA! [the car totals the bike, bumps Stan onto the sidewalk, and peels away.]
Driver: You'd better watch yourself next time, abandoner! [Stan looks at the car, scared.]
[Jesus' house, next day. Stan walks up and rings the doorbell]
Stan: Hi, Jesus. It's me,
Stan, Jesus: Stan Marsh.
Jesus: Of course. I know you, my child. Come in.
[Jesus' house, living room. A pitcher of water sits on the coffee table]
Stan: This guy is going around doing magic tricks and saying they're miracles! My friend Kyle thinks he's totally awesome!
Jesus: You're good to bring this to my attention, Stan. Cults are a very dangerous thing.
Stan: I read in the Bible that you did miracles, too. If you could go in front of these people and do your miracles, then, they'll all see that David Blaine isn't so special.
Jesus: The miracle I'm most famous for is turning water into wine.
Stan: Can you do it agian?
Jesus: Very well. I shall perform the miracle. Behold. Here you can see ordinary water, clear, clean. Okay now, turn around. [Stan looks at Jesus quizzically. Jesus is now holding the pitcher] Er, nuh, tur- turn around. [Stan turns away and Jesus quickly switches pitchers] Uh, okay now, turn back. [Stan turns back] It is now wine!
Stan: That's it? That's how you did that trick?
Jesus: Wuh well, yeah.
Stan: That trick sucks, Jesus.
Jesus: Oh. Well, I guess it worked a little better on people 2000 years ago.
Stan: Dude, we have to do something. This guy is performing more miracles in Denver tonight. He's gonna get more followers, and it'll be impossible for me to get Kyle out.
Jesus: Then let's go.
Stan: But dude, I'd I don't think you should do that lame water-to-wine trick.
Jesus: Oh,don't worry [rises and joins Stan out the door] I have a few more miracles up my sleeve.
[Denver, night. An arena is shown, and the place is packed. Kyle and Cartman are seated in the third row, with around Blainetologists around them]
TONIGHT
MAGICIAN
DAVID BLAINE
Kyle: This is a really good turnout.
Announcer: And now, ladies and gentlemen, David Blaine. [pyrotechnics go off all around, three spotlights shine on Blaine, and the crowd cheers]
Blaine: Hello, my children.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, may we have silence, please, as magician David Blaine will now eat... his... own... head. [Blaine looks around, and a drumroll begins. Blaine then proceeds to eat his own head, then falls over. A few moments later the crowd roars with approval]
Kyle: Dude, no way! [two female Blainetology assistants rush up and help Blaine stand. One has a little cage, another has a small curtain and rod. The one to his right places the cage whre the head would be, while the one on the left places the curtain in front. A few seconds later, Blaine's head is back on his shoulders. The audience cheers]
Blaine: Thank you, everyone. [the audience quiets down] Our organization grows larger every day. Soon, the government will even have to give us tax-exempt status as a bona fide religion.
Jesus: [walking down the steps towards the stage] Hold!
Man: It's Jesus! [more murmurs]
Cartman: What's he doin' here? [Jesus goes on stage]
Jesus: My children, it is time for you to go home and stop following this false prophet. You should be using your money and time for other things. These are simple magic tricks. His magic is interesting, but will it put food on your table? Feeding the hungry - now that is a miracle! [a cart with loaves and fishes is wheeled in by Stan.] Behold! I havd here fives loaves of bread and three fish. Certainly not enough to feed this entire crowd, but now - turn around [the crowd stares back blankly] Ya need tuh- turn around. [Stan slaps his hand to his forehead, but the crowd turns around. Jesus proceeds to pull bread and fish from behind the cart and pour it over the original bread and fish. Soon the cart is hidden under the food] Okay, now turn back. [the crowd turns back and just looks]
Cartman: Now how the hell did he do that? [Blaine simply extends his right arm, lifts the bread and fish ment*lly from the cart and drops them over by Stan]
Crowd: Wow!
Blaine: Your magic is old and outdated, Jesus! twah. Just like you are.
Jesus: Oh, really. Then what's this [reaches behind Blaine's ear and pulls out a card] Ace of Spades doing behind your ear?
Crowd: Whoa. [some chatter. Blaine then levitates, goes into a spin and disappears into a deck of cards, which then splits in two. Each half traces a circle and then both halves combine to make a larger circle. This circle then becomes a tornado of cards, and David Blaine emerges from the tornado triumphant.]
Jesus: [overwhelmed] Jesus Christ!
Elderly Woman: [seated with her husband] He's incredible!
Blaine: The old religions have failed you! twah. What have they offered except for w*r, poverty, and sadness? Blainetology offers you the key to living your life to the fullest! Will you join us?
Crowd: Yes!!
[The arena, outside. Jesus and Stan exit the arena]
Jesus: His magic is too powerful, Stanley. I've never seen anything like it.
Stan: Then what are we going to do.
Jesus: I cannot face him alone. We must get the help of all the super best friends. [speaks into his left wrist] Buddha. Buddha, come in!
Stan: Super best friends?
Buddha: [on a little screen on Jesus' unique watch] This is Buddha, Jesus. Go ahead.
[A futuristic headquarters, somewhere... Jesus appears on a giant screen as Buddha awaits Jesus' answer]
Jesus: Buddha, we may have a problem. I've just encountered a magic I've never seen before.
Buddha: I'll call everyone together. Come as fast as you can.
Jesus: Come, Stanley. We must travel far and long.
Stan: To where?
Jesus: Distances unfathomable to man. Yea, take hold of my robe, Stanley, and do not open your eyes.
Stan: [shuts his eyes] I am ready.
[Insde an airplane. Jesus and Stan have center seats, and Stan's eyes are still shut]
Jesus: Are you still keeping your eyes clsoed?
Stan: Yeah.
Jesus: Good. Want some peanuts?
[The David Blaine Complex, night. Blainetologists gather in the main room, and a new member is having his hair shaved off]
Kyle: Congratulations, sister. You have heard the noble truth and are now a Blainetologist.
Steven: [rushes up to the podium] Everyone! Everyone, gather 'round! I have great news for all Blainetologists, and for our new members as well. We've just gotten word from Mr. Blaine himself: The government has denied our church's request for tax-exempt status!
Member: But... we want tax-exempt status.
Kyle: Yeah. Why is that good news?
Steven: Be-cause! Mr. Blaine has arranged for all Blainetologists members from every city and state to march into Washington and demand our right for tax-exepmt status by committing a mass su1c1de!
Kyle: Mass su1c1de?
Steven: Mr. Blaine has said that by k*lling ourselves in Washington, we are guaranteed everylasting happiness in the afterlife!
Member: Hehehe, that sounds good. [other members echo the sentiment]
Steven: Get your thngs ready. We leave for Washington at dawn!
Cartman: [jubilant] Did you hear that, guys? We're finally gonna die!
[A blue sky in a big city. The camera pans down to show Jesus and Stan in a park-like setting]
Jesus: Alright, Stanley. You can open your eyes now. [before them is a stone-and-glass building] This is the hall of the super best friends, Stanley, the headquarters for those who stand for what's right.
Mohammed: Jesus, we've been working hard since we got your distress call!
Loa Tse: Who the kid?
Jesus: Stanley, I want you to meet some of the super best friends [they are shown when mentioned]: Buddha, with the powers of invisibility; Mohammed, the Muslim prophet with the powers of flame [he raises his hands palm up and a blast of flame emerges from each hand]; Krishna, the Hindu deity; Jospeh Smith, the Mormom prophet; Lao Tse, the found of Taoism [performs some martial arts moves with his cane]; and Sea-Man, with the ability to breathe underwater and link ment*lly with fish.
Stan: So you mean to tell me that even though people fight and argue over different religions, you guys are all actually friends?
Mohammed: More than friends, young boy, we are super best friends, with the desire to fight for justice.
Joseph Smith: We all believe in the power of good over evil. Except for Buddha, of course, who doesn't believe in evil. [Buddha shrugs and grins]
Stan: Wow.
Mohammed: Jesus, come look at this. [they walk to the monitor console with Stan following] After your distress call, we entered David Blaine in the super best friends' computer.
Sea-Man: [operating the console] Many interesting things showed up. He was raised in New York city by a decent family, but a freak washing-machine accident at the age of 12 made him learn the ways of the black arts.
Buddha: That's right, Seaman. [the other super best friends laugh at how Lao Tse said Seaman's name]
Sea-Man: [insulted] Sea Man!
Buddha: Uh that's what I said. Sea Man. [the others laugh some more]
Sea-Man: Stop it!
[The David Blaine Complex, dorm, night. Kyle walks up to Cartman's bunk.]
Kyle: [whispering] Cartman! Cartman, wake up! Cartman!
Cartman: [sits up abruptly, knocking Kyle off the bed] No, Paula Poundstone! Leave me alone! Eyuh! Uh? [now alert, if confused, and Kyle stands up]
Kyle: It's jsut me.
Cartman: [sighs silently] Brother Kyle? Why do you disturb my rest?
Kyle: Dude. I don't think I wanna be a part of this anymore.
Cartman: What?
Kyle: I think Stan might've been right. Anyway, I think it's going too far. I mean, if I k*ll myself, it's gonna make my family really sad.
Cartman: Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't wanna die either. [points to his groin] I haven't even gotten my pubes yet.
Kyle: I thnk we should bail. If we leave the group, maybe other people will get the courage to leave, too.
Cartman: That co- ugh. [drops to a whisper] That could be difficult, Brother Kyle. But alright, listen: Why don't we sleep on it? If we decide to leave the faction, we can... do it in the morning.
Kyle: Okay. Okay, you're right. [goes down the ladder to his own bunk, underneath Cartman's, and Cartman turns over to sleep] Oh uh Cartman: thanks. [goes to sleep. Later, he wakes up inside a large domed platform. Reflections of five adult Blainetologists and Cartman can be seen on the glass dome. He sits up and blinks] Cartman? [He tries to move, but encounters the glass. He taps to make sure] What the hell? [Camera pulls back to reveal...]
[The David Blaine Complex, main room. The Blainetologists and Cartman look on.]
Cartman: I told on yoo-ou. I told on yoo-ou.
Kyle: What have you done, Cartman?!
Cartman: This is for your own good, Brother Kyle.
Blaine: You must understand, brother Kyle, twah, you know too much about the Church. If you left now, you'd become a danger to our cause.
Cartman: Ah, and you know what else Kyle said? Um Kyyyle, he said that if we were all gonna commit su1c1de, that he wouldn't do iiit.
Kyle: [knocking on the dome] Cartman, you fatass tattle-tale!
Cartman: At least I'm not the boy in the plastic bubble!
Blaine: The su1c1de pact will go as planned. If we die, we all die together. [Cartman and the Blainetologists exit and leave Kyle alone, afraid]
[the Hall of the Super Best Friends, day.]
Narrator: [speaks for the fist time] Meanwhile, at the Hall of Super Best Friends...
Joseph Smith: Look at that, Jesus. His followers are growing at a rate even faster than mine! It appears this David Blaine is as dangerous as you and your young friend had feared.
Stan: I knew it.
Jesus: Here. I have a videotape of his performance the other night.
Joseph Smith: Perhaps we should have Moses look at the tape and see what he comes up with. [Mohammed takes the tape to Moses]
Mohammed: Moses, scan this tape. Can you tell us the source of Blaine's power?
Moses: [just as he appeared in "Jewbilee"] Give me the information. [Mohammed slips the tape into a slot near Moses' tip. Stan smiles]
Stan: Wow, the Moses.
Moses: His magic is a combination of centrifugal line and sleight of hand. Wait a minute: I'm picking up movement from Blainetologists from all over the country.
Lao Tse: The Blainetologists are heading to Washington. But why?
Jesus: Wait a minute. At his performance David Blaine said something about trying to get tax-exempt status.
Joseph Smith: Omigod!
Lao Tse: What?
Joseph Smith: If he gets tax-exempt status, then he'll become a real religion.
Krishna: He would become unstoppable
[Washington D.C., day. The Blainetologists have gathered around the Reflecting Pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial]
Narrator: Meanwhile, in the nation's capital, Blainetologists from all over the country have gathered to commit mass su1c1de!
Blaine: [facing the audience, with the Washington Monument in the distance] If the government will not give us tax-exempt status, then we must prove that we are willing to die for our beliefs, twah.
Steven: Alright, brothers and sisters, gather around. [they do so] It's time to drown ourselves in the Reflecting Pool! [he steps down into the pool] However, the-ah Reflecting Pool is a little more shallow than we originally thought, so to drown ourselves, you will need to lie on your stomach, face down, until you die, as such. [drops down into the water and floats on his stomach, expelling air for a few seconds, then groans to death as water fills his lungs. The corpse begins to float away]
Man: Next! [A woman drops in, than a man...]
[The White House, day. The White House staff gathers at one of the windows to watch. Shown are Princess, Luara and George W. Bush, Karl Rove, and Maggie]
Narrator: Meanwhile, at the White House...
Karl Rove: Mr. President, we can't let them all k*ll themselves!
George Bush: Well we can't give them tax-exempt status, either, Karl!
Larry: [walks in] He-e-ey George! What's gon' on?
[Washington D.C., day. Cartman gets ready to flood Kyle, who's still in the glass dome, with a f*re hose. More corpses float in the Reflecting Pool]
Cartman: Alright, Brother Kyle, it is time for us to die! [pushes the dome into the pool]
Kyle: Cartman! We've been brainwashed, don't you see? We don't have to do this!
Cartman: [brings the hose over] But it's the only way for us to be happy. [plugs the hose into the dome and releases the water]
Kyle: Cartman, no!
[The Reflecting Pool, later]
Blaine: Give us what we want or we will continue to die
Jesus: Not so fast, David Blaine!
Blaine: Jesus! Not again.
Jesus: Yes! But this time, I've brought some help! Super Best Friends! [they fly down as they are announced]
Buddha: Buddha!
Mohammed: Mohammed!
Joseph Smith: Joseph Smith!
Krishna: Krishna!
Lao Tse: Lao Tse!
Sea-Man: Sea-Man!
Jesus: The mass su1c1de is over, Blaine! And so are you!
Blaine: I don't think so. Get them! [Blainetologists go on the att*ck. Two of them go for Mohammed, who sh**t flames at them. They scream.]
Joseph Smith: My ice breath should take care of you. [blasts some air at an oncoming Blainetologist, who freezes in place]
Stan: [emerges from the crowd and looks around the Reflecting Pool] Kyle! Kyle!
Blainetologist: Sweet Salvation! [Stan sees the man drown, then notices a boy in the pool]
Stan: Kyle?? [frantically, he goes into the pool and reaches the boy, turning him over. A few seconds of observation and... gasp] Oh my God, they've k*lled Kenny!
Kyle: [off-screen] You bastards!
Stan: Kyle? [looks to his left and calls out] Oh my God, they've k*lled Kenny!
Kyle: [off-screen] You bastards! [Stan looks up and follows Kyle's voice]
Stan: Oh my God, they've k*lled Kenny!
Jesus: That takes care of them.
Joseph Smith: Now it's your turn, Blaine!
Blaine: Perhaps you need to see some real magic. [floats up to Lincoln's left foot and touches it. His magic infuses the statue with life, and Lincoln breaks free from his chair]
Lincoln: Raaargh! [steps down towards the crowd]
Buddha: Oh this looks like trouble.
Blaine: [floating high above the crowd] So long, Super Best Fools!
Stan: [reaches Kyle] Kyle!
Kyle: Stan!
Stan: Kyle, you can't k*ll yourself!
Kyle: I don't want to k*ll myself. They rigged this thing to fill with water! [tremulous footsteps are felt, and Lincoln is shown walking among the crowd of Blainetologists]
Jesus: We've gotta stop that oversized Abraham Lincoln! Mohammed! [Mohammed rises into the air and blasts Lincoln with flames. Lincoln growls and swats Mohammed away with ease] Great Scott!
Cartman: [trying to drown himself from the edge of the Reflecting Pool] Bliegh! [rises. His body is on land] Yugh. Uh, okay, try agian. Hep [dunks his head in the water again].
[sh*t of Washington D.C. from the Vietnam Memorial. Lincoln is taking buildings off their foundations and tossing them aside. Krishna, in the form of an eagle, flies over the scene. Flames are everywhere.]
Mohammed: It is too powerful, Jesus!
Krishna: [lands] It seems to have no weakness!
Jesus: There has to be a way to destroy it. [raises his left wrist to speak into the watch] Jesus to Moses!
[The Hall of Super Best Friends, day, at that moment]
Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Super Best Friends League...
Jesus: Come in, Moses!
Moses: What?
Jesus: We need to know how to k*ll a giant stone Abraham Lincoln.
Moses: ...Um... Let me think, um... a giant stone John Wilkes Booth?
Jesus: [thinks for a moment] You heard him, Super Best Friends! We've got to make a giant stone John Wilkes Booth!
Mohammed: Krishna, we're going to need wood for a mold!
Krishna: Form of... a beaver! [transforms into a beaver and runs off to chop down trees]
Mohammed: I will find sources to concrete. [points to Sea-Man] You, get the water to mix it with, Seaman. [the other friends laugh]
Narrator: Using the wood that Krishna cut down as a beaver, Jesus uses his master carpentry skills to make a giant mold.
Jesus: That should do the trick. Now for some concrete.
Narrator: Meanwhile, in the ocean depths, Seaman seeks out water to mix with the concrete.
Sea-Man: Sea-Man! [lands on the ocean bottom] Look, Swallow, we should be able to divert the water with that pipe.
Narrator: And so, Seaman and Swallow get to... get to work [laughs]
[The Reflecting Pool, later. Water fills the bubble Kyle is in, and he struggles to breathe]
Stan: Kyle, you have to hold yoru breath! [a giant stone hand comes down and grabs the bubble as Stan looks on helplessly. Everyone backs away from the stone Lincoln as it holds Kyle in its left hand. Lincoln shakes Kyle around like a snow globe, and Stan gets mad] Oh, very funny! [Sea-Man and Joseph Smith pour the raw materials needed for a statue into Jesus' mold, and Mohammed fires the statue like a piece of clay. The likeness of John Wilkes Booth appears on the statue]
Jesus: Lao Tse, bring it to life. [Lao Tse puts index fingers to temples and shuts his eyes to concentrate on the task at hand]
Narrator: Using his power of Taoism, Lao Tse becomes one with the giant stone John Wilkes Booth. [the Booth statue begins to move. It breaks out of its mold, walks up behind the Lincoln statue, and fires one stone b*llet into the back of Lincoln's head. Lincoln's head jerks back, and he falls forward, ending up face down. The bubble falls out of his hand and breaks up on the ground. Kyle is washed out]
Kyle: Wagh. [sits up]
Jesus: It worked. Now freeze over the pool so no one else can drown themselves! [Quickly, Joseph Smith reaches the Reflecting Pool and blows ice-cold air over it. The water turns to white ice as other Blainetologists try to drown themselves. Cartman tries once more, but looks up quickly]
Cartman: Hey, I was just about to do it.
[The Reflecting Pool, later. The crowd of Blainetologists is still there, and the water has melted]
Narrator: Later, at the exact same location...
Blaine: [now in his escape vehicle, on its own launcher] Damn you, Super Best Friends!
Jesus: Your magic is no match for our powers combined, Blaine!
Blaine: Then I guess you win this time, Super Best Fools! But I'll be back! [he fires up the little rocket ship and takes off into the sky]
Jesus: Goddamnit! [behind him and the other Super Best Friends is a city in ruins]
Buddha: It's alright. Everything is as it should be.
Jesus: Oh, shut up, Buddha!
Steven: Our leader, he... he's leaving us! [a Blainetologist, about to drown himself, looks up and sees the ship fly away]
Blainetologist: Don't leave us, David Blaine!
Stan: [with mic. Kyle and Cartman stand some distance to his left] Listen up, everyone! [the Super Best Friends gather behind him] You don't need David Blaine to tell you how to live. See, cults are dangerous because they promise you hope, happiness and, maybe even an afterlife. But in return, they demand you pay money. Any religion that requires you to pay money in order to move up and... learn its tenets is wrong. See, all religions have something valuable to teach, but, just like the Super Best Friends learned, it requires a little bit of them all.
Blainetologist: He's right. He... he's right! [the crowd cheers, and Stan walks over to Kyle]
Kyle: Thanks for savign us Stan. You're my Super Best Friend.
Stan: Your my Super Best Friend too, Kyle.
Cartman: Oh, that's so sweet you guys. [Stan and Kyle are not amused] You wanna go get a room so you can make out for a while? Heheheheheh [Kyle turns and kicks Cartman in the groin, knocking him down]
Kyle: [moves away so Stan can have a turn] Haha, hehahaha.
Cartman: [Stan kicks him] Ah! [Kyle's turn] Ow, stop it! [Stan's turn] Ah! [they continue taking turns kicking Cartman in the groin — Roshambo!]
Jesus: Well, it looks like everything worked out. [the Super Best Friends take off into the air]
Narrator: And so, Jesus and his companios leave Washington. But their return is assured, for there will always be a need for... the Super Best Friends!
[End of The Super Best Friends] | {"type": "series", "show": "South Park", "episode": "05x03 - The Super Best Friends"} | foreverdreaming |
Subsets and Splits