Split (1)

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Opening scene - The first thing we see is the pool house, it's dark. near the door we can see someones shadow and we hear a few knocks. Seth opens the doors himself Seth: Ryan (looks over and sees Ryan still in bed, covered by the covers) ugh buddy come on (opens the blinds letting light in) look I know your bummed that Lindsay left but you can�t live like this alright Seth pulls Ryan�s quilt down from the end, Ryan grabs it up the top and doesn�t look impressed) Seth: hey, do you remember when Summer was leaving for Italy with Zach you refused (points) ta let me stay bed ridden an depressed Ryan: (sits up on his elbows) no I didn�t (sighs) I gave you your space to do what you have to do Seth: true but right now (sits) what I have'ta do is help you so...what can I do, level with me (rubs his hands together) ask an it shall be yours Ryan: (lifts his head) fine, you leaving right now (puts it back down) Seth: ok, anything but that...hey, what about Captain Oats, I�ve seen the way you look at him, you say the word an your pool house is his manger Ryan: (getting fed up) Seth (sits up) Seth: speaking of which are you getting like a little bit sick of the pool house because we can actually switch rooms, you can have mine we jus thought you'd like the privacy Ryan: I do like the privacy, I would like some right now actually Seth: what about a nice private booth at our favourite diner huh, cup'a coffee, short stack a little syrup side'a bacon Ryan: (softly) Seth I mean it (closes his eyes) Seth: extra crispy like the man likes it, maybe those nice little sausage patties Ryan: (means it) Seth shut up (Seth looks at Ryan, shocked) Ryan: please (Seth looks hurt) this thing with Lindsay is...different Seth: different how Ryan: different as in...not fixed by pancakes (Seth goes to speak) an don�t ask me how I feel about waffles Seth: (softly) got it Ryan: ...I don�t mean to take this out on you Seth: no its fine, that�s what I�m here for Ryan: I jus...(hits his pillow) had alotta people in my life who just left...I thought those days were gone but I...guess they aren�t Seth nods, Ryan lies back down) Seth: ok...alright well I�m jus gonna (stands) leave (realises) not...leave but you know what I�m sayin (goes to the door) uh I could give you something to go (shakes his head) its stupid, ok Ryan shuts his eyes, Seth leaves and shuts the door behind him. the camera pans back over to Ryan who shuts his eyes again. Seth slowly walks away from the pool house door. Ryan looks as though he�s thinking. we hear the noise of a door opening and closing {presumably Seth back in the main house} Ryan gets up quickly and throws his bag on the bed, he is standing over at his drawers and shelves throwing clothes onto the bag. he picks up his grey hoody from the first few episodes of season 1 {the one he wears when Luke says he�s a little far from 8mile now} he looks at it and then puts it on. he looks as though he�s looking over toward the main house then he walks out of the frame) Theme song - California by Phantom planet Cohen kitchen - Kirsten walks in and Sandy is already in there Kirsten: hey honey Sandy: (smiles) hey Kirsten goes to the cupboard and gets herself out a coffee cup, Sandy already has one. Kirsten pours coffee into her cup and puts the pot back. Kirsten realises what she did) Kirsten: oh, right coffee (pours it into Sandy�s cup) Sandy: thanks Sandy pulls his cup away but Kirsten keeps pouring, coffee goes over the bench) at the same time: Kirsten: ooo Sandy: oh Sandy: hey I thought you were I�m (frowns) err Kirsten: oh no I�m s- no no no no, it�s my fault let me Sandy: no no no its mine Kirsten: let me Sandy and Kirsten both to grab a cloth and knock into each other. the toast pops) Sandy: (whipsers) everything�s gonna be fine Kirsten: well if we just (shrugs) act like nothing happened then it'll just be as if Sandy: nothing happened Kirsten looks away, Sandy looks at Kirsten then notices something) Sandy: where�s your ring (Kirsten looks at him) two carats platinum setting, lives on your left hand second finger Kirsten: (looks at her naked finger) I...can�t find it Sandy: you never take that ring off Kirsten: that�s not true, sometimes when I�m washing the dishes or gardening I-I leave it by the sink Sandy: I bet it fell in, I bet it�s stuck in the drain Kirsten: ill call the plumber tomorrow (walks over to Sandy) I'm-I'm sure it�s not lost (smiles and kisses Sandy on the cheek) CUT TO: The diner - Summer is sitting at a booth with a postcard from Italy in her hand, Seth comes in. when Summer sees him she puts the postcard in her bag Seth: (sits) hey Summer: hey (they kiss) Seth: wait a sec (puts up a finger) Summer: but I�ve ben waiting Seth: yeah I know, I�m afraid we have a man down though this thing with Lindsay...has just really kicked Ryan�s ass Summer: which is why it�s a good thing we're like the marines Seth: (frowns) how're we like the marines Summer: we leave no man behind! (Seth nods) look Lindsay may of turned her back on Ryan but we wont, no (shakes her head) you 'have got to cheer him up, semprefy (nods) Seth: oh semprefy Summer: yeah Seth: that�s so cute (they almost kiss) Summer: wait, that has'ta wait, plans an action, I�m gonna ask Marissa to the mall later maybe you guys could come to Seth: (sarcastic) the mall, that would cheer him up for sure Summer: well Seth: alright you know what, fine I will ask him to the mall (points) you know what Summer: hm Seth: now that you an I are back together an Lindsay�s outta the picture Summer: yeah Seth: who knows maybe Marissa an Ryan might get it together Summer: are you crazy, they were like the worst couple ever Seth: I c- Summer: an besides Marissa�s happy now Seth: ok an by happy you mean-you mean gay Summer: (fake laughs) that�s funny CUT TO: Alex and Marissa�s apartment - Marissa tips their laundry over the couch. it�s all pink except for a very red shirt. Alex walks in and sees Alex: ...our clothes are all pink Marissa: uh pink is the new black, I read it in W Alex looks at Marissa, shocked) Marissa: well I mean (picks up the red top) separating your whites, who knew Alex: everyone who's ever had to do their own laundry Marissa: look I�m sorry, we'll get new stuff Alex: with what have you found an after school job Marissa: I�m working on it Alex looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at Alex) Alex: (softer tone) well lucky for you I look really good in pink (smiles) Marissa: maybe today we could do something fun, it�s the weekend (puts her hand on Alex�s shoulder) maybe we could go to the beach, or the pier Alex: that sounds great an I would love to, but I have'ta work (Marissa looks at her) but maybe tonight I can pick up some take out an we can go sit by the water Marissa: ok, sounds good Alex: ok (kisses Marissa�s cheek) oh uh if a big fat guy with an I heart NASCAR tattoo shows up don�t answer the door because he�s our landlord an we're late on rent (laughs) bye Marissa waves, then sighs and sits down with the washing) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Caleb walks in and finds Sandy under the sink Caleb: Sanford,� glad to see you finally found your calling (smirks) where�s Kiki Sandy: Kirsten�s at the office with your wife, there workin on the magazine Caleb: I must tell you I�m really disturbed by Lindsay�s departure Sandy: must you tell me isn�t there anyone else you could tell Caleb: ...I've lost my daughter Sandy: (comes out from under the sink) I�m sorry Cal (sighs) if you wanna talk ill listen Caleb: I hate to admit it but I really screwed up Sandy: hand me the pliers CUT TO: Julie�s office - Julie is in there with Kirsten Julie: why can�t I edit my own magazine Kirsten: because you've never edited a magazine Julie: yeah but why this guy, he launched a magazine called the ugly American Kirsten: I�ve heard'a that, it�s an independent travel magazine It�s won a bunch of awards Julie: fine (frowns) but our magazine is about beautiful Americans (hands Kirsten the paper) Kirsten sighs and Julie walks to the window, she sees a guy talking to her receptionist) Lance: she works here, she�s like the big boss Kirsten: Julie, promise me that you will make the best of this Julie shuts the blinds then peeks through one) Lance: Julie - Cooper ? Nichol now Receptionist: I�m sorry Mrs. Cooper-Nichol is behind closed doors Guy: well tell her Lance stopped by looking for her, she knows me...a little blast from the past Julie looks worried. Kirsten notices) Kirsten: Julie Julie: (turns around) huh Kirsten: did you hear a word that I jus said Julie: (distracted) yeah of course um...yeah I-I couldnt'a said it better myself Julie looks at Kirsten, Kirsten looks at Julie. Julie smiles) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is still working under the sink and Caleb is sitting against the cupboard next to him Caleb: the girl really got to me...I worry about her all the time...how she is what she�s doing (frowns) I was watching a peanut butter commercial on television, I was blubbering like a baby Sandy: (comes out) oh, well there�s nothin like a...a good cry to release the tension, is the crescent wrench over there Caleb: (frowns) what the devil're you doing anyway Sandy: lookin for Kirsten�s wedding ring Seth walks passed on his way out the backdoor) Seth: oh father, I�m glad to see you finally found your calling Caleb: exactly what I said Sandy: ah nothin like a good crack about a plumber Seth: plumber, crack that�s funny (leaves) Caleb looks over at Sandy who is on all fours with his butt sticking out. Caleb looks away) CUT TO: The pool house - Seth knocks on the door, he waits then opens the door Seth: Ryan buddy (sighs) (walks in) you in the latrine soldier Seth sees a note on Ryan�s bed. the bed is made and the place is spotless. Seth picks up the note and reads it. his face drops. the next thing we see is Seth racing back into the kitchen. Caleb watches, Seth grabs the car keys) CUT TO: Alex and Marissa�s apartment - Marissa is cleaning up all the empty beer bottles and rubbish around. there�s a knock at the door. Marissa looks at the door then slowly looks out the curtain trying to see who it is, she looks relieved and opens the door, its Summer Marissa: hey Summer its just you, I thought you were this big fat guy (they hug) with an I heart NASCAR tattoo Summer: ok, not asking why Summer walks in, Marissa pokes her head out the door and looks around before shutting it) Summer: (frowns) what is that uh earthy...musky smell, pot pouri Marissa: oh no that�s skunked beer Summer: well hey it must be awesome ta get away from your mom huh, be outta Caleb�s mansion Marissa: (unconvincingly) totally...I don�t miss it at all Summer: so I�m-I�m sure that you have like these really cool edgy plans with Alex today (Marissa listens) but I have to go to the mall for the clothing drive, battered woman�s shelter Marissa: the mall, sounds great, let me jus grab my purse CUT TO: The bus station - Seth slowly walks up and sees Ryan sitting on a seat, waiting. he walks over Seth: I hope you brought alotta snacks (sits) it�s a long ride to Chicago Ryan: forgot you were an expert (sighs) Seth: oh dude running away, that�s...very Seth Cohen Ryan: no I�m not (looks at Seth) I mean I am but I�m coming back...I jus thought id show up for the weekend, you know suprise her Seth: yeah...I don�t know man I think Lindsay�s had...enough suprises, you should really try an give it some time Ryan: how...how am I spose'ta do that Seth: well for starters you can keep yourself distracted, now...Marissa an Summer are heading over to the mall ta pick up some clothes for charity (Ryan listens) think about what�s at the mall, there�s a movie theatre, there�s an arcade there�s a uh a CPK? featuring exotic toppings from around the world, on a seasoned herb crust an ill tell ya this much, if by tomorrow morning...you still wanna go to Chicago (Ryan looks at him) I promise you, I will drive you to the bus stop myself...an I will generate a fantastic cover story for the parents Ryan: (considers) yeah...yeah (stands) Seth: good, it�s settled Ryan grabs his bag and walks away. Seth is still sitting just as a group of soldier�s walks by) Seth: (smiles) I�m savin private Ryan (stands) CUT TO: The mall - the gng pull up in the car. Seth and Summer in the front, Ryan and Marissa in the back Marissa: ahhh home sweet home Summer: sweet, sweet shopping Seth: twenty four hours buddy your gonna feel like a new man Marissa looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at Marissa. they are awkward with each other. they both get out of the car on opposite sides) Summer: how�s our trooper Seth: (frowns) all our works not done yet Summer: hm (gets out) Seth: (sees the postcard in Summers bag) hey the uh tower of Pisa that�s in Italy right Summer: (grabs her bag) come on (frowns) Ryan an Marissa alone, that�s awkward let�s go they are now inside the mall, in the storage room of the shop that�s donating the clothes) Girl: so the stuff for the battered women�s shelters in those box an on this rack Summer: huh thanks Girl: as if those poor women�s lives weren�t hard enough (holds up a coat) someone should get a restraining order against that coat (Marissa and Ryan look at her) (goes to leave) oh we close early today so don�t take too long Seth: ok, it looks like somebody missed the sensitivity training seminar Summer: (nods) you guys this is gonna be so much fun though, it�s like we have a backstage pass...to the mall Marissa: (smiles) wow Seth: (cutesy) backstage pass to the mall Summer c'mere that�s so cute (Summer laughs and they kiss) Marissa looks at Ryan) Ryan: ill take pants you take sweaters Marissa: sounds perfect Ryan: great we see Summer and Seth still kissing) CUT TO: Julie�s office - Kirsten is looking at different full page photos of Julie Kirsten: d'you think we should put your photon on the cover every month...maybe sometimes we could show Newport, you know a house (Julie turns her nose up) the beach Julie: then what�s the incentive ta buy the magazine...I mean if people wanna see the beach they could just go there Carter: that would just be wrong Kirsten and Julie turn around) Kirsten: hi Carter I-I�m Kirsten Carter: hi (shakes Kirsten�s hand) Kirsten: (points) this is Julie Carter: a pleasure to meet you both Julie: Julie Cooper-Nichol CEO of the Newport Group and founder of Newport Living Kirsten: what Julie meant to say was that she is also pleased (smiles) to meet you (Carter nods) Julie: look uh I don�t know you and I�m not going to lie to you, this magazine is about us Kirsten: it- really more about her Julie: and the people who aspire to be like us...we don�t need some outsider coming in an telling us what to do, no offence (smiles) Carter: none taken, if its any consolation I don�t wanna be here anymore then you want me here (Julie looks at him) Kirsten: you don�t Julie: why not what�s wrong with here Carter: I jus don�t think the world needs more proclamations about how...mukluks are the new uggs Kirsten: our bars not that low Julie: (to Kirsten) he�s right about mukluks write that down Carter: look this can be painless, I know that you resent the publisher foisting me on your magazine...I resent being foisted (Kirsten and Julie look at him) may this be the first of many things we have in common, we'll sit down a couple'a times a week you guy'll do what you want an ill go home with my pay cheque...now, who wants a cocktail (smiles) Kirsten looks at Julie, Julie looks at Kirsten then Carter. Kirsten looks at Carter) CUT TO: Sandy�s home bar - Caleb and Sandy are sitting at it, drinking Caleb: sorry about the ring Sanford Sandy: star? (pours Caleb a drink) Caleb: come come, never picked you for a rum man, thankyou Sandy: thankyou, for ya help much as I resisted it...your support has ben alarmingly genuine Caleb: well what you�re doing is a nice thing for Kiki...guess I figured making one daughter happy might take the edge off hurting the other one Sandy: oh, I don�t know if that�s possible Caleb: (looks at Sandy) how would you know Mr. self righteous I never hurt people I only help them Sandy: I hurt Kirsten... Caleb: (looks at Sandy) what'did you do Sandy: (sighs) (shakes his head) an old relationship came back inta my life Caleb: you had an affair Sandy: no, but (stands) this woman Rebecca was very important to me once an havin her around took a real toll on me an my marriage, so I�m tryin'a make it up to Kirsten, hence my foray inta plumbing (laughs) (sits) Caleb: that ring means alot to her Sandy: well it took me a long time ta save up enough money to buy it Caleb: memory serves you proposed using a prize from a crcker Jack box Sandy: no it wasn�t from a crcker Jack box, I won that ring from the cliff house arcade in San Fransisco Caleb: (laughs) an my beautiful daughter walked around for years with a hunk of plastic on her finger Sandy laughs, remembering. Caleb and Sandy both look at each other, both with the same idea) CUT TO: Alex and Marissa�s apartment - Alex comes home from work and the house is dark Alex: (turns the light on) Marissa Alex puts the food down on the table and looks around, she sees the pink washing still sitting on the lounge. she sits on the floor and dials a number on the phone) Message: Marissa: hey its Marissa, leave a message (beep) Alex: hey uh house isn�t broken into so I�m assuming you haven�t ben abducted but uh...guess I�m gonna jump in the shower, call me (hangs up) CUT TO: The mall - Seth and Summer are mucking around together. Seth puts a sweater around her neck and pulls Summer to him, Summer squeals Summer: aah eww stop wait I feel like I�m gonna break out Seth: awww (they kiss) break out your so cute Ryan walks passed them carrying some bags and drops it down next to Marissa. Marissa looks at him while she�s sorting) Marissa: hey Ryan: hey Marissa: ...so how are you...with Lindsay an everything Ryan: uh honestly I�m not so good, how bout you Marissa: um thrilled to get outta the house Ryan: yeah, you back at your moms Marissa: no Alex�s (Ryan looks at her) I mean...our place I guess Seth walks passed them carrying a bag, he goes to the door and pushes the handle but it doesn�t budge, he pushes it again, then bangs against it with his side. the bang makes Marissa and Ryan look over) Seth: you guys I think we're stuck in here Summer: that clueless sales skank she probably did it on purpose Marissa: well lets jus call someone Summer: (at the door, yells) HEEELLLP! Seth: on the phone Ryan: yeah except there is no phone they all pull out their cells and look, none of them have service) Seth: eh Summer: there�s no cell service...wait I have an idea (pulls out a bobby pin) Seth: oh good idea (to Ryan) here you go buddy go to town Ryan: (looks at Seth) now why would you assume I know how'ta pick a lock Seth: (softly) I didn�t Ryan: c'mon think? Seth: (softly) I jus thought you'd wanna give it a try uh-hm (kneels at the door) sorta my specialty Summer: come on Seth sticks it in the key hole and puts his ear to the door then jiggles it around) Summer: are you getting it Seth: talk to me baby...talk to me Summer: is it going Seth: oh yeah I�m hearin somethin right (we hear a click) mm kay good news guys, I almost got it (stands) but then what happened was uh I broke it Summer: god, this is like the episode of the Valley where Jakes goes to the bank to get his bah mitzvah money out an him an April get locked in the vault Marissa: well how'd they get out Seth: they didn�t, they had'ta wait till the bank opened in the morning Summer: (sad) that�s how April got pregnant Seth: (comforts Summer) sweetie (Summer looks down) Ryan: alright well there�s gotta be a way out of here (looks around) Seth: um Summer: (sighs) (looks) you guys Seth: what�s up Summer: (points) what about over there Ryan looks and he sees an air vent. the next thing we see is Ryan crawling inside said air vent, Seth is not far behind) Seth: hey Ryan what'did I tell you isn�t this great, its like goonies meets die hard by way of mission impossible...with I think a slight hint'a national treasure thrown in Ryan: hey about before when I told you to shut up Seth: yeah I know I�m doing it again Ryan: uh no no uh (sighs) thanks man, for getting me out here, err in here Seth: yeah, not givin up Ryan: yeah Seth moves forward slightly and falls through. we hear a loud thud and broken glass. Ryan goes to the edge, stunned) Seth: (calls) oh Ryan I think I found a quicker way out, unfortunately it involves broken bones an broken glass we are now back in the room with Summer and Marissa) Marissa: well I think this is the last of it (puts a bag down) Summer: yess Marissa: so you an Seth seem happy Summer: yeah (nods/smiles) yeah you know I just...I really want it to be different this time (Marissa nods) for better for worse, I really feel connected to him Marissa nods, we see Ryan back in the air vents and hear Summers voice) Summer: I mean do you feel that way with Alex we see Summer and Marissa how Ryan is seeing them. we can see Marissa�s back, and Summer sitting opposite her) Marissa: well truthfully, I think the only person I�ve ever really felt that way with is... Summer: yeah (nods) Ryan is watching/listening) Summer: I mean is it weird being here with him an me an Cohen Marissa: (shrugs) no, its fine Summer: good (nods) because I know your like you know inta chicks now an everything but d'you ever think about getting back together with him (Ryan listens) I mean Lindsay�s gone now... Marissa: yeah Lindsay�s gone, and he�s heart broken Summer: d'you miss him Marissa: (half smiles) ...every day Ryan is still listening, Marissa looks at Summer and shrugs. Summer smiles. Seth walks through the door) Summer: hey (stands) Seth: hey guys (smiles) where�s um Ryan motions "no" to Seth) Seth: (waves) hey Ryan Summer: ooooh Marissa stands up and looks at Ryan, Ryan goes to climb out. Marissa looks away) CUT TO: Them coming out of the storage room and into the shop Ryan: (sighs) so why is no one else here Summer: the...stores closed Seth: yeah, let�s find an exit an get outta here Ryan: yeah good idea Summer: wait-wait-wait, we�re not going anywhere Seth: yeah I know cause we're trapped so lets you know Summer: yes, trapped in a department store, which is my ultimate - fantasy Marissa and Ryan look at Summer) Ryan: mmkay an what if we get caught Summer: we'll be stealth, come on you guys what could be cooler, go to sleep in a mall (Marissa raises her eyebrows) an wake up in a mall...come on its like being awake but still dreaming, the mall doesn�t open till what 10 am we'll be out before then we could get mc muffins Ryan and Marissa look at Seth) Seth: (thinks) yeah I suppose we could all use a night to forget all our troubles, by all I mean Ryan Ryan: huh (smiles) its true (smile goes) Summer: sooo it�s settled then Seth: ok...what happens in the mall stays in the mall Summer: cool the next thing we see is a change room, the doors are closed and you can just see the legs of each one as the camera pans. the ends of the conversation over lap the start of the next) Summer: oh sorry to wake you...at eight o'clock at night, can you tell my dad that I�m uh sleeping at Marissa�s Marissa: hey uh sorry I missed your call I uh I jus brought some laundry over to my moms place, I was thinking I might jus spend the night...yeah so anyway, call my cell Seth: dad, so uh Ryan an I are trapped in the mall an we're gonna spend the night here, now I know that credit card use is for emergency�s but I may have'ta shell out for a few supplies (hangs up) Seth, Marissa and Summer all come out of the doors at the same time. Ryan is waiting for them) Seth: its a little somethin I like ta call the truth Ryan: (stands) so what what'do we do now Summer: hm, I have an idea (walks over to hockey masks) uh-hm (puts one on) Ryan: your gonna kll us all with a chainsaw Summer: (takes it off) no, highest score gets the bed in the ethan allen? show room, lowest score takes the tent Seth: we're playin sports the next thing we see is a close up of Ryan all geared up, he puts his hockey mask down over his face. then Marissa puts hers down. then Seth puts his down and finally Summer puts hers down. then Ryan holds out a hockey stick, Summer skates passed and grabs one, then Marissa does the same and finally Seth. ok this next bit is them all talking over each other while they play so ill do the best I can to get it all) Summer: alright Seth: come on Summer: oh what the hell is there? Marissa: hey Summer stop him Summer: go go Marissa: Seth quit cheating Ryan scores a goal and Seth looks down between his legs where it just rolled through) Summer: yes Marissa: what, hey that�s not fair Summer: (lifts her mask and yells) come on, off side! Ryan: what that wasn�t off side Marissa: Summer ? block him Summer scores) Summer: yes Ryan: ooooh Seth and Summer high five each other and Seth falls over) Seth: whoa Summer: Cohen,� come on come on get up get up (helps Seth up) up-up-up-up-up, don�t be a baby Seth: get it girls get it, get it the ball ends up bouncing down the escalators, Marissa and Summer follow after it. as they roll off the bottom of the escalator the security camera gets activated, and follows them) Summer: oh my god (lifts her mask) hey look it�s the new body shimmer (Marissa lifts her mask and looks) hm shimmery up above them Ryan and Seth are looking over the edge) Seth: you guys (Marissa and Summer look up) enough'a the sports lets eat Summer: mm (puts her mask down) Marissa puts her mask down and they skate off. the security camera follows) CUT TO: A restaurant - Julie, Kirsten and Carter walk in. Carter pulls out Kirsten�s chair for her at the table. they all sit down then we see the guy from earlier, Lance, sitting at the bar. he looks over at Julie and Julie looks back, stunned Julie: I...I think ill go to the bar Kirsten: great, ill have a pina gracio? Julie: (walks to the bar) no thankyou (to Lance) what the hell are you doing here Lance Lance: aww that�s no way to greet your first love Julie: you weren�t my first love just my first Lance: they say a girl never forgets Julie: yeah well maybe she had so much southern comfort she never remembered in the first place Lance: well maybe we should try a re enactment Lance leans over and touches Julie, Julie pulls away then looks to make sure Kirsten or Carter hadn�t seen) �� Julie: I know you, ok so cut to the chase you wouldn�t be here if you didn�t want something Lance: actually...I have something for you Julie: yeah, last time you gave me something I drank cranberry juice for a week Lance slides a brown paper bag to Julie) Julie: (glares) what'did I ever do to you Lance: oh I�ve ben watchin you rise baby...married to the richest man in town, living in the biggest house Julie: (scoffs) you want money Lance: take a look...tell me how much it�s worth to you Julie: ...I have two daughters now Lance: I know...an aren�t they worth protecting Julie takes the bag and walks back over to Kirsten and Carter) Julie: uh guys I�m-I�m suddenly...not feeling so well um food poisoning or (smiles) something Kirsten: (confused) we haven�t eaten Julie leaves) CUT TO: The mall - Summer is at the tent Summer: (calls) Cohen...Cohen! Seth walks over) Seth: I was foraging here (throws Summer a packet) Summer: what is it (reads) chicken flavoured soy malt, it�s kosher Seth: it�s only thirty six hundred calories Seth puts something in the canoe and Summers bag falls out. he sees the postcard again when he puts it back) Seth: hey Summer Summer: what Seth: could you maybe go grab another uhhh paper mache log for the faux fre...that way we can make fake smores (rubs his hands together and grins) Summer: (thinks) yeah sure (walks off) Seth looks to make sure Summer is gone then goes to grab the postcard, he grabs his wrist with his other hand, stopping himself. he claps his hands together and then looks again) Seth: but I want to (goes to again) dude don�t do it...don�t do it...do- ok Seth bends down and picks up the postcard and starts to read it. he scans with his eyes and frowns. Summer comes back) Summer: hey I can�t fi- Seth quickly turns around and holds the postcard behind his back {busted,lol}) Summer: Cohen, what're you doing CUT TO: Caleb�s mansion - On the TV we see a young Julie open the door to a pizza guy Pizza guy: hey I got a pizza for uh...you (grins) didn�t we have sex Y Julie: no, I�m a virgin, at least I think I am young Julie walks away with the pizza and the pizza boy checks her out - we then see Julie with a remote control in her hand, and the video cover THE prn IDENTITY is sitting on the table near her. Julie watches more) Y Julie: why don�t you stay for a slice, are you hungry Pizza guy: starving...you really dont remember me Y Julie: no (points to her head) I have amnesia, I don�t remember anything (the pizza guy smiles and kisses her - Alex walks in) Julie: (sees Alex) oh my god (turns off the tape) Alex: (looking down) its cool, little prn on a Saturday night my lips are sealed Julie: what're you doing here Alex: looking for Marissa she left a message that she was here Julie: well she�s not (Alex goes to leave) I guess I�m not the only one she lies to huh (Alex looks at her) I know my daughter, I only let her go with you because I knew it was a matter of time before she came back (Alex looks away) as much as Marissa likes to complain she had a very nice life thanks to me...one she'll miss once the novelty wears off...which I�m guessing is about now Alex: (looks at Julie) ...Marissa...Marissa's not happy Julie: Marissa an happy parted ways about her sixteenth birthday but have you met her new friends sullen an vindictive Alex: no, the only ones she�s brought over to the house are scared...an overwhelmed Julie: ...Alex...an...I�m not saying this to be mean, because you...actually seem like a nice enough girl an...I like your pants (Alex closes her eyes) but (sighs) you are this weeks yard guy (Alex looks at her) Marissa�s latest drama, wapon of trture to inflict against me Alex: (shakes her head) (softly) you don�t know that Julie: yeah, honey, I do (nods) Marissa�s only ben in love once an...he looked a whole lot different in a wife beater Alex closes her eyes) CUT TO: The mall - Marissa and Ryan meet up on the stairs Marissa: hey Ryan: hey Marissa: what'd you find Ryan: uh gift basket (holds up a huge basket) crackers, brie, raspberry preserves Marissa: nice...oh candy counter, macaroons licorice bits (Ryan nods) we now are back with Seth and Summer at the tent) Seth: why are you so mad Summer: (walking away from Seth) why we're you looking in my purse Seth: (following) why are you getting postcards from Zach Summer: because um when I talked ta him I told him to send me a postcard Seth: you talked to him Summer: yes (turns around to face Seth) what am I gonna ditch him at the airport an then not take his calls, look Cohen he�s my friend, he�s your friend too Seth: yeah and friends let friends read postcards so why can�t I jus see it Summer: why...can�t you jus trust me that it doesn�t say anything Seth: because I know it says somethings hot, I saw what he wrote, d'you remember how hot it was, an the rest was covered up by a stamp Summer: ugh Marissa and Ryan come over) Marissa: hey we brought macaroons (smiles) Ryan: spray cheese Summer: oooh, who's hungry Seth looks worried) CUT TO: An arcade - Sandy is playing the claw game and Caleb is watching him Caleb: the big yellow one there (points) Sandy: relax, relax your talkin to a master here (the claw goes down and picks up a blue egg) its all in the wrist Sandy looks excited and the claw drops the blue egg into the chute, Sandy pulls the egg out and opens it up) Caleb: blast, another key chain Sandy puts the keychain with a whole stack of them on the machine) Sandy: (disappointed) I really wanted'ta win this for Kirsten...prove to her Caleb: prove to her what Sandy: that she�s the love'a my life, that I cherish her above all others Caleb: you don�t need a crappy piece'a plastic to do that, just tell her Sandy: yeah they both start walking away, Sandy looks back at the machine) Caleb: but you really want that ring don�t you Sandy: more then anything Caleb: ill get more quarters Sandy: more quarters (stands in front of the machine again) CUT TO: The mall - Marissa and Ryan are at the tent now Marissa: we're really roughing it huh Ryan: yeah Marissa: (sits outside the tent) all alone, in the wilderness Ryan turns the camping light on, Marissa looks at him then when he looks at her she looks away) Ryan: (stands) maybe we should find Seth an Summer, watch a movie, we do have like five hundred TV screens all to ourselves Marissa: yeah that sounds good but... Ryan: right probably want their privacy Marissa: (nods) well what happens at the mall stays at the mall (looks at Ryan) Marissa�s phone rings) Marissa: I should uh Ryan: yeah Marissa: (walks away and answers) hey...oh yeah I didn�t end up going to my moms...well I ran inta Summer (Ryan listens) I think I�m jus gonna hang at her place...ill see you in the morning, ok bye (hangs up and walks back) Ryan: Alex Marissa: yeah...oh its not that she�s the jealous type Ryan: right I mean why would she be jealous Marissa: exactly (shrugs) she'd jus be bummed to be missing Ryan: aaaallll this (smiles) (Marissa smiles) Marissa sits back down) Ryan: tired Marissa: exhausted Ryan: go for it ill camp out here, keep an eye out for bears an mall cops Marissa: no you take it Ryan: (smiles) no offence but your not really the roughing it type Marissa: it�s big enough for two, it says it sleeps four Marissa goes inside and Ryan follows - elsewhere we see somebody bend down and pick up the ball they were playing hockey with. a man in a suit and security guard look at each other then at the escalators) CUT TO: Summer and Seth at the bed - they both look unhappy Seth: I�m not mad at you anymore Summer: well I�m mad at you Seth: fine, then I am mad at you, I don�t get it why cant you jus tell me what happened with you an Zach that was so hot Summer: (hears something) shhh Seth: what, don't-don't shoosh me listen Summer: (covers Seth�s mouth) shhh (whispers) company we hear a guy talking on a radio, and see light coming from the escalator - Seth makes his cute little hand signals to Summer. he taps his hands together then makes a circle with his finger then makes circles around his eyes with his thumb and forefingers) Summer: what Seth: that means 2 ? jus go Summer: get out they both run off - then we see inside the tent, Ryan and Marissa are both lying down) Marissa: can�t believe Seth an Summer, back together Ryan: finally, an now we don�t have'ta hear about it Marissa: oh yeah, I�m sure we'll still be hearing about it (looks at Ryan) Ryan: yeah (sighs) there probably fighting right now Marissa: (smiles/laughs) (sits up on her elbow) you remember last year when she went over to his house for thanks giving Ryan: (frowns) yeah an Anna was over there (sits up on his elbow) Marissa: she was so pissed Ryan: yeah I wish we could'a ben there to see it (looks down then looks at Marissa) Marissa: (frowns) yeah, to bad we were busy driving stolen cars around Chino Ryan: oooh, well (sighs) yeah that�s my brother Trey Marissa: yeah, even though we were almost klled it was Ryan: kinda fun Marissa: (softly) yeah Ryan and Marissa look at each other. Seth pokes his head in) Seth: we need to go right now (quickly goes out) CUT TO: The restaurant - Carter and Kirsten are still there together Kirsten: (almost laughing) so your gonna spend the next six months devoted to Julie Coopers vanity project (Carter nods) I...uh what happened to the ugly American, that was the hottest travel magazine Carter: yeah well it�s a long story, actually it�s a short story about a long bender, I was in the middle of a divorce at the time Kirsten: oh I�m sorry Carter: mm why is it whenever I say I�m divorced people act like somebody�s jus died (Kirsten�s smiles) you ever ben married Kirsten: I am married Carter: you�re not wearing a ring Kirsten: I-I lost it...I-I mean I-I t- I took it off an I-I can�t find it Carter: that�s a strong statement, taking off your wedding ring Kirsten: I was potting geraniums Carter: (nods) the night...I realised my wife didn�t love me anymore I-I found her ring by the kitchen sink, she said she'd ben uh...scrubbing a casserole dish Kirsten: those casseroles can be a bitch Carter: so could my ex they both look at each other) Carter: you know I don�t think we've said two words about the magazine since Julie...Cooper-Nichol left the building...I don�t think we've uh accomplished our goals for the day Kirsten: (smiles) well I thought your goal was getting paid for doing nothing Carter: well lets jus say I�m finding Newport Living...alot more interesting then I thought it would be (Kirsten nods) CUT TO: The mall - we see the security guard walking up to the tent with a flash light, and we can hear The Valley, but the guard of course doesn�t know it�s the valley Guard: (draws his g*n) we got em we see the tent with 4 shadows inside which look like humans. the guard walks closer to the tent and opens it up, inside we see 4 clothing dummies wearing the hockey gear from earlier, then the camera shows a close up of the Valley season 1 DVD cover. an alarm sounds and the guard and the guy in the suit turn around. we then see Ryan, Seth, Marissa and Summer bolting in the parking lot to the car. Seth gives Ryan the keys and they all quickly get in, laughing. this time Ryan and Marissa are in the front with Seth and Summer together in the back. Ryan starts the car and reverses up quickly, the tyre screeches) Seth: that was awesome Summer: dude its cold trickle time out lets floor it man Marissa: hey, anyone hungry Seth: um I�m sure Summer would like Italian Summer: god give it up Cohen Seth: ok I will stop with the teasing when you confess Summer: ok (punches Seth in the arm repeatedly) an ill stop punching you when you shut - up Seth grabs Summers hand to stop her hitting him anymore. Marissa looks at Ryan) Seth: yes Summer: ow Ryan: I�m thinkin cheeseburgers Marissa: an chili fries, perfect (smiles) (Ryan smiles) Seth: come on CUT TO: Caleb�s mansion - the phone rings and Julie answers it Julie: hello Lance is in his car, talking on the phone) Lance: enjoy the show Julie: ill write you a cheque for fifty thousand dollars right now Lance: fifty g's, you spend that much to keep your pool clean...I was thinkin more like five hundred thousand Julie: (shocked) are you crazy Lance: I could make more then that sellin that tape on the internet Julie: I cannot get that kind of money Lance: I think you can Julie: without my husband knowing, what am I spose'ta tell him Lance: tell him the truth, that your mom was sick an your sister was pregnant an you realised your tips in waitressing weren�t gonna pay the rent that month...or...make something up (hangs up) Julie hangs up the phone, stunned) CUT TO: Ryan pulling up at the diner Seth: but why cant i Summer: because it�s not a big deal Seth: well if it�s not a big deal Summer: enough!...what'does it matter Cohen Seth: it matters to me Ryan: alright we'll be inside Marissa: you guys coming Summer: no I think uh we need'a stay here so I don�t strangle him in public Marissa: ok, we'll save room in the booth Ryan and Marissa get out) Seth: (sighs) how is it that Ryan an Marissa are now the functional couple Summer: oh my god, ok we cannot be more annoying then Ryan an Marissa...we're monsters Seth: I like monsters but not us Summer: do we not work as a couple anymore...are we all set up an no pay off Seth: all preparation no age Summer: (thinks) ok pinkie swear (holds out her pinkie) if I tell you what�s on the postcard we stop bickering Seth: about the postcard (Summer looks at him) ok (puts his pinkie on hers) pinkie swear Summer kisses her hand, then Seth kisses his! {sooo cute!}) Summer: (gets the postcard) uh-hm ok, look here, right under the stamp what�s so hot, is the weather Seth: ahhh Summer: yeah Seth: yeah right there Summer: yeah and uh if you look down here the sign off well no I love you not even an I miss you but um- Seth: (points) say hi to Seth Summer: yeah Seth: that�s from Zach (smiles) Summer: (puts the postcard away) yeah (bites her lip) Summer and Seth look at each other) Seth: (softly) fine Summer: c'mere (they kiss) well I definitely think we work as a couple CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Sandy is on the bed reading, the clock next to him says 11:21, Sandy looks over and Kirsten walks in Kirsten: sorry I-I didn�t think I was gonna be so late Sandy: (shuts his book) I didn�t find your ring Kirsten: oh you were looking for my ring Sandy: me an your father, we made a day of it...he was upset about Lindsay an I was upset about uh (laughs) I was just upset Kirsten: well we'll find our groove (smiles) an my ring Sandy: in the mean time (gets up) we're gonna have'ta do the dishes an things in the bathroom sink because I...I lost the bolt you know that keeps the pipe an the...the thing together (he�s standing opposite Kirsten now) but just know this Sandy pulls out an egg and opens it, Kirsten looks at it suprised. Sandy smiles and puts the ring on her finger. Kirsten looks at Sandy, Sandy looks at her) Sandy: I love you (Kirsten looks at him with an aww expression) an I�m so sorry I did anything to make you doubt it Kirsten hugs Sandy) FADE TO: Julie by herself, thinking about the tape FADE TO: Alex lying on the couch asleep by herself. the pink clothes are folded neatly and the mess has gone FADE TO: Cohen bedroom - we can hear the shower going, Kirsten takes off her robe and looks towards the bathroom. she walks around the bed and puts the plastic ring down on the table. she opens the drawer and lifts up the cover of a book, 3 rings are sitting there, she picks them all up and puts them back on her wedding ring finger. she closes her eyes and smiles CUT TO: The diner - Ryan and Marissa are sitting together eating Marissa: (smiles) you know...it�s funny...or not funny really but...we've ben apart longer then we were together Ryan: (looks at Marissa) it has ben a while Marissa: yeah, alots happened Ryan: (nods) guess you could say we're kinda like strangers (smiles) Marissa: (smiles) (looks at Ryan) yeah, so who are you Ryan: (with a fry hanging out of his mouth) (looks at Marissa) whoever you want me to be �{for those die hard fans, this is similar to the scene in the pilot episode when Ryan and Marissa first meet on the Cohen�s driveway awwww} Marissa laughs and throws a fry at him. we then see them from outside, the camera pans and we see Seth and Summer standing together watching them through the window. Seth has his arm around her and she has her head on his chest) Seth: ah look at that my little Summer, it seems like the fantastic four is becoming fantastic again (kisses Summers head) the camera goes back to the window and we see Seth and Summer go inside and sit with Ryan and Marissa) - Fade out	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "02x15 - The Mallpisode"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Harbor school in the morning - we see kids doing different things then we see Seth and Ryan walking together outside Seth: hard to believe it but spring is here Ryan: yep, this years jus flyin by Seth: yeah, an you know I gotta say this year...not as good as last Ryan: you think Seth: I do, I mean look we all tried some new things an that was fun Ryan: mm-hmm Seth: uh yard guys, illegitimate daughters, less fighting (Ryan nods) more live music Ryan: well maybe you remember last year as better cause it was all new Seth: so you think i've sentimentalised the past all out of proportion Ryan: yeah, come on I mean, we can't keep livin in last year Seth: sure we can (Ryan looks at him) an check this out man (they stop walking) things are already goin back to the way they were, I'm back together with Summer, your single again Ryan: (nods) I think I know where this is going Seth: yeah ill tell you where it's goin, it's goin to the Harbor school pep rally bonfire (points) (Ryan turns around and we see a banner being raised up in the air. it is a maroon colour and in big white letters is the word SPRING BONFIRE either side of that in smaller letters is PEP RALLY. and underneath spring bonfire is a line of fre) Seth: come on (Ryan turns back to him) you could rally a little pep couldn't you (Ryan shakes his head) especially if you invited a- Ryan: don't say it Seth: ooooh it would be so last year though Ryan: there is nothin goin on with me an Marissa Seth: really Ryan: yeah Seth: so, there's jus no feelings there whatsoever you couldn't care less Ryan: (looks away) it's not about that, besides (points) she's...clearly already taken (we see Marissa getting out of Alex's jeep. she smiles and waves bye to Alex who is driving. Ryan and Seth are watching) Seth: I don't know I don't see any chemistry there...maybe we should ask em to kiss...real slow like (Marissa walks up to them) Seth: hey Marissa: hey Seth: (points) couldn't help but notice the uh bonfire banner Marissa: oh don't talk to me about it, its ben so stressful, I can't even find someone to design the bonfire Seth: mm (looks at Ryan) Marissa: (looks at Ryan) but you guys are coming right Ryan: (frowns) uh I don't know it's a pep rally (Marissa looks at him) Seth: yeah a bonfire pep rally (hits Ryan's arm) you bet we are Marissa: ok cool, well I'm gonna be late (starts walking away) Seth: ok, hey Ryan your going the way of lockers an classrooms why don't you walk her, might be a nice gesture (Ryan looks at him, not impressed) Marissa: ok, thanks Seth: no problem (waves, pleased with himself) Ryan: (walking away) live in the now Seth Seth: I'm sorry I'm afraid I can't do that, bye (Summer walks up from behind) Summer: hi (hits Seth's arm) Seth: hey (goes to kiss Summer) Summer: hey, ohh (puts her hand up) no, don't even think about it Cohen, we have lived through enough of their pain an suffering Seth: yeah an it was awesome Summer: do not meddle with Ryan an Marissa their like combustible Seth: yeah Summer an what better place (Summer sighs) for said combustion...(enthusiastic) then the Harbor school (wiggles his fingers) pep rally bonfire (Summer looks at him) oooooh (wiggles his fingers more) Summer: (looks at Seth) your kinda creeping me out (walks away) Seth: I'm ok with that (smiles) (Summer keeps walking) hey Summer (follows) come on (the camera zooms out and we see the banner from a little away, in the distance Seth has caught up to Summer and puts his arm around her {aww}) Theme song - California by Phantom planet Golf course - we see an aerial view of the green and then we see a golf ball sitting on a tee, the camera gradually moves up to show the golf club and then the person holding the golf club. Kirsten is dressed in a not so flattering golf outfit, she does have a cute visor on though. Sandy's voice is heard but we can't see him yet Sandy: (off screen) alright nice an easy now start that shoulder turn, keep your eye on that ball maintain the spine angle, c'mon turn those shoulders (on screen) (Kirsten raises to swing) (excited) finish that turn feel that weight shift, ya feel the (looks at Kirsten who is looking at him) alright I'm jus gonna stand here, nice an quietly (Kirsten nods) but supportively, alright (Kirsten swings and hits the ball, it doesn't go far or high, she puts her hand on her hip) Sandy: wow (looks at Kirsten) that was good, your feet were a little busy maybe quiet your feet down, c'mon try it again (pushes a golf ball towards the tee with his club) Kirsten: no more try's (Sandy looks at her) I hate golf, I suck at golf, I no longer wanna play golf (shakes her head) Sandy: honey you could only get better Kirsten: ill have'ta take your word for it Sandy: c'mon we could play together...an you look so cute in that visor Kirsten: I do (Sandy nods) I gotta go, we're putting together our first issue (sits) of Newport living an we're tryin'a figure out what photo of Julie to use on the cover Sandy: talk about Sophie's choice, so who'd ya finally get to edit the Medusa monthly Kirsten: Carter Buckley (unties her shoes) he's really great, he uh wants to take it beyond gossip an dish, focus on culture, local art scene Sandy: so it's really more of a pamphlet then a magazine (Kirsten looks at him) (laughs) Carter Buckley, now what's he done before Kirsten: oh a bunch'a stuff, a magazine uh called the ugly American Sandy: yeah Kirsten: National Geographic, GQ, and he self published a magazine called revolution Sandy: (looks up) you gotta be kidding Kirsten: (suprised) you know it Sandy: that was the magazine of Berkeley's left wing, portraits of the misunderstood the marginalised, the crackpots Kirsten: an entire magazine about losers (smiles) Sandy: oh but lovable ones, I read it religiously, wow I'm impressed, you know id love to meet him Kirsten: well uh ill uh ill set something up (walks over to Sandy) Sandy: (sees Kirsten's hand) you found your wedding ring Kirsten: uh yeah behind some cushions, thanks for the lesson (kisses Sandy) (Kirsten leaves and Sandy goes back to practicing his swing) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth walks out of a classroom looking frustrated, then he spies Marissa at her locker. he goes to walk over to her but hesitates, he goes again and again shakes his head and turns the other way, he waits a second then mouths 'yeah' and walks over. Marissa puts some books into her bag Seth: hello Marissa Marissa: hey Cohen Seth: you seem stressed, a little distracted Marissa: yeah well it's this bonfire, it would be really great if we had...you know a (shrugs) bonfire Seth: well Coop, I think I got what ails ya Marissa: (looks at Seth) first of all only Summer calls me Coop Seth: yeah but I figured we're back together now an you know if A=C an B=C then A=B, you know what I'm sayin (raises eyebrows) Marissa: no, I really don't, so what's your plan, whose your social chair saviour (raises eyebrows) Seth: (makes a weird motion with his face) Ryan Marissa: (smiles, shuts her locker) Mr. water polo, I don't think so (they are now walking) Seth: (points) yeah but think about this, that guy worked in no-no-no he toiled in an actual construction job (Marissa listens) also he enjoys architecture an burning stuff down Marissa: he did torch Caleb's model home (Seth nods) but I don't know I mean d'you think he'd say yes Seth: to you, how could he resist...especially now that Lindsay's gone the kids kinda blue Marissa: (considers this) might be good for him, distract him and it would be fun Seth: (a little too enthusiastically) yes, yes (closes his eyes) although I personally don't see the appeal, yes Marissa: (smiles) alright that's a good idea, thanks Seth: don't mention it (nods/smiles) seriously don't, especially to Summer (serious/stern face) (Seth walks away and Marissa's phone rings. she looks at it) Marissa: oooh (closes eyes, answers) hello mother...no I'm not coming home ok, bye (hangs up) CUT TO: Julie's office at the Newport group - Julie has the phone to her ear Julie: please do not (beep) (looks at the phone) she's such a little me (Julie hangs the phone up and sees Lance standing in the door way) Julie: (sighs) ok like your not creepy enough your just appearing in door ways now Lance: (smiles) trouble at home Julie: like id open up to you Lance: (walks in) well, here if you need me Julie: ill keep that in mind, what'do you want Lance: I want my money Julie: again, good to know...how'd you get passed security Lance: charm an good looks, now I know you got this magazine ready to launch Julie: get out Lance Lance: this is not the moment when you want your somehow perfect reputation undone (Julie looks at him) by one bad decision an some not so flattering lighting, you got three days to get me my money (Julie looks worried) or everyone in Newport's gonna see alot more then your face (Lance leaves and Julie looks over at the mock of the magazine, then down at her desk - we then see Lance leaving and Kirsten arriving. she goes over to her secretary) Kirsten: ohhh traffic was terrible, is Carter here yet Secretary: Mr. Buckley left a voice mail at around three thirty AM, said don't expect him today Kirsten: (frowns) three thirty, he say why Secretary: no but I couldn't understand everything on the message, he was...slurring Kirsten: your kidding...well I guess Julie an I will proceed without him (Kirsten turns around and sees Julie) Julie: oh hey Kiks uh can't make the meeting Kirsten: something up Julie: just a critical personal emergency but nothing...important (leaves) Kirsten: well I guess the meetings cancelled Secretary: I can try Mr. Buckley, see if he's changed his mind Kirsten: uh...no ill-ill-ill take care of it (smiles and walks towards her office) CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa and Summer are eating lunch together, outside Summer: so how are you an Alex Marissa: hmm you know, really great Summer: really great or (raises eyebrows) really great Marissa: (same tone as before) really great Summer: thanks for clearin that up for me Coop Marissa: oh hey can you tell Seth never to call me Coop again cause he kinda ruined the nickname Summer: (frowns) Cohen called you Coop Marissa: uh-huh Summer: when Marissa: earlier (Ryan walks over to them) Ryan: hey, hope I'm not interrupting Marissa: no actually I was hoping id run into you Ryan: oh yeah, you were (sits) Summer: (looks from Ryan to Marissa) you were Marissa: (looks from Summer to Ryan) I was, I need someone to build the bonfire for us (Summer listens) an I figured who else has worked in construction, likes architecture Ryan: has brned down a house Marissa: yeah, exactly (Ryan looks at Marissa, Summer looks at Marissa and frowns) Marissa: an I thought it would be fun...working together Ryan: oh you did Summer: (frowns) you did Marissa: yeah, besides if you don't do it then the water polo teams not gonna have a pep rally Ryan: yeah well we can't have that happen, um (Marissa looks at him) sure yeah ok Marissa: (happy, raises eyebrows) you'll do it, that's great (to Summer) isn't that great Summer: it's great (Seth walks over) Seth: what's great Marissa: Ryan's gonna build the bonfire for us Seth: heeey, great idea you two, I love that (Marissa looks at Ryan) makin it happen on behalf'a the school (smiles) Summer: yeah, yeah you know the idea is just - inspired Ryan: (looks at Seth) yeah (grins to let Seth know he knows) Seth: (looks away) well I've got a big test to study for so looks like ill be eating in the library, so long Summer: oh come on, d'you have'ta go (to Ryan and Marissa) you know, will you two excuse me (goes after Seth) Marissa: um, so thanks again ill see you after school (stands) Ryan: yeah sure Marissa: ok, my place Ryan: (frowns) your place with Alex Marissa: yeah, is that a problem Ryan: no (shakes his head) Marissa: ok (smiles, walks off) Ryan: no problem at all... CUT TO: Sandy's office - Sandy is on the phone, and has a manual in his hands. he has a computer and CD's etc laid out over his desk, and towards the door we can see a cardboard box. Sandy: oh I looked in the box this computer does not have an access key, look look look all I wanna do is check my E-mail (Julie is standing at the door, Sandy has his back to her) (frustrated) n-no, do not transfer me (hangs up) Julie: you must'a ben talking ta Marissa Sandy: (turns around) Julie you scared me...more then usual Julie: always a pleasure Sanford Sandy: only Caleb gets to call me Sanford because he wont not, what're you doin here Julie: official business (walks in) an as a new client I'm not impressed Sandy: y'know if this is a marital issue I'm goin'a have to decline, Caleb's got me on retainer Julie: Caleb an I are just fine thanks, and well (pulls out the tape) I'm trying to keep it that way (throws the tape on the desk) (Sandy looks down at the tape. the picture is Julie with a sweat band on and the words THE prn IDENTITY. Sandy looks at Julie, stunned) Julie: uh-hm Sandy: (looks back down at the tape) (softly) oh (looks at Julie and picks up the tape) (Julie looks at him) w- um...I uh...I think this is the first time in my life I'm actually speechless Julie: it was the eighties, I was young I had no money and...it was the eighties (shrugs) Sandy: well that explains everything Julie: I'm not gonna give you my whole sob story, needless to say I never thought that it would resurface Sandy: (looking at the back) so where did this come from Julie: the artur behind this...masterpiece (sits) his name is Lance Baldwin, he's an ex Sandy: so you started with a prn producer an ya ended up with Caleb, see id consider that a lateral move (sits) Julie: he wants half a million (Sandy looks at her) or he goes public on the eve of Newport Livings launch Sandy: oh you gotta go to the cops Julie: no, Sandy no cops an before you even suggest it no Caleb Sandy: ...I am so not the guy for this Julie: (sits forward) Sandy (desperate) please...I am begging you (Sandy listens) forget the company or my marriage...if Marissa ever found out about this I...I mean she's already moved out on me she-she wont take my calls (softly) she would never speak ta me again Sandy: (thinks) oh it's alright Julie (walks over to Julie) you deal with Marissa an ill...ill deal with the Cournel (Julie looks at him) it's a boogie nights reference, expect alot of em (raises eyebrows) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth is in the library with a book up in front of his face. the book is the turn of the screw. Summer comes and stands in front of him, she takes the book off him, shuts it and slams it down hard. Seth looks suprised, he looks at Summer then puts it back up in front of his face, again Summer slams it down hard Seth: fine don't worry about it I wasn't reading Summer: (loud) what the hell is your problem Cohen (everyone in the library says shhh. Summer looks at them) Seth: (softly) your interrupting very studious people, like me (puts the book in front of his face again) (Summer grabs his arm and pulls him up) ok (Summer pulls Seth into the stacks away from everyone) Summer: now no one can hear you scream Seth: what is your problem woman Summer: you are, what'did I tell you about messing with Ryan an Marissa Seth: I was concerned that the water polo team was gonna be without a pep rally this year so I suggested it for the good of the school Summer: Cohen Seth: (looks at Summer) (shrugs) they belong together Summer: no they don't Seth: yes they do, it is me an you an it is Ryan and Marissa an that's the way its suppose'ta be Summer: listen up ass hat, Ryan an Marissa separate, both great people that I love, together disaster so stay away from them (Seth rolls his eyes) alright or otherwise more then the bonfire is going up in flames Seth: I can make no promises (walks away) CUT TO: Marissa walking up the stairs outside. her phone rings. she pulls it out of her bag and looks at whose calling, she smiles and then answers it Marissa: hey, what's up (Alex is on the phone at the Bait Shop) Alex: nothing I-I jus wanted to see what you were up to after school I feel like we haven't had alotta time to hang Marissa: I know I just I have this project to work on after school with Ryan Alex: with Ryan, ah-huh (nods) what thing Marissa: this bonfire pep rally Alex: you never mentioned a pep rally Marissa: yeah well I kind of have a handle on your sense of school spirit Alex: very good point, um so I guess ill jus see you at home (Marissa looks over and sees Ryan walking. he looks at her, she holds her phone with the other hand and does a small wave and smiles. Ryan waves and smiles back) Alex: (waits) hello Marissa: yeah sorry, ill see you later (hangs up) (Alex takes the phone away from her ear then hangs up, she looks worried) CUT TO: Carters apartment - Kirsten walks up to it and all we can hear is music blaring, Carter looks like hell and he's sitting in a chair Kirsten: (yells) hello, anyone here Carter: Kirsten, sorry private party Kirsten: (yells) we had a meeting, you wanna explain what happened Carter: (swivels the chair so he's facing Kirsten) oh it's just a little thing I like to call (sighs) my wedding anniversary Kirsten: you're divorced Carter: no wonder this party sucks...I see you found your ring, must mean your still married...thanks for stoppin by (swivels back) (Kirsten walks in and turns the music off. Carter gets up and pours himself another drink) Kirsten: look I'm sorry I just stopped by but you could at least apologise for blwing off the meeting Carter: (nods) right, yeah, I'm sorry an I'm sorry for all the (sighs) future meetings I'm gonna miss (Kirsten looks at him, shocked) you see now you don't have'ta feel...bad about fring me (drinks) Kirsten: maybe you're not in the best frame of mind to be having this discussion Carter: an I'm gonna be less self loathing if I'm sober, come on I work for a rag about Julie Cooper...Nichol Kirsten: no it's about culture, it's about art Carter: oh come on Kirsten, this magazine is just a photo opportunity for fifty five year old women with twenty five year old breasts Kirsten: but this is a chance ta turn this community upside down, be subversive, irreverent Carter: (drinks) id rather be drunk (Kirsten leaves, Carter sits back down and turns the music back on) CUT TO: Cohen family room - Seth is sitting on the couch with Captain Oats watching the Valley Seth: (sighs) you see Oats it was even the same for the Valley (closes his eyes) last year was just better (Ryan comes in from outside) Ryan: you an Captain Oats catchin up Seth: yeah, does he seem grumpy ta you these days (frowns and looks at Captain Oats) Ryan: eh I know how he feels, this bonfire thing is a disaster (sits next to Seth) Seth: oh yeah, you an Marissa workin on the bonfire together, that's pretty cool huh Ryan: not so far, did a bunch'a designs but they all suck Seth: yeah well I'm sure whatever you come up with Marissa will love you (closes his eyes and clicks his finger) it Ryan: (looks at Seth) dude there's nothin goin on with me an Marissa Seth: oh that's none'a my business (waves it off) (Sandy comes in) Sandy: hey you guys cool fendin for yourselves for dinner at the same time: (they both turn their heads towards Sandy) Seth: sure Ryan: ah-huh Sandy: your mothers at work an I gotta run but I'm leavin you some money for pizza Seth: thanks Sandy: are you two alright Ryan: yeah jus school project Seth: Ryan's working with Marissa (Ryan looks at him) Sandy: oooh you an Marissa that's nice, just like last year Seth: hey you an mom have ben kinda workin alot lately is everything alright Sandy: yeah yeah everything's fine jus busy Seth: I feel like there's maybe ben some...kinda tension recently Sandy: well...listen your married ta someone for twenty years your bound to ht a few speed bumps (Seth nods) it takes work but it doesn't mean we don't love each other Seth: good Sandy: ok, ill see ya at the same time: Ryan: bye Seth: bye Seth: did you hear that Ryan, love takes work (raises eyebrows) Ryan: (looks at Seth) are you referring to me an Marissa Seth: no I'm stayin outta that, you go work on your cool bonfire...me an Oats are gonna order in Ryan: (gets up, thinks) hey can I borrow Captain Oats Seth: sure, but he's a poor substitute for a broken heart (goes to hand him to Ryan but pulls him back) mm (Ryan closes his eyes and waits) (to Captain Oats) Oats (looks at Ryan then back at Oats) if he touches you anywhere weird, an by weird I mean (whispers to Oats) I want you to neigh, as loud as you can (Ryan looks at Seth not amused, then punches him hard in the arm. he takes Captain Oats and starts to leave) Seth: ahhh, see your punchin people that's very last year, its cool though (Seth picks up the remote and puts it in the hand of the arm that was just punched, he screws up his face and puts his other hand on his head, almost crying {lol}) CUT TO: Alex and Marissa's apartment - we hear a door bell then we see Marissa open the door. Julie is standing there Marissa: (pointed) what Julie: well its nice to see you too sweetie (goes to walk in) Marissa: whoa (puts her hand up) hello I haven't ben vaccinated what'do you want Julie: well I thought that we could talk, face to face (smiles) may I come in Marissa: no Julie: don't you think you're taking this a little too far, you enjoy living in...squalor Marissa: well you an Caleb don't live here so it can't be that disgusting Julie: I could make you come home Marissa: what're you gonna do (shrugs) call the cops, i'd love ta tell them all about you Julie: I could take away your credit cards Marissa: ill get a job (shrugs) Julie: you, doing what Marissa: or maybe ill jus steal (raises eyebrows) you know I'm really good at that Julie: oh...Marissa come home, please (Marissa looks away) don't throw away your future jus because you hate me (Marissa looks at her) we've all done things in life that we regret but...it is never too late, the doors always open Marissa: not this one (shuts the door in Julies face) (we see Marissa lean up against the door and sigh, she looks lost) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Seth has his closet door open looking through clothes, he pulls down a shirt then puts it back. Alex stands in the door way and knocks Seth: (suprised) Alex, hey you're in my room which (frowns) never happened when we were dating Alex: (walks in) I hope I'm not interrupting, what're you trying on new clothes or something Seth: no actually I'm trying on clothes from last year (Alex sits on the bed) ah come in...hi, what's goin on Alex: now I know this is weird but um...I need your advice...it's about Marissa Seth: (raises eyebrows) oh ok, well I'm a little fuzzy on your guys relationship so perhaps you have some photos or video that, or things you- (Alex throws Seth's pillow at him and it hits him in the face) Seth: I was jus tryin'a be thorough Alex: (sighs) it's not about me an Marissa, this is about Marissa an Ryan...I just I have a sense about them Seth: (avoiding it) yeah I have alot of penguin to try on Alex: oh so there is something going on Seth: hey if you were this sensitive an neurotic when we were dating things might'a really worked out Alex: (closes her eyes and sighs) (sincerely) I just I-I really really have fallen hard for this girl (looks at Seth, Seth looks down) please will you just tell me if I am fighting for a lost cause here, are they just one'a those couples that will always be a couple Seth: is this about the other night at the mall Alex: what no...I know all about the mall why Seth: ok so then, big deal they slept in a tent together (Alex closes her eyes) alot of friends would do that- Alex: I'm sorry did you jus say (opens her eyes) tent Seth: (looks at Alex) does that...did you think I said that, no no cause I said (Alex looks at him) what did you think, did you think I said tent (Alex gets up) no cause I was saying that they repented for life? I didn't say tent- Alex: (turns around) Marissa forgot to mention that part Seth: well th- probably cause it wasn't a big deal Alex: well thankyou you've ben very helpful (leaves) Seth: ok wait I wasn't even tryin'a meddle I was staying (looks down) Summers gonna kll me CUT TO: Alex and Marissa's apartment - Ryan is walking up to the door carrying a paper bag, he walks up the stairs and looks as though he's thinking, he knocks. Inside we see Marissa look around the apartment, it's a little messy. she picks up some clothes and puts a cushion on top of them to hide them, then she breathes out and looks around before opening the door Marissa: (smiles) hey Ryan: hey Marissa: oh come in (Ryan says something about nice, I think he's referring to the apartment but I couldn't catch the first bit cause he says it softly) Marissa: uh sorry about the mess we're between maids Ryan: ah how do you survive, ah so where's-where's Alex Alex: uh working (puts some newspapers from the table up out of the way) Ryan: got it, its-its Marissa: just us Ryan: (near the couch) uh Marissa: yeah, go ahead (points) Ryan: ok (puts the bag down on the table and sits) lets see (pulls out Captain Oats) dun da da Marissa: (sits) Captain Oats (smiles and takes him) Ryan: yeah Seth let us borrow him for the bonfire Marissa: ooooh we're not gonna burn him though are we Ryan: (looks at Marissa) no, no he's our inspiration, figured we'll build a uh scale model so we know how much wood to use for the real thing Marissa: oh a Trojan horse Ryan: exactly, so what'do you think (looks at Marissa) Marissa: I think its perfect (smiles) Ryan: (looks at Marissa then looks away) yeah it's not bad, so um lets get started, how are you with popsicle sticks (holds them out) Marissa: (takes them) really good (Ryan smiles) CUT TO: Sandy getting out of his car - in the window we can see the reflection of a neon sign so we know it's a motel type place. Sandy knocks on the door and Lance answers in a wife beater Lance: ah, you got a warrant Sandy: whoa your not suspicious are ya, I'm Sandy Cohen, I'm Julie Coopers attourney...an I'm a huge fan'a your work Lance: you got my money Sandy: I'm here to negotiate (Lance and Sandy walk in the room. a hooker is sitting on the bed) Hooker: is this gonna be a three way (stands) cause my rate doubles Lance: why don't you grab some more smokes at the store (hands her money) we got business (the hooker walks passed Sandy and leaves, she shuts the door) Lance: you know the offer, five hundred grand makes this thing go away Sandy: oh well that's no offer that's extortion, she's willing to pay ya fifty thousand dollars, which could finance a handful of your masterpieces Lance: you need to add another zero ta that offer...otherwise this thing is streamin live on the internet in seventy two hours Sandy: d'you really think anyone's gonna care Lance: oh I think Julie will, enough ta save her magazine, her marriage Sandy: (nods) well...you'll be hearin from me Lance: its ben a pleasure (smiles) CUT TO: Outside Alex and Marissa's apartment - Ryan comes out the door followed by Marissa Marissa: this is gonna be great Ryan: ah glad you liked it Marissa: yeah an I'm glad Seth suggested you for the job Ryan: Seth...suggested me Marissa: yeah, why Ryan: nothing, he's um...kinda stuck in the past, thinks that now that he's back with Summer that...y'know Marissa: (realises, smiles) ah (looks down) Ryan: yeah, crazy Marissa: totally (shrugs) Ryan: yeah (they both stand there awkward, Marissa shrugs then they hug. it's a loose hug) Marissa: goodnight (Ryan starts walking away. we see Alex in her jeep watching them, and drinking beer. Marissa goes inside. we see Alex drink more then she gets out of the jeep. we see Ryan walking towards his car and the beer can comes flying at his head, he leans back and it only just misses him) Ryan: hey (Alex looks at him) you almost ht me Alex: I'm sorry, ill try again (slams the car door) Ryan: what'do you think your doin Alex: (walks over to Ryan) let me try'ta put it in a way you'll understand (shoves Ryan hard) stay away from her (points) Ryan: (laughs) Alex there's nothin goin on Alex: (yells, upset) what're you talking about studying late together sharing a sleeping bag yeah there's nothing going on (shoves Ryan again) at all Ryan Ryan: hey hey, listen to me Alex: no-no-no you listen ta me, (points) don't - go near - my girlfriend - again (Ryan looks at her) you understand (shoves Ryan again) me now Ryan: (moves closer to Alex, clearly losing his patience) (Alex glares at him) walk away Alex: I'm gone (Alex walks over to the apartment and Ryan just watches) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom the next morning - Sandy comes out of the bathroom in a robe with a towel around his neck and wet hair. Kirsten is sitting at the table reading Sandy: ah I'm sorry I missed you last night Kirsten: oh sorry I missed you to Sandy: mm (kisses Kirsten on the cheek) Kirsten: mm Sandy: the all consuming magazine (sits) Kirsten: and you were Sandy: also at work, on a new case Kirsten: another Newport calamity Sandy: no this is one id never seen before (almost laughing) I hope to never see it again Kirsten: oh Sandy: hey how bout you an I log a little quality time today Kirsten: id love to, but I have'ta work Sandy: ah with Carter Buckley Kirsten: actually without (Sandy listens) it turns out that Newport Living wasn't for him after all, when he didn't show up for work yesterday I went by his place an I found him...drowning in self pity and...Tequila Sandy: only a couple'a weeks in Newport an already his spirit is crushed, I never would'a thought that'd be possible, here's a guy who built the whole magazine around people who fought the system, no matter the cost (Kirsten looks at him, thinking) the guy was an inspiration to me (stands) Kirsten: you know uh that magazine of his, that you loved in college, do you happen to have a copy Sandy: revolution, yeah I probably do, it's probably in the office or y'know maybe the garage CUT TO: Ryan coming into the kitchen from the pool house - Seth is already in there Seth: hey man, how'd it go last night with Marissa Ryan: things with Marissa went great (sighs) Seth: good Ryan: mm...things with Alex (looks at Seth) no so much Seth: (looks at Ryan then turns away) Alex was there Ryan: yeah, she threw a beer can at my head Seth: what Ryan: then shoved me a couple times, yeah pretty hard actually Seth: that is one angry lesbian (Seth turns around and Ryan is looking at him) Seth: ok, here's the thing...I may have accidentally let a little something slip about you know Ryan: a tent Seth: no I didn't, yeah ok maybe, yes I did but I don't understand why she's makin such a big deal out of it, like there's somethin dirty about camping Ryan: an before Alex an I had our friendly little chat Marissa (Seth raises his eyebrows and walks away) mentioned that it was your idea that we work on the bonfire together Seth: uh I might've ben the one ta mention it but I don't think I should hog all the credit Ryan: (means it) stay out of it...just cause your back with Summer doesn't mean me an Marissa Seth: I know (Ryan looks at him) you were jus a lot happier back then ok so Ryan: well that was then Seth: alright (Ryan puts Captain Oats down on the bench then leaves, Seth watches then looks at Captain Oats) CUT TO: Alex and Marissa's apartment - we hear a phone ring and we see the scale model of the bonfire. it looks really good. Marissa opens the phone Message: you have one new message (Marissa presses a button then listens) Ryan: hey uh I'm not gonna be able ta make it tonight (Marissa closes her eyes) but uh the woods ordered and you have the plans so everything should be fine, have fun (Marissa hangs up, disappointed and Alex walks in from the hallway) Alex: who was that Marissa: (looks at Alex) oh, my mom (shrugs) more empty thrat Alex: (moves closer) you were asleep last night when I got home Marissa: yeah, yeah I was really tired Alex: (sits) you should try sleeping in a tent, with Ryan (Marissa looks at her) (closes her eyes) oh but you (opens her eyes) already did that Marissa: (closes her eyes) look I'm sorry I was goin'a tell you that its jus, I didn't wanna make it a big deal Alex: well it wasn't until you lied Marissa: I didn't lie (Alex looks at her) I just- Alex: lied (Marissa doesn't say anything) (softly, hurt) no big deal (walks back up the hallway) (Marissa watches her helplessly, we hear a door slam and Marissa jumps then sighs and closes her eyes, she puts her hand up to her head) CUT TO: Sandy's office - Julie walks in and Sandy is sitting behind his desk Julie: please tell me you have some good news Sandy: well unfortunately Lance is as sleazy as he looks, but not as dumb (stands) he owns the rights to the movie in perpetuity an you were a consenting adult when it was sht so if he wants to make money off it it's his prerogative Julie: Sandy, there's gotta be some way to stop him Sandy: yeah we could charge him with extortion (shrugs) an get an injunction but that would involve the authorities Julie: no, even if I paid him off there's nothing to stop him from leaking it anyway Sandy: look ill figure somethin out, you worry about Marissa ill handle the rest Julie: I can worry all I want, doesn't seem to help anything, why is it that the one person who knows what's best for their child is the last person that child wants to hear from Sandy: yeah we had a similar situation with Seth last summer an...all I can say is that sometimes it's not the message...it's the messenger (Julie looks as though she's thinking) CUT TO: Carters apartment - we can still hear the music blaring, Kirsten walks up and puts revolution in his mail box, with a post it note attached, she waits a second then walks away CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer is doing Marissa's hair and they are talking Summer: I don't know Coop, it sounds like a pretty bad fight I mean (shrugs) maybe you should just move home Marissa: I can't Summer: because you love Alex an where ever she is that's your home Marissa: cause it would make my mom too happy Summer: oh Marissa: god, what was I thinking Summer: well ya cant go to the bonfire with Ryan, then go home to Alex (shrugs) you cant ride two horses with one ass (Marissa looks at her) its a proverb (pushes Marissa's head to face forward again) Marissa: ok well Ryan's not going ta the bonfire Summer: what why, I thought it was like his idea Marissa: he didn't say but I know it's because of Alex Summer: I mean I'm confused I thought Alex wasn't going Marissa: she's not (raises eyebrows) but Ryan an I were working late at the apartment the other night and well somehow she found out about the mall an the tent (Summer frowns) and well I hadn't exactly told her about it Summer: (frowns) well if you didn't tell her then who did Marissa: mm (shrugs) Summer: (realises) oh I am going ta kick his ass back to last year (leaves) Marissa: whoa hello Summer (touches her hair) who's ass CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is lying on his bed throwing a ball up in the air and catching it one handed. there's a knock at the door Ryan: not now Seth I'm (we hear the door open) busy Julie: hi, uh sorry to interrupt you (Ryan sits up) doing whatever it is you were doing, brooding is it Ryan: (now standing) yeah an right now I'm in the middle of a major session so if you could jus (Julie looks at him) ...what's goin on Julie: well actually (moves closer) I'm very glad that I caught you before you go to the bonfire Ryan: ah-ha (smiles) I'm not goin to the bonfire Julie: oh but you have'ta go Ryan: what're you an Seth workin on the same team now Julie: no I'm on my own mission I need help...with Marissa (Ryan listens) for whatever reason that I don't quite understand...she listens to you...she needs help Ryan: maybe she's happy where she is Julie: do you honestly think that Marissa knows what she wants right now, she is in so far over her head with this relationship, she's skipping school she's staying out all hours risking everything that's important to her jus to prove a point Ryan: ok, so what'do you want me ta do about it Julie: well I know that she wants ta come home, but if she does it for me its like she's letting me win, but if she does it for you- Ryan: no I'm not getting in the middle of Marissa's life...alright, not again, an especially her relationship with Alex Julie: this is not about Alex, its about Marissa and her future which we can both see is slipping away from her (Ryan listens) Ryan please help me...convince her to come home...(softly) you know that's what's for the best (Julie leaves and Ryan stands there) CUT TO: Ryan driving on the road - we then see him outside of Alex and Marissa's. he gets out of the car and knocks. Alex answers the door, drinking Alex: what the hell are you doing here Ryan: (pushes in) I'm lookin for Marissa Alex: this is you staying away Ryan: it's not about me I'm here cause of her mom Alex: (frowns) w-what, you an Julie Cooper a team now Ryan: yeah, where is she Alex: she's at her little bonfire Ryan: alright (goes to leave) Alex: (goes up to Ryan) no-no-no you remember what I told you last night (pokes) you stay away from her Ryan: or what Alex: you wanna find out Ryan: sure (smiles) Alex: you go down there, its - on Ryan: great, you know this sorta thing use'ta be my specialty (Ryan walks to the door then stops) oh, a little word of advice (Alex looks at him) you gotta work this hard, its not workin (Ryan leaves and Alex slams the door) CUT TO: The beach - the banner from earlier is attached to two long sticks holding it up in the air. there are kids everywhere and the bottom part of the bonfire is built. Marissa has a clipboard Guy: is this wood for the hind legs or the front it's just labeled leg Marissa: um...front I think Guy: (goes to walk away but stops) uh right or left Marissa: (puts her hands out) guess, the odds are fifty fifty (smiles) Girl: Marissa...uh the horses head seems to only fit the...hind quarters what'do we do uh we're running out of time Marissa: (lost) I don't know ok, I picked the font for the banner, I colour co-coordinated the balloons (pouting) this is not my area of expertise (Ryan walks up behind them) Ryan: maybe I can help Marissa: (turns around) hey (smiles) Ryan: hey Marissa: I thought you weren't coming Ryan: yeah well Captain Oats was concerned that he be well represented Marissa: mm-hmm Ryan: he's very self conscious he is...Seth's horse Marissa: so you gonna stick it out Ryan: uh...yeah if I'm needed Marissa: oh yeah, hang on (yells) hey everybody this is Ryan (points) he's gonna answer any an all of your questions (smiles) thanks (all the kids gather around Ryan holding pieces of wood and talking over each other. Marissa stands back. Ryan stands up so he can see over everybody) Ryan: (yells) hey (everyone quiets) great, that horse is gonna have its head up its ass if we're not careful, we need'a rotate the neck over to the other side (points) you guys in back you guys take care'a that, I need you ladies (points) right over there, you need'a hoe that area, hoe that thing down (Marissa watches him take charge and smiles) we need to uh we need to set the tiki torches over here (turns around) hey you with the gasoline, away from the fre what're you doin man, alright (claps) (Marissa is still watching) the suns gonna be down in about an hour, we can make this happen ok people lets go lets go (claps) CUT TO: Kirsten's office - Kirsten is sitting at her desk working and Carter walks in Carter: well that was a dirty trick (Kirsten looks up) haunting me with my past (holds up the magazine) Kirsten: (smiles) I was trying to inspire you Carter: you know lookin this thing over...it feels like a life time ago...what was I thinking making a magazine all about losers Kirsten: well at least they were lovable ones (Kirsten and Carter look at each other for a second) Carter: where'd you find this Kirsten: oh a crusading idealist who remembers every word of that magazine like it was yesterday (Carter looks at her) my husband (smiles) Carter: (nods) well ill have'ta meet him (Kirsten and Carter look at each other again) Kirsten: so what'do you think (smiles) you in Carter: you say subversive an irreverent I say Julie Cooper-Nichol, where's that leave us Kirsten: pretty much lost Carter: (smiles) well that's pretty much my favourite place to start (sits) I've got an idea, ok it's not really my idea CUT TO: The Cohen house - there is a knock at the door and Seth opens it. Summer is standing there with her hands on her hips Seth: Summer hey how are you (puts his arms out for a hug) Summer: I hope you have some Motrin in the house cause you are about to feel (twists Seth's arm behind his back) some pain Seth: ow, I jus wanted everyone ta be happy Summer: yeah well nice going cause now everybody is miserable Seth: ok (screws up his face) Summer: you need to start apologising starting with Ryan Seth: ok Summer: (pushes Seth) go (follows) (they are now in the pool house. they walk in but it appears empty) Seth: Ryan, you around...I'm here to...apologise Summer: he's not here Seth: yeah I know I can see that Summer: well where is he Seth: (puts his hands out) you think he went to the bonfire Summer: if so we have a four alarm emergency on our hands, break out your hose Cohen (Seth looks down towards his uh-hm "hose" {lol}) Summer: (closes her eyes) it's a metaphor Seth: (laughs) I know CUT TO: Lance's room - Sandy knocks on the door and Lance opens it Lance: you got me my money Sandy: I got this (holds up paper) Lance: (reads it then looks at Sandy) you're starting your own film company Sandy: what better star to hitch my wagon to then Julie Cooper Lance: so you're buyin the film from me Sandy: the master, the film an the negatives, we're gonna meet your offer (hands Lance money) Lance: (takes it) a hundred bucks Sandy: consider it a good faith deposit, I need two weeks to raise the rest Lance: I sign this...I get half a mill in two weeks Sandy: that's right (the next thing we see is Lance signing the contract. he stands up and gives it to Sandy) Sandy: an Lance jus so you know, if one frame of this leaks onta the internet (looks at Lance) an I'm not sayin that would happen cause you seem like a stand up guy, we're comin after ya for ten times the amount alright (Lance looks worried) for copyright infringement an piracy...and you could go to jail (hands Lances copy of the contract over) (Sandy leaves and Lance looks like he just got screwed {lol} CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - we hear the phone ringing and Julie answers it Julie: hello (we see Sandy in the kitchen on the phone) Sandy: I got some good news an some not so good news Julie: the good news first, always Sandy: you don't have'ta worry about the movie surfacing...as long as we pay him which is the bad news Julie: an where am I gonna get this money Sandy: your gonna have'ta talk ta Caleb...an hopefully he'll understand Julie: (laughs) oh yeah sure he will, I am so screwed Sandy: oh I know, I saw the footage (Julie doesn't look impressed) CUT TO: The beach - we see the Trojan horse now completed. it looks great! there are cheerleaders dancing, music and clapping. everyone's having a good time. Marissa is wearing a Harbor sweatshirt. she walks over to Ryan Marissa: (smiles) this is going great Ryan: (turns around and smiles then it goes) not for long (Marissa turns around to where Ryan is looking. we see Alex walking up with 2 rough looking guys) Marissa: (smiles) hey, what are you doing here (Alex looks at Ryan) are these your friends Alex: yeah, there here to see Ryan Ryan: (smiles) you've gotta be kidding me Guy: (walks over to Ryan) why do you think this is funny Marissa: hey (the 2 big guys push Ryan) Marissa: guys stop it, guys seriously stop it (stands in front of Alex) (yells) ok cut it out (the cheerleaders stop dancing and everyone goes quiet. Ryan is standing between the 2 guys with his arms out keeping them away from him. Marissa sees that everyone is looking at them) Marissa: oh no not you guys, you guys are great (claps) go Harbor (puts her fist in the air) (the cheering, dancing etc starts again) Marissa: (turns around to Alex) this is between you an me Alex: fine then lets talk, you an me Marissa: fine Ryan: (to one of the guys) I like the wrist cuff (Alex and Marissa walk away from everybody to a deserted spot further down the beach) Marissa: you wanna tell me what the hell is going on Alex: I jus wanna talk Marissa: you wanna talk, why don't you tell me why you brought two skeazy ex cons to my school bonfire Alex: (yells) I am sorry if I interrupted your bonfire it jus seems like that's all you ever do lately Marissa: (yells) well I didn't realise moving in with you meant giving up my life Alex: I didn't ask you to give up your life, all I ever wanted was to be apart of it Marissa: well this (points) is my life ok...that's it...so what'do you think (Alex looks at Marissa, Marissa sits down on a log. Alex goes and sits across from her) Alex: (upset) ...I think...this is your life...(almost crying) an I don't fit in (Marissa looks away) pep rally's, cheerleaders...boys Marissa: nothing happened with Ryan Alex: yeah not yet but what'do you give it a week, a month (Marissa looks down, upset. Alex is looking away as well, teary) Marissa: (upset) I really wanted this to work between us (a tear falls) (Alex nods) look I'm sorry if I hurt you Alex: (closes her eyes) I'm sorry...that I brought two skeazy ex cons to your bonfire (Marissa smiles) actually one of them ever really served time but Marissa: (nods, looks at Alex) ...so what happens now Alex: who knows...think I might go back home (Marissa looks shocked and heartbroken) save some money, go back to school (nods) that actually looks kinda fun Marissa: (turns around) yeah, from really far away (smiles) (Alex looks at Marissa, teary. Marissa looks at Alex just as sad then they both stand up and hug. Alex holds onto Marissa tightly. Marissa holds onto Alex tightly, another tear fall and she sniffs. Alex has her head buried in Marissa's shoulder with her eyes closed, after a little while they pull apart) Alex: come on...your gonna miss the human pyramid (laughs) (Marissa laughs) (they both walk back over towards the bonfire together. we see the cheerleaders making the pyramid. everyone claps and cheers) Ryan: (to one of the guys) pretty good huh (the guy doesn't say anything) not inta the school spirit thing that's cool (Ryan looks at his watch and Alex touches his back. he turns around. Marissa is standing behind Alex) Alex: I'm sorry (sniffs) it wasn't about you Ryan: I know, that's ok (Alex turns around and looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at Alex one last time. they both half smile then Alex walks off with the 2 rough guys. Marissa watches Alex leave for a second then moves closer to Ryan) Ryan: you ok Marissa: yeah (nods and looks down, sad {it reminds of when Jimmy left and she's in the Cohen kitchen, that's the look she has}) (Ryan puts his arm around her shoulder and they turn and face the bonfire) Marissa: now all that's left is lighting the bonfire (Ryan looks at her) (Seth and Summer arrive further up the beach, they watch from a distance) Summer: (frowns) well I don't hear any screaming Seth: I don't see any ambulances Summer: maybe we're here just in time Seth: or maybe someone was right (we see Ryan and Marissa walking over to the bonfire together, Ryan still has his arm around her) all along (points) (Summer looks at him) (a guy dressed as a pirate hands the torch to Marissa. Ryan is standing next to her with his arm around her shoulder still {awww} Marissa: thanks (to Ryan) you know what this honors yours (hands Ryan the torch) Ryan: (thinks) we built it together, lets burn it together (Marissa smiles and holds the torch as well. they lean forward and light it, both smiling. we see the fre start to go up the wood then we see them walking away. Summer and Seth walk down towards them just as the fre gets bigger and more intense) Seth: hey, I think Captain Oats would be very proud (Marissa smiles) or deeply disturbed by this visual (Marissa and Ryan turn around to watch. the fre is much higher now and starting to burn the horse) Summer: you guys it's so good Marissa: thanks Seth, for making it all happen Seth: (to Summer) oh see that there thanking me, that's nice Summer: so what'do you guys wanna do now (Marissa looks at Ryan) Ryan: (looks at Marissa) feel like goin home (Marissa closes her eyes and nods and smiles. they look back at the fre. Seth puts his arm around Summer and we see the bonfire burning. we see it from a bit away, and we see the four of them standing	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "02x16 - The Blaze of Glory"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Cohen kitchen at night - Sandy comes in with dinner for everyone, Kirsten is sitting at the kitchen table with her back to him Sandy: alright dinner time (puts bag down) how d'ya feel about chicken parm Kirsten: that is simply UN acceptable Sandy: hey don't look at me, I'm the one who wanted Thai (gets plates out) Kirsten: uh Carter I am gonna have'ta call you back (pulls ear piece out of her ear) ok (hangs up) Sandy: you're off the phone, I barely recognise you without a wire comin outta your ear Kirsten: (walks over to Sandy) honey I'm sorry, its jus that we're unveiling the magazine to advertisers in exactly sixty seven hours, at which point I will have some semblance of a life back Sandy: ah well here's hopin (heard in the background) Seth: kickin your ass an every time I do that you pause it, ooh yes I thought I smelled (spelt as it sounds) elfordoes Ryan: (takes plate from Sandy) thankyou I am starving Seth: thanks (everyone gets their food and cutlery from the bench) Ryan: see you later (Seth, Kirsten and Ryan go to walk out of the kitchen and back to what they were doing) Sandy: whoa no no sorry (stands in front of them) this is a family dinner Seth: (makes a face) oooh ah the sneak attck family dinner (Ryan looks at him) dude we walked right into it Kirsten: I have to work Seth: uh yeah an Ryan an I are in the middle of a very crucial playstation game Ryan: (nods) it's kinda like your super bowl Sandy: I don't care, nobody here eats tonight unless we sit down an eat as a family, no excuses, tonight an together, now si'down everybody (points) c'mon Ryan: great (Kirsten and Ryan sit across from each other, Seth and Sandy are about to sit) Sandy: an you too Seth: (sits) mmm family times always best when it's forced Sandy: your not gonna be invited on the family trip I'm plannin (Seth laughs) Ryan (Ryan looks at him) you ever seen Mt Rushmore (phone rings. they each plead with Sandy, lol) Kirsten: (turns around) oh that could be work Seth: Summer gets really mad if I'm not available Ryan: yeah Marissa's spose'ta call me back Sandy: (gets up) I will get the phone, nobody's takin any calls, it is dinner time (answers) hello (we see Kirsten and Seth, both frustrated) Sandy: ...just a second (looks at Ryan) it's for you (Ryan gets up and goes towards Sandy) Seth: what! how come Ryan gets to talk on the phone during dinner an I can't play a little playstation (Kirsten turns around. Sandy hands the phone to Ryan and watches him) Ryan: hello (we see a close up of Sandy looking worried, then it goes back to Ryan) (smiles) hey (smile goes) really, when...yeah no alright... (nods) yeah...see ya then (Sandy looks at him worried) (hangs up) ...that was Trey Kirsten: (slowly turns back around) your brother Ryan: yeah...heeeeess gettin outta jail tomorrow (sits) wants me to pick him up in Chino Seth: (to Sandy) well there's that... family trip you wanted (Sandy looks at Ryan, worried. Ryan has his eyes closed. everyone eats quietly) Theme song - California by Phantom planet The pool house the next morning - Ryan is sitting in a chair with his foot up on the footstool, looking as though he's deep in thought. Seth comes in Seth: hey, what're you doin in here, there's bagels an cream cheese to be had in the kitchen Ryan: yeah I'm comin Seth: an yet your sitting (points) Ryan: i guess I jus needed a second ta...brace myself for today Seth: yeah uh...(thinks) pickin up your brother from prison that is not not intense (Ryan looks at him) have you talked to him at all since uh- Ryan: last Thanksgiving when he tried to get me to steal a car, no...an I kinda thought he was outta my life for good Seth: well do you want him outta your life Ryan: (frowns) (looks at Seth) I don't know maybe, he's my brother but...the guys trouble Seth: if you want my advice I mean I-I-I (looks down) who am I kidding I'm totally outta my league on this one, I will say this though...as your brother (points) your other brother (Ryan looks at him) who's less related to you, I officially have your back Ryan: thanks man Seth: alright (claps) lets go, put your shoes on, bagels are waiting Ryan: yes (sits forward) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is in there making bagels and Kirsten is in there with him Kirsten: I know Trey is the only family that Ryan has, an I do think we should help him Sandy: but your scared I'm gonna want'to adopt him, honey (Kirsten looks at him) don't worry, Trey is twenty years old an an ex-con (shakes his head) I don't think he wants ta be adopted (Kirsten closes her eyes) but don't you think we gotta help him Kirsten: (worried) yeah its jus we don't know what kind of effect this is gonna have on Ryan, he's ben doing so well this year (Sandy looks at her) (Seth and Ryan come into the kitchen) Seth: morning, might wanna switch to a more neutral topic Sandy: hey I was just about to come an get you, you ready Ryan: sure (sighs) look um I appreciate you drivin me down to Chino but I can take care'a this myself, this shouldn't have'ta be your problem Sandy: hey if it's a Ryan problem, it's a Cohen problem (holds out a bagel) here ya go, for the road Ryan: thanks (Sandy and Ryan go to leave. each with half a bagel for the car {cute}) Seth: dad (Sandy and Ryan stop) (frowns) I think I should head down to prison with you guys an take the day off school, you know we all know I've had some (puts his head on the side) well behavioural issues this year an I think prison might be...jus the thing ta scare me straight Sandy: (laughs) hm Kirsten: nice try (throws Seth an apple and he catches it) get to school CUT TO: Harbor school - We see kids walking around outside then we see Summer and Marissa walking together near the lockers Summer: I don't know any details Seth jus said that Ryan went to go pick up Trey from jail Marissa: oh my god I wish I could'a known Summer: so you could'a gone with him (Marissa looks at her) cause last time you two went to jail it did not go so well Marissa: well at least I could be there for him Summer: (looks at Marissa) Coop you sound extremely girlfriend'y right now Marissa: hey I'm jus tryin'a be his friend, which is the part we skipped over last time (Summer mouths "oh") besides Ryan an Trey have a very complicated relationship (they are now in the student lounge. Summer frowns and looks in the direction of the door. we hear like a motorbike sound) Summer: speaking of which (we see a guy pull up on a red Vespa, outside) Summer: that's Zach (Marissa looks) oh my god I'm having a panic spiral (fans herself with her hand) Marissa: wait that's Zach on the Vespa Summer: yeah, I didn't think he'd come back he was in Italy for so long I assumed he bought a villa an opened an espresso bar (Zach comes through the door, smiling) Marissa: well are you gonna say hello Summer: oh no no I cant, last time I saw him is when I ditched him at the airport (whispers) in front of his family Marissa: (smiles) oo well you better say something cause he's coming over here (pushes Summer forward and smiles) Summer: oh I'm about to get bitch-slapped Marissa: hi Zach Zach: (huge smile) hey Marissa: welcome back Zach: guys Summer: hey Zach: or wait, bon journo Marissa: oooh Summer: ooo (laughs and looks at Marissa) Marissa: how was Italy Zach: ah it was, amazing, it was probably the best vacation of my life (Marissa looks at Summer) ooh I'm gonna be late, listen great ta see you guys just catch up with me at lunch ok I got some awesome pictures to show you Summer: ok Marissa: ok, alright, later (Zach walks between them) Summer: (smiles) cool, bye (smile goes and she folds her arms) ok somebody totally spiked that guys gelato Marissa: well I guess you don't have'ta worry Sum, he seems pretty ok (raises eyebrows) Summer: yeah, a little too ok hm I'm not buyin it, he's hiding something CUT TO: Chino prison - We see through the glass, Ryan and Sandy waiting for Trey. we then see a kid talking on a pay phone. Ryan stares at him and Sandy notices Sandy: flashbacks Ryan: (laughs) a little bit Sandy: (laughs) uh, it feels like a hundred years since I got you out of juvi doesn't it Ryan: yeah (sighs) ...an he's ben in here the whole time Sandy: ...what would you say if Trey stayed with us (Ryan looks at him) at least for a little while Ryan: (reluctant)...I-I don't know Sandy: (nods) you know if no one helps him statistics say he's back in jail within a year Ryan: Treys old enough to take care of himself (we see Trey come out with a guard. Sandy motions to Ryan and they both look towards him. Trey looks back at them, carrying his belongings in a single cardboard box. we hear a buzzing sound and the guard opens the door for Trey, he stops and looks at Ryan) Trey: little brother (moves closer) good to see you man (Ryan holds his hand out to shake hands. Trey grabs Ryan on the neck and pulls him forward into a firm hug. Ryan wraps his arms around Trey and smiles. Sandy watches them, smiling) Sandy: (walks forward) I'm Sandy Cohen (holds his hand out) Trey: (shakes) nice to finally meet you (Ryan looks from Sandy to Trey) Sandy: you hungry Trey: I'm starvin Sandy: alright, let's go (Sandy and Trey walk out, followed by Ryan. the next thing we see is them walking outside and toward the car. Trey smiles as he looks around at everything. Ryan touches Trey on the arm then gets in the front seat of the car. Trey opens the back door, he looks into the car, mesmerised, then smiles and gets in) CUT TO: Kirsten's office - Kirsten and Carter are in there together, watching a video for the magazine Carter: (points) so I-I think we hold on this sht'a the coast (Kirsten nods) just-just a bit longer just until see into this sht of the (Julie comes in) Julie: what're you two doing Kirsten: uh cutting a video for the show case an introduction to Newport Living (Julie looks at them, clueless) Carter: your magazine the one with...you on the cover Julie: (closes her eyes) right right I'm sorry I'm just um I'm a little distracted, Kirsten could I talk ta you for a moment in private (Kirsten nods) Carter: I'm going to get some air (leaves) Julie: (walks in, dazed) uh...I made a mistake Kiki (sighs) (sits) a naked mistake Kirsten: (frowns) excuse me Julie: a hundred years ago, a boyfriend...convinced me to let him...film...me...in the act (Kirsten listens) I was young living on rum an I needed the money, I totally freaked I told him he could never show it to anyone led alone release it which he didn't un-until now unless I give him half a million dollars Kirsten: did you talk to a lawyer Julie: well Sandy was able ta negotiate the rights from him but we still need to come up with the money Kirsten: (thinks) well if Sandy can't help you...your gonna have'ta tell my dad (Julie looks at Kirsten) CUT TO: Chino - Sandy pulls up out the front of a very run down house. it looks almost abandoned Trey: uh this is it Sandy: (stops) now who are you stayin with again Trey: it's my buddy Rick, well I think it's his brother's house but they said it's cool if I stay there (Trey and Ryan get out of the car, and stand opposite each other) Ryan: ...good to see ya Trey: take care'a yourself Ry Ryan: yeah (they hug quickly {aww}) Trey: thanks for lunch again Mr. Cohen Sandy: take care (shakes Treys hand) (Trey nods and looks at Ryan) Ryan: ill call you (Trey hits Ryan on the arm playfully then walks towards the house. Ryan and Sandy watch him. we see Trey open the screen door and knock. Ryan and Sandy watch {I get the feeling that they are both remembering back to when Sandy brought Ryan home to an empty house} we see Trey knock again, and wait. we hear a siren in the background. Trey looks through a window trying to see if anyone is home. Ryan watches) Sandy: what d'you say we give it a try...jus for a few days (Ryan watches Trey for a few seconds more. Trey is still trying to peer through the window) Ryan: (yells) hey Trey (Trey turns around) wanna come with us (Trey looks at Ryan then at the window, he walks over and shuts the screen door then heads back towards the car, smiling) CUT TO: Harbor school - Zach is at his locker putting books away, and Seth walks over to him Seth: (smiles) hey man, you came back Zach: (smiles) hey (shakes Seth's hand) Seth: (frowns) people never leave an come back Zach: how you doin man, long time no see (shuts locker) how ya ben Seth: good (nods) dude things are really good (Zach smiles) (frowns) listen uh about what happened with you an me an-an Summer Zach: oh no don't worry about it man (frowns) you an Summer belong together I should'a clued inta that a while ago (thinks) actually I did clue inta that a while ago...uh whatever man I'm fine with it (they are now walking away from the lockers) Seth: yeah Zach: yeah Seth: you seem different, seem like uh Zach: like I'm vibrating at a very high frequency Seth: sure (nods) Zach: if I tell you somethin you promise not to tell Summer Seth: yeah ok, I know my track record with secret keeping hasn't ben that good but (shakes his head) its gotta turn around some time Zach: look man when I was in Italy...I met someone her names Francesca Seth: yeah, what's she like Zach: tall, blonde, gorgeous, doesn't speak much English but she's learning, when we met it was like we just clicked Seth: yeah, are you guys still clicking though I mean...across the globe Zach: dude we got web cam, we got E-mail we got instant message day Seth: oooooh, long distance dating is so (closes his eyes) hot Zach: (puts on his helmet) do me a favour alright don't tell Summer...it might hurt her feelings that I moved on so quickly Seth: yeah, yeah my lips are sealed (nods) Zach: cool Seth: ok Zach: great (shakes Seth's hand) bye (Zach leaves and Seth watches) CUT TO: Cohen house - we see Sandy pull into the drive way then we see the three of them coming through the front door Sandy: (opens the door) well, this is the crib (Trey slowly walks in, mouth open in amazement. he scans the room, taking it all in) Trey: (small smile) you gotta be kidding me (stunned) Sandy: you know if it's any consolation (raises eyebrows) I felt the same way the first time I saw it Trey: bet you get use to it huh (Ryan looks from Trey to Sandy) Sandy: Trey (touches Treys back) why don't you stay in the pool house (points) Ryan (touches Ryan's back) why don't you take the guest room Ryan: uh yeah ok Trey: wait did he jus say...pool house (Ryan puts his hand on Treys shoulder and walks outside with him. Sandy smiles/laughs - we now see them in the backyard. Trey laughs in disbelief when he sees it, Ryan smiles {Ryan can definitely relate to how Trey is feeling right now}) Trey: this, is where you ben livin Ryan: uh Trey: (laughs more) oh you got hooked - up Ryan: (almost embarassed) yeah (they are now walking through the pool house doors) Ryan: uh (points) towels are in the linen closet an you can borrow whatever shower stuff you need Trey: (nods) thanks (laughs) an-an-an sorry I'm-I'm kickin you outta your little (laughs) cabana mansion here Ryan: (laughs) ah its only for a few days (realises) Trey: nah don't worry, I-I won't get to comfortable Ryan: I'm sorry I didn't mean- Trey: no look, I know I'm crashin your party here...but you got a-you got a good thing goin on here an...(looks at Ryan) I'm not gonna screw it up (Ryan looks at him) promise Ryan: ok uh...see you later Trey: see you later (looks around more) (Ryan leaves then stops and looks back at Trey. we see Trey take his jacket off and throws it on the chair. Ryan looks worried) CUT TO: The pool house - Seth just walks in without knocking. we hear the toilet flush Seth: hey man (rubs his hands together) I want some details, does Trey seem different to you (stands near the bench) I mean has he found Jesus does he have a Chinese tattoo did he shave his head (Trey comes out and looks at Seth) Trey: O for three Seth: oh, hi, you're...not Ryan Trey: nope, Trey Seth: yeah, well, I was close your still an Atwood, only a slightly more edgy, darker version (points) I think (looks down) but (shakes his head) some people think Ryan's gotten a little softer since- Trey: Ryan said you talk alot Seth: (nervous) yeaaah its kind of a problem but hopefully one you'll...come to find endearing...so uh how's it you know feel to be uh...like out Trey: (looks at Seth) good Seth: yeah, cool monosyllables run in the family that's awesome (Sandy and Ryan come in) Seth: (relieved) heeeey Sandy: ah good you two've already met (to Seth) Treys gonna be staying with us Trey: just un...till I can find my own place Sandy: (walks over to Trey) I thought you might need'a do a little shopping, this is just enough to get you started, for clothing toiletries you know (hands Trey money) all the basics Trey: (stunned) you sure Sandy: course (Trey looks at Ryan, Ryan smiles) Sandy: Ryan, you can show Trey where ta go right Ryan: yeah (Sandy and Trey leave, as Trey walks passed Ryan he playfully elbows him. Ryan doesn't look like he enjoyed it, but takes it) Seth: hey you want me to come, I got a knack for pickin out the post prison wardrobe Trey: (calls) you comin Ryan: (calls back) uh yeah (to Seth) you know what call Marissa, have her meet us Seth: yeah that's probably a better job for Cosmo Girl Ryan: yeah (Ryan leaves and Seth waves) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - Caleb and Julie are in the kitchen together, sitting at the bench Caleb: not like you to drop in for lunch, to what do I owe the pleasure Julie: well with all the hustle an bustle of the showcase I've barely seen you (puts plate down) It's craw fish your favourite (smiles) I jus thought we should check in you know have a state of the union Caleb: well that sounds fair enough, what's on the agenda Julie: well I think we oughta replace the shower head in the one guest bathroom upstairs oh an you really have'ta fre that new gardener those are some sorry looking hydrangea bushes out front Caleb: fine...was there anything else Julie: (drinks) um...well I made an adult film in the eighties (Caleb listens) with an ex boyfriend who's now thrat to release it on the internet unless I pay him half'a million dollars oh an I really would like to redo the kitchen Caleb: are you saying you did prn Julie: it was erotica, tasteful...at times Caleb: you got yourself in quite a bind Julie: (upset) see I knew it, I knew that you would react this way, absolutely no sympathy an this from a man who kept an illegitimate child hidden from me an- Caleb: (calm) it's alright, ill pay the money Julie: (suprised) you will Caleb: well your dignities at stake id say that's worth half'a million dollars Julie: (relieved) oh thank god, you have no idea how much damage this could've caused, the magazine m-Marissa, me Caleb: ill call my financial advisor (pulls out his phone) you should go back to work Julie: right, because I have a magazine to launch (smiles, stands) oh...Cal...(sincerely) thankyou (Julie kisses Caleb's cheek and smiles. she leaves and Caleb puts the phone up to his ear, with a serious look on his face) CUT TO: The diner - Seth and Summer are sitting in a booth together Summer: how can Zach act so normal around me Seth: aaaan here we are again (puts the menu down) Summer: well I-I mean I ditched him at the airport it's not what you call letting him down easy Seth: I'm not...certain on this but (frowns) I thought you an I were ? Summer: oh I know, I jus didn't expect him to get over me so fast Seth: yeah well Zach's resilient, I mean under all that floppy hair an goofy smile...there's like a layer'a steel Summer: you talked to him today right Seth: ...mm-hmm Summer: well did he say anything, any footnotes to the whole I love Italy story Seth: ...no, I mean uh... Summer: spill it Cohen! Seth: he made me promise to keep it a secret ok Summer: have you ever kept one in your life Seth: (closes his eyes) he has a girlfriend Summer: already, he's only ben back like one day Seth: (nods) yeah he met her in Italy, her names Francesca (Summer looks sad) an she's tall an beautiful an he's waaay into her, ok, great (looks at the menu) I say we get burgers an 2 vanilla milkshakes an fries Summer: (sadly) she's tall CUT TO: The shops - Trey and Ryan are in a fancy department store looking at clothes and things for Trey Trey: (holds up a watch) two hundred dollars for this watch, can you believe that (puts it back) Ryan: yeah, I know these stores are kinda pricey Trey: (picks up a hat) yeah, bet you got a closet full'a this stuff huh, shirts with alligators, topsiders (hits Ryan with the hat) the whole deal Ryan: ow (a staff member is watching Trey in the background, suspiciously) Ryan: um maybe we should go, you know i mean your not gonna find anything you need here Trey: what're you kiddin, I got cash ta spend I'm not goin anywhere (Marissa comes up to them) Marissa: (smiles) hey I found you Ryan: hey, Marissa, Trey Marissa: hey Trey (Trey looks at her) uh we've met before, Marissa Cooper Trey: ...oh yeah, your...Ry's girlfriend (Ryan looks at Marissa) Marissa: (looks at Ryan) oh...well no, well not anymore but- Ryan: yeah we're jus friends (Trey looks from Ryan to Marissa back to Ryan) Ryan: (looks at Marissa) n-not jus... friends but (Marissa looks at him) friends (unsure) r-right Marissa: right, um I heard Ryan was taking you shopping (Trey looks at Ryan) so I figured you'd probably need some help, here why don't you try this (hands Trey a shirt) an ill grab you some more stuff (Trey takes the shirt from Marissa and walks away to try it on) Marissa: Seth said you might need some back up Ryan: yeah thanks for comin (smiles) Marissa: (smiles) oh wow look at this (picks up a hat) yeah this has you written all over it (puts the hat on Ryan's head) aww (cutesy voice) yeah that looks really adorable on you, yeah (touches Ryan's cheek) its jus so cute Ryan: ah really I thought ugly hats were your thing (takes it off and puts it on Marissa) (Marissa laughs) it looks really good on you, honestly, you should look at your- oh Marissa: (poses) really Ryan: (laughs) yes (pulls on Marissa's arm mucking around) CUT TO: Newport group - Kirsten and Julie are sitting on the couch drinking coffee together Julie: so to my utter shock (sits) he agreed to pay in full, crisis averted (smiles) Kirsten: oh, well I guess my dads softening in his old age Julie: that or he has a prn tape buried in his past to...I was speaking metaphorically of course (Julie looks at Kirsten who is looking at something, distracted) Julie: hello, Kiki (Kirsten looks at her) I'm talking about erotica Kirsten: oh I-I-I- I'm sorry um what were you saying (Julie looks at Kirsten, then in the direction of where Kirsten was gazing. we see Carter at the reception desk. Julie looks from Carter back to Kirsten, Kirsten is once again looking at Carter then she looks at Julie) Julie: you like Carter! Kirsten: excuse me Julie: you have a thing for Carter, Kirsten Cohen crushes Carter (smiles) Kirsten: that's ridiculous Julie: here I've ben so pre occupied with my own sex scandal I hadn't noticed yours Kirsten: that's enough! Julie: Sandy's off in strange motels with that fugitive ex girlfriend of his (Kirsten looks at her) so you decide to turn up the heat at the office (grins) Kirsten: Julie, stop it, I do not have feelings for...Sandy (Sandy walks in) Sandy: suprise (Kirsten and Julie both stand up) Kirsten: uh...Julie an I were jus going over some magazine stuff (Sandy nods) Julie: launch fever, well ill let you two talk (looks at Kirsten then leaves) Kirsten: so, what's up Sandy: oh (sighs) I invited Trey to stay with us for a few days Kirsten: ok, sounds good Sandy: (suprised) sounds good...I-I thought you were gonna have a five alarm freak out Kirsten: well I-I I trust you...I mean you were right about Ryan after all (Sandy is stunned) ill-ill see ya tonight (kisses Sandy on the cheek) Sandy: he- now where's this famous Carter Buckley, id love to meet him (we see Carter wave to Kirsten through the window) Kirsten: oh uh toni- uh its-its not a good time, he's up uh up to his ears in the launch (smiles) Sandy: alright well some other time then Kirsten: (nods) hm Sandy: ill see ya tonight CUT TO: The shops - Ryan, Marissa and Trey are at the check out Trey: (sighs) man am I tired Marissa: mm that's shoppers fatigue (Trey takes the bag from the person behind the checkout) shop enough an you'll become immune (touches Treys shoulder) trust me Ryan: if anyone should know Marissa: huh that's funny Worker: excuse me (Trey turns around) can I check your bag (points) (Ryan and Marissa watch, worried) Trey: why, I didn't do anything wrong Worker: look I saw you handling that watch before Trey: I didn't take your damn watch Worker: we have the right to look through your bag, jus hand it over Trey: I see other people with bags here, I don't s-see you givin them a hard time Marissa: look he didn't take anything Ryan: hey jus let him check through your bag Trey: hey man (puts his hand up) ill handle this (Ryan looks worried) (moves closer to the guy) why don't you get outta my face Worker: (into the walky talky) send someone to the front entrance Trey: yeah, yeah you know what...don't bother! (empties the bag out in front of him) cause I paid for all'a this (Ryan touches Treys arm and Trey rips it away from him. Ryan holds Trey around the waist trying to get him out of the store, Trey breaks free from Ryan's hold and kicks over a display stand he walks back over to the worker and looks at him then leaves. Ryan watches him, not impressed about what just happened) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - through the kitchen window we see Kirsten, Sandy and Trey outside sitting together at the table. in the kitchen Ryan and Seth are talking, Seth is sitting at the bench Ryan: if we hadn't gotten Trey outta the store, I swear he would'a taken the guy out Seth: so he's got rage issues like uh like Summer or Ryan: (sits) yeah he's just got alotta pride you know (sighs) an a short fuse, once somethin sets him off its like, he cant control himself Seth: well um its comforting to have him stayin here? (frowns) have you told my parents Ryan: no I cant, I know I should but (Kirsten comes in) Kirsten: oh hey Ryan (Seth and Ryan look) oh I finally met your brother, he seems to be adjusting well (Ryan and Seth look at her) Seth: yeah smooth sailing Kirsten: hm (nods) (Sandy and Trey come in) Sandy: oh here's one, a barista at a local coffee joint Trey: barista Kirsten: oh that's a fancy word for a guy who makes coffee Trey: oh that I can do Sandy: (nods) we were jus checkin out the classifieds Trey: job hunt begins today (to Ryan) feel like comin with me Ryan: (looks at Trey) (pointed) ill pass thanks (Sandy looks at Ryan, noticing the tension) Kirsten: Seth why don't you...come out an...clear the patio furniture with me for the party (Seth screws up his face) Sandy: I believe son that's code for lets get outta here (hands Trey the paper) Seth: (stands) if I help set up for the party will you let me skip it Sandy: ah that would be a no (touches Seth's back) (Seth, Sandy and Kirsten walk outside. Trey looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at Trey out of the corner of his eye) Trey: again, I'm sorry about yesterday, I jus didn't like the way that guy was lookin at me Ryan: (softly) so you trashed the store Trey: (nods) look my old ways aren't gonna work here, I need to change Ryan: (looks at Trey, nods) ...do it soon (Ryan leaves the kitchen and Trey puts the paper down on the bench) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - we hear a knock on the door and Summer opens it. Zach is standing there Summer: (suprised) Zach Zach: hey um (walks in) I brought over some'a your stuff (puts box on the bed) Summer: oh Zach: things you left at my house Summer: post break-up stuff exchange, ooo (referring to something in the box) I won this for you at the kick off carnival, it was a gift Zach: (nods) an ill always remember how you owned that whack-a-mole (Summer looks at him) I don't feel like it's a good idea to have reminders of you lying around Summer: look I get that you moved on but d'you have'ta like totally erase me Zach: (frowns) what'do you mean moved on (Summer looks down) Cohen Summer: he let it slip ok Zach: I-I just I didn't want you ta know incase it hurt your feelings Summer: why would it hurt my feelings (laughs) what jus because twenty minutes after we broke up you were scootering around Italy with some six foot two euro chick Zach: (frowns) hey y-you left me Summer: I know, I know that but (closes her eyes) ...the entire cast of the Valley are guest VJ's on music video nation (Zach is lost) an I kinda have'ta see that (pushes Zach towards the door) so ill drop off your stuff soon ok Zach: Summer wait Summer: (loud) arivaderci (shuts the door) CUT TO: Lance's hotel - Caleb gets out of the limo and shuts the door. the next thing we see is Lance opening the door and Caleb being on the other side Lance: well, how do ya like this (Caleb walks in) Caleb Nichol showing up in my lowly hotel room Caleb: let's get this over with (Caleb puts the briefcase down on the table knocking rubbish and crap to the floor) Lance: thankyou (picks up the video) videos right here, its all yours if the moneys in that case Caleb: (looks at Lance then opens the case) five hundred thousand, as requested (Lance smiles) (holds his hand out for the tape) I'm assured this is the only copy Lance: this is it (hands the tape over) (smug) so how's it feel, get a little glimpse into your wife's past Caleb: I didn't get where I am today by being a fool, I knew what I was getting into when I married Julie Cooper Lance: so you expect me to believe that she told you about this (Caleb looks at him) cause Julie keeps her past pretty tight to the vest Caleb: I have some very thorough ? PI's in my staff...id venture to say there's nothing Julies ever done that I don't know about (knock at the door) Caleb: allow me (Caleb goes to open the door and Lance closes the briefcase full of money and picks it up. Caleb opens the door and 2 big rough looking guys walk in) Lance: oh what the hell is this Caleb: (smug) these are some friends of mine looking forward to getting to know you Lance: you son of a bitch Caleb: that's your cue to hand me the briefcase (waits) Lance (Lance hands the briefcase over, reluctantly) pleasure doing business with you, thanks for the tape (Caleb leaves and one of the big guys shuts the door and then pulls the curtains closed) CUT TO: Kirsten's office - Kirsten is at her desk on the phone and Julie walks in holding 2 dresses Kirsten: id like those flowers delivered by five...thankyou (hangs up) Julie: hey, what'do you think (holds out 2 different dresses) for tonight I want Donatella Versace meets Martha Stewart before the scandal hm, oo don't look now boyfriend two o'clock (Carter walks in) Carter: hey (Kirsten looks in Carters direction) Carter: brought you somethin (Julie looks at Kirsten, smiling) pinotnoir Russian river valley (to Julie) hi Julie: hey Carter: one you said you loved (Julie looks at Kirsten. Kirsten looks at Carter) Kirsten: ...thankyou Carter how thoughtful Carter: I thought we'd uh pop the top have a few glasses before the madness begins Kirsten: (pointed) we have alot riding on this presentation, I think it would be unprofessional to drink wine before hand Carter: (laughs and looks at Julie then Kirsten) are you kidding, we average a bottle a night around here Julie: hm Kirsten: you can celebrate...at the party tonight Carter: ok, yeah ok uh I will uh ill see you later completely focused an totally sober (leaves) Julie: (teasing) (walking out backwards) Kirsten an Carter sittin in a tree (Kirsten looks at her) I'm jus kidding unless I'm not (laughs) (off screen) k-i-s-s-i-n-g (Kirsten looks dazed) CUT TO: Zach's house - Summer rings the doorbell and Zach's mom opens the door Z's mom: oh...Summer...I thought we'd seen the last'a you Summer: is Zach home Z's mom: he's at water polo practice he'll be home in a few minutes Summer: (holds up a bag) could I leave this stuff with you um he left it at my house (frowns) when we were dating Z's mom: (takes the bag) so it's really over between the two of you Summer: (nods) Mrs. Stevens I am so sorry about what happened at the airport Z's mom: you should be Summer: but at least something good came out of it, right I mean Zach met Francesca Z's mom: (confused) who Summer: you know six foot two Italian super model...Zach's new girlfriend Z's mom: an when would this of happened...while he was sulking over you...he never left the hotel room Summer (Summer looks at Z's mom, stunned) CUT TO: The pool house at night - Trey is sitting on the bed with his head down, and the paper in his hand. Ryan knocks Ryan: hey (Trey looks over) (walks in) how'd the...job hunt go today (sits) Trey: (breathes out) not so good...tried five or six places...all turned me down on the spot Ryan: (looks down) that sucks...you hungry, grab a bite...catch up Trey: (nods) yeah, that'd be great Ryan: (smiles) cool (stands) we should head by the pier you'll like it, we got you know...boats an stuff (smiles) after you clean this place up (starts throwing Treys new clothes at him from the bed) gees man you do have closets you know Trey: yeah, you think your funny (Ryan keeps throwing clothes at Trey, laughing. he throws the last piece and underneath it sitting on the bed is the watch from earlier. Ryan's smile goes when he sees it. Trey looks out from behind the clothes and then he looks at Ryan. Ryan picks up the watch and looks at it before looking at Trey, he looks back down at the watch) Ryan: ...this is the watch from that store Trey: yeah I went back today an bought it Ryan: (looks down) don't lie ta me (looks at Trey) Trey: I'm not Ryan: (softly) you're never gonna change (looks away) this family is takin a chance on you Trey Trey: (scoffs) you know what (stands) it makes no difference what I tell you cause your only gonna believe the worst about me no matter what I do Ryan: (yells) hey ya blame me Trey: guess I don't, so why don't I do us both a favour an jus take off Ryan: (yells) fine (Trey heads towards the door and stops) Trey: (yells) oh an I bought it as a gift for you...ta thank you for helpin me out (Ryan looks at him) an uh before you go callin the cops on me (pulls out the receipt) here's the receipt (screws it up and throws it at Ryan) (Ryan watches Trey leave, helplessly) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is sitting on the bed staring off into the distance and Sandy walks in. Ryan stands up Sandy: well the party's startin soon, are you hidin out in here Ryan: yeah, good guess Sandy: (nods) where's Trey (Ryan looks at him) oh I see well...we knew it was gonna be bumpy Ryan: yeah...this is harder then I thought it'd be Sandy: is there anything I can do Ryan: (thinks) hey could I borrow the car Sandy: (takes the keys out and hands them to Ryan) be careful CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Zach walks in the door, and we see Summer sitting at her dressing table. Summer sees Zach in the mirror and jumps up Summer: Zach, hey ugh I realised I forgot to give you your sweatshirt back you know an I was going to Zach: (looking down) I know you talked to my mom today Summer: brief conversation...brief Zach: an I know she told you about Francesca...or lack there of Summer: ...you don't need'ta explain Zach: no I do, when I came home I knew that I was going to see you an Cohen (looks at Summer) an I-I didn't want things to be tense between us (Summer listens) an I figured the only way to do that was...if I was with someone to Summer: (feels bad) Zach I'm sorry...an you told Cohen because...(frowns) you knew that it would get back to me Zach: (nods) within minutes Summer: god that is so typical'a Cohen (shakes her head) I mean he knew that it would make me jealous Zach: Summer...remember she's a fake (smiles) Summer: yeah but still Cohen could not wait to tell me about your smokin new girlfriend he- Zach: this is uh between you an Cohen (realises) which has nothing to do with me (smiles) finally Summer: look (moves closer) Zach...I am so sorry that I made a mess of everything...as for Francesca...unlike some loud mouth geeks...I can keep a secret (Summer and Zach look at each other) CUT TO: The Cohen's backyard - its now decorated for the party. Ryan comes out of the pool house and walks passed Marissa who is leaning on a chair reading Newport Living near by. beside the pool is a mock up of the cover sitting on an easel Marissa: hey (stands) Ryan where're you going Ryan: uh get Trey, he took off Marissa: well ill go with you Ryan: (looks at Marissa) remember what happened last time you came'ta Chino Marissa: yeah I saved your ass (Ryan looks at her) come on (pulls Ryan by the arm) (we now see Kirsten and Julie walking together) Kirsten: do you realise that in a couple'a days your face will be on (thinks) every coffee table in this town Julie: oh frankly I'm suprised we even got it off the ground (Caleb walks over) Caleb: well I'm not suprised at all Kirsten: hi dad (kisses Caleb's cheek) mwa Caleb: I know this magazine is going to be an enormous success Kirsten: absolutely Julie: I...take it everything went smoothly (Kirsten and Julie look at Caleb) Caleb: everything's taken care of Juju (we now see Summer walk over to Seth who is at the bar. they are both dressed up) Summer: uh-hh hm (touches Seth's arm) Seth: hey you made it (puts his arm around Summer and kisses her cheek, Summer appears to pull away) mmm I was starting to get worried (to the bartender) thankyou Summer: well I came for Newport Living, I do live in Newport Seth: ah, is that what this party's for I didn't uh Summer: hm (isn't happy) Seth: (nods) ok what's the deal is it somethin I said Summer: (glares) something you weren't (raises her eyebrows) suppose'ta say Seth: (looks at Summer) right (looks down) I guess I did somethin wrong so I should probably jus apologise Summer: well yeah, if you mean it Seth: its kinda hard ta mean it if I (shakes his head) don't know what it is Summer: (mocking) well its kinda hard ta forgive you if you don't mean it cause you don't know what your spose'ta be apologising for (Seth looks at her, lost) I'm gonna wait in your room for twenty minutes if ya cant figure it out by then I'm gone (walks away) (Seth looks completely clueless, poor guy! - we now see Carter walk over to Caleb, Kirsten and Julie) Caleb: hello everybody, Julie congratulations Julie: thankyou Carter: (to Kirsten) may I speak with you for a moment Kirsten: sure (Kirsten and Carter walk away from Caleb and Julie) Kirsten: what is it Carter: (softly) have I said something to you, have I done something wrong cause all day you have seemed angry at me (Kirsten goes to speak, but cant) look, whatever it is I hope you can talk to me about it because we are liable to be working together for a long time so I don't wanna- (Kirsten looks over at Julie and Julie gives her a thumbs up. Carter notices and looks over at Julie) Carter: on second thought, uh lets just focus on the presentation (Kirsten looks at him) ...I-I I hope it goes without a hitch (Kirsten closes her eyes and sighs. she opens them and sees a waiter walking towards her {I debated putting this information in because when I watched it the first time I didn't catch it, but the waiter is Lance, he cleans up nice and its very easy to miss}) Kirsten: uh scuse me is that chardonnay Lance/waiter: yes ma'm it is (smiles) Kirsten: (takes a glass) thankyou CUT TO: Chino - Ryan and Marissa are out of the front of like a bar, it looks very rough Ryan: use'ta hang out at this place all the time (Marissa goes in and Ryan follows her. the next thing we see is Marissa and Ryan inside the bar) Marissa: (points) there he is Ryan: back in a sec (Marissa nods and crosses her arms. Ryan goes over to Trey who is playing pool, with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth Trey: what the hell you doin here man Ryan: come to find you Trey: I'm not lookin to be found Ryan: Trey Trey: bat it - little brother Ryan: (looks at Marissa then back at Trey) I jus wanna talk to you alright Trey: why man your in your pool house an-an I'm here Ryan: (softly) I'm sorry alright Trey: why're we kiddin ourselves here Ry...you knew it couldn't work...we are who we are Ryan: I'm not goin back to Newport without you Trey: fine...stay here (walks away) see how well you fit in after bein away two years, I'm gonna go out an get some air (Ryan looks over at Marissa. some drunk guy sits down next to her and smiles, she smiles at him then looks away, uneasy - we then see Trey walk outside, he kicks a trash can and it makes a bang) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Summer is sitting on the bed waiting and Seth walks in Seth: ok uh...I've thought about it, I've thought about why you're angry Summer: (nods) and Seth: I have nothing I do - not know what I did wrong Summer but listen I am totally willing to apologise, extremely sincerely Summer: why did you tell me about Francesca Seth: um...because you begged me to Summer: that is not why Cohen, I have begged you to do plenty of stuff like give up comic books stop mumbling an you don't do any of that Seth: are you actually angry with me for being jealous of you being jealous of Zach Summer: no...you were jealous Seth: gee why would that be Summer, hearing you go on an on about Zach's new woman Summer: because ya told me about her Seth: yeah I did, I saw the high road there an I jus did not take it on that one, d'you wanna know why (Summer motions yes) I was a little bit worried...here we had this big great kiss in the rain upside down an I don't know, I thought maybe what if after that everything was a let down for you...ya had buyers remorse or somethin Summer: (softening) Cohen (sighs, stands and moves closer) you...are so...neurotic (holds Seth around the waist) Seth: exactly...unlike Zach who's anxiety free with his big smile...natural athleticism Summer: hm Seth: that guy makes me feel very Jewish (closes his eyes) Summer: look I know Zach looks great on paper, son of a congressman (Seth rubs her arm) sweet selfless, hey an even well boring Seth: yeah he's a touch bland Summer: yeah, an you (smiles) with all your little flaws (touches Seth's cheeks) an your little quirks (Seth frowns) somehow ya keep draw'in me back in Seth: (nods) yeah Summer: mm-hmm Seth: so what you're saying to me is then...that the more neurotic an insecure I am...the more you're attracted to me Summer: hmm Seth: well then (Summer laughs and puts her hands around his neck) do I look fat in these pants (they fall out of the sht and onto Seth's bed together. Summer laughs) CUT TO: Cohen backyard - in front a big screen we see Julie, Kirsten and Carter standing together, as well as the mock up of the magazine. the crowd is standing in front of them watching Carter: (into mic) hello everyone, I'm Carter Buckley uh managing editor (Kirsten smiles) and on behalf of everyone at Newport Living (Kirsten and Julie smile) id like to thank you all for coming tonight (clapping from the crowd, Sandy and Caleb are standing together up the back) now I would like to introduce the woman who has made all of this possible...Julie Cooper-Nichol (Carter hands the mic to Julie. Kirsten claps) Julie: (into mic) thankyou Carter I cant believe this night is finally here, well, what is Newport Living (off screen) a style guide for sure a society page, local politics, the art scene, news pages, all the different colours that ? (we now see Sandy and Caleb, with Julie's speech heard in the background) Sandy: wow, so that's Carter Buckley (we see Carter and Kirsten standing together off to the side) Caleb: you haven't met him yet Sandy: no he's ben more of a-a phantom presence, I thought he'd look more like Jerry Garcia Caleb: (looks at Sandy) who Julie: but if you really wanna know what Newport Living is all about (smiles proudly) take a look at this (Julie holds a remote up to the big screen and presses a button then steps back to watch. on the screen we see a very 'eighties' Julie with a sweat band on her head, and awful clothes. we quickly realise its the wrong tape) Young Julie: if I've never had sex before (Julie is stunned, Kirsten turns around and looks at Carter) why do I feel so horny (takes off her top) (the crowd starts whispering/talking) Kirsten: Julie, Julie Young Julie: you're turning me on Caleb: dear god (Sandy is watching, stunned) Julie: (stunned) oh my god Kirsten: Julie give me the remote (tries to take it from Julie) Young Julie: come on cute pizza boy (Kirsten stands in front of the screen trying to shut it off. Caleb and Sandy watch helplessly. on the screen the pizza boy is now holding Young Julie on his lap. Carter goes over to try and help Kirsten. we see Young Julie throw the pizza boy down onto the bed. Julie looks away with tears in her eyes {this is probably the first time I've felt for her!} we now see quick scans of the shocked crowd and the sound of the moaning on the tape, but it's amplified. Caleb looks over at Julie, Julie looks at Caleb upset. Carter is still desperately trying to get the remote to work. we see a close up of Sandy and he closes his eyes) Carter: ready (pushes a button and the picture freezes) (Julie looks around, mortified. we see a close up of Caleb then he blurs and we see Lance come into focus standing behind Caleb and Sandy. he has a huge smile on his face. we see Julie again then we see Lance take his tie off and walk away) Julie: son of a...bitch Kirsten: (goes over to Julie) Julie lets get you outta here (puts her hand on Julies back and they walk away) Carter: (off screen) sorry about that everyone its a er (on screen) technical difficulties, please everyone uh (Sandy looks down) help themselves to a-a-a (Caleb doesn't look impressed) drink...or two...uh lord knows I ...I'm going to (Carter walks away and we see a close up of the screen one last time. we can see Julie side on in a pink bra, it looks as though she was about to take it off. in the background everyone is talking) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Julie is sitting on the seat at the end of the bed, and leaning her arm on the bed upset, Caleb walks in Caleb: don't worry Juju (sits) it'll all blow over (rubs Julies shoulders) Julie: I don't understand I mean you gave him his damn money Caleb: jus goes to show it doesn't pay to give inta these people (Julie sighs) you meet there every demand...an they ruin you anyway...well ruins the wrong word Julie: well you can go on with your life Cal but I am never leaving this room, my Howard Hughes phase starts now Caleb: (smiles) we could go ta Europe...Paris, Vienna anywhere you like...by the time we get back something else will have exploded to make this whole thing look silly Julie: (considers) I guess you can always count on this town for new scandal (sniffs) Paris (Caleb kisses Julies cheek) CUT TO: The party - Carter and Kirsten are standing together and Sandy walks over to them Sandy: Carter, Sandy Cohen (shakes Carters hand) you throw a hell of a party Carter: Sandy it's great to finally meet you (Kirsten looks from Sandy to Carter) Sandy: nice to meet you Kirsten: I-I'm so sorry I haven't introduced you two Carter: oh uh no problem (to Sandy) you sound like you have a wonderful family Sandy: (nods) I do, thankyou, including my mother in-law the prn star (Carter laughs) hey if it makes you feel any better I-I think it kinda livened things up Carter: yeah well here's hoping everyone was drunk enough they black out an don't remember anything tomorrow (Kirsten smiles) Sandy: here's hoping, can I get you two anything at the same time: Kirsten: no thanks I'm good Carter: oh no thanks I'm-I'm fine Sandy: (nods) alright (smiles and leaves) (Kirsten looks uncomfortable) Carter: listen (Kirsten looks at him) about before...I have to apologise Kirsten: (frowns) you do Carter: yeah you know we have ben working together for a few weeks now an I jus want you to know that if...there has ben a...tension between us (Kirsten listens) Kirsten: Carter I don't know what you're talking about Carter: if there's ben a...a vibe...between us (Kirsten looks at him) its me...ok an I am sorry Kirsten: (shakes her head) Carter Carter: lets jus leave it at that alright (Carter smiles and walks away leaving Kirsten by herself) CUT TO: Chino - Ryan and Marissa are still in the bar. they are sitting at a table together waiting for Trey to come back in. they both look like they've had enough Marissa: Ryan I don't think he's coming back Ryan: ...alright let's go (sighs) we should go find him (they both stand up and head towards the exit. Marissa is in front) Guy from before: hey you feel like playin some pool (puts his arm out) Marissa: no thanks <	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "02x17 - The Brothers Grim"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Cohen kitchen in the morning - Trey is making breakfast and Ryan comes in Ryan: hey Trey: (looks up) hey Ryan: what're you makin, moms hang over special Trey: (smiles) what'do you mean, pack'a smokes and a fresh cocktail (Ryan smiles) (beats eggs) nope just uh somethin I picked up in prison (Ryan looks at him) (Seth comes in) Seth: ah yeah the old scallion an shiv ? omelet (nods) I've seen lock up, Stallone's (points) finest work since over the top Trey: Stallone huh, nah I'm more of a Van Damme fan (looks at Seth matter of factly) Ryan: what're you kidding me, Segal man Seth: yeah a divided house cannot eat, now we all gotta get together behind a single action hero (Sandy comes in) Sandy: Steve McQueen Seth: Steve ma-who (looks at Sandy) Sandy: oh my own son doesn't know Steve McQueen Trey: (nods) y'know alotta people like Great Escape, I gotta go with Bullitt Sandy: he cooks breakfast an a McQueen fan, I knew I liked you Ryan: (to Sandy) how was surfing Sandy: unbelievable (motions 'huge waves' with his hand) Trey: (looks at Sandy) you surf Seth: he surfs, he sings (Sandy smiles) he technically fights crime maybe Sandy Cohen could be our action here Sandy: just say the word my son Trey: (to Sandy) you think you could give me a (shrugs) surf lesson some time (Kirsten comes in) Kirsten: oooh better you then me, he's ben tryin'a get me out there for years (phone rings) Sandy: (frowns) I have tried, I have tried, I have failed, I have failed Kirsten: (looks at the phone) Julie Cooper (smiles) this cant be good (walks away to answer the phone) Seth: (to Trey) Julie is uh Marissa's mom Trey: oooh so (thinks) Ryan's mother in-law (Ryan looks at him) Sandy: what, what Ryan an Marissa...what Seth: it's on Sandy: really, I am always the last ta know (Ryan sits down at the bench) Ryan: there's nothin to know Trey: oh really, cause...that's not what it looked like the other night (shrugs) you comin'ta Marissa's rescue an all (Ryan looks away) Sandy: well he's very chivalrous, not unlike a young Steve McQueen Seth: yeah some people say chivalry's dad (shakes his head) I don't believe it Ryan: (almost fed up) there's nothing goin on with me an Marissa (looks at Sandy) Sandy: nothing Trey: (frowns) really Seth: (leans forward) Ryan (Ryan looks from Seth, to Trey and then Sandy) Ryan: ...we're takin it slow (Seth, Sandy and Trey all make oohhh noises. its all over each other so I can't catch specifics, sorry!) Seth: yyyyyeeeeeaaaahhhhh (claps, laughs) takin it slow (Ryan smiles and motions towards himself, as if to say yeah yeah, I can take it) Sandy: oh it's a good thing she's no longer your neighbour Seth: that's right, its hard'ta take it slow with her next door (Kirsten comes back in) Kirsten: sooo, Caleb an Julie are off on their trip Sandy: oh what're we gonna do without em Kirsten: well for starters...housekeeper got deported (Ryan raises his eyebrow) an so there's no one to stay in the house with Marissa (Ryan listens) so I told Julie that Marissa could stay here for the week (Sandy looks from Kirsten to Ryan, stunned. Trey looks at Ryan, enjoying it. Kirsten looks at Ryan, oblivious) Seth: (smiles) that'll keep things at a snails pace (nods) (Ryan looks worried) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Caleb's mansion - we see it from the outside, then we see Marissa in her bathroom. she zips up a toiletry bag and walks back into her bedroom where Summer is Summer: I can't believe you're moving in with the Cohen's Marissa: it's just for the week, besides this way I can keep an eye on your boyfriend (smiles) (puts toiletry bag into a suitcase) Summer: and yours Marissa: what, I'm not dating Seth Summer: (looks at Marissa) Coop, you know who I mean Marissa: no, I don't cause I don't have a boyfriend (picks up Share Bear) Summer: rrright, yeah you an Ryan staying under the same tent drove Alex outta town (Marissa puts Share Bear in her suitcase) cant - imagine what's gonna happen with you two under the same roof Marissa: nothing will happen Summer: (frowns) yeah nothing - will happen in this (picks up a sexy PJ top from the suitcase) Marissa: (smiles) what? it's cute! Summer: yeah well if you think its cute wearing something that screams (overly dramatic, softly) take me now Marissa: look it's the middle of spring, its too hot to wear flannel PJ's (walks over to her drawer) Summer: what's gonna be too hot is you wearing this, an Ryan seeing you wearing this Marissa: he's not gonna see me wearing it! (picks up flannel PJs) but just incase CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Kirsten is on the phone Kirsten: no I know (closes her eyes) eh...don't worry ill-ill-ill handle it, ill find a replacement...ok thanks, bye (hangs up) (in the background Sandy has entered the room) Kirsten: (sees Sandy) mm, oh hey honey...what're ya doin Sandy: y'know headin inta the office (sits) start work on the low income housing initiative Kirsten: so you're free then Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) no (laughs) what's up Kirsten: well you know, the OC charity yard sale that I was supposed'ta chair but cant because I'm working Sandy: (suprised) the OC has a charity yard sale Kirsten: well the donors get to keep half the money so it's not just for charity Sandy: (frowns) I thought all the yards around here were gated Kirsten: it's in a ball room...of a country club Sandy: so a charity event where the donors keep half the profits, an a yard sale with no yard, hm (stands) so that's how they do it in the OC Kirsten: Sandy (stands) (moves closer) I was jus wondering if you could do me a...tiny...little favor Sandy: (looks at Kirsten, looks away then looks back) (smiles) no (Kirsten looks at him desperately) no way (smiles, laughs and walks out) Kirsten: n- (sighs) (follows) Sandy it's an honorary chair, a figure head position, you'd be the master of ceremonies like an auctioneer an you know what an MC has Sandy: an unfair advantage, you know the opponents weakness Kirsten: that's right, a microphone, on a stage, with an audience, a cptive - audience Sandy: and a few show tunes perhaps (turns around to face Kirsten) Kirsten: no (smiles) you just have'ta go by the club today an say hello Sandy: (caving) just a figure head Kirsten: (kisses Sandy's cheek) with a mic (smiles) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Seth pushes the dishes in the dishwasher. Trey and Ryan are in there still, and Sandy walks in Sandy: hey men, I'm chairin the OC pseudo charity non yard sale Seth: (on the way out) gee dad that is fantastic Ryan: (also on the way out) good luck with that Sandy: I need your help, what'ya doin Seth: well I (looks at Ryan) never thought id be so happy to say this but Ryan an I have school (screws up his face, in fake disappointment and clicks his finger) Ryan: eh (screws up his face and points to his watch) Sandy: that's your excuse today, tomorrow your mine (to Trey) what're you doin today Trey: (frowns) lookin for a job Sandy: I got one for ya, me you...an the Newpsie's (raises eyebrows) Trey: (frowns) what's...a Newpsie... CUT TO: The country club - we see an aerial sht of the country club. then we are inside with Sandy and Trey. there are things to auction everywhere, pictures, silverware, furniture etc Sandy: (off screen) there like vultures except (on screen) the Newpsie's like to paint their talons, actually they'd rather have somebody else paint their talons, ohp, here comes the flock right now Joan: Sandy Cohen, right on time Sandy: we jus stopped by to say hello, an test the mic Taryn: (looks at Trey) oh and you brought a friend (smiles) Sandy: yes indeed, Trey (points) meet Newport's finest (to the women) Trey came along just incase we needed a little help but I see ya don't (looks around) my goodness you guys are pro's (Trey smiles) we're gonna get outta your hair Taryn: uh actually, it's great that your here (nods) Joan: the moving company we hired got a flat tyre an now we have no one ta do the heavy lifting (looks at Trey) Trey: heavy...lifting...I guess I-I (raises eyebrows) could do that Joan: oh, thank god, follow me (Trey looks back at Sandy as they walk away) Sandy: ill be back to pick ya up in a couple'a hours (Taryn smiles at him) I'm glad he could help out (goes to leave) Taryn: um, Sandy (grabs Sandy's arm) the job of the chair is to choose table linens, flat ware, centre pieces Sandy: (looks at Taryn) alright ok, ill help Trey with the lifting Taryn: uh, we need you Sandy, you're the honorary chair it's not just a figure head position Sandy: (disappointed) its not CUT TO: Harbor school - we see kids outside walking around, and then we see Seth and Ryan sit down in the student lounge Seth: let me jus paint a picture of what could maybe happen, now its late at night an your thirsty (Ryan looks away) so is she so ya meet up at the fridge (Ryan looks at him) (guy voice) hey (girly voice) hey (guy voice) you (girly voice) maybe just you, lets kiss on the mouth (closes his eyes and makes kissing motions/sounds) ok (more kissing, Ryan looks at him and frowns) (getting into it) oh lets french hard, aaah (Marissa comes over to the couch) Marissa: what're you doing Seth: (quickly stops and turns around to face Marissa) hey (stands) I gotta get goin to class or I'm gonna be late Marissa: was Seth talking about me (almost blushing) an how awkward its gonna be when I move in Ryan: (plays dumb) you're movin in, I had no idea (stands) Marissa: (suprised) really, cause my mom said she called Kirsten an ran it by you guys Ryan: hm, no, no, but your movin in (raises eyebrows) that's great Marissa: it won't be awkward, right Ryan: pfff, is this awkward Marissa: (thinks) no, not at all (smiles) Ryan: great see you at home (walks away) (Marissa walks in front of the camera and out of the sht - we then see Ryan walking in the hall. he walks by Seth at his locker) Seth: hey (Ryan pushes Seth hard in the back making him slam into his locker {it's hilarious to watch!} we hear the bang, then see the back of Ryan as he keeps walking) Seth: (yells) don't blame me for your sexual tension (Zach walks over) Zach: hey Cohen Seth: hey (shakes Zach's hand) Zach: you know what's comin out on DVD this weekend Seth: yeah I sure do, Elektra, an there's a reason (points) I didn't see that crap in the theatres Zach: come on Seth: ever since the whole comic book debacle I kinda promised Summer i'd dial it down a bit Zach: (opens his bag) I'm in the same boat, my mom (pulls out a stack of comics) is making me donate ten'a these for the charity yard sale Seth: dude your a martyr, that sucks Zach: eh, anyway ill see ya around (walks away) Seth: yeah, hey, hey, hey Zach (Zach turns back) I've got an idea, why don't I donate five'a mine, spare you five'a yours, we'll go in on it together Zach: you'd do that Seth: yeah, look we really should be putting comic books behind us anyways Zach: an it's for charity Seth: that's right, so we'll split the profits right Zach: absolutely Seth: alright, good stuff (hits Zach's arm with his hand) CUT TO: The country club - Trey and Joan are in the backroom with all the stuff that is being auctioned. Trey has a large ottoman over his shoulder Joan: easy with that, it's worth thousands of dollars Trey: well then why wouldn't they want it (begins to put it down) seems like a perfectly good stool Joan: it's an antique ottoman, an it's hideous. now onto the bar relief Trey: what's this Joan: oh, David Pastors father in-laws brother ran the prop house at Warner Brothers, it's from some Tom Cruise movie (Trey is looking at the crystal egg, mesmerised) Trey: this is...the crystal egg...from Risky Business Joan: well it's not the F fourteen from Top gn Trey: (small smile) that is so cool...this thing must be worth a fortune Joan: (looks at the tag) let's see it's appraised at ten thousand Trey: (still staring at the egg) that's a fortune Joan: (not fazed) I guess... come Trey (Trey looks up) come (motions for Trey to walk away from the egg) (Trey follows Joan, not before looking back at the egg one last time) FADE TO: The beach - we see the sun slowly setting and the waves crashing on the beach CUT TO: Cohen front door - Kirsten has the door opened and Marissa is standing there with her things, ready to move in Kirsten: welcome to casa Cohen (Marissa walks in, smiles) we're almost at capacity but there's always room for one more (shuts the door) Marissa: well thanks for letting me stay here Kirsten: well I couldn't let you stay in the mansion all by yourself (looks at Marissa) Marissa: (laughs) so where do you want me Kirsten: good question (Marissa and Kirsten both look in the direction of the kitchen) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Seth is sitting on his floor looking through comics, Ryan is lying on his bed looking at a comic Ryan: so what're you doin with these things Seth: (doesn't look up) making a grand sacrifice for charity Ryan, its all in a days work...when does Marissa get here Ryan: I don't know, you want another dad arm Seth: ...no thankyou Ryan: I'm gonna go see if Treys back (sits up) wonder how it went (gets up) Seth: well I didn't hear about any Newpsie knifings on the news so Ryan: hey you wanna go a little living room re-match Seth: yeah, yeah lets make it a three-way (Ryan looks at him) what (frowns) that came out weird (looks down) ill meet you downstairs CUT TO: The backyard - Ryan is walking towards the pool house. he walks up the stairs and opens the pool house door, thinking nothing of it. inside we see a topless Marissa, from the back. she's holding her shirt to her chest to cover herself, and looking at Ryan over her shoulder. we can also see her tattoo just above the waist of her pants Marissa: (shocked, turns on the side) hi Ryan: (sees, shuts the door a little, gasps) you're not Trey (looks away, avoiding eye contact) Marissa: mm, Kirsten moved him (looks at Ryan) Ryan: I'm gonna go find him then Marissa: ok (smiles) Ryan: (looks down) right, um sorry, you know I- (frowns) if anyone should know about knocking before entering the pool house (Seth comes up behind him and walks away) (laughs) that'd be me Marissa: (shrugs it off) nothing you haven't seen before, right Ryan: (breathes in) right (Marissa looks at him) (realises and shuts the door) (Ryan turns around to walk away and sees Seth standing there) Seth: that didn't take long (motions with his head) c'mon Treys inside wearin a shirt (Ryan looks at Seth then back towards the pool house door. we see the silhouette of Marissa, Ryan blinks then walks back towards the house and we see the silhouette of Marissa again, then she walks away from the door) CUT TO: Cohen house, early morning - we see Ryan in bed. he has his arms underneath his head, and he looks restless. he's also showing his upper chest, and the blanket covers the rest of him. after a few seconds he sits up on his elbows and looks over at the alarm clock, it reads 6:00. we then hear snoring, he looks over at Trey who is sound asleep next to his bed, he looks at the clock again then gets out of bed and walks passed Trey CUT TO: The pool house - we see Marissa lying in bed in the PJs from earlier, wide awake staring at the ceiling. she sits up on her elbow and realises the top button of her PJ top is undone, she looks down and buttons it up. she looks over at the alarm clock which changes from 6:00 to 6:01, we see Marissa again, she looks as though she's thinking CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - a sleepy Ryan walks in, he rubs his eyes then opens the fridge. he pulls the milk out and shuts the fridge. he turns around and looks suprised. we then see a sleepy Marissa walking through the kitchen door, she stops when she sees Ryan Marissa: hey Ryan: hey (Marissa stands there, not saying anything) couldn't sleep Marissa: me either (sighs) Ryan: hungry (holds up the milk) Marissa: sure (walks over to the bench) (Ryan grabs two spoons and goes over to where Marissa is. Marissa sits up on the bench while Ryan stands next to her making them both breakfast) Ryan: (looks at Marissa, smiles) nice PJ's (Marissa smiles) aren't ya hot Marissa: I get cold Ryan: (looks at Marissa, softly) ah right (Marissa watches him for a few seconds) how's the pool house Marissa: ...uh weird (shrugs) you know the only time I've ever slept in that bed I was...with you (looks at Ryan) (Ryan looks up at Marissa, Marissa looks back at him. we then see their hands close up. Marissa has hers resting on the bench next to her leg, and Ryan moves his hand closer to hers. his pinky just touches the edge of her hand and the lights suddenly go on. Ryan quickly pulls his hand away) Trey: uh-hh Marissa: (shuts her eyes and rubs them) whoa (Ryan rubs his eyes) (a sleepy Trey watches them both) Trey: you guys are up early Marissa: (nods, opens her eyes) hm Trey: hope I'm not...interrupting anything at the same time: Marissa: no it's cool Ryan: uh no its fine uh-hh Trey: jus gotta get a jump on the day (stretches) mm apartment hunting Marissa: (gets down from the bench) hey, you know I know a place that's available Trey: yeah Marissa: it was my friend Alex's Trey: you wanna check it out man Ryan: nah, nah I cant I gotta...help Sandy with the yard sale Trey: (shakes his head) don't mess with those Newpsie's (Marissa & Ryan smile) but hey I did my time yesterday Marissa: well, I'm free (Ryan looks at her) I could go with you (Trey points at Marissa then makes a thumbs up. Marissa nods) Ryan: there you go (hands Marissa breakfast) Marissa: thanks (goes and sits at the kitchen table) Ryan: Trey jus so you know its cool you don't have'ta find a place Trey: I love you like a brother, brother (Ryan looks at him) but we're too old to be sleepin in the same room (hits Ryan on the chest) Ryan: (softly) yeah Trey: besides, think I'm gettin in the way (Trey leaves the kitchen and we see Marissa eating her breakfast, Ryan watches her then looks down) CUT TO: The country club - we see the flash from a camera, then we see Seth with a polaroid camera in his hands. Ryan is standing just to the left of him. the photo spits out of the camera and Ryan takes the item off the table and puts it back where it was Seth: alright buddy, its catch up time, since the pool house has ben occupied there hasn't really ben any privacy so this'll have'ta do (Ryan puts the ottoman on the table) have there ben any uh midnight run-ins involving say yoohoo an under-thingies Ryan: there's nothing going on Seth (touches Seth's cheek as he walks passed) Seth: ok, you be that way Ryan: yeah Seth: (holds the camera up again) alright ottoman work with me, your sexy get nasty, work with me you ottoman you little (walks backwards, the crystal egg is right behind him) that's it your a cougar, your a panther an your in the woods (Seth bumps the table with the egg on it, ith his butt and it begins to topple over in slow motion. slow motion Ryan turns around and sees it going. we see the egg again falling more. Ryan looks at it, panicked. he goes to dive for it just as it falls off the stand and bounces towards the floor. Ryan catches it in his hands just in time) Ryan: Seth Seth: (oblivious) what (turns around) what (Ryan gets up off his knees, egg in hand) Seth: (laughs) hey, good save, that things probably worth a million dollars Ryan: (reads the tag) ten thousand, huh, says it's from Risky Business Seth: really, hey dude turn it the other way it's got a crack in it Ryan: alright got it, alright (Seth takes a photo of the egg - we then see Sandy in the ball room with the Newpsie's) Sandy: hello (looks around) whoa ow ladies, I-I I hate to say I told you so (points) but these centre pieces an those table cloths they-they clash, Taryn I told ya to get those linens with the hem stitch Taryn: I-I know Sandy I know (folds up the table cloth) Sandy: I'm sorry but...ya have no one else to blame but yourself, ow (Kirsten and Carter walk in) Kirsten: who are you (folds her arms, smiles) an what'did you do with my husband Sandy: well if it isn't our proud sponsor Kirsten: I uh I brought the banner, an Carter (smiles) Sandy: Carter Carter: Sandy I had no idea you were so multi faceted Sandy: ah (stops) Joan (Carter looks where Sandy is) tell me you didn't order those napkin rings (Joan looks at the rings) this is not a mob wedding Joan: gosh Sandy I thought they were kind of fun Sandy: no (holds his hand out) (Carter laughs) Kirsten: uh who wants to help me hang the banner Sandy: ask Taryn, please she's screwin up the table cloths, get her off the table cloths Kirsten: ok (looks at Sandy then Carter and walks away) Sandy: thirsty Carter: yes (they walk over to the food and drink table) Sandy: so you an Kirsten have ben...spendin alot'a time workin together (Carter nods) long hours...late nights Carter: Sandy you have a great wife, I'm sorry to keep her from you (Sandy nods) from everything she says, we should be friends (smiles) Sandy: well here's to bein friends, you me... an Kirsten (they clink cups) CUT TO: Alex's old apartment - Marissa is standing in the door way leaning against the door frame. the apartment is completely bare. Trey is checking out Trey: (nods) so this chick jus split Marissa: (looks down almost sadly, then looks at Trey) ...moved back to her parents, yeah Landlord: an didn't get her damage deposit back either...so we got a decision, I got a tenant in 6A who's pipes burst, I gotta get down there before they drown (Marissa looks at Trey) Trey: (nods) ill take it Landlord: great (Marissa smiles, and walks in) ill need first an last months rent plus security Trey: (thinks) uh that's three thousand dollars I...(looks at Marissa) Marissa: uh hey you know, what if we make you a better offer, I mean you know those busted pipes (shrugs, looks at Trey) Trey here's quite handy, him with a sledge hammer (raises eyebrows) amazing Trey: I think she means hammer but, but yeah what if I uh...became your guy (raises eyebrows) anything breaks down ill fix it Landlord: (considers) ill call you tonight with an answer, jus leave your number (Trey smiles at Marissa, Marissa nods. Trey writes down his number) CUT TO: The country club - Zach comes out of the elevator into the back room where Seth is still busy photographing everything Zach: Cohen Seth: hey Zach: I hear your the guy to see about the uh inventory (holds up comics) Seth: hey um will you help me, I've gotta take pictures of all of this crap Zach: yeah Seth: ok thanks, alright hold it up (Zach holds the comics on top of the ottoman from earlier) more, more, more, your naughty Zach: (frustrated) jus take the picture Seth: you're an animal in the woods (Zach frowns) (Seth takes the picture and Zach puts the comics down. the photo comes out) Carter: excuse me, are you Seth (Seth looks over) hey Carter Buckley (shakes Seth's hand) I-I'm working with uh Seth: oh, yeah it's my mom (points to himself) Carter: your mom Seth: how are you Carter: Newport Living, she said you were quite the...comics fan Seth: oh, was, was (points) Zach an I here are actually movin on Carter: hi (shakes Zach's hand) Zach: yeah we're auctioning off our comics Carter: your mom said ya had your own comic Seth: oh Zach: we did, we almost sold it to wild storm (puts something new up to be photographed) save for a melt down during the pitch Seth: yeah, but we're puttin that behind us now Carter: must be hard to walk away from, your own comic (Seth takes the photo) Zach: you weren't at the meeting, I don't think Cohen's picked up a pencil since that fateful Valentines Day Seth: well you know I've actually ben sort of... Zach: (suprised) you-you went on without me Carter: how many issues do you have Seth: uh (thinks) probably have enough for like twelve or thirteen stories Carter: that's like the perfect amount for a graphic novel Seth: oh I always wanted to write the uh great American graphic novel but (shakes his head and looks at Zach) we cannot (points) Zach: (excited) yes we can, c'mon Cohen this is awesome! (looks at Carter) Seth: I know but its not even up'ta me, you know who it's up to Zach: who's it up to (Seth says something then takes a photo, sorry I can't work out what he says, but it's referencing Summer) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer pulls some clothes out of her wardrobe, and Seth comes in behind her and holds her from behind Seth: hello Summer my dearest (kisses Summer's head) mmmwa Summer: ooook what'do you want Cohen (walks over to her bed) thought you were working at the yard sale Seth: cant a guy jus show his lady a little bit'a love (Summer looks at him) ok uh I was at the yard sale...an Zach an I got to talking Summer: Zach was there, glad to hear that you two'a you are putting the past behind you Seth: well uh (sits on the bed) about the past...so Zach an I got to talking, an we're sorta chatting about uh...our passions an our dreams an- Summer: ooooh that make you think of me, that is so sweet (kisses Seth) mwa Seth: ...no actually Summer: (looks at Seth) really, because the only other passions you have besides me are (Seth looks at her) Captain Oats, whiney music an well (closes her eyes) I know it cant be comic books because if you bring up you an Zach an atomic county (serious) ill kll you both while you sleep (smiles) (Seth looks at Summer, not saying anything) CUT TO: Cohen backyard - Sandy is cooking food and Kirsten walks over to him with a bottle of wine and two glasses Kirsten: I hope you approve of the table cloth that I have selected for dinner (smiles) Sandy: I really don't care about table cloths honey, I just enjoy watchin those Newpsie's (laughs) squirm, have I mentioned how much I like Carter Kirsten: a few times, yes Sandy: after Jimmy left I thought i'd said goodbye to my last friend, but Carter (turns around to look at Kirsten, who has her back to him) I think he's a keeper Kirsten: (turns around) really (smiles) well, that's great (hands Sandy a glass) Sandy: yeah we're talkin about hangin out next week, maybe get some drinks Kirsten: well I know he likes drinks (smiles, the smile goes and she looks worried, she takes a drink) CUT TO: Cohen living room - Ryan is lying on the couch playing the playstation. Marissa and Trey come in from the hallway. Marissa is smiling Trey: you are looking (points to himself) at a proud new renter Ryan: what (sits up) wow, congrats man Trey: (sits) thanks (phone rings) Trey: what're we playing Ryan: uhhh, ooo Marissa: ill get it (goes to the kitchen) Ryan: oh thankyou (to Trey) we are playing Marissa: (answers) Cohen residence...oh hi, yeah hang on (calls out) hey Trey, it's for you, it's the landlord Ryan: (points) grab it right there (Trey walks over to the phone) Trey: (answers) hello Landlord: hey sooo...bad news...your background didn't check out, I jus can't risk making you the manager (Trey sits) but you seem like a good guy soooo ill hold the place for twenty four hours Trey: ill uh come up with the money...thanks Landlord: you bet (Trey hangs up. in the kitchen we see that Marissa was listening in. she closes her eyes and hangs up the phone. Trey stands and puts the phone down, he walks back over to Ryan and picks up the controls then sits next to Ryan) Ryan: everything alright Trey: yeah, jus wanted to know when I'm movin in (smiles) Ryan: you're sure you can cover it (looks at trey) the money Trey: hey it's handled little brother (Marissa comes back in) jus gonna do some work around the place un...til I can pay him back, I told you I'm gettin it together Ryan: I'm proud'a you man (Marissa sits on the arm of the chair) Trey: oh thank Marissa, it was her idea (Ryan smiles at Marissa, Marissa forces a smile back. Trey looks at Marissa. Marissa looks worried) CUT TO: Cohen guest bedroom, early morning - we see the alarm clock says 6:00, then we see Ryan in bed with his back away from where Trey sleeps, after a few seconds he rubs his eyes and leans up on his elbows. the camera slowly pulls back to show that Trey isn't in his bed. Ryan looks over and sees - the next thing we see is the stairs, and we hear the door shut. Trey starts walking up the stairs, we see Ryan is sitting on them further up Ryan: where you ben Trey: (laughs) don't worry about me mommy (Ryan looks at him, un impressed) I was over at the new place...landlord wanted me to tape down some dry wall, do a little plastering Ryan: (looks at Trey, un convinced) at six in the morning Trey: (moves towardsRyan) plasters gotta dry before you paint bro (looks at Ryan) Ryan: ...ok (goes back up the stairs) (Trey stands there, looking as though he's thinking) CUT TO: The pool house - we hear a knock at the door and we see Marissa making the bed Marissa: come in (Trey walks in smiling, holding a plate full of food) Trey: hey Marissa: (turns around) hi Trey: I was makin breakfast an...I made too much, thought you might be hungry Marissa: oh, no thanks (walks towards the bench) Trey: yeah...hey I jus wanted ta thankyou again for helpin me out...with the a-apartment (Marissa nods, with her back to him) but your probably busy so...ill come back later Marissa: look (turns around) I over heard your call (Trey looks at her) I know he didn't take the offer Trey: (nods) so when're you gonna tell Ryan Marissa: I'm not...you know he really wants to believe in you Trey: an why he shouldn't he Marissa: (moves towards Trey) because you lied ta him Trey: it's not a lie (Marissa looks at him) I got friends, I'm gonna come up with the money Marissa: (looks at Trey) I can help you (Trey looks at Marissa, Marissa looks down) Trey: you've done enough, an I don't need anyone else here worryin about me, I've got it Marissa: alright...but you should know if you do anything stupid, it's really (raises eyebrows) gonna hurt Ryan (Marissa leaves and Trey watches her) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - on his bed are trading cards and sticks of gum spread out. Seth and Zach are in there together Zach: so what d'you got Seth: our new hobby Zach: baseball cards Seth: there really cool, they come with gum an there worth (frowns) like all sorts'a different amounts (Zach frowns) but each month they go up an down in value like the stock market (nods, smiles) (Zach looks at him) they come with gum Zach: you talked to Summer didn't you Seth: I dipped a toe in the comic book pool, it was icy Zach it was subzero Zach: so that's it, all that work your never gonna show anyone else, because of a girl Seth: she thrat to kll us both (puts gum in his mouth) while we sleep Zach: ...give me one'a those pieces'a gum (points) (the next thing we see is Zach and Seth coming down the stairs. Zach is holding a stack of the baseball cards. we hear the doorbell) Zach: (frowns) who's Kurt Shilling anyway (hands card to Seth) Seth: I don't know...dude I like his uniform though, could I have this one Zach: (nods) ah-huh Seth: thanks (puts the card in his pocket) (Seth opens the door and Carter is standing there) Seth: hey, my mom already left for the pseudo charity non...yard sale Carter: well actually I came to see you guys, my old assistant is the VP of development at a graphic novel company (Zach looks at Seth) I arranged a meeting Seth: (looks at Zach, Zach nods) (screws up his face) ssssssssssssss no, I'm sorry now lets go (points) Zach your drivin (to Carter) thankyou so much though (walks outside) Zach: (shuts the door and follows Seth) Seth...do you realise what he's saying Seth: yes he's offering to kll my relationship with Summer Zach: he's offering us a second chance Seth: (thinks) I promised Zach: t-technically your not doing anything wrong, you said you only floated the comic - book by her (Seth listens) not a graphic novel! Seth: (sighs, closes his eyes) they have nicer paper (Zach smiles) so technically (Zach looks at Carter excited, Seth looks as though he's caved) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - we see the outside of the house, then we see Marissa in the basement looking through different bits and pieces. Summer comes down to help her Summer: (off screen, yells) Coop! Marissa: (off screen, yells) I'm in the basement Summer: hm well no trture chamber down here, lost that bet...so what're we looking for anyway (screws up her face) Marissa: uh it's for the auction (lifts cloth) I- (frowns) I need money for Treys security deposit (brushes her hands together) Summer: hm, interesting stuff huh Marissa: mm-hmm (Summer lifts up a cloth revealing a gorgeous antique tea set on a platter) Summer: hm is that pure silver (Marissa looks over) (picks up a piece) hey, yeah see that mark right there (frowns) that leopards head with the W E (Marissa looks at her) wow it means made in London by William Eaton (thinks) circa eighteen seventy six I think (looks at Marissa, puts it back down) could be worth a couple grand Marissa: (looks at Summer) all that Antique Roadshow really paid off (smiles) Summer: (smiles) hm CUT TO: Cohen house - Trey and Ryan are both dressed up in suits getting ready for the auction. Trey is standing in front of a mirror trying to tie his tie, in the reflection we can see Ryan behind him and he notices Trey having trouble {this scene is very similar to the one in the Pilot when Ryan has trouble with his tie and says he wants to go open collar, Sandy doesn't take no for an answer and fixes it for him!} Ryan: (turns around) hey (moves closer to Trey) come here (moves in front of Trey) c'mere (Trey puts his hand up defensively) hey, I've become quite the expert, seems like I put one on every week Trey: (puts his hand up) its ok man I don't need your help Ryan: yeah ya do (looks at Trey) (Trey lets go, reluctantly) (smiles) your gonna hang yourself with this thing (Trey sighs) there lets see, alright (ties the tie) you know these formal things they...seem like there gonna be pretty boring but uh...usually somethin crazy happens (smiles) keeps it exciting Trey: oh yeah Ryan: yeah, alright, there you go (Sandy comes in) Sandy: (smiles) I am impressed (Trey pulls his collar down over the tie, Sandy looks at Ryan then Trey. Ryan watches Trey. Sandy tugs on Treys tie a little, straightening it out) Sandy: nice (smiles) (looks at Ryan then Trey, then puts his hands on each of their shoulders) ready ta rip off some Newpsie's CUT TO: The country club - we see it in an aerial view. then we see inside the ballroom. there are people sitting at the tables and wandering around Joan: Kirsten Kirsten: (smiles) hello Joan Joan: we never see you anymore Kirsten: I know I've ben really busy with work (smiles) thankyou (Joan walks away. Marissa and Summer come in, Marissa is carrying the tea set from earlier and they are both dressed up) Marissa: (smiles) hey Kirsten: (sees the tea set) Marissa where'd you get that Marissa: (looks down) oh uh I found this in the basement with all of this other old junk my moms getting rid of, I better get in there (smiles) Summer: (smiles) you look beautiful Kirsten: oh thankyou (Kirsten watches them walk away, she seems to recognise the tea set - we now see Seth and Zach standing together, near all the stuff to be auctioned) Seth: look when you think about it, our own graphic novel (Summer comes up behind them, but they don't realise) that's like ten times cooler then the comic book ever was Summer: hm, you guys bringing back the comic book (Seth and Zach turn around to face Summer) at the same time: Seth: no, absolutely not Zach: goodness gracious no (Summer looks at them) Seth: it's a graphic novel, its totally different (holds a shield in front of himself for protection {lol}) Summer: oh oh ok (nods) so there's no Kid Chino or no Cosmo Girl, no the two of you working together ruining our friendships (Seth and Zach look at each other and frown) Zach: I guess it isn't that different Seth: (looks at Summer) look I promise it won't be like before Zach: an we, already kinda said yes Seth: yeah but jus to a meeting Summer: (picks up a sword) oook (points the sword at them both) any trouble (grins) hm, no more graphic novel, no more comics, no more me (holds out her pinky) pinky swear Seth: (lowers the shield) ok (Zach and Seth touch their pinkys with Summer's, Summer looks at them and raises her eyebrows - we then see Marissa walk over to where Ryan is, she's got the tea set still) Marissa: hey, last minute addition (holds up the tea set) Ryan: oh yeah (sighs) thanks ill jus take it in the back an tag it (looks at Marissa) um... thanks again for helpin out my brother (Marissa looks at him) I...I appreciate it, seems like things are goin pretty good, right Marissa: yeah um, well I'm gonna go see if they need help inside, ill see ya in there (walks away) (Ryan goes out the back to put the tea set with the rest of the items. we see a statue looking thing that has Seth's photo with it {as in the one he took, not one of him,lol} and the number 216 on a tag. Ryan puts the tea set down next to this item then looks around the room, he stops and looks down. the camera moves to show us what he's looking at. it is a photo and a tag but no item to go with them. Ryan picks up the photo and looks at it. it's of the crystal egg from earlier. Ryan looks away and over at other items that have photos with them. he looks down again to where there is just a tag sitting in place of where the egg was. he looks down at the photo again then looks as though he's thinking) Ryan: Trey (looks away) CUT TO: Outside the country club - Ryan walks up to Marissa who is talking to some girls Marissa: (to Ryan) hey (to the girls) ill see you in a bit (to Ryan) what's up Ryan: (holds up the photo) there's this glass egg from Risky Business (Marissa looks at the photo) it's probably the most valuable thing here an now it's gone Marissa: (looks at Ryan, realises) Trey didn't... Ryan: yeah, yeah I think he did (Marissa looks away) why would Trey steal anything though I mean (smiles) everything's goin great, right Marissa: (closes her eyes, shakes her head) no (Ryan looks at her) no he lied, he didn't clear the background check on the apartment Ryan: (looks down, then at Marissa) why didn't you tell me Trey: cause I told her not to (Ryan and Marissa look over at Trey standing near the door. Trey begins to walk closer to them, and Ryan moves closer to him) Ryan: (softly) so you stole it Trey: I didn't steal it (Marissa looks at him) Ryan: don't lie to me Trey (puts his hands on his hips) Trey: ...what'does it matter (Ryan looks at him) these people think this stuff is junk Ryan: how could you do this man, after everything the Cohen's have done for ya (Trey looks at him) everything Marissa's done for ya (Trey looks away) (softly) cant you think'a anyone but yourself for five minutes Trey: I wasn't thinkin about myself I was thinkin about you, that's why I wanted to get the money so I could jus get outta everybody's way Ryan: well now your gonna be, cause your goin back'ta jail (goes to walk away) Trey: (puts his arm out) wait, stop (Ryan looks at him) I could still get it back (Ryan looks at him) (sighs) I've got the money (holds the money out) (Ryan looks at the money, then at Trey. he doesn't take it) Trey: man, please Ryan: (takes the money) you've done enough (raises eyebrows) ill go CUT TO: The ballroom - Sandy is up on stage with the microphone. everyone is sitting at tables in front of him Sandy: (into mic) good afternoon Newport beach (Kirsten and Carter are sitting together, talking) an welcome to the OC pseudo charity non yard sale (smiles) (everyone laughs) yes exactly you get it, I'm Sandy Cohen ill be your host and your auctioneer for this grand event brought to you by Newport Living, an the fabulous team of Carter Buckley (Carter smiles and holds his hand up) an the lovely and alluring Kirsten Cohen (Kirsten smiles) lets give it up for them (more clapping) (in the background Trey, Marissa and Ryan come back inside) Marissa: (to Ryan) what're you gonna do Ryan: I'm gonna go find the egg before anyone notices it's gone Marissa: w- (we see Ryan walk by Kirsten and Carters table. Sandy notices Ryan leaving, as does Seth) Sandy: (into mic) alright Seth: hey (nods) what's goin- (Ryan keeps walking) Sandy: last year we raised over one hundred thousand dollars (everyone claps) (Seth frowns and goes after Ryan) Sandy: (into mic) but only fifty thousand dollars went to charity (everyone laughs) (in the background Marissa goes over to Summer's table) Marissa: (bends down near Summer's ear) (smiles) (to the girls)uh hey (to Summer, softly) uh psst Summer, c'mon Summer: what (frowns) Marissa: just- (walks towards the stage) Summer: what about the auction (gets up) Marissa: yeah Summer: what Marissa: exactly come on (grabs Summer's hand) Sandy: (into mic) without further ado let's get the auction started Summer: what are we doing (Zach is waiting by the stage holding an ottoman. Trey is behind him holding a chair) Marissa: (to Zach) hey (smiles) (whispers to Summer) uh we're stalling until Ryan gets back with the egg Summer: (whispers) what egg (Marissa smiles at the crowd) (they walk passed the guys and onto the stage with Sandy) Sandy: (into mic) our first item (looks at the girls) hey Marissa: hi (Summer smiles) Sandy: can I help ya Marissa: oh well, we're your assistants (Kirsten watches) every honorary chair gets assistants to (looks at Summer) assist (Marissa and Summer smile at Sandy) Sandy: (into mic) oh, let's welcome our lovely assistants (points) ladies an gentleman (everyone claps. Summer nervously laughs. Kirsten looks at Taryn, lost. Marissa and Summer smile and wave at the crowd. Sandy claps and looks at the girls, he looks confused but is playing along anyway, lol. Zach also looks confused. Trey claps) CUT TO: Outside - Ryan is walking towards the car, Seth is behind him Seth: hey, where're you goin Ryan: (looks at Seth) uhhhh ill tell you later Seth: tell me now (whiney) Marissa gets to be part of the plan Ryan: there's no plan I just gotta do somethin Seth: ok well your gonna need a wing man, an Marissa an my dad are busy...come on, I never get to go Ryan: (looks at Seth) yeah, there's a reason Seth: yeah but if I go with you no ones gonna suspect anything (Ryan stops) cause we all know that if you were doin anything dangerous (shakes his head) I wouldn't get to go, I'm the perfect cover Ryan: (considers) no more comments about me an Marissa Seth: you an who (Ryan throws the car keys at Seth and they ht his chest and fall to the ground. Seth looks down at them then up at Ryan) Seth: I didn't know you were gonna throw it (picks up the keys) Ryan: (looks at Seth) if your gonna be w- Seth: ill catch it next time I jus need a little bit of a heads up (goes to the car) I jus need a heads up that's all Ryan: jus (puts his arms out) if your gonna be wingman your gonna have'ta catch the keys Seth: (opens the door) ill catch the keys next time CUT TO: The auction - Marissa and Summer are standing either side of Zach. Zach puts a statue down on the table in front of them. Sandy is still on the mic Sandy: (into mic) ok folks here's a beautiful airtay esque statue, yes indeed very fetching (Marissa touches the statue) what'do we start the bidding at (reads) seventy five dollars, I guess its very esque, more esque then airtay CUT TO: The range rover driving away from the country club CUT TO: The auction - Sandy bangs the gavel down Sandy: (into mic) sold to the lovely young lady (everyone claps) (Trey takes a ship away. Marissa and Summer smile at each other. Zach brings out a rams head and places it on the table. Summer screws up her face, Marissa jumps back) Sandy: (into mic) the rams head is going for three hundred dollars, do we hear three hundred dollars (a man raises his hand) three hundred dollars over here (Marissa holds the head up with her finger tips trying to make it look appealing to buyers) four hundred dollars over here, five hundred an fifty dollars over here (points) going once, going twice (bangs the gave) sold (everyone claps) for five hundred an fifty dollars (Trey takes the rams head away) imagine what the whole beast would'a cost ya CUT TO: An aerial sh*t of cars on like a free way. then we see the range rover driving past on the road CUT TO: The auction - {this is almost all without sound so ill just describe what you see} Zach puts down a world globe. Marissa and Summer look at each other then smile at the crowd. an old guy puts his hand up to bid. Sandy points at him and says something. Marissa smiles at the crowd then she and Summer put their hands on an indian looking statue. Sandy points towards the crowd and says something. a man in the crowd puts his hand up, then a woman puts her hand up. Sandy points and says something. Summer holds a dress on a coat hanger up against her, showing it off and Marissa helps make it look appealing. a woman puts her hand up. Summer turns over an over sized egg timer and puts it on the table. she and Marissa both point at it and smile at the crowd. everyone claps. Zach puts the tea set from earlier down on the table, Marissa and Summer each hold a side of the platter and hold it up in the air Sandy: (into mic) do I hear two thousand dollars for the tea set (Kirsten watches) two thousand dollars (points) do I hear twenty five hundred, twenty five hundred dollars (a woman raises her hand) wow ok three thousand dollars (another woman raises her hand) three thousand dollars (Kirsten and Carter turn around to see who it was) three thousand dollars (Kirsten looks at Sandy) thirty five hundred dol- (a woman raises her hand) thirty five hundred dollars, do I hear four thousand dollars, come on folks reach inta those deep pockets Kirsten: (raises her hand) five thousand Sandy: (shocked, points) five- five thousand dollars Kirsten: (raises her hand) five thousand (Carter looks at Kirsten. Summer and Marissa look at Kirsten, suprised) Sandy: (into mic) do I hear fifty five hundred dollars, fifty five hundred dollars, anyone, fifty five hundred dollars, alright, going once, going twice sold (bangs the gavel, Kirsten smiles, everyone claps) for five thousand dollars (Carter claps and looks at Kirsten) to my lovely bride who apparently (Marissa frowns) is just crazy for tea (Trey takes the tea set away. Marissa looks as though she's thinking) CUT TO: The range rover - Ryan and Seth pull up out the front of a house Ryan: alright this is it, must be in the back, you stay here (goes to get out) Seth: what're you gonna do Ryan: (frowns, shuts the car door) I don't know Seth: ok I got a plan, the kinda plan that made me all camp capture the flag camp Takaho an it is extremely stealth Ryan: ah-huh CUT TO: The auction Sandy: (into mic) this next one is a very exciting one, folks...who here...is a Tom Cruise fan Marissa: (to Summer) (whispers) oh, do something ' Summer: (frowns) what, why Marissa: this is what Trey stole, Ryan went to go get it back Summer: (whispers) what'dyou want me to do about it Sandy: (into mic) ladies (Marissa and Summer look over) if you could, please bring straight outta nineteen eighty three (Marissa looks at Summer) Summer: my shoes! (takes her shoe off her foot and holds it up) yeaaah Marissa: yeah (smiles) Summer: which are vintage Sandy: (looks at the girls) your shoes (Marissa quickly goes off the stage to see Trey and Zach) Summer: (off screen) how bout we auction these off Marissa: (whispers) what are you doing Zach: everything's ben auctioned off Summer: (off screen) uh do we hear thirty dollars Trey: other then uh...you know Marissa: (looks at Trey) yeah I do know an it's up next so you better think of something else ta auction or Summer's gonna be selling herself (Summer holds her shoe up to show the crowd and smiles) Sandy: (into mic) thirty dollars, thirty dollars anyone Old Guy: (yells) sixty (Summer screws up her face) (waves his hand) Sandy: (suprised) sixty dollars Summer: (screws up her face) eww foot fetish much Sandy: sold (bangs gavel) CUT TO: Ryan and Seth at the house - Ryan touches Seth on the back and walks away from him towards the backyard. Seth walks towards the front door. Seth waits at the door and a guy opens it Seth: (english accent) hello pleased to meet you Guy: who the hell are you Seth: well I'm Pippins McGee an I'm from the film preservation society (inside, another guy is lying on the couch. we see Ryan at the back sliding door looking in) Seth: now what we are doing is we're putting on a Tom Cruise retrospective now I understand...that you're in possession...of the crystal egg from Risky Business (the guy(1) at the door looks at the guy(2) on the couch. the guy on the couch gets up) Seth: hi how are you, now what we're doing is we're collecting (guy 1 folds his arms) uh Mr. Cruises props from his most memorable films an putting em on display (Ryan slowly goes inside while the 2 guys are at the door with	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "02x18 - The Risky Business"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Cohen house in the morning - we see an outside sht of the house and range rover, then we see Sandy in the living room. Trey comes off the stairs with his bag packed, Sandy sees him standing in the hallway Sandy: (swallows coffee) morning (turns off TV) Trey: mornin Mr. Cohen (waves) (Sandy and Trey both head into the kitchen, at opposite ends) Sandy: so today's the big day huh...movin inta your new apartment (points) you got all your stuff Trey: (puts bag on bench) yeah it's not much ta get Sandy: you sure you don't need anything Trey: no thanks, you guys have already done more 'en enough Sandy: well your Ryan's brother, we're happy ta help Trey: still its-its (shakes his head) not many people (raises eyebrows) who'd take in an ex-con (Sandy looks at him) he's lucky ta have you Sandy: well your part'a this family now so if anything comes up (shakes Treys hand) we're here Trey: (small smile) thanks Sandy: grab yourself some breakfast, ill uh...ill drop you by your place on my way ta work Trey: I'm not really hungry but I will take you up on the ride Sandy: (looks at Trey) did'you tell Ryan you're leavin Trey: no but, its ok Sandy: (looks down) yeah, I don't know what happened with you guys, in fact I don't wanna know (Trey listens) an it doesn't matter who was wrong, but someone's gonna have'ta be the first ta reach out (Ryan comes in. Trey looks over) Sandy: there he is (Ryan looks at Sandy, and avoids eye contact with Trey) I tell ya the timing in this household is a thing'a beauty, I'm gonna leave you two ta say your goodbyes (looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at him) (to Trey) Trey ill be in the car (Sandy leaves and Trey raises his eyebrows and looks over at Ryan. Ryan looks at Trey, emotionless) Trey: (points) Sandy is givin me a lift over ta the apartment Ryan: you got everything Trey: (nods) you know its weird, bein able ta fit your whole life inta one bag (Ryan just blinks) (moves closer to Ryan) look, Ryan...I know it hasn't ben easy man but I want you ta know that I appreciate everything you an the Cohen's have done for me Ryan: funny way'a showin it Trey: (softly, sincerely) look I'm sorry Ryan, ok, I screwed up (Ryan looks at him) an you an Seth an Marissa, you guys saved my ass I know that, will you please just accept my apology (holds his hand out, hopeful) (Ryan puts his head down and Trey looks at him) Ryan: don't keep Sandy waiting (walks away) (Ryan walks over to the cupboard and Trey puts his hand down, disappointed. Trey walks over to the bench and looks at the back of Ryan, he picks up his jacket and bag then leaves the kitchen) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Harbor school - we see the outside of the school, kids walking around etc then we see Marissa walking down the hall, she goes over to Ryan and Seth. Ryan opens his locker Marissa: hey guys (smiles) Ryan: hey Seth: (waves) hey Marissa: what's up (touches Seth's arm) ...so uh Ryan doesn't Trey move inta the apartment today Ryan: (looks, then looks at his locker) uhhh yeah he left this morning (looks at Marissa, then looks down at his books) Marissa: well don't you think maybe (raises eyebrows) we should go by there, give him a housewarming gift Ryan: that's alright he doe'nt need anything Seth: you sure (Ryan looks at him) he doesn't exactly seem over burdened with possessions, unless that bag'a his is like Mary Poppins (Ryan looks at him) (shakes his head, closes his eyes) I wish I had never made that reference Ryan: look uh, he's got his own place he's out of our lives jus (looks at them both) let him go (Marissa looks at Seth out of the corner of her eye) Seth: you know you think maybe its time ta (Ryan looks up, but his back is facing Seth) forgive him for the whole yard sale thing Ryan: (shuts his locker) it wasn't a thing Seth he stole Marissa: only because he wanted ta be near you Ryan: (turns around) I appreciate what you guys are doin (looks at Seth, then Marissa)...but he's my brother...jus leave him alone (walks off) (Seth and Marissa watch Ryan walk away, they both look worried) CUT TO: Kirsten's office - Kirsten is sitting at her desk and Carter comes in holding their first issue of Newport Living. off screen we hear a knock Kirsten: (off screen) come in, good morning Carter: (walks in, smiles) Kirsten congratulations, as of this morning you are a bona'fied magazine publisher Kirsten: I know (smiles) the first issues on the stands Carter: I was referring to our very first libel suit Kirsten: (shocked) what Carter: Nick Morton, Newport Beach politico...doesn't like the profile we ran, thinks it makes him look sleazy Kirsten: you wrote that profile Carter: I know, I made him look sleazy (almost proud) Kirsten: well what're we supposed'ta do Carter: I thought id talk ta Sandy Kirsten: (looks at Carter) ...yeah you guys are friends now so great (Carter nods) Julies on her way - over (smiles) I have to explain ta her why she's not on the cover anymore (nods) Carter: hey she's ben ta Europe you know maybe she's become this...un-materialistic...humble (Kirsten laughs silently) sweet person Kirsten: (trying not to laugh) Carter we're talking about Julie (Julie walks in) Julie: (cheery) what about her Kirsten: (suprised) Julie (Carter hides the magazine behind his back) your (Julie smiles) we were jus saying how glad we are your back Julie: oh, well thankyou Kirsten (smiles) Carter Carter: Julie (smiles) Kirsten: so, how was Italy Julie: well Cal is still in Rome, some business thingy but scandal or no scandal I had ta be back for our first issue (smiles) Kirsten: (smile goes) Julie...there is something that I need ta tell you (Julie listens) uh (stands) after the whole... Julie: prn debacle, you can say it Kirsten: there were letters (Julie looks shocked) lots of letters, an then the advertisers s-started thrat ta cancel (frowns) so we had ta take you off the cover, I'm sorry (Julie looks at Kirsten, shocked) (Kirsten looks at Julie, sadly. Carter looks at Kirsten) Julie: (looks at Kirsten) you did the right thing Kirsten: (suprised) I did Julie: absolutely don't give it another thought...god it's really good ta see you (looks at Carter) both of you (looks at Kirsten) I really missed you (Julie smiles at them both, and leaves. Carter looks at Julie, thrown. Kirsten looks at Carter frowning) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Zach are in the student lounge together, over at the bit where they get coffee Zach: (off screen) I'm jus saying Seth: (to the worker) thanks Zach: maybe I should do the talking this time Seth: Zach, do not worry ok, I promise you this wont be another wild storm, look I am calm, I am well rested (Zach sit on the couch) plus Reeds already read the pages an (sits) he freakin loves em, he's drivin all the way from LA jus ta meet us Zach: mm (looks at Seth, frowns) so what'do we know about this guy, what's he like Seth: I jus know that he's Carters assistant before goin'a work at bad science, we've only emailed Zach: (smiles in disbelief) dude I still can't believe we're gonna have our own graphic novel Seth (sits forward) I know I- (sees Summer walk in) I jus can't believe its two thousand five weren't we spose'ta have personal jet packs by now, who dropped the ball Zach: (lost) what're you talkin about Seth: (to Summer) hey Zach: (realises) oh hey, Summer (Zach and Seth make room for Summer to sit in the middle) Zach: we were just uh Summer: uh-hmm Zach: we were Summer: talking about your comic, don't lie ok (looks at Zach) Seth: (corrects) graphic novel (puts his finger up) (Summer looks at him) (mumbles) whatever...jus...a little different (Summer looks forward, and the three of them sit their quietly for a few seconds) Zach: (nods) right, well (stands) I'm gonna head ta class and uh have a good one (walks off) (Summer turns to the side and faces Seth, Seth turns to face Summer) Seth: I'm sorry ok (puts his hand on her shoulder) I know I promised it wouldn't be weird but I'm telling you this, from here on out, full disclosure ok ill tell ya (Summer closes her eyes and shakes her head) everything Zach an I do, an ill- I'm gonna let you know the ins an outs of whatever Summer: no Seth: an (suprised) what Summer: (looks at Seth) look I think that you an Zach working together is a bad idea, but (shrugs) I can't stop it Seth: Summer, come on Summer: no so here's the deal, whatever happens (closes her eyes) I don't wanna know anything about it, which means that as far as I'm concerned your little comic doesn't exist (raises eyebrows, smiles condescendingly then walks away) Seth: (corrects) graphic novel (looks down) CUT TO: Sandy's office - Sandy is sitting on the floor finishing of makingf a surfboard coffee table. Carter walks in Carter: a surfboard coffee table (Sandy looks over) I am in the OC Sandy: (laughs) Carter its good ta see ya (turns the coffee table over) yea, a little carpentry project while I'm between cases (stands) Carter: well I came at the right time (holds his hand out, they shake hands) you ever do any libel work Sandy: wow, one day on the stands you already got a libel suit, not bad (smiles) not bad, who is it Carter: Nick Morton Sandy: ah that sleaze bag Carter: mm, well he doesn't like ta be called one in print Sandy: oh id be happy ta help out, libel cases are notoriously hard ta prove, I'm assuming all your quotes are verbatim Carter: yeah, word for word, ill give you the interview tapes Sandy: great, should be a breeze Carter: (looking at the coffee table) you know I use'ta surf (Sandy looks at him) grew up in Long Island, Montauk point west end Sandy: I'm headin out tomorrow why don't you come with me Carter: oh I don't know I- its ben such a long time, I don't have a board Sandy: (shrugs) ill lend you one Carter: an if Kirsten asks why I'm not at work Sandy: you can tell her we'll be talking about the case (Sandy smiles, Carter smiles. he looks keen!) CUT TO: Treys apartment - we hear a knock and then see Trey open the door Marissa: (smiles) hey Trey: (suprised) Marissa Marissa: I brought you a little something (holds up a bag, Trey takes it) I figured this place could use some sprucing Trey: (looks in the bag) wow, that's a lava lamp Marissa: (nods) mm-hmm (smiles) Trey: that's uh that's great Marissa: Ryan wanted ta come but he had this thing after school Trey: ah-huh (looks down) (Marissa looks at Trey) Trey: (realises) uh, come in (points) (Marissa walks in. all we see is a yellow bean bag in an otherwise empty room) Trey: I still haven't bought chairs an tables an stuff but Marissa: nice bean bag (smiles) Trey: (laughs) yeah its kind of a stupid first thing ta buy, I've always wanted one (Marissa smiles) its kind of a...early birthday present ta my self Marissa: (interested) when's your birthday Trey: Saturday (nods) uh big two one, though after being in prison y'know being able ta buy beer feels a little anti-climactic (Marissa and Trey laugh. Trey looks away, then back at Marissa) Trey: uh d'you want somethin ta drink, I've got one glass (puts up a finger) but I can wash it Marissa: (smiles) no no that's ok um I should get going, but ill see you later Trey: sure Marissa: ok (heads to the door) Trey: thanks again (Marissa leaves and Trey leans on the door watching her) CUT TO: A restaurant - Seth and Zach are there for their meeting with Reed, the graphic novel guy Seth: he said he'd have all our stuff with him (looks around) Zach: (looks) um...Seth (we see what Zach is looking at. which is a girl at a table by herself, with their stuff spread out on the table) Seth: (looks) oh my god (turns away) ugh (Zach smiles) he's a she that's terrible, listen, Zach I love girls an I love comics, the two do not mix ok, its gonna be like, lets make their outfits cuter Zach: hey we're here lets jus give her the benefit of the doubt Seth: no Zaaaaaach (they walk over to the table. Zach smiles) Reed: you must be my two wonderkins (stands, and holds her hand out) Reed Carlson, bad science comics Zach: it's a pleasure to meet you (points to himself) I'm Zach (points) this is Seth Reed: I can't tell you how much I've ben looking forward ta this meeting Seth: (sits) oh that's great, lets jus get right ta the project Reed: oooo kay, I think that you have tapped inta something real (Seth listens) an compelling, I think the characters are vivid (Zach smiles, then looks at Seth) an engaging, especially The Ironist Seth: really Reed: yeah he's smart funny hip, he is unlike anyone else in comics Seth: (looks at Zach then back at Reed) wow well can I uh first just say how great it is ta finally see a woman involved in comics (Zach frowns) Reed: thankyou Seth: we were actually thinking of expanding The Ironists role a little bit uh- Reed: I have ta ask who came up with this business plan Zach: uh...I did (smiles) Reed: its amazing (smiles) Zach: really (huge smile) Reed: (Seth looks jealous) I mean I was a marketing minor in college (Zach looks at Seth) (Reed looks through the plan) but the fact that you put this together an your seventeen I-I'm in awe (Zach smiles, Seth looks at him) your like a Doogie Howser meets Gordon Gecko but with dimples Zach: well I'm...glad you liked it (phone rings. Seth looks unhappy about losing the attention) Reed: (picks up phone) uh that's my boss, just a sec (stands) (Seth doesn't look happy. Zach still has a huge smile) Reed: oh hey genius boy (Zach and Seth both turn around) (points) Zach right (Zach nods and Seth turns back around) could you order me an ice tea (Reed walks away. Seth rubs his neck) Zach: (excited) god how great is it, she liked my business plan Seth: (unenthusiastic) yeah it's really- very its very cool CUT TO: Cohen house - we hear the door bell, and then we see Ryan open the door. Marissa is standing there Ryan: (suprised) hey (frowns) what's up Marissa: can I come in Ryan: yeah (they are now walking into the kitchen together) Ryan: so what's goin on, you hungry, want somethin'a drink (goes to the fridge) Marissa: I'm fine Ryan: yeah Marissa: (hesitant) iiii jus came by ta ask you something Ryan: oh, ok, sure Marissa: ok uh (looks at Ryan) don't get mad... (hopeful) but I was thinking it might be nice (Ryan listens) ta throw Trey a birthday party Ryan: what Marissa: we could do it at my house (shrugs) by the pool (Ryan looks confused) you forgot Saturdays his birthday Ryan: no I- (looks at Marissa) ...yeah (nods) yeah I did (Marissa looks at him) (scoffs) you went over ta see him didn't you Marissa: Ryan- Ryan: after I asked you not to Marissa: I brought him a lava lamp (laughs) it was no big deal Ryan: (looks at Marissa) why are you doin all this...goin over ta see him, wantin ta throw him a birthday party Marissa: he's your brother Ryan: (upset) exactly...he's my brother (Marissa looks down) an if everyone had just let me handle it from the beginning then none'a this would'a happened...so I'm asking you again stop - pushing it Marissa: I'm sorry I thought- (Ryan glares at her) sorry (walks away upset) (Ryan looks as though he feels bad, then puts his head down) CUT TO: The pool house the next morning - Ryan is asleep on his side and Seth is holding a cup of coffee near his nose Seth: (waves the coffee, softly) Ryan, waaakkkee uuuuppp (Ryan sniffs) Ryyyyaaann (Ryan's eyes open and he leans up a little) Ryan wake up (Ryan goes to touch the cup) nooo get your own (sits near the bed) (Ryan groans) wake up man its a beautiful day, the suns shinin the birds are y'know, did I happen ta mention t'you last night about meeting Reed Ryan: beautiful, loves comics, promises to make you famous, yes Seth: so here's the thing, I'm a little bit worried about Zach (drinks) Ryan: Zach (nods skeptically) Seth: yeah (frowns) you shoulda seen him at the meeting, it was like Reed this Reeeed that, it was kind'a disgusting Ryan: (closes his eyes, with his head back on the pillow) an your sure it's Zach who has the crush (sighs) Seth: I love Summer, ok, Reed is a colleague, I jus don't want her ta like Zach more then me Ryan: hm Seth: hey you know this is actually our first conversation in the pool house since Marissa left Ryan: let's not talk about Marissa (gets out of bed) Seth: what, come on we did me let's go around the horn Ryan: we got in a fight yesterday cause she wanted ta throw a birthday party for Trey (puts his hands out, puts on his thongs) Seth: (thinks) its Treys birthday Ryan: Seth Seth: no hang on I'm jus thinking...how you know sometimes it takes an event (raises eyebrows) like a birthday or a wake (looks at Ryan) ta bring a family together (Ryan leaves the pool house) think about this, Trey, he's blowin out his candles on his birthday (Ryan is out of the sht now) his only wish is that his brother forgives him...its a pretty nice moment (nods) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Marissa is getting ready for school, and Julie walks by about to make a phone call, she stops when she sees Marissa Julie: (pokes her head in) good morning (smiles) Marissa: (looks up) hey (small smile) Julie: (walks in) (sighs) oh it feels so good ta be home...oh an how much do I wish you could've come ta visit in Italy it was (thinks) it was magical Marissa: yeah if it was so great then why'd you come home early, everything ok with Caleb Julie: of course, I told you I-I ...needed ta come home for the magazine an (looks at Marissa) I missed you (Marissa rolls her eyes and has a slight smile. phone rings) Julie: oh (puts up a finger then answers with her back to Marissa who continues getting ready for school) yeah...d'you have an address...(scoffs) oh I should've known (hangs up) honey I have'ta go but lets have dinner tonight (puts her head on the side) jus the two of us ok (smiles) (Julie leaves and Marissa nods slightly, but she looks suspicious regarding the phone call she just over heard - the next thing we see is Julie in what looks like a bedroom. she puts a small key into a lock on a red velvet box, she turns the key twice and the lid lifts a little. she lets go of the key and slowly opens the lid all the way. inside the box is a fancy silver gn with a white handle. she picks up the gn and looks at it in her hand) CUT TO: The beach - Sandy and carter are in the parking lot of the beach. Sandy is holding a board near the car, and Carter is sitting on the bumper. the back is opened Sandy: (off screen) ah you're just out of practice (on screen) everybody hits themselves in the face with the board (puts board in the car) Carter: three times in one wave (rubs his foot) Sandy: well, that was impressive (smiles) Carter: (laughs) still, surfing the OC it's a world away from Long Island (Erin walks over to them. a gorgeous woman with a surfboard under her arm) Erin: hey Sandy (smiles) Sandy: Erin (Carter stands) how you doin, are you goin out Erin: yeah, I don't have'ta make rounds for a couple hours so I figured id get in the water (glances at Carter) Carter: hi (smiles) Sandy: Erin, Carter Buckley (Erin and Carter shake hands) he's running Newport Living, magazine my wife's company publishes Erin: oh yeah that came ta the office yesterday, I read the profile on uh (thinks) Nick Morton, way ta skewer him Sandy: (points) Carter wrote that Carter: an now we're being sued (Erin looks at him, almost impressed) Sandy: Erin's an orthopedist in town an an excellent surfer, Carters jus gettin back into it (puts the other surfboard in the car) Carter: yeah today I uh mastered hitting myself in the face (nods) Erin: (laughs) well any time Sandy's busy an you need a surf buddy, give me a call Carter: yeah thankyou, I m- I might do that Erin: (smiles) alright see you guys (Carter watches Erin walk away) Carter: yes a world away from Long Island (shakes his head) ill tell ya (Sandy nods, smiling. and it looks as though he's thinking about something) CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa and Summer are in the student lounge together Summer: and he got mad because you wanted ta throw a party for his brother Marissa: uh its not jus the party, its ben building (sighs) I mean Trey coming here's ben really hard for him (sits on the couch) Summer: (sits) well you tried, if he doesn't want a relationship with his brother (shrugs) that's his problem Marissa: (thinks) id jus hate for him ta realise like two years from now how important his brother is an then find out he's lost him (looks down) Summer: (laughs) oh my god, you are the most supportive non-girlfriend (raises eyebrows) in history Marissa: (looks at Summer) come on you know if something important was happening in Seth's life you'd be there for him Summer: (thinks) right, of course (the camera pans across and Summer goes out of focus. in the background Seth and Zach come into focus, as they enter) Seth: an then when she started talkin, about how Iron mans armor - his old armor - is actually better then his ultimate armor I- Zach: dude, what about when she threw down on the whole cyclops versus storm debate Seth: I never thought talking about comic books could be so (closes his eyes) sexy Zach: a beautiful girl...who loves comics I-I didn't even know they existed Seth: its like finding the unicorn Zach, it's like finding a really hot unicorn Zach: you know it's just to bad you have a girlfriend now otherwise... Seth: (looks at Zach) see I was thinking (points) you could ask her out but now your workin together so there's that whole ss, professional ethics thing Zach: (frowns) yeah you know I was wondering, how did Summer take the fact that Reeds a woman, she's not bothered by out late nights work Seth: eh turns out Summer doesn't wanna know anything about the entire enterprise, so I couldn't tell her even (raises eyebrows) if I wanted to Zach: ah-huh Seth: yeah (Summer walks up) Summer: (smiles) hey guys Seth: hey Zach: hey Summer: hi, what's goin on Seth: (looks at Zach) nothin Zach: actually, we were jus talking about Reed (grins) (Seth gives him evil eyes) Summer: who's Reed Zach: (looks at Seth) Seth'll tell you, see ya later (Seth doesn't look impressed) Summer: (laughs, hits Seth on the arm) who's Reed Seth: uh you don't wanna know, it's a comic book rep (kisses Summers cheek, then hugs her) Summer: (feels bad) no, I do Seth: (looks at Summer) you do Summer: yeah (frowns) look I've changed my mind, I know this comic book is important ta you so it's important ta me (shrugs) I wanna know everything Seth: (dazed) everything Summer: yeah CUT TO: Lance's room - Lance opens the door and Julie is standing there, she has a serious look on her face Lance: (suprised) Jules, how the hell did'you find me Julie: well it was easy Lance, I jus looked for the cheapest, scummiest motel near a liquor store an wha-la, may I come in (doesn't wait for an answer) Lance: well I guess so (shuts the door) listen Jules (sighs) I don't know what your thinkin w- (Lance turns around to face Julie and she pulls the gn on him. he looks at the gn, stunned) Lance: what the hell is that Julie: it's a gn genius, you use it ta sht people you wanna kll Lance: alright Jules...here's what happened- Julie: what happened...what happened is that you humiliated me in front of my friends an family (Lance looks almost scared) I've ben kicked out of every organisation an club I belong to, my own magazine has taken me off the cover and at home I have a teenage daughter who sooner or later will find out that her mother was a prn Lance: (breathes in) lets jus be reasonable here Jules Julie: (tears in her eyes) I am being reasonable...in one night...you destroyed a life I spent almost twenty years building...so I'm here ta kll you Lance: (panics, yells) jus wait (Julie pulls the trigger...the gn was not loaded so it just clicks. Lance looks at the gn, breathing heavily. a mixture of relief, and shock) Lance: (softly) there's no bllts Julie: (looks at the gn) no...unfortunately (looks at Lance) but for just a second...I wanted you ta feel like your life was being taken away (Julie looks Lance in the eyes before walking passed. Lance looks as though he understands how he made Julie feel now. and he almost feels bad!) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is on his bed studying and Seth walks in Seth: hey, headed out ta pick up some Thai d'you wanna come Ryan: (doesn't look up) can't - studying history Seth: well (walks in) you know what's on the way ta the Thai place (claps) the apartment of a certain (flops on the bed next to Ryan) ex-con I know Ryan: that's quite a sell Seth: so your jus not gonna see him anymore Ryan: people who don't learn from the past are doomed ta repeat it, well, I've learned Seth: yeah you've learned but y'know your great victory's gonna be what (looks at Ryan) not seein your brother anymore (Ryan doesn't say anything) congratulations...look I'm not even talkin about like havin him move in or helpin him find a job or anything (Ryan looks at him) I mean I literally mean happy - birthday...four syllables (mouths it to make sure it is four, lol then nods satisfied) (Ryan looks at Seth then looks back at his work, he's considering) Ryan: (caves) four syllables, that's it (points) Seth: yeah (Ryan gets up off the bed and puts his hand out to help Seth up) Seth: (sits up) or six (takes Ryan's hand) Ryan: oooh (pulls Seth up) Seth: hey Trey - happy birthday (they head towards the door) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Kirsten is sitting on the edge of the bed and she takes her shoes off. Sandy walks in, taking off his tie Sandy: hey (smiles) you jus get home (kisses Kirsten's cheek) Kirsten: yeah, I sent Seth out for Thai Sandy: oh, perfect, did Carter tell ya about surfing this morning, you know he's a little rusty but he's definitely got some skills Kirsten: (looks up) did you two manage ta discuss the case at all during your bonding session Sandy: oh you know a little, oooh comin outta the water we ran inta Erin Lee that young orthopedist (Kirsten listens) I think there're definitely some sparks between her an Carter (smiles, sits on the bed opposite Kirsten) so I was thinkin we should have em over for dinner, y'know set em up Kirsten: (turns around) wait, you're serious Sandy: yeah, Carters new in town, he doesn't know that many people Kirsten: (unenthusiastic) fine, sure Sandy: great (stands) ill make the calls (Sandy leaves the room, and the camera pans back over to Kirsten. she doesn't look happy about it) CUT TO: Treys apartment - Ryan and Seth pull up out the front. we can see the light is on inside Seth: alright, just in an out, hey, happy twenty first then we're at the Thai place Ryan: this is a mistake he's never gonna change Seth: dude, you gotta trust people more Ryan: (looks) there he is Seth: alright great, let's go (goes to get out) (we see Trey come out of the door and lock it) Ryan: (frowns) no, wait, wait-wait (puts his hand out) Seth: would you relax, he's probably jus goin'a buy cigarettes (we see a car pull up and Trey gets in it) Seth: or getting in an un suspicious looking Camaro...with a guy who looks like Blue Reed? (Ryan looks at him) alright, hope you like cold Thai (follows the Camaro) (we now see them in an aerial view, driving on the road) Seth: it's his twenty first birthday I'm sure he's jus goin out for a drink Ryan: whoa whoa there stoppin, pull over Seth: there probably jus pickin up a friend...iiiiinnnn a dark alley (Seth stops their car and we see the one Trey is in, turn down a dark alley and stop. Seth and Ryan watch as Trey gets out of the car and walks over to a rough looking guy. we see Trey take out his wallet and hand the guy money) Seth: who he owes some money to (Ryan doesn't look happy. Seth watches, frowning) CUT TO: Treys apartment the next morning - we hear impatient, loud banging. a sleepy Trey is headed towards the door to open it Trey: (sniffs) alright (more banging) alright (more banging) oh my god you have'ta be kidding me (shakes his head) (Trey opens the door and Ryan is standing there about to bang again) Trey: (suprised) what's up man (Ryan rushes forward and pins Trey against the wall, hard) Trey: what the hell is your problem Ryan: (still holding Trey) you're unbelievable you know that, I saw you last night Trey: what Ryan: (upset) wha'd you buy coke, speed (lets go of Trey) where is it, get rid of it right now! Trey: oh god man (walks away) Ryan: I am such an idiot for ever believin in you (turns to face Trey) Trey: here, why'dont you call my parole officer (holds up a card) cause it was his car I got into last night (throws the card at Ryan, hurt) Ryan: what Trey: (yells) yeah, guy in the alley, that's a buddy'a mine from prison who got out a few months ago an disappeared (Ryan looks at him) I asked my PO ta find him because I was worried Ryan: you gave him money Trey: he asked me for five bucks am I suppose'ta say no, guys livin in a trash can, god I was tryin'a convince him ta go to a shelter (Ryan looks at him) that's it Ry (Ryan and Trey look at each other for a few seconds. Ryan walks towards the door to leave and Trey steps in front of him) Trey: (voice breaking) an you know its-its funny (Ryan looks at him) cause when I saw ya, I thought ta myself...my brothers come over ta take me out ta breakfast for my birthday (Ryan looks at him helplessly. Trey moves out of the way and Ryan goes to leave) Trey: you know, maybe I'm the idiot for believin (Trey slams the door just as Ryan goes to turn around) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Marissa is lying on her bed reading a book and we hear a knock, she sits up a little and we can see Ryan standing in the doorway Marissa: hey Ryan: hey, hope I'm not um (Marissa looks at him, she still looks hurt over what happened earlier) Ryan: can I (motions to the door) (Ryan goes in slowly, and shuts the door behind him) Ryan: so I'm sorry about the other day I-I was outta line Marissa: (shrugs) he's your brother, I should've jus respected that Ryan: you didn't do anything wrong I...was takin out my frustration with him on you Marissa: so does that mean you're willing ta give him another chance Ryan: well if he's willing ta give me one (Marissa listens) last night Seth an I kinda followed him (sits) (Marissa looks at him) we hadn't meant to at first...but we did uh (sighs) we thought we saw him tryin'a buy drugs...so this morning Marissa: you went an accused him Ryan: pretty much (looks down) Marissa: an no drugs Ryan: (looks at Marissa) he...was helping out a homeless guy Marissa: (smiles, softly) ouch Ryan: (smiles) I don't know what ta do Marissa: well, as it happens you've come ta the right place (Ryan smiles at Marissa) CUT TO: The diner - Seth and Reed are sitting at a table together, discussing the graphic novel. Reed is looking through some of Seth's latest drawings in a folder Reed: oh Seth these new pages are great Seth: (plays it down) ah yeah, there y'know jus sketches mostly but thankyou Reed: oh I owe Carter big, you an Zach are a find Seth: yeah, yeah (sits back) we're a good team I mean (frowns) I come up with the stories, I write the dialogue I draw the pages an uh...Zach handles the late night coffee runs (Reed smiles) seriously if you need a bone dry cappuccino, Zach's, he's your go to guy so (points) Reed: well where is Zach anyway, I thought he was coming Seth: I don't know (thinks) what is it Saturday he's probably gettin a hair cut...you wouldn't know it but that guy spends copious amounts'a time grooming, let me ask you (points) did you get like a slight gay vibe from him at all (phone rings) Reed: (raises eyebrows) what Seth: excuse me (looks at his phone then answers) hey what's up girl-girl-girlfriend Summer: hey, Cohen, um I need your help Seth: I'm actually in a m-meeting right now with (swallows) with Reed Summer: oh ok well uh (frowns) when you're done with him will you meet me at Marissa's (raises eyebrows) Reed: oh my god I love these Little Miss Vixen sketches Summer: (overheard) who was that Seth: the waitress, anyways, I'm gonna call you back in a little bit Summer: ok, bye (hangs up) Seth: (hangs up) that's my mom Reed: you call your mom girlfriend (Seth nods, and raises his eyebrows) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - we hear a door bell, then we see Julie answer the door. a delivery guy is standing there with a medium sized envelope in his hand Guy: (reads) Mrs. ...Cooper-Nichol Julie: yeah (the guy hands her something to sign. Julie signs her name and hands it back. the guy hands her the yellow envelope and she takes it, then shuts the door. Julie turns over the envelope and pulls open the top. she sticks her hand in and pulls out the prn IDENTITY tape. stuck to the tape is a yellow piece of paper, which she reads. Julie looks shocked) CUT TO: Treys apartment - its now night, we hear a knock on the door and then we see Trey opening it. a semi dressed up Marissa is standing there with a big smile on her face Marissa: hey Trey: (suprised) Marissa, what...are you doing here Marissa: (grabs Treys arm) come on I'm taking you out Trey: what Marissa: I'm taking you out it's your birthday (touches Trey's arm) no arguments Trey: ok...ok alright (nods then goes back inside) let me (puts up a finger) get my keys (Trey goes back out and pulls the door shut, then locks it) Marissa: (smirks) afraid someone's gonna steal your bean bag Trey: (looks at Marissa) yeah, actually Marissa: (laughs) hm, come on (pulls Trey away) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - we the outside of the mansion. then we see Marissa keying herself back in at the front door Marissa: I can't believe I forgot my wallet it'll jus take a second (opens the door) Trey: (walks in) so where're we going ta dinner (shuts the door, and takes in the incredibleness of the house) Marissa: well...actually...I was thinking maybe we could eat in (holds her hands out) (we see Ryan, Seth and Summer standing there with a happy birthday sign strung across the fireplace near by) Seth: suprise Summer: suprise (Trey looks at them, shocked) Seth: (walks closer to Trey) well happy birthday dude (shakes Treys hand) Summer: yeah happy birthday (kisses Treys cheek) Ryan: (looks at Trey) happy birthday (holds his hand out) (Trey looks at Ryan's hand, then Ryan. he doesn't move. Seth Summer and Marissa all look uncomfortable, Marissa looks at Trey. Ryan waits. after a few seconds Trey moves forward and pulls Ryan into a tight hug {awww}) Ryan: (closes his eyes) sorry man (pats Treys back) (Marissa smiles) Seth: alright we have hot dogs, an hamburgers an kielbasas for you (touches Summers arms) Summer: Cohen learned how ta use the grill this summer, it's a major life achievement (Ryan looks at Trey) Seth: that's right I grilled some corn, I grilled some veggies...found somethin in Marissa's fridge (points) I jus, I grilled it (Marissa smiles) Trey: (puts his arm around Ryan) sounds great (Ryan puts his arm around Trey) (Trey and Ryan go over to Seth and Summer. Marissa goes to follow but Julie comes out) Julie: Marissa (Marissa turns around) I have'ta go out for a bit uh can I trust you while I'm gone Marissa: (closes her eyes) yes mom, it's only gonna be us (points) an maybe a couple girls from the charity league Julie: well I don't wanna come home an find I'm living in Delta house (looks over) is that Ryan's brother Marissa: yeah Julie: ok, well since he's twenty one I guess it would be ok if he had a beer, but jus one (holds up a finger) (smiles) see I can be a cool mom to, bye honey (kisses Marissa's cheek) mwa (Julie leaves. Marissa frowns then heads over to the others) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten puts some wine glasses on the bench and Sandy and Carter come in Sandy: one weekend we should drive down ta Swarmys, it's a little crowded but it's got a kller right Carter: (touches Sandy's shoulder) count me in, hey Kirsten Kirsten: (smiles) hey Carter, you look nice Carter: oh thanks uh Sandy told me ta spiff it up a bit Sandy: yeah I-I didn't want him to embarrass us (Kirsten looks at him, with her head on side) (doorbell) Sandy: that must be Erin (goes to answer the door) Carter: (softly) I um I hope this isn't uh strange or Kirsten: (shakes her head) no, its not, its fun (smiles) Carter: you know because this, it wasn't my uh, I didn't- (Sandy and Erin come in. Kirsten looks down) Sandy: Carter, you remember Erin (points) Carter: yes I do (shakes Erin's hand) hi Erin: (smiles) hi Carter: hi Sandy: my wife Kirsten (points) Erin: (leans over and shakes Kirsten's hand) nice to meet you Kirsten: you too (smiles) Sandy: I was jus sayin ta Carter that we should go down ta Swarmys some weekend, what'do you think Erin: sure (looks at Carter) id love to (Carter nods, then looks at Kirsten) Sandy: guys come on outside, the best thing about this place are the sunsets (Erin follows him) Carter: lead the way (looks at Kirsten before leaving) Kirsten: uh you all go, ill bring the wine (smiles) Sandy: (off screen) hey come on out ta the patio, w-watch your step, we've got about a minute an a half until the sunset is just - magical (Kirsten pours herself a glass of wine and swallows the lot in one ht. she doesn't look like shes coping well) CUT TO: The room - well that's what the green neon sign inside says anyway, lol. it appears to be a bar of some sort. Julie walks in and appears to be looking for someone. she walks over to a table and we see its Lance Lance: (stands) hey Jules, thanks for comin Julie: jus tell me what I'm doing here (reads the note) if you want the rest meet me, what'do you expect ta get Lance, my life is already ruined Lance: look I don't want anything (holds up a bag) here its...it's the rest'a da tapes (puts it down) look just yesterday I got offered eighty five hundred dollars for them but I said no Julie: (scoffs) oh, what a gentleman, so you want points for turning down eight grand after fleecing Caleb for five hundred thous- Lance: I didn't get a penny outta Caleb Julie: (confused) what're you talking about Lance: yeah, after he got the master tape he had me beaten up (looks at Julie) an thrat alot worse (Julie looks shocked) but I guess he didn't tell you that Julie: (stunned) ...no (sits) Lance: I thought he would just pay up...you know ta protect his wife an all...but I guess a guy like Caleb Nichol doesn't mind takin chances Julie: (dazed) yeah when it's my reputation he's gambling Lance: Jules, I never meant ta hurt you...honestly, but after he did that...well you know what I'm like when I think I'm being cheated Julie: yeah I remember Lance: look if I had the money now I would give it to you, every - cent (Julie listens) but I don't, I got nothing, not even the eighty five hundred (drinks) Julie: ...got enough ta buy me a drink CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - the party is now alot more happening then previously. there are a few kids wandering around by the pool. Ryan, Marissa, Seth and Summer are standing on the balcony looking down at them. Seth has his arm around Summer Ryan: huh so uh how many people would you say ya invited Marissa: (thinks) four Summer: yeah me to Seth: I don't even know four other people (Trey comes over) looks like word spread Summer: (laughs) yyyyeeeaaahhh (looks over) hey, check out Zach an that hotty Seth: hey that's um (we see Zach and Reed together) (Ryan and Marissa look at him) a very attractive woman Marissa: (frowns) she looks a little older don't you think, like maybe she's in college Seth (shakes his head, softly) I wouldn't- I don't- Summer: yeah...yeah, maybe he'll bring her out here Seth: yeah you know what, I think I see somebody doin magic by the pool, lets go check that out Summer: magic tricks (laughs) uh definitely somebody you invited (Seth watches Zach and Reed as he walks away with Summer - the next thing we see is Ryan and Marissa walking together inside) Ryan: this is fine, you won't get inta trouble for this right Marissa: yeah, it's not like I'm throwing a rager (doorbell. Marissa and Ryan go over to the door, Marissa opens it and a girl is standing there) Marissa: helloooo Girl: is there a party here Marissa: uh...yeah Girl: (turns around and yells) this is it (the girl runs inside and a whole heap of kids follow, screaming, woohooing and carrying booze etc. Ryan and Marissa just stand back and watch in disbelief) Ryan: I think the word has spread Marissa: yeah (Ryan puts his fist in the air and waves it around, copying another guy) CUT TO: The party - it is now a definite RAGER. we see closes ups of bikini clad girls dancing sexily, then a couple kissing heavy, then more girls dancing. then a guy with his hand up a blonde girls top, and the blonde girl looks pretty out of it. they kiss. then we see 3 guys doing shts together on the lounge. a few guys getting high, another guy doing a sht. a guy pours more alcohol into the sht glass and it goes everywhere. we then see a girl in the pool, and more girls having fun in the jacuzzi. then we hear screaming, and chug chug chug, a guy chugs a cup of beer. some guy dances weirdly near the pool. the guy who chugged the beer high fives his mates, and everyone screams wooooo. - we then see Seth walking around by himself, he taps a water polo player on the back who's in the middle of chugging a beer Seth: excuse me (guy turns around) sorry ta interrupt your drinking, I'm looking for uh Zach he plays water polo to Guy: are you talking ta me geek (another player knocks into Seth) Seth: oh uh I think you know the kickin a comic book guys ass, we're probably passed it (the first guy puts his hand around Seth's neck) ohhh your hand goes all the way around... kinda hard ta breathe (Trey goes over and pushes the guy that has hold of Seth around the neck. Trey grabs him around the neck and holds him on the ground. Seth and the other players watch) Guy: stop it alright (Trey just looks at him, angry) stop it, I got a game tomorrow Trey: yeah, then I suggest you go home - an get some sleep (Trey lets go of the guy, and the other guy goes over to help the first guy up. Seth kicks the guy on the ground in the stomach {good for him! lol} Trey puts his arm around Seth's shoulder) Seth: wow Trey: you ok Seth: thanks dude, its deja vu...OC party, attcked by water polo guy, saved by an Atwood, hello (a blonde girl is standing opposite Trey. she looks impressed with Treys performance) Jess: that was amazing, do'you like know akido or something (looks at Seth) Seth: ok ill jus go (walks away) Jess: I'm Jess (smiles) Trey: I'm Trey (looks down) nice tat Jess: thanks, it's a Buddha smoking a joint (the tattoo is on her stomach, a little below her belly button) Trey: that's very artistic Jess: (moves closer to Trey) id show you the rest but my boyfriends probably watching (Trey nods) we can go somewhere else Trey: (nods) sure (Jess takes Treys hand and leads him away - we then see Seth again, still looking for Zach) Seth: (calls) Zach Zach: Seth Seth: hey dude, you wanna explain yourself maybe Zach: (frowns) what're you talking about Seth: dude, Reed member the whole professional ethics conversation we had Zach: (frowns) oh yeah like not letting me know there was a meeting Seth: y'know first of all you were the guy, you were like I have a laundry list of things ta do Zach: (not impressed) what're you doing telling her I'm gay Seth: (puts a finger up) now I said gay vibe, I distinctly remember saying gay vibe, an the two are very different Zach: ok then how about me getting you cappuccinos...bone dry (frowns) wha-what'does that even mean Seth: god, what is she a court reporter Zach: (points at Seth then pushes through the crowd) scuse me, sorry (now opposite Seth) look, ok, I don't really wanna get inta this right now ok so you jus look for your date an ill look for mine Seth: fine CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - the room is dark and Jess and Trey walk in together. Jess shuts the door and leans against it, sexily Jess: finally (Trey looks at her) somewhere private...you don't go ta Harbor do you Trey: no, I jus moved here Jess: from where Trey: prison Jess: (moves closer to Trey) did you kll someone (raises eyebrows) Trey: no...I stole a car Jess: (looks at Trey) so what's a car thief doing at a Newport rager Trey: well actually...this is my birthday party (nods) Jess: well...convict (raises eyebrows then kisses Trey) time ta open your present (Jess looks at Trey then walks over and climbs onto Marissa's bed, next to Share Bear! she leans on her elbow and looks at Trey with a small, sexy smile. Trey looks at her then walks over) CUT TO: The room - Julie and Lance are sitting in a booth together drinking and talking like old friends Julie: oh my gosh, no but what was the name of that other guy Lance: Dwight Julie: oh no, oh (laughs) Dwight (Lance laughs) no he- he had that birthmark Lance: oh Julie: no I'm talking about the one (Lance laughs) the one who always said oh oh what was it, oh bottom line Lance: oh my go- everything was bottom line, like (with an accent) yeah Vegas bottom line your gonna get at the same time: Lance: screwed Julie: screwed Lance: yeah (Julie and Lance both laugh) Julie: or he'd say bottom line I'm- (Julie hears a song start to play on the juke box. its here I go again by Whitesnake) Lance: (looks at Julie) what Julie: (excited) oh my god Lance: what Julie: (gasps) d'you remember this concert (smiles reminiscently) Lance: yeah, you threw your shirt at the band Julie: no, no, no (points) that was the Rat concert Lance: oh you went through alotta shirts (Julie laughs and they clink glasses. then they drink, and laugh some more. Lance looks at Julie) Julie: ...this was actually pretty fun but uh Lance: hold on, don't go yet (Julie looks at him) one more drink...for Whitesnake Julie: (gives in) for Whitesnake Lance: yes (Julie and Lance clink glasses again) Julie: bring it on! CUT TO: The party/Rager - we see the kids dancing again, a girl dirty dancing with another guy and someone drinking. Summer slowly pushes her way through the crowd and manages to get into the bathroom, where Reed is standing at the sink Summer: (sees Reed) sorry Reed: oh no come in, there're already a couple people in the shower anyway Summer: wonderful (shuts the door) uh-hm (walks over to the sink) aren't you here with Zach (from here we can see Summer and Reed talking to each by their reflections, we can't see the actual them. Reed is putting on lipstick) Reed: yeah (smiles) I mean just as friends Summer: (smiles) he's a great guy, isn't he Reed: oh my god (looks at Summer) so sweet...an cute, I can't believe he doesn't have a girlfriend Summer: (frowns) well, some girls at our school can be idiots Reed: I know this sounds crazy but uh...have you ever heard of Little Miss Vixen Summer: (looks at Reed) yeah um, how d'you know about Little Miss Vixen, d'you know Seth Reed: yeah I'm working with him on his comic book (looks at Summer away from the mirror) I'm Reed CUT TO: Seth standing by himself outside. an angry Summer comes up behind him Summer: you ass! (touches Seth's back, he turns around) he's a she Seth: hey, what're you doing Summer: Reeds a girl! Seth: ok I-I never said th- Summer: (upset) don't you dare, don't you even pretend that you didn't lie Seth: I jus, I knew you would get the wrong idea Summer: (puts her head back) oh, right this is my fault, because of course I wouldn't wanna know that my boyfriend met some gorgeous twenty three year old who loves comics an thinks he's the next Brian Bendis whatever that means Seth: she said that, she thinks I'm the next Bendis Summer: (can't believe it, puts up her hand) oh my god (walks away) Seth: (follows) hey...Summer look I'm sorry I should've told you ok Summer: (calls out) Zach (Zach looks down) Zach hey are you leaving Zach: yeah Summer: can I get a ride (Seth is making a 'no, don't' motion to Zach) Zach: um (looks at Reed) yeah (Summer heads over to Zach. Seth just watches) Seth: Summer please Summer: Cohen jus shut up (looks at Seth) cause even when you're not lying, you're lying (Summer walks up the stairs between Reed and Zach. Seth watches helplessly, Zach grins back at Seth, enjoying Seth's situation) CUT TO: The room - Lance and Julie are dancing together. Julie is drunk and singing along enthusiastically, to the song on the juke box, every rose has its thorn Julie: (sings and sways) every rose has its thorn...every night has its dawn (drinks a sht) Lance: wow (smiles) Julie: (swallows, continues singing) cowboy sings the sad, sad song (puts the sht glass down and throws her head back) every rose has its thornnnnn (almost head bangs) (Lance laughs) (points) Poison rocks Lance: they did, they did (laughs and hugs Julie) oh baby I think its time ta get you home Julie: (smile goes) oh yeah, home, great... home yeah...Caleb's gonna divorce me Lance: (looks at her) Jules Julie: no, you know he said he didn't judge me about the whole...ya know...but uh-hh...all during this trip he didn't even look at me, I mean an when he did I could see it in his eyes, he was (shakes her head) disgusted Lance: that's not true	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "02x19 - The Rager"}	foreverdreaming
Seth: hungry Ryan: no Seth: (makes an ' I can relate' expression) me neither (puts the bowl down) (Ryan sighs. Seth sits next to him at the end of the counter) Seth: (sighs) hey (touches Ryan's shoulder) (Ryan looks at him) dude you cannot blame yourself, alright (Ryan shakes his head and rubs his eyes) all you did was give Trey a chance an you believed in him an its like look (Ryan sighs) whatever he did at Marissa's party that's all on him Ryan: the thing is (looks at Seth) I don't think he did it...I mean Treys alott'a things but eh I don't know I jus don't think he's a drug dealer Seth: ok, so then (Ryan listens) when the cops showed up an asked who's responsible for the...girl floating in the pool he was like what (Ryan sighs) (puts his hand up) I'm an ex-con, on parole I know, ill say me (waves his hand) Ryan: no I think that when the cops showed up an went to put the cuffs on Marissa he did what he had to do (looks at Seth) ta stop em Seth: (looks at Ryan) what makes you say that Ryan: I was...about to do the same thing (Seth laughs and nods his head) Ryan: (laughs) yeah Seth: (thinks) sure (smiles) the compulsive need to rescue Marissa Cooper mus be in the Atwood DNA Ryan: it would explain alot Seth: well look, the good news is if he really didn't do it (Ryan looks at him) then my dad'll get him off (Sandy and Trey walk into the kitchen) Sandy: oh I wouldn't be so sure about that (Ryan looks at Trey, Trey looks at Ryan, worried. Ryan stands and slowly walks towards Trey, Trey again looks at him, unsure what Ryan is thinking) Ryan: (softly) hey (puts his hand on the back of Treys neck and pulls him into a tight hug {just as Trey has done to him a few times, aww}) (Trey is thrown by this, but definitely happy. he touches Ryan's back briefly. Ryan pulls away and looks at Trey) Trey: I...thought you'd be mad at me Ryan: why would I be mad (smiles) I mean...you didn't do it right Trey: no man no way...its jus when I...saw em about to take Marissa off I (Ryan looks at him) had to do somethin Sandy: from the gallantry and or stupidity with defences to felony dealing charges (Ryan and Trey look at Sandy) he'd be a free man (holds out coffee to Trey) here why don't you go get settled in the pool house Ryan: (looks at Trey) what...you're uh staying with us again Trey: I...am in Sandy's custody (walks away) it's the only way he could get the judge not ta lock me up (Ryan watches Trey leave the kitchen. Seth is now standing next to Sandy) Seth: (looks at Sandy) you couldn't get him off Sandy: well you know the old expression...no good deed goes unpunished (looks at Ryan) Trey is facin hard time (Ryan and Seth both look worried) Sandy: I am gonna go make some calls (leaves) (Ryan looks as though he's thinking. Seth looks at him) Ryan: (looks at Seth out of the corner of his eye) I gotta do somethin Seth: o...k (closes his eyes) but the buddy cop thing, I mean that's just a metaphor we're not actually spose'ta...solve crimes Ryan: he's my brother I gotta help him (sighs) an if that means finding the person (raises eyebrows) that's really responsible (looks at Seth) Seth: are you thinking of going under cover in a high school sting operation because that would be (thinks) very twenty one jump street of you Ryan: (small smile) whatever it takes Seth: yeah, ok (nods) I get ta be Richard Grieco Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Scene alternates between Newport group office, and Cohen bedroom. - Kirsten and Sandy are on the phone Kirsten: oh hey honey, how did it go with Trey Sandy: well he's outta jail for the time being but by court order he'll be staying at the Cohen half way house until next weeks hearing, you know that is...as long as it's ok with you Kirsten: well I'm guessing that he's there already (puts coffee down) Sandy: back in the pool house (smiles) Kirsten: is he ok (Sandy is now walking out of the room and into the hallway) Sandy: well...all things considered Kirsten: well, I guess ill tell Carter that we can't go to Santa Barbara then Sandy: oh gee I totally forgot about that, the-the the wine tasting weekend at Featherbrook (frowns) well...you go ill-ill stay with Trey Kirsten: no no that's no big deal, I mean Carter can handle the vineyard story by himself Sandy: (smiles) I don't think he's plannin on going by himself, he told me he was thinkin of askin Erin Kirsten: (suprised, raises eyebrows) Erin, really Sandy: (raises eyebrows) yeah yeah w-when I mentioned that uh you were gonna be bringin me along for the weekend, he thought it might be fun for us to go as a foursome (Sandy is now at the front door) Kirsten: well then, all the more reason for me to stay home with you, I certainly wouldn't wanna be a third wheel (laughs) (Kirsten sits behind her desk and Carter knocks, Kirsten looks over) Carter: (whispers) d'you want a coffee (points to his coffee cup) (Kirsten holds up her coffee cup and smiles) Sandy: honey, are you there (Carter walks away) Kirsten: (distracted) uh yeah um I-ill see ya at home CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - Marissa is in her bedroom getting ready for school, a cheerful Julie walks in Julie: hurry up sweetie or your gonna be late for school (looks at herself in the mirror) Marissa: that's it Julie: (looks at Marissa) well yeah, it's almost eight o'clock Marissa: (frowns) whoa I don't get it, you trust me to have a few people over for a birthday party, it turns into a rager (points) someone nearly drowns in the pool an I don't even get punished Julie: well you know it's not your fault, these things can happen...plus (frowns) if I punished you i'd have'ta tell Caleb about it wouldn't I Marissa: oh, so he's finally coming home Julie: yes tonight, an I'm planning a special welcome home celebration for him (Marissa looks at her) (smiles) don't worry it's a party for two Marissa: (screws up her face) gross Julie: personal sacrifices I have'ta make in order to keep a roof over our heads are nobody's business but my own Marissa: ok, really gross (goes to leave) Julie: hey, all I'm asking is that we not mention any lesbian dalliances or...bodies in the pool, ok Marissa: maybe I should stay with Summer tonight, I mean that way you don't have'ta worry about me slipping up with Caleb and y (frowns) you can make...all the personal sacrifices you want (Julie smiles) CUT TO: Harbor school - we see kids walking around outside, then we see the student lounge. Summer is sitting on the couch by herself with a coffee, looking almost sad. Zach comes over Summer: (looks up) hi Zach: (sits) where's Cohen Summer: wouldn't know (sighs) I'm avoiding him Zach: (nods) because of the Reed thing Summer: yeah, he deliberately (looks at Zach) led me to believe that she was a he...she who happens to be cute an obsessed with his precious comic book Zach: (corrects) graphic novel (smiles) Summer: whatever, he's turning into a subdolous ego maniac Zach: (impressed) subdolous (smiles) Summer: yeah, it's from my word'a the day calendar, it means sneaky an underhanded (raises eyebrows) not ta be trusted (nods, laughs) (Zach smiles) (Summers smile goes suddenly and we see why. Seth sits in front of her, mouths 'hi' and does a small wave) Summer: well you ears must'a ben burning, to bad there not on fre Seth: jus wait a second (puppy dog face) (holds up a single flower) this is for you, I keep the rest in a vase at my house (Summer looks at him) (Zach looks from Summer to Seth) an every morning I take one out an I bring it to school (closes his eyes) just hoping that I run inta you so I can apologise (kisses the flower then holds it out to Summer) (Zach looks from Seth to Summer) Summer: (softens slightly) its actually kinda sweet (takes flower) Seth: an to sweeten the mea culpa even a little bit further, guess who got you a ticket to Death Cab (holds up ticket) tonight (Summer slightly smiles and goes to take the ticket from Seth) Zach: whoa hey (Summer looks at him) didn't you check your e-mail, Reed read your first draft (Seth looks at him out of the corner of his eye) of Atomic County Seth: and Zach: she loved it (smiles) Seth: ok Summer: well good, I mean that means that this graphic...book (looks at Zach) things finally over Zach: not exactly, she has notes (Summer doesn't look happy) Seth: well I thought you said she loved it Zach: (nods) she does, note giving is jus the (thinks) publishers way of showing their creative investment in a project (Seth doesn't look thrilled) she wanted to do it earlier but you know we had the whole school thing so we're doin it later at her place (Summer closes her eyes, disappointed) Seth: uhhhh (shakes his head, puts a finger up) no there's um there's-there's Death Cab an I have you know Summer (Summer smiles) and uh Death Cab so (shakes his head) Zach: (frowns) Seth, you can't blow this off (Seth closes his eyes) she's ben working around our schedule already (Summer looks at Seth, hopeful) Seth: well (sighs) ok can we meet up after I guess (Summer doesn't look happy) I hear they play long sets Summer: whatever Mr. subdolous (slams the flower down and leaves) Seth: Mr. subdolous Zach: new villain (smiles) you should pitch it to Reed tonight (Seth looks confused) (stands) see ya buddy (we now see Marissa and Ryan walking together outside, down the stairs) Marissa: Trey should've jus let me get arrested, be alot easier for Sandy to help me then him Ryan: yeah well thinkin before speaking aren't exactly Treys strong suit Marissa: so what can we do Ryan: we can find out who brought the drugs to your party, you got any ideas (looks at Marissa) Marissa: (thinks) Kyle Thompson (motions her head towards Kyle) Ryan: (looks) that guy, I've never seen him before Marissa: yeah well (looks at Ryan) he's a senior an a water polo player so you guys (laughs) don't exactly run in the same circles, but everyone says he's he guy to go to (the camera pans away from Kyle and we see Jess walking over to him {Jess is the girl who almost drown in Marissa's pool} Ryan: looks like floater girl knows him (Jess hugs Kyle) Marissa: who Jess Sather's (Jess and Kyle kiss) yeah I didn't even know she was at my party until she nearly drowned in the pool Ryan: so you know her (Jess and Kyle + friends start to walk away) Marissa: uh use to (bell rings. Ryan and Marissa start walking again) Ryan: so could you talk to her, I mean find out if Kyle's the one who hooked her up Marissa: (looks at Ryan) yeah, I can try (smiles) hey Jess Jess: (turns around as she walks passed) hey (keeps walking) (Marissa raises her eyebrows at Ryan and walks in Jess' direction. Ryan looks behind him then keeps walking) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Carter is on the phone then frowns and hangs up. Kirsten walks passed Kirsten: is everything ok Carter: yeah just (sighs) uh I invited Erin up to the (Kirsten looks over) uh wine tasting in Santa Barbara this weekend, an after a week of not hearing from her she leaves a message saying she doesn't think its a good idea for us (Kirsten looks at him) ta start seeing each other Kirsten: did she say why Carter: no, nothing (raises eyebrows) Kirsten: I'm sorry Carter: yeah me too, I mean I thought we ht it off really well at your dinner party, I even rented a sixty five mustang for the drive up there, you an uh Sandy wanna car pool Kirsten: actually we're not going, your gonna have'ta cover the piece without me Carter: you're kidding, what happened Kirsten: family emergency, Ryan's brother needs Sandy's legal help an so he's gonna be working all weekend Carter: (looks at Kirsten) well what about you I mean you can't peel away for an afternoon (Kirsten goes to say something) did I mention the uh vintage convertible, its red Kirsten: (smiles) I wish I could Carter: I'm sorry, I just I hate drinking alone (Kirsten nods, relating) well I hate drinking wine alone Kirsten: me too (laughs) Carter: (nods and looks down) alright well I will make sure to pick up a bottle of Featherbrooks finest (walks away) and I owe you guys a (points) a supper so maybe we'll do that next week Kirsten: terrific (smiles) have a great weekend Carter: you too (leaves) (Kirsten watches Carter leave, she looks almost disappointed) CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa is walking in the hall and she sees Jess standing at her locker, Marissa hesitates then walks over Marissa: Jess, hey (Jess doesn't say anything) I jus wanted to say how totally sorry I am for what happened at my party last weekend Jess: (frowns) that was your house Marissa: yeah, you ok Jess: yeah, you know, just another wr story Marissa: (relates) yeah I got a few'a those Jess: right, heard about your little incident in T.J. last year Marissa: (looks at Jess) not my finest (raises eyebrows) moment, my parents were all over me after that (softly) in fact I don't really know anyone (raises eyebrows) anymore an...well I was kinda wondering if maybe you could hook me up Jess: (looks Marissa up and down) a chance to party with the legendary Marissa Cooper (Marissa looks at her, hopeful) goin to Death Cab tonight Marissa: (thinks) yeah, totally (smiles) Jess: (shuts her locker) look for me, I might know someone (walks away) (Marissa nods and watches Jess leave. Ryan walks over) Ryan: how'd it go Marissa: (looks at Ryan) I think its on (raises eyebrows, then looks back at Jess) (we see Ryan and Marissa watching Jess, who runs up to Kyle and kisses him) Ryan: I think your right CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten is in there with Trey, she pulls some take away menus out of the drawer Kirsten: pick any restaurant you want (holds menus out to Trey) sort of a welcome home dinner (smiles) Trey: (looks through them) there...all...Thai...menus (Ryan and Seth come in from school) Ryan: we didn't do a whole lott'a Thai food growin up (opens the fridge) Seth: yeah, I'm convinced somewhere in our heritage a Cohen bagged himself some Asian action Ryan: mm Kirsten: Seth Seth: (to Trey) by the way ya cant go wrong with the shrimp pad Thai, in fact actually save some for me I gotta go Kirsten: where're you goin Seth: I have a incredibly inconvenient note session in Silver lake, Ryan (Ryan looks) delay Death Cab as long as you can, also (points) give one'a those flowers to Summer for me, please (leaves) Ryan: what Trey: you guys goin out tonight Ryan: uh yeah, but iiiiffff you wanna hang out when I get back Trey: I'm the one under house arrest Ry, you don't gotta baby-sit me (Sandy comes in) Sandy: hey gng (kisses Kirsten's cheek) Kirsten: hey, did you talk to the prosecutor Sandy: uh not yet, but I found out who its gonna be, this guy named Tom McGinty Ryan: so you know him Sandy: I know of him, he's a big Irish conservative uh real letter of the law type, who's got about eight kids an (looks at Trey) six are daughters Kirsten: well maybe that's a good thing, if he's a family man maybe he'll be sympathetic to Trey Sandy: an risk keeping a drug dealer near his daughters school Trey: I'm not a drug dealer Sandy: (looks at Trey) oh I know that, but he doesn't Trey: so you're saying I'm screwed Sandy: no, what I'm saying is we're gonna have'ta start working on your defense tonight CUT TO: Reeds house - we see a sht of what looks like a free way, and then we see Seth and Zach sitting with Reed outside at her house. another guy Damon is also there. Reed is holding the draft of Atomic County. it has ATOMIC COUNTY in large blue bubble writing at the top 1/4 of the background is bright red, and the rest is yellow. there are also 2 big drawings of Little Miss Vixen and the Ironist. It looks great! Reed: (sits) thanks for making the drive, I'm sure traffic outta Newport's a bitch on Fridays Seth: (anxious) eh Zach: (waves it off) nah the drive was no problem, we're jus lookin forward to hearing your thoughts an concerns (smiles) Seth: yeah, yeah as quickly as possible please Damon: well lets get started then huh (Seth motions yes) ok uh overall we're concerned (Zach takes notes) about the uh universality of Atomic County (Seth is impatient and fidgety) we're a little worried kids in the heartland there not gonna (thinks) not gonna get this world Seth: ok (puts his hand up) sure sure um (Zach nods) except I know that for me Atomics location was always sorta the back bone'a the comic strip (points) I mean that's why...I thought you guys were interested in the first place (Reed and Damon look at each other) Zach: we'll uh we'll take a look at it (smiles) (Reed smiles) Guy: ok, ok ok (Seth looks at Zach, worried) also we're wondering about uh (Zach smiles, enjoying Seth's predicament, he's still taking notes) Cosmo girl, her magic flask, could she get her power from like ooo like a sports drink instead (Seth doesn't look impressed) because legal's worried about law suits (points) from the parents'a teen alcoholics (Reed nods) um oh oh (laughs and folds his arms) oh the Ironist, oooh boy, a little cerebral (Seth and Zach look at each other, Reed looks at them) Seth: (to Zach) is he bein ironic (Damon's phone rings) Damon: oo I gotta take this (answers) yeah go Seth: (to Reed) who is that guy Reed: oh Damon's a marketing genius, we jus recruited him outta fantagraphics an he's gonna make you very very famous (Zach smiles) Seth: as what, the worst comic book authour ever Reed: he is really good at what he does and the party tomorrow night is his idea Seth: what party Zach: a party that is awesome of you (smiles) Reed: Damon thought it would be a really good idea to introduce you to everyone, get you with directors, musicians animators for your potential off sht projects Seth: ok that's that's-that's great but we're kind of I I I- Zach: so there (smiles) thank you (Seth looks at him) Reed: an I want you to bring your girlfriend, cause everyone is dying to meet (puts her hands up like claws) Little Miss Vixen Seth: right Little Miss Vixens...a character Damon: can you come here (motions to Reed) Reed: (puts up a finger) ill be right back Seth: yeah (to Zach) (shakes his head) Summers gonna kll me, I say we walk, right now Zach: (looks at Seth, softy) no, we've come to far to blow this Seth: even if those were good ideas, which there not (raises eyebrows) a rewrite would take me like a year ok I cant do that, Summer an I would be over by then Zach: that's why you need to bring her to the party, make her apart'a the process, include her in this Seth: you really think that's a good idea Zach: definitely (Seth looks as though he's considering the idea) CUT TO: Cohen living room - Sandy and Trey are sitting on the couch, at the coffee table together Sandy: (off screen) will you tell me again about Marissa's party (on screen) who'd you talk to Trey: besides Ryan's friends (Sandy nods) I don't know...couple girls Sandy: the girl in the pool (looks at Trey) Trey: ...maybe Sandy: (reads) well the police report has an eyewitness claiming...that she saw you an Jess enter a room an close the door (Trey rubs his eyes, Sandy looks at him) Trey: (sighs, stands) ok, yeah look Jess an I we ht it off a little...you know talked an stuff but (shakes his head) truth is I thought we were gonna go back to my place an hook up, next thing I know the cops have arrived an she's face down in a pool Sandy: (frowns) did you see Jess take any drugs Trey: no, but it was-it was clear she was on em Sandy: where'd she get em Trey: there was this-there was this one guy (shrugs) I heard he was passin out pills Sandy: you think you might recognise him Trey: I don't-I don't know...you know he looked like every other kid in this town, tall tan an a face you jus wanna (bites his lip) flatten Sandy: do any'a these names ring a bell (holds out a list) maybe she uh she mentioned somebody or said somethin about somebody Trey: (takes the list and sits back down) no, no, look I just wanted to help Marissa out, ok (Sandy listens) nobody's ever thrown me a birthday party, an I wasn't gonna let her go to jail for it (sits back) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - we see shts of Death Cab performing for a few seconds then the camera pans to show that Ryan, Summer and Marissa are standing up top against the railing, watching them. Summer has the 'Seth flower' in her hands, and she's pulling off petals and dropping them below. Marissa and Ryan look as though they are looking for Jess. Summer is oblivious Summer: (sad) I can't believe Seth is missing his favourite band, you know its one thing blwing me off, but blwing off Death Cab (frowns) this comic book has totally broken him Marissa: ya seen Jess yet (Ryan looks at her) Summer: (confused, frowns) Jess, Jess Sather's (looks at Marissa) why're you looking for that coke whore (Marissa looks suprised) what, she is (Marissa doesn't say anything) (looks at Marissa suspiciously) Marissa Cooper, are you doing coke Marissa: (looks at Summer) what, no no we're- Ryan: we're helpin Trey Summer: (looks at Ryan) helping him what, score Ryan: stay outta prison, I'm gonna do a lap Marissa: well if you see her let me know ok (shrugs) or Kyle Summer: (pulls more petals off) or Seth (throws the petals down) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - we see this from an aerial view. Julie is lying on their bed in a sexy little number. and the bed, and herself are covered in hundreds of rose petals. Julie fixes her hair. Caleb: (off screen) Julie (sound of the door shutting) Julie: (calls) I'm up here Caleb: (off screen) would you come down here please Julie: (calls) why don't you come up here... (smiles) welcome home sailor (Caleb walks in) Caleb: (emotionless) what's all this Julie: what'does it look like Caleb: it looks like one of your movies Julie: (hurt) ...that's not funny Caleb: (turns the light on) not suppose'to be (Julie gets off the bed) I 've spent the last few weeks trying to get passed the (thinks) incident (Julie puts a gown on and looks at him) turns out I cant Julie: (moves closer) ...I've...missed you...after all this time I was hoping maybe you missed me too Caleb: cancel whatever spa treatment you had booked for tomorrow, we need to have a very serious discussion Julie: about what Caleb: I have a meeting with my lawyers in the morning...we'll talk after that Julie: (nods) lawyers...what exactly are you saying Caleb: ill let my attorney talk for me (Caleb leaves the room and Julie watches him, it almost looks like she's going to cry) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - we see more of Death Cab then we see Marissa and Summer walking away from the railing Summer: I mean where other then the Bait Shop are tickets always plentiful and the band never to loud to talk over, Cohen is missing it (touches Marissa) hello (Marissa shrugs, still looking for Jess) Summer: (sees Jess handing out fliers) huh, here comes your girl Marissa: (sees, panics) oh no uh I'm blanking, say something Summer: (whispers) what, oh my god Jess (hugs Jess) hi member me Summer Roberts, we had tap an jazz together in fourth grade (does a dance move) shuffle ball change Jess: (looks at Summer) right Marissa: (laughs) don't mind my friend she's really (raises eyebrows and looks at Summer) really stoned (looks at Summer with a 'right' expression) Summer: (plays along) totally very - very high, isn't this place like so visual (Jess looks at her) Marissa: (to Jess) so d'you wanna go sit down (motions) Jess: cant, looking for a friend (goes to walk away) Marissa: the kind who could hook me up Jess: (looks at Marissa) actually he lost his stash last weekend (raises eyebrows) but he's takin orders for tomorrow night, you want in Marissa: (smiles) definitely Jess: water polos throwing a party (hands Marissa a flier) we can meet up there, here's the address, cash only Marissa: no problem Jess: (to Summer) how bout you Summer: hmm (looks at Marissa) oh no strictly ganja, yeah what's from the earth is of the greatest worth (smiles) (Jess looks at her then walks away) Marissa: I am gonna kll you (looks at Summer, then at the flier) Summer: (worried) I hope you know what you're doing CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Sandy comes in and Kirsten is lying on the bed working. Sandy looks exhausted Kirsten: how is he Sandy: oh he's scared, he's frustrated turns out Trey knew the girl in the pool (sits on the bed) police have an eyewitness to confirm it Kirsten: that's not good Sandy: none of it is (shakes his head) I gotta keep this from goin to trial but there is no way that prosecutor will cut a deal Kirsten: that's because he only knows Trey on paper Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) oh honey...your a genius Kirsten: I am Sandy: yeah, a genius (kisses Kirsten) Kirsten: mm Sandy: what're you workin on Kirsten: notes for the wine tasting article, something to keep Carter focused after his seventh pinot since he will be attending un chaperoned Sandy: (suprised) what happened with Erin Kirsten: uhh it didn't work out Sandy: oh that's to bad I thought those two were a perfect match (looks at the brochure) honey this is gorgeous...wow...you should go up there with Carter Kirsten: I...should be here (smiles) Sandy: well there's nothin you can do for Trey (Kirsten looks at him) he knows your behind him Kirsten: I guess if we leave early enough we could be...back in time for dinner Sandy: ill make the dinner, you bring the wine (Kirsten smiles) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - we see more of Death Cab then we see Ryan amongst the crowd, he looks around and sees Kyle near the bar. Kyle appears to be waiting/looking for someone. Ryan walks over Ryan: man it's packed in here tonight (Kyle looks around, ignoring Ryan) oh hey, don't I know you, from that house party last weekend Kyle: (looks at Ryan) I don't think so Ryan: Kyle right, man that party was outta control, heard some chick almost OD'd in the pool Kyle: (looks at Ryan) is that right (Ryan makes a 'yeah motion' Kyle looks over and sees a guy standing near the stairs. the guy motions for Kyle to go over to him. Kyle walks passed Ryan and over to the guy, Ryan turns around and watches them. the guy looks as though he had pulled something out, and Kyle puts his hands over it, sort of like saying not here. put it away. Ryan watches, suspiciously trying to get a better look. Kyle goes up the stairs and the guy follows him. Ryan pushes through the crowd and tries to follow them. at the top of the stairs he is stopped by a very disappointed Seth because Death Cab have just said 'good night OC') Seth: (closes his eyes) I - cannot - believe I missed Death Cab jus kll me (Ryan is looking behind Seth, to where Kyle and the guy are standing. Seth is oblivious) Seth: seriously sh*t me in the face (Ryan is still watching) speaking of which is Summer around I need your help, I have a little (puts his hand on his face) quagmire ta un quagmire (notices he doesn't have Ryan's attention, and that he's looking past him) what (goes to turn around) (Ryan grabs Seth's shoulder hard and faces him back to himself, hoping Seth didn't just draw attention to them) Seth: (realises) oh is that the guy (Ryan sighs) is that- hey are you on a bust right now (Ryan looks at him) holy dude what can I do, jus give me a job (Ryan notices Kyle and the guy are now leaving) Ryan: (softly) how bout stay out of it (tries to follow them) Seth: (follows) help me, I wanna-I wanna help (runs into a girl) I'm really sorry about that (Ryan and Seth are now outside. Ryan looks around and there is no sign of Kyle or the other guy anywhere. Ryan is breathing heavily and doesn't look impressed) Seth: (points forward) well there not that way, cause that's the ocean so (looks to the left) (Ryan closes his eyes and swallows, frustrated) CUT TO: A cafe or restaurant of some sort - Sandy and Trey are standing just outside, watching Tom inside, who is eating Sandy: there he is Trey: (looks) sooo what'do we say Sandy: (looks at Trey) you say nothing, you stay right here (nods) (the next thing we see is Sandy walking over to Tom) Sandy: big mac Tom: (looks at Sandy) Tom McGinty Sandy: Sandy Cohen (shakes Tom's hand) Tom: Sandy Cohen (squints) why do I know that name Sandy: I've ben tryin'a get in touch with you for the last several days from the DA's office (Tom nods) I represent Trey Atwood (motions to Trey) Tom: (looks over, then back at Sandy) what is this, an ambush Sandy: no, no no no no I...I'm jus hopin we can put together a deal Tom: the kid was caught dealing on parole, you know something I don't Sandy: yeah (looks at Tom) you got the wrong guy Tom: they got his confession, they got eye witnesses placing him with the girl who OD'd and a bag of ecstasy matching her tox screen recovered at the scene (Trey walks up) Trey: check it for fingerprints (Sandy and Tom look at Trey) Sandy: Trey Trey: I never touched it sooo my fingerprints won't be on it Tom: your right, no ones are...an who'd known that except the guy who wiped the bag clean Sandy: not another word Trey (Trey walks away, frustrated) (to Tom) two years probation, plus a hundred hours'a community service Tom: that kid is lookin at least a year for the parole violation alone, none'a those kids at the party have so much as a traffic ticket so unless you got another suspect for me, there's not gonna be a deal (Sandy looks worried) CUT TO: The vineyard - Carter and Kirsten walk into a room where other people are standing around Kirsten: except for my hair issue, great call on the convertible Carter: well that's the way the California coast was meant to be seen an your hair looks uh...(Kirsten looks at him) great Kirsten: liar (folds her arms) for your punishment I control the radio on the way home Carter: no, no one who has won on American Idol ever sings in my car Kirsten: well consider yourself lucky, if it was Sandy you'd be listening to torch songs an show tunes Carter: preferable (a woman comes out and everyone claps) W: members of the press, honoured guests, I'd like to welcome you all to my family's winery, unfortunately my grandfather chief Featherbrook is in poor health an will be unable to join us this afternoon Kirsten: (disappointed) oooh that's a shame, I was hoping to get a glimpse of the old guy Carter: I think he's a marketing gimmick (takes 2 glasses of wine) like the jolly green giant (hands Kirsten a glass) hey maybe we can turn this article into an exposé (Kirsten looks at him) W: mountain range running east to west rather then north to south (Kirsten smells the wine, Carter holds his up and looks at it) my grandfather is convinced it's what gives the grape its unique flavour Carter: hail to the chief (Carter and Kirsten clink glasses, Kirsten smiles) CUT TO: The party for Seth and Zach at Reed's - Seth and Summer are walking towards the house, Summer isn't happy Summer: I can't believe your big apology dinner has turned into make me even madder party in silver? you know, if the cab ride home didn't cost three hundred dollars I would so be outta here Seth: listen, I understand that your here on false pretenses I was jus sorta hopin that once we got here you'd try an make the best of it (they are now inside. Summer is standing there with her arms folded) Reed: (sees) hey guys, come in Seth: (waves) hey Reed: (touches Seth on the back) everyone the man of the hour has arrived (everyone claps, including an unenthusiastic Summer) allow me to introduce to you the architect an illustrator of Atomic County Seth Cohen Seth: hi, hi, hi (shakes different peoples hands) oh (random girl kisses him on the cheek) Reed: his creative partner Zach (Zach smiles, Summer walks in more) and of course Little Miss Vixen herself (Seth looks at Summer, Summer looks at him. Zach looks as though he's enjoying their tension) Zach: (walks over to Seth) dude Seth: hey Zach: ? is in the kitchen right now an he wants to meet you Seth: (suprised) of the vixer uh no I don't I don't know what'do you say to somebody like that (smiles) the guys a legend Reed: and he's a big fan of yours and he's about to leave so (Seth looks at Summer as Reed pulls him away) Summer: (rolls her eyes) jus go (Summer looks away and Zach walks over) Zach: (smiles) you wanna go an get a drink Summer: yes (closes her eyes and nods) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is at the kitchen table working, Ryan Marissa and Trey come in from outside Sandy: (looks up) oh I-I lost track'a time, you guys ready for dinner Ryan: uh actually we need to talk to you Sandy: sure Ryan: well uh- Trey: (puts his hand up) wait wait uh...no matter what happens...I jus wanted to thankyou for all the work you've done (Sandy looks at him) nobody's ever gone out on a limb like this for me...time an time again (Ryan looks from Trey to Sandy) ill never forget it Sandy: your talkin like we're already defeated, look I...ill admit there's alotta work to be done but it aint over till it's over Trey: all due respect (laughs) I was there too, I know I'm goin down Sandy: oh look...I know things look bad...but now is not the time to give up Ryan: no we're not we um (Sandy looks at him) we know who the dealer is Sandy: who Marissa: a guy at school Sandy: (raises eyebrows) well we're gonna need proof Ryan: an I think we can get it (Sandy looks at him) tonight (Sandy looks from Ryan to Marissa. Marissa looks from Sandy to Trey. Ryan looks at Trey. Trey looks at Ryan and Marissa, then Sandy) CUT TO: Mermaid Inn - we hear a knock on the door, and then we see Lance open it. Julie is standing there Julie: (looks up) can we talk (Lance looks at her) I jus need a drink Lance: I got whiskey (motions for Julie to come in) (Julie walks in) make yourself at home (shuts the door) Julie: so Caleb's ben behind closed doors all day with his lawyers, as of tonight (sits) it's over for me (Lance puts a drink down for her) me an my girls are out on the street with nothin (drinks) Lance: no prenup (sits) Julie: I think a prn scandal more then nullifies it Lance: ...listen, Caleb's old, his health is not good (Julie looks at him) I know a guy that can get some pills (Julie listens) I could switch out his medicine while your outta town, no one'll suspect a thing then you can live the life you deserve (Julie raises her eyebrows) an never worry about anybody takin that away from you, ever again Julie: (looks at Lance) you're serious, aren't you Lance: as a heart attck (Julie looks at Lance as if she's going to say something but then pulls out her cheque book) what're you doin Julie: I'm writing you a cheque Lance: you don't gotta pay me ta kll your husband Julie: it's not for that...it's to get you outta town (looks at Lance) I'm not a mrder, neither are you (tears off the cheque and hands it to Lance) I never should've come here (the next thing we see is Julie coming out of Lance's motel room. Julie and Lance stand opposite each other) Lance: well (sighs) good luck babe Julie: (touches Lance's cheek and he smiles) good bye Lance (kisses Lance) (as Julie and Lance kiss the screen changes from colour to black and white, and we see several still images of them which resemble pictures being taken. they are all at different distances, we also hear a camera sound) CUT TO: The vineyard - Carter and Kirsten are sitting at the bar together, drinking wine. they are both tipsy Carter: you know, they should implement the bucket concept in fast food chains, all the flavour none'a the calories Kirsten: (laughs) your sick Carter: (laughs) yeah W: ladies an gentleman thankyou so much for coming, we look forward to your reviews (everyone claps) Kirsten: how many (frowns) wines have we tasted Carter: according to my notes (reads) I stopped taking notes Kirsten: (laughs) well should we fre ourselves for drinking on the job Carter: drinking was the job, and I did my job really well cause I'm hammered Kirsten: (laughs) you can't be you have'ta drive Carter: I'm not driving, are you kidding with the cliffs an the ocean an the windy roads (screws up his face) no way, you drive Kirsten: oh no no no no no I cant drive, I have had as much to drink as you have an I'm half the (knocks Carters glass with her hands) si- ooo Carter: oh (the wine went over Carters top) Kirsten: (frowns) oh I'm sorry Carter: point well taken (a woman walks over) Carter: ah excuse me um yes that's ok it'll be alright (wipes his arm) could you uh uh possibly find a driver for us tonight we failed to make proper use of the uh silver bucket (points) W: are you staying locally Carter: uh no, Orange County actually W: ooh I'm sorry (Carter motions 'yeah) but I could offer you a guest suite if you'd like to stay here tonight (Kirsten and Carter look at each other) Carter: what'do you think should we uh expense it uh-hm Kirsten: (smiles) I-I-I guess we don't have a choice (laughs) (Kirsten stops laughing and almost looks worried) CUT TO: Sandy and Trey sitting in a car together. - we see not far from them that a party is going on. we then see Marissa and Ryan arrive G: whose list are you on Marissa: uh Jess' Marissa Cooper G: (to Ryan) you on Jess' list to Ryan: no (smiles) (the guy turns around and looks at Kyle. Kyle sees that it's Ryan and shakes his head) G: (nods to Kyle) then you can't come in, sorry dawg Marissa: (to Ryan as she walks passed) meet me around the side'a the house (the guy steps aside and lets Marissa in. Marissa walks away then looks back at Ryan. Ryan looks at her. Marissa disappears in the crowd. Ryan watches) CUT TO: Inside the party - we see the party in full swing, and then we see Marissa making her way through the crowd. it's pretty dark. Marissa opens like a side door and lets Ryan in. Ryan walks in and Marissa shuts the door, they both make their way through the crowd Ryan: this really is the dark side, any sign'a Kyle Marissa: no, but he probably shouldn't see you here (Marissa looks over and sees Kyle at the far end of the room) Marissa: come on (we see Kyle heading towards Marissa and Ryan. then we see that Marissa is facing towards Kyle, and Ryan is standing closely in front of her so Kyle can only see the back of him as him and his mates walk by. Ryan and Marissa are about kissing distance away from each other and looking into each others eyes, there is definitely a moment between them. an out of it Jess walks over and stops anything from happening. Ryan moves away) Jess: hey Marissa (hugs Marissa) oh my god you came Marissa: hey Jess Jess: you look so beautiful tonight Marissa: (looks at Jess) thanks, you're in a good mood Jess: candy flipping Marissa: (confused) candy flipping Jess: yeah ecstasy an mushrooms, good for the body an the mind Marissa: sounds perfect (smiles) Jess: come with me girly girl (pulls Marissa away) (Marissa looks over at Ryan, who is watching near by. Ryan follows) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - Caleb is sitting on the couch in the dark, the way its set up looks creepy. Julie opens the door and the light shines on Caleb's legs. Julie turns the light on and then sees Caleb sitting there Caleb: where've you ben, we had plans to talk Julie: I'm here now...lets talk Caleb: are you sure you don't want to (Julie looks at him, sadly) shower or something Julie: you may not believe this (Caleb looks at her) but I put everything I had inta this marriage...I wanted it to work just as much as you did Caleb: oh I doubt that...no one hates to fail more then I do...but here we are Julie: jus say it Caleb (teary) you want a divorce Caleb: (stands and moves over to Julie, he wipes a tear away with his thumb) these real tears Julie: (looks at Caleb, as tears fall down her cheeks) no ones more suprised (shrug) then me (closes her eyes) Caleb: alright then (Julie looks at him) we'll give it one more chance Julie: (confused) what Caleb: while standing here I realise I still have feelings for you...I owe it to both of us to explore that Julie: (wipes her cheek) I don't know what to say Caleb: thankyou, I suppose (smiles) (Julie looks at him) put on something nice, ill take you for dinner (as Caleb walks away and towards the camera he goes from smiling and gentle to cold and emotionless. it seems as though Caleb is up to something, and he was just putting up a front with Julie) CUT TO: The vineyard - Kirsten and Carter are in the room together. Carter pours some of the mini bar alcohol into a glass. Kirsten comes out of the bathroom holding Carters shirt with the wine stain Kirsten: its ruined I'm sorry Carter: oh that's ok, shall we uh (holds up his glass) drink to its demise Kirsten: defeats the purpose of sobering up doesn't it (smiles) Carter: yeah...but...there's a mini bar Kirsten: (looks at Carter for a second) I should call Sandy Carter: (nods) yeah...an I should take a shower, I smell like a fermented grape (Kirsten looks down as Carter walks by and takes his shirt off, as he walks into the bathroom. we hear the door shut and Kirsten closes her eyes) CUT TO: Sandy and Trey still in the car near the party - they are both watching the party that Ryan and Marissa are at Trey: (off screen) I have a confession (on screen) I was gonna take off tonight...get outta town...never look back Sandy: well legal problems of this nature have a way of re surfacing...the only way to deal with them is head on Trey: yeah that's what Ryan said Sandy: he's a smart kid (phone rings, he answers) yeah, you alright Kirsten: I I'm sorry I didn't call earlier, I couldn't get a signal at the winery Sandy: oh that's ok, you guys on the road Kirsten: uh neither of us are actually in the right shape to drive just yet so Sandy: a little too much Indian spirit huh...well drive back in the morning Kirsten: are-are you sure (raises eyebrows) Sandy: yeah, I mean it's not worth dyin over, I don't want either of you behind the wheel if you've ben drinkin (Kirsten closes her eyes) I love you (we hear the the sound to say Sandy has hung up, and in the background we can hear Carters shower running. Kirsten hangs up the phone - we then see Trey and Sandy in the car again) Trey: (looks at Sandy) you know I gotta tell you somethin...I don't know to many men who'd let their wives spend the night with another guy...no less suggest it Sandy: how many men you know'a ben married for twenty years (we then see Kirsten sitting on the bed in the room, we can still hear the shower running in the background. Kirsten looks as though she's struggling to keep it together. she looks over and sees herself in the mirror, that is interrupted by a knock at the door. Kirsten gets off the bed and goes to the door to open it. the woman from earlier is standing there) W: I'm sorry to disturb you Kirsten: oh your not, its fine (smiles) W: I was able to locate a car if you still needed one Kirsten: oh, uh (looks back into the room, then back at the woman) that's (frowns, unsure) can I call you W: certainly (hands Kirsten a card) the numbers on the back if you'd like to call directly Kirsten: thankyou (smiles) (Kirsten takes a deep breath and shuts the door) CUT TO: The comic book party - Reed, Seth and Summer are outside together. Summer looks bored out of her mind. Damon is standing up, talking Damon: you know I-I jus think that...the cross promotional opportunities for Atomic County are endless w-we're talkin fast food ? action figures, NASCAR Seth: (suprised) NASCAR W: kids are really inta body sprays there days, I'm thinking a different scent for each character (Seth looks over whelmed) G: mm, it's never too early to start developing multimedia franchises Seth: (looks at the guy, dazed) right...what'do ya mean Damon: Atomic County online (Seth looks at him) video games Seth: my own video game Damon: this time next year why not a-Atomic County (thinks) TV show Seth: oooo (W smiles) ooo that's not so bad, with like- Summer: (touches Seth's shoulder, whispers) Seth Seth: (looks) yeah Summer: (whispers) I need ta talk to you Seth: (puts his finger up) wait one second (to Damon) do you think (Summer waits, not impressed) are you-are you talkin about like animation or are you talkin about live action Damon: why not a hybrid Seth: (taking it in) why not a hybrid Summer: (whispers) Seth (hits his shoulder) Seth: (puts a finger up, whispers) ok wait one second Summer: (grabs Seth's finger, mad) no you did not jus give me the finger (pulls Seth away) Seth: I didn't give you the finger Summer: Seth I want to go home now Seth: (clueless) why, are you not having fun Summer: no I'm not, these people are annoying (Zach walks up to Seth and Summer, Reed etc are hearing what Summer is saying about them) they think that they are so smart and they are so cool with their messy hair an their dirty clothes (screws up her face) that they bought that way (Seth sighs) they play their retro board games an they drink wine, for fun (frowns) eww (raises eyebrows) (Seth goes to say something) Reed: (stands) id like ta make a toast (Seth and Summer look over, Summer folds her arms, not happy) ta Seth an his subversive vision an those that inspire it, the real Little Miss Vixens of the world Damon: god save us all (everyone laughs. Summer just stands there as if she can't believe this is happening. Seth almost laughs, but Summer looks at him before walking off) Reed: here here Seth: what, its fun its fun its good time (Reed and Damon clink their glasses. Seth follows Summer who is walking away from him) Seth: I don't...see what you're so mad about, you didn't make any effort, god I asked ya like five times ta join the conver- Summer: (stops) hey Zach (Zach turns around) can I have a ride home Zach: yeah sure Summer: (relieved) thanks Seth: Zach, what're you...doing (Zach smiles, smugly) Summer: goodbye Cohen (Summer walks away, Zach looks at Seth for a second before joining her. Seth just stands there helplessly. Reed walks over) Reed: Seth we need you Seth: Summer wa- (Summer and Zach walk out of the gate, Summer looks back at Seth for a second. Zach again grins at Seth before shutting the gate) Reed: come on then (laughs) we're playing board games (pulls Seth away) Damon: (smiles) I smell Italian? Reed: oh stop (laughs) (Seth looks back in the direct of where Summer and Zach were) Damon: huh (laughs) Reed: (laughs) let's go everybody Seth: (un enthusiastically) what board games are we playing Reed: (yells) come on, we're going to the board room CUT TO: The vineyard - Kirsten is sitting on the edge of the bed. Carter comes out of the bathroom in a white robe Carter: (dries his hair) nothing like five star water pressure (sighs, sits on the bed) you ok Kirsten: uh yeah I just uh, a little it's the wine (laughs) Carter: (points) there's a...hers bathrobe an some fuzzy slippers in the closet (softly) you wanna um uh (looks at Kirsten) take a shower Kirsten: (looks at Carter) Carter...(Carter looks at her) ...uh they found a car for us Carter: (almost disappointed) oh...well that's a good thing, right Kirsten: (looks at Carter) I need to go home Carter: (nods) yeah, ok (sniffs) ill go get dressed (smiles) (Carter goes back into the bathroom and Kirsten looks confused) CUT TO: The water polo party - we see kids dancing, drinking having a good time. then we see Marissa leaning up against a door way, she appears to be watching someone. Ryan comes up next to her Ryan: what's happening Marissa: (looks at Ryan) there outside (shrugs) talking (Ryan walks away just as Jess comes over) Jess: open your hand (Marissa holds her hand out) one at a time, an drink tons'a water (Marissa looks at her) oh an stay away from the THB on this, trust me Marissa: its eighty right (smiles) Jess: Kyle thinks your cute so he only wants sixty, an an introduction (Marissa smiles) (grabs Marissa's hand) come on (as Jess pulls Marissa away, Marissa looks back at where Ryan was. Ryan appears a few seconds later. keeping an eye on them. he makes a phone call. we see Trey and Sandy in the car together and Sandy's phone rings) Sandy: (answers) Ryan...reinforcements are on there way...you be careful (hangs up) Trey: (looks at Sandy) what'd he say Sandy: (nods) we're on (Sandy goes to get out of the car - we then see Jess leading Marissa down the beach a little to Kyle. Jess gives Kyle a big kiss, smiles then touches Marissa's hand friendly' as she walks away. Marissa is now alone with Kyle, and she looks uncomfortable. Kyle looks at her) Marissa: uh hey look I jus wanted ta thankyou for hooking me up (Kyle makes an 'and' motion) but I kind'a (nervous laugh) have a boyfriend so Kyle: (moves closer) I kinda don't care (Marissa starts looking worried. Ryan comes over) Ryan: (yells) hey, back off man she's with me Kyle: (looks at Ryan) you need to get outta here bitch, this is a private party (we hear police sirens) Ryan: well hope you enjoyed it, it's probably gonna be your last (Kyle looks down the beach, and we see the police car driving up) Ryan: (to Marissa) go back inside Kyle: (angry) you're a narc (punches Ryan) (Marissa sees, and looks worried - Ryan gets up and punches Kyle back, then punches him in the stomach. Ryan forces Kyle down onto the sand and holds him there. the police pull up just as he does. Marissa looks over at the police. Tom gets out of the car and heads over to Ryan. we hear 'stay where you are' over the police speaker. Marissa looks over at Ryan and Kyle. we see Ryan still on top of Kyle. Kyle has a bloody nose, and looks out of it. the head lights of the police car are shining on him. Kyle pushes Ryan off of him and gets up. Marissa watches as Kyle tries to run. another police car pulls up and just as Kyle runs passed the door swings open and hits him, stopping him in his tracks so to speak. two police officers run over to arrest Kyle just as Trey gets out of the open door) Tom: (walks over to Trey) this is the kid you saw last week Trey: yeah, this is him (Sandy gets out of the police car) Trey: (to Ryan) you alright (we see that Ryan has a bloody nose, like Kyle) Ryan: (wipes his nose) gettin use to it &l	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "02x20 - The O.C. Confidential"}	foreverdreaming
Seth: (frowns) I don't believe it Ryan, Bright Eyes has two albums in the top ten Ryan: you ok with that Seth: yeah I jus feel like the rest of the worlds finally caught up to me (frowns) it's a little bit scary Ryan: yeah its alot scary Seth: (looks at Ryan, vulnerable) tell me I'm still special (Ryan continues making his breakfast. the phone rings and Seth answers it) Seth: hello (we see an older lady with her back to the camera, she turns around as she speaks and we can see that it's "The Nana" aka Sophie Cohen) Sophie: Setheleh (smiles) Seth: Nanaleh (smiles) how you feeling Sophie: oh if you were all that interested you would'a called me, an would it kll ya to cash that birthday cheque I sent ya (off screen) I'm finished sending ya things Seth: (listens) ok, I'm sorry, I forgot Sophie: make my life very difficult Seth: no I'm sure that twenty dollars outstanding has the bank jus goin crazy Sophie: yeah, smart ass, where's your father (we see Kirsten walk into the kitchen) Seth: (looks around) I don't know where- Kirsten: who is it Seth Seth: actually my mom jus (Sophie takes the phone away from her ear, and doesn't look keen) came in if you wanna talk to her (to Kirsten softly) it's The Nana (Kirsten looks at Seth and mouths "no" while shaking her finger. Seth looks at Kirsten as if to say 'what do you want me to do'. Sandy walks into the kitchen) Seth: (into the phone) hellooo my dad jus showed up, awkward family moment avoided for...everyone but me, love you Sophie: yeah, you could'a fooled me Seth: (whispers) its The Nana (hands Sandy the phone) Sandy: oh (into the phone, loudly) Ma (smiles) hey, how are ya (leaves the room) Seth: (frowns) why'does he always get so much louder when he talks to her Kirsten: there a family of screamers (we can hear Sandy still talking in the background) Ryan: how's the grandma feelin Seth: (looks at Ryan) The Nana (points) Ryan please, grandma evokes home made cookies an knitting an someone who's actually nice to you Kirsten: The Nana (shakes her head) definitely not nice to you, or me (smiles) but she's doing great (looks at Ryan) full remission (Ryan nods) Seth: which confirms my suspicion (points) that she is in fact immortal (Sandy comes back in, still on the phone) Sandy: what so soon...oh my god Ma (Kirsten looks at him) eh- let me call ya back (Seth looks at him) (hangs up) Kirsten: what happened Seth: is everything alright Sandy: ...The Nana...headed for the altar (Seth smiles, suprised) Kirsten: (almost laughing) she's getting married Sandy: pack your bags we're goin'a Miami (Sandy leaves the room, Ryan frowns) Seth: alright, shuffle board mahjong, dinner four (points) its gonna be the best spring break ever Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Pool house - Seth opens the door and walks in Seth: (almost Jamaican accent) hey man (Ryan is sitting on the edge of his bed, putting his shoes on) Seth: now I know you think your excited about Miami, but I cannot wait (Ryan puts his head back then stands) for you to meet the guys at Nanas condo, we got Abe, we got Stu, we got Stanley (thinks) although I think Stanley may have...passed on, he had a prostate thing, I hope- Ryan: ah-huh (raises the blind) I can't go Seth: what (looks at Ryan) why not Ryan: cause (shrugs) you know everything with me an Marissa (raises another blind) Seth: is awesome Ryan: fine ok, but you know, there's Trey Seth: who's also doing awesome (points) Ryan (shakes his head) face it you got not excuses (Ryan looks at him before raising another blind) everything's great you deserve a vacation (points to himself) we actually deserve a vacation Ryan, an it would mean alot to my dad Ryan: (looks at Seth) yeah, yeah he is kinda worked up Seth: he's gonna need some company Ryan: well, he's got you (hits Seth on the side of the arm) Seth: I can't man my schedules all booked up (Ryan listens while he raises another blind) I got pinochle with the ladies on Saturday (Ryan looks at him, raises his eyebrows) bridge Sunday with the fellas (Ryan nods) still gotta call an see if I can get on that bingo cruise, that's gonna be freakin awesome Ryan: (looks at Seth) what about you an Summer Seth: I'm gonna go over there (folds his arms) I'm gonna apologise, extremely sincerely...an then I'm gonna get outta town before I can do anything else wrong (Ryan looks at him) what'do you say (softly) Miami (a little louder) Miami (questioning tone) Miami (confident tone) Miami Miami (Ryan looks as though he's caving) Miami (smiles) Miami (makes like a sun with his hands then folds his arms again) Ryan: (slight nod, smiles) Miami Seth: (smiles) Mi-ami (claps) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Sandy is on the laptop looking panicked and Kirsten walks in Sandy: honey (turns around, Kirsten walks over) d'you have my American Advantage number I'm on AA dot com an I'm-I'm tryin'a use my (Kirsten puts her hand on his shoulder, listening) miles to upgrade, you know me I-I I hate sittin in the middle Kirsten: oh it's in my purse (walks towards the bed) but what's the rush sweetie, it's not like she's getting married tomorrow Sandy: well I know its just I love my mother...but who else would Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) that's terrible Sandy: you wouldn't say the same thing about your dad Kirsten: (smiles) you make a good point Sandy: you know its jus she was so happy on the phone (Kirsten walks back over with what Sandy wanted) I jus wanna make sure everything works out for her, great, you know especially after the year she's had Kirsten: (leaning over and looking admiringly at Sandy) you...are a good son Sandy: (raises eyebrows) oh yeah, how bout husband Kirsten: (smiles) definitely top five (kisses Sandy's head) CUT TO: Treys apartment - Trey comes out of the bedroom on the phone, looking sleepy Trey: Miami huh (off screen) well have a hell of a time man (we see Ryan drop some clothes on top of a bag, then the camera pans up to show he's on the phone) Ryan: (sighs) thanks, you'll be alright Trey: don't worry mom ill be fine (sits, we hear a knock at the door) uhh yo Ry look I gotta jump, I probably the land lord complainin about somethin (stands to go to the door) yeah...alright have fun, see ya (hangs up the phone and opens the door, we cant see who's at the door yet) (stares) definitely not the land lord (we then see Jess standing there in a bikini top) Jess: (looks at Trey) hey you (Trey moves aside so Jess can go in. he reaches his hand over her head to shut the door) Jess: so (Trey raises his eyebrow) I jus wanted to come by to say thanks again (puts her head on the side) for not selling me out, have you met Don Julio (raises eyebrows and holds up a bottle with a red bow on it) Trey: (laughs) yeah me an uh (takes the bottle) Don go way back...thanks for the gift Jess: oh that's not the gift (motions with her head then walks away) I figure (Trey looks at her) guys ben in prison for eighteen months (looks at Trey over her shoulder) probably got pretty lonely (Jess puts her hands on both ties that are her holding her bikini top on, one near her neck and the other on her back. the camera sht changes and all we can see are Jess' feet, then the bikini top falls and lands next to them. camera changes again and we see Jess' bare back and a small sexy smile from her before she continues walking up the hallway) Trey: you have no idea (Trey follows Jess then the camera sht changes again. we are level with the floor and we see Jess' feet almost at the bedroom door, and her bikini top is out of focus in the foreground) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - we see a black and white punching bag being punched by 2 white gloves, the camera gradually turns to show that Summer is the one doing the boxing/punching, and she is very aggressive and focused. we can also hear the start of the song 'eye of the tiger'. Seth opens Summers door and sees her boxing Seth: hey Summer (Summer looks at him) busy (Summer spits her mouth guard out onto the floor {gross btw} Summer: (frowns) what'do you want Cohen Seth: (walks in) ta...talk (turns off the song) Summer: (punches) yeah (motions) hold my bag Seth: (behind the bag) anything for my million dollar baby (Summer punches the bag, unimpressed. Seth flinches {lol) Seth: um so look (looks at Summer) I jus came to apologise Summer: (looks at Seth) why (punch) because I was (punch) (clenches her teeth) humiliated in front of all of your (punch) oh so hip super dorked out (mocking tone) indie music loving comic book geeks (raises eyebrows, punch) who looked at me like I was some (looks at Seth) dim wit Orange County (punch) ho Seth: uh yeah (nods) (Summer glares at him) but that was never my intention, ok (sincerely) I really only wanted you there to be apart of everything with me Summer: look there's no point in you apologising because (matter of factly) you can no longer make me upset Seth: your just (shrugs) immune ta my charms (raises eyebrows) Summer: working on it (knocks her gloves together trying to look tough) (softens) but you know what I could use...a time out (looks at Seth) Seth: (looks shocked) oh...ok, well you know good that actually (Summer looks down) cause that's good timing cause I'm headed to Miami ta...see The Nana so Summer: well perfect (looks at Seth) yeah go to Miami, get wasted an wind up on music video nations spring break special Seth: it's actually nothing like that, the only thing I'm gonna be drinkin is metamucil Summer: oh yeah, like I'm gonna believe that (Seth looks at her) look jus go, go sew your oats (shrugs) get all of your Cohen-y Cohen-ish Cohen-isms out of your system (grins) Seth: an when I get back Summer: (closes her eyes then looks at Seth) we'll see (Seth leaves the room and we hear the door shut. Summer screws her face up and punches the bag, hard) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Ryan opens the door and walks in. Marissa is over near the end of her bed, she turns around and sees him Marissa: (smiles) hi Ryan: wow (shuts the door) hey (smiles) (Marissa and Ryan move closer to each other, Marissa puts her hands around Ryan's neck) Marissa: so just imagine (they kiss) Ryan: mm Marissa: a whole weekend (kissing) of nothing (kissing) but this Ryan: (pulls away) if you can jus hold that thought till like next weekend Marissa: (pushes Ryan onto the bed) why (leans against the bed post) you going somewhere (smiles) Ryan: uh...yeah actually (looks at Marissa) Miami Marissa: oh...South Beach for a little spring break action (shrugs) (raises eyebrows) meet some college girls Ryan: not quite I'm uh goin with Seth and Sandy to see The Nana Marissa: oooooh that's really sweet, that'll be fun (gets on the bed next to Ryan) Ryan: yeah no it will be its jus (frowns, turns to face Marissa) I don't know I feel kinda weird leaving Trey here by himself Marissa: I can hang out with him Ryan: yeah, really cause I was kinda gonna help him find a job (raises eyebrows, hopeful) Marissa: (laughs) I got it covered Ryan: (smiles) thanks I owe you (kisses Marissa) Marissa: mm, yes, you do, you do owe me (moves on top of Ryan) a whole weekend (smiles) of nothing (kisses Ryan) but this (more kissing) (after a few seconds Ryan moves himself so Marissa is lying on the bed, and he's on top of her, still making out) Ryan: (stops and looks at Marissa) that I can do (they continue kissing) CUT TO: Cohen house - Sandy and Kirsten come out of the bedroom and make their way to the front door. Sandy is holding his bag for Miami Sandy: (worried) alright now you got all the numbers, my cell phone, the Fontainebleau {sounds like fountainblue} (Kirsten smiles) The Nana Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) I got the numbers Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) you remember how to set the-the alarm to no delay Kirsten: (nods) mm-hmm Sandy: an if the alarm goes off the code word is Kirsten: grease lightening, I got it! Sandy: d-do you need any cash Kirsten: I have plenty of money Sandy: (thinks) I gassed up your car Kirsten: (humouring Sandy) which I so appreciate Sandy: are you gonna be fine Kirsten: ill be fine Sandy: I love you (kisses Kirsten) Kirsten: mm (frowns) the question is, are you gonna be ok (folds her arms) Sandy: oh yeah (we now see Ryan and Seth outside with the cab. Ryan opens the boot and he and Seth put their bags in. Sandy and Kirsten come out of the front door) Sandy: (calls) fellas, you got everything Seth: (thinks) uh I got my cardigan, my orthopedic shoes an my humidifier, now take me to my people (puts his hands out and hugs Kirsten) Kirsten: (pats Seth's back) bye Seth: bye (goes to the cab) Kirsten: (to Ryan) bye (hugs Ryan and pats his back) Ryan: bye bye (goes to the cab) (Kirsten and Sandy are now facing each other. Sandy kisses Kirsten on the cheek, Kirsten kisses Sandy on the cheek. we hear the engine start up on the cab. Kirsten takes a deep breath, and Sandy gets in the cab. we see the cab drive off and Kirsten watches for a second - the next thing we see is Kirsten coming back in the front door, into an empty, quiet house. she looks a little lost/lonely. she looks over at the phone and picks it up, she dials a number and puts the phone to her ear) Kirsten: is Carter in the office CUT TO: Miami - we see a sht of the plane taking off, but the camera is positioned so that we see the underside of the plane as it moves towards the top of screen. {it's the opposite of an aerial sht, whatever that is called! lol} we then see a big wall thing with MIMI BEACH in gold letters, underneath that is a thermometer of some sort. the needle is sitting at 85. this fades to a beautiful sht of the coast. ocean on the left and the beach on the right. this then changes to a black car driving passed. the car stops outside of a building that has Fontainebleau displayed in big silver letters. Sandy is sitting in the front and Ryan and Seth are in the back seat. Ryan and Seth get out Ryan: whoa Sandy: (gets out) in the immortal words'a Will Smith, thankyou (takes something from a worker) welcome to Miami (Ryan slightly smiles) Seth: (frowns) theres too many...young tan healthy people here uh I don't like it Sandy: well let's check in anyway, hey who wants some dinner Ryan: yeah Seth: (points) its four pm in Orange County, they put us on the early bird circuit CUT TO: The Newport Group - Carter is reading a magazine in Kirsten's office and Kirsten walks in, enthusiastically Kirsten: hey Carter: hey (puts the magazine down) Kirsten: I have the weekend ta myself (puts briefcase down on the desk) I thought we could, roll up our sleeves really dig in an maybe even get (looks at Carter) a few issues ahead Carter: well id...hold onta that thought if I were you (Kirsten listens) turns out Newport Living which I thought would be the last nail in the coffin that is my career is actually (raises eyebrows) the thing that saved it Kirsten: (turns and looks at Carter, impressed) you got another job offer (Carter sighs) well Carter that's...great (smiles) Carter: thanks (Kirsten turns so her back is facing Carter, and her smile goes) Carter: yeah so I-I fly out on Monday Kirsten: (turns around, shocked) fly out where Carter: New York, that's where the job is an there...relocating me Kirsten: (sinks in) you're leaving (raises eyebrows) Carter: I am (raises eyebrows) (Kirsten turns away again) but my publisher (moves closer to Kirsten) is uh lining up someone to replace me, you know someone who is smarter an better at this then I am, so (sighs) I hope you don't...think I'm jumping ship Kirsten: (turns around) because you are (Carter and Kirsten both smile) Kirsten: it's really...great (nods) (Carters smile fades, as does Kirsten's. they look at each other for a second and Carter puts his arms out for a hug. Kirsten doesn't hold Carter very tight with her hands, but she closes her eyes and that says it all) Carter: I was thinking we could have (Kirsten opens her eyes) a farewell dinner Kirsten: (pulls away) you know what, we should Carter: great, ill make a reservation at Arches Kirsten: or you could come...by the house tomorrow (smiles) ill cook (laughs) CUT TO: Miami outside at night - Ryan, Sandy and Seth are walking, and there are fluorescent signs around them Ryan: man, I thought Newport was nice whoo Sandy: this is somethin huh Seth: yeah...if you're a fan of the...vibrant night life, hey why can't we go see The Nana tonight Sandy: well you know The Nana an her schedule, Friday nights mahjong Seth: (suprised) what Sandy: yeah (nods) Seth: since when is Friday night mahjong, that totally throws off my schedule Sandy: breathe it in boys, we got a weekend away with nothin to worry about (Ryan looks at him) CUT TO: Treys apartment - Marissa walks up and rings the doorbell then waits. Trey answers the door shirtless, and with what looks like only a blanket or towel wrapped around his lower half Marissa: (suprised) oh, hey, sorry Trey: Marissa what-what's up, Ryan took off for Miami huh Marissa: yeah uh so I jus wanted you ta know that while he's gone (shrugs) I'm here Trey: cool (smiles) uh (Marissa smiles) you know you don't have to if you don't want to Marissa: no, I want to...an you know I thought maybe tomorrow we could go job hunting Trey: that...sounds great (nods) i thought with Ryan gone I was gonna be all alone in Newport Marissa: no, not on my watch, so ill see you (shrugs) tomorrow Trey: cant wait (Marissa walks over to her car. Trey goes back inside and shuts the door. he walks over to the curtains and looks out at Marissa. Marissa waves and smiles at Trey from the car. Trey puts his hand up to Marissa and does a small wave back. Jess walks up behind Trey. we see Marissa start to reverse out) Jess: you an Marissa Cooper (Trey looks at her, then back out the window) yeah right (walks over to the couch) Trey: (still looking out the window) it's not like that Jess: (sits on the couch) sure isn't (almost laughing) not in this life time...or this town (snorts a line of coke that is laid out on the coffee table) (we then see Marissa driving down the road. Trey watches then pulls the curtain back across) CUT TO: Miami - in this scene we see different shts of Miami as full shts, then they shrink down to a medium size square until there are four different squares filling the screen. the first is a tanned girl sun baking the second is a bunch of flamingos, a baseball player throwing a ball and finally a close up of several tanned legs and hands sun baking. these 4 squares split to reveal 2 bikini clad women rollerblading - now we are outside at the place where The Nana lives. there are 3 old men sitting at a table together. {these names may be wrong because Seth doesn't actually refer to any one of them by name so this is just a guess} Abe: your move (points to Stanley) Stu: (taps Abe) you playin with him (points) Abe: yeah I'm playin with him Stu: I thought you were playin with me (points to himself) Abe: I'm playin with him (points at Stanley) Stu: no I-I jus I jus moved (Seth, Sandy and Ryan walk up) Seth: now we're talking (puts on thick black glasses) (old guy voice) Abe, Stu, Stanley Stu: hey, look who's here Seth: how are ya Abe: terrible Stu: worse, worse Stanley: how's your nervous stomach, you still got spilkas Stu: why don't you have a seat Seth: (sits) ahhhhh Stanley: you need my heating pad Seth: backs a little sore, backs a little sore (Sandy and Ryan are watching, fascinated) Sandy: alright, now I'm officially terrified Ryan: he-he doesn't have this many friends at school (points) (the camera pans and shows Sophie standing near by) Sophie: so they do fly airplanes from Orange County to Miami, I wouldn't know I see so little of you Sandy: Ma (kisses Sophie then they hug) ahhh you look better then ever Sophie: (smiles) yeah (raises eyebrows) getting married Sandy: (nods) you remember Ryan (points) Sophie: course who would forget with those arms (Ryan smiles) (hugs Ryan) you know if I weren't engaged, oooh (Ryan laughs) ah there's my grandson (walks over to Seth) hello boobeleh Seth: (stands) helloo Nana Sophie: (kisses Seth's cheek) mwa (hugs Seth) I want you to tell me everything (looks at Seth) that's gone on for you this whole last year Seth: ooooh (laughs) I can barely remember what I had for dinner last night, please at the same time: Stanley: welcome to the club Abe: me too (Seth goes and sits back down with the 'guys' Sophie walks back over to Sandy and Ryan) Sophie: you wanna talk Sandy: sure I do (to Ryan) you keep an eye on him make sure he doesn't die of old age, huh (Sandy and Sophie walk off together. Ryan watches Seth) Seth: (points to a cup) is this metamucil malted CUT TO: The Nanas house? - Sophie takes her lunch over to the table, where Sandy is sitting with his lunch Sophie: Kirsten couldn't make it Sandy: well, she wanted to Sophie: ah-huh, so how are things with you two (sits) Sandy: ...ta be honest, they've ben better Sophie: (looks at Sandy and touches his hand) you two will work it out (raises eyebrows) Sandy: wow, since when did you become such a romantic Sophie: falling in love will do that to you (Sandy looks at her) speaking of which (stands) I have photos from the place where we're holding the ceremony (picks up the photos) in June so you should book your tickets now Sandy: whoa June what's the rush, pregnant Sophie: (fake laughs) very funny, listen you go through a year like I did, you don't wanna waste any time...besides, I wanna move before the summer storms ht Sandy: (suprised) you're moving Sophie: (nods) yeah, Bobby is twelve years my junior this place skews a little old for him, we're gonna move ta the condo you bought me in Sarasota Sandy: well finally, it was meant ta be lived in Sophie: Bobby flipped when he saw it Sandy: beach front, unbeatable location why wouldn't he (looks at Sophie) Sophie: ...I know what you're thinking Sanford...an cynicism is a Cohen family trait Sandy: yeah, well I learned from the master Sophie: yeah well...none the less, he's a good guy, an he can move his practice anywhere, everybody always needs a good chiropractor (Sandy looks at her, worried) not another word (points) Sandy: (looks down) I can't wait to meet him Sophie: very good, eat your lunch Sandy: yes Ma CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer is punching her punching bag again, very focused on what she's doing. we can hear eye of the tiger softly this time because she is listening to it through earphones. Summer is punching the bag with her back facing the door. Zach walks in and sees her Zach: (smiles) Summer (Summer continues punching, she doesn't realise Zach is there) Zach: (shuts the door) hey (touches Summers shoulder) Summer (Summer hits the punching bag twice then turns around and punches Zach right in the face. Zach knocks into the wall) Zach: ooooooh Summer: (kneels down, muffled scream) mmm (spits the mouth guard out on the floor {again, gross!} (sucks saliva back) oh god (takes out the earphones) Zach I'm so sorry (wipes her mouth with her arm) are you ok (Zach holds his jaw) I was in a rage black out my therapist told me that boxing might help me work through it Zach: (frowns, still holding his jaw) I came over to see uh if you were ok after the other night Summer: I'm in gym clothes an my hair is in French braids (points) so I'm terrible (sighs) Cohen an I are on time out Zach: (lets go of his jaw) oh Summer: he went off to Miami to I'm sure party it up like he always does this time'a year when we're on a time out Zach: well are you to full'a rage ta hang out...maybe come over for dinner Summer: (closes her eyes) no offence Zach but hanging with your family (opens her eyes, shakes her head) couldn't sound worse Zach: oh no I totally understand, um, there in Aspen for an economics conference (smiles) Summer: (relieved) ah Zach: come on, ill cook, Italian (smiles) Francesca gave me a great recipe (Summer smiles at him) CUT TO: Miami - Seth is playing shuffle board with an old guy, and he's beating him. the old guy pushes his piece {or whatever it is you do in this game,lol} his black piece thingy knocks Seths yellow one into square 7 while his piece lands completely outside of the triangle Seth: oooooh, choke (points) si'down (we see that the old guy he just told to 'si'down' is in a wheelchair!) Seth: sorry figure'a speech (slightly feminine tone) victory lap (runs off with his shuffleboard stick) (the guy in the wheel chair leaves. Seth runs passed the spectator's proudly high fiving each one) Seth: my people (throws his hands in the air) Stanley: you cleaned his clock (points) (Seth nods) Stu: not that he'll pay up, that cheap bastard (Ryan comes over {he's looking pretty hot in his wife beater!}) Ryan: hey Seth what'do you say, y-you ready to roll (points to himself) cause I'm really hungry Stu: hey, I'm famished too Seth: doesn't seem like there's anybody left to bat so why don't we go inta the dining hall, we're gonna have lunch (points to himself) my treat (Abe Stu and Stanley cheer and shake Seth and Ryan's hands. a girl and her grandma are standing a little behind them) Mary Sue: can I get in on the action (Seth and Ryan look over) Mary Sue: (walks over) Mary Sue (smiles) nice to meet you (points) this is my grandma Mary Ellen at the same time: Seth: hello Ryan: hello (they both wave, grandma waves back) Ryan: uh (looks at Seth) actually we were gonna go eat uh right Seth: yeah well your here, you like food? Mary Sue: (puts up a finger) one round Seth: (nods) sure, sure should jus take a second, ok (points with his stick) rack them sir CUT TO: The Bait Shop - Marissa is inside walking around, she appears to be waiting for someone. she breathes out and then we hear a door open in the background. Trey comes out of a door and Marissa turns around Marissa: hey, how'd it go Trey: (holds his arms out) my dreams come true (holds up a Bait Shop shirt) I'm cleaning toilets Marissa: y-you got it Trey: I start tomorrow Marissa: oh that's great (hugs Trey) (Trey looks thrown but happy by the hug. Marissa smiles at him) Trey: uh so we uh we gotta celebrate, tonight ok (Marissa shrugs) I will make margaritas Marissa: um ill bring the guacamole Trey: sounds like a...party (Marissa smiles, shrugs) but uh I gotta stay here fill out some paper work so...ill see you tonight uh Marissa: ok (shrugs, smiles) Trey: an hey thanks...feel like my life's comin together Marissa: hey I'm happy to help, so uh ill see you later (nods) (Marissa leaves and Trey watches her go) CUT TO: Miami - Mary Sue does her shuffle board move thingy and her yellow piece knocks Seth's black piece out the spot marked 7. Ryan is standing there watching, and sipping his drink. Seth watches in disbelief. Mary Sue jumps up and down, excited. the guy in the wheel chair also puts his fist in the air, happy that Seth was beaten Mary Sue: (dances then stops) I do believe we have a new shuffle board champion (hugs her grandma) Seth: (stunned) cant believe she bat me Ryan: I can, can we eat now Seth: absolutely not (looks at Ryan) I wont go down like that (Ryan looks away) these people look up to me, I'm like a god to them Mary Sue: you uh wanna lose again Seth: I wanna play again (points with his stick) only this time why don't we make it interesting (puts his hands out) little wager (Mary Sue looks at him) you wanna do money, you wanna do food...you want me to streak naked through the bingo hall Mary Sue: actually uh...I do need a partner Seth: a partner Ryan: (walks over) uh what kind of partner Mary Sue: well see besides being down here to visit my grandma (smiles) I entered into a dance contest Seth: (takes off his glasses, frowns) a dance contest Mary Sue: for music video nation, for their (thinks) big - spring - break - special, an the winner gets five thousand dollars which...would really help with my college loans Seth: (nods) well that sounds very reasonable Mary Sue (puts on his glasses then whispers to Ryan) only move she's gettin outta me is a victory dance (Seth walks away and Ryan looks over his shoulder and watches him out of the corner of his eye) CUT TO: MVN's Sprung Break - Swerve is on the stage with a microphone, and a girl from Sherman Oaks: The Real Valley Swerve: (yells) what up, what up, what up (the crowd cheers) yeah (more cheers) my names Swerve, the host of MVN sp- sp- sprung break comin at'choo live from South Beach (puts his hand up) (we see a sht of the crowd going wild) Pixie: hi I'm Pixie one'a the stars of Sherman Oaks the real Valley Swerve: woooo (more cheers, screaming) a'ight a'ight I hope ya'll pumped up cause this next performers gonna be off the chain, an totally bananas oh bananas oh bananas, bring - em - out for my dawg from the dirty south...T I (on the platform we see a huge sign that reads SPRING BREAK in big white letters with black edging. underneath that in yellow is SOUTH BEACH. T.I walks out under the sign and starts performing. we see different shts of the crowd going wild, Swerve and Pixie getting into it etc. after a little while we see Seth, Mary Sue and Ryan making their way through the crowd) Seth: I don't know man?, I've never played anyone under eighty five before Ryan: right Mary Sue: um I think the registration tables over there (points) we need to sign in Seth: ok so what kinda dancin are we talkin about here, a little jazz step a little soft shoe Mary Sue: (stops) actually it's not quite a dance contest Seth: (looks at Mary Sue) it isn't Mary Sue: no (holds up a can of whipped cream and smiles then laughs) Ryan: (to Seth) she's got whipped cream Seth Seth: yeah I know (points) maybe she's bakin a cake Mary Sue: see I'm gonna cover myself in whipped cream (motions) an your gonna lick it all off (points to Seth) an eat a cherry outta my mouth before any of the other contestants (Ryan looks at the cream, then her) Seth: did she say cherry Mary Sue: if we win it would mean so much to my grandma (Seth looks at her) not havin to worry about my college loans (smiles) with all the money she spends on medication Seth: yeah (looks at Ryan, caving) (Mary Sue holds her hand out to Seth) (frowns) it's...her grandma (Ryan looks at him) (takes Mary Sue's hand) who does she have Ryan: (calls after Seth) yeah well jus...hope Summer hasn't paid her cable bill (we see Seth being led through the crowd by Mary Sue - we see more of T.I, the crowd, Swerve and Pixie etc) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Marissa's phone is ringing on her dresser, near a brush and hand mirror. Marissa picks up the phone and looks at who's calling, then smiles and answers Marissa: Ryan (in the background of Ryan we can hear the crowd) Ryan: (shouts) hello Marissa: hey, what's going on (sits on the bed) Ryan: ah it's um actually kind of a long story can you do me a favour, if you see Summer, could you please um keep her away from the television Marissa: (now lying down on her bed) well actually I was going over to Treys to celebrate (shrugs) he got a job Ryan: really, that's awesome! (a drunk girl goes over to Ryan) DG: they disqualified me from the wet t-shirt contest, but don't they look real (the girl lifts her top and shows Ryan + the crowd her chest. we don't see it, we only see Ryan + the crowds reaction. Ryan is stunned by what he's seeing. Marissa laughs, listening) Marissa: wait that wasn't The Nana was it DG: oh my god I'm gonna puke (puts her hand over her mouth and moves out of the sht) (the crowd makes noises as if they are grossed out. we hear the sounds of the drunk girl being sick. Ryan looks grossed out) Ryan: actually I'm uh...kinda wishin I was back home right now Marissa: yeah I'm...kinda wishin that too (Ryan listens) stay outta trouble ok Ryan: yeah, back at ya (hangs up) (Marissa smiles and then hangs up) CUT TO: Zach's house - Zach is in the kitchen cooking, wearing a chef's hat and he has flour smudged on his cheek. Summer is in there with him Summer: wow it's like a regular olive garden around here Zach: (accent) bonjourno Summer Summer: (laughs) so, what is (reads) ganochie Zach: I don't know, I'm making gnocchi...you've never had gnocchi before Summer: (shakes her head, laughs) no I've never head of it until like five seconds ago, how do you say it Zach: (looks at Summer) gnocchi {pronounced ny-o-ke} Summer: gnocchi Zach: (looks at Summer) bellisimo (Summer laughs) (laughs) listen I'm gonna be a while so I'm gonna turn on the TV here (turns on TV with remote) Summer: (looks over) ah MVN spring break special (on the TV we see Swerve and Pixie, and the crowd going wild etc) Zach: per-fecto (Summer looks at him) (smiles) I took the Italian thing a little to far there didn't I Summer: yeah (nods) you had me at bonjourno (Zach smiles then looks away) thanks for having me over (frowns, shakes her head) an don't worry I wont talk about Cohen Zach: oh Cohen or no Cohen I'm jus here for the gnocchi (smiles) (Summer smiles then looks over at the TV. Zach looks at Summer admiringly) CUT TO: A restaurant of some sort - Sophie and Sandy walk in together Sophie: I really want you to like him Sandy Sandy: oh, me too Ma, me too Sophie: (smiles) there he is (Bobby is waiting at a table by himself. when he sees Sandy and Sophie he stands) Sandy: hey Sandy Cohen (shakes Bobby's hand) pleasure Bobby: Bobby Mills (smiles) heard alot about ya, hey sweetie (kisses Sophie) it's unbelievable, you look way too young to have a son this old (laughs) hey no offense Sandy: why would I be offended (looks at Bobby) Sophie: I have'ta tinkle so you two have alot to talk about, mainly me (smiles) (Sandy smiles then it goes) Bobby: she's a great lady huh, your mom, what a pstol (laughs) Sandy: I always thought of it as more of an AK forty seven (Bobby laughs) (sits) I gotta tell you Bobby since she's met you she has mellowed, my mother in love I never thought id see the day Bobby: she came inta my clinic, I cracked her back (smiles) an the rest is history (sits) Sandy: wow, that is so romantic, I'm jus so happy she's met a-a nice guy you know (sits forward) an honest guy Bobby: oh, well thankyou Sandy Sandy: no thankyou you know listen there're alotta guys out there, they see an older woman, not in perfect health, with a million dollar condo in her name (Bobby looks at him) well, we've all seen sixty minutes haven't we Bobby: well, I'm more a dateline guy, I like that Stone Philips Sandy: who doesn't (smiles) (Bobby looks at him) you know I was a public defender for many years an (shakes his head) my tendency is to be suspicious, it's a problem for me Bobby you know, I've got trust issues...I'm workin on it, I'm workin on it (looks at Bobby) but I got a ways to go Bobby: you can trust me Sandy Sandy: well that's what I figured (nods) you know so I tell my cop friends an my buddies at the FBI they say Sandy, Sandy (Bobby listens) let me run a background check on this guy (Bobby looks away) you know what I say (Bobby looks at him) I said nah (sits back) Sophie Cohen is still pretty sharp, if she trusts you...I trust you (Bobby nods) (Sophie comes back to the table. Bobby and Sandy stand) Sophie: great-great news they have fresh crab Sandy: oh they can't be better then Joes, Bobby, you like Joes stone crab Bobby: (looks at Sandy) yeah, I love em (Sandy nods) CUT TO: Treys apparent - Marissa is in the lounge room and Trey comes out of the kitchen holding a blender Marissa: I figured you've ben outta the loop for a while, you probably need to catch up on your movies (waves DVDs) Trey: margaritas (points to blender) an movies, sure (Marissa sits on the couch) what'do you got Marissa: ooooh (holds the movie to her chest) the best movie of like all time The Notebook Trey: (sits on the bean bag) you know I'm kinda more a sht em up type guy, where people like die Marissa: well James Garner doesn't fair so well Trey: hey, if it's your favourite movie, I'm in (hands Marissa a drink. Marissa smiles) a toast, to you, thankyou Marissa: ah to me, I like that toast (Marissa smiles and they clink cups. they both drink and the camera pans down to show the jug of margaritas) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - we see Kirsten holding a glass of wine in her hand. she picks it up and slowly takes a sip, then looks over at the table where it has 6 lit candles on it. it looks almost romantic. Kirsten is then startled by a timer going off, she puts down her wine glass and goes over to pick up a pan of food, she puts it down on the bench and then blows out a candle. just as she does this Carter appears in the doorway Carter: (knocks on the wood) hey (smiles) (Kirsten looks suprised) a little early Kirsten: its ok I-I jus finished (smiles) Carter: (raises eyebrows) you made all this Kirsten: it's amazing what I can do when I'm off work Carter: (looks at Kirsten) who knew Kirsten: (nervous laugh) ...would you like some wine (holds up a glass) CUT TO: Miami - Seth is back stage with Mary Sue, getting ready for the contest. other couples are there as well practicing, Seth frowns as he walks passed a guy licking his partners arm completely clean. Seth waves to Mary Sue Mary Sue: (laughs) hi Seth: um, I've ben doin like a little bit'a thinking (unsure) an you know I'm not so sure I'm the guy for this job Mary Sue: (frowns) your backin out on me Seth: no no no (looks away) its-its not that its jus you know (looks at Mary Sue) there's whipped cream...an I'm a little bit (raises eyebrows) lactose intolerant so Mary Sue: (frowns) but if you back out on me ill have no chance to win... (guilt trip) an grandma Mary Ellen won't pay her medical bills, an ill have'ta drop outta college Seth: (feels bad) well...I'm a fan'a medicate an education so (smiles) ok Mary Sue: (relieved laugh) thankyou, thankyou so much (nods) Seth: no worries (smiles) Mary Sue: (shy) its almost time to get ready Seth: (raises eyebrows) ok, what'do we do (raises eyebrows) (Mary Sue takes her dress off so she's only in her bikini, Seth watches and nods - we then change scenes to where Ryan walks over to the bar) Ryan: hey man, can I get a bottle'a water please (a guy standing on the left of Ryan starts talking to him. {the guy is completely straight faced and serious through this whole scene, however it is completely funny to watch!}) Guy: how you doin Ryan: (looks at the guy) eh I'm alright, you Guy: bad...can't find my girlfriend Ryan: yeah, lost her in a crowd Guy: lost her last night, she told me she was comin to Florida to see her grandma, but her best friend (raises eyebrows) told me she entered some contest down here, modestly revealin her body for money Ryan: (looks at the guy with wide eyes) oh well, spring break that does happen (smiles and takes a drink) Guy: doesn't happen where we're from Ryan: (looks at the Guy) where's that Guy: Bob Jones University (Ryan takes another drink) they find out what she's doin here, she'll be expelled, which wont matter when she's burnin in hell Ryan: (looks at the guy, slightly freaked out) mm yeah that's rough Guy: worse part is I think she's cheatin on me with whoever her partner in sin is (motions with his head) that's why I brought my boys with me Ryan: (looks) oh yeah, those your frat brothers Guy: bible study buddies (Ryan looks at him) we get a ahold'a who's corruptin her (raises eyebrows) gonna be judgment day for him (nods) an Mary Sue (Ryan has the water bottle in his mouth, and stops drinking when he hears that name. he looks shocked) Ryan: did you say Mary Sue (the guy nods and Ryan makes an 'of course it's her' expression. he then looks out the corner of his eye to the stage where the contest is about to begin. the lights go off and the crowd screams) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten is struggling to open a bottle of wine on the counter. Kirsten gives up and starts walking over to the table where Carter is sitting holding an empty bottle of wine Carter: this is scandalous I don't think I've ever finished a full bottle'a wine before dinner (laughs) Kirsten: is it a bad sign when you drink so much that you can't open a new bottle (laughs) Carter: yeah I think it means we should stop drinking (Kirsten looks at him) who're we kidding, here (Carter stands up and puts his hand on the bottle on top of Kirsten's, he uses his other hand to pull and the bottle opens. both of their hands are still grasping the bottle) Carter: there (slowly moves his hand off) Kirsten: (takes hers off) we definitely need to eat (Kirsten looks at Carter then goes over to the end of the counter. she looks as though she is struggling to keep it together) CUT TO: Miami - Sandy and Sophie are seated at a table together, outside by the pool Sophie: well it looks like the Fontainebleau an I seem to be aging nicely Sandy: yeah but the Fontainebleau has had alotta work done Sophie: (smiles) this au naturale thing is why I'm beating them off with a stick (Sandy smiles) speaking of which where is Bobby (getting worried) he should'a ben here by now Sandy: didn't he say he was gonna be uh stoppin off at his office (Sophie nods) how far is that from here Sophie: not all that far, I hope nothings wrong (we hear a cell phone ring, Sophie picks up her bag and pulls out her phone) Sandy: (suprised) look at Ma with a cell phone Sophie: I'm very hip (opens the phone) Sandy: I guess so Sophie: (squints) I jus cant read the buttons Sandy: let me see (looks then presses a button) Sophie: hello (relieved) Bobby where are you we're waiting for you (smiles goes) what (Sandy looks worried) a malpractice suite sweet heart that's terrible come over here so we can talk about it (Sandy drinks) the airport where're you going (Sandy looks at her) well how long before you think this thing blows over (frowns, while listening) I see...ok...goodbye (hangs up, stunned) Bobby wont be joining us Sandy: jus like that huh (Sophie looks at Sandy, Sandy looks at her) Sophie: (realises) what'did you say to him (Sandy looks away, not saying anything. Sophie looks at Sandy for a second before picking up her bag and leaving the table. Sandy is sitting there by himself) CUT TO: Treys apartment - we see fingers flipping a coin into an empty cup. then we see that Trey and Marissa are sitting at the coffee table, across from each other. Trey is the one who just flicked the coin. Marissa has her hand resting on her head, she's tipsy Trey: ooooh Marissa: oh, man, ok you 're way to good at this cause I've lost like (holds her cup up) ten times (laughs) in a row (drinks) Trey: (swallows) yeah well, I was all Chino (raises eyebrows) in drinking Marissa: yeah well I thought I was all Newport but clearly you're in a league of your own because (frowns) I'm...wow (laughs then sits up on the couch) Trey: maybe we should...watch that movie (Trey steps over the coffee table and flops down next to Marissa on the couch, they both laugh. Trey leans forward and picks up the remote then sits back and looks at Marissa. Marissa is looking down. Trey plays the movie then again looks at Marissa, she closes her eyes then watches the TV, she looks down then glances at Trey. Trey notices and looks at her again, Marissa smiles slightly then looks away and puts her hand on her neck. Trey again looks over at Marissa then he looks back at the TV) Marissa: you know maybe we should get some air first (looks at Trey) cause (swallows) I don't wanna fall asleep during the movie its-its really good Trey: uh (looks at Marissa then away) yeah, sure (looks at Marissa) ok (stands) lets do it (holds his hand out to Marissa and smiles) (Marissa looks at Trey and takes his hand, Trey helps her up off of the couch. they both laugh) Marissa: (a little out of it) ok yeah I uh I definitely need some air (opens the door) Trey: hey you know what, I will be right there (points) I jus need to grab my jacket Marissa: (moves her hand over her face, dazed) ok (Marissa goes out of the door and shuts it. Trey walks back in and starts heading to the far end of the room, then all of a sudden goes over to the couch. he throws a pillow aside and picks up a plastic bag that was hidden underneath it, he looks a little nervous and worried about being caught. he sits down on the couch, grabs his keys from the coffee table then puts his hand into the bag and looks at the door. he brings his hand out of the bag and up to his nose and sniffs back. while this is happening we can hear the screaming and cheering of the crowd in the next scene) CUT TO: Miami MVN Sprung Break - we see the crowd screaming and cheering then we hear/see Swerve on the stage with Pixie from earlier Swerve: (yells into the mic) this next contest, is dirty ya'll, it's off the chain an bananas oh bananas oh bananas oh bananas (crowd screams and cheers) come on Pixie: who likes whipped cream (crowd screams/cheers) Swerve: yeah Pixie: now lets see which of these four guys is truly - whipped (points) give it up you all Swerve: whoooo (there are 4 pink column type things on the stage, on top of each one is a can of whipped cream. the couples walk out and stand next to their cream. Seth and Mary Sue are the second couple and Seth does a small wave to the crowd) Swerve: bring em out...come on bring out the whipped cream, yeeeeeaaahhh (we see a guy spraying whipped cream over a girls bikini top. we then see another guy doing the same thing to Mary Sue. Seth is watching) Swerve: paint that body (everyone is still screaming) paint that body (in the crowd we see the guy from earlier still standing with Ryan, he's looking towards the stage and Ryan is looking worried - we see a nervous looking Mary Sue on stage, still being 'painted'. the guy is spraying the cream on her stomach now. Seth is still watching) Guy: (points) there she is (Ryan notices, and goes past the bible study buddies) Guy: its time to bring fre an brim stone down on her (points) an that skinny little sinner (we see Mary Sue still being covered in whipped cream. Seth is still watching. the guy is doing her back now, Seth nods. the guy finishes her back then puts the cherry in Mary Sue's mouth. Seth is looking at the crowd frowning) Swerve: whooo come on, winner gets five large, hot - chick - sundaes - go (puts his hand in the air) come on ya'll (we now see Seth and Mary Sue side on. he has his mouth completely on her stomach and he has whipped cream all over his face. this scene zooms out and we are then watching the contest through Zach's TV) CUT TO: Zach's kitchen - as I said the TV is showing the contest, and Summer and Zach are sitting at the table together completely oblivious Summer: (looks at Zach) oh my god, I love gnocchi (Zach smiles) it's like an Italian dumpling (shakes her head) what a concept Zach: (points) d'you want more, I made tons Summer: yeah, thanks (smiles) (Zach stands and takes Summers plate away to get her more gnocchi. Summer glances over at the TV) Summer: (frowns) oh eww, this is that event where you have'ta eat whipped cream off some girl, that is so disgusting what girl would agree to that, what guy would be pathetic enough ta humiliate himself on national television (raises eyebrows) (we see what Summer is seeing on the TV, which is Mary Sue still holding the cherry in her mouth, but the whipped cream is gone. on the left side of the screen is 'live' on the right is 'miami, fl' and down the bottom is a banner that reads 'SPRUNG BREAK' 05'. Seth pops up behind Mary Sue, his face is covered in whipped cream. he taps her on the shoulder urgently and she turns her head to face his. he prepares to take the cherry from her mouth as the crowd screams. Summer watches the screen then squints, taking a second look - we see the camera zoom in on Seth taking the cherry from Mary Sue's mouth. Seth puts his hand in the air triumphantly, and he has whipped cream on his forehead, the tip of his nose and all around his mouth. Mary Sue has a little on the corner of her mouth, from Seth. Summer frowns, disgusted just as Zach comes back in) Zach: I hope this is enough sauce um (Summer gets up from the table) I made a whole bunch so (Summer grabs Zach and kisses him urgently, Zach is thrown but happy) Zach: (smiles) I-I guess you liked the gnocchi (Summer doesn't say anything, she just puts her arms around Zach's neck and kisses him again) CUT TO: Miami - Swerve says something to the crowd but I can't understand what it is, sorry. Swerve goes over to Seth and Mary Sue. Pixie holds Seth's arm up in the air and he smiles, Swerve holds Mary Sues arm up in the air, on the other side. one of the other couples realise they lost and the guy stops licking the girl, disappointed. the crowd is still going wild. in the crowd we see Ryan pushing through, urgently Seth: (waves, with the cherry still in his mouth) hey Swerve (smiles) (Ryan urgently runs up onto the stage and over to Seth) Seth: (excited, mumbles) Ryan, we won Ryan: (touches Seth's arm) yeah now we gotta go (looks out at the crowd, worried) Seth: (eating the cherry) what Mary Sue: looks like my boyfriend (leaves the stage) Seth: (confused) your what (in the crowd a bouncer tries to stop the Guy and his bible study buddies from getting to the stage) Bouncer: whoa whoa contestants only (the guys push the bouncer out of the way and continues to the stage) Seth: (points) who are those guys Ryan: uh there-there in the same bible study class Seth: oh (points) well think we can convince em to turn the other cheek (the guys are now on the stage, heading towards Seth and Ryan) Guy: prepare to meet your maker (points) Seth: looks like not (Ryan is standing with his back to Seth, and all the bible study buddies surround them. Seth waves) CUT TO: The Nanas place - Sophie is sitting on the couch by herself, she looks upset. Sandy walks over, he looks helpless and lost Sandy: I'm sorry Ma (slowly sits next to Sophie) I was lookin out for you Sophie: (teary, looks at Sandy) I know...I guess part of me knew (raises eyebrows) I guess that's why I wanted you to come down here (sighs) I just...wanted to believe...I wasn't gonna be spending the rest of my life alone Sandy: I could extend my trip, spend some more time down here Sophie: (shakes her head) please sweetheart (touches Sandy's hand) you have someone you love back home (Sandy puts his hand on Sophie's) you should be with her (Sandy looks down) ...but it would be very nice if you visited your old mother a little more often Sandy: (smiles) alright (Sophie smiles) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Carter and Kirsten are both standing near the table with plates in their hands, they walk over to the counter Carter: I think that was the best meal I've ever had (puts his plate down) Kirsten: well I'm glad you liked it (smiles) ill...tell the chef Carter: well I thought I was telling the chef (looks at Kirsten) Kirsten: ok (looks at Carter) confession Carter: yeah Kirsten: I had the meal catered (smiles) I am the worlds worst cook Carter: (laughs) ah Kirsten: (laughs) mm-hmm yeah Carter: well ok but but...so you went to all this trouble, why blow your cover now Kirsten: (looks at Carter) well maybe it's the wi	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "02x21 - The Return of the Nana"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Cohen kitchen in the morning - Kirsten is in there by herself. she has a glass sitting on the counter with a little bit of tomato juice in it, she tops it up with vodka so that glass is roughly 1/4 full. she takes a drink and puts the glass down just as Sandy calls out to her Sandy: (calls off screen) Kirsten did the paper come today I can't find it Kirsten: (panics, calls out) uh yeah I put it on the couch in the living room (puts the vodka back in the fridge) Sandy: ah (picks up the paper) hey d'you think I look at all like Tony Blair Kirsten: uh, you have nicer hair Sandy: thankyou, good hair Kirsten: mm-hmm (drinks vodka/tomato juice) Sandy: leader of Great Britain, I would call that a wash Kirsten: (nods) mm-hmm Sandy: what you drinkin Kirsten: (puts the glass down) oh tomato juice, lots of antioxidants (puts the lid on the juice) Sandy: so what d'you think of this...Palm Springs Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) Palm Springs Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) this weekend, you (points) me...an the desert (raises eyebrows) Kirsten: (reluctant) uh Sandy, I-I know we talked about a weekend but right now- (Ryan and Seth come in) Ryan: (to Seth) hey ya asked for my opinion, remember (to Sandy and Kirsten) morning Seth: yeah but (puts his arms out) I jus really wanted you to agree with me man, morning Sandy: morning (looks at Seth) what's up Seth: (frowns) well, today's the first day back from spring break and I was planning on telling Summer, about that little...misunderstanding in Miami (raises eyebrows) Sandy: (while reading the paper) where you licked the whipped cream off the girls naked stomach (looks at Seth) an ate the cheery out of her mouth Kirsten: an why are you gonna tell her again Seth: (screws up his face) because I have a conscience Ryan: and it'll be on national television so she'll find out sooner or later (Seth points at him as if to say 'see') Sandy: look I know the idea of telling her is scary but th- believe me when you start hiding things (Kirsten looks as though she feels guilty, holding her 'vodka/tomato juice) that's when the trouble starts Ryan: alright let's go, we're late (pushes Seth's shoulder) come on (Ryan and Seth leave the kitchen) Sandy: well, there goes the weekend Kirsten: ...unless we drive up Sunday morning an I take Monday off (Sandy looks at her, happy at the suggestion) your right, we need this (puts her vodka/tomato juice in the sink) Sandy: wow, ill make the plans (Kirsten smiles and touches Sandy's arm, then leaves the kitchen. Sandy looks as though he's thinking for a second, then he turns around and reluctantly picks up Kirsten's glass. he looks at it, and then sniffs it. you can see in his face that he can smell the vodka. he looks in the direction of where Kirsten just was and frowns, worried) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Caleb's mansion - we see an external sht of the house, and Marissa's car. then we are in Marissa's bedroom. she comes out of her bathroom, putting lip-gloss on. she puts the lid on and then walks over to her dressing table and sits in front of the mirror. in the reflection we can see a slight redness near her collar bone, on the right side. she sighs and moves her jacket aside to reveal an awful looking bruise/mark which sits just above her singlet line. she uses one hand to hold the jacket away and the other to touch the bruise, she touches it and looks at it in the mirror and the phone rings. she looks at the phone and then fixes her jacket back up before answering Marissa: hello (we now see Trey in a side on view, he has a phone to his ear and he's creepily lit, it's almost like a silhouette) Trey: Marissa, don't hang up ok Marissa: (agitated) look I told you to stop calling me (quickly hangs up) Trey: let me expl- (Trey hears the beeps that signify Marissa has hung up on him. he takes the phone away from his ear and we see Jess come into the sht, in the background and out of focus. she's in a black bra and jeans that aren't done up) Jess: I guess she didn't wanna chat (walks over to Trey) what happen, sab boy get fresh (sits next to Trey) with the princess Trey: (lights a smoke) don't you have school Jess: (smiles) I was hoping, we could (moves her hand down near Treys lower body) Trey: (looks at Jess) ill pass Jess: (stands) you know, its not many girls, that would spend the night with a guy an not only not mind him calling another girl the next morning (puts on her top) but still be up for round two, you sure your not taking me for granted (does up her jeans) (Trey looks at Jess and then gets up and opens the door) Trey: look we both know what this is Jess: (looks at Trey then picks up her bag) well, we know I'm not Marissa (touches Treys cut) I leave my marks on your back (Jess kisses Trey, he looks up, not into it. he motions for her to go and she leaves. he slams the door behind her without turning around) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer is in the student lounge, sitting on the couch reading. Seth walks over. he lingers around the back of the couch for a few seconds before sitting next to her Seth: hey Summer (sits) Summer: hey Cohen Seth: (small wave) ok uh, the easiest way for me to do this is jus gonna be to say it (looks at Summer) but before I do...I want you to know how totally you know awful- Summer: I know Seth: (looks at Summer) what Summer: Miami, whipped cream girl, we do have cable (goes back to reading) Seth: so you...saw me Summer: (nods) I saw you Seth: ...ok so look I know you're angry an that's...perfectly- Summer: not really (shuts the book and puts it on the table then walks over to the coffee) Seth: (follows) your not Summer: mm-mm (pours coffee) (Seth looks at her) you know, I really thought things were gonna be different this time but you haven't changed at all, you've found new an even more public ways of disappointing me (walks away, Seth shakes his head) (stops and turns around) Zach an I kissed Seth: (looks at Summer) what Summer: yeah, we were having dinner an (frowns) you came on TV in that stupid- Seth: ok you know what fine, that's ok, you you know you seen me an ya kissed, sorta quick cousinly, what else happened Summer: (shakes her head) nothing...much (raises her eyebrows then walks away) Seth: so what'does this mean Summer: I don't know...(sadly) but it shouldn't be this hard (Summer leaves and Seth watches her) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - Julie is in the kitchen cooking breakfast, Caleb comes in. there is food absolutely everywhere and Julie is just putting the finishing touches on Caleb's breakfast, she is also wearing an apron! Julie: ah, there you are just in time for your suprise Caleb: I'm late for work Julie: you'll wanna make time for this (smiles) bonappetite (holds up a plate full of food) Caleb: (looks at Julie) an what is that Julie: eggs benedict, my specialty, well...my new specialty uh (smiles proudly) it's my first time Caleb: I already ate breakfast Julie: well consider this a mid morning snack...I was going to give it to you at seven but...it took a little longer then I expected Caleb: you spent two hours making eggs benedict for a man with a heart condition (Julie looks at him) doesn't that seem a little insane to you (walks to the sink) Julie: (hurt) ...I'm tryin'a make an effort here Cal...if nothing else, I expect you to acknowledge that Caleb: I do...a wasted effort (Julie looks shocked) I have to go Julie: (fed up) why do I even try Caleb: (leaving) I ask myself the same question (Julie dumps the plate of food into the bin, angry) CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa is at her locker by herself getting some books. Ryan sneaks up to try and get a kiss, which startles her Ryan: (touches Marissa shoulder) hey (goes to kiss her) Marissa: (turns around, suprised) oh (closes her eyes, relieved) Ryan: ohp, sorry (laughs) you ok Marissa: (holds her jacket where the bruise is) uh, yeah no I guess I'm just not...use to the hall way kiss yet (raises her eyebrows and then shuts her locker and walks away, making sure to keep her hand on her jacket) Ryan: no sure of course Marissa: um uh-hm (looks at Ryan) so tell me how was Miami Ryan: uh, it was alot like Orange County, how bout you Marissa: uh Ryan: anything crazy happen while I was gone Marissa: no, no (pulls her jacket across) It was pretty much jus (puts her hand on her neck) business as usual Ryan: (looks at Marissa) so we still have a date, how's your weekend (touches Marissa's back) Marissa: (reluctant) oh...um Ryan: what you-you forget something Marissa: no no its jus my mom wanted ta go shopping but (smiles) this weekends great Ryan: ok great so um...well let's do something special, something you wanted to do Marissa: um, no nothing special (shrugs) (Ryan looks at her) I mean nothing in particular, it'll be special (raises eyebrows) so uh (frowns) lets jus talk about it later (shrugs) ok Ryan: (confused) ok (Marissa touches Ryan's shirt collar then gives him a quick kiss on the cheek and walks away. Ryan smiles, confused) CUT TO: The Newport Group office - Kirsten is sitting at her desk using the computer, and we hear a knock at the door Kirsten: (calls) come in (Claire walks in) Kirsten: oh hey Claire what is it Claire: the men were cleaning out Carters office an they found this with a note saying it should be given to you (Clair is holding a gold gift box with a red bow on it) Kirsten: oh, thankyou (smiles) you can put it there (Claire puts the box on Kirsten's desk then leaves the room. Kirsten stares at the box for a second before slowly reaching over to pick it up. the next thing we see is Kirsten untying the red bow. underneath the bow on the gold box in fancy red writing is "featherbrook" underneath that in black letters is GIFT SHOP. Kirsten takes the lid off of the box, and inside is gold pendant sitting on a gold chain amongst a soft white fluffy padding. Kirsten looks down at the pendant then looks up) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer is walking the halls by herself and Zach catches up to her Zach: hey, Summer, wait Summer: (looks) hey, Zach Zach: um, I need to uh (points to the double doors) here (Summer and Zach walk through the doors where it's a little more private) Zach: did you talk to Seth Summer: yeah, I told him everything Zach: ok so (frowns) w-what'does that mean about us Summer: (tired) look Zach I cant do this right now Zach: I need to know if what happened the other night (raises eyebrows) was jus like a revenge thing, or if it was something more (Seth walks by the double doors and sees Summer and Zach talking together) Summer: honestly, in the moment, mostly revenge...but also I guess, something more (nods) (Seth opens the door) Seth: well, well, well, if it isn't my old friend (points) the big fat traitor Zach: (pointed) hey Seth Summer: Cohen Seth: shh relax Summer (shakes his head) I wont make a scene (to Zach) how can you even look at yourself in the mirror (shakes his head) Zach: look Seth I-I need to tell you something Seth: you know what, save your apology Zach: it's not an apology, I'm quitting the comic Summer: (shocked) what Seth: what Zach: it's just, its caused too many problems between me an Summer, it's not worth it Seth: yeah but the launch party is Saturday Summer: yeah Zach you can't, it means too much to you Zach: (looks at Summer) not as much as you do (Seth watches in disbelief, his mouth is wide open) Summer: (sighs and looks at Seth then Zach) I have to go (leaves) Seth: ooh I see what your doin, let me tell you somethin, it's not gonna work, ok, she will see it for the cheap ploy that it is e...ventually (rolls his eyes) Zach: look Seth, I've always liked you...but...if I have'ta sacrifice our friendship to be with Summer, ill do it Seth: amazing, this whole time I thought you were a nice guy Zach: (frowns) wake up, I'm a water polo player, we're never nice guys Seth: well looks like I wont have'ta worry about adding you to Atomic County your already there, the demon water polo player The Ironist's nemesis Zach: an its gonna take a little bit more than quick quips an pop culture laden bromides to win Little Miss Vixen Seth: so its wr Zach: its wr (Seth and Zach both look at each and then open a door each. they both walk in the same direction, staring at each other) Seth: my locker is this way Zach: so's mine Seth: fine, stay on that side'a the hall CUT TO: Marissa outside heading to the parking lot - she stops all of a sudden and looks worried. we see why. Trey is pacing near a bench, obviously waiting for her. she stands by a tree watching Trey, clearly not wanting anything to do with him. Summer appears in the background Summer: (looks at Marissa) what're you doing Marisa: (turns around, suprised) Summer (smiles, relived) hey I was uh I was uh waiting for you...look my car is like completely outta gas so would you give me a ride (hopeful) Summer: sure, c'mon (motions) Marissa: um the only thing is I uh, I left a book inside (points) so could you pick me up around back Summer: yeah, whatever (walks off) (Marissa watches Trey who is still waiting, he sits down on the bench and puts his head on his hands. Marissa looks over whelmed) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is in there and Kirsten walks in Kirsten: (suprised) oh, uh Sandy I-I thought you'd-you'd gone Sandy: no no my first meetings not till ten, I I hope you don't mind I uh (holds up the empty glass) I finished the tomato juice (Kirsten looks at the glass, then him) but there's coffee (we can now see that Kirsten is wearing Carters present around her neck) Kirsten: you know I-I'm jus gonna go I'm a little late (smiles then goes to walk away) Sandy: hey (Kirsten looks) I made a reservation at karakie? in Palm Springs, its suppose'ta be y'know really romantic Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) oh, yeah um I checked my schedule, I don't think I can take Monday Sandy: come on, its jus one day Kirsten: I know I'm-I'm I'm sorry, maybe in a couple'a weeks (Sandy closes his eyes and nods) but we'll talk about it tonight ok Sandy: alright (Kirsten again goes to leave) hey (Kirsten looks) what, I don't get a kiss Kirsten: of course (smiles and kisses Sandy on the cheek) mwa (smiles) Sandy: (notices the necklace) oh (touches the pendant) oh is that new Kirsten: uh yeah I-I got it at Featherbrook I-I picked it up at the gift shop (smiles) (Sandy looks at Kirsten then back at the pendant. Kirsten looks at him) Sandy: well (lets go of the pendant) it suits you (Kirsten smiles) have a good day (kisses Kirsten on the cheek) (Kirsten nods and leaves the kitchen. Sandy watches her) CUT TO: The diner - Zach walks in the door and over to a booth where Reed and Seth are waiting Seth: hey (waves) Reed: hey Zach thanks for coming on such short notice (Zach nods, Seth sucks on his drink) well uh lets jus go over the details of the launch (looks at Seth) Zach: (looks down) yeah listen Reed I uh I only came here today to...let you know that I have'ta pull outta the comic (looks at Reed) (Reed looks at Zach, and then Seth who has is mouth wide open, in fake shock lol) Reed: excuse me Zach: personal reasons, um which I'm sure Seth can fill you in on (Seth is still sucking on his drink) at a later date but uh I wanted to tell you face to face (nods) I'm...sorry Reed: ok well I know that your young an its a comic book an its fun fun fun, but to us this is a business...an you signed a contract (Zach listens) so unless you wanna deal with a lawsuit for the next fourr years I suggest you stay where you are, you order a sandwich an lets go over the details of the launch (Zach looks down then over at Seth who is 'playing' his straw like a musical instrument) Zach: you did this Seth: (stops playing) hm? Zach: did you thrat to pull out too (Reed looks at Seth) if she didn't force me back in (Reed looks at him) is that what you did Seth: (frowns and puts his hands up defensively) whoa buddy Zach I have no idea what your talkin about (shakes his head) I'm glad your back in if that's what's goin on, but that's it Reed: (to Zach) so what's it gonna be gorgeous, am I callin my lawyers or are you gonna order a crab sandwich (Zach looks at Seth, in disbelief) Seth: (nods at Zach, softly) crab sandwich (winks) CUT TO: The Newport Group office - Julie walks into Caleb's office, he's sitting at his desk Caleb: so what's today's heart attck special Julie, deep fried ribs, steak tar tar, that supersize guy oughta spend some time with you Julie: (holds out an envelope) this came for you at the house (drops it on the desk) listen, Cal, we need ta talk to a councilor Caleb: (picks up the envelope) excuse me Julie: a councilor, a professional, someone who can penetrate that fortress of solitude you've erected Caleb: (opens the envelope) of all your ideas, that has got to be the worst Julie: (matter of factly) well, then, I'm out, I mean you're not interested in my cooking (Caleb is looking at what was in the envelope) your certainly not interested in my body, you said you wanted to try an make this marriage work Caleb: ...(looks at Julie) you may, have a point (stands) I have ben... letting you do all the work, I'm jus not a councilor sorta guy (raises eyebrows) sitting on a couch (Julie looks at him) talking about my needs...how bout a date, tomorrow night, The Arches (Julie smiles) I will try Julie: mm (kisses Caleb on the cheek) we can make this work (Caleb smiles and Julie leaves. Caleb's smile goes, he sits on the edge of his desk and turns the paper over that came out of the envelope. we see that it is the black and white photos of Julie and Lance from out the front of the motel. in the first one they are just walking out of the door. in the second one Julie is facing away from Lance and Lance is looking at her. the last photo we see is upside down, and it is of the kiss. Julie has her hands on Lances face and they both look very into it) CUT TO: Cohen house - Kirsten has just come home from work, to an empty house Kirsten: (calls) Sandy (looks around and then heads towards the kitchen) helloooo (Kirsten sighs and puts her keys and bag down on the counter. she turns around so her back is leaning against the counter and then she touches the pendant with her hand, after a few seconds she slowly walks over to the phone and picks it up. she turns around and leans against the counter before slowly dialing a number, she brings the phone up to her ear and listens) Message: your call has ben forwarded to a voice messaging center, please leave a message at the tone (beep) Kirsten: hi Carter its-its me (smiles then closes her eyes) I uh wanted to thankyou for the necklace its beautiful and...I'm sorry, I shouldnt'a called, please don't call back (Kirsten hangs up abruptly then opens the fridge, she takes out the bottle of vodka and puts it on the counter where her bag and car keys are) CUT TO: Harbor school - student lounge, Jess is there talking to another girl, and she looks at somebody out of the corner of her eye. we then see Ryan walk in, he does a small cute wave to Marissa who is down near the coffee/food bit. Marissa smiles and waves back. Ryan smiles then continues walking Jess: (moves in front of Ryan) hey (smiles) Ryan: hey (looks at Jess) Jess: Jess (raises eyebrows) Marissa's pool...floater girl Ryan: ahh yeah yeah yeah (Marissa doesn't look happy) Jess: you're Ryan, Trey an I 've ben hangin out Ryan: ah you an Trey, jus what he needs more trouble Jess: (flattered) mm you think I'm trouble (smiles) you might be even cuter than your brother (Ryan looks at Jess then Marissa. Marissa looks down, sadly) Ryan: listen I gotta (motions to Marissa) Jess: (looks over) oh right Marissa's waiting, can't keep Marissa waiting (Ryan looks at her) think I could borrow a pen (before Ryan can answer Jess tries to stick her hand into his pocket, he pulls her hand away with his and looks at her. we then see Marissa being served, she smiles at the guy and takes her coffee then looks up at Jess and Ryan before walking away. Ryan holds a pen out for Jess and we see Marissa leaving. Jess takes the pen from Ryan and looks over in the direction of where Marissa was) Jess: thanks Ryan, you're a sport (raises eyebrows) (Jess leaves and Ryan just stands there - the next thing we see is Marissa walking towards her car. Trey walks in front of her) Trey: Marissa Marissa: (stops) what're you doing here Trey: look jus let me explain, ok Marissa: (looks away then back at Trey, she keeps walking) god, there's nothing you can say to me that I wanna hear (Trey grabs Marissa's arm trying to stop her from walking away) Trey: wi- Marissa: (yells, softly) let go of me (Trey lets go and Marissa glares at him. Ryan runs over) Ryan: (calls) Marissa, hey Marissa: (looks over) hey (smiles) Ryan: (sees Trey) hey man Trey: hey Ry (smiles) how you doin (they do a hand/hug thing) Ryan: what're you doin here Trey: nothin, jus came to uh thank Marissa for the Bait Shop gig, it's really great (Marissa forces a small smile) Ryan: yeah (looks at Trey) what'did you do to your head (touches Treys cut) Trey: (flinches) nothin man, it jus (shakes his head) banged on a cabinet (Marissa looks at him then Ryan) Ryan: so what's up, you guys wanna grab a bite Marissa: no, I have'ta get home (Ryan looks at her) you know uh my mom needs help Trey: yeah yeah I should probably get back to work, but uh I wanna hear about Miami Ryan: definitely (Trey leaves and Marissa walks over to her car. Ryan follows) Ryan: hey (Marissa smiles and unlocks her car) everything alright Marissa: yeah, yeah you know jus my mom's usual insanity (opens the car door) Ryan: gotcha (moves in front of Marissa) so um, tomorrow night is Seth's comic book thing, I figured we'd ht that then maybe grab dinner Marissa: yeah, yeah Ryan: yeah, I mean if-if you want Marissa: no yeah (smiles) sure and (looks down then at Ryan) I promise ill be in a better mood by then (kisses Ryan on the cheek) (Marissa gets in her car and backs out. Ryan looks over his shoulder and frowns, worried) CUT TO: Cohen lounge room - we can hear music coming from somewhere, the camera pans up to show that the TV is on. we can also see that Kirsten is sprawled out on the couch Sandy: (off screen, calls) hooonnneeyy I'm home, hey I thought we'd go out tonight, I made a reservation at that fancy new steak joint, you know the one with the-the really heavy silverware (the camera has now turned and we can see Sandy standing just near the entrance of the living room holding a big bunch of flowers. we can also see that Kirsten is sound asleep. one hand is draped over the back of the couch and the other is near the floor) Sandy: what d'you say...honey (Sandy puts his briefcase down and kneels beside Kirsten) Sandy: honey (Sandy puts the flowers down the other end of the couch and then looks down at the floor, we see an empty glass. he picks it up and smells it then puts the glass on the coffee table) Sandy: lets get you to bed (drapes Kirsten's arm around his neck) come on Kirsten: mm Sandy: one two (Sandy picks Kirsten up in his arms and stands, then carries her towards the bedroom) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom the next morning - we see Kirsten with her hair draped over her face, lying on the bed sound asleep. Sandy slowly comes in carrying a tray with breakfast and the paper, and a single pink rose Sandy: rise an shine, riiiissseee an shine (puts the tray down) (Kirsten puts her hand up slightly) it's a beautiful morning (sits on the bed) come on, look what I brought ya Kirsten: (turns to face Sandy, suprised) ohhh, Sandy Sandy: (points) black coffee, bacon, those little waffles you like so much, whipped butter two fried eggs fruit an OJ, I call it the whaler Kirsten: how can I resist (sits up) thankyou Sandy: (hands Kirsten coffee) boy you were out cold when I got home last night Kirsten: yeah, well, I was exhausted long week (smiles and drinks the coffee) Sandy: seemed like it was more then exhaustion Kirsten: (looks at Sandy, frowns) well what'do you mean Sandy: ...I'm worried about how much you're drinking Kirsten: (mouth open in shock) I I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm fine, I mean I was exhausted, you know I had a couple'a drinks so what Sandy: well I'm not jus talkin about last night Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) have you ben watching me Sandy: we do live together, should I be concerned Kirsten: (shrugs) I- I'm fine (shakes her head) look m-maybe I've ben drinking more then usual but ill-ill ill cut down ok Sandy: so it's not somethin at work, takin on too much (Kirsten looks down, not saying anything) is it that Carter left Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) what (frowns) Sandy: he left very suddenly...so I figured...maybe you had to do some'a his work too Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) I'm fine (Sandy nods) an id appreciate it if you'd trust me, I have to shower (gets up) Sandy: ill put this in the microwave Kirsten: (sighs) don't bother I'm not hungry (Kirsten goes into the bathroom and shuts the door. Sandy looks worried) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan and Seth are sitting on the floor in front of the bed playing playstation together Seth: yeah you like that...here's a little somethin your master Yoda never taught ya (on the TV screen we see the game, I assume you see what they talk about next, but I don't get it lol) Ryan: ohp (looks at the TV, suprised) oh Seth: (shocked) you jus threw a light saber at me an klled me Ryan: mm (scratches his neck) Seth: I didn't know you could throw that light saber Ryan: yeah new game, who knew Seth: well it's to bad Marissa's not here, the ladies can't resist a young Jedi Ryan: yeah I don't know about that (stands) Seth: why you guys in a fight Ryan: eh I don't know, ever since I got back from Miami she's ben actin kinda nervous around me Seth: well you could talk to Summer except, you cannot because she's off limits until phase two of Zach attck is complete...but uh I think Trey was around last week right, maybe he knows somethin Ryan: did you say phase two Seth: yeah ya see Zach bein in the comic book does me no good unless Summer knows about it an it aint like he's (raises eyebrows) gonna tell her (Seth's phone rings, he puts a finger up to Ryan as if to say 'one second' then pulls his phone out and answers it) Seth: yello...heeey excellent...is guy smiley still with her...ok stay p- no no Leon you cant leave I don't care if you got swim lessons ill be there in a minute (hangs up and stands) Ryan: Seth please tell me you're not usin the comic book club to spy on Summer an Zach CUT TO: Outside the diner - Leon is behind a trash can looking through binoculars, we see Summer and Zach inside the diner in a booth together. Seth goes over to Leon Seth: hey, Leon, they still in there (takes the binoculars) Leon: they just paid (inside we see Zach and Summer getting ready to leave) Leon: is Zach really tryin to destroy the comic book club Seth: what (takes the binoculars away) oh yeah, yeah yeah totally (gives the binoculars to Leon) Leon: Seth I need to get something ta eat my blood sugars all low Seth: (stands) ok shh shh shh ill be back, stay there (we see Summer and Zach standing now. Seth heads over to the diner entrance) Seth: Summer, Zach hey, what a suprise (smiles) Summer: Cohen (holds Zach's arm) what're you doing here Seth: uh jus fillin up the tnk you know got a big day (Summer nods, Zach looks suspicious) I got the launch party tonight (to Zach) hey Reed wanted me to tell you, we should get there a half hour early tonight ok, somethin about a wizard magazine interview Summer: hey, dementia boy (looks at Zach) Zach quit your stupid comic book remember (puts her arm around Zach) Seth: oh did you not tell her yet (points then puts his hand up to his mouth in pretend shock) oh ugh did I put my foot in it again (Zach doesn't look impressed) Summer: (looks at Zach) what's he talking about Zach: I was gonna tell ya Seth: (interrupts) I'm jus gonna go (softly) I'm sorry (Seth goes inside the diner and sits down at a booth, he puts his hands to his mouth excited. outside we see what Seth is seeing which is Summer and Zach arguing, Summer hits Zach in the head and Seth flinches and mouths 'oooooh' he looks like he's thoroughly enjoying it,lol. Summer walks away leaving Zach by himself. Seth silently laughs. Zach looks through the window at him and Seth quickly puts the menu in front of his face, lol) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - Trey is out the front unloading a van full of cartons. he bends down to put a carton on the trolley and through the windscreen we can see Ryan walking up Ryan: (calls) yo Trey: yo (Ryan walks around to the back of the van where Trey is still unloading) Ryan: hey man got you workin huh Trey: oh yeah, real slve drivers, what's up Ryan: nothin, listen (sighs) I gotta ask you somethin, Marissa's ben actin a little weird since I got back (frowns) she didn't...happen to say anything when you guys were hangin out did she Trey: (raises eyebrow) nope, I don't think so Ryan: you sure, you didn't notice anything- Trey: uh look man I got alot of work ta do so (looks at Ryan) no offense but I don't want em to think I'm slackin off (points) Ryan: oh yeah yeah yeah Trey: but uh hey man, we'll talk later right Ryan: yeah (Trey wheels the cartons towards the Bait Shop and Jess walks up behind Ryan) Jess: well well (Ryan turns around) if it isn't baby brother Ryan: (keeps walking) I jus came by to see Trey (Jess walks into the front of Ryan, stopping him from walking away) Jess: me too, but I could be talked out of it Ryan: look, whatever's goin on between you two he needs time to get his life back together Jess: come on, it's not like we're serious, I mean how could we be he's completely obsessed with (stops) (Ryan looks at her) well with someone else Ryan: you know what fine (raises eyebrows) I'm not gettin involved (tries to walk away) (Jess stops him again) Jess: well, the fact is Ryan (moves closer to Ryan) I've always had this fantasy about two brothers Ryan: I think that's gonna stay a fantasy Jess: I get it, I use'ta think it was strange too...but apparently (smiles) I'm not the only one inta the brother thing (Jess walks away and Ryan looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer is busy throwing some things into a cardboard box, Marissa comes in holding a few bags Marissa: I have a problem Summer: well come on in an join the party Marissa: ok I have ben shopping all afternoon and (sits on the bed) what are you doing Summer: I'm just erasing every vestige of Seth (grabs a photo) an Zach (grabs another photo) from my life, you know as far as I'm concerned Reed can have them (grins) (Marissa looks at Summer then empties one of her bags) Summer: (looks at Marissa) what's up Marissa: (sighs) ok so I have this really important date with Ryan later an I need it to be perfect (frustrated) I can't figure out what to wear Summer: please, you could dress as grimace an stop traffic (looks at a photo of her and Seth) man I look good in this picture (rips it in half and puts herself back on the mirror) Marissa: ok what'do you think (holds a greenish top up against herself) Summer: well, hm, let me see (takes the top, Marissa sighs) what is that (frowns) Marissa: what (Summer pulls her jacket aside to see the bruising, she pushes it back) what Summer: that! (pulls the jacket across again and touches it) ouch Marissa: ow (smiles and holds her chest) Summer: Coop what were- you ben playing rugby Marissa: yeah well um I jus slipped Summer: (unconvinced) an fell on your collar bone Marissa: (holds up another top, changes the subject) wait so who is Reed Summer: oh she's that busty comic book tart that turned Seth into an egomaniac by agreeing to publish his graphic novel (raises eyebrows) an then thrat to sue Zach if he pulled outta the comic (frowns) oh my god this is so her fault Marissa: what're you talking about Summer: wait don't you see, before she came there was no scheming, no fighting, the comic book was deader than dad, oh (makes a motion with her finger then goes over to her bag and jacket) Marissa: w-w-wait where're you going Summer: uh-uh, nobody messes with my men (points to herself) but me (snaps her finger) (Marissa looks at her) oh it is ass kicking time (Marissa raises her eyebrows) Coop (goes over to Marissa) wear the black, he wont know what ht him CUT TO: Cohen front door - we hear the door bell then we see Kirsten opening it, Julie is standing there Kirsten: Julie (Julie waves and smiles) what're you doin here Julie: I...need to talk Kirsten: well come to the kitchen (the next thing we see is Kirsten and Julie walking into the kitchen) Kirsten: you want a drink Julie: isn't it a little bit early Kirsten: (opens the cupboard) what'do you wanna talk about Julie: uh well your father Kirsten: thennn it's not too early (puts ice in the glass she just got out) Julie: good point, ok, here's the thing, has he said anything to you uh about us (points to herself) (Kirsten has just poured vodka into Julie's glass, it appears that Kirsten already has a glass of vodka/juice sitting on the counter for herself) Kirsten: my dad doesn't exactly tell me about his romantic life (pours juice in) Julie: yeah, I figured, its jus that I really really want this marriage to work Kiki, I mean...he says he does but (scoffs) I don't know if he means it I mean he's (drinks, puts her hand up) oh my gosh (swallows) Kirsten: what Julie: how much vodka did you put in this Kirsten: a normal amount (shrugs) a little less Julie: (looks at Kirsten) ok um...is everything alright, where's Sandy Kirsten: (swallows) out Julie: mm-hmm did something happen, did you two have a fight (raises eyebrows) Kirsten: (frowns, shakes her head) no...(closes her eyes) yes, oh god I don't know...seems like we've ben fighting since September (sits at the end of the counter) Julie: Kirsten...now I know that I'm probably the last person in the world you wanna bare your soul to but...it's gotta be better then getting smashed in the middle of the day, what happened Kirsten: what happened (looks at Julie then at her drink) the boys left for the summer (Julie listens) Sandy an I stopped communicating, Rebecca Bloom came along an made things worse...an then Carter (brings the glass closer to her mouth) Julie: well he was cute (nods) Kirsten: ...something happened between me an Sandy...this wall came between us...an Carter just...made me feel less alone (Julie looks at her) like Sandy use to (closes her eyes) an now he's gone (drinks) CUT TO: The setting for Atomic County's opening - Reed is there over looking the preparations. we see a guy carrying a life size cut out of Kid Chino, then another guy with a life size of Cosmo Girl Reed: make sure Kid Chinos not blocking Cosmo Girl (we then see Summer appear in the door way) Summer: I have a question (Reed looks up) hmm (frowns) where's your cut out, or have they not made super bitch yet (puts her hand on her hip) Reed: is this about Seth an Zach Summer: you an your comic have turned those two idiots inta complete (sees The Ironists cut out) idiots (looks at Reed) Reed: (corrects) graphic novel, an I'm trying to run a business Summer: (walks over to Reed) you have played one against the other, manipulating Seth an then thrat Zach so you could end up with all of the power Reed: I'm sorry that you feel that way Summer: well your gonna be because I am going to tell them both if either of them has anything to do with you, I'm never speaking to them again (goes to walk away) Reed: (follows) Summer, Seth an Zach have talent they could have careers in comics but you are the Niko of the group Summer: I'm sorry I-I don't get references before nineteen ninety Reed: its your picture people are gonna ask for (Summer listens) its your face on the magazine covers, what'do you want, a career in fashion, movies this is the perfect launching pad (Summer looks at her) an do you really think ill be able ta control them once you have the limelight, it'll be your show (smiles) Summer: (squints) you're manipulating me...but I think I like what you're saying Reed: (nods, smiles) I have some outfits I wanna show you but first tell me about this super bitch, do you think she could support her own comic Summer: mm no, not so much (Reed and Summer walk away and the camera pans up to show an Atomic County banner. it has the 4 characters in their costumes on a blueish background with ATOMIC COUNTY in white bubble writing) CUT TO: The pool house at night - Ryan is sitting on the step getting ready, he looks over and sees Marissa come to the door, looking very hot in black Marissa: hey Ryan: (suprised) hey I was gonna pick you up Marissa: uh its ok I wanted ta suprise you (touches her stomach) is this ok for a comic book launch Ryan: (walks over to Marissa) it'll do (smiles) (Marissa kisses Ryan, she has one hand on his shoulder and the other on the side of his head. she wraps her arm around his neck getting into the kiss more) Ryan: mm (pulls away) so listen um (Marissa looks at him) you've ben um uh-uh is everything ok Marissa: (smiles and kisses Ryan) why don't you tell me (Marissa kisses Ryan again and pushes him onto the bed. she gets on top of him and starts kissing him again, it gets more heated. this continues for a few seconds and then Ryan turns her so that she is underneath him. except when they turn what we see is Trey on top of Marissa, kissing her. we then see the sht from a different angle where Marissa opens her eyes and sees Ryan as Trey. she looks scared and begins breathing heavily. we then see Ryan looking at her confused. Marissa closes her eyes and opens them again, she sees the real Ryan this time and she smiles, relieved. he bends down and starts kissing her again. after a few seconds the view changes and we again see Trey on top of Marissa. he's kissing her roughly and Marissa is making noises like she's scared. Marissa opens her eyes and we see Ryan, but she sees Trey and pulls herself back as pushes him away. Ryan looks at Marissa and frowns. Marissa looks at him and blinks and swallows. Ryan looks at her, then Marissa looks away and puts her hand on her head, she looks back at Ryan, a little calmer. Ryan smiles and bends down to start kissing her again. Marissa moves her hands to near Ryan's neck, and Ryan starts kissing Marissa's neck {similar to what Trey was doing when he attcked her} he kisses her on the lips again. at this point we see Ryan as Trey and we hear voice overs, sort of like what is going through Marissa's head) VO Trey: no ones ever ben this nice ta me VO Marissa: yeah cause your Ryan's brother (Marissa opens her eyes and sees Trey above her. the camera pulls back a bit more and its Ryan again. Marissa lets him kiss her again. more voice overs) VO Trey: more then that VO Trey: one night, no one needs ta know (we see Ryan change into Trey as he kisses Marissa. it changes back to Ryan again) VO Marissa: (scared) get off of me me (Ryan kisses Marissa's neck again, and Marissa frowns, looking scared. Marissa starts struggling like she did that night, almost crying. we see her pushing away Trey at the shoulders. then it changes to Ryan with his head touching hers, and her hand is on his chest. then it changes to Trey with his head near her ear. then it changes to Ryan with his head buried in her neck, and Marissa turning her face away from his, and pulling herself away from his body. then we see a close up of Ryan kissing Marissa on the lips, it changes to Trey trying to kiss Marissa, and then Marissa moves her head away and Trey pushes it back. we see Trey with his mouth near Marissas ear, and he is saying/we hear the echo of "nobody needs ta know". Marissa pushes Ryan off of her, freaked out. Ryan looks confused. Marissa sits up and gets off the bed abruptly) Ryan: hey hey (gets off the bed) what's wrong Marissa: (freaked out) I'm sorry I can't do this (backing towards the door) I uh thought I could but I-its ben too long too much has happened (puts up her hand) Ryan: ok alright Marissa: (sad) I'm sorry (leaves) Ryan: jus talk- (Marissa hurries down the stairs and into the house to leave. Ryan watches her go, completely confused about what just happened) CUT TO: Cohen living room - Kirsten is sitting on the couch looking very drained. she's holding a glass in her hand. Sandy comes in the front door Kirsten: where've you ben Sandy: I was droppin your car off, you know at the shop it was uh makin a weird noise, I got you a rental (hands Kirsten the keys) Kirsten: thanks Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) we need to talk Kirsten: oh, why, does the car need alotta work Sandy: about us Kirsten: (nods) well (sighs and stands) in that case I'm gonna get some more water (Sandy looks at her) (the next thing we see is Kirsten filling her glass with tap water in the kitchen. Sandy comes in) Sandy: did somethin happen between you an Carter Kirsten: (with her back to Sandy) ugh don't do it like this Sandy: just tell me Kirsten: (turns around) is that what you really think Sandy: is it so crazy, you have a close relationship with this man when we're goin through a hard time an when he leaves you go on a bender Kirsten: well nothing happened, the same way nothing happened between you an Rebecca Sandy: why are you bringin that up again Kirsten: again (moves closer) Sandy what'do you think this is, what'do you think Carter was about Sandy: I want you to tell me Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) you left me Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) did you have an affair with him Kirsten: you don't get it do you (Sandy looks at her, Kirsten looks at him and then walks out of the kitchen) Sandy: no... (we hear the sound of a door slamming) CUT TO: Atomic County's launch - we see Reed and Zach sitting behind a table together, and Seth is standing up with a microphone holding a copy of Atomic County. there is people sitting in front of them, listening Seth: an then the demonic water polo player throws his plasma ball at Kid Chino an The Ironist, shouting, welcome - to - Atomic - County - Bitch (Zach looks bored) then in the next panel here (Reed looks at Seth) Kid Chino catches it, he catches it an he- Reed: (claps and stands) thankyou Seth that was wonderful Seth: I wasn't finished Reed: (covers the mic) you know you read for an hour an you described every panel (touches Seth's back) you're finished Seth: ok Reed: right (claps, the audience claps with her) that's right Seth, poet (Seth sits next to Zach and picks up a bottle of water) Zach: (grabs the bottle) that's my water Seth: whatever, I'm thirsty Zach: (frowns) yeah because you went on about forty five minutes to long (the audience watches them argue over the bottle of water) Seth: you know why don't you just get a hair cut (pulls the bottle) ok I think everyone's a little sick of the Shaun Cassidy thing Zach: (pulls on the bottle) why don't you- Reed: guys, as I was saying (Seth lets go of the water) on behalf of bad science we'd like to thankyou all for coming to the launch of Atomic County (Seth looks at Zach, who is drinking the water) we have one final suprise, after getting your copy signed you will get a photo with a real life member of Atomic County, I give you Little - Miss - Vixen (points sexily) (the audience looks eagerly toward the platform. Seth looks over as well. we hear the sound of a whip being cracked and we see a pair of black boots walk up onto the platform, we hear photos being taken and clapping from the audience. the camera pans up to show the whole outfit. Summer is in pink fishnet stockings, black shorts and a black singlet with pink sections. she is also wearing a black mask over her eyes and holding a whip in her hand. we see Zach and Seth staring at Summer. we see more of the audience clapping excitedly, and flash's from cameras. Summer is loving it, she smiles at the audience. a guy winks at her. Leon from earlier is also there. we see more of Summer holding the whip) Seth: (staring at Summer) nice whip Zach: (also staring) yeah CUT TO: The Arches - Julie walks in ready to have dinner with Caleb M: ah Mrs. Nichol (takes Julies hand) you look beautiful tonight Julie: (flattered) thankyou (smiles) M: is Mr. Nichol with you Julie: uh no, he got held up at the office so he asked me to meet him here, typical (the guy and Julie laugh. a woman walks up behind Julie, holding an envelope) W: Julie Cooper-Nichol Julie: yes (turns around) W: (holds up a pen and the envelope) this is for you Julie: oh W: please sign to show that you received them Julie: (signs) what is it (smiles) W: I wouldn't know ma'm (the woman hands the envelope to Julie and Julie smiles and takes it. she looks at the envelope and then opens it, smiling) Julie: uh-hm (reads) (Julies smile goes an she has her mouth open in shock) CUT TO: The Newport Group office - Julie walks into Caleb's office, holding the blue piece of paper she just received. Caleb is sitting at his desk Julie: you're divorcing me! Caleb: (looks up) Julie Julie: (throws the piece of paper on the desk) you son of a bitch! did you have fun watching me scramble around trying to save this marriage while you met with lawyers, did you enjoy it Caleb: don't be ridiculous Julie: ok, fine you want out you got it, but let me tell you something (points) I am going to make you pay, pre nup or no pre nup Ill bleed you dry you won't have a po- (Caleb puts the pictures from earlier down in front of her. Julie stares at them, stunned) Caleb: you'll have'ta explain these first (stands) (Julie looks through the photos) Julie: ...you had me followed Caleb: (pours himself a drink) you have ben monitored to one degree or another since before we were married...the affair ya had with your former husband...the tryst last year with that high schooler Luke (frowns) Julie: (looks at Caleb) oh my god Caleb: I mean, your daughter's boyfriend, what will people think (drinks) Julie: (dazed) ex boyfriend Caleb: despite all of this I was willing to give us a chance (points to the photos) until that Julie: (upset) but nothing happened this was jus- Caleb: (cold) oh stop it Julie (Julie looks at him) I don't have the stomach for it anymore, I've gotten a hotel room, you have a week to find somewhere else to live...then I want you and your daughter gone (hands Julie the divorce papers) now get outta my office (Julie takes the paper and starts to walk away. Caleb sits back down at his desk) Caleb: oh by the way (Julie stops) ...your fired! CUT TO: Atomic County's launch - we see Summer/Little Miss Vixen posing on the platform for a photo with Leon, then we see Zach signing a copy of Atomic County for someone. and then somebody else getting their photo taken with Summer. Seth's hands poke through the curtain from backstage and grab Summer around the waist, he pulls her to him Summer: wait, ow (takes off her mask) Cohen, what are you doing Seth: please Summer I need to talk to you, ok Summer: can't you see I'm working Seth: listen, I'm sorry about what happened in Miami ok I jus I promise you it'll never happen again Summer: (nods) ok, that you'll never go on TV an eat whipped cream off a naked girl again (raises eyebrows) that's reassuring Seth: (gets down on his knees) look, Summer, I'm an ass ok I know that an I know I don't deserve another sh*t (takes Summers hand) (sincerely) but I love you (Summer looks at him, her expression softens) an I think you love me too, please (before Summer can say anything Zach walks through the curtain and sees them) Zach: I knew it Seth: (stands) Zach not now (to Summer) ok Summer you were about to say something Zach: Summer don't listen to him (Summer looks from Seth to Zach, over whelmed) Seth: hey (touches Zach) I'm not gonna tell ya again buddy Zach: (frowns) or what (pushes Seth) Seth: or...I, you'll...see (pushes Zach) Summer: come on you guys don't Reed: I'm sorry I jus- (Reed comes in and accidentally knocks Zach onto Seth. Summer gasps) Reed: oh, guys, guys (yells) guys, stop (Seth and Zach get tangled up in the curtain and end up ripping it down, and then falling onto the display stands and things. the audience backs away as Zach and Seth roll around on the floor, still inside the curtain. Reed has her hands over her face, and Summer looks worried) Zach: ow Seth: Zach stop punching me Zach: biting me Seth: that's my eye (the audience is still watching) Zach: stop it Seth: no Zach: (yells) stop pulling my hair (Summer runs over to try and break them up) Summer: you guys (bends down and yells) stop it (Seth gets up and head butts Summer with the back of his head, in her face accidentally) Summer: ahhh (holds her face) god Seth: (concerned) Summer ? I'm sorry, hey hey hey you alright, is it bleeding, can I see (Zach comes up behind Seth and hits him across the back of the head with The Ironists cardboard cut out. Summer screams again) Reed: everybody the reading is over, thankyou for coming Summer: (still holding her face) what the Zach: (to Summer) let me explain Summer: explain oh (Seth jumps on Zach's back and grabs him around the head) Seth: explain this Zach: (tries to get Seth off of himself) ahhhh Seth: explain this (still holding Zach's head) Zach: come here (Summer is still standing there watching in disbelief, holding her face. the next thing with see is Zach near to the floor and Seth with his legs either side of him) Seth: huh, huh (the audience is still watching them) Seth: that's right, go down (still holding onto Zach's head) come here (clenches his teeth) (Zach, with Seth still on his back spins around and ends up crashing into another display) Seth: whooooa (lands on his feet) (Reed watches them in disbelief. Seth and Zach end up on the floor and Seth jumps on top of Zach. Summer is now pinching her nose to stop it from bleeding. we see Seth still on top of Zach. Summer cracks her whip at them) Summer: stop it! (Summer holds the whip and Zach and Seth lift their heads to look at her, and then sit up) Summer: god what is wrong with you two, seriously what is wrong with you Seth: Summer look (out of breath) you jus have'ta choose ok, once an for all Zach: (looks at Summer) he's right, you have'ta choose Summer: fine, you know what I choose neither! (Summer leaves and Seth and Zach are sitting on the floor, Reed walks over) Zach: oh hey- Reed: I don't wanna hear it (puts up a finger) jus clean it up, now (Reed leaves) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is on the phone Ryan: (eyes closed) Marissa hey its me again listen uh (sighs) call me back, please (opens his eyes) jus tell me what's goin on (Ryan sighs and hangs up. Sandy comes to the door	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "02x22 - The Showdown"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - The pool house - It's almost pitch black inside, and its early morning. we hear the door open and Seth walks in and then closes the door behind him. Ryan is sound asleep Seth: (whispers) Ryan (moves closer to the bed) Ryan (sits down beside the bed) (louder) hey Ryan (Ryan gasps and abruptly sits up in bed, startled. Seth grins {lol}) Ryan: (breathes heavily, frowns) what time is it Seth: (turns on the lamp) iiiiiiits five thirty...ish Ryan: showin up earlier an earlier Seth: yeah well, we have alotta ground to cover (Ryan lies back down) so I figured, since we're both up we may's well...get a jump on it Ryan: yeah, no, we've ben over this, Summer doesn't want you, she doesn't want Zach, all there is to it (turns the lamp off) goodnight (rolls onto his side, facing away from Seth) Seth: (turns the lamp back on) something occurred to me, a new wrinkle Ryan: about? the prom Seth: yeah, an I have'ta convince Summer to go with me, we (raises eyebrows) as a couple Ryan, must partake in the magical rite of passage known as the prom Ryan: yeah-yeah-yeah you mean people getting drunk, makin out, throwing up on the gym floor (screws up his face) Seth: no I mean romance Ryan (Ryan looks at him) I mean tuxedos, corsages, the limousines (claps) Ryan: I don't know man, I don't see Summer really buyin inta the prom thing Seth: well you're wrong about that, Summers ben fantasizing about prom since fifth grade Ryan: (looks at Seth) how do ya know that Seth: (matter of factly) sat behind her an Marissa in computer class...I really...honed my eaves dropping skills that year, point is, Summers for-ever dreamt of going to the prom an I in turn, would dream of going with her (looks at Ryan) Ryan: well you need'a get that outta your mind (points) if it helps at all, I don't think I'm gonna go either (leans up on his elbows) Seth: look jus cause you saw Trey leaving Marissa's does not mean there hooking up Ryan: yeah, what'does it mean Seth: maybe he went over to borrow something like a book (claps his hands lightly) or one of her newsboy caps Ryan: yeah, maybe they hooked up Seth: ok your jus married to the worst possible scenario huh Ryan: (sits up, sighs) look I'm gonna talk to her about it today but wh-wh whatever happened she seems deadset on keeping it from me (the phone rings) Seth: kinda early for a phone call Ryan: (looks at Seth) kinda early for alotta things Seth: (answers) hello, dad where...where are you (Ryan looks at him) oh my god...ok uh yeah (looks at Ryan) we'll be right there (hangs up) Ryan: (worried) what is it Seth: (frowns) my mom got in a car accident she's at the hospital (stands) (Ryan quickly gets out of bed) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet The hospital - we see an exterior sht of the hospital, and then we see Kirsten lying in a hospital bed. Sandy is watching her but we can only see his reflection in the glass, not actually him. he looks worried. the sht changes and we see a close up of Kirsten. she has a big gash on her head a little lower down to where Trey has his. she opens her eyes just as Sandy comes in Sandy: (Kirsten looks at him helplessly) oh honey, I am so glad your ok (sits on the bed) Kirsten: (closes her eyes) I'm so sorry Sandy: we'll get through this (kisses Kirsten's head) I promise (Kirsten looks down, and Sandy looks down as well. Kirsten opens her hand and we see her wedding ring in 2 pieces, Sandy looks at it then at Kirsten) Kirsten: (softly) they had ta cut it off Sandy: well, you were due for an upgrade anyway (Kirsten smiles. Sandy looks towards the door and Seth and Ryan come in. Seth does a small wave. they both look worried) Seth: mom, are you ok Kirsten: oooh, I'm fine (looks at Seth) Sandy: the doctors say she has a concussion, but fortunately no internal injuries Ryan: (frowns) what happened Kirsten: talking on the cell phone, it was stupid (Sandy looks at her) thank god for air bags Ryan: well is there anything we can do (looks at Seth) Kirsten: oh not a thing (Seth nods, frowning) ill jus probably spend the day on the couch Seth: well under the circumstances ill lift my parental ban on my DVD collection (nods, frowning) Sandy: what an honour (Kirsten smiles) Seth: it is, you can watch anything you want uh house'a flying daggers, evil dad two (an officer comes to the door and Sandy looks over at him) if you must X-men one and two (Sandy leaves the room) but you gotta do one first, that's- (Ryan says something over Seth but I can't work out what sorry, that guy mumbles alot! lol) Seth: sorta the catch (to Ryan) no two's better (Sandy is now in the hall with the officer) Officer: I don't know what to tell you Sandy (looks at Sandy) she blew point o eight (Sandy nods) look...maybe...if I read it wrong (Sandy looks at him) maybe it was uhh point o seven Sandy: (shakes his head) I'm not askin you to do that Officer: (puts up his hand) jus promise me you'll get her some help (Sandy looks at the officer) CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa and Summer are walking together outside. they walk under a huge banner that is hanging up. in small silver letters it says Harbor High 2005 Junior Prom, underneath that in bigger orange fancy letters with white edging it says Under the O. Sea and the background is like a bluey water colour Summer: so it's an underwater thing Marissa: yeah but it turns out that's alot more work then I thought (looks at Summer) d'you have any idea how to make a paper mach'e octopus Summer: no, but maybe Ryan could bring you one instead of a corsage Marissa: (sighs) I don't think Ryan's gonna be bringing me anything (drinks water) Summer: but...you guys are going ta prom together right (frowns) Marissa: I wouldn't count on it (sits on a bench) Summer: (sits next to Marissa) Coop, did I miss something, cause for like a blip you guys actually seemed happy Marissa: (looks at Summer) its...complicated (drinks) Summer: well its you an Ryan its suppose'ta be Marissa: can we not talk about this anymore Summer: ...yeah (looks Marissa up and down) Coop, are you ok Marissa: fine, I'm fine, so everyone's saying your gonna be voted prom queen, isn't that like your fifth grade dream coming true Summer: no, my dream involved an actual date, a hot guy in a tux with a carnation pinned to his lapel (thinks) instead I'm drawing straws between nerd boy an ass clown Marissa: so what're you gonna do, not go Summer: (shrugs) exactly, if I go I have to decide between Seth an Zach, fast forward to prom (frowns) there's me standing alone while the two of them wrestle on the floor like two girls in a mud pit Marissa: Sum, I'm building the lost city of Atlantis out of streamers an tape you gotta at least show up Summer: fine, if you work out your mysterious issues with Ryan (tips her head) then maybe ill go Marissa: (looks away) ...I wouldn't hold my breath (drinks) (Summer looks at Marissa, frowning) CUT TO: Cohen house - we see Julie come through the front door, and Sandy is in front of her holding a big gift basket Julie: so, how is she Sandy: weeelll the doctor said she'll be fine, she's resting now I (shakes his head) I should'a seen this coming (they are now walking into the kitchen) Julie: so she's ben hittin the bottle a little hard lately, its ben a rough couple of weeks for everyone...even me (puts her bag down) Sandy: (looks at Julie) ok, ill bite...so what's the problem Julie: Sandy (puts her hand on her hip) I did not come here to talk about myself (Sandy looks at her) but as long as we're on the subject I (squints) could kind of use your advice (pulls out a piece of paper from an envelope) Sandy: (puts out his hand) hey if this involves you being naked, please y-y you gotta warn me Julie: (makes a 'very funny' expression) its my pre nup (hands it to Sandy) Sandy: ooooh (reads) well it says here if you an Caleb 've ben married for a year you get three million dollars at least (Julie puts her hands up to her face) if you have ben married for less then a year you get...nothing (looks at Julie, raises eyebrows) Julie: eleven months, twenty seven days, why do you think he's in a such a rush to divorce me Sandy: I'm not suprised, he's a wily old guy Julie: he's a...cheap son of a bitch who wants to throw me out on the street, Sandy please you've gotta find a loop hole Sandy: I don't know Julie this looks iron clad to me, all Caleb has'ta do is file the papers by Monday with the county clerk (hands Julie the pre nup) unless you can figure out a way ta stop him...your outta luck (Julie looks as though she's thinking) CUT TO: Harbor school - Zach is at his locker and Seth hesitantly goes over Seth: hey (small wave) Zach: (turns around) Cohen (shuts his locker) Seth: dude (sighs) I'm so sorry about the launch, I had a (Zach sighs) Bruce Banna moment Zach: yeah...eh we're both to blame lets put it behind us (shakes Seth's hand) Seth: ok look it never happened Zach: (nods) yep Seth: ok (points) I'm goin...this way Zach: (follows) you think Summers willing to forget about it Seth: sure, if she sees how mature we're bein (Zach nods) right, look how much we've grown since the other day we're shakin hands, we're usin brains instead'a braun Zach: we're no longer ruled by our Y chromosomes Seth: no, we're cilvilised gentleman Zach (Zach frowns) we can handle any situation with grace an dignity (they are now in the student lounge) Zach: ooo here comes our first test (Summer walks over to them) Seth: Summer, hey (Zach smiles) we were both jus talkin an- Summer: save it Cohen Seth: ok Summer: I'm done listening to your excuses Zach: Summer we're really sorry, are you...willing to forgive us Summer: nope (shakes her head) don't wanna forgive you (Seth and Zach look at her) but, prom is tomorrow night (raises eyebrows) an I have wanted to go my whole - life, so I'm not gonna let our demented little threesome ruin that for me (smiles) so I'm going (raises eyebrows) with one of you (Zach and Seth both look happy) Seth: well which one of us are you gonna take Summer: don't care, I am too pissed off an tired ta choose (raises eyebrows) so your gonna decide, don't care how, but tomorrow I will be infront'a my house in a dress an one of you (raises eyebrows) will pick me up, got it, good (walks between them then stops) oh, you know my dress is a magenta colour so my corsage should be in that general family (smiles) Zach: dude, she's totally hanging by a thread Seth: (touches Zach's arm) yeah ok ill take one for the team ill...take her to prom Zach: (frowns) no way why do you get to go Seth: because dude I sssaaawww her first (nods) Zach: (confused) that...doesn't make sense Seth: (nods) sure it does (we hear a beep and Zach looks at his phone) Zach: I got a text message from Reed, she wants to meet us at the diner for lunch Seth: dude (shakes his head) the ladies are all over us but not in a good way Zach: ok listen, I say we go to the diner we meet with Reed, then we deal with this...Summer thing later Seth: alright one battle at a time CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Kirsten is in bed resting and Sandy comes in with a coffee. he sits on the bed beside her and hands her the coffee, and then holds out a brochure Kirsten: (frowns) what is that (we see that along the top of the brochure it says SURIAK) Sandy: it's the best facility on the west coast Kirsten: (looks at the brochure then Sandy) your sending me to rehab Sandy: I'm asking ya (Kirsten looks away, stunned) ta get help (Kirsten sighs) nobody needs ta know we could say your...your takin a trip Kirsten: in this town a trip is always rehab Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) all I care about is you Kirsten: then you don't have'ta worry about me, I'm done with drinking Sandy: (softly) jus like that huh Kirsten: last night scared me Sandy: (shakes his head) you don't jus snap your fingers an make somethin like this disappear Kirsten: well you do when you could lose everything...an last night I almost did (Sandy looks at her) look (sits up) I'm going to the kitchen now an I'm gonna pour out every - drop in this house (Kirsten gets out of bed and walks towards the door, Sandy watches her) Kirsten: (turns around) are you coming Sandy: right behind ya (stands) CUT TO: Harbor school - we see Marissa walking up the stairs outside, after a few seconds we see Ryan catch up to her Ryan: Marissa Marissa: (looks) hey Ryan: (sighs and looks at Marissa) look I know there's somethin goin on so jus tell me Marissa: tell you what Ryan: I saw Trey leavin your house last night Marissa: (scoffs) it's not what you think Ryan: yeah well I asked you what happened when I was in Miami an your not talkin so (looks at Marissa) I'm takin my best guess Marissa: which is Ryan: ...you an Trey Marissa: what, you think we hooked up (Ryan doesn't say anything) you know what thanks alot (walks away) for the vote of confidence Ryan: (follows) hey look you've ben acting strange ever since I got back anTreys avoiding me what...what am I spose'ta think Marissa: (angry) your suppose'ta give me a little more credit Ryan: (moves in front of Marissa) ok fine (Marissa looks at him) tell me Marissa: (scoffs) I didn't hook up with him (walks away) (Ryan looks over his shoulder) (looks back) an if you don't believe me why don't you ask your brother what happened! (Marissa walks away and Ryan watches, frowning) CUT TO: The diner - Seth and Zach are sitting opposite Reed in a booth. Reed is looking at them both Seth: I understand your probably...a little bit upset about the launch, well, I think one day pretty soon, we're all gonna have a good laugh about this , ha-ha-ha (Zach looks at him) I know that day feels far off, but comedy is jus tragedy...plus time (Reed looks at him, unimpressed) Zach: Reed we're really sorry, we had a huge opportunity an we blew it...I hope we can make it up to you Reed: thankyou Zach Seth: (looks at Zach) I was gonna say that (points) Reed: look I hate ta give you guys good news but unfortunately I have some...George Lucas (raises eyebrows) is interested in Atomic County (Seth looks shocked) he might wanna make it into his next movie Seth: oh my god Zach: (mouth open in shock) this is incredible (huge smile) Seth: (looks at Zach) oh my god it's happened we're this decades uh-uh (points) Matt an Ben Reed: look he's coming to town an he wants to sit down with you guys, but here's the deal (puts up a finger) only one'a you can take the meeting Seth: (smile goes) what Zach: (frowns) Reed Reed: face it, you two can't do anything together except whine about Summer, I can't face another debacle I can't handle another debacle (puts up her hands) I (closes her eyes) no, one (hold up one finger and raises her eyebrows) (Seth and Zach look at each other) Seth: well which one of us do you want Reed: unfortunately I am pissed off enough that I don't even care (Zach listens) but George is coming to town tomorrow night so he an I will be at Al Forno's an one'a you will be there (stands) an if either of you utter the name Summer, so help me god (clenches her teeth) (Reed leaves) Zach: dude this is amazing, I have'ta go to that meeting, d'you realise what this could do for me Seth: hold on buddy I've ben dreaming about meeting George Lucas since I was like a fetus Zach: I thought you wanted to go ta prom with Summer Seth: (points) I think you said that to, I think you did (looks up, thinking) yeah ya did Zach: alright uh (thinks) so one of us takes the meeting, the other one goes to prom Seth: alright Zach: d'you have any ideas how ta settle this (holds his hands out) Seth: (sighs) no (frowns, shajes his head) not even one CUT TO: Cohen front door - Sandy opens the door and Caleb is standing there Caleb: how is she Sandy: well she's doin alright, a little rattled (shuts the door) Caleb: I hope she'd be rattled, drunk driving at her age...is a disgrace (they are now in the kitchen) Sandy: what Kirsten needs right now is a little support, if ya can't give her that then (motions with his head) show yourself out Caleb: I see your employing your usual soft ball approach, that might be appropriate when your son runs off ta Portland but this is a tad more serious Sandy: I know how to help my wife (looks at Caleb) (Kirsten comes in) Kirsten: Sandy (Caleb looks at her) I uh I can-I can handle this Sandy: ok, ill be outside (Kirsten nods) (to Caleb) behave yourself (Sandy leaves) Caleb: I'm glad to see your still in one piece Kirsten: dad I know you're worried, but I'm fine...see, a couple of sprained fingers, not the end of the world...so (shrugs) how're things at the office Caleb: (moves closer to Kirsten) you could'a ben klled (raises eyebrows) Kirsten: I learned my lesson, always eat dinner Caleb: is that the lesson to be learnt here Kirsten: (looks at Caleb) I made an error in judgment...you should be familiar with that Caleb: this is not about me Kiki you have a problem (Kirsten looks at him) an my god, did you give any thought to your kids Kirsten: (upset) I am a good mother Caleb: (stern) your also an alcoholic (Kirsten looks at him, stunned) your mother was one to, she did her best to hide it but I always knew Kirsten: (yells) why do you think mom drank the way she did! why do you think Hailey left the house at seventeen, IF THIS FAMILY IS SCREWED UP IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU! Caleb: (yells) I gave you everything you ever wanted Kirsten: I may like my chardonnay but I am not gonna die alone AN THAT'S MORE THEN I CAN SAY FOR YOU! (Kirsten glares at Caleb and then leaves the kitchen. Caleb just stands there) CUT TO: Treys apartment - Ryan knocks on the door Ryan: (calls) Trey (no response) Trey you in there (Ryan takes his phone out and dials a number and then puts it up to his ear) Ryan: Trey look its me (we now see a close up Treys answering machine, and can hear the message from Ryan, without actually seeing Ryan) Ryan: I know you're avoiding me but I need to talk to you so...do me a favour call me back, bye (beep) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer is lying on her stomach, on a blanket, on the grass. with headphones on her ears and she's reading some sort of magazine. Zach and Seth walk over Zach: Summer Summer: (looks up and puts the head phones around her neck) what d'you want Seth: we both wanna take you to the prom, now I know it feels like deep down ya hate us both equally, but somewhere, if you look inside yourself (points to his chest) you've gotta hate one of us less Summer: I've tried choosing, when Seth went to Portland I chose Zach, when Zach went to Italy I chose Seth (frowns) somehow it jus doesn't seem to stick so I'm done deciding I am leaving it up to you guys (smiles) Seth: well what if we can't decide Summer: rock paper scissors, flip a coin I don't care how you do it (looks at them both, grins) bye (motions with her hands for them to leave) (Zach and Seth walk away) Zach: (frowns) so heads I go ta the prom, tails you go...? Seth: (frowns) ok fine (pulls out a coin) Zach: no wait wait wait hold on Seth: no, no chang'ies Zach: no I think we should wait (Seth listens) if we flipped a coin right now we're both gonna try an get out of whatever we're spose'ta do, but if we wait till right before the prom Seth: neither of us will have a chance to back out Zach: so meet you at your house before the prom Seth: alright (they both walk off in opposite directions) CUT TO: The pool house - Seth walks in the door and Ryan is in there, sitting in a chair. he waves to Seth, he doesn't look happy Seth: (sits on the step) somethin tells me you talked to Marissa Ryan: yeah, said she didn't hook up with Trey Seth: which is...good news right Ryan: somethin happened between em I know it Seth: well have you tried talkin ta Trey seein what he says Ryan: (nods) yeah I went over to his place today he wasn't there, an he's not takin my calls Seth: alright then your options are A you can sit here an you can spin conspiracy theories about Trey an Marissa or B, you can believe her, now my personal recommendation Ryan: let me guess B (closes his eyes) Seth: yes B believe her, an might I add first of all that you have no reason not to, but if you believe her you can put this weird...non fight behind you guys an you can go to prom together (points) Ryan: (laughs) I don't really think I'm in the mood to go to prom Seth: you have'ta go, an look, I mean maybe I've seen too many saved by the bells but if its taught me anything it sure has taught me that prom is a seminal moment, ok, its meant to be shared (looks at Ryan) Ryan: this about you an Summer (raises eyebrows) Seth: no...maybe, I don't- yes but only because Summer an I aren't gonna go to our prom cause of some stupid fight (Ryan listens) so you should really learn from the error of my ways please, somebody...really should (Seth looks at Ryan, Ryan looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - we hear a doorbell and then we see Julie answer the door, Caleb is standing there Julie: oh, well (puts her hand on her hip, smiles) is this a booty call Caleb: not in the least...I've come for my sleeping pills Julie: oh, well there upstairs (motions) (Caleb goes in and Julie shuts the door. Caleb motions to Julie 'after you' and Julie goes up the stairs, Caleb follows behind her - they are now upstairs) Julie: yeah I haven't ben sleeping very well either, this divorce it's so...ugly Caleb: oh its not that, I had an argument with Kirsten, our worst yet (sighs) I just can't stop thinking about it Julie: oh, well, I'm jus thinking outside the box here but you could apologise (looks at Caleb) Caleb: no, couldn't face her Julie: so write her a letter, say all the things your too stubborn to say to her face (Caleb looks at her) come on, we both know you can't stand ta fight with her Caleb: sometimes...you suprise me Juju (smiles) Julie: (smiles) hang on ill get your pills (Julie goes into the bathroom and opens the drawer) Caleb: orange bottle, blue an white label, little black an white things Julie: I know just a second (looks at a bottle) (we see Julie looking at the label, then the label on the bottle goes out of focus and Kirsten's reflection in the mirror comes into focus. she looks as though she's considering something) Caleb: I could've found them in half the time without my glasses (Julie comes back out) Julie: ok ok, here (hands the bottle to Caleb) now make sure you only take one Caleb: yeah yeah I know (goes to leave) Julie: wait Cal wait, would you like to do something tomorrow night, maybe get together (raises an eyebrow,. hopeful) Caleb: you asking me out on a date Julie: is that so odd (Caleb raises his eyebrows) alright I guess it is but just think of it as one last hoora, it'll probably be the last night we ever spend together Caleb: Julie, your not gonna seduce me out of this divorce I'm meeting my lawyer tomorrow to finalise the paperwork an I'm filing bright an early Monday morning Julie: so send me the papers, ill make the margs, we'll make a party out of it (smiles) Caleb: (smiles) oh why not, fitting end to a bizarre marriage like ours Julie: so ill see you tomorrow Caleb: (walking away) see ya tomorrow (waves) (the next thing we see is Julie back in the bathroom, she pulls back the top of a hand towel and underneath is a pile of blue and white pills. we hear the sound of the front door closing, and Julie looks as though she's thinking) CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan is walking by himself outside and he sees Marissa Ryan: hey Marissa: ...hi Ryan: (sighs) so (Marissa looks at him) I'm sorry...I went off on you yesterday I was confused Marissa: I get it, you know I've ben kind of all over the map lately to Ryan: no no you say nothing happened an I believe you (Marissa nods) you feel like going to prom Marissa: (smiles, excited) you mean it! (Marissa hugs Ryan and then they kiss) Ryan: thought you weren't inta PDA at school Marissa: hm I'm coming around (kisses Ryan again) (the camera pans passed Ryan and Marissa kissing to show Jess watching them near by, she has a smile on her face) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten is in there by herself looking exhausted and Sandy walks in Sandy: morning Kirsten: (looks up) morning Sandy: did you sleep at all last night (touches Kirsten's head) Kirsten: not a wink (Sandy kisses her head) (Kirsten rests her head on Sandy's chest, and Sandy rubs her arm) Sandy: listen I'm an expert at fighting with your father (Kirsten half smiles) an believe me every time you think you've driven him away...he comes roarin back askin for more you couldn't bat him off with a stick (smiles) Kirsten: oh, but the things I said... Sandy: he'll forgive you, give it some time (Kirsten looks at him) Kirsten: I guess so (small smile) Sandy: (leans down to Kirsten's level) how bout we lay low tonight...we'll order some take out...maybe watch one'a Seth's DVDs Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) I should try an talk to my dad (nods) Sandy: if we're gonna get through this all by ourselves...we need'ta get back on solid ground Kirsten: well I've never seen the house of flying daggers (smiles) (Sandy kisses Kirsten and Kirsten looks at him lovingly) CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan is at his locker and Jess is standing near him. Ryan shuts his locker and notices her Jess: (smiles) scared you Ryan: Jess Jess: walk me to class, feel like we haven't chatted in a while Ryan: (looks at Jess) what'do you want Jess: a date for the prom, you taken Ryan: yeah Jess: let me guess, Marissa Cooper...does it bother you...getting your brothers sloppy seconds Ryan: look nothing happened between Marissa an Trey ok Jess: your getting your chain yanked Atwood, bad Ryan: alright fine, you got the story id love to hear it Jess: ask your brother, although I don't think he's to anxious to share since he took off for Chino last night Ryan: (looks at Jess then leans in closer) (softly) you better not be screwin with me Jess: apparently, I'm (raises eyebrows) the only one who's not (Jess smiles and walks away, Ryan looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - we see Zach's hand holding the coin, and then we see Seth and Zach standing opposite each other Seth: ok, I'm prepared for whatever fate throws my way tonight, I have a tuxedo pressed incase I'm goin to the prom Zach: mines in the trunk Seth: alright, and if I am in fact meeting with George Lucas (turns and holds up a shirt) I have my boba fett t-shirt {sorry to all the Star Wars fans, if that name is wrong!} Zach: (looks at the little shirt Seth is holding up) dude it's a little small (frowns) Seth: I got it when I was eight (puts the shirt down) hopefully it'll stretch (motions to the coin) shall we Zach: you do the honours (holds out the coin) Seth: ok, heads I go to the prom tails you Zach: great (Seth flicks the coin into the air and looks up as it falls back down. Zach's eyes follow it as Seth catches it with one hand, Seth turns his hand over and down onto the top of his other hand, keeping the coin covered. they are both looking at Seth's hands. Seth looks at Zach, and Zach looks at Seth and then they both look back down, they lean forward to see the result. we unfortunately don't get to see it! we just see there expressions) Zach: works for me Seth: just as I hoped Zach: good luck tonight man, have fun (touches Seth's arm) Seth: yeah (nods) same to you (Seth drops the coin into Zach's top pocket and Zach leaves. Seth waves to him and then we see him frowning) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - we see 2 hands breaking open a tablet and the contents fall into a greeny coloured drink. we can now see that it was Julie's hands, she puts the opened tablet with a whole bunch of others sitting on a tray, and then she stirs the green drink {which turns out to be margaritas} Caleb: (off screen) Julie (Julie looks worried, she picks up the tray that has all the opened tablets on it, and takes it over to the counter - outside by the pool we see Caleb) Julie: (off screen, calls) just a second (on screen) I-I'm coming (Julie takes a breath in to compose herself and then joins Caleb outside, carrying the jug of margaritas) Julie: oh, your early (smiles) Caleb: (referring to Julies outfit) I see you've pulled out all the stops (Julie looks at him) one last ditch effort to stop this divorce from going forward Julie: god, paranoid much, I jus wanted one last night with you (Caleb looks at her, skeptical) an if you don't believe me (picks up a piece of paper) here Caleb: (reads) you signed Julie: told ya, so now maybe you can relax...have a drink take a dip, hm (pours the margarita into a glass) here I made it jus the way you like it...on the rocks, plenty of salt (Caleb takes the glass, and Julie looks almost anxious) Caleb: (goes to drink, then changes his mind) I think ill start with a scotch Julie: ok, no hurry on the margs (smiles) scotch it is (takes the glass back) (Julie goes back inside with the margarita, she looks frustrated) CUT TO: Chino - we see Ryan walk into that bar/pool hall place from the earlier episode where Trey runs to Chino and Marissa and Ryan had to go save him. {217} Ryan sees Trey at a pool table, he walks over and stands in front of him Trey: (sees Ryan) Ryan, good ta see ya man Ryan: cut the crap Trey, you got somethin you wanna tell me Trey: what'do you mean Ryan: about Marissa (looks at Trey) Trey: ...alright, fine let's uh take a seat, get a drink (Ryan and Trey go over to the bar and sit down) Trey: uh two seven sevens uh...one seven seven an one just seven (points) (Ryan looks at him) ...when you were in Miami Marissa an I we got drunk together Ryan: an you came onto her Trey: (offended) man why do you always assume that it's my fault Ryan: (looks at Trey) cause it always is Trey: anyway we were both wasted, really wasted (nods) on the beach an your girl she can drink but she can't hold her liquor (Ryan looks at him) ...look I'm sorry, Ryan (Ryan looks at him) ...she threw herself at me Ryan: I don't believe you Trey: look she an I agreed not ta tell you because we thought it'd be better if you didn't know Ryan: there's no way (Trey looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at Trey. Trey looks at Ryan) Ryan: (looks at Trey) d'you swear Trey: on mom (Ryan looks at him) I wouldn't lie to you Ryan (raises eyebrows, seriously) not about this (drinks) (Ryan turns around to leave) Trey: Ryan I- Ryan: I gotta go Trey: (stands) man I'm so sorry (the next thing we see is Ryan walking down the street by himself. he takes out his phone and dials a number) Ryan: Marissa hey its me um...I'm not feelin well so...I'm not gonna make prom...sorry (hangs up) (Ryan goes to walk away, and he stops when he hears Theresa's voice) Theresa: Ryan (Ryan looks over and we see Theresa standing across the road with a grocery bag covering her stomach. a truck drives by passed covering her, and then we see her closer up. she's staring at Ryan) Ryan: Theresa CUT TO: Theresa and Ryan walking together - he's carrying the groceries for her and they are walking along the footpath Ryan: so what're you doin back huh Theresa: I'm visiting my mom for the weekend...believe it or not...I miss it here (laughs to herself) I mean it might not be paradise but its home Ryan: and Atlanta Theresa: its fine, for now (nods) Ryan: (turns to Theresa) you know I uh I wrote you all those letters Theresa: (nods) I know...I needed a clean break Ryan: or you were mad cause I left Theresa: I wanted you ta leave, you belong in Newport I mean...which doesn't explain, why are you back here (looks at Ryan) Ryan: Trey (smiles) Theresa: he's outta jail Ryan: yeah he was crashin with the Cohen's for a little while, everything was going good but Theresa: let me guess...Trey got inta trouble Ryan: he hooked up with Marissa (looks at Theresa, Theresa looks at him) Trey says she came onta him, she says nothin happened I don't know who to believe Theresa: I do (nods) (Ryan looks at her) Ryan, Trey has ben jerking you around you entire life I mean, an Marissa- Ryan: has made mistakes Theresa: she would never hurt you like that (shakes her head) Ryan: how do you know (frowns) Theresa: cause last year when I needed you, you know she...she let you go (Ryan listens) even though it broke her heart...they both love you but...of the two of them Marissa is the one that you can trust (Ryan looks at her, Theresa shrugs) Theresa: well, this is me (points) Ryan: oh is your mom in ill say hey Theresa: yeah but um well its getting kind of late Ryan: alright, let me help you in (goes to go to the door) Theresa: no it's ok, I got it (smiles, takes the groceries) Ryan: yeah, you sure Theresa: yeah Ryan: ok Theresa: talk ta Marissa (nods) make this right Ryan: yeah I will Theresa: ok (kisses Ryan on the cheek) take care Ryan: yeah (Theresa goes to the door and opens it) Theresa: (waves) bye (we see Theresa go inside and then Ryan walk away - the next thing we see is Theresa coming in the door, inside. Theresa's mom is there holding a baby {but we can only see it from the back, and only really the blanket} we can hear baby noises as well) Theresa: (puts the groceries down then has a big smile on her face) hi T's mom: somebody missed you (Theresa goes over to her mom and the baby. her mom holds the baby up a little, we see the arms but nothing else) T's mom: oh he looks more an more like his daddy every day (Theresa looks at her mom, then back down at the baby) CUT TO: Summers house - the limousine pulls up out the front. we see Summer waiting. she looks at the door as it begins to open, after a few seconds the door is fully open and Zach steps out. Summer definitely looks disappointed for a second, she smiles but its a sad one. Zach smiles and walks over to her, holding a box Summer: I'm glad its you Zach: I didn't know what magenta was so I got you white (holds out the corsage) Summer: perfect (smiles) CUT TO: The prom - we see a sculpture of a mermaid sitting in front of a huge clam shell, with a big underwater back drop behind it. and different fish, sea horses etc around. a couple stands in front of this and has their photo taken by a photographer. the camera zooms out to show Zach and Summer walking in Zach: (points) we're suppose'ta get our picture taken with the mermaid, I think its mandatory for the year book Summer: ok um (Summer sees Marissa standing by herself, looking bored) Summer: jus give me a second, ok Zach: ok (Summer goes over to Marissa) Summer: Coop (smiles) (Marissa turns around, smiles) hey Marissa: hey Summer: under the O Sea is awesome Marissa: thanks Summer: where's Ryan Marissa: (looks down) he...couldn't make it...he's sick Summer: sick, too sick to take you ta prom, well he better be really sick, like dad because if he's not I'm gonna strangle him with his own wife beater Marissa: its ok, you know I mean I've got plenty ta do anyway (Summer looks at her, worried) ill be ok (smiles and walks off) CUT TO: Al Forno's- we see Reed, Seth and George Lucas sitting at a table. the waiter is also there GL: ill have a seltzer on the rocks with a twist'a lemon Seth: I'm gonna have the same (fascinated) seltzer on the (points) George Lucas drinks seltzer, every-everything you do every little detail to me it's just uh (smiles) I don't know its fascinating GL: you're to kind (Reed smiles) Seth: let me ask you jus one question (puts up a finger) an then I promise we'll get into the...book, um (thinks) how'did you first come up with the light saber (George looks at him) Reed: I'm sure Mr. Lucas doesn't have time for such large scale questions (smiles at George) Seth: ok, fine ill go smaller (frowns) ...did you go to your prom GL: prom (looks at Seth, Seth nods) Reed: (puts her hand to her head) oh my god GL: as in, prom Seth: I just uh it's a personal thing an I was kinda wondering if you went to yours, it'd really help me out GL: well, actually I didn't (Seth puts his hand up as if to say 'I see') I spent my time being creative, drawing ewoks, jar jar binks Seth: good to know, if George Lucas can skip his prom, I can skip mine (Reed looks at him) GL: no now wait a minute, I do regret not going to my prom Seth: really, because it's like a seminal moment GL: exactly (nods) Reed: Mr. Lucas I am so sorry we can get back to the point now GL: (puts up his hands) no no no wait, it would be good for me to talk about this, the prom is a great American tradition (Seth listens) its important to experience the things of being a teenager, when your a teenager (Seth nods) when I went off an made my film American graffiti id never had the experience of a prom an I had to make a movie about it, I felt... hopelessly inadequate without having...really done it myself (Seth looks at Reed) not having ben part of that pivotal moment in teenage life uh I felt very sad an...alone CUT TO: The prom - Summer and Zach are slow dancing together. we hear a buzzing noise Summer: you're buzzing Zach: uh yeah Reeds sending me text messages (frowns) I don't have'ta check em Summer: go ahead (Zach takes his phone out and reads the messages) Zach: oh my god, she's saying George Lucas is checked out, god Seth is totally ignoring the talking points (Summer looks at Zach) he-he always (looks at Summer) I'm-I'm sorry Summer: it's ok Zach: no, its not, this is ridiculous, I'm here...with you at prom, jus like I wanted Summer: if you have'ta talk yourself inta this (frowns) it probably means (shakes her head) you shouldn't be here Zach: I'm your date, even though you didn't want me to be Summer: (looks at Zach) I did want you to be Zach: no (shakes his head) you didn't...I saw your face when I got outta the limo Summer: and I saw yours (nods) you wanna be there talking about your comic book with Reed (Zach looks at her) look my prom fantasy it didn't quite happen but (smiles) you've ben dreaming about this comic book your whole life, this is your sht you should go Zach: I can't abandon you Summer: (looks at Zach, softly) I did it to you Zach: good point (smiles) Summer: go, save Cohen from himself (smiles) (Zach smiles and kisses Summer on the cheek, then he leaves. Summer watches him go with a sad smile) CUT TO: Al Forno's Seth: so we ended up, well we flipped a coin GL: (suprised) you flipped a coin Seth: yeah an you know I know it sounds crazy but at the time- (Seth looks over and sees Zach motioning for him to come over) Seth: will you excuse me for one second, ill be right back (puts up a finger) (Seth gets up from the table - the next thing we see is Seth and Zach out the front together) Seth: hey, you didn't have'ta come here Zach: look, we need'a settle this thing once an for all and I think for the first time you an I both know where we need to be Seth: (realises) you want the comic book (points) Zach: an you want Summer (Seth looks at him) alright (takes his jacket off) ok you don't have much time, so take this Seth: alright (puts the jacket on) wow thanks man CUT TO: Cohen family room - a tired looking Kirsten walks in. . Sandy is already in there Sandy: so movie time, now Seth recommends shaun of the dad, he says it's a very funny romantic zombie comedy (sits on the couch) Kirsten: (laughs) actually I'm pretty wiped out, I'm gonna go soak in a hot bath (we hear the doorbell) Sandy: the foods here Kirsten: (reluctant) ill wait then, I can take a bath later Sandy: (thinks) you know what, go ahead (stands) we can heat the food up when you're done Kirsten: mm thanks (kisses Sandy on the cheek) (Sandy answers the door) Sandy: hey (feels his back pocket) you know what I don't have my wallet, hang on a second (puts up a finger) let me grab some cash (Sandy goes to Kirsten's bag which is nearby. he looks in and pulls out a small bottle of vodka, he looks at the bottle then looks up, shocked) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - we see Julie swimming underwater in the pool. she comes up near the edge and sits there. still in the pool but closer to Caleb who is sitting on the edge with his legs dangling in. the margaritas from earlier are also sitting near by Julie: mmm (laughs) (Caleb looks at her) so uh, you about ready for this marg (picks it up) Caleb: why not (goes to drink and stops) you know (Julie looks at him, anxiously) I've never ben in this pool before Julie: well your...more of a land shark Caleb: (laughs then goes to drink) we should've done this...sort of thing more...enjoyed each other more Julie: well we had our moments Caleb: (smiles) I spose this calls for a toast (Julie picks up her drink) you know I-I really did love you, Juju Julie: ooooh, past tense, that stings (looks at Caleb) Caleb: sorry, grammatical error (raises eyebrows) to us (Caleb clinks his glass with Julie, and Julie is just staring. Caleb goes to finally drink) Julie: (panics, yells) wait stop! Caleb: (looks at Julie) what Julie: uh (frowns) I didn't put lime in your drink (takes the glass from Caleb) let me make you a new one Caleb: oh, there's no need (laughs) (Julie ignores him and gets out of the pool. Caleb watches her, almost lovingly. Julie goes over to the sink and tips the drink out) CUT TO: Prom - Marissa and Summer are standing together Summer: well, it looks like we're both flying solo up on prom night Marissa: why what happened to Zach Summer: oh, he went to go save his comic book Marissa: (looks at Summer) are you ok Summer: yeah (nods) so (shrugs) prom was a let down, you know but I bet it is for everybody, it's like new years Marissa: well we could always go back to your house Summer: yeah, curl up with Princess Sparkle, watch the season one of The Valley on DVD Marissa: mm that sounds perfect Summer: yeah (nods) Marissa: come on Summer: alright (they turn around to leave when a guy on stage starts speaking into the mic. they both turn around to look) Emcee: alright it's the moment we've all ben waiting for, its time to announce Harbor schools prom king an queen (everybody cheers and claps. Summer and Marissa look at each other) Emcee: and your prom queen tonight...Summer Roberts, Summer come on up here (more cheers and clapping. Summer closes her eyes in disbelief, Marissa looks worried for her) Summer: oh no, get me outta here (Marissa claps) Emcee: and your prom king...Zach Stevens Summer: I'm makin a run for it (Summer goes to leave but the spotlight gets shone on her) Emcee: now if the king an queen could join me on stage they'll kick off your spotlight dance (Summer slowly turns back around, reluctantly) Emcee: (points) there's the queen we've found her (Summer smiles, Marissa smiles) we're half way there, Summer Roberts come on up here (Summer goes onto the stage with the emcee. we hear whistles and "alright Summer" "yeah Summer" from the crowd. Marissa watches as the emcee places the tiara on Summers head. everyone claps. Summer turns around and smiles. Marissa claps, happy for Summer) Emcee: Zach Stevens we're waiting (Marissa looks worried for Summer. and from the crowd we hear "where's Zach" "Zach where'd you go) Emcee: Zach Stevens we're waiting Summer: (softly) no ones coming (Summer looks down sadly. Marissa looks sad for her. Summer stands on the stage by herself. the sht changes and we see Seth run into the room. Summer notices him and she looks suprised, Marissa also notices him. Seth pushes his way through the crowd and jumps up onto the stage with Summer) Summer: Cohen Seth: (out of breath) I'm sorry I'm late I was...caught in traffic (Summer sort of smiles, while looking at him) I'm on stage (in the crowd we hear a guy yell out "that's not Zach Stevens) Seth: (points) no I'm not Emcee: I think you should step down, you're not the prom king (in the crowd we hear "Seth Cohen's a tool) Seth: (takes the mic) ok, I know I'm not, who you all imagined...as prom king (swallows) seeing as how I'm not who any of you actually voted for but (points) she's the queen (looks at Summer) an I love her...so I guess that that makes me king (points) Summer: Cohen Seth: no I'm jus the guy standing next to you, your the queen (raises eyebrows) alright I'm...the jester, perhaps, if that works (Summer looks at him) so let me ask you this your highness (sincerely) ...what can I do to make it up to you Summer: (smiles) well you- Seth: uh (holds the mic out to Summer) Summer: (touches Seth's hand) well (smiles/laughs) you can start by dancing with me {at this point the song Fix You by Coldplay begins to play. I mention this because it is an amazing song, and it complements the following scenes absolutely perfectly! I will be including the lyrics heard in italics. this song plays through to the end, with a brief break in the last Kirsten/Sandy scene} (Summer smiles, and Seth takes her in his arms as he puts the mic back on its stand. he then gives her a big kiss. in the crowd we hear something like "god he's a tool". they then start to slow dance) Heard over the above scene: When you try your best but you don't succeed (in the crowd Marissa's watches them, sadly. all the couples around her start dancing together and after a few seconds she decides to leave) Heard over the above scene: When you get what you want but not what you need when you feel so tired but you cant sleep, stuck in reverse (we now see Seth and Summer still dancing on stage together. Seth has his hands just above her butt, and she has hers around his waist {aww} the camera zooms out to show all the couples dancing) Heard over the above scene: An the tears come streamin down your face (we are now outside of the prom - Marissa is standing on the grass behind a familiar bench {its the same setting as 104, when she is upset at the Cotillion} Marissa is standing there with his arms folded, looking very lost and lonely. the camera pans to the right and we see Ryan standing near the stairs. Marissa has her back to him) Ryan: Marissa Marissa: (turns around) Ryan (Ryan slowly walks over to Marissa, smiling. Marissa smiles back, almost shyly. Marissa puts her hands around Ryan's neck and Ryan puts his hands on Marissa's waist. Marissa's puts her head on Ryan's shoulder, and Ryan has his buried in Marissa's. they slowly dance together. Marissa has her eyes closed and her hands resting on Ryan's back) Ryan: (softly) sorry I missed prom Marissa: (opens her eyes and then closes them, contently) you're just in time (Ryan wraps his arms around Marissa tighter, and closes his eyes. they continue dancing as the camera zooms out {aww}) Heard over the above scene: When you lose somethin you cant replace when you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, an I will try to fix you CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - we see a close up of Caleb still sitting beside the pool, he looks almost happy! we then see inside with Julie. she's remaking Caleb's margarita for him - we see Caleb again, he has a smile on his face and then all of a sudden it goes. he looks worried and he grabs his chest and starts leaning forward Caleb: (strained call) Julie (screws up his face) (we see Julie drinking alcohol straight from the bottle) Caleb: (stands, still holding his chest) (a little louder) Julie (Caleb lets go of his chest and tries to grab hold of the side of the pool, he grabs his chest again and falls into the pool head first. we see him fall to the bottom and just lie there. Julie comes out carrying his new margarita) Julie: (stops) Cal (Julie sees Caleb at the bottom of the pool) Julie: (screams) CAL! (Julie drops the margarita and we hear the glass smashing on the concrete, she runs to the pool and dives in. she swims to the bottom and grabs Caleb around the waist, pulling him towards the surface) { I just have to say, Julies scream really shows you how much she cares about him. it gives you chills! and makes you sad} Heard over the above scene: An high up above or down below when your to in love to let it go but if you never try you'll never know just watch an learn Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is in there by himself and Kirsten comes in Kirsten: oh, that moo shoo smells great (smiles) Sandy: what're we gonna do about you Heard over the above scene, then the music stops all together: and I will try to fix you (Kirsten looks at him) Sandy: I found your stash (takes out the bottle of vodka) Kirsten: its just incase Sandy: an I trusted you...I believed you when you said you were done Kirsten: Sandy, I'm doing this my own way Sandy: how...by sneakin around...by lyin to me Kirsten: I jus don't want you ta baby-sit me like I'm some wayward child Sandy: well maybe that's exactly what you need (Kirsten looks at him) right now I feel more like your dad then I feel like your husband (Kirsten looks away from him. the phone rings. Kirsten looks over to it and Sandy gets up to answer it) Sandy: hello...what, Julie...huh (Kirsten looks over, worried) (frowns) wait-wait-wait calm down, wh- say that again (Kirsten looks more worried) oh my god...I understand...of course (hangs up then turns around to face Kirsten, stunned) it's about your father Kirsten: well what is it...(shaky voice) he's alright isn't he (looks at Sandy) Sandy: (moves closer) ...he's dad (Kirsten looks away) I am so sorry (touches Kirsten's arm) (Sandy looks at her helplessly. Kirsten pulls her arm away from him. Sandy puts his hand on her back. Kirsten turns around and picks up the 'just incase' bottle of vodka. she slowly walks passed Sandy and out of the kitchen. she looks emotionless and numb. Sandy just stands there watching her, helplessly) - Fade out	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "02x23 - The O.Sea"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Sandy's office at home - the first thing we see is a close up of a brochure. we see a picture of some palm trees, a fountain and a beautiful view. along the bottom reads 'HOLISTIC DRUG REHAB HEALING AND WELLNESS PROGRAM. Sandy is on the phone while holding the brochure in his hand Sandy: I can meet you right away (Sandy turns the brochure over and we see that it is the SURIAK TREATMENT CENTER one from before) Sandy: I want to...I have a funeral to go to in a couple of hours so I gotta keep it brief but...the sooner the better...thankyou (hangs up) (we see an aerial sht of the houses and then we see Seth coming down the stairs in the Cohen house. Kirsten walks by just as he steps off the stairs. they both don't look so great) Seth: hey Kirsten: hi Seth: (worried) everything ok Kirsten: ben better (sad smile) Seth: (looks at Kirsten) I'm sorry about everything Kirsten: that's ok sweetie (touches Seth's cheek) he loved you very much Seth: yeah, I'm gonna miss him Kirsten: need anything Seth: no I'm jus looking for my cell phone charger an my batteries dad Kirsten: there might be a charger in your dad's office, I'm gonna get ready Seth: alright (Kirsten walks off - the next thing we see is Seth opening the drawers in Sandy's desk. he opens one and closes it, then another, he lifts up some papers and then closes it. he opens another and rests his finger on the blue SURIAK brochure. he picks it up and looks at it, frowning) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan draws up a blind and then opens the door. Seth walks in the other door Ryan: (sees Seth) oo, hey Seth: hi Ryan: how you doin Seth: (frowns and looks at Ryan) well I was depressed (holds out the brochure) now I'm depressed an confused Ryan: (looks at the brochure) it's a rehab center where'd you get this Seth: my dads office...an I don't think he's tryin'a kick bagels (frowns) Ryan: (looks up) I don't think it's for your dad (Seth looks where Ryan is looking and we see Kirsten lower a blind at the main house, she looks completely out of it. Seth and Ryan both look worried) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Suriak rehab - Sandy is there talking with the Dr in thegarden Dr: why don't you tell me a little more about your wife, about her history Sandy: you know well Kirsten's always enjoyed a glass'a wine or two...but in the last few months, it's changed, she's changed Dr: changed how Sandy: she switched to vodka for starters...last week she had a car accident (shakes his head) an now I'm afraid with the loss of her father things are gonna get worse (looks at Dr) Dr: I assume you'd want her to have a residential treatment (Sandy raises his eyebrows) as you can see (we see the setting from the brochure, almost identical) we provide a confidential an peaceful environment for recovery (looks at Sandy) Sandy) you know doctor I (sighs) I might be over reacting Dr: (nods) I know how hard it is to accept, we all wanna think we can get someone we love through something like this Sandy: (looks away) ...she's not gonna come voluntarily Dr: very few of our patients check themselves in (Sandy looks at the Dr, then looks away. he looks worried and unsure) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Marissa is looking at her bruise in the mirror, she pulls her robe aside to get a better look and puts her finger on it. we hear a knock at the door, she panics and quickly closes her robe back over the bruise Marissa: I'm getting ready Julie: (opens the door and goes in) hey, all'a my black dresses look like they should be accessorised with a broom stick (Marissa looks at her) d'you have anything I can borrow Marissa: it's a funeral mom not a fashion show (Julie looks hurt) ...(frowns) sorry um (stands) look let me see what I've got ok Julie: (puts her hand out) wait, I can do it Marissa: no, you've ben through...more then enough (folds her arms) (shrugs) I didn't mean to be a bitch Julie: apples an trees, you are my daughter Marissa: (half smiles) which means I must have something that'll look great on you (Julie smiles and we hear the doorbell. Marissa frowns. - we then see a silhouette standing at the front door pressing the doorbell. Marissa comes down the stairs and opens the door. Jimmy is standing there, he smiles at her) Marissa: (suprised) dad Jimmy: hey kiddo (smiles) Marissa: (huge smile) hey (Marissa hugs Jimmy. she looks happy but confused. we see Julie come down the stairs and stop) Jimmy: hey Jules Julie: Jimmy...what're you doing here Jimmy: well you didn't think id leave you two alone during all this did ya (Marissa and Julie don't say anything) well I could see how you might but I'm (shakes his head) I'm so sorry, I really am Julie: its really good to see you (smiles) Marissa: yeah (smiles) really good Jimmy: well I'm sure its ben a hard week but uh...we'll get through it (Marissa smiles, Jimmy smiles back then looks up at Julie. Julie half smiles) CUT TO: Cohen front door - we hear a doorbell, then we see Kirsten go to answer the door. she's now dressed for the funeral. Kirsten opens the door and Hailey is standing there Hailey: (smiles) hey sis Kirsten: hey (Kirsten and Hailey hug. Kirsten closes her eyes) Hailey: oh it's so good to see you (Kirsten smiles and shuts the door) Hailey: (puts down her bag) he said his heart thing was no big deal (sighs) not worth flying home for Kirsten: he didn't wanna worry you (puts her arm around Hailey) you were his little girl Hailey: (sadly) mm I know...but after all these years I caused him nothing but stress an anxiety (sighs) Kirsten: (looks at Hailey) nothing made him more proud then seeing you get your life together...me (puts her hands on her hips) last time I saw him...I told him he was gonna die alone (Kirsten walks away and Hailey watches her) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Seth is on his bed reading a book called SEX, DRUGS, AND COCOA PUFFS* by Chuck klosterman. we hear a knock and then Summer walks in, holding Princess Sparkle in her hand Seth: (looks up) hey Summer: hey Cohen, Captain Oats around (gets on the bed) I brought him some company Seth: Princess Sparkle you're in my room Summer: yeah (frowns) I figured Oats'd be pretty down, could use the companionship of someone sweet an pretty with shinier hair, that would just you know...be there for him (puts Princess Sparkle next to Captain Oats) Seth: yeah, well Captains pretty lucky Summer: yeah well, if he gets fresh with her its straight to the glue factory (holds Seth's hand) Seth: hey Summer: (moves closer to Seth) hi...I know (looks at Seth) you an your grandpa were close Seth: (looks down) it's actually my mom that I'm worried about Summer: (frowns) your mom Seth: yeah (frowns) ...this morning I was in my dads office an I found a uh found a brochure for rehab Summer: (looks at Seth) oh my god, well has she ben drinking alot Seth: well I mean she's a WASP living in Orange County (looks at Summer) so it's all relative right (Summer listens) I don't know she has...a glass'a wine at dinner, maybe two Summer: anymore then that Seth: that's the thing I've ben so self involved this passed year I don't even know, I have no idea (looks at Summer) an I'm sure its you know...at least partially my fault, I know running away was really hard on her last summer an- Summer: (frowns) Cohen, no offense but your being self involved again (looks at Seth, half smiles) I think this is bigger then you (nods) Seth: (puts his head back and sighs) I should go put on my tie, it always takes me a few tries Summer: yeah (Summer puts her other arm {the one that's not holding his hand) under his arm and rests her head on his shoulder) CUT TO: Treys apartment - we see Jess sitting outside the front door. Trey walks up Trey: I didn't think you got up this early Jess: (stands) well maybe I haven't ben to sleep yet, something's come up (Trey unlocks the door and goes inside. Jess follows him) Trey: what's goin on Jess: its graduation time (shuts the door) which always means big business, got a call from a couple'a kids who basically supply Garden Grove (sits on the arm of the couch) Trey: (raises eyebrows, looks at Jess then away) I'm real happy for ya Jess: for us (smiles) it's gonna be huge, like fifteen grand (looks at Trey) ill give you half Trey: (scoffs) an why would you do that Jess: cause I need your help (Jess reaches back and picks up her bag, she unzips it and takes out a gn. she holds the gn out to Trey) Trey: where the hell did you get that Jess: d'you know how to use it Trey: (takes the gn off Jess and puts it on the coffee table) I'm not like a snper or anything Jess: can you point it at somebody like you mean it (Trey looks at her) then you get half (goes over to Trey) now (stands either side of Treys legs) I definitely (Trey looks at her) need to get some sleep (Jess nods and walks away, teasingly. Trey looks at the gn) CUT TO: Calebs funeral - the first thing we see is a winding road next to the ocean. we see cars slowly driving down the road in a line, most of them are black. this fades to a close up of the cars still coming. this then fades to them arriving at the funeral service. we see Seth get out of a limo, and then Sandy gets out on the opposite side followed by Kirsten. Ryan gets out the same side Seth did. this fades to a zoomed out sht of the cars,people etc. this fades to a sht of Julie getting out of the car, and Jimmy is with her. Jimmy shuts the door and they begin to walk away {its interesting to note that both Kirsten and Julie are wearing dark glasses to hide their eyes} we see Kirsten walking near them and when she sees them she looks almost happy. Hailey gets out of the car in the background. Jimmy goes over and gives Kirsten a hug, Kirsten mouths 'thanks for coming'. Sandy kisses Julie on the cheek. Julie looks as though she's been crying, or is teary now, I can't tell because of the glasses! Kirsten says "Julie" and then they start walking in together. this then fades to a sht of everybody starting to walk in) VO: we are gathered here today to pay our last respects to Caleb Nichol (we are now inside the chapel. it is the same one that Caleb and Julie we're married in :'(. the coffin is sitting at the front with a big flower arrangement resting on top. this fades to Sandy standing in front of everyone, saying the eulogy) VO: his loss is felt across the county Sandy: Caleb Nichol was not a man'a many words (we see Marissa and Julie sitting in the front pew on the left. Jimmy is in the pew behind them and Summer is sitting next to him) Sandy: he was however a brilliant man (we see Seth and Ryan sitting in the second pew from the front, on the right) Sandy: he leaves a legacy of possibility (we see that Kirsten and Hailey are sitting in the front pew on the right) Sandy: but, his true achievement, were his children (we see a close up of Kirsten starting to break down) Sandy: he was a caring father, a wonderful grandfather (Seth puts his hand on Kirsten's shoulder, for comfort) a truly terrible father in-law (this fades to Hailey in front of everybody) Hailey: though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil (this fades to everybody starting to stand. Seth, Ryan, Kirsten, Hailey & Jimmy aren't in the pews anymore. Sandy's eulogy continues as a voice over) Sandy VO: so, he may be gone, but he won't soon be forgotten...rest in peace Cal, an if you can't do that I'm sure heaven could use a few more Mc mansions (we see Kirsten standing with her hand on her mouth, upset. Sandy and Seth walk by, followed by Ryan. the camera zooms out to show they are carrying Caleb's coffin. Sandy and Seth are at the front on either side, with Ryan behind Sandy on the left. I am sure Jimmy would also be helping (as he was missing from the pews) but you don't see him. the last thing we see is a close up of the front of the coffin, with Sandy and Seth's hands still holding it) Heard over the above scene: where are we? what the hell is going on? the dust has only just began to fall crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling spin me around again and rub my eyes, this can't be happening when busy streets a mess with people would stop to hold their heads heavy Hide and Seek you don't care a bit you don't care a bit you don't care a bit you don't care a bit CUT TO: The Bait Shop - someone puts a crate down on the bar. Jess walks off the stairs and over towards Trey, who is working behind the bar Trey: (not happy to see Jess) what're you doing here (puts the crate on the floor) (Jess looks at him) you know I have'ta work for a living Jess: yeah, well keep hanging out with me an soon you wont have to Trey: let me ask you a question, why don't you ever worry about like calculus or Armenian? History like a normal teenager Jess: bad parenting (raises eyebrows) so, looks like everything's gonna go down tonight, an it's gonna go down here Trey: oh no no, what'do you mean here Jess: I needed some place public, the last kid who sold to these guys ended up with a tire iron upside the head Trey: (looks at Jess) great Jess: look if you don't wanna do it (smiles) Trey: look I (clenches his teeth) (softly) I said I'm gonna do it an I will, but after this I am done (Trey takes the crate and walks away. Jess looks happy) CUT TO: The Cohen's house/the wake - we see a gorgeous picture of Caleb and Kirsten in a picture frame, sitting on a table with some food. the camera pans and we see Hailey walk inside, she smiles and goes over to Jimmy who is getting himself some food Hailey: I figured if I didn't initiate, you wouldn't talk to me Jimmy: Hailey, hey (smiles) (hugs Hailey) no I'm sorry I had my hands full with...Julie an Marissa Hailey: so you don't totally hate me for bailing on you Jimmy: people in glass houses Hale Hailey: (smiles) so you moved ta Hawaii, how is it Jimmy: ah, it's fantastic, you would not believe the North Shore Hailey: so I've heard (Jimmy smiles and looks over at Kirsten. we see Kirsten greet someone near the door, and then drink her drink) Jimmy: she's uh she's taking it pretty hard huh (frowns) (Hailey looks over and we see Kirsten put her empty glass on the tray as a waiter walks by) Hailey: (worried) I've never seen her like this (we then see Kirsten, who looks like hell, walk into the kitchen and open the fridge. she takes out the bottle of vodka and pours herself a drink. Sandy walks in) Sandy: (raises eyebrows) you know we have bar tenders we're payin to do that Kirsten: I don't like waiting in line (drinks) Sandy: (closes his eyes) you know honey its still early...this things gonna be goin on for a while maybe you wanna pace yourself (looks at Kirsten, worried) Kirsten: (puts the glass down) maybe I don't, my father jus died, maybe you wanna lay off the Kirsten drink count for a while (pours herself another drink) Sandy: ...I know you're upset Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) you're right, I am (walks away) (Julie is standing just outside of the kitchen and saw what just happened. she goes over to Sandy) Julie: I...if it would help I could take over Kirsten watch for a while Sandy: I don't know if anything is gonna help... Julie: so then let her glower at me I'm use to it Sandy: unfortunately so am I these days (looks at Julie) thankyou Julie (Julie smiles and walks off in the direction Kirsten went. Sandy sighs. we see Julie over with Kirsten, she puts her hand on her back - we are now in the backyard with Seth, Marissa and Ryan) Seth: ok I 've officially talked ta every pillar of the community, I'm sick of pillars (screws up his face) Ryan: at least you don't have everyone asking if you're the guy that brned down Caleb's model home, caused him to have his first heart attck Marissa: yeah well everyone's looking at me like I'm the grieving step daughter (frowns) I don't think the guy could stand me Seth: (looks around) ok where is Summer, is she...smoking the salmon herself Ryan: you guys wanna hide in the pool house Seth: ah, so bad Marissa: (nods) mm (Seth Ryan and Marissa head off towards the pool house - we are now back inside. we see Kirsten standing by herself near the door. Summer is at the food table and notices Kirsten. Summer puts some tomato on a plate and then picks up 2 plates and walks over towards Kirsten) Summer: (smiles) hey Mrs. Cohen I thought you might be hungry Kirsten: oh no thankyou Summer Summer: oh well if my step mother taught me anything, it's to never drink on an empty stomach (half laughs) Kirsten: (nods) (cold) thanks for the tip (Kirsten walks away. Summer just stands there. Sandy looks at Kirsten worried, then over at Summer. Summer turns around and sees Sandy) Sandy: hey Summer Summer: hey, Mr. C (smiles) Sandy: boy you really cleaned out the buffet huh Summer: well I have extra if you want any Sandy: I am powerless before a white fish (Summer laughs) hey, could you do me a little favour (Summer listens) this thing is gonna be goin on for a little while (Summer nods) an you know Seth's ben through alot in the last couple'a days an (raises eyebrows) it might be a great idea if you could get him outta the house for a little while (Sandy motions with his head over to Kirsten. Summer looks over and we see Kirsten put an empty glass back on the tray and takes a full one, she takes a drink) Summer: (nods) yeah, sure thing Sandy: thanks (Summer walks away and Sandy looks as though he's worried, and worn out) CUT TO: The pool house - we see a video game on the TV and then we see that Ryan and Seth are sitting on the end of the bed playing each other. Marissa is sitting on the side ledge watching them. Summer comes in Summer: hey (Ryan, Seth and Marissa all look over) Seth: hey Summer: um funeral food is like so depressing, I thought maybe we could go get some chili fries an...maybe stop by the Bait Shop or something (hopeful) Seth: good idea (stands) (Marissa looks worried) Marissa: uh hey Ryan (stands) you don't think Trey'll be there do you Ryan: no he's on day shifts, it'll be fine, promise (Ryan kisses Marissa's cheek, and she his. then they hold hands and walk out) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - we see a DJ playing some music, people dancing, flashing disco lights. then we see Trey drinking at the bar and looking worried. he looks over and sees Seth, Marissa, Ryan and Summer coming down the stairs Seth: (frowns) do I still even work here, I should...find out for tax purposes (Marissa stops at the bottom of the stairs and sees Trey) Marissa: you've gotta be kidding me (Ryan looks from Marissa to Trey. Trey looks away) Trey: great (drinks) (Trey goes over to them. Seth waves) Trey: hey, man I'm so sorry about your grandfather (shakes Seth's hand) Seth: yeah, thanks Ryan: what're you doin here Trey: came by to pick up a paycheck Marissa: paychecks are handed out on Mondays (Trey looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at Trey. Summer notices) Seth: (frowns) even I know that an I think I got fired Trey: oh yeah (Marissa glares at Trey) when was that (laughs) (Ryan looks at Trey. Jess comes over) Jess: you guys are dressed up Seth: we jus came from uh my grandfather's funeral (Summer puts her hand on his chest) Jess: yeah, well he's probably pretty old (looks at Trey) ready Trey (Marissa glares at Trey again) bye party people (Trey and Jess walk off) Seth: you guys wanna go maybe grab us some seats Ryan: yeah we'll get drinks Summer: ok (looks at Marissa) come on (Summer and Marissa walk off. we see Jess and Trey walking up the stairs. Ryan looks worried. we see Jess and Trey again) Trey: it's bad enough this has'ta go down in the place I work at (grabs Jess' arm) but with Ryan here (lets go) Jess: (smiles) what afraid your gonna look bad in front'a Marissa Cooper Trey: no I jus think we should go some place else, the pier, whatever Jess: it's to late our friends are already on their way, now is it loaded (looks at Trey) (Trey takes the gn out and slides the thingo to show that there is a bllet in there, then lets it go so that it covers the bllet again. we then see Marissa and Summer walking) Summer: ok Coop, you wanna tell me what that was about between you an Trey Marissa: what're you talking about Summer: oh I don't know, gamma rays of hate shting outta your eyeballs, I mean problems with Ryan (she and Marissa sit on the couch) a weird tension with Trey, one girl two brothers it's all a little legend of the fall Marissa: hm, I never saw that one (to someone walking passed) hi (smiles) (Summer looks at her) (we are now with Seth and Ryan at the bar waiting for drinks) Seth: (puts up a finger and goes to speak then stops) (to Ryan) I guess if I still work here I could...make the drinks myself Ryan: so how are you man Seth: not good my heads...all over the place, I still haven't had a chance to talk to my dad (Ryan looks at him) two uhus an a couple'a smoothy chasers please (we then see a rough looking guy go up the stairs. Ryan notices, and we see the guy go over to Jess and then they walk off together. Ryan looks worried. we see Jess walking across the bridge from underneath {you know the wire bridge thing that takes you from one side of the Bait Shop to the other) CUT TO: Cohen's backyard - Sandy and Jimmy are standing together, talking Jimmy: and uh what about you I mean hows-hows work, how's the family Sandy: well actually uh...(looks at Jimmy) not so good (Jimmy nods) you know you left, boy, jus before things got really crazy (nods) Jimmy: yeah well, that was the idea (raises eyebrows) I guess (Julie comes over) Julie: Sandy, I need your help (Sandy looks over and we see a tipsy Kirsten holding the bottle of vodka and walking around) Sandy: excuse me (Kirsten walks up the steps and almost trips, spilling the vodka and losing her balance. she composes herself and smiles) Sandy: oh for god sake Kirsten at least use a glass Kirsten: (closes her eyes, mocking) oh for god sake Sandy jus leave me alone Sandy: its ben a long day...an I bet (raises eyebrows) you could probably use a little sleep Kirsten: I feel (touches her chest) ok Sandy: come on (holds Kirsten) lets jus go to bed Kirsten: (pushes Sandy away) get your hands (screams) off me (the vodka bottle smashes onto the concrete. everyone looks to see what the commotion is. Kirsten takes a breath in and Sandy just looks at her, helplessly) Kirsten: are ya happy (looks at Sandy) (Kirsten walks away, Julie and Jimmy walk over to her, they both look worried) Julie: Kirsten Kirsten: I'm ok (puts her hand up) Jimmy I'm ok (Sandy watches as Jimmy and Julie help Kirsten walk down the stairs and towards the house. Hailey looks at them, and then at Sandy. Sandy just looks emotionless) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - we see Jess doing coke. Trey is standing near by looking nervous Jess: (sniffs) you got the money (the rough looking guy from before puts a bag on the table with wads of cash sticking out if it) Jess: have your taste then we're all good (RG leans forward, Trey watches him with his arms folded. he snorts the coke and then looks up at Jess) Jess: (puts a bag down on the table) speed an the E are in the bag, same quality RG: (grabs the bag and stands) actually we don't have enough to cover the coke (Jess stands up) RG: how bout we set up a payment plan like we plan to pay you when we feel like it Jess: yeah what's up, we had a deal RG: (gets in Jess' face) we're renegotiating Garden Grove style (Jess looks at him) what're you gonna do about it you little Newport biotch (goes to walk away) (Jess turns around and grabs the gn from Trey) Jess: (points the gn) who's the bitch now huh ' (the RG and his mates look at Jess) Trey: (clenches his teeth) what the hell do you think your doin Jess Jess: give me my money, get in your ice rocket an drive away RG: your gonna have'ta sht me (Jess shrugs and aims the gn above RG's head. she fires the gn twice and everybody starts screaming and running. we see Ryan and Marissa looking scared, because of the gn shts, then we see Jess running across the bridge, and Trey following her. then we see Seth and Summer looking around. then we see RG going after Jess and Trey. Trey pushes someone out of the way on the bridge, Ryan and Marissa see. then we see Trey and Jess running again, RG is still behind them but now he has a gn of his own in his hand. Ryan sees) Ryan: (screams) get down (we see everyone get down on the floor, so we can now clearly see RG pointing his gn, he sht. -we then see Seth and Summer crouched down, Seth has his hand over her head, protectively {aww}. Ryan has his hand over Marissa's back, protectively {aww} we then see RG run out of the Bait Shop. Summer looks up) Ryan: everybody ok Summer: (worried) Marissa (Marissa sits up) Summer: oh my gosh (Marissa looks upset, and a little dazed. she pulls her hair back from her forehead and we see that there is alot of blood running down the side of her face) Seth: it's jus broken glass (Marissa pulls her hand away, stunned. Summer puts something on the bleeding, I think it's a tissue. Marissa is making groaning noises, and screws up her face in pain) Summer: (screws up her face) wait (Ryan looks at Marissa, then looks away then back at Marissa, he looks angry) CUT TO: Cohen family room - Hailey is watching TV and Sandy sits on the couch next to her Hailey: where is she Sandy: sleepin it off Hailey: how long has this ben going on Sandy: (shakes his head) too long...you know last night sealed the deal...she's getting help whether she wants it or not (looks at Hailey) Hailey: (looks at Sandy) speaking of help, how can I Sandy: well I...I'm gonna need ta talk to the boys, privately, I-I I don't know what they know (shrugs) Hailey: I can get her outta the house, maybe a day at the spa Sandy: thanks Hale Hailey: (half smile) yeah (gets up) CUT TO: Treys apartment - Ryan knocks on the door and Trey answers Trey: hey, had a feelin id see- Ryan: can I uh (motions inside) can I come in Trey: yeah (Ryan goes in) Trey: you want somethin to drink like water- Ryan: what happened last night Trey: (shuts the door, sighs) I was...helpin Jess out, it got a little outta control man Ryan: (points) story of your life right Trey: yeah, but that was it man...I told her, I'm done Ryan: done, heard that before too (smiles) Trey: dude I know that Jess turned out to be a little crazier then I expected- Ryan: (hand on his hip) oh really that's a suprise considering you met her face down in a pool Trey: I screwed up Ryan (moves closer) I know that, what'do you want me to say Ryan: I don't want you to say anything...anymore, we-we gave it a sht we tried to make it work Trey: I...swear to god Ryan Ryan: (looks at Trey) I want you outta Newport Trey: (frowns) c-come on man (looks at Ryan) we're brothers (Ryan looks at him) we're blood, granted I got a little more'a dads bad luck- Ryan: (means it) you gotta go Trey (Trey looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at Trey) Trey: ...(nods) ok...ill be gone first thing in the morning (Ryan slowly walks to the door and opens it. Trey watches him. Ryan goes out the door, shutting it behind him. he doesn't look back) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - Julie is playing with what looks like a coffee machine, she looks like she has no idea what she's doing. Jimmy walks over with 3 coffees in a tray in one hand, and a box of something in the other hand Jimmy: I figured you hadn't learned how to brew coffee yet Julie: ok (smiles) marrying Caleb didn't exactly turn me into a domestic goddess Jimmy: (hands Julie a coffee) and I brought your favourite powdered sugared doughnuts (holds out the box) from seven eleven Julie: (frowns with a smile) thankyou Jimmy: (laughs) so listen, I was hoping you me Marissa could take the boat out, sail to Catalina today Julie: oh, well except Marissa won't be up till close to sun down so (shrugs) hm Jimmy: well then uh (frowns) how bout you an I go (Julie looks at him) you an me...grab some lobsters, dad ones of course, hang out have lunch Julie: (frowns) wow, we haven't done that in like a million years (points) since before we were married (Jimmy raises his eyebrows) (thinks) ok, ill write Marissa a note (Jimmy drinks his coffee) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Seth is in there by himself looking very lost, and Sandy comes in Seth: hey Sandy: hey Seth: I was jus makin some cereal, do'you want some Sandy: no I'm good, thanks, boy we got alotta left overs an the food is still arrivin by the truckload Seth: yeah, it's a silver lining of any funeral (pours some cereal into his bowl) how's mum is she up yet Sandy: yeah, she's spendin the day at a spa with Hailey, gettin a little R an R Seth: well that's good, she could use a day to relax (nods) (frowns) she hasn't really ben to uh...mom esque...lately Sandy: (looks at Seth) well that's true (nods) she's sufferin right now Seth: well she's...really close ta grandpa so Sandy: oh it's bigger then that Seth (looks at Seth) (Seth looks at him) ...your mother has a drinking problem (Seth nods, dazed) she needs help Seth: oh...you mean like that...rehab brochure that I found an you jus forgot ta mention Sandy: I've ben waitin for the right time an (frowns) I've ben hopin I could do this myself Seth: maybe we can, so she's drinking, we ask her to stop (Sandy looks at him) we don't have'ta send her away Sandy: (looks at Seth) she can't stop...she's tried (Seth looks at him) (moves closer) there's a doctor coming here this afternoon...he's gonna help us stage an intervention Seth: (shocked) what wh- is this like an after school special (upset) her dad died, she's sad, she's havin a few drinks Sandy: this has ben goin on for a long time...the car accident she had Seth: (pointed) yeah (looks at Sandy) Sandy: did you know she had ben drinking Seth: (upset) no, I didn't because ya never told me, you never told me anything until right now when ya expect me to help ship her off Sandy: we're trying ta help her Seth: god y'know- how do I know you didn't cause her to drink (frowns) somethin weirds ben goin on between you two all year Sandy: I get that you're upset, I'm upset to Seth: (nods) ok well if your way of showin that your upset is shippin her off so you don't have'ta deal with her that's fine, I'm jus not gonna be apart of it Sandy: (stern) you are apart of it whether you wanna be or not (looks at Seth) you wanna run away again (Seth shrugs and shakes his head, defiantly) get in your boat an sail away? (teary) your mother needs you! (Seth looks away) (we hear the front door close and Ryan heads towards the kitchen) Sandy: come on in Ryan, you should hear this Seth: (walking out) yeah, apparently moms a drunk an today's the intervention so, plan your afternoon accordingly (Seth walks out of the kitchen upset, Sandy looks down) Ryan: if you want I could talk to him (Sandy looks up) tell him your doin the right thing, cause you are Sandy: thanks...but that's my job (Sandy and Ryan look at each other) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Marissa looks at herself in the mirror. she pulls her hair back so she can see the cut on her head, then she pulls it back down to cover it. we hear a knock at the door Marissa: (looks over) come in (Summer walks in) Summer: hey, how's your head Marissa: um ok (frowns) it's just a scratch Summer: well I was thinking, after the passed few days you've had some pancakes on the pier an some (closes her eyes) serious sunbathing could be jus what the doctor ordered (Marissa looks at her) that is if I had a PHD Marissa: you know you don't have'ta take care of me Summer: are you kidding, after that scene from scar face we jus lived through, I could use a short stack (raises eyebrows) stat Marissa: alright well, I appreciate it (goes over to her drawers) Summer: good, so we'll go...just as soon as you tell me what's going on Marissa: huh Summer: the weird bruise on your neck an the bad excuse from you, weird tension with Trey an then you don't even bother ta make up an excuse...Marissa please don't lie to me, I'm your best friend an I know something happened (frowns) please jus tell me what's going on (Marissa shuts the drawer with her back still to Summer, and starts to get upset. she sniffs and Summer looks worried) Summer: Coop... (Marissa cries more, we see her shoulders and back are shaking and we hear her crying louder) Summer: (gets up) Coop (Marissa turns around to face Summer and she has tears running down her face) Summer: ooh (softly) sweetie (Summer hugs Marissa, and Marissa continues to cry. Summer puts her hand on Marissa's head. Marissa's holds Summer tightly) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Seth is sitting on his bed with his hands in his lap, looking very lost. Sandy slowly walks in. he stands in front of Seth for a second and then sits next to him on the bed Sandy: (looks at Seth, then looks down) maybe I should'a told you earlier...I don't know (shakes his head) they left that chapter outta the manual Seth: ...how long would she go away for Sandy: well as long as it takes (Seth nods) months, maybe Seth: (shakes his head slightly) this isn't (blinks)...this isn't suppose'ta happen to us we're not that family Sandy: (looks at Seth) every family's got their issues...this is ours Seth: ...I jus don't think I can do it, not to mom Sandy: I get it (we hear the doorbell) (Seth looks down and closes his eyes) Sandy: that's the doctor from the clinic...we'll be down stairs Seth: (looks at Sandy, helplessly) I'm sorry (Sandy looks at Seth then puts his arm around him. he kisses him on the head and then gives him a hug. Seth closes his eyes, his head is on Sandy's chest and Sandy has his hand around the back of Seth's neck. Sandy closes his eyes {this is a truly heart wrenching moment} CUT TO: Hailey and Kirsten driving home. Kirsten is looking at the ocean and Hailey is driving Hailey: how you feeling Kirsten: better thanks, its just what I needed (smiles) that deep tissue massage worked miracles Hailey: that's good (smiles) Kirsten: (looks at Hailey) we should call the house an see if they want us to pick up any food Hailey: (shrugs) we should probably jus go home, you know there's alotta left overs (Kirsten smiles and looks away, Hailey smiles and then it goes. she looks worried. we then see the car driving on the road for a second) CUT TO: Cohen house - we see Kirsten and Hailey come in the front door Kirsten: (calls) hello, anyone home (Sandy comes into the sht) Sandy: hey Kirsten: oh hey Sandy: why don't you come inta the kitchen...I need to talk to you Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) your acting awfully mysterious (Sandy looks at Kirsten and then goes back into the kitchen. Kirsten looks at Hailey and then follows him. Hailey follows a little behind Kirsten) Kirsten: oh (smiles) well I didn't know we had a company (the doctor from earlier is in there, and Ryan is standing a little back with his arms folded) Dr: hi (smiles) I'm Dr. Kenneth Woodroff (shakes Kirsten's hand) I'm a counselor at the Suriak drug an alcohol abuse rehabilitation center Kirsten: uh ok does someone (looks at Ryan) wanna tell me what's going on (looks at Hailey) Dr: your family requested that I be here today (Sandy looks at Kirsten) ta help them lead an intervention Kirsten: (confused) uh (raises eyebrows) what for, why Dr: we are all here because we are worried that uh you have an addiction to alcohol (Hailey, Ryan and then Sandy look at Kirsten while the Dr is talking) Dr: each person here wants to share their concern for you Kirsten: well that's very nice of everybody but not necessary (nods) Dr: Sandy, you go first (the Dr steps away from Kirsten and Sandy moves closer) Sandy: I'm so sorry honey (Kirsten looks at him) how hard this must be for you to hear...I don't want you to hurt yourself anymore Kirsten: Sandy don't you think you're over reacting...I mean everybody's over reacting (Sandy looks at her, helplessly) Dr: Hailey, please, now you Hailey: Keek's (Kirsten looks at her) you know our history, you know mom battled it an you know if it was me you'd be doing the same thing Kirsten: (upset) I don't know that, all the time you were partying an doing drugs (Hailey looks at her) I just encouraged you to make better choices (pointed) I didn't lock you up Dr: Ryan (Ryan looks at the Dr and then Kirsten) Kirsten: oh don't you say a word I let you inta this house Ryan: (moves forward) ...yeah you did because my own mom couldn't take care'a me (Kirsten listens) because she wouldn't get help even though I asked her to...I don't wanna see that happen again to someone I love (looks at Kirsten) (Kirsten stands there for a few seconds) Kirsten: ...I don't know who you are or what your doing here (Hailey, Ryan the Dr and Sandy look at her) but I-AM-NOT-GOING (Kirsten turns around to leave the kitchen and Seth is standing in the door way {this part here was what had me in tears, Seth being there when she turned around was just SO powerful, not to mention what Ryan had just said aww} Seth looks at Kirsten, Kirsten looks at Seth) Seth: mom please, you gotta do this (Kirsten looks at Seth, Seth looks at Kirsten, slightly nodding. Sandy walks over to them. Kirsten looks away from Seth and starts getting teary. she closes her eyes and screws up her face, then puts her head down. Sandy holds her in his arms and Seth puts his hand on her back and rubs it. Sandy touches Seth's arm. Ryan and Hailey come over and put their hands on Kirsten's back as well, and Ryan puts his hand on Sandy's shoulder {awww, this a beautiful, heartbreaking family moment!}) CUT TO: Cohen living room - Seth and Ryan are sitting on the couch together watching TV, they both look out of it. we see the channel change a few times on the TV and then we hear a door close. Seth and Ryan both look over. in the hall way we see Kirsten and Hailey hugging, and Sandy is near by with Kirsten's bag Kirsten: aren't you glad you got ta come back for all this fun Hailey: (smiles) actually, I am (Kirsten nods, teary) (we then see Seth and Ryan walking towards them) Sandy: ill put the bag in your car (Kirsten looks at Sandy and nods) Hailey: ill see you soon sis (kisses Kirsten on the head and then goes up stairs) (Kirsten nods, teary. she takes a breath in and turns towards Seth and Ryan, her boys) Kirsten: (teary) I'm so sorry...that I...put you both through this Ryan: jus get better Kirsten: (nods, smiles) I will (looks at Seth) are you gonna be ok Seth: yeah i'll be fine, an don't worry...about dad we'll set up a stage in the living room (nods) (Kirsten looks at him and smiles) give him a microphone an the music to star light express Ryan: I got the take out menus covered Seth: ill order em, I'm good with the phone Ryan: we'll be fine, really Kirsten: (tearier) I love you both so much (Kirsten hugs Seth and Ryan at the same time {its similar to the hug when they come home, and Kirsten runs to them. just as sweet} Seth and Ryan put their heads on each of Kirsten's shoulders and close their eyes. we can hear Kirsten crying, and she's holding onto them both tightly {awww}) CUT TO: Out the front of the Cohen house - Sandy is out by the car. he walks from the boot to the drivers door and gets in the car. Seth and Ryan are standing in front of the front door watching. when Sandy gets in we see that Kirsten is already in the passenger seat. Sandy starts the car and Kirsten does a small wave to the boys. Ryan lifts his hand to wave back, as does Seth. we then see Sandy and Kirsten pulling out of the drive way, Kirsten looks lost. Seth and Ryan put their hands down. Ryan looks at Seth, Seth is watching the car. the car stops and Sandy and Kirsten look at the boys in the distance. Kirsten looks out the window as Sandy starts driving again. we then see the car disappear down the road. Ryan puts his head down then looks up again. Seth is frowning Ryan: alright (touches Seth's arm) come on, you owe me a rematch (puts his hand on Seth's back) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - Julie and Jimmy walk up the stairs together Julie: well James, other then those disgusting mussels you made me eat (points) (Jimmy laughs) this was actually pretty fun (smiles) Jimmy: well you're entitled to a little fun Julie: oh its jus...I feel so guilty Jimmy: about what, smiling the day after your husbands funeral (Julie nods) well lets-lets face it that marriage wasn't exactly- Julie: (looks at Jimmy) what we had (Jimmy looks at her) nothing ever will be Jimmy: (looks at Julie) what if (looks down) I decided to stay, what if (takes Julies hand) mm you know we gave it another sht, we're both older an wiser now Julie: well I'm certainly wiser (Jimmy laughs. Julie smiles. Jimmy looks down at their hands. they link fingers) CUT TO: Treys apartment - Trey comes out of the hallway and lays his clothes on the table, ready to pack. Jess is sitting in the lounge room Jess: going somewhere (Trey turns around, startled. Jess looks at him) Trey: I don't know where I'm goin, but I'm goin Jess: we could take off together Trey: (picks up his bag) yeah Jess, an where would we go Jess: (pulls out some wads of cash and throws them on the coffee table) Vegas (Trey looks at Jess and then the money) Jess: you a gambler Trey Trey: (nods) I hooked up with you Jess: (picks up the cash and stands) I'm gonna go home an pack (moves closer) steal my step dads beamer, an ill be back at eight (Jess kisses Trey, Trey kisses back but he puts his hands up in the air. Jess smiles and leaves. Trey doesn't look very happy) CUT TO: The Cohen's pool - Ryan and Seth are floating in the pool together Seth: this whole floating in the pool thing is not really helping Ryan: yeah, I hear you (looks at Seth) Seth: but neither was video games or the wisdom of Chuck Klosterman Ryan: (thinks) you know what, we should get outta the house (sniffs) ht up a old age home, some shuffle board action Seth: (shrugs) I'm not really in the mood for old people Ryan: IMAX movie, somethin with sharks, huh Seth: alright I like sharks (we hear the doorbell) Seth: (sighs) the way things've ben going I bet that's Oliver (the next thing we see is Seth clothed, and answering the door. Summer is there) Seth: hey Summer: hey, could I talk ta you...alone (Summer walks in and Seth shuts the front door. Summer goes into I think, Sandy's bar area. Seth follows) Seth: what's goin on, everything ok Summer: no (looks at Seth) look I'm really sorry to pile on in terms of like the (softly, upset) worst news ever Seth: (puts his hand on Summers shoulder) hey, its ok, whats'a matter Summer: (looks at Seth) when you an Ryan were in Miami Trey an Marissa... Seth: (nods) yeah Summer: ...he attcked her, Seth Seth: (folds his arms) what'do you mean Summer: (upset) he forced himself on her he tried ta (looks at Seth, Seth nods slightly) (shakes her head) but she didn't tell Ryan because, you know he's Ryan an who knows what he would do Seth: well, he has'ta know Summer: you think Seth: yeah, look if last night wasn't prove enough Trey's crazy, what if he attcks you next (Summer closes her eyes) I cant not tell him Summer: (shrugs) but how are you gonna tell him (Seth looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: Suriak - Sandy and Kirsten pull up out the front. Dr Woodroff is there with another woman Dr: welcome (smiles and opens Kirsten's door) ill show you to your room (Kirsten gets out of the car) Dr: but first I need to check your bag Kirsten uh its standard procedure (Kirsten takes her bag off her shoulder and hands it to the Dr. the Dr then hands it to the lady. Sandy looks at Kirsten, Kirsten looks at Sandy - we then see Sandy and Kirsten together in Kirsten's room {this part made me realise what they are facing, for a married couple not to be sleeping in the same bed together, its heart breaking. and for her to be going through detox by herself, also heartbreaking!} ok Kirsten looks around the room, looking lost) Sandy: oh its a good sized bed (raises eyebrows) (Kirsten looks at him) ooo nice sheets (feels the sheets) high thread count (points) nice TV...alotta channels (looks at Kirsten) ill bet you get alot of reading done here Kirsten: (nods) yeah (there's a knock at the door. a woman walks in) W: excuse me, uh Mrs. Cohen (Kirsten looks over) we're having a meeting for new guests Sandy: (to the woman) what time is the meeting over I (looks at Kirsten) I jus wanna make sure I'm home when you call W: actually uh, she won't be able to make any phone calls for seventy two hours (Kirsten looks stunned) (to Sandy) its detox Sandy: oh (Kirsten and Sandy look at each other) Sandy: could you give us just a minute (the woman smiles and leaves. Kirsten looks at Sandy, she looks so scared and vulnerable. Sandy looks at Kirsten) Kirsten: (teary) I'm so sorry Sandy...what I said to you (raises eyebrows) (Sandy looks at her) put you through Sandy: you know we can bend this thing (Kirsten looks at him) doesn't mean it's gonna break (Kirsten nods) (the next thing we see is Kirsten and Sandy coming out of Kirsten's room. Kirsten looks at Sandy and Sandy kisses Kirsten on the mouth. they touch hands before Sandy walks down the hall, he stops at the end and looks back at Kirsten. Kirsten blows him a kiss. Sandy smiles then leaves. Kirsten starts to get upset again) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan grabs his watch off the top and puts it on then sighs. we hear a faint knock. Ryan looks over Ryan: hey Seth: hey Ryan: we should probably go, IMAX movies have previews? (goes over to Seth) Seth: uh maybe we should skip the movie, actually (Ryan looks at Seth) (frowns) d'you wanna, si'down maybe (Ryan looks at him) or stand up or whatever Ryan: what's goin on Seth: (sighs) uh...my-my dad jus called uh (Ryan looks up) said my mom jus landed at the place, it's really beautiful an Ryan: that's good man (smiles) Seth: yeah but also...somethin more (looks at Ryan) but before I tell you (points) you gotta promise your gonna stay calm, an your not gonna get all 'old school Ryan Atwood' Ryan: (looks at Seth) what is it Seth: well, it's upsetting Ryan: (losing patience) yeah we covered that Seth: (swallows) so (looks at Ryan) I know what happened with Trey an Marissa (Ryan looks at him) like what really happened Ryan: (looks at Seth) ...what'do you mean Seth: well I guess, when we were away he sorta like...attcked her or something, kinda forced himself on her (Ryan looks stunned) I mean nothing happened she fought him off but that's...that's why he's got the cut on his head (Ryan looks teary. Seth looks at him, worried. Ryan looks away and slowly sits down, stunned) Ryan: all year...I have tried ta be a different person (Ryan looks up at Seth. Seth looks at him. Ryan stands and looks at Seth) Ryan: I can't do that anymore (starts to leave) Seth: wait, Ryan, what're you gonna do Ryan: (stops at the door, turns around) I'm gonna settle this with Trey (Seth looks at him) once an for all CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - we see Jimmy light a candle and Marissa comes over. Jimmy and Julie are standing together, looking almost couple'y Marissa: what're you guys doing Julie: oh, well we thought we'd have dinner...as a family Marissa: (confused) ok Jimmy: and uh...breakfast Marissa: ah-huh what's going on here Julie: well, your fathers going ta stay with us while we get settled and...then maybe after that (Marissa looks from Julie to Jimmy) Jimmy: if that's ok with you Julie: an with Caitlyn coming home from boarding school this summer we were talking about (looks at Jimmy) taking a family trip, maybe (smiles) Jimmy: again (raises eyebrows) if that's ok with you (Julie looks at Marissa) Marissa: anything (shrugs) ta have you back dad (hugs Jimmy) Jimmy: thanks kiddo (Julie smiles. Marissa looks at Julie and then slowly leans forward and hugs her. Julie looks shocked at first, and then she closes her eyes. Marissa looks, I wouldn't say happy, but she's definitely trying. she closes her eyes for a second) Marissa: id really love for us to be a family again (Julie smiles, Marissa half smiles. Julie looks at Jimmy) Jimmy: (smiles) the Coopers makin a comeback (Marissa laughs) who'd a thunkit (Marissa's phone rings) Marissa: oh sorry, one sec (answers) hey can I call you back (we see Seth and Summer in the car together. Summer is driving and Seth is on the phone to Marissa) Seth: actually no there's a problem Marissa: (frowns) what's going on Seth: well we're on our way to Treys but your closer, maybe you can stop him Marissa: what're you talking about Seth: Ryan knows (Marissa realises straight away what that means and hangs up, she walks away - the next thing we see is Marissa's car speeding out of the drive way. then we see the range rover driving on the road. Ryan looks emotionless) CUT TO: Treys apartment - Inside Trey is busy putting some rubbish in a rubbish bag - out the front Ryan pulls up.- inside Trey lifts a cushion on the couch and the gn is underneath it. - outside Ryan slams the car door and goes up to the door, he bangs on it hard. - inside Trey looks over towards the door. there's more banging from Ryan. Trey puts the cushion back over the gn and goes to answer the door. he opens it a little and sees Ryan standing there Trey: (smiles) hey Ry Ryan: (cold) I know what happened (Trey looks at Ryan) I know what happened with you an Marissa (Trey slightly nods) (walks towards Trey) how could you man, I would'a done anything for you Trey: look man (raises eyebrows) it was messed up, I was stoned Ryan: it wasn't my idea Trey, I didn't wanna steal that car Trey: hey man I went away for it an uh you got the good life Ryan: (angry) you had ta destroy it, you had to hurt her, huh Trey: (pushes Ryan away from him) no no (Trey runs to the couch and throws the cushion aside and grabs the gn) Trey: (points the gn at Ryan. Ryan is stunned) ok listen man calm down, you've gotta calm down right now, ok Ryan: (glares at Trey) what're you gonna do, sht me (Trey still has the gn pointed at Ryan, breathing heavily) Ryan: is that how this ends Trey: no, no how this ends is up ta you...an whether or not you walk away right now (Ryan doesn't move) (clenches his teeth) WALK away (Trey looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at Trey. Trey looks at Ryan. Ryan looks down and puts his hands up. Trey looks at Ryan, still pointing the gn at him. Ryan puts his hands down and slowly turns around. Trey lowers the gn, relieved. Ryan turns around and charges into Trey, screaming ahhhhhh. his head hits Trey in the stomach. Trey hits the wall and then falls to the floor. Trey goes to get up and Ryan punches him, he punches him again, and again, and again. Ryan has a freaky look on his face. he grabs Trey around the throat and sort of sits him up. Trey puts his hand on Ryan's face, trying to push him away. Ryan has his hand over Treys	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "02x24 - The Dearly Beloved"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Hospital - the first thing we see is a black screen with the sound of a siren, and what sounds like a dispatch message. I cannot make out the actual words sorry. we see the hospital doors open and paramedics rushing a stretcher inside, there is a bright light so its difficult to see everything - all the talking in this scene is very echoey, and distant. it's very reflective of the situation. there are also a few voiceovers from 224, which I think were done great!) Paramedic: I got a gn sht wound exited the right clavicle, punctured an artery (we see a close up of Trey, and the other paramedic is holding a breathing thing over his mouth. a doctor comes down the corridor, putting a gown on) Dr: he still alive Paramedic: not for long V.O Ryan: how could you man...I would'a done anything for you (we see Trey kind of moving his head a little, then we see the ceiling of the hospital as if we are seeing what Trey is seeing. we then see Ryan & Marissa coming in through the hospital doors, they both look worried and scared) V.O Trey: look man, it was messed up, I was stoned (an officer comes into the sht and walks over to Ryan and Marissa as they are coming in) Officer: we've still got some more questions for you (Ryan walks passed the officer and over towards Trey) Ryan: I've jus gotta see if he's gonna be ok (we see Trey, still with the breathing thing over his mouth, being pushed away. there is another voice over here but its at the same time as the next line so I cant tell what it is, its possibly a scream/cry from Marissa) Marissa: (worried, to a nurse) he's not gonna die, right (behind Marissa we see Seth and Summer enter, they both look worried as well, and they are looking in the direction of Marissa/Ryan/Trey. behind them we can see the ambulance Trey came out of) V.O Ryan: it wasn't my idea Trey, I didn't wanna steal that car (we see another sht of Trey, which is a close up of his bloody face, and a little of his chest. here we see a bit of the hospital roof and light, but also blended into it is the scene where Trey pulled the gn on Ryan at his apartment in 224. its been done similar to how we saw the Ryan/Marissa 'who are you' scene during the Ryan/Lindsay car conversation of 208 . its a blink and you'll miss it deal :)) V.O Trey: hey man I went away for it an uh you got the good life V.O Ryan: so you had to destroy it, you had to hurt her, huh (the last thing we see is Trey pointing the gn at Ryan, then we see the hospital light again and Trey being rushed down the corridor. Ryan comes around the corner, behind Trey, the doctor and the paramedics) Ryan: hey, he's my brother, is he gonna be ok Dr: he'd be better if someone hadn't sht him (the Dr and paramedics move the stretcher closer to the bed, nurses are also there) Dr: he's lost alot of blood so (turns around and sees Ryan) Jesus what the hell happened'a you Ryan: (looks at Dr) nothing I'm fine Dr: (yells) could someone look at this kid (Ryan turns away from the Dr and everything goes blurry) Officer: just as soon as we're done talking to him (we see a close up of Ryan, and he has a noticeable bruise, and bloody nose, he also looks out of it. he looks away from the officer and back at Trey. we see Trey being moved over to the bed, then someone squeezing the breathing thing over his mouth. we then see Marissa and Summer standing together near the hospital doors, an officer is with them) Marissa: (yells) Ryan (Ryan turns to face Marissa, she puts her hand out to Ryan helplessly) Officer: (holding the gn) did you discharge this wapon man Marissa: (looks at officer, frustrated) yes I already t- Ryan: (yells urgently) don't answer him, don't say anything (the officer near Ryan looks over towards Marissa, shocked. Marissa looks at Ryan and shrugs. the background goes out of focus, Seth comes into the sht clearly on the right hand side) Seth: you ok (Ryan looks at him) Dr: we're losing him (Ryan turns towards where they are working on Trey. we see a very quick flashback of Trey and Ryan, then we see them still working on Trey, squeezing the breathing thing. Ryan looks away from Trey and back towards Seth, dazed. we see how Ryan is seeing, which is Seth as wavy, then squashed/ stretched) Seth: you alright (Ryan looks at Seth, blinking and breathing heavily. his vision is now bordering on blurry. we can see Marissa out of focus in the background still. Sandy comes through the hospital doors) Sandy: Ryan (Ryan looks at him, still blinking and dazed) Seth...you ok (Ryan is now seeing Sandy as short/fat, and wavy. we see Ryan looking at Sandy & Seth, growing more and more disoriented till he falls and passes out on the floor. we see what he is seeing as he falls, then we hear the thud and see Ryan on his stomach next to Treys bed. - we then abruptly cut to the pool house where Ryan has jolted himself awake. he blinks and slightly lifts his head, we can see a bit of sun on his cheek. he looks freaked out. he then lifts his head more and opens his eyes wider. he rubs his hand down his face, and sniffs. we then see Ryan sitting up on his elbow in bed, we can also see a silhouette at his door, and then we hear a knock. Seth opens the door and walks in, in true Seth style, lol) Seth: hey man, I jus wanted you ta know that uh (stops and looks at Ryan worried) you ok Ryan: (looks at Seth, then looks away and sighs) I just had the worst nightmare (raises eyebrows) Seth: yeah, I got some...bad news Ryan: it wasn't a dream (closes eyes) yeah, yeah I know (opens eyes) Seth: well that lawyer guys on his way over so... Ryan: (softly) thankyou (Seth turns and leaves. we see a close up of Ryan who looks worried) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet - opening credits have changed since last season. The OC logo now has "THE" inside the O like we are all use to seeing on posters etc rather then next to it (the o.c.) like s1/s2 has and the periods have gone! it also has a gorgeous blue outline. the videos to go with the cast have also changed to reflect this season, and I can't wait to see the episodes they come from! Cooper-Nichol veranda - we see an aerial sht of the pool, and Marissa and Summer sun-baking beside it. think 201. it then changes to a front on sht of them, but it's as if it's on top of the pool water, half way through Summers line it changes to a close up of them. Marissa has her head back, with sunglasses on Summer: you know Coop, if you had of asked what we'd be doing the weekend before senior year (thinks) I probably would've said a road trip to Rosarito or rush week at SU with college boys Marissa: an waiting to get charged with manslaughter Summer: (shakes head) wouldnt'a made the list (looks at Marissa) mm-mm...(reassuringly) your gonna get through this Coop (looks at Marissa with one eye open, one closed from the sun) your innocent you were saving Ryan's life Marissa: (lifts head) try explaining that to Ryan Summer: he understands why you did it he's not mad (shakes head) Marissa: its jus like this... weird horrible thing (lays head back) hanging over us...like the elephant in the room...or an intensive care unit Summer: (frowns) before Trey I never actually knew anyone in a coma (shakes head) well I mean on the valley there's someone in a coma (Marissa frowns) like every week but I think they only do that so that when the person wakes up another actor can play the part (nods, confidently) Marissa: (raises eyebrows) unfortunately if Trey wakes up he's still gonna be Trey...if he wakes up (looks down) Summer: you've got'to admit Coop (Marissa looks at her) whatever happens, Ryan facing off with Trey to avenge your honour, god that is SO-FREAKING-HOT (Marissa doesn't say anything) ...in a mythic, biblical, Samurai Western kind of way Marissa: I really wish that helped me sleep at night Summer (puts head back) Summer: (frowns, concerned) you're still not sleeping Marissa: I sht someone Sum (Summer looks at her, then away) an even if he lives, which...is a big if, I'm still gonna have'to live with that for the rest of my life Summer: (nods) oh (puts head back & closes eyes) senior year Marissa: (scoffs) should be all time (half smiles) (we see the backs of the pool chairs and a sht of the house) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy pours a whole pot of coffee into a tall mug DDA: thaaanks a bunch, Sandy Sandy: if a pot'n a half isn't enough to get you through the morning (holds out mug) I can make some more DDA: that'd be great (drinks) (Sandy looks at the DA and then picks up the pot to refill it) Sandy: sorry for the mess, its ben a little hectic (looks over) Seth'll be right down DDA: (frowns) and Mr. Atwood Sandy: he's gettin' dressed, well the kids've ben through alot this summer with all this hangin over them, and now school is starting DDA: which is why the DA wants to get moving, we waited as long as we could for the other Mr. Atwood to wake up but I'm getting alotta calls from parents...DA's under alotta pressure ta prosecute (drinks) Sandy: except there's nothin ta prosecute, Marissa's protected under the defense of others (looks at DDA) of course your boss may not find that very sexy DDA: quite true...(looks at Sandy) DA's not lookin to go after Marissa Sandy: (looks at DDA, annoyed) Ryan's innocent...you got his statement at the scene an hers DDA: look at the record Ryan's got, his history of volence...an Caleb Nichols daughters the one blowin away ex cons with a forty five Sandy: (looks at DDA) she saved Ryan's life DDA: what was he doin over at Treys in the first place, his brother tried to rpe his girlfriend (Sandy pours more coffee) we've got cause Sandy: yeah, an ya got witnesses DDA: well the only people who saw the gn go off were Mr. Atwood Miss Cooper an the other Mr. Atwood, who (raises eyebrows) may or may not wake up Sandy: (turns to face DDA) if you go after Ryan even if he's brought in on charges...social services could take him away from us DDA: which explains Miss Coopers motivation to cover for him (nods confidently) Mr. Atwood's got alot more to lose (Sandy glares at the DDA then turns back to the coffee) DDA: where is your wife anyway Sandy: (sighs) she's outta town CUT TO: Suriak Treatment Centre garden - we see a close up of Kirsten, as the scene goes on we see that she is in a group therapy session and Dr Woodruff is there leading it Kirsten: my name is Kirsten an I'm an alcoholic Group: hi Kirsten (we can now see they are all seated on chairs around the fountain) Dr W: Kirsten your progress here at Suriak has ben...truly wonderful to watch (nods) your a model patient for...everyone here (everyone looks towards Kirsten, however one patient near Kirsten looks more interested than the rest. a woman who is one person away from Kirsten, we find out later her name is Charlotte) Kirsten: (shy) well I don't know about that...I mean Shelley is definitely better at poker (Shelley looks worried) she's cleaned me out (everyone laughs) Kirsten: (smiles, looks down) but...being here has given me the clarity to understand...why I turned to alcohol in the first place Dr W: an...do you feel comfortable sharing with the group uh why that was Kirsten: uh sure...I mean we're all in this together...I uh (thinks) I guess it begins and ends with my dad (nods, frowns) he was (shakes head, closes eyes) an amazing man (shrugs) but controlling...and...I realised that I was living his life not mine (Dr W listens) after my mother died I did everything (Charlotte is listening intently) I could to please him (sighs) but I realised that no matter how hard I worked or how hard I tried- Charlotte: it was never enough (Kirsten looks at her) ...I'm sorry Kirsten: (suprised) uh, no (looks at Charlotte) no its true it was never enough, became my mantra (smiles) ...I was never a good enough wife or a mom (raises eyebrows) because I wasn't a good enough daughter Dr W: (points at Kirsten) the power that comes with that kind of difficult realisation, will be invaluable after you leave us Kirsten: are you trying'to get rid'a me (smiles) (everyone laughs) Dr W: well, it sounds to me like uh Suriak's work is done (Kirsten smiles, then looks unsure) you'll need ta get a sponsor...an attend meetings...but there's no reason you can't do that from your home (Charlotte looks at Kirsten, as if she knows Kirsten isn't ready yet) Kirsten: great (forces a smile) CUT TO: Cohen dining room - Ryan is sitting on one side of the table with his hands clasped together in front of him, and the DDA is sitting opposite him. Sandy is standing at the end of the table, close by. this scene changes between Ryan and Seth, kind of a blend of their 2 depositions so you'll know who's it was depending on who is talking, Ryan or Seth DDA: Mr. Atwood (Ryan looks away) do you swear to tell the truth an nothing but the truth so help you god- Ryan: (fed up) I do (sighs) DDA: well then you won't mind if I record this deposition (slides recorder across the table) Seth: sure, record it, release it on ITunes, I hope it's a really big ht Sandy: (not amused) just answer the questions Ryan: (looks at Sandy) I've already answered all of these questions (looks at DDA) I have nothing new'to say (looks down) DDA: well your previous statement came at the hospital...it was traumatic its ben a couple'a months maybe you remember things differently now Seth: I remember everything exactly as I told you DDA: well then you can tell me again Ryan: ...I (leans forward) confronted Trey about what had happened and that's when he pulled the gn on me Seth: then we called Marissa to see if maybe she could stop Ryan Ryan: an that's when Marissa saved my life DDA: you mean, that's when Marissa sht Trey (Seth nods) an you witnessed the shting Seth: well it was clear w- when we got there what had happened DDA: just answer the question Ryan: (yells, fed up) no I did not (calmer) I didn't- (raises eyebrows) an-an an I didn't sht him (Sandy looks at DDA) DDA: young fingerprints are on the gn Ryan: yeah because I put the safety back on to make sure it didn't go off again (we see a close up of the recorder) Ryan: we-we (agitated, sighs) ...we weren't exactly thinking at the time DDA: so one final question, what were you afraid (frowns) was going to happen between Ryan an his brother...why were you trying to stop him (Seth doesn't say anything, Sandy looks down) DDA: you went to Treys that night to kll your brother (Ryan looks at him) didn't you Mr. Atwood (Ryan swallows and doesn't say anything. we see a close up of the recorder just as it stops recording) CUT TO: Cooper-Nichol veranda - Jimmy is setting the table and Julie is in front of him looking at herself in the reflection of a window Jimmy: (puts plate down) so what kind'a food d'you think prosecutors like Julie: (fixes hair) cause that's what's important here Jimmy (sighs, turns around) ok so (holds out hands) does this look like the outfit the mother of an innocent girl would wear Jimmy: yeah well at least somebody has their priorities in order... Julie: (sighs) I just hope Marissa listens to me, and our attorney, the last thing we need is her admitting ta the DA that she sht someone Jimmy: Jules (looks at Julie, confused) she already admitted it Julie: she wasn't in a right frame of mind when she spoke to the police...its not like she's a trained assassin Jimmy: uh-huh so-so (frowns) what's our story, Trey sht himself...in the back Julie: no, Jimmy, be reasonable Jimmy: she's not gonna lie an say Ryan did it, they already have her statement Julie: nobody believes her, they all think she's protecting him Jimmy: (looks at Julie) so you want Ryan to go away for this Julie: ...all I know is that before he moved to Newport our lives were alot more normal, sab Jimmy: (nods) uh-huh so it's his fault that I went bankrupt an nearly went to jail, an you married Caleb Nichol (raises eyebrows) only to watch him drown in a pool annnn Trey got sht (moves closer to Julie) Julie: (not amused) Jimmy, not everything I say is meant literally, I'm venting (faces Jimmy) look I wish none'a this ever happened but it did, an we have a chance to be a family again...I don't wanna lose that (Jimmy puts his hand on her shoulder) l w- put out some crudités' an the guda ill go see if Marissa's out of the shower (Julie goes inside and Jimmy turns around, looking worried) CUT TO: Pool House - Ryan comes out of the bathroom with a towel over his shoulder and Seth comes to the open doors from outside Seth: (calls out) hey, you decent (Ryan shuts the bathroom door) thought maybe you could...use a post-depo-dip Ryan: (holds up the towel) I just showered Seth: mmm a fair point, then we'll stay away from aquatic activity something land locked maybe Ryan: (thinks) I'm gonna visit Trey Seth: I was gonna go with a movie, this bein the time when Hollywood dumps their crappy would be blockbusters which we could mock (touches his chest) an thus feel better about ourselves Ryan: (ignoring Seth, stands) you got the keys (raises eyebrows) Seth: but (puts up finger) visiting your comatose brother in the I.C.U that's...also an excellent way ta relax an blow off steam so ill drive Ryan: awesome (Seth turns around and goes out the doors. Ryan is behind him) CUT TO: Cooper-Nichol veranda - Jimmy, Julie, the DDA from earlier and Mr. Esbenshade are standing together near the table Julie: (holding jug) Mr. Caldwell, would you like some more lemonade (smiles) Mr. Esbenshade (Mr. Esbenshade shakes his head and mouths 'no thanks' at Julie) Julie: oh come on its ok for a prosecutor an defense attorney to have a glass of lemonade together (Mr. Esbenshade smiles) we're all human beings here Jimmy: (frowns) I'm not so sure about these guys (Julie turns around and looks at Jimmy. Marissa and Summer come out the door) DDA: Miss Cooper (Marissa and Summer reluctantly walk over, they both look unsure) DDA: I'm Deputy District Attorney Chris Caldwell ill be conducting this deposition Marissa: hi (looks down) uh where do you want us ta sit DDA: actually (looks at Summer) Miss Roberts cant be present (Marissa frowns) we wouldn't want you influencing her testimony Marissa: (confused) she (points) knows what you know which is the truth, which is what I already told you people DDA: Miss Roberts (raises eyebrows) if you could please wait inside (Summer doesn't know what to do. Marissa and Summer look at each other) Julie: Summer, we have HBO on demand, every season of Sex and The City, knock yourself out (Summer looks at Julie. Marissa looks down, sadly. the mean DDA guy from earlier takes out the recorder and puts it on the table) Summer: Mariss you'll be ok, I'm jus gonna wait inside Marissa: (to Julie & Jimmy) look I already told everybody everything, I don't wanna have'to go through this again (Jimmy looks down) talk about all of it in front of these strangers (points) Esbenshade: Marissa I need to remind you this deposition is binding, your testimony in court can't waver from what is said here Marissa: (frustrated) I already told the truth so what's the problem DDA: the problem, Miss Cooper, is that your testimony lacks credibility (Summer Marissa and Esbenshade look at him, Marissa looks down. Julie looks at Jimmy) DDA: Miss Roberts please wait inside (DDA, Marissa & Mr. Esbenshade go to sit at the table) Jimmy: come on Summer (Jimmy puts his hand on Summers back and leads her inside) DDA: now Miss Cooper, I'm going to have'to swear you in (Marissa turns to look at Summer, we see a close up of her face and she looks vulnerable. Summer looks at Marissa helplessly before going inside - i just have to say that you can really see how much Marissa/Summer need each other in this scene) Julie: it'll be ok Marissa (Marissa glances at Julie before looking down, upset) CUT TO: The I.C.U - as the camera pans across we see through the blinds that Ryan is sitting next to Treys bed, we can also hear some hospital announcements faintly. the sht changes and we can now see that Seth is also in the room, leaning against the door frame. Trey is still in a coma and Ryan is leaning forward staring at him Seth: I kinda like him this way he's a better listener (Ryan blinks and looks down) ...sorry, I get talkative around coma patients it's a (frowns) compensation thing, ill give you guys a minute Ryan: wait just uh (Ryan turns to Seth then back to Trey, he stands and leaves the room. the camera zooms in on Treys hand and after a few seconds his pinky finger very noticeably moves - out in the corridor Ryan and Seth are walking together) Ryan: sorry man (raises eyebrows) I don't even know why I came here (Seth listens) that night I wanted to kll him now id do anything to take it back Seth: well you can't blame yourself an you can't change what happened Ryan: yeah but I mean Trey could'a tried to make it work, living in town I mean I had my brother here (Ryan and Seth are now outside near the ambulance bay) Ryan: now everything's screwed up an he's the only family I got left Seth: (looks at Ryan) well that's not exactly true (Ryan realises and half smiles then looks down. back in Treys room we see the monitor that he's hooked up to, that goes out of focus and Treys head comes into focus, his eyes suddenly open and look around) CUT TO: Cohen living room - on the TV we see a video game of baseball being played. half way through Seth's lines we see that Ryan and Seth are sitting on the couch together Seth: ok I jus have'to say that I still support the recent decision (Ryan looks at him) (swallows) in the wake of all the volence we've experienced to ban any games with ninjas or gn (frowns) Ryan: yeah, but? Seth: weeell it's just I don't understand any of the rules to this..."baseball" they call it Ryan: (looks at Seth) you mean America's pastime Seth: (looks at Ryan, unsure) eah, feels like more of a fad to me buddy I don't really see it catchin on Ryan: (nods) sure (frowns) hey you called Marissa an Summer right (phone rings. Seth gets up to answer it) Seth: they're with the dark lords son or whatever the DA's name is, did that guy blink once during your deposition...he didn't even have eyelids (answers phone) hello...oh I'm sorry he's not in right now can I take a message...ok thankyou (hangs up) (Seth looks over at Ryan, Ryan looks at Seth) Seth: that was the hospital Trey woke up (Ryan looks at Seth, stunned) CUT TO: Suriak T.C - Kirsten is sitting out the front by herself. Charlotte goes over to her Charlotte: Kirsten, right (holds hand out) hi I'm Charlotte Morgan, I'm so sorry about interrupting you in group Kirsten: (shakes hand) oooh no no that's ok (smiles) Charlotte: (sits next to Kirsten) when I heard you talking it was like you were describing my life...the rich dominating father the high pressure...nothing was (raises eyebrows) ever good enough Kirsten: eah I'm jus glad I didn't bore you (laughs) Charlotte: no it was amazing, I mean to hear someone on the same journey as me...well, obviously your a little further along (smiles) I couldnt've ever admitted all that (Kirsten raises her eyebrows then looks down) your so brave an honest Kirsten: I don't know about that but thankyou (smiles, nods) Charlotte: d'you wanna maybe get coffee sometime, we can...talk trash about our dads Kirsten: (suprised) sure id love to (smiles) (we hear the sound of a car horn) Charlotte: ok (smiles) (we see Sandy pull up in a gorgeous black Lexus) Kirsten: ahh, that's my husband (Sandy has a huge smile on his face, Kirsten looks just as excited as he does! aww) Charlotte: oh well, I don't wanna take up anymore of your time (smiles) goodbye Kirsten: bye (Charlotte walks off as Sandy gets out of the car. Kirsten goes over to him. Sandy has a HUGE smile on his face, and giggles) Kirsten: (touches Sandy shoulders) look at you (Sandy puts his hands on Kirsten's back, gently holding her. they look at each other then kiss! we see Charlotte watching them with a weird look on her face. we then see Kirsten and Sandy again, they are now in an adorable hug. Sandy has his head buried in Kirsten's neck then they pull apart. Charlotte is still watching, after a few seconds she leaves. the next thing we see is Sandy and Kirsten walking together near the fountain. Sandy is holding Kirsten's hand in his, and has his other hand on top. Kirsten puts her head on his shoulder. awww) Kirsten: (trying not to laugh) so it exploded all over the kitchen Sandy: ahh the microwave mostly Kirsten: an entire jar of peanut butter Sandy: oh we were tryin'a make peanut butter cookies as a suprise for you (Kirsten smiles) (frowns) it seemed like such a good idea at the time Kirsten: well it's a well known science factoid that metal plus heat equals... Sandy: peanut butter everywhere (Kirsten smiles) these are just a few'a the lessons we three struggling handsome bachelors are learnin every week (laughs) Kirsten: oh, sounds like you have a reality series here (smiles adoringly) Sandy: no, I hope it's not a reality for too long (looks at Kirsten adoringly) (Kirsten doesn't say anything) Sandy: (looks down) so...you should be comin home any day now right (Kirsten looks at Sandy) just give me a heads up so I can make sure the house is liveable (nods) Kirsten: (thrown) yeah I-I just have'to sit down with (shrugs) Dr Woodruff soon an-an see what's going on (nods) see if I'm eligible (raises eyebrows) (Sandy looks at Kirsten. his cell phone rings) Sandy: (looks at phone) oh (answers) hey Seth, I'm here with mom (Kirsten smiles) huh...well thanks for calling...ill see you when I get back at the house (hangs up) Kirsten: is everything ok Sandy: yeah, he says hi, that he misses you Kirsten: mm-hmm Sandy: I better get going (Kirsten nods) get back ta work (Sandy kisses Kirsten hard on the mouth, and holds her face in his hands. aww. they smile at each other) Sandy: jus let me know what the doctor says Kirsten: (nods, softly) ok Sandy: alright (Sandy takes Kirsten's hands in his and then let's go as he starts to leave. Kirsten watches him go. she sighs heavily and looks worried) CUT TO: The Beach - we see Marissa sitting by herself staring out towards the water. we then see a car pull up. Marissa looks over and we see Ryan get out. Marissa stands, and Ryan walks over to her Marissa: hey, so what's going on Ryan: ...Treys awake Marissa: oh my god (Ryan moves closer and looks down) when did he... Ryan: couldnt've ben to long I just saw him Marissa: (suprised, raises eyebrows) you saw him Ryan: yeah I...ben up there a couple times, y'know Marissa: (shrugs) I didn't know, hey I would've gone with you Ryan: no, no you shouldn't have'to see him ever again, I don't have the same choice Marissa: (slightly nods) ...well I mean I guess now that he's awake he can tell the lawyers what really happened (frowns) I mean Trey got us inta this mess hopefully he can get us out Ryan: yeah, our futures in Treys hands (Marissa doesn't say anything) come on (motions) Seth an Summer are at the diner (Ryan walks back over to the car and Marissa follows him. they both get in) CUT TO: Newport Group - Julie, Jimmy, and alot of other people sorting through things are in there, including Jeff Frankel Julie: (impatient) what'do you mean it's gonna take two months, Caleb wrote a will just read it already Jeff: (puts hand up) it's much more difficult than that Mrs. Cooper-Nichol a-as you can see (Jimmy looks around) there's uh alotta paperwork uh a number of different offshore accounts we haven't yet found Julie: ok, well you just take your sweet time Mr. Frankel but understand this, we are paying a very high price defense attorney to protect our daughter an right now the metres running Jeff: I wish I could help Julie: (sits next to Jeff) I'm a grieving widow (Jeff looks at Jimmy, unconvinced, lol) Jeff: clearly Julie: you've seen the will haven't you Jeff (sexy smile) why don't you just...tell us what's in it annn it'll be our little secret Jeff: I can't do that Jimmy: (to Julie) it's our attorney Julie (answers phone) Julie: lets play hot/cold (raises eyebrows) hm (Jeff looks at her) two million...seven million...I have at least three million coming from my pre-nup (Jeff blinks) you blinked! does one blink mean yes (points) Jimmy: (to Julie) Julie, the hospital called Julie: (looks at Jimmy) what, what'did they say CUT TO: The Diner - we see a plate of food being set down in front of someone. the camera pans and we see that Summer, Seth, Marissa and Ryan are near by in a booth. Ryan looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at him and then at Seth and Summer, almost sadly. Summer and Seth are watching both of them across the table Summer: ok (claps hands) I have an idea Seth: (looks at Summer) are you gonna save Chrismukkah again cause I really enjoyed that last time (Summer glares at Seth, not amused. Seth closes his mouth tightly) Summer: we need to have some fun (raises eyebrows) Marissa: (looks at Summer unenthusiastically) fun (raises eyebrows) (Ryan looks at Summer) Summer: yeah, look we cant control the future right so how do we deal (Seth frowns) I mean we could do what my step-mother does an take lots of pain Kllers to numb ourselves from the reality that life is (frowns) well random, unfair an ultimately meaningless Seth: (looks at Summer) there's another option right Summer: or we can accept the fact that we cant worry about what we cant control an just enjoy the time that we have, Treys awake an...school is starting soon (Marissa looks at Ryan) who knows what's ta come, right...so this might be our last chance to have fun Seth: I like...plan B (Marissa smiles) Ryan: so what'do we do Marissa: ...well I have an idea (raises eyebrows) but id have'to ask my dad first (Summer and Seth look at Marissa, curious) CUT TO: The Ocean - we see a beautiful sht of the water and in the distance is a sail boat, as the camera zooms in closer and changes angles we can see Marissa and Ryan are sitting near the front talking/laughing. the sht goes across the front of Ryan and Marissa and then we can see that Seth and Summer are sitting together near the steering wheel. the sht changes again and we see the boat from above. then we see Ryan and Marissa again, still sitting together laughing/talking. they look so cute! we see Seth and Summer again, and we can also see a row boat sitting on the back. we can now see that its Jimmy's sail boat 'Slow Dance' CUT TO: A Secluded Beach - we see the sail boat in the distance out in the water. the row boat is sitting on the sand and further off to the left is Seth and Summer Summer: Mr. Coopers got a nice boat huh Seth: yeah (picks up sticks) its amazing what laundered money can buy Summer: you know Cohen, with your two hands on the wheel an the wind blwing through your hair (looks at Seth, nods) you actually looked kinda hot Seth: let me guess Summer you have a (shrugs, amused) weakness for seamen (smiles) Summer: (screws up her face) ewww Cohen, an then there's that (walks away) Seth: nah, aww (follows Summer) (Marissa is sitting on some rocks by herself, looking out towards the ocean. Ryan goes over to her) Ryan: hey Marissa: (looks) hey (Ryan sits down next to Marissa) Ryan: ah...how ya doin, you ok Marissa: (looks at Ryan) yeah I guess...I mean I-I don't know to be honest (unsure) are we ok Ryan: yeah sure (shrugs) why wouldn't we be Marissa: cause since that night we haven't really talked about it (Ryan doesn't say anything. Seth and Summer walk over to them) Seth: hey, knock it off, listen, we gotta get our mind off everything...who wants to go fishing Summer: (laughs) yeah you guys do the hunting, we'll do the gathering Ryan: (stands) I like that idea but weeee-dont-have-any-bait Seth: ooh...hey wait no we have Summer (touches Summers arm) this little sardine Summer: nooo, you guys that's- (Marissa smiles, Ryan points at Summer mischieviously) Seth: I'm gonna throw a sardine, who wants to go fishing, come on (Summer squeals and runs down the beach. Seth goes after her, Ryan runs after them) Summer: no guys (the next bit is a montage with laughing & screaming. we see Ryan with Summer in his arms, and Seth and Marissa are either side of Ryan. then we see Summer kicking her legs, Seth holding onto them and Marissa touching Ryan's back, and they are near the water. the next thing we see is Marissa over Ryan's shoulder, and they are in the water ankle deep. Summer and Seth are standing near them. then we see them moving away from the tide. Seth has Summer over his shoulder and Ryan goes to pick Marissa up. then we see Ryan holding Marissa in his arms, Seth holding Summer over his shoulder and they are at the edge of the water. SO CUTE! next we see Ryan holding Seth long ways. he has one hand over both his legs and the other under his waist. Summer claps and they are laughing and having a good time! the next thing we see is a lifeguard tower. Marissa is leaning up against it and Ryan is standing in front of her, smiling. he slowly leans toward her and they kiss! awww Marissa has her hands on Ryan's shoulders. the sht changes and we see them still kissing, and the back of Ryan. we then see them all playing near the water again, it looks as though the sun is starting to go down. Ryan has both hands in the air like a monster and he goes after the girls. they both squeal and run away. the next thing we see is Seth holding a football, he throws it and Ryan goes to catch it but drops it in the water. then we see Summer and Seth sitting together by a fre in the sand. the sun is almost gone. they look so cute! we then see that they are roasting marshmallows on sticks together! Seth kisses Summer on the cheek and Summer smiles all cutesy. we then see Ryan and Marissa close up, kissing at the lifeguard tower like before. their heads slowly disappear out the bottom of the sht and all we see is the water. the next thing we see is the sun setting, with the lifeguard tower in the background. then we see the two couples sitting together near the fre. Marissa and Summer both have blankets over their shoulders) Marissa: well, if this is as good as it gets for a while Ryan: (smiles) eah, feels pretty good Summer: yeah (sarcastic) thanks for almost getting my bathing suit wet Cohen Seth: my pleasure Ryan: (mocking Summer, very nasally tone) Cohen, I can't believe that you did that Cohen (smirks) (Marissa and Summer laugh. we see a sht of the backs of them. Ryan puts his arm around Marissa and their heads are touching. Summer rests her head on Seth's shoulder. awww, could they get more adorable!) CUT TO: The I.C.U - through the blinds we can see Trey in bed. the camera moves across to show a nurse in the nursing station. the nurse hears a noise and looks up. all we see is a dark corridor. the nurse looks down. we then see bright pink high heels walking towards the camera. we then see the shadow of a head in the bottom right hand corner, and the nurse still with her head down Julie: I'm looking for Trey Atwood Nurse: (stands) I'm sorry, visiting hours ended a while ago Julie: oh did I forget to introduce myself, I'm Julie Cooper-Nichol as in the Nichol wing of this hospital which we're both standing in Nurse: ...oh hello Mrs. Cooper-Nichol Julie: (smiles) my husband was very philanthropic, hospitals were his favourite charity, especially making sure nurses an orderlies were compensated for their hard work (looks at Nurse) I would hate ta see his passion fall by the wayside (the Nurse looks at Julie, Julie looks at the nurse. the next thing we see is Treys room. Trey opens his eyes and reels back, we then see what he is reacting to. Julie is standing beside his bed) Julie: hello Trey (smiles) I've ben wanting to talk to you (Trey looks at her) oh no no, no pleasantries...look at you...lying there all helpless (closes the blinds) unable to stop me from (picks up a pillow) doing whatever I wanted to (Trey looks at her) kind of like the night you tried to rpe my daughter Trey: ...I'm sorry Julie: (clenches teeth) oh you should be you son of a bitch...which is why your gonna help me (Trey looks at her) in exchange I'm prepared to compensate you, how does twenty thousand dollars sound Trey: (laughs) what d- what...do you want Julie: three simple words, repeat after me Trey...Ryan-sht-me (Trey looks at her, reluctant) Trey (raises the pillow) Trey: (swallows) ...Ryan...sht... CUT TO: Cohen living room - the first thing we see is the TV, on the screen is the movie Teen Wolf. Seth is sitting on the couch in his PJ's with his feet on the coffee table. Ryan sits down next to him with a breakfast bowl Seth: ok so, I know Teen Wolf is not a realistic movie (puts hand on his mouth, thinking) Ryan: really goin out on a limb there but yeah (puts feet on the coffee table) Seth: well (frowns) I mean how does bein a werewolf make you a better basketball player Ryan: can't argue with that one (Sandy comes in) Sandy: hey fellas (Ryan & Seth look at him) you mind shuttin off the TV (points) (Seth turns the TV off and Ryan puts his bowl down) Sandy: Trey talked to the police this morning...an he confirmed their suspicion that it was you who sht him (Ryan looks at him, stunned) Seth: well that's a total lie (Ryan looks away) Sandy: now the DA's office gave me a heads up...there gonna be issuing a warrant for your arrest in a few hours, now we're gonna figure this thing out (Ryan looks down) but I need to know that you are telling me everything that happened (Ryan looks up at Sandy, Sandy looks at him) Ryan: (stands, tied of it all) what difference does it make (Ryan leaves the room upset. Sandy watches him) Seth: your gonna fix this right (looks at Sandy, hopeful) (Sandy watches Ryan go into the pool house and slam the door behind him) CUT TO: Cooper-Nichol veranda - Julie is carrying a bucket with champagne in it, Jimmy is with her Jimmy: a little early for champagne don't you think Julie: I'm making mimosa's, there breakfast appropriate besides we should celebrate Jimmy: (frowns) celebrate the fact that Marissa's boyfriend is...getting arrested Julie: no the fact that Marissa isn't (smiles & pours) Jimmy: you know Julie its just a little too convenient, Trey wakes up an immediately points the finger at Ryan Julie: well, sometimes, Jimmy, and I know you don't have that much experience with this but...things work out Jimmy: you know...even if Marissa was accused sh-she wouldn't go to jail Julie: she also wouldn't be going to college, forget what the law says about just cause an defense of others, how's it gonna look on her college application under extra curriculars, sh*t blue collar thugs Jimmy: look I don't want Marissa to suffer either but Ryan- Julie: Ryan's (puts finger up) dye was cast long before he moved inta the Cohen pool house look (closes eyes) Jimmy lets just puts this to bed (Marissa comes out) we'll collect on Caleb's will an we'll go back to being a normal, happy, family! Marissa: hey what's for breakfast (sleepy) Jimmy: hey kiddo what're you doin up Marissa: I can't sleep Julie: oh, well, I have news (smiles) (Marissa looks at her) it's very good for us Jimmy: ...but just...not so good forrr Ryan (Marissa looks worried) CUT TO: Cohen house - we see a sht of the pool house. all the blinds are shut and you can't see in. we then see that Seth and Summer are standing inside at the glass doors looking out Seth: well we know he wants to be left alone Summer: we have'to do something, should we bring him a snack (looks at Seth) what'does Ryan eat Seth: dry cereal from the box an black coffee Summer: (nods) huh, well maybe we could like get him something like a gift Seth: sure moneys no object Summer: ok (nods) what'does Ryan like Seth: (frowns) hmm Summer: (looks at Seth) any favourite movies (Seth is thinking) hobbies...Cohen he's your best friend Seth: heeeey you've known him as long as me I don't hear you throwin out any gems (looks at Summer) (we see the pool house again) Summer: well we can't just leave him alone out there this is terrible Seth: I know...but nobody even knows what to say to him he's never ben arrested before (Summer looks at him) for attempted mrder (sound of the door bell. Summer and Seth both look in the direction of the door. the next thing we see is Seth walking towards the door, Summer is following behind him, with her hands holding onto the waist of his jeans, aww. Seth opens the door and Marissa is standing there) Marissa: where is he (anxious) Seth: ahh he's not really seeing visitors right now (shuts the door) Summer: we're kinda giving him space (Marissa sighs and looks at them both like 'please' then heads out to the pool house) Seth: this should go well Summer: right behind you Coop CUT TO: The Pool House - the first thing we see is a green knapsack, and Ryan's hands putting stuff inside it. then we see Marissa, Seth and Summer in the doorway Marissa: hey (Ryan continues packing the knapsack which is sitting on his bed) Ryan: hey Seth: hoodie, wife-beater, leather jacket...that's the Ryan Atwood escapist ensemble Ryan: that's right, doesn't matter what I say no ones gonna believe me not anymore Seth: dude your not running away Ryan: yeah (looks at Seth, raises eyebrows) yeah I am Marissa: no (moves closer to Ryan) no your not (Ryan looks at her) your sailing (shrugs, matter of factly) an we're coming with you Seth: yes since apparently there's boats involved (Ryan frowns) which is my forte' (touches his chest) Summer: totally, we all go down together (Ryan looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at him and shrugs) Ryan: (raises eyebrows) thanks (zips up his knapsack) CUT TO: Suriak T.C garden - Kirsten and Charlotte are standing together making coffees Charlotte: oh so how was your visit with your husband (Kirsten looks at her, suprised) he excited your coming home Kirsten: yes he is Charlotte: didn't tell him your not ready yet huh (Kirsten looks at her) (raises eyebrows) ben there Kirsten: well...Dr Woodruff says I'm ready I must be ready (smiles) Charlotte: (scoffs) yeah except Dr Woodruff aint gonna be in your kitchen at three am when your rootin around the spice rack for anything with alcohol an start pounding vanilla extract (Kirsten looks stunned) Charlotte: (notices) oh god I'm-I'm (closes her eyes) I'm sorry Kirsten: is that what happened to you Charlotte: ...it was cough syrup (raises eyebrows) Kirsten: that's my biggest fear...that I'm not ready, an I'm not going back to my husband an my boys until I know...that ill never let them down again Charlotte: look can I give you some advice...it's not a race...take all the time you need (Kirsten walks away and Charlotte watches her) CUT TO: The Pool House - Sandy knocks on the door, when there's no answer he opens the door and goes in Sandy: hello...I'm back (Sandy stares at the empty pool house then turns around and faces the door, he looks around worried. we hear the sound of the door bell. we then see the front door, through the glass we can see a man. Sandy opens the door and we see that it is an officer with the warrant for Ryan's arrest in his hand. another office is behind him talking on a walkie talkie, and we can see their police car) Officer: we're lookin for Ryan Atwood (holds out the warrant) Sandy: your a little late I'm afraid CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Julie walks in and looks around, she then puts the phone up to her ear Julie: nope, she's not here either an she left for your house hours ago Sandy, you don't think they'd try anything do you (worried) (Jimmy comes to the doorway) Jimmy: what's goin on Julie: (hangs up) the cops are at Sandy's house the kids are gone we don't know where they went (Julie leaves the room and Jimmy looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: The docks - it's dark but we can see Jimmy's boat and Ryan, Marissa, Seth & Summer climb on board Summer: you don't think your dad'll miss the boat Marissa: well he of all people'll understand...but we gotta hurry Seth: let's go Ryan: hey man how long is it to Catalina Seth: about four hours then from there we can go wherever you want, Mexico, Hawaii Ryan: hey look guys I gotta say, you can get in alotta trouble for this so you know if you wanna back out (Marissa turns on a light) Seth: are you kidding, this is a great excuse to skip school Marissa: uh its not forever it's just until we can get Trey to change his story (we hear the sound of sirens, and see about a half dozen police cars pull up and surround them. one of the cars shines a light on the boat and we see them looking at all the police cars. Marissa and Summer are both shielding their eyes from the bright light. we see a close up of Ryan's face, just staring into the light) CUT TO: The Police Station - we see Ryan being led by an officer. he is wearing that familiar blue jumpsuit :(. Sandy is waiting for him in a room, and the officer leads him in. Ryan looks at Sandy. Sandy stands up Sandy: glad to see the jumpsuit still fits (Sandy motions for Ryan to sit down) Sandy: well kid, for someone who's innocent you done a hell of a job to look guilty Ryan: glad to see you're here to make me feel better (smiles sarcastically, then looks down) Sandy: no I'm here to tell you the truth...as your lawyer an your guardian (Ryan looks at him) the only person who runs is somebody whose got somethin'a hide Ryan: or who has no choice (raises eyebrows) I see how these cops an lawyers look at me...my record, my family (Sandy looks at him) an you know I'm right Sandy: this isn't over...the arraignments set for tomorrow, we're gonna fight this (Ryan half laughs then looks down) Trey could still change his mind Ryan: yeah...how's that gonna happen (Ryan looks at Sandy vulnerably, he almost looks like he's going to cry! :( ) CUT TO: The Hospital - the camera pans up to show Marissa and Summer in the good old candy striper outfits. Seth is in between them pushing a cart down the corridor Marissa: I haven't worn this candy stripers outfit since, like the tenth grade (folds her arms) Summer: well maybe we should start volunteering again, it's good for charity Seth: not that I'm against you guys wearing these uniforms, cause I'm not but...doesn't this plan seem a little light hearted given the...nature of the predicament Summer: Cohen, your not even part of the plan, we're jus letting you push a cart Marissa: ok Sum you're on (Marissa, Summer and Seth walk around the corner to a nurse's station) Summer: (smiles) hey Denise, how are you Denise: Summer Roberts, I haven't seen you in years, where you ben Summer: oh I love helping sick people its just they kept making me sick (screws up face) so I've ben reassigned to gn sht victims because you cant catch one'a those (shakes her head) (Marissa and Seth smile, impressed) Denise: (laughs) well glad to have you back, who do you wanna see (the next thing we see is Trey in bed. staring ahead. there's a knock on the door) Trey: I don't wanna speak to anyone else (Marissa opens the door and goes in) Trey: hey, did you hear what I- (realises its Marissa) (Marissa looks at Trey and closes the door behind her. she seems cautious, almost scared. Trey scoffs. Marissa is still just standing there) Trey: did you uh (raises eyebrows) come'to finish the job Marissa: so you do remember it was me who sht you Trey: (looks away, swallows) I... I'm trying to protect you Marissa: protect me (moves closer) by blaming Ryan Trey: (looks at Marissa) I'm sorry Marissa...for...for everything...I (swallows) I jus didn't know how ta make it right (Marissa looks at him, sadly) an she offered me a way out Marissa: (confused) w- who did Trey: (looks at Marissa, frowns) ...your mom (Marissa looks stunned and rubs her head) Marissa: look...Trey (moves closer) ...if you wanna make it right (raises eyebrows) then there's only one thing for you to do (Trey and Marissa look at each other. Trey looks away) CUT TO: Newport Bay Yacht Club - Sandy's Lexus pulls up out the front. then we see him open the door and go inside. he stops and looks over to the bar. Jimmy is sitting at the bar by himself. Sandy walks over Sandy: hey Jimmy Jimmy: hey Sandy: thanks for meetin me (sits down) Jimmy: sure, sorry to hear about Ryan (Sandy sighs) just when you thought things couldn't get any worse Sandy: well that's what I wanted to talk to you about...I've ben tryin'a figure out why Trey would try to frame Ryan (looks at Jimmy) y'know I know the kids not gonna be sainted any time soon but (laughs) still...the only thing I can figure (looks at Jimmy) somebody paid him (Jimmy looks away) ...but who would sink that low (Jimmy sighs) ...only one name came to mind (Jimmy looks at him) ...an you didn't try to stop her Jimmy: look I f-I found out about it too late there's nothin-there's nothin I could do Sandy: c'mon Jimmy at some point you gotta do the right thing Jimmy: well you gotta understand what I'm dealing with, put yourself in my shoes Sandy: (looks at Jimmy) in your shoes (angry) I got a wife in rehab who doesn't wanna come home an a kid who's ben locked up for somethin he didn't do, I think your shoes are lookin pretty good right now Jimmy: look I- I get it I get it...I'm tryin'a protect my family too (raises eyebrows) Sandy: (nods) right, because family means so much to ya Jimmy: (frowns) what's that supposed'to mean Sandy: that means what're you doin back at Newport...Caleb dies boom suddenly you show up (Jimmy looks at Sandy, Sandy's cell phone rings and he takes it out and looks at it) Sandy: (answers) grand central station, hello...oookkkk (nods) thankyou (hangs up) wait'till Julie hears this (smiles) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - there is a basket of washing and Julie pulls out a piece of clothing from it that resembles Marissa's attempt at doing her and Alex's washing, lol Marissa walks in, she doesn't look happy Julie: hi sweetie...uh I'm still learning how to do the wash so whatever no longer fits we'll just send it to your sister (smiles) Marissa: I know what you did Julie: (looks at Marissa, clueless) what'do you mean (Marissa scoffs and takes an envelope out of her bag, she holds it out to Julie) Julie: (takes the piece of paper) what's this Marissa: a copy of Treys confession (Julie looks at her, stunned) saying that if I didn't sh*t him he would've klled his brother...police have one too (Julie reads the confession) Julie: d'you know what you've done Marissa: (reassuringly) ...I'm not going to jail Julie: but where are you gonna go Marissa huh (Marissa looks at her) you know how small this town is, this will get out Marissa: what (shrugs) that I saved my boyfriends life Julie: (pointed) that you sh*t someone (Marissa looks at her) when there's a scandal no one cares about the details Marissa: all you care about is what people in Newport think of us (Julie looks at her) of you (moves closer) you know I don't need you to protect me (means it) I need you to stay outta my life (Marissa leaves the room. Julie just stands there) CUT TO: The police station - a man hands a clipboard thingo to Ryan to sign. he's back in his own clothes and his knapsack is sitting on the table next to the clipboard. he signs the piece of paper then walks over to the door, a man opens it for him. Sand	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x01 - The Aftermath"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Cohen kitchen in the morning - the first thing we see is the a close up of the counter. its a mess, there are empty Chinese containers, a half eaten apple, crumbs, a plate with what looks like banana skins on it, and newspaper. the camera zooms back to show there is also a half eaten bagel and what looks like a cloth that's wiped up a spill and been left there. Sandy is at the fridge in his robe. Seth comes into the kitchen. we can now also see a pizza box right at the end of the counter. Sandy takes the milk out of the fridge, there is about 1/2 left in the bottle Seth: morning dad Sandy: hey you're just in time for breakfast, who wants cereal (holds up box) (Ryan was at the kitchen sink and has now come into the sht) Seth: (suprised) we have cereal Sandy: yeah I found some tucked away in a cabinet (Ryan picks up the milk and unscrews the lid, he smells it and screws up his face) Sandy: cereal doesn't go bad does it Ryan: ugh, no but milk does (pours the off milk down the sink) Sandy: how bout some humus Seth: (frowns) breakfast Sandy: (at the fridge) ssssure, with a side of (looks) of sesame beef (takes both out) breakfast'a champions Seth: as much as I love botchelism ill pass Ryan: yeah I'm gonna stick with coffee (holds up cup) Sandy: c'mon you guys we gotta eat together, it's a special day, you're both seniors Ryan: its jus registration (looks at Sandy) Sandy: it's a coming of age moment...we Cohen's love coming of age moments Seth: (looks at Ryan) you should'a seen this guy at my Bah Mitzvah, he was frothin at the mouth Sandy: I was excited then, I'm excited now...I'm proud'a you both (Ryan nods, looking down) an so is your mom even though she's not here to tell you about it Seth: or prevent us from (throws some food like it's a basketball sht) livin in this cesspool (throws more food, it hits a plate and bounces off) Sandy: boy she kept this place in tip top shape without so much as pickin up a sponge Ryan: eah, how did she do that Seth: (frowns) uh her presence kept us neat Ryan, it's that pricing evil eye (tries to do it to Ryan, lol) it's a powerful thing (Ryan looks at him like he's crazy) Sandy: she's a woman'a many talents (Sandy goes quiet and looks sad. Ryan looks at him, then at Seth worried. Seth looks at Sandy) Seth: we could have dinner tonight right (Sandy turns around) Ryan: yeah sure, just the three of us Seth: yeah Ryan'll even clean up Ryan: he will (points at Seth) (door bell) Sandy: (smiles) ill pick up the steaks (nods) (Seth nods, he and Ryan still look worried. Sandy goes to answer the door - the next thing we see is Sandy opening the door. Julie is standing there) Sandy: boy you've got some nerve showin up here Julie: look, I apologise for...our little, misunderstanding Sandy: (annoyed) oh so I misunderstood, you didn't try'to frame Ryan for the shting Julie: Sandy, I only did what any parent would do, I was trying to keep my family afloat Sandy: (looks at Julie) yeah by using my kid as a raft Julie: you can lecture me later but right now we need to put our differences behind us because we have bigger problems Sandy: ...what's happened now Julie: I got a call from the school this morning, apparently the parents are protesting...they want Ryan an Marissa (raises eyebrows) out Sandy: (closes eyes) oh i should'a seen that comin ill stop by there an talk to em (nods, not worried) Julie: no you don't get it, they have a petition they filed a motion- (Seth and Ryan come to the door) Seth: (touches Sandy's back) see ya dad Ryan: later Sandy: have a good day (looks back at Julie) Julie: Sandy unless we can put a stop to this...Ryan an Marissa are getting expelled (Sandy looks shocked. we see Ryan and Seth now in the car) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet The diner - we see people sitting at a table and then we see that Marissa, Summer, Ryan and Seth are sitting together in a booth to the right. a waitress is there with them Marissa: an we'll take pancakes, with extra butter (hands menu back) thanks (smiles) (the waitress walks away) Summer: (sad) whoa, this is the last time we'll ever order pancakes before registration Seth: it's a...sad thing to you Summer: yeah it is sad, everything we do this year is for the last time it's like a farewell tour Marissa: (looks at Summer) actually after the summer we've had that doesn't sound so terrible, if we can make it through this year (looks at Ryan) Ryan: yeah if we can get through graduation Marissa: (raises eyebrows) with no major traumas Ryan: then ill be happy Summer: no you guys that is unacceptable (Seth smiles) look I know that our summer sucked Marissa: (laughs) ta say the least Summer: (looks at Marissa) but we made it through it...no one is in juvi or in a jumpsuit Seth: I think Marissa would'a worn one well (Marissa looks at him, nods) I do, it's the right cut on you (Ryan smiles) Summer: point is, the four of us are together an (shrugs) it's our senior year, so, it's our last time to make everything all time Seth: (frowns) hmm (Ryan is frowning as well, Summer waits and Marissa smiles) Ryan: (looks at Seth) she makes a good point Seth: (nods) she's becoming quite the motivational speaker Marissa: ok Sum (Summer looks at her) you win, it'll be the best year ever (grins) Summer: thankyou (holds up hand) high five (Marissa high fives her) best-year-ever (Marissa smiles) (Seth and Ryan don't look quite as confident as Summer & Marissa, lol) CUT TO: Harbor school - Julie is standing in the hall pacing, Sandy walks up Sandy: Jimmy couldn't make it Julie: he's working, business associate from Hawaii showed up Sandy: (pacing) ah just as well, one Montague one Capulet...that should be plenty (Julie looks at him) (Dr Kim comes out) Dr Kim: (smiles) Sandy, Julie, come on in (Julie walks in, Sandy follows and closes the door behind him - we are now inside Dr Kim's office) Dr Kim: you have to understand no student at Harbor has ever (shakes head) ben involved in a shting Sandy: a-an I know as principal you have'to do something but ii-...(pleadingly) if you could please avoid expulsion Dr Kim: there is a petition, circling, amongst the parents, almost a thousand signatures (puts hands out) it's hard to ignore that kind of outcry Julie: (closes eyes) Dr Kim, you know my daughter, right, tall pretty (Dr Kim listens) wears Chanel, not exactly what you call (raises eyebrows) gangsta (Sandy looks at her) Sandy: look, the bottom line is Marissa an Ryan are good kids...they deserve to graduate with their friends Dr Kim: (leans forward) an if it were up to me they would Julie: but it is up to you, I mean you're the principal Dr Kim: the board thought it would be a good idea to bring in someone new (raises eyebrows) (we hear the door open. Sandy and Julie are listening) Dr Kim: a specialist in school safety (in the background a man has entered the room) Julie: oh you mean like, a hall monitor (Sandy looks at her) Jack: flattering but (walks in) actually more like Dean of discipline...Jack, Hess nice to meet you Sandy: (stands, shakes Jacks hand) Sandy Cohen (points) Julie Cooper-Nichol (Julie stands and shakes Jacks hand) Julie: uh I'm very anxious to talk about Marissa (smiles) Sandy: an Ryan (sits) Jack: thanks but uh...don't really think that'll be necessary (Julie looks at him) I've read their files, talked to the arresting officers, I know what I'm dealing with Sandy: well you never really know what your dealin with until you talk to the kid (Jack humours him) I was a PD in the juvenile system for a number of years an I...weeell I've seen my fair share of kids in trouble (Dr Kim looks at Jack) Jack: so have I Mr. Cohen, got a masters in education (Sandy looks at him) taught six years in boarding schools back east, I like to think I know what I'm doing (raises eyebrows smugly) Sandy: I hope so (Jack looks at him) these kids very much wanna go to college, if you kick em out, they've got no sht Jack: (cold) well, frankly, I'm not here to make everyone happy (Jack and Sandy look at each other. Dr Kim looks from Jack, to Sandy, worried. Julie looks at Jack) Jack: ill let you know my answer by this evening (Jack leaves. Sandy looks at Julie, worried. Julie looks away, also worried {I just have to say that I've wanted to ht Jack since I saw him on the preview, and seeing more of him just makes me hate him more! lol. he is just an ass!} CUT TO: Newport Bay Yacht Club - we see Jimmy walk in and look towards the bar, he looks worried. he stands there for a few seconds before going over. a man is sitting at the bar with a drink Don: Jimmy (Jimmy smiles) another scotch on the rocks for my friend Jimmy: oh friend, that's a-that's a good sign (smiles nervously) Don: you know I like you Jimmy Jimmy: uh-hh Don: even though you test my patience Bar tender: here you go sir (puts drink down) Jimmy: thankyou, soon you uh will have the money soon Don: think you said that two months ago Jimmy: well uh, wills gonna be ready any day now you gotta-you gotta believe me (smiles at Don) Don: I believed you before (looks at Jimmy) when you said you were gonna sell me a boat but you...pissed away my deposit on some crazy stock venture (almost laughs) Jimmy: do we have'ta-do we have'ta relive this Don: point is (looks at Jimmy) I'm nice...but I'm not as nice as I look (Jimmy looks down) I got alotta friends who'd be more than happy to take care'a this for me (Jimmy nods) all I gotta do is pick up the phone Jimmy: ...your gonna have your money (sighs) I promise (smiles) (Don smiles and clinks his glass with Jimmy's. they both take a drink then Don looks at Jimmy) CUT TO: Harbor school - the first thing we see is a big banner gradually being pulled into the air. the banner is a browny colour. on it in white letters is 'THE HARBOR SCHOOL' underneath that in bigger letters is 'KICKOFF' in yellow, and CARNIVAL in different colours. Marissa and Summer appear from around the corner, they are walking towards where the banner is. Marissa has a binder in one arm and a coffee in her hand. Summer just has her arms folded across her stomach Summer: Coop you need a wheelbarrow for that binder that things a (almost laughs) monster Marissa: well its everything I need for Kickoff Carnival (ducks under the banner with Summer) waivers invoices, vendor contract (raises eyebrows, looks at Summer) Summer: ow, that is so boring it hurts Marissa: (looks at Summer) so I take it you won't be joining us for social committee this year Summer: hmm let me think about it, no Marissa: Sum it's our last year, what happened to living every moment (they are now in the student lounge) Summer: well Coop you know how I feel about school sponsored events (frowns) love to go to them, hate ta plan them (we can see what Summer is looking at which is a group of girls sitting on chairs in front of a podium. another girl is standing at the podium) Summer: ugh prefer not to look behind the curtain (looks at Marissa) you see if I join clubs ill have'to hang out with (softly) girls like that (points, frowns) Marissa: (frowns) Taylor Townsend Taylor: (at the podium) ok (bangs pen) guys, I spent the whole summer working on your Kickoff Carnival (Summer looks at Marissa, shocked, Marissa makes a face as if she is annoyed, but not suprised) so I have tons of great ideas, I mean I didn't even have a vacation (laughs) but you know someone has'to do it right (nods) Summer: Coop she is totally stealing your meeting Marissa: yeah well she's been fighting me for social chair since, like (shrugs) freshmen year Summer: god, nothing I hate more than perky blondes who wanna (raises eyebrows) take over the world (Marissa raises her eyebrows) c'mon (Taylor is talking in the background. Summer walks over to her. Marissa follows) Summer: uh-hm Taylor (Taylor looks at her) hey (waves) uh (points) I think your at Marissa's podium (folds arms) Taylor: (suprised) Marissa (smiles) I'm sorry I just went ahead an guessed that you weren't gonna be making it today Marissa: (nods, squints) ooooh, well (puts hands out) here I am Taylor: well I just assumed with everything that you've been through this summer, you know with the (clenches her teeth and points a finger, I think it's suppose to be a gn, lol) (Summer raises her eyebrows & glares in disbelief) Marissa: (looks at Taylor) rrright, well I'm fine (wiggles eyebrows) thanks Taylor: oh, you are so strong (Marissa glares) but listen sweetie if it gets to be too much (Marissa tilts her head, glaring) you just holler, I can totally take over since I pretty much did the whole thing myself last year (the girls on the chairs look from Taylor to Marissa/Summer) Summer: (laughs sarcastically) uh-uh, yeah, that's great an everything but (frowns) d'you wanna take your stuff off the podium now (Taylor's smile goes, Summer grins at her, waiting) Taylor: ...absolutely (smiles) ...ill justttt be gone in a jiff (Marissa smiles, and puts her head on the side) Summer: (grins) ok (motions with head) lets go (Taylor reluctantly shuts her binder and picks it up. as she walks passed, Marissa waves, smiles and whispers bye Summer just watches her go with her arms folded. Marissa's smile goes) Summer: oh that bitch is going down CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - we see 2 trash bags on the counter and some type of food being thrown onto the counter. the camera pans up to show Seth standing on the opposite side of the counter Seth: you sure you don't need a hazmat suit in there (frowns) (we can now see that Ryan is in the fridge going through the food. he has 2 containers in his hand, and pulls out a plate) Ryan: (screws up his face) oh my god look at this, chicken skewers from the fourth'a July Seth: (looks) those things fossilised yet Ryan: yeah, what're you doin (goes back to the fridge) Seth: makin a Seth Cohen starter pack for mom, rehab edition, got the new Klosterman, got Craig Thompson's blankets, an I got Motley Crue's dirt, figure'it'd help put moms indiscretions in perspective Ryan: very thoughtful, alright that's pretty much everything d'you wanna give me a hand here (Ryan puts more food into the trash bag and screws up his face. Seth leaves the starter pack sitting on the counter and goes over to Ryan. Ryan picks up the trash bag and walks out. Seth follows him, and in true Seth style he left the other trash bag on the counter, lol) Seth: how're things with you an Marissa Ryan: yeahh they're fine Seth: fine? (Ryan stops and looks at Seth in disbelief, then walks back and picks up the other trash bag. poor Ryan!) Seth: they're fine Ryan: yeeeah why wouldn't they be fine (sighs) Seth: (puts hands out) I don't know, cause she sht your brother, throw the average couple for a loop Ryan: look we've ben livin an breathin with it all summer, now its over we jus wanna get- put it behind us Seth: you guys? talked about it right, I mean you've hashed it out (looks at Ryan) Ryan: (looks at Seth) we don't need to (they are now out the front) Seth: dude, Summer an I fought over a comic book for a year Ryan: yeah what's your point Seth: (puts hands out) its just if I've learned anything from being with Summer it's that every issue in a relationship snowballs, even small things (Ryan puts the trash bags in the bin, by himself!) Seth: you gotta deal with it or eventually it'll come between you (walks away) (Ryan stands there thinking for a second before following) CUT TO: Suriak T.C - we see an open suitcase that has some clothes in it. the camera pans up to show Kirsten holding some more clothes. in the background we see Charlotte walk in. Kirsten looks worried Charlotte: ...skippin town Kirsten: (turns around, suprised) ahh, yeah (smiles) checking out tomorrow (laughs a little) you Charlotte: yeah (sighs, moves closer) almost all packed Kirsten: oh I just can't wait to get...back to my family an my-my house, my bed Charlotte: (sits on the end of the bed) still I know you were um (shrugs) worried about goin too soon Kirsten: well I-I-I cant say that I...I feel really ready but I'm guessing (raises eyebrows) that's normal Charlotte: (raises eyebrows, nods slightly) absolutely...goin homes the trickiest part'a recovery (Kirsten looks at her) the last time I went straight home I relapsed, almost immediately (Kirsten looks worried) I mean after bein here in this bubble, it can be a shock to your system (Kirsten nods) so this time I am planning on making a pit stop Kirsten: well, that seems like a good idea (smiles) Charlotte: my father has a- a cottage, at Lake Arrowhead...totally remote an (nods) empty which makes it the perfect half way house Kirsten: well it makes sense, I mean if there's one thing we've learned here it's to do things in steps Charlotte: (thinks) ...you know iii there's alotta extra room (Kirsten looks at her) i- I mean I know you wanna get home but if your havin any second thoughts...well jus think about it (smiles, stands) Kirsten: thanks (smiles) (Charlotte leaves and Kirsten continues packing, she turns around and looks at the doorway) CUT TO: Newport Bay Yacht Club - Jimmy is sitting at a table by himself drinking. Julie comes in and holds up a finger to the bar then goes over to him Julie: so, have you heard anything Jimmy: aaaabout Marissa Julie: (looks at Jimmy) is there another crisis we're dealing with Jimmy: (laughs) course not oh uh uh school hasn't called yet Julie: (sits) so how was your drink with that client, did you...sell him a fleet of yachts Jimmy: (smiles, looks down) it was uh- it was fine...look I-I I know your worried about Marissa but you never know she could...catch a break Julie: Marissa, catch a break (tries not to laugh) that'd be a first (drinks) Jimmy: I don't know, Cooper families been on a bit of a...lucky streak recently Julie: my husband died in a pool, our daughters about to be expelled...what'do you define as lucky Jimmy: you an I got back together (takes Julies hand) Julie: (smiles) an thank god...because it's the only thing keeping me sane (waitress puts the bill down on the table and says whenever you're ready. Jimmy looks at it then at Julie. Julie looks at him then at the bill) Jimmy: I uh I-I um...left my wallet in the car Julie: (looks at Jimmy) Jimmy Jimmy: can't we just (shrugs) put it on Cal's tab Julie: yeah, why not, we've charged a summers worth of drinks to him (Jimmy smiles, relieved. Julie's cell phone rings) Julie: (answers) Julie Cooper-Nichol (Julie mouths to Jimmy,'it's the dean') CUT TO: Cohen backyard - through the glass door we can see Ryan at the outside table putting out plates. we hear Sandy on the phone but we can't yet see him Sandy: oh I understand Dean...an this decision is final (sighs) is there any way I can get you ta reconsider (raises eyebrows) there'll be an opportunity for appeal...well I'm sorry to hear that...I jus want you to know I (shakes head) I think your makin a huge mistake (we now see Ryan walking over to Seth who is grilling the steaks) Ryan: steaks ready Seth: shhh, grilling is an art form Ryan it can't be rushed (Sandy comes out to join them) Sandy: hey guys Seth: hey you want yours rare dad Sandy: sure... (frowns) Ryan: what's wrong Sandy: I've got some bad news, I had a meeting at the school today an there concerned about bringing you an Marissa back after what happened Ryan: (looks at Sandy, shocked) I'm getting kicked out Sandy: no (raises eyebrows) your not (Ryan looks at him) but Marissa is (Sandy looks from Ryan to Seth, Seth looks at Ryan. Ryan looks stunned) CUT TO: Suriak T.C. - we see the front of the building then we see Sandy and Kirsten sitting side by side on the bed in Kirsten's room. she's holding Seth's starter pack from earlier Kirsten: (reads) dirt, the Motley Crue story, well, that oughta put things in perspective (laughs) Sandy: (looks) our son has a very strange take on self-help Kirsten: (laughs) ooooh, how are the boys (Sandy looks at her) I miss em Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) there great, they miss you like crazy...but I'm guessin there gonna be seein ya soon taking that (points) suitcase as a good sign Kirsten: (nods) I am leaving Sandy: oh honey that's great news your timing couldn't be better (Kirsten looks at him) we cleaned up the house it was...it was a pit (nods) Kirsten: ...Sandy I'm not coming home...I'm going to Lake Arrowhead with a friend Sandy: (looks at Kirsten, shocked) ...a friend Kirsten: her name is Charlotte...she has alot of experience with these things...the dangers of relapse Sandy: honey if you're thinkin about relapse w- why check out at all Kirsten: I'm not saying that its just that...(sighs) Sandy: you don't wanna come home Kirsten: no (closes eyes) yes (nods) I wanna come home, of course I do...I jus need to know that when I do...that I'm home for good...that this is all behind me (Sandy looks away, Kirsten looks at him) Sandy: (sadly) ...is there a timetable...for this Kirsten: oh Sandy I don't know (shakes head) Sandy: well when you do...call me (Kirsten half smiles and they kiss. awww) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Marissa is lying on her bed holding Share Bear in her hands. she's looking down sadly. we hear the sound of the door opening and Summer, Seth and Ryan walk in. Marissa sits up, suprised Summer: (worried) Coop Marissa: (smiles) hey Summer: how ya doin Marissa: ooh, I've been better (hugs Summer) Seth: ah we thought uh you could use some breakfast (puts down bag) we got bagels an a support group (Marissa smiles) (Seth puts Captain Oats and Princess Sparkle on the bed) Summer: yes, Captain Oats is a really good listener an Princess Sparkle she jus kind of stands there an looks cute Marissa: (smiles) aww you guys didn't have'to do that Ryan: and we're gettin you back in (Marissa looks at him) you shouldn't have'to suffer for this (raises eyebrows) if anyone has to it should be me Marissa: well you didn't (raises eyebrows) sh*t somebody...I did Ryan: I don't care what it takes, we're gettin you back in (Marissa smiles at Ryan, Ryan smiles back) CUT TO: Cooper-Nichol bedroom - Jimmy is using a laptop and Julie comes in, dressed in workout gear Julie: hey Jimmy: hey I'm jus checking online there's some decent schools in the area Julie: an Marissa won't be going to any of them Jimmy: what Julie: I was jus brainstorming during cardio bar which is where I do all my best thinking, and I came up with a solution Jimmy: well uh...I'm all ears Julie: money Jimmy: (looks at Julie, frowns) excuse me Julie: we give Harbor a fat donation, remind them there kicking out Caleb Nichols step-daughter Jimmy: except that um...that Caleb's not around anymore Julie: (sits near Jimmy) oh but his money is, or at least it will be whenever they get around to untangling his seventy nine Swiss bank accounts (smiles) Jimmy: I don't know Julies iii don't uh (shakes head) I don't think it's gonna work Julie: (holds hands out) then it's a right off, I mean- (kneels next to Jimmy) look I admit it's a long sht but we've got'to at least try, honey this is our daughter we're talking about Jimmy: (looks at Julie) ...your right (kisses Julies cheek) Julie: (smiles) so you write the cheque I'm dry until the will comes through (walks away) Jimmy: uhhh w- how-how how much are you thinkin like uhhhh two thousand orrr three Julie: wake up Jimmy, the Sigfrieds donated a pool and a field house, their son only smoked pot, Marissa sht someone, we've gotta at least give em a hundred grand (smiles) (Jimmy looks stunned) CUT TO: Harbor school - we see Taylor in front of the podium again, and the blackboard next to her says Kick-off Carnival Meeting Taylor: what happened to Marissa Cooper...is a tragedy...but let it be a lesson to all of us...one minute your on top...the next your on the streets, with that in mind I would like to take a moment of silence (Summer comes in) to remember Marissa Cooper an the great work she did as social chair (Taylor looks down and closes her eyes, the rest of the girls do the same) Taylor: (after a few seconds, looks up) that felt really good (Summer starts walking over) ok so it is with a heavy heart that I assume Marissa's post aaaas social chair Summer: (sits at a table) uh-hm (raises hand) Taylor: Summer Roberts Summer: (puts hand down) I was jus wondering if anyone else um has a chance to try out (frowns) Taylor: (smiles, condescendingly) what, are you saying that you wanna be social chair Summer: (raises eyebrows) maybe Taylor: (laughs) ok um...have you ever done this kind of work before Summer: (scoffs) please, no (closes eyes) but I- Taylor: have you ever done any extra curricular activities at all, an remember shopping doesn't count Summer: (nods) ok, maybe I'm not like super qualified but neither are you Taylor: Summer who do you think has been running this committee these past few years Summer: um Marissa Cooper Taylor: Marissa Cooper...has been busy (raises eyebrows) skipping school, experimenting with her sexual orientation, and I was here (Taylor is near Summer now) picking up the slack doing all of the work while she got all of the credit, do you have any idea what its like to have all of the responsibility an none of the power (Summer looks at her) (yells) do you (Summer closes her eyes, Taylor looks at her) Taylor: ok then (laughs, goes back to the podium) lets get back to work people, we have a carnival ta throw (Summer looks at Taylor then looks away and screws up her face) CUT TO: Lake Arrowhead - we see Charlotte's car pull up, on one side is a lake on the other is a cute little cottage. Kirsten looks out the passenger window, almost mesmerised. Charlotte looks as well. Kirsten and Charlotte both get out and shut their doors at the same time. Kirsten looks up at the house, smiling Kirsten: Charlotte it is so charming Charlotte: (smiles) thanks, god I haven't been here in years...we stopped coming here when dad bought a house on the vineyard...(smiles) I always loved it...well that wasn't too important to dear old dad (looks at Kirsten) you know how that is Kirsten: but your here now (nods, smiles) Charlotte: (nods, confidently) yeah (Kirsten and Charlotte both laugh. Charlotte goes up to the door and puts a key in the lock) Charlotte: goh, my dad was also a security freak (laughs) so he locks this place up like Fort Knox (lock clicks) ahh there we go (Charlotte opens the door and walks in, Kirsten smiles and follows. they are now inside the cottage) Charlotte: so this is it...oh an the kitchen (points) is right over there where I will be teaching you to cook (playfully pushes Kirsten with the side of her body) whether you like it or not (Kirsten laughs) Kirsten: (looks around) it's beautiful (Kirsten's smile goes, however she has her back to Charlotte) Charlotte: thinkin about Sandy Kirsten: (turns around) ...can't help it...I feel like I've let him down yet again Charlotte: (moves closer) your doin this for him (looks at Kirsten, reassuringly) Kirsten: I don't think he sees it that way Charlotte: (matter of factly) well then show him, invite him over for dinner Kirsten: you really wouldn't mind Charlotte: of course not, you've been talking so much about your perfect husband, id love to meet him (grins) (Kirsten smiles) CUT TO: Harbor school - we see Ryan pull up in the parking lot, in the black range rover. he gets out and starts walking towards the school - the next thing we see is Ryan standing in the hall. Dr Kim is walking in the background. Ryan turns around and sees her Dr Kim: (smiles) Ryan Ryan: Dr Kim (smiles) hey (walks over) I need'a talk to you Dr Kim: Ryan, the board had an exhaustive debate about (Ryan closes his eyes) you an Marissa an they came to what I think is a fair decision (touches chest) (Dr Kim walks into her office, Ryan follows) Ryan: great but they might change their minds if they knew what happened Dr Kim: they do know what happened an the board has reached their decision Ryan: (not giving up) look who can I talk to h-how can I change this Dr Kim: (sighs) e- you'd have'to talk to the new dean, this is his department Ryan: great so if Marissa an I could jus talk (sits) to him (puts hands out, raises eyebrows) tell him our story (Dr Kim doesn't say anything) Ryan: (desperate) ...please (swallows) CUT TO: Summers room - Seth knocks on the door and goes in Seth: hey, are you hungry, I thought we could get a little bite to eat (rubs stomach) (we see that Summer is lying on her bed looking depressed) Summer: (screws up face) I'm too sick to eat Seth: you're sick Summre: yes the senior years sucking Seth: it hasn't even started yet (sits, touches Summers leg) Summer: ugh, sooo (sits up) it's already terrible, Marissa got the axe and (sighs) now I have'to watch as uber bitch feeds on her remains (looks down, sadly) Seth: you mean that Taylor girl Summer: you know I actually thought I could compete with (raises eyebrows) psycho Barbie for social chair (rolls eyes) Seth: (frowns) you wanted'a be social chair Summer: no it's just all I could do to help (frowns) to try to keep Marissa's legacy from falling inta the (screws up face) grubby little paws of Taylor Townsend Seth: ok well you should Summer: I cant, she's Taylor Townsend she's like the Karl Rove of our school (raises eyebrows) Seth: so you can take Karl Ro- (suprised) you know who Karl Rove is (touches Summers arm) Summer: yeah my step-mom sometimes naps in front'a CNN (closes eyes) I hear things as I'm dragging her off to bed Seth: (pats Summers arm) ok, well look I know you don't think of yourself as active Summer: no, two hobbies shopping an sunbathing Seth: but you have Marissa as a resource, now you combine that with your natural god given rage (reassuringly) you have everything you need'a topple that tired Taylor Townsend Summer: (frowns) your right (raises eyebrows) you know what (taps Seth's nose, aww) we need to go to Marissa's (gets up) Seth: (frowns) really should'a said I was hungry Summer: (yells) come on CUT TO: Newport Bay Yacht Club - we see Jimmy open the door and walk in. he goes over to the guy from earlier, Don Don: Jimmy (smiles, laughs) you proved me wrong, figure you'd be tossin back tequila sht in Wahaka by now Jimmy: I don't have the money Don: (unimpressed) ...you're kidding right Jimmy: no...and uh I (sits) haven't even gotten to the unbelievable part yet, I uh I need to ask you for a loan (looks at Don) Don: (laughs in disbelief) (Jimmy smiles) oooh I'm sorry (shakes head) you wanna borrow money Jimmy: a hundred thousand dollars, it's for my kid she's uh she's had a-a some bad luck Don: mm runs in the family I guess Jimmy: look the best way for you to get your money...is to give me more Don: so why don't you sell the boat Jimmy: well if it were mine (sighs) the bank owns it now, look I-I'm in a...I'm in a real pinch here (Don raises his eyebrows) once the money comes in, I pay you back Julie an I we-we-we-we (laughs) we live happily ever after ok, I, trust me I-I-I I got a plan (Don half smiles at Jimmy. Jimmy looks at Don, hopeful) CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Marissa are walking in the hall together. Marissa looks unsure Marissa: you really think this is gonna work Ryan: yeah, well, we gotta at least try right (Marissa looks at Ryan. Ryan knocks at Jacks doorway. Jack looks up and sees Ryan and Marissa standing together) Jack: (suprised) wow (stands) you must be Ryan an Marissa, its good to finally meet Harbors most notorious couple, please, come in (Marissa walks in. Ryan follows behind her) Jack: have a seat (motions) (Marissa sits down, she looks nervous, Ryan stays standing) Ryan: so uh we jus we wanted to tell you our version of what happened Jack: this...(looks up) doesn't really concern you, Ryan (Ryan looks at him) as far as I know your still enrolled at Harbor, despite my best efforts (Ryan looks at him, shocked) so I say we focus on Marissa, hm (Marissa looks at Jack, Ryan looks at him then sits down) Jack: so uh-hm Miss Cooper (sits on the edge of his desk) tell me why I'm wrong about you Marissa: (thrown) uh (breathes out) I (frowns) uh Jack: because that's what this is about right (Marissa frowns) (leans forward) I've got you all wrong Marissa: I don't know I...jus know I've never been involved (shrugs) in anything like this before Jack: really, well I- I gotta disagree with you Marissa: (confused) what're you talking about Jack: you know I'm new, to Newport, I moved here few weeks ago from the east coast...so far, its not bad (Ryan and Marissa look at him) the weathers great an you know what else I like about it here...people here talk...they looove to talk (Marissa realises) especially about you Marissa: you can't buy inta the gossip in this town Jack: (looks at Marissa) alright, so, yeah (stands) you tell me then (Ryan looks at him, not liking where this is going) shop lifting, alcohol abuse (Marissa looks at him) an overdose in Tijuana an please (holds out hand) stop me if any'a this is just gossip (smiles smugly) Ryan: those things have nothing to do with what happened with Trey (Jack looks at him) Marissa: you know what I did do those things (Jack looks at her) but I mean the shting was different Jack: Marissa (shakes head) its never different (Marissa looks at him) a troubled kid gets a'hold of a gn the ending is always the same Marissa: (matter of factly) I'm not troubled Jack: (bends down, coldly) you almost klled another kid I don't even hear a hint of remorse in your voice (Marissa goes to defend herself then stops and looks confident) Marissa: because I don't have any (raises eyebrows) (Ryan looks at her, worried) I'm proud of what I did an id do it again (looks at Jack, calmly) so, you know what (Jack looks at her) maybe the next time your out on the town talking with people (stands) you should tell them I said that (Marissa goes to the door. Ryan stands to follow) Jack: (shakes head) huh (Ryan stops) I hope she gets a good, long look (Ryan looks at him) on her way out (shakes head) she's never setting foot in this school again (Ryan glares at Jack) CUT TO: Cohen living room - on the TV we see a sht em up game, we then see that Seth is playing the game and Summer is sitting next to him with a huge binder on her lap Summer: (eyes closed) all the California fre codes are in here (points to head) I think (looks at Seth) will you test me Seth: oooh...no Summer: what, Cohen come on I have'to catch Taylor breaking a rule otherwise I have no sht at taking back this carnival Seth: well you know your not gonna out Taylor Taylor I mean fre codes an regulations, that's her bread an butter Summer: (nods) well what'do you suggest Seth: I suggest you find something that your good at that she's not (looks behind) (we see Ryan come in from outside) Seth: hey dude you wanna play (Summer turns around to look at Ryan. Ryan doesn't say anything he just goes into the kitchen) Seth: more in the mood for stewin, I got it (keeps playing) Summer: (looks at Seth) you should go talk to him Seth: pshh Summer: go talk to him (looks at Seth) (we are now in the kitchen. Ryan takes a drink from the fridge and sighs. Seth comes in) Seth: you ok Ryan: not really Seth: look I know this thing with the dean has ya...a little pissed off (Ryan looks at him) or alot Ryan: (puts drink down, leans on counter) it was all I could do to keep from kickin (raises eyebrows) that guy's ass Seth: I know how it feels...actually I don't but you don't do that kinda thing anymore (points) right Ryan: well sometimes, like right now, it seems like the best way to handle things Seth: (looks away) I don't like where this is heading Ryan: (softly) yeah well... Seth: ok well listen, I mean even if you can't get Marissa back inta school...alright at least she's not goin to jail, it's not the end'a the world (Ryan grabs his drink and glares at Seth like he doesn't get it, and leaves the kitchen possibly more pissed off) CUT TO: Cooper-Nichol bedroom - Julie is looking at herself in the mirror and Jimmy comes in Jimmy: wha-la (holds out the cheque) one hundred thousand dollars (smiles) Julie: (not phased) oh thanks but I don't think we're gonna need it Jimmy: (shocked) we don't Julie: eh Marissa had a meeting with the dean yesterday, apparently she showed him a side of herself she usually reserves for me (puts make up on) Jimmy: it was that bad huh Julie: (grins) I don't think any amount of moneys getting her back in that school Jimmy: (sighs) oh I'm sorry (looks at Julie) well at least we found out now (kisses Julies neck) saved us some money (kisses, laughs) Julie: (thinks) actually (takes the cheque) I could use this (walks away) Jimmy: (confused) what Julie: you know the landscaper the pool guy the gardener, I mean none of them have been paid since Caleb died (laughs) I'm afraid one of em's gonna kll me in my sleep (Julie leaves and Jimmy looks stunned at what just happened) CUT TO: The site of the KOC - Taylor is standing with a bunch of girls, and that familiar blackboard. Summer and Seth walk over Taylor: ok, next I've got your station set up right here (sees Summer) Summer (laughs) you showed up and um...you brought a little friend (Seth looks at her) sssSeth Cohen, is it Seth: (raises hand) present (smiles) Taylor: so as I was saying- Summer: uh we had some ideas so we came to help (smiles) Taylor: oh well that's sweet, but we've got it under control Seth: (through his teeth) well your right? yet again (turns to leave) Summer: hmm right Taylor: so as I was saying- Summer: (stops Seth) hey Ash (the girls look at her) um what would you think about (thinks) getting a chocolate fountain Ash: that would be awesome, didn't Britney have one at her wedding (Taylor looks at Summer in disbelief) Summer: you know what, she did (wiggles eyebrows) and uh Seth an I here rented one for tonight (the girls gasp excitedly) Taylor: (gasps) well sorry Summer, that's not really our carnival Girl: well it should be (the girls agree saying yeah and really) Girl: (smiles) what else Summer: (excited) well I was thinking (Seth points at her proudly) for food how bout like mini burgers mini dim sum maybe like mini soups in little sht glasses (Taylor looks shocked) Seth: yeah, oo (the girls are agreeing) Summer: how cute is that because (puts up finger) mini is the new super size Girl: so true Seth: we should also maybe cancel uh Shenanigans Taylor: what Seth: I'm telling you the Harbor comedy troops gotten way too political lately Ash: (to girl) ever since Tina Woo left they are so not funny (Taylor is standing there with her mouth open, stunned) Summer: you know what, an why are we raffling off a gas guzzling S.U.V ugh (screws up her face) from Taylor's dads dealership (points) when we could give away a hybrid Girl: (to Ash) air quality is so important Ash: I know (raises eyebrows) we breathe it (Taylor goes to say something but cant) Summer: alright you guys so who is on board with my (points to herself) carnival (all the girls clap cheer and woo.. Summer claps proudly then makes a sad face at Taylor and mouths 'I'm sorry'. Taylor just glares at Summer) CUT TO: Lake Arrowhead - we see Sandy pull up in his Lexus. he gets out and looks up at the cottage. in the background we see Charlotte come up some stairs, which appear to be leading down to the lake. she stands there and stares at him for a few seconds, before he looks over and notices her. Charlotte walks over Charlotte: hey, you must be Sandy Cohen...bit of a legend back at Suriak (holds out hand) Sandy: thanks Charlotte nice to meet you too (shakes hand) Charlotte: (smiles) Kirsten's just up in the kitchen Sandy: (points) you left her unsupervised Charlotte: consider it therapy (nods) Sandy: boy everything seems to be therapy now days...cooking...holing yourself up in the woods Charlotte: this place'll be great for Kirsten Sandy: (looks at Charlotte) what would be great for Kirsten is for her to be with her kids (nods) Charlotte: ...look Sandy I know you don't know me an I (Sandy raises his eyebrows then looks away) know this all seems a little weird (Sandy frowns) but (shrugs) I've ben around this track...a few times (raises eyebrows) I'm not proud of that but at least I've learned a few things...an I know that the reason Kirsten was in rehab in the first place is cause she spent the (frowns) better part of her life tryin'a be the perfect daughter, so now if she tries to be the perfect mother an the perfect wife...(raises eyebrows) Sandy: (nods) she may never come home (Charlotte looks at him) (Kirsten comes down the stairs) Kirsten: (smiles lovingly) I'm so glad your here Sandy: I am too (smiles) (Kirsten giggles and they kiss passionately, aww. Kirsten has her arms wrapped tightly around Sandy's neck. Sandy kisses her cheek and they hug. Charlotte stands behind them and creepily watches) Charlotte: (after a few seconds) ok, who wants dinner (smiles) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - its now night. Marissa is lying on her bed, on her stomach reading. we hear a knock at the door. she looks up just as Ryan opens the door Ryan: hey Marissa: hey (frowns) why aren't you at the carnival Ryan: (shuts the door, sighs) because (gets on the bed) I was hoping I could get you ta go with me (leans closer) Seth an Summer are there it'll be fun Marissa: mm (Ryan kisses her) Ryan: mm Marissa: or really depressing Ryan: (half laughs) ...look um abut that (looks at Marissa) its not over yet (Marissa scoffs) ...I'm gonna talk to Sandy an maybeee get em a copy of our testimonies Marissa: (closes her eyes) Ryan Ryan: if your innocent of all the charges then they're gonna have'to admit you shouldn't be punished right Marisa: no, no (sits up) it's over (gets off the bed) Ryan: I don't get it why don't you wanna fight this (stands up) Marissa: because I can't keep doing this, ok (Ryan looks at her, confused) look I appreciate everything you've done to help me but...maybe you've done enough Ryan: w- what is that suppose'ta mean (moves closer) Marissa: (loud) I don't need you to help me, I don't need you to protect me, I don't now an I didn't then (Ryan goes to touch Marissa and she pulls away) Ryan: w- oh what so this whole thing is my fault (Marissa looks at him) look what happened was between me an Trey you didn't need to get in the middle of it Marissa: so I was suppose'to watch you die (Ryan looks at her) I did what I did (shrugs) an I'm prepared to face the consequences Ryan: yeah well there are consequences for me to (raises eyebrows) he was my brother Marissa: (teary) right...an now because of me he's gone Ryan: (looks at Marissa, shakes his head) no, you know that's not what I mean Marissa: (upset, motions for Ryan to go) Ryan Ryan: (nods, softly) yeah... (Ryan starts walking away and Marissa stands there with tears in her eyes. when we hear him open the door she closes her eyes and gets more upset then we hear the door shut) CUT TO: The KOC - we see the ferris wheel going around, with balloons floating up in the air all around it. we see what looks like a mini pirate ship, then a big red banner that says HARBOR SCHOOL KICKOFF CARNIVAL, and either side it has TOYOTA. the hybrid is sitting underneath it M.C: an the winner of the Toyota highlander Hybrid is Gillian Flynn (we see two girls jumping up and down excitedly. Summer and Seth walk up and clap her. Ash and the girl from earlier walk over to them) Ash: hey Summer, totally awesome carnival, we love the mini burgers Girl: an high five for taking down Taylor Summer: (high fives) thanks guys (Ash and the girl laugh and walk off) Summer: bye, have fun (Summer doesn't look like she's enjoying herself) Seth: (notices, touches Summers arm) hey, why the sad face this is your Rooney moment Summer: I know I jus I can't (shrugs) enjoy it, not without Coop (pouts) Seth: no Summer: no, (sadly) we're never gonna go back to the way things were are we Seth: I don't know...but you worked too hard on this carnival to miss out on it Summer: I know but Cohen(closes eyes, pouts) Seth: come on (turns Summer around) one mortal ride on the tilt-a-whirl is the least we can do (pushes Summer gently) CUT TO: Cohen backyard - Ryan is sitting on the edge of the pool with his feet dangling in the water, he looks sad. Sandy walks over Sandy: I thought you'd be at the carnival Ryan: (looks up) well...it didn't really work out Sandy: (looks at Ryan) so I guess Marissa's expulsion hasn't been easy on you two huh Ryan: yeah I jus wish there was somethin I could do (softly) you know (looks at Sandy) Sandy: so you wanna fix this, the universal male instinct (shakes head) happens to the best of us (sits) Ryan: so what I'm spose'to sit here an do nothing Sandy: no you need to go back (Ryan looks at him) but jus listen Ryan: (nods, looks down) yeah jus listen Sandy: trust me...it works better than ya think (Ryan looks as though he's considering it) CUT TO: Newport Bay Yacht Club. Jimmy & Julie are at a table together having a candlelit dinner. they are both laughing. the waiter is also there Jimmy: um (laughs) could we- could we get another bottle of uh Dom Perignon Julie: mm (swallows) Jimmy: ahhh Julie: oook Daddy Warbucks (Jimmy laughs) what's the occasion Jimmy: wh- cant- cant I take you out to a nice little dinner Julie: sure it's just that I thought we agreed that tonight was Taco Bell an dancing with the stars Jimmy: well (looks at Julie) I brought you here because I wanna tell you that I...am never leaving this family again (Julie listens) I lost you once Julie an I...(softly) I'm never gonna let that happen again Julie: (smiles, closes her eyes, softly) James Jimmy: and um...with that...in mind (looks down) (Jimmy holds out a black ring box to Julie and opens it. inside is a gorgeous ring. Julie looks at it, then Jimmy) Julie: my old ring (Jimmy nods and gently slides it on Julies finger) Jimmy: (holding Julies hand, looking into her eyes) will you marry me Julie...again (raises eyebrows) Julie: (looking into Jimmy's eyes) of course (Jimmy smiles and Julie leans forward and kisses him, wrapping her other hand around his neck. Jimmy lets go of Julies hand and puts his hand on Julie's neck) CUT TO: The lifeguard tower on the beach - we see that Marissa is sitting there by herself. it's hard to tell because its dark but she seems like she's thinking. Ryan slowly walks up the ramp Ryan: want some company Marissa: ...sure (Ryan sits down next to Marissa and sighs) Ryan: ...(raises eyebrows) sorry about before Marissa: (nods slightly) I know (Ryan looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at him. Ryan holds his hand out and Marissa takes it. aww) Ryan: you know (Marissa looks at him) I was always worried that i screwed things up for myself here...get in trouble...ruin the chance the Cohen's gave me...an now I screwed things up for you Marissa: (looks at Ryan) Ryan...I'm not gonna let getting kicked out of Harbor ruin my life, an I'm not even gonna let it ruin my year, look...I know that we're not in school together anymore but (Ryan looks at her) at least we still have this last year in Newport together Ryan: (smiles) I'm listening. CUT TO: The KOC - we see the tilt-a-whirl come to stop and Summer and Seth are on it. Seth is leaning over the bar like he feels sick, and he doesn't look the best. a guy opens the bar Summer: thankyou Seth: thanks... Summer: (gets off) ugh, how're you feelin Seth: (stands, screws up his face) my stomach is far too Jewish for that ride...but I'm almost done spinning (Summer guides Seth through the exit gate - Taylor notices them standing there and goes over) Taylor: (taps Summers back) Summer (Summer turns around and looks Taylor up and down) Taylor: hi, I jus wanted ta thank you for all your little touches on the carnival...its jus its really sad that Marissa Cooper couldn't be here to see this (Summer folds her arms defensively) it must be hard having your friend ostracised from the school Summer: (looks at Taylor, annoyed) ok Taylor number one Marissa was not ostra...whatever (closes eyes) Seth: (softly, while glaring at Taylor) ostracised (Taylor looks at Seth then back at Summer) Summer: number two she happens to be on her way right now (raises eyebrows matter of factly) (Seth looks at Summer, confused) Taylor: Marissa's coming here Summer: oh I'm not done yet, an number three (to Seth) do we have a number three Seth: oh yeah we do, number three this is the best carnival this school has ever seen (points) an not jus because I cancelled Shenanigans Summer: (smiles) YEAH (raises eyebrows) Seth: yeah Summer: come on Cohen (Seth and Summer walk away. Taylor stands there by herself - the next thing we see is Seth and Summer walking passed the hybrid) Seth: (frowns) I didn't know Marissa was coming Summer: ...(wide eyed) me neither, Coop! (we see Marissa and Ryan walking towards Summer and Seth) Marissa: (smiles) hey (Marissa laughs and hugs Summer. aww) Summer: hey Marissa: aww I couldn't miss your first kickoff carnival (Ryan smiles) Summer: not bad, huh (Seth smiles) Marissa: I couldnt'a done it better myself (Summer smiles) Ryan: (to Marissa) so can I interest you in the ferris wheel (Marissa looks at Summer and Seth) Summer: mm (smiles) (Seth and Summer walk off. Ryan has his arm around Marissa and they follow) Marissa: what were you saying (Taylor sees that Marissa is at the carnival, she watches them and looks like she's up to something) CUT TO: Lake Arrowhead - we see the cottage in the distance, and a light is on. we then hear footsteps and see Kirsten slowly making her way down the stairs. when she's almost at the bottom we hear faint crying/whimpering Kirsten: Charlotte... (we see Charlotte sitting on a bench with her head buried in her knees, crying) Kirsten: (worried) Charlotte, what's wrong Charlotte: (looks up, wipes her face) I'm sorry, did I wake you Kirsten: (sits opposite) no no I was up, what's the matter Charlotte: um (sniffs) ...I haven't...I haven't been totall	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x02 - The Shape of Things to Come"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - The Diner in the morning - the first thing we see are gorgeous shts of the ocean and the pier. then we are inside the diner. Ryan, Marissa, Summer and Seth are sitting in a booth together opposite each other Summer: this is so wrong, like epically tragic, end'a the world locusts an horned beasts bummer (pouts) Ryan: ahhh its fine (raises eyebrows) it's really not that bad guys Marissa: yeah, I mean Ryan an I don't go to Harbor anymore but (looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at her) it'll be fine Seth: not for me (shakes head) Summer: (looks at Seth) yeah without Ryan it'll be like freshmen year for Cohen, slammed into lockers, shoes peed in (Seth frowns) ridiculed as death-breath-Seth Marissa: (thinks) didn't you use'ta call him that (Summer smiles and then it quickly goes. Seth looks at Summer, frowning) Summer: this was spose'ta be the best year ever Ryan: kay, really not...cheerin us up here Seth: why'do you need cheering up, I'm the one who's gonna get his ass cheeks duct taped together Summer: whoa yeah you guys should be psyched, no mean Dean, no annoying (raises eyebrows) Taylor Townsend Seth: (looks at Ryan) urine free foot wear Summer: freedom to do whatever you want Marissa: except what I want is to go to school...(Ryan closes his eyes then looks at her) Summer: well at least you guys have each other, if you stick together everything'll be ok (Marissa and Ryan look at each other) Ryan: deal (raises eyebrows) Marissa: deal (half smiles) (Marissa's cell phone rings, she looks at who is calling) Marissa: (answers) hi mom (Summer looks at her) ...ok (hangs up) she wants me home right away to discuss my future Ryan: alright, we'll hook up later then (Marissa looks at Ryan. Ryan's cell phone rings now. Marissa smiles) Ryan: ooo (Seth frowns) (answers) hello (Marissa looks at him) yeah alright, I'll be right there (hangs up) Sandy Marissa: soooo (looks at Ryan) Ryan: uhhhh (raises eyebrows) have a good day Seth: (smiles) oh thanks Ryan you too (Summer looks at him) sorry (puts head down) Summer: you guys (points) both of you have a good day (wiggles finger) together (Ryan and Marissa get up to leave. Ryan does a small wave) Seth: you really believe all that stuff Summer: what that you'll be ridiculed at school (nods) definitely Seth: (looks at Summer) about Ryan an Marissa sticking together an everything being ok Summer: well if they can stick together, I don't know they've survived alot, I don't know that they can survive this Seth: (sad) I'm gonna need you to hold me Summer: (motions with hand) oh, c'mon Seth: hold me (leans into Summers shoulder) Summer: come on (Summer puts her arm around Seth, and Seth has his head on Summers shoulder. awww) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Cohen dining room - Sandy is sitting at the table on the phone, with papers and a model house infront of him. Ryan comes in Sandy: look, I've never done this before, no no I am in charge eh...look its not my usual job (looks over at Ryan) so let me know when the crew shows up (hangs up, frustrated) (Ryan goes over to the fridge) Ryan: hey (shuts fridge) tryin'a keep the Newport group afloat while Kirsten's gone Sandy: that an everything else Ryan: an...I haven't exactly been makin life easier for you I know Sandy: oh its not me I'm worried about kid (looks at Ryan) its you (Ryan looks at him) why'dont you sit'down (Ryan walks over to the table) Sandy: I understand everything you've been through this summer what with your brother an Marissa an now school (Ryan sits, looks at Sandy) (shakes head) you have'ta move passed all that Ryan: (matter of factly) I am, I want to Sandy: (frowns) I don't think you do (Ryan looks at him) those kids at Harbor Ryan are no better than you...but their workin towards their future an your sittin here- Ryan: well I don't wanna be (looks at Sandy) I-I jus Sandy: you couldn't help sluggin the Dean Ryan: he had his hands on Marissa Sandy: which is wrong...(sternly) you gotta stop thinkin about Marissa Cooper an start thinkin about yourself (Ryan looks away) I think you should stop seein her for a while Ryan: (laughs) oh come on Sandy lets not overreact here Sandy: I'm not saying break-up, I'm saying take some time apart...until you get out of this hole you've dug for yourself (Ryan doesn't look at Sandy, and he doesn't look happy. he stands and walks away) CUT TO: Cooper-Nichol living room - Julie is writing on a note pad which has alot of things with lines through them, she has a phone in her other hand. Marissa comes in Julie: (looks up) hey sweetie Marissa: (unenthusiastically) hey Julie: I have really good news an I wanted'ta tell you in person Marissa: (flops on the chair) mm, I need some good news Julie: I have been on the phone all morning with Caitlyn's boarding school (smiles) they've agreed ta take you Marissa: (shocked, sits forward) boarding - school Julie: well apparently the more elite the institution the more accepting they are of criminals, not that you're technically Marissa: (frowns) no way, I'm not going Julie: (leans forward) but honey, you get a fresh start where nobody knows you, i mean nobody but your sister an I've agreed to up her allowance to keep her quiet Marissa: I don't care who knows Julie: (loud) well you should, you need to get back on track...or did you think you'd just spend the year hanging out with Ryan ruining your life Marissa: (sadly) no I thought I was gonna spend it here with you an dad, getting our family back together Julie: (softens, sympathetically) oh honey (Julie moves closer to Marissa then puts her hand on her shoulder) Julie: ok, I won't force you to go to boarding school but you have'ta promise me one thing Marissa: (closes eyes, pulls away) what Julie: well you have'ta stay away from Ryan Marissa: (stunned, stands) mom this is not his fault Julie: Marissa, I gave you your independence an look where you ended up (Marissa looks away) barely escaping jail an kicked out of school (looks at Marissa) you need ta listen to me...let me an your father handle this (Marissa looks at Julie, not happy) CUT TO: Cohen house out the front - the first thing we see is Jimmy getting out of his car, on the phone. we can't see a cell phone just a thingy that is on his ear Jimmy: look I told you, I'll handle it, you'll get your money, everythingssss under control (Jimmy rings the Cohen's door bell and takes the thing off of his ear - inside Sandy opens the door) Sandy: (suprised) Jimmy Jimmy: hey, Sandy...so these past couple weeks'a ben (sighs) pretty crazy no ones been thinkin straight (raises eyebrows) I know (points to self) I know I haven't an I just wanted to say on behalf'a my whole family...I'm sorry Sandy: (nods) I appreciate that (shakes Jimmy's hand) Jimmy: thanks Sandy: come on in Jimmy: (walks in) you know uhh...this is kinda awkward cause it's not the only reason why I came over (looks at Sandy) Julie an I have been living in limbo (raises eyebrows) for the past couple'a months (Sandy nods, smiles) I mean its not that you know we need the money Sandy: you wanna know when the lawyers are gonna read Caleb's will Jimmy: (smiles, relieved) if you-if you don't mind making a phone call Sandy: (frowns) is there anything I...I need to know Jimmy: oh w no no I mean uhh nah, are you kiddin no its fantastic it just uh I jus wanna give my fiancé a little piece'a mind, that's all Sandy: (raises eyebrows) well anything for the soon to be Mrs. Cooper-Nichol-Cooper (Jimmy laughs) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Summer are in the student lounge together Summer: you know isn't it a little immature of seniors to be giving wedgies Seth: (holding his backside, frowns) they were hm...large...bitter hm* Summer: oh Cohen Seth: oh god don't look (we see that Jack/Dean has come into the student lounge) Summer: what Seth: (whispers) I jus said don't look! Jack: hey, I'm glad I found you two, what'do you think about helping with the schools production of South Pacific Seth: ooo I'm all for that (Summer looks at him) (realises) oh you meant us helping Jack: considering I happen to know for a fact you two were responsible for Marissa Cooper crashing the carnival (nods) the least you can do is offer to be stage hands for the drama club Summer: no way, ok, I will join the synchronised swim team do rhythmic gymnastics sht put collect stamps march for woman's rights free animals from the laboratories, you know I will even read comic books with Cohen an his whack pack of social maladjusts (Seth raises his eyebrows) but drama club (wiggles finger, shakes head) no, see Taylor Townsend is the president an (realises) (we see a cheery Taylor walk over) Summer: suddenly, this all makes sense (smiles) Seth: aahhh we'd be stage hands an Taylor'd be Taylor: the director, that's correct and writer Seth: (frowns) pretty sure Rogers an Hammerstein wrote South Pacific Taylor: well I changed some lyrics, cut a character (Jack looks at her, smiling) it was just such a good musical, it made me wish it were better! Summer: (over enthusiastic, raises eyebrows) that sounds awesome, it does yeah (normal) but you know what I think that we are really busy (nods, looks at Seth) right Seth: totally booked up, I'm gettin tired jus thinkin about it (Taylor makes a puppy dog face at Jack, bottom lip out and all) Jack: well uh-hm it is purely voluntary of course (goes to walk away, stops) uh but (scratches nose) unless you wanna join Ryan an Marissa in the streets (smugly) id think about showing a little Harbor school spirit (Seth bits his lip and closes his eyes. Summer looks at Jack, not impressed. then at Taylor even less happy) CUT TO: Newport Bay Yacht Club - Jimmy walks over to Julie who is sitting by herself looking at a menu. he kisses her on the lips, which suprises her Julie: mmm, wow, hello (huge smile) Jimmy: (sits) lets get married Julie: ok (touches Jimmy's shoulders) the part where you propose an I say yes, already happened Jimmy: no-no-no like right now, I mean not...right now but as soon as possible like-like (shakes head) Saturday Julie: (blinks) what can we pull together in under a week Jimmy: (frowns) come on, two hundred strangers a DJ playing cool an the gng who needs it (shrugs) just...the family, close friends an we-we could do it here Julie: (coming around) tasteful, understated, maybe a breakfast thing mimosas Jimmy: oh yeah (nods) Julie: (getting more excited) a chef making custom omelets I like it (smiles) Jimmy: (smiles) yeah, ill call Reverend Donahue (kisses Julie) Julie: mm (laughs) Jimmy: an then the honeymoon, we stock up the boat..sail off right after the ceremony, two weeks in Hawaii that'll get our heads straight (Julie has a dreamy look on her face) an then we can uh y'know (raises eyebrows) come back ta reality Julie: (frowns) oh Jimmy what're we gonna do, Marissa begged me not to go to boarding school I- I've called every school within a fifty mile radius an let me tell you something they all read the paper, I jus wish there were a way to keep the family together an give Marissa the clean slate she deserves Jimmy: (touches Julie's hair) things won't seem so bad when we're anchored in Hanalei Bay Julie: (thinks) James...what is your opinion on the educational system in Kaua`i CUT TO: Lake Arrowhead cottage - we see a sht of the cottage from outside and then we see Sandy standing by himself in the living room? he's just walking and looking around. Charlotte comes in from another room Charlotte: Kirsten said she'll be right out (moves closer) we weren't expecting you i- (frowns) is everything ok Sandy: (raises eyebrows) yeah, fine thanks (Charlotte nods, Sandy looks at her) Charlotte: ok, well (shrugs) ill let you have some privacy Sandy: (softly) thankyou (Sandy waits and Kirsten comes out from the opposite side to Charlotte) Kirsten: honey, what'a ya doin here (smiles, laughs) (Kirsten goes over and gives Sandy a big hug. awww) Kirsten: mm (Sandy kisses her cheek) not that it isn't great to see you Sandy: (rubs Kirsten's back) oooh its official business I'm afraid...there readin Caleb's will on Friday (Kirsten looks worried) what's wrong Kirsten: iiits just (shrugs) I've worked so hard to put my dad behind me an...do I have'ta decide right now can I think about it Sandy: of course, yeah, whatever you need to get better (Kirsten looks at him) I gotta tell you though...at Suriak...you seemed alot more positive Kirsten: reality is a little more complicated than they tell you at Suriak Sandy: says who...Charlotte Kirsten: ...I've seen her on the verge of relapse Sandy (Sandy listens) she has these stories about how you think you've ht bottom an then you find a...new low'ta sink to Sandy: oh honey it sounds like she's tryin'a scare ya Kirsten: she's just being honest (Sandy nods) Sandy... Sandy: (smiles) mmm, alright (Kirsten smiles) well let me know what you wanna do about the will Kirsten: (smiles) ok (Sandy leans forward and kisses Kirsten. they hug again. Sandy still looks worried. in the background we see a door close, as if Charlotte was standing there the whole time listening) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Marissa and Ryan are making out on Marissa's bed. Ryan is on top of Marissa Marissa: mm you should probably go Ryan: mm hmm Marissa: cause if my mom finds you here she'll kll you Ryan: mm not if Sandy kills me first (smiles) (Marissa laughs) (they continue kissing. we hear a knock at the door. Marissa and Ryan stop kissing) Julie: (calls) Marissa Marissa: (whispers) hide (Ryan jumps off the bed and falls on the floor, lol we hear the thud!) Marissa: (a little louder) hide (Ryan heads towards the balcony and Marissa runs to the door. she unlocks it) Marissa: uh what mom (opens door) Julie: we don't have locked doors in this house (walks in, looks around suspiciously) Marissa: sorry, I didn't know it was (fixes hair) so, what's up Julie: (smiles) your father an I have decided to move the wedding up to Saturday Marissa: ok, great (smiles) Julie: an then we were thinking of Hawaii Marissa: err always a classic choice Julie: well we thought we'd take the whole family, you and your sister (smiles) Marissa: ok, I'm happy (shrugs) ta work on my tan Julie: and then we thought we'd...sort of stay there Marissa: (frowns) what'do you mean Julie: a fresh start...for the whole family, put Newport an all of our history behind us...a new life Marissa: (raises eyebrows, stunned) wwwhat, no, ok mom we can't I-I can't Julie: (stern) you can and you will (Marissa looks at her) after the wedding on Saturday the Coopers are moving to Kaua`i (Julie leaves the room, Marissa looks upset and stunned. Marissa looks over towards the balcony as Ryan comes back in. they just look at each other helplessly) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen the next morning - Ryan and Seth are in there together. Ryan pours omelet mix into a frying pan. Seth is behind him making coffee Seth: ok how bout this, you an Marissa run away together Ryan: uh last time I tried to run away Seth: we were ambushed by the cops, got it, I guess you're not up for the model home idea either Ryan: ahh I thought we might be able to start with something that didn't involve me getting arrested (frowns) Seth: is it my fault that most of our half baked adolescent schemes goes hopelessly array an my dad has'ta bail us out Ryan: (looks at Seth) uh usually yeah Seth: (moves closer, with coffees) ok uhh new shape (raises eyebrows, holds coffee out) Ryan: m thank you (takes coffee) Seth: the Coopers are movin to Hawaii, you move there also get a job as a scuba instructor (Ryan looks at him) and or work on a macadamia nut farm I (closes eyes) love macadamia nuts Ryan: what if Marissa moved in here Seth: (looks at Ryan) ...I think the nut farm has a better sht Ryan: why not, Marissa should be in Newport for her senior year right wherever we end up goin ta school, we got plenty'a room, Kirsten an Sandy are like the Coopers oldest friends Seth: an Julie Coopers not exactly your biggest fan (raises eyebrows) Ryan: (blinks, thinks) where's Sandy Seth: my moms office, Ryan he's never gonna go for that man, he doesn't even want you seeing Marissa (Ryan looks at Seth and sighs) fine your gonna need amo (Seth picks up a bagel and hands it to Ryan) Ryan: (waves the bagel, softly) thankyou CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer and Marissa hug sadly, they are sitting on Summers bed next to each other Summer: (sad) you can't leave, I won't let you Marissa: (looks at Summer) I know Summer: oh no I really mean that I wont let you, ill restrain you if I have'to, you may be tall but I am wiry and I have Ryan on my side (raises eyebrows) Marissa: except Ryan's part'a the reason (shrugs) they want me to leave Summer: well whatever, you got outta going to boarding school Marissa: yeah, because I really didn't wanna go to boarding school Summer: so what're you saying that you really wanna (closes eyes) go to Hawaii Marissa: no no it's just the best we can do if our family wants to stay together (Summer looks at her sadly) (sadly) hey it's just...for the first time like ever (raises eyebrows) my parents are actually happy...they've been given a second chance and...as crazy as it might sound (frowns) I think I wanna be apart'a that (Summer looks at Marissa sadly, then looks down) CUT TO: Jimmy's boat - Julie and Jimmy are there together. the first thing we see is them kissing passionately Julie: (laughs) wow...what's gotten into you Jimmy, you've been tense for weeks an now your acting like a new man Jimmy: well I jus feel like we're finally moving forward you know (Julie nods) wills being read tomorrow we're getting married (kisses Julie) Julie: mm-hmm, oooh (gasps) speaking of which...I-I I told the caterer id meet him like (looks at watch, panics) five minutes ago we're tabling a motion turkey sausage or pork (starts to leave) Jimmy: (puts hands out) why not both Julie: (looks at Jimmy) why not (smiles) ohhh (kisses Jimmy) mwa (Jimmy smiles and watches Julie leave. we see Julie bump into Don on the dock) Julie: oop, hi, hi there (smiles) (Julie walks away and Don watches her as he moves closer to Jimmy's boat. Jimmy raises his eyebrows) Don: that the missus Jimmy: soon to be (Don laughs) looks like this stories gonna have a happy ending (Don is now onboard) didn't believe me on the phone Don: you been saying the same thing this whole time why would I believe you now Jimmy: because now it's true...(confident) your gonna have all your money tomorrow night, every-every dime Don: (looks at Jimmy) that's all I wanted to hear (goes to leave then turns back) your a good guy Jimmy I'm rootin for ya (nods) but I gotta tell ya this as clear as I can...this is it (holds up crossed fingers) see ya tomorrow night (Jimmy nods and laughs. Don leaves) CUT TO: Kirsten's office at N.P.G - we hear a knock and we see Sandy sitting behind Kirsten's desk doing work. Sandy looks up and we see Ryan walk in with one hand behind his back Ryan: I brought you somethin (smiles) Sandy: is it a three-point-plan about how your gonna keep your grades up graduate on time an get into a great college Ryan: it's a bagel (puts bagel on the desk) toasted, cream cheese (sits) Sandy: (closes eyes, picks up bagel) I'm sorry about yesterday...I assume your here for more than breakfast Ryan: I don't know if you heard but theee Coopers are movin to Hawaii (looks at Sandy) Sandy: (looks at Ryan) the Coopers Ryan: ...I was thinkin maybeeee (looks at Sandy) Marissa could stay here live with us Sandy: you got alotta nerve even to bring that up Ryan: look I get it alright (sits forward) I don't wanna be here, ask you this but (sighs) uh but I care about this girl...an I cant just stand by an watch as she's dragged off to some island by her paranoid mom...you an I are both here because somebody gave us a break...well, now Marissa needs one Sandy: (thinks) ...I think havin Kirsten gone is makin me all sentimental (Ryan smiles, stands) or maybe my brain is fried from doin all these real estate deals...your plan poses a myriad of obstacles Ryan: (points) anything you could do, thankyou! (Ryan leaves and Sandy picks up the phone - the next thing we see is Kirsten thinking, her cell phone rings. Kirsten looks at who is calling and smiles) Kirsten: (answers) hey Sandy: hey Kirsten: I was jus thinking about you, about seeing you, on Friday Sandy: (happy) so your gonna come Kirsten: mm well, I'm not exactly looking forward to it the (sits) the will part I mean, but...I think it's important for me to be there and uh I think I can handle it Sandy: then ill see you tomorrow...is there any chance you might...you might wanna stay after that Kirsten: (unsure) lets see how it goes (Charlotte comes out carrying a tea pot and cups on a tray. she smiles at Kirsten) Kirsten: bye honey Sandy: ill see you soon (Charlotte sits down in the chair next to Kirsten's and puts the tray down. Kirsten smiles and hangs up) Charlotte: so you're going to the reading of the will, sorry over heard Kirsten: (nods) I think it's the right thing'ta do Charlotte: right for you or your husband (looks at Kirsten) Kirsten: Sandy supports whatever I decide (looks at Charlotte) he offered to go in my place (smiles) Charlotte: (nods) then maybe it's your father your tryin'a please (raises eyebrows) Kirsten: well it's a little late for that...(looks at Charlotte) I'm not going for him, I'm going for me (Charlotte nods) I feel great Charlotte: ok jus...please promise me you'll sleep on it (Kirsten looks at Charlotte and smiles) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer and Seth are helping out with the play, we can't see Seth yet though only Summer. Taylor is there as well ordering them around Taylor: ok left, no not stage left my left, ok this way, towards me (we now see that Summer is struggling with a straw roof of a Tonganese hut. that is what Taylor is giving directions on. every now and then Summer grunts) Taylor: moooore...leeeeess (grins at Jack) a little more, a little less, and a little less, and a little less Summer: (frustrated, lets go) ok that is good (not happy) Taylor: (looks at Summer then the roof) I was just about to say that, oooh I love the Tonganese beach hut, it's so romantic (nods) good job Summer, Seth...Seth Seth: uh I think I nailed my shirt to the wall (rips it off the nail) (Seth is inside the hut working with a hammer) Summer: he's a little disabled when it comes to handling tools Taylor: Summer it's specially-abled (drinks water) you know...it is so great that you guys have each other Summer: (unsure how to take it) thanks Seth: yes thankyou Taylor: cause I mean everyone knows that Marissa was the popular one an (Summer raises her eyebrows in disbelief) an Seth no judgment but its not like you got any cooler over the last two years I mean (Seth and Summer look at each other, shocked) everyone just acted that way cause they were afraid of Ryan Atwood (Seth frowns) I mean even as a senior your still pretty much the biggest geek in Newport Summer: (had enough, scoffs) oooh, no (points finger) alright listen skank, just because your saying really mean things (mocks) in like a really nice voice (normal) (Seth glaress at Taylor while hitting the hammer on his hand) doesn't mean that we don't realise that your jus some stupid little skank (Taylor looks to the left and we see that Jack has come over to see what the fuss is) Jack: Seth, Summer (Summer looks at him) we couldn't possibly be having a problem here Taylor: (arms folded) oh no (shakes head) no Dean Hess there's-there's um there's no problem (starts crying) everything's just super (walks off still crying) (Seth and Summer watch Taylor, in disbelief) Jack: this is your idea of school spirit (Seth is speechless) one more incident an there'll be consequences (Jack walks away and Seth and Summer just stand there stunned) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is lying on his bed and Marissa comes to the door, she knocks Ryan: (sees) hey Marissa: hey (walks in) (Ryan slides off the bed and they kiss. awww. Marissa wraps her arms around Ryan's neck. Ryan wraps his around Marissa's back and then they hug) Ryan: how you doin Marissa: I think (raises eyebrows) I'm still in shock, I can't believe this is really happening Ryan: what would you say (looks at Marissa) if I told you you didn't have to Marissa: iiiid saaayy (raises eyebrows) what're you talking about (shrugs) Ryan: (smiles) I talked to Sandy and I asked him if you could stay here with us (Marissa looks shocked) took a little bit to get there but he said he'd be able ta help us (Marissa looks away, she doesn't know what to say) Ryan: (moves closer) what's wrong Marissa: (touched) it means the world to me that you would do that Ryan: but... Marissa: but (looks at Ryan) my parents are together now an (Ryan realises) I think we have a chance to be a real family Ryan: ok (takes Marissa's hand) Marissa: so (teary) I'm sorry (Marissa lets go of Ryan's hand and leaves. Ryan just stands there, emotionless) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen the next morning - Ryan, Seth and Sandy are in there together Seth: I don't know, Marissa sounds pretty upset Ryan: yeah an now I don't know what to do (sighs) Sandy: well there's nothing you can do except be there for her an wrap your head around the whole long distance thing Seth: yeah, ill hook ya up with a little webcam action, you can start your own blog keep her updated daily on the innermost workings of Ryan Atwood Ryan: an until then it seems like all I do is make her feel even worse than she already does Sandy: so think of somethin special to do before she leaves Seth: yeah that way she has something to remember you by when she's surrounded by...hot native dudes an lonely sailors (Ryan looks at him, then Sandy does) not that that's gonna happen Sandy: listen I'm gonna see your mom in a few hours, is there anything you want me to pass along Seth: (looks down sadly) could you ask her if she's ever coming home Sandy: oh if we push to hard an it doesn't work out we'll only have ourselves to blame Seth: well maybe if we don't push at all we'll never see her again Sandy: (walking away) you know the situations a little too complicated for those snide comments (Sandy looks at Seth. Ryan looks at Sandy then Seth. Sandy leaves) Seth: maybe I took that a bit too far (Ryan looks at him) come on, give me a ride to school (frowns) ill help you think'a somethin for Marissa CUT TO: Lake Arrowhead cottage - we see Kirsten walking down the stairs outside. Charlotte comes out Charlotte: well you look nice Kirsten: (looks) oh thanks (smiles) I I decided to go after all Charlotte: well why don't I drive you (shrugs) I mean I could wait in the car an then we can stop in Palm Springs for lunch on the way back Kirsten: I ordered a car (Charlottes smile goes) I think I jus need to go alone Charlotte: (nods) your right, have a great time Kirsten: it's just a bunch'a bureaucratic stuff, who gets what property bank accounts, it really won't affect me Charlotte: yeah, but from what you've told me about your dad id...be willing to bet he's planned a suprise for you (Kirsten looks at her) (shrugs) I just hope it's a good one (Kirsten and Charlotte look at each other) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer and Seth are working on the play set again, they are painting waves Summer: (whispers) who came up with that plan Cohen Seth: I did, why does it suck Summer: no I think it's freaking romantic Seth: so you're in Summer: but I also think it's really dangerous Seth: (confused) so you're not in Summer: no I'm in I'm jus saying there's heavy security spy's in our midst (raises eyebrows) like I'm not even gonna tell you what would happen if we got caught Taylor: caught doing what (Summer and Seth look at each other) Summer: talking while we should be painting (Seth points at her) (hits Seth on the arm) god shut up Cohen, your incessant chatter keeps messing me up Taylor: yeah, that seagull kinda looks like its got fins (Seth frowns) Summer: (looks at Taylor) that's because it's a dolphin Charlotte: (nods) make it a seagull (walks away) Summer: (whispers) alright (raises eyebrows) black ops maneuvers commence at twenty one hundred hours (Taylor looks over at Seth and Summer suspiciously) Summer: synchronise your watch Seth: (whispers) hey I thought this was my plan Summer: fine, what'do you wanna do Seth: (thinks) that twenty one hundred thing sounded pretty cool, an then we're gonna synchronise our watches (Summer nods) we have'ta get watches (frowns) CUT TO: Newport Group - Jimmy and Julie are waiting and Sandy walks in Julie: hey Sandy Jimmy: hey (Jimmy and Julie stand) Sandy: Jimmy, Julie, you remember my wife (points) (Kirsten walks in slightly behind Sandy) Kirsten: (smiles) hi Julie: (suprised) Kiki (Jimmy smiles) Kirsten: hiiii Julie: oh my gosh (hugs Kirsten) I didn't know we were gonna see you Kirsten: (softly) good to see you Jimmy: (smiles) great to see you (hugs Kirsten) Kirsten: good to see you too Jimmy: you look fantastic Kirsten: oh thankyou Julie: god, maybe I should check myself inta rehab (Jeff Frankel the lawyer walks in) Jeff: sorry I'm late, lets uh (raises eyebrows) get started shall we Jimmy: great (Julie and Jimmy sit in an armchair each. Sandy and Kirsten sit on the couch opposite them and Jeff sits infront of them all. Jimmy smiles excitedly. Kirsten looks worried) Jeff: Caleb Nichol was a...very generous man who...loved his family very much (nods) Julie: Sandy gave a very nice eulogy at the funeral so lets jus skip the niceties ok (smiles) Jeff: Caleb's wish was (raises eyebrows) to split his fortune equally (nods) between his daughters and his wife (Julie has her mouth open, suprised) Jimmy: wow that's-that's very generous Julie: (happy) I'm getting the same as Kirsten (huge smile) Jeff: as I said that was (raises eyebrows) Caleb's intention Julie: an that's all that matters right (Jeff goes quiet) Kirsten: what is it Mr. Frankel Jeff: ...after careful scrutiny of his account it's become clear that Caleb Nichol was broke Julie: broke...what's broke (Jimmy looks worried) Jeff: well Caleb had a...series of high interest loans (Julie looks stunned) two mortgages on the house (Kirsten listens) back taxes Sandy: what about the business Jeff: eh, why'do you think he was borrowing so much money (we see close ups of Sandy, Julie and Jimmy taking it all in) Jeff: he asked me ta give this to you (Jeff stands and hands Kirsten an envelope) Kirsten: (takes it) what is it Jeff: a personal letter he uh...sent it to me the day he died (Kirsten looks at Jeff and swallows, stunned. Sandy looks at Kirsten. Kirsten grabs her bag and starts walking away, dazed) Sandy: honey (to Jeff) excuse me a minute (stands) Kirsten where're you goin Julie: (stands) w- s- (sighs) (Jeff looks at her) what about me, I mean e- (points) where's-where's my letter (Jeff doesn't say anything) are you saying that-that I don't get anything I mean I don't-I don't believe this Jimmy do something (looks at Jimmy) (Jimmy looks at Julie and then Jeff, stunned) Julie: Jimmy (outside we see Kirsten come out of the doors followed by Sandy) Sandy: what're you doin Kirsten: (scoffs) I should've never come here today, Charlotte told me this would happen Sandy: what, w-what's happened Kirsten: this letter Sandy (holds up envelope) what'do 'you think this is Sandy: well I don't know, let's open it together we'll find out Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) he wrote this after our fight, after I told him he was gonna die alone...I told him every problem our family ever had was because of him, that my drinking was because of him (Sandy listens) could you imagine what he wrote me back (Sandy doesn't say anything) I cant be here right now (walks to the car) Sandy: wait a minute, wait honey wait-wait c'mon (Kirsten gets in the car and the driver shuts her door) Sandy: Kirsten don't (tries to open the door, knocks on the window) come on (the car drives off and Sandy just stands there helplessly) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Ryan goes to the door and goes to knock. he stops when he sees a suitcase on the bed, and Marissa sitting next to it looking at a photo, packing. Ryan knocks Ryan: hey Marissa: (smiles) hey, I didn't think I'd see you today Ryan: why would you think that (smiles, walks in) Marissa: mmm because it's kinda depressing around here Ryan: ahhh Marissa: and (looks at Ryan) I thought you might be mad at me Ryan: well I'm not, if anyone understands tryin'a keep a family together Marissa: (shrugs, sadly) its just I don't want you to feel like I'm leaving, I mean I am leaving (raises eyebrows) but, I'm not leaving you Ryan: what's important right now is that you an I have the best twenty four hours of our lives together Marissa: really (smiles) Ryan: yeah (pulls Marissa up gently) so c'mon we're gonnoo uh maybe head down by the pier meet Seth an Summer, chili cheese fries those black an white milkshakes Summer likes Marissa: (slightly disappointed) sure, the diner sounds great CUT TO: Newport Bay Yacht Club - Julie and Jimmy are sitting together, drinking. Jimmy looks awful Julie: you know Jimmy, when I think about it...I sort of talked myself inta loving Caleb (thinks) not for the money but for the security that money brings (Jimmy looks at her) (sighs) but I never felt safe with him (looks at Jimmy) the way I do with you (Jimmy smiles) an besides its not like we're gonna be poor right, I mean...you have your business in Hawaii (Jimmy frowns) an we'll be sailing inta town on a hundred foot yacht, aloha (drinks) (Jimmy smiles, laughs then his cell phone rings. he looks at who is calling, then at Julie) Jimmy: you know darn I-darn I forgot this um (stands) yes last minute stuff about the uh...the boat Julie: well, ok then ill see you at home Jimmy: oh...you know actually honey um (frowns) its bad luck...ta spend the night before the wedding with the bride so I'll-I'll mee- I'll meet you here, tomorrow (Julie smiles) ok Julie: ok (Jimmy kisses her head) I had no idea you were so traditional, alright then ill see you tomorrow Jimmy: kay (kisses Julies cheek) Julie: (smiles) bye CUT TO: Lake Arrowhead cottage - Charlotte is sitting on the couch by the fre, smoking. we hear the phone ring Charlotte: (answers) hello Sandy: Charlotte hi it's Sandy Cohen Charlotte: (frowns) Sandy, hi Sandy: hey, is uh is Kirsten there Charlotte: no I...expected her hours ago (Sandy puts his head down) is everything ok Sandy: well I uh...I don't think so, she's not answering her cell an if she's not with you...I don't know where she is, any ideas Charlotte: (raises eyebrows) ...e- she didn't wanna go today, Sandy (Sandy closes his eyes) she told me how scared she was, she was afraid that...the stress would cause her to relapse...but she didn't wanna let you down Sandy: ...well if you hear anything would you let me know Charlotte: sure Sandy: thankyou (Charlotte hangs up, pleased with herself) CUT TO: The diner - Seth, Summer, Marissa and Ryan are sitting in a booth together, eating Summer: well that was jus delicious Seth: mm-mm Summer: who's tired, what is it like, god, midnight Marissa: (looks at Summer) it's like eight thirty Seth: oooh Summer: mm (nods) Seth: oooo that's passed my bedtime (hits the table for emphasis) we should get going Ryan: see ya later Marissa: (frowns) wait but I haven't finished my food yet (looks at Seth, Summer then Seth again, squints) you guys are up to something (looks at Ryan) (Seth laughs) Summer: what ppshh, no not at all (Ryan laughs) but we are outta here you know so we'll jus see you at the wedding Seth: Ryan ill cover for you man (Summer and Seth leave Ryan and Marissa together. Marissa and Ryan look at each other) Ryan: (slightly shy) so there's um...a little somethin (Ryan slides out of the booth and holds his hand out to Marissa. Marissa looks at him smiles and takes his hand) Ryan: follow me (we then see the range rover driving down the road) FADE TO: The beach - we see waves crashing on the sand. there is soft giggling/talking here from both Ryan and Marissa. Ryan is leading Marissa on the sand, he has his hand covering her eyes Marissa: I'm peeking Ryan: (laughs) no you're not no Marissa: yes I can, I can see Ryan: nooo, nooo Marissa: (laughs) oww, c'mon where are we Ryan: hey (Ryan stops near a lit tiki torch that is stuck in the sand) Marissa: this is silly (Ryan takes his hand off Marissa eyes and she laughs then looks ahead) Marissa: (suprised) whoa (we now see what Marissa is seeing, which is the Tonganese hut from the play set. around it there are three big tiki torches, with a path of smaller ones leading to the entrance. its gorgeous!) Marissa: did you do all this Ryan: I had some help but uh...yeah (Marissa looks at him adoringly. aww) you like it Marissa: (turns to face Ryan) yeaah I like it (moves closer) you wanna know how much Ryan: ah-huh (Marissa heads towards the entrance and Ryan follows her. they both laugh. we then see the water washing onto the sand again) CUT TO: The dock - we see Jimmy heading towards his boat with a small suitcase. a car pulls up infront of him. Don gets out Jimmy: hey Don Don: hey Jimmy Jimmy: you're early Don: (shrugs) you got my money Jimmy: well to be honest I-I-I-I ran inta some uh...unexpected complications an I-an I don't I-I uh (Don nods) I don't have your money (Don knocks his hand on the bonnet of the car) Jimmy: Don (puts his hands out) c'mon what're we gangsters or something I mean (two guys get out of the car) no we're rational human beings I mean we're jus two guys talking to each other Don: I'm not sayin anything...Jimmy I'm done talkin (shakes head) (Jimmy looks at the two guys who are standing near Don) Don: (motions with head) get in the car (one of the guys picks up Jimmy's suitcase. Jimmy looks at them) Jimmy: car, uh, alright, yeah ill go for a ride Don: Jimmy...I'm sorry (Don opens the door for Jimmy. Jimmy gets in the front and then Don gets in the back of the car. we hear the engine start and see a close up of Jimmy's worried face) CUT TO: Tonganese hut on the beach - we see a lit candle, then we see Marissa and Ryan making out pretty intensely Marissa: mm (stops kissing) mm (sits up) wait stop...I'm sorry but I can't do this (upset) I have'ta go (Ryan watches deadpanly as Marissa leaves. after a few seconds Marissa pokes her head through the curtain door way) Marissa: what (smiles cheekily) you weren't even gonna try an stop me {I just have to say Marissa looks so freaking adorable right there. its such a sweet scene! aww} Ryan: (smiles, stands) ooooooh Marissa: (laughs) what (Ryan picks Marissa up in his arms like a hug, and turns around so she is now facing the door way and he has his back to it) Ryan: you are so not funny Marissa: (laughs) I am kinda funny (smiles) (Ryan kisses Marissa, they kiss for a few seconds) Ryan: so (kisses, breathes heavily) you sure you wanna do this cause uh...we've done alot but (smiles) not this (Marissa nods slightly) yeah...(looks into Marissa's eyes) you know it's gonna make it that much harder for you ta leave Marissa: (looks into Ryan's eyes) I know (Marissa and Ryan are standing close together with foreheads touching. aww. Marissa slowly takes her hands off of Ryan's chest and moves them down to her top, we see a close up of her fingers unbuttoning her top and at the same time Ryan takes his shirt off so he is just in his wife-beater. they look into each others eyes and Ryan is breathing heavily) CUT TO: we are now seeing a montage of different scenes set to the song Salvation by The Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. the first scene is Jimmy walking with Don and the guys on the beach. we see one of the guys smash Jimmy's head into a wooden pylon and we hear a moan from Jimmy. we then see one of the guys hold onto him while the other punches him. Jimmy falls forward then they hold him again and punch him in the stomach, this time he falls to the sand and we see his bloody emotionless face. Jimmy is then dragged off ~ the next thing we see is a bottle of vodka being put down on a counter, and money being put down next to the vodka. we see the worker put the bottle into a brown paper bag then the camera pans up to show it is Kirsten who just brought it. we then see Kirsten come out of the store and get into the car from earlier ~ we then see a close up of Ryan and Marissa. Ryan is on top of Marissa and they are just staring into each others eyes, under the blanket. Marissa puts her hands on Ryan's neck. Ryan leans down and gently kisses Marissa. aww Ryan is holding himself up with his arms ~ we then see the two guys push Jimmy face down into the water. he gets punched, and then punched again. the guy who isn't punching catches him ~ we then see Sandy sitting in their bedroom with his cell phone, he looks at it and then puts it up to his ear, waiting ~ we then see Kirsten inside the car. she is holding her ringing cell phone, dazed. she puts the bottle of vodka into her bag. the next thing we see is the car parked outside of a motel. Kirsten gets out of the car and goes into the office, which has a red neon sign above it ~ we then see Sandy sadly looking at his cell phone, he puts it down, worried ~ we then see Kirsten sitting on the bed in the room, staring at the unopened bottle of vodka which is sitting on the table with her bag ~ we then see Ryan and Marissa, its alot more heated now. they are grinding into each other, kissing. and we see a little of either Marissa's bare leg, or Ryan's bare back sticking out of the blanket, its so fast its hard to be sure which it is. we then see a close up of Ryan and Marissa's heads, they are still kissing ~ we then see Jimmy in the water, still being beaten up. he gets punched ~ we then see Marissa and Ryan sort of on their sides, Marissa is almost on top of Ryan now. Ryan has his arm wrapped around Marissa's back and they are getting more intense ~ we then see Jimmy being thrown into the water ~ we then see Ryan and Marissa again, Marissa is now on top of Ryan, and they are still kissing intensely. Ryan has his hand on Marissa's head ~ we then see Jimmy trashing about in the water ~ we then see Ryan and Marissa again. Ryan is back on top of Marissa and we can see that her chest is sweaty, between them. Marissa lifts her head/body towards Ryan and they kiss more. they become blurry and we see a lit candle clearly ~ we then see that one of the guys is holding Jimmy down under the water. the guy then starts walking out of the water, leaving Jimmy in there. the wave crashes over him) CUT TO: The beach the next morning - we see the sun rising, seagulls flying and then we see a sleeping Ryan and Marissa in each others arms. {aww they look so freaking cute!} Marissa has her head on Ryan's chest, with her arm over his bare chest. Ryan has his arm around Marissa's bare back. after a few seconds we hear a cell phone ring. Marissa starts to stir. she rolls off of Ryan, rubs her eyes and grabs her phone. she leans up on her elbow and looks at who is calling. Ryan opens his eyes, and looks over at Marissa Marissa: (answers) hello...(sits up, worried) what's wrong (Ryan sits up as well - the next thing we see is a now dressed Marissa and Ryan running on the dock. they head over to Jimmy's boat the slow dance. Marissa climbs onboard) Marissa: (calls) dad... (stops) oh my god (we see what Marissa is seeing, which is a truly gross sight. Jimmy's face is covered in bruising and dried blood. both eyes are black, he has a fat lip, cuts and swelling. it's awfu. i felt sick watching this scene!l) Jimmy: hey...kiddo Marissa: (worried) ...what happened (frowns, sadly) Jimmy: uh...I'm in trouble I'm-I'm-I'm in real...trouble Marissa I...tried to fix it I-I I coul- I couldn't fix it (sighs) I gotta go an I-I can- I can't take you with me Marissa: dad... Jimmy: look I've ben a...terrible father (Marissa looks at him) Marissa I uh- Marissa: dad, look I don't know what kinda trouble you're in but...if you have'ta go then go (Jimmy looks at her) ...but if you leave then I don't want you to come back (shakes head) its too hard to keep saying goodbye like this (Jimmy nods, Marissa leans forward and hugs him) Jimmy: hey watch (Marissa pulls away) watch the ribs there Marissa: (softly) sorry Jimmy: yeah Marissa: is there anything I can do Jimmy: ...yeah you can uh...you can give this...to your mom (holds out the wedding ring) (Marissa takes the ring and looks at Jimmy, teary) Jimmy: I uh, not that it makes any difference but...I really love her (Jimmy kisses Marissa on the head and then Marissa leaves the boat. Ryan is waiting for her on the dock. Jimmy moves over to the railing and watches them) Ryan: c'mon, let's go find your mom (Marissa looks back at Jimmy then they walk away. Ryan has his arm around Marissa. Jimmy watches them) CUT TO: Lake Arrowhead cottage - we hear a knock at the door, and then we see Charlotte come into the room Charlotte: Kirsten thank god (stops) (we see what Charlotte is seeing, which is a professional looking lady standing in the doorway) Lady: Ms. Morgan...uh sorry to bother you Charlotte: what is it Lady: I don't know quite how to put this but the family (raises eyebrows) that owns this place has had a change in plans there returning sooner than expected...tomorrow actually Charlotte: (shocked) w- we have a deal, this place is mine for two more weeks Lady: well that would be the case if your cheque had cleared but since it didn't, how bout I charge you for the two weeks an you just (shrugs) start packin (smiles, laughs) Charlotte: (smiles) alright let me (points) let me get you some cash (nods) (the lady stands in the door way, waiting - the next thing we see is Charlotte quickly stuffing some clothes into a bag. she then opens a drawer and pulls out the Cohen Chrismukkah photo of Kirsten's and puts it into the bag. by this I am assuming that Charlotte is in Kirsten's room, and has packed all of Kirsten's things not her own. she then walks over to the window) Lady: (calls) so you think you'll uh head back east Charlotte: (opens window) actually I thought id spend some time at the beach (Charlotte throws the bag out of the window then goes to climb out herself. lol) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - we see a very sad looking Sandy resting his head on his hand, looking very worried and lost. behind him we see a shadow in the hallway. the camera slowly pans across to show it is Kirsten! slowly walking in. Sandy looks over and sees her standing there Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) I'm home Sandy: (stands, relieved) oh thank god your alright (Kirsten and Sandy move towards each other and kiss. aww. they then move into a tight hug. Kirsten puts her hand on Sandy's back and closes her eyes) Kirsten: I'm so sorry I scared you...I think I even scared myself Sandy: (sighs, looks at Kirsten) where were ya Kirsten: at a sleazy motel...with a bottle of vodka...but I didn't drink (Sandy looks at her) oh Sandy I'm sick'a hiding from my life (smiles) I wanna live it again Sandy: if things get messy...we'll clean em up together (Kirsten takes the envelope with Caleb's letter, out. she holds it between them) Sandy: (looks at the envelope) ooo Kirsten: can't do this without you Sandy: I'm right here (Kirsten goes over and sits where Sandy was when she came in. Sandy stands beside her. Kirsten and Sandy look at each other. Kirsten takes a deep breath and slowly pulls the letter out and starts reading) Kirsten: (teary) it's an apology (Sandy smiles) oh my dad (laughs) course he'd have'ta be dad to say nice things (crying) (Sandy looks at Kirsten. Kirsten turns and buries her head in Sandy's chest, still crying. Sandy gently strokes Kirsten's head and then leans down and kisses it. Kirsten touches Sandy's arm) CUT TO: Newport Bay Yacht Club - we see Marissa walk in and head over to Julie, she looks worried. Julie is dressed up for the wedding, standing beside a gorgeous 3 tier wedding cake with flower arrangements, candles and rose petals all around her Julie: (sees Marissa) oh there you are honey (Marissa doesn't say anything she just keeps walking towards Julie. Julie looks at Marissa, then she looks ahead and sees that Ryan is also there. Marissa looks at Ryan, he looks down. Julie looks as though she knows something isn't right) Julie: (looks at Marissa) Marissa what's wrong...where's your father (Marissa looks at Julie, not knowing what to say. Ryan watches on helplessly. Marissa looks down and holds up the wedding ring) Julie: (upset) no...no (looks at Marissa, takes the ring, teary) (Marissa hugs her) oh my gosh what am I gonna do what're we gonna do (more upset) Marissa: it'll be ok (frowns, sadly) we'll figure it out together (softly) like we always do (we see a close up of a teary, upset Julie still hugging Marissa. aww) CUT TO: Harbor school - the outside sht which usually shows kids everywhere is pretty much deserted. we then see Summer and Seth carrying the straw roof of the Tonganese hut back to the set of the play Seth: well Summer id say our first foray inta musical theatre was a big success Summer: aww honey, if I were you I wouldn't say (shakes head) foray like, ever (puts the roof down) uh but we did good Seth: yeah Summer: I'm gonna go get the tiki torches out of the car (leaves) Seth: ok, I'm gonna stay here an...move things around until you get back, like this (kicks the roof with his foot) (we hear a bang and a light goes on. Seth squints and looks up) Jack: Seth Cohen (Seth looks at him) don't move Seth: (still squinting) Dean Jack: (moves closer) never took you for a thief, Cohen Seth: I didn't steal anything (points) I borrowed it for a very good reason (Jack looks at him) my father...loves musicals ok an you should (Jack smiles, amused) actually think about opening up your auditions to parents cause his rendition of Some Enchanted Evening (laughs) its a treat Jack: wow, thief an a liar Seth: yeah ok fine listen I borrowed a theatrical set, which I brought back unharmed an I plan to reassemble immediately ok (puts hands out) talk about a victimless crime Jack: (hands on hips) it's the principle of the thing Cohen, trespassing, removing school property without permission...I'm the Dean of discipline I'm here to set examples Seth: then I guess go ahead an expel me, at the rate your goin the schools gonna be empty by Thanksgiving	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x03 - The End of Innocence"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Newport Union High School - the first thing we see is the range rover driving up to the parking lot. the car stops and we see that Ryan is driving and Marissa is in the passenger seat. she is looking towards her new school. we see a sign that has NEWPORT UNION HIGH SCHOOL written in white, on a greeny/aqua background. underneath that in black letters on a white background is WELCOME BACK STUDENTS Seth: Newport Union, Orange County's answer to public education (we can now see that Seth and Summer are in the back seat together) Seth: y'know the parking lot (raises eyebrows) looks spacious Summer: yeah, an well lit, you know at night with all the lights (nods) Ryan: yeah (looks at Marissa) plus your up on a hill. It'll probably get a good breeze Seth: that's important (points) good breeze can make all the difference Summer: (looks at Seth) Cohen, shut up about the breeze (shrugs) ok your not helping Seth: (looks at Summer) oh really an d'you think the lights in the parking lot are making her feel better Marissa: ok look guys it's gonna be fine (looks at Summer/Seth) Summer: (worried, sad) are you sure this is what you want Coop Marissa: look I don't really have a choice Sum (shrugs) I mean even if I hadn't got kicked out of Harbor my mom can't afford private school anymore (Summer and Seth both look sad) Ryan: well, I told you you can always...home school with me (looks at Marissa) Marissa: I know, but I really think this is gonna be fine, I mean honestly its kinda nice to be somewhere where...everybody doesn't know every little detail about your life (looks at Ryan) an you don't have'ta be stared at all the time (raises eyebrows) Summer: I could see that (nods) (Marissa looks out of the window again, alot of the kids look over at the car/her) Marissa: (notices) ok, I'm gonna go (takes off seatbelt) Ryan: alright, ill pick you up this afternoon Marissa: (softly) ok (Marissa gets out of the car and smiles at Ryan, then starts walking away. Summer puts down her window so she and Seth can watch. Marissa looks back at Ryan and waves then continues walking away. we see a close up of Ryan's worried face. we then see Marissa walking near the lockers. as she's walking kids are noticing her and looking. on the stairs a group of 4 tough looking girls notice her. one of these girls we later find out is Heather) Heather: check out Newport Barbie (Marissa hears what was said and looks a little upset by it, she keeps walking. Heather watches Marissa as she walks away. we then see Summer and Seth still watching in the car) Seth: (dramatic) an that was the last they ever saw of her (Summer looks away from the window and we see another close up of Ryan's worried face) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Harbor School - student lounge. we see Seth carrying 2 coffees. he walks over to Summer who is sitting on a couch with a big binder on her lap. the coffee table in front of her is absolutely covered in papers Seth: here you are my little social chair maven Summer: thankyou (Seth goes to put the coffee down on the table, which remember is covered in papers) Summer: w- wait don't put that there that's (frowns) the order for the caterer Saturday night (Seth goes to put it down again) and (frowns) that's my calculations for the streamers (Seth looks frustrated) you could put it there though (points) on the contract for the DJ I'm sure Dr Bootyopolis wouldn't mind a little coffee (Seth puts the coffee down and then sits down next to Summer on the couch and sighs) Summer: you know I always thought that social chair was a ceremonial position like (Seth looks at her) Rose Bowl Queen or President (looks at Seth) how'did Marissa do it all (Jack is standing near them) Jack: Cohen (Seth and Summer look up) Jack: I took a little tour of the boys locker room last night (Summer looks at Seth) I'm suprised the entire track team doesn't have trench foot, so ill see you there, at three Seth: ok (screws up face) you sure this is detention, it's got more of a (thinks) work release feel Jack: like I said, you give up the person who helped you steal the tiki hut (Summer looks down) an this can go easier, on both of you Seth: I'm sorry, it's jus me (raises hand slightly) Jack: (nods) three o'clock, just start with the toilets (Seth looks away, unhappy) Summer: dude you've got ta let me tell him Seth: no way, look he's just upset still cause Ryan humiliated him at the carnival, its my call (looks at Summer) you plan the dance you leave the toilets to me (stands) (Summer frowns) I was hopin that'd sound a little more heroic Summer: no, I got it, its ok CUT TO: Cohen house - we see Ryan come in the front door. Sandy comes out of his office Sandy: hey there you are (Ryan looks) I just got off the phone with your new tutor, she's got a great resume...tutored Stallones kids Ryan: ahhh, look uhh I know this is kinda awkward timing but what'do you think about me going to Newport Union Sandy: (looks at Ryan) Newport Union...with Marissa Ryan: private tutors really expensive an it's not like I haven't been to public school in Chino (hopeful) Sandy: Ryan Ryan (looks down) Ryan: look she's goin through a tough time, Caleb left em with nothing (Sandy nods) her dad just took off Sandy: (shrugs) neither of which is your responsibility Ryan: ok fine, well why do I need a reason Sandy: (sternly) because you need'ta focus on getting your life back on track (Ryan looks at him with raised eyebrows) you need'ta start thinking about college an about SAT's, alright Ryan: ...alright (slightly nods) Sandy: that's it kid (smiles) (Ryan walks away. Sandy looks over and sees Kirsten doing a little gardening outside. she has a few small pot plants on a table, and she has one in her hand. Sandy just watches. (his expression is hard to describe but it's definitely bordering on happy) the next thing we see is Kirsten drop dirty gardening gloves on the floor and walk into their room from outside. Sandy comes in from the hallway) Sandy: hey Kirsten: (looks) hey (smiles) Sandy: a little morning gardening (impressed) Kirsten: oh I thought id put in an herb garden Sandy: wow Kirsten: Dr. Woodruff says we should confront our fears (raises eyebrows) an mine is my cooking Sandy: so's mine Kirsten: well we'll confront my cooking together (smiles) Sandy: an if that doesn't work ill buy dinner Kirsten: (takes off shirt) I'm gonna take a shower (Sandy watches Kirsten adoringly) Kirsten: (thinks) you know, you don't look so clean yourself Sandy: you think (Kirsten moves closer to Sandy and puts her arms on Sandy's shoulders) Kirsten: no Sandy: cause I just showered (Kirsten wipes her dirty hands over Sandy's forehead, and down his cheeks. Sandy smiles and Kirsten kisses him passionately. Kirsten has her hands wrapped tightly around Sandy's neck. Sandy has his on Kirsten's back) Sandy: did I tell you how glad I am your back Kirsten: yeah (smiles) an I like hearing it (Kirsten kisses Sandy again. aww) CUT TO: Cooper-Nichol mansion - we hear the doorbell. then we see Julie answer the door. a man in a suit is standing there Man: Julie Cooper-Nichol Julie: yes, may I help you Man: (hands Julie a document) you are here-by notified that this house an its contents are being seized for repayment of debt (Julie listens) you have forty eight hours to vacate the premises, I'm sorry (the man walks away. Julie stands there looking stunned and angry. she goes inside and shuts the door) CUT TO: Newport Union High School - we see a girl sticking up a poster on the side of the lockers. on it in big letters at the top is SATURDAY 7PM! underneath that is NEWPORT UNION HIGH SCHOOL. then a photo and then under that is BACK TO SCHOOL DANCE. and under that is RULES. the girl then goes and sticks another one up on a wall next to a classroom door just as the bell rings. kids come out of the door. we then see Marissa standing in the middle of the hall looking at a map. she looks around frowning then she looks back down at the map and turns around. she bumps into Heather from earlier Heather: (attitude) oh you did not jus walk inta me Marissa: sorry, I wasn't looking (tries to keep walking) Bitch: (walks in front) was I jus suposed'ta jus see you coming an step aside princess (a girl watches Marissa and Heather from her locker. we find out in a second that her name is Casey) Marissa: um no its just it's my first day an I don't know my way around yet Heather: fine ill let you go (folds arms) (Casey watches) just tell me you think you're better than me Marissa: (looks at Heather) what Heather: (matter of factly) tell me you think you're better than me, an ill let you go Marissa: (confused) I don't Heather: so now you're lying to me, so you think I'm stupid too is that it Casey: (walks over) hey Heather, are you welcoming a new student, I can take over if you want Heather: (looks at Casey) whatever (walks away) Marissa: (sighs) thanks, I really don't know why she's got it in for me Casey: my guess is the bag (Marissa looks at her bag) an the shoes...an the Chanel necklace (Marissa puts her hand on the necklace) probably isn't helping either, but it's just a guess (smiles, shrugs) anyways welcome to Newport Union (holds hand out) I'm Casey Marissa: (shakes Casey's hand) Marissa...Cooper, your the first nice person I've actually met Casey: (shrugs) an I'm not even that nice (the bell rings and Casey walks off. Marissa nods then starts walking in Casey's direction. she frowns turns around and shakes her head as she walks away. she stops again and looks back, lost) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer is in a classroom with a bunch of other students working on the school dance. the banner is being worked on, on the floor. Summer walks over it, then over to a blonde girl sitting at a desk holding a yellow triangle in her hand Summer: hey...Beth (Beth looks up) that's supposed'ta be an octagon, eight sides (shakes head) not three (Beth smiles and walks away. Summer sighs, frustrated. Taylor walks over to her. she's not her annoying cheery self) Summer: (notices Taylor, folds arms) you need something (frowns) Taylor: hi...um, I thought id see if you needed any help with the dance Summer: (nods) mm, no (smiles smugly, shrugs) Taylor: ok Summer look (Summer looks up) I know I can be a pain (raises eyebrows) Summer: a pain? Taylor you staged a power play at the kick-off carnival (frowns) you tattled to the Dean an got Ryan kicked out of school Taylor: I don't have any friends Summer: well gee, there's a shocker Taylor: I know an it's my fault I...I don't trust people an so I try to control them which then drives them away, ergo no friends (Summer listens) I'm working through it with my therapist Summer: well don't quit now (nods, raises eyebrows) Taylor: but I decided that this year was gonna be different, an I thought if I was social chair thennnn people would like me but...I screwed that up...as usual Summer: ok is this where I'm suppose'ta feel sorry for you (shakes head) Taylor: ok look (smiles) I'm sure people write prose poems in your yearbook about what an incredible friend you are (raises eyebrows) (Summer listens) you know what I get, have a nice summer, but...its my senior year, an I wanted more I...I want someone ta write...I'm glad I finally got to know you Summer: (softens) ...go show Beth what an octagon is (closes eyes) Taylor: (happy) god she is a pin head isn't she (laughs) (Summer looks at her) yeah see that's the kind of thing I've gotta keep in check (nods) (we see an aerial sht of the room. Taylor walks over the banner. we can see almost the whole banner. it is mainly yellow and red with a blue wave on it. the writing is white with Harbor School in smaller letters then underneath that in big letters is End of Summer Dance) CUT TO: Newport Union High School - Marissa is at the lockers trying to open one. she pulls on it but it doesn't open. she moves to the locker next to it and starts turning the combination dial. a guy walks over to her, who we find out in a second is Johnny Johnny: either you're the worst thief ever (Marissa looks at him) or it's your first day Marissa: (smiles) I cant remember which locker is mine Johnny: well it probably isn't that one because that ones mine Marissa: (nods, points) right, sorry Johnny: (opens his locker) that's alright, the vice principal has all the locker assignments, I can walk you over there if you want (looks at Marissa) I got alot of experience being sent to the vice principals office (smiles) Marissa: (laughs) thanks but my boyfriends gonna show up so Johnny: well you could throw your books in here if you want Marissa: (looks at the locker then Johnny, touched) thanks, hey I'm Marissa (smiles, holds out hand) Johnny: (shakes Marissa's hand) nice to me you I'm- Casey: (off screen, yells) Johnny! (Johnny looks over and we see Casey walking down a ramp towards Johnny and Marissa, a guy is with her on his skateboard, who we find out in a second is Dennis) Casey: (smiles) hey Dennis: hey Johnny, what's up (Dennis knocks into a guy who was walking on the ramp and he falls off his skateboard. they both tumble down to the end of the ramp. eek. Johnny and Marissa see it. Marissa screws up her face) Dennis: (rolls on the ground, screws up his face) its alright, I'm ok (Casey walks over to Johnny and kisses him then holds onto his arm) Johnny: (smiles) this is Casey my girlfriend (Marissa looks at Johnny then Casey) Casey: oh yeah actually we've met, so I see you survived your first day (Marissa tips her head side to side, as if to say I guess so. Dennis slowly gets up off the ground) Dennis: oww, I think I hurt something (picks up skateboard) Johnny: and that's Dennis (Marissa looks over at Dennis) Dennis: (waves) Childers, everyone calls me Chili Johnny: no one calls him Chili (shakes head) Dennis: not if you keep tellin people that, I'm tryin'a get a nickname, handle, a hook (makes claw with his hand) (Marissa smiles) Casey: hey, you wanna come with us, where gonna go get something to eat Johnny: (looks at Casey) oh Marissa's actually waiting for her boyfriend Dennis: boyfriend (Marissa looks at him) that's gonna be a problem for me because I love you (Casey and Marissa looks at Dennis. Johnny looks at Marissa) Dennis: I fall fast an hard Casey: on a skateboard Dennis: (laughs) oh zing Casey: (looks at Marissa) hey um what if we jus gave you a ride home Johnny: yeah I mean wouldn't you rather come to school tomorrow knowing a few people, even if one of em is um...Chili Dennis: (happy) hey (points) the nicknames stickin (Casey and Marissa smile at Dennis. Johnny looks at Marissa, hopeful) Casey: c'mon what'do you say Marissa: (bites lip) ummmm (thinks) yeah ok let me jus make a call (Marissa walks away from the group - outside in the parking lot we see Ryan pull up in the range rover. his cell phone rings) Ryan: (answers) hey (from the car we can see Marissa walking towards the fence on her cell phone. this means that Ryan can see her from where he is) Marissa: hey it's me, I was gonna see if you'd left already Ryan: uhhh- Marissa: because some people asked me to get food an I know I should try an make friends, but if you've already left then (Ryan watches Marissa on the phone) Marissa: Ryan Ryan: no no go ahead I was jus gettin in the car Marissa: you sure Ryan: yeah yeah uh jus call me later ok Marissa: ok, bye (hangs up) alright (Johnny Casey and Dennis look over. Johnny has his arm around Casey. aww. Ryan watches from the car as Marissa walks out of the school next to Dennis, laughing and smiling! Ryan goes to drive away) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom the next morning - Marissa goes to put her things in the same Chanel bag as yesterday but decides against it. she opens a drawer and pulls out a black bag that isn't so attention grabbing. we hear a knock at the door and Julie walks in Julie: good morning, d'you have a second Marissa: (looks over) yeah, sure what's up Julie: uhh...how would you like to uh...stay with Summer for a few days Marissa: sure, any reason Julie: oh, its such a mess (sits) you see I- I told Caleb's lawyer that we were thinking about moving he thought that meant we already had a place so he put this house on the market Marissa: (doesn't buy it) we're getting kicked out, aren't we Julie: no, of course not its jus Marissa: mom Caleb was broke, it makes sense we'd have'ta sell everything, you know you don't have'ta protect me Julie: well then d'you think it would be alright with Summer if you stayed until we got back on our feet (confident) an we will get back on our feet (nods) an we'll be wearing very expensive shoes when we do (smiles) Marissa: I trust you Julie: (suprised) you do Marissa: yeah I mean I know we've had our differences but if there's one thing ill always say (raises eyebrows) its your a survivor, so if you say we'll make it I believe you Julie: (touched) oh honey (stands, hugs Marissa) thankyou Marissa: sure...besides you must've saved alotta money over the years (looks at Julie) right Julie: ...of course (smiles) CUT TO: Cohen front door - we hear a doorbell and Kirsten opens the door Kirsten: hello (we see a guy standing with his back to Kirsten. holding a bouquet of flowers. he turns around and smiles at Kirsten) Guy: hi, uh Kirsten Cohen Kirsten: uh, yeah Guy: these are for you (holds out the flowers) Kirsten: thank you (the guy leaves and Kirsten shuts the door. in the flowers we can see a card sticking out. Kirsten reads it) CUT TO: Summers house - we see Summer pull up out the front in her car. Marissa is in the passenger seat Marissa: thanks for letting me stay with you (gets out of the car) on such late notice Summer: oh (gets out of the car) you know, I always wanted a sister (Marissa smiles) Cohen got Ryan as a brother so it makes sense that I get you Marissa: (remembers, picks up phone) oh god Ryan, I'm suppose'ta be having breakfast with him this morning, I totally forgot Summer: (looks at Marissa) oooooo (we now see Ryan sitting in a booth at the diner by himself :(. his phone rings) Ryan: (answers) hey Marissa: I am a terrible girlfriend Ryan: (smiles) no (Summer is in the background looking at Marissa's stuff in her car) Summer: heeeeeey, this is my top I knew you had it (Marissa rolls her eyes) Ryan: (hears) are you with Summer Marissa: yeah, my mom an I are getting kicked out of our house Ryan: (frowns) what Marissa: (shrugs) we found out this morning which is why I had'ta pack up an move inta Summers (frowns) an I just totally forgot about breakfast Ryan: its fine, I mean with everything your going through I don't want you worryin about me too, just um (shakes head) I don't know (raises eyebrows) ill pick you up this afternoon we'll do somethin then Marissa: ok, thanks (hangs up) (Ryan hangs up) Summer: (looks) what else of mine d'you have in here CUT TO: Cohen house - we hear the phone ring and see that Kirsten is already holding the phone Kirsten: (answers) hello (we then see Charlotte on her phone. we can't tell where exactly she is yet) Charlotte: Kirsten, its Charlotte Kirsten: oh hey Charlotte, how are you Charlotte: well I am sitting here staring at the lake an wishing my friend was here to share it Kirsten: aww, well the flowers were beautiful, thankyou Charlotte: oh I'm glad you liked them, listen I'm gonna be in the area tomorrow (stands) I was hopin we could maybe meet, lunch or coffee Kirsten: oh lunch sounds great Charlotte: great how bout uh the Newport Bay Yacht Club Kirsten: sounds great, ill see you tomorrow, let's say one o'clock Charlotte: perfect (smiles) bye (hangs up) (we can now see that Charlotte is in like a motel room. a guy comes out of what looks like the bathroom and goes over to Charlotte. its the same guy who delivered Kirsten's flowers) Guy: finally, she better come through with that money now Charlotte: (looks at Guy) trust me she will (smiles) (cutesy face) and she loved her flowers Guy: (laughs) right CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer is walking in the hall carrying a huge binder. Taylor is there talking with another girl, she sees Summer and goes over to her Taylor: Summer Summer: (frowns) wait just a second, I was up all night going over the budget for the dance an I don't know how the school expects us ta- Taylor: (softly) c'mere (pulls Summer to the side) Summer: what're you doing Taylor: ok um (Taylor looks around cautiously, then back at Summer) Taylor: if I tell you this, you did not hear it from me ok (Summer shakes her head) I mean this has'ta be secret, I mean I'm talking deep-throat before he went public to cash in on the fat book deal Summer: (confused) wait, what're you talking about Taylor: (looks around again then whispers) I was walking by the teachers lounge, an I heard Dean Hess telling Dr. Kim that he knew Seth hadn't stolen the tiki hut alone, which by the way I totally forgive him for Summer: (frustrated) Taylor (closes eyes) Taylor: ok, but if Seth didn't tell him by the end of the day who the other person was...he was gonna suspend him Summer: (shocked) oh my god, are you serious (Seth walks over to them) Seth: whats the matter (Taylor and Summer look at Seth with open mouths) Summer: oh, hey, Taylor was jus telling me that um (Taylor looks at Summer) Dr. Bootyopolis (raises eyebrows) was found on a paedophile website (Seth screws up his face) we have got to replace him, Taylor you know (nods) good job Taylor: yeah no problem, um ill see you later (waves) Summer: ok Taylor: ok (walks away) Seth: I still can't believe your letting her help with the dance (points) Summer: you know she's not so bad Seth: (softly) a paedophile website, what was she doin on it (Summer and Seth walk away) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - we see the over door open and then close again. Sandy comes in and Kirsten takes off the oven glove and goes over to the fridge Kirsten: ah, just give me a few minutes, the quiche is almost ready Sandy: (impressed) the quiche (raises eyebrows) for lunch, wow, I could get use'ta this (smiles) Kirsten: is everything ok Sandy: yeah...yeah, listen I put this off as long as possible but we really have'ta make a decision about the Newport Group Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) ok...what's the situation Sandy: well I've done my best ta stay on top'a things but Caleb's financial troubles have left a huge hole in the company (Kirsten listens) pretty soon all that will be left is the name Kirsten: how long before we default on our loans Sandy: six weeks (tips head side to side) its not too late to rescue it, if that's what you want we could sell off some assets...restructure the debt Kirsten: (nods) option two Sandy: sell everything an walk away, I'm behind you either way, an jus so you know this family is fine financially so don't make this decision thinking that we need your income (shakes head) we don't Kirsten: (thinks) its time ta let it go... Sandy: ill handle everything (Sandy leaves the kitchen. Kirsten looks as though she's thinking) CUT TO: Harbor school - there is a knock on Jacks door. Jack is sitting at his desk working Jack: come in (Summer opens the door and pokes her head in) Summer: Dean Hess (Jack looks up at Summer. Summer goes in and shuts the door) Summer: hi (Jack looks at her) look IIII (closes eyes) I helped Seth steal that tiki hut (shakes head) or borrow it, whatever Jack: I had a feeling you might've helped out Summer: helped out, please I did all'a the work old noodle arms (raises eyebrows) he couldn't even lift a palm tree leaf without (stops herself) anyway, that's the truth Jack: you know, Summer...with this on your record (shrugs) I cant very well allow you to remain as social chair Summer: wait look, please I really have grown to love that job (Jack sits back) (realises) wait a second who would...replace me um...Taylor (looks at Jack) Jack: hmm well Taylor's pretty qualified for the position, ill let her know you suggested her Summer: (looks away, clenches teeth) I'm such an idiot (looks at Jack) you were never gonna suspend Seth, were you Jack: you're late for class Summer (Summer stands there, dazed - am I the only one who believed Taylor had actually changed? lol yes I'm gullible sigh) CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy is in an office doing work. Julie comes to the doorway and knocks Julie: Sandy Sandy: Julie, have a seat (motions) what can I do for ya Julie: uh it's such a small thing, really jus uh...what exactly are the rules about loans to company officers (Sandy leans back) well in this case former officers Sandy: so you want a loan from the Newport Group Julie: I could pay it back within a year tops, two outside Sandy: well (puts out hands) first off (stands) you can't take personal loans from a company, people go to jail for that, an secondly, in a few weeks there isn't gonna be a Newport Group anymore Julie: (shocked) what Sandy: yeah Kirsten's not coming back'ta work, so we're gonna liquidate the company Julie: wow its-its uh (picks up a picture) it's all really ending hm Sandy: hey forgive me for asking but uh...where do ya stand financially cause Kirsten an I could lend you- Julie: (turns around) no no um the loan was just for convenience really I I'm looking to put a down payment on a house I found this really great place on the beach, ill jus sell some stock you know I have too much anyway (smiles) (Sandy looks at her, unconvinced) uh you get back to your liquidating (Sandy raises his eyebrows) please tell Kirsten ill stop by soon I promise Sandy: sure (Julie leaves the office and stops just around the corner, she looks stunned) CUT TO: Harbor school - we see Taylor at her locker. she shuts it and turns around to walk off. an angry Summer is standing in front of her with her arms folded Taylor: Summer Summer: no (puts hand up) jus so you know (points) you an your friend the Dean may of won this round but the wr is not over (glares at Taylor) Taylor: (scoffs) well unless you have an exit strategy, don't even get out of the boat, I am a human quagmire (Taylor walks off) Summer: (stops a guy) what's a quagmire (guy walks away) (talking to everyone in the hall) hello...anyone...quagmire... CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa shuts her locker and notices the dance poster. she goes over and looks at it. Johnny comes over Johnny: you thinkin of going Marissa: (looks) uh well I don't know, does it have a theme Johnny: (looks at Marissa) theme Marissa: yeah like uh Winter Wonderland or Under The Sea Johnny: I think the theme is, school gym bag'a pretzels an Chili spikes the punch (smiles) pretty much the same theme every year Marissa: (smiles) right, I don't think ill be going then (Johnny looks at her) (adds quickly) not because (points) it doesn't have a theme just Johnny: no look I-I know I made it sound like not much fun (thinks) cause it isn't, but you should go really, Dennis an Casey an I are going, we'll all not have fun together (Marissa smiles) (Heather comes over) Heather: excuse me (Marissa and Johnny look at her) hey uh, I jus wanted to apologise about yesterday I-I was actin like a jerk Marissa: don't worry about it Heather: so then your not gonna (louder) sh*t me uh-hm (Marissa looks at her) (Heather looks around at all the kids who are now looking at Marissa. she's pleased with herself) Heather: I mean isn't that why you got kicked outta that private school (Johnny looks at her) cause you sht someone (Marissa looks at Heather and then walks off. Heather looks at Johnny. Johnny goes after Marissa. Heather watches - the next thing we see is Marissa crying against the fence) Johnny: Marissa (Marissa wipes her eyes) don't listen'ta her Marissa: why, she's right, that's why I'm here an now everyone's gonna know Johnny: yeah well...everyone already kinda knew Marissa: (shakes head) I jus thought if I came here (sniffs) then maybe id get a second chance (Johnny goes and leans against the fence next to Marissa) Johnny: look, I saw the news...I know you-you did what you had'ta do, it said you saved someone's life that night (Marissa closes her eyes) not alotta people would do that (looks at Marissa) hm (we now see Ryan pull up in the parking lot. he looks over and sees Marissa leaning against the lockers near the fence. Johnny is in front of her with his hand on the top of the fence. Ryan quickly gets out of the car - Marissa sniffs and wipes her eyes) Johnny: c'mon lets go find Casey Ryan: (calls) what's goin on (Johnny and Marissa look) Marissa: Ryan Ryan: (runs over) hey, what's wrong (to Johnny) what'did you do to her Marissa: nothing, I'm fine (to Johnny) this is my Johnny: boyfriend I'm guessing (holds hand out) hey (Ryan doesn't shake Johnny's hand, he looks at Marissa. Johnny looks at Marissa as well. Marissa looks at Johnny, clearly embarrassed and uncomfortable. Ryan finally shakes Johnny's hand) Johnny: ill see you guys later Marissa: Johnny Johnny: its cool (smiles, nods) Marissa: (looks at Ryan) he was jus trying to be nice (Marissa walks off, upset. Ryan stands there, alone again :( ) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is sitting in the doorway near the pool, studying. Seth comes into the pool house Seth: hey Ryan: (mumbles) hey Seth: dad or alives playin at the lido, you me yakuza blood bath, we're there (makes a sword motion with his arms) Ryan: uh yeah I can't uh Miss Reed really uh loaded me up with alotta work so (looks at Seth) Seth: I'm not buyin it looks like we got an emotional thing goin on (shakes head) alright, c'mon buddy get ready (claps, sits) a little old fashioned Seth Ryan time Ryan: alright fine (turns to face Seth) uh so yesterday I went to pick up Marissa at school Seth: oh Marissa (rubs hands) didn't see that one comin (Ryan looks at him out the corner of his eyes) (grins) continue Ryan: thanks, and I thought I saw this guy...I-I misjudged the situation (looks at Seth) and uh...I over reacted and IIII might've (shrugs) maybe embarrassed her (Seth scratches his nose and frowns) I embarrassed her (looks down) Seth: now you're tearin yourself apart, wondering if you've not only damaged her standing at a new school but perhaps also your relationship Ryan: more or less Seth: well that is a pickle (stands) Ryan: that's it, no advice Seth: what advice, call her an apologise (shakes head) its not rocket science, man you home-school kids are pathetic CUT TO: Summers backyard - Summer is sitting on the edge of the pool with her feet in the water, she's also wearing sunglasses. Marissa is sitting nearby also wearing sunglasses Summer: why aren't you going to the dance Marissa: gee, I don't know, maybe because in one day I went from being the girl no one knows (looks at Summer) to the girl who sht someone Summer: I thought you said the surfer guy was cool about it Marissa: yeah, he was but Summer: but nothing, why don't you call him an jus tell him that your gonna go Marissa: well what about Ryan (Summer looks at her) I mean he looked like he wanted to kll Johnny (sadly) an it's not like id go without him Summer: well you have to (Marissa looks at her) harsh, I know but you know what, your at a new school an there is a dance its like social survival 101 (Marissa's cell phone rings. she takes off her sunglasses and looks at who is calling) Marissa: it's Ryan Summer: ok time to go mystic?, ugh I need to even out (walks away) Marissa: (answers) hey Ryan: hey, how you doin Marissa: good Ryan: good listen um...about yesterday Marissa: it was my fault, you know I was just upset, your reaction was normal Ryan:(thrown) ...ok uh...so you wanna go to the movies later tonight I could um bat up the usher, get us some free milk duds Marissa: (smiles) actually I was thinking of doing my homework, its just it's the first week an I wanna make a good impression Ryan: (thrown) sure... Marissa: but ill probably need a break, so uh we'll talk later ok Ryan: yeah, yeah sounds good (hangs up) CUT TO: Newport Bay Yacht Club - we see Charlotte walk in the door. the way she is dressed and has her hair looks alot like Kirsten's style. very creepy. she walks over to the table Kirsten is sitting at Charlotte: hey you Kirsten: oooh hey (hugs Charlotte) its great to see you Charlotte: oh you too (smiles, looks at Kirsten) you look amazing Kirsten: oh thankyou, so do you (sits) Charlotte: well (sits) it was all that time at my dads Kirsten: yeah, it was such a wonderful place Charlotte: how lucky were we, I mean to be able to go someplace (closes eyes) so peaceful Kirsten: you're right, it's a shame everyone can't stay there Charlotte: (smiles) ...well what if there...was a place (nods) like the lake house where women could go between rehab an the real world Kirsten: that would beee amazing (raises eyebrows) Charlotte: yeah that's what some investor friends of mine thought too (smiles) see I pitched the idea to a few people, I even started looking at properties, I'm thinkin Sedona (excited) an then I realised Kirsten has'ta be apart of this (smiles) Kirsten: you mean invest (raises eyebrows) Charlotte: oh it would just be a couple million to start, ill be assuming (touches chest) most of the risk an you'd get it all back within the first few years Kirsten: ...well I'm flattered but I don't have that kinda money Charlotte: (laughs) please, don't be so modest Kirsten: I wish I was (raises eyebrows) when my father died he left nothing (nods, smiles) (Charlotte looks at Kirsten shocked. Kirsten laughs) Charlotte: really I (shakes head) I just assumed (shrugs, frowns) I mean after you-you went ta the reading of the will everything was great Kirsten: everything is, things with Sandy an my kids have never been better Charlotte: (smiles, dazed) well that is so wonderful that you've got your priorities in place (Kirsten smiles. Charlotte is clearly panicking despite the happy front she is putting on) Charlotte: w- so what about the Newport Group as a silent partner Kirsten: I'm selling it (raises eyebrows) you know it's riddled with debt an unpaid loans an I just figured Charlotte: (pointed) better to rid yourself of every last vestige of your dad Kirsten: well I- I don't know if id put it that way (frowns) Charlotte: its classic Kirsten, you're hoping that by closing up shop all your issues with your dad'll just disappear Kirsten: it's not like that (shakes head) Charlotte: I've ben there (leans forward) I think its-its so great that your tryin'a put the past behind you its jus (Kirsten looks at her) not that easy (Kirsten looks away) I'm sorry I jus, I don't want you to be disappointed when the issues remain even after the company's sold (Kirsten looks at her) anyway, invest or not you are welcome anytime, Sedona's beautiful (smiles) (Kirsten smiles) so what's good here (Kirsten looks as though she's thinking about what Charlotte said) CUT TO: Cooper-Nichol mansion - we hear the doorbell and Julie opens the front door Julie: oh no not you again (tries to shut the door) (a uniformed officer pushes in along with movers. the suited man from before talks to Julie) Julie: hey! (glares) Man: Mrs. Nichol please don't make this more difficult than it has'ta be Julie: more difficult, who are they w-w- what're they doing Man: if you haven't already done so, I suggest you take this time to pack your personal belongings (points) the deputy is here to see you don't interfere with the movers Julie: (stunned) oh my god (sits) CUT TO: Summers backyard - Marissa is sitting on the pool lounge reading. we hear the doorbell Marissa: (calls) Sum, your door (Marissa goes back to reading and we hear the doorbell again, this time more urgent) Marissa: (frowns) Summer! (after a few seconds Marissa goes inside and heads to the front door. Marissa opens the door and we see Casey and Johnny hugging. Dennis is sitting on a railing a little behind them) Johnny: suprise Marissa: (suprised) hey, what're you guys doing here Casey: we came to take you to the school dance Marissa: oh thanks, but I'm not going Dennis: (yells) you could be my date (waves) Marissa (Marissa looks at him) Casey: way to bait the hook Dennis Johnny: it's a school dance you gotta go, if you don't show up people might start to talk, you'd hate for that to happen right (Marissa looks like she's caving!) Casey: besides since we're not leaving without you (looks at Johnny) you'd be ruining our night too (puts her head on Johnny's shoulder) (Marissa looks as though she's trying to decide. Dennis watches her) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy and Kirsten are in there together, and there are some grocery bags on the bench. Seth and Ryan come in from outside Ryan: yo Seth: hey, you stocking the larder Sandy: your moms making me lamb ragoo, its French, now where you headed (Ryan touches his arm on the way out) (looks at Seth) where are you headed Seth: uh dance, there's a beach theme Ryan: yeah I'm gonna drop in on Marissa, see if she needs a study break maybe grab a bite (waves) Sandy: well your welcome ta join us Kirsten: you two have fun (smiles) Seth: (waves) enjoy (Sandy looks at Seth as he leaves the kitchen. he is wearing a very nice shirt jacket and tie up top, on the bottom half he has shorts and casual shoes on. he does a cool little walk and he looks adorable) Sandy: honey I got everything on the list including a little chunky monkey but that's mostly for me, alright, its all for me (puts it in the cupboard) Kirsten: (distracted) ...thanks sweetie Sandy: is everything ok...listen if your not up to cooking we can order in (Kirsten looks at him) its alot safer Kirsten: (smiles) no no it's just (thinks) I'm doing the right thing closing down the Newport Group, I'm not hiding right Sandy: hiding (raises eyebrows) no, you're putting the past behind ya (Kirsten looks away) what is it Kirsten: (softly) nothing (looks at Sandy) we forgot the oregano, ill be right back (Kirsten grabs the car keys and starts heading out of the kitchen) Sandy: (worried) you never mentioned oregano Kirsten: I forgot, ill be back soon (leaves) (Sandy looks worried) CUT TO: Summers house - Marissa comes down the stairs out the front. she's now dressed for the dance Dennis: woooo Johnny: alright here we go Dennis: whoa Casey: check you out girl, you look great (Marissa heads over to their car and a light shines on her. we see the range rover pull up with Seth and of course Ryan in it. they both look over at Marissa. Marissa looks at them, suprised) Seth: (frowns) I thought Marissa was studying Ryan: so did I Seth: see, that's the problem with the suprise pop in (Ryan and Seth get out the car. Marissa walks over to Ryan) Marissa: Ryan, hey (softly in the background) Casey: he looks kinda mad Johnny: yeah I think that's his look Seth: I'm gonna go get Summer before uh, things get awkward Ryan: I thought you were studying tonight Marissa: I was Dennis: (stands in the car) underlay reeba reeba Ryan: he your lab partner (half smiles) Marissa: uh there's this dance tonight at Newport Union...I was gonna tell you I jus didn't- Ryan: is this (looks down) about yesterday (frowns) Marissa: no I swear (Ryan looks down) hey look I wish I didn't have'ta go to this its just...being there every day alone, I mean I really need these friends Ryan (Ryan looks over at Casey, Johnny and Dennis waiting in the car for Marissa, then at Marissa. Marissa looks at him) Ryan: you're right you should go (nods) (Marissa gives Ryan a kiss on the cheek then runs over to the car) Casey: wooo, she's comin (Johnny starts the car. Ryan looks down, then away sadly. he looks up again just as the car drives passed. Ryan waves to them and forces a smile, it goes as soon as the car goes passed. Summer and Seth come down the stairs) Seth: you ok Ryan: fine, have fun (smiles) (Seth looks at him worried) Summer: hey man, I'm sorry about all of the confusion (Ryan waves it off) Seth: (to Summer) a little heads up would've been great woman (to Ryan) don't you worry I'm gonna take care of her Ryan: sure, see ya (Summer and Seth get in Summers car and drive off. Seth watches Ryan as they pull away. Ryan stands in the driveway alone, once again :(. he opens the range rover door - I just have to say that the car Marissa got into with her new friends is a less fancy version of the jeep thing that Ryan and Seth got into to go to the party after the fashion show in season 1. Marissa is basically going through everything Ryan did) CUT TO: Newport Unions dance - we see a DJ playing some music, a few balloons, a table set up for food and drinks and some streamers hanging down from the roof. at the gym doors we see Casey, Johnny, Dennis and Marissa come in. Marissa stands next to Casey and looks around Dennis: (holding flask) time to add a little flavour to the punch (raises eyebrows) get this party started (Casey and Marissa smile as Dennis goes over to the punch) Johnny: ah, now it's officially a school dance (nods) (we see Dennis casually walk over to the punch and pour the flasks contents in. Marissa looks around at the other kids, she sees Heather and her friends sitting over on the other side of the gym. Heather gets the attention of two of the girls. Marissa looks at them. Heather taps another girl who is sitting in front of her, and points towards Marissa. Marissa is still watching. Heather makes a fake gn with her hand and points it at Marissa, she bends her thumb for the trigger, pulls back her hand like she's putting down the "gn" and smiles at Marissa) Marissa: (uncomfortable) um hey you know what just excuse me (walks away) (Dennis, Casey and Johnny look around confused. they look at each other then over at Heather who waves and smiles at them. Johnny realises and goes after Marissa. we then see Marissa sit down on a bench by herself. Johnny Dennis and Casey come in behind her Casey: Marissa wait Marissa: (looks up) what am I suppose'ta do, there all staring at me Dennis: hey that is exactly when you get in there, you throw down a little cardboard an you (dances) make it happen you know (Marissa looks at him) cut a little rug that's what id do Marissa: yeah but I'm not you Casey: yeah you got that to be thankful for Dennis: (frowns) a li- a little hurtful but a good point Johnny: look (sits) public school kids, all kids really, there like dogs (Marissa frowns) they smell fear Dennis: and (points) they like frisbees (Casey frowns) Johnny: (laughs) you jus gotta go back in there an act like there not lookin at'cha Casey: come on, what'do you say (smiles) Johnny: c'mon (Marissa stands up and walks towards them) Casey: c'mon Dennis: if it'll make you feel better ill show you a couple of moves CUT TO: Harbor school dance - Seth and Summer are about to walk in to the dance Seth: (frowns) I'm jus worried about Ryan I feel like he's, feelin left out (Seth opens the door to the dance. and we see what he sees, it is incredible. there is sand for the floor, a lifeguard tower. surfboards. a huge screen up on the stage that has surfing on it. and lights strung between poles. Summer and Seth walk in) Summer: well (unsure) do you like it, I know it's not like Marissa's dances but Seth: Summer, its incredible Summer: yeah (looks at Seth) Seth: its like you've brought the ocean to us (looks at Summer) my little human tsunami Summer: (frowns) thanks (Taylor is up on the stage with a microphone) Taylor: hi everybody, everyone hi (waves) I'm Taylor Townsend your social chair, an I would like to thankyou all for coming (everyone claps) (Summer looks at Seth, not happy) Seth: relax she's not taking credit for it Taylor: thankyou (laughs) so this dance has been my baby now for quite a while (Summer looks at Seth) Seth: ok she's taking credit for it Summer: I am going to kll her Taylor: but there is one person without whos' help none of this (shakes head) could ever of happened Seth: see she's gonna- Taylor: (points) Dean Hess Seth: oh (everybody claps and cheers as Jack goes up onto the stage. Summer looks even more pissed off) Jack: thankyou Summer: I am going to kll the both of them (goes to walk over to the stage) Seth: (pulls Summer back to him) wait (Summer tries to wriggle away from Seth but she can't) Taylor: so everyone have fun because this really is the end of summer (Taylor looks at Summer smugly. Summer glares back at her with an open mouth) Seth: well you kinda set yourself up for that one (Summer glares at Taylor. Taylor looks back at her, pleased with herself. Taylor shakes Jacks hand. then we see some sh*ts of dancing) CUT TO: Pacific Sands motel - the guy from earlier is in the room with Charlotte Guy: I knew it ok, from the beginning i knew this plan was crap, spending thirty grand to go ta rehab just to find a mark Charlotte: (comes out of the bathroom) it made sense, every woman there was vulnerable an rich Guy: yeah except the one you picked out, I mean what the hell we suppose'ta do now Charlotte: listen this woman is the princess of Orange County, ok, I...I will find (touches his shoulders) a way to use her (kisses him) ok, I am not gonna let Kirsten Cohen get away (Charlotte kisses him and then pushes him down on the bed. she climbs on top of him and kisses him again. she sits up and takes her robe off. at this moment you could easily mistaken her for Kirsten. especially the way she has her hair) CUT TO: Newport Group - we see a close up a photo frame. it is meant to be a photo of Caleb with a young Kirsten. we then see through the window that Kirsten is sitting on the couch looking at the photo frame. Sandy slowly goes over to her Sandy: I didn't know (Kirsten looks up) you kept oregano stashed in here (smiles) Kirsten: hey Sandy: hey Kirsten: recognise this (holds up the photo Julie looked at earlier) Sandy: sure, it's the grath? building on ocean Kirsten: built in nineteen twenty two...it was gonna be torn down...an I convinced my father ta restore it (looks at Sandy) it was my first project (smiles reminiscently) ...all those years...he was right on the other side'a that wall an no matter how hard I worked...I was never gonna reach him Sandy: honey (Kirsten looks at him) we can keep the company Kirsten: (shakes head, teary) no...I jus needed to say goodbye (Sandy looks at Kirsten lovingly. Kirsten looks at Sandy then leans over the back of the couch closer to Sandy) Kirsten: (smiles) I guess it's too late for dinner Sandy: how d'you feel about a picnic (holds up the basket) Kirsten: aaaah CUT TO: The Diner - we see a table being cleaned, then in the background Ryan comes into focus. he is sitting at a booth by himself with his head resting on his hand. he looks bored. the diner is dark except for his booth. we hear his cell phone ring Ryan: (answers) hey man (we then see Seth on his cell phone at the dance. he has his finger in his ear) Seth: hey man I jus wanted to see how you're doing Ryan: I'm great, how's the dance Seth: aaah good, I sent Summer for a cool down lap around the building, listen...I jus wanted to make sure your not taking this Marissa thing too seriously Ryan: (smiles) Seth its fine I get it Seth: (frowns) yeah, ok, I jus wanted to make sure you don't think she's pullin away or you know your gonna look back on tonight an say (Ryan frowns, listening) it's when I started losing her, I-I should'a done something Ryan: (softly) ah-huh Seth: because I'm just I'm here to tell ya that that's not gonna happen I'm talking like zero chance Ryan: right (blinks) Seth: ok, well I jus, I wanted to make sure you knew that Ryan: (dazed) ...yeah look I gotta go Seth: yeah ok ill talk to you later (Ryan hangs up) Seth: (hangs up) hmm (Ryan grabs his jacket and goes over to the waitress) Ryan: can I get the cheque (we then see Ryan driving in the range rover. we then see him running up to the Newport Union gym doors. he stops just inside the doorway and looks around. he sees Marissa laughing and having a good time with Dennis, Johnny and Casey, he watches them for a second. Johnny looks at Casey and smiles. Marissa smiles at both of them. we see a close up of Ryan's face, he realises Marissa doesn't need him. Seth goes over to him, carrying his skateboard, lol) Seth: (calls) Ryan, hey Ryan: (turns around) Seth, what're you doin here Seth: I'm here to stop ya man, an if that means throwing myself between you an the gym...I'm only gonna ask that you spare my face (frowns) Ryan: it's ok Seth: (looks at Ryan) no rush in (we see more of Marissa having a good time) Ryan: (looks at Marissa then Seth) it'd jus ruin it (shrugs) Seth: (sighs, relieved) your doin the right thing man your not gonna lose her (shakes head) (Ryan looks at him) can you give me a ride (touches Ryan's arm) my left legs really tired (Ryan nods) (we see Marissa laugh then look over towards the doorway. she sees a glimpse of Ryan's jacket disappearing. she frowns, not quite sure what she saw) CUT TO: Harbor school dance - Summer is walking with her cell phone to her ear amongst the crowd, she hears the below message Seth: this is Seth its two thousand five you know how these things work Summer: Cohizzle, where are you (frowns) you said you'd only be gone like ten minutes (Summer stops and sees Taylor acting suspiciously. Taylor goes behind something which shows us her shadow then it/she disappears. Summer hangs up her phone and follows the direction that Taylor went. we see Summers shadow and then it disappears - we then see Summer peeking around a corner out in the dark halls. she walks down the hall to a corner and from here she can see Taylor kissing someone behind double doors. she can't see the other person. just Taylor who is very into it. Summer hides around the corner then after a few seconds looks again. Taylor stops kissing the other person, smiles and walks away. Summer watches and then becomes wide eyed. we then see what she is seeing which is Taylor looking sexily at the other person, who is none other than Jack Hess aka the Dean. when Taylor walks away Jack opens one of the double doors and comes out. Summer quickly moves back behind the corner) Summer: (stunned) oh my god (we then see Jack open a door and go through it. the camera goes back to where Summer was standing, but she's no longer there) CUT TO: a motel room - Julie turns on the light and shuts the door. out of her window we can see the light from a green neon light, probably a sign. Julie slowly goes over and sits down on one of the two single beds. she looks around sadly then picks up the TV remote and turns it on. she goes over to her bag and puts it down at the end of the other bed. she sits down on the bed and unzips it. she pulls out a top and starts crying. she lies down on the bed and curls up, crying	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x04 - The Last Waltz"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Cohen kitchen, morning - the first thing we see is a huge amount of food on the bench. there is a bowl full of eggs, some peeled some not. what appears to be muffins on a plate. some type of meat on another plate, and I think raspberries. the camera pans across and we see 2 plates with 2 muffin things on each, and on top of them is the meat and poached eggs. there is also some red jelly looking thing next to it. we can also see Kirsten's hand holding a spatula which she uses to put a red jelly thing on the plate that doesn't have one. she looks over towards the door just as Ryan comes in. he looks around and then sort of stares when he sees what Kirsten is doing. Seth comes in and does the same. Ryan opens the cupboard and sees that there is not much food in there Ryan: where's all the cereal Kirsten: oh I guess we're out (Seth opens the fridge, looks and then shuts it) Seth: (shakes head) there's no bagels either Kirsten: I thought we'd try something new (smiles) Seth: mom listen to me (looks at Kirsten, seriously) I understand that this whole cooking with Kirsten thing is helping you keep focused, but you cannot preempt a mans regularly scheduled breakfast (Ryan points at Seth in agreement, while eating) (Kirsten looks at him) it is a sacred routine Kirsten: (sternly) sit (Seth shuts up and heads over to the end of the bench. he and Ryan sit down) Kirsten: you are having eggs benedict gruyere avec pate de foie (Kirsten puts the plates down in front of Seth and Ryan. the eggs now have a yellowy looking sauce over them, and there is half a kiwi fruit on the plates. Seth looks down at his frowning. Ryan looks down at his plate then looks up out of the corner of his eye. we see Sandy come into the kitchen now) Sandy: somethin smells...(looks) fancy Kirsten: have a seat, there's plenty Sandy: oh no thanks ill just grab a bagel an a shmear ta go Seth: (still frowning) goodluck with that (Kirsten puts a finishing touch on the boys plates and then looks at them proudly. we hear the phone ring in the background. Ryan leans down and smells the food on his plate. Seth is still frowning at his, lol) Sandy: (answers phone) hello...oh Dr. Kim thanks so much for gettin back ta me (Kirsten looks over) (looks at Seth and Ryan who are staring back at him) ah-huh (Sandy motions to Kirsten that he's going to take it in the other room, Kirsten nods and he leaves the kitchen) Seth: Dr. Kim as in Principal Dr Kim Kirsten: (nonchalantly) oh, she's probably confirming our reservation for the college fair tonight (smiles) (Ryan looks as though he doesn't buy it, Seth taps his breakfast with a Knfe, still not willing to eat it. Ryan notices and laughs. Kirsten also notices) Kirsten: you know your gonna be exposed to alotta new things in college next year Seth: yeah horny co-eds an alcohol poisoning, I jus don't think (frowns, looks down) there gonna have French Fusion on the menu (Kirsten looks away un-amused, Sandy comes back in. he's now off the phone. Kirsten and Seth look at him) Ryan: they don't want me there tonight do they Sandy: no, Harbors only hosting and it's a public even, Dr Kim says there is no reason why you cant attend (Ryan looks as though he's thinking) so what'do you say you boys meet us back here an we'll head over together Seth: sounds good to me (stands up) (Kirsten smiles and Ryan and Seth start to leave the kitchen) Seth: hey man give me a ride ta school Ryan: yeah, we'll ht the drive-thru on the way there (Kirsten looks to make sure Seth and Ryan have left then looks at Sandy, worried) Kirsten: what's going on Sandy: Harbors dean of discipline is making it his personal crusade to ruin Ryan's future (Kirsten looks down) he's attached a note to his transcript detailing his pathologically violent behaviour Kirsten: Ryan certainly needs ta work on his self control but he's not pathological, and considering everything he's ben through Sandy: no ones gonna get a chance to consider it (Kirsten looks at him, upset) a letter like that is a red flag ta colleges, an unless it's rescinded (shakes head) no way a reputable school is gonna wanna touch a kid like Ryan (Kirsten and Sandy both look worried/upset) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Summers bedroom - we can see a close up of Summer and Marissa's heads. Marissa is putting on eyeliner and Summer is right next to her with mascara Summer: (frowns) what colour do I want...wai, come on (nudges Marissa) (the camera angle changes so that we can now see they are both trying to use Summers mirror, only Summer is only just in the reflection) Summer: jus go that (nudges Marissa) (sighs) ok (Marissa smiles) your like...twice my height, we can probably figure this out, why don't you (motions) (Summer bobs down a touch and Marissa stretches up so Summers reflection is under Marissa's) Summer: is..that..alright Marissa: mm-hmm Summer: (fixes hair) solved Marissa: I'm sorry, you must be so sick'a me being in your way all the time Summer: oh are you kidding, I date Cohen ok my patience is infinite, besides havin you all up in my space makes me miss you less at school Marissa: well I miss you guys too (thinks, sits on the bed) you know, we should all do something tonight Summer: (turns around) you know I told Cohen id go with him ta that um...what is it called that college circus thing, why don't you come with us Marissa: ta Harbor (raises eyebrows) I think ill pass (nods) Summer: what it's not like your pictures on the most wanted list Marissa: have you checked the deans office Summer: very funny Marissa: ...look I'm not really thinking big picture right now anyway...I mean college isn't even on my radar Summer: um (frowns) your a senior in high school how could college not be on your radar Marissa: (thinks) mm lets see maybe because I'm homeless (raises eyebrows) going ta public school an (raises eyebrows) totally broke (Summer looks at Marissa. we hear a phone ring in the background) Marissa: (picks up phone) an yet things could be worse (looks at who's calling, answers almost cheerily) hi mom (we now see a close up of Julie outside, on her cell phone. she's wearing a wide brim sun hat, sunglasses and she looks great. what we can see of the background also looks nice) Julie: hi sweetie, jus checking on you how's everything going at Summers Marissa: (looks at Summer) fine, but I'm kind of worried I might be starting ta wear out my welcome a little (Summer motions to Marissa that she's wrong) Julie: well then I have some good news, Kirsten's turned me onto a very promising lead on some beach side property (Marissa listens) so if you could just hang on a little bit longer Marissa: (nods) sure, I guess Julie ...great Marissa: ...is everything ok, mom Julie: oh I'm fine honey...ok I mean I've ben better but I have a plan and you have nothing to worry about, we'll have lunch at the club this week ok, ill call you Marissa: ok, bye (Marissa hangs up and she looks sad/worried. Summer goes over to her) Summer: (sits on the bed) hey, don't stress out ok you can stay here as long as you want Marissa: thanks (half smiles) (Julie hangs up the phone and the sht widens to reveal where exactly Julie is. we see a police officer leading a young guy away, and the police officer almost falls on Julie as he walks passed) Officer: scuse us ma'm Julie: ooh (stunned) no problem (Julie is on a sun lounge next to a small, plain looking pool. in the background we can see 2 levels of motel rooms. poor Julie looks so out of place) CUT TO: Harbor school - we see a close up of Taylor looking at her sidekick. she smiles and we see a close up of the screen it says, To: Dartman 4 u, and Taylor finishes typing Lol U R SO NAWTY Taylor smiles at the screen again. we can now see that she is in the student lounge and Summer is watching her from a distance. Summer frowns, we see Taylor again smiling at the screen. Summer looks frustrated Seth: hey (Summer pulls Seth down next to her on the couch) Summer: look at her, all coy an texty (we see Taylor giggling with her hand over her mouth) (grossed out) I bet its the dean all like come over ta my creepy apartment, ill give you a lesson in discipline (we see Taylor giggling harder now) Summer: be afraid Cohen (Seth looks at her) be very, very afraid (Seth moves away slightly) if Taylor isn't stopped who knows how far she'll take her evil agenda (we see another sht of Taylor looking at the screen of her sidekick) Seth: well you know she hijacks social chair its not like world domination is inevitable Summer: yeah, well school domination is, she's got dean Hess in her back pocket, front (mumbles) an who knows where else Seth: well look I know US Weekly's your bible an believe me I love a good scandal as much as the next guy but (unconvinced) nothing is going on between the dean an Taylor Townsend Summer: I saw what I saw ok Seth: yeah in a dark hallway, in the middle of a rage black out, isn't it possible you saw what you wanted ta see Summer: h- no, no one chooses ta witness something that repellent (screws up face) (we see Taylor again. she opens her mouth in shock/suprise and brings her hand up. Summer and Seth are still watching her) Summer: ugh, m id like ta give her a sidekick (Taylor smiles and walks off, Summer and Seth try to act normal as she walks passed. once Taylor is gone Seth sighs and Summer leans forward and picks up her books) Seth: where're you goin Summer: recon CUT TO: Newport Union - Ryan and Marissa are walking together holding lunch trays Ryan: (unsure) you sure this is a good idea Marissa: of course, I want you here Ryan: does anyone else Marissa: well there's only one way ta find out (smiles) hi guys (puts tray down) Casey: hey Ryan: (softly) hey (we can now see that Ryan and Marissa are standing at Casey, Johnny & Dennis' table) Dennis: is this Ryan Ryan: (puts tray down) yep Dennis: yeah, I see why you didn't break up with him (nods) chiseled jaw deep soulful eyes, he's pretty (Ryan looks at Marissa) Dennis: (points) yo man you ever get struck by lightening I will take care of your woman Ryan: (smiles) yeah, I'm worried Johnny: you should be (holds out hand) good to see you again Ryan: (shakes) hey, yeah good to see you, sorry about the other day, kinda lost my cool Johnny: hey man you see your girl...talkin ta some guy you don't know, it could happen ta anyone Casey: so you guys wanna sit with us Marissa: sure thanks Casey: cool (Casey moves down to make room for Marissa and Ryan on her side. Johnny and Dennis are sitting opposite them) Johnny: (to Ryan) so you blowin off school today Ryan: uh no actually I'm doin the home-school thing for awhile (sits) Johnny: home-school I thought that was for like Christians an Hippies Marissa: (almost proudly, looks at Ryan) and for people who punched the dean in the face at their private school Dennis: you did that Ryan: yeah Johnny: yeah I wish I could home-school, can't wait ta get outta here, though Newport beats the hell outta Brea Ryan: you're from Brea, where'd you got ta middle school Johnny: Arovista Ryan: Chino hills (Johnny nods) Casey: c'mon Marissa (stands) lets get some frozen yoghurt Marissa: uh, ok, Ryan you want anything Ryan: I'm good, thanks (smiles) Marissa: ok Casey: (calls) Dennis you like frozen yoghurt Dennis: ok yeah I love frozen yoghurt Casey: yeah c'mon you can hold our tray for us Dennis: ok Casey: (to Marissa) trust me the faster they become friends the better off you are (smiles) (Marissa looks back and we see Johnny and Ryan talking) Johnny: so we use'ta kick your ass in pee-wee football Ryan: yeah I know, I use'ta play safety Johnny: quarterback Ryan: really (Marissa and Casey smile at each other and walk off. Dennis is not far behind them) CUT TO: Harbor school - we see Taylor at her locker and then we see Summer walking in the same direction but down the end of the hall. Taylor shuts her locker and starts walking back towards Summer. Summer panics and quickly turns and goes up the stairs. we then see Taylor walk passed, as she does Summer leans around the corner and watches. she waits a few seconds then starts walking again. Taylor walks up to her Taylor: ok, at first I thought it was cute, you following me obsessing over me, but the Single White Female thing is so mid nineties (shakes head) and it never ends well for the ugly one Summer: (mouth open) uh could you be more full'a yourself, I have better things ta do than follow your sorry ass around Taylor: ok I know it must be hard going from prom queen to...the invisible woman but (Summer looks at her) what're you trying ta prove, that your not just sad an pathetic but your also crazy Summer: oh you want crazy, oh I will show you crazy Taylor: ok (puts finger up) you might wanna rethink thrat me, if you haven't noticed I'm kinda close with dean Hess Summer: oh no, I've noticed (nods) well you know dean Hess he isn't exactly discreet Taylor: (confused) ok what'does that mean Summer: never mind, I have ben trying ta erase this image (closes eyes) from my brain like all day, unfortunately I think its gonna take like serious therapy (shakes head) Taylor: what image Summer: nothing I...dean Hess could get in like alotta trouble (Taylor looks at her) (whispers) I think it's like sexual harassment or something Taylor: (whispers) what is Summer: ...kissing (Taylor looks worried) Miss Applebaum, yeah the volleyball coach...with the toned arms an the legs for miles, I saw them (raises eyebrows) behind the gym bleachers this morning Taylor: (shocked but then laughs) ok your totally lying Summer: I wish (closes eyes) the look on Miss Applebaum's face is like permanently brned inta my retinas (screws up her face) god, pure carnal satisfaction (Taylor looks at her) yeah (we hear the bell ring) Summer: ohp, sorry (laughs) I guess I gotta go (touches Taylor's arm) you have a super day (shrugs) (Summer turns away and then turns back) Summer: I was going this way (Taylor watches Summer, she looks worried) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - we see a close up of a brochure that someone is holding, it says NEWPORT POINT CONDOMINIUMS Kirsten: so, what'do you think (we can now see that Julie is the one reading the brochure, and she's sitting at the table) Julie: aren't condos for old people Kirsten: (pours drinks) these units were conceived for young professionals, single divorced executive types Julie: how much are we talking Kirsten: well since I know the developer personally ten percent gets you in, the rest you can finance Julie: (thinking) ten percent Kirsten: Julie, it's a really good investment, an if you need help with the down payment Julie: (mouth open) I'm not destitute Kirsten, I'm discerning Kirsten: so should I make a call, set up a walk-through Julie: (smiles) why not (we hear the door bell) Kirsten: uh, wonder who that is (Julies smile goes as soon as Kirsten leaves the room. Julie holds out her hand in front of the brochure and looks at her wedding ring. she bites her finger and looks as though she's thinking) (heard in the background) Kirsten: hi Charlotte: hi, I was on my way ta the club an I thought you might wanna join me for a bite (Kirsten and Charlotte are coming into the kitchen) Kirsten: ooh, its good of you ta stop by Charlotte: oh I'm sorry I didn't realise you had company (Julie stands) Kirsten: n-n-n-n no, Charlotte this is Julie, Julie this is Charlotte (Charlotte and Julie shake hands) Julie: hi, nice to meet you (Charlotte smiles) Kirsten: we met at Suriak Julie: oh (to Charlotte) are you a doctor Charlotte: patient Julie: you know what, I have an appointment I have'ta be getting to so uh Kirsten call me when you hear from your real estate friend (quickly adds) on my cell, my hotel is...terrible about...messages (starts to leave) Charlotte: nice to meet you Julie: (looks back) nice to meet you too Charlotte: (smiles) ok clearly I have got ta learn how ta call ahead, I'm sorry (frowns) I hope I didn't scare your friend away Kirsten: well it'd take alot more than that ta scare Julie, she was married ta my dad (raises eyebrows) Charlotte: oh well that would explain the size of the rock on her finger Kirsten: well he didn't leave her much else Charlotte: (picks up brochure) Newport Point condominiums Kirsten: it's not the Taj Mahal but it'll be a good place for her an her daughter ta start over, can I get you some salad we-we have plenty left Charlotte: oh yeah that'd be great I'm starving actually (smiles) thanks (to herself, Kirsten doesn't hear) so your dad left her with nothing, she must be feelin really vulnerable now Kirsten: I'm glad you came by CUT TO: Summers room - we see a pair of legs on a silky looking bed spread. the camera pans across to show that it is Marissa on the bed, and it looks like she's doing homework. Summer is standing near her bed Summer: c'mon Coop, Ryan's going (raises eyebrows, folds arms) Marissa: yeah, an I'm sure he'll have a great time with you an Seth (Summer does a disappointed tsk at Marissa) Marissa: looks it's not because it's Harbor, and it's not because its college I just have alotta homework Summer: (doesn't buy it) yeah, yeah sure homework Marissa: what you want me ta focus on my future, well guess what tomorrow I have a trig exam (holds up homework) that I'm totally gonna fail Summer: (gives up) ok (nods) sure, ill jus tell everyone you said hi Marissa: (suprised) ok (raises eyebrows) Summer: ok, enjoy (leaves) Marissa: ill be fine Summer: (calls) later (Marissa sighs almost sadly) CUT TO: Harbor school college fair - we see a big board set up in the hall that says STATE COLLEGES & UNIVERSITIES. the camera then pans to show Kirsten, Sandy, Seth, Ryan and Summer in the hall. Seth and Summer are holding hands, aww Sandy: Ivy League, big ten, fat? ten Summer: you know college fairs are kinda like shopping its all about brand recognition Seth: you know Princeton was originally called the college of New Jersey Summer: hm Seth: how hard d'you think it'd be ta get in that school Kirsten: well why don't you ask them Seth: why not indeed (Sandy and Ryan smile. Ryan looks around a little nervously) Sandy: you ok Ryan: yeah (sighs) yeah fine, just a little weird being back here...I feel like a fugitive (Kirsten closes her eyes) Sandy: you have as much right ta be here as anyone (Ryan looks at him) so where d'you wanna start Ryan: I really don't know Sandy: (raises eyebrows) I hear Berkeley's an excellent choice (Ryan smiles) very pretty girls too Kirsten: (smiles) ah an there's the UC sign Sandy: (to Ryan) sounds good Ryan: (smiles) sure (we now see Summer and Seth in the student lounge, they are near the Harvard booth) Summer: so wait all these schools are in the North East Seth: yeah so Summer: so, just a little something I like ta call winter, god your boney ass cant even take it when Newport drops ta seventy (Seth scoffs) (grabs Seth) oh my god wait (we see what Summer saw which is Taylor and Jack through the window, they are facing each other) Seth: what Summer: oooo busted (Seth looks over and sees Taylor and Jack talking to each other, it looks like a heated argument. Seth sighs) Summer: now do you believe me, that is totally a couple fight Seth: yeah, or dean Hess just told Taylor her chances are better at Cornell than Dartmouth Summer: (looks at Seth) you still don't believe me Seth: no, I'm jus saying look uh an on campus argument in front of the students (Taylor storms off, Jack looks frustrated) an the faculty an parents is not really proof of a relationship Summer: ok (raises eyebrows) I'm gonna go get ya proof (walks away) Seth: (confused) what (Summer walks over to where Jack & Taylor were, Jack walks inside just before Summer goes out - we now see Ryan, Sandy and Kirsten at a booth, I assume its Berkley. Ryan and Sandy are both reading material) Guy: what're you interested in studying Ryan: uh (looks up) iiiiii'm not totally sure Sandy: Ryan's strong in Math an Physics (Ryan looks at him, smiles) Kirsten: an he's shown a real aptitude for building an drafting (smiles) Guy: well maybe architecture, we've got a great program Ryan: maybe (we see Jack talking to somebody in the background, he looks over and sees the back of Ryan's head. he is not impressed. Sandy glances up and sees that Jack is glaring at Ryan and starting to head over) Sandy: ill be right back (Ryan and Kirsten look up and they both see Jack) Jack: what is Atwood doing here, he's not ta set foot on this campus Sandy: I cleared it with Principal Kim, you can keep him from enrolling here but you can't keep him from attending a public event Jack: I'm calling security Sandy: unless you have a court ordered injunction against my son (Jack smiles smugly) I recommend you keep your hands off him Jack: fine, he can stay (Sandy looks at him) but it's a waste of time none'a these schools will even admit him Sandy: cause'a the letter you attached ta his file Jack: maybe he'll think twice about asault his next victim Sandy: he made a mistake an he should pay for it, but should the price really be his future (Jack looks at Sandy. in the background we see Ryan walk over) Sandy: you're klling his one sht Jack: (looks at Ryan then Sandy) no, he did that all by himself (Jack walks away. Sandy turns around and sees Ryan standing there, Ryan looks back at Sandy for a few seconds then leaves the room. Kirsten goes over to Sandy and they both watch helplessly and then look at each other) CUT TO: The Pool House, next morning - we see Seth come in the open doors with a coffee in his hand Seth: (sighs) mornin buddy, got up early put on a pot'a regular (the pool house appears empty) Seth: Ryan...Ryan (looks around) (Seth looks at Ryan's bed, it hasn't been made. he shakes his head, worried) Seth: oh no, oh man (we hear the sound of a door and Seth looks up just as Ryan comes out of the bathroom, he has a towel on his shoulder) Seth: (suprised) Ryan, your here Ryan: where else would I be (touches Seth's arm) Seth: well after last night I thought ya (frowns) might'a gone greyhound but clearly my concern was unfounded because you're...fine Ryan: (putting on shoes) sure I mean no one in my family even got through high school...two years ago the thought'a college never even crossed my mind...it was never where I was headed Seth: yeah, ok (confused) well where are you headed right now, a little uh field trip with your tutor Ryan: uh I cancelled the tutor, if anyone asks I'm at the library Seth: good (points) I think that's a good idea, you take a day clear your head...with a little independent study Ryan: (matter of factly) my head is clear, tutors not coming back (walks passed Seth) I'm done with school Seth: your dropping out (looks at Seth) an then what Ryan: I don't know yet (grins and heads towards the house) Seth: ok well that's a smart move, have you told my parents, have you told Mariss- that's fine, high schools, its overrated I'm sure you'll do fine (shakes head, stunned) CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa is at her locker on her cell phone Marissa: Ryan you can't jus drop outta school, its only gonna make things worse (we hear the bell ring) Marissa: I gotta get ta class ok, please lets jus talk after, bye (during the phone call Johnny had come over) Johnny: everything ok Marissa: yeah, great, my boyfriends quitting school Johnny: why Marissa: because he doesn't think he can get inta college so he's just giving up (shuts locker) Johnny: seems like a smart kid I'm sure he'll be alright Marissa: (looks at Johnny) this time I'm not so sure...his family is kinda screwed up Johnny: whose isn't Marissa: ok true (laughs) but Ryan's is really screwed up, an he's got a chance ta be difference than them if he'd jus take it Johnny: have you told him that Marissa: (walking up the stairs) oh I don't think he'll listen ta me, infact I don't know who he'll listen to (we see Johnny looking up at Marissa from the bottom of the stairs, he looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: Newport Point Condominiums - we see Julie on the balcony of a big spacious empty condo. it has a beautiful ocean view. a woman comes in and walks over to Julie Woman: Miss Morgan Julie: (looks over) no (walks inside) Julie Cooper-Nichol (smiles) Woman: oh right uh Kirsten Cohen's referral Julie: door was open so I thought id take a little peek around, gave me a chance ta really visualise myself in the place (looks at her) ill take it Woman: (suprised) beg your pardon Julie: I brought the down payment with me, I'm assuming cash is ok (Julie opens her purse to reveal bundles of notes, we can also see that the wedding ring from earlier is no longer on her finger) Woman: oh um Miss Cooper Julie: (corrects) Cooper-Nichol Woman: I think we may have a little misunderstanding you see when we spoke this morning I was under the impression that this unit wasn't um...right for you Julie: I beg your pardon Woman: this is a four bedroom, the one that we talked about is a two bedroom...in the garden Julie: (shocked) garden...realtor speak for basement right (Charlotte comes in the door) Charlotte: hello Woman: ah, you must be Miss Morgan Charlotte: yes, hi (Julie looks at her) Julie right, hi w-what're you doin here Julie: I might ask the same thing Charlotte: well I'm planning on doing some business in the area (shrugs) an I heard this condo might be a perfect little crash pad but looks like you bat me to it Julie: actually your timing is perfect (to Woman) I'm sorry I think I'm looking for something with a better view, Charlotte the place is all yours (Julie leaves and Charlotte looks at the Woman) Woman: well, follow me Miss Morgan, we'll start with the master (Charlotte nods) CUT TO: Harbor school - we see a close up of someone writing in a notebook. the camera pans up to show that it's Summer, she rips out what she just wrote and screws it up. we then see Seth come into the student lounge and look around, after a few seconds he spots Summer sitting by herself and goes over to her Seth: hey (sits) where you ben I've ben looking for you all day Summer: well I've ben avoiding you Seth: jus because I don't buy into your whole Taylor an the dean forbidden love delusion (Summer raises her eyebrows) yeah, can we table that for a sec we have a bigger problem ta worry about Summer: Ryan quitting school (looks at Seth) (Seth nods) I know Marissa told me Seth: well I think we should do somethin before it's too late Summer: why do you think I'm writing this letter Seth: are you starting a petition, that's a pretty good idea Summer: no it's not a petition dumb ass I'm begging for Taylor's forgiveness Seth: hm you had me an then you...I think you lost me (smiles) Summer: ok, if Taylor thinks that dean Hess is sorry maybe they'll get back together an then we can expose them an use that as a leverage (raises eyebrows) ta get Ryan back in school Seth: (takes it all in) huh CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten is on the phone Kirsten: no-no-no I-I I understand...uh can I-can I call you right back, thanks (Sandy is now in the kitchen. Kirsten hangs up and looks worried, she has one hand on her hip) Sandy: what's goin on Kirsten: that was Ryan's tutor...calling for her final paycheck... Sandy: (confused) what Kirsten: Ryan told her that he would no longer be needing her services (closes eyes) since he wont be finishing high school (looks at Sandy) Sandy: where's Ryan now Kirsten: well Seth said he was at the library Sandy: well one kid droppin outta school the other kid lying, an I thought today was gonna be boring (Kirsten smiles at Sandy, but she still looks worried) CUT TO: The diner - Ryan is sitting in a booth by himself. he has a newspaper and a red pen in his hand. we see Johnny walk in and go over to him Johnny: hey man Ryan: (looks up) hey Johnny Johnny: Marissa said they had the best burgers in town, figured I should check it out for myself Ryan: they are, come on in (Johnny sits down and there is an awkward silence for a few seconds) Ryan: ...so she told you what's goin on Johnny: ...might'a mentioned it Ryan: well no offense but you barely know me Johnny: (looks at the menu) which is why I'm not here ta talk you inta anything, I mean I'm not goin ta college, figured id do alright in a few surf competitions next year, maybe hook up with some sponsors (looks at Ryan) turn that into a career you know, its a simple plan but Ryan: better than what I got (raises eyebrows) thought id get a job, figure things out after I make a little money Johnny: (nods) what kinda job're you lookin for Ryan: did construction last summer, hours were long but I liked the work Johnny: (thinks) my uncle has this commercial fishing operation, he's always lookin for new guys, you know its kinda brutal but you can't bat the pay Ryan: think he'd give me a sht Johnny: if you want ill take you down there (Ryan looks at Johnny) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen, night - we see Seth, Sandy and Kirsten sitting at the table. Ryan is nowhere to be seen. Sandy looks at his watch then taps on the table Seth: he could be off joining a foreign legion, joining a cult...Ryan could be...(shakes head) I don't know he could be takin place in a mass marriage right now drinkin cool aide from brand new sneakers...so many sick things Kirsten: I'm gonna try his cell again (gets up) (Sandy looks worried. Ryan comes in) Ryan: hi Kirsten: (stops, relieved) Ryan (Sandy and Seth look over) Seth: dude, where were you, we were about ta sound an amber alert Ryan: I'm sorry (Kirsten fixes Ryan a plate of dinner) Sandy: look I know you've had a rough twenty four hours an I am a firm believer that every man deserves his space, you can't go off like that Ryan: it won't happen again (smiles) Sandy: listen lucky for you I was able ta do a little damage control with your tutor, she's agreed ta come this weekend ta make up for what you missed today Ryan: oh uh well I appreciate that but (holds out a piece of paper and a pen) um Sandy: what's this (takes it) Ryan: uh it's a guardian release form (sits) I got a job Sandy: oh Ryan: on a boat (Sandy and Kirsten look stunned) Seth: you mean like a...a cruise ship cause you don't really seem like the type (Ryan smiles) Sandy: this is a joke right...these boats go out for weeks at a time (Ryan nods) ...your not of age Ryan: well that's why I need your signature Sandy: so you wanna throw away your future so you can go work on a fishing boat Ryan: c'mon my futures already trashed, tried it your way it didn't work Sandy: (stern) you have'ta keep trying Ryan: (loud) no I don't (Seth looks at Ryan, Kirsten looks at Sandy. both Ryan and Sandy are looking at each other) Ryan: I have ben trying...an I appreciate everything you've done for me I really do but I...need (looks at Sandy) ta make my own decisions...an I am asking you...ta let me go (Sandy looks at Ryan. Ryan looks at Sandy. Seth looks at Ryan and then Sandy. Kirsten looks from Ryan to Sandy. Sandy looks away from Ryan and at the bit of paper, after a few seconds he puts it on the table and goes to sign) Kirsten: Sandy Seth: dad (Sandy signs the paper. Kirsten Seth and Ryan are all watching him. Sandy hands the paper back to Ryan. Ryan takes it and nods, satisfied. Ryan starts eating and Kirsten and Seth are just sitting there shocked) CUT TO: Fishing boat, the next morning - we see a whole heap of guys who I assume work for Johnny's uncle. there is some crew talk here but I can only understand about half so ill leave it, it's just like do this, do that it's coming out of your paychecks. Ryan walks over Ryan: Mr. Harper Uncle: yeah Ryan: uh Ryan Atwood from yesterday Uncle: (looks up) oh yeah Johnny's friend right Ryan: yeah Uncle: (holds out a clipboard) hold this (continues working) uh look kid we don't need part-timers right now, check back next summer (calls) give me a needle somebody Ryan: (pulls out paper) yeah about that I got the uh I got the signature I can-I can do full time Uncle: (takes the paper) you know this isn't puttin bait on hooks, its hard work, you mess up out there you don't get fired you get hurt Ryan: (nods) I worked construction I can handle it, I-id really appreciate the chance Uncle: yeah (laughs) that's because you don't know better (looks at Ryan) alright, yeah we got a spot open on the Gail, preppin her right now Ryan: oh great how-how longs she gonna be out Uncle: depends on the action, I guess about three weeks (Ryan listens) she shoves off tomorrow at sunset, you got a problem with that Ryan: no sir (shakes head) just uh got some loose ends ta tie up Uncle: yeah, don't we all, alright don't be late (walks off) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Kirsten is over near the window looking out at the ocean. Sandy comes in Sandy: hey Kirsten: (turns around) oh hey (smiles) how was surfing Sandy: pretty calm, had time ta do some soul searching (Kirsten and Sandy kiss. aww) Kirsten: you gonna talk to him Sandy: I'm stickin with our plan Kirsten: your plan, Sandy, he's leaving on a boat tomorrow this is the wrong time ta be stubborn Sandy: honey (looks at Kirsten) I'm stubborn all the time (Kirsten looks at him) we can't force Ryan ta make the right choice (Sandy leaves the room. Kirsten follows him) Kirsten: uh, yeah but we can stop him from making a horrible mistake, from permanently knocking his life off course Sandy: yeah, it's a course we set for him Kirsten: (thinks) would you let Seth do this Sandy: oh (laughs) we kinda did Kirsten: no, no that was different it was summer he didn't miss school an it was Seth, we knew he'd come back Sandy: (thinks) you know in Ryan's position at his age I can't say I wouldn't be doin the same thing (shrugs) I left home at seventeen Kirsten: yeah ta start your life not throw it away Sandy: Ryan doesn't want this, he'll come around but (shakes head) we gotta let him get there on his own Kirsten: (worried) an what if he doesn't (Sandy and Kirsten are now in the kitchen. Sandy stops when he sees Marissa come in from outside, she appears to be looking for Ryan) Marissa: hey Kirsten: oh hi sweetie Marissa: (frowns) have you guys seen Ryan, he hasn't ben returning my calls Kirsten: oh, he should be home soon Marissa: this thing with the dean has really gotten to him Sandy: I think the best thing we can do is support him (shrugs) no matter what Kirsten: so you wanna what, throw him a going away dinner (Marissa looks at Sandy and Kirsten confused, she has no idea about the boat yet) Sandy: mm that's not a bad idea Marissa: wait, where is he going (Kirsten and Sandy realise Marissa doesn't know that he is about to leave on a commercial fishing boat for three weeks. Marissa looks at them, lost) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer is sitting at her computer reading out something on the screen Summer: you are like a warm breeze bl*wing down Vanice? Boulevard, from Encino to Rositto? there is nothing as beautiful as you, your eyes are as blue as a smogless day aft- (during Summers poem Seth has come into her room) Seth: (frowns) what the hell is that Summer: (looks up) oh, well I lifted it from the season finale of The Valley, you know when Manwell was busting a move on April when she found out that Jake was sleeping with her mom Seth: right, that was riveting stuff Summer: yeah, will you proof it for me (stands) Seth: listen we have'ta act fast, Ryan's about a yellow slicker an a grey beard away from becoming the Gorton's fisherman (sits) Summer: huh (shakes head) yeah not getting the reference Seth: he got a job on a fishing boat, leaves tomorrow night Summer: wait what, what are you serious (Seth nods) your dad's jus like letting him go Seth: pullin the old Sandy Cohen Jedi mind meld on him, tryin'a break his will by agreeing with him Summer: oh like he did with you, which you fell for because you are both spineless an weak Seth: yes exactly (points) but this is Ryan we're talkin about so if Taylor's gonna fall for your plan we need ta speak in a language she'll understand Summer: oh (raises eyebrows) are you tryin ta say that you believe me (raises eyebrows) Seth: uh no not exactly there's jus no other options, d'you have her cell phone number Summer: what, we're not gonna call her she's not a moron she's just evil Seth: we're not gonna call her my little dim sum (holds up a box) we're going to text her Summer: what is that Seth: (pulls out Sidekick) or should I say dean Hess is (hands it to Summer) Summer: (excited) you got the bedazzled one, pink too Seth: yeah Summer: (opens the screen) but we can't text her an apology, wait we're texting her an apology (confused) Seth: mm-mm an invitation, I got a room at the Mermaid motel (raises eyebrows) Summer: you mean the place where Ryan may (raises eyebrows) or may not have conceived Theresa's baby an where Marissa's mom (raises eyebrows) an Luke got it on Seth: Newport's very own den of sin (smiles) Summer: eww (nods) but I like it Seth: we can even...I mean if we have some free time (Summer looks at him) whatever CUT TO: The Pool House - Marissa is sitting cross legged on the foot stool near the open doors, she looks very dazed and out of it. Ryan comes in, he sees Marissa Marissa: (a little pointed) hope you don't mind, I'm early for your going away party Ryan: (lost) my what Marissa: oh well Sandy an Kirsten wanna have a send off party for you (Ryan looks at her) since apparently your leaving Ryan: ...I was gonna tell you Marissa: it slipped your mind Ryan: no (moves closer) I was waiting for the right time...since I thought (sits on the bed) you might not understand Marissa: understand what, that you're becoming a fisherman Ryan: it's not about the job (Marissa looks at him) I need ta make a change Marissa: a change Ryan: n-not from us Marissa: right (stands, upset) cause you taking off for weeks at a time wont change us at all (starts to leave) Ryan: its not forever (Marissa looks at him)...its jus- it's just until Marissa: until when, the dean lets you back (raises eyebrows) inta Harbor cause that may never happen Ryan: (looks at Marissa) I need you to understand Marissa: (turns away) consider it understood (Marissa leaves. Ryan just sits there) CUT TO: out the front of Julie's motel - Charlotte is in a car with the guy from before, Glen. he's driving Glen: you sure about this Julie Cooper Charlotte: definitely, she's got all the right connections an nothing left ta lose Glen: I hope so, you better be right Charlotte: I know what I'm doin babe (Charlotte kisses Glen - we are now inside Julies room. she is looking at her practically empty fridge. she takes the last beer out and the empty carton falls out with it. she kicks it then tries to get the bottle cap off with her hands. she cant do it so she rests it against the edge of the fridge and bangs it hard with her other hand) Julie: oww, damn it (sucks finger) (we hear a knock at the door. Julie opens the door and Charlotte his standing there) Charlotte: hi (smiles) Julie: (shocked) what the hell are you doing here Charlotte: I hope you don't mind me tracking you down, I got your address from the realtor Julie: are you stalking me Charlotte: (laughs) no but I can see why you would think that, can I come in Julie: uh you really don't want to, and no Charlot	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x05 - The Perfect Storm"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - The first thing we see is a black screen, and we can hear the repeated echo of Marissa saying to Ryan "my life just doesn't work without you" we then hear the sound of waves at the beach and we see Marissa at her lifeguard tower. this changes to Trey howling on the beach that night, while we can hear the howling we can see Trey slam Marissa down on the sand and get on top of her, we hear the echo of Marissa saying "get away" and also Ryan saying "he's my brother". we see Treys head leaning down towards a scared Marissa. this goes black and then we see the night of the sh*ting, we hear the echo of Marissa saying "Trey get off of him, please! and we can see the scene where Trey holds the phone above his head, about to smash Ryan with it. we then hear Marissa say "you're klling him" and the faint sound of the gn fring, we then see Marissa fre it and hear the sound of the sht more loudly. we see a close up of Treys bloody, stunned face. much clearer/brighter than we did in 224, we then hear the sound of like a tape being fast forwarded. we see a stunned Marissa gradually sitting on the ground, dazed and out of it. we see Trey turn around and look at Marissa, then the vision of Trey freezes dramatically before disappearing altogether. we then see an eye open suddenly, in an otherwise dark scene. the eye blinks and the camera zooms out to show that its Marissa, she is very shaken up and breathing heavily. she looks over at Summer who is asleep next to her before getting out of bed and grabbing her cell phone, she goes to sit in the hall by herself. she then dials a number - we now see a sleeping Ryan in the pool house, he is woken up by his phone ringing. he rolls over and turns on the light, which makes him screw up his face from the brightness, then he leans on his elbow and answers the phone Ryan: yeah Marissa: hey, it's me Ryan: (sits up) are you ok Marissa: no (upset) I mean yes but I had a dream, and Trey was there again and so were you an it was happening all over, look I'm sorry to wake you up ok I'm just scared Ryan: I know, I know but you don't have'ta be (sighs) Treys gone (Marissa still looks shaken up) everythings fine...you should go back to sleep ill talk to you tomorrow ok Marissa: ...ok (hangs up) (Ryan hangs up - a now awake Summer goes and sits with Marissa) Marissa: hey Summer: (yawns) nightmares huh, you know at first I thought you were just a sweaty sleeper, didn't wanna say anything, but Marissa: (looks at Summer) I guess I thought if I slept with you (raises eyebrows) they'd go away Summer: have you talked ta Ryan about it Marissa: I try, but I mean you know he is Summer: yeah, not much with words Marissa: an he went through it with me, he should understand Summer: (softly) I know (shrugs) well I'm here (Marissa nods, sadly) what Marissa: I just wish that Ryan knew that that was all he had ta say Summer: yeah (rubs Marissa's back comfortingly. aww) (Ryan is lying back down now, he puts his hands on his face then sits up and grabs the phone, he looks at it for a few seconds as if he wants to dial, but then he puts it down and turns off the light. we see the darkened pool house from outside) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Cohen kitchen, morning - Sandy, Kirsten, Ryan and Seth are all in there together. Sandy and Kirsten are excited about Ryan's first day back at Harbor! Kirsten: so, you have your new class schedule Ryan: right here (holds it up, smiles) Sandy: (hands Ryan bottled water) you got all your supplies Ryan: in the bag Seth: you guys he's ben in school before (refuses water from Sandy) he knows how'ta do it Kirsten: we're just glad you're back at Harbor Sandy: make sure nothing goes wrong, Dr Kim was very clear Ryan: I know, I know I can't get'in any trouble and I won't, don't worry (smiles) (Ryan and Seth leave) Kirsten: (smiles, shrugs) just you and me Sandy: how bout another cup 'a coffee Kirsten: (grins) don't mind if I do (we now see Kirsten and Sandy walking outside together towards the table) Sandy: you an me an the house to ourselves...I could get use'ta this Kirsten: aaaah if I never set foot in an office again Sandy: well hopefully you won't have to, found a buyer for the Newport Group Kirsten: (sits) music to my ears Sandy: (drinks) well, if the meeting goes well tomorrow, I'm gonna sign the papers Kirsten: (pleased) then sayonara Newport Group Sandy: are you ok with that Kirsten: with what Sandy: walking away from the company that your father built (shakes head) you spent fifteen years there Kirsten: an it took me that long ta realise I hated it...ah Sandy I'm ready ta let it go (nods) (Sandy smiles and holds his coffee out to Kirsten as if to say "cheers" Kirsten does the same back) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Summer are walking together outside Seth: Ryan an Marissa haven't broken up in weeks, its gotta be a new record Summer: I know, but I feel a break up coming, I have a sixth sense about those two Seth: well they break up they get back together, whatever, it's their natural cycle it has ta do with the tide Summer: nooo it's different now, if they break up Marissa could disappear (Seth looks at her) she could get swallowed up at Newport Union, it's like the Bermuda Triangle Seth: (reassuringly) it's a school, an its two miles away (ruffles Summers hair) (Summer and Seth are now inside) Summer: look, I don't care it's just those two need ta log in some serious couple time or our little foursomes gonna shrink to about half Seth: (sees Ryan) hey man, hows it feel bein back, we're gonna go get coffee Ryan: ah excellent, its good you know got alotta work ta do (Seth nods) yeah I gotta study all weekend Summer: well, you can't study all weekend we got plans Ryan: we do Summer: yeah um Cohen invited Marissa an I over for dinner tonight an you can't hide from us in your own home (they are now in the student lounge) Ryan: uhh I don't know, I think I should back off for a little while, I mean havin me back in school cant be easy for Marissa, least I can do is give her some space Summer: space, no-no-no who needs space, Marissa she likes a short leash Seth: yeah listen, dinner tonight my house, I'm sure my moms at home right now cooking something disgusting, hi could I have three coffees please Summer: thankyou Ryan: alright fine, dinner (sighs) Seth: (looks over) oh god, incoming (we now see that Seth saw Taylor walking over to them, all cheery) Taylor: hi guys (smiles) have you heard about the lock in tomorrow night (Summer shakes her head) the entire senior class is gonna spend the night...in the gym Ryan: (softly, sarcastically) yes! Summer: ooooh, we can't make it (shakes head) Seth: yeah, I'm taking off my arm with a hack saw Taylor: oooh, well that's a shame (Seth nods) um your gonna have'ta miss that (nods) lock in's mandatory, counts as a class (points at Ryan) an I know you can't afford any cuts Ryan: (drinks, grins) we'll be there (points) Taylor: (laughs) super, its gonna be a blast (hands out flyers) we're even gonna make s'mores, we're using Bunsen burners ta simulate campfires (Seth throws the flyer over his shoulder) it's just a little idea I came up with Seth: (sarcastically) oh my god, that's genius (Summer smiles) Taylor: well um remember all you need to bring is a sleeping bag, and an open mind (taps side of head dramatically) (Taylor walks away. all three of them look annoyed, lol) Summer: there goes our Saturday night (Taylor stops and walks back) Taylor: oh um I almost forgot I'm gonna need a few guys ta help me set up tomorrow night so Seth an Ryan, figured you'd both be up for it, I mean I did pretty much get you back inta school (Ryan looks at her, grinning) so, ill see you tomorrow at two Seth: and there goes the rest of our weekend CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa walks over to Johnny, Casey & Dennis at the lockers Marissa: hey guys (Casey smiles) Dennis: Marissa, hey are you ready for this weekend Marissa: um I don't know, what's this weekend (Dennis puts his hand out as if to say "how can you live in Newport and not know" lol) Casey: the swells are comin in from Antarctica which means we're finally gonna get some height (goes over to Johnny) Marissa: mm-kay I have no idea what that means Johnny: I forgot (shakes head in disbelief) born an raised in Newport an never surfed a wave Marissa: (almost proudly) that's me Johnny: it means that after the flattest season ever, finally gettin some decent waves Dennis: (moves closer) we like ta welcome these southern swells with an ancient ritual known as Dawn Patrol Marissa: (thinks) does that mean you stay up all night an party before you surf (raises eyebrows) Dennis: (smiles) heeeeey she's not entirely hopeless (looks at Casey/Johnny, raises eyebrows) Casey: right, an you should totally come with us, I mean some of us are gonna hang out tonight even though the real festivities start tomorrow (Marissa looks from Casey to Johnny) Johnny: yeah, maybe (shrugs) we'll even teach you a few moves Marissa: or ill just sit on the sand (raises eyebrows) and watch (bell rings) Casey: ugh, c'mon Chili we have physics Dennis: Dawn Patrol, tonight (points at Marissa) grande awesomeness wooooo (Dennis and Casey walk off) Johnny: you got a free period too Marissa: ummm yeah (rubs nose/eyes) Johnny: (notices) you ok (Marissa looks at him) look a little tired Marissa: gee, thanks (smiles) Johnny: sorry Marissa: no it's ok, I haven't really ben sleeping...at all Johnny: too much coffee Marissa: mm'nah I don't think its that Johnny: ...bad dreams (Marissa stops walking and looks at Johnny, Johnny looks at Marissa) Marissa: maybe, something like that Johnny: (looks at Marissa) come on, let's ht the vending machines, my treat Marissa: how could I say no (smiles) CUT TO: Yacht club - Julie walks in and we see Charlotte already sitting a table reading the menu. Julie walks over to her Julie: hey (smiles) Charlotte: hey (stands, hugs Julie) Julie: good news, the movers showed up with my stuff (sits) our place is almost livable Charlotte: wonderful, we should celebrate, ooooo (leans forward) in fact I should throw you a housewarming Julie: oo well thanks, but you've already done enough favours for me (looks at Charlotte) its getting a little creepy Charlotte: oh come on, I'm gonna be goin ta Aspen in a few weeks, Marissa's gonna move in an you two are jus gonna forget all about me, at least let me throw a party before I go Julie: (reluctant) I don't know, I'm a little low on the friends these days Charlotte: ah, everybody bailed on you when you lost your money huh Julie: you should see them at Cardio Barre, they don't even look me in the eye, I use'ta rule that class Charlotte: (shakes head) same thing happened ta me when I first got outta rehab, all the New York women just iced me (frowns) Julie: how did you dea Charlotte: well, I thought about leaving (raises eyebrows) but instead I threw a party (Julie raises eyebrows) black tie benefit, it was the smartest thing I could've done, it raised alotta money for a good cause an I got my life back Julie: yeah well, I can't throw those anymore, don't have the cash or the clout Charlotte: well I could help you, I mean of course we'd need Kirsten but (sits back) it would really be good for you Julie, I think you should think about it (Julie blinks, considering) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Marissa walks in holding books, Summer is already in there reading a magazine on her bed Marissa: hey Summer: hey, you up for dinner tonight the Cohen's wanna have us over Marissa: uh sure, but I'm gonna have'ta meet you there cause I told Johnny id hang with him at the beach Summer: hm (looks at Marissa) again with the Johnny Marissa: (frowns) Casey an Chili are gonna be there too, I guess these swells are coming in (frowns) an if your a surfer it's like Christmas Summer: (frowns, raises eyebrows) ooo Marissa: (grabs bag) you know you should come by tomorrow, check it out Summer: you know I would, I just uh I have'ta be imprisoned in the gym an forced ta eat s'mores (Marissa looks at her) yeah I wish I was kidding (nods) Marissa: wow, that sounds like a Taylor Townsend event, you know some days I really (raises eyebrows) don't miss life at Harbor Summer: mm-hmm Marissa: so um I guess ill see you at the Cohen's (leaves) Summer: oook, see ya (raises eyebrows) wouldn't wanna be ya CUT TO: The beach - we see some surfers out in the water. then Marissa walking down on the sand near the lifeguard tower. she walks over to Johnny who is standing nearby in a wet suit, with a towel draped around his shoulders Marissa: hey, where is everyone Johnny: Casey's on her way, Chili's still out there (points) see in the distance (Marissa looks) that kid, wipin out (we see a guy come off his board and ht the water hard) Marissa: whoa, ouch Johnny: (sighs) anyways you jus caught me on a break, wanna sit Marissa: sure (Marissa and Johnny walk forward a little) Marissa: it's so beautiful out here (sits) almost makes me wish I surfed Johnny: yeah I'm tellin you, it helped me (Marissa looks at him) you know with my sleep..everything really Marissa: ...you wanna talk about it (Johnny looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at Johnny) Johnny: ...um I don't know about you but I'm freezing, I'm gonna run ta the car an grab a sweatshirt, you wanna come Marissa: sure um let me just call Summer (Marissa and Johnny stand up) Johnny: do you...have to go Marissa: (looks at Johnny) no, no it's ok (Marissa takes out her cell phone. Johnny smiles and picks up his surfboard. Marissa walks with him) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - we see a big pot of what appears to be stew. Ryan lets go of the spoon that is in it, and frowns Ryan: what're you making (we can now see that Kirsten, Sandy and Seth are in the kitchen as well) Kirsten: beef stew Seth: ugh, can't we just order out like normal people Sandy: we are normal people, normal people cook (adds something to the stew) Seth: (sighs) I wonder if my poor mouth will ever taste pizza again Sandy: probably not because we are very abusive parents cooking for you like this (smiles) (Summer walks in) Summer: hey Kirsten: hey Summer (smiles) your just in time, we hope you like stew Summer: oh, it's my favourite Sandy: where's Marissa Summer: oh she can't make it she's busy Ryan: oh is she studying, cause uh I've ben known ta get her ta blow off some homework Summer: uh she's not studying (shakes head) (Ryan looks at her) she's at the beach with Johnny (Ryan looks at Summer confused. Kirsten and Sandy look at Ryan) Seth: Ryan try not ta punch Summer (Ryan looks at him) Summer: I'm just the messenger Ryan: yeah, that's alright really I mean she's with a friend she has'ta hang out with him Sandy: she probably just got held up Ryan: yeah (goes over to the table) Kirsten: well I guess there'll be more beef stew for everyone (Ryan looks disappointed) CUT TO: The beach - Marissa and Johnny are by the jeep. Marissa is leaning against the back and Johnny is putting on a jacket Johnny: you want one Marissa: yeah sure (stands) (Johnny puts his arm in the back of the car and pulls one out for Marissa) Marissa: thanks, hm central varsity baseball, I didn't know you played (puts on jacket) Johnny: I don't, not anymore, quit everything when I moved here (Marissa nods) new town new sports...I jus wanna start over Marissa: (looks at Johnny) what (Johnny looks at her then away) uh you don't have'ta tell me if you don't want to (Johnny and Marissa are now leaning against the railing, looking out at the ocean) Johnny: it's my dad...we had a...a fight...I haven't seen him since Marissa: an when was that Johnny: I don't know like three years ago (shrugs) four Marissa: (looks at Johnny, shocked) well have you tried calling him or contacting him Johnny: ...its not that easy...he was a...drunk...use'ta always go after my mom Marissa: you mean... Johnny: (nods) ...one day I jus snapped...came home from baseball practice (shakes head) an there he was...had her up against the wall, his hands around her neck (Marissa looks away) I just lost it Marissa: (looks at Johnny) lost it... Johnny: I took my baseball bat...I guess I just started beating him...I-I don't remember any of it (looks at Marissa) (Marissa listens) when I came to (swallows) he was unconscious...an I was covered in his blood Marissa: oh god Johnny: you know when I think back on that night (looks at Marissa) I didn't even know who I was...how I could've done that Marissa: (tears in her eyes, nods, relating) ...I know what you mean (Johnny looks at Marissa, then away. Marissa looks at him) Marissa: oh, Jonnny (rubs Johnny's back) I'm sorry Johnny: you wanna hear somethin crazy (swallows) ...your the first person I've told (looks at Marissa) (Marissa looks at Johnny - we then see Casey pull up in the parking lot. she gets out of her car then looks over and sees Johnny and Marissa standing together at the railing, Marissa puts her hand on Johnny's back and looks at him. Casey looks confused. this fades to Johnny and Marissa again, still standing together as the sun sets in front of them) CUT TO: Summers bedroom, next morning - Marissa is still sound asleep in bed, and Summer is standing next to the bed Summer: Coop (taps/pokes Marissa repeatedly) wake up Marissa: (stirs) mm, oooh, oh my god- let me sleep Summer: nup sorry cant let you do that, I waited up last night till like a million o'clock (shoves Marissa harder) where were you Marissa: I...I was with Johnny Summer: yeah, well I had fun explaining to the Cohen's that you couldn't make dinner because you were off romping on the beach with some surfer guy Marissa: I know, I'm sorry I missed it (rolls over) I meant ta be there Summer: yeah, well you weren't (glares at Marissa) an now I am finding (frowns) hm just suspicious articles of clothing lying around the room (Marissa looks at her, squinting) belonging ta strange men (holds up Johnny's jacket) I've seen unfaithful Coop, I know the signs Marissa: (sits up on elbows) Summer, I would never cheat on Ryan, ever Summer: (nods) ok, I knew that I just needed ta hear you say it (Marissa sighs and lies down) now why are you blwing off your boyfriend ta hang out with some random guy Marissa: (frowns) he needed ta talk Summer: well that's what his girlfriends for (raises eyebrows) Marissa: he needed ta talk ta me Summer: because he likes you (raises eyebrows) Marissa: he doesn't like me, we just have stuff in common Summer: (thinks) yeah, he's a surfer you're a shopper (sarcastically) totally make the connection Marissa: he...went through something, something like I went through an I don't know he just gets me Summer: (nods) ok, so Johnny gets you an what Ryan doesn't (raises eyebrows) Marissa: I didn't say that (frowns) besides he doesn't have a crush on me he has a girlfriend (rolls over) an if you don't believe me then why don't you come to the beach with us later Summer: (sighs) fine, I can go before the lock in, but you have'ta find your boyfriend an apologise ta him for last night CUT TO: Harbor school gym - Seth and Ryan are setting up Seth: so have you talked ta Marissa yet Ryan: uuh nah, got a message from her late last night no explanation just says she's sorry she's gonna stop by later today (Marissa walks in) Seth: (points) an right on cue (walks away) Marissa: (walks over) hey Ryan: hey Marissa: I'm sorry about last night, you must be mad at me Ryan: no, jus curious, where were you Marissa: I was talking ta Johnny Ryan: about Marissa: (worried) its personal (frowns) (Ryan looks at her) look I know how bad that sounds its jus, you've gotta trust me there's nothing going on between me an him Ryan: no no I believe you, I jus...I jus wanna make sure your alright (frowns) (Marissa moves away slightly) Ryan: what's up Marissa: (shrugs) well I'm still dealing with all of this stuff with Trey (Marissa looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at Marissa helplessly. poor guy doesn't know what to do) Taylor: (calls) Ryan (Ryan looks over) we're on the clock here (laughs) chop chop (Ryan looks back at Marissa) Marissa: its ok...ill see you later... (Marissa leaves, Ryan just stands there) CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy is in an office, and two men walk in. one is older looking and the other looks younger than Sandy Kurt: Mr. Cohen Kurt Williams (holds out hand) it's nice to meet you Sandy: (shakes hands) nice to meet you Kurt: id like you to meet my associate Matt Ramsey (Matt and Sandy shake hands) Kurt: he's a rising star in our company Sandy: good ta meet you, come on in gentleman (points) have a seat Kurt: thankyou, Mr. Cohen Matt an I are thrilled at the prospect of taking over the Newport Group (sits) Sandy: well I'm thrilled ta sell it to ya (sits) but I do have a condition, only one Kurt: course Matt: the Martinson Complex (Sandy looks at him, impressed) (to Kurt) there low income properties down by the water Kurt: ah-huh Sandy: (to Matt) you've done your homework, I fought my late father in-law tooth an nail ta get those up, an now I uh (sits forward) I gotta know they wont be destroyed (Kurt nods) even if they don't bring in much revenue Kurt: mm Matt: I totally agree, Mr. Cohen, its properties like those that are the heart an soul of a company like this Kurt: absolutely (looks at Sandy) Mr. Cohen id like to assure you that I intend to keep Caleb Nichols legacy in place Sandy: (looks at Kurt) so your not gonna knock em down an build another juice shop Kurt: you have my word Sandy: (nods) alright Kurt: (stands, smiles) terrific (Sandy and Kurt shake hands. Matt stands and shakes Sandy's hand. Sandy looks from Matt back to Kurt) CUT TO: Harbor school gym - we can see part of a sign, what we can make out in big red letters is ERE IS NO then underneath that in black is "I" then underneath that is EAM. if we could see the whole sign it would read THERE IS NO "I" IN TEAM. Taylor is holding it in her hands (we can now see that Seth is standing next to her) Taylor: I made these myself, they should help keep us psyched inta the wee hours Seth: yeah you're...talented, ok ill put em up (off screen we hear an annoyed "Taylor". Taylor looks over and sees an annoyed woman standing at the gym doors) Taylor: (walks over) mom, hi Ts mom: hurry I'm running late, I have your party favours in the car (Taylor nods) (scoffs) these your prisoners (Taylor looks at her) they look like they wanna be here just about as much as I do (Ts mom walks to her car and Taylor follows her - in the gym Seth stops and goes to walk back) Seth: tape would be a good idea (drops signs) Taylor (walks over to the door) Taylor, do we have any uh (Seth watches Taylor and her mom at the car) Ts mom: I mean really Taylor, locking in a bunch'a kids so you don't have'ta spend another Saturday night alone Taylor: mom that's not why I'm doing it (Seth watches/listens) Ts mom: baloni, your doing it because your lonely, if you'd just loosen up a little bit you would- Taylor: I would be one of the popular girls, I know mom Ts mom: (hands bag of supplies to Taylor) I'm off ta the club, if you need me ill be on my cell, Taylor, un-tuck your shirt (Taylor looks at her) your ass is so not made for low riders Taylor: ...got it (Ts mom leaves and Taylor heads back over to the gym. Seth moves away from the door) CUT TO: The beach - Summer and Marissa are walking on the sand together Summer: so there like really inta surfing here huh Marissa: yep, it seems ta be kind of a Newport Union obsession Summer: hmm (Johnny, Dennis & Casey walk up in their wetsuits) Johnny: (waves) Marissa Marissa: hey everyone, this is Summer Summer: hey (smiles) Dennis: (smiles) oh man I should'a known, hot chicks always travel in packs (Casey looks at him) Summer: (raises eyebrows) like wolves Marissa: uuhm that's Chili Dennis: (grins, waves) hi Casey: uh yeah don't listen ta anything that he says we think he was dropped on his head as a child (Dennis mouths "I love you" and points at Summer) Summer: (nods) well it'd make sense (laughs, shrugs) well it's nice to meet you guys Casey: (smiles) you too (two tough looking surfer guys walk over to them. one of them is Volchok) Volchok: hey Johnny (smiles at Summer/Marissa) see you found yourself a couple'a new groupies Johnny: (reluctantly) Summer, Marissa this is Volchok (Volchok makes a biting motion) he likes ta think he owns the waves (Summer screws up her face at what Volchok did) G: he's gotta be better than you Volchok: yeah, saw you go for a cut back out there an wipe (nods) it was nice Johnny: whatever man Volchok: oh no I'm jus sayin, your gonna have'ta do better than that if you wanna get on the pack west tour Dennis: (points) was that the tour that you tnk last year, or, cause there were a few (Volchok and his friend fake laugh) Johnny: Chili its cool (to Summer/Marissa) come on you guys let me show you where we can get some drinks Summer: bye? Marissa: kay (Chili wiggles a finger at Volchok and his friend as he walks passed, grinning) Volchok: hey Casey, hold up a second, I thought you were dating Harper Casey: I am (we see Johnny and Marissa walking together up ahead. Summer and Dennis are walking together a little behind them) Volchok: doesn't look like it (Volchok walks off and Casey watches them all, frowning) Johnny: (calls) Casey c'mon let's go CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Charlotte, Julie and Kirsten are in there together. Charlotte and Julie are facing each other, leaning against the counter/sink, Kirsten is down the end near the stove, with a kettle Charlotte: no its ben great, except for Julie leavin her wet towels all over the house (Kirsten laughs) Julie: well, life without a maid is an adjustment (Charlotte laughs) Kirsten: I can't believe you two living together, you must be having so much fun Julie: we are Charlotte: we both know how lucky we are to of survived the last few months so we've ben talking about finding a way to give back (they are now outside sitting at the table) Julie: we wanna throw a charity event, black tie, the club, hole nine yards Charlotte: for under privileged women, so that they can go ta rehab an have the same chance ta heal that we did Kirsten: well that sounds like a wonderful cause (smiles) (Julie smiles) Charlotte: (hopeful) so you'll help us throw it Kirsten: (looks from Charlotte to Julie) uhhh, well actually...I told myself id wait a while before I jump back into all that (Julie looks disappointed) you know those Newpsies (laughs) make you wanna drink (Charlotte and Julie look uncomfortable, we hear the kettle whistle, saved by the bell, lol) Kirsten: ahh, excuse me (leaves) (Julie looks at Charlotte) Charlotte: (holds up hand) ill handle this (follows Kirsten) (we now see Kirsten take the kettle off the stove and pour it into the smaller tea pot. Charlotte is watching her) Charlotte: look Kiki you know I am all for you takin your recovery slowly but (shrugs) I'm jus worried about Julie, I mean if she's ever gonna get back on her feet she needs a way back inta society Kirsten: Charlotte I understand but you two don't need me ta throw this Charlotte: (scoffs) of course we do, nobody in this town even knows me an...Julie couldn't get arrested, your name on the invitation would be a huge draw Kirsten: (thinks) I don't know... Charlotte: loo- do it for your friend, she needs you (Julie comes in) Julie: hey (Kirsten looks over) what're you guys talkin about in here Kirsten: uuuh I was jus...telling Charlotte how id love ta help (Kirsten smiles then looks at Charlotte. Charlotte smiles back) Julie: (suprised) really, you would Kirsten: mm-hmm (raises eyebrows) I'm in (Kirsten takes the tea outside. Charlotte looks pleased with herself and raises her eyebrows at Julie. Julie looks happy and suprised) CUT TO: The Beach - we see Johnny, Marissa and Summer walking up to like a beach house. we find out in a second that Dennis lives there, and he's standing there to greet them Dennis: yeah what's up, woooo, welcome to my casa (manly hugs Johnny) hey Summer, c'mon ill give you a little tour, show you my lair Summer: (looks at Dennis) you're a dweeb Marissa: (to Johnny) will you show me where ta drop my stuff (touches Johnny's arm) Johnny: sure, follow me (Summer watches Marissa and Johnny walk off together, she's getting worried) Summer: w-where's his girlfriend Dennis: (looks over) I don't know (more people arrive) hehe Dawn Patrol (points) you know what I'm talkin about (hugs a girl) (Summer is looking more worried - inside Dennis' house we see Johnny leading Marissa) Johnny: so I think this will officially make you the first girl in Chili's room Marissa: what an honour (Marissa follows Johnny in - Summer wanders inside and watches them) Marissa: (laughs) ooooh my god (picks up photo) is this you an Chili Johnny: (grabs the photo) oooh I forgot he had it (holds photo behind his back) Marissa: (tries to take it back) wait let me see that Johnny: no-no-no I'm sorry I cant do that Marissa: c'mon please, that's hysterica (Marissa is still trying to wrestle it off Johnny, Johnny isn't giving up) Johnny: come come on please Marissa: c'mon, you look cute, really (Summer is still watching them) Johnny: no it's not cute, a bowl cut an Power Rangers underwear isn't cute? Marissa: (laughs) yes it is (tries to stop laughing) please I promise, what if I promise I won't laugh (puts hand on mouth) mm-kay (Johnny sighs and shows it to Marissa, Marissa looks and cant help herself, she starts giggling again) Johnny: (takes it away) you lied, you liar! (Marissa still laughing, tries to get it back. she ends up with an arm around Johnny's neck, laughing hard) Johnny: ok, come on, no stop (Summer watches them, really worried now) Marissa: come on Johnny: come on Marissa: please Johnny: stop (Marissa has her hands around Johnny's waist, trying to get the photo which he's holding behind his back, she has both her hands on it) Marissa: stop being so sensitive Johnny: I'm a very sensitive person Marissa: we can laugh about it Johnny: no we cant, no (Summer frowns sadly, still watching them) CUT TO: Harbor school gym - Seth is lying on his back on one of those gymnast horse things. he looks really bored, his cell phone rings and he answers it Seth: hello (we see Summer at Dennis' house talking on her cell phone) Summer: hey it's me Seth: hey (sits up) where are you Summer: I don't know, some guy Chili's house on the end'a Dune road or something (frowns) Seth: ok (gets down) are you not aware the lock in's mandatory Summer: no I don't care about lock in right now, I jus need Ryan ta get here ok, it's an emergency Seth: why, what's the problem Summer: I can't get into it right now but- (Taylor takes Seth's cell phone off of him) Seth: uhhh Taylor: (hangs up) sorry, all cell phones must be surrendered at the door (Seth leans forward as if he wants to choke Taylor, but stops himself. it's hilarious!) Seth: the lock in hasn't even started yet Taylor: yes but your in the gym (Seth looks at her) believe me by making you exist in a world where we don't depend on technology to communicate with one another (points to herself and Seth repeatedly) I'm doing you a very serious favour (touches Seth's arm) (Seth screws up his face and shakes his head at Taylor as she walks away. Ryan walks over) Ryan: what was that about Seth: I don't know, Summer called she said somethin about you gettin ta some guy's house on Dune road right away (shakes head) some emergency Ryan: is it Marissa Seth: I don't know, my cell phone was confiscated (louder) which I do believe is a violation of my civil liberties Ryan: yeah I gotta go (Taylor notices Ryan heading to the doors) Taylor: where do you think your going Ryan Atwood (Ryan looks at her) if your not back here by the time the doors lock at nine pm, you're in very serious trouble (Ryan looks at her, Taylor looks at him smugly) Ryan: yeah I gotta go (leaves) CUT TO: Dawn Patrol Party at Dennis' - we see the range rover driving down a deserted beachy road. we then see Marissa and Johnny inside looking through CD racks together - outside Summer and Dennis are sitting next to each other watching Marissa and Johnny Dennis: I don't get it, why don't you like me Summer: (matter of factly) I'm already dating a dork (looks at Dennis) Dennis: hmm Summer: yeah (nods) Dennis: that kinda gives me inspiration (Summer raises her eyebrows and smiles at Dennis. Dennis grins and pats Summers leg) Dennis: (raises eyebrows) I'm wearin you down (Summer laughs and Dennis walks off - back inside Casey goes over to Johnny and Marissa) Johnny: (smiles) there you are (holds Casey around the waist) Casey: yeah I just needed a little disco nap (Johnny goes to kiss Casey and she pulls away) Johnny: are you ok Casey: yeah I'm fine (Marissa notices the tension. Casey and Johnny look at each other, Casey is clearly not happy) Marissa: ...I'm gonna go get (holds up cup) myself a refil (Casey watches Marissa walk away. Johnny turns Casey's head towards him) Casey: I'm fine, it's ok (Summer watches Casey and Johnny who are a little more affectionate and friendly now that Marissa isn't around) Summer: oooh crap (Summer takes out her cell phone and dials a number, after a few seconds we hear a message Seth: this is Seth its 2005 you know how these things work) Summer: hello, why am I getting your voicemail, Cohen look about Ryan abort mission, I repeat abort mission (Summer looks over and sees Ryan) Summer: or not (hangs up, calls) Atwood (Ryan looks over) hey (Ryan nods and walks over to Summer) Summer: you move quickly Ryan: yeah well Seth said Marissa'was in trouble Summer: oh, yeah, false alarm (nods) you know you should get back ta the lock in you don't wanna miss out on the s'mores Ryan: ah-huh, why'd you call me Summer: well I- (screws up face) (Ryan looks at her) I was jus worried about Johnny an Marissa Ryan: Johnny, you mean uh that Johnny (points) (we see Johnny and Casey still standing together, looking happy and adorable) Ryan: hangin with his girlfriend Johnny Summer: I have a bit of a hair trigger, but you should go before Marissa sees you (of course, Marissa now walks over) Marissa: Ryan, what're you doing here Ryan: I was uh jus checkin up on- Summer: me (Ryan and Marissa look at Summer) Summer: he wanted ta make sure that I had a ride ta the lock in Ryan: (plays along) she's low on gas (Johnny comes over) Johnny: hey Ryan, glad you could make it, c'mere an let me show you where you can get a drink (Marissa looks at Ryan. Ryan looks from Johnny to Summer) Ryan: id love to (Ryan walk off with Johnny, Marissa looks at Summer. Summer forces a smile. its getting close to sunset) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Sandy is there with Matt Ramsey, the young guy from earlier. Kurt is nowhere to be seen :) Sandy: Matt thanks for comin Matt: sure, is there a problem with the sale or Sandy: well I was hopin you could tell me about that...lets talk about your boss Matt: well, he's a brilliant businessman Sandy: but I shouldn't trust him should I (shakes head, opens door for Matt) that handshake, that smile, oh I've met his type before, this town is full of em Matt: this is about the Martinson Complex, isn't it Sandy: (looks at Matt) yes (sits) I need ta know those people won't be displaced Matt: you know id love ta tell you otherwise but...Williams is gonna tear it down, whatever's not makin him a bundle, simple as that Sandy: (impressed) I appreciate your honesty Matt: well unfortunately honesty is not a valued commodity in this business Sandy: well, ta me it is Matt: (thinks) then don't sell ta Williams (Sandy listens) hang onta the company, ill help ya Sandy: (laughs) I don't know about that (raises eyebrows) I'm no business man, an you don't look much older than my son Matt: (sits forward) I'm twenty six, I graduated Magna Cum Laude from Berkeley (this gets Sandy's attention) Sandy: Berkeley Matt: I got my MBA in one year at Kellogg, an the last fourteen months I spent workin under Kurt Williams Sandy: well that's an impressive resume...but there's no substitute for life experience Matt: that's what you'll bring ta the table, me ill ill crunch the numbers ill do all the boring stuff (moves closer to Sandy) look, if you give me this opportunity, I will work my ass off for you, I promise Sandy: (shakes head) I've ben dodgin this business for the last twenty years Matt: think'a the change that you could bring ta this community if you had control over a multi-million dollar company Sandy: well I'm gonna have'ta think about that (nods) you know what that means don't you...I gotta ask my wife Matt: (laughs) course, look all I'm askin for...is a sht...six months (Sandy laughs and looks as though he's seriously considering it) CUT TO: Al Forno - Julie and Charlotte are at a table together discussing their event Charlotte: so I was thinking five grand a person Julie: mm-hmm that sounds fair, we'll have three courses (writes) Charlotte: perfect (also writes) (we hear Charlotte's cell phone ring. she takes it out and looks at who is calling) Charlotte: oh, one sec it's my dad again (answers, leaves table) hello Waiter: (puts bill down) did you need anything else Julie: uh (looks at bill) can you hang on a sec, my friend is treating (smiles) (the waiter stands there) Julie: actually (holds up finger) just a sec here um (Julie grabs Charlottes bag and pulls out a whole stack of cards, she looks through them) Julie: (frowns) let's see I'm not sure which one of these she might wanna use (we see Julie flicking through the different cards. the first one says California driver license Newport Beach etc, the second says New York State driver license, underneath those are 5 different VERSA credit cards, the first has Charlotte Morgan, the second has Kim Dropik, the third has Jennifer Donner, the fourth has Claire Schmitz and the last one has Michelle Simmons. Julie frowns then puts them all back in the bag) Julie: you know, why don't I just give you cash (smiles) (Julie puts cash down on the bill and the waiter happily takes it. she then looks as though she's thinking, she also puts Charlotte's bag back where it was) CUT TO: Dawn Patrol party at Dennis' - we see couples making out and dancing, and drinks being poured - we then see Marissa and Ryan outside together, it's now dark Ryan: so look I just want you ta know I'm-I'm only here cause Summer called me Marissa: you sure your not here because your freaked out about me an Johnny (raises eyebrows) Ryan: well I wasn't, but I'm starting ta think I should be...what's goin on with you guys Marissa: I...I don't know I just (shrugs) I can talk ta him Ryan: about what Marissa: (thinks) about...about...Trey (frowns) I guess Ryan: (almost hurt) you can't talk ta me about it Marissa: I try (shrugs) I mean I tried the other night Ryan: at four in the morning (raises eyebrows) Marissa: yeah an you told me ta go back ta sleep (Ryan looks at her) I mean it's like you wanna pretend it didn't even happen Ryan: yeah well what'do you want me ta do...I mean I can't fix this, I can't make it go away (Marissa looks away. Summer walks over) Summer: hey, hows it goin Ryan: great, look I gotta get ta the lock in Marissa: (looks at Ryan) ok, see ya (walks away) (Ryan raises his eyebrows and leaves) Summer: guys CUT TO: Harbor School gym - Seth is on a pay phone, we hear the ringing Ryan: hello Seth: hey Ryan where are you, where's Summer, you guys gotta get over here (we see that Ryan is still at Dennis') Ryan: I'm leavin, ill see you in a minute Seth: ok, well hurry up alright, I'm freakin out right now I'm...usin a pay phone an (shakes head) god knows what ancient strand'a lip herpes I'm contracting Ryan: that's disgusting, ill be there as soon as possible (hangs up) (Summer is following behind Ryan) Summer: Atwood (Ryan looks) wait up, I'm sorry I over reacted, I meddled, oh my god I'm Seth (closes eyes) Ryan: (smiles) its ok Summer: look I jus get nervous that we're gonna lose her, you know (Ryan understands) I cannot sleep tonight if you guys don't make up (begging) will you please jus go back in there an talk ta her (Ryan nods and smiles - inside Marissa is sitting on the couch with a couple making out beside her. Johnny sits down next to her) Johnny: where's Ryan Marissa: he's gone, we had an argument Johnny: you should call him (Marissa looks at him) you'll feel better if you talk to him Marissa: well is there somewhere I could go, somewhere quiet Johnny: yeah, come with me (Johnny and Marissa get up and head towards Dennis' room) Johnny: you can use Chili's room (opens door) (we see a guy and girl getting very hot and heavy on the bed. after a few seconds we see that it's Casey and the guy is Volchok from earlier. Casey is in her bra and Volchock is topless) Casey: Johnny (Johnny and Marissa look at them. Johnny is stunned. Casey quickly gets off the bed and pulls her pants up (they aren't down much) Volchok looks pleased with himself. Marissa looks as though she feels bad for Johnny. Casey does up her pants and runs out of the room passed Johnny and Marissa. Volchok goes over to Johnny) Volchok: you get my sponsorship (hits Johnny on the arm) I got your girl, seems fair ta me (to Marissa) how you doin, good (Marissa screws up her face at Volchok. as Volchok leaves we see Summer and Ryan standing there. Marissa puts her hand on Johnny's back - we now see Dennis, Ryan, Johnny, Marissa and Summer together. I think the party is over cause it's just them, and there's no music or anything anymore. Johnny and Marissa are sitting on the couch together) Dennis: I'm gonna kick Volchok's ass man, I mean I know the dudes crazy an he could probably break me with his bare hands but you know what, its worth it Marissa: (rubs Johnny's back) hey are you ok (Johnny doesn't say anything. Ryan looks down) Dennis: I know where he is too, by the dunes you know he's there with his (mocking) bros Summer: Johnny look if we can do anything jus let us know ok Johnny: (softly) thanks guys...I think I jus need ta be alone (Johnny grabs two beer bottles and goes into another room. Marissa mouths something to Summer, then we hear a knock at the door) Marissa: ill get it (Marissa gets up and goes to the door. its Casey) Marissa: (opens door) Casey Casey: is he here (looks) Marissa: yeah sure Casey: look jus so you know I'm not a terrible person (shakes head) (Marissa goes outside and closes the door behind her) Casey: (upset) I could just...see where all this was headed Marissa: (Frowns) what'do you mean Casey: the way he's ben looking at you...all your long secret talks Marissa: it's not even like that Casey: wake up Marissa (frowns) you may not know it yet but...he's falling in love with you an...I'm not gonna sit around an watch that happen (Marissa looks at Casey, frowning) Dennis: (off screen) Johnny's gone (Marissa and Casey go back inside) Dennis: he went after Volchok (Marissa looks at Casey, they both look worried) CUT TO: the front of Al Fornos - Charlotte and Julie are walking Charlotte: so you wanna stop an get a movie on the way home Julie: sounds good...just answer me one teensy question...who the hell are you (looks at Charlotte) (Charlotte looks at Julie, Julie glares at Charlotte) Charlotte: (laughs) what Julie: you heard me, I just saw what's in your purse, what like half'a dozen credit cards all with different names Charlotte: (looks at Julie) I think you an I have got a little misunderstanding Julie: please (closes eyes) there is not a lie in the world I haven't heard or told so just give it to me straight, it'll save us alot of time Charlotte: (nods, raises eyebrows) I was never gonna hurt you Julie Julie: right, you were just gonna scam me inta throwing a fake charity an leave me ta pick up the pieces so you could skip town Charlotte: (thinks) well what if you help me Julie: are you drinking again Charlotte: just hear me out, we raise a couple hundred grand, we split it then I disappear, your rich again an everybody in town sleeps better because they think they've helped a good cause (Julie looks at her, Charlotte looks at Julie) Julie: I'm not a criminal (walks away) Charlotte: you haven't had ta be yet (Julie stops) have you given any thought ta how your gonna support your family, I mean you don't have a man (shrugs) ta bail you out this time Julie (Julie looks at her) if your smart you'll take matters inta your own hands (Julie stands there thinking, Charlotte walks passed her) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten and Sandy are in there together, they have just finished a candle lit dinner and are clearing up the plates Kirsten: I thought you loathed corporate America Sandy: oh I do, I loathe it all, greed, republicans, navy suits Kirsten: (frowns) so why are you considering this Sandy: well after your father died I basically shut down my law practice so I could be with the Newport Group, an this might be a way ta make it all mean somethin, your work an mine Kirsten: well, if this is something that you want (looks at Sandy) you know ill support you Sandy: well what about you...if my takin over the company thrat any of the progress you've made (shakes head) Kirsten: I'm outt'a the woods now...its time for you ta get back ta making yourself happy (raises eyebrows) (Sandy looks at Kirsten, Kirsten smiles) CUT TO: Harbor School gym - Taylor is trying to get everyone organised Taylor: ok um if we could just um (motions) move it over ta the bleachers that would be great, great, everyone um can you-can you make your way over ta the bleachers, please yes everyone (Seth walks over) Seth: hey Taylor, Taylor (Taylor looks at him) hows it goin, so far this lock in (claps) it's awesome Taylor: not happening Seth Seth: (plays dumb) what, what's not happening Taylor: your kissing my ass so ill sign in Ryan an Summer Seth: no-no-no but actually, it turns out they got held up so if you could just uh cut them some slack that'd be great Taylor: Seth what I am doing here (dramatic pause) is creating an atmosphere of trust (Seth looks at her, barely following) now if I give your friends preferential treatment well then I've muddled the message haven't I Seth: (frowns, lost) what Taylor: now those doors (points) are gonna lock in twenty minutes, an if Ryan an Summer aren't here (shrugs) you can't save people Seth, they need ta save 'emselves (points) Seth: thankyou for your help... Taylor: go sit down (motions) go ahead (Seth reluctantly heads over to the bleachers) Taylor: (into mic) ok everybody, hi, so um lock in hasn't officially started yet but hey (smiles) we can still start the fun right (puts hand in air) whooo (laughs) who's in the mood for trust falls (in the crowd we hear someone yell "nobody") Taylor: so if you could...each find a buddy...preferably someone who you don't know very well (points) or even someone of a different race Geek: you're a loser (everyone laughs. Taylor looks at Seth. Seth looks down) Taylor: um... (Seth shakes his head and walks over to Taylor) Taylor: um... (Seth goes to take the mic, Taylor moves it away. in the crowd he were "sit down Seth") Taylor: (whispers) what're you doing up here Seth: I am going ta help you Taylor: I don't-I don't need your help, get off my stage Seth: ok-ok-ok (moves away) Taylor: ok um well maybe we'll just work up ta trust falls (Seth watches) why don't we turn ta the person next to us and tell them something about ourselves that um they may not already know Geek: Taylor - Townsend - SUCKS (somebody in the bleachers throws a shoe at Taylor, it barely misses her. everyone laughs. Seth walks back over) Seth: gotta watch out for those (takes mic) uhhh hi everybody my name is Seth Cohen, of the west coast Cohen's an I was feeling like we should all play a delicious game of capture the flag (we hear "bite me" from the crowd. Taylor watches Seth taking the hostility for her) Seth: now I should warn all of you I'm very talented at this game, yeah I was all camp capture the flag camp Takaho so Geek: you were all geek at camp geek (everyone laughs and another shoe is thrown. Seth dodges it) Taylor: (whispers) Seth, why are you doing this Seth: I can take it, I'm use to it (from the crowd we hear "Seth Cohen's a tool") Taylor: (whispers) thankyou Seth: (into mic) now listen (nods at Taylor) everyone to my right, your gonna be the red team, everyone to my left your gonna be the blue team (Taylor watches Seth, almost admiringly) CUT	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x06 - The Swells"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - The Diner, we can hear Summers voice but we can't yet see her. the camera pans to show Seth, Summer, Ryan and Marissa sitting in a booth together Summer: look I'm sorry, that movie sucked Seth: Master Of The Flying Guillotine Summer: yes Seth: It's a classic of the genre, that's like the Madame Bovary of martial arts cinema Marissa: (frowns, points) oh wait the flying guillotine was that the spiky hat thing he threw Ryan: yeah, dude I'm sorry but that-that was kinda weak Seth: (looks at Ryan) head? too Ryan (Ryan shakes head) Summer: god it didn't even make sense, why was he going after the one armed boxer (sympathises) poor guy Seth: ah revenge, it's a tale as old as time Ryan: maybe the girls should pick the movie next time (smiles) what'do you say huh Marissa: (touched) aww Summer: yes Seth: uh do I have'ta remind you about the Bring It On phase (Summer looks at him) Ryan: what Summer: now that (points) is an awesome movie (Ryan and Marissa also point) Marissa and Summer at the same time: (sings, dances) I'm sexy, I'm cute I'm popular to boot I said I'm bitchin great hair (Marissa stops singing when she sees something) Summer: (continues) the boys all love to stare, I'm wanted I'm hot- (we see what Marissa saw which is Volchok and his "bros" entering the diner) Marissa: (softly) Summer (Summer stops singing and looks over, Ryan looks over as well) Volchok: now what is that, ten ta one our boys hang out at that candy ass diner on the pier (grabs a chair and sits on the end of the table) that's what I love about you rich kids, so predictable Ryan: what'do you want Volchok: (looks at Ryan) I gotta spell it out for ya, I want a rematch (Ryan shakes his head) somewhere private jus me kickin your ass (Marissa looks at Ryan) Ryan: I'm not lookin for trouble (looks at Volchok matter of factly) Volchok: maybe you should'a thought'a that before jumpin me the other night Summer: (frowns) what like you didn't start it by (Volchok looks at her) hookin up with someone else's girlfriend Seth: good point (Volchok's "bros" stare at Seth, intimidatingly) Seth: or that's unnecessary continuity...either or Marissa: look guys this is so stupid Ryan: (shakes head) look I got nothin against you Volchok: well that's too bad, cause me an you (leans forward) we got unfinished business (hits Ryan on the shoulder) (Volchok points, smiles and winks as he walks away) Seth: (small wave) see ya guys (Marissa looks at Ryan out of the corner of her eye. Ryan is looking in the direction of the door) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Cohen kitchen - Kirsten is sitting at the table working on the fundraiser and Sandy comes in holding three different ties Sandy: hey baby (Kirsten turns around) I need your opinion, which of these screams real estate mogul with a heart'a gold Kirsten: the blue (turns back) Sandy: insensitive, street smart man of talent...an mystery Kirsten: (nods, smiles) the blue Sandy: alright, blue it is Kirsten: Sandy, your gonna do great, the Newport Groups lucky to have you (smiles adoringly) Sandy: well, I jus wanna make a good impression on my first day, hey how's that-that charity thing comin Kirsten: oh it's coming, I've (raises eyebrows) just never thrown together something so quickly Sandy: (putting on tie) I hope Julie an Charlotte aren't out gettin mystics while your doin all the work Kirsten: don't worry, there working, there busy with the foundation, oh, good question (looks at Sandy) booze or no booze Sandy: ooo, tough call (thinks) a fundraiser for poor women with substance abuse problems Kirsten: I know it's gonna be weird if people are drinking Sandy: yeah, then again people're alot more generous when they've had a couple'a shts under their belt same time: Sandy: booze Kirsten: booze (nods) (Seth and Ryan both come into the kitchen at opposite ends) Ryan: morning Kirsten: oh hey boys, on Sunday I would love some help with the party Seth: Sunday...Sunday, yeah It's gonna be tough (frowns) it's gonna be tough Ryan: (looks from Seth to Kirsten) yeah, no problem Kirsten: thanks Ryan (smiles) (Ryan looks at Seth, Seth gives him a "suck up" look back) Kirsten: uh well I should get going, I have'ta meet Charlotte an Julie at the club (Kirsten leaves the kitchen. Sandy grabs his jacket) Sandy: hey, what is so incredibly pressing on a Sunday Seth: uh it's the Sabbath dad, It's the day'a rest you know, I don't make the rules (kisses his fingers and points up dramatically) talk to the big guy Ryan: I thought...the Sabbath was Saturday (looks at Seth) Sandy: listen'a me, this is the first public thing your mother has done since rehab so we are gonna do everything in our power to make it a success, understood (Seth nods) (Kirsten comes back in) Seth: mom listen Sunday I'm gonna be there ok (points) provided I don't get struck down by a lightening bolt (nods) Kirsten: aww thanks Seth that means alot (Seth mouths something while he's looking up, I think its "I'm sorry") Sandy: such generosity (hits Seth on the back) Seth: oh there goes the back (Sandy smiles) no ill be alright, ill be fine I can probably lift stuff CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer is painting her fingernails and Marissa is getting organised for school Marissa: I just feel responsible, I mean if I hadn't introduced Ryan to Johnny in the first place then he never would've gotten in a fight with that jerk Summer: yeah well if you wanna blame someone why not Casey (looks at Marissa) for hookin up with the Surf-nzi to begin with Marissa: I know, I still can't believe she did that (raises eyebrows) Summer: yeah well she had her reasons Marissa: Summer Summer: I'm sorry (looks at Marissa) have you asked him yet Marissa: right ill just say hey Johnny (raises eyebrows) Casey thinks your in love with me, an then best case scenario he says no an our relationship is totally weird if not ruined Summer: mm but what if he is (raises eyebrows) Marissa: then our friendship is totally weird if not ruined (sighs) he hasn't done anything to make me think that...so, excuse me for not believing his psycho girlfriend Summer: hmm (nods) ex-girlfriend, yeah he's single now remember Marissa: (not amused) ill see ya later (leaves) Summer: mm-hmm CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Seth are getting out the range rover Seth: dude, all I'm sayin is you just got back inta Harbor ok (shuts door) you do not wanna go back to the wasteland of home schooling Ryan: and I told ya I'm not gonna fight him Seth: yeah I hear ya an I wanna believe ya but I also know Kid Chino, sometimes when his backs up against a wall his fists of fury Ryan: Kid Chino is retired, he hung up the hoody so just relax alright (touches Seth's arm) (Taylor comes up behind them) Taylor: (calls) Seth Seth: ah-huh (turns around) uuuuuuh hey Taylor how's it goin Taylor: uh it's goin great (Ryan waves but Taylor is oblivious to him) Taylor: um I cannot tell you how many people have come up an told me how awesome they thought lock in was Seth: oh Taylor: you know what every single one mentions capture the flag (smiles, laughs) (to Ryan) did you know he was all camp Takaho Ryan: he might'a mentioned it Seth: told you it'd be fun Taylor: it was, it was an it was-it was all because of you too (Seth looks at her) (to Ryan) he-he took the lead in everything I mean with the-the trust falls an the s'more making an share time (touches Seth's arm) your story about Captain Oats (touches her chest, moved) Seth: oh (to Ryan) yeah we had'ta-we had'a tell a story about our best friend growin up (Ryan nods) Taylor: (laughs) an it was so incentive of those guys to laugh too, cause your story wasn't nearly as lame as Derrick Simmons befriending the deaf kid (we see a close up of Seth's shocked face) Taylor: but Seth I...wanted to ask you um (stops in front of Seth) what'do you think about planning the Christmas Dance together Seth: (frowns) the Christmas Dance you an me Taylor: (nods) we made such a good team (smiles flirtatiously) (Ryan looks at Seth and raises his eyebrows) Seth: oh wow, yeah well that (scratches neck) you should talk to Summer (nods) Taylor: (laughs) your girlfriend... Seth: (nods, points) mm-hmm Taylor: ...Summer Seth: yeah because she did like a fantastic job with the last one an I jus think that you guys would-would (brings hands together, points) there she is right over there so she's you can-you can talk to her about it yourself (we see Summer heading towards them) Taylor: (annoyed) ok, forget it, I gotta go (walks away) (Summer is walking towards them with her arms folded) Ryan: ooooooo boy you got trouble Seth: what, what're you talking about Ryan: your in trouble (raises eyebrows) Seth: what, I was nice to her so that's what that's what that was about- Ryan: keep-keep tellin yourself that yeah (nods) sure right (Summer stands there and looks at Seth, not happy) Seth: hey Summer: (hits Seth) what were you doing talking to her, did you forget that she didn't let me inta the lock in, I totally bruised my hand pounding on that door Seth: she probably didn't know it was you Summer: no, she knew it was me she just didn't wanna let me in Ryan: hm, wonder why (walks away) Summer: (frowns) what Seth: (takes Summers hand) I don't know Summer: what's that spose'ta mean CUT TO: Yacht Club - Kirsten, Julie and Charlotte are sitting at a table together Kirsten: we should take out half these tables so we can have more flow Julie: we should also talk to them about the music, the last event I did here they had us on a Kenny G loop Charlotte: can I just tell you how excited I am (smiles) (Julie looks at her) this is gonna be so wonderful Kirsten: I'm so glad you suggested it (smiles) (Julie smiles at Charlotte. Charlotte smiles at Julie and Kirsten) Kirsten: oh there's the manager, I'm gonna find out what time we can be here on Sunday an set up (stands) Julie: so where are we Charlotte: (almost proudly) hundred an thirty RSVP's at five thousand a head, that's over six hundred thousand dollars (we see a sht of Kirsten who is in the background talking with the manager) Julie: (stunned) three hundred thousand a piece Charlotte: mm-hmm Julie: ...tell me again I have'ta do this Charlotte: (looks at Julie) Julie you have two daughters, no husband an no money, you're about to get three-hundred-thousand-dollars (raises eyebrows) Julie: oh yeah, I'm totally doing this (smiles) (Charlotte smiles back at Julie. Kirsten comes back over) Kirsten: he says we can be here at eight (smiles) (Julie smiles) CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan is at his locker and Taylor is standing there when he shuts the door Taylor: Ryan, hi Ryan: hey (starts walking) Taylor: going this way Ryan: (looks at Taylor) yeah Taylor: so you're like Seth's best friend right Ryan: don't tell Captain Oats Taylor: that's funny, I didn't know that you were funny, so Seth an Summer seem happy, I mean I know they-they had that trouble last year but um...they seem sab wouldn't you say that they're sab Ryan: ah-huh (moves head side to side) Taylor: of course though I mean look at Brad an Jen (Ryan frowns) everybody thought that they were sab but nobody knew how un happy Brad was, that he was just waiting for Angelina ta come an rescue him Ryan: they're sab Taylor: (stops in front of Ryan) how sab, one to ten Ryan: uhhh excuse me (frowns) Taylor: on a scale of one to ten Ryan: right Taylor: how sab are they, six...six point five... Ryan: ten (moves head on the side) Taylor: (softly) ten, huh, sucks for Angelina (Ryan raises his eyebrows then frowns) Taylor: then again...things happen, don't they (Ryan half laughs) I bet Brad an Jen use'ta be a ten (smiles) Ryan: hmm Taylor: (walks away) oh bye (Ryan does a small wave, he looks confused as to what just happened, lol, poor guy!) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Sandy and Matt are standing together in front of all the employees. Sandy is making a speech Sandy: I wanted to welcome you all on our first day (turns to Matt) Matt have you had a chance to meet everyone Matt: not yet (waves) Matt Ramsey Sandy: I wanted to go over what's changed, The Newport Group will still develop residential an commercial properties, with this alteration, one quarter of all our new housing projects will be low income, we are not just catering to the mansion crowd anymore Matt: though we do need their money ta stay in business Sandy: an the other thing that's changed (looks at Matt) is us, Matt will be a Vice President and director of development (Matt nods) which will leave me as President and CEO, and despite the fact that I've watched my lovely wife do this job for the past fifteen years I'm new at this, an I'm gonna need your help (Matt claps and everybody else joins in, including Sandy) Sandy: well stop millin around an get back to work (smiles) (everyone laughs) thankyou everybody (we hear "thankyou" from the employees as they leave. Sandy sits behind his desk and sighs) Matt: nice speech Sandy: that's nothin, catch me with a microphone in my hand (points) you should try to meet everyone, they'd appreciate it Matt: (raises eyebrows) oh yeah, hi, Matt Ramsey, good to meet ya...your fired Sandy: so I take it your meeting with the accountant yesterday didn't go so well Matt: (frowns) the word unsustainable was used...alot (Sandy nods) we have'ta lose nine people Sandy: nine that's a little extreme Matt: well (shrugs) you have'ta look at the numbers Sandy: for now we sit tight, we're here one day, the first order of business is not going to be fring half the staff Matt: alright, your the boss (Sandy looks down) (sighs, looks at watch) I have a meeting about the zoning on Crest Mont uh let me know what you come up with (Sandy nods, frowning. Matt leaves) CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa and Dennis are walking together near the lockers Marissa: I'm only telling you so you can be on the look out ok cause this guys crazy Dennis: k gotcha, ill be on amber alert Marissa: oh an don't tell Johnny he might do something stupid Dennis: hey say no more, it'll be our little secret Marissa: ok (nods) Dennis: (stops in front of Marissa) maybe sharing that secret maybe brings us closer together creates a bond (raises eyebrows) we'll roll with that too Marissa: (looks at Dennis) ah-huh jus don't tell Johnny ok (Johnny is standing near them) Johnny: tell me what Dennis: Johnny (nods) Marissa: hey (smiles, looks at Dennis) how are you Johnny: (looks at Marissa) good, tell me what Dennis: um no offence man this is kinda jus between me an Marissa Johnny: (looks from Dennis to Marissa) its Volchok isn't it...what'd he do Marissa: nothing Johnny: Chili (Marissa looks at Dennis) Dennis: come on man you guys are tearing me apart here Marissa: oook look he tried to get Ryan to fight him, but nothing happened so (Johnny starts walking away, clearly wanting to take care of Volchok himself) Marissa: uh hold these (gives Dennis her books then runs after Johnny) Johnny wait (grabs Johnny's bag) Johnny Johnny: look this isn't Ryan's fight Marissa: so what're you gonna do, go knock on this guys door an say hey fight me instead Johnny: I'm not gonna sit back an let your boyfriend take the heat for my problem Marissa: I'm not letting either of you guys get in a fight Johnny: Marissa that's not the point Marissa: (upset) what is it with you two (Johnny looks at her) I'm so sick of this Johnny: Ryan has nothing to do with this Marissa: you know what, its fine, whatever (walks away) jus do whatever you want Johnny: hey (Marissa looks at him) (sighs) ok...I won't fight him Marissa: ...seriously Johnny: (sighs) fightin a guy is one thing, but almost upsetting a lady, I'm a total coward (half smiles) you win (Marissa looks at Johnny. the bell goes) Marissa: look we better get to class (Marissa walks off and Johnny watches her for a few seconds before following) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Ryan are coming down the stairs outside, heading towards the parking lot Seth: I'm serious, d'you have any idea what Summer'll do if she finds out Ryan: yeah I could imagine Seth: I have'ta tell Taylor it's not gonna happen...even if I didn't love Summer (Ryan looks at him) her an I we're totally incompatible seeing as how she's crazy an I'm not Ryan: well I thought you said she wasn't that bad Seth: Taylor Townsend Ryan: yeah Seth: in fourth grade she campaigned against makin the school handicap accessible, she said it was reverse Darwinism (Ryan smiles) besides who who wants Dean Hess' seconds Ryan: (smiles) true? Seth: oh look there's a picnic on our car (we see that Volchok and his "bros" are sitting on the hood of the range rover. Seth and Ryan stand in front of them) Volchok: oh its you guys, finally Ryan: (sighs) Seth get security Seth: (frowns) ok well maybe we'll go-go get em together Volchok: mm security (shrugs) we're jus talkin, I mean nothins gonna ha- (Volchok purposely tipped his drink over the car. Ryan watches, suprisingly calm, he just bites his lip) Volchok: oh Seth: It's alright, that's jus a little soap an Ryan: (matter of factly) I'm not gonna fight you Volchok: (to one of his bros) did you hear that, rich boy doesn't wanna get his hands dirty, well is your butler around maybe he'll fight me (Ryan looks slightly pissed off. Seth touches Ryan's arm to stop him from getting any closer) Seth: I got it, we're all strangers ok so lets take a step back for a second (puts up hand) I'm Seth, I like comic books (points) you obviously like uh flaming hot tattoos (Volchok gets off the car) Volchok: (points) I think you do got it in ya (Ryan looks at him) in fact I think your just itchin ta throw down...I jus gotta find the key (Ryan looks out of the corner of his eye) oh oh (holds up keys) oooh look what I found (Ryan looks at Volchok then looks away. Volchok takes the key and starts keying the range rover. Ryan and Seth, along with a crowd that has gathered watch him. Seth frowns, Volchok watches Ryan as he does it. we hear the high pitched squeal as the key leaves a trail in the paint work. Seth screws up his face. Ryan isn't phased, but we see a close up of his hand which he clenches into a fist, we can even see the bulging vein, eww. Volchok smiles as he continues keying) Volchok: but you know what I just realised there, she doesn't have a name...I'm gonna call her (looks at Ryan) little bitch (we see a close up of Volchok with the keys. he makes an L then an I. we then see Ryan unclench his fist and he starts to walk away, Seth follows him) Seth: jus keep walking Volchok: (calls) this aint over (Volchok watches Ryan and Seth with his arms folded) CUT TO: Cohen backyard, next morning - Ryan comes out of the pool house with tools in his hand. Marissa walks over Ryan: hey Marissa: hey Ryan: (frowns) were...we havin breakfast this morning Marissa: so Summer told me what happened yesterday with Volchok Ryan: aaah yes Seth kept a secret a whole twelve hours must be a record (looks at Marissa) yeah you know I jus I didn't wanna worry you Marissa: well I'm proud of you for not fighting, I know it must'a been hard (raises eyebrows) Ryan: yeah you have no idea (sighs) guys a total jack ass Marissa: (picks up tool) what're you doing (Ryan looks at her) what're all these tools for Ryan: you wanna see (takes Marissa's hand) come on, jus don't overreact (Ryan leads Marissa to the pool house. we see that there is now a punching bag suspended from the ceiling) Marissa: a punching bag Ryan: yeah (nods) Sandy had it in the garage, said I could use it Marissa: sooo (raises eyebrows) you could train to fight him (looks at Ryan, frowning) Ryan: no I'm not gonna fight him, I didn't yesterday remember Marissa: then what's it for (looks at Ryan) Ryan: ...therapy Marissa: (walks in, raises eyebrows) ok, I just don't want them fighting (sits on the bed) Johnny wanted to go after Volchok again but I talked him out of it Ryan: how's he doing Marissa: you mean about Casey (frowns) well she really hurt him Ryan: well Seth's goin to the Bait Shop tonight why don't you invite Johnny (Marissa nods) take his mind off things Marissa: sure (Ryan nods) now what about breakfast (grins) Ryan: definitely, definitely, ill meet you inside (helps Marissa up) I gotta clean up Marissa: ok (kisses Ryan's cheek) Ryan: alright (Marissa leaves and Ryan heads over to the punching bag, he lifts up a hammer and a piece of material is sitting underneath it. he looks at the punching bag next to him and then wraps the material around his knuckles on the right hand. he hits the punching bag once, hard and then leaves the pool house, with the punching bag swinging back and forth) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Kirsten is on the phone. Sandy comes in Kirsten: you can't deliver at four, by the time the guests arrive they'll be pudding an I can't have pudding (looks at Sandy) six'll be fine...thankyou (hangs up) Sandy: aah sweet charity (smiles) Kirsten: I am here by calling the next three hours Kirsten time, I am going to the gym (closes eyes) I am getting my nails done (smiles) an everything else can wait Sandy: good for you Kirsten: you left early this morning (kisses Sandy) Sandy: mm Kirsten: mm Sandy: yeah, you know nothin like a little Dawn Patrol to clear your head Kirsten: is everything ok, I was so busy yesterday I forgot to ask how your first day went Sandy: oh it's good it's good its (frowns) uh you know just um...just alot Kirsten: well you can always come ta me with questions Sandy: thanks, you go have your Kirsten time (Sandy looks worried and stressed) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Seth is on the bed reading and we hear a knock on the door Seth: come in (Taylor walks in. Seth looks over) Taylor: hi Seth Seth: Taylor, hey (stands) what-what're you doin here Taylor: oh your mom let me in, she seems really really nice (Seth looks at his door in disbelief) wow your room is really cute, look can we talk Seth: (frowns, points) yeah ok but before you say anything- Taylor: I like you Seth: (looks down) ah boy (uncomfortable smile) Taylor: (nods) I know I its it totally suprised me too because I don't usually go for the R. Crumb type but (Seth looks at Taylor, frowning) the heart has its own logic Seth: (nods) mm, hmm yeah well I'm with Summer though so Taylor: I heard you were breaking up Seth: (shocked) what who said that Taylor: I made it up (smiles, head on the side) (Seth shakes his head) but what did you feel...when you heard it, relief Seth: no...listen Taylor even if I was single uhhh sss I'm not so sure that you an I would make a great match I mean Taylor: is that a Yakuza Prep poster (we see a close up of the poster on Seth's wall. it has YAKUZA PREP in big yellow writing and above that in white it has Who Will Graduate?. there is a girl in a school uniform holding a wapon of some sort, we can only see her from the back) Seth: yeah it's just this Japanese film about these prep school kids who- Taylor: (nods) yeah yeah it's like my favourite movie of all time (Seth looks suprised) (laughs) I think Kenja Yamamoto was a genius Seth: (shocked) really Taylor: yes Seth: have you seen his Samurai Assassination series Taylor: Battles At The Edge Of Hell, I own the Criterion Collection Seth: oh my god, d'you like comic books Taylor: comics are geek whacking material (smiles) (Seth looks at her) but look Seth (sits) I mean it's obvious that we are soul mates...all you have'ta do is break up with Summer Seth: (frowns) right well I'm not gonna be able ta...do that so Taylor: I see (Seth's phone rings) Seth: excuse me (while Seth goes to answer the phone Taylor notices Captain Oats sitting beside the bed) Seth: hello (Summer is in her room on the phone) Summer: hey, what time do we have'ta be there tonight (while Seth is talking Taylor puts Captain Oats into her bag) Seth: yeah I think we-we should be at the Bait Shop by like eight Taylor: (stands) ill see you later Seth (leaves) (Seth looks at Taylor with his mouth wide open) Summer: (frowns) who was that, that sounded like a girl Seth: did it be- yeah, well, sure because i I'm listening to the radio an this American life is on an so there was a girl talking Summer: oh, is that that show by those hipster know it alls who talk about how fascinating ordinary people are, ugh (rolls eyes) god Seth: ah-huh, yeah yeah (smiles) CUT TO: The yacht club - Charlotte is there and on the phone Charlotte: so'd you get the tickets (we see Glen on the phone, while packing) Glen: yep, San Juan Puerto Rico, where your ill gotten dollar goes further, how's your roomy holdin up Charlotte: oh she still thinks she's gettin half the money an a free condo Glen: wow, you almost feel bad for her Charlotte: yeah, almost, ill see you tomorrow night (hangs up) (Charlotte walks over to join Julie and Kirsten who are sitting at the bar) Julie: (worried) I jus don't think we should sign Charlotte: hey, what's the matter Kirsten: oh they want us to sign a liability agreement Julie: but then you'd be responsible Kirsten: I'm happy to do it Charlotte: what could happen Kirsten: (signs) exactly (Julie looks at Charlotte then down at the form) Kirsten: there, it's done, I'm gonna give this to the manager (Kirsten walks away. Julie glares at Charlotte) Charlotte: its if somebody stubs a toe, it doesn't mean anything Julie: I know I'm just...nervous Charlotte: look as soon as I skip town everybody is gonna blame me (Julie looks at her) your gonna be fine Julie: (softly) an what about Kirsten Charlotte: well she is gonna be very hurt (nods) an she's gonna need her best friend (raises eyebrows) Julie: right... (Julie looks over at Kirsten who is talking with the manager. Kirsten looks over and smiles at Julie, Julie smiles back. Kirsten looks back at the manager and then Julies smile goes and she looks worried) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Sandy is in his office and Matt knocks and goes in Matt: you wanted to see me Sandy: yeah, I spent the morning with our accountant going over the numbers an your right, in order for this company to be...as strong as possible we have'ta lose nine people Matt: for once I wish I was wrong Sandy: but I'm still not doin it (Matt looks at him) I came up with a plan (grabs paper) we restructure our loans, eliminate the perks, cut my salary by thirty percent...we let four people go, it'll get us by Matt: (reads) but this-this leaves us no margin, if one deal goes down Sandy: (raises eyebrows) then we go down, but as long as I'm running this company, that's how we're gonna do it (Sandy sits back down. Matt nods) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - on stage we see the Subways performing Rock & Roll Queen, after a few seconds of the band we see Marissa and Johnny watching, Ryan and Summer are also there but we can't see them yet Marissa: hey, it was not a pity invite ok (Johnny looks at Marissa, unconvinced) Marissa: (hits Ryan) tell him Ryan: (looks) yeah no we uh we-we thought you might like to see the band (Summer smiles) Johnny: right, so you weren't worried id be home alone all weekend thinkin about Casey same time: Marissa: (scoffs) nooooo no Ryan: (waves it off) what, that's crazy Marissa: no but seriously what're you doing tomorrow because my moms having a fundraiser Ryan: yeah if you wanna, Seth an I could use your help settin up Summer: yeah well if there counting on Seth they definitely need your help Johnny: wow, you guys are so not subtle (Ryan and Marissa looks at him) but I appreciate it, thanks (we now see Seth trying to buy drinks at bar. poor guy, it's like old times) Seth: hey ok buddy (the bar tender walks away) Seth: (hits bar, frustrated) c'mon- I use'ta work here (Taylor comes up behind Seth) Taylor: hello Seth Seth: (looks) Taylor...hey Taylor: is Summer here Seth: (looks at Taylor) ok look I love Summer, I always have now while you an I may share an appreciation for ultra violent Asian cinema (Summer comes up) there is no way Summer: what's goin on (Taylor looks at Summer. Summer looks at Taylor then Seth. Seth looks at Summer) Seth: tell me you just heard what I was saying Taylor: hi Summer, you look really cute Summer: I know, but more importantly why are you always talking to my boyfriend (Taylor just blinks) Seth: (tries to explain) she likes Yakuza...nevermind (Summer glares at him) Taylor: well maybe I should just get going (goes to walk away, stops) oh oh um I almost forgot (pulls out Captain Oats) here (Summer watches unimpressed as Taylor hands Captain Oats to a confused Seth) Taylor: thanks for letting me borrow him (Seth frowns) (touches chest) really means alot ta me that you trust me (Seth looks at Taylor, shocked. Summer looks from Seth to Taylor) Taylor: bye (walks away) Summer: (hits Seth) you let her borrow Captain Oats Seth: I didn't let her borrow anything, she must've taken it from me when she was in my room Summer: (frowns, more upset) when was she in your room (Seth doesn't answer) (realises) wait that was her when I was on the phone the- ...something happened at the lock in (Seth shakes his head enthusiastically) you are such a jerk (hits Seth, walks away) Seth: (follows) Summer wait...Summer (we see Seth walking away and Captain Oats sitting on the bar where Seth left him. Seth realises then runs back and quickly grabs Captain Oats. Taylor smiles, pleased with herself. we then see a little more of the band. we see Ryan looking up towards the entrance as Summer then Seth walk out, he then looks over at the bar and sees one of Volchok's bros talking to the bar tender. Ryan says something to Marissa, then Marissa says something to Johnny and they start to leave. Heather and Volchok stand in front of them, blocking their path) Volchok: you leavin already bro (Ryan Marissa and Johnny look at them, not saying anything) Volchok: hello Harper what's up...how's your girlfriend doing (Johnny goes to move closer to Volchok but Marissa stops him) Marissa: no whoa hey he's not worth it Ryan: just get outta the way man Volchok: or what, your not gonna fight me I know that Heather: but she might sht you, she has before Marissa: yeah... Volchok: (to Ryan) is that true bro, d'you let your girlfriend do your fighting for ya (Ryan glares at Volchok. Marissa walks between them and Volchok grabs her arm) Volchok: no hold up girl (Ryan grabs Volchok by the shoulders and slams him hard against the bar. Marissa looks worried. Volchok grins, pleased with himself for getting a reaction out of Ryan) Ryan: don't you touch her Volchok: so that's what gets you going (Johnny pulls Ryan off of Volchok) Security: (points to Volchok) you, out (Ryan and Johnny look at Volchok, Marissa still looks worried. Volchok leaves reluctantly. Marissa watches Heather and Volchok leave. Ryan goes over to Marissa to make sure she's ok. we see Volchok and Heather now on the stairs. we then see the crowd now dancing again) CUT TO: Cohen living room - Sandy is on the couch reading the newspaper. the front page says "Orange County Beaches Voted Best in the State". Ryan comes in from outside Sandy: hey Ryan: hey Sandy: hey Kirsten's already over at the Yacht Club once you an Mr. Sabbath have breakfast we should head over there an start setting up Ryan: (nods) great (frowns) can I talk to you about somethin (sighs) Sandy: (closes paper) anytime Ryan: (sits) there's this guy an he's gotten it in his head that he's gonna fight me (looks at Sandy) Sandy: (looks at Ryan) does this have anything to do with the fact that my car is now...the little bitch (raises eyebrows) Ryan: maybe, I was gonna fix that Sandy: forget about it (shrugs) that there's enough to go to the cops Ryan: yeah (looks down) Sandy: d'you want me ta talk to em Ryan: no, no offense but uh I don't see this guy getting scared Sandy: (sits forward, shakes head) you know you can't get into another fight Ryan: no I know an I've ben tryin'a walk away Sandy: you're usin your brain instead'a your fists, good Ryan: but, I mean how's that help me with this guy Sandy: well you gotta keep walking away, cause whatever is makin him angry (shakes head) it isn't you (Ryan looks as though he's thinking. phone rings) Sandy: ohp hang on just a minute (looks at who's calling, frowns, answers) hey Matt its a little early on a Sunday morning...today (raises eyebrows) no you don't do anything till I get there...alright (hangs up) (Ryan raises his eyebrows) you an Seth are gonna have'ta go to the club without me ill catch up later (stands) ill have my phone if you need me CUT TO: The Beach - Dennis and Marissa are in the car together. Dennis is driving Dennis: I can't believe you dragged me outta bed for this, this is the worst idea ever Marissa: there's no other way Dennis: ok but seriously you don't know Volchok, last year some guy snaked his wave so he went up on the pier an dropped a kitchen sink on him, where do you even get a kitchen sink (parks) Marissa: yeah well if you're so concerned (gets out) why don't you stay in the car (shuts door) Dennis: (gets out) I'm jus saying maybe we could bring some muscle (follows Marissa) besides the muscle that I already provide (we see one of Volchok's bros and Volchok standing at the back of an open van) Bro: yo yo yo yo ? Volchok: oh hey hey look who's here (puts hands up) now don't sht (Marissa smiles and half laughs as if to say "so funny" Volchok laughs at her reaction) Volchok: hey dork Dennis: (nods) hey Marissa: look I want you ta leave Ryan alone (holds out a watch) Volchok: oh so its bribes now (Marissa looks at him) well I got a watch (holds up wrist) K-Mart, fifteen ninety nine (raises eyebrows) Marissa: well this is Cardiay, an I got it for my sixteenth birthday (looks at the watch then Volchok) its worth like four grand (Dennis looks at Marissa) Volchok: damn (takes watch) you must really think I'm gonna hurt him Marissa: do we have a deal Volchok: (looks at Marissa) ...sure, ill leave your little boy alone Marissa: alright (starts to walk away, then matter of factly) if I see you around again I'm gonna tell the cops you stole that (points) Volchok: you do that (Marissa looks back at Volchok as she and Dennis walk towards the car. Dennis waves at them and Marissa hits him) CUT TO: The Yacht Club - Kirsten is there getting everything organised for the fundraiser. a woman wheels in some flowers on a trolley Kirsten: don't put them in direct sunlight because then the water starts to heat up an then the flowers they-they wilt (unsure) do-do you think there's too much red (Julie comes in) Julie: hey Kirsten Kirsten: oh hey Julie: what's up Kirsten: just giving final instructions, oh I know I'm going a little crazy but I just want everything to be perfect (looks at Julie) it will be wont it (frowns) Julie: yeah of course I-it'll be fantastic (smiles) Kirsten: thanks Julie, I am so glad we're doing this together (smiles) Julie: (smiles) me too (Kirsten walks away. Julie looks as though she is having second thoughts) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Matt is there by himself. Sandy comes in Sandy: what the hell are you doin Matt: (stands) let me explain Sandy: forget going behind my back (frowns) you called people in on a Sunday to fre them, is that what they teach ya in business school what so you don't lose time during the week Matt: eh listen I just thought it would be better now than on Monday when they have'ta face the humiliation of packin up infront'a their co-workers an I didn't go behind your back Sandy: really, because as much as I appreciate the heads up phone call that your about to fre four of our employees, I don't recall ever agreeing to this Matt: we agreed we had'a let em go...I jus thought that if I did it myself I would spare you the pain, that's all Sandy: for the record, I don't let people do my dirty work for me (Matt looks down) where are they Matt: (motions) they're in your office (Sandy looks at the door unhappily and then walks over) Matt: look Sandy Sandy: oh it's alright Matt, now go home, its Sunday (Matt nods and leaves. Sandy waits a few seconds before opening the door. we get a glimpse of the employees already in there) CUT TO: The Yacht Club - Seth and Summer are standing at one of the tables together. Summer is putting something on the table Seth: listen to me, nothing happened at the lock in Summer: ah-huh, an yet you still felt the need ta lie about her being in your room (Summer moves to another table and Seth follows) Seth: because I knew how you would react (Summer looks at him) not that it's your fault I'm saying it's my fault (points to himself) it's definitely my fault Summer: you know what is my fault Seth: what Summer: (slaps Seth hard on the cheek) that (walks away) Seth: (touches cheek) ooooowwwww (Seth follows Summer. in the background Ryan and Johnny are setting up tables together) Johnny: listen man I'm really sorry about the...whole Volchok thing Ryan: ah it's not your fault, guys like Volchok are lookin for any excuse Johnny: sounds like you've ben in this situation before Ryan: yeah, feels like every week Johnny: look...if anything goes down (looks at Ryan) I'm there Ryan: (nods) yeah, thanks, but I'm hoping it doesn't come to that Johnny: sometimes you don't have a choice (Ryan looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: Charlotte and Julies condo - Charlotte comes out all dressed up for the fundraiser, she stops when she sees Julie sitting at the table not ready Charlotte: Julie, you're not dressed, we need to leave in a few minutes Julie: I don't think I can do this (drinks) (Charlotte walks over to Julie) Charlotte: you're worried about Kirsten getting hurt Julie: Kirsten, Marissa (nods) even if they blame you... Charlotte: (nods) I see, well what if they blame you Julie: (looks at Charlotte) what Charlotte: (shrugs) what if I call the police an tell them how we (frowns) created a fake charity ta defraud your friends Julie: Charlotte they'd arrest you Charlotte: yeah but they'd have'ta find me first, I somehow think you'd be a little easier to track down (Julie looks at her, shocked) (sits on the table) could you do jail Julie, an if you did which one of your former friends would be there ta help you when you get out (leans closer) now get - dressed (raises eyebrows) or we'll be late for the party (Julie looks at her) CUT TO: The Yacht Club - Marissa and Summer are now dressed up. Marissa has flowers in her hand and puts them down on a table Summer: d'you think Taylor's pretty Marissa: Summer Summer: well I mean I know she's not prettier than me but like objectively speaking Marissa: objectively speaking I think Seth loves you an you've got nothing to worry about (Marissa sees Heather enter the club) Marissa: (hands Summer flowers) go put these on a table (Summer walks away. Marissa walks over to Heather) Heather: (holds up watch) he told me to give you this, he changed his mind, he wants cash Marissa: but he can sell that Heather: tell him yourself, he's in the parking lot (Marissa looks at Heather. the next thing we see is Marissa and Heather going out to the parking lot. Volchok is sitting in the van with the side door open Marissa: we had a deal Volchok: pawn shop aint open an I need cash now, I owe a guy some money Marissa: well I don't have four thousand dollars Volchok: well lucky for you all I needs' a couple hundred, c'mon you got an ATM card don't you (Marissa looks at him, reluctant) screw it (gets out) your boyfriend inside hm Marissa: ok, fine ill go (Marissa gets in the van then Volchok gets in after her. the door shuts) CUT TO: The Yacht Club - we see a tray with 7 glasses of wine on it. the tray gets carried away and we can see Julie talking to a couple W: party's really wonderful Julie M: yeah it really is Julie: I am so glad that you both could come, but you know what you should watch those ahe rolls? Chuck or we'll be treating you for substance abuse (laughs) oh excuse me (smiles) nice to see you (Julie goes over to Kirsten) Kirsten: well you don't miss a bat (smiles) Julie: oh well you know just like riding a bike Kirsten: (smiles) Julie I really wanna thank you Julie: (suprised) for what Kirsten: making me do this, I wasn't sure that I was ready, but having your support (smiles, shakes head) I just wish...my dad could see us (raises eyebrows) he'd be so proud (Julie smiles, Kirsten smiles at her and then walks away. Julie sighs, worriedly - we then see Taylor standing with her mom) Ts mom: I thought you said you'd have friends here tonight Taylor: (looks) well there jus...not here yet (shrugs) Ts mom: I don't want another evening of you sitting alone in the corner reading the economist, it's embarrassing (we see Seth standing in the background watching with a frown on his face) Taylor: there gonna be here Ts mom: well excuse me if I don't hold my breath (Seth walks over) Seth: Taylor (Taylor and her mom look over) Seth: I'm sorry I'm late it was uh (to Ts mom) hi Seth Cohen Ts mom: (smiles) Veronica Townsend nice to meet you (Seth nods) Taylor is this the young man you bought the present for (Seth looks at Taylor) Taylor: (horrified) mom (raises eyebrows) Ts mom: well give it to him (to Seth) she must'a wrapped it an re wrapped it four times before we left the house Taylor: (softly) oh my god (Seth frowns) um ok (pulls out present) fine (hands it to Seth) Seth: oh wow, you didn't I mean that's you know (opens it, looks at Taylor) Yakuza demon (Taylor looks down shyly) how did you get this I thought they only released it in Japan Taylor: (nods) yeah my cousin um works for Krustys? in Tokyo and...he sends me DVDs I don't know I jus thought you would like it Seth: it's amazing Ts mom: well ill just...let you two be alone (smiles) (Taylor's mom walks away) Seth: Taylor this is like so- (Taylor runs outside upset. Seth follows her) Seth: Taylor Taylor: (upset) go away Seth, I don't need you feeling sorry for me Seth: I don't Taylor: (scoffs) oh my god (looks at Seth) well why not, you heard her she's horrible she's (touches forehead) always saying the same things why don't people like you Taylor why aren't you popular Taylor why don't you have friends Taylor Seth: well she doesn't know what she's talking about Taylor: (laughs) yeah but that's just it she does...I live in this dream world where I think that Summer is my friend and I think that you like me (Seth looks at her) an the truth is that I don't have anybody, oh my god even the Grinch had that stupid little dog Seth: (frowns, nods) you think Summers your friend Taylor: yes I know I'm crazy Seth: (leans forward) you know what I like you Taylor: no you don't Seth: yes I do Taylor: (raises eyebrows) you pity me its different Seth: (shakes head) no I really do I think your (shrugs) funny Taylor: (laughs) stop teasing me Seth: I'm not listen'a me I'm serious (puts hand on Taylor's shoulder) you got great taste in movies, I think your smart, I think your interesting Taylor: (puts hand on top of Seth's) really Seth: yeah, an if you just relaxed a little bit I think other people would see that (Taylor nods and brings Seth's hand to her cheek) Seth: you know they'd see that your one of a (thrown) kind...yeah but I've actually gotta head back in (points, takes hand off Taylor's cheek) right now so Taylor: Seth I (Seth un hooks Taylor's fingers from his) Seth: no no it- just because uh I think Summer may be looking for me Taylor: oh (smiles) Seth: an you know if she was to come out here an see us talking (motions sab) so uh we're gonna talk at school Taylor: ok (smiles) Seth: ok, ok good (starts walking away, stops) but I feel really good about this (Seth goes inside and Taylor squeals excitedly. she cups her hands over her mouth) Taylor: it's happening (Taylor smiles, cups her hands again and laughs while walking away - inside Johnny is sitting at the bar. Ryan goes over to him) Ryan: what's up man (touches Johnny's back, nods to the bar tender) Johnny: hey, this party's unbelievable, feels like I'm in a movie Ryan: yeah I know the feelin (smiles) you haven't seen Marissa have you (drinks) Johnny: no, no but I just got here (looks at Ryan) why what's up (phone rings) Ryan: nothing, I just saw her a while ago but (looks at who is calling) guess who (answers) hey where are you (we now see that Marissa isn't the one on her phone, its Volchok. Marissa is standing between Heather and one of Volchok's bros) Volchok: well right now...I'm with your girlfriend (we see Ryan's stunned face) Volchok: are you there little bitch Ryan: yeah I'm here Volchok: she's fine (laughs) but she does miss you so why don't you come get her, we're underneath the pier (hangs up) (Ryan hangs up) Johnny: what's up Ryan: uh...Volchok's got her Johnny: we should call the cops Ryan: yeah, you call em I'm gonna finish this (leaves) (Johnny sits there for a few seconds and then follows Ryan - Sandy walks in looking depressed. Kirsten sees him) Kirsten: hey (smiles) (Sandy goes to wave and say hey but Charlotte calls Kirsten. Sandy waves it off and motions that it doesn't matter) Charlotte: Kirsten, I've raised over three hundred thousand dollars in pledges Kirsten: oh that's great, I think Julies doing even better Charlotte: yeah Kirsten: I wouldn't be suprised if we ht a million Charlotte: oh, where is she I haven't seen here in a while (looks around frowning) Kirsten: I don't know Julie: (into mic) excuse me (we see that Julie is standing in front of everybody holding a microphone) Julie: uh excuse me may I have your attention over here please (waves) I'm Julie Cooper-Nichol, its so great to see all your face an I just wanna thank you so much for coming here, with your assistance we are going to be able to help a great many women in need (everyone claps) (Charlotte and Kirsten watch) thankyou um however as you write your cheques I would ask that you make them out to the National Foundation For Substance Abuse (Charlotte looks stunned) as it so happens your generosity has somewhat overwhelmed our small organisation an with the National Foundations network your money will go alot further (quickly adds) and still be tax deductible (everyone laughs) so thankyou very much (more clapping) (Julie glares at Charlotte. Charlotte looks almost angry) Kirsten: did you know about this Charlotte: no I...ill go talk to her (smiles) Kirsten: ok (Charlotte walks over to Julie and grabs her arm as she's walking) Charlotte: Julie, what the hell do you think your doing Julie: (nonchalantly) oh could you not hear me, I always hold the mic too far away (looks at Charlotte) Charlotte: I wasn't kidding about the police, Julie, now you get back over there an you tell everyone it was a mistake Julie: call em Charlotte: what (frowns) Julie: call the police (Charlotte looks at her) I thought so Charlotte: oh what you think your back in society now so you don't need the money, wake up...Julie, these people are never gonna accept you, you don't have any friends here Julie: wrong, I have Kirsten (shakes head) an I wont do this to her (Charlotte looks at her) now, I think its time you left don't you, this towns only really big enough for one (raises eyebrows) manipulative bitch (kisses Charlottes cheek, Charlotte turns away) take care sweetie (Julie walks away - we then see Summer come up behind Seth) Summer: where've you ben (Seth turns around) just because I'm not talking to you doesn't mean your allowed outta my sight Seth: no I was in the (points) parking lot Summer: (frowns) you were in the parking lot, why were you in the parking- (looks down and takes the present) Yakuza, were you with Taylor Seth: she's having an emotional crisis Summer: yeah well she's about to have a physical one Seth: Summer, she thinks you're her friend Summer: what (frowns) she is crazy I hate her Seth: I know you along with everyone else look (Summer raises her eyebrows) this whole thing started because the other day I was at the lock in an I saw how awful her mother is so you know what I was nice to her Summer: (nods) ok, so that's the problem that you were too nice Seth: well she's just not use to it an I think she's overreacting a little bit (Summer frowns) she's jus really lonely (Summer looks at Seth, Seth looks at Summer) Summer: well she doesn't make it easy to be nice too Seth: I know Summer: (sighs) ...just don't ever lie to me again ok Seth: I wont I swear Summer: (smiles) how badly d'you wanna go home right now an watch that movie Seth: so bad it may actually k*ll me Summer: c'mon (Summers walks away and Seth follows her)	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x07 - The Anger Management"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - The Diner - Seth and Ryan are sitting in a booth together opposite each other. on the table they have college brochures forms etc. Seth has a finger against his eyebrow, seemingly deep in thought Seth: ok, picture me in college (frowns) uhhh big fish in a small pond or small fish in a big pond Ryan: I don't know I never really pictured you (squints) living in a (softly) pond Seth: (holds hands out, shakes head) me neither, you know finding the right college ought'a be more soulful than this Ryan: well you gotta fill it out there (raises eyebrows) due today (Summer and Marissa come in and walk over to their guys) Summers: what's due today (Seth scoots over so Summer can sit. Ryan does the same for Marissa) Ryan: hey, good timing Marissa: hey (smiles) (picks up paper, reads) picking the perfect college Summer: oh crap I totally spaced out, does anyone have an extra one Ryan: (hands one to Summer) there you go (points) remember, meeting with the college councilor today (Marissa looks at Ryan and then Summer. she looks a little left out) Summer: that's gonna be so stressful, I can't even pick out my shoes in the morning led alone plan the rest'a my life (Marissa looks down, almost sadly) Seth: oh It's ok it's only four years an (frowns) according to this brochure its supposed'ta be the high point of an otherwise miserable existence (looks at Summer, strokes her hair and smiles) Summer: well these kids look pretty happy, look Coop two girls looking at a microscope (holds up brochure) an smiling that could be us Marissa: mm yeah (shakes head) I don't think so Summer: (frowns) Coop are you ok Seth: course she's ok she gets to leave Newport (Marissa looks at him) we all do, think about this pretty soon we're gonna be livin in real cities with like (Marissa looks down) real non botoxed non plastic people Summer: (looks at Seth) Cohen shut up (looks at Marissa, worried) Seth: an weather, how bout like a little weather for a change (Ryan touches Marissa, Marissa looks at him and forces a smile) you know what I mean I'm not talkin about its cloudy with a chance'a drizzle weather (almost excited) I'm talkin about snow storm seal your windows with duct tape weather that's what I want Marissa: you know- guys it's getting late I think I'm jus gonna go (sits forward) Ryan: you alright (looks at Marissa) Seth: did I mention that i would get ta wear wool, like I would actually get to wear like a real wool sweater same time: Summer: (closes eyes) shut up! Ryan: shut up! Seth: sorry (looks down) Summer: Coop what's wrong Marissa: nothing I mean this whole college thing its great (raises eyebrows) for you guys...I'm jus not gonna get to be apart of it (Ryan looks from Marissa to Summer/Seth) Summer: what're you talking about Marissa: look I've done the research, with my background (raises eyebrows) my history, I don't have a chance at getting in (Summer frowns then looks at Ryan) Marissa: (stands, nonchalantly) I'm jus...not going to college, that's all (leaves) (Summer watches Marissa leave, worried) Seth: (frowns) an there's a different approach (we see a close up of Ryan's stunned face {Ok I just have to say where the hell did "I love cold weather Seth Cohen come from? he is the one who wouldn't go out to the Pool House in a storm, lol) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Cohen kitchen - Sandy is standing near the dining table getting ready for work and Kirsten walks in Kirsten: so, what's on the agenda today Sandy: oh it's packed, you don't wanna know Kirsten: sure I do (looks at Sandy almost eagerly) Sandy: ok, conference call with the zoning board lunch with a couple of investors, gotta over see Ramsey's presentation for tomorrows meeting (looks at Kirsten) want me to go on Kirsten: I do (smiles) believe it or not it sounds exciting (laughs) Sandy: what, more so than perfecting the art of soufflé, speaking of, that one you made last night it was top notch Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) Sandy, I'm going crazy Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) what Kirsten: it's the sifting the kneading the measuring, I can't take it anymore I need to get outta the kitchen (raises eyebrows, grins creepily) Sandy: honey Kirsten: it's-it's not the cooking I hate, it's the quiet (raises eyebrows) Sandy: oh we're gonna have'ta get use to a quiet house Kirsten: I know, the boys started filling out their college forms today (smiles proudly) Sandy: well look on the upside, Seth'll be right up the road at Berkeley (smiles, moves closer to Kirsten) Kirsten: ooooh I wouldn't be so sure, remember before Ryan came Seth was dad set on going to a boarding school on the east coast, he wants outta California Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) that was years ago (shrugs) he was a kid Kirsten: Sandy (Sandy looks at her) Seth has never said that he wants to go to Berkeley (raises eyebrows) Sandy: (quickly) but he never said he didn't (kisses Kirsten) try not to go too stir crazy (leaves) Kirsten: ill try (Sandy leaves and Kirsten smiles, then the smile goes and we see her standing in the empty quiet kitchen, she sighs) CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa is at her locker. Johnny and Dennis walk over to her Dennis: (calls) Marissa! (Marissa looks) (points) brace yourself, you my friend are in the presence...of a celebrity Marissa: I am Dennis: Harper here is moments (touches Johnny's shoulder) away from being a surfing legend Johnny: I don't know man I still have'ta make it through this weekend (shrugs) Dennis: an assuming that you shred it out there (points) your gonna be picked for PacWest two thousand six team Marissa: oh well that's great (puts book in bag) congratulations Dennis: Cooper (Marissa looks) a little enthusiasm buddy this is (points to himself) a banner day for Dennis Childers Johnny: it's a banner day for you... Dennis: yeah, you might get to be the star but I get to be the entourage (Johnny shakes his head) which is a way better deal anyways we're talkin free shwag uh VIP parties crashin your world tour Johnny: I had no idea Dennis: (shrugs) someone's gotta carry your surfboard (Johnny hits him on the back) Marissa: well ill be there to watch you in your moment of glory (shuts locker) Johnny: are you alright, seem a little uhh Marissa: I'm fine, promise...look ill see you guys later (walks away) Johnny: something's wrong with her (we see Marissa walking up the stairs a little in front of them) Dennis: poor kids probably star struck (hits Johnny's shoulder) get use to it (Dennis walks away. Johnny looks at Dennis and then watches Marissa disappear up the stairs, he looks worried) CUT TO: Harbor school - this scene is in the college councilor's office. it changes between Seth, Summer and Ryan sitting in front of her desk, so whoever is talking is who is actually on screen at that point. Seth sits down in the chair Mrs. R: so we'll deal with grades an boards later but for now I just wanna get a feel for what you want (smiles) you know where you imagine yourself Seth: uh somewhere cold (points) or brisk I would-I would settle for brisk Summer: I want three hundred an sixty five sundaes (raises eyebrows, nods, frowns) I don't mean the day after Saturday (shakes head) Ryan: uhhhhh Seth: not some place too big but not alotta sports (frowns) not alotta big guys playin sports (shakes head) Summer: I definitely wanna join a sorority (screws up face) oh but I don't wanna learn Greek (shakes head) Mrs. R: where are you thinking Ryan: I don't know (raises eyebrows) I've-I've only lived in California (smiles) Summer: Hawaii, Arizona Seth: uh Boston, Connecticut, Vermont, Maine (raises eyebrows) Rhode Island or New Hampshire Summer: ooo (unsure) do they have a college in Cabo (nods) Ryan: (thinks) I'm not sure (Mrs. R looks at him) I-I guess this sounds like I haven't given it alotta thought but the truth'a the matter is (leans forward) I-I have uhh ill be the first in my family to graduate from High School led alone go to college, so...I mean this whole...its alot (nods) (we see a wide sht of Ryan sitting in front of the desk) CUT TO: Julie's condo - Kirsten and Julie are outside on the balcony together drinking coffee Kirsten: (frowns) it's just so odd that Charlotte just up an left without so much as a phone call (looks at Julie) Julie: well you know, her father called he said it was an emergency an (raises eyebrows) that's all she needed to hear Kirsten: Julie she hasn't spoken to her father in years Julie: well you know how it is with family one day your estranged next your bugs in a rug, but enough about Charlotte how are you Kirsten: ugh, it's just I'm...I'm losing my mind at home I feel like... (Kirsten notices that Julie isn't paying attention) Kirsten: Julie are you even listening ta this Julie: (looks at Kirsten) yes, of course Kirsten: is there something you need to tell me (Julie looks at Kirsten. we hear the doorbell) Julie: excuse me (stands) (Julie goes and answers the door. there is a woman standing there) W: Miss Cooper (Julie looks at her) this is the last time I'm going to warn you, I need that rent cheque, ten thousand or this could get very ugly Kirsten: is everything ok Julie: (starts to shut door) I don't need any thanks (shuts door, looks at Kirsten) hello, I don't need any steak knives, you want some coffee cake (Julie walks away and Kirsten looks confused as to what just happened) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth walks into the student lounge and Ryan is already in there. he's sitting on the couch with a coffee Seth: hey man Ryan: what's up (Seth side jumps over the back of couch so he's sitting next to Ryan) Seth: you gonna visit me in Providence next year (holds out brochures) Ryan: (takes them) ooooh, goin'a Rhode Island Seth: Brown, the University Ryan: ah-huh Seth: jus had a meeting with the councilor she said I had a very good sht at getting in because I'm awesome Ryan: this your first choice Seth: (looks at Ryan) dude it's my only choice, its liberal, its turtle neck weather an most importantly its three thousand miles away from here Ryan: so it's safe ta say you're not applying to Berkeley (hands stuff back) you told your dad yet Seth: Sandy Cohen's a perceptive guy I'm sure he'll figure it out Ryan: Seth, you gotta tell him Seth: (squints) dad I'm not applying to Berkeley...(points) where'd you get a gn...why d'you have this gn (Ryan laughs) (thinks) mmm mmm (shakes head) that doesn't have a good ring to it (Ryan looks at him) it doesn't have a good ring- fine...ill stop by after school an break it to him Ryan: (raises eyebrows) at least you're goin to college Seth: unlike a lanky lady friend of yours Ryan: (sighs) yeah (raises eyebrows) an I don't get it I mean its (frowns) she's always wanted to go to college you know Seth: well, you could talk to her (looks at Ryan) you could use your powers of persuasion Ryan: yeah I don't have any (raises eyebrows) ever since I got back to Harbor its like I don't have a leg to stand on (bell goes) Seth: well then you need'a find somebody who does (hits Ryan's chest) Ryan: right Seth: (half stands on the couch) you need'a get yourself an ally (Seth jumps over the couch, similar to how he got on it, lol) Ryan: why're you doing that Seth: I don't give a crap about the school I'm outta here (Ryan laughs) (Seth goes to walk away but he stops and spits on the couch first. Seth leaves and Ryan sits there laughing, then he stops and pulls out his cell phone. we hear the beeps of dialing a number - we now see Summer and Taylor near the lockers. Summer shuts her locker and Taylor is standing there) Taylor: (grins) Summer, feel my forehead Summer: (looks at Taylor, raises eyebrows) what, why Taylor: I have college fever (laughs) don't you Summer: maybe, what are the symptoms you become incredibly annoying (raises eyebrows, walks away) Taylor: (follows) Summer cheer up, you're just gonna love Arizona...oops Summer: (frowns) how d'you know that I'm applying there Taylor: I work in the college counseling office um I do alot of filing Summer: oh an snooping (keeps walking) Taylor: (follows) well I did notice that you an Seth are headed to opposite ends of the country, boo Summer: no we have different tastes Taylor: yeah apparently, he wants to go to Brown an you wanna go (condescendingly) some place sunny where kids drink till they vomit Summer: (annoyed) Taylor, d'you have a point Taylor: I'm just sad for you is all, you know I mean the long distance thing can be such a grind (Summer frowns) oo what am I talking about though I'm sure you an Seth have a whole plan worked out Summer: a plan (closes eyes) Taylor: yeah, well Seth wouldn't just skedaddle off to the east coast without so much as a thought ta your relationship, would he Summer: no one is skedaddling anywhere yet, ok Taylor: well if you two haven't even talked about this yet (Summer looks at her) my guess is there's stormy weather ahead, intimacy (rubs Summers shoulder) it's a tricky business (Taylor walks away and Summer watches her) CUT TO: Newport group - Sandy is unpacking a box in his office. he pulls out a photo frame and looks at it sentimentally. we hear the phone ring and see a close up of the photo frame in Sandy's hands. it is a photo of little Seth, about 6-8 years old I would say, and he is wearing a navy blue top that has BERKELEY on it in yellow. we hear a knock Seth: dad (Sandy moves the photo away and we see Seth standing in the door way. he waves) Sandy: (looks, suprised) I didn't know you'd be droppin by today (puts frame down) Seth: (walks in) yeah, well (rubs hands) you know had kind of a big day at school Sandy: I know I know you had a meeting with your college councilor I'm dyin'a hear about it Seth: well you know she said that I actually have alot of options Sandy: well o'course you do, an whatever you decide, ill respect Seth: (nods, points) good Sandy: listen I'm just happy your even considering Berkeley (sits) (Seth nods unconvincingly) you are (raises eyebrows) I mean aren't you Seth: yeah considering? sure Sandy: great Seth: yeah (nods) Sandy: listen as long as it's still on the table (waves it off) I'm happy (shrugs) Seth: mm mm (softly) yes, Berkeley, ok well I'm glad we got this all cleared up, I'm gonna see you back at the house Sandy: oh (stands) oh ok, alright, you got it (points) Seth: dad, good talk Sandy: you, yep (Seth leaves. Sandy watches him and then picks up the phone) Sandy: hey Cheryl (picks up the photo) yeah will you get Paul Glass of Berkeley on the line for me (looks at photo) CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa is sitting by herself on a bench near the lockers looking out of it. Ryan walks over to her, he gently puts one hand on her back and the other over her eyes and smiles Marissa: hey (smiles, leans back into Ryan's arms) thanks for coming to get me (Ryan kisses Marissa's cheek. aww) Ryan: not a problem (Marissa stands up to leave) hey whoa whoa, you wanna hang out for a minute (sits) Marissa: what you just wanna enjoy the scenery Ryan: (looks at Marissa) I wanted to talk to you about college Marissa: look I already told you I'm not going Ryan: I know I know you're not going, you made up your mind (Johnny comes down the stairs) Johnny: you could talk ta somebody (Marissa looks at him) sorry I sort of overheard what you were talkin about (shrugs) hey man what're you doin here Ryan: I was tryin'a convice Marissa to see your guidance councilor Johnny: oh Mitchell Davidson (looks at Marissa) he's a great guy Ryan: that's what I hear (Marissa looks from Johnny to Ryan) Marissa: that's what you hear (Ryan looks down) (shrugs) from who (Ryan looks from Marissa to Johnny and back to Marissa. Marissa looks at Johnny, Johnny smiles) Marissa: (realises) oh my god, you guys planned this didn't you Johnny: look we just...we didn't want you to do something you might regret Marissa: so (raises eyebrows) you conspired to get me here (looks at Ryan) ta lecture me on what to do with my life Ryan: no, come on it's not like that Marissa: I mean I thought I could talk to you, I thought you were on my side Ryan: I'm on your side (stands) you can trust me (moves closer to Marissa) Marissa: (pulls away) just...leave me alone (leaves) (Ryan and Johnny watch Marissa walk away upset. Ryan sighs) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom, next morning - Sandy is on the phone and getting ready for work Sandy: oh man it'll be great to see you (smiles) yeah that's right tomorrow night, ill see you then, alright Paul, bye (hangs up) (Kirsten walks in) Kirsten: who was that Sandy: our old friend Paul Glass Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) Paul Glass as in Paul Glass from Berkeley Sandy: uh well not from anymore, at he's workin there now (Kirsten looks at him) wh-what he called me (shrugs) (Kirsten smiles) besides Seth came by the office yesterday to talk colleges, he seems interested in Cal Kirsten: as long as you don't pressure him Sandy: no (shakes head) no pressure...a nudge, a fathers allowed to nudge Kirsten: nudgings allowed but anymore than that an I will confiscate your Cal sweatshirt Sandy: you wouldn't dare Kirsten: try me (smiles) oh I gotta go I'm gonna try to make a Cardio Barre class Sandy: Cardio Barre is crawlin with Newpsies how bored are you Kirsten: well I thought id go cause Julie loves it an I thought it might cheer her up, lately she seems (thinks) not herself Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) is that a bad thing (raises eyebrows) Kirsten: (worried) I'm serious Sandy, she's keeping something from me Sandy: well when it comes to Julie Cooper sometimes it's better not knowin Kirsten: well (moves head side to side) Sandy: (mumbles) you know whatever, lets go Kirsten: mm (Kirsten and Sandy leave together. him in his business suit and her in a cute little sporty outfit) Sandy: very sporty Kirsten: thankyou (Kirsten puts her hand on Sandy's back) CUT TO: The pool house - Seth is in there with Ryan. Ryan's getting organised for school Seth: so how did it go with Marissa Ryan: basically accused me an Johnny of ganging up on her an she stormed off Seth: oh so it...went well Ryan: I don't know, I guess it's to be expected, we'll all be splittin up next year, its bound to make everybody tense Seth: ok but (points) why focus on the negative this is a cause for a celebration, we get ta finally leave Newport Ryan: (frowns) well I'm not sure everybody sees that as somethin to celebrate Seth: (holds hand out) what you wanna stay in Orange County forever, grow old playin golf an chatting about the NASDAQ Ryan: no I'm jus sayin...you know maybe Newport isn't all evil Seth: name me one thing (points) about Newport that isn't evil (Summer and Marissa walk up together) Ryan: I will name you two (aww) Summer: Cohen, hi, you an me upstairs now (Summer leaves) Seth: (to Ryan) tell my parents I love em (Ryan smiles) (Seth leaves. Marissa and Ryan move towards each other) Ryan: how are you Marissa: better, thanks (Ryan looks at her) look I'm sorry about yesterday Ryan: I-I didn't mean ta...pressure you Marissa: you know I realised after you were probably jus tryin'a help...sooo I made an appointment with the college guidance councilor Ryan: alright, you did it Marissa: I mean I can't promise anything (shrugs) but I'm gonna try (nods) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Summer walks in followed by Seth. Summer stops and faces Seth Summer: (holds up 2 sheets of paper) these are our college lists, do you see a difference Seth: (takes sheets, looks) yeah the font looks like you went with the uh times new roman (nods) Summer: (snatches sheets back) the schools doofus (upset) none of them are the same, none of them are even in the same time zone (frowns) Seth: ok so you know you want west coast I want east coast (shakes head) it's not a hip hop wr Summer: we are gonna be separated by like a zillion billion miles, I was up all last night thinking about that Seth: you were Summer: (looks at Seth) you haven't even given this a second thought have you Seth: w- uhh (Summer closes her eyes and starts to leave) Seth: Summer wait a second Summer: (pulls away, upset) no too late Cohen (Summer leaves and slams the door behind her. the bang makes Seth flinch) CUT TO: Julie's condo - Julie is out the front carrying a Luis Vuitton bag to an open u-haul which already has some of her stuff inside it. she throws the bag in with the rest and pulls the roller door shut. a woman in the background watches her W: Julie (Julie stands) your leaving us already Julie: uh...well you know I was only staying here temporarily I'm-I'm renovating my place in Balboa Estates, couldn't stand the racket W: (laughs) you-you live in the Balboa Estates an you drive your own u-haul Julie: I'm jus keepin it real (smiles) well gotta go see ya round (pointed) 3F (the woman heads back over to her front door. Julie goes to the front of the u-haul. we see Kirsten pull up in the range rover and watch as Julie gets in. she starts it up and drives a little way before it stalls, after a few seconds it starts moving again. Kirsten starts following just as the u-haul turns a corner) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer is in the guidance councilor's office. there are other kids in there now Summer: Mrs. Rushfield (Mrs. R looks up) hi, I wanted to um read up on a school...Brown (Mrs. R looks suprised) I know it's a major (raises eyebrows) reach but it doesn't hurt to look right Mrs. R: of course, let me just get the file for you Summer: thanks (Mrs. R looks it up on the computer) Mrs. R: hmm, that's ben checked out (Taylor comes over holding a large folder with Brown written on the spine) Taylor: here you go (hands folder to Mrs. R) Mrs. R: oh (Summer looks at Taylor) Mrs. R: this is just what we were looking for (Summer looks at Taylor) thankyou Taylor (hands folder to Summer) here you go (leaves) Taylor: (laughs, folds arms) your applying to Brown Summer: maybe (Summer looks as though Taylor is making her feel inferior) Taylor: well I'm sure they would just love to have you, I hear the Ivy's often recruit from Fred Segal Summer: (indignantly) I can get inta Brown if I want to Taylor: of course you can (Summer looks at her, then down) an on the off chance that you don't you can always come an visit (Summer looks at her) Seth an I will show you around (grins smugly) (Summer raises her eyebrows and looks down sadly) CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa is sitting in front of Mitchell's desk AKA the guidance councilor. he is looking at Marissa's file Mitchell: you have the grades, lots of activities, my guess is (looks at Marissa) you'll be fine Marissa: (looks at Mitchell) except...I'm not sure I wanna go Mitchell: I'm sorry Marissa I'm (laughs) I'm a little confused, what're we doing here (Marissa looks at him) ...does this have anything to do with uh what happened to you over the summer (Marissa looks away) I read about it...in your file Marissa: ...it's just...id have to explain it, wouldn't I Mitchell: well, on the applications yes, you will have'ta say why you were expelled, but if it means getting inta College, seems like a small price to pay Marissa: (sighs) I've just spent all this time (raises eyebrows) trying to forget about it...an you know if I had'ta dredge it up again (raises eyebrows) I don't know if I could handle it... Mitchell: I get it...that's a...tough skeleton to have in your closet (Marissa looks at him) but if you want my advice...write about it, see what comes out Marissa: uh that's exactly what I don't wanna do Mitchell: Marissa (leans forward) you cant run away from your past, so...before you let it ruin your future...you might try learning to live with it (Marissa looks as though she's thinking) CUT TO: Julie in the u-haul - she stops the u-haul and has an almost disgusted look on her face. she gets out and walks to the back. as Julie is opening the roller door we see a wide sht of where she is. it looks like a small trailer park. we can see a broken aerial lying on the ground surrounded by leaves and in the background we can see Julie at the u-haul. a guy goes over to the trailer that Julie is parked at. Julie struggles with 2 of her bags then looks up and sees the guy Julie: oh excuse me, could I get a little help over here Gus: (looks at Julie) I aint no bell man lady Julie: how charming, I take it you're my landlord Gus: yeah, I'm Gus, welcome to the Taj Mahal (smiles) (Julie stops and looks at the trailer. she sighs and puts one of the bags down) Julie: (sighs, closes eyes) can't believe I'm back here Gus: you lived here before (frowns) Julie: I'm speaking figuratively, truth is...I moved out of a place like this when I was eighteen I never...thought id be back Gus: yeah, well, when I was a kid I wanted to be wide receiver for the Chargers (raises eyebrows) (Julie blinks) sometimes life don't work out (we now see the range rover pull up at the trailer park. Kirsten stops the car and we can see Julie on the verandah of the trailer. she puts down one of the bags and sighs, then opens the door. Kirsten watches for a few seconds then looks away, worried) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - I just have to mention over this scene the incredible song Open Invitation by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club plays, it fits the scene perfectly. ok the first thing we see is a close up of a laptops keyboard and fingers over the keys, the N key is pressed. the sht changes and we can see that it is Marissa sitting in front of the laptop, and she is staring at the screen. she puts her hand on her head and then we see what is on the screen, along the top it says GAPS IN EDUCATION/EXPULS underneath that is a white square, and next to it the words "Check this box, if, for any" underneath that is "expelled. PLEASE EX" and then underneath that is a big white square where Marissa has typed "I was involved in". we can now see Marissa again, she takes her hand off her head and closes her eyes. flashback of: Trey trying to kiss Marissa, and then him throwing her down on the sand hard Marissa frowns, upset at the images she is remebering flash of: Trey on top of Marissa, she has a terrifed look on her face Marissa puts her hand on her head and leans forward, after a few seconds she pushes her hair behind her ear and then slowly opens her eyes, she looks at the screen again. we can now see more of the writing as the sht pans across "EXPULSIONS" "for any reason during attending" "PLEASE EXPLAIN BELOW:" Marissa puts her hand up to her mouth and stares helplessly at the screen flash of: Marissa drinking alcohol at the lifeguard tower by herself, then of Marissa and Ryan kissing in each others arms in front of the outdoor fireplace, then of Jimmy smiling, dressed in a suit Marissa rubs her hand over her mouth flash of: a bruised and beaten Jimmy kissing Marissa goodbye on the forehead, then of Marissa hugging a stunned Julie after she finds out Jimmy isn't going to re-marry her, then of Ryan's choking face with Treys hands around his neck Marissa takes her hand away from her mouth, closes her eyes and then opens them again flash of: Ryan still being choked by Trey Marissa sits back in the chair and sighs upset flash of: Marissa struggling to get Trey off of her on the beach, then of Trey whispering near her ear Marissa runs her hand down her face, with her eyes closed flash of: when Trey holds Ryan's head off the floor by his hair we see a close up of Marissa's pained face, she closes her eyes again flash of: Treys wife beater and the blood from the bllet wound dripping we see another close up Marissa's face, she is staring dazed, and pushes her hair behind her ear flash of: Trey straightening up so the blood is running down him now, not dripping we see another close up Marissa's face, she is becoming more upset and agitated, she closes her eyes tightly then puts her hand over her face with her head down. she closes her mouth as if trying to calm herself down flash of: Treys bloody face looking at Marissa, stunned we see another close up of Marissa with her eyes now wide open flash of: a different angle of Trey, he's leaning over so that you can clearly see his bloody mouth Marissa runs both hands down her face, quickly opens her eyes and holds her hands at her chin flash of: the exact moment Marissa fires the gn we see another close up of Marissa's anguished face flash of: the moment the bllet goes through Trey at this moment it all gets too much for Marissa to handle and she screams and pushes everything in front of her to the floor, including the laptop she was trying to write on. she still has her eyes closed. she picks up a few things that didn't get pushed off and throws them hard, with a groan. we then see a close up of her face. she pushes her hair back away from her face and puts her hand over her mouth upset. she sits back down on the chair and moves her hand away, now crying. aww. after a few seconds she puts her hand back over her eyes then pushes one side of her hair back, still crying. she looks completely worn out and vulnerable) {I just have to say Mischa did a hell of a job with this scene, I believed every second of it, and It felt so real, and of course song choice helped make the scene so much more powerful. and the way the flash backs were mixed in with Marissa's break down was unbelievable} CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - we see Sandy walk in. Kirsten is standing at the bench and Seth and Ryan are sitting at the table together Sandy: everyone's here, perfect, hey a college buddy'a mine Paul Glass is in town I invited him over for dinner tonight Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) an what brings Paul to town Sandy: oh something ta do with work Kirsten: something for Berkeley Seth: (looks up from reading) your friend works at Berkeley (Ryan looks at him) Sandy: it's not what you think Seth: (frowns) you mean an ambush Sandy: a resource, you guys might enjoy talkin to him Ryan: (screws up face) sounds like an ambush (smiles) (Sandy looks at Kirsten. Kirsten looks at Sandy) Sandy: its dinner (points) they have'ta eat CUT TO: Summers house - Johnny and Dennis walk up to the front door. Johnny rings the doorbell and Marissa answers the door Marissa: (suprised) hey (goes out, shuts door) what're you guys doin here Dennis: PacWest surf contest (smiles) today's the day, remember Marissa: oh, you know, that's ok (Johnny looks at her) (shrugs) I don't wanna be a downer Johnny: why, what's up (touches Marissa's arm) (inside Summer, holding her laptop, goes to walk up the stairs and she sees Johnny with his hand on Marissa's arm, you can't see Dennis through the door) Marissa: (heard in the background) I tried to write this essay for school an it didn't- (Summer looks worried and goes upstairs) Marissa: if I can't write the essay you know I may as well forget about College Dennis: (shrugs) so forget it, come on tour with us Marissa: (looks at Dennis) what Johnny: that's not a bad idea, you know travel the world give yourself some time to think (Marissa looks from Johnny to Dennis and back to Johnny) Marissa: are you serious Johnny: look, maybe you jus need'a take the pressure off, you know give yourself some time, why not do it in Fiji (Marissa looks at him) jus come to the contest today see what you think (Marissa looks from Johnny to Dennis, thinking) Marissa: (gives in) alright (smiles) give me five minutes (Marissa goes back inside. Johnny and Dennis wait - we then see Marissa coming into Summers room. Summer is lying on her bed using her laptop. Marissa goes to the closet and grabs a top) Summer: hey Marissa: (looks over) hey Summer: was that Johnny an dog boy downstairs Marissa: yeah. Johnny's got this uh big surf contest today, I'm gonna go support him (puts on top) Summer: oh, what about your essay, you know you can use my computer just be gentle with it Marissa: yeah...that...might be put off for a while (fixes top) Summer: what're you talking about (Marissa looks at Summer. Summer raises her eyebrows as if to say "well") CUT TO: Yacht Club - we see Julie walk in, she goes over to Kirsten who is already sitting at a table with a drink Julie: hello (sits) Kirsten: mm (swallows) hey Julie (smiles) glad you were free Julie: oh well I cant stay long, did I tell you I'm moving, its such a hassle but the new place its beautiful Kirsten: well then ill get right to it...how would you like to go inta business together Julie: (suprised) what Kirsten: well, think about it, the magazine the fundraiser, we'd make a good team Julie: Kirsten...I don't need your charity Kirsten: (looks at Julie) then...why are you living in a trailer (Julie looks shocked) I-I'm sorry, I followed you yesterday Julie: (looks down, embarrassed) well then I certainly hope your opening a detective agency Kirsten: its not charity, I'm going crazy doing nothing, I need this Julie: (looks at Kirsten) well...if you need it I guess (Kirsten smiles at Julie. Julie smiles back) Kirsten: just one thing, if we're gonna be partners I need to know what happened to Charlotte (Julie looks stunned) she cant be with her dad she hates her dad...oh god she didn't relapse did she (Julie looks at Kirsten, thinking. Kirsten looks at Julie frowning) Julie: ...no she couldn't because she's not an alcoholic Kirsten: uh what're you talking about Julie: (closes eyes) oh Kirsten I never wanted to tell you this (Kirsten listens) Charlotte...went ta rehab to find a...rich vulnerable woman she could exploit...she's a con artist, I'm so sorry Kirsten: (confused) but the fundraiser (raises eyebrows) Julie: (nods) a scam, she was planning on taking that money with her, but I stopped her at the last minute Kirsten: (looks at Julie) oh my god (Julie looks at her) you were in on it Julie: Kirsten (Kirsten leans down and grabs her bag) Julie: Kirsten let me explain (Kirsten leaves, dazed. Julie sits there helplessly) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer opens the door and Seth is standing there. Summer notices that he is carrying a bag with him Summer: what is it Cohen Seth: we need'a talk (walks in) I brought visual aid (empties bag on the bed) Summer: (looks at the bed, frowns) boarding school stuff (we see what Summer is seeing which is a whole heap of brochures and things, including one with Choate written on it) Seth: my entire life I have wanted to get as far away from Newport as possible an the only reason I didn't...is because Ryan came (points) an you started talking to me an I'm very glad I stayed (Summer folds her arms) but...now I have'ta go Summer: fine, I get it, but what's your plan for us (Seth raises his eyebrows) emails, phone calls see each other once every two months Seth: or (walks into ribbons hanging down which throws him, lol) or you could come with me Summer: no (gets on the bed) look you've always wanted ta go east, I've always wanted to stay west Seth: well but don't you think that may- Summer: but what, my dreams are not as important as yours Seth: Summer I'm tryin'ta make this work (Summer looks at him) I feel like your jus writing this off (Summer raises her eyebrows) you don't see Ryan an Marissa givin up Summer: ...not yet anyway Seth: what'does that mean (Summer looks at Seth and goes to start talking) CUT TO: The beach - we see a sht of the water from underneath, it's gorgeous. you can see the sun shining through and a surfer on his surfboard. we then see a few different shts of surfers out in the waves. then a whole crowd of people standing on the sand, there are different coloured flags set up. we then see 2 girls sun-baking and finally surfers running to the water holding their surfboards. Marissa is standing on the sand watching them. Johnny and Dennis head over to Marissa Dennis: you don't have'ta go try an be a big hero, I'm tellin you man, there is no shame in playing it safe (points) Marissa tell him Marissa: (turns around) tell him what Dennis: the rest of our lives, Costa Rica, Fiji Hawaii it-all rides-on-today Johnny: (nods) way ta take the pressure off me (Dennis grins) Marissa: hey, you're gonna be great out there Johnny: thanks, gotta get to the staging area, see you guy's later (leaves) Dennis: bye (points) Marissa: so, is this what next years gonna be like, just...hanging out on the beach watching Johnny surf Dennis: (shrugs) that an scorin hot foreign babes Marissa: (nods, raises eyebrows) great Dennis: by the way I forgot to tell you, I talked to some people that I know, they think they can get you a job as a label rep for the tour Marissa: (suprised) wow Dennis: yeah, so if your serious about it, let me know, ill make it happen (Dennis walks away, Marissa watches him and then looks as though she's thinking) CUT TO: Cohen foyer - Seth comes through the front door and Ryan comes down the stairs Ryan: hey man Seth: hi (goes over to the stairs) Ryan: what's up, everything alright (Seth drops the bag sighs dramatically and sits down on the stairs) Seth: (dramatically) you would think that we could deal with next year...I don't know next year but no its gotta screw up this year too Ryan: yeah Marissa an I have some'a that too Seth: yeah (looks at Ryan) by the way have you spoken to her today Ryan: no I was on my way ta...see if she wanted'a grab lunch (frowns) why Seth: (motions) have a seat I don't wanna tell you this standin up (Ryan looks at Seth and then goes to sit down) CUT TO: The diner- through the window we see Taylor walking up. she walks in and goes over to Summers booth and sits down across from her Summer: thanks for coming Taylor Taylor: well it was no problem at all Summer Summer: I jus wanna uh talk to you about next year- Taylor: well first of all let me just say that where I apply to College is frankly none of your business (Summer looks at her) and if some of those schools happen ta cross with Seth's well- Summer: Taylor, shut up ok (Taylor looks at her) you can have him (Taylor looks confused) go ta Brown or wherever you smart people go, he's yours (nods) Taylor: (laughs) this is a ploy (points) isn't it Summer: no, its life, he's going to Rhode Island an I'm going to Arizona (raises eyebrows) Taylor: I-I well I just thought you guys would do the whole long distance thing Summer: please an struggle along, break up at Thanksgiving an hook up at Christmas an then break up again in January when we're both back at school Taylor: (frowns) but you could still apply to a school near to him Summer: could you imagine me on the east coast (frowns) id be like one'a those animals that they rip from their natural habitat an put in the zoo (screws up face) my fur would get all mangy, id throw dung at people it'd be awful Taylor: ah-huh, you know I'm almost offended that you think I would believe that sort of idiotic lie (Summer nods, Taylor looks at her) Summer: you want the truth Taylor (Taylor looks at her) what if he goes to college an meets a bunch of really smart, an interesting girls an realises that that's who he's spose'ta be with Taylor: (nods) an that uh your just his High School girlfriend (Summer looks down, almost sadly) cute your fun to be with but um...doesn't want his kids ta have your DNA (smiles) Summer: (softly) yeah (puts money on the table) maybe we should just end it, you know Taylor: Summer Summer: (sadly) you be nice to him ok (Summer leaves and Taylor looks as though she's thinking) CUT TO: The beach - we see some surfers coming out of the water, the crowd cheering and then Dennis, Marissa and Johnny heading over to the jeep Dennis: that was so awesome Marissa: yeah you were amazing Johnny: yeah I caught some great waves Dennis: oooh an modest, I'm gonna go see when there announcin the teams (walks down the beach) (Johnny puts his surfboard in the back) Johnny: I'm gonna call my mom, let her know how I did, she's workin up at San Jose this weekend (Marissa nods and Johnny dials. we see Johnny on the phone and in the background Ryan pulls up. he gets out and doesn't look happy. Marissa sees him and Ryan walks over to her) Marissa: hey Ryan: hey, heard you were here Marissa: yeah Johnny was competing Ryan: what's goin on, last night you say you wanna go to college an now you're...you're doin this Marissa: Ryan, I tried ta write the essay (shakes head) I-I couldn't Ryan: ok well ill help you Marissa: no I really don't think you can (Ryan looks at her) Johnny: hey, Ryan (smiles) thanks for comin man (Ryan looks at Johnny then away. Marissa looks at Johnny. Johnny looks from Marissa to Ryan) Johnny: what's up Ryan: did'you tell Marissa she should blow off college Marissa: of course not Ryan: ok then explain what your doin here (Marissa looks at him) Johnny: dude no offense but... maybe you jus don't understand what she's goin through (Ryan looks at Johnny as if to you say "you've gotta be kidding me" Marissa looks down) Ryan: (to Marissa) is that what you think Marissa: no ok, I think it's complicated (we now see the the stage where the surf teams are announced. the crowd in front of it is clapping and cheering etc) Guy: (in mic) what's up everybody (we see Dennis in the crowd, waiting to hear. he's jumping up and down excitedly) Guy: yeah, alright we're about to announce this years PacWest surf team but before we do that lets give it up for the surfers out there huh (Dennis runs to get Johnny) Dennis: (calls) Johnny! (we see Johnny, Marissa and Ryan standing by the jeep. Ryan doesn't look happy) Dennis: (off screen) Johnny! Johnny: hey look can we talk about this later Ryan: you know what, you two talk I'm done (leaves) Dennis: (jumps, waves) Johnny! (Johnny looks at Dennis, Marissa starts to follow Ryan) Johnny: (stops Marissa) no wait (Marissa stops and looks at Johnny) Dennis: (calls) Johnny! (Johnny looks at Dennis again, torn. Marissa starts walking) Johnny: ill get him Dennis: (off screen) Johnny! Johnny: (runs, calls) Ryan (out of nowhere a car makes a sharp turn and hits Johnny as he heads over to Ryan. he hits the windscreen hard and rolls off the top of the car, into the air and then lands on the ground) Marissa: (yells) Johnny! (Marissa and Ryan both run to Johnny. Dennis watches stunned) Guy: Johnny Harper, Johnny Harper where are you (we see the person in the car get out, and then Johnny lying face down on the ground. Ryan runs over to him and Marissa stands there stunned. Ryan looks up at Marissa and then back down at Johnny's bloody and grazed face) Ryan: (yells) somebody call an ambulance (Ryan touches Johnny's head and one of his arms) CUT TO: The hospital - we see a plaque that says VISITING HOURS. around the corner from that we can see Dennis, Marissa and Ryan sitting in the waiting room. Dennis has his feet up on the chair next to him. Ryan looks over at Marissa, Marissa glances at him and then looks away. Ryan looks down (a woman in blue scrubs comes over) W: were you all with Johnny Harper Dennis: yeah (stands) he's gonna be ok right W: uh, does he have a parent here Marissa: um his moms flying in from San Jose, how is he W: lucky (nods) the only real damage is to his knee, there's been a clean tear of the ACL, some bone damage, he's gonna require surgery Dennis: when's he gonna be able to surf again W: I'm less worried about him surfing than when he's gonna walk again (we see close ups of Dennis, Marissa and Ryan's worried faces) W: he'll be awake in an hour if you wanna see him (Dennis puts his hands on his head. Marissa looks at him) Dennis: (leaves) I can't deal with this (Ryan and Marissa look at each other) Ryan: it's my fault, he was comin after me when he got ht Marissa: Ryan lets not do this now ok (Ryan looks at her) (softly) but you should probably go (Ryan frowns) Sandy'll be wondering where you are (Ryan looks at Marissa. Marissa looks at Ryan) Marissa: (points) I think I should go find Chili Ryan: (nods) ill call you (Ryan watches Marissa walk away) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten and Seth are at the bench preparing the food. Seth is cutting up bread. Sandy walks in with Paul Glass Sandy: (smiles) Kirsten, look who I found Paul: oh I heard this is where Newport's newest culinary talent lives (hugs Kirsten) Kirsten: ooh Paul its good to see you (Paul smiles) Paul: hey Sandy: an you remember Seth (points) Paul: (shakes Seth's hands) oh sure last time I saw you were in a Berkeley onesie Seth: oh (to Sandy) thankyou for that Sandy: why don't you run upstairs, put it on (smiles) (Seth isn't amused. Ryan comes in) Sandy: and uh oh an here's-here's Ryan (points) Paul Glass Ryan: hi Paul: Ryan (shakes Ryan's hand) nice to meet you Kirsten: uh Seth why don't you grab the bread an then we can all go outside Seth: sure (to Paul) uh after you (Paul walks in front of Kirsten and Seth, and then they follow behind him) Sandy: so how's your friend Ryan: I think he's gonna be ok, at least I hope Sandy: good good, what'do you say we get somethin'a eat (touches Ryan's arm) Ryan: yeah (Ryan takes a plate and starts heading outside) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - we hear a knock at the door and Summer opens it. Taylor is standing there. Summer notices that she's holding a bag like Seth was Summer: what is it with people showing up with bags Taylor: I bought you something (walks in) (Taylor puts the bag down on the bed. Summer stands at the side of the bed with her arms folded. Taylor pulls out a sweatshirt with PROVIDENCE printed on it, and then another article of clothing but I can't tell what that is) Summer: Providence College (frowns) Taylor: it has good Catholic values, admission standards a little more in your wheelhouse and uh best of all its...twenty minutes from Brown (looks at Summer) Summer: (touched) Taylor Taylor: look Summer...who knows what's gonna happen in the future but for right now Seth loves you an your not even giving him a chance Summer: why are you doing this Taylor: I figured Brown was uh a little Vanity Fair for my taste an now I'm considering the Sorbonne Summer: no I mean (laughs) why...are you being so nice (sits on the bed) Taylor: ...well pathetic as it sounds you an Seth are pretty much my best friends (Summer looks at her) and uh...lets face it I never really had a sht with him (shakes head) Summer: (closes eyes) Taylor we are your friends (nods) Taylor: (laughs) really (Summer nods) um because I jus got Kieslowski's Decalogue on DVD an like (excited) I don't know I don't know if your inta Polish cinema but maybe you could come over an we could have like a sleep over marathon an (stops) (Summer slightly shakes her head) no, sorry, ok (laughs) (Taylor grabs her bag and goes to leave. Summer watches her) Taylor: keep in touch Summer (nods) (Taylor leaves and Summer looks down, thinking) CUT TO: Cohen backyard - Paul, Sandy, Kirsten, Seth & Ryan are all sitting around the table together Paul: so anyway it was Halloween an I set Sandy up with a roommate of this girl that I was dating Sandy: I didn't have a costume (Kirsten smiles) so when I went to pick her up I...I put a bag over my head Kirsten: I felt like I was dating the elephant man (looks at Ryan/Seth) Seth: oooh uh (unamused) Paul: you know supposedly something like fifty percent (Kirsten and Sandy smile at each other) of people meet their future mates in college (looks at Ryan/Seth) you two...have girlfriends (Ryan and Seth look at each other. Ryan doesn't know what to say, lol) Seth: uhhh Paul: um..? Sandy: yes (phone rings) Kirsten: uh, I'm gonna get that (stands) Paul: sure Seth: I don't know anymore... Ryan: me either Paul: alright so what'do you call a black guy who fly's a plane (Sandy looks at Ryan/Seth. Ryan looks at Seth) Seth: uhhhh Paul: a pilot you freakin r*cist (Sandy laughs, Paul laughs. Ryan and Seth just look at them - inside Kirsten goes to grab the phone, we hear the answering machine) Msg: Kirsten: hey its the Cohen's we can't come to the phone right now so leave us a message, thanks (beep) (Kirsten looks at the phone and listens) Julie: Kirsten it's me...look I know you probably never wanna see me again I just...wanted to say I'm sorry again (Kirsten listens) after everything you've done you...you deserve a better friend than me (beep) (Kirsten closes her eyes and looks down - back outside Sandy and Paul are still laughing with each other. Kirsten walks back up to the table) Kirsten: oh, I'm sorry uh I have'ta run, it was really good to see you Paul (shakes Paul's hand) Paul: yeah it was great ta see you too Sandy: (worried) is everything ok Kirsten: oh it's fine, ill be back in a half an hour (Kirsten walks down the stairs as Summer is walking up) Kirsten: oh Summer (Seth looks over) Summer: hi (hopeful) I was um hoping that I could talk to Seth Seth: excuse me (stands) Kirsten: (in the background) oh sure he's-he's right over there (Seth jumps down the stairs. Ryan looks at Paul, Paul looks from Ryan to Sandy, Sandy looks at Paul) Sandy: an then there were three CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Summer walks in and Seth follows her Seth: oh thank you, if I had'ta listen to one more Berkeley anecdote (shakes head) (Summer shuts the door, she's carrying a bag, lol) Summer: c'mere (Summer puts the bag down on Seth's bed and pulls out the cutest winter hat) Summer: how does this go (puts hat on Seth's head) Seth: ok it's not that cold but Summer: (picks up another winter hat) nope, I wanna see what we are going'ta look like next year (puts hat on	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x08 - The Game Plan"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Driving - the first thing we see is breathtaking aerial shts of the beach then of surfers out in the waves, after a few seconds of the water we then see a close up of Johnny. we cant see yet but he is in the back seat with Marissa. Ryan is driving and Seth is in the passenger seat. Johnny is looking out the window then looks in Ryan's direction Johnny: you guys seriously thankyou Marissa: sure, we're happy ta help Ryan: not a problem man Seth: I'm just along for the ride but your welcome (Ryan looks at him) Johnny: you didn't have'ta do this Marissa: (looks at Johnny) come on yeah we did (Johnny looks at her) I mean Chili's outta town, your moms at work, we weren't gonna let you take the bus Ryan: yep, takin a bus never seems ta end up well around here Johnny: (taps Ryan) it's this one up on the right (we see a few houses, one is noticeably smaller/plainer than the others) Marissa: aww the one with the white trim (smiles) Johnny: no it's...the one next to it (Marissa looks over and we see that Johnny's house is the small, plainer looking one. Ryan stops the car out the front) Johnny: (takes off seatbelt) the infinity pools in the back Seth: dude don't even worry about it you should see where (points) Ryan grew up Johnny: (embarrassed) we're movin soon, after I go pro, a year on the circuit (Ryan nods) save some money buy my mom a house in the flowered streets, it may seem a little optimistic now but Marissa: no Johnny: well thanks again Seth: yeah, see ya (Johnny opens the door) Marissa: here, let me help you Johnny: no I'm-I'm fine, you're all gonna be late for school (Johnny gets out of the car with his crutches. Marissa hands him his bag and what looks like medication) Marissa: don't forget Johnny: oh, thanks, alright (shuts door, nods) Ryan: see ya (they watch as Johnny uses his crutches to get to the bottom of the stairs. he drops his bag when he tries to get up the first step. Marissa looks worried, and then we see him drop his crutch when he tries to pick up his bag) Ryan: ok definitely not fine (we then see Johnny with his left crutch and bag, and the right crutch lying next to him) Seth: (looks away, screws up face) I can't watch this Marissa: I have a free period right now (looks at Ryan) Ryan: (looks at Marissa) yeah you should stay, help him get settled (Seth is looking out the window again) Marissa: you think Ryan: ill see you tonight, we'll catch up get somethin ta eat (Marissa leans over and kisses Ryan on the cheek. Marissa then gets out of the car and runs over to help Johnny. Marissa picks up Johnny's bag and holds him under the left arm to help him get up the stairs) Johnny: no no I'm fine (back in the car Seth looks away from the window and towards Ryan with a frown, but before he can get a word out) Ryan: don't speak, kid has no one (we see Johnny and Marissa now almost at the front door. Marissa reaches over to open the door for Johnny) Ryan: an I trust Marissa (we see the front door close and hear the car start) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Cohen kitchen - Kirsten and Julie are sitting together at the end of the table. they have papers in front of them and coffees Kirsten: so, I was thinking our new business could provide somethinggggg that's missing in Newport (looks at Julie) Julie: but we've got everything Kirsten: not a great book store (Julie looks at her) latest fiction, authors giving readings (drinks) Julie: (unenthusiastically) huh, interesting, but I was thinking that our new business could provide something that Newport actually wants Kirsten: ok Julie (looks at Julie) what's your idea Julie: ok, I was reading in Stuff magazine about this service where you can get this girl come an clean your house Kirsten: I think there called housekeepers an Newport is definitely onta that trend (nods) Julie: (looks at Kirsten) not housekeepers nude - maids (smiles) Kirsten: who wants ta see their maids nude Julie: not maids Kirsten there strippers Kirsten: (raises eyebrows) who wants a stripper doing their laundry (Sandy walks in) Sandy: oh as long as she knows how ta iron my shirts the way I like em, wrinkle free an not too starchy (grins) (Kirsten smiles) Julie: Sandy gets it, just a few weeks at the Newport Group he's already thinking like a businessman (dramatically) you've gotta give the people what they want Sandy: exactly, an right now I'm tryin'a give people without alotta money a decent place ta live, Matt set up a big meeting with some potential investors Julie: ew (screws up face) Sandy (Kirsten looks at her) I don't think I'm in favor of low income housing Kirsten: Julie you live in a trailer park (Sandy half laughs) Julie: an I am highly motivated ta change my circumstances, if you make being poor too comfortable what's the incentive ta get rich, believe me if anyone should know (points to herself) Sandy: wow (raises eyebrows) on that uplifting note ill leave you two ta hash out the finer points of the free market economy (kisses Kirsten, leaves) Kirsten: look why don't we do something that we know Newport needs an we're already good at Julie: (looks at Kirsten) I'm blanking Kirsten: party planning (Julie slowly nods) ill cater charity events, private dinners (moves head side to side) Julie: we know all the vendors, all the sites (Kirsten nods) already have a huge client base (smiles) Kirsten: mm-hmm (nods) Julie: I'm in (smiles) (Kirsten smiles, Julie and Kirsten clink their coffee cups together) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Ryan are walking in the hall together Seth: Marissa called Ryan: (looks at Seth) I jus dropped her off, why would she call, she's busy (Summer walks in front of them) Seth: hey Summer: hey guys, can't talk I have'ta go see Dr. Kim Seth: (teasingly) are ya in trouble Summer: (looks at Seth) uh no I have'ta change my college file I got my SAT score Seth: Summer we got our SAT scores back months ago (Ryan goes over to his locker) Summer: (stops, frowns) oh, well I took mine late remember there was a Valley marathon on the first time around Ryan: (looks over) how'd you do Seth: Ryan come on you never ask a lady her age weight or SAT score Summer: (caually) I got a twenty three hundred (unsure if its good) (Ryan and Seth look at Summer, stunned) Summer: (oblivious) what, that bad (frowns) Seth: that (Ryan looks at him) good Summer: (suprised) hmm (almost smugly) as good as you Cohen Ryan: (softly) better Seth: (thrown) by...just the tiniest...bit Summer: huh (nods) Seth: you know I read a study once that said that if fifteen hundred third graders took the SAT one would get a perfect score by probability alone Summer: yeah, well I'm not a third grader Cohen (shakes head) Seth: no no I'm not saying you are but I mean how else d'you explain it Summer: I don't know (shrugs and walks away) Seth: (thinks, frowns) how is that even possible Ryan: eh, she did save Chrismukkah (walks away) (Seth stands there frowning, he is clearly not happy with the "Summer is smarter than me" development) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Johnny is sitting on the couch and Marissa is helping him get comfortable. she has a blanket in her hands and is leaning over him Marissa: ok, so you've got your blanket (puts blanket over Johnny) (Johnny looks uncomfortable) pillows, um what else the remote (puts remote in Johnny's lap) magazines, alright just call me if you need anything ok Johnny: (slightly pointed, softly) don't wait by the phone (Marissa looks at him) (nicer) I mean since you've pretty much thought of everything (takes phone from Marissa, half smiles) Marissa: well maybe I should stop by after school give you your homework Johnny: oh ill get it later Marissa: is everything ok, cause if I didn't know any better id think you were tryin'a get rid'a me (Johnny's mom lets herself in. she's on the phone) J's mom: whatever you could do would help Johnny: ma hey J's mom: please call me right away if anything changes, thanks again (hangs up) baby how you feelin Johnny: ma this is um (points) J's mom: the famous Marissa Cooper Marissa: hi (smiles) J's mom: c'mere sweetie (Marissa holds her hand out to shake and Johnny's mom hugs her) J's mom: oh Johnny talks about you so much I feel like I know you already (moves side to side while still hugging) (Marissa and J's mom stop hugging and look at each other, both smiling) J's mom: (to Johnny) (gasps) you didn't tell me she was (whispers) gorgeous Johnny: (looks at his mom) ma you're embarrassing her J's mom: sorry (Marissa smiles) (Marissa and J's mom sit down) J's mom: listen thankyou for bringin him home, tried ta get someone ta cover for me at the nursing home but no one wants the night shift go figure Johnny: mom Marissa has'ta get ta class your gonna make her late (Marissa looks from Johnny to his mom) J's mom: well just wait, I've got some good news, I got you an appointment...with the best sports medicine doctor in all of Orange County (Johnny smiles, Marissa smiles) a real fancy orthopedic surgeon works with the Angels an the Ducks Johnny: thanks ma J's mom: one hitch...being that he's so in demand there's a wait list...an the waits gonna be a little while Johnny: ...what like a week J's mom: seemed kinda more like months Johnny: but the team will be gone then ill miss the tour (Marissa looks at him worried) J's mom: I know honey, but there's always next year Marissa: an maybe there's a way ta get moved up on the list J's mom: oh no I tried but you know they give these favors ta friends any donors to the hospital (to Johnny) babe (Johnny looks at her) I'm sorry I-I did the best I could (Johnny forces a smile, Marissa looks at him, thinking) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth is sitting on the couch in the student lounge reading. Summer walks over to him and sits down Summer: hi Seth: (looks up) hey Summer: you are not gonna believe this, so it turns out that I am totally smart Seth: yeah you are, in your own way (touches Summers leg) Summer: not in my own way (points to herself) in your way (points) to, apparently I have alot of what they call (does quotation with one hand) aptitude Seth: really Summer: Dr. Kim told me that like every few years she has a female student that turns out ta be like...academically gifted that jus didn't apply herself (Seth frowns) you know jus focusing more on boys an shopping an (raises eyebrows) celebrity gossip (Seth nods) she said if I study for my finals I could get my grades up enough ta go ta Brown with you (Seth is suprised) wouldn't that be awesome Seth: (unconvincingly) yeah...sure, uh but uh you know d'you ev- do you wanna go ta Brown Summer: well now I do, Dr. Kim said that you can make your own major an the school colours are seal brown, how cute are seals Seth: mmm (nods) Summer: an then look, well there having this thing (shows paper) tomorrow um for prospective students (Seth looks) an I thought we could go together Seth: (slightly nods) ok yeah hmm, sounds like a date (looks at Summer, nods) Summer: (smiles) ok (Seth looks down) what you reading Seth: hmm, uhh it's just uh Fear an Trembling it's a Kierkegaard (Summer looks at him) he's the godfather of existentialism sort of invented the concept of angst Summer: (looks at Seth seriously) hmm, well now that I'm smart I'm sure ill enjoy it Seth: hmm (Summer puts her head against Seth's head and rubs his chest, reading with Seth. Seth pats the hand that Summer has on his chest. awww they look so cute!) CUT TO: Cohen family room, night - Sandy and Matt are in there together with a model of the low income housing development. Kirsten is in the kitchen, in the background Sandy: alright ill do the welcome, explain our philosophy, present the model (points) Matt: an ill follow up with the numbers Kirsten: what about Thai for dinner Sandy: sounds great, happy days are here again (smiles) (Kirsten smiles) Matt: you two are so perfect together uh its almost painful ta be around Sandy: well we've ben workin on it for about twenty five years, your bound ta get it right eventually (frowns) what about you, there's a girlfriend in Chicago Matt: yeah, yeah she's a great girl Sandy: I look forward ta meeting her (Ryan and Seth come in) Sandy: well here's a couple'a guys who know a thing or two about romance (Ryan frowns) Seth, Ryan meet Matt Ramsey Ryan: hey (shakes Matt's hand) Sandy: Matt meet my boys Seth: hey there (Matt shakes Seth's hand) Sandy: Matt an I are workin on the proposal for our affordable housing development Seth: oooh that's my cue ta go help mom with dinner (goes to the kitchen) Ryan: (looks) this is it huh Sandy: yep Matt: (sits) it's an early version but pretty much Ryan: you guys probably don't want my two cents (crouches) but uh Sandy: why, no-no-no (nods) go ahead Ryan: well (points) you put a wall up here turns this whole space into a courtyard Sandy: add some benches, a playground, good idea Ryan: it's just a thought (Sandy looks at Matt) Matt: your a senior right (Ryan looks at him then Sandy) applying ta college Ryan: yeah Matt: what would look better on a resume than an internship with a prestigious development company (looks at Sandy) I mean if it's cool with the boss Sandy: we could use the help Matt: you got any plans tonight Ryan: uh yeah with my girlfriend Matt: cancel em (Sandy smiles. Ryan half laughs and looks at Sandy) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Johnny is on the lounge doing his homework, with his leg resting on the coffee table. Marissa is sitting in front of the coffee table using a laptop Marissa: well this is the doctors homepage...an it says here he works out of Hoag Hospital, my moms done a bunch of charity's for them an (looks at Johnny) Summers dad even works there so this is kinda perfect Johnny: ...Marissa, I appreciate everything but (Marissa looks at him) (sighs) you can't do this Marissa: why because I might one day decide ta become a surfer (frowns) get ht by a bus, need surgery an then realise I used my one good favor with the best doctor in town, yeah I don't think that's gonna happen Johnny: ...jus don't want you ta think this is your problem (we hear a knock) Marissa: too late, hang on Summers picking me up (stands) oop sorry (Marissa steps over Johnny's leg then goes and opens the door. Summer is standing there) Marissa: hey Summer: hey, you ready ta go (Marissa's cell phone rings) Marissa: oh hang on (looks at who is calling) oh its Ryan we're sposed'a have dinner tonight I should (motions, then goes outside) hey Ryan Summer: (waves) hi Johnny: (softly) you have'ta help me Summer: well I thought Marissa was helping you Johnny: she is, she's driving me feeding me bringing me my homework, now she's tryin'a get me in with some doctor Summer: (confused) well she's a good friend I...don't see the problem Johnny: no she's too nice, she's spending too much time with me Summer: yeah well she tends ta be a little clingy Johnny: no it's not that I don't like it (Summer looks at him) it's that I do...alot Summer: (softly) I called this like so long ago! this...this is a major problem Johnny: not for anybody but me ok, jus don't tell anyone (Summer looks at him unsure) promise (Marissa walks back inside) Marissa: hey, what'd I miss (Johnny looks down at his homework and Summer looks at Marissa and smiles) CUT TO: Summers house, next morning - Summer and Marissa are standing outside near the front door, there are stairs in front of them which they walk down to get to Summers car Marissa: thanks for dropping me Sum, hey you think maybe you could pick me up too Summer: oh well maybe you should ask Ryan Marissa: oh I think he's gotta go ta the Newport Group after school Summer: oh, I guess I could swing by Union Marissa: oh actually can you pick me up at Johnny's cause I'm gonna drop off his homework and hopefully he'll know about the doctor by then (they are now at Summers car. Marissa opens the door) Marissa: hey, you think maybe you could ask your dad ta put in a good word Summer: yeah I guess, are you sure (gets in the car) I don't know that's the best idea...you being all involved in Johnny's life (worried) you guys are getting really close Marissa: (puts seatbelt on) yeah well he doesn't really have anyone else...I mean his moms sweet but (Summer looks at her) jus seems like everything's kinda hard for her you know, I'm jus tryin'a help Summer: ok, ill talk ta my dad (smiles) you know the sooner that Johnny gets on his feet (raises eyebrows) the sooner you don't have'ta be his nurse maid Marissa: I kinda like being his nurse maid (shrugs, smiles) ...you know maybe I should be a nurse Summer: (laughs) that is a good one (Summer starts the car) CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Seth are walking together in the halls Seth: so was Marissa totally cool with you canceling on her last night Ryan: didn't have a problem with it Seth: but d'you have a problem with it Ryan: (frowns) why would I- I cancelled on her (Ryan goes over to his locker) Seth: yeah but if you cancelled on me id have a problem with it an you know if I cancelled on you an you didn't have a problem with it then I might have a problem with that Ryan: (looks at Seth) it sounds like you already got a problem (shuts locker, points) an not with me Seth: who would my problem be with Ryan: I don't know cause I think it's really great that Summers a genius Seth: (defensive, shakes head) whoa, whoa whoa no listen Dr. Kim said she had some untapped potential (squints) no one went around usin the G word Ryan: (looks at Seth) don't do this man Seth: do what (shakes head) Ryan: compete with Summer Seth: why, because...d'you think Summer would win (Ryan looks at Seth for a few seconds before walking away) CUT TO: The Yacht Club - Kirsten and Julie are sitting at a table together having a business lunch Kirsten: so I figured out what our start up costs'll be Julie: d'you wanna share an appetizer crab cakes Kirsten: sounds good, we can charge food an liquor on a per event basis, dishes an linen we have'ta figure out whether it's worth buying our own or not Julie: (not listening) mmm you know what I'm really craving, sweet corn ravioli, or d'you think that'll be too heavy with the crab cakes Kirsten: (looks at Julie) what I think is, is that you don't find this business very interesting Julie: oh I'm sorry (closes menu) Kiki um I've jus ben eating alot of ramen lately Kirsten: Julie if this business works, you'll never have'ta boil your dinner again (nods) (Julie smiles) (frowns) I had a supplier list, well I left it in the car, ill be right back Julie: ill decide on my order while you're gone (touches menu) (Kirsten looks at her) or read some spread sheets (Julie picks up a stack of papers. Kirsten leaves. in the background a man who is sitting at the bar looks over at Julie, smiles and gives a slight nod, Julie notices and gives him a smile and then looks back down. the man walks over to her. we find out that his name is Jeff in a minute) Jeff: so I see you're suddenly uh without a lunch date, care ta join me at the bar for a drink Julie: no, my friend will be back shortly (smiles) Jeff: (nods) well maybe I can buy you both drinks Julie: well she's an alcoholic and uh we're having a business lunch, we're partners (Jeff looks at her) (quickly adds) in a business Jeff: really (Julie smiles) what kinda business (sits) Julie: well (the next thing we see is Kirsten walking back in with papers in her hands. she looks over and sees Julie laughing with Jeff. she has a "why am I not suprised" expression then she goes over to the table) Kirsten: hey Julie Julie: Kirsten, oh this is Jeff Grenzel (Jeff stands) uh this is my business partner Kirsten Cohen Kirsten: (shakes Jeff's hand) nice to meet you, uh we were in the middle of something if you'll excuse us Julie: actually I invited Jeff ta join us for lunch (Kirsten looks at her) he jus hired us, to do a dinner party at his house this weekend (Kirsten looks from Julie to Jeff) Jeff: for five thousand dollars (raises eyebrows) Kirsten: (stunned) oh, well, have a seat (smiles) (Jeff and Kirsten sit down) Julie: (smiles) do you like crab cakes CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Summer are in the student lounge together for the Brown thing Summer: hey, Ashley, Madison (we see two girls walking towards Summer) Madison: Summer, hey Summer: what's up Ashley: didn't expect ta see you here Madison: at a Brown event Ashley: no offense Summer: oh none taken (shakes head) (Seth looks as though he feels bad for Summer. Madison and Ashley smile and then walk off. Seth looks worried) Seth: you know maybe we should just leave Summer: why Seth: well...you know Summer: you don't think I belong here Seth: no its not that its jus you know you don't have'ta do this for me Summer: oh this isn't about you (shakes head) Seth: ...it isn't...because this has ben my dream for years an I mean...all of a sudden its yours too Summer: (nods) well maybe I never had a dream...you know maybe for once in my life I actually wanna do something with my life, like something important (Seth listens) be the first woman in space or win one'a those noble prizes Seth: Summer women'a ben goin'ta space since the sixties an it's not noble prizes its Nobel (Summer looks at him) Marie Curie won in nineteen o three for discovering Radium Summer: (nods) ...well I think you've made your point Seth: hey hey hey hey hey don't leave Summer: oh I'm not leaving, look you may know more about history an science an stuff but...I know a thing or two about working a room (walks away, calls) hey Madison wait up CUT TO: Newport Group - Matt is in his office and Ryan is in there with him sitting on the couch writing. Matt leans back in his chair and looks as though he's thinking Ryan: (looks up) you alright Matt: yeah uh (sits up) I jus got alot on my mind (Ryan looks at him) I promised it wouldn't interfere with my work Ryan: this job means alot to ya huh Matt: kinda means everything (looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at him) ...I relocated...to do this with Sandy...an my girlfriend uh well my ex now I guess, I took her down ta Cabo last weekend an invited her ta join me here...as my wife...it turns out she doesn't like warm weather...or me (Ryan is now sitting in the chair in front of Matt's desk) Ryan: have you told Sandy this Matt: it's not his problem...Sandy's a good guy...an he's takin a big chance on me...I won't let him down Ryan: yeah tell me about it (raises eyebrows) (we hear a knock. Sandy walks in) Sandy: guys I hate ta do this to ya but my plates full Matt: whatever it is, put it right out of your mind, Ryan an I are on it, its already done Sandy: there's legislation in the works that would change the zoning at the site (Matt looks at him) I need you ta work out both scenarios one if it passes one if it doesn't (puts large folder down) Matt: ...that means twice the work (looks at folder) (Sandy nods) Ryan: (to Sandy) well maybe you could reschedule the meeting Sandy: I would if I could but I cant these guys are comin tomorrow on a Saturday an then headin straight down ta San Diego ta look at another development Matt: fourteen hours, laptop, coffee, Ryan an I are good ta go Sandy: that's the spirit, thanks (leaves) Ryan: hey are we gonna have time ta get ready cause if not we should tell him now (points) Matt: uh come on, take a little fieldtrip (Matt stands. Ryan frowns) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer is standing with Madison and Ashley at the Brown thing still Summer: you guys next year is gonna be so much fun (in the background we can see Seth listening) Summer: you know maybe we should drive together like have a road trip, sht gn (the guy from Brown gets everyone's attention) Eric: excuse me, if I could have your attention please (everyone looks) I just wanna thankyou all for coming, great group Summer: so true (Summer and Seth look at each other then back at the Brown guy) Eric: but unfortunately on average Brown only admits one student a year from Harbor...and its stiff competition (Summer and Seth look at each other) I wish I could admit you all but enjoy the event an good luck (thankyou Eric is heard faintly in the background. everyone claps. Seth goes over to Summer) Seth: hey can I talk ta you for a second Summer: um no I need'ta talk ta the Brown guy, hey hi um I was wondering in your opinion what makes a student stand out Seth: yes besides good grades (looks at Summer) Summer: an high SAT scores (looks at Seth) Eric: well all our applicants are...leaders at their schools, what it really takes is a hook Summer: (nods) fascinating (smiles) Seth: ok ok an could you clarify with an example Eric: sure, say the cellist in our string quartet was graduating an you played the cello CUT TO: Johnny's house - Marissa and Johnny's mom are hugging each other J's mom: next week (gasps) that is great news I can't believe it (we now see that Johnny is standing behind them near the doorway that separates the kitchen from the living room) Marissa: its really not that big'a deal, you know it turns out Summers dads a plastic surgeon at the same hospital an they jus knew each other (shrugs) (looks at Johnny) I'm glad it worked out though (Johnny looks down) J's mom: this calls for some kind of celebration, Marissa, your staying for dinner Johnny: ma I'm sure she has plans Marissa: oh, I do actually with Ryan Johnny: that's her boyfriend J's mom: well invite him too, we'll-we'll order in (Johnny looks down) we'll play board games or watch movies (Marissa's cell phone rings) Marissa: (looks at who is calling) that's him Johnny: probably wondering where you are (goes back into the living room) Marissa: no he knows (answers) hey, so d'you wanna come over ta Johnny's an get take-out an DVDs we're gonna celebrate (we now see Ryan talking on his cell phone outside. we can't really tell where he is yet) Ryan: yeah, yeah ok sounds good (stops) you should...probably start without me though (we see what Ryan is seeing which is a neon sign that has BARE in a blue colour and then Elegance in a green. the sign is above the entrance) Ryan: be there as soon as I can (the next thing we see is Matt and Ryan walking into the club through a red curtain. there is a big guy at the entrance) Guy: (to Matt) hey (stops Ryan) whoa (Ryan has a "typical" expression) Matt: its cool (hands guy money) he's with me Guy: sure thing boss (the guy lets Ryan passed and Ryan gives him a nod - inside we see girls in tight outfits pole dancing. another girl who is crouched in front of a guys face. a guy drinking. a close up of a girls backside "dancing". more girls dancing and guys enjoying themselves, and a girl who is on her knees leaning back on one arm while moving her body up and down, finally we see Matt and Ryan heading towards the tables) Ryan: hey (half laughs) what're you doin man, thought we were gonna go on a coffee run or something Matt: (sits) well I never said that (drums fingers) I do some'a my best thinkin here man Ryan: sure I can see why, loud music topless women no distractions at all Matt: sometimes a good distraction is the best way ta recharge (Ryan nods) here's my muse, Lilly Lilly: hey Matt (sits on Matt's lap) how's my favourite customer doing (Ryan watches them) Matt: I'm in need'a some serious one on one time Lilly: oh, should I ready the champagne room for you (Matt motions yes. Ryan looks away. Lilly leaves) Ryan: hey, come on man Matt: I got this alright, I'm jus gonna have a little time out, then we'll go back to the office we'll pull an all-nighter Ryan: I got plans I can't- (a girl dressed in a skimpy police officers uniform is rubbing Ryan's shoulders from behind. then she runs her hands down his chest. he has an unimpressed expression on his face) Matt: first dance is on me (gives girl money) ill be right back (leaves) (Ryan watches Matt leave and the girl walks around to his front and sits down on his lap) Sippowitz: hi (sexily) I'm Sippowitz Ryan: hi Sippowitz (Sippowitz giggles and touches Ryan's hair lightly) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten is busy cooking and Sandy is sitting at the table working Kirsten: I didn't know Julie was taking this seriously Sandy: well you gotta hand it to her she's a born entrepreneur (Seth walks in carrying something under his arm) Seth: hey. I'm starving...an that actually smells good Kirsten: oh yeah it's not for you, pizzas coming, is that a pirate costume Seth: Summer an I are in a wr Sandy: a pirate wr Seth: well it turns out Brown usually takes only one student from Harbor an we both wanna be it so I need a hook Sandy: oh you mean like a Captain Hook (Seth looks at Sandy unamused. Sandy smiles. we hear the door bell) Seth: ill get that, maybe its...dinner (leaves) (Kirsten watches Seth leave then looks at Sandy) Kirsten: (suprised) Summer going ta Brown (Sandy raises his eyebrows) I mean no offense Sandy: she did save Chrismukkah Kirsten: (smiles) is Ryan eating with us Sandy: no he's workin with Matt tonight, I think he's a good influence on Ryan you know he's young, he didn't come from much he's makin something of himself (Kirsten raises her eyebrows) he's a good role model CUT TO: Bare Elegance - we see more girls dancing with each other, and a pole. then we see Ryan getting his lap dance, he doesn't look like he's enjoying it very much. Sippowitz is sitting in his lap leaning over so that Ryan has to lean back in his chair, he's not far off lying down. she's grinding into him and giggling Ryan: (shakes head) you don't have'ta do this Sippowitz: already bought an paid for (we hear Ryan's cell phone ringing) Ryan: oh that's my-my my cell ringing in my pocket Sippowitz: I definitely feel something vibrating (giggles) Ryan: (laughs) yeah if you could just uh Sippowitz: no, let me (Ryan looks away. we see Sippowitz still moving on Ryan's lap, she runs her down his chest and then we see Ryan's head lean back. Sippowitz brings her hand up and she's holding his cell phone. Ryan says something and goes to take it but Sippowitz pulls it away and shakes her head. Ryan shakes his head) CUT TO: Johnny's house - we see Marissa on her cell phone she hears this Msg: Ryan: hey its Ryan, leave a message Marissa: hey uh its me, I was jus wondering where you are so...um its getting kinda late...so call me (hangs up) (Marissa looks over at Johnny who is asleep next to her, she puts her cell phone down then pulls the blanket over him, his head moves a little but he doesn't wake up. Marissa sits back on the couch next to him and changes the channel on the TV. she rests her head on her left hand and watches the TV. after a few seconds Johnny's head falls onto her right shoulder. Marissa looks at him, gently pushes his head back over and then goes back to watching the TV. Johnny's head falls on her shoulder again, she looks at him but doesn't move it this time) CUT TO: Bare Elegance - we see some more of the girls pole dancing/dancing with each other, we then see Ryan drinking a drink by himself. Sippowitz has left him alone now, lol. Ryan looks at his watch, looks behind him then puts his drink down and goes outside. he pulls out his cell phone and dials a number, we can hear the ringing - the next thing we see is the TV at Johnny's with the snowy picture that you get when nothing is on, and we can hear Marissa cell phone ringing. we then see the cell phone flashing, ringing and vibrating on the table then the camera turns to show that Marissa and Johnny are both asleep on the couch. Johnny still has his head on Marissa's shoulder and her head is touching his CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer is struggling with getting a big black case out of her closet, it comes up to about her waist so you can imagine how big and bulky it is. while Summer is struggling with the case Marissa comes in drops her bag on the bed and then lies down, exhausted. Summer looks over, sees her and drops the case which makes a bang and Marissa jumps awake Summer: (frowns) where have you ben Marissa: whoa, Summer (gets off the bed) Summer: I have ben worried sick for hours (puts hand on hip) (Marissa frowns) well, since my alarm went off twenty minutes ago an I noticed you weren't here Marissa: sorry I fell asleep Summer: oh, at Ryan's Marissa: at Johnny's (looks down) Summer: (looks at Marissa) at Johnny's Marissa: we were watching a movie (Summer looks at her, Marissa notices the case) Marissa: what's that (points) Summer: (taps case, puts hand on hip) a tuba Marissa: which you have why Summer: ...beeecause I do (Marissa raises her eyebrows) because in fifth grade you know when I said I was going ta beauty pageant camp I was going ta band camp an learning ta play the tuba (taps case) Marissa: (frowns, points) wh- Summer: wait quit changing the subject, I cannot believe you slept there does Ryan know (Marissa looks at her) Ryan: (off screen) know what (Ryan comes in. Marissa looks at Ryan, Summer looks from Ryan to Marissa. Marissa looks at Summer wide eyed) Marissa: umm...how bad that movie was last night (nods) (cheery) where were you Summer: (almost bitchy) yeah, where were you (Ryan looks at Summer and frowns confused. Marissa looks at Summer) Summer: none of my business (raises eyebrows, leaves) Ryan: I- I was with Matt and we were working Marissa: wow so late Ryan: yeah big presentation today (sighs) so movie no good huh Marissa: yeah well it kinda put me ta sleep Ryan: yeah, how's Johnny (raises eyebrows) Marissa: uh better (nods) I think Ryan: good good, you get home ok Marissa: uh yeah, y'know his mom drove me Ryan: I jus wanted ta say hi Marissa: yeah don't let me keep you Ryan: ok (Ryan and Marissa hug. we see closes ups of their faces and they both look guilty) CUT TO: Newport Group - we see a close up of the affordable housing development, and we can hear Sandy's voice. he's on the phone Sandy: Matt the investors are in the conference room I need your part of the presentation call me when you get this (hangs up) (to Ryan) Matt's missing in action any idea where he could be Ryan: (sits) uhhh he was pullin an all-nighter maybe he slept in (Matt comes in. he looks like hell) Matt: great, there they are, I'm sorry Sandy Sandy: ready Matt: as ill ever be jus let me put my tie on (Ryan looks down) clear my head, five minutes Sandy: you've got four an you might wanna run a comb through your hair (points, leaves) Matt: thanks for not bustin me Ryan: you gonna make me wish I did Matt: (smiles) I know these guys man, I got it under control CUT TO: Harbor school - we see the school band walking together in the hall. Summer is standing off to the side watching them in the uniform with her tuba, she tries to blend in and walk with them Summer: ohp, hi Ash Ashley: you're not in the band Summer: well no technically not but I thought I could play the tuba blow a few minds maybe get asked ta join, I mean what'do you think- (we see what Summer is seeing which is Seth dressed in his pirate costume and talking to the head cheerleader at her locker) Seth: I'm a big fan of physical comedy an I'm extremely limber (points) plus Johnny Depp has ben a huge inspiration to my life I jus think he's taken the pirate thing ta just a whole new level (Summer squints) and the Brown bear is retiring next year HC: I told you, we already have a mascot Summer: (screws up face) oh my god HC: an what's with the peg leg Seth: why HC: it's really creepin me out (walks away) Summer: (yells) Cohen (Seth looks over and sees Summer in the band outfit with her tuba) Summer: Cohen what are you doing Seth: Summer what're you doing Summer: I asked first, you know what you don't need'ta answer that because it's obvious Seth: yeah, I'm not the one wearin a tuba Summer: oh that's really big talk from a guy wearing hoop earrings (pointed) at least I played the tuba Seth: pffff Summer: what I do (Seth hits himself on the head with the peg leg and makes a funny face) Summer: now if you'll excuse me I (raises eyebrows) have'ta get ta practice (Summer walks passed Seth and hits him in the chest with her tuba so Seth jabs Summer in the back with his peg leg, lol) Summer: (turns around) oooowww Seth: did you jus whack me with your tuba Summer: did you jus jab me with your peg leg Seth: it was a tap you little whacker! Summer: it was a jab jabber! (Seth looks at her) why d'you have'ta be better than me at everything Seth: (leans forward) see that's jus it Summer, I'm not better than you at everything (Summer looks at him) there was one thing that I was better at... (walks away) (Summer watches Seth walk away, sadly) CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy, Matt, Ryan and 3 other people are in the conference room for the presentation. there are 2 men and one woman. Sandy is standing up Sandy: and the commercial space at street level can provide jobs places ta eat a daycare center Guy: sounds good Mr. Cohen but we've heard there are regulations in the works which, well could complicate things Sandy: so have we (points) Matt's worked out both sets'a numbers, Matt Matt: (stands) thanks Sandy, so if the legislation does not pass (hands out information) a profit model will look something like this Guy: an if it does Matt: umm then we would have to uh (hands info to Sandy) decrease the amount of commercial space which would uh (raises eyebrows) decrease the...revenue Guy: by how much do you think Matt: I would say a significant amount (Sandy looks at Matt. Ryan looks from Sandy to the investors) Guy: Matt we do business in dollars, how many're we talkin about here (Matt swallows and looks down. Sandy looks at Matt in disbelief. Ryan looks up at Matt) Matt: I'm- Sandy: (stands) well, we haven't worked out those numbers right now Guy: (looks at Sandy) we didn't drive all the way down here for a-a hypothetical conversation Sandy: of course you didn't, we'll have those numbers to you by this afternoon (looks at Matt) right Matt (Matt nods) Guy: well thankyou Mr. Cohen (stands) for your impressive presentation, I think we've heard all we need to today (drops information on top of the model) Sandy: well thanks for your time (the investors leave and Sandy is not happy. Sandy glares at Matt) Matt: I'm sorry uh I...I (leaves) (Ryan picks up the information and looks at it, Sandy looks at him) Sandy: got anything you'd care ta tell me (Ryan looks at him) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Johnny is in the kitchen trying to pour himself some water. we hear a knock at the door and Johnny puts the jug down Johnny: (calls) coming (Johnny turns to head towards the door and the glass of water smashes on the floor, he also falls with it and makes an "aahh, sss" sound. Marissa lets herself in) Marissa: Johnny Johnny: ooh (yells) in here (Marissa frowns and runs to the kitchen. Johnny is breathing heavily) Marissa: oh my god, oh god, alright come on, here Johnny: (moans) I think I twisted it again Marissa: ok, come on (Marissa helps Johnny to his feet) Marissa: where are your pain Kllers CUT TO: Jeff's house - Jeff opens the door and Julie and Kirsten are standing there. Julie has a huge bouquet of flowers in her arms and Kirsten is holding the food Jeff: hello, good evening (Julie and Kirsten walk inside) Julie: (smiles) evening, oh, oh Jeff what a beautiful beautiful place (puts flowers down) Jeff: thankyou Kirsten: would you an your guests want dinner in the dining room or (looks) oh the terrace would be nice Jeff: uhh let me ask my guest (Julie looks at him) dining room or terrace (smiles) (Kirsten looks from Jeff to Julie, confused) Julie: excuse me (Kirsten looks at Jeff) Jeff: I haven't invited anyone, I was hoping Julie that you might join me for dinner Kirsten: ...uh Mr. Grenzel if this is a joke it's not funny I've spent two days cooking and Julie bought out the flower mart Jeff: one dinner, please, ill pay what I promised (Julie is stunned) jus want the chance ta get to you know you better (Kirsten looks from Jeff to Julie, Julies head turns in Kirsten's direction but her eyes don't leave Jeff's direction) Kirsten: Julie we're leaving (picks up food, smiles at Jeff) Julie Julie: ...you did all this for a date with me (Kirsten looks from Julie to Jeff in disbelief. Jeff holds his hand out to Julie, Julie looks at his hand, looks at him and then takes it) Kirsten: fine, but you're serving yourselves (Jeff and Julie raise their hands so Kirsten can put the food back down. Julie smiles at Jeff) Julie: hungry Jeff: nope (smiles) (Kirsten opens the door and shakes her head as she leaves, lol. Julie smiles at Jeff) CUT TO: Bare Elegance - we see yet more girls pole dancing/dancing with each other, and yes they are in skimpy outfits which match besides them being one pink one blue. the one in the pink takes off her top but its from the back so you don't see much, we then see Sandy and Ryan walk in. they head over to Matt who is sitting with the girl from the other night Lilly Sandy: what the hell happened Matt: (sighs) I'm so sorry- Sandy: that you weren't prepared for the meeting (nods) I could maybe overlook, that you were here that you brought Ryan here (Lilly looks at him) really tries my patience, but id hear you out Matt: thanks, it means alot Sandy: but you lied ta my face, you disrespected me and the company I'm tryin'a build, the one that you said you wanted ta build with me Matt: it won't happen again Sandy: you're right it won't happen again I want you out of the office tomorrow, your fired (Matt looks at him) Ryan: hey come on Sandy: no not another word outta you kid (shakes head) (looks at Ryan) don't think you don't have anything ta be sorry about (Lilly looks from Sandy to Matt, Matt looks at Sandy, Sandy looks at Matt then walks away, he's really not happy. Ryan looks at Matt, Matt looks at him then down sadly. Ryan follows Sandy. Matt turns around, sighs and picks up his drink. Lilly looks over in Sandy and Ryan's direction) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Johnny is lying on the couch, very out of it from the pain Kllers Marissa: (off screen, calls) hey Johnny, d'you know where there's a towel, I don't want this ice ta melt all over you Johnny: try under the sink...you know Marissa...your really making this hard (we can now see Marissa standing in the doorway of the kitchen, she lays out the tea towel for the ice) Marissa: making what hard Johnny: we're friends Marissa: (laughs) yeah, we are friends (takes ice out of the freezer) how many of those pain Kllers did you take (Marissa tips the ice out onto the tea towel) Johnny: I...I have'ta tell you something (swallows) but I cant say it Marissa: say what Johnny: don't say anything back ok (Marissa looks at him) I don't want anything...I jus want you ta know the truth Marissa: the truth about what (leans against the door way) Johnny: I really like you Marissa: (laughs, shakes head) ok, I really like you too (goes back to the ice) Johnny: no...I mean...I like you like you (Marissa moves closer to him) I think I'm in love with you (Marissa looks at him with a blank expression) CUT TO: The pool house, next morning - Ryan is in there putting his shoes on and Seth walks in Seth: (sighs) so, Ryan your a working man (points) now how's the job going (Ryan smiles) model homes, calculators, dudes in suits (nods enthusiastically) I bet that's pretty exciting stuff Ryan: yeah you'd be suprised, so would Marissa Seth: ooo an what'has she ben up to Ryan: I don't know (sighs) ill ask her when I see her which hopefully will be tonight (frowns, puts hands out) what's with all the questions Seth: nothing I'm jus tryin'a exhaust all your issues so we can get ta mine, have we covered everything (Ryan motions go ahead) (sits) my biggest fear, stated plainly (Ryan looks at him) what if Summers being smart changes our whole dynamic Ryan: (frowns) why would it Seth: because my intelligence was the one quality she admired in me it made me almost a man (raises eyebrows) in her eyes Ryan: (stands) come on man that's not true, you got plenty of other positive qualities, your uh your (sits on the bed) ...your funny (raises eyebrows) when you wanna be Seth: (frowns) have you noticed how Summers gotten alot funnier lately (shakes head) I mean I think she's funnier than me now Ryan: you're an expert in comic books an Yakuza films (points) Seth: (nods, shakes head) girls don't like that Ryan: (clicks fingers) you know how'ta work a grill (Seth looks down) I'm sorry man I'm sorry I- I thought I would come up with more but, the point is Summer doesn't wanna be you she wants ta be with you, alright (Seth looks at him) you want that too so Seth: apologise, I know (Ryan starts to leave) Seth: where you goin Ryan: gotta go ta Sandy's office, some apologisin ta do myself (nods) give me a ride Seth: (looks at Ryan, nods) why don't we have cars CUT TO: Summers bedroom - we see and hear Marissa's cell phone ringing. Marissa picks it up Summer: don't answer it Marissa: Johnny's gonna think I'm mad at him Summer: maybe that's not such a bad thing (we can now see that Summer and Marissa are in bed. Marissa lies back down and Summer turns to face her) Marissa: well, he was in pain, took a bunch'a pills, he probably doesn't even remember...it's not a big deal Summer: yeah well a vicodin love confession (raises eyebrows) is still a love confession Marissa: I'm sure he didn't mean it Summer: I'm sure he did Marissa: why Summer: (closes eyes) because he told me (sighs) the night that I picked you up from his place Marissa: (sighs) ...why didn't you say anything Summer: he made me promise not to, he said he wasn't gonna do anything so he didn't want you ta know Marissa: an now I know...what am I gonna do Summer: pretend you don't (raises eyebrows) maybe you should jus stay away from him for a while (we hear Marissa's phone make a do do, do do, do do beeping sound. I think it might mean she has voice mail) Marissa: (sighs) I gotta call Ryan Summer: are you gonna tell him (frowns) (Marissa looks at her) CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy is in his office with the phone to his ear. Ryan knocks and walks in Sandy: (hangs up) these guys wont return my calls, I can't even get a response much less schedule another meeting Ryan: (sits) well look I am sorry, Matt said he had it covered an I guess I believed him Sandy: well so did I, you know it makes no sense for him ta blow this off, he's the one who set up the meeting Ryan: his girlfriend dumped him Sandy: oh cause he went to the strip club (raises eyebrows) Ryan: because he took the job, I guess it ht him pretty hard Sandy: oh your breakin my heart, he should'a said something Lilly: because he didn't want anyone ta know (Sandy looks at her) especially his boss, sorry for the drop by Sandy: wow Matt must be some tipper Lilly: Matt an I are friends (nods) from college (Sandy and Ryan both look at Lilly) Lilly: yes I went ta college, I'm dancing to pay for law school, but I don't dance for Matt mostly we talk Ryan: about what (looks at Lilly) Lilly: Matt's ben under alotta pressure an not just work stuff, I think (sighs) he jus kinda crashed an b*rned Sandy: well he couldnt'a chosen a worse time Lilly: I know an maybe none'a this makes any difference but Matt is a good guy, an this job it means the world ta him (Sandy looks down) ...what if I told you I was the one that put Matt in touch with those investors (Sandy looks at her) and that I could get you another meeting (Ryan looks at Sandy) Sandy: is one your professor Lilly: no, a customer (blinks, nods) (Sandy looks at Ryan) CUT TO: Summers house - Summer comes down the stairs and heads towards the front door Summer: (yells) dad, Gloria I'm heading over ta Seth's (Summer opens the door and Seth is standing there. aww. they look at each other) Summer: hi, Seth Seth: hey, I jus...came over to apologise Summer: (nods) me too, well no I mean- (stops) I'm listening Seth: ok (Seth takes Summers hand and they sit down on the top step together. aww) Seth: look I'm sorry I've ben such an ass ok, its jus your so superior to me in so many ways (Summer raises her eyebrows) you know your better looking your more popular your stronger...an not just emotionally (screws up face)	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x09 - The Disconnect"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Christmas tree lot - the first thing we see is an awesome aerial sht of the water, and houses etc. then we see a Christmas tree being shaken Summer: (off screen) nope (shakes another tree) nope (frowns, shakes another tree) look at the branch spacing its like swiss cheese (touches stem) an these stems couldn't hold heavier ornaments Marissa: so, that's a pass then (we can now see the Ryan and Seth are standing next to Marissa. they both look like they are over Summers search for the perfect tree, lol Seth is also wearing his cute reindeer sweater) Ryan: why not, we've been here three hours (looks at Marissa, walks away) Seth: hey get in the spirit man its Chrismukkah, an I love Chrismukkah (Summer is inspecting a tree behind Seth) Marissa: (arms folded) so we've heard (walks away) Seth: it's seriously the best thing I've ever done, every Jewish boy wants Christmas, I gave myself that Summer: (looks at needle) well what's the equivalent, what does every Christian kid want (smells) Seth: easy, a Bar Mitzvah Ryan: I've never wanted one Seth: well that's jus cause (raises eyebrows) you don't know better Ryan: oo (raises eyebrows) Summer: Coop, let's look over here Marissa: again Summer: yeah (Marissa pouts and Ryan kisses her on the cheek, aww. Summer and Marissa walk off together) Seth: seriously, I think you should really consider it Ryan: what, a Bar Mitzvah Seth: yeah, you've brought some much needed Chris to the Cohen's but I think you could really use a little mukkah Ryan: mm I don't think so Seth: (nods) that's tough talk from a guy who eats alotta bagels (we now see Marissa and Summer in a different section of trees) Marissa: oh you think Johnny would like that tree (points) Summer: Johnny, Johnny who (frowns) Johnny Harper Johnny (looks at Marissa) Johnny the one lets take time off jus be friends because I'm in love with you (raises eyebrows) Johnny Marissa: its just I feel bad, I mean it's the holidays an he's all alone, layed up with his knee Summer: I don't know Cooper scooper (frowns, worried) Marissa: (looks at Summer) that's a bad (raises eyebrows, tries not to laugh) nickname, an besides I already talked about it with Ryan, an he's cool with everything Summer: mm Marissa: it's just a tree (shrugs) Summer: ok (looks at Marissa) but I get to pick it out (we now see Seth and Ryan again) Seth: everything cool with you an Marissa Ryan: yep, we had a really good talk Seth: mm (frowns) an the whole Johnny thing Ryan: no there is no Johnny thing, I mean there is but...not for her (Seth frowns) anyway it's the holidays I'm sure Johnny's the last thing on her mind Seth: hm (Marissa and Summer are back over with Ryan and Seth) Marissa: hey, so we found a great tree for Johnny's house (Ryan and Seth look at each other) Seth: did you now Marissa: yeah (shrugs) well I figured he could use some holiday cheer (looks at Summer) Ryan: yeah I think that's a great idea (looks at Seth) (Summer smiles) come on (Ryan puts his hand on Marissa's back and they walk away together) Summer: uh-hm, an what do youuuu think Cohen Seth: my Chrismukkah forecast calls for trouble (we see an aerial sht of the Christmas tree lot as Seth and Summer head over to Ryan and Marissa together) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Front of Johnny's house - Marissa rings the door bell and then looks behind her. the range rover is parked with a big tree tied to the roof. Ryan is holding a smaller tree which came out of the back of the range rover, and Summer and Seth are standing near him. Seth shuts the back just as Johnny's mom opens the door. it almost seems like she's been crying Marissa: (smiles) hey J's mom: oh hey, Marissa (Ryan, Seth and Summer are now near Marissa) J's mom: if you're looking for Johnny it's probably not the best time Marissa: i-is everything ok Johnny: (off screen) who is it mom (Johnny's mom turns around and looks at him limping over to the door) Johnny: hey guys Ryan: hey (touches tree) bought you a little somethin for the holidays Seth: an it only took Summer five hours to pick it out (Summer smiles and raises her eyebrows) Johnny: well thanks, its really nice of you guys J's mom: that is nice, here let me Ryan: yeah (gives J's mom the tree) J's mom: ill be inside (Johnny moves out of the way so his mom can go inside then stands in the doorway again) Marissa: well what's going on Johnny: nothin um jus...we got a call from the doctor Ryan: somethin wrong with the surgery Johnny: ...there's not gonna be a surgery (Seth frowns, Summer and Ryan listen) Johnny: apparently my moms insurance doesn't cover it so Marissa: so he's not gonna do the operation Johnny: he would, if we could pay for it (Summer looks down) so I guess I'm...gonna have'ta get use'ta livin here a little while longer Ryan: sorry man (raises eyebrows) (Marissa looks worried) Johnny: that's cool, you know I was kinda gettin sick'a surfin anyways (shrugs, almost smiles) yeah but thanks for the tree (Seth, Summer and Ryan all look as though they feel bad for Johnny) Johnny: ill see ya (shuts door) Marissa: (softly) yeah (looks away worried) Seth: I think he really liked the tree CUT TO: Cohen living room - we see a close up of a large Santa statue being taken out of a box. Kirsten sets him down near other decorations. the sht changes and we can see Kirsten and all her surroundings as well as Sandy walking in the front door. next to Kirsten sitting on the arm of the couch are four yarmuclaus, in front of her we can see a menorah, some tinsel and a couple of smaller figurine things. next to her we can see Seth's and Ryan's stockings and she has a box in front of her that she has her hand in. there are also 2 large soldiers standing near the lounge and the Santa Claus that she placed down, near Santa there is also a little tree Sandy: hey, I tell you the air is crisp (points) i-i- it must be seventy degrees out there, the kids are not back yet with the tree Kirsten: oh not yet, Seth said they'll be a while, I'm jus pulling out stockings an menorahs an yarmuclaus (smiles) Sandy: all the Chrismukkah trimmings Kirsten: (holds up Ryan's stocking) remember when Seth made him this Sandy: that feels like forever ago Kirsten: what feels like forever ago is when my mom an I made this (looks lovingly at the angel) my dad claimed it was his favourite, always demanded that he got to hang it Sandy: (crouches) It's your first holiday without him Kirsten: an the last one with the boys in the house (smiles sadly) merry Chrismukkah huh Sandy: well luckily Chrismukkah has twice the resistance of an ordinary holiday Kirsten: mm, its jus that this year (raises eyebrows) it just feels like its flying by so fast Sandy an (looks at Sandy) I just feel adrift Sandy: well you got your business with Julie...an if you wanna feel better about your own life hangin out with Julie Coopers a great way ta begin Kirsten: (smiles) I should check in on her, see how she's doing Sandy: you mark my words, this'll be the best Chrismukkah ever (kisses Kirsten) mm Kirsten: you're beginning to sound like Seth Sandy: well, it just means you'll miss him less when he's gone (grins, stands) (Kirsten laughs and then looks at the angel sadly) CUT TO: The diner - we see the diner all decorated for Christmas. there are Christmas lights along the windows, a few little trees scattered around, and tinsel along the edge of the booths. Seth, Summer, Marissa and Ryan are sitting in a booth together Marissa: you guys we have'ta do something...we need a Chrismukkah miracle (we see a close up of Ryan with his hands clasped together thinking. after a second he clicks his finger and points at Summer. Marissa looks as well, then Seth. Summer looks at them) Summer: oh, right (raises eyebrows) a Chrismukkah miracle that's what I do (Seth nods) ok (Marissa and Ryan nod) umm how bout if we (stops) no (Seth looks down) no, (turns to Seth) what if (Seth looks hopeful) no (excited) I know (Marissa jumps) (smacks forehead) stu...pid (Marissa looks at Ryan) Seth: I can actually see the wheels turning (Summer sighs, frustrated) Marissa: well how much can surgery be Ryan: eh its a few grand at least Seth: if any of you were even remotely Jewish I would jus say we could pool our Bar Mitzvah money but (thinks) holy crap that's it (points) Summer: what's it Ryan: (realises) nn (raises eyebrows) oh n-n-n-n-n-n- no (points) Seth: yes (smiles) Ryan: no way dude Marissa: what Seth: yes way dude Ryan: no Seth: yes way dude Ryan: I'm sorry, alright I cant, I won't (Seth is now sitting on the back of the booths seat) Seth: will Ryan: I'm not havin it Marissa: havin what Seth: a Bar Mitzvah (Ryan is clearly frustrated at Seth saying it. Seth claps. Marissa smiles and almost laughs) Summer: (laughs) Ryan gets Bar Mitzvah'ed now that is funny (points) Ryan: yeah see, Summers laughing Seth: no that's just gas- Summer: (hits Seth) hey Seth: now listen'a me this wouldn't be an ordinary Bar Mitzvah you know what this would be, wait for it (holds up finger dramatically, looks up) wait for it (Ryan looks up) a Chrismukkah Bar Mitz-vahkkah (Summer frowns) spell that dude (Marissa looks at Summer) Ryan: (softly) that's crazy Seth: yeah, so crazy it just might work Marissa: (looks at Ryan) so we throw a big party Summer: an Ryan gets the money from the Bar Mitzvah (Seth looks at Ryan) Marissa: an then we can spend it on Johnny's surgery Ryan: how is this gonna work, am I jus gonna stand in front'a Newport an sing Hebrew Seth: you chant (points) an hell yes Summer: (to Marissa) oo what kind'a centerpieces should we get Marissa: I don't know, band or DJ Summer: ooo Seth: uh DJ with dancers Summer: yeah Seth: I like the Pussycat Dolls Ryan: oh my god you're serious Seth: we can get so many cool things, we can get Hercle the Jewish clown Summer: Hercle (smiles) (Ryan closes his eyes and puts his head down on his hands) Seth: DJ Goldstein Berger CUT TO: Julie's trailer - we hear the TV going and a dog barking in the distance. then we see Julie in a wife beater and mini skirt on the couch with her feet up on the coffee table. she spits Skoal into what looks like a tin can. it is beyond disgusting. we see the TV and she is watching some kind of car racing. we then hear a knock at the door Julie: (yells) I told you Gus I'm not going to your Christmas party, even if you are deep fryin a ham (Kirsten opens the door and lets herself in. Julie sits up and spits the Skoal into the tin, and makes a disgusting noise to boot, ugh) Kirsten: well, deep fried ham sounds delicious Julie: (thrown) Kirsten, um (turns off TV) I thought we weren't doing any...business until after the New Year Kirsten: I didn't come here for business Julie: oh, just happen to be in the neighbourhood huh Kirsten: I came to see how you were Julie: I'm great (Kirsten looks at her skeptically) some'a the neighbours are having cockfights in an hour, using stray dogs it's a holiday tradition (Kirsten nods) my moneys on the feisty Weimaraner Kirsten: good (raises eyebrows, smiles sadly) cause I'm awful (Kirsten looks at Julie sadly, Julie looks at her) Julie: I'm spitting Skoal into a can drinking wine from a bottle I unscrewed an living in a home that, if I wanted to, I could put in reverse, I'm beyond awful Kirsten: you're at least gonna spend the holidays with Marissa right Julie: well you know we were, but the Four Seasons in Maui is booked (sits) Kirsten: haven't told her Julie: what that her moms now a Jeff Foxworthy fan, she thinks our new ocean front condo is undergoing a remodel Kirsten: (nods) Julie what're ya gonna do Julie: I'm gonna let her have her fun (points to herself) and I will be miserable Kirsten: well, misery loves company (Kirsten sits down next to Julie. Julie turns the TV back on, and picks up what I assume is the Skoal, she offers it to Kirsten but she refuses. Kirsten and Julie both put their feet up on the coffee table, lol) CUT TO: Robert's house - we see Summers dad Neil coming down the stairs just as Summer and Seth come in the front door Neil: hey Summer: hi Seth: Dr. Roberts (Neil looks at him) hello, hi, how are you Neil: I'm good Seth how are you Seth: great (nods) I'm with your daughter (points) (Summer smiles) so how could I not be great...plus the Angels won (Summer looks at her dad) lookin pretty good this year mm Neil: baseball season ended months ago Seth Seth: but the market is up, yes (Neil looks at him then away) no, it's a good- it's a good time for the market, yes, no, it's a good- it's a bad-its a bad its a bad time for the market Summer: Cohen Seth: (softly) it's a bad time Summer: why don't you comb out Princess Sparkles tail, I know how that (softly) relaxes you Seth: what (Neil tries not to laugh) Seth: Summer what're you- what're you talking about I would never I would (Summer looks at him) (breathes heavily, gives up) is the comb where I left it Summer: (softly) yeah (Seth goes upstairs. Neil watches him and then turns to Summer) Neil: how are you sweetheart Summer: oh I'm good, I just had a trial run at the Christmas tree lot, I helped pick out the Cohen's tree Neil: ah Summer: um is what's-her-name around I thought maybe we could all go later an pick out ours Neil: your step-mother, she's out of town, she's meeting with the Mahariti? in New Delhi, she wants to get centred for the New Year Summer: (nods) m so when she's here (frowns) she's not really here but now she's really not here Neil: but we have each other (Summer looks at him) an I've got a ton'a work Summer: well cant tummy tucks wait (raises eyebrows) its the holidays (Neil raises his eyebrows) aren't you the least bit bummed that your wife ditched us Neil: I'm too busy, I really haven't had a chance to...be bummed (smiles) I've gotta be off to the OR, when you wanna get that tree you jus let me know (Neil kisses Summer on the head. Summer kisses back) Summer: (sadly) bye dad (Neil leaves and Summer frowns) CUT TO: Johnny's house - on the TV we can see old surfing footage of Johnny. we then see Johnny's mom J's mom: he hasn't moved all day (we now see that Ryan and Marissa are standing just near the front door. Johnny's mom opens the door to the living room and Ryan and Marissa follow. Johnny looks over) J's mom: Johnny, your friends are here Ryan: hey man (touches Johnny's shoulder) Johnny: hey Marissa: hey Johnny: this is when me an Chili went down to Costa Rica, it was the greatest trip'a my life, an now it's the most depressing Ryan: well, we have some good news Johnny: yeah, I could use some'a that Marissa: yeah well your gonna have the surgery (Johnny looks from Marissa to Ryan) Ryan: yeah we're gonna throw a party, well a fundraiser Marissa: I mean we have em all the time so it's not really a big deal but (shrugs) (Johnny doesn't look happy) everyone in Newport usually comes Ryan: yeah, we'll raise the money Johnny: so I'm like a charity case now (Marissa and Ryan look at each other) Ryan: no no (squints) it's not like that Johnny: the rich people pay for the poor kid how is it not like that Marissa: ...(raises eyebrows) we're tryin'a help (shrugs) Johnny: I appreciate that but I've always taken care'a myself Ryan: ok, alright, but now's not the time to be proud Johnny: (looks at Ryan) hey man if anyone should understand... (Marissa looks at Ryan. Ryan doesn't know what to say) Johnny: look thanks but no thanks alright (sighs) I should probably lay down (moves leg) my knees killin me (stands) thanks for stoppin by (Johnny limps out of the room. Ryan watches him and then looks up at Marissa, Marissa looks at him then she looks over at the TV. old footage of Johnny surfing is still playing) CUT TO: Cohen backyard - Ryan, Seth, Marissa and Summer are all out by the pool, and the best bit, Ryan is cleaning the pool,lol. Marissa is sitting cross legged near Ryan eating breakfast, Summer is sitting on the edge of a pool chair and Seth is standing near her. the garden is also understatedly decorated for Chrismukkah. there are fairy lights wrapped around poles and a few poinsettia pot plants scattered around the garden. it looks nice Seth: I don't care, Ryan's still gettin the Bar Mitzvah Summer: Cohen the whole point was to help Johnny Seth: maybe uh to you but do any of you remember my Bar Mitzvah (Summer looks over at Ryan and Marissa. Ryan looks over at Seth) Marissa: (frowns, thinks) wait wasn't that Luke's birthday, we played paintball that was so much fun Seth: yeah that was fun, apparently for the entire thirteen year old population of Orange County none of whom happened to swing by temple Beth El that day but you know what now I'm gonna get a do over (points to himself) Ryan: well I just wish he'd let us help him Marissa: well he doesn't wanna be our charity case Summer: (frowns) poor guy, slight of build an on crutches, he's kinda like our very own Tiny Tim (nods) Ryan: (sighs) he was pretty upset yesterday but he'd just gotten the news so Summer: yeah (shrugs) maybe if he jus thinks about it he'll change his mind Ryan: (shrugs) exactly Seth: so it's on (Ryan shrugs) Marissa: alright while you guys keep working on it I'm gonna go talk to him (stands) Ryan: alright (puts pool thing down, sighs) meet you at the diner (Marissa kisses Ryan on the cheek) Summer: (stands) bye (kisses Seth) (Marissa and Summer leave together) Seth: an we only have one hurdle left before you become a man CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is hanging a Christmas wreath on the wall Sandy: a Bar Mitzvah (turns around) for Ryan (suprised) (we see that Ryan and Seth are standing at the end of the bench together) Seth: ooo it jus makes me feel all tingly hearin you say it (we can now see that Kirsten is standing near Sandy. Sandy comes down and looks at Ryan and Seth) Sandy: d'you have any idea how offensive this is (Kirsten looks at Sandy) (Seth motions no) Ryan: we're not tryin to offend (looks at Seth) jus...help (Seth smiles) Sandy: well, you gotta be Jewish to be Bar Mitzvah'ed lets jus start there Kirsten: why are you guys doing this Ryan: our friend Johnny he can't afford knee surgery i-it's like a fundraiser Seth: which is where we need you mom (points) Sandy: it's a sacred religious event (Seth frowns and shakes his head) a tradition that marks a Jewish child's obligation to observe the Ten Commandments (Seth makes a snoring noise as if he fell asleep and woke up) Seth: I'm sorry (Sandy smiles) an that's the problem with the Jews right there we have no concept of marketing Sandy: (looks at Seth) you're on thin ice Seth: now listen'a me, a long time ago moms team allowed Christmas to be about reindeers (Ryan looks at him) an snowmen an Tim Allen movies (Ryan nods) an I would say that that's a pretty religious holiday (points) Kirsten: (looks at Seth) the birth of Christ, id say so Seth: you betcha, well now the Bar Mitzvah is our greatest export possibility, it's got huge cross over potential Ryan: iiiits an honorary Bar Mitzvah Seth: it's a Chrismukkah (raises eyebrows) Bar-Mitz vahkkah (Sandy smiles, trying not to laugh) Kirsten: I like it...an there helping their friend Ryan: but, we need your blessing Seth: that's right Kirsten: the club is throwing a holiday party anyway we'll hijack it, we'll jus tell the Newpsies that we're raising money for the hospital (Seth clicks his finger) Sandy it could be really fun (Ryan and Seth look at Sandy hopeful) Sandy: its honorary Seth: (smiles) hey (claps hands together) Sandy: minimal Hebrew Ryan: which I'm fine with Sandy: no tallis no challah, no tefillin Seth: hey, as long as people are dancin to YMCA an handin over envelopes of cash we're in Sandy: then so are we Seth: (hits Ryan on the back excitedly) Mazel Tov buddy (Ryan smiles) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Marissa opens the door and walks in. she knocks on the slightly open door that leads to the kitchen and walks in Marissa: hey, what're you doing (we see Johnny sitting at the end of the table with his back facing Marissa, he doesn't turn around) Johnny: solitaire Marissa: are you winning (Johnny motions no) oh there's nothing worse than losing to yourself huh (Johnny looks up for a second and then back down) you got some time to talk Johnny: actually I'm kinda busy Marissa: (raises eyebrows) I can see that Johnny: no I'm serious uh (picks up cell phone and looks at Marissa) Marissa: (frowns, shrugs) w-what's your problem Johnny, I mean you don't want help from anyone or you jus don't want help from me Johnny: my problem is my problem (Johnny looks at Marissa. Marissa looks at him, the cell phone rings) Johnny: I'm sorry I gotta take this Marissa: (shrugs) I can wait Johnny: ...it's private (Johnny looks at Marissa and Marissa walks to the other end of the room. Johnny stands) Johnny: hey man actually its-its not a good time Marissa: (scoffs) you know what its fine (Johnny looks at her) ill go (Marissa walks towards the door) Johnny: Marissa (Marissa looks) I'm sorry ok (Marissa looks at Johnny and goes to shut the door. Johnny moves further away) Johnny: yeah sure I can meet you (Marissa shuts the door) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - we see Ryan sitting on the bed looking through Seth's Bar Mitzvah photo album. there is a photo of Seth by himself, then on the other page one of him standing between Sandy and Kirsten, and underneath that one of just him and Kirsten. aww Ryan turns the page back and we see a big photo of Seth alone, it's the first photo in the album Ryan: I can't believe this was you (Seth is near Ryan dragging out a large trunk) Seth: oh hard to believe I was once skinny an awkward I know Ryan: (frowns) no but-but seriously you went out in public like this (Seth is now sitting cross legged in front of the trunk) Seth: its one'a the unfortunate truths of the Bar Mitzvah Ryan, it's the most awkward time in a young Jewish boys life (lifts lid) but also the most photographed Ryan: mm is there a videotape too (raises eyebrows) Seth: you would have'ta kll me first (looks in trunk) hey, my archery award from camp Takaho, my clay hot dog I made in seventh grade, my diorama of I know how the cage bird sings (looks) there we go (pulls out CD) this is the CD I trained with (Ryan looks at him) Rabbi Guttermen he does a lovely job (hands Ryan CD) very easy for you ta mimic Ryan: ooo I don't know if I can do this man Seth: it'll be over before you know it, listen you jus chant a little Torah, you dance a little hora an then we're golden, as soon as you hear that's what friends are for your done Ryan: that songs Jewish Seth: it might as well be (nods) it's a staple of every Bar Mitzvah, its you an all your friends, your arms around each other swaying, it's awesome Ryan: (frowns) I thought all the kids you invited went to Luke's birthday party Seth: (looks at Ryan) it's hypothetically (points) awesome but tomorrow we're gonna rewrite history Ryan: well, I guess I should go study, an then I gotta meet up with Marissa Seth: hey no slacking with the lady ok, you got twenty four hours to learn Hebrew, to read the Old Testament Ryan: and humiliate myself in front'a (raises eyebrows) the whole town (starts to leave) Seth: (calls) its better than humiliatin yourself in front'a no one, trust me CUT TO: The hospital - Kirsten and Julie are walking together Kirsten: oh Julie this is just what we need to lift us out of our holiday blues (opens door) we're throwing a party Julie: it's called a Bar-Mitz vahkkah which sounds delightful Seth is definitely one of a kind but how is this gonna work Kirsten: we raise a little money for the hospital, they throw in an arthiscopic surgery Julie: an there gonna go for that (Neil comes out of a door wearing a surgical mask and blue scrubs. he sees the backs of Julie and Kirsten) Neil: Julie Cooper (Kirsten and Julie look over) Julie: hi Dr. have we met Neil: (pulls down mask) well I certainly hope so your daughters living at my house (Kirsten smiles) Julie: oh Neil I didn't even recognise you Kirsten: hi Neil how are you Neil: I'm good Kirsten, busy Julie: well I should thank you again for letting Marissa live with you Neil: oh there's no need to thank me, I know how unnerving a remodel can be (Julie looks down) Kirsten: uh d'you know where the administrators office is (smiles) Neil: Dr. Sing, what'do you want with that crank Kirsten: we're throwing a little fundraiser for the hospital Neil: (smiles) he's definitely not the guy to see about a party, besides he's in the Bahamas Kirsten: (disappointed) you're kidding Neil: but maybe I can help you, I'm head of plastic surgery an I'm on the board (Kirsten and Julie look at each other suprised) Julie: well yes well it's called a Bar-Mitz vahkkah CUT TO: Cohen family room - the first thing we hear is the opening music of That's What Friends Are For and a close up of Seth's Bar Mitzvah on the TV. you can tell the footage is old. we see a few tables around the room, and a big white dance floor with two older couples dancing together. the sht changes to show that Seth is watching it, it's hard to describe his expression but it's clearly hard for him to watch, poor guy. on the screen we see Kirsten, Sandy and a Rabbi Sandy: id like to introduce you to my father in-law (points) an here's the Nana, my mother Nana: well hello (shakes Rabbis hand) Sandy: my father in-law Caleb Nichol (points) (the Rabbi shakes Caleb's hand but we don't see Caleb) Caleb: shalom (the camera moves around and stops on a young Seth sitting by himself at a table. he looks miserable. we then see Seth flinch at the image, poor guy. on the screen Kirsten and Sandy go over to him) Kirsten: hey Seth (crouches) d'you wanna dance sweetheart Seth: this song is called that's what friends are for, it's for your friends Sandy: well, we're your friends (touches Seth's leg) Seth: (upset) this is my funeral, not my Bar Mitzvah, no one showed up...an you said Summer Roberts was coming (rolls eyes) Kirsten: (rubs Seth's arm) she RSVP'ed (whispers to Sandy) an so did alotta kids Seth: I hate it here (closes eyes) (we see Seth still watching, he's sort of frowning) Seth: owww Sandy: what, what Kirsten: what's wrong honey Seth: my rapid palette expanders klling me Sandy: oooh (Seth screws up his face and touches his teeth. we hear a door open. Ryan comes in and Seth turns off the TV) Seth: hey, portnoi? how's it goin Ryan: uh gotta meet Marissa, I'm late lost track'a time Seth: that's the Torah for you right there, once you start unscrolling its (grins) really hard to stop Ryan: (looks at Seth) I'm a dad man tomorrow by the way Seth: yeah well listen, in all seriousness I think it's pretty great what your doin for Johnny considering everything Ryan: yeah, maybe it'll make me a saint Seth: Jews don't believe in saints (shakes head) just really good stand up comics (Ryan leaves and Seth turns the TV back on .we hear the YMCA music. Seth mouthes it and does the actions with his hands, lol) CUT TO: The diner - Marissa is sitting in a booth by herself, the waitress walks over to her W: can I help you Marissa: hey I'm waiting for someone, it'll jus be a minute W: ok (walks away) (Marissa looks around and then notices Johnny standing by himself, through the window. she watches for a second and then walks over to the door, she watches for a second and then pokes her head around the corner so she can see better. we see what she is seeing which is Johnny and another guy, and Johnny hands over money. we see Johnny look around nervously and Marissa moves her head back behind the corner so he cant see her. Johnny walks away and then the guy follows after a few seconds. Marissa moves away from where she is standing - the next thing we see is Johnny standing on the beach by himself near the water. Marissa walks over to him) Marissa: hey, Johnny (Johnny looks over) are you ok Johnny: ...not really Marissa: hey look you're gonna get better Johnny: what if I don't (Marissa looks at him) my whole life I've dreamt of one thing, I was so close to makin that happen, it was gonna change my life Marissa: ...well that can still happen (we now see Ryan arriving at the diner. he walks in and sees the empty booth that Marissa was at, he looks around frowning and then leaves - we can now see Marissa and Johnny on the beach again) Johnny: I'm sorry I've been taking this out on you, I know I've made things weird (Marissa closes her eyes) but sometimes knowin that you're pullin for me...it's the only thing that keeps me goin Marissa: hey (touches Johnny's shoulder) we're gonna get through this, ok, we'll get through it together (Johnny looks at Marissa and then leans in to kiss her, Marissa turns her head away so they hug instead. Johnny closes his eyes. Marissa puts her hand on his back. Johnny looks frustrated with himself for what he did - we then see Ryan standing on the pier watching them hugging, he turns and walks away) CUT TO: Cohen backyard the next morning - Ryan comes out of the pool house followed by Seth Seth: what'do you mean your not doin it Ryan: I mean I'm done helpin this kid Seth: why did something happen Ryan: no somethins gonna happen Seth: well cant it jus wait till after the holidays (Ryan and Seth are now inside) Ryan: no, it can't (looks at Seth) Johnny's in love with Marissa and she can't seem to get enough'a the guy Sandy: ooh, sounds like there's a low grade relationship issue brewing Seth: very high grade, its level five Sandy: what's the problem Ryan: no there is no problem (looks at Sandy) I'm jus not humiliating myself tonight (starts to leave) Sandy: (calls) what, your quitting (Ryan leaves) this is bad news (Seth shows his teeth and nods. Kirsten comes in) Kirsten: great news, so Neil Roberts cleared the fundraiser with the board, Julie an I talked to the Newpsies, we're all set for tonight (smiles) you were right (kisses Sandy) mm (Seth frowns) this is gonna be the best Chrismukkah ever (raises eyebrows) I gotta go set up (leaves) Seth: that was...remarkable timing by mom right there Sandy: oy humbug (looks at Seth worried) CUT TO: Summers backyard - Neil is standing next to a huge Christmas tree. Summer is near him and there are a heap of poinsettia pot plants sitting near the tree. Neil is hanging an ornament Neil: well sweetheart I have'ta say your mom taught you well (looks at Summer) she use'ta spend hours picking out a tree seeing how dry the pines were (Summer is now also at the tree) Summer: mm if it's dry say goodbye Neil: how much sap was on the bark Summer: sticky but critical Neil: an how the tree looked with all of your presents underneath it Summer: anything with presents for me looks good (Neil smiles) Summer: ...dad Neil: what baby Summer: ...why did mom leave (looks at Neil) (Neil looks at Summer and continues hanging ornaments) Summer: well...I mean I was only thirteen...years old Neil: (looks at Summer) your mom...well she jus didn't like it here with me I guess Summer: I remember when you told me the news...I think that was the worst day of my life Neil: I know an you were already upset with me cause I didn't let you go to Luke Wards birthday party Summer: (looks at Neil) really Neil: yeah you had already RSVP'ed to some other engagement Summer: (frowns)...(realises) oh my god (smiles) yeah Neil: not that it mattered, you didn't come outta your room for three days, when you found out you...cried (Summer sighs and picks up an ornament from the box. Neil goes over to her and touches her arms) Neil: but we've done ok Summer: yeah (sad smile) Neil: an your step mother she's very sweet on ya Summer: well that's because she's medicated (pouts then smiles) (Neil looks at her) I'm sorry...I jus miss mom sometimes Neil: I know (touches Summers chin) (softly) me too (Summer smiles) I've got rounds, I wont be long Summer: kay (as Neil leaves Seth comes through the door) Neil: Seth Seth: Dr. Roberts (to Summer) did you see that (points) that was a breakthrough moment for us (Summer looks at him sadly) everything ok Summer: (almost crying) yeah...jus the holidays can be hard you know Seth: yeah, can I help (Seth puts his arm around Summer which brings her head to his. Summer closes her eyes and Seth kisses her head. aww) Summer: you already have (we see a sht of them standing together. aww) CUT TO: The diner - we see Johnny walk in, he goes over and sits across from Marissa Marissa: hey, thanks for meeting me Johnny: (sits, sighs) of course, after last night, you really talked me off the ledge Marissa: yyeah (looks at Johnny) I kinda wanted ta talk about last night (Johnny looks at her) I jus feel weird about what happened Johnny: nothing happened Marissa: I mean well there was a definite (raises eyebrows) vibe Johnny: that I like you, it's not a vibe it's the truth (Marissa looks down) which I've already shared with you, unintentionally, but you still seem to wanna hang out Marissa: (raises eyebrows) I do, I jus...I-I wanna stay friends Johnny: (sighs) can we...start over Marissa: yeah, of course I jus...I mean I kinda need to know that everything's ok with you Johnny: my knees screwed up and I give off a vibe but other than that Marissa: (leans forward) I mean w-what were you doing last night, cause I saw you out here with this guy an Johnny: look I thought we jus made peace (Marissa looks at him) I told you I'm...taking care'a things Marissa: ...w...what'does that mean Johnny: it means...don't ask questions (looks at Marissa) you don't want answers to (Marissa looks down) lets jus leave it at that ok (Johnny leaves. Marissa watches him, she looks worried) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is lying on the bed watching TV and we hear a knock. Sandy walks in Sandy: hey kid, mind turnin off the TV Ryan: I don't really feel like talking Sandy: oh that's good cause I do, you can listen (turns off TV) that's right (sits) its time for the big Sandy Cohen uplifting speech Ryan: look Sandy I've got my reasons Sandy: I'm sure you do (shrugs) jus like I had mine when I didn't want you to do this crazy thing Ryan: sorry to let you down Sandy: well it's not just me, there's also Kirsten...she has her heart set on it, an the hospital there all excited about it (Ryan looks away) an your friend Johnny who, whatever he's done, he could really use your help (nods) Ryan: he can still have the event jus...do it without me Sandy: oh that'd be missing the point (stands) the whole thing about a Bar Mitzvah is, its about becoming a man, not that you aren't one already but, if there were ever a time for an adult moment, this is it (Ryan looks down) whatever's goin on, set it aside until after tonight Ryan: id really be swallowing my pride Sandy: I'm not sayin it tastes good, but (shrugs, raises eyebrows) Ryan: you gotta do the right thing, yeah feels like I do that alot Sandy: that's cause Ryan Atwood...your a mensch (Ryan looks at him) an after tonight I'm gonna tell you what that means (smiles) (Ryan looks at him and then looks away almost smiling) CUT TO: Julies trailer - Julie is standing in front of an average tree decorating it, she bends over to do something and her bright red g-string is sitting above her jeans. she goes back over to the tree and turns the lights on, just as they light up the power goes out Julie: (frustrated, stomps foot) Gus! damnit (Julie walks over to the door and just as she goes to leave Kirsten opens it) Kirsten: oh Julie: oh Kirsten: Julie, what're you doing, we're suppose'ta be setting up Julie: yeah, right well you know I jus...felt like telling overdressed oversexed Newpsies how to hang streamers wasn't gonna make me feel any better Kirsten: an I thought we were doing this for charity Julie: well of course...its just I feel like the Newpsies won't get me anymore its not like I can have them over for poptarts an cockfights Kirsten: you're avoiding Marissa aren't you Julie: (looks at Kirsten) I had no problem keeping other secrets from her Kirsten: Julie tell her the truth, she's your daughter it's the holidays (Julie looks at her) you should be together Julie: ...your right...ill go over there this evening an do it (Kirsten smiles and leaves, Julie shuts the door and looks worried) CUT TO: The pool house - Marissa has the exact same expression as Julie did, she is sitting on the edge of the chair staring blankly. Ryan comes out of the bathroom and Marissa looks over. he looks soooo nice! all suited up with slicked back hair Marissa: (stands) I haven't heard from you all day Ryan: been studying, big night tonight Marissa: well I thought we were gonna have dinner last night Ryan: eh, alot of Old Testament to cover Marissa: (nods) well, I haven't heard you use that one before (Ryan doesn't look up) an it's probably good anyway Ryan: hows that good Marissa: because if you had shown up you might've seen me an Johnny an it (Ryan looks over) might've seemed like something it wasn't (Ryan looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at him) Ryan: ...I saw you guys (Marissa nods) I have a bad habit of showing up at the wrong time (moves closer to Marissa) Marissa: yeah well nothing happened, I promise (raises eyebrows) we were jus talking Ryan: (sighs, sits on the bed) looked like more than that (looks at Marissa) Marissa: he's in bad shape...I'm worried about him Ryan: well I'm startin to be to I (looks down, then at Marissa) what is this thing you have Marissa: what thing Ryan: always helpin these kinds'a guys (Marissa crouches in front of Ryan so their heads are level) Marissa: (smiles) what, the wounded loner types, sometimes they turn out to be good guys (looks at Ryan) I don't have feelings for Johnny, I'm just worried about him (stands, sighs) ...I think he might be up to something dangerous Ryan: (half laughs) Johnny doesn't seem like the dangerous type Marissa: yeah well (raises eyebrows) he's scared (Ryan looks at her) an desperate Ryan: what'do you think it is Marissa: I don't know, I mean dealing drugs (shrugs) we're jus so close to helping him (Ryan frowns, Marissa looks at him worried, Ryan sighs) Ryan: alright, alright well ill talk to him (stands) and uh...ill see you tonight (Marissa nods and Ryan leaves) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Ryan walks into the living room and Johnny's mom follows. Ryan: so uh how's Johnny doin J's mom: (puts hands out) you know, first his girlfriend then the accident, I jus don't know what he would do without all you guys Ryan: well that's what friends are for right (points, softly) it's in there J's mom: yeah his rooms just down the hall Ryan: thanks J's mom: ok (Ryan walks towards the hall) Ryan: (calls) Johnny, hey man Johnny: (off screen) Ryan, hey uh ill jus be a minute (we can hear water running from the shower) Ryan: yeah...(softly to himself) take your time (Ryan goes into Johnny's room and looks around. he opens a cupboard door looks and then closes it, he then opens a drawer looks, closes it and then another one. he looks around again and notices an open backpack, he moves some books forward and lifts up a brown paper bag, there are what look like skateboard wheels inside. Ryan puts the bag down and stands just as Johnny comes out of the bathroom, drying his hair) Johnny: hey man Ryan: (smiles) hey, sorry to show up unannounced Johnny: um, no problem, is everything cool Ryan: yeah, yeah yeah I actually I'm jus trying to uh (looks at Johnny) tryin'a get you to come to this party Johnny: it's not still for me right Ryan: no no no, no we found a different cause I'm um...I'm getting Bar Mitzvah'ed (Johnny looks at him confused) you'd have'ta know Seth better Johnny: well um thanks for the invite man but I got some stuff to do so Ryan: it'll be fun, you could use some fun Johnny: yeah (laughs) um I really can't Ryan: (a tad pushy) sure you can (smiles) (Johnny looks at him) everyone wants to see you, whatever your doin it can wait right (Johnny looks at Ryan, Ryan, looks at him not letting up) Johnny: um...ok uh well I jus gotta get ready, ill be five minutes Ryan: great (Johnny nods) I'm gonna embarrass myself in front of alotta people (starts to leave) Johnny: hey man (Ryan looks) thanks Ryan: yeah (nods) (Johnny shuts the door and sits on his bed, he moves his backpack and behind it is another bag from which he pulls out a gn. he sits it in his hand and looks at it, then looks up and we see his profile) CUT TO: Ryan's Bar-Mitz vahkkah - we see a huge photo of little Ryan in a red baseball uniform, he's wearing a red hat with D on it. surrounding the photo is this white border that you can sign, there are a heap of signatures already and Seth is signing it. the camera zooms out to show that Summer is standing with him Seth: look at all them signatures, attendance is amazing Summer: so Cohen no one came to you're Bar Mitzvah (pouts) Seth: uh not no one (shakes head) the Nana came uhhh Rabbi Guttermen swung by after the ceremony so Summer: (looks at Seth sadly) that is so sad Seth: well apparently me in the yamaka was not as enticing a draw as Luke in camo pants (Sandy comes over) Sandy: hey (we now see that Marissa Ryan and Johnny are also there, just standing a little away from Seth and Summer) Sandy: the photographer has summoned us for our family photos, and Ryan our orthodontist (points) has offered to take your braces off for the big day (Ryan frowns) Seth: oh couldnt'a done that for me (Seth, Summer, Johnny, Marissa and Ryan start walking over. Ryan grabs Marissa's arm to hold her back. he looks at Johnny, Johnny looks at him smiles and then keeps walking. Marissa looks at Ryan) Ryan: don't let him outta your sight ok Marissa: (raises eyebrows) your ok with that Ryan: yeah, well, until I can figure out what he's up to (Marissa and Ryan keep walking) CUT TO: The Roberts front door - Julie rings the doorbell, Neil answers the door Neil: Julie (smiles) look at you, whoa Julie: (smiles) uh I hope I'm not disturbing you Neil: come on in (motions) Julie: thankyou (goes in) I haven't been here in so many years I forgot how majestic your home is Neil: (shuts door) well luckily there are alot of...aging vain people in this town Julie: (smiles) is Marissa here, I was hoping ta catch up with her Neil: no she already left for the event Julie: oh, well, just as well I suppose (sad smile) Neil: would you like a drink (Julie smiles) (the next thing we see is Julie and Neil outside at the bar. Neil is making the drinks and Julie is sitting at the bar) Neil: well I think Marissa's a great girl, she's very good for Summer, gives her an ally in the house when I'm working Julie: well, Marissa wasn't a fan of my remarriage either, but hopefully ill have her out of your hair soon, remodels almost finished (Neil looks at Julie, Julie looks at him. Neil pours the drinks) Neil: little white lies we tell our kids Julie: excuse me Neil: well I've been telling Summer that everything's great also, truth is I'm looking down the barrel of divorce number two (looks at Julie) Julie: oh, Neil I'm so sorry Neil: oh don't be, the way my wife self medicates she could be a pharmacist...ben miserable for years Julie: I live in a trailer park (Neil looks at her) (smiles) if only I could say that to Marissa Neil: sometimes its ok to keep our kids out of harms way Julie: I jus feel terrible lying to her, we've come so far Neil: you're remodeling your life, its all about how you slice it Julie: yes well, you are the surgeon (Neil raises his eyebrows) (Julie and Neil clink glasses) Julie: d'you have any interest in a party (Neil drinks and looks at Julie) CUT TO: Ryan's Bar-Mitz vahkkah - we see the flash from a camera and Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Ryan standing together. there is a photographer in front of them. we then see Marissa and Johnny standing nearby. Marissa hugs a woman Marissa: its nice to see you again (smiles) (Ryan looks over in the direction of Marissa and Johnny) Photographer: uh Ryan (motions with finger) over here please, everybody eyes right to the lens (everyone smiles, and yes Seth looks uncomfortable, lol. the photographer takes another photo) Photographer: terrific Summer: (to a couple) let me show you to your seats (to Marissa) I was born to usher (touches Marissa as she walks by) Sandy: Marissa (Marissa looks) come, join us (motions) your practically family Seth: I think technically she is (Marissa smiles and stands next to Ryan. Ryan puts his arm around her waist) Photographer: over here everybody, one two (takes photo) (Johnny starts moving away from everyone) Photographer: great lets jus have one with the Bar Mitzvah boy Ryan: (sarcastically) yay Marissa: ill be right back (Marissa notices that Johnny isn't where he was and looks through the crowd for him, she looks worried - the next thing we see is the mic being put on the stand on stage. Sandy, Seth and Ryan are standing on the side of the stage. Sandy points at Ryan and mouths something. Ryan takes out his speech and Sandy goes over to the mic) Sandy: (into mic) how are you good people'a Newport Beach (everyone claps) welcome to the first and quite possibly the very last Chrismukkah Bar-Mitz vahkkah (Marissa pokes her head through the curtain and goes over to Ryan) Sandy: (off screen) a charity event for the Hoag hospital, this is an honorary... Marissa: (frowns) Johnny's gone Ryan: what Marissa: yeah, I lost him I don't know how but he can't be far Ryan: uh ok, alright uh ill be right back Marissa: ok (Ryan leaves and Seth looks over at Sandy on the stage) Sandy: (off screen) ...fundraiser, I hope you find it entertaining an enlightening, an if not we've thrown in a big party for good measure, now the young man who'll soon become a real man is Ryan Atwood, I'm sure some of you have heard of him, but none of you have seen him like this, lets hear it for Ryan Atwood (everyone claps) Marissa: (to Seth) go Seth: no Marissa: (raises eyebrows) do something, you gotta Seth: no, I am not reliving this once was horrible enough (Sandy claps and looks at Marissa and Seth standing there) Marissa: ok, come on, stop, please (the camera goes from Sandy clapping to Seth reluctantly walking on stage, Kirsten looks suprised. Sandy stops clapping and looks at Seth) Seth: (taps mic) Seth Cohen hello (moves stand closer to Sandy) uhhh Ryan...forgot his glasses so he's going to be right back (during Seth's speech Summer pokes her head through the curtain. Marissa looks at her. Summer looks at Marissa with a "what's going on" expression. Summer stands next to Marissa and Marissa looks worried. they both look at Seth and Sandy, Marissa frowns) Sandy: Ryan doesn't wear glasses Seth: he does when he's reading from right to left (the next thing we see is Ryan out the front of the club coming down the stairs just as Johnny drives off. Ryan runs to the range rover and gets in - we now see Seth on stage again) Seth: an so that is how I came up...with Chrismukkah, because you cant have Chris...without a little mukkah (claps) huh (no one reacts) who here (points) is familiar with the story...of Chanukah (a woman frowns) no, red sea pedestrians, ok, well today is your lucky day because Summer Roberts (motions) will you please join me on stage (camera shows no that one came out) Summer Roberts (holds open hand out) (Summer shakes her head at Seth. Marissa looks at Summer and elbows her as if to say "go" Kirsten looks confused) Seth: Summer, can I welcome you to the stage, please (Summer looks at Marissa, grabs her arm and heads towards the stage reluctantly) Marissa: (suprised) owww (we see Summer come out on the stage reluctantly, holding Marissa's hand so she goes with her, lol. they both smile) Seth: she is gonna be portraying the part of the Judah Maccabi (points) an Marissa Cooper will be portraying the miraculous oil (Summer lets go of Marissa's hand and puts her arm around her back) oo I hope I didn't give away the ending (Marissa and Summer look at each other) CUT TO: The road - we see Johnny's car go through an orange light and turn the corner. Ryan is sitting after the car after Johnny's and moves into the left lane to follow Johnny around the corner. the light changes from orange to red so Ryan has to stop, from there though he sees Johnny park at RockView mini mart across the road. Johnny gets out and we see that Ryan is still watching him. we then see Johnny put the gn behind his back and tuck it into the waist of his pants, underneath his jacket. Ryan looks worried - we then see the worker at the mini mart start to lock up just as Johnny goes in, it's empty except for one woman who puts her things on the counter to be served. Johnny is standing behind a shelf as if hes browsing Worker: we're closin up (the worker goes back behind the counter and turns off a light so the section that Johnny is standing in is now a little darker. Johnny looks around almost nervously. the worker rings up the woman's purchase and looks over at Johnny, Johnny looks down. the worker looks at Johnny suspiciously then hands the woman her change. Johnny walks a little bit and then looks over at the worker again. the worker stares back at Johnny so he looks away and walks a bit more. Johnny looks over at the worker again who is still looking at him. the worker takes his keys off a hook and Johnny looks away. the worker looks at Johnny and then slowly reaches down, we see what he is touching which is of course his own gn. Johnny again looks at the worker and the worker looks at him. Johnny reaches for his gn and starts to walk over to the counter when Ryan comes in the door) Ryan: hey man (the worker look	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x10 - The Chrismukkah Bar-Mitzvahkkah"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - The Bait Shop, night - the first thing we see is a close up of a 2 drinks with straws in them. the camera pans up to show that Summer is drinking one of them, we can hear the sucking sound. the sht changes and we see that Ryan, Marissa and Seth are also there. they are all sitting at the bar in a row. Ryan, Marissa and Seth watch Summer as she noisily sucks her glass dry Summer: (swallows) aah, who's ready for another faux-hito Marissa: I think I kinda ht a wall on the mocktails (raises eyebrows) besides it's a school night Summer: no but it's not a school night (sadly) it's our last night before our last semester of our last year of high school, so we have'ta make it...last (frowns) Seth: its hard to argue with that logic (Summer raises her eyebrows at Seth and Seth makes a face at Summer. it's meant to be scary but I think it just looks cute!) Marissa: you guys (smiles) this has been a really fun winter break (Seth smiles sentimentally, agreeing with Marissa) Marissa: just the four of us (nudges Seth with elbow and then Ryan) hangin out like old times Ryan: yeah I can't believe it's gone by so fast Summer: I wish I could like Tivo it so we could play it over an over again until graduation Seth: well unfortunately after tonight its back to regularly scheduled programming Marissa: (sadly, with chin resting on her hand) for you guys (unenthusiastically) I gotta go back to Newport Union by myself (we see close-ups of Summer and Ryan looking at Marissa) Marissa: I gotta pee (to Summer) you gotta pee Summer: no, not really Seth: I gotta pee (looks at Summer) Summer: kay Seth: screw it, ill go get us some drinks first (Seth and Marissa walk off leaving Summer and Ryan sitting together at opposite ends) Summer: (thinks, looks at Ryan) what if it doesn't have'ta end Ryan: what, winter break Summer: no, the four of us being together (Ryan frowns) its a new year but its our last chance, senior photos are this Friday, the Harbor class'a 2006 will be immortalised in the yearbook (raises eyebrows) for like all time, Marissa has'ta be part'a that picture Ryan: are you saying what I think your saying (looks at Summer) Summer: yes, the dirty dean he's gone, right, an Dr Kim she's always seemed pretty reasonable Ryan: yeah but the board kicked out Marissa not Dr Kim, plus there's all those concerned parents Summer: whatever, out of sight outta mind (Ryan looks at her) time heals all wounds (Ryan frowns) you love something set it...free- (Ryan frowns) no, maybe they're over it! Ryan: yeah, this towns real forgiving (Summer looks at him and holds her hands out) (Seth comes back) Seth: they were all out of faux-hitos so I got us a couple'a fake manhattans an a safe sex on the beach Summer: but Ryan (Seth sits) what if the four of us can all finish senior year together Ryan: (to Seth) uh Summers planning operation "Free Marissa" Seth: ooh Summer: yeah secure some key allies, go behind enemy lines Seth: you been watchin the wr channel again Summer: (matter of factly) yes it's the new food network Seth: I'm always up for a little danger an intrigue (looks at Ryan) Summer: see (points) Ryan: you guys (raises eyebrows) seriously wanna do this (Summer grins and Seth shrugs with a "why not" expression) Ryan: (sighs) ok, alright (Summer claps happily) but we don't tell Marissa until we have a plan Summer: cheers (holds out drink) to getting Marissa back to where she belongs (Ryan, Seth and Summer clink glasses) Seth: (frowns) anyone have an idea how we do that (we see close-ups of Summer and Ryan's clueless expressions) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Harbor school, next morning - we see kids walking around outside. in the distance there is a maroon banner that reads Senior Class and then underneath that in big white writing is PHOTO, there is also writing in the corners but we cant read it. Seth and Summer are walking up the stairs together Summer: I cannot believe it is our last semester of high school Seth: I know, college applications have been sent off, studying, homework, learning, all the reasons to come here are pretty much irrelevant Summer: well good with all your free time you can help out with "Free Marissa" Seth: an to what exactly are we freeing her from Summer: um exile to public school, year of solitude, ill fitting gym shorts, mediocre lunches, hey there's Ryan (Ryan comes down the stairs just up ahead of Seth and Summer) Ryan: hey (sighs) can't talk got an appointment with Dr Kim Summer: what're ya gonna say Ryan: (walks backwards) jus gonna come right out an ask (Seth raises his eyebrows) Summer: alright, direct approach I like it (calls) good luck (Seth and Summer keep walking) Summer: excellent, prong one of the campaign has been initiated (points) you an I will take on prong two, grass roots ?, you know information booth, petition maybe a protest rally Seth: (looks at Summer) how many prongs are involved in this operation Summer: dude, like soo many prongs (we are now in Dr Kim's office. Ryan knocks) Dr Kim: (looks over) Ryan, come on in, what can I do for you Ryan: Dr Kim sorry I'm late, actually I wanted to talk to you about Marissa Cooper Dr Kim: oh, how's she doing over at Union Ryan: good, good uh as good as can be expected um actually I was wondering if you might consider reinstating her this semester Dr Kim: Ryan I- Ryan: cause her grades are good, she hasn't been in any trouble Dr Kim: (hands Ryan books to hold) Ryan I understand Marissa's expulsion seemed terribly unfair to you, an frankly I wish the outcome had been different myself Ryan: would you consider letting her reapply Dr Kim: even if I wanted to only the board of trustees has the power to readmit an expelled student (starts to leave) Ryan: (follows) ok great, could we meet with them Dr Kim: there meeting on Thursday ta discuss the new semester (frowns) its a little late...but (looks at Ryan) uh, I could probably get Marissa's case put on the docket Ryan: that would be great Dr Kim: Ryan, you'll be fighting an uphill battle Ryan: (raises eyebrows) yeah, wouldn't be the first time Dr Kim: they rarely reverse their decisions on anything Ryan: all we need is a chance Dr Kim: students are not allowed to speak at board meetings, you'll need a parent advocate Ryan: I think I know someone who'd be right for the job (Dr Kim nods) thankyou Dr Kim (hands back books) Dr Kim: you might wanna check the library for transcripts of old meetings there might be a precedent, say, fall semester in nineteen ninety six (Dr Kim walks away and Ryan looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa is at her locker and as she starts walking away Johnny goes over Johnny: hey Marissa Marissa: (smiles) Johnny, hey (Johnny holds his arms out and Marissa hugs him) Marissa: how was your break, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever Johnny: uh you know jus been layin low since the operation, I've already started physical therapy Marissa: that's great Johnny: thanks, what'a you been up to Marissa: um (raises eyebrows) I don't know jus hangin out with Seth an Summer, Ryan doing nothing, its kinda great actually (smiles) Johnny: (laughs) well look um if you've still got nothin to do there's this...thing that I want you to go to with me Marissa: uh, ok, m what kinda thing (Marissa and Johnny are now walking) Johnny: um, it's a party actually, see PacWest is doing this big press event for their 2006 surf team on Thursday Marissa: (looks at Johnny) w- the PacWest surf team Johnny: coach called last night asking how the surgery went, it turns out one'a their guys failed the drug test so, I got an alternate spot on the team (Marissa smiles) I can do my physio on the road an hopefully compete by summer (smiles) Marissa: wow, that's amazing Johnny Johnny: thanks, um we're only allowed to bring one guest to the party so (Marissa looks at him) what'do you say (unsure) Marissa: oh well, I mean shouldn't you take your mom or I don't know one of your entourage, I'm sure Chili's dying ta go Johnny: no I want you to go (Marissa looks down) I mean, none'a this would be happening if it weren't for you (Marissa looks at Johnny, Johnny looks at Marissa hopeful) Marissa: alright then I wouldn't miss it (Johnny smiles) hey (hugs Johnny) I'm really happy for you Johnny Johnny: (smiles) thanks CUT TO: NB Yacht Club - Kirsten and Julie are sitting at a table together Kirsten: first meeting of a brand new year Julie: of a brand new enterprise (Kirsten smiles) Kirsten: let's dig in Julie: ok Kirsten: (looks at papers) divorced, divorced, separated, divorced, I didn't know there were so many broken marriages in this town it's an epidemic Julie: speaking of which (we see that Julie noticed Neil come in) Kirsten: (looks over) (softly) Dr Roberts is getting a divorce Julie: shh, you didn't hear it from me, I'm gonna go say hi, he's been so good to Marissa (stands) (Julie walks over to Neil who is sitting at the bar) Julie: hey Neil how are you Neil: hey, Julie (takes off glasses) well Happy New Year Julie: should old acquaintance be forgot Neil: well I don't think that you're in much danger of being old or forgot any time soon (laughs) Julie: your too sweet (smiles) I never properly thanked you for having me over for Christmas dinner Neil: well it's a pleasure, took the focus off of Gloria's conspicuous absence Julie: ah, you haven't told Summer about...your separation Neil: no, she thinks that Gloria didn't call because she's in some zen retreat Julie: an Marissa thinks I'm supervising the longest condo renovation in history (smiles) Neil: (nods, smiles) I feel a couple'a New Years resolutions comin on (Julie screws up her face at the thought) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer and Seth are in the student lounge together Summer: if we're gonna launch a successful campaign to get Marissa back inta Harbor we have'ta find someone who could organise the masses (looks at Seth) someone who they'll follow um you know inta battle Seth: you mean General Townsend (motions with his head) (we see that Taylor is sitting at a table with Madison and Ashley who we've seen a few times before) Summer: (looks at Seth) affirmative (Seth smiles) (Summer and Seth walk over to Taylor) Summer: hey, Taylor, hi Mad hey Ash Seth: Mad Ash (smiles) Taylor: Summer Seth hi um I le-I left you guys a message about my Boxing Day party (Seth looks at Summer. Summer has her mouth wide open) Taylor: I guess you (shakes head) uh you didn't get it though but like how was your break, awesome Seth: (nods) yes, so awesome (points) in fact that we need your help with something Taylor: oh, you want my help (points to herself) whatever you need I'm there for you a hundred an ten percent Summer: oh cool cause uh we're launching a campaign Taylor: I love campaigns Summer: to get Marissa back inta Harbor (Madison and Ashley look at each other) Taylor: (stunned) oh, wow that's (points) aggressive (looks at Summer) are you serious Summer: Taylor, who out of our group (Taylor looks at her) would be better than you at winning over the hearts an minds of the student body (raises eyebrows) (Seth grins) Taylor: did you say our group Seth: great so you'll do it (points) Taylor: (smiles) it's an honour to share your fox hole (holds out hand) (Madison and Ashley look at each other in disbelief. Seth shakes Taylor's hand) Summer: ok so we're going in front of the trustees on Thursday (Taylor picks up a pen & finds a blank page) so I was thinking maybe you could like go home tonight an brainstorm (frowns) we could go over the plan at (raises eyebrows) o eight hundred Taylor: (enthusiastically) sounds good Summer: thanks friend (Seth waves) bye (Taylor gives Seth and Summer a salute as they leave then smiles happily as she writes) Ashley: oh my god (leans forward) Taylor (Talyor looks at her) Marissa Cooper is like your number one rival I mean if she gets back inta Harbor she'll like totally socially crush you Taylor: (laughs) grow up Ashley that is so last semester Madison: I...hate to be the one ta burst your popularity bubble but isn't your mom still head of the parents association Taylor: so Madison: soooo she's the one who started the petition to get Marissa kicked out in the first place Taylor: (not phased) also last semester (writes some more) I'm sure she's totally over it Ashley: your mom, over it (Ashley and Madison look at each other mouth "not" and shake their heads. Taylor is starting to look worried now) CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy walks into his office followed by Ryan Ryan: and in nineteen ninety six the board voted to reinstate a kid due to extenuating circumstances after he thrat another student with a Knfe Sandy: (looks at Ryan, impressed) you've done your homework Ryan: so that's precedent right Sandy: yeah, but a precedent is just a small piece of a bigger puzzle (sits at his desk) (shakes head) it...doesn't guarantee anything Ryan: look, if your sayin we don't have a case then uh that's fine I get it but, if this is because (sits) you don't want Marissa an me goin to the same school...I promise you things are different now (looks at Sandy) Sandy: (looks at Ryan, leans forward) you have a sht, but it's a long one Ryan: ok, we need a parent advocate to address the board, would you Sandy: a good cause, poor odds, a chance to ruffle some Newpsie feathers (shrugs) how could I say no, who's the chairman this year Ryan: uh (reads) guy named Mercer Sandy: (sits forward) Jim Mercer Ryan: yeah, you know him Sandy: yeah he's a judge, I've argued before him many times Ryan: hm an that's a good thing right Sandy: well he's what they call a hanging judge (Ryan nods) he's a real hard ass (reassuringly) jus means we'll have'ta present a really good case that's all Ryan: great (thinks) now all we gotta do is CUT TO: Roberts' house - Marissa and Ryan are in the living room together Ryan: cross your fingers because it is all handled, any luck you'll be back at Harbor by Friday morning (Marissa blinks, speechless) Ryan: is that the uh good kind of speechless or the-the bad kind Marissa: (raises eyebrows) uh g-good kind (Ryan smiles) I just- wow could it really happen Ryan: well it's not a sure thing but yeah (touches Marissa's leg) look I know that you jus got settled at Union you've made a few friends, if your happy where you are I don't wanna mess that up Marissa: no are you kidding (leans forward) id love to finish high school with you guys Ryan: alright, I'm gonna go grab dinner, check in with Sandy an I will call - you later (kisses Marissa) (Ryan starts to leave) Marissa: hey when's the meeting Ryan: uhh Thursday Marissa: uh this Thursday Ryan: yeah, that alright Marissa: yeah... (we hear the sound of the door opening as Ryan leaves. Marissa looks unsure) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - we see a close up of the laptop screen and on it is a graphics program with a t-shirt shape up on the screen. it is black with FREE then a head sht of Marissa underneath and then MARISSA underneath that. {fyi you can actually now buy this shirt in the OCI shop if you are an OCI'er. I cannot wait to see what it looks like in person} the camera zooms out to show that Summer is using the laptop and Marissa comes in Marissa: hey Summer: (quickly shuts laptop) hey did you talk to Ryan Marissa: yeah (sits) Summer: not exactly the triumphant enthusiasm I was expecting Marissa: I'm sorry, I really do appreciate everything you guys'a been doing Summer: (closes eyes) but Marissa: but does anyone even want me back at Harbor Summer: what other than your three best friends Marissa: well what if it doesn't work Summer: it's gonna work Marissa: ...an the meeting is this Thursday Summer: (folds arms) Coop what is going on Marissa: well its jus that PacWest is announcing Johnny as an alternate on their team that night (Summer frowns) an...I kinda promised him id be there (shrugs) Summer: mm (nods) well that's really nice of you, but your jus gonna have'ta cancel (smiles) sorry (hands Marissa phone) he'll be happy for you (Summer leaves and Marissa reluctantly starts to dial, after three numbers she stops and puts the phone down) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen, next morning - Sandy is in there slicing a bagel and Kirsten walks in Kirsten: the boys seem really excited about getting Marissa back inta Harbor, d'you think she has a chance Sandy: well there's a good argument ta be made (Ryan and Seth come in from outside carrying poster board and paint etc basically supplies for the campaign) Ryan: morning Sandy: morning Kirsten: (notices) oooooh the boys have poster board an paint (Seth and Ryan smile as if to say "yeah yeah" and Ryan grabs a bagel) Sandy: I love student activism (smiles) Ryan: yeah, did'you get a chance ta throw a call inta judge Mercer (Kirsten goes to drink and stops when she hears that name) Sandy: he's gonna be outta town till Wednesday, but I did speak to another trustee who assured me that we'll be given a fair chance to present Marissa's case Ryan: alright, well uh let us know if there's anything more we can do (to Seth) we should get going Seth: yeah Summer will kick our ass if we're late with our supply drop (Ryan waves) Sandy: have fun Seth: thankyou (waves) (Ryan and Seth leave and Kirsten moves around the counter so she is facing Sandy) Kirsten: (softly) this isn't the same judge Mercer that jailed you for contempt Sandy: (nods) six hours in the slammer cause he didn't like my closing argument, an to this day I still don't understand what it is I said to the guy that-that that struck such a nerve Kirsten: all I remember is that he hated you passionately (raises eyebrows) maybe he won't remember Sandy: not likely, an he's not outta town, he's ignoring me, thinks anything a councilor has'ta say should be done on the record Kirsten: oh come on its not like this is an actual trial Sandy: tell that to judge Mercer (kisses Kirsten's cheek) CUT TO: Newport Union - Johnny and Dennis are coming down the stairs. Johnny has papers in his hand Dennis: I don't understand why do you need to see the PacWest doctor, why can't they just have your doctor send over your charts an stuff Johnny: i dont know jus somethin ta do with their insurance, I'm sure its just standard stuff (Marissa walks over when they are at the bottom of the stairs) Marissa: hey guys Dennis: hey Marissa: (to Johnny) can I talk to you for a sec Dennis: um if you want man I can give you a lift over to the doctors at lunch (to Marissa) if you want (points) I can give you a lift any time (Johnny smiles and Dennis walks away) Marissa: I thought you were done with all the doctor stuff Johnny: yeah it's a routine post op thing it's no big deal Marissa: ok (Johnny is now at his locker) Johnny: so what's up Marissa: um...I uh I was gonna call you last night...I don't think I can make it to your party on Thursday Johnny: your not sure or- Marissa: no, no I can't, see there's this board meeting at my old school an (shrugs, frowns) I kinda have'ta be there cause there gonna decide whether or not I can (raises eyebrows) reapply this semester Johnny: (looks at Marissa) your goin back to private school Marissa: well I mean it's not a done deal...but uh yeah I'm gonna try Johnny: oh that's great Marissa: really, cause I was worried you might be upset Johnny: why I mean I'm happy for you Marissa: right (nods) course (smiles) Johnny: anyway Chili will be stoked you know he was next in line for the party so (smiles) Marissa: I'm really sorry Johnny: you'll go to the next one (smiles) Marissa: (nods, smiles) alright, ill see you later (Marissa walks away and Johnny's smile goes, he looks crushed) CUT TO: Harbor school - Taylor, Seth and Summer are walking outside together. Taylor is holding a huge sign that says MARISSA then underneath that COOPER then underneath that GRADUATES. Seth is holding flyers and Summer is holding a petition Taylor: ok how many flyers do we have Seth: four stacks of two hundred Taylor: (nods) ok good I want one of those on every locker by lunch, you put the extras on bathroom stalls an mirrors um (points) any word on the t-shirts Summer: uh Ryan's suppose'ta get them at lunch Taylor: great I'm gonna put some pressure on my button guy an see if I can get em done at the same time (Summer nods) Seth: uh-oh (points) fre in the hole (Taylor looks where Seth is pointing and looks almost scared. we then see Veronica approaching them) Veronica: Taylor (Taylor stands in front of the sign trying to hide it) Taylor: mom what're you doing here Veronica: I just came from my pre board meeting Summer: (frowns) Taylor's moms on the board (Seth mouths "I don't know") Veronica: do you know there's a motion on the docket to reinstate Marissa Cooper (pulls sign out from behind Taylor) Taylor: ...yes Seth: flyer (holds out "Free Marissa" flyer) (Veronica takes the flyer from Seth and looks at it. it's the same design as what's on the shirts. Taylor looks at Summer and Seth. Veronica looks at Seth unimpressed) Veronica: may I have a word with you (grabs Taylor's arm) (Veronica pulls Taylor away and we see them talking while Veronica screws up the flyer. Seth and Summer watch) Seth: I don't know what she's sayin but it can't be good Summer: how dare you do this (we see Veronica speak this part at the same time) without talking to me (Seth looks at her) I can read lips, star magazine what the stars are really saying Seth: oohh Taylor: I'm helping my friend's mom Veronica: Taylor you don't have any friends (Taylor looks down) which is one'a the reasons why I had Marissa Cooper- Summer: (as Veronica mouths it) removed from the school in the first place Seth: that's so demented (Summer looks at him) (Veronica hands the screwed up flyer to Taylor and walks away angrily) Seth: oh you dropped your-you dropped your (holds up flyer) your flyer (Taylor slowly walks back over to Seth and Summer with her head down sadly) Taylor: um (looks up) I cant help you guys anymore, sorry (walks away) Summer: Taylor (worried, frowns) Seth: I guess that means no button guy (disappointed) Summer: (annoyed) oh Seth (nudges Seth) Seth: I jus wanted to meet the button guy CUT TO: Newport Group - we see a close up of a newspaper article that has the heading "Harbor Student Questioned in sh*ting" we can hear Matt on the phone Matt: (on the phone) well I'm lookin at a count sheet that puts the property value at twelve, yeah I'm meetin with him right now (Sandy looks at him) ok ill call you back in twenty (sits) so, I say we put a cash bid on the orbina buildng at eleven five Sandy: I thought you said the orbina building was over valued Matt: (points) that was before my guy found out Lockheed plans to build a new plant in the area Sandy: (impressed) oh well done, your guy Matt: yeah, I have a guy (Sandy laughs) (laughs) actually he's your guy too (Sandy's smile goes) licensed private investigator registered with the state, completely legal, above the board Sandy: well maybe he could dig up a little something on the honourable Jim Mercer Matt: who's that Sandy: he's the head'a the Harbor board of trustees, the person who has the final say on whether or not Marissa will be readmitted Matt: an I take it that's a problem Sandy: oh he's not a big fan'a mine Matt: ill put in a call Sandy: (puts hand up) w-whoa Matt: just a little background check, jus see what he comes up with (stands) it'll be fun (Matt leaves and Sandy doesn't look like he's completely against the idea) CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa is sitting a table by herself with her lunch. Ryan sits down next to her Ryan: hey Marissa: hey (smiles, puts arms around Ryan) what're you doing here Ryan: I dropped by to give you an update and some campaign shwag (Marissa laughs) (holds up t-shirt) what'do you think Marissa: wow, I love it, what's next coffee mugs (raises eyebrows) baseball caps Ryan: yeah whatever it takes Marissa: seriously I can't believe this is happening Ryan: where's Johnny (frowns) dont- doesn't he usually eat with you Marissa: yeah well he had a doctor's appointment; oh I guess PacWest's giving him a second chance Ryan: really, that's great Marissa: yeah (nods) everything's finally working out (Marissa cell phone rings) Marissa: (answers) hello...um ok...are you sure...uhhhh ok well then ill-ill come right now, bye (hangs up) Ryan: everything alright Marissa: uh, yeah, that was jus Chili, I guess he's not feeling well so I need'ta bring him this book Ryan: (raises eyebrows) what you need'ta bring him a book right now Marissa: (shrugs) it won't take me long Ryan: alright, well I could drive you Marissa: no, you know you should get back, help Summer on the front lines (stands) ill see you guys at the diner ok Ryan: yeah Marissa: (kisses Ryan's cheek) mm, thanks for stopping by Ryan: yeah (Marissa leaves and Ryan sits there tapping a button on his fingers) CUT TO: Harbor school - we see a flyer being put up on a locker and then we see that Summer is the one who put it there, she hurt her finger in the process. Ryan goes over to her Summer: (points) don't tell me there's a problem with the t-shirts or I might freak out Ryan: t-shirts are fine there in the car Summer: (relieved) ok Ryan: (frowns) it's Marissa, jus came from Union she got a call from Chili an took off, somethin I should know Summer: n- well there might be a slight...issue Ryan: right Summer: I mean not like an issue issue, a friend issue...with Johnny issue (shrugs) (Ryan doesn't look happy) she's afraid she might be abandoning him Ryan: oooof course she is (turns to walk away) Summer: wait (pulls Ryan back and his side slams into the locker) stand down private, its the way she's wired, you wouldn't love her if she wasn't (Ryan looks at her) she wants ta come back here an she told Johnny jus like she said she would, if you wanna get mad an punch somebody or something...why not Taylor's mom, you need'ta get your ass back inta gear (gives Ryan a bag of buttons) start handing out some buttons (Summer puts a flyer up on the locker behind Ryan and hits it hard. Ryan flinches lol) CUT TO: Roberts' house - Julie walks up to the front door and rings the doorbell. Neil answers the door Julie: (suprised) Neil Neil: Julie, what a nice suprise Julie: yes, yes it is I- I mean I didn't expect to see you at home, I'm looking for Marissa Neil: well the girls aren't home from school yet, why'dont you come in (Julie smiles and walks in. Neil motions for her to follow him to the living room) Julie: so no rhinos to plasty today Neil: (smiles) oh well Gloria called she wants her things sent to her sisters in Napa, so I cleared my schedule, thought id have that talk with Summer today Julie: well, aren't we two peas in a pod, now that Marissa might go back to Harbor the money I have saved for a new place will go to tuition, kind of forces my hand with the trailer situation (worried) I don't know what she's gonna think Neil: well I think she's gonna be very grateful (Julie looks at him skeptically) her mom making sacrifices for her future (Julie forces a small smile. Neil motions for Julie to sit on the couch) Julie: ooh yeah Neil: um (Neil sits down on the long couch and Julie sits down across from him in an armchair) Neil: girls should be home uh-hm, they should be home any minute (Julie smiles almost awkwardly. they both seem a little nervous) Neil: I think they were up most of the night last night working on that petition Julie: oh Neil: they're so hopeful Julie: an here we are about to ruin everything Neil: really (sits forward) its uh really selfish of us if you think about it isn't it Julie: yeah, you know I-I suppose I could wait a few days you know see how everything pans out Neil: seems like more of a weekend conversation doesn't it Julie: you are so right Neil: you know (looks at Julie) I could really go for a drink Julie: you read my mind (Julie and Neil stand) CUT TO: Johnny's bedroom - Dennis is sitting on the edge of the bed holding what looks like a broken surfing trophy. Marissa comes in and looks around stunned. we see what she is seeing which is a majorly trashed room. clothes everywhere, things smashed etc. it's a mess Marissa: oh my god (looks around) where is he Dennis: ...who knows, PacWest doctors refused to sign off on his knee, they said its too soon to tell whether or not he'll be back hundred percent (looks at Marissa upset) there not gonna let him tour (Marissa looks worried) (looks down) I've never seen him like this, not even after the accident Marissa: well we gotta find him Dennis: tell him what...everything's gonna be ok (Marissa looks away) the guys futures trashed he's pretty much lost everything (looks at Marissa) I don't know if he'll be able ta make it back from this (Marissa looks sad and worried. we then see a few beach/surfy scenes while the sun goes down) CUT TO: The Diner, now night - Ryan, Seth and Summer are sitting in a booth together. they all look tired and on the verge of giving up Summer: I can't believe we spent all day canvassing an we only have like thirteen signatures Seth: well say what you want about Taylor but the girls connected, cheerleaders, water polo players, the band, she turned the alternative? Ryan: alright so it's down to the three of us, the AV club an the comic book geeks Seth: (screws up face) actually Leons still a bit of a hold out? (Marissa comes in) Summer: wait you guys, shut up jus act positive ok (enthusiastically) we are so gonna rock that hearing Seth: hey (smiles) ohh yeah Summer: we really are Marissa: you guys, I don't think I can go (Seth, Summer and Ryan look at Marissa) Ryan: what, why what happened Marissa: look I really appreciate (raises eyebrows, shrugs) everything you guys have done but I jus don't think I can go back to Harbor (Summer and Seth look down. Ryan looks at Marissa. Marissa looks back at them sadly before leaving. Seth frowns. Ryan looks confused. Summer looks disappointed) CUT TO: Cohen backyard, next morning - Ryan comes out of the pool house with his school stuff. Marissa walks up to him Ryan: hey Marissa: hey...so I know I didn't feel like talking about it last night but, I owe you an explanation (Ryan looks at her) it's Johnny Ryan: ah kinda figured that (raises eyebrows) Marissa: don't be mad Ryan: (laughs) I'm not mad (sits) Marissa: its jus, I wanted to come back to Harbor (sits next to Ryan) Ryan: ok, soooo (smiles) so what's wrong now Marissa: well, PacWest has changed their mind, they're not letting him on the tour after all, he's really freaked out Ryan: well you gotta stop making this your problem Marissa: but it is my problem (feels bad) I mean his girlfriend, the accident, getting kicked off the team (shrugs) Ryan: are not your fault! you can't give up your one chance to go back to Harbor jus so (frowns) Johnny has someone to hang with in the hall Marissa: I never asked you to do this Ryan: (looks at Marissa) sooo you're saying we shouldn't have Marissa: (closes eyes) ...no (sighs) n- I don't know (raises eyebrows) I'm sorry Ryan: (looks at Marissa) ...well, we're meeting here before going to the school tonight (Marissa nods) jus so you know (Ryan walks away and Marissa watches him) CUT TO: Newport group - Sandy is sitting on the couch doing some paper work and Matt puts a folder down in front of him. Sandy looks up Matt: my guy came through on your judge, you don't have'ta use it if you don't want to but, its interesting (sits) an not irrelevant to the matter at hand Sandy: tell me the short version Matt: the judge has a son, Nick, an he's got a drug problem (Sandy is listening) he got kicked outta military school for usin, nobody's heard from him since Sandy: oh (shakes head) the case where he an I squared off I was defending a kid like that Matt: well, if the judge wants ta play hardball with Ryan's girlfriend at least...you have some ammniton Sandy: to what, exploit his family's tragedy, embarrass him in front of the community Matt: I jus thought you'd wanna know Sandy: I do (nods) thankyou, it's gonna be tricky an there'll be four very disappointed kids if I make a wrong move (looks down, thinking) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Summer are sitting behind a table at the top of the first set of stairs. they have 2 large signs and one of the flyers on the front. the 2 signs say MARISSA COOPER GRADUATES. the first is white with red writing and the other is light blue with darker blue writing. there are also t-shirts and clipboards sitting on the table. Summer is wearing a "Free Marissa" shirt and holding a button Summer: (calls) free Marissa, help Marissa get back inta Harbor Seth: sign our petition Jock: sign this geek (Summer frowns, Seth screws up his face) Seth: (shakes head) I'm not gonna sign his genitals Summer: ok we are like getting crushed Seth: I jus don't understand why this is happening, I mean even if people don't really like Marissa- Summer: wha- whoa (raises eyebrows) everybody likes Marissa Seth: well even if they didn't they could still sign the petition, what'do they care if she goes here Summer: well that's the point they don't care, this school is apathetic they need someone who can inspire, someone who can intimidate Seth: (squints) they need Taylor Summer: (looks at Seth) yeah, you know maybe its better to be feared than loved (touches Seth's arm) Cohen you have my permission to do whatever it takes Seth: (looks at Summer) an what is it Summer: I'm picturing, like, Indecent Proposal (Seth looks down) your Demi, naturally, an Taylor is a leather faced guy who talks to horses Seth: you want me to trade sex for signatures Summer: jus get her on board, I need Marissa back (raises eyebrows) at this school (Summer hands Seth a petition clipboard) Seth: (screws up face) I feel so dirty (leaves) CUT TO: Johnny's bedroom - Johnny is on his bed holding the broken surfing trophy that Dennis had earlier. the room is dark and depressing. we hear a knock Johnny: I'm not goin to school today mom (we can now see that Ryan is standing in the doorway) Ryan: mom jus left for work (Johnny looks over) she let me in on her way out (Johnny looks away) (folds arms) Marissa told me about the tour...I'm sorry man Johnny: she send you ta...check up on me Ryan: doesn't know I'm here, she's the reason I came Johnny: (looks at Ryan) is she ok Ryan: (sighs) depends on how you look at it, she's (Johnny sits up) she's decided to stay at Newport Union (smiles) Johnny: ...you private school kids find it hard to believe Ryan: (annoyed) first of all I don't need you lecturing me about public school (Johnny looks at him then away) second of all she's not staying for the quality of the education she's staying for you Johnny: well I didn't ask her to do anything Ryan: you didn't have to Johnny: (looks at Ryan then down) no matter what anyone says...its still gonna be her choice Ryan: jus wanna make sure she feels free to make it (Ryan leaves and slams the door behind him. Johnny looks over at the closed door. in the background we hear the door open and close as Ryan leaves the house. Johnny throws his trophy thing down, frustrated) CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy is in his office and Kirsten comes to the doorway. Sandy has his back to the door and looks as though he's deep in thought Kirsten: Sandy (Sandy turns around and Kirsten smiles) Sandy: hey Kirsten: ah, you have lunch yet (walks in) I was signing a new client at the deli and I picked you up a turkey pastrami on rye Sandy: with mustard (hopeful) Kirsten: (winks) spicy dijon Sandy: my hero (kisses Kirsten) (Sandy sits down on the couch looking a little preoccupied while Kirsten pulls out the food) Kirsten: (notices) bad day Sandy: ...I've been faced with an ethical dilemma Kirsten: well if I do say so my ethics are excellent (smiles, sits next to Sandy) try me Sandy: Judge Mercer Kirsten: ahh the one who hates you an tried to get you disbarred Sandy: the very one, turns out he's the father of a junkie (looks at Kirsten, Kirsten nods, listening) his kid got kicked outta school...an he fell right off the map Kirsten: and you think you can use this information to shame him into helping Marissa Sandy: the thought has crossed my mind (looks at Kirsten) Kirsten: well...what would you do...if you were still a public defender an Marissa was your client (Sandy looks as though he's thinking again) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth is walking in the halls by himself. he goes over to Taylor who is at her locker Seth: Taylor (Taylor looks) hey we need'ta talk Taylor: well I would love to talk to you, about anything but Marissa Cooper (raises eyebrows) Seth: I have been sanctioned to offer you sexual favours, I swear Summer said it was ok Taylor: (mouth open) wow (laughs) anything else you would be facing a long night, involving candle wax tube socks an the new Fiona Apple CD (Seth screws up his face) but Marissa, I can't Seth: ok well lucky for both of us I've optioned to forgo man whoring (raises eyebrows) an make an appeal to your heart (points) because I know that you have one Taylor: (closes eyes) Seth, don't (sighs) Seth: now I am your friend, so is Summer an so is Ryan an if Marissa came back you'd have her too Taylor: (shakes head) ok, you don't get it, my moms a sports agent Seth: (suprised) your moms a sports agent, I thought she was just a bored bitter Newpsie Taylor: she's a bored bitter ball buster (nods) Seth: oh Taylor: three hundred pound football players go to her when they need something done (Seth looks at her) (sadly) she thrat to take away my car Seth: we'll give you a ride ta school Taylor: not to pay for college (raises eyebrows) Seth: you can get a scholarship Taylor: (closes eyes, shakes head) I'm sorry Seth: fine, but as your friend I'm gonna beg you to do one thing (points) do not grow up to be like your mom (hands Taylor petition) cause your too good for that (Seth leaves and Taylor looks down at the signatures, we can see that only the first 13 lines have signatures. then she looks up sadly) CUT TO: Julie's trailer - Julie is in the bedroom in a robe. she picks up an outfit off the bed and holds it up to herself while looking in the mirror. she throws the jacket back on the bed and looks at the dress. we hear a knock at the door Julie: (frustrated, calls) I don't want any pigeon pie Gus (walking to the door) I think it's terrible what you do to those little birds (before Julie can open the door Neil pokes his head in. Julie is stunned) Julie: Neil, wow, uh, this is a suprise (quickly tidies up some food on the coffee table) Neil: well I figured I owed you one (looks) wow, so this is what one'a these looks like on the inside huh (walks in) mm (points) pork rinds Julie: uh (looks down) yeah well when in Rome (smiles) Neil: oh I thought you'd be dressed an ready to go to the hearing I was hoping you might need a ride Julie: oh, uh thankyou um (puts food down) but uh truthfully I don't think I'm gonna go (Neil looks at her) I think Marissa just might be better off without me (nods) Neil: well that's nonsense, every girl needs her mom (Julie looks at him) an I'm gonna be in your corner, I give alotta money to that school Julie: (thinks, smiles) give me five minutes (Julie heads back into the bedroom) Neil: um ill jus (picks up pork rinds) take these an ill be outside trading stock tips with your friend Gus huh (eats pork rind) (Neil opens the door with a pork rind sticking out of his mouth. Julie smiles and goes in the bedroom to get ready) CUT TO: Cohen backyard - Summer is sitting on a seat by herself. Seth comes over from near the house and Ryan comes out of the pool house Seth: (sighs) no word back from Taylor Ryan: we gotta leave in an hour an no sign of Marissa Summer: wait, so what're you guys saying Seth: (sits next to Summer) that this was a valiant campaign Ryan: yeah, really valiant (sits next to Summer) Seth: one any General would be proud of Summer: (looks from Ryan to Seth) surrender much, I bet Napoleon never talked like this Ryan: well maybe he should have, right before he was defeated an exiled Seth: Summer, my little empress (takes Summers hand) this is our Waterloo, we need'ta retreat an minimise collateral damage Summer: (not ready to give up) well, cant we jus wait a couple minutes before we raise the white flag (looks from Seth to Ryan) she's always late, I mean maybe she got lost...or something (sighs) (Ryan frowns. Seth looks at Summer and then he and Ryan both look off in opposite directions) CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa is sitting on the bench reading a book. behind her Dennis slides down the stair rail and runs off, he comes back when he notices Marissa Dennis: Marissa (Marissa looks) hey aren't you spose'ta be at that Harbor thing Marissa: no (shakes head) but hey have you seen Johnny, cause I've been looking for him all day Dennis: (smiles) I know its crazy right, I actually gotta go right now (points) otherwise ill be late for the PacWest thing Marissa: (confused) w-wait what PacWest thing Dennis: you haven't talked to Johnny at all (Marissa motions no) (walks back) well it turns out that that (sits) fancy surgeon that you hooked him up with went to med school with the PacWest doctor, he put in a call an convinced the guy that Johnny would make a full recovery an he's back on the team (smiles) Marissa: (suprised) I can't believe he didn't tell me Dennis: well its been insane, they want him to leave next month, I guess they hired him some tutor that's spose'ta help you with the GED, I've already ht up my dad for frequent flyer miles so I can tag along Marissa: (suprised) wait you're going too (raises eyebrows) Dennis: hell yeah, its the chance of a life time (stands) so anyways its kinda funny how it all worked out huh (Marissa looks at him) I mean Johnny an I hittin the road, you goin back to your old school Marissa: (thinks) yeah, hey I gotta go but if you see Johnny will you congratulate him for me Dennis: I will (Marissa smiles and leaves. we see a close up of Dennis watching her. a door in the background opens and Johnny comes out. Johnny nods to Dennis and Dennis nods back as if to say "I did it". Johnny looks almost sad) CUT TO: Cohen backyard - it's now dark and Ryan, Summer and Seth are still sitting where they were before Seth: Summer, we can't wait any longer Marissa's not coming (Summer looks from Seth to Ryan, disappointed) Summer: ok, fine Ryan: alright, ill tell Sandy (Marissa comes over) Marissa: Sandy's waiting in the car (Ryan, Summer & Seth look over) I told him we'd be right out, you guys ready (smiles) Ryan: yeah (Ryan, Summer and Seth stand. Summer looks happy again) CUT TO: Harbor school - we are inside the room of the board meeting. a few people are already in there. we see Julie and Neil walk in together amd on the other side of the room Marissa, Ryan, Sandy and Kirsten come in Marissa: (to Sandy) thanks so much for doing this Ryan: yeah really it means alot Sandy: oh ornery judge, cptive audience, righteousness on my side I feel right at home Kirsten: ooooh, this is what you do, you'll be great (smiles) (Jim Mercer comes in near Sandy and Kirsten) Sandy: judge Mercer (holds out hand) Sandy Cohen Jim: (looks at Sandy's hand) I know who you are, be a cold day in hell Cohen, I'm looking forward to this (Sandy smiles and Jim heads to the front) Kirsten: oh yeah, you gotta bury him (Seth and Summer come in. at the same time Matt comes in at the opposite end of the room and goes over to Sandy and Kirsten) Matt: Sandy (Sandy & Kirsten look over) hi Kirsten, sorry to bother you both but uh Sandy: we're about to start here Matt: yeah I know (holds up folder) I think you wanna hear this Sandy: alright (to Kirsten) be right back Kirsten: ok (the next thing we see is Sandy and Matt out in the hall. behind them Veronica and Taylor are near the doorway about to go in) Taylor: mom please if you wanna do this it's your decision but don't make me face my friends while you do it Veronica: Taylor you are either with me or against me (Taylor closes her eyes) now which is it Taylor: (goes to speak) ...I have'ta go to the little girls room (Taylor walks off. Veronica sees Dr Kim arrive and goes over to her) Veronica: Dr Kim may I have a word with you Dr Kim: (unenthusiastically) yes, of course you can (we are now back with Matt and Sandy) Matt: I had my guy keep digging (holds out papers) Sandy: oh I've been thinkin about this, I don't know (reads) (Matt raises his eyebrows at Sandy. Sandy looks at Matt) Sandy: tell me everything (we are now back in the room of the board meeting. Seth and Summer have their ears up against a phone) Seth: hey, Taylor, it's Seth Summer: and Summer (we now see Taylor on her phone) Taylor: hi Seth an Summer Seth: so we were kinda hopin we might see ya here at the meeting Taylor: yeah uh...no, sorry guys (Summer & Seth listen) I know you must be really mad at me Seth: no it's ok, its your mom we get it, well listen thanks for tryin we'll just uh...we'll let you know how everything goes Taylor: thanks...that's really nice (we hear the sound of Seth & Summer hanging up. Taylor looks as though she feels bad - back in the meeting) Summer: look (to Seth) speak of the devil literally (Seth, Summer, Marissa and Ryan look over and we see Veronica come in. she goes straight over to Neil who is standing talking with Julie) Veronica: Neil (touches Neil's arm) always a pleasure Neil: Veronica (Veronica and Neil touch cheeks and make a kissing sound) Neil: you know Julie Cooper-Nichol Julie: hi Veronica: of course, Marissa's a real (looks at Neil, pointedly) chip off the old block isn't she (Ryan and Marissa look at each other) Neil: I couldn't agree with you more (Julie looks at him) brains, beauty an a flare for fashion (Julie smiles) Veronica: (not impressed) excuse me (Veronica walks between Neil and Julie. Julie smiles at Neil. Neil motions "after you" to Julie and then puts his hand on the small of her back as they head to their seats. Marissa looks worried) Marissa: maybe this was a bad idea (Ryan looks at her) (Veronica, Jim and 2 other men are seated at the long table at the front of the room) Jim: good evening, thankyou all for coming, I see its a full house tonight an I think we all know what or should I say who (Marissa looks at Summer & Seth, Summer looks at her) brought in the crowd, so why don't we just start with the matter of uh Marissa Cooper (looks at Veronica) uh Miss Townsend, you are speaking on behalf of the parents association, would you care to open (Ryan and Marissa watch) Seth: (to Kirsten) where's dad Kirsten: he'll be right back (Veronica is now at the podium) Veronica: thankyou judge Mercer, as I'm sure you all know Marissa Cooper sht (Marissa looks down) a boy in the back, as head of the parents association, an a concerned parent myself (Julie blinks, Kirsten listens) I can tell you this is not what the parents want (Taylor qiuetly sneaks in at the back of the room holding the petition and wearing a "Free Marissa" shirt. aww) Veronica: an this is not what the Harbor students want either Taylor: yes it is! (everybody turns to look at Taylor. Summer looks at Seth and then Veronica) Veronica: (unimpressed) sit - down young lady, children are not permitted to address the board Summer: (stands) um but (points) there allowed to address each other, right (Veronica looks at Jim. Jim nods) Summer: Taylor why don't you show us what you've got Taylor: (nods) it's a petition, with over three hundred signatures (Ryan & Marissa look at her) basically the entire student body (Veronica is stunned. Taylor gives the petition to Jim at the front of the room. Ryan and Marissa look suprised. Jim and the other men look over the petition. Summer moves over so Taylor can sit between herself and Seth. aww. Taylor has a huge smile on her face) Jim: well this is all well an good, but Miss Townsend is correct students do not make the decisions in these matters Julie: (stands) well I am not a student an I would like to tell everyone here that Marissa (Marissa looks down) has shown such dignity an maturity throughout this entire nightmare Veronica: of course you think so, you're her mother (Julie glares at her) Neil: your absolutely right Veronica (stands) so ill speak on behalf of Miss Cooper Seth: (claps) go - Dr - Roberts (Neil & Taylor look at him) you rock you (points) sorry (looks down) sir (motions for Neil to continue) Neil: Marissa Cooper has been living (a frustrated Veronica sits down) in my home for the past few months, so I can say without hesitation (puts hand on Marissa's shoulder) that this young lady would make any father proud (Marissa looks down) an this school would be lucky to have her (Summer smiles proudly) Jim: well that's a nice sentiment Dr Roberts (Neil sits) an this student petition is (Julie smiles at Neil) certainly meaningful but I don't think I can advise the board to break precedent here, this school has never readmitted a student (Ryan looks at Dr Kim, Dr Kim raises her eyebrows) who has been expelled for reasons relating ta volence Ryan: uh that's (Marissa & Summer look at him) not exactly true (Jim looks at him) uh there is precedent	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x11 - The Safe Harbor"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Cohen kitchen, morning - the first thing we see is Seth looking at his chin in the reflection of some sort of door. I can't tell what it's to, but it's around the corner from the fridge. Ryan is also in the kitchen Ryan: (looks at Seth) why d'you keep touching your face Seth: (frowns) last night before I went to bed I had the sensation of a pimple about to surface, this morning...skins as clear as a smogless sky Ryan: (at the fridge) an that's a problem because Seth: (sighs) Ryan don't ya see (holds up hands) Ryan: (shuts fridge) not so much Seth: things are goin way too well around here Ryan: (looks at Seth) ...what Seth: Marissa got back inta Harbor, you guys seem to of resolved your surftastic love triangle, my girlfriend got a near perfect score on her SAT's but we've never been happier Ryan: Seth its senior year its (raises eyebrows) suppose'ta be best year ever Seth: no you should know better, every time things are goin too well around here, is when doom comes'a knockin Ryan: (looks at Seth, raises eyebrows) doom Seth: a knockin Ryan: mm (we hear the doorbell) Seth: (points) or a ringin (Ryan looks towards the door and frowns) Seth: right on time, don't answer it it's probably a flaming bag of crap Ryan: (walks away) or FedEx (Seth makes an "eek" face. Ryan goes to answer the door) Ryan: (opens door) yeah (a young girl is standing with her back to the door. she also has a small suitcase next to her. she turns around and looks at Ryan) Kaitlin: (frowns) so I show up at my house to suprise my mom...an this Persian dude answers the door Ryan: (mouth agape) uhh I'm-I'm sorry Kaitlin: I figured he was the new butler...but then I saw his shoes (raises eyebrows) Prada (Ryan looks at her, confused) I thought, maybe he was my new step-dad...an I was about'a like hug him (squints) an then his wife shows up, no matter how rich the guy is my mother would never join a harem Ryan: uh I don't- Kaitlin: so I was like Persian dude, what're you doing at my house, an where is my mother an he was all like who is your mother (Ryan nods, frowns) so I told him, an he tells me that my mother moved an that all the mail is being forwarded here Ryan: (still not realising) uhh I think that you may have- Kaitlin: are you gonna invite me in or what (Ryan looks down, frustrated) gees Ryan (Ryan suddenly looks at her) I see Newport hasn't improved your manners at all Ryan: (finally realises) oh my god (Seth is now standing behind Ryan) Seth: (frowns) oh my god Kaitlin Cooper Kaitlin: weird neighour kid (grins sarcastically) hi Seth: you have uh you've grown- Kaitlin: (matter of factly, nods) boobs Seth: (shakes head, softly) no I (Ryan looks at Seth, Seth mouths "yes" to him and nods almost immaturely lol. Kaitlin looks at them both and walks in with her stuff. Ryan closes the door) Seth: (to Ryan) oh, it's a knockin (I just have to describe what Kaitlin is wearing at this moment. for starters she definitely does not look her age (14ish) she has her school uniform on but its sexier than it should be. its kind of like something you'd see on TV or a movie where the girl changes out of the conservative clothing she left the house in, when she gets to school, into the my-parents-can-never-see-me-in-this outfit. she has on a sexy white midriff top that is tied at the bottom to show her belly button and unbuttoned at the top to show cleavage. she has her hair down/out, jacket unbuttoned and her skirt is pretty short. though she is wearing pants or stockings with it so that's not so bad. you'll see in a second why I'm describing her current look) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Cohen kitchen - Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Ryan are now in there together. Seth is sitting down at the far end of the counter and Ryan is standing at the opposite end. Kirsten is making coffee and Sandy is standing at the side of the counter midway between Seth and Ryan Sandy: (frowns) Kaitlin Cooper, must be two years since she's been back Kirsten: did she mention why she's home in the middle of a semester Ryan: we never really got passed where home was Sandy: oh, Julie wants us to wait till she gets here before we tell Kaitlin- Seth: that her family's a prime candidate for pimp my double wide (Summer comes in) Summer: hey, guys, good morning (to Seth) you ready to go, it's the third day of the Pride an Prejudice mini series in English class (sits on Seth's lap, puts arm around his neck) Seth: Summer the show you are about ta see has all the makings of a classing Jane Austen novel, you've got sisters, lies an bosoms (Summer frowns, not following) Ryan: Kaitlin's back (we hear the sound of a door opening) Summer: (suprised) mini Cooper Seth: (looks at Summer) mini Coop not so mini (Summer looks at him) (Julies comes in followed by Marissa) Julie: Kaitlin, where's my baby Kirsten: she's getting herself together Sandy: the kids a little confused Julie: yeah, I don't know what I'm gonna tell her, I mean I jus wanted to protect her from everything that's gone on around here, sh*t, funerals, public school Marissa: well just explain it to her, she'll understand (Ryan looks at her) Julie: honey, you might've understood your your fathers daughter, Kaitlin's me, she's not gonna want our life Sandy: she came home Kirsten: (nods) an that means she wants her family more than anything Kaitlin: (off screen) mom (everyone looks towards the kitchen arch. Kaitlin is standing there and she has had quite the transformation, this is what I was talking about before. the sexy is gone and she looks more her age now. she has put her hair in 2 plaits, very school girl esque. the white top is now buttoned up as is the jacket. no belly button or cleavage showing now, lol. Julie moves closer to Kaitlin, Kaitlin does the same and they hug. Kaitlin has a huge smile on her face. Seth and Summer watch, Seth frowns and looks at Ryan, Ryan frowns back, lol) Marissa: hi Kaitlin: hi (Marissa and Kaitlin hug) Julie: sweetie what're you doing here Kaitlin: d'you even look at my calendar, its mid winter break Julie: I knew that, its just I figured (mumbles) isn't it fashion week (Kaitlin frowns) I-I thought you'd be in Paris with Alexandra like last year, front row at Chanel (smiles) I saw the photo on wire image Kaitlin: I thought that you'd be happy to see me Julie: well I am, of course Marissa: hey we're so happy to see you Kaitlin: (looks from Marissa to Julie) so that guy at Caleb's said you moved (Julie looks at her wide eyed) Summer: ...I think we're gonna be late for school guys (Summer, Ryan, and Seth start to leave) Kirsten: (to Sandy) Sandy can I talk to you about the launch party Sandy: oh I love discussin a party (Kirsten and Sandy leave. Kaitlin smiles at them, oblivious to the reality check she is about to get) Marissa: (points) I'm actually gonna be late for school too (Kaitlin nods) but lets do something (hugs Kaitlin) later an catch up ok Kaitlin: ok Marissa: bye Kaitlin: bye (Marissa leaves, Julie looks at her and then looks back at Kaitlin) Kaitlin: (lost) ok so what's going on Julie: ok, d'you remember that email I sent you about Caleb (Kaitlin blinks) there were some financial complications afterwards CUT TO: The trailer park - Julie and Kaitlin are sitting in the car near Julie's trailer Kaitlin: oh my god (looks at Julie) we live in a trailer Julie: well...yes (gets out of the car) but not live live um we're more like refugees (Kaitlin gets out) we're only half'a mile from the beach and well (looks at trailer then Kaitlin) its Tiffany blue (smiles) (Kaitlin looks at her) oh honey this is so temporary, once Kirsten's an my business is up an running everything's gonna be jus like it was Kaitlin: (looking at the trailer dazed) mm Julie: so let's go inside (inside the trailer Julie shows Kaitlin how the pull out bed works) Julie: an then you pull it open like this...and, whala (puts hand up, sits) it's a bed Kaitlin: ...well...that's...versatile (smiles) Julie: oh honey (stands) I'm sorry I know this isn't what your use'to but think of it as a life experience and this is exactly the kind of place Britney Spears is from Kaitlin: mom its ok, really (shrugs) I mean it's like a slumber party, the three of us...here (smiles) Julie: oh (picks up stuffed puppy) you still have this puppy Marissa gave you (Kaitlin smiles and takes it) although you didn't really care for him until you found out he was a purse an you could put your pretend credit cards in his belly Kaitlin: yeah it was that summer in Taho...(raises eyebrows) the whole family together (Julie smiles) I guess it's sentimental (Julie smiles at Kaitlin, Kaitlin smiles back) Julie: (gasps) I know lets get our nails done, I wanna hear everything you've been up to in Montecito, although I'm spose'ta be helping Kirsten with our launch but she'll understand (Julie goes to ring Kirsten just as Kaitlin's cell phone makes a noise) Julie: you got a message (Kaitlin looks at her cell) somebody from school (gasps) a boy mm (smiles) (Kaitlin grins) (sadly) oooh, my little girls growing up, I'm gonna call Kirsten (Kaitlin pushes a button and puts her cell phone to her ear Msg: Guy: hey, its me, I can't believe you just took off like that (Kaitlin frowns) don't think that just because you left town I'm gonna- Kaitlin shuts the cell phone. she looks almost worried. she sits down on the couch dazed) CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Marissa are in the student lounge together walking and holding coffee Marissa: its jus the Kaitlin I know is obsessed with her hairless pony...I feel like I've missed this whole part of her life (sits on couch) Ryan: (sits) puberty Marissa: an it's all my fault Ryan: naaah, what're you talkin about Marissa: well, I mean its not like I ever tried to keep in touch (thinks) in fact we were never really close, it was always her an my mom versus me an my dad Ryan: well she's home now, you can fix that (Seth and Summer come over) Seth: are you talkin about Kaitlin's transformation from horsey tweener to lanky limbed jailbait (Marissa looks at him) (Seth and Summer are now sitting on the couch opposite Ryan and Marissa) Summer: Cohen, one more pervy word about Coops not so mini Coop an I may have'ta staple your tongue ta your collar (an over enthusiastic Taylor comes over) Taylor: (claps) yay there you are! Marissa: hey Taylor Taylor: (hugs Marissa) hi Marissa: oh, thanks so much for everything at that meeting last week (Marissa moves her bag from between herself and Ryan and Taylor sits down between them) Taylor: oh, of course, you were lonely at that school, you had no friends, no one to talk to (Marissa looks at her) kind of like Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes (Ryan looks at her) Summer: I think that was Mark Wahlberg Marissa: uh actually, I had a couple (shrugs) good friends Taylor: but not like our group here (sits back) right (Seth and Summer look at Taylor) Marissa: I should get to class (stands) Ryan: uh me too (Marissa and Ryan leave. Taylor gets up from the now empty couch) Taylor: the poor thing (sits on coffee table) it must be really hard for her, readjusting (raises eyebrows) kinda like coming back from Nam Summer: huh Taylor: thankfully she has us (Taylor puts a hand on Seth and Summers knees. Seth sighs, Summer looks at him - in the hall Marissa and Ryan are now walking) Ryan: hey (Marissa looks) you alright Taylor can be a little Taylor Marissa: (smiles) no she jus made me realise I haven't talked to Johnny since I got here, I mean I've left him messages (remembers) the tour starts soon I hope he hasn't left yet Ryan: nah I don't think he'd do that, why don't you try uh (thinks) what's his name, bizarro Seth Marissa: (smiles) Chili, I could, thanks Ryan: yeah not a problem, alright (pats Marissas arm) see you at lunch (Marissa nods) CUT TO: Newport Union - Johnny and Dennis are walking down the stairs together Dennis: dude will you please just call her back, this whole sacrificing your happiness for hers thing clearly is not working Johnny: look no it wasn't a sacrifice alright I...jus thought my life would be...simpler without her (Johnny and Dennis are now off the stairs) Dennis: yeah it's real simpler your miserable dude will you please jus take my phone an call her (Dennis holds out his phone and it rings. he looks at who is calling) Dennis: it's like I summoned her (answers) Marissa (we see Marissa near her locker, on her phone) Marissa: hey Chili have you seen Johnny Dennis: as a matter of fact Harper is right next to me (Dennis holds out the phone to a reluctant Johnny, after a few seconds he takes it) Johnny: hey Marissa Marissa: hey, I called you a few times, did you get my messages Johnny: yeah sorry um...I've jus ben really busy Marissa: course, packin an stuff Johnny: yeah, packing (Dennis raises his eyebrows) Marissa: ok well my sisters in town id love for you to meet her before you leave Johnny: oh yeah I don't know um maybe if I have time Marissa: come on, your not really gonna leave without saying goodbye (Johnny doesn't say anything) the diner, four thirty ppleasee Johnny: ill see you there (Johnny hangs up, not looking thrilled with the idea) CUT TO: Cohen's front door - we hear the door bell and then see Kirsten open it. Veronica Townsend is standing there Kirsten: (suprised) Veronica, what're you doing here Veronica: hello Kirsten (walks in) I hear you an Julie are starting a new dating service, I want you ta set me up...with the delicious Dr. Neil Roberts Kirsten: (confused) the father of Marissa's best friend...the girl you called little miss Columbine at last weeks board meeting (Veronica looks down) d'you really think he'd go out with you Veronica: of course not, if however I could talk to him...say over a candle lit dinner (Kirsten looks at her) I'm sure I could convince him that I was just a...concerned parent looking out for her daughter...an that's where you come in Kirsten: an why would I help you (squints) Veronica: Marissa's back at Harbor but her involvement in after school activities, senior day, prom, graduation is yet to be determined...and I carry alotta weight with the parents association, you might say I am the parents association Kirsten: your gonna hold a seventeen year old girl hostage for a date (raises eyebrows) Veronica: a good man is hard to find Kirsten (Kirsten looks at her appalled) I'm free tomorrow if you're wondering (Veronica leaves, Kirsten closes the door stunned) CUT TO: Newport group - Sandy is in his office on the phone to somebody Sandy: oh you'll have the contracts by Friday, yeah, oh its great Sid, ill talk to ya then (hangs up) (Kirsten walks in) Sandy: well, this is a wonderful suprise Kirsten: I wish it was (kisses Sandy) Sandy I have a problem (sits on the couch) (Sandy leans on his desk) Veronica Townsend came by to see me this morning, she wants me to set her up with Neil Roberts Sandy: good luck Kirsten: an she thrat to make Marissa's life a living hell at Harbor if I don't, an she can do it (nods) Sandy: we can't give inta thrat like that, we don't negotiate (folds arms) with the Newpsies Kirsten: I know, but Marissa's ben through alot, an all Neil has'ta do is take her out for dinner tomorrow night Sandy: well so what'do you want me ta do about it, you're the one with the dating service Kirsten: Neil isn't a client Sandy: (shakes head) an I'm not an employee Kirsten: no but you are Sandy Cohen professional persuader, you guys play golf together an your...guys (Sandy looks reluctant) an I'm calling in a wifely favour, jus call (Sandy frowns, clearly not wanting to do it) CUT TO: The pier - Marissa and Kaitlin are walking towards the diner together carrying shopping bags Marissa: shopping was such a good idea Kaitlin: even if it was at a thrift store Marissa: hey vintage is very "in" right now Kaitlin: (laughs) so who are we meeting again Marissa: oh my friend Johnny from Newport Union...I guess he's going away on this surfing trip an...I jus don't wanna lose touch you know Kaitlin: (pointed) do I know about losing touch mm (grins at Marissa) Marissa: Kaitlin...mom in her own deranged way was jus tryin'a protect you (looks at Kaitlin) and I...was (frowns) I don't know but it won't happen again Kaitlin: yeah I know its jus...I'm not a little kid anymore you know (looks at Marissa) Marissa: I know...there they are (points) (we see Johnny and Dennis walking towards Marissa and Kaitlin) Kaitlin: (off screen) which ones Johnny (looks at Marissa) perfect bone structure or carrot top Marissa: yeah your definitely not a kid huh, hey guys Johnny: hey Marissa: so, Kaitlin this is Chili an Johnny Johnny: it's nice to meet you (shakes Kaitlin's hand) Dennis: hi Johnny: hey Marissa Marissa: hey, thanks for coming (Johnny smiles, he and Marissa share an awkward moment which Kaitlin picks up on - they are now inside the diner. Dennis and Johnny sit on one side of the booth and Marissa and Kaitlin opposite them) Marissa: so uh when do you leave same time: Dennis: April Johnny: next week (Marissa looks from Johnny to Dennis, Kaitlin does the same. Johnny looks down) Dennis: right he leaves uh next week for training, tour starts in April (Marissa looks at him) Johnny: umm dude did I lock my car (Marissa & Kaitlin look at him) I think I forgot to lock- (stands) (Marissa looks from Johnny to Dennis) Dennis: been alotta thefts in the area lately he's got bunch'a cassette tapes...in there Kaitlin: can you excuse me, um much coffee (smiles) small bladder (Dennis nods. Marissa watches Kaitlin leave then looks back at Dennis) Marissa: w-what's going on Dennis: Marissa do I have'ta spell it out for you (Marissa shrugs) ok, guess I do, look, he knew that you weren't gonna go back to Harbor while he was still there so Marisa: (realises) he told me that he was leaving...oh my god (outside the diner Kaitlin catches up to Johnny) Kaitlin: (calls) Johnny Johnny: (looks) hey Kaitlin: so how long have you been in love with my sister Johnny: (scoffs) ...we're jus friends Kaitlin: good, cause I'm sure as you know, she's not available (Johnny nods) unlike...say...me (smiles) (Johnny laughs and Kaitlin looks at him with an almost smug smile) CUT TO: Cohen house - we hear the doorbell sound and then we see Ryan heading to answer it Ryan: (calls) yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah (Ryan opens the door. a guy is standing there who appears to be the around the same age as Ryan) Justin: hi uh this the Cohen house Ryan: it is, can I help you Justin: I'm lookin for someone, I guess I had the wrong address uh a Persian guy said I could find her here Kaitlin Cooper Ryan: (looks at Justin) are you a friend of hers Justin: I really need'a get ahold of her, is she here or not Ryan: ...look man I haven't seen Kaitlin since she was eleven an rode a pony Justin: ...alright, well, if she shows up call me (writes down number) (Ryan watches him) it's important (Ryan takes the number and Justin leaves. Ryan looks worried) CUT TO: The trailer park - Kaitlin is on the verandah painting her toe nails. Ryan pulls up in the range rover, we can now see that Kaitlin also has music in her ears. she looks over and sees Ryan walking up Kaitlin: hey Ryan, what's up Ryan: your sister around Kaitlin: no she went out...can I help you Ryan: ...maybe (sits) there was this guy (sighs) showed up at the house last night, lookin for you Kaitlin: (looks at Ryan) ...Justin Ryan: (nods) you know him Kaitlin: he's from Montecito an he goes to Kate (Ryan listens) I met him at a mixer Ryan: is he your uh boyfriend Kaitlin: I barely even spoke to the guy (Ryan sits back) then he kept on calling me coming by my school...I finally told my dorm mother an it got him (raises eyebrows) in trouble...an now he's like your messing up my chances in Princeton (Ryan looks at her) I cant believe that he showed up here...I mean id already changed my cell phone Ryan: (sighs) alright ill take care of it Kaitlin: an you won't tell Marissa (Ryan doesn't look thrilled with the idea) I mean we're just starting to get'ta know each other again an I don't want her to think that I'm some stalker magnet, an I don't want her to worry (Ryan looks at her, unsure) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Marissa knocks on the door and Johnny opens it Marissa: (smiles) hi Johnny: ...hey Marissa: so Chili- Johnny: told you Marissa: yeah Johnny: yeah he was never one ta keep a secret Marissa: well what you did was pretty amazing (Johnny looks at her) I jus wanted to thank you Johnny: yeah I'm a...real martyr (avoids eye contact) Marissa: ...uh so (raises eyebrows) what're you gonna do now...(shrugs) since your not going on tour Johnny: I hadn't really thought about it Marissa: well I mean you could (shrugs) always apply to college for next January or Johnny: no I don't think so Marissa: I could help you (shrugs) Johnny: listen Marissa (looks at Marissa) it's not your problem anymore (Marissa looks at him) you know your back where you belong an...well you know my life... maybe it's not ta tour the world to surf but (shrugs) I don't need you saving me Marissa: look its jus you did this incredible thing for me an I- Johnny: is that what you think (Marissa looks at him) I needed you to leave Marissa: (raises eyebrows) so I'm back at Harbor but...what're you saying that you (shrugs) don't ever wanna see me again Johnny: yeah, I guess that's what I'm saying (Marissa looks at him, shocked) look right now I jus need you outta my life (Marissa looks at Johnny, Johnny looks at her. Marissa is almost on the verge of teary) Marissa: (nods, hurt, softly) ok (Marissa leaves, Johnny closes the door behind her) CUT TO: Cohen house - Sandy picks up the phone in the kitchen and dials a number. we hear the ringing tone Neil: hello Sandy: Neil, hey, it's Sandy I I hope I'm not interrupting (we see Neil on the phone at his house) Neil: no-no-no not at all Sandy, how can I help you Sandy: well...there's a bit of a situation (raises eyebrows) with Marissa Neil: anything I can do, Marissa an her mom mean alot to me Sandy: well this is awkward (leans on counter) you know Veronica Townsend Neil: do I know Veronica Townsend Sandy, I know every former A cup in this town Sandy: well what would you think about havin dinner with her tonight (unsure) Neil: ...you mean a date Sandy: look I know she is a bitch on wheels but she wants to go out with you and she's willing to make Marissa's life at Harbor very difficult if it doesn't go through Neil: oh come on Sandy that's preposterous Sandy: I wouldn't be askin ya if I didn't think she'd follow through on this (Neil listens) look its one dinner, crowded restaurant, meet there, Kirsten an I'll pick up the tab Neil: how horrible can it be Sandy: trust me it'll be horrible, I owe you, thanks Neil: (hangs up) huh CUT TO: The Bait Shop - Ryan is standing at the bar drinking what looks like bottled water. Justin comes in and walks over to Ryan Ryan: good your here Justin: (looks around) where's Kaitlin, she came with you right Ryan: nah I didn't think that was a very good idea, look best thing for you to do (looks at Justin) is get in your car, go back where you came from, put this behind you Justin: I'm not going anywhere without the fifteen hundred bucks she stole from my brother Ryan: (laughs) she says she barely knows you Justin: we've been goin out for like a month (Ryan looks at him) an I wanted her to meet my brother Sam, he's a Gamma Tau at UCSB they were having a party so I brought her along (laughs) an then she uh ditched me ran off with the dorm money an left town (Ryan looks at him in disbelief) look three guys saw her stuff it in a gym bag an take off Ryan: so I'm spose'ta take the word of three drunk frat brothers over a fourteen year old girl Justin: (suprised) fourteen, she told me she was sixteen (Ryan looks at Justin, Justin looks at him) Ryan: like I said put this behind you Justin: I've been tryin'a help her...alright it's not my money an now its outta my hands (Justin leaves. Ryan looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: Roberts' house - Summer and Seth are on the couch together. Seth is on the long bit lying down, reading. Summer is sitting next to him studying Summer: I had three messages from Taylor this morning Seth: (looks at Summer) I told you she has abused puppy syndrome (frowns) if you show her the tiniest bit of affection she's gonna follow you around for the rest'a your life Summer: I know but she's kind of our responsibility now Taylor: (off screen, screams) aaaahhh oh my god, huge news! Summer: (startled) oh my god (Seth sits up a tad) (Taylor is now in front of Summer with a huge smile, clapping happily) Summer: um who you let in Taylor: I speak fluent housekeeper, guess what...my moms getting set up with your dad (Summers mouth is agape) (squeals) aaaahhh (claps happily) Seth: oh my god Taylor: (laughs) I know, if they get married (grins) we could be sisters! (Summer and Seth are both stunned. Taylor is borderline delirious, lol) Taylor: ok so I'm gonna go take a quick spin around (points) an see which room I might want (stands) ok, ill be right back Summer: (dazed) ok Taylor: (runs, squeals happily) eeeeeeeee (goes up stairs) Summer: (to Seth) she is so going back to the pound CUT TO: NB Yacht club - Veronica and Neil are sitting at a table together Veronica: no-no-no-no the football players are the real pussycats, it's the female tennis players that will kll you in your sleep (Neil listens) you know in Russia rumour has it that Sharapova's rep is former KGB Neil: I had no idea being a sports agent was so dangerous (Veronica laughs shyly, Neil smiles at her - Julie and Kaitlin walk in) Kaitlin: (looks around) mom this place is way too expensive Julie: oh but honey it's your homecoming it's a special occasion- (Julie stops suddenly and we see why. she sees Veronica and Neil together. they clink glasses. Kaitlin looks at a stunned Julie) Kaitlin: mom Julie: ...you know where we should go Kaitlin: here you jus said so- Julie: the Crab Cooker we haven't ben there in years it'll be so fun (pulls Kaitlin towards the door) Kaitlin: (confused) wha...ok (Julie takes a last look at Neil and Veronica before they leave, she looks hurt) CUT TO: The trailer park - Marissa is inside the trailer lifting up clothes trying to find something. Ryan comes in Ryan: hey Marissa: hey, oh I'm almost ready Ryan: take your time, movie doesn't start for a while Marissa: (still looking) ok Ryan: you alright Marissa: I'm tryin'a find my stupid jacket (goes to the bedroom) Ryan: ill help you Marissa: its brown, with things on it (turns on light) Ryan: an stupid (looks at Marissa) Marissa: (sighs) I got in a fight with Johnny, he lied about the surf tour he was never going (Ryan doesn't say anything, or look suprised) (realises) you knew didn't you Ryan: yeah an I should'a told you but I mean the guy did a good thing Marissa: he did it to get rid of me (raises eyebrows) an I mean even though he is not going now, he still says he doesn't ever wanna see me again Ryan: ok but he's in an awkward position, you gotta respect that, give him some time Marissa: (closes eyes) I know Ryan: look you uh you got your sister back here (raises eyebrows) Marissa: yeah (moves closer to Ryan) I guess I do have a great boyfriend (smiles) Ryan: (nods) you have a great boyfriend too Marissa: (laughs) an I'm jus getting to know my sister...so life could be worse Ryan: mm-hmm (Ryan watches as Marissa unzips a small suitcase and finds her brown jacket, underneath it is a blue and yellow gym bag with a Gamma Tau logo on it) Marissa: (takes jacket) hey Ryan: hey Marissa: that's awesome (leaves) (Ryan goes over and picks up the gym bag. he looks inside and its empty. he puts it back down and turns off the light) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Ryan is leaning against the side counter drinking coffee, looking deep in thought Seth comes in Seth: hey what's up Ryan: hey Seth: you seem pensive, scoot down Ryan: (scoots down, sighs) so Kaitlin is up to somethin Seth: dude, I told you, doom Ryan: (nods) I know Seth: alright ht me with it, what is it Ryan: alright so this guy showed up lookin for her, when I asked her about it she said he'd been stalking her (raises eyebrows) right Seth: but when you went to give him the get outta town speech Ryan: (nods) he said she stole money from some frat party...an then I found this bag he described in the trailer Seth: oooh, she's Jimmy Coopers daughter theft is in her blood Ryan: I know an I wanna give her a chance to explain but- Marissa: (off screen) hey guys, good morning (Marissa and Kaitlin come in) Seth: hey, I love how people jus come in now no more'a that useless back an forth to the front door Marissa: so we're gonna go get pancakes d'you guys wanna come (Kaitlin and Ryan look at each other. Seth notices) Seth: uh actually Marissa I'm gonna need'a borrow you for a second...cause we're gonna have'ta work on Summers birthday present (nods) Marissa: her birthdays not for like eight months (looks at Seth) Seth: (pulls Marissa out of the kitchen) what to get the girl that has everything, we need to plan early (Marissa looks back at Ryan confused, but follows Seth anyway. Kaitlin smiles at Ryan) Ryan: so I went ta see Justin yesterday Kaitlin: oh my god thank you so much Ryan: he said you stole some money Kaitlin: what...money (frowns) I don't know wh- Ryan: I found the bag in your stuff Kaitlin: (looks away then at Ryan) ok so I took it, but it was for a good reason Ryan: (raises eyebrows, nods) please (as if to say explain) Kaitlin: Justin's brother Sam's dating my friend Megan, he seemed like the perfect guy right, till she told him that she was pregnant (nods) Ryan: (looks down) ok then what happened Kaitlin: so she asked him for some money ta...you know (raises eyebrows) take care of it...an he said it wasn't his problem...so I took it (Ryan looks at her) d'you wanna call Megan (unzips her doggy bag from earlier) an ask her how her abortion went Ryan: (shakes head) whatever happened you need to tell Marissa ok Kaitlin: you know I can't tell her, you know how she is (Marissa and Seth come back in) Marissa: (frustrated) Seth I'm sure whichever action figure you choose Summer will be equally thrilled (looks at Ryan) can we go Kaitlin: (looks at Ryan, then away) you know, I lost my appetite (shrugs) (Ryan looks at her) can you guy's jus drop me off on the way Marissa: yyeah sure (Kaitlin looks at Ryan almost pointedly and then leaves. Seth squints at Ryan as if he knows Ryan is the cause) Marissa: (to Ryan) I-is everything ok (Ryan taps the counter and sort of nods. he looks worried) CUT TO: Roberts house - Summer comes down the stairs and goes into the room that Neil is already in. he's sitting on the couch reading the paper Neil: morning sweetheart Summer: late night last night Neil: actually I wanted ta tell you, I went on a date Summer: (pointed) with Veronica Townsend Neil: how'd you know (looks at Summer) Summer: (picks up school books) word gets around when Orange County's Cruella nabs her next puppy (goes to leave) Neil: (laughs) I am sorry I didn't tell you, I thought it would jus be that one dinner Summer: (stops, frowns) what'do you mean you thought, one dinner I get one dinner is a man on the rebound with a severe lapse of judegment Neil: alright, that's enough (takes off glasses) she happens to be a misunderstood woman Summer: dad (moves closer) she is an evil bitch, her daughter was picking out paint chips for her new room, which is your study by the way Neil: Summer I am taking Veronica to the launch party at the Cohen's tonight (Summer is shocked) an I expect you to at least be polite to her Summer: (reluctant)...fine! (Summer picks up her books and leaves, clearly not happy) CUT TO: The trailer park - we hear a knock and then Kaitlin comes out of the bedroom in a pink robe Kaitlin: Gus I'm sorry, my mom said I can't open the door for you again, even if you actually have candy (looks out the window) Johnny: (off screen) it's Johnny Kaitlin: (opens the door) oh, hi (smiles) Johnny: um is Marissa here Kaitlin: how come nobody ever comes knocking on this door looking for me Johnny: sorry I jus...I said some stuff to her yesterday I wanted to apologise Kaitlin: I'm afraid she's not here Johnny: oh, ok (goes to leave) Kaitlin: but (Johnny stops) my moms having this launch party tonight for her new company, it's at the Cohen's, she'll be there...maybe you should stop by Johnny: I don't think that's such a good idea Kaitlin: come on (raises eyebrows) I'm inviting you (Johnny half smiles) so at least there's one person there that's not totally lame Johnny: uh maybe ill stop by (Kaitlin smiles) to apologise to Marissa (Kaitlin nods and smiles. Johnny leaves. Kaitlin closes the door) CUT TO: The pier - Ryan and Marissa are walking near the railings Marissa: so, tell me Ryan: ugh, that obvious Marissa: well I mean you barely touched your short stack I can tell when something's up Ryan: (sighs) its Kaitlin, there's this guy lookin for her (Marissa listens, shocked) who says uh she stole money from his brother Marissa: wh- she stole from another kid, no way Ryan: no she admitted it but...she says she took it becauseeee the brother got her friend pregnant (Marissa raises her eyebrows, mouth agape) an...needed it Marissa: (looks away) I cant believe it Ryan: it doesn't make any sense, why would he come after her if her story is true Marissa: (thinks) so you think she's lying Ryan: I don't know I think you need'ta talk to her Marissa: (unsure)...an accuse her (raises eyebrows) of being a thief, I mean after everything we've put her through that'll really build her trust Ryan: well...I don't think the guys goin away without his money Marissa: alright well, ill talk to her after the party (looks at Ryan) until then we'll just have'ta (shrugs) keep an eye on her CUT TO: Cohen backyard - there are people everywhere getting everything ready for the party. there is a guy dragging a big metal torch/fre thing. Kirsten talks to him Kirsten: (to guy) uh check the propane, thankyou (Kirsten looks over and sees Julie at a bench doing something with paper. I think it's like an information thing for their guest's cause you see a quick flash of what looks like a brochure with a heart on the front) Kirsten: how's it going Julie: great, I've done maybe twelve an I've got about a hundred to go Kirsten: well make that a hundred an two (Julie looks at her) I've added Neil Roberts (screws up face) an Veronica Townsend to the guest list Julie: (shocked) you've gotta be kidding me Kirsten: did Sandy- Julie: what, tell me they were dating, no, I had'ta find that out myself last night at the yacht club, oh (sadly) its jus... Kirsten: what is it Julie: well...for the past few weeks Neil an I have gotten quite close an sure the man is a real catch (Kirsten listens) a wealthy doctor estate with pool an tennis court but, I was jus grateful that he's been so kind to Marissa an then...last night I saw him with Veronica an it ht me...I think I have feelings for him (closes eyes) romantic feelings (Kirsten understands now) now he's with that witch who tried to harpoon Marissa an there coming to our launch party (Kirsten looks at her) ill be ok Kiki, I'm like the Gulf Region, at this point (shrugs) what's one more hurricane CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Summer and Seth are sitting against the side of Seth's bed Seth: I'm tellin you it'd work Summer: we are not starting a rumour that my dad has genital warts (Sandy comes in the open door) Sandy: hey Seth (Summer & Seth look) how bout lending your mom a hand downstairs Seth: actually uh dad we're kinda busy right now Summer: we're tryin'a figure out a way how to break up my dad an some skanked out ho bag (looks down sadly) Sandy: Veronica Townsend Summer: (to Seth) see everyone knows Sandy: you got nothin'a worry about (Summer looks at him) it's a long story but last nights date, one time thing Summer: really (Sandy nods) because I mean he's bringing her to the party tonight Sandy: (suprised) he's goin on a second date with her (Summer puts out her hands and mumbles "I don't know". Kirsten comes in) Kirsten: oh Sandy, there you are, I have'ta talk to you about Veronica Townsend an...you know who Seth: now we have a quorum (Summer looks at him, shocked that Kirsten knows as well) Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) what happened Kirsten: ...there are factors of which I was not aware when I had you set them up Seth: wait you set them up Kirsten: Veronica wanted ta go on a date with Summers dad (Summer frowns) an she thrat ta make Marissa's life hell if we didn't set them up, Neil agreed as a favour Sandy: look Neil's a smart guy if he wants to go on second date with her maybe he sees something (shrugs) in her that we don't Summer: huh Seth: what the hockey (Summer laughs) Kirsten: no-no-no Sandy: n- ok, ok fine, but we have'ta make sure that she's the one who ends it, if Neil starts pullin away she might take it out on Marissa Seth: (hands out) genital - warts (Summers ht him) is the answer Kirsten: Seth Sandy: (to Kirsten) you've got a dinner to set up (looks at Summer & Seth) you two keep workin on a plan (Summer looks at Seth) ill keep thinking, we can do this (nods) (Seth wave's bye as Sandy leaves. Kirsten follows him) Seth: ok we've gotta make Veronica Townsend not wanna date your dad so tell me the most shameful thing you know about your father (Summer frowns, thinking - downstairs near the kitchen we see Kaitlin walk passed the double doors outside. Ryan and Marissa are watching her from inside) Marissa: I'm jus not sure which is harder to believe, that she stole the money or that she paid for some other girls abortion (Ryan looks at her) (points) either way that girls not my sister (we hear the doorbell) Ryan: ill get it (Ryan goes over to answer the door and Marissa watches him. Justin is standing there with 3 other guys) Ryan: (waves) hey, you brought friends Sam: (to Justin) this is the guy who knows where she is (Marissa comes to the door behind Ryan) Marissa: hey look no ones getting anything, get outta here Sam: I'm not goin anywhere Marissa: an which are you the stalker or his brother who got a fourteen year old girl pregnant (Justin looks from Marissa to Ryan, confused) Sam: what the hell is she talkin about (Ryan and Marissa look at them. Kaitlin comes near them without realising) Kaitlin: has anyone seen (Ryan & Marissa look at her) the cocktail napkins (stops when she sees the guys) Sam: give me my money back bitch (starts to go inside) Ryan: (stops Sam) whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa Justin: Kaitlin Ryan: Kaitlin, Kaitlin go to the pool house (Kaitlin quickly leaves) Marissa: look get outta here or we're gonna call the cops Justin: look I've ben tryin to do Kaitlin a favour (Marissa & Ryan look at him) she wont help herself, if you wanna call the cops go ahead (shrugs) ill call them myself Ryan: no-no-no-no its fine (to Marissa) Marissa jus go talk to her please (Marissa leaves) Ryan: maybe we can settle this (puts up hand) jus give em a second alright (Sam, Justin and the other guys look at Ryan - we now see Marissa going into the pool house) Marissa: Kaitlin these guys are- (Marissa looks around the empty pool house, no Kaitlin in sight) Marissa: Kaitlin (Marissa looks worried) CUT TO: The trailer park - there is a taxi parked out the front of Julie's trailer. the range rover pulls up next to it. Marissa is in the passenger seat and Ryan is driving Marissa: (takes off seatbelt) looks like she already planned her getaway (Marissa and Ryan get out of the car - inside the trailer Kaitlin is busy packing her suitcase. Marissa and Ryan walk in) Marissa: going somewhere Kaitlin: like anyone would notice Marissa: oh I think those boys you stole the money from would Kaitlin: (to Ryan) I told you not to tell her, I knew she was gonna act like a self righteous princess Marissa: you're blaming me! Ryan: hey, why don't you two jus talk to each other (Marissa closes her eyes, frustrated. Kaitlin continues packing. Marissa calms down a little and sits on the bed, Kaitlin sits next to her) Marissa: you should jus let me help you Kaitlin: now I'm suppose'ta believe that you care Marissa: (looks at Kaitlin) I do care Kaitlin: yeah, that's why I spent the last two Christmases with complete strangers (Marissa closes her eyes) strangers who don't even have a nice tree Marissa: an I want ta make that up to you...but you have'ta start being more honest (looks at Kaitlin) Kaitlin: I have'ta start being honest, look around Marissa you an mom have been living a giant lie Marissa: hey I jus found out about the trailer (frowns) mom said she was...renovating a condo Kaitlin: (looks at Marissa) an you believed her...my friend Hadley's dad owns this property an when he heard about his new tenant he called her right away cause he couldn't believe it, Julie Cooper-Nichol, isn't that Kaitlin's mom, why would she be living in a trailer park Marissa: (shakes head) I can't believe you knew Kaitlin: my whole school knew Marissa: ...so...why did you steal the money (frowns) Kaitlin: because I wanted to come back home... Marissa: why (raises eyebrows) ta find out if the rumours are true Kaitlin: (softly) no (shakes head) ta make sure that you an mom were ok Marissa: (closes eyes, sincerely) I'm sorry...but we really we're just trying to spare you Kaitlin: from what...being a part of this family (Marissa looks at Kaitlin, Kaitlin looks at her) Marissa: (half laughs) come here (Marissa leans forward and hugs Kaitlin. Kaitlin hugs her back, awww) Marissa: (rubs Kaitlin's back) look if you stick around long enough you might find out what that's really like (after they finish hugging Kaitlin goes to her suitcase and takes the puppy bag thing that Marissa gave her, out) Kaitlin: Ryan (Ryan comes to the door way. Kaitlin unzips the puppy and pulls out a large wad of cash and holds it out. Ryan takes it from her) Kaitlin: I only wanted enough for the car to get down here, I'm sorry for all the lies Ryan: ill tell the cabbie he's not needed (Ryan takes some money from the wad of cash and goes outside. Marissa stands next to Kaitlin) Marissa: well, I guess unfortunately you have'ta go to moms launch party Kaitlin: (frowns) only if I can borrow something to wear CUT TO: Cohen backyard - we see red tea lights floating in the pool. people standing around and a big New Match sign. it's black with the New & Match in gold and a red heart between them. we then see Summer and Seth watching Neil and Veronica together, they clink glasses Summer: where is she Seth: (looks around) don't worry Taylor'll be here Summer: I can't believe I told you that about my dad Seth: well it does kinda make me see him in a new light (Summer nods) (Julie and Kirsten walk to where the banner is displayed. in front is a microphone) Kirsten: (into mic) uh hi everybody (everyone looks) welcome, thanks for coming, I'm Kirsten Cohen Julie: an I'm Julie Cooper-Nichol (everyone claps) thankyou, uh well tonight we launch Newport's first exclusive dating service New Match, because well whether your gay, straight, single, divorced, nearly divorced, in a world of wealth an luxury the only thing really worth pursuing...is a soul mate (smiles) Kirsten: (smiles) so drink up enjoy and flirt (everyone claps. Julie is distracted by Neil and Veronica once again clinking glasses together. Julie and Kirsten walk away from the microphone, Sandy walks up to them both, clapping proudly) Sandy: if I didn't already have the perfect woman I would sign right up (Kirsten smiles) Julie: will you two excuse me (Julie leaves. Kirsten folds her arms worried) Sandy: don't worry, the plan is in motion (Kirsten and Sandy look over at Neil and Veronica - inside we see Seth near the front door) Seth: Taylor, your here, great Taylor: oooh its good ta see you too Seth Seth: yeah (touches Taylor's arm) so Taylor: (pulls away) now don't make a pass at me, I don't want you (folds arms) coming between sisters Seth: (looks at Taylor) ok c'mere (Seth pulls Taylor into another room) Seth: listen uh how serious is your mom about Dr. Roberts Taylor: well lets put it this way when my mom decides she wants something she gets it (nods) like when she wanted my dad she got him an when she (shrugs) wanted all of his money an the house in the divorce she got that (shrugs, smiles) an now she wants Dr Neil Roberts Seth: well (screws up face) there's jus something I think you should know about him (Seth motions for Talyor to move closer to him and then whispers something in her ear. Taylor's eyes are wide as she's listening) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - Justin comes in and goes over to where Ryan is sitting, he sits down next to him Ryan: there it is, most of it anyway (Justin hides the money under some clothing) Justin: thanks, so uh where's Kaitlin Ryan: uhhh with her sister why (Justin looks at him) why do I get the feeling this isn't just about the money Justin: jus thought Kaitlin might come by with you (Ryan looks at him) to apologise for something, least she could do is apologise (scoffs, frowns) so she didn't say anything to you about me at all Ryan: (shakes head, raises eyebrows) like Justin: I don't know Ryan: (realises) your in love with her Justin: ...maybe, I thought I was but Ryan: but what Justin: just be careful of that girl man, she's...amazing (Ryan looks at him) thanks (Justin leaves and Ryan sits there thinking) CUT TO: Cohen house - Kaitlin and Marissa are back at the party now Kaitlin: you know I use'ta always lie awake so jealous that you mom an dad are at one'a these things (points) a Newport party Marissa: (looks at Kaitlin) yeah well you're finally here Kaitlin: oh yeah, but what I had in mind was way cooler than this (we now see Seth and Summer in the backyard together) Summer: we'll how'd it go Seth: (points) watch an see (we are now with Neil and Veronica) Veronica: Neil maybe we should go somewhere a little bit more private an have a drink Neil: well that sounds like a good idea (Taylor comes up next to Veronica) Taylor: hi um I'm sorry, mom can I just talk to you for a second Veronica: um Taylor, Dr Roberts an I are trying to have a private conversation Taylor: ok this is jus gonna take a second (holds up finger) Neil: its ok, go ahead (Taylor pulls Veronica away and whispers to her. Seth and Summer watch) Veronica: (looks at Taylor, whispers) what, who told you that (Seth and Summer are still watching) Neil: is everything ok Veronica: uhhh...yeah um Neil uh we'll have'ta do that drink another time uh uh Taylor's not feeling well uh ill jus talk to you later (before Neil can say anything Veronica pulls Taylor away. as they walk away Taylor waves to Summer and Seth happily. Seth and Summer wave back, happily stunned) Seth: huh (smiles) Summer: oh my god that is amazing (looks at Seth) an all you did was tell her he voted for John Kerry Seth: yes, that is exactly what I...said Summer: (realises) you told her he had genital warts! come on Seth: listen the Kerry thing wasn't gonna work (we now see Sandy walk up to Neil) Sandy: Neil Neil: hey Sandy Sandy: you're all alone Neil: yes, yes Veronica's daughter wasn't feeling well Sandy: well if you ask me you jus dodged a Newpsie bllet Neil: oh your probably right, I think I been out of the dating pool so long I was momentarily (raises eyebrows) blind (laughs) I think its time for me to be gettin home Sandy: you know I think there's someone here (points) who wouldn't mind your company (we see Julie drinking alone, sadly. Neil and Sandy look over - out the front Johnny arrives. as he heads to the front door Kaitlin passes him. they both stop and Kaitlin smiles) Johnny: hey Kaitlin, are you leaving Kaitlin: I wish I could Johnny: (nods) party that good huh Kaitlin: (thinks) jus got a little bit more interesting (Johnny looks at Kaitlin, Kaitlin looks at him almost flirtatiously. Johnny laughs) Johnny: I'm gonna find Marissa, scuse me (as Johnny starts to walk away Kaitlin purposely bumps into him and grins. Johnny leaves and she sighs - in the backyard Neil goes over to Julie) Neil: hey there Julie: (looks at Neil) where's Veronica Neil: uh, she left (raises eyebrows) Julie: (suprised) alone (Neil smiles) really, you two seemed to be getting along so well Neil: mm (nods) actually I was hoping that you might have dinner with me sometime Julie: (looks at Neil) Neil I would love to (now we see Johnny walk up behind Marissa, he taps her and she turns around) Marissa: Ryan uh (Johnny lo	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x12 - The Sister Act"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Cohen kitchen, morning - Sandy walks into the kitchen holding a tie in each hand Sandy: (frowns) hey baby h-have you seen my lucky tie Kirsten: I got it dry cleaned (holds up tie) Sandy: (takes tie, pleasantly suprised) oh (looks at Kirsten) you're an angel (Ryan is reading the paper down the far end of the counter) Ryan: big day Sandy: (puts on tie) well I gotta sign some papers, make a few calls, build a hospital Ryan: (impressed) building a hospital, wow Sandy: well Caleb deserves most'a the credit, I just inherited the project Ryan: so who's payin for it Sandy: the board of the Newport gn medical centre, they commissioned a proposal from us an (motions) from a firm in Brea an (raises eyebrows) today we're both presenting Kirsten: (confident) an they are gonna pick you Sandy: well (wiggles tie) now that I got my lucky tie (smiles) Kirsten: hm (Seth comes in. he's a little out of it and still in his robe) Sandy: hey Seth: hello, hi Kirsten: (frowns) are you ok, you seemed a little distracted last night Seth: (looks at Kirsten) uhh yeah, no, I'm fine (Kirsten looks from Seth to Sandy) Sandy: I don't think that convinced anyone Seth: (sighs) I was leavin school yesterday an Mrs. Rushfield said that some Brown rep called an...wants ta interview me on Sunday Sandy: that's great (Ryan looks at Seth) why didn't you say anything Seth: I don't know, I guess it just needed to sink in Ryan: did Summer get an interview Seth: (laughs) I forgot ta ask actually I was jus kinda spinning Ryan: well you want me to help you out, maybe uh ask you a few questions Seth: (with his back to Ryan) yeah Sandy: listen Matt's waitin for me right now but when I get back lets talk, we'll-we'll practice, whatever you need Seth: yeah (pours cereal) Sandy: I gotta go Kirsten: oh I better go too, Julie an I have a meeting with a new client (touches Seth's arm) I am so proud of you Seth: thanks (Kirsten smiles and leaves. Ryan goes over to Seth) Ryan: you sure your alright man Seth: (frowns) yeah its jus kinda weird, its like there I am an I'm all ready to go an I got my watch set ta East coast time an then I get this interview an (shrugs) I don't know it just kinda ht me, like I'm leaving Newport Ryan: well, so your havin second thoughts Seth: (points) dude I planned my first escape on an etch-a-sketch this is my dream, its just I don't know now it's real Ryan: well why don't you talk ta Summer about it I mean I'm sure she's freakin out a little bit too Seth: no I'm fine, seriously this is just my process Ryan: (raises eyebrows) fair enough your...pouring your coffee in your cereal (Seth looks at Ryan then looks down at what he's doing. his cereal bowl has coffee in it) Seth: mm (Seth sits the bowl in the sink and sighs. he looks out the window nostalgically) Seth: (sighs) Newport I hardly knew you... Theme song - Calfornia by Phantom Planet Harbor school - Seth is at his locker and Summer runs over to him excitedly Summer: Cohen! I got one Seth: hey Summer- Summer: (breathless) an interview with the Brown guy Mrs. Rushfield jus told me an that you got one too (points) Seth: (unenthusiastically) oh yeah, that's great Summer: great? Mrs. Rushfield said they only interview people that there serious about, this like totally increases our chances'a getting in together (hits Seth) show some excitement Seth: no it's amazing its jus (looks at Summer) are you feelin any anxiety at all about this Summer: about what (raises eyebrows) Seth: about leavin Newport an your friends an family an goin somewhere completely new in September Summer: (shrugs) well yeah honestly I was Seth: (a little relieved) really cause- Summer: but then I talked to Colonel Flinn Seth: who's Colonel Flinn Summer: he's my boot camp instructor, he's a former Delta (Seth nods) he says you can either ride change, or change rides you (Seth frowns) an also there's no room in the trenches'a life (frowns) for whiny little babies Seth: ah Summer: wanna see my wr face (screws up face) grrrrrr Seth: that's uh that's just scary? (we hear the bell) Summer: I gotta go, but um (frowns) its not September (raises eyebrows) freshman orientation starts August twenty fifth Seth: oh... Summer: (kisses Seth) bye Seth: bye CUT TO: Newport Group - the first thing we see is a large board with a drawing of the proposed hospital on it. Sandy is standing next to it presenting their proposal Sandy: (points) situated as it is the hospital will provide ready access to Newport's affluent an less affluent neighbourhoods, servicing the whole community (we see 3 business men sitting across from Sandy and Matt. one of them we later find out is Bill Merriam) Matt: more detailed budgets an schedules are in your folders, along with copies of the permits that we've pulled (one of the men takes a bite of a bagel and looks at his watch) Matt: we know you have another proposal to hear today, you should know we're ready to start any time, jus give us the green light Bill: well speaking for all of us you two have done a great job (stands) I only wish Caleb could'a ben here Sandy: thanks Bill, this project was close to his heart, he did have one as it turns out (shakes Bills hand) Bill: we'll contact you as soon as we've made our decision (Sandy and Matt are now in the room by themselves) Sandy: (pours coffee) now we wait (Matt looks at Sandy then down) what Matt: I took a look at Brea groups plan this morning, I didn't wanna tell you because I didn't wanna spook you before the presentation Sandy: (looks at Matt) so Matt: it's good Sandy: better than ours Matt: there both excellent...but the Brea group has been wining an dining Bill Merriam an the board for months I mean dinner, concerts, cruises Sandy: well we offered em bagels when they came in Matt: I'm worried that we've handicapped ourselves Sandy: when I got inta this I said I wouldn't do business by plying people with meals an gifts Matt: an I respect that, I do but what it could all come down to is who Bill Merriam likes more (raises eyebrows) Sandy: well, hopefully he'll appreciate the fact that we appealed to his intelligence...an not to his taste for Pinot CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa and Summer are in the student lounge together, sitting at table looking through old photos of the Cooper family. we see one of the photos close up when the scene begins, it is of a young Julie Cooper holding a chubby baby in her arms Summer: here's a picture with Kaitlin (frowns) but what's wrong with this horse Marissa: (looks) that's China, she has alopecia Summer: eww, she looks like a giant Chihuahua (Ryan comes over) Ryan: hey, what's up (sits) Marissa: hey, so Kaitlin turns fifteen this weekend an I'm putting together an album for her Ryan: ah, that's nice of you Marissa: yeah well she hasn't ben home for one since she was (thinks) twelve (raises eyebrows) so we've got a few to make up for Summer: well as long as it comes with 2 carat diamond earrings I'm sure our little Kaitlin will be happy (Ryan looks at her) Marissa: my parents kinda went over board on Kaitlin's birthdays when she was little, it always made (looks at Summer) Summer a little jealous Summer: I need a coffee, anyone else (Ryan shakes his head. Summer leaves. Marissa looks nostalgically at a photo she's holding, it's of a young girl next to a toddler'ish looking girl. I wouldn't be suprised if it was a real photo of Mischa and her little sister. Ryan looks at Marissa then at the photo) Ryan: (nods) what is it Marissa: its jus looking at these old photos...I mean is this really the same girl who stole money from a fraternity (Ryan looks at her) an then lied about paying for an abortion, I feel like I don't even know her anymore Ryan: well family's can be like that, people change on you (Marissa looks at him) maybe this is your chance to get to know the new Kaitlin Marissa: I guess, I mean otherwise she goes back to school an (shrugs) I have'ta go to college an that's it (we see a close up of another photo. it's of a young girl standing with a white horse) CUT TO: The pier - Kaitlin and Johnny are walking together Johnny: Cirque du Soleil Kaitlin: yeah what's wrong with that Johnny: most people I know jus had a clown at their birthday party Kaitlin: my mom went all out, we had presents, games, petting zoo, an honestly the best part was always the after party (smiles, remembering) the whole family together (Johnny listens) we'd stay up late an eat cake (sighs) an watch The Sound Of Music, sing along (laughs) Johnny: (laughs) oh you mean like um...I'm sixteen going on seventeen Kaitlin: yeah except however old I was turning we'd always put in the ages, I guess as long as we still do that the rest doesn't really matter (they are now standing against the railing facing each other) Johnny: (nods)...so have you told Marissa that we're hangin out Kaitlin: (slightly shakes head) no, your not gonna tell her are you Johnny: not much chance of that, now that she's back at Harbor...I haven't even talked to her since your moms party Kaitlin: you mean since we had our midnight swim Johnny: (laughs) you mean since you had your midnight swim an I got you a towel Kaitlin: most guys would've taken advantage of me Johnny: (nods, laughs) yeah I guess I'm old fashioned Kaitlin: it's what I like about (smiles) (Johnny smiles and Kaitlin kisses him on the cheek) Kaitlin: (touches Johnny's arm) now lets talk about what your gonna get me for my birthday CUT TO: The Piet still but a different part - we see Neil go into an establishment we've never seen before. it seems like a restaurant/bar type place but it's not overly fancy. Julie is sitting at a table by herself Neil: Julie (Julie looks) I am so sorry to keep you waiting a procedure ran long (sits) Julie: oh no no its fine you know it's just uh (looks at watch) I have'ta pick up Marissa from school in a few minutes Neil: oh no...well, let's enjoy the time that we have, I'm just happy that we're finally meeting after you postponed twice (raises eyebrows) I...thought maybe you changed your mind Julie: no I jus...kept thinking about the fact that our daughters are best friends I'm a recent widow your...just out of a marriage Neil: (nods) so what...finally tipped the scale Julie: (looks at Neil)...I felt something Neil: (smiles) me too (Julie smiles at Neil, Neil smiles back then Julie looks away) Julie: I'm-I'm so sorry (picks up purse) I really have'ta go Neil: (puts hand on Julies) oh no no no, I got this, Julie how bout dinner on Sunday night (Julie looks at him) I know this terrible burger joint even the owner avoids it, we'll be totally alone Julie: (smiles) Sunday then CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Seth is on his bed holding Capt. Oats, he's looking very lost. aww. we hear a knock at the door and then Sandy walks in Sandy: hey (Seth slowly sits around and Sandy sits down next to him on the edge of the bed) Sandy: I came to see how your doin Seth: hey dad Sandy: its amazing to think that you'll be leavin in a few months Seth: (sighs) yeah I'm freakin out, for years I've been talkin about how much I wanna get outta here an then...soon as its time I'm all like no, no I'm not ready Sandy: what your feelin is totally natural, I felt it (looks at Seth) leavin the Bronx for California ugh I was terrified about fittin in (Seth listens) I spent a month practicin how to say dude Seth: you still say it ? Sandy: look you're about to begin this great adventure an ya have no idea what's gonna happen Seth: yeah (shrugs) I jus don't really feel like it's the beginning of anything (Sandy's cell rings) I feel like more things are comin to an end an Sandy: I'm sorry (Seth looks at him) it's the hospital board (Seth looks away sadly. Sandy stands and answers the phone) Sandy: Bill, how you doin (laughs) Seth: (stands) uh I'm gonna go take a walk Sandy: (covers phone, softly) good idea clear your head, ill talk to you when you get back (into the phone) I'm sorry, so, are we buildin a hospital CUT TO: The trailer park - Marissa comes through the door carrying take away food Marissa: hey, Kaitlin, anyone home me an mom got take out (Marissa puts the bags on the counter and takes off her jacket. she notices The Sound Of Music DVD sticking out of Kaitlin's bag. Marissa picks it up, looks at it, smiles and then puts it back. Julie comes in Julie: (to Kaitlin) hey sweetie, did Marissa tell you we got Thai take out we're doing dinner ala Cohen Kaitlin: that sounds great, I love Thai (sits on stool) Julie: oh you know what I also picked up a menu from this Armenian place, I thought you guys could order from there Sunday night (puts menu down) I have a business dinner, it's totally annoying Kaitlin: ...Sunday (looks at Julie) Marissa: uh mom, we've got plans Sunday remember Julie: (clueless) what're you talking about we don't have plans on Sunday Marisa: (looks at Julie) yeah we do, we were gonna order in food, watch The Sound Of Music (Kaitlin looks away, hurt) Julie: (still clueless, looks at Marissa) The Sound Of Music why would (Marissa motions to Kaitlin with her eyes then looks at Julie. Julie shakes her head then looks at Kaitlin, finally realising. Kaitlin is still looking away) Julie: oh my god, baby I totally forgot Sundays your birthday (smiles) (Kaitlin looks away more) Marissa: yeah but hey if its business you can totally (shrugs) reschedule right (smiles) Julie: I-I can totally reschedule Kaitlin: you know what, why bother (grabs her bag and jacket, stands) Julie: Kaitlin Kaitlin: no seriously, I hardly even remembered myself (Julie looks at her) I'm gonna go meet a friend because I'm not even hungry Julie: Kaitlin wait (Kaitlin leaves, Julie sighs and Marissa shrugs) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy comes down the stairs looking a little like Seth has lately. he goes into the kitchen where Kirsten is cooking dinner Kirsten: oh Sandy d'you wanna tell the boys that dinners almost ready Sandy: sure but (points) Seth's takin a walk, he'll be back soon Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) what's wrong Sandy: ah Bill Merriam called, looks like there goin with the group in Brea Kirsten: oh I'm sorry (looks at Sandy sympathetically) Sandy: I jus really wanted this project Kirsten: is it too late for a new approach Sandy: no we took our sht...plus I don't want a contract if we have'ta get it by plyin some guy with Kobe beef Kirsten: if that's what you think would convince him (raises eyebrows) I think you're selling yourself short Sandy: what'do you mean (looks at Kirsten) Kirsten: I jus know that when you wooed me there was no caviar an champagne an you did alright Sandy: (looks at Kirsten)...I should take Bill Merriam out for pizza (Kirsten smiles) an bad wine in the back of a mail truck Kirsten: I mean show him who you are beyond schedules an budgets (Sandy looks down) an who knows maybe he loves pizza (Kisses Sandy's cheek) CUT TO: The Pier - we see the back of Kaitlin's head, she's smoking against the railing and notices Seth walking in the distance Kaitlin: hey (Seth is standing on the other side. Kaitlin goes over to him) Seth: (looks) Kaitlin, what're you doin here (Kaitlin walks passed him so she's facing him) (frowns) are you...are you smoking pot (we see a quick sht of the joint in Kaitlin's hand) Kaitlin: yeah, why, you a cop Seth: no, but I, you know (points behind himself) I mean Kaitlin: relax, noooobody here's gonna bust me (smiles) you want some Seth: no I'm ok, I'm good thanks Kaitlin: sure (Seth nods) it helps take the edge off an...I could tell you could use it Seth: yeah (looks down) well I was savin the whole drug thing for college plus...my dad smoked pot at Berkeley so it...it's pretty much ruined for me (frowns) where'd you get that at Kaitlin: school (matter of factly) this girl grows it in a closet Seth: what made you decide to uh... Kaitlin: my mom forgot my birthday Seth: (nods) oh Kaitlin: yeah, that whole time when I was gone I kept tellin myself that your paranoid an there not gonna forget about you, wrong (looks away, shrugs) Seth: well you know what, I'm sure your mom feels really bad Kaitlin: but that's not the point, can you imagine (looks at Seth) growing up with Marissa Cooper as your older sister...my birthday was the one day I could count on people actually noticing me, not anymore (Marissa runs over) Marissa: (calls) Kaitlin (Seth and Kaitlin look over) Kaitlin: (to Seth) please don't say anything (Seth motions to Kaitlin that he won't. Kaitlin puts the join out on the railing just as Marissa gets closer) Seth: hey Marissa: hey Seth: we jus bumped into each other, two ships passing Marissa: (to Kaitlin) um come on, please can we go home now (Seth looks at Kaitlin, Kaitlin looks at him) mom feels terrible Kaitlin: (softly) fine (Kaitlin looks at Seth and then starts walking away with Marissa) Marissa: (to Seth) ill see ya Kaitlin: (looks at Seth) offer stands, you know where to find me (Kaitlin and Marissa walk away. Seth has a surreal expression on his face, sort of like "did that really happen/is she for real") CUT TO: The trailer park, next morning - Marissa is sitting on a chair reading InStyle magazine in her PJ's, we can hear the shower running in the backround. we hear a cell phone ringing Marissa: (looks up) Kaitlin your phone (Kaitlin doesn't respond so Marissa puts the magazine down and looks at Kaitlin's cell, she frowns and answers) Marissa: Johnny (Johnny is in his room on his phone, he is also thrown by Marissa answering and not Kaitlin) Johnny: oh Marissa, hey Marissa: hey w- were you calling Kaitlin Johnny: ...uh no I was calling you umm but...your phone didn't ring sooo I figured id give hers a try (shakes head) (Kaitlin comes out of the shower in a pink robe and sees Marissa on her cell phone) Kaitlin: what're you doing Marissa: (takes phone away, softly) hey it's Johnny (shrugs) it's for me (Kaitlin looks away. Marissa goes back to the phone) Marissa: what's up Johnny: y-you know it jus seemed like we hadn't talked for a while Marissa: (raises eyebrows) I know, what're you doing tonight cause we were all gonna go out (Kaitlin looks at her) Johnny: oh uh thanks buuut I-I'm gonna be with a friend...um hey listen my mom needs me, let me uh call you later Marissa: ok, bye (hangs up) Kaitlin: so any time a guy calls it's for you (looks at Marissa) Marissa: what're you talking about, I mean it was for me Kaitlin: forget it Marissa: look Kaitlin I know your upset about last night but Kaitlin: I'm bored talking about it Marissa: ok, well um...we're all going out tonight to the Bait Shop if you wanna come Kaitlin: I can't, I'm meeting friends (smiles) Marissa: I'm gonna go take a shower (Marissa goes into the bathroom and Kaitlin sits down and calls Johnny back) Johnny: hello Kaitlin: so how d'you feel about going to the Bait Shop tonight CUT TO: Roberts' house - Julie is standing at the door and Neil has just opened it Neil: Julie, what a suprise, come in Julie: hi Neil, is Summer here Neil: no I think she's at Seth's Julie: oh ok well, is there any chance that we could have dinner tonight instead of tomorrow night Neil: unfortunately I'm working your not gonna cancel on me are you Julie: well, tomorrows Kaitlin's birthday, I cant believe it slipped my mind, id like to give her a small party, I guess it'd have'ta be small I live in a trailer, I hope you understand Neil: (thinks) then why don't you have it here Julie: what Neil: well there's plenty'a room, girls can use the pool...an I get to see you, what'do you say Julie: (stunned) I say Neil: wonderful (picks up key) here is a key, you can let yourself in do all the prep that you need (Julie looks at Neil, smiles) I've got a couple'a minutes why don't I give you a tour (Neil walks away. Julie stares at the key in her hand) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is sitting on his bed and Seth and Summer are sitting in front of him. Ryan is helping them prepare for the interview. Summer appears to also be reading a gossip magazine, lol Ryan: alright Summer (points) this ones for you, you ready Summer: (looks up) yeah I'm listening Ryan: ok, whose been the greatest influence in your intellectual development Summer: um Muccia Prada Seth: (looks at Summer) you probably wanna say somebody more like Einstein or Summer: so you want me to like lie Seth: no I jus I don't think that uh Prada is the answer that there looking for Summer: well this interview could like determine the rest of our lives (raises eyebrows) right (Seth listens) well if I say something that I don't believe in I could end up with (frowns) the wrong life, how awful would that be (Seth looks at her) Ryan: she has a point (looks at Seth) (Seth screws up his face at him, as if to say "what the hell") Summer: I have'ta go get a mani pedi (starts to leave) Seth: Summer Summer: (stops) Cohen if you wanna memorise answers you think that they wanna hear that's fine (folds arms) but (shrugs) I believe in being myself (Seth looks at her) an by the way Muccia Prada combined styles from time periods in ways people never even imagined possible (shrugs) her clothes teach you to change your perspective (smiles, leaves) Seth: I think she'll be fine (points) Ryan: so where d'you see yourself in ten years Seth: where do I see uh myself (points to himself) in ten years (looks down) that's a good question, ok, uhhh (looks at Ryan) well I guess more than anything you know what I would like (points) I would like the happiness (rubs arm) that I have right now, although I guess what're the chances'a that I (puts hands out) mean you go through your life an your probably only gonna be able to look back an...pin point like two or three times where you were genuinely actually happy an then of course in those moments you wouldn't of even (raises eyebrows) appreciated it anyways because who does right so (sighs) where do I see my self in ten years (thinks) umm I guess what I would like is uh id like to be right here, you know what I mean, right now in this moment (frowns) and uh (touches nose) not because I'm afraid of uncertainty because I'm not its jus (chews finger, shakes head) you know I was taught that when you have something good what your suppose'ta do is you hang onto it (nods) you know ya hang onto it with both hands (screws up face) an if somebody tries to take that from you what you should do is you should make sure that they pry it from your cold dad fingers...(softly) yeah Ryan: (looks at Seth)...lets take a break (stands) Seth: oh god (puts head down in hands) Ryan: (pats Seth's neck) ill get you some water CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy is arriving and Matt is there working Sandy: hey I told you to stop comin in on Saturdays Matt: (motions) look whose talking Sandy: hey listen, give Bill Merriam a call an tell him we'd like to take him out tomorrow Matt: (nods) this is a good idea, I know that they officially haven't given Brea the word yet so, what should I do uh set up a tee time, reservation at The Arches Sandy: you ever eaten at El Pavo Loco Matt: no, is that a new restaurant (folds arms) Sandy: it's a burrito stand, I thought we'd take him on a walking tour of the neighbourhoods around the hospital Matt: (looks at Sandy) your kidding Sandy: the Brea group's hospital is smack in an exclusive area, ours would serve more people I wanna bring that home Matt: Sandy Sandy: I know (closes eyes) it's not how the rest of the world does business (shrugs) Matt: ok...ill tell Bill Merriam that he'll have a day...he'll never forget (Sandy nods) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - we see shts of the dance floor and then we see Marissa and Ryan sitting together at the bar Ryan: (holds up drink) cheers Marissa: (clinks with Ryan's) cheers (drinks) Ryan: how's it goin with Kaitlin Marissa: ...well, I mean she was pretty upset, I invited her out (Marissa's eyes wander over and she sees Johnny and Kaitlin coming down the stairs together. Marissa looks at them stunned. Kaitlin sees Marissa but doesn't seem phased at all) Marissa: (stands) Kaitlin (Marissa makes her way through the crowd and over to the stairs. Ryan follows) Kaitlin: oh my god Marissa I totally forgot you were gonna be here (Marissa looks from Kaitlin to Johnny confused) Marissa: hey, well what're you two doing (Johnny looks at Kaitlin. Kaitlin looks at him) Kaitlin: we're jus hangin out (smiles) so don't freak out or anything Johnny: yeah we probably should'a mentioned it Marissa: so you two are jus, hangin out Kaitlin: well yeah, he took me home from the party remember, then we had a chance to talk (Ryan watches) (looks at Johnny) went for a swim (Marissa raises her eyebrows) Johnny: actually uh- Marissa: (looks at Johnny) oh so I asked you to drive my little sister home an you guys went for a midnight swim Johnny: no I- look (holds hand up defensively) I jus got her a towel (Kaitlin smiles. Ryan looks from Johnny to Kaitlin) Marisa: who were you really calling this morning me or her (Ryan looks at Johnny. Johnny looks down then at Marissa) Kaitlin: (to Johnny) look, I knew she was gonna freak out like this (Marissa raises her eyebrows at Kaitlin. Kaitlin looks at her. Marissa looks at Ryan in disbelief then back at Kaitlin. Ryan looks at Johnny/Kaitlin. Johnny looks at Marissa/Ryan) Marissa: I'm not freaking out I jus don't like being lied to Kaitlin: whatever (Johnny looks down. Ryan raises his eyebrows and looks down) Kaitlin: (to Johnny) can you take me home, I don't feel very well (Marissa rolls her eyes, looks away and then at Johnny) Johnny: I'm sorry (Kaitlin and Johnny leave. Marissa looks at Ryan) Ryan: you alright Marissa: yeah I jus, I don't see why they couldn't (squints) tell me the truth (Ryan looks at Marissa then up at Kaitlin and Johnny as they leave. Marissa is also watching) CUT TO: The trailer park - the first thing we see is a sign that reads "WAYSIDE and underneath that TRAILER PARK". then Johnny's car as it drives in Kaitlin: (off screen) come on, watching Marissa get jealous, admit it felt great Johnny: (off screen) she wasn't jealous (the car stops in front of Julie's trailer) Kaitlin: (off screen) she was so jealous, seeing us together (smiles) Johnny: Kaitlin I'm not sure about this Kaitlin: but I...I thought you liked me Johnny: (looks away) I do...but ok look even if you weren't Marissa's sister (looks at Kaitlin) I'm seventeen your fourteen Kaitlin: fifteen tomorrow Johnny: still Kaitlin: (looks away) fine, I get it (gets out) Johnny: (leans over) no look (Kaitlin looks at him) I wanna keep hangin out...but...as friends, ok Kaitlin: it'll make Marissa mad Johnny: (laughs) I can live with that (Kaitlin shuts the door and smiles, Johnny smiles back and then leaves. Kaitlin walks up to the door) Seth: hey Kaitlin: (startled) oh my god (closes eyes) (we can now see that Seth is standing in the bushes beside the side of the veranda, its dark and he is hard to see) Seth: (laughs) sorry I didn't mean to scare ya I know it seems weird uh me loitering in the shadows Kaitlin: its ok (Seth looks at her) I had a feeling you'd come around (Seth lifts his hands off the railing as if to say "well here I am") CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - the first thing we see is a zip lock bag, a lighter and 3 joints sitting next to a school book. the sht changes and we see that Seth is sitting at his desk staring at the joints. he has his head on his hand just staring. we hear a knock at the door. Seth slides everything into an open drawer just as Sandy comes in, and closes it Sandy: hey, top of the mornin Seth: hey Sandy: so today's the day huh Seth: yeah interviews not till this afternoon Sandy: well your mothers makin pancakes (motions) come on down Seth: you know I already ate plus I jus wanna kinda go over some'a this stuff Sandy: at a certain point cramming becomes counter productive (looks at Seth) do somethin to relax Seth: I was thinkin that myself (frowns) Sandy: your gonna do great (Sandy smiles, leaves and closes the door. Seth opens the drawer and pulls the joints back out. the next thing we see is Seth pushing a towel in the gap under the door. he then goes and opens a window, lights up one of the joints with the lighter, blows on the end and then puts it in his mouth) CUT TO: The trailer park - we see Kaitlin eating her breakfast by herself. Marissa comes out looks at Kaitlin and then leans against the fridge Marissa: Happy Birthday (Kaitlin looks at Marissa and then looks down) Marissa: look Kaitlin I know you think I over reacted or whatever but, I mean Johnny's just (raises eyebrows) alot older than you and I don't wanna see you get hurt Kaitlin: (looks at Marissa) oh please, like that's really why you got mad Marissa: (looks at Kaitlin) uh what's that suppose'ta mean (Julie comes in from outside, dressed in a sporty outfit. she's breathless) Julie: oo, hey, oh look at that, my two little girls or, should I say two young women (to Kaitlin) Happy Birthday sweetie (Kisses Kaitlin's cheek and half hugs her) mwah, oh Kaitlin: (screws up face) oh gross mom, you're all sweaty Julie: (wipes mouth) oh I know, I'm sorry I was running, you know after years of doing cardio-barre an yoga-lates I forgot how good this feels, I got three honks! Marissa: (raises eyebrows, almost disturbed) that's great mom (Kaitlin is standing at the sink with her back to Julie and Marissa, playing with her breakfast) Julie: ok so tonight, not only have I planned am amazing dinner but Dr. Roberts said that we could have it at his house Marissa: whoa Dr. Roberts offered you his house (moves to the counter so Julie can open the fridge) Julie: yeah well I-I ran into him yesterday an I mentioned that it was Kaitlin's birthday an whala he couldn't take no for an answer (smiles) he's so generous, whoever gets him is a very lucky woman Kaitlin: (looks at Julie) you know I don't want a birthday dinner Julie: (swallows water) what're you talking about, he even said that we could watch The Sound Of Music on his plasma Kaitlin: maybe next year Julie: (looks at Kaitlin) oh honey I am so sorry that I forgot your birthday (Kaitlin looks away) ever since Caleb's death things have been a little crazy...but we really need this, as a family (Kaitlin looks at her) please Kaitlin: (looks at Marissa then Julie) only if I can invite a friend Marissa: (frowns) no! (Julie looks at her) I mean isn't it better if it's just our family an the Roberts Julie: well its Kaitlin's birthday she can have whoever she wants (gasps) oh maybe we should invite your old friends from the equestrian club Kaitlin: sure (smiles, looks at Marissa almost smugly) sounds great, bye Julie: ok, bye honey (kisses Kaitlin's cheek) (Kaitlin leaves) Julie: oh Marissa I'm gonna need you ta help me set up (Marissa looks at her) please I need to make this up ta Kaitlin Marissa: fine (rolls eyes) Julie: ok thanks (kisses Marissa cheek) oh sorry about the sweat (wipes Marissa's cheek) (Marissa half smiles and rubs her cheek. Julie goes out of the room) Julie: (sings off screen) I am sixteen going on seventeen CUT TO: Cohen backyard - Ryan is sitting in the doorway by the pool reading. Kaitlin walks in the other door Kaitlin: knock knock Ryan: (looks up) hey Kaitlin: (picks up photo) hm you an Marissa, looks like the perfect couple (we see that it's an early photo of Ryan and Marissa together on the beach) you know people use'ta say that about her an Luke (Ryan stands and takes the photo from Kaitlin) Kaitlin: life's weird huh Ryan: yeah, what's up (puts photo back) Kaitlin: I need your advice, my moms throwing a party for me tonight, of course your invited (Ryan looks at her) but d'you think that Marissa would mind if I invited Johnny Ryan: no, why would she mind Kaitlin: well, she seemed a little weird when she saw us together last night, but there just friends so (frowns) why would it matter if we're hanging out if (raises eyebrows) there just friends Ryan: Kaitlin what're you tryin'a do Kaitlin: jus make everybody happy, I told you Ryan: cause it seems like your mad at Marissa an your (sighs) I don't know your lookin for a way to hurt her Kaitlin: what're you talking about, Marissa's my sister an I love her Ryan: then why don't you talk to her instead'a tryin'a stir something up (Kaitlin looks at him and blinks, Ryan raises his eyebrows at her) Kaitlin: you know I'm sad that you feel that way, but Johnny's my friend an I want him at my party (Ryan looks at her) its jus that look on her face when she saw us together, but I don't have'ta tell you about that do I (Ryan blinks) see ya tonight (Kaitlin leaves and Ryan stands there) CUT TO: Roberts' house - Julie and Kirsten are inside together preparing for the party. Julie is arranging flowers and Kirsten is doing something with a tray of food Julie: thank you so much for your help Kiki, god knows I have my talents cooking is not one of them Kirsten: well it was nice of Neil ta lend you his house Julie: (smiles) yes he is a gentleman Kirsten: is he (looks at Julie) Julie: Kirsten please, we've hardly had a real date we haven't even kissed Kirsten: but he offered his house for Kaitlin's birthday, id say that's a good sign Julie: it is a beautiful house, although I was thinking you could change out the marble in the entrance hall an some of the furniture- Kirsten: Julie (Julie looks at her) since you haven't kissed yet you might wanna hold off on the redecorating Julie: oooh yeah, jus making conversation Kirsten: (nods) should I take this out Julie: yeah, please (Kirsten leaves with the tray of food. Julie touches the flowers a little and then picks up a gorgeous silver tea pot and smiles) CUT TO: The pier - Sandy and Matt are at a stand getting Churros for themselves and Bill Sandy: here you go, Newport's finest Churro (holds one out to Bill) Bill: (smiles) thanks Sandy, I don't remember the last time I walked this much Sandy: well, the hospital would service a wide variety'a neighbourhoods I wanted you to get a sense of that Bill: (nods, eating Churro) mission accomplished Sandy: an I told you how the free clinic might operate Bill: twice, but if you don't mind I think I need a little break from the hospital (Bill walks away, Matt goes over to Sandy) Sandy: alright (Matt looks) we're losin him (nods) let's do it your way Matt: yeah, you sure Sandy: the truth is the tour worked more on me than it did on him, I'm not gonna rob this community of somethin it needs just...just so I can sleep easier, so come on, Bill (Bill looks at him) its almost dinner time, where would you like to go CUT TO: Roberts' backyard - we see Kaitlin swimming underwater in the pool. with the black bikini she is wearing it borders on sexy Kaitlin: (surfaces) Marissa you should come in, the waters great (we can now see that Marissa is putting out food near the pool) Marissa: yeah id love to but I'm helping set up for your party Kaitlin: an I'm so grateful (Kaitlin gets out of the pool. Marissa watches her) Julie: (calls) Marissa, Kaitlin look whose here (points to Neil behind her) Marissa: (waves) hi Dr. Roberts Neil: hey Marissa (Kaitlin wraps a towel around herself) Julie: Kaitlin, don't you think you should say thank you for Dr. Roberts' hospitality Kaitlin: oh (smiles) thank you so much for letting me use your house for my party Neil: you are so welcome (Johnny comes out) Kaitlin: Johnny (goes over, drops towel) you came (hugs Johnny) (Marissa walks by with a bunch of balloons) Julie: oh my little girl is growing up Marissa: yeah an she wants everyone ta see it too (Neil smiles) Kaitlin: oh mom this is Johnny Julie: of course (points) this is Dr. Roberts, this is his house Neil: hey Johnny (shakes Johnny's hand) Johnny: nice to meet you, hey Marissa Marissa: (fixing balloons) hi Kaitlin: oh look I got you all wet (rubs towel on Johnny's chest) I'm sorry Marissa: (looks at Kaitlin) I'm gonna go uh see if Kirsten (points) needs help (Marissa leaves. Julie looks at Neil. Neil has a half smile) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - the sht we first see is of his open window from the outside. we see smoke rising, the sht then changes and we can see that Seth is sitting against his wall under the window smoking a joint. he is looking very out of it. we hear a knock and Seth kind of comes out of his daydream Seth: come, ooh Ryan: (off screen, calls) Seth Seth: yes Ryan: hey man Seth: yes (we hear more knocking. Seth puts the joint out in an ashtray next to him on the floor) Seth: co-, gees man I'm (laughs) com- Ryan: (off screen) something's blocking the door Seth: ok (laughs) jus calm down (picks up ashtray and stands) I gotta get in right now, I'm coming I got (puts ashtray down on the desk and picks up air freshener) gotta do somethin real (covers ashtray with a book, softly) yeah that's perfect (Seth sprays the air freshener liberally around himself) Ryan: (off screen) what's that Seth: (puts can down) ok, god listen hey man (moves towel) I'm sorry there was a there was a (opens door) laundry build up right there, gees Ryan: well it's-it's it's almost three thirty isn't your interview at four Seth: what're you talking about (looks away) hey how'd that happen Ryan: well are you ready Seth: am I ready (Ryan nods) do me a favour (holds out arm) go ahead an feel that (rubs arm) feel that puppy right there Ryan: no no no I'm no, I'm not gonna Seth: ok, you don't wanna touch another man, I get it (Ryan frowns and sniffs the air) I get it, you find my slender swimmers body (sits on the bed) um intimidating Ryan: something smells Seth: (closes eyes) no it doesn't, no it doesn't but (puts his hand on his chin) they say the first sign of um a brain tumour is uh phantom smells so you should lie down (Ryan smells the air freshener) hey, hey (points, nods) you solved it you figured it out that's, your a mystery solver your like encyclopedia Brown (Ryan frowns) remember encyclopedia Brown, he went on down to Texas (Ryan looks at him then away) ta solve the mystery of the (touches chin) great sh**t out hey how bout this for a change (Ryan sniffs more) how bout in a cage match encyclopedia Brown versus the great brain (looks at Ryan completely straight faced) ta the death Ryan: (looks at Seth) are you high Seth: (frowns, tries to be serious but ends up laughing) am I high, no, no come on man I love when you go for the comedy(Ryan looks at Seth and goes over to the desk) but I would not quit your day job beatin up uh people (Ryan moves the book off of the ashtray) Seth: I would (Ryan takes the ashtray with 2 joins in it over to Seth) Seth: (completely serious) I don't know how that got there (Seth looks up at Ryan, Ryan looks at him skeptically, lol. I just have to say Adam did an amazing job in this scene, I was lmao from the serious faces alone!) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer is in the hall, her cell phone rings Summer: (answers) hello (we now see Ryan on the phone heading into the pool house with a coffee in one hand. we can also hear the shower running in the background) Ryan: hey Summer, are you at the interview yet Summer: um yeah, I'm about to go in Ryan: can you stretch yours out a little bit, Seth's gonna be late Summer: sure, what happened Ryan: uh I jus need'a bring him down ta earth a little, we'll be there as soon as we can ok Summer: ok, bye (hangs up) Ryan: (calls) Seth, hey man, got some coffee for ya, I want you to drink it ok Seth: (off screen) dude I am not stoned anymore Ryan: ok then uh why're you in my shower (the bathroom door opens and Ryan looks away quickly while handing Seth the coffee) Seth: whoa, how'd that happen Ryan: jus drink the coffee (shuts the door, looks away) (the next thing we see is Ryan pushing Seth in the hall at Harbor. Seth has his hands out sort of leaning back and Ryan has a hand on Seth's back pushing him forward. lol) Seth: dude alright I'm fine (Ryan sighs) the guys gonna think I'm Rupert the monkey boy Ryan: how long ya been doin this man Seth: ugh, god, its pot (moves away from Ryan so he's not supporting him anymore) Seth: aren't you over reacting a little bit Ryan: you were doing it alone an in secret it's a little bit different Seth: well this is the first time I swear Ryan: (raises eyebrows) an this is really just stress about leavin Seth: two years ago this miracle happened to me ok, you showed up an Summer started talking to me an my life changed (Ryan listens) an id be leavin that for some place new an (shrugs) it'd jus be really easy for things to go back to the way they were an I jus I cant do that Ryan: it wasn't a miracle (motions) your the one who got up on that coffee cart an told Summer you loved her (Seth looks down) you've changed I mean your gonna be fine wherever you go (Seth looks at him) now, tell me you weren't (screws up face) stupid enough to buy pot down at the pier cause you know half those guys are narcs right Seth: no it was nothin like that uh (Summer comes out of the interview) hey don't get her in trouble with Marissa but actually (softly) I got it from Kaitlin (Ryan looks at him) Summer: (softly) thank god (Ryan & Seth look) you guys d'you realise I have been in there (folds arms) for an hour an a half what took you so long Ryan: he jus needed to calm down (Summer frowns) why don't you head on in an just meet us at Summers when you're done Summer: yeah Seth: ok (Ryan touches his arm comfortingly) Summer: no pressure (Seth goes to kiss Summer but she keeps walking) but if you mess it up our future together is ruined (Ryan and Summer leave. Seth slowly walks towards the door but you guessed it, just before he is there he turns around and leaves. we then see the Brown guy in the room by himself) CUT TO: Roberts' backyard - now completely decorated for Kaitlin's party. we see balloons tied to a table full of presents, then we see a couple of random kids playing ball in the pool. some girls walking around. a couple of boys near a table. another kid near the drinks table by himself and then one of the boys in the pool hits the ball in the direction of Julie and Neil's table. Neil catches it and throws it back. we then see Johnny sitting on a pool lounge and Kaitlin is sitting with him. Marissa is sitting on the side of the hot tub by herself looking bored. Summer and Ryan walk over Ryan: hey Marissa: (smiles, stands) people I know (hugs Summer) hi (sits) after Kirsten left I had no one ta talk to (looks over at Johnny & Kaitlin) Summer: this is a good turn out though Marissa: yeah well my mom invited Kaitlin's old riding club (Summer nods) she probably shouldnt'a bothered Neil: Summer Summer: oh, scuse me you guys Ryan: yeah (Summer goes over to Julie and Neil) Neil: sweetheart how'd your interview go Summer: it went great (Ryan sits down next to Marissa) Ryan: you alright (Marissa watches as Kaitlin leads Johnny inside by the hand) Marissa: (looks at Ryan) yeah well, remember when I said I wanted to get to know Kaitlin (Ryan nods) be careful what you wish for Ryan: in that case there's uh something I should tell you about her an Seth (we now see the inside of Summers bedroom. Kaitlin comes in followed by Johnny. Kaitlin shuts the door) Johnny: uh, what're we doing here Kaitlin: I told you (sits on the bed) looking for my presents Johnny: your presents (rubs head) are all downstairs Kaitlin: (looks at Johnny, shakes head) not all of them Johnny: Kaitlin look I told you (looks away) Kaitlin: that your seventeen an that I'm fourteen, but I'm not fourteen anymore, remember Johnny: ok but look someone could come in we should jus Kaitlin: you wanna lock the door, what're you planning on doing to me (leans back on her arms, smiles) Johnny: very funny Kaitlin: or is it that your afraid that Marissa will come in (Johnny looks at her) she sees you with her little sister an then you really don't have a chance Johnny: what're you talking about Kaitlin: look (stands) you said that you liked me, an now we're only two years apart (Johnny looks at her) so unless there's something else Johnny: I'm not interested in Marissa alright Kaitlin: then prove it, one birthday kiss (smiles) (Johnny looks at Kaitlin and Kaitlin leans in and kisses him) Kaitlin: you know I think we'd better get back to the party (Kaitlin smiles and walks passed him, Johnny laughs a little - the next thing we see is Marissa looking for Kaitlin and Ryan with her) Marissa: you can't stop me, I've let this go far enough Ryan: (sighs, holds Marissa's arm) listen Marissa look I know you need to talk to her but it's your sister it's still her birthday party (Seth comes over. he looks higher than before) Seth: hey (Ryan & Marissa look) I'm back, from (points) my interview for Brown, which I went to (nods) Ryan: ok (Marissa glares at Seth with her hand on her hip) Seth: you told her didn't you, ok first of all (shakes head) don't blame Kaitlin (Kaitlin and Johnny come down the stairs) Kaitlin: fat chance of that Marissa: (looks at Kaitlin) where have you ben Kaitlin: oh Johnny gave me my present (smiles) (Ryan and Marissa both look away. Marissa follows them Kaitlin and Johnny. Ryan looks at Seth about to say something) Seth: (brings finger to mouth, closes eyes) shhhhh (Ryan leaves. Seth opens his eyes with a straight face) CUT TO: Matt's apartment - Sandy is making some drinks while Matt, Bill and a few girls that Matt knows are sitting together. Matt goes over to Sandy Matt: so (raises eyebrows) looks like Lilly an Bill are hittin it off Sandy: yeah I balked at takin him out to dinner but I'm totally cool about turnin your apartment into the Playboy ground hall? Bill (hands Bill drink) here you go Bill: thanks Sandy Sandy: (to Lilly) dry martini for you Lilly Bill: I gotta tell ya I'm glad I didn't go home Lilly: (smiles) so am I Sandy: well this may not seem fair but I think I'm gonna have'ta talk to you a little bit more about the hospital Bill: Sandy that won't be necessary (to the girls) excuse me, please (Sandy and Bill move away from the girls) Bill: I'm in Sandy: (suprised) your in Bill: honestly I didn't see the difference between the proposals (Sandy looks at him) your tryin'a take care'a me the least I can do is take care'a you, I mean that's business huh (picks up drinks) Caleb would'a been proud Bill: (in the background) a martini, an scotch for the lady (Matt goes over to Sandy) Matt: so what'did he say Sandy: we got the hospital Matt: really Sandy: really Matt: Sandy (touches Sandys arm) that's amazing (Sandy looks as though he's torn between being happy for the result, or being mad at himself for doing business like Caleb) Bill: (in the background) so where do we go to have fun around here (the girls laugh. Sandy cringes and drinks) CUT TO: Roberts house - Kaitlin and Johnny are walking down the front stairs. Marissa comes out the front door Marissa: where are you going Kaitlin: leaving, would you tell mom Marissa: your leaving your own birthday party (Kaitlin looks away) (to Johnny) I need to talk to my sister Johnny: listen Marissa Marissa: look I really don't feel like hearing it right now (Johnny nods and walks away) Marissa: (moves closer to Kaitlin) what's wrong with you Kaitlin: heeere we go Marissa: Kaitlin, you gave Seth pot, you stole money from a fraternity I don't even know who you are anymore Kaitlin: d'you wanna jus spare me the concerned sister bit, we both know this is about Johnny Marissa: ...you don't know what you're talking about Kaitlin: look Marissa anyone can tell that you like him, you don't think Ryan can Marissa: I love Ryan Kaitlin: yeah you love Ryan you guys are soul mates blah blah blah, it doesn't mean that you don't like Johnny Marissa: I don't (raises eyebrows) Kaitlin: really, well then you wouldn't mind that I just made out with him upstairs (Marissa is stunned) yeah, you may not know me but I do know you (Marissa looks at Kaitlin, shocked. we hear the car start and Kaitlin walks away. Marissa stands there as they drive away - inside Ryan goes over to Marissa) Ryan: hey there you are, you alright Marissa: no, it's Kaitlin (Julie and Neil are in the same room over at the bar with the birthday cake) Julie: hey Marissa honey where's Kaitlin (points) its time for the cake Marissa: she's gone Julie: what, what'do you mean she's gone, of course she's not gone I mean she wouldn't jus leave her own party (Neil watches) Marissa: yeah well we got into a fight Julie: (looks at Marissa) you got in a fight at her birthday party, what about Marissa: (upset) look uh I don't wanna go into it ok Julie: how could you do this to your little sister Marissa (Marissa scoffs, Ryan frowns) d'you even know what she's been through being away for so long, this was a very important birthday for her for all of us Marissa: look mom no offense but I don't think a party's really gonna fix this family (Neil looks down) Julie: excuse me (Marissa looks over at Neil and then Julie) Marissa: (sighs) you know I should jus go ok I'm sorry I'm (waves) bye Dr. Roberts Ryan: ill take you home Marissa: no I...I wanna walk, I need the fresh air &	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x13 - The Pot Stirrer"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - The pool house, dawn - Sandy comes into the pool house dressed in a robe, very flustered. the sun is just coming up Sandy: Ryan, Ryan (shakes Ryan's body gently) c'mon wake up (we see Ryan curled up on the bed under the covers, he stirs a little) Ryan: hey, what's wrong Sandy: Seth is gone Ryan: (sits up on his elbows, frowns) what, he's gone Sandy: yeah, yeah his alarm went off I went inta his room his bed is empty Ryan: uhhh calc exam Sandy: calc exam (raises eyebrows) Ryan: yeah, yeah yeah um he probably jus (screws up face) went in early to school, cram for it Sandy: yeah well I'm gonna drive over there to make sure Ryan: no-no-no-no-no (pushes covers away) no ill go, ill go, I gotta get to school early anyway (sits around) Sandy: if there was anything going on with Seth, anything I should know (Ryan looks at him) you would tell me right Ryan: (sniffs, nods) yeah, ill call you uh when I find him (Sandy looks at Ryan then looks around the pool house helplessly before leaving) CUT TO: The Pier - we see Seth leaning on the railing looking out at the water, Ryan walks up to him Ryan: hey man (Seth looks) so uh Sandy noticed you were gone, he's worried Seth: jus takin in the sunrise Ryan Ryan: eh that's what they got windows for Seth: so I wanted to be alone are you the only one in this family that's allowed to brood Ryan: (sighs) man whatever it is you can tell me Seth: (looks at Ryan then down) my Brown interview did not go...so well, actually it didn't go at all Ryan: (looks at Seth) blew it off Seth: (nods, looks down) yep, an then to put the cherry on top'a that I went ahead an lied to Summer about it Ryan: (nods, looks down) right (raises eyebrows) well, I don't know talk to her Seth: yeah its jus Summer was over pot by the tenth grade an (shrugs) she thinks it's totally juvenile, it'd be like telling her I'm inta Beanie Babies Ryan: well, you know at least tell her that you missed the interview, you do that an-an ill keep quiet about the rest of it Seth: we're dangerously close to an after school special here Ryan, its marijuana an I did it twice Ryan: so you're telling me you didn't come down here to buy a bag (Ryan looks at Seth, Seth looks at Ryan then looks away. Ryan looks at Seth and Seth scratches the side of his head) Seth: fine I wasn't gonna smoke anymore anyways Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Wayside trailer park - Kaitlin has the bottoms of a bikini in her hand and Marissa comes in Marissa: what're you doing (sits) Kaitlin: tryin'a decide on a bathing suit, d'you think tnk are over Marissa: you're going swimming Kaitlin: no, Johnny's taking me for a surf lesson (Marissa looks at her, shocked) he says the waves are always best in the morning Marissa: (smiles, nods) that's what I hear Kaitlin: look, I know that you're mad about me an Johnny (looks at Marissa) Marissa: I'm not mad, do I look mad Kaitlin: ok we may not be BFF's but you're my sister an I can tell when you're mad Marissa: (looks at Kaitlin) Kaitlin, look in my eyes (points) I don't care about you an Johnny (Marissa goes outside and Kaitlin follows her) Kaitlin: you have a boyfriend, so Johnny Harpers fair game right Marissa: (stops, looks at Kaitlin) I'm not talking about this Kaitlin: (moves closer) can you honestly tell me you have no feelings for him (we see Johnny come around the corner, a little away from where Marissa and Kaitlin are. Marissa looks at Kaitlin but doesn't say anything Kaitlin: that's what I thought (to Johnny) hey, you're right on time (Marissa shakes her head then looks at Johnny) Johnny: sorry I didn't mean to (Kaitlin looks at Marissa) walk in on anything (Marissa looks away) Kaitlin: no problem, you ready ta surf Marissa: uh I gotta go, enjoy the beach (small wave) (Johnny watches Marissa leave and then looks at Kaitlin who has a big smile on her face) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten and Julie are sitting at the kitchen table together. Kirsten has a New Match profile in her hand Kirsten: (reads) Katie Rubel, thirty nine, single, loves tennis loves working out, do we have anyone for her (Julie doesn't seem to be paying attention, she has her chin in her hand and is almost daydreaming) Julie: I say she dies alone Kirsten: (looks at Julie) Julie! Julie: (sighs) I'm sorry I jus can't focus on fixing other peoples love lives when my own is such a mess Kirsten: Dr. Roberts will call you (smiles) or if you want you could call him (drinks coffee) Julie: (rolls eyes, stands) I know you've been married for like two hundred years but you must remember something about dating Kirsten: well I hope so or I'm in the wrong business (Julie pours herself more coffee) maybe that's the answer, pitch Dr. Roberts the dating service (nods) set him up Julie: set him up (frowns) are you high Kirsten: no I'm serious, then you'll be back on his radar (shrugs) an it won't seem like your pursuing him Julie: (thinks, gasps) I like it, I'm aloof but thoughtful Kirsten: an when he's confronted with the idea of dating these Newpsies Julie: half of whom he's botoxed himself (sits) Kirsten: he will realise that the only woman he wants is you (Julie smiles) an he will call you for dinner Julie: ill suggest Al Fornos, a table by the window (Kirsten looks at her) I'm impressed, your sneakier than I thought (squints) Kirsten Cohen Kirsten: well, being around you all these years, it's rubbed off (Julie smiles almost proudly) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer is sitting cross legged on a bench amongst some trees, it looks really peaceful actually. Seth walks over Seth: hey Summer: (looks up) hey Cohen, hey did you write your thank you note yet to the Brown interviewer Seth: (sits, frowns) no actually that's...somethin I wanted to talk to you about Summer: oh well you came to the right person, because I am master (points to herself with a pen) of the thank you note Seth: oh (raises eyebrows) Summer: listen to this (Seth nods) thank you so much for the (looks at Seth) resplendent (raises eyebrows) interview Seth: (looks at Summer) resplendent Summer: yeah (picks up thesaurus) I bought a thesaurus, Shelley loves SAT words (makes a "go figure" expression) Seth: hey I didn't know you two were on a first name basis Summer: oh yeah we totally power bonded which means I may actually have a chance at getting inta Brown, d'you know what that means (Seth looks at her) no calling, no texting, no emailing just us together isn't that great Seth: (smiles, nods, softly) yeah Summer: ok so tell me how did your interview really go (frowns) d'you think you aced it Seth: (thinks)...I knocked it outta the park (nods) Summer: (happy) really Seth: yeah, yeah an it wasn't easy believe me but you know (Summer nods) I turned on the Cohen charm as usual (Summer laughs) an...the lady swooned Summer: (laugh/smile gone, looks down) Cohen Seth: yeah Summer: (looks at Seth) Shelley's a guy Seth: (speechless) is it because (nods, closes eyes) yes yes your- I'm sorry, correct (Summer frowns) but with a feminine energy I don't know I got a gay vibe I'm gender blind that's the thing (looks at Summer) an that's somethin that I'm gonna have'ta work on at Brown, next year when we go together (holds up hand for a high five) when we go together (hits Summers leg) ok I'm gonna see you later (stands) I gotta go Summer: (closes eye, annoyed) Cohen Seth: we'll talk after school (leaves) (Summer tries to say something but she cant, she just lets him leave - inside the student lounge Marissa is sitting by herself studying something thick, she looks up briefly and Ryan walks passed with coffee) Marissa: (takes coffee) wow somebody was really craving caffeine Ryan: oh yeah (flops into chair) could barely keep my eyes open ooooh early morning wake up call courtesy of Seth Marissa: oh has he told Summer yet Ryan: no an he's not going to by the way I promised (frowns) that um we'd keep quiet about it as long as he told her about the interview Marissa: oh I was looking forward ta Summer bitch slapping Kaitlin for giving Seth pot...guess she's jus gonna get away with it like always Ryan: maybe thatt's for the best (frowns) I mean she screwed up but she's still pretty much a kid so Marissa: (nods) yeah, but with my moms DNA, which means she's capable (squints) of more than you think (looks at Ryan) Ryan: um (looks away then at Marissa) are we...still talking about Seth Marissa: this is just sister stuff (Ryan looks at her skeptically) (sighs) you know I should probably get to class (Ryan frowns) ill see ya later Ryan: ok (Marissa leaves and Ryan watches her from the corner of his eye) Ryan: (to himself) its just sister stuff... CUT TO: The beach - we see Kaitlin on top of a surfboard on the sand "paddling" with her arms. Johnny is standing next to her Johnny: ok let's practice your pop up one more time Kaitlin: (leans up) look when you told me you were gonna give me a surfing lesson I (looks towards the water then back at Johnny) kind of imagined us in the water Johnny: no, no (crouches) first lessons always on sand Kaitlin: (sits up) as long as we're skippin the water part, why don't we jus do this back at your place (Johnny looks at her) or we could jus blow the whole thing off, rent a movie, order in pancakes Johnny: I thought you said you wanted to learn how to surf Kaitlin: I'm not training for the Olympics (raises eyebrows) ok Johnny: (sits down) I'm sorry, I'm jus distracted Kaitlin: (nods) thinking about Marissa (Johnny looks at her) story of my life, I like a guy he's in love with my older sister Johnny: look, Marissa an I have a history together alright its...just complicated (looks down) Kaitlin: (matter of factly) un-complicate it, do something Johnny: I can't do anything, it's not my place Kaitlin: if you're too lame to do something (stands) ill jus find somebody who will (Kaitlin leaves .Johnny stays on the sand) CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy and Matt are there together discussing the hospital Sandy: I thought this was a done deal, Merriam already gave us the hospital contract Matt: he did, an now he has'ta present it to the board of physicians, cant have a hospital without doctors, like it or not they got a say Sandy: right, now we have'ta ply more people with women an liquor Matt: (sits) I don't think that's gonna work, these guys are doctors not businessmen Sandy: then we got that in common, call it willful naivety, call it bleary eyed optimism Matt: you think we've got a sht Sandy: yeah, there's over a hundred thousand uninsured that live in Orange County, there's got to be some angle we can find to make that land on these guys Matt: ...well there is (Sandy listens, pacing) the head of the board Henry Griffin, turns out we have a...a personal connection Sandy: (looks at Matt) well now there's a shocking turn of events Matt: it's his daughter Mia Sandy: she's a stripper too Matt: (smiles) no she was a year ahead'a me at Kellogg, now she's one of its most trusted advisors, an she use'ta have a thing for me Sandy: (looks at Matt) well who could blame her (Matt half smiles) so now you wanna wine an dine her (Matt looks down) use her affection for you to manipulate her father Matt: listen it's no worse than the strippers we got for Bill Merriam Sandy: (frowns) oh I don't know, I draw the line at family Matt, how bout this, how bout we find a strategy (raises eyebrows) that doesn't involve liquor...or sexual favours CUT TO: Roberts' living room - Neil is sitting on the couch reading a medical book. the maid comes in with Julie Julie: thank you, I mean Gracias Neil: (looks) Julie (stands) Julie: hi (smiles) uh your receptionist told me you'd be home today (Neil takes off his glasses) so I thought id come by an personally thank you for hosting Kaitlin's birthday party, and as a token of my appreciation (Julie smiles and holds out the New Match folder, Neil puts his glasses back on and looks at the cover. it's a white folder with New written in black curly writing, the M of match is a red heart and the atch is the same font as new. underneath that is Bachelorettes of Newport in smaller print) Neil: bachelorettes of Newport (looks at Julie) you wanna set me up Julie: w- unless...you don't wanna be set up Neil: (takes off glasses, folds arms) well I hadn't really thought about it Julie: because I can totally understand (frowns) if a blind date seems like too much Neil: huh...lets see what you have there (Julie smiles and almost reluctantly hands the folder back to Neil. Neil puts his glasses back on and sits down) Neil: (reads) New Match, wow, she's pretty Julie: (sits near Neil) mm pear shaped (looks at Neil) but pretty Neil: (turns page) oooh look at her, nice...smile Julie: yeah (nods) adult braces Neil: ahh (turns page) Julie all of these women look fantastic (Julie looks at him) its going'ta take me a while to choose one, mind if I get back to you (Julie smiles as if to say "sure" but you can tell she's disappointed) CUT TO: The pool house - we see a pair of feet impatiently tapping on a foot stool. in the background Ryan comes up the outside stairs and stops when he sees who it is, he rubs his eyes and then keeps walking. Kaitlin is sitting in a chair watching him Kaitlin: finally, your home, what'd you do take the scenic route Ryan: (throws jacket on the bed) sorry I didn't know you were waitin for me (puts bag down) Kaitlin: well (gets up from the chair) I jus...get kinda lonely while you guys are all at school Ryan: yeah speakin of school (frowns) shouldn't you be goin back to yours soon Kaitlin: how many times do I have'ta tell you guys, it's called mid winter break (raises eyebrows, smiles) its long Ryan: (nods) apparently Kaitlin: look I wanna talk to you about Marissa (Ryan looks at her) this whole Johnny triangle we're all trapped in Ryan: triangle Kaitlin: well, now that I'm here (frowns) it's more like a square (Ryan looks at her, clearly not amused) oh anyway see I like him an I'm not getting anywhere because he thinks he's got a chance with Marissa (raises eyebrows) Ryan: well (sighs) not that that's any of your business but it's not the case Kaitlin: I don't know, see, today I asked her if she had feelings for him, point blank (Ryan looks at her) she didn't deny it (Ryan looks at Kaitlin, Kaitlin looks at him) Ryan: (nods, had enough) well thanks for the heads up (touches Kaitlin's shoulder) I think Marissa an I can handle it ourselves so, if you jus wanna (points to the open doors) Kaitlin: Ryan I want you to do something about it (Ryan puts his hands on his hips) I mean you're a man of action, you throw punches, set fires (Ryan folds his arms) at least that's the guy I remember from two years ago Ryan: m we've all grown up since then (smiles) Kaitlin: so your reformed now, congratulations, it doesn't mean you still can't talk to her Ryan: (sighs) so you can hook up with Johnny Kaitlin: you get something out of it too (Ryan looks at her) you gett'a find out where you stand, once (raises eyebrows) an for all (Kaitlin leaves and Ryan looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: The diner - Marissa is sitting in a booth by herself drinking coffee, then we see Ryan come in and sit opposite her Marissa: Ryan hey, is everything ok (worried) cause...you sounded really weird on the phone Ryan: I need to know how you feel about Johnny Marissa: (looks down) so I take it Kaitlin paid you a visit Ryan: this isn't about Kaitlin, we both know this was an issue long before she showed up (looks at Marissa) Marissa: (looks at Ryan) I'm with you Ryan: (sighs) but that's not the whole story is it (Marissa looks at him wide eyed) look (closes eyes, opens them) maybe...you jus feel sorry for him or...maybe sometimes you didn't think you could talk to me (Marissa looks away) or I wasn't listening (Marissa looks down) or maybe your in love with him (Marissa looks at him) either way you gotta figure it out an until then I...I don't wanna see you (Marissa looks at him shocked. Ryan looks at her, he means it) Marissa: (blinks) look I know things have been confusing (Ryan looks away and then leaves. he really doesn't want to hear it anymore, aww. Marissa looks away sadly) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Seth is sitting at the end of the counter with a coffee and Ryan comes in from outside Seth: hey, morning Ryan: hm (goes to the fridge) Seth: oh no, the Atwood grunt that's never a good sign, whats'a matter, I'm gonna guess Marissa or Johnny (raises eyebrows) or maybe...Kaitlin, I'm gonna say probably a combo platter Ryan: I think Marissa an I are on thin ice Seth: ooooh Ryan: (pours cereal) yeah, she needs to figure out her relationship with Johnny pronto Seth: she's uh got good taste in people I'm sure she'll do the right thing Ryan: (sits next to Seth) speaking of the right thing (sighs) Seth: um...I tried to talk to Summer Ryan: and Seth: I chickened out (Ryan listens) which is kinda my go to move these days but I'm gonna take care of it an I'm rescheduling (raises eyebrows) the interview Ryan: (looks at Seth) think there gonna let you take it again after you blew the first one off Seth: well for the first one I had an epileptic fit an there was a three car pileup on the freeway with a jack knifed trailer truck so (makes a "there you go" noise") (Ryan looks at him) d- a- alright ill work on my excuse Ryan: I think that's a good idea (eats) CUT TO: The trailer - Marissa is sitting in a chair reading. Julie is cooking something on the stove and she doesn't look thrilled with it. Kaitlin comes out Julie: Kaitlin, your up I was jus making some grits Kaitlin: ok (sits) mom, we get it (motions with hand) we live in a trailer park there is no need ta go overboard Julie: Marissa you want some (smiles) Marissa: (looks) I'm not hungry (Kaitlin looks from Marissa to Julie) Julie: fine, ill go see if Gus likes these, I mean he does eat pigeons after all, be right back (leaves) Kaitlin: id kll for some apple jacks, d'you think we have any Marissa: (sits forward) Kaitlin, you had no right to talk Ryan about my relationship with Johnny, it's none of your business Kaitlin: I was jus sharing my opinion Marissa: (frowns) what'did I ever do to you (Kaitlin looks at her) I mean I know mom ignores you an dad left Kaitlin: ok let's not turn this inta family therapy Marissa: ok then let's not pretend (shrugs) this is all about Johnny Kaitlin: what else would this be about Marissa: come on your doing this ta punish me (Kaitlin looks away) you know I was actually happy when you came home (picks up bag) I thought we were gonna be friends again (stands) but now I jus cant wait for you to leave (leaves) (Kaitlin looks over at the door and we hear an almost slam) CUT TO: Harbor school - we see Seth come out of a door and into the hall, he then goes out of the sht and we see Summer walking down the hall. she notices Seth walking away and then looks over at the door he came out of. the next thing we see is Summer going into a room where a woman already is W: Summer, I just got off the phone with Mr. Spibey from Brown, looks like you've got a fan Summer: (suprised) oh great, you know I was actually jus curious did he mention how it went with Seth W: (looks at Summer) Seth Cohen Summer: yeah you know gangly, mop head, barely has an ass W: right um unfortunately Seth missed his (nods) interview Summer: (stunned) what W: he was a no show, he was just in here explaining the situation (shakes head) something about a tractor trailer accident Summer: (to herself) oh my god that little bitch W: excuse me (puts hand on hip) Summer: I'm sorry, thank you for your help (leaves) CUT TO: Cohen house - we see Julie come in the front door. we then see that Kirsten is sitting on the living room couch looking at some papers Julie: well (Kirsten looks up) I finally heard from Dr. Roberts (smiles) Kirsten: that's great (Julie looks at her) or not... Julie: he had me set him up with Laura Cross, they'll be eating at Al Fornos (sits) a table by the window Kirsten: (closes eyes) oh Julie I'm sorry Julie: ah, well its my own fault (looks at Kirsten) I let you do the scheming (Kirsten looks away) clearly not your wheel house, from now on if someone needs to be manipulated, we put me in charge! Kirsten: fair enough (Julie looks at her) Laura Cross I-I I don't know her Julie: (melodramatically) well she'll probably marry him an enjoy a life of free brow lifts (raises eyebrows) (Kirsten looks at her) anyway, I am going to get to know her an find out what I'm up against Kirsten: (smiles, shakes head) don't tell me your gonna spy on them Julie: I tried taking your (points) advice Kiki (stands) an quite frankly it sucked (looks at Kirsten) from now on we do things the Julie Cooper way (leaves) Kirsten: Julie Cooper be careful CUT TO: Johnny's bedroom - Johnny is lying on his bed and Dennis is sitting on a desk chair in front of the bed Dennis: I see we have a problem Johnny: Chili man I'm fine alright, I'm jus Dennis: in love with Marissa Cooper (Johnny looks at him) (sighs) my friend in all my years of loving ladies an getting nothing in return I have never been this bad off as you Johnny: thanks man it makes me feel alot better Dennis: (points from nose to Johnny) normally (stands) I would advise you to go cold turkey, delete her number from your cell, spam block her emails an jus hope the obsession passes (sits on the bed) but I see that you, are in deeper than this Johnny: so what'do I do Dennis: take a sht (looks at Johnny) that way even if she rejects you at least you know you tried Johnny: (sits up) yeah an...an there's always the chance that she feels the same way right (hopeful) Dennis: reasons abound (holds hands out encouragingly) the point is you owe it to yourself to at least know whether or not she likes you (Johnny nods, thinking) CUT TO: NB Yacht Club - Sandy and Kirsten are sitting at a table together about to order. Sandy looks distracted Kirsten: you could have a drink tonight Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) are you sure Kirsten: well, you've had a tough day (Sandy nods and then stops suddenly) Sandy: so has Matt (we see Matt walking over to the bar) Sandy: looks like he's come here ta drown his sorrows Kirsten: (looks) ooh, well you should ask him to join us if he's all by himself (Sandy puts his hand in the air to get Matt's attention then stops. we see what he is seeing. Matt stands up and a gorgoeus young woman joins him) Sandy: or not Kirsten: (looks) oh, that's Mia Griffin (Sandy looks at her shocked) OC weekly jus did a profile on her, apparently she is an up an coming Newpsie...wow I have too much time on my hands Sandy: well if she's the new queen (nods) she's still got alot to learn Kirsten: well why wouldn't she date him, he's young an attractive (looks over) Sandy: he's using her (Kirsten looks at him) her fathers the head'a the board Kirsten: are you gonna talk to him (Sandy looks over at Matt and Mia, they are talking and appear to be having a good time) Sandy: tomorrow (raises eyebrows) tonight I'm out with my lovely, beautiful morally uncompromised wife Kirsten: (smiles) we could go ta the Crab Shack, pick up something to go Sandy: (happily suprised) sand dabs are in season (raises eyebrows) genius (Sandy and Kirsten stand. we see one last sht of Matt and Mia together) CUT TO: The pier - Johnny is looking out at the water by himself and Marissa walks up Marissa: hey Johnny: (looks) hey, thanks for meeting me Marissa: yeah (looks down) I wanted to talk to you too (looks at Johnny) things have been really- Johnny: (nods) really weird between us, I know um that's jus why I wanted to get everything out in the open Marissa: Johnny I don't know if now's the time to bare your soul- Johnny: I love you (Marissa closes her eyes) an I think you love me too Marissa: Johnny Johnny: look, ok look what's happened between us, I mean I-I got hurt an you took care of me, even when I begged you not to Marissa: I know (nods) that's- that's true but- Johnny: I told you to stay away from me an you showed up at my house (Marissa looks at him) I'm not imagining this ok, there's something real between us, that's why ? ? walk away (Marissa looks down then at Johnny) look...you don't have'ta say anything right now ok, jus you know think about it (Marissa looks at Johnny. Johnny looks at her and then leaves. Marissa looks out at the water) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen, next morning - Kirsten and Sandy are sitting at the end of the counter together sharing the paper. Ryan comes in Ryan: (off screen) morning Sandy: (looks) morning Kirsten: (looks) hi Ryan (motions) feel like a bagel Ryan: I do, thank you (takes bagel) Sandy: ahh there's my son (we see Seth walk into the kitchen. he looks a bit down, he gives a small wave but doesn't say anything) Sandy: how are you Seth: good, do we have poppy, oh, great (takes bagel) Sandy: (looks at Seth) how are you really Seth: uhh (Ryan looks at Seth) I'm really fine dad, how are you Sandy: (nods) I'm good, I'm good jus makin sure your stayin afloat, I know you got alotta stress, exams, college applications Seth: (looks down) yeah no not to worry its all under control (Ryan looks at him then down) Kirsten: oh hey Summer (smiles) (Sandy and Seth look over towards the arch and Summer comes in) Summer: hey (smiles) Sandy: you're just in time for breakfast Summer: oooh thanks Mr. C, actually I was wondering if I could talk to Seth (points) upstairs um possibly alone Seth: (looks at Summer) ok (Seth walks passed Summer. Summer turns to follow him and looks at Ryan briefly. Ryan frowns and Summer leaves .the next thing we see is a close up of Seth in his bedroom) Seth: alright so- (Summer slaps Seth on the forehead, Seth sort of falls back but manages to straighten up again) Seth: what the hell! Summer: you lied about your college interview an (hits Seth repeatedly, like a girly slap, through clenched teeth) I don't like liars Seth: I can explain Summer: (folds arms, looks at Seth) explain what, that you're pathological, that you invent stories about college interviews that never even happened Seth: (looks at Summer) you make it sound so bad Summer: Cohen, you are in a deceit spiral, an if you don't stop now you could turn inta one'a those creepy old men who have secret attics (raises eyebrows) where they hide stolen money an prn Seth: ok first of all that sounds awesome (Summer rolls her eyes) second of all could be worse (Summer puts her hands on her hips and looks at him as if to say "how could it possibly be worse") Seth: I got scared Summer: scared (confused) Seth: yeah...tongue tied uhh dizzy (sits on the bed) my bladder felt weak Summer: I just wanna know why you didn't tell me... Seth: (looks down) because I was embarrassed (looks at Summer) you've got this natural confidence your small an your cute, people like you, I'm a social outcast with a mumbling problem... (puts head down sadly) (Summer smiles and sits next to Seth. she puts her arm around his neck) Summer: your jus realising this now Seth: well if we go to college together everybody's gonna love you an I'm gonna be your nerdy boyfriend Summer: (frowns) an I'm gonna be your not so bright girlfriend that cant keep up when everyone's talking about Yakuza films an proust Seth: (looks at Summer) its proost Summer: see, look (takes Seth's hand) we have'ta be honest with each other or this is never gonna work Seth: (looks down) ...I know your right Summer: so is there anything else you need to tell me, cause now's your chance just put it out on the table Seth: (looks at Summer)...no (shakes head) Summer: (smiles) ok, then you are officially exonerated (Seth raises his eyebrows impressed) thesaurus again Seth: oh (Summer nods, Seth smiles and they lean in to kiss each other, Seth kisses her first and Summer half laughs. Summer holds Seth's hand and taps it) Seth: (sighs) you wanna get down CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy is sitting at his desk in his office and Matt comes in Matt: hey (Sandy looks) I didn't know we were workin this weekend, I thought may you an i'd go ht the links Sandy: what, an ruin a sport I love (Matt laughs) it's the weekend so I'm gonna make this brief as I know how (Matt looks at him) I was at dinner last night with Kirsten at the Yacht Club, I saw you there (Matt sits) with Mia (looks at Matt) Matt: (sighs) Henry Griffin told Mia about meeting with me so she decided to get in touch Sandy: (raises eyebrows) she asked you to dinner Matt: (nods) she did (Sandy doesn't look convinced) why is it illegal to take a girl out to dinner Sandy: you know when Kirsten use'ta run this place...I saw alotta creeps in nice suits (Matt raises his eyebrows) that use'ta try to use her to get to her father, I didn't like it then (raises eyebrows, shakes head) an I don't like it now Matt: we're tryin'a build a hospital that could service a hundred thousand uninsured Sandy: your tryin'a use a daughter to manipulate her father, an your comfortable with that Matt: (looks down then at Sandy) look Sandy your a great guy...but maybe you don't have the stomach for this (leans forward) all I'm sayin is that we're gonna have'ta bend the rules if we wanna win a game Sandy: that'll look great on a bumper sticker (Matt looks up) I wanna see you on Monday (Matt stands) with a real game plan Matt: alright (Matt leaves and Sandy looks worried) CUT TO: The pool house - we see a blurry Ryan in the background and a hand knocking on the door way. Ryan is sitting at an architect style table and he looks over at Johnny Johnny: hey (smiles) (Ryan doesn't look happy to see Johnny but he turns to face him anyway) Johnny: um Kirsten let me in she seems really nice Ryan: what'do you want Johnny: (walks in, softly) um, look um (looks at Ryan) you've always been a really good guy to me, you know you've (Ryan closes his eyes then looks at him) helped me with Volchok an trust me with Marissa Ryan: an now you're in love with her Johnny: (looks at Ryan)...I told her (Ryan looks down) I-I promised myself I-I would just live with these feelings you know I...I wouldn't do anything about them but um...I jus can't do that anymore Ryan: ...what'do you want my blessing (closes eyes) Johnny: ...I guess I just...just wanted to say I'm sorry (nods) Ryan: (looks at Johnny) thanks for that...(swallows) leave - now (turns back to the table) (Johnny looks at Ryan for a second and then leaves) CUT TO: Al Fornos - we see Neil and Laura at a table together, talking Laura: well I'm passionately devoted to my work on the board of the children's museum, children are so important, don't you think (the camera has now zoomed out to show that Julie is sitting at the table near them, but with her back facing them, so we can see her face. well kind of, she has a "disguise" on, lol big black sunglasses, and a scarf covering most of her head. she's also on the phone Julie: (screws up face) ugh she's so phony (we now see that Kirsten is on the phone out in the backyard. we are seeing her through the kitchen window) Kirsten: well of course she is, she lives in Newport (Julie gasps and then we see what she is seeing, which is Taryn coming in) Julie: oh god may day, Taryn Baker just walked in Kirsten: well you better get outta there before she sees you (Taryn smiles and waves at Julie) Julie: oh too late (hangs up) hi Taryn Taryn: why are you all bundled up like that, has Newport been taken over by the Taliban Julie: (stands) id really love to stay an chat but I have'ta be going Taryn: (gasps) oh my goodness it's Laura Cross (Taryn goes over to Neil and Laura's table and takes Julie with her. Julie makes a face but still has her back to them) Taryn: Laura hi, it's me Taryn from orchard club Laura: (looks) oh Taryn of course Taryn: (points) do you know Julie Julie: I have'ta go (tries to walk away but Taryn stops her) Laura: we haven't met, Julie Neil: (looks) Julie Julie: (turns around, fakes suprise while taking her glasses off) oh my, what a coincidence (smiles) Neil: have you been sitting at the next table this whole time (smiles) (Julie looks mortified) are you spying on me (Laura and Taryn look at Julie) Julie: uh I...I'm sorry (Julie turns around to leave and bumps into a waiter. the tray he's holding goes on his chest. Taryn has her mouth agape in shock. Julie leaves. Neil smiles and puts his hand up to his head) CUT TO: The pier - Marissa is sitting on a bench by herself, staring out at the water. Kaitlin walks over Kaitlin: hey (Marissa looks then looks away) (sits) there's a sale at Paul Frank if you wanna go...probably can't afford anything (looks at Marissa) but we could try stuff on Marissa: (softly) no thanks Kaitlin: I'm guessing your still mad at me (Marissa closes her eyes and looks down) look I know you may not believe me when I say this but (looks at Marissa) I'm tryin'a do you a favour Marissa: oh yeah, well thanks so far its been a real blast (Marissa puts her arms around her knees, hugging them to her chest while looking out at the water) Kaitlin: (thinks) remember when we were little an dad use'ta always take us to Baskin Robbins (Marissa looks at her) you''d have'ta sample like every single flavour before you could decide on what you actually wanted, an then once you did...you realised that you didn't like it so you'd cry...dad'd have'ta take you back in to get another cone Marissa: is this another story (shrugs) about how growing up (raises eyebrows) it was always about me Kaitlin: no, it's about you not trusting your instincts Marissa: ...maybe I'm not (shrugs) built that way Kaitlin: so (shakes head) it's a skill, learn it, make a decision an stick with it (Marissa looks away) remember what I use'ta always get Marissa: (looks at Kaitlin) gold medal ribbon Kaitlin: every time, I figured I loved it (looks at Marissa) why question it (Marissa looks back out at the water thinking. Kaitlin leaves. we then see a breathtaking sht of the sun setting, it's truly Kodak moment stuff) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Johnny comes out of the bathroom towel drying his hair and then goes into his bedroom. Johnny's mom comes to the doorway Gwen: honey (Johnny looks) you just missed Marissa Johnny: Marissa Gwen: yeah, she left this for you (holds out envelope) (Johnny takes the envelope and starts to open it. Gwen smiles and leaves. Johnny starts reading) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is on his bed watching TV, we hear a few footsteps and then a knock. Its Marissa in the doorway. Ryan turns the TV off and looks over Marissa: (leans in the doorway) I'm sorry...(sighs) Ryan: (sits around, sighs) you wanna be with Johnny (stands) Marissa: no, I'm sorry I ever made you wonder Ryan: (looks down) look you two have a connection I get that it's not even about him Marissa: no its (shrugs) its about me (looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at her) i was just (closes eyes) not being able to talk to you about Trey (Ryan listens) an then with Kaitlin coming back, her hooking up with Johnny (closes eyes) it jus...(shrugs) it threw me for a loop, but I think we can get passed this Ryan: its not that easy you can't just snap your fingers an make everything go back the way it was before Marisa: well we can try, maybe start with dinner (Ryan looks at Marissa. Marissa looks at him, hopeful) CUT TO: Wayside trailer park - the first thing we see is some old movie on the TV. Kaitlin is on the couch by herself watching the movie and eating what appears to be breakfast cereal, we hear/see a knock at the door. Kaitlin turns the TV off and opens the door, Johnny is standing there Kaitlin: Johnny (looks Johnny up and down) which Cooper are you here to see Johnny: (laughs) I'm here ta see you, I thought maybe we could go to the beach Kaitlin: for a night surfing lesson Johnny: I was thinkin more like bonfire an tequila (smiles) Kaitlin: (looks at Johnny impressed) even better, I know where my mom keeps the stash (smiles) (Johnny goes inside and Kaitlin grabs the bottle) Kaitlin: so what's the occasion Johnny: just feel like you an I never really got a chance to party, what'do you say Kaitlin: ok (gives tequila to Johnny) (Johnny smiles and goes outside, Kaitlin grabs something, a jacket? and leaves the trailer) CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy is sitting on the couch in his office, its dark and he looks stressed. Kirsten comes to the door with food, Sandy looks over Kirsten: hungry Sandy: oh I'm sorry baby (looks at watch) I...I should'a called Kirsten: oh that's ok (sits next to Sandy) I figured you were here (puts food down) Sandy: who would'a thought the Newport Group would be where I go to for a moment of zen Kirsten: oh, sometimes this job makes you do alot of (looks at Sandy, sighs) hard thinking Sandy: (shakes head) I want this hospital more than I have wanted anything in a long time Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) then you cant let Matt's relationship with Mia Griffin stand in your way (Sandy looks at her) for all you know she could be using him to or (shrugs) they could live happily ever after (Sandy nods) the point is if you want this as bad as I think you do, you have'ta go for it Sandy: so where's the line (looks at Kirsten) Kirsten: I'm not worried about you knowing where the line is, you always do, it's who you are (smiles) (Sandy looks as though he's not so sure) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - we hear loud music and see an open window with an ashtray sitting on the window sill. we can also see a little bit of smoke drifting up. we then hear a loud knock at the door. Seth quickly jumps up and tries to wave the smoke out the window Seth: uh-hm, coming Summer: (off screen) Cohen! (knocks harder) Seth: hang on (Seth picks up the ashtray and takes it over towards his desk) Summer: (off screen) Cohen why is the door locked (knocks more) (we now see Summer standing outside the door) Summer: Cohen, I brought some DVD's (we suddenly hear a scratching sound and the music disappears, Seth opens the door and waves) Summer: (holds up DVD rental cases) hm Save The Last Dance an She's All That, now I know you're not interested in either of them but I cannot watch another movie about Japanese people flying through the air Seth: ok that's fine uh let's go downstairs (tries to walk passed) Summer: wait what- that's fine but are you ok (worried, frowns) Seth: yeah I'm great come on Summer: what's that smell (sniffs) Seth: it is incense I was doing yoga plus I had some really bad gas (shuts the door) Summer: gross FADE TO: The beach - we see the bonfire Johnny was talking about earlier, Johnny is standing next to it drinking the tequila and poking the fre with a long stick. Kaitlin is standing nearby watching him. Johnny takes a few drinks and then Kaitlin takes the bottle off him, she drinks and then screws up her face Kaitlin: ugh, god, wish we brought somethin to mix it with (crouches) Johnny: (drunk, crouches) yeah (takes bottle back) a couple more sips...you won't even notice (drinks) Kaitlin: mmkay alchy, can we just hook up already err, before you pass out on me Johnny: (laughs) you don't waste any time do you Kaitlin: well it's just the fre (sarcastically) it's so romantic (looks at Johnny) Johnny: well the fre is...actually kinda dying (drinks) Kaitlin: well (stands) ok then, ill just go find some driftwood, heat things up a bit (Kaitlin walks away and Johnny laughs and shakes his head, holding onto the tequila bottle tightly. after a few seconds we see a close up of him taking out Marissa's letter from earlier. he unfolds it and looks at it sadly. we see a close up of Johnny's anguished face and then we hear a noise. Johnny looks and Kaitlin is back) Kaitlin: (looks down at Johnny) what's that Johnny: (screws up letter) I don't wanna remember (throws letter into the fre) (Kaitlin crouches down near the fre and looks at Johnny, almost smiling. Johnny looks at her upset. all of a sudden Johnny stands up and Kaitlin follows him. Johnny looks around and then starts walking away) Kaitlin: where are you going Johnny: climb up there Kaitlin: (follows Johnny) hey tequila an rock climbing I'm not exactly sure it's the best combination Johnny: (doesn't care) so don't come Kaitlin: (calls) Johnny wait CUT TO: Wayside trailer park - Julie takes a bottle of something out of the fridge, she's upset, either crying or has been recently. we then hear a knock, she ignores the knock and drinks from the bottle Julie: go away Gus (we hear more knocking) Julie: (sighs, not in the mood, goes towards the door) I told you I don't wanna play strip pinochle (before Julie can open the door Neil does. Julie looks at him, stunned, with tear streaked cheeks. aww) Neil: you play strip pinochle Julie: long story, wh- (sniffs) what're you doing here Neil: I stopped by to thank you for fixing me up with Laura (Julie looks at him) she's a wonderful woman Julie: (nods)...well, good I'm-I'm glad it worked out with the two of you (we hear a high pitched beep) Julie: if you'll excuse me I have a hot pocket in the microwave an a wine cooler with my name on it so, good luck (goes to close the door, Neil stops her) what! what'do you want Neil: (looks at Julie) you Julie: excuse me Neil: you can be manipulative, you can be aggressive, I've known you to stretch the truth on occasion (Julie looks down) but the fact is, when I'm not around you I miss you Julie: (raises eyebrows) you do Neil: (nods) what can I say (Julie looks at him) (laughs) I've fallen for you (smiles) Julie: (smiles, laughs, wipes tears away) well, this just may be your lucky night (looks at Neil) I have an extra hot pocket (Neil smiles and then goes inside and closes the door) CUT TO: The beach - the first thing we see is Johnny on the side of a pretty big rocky cliff, he's climbing up it with the tequila bottle still in his hand Johnny: (calls) I'm almost to the top (we see that Kaitlin is on the sand near the bottom of the cliff looking up at Johnny) Kaitlin: (half smiles) Johnny would you jus come down already, you're wasted Johnny: (calls) nah nah I'm not wasted Kaitlin: Johnny jus come down (Johnny keeps climbing) Kaitlin: (starting to worry) stop it that's high enough! Johnny: I'm not gonna fall Kaitlin: your scaring me...I-I get it your awesome, just stop! (Johnny goes to grab some rock and it crumbles away, one of his feet slip and he is only hanging on by one hand and one foot) Kaitlin: Johnny! oh my god Johnny: (calls) its ok (we see Johnny get his feet back on the rocks) Kaitlin: Johnny! Johnny: (looks down at Kaitlin, laughs) did you see Kaitlin: Johnny jus come down Johnny: (holds out bottle) I almost dropped it (Kaitlin looks up at Johnny worried) Johnny: (calls) its ok I got it Kaitlin: (begs) Johnny please! just come - down! (we see Johnny ignoring Kaitlin and crawling his way over the edge at the top) CUT TO: The pool house - we see Ryan and Marissa walk in, Marissa is carrying two plastic bags with take away food in them Ryan: poor Seth, he's really inta that movie Marissa: yeah I know an he ate all of our dumplings (Marissa puts one of the bags down and hands the other to Ryan. Ryan sits on the edge of the bed and Marissa sits on the foot stool in front of him a little. Marissa watches Ryan, Ryan looks at her and then looks down) Marissa: look I know it's gonna take more than Thai food an teen movies to sort this out but...if you wanna talk (looks at Ryan) Ryan: (looks at Marissa then away) talkings the last thing I feel like doing Marissa: I figured since you gave me silent treatment the whole way in the car Ryan: (frustrated) what'do you want from me (looks at Marissa) Marissa: (looks at Ryan, away, then back at him) I want you (moves closer) (Ryan looks at her. Marissa is sitting in front of him all cute and vulnerable, she touches his arm and looks into his eyes. aww. Ryan touches her and then Marissa leans forward, touches the side of his neck and kisses him. aww. after a few seconds Ryan brings his hand up to Marissa's neck and kisses her back. the next thing we see is Marissa lowering herself onto the bed with Ryan above her, still kissing each other. the kissing continues for a few seconds and then Ryan helps Marissa take her jacket off, they manage to get one arm off without stopping but Marissa has to sit up for the other side. as she does we hear her cell phone ringing. Ryan is still on top of her, kind of leaning on his arms to support himself) Marissa: (looks over at the phone) uh Ryan: (with his head near Marissa's neck) d'you want me to answer that (laughs) Marissa: not really (laughs, kisses Ryan) wait Ryan: mm (Marissa reaches over for her cell phone and looks at who is calling) Marissa: its Kaitlin (puts phone back) Ryan: ah she's settin the mood (Ryan kisses Marissa and we hear it ring again. Marissa laughs and touches the side of Ryan's neck, it rings again. Ryan runs his hand down the side of Marissa's face gently) Marissa: mm, alright let me just get rid of her (laughs) Ryan: no no (kisses Marissa's forehead) she's setting the mood (mumbles something and continues kissing Marissa's neck) Marissa: (laughs) wait (Ryan leans up) (answers) Kaitlin let me call you back (we now see Kaitlin at the beach, she is on the phone and really scared) Kaitlin: Marissa can you come an get me (Marissa listens) I'm at Westward cove with Johnny (Ryan kisses Marissa's nose and forehead) Marissa: no I'm busy Ryan: yeah gettin busy (Marissa laughs and playfully pushes Ryan's mouth away) Kaitlin: no but you don't understand (upset) I'm scared, he's drunk an he's acting like a crazy person (we see Johnny now standing at the edge of the cliff with the bottle of tequila in his hand) Johnny: (calls) hey come up here, you've gotta see this view, whoooo Kaitlin: (heard through the phone) Johnny jus come - down (Marissa rubs Ryan's neck and smiles, Ryan sighs and moves off of her and Marissa sits up) Marissa: what's that Kaitlin: Marissa it's him I'm telling you, Johnny's in trouble an...I don't know what to do Marissa: um hold on (Ryan sits up) she sounds really upset Ryan: it's Johnny Marissa: yeah he's in trouble Ryan: (takes phone) Kaitlin Kaitlin: Ryan you have'ta help me he's drunk an he's gonna get hurt Ryan: (looks at Marissa) he's really in trouble Kaitlin: yes come now! Ryan: be right there CUT TO: Cohen family room - we see a close up of a teary eyed Seth sitting on the couch, we can see Summers arm next to him Seth: wow (raises eyebrows) so that was um (scratches head, swallows) that was Save The Last Dance huh Summer: ok I know there weren't any subtitles or Kung Fu or whatever (looks at Seth) but I thought it was pretty good Seth: (over Summer) no, I thought it was amazing (Summer is suprised) that dance number at the end was so inspiring, an Summer I'm so glad I'm so so glad (Summer frowns) that she got into Julliard in - the - end (shakes head) an she did it...for her mom (looks at Summer, touches Summers head) Summer: oh oh (grabs Seth's hand) Seth: for...her mom, Summer Summer: yeah (shakes head) wasn't that good (holds Seth's hand and frowns at Seth) Seth: (points) this'is pretty amazing to (Summer looks at what Seth is looking at and frowns. we then see what it is, the bright blue screen on the TV when something has ended, lol) Summer: it's just a blue screen (Seth tries to touch Summers head/face again, she puts up her hands to stop him and frowns) Seth: I know but its so blue, I never...realised how blue it was before, kinda like (shrugs) I wanna go swimming in it or somethin (frowns, mesmerised) Summer: (nods, frowns) yeah Seth: a little dippy dip Summer: ok, it's pretty blue Seth: yeah Summer: (thinks) could you excuse me I gotta go to the bathroom (stands) Seth: yeah I'm not goin anywhere, mm (rubs face) (we see another sh*t of the plain blue screen on the TV, lol) Seth: (rubs head with a really happy expression) I'm not goin anywhere, we should- we should take our pants off (the next thing we see is Captain Oats sitting under a lamp in Seth's room. Summer comes in) Summer: (sighs, crouches next to Capt Oats) come on Captain Oats, we both know (raises eyebrows) something's up (Summer stands up and sighs, then goes over to Seth's desk. she opens up a drawer and lifts some papers and things, feels to the back and then shuts it. she opens another draw and stops suddenly. the zip lock bag isn't even hidden its just sitting there on top of everything. Summer looks at the zip lock back and frowns) Summer: eww CUT TO: The beach parking lot - the range rover drives up. Ryan and Marissa get out and look over towards the cliff, we hear Johnny go whooo loudly. we can also see the bonfire still burning on the sand Ryan: over there, you go ta Kaitlin I'm gonna find another way up there, keep him talking Marissa: ok, be careful (Ryan and Marissa go down the stairs to the sand. we then see Johnny with the tequila bottle in his mouth, stumbling near the edge. Kaitlin is still watching, scared) Kaitlin: (yells) Johnny just come down! Marissa: (off screen) Kaitlin (Kaitlin looks) are you alright (Marissa hugs Kaitlin to her) Kaitlin: I'm so happy that your here Johnny: whoo (Marissa and Kaitlin look up at Johnny) Johnny: (looks down) Marissa Marissa: Johnny (off screen) look you have'ta get down from there (we see Ryan making his way up the hill to get to Johnny) Johnny: no I dont wanna even see you? (mumbles something) Marissa: (off screen) we can get through this alright, I mean your one of my best friends (we see Ryan pass 2 signs. one says CAUTION HAZARDOUS AREA, and then underneath that is a NO TRESPASSING sign) Johnny: after all we've ben through (Marissa looks up at him helplessly) I get to be your best friend (we see that Ryan is now a few meters away from Johnny) Johnny: jus go away, leave me alone (drinks) Marissa: (off screen) come on just let me explain it to you, look jus come down Johnny (Johnny turns around and sees Ryan standing there. Ryan looks at him) Johnny: (points) dude you are the last person I wanna see right now Ryan: ok alright (motions) lets get you down from there we can talk about it later ok Johnny: (points) right, right, right so you can save me one more time for (laughs) Marissa (Ryan looks at him worri	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x14 - The Cliffhanger"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Cohen family room - Seth, Summer and Ryan are sitting together on the couch, Marissa is nearby in a chair. they all seem very worried and pre occupied Summer: ...well you know what they say no news is good news Seth: I'm not sure it's true about severe head injuries Marissa: we should'a stayed at the hospital Ryan: nothin we could do there (Marissa closes her eyes) doctors told us to go home (raises eyebrows) sleep eat Marissa: yeah except (rests head on hand) I cant sleep an I'm definitely not hungry (Kirsten and Sandy walk in, in their robes, carrying food) Kirsten: hungry (puts bowl down on the coffee table) Sandy: come on everyone needs ta eat, your friend Johnny's gonna need you when he wakes up Marissa: (looks at Sandy) if he wakes up Ryan: Marissa (looks away) Marissa: you were there Ryan: (looks at Marissa) yeah I was (Seth and Summer look over at Ryan/Marissa. worried. Marissa looks at Ryan and then down) Summer: you guys he's probably gonna be fine (Seth looks at her) Trey was unconscious for like months an he was fine, he was sht (Marissa doesn't look convinced or comforted) Seth: yeah we waited around like this once before after a certain OD in TJ (Ryan looks over at Marissa) Marissa: I'm gonna um go check on Kaitlin (stands) in the pool house (Marissa goes outside. Sandy looks at Ryan worriedly) Sandy: how're you doin Ryan Ryan: she's right, I mean the way the doctors were talking you could tell, they didn't wanna get our hopes up Summer: yeah well doctors are idiots Seth: you tell that to your dad Summer: it's their job to be negative, its called managing expectations, that's why it's our job (shrugs) ta be positive (we hear a cell phone ring and the camera pans down to show it sitting on the table. Ryan leans forward and picks it up to look at who is calling) Ryan: Johnny's mom (looks at Seth/Summer) Seth: d'you think you ought'a (motions with hand) Ryan: I don't know, I don't know Sandy: d'you want me to Ryan: no no it's alright (stands) (Ryan sighs and then answers the phone as he walks towards the door) Ryan: Mrs. Harper, hey it's Ryan (Ryan suddenly starts walking slower and we can tell something isn't right. Ryan looks up towards the pool house just as Marissa comes out. she stops suddenly and looks at Ryan as he hangs up. Marissa looks at him with a very helpless and sad look, as if she knows without him having to say anything. Ryan rushes over to Marissa as tears start to well. he pulls her to him and she buries her head in his shoulder, aww. we then see that Seth, Summer, Kirsten and Sandy are standing near the door watching. Summer sadly rests her head on Seth's shoulder/chest and Kirsten touches Sandy's shoulder. we hear the sound of a door opening and then see a close up of Ryan rubbing Marissa's back. we then see Kaitlin walk out of the pool house in a Berkeley sweatshirt, she looks at Ryan and Marissa) Kaitlin: what happened (Ryan looks at Kaitlin. Kaitlin frowns) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Johnny's house - the first thing we see is a guy surfing which then fades to a sht of Marissa outside of Johnny's house. she stops and looks towards the house, then walks to the front door and knocks. inside we see Dennis walking towards the door and then he opens it Marissa: hey Dennis: thanks for comin by Marissa: I'm glad you called (Dennis motions for Marissa to go in. Marissa goes in and shuts the door behind her. Dennis goes to the kitchen where there is a teapot on the stove. Marissa follows him) Marissa: where's Gwen Dennis: I finally got her to lie down an she-she started talkin about the funeral an just lost it you know Marissa: well what'does she wanna do Dennis: who knows, she said no priest (sighs) no body nothing depressing, I mean it's a funeral you know isn't it suppose'ta be depressing Marissa: well (raises eyebrows) I mean we could do something during the day, you know maybe by the water (shrugs) no one allowed to wear black Dennis: or shoes (Marissa half smiles and nods) it sounds like what he'd wanna do (Marissa nods) I gotta take this to Mrs. H Marissa: hey ill do it (takes cup) Dennis: thanks CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Ryan is at the fridge and Seth it sitting at the end of counter Ryan: doesn't seem real man Seth: well listen man you can't blame yourself, you tried Ryan: (shuts fridge) yeah an I failed Seth: well, don't bat yourself up, Ryan Atwood versus himself's (frowns) a very ugly cage match Ryan: I'm gonna shower, try an get some sleep (starts to leave) Seth: (looks over) so I guess you wont have'ta worry about Johnny (Ryan looks at him) coming between you an Marissa anymore...is (holds up paper) sudoku, fun to say fun ta do (Ryan looks at him) too soon, ok (looks back at the paper) (Ryan leaves) Seth: (to himself) too soon (sighs) CUT TO: The beach - we see Julie and Kirsten walking together down the far end of the beach, further up alot of people are helping set up for a Valentines Day dance Kirsten: it just...feels wrong, the kids are going through this awful thing an we're planning a Valentines Day dance Julie: all the more reason for them ta focus on something good (looks at Kirsten) I mean its-its not like we can cancel this dance now if we wanted to, although (stops walking) the thought had crossed my mind Kirsten: (looks at Julie) he hasn't asked you Julie: who, Dr. Neil Roberts, why no he hasn't (almost disappointed) d'you think he has plans with someone else Kirsten: no Julie: that I'm not Valentine material Kirsten: Julie Julie: that I'm just a fun hang not worthy of chocolates, flowers an nice underwear Kirsten: well Sandy's no fan of Valentines Day either, so I guess we should just concentrate on hosting a great event (Julie nods) an we'll worry about our love lives when it's over Julie: or I could invent a fake reason to go to his house an fish for information Kirsten: Julie, last time you went on a stealth mission you toppled a desert tray (walks away) Julie: (calls) yeah but it got his attention CUT TO: Johnny's house - we see a glimpse of a cab, girl's feet and a brown bag. the camera pans up to show a young woman and the cab driver Driver: here you go Sadie: thankyou (the next thing we see is Marissa coming out of Johnny's house. Sadie picks up the bag and walks towards the house) Sadie: hi, are you a friend'a Johnny's (Marissa looks at her and nods) I'm his cousin, Sadie Marissa: hi, I'm glad your here Sadie: my mom thought it would be a good idea if I came down here an stay with my aunt for a while, how's she doing Marissa: (looks towards the house then back at Sadie) not so good, you know but finally sleeping Sadie: you look like you could use a few hours yourself Marissa: oh I'm (touches head almost embarrassedly) I'm ok Sadie: yeah Marissa: yeah, I should probably go I just got alotta stuff to do (walks away) Sadie: hey are you Marissa Marissa: (looks at Sadie) yeah Sadie: well I wish it was under better circumstances (raises eyebrows) but um it's nice to finally meet you Marissa: (looks at Sadie) you too (Sadie walks towards the front door and Marissa watches her before leaving) CUT TO: The trailer - we see Kaitlin lying on the couch looking very down, we then hear a knock at the door. Kaitlin gets up slowly and opens it. Justin is standing there Kaitlin: Justin, what're you doing here Justin: winter break is almost over (smiles) I thought you might want a ride back to school Kaitlin: should've saved your gas money Justin: it's a hybrid (looks at the car) gets pretty good mileage so uh (looks back at Kaitlin) gas isn't an issue Kaitlin: last time you came to town you wanted me arrested Justin: that was my brother and I was thinking uh I was hoping that we could talk (Kaitlin looks at him) about our relationship Kaitlin: our relationship (Justin slightly nods) (goes to shut door) today's not a good day Justin: is there another day that will be better Kaitlin: I want you to leave (raises eyebrows) right now (closes door) Justin: (worried, frowns) Kaitlin are you ok (Justin is frustrated. inside we hear a smash and a groan from Kaitlin. Justin now looks worried) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Sandy is on the phone Sandy: ill see you then, thanks (hangs up) (we see Matt in the doorway, he knocks on the side. Sandy looks over) Matt: hey boss Sandy: hey Matt: you wanted to see me Sandy: yeah I jus got off the phone with Dr Griffin an he told me that the board has vetted the Breyer proposal (raises eyebrows) an there ready to put a whole in the ground but I'm gonna meet with them one more time, d'you think you could call Mia (Matt looks at him) I mean with a few caveats Matt: name em Sandy: don't lie, don't uh don't lead her on Matt: that's not a problem, I mean the reason I went out with her when she called is actually, I really like her Sandy: ooooh boy likes girl, girl has access to influential father, boys boss needs to close a deal, has all the makings of a great romance, I'm glad you like her (smiles) Matt: yeah well ill give her a call, let you know (Matt starts to leave as Marissa comes in. she looks awful) Matt: hey Marissa Marissa: hi Sandy: Marissa (Sandy hugs Marissa. aww) Sandy: how you holdin up Marissa: I'm ok...I was wondering, there's all these forms from the hospital an...well (Sandy listens) Johnny's mom can't really deal right now, it doesn't need a lawyer or anything but- Matt: you know what (Marissa looks over) I actually know just the guy for the job, I'm practically majored in paperwork Marissa: (looks at Matt) are you sure you don't mind (Matt nods) Sandy: well when it comes to mind numbing bureaucratic busy work Matt is an ace Matt: an here I thought you never noticed Marissa: alright well uh I should get home, you know shower I've been in these clothes since you don't wanna know when (starts to leave) Sandy: I think your doin great kiddo (Marissa looks at Sandy, nods) Marissa: thanks CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Summer knocks and walks in Seth: (looks up) oh hey (shuts laptop) Summer: hey what're you doing Seth: uhhh (thinking sound) nothin Summer: (sits on the edge of the bed) well, well if its nothing then you wont mind me looking right (opens laptop, frowns) that's not prn Seth: (almost cringes) its a list of my Yakuza DVDs sorted alphabetically by title an also by director (Summer looks at him) making my inventories is sorta one'a those things kinda like masturbating or flossing my teeth where even though you know I do it id just rather you not witness it Summer: Cohen (Seth looks at her) I found something in your drawer Seth: (looks away then at Summer) your not mad Summer: (matter of factly) oh no, I'm mad, I'm livid (Seth nods) not about the pot because I mean whatever its pot right an while Marissa an I were hot boxing Luke's car you were at home making a manger over Captain Oats outta linkin logs so you were a late bloomer an I get that but Cohen, you lied to me for like the gazillionth time about something important Seth: well Summer I don't know what I can do except say I'm not gonna lie again an then...not lie, you just have'ta trust me Summer: yeah well I don't (raises eyebrows) so you better think of something else (Summer leaves and Seth looks disappointed) CUT TO: The trailer - Marissa is in the kitchen and notices a broken crock pot Marissa: (frowns) what happened ta the crock pot (Kaitlin comes into the kitchen) Kaitlin: it broke (Ryan comes in) Ryan: (to Kaitlin) hey (to Marissa) hey Marissa: hi Ryan: hi (kisses Marissa) Kaitlin: let me give you guys some privacy Ryan: that's alright you don't- (Kaitlin leaves) have'ta leave Marissa: I've tried talkin to her (we hear a cell phone ring) Ryan: (sighs) well give her some time, how you doin Marissa: you know (looks at phone, answers) hi Mrs. Harper...uh sorry (frowns) hi...y-yeah I guess, sure CUT TO: The diner - we see Sadie sitting in a booth by herself. Marissa comes in and goes over to her Marissa: hi (sits across from Sadie) Sadie: hey (smiles) thanks for meeting me Marissa: sure, no problem, so uh you visiting Sadie: yeah, from Ashlyn, Oregon Marissa: are you taking some time off school or Sadie: no actually I just graduated I um (touches necklace) I started my own little jewelry making business so I've jus been traveling (Marissa nods) tryin'a get stores to carry my stuff Marissa: you know I really need to be with my boyfriend right now (frowns) Sadie: (looks at Marissa confused) your boyfriend Marissa: yeah, Ryan, he was with me, with Johnny when it happened Sadie: oh yeah my aunt mentioned that there was another kid there I just thought um (closes eyes) this is really awkward, I thought that Johnny was your boyfriend Marissa: why would you think that Sadie: because last week he called me an he asked me if I would make something for you for Valentines Day (Marissa looks at her) here I brought it with me (Sadie pulls out a necklace with an angel pendant, and a few symbolic stones) Sadie: that there is your birthstone an that's his, an in the middle there's an angel Marissa: (takes necklace and looks at it) an angel Sadie: yeah (smiles) he was afraid you might think it was cheesy but, he said that's what you were to him (Marissa looks at the necklace sadly, then at Sadie) CUT TO: The beach - its Johnny's funeral. there are alot of people on the sand beside the water. there is like an aisle made out of a line of surfboards either side and people are standing between the surfboards. towards the front there is an altar on the sand with alot flowers and things and another surfboard. the next thing we see is a girl signing a surfboard with a leigh on it, there are a few different messages already on there. then we see Summer and Marissa putting flowers down on the altar with the rest of them. Marissa walks away and then we see Dennis walk over to where Summer, Seth, Ryan and Marissa are standing together. Summer touches Dennis' chest comfortingly. Dennis looks over at Marissa, Marissa looks at him. we then see Gwen and Sadie walking towards the altar together, they stop briefly and Gwen looks over at Marissa, Marissa looks at her and then down. Gwen and Sadie keep walking. we see a close up of Ryan then of Marissa. the sht changes and we see Ryan and Marissa's hands just as Ryan takes hers in his, aww. we then see Gwen placing flowers down with the rest of them. someone puts their hand on her back comfortingly. Sadie: Johnny an I were pretty close growing up, a couple years ago... Gwen covers her mouth with her hand, overwhelmed. we see another sht of Dennis, Summer, Seth, Ryan and Marissa watching sadly. Sadie is standing at the front near the flowers talking about Johnny) Sadie: Johnny had this pair of power ranger pajamas that he absolutely refused to take off I mean (Marissa laughs) he would literally wake up an in the morning an put his clothes on top of his pajamas an go about his day wearing his two layers of clothing... (we see Gwen looking completely lost while Sadie talkes, and then a sht of Volchok smoking near his van, watching the funeral from afar. this changes to Dennis and another guy carrying Johnny's signed surfboard towards the water. we then see everyone leaving the beach. Volchok is still by his van. Marissa and Ryan are at the range rover. Volchok looks over at Ryan) Marissa: Ryan (Ryan looks) there's Kaitlin (we see Kaitlin sitting by herself on some rocks near the water) Marissa: I should probably Ryan: no, it's alright let me (Marissa opens the car door and Ryan goes over to Kaitlin) Ryan: hey (Kaitlin looks) what're you doin up here alone (sits) Kaitlin: well what am I suppose'ta do, just go down there an introduce myself, hey I'm Kaitlin, the girl who klled him Ryan: you didn't make him climb that rock (shakes head) an you didn't make him fall Kaitlin: that's right (looks at Ryan) that was you Ryan: (looks away then back at Kaitlin) you know what, I'm not gonna do this with you (stands)everybody's upset, come on (holds hand out) Kaitlin: no you know what Ryan (stands without Ryan's help) we can't fix this, so just save the speeches for my sister alright (leaves) (Ryan watches Kaitlin) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy and Matt walk in together in sports gear, Matt is also holding a basketball Sandy: alright, here ya go (holds out money) this is your fourth quarter bonus by the way (Matt smiles) an next time I pick the sport...hey, did you ever get in touch with Mia Matt: (scoffs) yeah, but I kinda wish I didn't (Sandy looks at him) you see when I didn't call her back she took that as a sign'a my lack of interest an well she's a smart girl an now she's an angry one too (laughs) (Kirsten comes in, on the phone) Kirsten: it's not a typo I need ten thousand cinnamon hearts an please don't make them stale, thanks (hangs up) Sandy: hey honey, are the kids home Kirsten: no, there on there way ta the Bait Shop for the wake (smiles) hey Matt how's it goin Matt: woman troubles Kirsten: oh, well, maybe I can play cupid Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) that's a great idea Kirsten: really Sandy, an what is it that you say about Valentines Day that it's vacuous, a commercially driven hollow shell of a holiday (looks at Sandy) Sandy: (looks down) well sometimes we all need a little vacuous commercially driven diversion (looks at Kirsten) an this would be one'a those times Kirsten: (smiles) mm (to Matt) what her name, ill have a ticket to the party delivered Matt: it's Mia Griffin Kirsten: (raises eyebrows) who's fathers the head of the physicians board, oh I don't know Sandy: if anybody can do it you can Kirsten: this girl doesn't need my help getting a date, it'll never work Matt: (puts hand up) you know what, Kirsten, don't worry about it I'm sure that we can come up with somethin else (leaves) Kirsten: (moves closer to Sandy) ill get Mia to the party, if you try an embrace the holiday, no whining no snarky comments, candies, candles, lingerie nice lingerie, nothing red (thinks) see through or (squints) remotely edible Sandy: not even a little see through CUT TO: The Bait Shop - there is a huge screen set up with surfing footage on it. there is also a surfboard lying on the top of the bar frame, we then see Seth and Ryan at the bar together Seth: death an Valentines Day there's an unbeatable combination Ryan: yeah an this is the first one where Marissa an I are actually together (looks at Seth) (nods) should be all time Seth: pressures on for me ta deliver, Summer found my stash Ryan: (frowns) you don't have any visible bruises she uh she go for the kidneys Seth: I wish (shakes head) (we now see Marissa and Summer sitting together) Summer: you an Atwood make V Day plans Marissa: (looks at Summer) actually we haven't even talked about it Summer: really, it's the first Valentines Day that you guys aren't fighting or kissing another girl (shrugs) I mean it could be special Marissa: (looks at Summer) this is special (Summer looks at her skeptically) all I'm saying is Valentines Day might be cancelled this year (Summer frowns at Marissa. we then see Volchok, he sees Sadie standing alone against the railing up the top, then goes over to her) Volchok: hey Sadie Sadie: (looks then looks away) what'do you want Volchok: I just wanna see how your doin (Sadie half laughs) I mean it ok Sadie: when was the last time you meant anything you said (Ryan walks over) Ryan: is there a problem here Volchok: hey man Ryan: this is a private party Sadie: its ok he was just leaving Volchok: yeah (leaves) Ryan: so you know him Sadie: use to Ryan: (nods) Sadie right (Sadie nods) (nods) I liked what you said at the beach today Sadie: thanks, speaking at funerals is something of a specialty, not that its anything to brag about Ryan: no one close to me has ever...ever died Sadie: really Ryan: mm Sadie: feels like everyone close to me has (looks at Ryan) I mean not everyone but my dad, cancer when I fourteen (Ryan listens) my dog rocky like a month after that, my bestfriend last summer Ryan: I'm sorry (Sadie looks at him) for your cousin too (nods) Sadie: I see that (Ryan looks at her) it's a funeral, people say sorry before they say hello (nods) but you really are so thankyou (Ryan nods) (Marissa comes over) Marissa: Ryan there you are Ryan: hey Sadie: hey Marissa Marissa: hi (to Ryan) so uh Seth an Summer were looking for you at the car, you ready to go Ryan: yeah yeah sure (to Sadie) so uhh maybe we'll see you again before you leave Sadie: sure (smiles) (Marissa and Ryan leave. Sadie watches and then looks as though she's thinking) CUT TO: Roberts house - Julie and Neil are inside together Julie: yes well I-I think I might've left it somewhere around here at Kaitlin's birthday party Neil: well I haven't seen a cake Knfe anywhere, not that id know what a cake Knfe looks like (looks at Julie) and are you really going to be baking, don't you have your Valentines party tomorrow night Julie: frankly Neil, I'm suprised you remembered about my little dance or Valentines Day (Neil looks at her) so are you working this weekend on call, your such a busy man Neil: no I-I I thought that id stay in an catch up on some reading Julie: oh, because your behind on work, there must be new techniques developed every day (winks) gotta keep up Neil: oh I thought I would get inta the Da Vinci code (Julie looks at him shocked) have you read it Julie: ...I'm waiting for the movie (smiles) well, I don't see that Knfe anywhere uh spose I should be going Neil: well, its always good to see you Julie (Julie looks disappointed) ill see you out Julie: it's ok uh I-I I know the way (leaves) CUT TO: The trailer park - we see Kaitlin walking to the trailer, and then we see Justin waiting by his car Justin: (notices Kaitlin) hey (Kaitlin looks but doesn't say anything, Justin rushes over with a gift bag in his hand) Justin: happy Valentines Day (Kaitlin looks at Justin and then takes the bag from him) Justin: I figured you could use something to hug (Kaitlin pulls out a cute little teddy bear with a red ribbon around its neck. she glances at Justin) Justin: or at least if you throw him he wont break (Kaitlin half smiles then sits down, holding the teddy in front of her on the table) Justin: trouble at home Kaitlin: shockingly no, it's a boy (Justin sits) I mean, not like that (Justin looks at her) he...he died (Justin looks stunned) an I was with him...and sort of helped it happen Justin: what'do you mean Kaitlin: we went to the beach (raises eyebrows) drinking, a bonfire, I thought it'd be fun (Justin listens) but he was really messed up...an by the time I called for help it was too late...(sighs) he slipped, fell on some rocks Justin: then it was an accident Kaitlin: yeah but accidents don't just happen, people let them happen (Justin looks at Kaitlin, Kaitlin looks at him and then away) Justin: I understand why it probably feels that way, but I'm sure if he were here he'd be the first to take responsibility and he'd...thank you for trying to help him (Kaitlin looks as though she's thinking) Kaitlin: you're like an adult (smiles) Justin: my parents are therapists (smiles) there annoying but pretty smart Kaitlin: well, thankyou (stands) (Justin stands) so I will see you back in Santa Barbara (puts teddy back in the bag) Justin: yeah Kaitlin: ok Justin: (waves) bye (Kaitlin goes inside. Justin heads back over to his car and does a happy dance at the same time, you know the type when a guy is excited about something. he does a little spin and clicks his fingers etc. inside Kaitlin notices Justin doing his little dance through the window and watches him) Kaitlin: dude I can totally see you Justin: (looks at Kaitlin) dude, right (Kaitlin laughs, Justin stops dancing and goes to his car almost embarrassed, we then see Kaitlin again and the smile goes and she looks sad again) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is in there by himself looking at a lingerie catalog. Seth, Summer, Ryan and Marissa come in Sandy: hey (Seth does a little wave) how was the uh how was the memorial Seth: can we talk about somethin else like why're you reading the Victoria secret catalog Summer: you know what speaking of underwear (screws up face) I think I have sand in mine ugh (Summer leaves the kitchen and Seth gives her a cute little pat on the butt as she walks by him) Sandy: well no your mother gave it to me with items marked an uh, sizes circled (Seth frowns) Ryan: does that mean you're embracing Valentines Day this year Marissa: yeah I thought you weren't a fan Sandy: no I made a deal with your mother an I'm holdin up my end'a the bargain (Ryan leaves the kitchen, Marissa notices) Seth: (off screen) I don't get it Sandy: (off screen) well Seth: (off screen) it's just like what's even the point almost you know (Marissa follows Ryan out of the kitchen) Seth: I'm gonna have'ta borrow that later, thanks Sandy: uhhhh we'll see CUT TO: The pool house - Marissa is lying on Ryan's bed and Ryan lies down next to her Ryan: (sighs) so what'do you wanna do Marissa: I'm doin it Ryan: no I mean tomorrow, for Valentines Day Marissa: ugh, can we talk about tomorrow (frowns) tomorrow Ryan: not if you wanna do somethin Marissa: (looks towards Ryan) I don't wanna do anything Ryan: (looks at Marissa, sighs, leans up on his elbow) I mean, you mean you don't wanna do anything specific or uh (Marissa looks at him) you don't wanna do anything at all Marissa: Ryan you've never liked Valentines Day before, ok so don't suddenly act like it's your favourite holiday Ryan: I'm-I'm not Marissa: it's just really hard for me ok Ryan: yeah well it's hard for me to (lies back down) Marissa: (rolls eyes, sits up) I cant explain it Ryan: (loud) I was there Marissa (sits up) what is it you think I don't understand (sighs) Marissa: (looks at Ryan unimpressed) I'm gonna go (Marissa leaves and Ryan watches her go, we hear the sound of the door open and then close) CUT TO: The pool house, next morning - we hear a knock and see a shadow of Seth through the blinds on the door Ryan: come in (Seth opens the door and Ryan squints from a touch of sunlight on him, apart from that the rest of the room is dark) Seth: (walks in) so your girlfriend decided to cancel Valentines Day huh, small town very good cell service (sits) Ryan: (sits up) all yesterday it seemed like we were havin a good day Seth: (looks at Ryan) at a funeral Ryan: not a good day but you know, we were good an then she jus kinda freaked out Seth: well sudden death can do odds things to people you remember my mom at Grandpas wake Ryan: (looks at Seth) that was Kirsten's dad Seth: well Johnny was Marissa's friend, her good friend Ryan: too good Seth: well, the guys dad Ryan I think you can cut Marissa at least a weekends worth of slack Ryan: (raises eyebrows, sniffs) she told me flat out she didn't wanna see me today (moves forward) Seth: ignore her, she was out of her mind with exhaustion an grief Ryan: (raises eyebrows) seemed pretty lucid to me Seth: trust me man (stands) no girl wants to be alone on Valentines Day (Ryan follows Seth towards the open door) Ryan: an you know this because Seth: because inside of my manly exterior beats the heart of a fourteen year old girl CUT TO: The trailer - we hear a knock at the door and then we see Marissa open it. Matt is standing there Matt: hi (points) Sandy gave me your address (holds out papers) I thought you'd want these as soon as possible Marissa: thanks, I'm sure Johnny's mom will appreciate it Matt: yeah (nods) so are we gonna see you an Ryan tonight at the party Marissa: oh I don't think so, we got in a fight (Matt looks at her) (closes eyes) I got in a fight it was my fault (raises eyebrows) Matt: oh well I'm sure that Ryan will accept your heartfelt apology (smiles) Marissa: I was more gonna give him a cooling off period Matt: well, hey if you need anything else paperwork related or...just to talk let me know Marissa: thanks Matt: happy Valentines Day Marissa: you too (Matt leaves and Marissa shuts the door. she looks at the paperwork and then puts it down next to her cell phone. she opens the phone and dials a number, we hear the ringing sound in her ear and then a voice message Msg: Ryan: hey its Ryan leave a message Marissa hangs up without saying anything) CUT TO: NB Yacht club - Kirsten and Mia Griffin are there together Kirsten: well as I mentioned on the phone my friend Julie an I (sits) (Mia sits) have a dating service, and uh (to waiter) thankyou, we're having a party tonight (smiles) Mia: and as I mentioned on the phone I don't need a service to get a date Kirsten: oh I know, it's us who needs you, it would mean alot to have someone like you who's young an active in Newport's business an social life to be apart of the event, of course (shakes head) if you have plans with someone special Mia: you mean someone like (frowns) Matt Ramsey (Kirsten looks at her) I know who your husband is Kirsten (smiles) an I seriously doubt this last minute invitation is a total coincidence Kirsten: Mia I'm sorry Mia: so just how badly does Matt wanna go out with me Kirsten: (suprised) you're not upset Mia: I was, when I first realised why you were calling, but I've liked Matt since college and as much as I wont admit it to him (bites lip) I was disappointed he didn't ask me out after our dinner Kirsten: well he regrets his decision (smiles) Mia: fine, ill go CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Seth is sitting at the kitchen tables by himself drawing a red heart. Sandy comes in carrying a pink Victorias secret bag Sandy: I see you've picked up a little somethin (points) for your lady an I for mine (Sandy puts his bag down on the left side of Seth's identical bag which is already sitting on the table) Seth: uhhh your lady's my mother an I really don't wanna talk about it Sandy: (looking in the bags) women's underwear has gotten very complicated thongs, bikinis, briefs (Seth looks at him, almost grossed out) who knew women's panties were such a minefield Seth: (frowns, still drawing) don't say panties Sandy: (sits across from Seth) so, you an Summer good Seth: we will be Sandy: what'd you do this time Seth: a certain circumstance was not (frowns, thinks) fully disclosed and my omission was discovered Sandy: you got caught in a lie Seth: in a nut shell yeah but I don't see why she's makin such a big deal about it, it's not like it's the first time Sandy: well maybe she thinks of you as a man (Seth looks at him) not a kid, kids lie all the time but a mans only as good as his word Seth: well Summer deserves a good man Sandy: Summer has a good man Seth: she does Sandy: yeah Seth: why didn't you tell me, how long have you known Sandy: just show her (Seth looks at him) well I gotta pick up a few more things for your mother, I promised her the best (stands) Valentines Day ever (Sandy grabs the Victorias secret bag on the right and then leaves. Seth gives him a wave and looks as though he is thinking) CUT TO: Johnny's house - we see Sadie taking some boxes out of a car and the range rover is behind her, Ryan gets out and goes over Ryan: hey, let me give you a hand Sadie: (puts boxes down on the grass) no I got it thanks (Ryan smiles) (laughs) its you, what're you doin here, what'do you want Ryan: uh thought id stop by, pay my respects, I didn't really get a chance to say anything to Mrs. Harper yesterday Sadie: I know she wanted ta thankyou, for tryin'a help him (Ryan nods) (points) she's inside if you wanna go in Ryan: no, uh let me help you Sadie: (waves Ryan off) I got it, its cool (Sadie drops some boxes and they fall out of the car, Ryan picks them up) Sadie: not cool, thankyou (smiles) Ryan: you're welcome Sadie: (picks up box) I guess that's kind of an atmatic reaction, your carrying groceries an moving some things an someone offers to help, an sure its nice to share the heavy lifting when your carrying a futon up three flights of stairs (puts down box and heads back to the car) is it really worth enduring the awkward conversation, and there doing you a favour so you have'ta be all nice Ryan: ah so being nice that's an effort for you Sadie: (lifts flattened boxes) kinda yeah, when I'm carrying a futon up three flights'a stairs (gives Ryan them) Ryan: what're these for Sadie: packing up Johnny's room, so my aunt won't have to (shuts the boot) (Ryan watches Sadie, Sadie looks at Ryan) Ryan: done Sadie: all done (Sadie looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at Sadie Sadie: you know I might have'ta rethink my whole position on not accepting help from strangers (Ryan looks down almost embarrassedly) ok (motions to stairs) Ryan: yeah Sadie: stairs, this isn't awkward, this isn't awkward at all (Ryan follows Sadie towards the house) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Kirsten is in there by herself and Sandy comes in with the Victorias secret bag and a beautiful bunch of flowers. Kirsten is suprised Kirsten: ooooooh Sandy: for you (kisses Kirsten) Kirsten: mm Sandy: too bad your already dressed, I was hopin you'd wear this (holds up bag) Kirsten: (gasps) is it the black one with the beige trim or the beige one with the black trim Sandy: (points) find out (Kirsten lifts a coat hanger out of the bag and on it hangs a bright pink bra with the wors pink, kisses, Victorias secret, and love hearts over it, and the panties are white with pink hearts all over them. Kirsten turns it towards Sandy and Sandy looks shocked) Kirsten: mm, this is a fantasy I'm not aware of Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) I didn't buy that! CUT TO: Summers bedroom - the very first thing we see is Summer slapping Seth, hard. Seth: aaah, I (we now see the reason for the slap. Summer is holding up a black lacey teddy, obviously Sandy's gift to Kirsten) Seth: I didn't buy that I can explain (touches teddy) Summer: you think the situation can be fixed with lingerie (raises eyebrows) Seth: nooo, not even if it's...very sexy an it says so right here on the tag the point is I made a mistake I will fix it Summer: Cohen, our problem cannot be fixed with underwear, not even age appropriate underwear with the right cup size (holds up bra section of the teddy) Seth: how can I prove to you that I'm not going to do something I say I'm not gonna do Summer: well the pressure was on, an you needed to come with a revolutionary idea an rock my world (Seth looks at her frustrated) I think Valentines Day is off Seth: fine (starts to leave then stops and points, softly) I got you a card (Summer looks at the Victorias secret bag and pulls out the card. on the front it says "I Cannot Tell A Lie..., underneath there is a red heart, the one Seth was drawing earlier, and over the heart is a Pinocchio looking character which resembles Seth, its very cute. inside it says Valentine, I Love You!, Seth. Summer looks at the card almost touched) CUT TO: The trailer - Marissa is sitting on the couch watching TV, she looks kind of bored and still down, we can hear the familiar sound of The Valley. Kaitlin comes in from the back of the trailer Kaitlin: ugh (screws up face) there playing Death Cab on The Valley, never listening to them again Marissa: I know, you look nice (Kaitlin looks over) mom forcing you to go out (Julie comes in from the same back) Julie: well I-I sharpened my bamboo sticks, turns out no force was necessary Kaitlin: (laughs) I'm just glad to get out of this trailer (Marissa rolls her eyes) Julie: you know Marissa, honey its not to late to change your mind, fresh air all the baked clams you can eat Marissa: yeah that sounds...tempting but, I think I just need to be alone (Kaitlin looks down, sort of like she can relate) Julie: (nods) ok (we hear a knock and Ryan comes in) Marissa: (suprised) hey (Ryan goes inside) (sits up) I wasn't expecting you (stands) um, hi (kisses Ryan on the cheek) Ryan: hi, I was hoping I could convince you to join me at the party Julie: well, maybe we'll see both of you Ryan: yeah Julie: good night Ryan: alright, good night (Julie and Kaitlin leave. Ryan looks at Marissa) Ryan: I got you something (Marissa looks at Ryan, then at the small white box he is holding out to her, she takes it and opens the lid. inside is a beautiful silver necklace with a few dangly beads hanging off of it) Marissa: (looks at Ryan, touched) it's beautiful Ryan: yeah, well, put it on, get dressed (Marissa closes the box and looks at Ryan) Ryan: or not (takes off jacket) or not uhhh fine, forget it (sits) jus hang here Marissa: look I know you're only trying to be nice (sits) but uh I really need some time Ryan: its fine I get that...but is it more than that I mean (Marissa looks at him pointedly) I mean when's the last time we actually hung out together, alone Marissa: (looks at Ryan) what you mean without Johnny (Ryan looks at her) (glares at Ryan)...your glad he's gone aren't you Ryan: no I'm not even gonna answer that (frowns) (Marissa blinks and Ryan leaves. the next thing we see is Marissa opening a drawer that has some clothes in it, she lifts a white top and underneath it is the angel necklace from Johnny, she puts the box she just got from Ryan down next to it and puts the top back over them both and closes the drawer) CUT TO: Kirsten and Julie's party - we see a beautifully lit walk way and then we see a gorgeous neon sign near the entrance. it's a huge silver shell with the NewMatch logo and the word "presents" underneath that in blue neon is Sea-Sand-Stars and then down the bottom of the shell there is "Valentines at the Beach". we then see people dancing and having a good time. and then Sandy and Seth walking together Sandy: did Summer give you back the bag Seth: uh the conversation kinda went in a different direction after that Sandy: oh Seth: (to Ryan) hey, no Marissa Ryan: yeah no Summer either Seth: uh no she's over there (points) with her date (Ryan looks and we see Neil and Summer together) Sandy: Valentines Day, it's too much pressure (motions) there's Matt I wonder if his date showed up (we see Matt by himself at the bar thing) Seth: oh cool another dude, I gotta go do somethin (Seth walks away. the next thing we see is Kaitlin by herself, then Justin by himself, looking for her. after a few seconds he sees her, and she him. she half smiles and Justin gives her a huge smile back. aww. Justin makes his way through the crowd and over to her. Kaitlin shakes her head and half laughs) Kaitlin: you gonna try ta act like this is a strange coincidence Justin: not...anymore (Kaitlin laughs) can I buy you a drink Kaitlin: (looks at Justin) I don't know, can you (Justin smiles) still got that fake ID (Justin smiles and holds his arm out, Kaitlin links hers through his and they walk off together - we then see Seth go over to Neil and Summer) Seth: happy Valentines Day sir (Summer almost smiles) I was wonderin (sighs) if I could maybe borrow your daughter for a moment Summer: (closes eyes) Cohen, I'm right here what'do you want (Seth goes over to Summer and pulls her a little away from Neil) Seth: I wrote you something (Seth holds out a napkin with his writing on it. Summer takes it) Summer: (looks) a cocktail napkin Seth: it's a confession, read it (Summer looks at Seth frowning and then looks down at the napkin) Summer: (reads) to whom it may concern, my name is Seth Cohen an I have a problem with flying Seth: it says lying, eh- pen shook Summer: (looks at Seth then continues to read) I have lied about many things over the years (Seth nods, watching) the most recent an troubling lies include but are not limited to the following- Seth: an there's a complete list on the back'a the napkin (Summer looks at him) all of my sins very detailed Summer: Cohen I know (raises eyebrows) all of this Seth: I know but if I ever screw up again (motions) you give that to my parents Summer: (nods) hm, that's pretty smart (looks at Seth) you may have just rocked my world (Seth smiles) I was hoping you'd come up with the half court sht at the buzzer Seth: is that a sports metaphor I don't...follow (smiles) Summer: (grins sexily) I'm wearing (raises eyebrows) the thong Seth: (screws up face) yeah that's-that's my moms Summer: (screws up face) eww CUT TO: The beach - we see Marissa walking by herself and she notices a bonfire, we then see that Dennis is sitting by the bonfire getting wasted, he looks up at Marissa Marissa: what're you doing Dennis: gettin wasted (Marissa nods) (looks at Marissa) you an me Marissa (Marissa looks at him) we're the only people who understand what we're goin through you know Marissa: you might be right about that (sits) Dennis: you know this emotional connection might be a really good platform (raises eyebrows) for a more physical one Marissa: (laughs) I'm not gonna make out with you Chili Dennis: (looks down) it's not Chili anymore, I'm goin back to Dennis (Marissa looks at him) Johnny never liked that nickname anyways (Marissa looks at Dennis, Dennis looks at her and then down sadly. Marissa puts her arm around Dennis and pulls him to her so his head is on her shoulder. aww. we then see them sitting together by the bonfire from a distance) CUT TO: Kirsten and Julie's party - we see Julie by herself Waiter: care for some oysters ma'm Julie: oh no, I don't do oysters, if I'm gonna swallow something that disgusting there better be something in it for me (the waiter walks away and Kaitlin and Justin walk over) Kaitlin: hey, mom Julie: oh hey baby, how are ya (hugs Kaitlin) Kaitlin: um I was...thinking about leaving Julie: oh, well then ill see you back at the house Kaitlin: no I mean...leaving Newport an going back to school (Julie looks disappointed) tonight, Justin (motions to Justin) he offered to give me a ride (smiles) (Justin walks over) Julie: (looks at Justin) hello, Julie Cooper-Nichol Kaitlin's mother (shakes Justin's hand) Justin: very nice ta meet you, you have a lovely daughter (Julie smiles, nods) ill drive under the speed limit, make sure she buckles her seatbelt (Julie looks at him then Kaitlin, Kaitlin looks at her) stop for coffee several times Julie: (nods, smiles) thankyou Justin I appreciate that (Justin smiles) (to Kaitlin) well ill see you at parents weekend an promise me you are definitely coming back Kaitlin: promise, you'll be seeing alot more of me Julie: Kaitlin, I'm so sorry if this trip wasn't everything you hoped for Kaitlin: I'm a Cooper mom, ill survive (smiles) (Julie and Kaitlin hug. aww) Kaitlin: (softly) ok bye (Justin and Kaitlin walk off together. Julie looks almost sad. she turns around and sees Neil drinking by himself) Neil: hey Julie: hello there Neil: you look radiant tonight Julie: thankyou (smiles) Neil: I was hoping that we could talk Julie: Neil you don't have to explain Neil: no I think I do Julie: all this back an forth, coming together pulling away again, I think it's...happening for a reason (Neil looks at her) we just don't belong together Neil: we both have very complex lives which (Julie nods) will make this...very complicated Julie: right, I mean who's looking to make life any more complicated (Neil looks at her) did you say will Neil: I'm sorry it's taken me this long to ask you this (Julie looks at him) but I lost my nerve when I wasn't trusting my instincts, Julie uh...(looks at Julie) would you be my Valentine (Julie smiles at Neil - we then see Kirsten walk over to Ryan standing by himself) Kirsten: all alone tonight (Ryan nods) well I guess that's to be expected under the circumstances Ryan: Marissa an I have ben fighting alot...mainly about whether Johnny was just a friend (motions) Kirsten: or if it was more than that Ryan: she says it wasn't, I don't think she's lying to me...I think she might be lying to herself...(raises eyebrows) an now that he's gone I don't know, how do we move forward, or if Kirsten: well the nights not over, maybe there's a little pit stop you could make on the way home Ryan: (thinks) yeah actually there is, thanks (Ryan leaves and Sandy goes over to Kirsten) Sandy: how's Ryan Kirsten: oh, he has alot on his mind as usual Sandy: (nods) o oo oo oo (Kirsten looks where Sandy is) Matt an Mia seem to be gettin along (we see Matt and Mia laughing together at the bar. Kirsten is now closer to Sandy, they are almost in a hug) Kirsten: d'you think there talking about business Sandy: yyeah, I think right now he's saying how ? now offers more space for emergency care an-an comp patient services Kirsten: (smiles) I think she's more concerned about wheel chair access in the lobby (looks at Sandy) Sandy: aww she's a good soul (Kirsten puts her hands on Sandy's shoulders just as a heart frame lights up gradually, it starts at the bottom and follows the heart shape till both sides reach at the top. there is smoke and pink fairy lights which are all up the inside and outside of the heart shape, its really pretty and well done) CUT TO: The trailer - Kaitlin is packing inside and Marissa comes in. Kaitlin looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at her Marissa: are you leaving Kaitlin: yeah, don't cry or anything (half laughs) Marissa: look I know this wasn't the best vacation you've ever had but (Kaitlin looks at her) I really am sorry for everything (sits) Kaitlin: don't be (shrugs) just figure it all out Marissa: (frowns) figure what out Kaitlin: what you really felt for Johnny Marissa: (looks at Kaitlin) what'does it matter now (looks away) (Kaitlin looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at her) Kaitlin: well you keep telling yourself whatever you want, but it does matter (Marissa closes her eyes and stands) Marissa: I'm really glad you came back Kaitlin: (looks up) I'm...kinda...sorta...maybe (thinks) might be ? (raises eyebrows) (Marissa smiles and hugs Kaitlin) CUT TO: Johnny's house - we hear a knock at the door and then see the door open, Ryan is standing there. Sadie is the one who opened the door Ryan: hi Sadie: (suprised) hi Ryan: I was uh was wondering if I could give you a hand Sadie: (frowns) no no I got it thankyou (Sadie looks behind her then back at Ryan) Ryan: ok ill jus (goes to leave) Sadie: I mean, really Ryan: yeah yeah figured you could use the help (Sadie looks at him) if you want I could make the conversation a little more awkward Sadie: well in that case please (raises eyebrows, smiles) (Ryan goes inside and Sadie closes the door) CUT TO: The road - Justin and Kaitlin are in the car. Kaitlin looks over at Justin with tears in her eyes, Justin looks at her Justin: ok, I think there's something in your eye, it couldn't be, is that a tear Kaitlin: (looks away, smiles) shut up (shakes head) (Justin looks back at the road and Kaitlin looks out of the window. we can see that she is holding the teddy from earlier to her chest. aww) Kaitlin: you know as weird as it may sound (looks at Justin) I think I'm actually gonna miss this place (Justin looks over at Kaitlin again. Kaitlin looks back out of the window, the camera zooms in on her face and then we see the car drive past. the car disappears out of the sht and we see a sign that has Long Beach 24, Los Angeles 43 & Santa Barbara 137 on it FADE TO: Kirsten and Julie's party - we see Matt and Mia dancing together then this fades to Sandy and Kirsten kissing in each others arms, dancing. aww, that then fades to Neil and Julie by the water together, no one else is around. Neil has his hands on the small of Julies back and Julie has her hands on Neil's shoulders, this fades to Seth and Summer making out on a towel on the sand, it's possibly more but the sht is so dark I can't tell, sorry. there is definitely heavy making out, this then fades to Marissa opening the drawer from earlier, she lifts the white top but this time Ryan's and Johnny's necklaces are side by side, she looks away then back down. we see her hand reach in and pull out the angel necklace. she closes the drawer and sits on the bed sadly looking at it, we see a sht of the necklace sitting in the palm of her hand then she closes her hand tightly and starts getting teary, she lies down on the bed curled up and looks at the necklace, upset CUT TO: Johnny's house - Ryan and Sadie are in the middle of packing Johnny's room into boxes, it looks pretty bare. Sadie puts some books into a box that already has some surfing trophies in it. Ryan sits down and looks around, Sadie sits down and looks at him Sadie: ...what're you thinking Ryan: if I could've uh done or...said anything it wou- (sighs) would'a saved him Sadie: (looks down) hm, well um (looks at Ryan) I think its a hard thing to accept, that life's completely out of our control (Ryan looks at her) but you were there for him (Ryan frowns) at the end'a the day its all we can really do for each other y'know, just be there (Ryan looks at her) (smiles) an ill be in the kitchen if you need me (Ryan looks up, blinks. Sadie stands and leaves the room. we see a close up of Ryan's face and he sighs. then we see Sadie in the kitchen and hear a knock at the door, Sadie answers the door and Volchok is standing there) Sadie: go away (tries to shut the door) Volchok: look I jus wanna talk Sadie: there's nothin'a say Volchok: you wouldnt'a come here if you didn't wanna see me (smiles) Sadie: its got nothin'a do with you an I think you should leave before I start screaming for the cops Volchok: (leans forward, almost smugly) look we both know your not gonna do that (Ryan comes and stands behind Sadie, Volchok notices him. Ryan looks at Volchok) Volchok: what the hell is he doin here (Sadie slams the door in Volchok's face) Ryan: everything ok Sadie: (looks at Ryan)...it is now (Ryan looks at her) you want tea (Sadie smiles and heads back to the kitchen. Ryan looks out the window and we see Volchok heading towards his car, he stops and looks towards the house. Ryan looks away from the window and then back. Volchok looks straight at him and then keeps walking) - fade out	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x15 - The Heavy Lifting"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Summers bedroom - the first thing we see is a close up of Summer, she has a thoughtful/contemplative expression. we then hear Summers voice only she isn't actually talking Summer (voice over): some might say as a teenage girl growing up in Orange County everything is ours for the taking (raises eyebrows) but sooner or later we have'ta choose (we see 2 swim suits lying out on Summers bed, she looks down at them. we then hear a knock at the door and Summer looks over, Marissa is standing there) Marissa: hey (Summer holds her finger up to Marissa as if to say hold on. we hear the voice over again) Summer (v.o): you don't choose ta choose, choosing chooses you Marissa: (frowns) ok what's that (points) Summer: (v.o): and when we choose we're left with our choi- (Summer runs over and stops her stereo. we now realise it's a recording that Summer was actually playing to herself of her own voice/thoughts) Marissa: (points) oh my god you're listening to your own voice Summer: you see all the TV shows I watch, all these women have voiceovers they even gave one to April on the Valley (Marissa looks at her) now where most'a these voiceovers (squints) they don't make much sense (points) they do make your life seem more (raises eyebrows) dramatic an meaningful Marissa: so you think our lives need ta be (raises eyebrows, emphasises with finger) more - dramatic Summer: (points) no not yours (shakes head) but it's our senior year second semester an I think things should be more poignant, an we don't have much time Marissa: yeah well your right about that last part we don't have much time, cause we're late so come on (leaves) Seth an Ryan are waiting for us Summer: (calls) ill be right there (Summer goes back over to her stereo and pushes a button. the voiceover starts again. Summer goes back over to her bed) Summer: (v.o): no one said choosing would be easy, but not choosing is even less easy...or something (frowns) (Summer picks up the red swim suit and looks at it) CUT TO: Cohen backyard, night - Seth and Summer are opposite each other in the hot tub, we see Marissa get in near Summer Summer: so where is Atwood anyway Seth: I don't know, but I don't care Marissa: yeah I haven't seen him for a while (frowns) Seth: yeah but look at it this way, the hot tubs roomier (Marissa/Summer look at him) plus, two girls an a guy I like those odds (Summer and Marissa look at each other) Summer: you know what (looks at Seth, Marissa does to) your right Cohen (nods) hot tub, house to (looks at Marissa) ourselves (Seth looks at them) Marissa: I have been kinda lonely (looks at Summer) and I have kissed a girl before (smiles, touches Summers shoulder suggestively) Summer: (laughs, smiles, looks at Marissa) (Marissa smiles and shrugs at Seth) an I've always wanted to Seth: uhhh, you guys are kidding (smiles a little uncomfortably) Summer: you know what they say Cohen (moves closer, Marissa does as well) what happens (raises eyebrow) in the hot tub Marissa: stays in the hot tub (Summer laughs) Seth: yeah, you guys are really committed to this joke, I commend you (looks down) (Summer and Marissa are now either side of Seth, they have their hands on his chest/shoulders, and strangely he doesn't seem to be enjoying it) Marissa: who's joking Summer: yeah Seth: oh Summer: (rubs Seth's chest) Cohen whats'a matter Seth: nothin Marissa: (cutesy, touches Seth's ear) your not man enough for two girls Seth: I gotta call Ryan (leaves the hot tub) (Summer and Marissa laugh as Seth gets out, they clearly enjoyed torturing Seth. poor guy) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Ryan is under the kitchen sink and Sadie is there with him holding a flashlight, just not under as far. Ryan is trying to fix the pipe Sadie: be gentle that pipe is old Ryan: uh-hh yeah, if you're such an expert why'd you ask for my help Sadie: (laughs) I didn't ask for your help Ryan: that's alright, almost got it Sadie: mm-hmm Ryan: almost Sadie: wait hold on, not so hard not so hard, your gonna break it, your gonna break it Ryan: no its (pulls on the pipe) its not gonna break Sadie: don't do it so hard (the pipe breaks and water sprays out over them, Ryan and Sadie quickly get out) Sadie: quick turn it off Ryan: I got it I got it Sadie: (laughs) thankyou for the help Ryan: here's a towel (playfully puts it in Sadie's face) any time at your service, you're too dry though Sadie: (laughs) that's mean Ryan: you ok, fine, oh (we hear a knock at the door. Sadie wipes the front of her with a tea towel. Ryan motions to the door) Sadie: ill get that, an some towels (Ryan wipes his face and Sadie heads to the door, she fixes her top and then looks towards the door. we hear what sounds like police communication and see flashing blue and red lights through the glass panel. Sadie looks worried. back in the kitchen Ryan's phone rings, he sighs and then answers) Ryan: hey man (we see Sadie open the door. 2 policemen are standing there. Sadie looks worried) Officer: is this the Harper residence, got some questions ma'm (we now see Seth on his phone near the hot tub, we can hear Marissa and Summer laughing) Seth: you were suppose'ta be here an hour ago Ryan: yeah I know I'm sorry we just finished painting an the sink got clogged Seth: I've got two girls in bikinis tryin'a seduce me (we see Summer and Marissa looking over at Seth, still smiling and laughing) Seth: which sounds awesome, but I'm scared...an I'm wet an I'm cold Ryan Ryan: ok alright ill be right there, just gotta towel off Seth: (frowns) why d'you need ta towel off (Ryan hangs up and puts his phone down, then looks over towards the door. a dazed Sadie comes back into the kitchen, and the officers are still at the door) Sadie: you should probably go home Ryan: what're they doing here Sadie: they have some questions about Johnny Ryan: an what kinda questions Sadie: (frowns) there saying his death might not'a been an accident Ryan: no, I saw what happened I was there Sadie: I know, so do they, just... go home I got this (pushes Ryan towards the back door) Ryan: you sure Sadie: go Ryan: yeah ok, yeah (Ryan puts on his jacket and Sadie goes back over to the door. Ryan leaves. we see the flashing lights reflect on the house as he does) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Trailer park, next morning - Marissa and Summer are inside together. Marissa is getting ready for school and Summer is sitting on the bed Summer: I was thinking of having a party, something small maybe you me Seth Ryan Marissa: that's not a party, that's a double date Summer: (thinks) a double date (stands) Coop that's a great idea why don't we do it this weekend Marissa: can we just play it by ear Summer: (arms folded) why, so you can come up with some last minute excuse to get out of it Marissa: (sighs) hey it wasn't me who didn't show last night that was Ryan Summer: that's true, did you guys come up with some sort of system or something (points) Marissa: look ill call him later, we'll figure out a time to sit down an talk, ok (Marissa and Summer walk out of the bedroom area into the kitchen) Summer: you know, I love our pep talks, so affirming, wish I could have em with my dad Marissa: (frowns) what's wrong with your dad Summer: oh he's jus been working hellacious hours ever since step monster left, he was still asleep when I left this morning Marissa: (shrugs) well maybe he's just busy Summer: yeah well that's the point, he's been burying himself in his work to avoid staring into the emotional void Marissa: I'm sure he'll snap out of it Summer: (looks at Marissa) yeah, so will you an Ryan (smiles confidently) (Marissa looks at Summer and then her phone rings) Summer: what did I tell ya, ill be outside (smiles, leaves) (Marissa sighs and then answers) Marissa: hello...yeah this is CUT TO: Johnny's house - Sadie is on the phone to Gwen, Johnny's mom Sadie: no Aunt Gwen you just stay up there with my mom (we see Ryan and Seth come in the back door) Sadie: I don't know, I don't know but ill figure it out (Ryan looks worried) Seth: (points to the sink) I love what you've done there (Ryan sighs) probably get a cable show ta pay for that ? TVs extremely sad home makeovers (Ryan nods) Sadie: no ones taking your house (Ryan/Seth look over) I promise, ok, love you bye (hangs up) Ryan: hey (Sadie walks over) so I just thought id stop by before school, see how everything's going Sadie: the banks gonna foreclose on my aunts mortgage, an until the cops figure out how Johnny died...there's no insurance money from his accident, so now the insurance companies frozen the claim Ryan: he fell off a cliff Seth: yeah what'do they think Ryan pushed him Sadie: I guess they've recovered some new evidence Ryan: (frowns) what evidence Sadie: I don't know, they wouldn't say (Ryan looks at her, then Seth frowns) don't worry its not you there interested in (frowns) they asked alotta questions about Marissa Ryan: and Sadie: an I said they should talk ta her (Ryan nods) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Julie is sitting at the table which has New Match paper work all over it, Kirsten is standing near her Kirsten: as you can tell we are over our advertising budget for the month (Julie doesn't appear to be paying attention) maybe we can put something up on (Julie yawns) ocnewmatch dot com, we could call our old Newport publisher an see if he could put New Match (sits) in one of his high end lifestyle magazines Julie: you want some more coffee (stands) Kirsten: Julie are you even listening to me Julie: yes, of course I'm listening you've been talking ever since I got here Kirsten: (looks at Julie) what's going on with you, you've been zombie-like all week Julie: ooooh (moves head side to side) another late one with Doc Roberts, in the back of his Maserati no less Kirsten: I didn't know Maserati's had back seats (Julie looks at her) maybe you two should stop sneaking around an go public Julie: I don't disagree an neither does my chiropractor (sighs) but you know with the death of Marissa's friend an Summer being left motherless for the second time we just don't wanna make any unnecessary waves (Julie takes a sip of her coffee and we hear a phone ring. Julie looks at who is calling and then answers) Julie: hello (we now see Neil on his phone, heading towards his car) Neil: good morning gorgeous, how'd you sleep Julie: all by my lonesome Neil: yeah well we've gotta do something about that don't we (picks up a note on the car, it reads "Quit working so late! miss you, Sum) just found a note from Summer I think she's getting suspicious (Julie listens) I hate keeping secrets from the kids you know Julie: yes, well maybe we should discuss that...covertly of course (smiles) Neil: (now in the car) how bout tomorrow night, I know the perfect hide away Julie: well I like the sound of that (laughs) ok ill see you tomorrow (hangs up) (Kirsten looks over at Julie) Julie: oh Kiks I'm so tired I could really use a quick cat nap, wake me in twenty (Julie walks off and Kirsten looks at her in disbelief) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Matt is in his office, on the phone Matt: well I pulled the permits unfortunately I think I left them at- (we hear a knock and Matt looks over towards the doorway. Maya is standing there with papers in her hand, smiling) Matt: uhh scratch that ill fax them from here (hangs up, stands) Maya: you need'ta start tying a little string around your finger Matt: do I (kisses Maya) Maya: mm, yesterday it was your wallet, Monday it was your Blackberry Matt: well, I find you very distracting in the morning (Maya laughs) in the afternoon, late at night (kisses Maya) Maya: mm does that mean you're comin over tonight Matt: mm-hmm (nods, kisses Maya) Sandy: Matt we are way outta time with the hospital you gotta talk ta- (Sandy sees that Maya is with Matt now) Sandy: Maya, what a nice suprise Maya: morning Sandy your looking well (smiles) Sandy: oh you too, I'm sorry ta interrupt (to Matt) buzz me when you're free Maya: oh he's free now, nobody respects company time like a company girl (smiles) Matt: umm thankyou for uh Maya: yeah ill have my assistant pick up some string for those fingers (Matt half smiles) (to Sandy) say hello to Kirsten for me Sandy: you bet (Maya leaves and Matt looks at Sandy) Sandy: already with the early office drop in, you two are really hittin it off Matt: yeah she is really great Sandy: well I'm glad to hear it, cause if we don't get that proposal to Dr Griffin an the board by Monday (shakes head) we're dad in the water Matt: (looks down then at Sandy) yeah I know, but the way things are between Maya an I right now I jus cant come out an ask her to get us a meeting with her dad, if I don't do this the right way it could all backfire Sandy: (looks at Matt) you need to come through (nods)...the clock is ticking (Matt watches Sandy as he leaves) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Summer are in the student lounge together, Summer is on her phone and Seth is reading next to her Summer: um yeah can you just tell him that his daughter called again (Seth looks at her) thanks (hangs up, sadly) oy Seth: as in vey (Summer looks at him) (clicks) atta girl Summer: apparently my dads in "surgery" all day, how many calf implants does it take to fill a hole (raises eyebrows) in the human heart (Taylor comes over and sits between Seth and Summer) Taylor: hi friends Seth: hey Summer: oh hey Taylor: (looks at Seth) so what're we (looks at Summer) talking about Seth: Summers worried her dads burying his pain an loneliness in his work Taylor: oooh (frowns, looks at Summer) that's so sad Summer: yeah Taylor: what's the plan (Seth and Summer both look at Taylor, frowning) Taylor: you guys don't have a plan Summer: (shrugs) do you Taylor: off the top of my head, um (looks at Summer) get him inta therapy to explore the route of why he cant express himself in a lasting partnership (holds up finger) or, find him a hot date, take his mind off being utterly alone Summer: (nods) huh Taylor: (softly to Seth) does he still have the things on his thing Seth: no no no, a little penicillin cleared that right up Taylor: great Seth: looks fantastic (Taylor looks at him) (nods) Taylor: (frowns) good, that's good (Summer looks at her) an you know I would offer up my mom but she's not a big second chancer Summer: (fakes disappointment) oh Taylor: what about getting Seth's mom to take your dad as a client (Summer looks as though she's considering it) Seth: that's not a bad idea Summer: yeah but the last person that should be choosing my dads next great love, is my dad but me on the other hand I could make a list of all the stuff that he should (raises eyebrows) be looking for and pick the girl myself Taylor: that's good, an ill start brainstorming on ideas for fun things for old people to do on a first date (smiles excitedly) Summer: hm Seth: hmm (Seth, Taylor & Summer all look as though they are trying to think, but not having much luck - the next thing we see is Ryan walking over to Marissa at her locker) Ryan: hey, I've ben tryin'a find you Marissa: (looks) oh Ryan: police talk to you Marissa: (looks at Ryan) yeah, they call you too, they must wanna talk to everyone who was there Ryan: uh no actually uh Sadie said they only asked her about you Marissa: me Ryan: yeah, you want me ta go with you Marissa: ...no, no it's ok whatever it is I don't wanna drag you into it at the same time: Marissa: so how's that j- Ryan: look I'm- (Ryan and Marissa look at each other. Marissa half smiles and looks down then at Ryan) Ryan: look I- I know I haven't been around much lately Marissa: its ok, you're helping Gwen that's important Ryan: yeah actually I need'a go over there after school but um...maybe we could get together later, talk Marissa: yeah of course, ill uh ill call you, tell Sadie I say hi (starts to walk away) Ryan: you know you might wanna see Sandy about the police Marissa: (looks) I'm sure it's nothing, but thanks (smiles) (Ryan watches Marissa as she walks away) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Ryan comes in the backdoor holding a bucket full of supplies Ryan: (calls) hey, so I figured we'd start by patchin up the wall (sighs) which is really more fun than it sounds (Sadie comes out) Sadie: no its not Ryan: no its not (looks at Sadie) you look like your on a mission Sadie: (puts on jacket) that's because I am Ryan: everything ok Sadie: uhh it will be, once I get done smacking that stupid bastard around Ryan: ooo who's gettin smacked around Sadie: my uncle Ryan: Johnny's dad Sadie: if you wanna call him that, so the patching'll have'ta wait until after I get back from Brea Ryan: yeah, sure, d'you want'a ride Sadie: I've got a car (smiles) Ryan: well your gonna need some company Sadie: (closes eyes) I kinda already have some (Ryan looks towards the front door just as Volchok comes in) Volchok: hey what's up you ready to roll Ryan: what is this guy doin here Volchok: that's funny (points) because I was just about to ask her (points to Sadie) the same thing about you Ryan: yeah well you've always been kinda slow Volchok: yeah but I'm quick at kickin your ass Ryan: running away is more how I remember it (Sadie looks from Ryan to Volchok. unimpressed by the so called pissing contest they have going) Volchok: ah really, well id love to jump back in the ring (Ryan raises his eyebrows as if to say anytime) Sadie: you know what too much testosterone (Ryan looks at her) Volchok's dad use'ta be drinking buddies with Jack Harper so he knows where we can find him Ryan: alright (looks at Volchok) then he can give us the address Volchok: mm well, I'm kinda lookin forward to a road trip (looks at Sadie) you know catchin up Ryan: (confidently) we'll send you a postcard (raises eyebrows) Sadie: Ryan (shakes head) don't (Sadie goes over to get a piece of paper. Ryan watches her and then looks at Volchok. Volchok smiles) Sadie: (holds out pen & paper to Volchok) why don't you just write down the address (Volchok takes the pen and paper and starts writing) Volchok: whatever, any chance to avoid Johnny's dad sounds good to me, I hate that guy Sadie: thanks, ill send him your best (Volchok heads towards the door then stops and points at Ryan) Volchok: so if your gonna be with her (points to Sadie) does that mean your girlfriends all alone (Ryan looks at him) what goes around comes around (Volchok looks at Ryan and then closes the door behind him. Ryan doesn't look happy with the notion of Volchok going after Marissa) CUT TO: A desert road - Sadie is driving and Ryan is in the passenger seat Ryan: (off screen) you wanna tell me the deal with you an Volchok Sadie: (off screen) I was visiting Johnny one summer, when I was younger, stupid, it didn't work out Ryan: (off screen) hard ta believe (on screen) you wanna take the five to the fifty seven, its faster Sadie: (laughs) oh right because you know so much about driving inland, when was the last time your parents (Ryan looks at her) eighty thousand dollar SUV was east of South Coast Plaza Ryan: (looks at Sadie) the Cohen's are my guardians, not my parents...grew up in Chino, dads in prison my mum...couldn't make it work Sadie: I just knew there was something about you that didn't quite fit in Ryan: mm Sadie: (smiles) in a good way (Ryan half smiles) I wonder if your dad knows my Uncle Jack Ryan: why would he Sadie: from prison, he's ben in a couple times (Ryan nods) id put him back if I could (Ryan listens) he owes my aunt years of child support, he's her last hope, now she needs that money Ryan: so you think you can turn him? Sadie: if I don't try who will (we see Sadie's hair blwing in the wind as the car drives past and then gets further away) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Matt is in his office writing something and Sandy walks in Sandy: what would you feel about dinner Matt: (looks up) sure, whatever you feel like Sandy: tomorrow night (Matt looks at him) me you Kirsten an Maya Matt: (sits forward) sounds good (Sandy sits) have you been locked in your office all day plannin our social lives Sandy: let me ask Maya about the proposal Matt: ...Sandy I said id do it Sandy: no its better this way, ill bring it up, it'll be easier (before Matt has a chance to respond there is a knock. Marissa is standing in the doorway) Sandy: (stands) Marissa, come on in Marissa: hey, I went by the house (hugs Sandy) Kirsten told me you were here Sandy: oh the doors always open honey (points) you remember Matt (Matt waves) Marissa: I think I need some legal advice, the cops wanna talk to me about Johnny...they don't seem ta think it was an accident Sandy: did they suspect Ryan's to blame for this Marissa: no, I actually think there tryin'a blame me Sandy: (suprised) you Marissa: yeah I don't know what's going on (frowns) I just know I'm suppose'ta be at the station right now giving them a statement Sandy: (nods) well ill call an get that rescheduled, we'll do it at the house Marissa: eh oh if you don't mind id kind of like to keep Ryan outta this Sandy: of course (raises eyebrows, nods) Matt: feel free to use my place Sandy: thanks Matt, but before that we'll need to sit down an go over what your gonna say, an your gonna have'ta tell me everything you know about Johnny...an you...an that night (Marissa looks worried) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten and Julie are still at the table with New Match paperwork all over the table. Summer comes in Kirsten: oh hey Summer I didn't know you were joining us tonight (Julie looks) Seth just went out ta pick up dinner Summer: oh, actually I came to see you guys Kirsten: oh, is everything ok Summer: (frowns) well no, not really, it's my dad he needs like serious an immediate help with his love life (Kirsten and Julie look at each other) Julie: really what-what (looks at Summer) makes you say that Summer: I've never seen him so miserable, he's barely ever at home he's either at work which is so lame (Kirsten looks at Julie) or at the gym which is just weird (frowns) he's already dropped like twenty pounds Julie: well, maybe he's getting into shape incase he meets that special someone Kirsten: or maybe he's already met her Summer: oh please don't say that (shakes head) my dad has disastrous taste in women, if I don't step in he'll wind up with the first money grubbing slut bag that gets into the back seat of his Maserati (at this point Summer goes out of focus in the foreground and Julie comes into focus in the background, she has her mouth wide open in shock) Kirsten: Julie would you like to take this (Summer turns and looks at Julie. Julie holds out her hand but doesn't say anything, speechless perhaps, lol) Summer: actually, all I need is like a list'a candidates cause I did all the work myself (Summer holds out a folder to Kirsten. Kirsten takes a look at some photos) Kirsten: there all blonde (Julie looks at Kirsten, worried) Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct Summer: the look my dad goes for (Julie takes the folder from Kirsten and looks through it herself) Summer: um an this is a list of non negotiable qualifications that she must possess (Summer holds out the list to Kirsten, Kirsten goes to take it but Julie grabs it first) Julie: (reads) mental sab, crossword enthusiast (worried) (Summer nods) love horses (shows Kirsten) Kirsten: (reads) must have own money, plastic surgery free, fluent in Italian, this doesn't leave much wiggle room Summer Summer: its just that my dad didn't have much in common with his first two wives an they left so...its just not fair to (shrugs) him or me (Julie and Kirsten look at each other) Julie: ok well we'll see what we can do Summer: really, thankyou guys so much this means so much to me (Kirsten smiles) (points)I'm gonna go see if my dads actually coming home tonight (smiles) bye (Summer leaves .Julie looks at Kirsten worriedly) Kirsten: (smiles) what're you gonna do Julie Julie: I don't know, is it possible I'm not enough woman for him, do I really need to be all these things (points) Kirsten: Julie you are never gonna be any'a these things (Julie looks at her) ok blonde maybe, fluent in Italian (shakes head) not so much, you have'ta tell Summer the truth (Julie looks very reluctant) CUT TO: Brea - we see Ryan and Sadie out the front of a house, the yard has debris all over it Ryan: guy really keeps up on his yard work Sadie: yeah Uncle Jack is a really good neighbour (Sadie knocks on the door and a scruffy looking guy answers) Sadie: hi (looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at her) we're looking for Jack Harper but...your not him Guy: what he in some kinda trouble Ryan: n- no no no no, no trouble Sadie: n-no g-good news actually Guy: too bad, I frikkin hate that guy Sadie: he owes someone money an we're tryin'a collect Guy: he moved to Indio, that's all I know Ryan: uh phone number (shrugs) forwarding address Guy: no one around here is lookin to keep in touch Sadie: ok, thankyou for your help Guy: you find Jack Harper you won't be thanking me (the guy shuts the door. Ryan and Sadie walk away) Ryan: so we're goin ta Indio Sadie: Ryan Indio's like two hours inta the desert, we wont even be able to start looking until morning Ryan: yeah, so we spend the night Sadie: (looks at Ryan) you know I think you might be missed Ryan: I will make some calls (Sadie looks at Ryan and hands the car keys to him) Sadie: (shakes head) you don't have'ta do this Ryan: I want to (Ryan heads back to the car and Sadie follows him) CUT TO: A restaurant - we see Neil walk in and the guy at the front motions to where Julie is. the camera then moves to Julie, we see her legs and then gradually the rest of her. she is sitting at the table dressed like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, right down to the cigarette in her hand. she is doing a crossword on the table Neil: Julie Julie: (looks up) Buona sera doctor Neil: (looks at Julie suprised) Buona sera Julie: what's a thirteen letter word for secretive Neil: surreptitious, I don't think you can smoke here (sits) (Julie shrugs and puts the cigarette down) Neil: Julie what is all this Julie: oh do you like it (un crosses legs and re crosses them towards Neil) (smiles) because tonight is all about you Neil: ...I didn't...know you do crosswords (Julie smiles - over at the door we see Taylor on the phone. I apologise in advance for my poor skills here but I can barely understand what they say led alone write it) Taylor: no mom there out of bibimbap Guy: settle down? Taylor: uh how bout pogo oui? Guy: (nods) two'a those Taylor: (nods) szesnan taru jutsao (the guy nods and smiles) mom next time let me call in the order (laughs) I know that's why they call it Korean barbeque, ok goodbye (hangs up, frustrated) amunindey (the guy laughs and says something which I can't hear properly, and nods to Taylor) Taylor: ne (the guy walks off and Taylor notices Neil inside. she can't see that Julie is with him. she starts walking over and then stops) Julie: (off screen) so what'll it be hm, blonde Italian philanthropist, I can be all of them (we see a close up Taylor's shocked face) tell me in your wildest dreams what would you do with a willing woman Neil: (off screen) ok (Taylor makes an oh sound and keeps watching them) CUT TO: Trailer park - Marissa is sitting on the verandah leaning against the trailer, she's also on the phone to Summer Summer: (off screen) so did you guys make plans to talk or what Marissa: yeah, we agreed we'd talk we just didn't pick a time or a place (we now see Summer on the phone in her house) Summer: Coop, usually a time an place are crucial aspects to any plan Marissa: I know Summer: look don't be scared, you an Ryan have been getting along ok Marissa: (scoffs) yeah that's because we haven't been talking Summer: (frowns, worried) just call him (Marissa doesn't say anything) do it! Marissa: fine, bye (Marissa hangs up and stares off in the distance) CUT TO: A motel - we see Ryan looking out of the window before closing the curtains. Sadie comes out of the bathroom with wet hair Ryan: (holds up cards) you play poker Sadie: what's the pot Ryan: uhhh well I got like twenty bucks on me Sadie: mm that's not gonna do it Ryan: (laughs, looks at Sadie) then what Sadie: ...you ever play strip poker Ryan: (raises eyebrows suprised) yes, yes I have (Sadie smiles) played strip poker, I think I'm wearing more clothes than you are though Sadie: yes but I think I'm a way better player Ryan: you think so Sadie: mm-hmm, yeah, just deal Ryan: ok (Ryan and Sadie sit on the bed across from each other) Ryan: uh-hm Sadie: loser sleeps on the floor, which basically means your gonna be sleeping on the floor Ryan: sure, sure, sure (Ryan shuffles the cards just as his phone rings. he looks over at his phone which is lying LCD side down, he turns it over and we see that it says CA MARISSA, Ryan just stares at it ringing) Sadie: your bookie (smiles) Ryan: no, no it's just Seth...I'll call him in the morning (Ryan goes back to shuffling - we then see Marissa with her phone to her ear and she hears this msg: Ryan: hey its Ryan, leave a message Marissa hangs up without leaving a message, we see a close up of her face, she almost looks sad, that fades to a sht of waves crashing on the beach and then that fades to Ryan and Sadie laughing with each other, this fades to a sht of the motel from outside) CUT TO: Motel, next morning - we see the door open on a dark room, the light that the door lets in lets us see that Ryan is on the floor. he opens his eyes a little. Sadie is standing in the doorway with food and coffee Sadie: room service Ryan: (leans up) what's on the menu (squints) Sadie: black coffee an jelly doughnuts, courtesy of the circle k, full set service? Ryan: I gotta remember this place (gets up) (the next thing we see is Ryan sitting at the outside table on the verandah, Sadie comes out with the yellow pages in her hand) Sadie: so I flipping through the yellow pages...an I found this (Sadie puts the yellow pages down on the table and taps on a specific add. it says 24-HOUR BAIL BONDS underneath that it has BIG and a fancy H in a circle, there is more details etc underneath but they aren't important) Ryan: (looks) hmm, think that's him Sadie: when we were kids he was big H an Johnny was little H so I think its gotta be Ryan: alright (sighs) I'm gonna shower (sniffs) wake myself up (stands) I didn't actually sleep so well last night Sadie: hey if you wanna sleep in a bed, don't bluff with a pair (Sadie smiles, Ryan starts to go inside) Sadie: did you call Seth back CUT TO: The pool house - we see Seth rolling around on Ryan's bed, in the covers etc. his phone rings and he answers it Seth: dude, where are you (we now see Ryan on his phone, on the verandah of the motel near the pool) Ryan: Indio (sighs) how much trouble am I in Seth: uhh none yet mom an dad think your helping inner city kids paint a overpass mural, I'm rolling around in your bed right now so it looks slept in Ryan: yeah you'd probably do that anyway Seth: so, how bout a little gratitude Ryan: your right I owe you uh (sighs) but trust me it's for a good cause Seth: any chance you wanna clue me in on what that cause is Ryan: the less you know the better, uh jus keep doin what your doin, except the bed thing that's just creepy (hangs up) (Seth hangs up, thinks for a few seconds and then pulls the covers back over himself as he rolls. Taylor walks in) Taylor: Seth what're you doing Seth: Ryan's painting a mural (sits up quickly, he has bed hair, lol) Taylor: what're you doing Seth: hey (frowns) what're you doing here, how'd you get in Taylor: you know never mind all that this is an emergency (holds up hand) Summers going to majorly wig when she finds out who her dad is dating Seth: yeah well whoever it is, stayin out of it Taylor: (matter of factly) Julie Cooper (Seth frowns) I caught them having an illicit liaison an the way they were talking was totally perverted (shakes head) Seth: wow, wait perverted how Taylor: (screws up face) just what are we gonna tell Summer (Seth points to Taylor and mouths "you". Summer of course comes in) Summer: what's who gonna tell Summer Seth: (looks at Summer then Taylor) do I need'a call a locksmith Summer: (arms folded, looks at Taylor) what're you doing here T bad? Taylor: uhhh (looks at Seth) you know what she's your girlfriend you should tell her Summer: oh puhlease, not you two again (Seth frowns and shakes his head) Taylor: oh no, no no no I'm totally over that weirdness no (Seth frowns, nods) uh your dad an Julie Cooper are doing it (Summer blinks and turns her head, stunned) Taylor: yeah it's a shock to me to (Seth holds his hands out & shrugs) I wouldnt'a believed it myself if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes (Summer looks at her) it was all very mid nineties overwrought thriller, a sort of a Verhoeven shape Summer: (frowns) it's like a Sharon Stone movie, oh my god Seth: ok but hold on this kind of broad reveal requires independent confirmation (raises eyebrows) Taylor: fine, you can see for yourself, I happen to know where there next tryst is going to be CUT TO: Driving range - we see a golf ball sitting on a tee Neil: (off screen) keep your eye on the ball and (swings golf club) swing through it, ok (we can now see that Neil and Julie are there together, Julie has a cute little red and white golfing outfit on, she looks quite the part) Neil: go ahead, your turn, come on Julie: oh (reluctant) Neil I am not very athletic (Julie stands near the tee and Neil stands behind her, aww) Neil: spread your feet a little bit, ok, let the grip rest gently in your hand (Julie smiles) you keep your eye on the ball an your gonna swing through the ball, ok Julie: ok Neil: raise the club gently (raises the club with Julie) Julie: (stops) now if I break a nail, your next fantasy better involve a French manicure Neil: are we gonna do this now Julie: mm-hmm (nods, smiles) Neil: look at the ball Julie: ok, ok, yes (we see Julie and Neil swing together and she actually hits the ball. we then see Summer and Seth nearby in a golf cart, Seth is driving) Summer: there's no way, this is my dad's favourite place he would not bring a woman here Seth: maybe he doesn't think of Julie as an actual woman, just a golf buddy (Summer looks through binoculars just as Neil and Julie share a kiss and then a hug) Seth: who he makes out with Summer: (screws up face) I cannot believe this (looks at Seth, hits him) lets go (Summer looks through the binoculars again and we see Julie in Neil's arms, her feet are actually off the ground, you know that kind of hug) Seth: (mesmerised) ok Summer: let's go! (Seth reverses the golf cart and they start to leave) Summer: that's so horrible Seth: I think there cute CUT TO: Bail bonds in Indio - Sadie and Ryan walk up to the door. Ryan opens it and motions after you to Sadie. the next thing we see is the inside of the shop, as Sadie and Ryan walk in we can see a gn being cleaned in the foreground Ryan: (shuts door) Jack Harper in (there is a scruffy looking guy sitting at a far table. Ryan and Sadie are near him) Guy: he's out on a job, if you need a bond i can- Ryan: we're not here about a bond, we uh we're lookin for him (guy looks at him) Sadie: when d'you expect him back Guy: who wants to know Sadie: well his dad son (raises eyebrows) for starters Guy: (scoffs, shakes head) get outta here Ryan: we- we don't mind waiting Guy: (stands) I got authority to protect this property with lethal force (Sadie/Ryan look at him) you know what that means Ryan: means we'll be out in the car Guy: yeah (Ryan opens the door for Sadie and they leave. the guy picks up the phone and starts to dial) CUT TO: The cliff where Johnny fell - we see a yellow police line has been set up which is being held in place by several white barriers. we hear Johnny's voice very echo'y and distant, from that night Johnny v.o: hey Marissa, come up here, you gotta check this view (we see that Marissa is standing near the barriers, in a thoughtful daze. we then hear a mans voice more clearly) Detective v.o: was your friend Johnny a big drinker Marissa v.o: no (we are now with Sandy, Marissa and a man in Matt's apartment. the man that asked the question is a Detective and it seems Marissa is thinking back to the deposition) Detective: but he was drinking that night, any idea why Sandy: your asking her ta speculate (we see Marissa at the cliff again. she's looking out towards the water with her arms folded. we are seeing mainly the back of her) Detective v.o: are you aware of anything that happened to Johnny that day, anything that might of made him want to drink (we see a grey scale flashback of Johnny standing on the cliff with the bottle in his hand, motioning for Marissa to join him. from 314 of course) Detective v.o: a fight with a friend or (we then see Marissa and Kaitlin looking up at Johnny terrified, at the same time we can hear Johnny's voice in an echo) Johnny v.o: as bad as I wanna be with you, I love you an I think you love me too (we see a sht of Marissa thinking, this is still the deposition Marissa and not the one at the cliff. it then flashbacks to the scene from 306, the moment when Johnny confides in Marissa about what he did. we then see Marissa with Sandy and the detective guy again. Marissa looks at Sandy, Sandy looks at her) Detective: (off screen) yes or no Sandy: excuse me detective we need a minute (stands) alone please Detective: (reads) what we're doing here (we can now see that the detective is reading the burnt letter which is inside an evidence bag) Detective v.o: isn't only unfair to you it's unfair to (while the detective talks we see a flashback of Johnny reading the letter by the fre, we then see Johnny screw it up) Detective v.o: this next parts brned here Marissa: Ryan (closes eyes) to Ryan (looks over at the letter) (we then see a flashback from 306 of Johnny and Marissa standing together after Johnny confides in her, the sun has just started to set) Marissa v.o: I'm with you Ryan v.o: but that's not the whole story is it Detective v.o: recovered from a fre pit on the beach (we see a flashback of Johnny throwing the letter into the fre. then we see Marissa starting to look upset and hear more of the detective reading the letter) Detective: (off screen) I'm not in love with you (Marissa closes her eyes, its clearly hard for her to hear it) and I never will be Sandy: may I see that (the detective hands Sandy the evidence bag, we then see another flashback from that night, Marissa is looking up at Johnny just before he fell) Detective v.o: seems like Johnny took the news pretty hard Johnny: (echo'y) Marissa...Ryan Atwood saves the Detective v.o: I can't imagine that it made your boyfriend very happy either Marissa: (scared) Johnny (we then see Ryan trying to convince Johnny to come down) Marissa: Ryan didn't even know this existed (looks at Detective) he has nothing to do with this Sandy: jus let him ask his question Marissa: no its ok I wanna tell him (looks at Detective) Ryan didn't push him (we see another flash back of Johnny standing close to the edge) Johnny: (calls) hey Marissa Marissa v.o: and Johnny didn't commit su1c1de (we see Marissa and Kaitlin looking up at Johnny, and then Johnny with his hands outstretched just before he falls) Marissa v.o: if you really wanna know what happened he slipped (we see Johnny's feet slide down the rocks and Johnny fall out of the sht, the camera goes down a little like we are following the fall but all we see is the rocks of the cliff face) Kaitlin v.o: (echo'y) Johnny (we now see Marissa at the cliff again, the reliving/remembering everything has upset her and she kicks one of the white barriers down which knocks another one over. she moves closer the edge and then turns to walk away, as she does she stops. Volchok is standing there looking at her. Marissa looks at him and pushes hair behind her ear, he looks at her and holds out a flask) Marissa: no thanks Volchok: you know uh Johnny an I use'ta be friends...yeah he an Chili use'ta follow me an the guys around, try an get us to teach em how'ta surf Marissa: ...(shrugs) yeah well what happened Volchok: he got better'en me, an I didn't like that Marissa: your secrets safe with me (starts to walk away) I should go Volchok: look (Marissa looks) if you ever wanna kick it or hang out or somethin...I'm around Marissa: I'm not interested Volchok: you sure about that (Marissa looks at him) I can keep a secret too (Volchok turns towards the water and Marissa looks as though she's thinking) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Kirsten is in there and Sandy comes in Kirsten: how'd it go Sandy: well there were a few suprises, but there doesn't seem to be any material evidence pointing ta su1c1de or foul play so if that's the case (shakes head) they'll have no choice but to rule it a- an accident Kirsten: I'm glad (looks at Sandy, moves closer) honey you look exhausted Sandy: well thankyou darling you look beautiful as always (Kirsten smiles) I was up most'a the night putting the finishing touches on this hospital proposal Kirsten: maybe we should reschedule this dinner with Matt an Maya for next weekend Sandy: oh I wish we could (takes off jacket, sighs) but it'd defeat the whole purpose Kirsten: I thought the purpose was dinner Sandy: well dinner, an Maya's our only chance at getting a second hearing at the hospital board Kirsten: (looks at Sandy then walks away) well the way those two have been getting along I think he really likes her, I thought you abandoned this idea weeks ago Sandy: why would we abandon it, she's not naive, she might wanna help Kirsten: (puts on jacket) well she might wanna re think the relationship if it doesn't go well, I know I would Sandy: oh honey we're all adults here...an this project has the potential to do an awful lotta good (Sandy walks past Kirsten, Kirsten looks worried) CUT TO: Bail bonds Indio - Sadie and Ryan are sitting in the car waiting for Jack to show up. Sadie has a big drink Sadie: stakeouts are so much cooler in movies Ryan: (takes drink) yeah that's cause they cut right to the part where the guy shows up (a black nice looking truck pulls in front of Sadie's car and stops closer to the shop) Sadie: that's him come on (Ryan nods and they both get out of the car. Jack gets out of his truck and heads towards the shop) Ryan: (off screen) (calls) Jack Harper (Jack turns around and looks at Ryan and Sadie. he looks like the typical deadbeat dad) Jack: who's asking Ryan: friend'a your sons Jack: I don't have a son (keeps walking) Sadie: I know Uncle Jack, It's why we're here Jack: (turns around) Sadie Sadie: Aunt Gwen says thanks for the card you sent Jack: I didn't send her a card Sadie: yeah an you know what else you didn't send, child support for like the last three years Jack: see I needed that money to start my business Sadie: really, so is this truck here (points) apart'a your business Jack: yeah, matter'a fact it is (Ryan looks at Jack. Sadie is over at Jacks truck) Sadie: oh, its nice (Jack nods smugly) you must be doin pretty well so I'm sure you wont mind just paying her whatever you owe her Jack: (points) I don't owe that bitch, anything (Jack turns and heads towards the door to the shop. Sadie takes a pipe out of the back of the truck) Ryan: (sees) Sadie (Sadie quickly goes to the front of the truck and hits it hard. Jack laughs but its more of an you've gotta be kidding me kind. Ryan looks from Sadie to Jack) Jack: (points) your jokin right (Sadie looks at Jack with a determined look and then smashes the side mirror. by this point everyone in the shop has come out to see what's going on. Jack runs over to Sadie and Ryan tries to stop him) Jack: come here, give me (grabs Sadie from behind) Ryan: get off her (Ryan tries to pull Jack off Sadie, Sadie says something but I can't make out what it is) Ryan: get off'a her! (Jacks friends try and get Ryan off him. Ryan grabs one of them around the waist and slams him into a car. the guy from inside earlier, is holding Sadie and Jack goes over to Ryan) Sadie: get off me, let go of me, let go Jack: you know what, this aint high school kid (Jack's buddies hold Ryan for him and he punches him hard in the face. Ryan's head flies back) Sadie: (screams) stop! (we see Jack laying into Ryan through a reflection near the car) Sadie: stop it, get off of me (jumps, tries to wriggle free) Ryan! (after a few punches Jack and his buddies throw Ryan to the concrete and he just lays there. Jack steps over him and we can see his bloody face) Sadie: get off me, get off, get off me (upset, screams) Ryan! let go, Ryan! (the guy holding Sadie doesn't let her go, then we see Ryan's face again. his nose, mouth, cheek and eyebrow are covered in blood and he breathes in but it looks painful. his eyes are closed. poor guy!) CUT TO: A diner in Indio - Sadie and Ryan are sitting at a table together. Sadie dabs at Ryan's wounds Sadie: I'm sorry Ryan: (closes eyes) no its (laughs, pulls away) not that bad, except when you do that Sadie: no I meant I'm sorry that I dragged you inta this Ryan: (raises eyebrows) yeah well if I remember you kinda begged me not to come (looks at Sadie) (we see a close up of Sadie taking ice out of a bowl on the table. next to the bowl are the car keys Sadie: I just wish we had gotten the money Ryan: yeah what'do you think Johnny's moms gonna do now Sadie: I don't know, Jack was kind'a her last chance (Ryan looks down) Sadie: (frowns) I bet it's kind of hard for you to imagine Gwen married to a guy like that Ryan: (raises eyebrows) easier than you think...turns out Johnny an I kinda had alot in common (looks down) (Ryan swallows and grabs something from the table, he stands to leave) Sadie: are you ok Ryan: (points) I will be (Ryan walks away and Sadie watches him. she then looks down at the table and moves the ice bowl, realising the car keys are gone. we hear the sound of a car starting and Sadie looks out of the window next to her just as Ryan drives off without her) CUT TO: A restaurant - Sandy, Kirsten, Matt & Maya are sitting at a table together, they are all smiling and happy Maya: first time I laid eyes on Matt was at a tailgate party, he was doing a cake stand Matt: no you see I thought it was when you rushed my house as a little sister? Maya: no (raises eyebrows) that's the first time you saw me, I was stalking you for months (smiles) (Matt raises his eyebrow and smiles) Sandy: I use'ta walk behind Kirsten on her way home (Kirsten smiles) she lived on the opposite side'a campus but I lived to watch her walk Kirsten: an I called campus security (raises eyebrows) (Maya smiles) Sandy:ah it was worth every minute I was detained an questioned (Maya laughs, Kirsten smiles at him) now here we are, I'm running Kirsten's fathers company, Matt here has ben workin like a dog (Matt looks at Maya) on a proposal for your dads hospital Maya: (smiles at Matt) yeah, I wish that had worked out Sandy: well (Kirsten looks at him) we don't give up that easily (Maya looks at him) we were hopin you could help us get one more sht with your father (Matt looks uncomfortable) we listened to what he had'ta say an we completely reworked the proposal Maya: well your a (raises eyebrows) passionate man Sandy ill give you that (shrugs) why don't I take a look at it, if I like what I see ill pass it along (nods) we'll set up a meeting for next week Sandy: well we can't wait that long, the board is moving forward on Monday Maya: (looks at Sandy then away) I see Matt: Maya its not a big deal don't worry about it (Kirsten looks uncomfortable) Sandy: it really is that big'a deal, your our only chance (Maya looks at him) (shrugs) I'm sorry in advance if this is putting too much pressure on you (Maya looks away) but this hospital could help alotta people, that's the only reason we're asking...but we are asking, we need your help Kirsten: Sandy we're eating can we at least wait until after dinner (Kirsten looks at Sandy, clearly not happy with him. Sandy looks at her. Maya looks at Matt) Maya: Matt, d'you want me to show the proposal to my father too Matt: ...yeah, I would Maya: ...then id be happy to Sandy (smiles) will you excuse me (Maya leaves the table. Matt follows her. Kirsten looks at Sandy unimpressed) Sandy: she said she'd be happy to (Kirsten looks down, almost disappointed in him) CUT TO: Summers house - we hear kissing sounds and see legs intertwined on the couch. the camera moves up to show Seth on top of Summer, we hear a few giggles from Summer Summer: wait but (Seth kisses her) wait Seth (we hear more kissing and then Summer pushes Seth to the side) Seth: what Summer: (worried) what if her evil plan works an my dad actually falls for her Seth: would that really be the worst thing, you an Marissa are already like sisters (raises eyebro	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x16 - The Road Warrior"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Cohen kitchen, night - Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Ryan are in there together. they've just finished dinner Sandy: baby you did it again, another amazing meal Kirsten: oh my pleasure (looks at Ryan) oh Ryan I forgot to ask (Ryan looks up) d'you have any requests for your birthday on Sunday Seth: (frowns) Sundays your birthday Ryan: (looks at Seth) thanks buddy Sandy: (off screen) not just any birthday (Seth stands) Ryan's turning eighteen (on screen) becoming a fully enfranchised citizen of this (proudly) great democratic experiment we call (looks up patriotically) America Seth: yes we all know you went ta law school the important thing is (looks at Ryan) we need to have a party Ryan: oh nnnn no (shakes hand) no party Seth: but you're turning eighteen, that's huge Ryan: (nonchalantly) nah it's just another year (picks up plates) Sandy: oh I-I- I disagree, yeah I remember when I turned eighteen I couldn't wait to vote in my first election Kirsten: my little eagle scout (smiles) Seth: yeah an if you cross Johnny Law no more of that daycare juvi (shakes head) its gonna be hard time in the big house for you pally Ryan: (looks at Seth, raises eyebrows) yeah that's reason to celebrate Seth: (moves closer) what'do you have against birthday party's Ryan: nothing it's just I think the last birthday I had I was nine years old an my mom took me to the San Diego zoo Seth: sounds awesome an since then your too cool for birthday party's Ryan: (matter of factly) no an then she started having her all day drinking on the couch party's Seth: (looks down) huh (cue awkward silent moment for everyone. Seth especially doesn't know what to say) Seth: (looks at Sandy) d'you wanna tag in here Sandy: look this is one'a life's milestones (Ryan listens) it'd be a mistake to blow passed it Kirsten: it doesn't have'ta be a big to do (Ryan moves his head side to side as if he's considering it) Seth: doesn't have'ta be a big to do (looks at Ryan, hopeful) (Ryan squints and then looks at Seth) Ryan: (gives in) alright (Seth smiles) alright fine as long as its small (points at Seth) Seth: it would have'ta be, you only know like us an Summer an- Ryan: Marissa an I are broken up Seth: (closes eyes) hm Ryan: I'm gonna do some homework Seth: ok (watches Ryan leave) I was totally gonna say Marissa (we see a close up of a phone in Ryan's hand. he's now in the Pool House, just staring down at it with his thumb near the buttons - we then see a cell phone being picked up by Marissa. she's at the lifeguard tower - back to Ryan looking down at the phone in his hand - Marissa closes her cell phone - Ryan throws the phone on his bed and walks away - Marissa stares sadly out at the ocean - Ryan looks out of the door near the pool with his arms folded) Theme Song - California By Phantom Planet Harbor school, next morning - we hear the sound of the bell and then see Marissa walking down the hall. Summer sees her Summer: (calls) Marissa (Marissa looks) wait up Marissa: hey Summer: hey (catches up) how you doin Marissa: fine Summer: called you last night Marissa: oh yeah (frowns) I was out sorry (touches Summers back) I went for a walk, to do some thinking Summer: hmm, thinking (looks at Marissa) (Marissa looks at her) about anything in particular Marissa: Summer, please don't ask if I'm gonna get back together with Ryan Summer: I'm just worried, you haven't been sleeping you've eaten like four peanuts an a banana in the past three days (Marissa looks down) (frowns) Coop you spend all of your time on that lifeguard stand staring out at the water like your a Naval widow Marissa: so we should get back together (shrugs) so I can have a good nights sleep Summer: or you can move on, just do something! Marissa: well, just so you know I did sleep better last night, and this morning I had pancakes for breakfast (smiles) Summer: (looks at Marissa) seriously Marissa: would I lie about pancakes (at this moment Marissa notices Ryan come into the hall further down, Ryan also sees her and quickly turns towards the notice board, attempting to cover his face with his hand. aww) Summer: noo, cause there is something that I have been meaning to talk to you about (Marissa looks shocked/upset at Ryan's attempt to hide) I was waiting for you to be a little less patient zero, its kind of about your mom (Marissa looks at her then glances in Ryan's direction) Marissa (turns around) Marissa: hey can we just talk about this later (starts to leave) alright, call me (leaves) Summer: (shakes head) unbelievable (we see the flyer that Ryan is pretending to read. it says "REGISTER NOW" at the top in white, "Lesbian Alliance" underneath in pink, "PRIDE RUN 2006" underneath that in black, "Big Sister 5k Run" underneath that in a reddy pink. there's more but those are the main bits. Summer walks over to Ryan and notices what he's pretending to read,lol) Summer: thinking of joining the Lesbian Alliance Ryan: (looks up) no Summer: she's gone (Ryan looks in the direction Marissa just was, the bell rings) when are you guys gonna talk you can't keep avoiding each other forever Ryan: (points) I gotta get ta class (Ryan leaves and Summer looks frustrated) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten is sitting at the end of the counter with papers in front of her, Sandy is getting organised for work Sandy: ok I'm off Kirsten: oh Sandy uh there was an idea that I wanted to run by you Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) sh*t Kirsten: ...its just Ryan's birthday is a big deal...and I feel that one of his family should be here (Sandy looks at her) his actual family Sandy: ah, an since his fathers still a guest of the state an Treys a persona non grata for the next couple'a centuries Kirsten: that leaves his mom, now I know the last time Dawn was here it was a little bumpy Sandy: what you mean when she got drunk at casino night an knocked the craps table over (Kirsten closes her eyes) I'm not condemning her, I wouldn't want anything ta happen that might embarrass Ryan Kirsten: well neither do I but I think having her here would mean alot to him (shrugs) an if we both kept an eye out at the party Sandy: well, there's also the other little matter of finding her, she's been missing in action for over a year Kirsten: but I imagine that a person whose worked at a PD's office for fifteen years knows how to find someone (raises an eyebrow) Sandy: don't hold your breath, alright ill make some phone calls but just incase lets keep it a suprise (worried) I don't wanna get Ryan's hopes up (Kirsten nods, Sandy kisses her) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer comes into the student lounge. Seth is already in there sitting on the couch reading Summer: we have a problem Seth: oooh yeah today's the day you were gonna tell Marissa about your parents (Summer sits) doin the bone dance (Summer hits him) how did that go Summer: don't ever say that again, I'm talking about Ryan an Marissa Seth: (shakes head) no we've gotten them back together before you remember, what thanks do we get they just broke up again Summer: well they need'a make a decision, either to get back together or to move on (frowns) cause right now they are frozen in that post break up (raises eyebrows) holy crap what did I do moment (holds hands out) (Seth frowns) an the longer it goes on for, the worse it is for everyone (hits Seth) so you need to do something (raises eyebrows) Seth: me (points to himself) Summer: (nods) yeah Seth: I'm in charge'a Ryan's birthday (holds up hand as if to say wish I could help,lol) Summer: wait Ryan's birthday is now, what is he thinking! Seth: I don't know he didn't exactly plan it, if you care so much why can't you handle this Summer: oh because I have'ta worry about Julie Cooper giving my dad VD an taking all of his money, so my plate is full (stands) Seth: fine...Dr R an Julie Cooper are doin the bone dance (Summer hits Seth upside the head as she walks passed the back of the couch,lol) CUT TO: Roberts house - we see a shoe lying on the floor next to a barefoot and then Julie slips her foot into it. we then see her put on the other shoe, she looks at her watch almost panicked Julie: oh my god it's almost one thirty (we then see Neil come in. its obvious what they were doing. Neil is putting his watch on) Neil: oh boy, my staff is already wondering where I disappear to during lunch every day Julie: (buttoning up top) I know but when else can we see each other except when the girls are at school Neil: (looks around) did you see what I did with my cell phone, I know I put it down when we...what're we doing, I thought we were gonna tell them Julie: well we were but...then we didn't Neil: well (fixes tie) I think its time Julie: I totally agree, ok we'll tell them we're dating (smiles, looks at her hair in a hand mirror) an then when they ask how serious it is (Neil looks at her) just it would be good to know (hopeful) Neil: yes, of course, after all (Julie nods) they wanna know how invested they should be Julie: if they should start making plans Neil: (puts on jacket) yes because it's a big step (Julie looks at Neil, hopeful) for them Julie: ok Neil I'm jus gonna come right out an say it (Neil looks at Julie then we hear his cell phone ring) Neil: (bends down) there you are (looks at phone) it's my nurse, I think we should wait a little while until we can be clear with them Julie: (almost disappointed) oh, y- that's just what I was gonna say (smiles) Neil: I'm gonna take this (Julie nods) yes Elaine, is my one thirty there (leaves the room) (Julie looks in Neil's direction and sighs) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Sadie opens the door and it's Ryan, of course. it always is,lol Sadie: Ryan Ryan: hey Sadie: hey, come in (motions) Ryan: (walks in) yeah I just thought id stop by and uh (stops when he sees something) Sadie: (closes door) ok wait wait wait let me just-let me just say (holds up hand) this is not the stage (looks at Ryan) at which to make judgments Ryan: (sighs) sure, sure, yeah (we see what Ryan is seeing, which is a huge hole in the wall that separates the kitchen from the lounge room) Sadie: well look I'm gonna make a cute little bar here an you can sit at with a window, right, its gonna be great (Sadie is now in the kitchen looking through the hole at Ryan) Ryan: mm-hmm, when's Gwen get back Sadie: well that's the thing she decided to stay in Ashlynn so she's putting the house on the market Ryan: (holds up hammer) want some help at the same time: Sadie: no nnn no you've done too much already Ryan: yes, yes yes yes yes no nnno it'll be good for me to be occupied, believe me Sadie: (touches Ryan's shoulder as he walks passed) so how is the whole Marissa break up thing going (looks at Ryan) Ryan: well we're broken up, you know we don't call each other, avoid each other at school its-its hard (nods) Sadie: so maybe you guys should talk (raises eyebrows) just so that it's not weird Ryan: (avoids eye contact) whether we give it another sht or...decide this is it either way...III need to know how I feel before we talk otherwise (shakes head) things have a way of happening Sadie: so you jus have'ta decide what you want Ryan: (looks at Sadie) well pretty much (looks down) Sadie: well while your deciding (points) can I recommend a little property destruction Ryan: (holds up hammer) yes you can CUT TO: Julie's trailer - Marissa comes inside, puts her bag down and opens the fridge. she takes a bottle out of the fridge and drinks, at the same time she notices the calendar with a date circled. it's the 19th and has an emphasised red circle around it with the words Ryan's Birthday! Marissa looks down and sighs, then we hear a bang outside and a bark, she looks out the window and we see Volchok start to run away. she goes out the door just as Volchok jumps on his motorbike Marissa: (yells) hey (Volchok takes off on his bike and Marissa watches him) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is sitting in a chair reading what appears to be a school related book, not entirely sure though. Seth comes in Seth: (sighs) hey man, you busy Ryan: would it matter Seth: not really (sits on the bed) (Ryan sighs and puts the book down) Seth: now in my capacity as birthday Captain I went ahead an...reserved the Bait Shop for Sunday Ryan: I guess you don't remember me saying small Seth: I did I chose to ignore it (raises eyebrows) d'you wanna see the invitations, the store made me print like a hundred, now I told them (shakes head) you only knew like four people (Ryan looks down thinking) but it was some kinda policy Ryan: give me one for Sadie Seth: Sadie huh, interesting Ryan: (takes invite) she's a friend Seth: ok, well what'do you wanna do with this (Seth holds out an envelope with the word "Marissa" on it. Seth looks at Ryan. Ryan looks at him) Ryan: ...you're the birthday general Seth: first of all I'm the birthday Captain (turns invite to face him) an the decision of whether to invite Marissa or not is way beyond my ? ? (Ryan looks at him) now I get it you invite her it looks like your tryin'a get back together, you don't invite her your sayin its over, I'm movin on (shakes head) I'm gonna hook up with all kinds'a random women, that's a tough call...sooo...you've got till Sunday (Seth drops the invite in Ryan's lap and leaves. Ryan picks it up and looks at it. we see the word Marissa up close. Ryan looks like he's torn as to what he should do) CUT TO: Roberts house - Summer and Seth are in Summers room together. Seth is stretched out on Summers bed while Summer paints her nails at her dressing table Seth: but turning eighteens all about the future right, so maybe I do a future theme, we have food from the future an drinks from the future Summer: sounds great Seth: yeah Summer: (looks at Seth) hey what'did Ryan say when you gave him Marissa's invitation Seth: nothin, just got this sort of confused wounded look Summer: how am I not spose'ta tell Marissa about the party when I see her, I can't keep a secret from Marissa Seth: an yet you somehow managed ta not tell her about your dad an her mom making sweet beautiful beautiful love (Summer gives him evil eyes) hi (smiles) Summer: (looks back at the mirror, scoffs) she's dealing with all that Ryan stuff now, she's not ready (raises eyebrows) ok an besides I've decided that I'm ok with it Seth: you are Summer: my dad was whistling this morning (looks at Seth, frowns) Julie Cooper makes my dad whistle, I cant tell him he cant have that, so, as long as they take it really slow(shrugs) I'm cool with it (Seth nods, we hear the doorbell. Summer looks at Seth) Seth: (motions) door Summer: mm-hmm Seth: mm-hmm Summer: mm-hmm (Seth looks at her) (motions with her head) Seth: hey why don't I get it (Summer smiles and blows on her nails - the next thing we see is Seth walking away from the door with a large envelope thing. Summer is now downstairs) Seth: hey, delivery guy just dropped this off for your dad (Seth hands the package to Summer and Summer immediately starts opening it,lol. she frowns) Seth: it's actually addressed ta...oh, ok (Summer sits down on the arm of a chair to read what it is) Summer: oh my god Seth: what is it (moves closer, takes it from Summer, reads) lovers cruise to Cabo five days six nights (Summer is frowning, clearly not happy) you the ocean an the one you love, it's got a good buffet (hands brochure back) Summer: I cannot believe this Seth: what, that he's taking Julie on a cruise Summer: he's gonna propose Seth: (confused) what're you talking about Summer: its what the man does, my mom my step monster he proposed to both of them on cruises, this is awful Seth: well d'you think you're over reacting a little bit, they just started dating Summer: my dad only dated my mom a week he met my step monster on the cruise an then proposed with a ring from the gift shop, the mans got a disease Seth: (sighs) well after dating Julie Cooper Summer: Marissa's gonna have'ta put her Ryan stuff on hold (stands) we gotta stop this CUT TO: Johnny's house - Ryan has some sort of tool in his hand and cuts out a beam. he has cute little safety glasses on and Sadie is standing behind him Sadie: I do respect a man who knows how to use power tools Ryan: ah yeah well you can thank my blue collar (pulls beam out) DNA (takes glasses off) actually uh, before I forget (Ryan wipes his dusty hand on his shirt and goes over to his jacket) Ryan: (holds out invite) here we go Sadie: what's this Ryan: uhh so tomorrows kinda my birthday Seth's throwing a party and its-its no big deal but Sadie: wow I can hardly process how much enthusiasm Ryan: mm Sadie: (looks down) but uh unfortunately (looks at Ryan) I don't think I can make it Ryan: oh Sadie: I mean id like to, especially after you did such a great job selling it (looks down) but um a friend of mines gonna be in LA tomorrow an I kinda promised Ryan: yeah no no (looks down) It's fine, I understand (waves it off) its no big deal (Ryan goes back over to the hole in the wall and Sadie notices something on the floor) Sadie: hey you uh you dropped something (picks it up) (Ryan looks) (reads) Marissa (looks at Ryan) Ryan: yeah I've ben, triyin'a decide whether or not to invite her Sadie: (realises) ooh right because if you invite her (nods) Ryan: yes Sadie: an if you don't Ryan: exactly (looks at Sadie) Sadie: right (looks at Ryan) Ryan: ...Seth thinks I'm in some sort of...break up limbo an I gotta make a clear choice one way or the other (Sadie looks at him then down) an that's his way of forcing the issue Sadie: cant say I disagree (Ryan looks at her) I was seeing this guy once an you know we loved each other but we couldn't seem to make it work an we also couldn't seem to break up (Ryan nods) so it just went on an on Ryan: so (shakes head) how'd it finally end Sadie: (looks down) ...Gwen called an she said Johnny died an...I left (Ryan nods) we should probably get back to work (Sadie throws the invite back to Ryan and heads back to the kitchen) Ryan: I'm jus gonna drill (Ryan looks down at both the invites in his hands) CUT TO: Julies trailer - we hear the familiar tune of the amazing season 1 song Paint The Silence by South. aww memories! we see Marissa putting a CD back in its case and then we hear a knock at the door Marissa: (calls) yeah come in (Summer goes inside) Marissa: hey Sum what's up Summer: hi, we need to talk (we can now see that Marissa is sitting on the couch with her laptop) Marissa: (sits forward) ok (stops song playing) Summer: what're you doing Marissa: remember when Ryan first came here an he spent the night in the model home Summer: (frowns) you mean the house that he brned down Marissa: accidentally, yes (puts laptop on the coffee table) well I made him a CD which got lost in the fre and he had always said he wished he had another copy Summer: so you're making him one for his birthday (frowns) that's so romantic Marissa: no just...thoughtful Summer: mm Coop your tapping inta core relationship mythology its romantic (squints) Marissa: you know anything I give him will just be read as (raises eyebrows) hey lets get back together, an if I don't give him anything it'll be...forget it, I'm over you, moving on(looks at Summer) Summer: ...well maybe that's what you both need right now, you know, a clear sign one way or the other Marissa: yeah I just...I don't wanna make the wrong decision (sighs) (Summer looks at her worried) so what'did you wanna talk about Summer: oh, well (sits next to Marissa) uh its just that um (Marissa looks at her) Seth is throwing um Ryan a birthday party tomorrow night at the Bait Shop an I wanted to invite you (raises eyebrows) Marissa: (looks at Summer)does Ryan know your inviting me Summer: (shakes head) not exactly Marissa: Summer, you know I can't go unless Ryan invites me himself Summer: I know, this sucks Marissa: (nods) yep, tell me about it (Summer nods, Marissa looks at Summer then turns the song back on. they both sit back on the couch, cross their legs and fold their arms) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - we see a close up of Sandy packing some of his things into a suitcase. Kirsten sees him Kirsten: the day has finally come (sits on the bed) Sandy Cohen, is leaving me Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) sorry, no such luck, I found Ryan's mom (Kirsten listens) she's in Albuquerque Kirsten: New Mexico! (Sandy nods) well cant you just call her Sandy: (frowns) oooh it's not quite that simple I think she might be in some trouble Kirsten: (looks down) what kinda trouble Sandy: (zips up suitcase) how bout givin me a ride to the airport an ill tell ya on the way CUT TO: Roberts house - Julie is in the living room on her phone, the house appears to be empty except for her Julie: Neil, hi its me (sighs) I thought we were meeting...I guess not, well, call me when you get this, ok (hangs up) (Julie starts to leave just as Summer comes into the room, they almost bump into each other) Summer: oooh Julie: ooh, Summer hi Summer: (hand on chest, shocked) Julie, what a suprise um (folds arms) is my dad here Julie: (looks at Summer)...noo I don't think he is (nods) (Summer looks at her) but you are probably wondering how I let myself in here, you know I-It's really um a- a funny...story Summer: (matter of factly) I know about you an my dad your private hanky panky (shrugs) your driving range smooching, I know (Julie looks a mix of shock and worry/concern) Julie: oh Summer we were gonna tell you Summer: when (frowns) before or after you went on the cruise Julie: (confused) what cruise (Summer looks at Julie then hands her the brochure. Julie looks at it suprised) Julie: a lovers cruise to Cabo (Julie moves a little away from Summer as she reads it. Summer stays where she is but tries to watch Julie at the same time, you know stretching her neck and trying to see over Julies shoulder) Julie: an it leaves tomorrow night, w- I- I didn't know anything about this Summer I guess Neil wanted to suprise me (gasps) an it's first class, oh my gosh what a gentlemen (Summer is now over near Julie. she leans against something and folds her arms) Summer: hmm well he was gonna suprise you alright, did you know that he proposed to his past two wives on cruises Julie: (looks at Summer shocked) what! Summer: look I got nothing against you, in theory but my dad jus got out of a marriage (raises eyebrows) an I don't want him (shakes head) rushing back into another Julie: (head on the side) oh Summer I totally understand, we are nowhere near close to getting engaged, trust me Summer: are you serious (squints) Julie: yes of course (Julie and Summer look at each other for a few seconds) Julie: does Marissa know about this Summer: (shakes head) not yet Julie: well, I guess I better tell her then hmm (Summer nods, frowning) (excitedly) an buy me a new bikini (smiles) Summer: (looks up) awwwwkwaaaarrrrdddd (looks away) CUT TO: Albuquerque - we see Sandy talking to a guard Sandy: I'm here to see Dawn Atwood Guard: (motions) third one down Sandy: thankyou (the guard walks away and we see Dawn through some glass, we also hear the familiar sound of being buzzed in at a prison. Sandy goes through the door and goes over to Dawn) Sandy: hello Dawn Dawn: (looks up, sighs) Sandy, what're you doing here Sandy: well (sits) tomorrow is Ryan's eighteenth birthday an I'm here to invite you to the party (Dawn looks at him) but (Dawn nods and starts getting upset. Sandy watches her) Dawn: ...does Ryan know I'm in here Sandy: no (shakes head) an as far as I'm concerned he never has to (Dawn sniffs) so what happened Dawn: (shrugs, shakes head) the old story, I hooked up with this guy and uh lots'a drinkin an (laughs) the money ran out (sniffs) an then he did (looks at Sandy) Sandy: an then you started writing bad cheques (Dawn looks down) oh Dawn you could'a called us Dawn: (laughs) yeah I'm sorry Sandy: well, I'm gonna take a look at your file (Dawn nods) (stands) maybe there's somethin I can do Dawn: how is he Sandy: he's good (nods) you can be very proud (Dawn manages a small smile through the tears. Sandy leaves and Dawn watches him then looks back down, still upset) CUT TO: The pier - Marissa and Matt are sitting on a bench together Marissa: so, what's up Matt: well, Detective Warner stopped by the office, he's finally done with his investigation inta Johnny's death, I thought you might want this (Marissa takes it) id'a had Sandy do it but he's outta town so Marissa: (opens the folder)...the letter I wrote to Johnny (looks down) (Matt's cell phone rings) Matt: sorry (looks at who is calling) this is a client, I have'ta take this Marissa: ok Matt: (walks away) hi this is Matt (after a few seconds Marissa picks up the folder and looks at the burnt letter inside the zip lock bag. she lowers it and we see Volchok standing a little away from her, just watching. Marissa looks at him and then he looks away. Marissa stands up and starts walking over) Marissa: so what're you stalking me now Volchok: what're you talkin about Marissa: well tonight, yesterday what'do you want Volchok: (shrugs) nothin Marissa: ok (turns to leave) well then leave me alone Volchok: wait (grabs Marissa's arm) Marissa: let go of me! (pulls away) Volchok: relax ok (Marissa looks at him) Harper dyin an all I know you're goin through some weird stuff (Matt comes over) Matt: Marissa (Marissa & Volchok look) what's goin on, is this guy botherin you Volchok: who's this, your protector (nods) (Marissa looks from Volchok to Matt) Matt: I think you need'ta walk away Volchok: or what man, are you gonna ht me with your little cell phone there Officer: what's goin on (Volchok looks) is there a problem Matt: officer this uh this guy was bothering her I just stepped in Volchok: yes officer please would you save us Officer: alright coul- (to Volchok) shut it Volchok: come on man are you serious- Officer: I said shut it, tell you what you two take a walk (Volchok throws his head back as if to say "typical") (points) you, I wanna see some ID Matt: come on (Marissa looks at Volchok before walking away with Matt) Officer: now, I wanna see some ID (Volchok watches Marissa) CUT TO: Julie's trailer - Ryan is out the front and he has Marissa's invite in his hand. he stands on the verandah and looks from the invite to the door. after a few seconds he taps it on his hand and leaves CUT TO: The pool house, day of Ryan's 18th - Seth is standing in the doorway with 2 coffees in his hand. Ryan is getting ready to go out Seth: Ryan Atwood legal adult, happy birthday man (holds out coffee) Ryan: yeah, thanks Seth: so you feelin more mature, like you wanna go out an vote up a storm Ryan: mm (swallows) fightin the urge Seth: yeah, I imagine you've ben getting phone calls all morning (drinks) Ryan: yep, Sandy called from Albuquerque (sighs) Seth: mm-hmm Ryan: says he's gonna make it back, finish his business before the party (sits) Seth: ah-huh Ryan: yeah Seth: ah-huh (sits on the bed) anyone else Ryan: (putting on shoes) Marissa has not called an I'm not expecting her to, I didn't invite her to the party Seth: well the wisdom of years, I'm glad you finally made your decision (Ryan looks at him) at least it won't be awkward with Sadie being there Ryan: yyyeah she can't come Seth: well did you tell her Marissa's not going (Ryan frowns) she probably just wanted to give you space Ryan: no no she said she wasn't gonna come before I mentioned I might be inviting Marissa Seth: well she knew you hadn't made up your mind, tell her where you stand now, see if that changes her answer (Ryan looks at him)...and you might wanna mention (holds up finger) though I don't wanna over hype (stands, Ryan stands) there's gonna be a suprise at this party that (thinks) may make her head explode CUT TO: The diner - Julie and Marissa are there together in a booth Julie: (eats) you know, the short stack really is the perfect amount Marissa: (looks at Julie) look mom this is great an everything Julie: ok, I'm sorry, ill stop stalling. the truth is I asked you to breakfast for a reason (Marissa listens) for the past few months...(raises an eyebrow) I've ben seeing Neil Roberts Marissa: (frowns) Dr. Roberts...wait what have you had done (looks at Julie's chest area, lol) Julie: (looks down then at Marissa) not seeing that way, I mean seeing seeing (Marissa realises) although he probably would give me a couple freebies (grins) Marissa: oh my god, you've been dating Summers dad Julie: I was going to tell you but we thought we should wait until we knew if it was, you know, serious Marissa: and, is it (looks at Julie wide eyed) Julie: well he's taking me on a cruise to Cabo, in fact we leave tonight so yes it feels serious (smiles, breathes in) please tell me your ok with this Marissa: I mean it's a little weird...but yeah, I guess Julie: (relieved) oh honey thankyou for being supportive Marissa: yeah jus...Summers like my best friend (raises eyebrows) so don't (frowns)...do anything. Julie: ok, whatever that means (Marissa nods) so you go and ill pay la cuenta (Marissa looks at her) that's Spanish, I bought these tapes yesterday to impress Neil Marissa: that's great mom I'm happy for you (stands) Julie: ok, go (motions) flee flee (Marissa leaves and Julie watches her) CUT TO: Albuquerque jail - we see Sandy's reflection in the glass, he's watching Dawn being released. a female officer hands her a pen and she signs something then goes out to where Sandy is Dawn: Sandy I still don't understand how you did this Sandy: I made some calls, the charges are dropped, but in exchange your gonna have to enroll yourself in a substance abuse program an make full restitution to the people you defrauded Dawn: well I-I I don't have the money for that Sandy: I took care of it, an you don't owe me anything all you have'ta do is go to your sons birthday party, the plane leaves at five Dawn: (unsure) Sandy I...I don't know (teary) Sandy: sure you do, your his mother, an he is gonna wanna see you, come on Dawn: (closes eyes)...ok um I-I I gotta take a shower, I gotta change my clothes Sandy: (looks at watch) alright well my hotel is nearby (Dawn looks at him) I think you have time CUT TO: Johnny's house - Ryan puts some tools away and closes the toolbox lid. Sadie walks over to Ryan with a smile and her hands behind her back. Ryan stands up when she goes over Sadie: so, I got you something Ryan: oh, you didn't have'ta do that (Sadie holds out the present to Ryan) Ryan: well (we see that it is a hammer with a red decoration towards the top end) Sadie: (laughs) I wanted ta commemorate the time we've spent together Ryan: yeah I can see that (looks at hammer, hits it on his hand) Sadie: I um I engraved the handle myself Ryan: oh (reads) For Ryan Happy Eighteenth (follows the words with his finger) I'm so grateful for your friendship think of me every time you pound something (looks at Sadie) Sadie Sadie: (unsure) too mushy Ryan: (laughs) no it's just the right amount of mush (Sadie laughs) its great thankyou Sadie: ok well I'm gonna (Ryan smiles) I should probably go an an take a shower I have a...I have a long drive to LA (looks at Ryan) Ryan: (looks at Sadie)...jus so you know uh I didn't invite Marissa to the party (swallows) Sadie: ...oh Ryan: yeah I decided...that it wasn't what I wanted Sadie: ...ok Ryan: (softly) so Sadie: (looks down) Ryan um (looks at Ryan) the reason I cant come to your party (swallows) the friend I was meeting at LA um that's the guy I was seeing he jus wants to talk things over Ryan: so (frowns) what'does that mean Sadie: I don't know, I guess it means that I finally have'ta make a decision (Ryan looks at Sadie, Sadie looks at him) Ryan: (nods) ok well um see you later and uh (holds up hammer) thanks again Sadie: sure um, hey (Ryan looks) happy birthday (Sadie kisses Ryan on the cheek almost shyly and then leaves the room. Ryan grabs the toolbox and leaves) CUT TO: The beach - Marissa walks over to a guy who looks like a surfy type Marissa: hi, uh excuse me (guy looks at her) (points) those guys over there they said that your friends with Volchok, I need to find him Guy: why, cause you two hooked up a few times, now he wont return your calls (Marissa smiles) take my advice forget it Marissa: it's not like that...I was friends with Johnny Harper (guy looks at her) an...it's complicated (frowns) Guy: ...well I haven't seen him in a while, since Harper died he's been acting weird (Marissa looks down) but you could try this guy he use'ta work for CUT TO: NB yacht club - Neil comes in and Julie is already sitting a table looking deliriously happy,lol Neil: hi Julie: (looks) hi Neil: (sits) I'm glad I got your message but isn't- isn't this a little Julie: public, I know, but I'm afraid the cats out of the bag (looks at Neil) the girls know Neil: (shocked) what, how Julie: I don't know, Summer confronted me yesterday an then I had'ta tell Marissa Neil: how did they take it Julie: they were great, everything is-is, oh Neil I'm so sorry I know you wanted this to be a suprise but I am just too (laughs) excited I would love to go to Cabo with you Neil: (clueless) Cabo Julie: Summer found the cruise tickets an then she told me, I hope I didn't ruin it by saying anything Neil: (looks down then at Julie) well I guess that'll teach me to try an be clever wont it Julie: so romantic, waiting till the day we leave to tell me Neil: yeah that's right we leave tonight (Julie nods excitedly) it's pretty romantic Julie: (holds Neil's hand) this is just what we need (Neil nods) if you hadn't planned it id swear it was fate Neil: well maybe it is (smiles) Julie: (touched, almost teary) oh, look at me (fans face with her hands) I'm gonna go check my make up, after all I wanna be perfect for our first time in public (Julie stands and goes to walk away but stops behind Neil. Neil takes a drink and as soon as he puts the glass down Julie tips him to the side and kisses him for a good few seconds, it's very steamy and the people around them definitely take notice. Julie walks away pleased with herself and Neil holds his drink up to a couple that turned to look at them,lol) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - stuck to the corkboard on the fridge is Ryan's birthday invite. it is a bluey black with "RYAN'S" in a creamy yellow, then underneath that is "EIGHTEENTH" in smaller writing, then "BIRTHDAY" and "BASH" in the bigger writing. in the right hand corner there is a picture of Ryan and on top of that is "AT THE BAIT SHOP 8:00PM. Ryan takes a bottle of water from the fridge and Kirsten comes in Kirsten: oh, hey Ryan: hey Kirsten: how'd it go at your friends house Ryan: good good we stopped early she had to get to LA (drinks) Kirsten: oh I'm sorry I'm not gonna meet her tonight, Seth said that you decided not to invite Marissa Ryan: (swallows) yeah Kirsten: well that must'a been tough, was she ok when you told her (Ryan looks at her) oh please tell me that you talked to her Ryan: (shakes head) well I thought... Kirsten: you thought that she'd figure it out when she didn't get the invitation, Ryan she's ben apart of your life for two years (Ryan looks as though he's thinking. Seth comes in) Seth: hey, there you are (Ryan looks over at him) we're gonna go head down to the Bait Shop an set up Ryan: ok uh let me take a shower Seth: (looks at Ryan) no, no it's your birthday, your not liftin a finger Kirsten: an you don't wanna spoil the suprise (Ryan looks at her) that Seth has for you Seth: that's right (Ryan looks at him) take a good look at your head cause in a few hours (Seth motions an explsin with his hands either side of his head and mouths "boom") Seth: (points) don't you be late (Seth leaves and Kirsten goes to follow him but stops near Ryan) Kirsten: think about what I said (Ryan nods) your eighteen, its time to be an adult (Ryan looks at Kirsten then looks down. Kirsten leaves) CUT TO: Hotel room in Albuquerque - we hear a knock and then Sandy's voice. we are seeing the room from the inside and it appears empty Sandy: (calls) hey Dawn, its me (opens door) hey come on we gotta go if we're gonna make the plane (Sandy walks in and looks around. he sees an envelope sitting on a chest at the end of the bed with the word "Ryan" hand written on it) Sandy: (frowns) oh Dawn (Sandy picks up the envelope and looks at it) CUT TO: Julie's trailer - we see the bottom half of Ryan, from about his wrist down and he's holding Marissa's invite in his hand, he knocks on the door Ryan: (knocks, calls) Marissa (Ryan opens the door and goes inside. it appears to be empty. Ryan looks around for a few seconds then goes to put the invite down but as he does he notices the CD, with Happy 18th Ryan written on it in black marker sitting on top of other CDs. Ryan frowns then he looks over at a photo of himself and Marissa when they were younger, I'm pretty sure its the same one he has/had at the pool house where Kaitlin said they were like the perfect couple. they are standing near the water and look so happy together! aww) CUT TO: A job site - we see Volchoks motorbike and then Marissa walks passed it. we then see a huge Mc Mansion which is being worked on. Marissa walks up the drive and a man in work overalls walks over to her Guy: need some help Marissa: yeah I'm uh looking for Kevin Volchok Guy: (points) inside, back there (Marissa nods and then looks at the house) Guy: you ok Marissa: ...the house just (shrugs) looks familiar Guy: Mc Mansions, they all look the same to me (Marissa smiles and starts heading over to the entrance. we can hear power tools being used in the background. the sht changes and we see the entrance from inside looking out just as Marissa comes in, we then see the view she is seeing which is straight out onto a pool, Marissa frowns, we see a grey scale flashback of the empty pool that Seth skateboarded in, in 102. then it disappears and we see a close up of Marissa's almost confused face) Volchok: who's stalkin who now (Marissa looks up. Volchok is upstairs looking down at Marissa) Marissa: I wanted ta talk to you (goes up the stairs) Volchok: my boss is outside if you came to get me fired (puts bucket down) Marissa: I just wanted ta say sorry, Matt was being over protective Volchok: Matt, new boyfriend, yeah he was a real bad ass that one Marissa: he's not my boyfriend (shrugs) look I jus came to say sorry Volchok: an you did (puts unlit smoke in his mouth) so now what Marissa: (scoffs) you know for once I actually thought you were gonna be nice Volchok: (lights smoke) that's pretty stupid Marissa: (nods) obviously (Marissa goes to leave but stops when she hears the boss' voice) Guy: Volchok, what'd I tell you about smokin in here, place already brned down once (Volchok nods. Marissa suddenly starts to realise where she is) Volchok: yeah yeah yeah (Marissa moves closer to the banister and looks down to the bottom level. at this point the familiar sound of Paint The Silence By South begins. we see another grey scale flashback, it's of young Marissa and Ryan together down stairs near some scaffolding in none other than the model home) Marissa: you want him to stay here we then see a close up of Marissa's face, she looks a little thrown, we see another flashback this time of Marissa walking into the model home from just before and then it changes to a grey scale flashback of when they first pulled up, we also hear Seth Seth: this was supposed to be a model home we see another flashback, this time of Ryan, Marissa and Seth actually inside when they first arrived. Ryan has a little hand flashlight and Marissa has food in her hands, the flashback ends and we see Marissa looking down then over at the pool and also hear younger Marissa's voice Marissa: look I haven't told anybody about it another fashback, we see Seth skateboarding in the empty pool while Ryan and Marissa sit on the edge together, eating and drinking Ryan: I can keep a secret (smiles) (Marissa smiles) we then see Ryan sitting on the couch in Julies trailer, he's listening to the model home mix that Marissa re made for him. he sits back and looks as though he's thinking - back to the model home, Marissa moves away from the edge and looks in the other direction. we see Ryan close his eyes and i think this is what Ryan starts to remember, it flashes back to the moment that Marissa gave Ryan the model home mix originally, Marissa smiles and Ryan takes the CD then looks at her. we then see Seth, Ryan and Marissa looking around the model home with flashlights. Ryan: I still don't know if it's a good idea for me to stick around or not we then see Marissa looking down towards the entrance with a blank expression, and hear younger Marissa's her voice Marissa: you should stay another flashback, this times its the scene where Marissa and Ryan over hear Jimmy and Kirsten talking, then we see Marissa walking into the model home from just before. another flashback this time when Seth, Ryan and Marissa are about to first walk in, this changes to the moment where its just Ryan and Marissa alone, just before the room sets on fre Marissa: maybe I could spend the night (Ryan looks at her) Marissa starts to look faint as she remembers everything, we see another flashback, its of when Marissa ran out of the model home in tears, then we see when the room set on fre and Ryan and Luke were fighting each other Marissa looks upset and a little woozy, she closes her eyes then opens them again.. she leans against the railing and puts her hand on her mouth. Volchok notices Volchok: you alright Marissa: (frowns, breathes in) yeah, I'm fine (puts hand on head) we flash back to Ryan and Marissa alone together again Ryan: we're from two different worlds Marissa: (teary) that's not true Marissa has her hand on the back of head and doesn't look to good at all, the memories are definitely overwhelming and upsetting her. Volchok looks at her worried. we then see the same flashback as before Ryan: I'm not like you (Marissa looks at him) this next bit is in slow motion. Marissa's eyes begin to close and we hear Volchok faintly say are you ok then we see Marissa's hand slide off the railing as she faints and falls down the stairs, hard. we then see Ryan still listening to the CD in the trailer. then Marissa lying motionless on the stairs about halfway down, Volchok is near her) Volchok: (yells) get some help (we see Ryan again. he sits forward and turns the song off) CUT TO: Ryan's 18th birthday party - the first thing we see is a huge photo of Ryan dressed as a cowboy, it will make sense in a minute,lol. the camera zooms out to show us that Ryan and Seth are looking at it together Ryan: so what exactly was the thinking here (looks at Seth then back at his photo) Seth: well, turning eighteens all about assuming your adult identity right so I thought (points to himself) I would show you all the different avenues available to you Ryan: (raises eyebrows) because I might wanna be cowboy Seth: or my personal favourite but no less gay (points) fireman Ryan (we see another huge photo of Ryan dressed in firemen gear, he's holding an axe in one hand and a helmet in other. also in the background we can see another photo this time he is in what I think is a leotard with one hand triumphantly in the air, the other is holding a trophy of some sort and he has a medal around his neck Ryan: ah-huh Seth: yep, yep, yep (Ryan laughs)yepyepyepyepyep, yep an the best part (shakes head) this isn't even the real suprise Ryan: wow, cant wait for that (looks around) so (frowns) who are all these people anyway Seth: um at a certain point I jus needed to fill the room with bodies (holds hands out) you know what I mean (Ryan nods) you only invited like one person (raises eyebrows, points) who did not come by the way (Summer comes over) Summer: um hi (Ryan/Seth look) two homeless guys just got in a fight over the crudité (points) an knocked down scientist Ryan (puts hands on her hips) (Ryan nods) Seth: I met em outside Ralph's (moves head side to side) they seemed pretty cool (raises eyebrows) Ryan: (nods, unphased) yeah CUT TO: Julies trailer - Marissa and Volchok are together. they walk up onto the verandah, Marissa has one of her hands bandaged/splinted and she's holding an icepack to her head with the other Volchok: where are your keys Marissa: um it's not locked you jus have'ta (Volchok pulls on the door and it opens) Volchok: here give me your icepack (holds out hand) (Marissa gives the icepack to Volchok and then sits down at the table. we see Volchok inside through the little window) Marissa: you don't have'ta do this you know, the doctor said I was fine (Marissa looks at her hand that's bandaged, it looks very bruised and sore) Marissa: ...it was nice of you to take me to the hospital Volchok: yeah you uh you wanna tell me what happened out there Marissa: (scoffs) doubt you'd be interested (Volchok comes back out) Volchok: huh (Volchok closes the door behind him and Marissa takes the icepack back) Marissa: well you know how that house brned down (Volchok sits)...I was there that night with Ryan an (sighs, raises eyebrows) it jus sort of all came back to me at once Volchok: (cold) yeah your right, I'm not interested (Marissa looks at him, Volchok looks at her almost coldly) Marissa: you know if you've got something to say now would be the time (Volchok scoffs and then goes to leave but stops just behind Marissa) Volchok: alright look (Marissa looks at him. Volchok leans against the trailer) Volchok: its just (shakes head) you know when your mom will say like um why cant you be more like Timmy...well that was Harper (Marissa listens) an it pissed me off but I got it, you know things were things were supposed'ta work out for him...but...he died and it doesn't make sense (shrugs) so (Marissa looks at him, Volchok looks at her and then Marissa looks away. after a few seconds he walks over to her and takes her good hand and lays it palm up across her bandaged one, at the same time he pulls a pen out of his pocket) Marissa: what're you doing (we see a close up of Volchok writing on Marissa's hand) Volchok: giving you my number, just incase um somethin happens or (Marissa looks at Volchok then down a little then back at him) Volchok: I gotta go (Volchok quickly leaves and Marissa watches him then looks down at her hand. the next thing we see is Marissa coming inside. she puts the icepack down and then notices the invite Ryan left for her, she looks down at it and then looks as though she's thinking) CUT TO: Ryan's 18th birthday party - we see a group of people and then Summer Summer: (calls) dad (smiles) (Neil comes off the stairs just as Summer comes over) Neil: hey Summer Summer: hey Neil: there you are, hi Summer: hey Neil: Julie said she talked to you Summer: yeah, after I confronted her...(frowns) you know those tickets for the cruise were a shock Neil: yeah, to me too (Summer looks at him) between us I wasn't planning on taking Julie Summer: (confused) what, how many secret girlfriends d'you have Neil: hey (raises eyebrows) I bought those tickets a few months ago, it was my last attempt ta try to salvage things with your step mother I was- I was gonna propose to her all over again...I even had a ring Summer: (relieved) oh my god Neil: well maybe it's a sign, I mean I really do...care for Julie Summer: (nods, closes eyes) well I'm not gonna say that it isn't weird but, as long as she makes you happy I guess that's all that matters (smiles with her head on the side) Neil: thankyou (kisses Summers forehead and hugs her) I gotta run, the ship sails at midnight (on the stairs) are you an Marissa gonna be ok at the house Summer: (screws up face) oh yeah, of course, hey dad if you really do like her maybe don't wear the bathing suit you bought last year in Rome, just a thought (raises eyebrows) (Neil laughs - we are now with Sandy and Ryan, up the top) Sandy: well this looks like it has the hand'a Seth Cohen all over it Ryan: hey yeah (points) I- I kinda like this one (we see another huge photo near them. I think its Dr Ryan. he has a white coat on and what looks like a stethoscope on his shoulder) Sandy: happy birthday Ryan: hey (Sandy hugs Ryan, aww) Sandy: sorry I'm late Ryan: yeah, that's alright uh how'd things go in Albuquerque (Sandy puts his hand on Ryan's shoulder and they walk over to the railing) Sandy: I'm gonna come clean with ya Ryan: yeah (looks at Sandy) Sandy: I went to see your mother (Ryan looks down) she wanted to make it here but she-she couldn't, she's glad your doin well an I told her she could be very very proud'a you(looks at Ryan) Ryan: ...she alright Sandy: (moves head side to side) well she's havin a bit of a hard time, but I know where she is (Ryan looks at him then away) so ill be able to check up on her Ryan: that's not your responsibility Sandy: well, as of today we may (looks at Ryan) no longer be your legal guardians...but you will always be part'a this family (Ryan looks at him) (smiles) an she sent you this (Ryan sighs. Sandy holds out the envelope and Ryan takes it. Sandy walks away and Ryan looks down at it, then holds it over the railing and spins it in his hand a few times. this fades to outside the front of the Bait Shop, the sht starts at the roof and gradually moves down, we see the sign that usually advertises the band thats playing now says "CLOSED FOR PRIVATE PARTY", then we see Ryan come outside and start to open the envelope. there is a small piece of paper inside that's folded in half, when he unfolds it there is a photo of a young Ryan standing in front of his mom, it seems like it was from the trip to the zoo when he was nine. we can see some of the writing on the letter. above the photo we can see "Dear Ryan" underneath is "I AM SO SORRY THAT" right down at the bottom underneath the photo we can just see "HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY" and underneath that is LOVE MOM". we see Ryan looking at the letter and then we see Marissa heading towards the Bait Shop. she is holding Ryan's CD in her good hand and she stops when she sees him out the front. she looks down at the CD then back over at Ryan, he's still reading the letter, we hear younger Ryan's voice Ryan: we're from two different worlds Marissa closes her eyes and then starts to turn away, obviously not ready to see him Ryan: get out of here Marissa folds her arms and walks away from the Bait Shop. we see Ryan again, but its side on this time and we also see a girl walking over to him, it's blurry for a few seconds but then when it focusses we can see that it's none other than Sadie) Sadie: (calls) hey (Ryan looks up, they move closer to each other) Ryan: thought you were in LA Sadie: I told him I couldn't make it (Ryan looks at her) (smiles) it felt like time to make a choice Ryan: ...glad you came (nods) (Sadie smiles. somehow they end up holding hands. because its dark I cant tell if Ryan holds his hand out to Sadie or if Sadie just takes it - back inside the party Kirsten and Sandy are standing near the bar together. Ryan and Sadie walk over to them holding hands) Ryan: hey, guys there's somebody id like you to meet Sadie, Sadie this is Sandy an Kirsten (Kirsten smiles) Sandy: (shakes Sadie's hand) any friend'a Ryan's, an it is so nice to know he has at least one here (Sadie laughs) Ryan: that's funny, I like that Kirsten: (shakes Sadie's hand) its nice to meet you Sadie: you too (to Ryan) so this is your family Ryan: yeah (looks from Kirsten to Sandy) this is them (smiles) (Sandy and Kirsten smile like the proud parents they are. Sandy also glances at Kirsten who is smiling lovingly at Ryan. aww) CUT TO: Roberts house - Julie and Neil are there together Julie: hey what'd you forget Neil: passport (holds up passport) never let me off the boat without it, why don't you grab the car wait for me there I'm gonna jus turn out the lights Julie: ok, uh Neil, I jus can't tell you how excited I am, about the trip and us Neil: I feel the same way (smiles) Julie: (smiles) ok (kisses Neil on the lips) ok (leaves) Neil: ill be right there (Neil watches Julie leave then pulls out a ring box, he opens it and looks down at the gorgeous ring and then looks up. he closes the box and we hear the sound of a zip being done up, I assume he put it in his luggage but we didn't actually see it. he picks up the little bit of luggage that's left, turns out the light and leaves) CUT TO: The lifeguard tower - we see a close up of Volchok Volchok: so you called (we then see Marissa sitting against the tower staring out at the ocean, like usual, she nods then looks down sadly. Volchok is standing at the bottom of the ramp just looking up at Marissa. after a few seconds Marissa looks up at him) Marissa: well will you sit with me at least (Volchok slightly nods then walks up the ramp and sits down next to Marissa. he unscrews the lid on his flask and Marissa looks over. Volchok holds it out to her and this time Marissa drinks, Marissa hands it back to Volchok and he takes a drink as well) CUT TO: Ryan's 18th birthday party - Seth is on stage at the mic Seth: excuse me may I have everyone's attention please, as we all know or as a few of us know today is Ryan Atwood's eighteenth birthday (we see Ryan and Sadie standing together, next to Ryan we can see half of Kirsten and next to Sadie most of Summer. we can hear Sandy whistling, Summer goes whoo, and then we see Sandy, Kirsten, Sadie and Summer all clapping for him, unfortunately no one else in the room makes a sound but Ryan's family more than makes up for it, aww. Ryan smiles, almost embarrassed. the rest of the crowd looks around as if to say what's going on) Seth: thankyou that was really...touching, um so to help celebrate we have a tribute to his favourite band (Ryan raises his eyebrows, suprised) please take it away (Seth comes down off the stage just as Cobra Verde begin singing on stage I've been waiting for a girl like you. Ryan frowns when he hears what the song is, you'll see why in a minute,lol. Summer sort of makes a "not bad" expression. Sadie smiles at Ryan. Sandy and Kirsten smile. Seth walks over to everyone definitely proud of himself,lol) Seth: awesome suprise or what man Ryan: (nods) yeah Seth: I figured couldn't get the real Journey but a Journey tribute band (puts head on the side) next best thing Ryan: yeah its pretty amazing thankyou (goes to shake Seth's hand) Seth: no let's do it (holds up both hands in the air) like this Ryan: alright Seth: for you anything (smiles) (Ryan and Seth do their high hi fives, aww) Ryan: oh thanks dude Seth: (smiles) alright Ryan: ok Seth: (holds up finger) if you'll excuse me (Seth holds his hand out to Summer and they head off to dance together. Sandy takes Kirsten's hand and they do the same. Sadie and Ryan are now alone together. Ryan grins and then sighs) Sadie: you do know this is a Foreigner song right Ryan: yeah Sadie: ok (nods) (we see some of the band performing on stage then we see Summer and Seth dancing together. Seth has his arms around Summers waist and Summer has hers on Seth's shoulders) Summer: I didn't know Journey sang this song Seth: they don't, I got a Foreigner cover band instead, there about ten times cooler than Journey (nods) (we see Sandy and Kirsten dancing together now, they aren't doing the romantic slow dance thing they are both really getting into it. Sandy has his hands in the air moving to the music and Kirsten is in front of him moving around herself, we can see Ryan and Sadie together in the foreground and then we see them close up. they are doing the romantic slow dance thing. Sadie has her head on Ryan's shoulder and Ryan is holding Sadie's hand up near his shoulder, his other hand is on the small of her back. Kirsten and Sandy are also now dancing in each others arms, aww. this changes to a sht of Neil and Julie in the car together, they look at each other and smile, and we can also see they are holding hands. aww)	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x17 - The Journey"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Cohen family room - the first thing we see is the TV, on the screen is a 2 player game (there is a split screen) I cant tell what it is but it seems like sh*t em up. we then see Seth and Ryan sitting on the couch together with controllers looking very engrossed in the game. the camera then shows Summer who is not so thrilled with them playing the game, she looks bored as hell and is looking at her hair in her hand with a frown Summer: Cohen, the Brown interviews like in eleven hours (holds hand out) don't you think you should be prepping for it Seth: nope, I've got a new approach ta interviews its called don't think about it Summer: well I guess that's better than your last approach (Sadie comes in from the kitchen carrying snacks. Ryan gets distracted by her) Ryan: (looks) hey, what's all that like, oh (looks at Seth) Sadie: (puts food down) little half time buffet, pretzels, ding dongs, ? (sits next to Seth) tryin'a mix it up (Seth and Ryan scoot down to make room for Sadie) Seth: that's always appreciated, Ryan you ready for a rematch Ryan: oh do we have'to (Summer doesn't look thrilled with the idea of watching Seth and Ryan play more, poor thing. she rests her chin on her hand and looks at them) Sadie: I thought I called winners (Ryan and Seth look at Sadie. Seth laughs almost patronisingly. Ryan smiles and shakes his head a little. Sadie raises her eyebrows at Seth keenly) Seth: no offense I jus don't think you should (Ryan shakes his head) (looks at Sadie) step inta the ring with me Summer: yeah before Ryan an I came Playstation was pretty much his best friend Sadie: (takes the controller out of Seth's hands) come on, one game Seth Seth: my controller Summer: (sighs) Ryan will you come get drinks with me please (stands) Ryan: yes (stands) (Ryan and Summer head to the kitchen together) Sadie: kay you ready Seth: that's my lucky controller (Sadie smiles and sits back on the couch. then we are with Ryan and Summer in the kitchen) Summer: so, Atwood, seems like your really moving on Ryan: uhh yeah trying to Summer: (takes cans from the fridge) well I promise, no weirdness from me, I mean Coops my best friend but I've also (frowns) accepted the fact that...you an Marissa (screws up face) Ryan: not really meant to be Summer: which is why it's good that you've found the opposite of Marissa Ryan: you really think Sadie is Marissa's opposite (Ryan and Summer come back into the family room) Sadie: (pushes a few buttons, grins) and game - over (Sadie sits back on the couch and smiles/laughs. Seth just looks stunned at being beaten) Ryan: whoa dude you got klled already Seth: I'm humbled (looks at Ryan) man I am humbled an mortified (Summer laughs) Sadie: its ok I can't take all the credit (puts controller down) I found a cheat code on the internet (Ryan raises his eyebrows and looks over at Summer, Summer looks at him at the exact same time) Seth: Ryan this ones a keeper man Summer: (whispers to Ryan, motions with head) anti Coop Seth: who knew my new Playstation idol would be your new girlf (quickly stops himself) your new (Ryan raises his eyebrows at Seth. Summer looks at Sadie and Seth uncomfortably) Seth: alright like a Sadie: (looks down) friend Seth: friend, girl, friend (shrugs) Summer: nice save Ryan: yeah I'm I'm Sadie: (frowns) I think friend is the word (we hear the doorbell) Ryan: (points) I'm gonna get that Sadie: nice dodge (smiles) Ryan: thanks Seth: friend was the word I was lookin for (we see Ryan heading towards the door. when he opens it a blast from the past is standing there, only she is a little less sex kitten and a little more girl next door looking. its Jess Sathers aka Treys old girlfriend, if you could call her that,lol) Jess: Ryan (smiles) Ryan: (shocked)...Jess Jess: oh good, you recognise me Ryan: even with the new look Jess: (looks down at herself) yeah, kinda came with the new life (Ryan avoids eye contact with her) listen I bought you something (takes it out) it's a belated birthday present, from your brother (we see a small wrapped present in Jess' hand. Ryan looks from it to her) Ryan: you still keep in touch with him Jess: yeah (looks down) I lived with him out in Vegas for a while...jus got back a few months ago (Ryan nods) (holds out present) here Ryan: (takes present) thanks (goes to close door) Jess: (puts hand on door) don't you wanna know how he's doing (Sadie comes over) Sadie: hey (Ryan smiles when he sees Sadie, it seems like he's relieved) Jess: Ryan, if you wanna talk, you know where I live (Jess leaves. Sadie looks at Ryan. Ryan looks a little thrown by everything) Sadie: who was that Ryan: nobody (shuts door) uhh (frowns) lets jus go back inside, ok Sadie: (heads back to the family room) come on your up next (Ryan looks down at the present in his hand, he turns it a few times then we see a close up of his face) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Pool house, next morning - Ryan is sitting on the bed with the present from Trey in his hands, he takes the rubber band off and then the wrapping and he sees a toy car, you know like the matchbox ones. he turns it over and looks at the bottom then closes his eyes and looks up then back down at the car and then suddenly over towards the door just as Seth comes in Seth: hey Ryan: hey (Seth nods at the toy car and takes it from Ryan) Seth: now I know Treys not made'a money or anything but (sits in the chair) he could've at least sprung for a shirt or somethin Ryan: it's an inside thing, long story Seth: I like long storys (looks at Ryan) Ryan: (raises eyebrows) too bad (stands) I don't feel like telling this one (Kirsten comes to the doorway) Kirsten: uh breakfast is ready in the kitchen (notices the car) oooh I haven't seen one of those in years (Seth looks at the car then hands it to her) d'you remember when your dad an I use'ta buy these for you, couldn't for the life of us get you to play with them, where'd you find this anyway Ryan: Trey (Kirsten looks at him) a friend of his dropped it off Seth: you remember Jess (Kirsten looks at him) charming girl who took too much X an floated face down in a pool Ryan: yeah she moved to Vegas with Trey an they lived together Kirsten: well how is he, is he ok Ryan: (shakes head, looks away) I don't know, figured he's outta my life...why get back into it Kirsten: (smiles, looks down uncomfortably) well, breakfast is ready (Kirsten hands the car back to Seth and leaves. Seth puts it down on the side and then we see a close up of Ryan who is looking a little lost right now, poor guy) CUT TO: Julie's trailer - Marissa is spread out on the couch reading, she hears a noise outside and goes to the door. we see Volchok trying to leave something just as Marissa opens the door. Volchok stops and looks at her, almost guiltily Marissa: what're you doing Volchok: thought you'd be at school Marissa: (leans on the doorframe) so you were jus gonna lurk around my house while I wasn't home Volchok: came to drop somethin off (holds out brown paper bag) (Marissa looks at Volchok skeptically as she takes the bag from him and then looks inside. Volchok looks at her. Marissa pulls out the watch that she gave him in 307 in exchange for leaving Ryan alone) Marissa: (looks at Volchok) I thought you were gonna sell this (Volchok looks at her) this watch was really expensive Volchok: no I uh (raises eyebrows) I decided to hang onto it Marissa: an now your giving it back (Volchok almost smiles) well there's a suprise twist, thanks (Volchok looks at her) anything else (Volchok starts to smile)...look I jus wanna be alone right now Volchok: yeah yeah (nods) no yeah you look busy (smiles) listen I'm gonna be at the beach (shrugs) tonight, maybe ill see you Marissa: don't count on it (Marissa leans out and closes the door. she looks at the watch again) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer is pacing near lockers, she looks nervous about something. next to the lockers further down a door opens and Seth comes out. Summer looks over Seth: uh no you're the man sir, ok ill see ya soon (Summer goes over to Seth) Summer: (unsure) so (looks at Seth hopeful) Seth: turns out the guy is a (looks up) huge anime fan an we got inta the whole Akira verse (Summer frowns, nods) Ghost in the Shell debate, both came down on Ghost in the Shell (nods) Summer: I have no idea what your saying but I'm so (hugs Seth) happy for you (closes eyes) Seth: oooo, I'm gonna go call my parents, tell em to start packin my bags (Seth starts to walk away) Summer: (calls excitedly) congratulations baby (Taylor sees it as she comes into the hall. she goes over to Summer) Taylor: ooooh, holy Kodak moment Summer: oh, well I guess Seth's just aced his Brown interview Taylor: that's fantastic, we're so gonna party tonight, ill make a flan Summer: oh well you know what Taylor actually (looks at Taylor) Seth an I were thinkin about hanging out alone, my dads out of town we have the house to ourselves Taylor: aaaah say no more (winks at and nudges Summer) hm Summer: (looks at Taylor) what Taylor: (winks) hm Summer: Taylor (grabs Taylor's arm, frowns) what's wrong with your eye Taylor: it's a knowing wink Summer, you an Seth, the house all to yourselves (pokes Summer playfully) who knows what could happen Summer: me, there'll be left over Thai an the Blade trilogy Taylor: (screws up face) oh (gasps, concerned) oh, oh I didn't realise that you an Seth had (looks around, softly) lost the magic (Summer looks at her) I'm suprised you didn't come to me sooner you must be panicking Summer: (defensively, hand on hip) um ok I didn't come ta you, an (raises eyebrows) why would I panic Taylor: well it looks you two are going to college together, don't you worry that Seth's eye will wander (Summer squints) all the nubile young co-eds, you (points) the familiar old shoe Summer: um ill have you know Taylor that I am like five levels hotter than him (raises eyebrows) Taylor: Summer, the libido does not listen to logic, at this age men are driven by a reptilian force (looks at Summer wide eyed, almost creepily, softly) spread the seed (opens hand at Summer) spread the seed (again) spread the s- (again) (Summer looks at Taylor, clearly creeped out. she grabs her hand) Summer: Taylor, if Seth an I go ta college together we will be just fine an ill have you know we have a very healthy sex life (leaves) Taylor: w- then super (calls) you have fun tonight, but Summer if you ever need to girl talk you know- Summer: bye Taylor (Taylor waves and we hear the bell ring) CUT TO: Cohen backyard - Ryan is sitting beside the pool staring down at the toy car. Sadie walks into the open pool house then heads out to Ryan Ryan: hey Sadie: glad your home Ryan: yeah I jus walked in, I didn't know you were stoppin by (moves school bag off the other chair) Sadie: (sits) I needed a break from the dry walling (Ryan looks at her) (smiles) your still inta toy cars (Ryan quickly puts the car in his pocket, sighs and smiles) Sadie: I think I'm gonna choose ta find that cute instead'a creepy Ryan: it's just something...someone gave me Sadie: this wouldn't by any chance have anything to do with that Hooters waitress that showed up at your doorstep yesterday Ryan: eh Jess is just a friend'a my brothers (Sadie looks at him) id tell ya the whole story but Sadie: but you'd just rather not (frowns) (Ryan looks at her) that's cool (nods) but just know that if you do decide to tell me I will listen, an without judgment (Ryan looks away) or you can keep it all to yourself, both are fine with me (Ryan looks at Sadie, forces a smile then it goes. Sadie looks down, Ryan looks down then back at Sadie) Sadie: ok, I'm gonna get going (Sadie grabs her bag and leaves. Ryan keeps looking down) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Sandy is writing at his desk and we hear a knock at the door. Sandy looks up and we see a man standing in the doorway Sandy: Dr. Henry Griffin, what a suprise (stands) Henry: I hope you don't mind Sandy: please, we're buildin a hospital together, when alls said an done (shakes Henry's hand) we'll be like family (Henry laughs) hang on a sec let me get Matt in here Henry: um, id rather that you didn't (Sandy looks at Henry and motions for him to take a seat) Henry: the board called an impromptu meeting yesterday it seems there's been some complaints about your associate (looks at Sandy) Sandy: complaints Henry: rumours, partys at his house, booze, gambling (shrugs) god knows what else, boards not sure they wanna do business with him Sandy: (thinks, frowns) well ill talk to him, make sure he cleans up his act Henry: this is not about a slap on the wrist Sandy we want him off the project Sandy: Matt worked his ass off on this deal I (shakes head)...I couldn't take him off it Henry: (stands) then I'm afraid we can't go forward with the hospital Sandy: (stands) you gotta be kidding me Henry: take a few days, mull it over (Sandy listens) remember Sandy this hospital could change everything for you, d'you really wanna give it all up for one twenty six year old hot sht (we see a close up of Sandy thinking) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen, night - Ryan is in there making himself a sandwich, Seth comes in Seth: hey man Ryan: hey Seth: what's goin on tonight big plans with Sadie (takes meat) Ryan: uhhh (sighs) maybe, I don't know I (looks at Seth) haven't really decided yet Seth: yeah, what's plan b (sits at the end of the counter) Jess Ryan: I don't know I jus need'a know if Treys ok (looks at Seth) Seth: well nothing you hear is gonna make it easier (looks at Ryan) that he's not apart'a your life (Ryan looks away) listen as we speak your new uh sometimes...kinda girlfriend is probably sitting by, cradling a hunk of plaster waiting for you to make a move (Ryan looks at him) so you can either dwell on the past an go see Jess or live for the now an give Sadie a call (Ryan looks down thinking) CUT TO: The lifeguard tower - we see Marissa in her usual spot, sadly staring out at the ocean. Marissa looks at the watch that Volchok gave her back, she's wearing it on her wrist. she looks down at it then grabs her cell phone, she opens it and we hear a beep and then we see a flashback. its of when Volchok went to Marissa at the lifeguard tower in the end of 317 Volchok: so you called the flash back ends and Marissa looks down at the end of the ramp, no one is standing there for her this time, aww. she looks harder as if maybe she has seen something but then she closes her eyes and smiles before standing up and running down the ramp CUT TO: Matt's apartment - we hear a knock at the door and see Matt inside, he goes to open the door. Marissa is standing there Matt: Marissa Marissa: hi Matt: hey (Marissa looks at him, almost unsure) come on in Marissa: thanks (Matt shuts the door) Matt: just in the neighbourhood Marissa: yeah, kinda just driving by Matt: oh Marissa: (closes eyes) ok, no I wasn't (Matt looks at her) the truth is Summers with Seth an I'm all alone (frowns) an I'm kinda going outta my mind Matt: well you know tomorrow I'm gonna go up to LA but if you want feel free to make this your crash pad for the weekend Marissa: (relieved) that'd be great Matt: alright (motions) make yourself at home CUT TO: Roberts' house - Summer and Seth are on the couch watching Blade together, Seth sighs and gets up to put the next disk in Seth: alright (looks at Summer) two down one to go Summer: you really wanna watch the entire (closes eyes) Blade trilogy Seth: cant leave the last disk unwatched it'll feel bad Summer: well I thought tonight was about celebrating (shrugs) your interview Seth: it is, hence the trilogy (sits next to Summer) Summer: you know (Seth sighs and puts his feet up) (moves closer to Seth) we could forget the movie, go upstairs (Summer starts kissing/nuzzling Seth's neck. Seth frowns, not realising what Summer is trying to do) Summer: (sniffs) mmmm, you smell so good Seth: you like the smell of salami Summer: (looks at Seth) Cohen Seth: what I had a salami sub I feel like its lingering Summer: oh you know what just forget it Seth: forget what Summer: (shrugs) I was trying ta create a mood Seth: I know, I know that now I was jus thrown off a little bit by your approach (smiles) Summer: nuzzling your ear an complimenting you I wasn't exactly reinventing the wheel Seth: well normally you jus throw me down an do your thing (Summer looks at him, frowning) (tries to grab Summers waist) but I can adjust Summer: (pushes Seth away) not interested Seth: Summer (Seth closes his eyes and leans forward, subtly sniffing Summer, he also makes a weird expression. Summer looks at him, frowning) Seth: mmmmm (raises eyebrows) you smell good too Summer: (scoffs, unimpressed) press play before I break your face (looks at the TV) Seth: fine (Seth grabs the remote and presses a button) CUT TO: Ryan in the car - he has his cell phone up to his ear and we hear this message msg: Sadie: hey its Sadie, leave a message Ryan: (stops the car) hey, so I know your painting but its Friday night, I'm makin you take a break (takes off seatbelt) ill be there in twenty minutes ok, bye (Ryan hangs up and gets out of the car. we can see that is parked out the front of Jess' mansion. we see him heading towards the door then the sht changes and we see Jess inside heading towards the front door, which Ryan is now standing at. Ryan forces a smile, Jess opens the door, happy to see him) Jess: hey Ryan (smiles) I was just about to take a swim, come on in (Ryan looks at Jess, sighs and then goes inside) Ryan: look I can't stay long Jess: but you couldn't resist getting the lowdown on your brother (shuts door) guy has a way of sucking you in (Ryan blinks) I know, drink (starts to walk away) Ryan: just tell me, is he ok Jess: (stops and looks at Ryan) well he misses you (Ryan looks at her) Treys not the type to cry into his pillow every night but, I can tell Ryan: (skeptical) you know him that well huh Jess: lets jus say he's of a certain mold, (raises eyebrows, shrugs) angry, damaged, reckless, it's the kinda guy I go for (Ryan looks away) my boyfriend now, Jim, same deal...we all have our types don't we (Ryan looks off to the side) tell you what why don't you stay a while (starts to walk away) Ryan: look Jess we were never friends Jess: (stops, looks at Ryan) got it...(shrugs) you can go if you want (Ryan closes his eyes then heads towards the door) Jess: d'you know Treys dealing (Ryan stops and looks at her) (moves closer) blackjack, off the strip Ryan: so he's stayin outta trouble Jess: (shrugs) trying to (Ryan looks down) don't move (points) I'm gonna get some clothes (starts up the stairs) Ryan: Jess Jess: (stops, looks at Ryan) jus stay a little while (Ryan isn't sure) I have alot more to tell you about Trey (Jess keeps walking up the stairs, as she does she takes her pink robe off revealing a 2 piece bikini. we see a close up of her back side, then we see her from the front, looking sure of herself. then we see a close up of Ryan watching Jess, then he looks away) CUT TO: Pool house, next morning - Ryan is punching his punching bag, the first few punches are slow, he jabs twice with his left hand then once with his right, the next ht is a little harder and we can now see he is sweating. he jabs again with his left then he does a hard punch with his right hand, we then see a flash back of Trey being wheeled on the stretcher, the night Marissa sht him. Ryan hits his head against the punching bag then jabs softly with his left hand, he does another semi hard ht with his right hand and we see another flashback. this one is of when Trey stole the Camaro and Ryan is with him, they crash it because of the police chasing them. Ryan punches harder again with his right hand, then harder still with his left, we see another hard punch with his left hand and another flashback. this time its of when Trey made a scene at the store in 217 because the manager wanted him to open his bags and Trey was offended by it, this then changes to when Ryan punched Trey at his apartment the night of the shting in 224. we see Ryan punch the bag again, three times with his left then once with his right and then another flashback. first it's Ryan and Trey crashing down on top of Treys coffee table, again from 224 then it's the precise moment the bllet enters Treys chest and fly's out of his back. Ryan punches again with his left hand then we see a close up of Treys bloody, shocked face, its the bit before he turns to look at Marissa. this changes to Ryan sitting beside Treys hospital bed and Seth is leaning on the wall, its from 301. Ryan punches left right left right hard and fast then we see another flashback. the police car is next to the Camaro, then this changes to Trey pointing the gn at Ryan, then its of Trey and Ryan hugging when he first got out of prison in 217 and then we see Ryan punch again, he is looking really upset now. another flashback, it's of Trey sitting on the bus with his eyes closed from the end of 301, we see the bus pull away and Ryan standing there watching it go. Ryan punches 3 more times, hard, it goes right left right then he notices Kirsten watching him in the doorway. Ryan is literally dripping with sweat now he takes a few deep breaths Ryan: music too loud Kirsten: (yells) no it's just the grunting an (Ryan turns the music off so she talks normally) excessive (smiles) banging that I'm concerned about Ryan: (smiles) sorry (grabs towel) Kirsten: you ok Ryan: (sighs) yeah, yeah (sits) Kirsten: (walks in) girl problems Ryan: (thinks)safe bet usually but no actually this is more complicated (looks down) Kirsten: is it that girl Jess again Ryan: yeah (looks at Kirsten) an my brother, jus tryin'a prevent another casualty of Trey Kirsten: so you're trying to save this girl Ryan: is that something I do (smiles) Kirsten: (moves closer) look we love Marissa an she's family (shrugs) and she means alot to us but she's been through so much an you got pulled inta that Ryan: yeah well some'a that was my fault (Kirsten looks at him) but your right, your right I cant argue with it Kirsten: you should never argue with a woman who's here to discuss women (Ryan looks at her) have we mentioned that we love Sadie (smiles) she's smart an she's grounded Ryan: (shakes head) an I am trying, trying (smiles) not to screw it up Kirsten: jus because a girl isn't tied to some train tracks (raises eyebrows) doesn't mean that she should be ignored Ryan: I know I know its jus Jess is tryin'a put Trey behind her, start a new life Kirsten: great, as long as she doesn't get in the way of yours (Ryan nods) CUT TO: Matt's apartment - we see Marissa in the kitchen making herself a coffee in PJs and hear a knock at the door, she goes to open it. Sandy is standing there and he's beyond suprised to see Marissa and not Matt Sandy: Marissa Marissa: ...Sandy (Sandy looks at her confused) look I know its weird I slept here, but I jus didn't feel like being in the trailer by myself Sandy: if you need somewhere to go you can always come to our house Marissa: (closes eyes) I-I know you guys are like family...it's just that these days Sandy: (nods) things are difficult with you an Ryan I get that, but you don't belong here Marissa: ok um I was jus leaving anyway, if you're looking for Matt he went to LA for a meeting Sandy: well, ill track him down, an you go home Marissa: ok Sandy: alright (Marissa shuts the door, Sandy sighs and looks worried) CUT TO: The diner - Summer goes over to a waitress Summer: excuse me (waitress looks up) yeah hi um I'm picking up an order for Roberts Waitress: sure, just a second Summer: thanks (while Summer is waiting for her order Taylor comes up behind her and covers Summers eyes with her hands. Summer gasps) Taylor: guess who Summer: oh god (Taylor uncovers Summers eyes, Summer turns around and sees that it's Taylor!) Taylor: (excitedly squeals) hi (laughs) Summer: oh Taylor: looks like someone got the short straw Summer: (confused) what, no I ordered pancakes Taylor: no, you-you you drew the short straw (Summer looks at her, clueless) you know after the sex when everyone's hungry but nobody wants to get the take out short straw picks up the food Summer: (plays along) yes, that is exactly what your seeing happening here (Taylor puts her hands together excitedly) total short straw scenario, with the hunger an all the sex we had last night (softly) yes Taylor: so was last night like totally kinky or was it like more about tender love making you know smooth jazz a burning fre (closes her eyes, getting into it) a zebra skin rug Summer: we had a very nice time (nods) Taylor: oh my god you didn't have (softly) sex at all did you Summer: (yells, avoiding Taylor) are my pancakes ready yet! Taylor: (looks) your lips aren't chapped there's no love bites on your neck (Summer touches her neck self consciously) your voice isn't all hoarse from screaming (Summer frowns) Waitress: pancakes right Summer: (takes bag) thankyou, goodbye Taylor (starts to leave) Taylor: Summer (calls) Summer wait I can help you CUT TO: Johnny's house - Sadie is inside painting and Ryan comes in through the backdoor Ryan: hey Sadie: hey, grab a brush we're in the home stretch (Ryan walks in) so I thought maybe I was gonna see you last night Ryan: got tied up sorry Sadie: what'do you work for the CIA (climbs the ladder) Ryan: (looks down then at Sadie) doesn't matter I uh I got distracted for a few days but I'm fine an now in fact (points) I'm all yours Sadie: ok, fine, your forgiven (Ryan nods) but uh in exchange for your silence I demand a dinner Ryan: ok, tomorrow night Sadie: (looks down at Ryan) ok, perfect, yeah (smiles) CUT TO: Julie's trailer, now night - Marissa eats some cereal out of the box, looks down at her cell phone then picks it up and dials. we hear this message msg: Summer: hey it's Summer (Marissa frowns) leave a message CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten and Sandy are in there together making dinner, aww Sandy: so nothing happened, still, Matt should know better Kirsten: mm but he doesn't, you have to remember that he's not that much older than the boys, he just needs some advice from the great Sandy Cohen (puts her arms around Sandy's neck) Sandy: oooh sometimes you over estimate (giggles) meooo (Kirsten wraps her arms around Sandy's neck) Kirsten: not possible (Seth and Ryan come in from outside) Seth: (screws up face) oh, get a room (sits at the counter) Sandy: hey count your blessings, kids with affectionate parents grow up to be better adjusted sexually as adults Seth: I know I meant get a room, my room an do it in front of me (Ryan laughs, Kirsten and Sandy smile. we hear Ryan's cell phone ring, he looks at who is calling) Seth: (looks at Ryan) is it Sadie Ryan: no its Jess (Kirsten, Sandy and Seth all look worried) Ryan: (sighs, answers) Jess...whoa whoa sl-sl-sl slow down slow down I cant...what'do you mean (Kirsten looks at him) no no no no no stay put stay put ill be right there (hangs up) (the next thing we see is Ryan come out of the front door and get into the range rover. Kirsten comes out a few seconds after him) Kirsten: hey, I thought you weren't gonna let this happen to you again Ryan: (looks at Kirsten) after this I'm done (starts car) if I need help ill call ok (Ryan reverses and Kirsten watches, worried) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - Marissa and Summer are there together Marissa: thanks for coming out Summer: yeah I needed to talk about Seth anyway Marissa: so have you talked to him today Summer: no I think we're just too embarrassed to face each other, either that or he's treading water till he gets ta Brown an finds a big pair'a pale New England boobs to replace me Marissa: aww babe you just had an off night (nods, reassuringly) it'll be ok Summer: this ever happen with you an Ryan Marissa: actually no (raises eyebrows) I mean we had our problems that just wasn't one of em Summer: what about towards the end when you guys started drifting apart Marissa: kinda the opposite, I guess (notices Volchok watching her from the bar) the more emotionally unavailable you are the...more you end up wanting each other (Volchok looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at him then drinks and looks back at him. Summer notices) Summer: (frowns) what're you looking at (Summer looks in the same direction but Volchok looks away and the crowd blocks her view) Marissa: nothing hey you think maybe we should get outta here (shrugs) Summer: sold (Summer puts her drink down and they leave) CUT TO: Jess' mansion - Ryan is at the front door and Jess opens it. Ryan walks in and Jess looks around a little before she closes the door. it seems like she's worried about someone being around Jess: (worried) did you see him Ryan: not yet, how many times has he come around (frowns) Jess: started a couple hours ago, he's been calling too Ryan: an when'd you end it Jess: earlier today, I guess I was inspired by our talk last night (Ryan listens) so I called him up, told him I didn't wanna see him anymore an (raises eyebrows) now here I am, down a boyfriend up a stalker (Ryan nods and notices a car pull up outside) Ryan: is that him in the Mustang Jess: (looks) yep, he's coming in Ryan: yeah, just (points) go in the back (Jess starts to leave and we hear a car door shut. the ex walks towards the front door and Ryan opens it just before he can) Ryan: look man she doesn't wanna see you Jim: (looks at Ryan) who the hell are you her bodyguard Ryan: no but ill kick your ass if you take one step further (blinks, means it) (the next thing we see is Jess sitting with her knees to her chest in another room, she looks scared. Ryan comes in) Jess: (looks up) he's gone Ryan: yeah, I don't think he'll be back (Jess looks down) are you gonna be ok Jess: (nods) ill be fine (forces a smile, rubs arms) I promise Ryan: (unconvinced) you sure Jess: (looks at Ryan, shakes head) Ryan, I know you don't believe me but (nods) I really am trying to change, you don't have'ta stay (Ryan nods and heads towards the front door, before he gets there he notices a photo of Trey sticking out of Jess' purse. Ryan looks back in the direction of where Jess is and then we see Jess with a blanket over her, still on the couch. Ryan pulls out the photo of Trey and looks at it, he frowns and looks to the side then back down at the photo, then puts the photo back. the next thing we see is Ryan walking back into the room that Jess is in) CUT TO: Jess' backyard, next morning - Ryan comes outside and Jess is already out there Ryan: morning Jess: hey, scrambled or fried, I made both Ryan: neither, I should get going (sighs) but coffee'd be nice (sits, drinks coffee) Jess: Ryan, don't look all awkward, like it's the morning after its not like anything happened last night (Ryan looks at her) stay (we hear Jess' cell phone ring) Jess: eat (Ryan frowns) let me get rid'a this (answers) hello...Trey (Ryan looks at her) hi (glances at Ryan) of course I do (Ryan looks away) id have'ta think about it (glances at Ryan) look...I gotta go I'm sitting here with your brother (looks at Ryan) sure...hang on (holds phone out to Ryan) d'you wanna talk to him (Ryan looks at her, then away then back)...now's not a good time (looks at Ryan) ill call you later (hangs up) (Jess sits back on the chair and Ryan looks at her) Jess: (nods) he wants me ta come back Ryan: well what happened to tryin'a change your life Jess: I am trying (smiles) its jus that it's Trey (Ryan looks away) its hard (shrugs) especially all by myself Ryan: well what about your parents where are they Jess: well my dads in Tokyo on business an my moms at the spa aka in bed with her tennis instructor, so as you can see I don't have much to distract me, unless you wanna give it a try (Ryan looks away, Jess smiles at him) Ryan: look I can't stay here an babysit you what about your girlfriends at USC Jess: (sits forward) I guess I could give them a call, see if they wanna come down Ryan: call em, invite em down, jus take a breath (stands) Jess: Ryan ill try but (shrugs, worried) what if I freak out Ryan: you won't (smiles) (Jess sighs and leans back) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is on the phone and Seth is reading the paper at the end of the counter Sandy: Matt, call me back we got alot to discuss (hangs up) Seth: everything ok (looks at Sandy) Sandy: oooh its just business, hey, I heard you aced your Brown interview Seth: mmm, mm Sandy: looks like the stars are aligning for you, an Summer (Seth nods) could be another four years together Seth: yeah, hey let me ask you a (looks at Sandy) question (Sandy looks at him) when you were at college with mom did it ever...get sorta stale with the monogamy an the constant being together Sandy: (thinks) your mother was a firecracker (raises eyebrows) Seth: (regretting the question) ok (smiles awkwardly) Sandy: my buddies use'ta say if you see that mail truck rockin (shakes head) don't come'a knockin Seth: so sorry I asked (Kirsten comes in from outside) Kirsten: good morning honey Sandy: hi honey (smiles) Kirsten: have either of you guys seen Ryan I jus checked the pool house an it looks like he didn't sleep there last night (Sadie comes in carrying a brown paper bag and looking very cheery) Sadie: good morning everyone Sandy: Sadie, hello Kirsten: oh hi Sadie Sadie: I brought bagels, hope you don't mind me crashing your breakfast Kirsten: oh not at all, let me get you some coffee Sadie: hey is Ryan around (Seth chews on his fingers, Sandy shakes his head) Kirsten: uhhh e- w- e- umm (looks at Seth, Sadie does as well, Seth looks away)...actually Seth: (sighs) you've really gotta learn to lie better (looks at Kirsten) (Sadie looks from Seth to Kirsten and Sandy) Kirsten: we'll jus let you two (leaves) Sandy: (follows Kirsten) you really are a terrible liar my dear Kirsten: you could'a jumped in Sadie: (picks up coffee) so let me guess, Ryan got some nine one one call from that Jess girl an it required him spending the night Seth: that has not been confirmed (holds up finger) Sadie: you don't have'ta protect him Seth (smiles) its fine honestly I'm not jealous, I'm jus not really sure that Ryan an I are right for each other Seth: (looks at Sadie) because Sadie: ...because he jus seems ta have alotta really intense issues Seth: yeah well intense issues seem ta follow Ryan around Sadie: well I don't really know if I'm up for that right now Seth: well listen, I think Ryan really likes you an I think if you hang in there you two will eventually settle into a uh (shakes head) super laid back boring ass relationship (Sadie listens) but you gotta cut the guy some slack because he just got out of a two year drama fest with Marissa an the one time that he tried to date someone normal, she turned out to be my dad grandfathers illegitimate daughter so, you know how that goes Sadie: (squints) right yeah of course, of course I know how that goes (Seth looks at her) d'you think you could do me a favour an not tell Ryan that we talked (Seth looks at her) I assume you know how to keep a secret CUT TO: Roberts house - Summer is in her bedroom lying on her bed reading a magazine, we hear a knock at the door Summer: (calls) nobody's home (Taylor walks in) Taylor: don't worry it's just me Summer: (sits up) oh, hi Taylor: so listen (sits on the bed) I hate to pop in like this but I am meeting with Ashley an Madison at school later today to brainstorm for a prom theme, d'you wanna come Summer: oh you, you probably don't need me for that Taylor: Summer are you kidding me, it's the end of the year we are all fried, come on please Summer: fine Taylor: (squeals excitedly) yay (claps hands) here you go (hands Summer flier) Summer: d'you have'ta print out a flier for everything Taylor: you'll thank me when you make your two thousand an six scrapbook (stands) Summer: (sarcastically, moves head side to side) ooooooh CUT TO: The Newport Group - Sandy is standing and Matt is sitting on a couch, i think its Sandy's office Matt: (worked up) I mean there was the party with Bill Merriam the-the few dates I went on with Maya (puts hand in the air) nothing that the board could oust me for Sandy: what about Marissa Matt: what about Marissa Sandy: I went to your house yesterday to talk to you an she answered the door in pyjamas Matt: she's goin through a tough time, she needed a friend Sandy: well then be a friend, but for god sake Matt do not be throwin pyjama partys with seventeen year old girls Matt: nothing happened Sandy: that doesn't matter, an right now the board is watchin you waitin for you to screw up and your screwin up! Matt: (looks away) this is a witch hunt, if they wanna take me down they will unless you stop em (Sandy looks at him) I mean so please, call Griffin, tell him your gonna keep me out of the project (Sandy looks as though he's thinking and then turns away) CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer walks into a room that Taylor is already in Summer: eww, school on a Sunday is like beyond creepy Taylor: Summer your right on time (claps hands, smiles) Summer: where's um Ashley an Madison (Taylor looks as though she's about to say something but before she can Seth comes into the same room from the far door) Seth: (frowns) Summer (Taylor looks at him) Summer: (confused) Cohen (Taylor grins at Seth mischievously and he realises what she's up to) Seth: (sighs) you know ya said the AV club was meeting I...brought History Of volence (holds up DVD) Summer: (realises) this is a total ambush Taylor: (touches Summers shoulders and moves her closer to Seth) look, you two are like my family (touches her chest dramatically) (Summer rolls her eyes) an if I sense theres trouble with my Sethummer (puts arm around Seth's shoulder so she's walking with both now) I am gonna do what I can to help Seth: we're not in any trouble, (sits at the table) at least that we've acknowledged to each other Taylor: (points to Seth) that is exactly why I brought you here today, communication (looks at Summer, Summer frowns then looks at Seth) intimacy (Seth frowns and looks from Summer to Taylor) these are two skills (points to both) that you two could improve upon (hits the table) now, I am not a licensed sex therapist but (holds up finger) my father was an before he ran away (Summer squints) he use'ta conduct these sessions with real couples in our basement Seth: (looks up with a freaky smile) that's creepy Taylor: (leans down to be closer) ok, we're going to start off with touching (Summer looks at Seth) I want you to place your hands (Seth looks at Summer) anywhere on each others bodies (Seth looks at Taylor) (points) excluding breasts an genitals Seth: (looks at Taylor then down) I have'ta go (starts to stand) Summer: Cohen (Seth stops half standing) put your hands on me, now (Seth blinks and then sits back down) Taylor: come on it'll be fun (Seth leans towards Summer and Summer leans towards Seth. Seth just puts his hand randomly on Summers face, you can imagine how he does it,lol his first finger is right next to Summers eye and his thumb is under her chin and kind of scrunching up Summers cheek/mouth. Summer rolls her eyes) Taylor: Summer (Summer puts her hand near Seth's elbow on the arm that is touching her. Taylor is standing in front of them both so we can see Seth and Summer side on, and Taylor's head between them) Taylor: good, ok now I want you to concentrate on your eye contact, get lost in each others gaze (Seth and Summer look into each others eyes but unfortunately there is not much chemistry happening) Seth: mmm getting lost, I'm getting lost (Summer looks at Seth and moves her eyebrows a little, because of where Seth has his hand the side of her mouth is curled up a tad which adds to her expression of almost boredom) Taylor: as you gaze into each others eyes, do you feel stirrings (hopeful) deep (raises eyebrows) in your loins (Seth squints at Summer, Summer squints at him both trying to feel something. Seth opens his mouth wide, Summer looks at him hopeful) Seth: (lets go of Summers face) no I don't really feel anything Summer: yeah I got nothing Taylor: not even the faintest spark (Seth looks at Summer) a tiny flicker Summer: what'does it say about us (Summer and Seth look at Taylor) Taylor: (matter of factly) well (shakes head) I also do break up counselling CUT TO: The diner - Sadie and Ryan are sitting in a booth together, opposite each other. the waitress is standing beside Sadie Waitress: and for you Sadie: ill have the same, thankyou (hands the menu to the waitress, smiles at Ryan) Ryan: (smiles) so I'm sorry that I didn't take you any place nicer for our first date Sadie: are you kidding, this place is the culinary destination of Newport Ryan: wait till you try the pancakes (raises eyebrows) Sadie: next time (raises eyebrows) Ryan: next time Sadie: that's the plan? (smiles) (we hear Ryan's phone ring) Ryan: yeah, alright uh-hm scuse me (answers) Jess (Sadie looks at Ryan) (we see a raging party going on at Jess', her friend Kim is the one that rang Ryan) Kim: is this Ryan Atwood Ryan: who's this (frowns) Kim: Kim I'm Jess' friend, look we really need you to come over here Ryan: w-w- what's goin on in the background Kim: well word got out about Jess' tonight an now half of USC is here (Ryan listens) an supposedly Jim is on his way over here an on a rampage (Sadie looks at Ryan) Ryan: ...alright well grab Jess an get out of there Kim: I would but she's locked in the pool house, she's drunk an she's crying an she says the only person she'll talk to...is you Ryan: w-w (sighs, looks at Sadie, closes his eyes, raises eyebrows) yeah, ok ill be right there (hangs up) Sadie: (looks at Ryan)...is everything ok Ryan: ...yeah, not really (looks down) Sadie: ok, you know if you have to go Ryan go, its fine, really I get it Ryan: (raises eyebrows) you do Sadie: (shakes head) no, I don't (Ryan looks at her) but I get that something's pulling you under an I get that you cant let it go, so whatever it is please jus go deal with it an find me when your done (Sadie picks up her bag and leaves. Ryan watches her and then looks down at his phone) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - Marissa is there by herself and seems to be looking around for somebody. she puts her hands in her jeans pockets and looks around just as Volchok appears out of the crowd behind her Volchok: I'm right here Marissa: (looks at Volchok) I wasn't looking for you Volchok: but I'm here now Marissa: whatever this game is you're playing, you can stop it Volchok: you don't want me to go away (shakes head) Marissa: (looks at Volchok) really what makes you say that Volchok: you're lonely Marissa: (looks away then at Volchok) right (raises eyebrows) well thanks for the analysis, I feel much better (goes to walk away) Volchok: (steps in front of Marissa) no look, if you need a break from everything goin on in there (points to Marissa's head) I could help Marissa: (closes her eyes, almost sadly) I think I'm doing just fine on my own (leaves) (Volchok turns to watch Marissa leave) CUT TO: Jess' mansion - we see random people dancing and having a good time then we see Ryan making his way through the crowd. Kim walks up to him Kim: you must be Ryan Ryan: yep Kim: Jess' so glad your here, she's in there, still wont come out (Ryan heads towards the pool house that is decorated in fairy lights. he tries the door handle and the door just shakes a little) Ryan: (calls) Jess (knocks) Jess it's me open up (Jess opens the door and pulls Ryan inside, she looks like hell) Jess: you came (shuts door) Ryan: yeah what is it, what're you so upset about huh Jess: (pulls Ryan to her) I thought that I could have some friends over but- an then I started missing you Ryan: well let's go outside there worried about you Jess: no no no no no (stops Ryan leaving) I don't (Ryan sighs) I don't wanna be with my friends I wanna be in here with you Ryan: yeah, well that's not a good idea Jess: (looks at Ryan) are you kidding, this is the first good idea I've had, Jim an Trey none'a those other guys knew how to take care'a me...you know how to take care'a me Ryan (Ryan nods and Jess puts her arms around his neck upset. Ryan sighs) Ryan: it's alright (Jess cries on Ryan's shoulder) (sighs) its ok (Jess starts kissing Ryan's neck and touching his hair) Ryan: (closes eyes) Jess, Jess (tries to pull away) Jess (Jim Jess' ex boyfriend comes in and sees her all over Ryan) Jim: hey (Ryan and Jess look at him standing in the doorway) Jim: movin on already is that what this is (Jim moves closer to Ryan/Jess, Ryan goes over to Jim) Ryan: you wanna settle this with someone settle it with me (Jim looks at Jess, Jess looks upset. Kim the friend from earlier goes over to comfort Jess) Ryan: you wanna talk outside Jim: (clenches teeth) yeah (leaves) Ryan: lock the door (Jess and Kim look at Ryan, Ryan leaves and slams the door shut behind him - back outside we see more random people drinking, dancing, having fun then we see Jim and Ryan facing each other beside the pool) Jim: so what you're seein her now Ryan: she's just a friend'a my brothers Jim: not that guy Trey Ryan: look (looks at Jim) Jim: what your here to take your brothers left overs (Jim punches Ryan in the face, hard. he swings again but Ryan ducks. Jim goes for Ryan again but Ryan manages to pin him on the ground, Ryan is sort of sitting on top of him and holding him down at the chest) Ryan: now listen'a me, you gotta stay away from this girl she's tryin'a start over you gotta let her Jim: (clenches teeth) none of your business what- Ryan: (breathing heavy, realises) your right, which is why I'm leaving (stands) (Ryan walks away then we see him out the front of Jess' heading towards the car. Jess comes out of the front door after him) Jess: (calls) Ryan, Ryan are you ok Ryan: yeah I'm fine, look (looks at Jess) Jess if your smart you'll stay away from him, an my brother Jess: of course I will a- after the way you fought for me (puts arms around Ryan's neck) Ryan: (pulls Jess' arms away) look you gotta stop dating guys like him (Jess looks down) an I gotta stop dating girls like you (nods) take care'a yourself (Jess folds her arms and watches Ryan leave) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Seth is sitting on the bed reading something and we hear a knock at the door. Seth looks over just as Taylor walks in Taylor: helloooo (smiles) Seth: Taylor I really don't want to talk to you about my sex problems with Summer Taylor: ok ok (holds up hands)so the intimacy exercises were a miserable failure but I don't think you should lose hope (Taylor rolls a chair over to Seth's bed and sits in front of him. Seth is now sitting on the edge of the bed so they are facing each other) Seth: why d'you have some sort of secret cure Taylor: (points) as a matter of fact I do (brings hands together) its called raunchy sex (Seth looks away) now now (holds up hands) you don't see me as a sexual being Seth I mean I get that (nods) but without revealing too much (Seth looks at her) if sex were a martial art (Seth screws up his face) (proudly) I would be a black belt Seth: (thinks, shakes head) weirdly I'm not suprised Taylor: now I would like ta talk to you about a little something callled (holds up book) the Kama Sutra Seth: (shakes head in disbelief) how do you know all this Taylor: lets just say Dean Hess hid a treasure trove of secrets underneath his pink shirts (smiles reminiscently) (Seth screws up his face tightly) (opens book) ok, position one Seth: (closes eyes, looks away) ok I really don't wanna picture you doing that with the nzi Dean Taylor: (closes the book frustrated) Seth! (points) do you want your sparks back with Summer Seth: (looks at Taylor, reluctantly)...yes Taylor: then listen an learn (holds book back up, Seth watches) ok this the yoni an this is the lingam (Seth screws up his face) CUT TO: NB Yacht Club - Henry Griffin and Sandy are sitting at a table together Sandy: look Matt may not of shown the best'a judgment but its nothing id fre him over Henry: and the uh sacrificing one life to save the many argument Sandy: I don't get it, the board loves you Henry, one phone call from you nobody has to sacrifice anyone Henry: what makes you think I would do that Sandy: business (looks at Henry) our plan is the best one you know that, makes me wonder about the board though that they'd scrap a lucrative project over something like this, it makes no sense from a business perspective but (looks at Henry) maybe its personal (Henry looks at him) this is about Maya, isn't it Henry: she cried for days over him Sandy: I'm sorry Henry (looks down, frowns) but you didn't have'ta lie to me Henry: I'm just a father looking after his daughter Sandy: (nods) reason an logic don't stand a chance, I understand that Henry: all different kinds'a loyalty Sandy I chose mine, now you choose yours, what's it gonna be, hospital (raises eyebrow, looks at Sandy) or Matt (Sandy looks at Henry then away) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - we hear/see Summers phone ring, Summer reaches across from her bed and picks it up to see who's calling Summer: (answers) hey Coop (we now see Marissa sitting at the diner by herself on her phone) Marissa: you ok Sum Summer: yeah just Cohen called, he's coming over an he wants to talk, it doesn't bode well Marissa: well maybe he's coming to patch things up (shrugs) Summer: or maybe he's coming over to break up with me, anyway it means that I can't hang out tonight ok Marissa: oh hey I- I totally understand, jus call me later Summer: (softly) ok (hangs up) (we see Marissa put her cell down on the table and then she brings her shoulders up sadly) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Sandy comes in and Kirsten's already in there in a robe Sandy: hey Kirsten: hey, how'd it go Sandy: fine...fine Kirsten: Matt called a couple'a times, sounded nervous (Sandy nods, then we hear his cell phone rings. Sandy takes it out and looks at who is calling) Kirsten: Matt Sandy: yeah Kirsten: ill let you talk to him (motions) I'm gonna go lock up the house (Kirsten leaves, Sandy sits down on the edge of the bed and looks at the ringing cell phone in his hand then puts it away without answering - at Matt's apartment we see him looking worried) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is in there and it's pretty dark, there's only one corner lamp thing on. he has the toy car in his hand. Kirsten comes to the door and goes to shut it Kirsten: oh hey (Ryan puts the car down) I- I didn't know you were here Ryan: yeah Kirsten: didn't you have a date with Sadie tonight Ryan: (nods) almost (sighs) but then Kirsten: that girl Jess again Ryan: yeah I think I finally learned my lesson but now it might be too late Kirsten: it's never too late (Ryan looks at her) you just have'ta talk to her (Ryan looks down, Kirsten smiles and closes the door. Ryan looks back over towards the door then suddenly grabs the toy car and leaves) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - we see a close up of Princess Sparkly lying on Summers lap. Seth knocks and goes in Seth: hey, am I interrupting (shuts door) Summer: (looks at Seth) Princess Sparkles here (raises eyebrows) for emotional support (looks down, sadly) helping to cushion me before the fall Seth: well you may wanna put her in her drawer cause I don't think she should see what's about to happen Summer: (looks at Seth) that bad Seth: now for the next twenty minutes or (raises eyebrows) twenty four hours if I turn out to be Sting ya have'ta keep an open mind Summer: what're you talking about (frowns) Seth: (helps Summer stand up) now if you'll be so kind as to disrobe we will begin with the wheelbarrow position Summer: (looks at Seth) oh my god, eww Seth: now as it turns out I have recently been schooled in the art of tantric sex (holds up the Kama Sutra book) Summer: (taken aback, folds arms) where some pervy internet chat room Seth: nn no it was very tasteful, Taylor came over Summer: (shocked, raises eyebrows) what, Taylor like came over to your house an gave you one on one sex education Seth: is that a no ta the wheelbarrow (shakes head, frowns) Summer: ill wheelbarrow you! (Summer goes to ht Seth with her hand but Seth puts his hand up and grabs her wrist, stopping her from hitting him. Summer looks at the hand Seth is holding and tries to ht him again with her other hand, again Seth puts his up to stop her. they both look at each other frowning/angry and then all of a sudden their expressions change and they start kissing each other urgently. there is some mmm'ing from both of them and they fall onto Summers bed in each others arms. aww. Seth is on top of Summer) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Sadie is sitting on the floor against the couch working on her jewelry and Ryan comes in the door Sadie: (looks over) hi (looks down) (Ryan looks at Sadie then closes the door and walks over to her, as he does he pulls the toy car out of his pocket and then sets it down on the table. Sadie looks at the car) Ryan: my brother an I use'ta play with these when we were little (Sadie looks up at him) especially when my mum was drinking we'd...(sighs) go in the back bedroom an play cars an...pretend we didn't hear anything (Sadie puts her jewelry stuff down and looks back up at Ryan listening) (sighs, sits next to Sadie) he always use'ta tell me that he'd save up an buy us a Camaro one day we'd blow our town an never come back...wasn't gonna happen so one day he tried to steal one (Sadie looks at him, he looks at her) I was there...somehow that landed me here (raises eyebrows) an him in Vegas (looks at Sadie then away, shrugs) we don- we don't talk anymore (looks at Sadie) Sadie: (softly) an you didn't tell me because Ryan: I-I (raises eyebrows) I guess I'm...not use to unloading on people Sadie: ...too busy being loaded on I guess Ryan: I don't know (raises eyebrows) but I wanted to start over with you Sadie: you know I have many talents, one of them is listening, you jus gotta let me do it Ryan: (nods) deal Sadie: that's not to say we should just be talking (smiles) (Ryan looks at Sadie then slowly leans forward. Sadie closes her eyes, Ryan puts his hand on her cheek gently and they kiss) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer and Seth are under the covers in Summers bed and they both look um worn out could be the word,lol Summer: (breathing heavily) whoa Seth: (breathing heavily) yeah whoa Summer: (breathless) you know it's a good thing I put Princess Sparkle away for that Seth: to think it was that amazing an we didn't even get to the wheelbarrow (we now see them from above. they are both looking up at the ceiling with stunned expressions) Summer: you know we should make a pact (swallows) if we go away to college together we should like fight like everyday (smiles) Seth: I'm pretty sure I can make that happen (Summer laughs and looks over at Seth. Seth looks at her and then they both pull the covers over their heads. we hear Summer giggling and then we see the covers moving about and finally their feet sticking out of the end intertwined together, aww. we also see the Kama Sutra book lying cover/back cover up at the end of the bed) CUT TO: Johnny's house - we see Ryan lower Sadie onto the floor while they are still kissing this fades to a shirtless Ryan helping Sadie take her top off then we see shirtless Ryan lower Sadie back down onto the floor in just her bra and jeans. this fades to a close up of them kissing, then Ryan kisses Sadie's neck, then that changes to a close up of Sadie's bra/chest pressing against Ryan's bare chest. then we see Sadie with her hand on Ryan's back just above the waist of his jeans, she also has her leg wrapped around his and they are both still in jeans CUT TO: Julie's trailer - we see Marissa walk up onto the verandah and Volchok is sitting at the table smoking, it seems like he was almost waiting for her. Marissa walks straight passed him and into the trailer and she purposely leaves the door open. Volchok puts his smoke out, blows smoke out of his mouth and then goes inside and closes the door behind him. the next thing we see is Marissa and Volchok in each others arms urgently kissing. Volchok has his hand on Marissa's waist and Marissa has hers on the side of Volchok's face/neck, that sht quickly changes to Marissa helping Volchok off with his shirt then that changes to a shirtless Volchok pushing Marissa against the wall of the trailer and they are still kissing. that changes to Marissa taking her top off, then we see Marissa in just her wife beater and Volchok pushes her up against the counter while he helps her take it off, so now she is just in her bra. she runs her hands through his hair and they are kissing pretty intensely. Volchok has his hands on Marissa's waist and she has hers on his shoulders. Volchok runs his hands up Marissa's back then we see him with his head between her breasts, she still has her bra on. then we see a close up of Volchok with his head just under Marissa's shoulder and she has her hand on his head touching his hair, then we see Marissa looking a little out of it while Volchok kisses her arm, then we see a close up of Volchok kissing her bare stomach. then we see he has his hand on her back directly below her bra strap, then we see a sht of Volchok looking up towards the ceiling and Marissa with her hands through her own hair, then we see Volchok kissing Marissa's neck while she has her head back and finally the last sh*t we see is Marissa with her arm around Volchok's neck and her mouth is wide open with her eyes closed	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x18 - The Undertow"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - The Bait Shop - the first thing we see is random people dancing, drinking and having a good time then up on the balcony we see Summer and Seth standing together, they are both watching something Summer: he's leaning forward indicating all focus is on her (we see what or should I say who Summer is referring to, it's Sadie and Ryan sitting together and just as Summer said Ryan is leaning towards Sadie) Summer: see how her palms are facing up that means that she's open to what he's communicating, Star Magazine what stars body language is really saying Seth: well I've talkedto the guy an what Ryan is really saying is he an Sadie are just taking it slow (we see another sht of Ryan and Sadie. Sadie runs her hand down Ryan's arm and takes his hand in hers) Summer: oh no, bodies don't lie (Ryan kisses Sadie's hand) I'm sounding out a hot new couple alert (we see Ryan and Sadie stand up and head over to where Summer and Seth are, still holding hands) Summer: act like you know nothing (looks away) Seth: I don't (looks away) Ryan: hey so uh I think we're gonna head out Seth: alright we'll go with ya Ryan: nnn no its fine just uh stay here Sadie: ill get him home safe (smiles) Ryan: (wraps his arms around Sadie's waist as she walks in front) ah huh (Sadie laughs) Seth: (frowns) alright so there into each other Summer: you know what I'm actually happy for them Seth: an you don't feel weird about Marissa cause even id feel a little weird about Marissa for you Summer: no, id feel weird about Marissa if I saw Marissa Seth: I thought she was stayin at your house now that your parents are hookin up on the high seas Summer: (frowns) no she's ben sleeping at the trailer, this break up has ht her hard she said she needs timeto process her feelings an heal in solitude (all of a sudden Seth has a suprised/shocked expression on his face and we see why, Marissa is downstairs with Volchok's surfing buddies, one of them hands her beers) Seth: or party with two hundred sweaty teens Summer: what (looks down) (we see Marissa go over to Volchok and hand him a beer. Volchok puts his arm around Marissa's shoulder while Marissa drinks and then he kisses her on the side of the head, Marissa almost smiles. we see Seth and Summers shocked expressions and then we see Marissa and Volchok again, Volchok has his hand up the back of Marissa's top and they are kissing pretty intensely) Summer: oh my god (screws up face) ugh Seth: so if the body doesn't lie (squints) Summer: then it's saying eww (we see more of Marissa and Volchok kissing. Volchok has his hand on Marissa's backside) Seth: eww, or touch my pooper (Summer looks at Seth unamused) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Julie's trailer, next morning - the first thing we see is how messy it is, there are food and drink related items everywhere, dirty dishes, pizza boxes, half empty bottles of alcohol etc then the camera shows us that Volchok and Marissa are asleep on the couch together. Volchok is shirtless and Marissa is in her underwear, her head is in the crook of Volchok's arm, about the only semi sweet thing about the whole thing. at this point we hear a bang on the door and Summers voice Summer: (calls) Coop (bangs) it's me your best friend (Marissa and Volchok stir) you know the one that you tell everything to Volchok: (screws up face) damn my head Marissa: (sits up) whoa what time is it Summer: (bangs again) I know it's not big in there my voice travels (bangs repeatedly) (Marissa pushes Volchok's legs aside and sits on the edge of the couch, Volchok sits around) Marissa: um ok y-you gotta hide (Marissa takes a bong and a beer bottle from the table) Volchok: (scoffs) what, you live in a trailer Summer: (yells) Coop! (bangs repeatedly, getting frustrated) Marissa: (calls) I'm coming Sum (to Volchok) here take these (Marissa hands two beer bottles and the bong to Volchok, he holds them to his chest) Marissa: an-an this (hands Volchok two more alcohol bottles) go (Volchok, arms full of everything Marissa gave him slowly side steps towards the bedroom area) Summer: Coop (bangs) my hand doesn't remotely hurt (bangs repeatedly) (inside Marissa quickly throws Volchok's shirt on over her underwear) Summer: (calls) Coop! Marissa: (opens door) hey Summer: hi (looks at Marissa's shirt) lookin good Coop (Marissa looks down at herself) (frowns) look very Kate Moss pre Vanity Fair cover (Marissa looks at her) what'cha doin (pokes head inside) Marissa: uhhh you know nothin (raises eyebrows) Summer: hmm did you have a good time last night (goes inside) Marissa: yeah Summer: huh synopsis' really fring huh Marissa: I think I have a bit of a head cold Summer: well as long as you don't have any other infectious diseases (smiles at Marissa) (we hear Marissa's cell phone ring) Marissa: what (squints) Summer: (frowns) hm Marissa: hang on (Marissa goes over to the counter and picks up her phone, she looks at who is calling before she answers) Marissa: (sighs) hey (we see a very tropical looking Julie in a car, she even has a flower in her hair!) Julie: (with accent, cheery) hola Marissa, es su Madre >Marissa: hi mom (we hear Summers cell phone ring, she answers it) Summer: (frowns) hello (we see Neil also in a car) Neil: hey, how's my girl (we see Marissa and Summer both on their phones still) Summer: hi daddy (looks at Marissa) (we now see that Neil and Julie are in the car together, both on the phone to their daughters) Julie: so we're back from our trip Summer: did you guys have a good time Neil: it was wonderful, can you have dinner with us tonight Marissa: (frowns) uh fine, um what time Julie: don't sound so excited, uhh eight'ish Summer: yeah perfect, bye (hangs up) Marissa: ok, bye (hangs up) (Marissa and Summer look at each other) Summer: my dad Marissa: my mom Summer: dinner Marissa: eight Summer: why don't you go get dressed an ill drive youto school and um we can talk about that an other stuff Marissa: ok uh give me a minute (raises eyebrow, stands) Summer: I think your gonna need a little bit more than that (Marissa walks into the bedroom just as Volchok lights the bong she gave to him to hide) Volchok: mm come here (motions) its cherry Marissa: look you gotta go (we hear the sound of bubbles and then Volchok goes over and kisses Marissa for a few seconds, when they stop kissing Marissa coughs out smoke and then keeps coughing) Volchok: swig an bake baby, always cures a hangover (Marissa looks at Volchok in disbelief) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Seth is in there and Ryan comes in from outside, whistling Ryan: (claps hands together) hey, what's up man (touches Seth's shoulders) Seth: someone's in a chipper mood this morning Ryan: yeah well you know I had a really good time last night (looks at Seth) I like that place the uh the Bait Shop (nods, points) we should hang out there more often (Seth is now sitting at the end of the counter) Seth: (frowns) really Ryan: yeah wh- maybe uh maybe tonight, Sadie likes the DJ, she uh she kinda wantsto get me on the dance floor Seth: (shakes head) no Ryan: what your- your the one who's always telling meto loosen up you know, go out more Seth: tense, tightly wound, shut in that's all I want outta you, ok, its kind of a Boo Radley shape far away from the Bait Shop an all its unsavoury characters (Ryan drinks his coffee, Sandy comes in) Ryan: hey, Sandy (touches Sandy's shoulder) what's goin on Sandy: oh, good mood huh Ryan: yeah well (huge smile at Seth) Sandy: things must be workin out with this girl Seth: dad Ryan just smiled Sandy: well, she seems great (Ryan looks at Sandy, noticing he's a little distracted, and then looks at Seth. Seth shrugs and Ryan looks back at Sandy) Ryan: everything ok with you Sandy: yep, just work, not to worry Ryan: yeah, well uh listen fellas loveto chat gotta get overto Sadie's, got a few minutes before school but um (looks at Sandy) cheer up (looks at Seth) ok (claps hands) (Seth looks at Ryan like he's crazy. Kirsten comes in as Ryan leaves) Kirsten: hey handsome men (smiles) at the same time Sandy: where Seth: where Seth: (screws up face) uh I just made the same joke as my dad, that's a bad sign Sandy: your father happensto be hilarious its just harderto tell these days Kirsten: well then it's a good thing that we have a date tonight Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) what Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) romantic dinner by the water followed by an even (Sandy closes his eyes) more romantic walk on the beach followed by Seth: uh-hm nothing (Kirsten looks at him) (shakes head) followed by nothing you will walk an you will eat (Kirsten smiles) Sandy: oh gees I'm afraid I-I (looks at Kirsten) I can't even do that Kirsten: you're cancelling Sandy: postponing I...I wanna be in the right frame'a mindto eat an walk with you, I'm sorry Kirsten: something's wrong Sandy: (waves it off) it'll all be fine (Sandy kisses Kirsten's cheek and leaves. Seth looks at Kirsten and then down. Kirsten looks disappointed) Seth: so dads been workin alot lately huh (Kirsten looks at him then towards the doorway) well look ill be your date we haven't gotten a chanceto hang out in a while Kirsten: (suprised) wow, I thought you forgot you had a mother Seth: hey, lay off the guilt I said I'm in (shrugs) I just getto pick the movie (Kirsten looks at Seth touched. aww) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Ryan and Sadie are there together Sadie: so we're a couple thousand feet short of a Mc Mansion but hopefully someone'll take it Ryan: yeah well with that sales pitch who could resist Sadie: are you saying you find me irresistible (smiles) (Sadie is leaning up against the wall directly opposite the new breakfast bar. Ryan is standing in front of her with his hand above her head and they kiss. Ryan has his hand on her waist and she has her hand on the side of his neck/cheek, then Ryan moves his hand to the side of her neck and she moves hers to the side of his waist) Sadie: (pulls away) mm paint smell ? on the way over its romantic an all but um Ryan: yeah, plus I should (screws up face) probably getto school to (kisses Sadie) ok (starts to walk away) Sadie: (holds Ryan's arm and pulls him back) no no wait (laughs) Ryan: nooo Sadie: we could pick this up tonight (kisses Ryan) Ryan: mmm yeah I could give you a tour'a the pool house Sadie: yeah an we'll see if you can close the deal (looks at Ryan) Ryan: ah (looks at Sadie wide eyed and smiles) (Sadie laughs and they kiss twice more) Ryan: gotta go (Ryan leaves and Sadie watches him with a smile on her face) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Summer are in the student lounge playing a video game, Summer is actually playing at the moment and Seth is watching her Summer: you didn't mention a word to Ryan Seth: spoil his good mood, he practically skipped outta the kitchen Summer: Atwood skipping now there's a disturbing an odd visual Seth: picture this one, Ryan (squints) dancing, its what this woman doesto him an if we wanna keep the skip in his step we've gotta keep Volchok off his radar Summer: gah (referring to the game) you play (points) (Summer stands up and Seth sits down) Summer: Volchok is Atwood's kryptonite, he'll totally Hulk out (raises eyebrows) Seth: your mixing comic book metaphors but you think we can keep Marissa quiet Summer: Marissa, she can barely put her words together these days Seth: she's usually such a wordsmith Summer: what'does she see in that guy, he's so dirty and greasy (screws up face) Seth: he's got good abs (nods) women like abs (Summer goes over to get coffee) got a six pack myself I know Summer: oh Cohen those are your ribs Seth: oh, well listen lets just not tell anybody anything Summer: alright, heads down lips sealed, smooth sailing (Seth stands and goes over to Summer and then they start to leave) Seth: he's also got really defined triceps, I like that CUT TO: The Newport Group - Matt walks into Sandy's office and Sandy closes the door behind him. Matt sits down Sandy: I wanna get right to it (Matt sighs) I talkedto Griffin Matt: (looks at Sandy) your fring me Sandy: yes (looks at Matt) I'm fring you, I have no choice (Matt nods) it's for the good'a the hospital Matt: (scoffs) what kinda garbage excuse is that Sandy: the truthful kind Matt: yeah, when it's convenient for you (Sandy looks at him) (stands) you know every time that you need to do something that makes you feel bad (Sandy looks at him) your doin it for the hospital Sandy: it's either you...or the hospital, Griffin will not move forward unless you're gone Matt: (shakes head) you don't even see this happening, he's makin me the fall guy Sandy: there's no needto pedal on conspiracy theories here Matt (Matt looks away) you are no angel Matt: neither is Griffin, he's ben takin kickbacks from vendors for years (Sandy looks down) see I like ta know who I'm gettin inta business with Sandy: those are some bold accusations (raises eyebrows) Matt: I can back em up, an ill be happyto share everything I know about him...an you (Sandy looks at him) to whoever will listen (starts to leave) Sandy: (calls) thanks for the heads up (Matt looks) (nods) now I know I'm doin the right thing Matt: you think things'a ben complicated, you haven't seen anything yet (raises eyebrows) boss (Matt leaves, Sandy looks a little pissed off) CUT TO: Roberts' house, night - Marissa and Summer are sitting on the couch together with their arms folded almost defensively. Neil opens a bottle of champagne, we hear and see the pop Neil: oooh (Julie is standing near Neil with a champagne glass) Julie: a little champagne wont hurt you girls (looks at Marissa/Summer) it is a toast (smiles) Neil: yeah how often do we get engaged (smiles, quickly adds) don't answer that (Marissa and Summer look at each other) Summer: (suprised) engaged (stands) Marissa: you guys are engaged (sits forward) Summer: I'm so happy for you Neil: thankyou baby (Summer kisses him) Julie: really, you are Summer: yeah, I mean you may be Mrs. Cooper-Nichol-Cooper-Roberts but if (looks at Neil) you make my dad happy Neil: she does Julie: I do (smiles) Summer: then I'm happy (shrugs, hugs Julie) Julie: oh Neil: Marissa how bout some champagne Marissa: ...sure (Julie goes over to Marissa with the champagne in her hand, we hear Marissa's cell phone ring and we can see Summer drinking her champagne in the background) Julie: Marissa d'you have anything ta add (hopeful) Marissa: oh, one sec (takes out phone, answers) hey (Julie looks at her) yeah (looks around) you are...ok bye (Marissa hangs up and Julie hands her the glass of champagne. Marissa holds it up as if to say "cheers" and then proceeds to down the whole glass in one go. Julie watches her, frowning. Summer just has a "typical" expression on her face. Marissa swallows and clinks the now empty glass with Julies) Marissa: congrats (leaves) (Summer watches Marissa leave, after a few seconds Julie turns around to face Neil and Summer) Julie: will you excuse me for a moment (goes after Marissa) Summer: I...uh, me too (puts glass down) (the next thing we see is Marissa near the front door and Julie not far behind her) Julie: (calls) Marissa (Marissa doesn't react) where d'you think your going young lady (in the background we can see Summer watching) Marissa: I gotta go mom my friend called an he says he needs me Julie: I need you, I don't have'ta tell you how important this night is for our family Marissa: yeah well don't worry mom I'm not gonna screw up your golden ticket (Marissa leaves and Julie stands there shocked then sighs and closes her eyes. she turns around and sees Summer standing there, they look at each other awkwardly and then Summer goes after Marissa. Julie sighs and walks away from the door. outside Summer sees Marissa go over to Volchok who is standing beside his motorcycle, she kisses him and Summer screws up her face. Marissa looks up at Marissa and Summer looks at her worried. Marissa looks away and puts the helmet on as Volchok gets on the bike. Summer then watches as Volchok and Marissa ride off, Marissa is sitting on the back and holding Volchok around the waist. Summer shakes her head) CUT TO: Driving on the road - Kirsten is driving and Seth is in the passenger seat Kirsten: I don't know if I'm a fan of Yakuza films, it was an interesting movie (looks at Seth) but a fun night Seth: yeah, I would say anytime you getto watch a guy rip off his own armto continue fighting (Kirsten smiles) that's a really good night Kirsten: I just didn't understand the other fellow Seth: (looks at Kirsten) what the guy that produced the ball of energy from his chest an then destroyed the world, I think its (almost condescendingly) pretty self explanatory Kirsten: (smiles reminiscently) you remember when I took youto Fantasia (Seth looks at her) cause I do (looks at Seth) Seth: I'm sorry you didn't like the movie Kirsten: oh it was worth itto spend some time with you...I've missed you Seth: well you wanna do it again, you want a second date Kirsten: yeah (looks at Seth) but I getto pick the activity (we hear Seth's cell phone ring) Seth: sure Kirsten: tomorrow night (Seth nods) I have an idea already (smiles) Seth: (answers) hey (we see Summer out the front of her house on her cell phone) Summer: we have a major problem, Marissa just bailed on our parents engagement party (sits) ta skank out with the surf nzi (we see Kirsten pulling up out the front of the Cohen's house) Seth: your dad an Julie got engaged, you kinda buried the lead there Summer Kirsten: (looks at Seth) Julie an Dr. Roberts Summer: we got bigger fish here Cohen (frowns) Marissa is on a slut spiral an we needto stop her (Kirsten and Seth get out of the car) Seth: it's a little outta my league Summer: I know, we need Ryan, the code of silence (raises eyebrows) has been lifted Seth: ill talk to him, but he's ben in such a good mood CUT TO: The pool house - we see it firstly from outside looking in, it's very dimly lit and the shades are down. inside we see Ryan and Sadie on the bed making out, and candles are around them. Sadie is on top of Ryan Sadie: mm so this is the pool house (Ryan continues kissing Sadie as he rolls her over so he is now on top of her) Ryan: are you interested in making an offer (kisses Sadie's neck) Sadie: uh, it's a little small (kiss) but it's got great views (more kissing, Ryan puts his hand on Sadie's head and Sadie has hers on Ryan's shoulder. in the background we hear the door shake and then Seth's voice) Seth: what (bangs, knocks) locked, when did this door get a lock on it Ryan: (stops kissing, calls) little busy Seth (Ryan goes back to making out with Sadie) Seth: yeah you're not the only one, listen I don't wanna have'ta tell you this through the door but Marissa's ben hooking up with Volchok (at that moment Ryan and Sadie stop kissing but they still have their lips touching, like there's no movement from either of them. the next thing we see is Seth with his head near the door and it suddenly opens) Seth: (sees Ryan) oh hey (Ryan glares at him) (sees Sadie) oh hey...Sadie I didn't realise Sadie: yeah, good night Seth Ryan: night Sadie: call me ok Ryan: yeah (Sadie kisses Ryan on the cheek and leaves. Seth and Ryan watch her, Ryan doesn't look happy with Seth at all,lol) Seth: guess I ruined the mood huh Ryan: (mouths nah) just alot (Seth and Ryan nod) CUT TO: Harbor school, next morning - Ryan and Seth are in the halls together Ryan: you know when I put the locks on I thought I solved the problem Seth: you know me man, when I have important informationto disseminate nothing can stop me (Ryan nods) not walls, not locks Ryan: not women Seth: so what're you gonna do (Seth and Ryan are now in the student lounge) Ryan: well reschedule with Sadie an get backto her place Seth: no I meant about Marissa Ryan: what'do you mean what am I gonna do Seth: well, Summer seemsto think this Volchok guy is not exactly a beacon of morality Ryan: eh not my problem, not my girlfriend (nods) (they are now at the food and drinks area) Seth: no I know (waves it off) uhh two coffees (hands money over) Ryan: look man she makes her own choices (Seth looks at him) so do I, I choose Sadie's tonight (nods) Seth: so zen these days, its simultaneously inspiring an disconcerting Ryan: just feeling good man just feelin good (smiles and holds up coffee) Seth: cheers CUT TO: Julies trailer - Julie and Kirsten are there together packing up Julies things Kirsten: I can't believe you're getting married, again Julie: you make it seem like an everyday occurrence Kirsten: it almost is (looks at Julie) Julie: this time it's gonna stick, it just feels real, not everyone can have that Kirsten an Sandy relationship that bionic kevlar wrapped robo marriage that can withstand anything you throw at it (Kirsten seems like she doesn't agree with what Julie said, or it doesn't apply at the moment but she doesn't say anything. it's just a look she has) Kirsten: well you've seemed happier than I've seen you in a long time (smiles) Julie: (smiles) mm, Neil has mellowed me, no more manipulative bitch, no more scheming no more double crossing (Kirsten smiles) which will be a disappointment to some Kirsten: not for Dr. Roberts Julie: (thinks) you know we both just kinda found each other, right at the moment (raises eyebrows) when we really needed someone, there's no agenda Kirsten: he does have a palatial estate Julie: Kirsten, if he wantedto live together in this trailer, id do it (Kirsten looks at her) (screws up face) not that I'm offering (Julie goes out the door carrying a box. we hear whistling and she stops when she sees something. we see that it's Gus peeing near the trailer) Julie: real classy Gus Gus: (looks at Julie) its them big gulps, they go right through me (Julie raises an eyebrow) sneak up on me too Julie: that's a nice final image (closes eyes) Kirsten: (calls) what's going on (Kirsten comes to the door and Julie raises her eyebrows at her, Kirsten looks at Gus then closes her eyes and looks away quickly,lol) Kirsten: oh my god (Gus zips up and wipes his hands on his top) Gus: are you the new tenant (Kirsten looks at him) (holds out hand) niceto meet you Kirsten: (looks away) we really needto get you outta here (Kirsten and Julie put the boxes down on the table. Gus smells his hand and then wipes it on his top again. gross) CUT TO: Harbor school - we hear the bell ring and then see Ryan come out of a classroom, he stops when he sees something, its Marissa at her locker. Ryan watches her for a few seconds and then goes over Ryan: hi Marissa: (looks) hi, what's up Ryan: missed you in class Marissa: (shrugs) yeah there was traffic Ryan: we had that test today Marissa: (sighs, closes her eyes and scratches her head) that was today (Ryan looks at Marissa worriedly, Marissa drops a book and bends down to get it along with Ryan, as she does a flask falls out and Ryan grabs it. Marissa stands up and Ryan looks at her, he hands the flask to Marissa and she puts it in her bag) Marissa: thanks (raises eyebrow) gotta go (Marissa shuts her locker and walks off. Ryan looks worried) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Sandy and Henry are in Sandy's office together Henry: totally an completely untrue an if Matt ever triedto print that I will sue him for liable Sandy: he seemed pretty sure of himself Henry: if it wasn't for me your firm would be belly up right now which is why I don't (holds out hands) appreciate your accusing me Sandy: (looks at Henry) I'm not accusing anybody of anything, an forgive me for sayin Henry but...you seem a touch defensive Henry: (sighs) the only business that I am in is the business of helping people, I would like ta believe that we are partners in that Sandy: ...you give me your word (looks at Henry) ill give you the benefit of the doubt Henry: Sandy (stands) (Sandy stands) I didn't become a doctor ta get rich, you have my word (shakes Sandy's hand) CUT TO: Roberts' house - Julie opens the front door to let the moving guys out Julie: thankyou (hands them money) you did a wonderful job, thankyou (smiles, waves) bye (Julies closes the door behind them and looks around herself, almost surreally. she smiles and jumps up and down excitedly just as the housekeeper comes down the stairs. Julie makes a fist as if to say "yes" then spins around and does a little squeal. Julie stops and looks at the housekeeper who is staring at her) Julie: (smiles) hola Mima (Mima looks at her) es bueno (raises eyebrows) (Mima looks at her) vamanos por favor (smiles) Mima: I'm from the Philippines Julie: oh, well, then (Julie looks at Mima, Mima looks at her and then goes back upstairs) CUT TO: Harbor school - we see Marissa lying on the hood of Summers car with her eyes closed. Summer sees her and goes over. Marissa sits up Summer: wow Coop (Marissa looks) you make a really good hood ornament Marissa: (sighs) funny Summer: I know (Marissa takes out the flask and drinks) Summer: oh are you getting drunk Marissa: more like staying drunk Summer: (sarcastically, nods) oh good plan Marissa: I can't deal with this right now (moves to the edge of the hood) Summer: well your gonna have to, cause now Coop we're sisters Marissa: right which means your not (raises eyebrows) my mom Summer: (looks at Marissa) I know about Volchok (Marissa looks away) I saw you mauling him at the Bait shop an now your shacking up with him at the trailer park Marisa: wow, well aren't you a regular Veronica Mars, wayto solve this weeks mystery (looks away) Summer: what has gotten inta you, since I know who has Marissa: what'do you care, you have Seth an Ryan's got his new girlfriend Johnny's gone (looks at Summer) what difference (shrugs, raises eyebrows) does it make what I do, I'm not hurting anyone Summer: oh you're just the saddest girl in the whole world, you know grow up (Marissa looks away) get over yourself, take a shower (goes to the car) Marissa: fine (raises eyebrows) well why don't you take your little emo boyfriend drive off in your beemer an go hometo daddies (raises eyebrows) mansion Summer: oh yeah well why don't you go with Volchokto one of his heavy metal vomit parties (Marissa looks at her) an like (mockingly) listento heavy metal an like vomit (raises eyebrows) Marissa: wow, you're being so lame (walks away) Summer: (defensively) not as lame as you Marissa: fine (waves) bye Summer: later (Summer gets into her car and slams the door) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Sandy is in his office packing up to go home. he shuts his briefcase, turns off the desk lamp and then flicks the light switch near the door. as he starts heading out he hears a faint bang and then another one, he looks worried and then opens a door, Matt is inside Sandy: (looks at Matt) what're you doin Matt: I'm takin what's mine (puts files in a box) Sandy: you were suppose'ta turn over your key, your trespassing Matt: (holds up file) these are my personal files which your office (looks at Sandy) conveniently forgotto send, I'm takin em Sandy: no your not Matt: what're you gonna do, arrest me Sandy (Sandy looks at him) you gonna fight me, your actin like you got somethinto hide Sandy: you're acting like a child Matt: if you're so sure that I don't have a case then you shouldn't care if I leave with this box Sandy: (looks at Matt) are you thrat me Matt: (picks up box) doesn't seem like I have a choice (just before he walks out) game on Sandy (Sandy watches Matt leave in disbelief) CUT TO: The diner - Ryan and Sadie are there together Sadie: wow, this is so romantic (looks at Ryan) an original Ryan: yeah, well, what can I say I'm a creature of habit Sadie: (smiles) yes, yes the lure of the chili fry (laughs) (we see that Sadie and Ryan are sitting next to each other with a plate of chili fries sitting in front of them, Ryan laughs) Sadie: natural aphrodisiac Ryan: yeah well I think we'll be fine as long as Seth is nowhere nearby Sadie: Seth right, well good good um cause I have somethingto tell you (looks at Ryan) I have some good news Ryan: (raises eyebrows) yeah (looks at Sadie) (in the background we hear some surfy guys talking about Volchok Guy: believe Volchok missed the ? (Ryan looks over, Sadie looks at him) he's gonna be pi- Guy2: nah he won't care he's hangin with that (Sadie looks over) private school chick Marissa we see 4 guys sit in a booth together, one of them is the guy that told Marissa where she could find Volchok in 317 Guy: seems kinda lame (Sadie looks down uncomfortably) Guy2: yeah lame an hot (Ryan listens) Surfy guy: oh she aint innocent, Volchok show you the scratches on his back (makes claws and cat sound) the guys laugh and make comments. Ryan looks down) Sadie: look uh why don't we take thisto go Ryan: no no no its fine Sadie: let's just go, come on (starts to stand) Ryan: its, Sadie, its fine, Sadie (Sadie leaves and Ryan watches her - the next thing we see is Sadie coming out of the diner and Ryan following after her) Ryan: Sadie, Sadie (Sadie stops and looks at Ryan) Sadie: (sighs) I'm not mad, I jus feel like once again you know the mood was kinda ruined Ryan: alright well ok we can turn it around Sadie: (smiles) I think we're trying too hard (Ryan nods) maybe we needto let the perfect night just happen, ok, give it some time Ryan: alright, alright, fine (Sadie kisses him) well let me-let me at least drive you home Sadie: (squints) ok Ryan: just give me a second (Ryan turns and heads back over to the diner) Sadie: (calls) Ryan come on, don't go back (Ryan goes back into the diner) Surfy guy: hey look its little bitch Ryan: Volchok around Surfy guy: (sits up) why you lookin for your girlfriend Ryan: no actually I'm lookin for him, an if you see him tell him that (Surfy guy smiles at his buddies) anto meet me out at the pier tomorrow morning (leans down and looks Surfy guy in the eyes, almost intimidatingly) (Surfy guys smile goes) you think you can remember all that (Surfy guy looks at him) you need me ta write it down for you (Ryan and Surfy guy glare at each other) Guy: yeah bro, we'll tell him (Ryan leaves and slams the diner door) CUT TO: The pier, next morning. Ryan is sitting on a pylon underneath the pier waiting for Volchok Volchok: you know I just knew, I knew it was only a matter'a time until you got in my face again Ryan: I jus wanna talk Volchok: about what your new girlfriend (points to Ryan) or mine (touches his chest) cause you know I got stories about both of em Ryan: (gets down) bet you do Volchok: this where you tell me I better leave her alone that-that she's too good for me Ryan: whoever Marissa wantsto be with, it's not my placeto judge (Volchok looks at him) saw her at school (looks away) she didn't look so good (looks at Volchok) Volchok: that girl couldn't look bad if she tried Ryan: she was drinking you know she has a problem with that right Volchok: she drinks (shrugs) she gets drunk (shrugs) I don't see the problem Ryan: ...jus so you know I'm not lookin after her anymore...it's on you now (Volchok looks at him) treat her right, she deserves it (Ryan leaves and Volchok looks as though what Ryan just said ht him hard) CUT TO: Roberts' house - we see Marissa come out of a set of doors and then directly opposite Summer comes out of another set of doors, they stop when they see each other. Marissa scoffs and puts her sunglasses on, Summer glares at Marissa and puts hers on. they both sit down opposite each other at the table, it has all different foods laid out on it. Marissa puts her napkin on her lap as Summer pours herself a cup of tea or coffee, not sure which. Marissa holds her cup out to Summer and Summer looks at her then puts the teapot down. Marissa scoffs and puts the empty cup down. Summer then goes to reach for a piece of toast but before she can Marissa takes the whole plate,lol Marissa gives Summer a "ner ner" look as well. Summer grabs what looks like a croissant instead. Marissa picks up a piece of toast and a Knfe and then goes to grab the spread that's sitting in a glass jar, but unfortunately for her Summer gets in first,lol. she puts it down next to her plate and out of Marissa's reach then takes the lid off. a cheery Neil and Julie come over Julie: good morning ladies Neil: actually a great morning, second family first breakfast together (Neil has his hand around Julies shoulder, aww. Marissa and Summer both look annoyed as they put spreads on their toast/croissant) Julie: an tonight we're goingto have our first family dinner (looks at Marissa) something that hopefully (looks at Neil then Summer) will become a weekly tradition (Neil smiles and squeezes Julies shoulder. Summer looks at Marissa as she pulls apart her croissant) Neil: mm nothing like all sitting down together to a good meal (looks at Marissa) Julie: discussing current events, catching up on each others lives doesn't that sound fun (looks at Summer) Summer: tons of (looks at Marissa) I know Marissa has several events that she would loveto share with the family (Marissa looks at her) Neil: Summer maybe you can make that pineapple desert I like, you know the one with the graham crcker thing Marissa: (looks at Summer) ooooh I'm sure daddies little girl would love to (Marissa puts down her napkin and leaves the table) Summer: scuse me (leaves the table) (Marissa and Summer both head towards the side doors and they each open a door at the same time. after they go inside we can see Neil and Julie still standing at the table, watching) Julie: (smiles) sisters CUT TO: Johnny's house - Ryan comes in the door Ryan: (calls) Sadie (closes door) hey man I was lookin for Sadie (we see a guy standing over at the counter with a tape measure) Bob: hey, yeah she's in the shower...or was (Sadie comes out with wet hair) Sadie: Ryan Ryan: hi Sadie: did you meet Bob Ryan: hey Bob (nods, smiles, shakes Bobs hand) what's up Sadie: (hands Bob keys) garage door sticks a little Bob: cool Sadie: make yourself at home Bob: thankyou Ryan: see ya (Bob heads into another room and Sadie stays in the kitchen) Ryan: one bad date an I'm already replaced huh, alright alright (raises eyebrows) two bad dates Sadie: Bob, he just bought the house, he lives next door an he made a really great offer (looks at Ryan) that was my news last night if you would'a listened Ryan: I know, I'm sorry I was distracted Sadie: ...you wanna tell me what's up Ryan: sure um...it's Volchok an Marissa (Sadie nods) but its all good now, there was a conversation I neededto have I had it (looks at Sadie) I'm done Sadie: that's good, it's just...I think I'm done too (looks at Ryan) Ryan: what'do you mean Sadie: well my aunts business is handled, the house is sold (shrugs) theres kinda no reason for meto be here Ryan: (looks at Sadie) no reason Sadie: Ryan I never intendedto stay this long, I jus think it might be easier for meto leave if Ryan: if we didn't happen (Sadie nods) (looks away)...have you thought about this Sadie: (nods) yeah I have (looks at Ryan) have you Ryan: (nods)...yeah Sadie: I mean if I stayed id have'ta find an apartment, an then what...wait for youto finish high school, follow youto college Ryan: we're getting a little ahead of ourselves I mean (moves closer to Sadie) I don't know I honestly didn't think that much about the future I uh...was just hopinto take youto dinner (Sadie looks at him) you eat right (Sadie and Ryan smile at each other and then kiss) Sadie: (softly) you haven't thought about it because you're not readyto think about it (Ryan looks at her) which I totally get, but I can't change my whole lifeto be with someone who's distracted (Ryan looks away, raises eyebrows) (Sadie kisses Ryan and walks away, Ryan looks a little overwhelmed, poor guy) CUT TO: The pier - Ryan and Seth are at a taco stand thing together Seth: so that's it then, no more smiling no more skipping no more dancing Ryan: eh you were never a fan of the dancing Seth: I don't know, I might've come around now we'll never know Ryan: yeah, I can't just ask herto move here, change her whole life Seth: well, relocating ta Newport might not be that big'a deal Ryan: yeah, puts alotta pressure on us you know an on the relationship Seth: Ryan Atwood loves pressure, he's not comfortable unless his entire body is being squeezed in a vice grip (they take their taco shells over to the fillings stand) Ryan: (raises eyebrows) that is not true Seth: (looks at Ryan) yeah, you movedto Chinoto help a girl pregnant with a baby that might not even be yours Ryan: Theresa needed someone Seth: stayed with Marissa for several years of tortured trture Ryan: m she was there for me too Seth: but when it comes ta pursuing your own happiness (sits at the table, Ryan sits opposite) with a great girl who seemsto be relatively issue free (Seth leans forward as if he's waiting to hear something from Ryan) Ryan: (realises) I gotta ask herto stay Seth: yes you do Ryan: (raises eyebrows) alright (smiles) Seth: I saw that smile, smiler (nearby Sandy and Henry are having lunch together, its a little more fancier than the taco place Ryan and Seth are at,lol) Henry: I told you Sandy the kids just posturing he's tryin'a get a rise outta you Sandy: well Matt said he has documents, you know he said he could prove what he's saying Henry: (raises eyebrows, sighs) look Sandy, I apologise Sandy: (looks at Henry) now what are you saying Henry: I'm saying I've already let you shoulder too much of the responsibility (nods) on this situation (raises eyebrows) now ill handle it from here Sandy: well that sounds a little ominous, what're you gonna do Henry: you focus on the hospital there's alotta people counting on you an there's alotta workto be done, an you've done too much already (Sandy drinks) what was that you were saying about eighteen holes at Big Canyon (Sandy nods. Henry drinks) CUT TO: Summer bedroom - Summer opens the door to the bathroom and Marissa is already in there doing her make up. Marissa looks at her Summer: oh, you're wearing that to a family dinner (I don't see what's wrong with what Marissa is wearing. it's a nice top with a pair of jeans, maybe Summer means it's not fancy enough? I don't know) Marissa: who says I'm goingto dinner (Marissa puts what she is holding down and goes into her bedroom, which we can see is on the other side of the joint bathroom. Summer follows her) Summer: ok, Marissa, be mad at me if you want but it is our family (Marissa grabs a jacket off of her bed) Marissa: whatever, save me some dessert (Marissa leaves and Summer folds her arms, frustrated. she looks around Marissa's room. the bed is unmade and has clothes all over it, there are clothes hanging off of the bed, and boxes just sitting there that seem to have not been unpacked yet) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - we hear Seth's cell phone ring, he looks at who is calling and then answers it Seth: hey what's up (we now see Summer on her phone, still in Marissa's room) Summer: the slut is still spiraling I thought I told youto talk to Ryan Seth: (opens fridge) I did, I triedto activate his saviour complex (Kirsten comes in) but it seems he's been cured (looks at Kirsten) hey I gotta go I'm hanging with my mom Summer: (frowns) your hanging with your mom Seth: I know it seems a little weird but we're tryin somethin different so ill talk to you a little later Summer: fine Seth: ok bye (hangs up) Kirsten: all set Seth: yeah, where're we goin, cardio barre, yoga-laties Kirsten: (smiles, touches Seth's back) something new CUT TO: Roberts' house - we see Julie sitting at the outside table, she looks at her watch, then we see Neil sigh and then Summer sitting there with her arms folded. the one missing from the family dinner is Marissa of course Neil: let's give Marissa a couple'a more minutes shall we Julie: actually I think we should just get started Summer: personally I'm starving, why don't we just dig in an bond (Julie looks a little disappointed) what were we gonna do at this dinner discuss current events, I think we live in a very fascinating time (looks at Julie) Julie: riveting (Summer nods) Neil: Julie why don't you ring her on her cell, see where she is Julie: I did call, several times Neil: well I'm just a little concerned you know she never missed dinner when she was staying here last semester Julie: (matter of factly) that's because I wasn't here (Neil looks at Julie. Summer looks from Neil to Julie) Julie: Neil Marissa an I haven't always had the greatest- Summer: (quickly jumps in) luck (Julie looks at her) but you've always stood by each other through...hard times (looks at Neil) isn't that great dad Neil: (smiles, looks at Julie) yes, it is, you Cooper girls are really something (smiles) Julie: thankyou Neil (looks at Summer) and thankyou... Summer (Summer smiles and looks down) will you pass the potatoes please (smiles) CUT TO: The beach - Marissa and Volchok are sitting by a fre together. Marissa is staring at the fre and Volchok looks at her Volchok: I thought you an your mom fought all the time Marissa: (raises eyebrows) its not my mom (swallows) its Summer (thinks) you know the only other time we really fought was in the fifth grade, when I sat on the back'a the bus (looks at Volchok) with Luke on the wayto the museum of tolerance Volchok: who's Luke Marissa: (smiles) Summer an Luke were engaged, in the second grade (Volchok smiles) she doesn't liketo talk about it (looks at Volchok) why all the questions, all of the sudden Volchok: what'do you mean Marissa: you just seem very interested in my life Volchok: I just um, we're hangin out seems like Marissa: (smiles) what Volchok: umm (looks at Marissa) you deserveto be treated right Marissa: (looks away then at Volchok) if I wantedto be treated right (shakes head) I wouldn't be with you (Marissa leans forward and kisses Volchok) Volchok: works for me (smiles) (Marissa nods) (holds out cocaine vial) d'you want'a bump Marissa: (looks at Volchok then down then back at him) I don't I- (closes eyes) I mean...I've never (looks at Volchok) Volchok: there's a first time for everything (Marissa nods and looks down, not interested. Volchok closes his hand) Volchok: guess I'm partyin solo (Marissa looks almost uncomfortable) CUT TO: Kirsten and Seth - we see Seth walk into a room and look around, there are older people talking to each other, we don't know where they are yet but most viewers had a pretty good idea Seth: ok what is this place Kirsten: you'll see (Seth looks around, not quite sure what to make of it. the next thing we see is Kirsten over at a table getting herself a cup of coffee) Seth: (frowns) a crappy rec. center basement, bad coffee, I don't think your in a weight watchers so (Kirsten looks at him) either your the lead in a community theatre group or have converted to an extremely under funded religion (at the front of the room a woman starts talking) Ellen: hi, I'm Ellen (Seth/Kirsten look) an I'm an alcoholic Kirsten: (smiles) hi Ellen Everyone: hi Ellen (Seth looks at Kirsten with a "you've got to be kidding me" expression, Kirsten looks at him) Ellen: we will begin this evening with our reading of chapter five (Seth looks at Kirsten and starts to leave, Kirsten puts her coffee down and goes after him) Kirsten: Seth (Seth stops near the door) I thought if you knew you wouldn't of come (folds arms) Seth: (softly) well good instinct, like goin through this the first time wasn't painful enough Kirsten: this place has saved my family my marriage quite possibly my life, these people know more about me than my own family Seth: well who's fault is that it's not like you ever talk about what happened Kirsten: (looks at Seth) it's not like you ever ask (Seth looks at her) an if this is how you act when I share it with you- Seth: there's sharing an then there's lying (wide eyed) Kirsten: well we're here, an I'm not leaving so you can wait in the car or you can do this for me (Seth looks at her) (pleadingly) just give me an hour...it's important that you be here tonight Seth: (sighs) is anyone gonna rip off their own armto keep fighting Kirsten: metaphorically speaking yeah (half smiles) (Seth raises an eyebrow, shrugs and heads back in. Kirsten smiles, touched and follows him) CUT TO: Matt's apartment - Matt comes in the door and turns the light on, he closes the door behind and looks through his mail. we see a close up of his phone/answering machine which reads 2. Matt pushes a button and we hear the first message Msg: Mitchell: Matt this is Mitchell Kibbin from the register, I've got your message an I'm very interested in talking about the Griffin story, you got the number (beep) Sandy: hey Matt its Sandy, we needto talk, will you call me back as soon as you can (beep) Matt puts the mail and his keys down and we hear a knock at the door. as soon as he opens the door a large guy rams him up against the wall by the neck, smashing a light display in the process. three more guys walk in after him. Matt is clearly scared Matt: look I-its cool you guys take whatever you want I don't care Guy: this isn't a robbery (the guy holding Matt punches him in the stomach while the other guys trash Matt's apartment. we see one of the guys smash glasses and bottles on the table, then another guy tips over a stool thing, then the coffee table is turned over as well. one of the guys holds Matt from behind while another guy punches him. then we see a guy pull down the shelves near the TV and then the same guy smashes the TV with a long thing which makes a loud bang/flash of ligh, then he tips the TV forward and it sparks again. Matt gets punched again, hard in the face) CUT TO: Johnny's house - we hear a knock and then see Ryan standing outside the door with a bunch of flowers, he knocks again and Bob from earlier answers the door Bob: hey Ryan: hey...is uh Sadie around Bob: uh no actually she uh (points) Ryan: you mind if I come in an wait (raises eyebrows) Bob: well I mean it might be a while (nods) you just missed her (Ryan looks at him) she left for Oregon a couple hours ago (Ryan looks at him stunned) I'm sorry (Bob closes the door. Ryan turns away from the door and drops the flowers on the ground. he looks at them and then leaves) CUT TO: The beach - we see a sht of the lifeguard tower and then we see Marissa heading towards it, she looks up and stops suddenly Marissa: hey (we see that Ryan is standing near the left side, he turns and looks at Marissa) Ryan: hi (Marissa walks onto the ramp) Marissa: (suprised) what're you doing here Ryan: sorry I figured you were spending your time under the pier these days (Marissa scoffs, raises her eyebrows and looks down. Ryan looks down) Ryan: uh (looks at Marissa) I can go Marissa: no its fine I'm-I'm not gonna stay (Marissa looks at Ryan, Ryan nods) Marissa: where's Sadie (squints) Ryan: gone, back ta Oregon (Marissa looks at him) went overto see her she'd already left Marissa: (shocked) without saying goodbye Ryan: guess she thought it was easier this way (blinks) Marissa: ...and is it (Ryan scoffs and looks down, Marissa scoffs and closes her eyes) Marissa: you know, you don't have'ta answer that (turns away) I'm gonna go (Ryan looks at her) but um...enjoy then (waves arms in a circle) (Marissa leaves. Ryan watches her for a few seconds) Ryan: ill leave it as I found it (Marissa looks back at Ryan, Ryan has turned away from the ocean so we can see his back. we see Marissa one last time and it appears she's thinking about something) CUT TO: The AA meeting - there is an old guy up in front of everybody talking, everyone is listening to him George: id pissed in the streets, eaten out of garbage and accidentally sht my wife, not once (holds up finger) but twice, thankyou very much (everyone claps) Seth: (whispers to Kirsten) that's a heart warming tale Kirsten: (whispers to Seth) he's been sober thirty years (George goes and sits down and Ellen stands in front of everyone) Ellen: thankyou for that George, before we leave we have a couple of chipsto hand out, Kirsten if you'd liketo join me (Seth looks at Kirsten, Kirsten smiles and goes to the front as everyone claps for her. Ellen hands Kirsten the chip) Ellen: congratulations (hugs Kirsten) your nine months sober Kirsten: (nods) oh thankyou (Seth watches) all of you and uh especially my son Seth whose here with me tonight (smiles) Everyone: (looks at Seth) hi Seth Seth: (smiles uncomfortably) hey Kirsten: he doesn't know this but...he's the reason that I got sober (Seth listens) (getting teary) the look on his face at my intervention...he was so disappointed in me (Seth looks down)...but he believed that I could do this (raises eyebrows) an he was right (smiles) (Seth looks at her and starts to smile) (Kirsten looks down and then goes back to her seat as everyone claps her, including Seth!) Seth: congratulations mom (Seth gives Kirsten a big hug, aww. Seth rubs her back and Kirsten closes her eyes, aww) Seth: only twenty nine years an three months moreto go until you're as normal as ? Burrows over there (nods) (Kirsten smiles lovingly at Seth then we see George whose sound asleep) CUT TO: The bus station - we see Sadie drinking a cup of coffee near the vending machine and then she walks back over to her seat, she smiles at something Sadie: never expected ta see you here (we see that Marissa! is standing there. she goes over to Sadie) Marissa: yeah well I'm just glad I found you, apparently there's alotta waysto leave (Sadie sits) Newport bus, plane, boat Sadie: greyhound, way ta hedge (raises eyebrows) your bets Marissa: I'm just glad your still here Sadie: (looks at Marissa) why Marissa: because (shrugs) I don't think you should leave (Sadie looks down and drinks) Ryan (raises eyebrows) really cares about you Sadie: ...(looks at Marissa) he told you that Marissa: (shrugs) well I mean he didn't have to after everything we've been through (raises eyebrows) I think I know him pretty well Announcer: bus number four six fiveto Portland... Sadie: (grabs bags) yeah well this is my bus so Marissa: he wants you ta stay Sadie: (stands) he didn't tryto stop me Marissa: yeah he did, he was just a couple'a minutes too late Sadie: (looks at Marissa) why're you doing this Marissa: (raises eyebrows)...(shrugs) well I guess because you make Ryan happy (Sadie looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at her and we hear the announcement again) Announcer: bus number four six fiveto Portland Oregon is now boarding (Sadie looks towards the bus and then looks away) CUT TO: Roberts' house - Julie is sitting on the couch looking worried and Neil hands her a glass of wine, she smiles and Neil sits down next to her Julie: Neil dinner was amazing Neil: yeah, Marissa's gonna be sorry she missed it Julie: well we have years of family dinners ahead of us (rests her head on Neil's shoulder) Neil: Julie you know this engagement is a trial, right Julie: (shocked) what Neil: a trial...for you, me...us together (Julie looks at him) for the girls (Summer listens in the background) I mean if our families aren't a good fit then we really (Summer folds her arms) shouldn't get married Julie: (thrown)...of course, I mean...love doesn't really conquer all Neil: no an we both have the broken marriagesto prove that Julie: (sits forward) but Neil surely this time Neil: (sits forward) sweetheart I don't mean that in a punitive way I'm just tryingto be practical (Neil and Julie look at each other, Summer looks disappointed) Neil: I've got some reading to do (kisses Julies cheek) ill see you in a minute (Neil leaves and Julie looks completely thrown) Neil: (to Summer) hey baby Summer: oh (touches Neil's hand) goodnight dad Neil: goodnight (Summer looks at Julie, Julie looks at her) Summer: (frowns) I couldn't help overhearing...what my dad just said (shrugs) but don't worry cause he always gets this way as soon as he startsto get close ta someone (smiles) Julie: ...actually Summer the only thing I'm worried about is my daughter Summer: ...yeah me too (looks down) (Julie nods) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - we see random people dancing and having a good time and then we see Marissa by herself, she goes over to the bar. the bartender goes over to her Marissa: hey vodka on the rocks please Bartender: you got ID Marissa: look I drink here all'a the time Bartender: (nods) yeah when Volchok's guys are buyin Marissa: (looks at the Bartender) cant you just make an exception this one time, I use'ta date the manager Bartender: sorry Marissa: ...look I'm having a bad night an I really need a drink Bartender: you an me both (walks away) (Marissa sighs, frustrated and leaves) CUT TO: Matt's apartment - Sandy walks towards the half open door and sees a glimpse of how trashed the apartment is. we can see things smashed on the stove Sandy: (calls) Matt (Sandy pushes the door open and we see more, there is overturned furniture, broken glass etc. Sandy looks worried) Sandy: oh my god (Sandy walks in and we hear broken glass crunching under his feet, he sees a bloody and bruised Matt sitting up against the kitchen bench with his hand on his head and his eyes closed. aww. Matt looks up at Sandy) Sandy: (stunned) what happened Matt: (scoffs) like you don't know (Sandy looks at him and Matt looks away. we can see blood on his lip and nose and there are bruises on his cheeks and around his eyes, poor guy) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan comes in and just as he's about to close the door he stops suddenly. we see what he is seeing which is none other than Sadie sitting on his bed with her bag next to her. Ryan closes the door and looks at her, Sadie looks at him Ryan: what're you doing here Sadie: you tell me (Ryan looks away and puts his keys down, purposely avoiding eye contact with her. Sadie looks at him and then after a few seconds sighs and grabs her bags) Sadie: there's another bus in an hour (as Sadie walks passed Ryan he grabs her arm, looks into her eyes and then kisses her urgently, we hear Sadie drop her bags,lol) Ryan: (breathing heavily) what'do I have'ta doto get youto stay Sadie: (kisses Ryan more) I think you're doing it (Ryan and Sadie continuing kissing for a few seconds and then he lowers her onto the bed so that he's on top of her. Sadie has her hand on Ryan's cheek/neck and Ryan has his under her back. we see a close up of Ryan kissing Sadie's neck) CUT TO: The beach - we see Marissa walking by herself, she stops when she sees Volchok sitting with 4 of his buddies by the fre. Marissa looks at them and then heads over Volchok: gladto see you came back, wasn't sure if I should uh Marissa: no more talking (Marissa sits down and takes the cocaine vial out of Volchok's jacket. Volchok touches her hand) Volchok: here let me help you with that (Marissa looks at Volchok then down then back at him, she looks a little scared. Volchok looks at her and then down, Marissa looks down as well and we see a close up of Volchok unscrewing the vial and then putting the stick spoon thing inside (sorry don't know the pc term,lol). Marissa watches as he pulls it out and holds it up to her. Volchok looks at her, Marissa looks at him and then down at the cocaine, she looks back at Volchok for a split second and it seems as though she's hesitant, she looks down then at Volchok again and then finally leans forward. Volchok smiles, the next thing we see is Marissa bring her head back up and hold her nose, we also hear a sniff. Marissa frowns and rubs the outside of her nose, Volchok looks at her almost proudly. Marissa frowns at him and rubs underneath her nose, she looks as though she's about to cry, aww) - Fade out	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x19 - The Secrets and Lies"}	foreverdreaming
Opening scene - Seth's bedroom - Summer and Seth are in there together. Summer is wearing a winter parka, and pulls another one out of a box Summer: (calls) Cohen come out I wanna see Seth: alright (Seth comes out wearing red longjohns, he doesn't look happy about it either,lol) Seth: (frowns) I feel like Paul Kettle Summer: (looks Seth up and down) not bad (smiles, holds out parka) try this on Seth: (raises eyebrows) oh wow you got us matching parkas Summer: mm-hmm (turns back to the box) an matching hats an matching scarves, we're gonna be the warmest most coordinated couple at Brown Seth: yeah, you think your jumpin the gn a little bit we wont get our acceptance letters till tomorrow Summer: oh please with your dorked out grades an my NASA level SAT's we are so getting in Seth: its Brown (holds out hands) everyone's got good grades an SAT's its very possible that neither of us could get in or that one of us could Summer: uh-huh, an which one of us would that be Cohen Seth: it's just as likely you'll get in an I wont Summer: (turns around) an you really believe that Seth: yeah, an then where would you be (Summer looks at him) be stuck in Providence with one half of a his an hers parka set Summer: (screws up face) yeah like id go if you didn't Seth: what (looks at Summer) Summer: Cohen, duh, I applied ta Brown so that we could be together I'm not going without you Seth: ...Summer Browns one of the top universities in the world people dream about going there Summer: no, you dream about going there (moves closer) I dream about being with the one I love (Seth looks down, Summer lifts the hood of Seth's parka onto his head and brushes the fluffy edging. Seth sniffs) Summer: aww even all padded up you still look so scrawny (frowns) Seth: I'm gonna go get some water I'm sweating so much I'm getting dehydrated (Seth heads towards the door and Summer kind of waves it off and goes back to her box) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan and Sadie are on Ryan's bed making out pretty intensely. Ryan is on top of Sadie and he pulls her leg to his, we're seeing this from behind and then we see a close up of their faces Sadie: I thought you were making me dinner Ryan: an I did Sadie: yeah Ryan: mm-hmm (kisses) Sadie: (shakes head) you didn't let me eat it (smiles) Ryan: well no ones stopping you Sadie: (kisses) really Ryan: mm (kisses) Sadie: ok (sits up) well in that case Ryan: no ooo (gently pushes Sadie back down) no (kisses) Sadie: what Ryan: mm (Ryan stops kissing Sadie and lies next to her) Ryan: so with the ninety day escrow (thinks) that means you'll be in town foooooor Sadie: ninety more days Einstein (smiles) Ryan: right (Sadie laughs) that makes sense Sadie: (rubs Ryan's chest) until you get accepted to whatever college you applied to Ryan: yeah (sits up) (Sadie sits up slowly) Sadie: ok, should I not have mentioned it (looks at Ryan) Ryan: no no its fine (looks at Sadie) your right Sadie: your letter should be arriving like tomorrow right Ryan: yeah Sadie: I'm sorry but I've found ignoring the future never makes it go away Ryan: (nods) well whatever happens we'll make it work (kisses Sadie) (frowns) umm we should eat before the burgers get cold ill-ill grab some water (Ryan leaves and Sadie watches him - the next thing we see is Ryan coming into the kitchen from outside. he sighs and we see the back of Seth standing at the fridge with the door open) Ryan: hi Seth: hey, you want a water Ryan: sure (Seth takes 2 bottled waters out of the fridge and hands one to Ryan) Seth: I was jus (points) coolin myself off (Ryan nods, drinks) all this time I thought gettin inta college...would make everything so much easier (drinks) Ryan: yeah (looks at Seth) not gonna happen Seth: (looks at Ryan, swallows, frowns) there's a cold front comin through (Seth looks away and pulls the fluffy edging down over his eyes. Ryan looks away as well) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Roberts' backyard - Summer is sitting at the table for breakfast and Marissa comes over and sits down, she has a bowl of dry cereal Marissa: pass the milk (Summer holds up a small jug of something white) Marissa: that's cream, I said milk (looks at Summer) (Summer puts the jug of cream down and hands Marissa a taller jug with milk in it) Summer: eating breakfast are we (Marissa pours milk over her cereal) does this mean we're actually going to school today or d'you (frowns) just need the extra strength for all the small children you an Volchok plan to mug (raises eyebrows) Marissa: (fake laughs) hahaha (looks down) (Julie comes out) Julie: big day girls, college letters arriving, are you excited (smiles) Marissa: yeah, delirious Julie: (sits) don't be nervous Marissa your getting inta Berkeley (looks at Marissa) I feel it in my bones Marissa: (stands) I gotta get ta school Julie: oh Marissa, your friend who dropped you off last night (Marissa looks at her) his motorcycle kind of woke up Neil you might want to apologise Marissa: why, incase Dr. Roberts changes his mind (raises eyebrows) about marrying into our trailer park family (thinks) that's not really my problem (leaves) Julie: Marissa, well she's really outdone herself again (Summer looks down) listen Summer how worried do I need to be about her Summer: ...I don't know (looks at Julie) she's not exactly confiding in me right now (Summer and Julie look at each other. Neil comes out) Neil: morning everybody Summer: hi dad Neil: hey sweetheart, feelin lucky (kisses Summers head) Summer: um yes (closes eyes) my aura is green Neil: oh that has'ta be good, where's Marissa Julie: she- Summer: (looks at Julie) went ta school early (looks at Neil) cause she's nervous with all the college letters an stuff Neil: oh Berkeley would be lucky ta have her (Julie smiles) an just think it's just a short motorcycle ride away (Julie raises her eyebrows at Neil. Summer looks at Julie while eating, Julie raises her eyebrows again) CUT TO: Henry Griffin's tennis court - we see Henry hitting tennis balls from an atmatic ball server thing. he hits three over the net and then Sandy walks over Sandy: wow that's a hell of a forehand, imagine that connecting with somebody's head Henry: hey Sandy I didn't know you were comin by (holds out hand) Sandy: (points) yeah the gate was unlocked, you should be more conscious'a security Henry: well I'm assuming these are somewhat subtle references to what happened to Matt, hope he's ok Sandy: listen lets just skip to the part where you tell me you had (shakes head) nothin to do with it Henry: is he implying that I did Sandy: Matt hasn't said anything, this is me talking, I want this hospital built more than anything...but if you haven't resigned within forty eight hours (Henry looks at him) I'm gonna do everything in my power to take you down (Henry looks away then down) an I was lying (looks at Henry) your forehand sucks (Sandy leaves and Henry watches him before turning away) CUT TO: Harbor school - in the student lounge a banner is being put up as Taylor looks on. the banner is maroon and black with a picture of a sweatshirt in the middle, the word SWEATSHIRT is in solid yellow with white edging, and then in the right corner is BONFIRE in black with yellow edging. at the top on the right is SCHOOL in a yellowy orange Taylor: I-I- I don't know about that, that just doesn't look right to me (Seth, Summer & Ryan walk up the stairs near where Taylor is) Taylor: (notices) oh you guys, I'm so glad to see you (Seth waves) Summer: oh, hey what's up Taylor: have you spoken to Marissa lately Summer: well if you count pass the milk an don't be so skanky (Ryan and Seth look from Summer to Taylor) Taylor: well I need to talk to her about the college sweatshirt bonfire, oh, you guys are coming right Seth: (Ryan looks at him) is that the thing where all the seniors wear the sweatshirts (Taylor nods) of the colleges there going to, cause that always struck me as incredibly lame Taylor: oh an I need your help passing out these fliers (hands fliers to Summer) Ryan: I gotta get to class (leaves) Seth: I gotta too (follows Ryan) (Summer looks at Seth and Ryan, poor thing) Summer: w- (sighs) Taylor: I know you guys are just making an excuse (holds Summers wrist so she cant follow) to get away from me, its ok it's cute (waves it off) anyway about Marissa Summer: yeah, I wouldn't count on her Taylor: (scoffs) well that's great she's suppose'ta get the food for the party, this is so typical (Summer raises her eyebrows) you know people join social committee they think its all fun an games (takes out cell phone) then who ends up doing the work when someone (dials) decides to go all Last Exit To Brooklyn, hm (looks at Summer) Taylor that's who Summer: no, I think she's just going through something right now Taylor: Seung Ho its Taylor, hi listen how much (while Taylor is talking on the phone Summer looks over and notices Marissa come in. Marissa looks at Summer then looks away. Summer does the same) Taylor: Kimchi can you get me by tomorrow night (leaves and takes Summer with her) you are saving my ass Seung Ho you are really saving my ass (Marissa's cell rings and she looks at who is calling then answers) Marissa: hey, I'm glad you called (we now see Volchok at what I assume is where he lives, its like a loft) Volchok: that's the first time anyone's ever said that (smiles) what's up Marissa: nothing, well college letters are arriving today an my moms been pressuring me about it...an Summer an I are fighting (sighs) so I guess maybe everything Volchok: well um (sits on the couch) some'a the guys are gonna party on the beach tonight, maybe you should come y'know, take the edge off Marissa: (smiles) can you pick me up Volchok: yeah ill be there in a half hour (hangs up) (Marissa hangs up, she raises her eyebrows and looks almost happy!) CUT TO: Johnny's house - we hear a knock and then Ryan walks in. Sadie is folding bath towels on the floor Sadie: hey you Ryan: hey, thought id stop by Sadie: well I'm flattered (smiles) taking time outta your busy day to come see me when you have a very important (Ryan sits) letter waiting for you at home Ryan: (leans forward) can I say I couldn't help myself (kisses Sadie) Sadie: ah-huh (kisses) you know I could probably tell you if you got in Ryan: yeah (raises eyebrows, nods) Sadie: I could, I never mentioned I could read palms Ryan: no, must've slipped your mind (smiles) Sadie: must have (Sadie takes Ryan's hand and sits down next to him on the couch, we see a close up of her running her fingers gently over Ryan's palm) Sadie: well (looks at Ryan) your gonna be rich Ryan: well that's nice to know Sadie: (looks) oh whoops sorry, I read it upside down so flip that Ryan: well, easy come (smiles) Sadie: this is important, it's warning against (looks at Ryan) dark haired beauties who walk into your life Ryan: (raises his eyebrows, looks down) really, what'does it say Sadie: says if your not very very careful (looks at Ryan) they'll steal your heart (Ryan smiles a huge smile at Sadie and then they kiss. Ryan puts the folded towels on the floor and moves closer to Sadie) Ryan: an in all that there's-there's nothin about college Sadie: yeah yeah, you got in (nods) (Ryan has a wide eyed expression and then he closes his eyes as they continue kissing) CUT TO: Roberts' house - Volchok and Marissa ride up on his motorcycle. Marissa gets off and Volchok takes his helmet off, Marissa hands her helmet to Volchok Marissa: alright I just need to grab a jacket Volchok: um, any chance you could get some beer money, I'm a little short Marissa: sure, ill be right back (the next thing we see is Marissa coming down the stairs as she puts her jacket on. she un-tucks her hair from the jacket and goes over to Julies purse sitting on the side. she looks around and then unzips the purse and pulls out a wad of cash. Marissa shoves the money down the side of one of her boots and then zips Julies purse back up, as she does she notices the envelope from Berkeley. she picks it up and looks at it for a few seconds before turning it over and opening it. she pulls out the contents and starts reading, we see a close up of the letter, the parts we can see read Dear Marissa, Congratulations on your acc Of California, Berkeley. Ther Berkeley, anywhere, and you h are now challenged with makin of selecting which major cour pursue. We know that this can we then see Marissa's reaction to the news of her acceptance! she raises her eyebrows and looks pleasantly suprised and slightly relieved. she looks down at the letter for a few seconds and then looks up then back down almost as if she cant believe it, all of a sudden her happiness/confidence disappears and she throws everything in the trash, aww we then hear the door open and close as she leaves CUT TO: Cohen house - the angle of the sht is inside their letter box looking out, we see as Seth opens the door and looks inside, he pulls out the stack of mail and then closes the door. the next thing we see is him come back into the house. he takes off the elastic band and then lifts up Ryan's Berkeley letter and puts it to the bottom of the stack, he looks down at his Brown letter which is now at the top CUT TO: Roberts' house - Summer picks up her Brown envelope and looks at it and then turns it over and opens it. we see a shocked expression from Summer then part of what the letter says like before with Marissa. it reads Dear Summer, I hope you are as pleased to receive this admitted to the 243rd class to enter The Admission has selected from nearly 18, members of the class of 2010, will give class ever. You will be one of 1,440 fre remarkable diversity of strengths and in we believe you can contribute to our ac from the wonderful opportunities that d we then see Summers reaction, she makes a fist and sort of bounces excitedly on the spot Summer: oh my god (laughs, smiles) CUT TO: Cohen house - Ryan comes in the door and grabs the Berkeley envelope from the side. he rips it open and pulls the letter out, we see what it says. it's identical to Marissa's except for Dear Ryan, Ryan: oh my god (smiles) (we then see Seth with his Brown envelope. he sits on his bed and opens the envelope, he starts reading the letter. we then see a close up of part of it, and it reads ission has completed it it is with real regret that ong our acceptances. T sible for the decision as the camera zooms in to emphasise the words real regret. we then see Seth's stunned expression) Seth: oh my god (Seth looks up - downstairs Summer comes in the front door) Summer: (calls) hello (Ryan is in the kitchen with the Berkeley letter) Ryan: (calls) Summer (Summer rushes in excitedly with a smile on her face) Ryan: hey Summer: I got in! (huge smile) Ryan: what! yeeeaaahhh, alright (Ryan excitedly picks Summer up in a hug and spins her around, aww) Ryan: ah congratulations, that's amazing Summer: thanks, did you Ryan: yeah (nods) Summer: really (claps) Ryan: yes Summer: oh congratulations! Ryan: thankyou Summer: where's Cohen Ryan: uhhh I I don't- (Seth comes down the stairs) Seth: hey Ryan: hey Seth: so you guys both got in Ryan: yeah, you (Seth looks from Ryan to Summer) Summer: (worried) oh my god (Ryan looks at Summer, Summer looks at Ryan then Seth) Seth: ...pack your muffler (smiles) we're goin to Brown (a relieved Summer hugs Seth) Ryan: yeah Summer: oooooohhh Seth: (kisses Summers head) mwa Ryan: oh man (touches Seth's shoulder) Seth: yeah yeah that's awesome dude (shakes Seth's hand) Seth: (to Ryan) an I'm proud'a you Summer: sooo happy Ryan: hey hey hey (Ryan hugs Seth and Summer so its a group hug, aww. we see a close up Seth's worried face) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom, next morning - Seth is on the phone in his robe and PJ's, he's pacing while talking Seth: hello, hi, I've been on hold since five in the morning so I- here's my question, is there some sort of possibility that a mistake was made cause I mean mistakes can happen (scratches head) right even at Brown (later) no no I'm not tryin'a be sarcastic at all, let me ask you this is there some sort of appeals process or um (later) next year (raises eyebrows, laughs) lady my girlfriend is is is is g- hello (Seth rubs his neck and hangs up, then screws up his face) Seth: (frustrated) yaaaaahhhhh (later) (frowns) oooohhh CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is in there looking out the window, distracted and Kirsten comes in Kirsten: Sandy Sandy: (looks) oh hey Kirsten: good morning (kisses Sandy) mmm (wraps arms around Sandy's neck) whatever problems your thinking about right now let them go (smiles) our kids got inta college its a big day Sandy: (smiles) oh your right, we did it (raises eyebrows) Kirsten: we did it (smiles) Sandy: we did it (Seth comes in) Seth: I see the self congratulation has gn Kirsten: aah (runs over to Seth) oh, we are (hugs Seth) so proud of you Sandy: a Cohen in the Ivy Leagues, you did the work but I think our genes deserve some'a the credit (hugs Seth) (Seth seems to be uncomfortable with all the attention he's getting) Seth: thanks Sandy: we knew you could do it (rubs Seth's back) Seth: oh hey there's Ryan, he got inta college to (points) give him some hugs Kirsten: congratulations (hugs Ryan) ooh (Ryan smiles) Sandy: our next generation Berkeley man, congratulations (hugs Ryan) Ryan: thankyou (Seth drinks his water) Kirsten: we're so proud, both of you Sandy: an you know what we should have a celebration dinner (Seth raises his eyebrows) tonight, please invite your ladies Ryan: yeah Seth: (frowns) I don't know, you think we're makin too big a deal though (Ryan frowns at him) Kirsten: your fathers right seven thirty Ryan: sure sure (touches Seth's arm) thanks Seth: no more hugging though physical contact freaks me out (Ryan and Seth leave. Kirsten laughs) Kirsten: feeling better Sandy: (raises eyebrows, smiles) yeah (Kirsten kisses Sandy) CUT TO: Roberts' backyard - Julie is leaving a message for Marissa Julie: Marissa I don't know where you were last night or what you think your doing but you call me as soon as you get this, I've had it young lady (Julie hangs up and sighs. Neil comes out holding Marissa's Berkeley letter) Julie: oh, Neil your up, can I get you some coffee Neil: no (sits) Julie: Summer just left, she's so excited about Brown, she wanted to stop by REI on the way to school something about a sub zero sleeping bag (Neil picks up Marissa's Berkeley letter) Marissa must of left super early this morning (sits) I'm worried she didn't get in an maybe is embarrassed to tell me (frowns) Neil: (looks at the Berkeley letter) she got in Julie: excuse me Neil: (holds out Berkeley stuff) I found this in the trash when I got home last night Julie: (looks at letter) oh my god Neil: Julie we both know she didn't spend the night here (Julie looks at him) I don't know what's goin on but we have'ta stop pretending that it's not happening (looks at Julie) (Julie looks at him) you've gotta talk to her (Julie looks down) CUT TO: Volchok's loft - Volchok and Marissa are on a mattress together with the covers over them. Volchok has one of his arms draped on Marissa. Marissa stirs and looks over at Volchok, after a few seconds she sits up and then sits on the edge of the bed while she puts her dress on. we see this first through a red mesh curtain thing which you cant see through very clearly, then it changes to a clearer blue one as she pulls the dress down. as Marissa walks away from the bed Volchok reaches his arm over to where Marissa was and stirs when he realises she's not there. Marissa sits down on the coffee table and puts her socks on Volchok: you late for somethin Marissa: I figured id make an appearance at Harbor, its only fourth period (smiles) Volchok: so what're you doing tomorrow Marissa: my schools having this party thing I have'ta go to, all the seniors wear the sweatshirt to the college they got into, its Volchok: the gayest thing I've ever heard (looks at Marissa) (Marissa looks at him then down) so your really thinkin about going to college Marissa: why, you don't see it (smiles) (Volchok raises his eyebrows and then sits on the edge of the bed) Volchok: so uh me an some'a the guys are going to Baja for the weekend, you know surf, smoke some Mexican green (smiles, looks at Marissa) wanna come (Marissa looks at him) or can't you miss your gay sweatshirt party (Marissa looks as though she's thinking) CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan is in the student lounge and Summer goes over to him Summer: hey, Atwood, have you seen Skeletor Ryan: uh no why Summer: well I bought us thermal face masks for Providence an I wanted him to try his on Ryan: oh, well why don't you just bring em to dinner tonight (Summer looks at him, clueless) Sandy an Kirsten the uh celebration thingy (raises eyebrows) I'm sure he meant ta tell you Summer: oh (nods) well yeah, probably Ryan: probably (smiles uncomfortably) Summer: (looks down) um, when you see him will you give him this (Summer yanks Ryan's head down by the front of his hair and then walks off. Ryan screws up his face and then turns around, he notices a foot that looks alot like Seth's. we see someone slouched on the couch reading, with his foot up on the table. Ryan pulls the calculus book down and we see that it is indeed Seth) Ryan: hey man (sits next to Seth) um, Summer was lookin for you (looks at Seth) I uh invited her for tonight Seth: (nods) cool, good Ryan: (nods) everything ok Seth: yeah no I'm just uh, if she sees me she'll dress me like a Timberland Barbie, did you invite Sadie Ryan: iiim going over to her place after school Seth: did you tell her you got inta Berkeley Ryan: no, I don't know it's kinda difficult, you know I mean we haven't really been goin out that long (Seth looks down) but I mean what'do you do when only one'a you is goin ta college Seth: oh (raises eyebrows) man I wish I knew (Ryan and Seth both look as though they are thinking) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Sadie is hanging some of her jewelry on a stand on the counter and Ryan comes in Ryan: hey Sadie: hey, perfect timing, I just finished working (Ryan sits opposite her at the breakfast bar) so (smiles) congratulations (Ryan looks at her) psychic remember (Ryan looks down) an when you didn't call last night Ryan: yeah well uh...yeah (nods) Sadie: (nods, smiles) I'm happy for you Ryan: thankyou (Sadie and Ryan lean towards each other and kiss then sit back down) Sadie: so you wanna mention the elephant in the room or should I Ryan: so I've been thinking uh I don't have'ta go up till August (raises eyebrows) we could have the summer Sadie: mm yeah (shakes head) not so inta relationships with an egg timer on them Ryan: (sighs, goes over to Sadie) Sadie, the last few months Sadie: ok Ryan, pet peeve, having a guy tell me how amazing I am while dumping me, rings (squints) kinda false you know Ryan: I was gonna say, that I've ben happier than I've ever been with anyone I've dated (Sadie looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at her. after a few seconds Sadie stands) Sadie: I'm still in Newport because of you (Ryan looks at her) making jewelry, a very portable business you see where I'm going with this Ryan: ...you would move to Berkeley Sadie: yeah I would...if you want me to (Ryan kisses Sadie. Sadie wraps her arm around Ryan's back) Ryan: yeah I do (Sadie smiles and touches her forehead to Ryan's) CUT TO: Cohen house - Summer comes into the kitchen wearing cats eye glasses and a tweed Brown blazer, she looks quite the academic achiever Summer: hello Mr. an Mrs. Cohen (Sandy and Kirsten look at Summer, suprised) Sandy: well hello Summer Kirsten: (smiles) hi Summer Summer: my dad just dropped me off (Seth comes in) Seth: hey is dinner ready (notices Summer) oh my god Summer: get use to it Cohen cause this is what your gonna be looking at for the next four years Seth: mm-hmm (Ryan and Sadie come in holding hands) Ryan: hey we're not late are we Kirsten: not at all, we're glad your here (Ryan and Sadie look at Summer. Summer smiles oblivious) Sandy: now everybody outside dinner is served (Ryan, Sadie, Summer, Seth, Kirsten and then Sandy head out of the kitchen. the next thing we see they are all sitting at the table in the backyard) Sadie: so Ryan told me that you guys actually went to Berkeley Sandy: yes Seth: please don't have them tell the Halloween story again (Kirsten smiles) Sandy: let's just say we met under unusual circumstances (for those that are curious we can now see a bit of how everyone is sitting, its Kirsten, Sandy, Ryan, Sadie, Summer and then Seth. Sadie and Ryan are holding hands on the table) Kirsten: it's a beautiful place you should try an visit (Sadie looks at Ryan) Ryan: uh well actually Sadie's gonna be comin up to Berkeley with me Sandy: when you go up to look at the school Ryan: no to live Seth: what (Summer looks down) Kirsten: I don't understand, did you apply to Berkeley Sadie: no, no it's just my business (looks at Ryan) can kinda go anywhere an (Ryan nods) Ryan's gonna be up there, so we figured why not (Kirsten looks at Sandy) Sandy: so uh when did you decide this Ryan: this afternoon (smiles) Sadie: (to Ryan) it was my suggestion Ryan: (looks at Sadie) uh no actually I think I asked you (Kirsten and Sandy look at each other. Ryan and Sadie look at everyone. cue the awkward silence. after a few seconds) Summer: well I think its great (Seth looks at her) finding the right person an then deciding to be with them no matter what that's what life's about right (Sadie looks over at Summer appreciatively, Summer smiles at her and then looks at Seth. Seth looks down, Summer looks away) Sadie: you know I'm actually kinda tired Ryan: Sadie Sadie: (stands) I'm gonna go home Kirsten: oh w nnnnn no Sadie: thankyou both very much for dinner Sandy: oh well Ryan: (stands) ill walk you out (Sadie and Ryan head inside. everyone watches, we see close ups of Sandy and Kirsten's worried/stunned faces) CUT TO: Roberts' house - the range rover pulls up out the front and we see that Seth has driven Summer home Summer: ? so quiet tonight is anything wrong Seth: no I'm fine Summer: I still can't believe that Ryan an Sadie are moving to Berkeley together I think that is so romantic Seth: (shakes head) I don't know what Ryan's thinking Summer: (looks at Seth) what're you talking about Seth: well he's eighteen I just think college should come first Summer: well not if you're with the one you think you should be with, like forever be with Seth: yeah well who really knows that at eighteen Summer: I do (Seth doesn't say anything, just keeps looking down) oh my god...you don't Seth: (looks at Summer) Summer, that's not what I m Summer: no you know what, I have'ta go (Summer takes off her seatbelt and quickly gets out of the car, on the verge of tears. Seth looks down sadly) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom, next morning - Marissa is packing clothes into a bag and we hear a knock. Marissa looks over and Julie opens the door Marissa: if your here about the sweatshirt party I'm not going so if you wanna yell, yell Julie: (walks in) actually I was hoping that we could just talk (Marissa looks at her) Marissa I don't know what's going on with you or what I did wrong...although I'm sure we could come up with a few things but...I just cant bear to see you doing this to yourself Marissa: mom, this isn't about you (looks down, shakes head) I just keep tryin'a picture myself at Berkeley an- I can't Julie: that-that just means your scared honey an that's fine (Marissa looks at her then away) look Marissa I've ben in that place before, where you lose faith in yourself (Marissa looks at her) but honey I believe in you an you deserve this Marissa: (looks at Julie, unsure) I don't know mom Julie: Marissa please don't give up on yourself, you have no idea how much I want this for you Marissa: (closes eyes) I-...ill think about it Julie: that's all I want (Julie leaves, on the verge of tears and Marissa looks down) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Seth is buried under the covers an we hear a knock. Seth pulls the covers down off his face and Ryan comes in with 2 coffees Seth: hey (Ryan puts a coffee down on Seth's bedside table) Seth: thanks man Ryan: sure (sits) Seth: (sits up) did you talk ta the parents yet Ryan: you know what in hindsight, breakin the uh Sadie news to em that way probably not a very good plan Seth: well at least my dad didn't have an actual heart attck at the table, so that's a plus Ryan: that's true, anything happen after I left Seth: Summer an I got into a soul crushing fight about Brown Ryan: (screws up face) mm (swallows) I'm sorry have you talked to her Seth: no, but even if I did man an she forgave me its like then what, you know (Ryan frowns, nods) just I don't know it's complicated Ryan: Seth um (sits forward) I gotta ask...did you really get inta Brown Seth: (raises eyebrows) did I get in, Ryan now who's smoking pot, listen'a me (Ryan looks at him) the only class that I've ever gotten less than an A in (Ryan raises his eyebrows) was gym, my essay on the loneliness of being Superman made Mrs. Rushfield cry so you know of course (looks down, shakes head) oooh god how did I not get in (Ryan looks at Seth worriedly, Seth keeps looking away) Ryan: why're you lying about it Seth: (sighs) for Summer Ryan: well don't you think she's gonna notice when your not there first semester Seth: well she said if I didn't get in an she did she wouldn't go to Brown (holds hand out) I'm not gonna let her do that, it's the opportunity of a lifetime Ryan: well I think that's up to her (Seth looks at him) sorry man I think you gotta tell her the truth (Ryan leaves and then we see a close up of Seth's lost face) CUT TO: The diner - Sadie is sitting in a booth by herself and Ryan comes in Ryan: hey, sorry I'm late (sits opposite) Sadie: no it's fine, I just got here myself Ryan: (while reading menu) so uhhh Harbors havin this party tonight everyone (looks at Sadie) wears there college sweatshirt (smiles) d'you wanna go Sadie: sure, yeah that'll be fun Ryan: (looks at Sadie) yeah Sadie: (nods) yeah Ryan: an I'm sorry about last night uh, that was not the way it should've happened Sadie: or maybe it was Ryan: what'do you mean Sadie: come on Ryan heat of the moment we decide to go to Berkeley together (Ryan looks at her) maybe we need to think about it Ryan: are you sayin you don't want to anymore Sadie: we should just make sure that we're doing this for the right reasons Ryan: we are (motions with hands) because we wanna stay together (looks at Sadie) (Sadie looks down) right (smiles) Sadie: I guess I just feel like alotta people go to college to find themselves an maybe your one'a those people, you know I wouldn't wanna get in the way'a that Ryan: (looks away then leans closer) I feel more myself with you...than anyone Sadie: ...(raises eyebrows) those are some pretty big words mister (smiles) Ryan: well I am going to Berkeley (Ryan reaches his hand out to Sadie and looks into her eyes, we see a close up of their hands as Sadie puts her on top of his) CUT TO: Korean food place - Taylor and Summer are standing with Seung Ho, there is alot of Korean so I'm not even going to attempt to spell or guess at what they are saying. Seung Ho says something and Taylor replies to him, I can make out the words sweatshirt party in amongst the Korean. Seung Ho says more Korean and I can make out the word Taylor after which is more Korean Taylor: (smiles shyly) Seung Ho you dog (laughs) (Summer frowns and looks from Taylor to Seung Ho) oh let me give you my credit card (Seung Ho smiles and goes into the back. Taylor giggles and notices Summer looking distracted) Taylor: Summer Summer: (looks) hm Taylor: come on, cheer up (rubs Summer shoulder) its gonna be fine, you an Seth will work it out Summer: I know I just don't get it, we had a dream an the dream comes true an then suddenly he's like (frowns) god what a crappy dream (looks at Taylor) I mean who does that Taylor: Summer getting a man is like capturing a wily silver back gorilla (raises eyebrows) in the Ugandan highlands (Summer looks at her then away, frowns then raises her eyebrows) you see nature is telling that gorilla to stay in the wild (looks at Taylor) (points) but both you an I know that that gorilla would be much happier back in the zoo (nods) on a normal feeding schedule (Summer raises her eyebrows) but sometimes he's just gotta roar an bat his chest before he'll let you sht him with a tranq dart Summer: so what your saying is he's trying to (frowns) exert his gorilla independence(unsure) Taylor: yes (points) that is exactly what I'm saying Summer, now come help me set up the bonfire (to Seung Ho) uh Seung Ho (Taylor speaks more Korean to him, I think I hear party in there. Seung Ho smiles and waves, Taylor waves back as she leaves) Summer: yeah what she said Taylor: oh bye guys (the guys in the back call out to Taylor in Korean) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is in there getting ready for the bonfire and Sandy comes in carrying 2 sweatshirts, he's smiling almost deliriously Sandy: hey (knocks) Ryan: hey Sandy: (walks in) got a sec Ryan: uh yeah, I was just about ta head over to the bonfire (stands) Sandy: I found this in the closet (holds up navy blue sweatshirt) it's a little worn but Ryan: (smiles, takes the sweatshirt) wow, wow that's great thanks Sandy: an Kirsten was wondering if maybe Sadie could use this (holds up yellow sweatshirt) Ryan: (nods, softly) yeah Sandy: (puts sweatshirt down, sighs) sorry about last night (Ryan listens) you know we both think she's a great girl Ryan: she is, she is and uh (screws up face) yeah an I know it seems kinda fast (looks down) but uh (looks at Sandy) I really care about her (sits) Sandy: I'm sure you do (sits) you know its funny just before you sprung your news I was about to tell ya that id spoken to my friend Paul Glass (raises eyebrows) up at Berkeley an he told me that he could probably get you into my old dorm, of course if your living with Sadie you know your gonna have'ta find some off campus housing (Ryan is looking a little overwhelmed) an she's not gonna be part of the meal plan so between food an rent (Ryan looks at him) I think your both gonna have'ta have jobs, y'know Kirsten an I were gonna cover your costs...but now with Sadie in the mix Ryan: (frowns) no no I would never ask that uh (Sandy looks at him) I guess we just haven't had time ta really figure everything out Sandy: no course not, course not (shrugs) how could you (Ryan looks at him then down) it all happened so fast (Ryan looks down again, it seems like the reality of the situation is starting to ht him) Sandy: did I ever tell you how I almost didn't make it to Berkeley (Ryan listens) I was drivin across the country that first summer, I spent the night in this little town a thousand miles from home (shakes head) (Ryan looks at him) an I was terrified (stands) Ryan: (closes eyes) Sandy I'm not doin this with Sadie because I'm scared Sandy: ok (nods) (Sandy leaves and Ryan looks down at Kirsten's old sweatshirt sitting on the bed next to him, he puts his hand on it and then looks away) CUT TO: Volchok's loft - we see Volchok zip up his luggage and then hear Marissa's voice, she's on the phone Marissa: hey Volchok: where are you, I'm ready ta go (we see Marissa sitting in her new room at the Roberts' house) Marissa: I can't go to Baja tonight Volchok: (sits, closes his eyes) alright Marissa: but call me when you get back Volchok: yeah sure whatever (Volchok hangs up and puts the phone down, disappointed. Marissa hangs up and has a "typical" expression, then looks down. Volchok taps his fist on his mouth) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Ryan comes in wearing Sandy's old Berkeley sweatshirt, he sighs and closes the door behind him then slowly walks in Ryan: (calls) Sadie (Sadie comes out) Sadie: Ryan I'm so glad your here I have something huge to tell you Ryan: yeah, so do I (looks down) Sadie: oh ok you wanna go first Ryan: (raises eyebrows) nononono no that's fine, go ahead Sadie: ok so I called the guy who sells my jewelry in the Bay area (Ryan listens) an it turns out he runs an artist co-op in Berkeley (Ryan is clueless as to what that means) so I could live there (Ryan raises his eyebrows) or we could live there (smiles) together, isn't that awesome Ryan: yeah yeah that's amazing Sadie: see I told you I was psychic Ryan: hm Sadie: ok what was your news (Ryan looks down then at Sadie, Sadie looks at him waiting) Ryan: iiii talked to Sandy um (looks at Sadie) he an Kirsten are fine about us Sadie: that's awesome (smiles) Ryan: (nods) mm-hmm (Sadie leans forward and kisses Ryan) Sadie: ok, we're gonna leave? for your party right Ryan: yeah (raises eyebrows) Sadie: hey d'you think it's gonna be weird that I'm not wearing a sweatshirt Ryan: ...no no, y-y you'll be fine Sadie: ok, I'm gonna go grab my purse Ryan: alright (Ryan looks worried. make of it what you will that Ryan didn't offer Sadie Kirsten's sweatshirt when he could of, personally I think it speaks volumes!) CUT TO: Roberts' house - Seth is standing outside of Summers room, he closes his eyes and then after a few seconds knocks, when there's no response he opens the door Seth: Summer (Seth looks around and then goes inside, he notices a huge collage of the two of them on top of her dresser. it has a whole heap of photos of the two of them together as well as the words college life and the Brown insignia, its really awesome. the camera zooms in on a few different sections of it, the last one is a photo of them together in their winter hats. Seth looks at it sadly, aww) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Marissa is sitting on the bed looking lost, we hear a door open and Marissa suddenly snaps out of her daze. through Marissa's open door we see Summer come in and sit on the edge of her bed, she sighs and takes her shoes off. Marissa leans over to look at Summer and Summer notices her Summer: hey Marissa: hey, where have you ben Summer: oh I had to help Taylor set up for the bonfire, that girl can handle a chainsaw (looks down then at Marissa) hey Seth hasn't called has he Marissa: no I don't think so (Summer nods sadly) Marissa: is everything ok with you guys (Marissa gets off her bed and heads towards Summers room) Summer: don't worry about it Marissa: look Summer, I'm sorry about the way I've been acting (Summer looks at her) just give me a chance (Summer looks at Marissa and then closes her eyes and looks down. Marissa looks at her) Summer: ...remember when the boys made us watch that movie about the gay guys on the mountain Marissa: Lord Of The Rings Summer: yeah, an you remember that Gollum guy (squints) how he got evil an more evil (raises eyebrows) (Marissa listens) the closer he got to that firery thing, that's kinda how Seth is about Brown (nods) Marissa: oooh, (reassuringly) hey you guys'll work it out you love each other (Summer turns so that she's sitting more on the bed and facing Marissa, Marissa sits across from her, awww) Summer: thanks (Summer looks down, Marissa settles across from her on the bed and we see them both side on) Summer: so no offence but what has been going on with you Marissa: (closes eyes, looks down) I don't know, I keep trying to get back to the life I remember but I jus, I cant (shrugs) never seems to work Summer: (closes eyes) an you couldn't talk to me about this (Marissa looks down) I've been your best friend since the first grade Marissa: I know (closes her eyes then looks at Summer) I'm sorry Summer: (half smiles, touches Marissa's knee) I forgive you (Marissa smiles, Summer smiles and Marissa touches Summers knee) Summer: but, you have'ta come with me to the sweatshirt party as penance (smiles happily) Marissa: oh, I would (nods) but (shakes head) I don't have a sweatshirt Summer: ooh yeah, what're we gonna do about that (frowns) (Marissa watches as Summer gets off the bed and goes over to a drawer, she opens it and pulls out a gorgeous pink Berkeley sweatshirt with a pink bow thing wrapped around it, aww. Summer holds it up. it's a very girly pink and it has Berkeley in navy blue letters with white edging. Summer sits back down on the bed with it and Marissa looks suprised) Summer: I bought this a few months ago, looks like somebody believed in you (Summer hands Marissa the sweatshirt and Marissa has a huge smile, she makes an aww sound, clearly touched - in the backyard Julie is sitting at the bar with a drink and looking very out of it, Neil goes over) Neil: hey (Julie looks then looks away) (sits) you ok Julie: (holds up hand) please I just- I can't do this right now Neil: do what Julie: (upset) sit here an be tested as wife mother material while I'm worried about my daughters future, I get it ok its not what you expected I failed, fine, but right now I need'a think about Marissa Neil: Julie I'm sorry if I (looks at Julie) if I made you feel like you were being tested I (Julie looks at him) I was wrong (raises eyebrows, shakes head) an you've hardly failed I think Marissa's very lucky to have you for a mom (Julie looks at Neil. Summer and Marissa come out wearing their sweatshirts for the bonfire) Summer: hey (Julie and Neil look) guys we're going to the party (waves) Marissa: (waves) bye mom, bye Dr. Roberts (Julie watches a much happier Marissa leave with Summer, she looks relieved) Neil: what did I tell you (Julie looks at Neil) CUT TO: The sweatshirt party - we see some coloured light lantern things on string and there are some torches stuck in the sand. there are kids everywhere and of course the bonfire, we see flashes of a few different college sweatshirts, it goes CONNECTICUT COLLEGE, TEXAS A&M, USC and BOSTON COLLEGE. then we see Seung Ho and Taylor standing together, Taylor has SORB ONNE on hers and Seung Ho has STANFORD on his. we then see Ryan and Sadie walk up to Summer and Marissa Ryan: hey Marissa: hey Summer: hey guys Ryan: (to Marissa, nods) congratulations Marissa: yeah you too, hi Sadie Sadie: hey (smiles) Summer: um has anyone seen Cohen (frowns) Ryan: uhh (Seth walks up, he's wearing a jacket and not a Brown sweatshirt, for reasons known to no one but Ryan) Seth: did someone say my name Summer: hey (Seth looks at her) (frowns) your not wearing your sweatshirt Seth: uhhh (Taylor comes over) Taylor: (excitedly) you guys are all here, the core four (smiles, touches Ryans back) I need a picture (Ryan looks at Seth) go, go Summer: do you wanna (points) Taylor: (to Sadie) sorry, do you mind Sadie: no, no it's fine (Marissa puts her arm around Summers shoulder. the order goes Summer, Marissa, Seth and Ryan. I think what Summer was getting at before was if Seth wanted to be next to her for the photo, and he obviously didn't, aww) Taylor: everybody say higher earning potential Seth: ah-huh (we see the flash of the camera and then we see the photo still on the screen. its such a nice photo! interestingly they all have their hands in their pockets, even more interestingly Seth and Summer have theirs in their jacket pockets while both Marissa and Ryan have theirs in their pants pockets) Taylor: (giggles) it's so cute Seth: alright (Sadie looks around uncomfortably) Seth: (to Summer) can I talk to you for a minute Summer: yeah (Summer looks at Marissa as she walks away, Marissa looks at her) Sadie: (to Ryan) I'm actually kinda hungry d'you want anything Ryan: no no I'm Taylor: (grabs Sadie's arm) I will show you where the food is (Sadie looks at Ryan helplessly as Taylor drags her away) Taylor: hi I'm Taylor (Sadie looks back) I use'ta be like total enemies with those guys (proudly) but I'm pretty much second circle core now (Ryan and Marissa are standing together, Marissa looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at her) Ryan: I like your sweatshirt Marissa: thanks yours isn't so bad either (Ryan looks at Marissa then looks down, Marissa does the same and then she looks off to the side) Ryan: ...you uh you doin ok (Marissa looks at Ryan, a little suprised. Ryan looks at her) Marissa: (scoffs, pulls on her sweatshirt) well besides this thing choking me (Ryan looks at her) no you know honestly I'm beginning to think all of this is a bad idea (looks at Ryan) Ryan: what's that Marissa: the sweatshirt (shrugs) party Ryan: (nods) you know even though we're not together I'm (Marissa looks at him) I'm here if you ever wanna talk Marissa: thanks (Ryan looks at her, she looks at him) it means alot (Ryan nods and then walks away. Marissa looks cold. we see some more of the other kids, there are 2 guys wearing YALE sweatshirts standing together. Marissa looks around and shrugs, she's by herself still. then we see Taylor, Sadie and Seung Ho standing together) Taylor: so this is my friend Seung Ho (Seung Ho smiles) an this is Sadie uh (Taylor speaks Korean to Seung Ho, I can make out the word Ryan, I assume she's saying Sadie is Ryan's girlfriend. Seung Ho nods and Sadie looks over at Ryan who is talking with 2 guys. Sadie looks as though she's starting to realise what it's going to be like at Berkeley) CUT TO: NB Yacht club - Henry is sitting at the bar by himself and Sandy walks over Sandy: coulda told me your answer on the phone Henry: (looks) well I wanted us to talk Sandy: so your not pulling out, fine, my friends at the DA's office are gonna find whoever att*cked Matt an I can promise you there not gonna keep it quiet Henry: look I had nothing to do with what happened to Matt, unfortunately I can't offer you anything but my word Sandy: (shakes head) which doesn't carry alotta weight with me Henry: how bout seven hundred million dollars Sandy: excuse me Henry: with the hospital going up, the cities interested in revitalising the entire area (Sandy listens) parks, affordable housing, restaurants, head of the appropriations committee is a friend of mine, he's asked about your firm Sandy: wow (moves closer) so now your tryin'a bribe me Henry: the face'a this cities changing Sandy, you can be apart of that (Sandy looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: Cohen house - we hear a doorbell and see Matt standing at the front door, Kirsten opens it Kirsten: (shocked) oh my god, what- come inside Matt: no it's alright, Sandy here Kirsten: no no he's out, w- what happened to you Matt: some guys broke inta my apartment, listen tell him I stopped by with a proposal Kirsten: no no Matt wait wait wait (Matt stops) did you call the police (Matt looks at her) they have'ta find out who did this Matt: I know who did it (starts to leave) Kirsten: what're you talking about Matt: (looks at Kirsten) look, I really like Sandy but you just gotta, you gotta get him to quit this (Kirsten looks at him shocked) cause pretty soon it's gonna be too late (Matt leaves and Kirsten looks stunned) CUT TO: The sweatshirt party - Seth is sitting on a chair looking down at the sand and Summer is crouched down next to him Summer: so are you gonna talk or what Seth: yeah...it's just (Summer looks at him) not easy Summer: ...then ill go (Seth looks at her) look I get that your a guy ok an I know you have that whole simian brain thing but (frowns) if we're gonna go to college together next year you cant (Seth looks down) keep freaking out on me all the time Seth: yeah (looks up but not at Summer) Summer that's just it Summer: what is Seth: ...I'm not sure that I wanna (looks at Summer) go to Brown next year Summer: (looks at Seth) what Seth: I've just been thinkin alot about it an I'm not-I'm not exactly sure that Brown is the right choice for me (looks at Summer) for you (raises eyebrows) I still I think it's great Summer: (confused) but we applied to Brown so that we could be together Seth: yeah I know (looks down) I just I guess I changed my mind Summer: so what we just suddenly apply somewhere else Seth: no I think you should still go to Brown (looks at Summer) (Summer looks at him) you should (shrugs) ill just go somewhere else Summer: ...do you really mean this (Seth looks down, Summer looks at him) Seth: ...I'm sorry (shrugs, looks at Summer) I think it's for the best (Summer looks away, hurt. Seth looks at her sadly) Summer: ...(nods) ok, well I guess um if this is how you feel (raises eyebrows) fine (Seth looks at her) (matter of factly) we're over (Summer quickly walks away upset, Seth puts his head down. we now see Sadie sitting on the bottom of the ramp of the lifeguard tower, Ryan walks over) Ryan: hey, been lookin for ya Sadie: yeah Taylor went off with that food guy, I'm pretty sure they were talkin dirty to each other in Korean Ryan: you wanna leave, I know it's kinda hard on you, not knowin anyone Sadie: (sighs) you're a nice guy Ryan...but I'm not coming to Berkeley with you (Ryan sits down next to Sadie and looks at her, then away) Sadie: don't you see this is what it'll be like next year (sighs, looks at Ryan) you'll have this other world an ill constantly be pulling you away from it, you wont get (Ryan looks at her) to experience college the way you should, I'm not gonna do that to you Ryan: come on (looks at Sadie) Sadie: you know I'm right (Ryan looks at her, Sadie looks down, Ryan looks away) Sadie: ...I'm gonna go home (stands) (Ryan stands) I have'ta start packing in the morning Ryan: ill drive you Sadie: I wanna walk (Ryan looks at her) an id rather say goodbye here (Ryan looks at Sadie helplessly, Sadie leans forward and kisses Ryan) Sadie: keep in touch Ryan (smiles) I'm gonna miss you (Ryan and Sadie look at each other and then Sadie walks away. Ryan watches the back of her as she walks down the beach, gradually getting further away) CUT TO: Cohen house - Sandy comes in the front door and Kirsten is waiting for him in the living room with the light off Kirsten: Sandy (Sandy looks over at Kirsten, Kirsten closes her eyes) Sandy: what're you doin sittin in the dark Kirsten: Matt came by Sandy: well what'did he say because you know- Kirsten: just promise me that your gonna quit this thing Sandy: oh honey (shakes head) it's complicated Kirsten: no its not Sandy: well it's about more than just the hospital Kirsten: (goes over to Sandy) do you forget that I worked at that company for fifteen years an I saw what happened to my father Sandy: (shakes head) I'm not gonna become your father, but I can't just quit (Kirsten looks at Sandy helplessly, Sandy looks at her. Kirsten walks passed Sandy and over to the door, Sandy watches as she grabs the car keys and leaves) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer pulls down her collage of her and Seth and looks at it through tears, she rips it in half and then tears it into smaller pieces. she drops the pieces to the floor as she becomes more upset, aww. we see the pieces lying on the floor and then we see Summer put her hands on the back of her neck and look down sadly, we then see Marissa putting her Berkeley sweater away in her room. she puts it in her top drawer and closes it. she turns around and leans against the drawer and then looks over at Summer's half open door, she heads into Summers room and sees that Summer is curled up on her bed in tears. Summer looks over at Marissa and then away again. Marissa lies down next to Summer and after a few seconds she puts her hand on Summers shoulder. Summer becomes more upset, aww CUT TO: Cohen's backyard - we see Seth walking up to the pool house, he walks in and we see Ryan sitting on the edge of his bed looking upset, he has bare feet. Ryan looks over at Seth. Seth stands there next to the bed and then he sits down on the floor, they both lay down at the same time. Ryan onto the bed and Seth onto the floor next to the bed. Ryan spreads his arms out a little and Seth spreads his legs and arms. they both look lost, poor guys - Fade out	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x20 - The Day After Tomorrow"}	foreverdreaming
COHEN HOUSE KIRSTEN: Nice job on the grill, Seth. Those swordfish look perfect. SANDY: Wow, the student becomes a master. There's a new king of the B-B-Q. I cede you my oven mitts. SETH: And here I thought I was destined to live in your shadow. See, buddy? No need to become a fisherman after all. RYAN: Yeah, that was a bad idea. SETH: We all have our moments. RYAN: You mean like you lying to Summer and breaking up with her to cover it up? SETH: No, actually, I think that was a great idea. RYAN: Yeah, 'cause what was your other option: telling her the truth? SETH: Exactly. RYAN: Yeah. SANDY: What are you guys talking about? SETH: Nothing. RYAN: Nothing. KIRSTEN: Ryan, I don't know if you saw, but your graduation tickets came. SANDY: Aisle seats. Nice! Although you'd think after sending two kids to Harbor, they could cough up more than two tickets per student. KIRSTEN: He's just worried about the Nana. SETH: Well, she is an excellent clapper. SANDY: She can do the two-finger whistle. KIRSTEN: She's never taken a picture out of focus. SANDY: The woman was born for graduations. RYAN: Well, let her take my tickets. I mean, Seth's got you guys covered. I'd hate to see mine go to waste. KIRSTEN: Why don't you invite someone from your family? Your mom would love it. RYAN: I'm going to go wash up. SETH: Sink's right here, uh... SANDY: I don't think it's such a good idea, honey. I tried this already. KIRSTEN: She signed up for AA. She's starting her life again. SANDY: Yeah, after writing bad checks and getting arrested and disappearing. SANDY: She doesn't have the greatest track record. SETH: I think I'm going to wash up, too. KIRSTEN: It's important to him. SANDY: I just don't want to see him get hurt again. KIRSTEN:It's his decision. SANDY: Well, he's still a kid. KIRSTEN: Right. Because when we get older, we make much better decisions. POOLHOUSE KIRSTEN: I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to... RYAN: No, it's fine, it's fine. It's something I've been thinking about for a long time. I haven't seen her in so long. If I don't invite her to graduation, will I ever see her again? KIRSTEN: Look, I know the last time she was here, it was difficult. RYAN: When Sandy saw her, how was she? KIRSTEN: Honestly, not good, but she's trying. Maybe seeing you again will be just the thing for both of you. RYAN: What if she's worse? KIRSTEN: There's only one way to find out... and if you want me to fly to Albuquerque with you... RYAN: If I do this, I need to do it alone. But you're right. You're right. She's my mom. I owe her a chance. How bad can it be, right? KIRSTEN: Right. GENERIC MARISSA'S ROOM KEVIN: Hola, senorita. MARISSA: What are you doing in here? KEVIN: I just got back from my little trip down Mexico way. I bribed your maid with a little bit of local speak. MARISSA: Oh, really? 'Cause Mima's from the Philippines. KEVIN: Must have said something right. Hope you weren't too lonely without me. MARISSA: I survived. Okay. W-We can't do this, okay? KEVIN: What are you talking about? I go away for a few days, and you get over me? MARISSA: No, it's not that. It's just... JULIE: Her mother might find out. You know, I told Neil this house had rats. KEVIN: How you doing? It's nice to meet you. JULIE: Keep that grimy paw away from me, unless you want to see what ten years of cardio bar can do to your face. KEVIN: I was just leaving anyways. Yeah, I think your daughter's over me. JULIE: I guess I was just a phase. MARISSA: Spare me the lecture. JULIE: Oh, no lecture. I get it. He's cool, he's got great abs... and personifies everything that's bad for you, Marissa. MARISSA: Oh, so you want to sleep with him instead? JULIE: Marissa, the choices you make now are going to affect your future. MARISSA: He's not that bad. Look, you were wrong about Ryan. Maybe you're wrong about him. JULIE: Well, we're not going to test that theory, because I'm not going to allow it. POOLHOUSE KIRSTEN: I went completely overboard and made you a ridiculously gigantic sandwich for the flight. RYAN: Thanks. Looking forward to it. KIRSTEN: And I booked you a car service to go anywhere and everywhere. RYAN: No, that's all right. I can take a cab. KIRSTEN: Just humor me. I worry enough. RYAN: All right. Actually, I'm a little worried, too. I, uh... I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. KIRSTEN: Do you have a game plan when you get there? RYAN: Yeah... I guess. Uh, she mentioned in her birthday card some diner she's working at. I figure I show up and... say hi and wait for the fireworks. KIRSTEN: Well, whatever happens, you have at least one proud mother watching you when you graduate. RYAN: Yeah, thanks. HARBOR TAYLOR: Hey, Sum. If it makes you feel any better, I just saw Seth, and he looks as miserable as you do. SUMMER: The only thing that would make me feel better would be seeing that assless, gutless wuss skinned, flayed and served as assless, gutless wuss tartare. TAYLOR: Oh, well, that's very descriptive, Summer. SUMMER: All right, look, T. to the T., I know you're all up with life, down with God, and you have a very positive, optimistic view on the world, but I ain't having it. TAYLOR: Summer, I'm not trying to offer you anything other than my friendship... but you know, I mean, if you want to be alone, that's totally okay with me, too. SUMMER: How could he lead me on and agree that we should plan our futures around being together and then just decide, "Oh, you know what? Yeah, maybe we shouldn't. We're not destined for each other." That I should just go ship off to Rhode Island all alone. I'm literally going to be deserted on an island. TAYLOR: Well, technically, Rhode Island is only bordered on three sides by water, so... It was an awful thing to do. SUMMER: And to think... just two years ago, he stood up on that very coffee cart and declared his love for me. TAYLOR: That was so sweet. You didn't see me, but I was there... and I remember that geek was totally in love with you. SUMMER: And I have only gotten hotter since then. Something is up. A guy like Cohen is physically incapable of walking away from a girl like me, unless he is hiding something. And no one hides anything from me. I'm going to get to the bottom of this, and no one is going to stop me. Thank you so much for a pep talk. CLUB MATT: Another Star and ginger. SANDY: Why don't you get it in a to-go cup? MATT: What's the matter, Sandman? SANDY: You're not happy to see me? MATT: You don't know when to quit, do you? SANDY: What's this? MATT: A projection of what my future earnings with the Newport Group would have been, plus pain and suffering, which were considerable. SANDY: You want me to pay you? MATT: Actually, Griffin. He's the one I've got the evidence on. Otherwise, I think the D.A. would be very interested in the documents I've got. SANDY: You're talking blackmail; it's not even noon yet. MATT: Tell your boy Griffin to pay up in cash tomorrow, or I start spreading the news. Put it on his tab. SANDY: You're getting yourself in pretty deep here, Matt. MATT: No deeper than you. KEVIN'S PLACE KEVIN: Yo! Did you forget your watch again? MARISSA: No, I came to see you. KEVIN: Look, I get it. Your mom doesn't like me. I'm a bad influence. Blah, blah. See you around. MARISSA: Actually, I was thinking maybe you'd want to hang out. KEVIN: What about school? MARISSA: Second semester, senior year. Unless you don't want to. KEVIN: Well, if you're going to stay, then stay. RESTAURANT CHLOE: Wherever you want. Place is all yours. RYAN: Uh, actually, I'm looking for someone-- uh, Dawn Atwood? CHLOE: Her shift doesn't start for a couple hours. Who should I say is looking for her? RYAN: A friend. Um, I'm staying at La Crescenta, I think. CHLOE: Nice hotel. Dawn doesn't really have any friends that stay at nice hotels. RYAN: I got a good rate. CHLOE: She does, however, have a son. Lives with some pretty wealthy people. Supposed to be cute. RYAN: Ryan. CHLOE: Chloe. Your mom is going to lose it when she finds out you're here. RYAN: I hope not. Uh, couple hours, you said ? Great. Uh, I'll be back. CHLOE: I'll be here. RYAN: Okay. HARBOR TEACHER: All right, let's review factoring a polynomial. This is good stuff, you guys. All right, what we have is an expression in which constants and variables are combined using only addition, subtraction and multiplication. SUMMER: Seth, you are so funny! I'm sorry, that was just such a knee slapper. TEACHER: Is there a problem, Miss Roberts? SUMMER: No, no. Um, well, not unless you're insulted by Seth's impersonation of you behind your back, involving penguin-walking buck teeth and crossed eyes. TEACHER: You do an impression of me, Mr. Cohen? SETH: Uh, no, no. I... don't do any impressions. TEACHER: I don't, um, use props. I don't like jokes in general. Well, why don't you work on some one-liners in Dr. Kim's office, and why don't you join him? Since you're such a receptive audience. Should be a hilarious weekend detention. _____ SETH: What is your deal, woman? I've never been thrown out of a class in my whole life. SUMMER: Okay, sorry to tarnish your perfect record, Cohen, but how else was I going to talk to you? The breakup is off. That's right. I broke up with you, and technically, it's in my power to technically un-break us up. SETH: You can do that? SUMMER: Technically, I just did. So unless you can explain to my satisfaction what your deal is and why you suddenly don't want to be together next year, we're back on. Yeah, technically, officially, completely. SETH: Okay, now... SUMMER: Wait, here we are: Dr. Kim's office. You know what? I'll go first. You just plead temporary insanity. It's good to have you back, babe. RESTAURANT CHLOE: You're not coming in? RYAN: I don't think so. CHLOE: Do you want to go somewhere? To talk or something? RYAN: Sounds good. KEVIN'S PLACE KEVIN: Hold that position. It's, uh... it's probably my supply drop. I'm having some people over tomorrow. JULIE: Marissa! MARISSA: Oh, my God, it's my mom. KEVIN: I'll handle it. MARISSA: Good, 'cause I'm going to hide. JULIE: Where's my daughter? Is she in here? KEVIN: And I thought you were my dealer. Kind of disappointed. JULIE: Don't get smart with me; you don't have the equipment. Her school called. She didn't show up today. KEVIN: She already got into college. JULIE: Listen up, Tommy Lee, you're just the latest in a series of experiments my daughter likes to make when acting out, so enjoy it, because right here, right now is as good as it gets for you. Soon, Marissa's going to wake up and realize she is so much better than you and your life. KEVIN: And you think she's going to come running back to you? JULIE: Marissa knows that I will be there for her whenever she decides to come home, because I am her family and not some punk with a smirk, three brain cells and a good coke connection. You tell her that. MARISSA: That's my mom. KEVIN: I'm going to get some beer. BAR RYAN: Best not to tell my mom about the beer. CHLOE: Also not going to tell these guys you're under 21. RYAN: Good idea. CHLOE: Cheers. You traveled pretty far to avoid her. RYAN: Yeah, well, I'm working up to it. I don't know how much you know, but my mom and I haven't always had the easiest relationship. CHLOE: Knowing Dawn a little, I figured, but if it makes you feel better, she's doing well. RYAN: Yeah, I saw that. She seemed happy. There was a tattooed guy that made me a little nervous. CHLOE: Oh, that's just Ron, her new boyfriend. RYAN: That's what I was afraid of. CHLOE: He looks hard-core, and yeah, he does own a rather large snake, but he's got a good heart. RYAN: Yeah. They all do at first. CHLOE: I love this song. Do you want to? RYAN: Um... CHLOE: Come on. RYAN: I don't really... dance so much. I, uh... This is not what I expected. CHLOE: Yeah? Well, maybe it's what you need. NEWPORT GROUP GRIFFIN: Well, you've got a way with people. Urban planning committee has signed off. SANDY: What can I say? I'm very charming. Close the door. GRIFFIN: Your message was rather cryptic. Do we have a problem? SANDY: Matt's not giving up, and since you had nothing to do with the ass-kicking he took, the news shouldn't get your blood up. GRIFFIN: What does he want? SANDY: Money... in exchange for the incriminating files, which you claim couldn't possibly be incriminating. You know what-- I'm going to let the cops deal with the whole thing. GRIFFIN: And destroy all your hopes and dreams? Watch all of this disappear? We have done such good work so far. I'll deal with Ramsey, explain to him the importance of this hospital. SANDY: No. I'm making Matt my problem. GRIFFIN: Well, then, good luck... for both of you. HOTEL CHLOE: Definitely not going to say anything to your mom about this. RYAN: Yeah, good plan. CHLOE: Oh, so that's why you came looking for her. Invite her to graduation? RYAN: Yeah, something like that. CHLOE: Oh, your mom and Ron should blend right in at your private school. You've got to send me a photo. Thanks for the company. COHEN HOUSE RYAN: Hello. SETH: Hey, man. How's Albuquerque? RYAN: Well, I did just hook up with a waitress. SETH: Oh, that would never happen to me, you stallion. Y tu madre? RYAN: Uh, doesn't know I'm here. Actually, I'm thinking about taking an earlier flight back. SETH: You can't just fly all the way to New Mexico and not even say hi to your mom. RYAN: Yeah? You really want to meet her trucker boyfriend and his python at graduation? SETH: So don't invite anybody to anything. Just do a quick pop in, say hello. What's the worst that can happen? RYAN: Not a question I want answered. SETH: Just be a man. Someone around here ought to. RYAN: You still lying to everyone about everything? SETH: I'm trying to speak as little as possible. The less I say, the fewer lies I have to track, but Summer wants answers. I'm telling you, though, if I tell her the truth, she'll throw away her future over me. RYAN: Yeah, well, sounds like we both have women to face. SETH: Each who suffers blackouts of their own kind. RYAN: Well, good luck. SETH: You, too. RESTAURANT DAWN: My baby! RYAN: Hi. SUMMER'S ROOM SUMMER: What are we doing tonight? Since we're dating again, we should go on a date. SETH: Except, uh, since you un-broke up with me, it sort of put the ball back in my court... and... now I break up with you, which means only I have the power to un-break us up. SUMMER: You're breaking up with me? SETH: Yes. I'm sorry. I really am, but I feel it's for the best. SUMMER: What? I... I only un-broke up with you so that I could find out why you were breaking up with me in the first place. SETH: Well, I guess now you'll never know. RESTAURANT DAWN: You look so good, sweetie. RYAN: So do you, Mom. DAWN: When Chloe told me you were in town, I couldn't believe it. RYAN: Oh, she told you I was here? DAWN: And my answer's yes, Ry. 100 percent. I wouldn't miss your graduation for anything. RYAN: Yeah? She told you about the graduation, too? DAWN: Sh-She just called. NICK: Let's go, Dawn. Food's getting cold. DAWN: Yeah, I hear you, Nick. Hey, Nick, that's my baby. NICK: This is my meat loaf. Get it out there. RYAN: Hey, you know what? You're busy. Let's talk tomorrow. DAWN: You bet. It's so good to see you. RYAN: It's good to see you, too. DAWN: Thanks for asking me, Ry. KEVIN'S PLACE KEVIN: Dude, are you still sleeping? Hmm? MARISSA: The party's starting a little early. KEVIN: Are you going to call your mom? Nah. HEATHER: So, the princess fell off her throne and landed on Volchok's mattress. MARISSA: Hey, Heather, it's good to see you, too. HEATHER: Who said it was good to see you? HOTEL CHLOE: You know, the dress you wore to, uh, PJ's going-away party was pretty cute. DAWN: Mm, kind of plain, don't you think? You should see the way the women dress in Newport. Like in the magazines. CHLOE: You should treat yourself. NICK: Chloe, you've got a customer. Dawn, your boy's here. ______ DAWN: Morning, hon. RYAN: Morning. CHLOE: I'll get some coffee. DAWWN: Chloe here's been trying to talk me into a new dress for the big day. RYAN: You don't have to buy anything, Mom. DAWN: Oh, no, I-I want it to be perfect, you know? And I was thinking, after the ceremony, I'd like to take everyone to dinner. You know? I mean, nothing fancy if I'm footing the bill, but... RYAN: Uh, hang on. DAWN: Hey, baby. Staying out of trouble? No, I was sorry you had to go on the road last night. I really want Ryan to meet you. Yeah, no, I checked on the flights to Orange County, and... um, hang on a second. It's okay if I bring a friend, right? RYAN: Yeah, yeah, sure. DAWN: Uh, let me get my calendar. CHLOE: She on cloud nine or what? RYAN: She's very excited. CHLOE: Sorry I ruined your surprise. I mentioned I ran into you, and it just kind of slipped out. You were going to invite her, right? RYAN: Yeah, totally. CHLOE: Okay. SUMMER'S ROOM SUMMER: No way. No scheming, no plan Bs, no wacky hijinks. Cohen broke up with me. Only he has the power to un-break us up. There's no way I'm going to go groveling back to him like some pathetic, brokenhearted little bitch. TAYLOR: Do you still love him? SUMMER: Yeah. There's something wrong with me, huh? TAYLOR: Did he say that he doesn't love you? SUMMER: Now that you mention it, no, he did not. TAYLOR: You see? He's acting out of fear. He's trapped in an anxiety spiral, and in the Rock, Paper, Scissors of romance, love trumps fear. Actually, love trumps everything. SUMMER: So, let's just say, for conversation's sake, I was open to a little scheming. TAYLOR: Well... I have an idea. SETH'S ROOM SETH: You didn't get into Brown, too, did you? Hey, Taylor, what's up? TAYLOR: Listen, I just wanted to let you know that detention today is being held in the student lounge. SETH: And you're telling me this because...? TAYLOR: Because it's my job as a Harbor Student Proctor. I'm supervising detention this week. SETH: How is that any better than having actual detention? TAYLOR: Seth, student lounge. And don't be late, or I will have to give you a tardy. COHEN HOUSE SANDY: Hey, honey. KIRSTEN: You left early this morning, without saying good-bye. SANDY: Well, I didn't want to wake you. KIRSTEN: And last night when you came in? SANDY: It was late. KIRSTEN: I need you home tonight, Sandy. We have to talk. I just feel like we're so disconnected right now. SANDY: You're right. Well, I think I can be home by... by 7:00. KIRSTEN: Thanks. I'll see you then. SANDY: I'll see you. RESTAURANT MATT: You buying again? SANDY: Oh, you should stop celebrating and start packing. I spoke to Griffin. He's not interested in your deal. MATT: That's not what he said. SANDY: You called him? MATT: He called me, actually. He said that you two talked. He understands what he has to do, and he's willing to do it, too. SANDY: And the only thing he's willing to do is go round two on your skull. MATT: He's meeting me tonight with the money. If I give him what he wants, this time next week, I'll be on a beach in Cabo, getting some well-earned R&R. I'm going to start my own business in Chicago. SANDY: He can't be trusted, Matt. If anybody should know that, you should. MATT:I hold all the cards here. SANDY: You willing to bet on that? KEVIN'S PLACE BOY: Yeah, Heather, come on, baby. MARISSA: She's having fun. KEVIN: More than you. MARISSA: Yeah, well, I'm not wasted. KEVIN: That's not bad. BOY: Yeah! Heather, you need another beer. Hey, let me get you a refill, baby. Hey, Heather. Drink it, baby. Drink it up. There you go. Come on, little bit more. Oh, yeah, I like that. I like that a lot. HARBOR SUMMER: Hey. Got ten bucks? SETH: What are you doing? SUMMER: I know you're afraid, Cohen. SETH: Yeah, that you're going to fall... Don't go up there. SUMMER: Your breakup was missing a key ingredient. The only ingredient, really. SETH: Which is? SUMMER: That you don't love me anymore. SETH: Summer... SUMMER: Look... I love you this much, and I want to be with you now, and next year, and whatever comes after that. So I'm asking, in the presence of this coffee cart and the sacred moment that it represents... if you can honestly tell me that you don't love me anymore. SETH: Summer... SUMMER: Just say it. Cohen, if you don't love me, I promise I will go to Brown by myself, and I will be cold and miserable and alone. I will never bother you again. SETH: I don't love you anymore. SUMMER: Oh, my God. SETH: Summer... SUMMER: Just get away from me, okay? Just get out of here, Cohen! TAYLOR: I'm so sorry... SUMMER: I've got to go to detention. KEVIN'S PLACE HEATHER: Where are we going? BOY: Don't worry about it. MARISSA: Hey, Heather. Hey. I'm glad I found you guys. Um, I left my jacket in the van. Volchok said you had the keys. BOY: It's not that cold. MARISSA: Yeah, true, but it's my favorite jacket, so... Hey, get off of me. Heather! BOY: Shut up, bitch! MARISSA: Heather! BOY: Dude, wait your turn! MARISSA: Oh, my God! Get off of her! BOY: What the hell?! MARISSA: Get off of her! Oh, God! Get out! BOY: Guys! Come on, dude. Hey, it's cool, we were just having a little fun. HOTEL RYAN: Yeah! One sec. Hey, Mom. I was going to go look for you at the diner. CHLOE: Well, she wouldn't have been there, because the girls have gone on a serious shopping spree. RYAN: Okay. DAWN: I know this isn't like what Kirsten wears... It's kind of low-cut, a little sparkly, but it's a special occasion. CHLOE: You've got to see it on her. Go put it on. DAWN: Okay. RYAN: Uh, you know what? I, uh, I don't have the time right now. Yeah, yeah, I, uh, I got an earlier flight. Mom, um... I was talking to Seth, and, you know, graduation is just a ceremony. I mean, everybody in those funny hats, a bunch of boring speeches... DAWN: Well, it wouldn't be boring to me. RYAN: Yeah. We were thinking about just blwing it off, you know, getting out of town that weekend. DAWN: Uh, out of... out of town? RYAN: Yeah, but, you know, I mean, you could... come in later in the summer and visit me, or I could come up here... DAWN: But, um... no graduation? RYAN: No. No, I guess not. DAWN: You know, you don't have to lie to me, Ryan, and you don't have to worry about me embarrassing you at your graduation. RYAN: Mom... DAWN: You know what? I may not have been the best mother of the world, but I have never been ashamed of my family. _______ RYAN: Look, you don't know her the way I do, okay? CHLOE: I never said I did. RYAN: It's been the same thing my whole life. She gets clean for a little while, promises she's changed, and then she meets some lowlife, he moves in with her, she bottoms out. CHLOE: How many of these lowlifes did she meet in rehab? Hasn't had a drink in 12 years, pays for their apartment, even fixed up one of his old cars for her. RYAN: Yeah, well, I didn't know that. CHLOE: Didn't want to. Maybe you already made up your mind about him, and about your mom, too. RYAN: I've got to get to the airport. The car's waiting. CHLOE: I'll drive you. After all the trouble I've caused, it's the least I can do. And there's a stop I want to make on the way. COHEN HOUSE PHONE: Hi, this is Sandy Cohen. I can't get to the phone right now, so... PARKING MATT: I see you brought your nurse. GRIFFIN: And your money. MATT: The files are in the back seat of my car. The door's unlocked. You're not gonna send your guy to get them? GRIFFIN: Well, he's not here for the files, Matt. SANDY: Just as well, since there are no files. The only evidence Matt has is of his own bad judgment. GRIFFIN: You expect me to believe this is all a bluff? SANDY: Go check the car yourself. After we spoke, I had your hard drive searched, checked your emails. You never had any evidence. Whatever you think Griffin was up to was based purely on gossip and hearsay. MATT: Yeah, well, I figured if he was guilty, he'd pay up, just to be safe. GRIFFIN: Wasting my time, Ramsey. SANDY: Yeah, think about all the sick people you could be healing. MATT: What's this? SANDY: Your severance. It might not buy you that beach in Cabo, but it'll get you on your feet in Chicago. MATT: I can't take this, not after... SANDY: I put you on this path, Matt. Take it and go. MATT: Sandy? I'm sorry. SANDU: Me, too. COHEN HOUSE SETH: Hey, Mom. KIRSTEN: Hey. Where have you been? It's late. SETH: Uh, Full Metal Yaku is on, and 99 Cycling Swords. KIRSTEN: Those are movies? SETH: I thought a few hours of mindless bloodshed and volence might help k*ll the pain. KIRSTEN: You want to talk? SETH: I was going to actually ask you if you've seen Ryan. KIRSTEN: Not yet. SETH: Okay. KIRSTEN: Everything okay? SETH: Yeah, everything's okay. KIRSTEN: Okay. SETH: Good night. KIRSTEN: Night. RESTAURANT CHLOE: Before you leave, I just want you to know something. You're her whole life, Ryan. DAWN: Uh... Kirsten sent that stuff. She's a real nice lady. Don't worry; my eyes are red from crying, not from drinking. CHLOE: I'll be out there. RYAN: I'm sorry. DAWN: You know, when Sandy came to invite me to your birthday party, I-I really wanted to go. RYAN: But you didn't. DAWN: I wasn't ready. RYAN: I guess I know the feeling. DAWN: But I've been showing up at my meetings, and showing up for work, and... finally picked a decent guy. You probably don't understand how hard it is to hold it together every day. RYAN: I don't know about that. I may live in Newport, but, uh... I'm still your kid, after all. DAWN: So I'm still your mom. RYAN: Yeah. DAWN: If there's a little bit of me in you, then I can't be all bad, right? Promise me you'll remember that. RYAN: I promise. ______ CHLOE: So, I'm sorry... RYAN: It's okay. Your little family intervention seems to have worked. CHLOE: Oh. Then I'm not sorry...for anything that may have happened. RYAN: Me, either. And, uh... But my ride's here. I have a flight to catch. CHLOE: Well, if everything works out at graduation, maybe we'll see some more of you. RYAN: All right, yeah. Sounds good. CHLOE: Okay. ROBERTS HOUSE MARISSA: Mom? JULIE: Marissa, honey. SUMMER'S ROOM TAYLOR: You want me to whip up another round of frappuccinos? They say chocolate and sugar send endorphins to your brain. Come on, tell me you feel better. SUMMER: He doesn't love me. POOLHOUSE SETH: Welcome back, buddy. How was your mom? RYAN: Coming to graduation. You really waiting here to ask about my mom? SETH: I think I made the worst mistake of my entire life. Now I need to get Summer back, and I have to get into Brown. RYAN: Great. How? SETH: That's where you come in. RYAN: We need a plan? SETH: It's going to be a long night, Ryan. A lot of whining, a lot of pining. Maybe some brainstorming. You don't mind? RYAN: It's good to be home. All right, how are we going to get you Summer back? SETH: Plan A. RYAN: Yeah. SETH: I fake my own death. You never want to underestimate the power of the sympathy vote. RYAN: Is there a plan B? SETH: Yeah, yeah, uh, I could hack in... through the Brown firewall into the, uh, Admissions Office mainframe and reverse my acceptance. RYAN: Wow, that's actually a good idea. You know how to do that? SETH: I had an uncle who went to Devry.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x21 - The Dawn Patrol"}	foreverdreaming
COHEN HOUSE SETH: You taking all that? You only own, like, a wife beater and two hoodies. RYAN: I'm sorry, okay, I don't know what people wear to prospective students weekend, so I just brought everything. SETH: I'm packing light. Want to be free and easy for pre-frosh weekend. RYAN: Even though you're not a pre-freshman? SETH: It's called "pre-frosh," Ryan, and if I'm going to go there, I need you to get the lingo. SETH: Don't give me that sideways look. You were way into this plan when we came up with it. RYAN: That's 'cause we only had the beginning. So, um... you're going to fly to Brown... SETH: And then I will somehow get them to admit me. Yeah, I don't have the, uh, the details yet, but... Brown's a spiritual place. I'll go, I'll get a vibe. Maybe I'll bump into the ghost of old man Brown or whoever they named the school after. RYAN: Seth, you know Summer's going to be there. SETH: I don't know that for sure. RYAN: Every student at Harbor is going to their college this weekend. I'm sure she's going to be there. SETH: So, it's not like we'll run into each other. We're going to a land of pasty Jewish kids. For once, I'll blend right in. RYAN: Yeah? And your flight? SETH: Booked a ticket connecting through Chattanooga. Totally inconvenient, no way she'll be on it. RYAN: Look, I just don't want to see you get deeper into this mess, okay? SETH: Dude, you're going to Berkeley with your ex-girlfriend. KIRSTEN: You ready to go? College calls. RYAN: Uh, yeah. Think we're all set. KIRSTEN: Just think... the next time we send you two off like this, it'll be for real. RYAN: I'll only be a few hours away. KIRSTEN: What about you, going all the way to the East Coast? If I wasn't so proud of you, I'd be angry at you for... SETH: All right, all right, we got planes to catch. KIRSTEN: Okay, let's go. RYAN: Where's Sandy? KIRSTEN: Uh, he had an early meeting. He said to say good-bye. SETH: That's weird, the man lives for the airport sendoff. KIRSTEN: Well, I guess it was an important meeting. AIRPORT SETH: All right, well, my gate's this way. KIRSTEN: Call when you get there. SETH: Yeah. All right, bring it in. We can save the hug for later. RYAN: Yeah, okay. SETH: See you Sunday. RYAN: Okay. KIRSTEN: And what about you? Are you okay? RYAN: Uh, I'm a little nervous actually. KIRSTEN: Ryan, Berkeley's going to be a breeze. I mean, you conquered Newport, and this town isn't exactly known for its hospitality. RYAN: Yeah, but I had you and I had Seth and Sandy. KIRSTEN: Hey, you did this. You earned your future. Enjoy it. RYAN: All right, thanks. KIRSTEN: Have a wonderful time and call when you get there. RYAN: Okay, I will. ______ THERESA: Hey. NANNY: Hey, Theresa. THERESA: Here you go. NANNY: I'll take that. THERESA: Can I borrow that sparkly scarf? NANNY: Sure. GENERIC MARISSA'S ROOM SUMMER: What am I thinking? Kids at Brown don't wear sparkly scarves. Maybe on my way to the airport, I'll stop and get some kind of angry looking piercing. MARISSA: Sum, you should just dress like yourself. SUMMER: This is all wrong. MARISSA: What, the scarf? SUMMER: No, this, all of this. Me going to Brown without Cohen. You going to Berkeley without Ryan. MARISSA: I'm going to Berkeley with Ryan, I'm just not going with him. SUMMER: Yeah, which is even weirder. MARISSA: Well, maybe it's a blessing in disguise. You know, this way we're forced to focus on the future. And we can start doing that this weekend. SUMMER: Hmm, big talk coming from the girl who chucked her acceptance letter in the garbage. MARISSA: Yeah, well, I was going through something. SUMMER: Is "something" code for having an affair with an almost homeless surfer dude? And does your past tense imply it's over? MARISSA: Look, whatever I was doing with Volchok... SUMMER: I don't need details. MARISSA: I'm not doing it anymore. In fact, after today, I probably won't ever see him again. SUMMER: What do you mean after today? MARISSA: Well, he texted me to say I left some stuff at his place, and I told him I would stop by and pick it up before I left. SUMMER: Hmm, no, you won't. Saying your last good-bye with his dirty mattress in plain sight? That is breakup sex waiting to happen. MARISSA: Have you no faith in me at all? SUMMER: 48 hours ago, Coop, you were Newport's Courtney Love. Baby steps. MARISSA: Fine. I'll just tell him to meet me at the diner. You know what? You should take this with you to Brown. They're going to love you, just so long as you be yourself. SUMMER: Talk about clichéd advice. I can say things like that, now that I'm smart. ROBERTS HOUSE NEIL: Here you go, my love. SUMMER: Hey. MARISSA: Hey. NEIL: You sure you don't want a ride to the airport now? SUMMER: Oh, no, we got it. But we could use your muscle to help get our bags in the trunk. NEIL: Muscle. Guess I still got it. JULIE: Marissa, honey, you know, it's not too late for me to go with you. I promise, I wouldn't embarrass you. I could pretend to be part of your entourage, or your Scientology guide. MARISSA: Mom, you don't have to worry, okay? JULIE: Kids go crazy at college. You've seen Girls Gone Wild. MARISSA: Yeah, I lived it. Not the topless part. But don't worry, I've got all that partying out of my system. I really do want something different from this. JULIE: Well, the Cooper women do have nine lives. I'm just glad you're on to your next one. NEIL: Summer's waiting. Bye, Marissa. MARISSA: Bye. I'll see you guys in a few days. Bye, Mom. JULIE: Have fun. Okay, did a priest just break in here and perform an exorcism? NEIL: I don't know, but she's definitely out of the woods. JULIE: Well, it's just you and me this weekend. What should we do? I could call the Montage. NEIL: I can't, darling. I've got that dinner tomorrow night. Retirement party for the head of surgery. JULIE: Oh, right, well, then, thank God for Netflix. NEIL: Julie, are you ever going to come to one of these with me? JULIE: Why? So the women can gossip about me after I leave? NEIL: Now why would anyone want to gossip about you? Honey, I don't get it. You throw all of these parties for the dating service. JULIE: Well, I have Kirsten then. She's my wing woman. NEIL: So, invite Kirsten and Sandy. He can network with the doctors, and she can... wing woman. It'd mean a lot to me. JULIE: Then I'm there. BERKELEY WES: Ryan Atwood. RYAN: Oh, hey. WES: Sorry I'm late, man. RYAN: No, no worries. WES: Wes Siefert, your freshman buddy. RYAN: Yeah, nice to meet you. WES: You need a hand? RYAN: No, no, I'm good. WES: Trust me, we've seen better days. Come on, I'll show you the dorm. RYAN: Okay. WES: Hope you don't mind an inflatable mattress. RYAN: No, sounds good. WES: I saw on your profile you're from Newport. Did you go to Harbor ? RYAN: Uh, yeah, you know it? WES: Yeah, a few guys in my poly-sci club went there. You play water polo? RYAN: Uh, no, no. You know what? Actually, I'm not really from Newport. I mean, I am, but up until the last two years, I was, uh, I was living in Chino. Uh, I guess I figured I needed to get that out of the way. WES: I think you'll be okay. RYAN: What do you mean? WES: I got one roommate from Bangladesh, the other one's from Partridge, Kansas, population 300. So, there's no mold here. It's pretty easy to fit in. RYAN: Ah, I guess I'm not really used to that. COFFEE SHOP MARISSA: Hey. Summer's waiting and I've got a plane to catch. So do you have my stuff? KEVIN: No. MARISSA: What? Why? KEVIN: Tell me why you all of a sudden up and bailed. MARISSA: I really never thought of you as the possessive type. KEVIN: I just want to know what happened. MARISSA: It's what you already know. You and me, we have nothing in common. KEVIN: Right. You got money and I don't. Same old story. MARISSA: No, it's not like that. You really want to know? When I was little, my sister and I used to always watch The Sound of Music. KEVIN: Yeah, sorry, I must have missed that one. MARISSA: Okay, well, there's this girl in it, Liesl, and I always used to think I was going to grow up to be just like her. You know, I'd have the really cute boyfriend, that looked like her boyfriend. And our lives would be just like the scene where they're... they're standing in the gazebo and singing to each other. Then I grew up, and... and I found myself doing coke and sleeping with a guy who I'd never had one real conversation with. I know it sounds cheesy, but I'm just not ready to give up on the Sound of Music thing. Not yet. KEVIN: Well, good luck with that. I'll be sure to drop off your stuff. NEWPORT GROUP SANDY: No, it's not going to be a problem, I promise you. Look... Hey, hey, hey. Let me get back to you, all right? I was just about to get some lunch. You want to go out? KIRSTEN: Uh, I only have a minute. SANDY: I am so sorry about the other night. I tried to call you. KIRSTEN: I came about something else. When I was at the airport this morning, I saw Ryan's ex-girlfriend Theresa. SANDY: How's she doing? KIRSTEN: She had a baby with her, a boy, looked about two. SANDY: You think it might be Ryan's? KIRSTEN: I think it's possible. SANDY: You spoke to her? KIRSTEN: No. SANDY: Well, then for all you know, he could be her cousin or her nephew. KIRSTEN: I saw the way she was with him, the way she picked him up-- she's a mother. SANDY: Yeah, well, she told Ryan that she lost their baby, so... what are you saying, she lied? KIRSTEN: I just think we should tell him what I saw. We've always been honest with him, that's why he trusts us. SANDY: Oh, honey, let's keep it to ourselves. At least until he gets back. BROWN RYAN: Hey, Seth. SETH: Hey, man, how's Berkeley? RYAN: It's cold and wet and pretty cool. I can't believe I'm actually on a college campus. SETH: Ryan, I am touching ivy right now. RYAN: What? SETH: Real ivy. It grows on the buildings here. Those pictures in the brochure-- they are not Photoshopped. RYAN: Ah! I take it you're in the middle of the quad right now? SETH: Yeah. dad center. RYAN: Pretty stuff. I can't imagine anyone actually seeing you there. SETH: I know, I know. It's a Summer haunt, but I had to come visit campus for a few minutes. RYAN: And it's perfect? SETH: Man, it's better than perfect. Seth Cohen has come home to roost. ANNA: Cohen? RYAN: Who's that? SETH: I don't know. I'm too afraid to turn around. Anna? ______ SETH: So... Newport v. Pittsburgh. Who would win in a Smackdown? ANNA: For me, Pittsburgh. SETH: Come on. You miss Newport. The sun and the surf. The surgery. ANNA: They have not perfected the chin implant in Pittsburgh, but I am optimistic. SETH: Mocking Newport with Anna Stern. That is one of my favorite pastimes. ANNA: Mine, too. But I did get a small taste when Atomic County came out. SETH: Hey, you saw my comic? ANNA: I was so proud of you. SETH: Thanks. ANNA: But I do have a few notes on my character Punky Spitfire. SETH: Okay. ANNA: And that mobisode was hilarious. SETH: What the hell is a mobisode? ANNA: You don't know? I thought it was your comic. SETH: Oh. Yeah, it was, but I traded it to a guy named Zach Stevens in exchange for Summer. ANNA: How romantic. How are you guys? SETH: Great. Uh... yeah, great. SETH: Great. ANNA: Great. Tell her I say hi. SETH: I will. I wouldn't want her to get the wrong idea about us bumping into each other out here. ANNA: I know, it does kind of seem like fate. SETH: Yeah. Not exactly. ANNA: Oh, ouch. SETH: No. What I mean is-- and, um, the only other person who knows this is Ryan, so... I am not officially admitted here. ANNA: You didn't get in?! SETH: Shut up. No, I didn't. That's why I'm out here this weekend; I'm trying to get in. ANNA: And how do you plan on doing that? SETH: I haven't quite nailed that down yet, but now that I've run into you, who, if I remember correctly, is not only sage but wise. ANNA: And you want me to come up with some hair-brained scheme to, what, smuggle you into college? SETH: Yes, please. For me? Listen, it's fate. You said it yourself. ANNA: All right. There's a Meet the Faculty reception here tonight. I assume Dr. Overbee will be there. SETH: That's the admissions dude. ANNA: You can try talking to him. SETH: And I will say what? ANNA: You're the one who flew all the way out here, because you want to go here so badly. Don't you think that you should come up with that speech yourself? COHEN HOUSE JULIE: What are you doing tomorrow night? No plans? Good. You're going to Neil's dinner with all the doctors. Sandy can do some recruiting for the new hospital. You and I can sit in the corner and gossip. A fun time will be had by all. KIRSTEN: Actually, I'm busy. JULIE: Kiki... All you ever do is sit in this house and drink tea. I mean, what's the real reason? KIRSTEN: Sandy and I have ht a bit of a rough patch. JULIE: Oh. What happened? KIRSTEN: It's complicated. Suffice it to say, I'm not a huge fan of this hospital project. JULIE: Well, are you a huge fan of me? 'Cause, you know, I'm just saying, if you need a reason to go, you're looking at one. KIRSTEN: You don't need me to do this. JULIE: Yeah, Kirsten, I do. You know, ever since Caleb died, the only way I've been able to navigate through these Newpsie-infested waters is with you by my side. Please, Kirsten. I want Dr. Roberts' doctor friends to like me. KIRSTEN: Fine. But I'm only doing this for you. JULIE: Thank you. I owe you one. Or, you know, maybe it's more than one. But who's counting? Okay, see you tomorrow. BERKELEY MIGUEL: So your dad's in jail? RYAN: Yeah, yeah. MIGUEL: I've got a dad, one brother and two uncles locked up. RYAN: You win. WES: Miguel's the first in his family to go to college, too. RYAN: Really? Let me ask you, ever feel out of place here? MIGUEL: Oh, all the time. But, look, as long as I keep my grades up, I figure, I belong here as much as anyone else. One day, Wes here is gonna get my brother out of jail. Yeah, Supreme Court Justice. WES: That's just a pipe dream. I'll be happy if I pass the bar. RYAN: No, that's amazing. WES: Oh, speaking of amazing. And she's headed this way. MARISSA: Hi. RYAN: Hi. WES: You two know each other? MARISSA: We were in the same class. RYAN: Yeah, at Harbor. Uh, this is Miguel. MIGUEL: Hi. MARISSA: Hi. RYAN: And Wes, my freshman buddy. WES: Yeah, speaking of buddies, where's yours? MARISSA: Oh, mine is a vegan, and she's boycotting this, 'cause of the turkey on your plate. WES: What can you do, right? So you're all alone, huh? MARISSA: Yeah, but I'm fine, no worries. See you guys around. MIGUEL: Okay, there's definitely a story there. WES: Oh, yeah. MIGUEL: And it's not "We went to Harbor together." RYAN: Yeah, yeah, we dated, on and off for two and a half years. That'll do it. WES: Yeah. She seems nice. And lonely. RYAN: Well, listen, if you want to go talk to her... WES: Hey, hey, she's your ex, I'm your buddy. Not a good mix. RYAN: No, honestly. I'm gonna be in college with her, so I've got to get used to it. Really, go for it. WES: Sure you don't mind? RYAN: No. MIGUEL: So... let me tell you about Rush week. BROWN ANNA: Okay, look, there he is-- Dr. Overbee, Head of Admissions. What? What? SETH: Nothing, I'm just looking around. ANNA: Why are you acting like a fugitive? SETH: Uh, no, no, I'm just trying to stay under the radar. You never know who's gonna be at these things. ANNA: Well, focus. Have you thought about what you're gonna say to him? SETH: Uh, probably just gonna riff. You know? Uh, we're both dudes. I mean, even though he's got a bow tie and probably like nine Ph.D.s, underneath, I'm sure we're pretty much the same. ANNA: Could you maybe think of some talking points? SETH: Okay, shh. He's by himself. This is my moment. ____ SETH: Dr. Overbee. OVERBEE: Hi. ____ BOY: The fact is, the U.S. has been performing its own jihads for decades. Just instead of Allah, the klling is done in the name of oil. GIRL: Totally. SUMMER: You guys, what is a jihad? BOY: Exactly. GIRL: Way to reframe the question, Summer. ____ OVERBEE: What was your name again? SETH: Seth Cohen. You may remember me from my application essay on Superman. Lonely guy, Superman. OERBEE: I don't recall it at the moment, but if you're here today, I trust it was exceptional. SETH: Yeah, about that. Do you have a minute? You maybe want to take a walk, stretch your legs? OVERBEE: I'm sorry, this is a faculty reception, I have to be here. I should make the rounds. It was nice to meet you. SETH: Dr. Overbee, please. I really need to talk to you. If you can't do it now, name the time and place. All I need is five minutes. OVERBEE: I suppose I could see you here tomorrow around 5:00? SETH: Great, thank you so much. Thank you so much. SUMMER: Cohen? SETH: Oh, hey. What's going on? SUMMER: What the hell are you doing here? SETH: Ah... Providence in spring, can't bat it. SUMMER: So you are going to Brown. You just didn't want to come with me. ANNA: How'd it go? SUMMER: Anna. ANNA: Summer. SETH: You're probably really confused right about now. SUMMER: No, not at all. All of this, everything you've done up until now, finally makes sense. BERKELEY WES: So you and Ryan dated for how long? MARISSA: Couple years. But we've both been with other people since then. It's not exactly normal yet, but we're working on it. So where is Ryan anyway? WES: Tour of the architecture building. I never set foot in there, so I couldn't really show him around. MARISSA: Where do you hang out? WES: Poly-sci building. Sexy, right? It's my major. I'm just hoping it gets me into law school. MARISSA: My dad was a poly-sci major. No, you kind of remind me of him a little bit. The good parts, at least. WES: Well, if that's a compliment, I'll take it. MARISSA: It is. One second. WES: Hey, Ryan. RYAN: Hey. MARISSA: Hi. RYAN: I didn't know you were gonna be here. MARISSA: Yeah, I hope it's not weird that I am. I don't really know what the rules are between us. RYAN: Oh, me either. MARISSA: So I know the whole friendship thing didn't really work out in Newport, but... RYAN: That was Newport, you know? Everything feels different here. I'm willing to try. MARISSA: Hmm. Well, I don't know. You know, 'cause if I was in your circle of friends, I might accidentally let it slip that you used to do musicals. RYAN: I have enough dirt on you to last the next four years, so bring it on. MARISSA: That might be true. Anyway, you want to come sit with me and Wes? I want to hear about your architecture tour. RYAN: Really? MARISSA: Yeah. BROWN ANNA: Seth, it's okay. SETH: I'm sorry, I should have told you I was on a Summer mission. ANNA: Yeah, well, I should have known it. But I can't be mad at you when you're this pathetic. SETH: Thank you. ANNA: Now stop wallowing, and let's figure out how we're gonna get you out of this. SETH: Why do you want to help me? ANNA: It's the pathetic thing. It really works on me. Okay, look, here's a list of tomorrow's pre-frosh activities. Try and figure out which ones Summer might go to. SETH: I don't know. She's never been much of a joiner. Maybe the walking tour; she likes cardio. ANNA: Oh, good, you can go to that, you can talk to her. But now we've got to figure out what you're gonna say to Dr. Overbee. SETH: I don't know. If he didn't like my Superman essay, I'm out. ANNA: Seth, you flew all this way to win her back. Now have you five minutes with Dr. Overbee to make it happen. We're gonna write the speech. SETH: What have I done the last two years without you? ANNA: Honestly... I don't know. COHEN HOUSE SANDY: Hey. I got your message about the hospital dinner. KIRSTEN: Tomorrow night. Can you make it? SANDY: Absolutely. Maybe I can get some of these doctors excited about the new hospital. Hey! Ryan! How are my old stomping grounds? I'm happy to hear that. Hey, listen, you know what? I got a call that I got to take here. It's work. I'm going to hand you off to Kirsten, all right? Have fun. Hello. KIRSTEN: Hey, how's it going? RYAN: Hey, Kirsten, it's, um, it's actually kind of amazing. How are you? KIRSTEN: Fine. I'm good, fine. RYAN: You don't sound fine. KIRSTEN: Don't be silly. Tell me more about college. RYAN: Kirsten, what's going on? KIRSTEN: It can wait till you get home. RYAN: Okay, so there is something. KIRSTEN: It's really... it-it's not... it's not important. RYAN: Then you won't mind telling me what is it. KIRSTEN: I-I don't want you to overreact because that's probably what I am doing. I saw Theresa at the airport. She had a baby with her. It looked like her son. RYAN: An-And you think? KIRSTEN: I don't know what I think. BROWN ANNA: There she is. Now, remember, you're just gonna tell her the truth. SETH: Right. ANNA: Yes. SETH: Okay, all of it. ____ SETH: Summer, can I talk to you? SUMMER: Just leave me alone, Cohen. JACK: Hey, everyone. Hello. My name is Jack. I'm a hm here at Brown, and I'll be leading this walking tour. So long as everyone's got their name tags, we can get started. SETH: Look, I want to explain to you about everything. JACK: Uh, you in the, uh, striped shirt-- do you have a name tag? SETH: Uh... yeah. Yeah, I do. I'm all set. JACK: Kumar? Your-Your name is Kumar? SETH: Yes. Kumar Zimmerman. I'm half Indian, I am half Jewish. I am a Hin-Jew. JACK: Well, good, good then. Um, well, come, everyone, right this way. Now to our left, we've got the main dining hall... SETH: Ever since we got our acceptance letters, I've been acting like a freak, I know that. SUMMER: Does this tour offer an audio option? You know, like when you get headsets at the museum? JACK: No. To the right, we have... SETH: Summer, you can't just ignore me forever. SUMMER: Oh, yes, I can. Don't you remember middle school? I was really good at ignoring you. Now, I'm just getting back into shape. SETH: Look, I promise you, I did not know Anna was going to be here. JACK: Hey, Kumar. Kumar, do you want to keep it down? SETH: Yeah, sorry. You're probably wondering about the Kumar thing. Uh, again, if you let me explain, I promise you it will all make sense. SUMMER: Oh, no. It already makes sense, okay? I don't need any explanation. You broke up with me 'cause you wanted to be free to date smart women in college. You got quite the head start. SETH: Summer, that is so not it. SUMMER: Look, you already ruined senior year for me. There's nothing I can do about that now. I'm not going to let you ruin college, too. Now will you please just leave me alone? Please! COHEN HOUSE RYAN: Hi. KIRSTEN: Ryan. RYAN: I couldn't stay. KIRSTEN: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you. RYAN: No, no. I'm glad you did. It's funny. In a way, I was kind of expecting it. I mean, for once things were uncomplicated. How long could that last, right? KIRSTEN: Well, maybe it's not. RYAN: Yeah, yeah, I know. KIRSTEN: Whatever is going on with Theresa, we'll get to the bottom of it. I did some research on the Internet, and I found her address. RYAN: Oh, great, thanks. I'm going to put this in the pool house. KIRSTEN: Ryan, no matter what happens, we're behind you. BROWN SETH: Dr. Overbee, you made it. OVERBEE: Yes. Well, as I said, I've only got five minutes. SETH: Sure, sure, okay. You're a busy guy, and I have a tendency to ramble, which is why I've prepared this statement. Dr. Overbee, the following is a list of reasons why I should have gotten into Brown. OVERBEE: Wait a minute. You didn't get in? SETH: No, I didn't, but only because I'm sure there was some sort of clerical error, or maybe a human error. Maybe the computer froze. OVERBEE: Mr. Cohen, I was under the impression you were an admitted student. That's why I came to meet you. SETH: I know. But will you please just listen to me, and if you still don't want to let me in, at least I'll know I tried? OVERBEE: Okay. You have one minute. SETH: Then I'm going to have to sort of, uh, condense this, maybe make it more of a bllet point thing. Grades-- 3.8. Hmm? Uh, SATs-- 2250. That's not perfect, but I would say it's respectable. I was President of the Comic Book Club. I was also a member of the chess team, although I was extremely low-profile about it. OVERBEE: 30 seconds. SETH: Okay. Now, here's the part about how I belong on the East Coast, and... This is a little joke about the weather here, just to keep it light. It's pretty funny. And, uh... I guess that's about it. OVERBEE: That was compelling. But you misled me, and you wasted my time. So now I trust you'll show yourself off campus. SETH: Dr. Overbee, I have to get in here. Okay? And it's not just because I love it, although I do, I truly... I do. It's because of a girl. Her name is Summer Roberts, and she's going here, and if I don't get in, I'm going to lose her, and the rest of my life is going to be ruined. OVERBEE: So this is about a girl? SETH: Yes. It's about the girl. Do you get it? OVERBEE: I do. But we make commitments when we send out those letters, and for better or for worse, we stick to them. SETH: Please? OVERBEE: I wish I could help you, but you're going to have to do this yourself. Good luck. COHEN HOUSE SANDY: Ryan, I thought you weren't getting home until tomorrow. RYAN: Uh, Kirsten didn't tell you? SANDY: No, no, she didn't. RYAN: Yeah, I kind of figured I needed to get home and deal with this. SANDY: Right, right, of course. RYAN: You know, in case it turns out to be... SANDY: We'll cross that bridge if and when we come to it. RYAN: Yeah, yeah. Okay. SANDY: All right. KIRSTEN AND SANDY' ROOM SANDY: You told him. KIRSTEN: I didn't think he'd come home. SANDY: Well, you know Ryan better than that. KIRSTEN: It just happened, you weren't there, you had to take a business call. SANDY: Oh, so you told Ryan about Theresa to punish me? KIRSTEN: I told him because he asked, because he has a right to know. SANDY: Theresa hasn't demanded anything of him, why should we? KIRSTEN: Being a father is important. Being a family is important. There was a time when you'd be making this argument. SANDY: What's that supposed to mean? KIRSTEN: You know what I'm talking about. SANDY: I know that we have to talk about this some more, and I can't right now. I got to go back to the office before dinner. KIRSTEN: It'll have to wait, fine. BERKELEY MARISSA: Oh, hey. WES: Hey. MARISSA: Here, let me help you. WES: Thank you. Oh, thanks. Staying dry? MARISSA: Yeah. Here. WES: Thanks. So, we are having some people back to our place later. You want to come by? MARISSA: Oh, well, I was supposed to go to a freshman barbecue, but considering the rain, I could be persuaded otherwise. WES: Good. You'll come over then. MARISSA: Hey, where's Ryan? WES: Uh, left this morning. MARISSA: He went home? WES: Yeah, some family emergency. Uh, it didn't seem like he wanted to talk about it, so, I didn't push it. MARISSA: Well, I should call him. Or shouldn't I? I don't know. Should I give him space? WES: It's not easy being friends with your ex, is it? Look, you know Ryan better than I do, but... seems like whatever was happening, it was private. He'll tell you if he wants. MARISSA: I guess so. WES: Well, this thing is getting heavy. MARISSA: Is that a hint? WES: Yeah, thanks. Here, I'll switch. MARISSA: Okay, here. WES: There we go. HOTEL RYAN: Hi. I'm looking for Theresa. Is she home? NANNY: Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Diaz won't be home until later. Can I help you? RYAN: I'm... Ryan Atwood. I'm an old friend. NANNY: Say hi, Daniel. RYAN: Hi, Daniel. This is Theresa's kid, huh? NANNY: Yeah. She's a terrific mom. I'll be sure to tell her that you stopped by. RYAN: Okay. NANNY: Okay. Bye. BERKELEY WES: Having a good time? MARISSA: Yeah. It seems like everyone is. WES: Yeah, wait till tomorrow. Come Sunday, all these people will be fighting for study carrels in the library. MARISSA: That's got to be tough. WES: Not everyone can handle it. I couldn't anyway. MARISSA: You? Please. You're like the model freshman. WES: You should have seen me last year. The truth is, this is my second sab at freshman year. Last go around didn't go so well. MARISSA: Why, what happened? WES: Uh, let's see. 1.5 GPA, too much partying. Went home after a few months. Realized I had to figure out what I wanted from college. MARISSA: I never would have guessed. WES: Well, not all pre-freshman are as g*n ho as you. MARISSA: You bought that? WES: What, that was an act? MARISSA: Well, it wouldn't have been two years ago. I was the girl on yearbook, charity league, social chair-- whatever my mom told me to do. I got straight As... sometimes a "B" in math, but my dad was a whiz, so he'd help me. And then on the weekends, I rode my little sister's pony for fun. I even won some blue ribbons. WES: And then... what happened? MARISSA: Well, my dad lost all his money... the pony lost all its hair, and my mom kind of lost her mind. Also, I got kicked out of school, and my friend died. I guess everything happened. And then at some point, I just... stopped being the girl who belonged at college... or anywhere, for that matter. WES: Everyone belongs somewhere. MARISSA: Maybe not everyone. Maybe some people just get lost. POOLHOUSE RYAN: I won't know anything till I talk to Theresa. I'm just... just going to have to wait. SETH: Yeah, well, not to worry. I'm on the next flight home. I'm just waiting on my cab. RYAN: Seth, you don't have to come home early on my account. SETH: Oh, there are a lot of reasons, trust me. See you when I get home. BROWN ANNA: Get in. SETH: Hey. ANNA: Hey. SETH: Are you giving me a ride to the airport? ANNA: Eventually. SETH: My plane leaves in, like, an hour or so. ANNA: Well, that is just enough time to make a quick stop at RISD. SETH: You mean the Rhode Island School of Design? ANNA: You're going to apply, and this is your application. SETH: Where'd you get this? ANNA: I, uh... I had my mom FedEx it. You know, just in case The Ironist failed and Dr. Overbee didn't go for the quick quips and pop-culture-laden bromides. No, I have an in there: my cousin. SETH: Anna... ANNA: Hmm? If you get in, you'll be in the same state as Summer, and the good news is, it is a very small state. SETH: I know, I know, but that's, like, one of the best art schools in the country, and as much as I love the face-to-face college rejection, I think I should just cut my losses on this one. ANNA: Cohen. SETH: Yeah? ANNA: Confidence, remember? SETH: Right. ANNA: Good. All right, we're going to RISD. RESTAURANT JULIE: Kiki, you made it. NEIL: Hey, here's the man of the hour. SANDY: It's good to see you, Neil. NEIL: Hi, Sandy. SANDY: Hey, Julie. JULIE: Hey. NEIL: Kirsten, you look lovely. KIRSTEN: Thank you. NEIL: Would you ladies excuse us? Some doctors want to meet this fella. SANDY: That'd be great. Excuse me. JULIE: Uh-oh, what's wrong? KIRSTEN: Long story. JULIE: Oh... and now you have to watch him work the crowd all night, and it's because of me. KIRSTEN: No, Julie, it's okay. I wouldn't have bailed on you. JULIE: Okay, well, then let me return the favor. Come on, let's go hide out by the crab dip. Maybe we could flirt with one of the bartenders. COHEN HOUSE MARISSA: Hi. RYAN: Hey. MARISSA: I just wanted to see if you were okay. RYAN: Yeah. You, uh... you bailed early, too, huh? MARISSA: Yeah. RYAN: Come in. So Berkeley didn't live up to the hype? MARISSA: Yeah, well, it's not really Berkeley's fault. I was sort of asking a lot of it. RYAN: To take you away from every problem you've ever had here? MARISSA: Something like that. So, you don't have to tell me, but... RYAN: Oh, it's Theresa. She did have a baby. MARISSA: Oh, my God. RYAN: I haven't talked to her yet, so I'm not sure... if I'm the father or not. MARISSA: Well, what makes you think you're the father and not Eddie? RYAN: Uh, because when I was at Berkeley, I... I just felt like I was living somebody else's life, and, um, then I heard the news, and... I don't know. It's like, boom, back to being me. MARISSA: But when you were at Berkeley, it felt right, didn't it? I could see it on your face. RYAN: Yeah, yeah, it did. MARISSA: Well, then you'll get back there... no matter what happens with Theresa. RESTAURANT SANDY: Hello, everyone. As the new guy in these circles, I'd like to thank Neil and Julie for inviting us here tonight, and I'd like to welcome you all to lend your talent and expertise to the new hospital, because I am going to need all the help I can get. As you know, behind every successful man is a very surprised woman. I'd like you to meet the former head of the Newport Group and really the brains behind the organization, my lovely wife, Kirsten Cohen. NEIL: Kirsten, how do you think your husband is doing running the Newport Group? NEIL: I guess she's still surprised. KIRSTEN: I'd like to propose a toast. To Sandy Cohen...who has told me countless times over the last year how important this hospital is to him. JULIE: Ouch. KIRSTEN: You know, they say that when you grow up, you marry your father. I thought I'd escaped that. ROBERTS HOUSE MARISSA: Seth is going to Brown, and he's dating Anna? SUMMER: I know! Is your brain exploding? MARISSA: A little. How did he explain himself? SUMMER: He didn't. Okay, well, he tried to, but you know how I get, Coop. The rage makes it hard to talk, let alone listen. MARISSA: Well, I mean, don't assume anything until you hear what he has to say. You don't know for sure they're dating. SUMMER: So how was Berkeley? Was it amazing? MARISSA: Yeah. I mean, it could be... if I was ready for it. I just don't know that I am. SUMMER: Well, I believe in you, Coop. I'll see you in eight short hours, okay? MARISSA: Okay. Bye. AIRPORT ANNA: I am beyond happy for you right now. I'm like, uh, Christmas-morning, won-the-lottery level happy for you. SETH: Well, the RISD guy only said he was impressed. ANNA: Mm-mm, he said very impressed, and in scenarios like these, verys are important. SETH: Well, if I get in, it's all 'cause of you. ANNA: No. It's your comic book. And your plane's about to leave. SETH: Well, thank you, really. All right. ANNA: Okay. See you soon. Call me. SETH: Will do. COHEN HOUSE THERESA: Ryan. RYAN: Hi. THERESA: I don't know how you found me. RYAN: Uh, look, I just need to know. THERESA: He's not yours, Ryan. Eddie's the father. We got a paternity test and everything. I'm sorry that I wasn't honest with you, but I saw how your life opened up when you met the Cohens, and I... RYAN: Is Eddie helping you out? THERESA: Are you kidding? That bum. RYAN: I would've, you know, for what it's worth. THERESA: I know that. RYAN: Even if it hadn't have been mine. THERESA: I know, that's why I didn't tell you. But believe it or not, I'm doing okay on my own. RYAN: Yeah, seems like it. THERESA: Yeah. RYAN: I saw the apartment. THERESA: Yeah, I got a job at this hotel, and then I got promoted and I got promoted again and again, and suddenly, I have myself a career. RYAN: And a kid: Daniel. THERESA: Yeah. RYAN: How is he? THERESA: How much time do you have? RYAN: I don't know. You want to go grab a bite and tell me about him? THERESA: Yeah, I'd like that. RYAN: Yeah? THERESA: Yeah. It's good to see you again, Ryan. RYAN: Yeah, it's good to see you.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x22 - The College Try"}	foreverdreaming
JETTY SETH: It's senior prom; it's mythic. RYAN: Yeah, well, it's ties and dresses and photos with parents. Sounds like any other dance to me. SETH: Well, it's not. It's a romantic capstone to your entire adolescence, and if Summer and I don't go together, it's over. RYAN: Well, ask her. SETH: Oh, she's still not talking to me. RYAN: Well, have you told her there's nothing going on between you and Anna? SETH: I tried, but every time we get close, she blows her rpe whistle. RYAN: rpe. Well, you know, I'm not going, so, if you, uh... if you want to hang out, rent a movie... SETH: Ryan, I love you, but if I have to spend my senior prom playing video games with you, I'm going to kll myself. Besides, I left Summer a message telling her I'm going to meet her at the diner tomorrow morning. RYAN: You think she'll show? SETH: Kind of pretended I was the Brown admissions guy. It's senior prom; anything goes. Hi, there. WAITRESS: Hi. What's it going to be? SETH: Chicken, please. RYAN: And I'll have the beef. SETH: Why aren't you going to ask someone, man? What about Tina Woo-- she's been looking really hot lately. What about Theresa? RYAN: Uh, yeah, I don't think so. SETH: Why? You said you've been spending a lot of time with her. RYAN: We have. Actually, she's coming over to the house tomorrow. SETH: Okay, great-- now that the baby thing's resolved, the pressure's off. It's perfect. Do it. RYAN: But, I mean, she still has the baby. She can't just, you know... SETH: One night. They have these new crazy things called baby-sitters. I'm just saying, it's senior prom. She's your childhood sweetheart. You have to respect the romantic symmetry. RYAN: You know what? I'll think about it and I appreciate you not bringing up the idea of Marissa and I going as friends. SETH: No, I get it. It's in the past. RYAN: Plus, I assume she'll be going with the surf nzi anyways, unless he's selling crack to blind kids, or... SETH: or fondling some girl at the end of the pier. Ah, maybe that's his cousin. His really... dirty cousin. GENERIC COFFEE SHOP SUMMER: Hi. Leave. SETH:Okay, Summer... SUMMER: No, I'm meeting someone here. You need to leave. SETH: The Brown guy? SUMMER: How did you know that? SETH: I'm sorry. It was just the only way I could get you to meet me. SUMMER: You are sick, you know that? Deranged. COHEN' HOUSE THERESA: No. RYAN: Yes. THERESA: No. RYAN: Yes. THERESA: No, our first kiss was on Halloween. Trust me, it was my sixth birthday, and my mom let me have dancing, but you didn't know how, so you hid in the bathroom. RYAN: And you tracked me down and kissed me. How did I ever block that out? THERESA: I don't know. RYAN: This is crazy. Do you want to go to prom with me? THERESA: What? KEVIN'S PLACE MARISSA: Okay... Wait, that's not why I'm here. So, you're going to think I'm... really lame, but... would you maybe want to go to prom with me? KEVIN: Are you serious? COFFEE SHOP SETH: Just give me two minutes. I ordered pancakes for you-- chocolate chip. SUMMER: Fine, two minutes, but that is it. SETH: Okay. SUMMER: Hey, somebody wrote "prom" on my pancake. That is so weird. SETH: Weird! SUMMER: Oh, my God. COHEN' HOUSE RYAN: Yeah, it's tomorrow night, so it's kind of late notice, but, um... Or not, or not. You know what? It's-it's probably a bad idea. THERESA: No, Ryan, it's just that... there's this guy that I work with, and we're not really dating or anything, but we've become close. RYAN: Yeah, no, I understand. Uh, I should probably get ready for school. KEVIN'S PLACE MARISSA: So, what, you just... hate prom? KEVIN: Pretty much. MARISSA: Why? Did you have a bad prom experience? 'Cause, hey, you know, I've heard there's support groups for things like that, and really, I think you could recover. COFFEE SHOP SUMMER: I haven't spoken to you in four days. You think pancakes and chocolate chips are going to make me forget that you and Anna went behind my back? SETH: We did not... SUMMER: Or that I saw you guys at the airport, and your long, tearful good-bye? COHEN' HOUSE THERESA: You know... RYAN: What? THERESA: Did I ever tell you how much my mom loves baby-sitting? KEVIN'S PLACE KEVIN: I, uh... I never actually made it to prom. I, um... I didn't get that close to graduation. MARISSA :Well, all the more reason to go now... 'cause you'll have me there to protect you. Okay? KEVIN: All right. COFFEE SHOP SUMMER: Not only will I not go to prom with you, but if you and I were stranded on a deserted island, I would take the nourishment that your meager frame has to offer, and then I would feed your bones to the sharks. ANNA'S ROOM ANNA: So, did she like the pancake? SETH: Yeah, she loved it, and then she said if we were stranded on a deserted island, she'd feed my bones to the sharks. SETH: I think it's hopeless. ANNA: Oh. Wait, she doesn't really think that we... SETH: She saw us hugging in the airport. ANNA: Oh, my God, this is all my fault. SETH: No, it's not your fault. ANNA: Yes, it is. If I hadn't been there, then you would have made up and you would be going to prom right now. You have to tell her the truth. SETH: Yeah, I tried, but... ANNA: No, no, no, not about us. You have to tell her that you lied about getting into Brown. SETH: I don't think I can do that. ANNA: But you have to, Seth. You have no other choice. You've done everything else. SETH: Yeah, I know, but last time I lied, I had to write out this big confession of everything I'd ever done wrong, and my whole drug phase and that... ANNA: You-you had a drug phase? SETH: I smoked a couple of joints, but I promised I'd never lie again. I don't think she's going to forgive me. ANNA: Seth, she wants to feed your bones to sharks. You have nothing to lose. SETH: Listen, Anna, I appreciate your help, but, uh... I don't know. It's over. I give up. Anyways... I'm going to talk to you later. ANNA: Man... SANDY AND KIRSTEN' ROOM KIRSTEN: You off? SANDY: Uh, I should be home in time for dinner. Hey, isn't this prom weekend? Weren't you and Julie talking about having everybody over here for pictures? KIRSTEN: We did... but Ryan doesn't have a date, and Seth and Summer seem to be in some kind of fight. SANDY: Oh, that's too bad. It's senior prom. It's a milestone. Maybe we should try and convince them to go anyway. KIRSTEN: Okay. When are we going to talk about us? SANDY: In public again, or were you thinking about something a little more private this time? KIRSTEN: I'm sorry I attcked you, but at least I got you to listen. SANDY: Well, I'm sorry I made it so difficult for you. KIRSTEN: So what do we do? SANDY: Well, we should give the boys the weekend. They're going to be gone in a few months. And then... you and I can figure out how best to proceed. I, uh... I'm going to go. KIRSTEN: Sandy, there's something else. At the end of that dinner, I... I just wish I'd apologized then. SANDY: Oh, that's okay. We'll be fine. HARBOR TAYLOR: Oh, Summer. SUMMER: Hey, Taylor. TAYLOR: Summer, wait. I have a big surprise for you. But first, business. Here are yours and Marissa's prom tickets, and I need $50 from each of you for the after-party. I rented out the Bait Shop. It is going to be such a rager. SUMMER: You know what? I don't think I'm going to go. TAYLOR: You were prom queen last year. You have to go. SUMMER: Yeah, well, the queen is dad. TAYLOR: I see. Well, perhaps you would like to hear who your date is. SUMMER: What are you talking about? TAYLOR: I got you a date. SUMMER: Taylor! TAYLOR: Quiet. You know how I'm going with Sung Ho? SUMMER: The guy from the Korean barbecue? TAYLOR: Oh, yeah, we, like, totally found each other at the sweatshirt party. He's got this wonderfully hairless body. It's like hooking up with a seal. SUMMER: I have to go. TAYLOR: So, it turns out his cousin Young Nam is visiting from Seoul. And his English is a little... but Sung Ho says he is huge on the K-pop scene. SUMMER: What the hell is K-pop? TAYLOR: Korean pop-- K-pop. Anyway, his band's called Big Korea, and he's a model, too. They actually based a couple of anime characters on him. SUMMER: Taylor, I'm not going to go to prom with some Asian pop singer that barely speaks English. TAYLOR: Summer. SUMMER: Ow. TAYLOR: Cohen deceived you. It is your duty as a woman to make him feel pathetic and small by going to prom with the hottest guy you can find. SUMMER: That's a good point. Are you sure he's hot? TAYLOR: Sung Ho said at his last concert, a gng of crazed school girls torched a cop car. SUMMER: Big Korea. ____ RYAN: Hey. How you doing? MARISSA: Hey. Good. Are those prom tickets? RYAN: Yeah. I asked someone. Theresa, actually. MARISSA: Oh, well, that's great. RYAN: Yeah. MARISSA: So, the baby...? RYAN: Really cute, but not mine. Well, what about you? Are you... are you going? I can't remember whether you and Volchok are still together or... MARISSA: Yeah, on both counts. RYAN: Yeah? MARISSA: He wasn't exactly enthusiastic, but he said yes. RYAN: Oh, that's-that's, uh... that's great. MARISSA: Yeah. Okay, I should be getting to class. Um, congratulations on the Theresa thing. See you. RYAN: See you. COHEN HOUSE ANSWERING MACHINE: Hey, it's Summer. Leave a message. SETH: Summer, hey. I just, I just want to apologize for what happened in the girls' bathroom today. I didn't mean to follow you in, or spook Mrs. Rushfield. I'm just trying to explain the idea of a romance between me and Anna so insane that... ANNA: Hello, Seth. SETH: I had to go. KEVIN'S PLACE KEVIN: Yeah, yeah. All right, all right, all right. Well, well, look who's here. RYAN: I want to talk to you. KEVIN: Hmm. Yeah, I'm not really in the mood to talk, but try me later. RYAN: Ken, listen. I saw you on the pier last night. KEVIN: Huh. Last night, last night... Yeah, I don't, I don't remember that far back. RYAN: Maybe you remember the girl you were with? Long hair, tattoos, not much like Marissa? KEVIN: You know, you are something else, man. But tell me this-- why would I cheat on Marissa? I mean... that girl's hot, right? In every way. But then you already knew that, didn't you? You want to see how far you can push me, keep at it. I already fell for that Lethal wapon psycho bit once. It's not happening again. MARISSA: Hey, Kevin. I think there's like a snake in the shower... What are you doing here? KEVIN: Yeah, Ryan. What are you doing here? RYAN: Uh... Uh, Kirsten called. She's having people over for photos tomorrow, and I just thought I'd invite you. MARISSA: Oh, that's really sweet. KEVIN: Yeah, so sweet. MARISSA: Okay, ignore him. We'll be there. RYAN: Yeah. COHEN' HOUSE RYAN: Hello? ANNA: Hey. RYAN: Hi. Anna. Seth said you were in town. ANNA: Hey, how are you? RYAN: I'm good, and you look much more grown up. Yeah, well, don't we all? You staying with your parents? ANNA: My aunt and my uncle. Last year, my parents switched houses. We're a quirky family. RYAN: Yeah. ANNA: Are you going to prom? RYAN: Yeah, actually. I'm going with Theresa. SETH: Hey, there she is. Look at a true friend, Ryan. 2,000 miles she flies. ANNA: In a middle seat. SETH: All to make sure Summer and I go to the prom together. Now, tell me, would you do so much? Let's not test it. ANNA: Well, guilt could be a powerful motivator. SETH: I'd tell you again that it's not your fault, except I want to hear this plan. ANNA: In phase one... SETH: Uh! Hear that, Ryan? Phase one. That suggests multiple phases. ANNA: In phase one, I am going to go over to Summer's right now, and tell her that there is nothing going on between us. SETH: Okay. Out of curiosity, what you got for phase two? ANNA: In the off-chance that phase one fails, phase two-- you take me to prom. I brought a dress. Yeah, I better get going. I'll call you. See you later. RYAN: Bye-bye. SETH: Bye. SUMMER'S ROOM MARISSA: I don't know, I kind of like it. SUMMER: I'm going to kll Taylor. MARISSA: Why? Come on. He's cute. SUMMER: How can you tell? He's in a space suit. MARISSA: So do you think Kevin will like this? SUMMER: Yeah, if it rips off easy. This was supposed to make Seth jealous. MARISSA: What's that? SUMMER: Just Seth's napkin confession, detailing all his lies and deceptions, including his pathetic two-week stoner phase. You know what? I think it is time for Sandy and Kirsten to know their son a little better. MARISSA: What? Summer, you can't do that. SUMMER: Oh, I can. We had a deal. He told me that if he screwed up, I could show this to his parents. Revenge. MARISSA: Don't you think that maybe he's telling the truth about him and Anna? I mean, do you really think that they would do that to you? ANNA: Hi. I hope I'm not interrupting anything. SUMMER: Oh, my God. MARISSA: No. Hi, Anna. It's good to see you again. ANNA: You, too. MARISSA: I'm going to go... try this on. SUMMER: I need you. What are you doing here? ANNA: Summer, I wanted to talk to you. You have to believe me. There is nothing going on between me and Seth. You are still my Blanche, you know? SUMMER: Nice try. I saw you guys hugging at the airport. ANNA: That was... not what you think it was. We were celebrating. SUMMER: Celebrating what? ANNA: The future. SUMMER: If I flew 2,000 miles, I'd probably come up with a better story. ANNA: No, it's the truth. Seth... SUMMER: Look. My date's going to be here soon. He's kind of a rock star. You may have heard of him, Big Korea. Yeah. Well, not surprised. Thanks for coming by. ANNA: Summer... Look, Summer, I'm sorry that you don't believe me, but if you're already going with someone, would you mind if I went with Seth? SUMMER: Why would I mind? ANNA: Okay, then. I'll see you there. SUMMER: See ya. POOLHOUSE RYAN: So, uh, how exactly does this plan go again? SETH: Summer sees me with Anna at the dance, and confronted with the reality of a world without Seth Cohen, she comes to her senses. RYAN: Uh-huh, because a world without you... SETH: Is a world without sun. Ryan, it's a world without warmth. I don't get it, either, but I think we should trust Anna on this one. She has more knowledge of the female psyche than either you or I could hope for. RYAN: That's so true. ANNA: Aren't you guys ready yet? People are going to be here. What is it? What's wrong? SETH: No. You look... I'm getting ready still. COHEN' HOUSE SANDY: Hello, welcome. TAYLOR'S DATE: These are my parents. SANDY: How are you? Nice to see you. Come on in. SUMMER: You look beautiful. THERESA: You, too. SETH: That's Summer's date. Looks like the guy in Full Metal Alchemist. SANDY: Kirsten, here are the Yangs, Elena and Tom. RYAN: Hey. How are you? MARISSA: Hey. THERESA: Hi. MARISSA: Oh, my God, you look beautiful. THERESA: You too. It's good to see you. RYAN: Glad you could make it. TAYLOR: Ryan. I'm so glad that you and Seth found dates. RYAN: Thank you. TAYLOR: So I'm going to need 50 bucks from each of you for the after-party. SANDY: Oh, I'll take care of that. There you go. TAYLOR: Thank you, very much Mr. Cohen. SANDY: You're welcome. Attention, everybody: The limos are waiting, so, ladies, please put your purses and your wraps and things on the bar, so we can all go out to the pool and take pictures. All right? KEVIN: Yeah, yeah. Where's the bathroom? RYAN: Uh... down the hall. _____ JULIE: Okay, you guys, we all need one with all of the kids. Get together. MARISSA: Oh, hey. Has anyone seen Kevin? I think he's still in the bathroom. RYAN: All right, I'll get him. _____ RYAN: The, uh, the parents want to take a photo of everyone. We're waiting on you. KEVIN: Fine. RYAN: Look. KEVIN: What now? You going to tell me I can't drink? RYAN: No, actually I don't have a problem with your drinking, but if you screw this up for Marissa, I'm going to kick your ass. KEVIN: Okay. PROM SETH: Oh, my God. You know what this is? ANNA: What? SETH: This is the pirates' cave from Goonies. I've died and gone to heaven. SUMMER: Taylor, this is amazing. MARISSA: Yeah, this is way better than any dance I ever designed. TAYLOR: Oh, my God, Marissa, that means so much to me. You know, I've been saying that, but no one listens. ANNA: Wow, Seth, you and I at prom together, who would have thought. SETH: I know. I guess sometimes things just work out. SUMMER: Laughing boy. Hi. Where's that flask you're always whipping out? KEVIN: Oh, you want to spike the punch? SUMMER: Read my mind. KEVIN: All right. Follow me. MARISSA: That's so unlike you. SUMMER: Big Korea. Hi. Hi. Come on, go. TAYLOR: Why don't I go put my purse down and then we can ht the dance floor? TAYLOR'S DATE: All right. TAYLOR: Okay. SETH: You sure about this? ANNA: Yes, Seth, you're just going to have to trust me. Come on, let's go take a picture with Captain Hook. SETH: All right. ANNA: Come on. TAYLOR: Oh, hi, Lisa. LISA: Hi. TAYLOR: I'm so glad you made it back for prom. LISA: I wouldn't have missed it for anything. Or... I thought you did great on Idol. TAYLOR: Oh, by the way, do you know where Simon gets those skintight V-necks? I totally want to get one for Sung Ho. MARISSA: Have I thanked you yet for coming? KEVIN: Mm, about 40 times. MARISSA: Is something wrong? KEVIN: Your little friend walked off with my flask. MARISSA: Yeah, well, I'm sure she'll bring it back. KEVIN: All right, well, I'm going to go smoke some kush. Want to come? MARISSA: You know, I actually kind of want to enjoy prom, but come find me when you get back. GIRL: Did I hear something about smoking certain substances? 'Cause I know someplace private. KEVIN: Lead the way. COHEN HOUSE SANDY: Maybe I'm being sentimental, but watching the kids head off to the senior prom, I can't help but think, where did the time go. NEIL: I remember the first day that Summer went off to kindergarten. She changed her outfit three times, and she came home from school crying because another girl was wearing the same top. The other girl was Marissa. JULIE: Of course. KIRSTEN: And wasn't it kindergarten that Seth would only answer to Boba Fett? SANDY: Gosh, Boba Fett. That was fourth grade. KIRSTEN: No, it was fifth grade. JULIE: Gosh, you know, I just can't believe that I was only a year older than Marissa is now when I married Jimmy. It's amazing the surprises life brings you. NEIL: Some good, I hope. JULIE: Very good. KIRSTEN: I'd like to propose a toast to the two of you. I'm sorry Sandy and I haven't thrown you an engagement party, but we couldn't be more pleased. SANDY: Thank you. KIRSTEN: Cheers. JULIE: Cheers. NEIL: Cheers. Wouldn't you know? I'm sorry. I have to take this; it's a colleague. I'll be right back. JULIE: Such a busy man. NEIL: Yes. JULIE: Well, I just hope Neil and I are as happy as you and Sandy. NEIL: No, actually, I'm having dinner at his home right now. What's up? Can I tell him? Right. Okay. PROM SETH: All right, I feel good about that. ANNA: All right. SETH: Why don't we go dance? ANNA: Thank you. Like dancing... SETH: I'm just going to go talk to her. ANNA: No, Seth, you can't. SETH: Well, look at her-- she looks miserable. Let alone... kind of plastered. ANNA: Well, that's the point. At least the miserable part. SETH: I don't think I can do this. ANNA: Seth, the plan is working. I mean, it was easy for her to doubt you when you're all begging to get back together with her. But now that she might have really lost you, she's thinking, maybe I should have really believed him. SETH: Really? 'Cause it looks to me like she's describing how she'd use my body for food then feed my bones to the sharks. TAYLOR: Excuse me, can I have your attention, please? Hi. I would like to welcome you all to the Pirate's Ball. Thank you. Okay, now, uh, before I announce your pirate king and queen, I would just like to take this moment to... say that it's been an honor to be your social chair this year... BOY: Just open the envelopes! TAYLOR: Well, excuse me if I have slaved away all year just so you could have a good time.BOY: Boring. TAYLOR: Fine. Oh, um, just so you know, I thought it was only fair to take myself out of the running so no calling for a recount. Okay, uh... Your 2006 queen is... Oh, my God, two years in a row, Summer Roberts. SETH: Oh, my God. MARISSA: Go, Summ! SUMMER: Oh, my God. I don't think you're boring. I love you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I like you guys, thank you so much. You guys... What's going on? Oh, tiara. Oh, tiara. Okay, thanks. Um, yeah, so thank you so much because being your queen is just... Is it like a million degrees in here or what? Woo, it's hot. TAYLOR: You know what? Perhaps we should find out who your king is. SUMMER: Screw that. You know what? Actually, let me, um... introduce you to my date. Hold this. He's right here. This is my date. He is the number one pop star in Korea. GIRLS: Bang bang. SUMMER: Anyway, I promised him that if I won that I would give him a big fat kiss. SETH: This is not part of the plan. ANNA: She's just fighting it. This is good. SUMMER: How do you like that, Cohen? TAYLOR: Man overboard! Man overboard! MARISSA: Oh, my God. Are you okay? SUMMER: What idiot made that stage so short? SETH: Summer, are you okay? SUMMER: Back off. MARISSA: Whoa, um. SUMMER: Just, everyone leave me alone. SETH: She probably just needs a moist washcloth or maybe like a towelette. ANNA: Cohen. SETH: What? What? Is there a "no towelette" clause in your plan? Because right now I'm thinking phase two kind of sucks. Does anyone have a towelette? Does anyone have a towelette? We must find a towelette! RYAN: Is she all right? MARISSA: Yeah, I think maybe it's time to go to the after-party, though. RYAN: That's a good idea. MARISSA: Hey, I couldn't find Kevin. He just disappeared. RYAN: Okay, I'll find him. MARISSA: Oh, right, I better go... RYAN: Who is it? THERESA: Um, this is the guy, I... I told him I was coming here tonight and I should probably take this. RYAN: I'm sorry, I know, it's gotten a little crazy. THERESA: Yeah. A little crazy. RYAN: Little bit. THERESA: But there's no place that I would rather be. And that's what I'm going to tell him. I'll see you in a minute. MARISSA: Ryan? RYAN: Hey, what are you doing? MARISSA: So Sung Ho and his cousin got Summ in the limo, but have you found Kevin? RYAN: No, no, let's look inside. MARISSA: Oh, he might have come out here to smoke. RYAN: No, he didn't, I checked. MARISSA: You checked? RYAN: Yeah. MARISSA: Why are you being weird? Are you sure he's not out here? Oh, my God. KEVIN: Get out of here. GIRL: What? KEVIN: Get out of here. GIRL: Jerk. KEVIN: Is that it? Can I go now? MARISSA: Why? KEVIN: What did you expect, huh? Did you think you were just going to dress up your bad boy, take him to your little rich kid's party, so your friends can see how cool you are? MARISSA: You know it's not like that. KEVIN: Oh, please. You just wanted to turn me into little bitch boy like him. MARISSA: You're nothing like him. Clearly, I was wrong about you. KEVIN: Finally, you're learning. COHEN HOUSE JULIE: Honestly, Kirsten, I'm so glad you guys are doing better. You really scared me last week. KIRSTEN: I even scared myself. Julie... last week at dinner, I had a drink. JULIE: What?! Oh, my God. KIRSTEN: Now, it was the first in 11 months, it was only one glass, I've been going to AA meetings every day, but it happened. JULIE: Have you talked to Sandy about this? KIRSTEN: No. I tried, even before when I could feel it coming, but... JULIE: Kirsten, you have to tell him. KIRSTEN: That the stress of our marriage has triggered my drinking? JULIE: Yes, that's exactly what you say. KIRSTEN: I am not gonna use my alcoholism as blackmail to save our marriage. If he can't value it for what it is, then what is the point? JULIE: Well, what are you gonna do? KIRSTEN: I don't know. The way things are between Sandy and I right now, I just feel like one push could send us over the edge. BAITSHOP TAYLOR: Hello? Trash cans exist for a reason. Oh... Excuse me. Hi. I have a security deposit on this place, and I'd like it back. RYAN: Hey, so, the guy at the door is gonna let me know if Volchek tries to get in. How you doing? MARISSA: I'm okay. You know, I think I'm just gonna go home, though. THERESA: Marissa, this is your prom. MARISSA: Yeah, it was prom before my boyfriend hooked up with another girl. Um... okay, I'm gonna go get a drink. _____ SETH: Summer, it's us. How you feeling? SUMMER: Go away, let me die alone. ANNA: I think it's time for phase three. SETH: There's a phase three? Why didn't you mention that before? ANNA: Duh, there's always been a phase three. The other two were just to make you realize that you don't have a choice. You have to tell her the truth, about everything. SUMMER: Who is she talking about? I bet you think it's really smart because she's the smart girl. ANNA: I'm gonna go. I fly back tomorrow, but I'll see you both in Providence. Summer, feel better. And remember Seth loves you. SETH: Anna, thank you. ANNA: Bye. SUMMER: You know what? I don't think she's that smart. I think that she's dumb. She's got a dumb name and dumb hair. SETH: Listen, I don't expect you to respond or even remember this, but the truth is, I actually didn't get in to Brown. SUMMER: What?! Too fast. SETH: I knew you weren't gonna go if I didn't go, and I didn't want you to do that, and I didn't want you to miss the opportunity, so I broke up with you. SUMMER: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. SETH: Yeah, well, then I realized I couldn't be without you, so I flew there to try and talk my way in. SUMMER: Okay, now that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. But it's very romantic. Did it work? SETH: No, it didn't. But Anna got me an interview at RISD, and they read my comic book, and they really liked it, so... SUMMER: So that's why you were hugging her at the airport? Oh, my God. SETH: Listen, I know I promised I'd never lie again when I gave you that letter. SUMMER: Oh, my God, the letter. SETH: What? SUMMER: Cohen, I have a confession. SETH: Oh, wow. Wow, that's impressive. SUMMER: I love you. SETH: I love you, too. We can kiss later. All right, want me to hold your crown? SUMMER: No! SETH: All right. Hey... rigatoni-- nice. COHEN HOUSE SANDY: What's going on? NEIL: Listen, that call I got was a friend of mine on the hospital board, and, um, there are rumors floating around about certain improprieties concerning Griffin and you. Monday morning the board is gonna suspend Griffin, and they're gonna call for a criminal investigation into the both of you. JULIE: Neil, it's getting late-- I think we should be going. NEIL: Yeah, right. Kirsten, thanks for a lovely evening. KIRSTEN: Oh, my pleasure. JULIE: Well, we'll walk you out. KIRSTEN: Is everything okay? SANDY: Yeah. BAITSHOP RYAN: Well, she's not here-- she must've gone home. THERESA: She'll be okay. You know, you probably don't see it, but she's changed. She's gotten stronger. So have you. RYAN: Yeah? Think so? THERESA: The Ryan I knew would've gotten in a fight with that guy back at the prom. I know part of you still wants to, but you didn't. And that's what matters. RYAN: So, you like the new me. THERESA: Well... he's still not much of a dancer, but... RYAN: What?! You're right, I'm not. THERESA: You know, nothing between us could ever be casual-- there's too much history. RYAN: Yeah, I know. I just don't think that anything should happen tonight. THERESA: Absolutely not. Absolutely... RYAN: Okay, good. TAYLOR: Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! RYAN: Taylor, what happened? TYLOR: Oh, my God. The money is gone! I had the money in my purse. I had $5,000 in my purse. It's gone. I brought it down at prom-- someone must've taken it. RYAN: We should call the police. You know what, don't bother, don't bother. I know where it is. TAYLOR: What do you mean, you know? I think I'm gonna hyperventilate. THERESA: Is everything okay? RYAN: Yeah, it will be. KEVIN'S PLACE KEVIN: What do you want? RYAN: You decide how this is gonna go. KEVIN: Prom, huh? Hell of a night. You probably think I'm an idiot, huh? Screw things up with Marissa, steal money when everyone's gonna know I took it. RYAN: I don't think about you. But yes, you're an idiot. KEVIN: Maybe it wasn't gonna work out with Marissa. And at least now...you and I can settle this. RYAN: I'm not here to fight you. KEVIN: Sure you are. Otherwise, you'd have called the police. Come on. You know you're dying to. Just give in. RYAN: All right, all right, all right, I get it-- it's about the money. KEVIN: But tell me this. A week from now, if I wanted to, I could have her on her back on that mattress. Now, how does that make you feel?	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x23 - The Party Favor"}	foreverdreaming
HOSPITAL RYAN: Can we get some help over here?! MALE NURSE: He get ht with a baseball bat or something? RYAN: No, no. MALE NURSE: How long's he been unconscious? RYAN: I got him here as soon as I could. MALE NURSE: Do you know them? The guys who did this, do you know who they are? KEVIN: Got jumped. Didn't see them. Look, I'm okay. MALE NURSE: Come on, buddy. Glad you're alive, but we still got to check you out. Police will have some questions for you, too. RYAN: Yeah, okay. KEVIN: Meet me at my place tomorrow. This ain't over. MALE NURSE: Where's your friend? KEVIN: He's not my friend. GENERIC MARISSA'S ROOM MARISSA: Kait... Kaitlin? KAITLIN: Hey, sis. MARISSA: Hey. You just calling to say hi? KAITLIN: Totally. So how's your life? How's Ryan? What'd you do last night? Give me all the deets. MARISSA: Well, Ryan and I broke up and my prom date got with another girl. KAITLIN: Ah, really? That's great. Listen, I'm actually calling you to ask you a favor. MARISSA: What, your friend Megan needs another abortion? KAITLIN: I wish. But, um, actually, my school sent Mom a letter and I kind of need you to get it for me. MARISSA: And by "get," do you mean keep it from her? KAITLIN: Look, I'm totally all over this situation. I just need a little bit more time. MARISSA: Oh, Kaitlin... KAITLIN: Look, Marissa, I'm begging you. If you have one sisterly bone in your body, you will do this for me. Please? MARISSA: Fine, I'll see if it's there, but you have to promise to tell me why. KAITLIN: Oh, thank you. I love you. MARISSA: Okay, I love you... too. POOLHOUSE RYAN: Hi. THERESA: Hi, what are you doing? RYAN: Nothing much. How 'bout you? THERESA: Just got off the phone with the guy. RYAN: Oh. The, uh... work guy. How'd that go? THERESA: Oh, not well. It's kind of hard for a 28-year-old to understand prom. RYAN: I get that. You don't regret going, do you? THERESA: No, not at all. I had fun. And after you left, things got pretty interesting in the limo with Taylor and the dates... and I don't know what the Korean word for "threesome" is, but I'm pretty sure it was used. Ryan? RYAN: Yep. THERESA: That thing that you had to take care of last night... RYAN: It's taken care of. THERESA: Okay. Do you want to hang out today? RYAN: I have to do something this afternoon. I'm not sure how long it's gonna take. THERESA: Well, how about later for dinner? I could bring over takeout. RYAN: Yeah, that sounds good. THERESA: Okay. RYAN: Yeah, okay. SETH: Hey, man. Today's a good day for me, Ryan. I finally came clean, told the truth about not getting into Brown and things are great. Life is so much better when you're honest. You just mean what you say, you say what you mean. I feel like you. RYAN: Well, now that you're on a roll, you gonna tell Sandy and Kirsten about Brown, too? SETH: Yeah, I don't think so. I'm going to wait a little bit on that one. I think it'll go down a bit easier with an acceptance letter to RISD in my hand. RYAN: And what if they find out first? SETH: They won't. Things are finally going good between Summer and I. Can't this family have one weekend without a major crisis? SUMMER'S ROOM MARISSA: Hey, Summ. How are you? SUMMER: I wish I could pluck out my eyeballs with a fork and rinse them in a tall glass of ice water. MARISSA: Yeah, that's a hangover. You were pretty wasted last night. SUMMER: I was, wasn't I? I don't even remember getting home. I woke up this morning and my ears were ringing and I realized it was your phone. MARISSA: Yeah, Kaitlin was calling 'cause there's this letter from her school that she wants me to grab. SUMMER: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, the letter. MARISSA: What? How do you know what it is? SUMMER: No, no, Cohen's confession. I left it in an envelope on Sandy's desk. MARISSA: Oh, so call Seth. Tell him to grab it. SUMMER: I can't. Things are finally normal again between us. Oh, my gosh, once he realizes what I did. I gotta go. Oh, my God, nausea tsunami. COHEN HOUSE SANDY: Well, it's a little unexpected. I mean, this hospital project has been, uh... it's been complicated. Oh, well... I'm glad to hear it. I look forward to tomorrow night. Thank you. You're not going to believe this. I am Riviera magazine's Man of the Year. Try not to faint. KIRSTEN: I'm sorry, it's just given everything that's happened... SANDY: They're calling the hospital phase one of Orange County's renaissance, thinking it could be a model for responsible development for the entire country. KIRSTEN: Responsible development? Sandy, the only thing it's responsible for is a lot of sleepless nights and Matt Ramsey's black eye. You know my father was Man of the Year. SANDY: The irony is not lost on me, believe me. But, hey, this could mean that maybe the dark days are over, that something good is coming from all this. KIRSTEN: I'd like to think so. But I honestly doubt it. SANDY: Well, I wasn't expecting your blessing. But until we have proof to the contrary, let's try to be optimistic. RYAN: Hey. KIRSTEN: Why don't you say good morning to Newport's Man of the Year? SETH: I knew it was only a matter of time before this town recognized my contribution to the community. RYAN: Have to be a man first. Congratulations, Sandy. SANDY: Thank you. Big party tomorrow night. Everybody's got to dress up and represent. KIRSTEN: And just think, I couldn't get you to wear a tie at cotillion. SANDY: College letters, senior prom... this family's on a streak. Let's try to enjoy it. RYAN: I gotta go. SANDY: Me, too. SETH: You excited? KIRSTEN: It'll be good for your father's career. _____ SUMMER: Oh, my God, Mr. C, you totally scared me. SANDY: Sometimes I scare myself, Summer. Seth's in the kitchen. SUMMER: I'll just go right in. SANDY: All right. SETH: What are you doing? SUMMER: Nothing. Looking for stamps. SETH: Are you mailing a letter? SUMMER: Not without stamps. Let's go make out upstairs. COFFEE SHOP MARISSA: Hey, is everything okay? You sounded weird on the phone. RYAN: You can give that to Taylor. MARISSA: What, her after-party money? RYAN: Yeah, it was stolen at the prom. MARISSA: Kevin... I can't believe he stole that. I should go over there and kick his... RYAN: No, no, no, no. We got the money, so forget it. Uh, just, uh, I don't really want to talk about it. But if you could just give that to Taylor, no questions ask, that'd be good. MARISSA: Yeah. You can count on me. I need to focus on other stuff anyway. I was gonna take a road trip this weekend. So, maybe I should just go home and pack. RYAN: Can I buy you breakfast? MARISSA: Sure. SETH'S ROOM SUMMER: Where is your dad going this morning? SETH: You thinking about my dad? SUMMER: He had his briefcase with him. Does he usually keep important papers in there? SETH: Whoa, you turned me on. SUMMER: I'm sorry. Cohen, there's something I need to tell you. SETH: You're using me to get to my father? SUMMER: Serious. SETH: So is this. We just got back together. The window for a makeup hookup is rapidly closing unless you want to break up again. SUMMER: No, definitely not. SETH: Okay, so what do you have to tell me? SUMMER: I want to be on top this time. SETH: You are always on top. ROBERTS HOUSE JULIE: Of course, we'll be there. Hey, it's something to celebrate. Okay, bye, Kiks. Huh. NEIL: Hey, good news? JULIE: Yes. Sandy Cohen has just been named Newport's Man of the Year. There's a party for him tomorrow night at the yacht club. NEIL: Well, that ought to be interesting. JULIE: What do you mean? NEIL: Sandy's being investigated by the DA. They're filing charges against Henry Griffin. And Sandy's been working very closely with him. JULIE: Oh, wow. I mean, Sandy is obviously very involved with the hospital, but I can't imagine him doing anything unethical. He can be self-righteous, pompous and annoying, but... Sandy is very moral. NEIL: Well, we'll find out. I'm sitting down with the district attorney tomorrow. JULIE: So we have to warn Sandy. NEIL: I already did. JULIE: Then why doesn't Kirsten know? KEVIN'S PLACE RYAN: How you doing? KEVIN: Seven stitches, couple of broken ribs... I'll live. RYAN: I'm glad. I didn't mean to, uh... Well, not that bad anyway. KEVIN: It's not like I didn't ask for it. RYAN: So the money is returned, you got your stitches and... we're good, right? KEVIN: Not quite. I need some help. I'm supposed to have picked something up from this guy. RYAN: No, no, no, no... KEVIN: Just be my lookout, drive and wait in the car. RYAN: Whatever you're into, drugs, gn... KEVIN: It's none of your business. RYAN: I know, and I don't want it to be. KEVIN: Right, 'cause you got the good life now. Graduation... college... You know all that change when you're charged with asault. RYAN: You tell the cops about me, and I'll tell them about the money. KEVIN: Money? What money ? I-I don't see any money. RYAN: Nobody's gonna believe you? KEVIN: I don't care if they do, 'cause I've got nothing to lose. And you've got everything. That's why you're a little bitch. And that's why you'll help me out tomorrow night. RYAN: No, no, I can't tomorrow night. Sandy's Man of the Year's big party. KEVIN: And I guess they'll be cuffing you in your suit. KAITLIN'S MANSION HADLEY: Daddy, you can't do this to yourself every time you get the ratings. It's my dad. You know The Valley? That's a show. What do you expect when you bat the same love triangle to the ground for three years? Who are you? MARISSA: Oh, uh... Marissa. Kaitlin's sister. HADLEY: Hey, bitch, your sister is here. Nice to meet you. I'm Hadley. Dad, I thought I told you to stay off the message boards. KAITLIN: Marissa, what are you doing here? MARISSA: Waiting for you to explain this. ROBERTS HOUSE JULIE: Thanks for coming by, Kiks. I didn't want to talk to you about this on the phone. KIRSTEN: No, of course, no problem. What's going on? JULIE: Um, sit down. Uh, it's Sandy. He's being investigated by the DA. KIRSTEN: Let me guess: the hospital. JULIE: Yeah. Neil is meeting with the DA tomorrow. It seems serious. I'm so sorry, Kirsten. I just thought you should know. KIRSTEN: No, of course. Especially with Sandy being Man of the Year. It'll be in all the papers. JULIE: And speaking of someone who's had to manage more than her share of scandal, you need to contain this ASAP. KIRSTEN: Julie, I appreciate the heads-up. Sandy's going to take this really hard. JULIE: Sandy knows. Neil told him at dinner last night. POOLHOUSE RYAN: So your mom has the baby? THERESA: Mm. The nanny. What, when we were growing up stealing all those empties to buy Sour Patch Kids, you didn't imagine me as the kind of girl hat would have a nanny? RYAN: Uh, you've come a long way, is all. THERESA: So have you. You're graduating on Monday and Berkeley in the fall. So last night after you left me with Taylor... RYAN: Just don't, okay? THERESA: Look, Ryan, there's only one thing that could have done that to your hand, and that's another guy's face. That kid stole the money, and you went to fight him. Go ahead. Answer it. RYAN: Hi. No, no, no, I cannot right now, okay? Well, give me a couple of hours at least. THERESA: You should have told them you'd be right there. RYAN: Teresa, Teresa! Look, there's things that I... that I can't tell the Cohens or Seth because they wouldn't understand it, but you... THERESA: My life has totally changed since we were kids. RYAN: So has mine. THERESA: No, Ryan, there are guys out there that don't get in fights, not ever, not any. RYAN: Like the guy at work? THERESA: Look, I have a child to think about now, okay? And I cannot be with someone like my brother or yours. RYAN: Well, I'm not like him. THERESA: Maybe on your good days, you're not, but right now, my life isn't built for the bad ones. I will always love you, Ryan. Keep safe. NEWPORT GROUP KIRSTEN: You walked into the kitchen the morning and asked me to be optimistic. SANDY: Well, they can't have much of a case, not against Griffin and certainly not against me. I'm hoping the whole thing will go away, and maybe the Man of the Year thing will help that. KIRSTEN: Well, it's not. Neil Roberts is meeting with the district attorney tomorrow. SAND: Well, I'll talk to Greg Otis; he'll tell me what's going on. Honey, I promise you I'll do everything in my power not to let this land on the family. KIRSTEN: It already has. KAITLIN'S MANSION KAITLIN: His name is Trevor Knightly, and he's the captain of the lacrosse team. HADLEY: Yeah, those girls are like his groupies. Lacrosse-stitutes. KAITLIN: He's a total perv, and really into Adderall. MARISSA: So what's he got against you? Or should I even ask? KAITLIN: He gave me a personal invitation to a lipstick party, and I declined. HADLEY: Obvie. Lipstick parties are for pervs and skanks. So heinous. Lipstick parties and Adderall. MARISSA: I'm sensing a generation gap. KAITLIN: So the next morning, he was all telling the headmistress that he saw me taking the crest above her office. MARISSA: Well, it sounds like it's his word against yours. HADLEY: Oh, obvie, but he totally hides his evilness. Straight A's, varsity athlete. And Kaitlin's, well... KAITLIN: Not exactly the perfect student. MARISSA: You don't say. KAITLIN: Look, Marissa, this will be my third strike, and I really don't feel like getting kicked out. I mean, I know it may not be as bad as sh*ting somebody, but I'm pretty sure Mom would freak out. And by the way, I really don't feel like getting locked up during summer. HADLEY: Obvie. I get so horny in the summertime. KAITLIN: Oh, honey, you're always horny. HADLEY: Shut up. KAITLIN: You shut up. MARISSA: Okay, both of you shut up. So what's the deal with this crest thing? KAITLIN: I'm pretty sure it's in his room, but there's no way that he or any of his army of probably-gay and totally-in-love-with-him homeboys would let me in there. MARISSA: Well, I'm not usually one to come up with a plan, but do you have one of those skirts? KEVIN'S PLACE RYAN: Hi. KEVIN: Hey. Here's Ryan. He's helping me. MAN: I'll leave the garage door unlocked when I finish work. It'll be inside. KEVIN: Thank you. MAN: Good luck, man. KEVIN: All right, man. This is the address. You'll need it for the pickup. RYAN: This is my neighborhood. KEVIN: That's why you're driving. COHEN HOUSE SETH: Mom, I'm going to go get something to eat with Summer. Are you decent? If I come in, am I inviting years of therapy? Sorry. Mom? SUMMER: There you are, you... Ooh. Sorry. Cohen, is your mom sick or something? SETH: Yeah, she is. I'm going to have to stay and take care of her. SUMMER: Okay, well, then why don't I just go pick us up food, and I'll bring it back. Do you think your mom needs anything? SETH: Just peace and quiet. We're gonna have to rain-check dinner. SUMMER: Cohen, you're acting really weird. SETH: I feel weird, you know? Maybe whatever my mom has is contagious, and I'd hate for you to catch it and feel weird, too. You know? SUMMER: Well, okay. KAITLIN'S MANSION MARISSA: Hi. Are you Trevor? TREVOR: Yeah. MARISSA: I'm Marissa, the new foreign exchange student. I just got here from London. TREVOR: I love... London. MARISSA: Well, I was hoping you could give me a tour. Starting with your dorm room? TREVOR: Ooh, sounds good. But I did my junior year abroad at Oxford. I don't buy that phony English accent for a second. MARISSA: Okay, fine, I'm a stripper. Your friends hired me for your birthday. TREVOR: My birthday's not for six months. MARISSA: Do you want to see me take my clothes off or not? COHEN HOUSE SETH: Hey. Can I talk to you for a second? KIRSTEN: Sure. Oh, you mean right now. SETH: Yeah. Well, you know, just kinda... KIRSTEN: Well, can it wait till after? Because I'm on my way to a meeting with my group. SETH: Yeah, how is that going? KIRSTEN: Well, you know what they say. One day at a time. That's why I have meetings. RESTAURANT SANDY: Greg Otis, my favorite DA. Now, this is a cozy spot. The lighting's a lot more flattering than an interrogation room. GREG: No one's being interrogated. Dr. Roberts and I are just going to talk. It's good to see you. SANDY: Good to see you. GREG: The courtroom misses Sandy Cohen. SANDY: Oh, not as much as he misses the courtroom, believe me. We've known each other a long time, Otis. What am I dealing with here? GREG: The case against Griffin's not strong. Everyone's got stories, but there's not a lot of hard evidence. SANDY: Well, where do I fit in the picture? GREG: You're in bed with him on that hospital. Until I have proof otherwise, his improprieties are yours, too. SANDY: Well, what if you had receipts, e-mails? An eyewitness? GREG: That would help a lot. SANDY: In exchange for my cooperation, could you let The Newport Group finish the hospital? GREG: Griffin goes down, so does the hospital. No way around that. SANDY: So I could keep my mouth shut and hope you lose. GREG: Or you can help bury that crook, say good-bye to the hospital. Dr. Roberts. SANDY: Thanks for your time, Otis. I'm gonna leave you two to your discussion. Good to see you, Neil. NEIL: Sandy. CAR KEVIN: That's the house. Now I just gotta wait for him to leave. RYAN: You said we were picking something up. KEVIN: Yeah, well. He doesn't exactly know it. WOMAN: Ryan, is that you? RYAN: Hey. WOMAN: Well, I was just coming back from my tennis lesson and I thought, isn't that the Cohens' car? RYAN: It is. WOMAN: Well, save me a dance at Sandy's party tonight. RYAN: Will do. WOMAN: And, uh... bring your friend. He's hot. A neighbor? KEVIN: Ah, told you this was a good plan. KAITLIN'S MANSION TREVOR: This isn't my dorm room. MARISSA: Yeah, well, you don't want people to walk in on us, do you? So, take off your pants. TREVOR: I thought you were going to strip for me. MARISSA: Haven't you ever been to Vegas? In your boxers, or I'll have to give those guys their money back. TREVOR: That would be a waste. Do they do this in Vegas, too? MARISSA: They do everything in Vegas. Okay. Now, I just have to go change. TREVOR: But you're wearing a costume. Hey! Come back here! KAITLIN: Did you get 'em? MARISSA: Yeah. KAITLIN: All right. MARISSA: We gotta go. COHEN HOUSE SANDY: Hey. SUMMER: Hi, Mr. Cohen. Is Seth around? SANDY: No. I don't think so. Is it okay if I just, um, wait here for him? SANDY: Sure. Make yourself at home. SUMMER: Do you mind if I-I wait here with you? SANDY: I'm... I'm working, but, uh... suit yourself. SUMMER: So, uh, how's Mrs. Cohen? She feeling any better? SANDY: I didn't know she was sick. SUMMER: Huh. Must have been like a 24-hour thing. SANDY: So what's this? SUMMER: That is a card for Seth congratulating him on having a dad who was Man of the Year. SANDY: Even though it's addressed to Kirsten and me? SUMMER: Okay, that is actually like a really big mistake, and I would do anything to take it back. SANDY: "The most recent and troubling lies include..." Oh, Summer. SUMMER: Seth gave it to me on Valentine's Day when we got in a fight, and he said that if he ever screwed up again, that I should give it to you. Only he didn't screw up again. I did. SANDY: This is serious. SUMMER: I did it out of spite. He told me that he wasn't going to Brown and then I saw him there with Anna. SANDY: He said he wasn't going to Brown? SUMMER: Well, yeah, because he didn't get in but that was before RISD. SANDY: What do you mean, he didn't get in? SUMMER: I thought he only lied about that to me. A.A. KIRSTEN: The only thing worse than relapsing... is that my husband doesn't know. He's involved in this business deal and... it's gotten very ugly and, uh... Well, he might even be arrested. And I'm not blaming anyone. I'm the only one with the power to drink or not drink. I just... really need the man I married right now. COHEN HOUSE SANDY: I want to talk to you. SETH: Good, I want to talk to you. SANDY: I love you... and I'm worried about you. SETH: Right back at you. SANDY: You smoked pot in our home. SETH: Would you rather I do it somewhere else, like my college dorm? SANDY: That would require you getting into college. SETH: Well, do you think it's such a great idea, me going away to college when Mom's been drinking again? SANDY: What are you talking about? SETH: Maybe if you paid attention to anything other than that stupid hospital, you'd notice Mom's been passing out before dinner. SANDY: Don't talk to your father like that. SETH: That would require you to act like my father. CAR KEVIN: That's our guy. RYAN: All right, go ahead. I'll be waiting. KEVIN: Come on. You're my cover. Besides, I can't go with my face like this. What? You're just taking a little walk out in your neighborhood. GARAGE KEVIN: All right, I'll just be a minute. You just wait right there. RYAN: All right, let's go. Where is it? KEVIN: You're looking at it. RYAN: The car? You got to be kidding me. KEVIN: 120Gs is no joke. RYAN: No. No way, man. I'm not doing this. KEVIN: Too late. RYAN: Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! KEVIN: They're supposed to be next to the keys, but I can't find them! RYAN: There's a patrol car up the street! KEVIN: I got this! RYAN: They're coming! Let's go! What are you doing?! KEVIN: Shut up! RYAN: Let's go! Come on! KEVIN: Get in! Don't be a little bitch. KAITLIN'S MANSION MARISSA: You guys better get that back to the headmistress' office before someone sees it here. KAITLIN: Oh, yeah. We will. And thanks again. That was pretty cool. HADLEY: Yeah. I mean, when we came and talked about you, I thought you'd be totally wasted and have all these problems. MARISSA: Right. Well, I'm glad you guys aren't going to get in trouble. I actually kind of had fun. KAITLIN: Wow. I suspected as much, but it's actually kind of nice to hear you say it out loud. I think we're having a moment? HADLEY: Oh, my God! My phone just totally stepped on your moment. Um... I'll just... I'll take it outside. Hey, bitch! You never call me back. What's up? KAITLIN: Yeah, I liked hanging out, too. It sucks you're going to go to college next year. MARISSA: Um... We'll see about that. KAITLIN: Oh. Well, whatever you decide, I will miss you. And I mean it this time. MARISSA: Oh, me, too. COHEN HOUSE KIRSTEN: I'm sorry I'm late. I'll... I'll hurry. SANDY: Hey, have a seat. So... Have you been drinking again? No explanation, no... no judgment. I just want to know. Oh, I wish you'd talk to me. KIRSTEN: I tried. SANDY: That night you called? I wish I had known. KIRSTEN: Then you would have come? Because the only thing that would actually get you to talk to me was the thrat of a relapse? SANDY: I hope you know that's not true. KIRSTEN: I don't know that. Oh, Sandy, I'm sorry. For everything. Especially the relapse. And, more importantly, for keeping it a secret. SANDY: I'm sorry, too. SETH'S ROOM KIRSTEN: I know you know about my drinking. SETH: And I assume you know about Brown? Sorry to rat you out to Dad. It was kind of a heat-of-the-moment thing. KIRSTEN: I'm glad you did. I know things have been difficult, but we're still a family. SETH: Yeah. We're a great family: Mom's drinking. Dad's about to go to jail. Giving the Outfit a run for their money. KIRSTEN: I haven't given up on us, and neither has your father. SETH: My God! Apologize for that guy. I don't even want to be in the same room as him. KIRSTEN: I'm asking you to. SETH: I attend his Man of the Year party? Don't you think that's a hypocritical way to start the Cohen family clean slate? KIRSTEN: Will you do it for me? SETH: Fine. But I want my own table, and my applause for his speech will be so tepid. KIRSTEN: Thank you. Will you stop by the Newport Group? There's a concept drawing for the hospital that your father needs for his presentation. I'd ask Ryan, but he said he'd be late. I believe your father is going to fix this. SETH: That makes one of us. CAR MARISSA: Ryan. RYAN: Hi. Hey, where are you right now? MARISSA: I'm driving back from Montecito. Are you okay? RYAN: Yeah. Can you, uh... Can you meet me at your place? MARISSA: Yeah. Sure. There's a key under the mat by the pool. Just let yourself in, and wait in my room. I'll be there as soon as I can. RYAN: Thanks. MARISSA: Hey, Ryan... RYAN: I... It's okay. It's okay. Um... Thanks. ROBERTS HOUSE JULIE: Neil, why aren't you ready for the party? We should be leaving. NEIL: I'm not going, darling. Julie, I spent the entire afternoon with the DA. Griffin's about to be arrested, and Sandy's future is far from certain. JULIE: All the more reason to be there for him and Kirsten. NEIL: It feels like a conflict of interest. I might have to testify against the man. I'm sorry. But I'm sure they'll understand. JULIE: Well, I don't. The Cohens are like family, Neil. NEIL: Maybe they're about to become the black sheep. JULIE: Hmm. Well, I don't know about you, but I support the people I care about. I don't judge them. I'll call a cab. NEWPORT GROUP SETH: Hello. KIRSTEN: Hey. I was wondering if you have an ETA. Your father's about to take the stage. SETH: I'll be right there. KIRSTEN: Did you get the drawing? Okay. I'll see you soon. RESTAURANT SANDY: Well, you're very sweet to say that, thank you. KIRSTEN: Excuse me. Can I borrow my husband for a moment? SANDY: Excuse me. KIRSTEN: Isn't that Greg Otis? SANDY: Oh, maybe he's here to arrest me. Wouldn't be the first time somebody left a Newport party in handcuffs. I'm going to go practice my speech anyway. MARISSA'S ROOM MARISSA: Hey, what's going on? RYAN: I was with you tonight. If anyone asks, can you say that? MARISSA: Ryan... RYAN: Just yes or no? Will you do it? MARISSA: Yeah, of course. RESTAURANT JULIE: You changed your mind? NEIL: No, you changed it. You're a very passionate woman. Surprisingly principled. JULIE: I'd like to think so. NEIL: If you feel so strongly about family, how could I not want to be part of yours? SANDY: Good evening, everyone. And thank you so much for coming out tonight, and thanks to Riviera Magazine for bestowing upon me this... this wonderful honor that I... I cannot accept. I used to think I was better than this place. You know, I came from outside the bubble, so I thought I was fit to judge it. So when it came time for me to run the Newport Group, I wasn't worried at all about losing my way. But I learned that despite the wide streets and the sunny views, you take one wrong turn in this town, and you can end up totally lost. Oh, thank you, Seth. Thanks, Kirsten. This drawing is as close to fully realized as Newport Mercy will ever be, because in the next few months, I'm going to be cooperating with the District Attorney's investigation of Dr. Henry Griffin and the hospital he and I were going to build. SUMMER: I'm so sorry, Cohen. SETH: No, it's okay. I think it's for the best. SANDY: I'm truly flattered to be held in such high esteem by this community, but I'm going to step aside, because I'm going to pursue an order that is closer to my heart: Father and Husband of the Year. Thank you. GREG: That was quite a speech. SANDY: And you... are going to have quite a case. I'll be in touch. KIRSTEN: You were wonderful. SANDY: Thanks. SETH: I thought it was wordy in the middle, but I think the end was nice. SANDY: Yeah? SANDY: Maybe I'm too late. CAR RYAN: They're here for me. MARISSA: Well, it's a good thing you were with me all night then, right? RESTAURANT SANDY: Do not ask him any questions unless I'm present. COP: Who are you, his lawyer? SANDY: I'm his father. RYAN: What happened? SANDY: There's been a f*re at the Newport Group. They think Seth did it.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x24 - The Man of the Year"}	foreverdreaming
COHEN HOUSE SETH: Hi, man. RYAN: So, how'd it go? SANDY: He denied everything. Stopped by the office, picked up the drawing and left. KIRSTEN: Well, that's a good thing, except you don't believe him. SETH: I didn't know what to say. It was an accident, I swear. RYAN: All right, so tell your dad. SANDY: Ordinarily, of course, I'd believe him, you know that, but in light of these revelations about his recent behavior, I don't know. I think he's hiding something. SETH: Dad, remember when I called you the worst father ever? Right after that, I swung by your place of work, I smoked a joint, I forgot to put it out, and now your office fits into an ashtray. SANDY: The security camera in the garage has him as the last person to leave. KIRSTEN: But if he's telling the truth and you accuse him of lying... SANDY: Well, clearly I've disappointed him enough already. I don't need to give him any more amo. SETH: Well, this is shaping up to be a hell of a graduation. I can't do hard time, Ryan. RYAN: Well, lying to Sandy Cohen, what's harder than that? SETH: I'm going to go to the car and get my iPod, listen to sad, depressing music for a change. RYAN: Which car? SETH: My mom's. RYAN: You know what, actually, I'll get it. SETH: It's okay. It's just in the garage. RYAN: Uh, no, it's not. I, uh, I parked on the street. I've been meaning to move it. I'll get it. STREET KEVIN: Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. RYAN: What are you doing here, man? KEVIN: Look, I just bailed out of the car and ran. RYAN: Yeah, what about the cops? KEVIN: I think they got a good look at me. I-I can't go home. I've got to get out of town. RYAN: Yeah, well, have a nice trip. KEVIN: I need your help! I need your help, man. Okay? RYAN: I'm not gonna help you. I'm done helping you. KEVIN: I need some money. RYAN: I got graduation. My family's coming in tomorrow. KEVIN: You don't get it, do you? If I go down, you are going down with me. You know, and not on some asault charge, man. That was a $120,000 car we stole. RYAN: You stole. KEVIN: Yeah. Tell it to the cops. GENERIC HARBOR SUMMER: Or your mom, when she gets here. I'm sure she'll be real proud. I can't believe in a couple of hours we're going to be on that stage in our cap and gowns. TAYLOR: Well, except for Seth, who may be in an orange jumpsuit. SUMMER: Taylor! TAYLOR: Sorry, Summer. I'm just really nervous about my valedictorian speech. SUMMER: Well, look, it's not like Cohen got charged with anything. He didn't burn the entire building down. He just damaged a couple of offices. MARISSA: You know, it sounds like you're talking about Ryan. TAYLOR: Sounds like the smoldering passion we unleashed in Seth needed an outlet. SUMMER: Think again, Taylor. I don't think Cohen's the one that needs to get laid. TAYLOR: Au contraire, Summer. Have I told you about my after, after prom party with Sung Ho and Yung Nam? It was hot and spicy and let's just say I had my very own Korean barbecue. Bibimbap. MARISSA: Wow. SUMMER: I'm so off kimchi. JULIE: Marissa. MARISSA: Hey, Mom. Isn't it a bit early to be saving seats? JULIE: I brought you something. It's from Dad. A gift, maybe. Clearly he wanted you to have it for graduation. I just thought you might want it right away. MARISSA: Yeah. Yeah, thanks. JULIE: Okay. I'll see you in a bit. Bye, girls. SUMMER: Bye. TAYLOR: Bye. SUMMER: That was nice of him to think of you. MARISSA: Yeah. I'm gonna... COHEN HOUSE KIRSTEN: Dawn. DAWN: Kirsten. KIRSTEN: Come on in. DAWN: Oh, thank you. Thanks. Wow, seems like forever since I was last here. KIRSTEN: Give me your bags. DAWN: Of course, maybe I was just too drunk to remember. Kidding. I'm doing good. KIRSTEN: It seems that way. RYAN: Hey, Mom. DAWN: Graduate. RYAN: How are you doing? I'm glad you could make it. ROBERTS HOUSE KAITLIN: Gracias, Mima. NEIL: Well, Kaitlin. Hello. KAITLIN: Dr. Roberts. NEIL: We weren't expecting you. KAITLIN: Well, you know, since my grades went from B's to A's, I was actually wondering if you could change my A's to B's. NEIL: Yes, well, Kaitlin, I think that augmentation is something to be discussed with your mother-- when you're older. KAITLIN: Dude, I'm totally kidding. KAITLIN: I just love graduations. I thought I might stop by. JULIE: Kaitlin? Sweetie, hi. KAITLIN: Hi. JULIE: Is everything okay? KAITLIN: Totally. I figured it was a safe bet, you know, Dad wouldn't come here.So I thought maybe you'd have an extra seat. JULIE: Yeah, great, okay. KAITLIN: All right, well, I'm just going to go to the hot tub, because I am so stressed out, finals, you know. JULIE: Okay. NEIL: That's very nice of her to come home to support her sister. JULIE: Yeah. Really nice. COHEN HOUSE SETH: Father. SANDY: Son. SETH: Uh... I just wanted to make sure you had the camera charged for graduation. SANDY: I do. Although, you're going to have to explain to your nana the whole Ofoto concept. She's not so good with the Internet. SETH: Sure. And when they announce my name, uh, could you... not do that cheer you did for me when I won Capture The Flag at Parents' Weekend? Which cheer was that? SANDY: Oh. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Check out my boy, Cohen. Can you believe how he's growin'? The competition away he's blowin'... SETH: That's the one. Please, don't do that. Ever. SANDY: Despite everything, we're still very proud of you. SETH: Yeah. Damn it. Why does Sandy Cohen have to be the best father ever? SANDY: This is too hard. SETH: Um, Dad, I smoked a joint. I forgot to put it out. That's what started the fre. SANDY: Well, I appreciate you coming clean. But what I can't forgive is... is all the lying. SETH: Yeah, I know. SANDY: You smoked dope, you didn't tell me the truth about Brown, and that you couldn't come to me. SETH: I was embarrassed. SANDY: What? We're your parents. You know, we specialize in embarrassing you. SETH: Yeah, I know. But I felt like I couldn't really talk to you, though. I tried to, a couple of times, but you're always so busy with work and I was afraid of upsetting Mom. SANDY: I understand that, and I'm sorry. Well, we both screwed up. SETH: We're both usually so awesome. SANDY: Well, this is still very serious, isn't it? A couple hundred of thousands of dollars worth of damage, and there's a few offices that have to be rebuilt, and I still need to speak to the police. SETH: Yeah, yeah, I figured. SANDY: But you know what? I don't want any of that standing in the way today. Because your mother and I have been looking forward to this moment for... forever. SETH: No cheer? SANDY: No cheer. How about a hug? SETH: Sure. Thanks, Dad. SANDY: I love you, kid. SETH: I can't say "I love you" to another man. But I have much affection for you, as well. HARBOR SUMMER: Hey. MARISSA: Hey. SUMMER: Everything okay? MARISSA: Can you sit? SUMMER: Okay. Well, how's your dad? MARISSA: Really good, actually. He's not getting bat up by anyone right now, and he's not in charge of anyone's money, so... SUMMER: That's good. MARISSA: He's actually sailing really, really nice boats for rich people. SUMMER: Sounds like fun. MARISSA: I know, that's what I thought. SUMMER: Oh, you want to, like, rent a yacht? We totally should. MARISSA: More like work on one. See, my dad is captain of this yacht that's sailing to the Greek Islands, and he says they need extra crew members. So he asked me if I wanted to go. SUMMER: You don't know how to sail boats. MARISSA: This would be more like, you know, peeling potatoes, washing dishes. SUMMER: Oh, yes, much more in your area of expertise. MARISSA: Yeah, but it's just for a year. SUMMER: What about college? MARISSA: What about college? I'm not meant for college. Not now, anyway. You guys are all leaving, I'm going to be stuck here alone. I need a new life. I need a change. SUMMER: Well, scrubbing decks would definitely be a change. MARISSA: Then it's kind of the perfect graduation present. And you know, this way, I can hang out with my dad. He seems to have turned it around. SUMMER: When would you leave? MARISSA: Well... that's the only thing. The boat is supposed to leave Hawaii middle of the week, so I'd have to fly out tomorrow night. My dad also kind of included the plane ticket. SUMMER: If you promise to sail up to Rhode Island, I'm in. I love you. MARISSA: Love you, too. PICK-UP HEATHER: Wherever you're going, hopefully, they have a Laundromat. KEVIN: What about the cops? HEATHER: I didn't see them. Maybe you're just being paranoid. KEVIN: No... I just, I got to get out of here, you know? I'm just waiting for some cash. HEATHER: You could make that money in no time. If you want to go, go. Unless it's not money you're waiting for. KEVIN: Get in; let's go. HEATHER: You're still thinking about Marissa, aren't you? I mean, you cheated on her, and now you can't stop thinking about her. KEVIN: I asked you for clothes, okay? Not opinions. HEATHER: God, you chicks and your opinions, man. So this girl's the best thing that's ever happened to you. You freaked out, ruined it, and now you regret it. You know, you can walk. KEVIN: And now what? HEATHER: You think that you're gonna convince her to go to Mexico? HARBOR SETH: This is it, dude. Never going to have to step foot in this stupid school or this stupid student lounge again. RYAN: Nostalgic already, huh? SETH: Never going to have to see any of these shoe-peeing, shallow, water polo playing... BOY: Get out of my way, geek. What is that, a dress? SETH: It's a graduation gown; you're wearing one, too. BOY: qeer admitted to wearing a gown. SUMMER: Hey. You guys look so cute. Is everything okay at home? SETH: Sandy Cohen and I got a little man-boy love going. MARISSA: Hey. RYAN: Hey. KIM: Graduates, let's step outside for the processional. MARISSA: Ryan, can I talk to you for a sec? RYAN: Sure, yeah. _____ MARISSA: So what do you think? You think it's the stupidest idea ever, right? RYAN: No, I, uh, it sounds great. It's what you need. MARISSA: That means a lot to me. You know, who would have thought you'd be going to college? RYAN: And you'd be doing manual labor. Well, everyone's doing exactly what they need to. MARISSA: Yeah. RYAN: Hey, um, this is going to sound weird, but can I drive you to the airport? I mean, you were the first person I met here. I'd kind of like to be the last person to say good-bye. MARISSA: You know, it's funny. I was going to ask you the same thing. _____ RYAN: Hey. Let's go graduate. Come on, come on! _____ TAYLOR: They say there's no one older than a high school senior, but no one younger than a college freshman. Well, I guess now we'll find out as we begin our journey. KIM: Daniel Aaron. Ryan Atwood. TAYLOR: But as Cicero said... "I hope the memory of our friendship will be everlasting." KIM: Seth Cohen. SANDY: All right, Sethie! KIM: Marissa Cooper. SUMMER: Yeah! TAYLOR: And just because we're leaving Harbor, does not mean that our learning is done. "We must learn as long as we may live." KIM: Alex Pittabis. Summer Roberts. TAYLOR: But if I could leave you all with one final word of advice... "Don't let the bastards get you down." Thank you. SANDY: Hey, come on back in. Come on, let's get together. KIM: And it has been my pleasure to teach you, to watch you grow, and now enter the world Good luck. It is my honor to present to you the Harbor School Class of 2006. RESTAURANT SANDY: There's no such thing as a little rcist. Excuse me, forgive me, but I'm a very proud father, and I, I want to say a few words. I think I can speak for Kirsten and the other parents here tonight when I tell you kids how thrilled we are to share this wonderful touchstone with you. I know the last few years have been... There's been tragedy and comedy and first loves and broken hearts and family members lost and found. It hasn't all been perfect, but we're all family here. So, cheers. EVERYONE: Cheers. SETH: Hey, the speech wasn't that moving. SUMMER: No, it's just so sad, you know. I mean, it's all over. No more Harbor. Atwood's going to Berkeley, Marissa's sailing around the world. I'm going to Rhode Island. SETH: Well, I'll be there, too. SUMMER: We don't know that yet. We haven't heard from RISD. SETH: Whatever happens, you know, we'll make it work. SUMMER: We will? SETH: Yeah, of course. SUMMER: Sweet. SETH: Are you going to do this all summer? _____ MARISSA: Hey. Um, can I talk to you? JULIE: Yes, of course. Oh! I have to give you your graduation gift. Honey, what's wrong? MARISSA: I kind of have some big news. JULIE:Sweetie, I know. MARISSA: You know? JULIE: Your father called me last week, ran the idea by me, wanted to know what I thought. MARISSA: And what do you think? JULIE: I think that I will miss you terribly and that if you really want to leave, I need to let you go. KAITLIN: I knew about it, too. MARISSA: You did? JULIE: You did? KAITLIN: Mm-hmm. Dad, he called me. Threw the idea by me, asked my opinion and also told me that you might need another daughter to worry about. So that's why I decided to come home... for good. JULIE: Oh, my God. Cooper family hug, come on. Mom. Come on. KAITLIN: Okay. JULIE: Oh, your gift, here. Don't know how much good it'll be on a boat. MARISSA: Oh, Mom, it's beautiful. JULIE: Maybe you'll get attcked by pirates. You can barter it. PARKING RYAN: So where are we going, huh? DAWN: Just trust me. RYAN: I trust you, but... What? You got me a car? You got me a car? You got me a car?! DAWN: Do you like it? RYAN: I love it... I love it. Are you kidding? How did you... DAWN: Oh, I've been saving up for a little while, and Ron, um, my boyfriend, he knows this guy who restores old cars, and so that helped pay for a lot of the parts. I got the bow. RYAN: Car and bow-- amazing. I-I don't know what to say. DAWN: Come here. You want to drive me home in your new ride? RYAN: Sure. Yeah. DAWN: Okay, I'll get my purse. RYAN: Okay. RESTAURANT SUMMER: And... Here. TAYLOR: Hi, guys. SUMMER: Hey. TAYLOR: So I just stopped by to say farewell. SUMMER: You're leaving for the Sorbonne already? TAYLOR: Oh, no, not quite. Sung Ho and I decided to spend the summer in his family's village. We're defusing land mines in the DMZ. SETH: That's the way to spend your summer vacation. SIMMER: But what about the after grad party when you already planned it? TAYLOR: As a gift to the Class of 2006. So my work here is done. It has been a pleasure being second-circle corps. SETH: I think you can join the inner circle. TAYLOR: I can? Oh, my God. The Fab Five! SUMMER: I'm so happy and so sad. TAYLOR: I know, me, too! SETH: This is awkward. I was sort of kidding about that inner circle thing. ____ MARISSA: Hello? KEVIN: Hey, it's me. MARISSA: Why are you calling me? KEVIN: Look, I'm really sorry, okay? And I want to make it up to you. So I got a plan. MARISSA: Oh, yeah? Well, I've got a plan, too. It's called never seeing you again. KEVIN: Look, if I don't get a chance to see you, then I'm gonna make life real bad for your friend Ryan. MARISSA: Don't thrat me... or Ryan. KEVIN: No, no, no, it's not a thrat. KEVIN: Ask him about the car that we stole. RYAN'S CAR SUMMER: This is cool. RYAN: Yeah, yeah, it's a gift from my mom. MARISSA: Oh, yeah? So it's not the one you stole? Volchok called me. RYAN: Look, the whole thing is... MARISSA: Complicated? What does he want? Money to get out of town. And do you have this money? RYAN: Not yet, but... MARISSA: Then let me help you. RYAN: No, it's all right, I got it. MARISSA: Ryan, I brought Volchok on us. It's only fair I help get rid of him. Come on, we're in this together, okay? One last time. RYAN: One last time. COHEN HOUSE DAWN: Thanks so much. I mean it. KIRSTEN: You're welcome. DAWN: For everything. SANDY: Here, here, here, for the cab. DAWN: Oh, God, no. SANDY: Oh, come on. DAWN: No, I got it. SANDY: All right. DAWN: Thank you. SANDY: Thank you. RYAN: Okay. SANDY: Good to see you. RYAN: My turn. DAWN: Okay? RYAN: Okay. DAWN: I'm gonna try and say good-bye without losing it. RYAN: Why don't we just not say good-bye? How about, see you soon? DAWN: See you soon. RYAN: See you soon? DAWN: See you soon, babe. RYAN: All right. DAWN: I love you. RYAN: I love you, too. DAWN: Hey, Seth. Good to see you again. SETH: Good to see you, too. It means a lot that you made it down. I was being sincere. DAWN: Okay, so... RYAN: And thanks again for the car. DAWN: You bet. SETH: Ryan got a car? Really? I been waiting three years for a car. I'm supposed to be the spoiled one. DAWN: See you, kid. RYAN: All right. Bye. MARISSA'S ROOM JULIE: Hey, Marissa, easy on the bass. Oh. Kaitlin. What are you doing? Where's your sister? KAITLIN: Oh, Marissa went to go rendez-vous with Ryan. JULIE: And you thought you'd do some renovations for her? KAITLIN: Well, yeah, she said I could have her room. JULIE: And there's some paint chips in the kitchen if you want to go look. Oh, is this going to be a permanent fixture? KAITLIN: Well, I worked really hard on that. It seems like you and Marissa are on good terms now. JULIE: Yeah, figures. KAITLIN: Just as she's about to set sail. It's pretty cool that you're letting her go. JULIE: It's pretty cool that you came back so she can leave. KAITLIN: Well, I don't love Marissa that much. It's just, all the older kids, they just see me as Marissa's little sister, and they've graduated. And now I can rule Harbor. RYAN'S CAR MARISSA: Hey. Your mom left, huh? It went well? RYAN: Yeah, really well. MARISSA: Well, now we get this out of the way, we'll have nothing left to worry about. RYAN: Mm, nah, I won't know what to do with myself. MARISSA: Oh, I'm sure you'll figure it out. RYAN: You sure your mom's not going to be too offended? MARISSA: Well, I feel bad, but she did say I could use it to barter with pirates. This seems to fit the bill. RYAN: Yeah, definitely. MARISSA: So I'll navigate us to the pawn shop. RYAN: No, I'll go. Just give me the directions. MARISSA: Hey, I thought we decided I was coming along. I'm going to handle this myself. RYAN: Okay, if you come, you're staying in the car. MARISSA: Aww, you know what? RYAN: What? MARISSA: I'm really going to miss you bossing me around. RYAN: You'll get used to it. MARISSA: Nope, nope. RYAN: Yes, you will. MARISSA: For the rest of my life, I'm just gonna be sad about it. SANDY'S EX-OFFICE JASON: Hey, uh... SANDY: Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. JASON: Look, if you came to haggle me on the Ramirez plea, forget about it. I'm up to my ass in unhappy ADAs. SANDY: No, no, I'm just passing through. JASON: What, did you come to admire the wainscoting? SADY: This is my old office. JASON: You're Sandy Cohen? SANDY: My reputation proceeds me? JASON: Well, self-righteous, arrogant and a little nutso? SANDY: I see that it does. JASON: Jason Spitz. SANDY: Nice to meet you. JASON: Nice to meet you. You're a legend. Hey, not to mention, I heard about your post-victory karaoke bar performances. SANDY: Defend the poor, sing the classics. I had a reputation and a routine. JASON: Hey, didn't you go to some high-powered, private firm? SANDY: Oh, for a minute, then I went into the private sector, into big business. JASON: Why'd you want to leave this dump? Long hours, no pay... Not to mention the worst coffee in Southern California. SANDY: Believe it or not, working here were the best days of my life. JASON: Yeah, right. GREG: Grass is always greener, coffee's always fresher. GREG: Sandy Cohen. SANDY: Greg. GREG: Back at the PD's office, huh? SANDY: Thanks for meeting me here on neutral ground. GREG: You ready to talk? SANDY: Yeah. Spitz. JASON: Nice meeting you. SANDY: Hey, what are they asking for? Come on, with a B&E with no priors? You've got to be kidding me. SETH'S ROOM SETH: Come in. KIRSTEN: Hey. What are you doing? SETH: In my third month on this book. I'm hoping to have it finished by fall. KIRSTEN: It's hard to believe you're done with school. You're not a kid anymore. SETH: Well, let's be honest, I was never very kid-like. KIRSTEN: You always were an old soul. SETH: Mom, I want you to know... KIRSTEN: You don't have to apologize. I think that fre was the best thing that could have happened. SETH: Well, then, I did it on purpose. KIRSTEN: Your father's talking to the lawyers, and hopefully, you'll be free and clear. SETH: Okay, good. I just have to wait and hear from RISD. KIRSTEN: Speaking of which, I think there's some mail that you might be interested in. SOMEWHERE RYAN: Again, I think the pearls would have looked good on you. KEVIN: Yeah, you're a funny kid. You got the money? RYAN: Yep. Maybe you can use it to start over. KEVIN: Thanks, Ranger Rick, but save your speeches for the Boy Scouts. "Ranger Rick." Ow, that hurts. RYAN: Whatever, man. We're done. KEVIN: We're not done yet, man. I just want to talk to her. RYAN: Send her a postcard. KEVIN: Marissa? Come on... RYAN: Drive, drive. Let's go. Lets' go! KEVIN: I just want to talk to you, okay? Wait. Wait! I just want to talk to you. Don't... Wait! MARISSA'S ROOM JULIE: Hey, honey. So I guess this is it, huh? MARISSA: Yeah. I guess so. JULIE: Marissa, I just want you to know that everything I ever did- good, bad or otherwise-- I did it for you. So that you could have a better life than I had. And I know I wasn't perfect. I mean, the thing with Luke, and trying to frame Ryan for attempted homicide... MARISSA: Mom. I love you. Okay, just know that. JULIE: Oh, sweetheart, that's all I wanted. I love you, too. MARISSA: Besides, you know the strength it takes to start over? To go out on my own? That has to come from being Julie Cooper's daughter. JULIE: I am spirited, aren't I? MARISSA: Yeah. KAITLIN: Hey. Ryan and Seth are here. MARISSA: All right, um... I guess I better go. You've got to promise to keep things interesting for Mom next year, okay? KAITLIN: Oh, that won't be a problem. JULIE: Wait. One more Cooper family hug. _____ MARISSA: Coop, do you know where this party is? I think it's in the flower streets, but it could be in the number streets. SUMMER: I'll check the e-vite. SETH: May I ask a question? Why are we going to another lame Harbor party? RYAN: Yeah, it is Marissa's last night in town. SUMMER: Yeah. We always wind up just talking to each other. RYAN: All right, so, uh, Bait Shop, uh, diner... MARISSA: Wait, I know somewhere where we could go. But you'll have to follow in your car. COHEN HOUSE SANDY: It's a little something, just because I love you. KIRSTEN: Uh-oh. Flowers usually means bad news. SANDY: Oh, ye of little faith. No, I spoke to the DA, came clean about the accident, and since we're not gonna press charges, the whole thing will blow over. KIRSTEN: And then it's back to the Newport Group, business as usual? SANDY: Well... how about not? I went back to my old office, the place looked worse than ever. The guy in there was beaten down, exhausted... Oh, it was a thing of beauty. KIRSTEN: You want to go back. SANDY: Where are the kids? MARISSA: At some party. And then Ryan's taking Marissa to the airport. SANDY: Oh. So this is what it'll be like all next year, huh? Empty nest. KIRSTEN: What does one do in an empty nest? SANDY: Oh, I have a few ideas. MODEL HOME RYAN: Okay, this, uh, this looks familiar. MARISSA: Yeah? Well, it shouldn't. They rebuilt it completely after you burnt it down. SETH: Model home. MARISSA: Yep. It's for sale. And it's completely deserted. ______ SUMMER: You guys ever wonder what life would be like if Atwood never came here? MARISSA: I definitely never would have talked to Seth. SUMMER: Oh, hell, no. Me, either. RYAN: See? You owe me one, buddy. SETH: Me? She'd still be dating a dude who shaves his chest. SUMMER: I can't believe that for a minute I was actually interested in Atwood. No offense. RYAN: None taken, biatch. MARISSA: It was only until you found out he was from Chino. SUMMER: Exactly. RYAN: You actually invited me to Holly's Beach House. SUMMER: Oh, my God. SETH: You said she invited me. I'm not faring well on this trip down memory lane. MARISSA: Well, as fun as it usually is making fun of Seth, I think it's time I should go. SETH: Aw, here come the waterworks. SUMMER: I can't believe that I'm saying bye to you. MARISSA: I know. SUMMER: I love you so much. MARISSA: I love you, too. SUMMER: You're my best friend forever, okay? And if you wind up hooking up with some hot Greek shipping heir, I'm so your maid of honor. MARISSA: I know. See ya. SETH: All right, see you later. SUMMER: You guys, hug. SETH: All right. MARISSA: Bye. I've got to get changed. RYAN: All right, see you in a while. SUMMER: Okay. _____ RYAN: You okay? MARISSA: Yeah. RYAN: It's so weird talking about that night. Last time we were here, I was leaving, and now you are. MARISSA: That night... did you ever think we'd end up together? RYAN: You saying it's over? You never know. Right? MARISSA: I'm sorry... for all the craziness. RYAN: I wouldn't have done it any differently. Except maybe Oliver. MARISSA: Me, too. KEVIN'S CAR HEATHER: Okay, we had fun times stalking rich kids. Maybe I should drive? KEVIN: No. SETH'S ROOM SUMMER: Whoa, what is this? SETH: Your graduation present. SUMMER: Oh, my God, it's a 60-inch high-def flat screen. SETH: Uh, maybe... SUMMER: It's empty. SETH: No, it's not. SUMMER: Ow. What is this? "Dear Mr. Cohen, while your application arrived too late for our fall semester, we are happy to announce that your application has been approved." You got in! SETH: Yeah. I start in January. Let me just say again how sorry I am for messing up the college thing and lying to you and hurting you and you know... SUMMER: Hey. Look, it's okay, 'cause everything happened the way it was supposed to. SETH: Well, then I did it on purpose. SUMMER: Okay. So I'll go to Rhode Island, and I'll get the lay of the land. SETH: Yeah, then we'll have Thanksgiving, Christmas, then we'll be together. SUMMER: I think I'm going to cry again. SETH: Uh, tears of joy? SUMMER: Come on, thanks for letting me in your box. SETH: What are we doing? RYAN'S CAR RYAN: Are you, uh, you okay? You ready for this? MARISSA: I have no idea. What about you? I mean, you're the one who's leaving the Cohens, doing the college thing. RYAN: I'm terrified. MARISSA: Me, too. RYAN: So if you ever want to talk or email, if they have that... I don't how boats work, you know... MARISSA: I'll find a way to stay in touch. What's that? RYAN: It's this guy; he's been following me. Go ahead, go ahead, pass! What is he doing? MARISSA: What the hell? RYAN: All right, hold on. MARISSA: Whoa! Oh, my God, it's him. What are you doing?! Oh, my God! Okay, pull over! RYAN: Where?! MARISSA: Stop! What the hell are you doing?! KEVIN: I'm gonna get him to pull the car over, so we can finally finish this! MARISSA: Get away, okay! You're gonna make us crash! KEVIN: Pull over! Stop it! MARISSA: Ryan, look out! They crashed. RYAN: Marissa. Marissa. Marissa. Marissa. Marissa. Marissa. MARISSA: Ryan. RYAN: Okay. Okay. Okay, I'm going to get help, okay? MARISSA: No, don't leave. RYAN: Yeah, yeah. I've got to get help. MARISSA: No. Stay. D-Don't leave. RYAN: Okay. Hold on. Hold on, okay? Okay? Hold on. Hold on. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay... Marissa. Marissa. Marissa. She dies in Ryan's arms.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "03x25 - The Graduates"}	foreverdreaming
5 months later At Ryan's Ryan: Hello? Hi. Right now,no. Yeah. Yeah,okay. I'll be right there. At the pub Sandy: Is he here? Thank you.You've been very helpful. Hey,Ryan,you there? I just want to talk to you for a minute. Come on.We miss you! We're worried about you. At Roberts' Julie: Hey,Kaitlin,why aren't you in school? Kaitlin: Because it's 8:00 at night and a Saturday. Julie: Oh,that's nice. Well,I guess I'm going to get going. Kaitlin: Where are you going? You know you're not supposed to be driving at night anymore. Julie: Great boots,baby. Kaitlin: Mom,maybe I should go with you. At the motel Julie: Hey,Ryan. Come on in. Généric 36 hours earlier At Seth's bedroom Seth: So Friday morning,a little check-in before the weekend. I'm still here,kicking it Newport style. I can't believe I just said that. But,uh,yeah,things are good. Ryan's decision to defer college seems to be working out well. He's got a new place,new job,made some new friends. Sandy Cohen is doing what he does best,fighting the man,sticking up for the little guy. At Sandy's office Sandy: I don't care if a plea helps the judge make his tee time. Listen,listen,I've got to go.My kid's here. All right. Seth on voice-over: Big news,the other day I went roast beef,he went turkey. Roast beef wasn't as rare as I like,but he's really turned me on to the spicy mustard. And my mom,she's more of a honey mustard gal, which I discovered the other day when she invited me to join her for a Newpsie luncheon. They're actually not that bad if you take the time to get to know them. And that Teran,one of the great dry wits. At Cohens' Taryn: And I said,Honey,that is not toothpaste. Seth: It's not toothpaste. Tell us another. Voice-over: Although she's not a fan of tuna,but do you know who is? At Roberts' Neil: This is the sht. Voice-over: Me and your dad have really bonded. Been a lot of that,me and adults bonding. Neil: No! How could he miss that? Voice-over: Although I do see Kaitlin from time to time. You'll never guess who she's befriended- Brad and Eric Ward,Luke's twin brothers. They seem to be a chip right off Luke's block. Taylor sent me some pics from Paris- did you get them,too? Her e-mail was in French.I'm not quite sure what it said. Maybe your French is better than mine. Anyway,it was good to catch up. Only a couple more months until I'm at RISD and we're together. At Brown's college Che: Summer,we got to get out on the quad.This thing' going down,like,right now. Summer: Chafe,hey,um,what are we protesting? Che: The chickens,man.It's the chickens! Summer: Right,okay,just give me a sec. Che: Every second that goes by,another chicken is caged. Summer: Then let's get out there. Che: Yeah. At the comics bookstore Seth: What? I'm sorry,maybe I didn't understand you correctly. Did you seriously just ask if there was a comic book based on the X-Men movie? Kirsten: Hey,sweetheart. How's work? Seth: Uh,I'm worried,Mom. I'm worried about the future of America. Leon. Leon: The whole world's going to hell. Kirsten: Hey,Leon. I brought some... Seth: Another care package for Ryan? Kirsten: Well,just a few things: coffee,bagels,cereal, and I was hoping you could put in some comic books,but nothing too dark. Seth: I'm sure some Archie and Jughead will cheer him right up. Kirsten: Seth. Seth: I don't know what you're expecting,Mom.The guy's changed.I will take the care package over where'll it'll sit next to all the other ones he hasn't opened in the last five months. Kirsten: Why don't you invite him for dinner? Seth: He didn't go to Marissa's funeral. You really think he wants to come over for family dinner at the Cohen's? At Roberts' Neil: Julie! Julie,what on God's formerly green Earth are you doing? Julie: Oh,hi. Am I making too much noise? Neil: For the people who live in San Diego,no,but for the rest of us,yes. Julie: I was surveying the yard this morning. I think Ernesto has gotten sloppy with these scrubs. Neil: Julie,stop it. Julie,stop it. Turn that...Put that thing down. Take off the goggles and talk to me. That would also require your removing the kerchief from around your mouth.Thank you. You want to hire new landscapers?I'll be happy to do the interviews. Julie: That's a good idea,honey. Neil: Listen to me. I know that all this busybody business is your way of coping with an unspeakable grief but you're either going 100 miles an hour at the bushes or you're catatonic in bed. Julie: Oh,I'm just so tired from all the yard work. Neil: Julie,I'm not saying get over it. I'm not telling you to move on. I want you to take as long as you need,but would you please just let me in? Just let me help. Julie: Okay... you hire the landscapers. I'm going to go plug in my glue gn and finish those sea grass placemats I started last night. Thanks,hon. Neil: Hey,Kaitlin,can I give you a ride to school? Kaitlin: Thanks. You know,it's nothing personal. She ignores me,too. I'm starting to think it's a good thing. At Ryan's Seth: Ryan! Ryan! Ryan: Seth,go away.I'm sleeping. Seth: You're sleeping? And you're talking? Ryan,I don't even see how that's possible unless you're talking in your sleep. Hey,look,you're awake. Ryan: Package from your mom.Thank you. Seth: Yeah. Aren't you going to invite me in? So the utility closet is the new pool house.Things change. It's the Seth Ryan time that counts. Ryan: I'm tired Seth.I work nights. Seth: Right,but you don't work tonight,I checked with your boss, which is why I'm inviting you to dinner with us. Just show up.Eat some food,let my parents see that you're still alive. It'd mean a lot to them,and it'd mean a lot to me. Ryan: Yeah,okay,sure,I'll see you tonight. Seth: Great. Hey,what are you doing? I was going to get some ice cream or something. Okay. At Brown's college Che: They're chicken They can't defend themselves. What are they going to do,unionize? Strike for better living conditions? It is up to us,man,to speak for them! Give poultry a voice! Summer: Chicken lovers of the world,unite! Man: I love chicken.Nuggets are delicious. Summer: It is people like you keeping the chickens from flying free. Man: Chickens can't fly. Che: Oh,who are you to say that chickens can't fly. All it takes is one brave chicken to spread his wings and fly into the abyss. Summer: Yeah. Thanks,Chafe. Hello. Taylor: Bonjour! Summer: Taylor? Oh,my God. Taylor: I think you mean mon Dieu,Summer. Yes,c'est moi. Summer: How's Paris? Taylor: Incroyable. You know,being an expat totally suits me. Except that I miss you. Summer: You can only parlez so much Francais until you start to get a little nostalgic for the motherland. Taylor: Summer! Summer: One sec,Taylor. Che: The copy shop is about to close. We got to run off some more flyers. Summer: Totally. Tell them to use the recycled paper. Taylor,you know what?I actually have to go. Taylor: Oh,pas un problème. Summer: Well,it was great to talk to you. Listen,don't be a stranger,and have a great time in Paris. Taylor: Vive la France,Summer. Vive la France! At coffee shop Taylor: Can I get a little more coffee? Thank you. At Cohen's house Kirsten: Okay,taste this and tell me if it's ready. Sandy: It's hot! Kirsten: It is so hot! Did I overcook it? Sandy: It is definitely not undercooked. Seth: Table's set for four.Actually feels kind of weird. Sandy: Well,things have been a little weird around here until lately. Tonight might not be any different. We shouldn't be expecting any miracles. Seth: No zippy one-liners? Kirsten: Not a lot of smiles. Sandy: A few grunts.An occasional shrug. Kirsten: Yeah,it'll be just like old times. I'm looking forward to it. He'll be here any minute. So,ready or not,the pasta is coming off the stove. Sandy: Oh,stand back,son.She's ready to blow. Seth: 'Cause it's hot,that's funny. At the club Man: Hey,man,good to see you. I heard you making plans with that kid.I didn't think you were going to show. Ryan: I wouldn't miss it. Man: All right,you drew that guy. Ryan: No,no.Not tonight. What about him? Man: What are you,crazy? Ryan: No.I'm good. Man: All right. At Cohen's Sandy: Well,I thought dinner was excellent. Kirsten: Do you think anything happened to him? Sandy: Ryan,it's Sandy again. The microwave still works,if you feel like dropping by. And,even if you don't,please call,huh? Let us know you're okay. Kirsten: Should we call the police? Hospitals? Seth: No.Mom,he's fine. Well,he's not,you know,fine,but he's not coming. Kirsten: Well,even if Ryan didn't want to come,he would have called,Ryan always calls. Where are you going? Sandy: I'm going to try and talk to him. Seth: No offense,Dad,but I don't think he is going to be in the mood for one of your pep talks right now, as inspiring and motivational as they usually are. I'll go. Sandy: Thanks for the compliment,however backhanded.Are you sure? Kirsten: Do you want your father to go with you? Seth: No,I got it. On the jetty Twin 1: Dude,this place is crawling with Security. You really think it's the best place to smoke up? Kaitlin: They're just a bunch of rent-a-cops,and this shwag you guys gave me is barely pot anyway. We might as well be smoking dirt. Twiin 2: Sorry. The guy said that's all he had. Kaitlin: Yeah,just blame it on your lame dealer. But,if I don't get an "A" in chemistry,I have only you two to blame. So,less whining,more lab reporting. Oh,no. Twin 1: What? Cops? Kaitlin: No. Twin 2: Who's that skank with Dr.Roberts? I know that chick. Oh,yeah. That's Gloria. Kaitlin: Gloria? Why does that sound familiar? Twin 2: She used to be friends with our mom. Twin 1:Before Dr.Roberts divorced her. Kaitlin: So that's the step-monster? At the pub Seth: I'm trying to hold it together here,but... I'm sorry I know you're doing the college thing,I know I'm supposed to give you space. Just,um... call when you can,okay? Bye. Man: Dude,I hear that kid from the bar is going to get his ass kicked. At the club Man: Do it! Other man: Do it! At Brown's college Answering machine: Hey,Summer,you probably can't hear your phone right now because of all the noise at your awesome college party. I hope it's awesome. I realize that sounded sarcastic,but,genuinely,I hope you're having a good night. I'm just in some sketchy neighborhood trying to find Ryan. Che: Hey,it's your turn to jam on the didg. Summer: Okay,I'll just be there in a sec,okay? Che: Okay.Is everything all right? Summer: Yeah. It's just,when I left to move out here,everything was kind of a mess at home. Che: Well,it's about to get worse. If the polar ice caps keep melting at their current rate,all of Newport Beach is going to be underwater in ten years. Summer: Right. Well,it's a little more than that. Everyone hasn't really moved on like I have. I think my friends need me. Che: Hey,Summer,wherever you go... there you are. Answering machine: Not to sound like my mom,but I'm worried about him. He could be in real trouble this time. At Roberts' Julie: Hello. Neil: Julie!My God!Are you all right? What happened?Was there an earthquake I didn't hear? Julie: No.Help me. I was just trying to rearrange some furniture. I got some very helpful tips from HGTV. Neil: Oh,great,and they suggested that you try to move a built-in? Julie: I didn't know it was a built-in. Neil: Well,it's not anymore. Kaitlin: Mom,what are you doing? Rearranging the furniture? It's a built-in. Julie: Yes,thank you. Kaitlin: Dr.Roberts wasn't there to help you? Julie: Yeah,Neil.Where have you been? Neil: I had a procedure. Kaitlin: Emergency tummy tuck. Thank God you were there to prevent a tragedy from occurring. Julie: I have no feeling in my extremities. Neil! I'm sure you have a pill for that. Julie: Back off,Neil. I was almost just klled by your heinous furniture. Neil: It's mahogany. It was original with the house. At the club Man: Well,man,you do draw a crowd. They haven't seen a human punching bag before. Here's your money.You earned it. Ryan: No,no. Keep it. Man: Suit yourself. How you going to pay for your hospital bill? I'll see you. Seth: Hey,man. I saw your little performance.This is very Fight Club. Of course,at the end of that movie,it turns out Edward Norton's insane. Ryan: Sorry I missed dinner. Seth: Well,not as sorry as my parents. You want to tell them about your new vocation,or should I? Ryan: I'm not going to tell them about it,and neither are you. Sorry. Just forget it. Sandy: Well,I don't know.Sandy's got a really good memory. Seth: It's not going to be so easy for him to forget the kid he adopted, and my mom's still kind of fond of you,so... Ryan: I'm doing you guys a favor staying away. Seth: You're doing us a favor? Face it,man.I bring trouble. Ryan: Trey,Volchok,you and your family- you're... you're better off without me. Seth: It's not true.It's not your fault. Any of it. I'm not going to go anywhere until you come with me. Ryan: Yeah? What are you going to do? You going to fight me? Seth: Well,seeing as how you don't fight back... Ryan: I just don't any more,okay? At Cohen's Kirsten: Pancakes extra fluffy. Sandy: Bacon extra crispy. Kirsten: So start talking. Seth: If you think you can ply me with food... you're right,this bacon is delicious. Sandy: Thank you. Seth: But I already told you everything last night. Kirsten: Yes,you gave us the facts- he's working,he's busy,he forgot. Sandy: Yeah,but we're not buying it. Seth: That's what he said. What are you looking for from me? Sandy: Reading between the lines. Kirsten: Subtext? Sandy: How'd he look? Seth: Uh,he's looked better. But he's looked worse. You know,he might have cut himself shaving or something,uh,had a few nicks here and there. Kirsten: He was bleeding? Seth: The bleeding had stopped. You know,they actually have coffee at work,which is where I'm going. So thank you very much for breakfast,and if I hear of anything else I will let you know. And,you guys,probably best just to give him a little more time. Kirsten: How much more time until we can't reach him? Sandy: I'm going to check in on Ryan right after work. At the shopping center Summer: Cohen! I was just looking for you. Seth: Summer,what are you doing here? Summer: I got your message. Seth: Oh,I'm sorry,I didn't... mean for you to,uh... Summer: It sounded like an emergency. Seth: Oh,uh... Yeah,no,it kind of is. Summer: Well,I'm here to help. Seth: I'm so glad you came home for me. Summer: And for Ryan. Seth: Yeah,no,that's what I meant. Summer: Right. At the gym Neil: Hey,Kaitlin... didn't hear you come in. Kaitlin: Yeah,with your manly grunts,how could you? Neil: It's important to keep in shape. Kaitlin: They say sex is a really good form of exercise, although I doubt you're getting any with my mother these days. Neil: Our personal life is personal. Kirsten: Let's talk about your personal life with those other than my mother. Neil: Listen,young lady... I don't think I understand what you're talking about. So,if you'll excuse me. Kaitlin: So yesterday when you said you were at work... do you always do your consults down by the beach? With a leggy blonde? One you used to be married to? Neil: I don't know what you think you saw, but adult relationships can be very complex. Kaitlin: I know. And that's why I was going to ask my mother to explain. Then I thought with everything that's happened to her,to us,I didn't want to upset her. Neil: That's a good instinct. Kaitlin: But then I was going to ask her another question. About these leather boots I saw down at the plaza. They're really cute,and really expensive.I'm a seven and a half. At the Roberts' Kirsten: Hey,Brad,Eric. Brad: Hey,Mrs.Cohen. Eric: Man,is she hot. Brad: Smoking. Kirsten: Hey,sweetheart,how's your mother? Kaitlin: She's recovering from an unfortunate accident with a wall unit. Kirsten: I told her it was a built-in. kaitlin: She's in her room if you want to go in. It's not like she'll know you're there anyway. At the shopping center Summer: $1,500 for a pair of boots? Do you know how many pencils I could buy Sudanese school children? Intro to Developing Nations,it's one of my favorite classes. Seth: Yeah,I can see that.It's very cool. Summer: Followed closely by Environmental Studies. Gosh,this is a non-renewable resource.I can't believe this place doesn't have a recycling program. Seth: You should call our local councilman. Summer: Good idea. Seth: I was being sarcastic. Summer: Oh,I don't do sarcasm anymore,I'm post-ironic. Seth: You mean earnest? Summer: Hey,I'm not here to help the environment,okay? I'm here to help Ryan. Seth: Except he doesn't want our help right now, so why don't I take you home?You can drop off your bag. Summer: No.You know what ? I'm just going to meet my dad for dinner and then come right back here,so... Seth: So you're not even going home? Summer: No. Seth: Yes.Of course. Summer: I just don't know if we'll have time.I mean,we have a lot of work to do. 3,000 miles at 30,000 feet,I had a lot of time to think. Rally up your geek army. I have a plan. At the Roberts' Kirsten: Julie,it's me. Julie: Kirsten? Kirsten: Yeah. Can I come in? Julie: Today's not a good day. Kirsten: I know. None of them are,but hiding in your room won't make it better. Julie: Oh,thank God it's you. I was starting to think you'd forgotten about me. Kirsten: We can sit outside and talk. I'll make some tea. Julie: Can I call you back? Kirsten,it's so thoughtful of you to stop by. But as you can see,everything's fine. Kirsten: But you said it wasn't a good day. Julie: For visitors,because I'm so very busy. Thanks for stopping by,Keeks. Oh,love your top. At the yatch club Neil: Can we have a table for two,please? My little girl is home. Summer: Dad,I'm going to use the bathroom,then I'll find you. Neil: Okay. Taylor: Excuse me, excuse me, would you pls hurry up ! "To go" means "to go," implying in a hurry. I mean,how long does it take to club a turkey? Barmaid: Should I put it on your family's tab? Summer: Considering I have no money other than euros,yes. Taylor: Oh,my God. Summer. Summer: I just talked to you,you were in France. Taylor: And you were in Rhode Island. It's just amazing the way this world works. Summer: What are you doing back in Newport? Are you meeting your mom? Taylor: My mom,no.My mom is in Cabo,she won't... be back for a few days. Oh,my God,my mom. You never saw me. At the Roberts' Julie: Ryan,it's Julie. Can we see each other really soon ? It's important. At the motel Ryan: What's this? Julie: It's why I needed to see you. You see,after it happened,I hired a private investigator to find out where he went. Volchok. And now I know. All the information is in this file. I'm not giving it to the cops. Jail's too good for him. I'm giving it to you. You're the only person who can understand how I feel. And you can do with it,with him,what you want. Ryan: I don't want it. Julie: What? Ryan: I don't care about him,I don't care about any of it,and I don't want to start. Julie: That's a-That's a lie,Ryan. That's... I know you. Even if you didn't come to her funeral or never visit her grave,you still care. At the comics bookstore Seth! You know,I don't usually refer to myself as a genius,but I may have to make an exception. Leon,how is the ink coming? Hey! Am I the only one who's working here? Summer: Get off,mouth breather. Seth: Summer,if you want to go home and shower,we can take it from here. No,we can't.I want to go home and shower. Summer: That's okay,I'll just take a little sponge bath in the ladies room. Seth: Really? Because you're normally pretty rigorously about your bathing. Summer: I'm going to go get Ryan. Seth: Yeah,okay,great,it's just,um,I mean,you haven't even been home yet. You don't want to drop off your bag or... Summer: What's the point of going home ? If the polar ice caps keep melting at their current rate,all of Newport will be under water in ten years anyway. At the pub Ryan: Summer. Summer: Hey,Atwood. Ryan: If you came here to talk... Summer: You're not talking. I got it. Great to see you,too. I really like what you've done with your whole face. So,I'm going to need you to come with me now. Ryan: Can't do it; got to work. Summer: Right. Running that germy rag across those filthy tables,it's really important stuff. Look,I just flew 3,000 miles... Ryan: I didn't ask you to. Summer: No,Seth did. He's worried about you. So are the Cohens. I know you think that you're protecting them,but... you're not,you're just hurting them. Besides,Seth keeps leaving me these endless whiny messages. They're totally clogging up my voice mail. Ryan,come on,take a deep breath. Just let me do what I do best. Ryan: Which is what? Summer: Giving orders. Just do what I say,Atwood,one last time. At the Roberts' Neil: Did I see Kaitlin driving off in the Lexus? The silent treatment,huh? So I guess Kaitlin has talked to you. Julie,I didn't mean for this to happen. I just needed somebody to talk to, and at first that's all it was,just...talk. But you're not even listening to me,are you? Julie: What? Neil: Nothing. Centre commercial Ryan: So why are we going to the comic bookstore? Summer: Because I said so and you agreed to do what I said,so... Ryan: As I told Seth,I don't really want to...talk. Sandy: You don't have to talk. You don't even have to listen. Kirsten: All you have to do is read. Seth: Look,Leon,lights. Ryan: Wh-Wh-What's this? You made me a comic book? Seth: This is no ordinary comic book,my friend. This is an origin story. Now you may never save the planet,but you did save us,so this is our story. Now,it's true when you showed up,I had a super power,but it was one I didn't want. Being invisible,not as much fun as it sounds. And the ice queen was surrounded by an impenetrable force field. And her silver cell phone was her only link to the outside world. The litigator strained to hold up the weight of the world so burdened with the problems of others that he couldn't see those of his own family. One day the litigator brought his work home with him. Only this time,his work looked strangely like a young Russell Crowe. Ryan: It's okay,Seth,I can read. In the car Sandy: Well,here we are. Ryan: That's it. Sandy: Thanks for taking the time, letting us make fools of ourselves. It meant a lot to Seth. And to Kirsten. Not so much to me. I'm no softy. Ryan: No,I know. Sandy: You should probably get going. You're late. Ryan: I hope they don't fre me. Sandy: I bet they got great benefits,huh? Good dental? The accommodations ? Ryan: Yeah,uh... yeah,actually,about that,I... If I,you know,ever wanted to,you know,once in a while... The,uh,the pool house is probably filled with boxes,right? Sandy: It's exactly the way you left it. A little too empty if you ask me. Ryan: Well,it wouldn't take me too long to pack. Sandy: Kirsten's got some leftovers from last night. Ryan: Thanks. Thank you. Sandy: You know,at the risk of saying too much... being there with her when it happened, you're never going to get over it, but you'll get used to it. Just let yourself feel what you need to feel,even if if hurts. Ryan: Yeah,one step at a time,okay? Sandy: Okay,I'm going to shut up now. Ryan: Like,uh,giving these guys some notice,packing my toothbrush. Sandy: Let me buy you a toothbrush. Ryan: You got it. See you at home. At the Roberts' Seth: Well,it seems like Ryan really went for it. Summer: Seems like it. Seth: Yeah. I couldn't have done it without you. Summer: Yeah,totally,since it was my idea and I got him to show up. Seth: Sure,no,that's what I meant,so... thank you. Summer: Yeah. Why don't you go home and see if Ryan's there. You know,I really want to know what happened. Seth: Sure,okay. Another good idea. I'll call you. Summer: Okay. Seth: Tomorrow,you want to get breakfast at the diner like old times? Summer: Sure. Seth: Okay. At the pub Man: Hey,man. I heard you were getting out of here. Can't say I blame you. Guy from last night,he's looking for another round if you're interested. In the taxi Summer: Hey,Cohen,it's me. I really hope Ryan was there when you got back, because I won't be. I totally forgot there's this protest against seal poachers and,um, Heather Mills McCartney is going to be there. I just want to see how she's doing,you know,with everything after the divorce and all,so... listen,I'm sorry,but,uh,Thanksgiving is only a few weeks away. So... okay.. I love you. Give a hoot,don't pollute.Bye. At the cemetery Julie: I was wondering when you'd finally come here. Ryan: Thanks for meeting me. Julie: I'm here every day. Ryan: You have it? Julie: If you don't mind me asking,what changed your mind? Ryan: I just realized... I have to do this. The End.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x01 - The Avengers"}	foreverdreaming
At Cohen's Julie: Hello? Ryan: It's me, I'm leaving. Julie: Do you need anything? Ryan: No. Seth's bedroom Seth: So when does the plane land in Providence? Half an hour? Well, okay, but I need to talk to her now. Do you think you could maybe connect me to the pilot? I'm... Damn it. At Roberts' Julie: It took the investigator six months to find Volchok. Ryan, this may be the only chance we get. Ryan: He's not going to get away. I'll call you later. At Cohen's house Seth: Ryan, hey, you're up bright and early. Ryan: I'm late. Seth: Really? Late where? It's 6:00 in the morning. You got a paper route or something? Ryan: The gym. Oh. Seth: Could you drop me off at the store? There's a new Supergirl maquette coming in and I want to be there before Philip and Leon get their greasy paws on it. Ryan: Yeah, the gym's the other way, I'm sorry. Seth: I heard you on the phone. Ryan: You were spying on me? Seth: I wasn't spying on you. I was calling Summer to find out why she left. What are you doing? Ryan: It's none of your business. Seth: Listen, if you know where Volchok is, let's just call the police. Ryan: No, I'm not calling the police. Seth: I can't let you go. Ryan: It's not really your choice. Seth: So what? Then, you're just going to find Volchok and either kll him or get yourself klled? That's insane. Ryan: This conversation is over. What are you... what are you doing? Seth: I'm coming with you. It's not like you're leaving me any choice. Ryan: I'm going to tell the cops. I just need to see him first. Seth: No offense, but, like, nobody believes that. Ryan: If I tell Sandy or the cops, they'll make me stay away. I need to be there when they arrest him. The only way for me to do that is if I'm there first. Seth: Okay, take me with you. Ryan: No. Seth: I won't get in the way. You know how stealth I can be. Why not? If that's really all you're going to do. Ryan: Okay. You have to do everything I say. Seth: All right, you're the boss. So where we going? Ryan: Mexico. Seth: Perfect, I need Chiclets. Généric At Brown's college Che: They call this a place of higher learning. I'll tell you what I'm learning. I'm learning to think for myself. I'm learning that what they call their property... No, it's our world. Summer! Hey! Summer: Hey. Che: It's so good to see you Where have you been? Summer: Oh, um, I had to go home. It was kind of an emergency, but everything's okay now. It was just hard being there. Che: What an amazing spirit you have. I'll bet you, in a past life, you were an eagle, soaring through mountain passes. Do you ever have dreams of flying? Summer: No, not really. What's going on? Che: Oh, right, the present, yes. 19:00 hours last night, the board of trustees-- talk about an oxymoron-- voted to cut down this majestic tree. Summer: What? They can't do that. Che: Exactly. Summer: I mean, this tree was, was an acorn in the primordial miasma of America. Che: It saw the rise of this country, Summer, and in my opinion, its fall. Now they want to cut it down so some hung over hm can get to Poli-Sci ten seconds faster. Summer: So what's the plan? Che: The plan is to open people's minds. The plan is to rejec their dollar-driven notions of progress. Summer: Che, what's the actual plan? Che: Oh, yeah, uh, the actual plan. We've got a petition and a 24-hour tree-sit set to go so if that doesn't work, revolution. Summer: Okay, well, why don't we just start with the tree-sit? Che: I am so glad you're back. So is Mother Earth. Mm. She loves you very much. Summer: I love her. Che: Good. Okay. Summer's with us! (activists clapping) Summer's bedroom MACHINE VOICE: You have no new messages. Taylor: Seth left you a message last night, but I accidentally erased it. Summer: Hey. Taylor? What are you doing in my bed? Taylor: Do you want to get in? We could snuggle. Summer: No. Um, what are you doing here and why are you listening to my messages, Taylor? Taylor: I don't suppose you have an espresso maker. Summer: What are you wearing? Taylor: What? I always sleep in this. Summer: Okay, just put this on... immediately. Okay, now, will you tell me what's going on? First, you're in Newport when you're supposed to be in France. Then, your mom shows up and you run away and-- How did you get here before me? Do you have a secret twin? Because that would explain so much. Taylor: Okay, okay, sit down. I'm going to explain everything to you. So, um... Something... happened in France. Just something... huge. And, uh, I came back to tell my mom about it, and then, I just got really scared and, uh, I was completely lost, Summer. But then I realized that you... were the one person who would understand.Summer, I... Oh, my God. When was the last time you shaved your legs? It's like a forest, and-- Oh, my God, your toenails. Summer: Okay, yeah, I don't do that stuff anymore. Taylor: Obviously. You've got hobbit feet. Che: Summer? Enrique just saw two guys with chainsaws. This thing is going down right now. Summer: Okay, um,... Taylor, I'm sorry; my dining card is on the desk. We will talk about this later, I promise, okay? Taylor: Okay. At Harbor Woman: Six absentees, 13 tardies? Mr. Street said she fell asleep twice in Latin. Julie: Well, you can't blame her for that. I'm getting no reception. How many bars do you have?Woman: She has a whole slew of missed assignments, and during bio lab, Mr. Castle got the strong sense Kaitlin was flirting with him. Julie: Is he the really short one? I'm, I'm sure she just thought he was a student. Woman: Mrs. Cooper, you're in the office of the dean of discipline. This doesn't happen because of misunderstandings. Julie: Right, well, Dear Torres, Kaitlin tests in the top three percent of her class. She's a natural leader. Surely, this is just... Woman: All the more reason she shouldn't waste her potential. Tell me, how are things at home? Julie: Good. Things are good. I don't know what to say. Yes, things have been difficult, but we're doing our best. Neil works a lot. He actually just left this morning for a conference in Seattle. But he and Kaitlin are good friends and, and things are good. Woman: And you and Kaitlin? Talk about school, her life? Julie: I'm sorry, look, Kaitlin is 15 years old. If I don't find voodoo dolls of myself in her bedroom, I'm happy. Woman: Harbor's running a clothing drive for the refugees in Darfur. Julie: That's a great idea; I'll make sure she's there. Woman: Julie... On a different note, do you know if cell phones work in Mexico? I'd like you and Kaitlin to do the clothing drive together. Julie: Excuse me? At Cohen's house Kirsten: That's exactly what I said. Sandy: And there was nothing else? Kirsten: Nothing. Sandy: Angry? Nudfo? Chocolate love? Nude fo... Nudfo? Is that a word? Kirsten: Not that I know of. Sandy: When did you find this? Kirsten: Just now, when I went to see if the boys had anything to give to the clothing drive. Sandy: You tried calling them? Kirsten: No answer. Sandy: You know what I think this is? Kirsten: A coded message? Sandy: Nothing. It's probably the name of a band. Seth wrote it ona piece of paper and put it in his pocket. Relax, sweetheart. Seth: Dad, it's me. Sandy: Hello. Seth: Did you get my note? I had to write it in code in case Ryan found it. Sandy: Right, the note. Seth: Yeah, he says he's not going to do anything to Volchok. Sandy: Wait, wait, what? Seth: I thought you got the note. Sandy: No, no, no. I got the "Angry Nudfo Chocolate Love" note. I didn't get the one about Ryan following Volchok. Kirsten: What? Seth:It's an anagram. Sandy: Oh, yeah? Well, since when is there a G in Ryan? Seth: I was in a rush; I had to add a few letters so it made sense. Sandy: Well, you certainly succeeded 'cause this thing is about as clear as mud. Kirsten: "Ryan found Volchok." Of course. Sandy: Where are you? Okay, don't freak out. Please say Newport. Seth: We're in Mexico. Kirsten: He didn't say Newport, did he? Seth: We're at a gas station outside Ensenada, but Ryan promises he just wants to see Volchok. Sandy: I want you guys back here right now. Seth: No offense, Dad, but that may be a tad unrealistic. Sandy: Let me talk to Ryan. Seth: Yeah, I got to go; I'll call you later. Sandy: Seth! In Mexico Seth: Hey, I was just leaving Summer a message. You ready to, uh, ándale? Ryan: What did you tell Sandy? Seth: Uh... Ah. Ryan: Did you tell him about Volchok? Seth: Yeah, I did, and honestly, I'm glad because you're starting to freak me out. I know you want to kll him. Ryan: Yeah, I do... but I'm not going to, all right? You either trust me on that or you don't. Seth: All right, I trust you. Ryan: All right, let's go to Ensenada and find him. Seth: But I can't keep watching you to make sure you're not calling your dad. Seth: It's going to be kind of hard now. Kaitlin's bedroom Brad: Ow, you cut me. So stop moving. Kaitlin: You guys are gayer than your dad. Brad: It's for water polo, coach's orders. Kaitlin: That doesn't make it any less gay. Brad: Yeah, well, our brother slept with your mom. Kaitlin: Yeah. Nice try. Big gay dad trumps slutty mom. Eric: No, it doesn't. Kaitlin: Yeah, ask anybody. Gay dad always trumps slutty mom. Brad: Dude, come on, it's burning. Eric: It's all right. Hey, did you talk to your mom about, uh, Dr. Roberts and his ex-wife? Kaitlin: No. He's at a conference in Seattle, and I'm sure totally alone. Julie: Here you are. You are so... What are they doing? Kaitlin: Their dad's gay. Both: Hey, Miss Cooper. Julie: I just thought you'd like to know that I just got called in to Dean Torres' office, and because of you, I have to work the clothing drive. Kaitlin: No way. That's too funny. Julie: I'm glad you think so. I'll see you there at 6:00. Kaitlin: What?! Julie: 6:00 o'clock. No arguments. Stop hitting on Mr. Castle. At Cohen's Sandy: You're giving awayRyan's leather jacket? He's not going to be happy. Kirsten: Well, he told me I could. Sandy: Wait a minute, this one's mine. I love wearing this jacket. Kirsten: That's the problem. They didn't call. I just... I feel so... Sandy: Honey, Seth is going to call back, and then we'll get some real information, and then we can do something. Kirsten: I'm going to take this over to Harbor. Will you call me if anything... Sandy: Of course. Kirsten: Do you want your jacket back? Sandy: No... but thanks. Can I give you a hand? Kirsten: No... but thanks. Mexico - Motel Seth: Oh. So this is what 15 bucks buys you in Ensenada. Ryan: Well, it's only for a couple hours. Seth: And we're here because? Ryan: Well, I only know the bar he works at. But he only works nights, and, uh, I don't want him seeing us walking around during the day. Seth: Fair enough. I'm going to use the restroom. I did not want to go numero dos in the gas station. Ryan: It's all yours. Seth: Wow, the decorator clearly spent all her time in here. Whoa, man, you got to come see this spider. It's uh... Ryan, could you bring a magazine or a chair, Ryan? Ryan? Oh. Mexico - Pub Man: Hey, this ain't the bathroom, man. You need something? Ryan: Does a guy named Volchok work here? Man: Used to. Fired his ass. Ryan: Yeah? You know where I can find him? Man: Yeah, man, let me check my Rolodex. Ryan: Hell, no. Anybody else know? Man: Hey, this guy's looking for Volchok. You know where he's at? The guy's gone. Maybe you should be, too. That's like a hint, bro. Brown's college - Summer's bedroom Taylor: Oh, hi. I'm Taylor. I'm one of Summer's friends from Newport. Amber: Amber, Summer's roommate. Taylor: Oh, we must have missed each other last night. Amber: Yeah, I didn't make it home. Taylor: Got ya. College. Very cool. So, uh, Summer's really gotten into this whole green planet thing, huh? Still, you'd think she would have at least one picture of her friends, right? I mean, look at your nice collage. Who are all those guys? Amber: That's my boyfriend. He goes to Penn. The others are just guys. Taylor: Guys like...? Oh. Amber: You think I'm a slut, don't you? Taylor: No. No, of course not. Amber: Sure you do. It's not your fault, it's society. A guy can sleep with as many girls as he wants. A girl does it, she's a slut. Taylor: There's three guys in that picture. Amber: Oh, relax. I put this up for my social taboo class to see how people would respond. I didn't sleep with them all. Well, that's a relief. Most are just oral sex. Taylor: Well, that's a very nice collage And it only highlights how impersonal Summer's side of the room is. She doesn't even have a single picture of her boyfriend. Amber: Summer has a boyfriend? You mean Che? Taylor: Who's Che? Mexico - Pub Seth: Well, excuse me. I-I was... I was, um... Excuse me, I don't want to... I don't want to bother you. I was just wondering... Man: What? Stop stuttering. Seth: Okay, uh, a friend of mine's in trouble, and I can't leave without him, so I... Man: Did you hear what he said? Seth: Uh, you know what? You guys are busy, so... Man: Never leave a man behind! All: Never leave a man behind! Never ! Man. Man: I love you, man. Yeah. We love you. I love this guy! We're doing shts! All: shts! Seth: Time! I got to find my buddy, so why don't you guys do shts? Man: First we do shts. Then we find your friend. I mean, we're brothers, right? Seth: Oh, well, that's a little fast, but... Man: And then we get tattoos! All: Tattoos! Seth: Great. This is great. This is... Aah! At Harbour Kaitlin: Mom, I mean it. I really have to go study. Julie: Please, honey. At least come up with an excuse I believe. This is nice. Kaitlin: So why don't you try it on? Julie: Because it's not a sample sale, Kaitlin, it's for the refugees. Kaitlin: The very lucky refugees. Julie: Tell me about it. Kirsten: Oh, hi, Julie. I didn't know youwere doing this. Julie: Hey, Kirsten. Well, you know, got to stay involved. But look at you. I mean, your kids don't even go here anymore. Kirsten: Right. Julie: Something wrong? Kirsten: The boys went to Mexico without asking us. I'm sure they're fine, but... Julie: Wait. Seth went, too? Why...? I mean, he just doesn't seem like Mr. Donkey show. Kirsten: Not that they're at a donkey show, or-or even know what-what a donkey show... Julie: Have you seen how great some of these clothes are? Excuse me. Kaitlin: What's a donkey show? Kirsten: That's a question for your mother. Julie: Hello? Ryan: He wasn't there. Julie: What? Ryan: He got fired. Nobody knows where he is. Julie: But he was supposed to be there. He has to be there. Ryan: Uh, I'll keep looking. I'll call you if I find anything. * Kirsten: I hope everything's okay. Kaitlin: Maybe it was just Dr. Roberts. He could have some bad news or something. At Brown's college Taylor: Move it, hippies. Che: And in the Himalayan kingdom of Bhutan, they don't even have a gross national product. They measure gross national happiness. Isn't that just beautiful? Summer: Taylor, hey. Uh, you can have my bed tonight, 'cause I'm going to spend the night out here. Taylor:Uh-huh. I need to talk to you. Summer: Wait. Taylor, hold. Can't your secret wait? Taylor: This isn't about that, Summer. What is going on with you and that Che character? Summer: That Che character? What are you talking about? Taylor: I have eyes, Summer, and ears, and I don't like what I' hearing, or what I'm seeing. Summer: Okay, maybe that makes sense in French, but not so much in English. Taylor: Have you called Seth back? You haven't, have you? Che: Summer, uh, my chains are coming loose. Summer: I'll call him later, okay? I'm busy. Taylor: You need to talk to him now. Summer: Look, they're going to cut down this tree, Taylor! Taylor: Well, then we'll have a fre. Talk to him. Unless you're afraid that Johnny Appleseed might overhear. Summer: Hello? Seth? It's some Mexican guy. Happy? Taylor: What? Seth? Mexico - Pub All (chanting): USMC! USMC! USMC! USMC! You drink now, pansy! Seth: Oh, this is good. Double Bob. Miguel: You're staying with us, pal. You ain't going anywhere. Seth: Mmm. Miguel: One more sht. One more sht. You're about to do that sht, or there's going to be about six marines kicking your ass. Wait. Maybe just one more sht. At Cohen's Sandy: We're doing the right thing in trusting them. Kirsten: I know. Sandy: They're adults. We couldn't have stopped them if we tried. Kirsten: I know. Sandy: I'm going to Mexico. Kirsten: I'm going with you. Mexico - Pub Seth: Uh, excuse me. Man: What do you want? Seth: Nothing, actually. 18 tequilas is my limit. I'm looking for my friend Ryan. Uh, he's-he's about... He's about... He's in there somewhere, and he's... and he's looking for a guy named Volchok. He kind of klled his girlfriend. Man: Leave. Seth: I've got a tattoo, pal. A tattoo! Man: Now! Seth: Okay. Girl: Hey. Your friend was here earlier. Seth: You know where he went? Because that guy in there was, like, very unhelpful. Girl: Is that true? That Volchok klled a girl? Seth: Yes. Girl: I know where he's. Mexico - In the street Kirsten: So now what? Ryan's not answeringhis phone and we keep getting that Mexican guy every time you call Seth. Sandy: Well, at least we know our phones work here. So they can reach us. I say we just start pounding the pavement, or the-the dirt, as the case may be. Kirsten: Were we crazy coming here? Sandy: Driving all night into a foreign country where neither of usspeak the language and where we only have a vague notion of-of where they are? Yeah, that's a little crazy. Kirsten: How much longer do we keep doing this? Rescuing them every time they're in trouble. Sandy: Oh, I don't know. But for now, I think that's our job. Kirsten: I want you to know that I took two semesters of Spanish. Sandy: Well, then you can be our tour guide. Mexico - Motel Seth: Hi. Hi. Um, do you, uh... I'm so thirsty. Did you see my friend come in last night by any chance? I'm in the room without windows. Well, how many rooms do you have without windows? I see. Um, could I place a call to America, please? Brown's college - Summer's bedroom Taylor: Lo se, Miguel, pero alomejor Maria solo esta pasando por una etapa. Si. Uh, <i>me-me tengo que ir. Summer: Who are you talking to? Taylor: Oh, Miguel. The guy with Seth's phone. He is having problems with his girlfriend. Summer: Taylor... Where you going? Taylor: Back to Newport. I realized that my problems are not going to be solved here. Because the truth is, you need help far more than I do. Summer: Hmm. God, have you ever tried sleeping outside? There is so much grass and you can't turn off the stars. Taylor: Look, you want to be the next Julia Butterfly Hill, I support that. But to push away Seth for some guy who read Siddhartha and did a couple of outward bound courses. Summer: Are you talking about Che? Che is just my friend and that is all. This is not a love triangle. I don't do love triangles anymore. Taylor: Fine, but you're using him and all of this save the Earth stuff to hide from Seth. Summer: I'm not hiding from Seth. Taylor: Really? Well, how often do you call him? Once a week? Once a month? Summer, just talk to me. Or better yet, talk to Seth. Write him a letter. But you have to tell him what you're going through. He'll understand. Summer: I think you spent too much time in France, because here in America, we hide our feelings. And since when did saving the Earth become such a bad thing? Taylor: I never said that. Summer: No, but you came here with this big secret, but you've spent the whole time telling me what's wrong with my life! And you're the one that's avoiding, avoider! Taylor: Be that way. But you're going to lose Seth. And then you'll wish you listened to me. And I was going to tell you how I went to France, got married, and now I have to get a divorce from my French husband, and you would have found the story très intéressant. Au revoir, Summer. Summer: Hey, where did this stupid espresso machine come from anyway? Taylor: It's a gift! Mexico - Hotel Seth: Hey. I couldn't find your toothbrush. Uh, just don't leave. So did you kll him? I mean, that was the plan, right? The real plan. Not the lie you told me when you said trust me, man? Ryan: You-you don't understand. Seth: The guy klled Marissa, you loved her. What don't I understand? Ryan: No one made you come. Seth: You think I want to be here? Summer came back for the first time in months, left without saying good-bye. I could be losing her right now. Ryan: All right, go home. Seth: That is not the point. Ryan: I didn't find him. Seth: Good, great, then let's both go home together. Ryan: And I'm not leaving until I find him. Seth: So then, what are you going to do, you going to stay here forever? You going to live in Ensenada? You going to open a piñataria? Huh? You going to open a burrito stand? You know what, fine, if I tell you where he is, you promise not to kll him? Ryan: What? Seth: I went to the bar last night-- I guess one you'd already been to-- and apparently the waitress and Volchok had had a thing... Ryan: Where is he? Seth: Do you promise not to do anything? Ryan: I'm gonna ask you one more time-- where is he? At Roberts' Kaitlin: What are you watching? Julie: TV's Dumbest Cops. Are people in America really this fat? Kaitlin: You haven't moved in 18 hours. Is everything okay? Julie: Fine. The world is an amoral toilet bowl, and one day we'll all be flushed. Kaitlin: Okay, wow. That was a really uplifting message for your daughter. Julie: It's better you know now. Kaitlin: Okay. I'm just gonna go to the clothing drive. Julie: Why? Kaitlin: Because, believe it or not, I actually want a life. Right now that means school and a stupid clothing drive. So I suck it up. You know, some of us are still alive. Mexico - Volchock's appartment Volchock: Now, this is a surprise. Seth: You alone? Volchock: Yeah. How'd you find me? Seth: The girl you... worked with, the waitress at the bar. Volchock: Right. Yeah, her boyfriend wants to kll me. Seth: Well, he's gonna have to get in line-- Ryan's in Ensenada. Volchock: You didn't tell him where I was? Seth: I thought about it, but in the end I gave him the wrong address. Volchock: Why you looking out for me? Seth: I'm not. I just don't want Ryan to ruin his life by mrder you. Volchock: I'm touched. Seth: So, you just taking off? Volchock: Isn't that why you're here? Warn me to get out of town? Seth: He's gonna find you again. Volchock: Maybe. Seth: So, what, then... you keep running, he keeps chasing you, best-case scenario, you do that for the rest of your lives? Volchock: Till I get tired of running, yeah. Seth: You should turn yourself in. Volchock: There's an idea. Seth: My dad's a lawyer-- he could help you get a good deal. Volchock: It'd still be prison. Seth: He could make sure you're in a safe place. Volchock: You know, this reunion has been great, it really has. But... I got to go. Seth: You can't keep running from this. Volchock: Let's see if your boy can find me again. Seth: I'm not talking about Ryan. You should let my dad help you. You didn't mean to kll her. Volchock: I know. But she's dad. That's all that matters. Mexico - Pub Ryan: Seth set me up, didn't he? Kirsten: He called; he was worried. Sandy: Come on, let's go home. Ryan: Why? So we can pretend like everything's the way it used to be? Sandy: We all miss her. It's never gonna be the way that it used to be. But we are still a family. Ryan: You don't understand. He's here. Seth: No. He's gone. Airport Summer: Taylor? Taylor: Don't worry, Summer, I'm leaving. I was just postponing the trauma of going though security. Summer: Look, I'm... I'm so sorry. Taylor: Oh, my God, I am, too. Oh, I don't want to fight with you. Even if you are all gross and smelly. Summer: And you can show up on my doorstep anytime. Taylor: And how you live your life is your business. Summer: No, you were right. Taylor: You are in love with Che? Summer: No. No, about the Seth thing. I have been pulling away. It's just... Taylor: Summer, I understand. But Seth will, too. Just try. Summer: So when you said that, uh, you got married, did that mean that, um... Taylor Yeah, um, I am now Madame Taylor Townsend DeMemorol. Summer: Oh, my God. But how? Taylor: I keep asking myself the same question. I-I met him, and the next thing I knew, we were in his family's chapel in gn saying... I remember telling Ethan Hawke at the rehearsal dinner... Summer: Ethan Hawke was at your rehearsal dinner? Taylor: Oh, yes. Henri Michel translated one of his novels into French as a joke, of course, but don't tell Ethan that. Um, I got to go. Summer: But Taylor, you got married. Taylor: It was Paris. It seemed like the thing to do. Okay, promise me you'll write to Seth? Okay, see you at Thanksgiving. Bye. Oh, by the way, your roommate is a big slut. Summer: Yeah, I know. Taylor: Okay. Harbour Kaitlin: Will you guys hurry up? Eric: Check out these awesome leather jackets we found. Kaitlin: Your dad would be extremely proud. Brad: Now can we go? Julie: Kaitlin? Kaitlin: Mom. What are you doing here? Julie: Well, uh, what you said earlier struck a nerve. Life might be difficult, but it's our job to make the best of it. You inspired me. So, what are you doing? How can I help? Kaitlin: Um, well, the school promised a local shelter some clothes, so we're just bringing them over. But I think we have it handled. Brad: Yeah, we got it. Eric: Thanks, Miss Cooper. Julie: Oh, okay. Director: Julie, I'm glad you're here. Can I talk to you for a second? Julie: Mm-hmm. Okay. Director: I don't know how to say this, but this afternoon Amy Bennett found two tops she donated at a used clothing boutique. Julie: Amy Bennett buys used clothing? Director: Julie, someone has been stealing clothes from the drive and selling them. Julie: But who would do...? Oh, no. Kaitlin: Oh, crap. Brown - Summer's bedroom Summer: Dear, Seth, I know you think I've changed, and I'm avoiding you.. Dear, Seth... Dear, Seth, the reason I've been so distant is that... The truth is... The truth is... Seth, I still love you. I really, really still love you. I just can't... Oh, I just can't. In the car Sandy: Thanks for driving. I didn't get much sleep last night. Seth: Yeah, no problem. Sandy: You did the right thing, Seth. Seth: You mean, betraying my best friend by ratting him out to my parents? Sandy: You might have saved his life today. And sooner or later, he's going to realize that. In another car Kirsten: You okay? You hungry? This was my worst nightmare, when you first came to live with us, that Seth would follow you somewhere and get hurt. Ryan: I know, I shouldn't have taken him, I'm sorry. Kirsten: What I was going to say, all that's changed is now I have two children to worry about. At Brown's college Che: Summer, hey, I am so... Summer: Glad to see me? I know. Um, I made wheat grass soup so we can stay out there all night if have to. Che: Where you going? Summer: We have a tree to save. Che: Whoa, Summer, slow down. Summer: But there's no time. There's no time for anything. We have to save this tree. Che: But we did. The dean just came by. They're not going to cut the tree down. We won. Summer: I can't believe this. Che: Oh, I get your point. What if they go back on their word? I told them we'd be watching. Like a hawk over the Serengeti, we'll be watching, so I think our friend is safe for now. Summer: So, that's it? Well, I mean, can't we just go out there anyway? Che: Oh, I get it. Why are we only with our tree friends in times of danger? We should be with them in times of joy, too. Summer: Exactly. That's exactly what I mean. Che: Yeah. I could learn a lot from you, Summer Roberts. Summer: Yeah. In the car Sandy: Oh, my gosh. Seth: Yeah, I know. It... Some marines were helping me look for Ryan. It was a bonding thing. Sandy: Wow. It's-It's-It's... You know, the artwork is really good. What's this... What's this say beneath? Seth: Uh, Senorita Vixen. One of the marines got one, too. He thought it was pretty cool. He may have been ... though. Sandy: You know, it does have a certain... Seth: Gay vibe. Were you going to say gay vibe? Sandy: Exactly. Let's see what Summer has to say. You know, the one thing I keep thinking about... ...is how Ryan could have found Volchok in the first place. Seth: Oh, please, just leave me out of it. Sandy: It would have taken a private investigator, which means money. And any way I cut it, it leads back to just one person. At Roberts' Julie: There'll be no more hanging out with Brad and Eric. You're to come straight home after school. Do you have any idea how lucky you are that Dean Torres didn't expel you? Kaitlin: Mom, this whole thing is just a crock anyway. Julie: And how is that? Kaitlin: Do you really think that Sudanese refugees have an overwhelming need for Paul Frank tops and last season Manolo Blahniks? Julie: So, what, you think you can steal them? Kaitlin: Look, I did research on the Web. They have mountains of donated clothing in warehouses in New Jersey. They have all they've ever needed. Julie: You just made that up. Kaitlin: Maybe. But it sounded true, didn't it? Julie: Kaitlin...I can't do this. I can't... I can't keep this family together and have you running around like Miss Clockwork Orange. I... I can't. Honey, please. I need your help. Kaitlin: Mom, do you really think that Dr. Roberts is at that conference by himself? Julie: No, of course not. Look, maybe I can make you some ice cream... if you want. Julie: That would be nice. Just hold on. Hello? Yes, of course. I'll be right there. Honey, I have to step out for a minute. Take a rain check, okay? Kaitlin: Okay. Yatch club Julie: Sandy, what is it? You said it was important. Sandy: I thought you might want to know that Ryan and Seth are back home, that Volchok's disappeared. Julie: What are you talking about? Sandy: Stop it. You told Ryan where to find Volchok. Even for you, this is a new low. Julie: Okay, you know what? You're crazy. I'm just going to say good night. Sandy: You sent Ryan down there to commit a mrder. I could have you arrested. Julie: But then you'd get Ryan arrested, and you're not going to do that, are you? Sandy: If anything had happened to him or to Seth... Julie: Okay, it's late, and I'm not in the mood for thr*at. Sandy: Sit down. After everything our families have been through, you would put our kids in danger? Julie: At least you still have all your kids. At Cohen's Seth: Hey. How was your drive? Kirsten: Quiet. Yours? Seth: We got stopped at the border.I think they had a picture of dad from his long-hair days. Did he say anything about me? Maybe a rant about Judas? Kirsten: Of course not. Seth: You okay? Kirsten: Yeah. It's just been a long couple of days. But I'm really glad you're home. End of the episode	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x02 - The Gringo's"}	foreverdreaming
THE OC 4x03: The Cold Turkey Original Airdate: 11/09/06 Written by: J.J. Philbin Directed by: Michael Lange Transcribed exclusively for TVTDB.com INT. COEN HOUSE - SANDY'S BEDROOM (Sandy and Kirsten are sitting in their bedroom, talking.) KISTEN: He hasn't spoken to us in days. SANDY: Well us he can ignore. When Ryan doesn't speak to Seth, that's when I start to worry. KISTEN: It's like he's turning into an island. SANDY: Yeah. Right in the path of Hurricane Julie. INT. COEN HOUSE - POOL HOUSE (Ryan is on the phone to Julie.) RYAN: Ever since we got back from Mexico, things haven't been the same. JULIE: Tell me about it. I've been banned from your house. Your parents have been mad at me before... (Cut back to: Kirsten and Sandy in their bedroom.) KIRSTEN: It's never been this bad. We're excluding her from Thanksgiving. SANDY: Well, when you send our kids on a mrder mission, you get knocked off the guest list. House rules. (Sandy kisses Kirsten on the forehead.) INT. COEN HOUSE - SETH'S BEDROOM (Seth is on the phone to Summer. He leaves a message.) SETH: Hey Summer, just calling to say happy Thanksgiving. Well, I use the term happy loosely. It's actually shaping out to be kind of an awkward Thanksgiving. (Cut to Summer in her room, listening to Seth leaving his message. She pulls out a book from a shelf and a group photo of her, Marissa, Ryan and Seth falls to the floor. She picks it up and looks at it.) SETH: Thing is Ryan and I have never been in a fight before. But I've got a feeling things'll blow over today, 'cause they have to. It's Thanksgiving. (Summer erases Seth's message.) INT. COEN HOUSE - KITCHEN (Sandy and Kirsten walk to the kitchen.) SANDY: It's Thanksgiving. Now you just watch, this family's gonna come together for the holidays. That's what we Coens do. (Ryan and Seth walk into the kitchen.) Hey. SETH: Hey. RYAN: Hey. (Long ,uncomfortable pause.) KRSTEN: Coffee? RYAN: Sure. (Long pause. They all watch the coffee filtering through the coffee maker.) SANDY: Should be ready any second. (Sandy's cellphone rings.) Oh, I hate to miss this spirit of discussion, but I gotta take this. Hello? (Sandy walks into an adjacent room.) Uh huh. Where are you? (Cut back to the kitchen. Long pause.) KIRSTEN: OK, enough of this! No more tip-toeing, no more silences, it is Thanksgiving and this family is gonna get over what happened and move on with their lives. SETH: I don't know if it's that easy. KIRSTEN: No one said it was gonna be easy, but this family is gonna work together and make Thanksgiving dinner. You two, grocery store, together. SETH: I've got to pick up Summer... KIRSTEN: You can go before. List, here. (She hands Seth a shopping list.) And when you get back, we're gonna cook this bird together. (Sandy walks back into the kitchen.) Including you. No surfing, no golf. SANDY: You got it. I do have to go to the office... KIRSTEN: Sandy... SANDY: But I'll only be gone a few hours, and when I'm back I'm all yours. KIRSTEN: Great. Now you can all change and wash up. But you report for duty in one hour. (Seth and Ryan walk leave the kitchen. Sandy follows Ryan.) SANDY: Ryan, are you gonna be OK? 'Cause if you can't put your anger about Volchok aside, even for today, then there's no point to any of this. RYAN: No I'm not angry. I... I just wish he was dad, that's all. (Ryan leaves the house and walks back over to the pool house. Sandy pulls out his cellphone and dials a number.) SANDY: It's me. Are you still there? (Cut to the beach. Volchok is at a payphone.) VOLCHOK: Yeah. I'm here. TITLE THEME EXT. NEWPORT BEACH (Volchok is standing by the beach, visibly impatient. Sandy pulls up in his car. Volchok walks over to him and gets in the car.) VOLCHOK: Thanks for coming. To be honest with you, I didn't know where else to go. Hitched a ride into town, slept on the beach last night... SANDY: I'm not your friend, I'm your lawyer, and I'll help you get through this. But the less you talk, the better. Alright? (Volchok nods.) INT. COEN HOUSE - SETH'S BEDROOM (Seth walks into his bedroom.) SETH: I brought you a bagel. (Taylor appears from under his bed.) TAYLOR: A bagel? I asked for an egg-white omelette and some cantaloupe. SETH: Taylor, I said you could hide out in my room for a couple of days, I did not say there would be room service. (Taylor gets out from underneath the bed.) TAYLOR: Seth, one day when I'm no longer sleeping under your bed you're gonna miss me. SETH: And when will that be, 'cause you kinda made it sound like this was a temporary thing. TAYLOR: I know. I know, you think it would be healthier for me to confront my fear and face my mom. SETH: More like Summer's coming home and I was hoping we could get it on up here. You understand. TAYLOR: Right, of course. You guys need alone time together. I mean like you said your relationship is just hanging by a thread. SETH: I didn't say that. TAYLOR: Really? You didn't? Oh... I must have dreamt it. You know since I've been on the run my dreams have been so vivid. Like last night I dream that G�rard D�pardieu and I were team mates on the Amazing Race. SETH: Wait, back up. Is this about your trip to Brown last week? Did something happen with Summer? TAYLOR: No, of course not. No she's still the same old Summer... She might not smell like the same old Summer, but inside she's... she's still the same girl. SETH: I wouldn't know. I feel like we've barely spoken in weeks. TAYLOR: Seth, you guys are gonna be fine. Just think, she's on her way here right now. INT. AIRPORT (Summer is at the airport. She is talking to her dad on her cellphone.) SUMMER: I don't think I'm coming. MR ROBERTS: Listen, I've been looking forward to seeing you. I just got back from Seattle and I've got a lot to tell you. SUMMER: Tell me now. MR ROBERTS: No, I want you here. It's Thanksgiving. SUMMER: Exactly. Millions of turkeys being senselessly slaughtered so us Americans can get even fatter? MR ROBERTS: I like turkey. SUMMER: I know you do. I just... I don't think I can support this holiday, you know? I think I'm just gonna sit this one out. MR ROBERTS: OK, you gonna tell me what's really going on? SUMMER: Uh, I don't know... I'm just not up for it. (A dog starts barking from inside of Mr Roberts' house.) Is that a dog? MR ROBERTS: Hold on a second. INT. ROBERTS HOUSE - KAITLIN'S BEDROOM (Mr Roberts opens the door to Kaitlin's bedroom. Inside, Kaitlin is sitting on her bed, holding a small dog.) MR ROBERTS: Kaitlin, what is... what is that thing doing in my house? KAITLIN: Well nothing now. Although a few minutes ago she kinda took a tinkle in your den. MR ROBERTS: I want you to get that thing out of here. I want you to take it back wherever you got it. KAITLIN: Dude, I found her at the pier. And I'm not taking her back. She totally fits in my purse. MR ROBERTS: Dude, does your mother know that you have this thing? KAITLIN: Well, yesterday she almost sucked her up in a vaccum. I guess to her the dog is invisible. Like me. Oh, by the way, I think your shoes are cashed. (Kaitlin hands Mr Roberts a chewed up shoe.) MR ROBERTS: You're sorry? This was a seven hundred dollar pair of shoes. KAITLIN: Oh I forgot to ask you, how'd your conference go? (Pause.) Thought so. (Mr Roberts leaves the bedroom and picks his cellphone back up.) MR ROBERTS: Sorry about that sweetheart. SUMMER: Oh, it's alright. Dad, it sounds like you're in the loony bin. MR ROBERTS: Sometimes, I think I am. SUMMER (sighing): You need me there, don't you? MR ROBERTS: Deperately. SUMMER: Alright, see you in six hours. MR ROBERTS: Love you. SUMMER: You too. Bye. (She hangs up.) Crap! INT. ROBERTS HOUSE - KITCHEN (Julie is talking to someone on her cellphone.) JULIE: I know it's Thanksgiving, but you're a private investigator. Can't you find a guy and eat turkey at the same time? (Mr Roberts walks into the kitchen.) MR ROBERTS: Julie... JULIE: Call me back in five will you? (She hangs up. To Mr Roberts) Hi, sorry. Do you want a waffle? MR ROBERTS: Woah. Slow down. I've been trying to talk to you ever since I got back from my trip. Why don't we spend the morning together? We can go for a walk on the beach. (Julie's cellphone rings. She reaches for it, but Mr Roberts grabs it first.) Maybe without our cellphones. JULIE: No, Neal, I'm sorry. I have to cook. MR ROBERTS: You have to cook? I thought we were going to the Coens for dinner. JULIE: Well we're not. Kirsten's turkey is always dry, and Sandy with his long boring speeches about the importance of family. I'd just as soon eat in. (Julie opens the refrigerator.) MR ROBERTS: There's nothing in there. JULIE: Then I should go to the market. Can I have my cellphone please? (Pause. Mr Roberts hands Julie her cellphone.) Thank you. MR ROBERTS: We're going to have to talk eventually. JULIE: Yeah, yeah. After the holidays. Of course. (Julie walks out of the kitchen.) INT. GROCERY STORE (Ryan and Seth are pushing a cart around the grocery store.) SETH: So, what's next? RYAN: Parsley. SETH: Wow, this trip to the grocery store has been a real success. I'm sure silent cart pushing is exactly what my mom envisioned when she sent us here. RYAN: Well what do you expect? You think we can get over everything just because we're buying parsley? SETH: It's more than a garnish Ryan. It's a good omen. RYAN: Yeah... (Seth spots Julie in a near-by aisle.) SETH: Speaking of omens... RYAN: Julie. JULIE: Ryan. SETH: Hello Julie. I wanted to thank you for that travel tip. Ensenada turned out to be the perfect vacation spot for the Coens. We may get a timeshare. JULIE: Save it Seth. I already got the lecture from your dad. Ryan, would you care to join me in the samples? SETH: I'll get the sweet potatoes. (Seth walks away. Julie and Ryan walk to the samples area.) SALESWOMAN: We've got two types of Gouda. This is the ?, and this is the Old Amsterdam. (Julie takes a piece of cheese and eats it.) JULIE: It's delicious. (She and Ryan turn their backs to the saleswoman.) So the PI swears he'll have a location for Volchok by Monday. RYAN: What do we do until then? JULIE: Just, uh, wait. I guess I'll call you in the morning, we'll make a plan. Until then act normal. (They turn and face the saleswoman.) Thank you. INT. COEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM (Kirsten is using her cellphone.) KIRSTEN: Hey Sandy, I was just wondering when you were going to be home to help me with... (She walks into the kitchen and sees Taylor eating food.) Oh my God. Taylor, I thought you were in France. TAYLOR: I am... uh, I was. In fact what am I doing here where gay Paris beckons. Au revoir. (Taylor rushes out of the kitchen.) KIRSTEN: Hold on! (Taylor turns around and walks back towards Kirsten.) When a kid is stealing stuffing in my kitchen, that's usually a sign that something's wrong. TAYLOR: I would talk to you Mrs Coen, but this is simply too private. KIRSTEN: I'll make you a plate of food. TAYLOR (smiling): Living room? INT. GROCERY STORE JULIE: Ryan, listen. The important thing is Sandy can't suspect us. He needs to feel like we've moved on, that we've let go. RYAN: Yeah well that's gonna be kinda hard. He knows I haven't given upon Volchok. Kinda got into it this morning. JULIE: Then you need to go smooth things over. Smile, apologize, lie, whatever it takes. Ryan, you wanna get this son of a bitch just as badly as I do. That's a really hard thing to do with Sandy Coen watching your every move. RYAN: Alright. I'll stop by his office on the way back. JULIE: Oh Ryan, one more thing. Do you happen to know how to cook a turkey? (Ryan stares at her blankly.) Never mind. INT. COEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM (Kirsten and Taylor are sitting, talking to each other.) KIRSTEN: You got married?! TAYLOR: His name was Henri-Michel, and I met him outside the Place des Vosges. He wooed me for a few whirlwind weeks, and the next thing I knew I was in his family's chapel in gn, tipsy of a 1953 Ch�teau Margot, and vowing to love until death do us part. KIRSTEN: I can't believe this is happening. Taylor, you're usually so responsible. TAYLOR: Well needless to say it was une erreur. Now he won't agree to an annulment. He is a stubborn man. Sexy and well endowed, but stubborn. So I came home and... I'm just too afraid to tell my mom now. KIRSTEN: I've known your mom for a long time. She might be tough, but she's your mom, which means that she loves you no matter what. TAYLOR: That's so sweet and... totally wrong. KIRSTEN: Don't you think you're underestimating her? TAYLOR: No. Oh my God! Oh my God, I just had the best idea. You could tell her. Now that we're like sisters I'm sure you'd be happy to. KIRSTEN: No, that's your job. TAYLOR: Bon Dieu, je suis tr�s d�sol�, mais j'ai peur... (Taylor starts crying.) KIRSTEN: OK. I will talk to her, but I'm not doing your dirty work. I am just gonna put her in the right frame of mind. TAYLOR: Great! That's great! Uh, she's in charge of the Turkey Trot, that prefixed meal over at the yacht club. She'll be there all afternoon. KIRSTEN: No, no, I can't do it today. I have a thousand things to do Taylor. TAYLOR: Mon Dieu, mon coeur est cass�... KIRSTEN: OK fine! I will talk to her today but you're gonna have to help me cook. TAYLOR: Oh Kirsten, I will be the best sous-chef ever. You just watch. INT. AIRPORT (Summer arrives at the airport. Seth is waiting for her.) SETH: Hey! SUMMER: Hi. SETH: Hey. (They kiss awkwardly. Seth hands Summer a bouquet of roses.) Here, I sprung for roses. The cheapskate in me wanted to get you carnations, but it's a special occasion. SUMMER: It is? SETH: Yeah, you're here. And not just for a whirlwind comic book intervention but for an actual visit. SUMMER: Well it's only for three nights. SETH: It's longer than you think. INT. SANDY'S OFFICE (Sandy is stood behind his desk, talking on the phone. Volchok is sat on the other side of it.) SANDY: Uh huh. Thanks Greg. (He hangs up and sits down. To Volchok) So, I'm gonna go see the DA, enter your guilty plea, and hopefully we can settle on a charge and a sentence by tonight. VOLCHOK: So I'll still be doing time... SANDY: For what you did, yeah, I'd say so. VOLCHOK: That Seth kid said, um, he said that you would help me. SANDY: I am helping you. Helping turn you over to the authorities so you can get the punishment you deserve. You made a lot of mistakes. But you turned yourself in, and that was the right thing to do. VOLCHOK: After a while, being in Mexico and running all the time, it all started to feel like prison anyway. SANDY: That's guilt for you. Follow you around. But you're here now, so we'll find a hotel room for you while I work things out with Otis. (Sandy stands and makes his way to the door.) VOLCHOK: I really appreciate this. (Volchok stands.) SANDY: Well listen, the sooner you're off the street, the sooner Ryan can start his life again. VOLCHOK: Yeah, I just want it all to be over. SANDY: Oh me too, you have no idea. (They leave the office.) EXT. SANDY'S OFFICE (Ryan walks over to a woman leaving the building that Sandy's office is in.) RYAN: Excuse me, you know where Sandy Coen's office is? LAWYER: Uh, yeah it's inside to the left. But you just missed him. RYAN: Oh, I did? LAWYER: Yeah, he just left with a client. Poor guy's working on Thanksgiving. (The woman walks away. Ryan looks sees Sandy's car leaving the parking lot. Inside, he sees Volchok sitting next to Sandy.) INT. COEN HOUSE - KITCHEN (Kirsten is seasoning the turkey.) TAYLOR: No. No, no, no Kirsten. Here, let me. (Taylor picks up a small brush and starts brushing the turkey.) You wanna just lightly kiss the bird. Like so. KIRSTEN: I see. (Ryan appears at the back of the kitchen.) Oh hey Ryan. Did you know Taylor was back in town? TAYLOR: Hello Ryan! I know, you must be confused as to why I'm here, but in time... RYAN: Do you know where Sandy is? KIRSTEN: He called a while ago, he said he had some errands to run. RYAN: Did he say where he was going? KIRSTEN: No. Is everything OK? RYAN: Yeah it's fine. I'll be back later. (Ryan walks out of the kitchen.) KIRSTEN: I was hoping that you'd help with dinner... (Cut to the front door. Seth and Summer enter the house.) SUMMER: Ok, but only for a little while. My dad needs me back in crazy just. SETH: Just want you to witness the magic of a Coen family Thanksgiving, even if only for a few moments. SUMMER: Alright. SETH: Hey Ryan, look who showed up. (Ryan rushes past them, obviously distracted.) RYAN: Hey. SUMMER: Hey Atwood... SETH: See there's magic everywhere. (Seth and Summer walk into the kitchen.) TAYLOR: Goards. It nees goards. SUMMER: Hi guys. KIRSTEN: Hi Summer! Oh it's good to see you! SUMMER: You too. (They huy.) TAYLOR: Welcome home! (They hug.) Oh, did you bathe in a creek. SETH: Taylor, what are you doing out? TAYLOR: Oh, um, I came clean to your mom. And now I'm helping her through Thanksgiving. KIRSTEN: Taylor, now that Seth and Summer are here, why don't they take over and we'll go talk to your mother. SETH: You're taking on Veronica Townsend? It's a death wish. KIRSTEN: Why don't you just paste the turkey. TAYLOR: But just very lightly, with the little brush thing, and not... SETH: Ok, alright. (Kirsten and Taylor leave. Pause.) SUMMER: Gosh I haven't been in this house in so long. SETH: Well the house misses you, so do I. In fact, upstairs has been asking for you. (They kiss.) SUMMER: Oh really? SETH: Mhmm. SUMMER: Well I've gotta get back to my dad's house. SETH: Give me five minutes. SUMMER: Promise? (Seth grabs an egg-timer and sets the dial.) SETH: Keep me honest. Ten. (Summer laughs.) INT. ROBERTS HOUSE - KITCHEN (Julie is sitting in the kitchen, reading a cookbook. Mr Roberts enters.) MR ROBERTS: How's dinner coming? JULIE: Fantastic. You wouldn't happen to know how to cook a turkey would you? MR ROBERTS: You've never cooked a turkey? JULIE: Well Jimmy always did it, and after we broke up, then we ended up at the Coens. MR ROBERTS: Right. And the reason we're not going there is? (The doorbell rings.) JULIE: Oh, get that will you? (Mr Roberts walks to the front door and opens it. It's Ryan.) MR ROBERTS: Hey Ryan. RYAN: Hey, is Julie home? MR ROBERTS: She is, but I'd rather you didn't bother her right now. RYAN: I just need a minute of her time. MR ROBERTS: Yeah, I've been saying the same thing for six months. Maybe you can talk to her after the holiday. RYAN: I don't think you really understand what's going on here. MR ROBERTS: No you're right I don't. I don't understand all the phone calls, I don't understand why we're not having dinner with your family tonight. All I do know is that I was once very excited about my life with this woman and it all seems to be disappearing right now. RYAN: I get it, I'm sorry. MR ROBERTS: Tell your family I say happy Thanksgiving. (Mr Roberts closes the door. Ryan walks away.) INT. YACHT CLUB (Veronica, Taylor's mom, is ordering about some waiters.) VERONICA: I said gn candles, not orange! Now you go get them, or I'll send a 911 page to my guy at the INS. (Cut to Kirsten and Taylor in an adjacent room, looking in.) TAYLOR: OK, off you go. KIRSTEN: Are you sure you don't wanna come with me? TAYLOR: No. No, no, no. My stomach's kinda doing that flip-floppy thing it does every time I see her. (Kirsten walks over to Veronica.) VERONICA: Kirsten Coen, what a surprise! Have you been doing Pilates? You look thin! And I love your hair. KIRSTEN: Thanks Veronica. Actually I just came by to help. VERONICA: Oh, well you can help me with the candles. (Veronica hands Kirsten some candles.) KIRSTEN: So, this is your first holiday without Taylor. That must be hard for you. (Kirsten starts arranging the candles on a table.) VERONICA: It is. You know, I tell my clients that I'm a mother first, and a sports agent second. Uh, could you make those a little bit more parallel? Like... No just... Maybe I should just do it. (Veronica rearranges the candles.) KIRSTEN: I feel the same way about being a mom. You have to love your children no matter what they do. Even if they disappoint you. VERONICA: Of course. And you would know. You know with the sh*ting, and the car accident, and Seth burning down the Newport Group. KIRSTEN: Actually I was talking about you and Taylor. VERONICA: Right. And I love Taylor unconditionally. You know, a wise woman once said "If you love 'til it hurts, there can be no more hurt, but only more love." You know who said that? The mother. Mother Theresa. (Taylor walks into the room. Reproachful) Oh my God, Taylor! What are you doing here? TAYLOR: Mom, I need to talk to you. KIRSTEN: I'm gonna leave you two alone. (Whispering to Taylor)You'll be fine. INT. COEN HOUSE - SETH'S ROOM (Seth is sitting on his bed. Summer is on the floor, doing yoga.) SETH: We only have a few minutes together. You sure you have to do yoga? SUMMER: I've been on a plane all day. I'm trying to reverse the bloodflow. Fresh oxygen to the brain gives you clarity and peace of mind. SETH: I still can't believe you had no reaction to my tattoo. SUMMER: I had a reaction. I told you to get that thing removed! SETH: Yeah I'll get it removed. (Summer gets up and sits next to Seth.) SUMMER: Did it hurt? SETH: Whatever. I was with my marine buds. I barely felt a thing. SUMMER: I bet you cried. SETH: Like a baby. I'm glad you're home. SUMMER: Me too. (They kiss. Summer sees an Atomic County poster on Seth's wall. She looks at the illustration of Marissa. She pulls away from Seth.) SETH: What's wrong? SUMMER: I just... I get upset when I think about... all of the food that the average American consumes during Thanksgiving when so many people go without! SETH: Huh? SUMMER: We need to do something. We gotta go. Gotta go somewhere! SETH: Go? Go where? SUMMER: The soup kitchen. We're gonna feed the homeless. SETH: Do we have to? We're already feeding Ryan and he was homeless once. (They rush down the stairs and arrive at the front door.) SUMMER: Hey you can go or you can stay. (The front door opens and Sandy walks in.) SANDY: Summer! How are you doing? SUMMER: Better than the 2.8 billion people living below the poverty level. Are you OK with that statistic Mr Coen? I don't think so. That's why I have to go. (Symmer walks out of the front door.) SANDY: Who knew, out of all you kids, she'd turn out to be the young Sandy Coen! SETH: Had to rub off on someone. We'll be back soon. (Seth leaves the house. Sandy walks through to the kitchen.) INT. COEN HOUSE - KITCHEN (Sandy walks over to Kirsten, who is kneeling by the oven.) SANDY: Hey, honey. KIRSTEN: You know I thought we were going to be having dinner as a family and here I am being driven crazy by Taylor Townsend. SANDY: I got news. Volchok came to see me today. KIRSTEN: Volchok, Volchok? SANDY: He turned himself in. I've put him in a hotel while Otis finishes his paperwork. I figure we'll tell Ryan after the holiday. (Ryan appears behind Sandy.) RYAN: After he's already in jail. So we can't get at him. SANDY: Well yeah the thought did cross my mind so don't bother asking me where he is 'cause I'm not gonna tell you. RYAN: Alright look you stopped me from going after him, that I get. But to defend him... SANDY: I'm not defending him Ryan. I'm negotiating the terms of his surrender. And he's gonna get every bit of what he deserves. KIRSTEN: Ryan, Sandy and I would only do what's best for you. RYAN: You wanna do what's in my best interest? SANDY: Always. RYAN: Leave me alone. (Ryan turns and walks away.) SANDY: Ryan... (Sandy walks after him.) Come on, wait. EXT. NEWPORT BEACH - PARKING LOT (Ryan walks up to a surfer on the parking lot.) RYAN: Hey. You're friends with Volchok, right? SURFER: Used to be. I haven't seen Volchok in months. Don't know where he is. RYAN: Yeah well he's back in town. I need to find out where he's staying. SURFER: I don't know. If he called anyone it would probably be Heather. RYAN: You got her number. SURFER: I haven't talked to her. She might not be in town. RYAN: I'm gonna need that number. (Cut to Ryan on his cell phone.) EXT. NEWPORT BEACH (Heather walks over to Ryan on the beach.) HEATHER: Hey. (Pause.) Just for the record, that night... RYAN: I don't wanna talk about it. HEATHER: Look, at the first stoplight I jumped out and I tried to find help, and when I got back to the car Volchok was gone. I just needed you to know that. RYAN: And I just need to find the guy. HEATHER: Like I told you on the phone I don't know where his is. RYAN: He must have called you, told you he was coming back. HEATHER: He thinks that I'm gone too. And I was. I'm only home to see my mom for Thanksgiving. I really shouldn't even be talking to you... RYAN: I'm not gonna call the cops on you. HEATHER: You know, I spoke to him a few months after the accident, and he sounded pretty messed up. RYAN: Good. Thanks for meeting me... HEATHER: Look, maybe you should try to put it behind you. Just let him go. RYAN: Good advice... (Ryan walks away.) INT. COEN HOUSE - KITCHEN (Kirsten is still cooking. Sandy is in his car. Kirsten calls Sandy on his cellphone.) SANDY: Hello? KIRSTEN: Any luck? SANDY: No. I've been to the Bait Shop, the diner. I can't find him anywhere. KIRSTEN: I just feel strange to be cooking with all this going on. Maybe we should call dinner off. SANDY: No, keep it going. I got another idea where he might be. KIRSTEN: Well call me as soon as you... (Taylor walks into the kitchen, visibly distraught.) Uh, I gotta go. What happened? TAYLOR: She called me irresponsible, and stupid, and then she said that I would never be truly thin because I have a naturally large thorax. KIRSTEN: Oh Taylor, that's awful. TAYLOR: And the worst part is... (Taylor tastes some of Kirsten's cooking.) Oh my God, these are like cardboard. You're gonna want to add some cream. And the worst part is she said I'm no longer welcome in her house. I am le vagabond. KIRSTEN: You can stay here. TAYLOR: Forever? KIRSTEN: Well... no. For one night. But we'll find somewhere for you to stay. TAYLOR: Thank you Kiki. And I am so sorry that after all you've done for me I abandoned ship during the crucial hour before Thanksgiving. Now let's see how you're doing with those pies. Did you smash the pecans finely like I told you to? KIRSTEN: I skipped the pecan pie. TAYLOR: You skipped the pecan? KIRSTEN: Well one pumpkin will be fine. There's only five of us. (Seth walks into the kitchen, followed by Summer and eight homeless men.) SETH: You may wanna rethink that. We invited over some friends. Love the Coen open door policy. KIRSTEN: There aren't your friends. SUMMER: Well we were trying to help out at the soup kitchen and apparently they said they had enough volunteers. Like such a thing exists! Uh, just follow me to the family room. HOMELESS MAN: I really need to use your toilet. SETH: Oh, it's the first one on the left. Take these matches. HOMELESS MAN 2: I'm next! SETH: Alright, you're next. (The homeless men walk through to the living room. To Kirsten) Sorry. KIRSTEN: They can't stay. SETH: Well can't tell them to go. Summer'll have a nervous breakdown. She's hanging by a thread. TAYLOR: You know I used to volunteer at the Y, teaching personal hygiene. So I could just run through the basics with them. Unfortunately it means that I wouldn't be able to help you in here. KIRSTEN: Really? That sounds great. They stay, you keep them in one place, you keep them occupied. SETH: OK. (Seth walks into the living room.) Who here has not seen Battlestar Galactica season one? HOMELESS MAN 2: I missed the season finale. SETH: Get ready to have your mind blown. (Cut back to the kitchen.) TAYLOR: Don't worry Kiki, I've got your back. INT. ROBERTS HOUSE - KITCHEN (Sandy is in his car. He calls Julie, who is trying to cook her turkey.) SANDY: Julie. JULIE: I thought you weren't speaking to me. SANDY: I'm not calling to make peace. I'm looking for Ryan. JULIE: Ryan? You told me to stay away from him, remember? SANDY: Oh come on. He called you as soon as he found out I had Volchok in custody. (Pause. Julie seems distraught.) JULIE: Volchok is in custody? SANDY: So you really didn't know, huh? JULIE: No. No I didn't. SANDY: He turned himself in this morning. I already spoke to the DA, it should be a done deal by tonight. JULIE: So it's really over... SANDY: I sure as hell hope so. (Julie hangs up. She seems to be in shock.) Julie? Julie? (Kaitlin walks into the kitchen.) KAITLIN: Mom are you OK? JULIE: I don't know. KAITLIN: Well do you wanna lie down or something? JULIE: Do I wanna lay in the dark with nothing but my thoughts to distract me? No, Kaitlin, that is not what I wanna do. KAITLIN: OK, never mind. I'll just go find my dog. (Kaitlin walks out of the kitchen. Mr Roberts is walking in to the kitchen.) She's having a meltdown. Good luck. MR ROBERTS: Julie, you look pale. Are you alright? JULIE: I'm fine. I... I have a turkey to cook, potatoes to mash and... and that's all I have to think about. Just... just think about the task at hand. Will you get out of here? You're in the way. I have to paste a turkey. INT. MOTEL (Ryan is going from motel to motel, looking for Volchok.) MAN: There's nobody registered by that name. (Ryan leaves the motel. Sandy is waiting for him by his car.) SANDY: Close, but he's not here. RYAN: So I'll keep looking. SANDY: Why don't you come with me? RYAN: Yeah? So you can take me home and give me one of your lectures. SANDY: Oh, we're beyond all that. RYAN: Alright. So what are you doing here? SANDY: Why don't you find out? Come on. (They both walk over to Sandy's car.) INT. COEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM (Summer is frantically trying to organise seating for the Thanksgiving meal.) SUMMER: There aren't enough chairs. Darryl needs a chair! SETH: Summer, can we talk... HOMELESS MAN: Hahaha! Hey, yeah! SUMMER: I'm just gonna make a seating area out of cushions on the floor. SETH: Summer, we need to talk. INT. ROBERTS HOUSE - KITCHEN (Julie is mashing potatoes. Mr Roberts is standing next to her.) JULIE: I can't talk, I have to mash these potatoes. Hand me the cream. MR ROBERTS (firmly): No. No more distraction tactics. You and I both know what's going on here. (Julie pours too much milk into the potatoes.) JULIE: Now these are ruined. I'm going back to the store. (Julie walks out of the kitchen and into the entrance hall, where Kaitlin is on her knees, scrubbing the floor.) KAITLIN: You wouldn't happen to have any baking soda would you? JULIE: Kaitlin, get that dog out of my house right now or so help me God I will have it put to sleep. KAITLIN: God, you would wouldn't you. (Kaitlin walks out of the front door.) JULIE: Kaitlin, where are you going? KAITLIN: To the Coens. They don't hate the whole family mom, just you. (Kaitlin walks to her car and gets in.) JULIE: Fine! Don't come crying to me when Kirsten's turkey tastes like rubber! (Mr Roberts walks out of the house and over to Julie.) MR ROBERTS: Julie. Julie! Listen to me. Listen to me! I love you, but you are acting insane. INT. COEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM SUMMER: I'm not insane, OK? What's insane is how I used to be when all I would do was hang out with my best friend, and go tanning with her, and go shopping, and braid her hair, and talk to her on the phone... SETH: Summer, stop. Let's be honest for a sec. That's what this is all about. EXT. ROBERTS HOUSE - FRONT DRIVEWAY MR ROBERTS: Marissa. It's all about her. You've got to stop running away and let yourself grieve. JULIE: My keys... MR ROBERTS: Stop running away from me! INT. COEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM (Summer grabs her bags and is making her way towards the front door.) SUMMER: I'm not running away, I just didn't realise how late it was. My dad's probably totally freaking out. SETH: I'm sorry I said it, just please don't go. EXT. ROBERTS HOUSE - FRONT DRIVEWAY JULIE: You're the one who walked away Neil. You had the affair, remember? (Julie gets into her car.) MR ROEBRTS: Nothing happened with Gloria and me. I told you, I needed somebody to talk to. JULIE: Well you can talk to her all you want now. When I get back, I want you out of this house. MR ROBERTS: It's my house. JULIE: We'll see about that. Bye Neil. (Julie drives away.) INT. COEN HOUSE - FRONT ENTRANCE (Summer walks out of the front door.) SUMMER (to Seth): Bye EXT. MOTEL (Sandy pulls up in a motel parking lot.) SANDY (motioning to a motel room): He's in there. Otis said he'd need some time to file the charges so I put him up here. Room 102. RYAN: If this is some kind of dare, I'm gonna take it... SANDY: I trust you. (Ryan gets out of the car.) INT. MOTEL - ROOM 102 (Ryan opens the door to room 102 and walks inside. Volchok is sitting on the bed.) VOLCHOK: Been waiting a long time for this I bet. (He stands up.) So what are you waiting for? (Ryan punches Volchok twice. Volchok falls to the floor. Ryan grabs a glass bottle, smashes half of it against a drawer and holds the other half above Volchok, ready to strike him.) VOLCHOK: Do it! kll me! I don't care anymore... I just want it to be over. I just want it to be over. EXT. MOTEL (A police car and Otis' car pull up in the motel parking lot. Otis walks over to Sandy.) OTIS: He still in there? SANDY: Yeah. OTIS: Look, maybe we should go in. SANDY: No, give him a minute. INT. MOTEL - ROOM 102 (Ryan is sitting on the bed. Volchok is sitting on the floor.) RYAN: You didn't try to help, you didn't even stop. VOLCHOK: I got scared. I freaked like hell. RYAN: And she died. On the side of the road. VOLCHOK: I think about that night every day. That's all I think about. I wish I could take it back... RYAN: I don't wanna hear about how bad you feel. Tell me why you did it. VOLCHOK: Does it matter? RYAN: It matters to me. VOLCHOK: I don't know, OK? I mean, I was coming after you. You got the girl, I didn't, and that was hard for me to handle. I just... I wanted you to pull over. And it all just got out of control. RYAN: So what? It was all an accident? A mistake? VOLCHOK: I know that doesn't change anything, so if you wanna finish this... I'm not gonna fight back. RYAN: I'm not doing you any favors. You have to live with what you did. It's over. EXT. MOTEL (We see the door of room 102 open. Ryan steps out, followed by Volchok. Volchok is handcuffed by two police officers. Ryan walks over to Sandy.) SANDY: I'm proud of you. RYAN: Sorry. SANDY: You hungry? RYAN: Starving. SANDY: Well let's go. Otis, you got this? OTIS: We'll take him in. I'll call you after I'm done. SANDY: Alright, thanks. (Volchok and Ryan look at each other as Volchok is taken away by the police officers.) INT. ROBERTS HOUSE - DINING ROOM (Summer walks into the dining room. The Thanksgiving meal has been prepared and is on the table. Julie is sitting alone.) JULIE (sadly): Hey. SUMMER: Hey. Where's my dad? JULIE (sadly): Gone. SUMMER: Kaitlin? JULIE: Gone. (Summer sits at the table next to Julie.) We can't go on like this any more can we? SUMMER: No. (Summer reaches out and holds Julie's hand.) INT. COEN HOUSE - KITCHEN (Seth is using his cellphone.) SETH: I just got her voicemail again. I'm gonna go over there. TAYLOR: I don't think you should. In fact, I am turning your ringer off. (Taylor takes Seth's cellphone and turns it off.) SETH: Don't. My girlfriend's freaking out. TAYLOR: That's exactly what she should be doing. Seth she needs to face what happened on her own before you can help her with it. (Kaitlin walks over to Seth and Taylor.) KAITLIN: Hey. You guys your mom says you're ready for dinner. (Everyone sits at the table.) HOMELESS MAN: You wanna cut the bird? I'm hungry. KIRSTEN: Um, Darryl, we're going to wait foe the rest of the family. (Sandy and Ryan walk into the kitchen.) SANDY: We're here. KIRSTEN: Oh, finally! (to Ryan) Are you OK? RYAN: Yeah, I'm fine. (They hug.) KIRSTEN: Thank God you're home. SANDY: Honey, who... who are these gentlemen at the table? SETH: It's a long story dad. (Later: everyone is sitting at the table, enjoying the meal.) HOMELESS MAN: Can you pass the gravy? RYAN: Sure buddy. SANDY: Hey, didn't I defend you a couple of years and for a B and E? HOMELESS MAN: Yeah, now I remember! I called you crazy eyebrow man. SANDY: Well, I'll take that as a compliment. (to Seth) An old client of mine, how do you like that? SETH: Yeah that's pretty wild dad. HOMELESS MAN 2: You wanna hear wild? I am ninety percent sure that's my dog. (He points to the dog Kaitlin is holding.) KAITLIN: Ok, there's no way that this is your dog. This is little Julie. HOMELESS MAN 2: Uh uh. That's Savage. Baby, I've been looking everywhere for you. (He takes back his dog.) KAITLIN: OK, this can not be happening. TAYLOR: "The Lord giveth and He taketh away." Job, 1.21. Oh but I'm no longer religious. But as a child I went to Bible school and then all of those quotes just kind of... stuck with me. KAITLIN: You are a total freakshow. (Pause.) It is so awesome. TAYLOR: Isn't it though? INT. AIRPORT (Summer is at the airport with her dad. She calls Seth and leaves a message.) SUMMER: Hey, it's me. I'm heading back to Providence. Look everything you said was true and I need to deal with it, but I need to do it on my own. I'm sorry I'm such a mess, it's just... I miss my friend. But I'll call you as soon as I get my head screwed on, OK? I love you. MR ROBERTS: Did you reach him? SUMMER: I left a message. MR ROBERTS: I know I didn't like Seth when I first met him, but I've got to admit his grown on me. I think you two are going to be fine. SUMMER: Thanks for seeing me off. MR ROBERTS: Of course. It's so crazy. To think that next time you come home I might not be living here... SUMMER: Yeah, are you gonna take that job in Seattle? MR ROBERTS: Well the offer came at the perfect time. And the hospital is famous for being wonderfully quirky. It's called Seattle Grace. SUMMER: Is the step-monster going with you. MR ROBERTS: She'll visit. But we'll take it slow, I promise. SUMMER: I'm really sorry that you and Julie broke up. MR ROBERTS: Yeah it's not the Thanksgiving that I had in mind. It's too bad, because I think that you and I could both use it, huh? SUMMER: You know, I could take a later flight. MR ROBERTS: Really? SUMMER: Yeah. It's not too late to have Thanksgiving. MR ROBERTS: What do you have in mind? (Summer motions to a chili restaurant.) I love chilis. SUMMER: You and me both, dad. (They walk into the restaurant.) INT. COEN HOUSE - DINING ROOM (Everyone is still eating the Thanksgiving meal. The doorbell rings.) KIRSTEN: Are we expecting somebody? HOMELESS MAN 2: Oh, I invited a few of my cousins over. I hope that's cool. SANDY: It's cool. I'll handle it. (Sandy gets up from the table and walks over to the front entrance. He opens the front door. It's Julie.) JULIE: Hi. SANDY: Julie, whatever it is it'll have to wait. We're having Thanksgiving. JULIE: I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. SANDY: I don't think I've ever heard you say that before. JULIE: I don't think I ever meant it. SANDY: Well, come on in. (Sandy and Julie walk into the dining room.) KIRSTEN: Sandy why don't you pull out a chair. JULIE: No, um... (She looks at Ryan.) SANDY (to Ryan): Go ahead. (Ryan gets up from the table. He and Julie walk over to the pool house.) INT. COEN HOUSE - POOL HOUSE (Julie sits down on the bed.) JULIE (in tears): Tell me about her. RYAN: What? JULIE: Anything. Just tell me about her. (Ryan sits down next to Julie.) RYAN: I remember the first time I saw her. She was... she was wearing this white top thing, and I think she had jeans on. She was standing at the bottom of the driveway. And I thought... well that she was really hot. Really hot. She gave me a smile. JULIE: It was a beautiful smile.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x03 - The Cold Turkey"}	foreverdreaming
Psy's office Summer: Thanks for seeing me on such short notice. Psy: I'm glad you came. What brings you in? Summer: Well, I've changed a lot since I got to college. New friends, new interests, new clothes. Psy: Well, that's perfectly normal. Summer: I know. But... I think throwing myself into all these new things is just a way of avoiding dealing with what happened to my friend...who, um... who died. Psy: Well, grief often comes in five stages. Summer: Yeah, but I haven't really been grieving. Why is this happening? Life is so unfair! I'd do anything to change things. Please, just name it, and I'll do it. Nothing matters anyway. But this is so not fair! I'm sorry, I have rage issues. I think she would want me to move on. So that's what I'm going to try to do. Psy: I'm proud of you, Summer. You've made astounding progress, and all in one week. Summer: It's kind of a relief in a way. Now I can go back to being me. Psy: What do you mean by that? Summer: Well, this whole save the planet thing, it was a crutch, right? And nothing against handicapped people, but crutches? Ew. Psy: A lot of people do change when they go to college. Summer: Well, not me. I love shopping, tanning and celebrity gossip, always have, always will. But I think I have to. If I ever want things to be good with my boyfriend again. Psy: Summer, just promise you'll take it slow. Summer: Totally. At the airport Ryan: Hey, man. Seth: Hey, dude, I know, three hour time difference, but, Ryan, she's going to dump me. Ryan: It's okay, I'm awake. Seth: Oh, good. Ryan, she's going to dump me. Ryan: No one believes that, all right? Summer loves you. Seth: The old Summer loved me. But new Summer is upon us, and Providence is the place that spawned her. Ryan: Summer is just dealing with what we're all dealing with, okay? She'll come around. Seth: What if she doesn't? This is my last sht. Otherwise, the girl with the violent temper and good hygiene is nothing but a childhood memory. Seth: Careful, lady, my girlfriend's going to be here any second. Summer: Shut up, Cohen. Seth: Hey, you just punched me. My baby's back. Généric At the beach Sandy: You look good out there. Ryan: Thanks. Sandy: I got to get you on a surfboard. Ryan: Not a chance. Sandy: How about some breakfast? I could use some intel on Seth and Summer. Ryan: You know what, I can't, but, uh, I think they're doing all right. You know? Doing the long distance thing. Sandy: How about you? How are you doing? Ryan: Good, good. Better, once I get my first day of work under my belt. Sandy: Well, Pavo Guapo is lucky to have you working there. Ryan: Me, too. Sandy: Now I got an excuse to come by for your shrimp tacos. Ryan: Yeah, Kirsten warned me about that. You're limited to two a week. Sandy: Oh! I knew I should have divorced that dame. Ryan: Well, it's not forever. Sandy: You're still accepted to Berkeley for next year. I'm just glad you're getting back to your old self. You know? Back home again. New job. Ryan: I'm just trying to stay busy and earn some extra money. Sandy: And hook me up with some shrimp tacos. Ryan: Yeah, right. I'll work on that. I'm going to walk back. I'm kind of sweaty. Sandy: Yeah, I wasn't offering you a ride. Hey, Ryan? Hang in there. Brown's college - Summer's bedroom Seth: Wow, that was a lot better than what I was imagining on the plane. Summer: You were imagining it on the plane? Seth: Not like that. When you called me here, I was sure you were going to break up with me. Summer: Well, I know I'm not the one that usually apologizes in this relationship, but I'm sorry about everything. I turned into a liberal zealot just to distract myself from my own grief. I'm not even into all this stuff. Seth: So the old you is back? Summer: In all of my artificially tanned glory. Seth: Thank God 'Cause I was not sure that the new you and old me were really working. Summer: Yeah, the new me kind of smelled weird. Well, what would you have done if I didn't go back to being me? Seth: I had a plan to coax the old Summer out. The Valley, Season Three? Summer: Awesome! At Cohen's Kirsten: I checked on Ryan. Did he leave already? Sandy: Yeah. He seemed to be doing okay. I was hoping to hang with him while Seth is away. Poker, maybe sht a little pool, but his new job is going to make that tough. Kirsten: Well, I could rack a few balls with you. Sandy: You are so smart and sexy and gorgeous. But sometimes a man just needs to hang with the guys. Kirsten: Well, that I'm not. Sandy: You know, Jimmy left, Caleb died, then Jimmy left again. Even Neil's gone. Look, I wasn't a pennant winner, but at least I had a bullpen, you know? Kirsten: It's baseball talk. I got it. Why don't you give Jason Spitz a call? You're always saying how funny he is. Why don't you ask him to do something? Sandy: Yeah, yeah... I don't know. I mean, it's a little weird for a guy to ask another guy to do something right out of the blue like that. Kirsten: Since when is Sandy Cohen afraid of acting weird? Sandy: Well, Spitz is pretty funny. He's allegedly a scratch golfer. He likes the Dodgers. I could live with that. Kirsten: It sounds perfect for you. Sandy: Yeah, but what am I going to do? I'm going to give him a call or what? Ask him out? Kirsten: Come on. Why don't you use some of that Sandy Cohen charm? I'm sure he won't be able to resist. Sandy: It's been a long time since I been out there, honey. What if Spitzy doesn't like me? Kirsten: Are you calling him Spitzy now? Sandy: No, not yet. Do you think he'll go for it? At Roberts' Julie: Well, that's very generous of you. Thank you, Neil. Bye. Kaitlin: So how's Seattle? Is that short, sassy lady still bossing Dr. Roberts around the hospital? Julie: Neil is fine. He's going to let us stay in the house as long as we want. Kaitlin: Well, nice work, Mom. Julie: I wish I could take all the credit, but it was actually Neil's idea. He's really very sweet. Kaitlin: Oh, you miss him. Well, don't worry. We'll find you another old dude to pay for all your stuff and cheat on you. Julie: Is that what I'm teaching you? Kaitlin: Mm, pretty much. Julie: Well, no more. Now that we have our housing situation handled, I am officially giving up men. Good one. Kaitlin: That'll last a week, max. Julie: I'll take that wager, young lady. And I'll make one with you. I will not so much as bat an eyelash at a man, and you will stay out of trouble. Kaitlin: You cannot live without a man. not even for a week. Taylor: Morning, roomies Anyone want a protein scramble? Julie: Nice to see you're making yourself at home, Taylor. Taylor: Well, thanks for making me feel at home, Jules. Summer's room is just adorable. And I don't know how I ever lived without a home gym. Kaitlin: Oh, this came for you today. Who's Henry Michael? Taylor: Uh... Oh, Henri Michel? That's just, um, my French husband. I'm sure it's nothing. Excuse me. Julie: You see? Man drama-- who needs it? Kaitlin: Hey, Ernesto's looking pretty hot. Nice six-pack. Julie: Where? Kaitlin: Gotcha. At Ryan's workplace Ryan: Taylor, hey. Taylor: Hi, Ryan. Are you working at El Pavo Guapo? You know, that means a handsome turkey? Ryan: That's why I took the job. Taylor: Hey, do you know when Seth's going to be back? I really need to talk to him. Ryan: Sorry, gone for the weekend. Taylor: You know, that shirt really brings out your eyes. Ryan: It's black. What are you doing here, Taylor? Taylor: Just in the mood for Mexican. Ryan: Mm-hmm. Taylor: Maybe the Macho Nacho Burrito wrap with extra guac. And... Oh, um, a favor. Ryan: No, no, no, sorry. Taylor: With Seth gone, you're the only one I can turn to. Ryan: Well, I'm honored. Taylor: Okay, so, I'm trying to get divorced, and I just found out that Henri Michel... Oh, that's my French husband. Um, he's coming to Newport and I know he's going to try and talk me out of it, and I could really use you there. Ryan: No. Taylor: I'm afraid to be alone with him. I'm afraid of his sensual powers. Ryan, the man is a sexual Jedi. Whatever he asks you to do, you just do it. It doesn't matter how depraved... Ryan: Okay, some people are trying to eat here, including me someday, so... Taylor: Ryan, please. If I go alone, I'll be back in France next week. You don't know how hard it was to leave. Seth and Summer are gone,my mom kicked me out, and... I have no one else. Look, just do me this one favor, and I'll leave you alone. Ryan: Promise? At Brown's college - Summer's bedroom Che: Knock, knock. Hey, Summer, can you fact-check this flier on solar panels? It's for the rally tomorrow. Summer: Che, I'd like to talk. Che: Sure, man. What's up? Summer: I haven't been completely honest with you about who I really am. This is my shoe collection. There's leather, suede, and the occasional calfskin boot. Che: Whoa, my friend. Summer: These are my magazines. I know which stars pump gas just like us, and who's on pump watch. And this is Marissa. She was my best friend, um, but she died in a car accident on graduation night. Che: Summer, I'm sorry. That's-That's really heavy. Summer: Yeah, well, it's so heavy that I couldn't deal, so... I put all my energy towards being an activist, but that's not who I am. These shoes and these magazines-- that's me, but I hope we can still be friends. Che: All I can do is be me, whoever that is. It's, uh... it's Dylan. The guy's a genius. Look, Summer, if you've found your place in this world, I am nothing but happy for you. Seth: Hey. I put some cream in your coffee. I figured you'd be back on dairy. Summer: Hey, uh, Che, this is my boyfriend, Seth. Seth, this is Che. Che: Summer, you have a twin flame. I wish I knew you were coming into town. I would have made you a bracelet. Seth: Oh, hey. Uh, where I come from, we just say hey. Che: Well, to borrow your native tongue, hey. Listen, forget what I said about the rally. We got plenty of warriors for the fight. You two, just... be. Summer: Thanks, Che. Seth: What's that? Summer: It's garbage. At Sandy's office Sandy: Hi, Jason. How you doing? Jason: I just had a meeting with Kaminsky. Sandy: Oh, the slowest talker in the world. It took forever. Forever. Jason: Good to see you, man. Sandy: Hey, uh... you got any plans this weekend? Jason: Sandy, I've been working the past six Saturdays. Sandy: No, no, I didn't mean that. I'm just saying that we could, you know, you and I, uh, we could do something. Jason: Do something? Sandy: Poker, pool, you know, a little small ball. If you're free. If not, no worries. Jason: Can I get back to you on that? Sandy: Oh, sure, yeah. Whatever. Brown's college - Summer's bedroom Summer: God, this is so disgusting. Seth: I don't know, I think you're being too hard on April. Derek's knee was... it was really messed up. Summer: No, I just... I don't like this show anymore. All they do is create fake problems for fake people just to distract viewers from the real problems in the world. Seth: Well, I don't think the network would go for a sexy teen soap set in the Damascus, but we can turn it off if you want. I just thought you liked it. Summer: I'm just distracted. I haven't been keeping up on how much blow Lindsay Lohan's doing. And did you hear about JT and Cameron? Seth: No, what? Summer: I don't know. That is the point. I'm going to go get one of my magazines. Seth: That sounds like the old Summer. I'm going to stay here and, uh, keep watching. You know, I have this thing where if I start something, I have to finish. Is that like a disease or a condition? Summer: Don't really know, Cohen. I'm reading about who got lipo. Yatch club Ryan: You know, you might want to relax. Taylor: Distract me. Tell me about this, um, cage fighting. It's something that I've been meaning to get into. Ryan: Yeah? Yeah? Ask me another favor, I'll be happy to show you. Taylor: Oh, Ryan Atwood with a side of sauce. I like it. You're going to have to do better, though, 'cause right now all I ca think of is him, my husband, and his arms, his smell... making love in the barn in gn. Ryan: Sounds like the perfect guy. Why would you want to divorce? Taylor: Well, despite being agnostic in most things, I do believe in true love. And this was not it. Well, back to you and your life. What is your favorite fruit? Ryan: Peaches. Taylor: Oh, he used to say my breasts were like two, soft... Ryan: Is that him? Taylor: No, that's... his lawyer. Lawyer: Madam. Ryan: Is everything okay? Taylor: No, not exactly. Ryan: What did he say? What's wrong? What's going on? Taylor: Oh, I just told him you were a soccer fan. Ryan: Oh. Yeah, I like soccer. At Brown's college - Summer's bedroom Seth: Sorry today was such a bust. Summer; What are you talking about? We totally cleaned out the mall. Seth: Well, you threw your smoothie at a lady on the street. Summer: Hey, that fur did not look faux. Seth: Yeah, I just feel like your mind is someplace else. Summer: My mind is on this adorable sweater right here. I'm going to try it on' with that bag we bought, because how cute would they look together? Now, if you don't mind, a little privacy. Seth: Well, I enjoy watching you take off your clothes, I'm sure I'll enjoy watching you put them on. Summer: Hey, this is a very intense process. Seth: All right, actually this is perfect. I wanted to head over to Thayer Street and do a walking tour of ethnic foods. I can't be moving here if the shwarma is not up to par. Summer: Well, bring me a kabob. Che: Hey, Summer. Summer: Che, hey, I wanted to know how the rally went. Che: We marched, we chanted, and along the way, we may have even opened up a few eyes. We'll see. Summer: Oh, that sounds great. Che: Yeah, Summer, what are you doing? Summer: Trying on a sweater. Hey, Seth and I are going to watch a movie here later if you want to come by. Che: No, I can't. We're prepping for tomorrow night's debate. Summer: Debate? Che: They agreed to grant us an audience with the dean, present our proposal. Only thing not powered by the fuel of the sun is our passion. Summer: Uh, well, tell everyone I said hi, and good luck. Che: Yeah, thanks. So do you like it? Summer: Huh? Like what? Che: The new sweater. Summer: No. Yatch club Kirsten: So you're really giving up on men? Julie: Men are to me, what Chardonnay is to you. One sip and I'm upside down on a chandelier. Kirsten: Not that you've ever done that. What's your point, Julie? Julie: I'm just trying to set a good example for Kaitlin, develop my own interests, maybe my career, that is, if you'd still have me as a partner. Kirsten: As I told you, New Matchis there for you whenever you want. Julie: Thanks, Keeks. I was hoping you'd say that. Okay, so, I have so many new ideas about expanding. I went online. I checked out some office... Oh, there's Taryn. Kirsten: Wow, she looks amazing. Did she have some work done? Julie: She's had something. Taryn: Kirsten, great to see you. Julie, I'm so sorry about Neil. I hope you plan to sue. You know, just because you aren't legal doesn't mean you're not entitled to some sort of... Kirsten: Oh, it's Sandy. Excuse me. Hi, honey. Sandy: Hey, guess what? Kirsten: I'm not good at guessing. Sandy: I'm going out. Kirsten: I'm jealous, with who? Sandy: Spitz! Spitzy to me. Kirsten: He called? Sandy: He called. Kirsten: How about that? How about that? Sandy: Maybe a little golf, maybe a drink after, watch the game. Kirsten: Golfing, game watching, suddenly not so jealous. Taryn: Thanks, but I don't think I'll be needing a dating service anymore. Julie: Really? I didn't know you were seeing anyone. Taryn: Oh, not someone... someones. Young ones. Men our age are so complicated. Young guys just like to have fun. And they are so grateful for a woman who knows what she's doing. Julie: Oh, so grateful, and limber. Taryn: Hey, a group of us are going out tomorrow night. You should come. Julie: Uh, I'm trying to be a role model. Taryn: Oh, mm-hmm. I'll call you. Kirsten: Did Taryn run off already? Mm-hmm. What's she doing? Julie: Him. Harbour Brad: Hey, Kaitlin! We got a guy who can hook us up with fake I.D.'s. It's awesome. Kaitlin: Yeah. I think I'll pass. Brad: You've wanted a fake I.D. since you were six. Eric: Yeah, come on. Brad: Yeah, and the guy's leaving town next week. Kaitlin: Well, where is he going? Eric: He's going to prison. Brad: Yeah, for fraud. Because he's awesome. Kaitlin: Look, you guys, I made a bet with my mom that I'd stay out of trouble. And this definitely sounds like trouble. Brad: Dude, not if we don't get caught. Eric: Dude, seriously. Brad: Yeah, dude, seriously. Kaitlin: Well, with a foolproof plan like that, how can I say no? At Ryan's workplace Taylor: Garcon? Ryan: Ah! Taylor ! It's been a few hours since your last Macho Nacho. You must be starving. Taylor: I was thinking of the mol. And, um, one more tiny little favor. Ryan: Does it involve me standing around while you speak French? 'Cause I've already done that. Taylor: No, no, no. I actually just need your signature. You see, before I can get divorced, I have to have someone attest to my character. Ryan: That's in French. Taylor: It's just the usual boilerplate. You know, never been to prison- well, me, not you. Never been married before, no contact with livestock, blah, blah, blah. So I think I have a pen. Ryan: Uh, you know, actually, can I sign that after work? Just leave it here. Taylor: Sure. Yes, okay. Thank you very much. So you don't speak French at all? Ryan: No, why? Taylor: Well, it must have been really boring for you today. Sorry. Brown's college Che: Hey, Seth, man, what's up? Seth: Hey, I got some extra baba ghanoush. Che: Oh, baba ghanoush. No thanks, man. Seth: I'm all right. Where's Summer? I gave her a little time-out. It's not easy having house guests. Che: What?! I thought you guys were having this great day, purchasing luxury goods, and eating things with faces. Seth: Honestly, it could have gone a little better. I mean, you know, I support her, whatever she's into, but I really need this to work 'cause... Summer: The people have spoken! We are of one voice, one mind and one heart! Yeah! I will not sleep, I will not eat, I will not rest until this hypocrisy ends. Solar panels on all of our dormitories, or we revolt! Student: Who's with Summer? Yeah! All: Yeah! Yeah! Poolhouse Ryan: Hey, man, how's your French? Seth: Old Summer's been replaced by the real Summer, and she looks suspiciously like the new Summer. Ryan: So she's still in her "Go Green" phase? Seth: I don't think it's a phase, man. I think this is her life now, and it's obvious I don't fit in it. Uh, sorry, gotta go. Ryan! Hey, wait, I've got to talk to you about Taylor... what...? Brown's college Summer: Didn't mean to eavesdrop. Seth: It's okay. Summer: Well, I knew you were lying last night when you said nothing was wrong. Seth: Nothing is wrong; you're doing what people do at college-- discovering who you really are. Summer: Believe me, I am as surprised as you are. But I'm still going to shave my legs and wash my hair, and be the best girlfriend that I can. Seth: Well, you know, who can ask for more than that? Summer: Think of all the new subjects we'll have to talk about. Seth: I did explain the concept of recycling to you in tenth grade. Summer: See, there's lots of places where we could use your help, Cohen. Brown's college - Che's bedroom Che: Please come in. Enter. Seth: Hey... Oh! You're really nude. Why don't I... let me come back. Che: No! Wait right there. I have a gift for you. My song. Seth: Wow. Wow. That's really, uh... Anyways, listen, I kind of need your help. Che: Yeah, bro, one second. Uh, I'm actually really honored you would ask me. Seth: Oh, hey, that's cool, we can shake. We can shake. We can shake. And we're touching. Golf course Sandy: Oh! Fore! Jason: Yeah, hi. Sorry! Sandy: Rob, what are you doing? Jason: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye. I'm sorry about that. My, my kid's got a rash. I got to go to the pharmacy after this. Sandy: Oh, sorry. Jason: Take another one. It was my fault. Sandy: No, no, no! You're up. I'll play it from the parking lot. Jason: I think I ht your car. It'd be an improvement. Sandy.. uh...You know, my kid doesn't have a rash. My wife's just calling, making sure I'm having a good time, you know, because I don't have that many guy friends anymore. Sandy: Who does? Who's got the time? Jason: I know, it's work, family, then more work, you know? When did it get so hard? Sandy: Well, when we were kids, all you had to do was ask, hey, want to play some ball? And we didn't have any cell phones. Jason: I turned mine off. I'm really sorry about that. Sandy: Oh! I'm so sorry, man! I'm so sorry. It's the office. I'm turning it off. Jason: I think I ht your car anyway. At Cohen's Kirsten: I love this space and I love the windows. Julie: Plus it's by the beach, so there'd be lots of foot traffic and eye candy, not that I'm looking. Kirsten: So I'll make an appointment for us for Monday? Are you doing anything tonight? Julie: No, Kaitlin's with the twins, working on a science project, so I have the night all to myself. Kirsten: Well, Sandy's out with a friend. Do you want to do something? I don't know-- takeout and a movie? Julie: Two women spending Saturday night at home together. I love it. How very Whatever Happened To Baby Jane. Kirsten: Go ahead, you can take it. Julie: No, that's okay. Just a sec. Hello? Taryn: It's Taryn. You joining us tonight? Julie: Uh, actually, I'm here with Kirsten and we were thinking about maybe... Taryn: Order in and watch a movie? Oh, honey, even with the wonders of elective surgery, you will only be this hot for so long. Have fun while you can. Julie, you still there? Julie: I'll call you back. Kirsten: Oh, I was just going to get some takeout menus. Do you know what you'd like to eat? Julie: Kirsten, I feel like I'm coming down with something. I'm not feeling so hot. Do you mind if I take a rain check on our girl's night in? Kirsten: Julie, did you just put on lipstick? Julie: What? No, uh... I'm just a little flushed. I'll call you. Parking Kaitlin: Okay, I think that's the guy. Brad: Kaitlin, what if he's packing heat? Kaitlin: Okay, you guys just stay here. Money. Got what we talked about? Man: In here. Great, so it's covered in lice and grease. Put your money in the hat and try and be cool about it. Kaitlin: You think it's my first buy? It's been a pleasure. Man: I'm available, by the way. Kaitlin: That's heinous. Nightclub Julie: I don't know about this, Taryn. It might be too soon. Taryn: Julie, I know how you feel. But there's one man who can always get me out on the dance floor. His name is Jose. Jose Cuervo. Have you met my friend Julie Cooper-- urban cougar. Ryan's workplace Taylor: Ryan! There you are. You know, I think there might be something wrong with your phone. I called you three times today. Ryan: Six, actually. Taylor: Oh, well, um, did you get a chance to look at that silly little document? Ryan: Yeah! I did. And I had a question for you. Um, what does that mean? Taylor: Oh, that's just lawyer speak. You know, just party of the first part, party of the second part. Ryan: So it doesn't say we had sex, like, 30 times? Took me like five hours to translate that. Taylor: Sorry. Ryan: Yeah. Taylor: It's just that without the consent of my husband, the only way I can get a divorce is if one of us was unfaithful. I just didn't think you'd sign if you knew the truth. Ryan: Yeah, well, I've got a lot of half-eaten enchiladas to clear. Taylor: Ryan, I have to meet that lawyer at the yacht club tonight, and if I don't have this signed, I'm going to have no choice but to go with him to France and try to work it out with Henri Michel, face-to-face. Ryan: Which means you won't be able to keep coming here, which is a real shame. Taylor: Well, did you at least read this part where I said what a great lover you are? Ryan: Look, Taylor... this job, this is about all I can handle right now. You know? Taylor: I shouldn't have dragged you in to this. Ryan: Yeah, that's what I've been trying to say. Taylor: It's just that I...don't have anyone else. It's kind of why I married a Frenchman in the first place. I mean, my mom hates me. I don't really know my dad, and last year was the first year I ever had friends. All of a sudden, I'm by myself in a foreign country, and I meet this guy who says he loves me. He wants to take care of me and... and... One too many bottles of Chateau Margot and a view from the Eiffel Tower, and why not? That's how Tom wooed Katie. Why not me? Ryan: Well, look, I'm sorry you're going through all this. I'm just not the guy to help. Sorry. Brown's college Summer: Here they come. There you are. Che: Sorry we're late. Earlier today, a caterpillar entered my room. I'm happy to say a butterfly emged. Seth: Did you know that the amount of solar energy that touches the Earth's surface in 40 minutes is greater than all the energy required by the entire human population in a year? Summer: Yes, I did know that. Che: It's a thing of beauty, isn't it? Come on, friends. Man: Oh, the board only allows students in the town meeting. Do you go here? Seth: Uh, no... But I made this. Summer: Can you just make an exception? It's for the good of the Earth. Man: No, I'm afraid not. Seth: Well, it's cool, you go ahead. Summer: But it's your last night here. You can't spend it alone. Seth: Summer, everybody in there is counting on you, okay? I can amuse myself for a few hours. Summer: You're the best boyfriend ever. Seth: Go change the world. Ryan's workplace Sandy: Looks like you're going to get a chance to meet one of my kids. Hey, Ryan. Ryan: Hey. Sandy: I'd like you to meet Jason Spitz from work. Ryan: What's up? How you doing? Sandy: We're about to go in and watch the game, get a bite to eat. Can you join us? Ryan: Uh, you know, actually, I'm kind of bat. But you guys go ahead. Nice to meet you. Jason: Good to meet you. Sandy: I'll be inside. Yeah. Is everything okay? 'Cause I'm guessing not really. Ryan: I didn't get fired, I didn't punch any of my drunken customers, I'd say I'm great. Sandy: One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Eventually, it'll get easier. Ryan: Yeah, why, because I'll start to forget about her? Sandy: No, no. You're never going to forget about her. But... life goes on. Ryan: Not the same life. Sandy: No. But you're going to have to make this life work. Ryan: Yeah, but I do, you know? I got a job. I go there, I go home. I talk to as few people as possible. Sandy: If it were only that easy. Unfortunately for you, getting mixed up in other people's lives, helping them out of jams, it seems to be what you do, like it or not. I'd hate to see you turn your back on that. It'd be like rning your back on yourself. Come on, join us, would you? Get a little food, watch the second half of the game. Ryan: Actually, there's something I've got to do. Uh, you guys have fun. Sandy: All right. Ryan: All right. Nightclub Man: Cover's 20 bucks, just pay inside. Kaitlin: Let me do the talking, okay? Man: You got an I.D.? It's cool. Cover's 20 bucks, just pay inside. Kaitlin: Cool. Man: Sorry, boys, not tonight. Brad: What? Why? Kaitlin: I'm sorry, is there a problem with their I.D.'s? Because they're with me. Man: There's a problem with them. See, I have the right to refuse entry to anybody. And tonight that includes dorks and virgins. So just b*at it, guys. Brad: Fine. Eric: Whatever, man. Brad: That blows. Come on, Kaitlin, let's go. Eric: Yeah, you can't go in there without us. Brad: Who's going to protect you? Kaitlin: See you guys later. Man: Need you to move aside, guys. Ryan's workplace Sandy: This is great. Watching the game, having a beer. For five minutes, the sky isn't falling. A chance to be stupid again. Jason: Here's to being stupid for five minutes. Sandy: Hey, honey. Kirsten: How's it going? Sandy: Great. Spitz just told me a story about how his kid's walked in on him and his wife when they were playing Strip Scrabble. Kirsten: Strip Scrabble? I'm glad things are going well. Sandy: Yeah. So how are you doing? You having fun with Julie? Kirsten: Well, Julie had a mysterious illness. So I'm home alone. I just finished watching a movie and I thought I'd check in. I love you. Sandy: I love you. Bye. Yatch club Taylor: I don't love him. I never did. I was just scared. Ryan: Sorry I'm late. You have that paper for me to sign? Lawyer: It won't be necessary. I may be a lawyer, but I'm also a Frenchman. I know love when I see it. I will inform Henri Michel. Taylor: Ryan, I... Ryan: Don't worry about it. Brown's college Che: We stand before you, an organized student body. We have a question. Where does this burden fall? Summer: Hey, sleepyhead. Seth: Hey. Summer: Hey. Seth: Did we win? Summer: Not yet, but Che suggested a filibuster, so it could go on all night. I think we got 'em. Seth: That's great. Summer: Yeah. When I showed them my cost benefit analysis chart, jaws actually dropped. Seth: Of course they did. There's all these old people in there that are actually listening to me. Me! It felt better than when I got 70% off that Marc Jacobs dress with the broken zipper. Seth: I wish I could have been there. Summre: Instead you slept in the hallway on your last night in Providence. Seth: I'm totally fine. Listen, go back in there and knock it out of the park. Summer: Was that a sports reference? Seth: Maybe. See, I know people can change. Poolhouse Ryan: Yeah? Taylor: Oh, I'm sorry. Were you asleep? Ryan: No. Taylor: Oh, well, then my timing is impeccable, as always. So I wanted to thank you. So I made you peach torte. Yeah, after I got married, Henri Michel made me take a cooking class. Um, I failed everything except tortes. Tortes I rocked. Ryan: Uh, well, that's great, but, um... Taylor: You're not a dessert guy. Okay. Well, um, I could make you lunch, or... dinner. I have to pay you back somehow. Ryan: I love dessert. Taylor: Okay. Fork. Ryan: Thanks. Taylor: Yeah? All right. Wow. Who would have thought, six months ago, you and I, sitting here, sharing a torte. Ryan: Not me. Taylor: You know, at graduation, in my commencement address, I said there's no one older than a high school senior, no one younger than a college freshman. It was one of the few parts that wasn't in Latin. And uh, it's true. Because I feel like everything I thought I knew, everything that I expected, is just kind of gone out the window. Ryan: Yeah, life is definitely unpredictable. Taylor: Yeah. But I guess I'm realizing that that could be a good thing. You know? Because it's exciting not knowing what's going to happen. Ryan: Taylor, this is a great torte. Really good. At the airport Seth: Can I have the next flight to John Wayne Airport, please? Man: 8:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. Seth: Come on. Brown's college - Summer's bedroom Machine: Hey, Summer. I know flying home early is your move, but I stole it. I just wanted to give you room to keep doing what you're doing, because I think it's pretty amazing. So if you don't hear from me for a while, it's not because I don't love you, it's because I do. End of the episode.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x04 - The Metamorphosis"}	foreverdreaming
Poolhouse Seth: Bollywood, huh? I didn't know you're such a world cinema buff, especially at 2:30 in the morning. Ryan: What are you doing up? Seth: I had a dream Summer was marrying Ralph Nader and I was playing the marimba at the wedding. Ryan: Good gig. Why don't you call her? Seth: I'm giving her space, remember? I promised myself I'd wait at least a week before calling. What are they dancing about? Ryan: This guy just saw his girlfriend's ankle. Hmm. You think it's about time to talk to someone? Seth: Nobody ever died of insomnia. Fine. You know what? I'm sort of in the mood for a chaste Hindu love story with lots of needless dancing. Ryan: Seth, go to bed. Seth: No can do. If you're awake, I'm awake. At Cohen's Kirten: Come on. Love is... Seth: Nice. Kirsten: Thank you. You know, you'd be a lot sharper if you didn't sleep on the couch. Seth: You know, maybe you should invest in some less-comfortable furniture. Why don't you chew on that for a while? Sandy: Morning, all. Kirsten: Hey, how'd it go? Seth: Oh. I'll get it. Sandy; Five feet, glassy, and I got that skinflint Sweeton to pledge $30,000 to the PD's Youth Outreach Program. Kirsten: Oh, they are so lucky that you are organizing that event. You are amazing. Sandy: Mm... Uh-huh. What do you need? Kirsten: I just need a slogan for New Match. So far, your son has come up with "Love is Nice," and "Love Schmov." Taylor: "Love is a smoke made with the fumes of sighs; being purged a fre sparkling in lovers' eyes." Kirsten: Taylor, that's beautiful. Taylor: Shakespeare. Old Bill's always good or a line. Julie left this in my car. So, um, I was in the neighborhood, I thought I'd drop it by in case you needed it. Kirsten: Oh, thank you. I'm going to go give Ryan some coffee. Taylor: Um, I can do that. Kirsten: Thank you. Poolhouse Ryan: Hello? Taylor: Easy, girl. Ryan: Taylor, what are you doing here? Taylor: Um, I'm just, uh, bringing Kirsten some papers. This is for you. Ryan: Oh, thanks, but actually, I'm kind of not drinking coffee right now. Taylor: Oh. Well, Ryan, I just wanted to thank you again for helping me with my husband, and I am... Ryan: You don't have to pay me back. Taylor: Are you kidding? If it wasn't for you, I would be in France right now, trapped in a loveless marriage. You saved my life, and I am at your command. Anything you want... anything. Ryan: You could hand me that shirt. Taylor: You joker. Here. Um, I'm serious. You're not getting out of this so easily. You know, in some cultures,they say that if you save someone's life,you're bound to them forever. Bye. At Cohen's Sandy: Here she comes. Taylor: You know, it's odd, but I never appreciated how funny Ryan is. Life-- such a journey. Well, have a nice day. Sandy: She said Ryan was funny. Generic At Roberts' Julie: Oh, my God ! Wake up! Wake up! Hans: Oh, what are you doing? Julie: It's almost 8:00. You have to get out of here before my daughter wakes up. Oh, my God. ** Kaitlin: Are you my new daddy? Hans: Oh, uh, good morning. I'm, I'm your mom's personal trainer. We were just doing an early morning workout. Kaitlin: Oh, really? How much do you charge for that? Hans: Well... Kaitlin: Save it, okay? If my mom wants to club five nights a week, sleep till noon, and hook up with some 25-year-old Bavarian beefcake, it just means she's got less time for me. The door is that way, Hans. Hans: Okay. Julie: Kaitlin... You are having breakfast alone? Kaitlin: Yeah, why? Who else would be here? Julie: No one. Uh, although my new personal trainer was going to come over. You know, we single women have to stay in shape. Kaitlin: Well, I'm sure he'll give you a very good workout. Shopping center Seth: Oh, no. Taylor: Seth! Good, you're here. Seth: Actually, I was just, I was... Taylor: You might want to sit down. I have huge news and a favor to ask you. Seth: You like Ryan and you want my help convincing him to date you? Taylor: Wow. Seth: You said he was funny; that's kind of a giveaway. Taylor: I know, it's crazy. I mean, I've always thought "Cute guy, might be good for a night of rough-and-tumble fun, but it's not like we have anything in common." Seth: So ignore it. It's probably just gas. Taylor: But then when he helped me with my husband and he kissed me, it was like Dorothy landing in Oz. Everything just popped into Technicolor. Seth: Ah. Taylor: You think I don't know what that means? Seth: I said, "Ah." Taylor: Meaning, "Ah, that Taylor, she is so pathetic. Someone's the least bit nice to herand she becomes totally obsessed with them. First me, and then her French husband when he lent her a subway ticket, now Ryan. Seth: Well, you know, isn't it kind of true? Taylor: So what? Yes, I have a psychological predilection to become romantically attached to men who are nice to me due to the fact that I was raised by a she-wolf of a mother who practiced emotional terrorism. Does that mean that if by some miracle, love does come into my life,I should deny it? What kind of person would that make me? What kind of life... Seth: Taylor, what do you want me to do? Taylor: Find out if he's ready to start dating. Seth: Okay. At Ryan's workplace Ryan: Hello? Seth: Hey, you're doing a great job. Ryan: Thanks. Seth: Did you finish the movie last night? Ryan: Uh-huh. Uh, which one? Seth: Are you ready to date again? Ryan: What? Seth: Simple question. Ryan: I have no idea. Why? Seth: Okay, cool. At the comics bookstore Seth: He's not sure. Listen, you don't want to get involved with him right now, okay? He slept like four hours in the last week. He's a mess. Taylor: Really? Interesting. Brown's college Man: Excuse me? Can you not do that now? Excuse me. Che: Hey, we're supposed to clean, buddy. Man: Yeah, and I am in the middle of something. Summer: What's this one's name? Man: Don't touch that. They're part of an experiment. You're a janitor? Che: Uh, you know, we can just go. Betty, we'll come back later. Summer: Yes, Lou, we should go. At the tennis court Spencer: So you're going to hold the ball gently, okay, like, um, like you're holding ice cream. Kaitlin: I stopped eating ice cream. Spencer: So what do you eat? Kaitlin: Nonfat, non-dairy yogurt. Spencer: Fine, hold the ball like nonfat yogurt. Kaitlin: Okay. But if I serve this one in, you have to go out with me. Spencer: Kaitlin, how many times I got to say this? You're 15. Kaitlin: So a kiss is still out of the question? Spencer: Just serve the ball. There it is, it's over the net. Julie: Well, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to squeeze me in for a training session tonight. Mm-hmm. Easy girl. Hold on a second. Spencer: Eye on the ball. Come on. Julie: Kaitlin, you didn't tell me you had a new instructor. Hi, I'm Julie Cooper, Kaitlin's mother. Spencer: How you doing? Spencer. Uh, your daughter, she's got a lot of potential. Mm-hmm. So you play? Julie: Oh, no, I used to, but... I was actually thinking about getting back into it. New Match Office Kirsten: Hey. You're early. Sandy: Well, I wanted to see the new place up and running... and give you this. So Julie already took off, huh? Kirsten: She had to pick up Kaitlin at tennis. Oh, it's a Wonder Woman paperweight. Sandy: Seth gave me his employee discount. Kirsten: Well, it may end up being a souvenir. Sandy: What are you talking about? Kirsten: Remember that woman that I told you about in gn that has a high-end dating service? Sandy: Yeah, she's going to retire, sell you her client list. Kirsten: Well, she got another offer, four times ours,and right now we don't have enough money to counter, which means that all of this could be short-lived. Sandy: What about taking on a backer? Kirsten: I could you put in touch with the donors I've been talking to. Sandy: I'm playing golf tomorrow with Gordon bllet. Kirsten: The oil tycoon? Sandy: Yeah. Kirsten: Didn't he go to jail for tax evasion? Sandy: Yeah, but he's out now. I had dinner with him last month. He's really not a bad guy for being a total pig. Kirsten: I don't know. We just wanted to do this ourselves. And besides, having a silent partner, they always have an opinion. Sandy: Well, it's my impression he's got a lot of fish to fry. So I doubt he'd be involved in your day-to-day, but I could ask him. Kirsten: Okay. Thanks. Brown's college Che: Clear. Summer: Did you find out what they were doing with them? Che: Does it matter? If it wasn't evil,they wouldn't have to keep them locked in cages like animals. Summer: What's the plan again? Che: The plan is to set them loose and then lead them to the forest. The forest, across the river. Summer: Lead them, how? Che: I brought my flute. Summer: Your flute? Like the Pied Piper? Che: Uh, no, scientific study shows that music actually triggers a reaction inside the pleasure center of the rabbit's brain. Check this out. Feel his heartbeat. It's calmer. It's just to keep them calm. But trust me, as soon as they feel the free air on their faces,they're going to be leading us. Summer: Hi. You're a fat bunny. You're name is Pancakes. Did you know that? Huh? Pancakes. Hey, come here. Che: Okay, when I open this door we've got about 60 seconds till the storm troopers arrive. You ready to do this? Summer: Yeah. Che: Welcome to liberty, my friends. Summer: Come on, Pancakes. Poolhouse Ryan: Taylor? Taylor: Ryan, you can't sleep, can you? You poor thing. Ryan: It's 3:00 in the morning. Taylor: Seth told me everything. But lucky for you, junior year, I won the state science fair for my study in sleep disorders. I can help you. Ryan: Oh, well, that's really nice, but actually, you know,I'm fine. Taylor: It's the middle of the night, and you're wide awake. Ryan: So are you. Taylor: Well, I never sleep more than four hours a night. It's unproductive. Ryan, don't you see, this is how I'll pay you back. Ryan: Yeah. You know what? Actually, I'm kind of tired. Taylor: Stop lying. I want you to meet me tomorrow morning at 8:00, at the diner. And I won't take no for an answer. Ryan: Fine. Taylor: Ryan? Ryan: Yeah? Taylor: Good night. Ryan: Good night, Taylor. At the coffee shop Taylor: Okay, just relax. Be normal. You can do this. Good morning, Ryan. Ryan: Hi. Taylor: Oh, you poor thing. You look exhausted. Ryan: Yeah, well, look, Taylor, I don't know what Seth told you, but I'm fine, really. I've got work, so... Taylor: Did you sleep at all last night? Ryan: No, but, uh... Taylor: And how about the night before? Ryan, insomnia can go on for months. What's the harm in letting me try and help you? Ryan: fre away. Taylor: Okay. So, um, first off... How much of this is related to Marissa? I'm really sorry to ask, but if that's what's going on, I think we need to know. Well, I need to know. Ryan: It's not about her. It started after Thanksgiving. Taylor: Hmm. Right after Volchok turned himself in? Ryan: Yeah, I guess, why? Taylor: Ryan, I'm just spit-balling here... Ryan: Yeah, yeah. Taylor: But, um, this is the guy you wanted revenge on, right? So you probably went to bed every night thinking: "I'll get him tomorrow." But now that purpose is gone, so what's the point in going to bed if there's no point in waking up? Ryan: I hadn't thought about that. Taylor: Oh, my God. I am such an awesome sleep therapist. And this is only our first session. Ryan: Yeah, listen, I better go. Taylor: Yes. Ryan: But, uh, thanks. This was, uh... Good. Taylor: Well, my pleasure. Bye. Tennis court Spencer: You ready? Nice sht, Julie. Julie: Thank you, Spencer. Kaitlin: You know, this is supposed to be my tennis lesson. Julie: Don't you think it's fun to do mother-daughter stuff? Kaitlin: Please. Spencer: Come on, keep your eye on the ball, Kaitlin. Let's go. Bring it back, up, and very nice. Back, up and... Very nice. Mm-hmm. Julie: Do you mind? It's the third time. Kaitlin: Sorry. Spencer: Ow. Ooh. Are you all right ? This will helpwith the serve. Julie: I think I really strained it. I'm strong. Soencer: You are strong. I'm pretty impressed. Julie: Ooh, perfect. Where's my racket? Kaitlin: Oh, that's weird. You know, I'm ready when you are. Golf course Gordon: Well, I get that she did a fine job in that whole Middle East thing, but I'm sorry, Madeline Albright-- not hot. Sandy: Well, Gordon... Gordon: I told you to call me bllet. Sandy: Well, bllet, call me crazy, but maybe Madeline Albright doesn't need to be hot. Gordon: Oh, well, that's an interesting point of view, Sandy. Sandy: Hey, your donation to the PD's Outreach Program was really generous, thank you. Gordon: Oh, well, you caught me at the right time. I was in bed with those Arab fellas. That's a metaphor. Them boys cooked the books on me, so I sold out. Left them high and dry. They never should have messed with old bllet. Bang. All righty. Look at that. Shii-ite Muslim. You see, the point is, I'm cash-rich right now, and I don't know what to do with all the stuff. Sandy: Really? Gordon: Cigar? Sandy: No, thanks. Gordon: They're Cuban. Commie bastards do one thing right. Sandy: You know, my wife just started a business, and she and her partner are thinking about taking on investors. In fact, you could talk to them about it tomorrow at the benefit-- you know, get the details. Gordon: Well, I don't think I'm going tomorrow, Sandy. You see, my date went back to her husband. Sandy: I'm going to do you a favor. You should talk to my wife,because that's the business she's in, and her partner is newly single. Gordon: She hot? Ryan's workplace Seth: And I was into recycling way before it was cool. Al Gore got half that stuff from a paper I wrote in sixth grade. I just don't, you know, make a stink, because he's doing good work. Ryan: Well, when are you allowed to call Summer again? Seth: 10:03 tomorrow. Am I driving you crazy? Ryan: No, no. Taylor: Hi, Seth. Ryan, I need your keys. I have to get your room ready. Seth: What? Taylor: Oh, I'm Ryan's sleep therapist. Ryan: Right. Uh, that's your tacos. Seth: Because you can't. Taylor: Why not? I did not tell you about Ryan's sleep problems, so you could use it for some weirdo seduction. I'm not... Seth: Are you a sleep therapist? Are you certified? Sleep ther... Do you have a little certificate from the American Institute of... uh, the sleep place? Taylor: And what if I can help him? He wins, I win. They call it win-win for a reason. Seth: It doesn't matter. You can't. Taylor: Just say what you're really thinking, Seth. Ryan: Hey... Everything okay? Seth: Yeah. Taylor: Great. Seth: Could you go get me some pico de gallo? Ryan: Yeah. Sure. Taylor: It's true-- you don't think I'm good enough. Seth: That's crazy. Taylor: Oh, Taylor, she's so funny, what a kook,but her and Ryan, please. Seth: You need help, do you know that? Taylor: I mean, she's no Marissa. Exactly. Ryan: Here you go. Seth: Thanks, I've got to get back to the shop. Taylor: Yeah, I better go, too. At Brown's college - Summer's bedroom Summer: Hey, Amber. Did Seth..."? Amber: Your boyfriend didn't call. I thought he was giving you space. Summer: Uh... he is. It doesn't mean that I can't call him. Amber: Oldest trick in the book. I'm giving you space so you can call first and look like the needy one. Summer: Seth isn't doing that. Amber: Of course not. Oh, but the dean's office called. They want to see you tomorrow. Summer: What? Did they say what for? Amber: No. Amber: Hey, did you hear that someone set free the bunnies in one of the science labs? Summer: Huh, really? Well, maybe someone thought it was inhumane. Amber: Maybe someone didn't know they were only being studied for their socialization patterns and lived a pretty cushy life. By the way, there's a rabbit under your bed. Summer: Che. Che: I got the call, too. That scientist picked us out of a face book. Apparently the chiseled features of freedom, not that hard to recognize. Summer: What are you going to do? Seth: Breathe, caterpillar. It's all going to be okay. I went through the same exact thing when they tried to frame me for flooding the trustee dinner. Summer: But you did floodthe trustees' dinner. Che: Yeah, but they didn't know that. Flax and Oats? Summer: I don't think I can lie. Che: Of course you can't. No more than the wind could lie,or a tree. Oh... I have to go write a song. I just came by to tell you that I am with you until the end. Summer: But, Che, what if they kick us out? Che: Then in the words of the great Chief Aupumut I will sing my death song and die like a warrior going home. Summer: Pancakes. Jettey Brad: I thought we were goingto the beach. Kaitlin: In a minute. I just want him to see me in my bikini first. Eric: You mean you want him to molest you. Kaitlin: All right, shut up. I have real feelings for this guy... Oh, my God. Eric: Wow, looks like your mom has some feelings, too for that guy's butt. Brad: Dude, why are you talking about that guy's butt? Eric: Shut up. Brad: You're so gay sometimes. Poolhouse Ryan: Oh, my God. Taylor: Welcome home, Ryan. Ryan: Taylor. Taylor, Taylor. This, um... Are you wearing pajamas? Taylor: Oh, yes. Many people sleep better with a warm body beside them. Don't worry. It's completely non-sexual. Ryan: Yeah. I've got to ask, though. Is this... I mean, you don't, you don't like me, do you? Taylor: Um... Yeah, I like you. We're friends. Ryan: No, I mean, the, um... Taylor: Oh. Oh... My goodness, no. No, no, no, no, no. I just, you know, I want to pay you back and, um... I happen to be really interested in sleep disorders. Ryan: Okay. Taylor: Great. Shall we start with a massage? ** Seth: Oh! Whoa! What the...? Hey, what are you doing here? Taylor: Me? What are you doing here? Seth: Uh, bringing Ryan coffee, and I live here. Did you stay the night? Taylor: No. Well, yeah, kind of. Can I just have one of these? You didn't put any sweetener in, did you? 'Cause I read that aspartame can cause brain tumors quicker than you can say Jack Robinson. Hey. Seth: Taylor. Taylor: I was just helping Ryan with his sleep. Have you seen him? He was gone when I woke up. Ryan: Hey! I went for a jog. It's, uh, this isn't what it looks like. Taylor: Totally. Yeah, you know... Well, kind of. We did sleep in the same bed. Ryan: No, actually, uh, you slept in the bed. I was reading in the chair all night. Seth: This is too weird for this early in the morning. I'm just going to... here. Ryan: Well, that was good. Taylor: So you really didn't sleep at all? Is it because I snored? My mom always wanted me to get an operation for a deviated septum. Ryan: You didn't snore. Taylor: We should talk about what happened so I can adjust the plan for tonight. Ryan: Taylor, look, I appreciate everything you've done. I really do. And I think you're probably right about Volchok. But I also think it's something I need to go through on my own. So let's call it even, okay? Taylor: Okay. Ryan: All right. I'm going to go jump in the pool. At Roberts' Julie: So what, Sandy just served me up like a piece of meat? How rich is he? 5:00 will be fine. Hi, honey. Kaitlin: You going on a date? Julie: Yes, I'm going to Sandy's delinquent benefit with a man called "The bllet." Apparently, he owns Texas. Kaitlin: Oh, well, that sounds like fun. Um, do you think Mr. Cohen would mind if I crashed? Julie: Yeah, I think that'd be okay. I'll have to leave you some cab money. Kaitlin: Well, what if I invited a friend who drives? Julie: That works, too. It's nice to see you interested in charity. Kaitlin: That's me. Brown's college - Dean's office Dean: Ms. Roberts, the reason we called you in today... Summer: I helped free the bunnies. I didn't know that they were only being studied for how they interacted. I know it doesn't excuse it. Dean: Well, the board appreciates your candor. Can you tell us who else was involved? Summer: No, I'm sorry. Dean: I see. There have been other acts of political activism this semester that cross the line of legality: An incident at the Board of Trustees Dinner... Summer: I wasn't involved in that. Dean: Do you know who was? Ms. Roberts, the severity of your punishment will be influenced by how cooperative you are today. Summer: Dean, other deans, I really, really love Brown. I have changed so much here. But I'm afraid if I tell you who did those other things, then I'd be betraying the new me, and I can't do that. Dean: One final question. There is still one rabbit missing. Summer: I don't know anything about that. At Roberts' Kaitlin: Taylor, did you take my lip gloss with the bee pheromones in it? Taylor: It's on the dresser. Kaitlin: Are you okay? Taylor: Yeah, peachy. Kaitlin: Talk. Taylor: Okay, what do you do when you like a boy and he barely knows you're alive and you already pretended to be his sleep therapist and... I'm out of options? Kaitlin: Okay. Well, this may sound a little weird, but try dressing up fabulous and going to a place where you know you'll run into him. Taylor: That's it? Kaitlin: That's it. Taylor: That really works? Kaitlin: Almost every time. And I mean,touching his arm when you guys are talking is always good and dancing and body contact. And laugh at his jokes. I mean, even if they're not that funny. Taylor: Ooh, I-I do that already. Okay, what else? Kaitlin: You could walk in front of him, I mean, if he's a butt guy. Taylor: I don't know if he's a butt guy. Kaitlin: Well, it can't hurt. I mean, girl, you've got a great butt. Taylor: You are such a sweetie. Tell me more. Charity case Sandy: I just want to thank you again on behalf of the entire Public Defender's Office. So please, drink, dance and have a great time. Thank you. ** Sandy: Hello. Kirsten: This is wonderful. Sandy: Thank you. So how's Julie and The bllet doing? Kirsten: See for yourself. Gordon: So there was this big, white-tailed Texas deer coming across there, so I wheel around like Dick Cheney and go... bang! I got him. Bang! Taylor: Hello, Ryan. Ryan: Taylor, hi. You look, um... Taylor: I look nice? Ryan: Nice, yeah, that's the word I was looking for. Taylor: Well, so do you. Would you like to dance? Ryan: Actually, I'm not much of a dancer. It's probably shocking. Taylor: Maybe the exercise will tire you out. Not that this is therapy. No, we're not doing that anymore. It's just, you know, fun. Ryan: Yeah, okay. Taylor: Okay. * Julie: Whew. Okay, just a second. He wants to talk numbers Monday. Kirsten: Who? Julie: The bllet. He's getting drinks. But he's in, Kiki. He loves New Match. Kirsten: That's great. Julie: I know. Kaitlin: Mom. Julie: Kaitlin. Kaitlin: Look at who I brought with me. Julie: What are you doing here? Spencer: You said your mom told you to bring me. Kirsten: Uh, Julie, what's going on? Kaitlin: Is that your date? Julie: You and I will talk later. bllet, this is... Gordon: What the hell are you doing here, boy? Julie: You know each other? Spencer: You're on a date with my dad? Julie: What? Kaitlin: What? Kirsten: Oh, God. * Sandy: You ditching my party already? Seth: I was thinking about calling Summer. I'm not supposed to call her until 10:03, but technically, it is 10:03 on the East Coast, so that's not cheating, is it? Sandy: Sorry, Seth. I'd say, yeah, that'd be cheating. Hey, did I see Taylor leaving the pool house this morning? Seth: Yeah, she's pretending to be Ryan's sleep therapist so he falls in love with her. That's new. Sandy: That'd explain the way they're dancing in there. I hope it works out. Seth: You're supporting this seduction plot? Sandy: Well, you don't have to be a shrink to see that Ryan's still working through things. You know, I think he could use the human connection. Seth: Yeah, but those two... I don't know. Sandy: Well, they're not the most obvious couple, but then neither were you and Summer once upon a time. And Taylor thinks Ryan is funny. * Ryan: We-we did not hate you. Taylor: Oh, you totally hated me. Come on, you were probably the president of the "We Hate Taylor Club." Ryan: I was the secretary. I took the notes. Taylor: Ryan, you made a real joke. Ryan: Yeah, well, a pretty bad one. But I made a real joke. Thank you, but don't tell anyone. You want a drink? Taylor: That'd be nice. * Seth: I saw you dancing with Taylor. Ryan: Yeah, is that look supposed to mean something or...? Seth: Crazier things have happened. Nothing I can recall this instant, but... Ryan: Okay, I don't think so. Ask yourself why. Seth: She's smart, she's funny. Ryan: Dude, just forget about it, okay? I'm not going to date Taylor. Taylor: Um, I was just... Excuse me. * Ryan: Taylor, Taylor, Taylor... Hold on, let me explain. Taylor: Oh, I think you were pretty clear, Ryan. And, yes, I lied when you asked me if I liked you. But... What was I even thinking? I mean, you and me... I must be totally crazy. Ryan: You're not crazy, okay? Taylor: Ryan, I pretended to be a sleep therapist to seduce you. Ryan: That was crazy. Taylor: Don't worry, because I'm sure next week I'll be totally obsessed with some guy who gives me change for parking. Ryan: Look, what I said has absolutely nothing to do with you, okay? It's just... Taylor: What? That for the longest time all you could feel was your desire to kll Volchok,now that's gone,so you feel empty. You can't feel anything, least of all anything for me. Ryan: How do you keep doing that? Taylor: Doing what? Ryan: That-- you keep telling me what I'm thinking before I feel it. Taylor: Because I think about you. You know, I want you to be happy, and I think that if you gave it a chance, you might feel something, too. Ryan: Taylor... Taylor: Are you going to tell me that you really like me as a friend? Ryan: Maybe. How does she do that? ** Julie: Do you have any idea what you just did in there? Kaitlin: Screwed up things with your new boyfriend? Thought you were all, "I'm off men. I'm going to start focusing on the new business." Julie: That was about business, Kaitlin. That man was going to give us money, money that we need. Kaitlin: Then why'd you have to hook up with Spencer? I mean, couldn't you see that I liked him? Julie: He's ten years older than you, and no, I couldn't see that. Kaitlin: Well, I was flirting with him. Julie: You flirt with everybody. Kaitlin: So do you. Julie: You're 15 years old. Kaitlin: And you're my mother. I don't have to see guys sneaking down the stairs while I'm trying to eat breakfast. It makes me want to barf. That... Julie: That is completely fair. Oh, my God, honey. What is wrong with me? I am so sorry. Kaitlin: It's okay. Just try to pick one guy. One that I don't like. Julie: How did you know that Spencer was bllet's son? Kaitlin: I didn't. Julie: It was just coincidence? That's weird. Brown's college Che: Summer, hey. What are you doing? Summer: Waiting for you. Have you been talking to the board this whole time? Che: Summer, have I accomplished anything this semester? Summer: Are you kidding? Che, there would be no political activism at Brown without you. Oh, my God, are you getting kicked out? Che: No, no, but I think you might be. Summer: What? Che: Yeah, they needed a scapegoat. You said yourself, I'm too important to the movement, so... Summer: What did you tell them, Che? Che: Uh, just that you flooded the trustee's dinner, and disabled the maintenance vehicles in October... And, well, there's a whole list of stuff. I was only going to say a couple, but then, you know, I thought, if Summer's going down anyways... may as well have her go down in style. Summer: Well, Che, you did all of those things and I protected you. Che: I know. And the movement will never forget it. Summer: Shut up about the movement, okay? This is not Cuba. We are in college. We have dining cards. I'm going to get kicked out. Che: Caterpillar. Summer: No, okay, don't call me that. Okay, just stay away from me. Charity case Gordon: Well, fine. Fine. You'll have your money tomorrow. Senators. Well, if it's not the little pot stirrer. Have you seen my idiot son? He's probably somewhere banging his head against the wall. Kaitlin: Dude, no one cares that he's your son. You should invest in my mother's business. Gordon: Or what? You going to tell everyone what a meanie old bllet is and I'm going to have to sit alone at lunch? Oh, boo-hoo, boo-hoo. Kaitlin: My mother is awesome. She ran the Newport Group. And when she broke up with her fiancee, she got his house. She'll make you a lot of money. Gordon: Already got a lot of money, squirt. Kaitlin: Just thought it might be some fun. Well, if that's all you're in for, then knowing my mother, will be the best investment you've ever made. *** Kirsten: Tired? Sandy: Exhausted. Hey, how'd it go with the bllet? Kirsten: Well, as it turns out, Julie was dating his 25-year-old son. Sandy: Ooh. That's a weird coincidence. Kirsten: That about sums it up. Gordon: Sandy, mind if I borrow your wife for a second? Come on, blondie, I won't bite. ** Julie: Hey, you ready to go home? Kaitlin: Yeah. Where's Spencer? I figured you guys would have made up and he'd be showing you his half volley. Julie: I told him it's over and that if he ever came near you again, I would crush him. Kirsten: Julie? We're back on. bllet wants to come by the office on Monday. Julie: What? Kirsten: Apparently Kaitlin can be quite persuasive. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Kaitlin: Yeah, I got game. Julie: You want to get some ice cream? Kaitlin: I stopped eating. What the hell. The guy at the ice cream store is so hot. Julie: That's my girl. Seth's bedroom Seth: Well, close enough. Taylor: Seth. Seth: Taylor, what are you doing in here? Taylor: When I had really bad insomnia last year,a Chinese doctor gave me this herbal tea. And I thought it might help Ryan sleep. I would have given it to him before, but I was trying to seduce him. Seth: So... So why can't you just give it to him? Taylor: Because I'm too embarrassed. You were totally right. Here I am, getting a divorce, I'm living like a refugee at Julie's. Ryan's nice to me so I fall for him ? It's just totally pathetic. Just please give that to him. Seth: Wow, I never thought I'd see you quitting. Taylor: Well, it's completely hopeless, Seth. You heard him. Seth: Yeah, I know, just you're rolling over like an old dog. Not the Taylor I remember. Taylor: Are you seriously trying to Jedi mind trick me? Seth: Taylor Townsend, quitter. I guess I'll just have to get used to that. Taylor: Fine. ** Seth: Hello. Summer: Hey. Seth: Hey. Summer, I was just about to call you. Summer: Oh, you were? Seth: Yeah. Summer: I wanted to call you, but I didn't want to seem needy. Seth: Are you kidding? I been wanting to call you all week. Summer: Seth, you still love me, right? Seth: Of course I do. What's going on? Summer: Well... I got a rabbit. Seth: Okay. What's its name? Wait, no, let me guess. Is it Cyclotron? Summer: No. Seth: Are you lying? Is it, uh, Gorgon the Destroyer of Carrots? Summer: No. Seth: Is it Larry? Summer: Larry? You're not Larry. Poolhouse Taylor: Um, I brought you some tea. I'm not trying to be your therapist again. I just thought it might help you sleep. Ryan: Oh, thanks. Taylor: Oh, God, what am I doing. Ryan: Wait, hold on. Look, I've got to say something. I think you've got this idea that you're this strange person that has to trick people into liking you. That's not true. You're, um... You're amazing. Taylor: Oh, my God. You just did it to me. Ryan: Did what? Taylor: You said exactly what I was feeling. Well, except for the amazing part. Ryan: Well, it's true. Honestly, you know, I wish I did feel something. Taylor: Kiss me. Ryan: Uh, what? Taylor: I think there's something there. And I think that if you kiss me you'll feel it, too. Ryan: I think we already did that. Taylor: Nope, uh-uh. You kissed me, I didn't kiss you. Come on. Just... If you don't feel anything, I will never mention it again. That's the best deal you'll ever get. Ask Seth. Just one kiss. One kiss. One kiss. Ryan: Okay. Taylor: Okay. I'm sorry. Seth's bedroom Summer: Thanks for talking to me, Cohen. I really miss you. Seth: Get some sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Summer: I love you. Seth: I love you, too. Poolhouse Seth: Hey, I figured you'd be up. Ryan is finally asleep. End of the episode.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x05 - The Sleeping Beauty"}	foreverdreaming
At Cohen's Sandy: Hey, Ryan? Ryan? I shmeared it for you. Ryan: Thanks. Sandy: Is everything okay? Ryan: Yeah. I'm just gonna go see if Seth's up. Seth: I am up, and I'm out of here. Ryan: What? Where you going? Sandy: I didn't know you were planning a trip. Seth: Neither did Summer, but RISD sent my dorm info, so I figured I'd check out my new home and give her some moral support for finals. Are you gonna eat that? Kirsten: Are you sure that's such a good idea? Ryan: Why, did Ryan do something to it? Kirsten: No, not the bagel,the trip. Sandy: I thought you were gonna give Summer some more space. Seth: Well, a little space turned into a lot of missing me. That's my cab. E-mail me a Christmukkah list. I'm gonna be shopping at the Providence Place Mall. They have carpeting, which is weird. They have a Dave & Buster's, but parking sucks. Ryan: Listen, dude, I really need to talk to you-- it's very important. Seth: Okay, and I want to hear all about it when I land in Providence. Just call me. Call me. Brown's college - Dean's office Dean: So we've had a chance to review your situation, and the board has come to a unanimous decision. Effective immediately, you are suspended from this university until next fall. Summer: Suspended? Dean: Breaking into that lab was very serious. If it wasn't for your excellent record,the board might have involved the police. I'm sorry, um, I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do now. Dean: It's done. You can go to the dorm and start packing. Summer: But I have finals, and friends. Dean: I'm afraid you're no longer a student here. Summer: But my dad is living in Seattle with the step-monster. And Taylor Townsend is sleeping in my old bed. And Seth was moving out here so we could be together. Dean: Ms. Roberts, you need to go home. Summer: This is my home. Generic Brown's college - Summer's bedroom Summer: It's just you and me now. Che: Summer Bear. So, I heard the iron fist of justice came crashing down on you swiftly, without mercy. Summer: Yep. Sounds like your plan worked out perfectly. Che: Oh, come on, that's not fair. Back at the reservation, they taught us, sometimes the weaker gazelle must be devoured for the good of the herd. Summer: Oh, Che, just shut up, okay? Before I tie you up with hemp rope, set you on fre, and get high off the fumes from your burning flesh. Che: Dark. Summer: Mm. Che: I think the fact that you would use hemp proved that I have made a difference in your life. Summer: Yeah, Che, you have. You got me thrown out of school. You know, I really liked this place. I liked who I was becoming at it. I mean, this was my life. Che: And you sacrificed it for the good of the... the-the cause. You're a martyr. You're a hero. Summer: I just wanted to be a student. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find my roommate and tell her that she now has a single. Poolhouse Kirsten: Are you dirty, Ryan? Ryan? Hello? Ryan: Hey. Kirsten: I-I couldn't help but notice that you wanted to talk to Seth. Ryan: Oh, did I? Kirsten: Well, since he's out of town and he's gonna be moving out next semester, you're gonna need a new Seth. Don't tell Sandy, but... I thought I would audition for the job. Ryan: Oh, uh, yeah, well, that's, uh, very thoughtful. Kirsten: So... how does it work? Do I ask you what's on your mind? Ryan: Uh, usually you talk about yourself, and I solve my problems on my own. Kirsten: I couldn't help but notice that you've been spending time with Taylor. Ryan: Rea... Have I? Kirsten: If we're gonna talk about girls, I am a far more knowledgeable resource than my son. Ryan: Okay. But you can't repeat this, all right?Because if the real Seth found out I was telling the substitute Seth a real secret... Kirsten: It's in the vault. Ryan: Okay. I kissed Taylor. Or she kissed me. Anyway, there was a kiss, and, uh... Kirsten: And now you can't stop thinking about her. Ryan: Pretty much. Kirsten: That is so cute. Ryan: Okay, Seth never does that. Kirsten: Sorry. But it is, and so is she. Ryan: Yeah, I know, it's just... me and Taylor? Kirsten: After everything you've been through over the last few months, if something good happens, shouldn't you embrace it? Or at least be open to the possibility? Ryan: You're right. You're right. Thanks. Kirsten: Okay. So do I get the job? Ryan: You're on the short list. At Roberts' Kaitlin: Spencer, what brings you to Casa de Cooper? Spencer: Your racket. Kaitlin: You restrung it for me. That's so sweet. Spencer: Yeah, I went with the Pro-Flex Fiber Tour. It should, uh... it should cut down on the tension. Kaitlin: Good, because I've been having a lot of stress lately. I could use a little bit of... relaxing. Spencer: String tension, Kaitlin. Kaitlin: Well, now that you and my mom are over, maybe you can help me with my stroke. Spencer: Yeah, right. Look, you got a great backhand, but, uh, no offense, I kind of have a "no jail bait" policy. Kaitlin: Lame. Spencer: You know, maybe you should try, uh, try meeting guys from your school. Kaitlin: You mean boys? Spencer: Exactly. Yeah, because you're in high school. You know, that place with desks and chalkboards and kids. Those are people your own age. Kaitlin: I don't know, maybe... Spencer: ...maybe you should try hanging out with them. Shopping center Taylor: Hi, Ryan. Ryan: I got to go, can't talk. Taylor: I'm-I'm not hereto see you. I'm just covering for Seth while he's gone. Ryan: That's nice. Taylor: Sorry that I kissed you. Ryan: What? No, its... it's cool. Taylor: It's obviously not okay. You're totally uncomfortable around me now. Ryan: No, no. Um... It's... the kiss is not a problem. Taylor: Really? Good, because usually when I kiss a guy, it ends in tears. His, not mine, because, like,I'm a bit of a lip biter and, you know, sometimes I draw blood and... Ryan: Taylor? Taylor: Yeah? Ryan: What are you doing tonight? Taylor: Oh, I'm updating my blog. It's kind of Felicity by way of Anais Nin, the erotic memoirs of a soulful college girl. Ryan: Taylor, tonight, are you busy? Taylor: Oh. Blog, shmog. Ryan: Is-is that a yes? Taylor: Yes, it is a yes, squared. In all caps, with a exclamation mark and a smiley-faced emoticon. Ryan: A simple yes will do. Taylor: Yes. Great, all right, well, I'll see you tonight. Hey, do you just want to come up to the comic book store? There's a flat-screen TV, SurroundSound, a bevy of Blu-ray anime. Ryan: All right. See you then. Harbour Kaitlin: Hey, Eric. Eric: Kaitlin, hey. What are you doing here? Kaitlin: It seems like people at this school like to watch hairless wonders in banana slings. I'm just trying to fit in. Eric: Oh, cool. Leah: Well, good to see you. Olivia: Ask her. Leah: No, you ask her. Olivia: I'm not gonna ask her, I don't know who she is... Kaitlin: Do you bitches have a problem? Olivia: We saw you talking to Eric Ward. Leah: Oh, my God, he is so hot. Olivia: Do you know him? Kaitlin: I know that his brother shaves his chest. Leah: Seriously? That is so... Kaitlin: Gayer than his dad, I know. Olivia: You're Kaitlin Cooper, aren't you? Kaitlin: Yes. Olivia: I'm Olivia. This is Lea. Leah: Hi. Kaitlin: Cool. Do you guys think anyone would notice if I sparked a jay by the bleachers? Leah: That is so totally illegal. Riley: Is there a reason why you guys aren't home right now? Leah: Riley, hey! We-we... Olivia: Came to cheer on your boyfriend. Connor's doing awesome. Riley: That's because he is awesome. Now, get going. Those party invites aren't gonna address themselves. Olivia: Okay. Kaitlin: Okay, why do you guys let her talk to you like that? Leah: Well, she's having a pimps and ho's party for her sweet 16, and it's gonna be awesome. Olivia: But if we don't help out, we don't go. Kaitlin: So don't go. Olivia: Yeah. That would be social su1c1de. Everyone who's anyone at this school is going to that party. No offense. Come on, Lea. Kaitlin: 'Kay, well, if you guys change your minds, I'll be by the bleachers. Olivia: Sure. Leah: Gotcha. Shopping center Ryan: Hey, man, how's the East Coast treating you? Seth: Too soon to tell. I had a layover in Salt Lake and then I got delayed in Poughkeepsie. It's hard to get a direct flight last minute. Ryan: Yeah, well, at least you made it. Summer surprised to see you? Seth: I'm headed over there right now. I got an all-night study package. I scored a brick of Dunkin' Donuts coffee and some reasonably priced meth from this homeless guy. Oh, I'm sure she'll appreciate the pick-me-up, very thoughtful. How are things with you ? I know you wanted to talk. Ryan: Things are weird. And about to get a lot weirder. Seth: That wasn't vague or ominous at all. Ryan: I'll explain later. Seth Well, good luck. Ryan: Back at you. New Match Office Kirsten: I know you're unhappy, but you've been out with seven different men. Pam: You mean seven versions of the same man. Republican real estate developer hates his ex-wife, loves golf. Julie: This is Newport. You live in a monkey cage, you have to date chimps. Pam: Well, maybe you could throw a gorilla into the mix. Kirsten: I appreciate the analogy, but, Pam, how do we fix this? Pam: Find me a man who will surprise me. Someone different. Kirsten: Her prayers have been answered. Gordon: I tell you, the women are well-preserved in this town. If my slacks weren't so damn tight... Julie: bllet, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to be a silent partner. Gordon: Oh, I ain't here to work. I came to see my girlfriend. Julie: What? No, I am not... Gordon: Car's waiting outside. Dinner's planned. I'd invite Blondie, but she don't look much like an eater. Kirsten: Oh, that's a shame. I'm going to let you two figure this out. See you in the morning. Julie: Kirs... Okay, I'm not having dinner with you. You repulse me, and I'm busy. Gordon: Well, that's cool; busy doing what? Julie: A client is unhappy with our man base, so I have to go on a major recruiting mission. Gordon: Or you can just put them in the bllet's line of fre. Julie: Okay, while the client is looking for something out of the norm, "lunatic" probably isn't her type. Gordon: Have dinner with me. Julie: No. Gordon: A cocktail? Julie: No! Gordon: Then let's just make out. Julie: I can hurt you. Gordon: Wow. Call me. At the comics bookstore Taylor: Isn't this just great? I mean, did you ever think that decapitation could be so beautiful? Ryan: How many times have you seen this? Taylor: Oh, I watch it every night. It helps relax me. Is everything okay? Ryan: I'm sorry. Taylor: So that's a "no." Ryan: I can't do this. Taylor: Okay, um... I've done my fair share of misreading signs in my life, but you asked me to hang out. You sat next to me, you leaned in with a slight tilt of your head. Ryan: I know, I know, and I'm sorry. Uh, you're a great girl. It's just, this is too weird. Taylor: Well, that makes me feel so much better. Ryan: Me! Not you, me ! I'm... weird. At Cohen's house - Seth's bedroom Summer: Surprise! Cohen? Cohen. Seth: Hey, where are you? Summer: Where are you? Seth: I'm in your room. Summer: I'm in your room. Seth: Summer, I was going to surprise you. Summer: Well, I'm surprised. Seth: Yeah, me, too. Why aren't you in school? Summer: Because I got kicked out. Seth: Summer, what'd you do? Summer: I listened to stupid Che and his stupid plan, and he sold me down the stupid river. Seth: I knew anyone that sincere was not to be trusted. Summer: I miss it already. I don't know what to do. Seth: Yeah, well, I do. Summer: What? Seth: If he hurt you, then I'm going to hurt him. Summer: That's funny, Cohen. See, I knew you could cheer me up. Seth: I'm serious. You can at least act like it's halfway feasible that I could avenge your honor. Summer: What, you're serious? No, no, no. Seth: I'm going to go so Ryan Atwood on his ass. Summer: Come on, Cohen, I don't like this. Seth: Neither will Che. Summer: No, wait, don't... Poolhouse Sandy: So Kirsten told me she came in yesterday and applied for the job of substitute Seth. Ryan: She may have. Sandy: Well, you know, uh, if anyone's qualified, I think we all know it's me, and I'm thinking the only reason you didn't ask me is because no interview was necessary. Ryan: Yeah, well, it turns out I may not have to fill the position I handled the whole Taylor thing although it may be a little awkward for a while. Sandy: Oh. What happened? Ryan: Nothing happened. Which was the problem for her. Sandy: Yeah, yeah. Ryan: But now I don't know. I mean, at first I thought I was just caught up in the whole Volchok thing. And then I thought the problem might've been Taylor. You know, because she canbe a little, uh, weird. Sandy: She's a touch eccentric. Ryan: But now I think the problem is me. Maybe it's too soon. Sandy: So keep it casual. You know, just tell her you... you need to be friends for now. Ryan: Yeah, that's a line every girl loves to hear. Sandy: No, if it's the truth, she'll understand. Ryan: Well, I don't have any other choice. All right, I'll give it a sht. Sandy: Great, okay, listen, if there's anything else I can do for you, I'll be in my room reading comics and listening to indie rock. Ryan: All right. That was a good Seth. At Brown's college Summer: Were you a good Ryan? Seth: I was actually going to borrow one from the Julie Cooper playbook, and wait till Che was asleep, then smother him with a pillow. Summer: Oh, my hero. Seth: But the guy was at some all-night candlelight vigil. Still, he's got to sleep sometime. This place reeks of incense and righteousness. Summer: Oh, that's Che's musk. Look, be careful. Seth: He's not in his room. Neither was your roommate last night. Summer: Yeah, that's because she's a huge slut. Seth: Wait a minute, what's this? Summer: What, I don't know. I'm on the phone, I can't see. Hello, Seth. Che: News of your vendetta has reached my ears. Summer: Is that Che? What's happening? Che: I'm a pacifist. Until cooler heads prevail... I will be underground. Peace. Summer: Peace ? He's going to run? That coward! Seth: I'm going to watch it again for background noise, visual cues, anything that might tip me off to his whereabouts. Summer: No, Cohen, Che has had survival training, okay. He's probably hiding in a cave somewhere with Osama Bin Laden. Look, forget about him. I need you, and I'm here. Seth: All right, but for the record, I did not back down. Summer: And I love you for it. Come home. Seth: Okay. At Roberts' Julie: Summer? What are you doing here? Summer: Oh, I slept out here. Turns out I like nature. And Taylor's in my bed. Julie: No, I mean, what are you doing here in Newport? Summer: Oh. Long story. Julie: Oh. Well, then if you need anything or just want to talk, I'm here for you. Summer: Thanks, Julie. Julie: And you should go reclaim your bedroom. Taylor has boundary issues. Summer: Mm. Julie: Is that a bunny? Harbour Riley: Okay, so if I don't call your name, that means you're not coming. All the hot senior guys already got their invites. Jeanie. Jeanie: Kristen. Sarah. Leah: She's got to invite us, right? Olivia: She'd better. We stayed up all night licking envelopes. Riley: Alexis. Michelle. Shana. And lastly, me, duh. Olivia: Wait, what about us? Riley: Sorry, but I didn't know you'd ruin the envelopes with your heinous saliva stains. The whole school could get gonorrhea of the throat. Olivia: But you promised! Riley: I'm afraid it'd be unsanitary. Kaitlin: You guys can all come to my party. It's tonight, my house. Riley: Well, I rented out Hide, and did you know that Chef Hu yells at people? He's making sushi, and Danity Kane is playing a 25-minute set. Kailtin: Well, sushi's high in mercury, and Danity Kane sucks. I've got five kegs, a quarter ounce and absolutely no parents. Leah: Sweet! Kaitlin: Bring whoever you guys want. And don't worry about any lame costumes. Olivia: Thanks. Leah: Yeah, that was really nice inviting us to your party. It sounds like fun. Kaitlin: Oh, it will be. New Match office Julie: You want to join New Match? I don't understand. Kirsten: The application fee is rather steep, and most of our female clients are over 35. Spencer: Look, you need new recruits, right? So sign us up. Here's a check to cover it. And I believe this is for you. Julie: Uh-huh, and I think I know who it is. Gordon: Bang! Am I good or am I good? Julie: What do you think you're doing? Gordon: Well, money may not buy love or happiness, but it'll buy a whole lot of bachelors. I think you owe me a weekend as a thanks. Julie: No, I can't. I already have plans. Gordon: Cancel them. Julie: I'm going away for the weekend with Kirsten and Sandy. To the Montage, it's their anniversary. Gordon: You're celebrating their anniversary? Julie: They're having a recommitment ceremony and, uh... I am their witness. Gordon: Well, that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. See you there. Kirsten: The bllet? At the bookshop Ryan: Taylor. Taylor: Ryan. Boo! Didn't run away that time, so you must not be that scared of me. Ryan: All right, look, I just wanted to come by and apologize about last night, and... And I didn't know you had company. Taylor: Roger, Ryan. Ryan, Roger. Ryan: Roger. Taylor: Ryan. I've been helping Roger track down this obscure Kinji Fukasaku biography. And it turns out he watches Blood Bath IV every night before he goes to bed, too. Ryan: Well, that's... Taylor: Kismet? I know. Maybe it's too soon to talk about fate, but... Ryan: Yeah, well, anyway, I just wanted, you know, to see if you need a ride home or anything. Roger: Oh, I got my bike, thanks. Ryan: Not you. Taylor: Well, that is very friendly of you, Ryan, since I'm assuming that's what you want us to be, just friends? Ryan: Well, if you're cool with that. Taylor: Ryan Atwood, "mon ami" sounds terrif. But Roger and I were just gonna hang out and, uh, order some takeout, so if you don't mind. Ryan: All right, well, uh, you know, I'll see you, then. Taylor: Bye, friend. Roger: Bye, Ryan. Nice to meet you, man. Ryan: Bye, Roger. Taylor: Let's come look at this. I wanted to show you this. I really think you guys should work at this one. Roger: This's probably why you work here? At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Summer: Yeah, I talked to my dad today. He was pretty disappointed in me. Seth: Well, I'm leaving the Antelope Valley Airport now, so there's just the $100 cab ride home. Summer: Just get here soon, okay? Seth: Okay, I love you. Summer: That was fast. Che: I've come to atone for my sins. At Roberts' Kaitlin: What, or convince her to let me throw a huge party with underage drinking? Yeah, I have to get her out of the house. Are you going somewhere? Julie: yeah, I'm go to the Montage with Sandy and Kirsten, just for the weekend. Kaitlin: Going to a hotel with Sandy and Kirsten? They're not spicing their relationship up, are they? Julie: Please, Sandy and Kirsten? Kaitlin: Yeah, they don't exactly scream threesome. Julie: Just how old are you? So I guess I can assume you'll be fine without me this weekend? Kaitlin: Oh, I think I can survive. Julie: Now, if you need anything, Summer and Taylor are in charge. Kaitlin: Wait, Summer's here? Summer: Fine, Che, you're really going to dehydrate, camp out on the front lawn, I'll get you some water. Hi. Che: So you don't believe that I'm thirsty huh? Now you think I'm a liar. Summer: And a chicken and a snake and a rat Che: Well, those are all God's creatures. And they are all fallible. I made a mistake. Summer: It wasn't a mistake. You deliberately used me. Che: Summer, I cannot go on with my life with this issue unresolved. So let's go out on the lawn and have a truth circle. This will be your opportunity to tell me how you're really feeling. I have. Summer: I hate you. Now leave. This can't be fixed by some candlelight vigil or petition, okay? And I'm not some tree that you can just chain yourself to. Che: We'll see about that. Summer: What? What did you do? This isn't that funny. Give me the key. Che: I cannot unlock us until we are done healing. Summer: Hmm. Okay, then be prepared to stay here for the rest of your life, 'cause that's never going to happen. At the restaurant Sandy: A weekend away at the Montage, honey you've outdone yourself. Kirsten: I don't know about that. Sandy: Oh, no, listen, I'm going to be paying you back later tonight. Guess who packed Scrabble? Kirsten: There's just one small wrinkle in this otherwise romantic holiday that I forgot to share. Sandy: Not to worry. I TiVoed the Australian Open. Tiger's going to take it any. Just one more thing. Tell me at least he's got a separate room. Gordon: Sandy Cohen, you're looking lovely tonight. If my date didn't look so hot, I might scope you out. Sandy: I'm jealous. Now, who is the lucky date? Julie Hi! Sorry I'm late. I owe you both big time. Kirsten: I'll make this up to you tonight. Gordon: I am so damn honored to be here with you and Kirsten for your recommitment ceremony. I am crying already. Come on, let's eat. At Roberts' Taylor: Wait until you see the Takeshi Kitano in my cat(alog) Roger: Battle Royale. Can't top it. Taylor: It's packed in its original packaging, so no gro...ping Summer. Che. Summer: Ta. Taylor. Taylor: Roger, Summer. Che. Che: Roger. Taylor: Summer. Che.What are you doing? Summer: Well, I live here again, so I moved some of your stuff to the guest room Taylor: ahuh. Are you two handcuffed to each other? Che: As a matter of fact, we are. taylor: Summer Roberts, you've learned a few things from that college roommate of yours. When'd Seth arrive? Summer: Ill, no, it's not like that. In fact, don't talk to him He's not here. Che: Ignoring me is not gonna make me away. Summer: How about klling you? Taylor: Okay, to which guest room did you move my things? Summer: I'll show u ! Taylor: what was that? Summer: Get... ** Brad: These things weigh a ton. Kaitlin: That's why you're pushing, not me. Summer: Kaitlin, what is going on? Kaitlin: Just having a few friends over to my house. Summer: It's my house. Taylor: I think you cannot have a party. Your mother left me in charge. Summer: Actually, she left me in charge. Che: If you want, Kaitlin, is it? I'd be more than happy to entertain your guests with some festiv tribal music. The didgerid used in the car. You'll love the didge. We're friends again ? Okay, freak. Kaitlin: Summer, why is this guy handcuffed to your wrist? Summer: No, there's no one handcuffed to my wrist. He doesn't exist. Kaitlin: Also kind of feaky. Okay. You guys hurry up. I got to tap these kegs because we're running out of time. Summer: What? Kaitlin: This way Taylor: Kaitlin! Roger?! Poolhouse Seth: You won't believe your eyes. Ride with me, Ryan. So the good news is, my frequent-flier miles just reached platinum. The bad news is, they don't change the in-flight movie, and Failure to Launch does not hold up on the third viewing. Ryan: What are you doing here? Seth: Summer got kicked out of school and I'm about to head over there. Ryan: Can I come with you? Seth: I appreciate your interest in Summer's future, but I think this is a conversation that's just for the two of us. Ryan: Is Taylor going to be there? Seth: I assume so. Ryan: I like her. Seth: Say what now? Why would you even think that? Ryan: Because I keep imagining her on roller skates and washing windows with a big bucket of soapy water. Seth: Dude, your fantasies are so pedestrian. A sudsy girl? That's... so average. Ryan: Doesn't mean it's not hot. Seth: I guess they call them classics for a reason. Ryan: Do you want to drive or sh-should I? At Roberts' Brad: Again! Taylor: Okay, game night! Who wants to play Pictionary, huh? Come on, guys, get high on life! Hey! Hey! Cut it out! I tan on this chair. Che: Hey, if you are going to consummate your union, be safe. Summer: Out of my way, wasteoid. Che: Hey, stay alive. Don't drink and drive. Summer: Che, shut up! Taylor: Where's Kaitlin? Brad: Again! Kaitlin: You guys, your seven minutes is up. And I'm next. It's Connor. Olivia: Oh, Riley's gonna die. I mean, it's bad enough you didn't go to her party. Connor: She doesn't have to know. Come on, Kaitlin. Olivia: Oh... Oh, my gosh. Connor: Whoo!You're so hot. Why don't I ever see you around school? Kaitlin: 'Cause I don't really like school. Connor: Huh. Kaitlin: So are we going to make out or what? 'Cause the clock is kind of ticking. Connor: Or we could talk more. I mean... Yeah, you seem really interesting. Kaitlin: I'm not. Let's make out. Are you afraid to cheat on Riley? Connor: No. I don't even like her. Kaitlin: So what's the problem? Are you... gay? Connor: What? No! I don't, I don't, I don't think so. Kaitlin: Sweetheart, you're so gay. At the restaurant Gordon: I know the Jews are good with numbers and lending stuff. Sandy: Now, there's a generalization that's not even remotely offensive. Gordon: Well, hold on there, He-bro. It's just, if you all control the media, why does everyone know? Why not use the media to say someone else controls it? It would cause a lot less resentment that way. Kirsten: You know, we should talk about something else. Dinner was delicious. Gordon: Like you ate! Oh, I know what they say "Eat light on Saturday night." Less food in the stomach for the booze. Julie: bllet, Kirsten doesn't drink. Kirsten: Time for bed. I have a headache. Gordon: Uh-oh! I guess she doesn't do that either. Sandy: Thank you, Gordon. Your point of view regarding the Middle East is something I will treasure forever. Gordon: It was Iran-Iraq wr. Whoever loses, we win. Sandy: Honey, let's see if we can cancel our room. Kirsten: Sounds like a plan. Good night, Julie. Julie: Good night. Sandy: Good night. Gordon: What about their wedding vows? Julie: That was a lie, bllet. Told to avoid you, because you are an ignorant buffoon. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to try and salvage my friendship with Sandy and Kirsten. Gordon: You want some more coffee? At Roberts' Ryan: Let's split up. Seth: All right, good luck. Ryan: You, too. Taylor? Taylor? Taylor: Ryan? Ryan: Roger, hey. Uh, keep doing what you're doing. I was looking for Taylor, but clearly she's... Connor: Who's Taylor? Is this your boyfriend? Ryan: Uh, Taylor isn't in there with you guys, is she? Roger: No. Ryan: Okay. What are you doing, man? Um, I mean, I think Taylor really likes you, and you're kindof leading her on. Roger: I barely even know her. She told me if I pretended to like her, she'd give me her Kitano action figure. It's extremely rare. Ryan: Wait, she paid you to pretend to like her? That sounds like Taylor. All right, well, uh... carry on. Che: Well, well, well. Looks like you finally crawled out of your cave. Seth, perhaps with your presence, we could broker some peace. Seth: What are you doing here, Sandals? Ruining Summer's life at Brown wasn't enough? Summer: Cohen, you're here! Seth: Yeah. Now I want to see what this guy's got to say for himself. Summer: Please, Seth. Che: Summer and I are on a journey together. Seth: Huh? Che: A journey towards the truth. You're on a journey... Seth: ...to the pool. Summer: What? What? No! Cohen! * Riley: No one came to my party. Kaitlin: So you dress like a ho for no reason? Riley: I changed before I came here. Kaitlin: Oh. Riley: Look, you win, okay? I'll... I'll serve your command. The school is yours. Kaitlin: Except that I don't want it. Just be nicer to your friends. Riley: Oh. Kaitlin: Connor's totally gay. Hi, 911? Yeah, I'd like to report a totally lame partyer. * Che: I'm a worthless coward, and you're a glorious martyr. Seth: Sorry, I didn't realize about the hand cuffs. Summer: Well, you know, it's all Che's fault. Che: It's my fault. Just know I hate myself more than you could ever hate me. Summer: I'm capable of a lot of hate. Seth: It's true. Che: You're my best friend, Summer. All those other kids, they only joined the cause so it'd look good on their grad school applications. But you, but you really believed in the good we were doing. Summer: We did a lot of good. Che: I let you down, I know. I'm sorry. Summer: I liberated those bunnies because I believed that they should be set free. I knew the consequences if I got caught. Look, I can't spend my whole life blaming you, so I accept your apology. Seth: With an asterisk next to it. And there's a footnote at the bottom. And it says you don't deserve it. Che: Yeah. You're so much more enlightened than I could ever hope to be. I think I need to blow my nose. Summer: No, you... Could you unlock us first? Che: Okay. I guess now we are free to take our own paths. Seth: Yours leads toward the airport. Che: Yeah, okay, yeah. I should be going. You ready, Dalton? Dalton: Your bags are packed, Winchester. Summer: Winchester? Winchester? Che: Why do they think they call me Che? Dalton: Your father's G-4 is waiting on the tarmac. Summer: I thought you grew up on a reservation. Che: It was a reservation-- a beautiful reservation-- Before it became a family compound that's all gated. My dad owns a pharmaceutical company and some factories in Mexico. Summer: Well, I guess every kid finds a way to rebel against their parents. Che: Good-bye, Caterpillar. And defender of Caterpillar's honor. Not much staying, brother. Seth: So he was a liar, a coward and a hypocrite. At least he had depth. Summer: I guess I am really back home again. Seth: Which is great, except now I have to leave. * Ryan: Taylor? Taylor: Ryan. Ryan: What are you doing? Taylor: Someone wrote I love poop on this poor boy's face. You know, that kind of thing can scar you for life. Ryan: No, what are you doing paying your gay friend Roger to pretend he's in love with you? Taylor: Well, what if I did, hmm? What if I did rent a hm for the evening? And pay him with rare collectibles from Asian cinema? What difference does it make to you? Ryan: Well, it's a little strange. Taylor: Well, so am I. Which is why you ran away from me last night. Ryan: No, it wasn't 'cause you're strange. Taylor: You don't find me strange? Ryan: No, I do, but that's not why I took off. Look, I'm not really ready for a relationship right now or a girlfriend. Taylor: Uh... girlfriend? Cart, horse? Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself there? Well, I mean, just because I want to use your body as a jungle gym, doesn't mean that we have to get married. Ryan: I see. Taylor: I mean, my divorce papers aren't even dry yet. Look, you're a sweet, smart, great guy, Ryan Atwood. And hot. Did I mention hot? So whatever happens, happens. Ryan: Taylor, that's... Taylor: Normal? Ryan: Yeah. Taylor: Yeah, I have my moments. You know, this is my first high school bash. Have you ever played Seven Minutes in Heaven? At the restaurant Julie: Thanks to you, Sandy and Kirsten are packed and on the road. Gordon: I'm sorry, Julie. When God was handing out brains, I guess I was sitting on the toilet. I swear you make me all nervous inside. Julie: So you only act like a bigot and a sexist pig around me? Gordon: No, I just feel worse about it when you're around. You're such a classy and elegant dame. Julie: Well, that is true. Gordon: Look, I was trying so hard to make you laugh, and I know what a hard time you've been through, and I... it just came out all wrong. Julie: I appreciate that, Gordon. Gordon: I guess you're heading on home now, too, huh? Julie: Are you kidding? I put the room on the company card. I've got a mud bath in the morning. Gordon: So, since I ruined dinner, how about breakfast? Julie: Breakfast? Okay. Gordon: So, uh, should I call you or nudge you? Bang. That was funny. You have a pretty smile. My job is to get you to use it more. Julie: Then you're going to need better material. Gordon: Well, I am working on it. 'Night, Julie. At Cohen's Sandy: Can't we be left alone? Kirsten: It's probably Julie. She felt terrible. Sandy: Well, I bet she did. She spent the night with the bllet. Man: Hello, I was told you two are renewing your vows? I'm a justice of the peace, here to preside over the ceremony. Kirsten: Oh, I'm sorry, that was an excuse. Sandy: Yeah, we didn't call for anyone. Man: I was hired by a Gordon bllet. At the restaurant Julie: Hello. Spencer: Julie. Hey, it's Spencer. I just wanted to, uh, call and say thanks. I had a great night. Julie: I would assume so, it's pretty late. Spencer: I'll, uh, give you your cut when you get back into town. Julie: My cut? Spencer, you pay to join the service. Your date doesn't pay you. That... that's illegal. You're not a gigolo. Spencer: Right. Open phone line. Got it, my bed. Anyway, you got yourself one satisfied customer. See ya. Julie: Spencer, wait... Spencer? Pam: I wish. But it's probably for the best. I am tin roof rusted. Julie: Pam ! So you had a good night? Pam: Worth every penny. And I'll be telling all my friends. Julie: And what will you be telling them exactly? At Roberts' Taylor: Okay, seven minutes are up. You said you wanted to take it slow. Ryan: Yeah, well, I don't think eight minutes would be rushing. Nine seems like a good pace. And ten is a nice, round number. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Seth: Just let try long-distance thing again. I've got a lotof frequent-flier miles, and we survived one semester apart. Summer: Yeah, barely. Seth: Why don't you move to Providence with me and get a job. Summer: Oh, right. You'll be in school and I'll be slinging baba ganoush on Third Street, while all the kids are living the life that I should be having. Seth: Well, you know, I've really been enjoying home lately. Ryan's back and I've been bonding with the Newpsies. Maybe, uh, I could put off RISD for a semester. We could both go back together in the fall. Summer: You'd really put off college for me? Seth: Rhode Island is a big place. Better we tackle it together. Summer: Cohen, Rhode Island's the smallest state in the country. Seth: I was kidding. Summer: Right. There's just one more thing. This is Pancakes. Pancakes is very important to me. Seth: Then you can hold it. I'm not really an animal person. Summer: Cohen, Pancakes is my daughter, or my son, I'm not really sure. Seth: Oh... Oh, he's your son. Summer: He kind of looks like you, Cohen. Feel how soft he is. Seth: Yeah. He's beautiful. Summer: Take a look around, Pancakes. This is your new home. Seth: What's the life span of one of these things? Summer: Hey ! Seth: I'm just curious.I'm asking. Summer: Infinity. End of the episode.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x06 - The Summer Bummer"}	foreverdreaming
At Cohen's Kirsten: Oh, hey, I thought you were hanging Christmas lights. Ryan: Oh, I took a coffee break, union rules. Kirsten: Well, you better hurry up, it's going to startraining any minute, and you know how Seth loves his rooftop reindeer. Ryan: Yeah, don't worry, it'll be up by dinner. Kirsten: Oh, speaking of dinner, are you going to bring a guest? Ryan: That's pretty subtle, Kirsten. Kirsten: I'm not saying you'd bring Taylor, I'm just letting you know that she's welcome. Ryan: Uh-huh. Well, I don't know. I don't know, it's, uh, it's just... Kirsten: Oh, you think that if you invite her, she's your girlfriend. Boy, so predictable. Ryan: Hey, now, inviting a girl over for Christmas Eve, that's like making some sort of announcement. Kirsten: It's Chrismukkah. We make our own rules. Ryan: Fine. Set a place for her. I'll invite her today. Kirsten: Great. Kirsten: Okay. Oh, my ham guy. At Roberts' Kaitlin: Can't believe we're spending Christmas in the ghetto. Julie: It's not the ghetto. It's Riverside, and it's where our family is from. Kaitlin: I thought we were in denial about that. Julie: Kaitlin, in case you hadn't noticed, we're a little short on family these days. I think we should take all we can get. Taylor: Happy holidays. Julie: Hello. Kaitlin: Is that a gift for me? 'Cause I forgot to get you one. Taylor: No, this is for Ryan. I got him a George Foreman grill because he likes lean meat, obviously. Julie: Lovely. So, Taylor, uh, Summer's having dinner with the Cohens, but you're welcome to come with us to Riverside, unless of course you're doing something with your mother. Taylor: Oh, no, no. She sent me a mass E-mail last week. She's spending Christmas in Cabo. She would've invited me, but she knows that I don't like Mexican food. But it's not a problem because I'm having dinner over at Ryan's. Julie: Oh, I didn't know you were invited over there. Taylor: I'm not... well, yet. But I'm sure he's going to ask me. Well, I mean, I hope he does. Well, he will. So I better go over there and give him his gift. Kaitlin: Last chance to come to Riverside. You want to watch my Aunt Cindy do whippets underneath the mistletoe? Taylor: Uh... no, thanks. But you guys have a good time. Bye. At Cohen's Taylor: I know, where's the mistletoe, right? But don't worry, we can kiss anyway. Ryan: Uh, Taylor, I'm a little busy right now. Taylor: Well, don't you want your present? Ryan: Just leave it right there. I'll open it later. Taylor: You know I just ran into Kirsten in the kitchen, and she was talking to some guy with a huge ham. Are you guys having dinner or something? Ryan: Uh, yeah. Taylor: Poor Ryan. All of his muscles are so developed, except for the ones in his mouth. You want to invite me to Chrismukkah, but you don't know how, so I will save you the trouble. I would love to come. Ryan: Taylor, look, I don't know what's going on between us, but it's only been a few weeks. Taylor: And you think if you invite me to Chrismukkah, then that makes me your girlfriend. Ryan: I don't want to hurt your feelings, but yeah. Taylor: Hurt my feelings? Why would that hurt my feelings? Just because I spent time and money getting you the perfect gift-- which, by the way, happens to be the deluxe version of the George Foreman grill-- and in return you give me a hot, steaming pile of rejection. Well, you know, I think that's just fine. Because I'm used to it, okay? So here, here it is. Grill away. Ryan: Taylor, I don't want this. Taylor: No, I took your gift-- the holiday-themed rejection-- so you should take it. Ryan: No, you take it. Taylor: I bought it for you. You take it. It's yours. I... Ryan: Taylor! At Cohen's - In the kitchen Man: Whoa, it's going to pour. Kirsten: Are you sure this is a Virginia ham? Alternative world Ryan: Taylor? Taylor, are you... are you hurt? Taylor: Only my heart, Ryan. Only my heart. Ryan: Come on up, I'll get you some ice. Taylor: Oh, you're offering me ice? Hmm, I guess I should jump at that. Here. The receipt's inside. I hope you grill your face. * Ryan: Oh, so, I was just in the pool house... Kirsten: What are you doing in there? I told the supervisor that this is off-limits to the staff. Ryan: What? Kirsten: Where is your supervisor? Ryan: Uh, Kirsten, what are you talking about? Kirsten: Excuse me, do I know you? Generic At Cohen's Kirsten: I said do I know you? Ryan: Uh, look, I don't know what's going on, but... I was up on the roof with Taylor... Kirsten: Is this one of your guys? Man: Nope, never seen him before. Kirsten: Oh, great.So now I just have strangers wandering around my house. Ryan: No, no, no. Where's Seth? Kirsten: Oh, you're a friend of my son's. He's at the comic book store. If you run into him, will you tell him that I need him home by 5:00? Uh... I have a meeting. Now shoo. I don't want you wandering around my house. Man: Hey, kid,I got the feeling the dragon lady wanted you out of here. * Julie: You see, this is why I feel so strongly about this issue. Take Daryl here. Last week he was homeless. But because of the money we've raised, he has a future to look forward toin the new year. Journalist: Well, you're quite the philanthropist. Julie: Yes. And I help people. Ryan: Julie. Julie: I love it when they call me by my first name. Ryan: What are you doing? What is all this? Julie: Take this, it's a voucher for the mission. Tell them I sent you. Ryan: You don't know me? Julie: I know your pain. See, people think that Newport Beach is a cold city, a place of privilege. But even this poor street urchin has found hope here. Now you just run along now, honey. Man: You heard the lady. * Seth: You guys, come on. Brad: You guys, come on. You guys, come on. Seth: Would you... would you give me back... Eric: Would you give me back my wallet? Seth: Would you... would you give me back my wallet? Seriously. Eric: Seriously. Brad: Seriously. Ryan: Hey, hey, give me that. Brad: Why, is this your boyfriend? You guys should get a room. Eric: Yeah. So you can make love in it. Seth: I make love to ladies. Hey, man, thanks. Do I know you from Brown? Ryan: You go to Brown? Seth: Yeah. Who are you? Ryan: You don't know me either? I can't believe this. Brad: Hey, dork,your girlfriend's across the way. Seth: Which one? Brad: You should check her out. Eric: She looks good. How does Sandy Cohen have such a loser for a kid? Ryan: Wait, Sandy Cohen? You know where he is? Brad: I think I heard he's at a press conference over at the yacht club. Ryan: Press conference? Eric: Press conference? Seth: Oh, just... just look at her. Oh, I shouldn't be watching. Ryan: Why, bad luck to see the bride? Seth: Yeah, totally. Oh, God. Ryan: You okay? Oh! * Joe: So what are your plans for the holidays? Sandy: This holiday, I think my wife and I are just going to take it easy. Joe: Your wife? I thought she never rested. Sandy: True, she's a very busy lady. All right, Joe, thanks very much. Joe: Thanks for your time, Mr. Mayor. Sandy: And thanks for all your support. As I always say, I am mayor of the greatest city on earth. Vote Sandy Cohen! Ryan: You're the mayor? Sandy: Why, you want to call for a recount? Happy holidays. Ryan: Uh, Sandy, Sandy. Something terrible is happening. And if anyone can make it make sense, it's you. Man: This guy bothering you, Mr. Mayor? Sandy: Uh, no. It's fine. All right, kid, slow down, tell me what the problem is. Ryan: Okay. So, uh, I fell off the roof this morning, and ever since then nobody recognizes me. Even Kirsten threw me out of the house. Sandy: You saw Kirsten? Ryan: And Seth doesn't know who I am either. And he's marrying Summer? Sandy: I see that you're having some trouble and I sympathize with that. But stalking me and my family is not the answer. Man: Come on, and don't make a fuss. Sandy: Oh, the poor kid. * Eric: What's the matter? Can't find your boyfriend? At the hospital Sandy: Kirsten. What happened? Kirsten: Taylor and Ryan, they were hanging decorations, and I guess the ladder fell. Sandy: What did the doctors say? Kirsten: Well, they said apparently there's no serious injury, we just have to wait for them to wake up. Alternative world Taylor: Ryan? Is that you? Ryan: Taylor. You know me? Taylor: Oh, my God. I found you. * Ryan: We're in a parallel universe. Taylor: Exactly. Okay. And I'm so grateful that if I have to be in a parallel universe, that you're here with me. Oh, that's... Of course you probably wish you were with someone you actually wanted to date. That would be nice, wouldn't it? Ryan: Oh, even in a parallel universe, she never stops. But I mean, we could also be asleep, right? Or dad? Taylor: Ow. You're awake. As for being dad, I'm guessing if we were, there would be some kind of white light situation, maybe a guy with a beard. Process of elimination, parallel universe. Ryan: How do you know all this? Taylor: Oh, tenth grade I had a little sci-fi phase. Alt-universes are huge. Clearly, you and I have entered a world where we don't exist. But don't despair. I know the way back to the real world. Ryan: Yeah? Does it involve me dating you? Taylor: Well, well, look who's funny in alt-world. Ryan: I know. Taylor: No, Ryan, we have been sent here to fix something. It's the only explanation. Someone or some ones we know are in trouble. Holly: Summer?! Hi! Summer: Hi! Holly: Kiss-kiss. Ryan: Oh, my God. Holly: Let me see the hardware. Summer: What, you mean this old thing? Holly: Oh, my God! Summer: Four carats. Holly: Oh, my God, it's so pretty. Summer: Can I get a...? Taylor: Alt-Summer is a mindless bimbo. Summer: Get it started, Newport! Whoo! I'm so excited. Holly: So where's the groom? Summer: Oh, you know him, he's parking. He won't let any of the valets touch his Hummer. Holly: Right. Summer: Because that's my job, bitch. Holly: Right! Che: Hey, Holly, looking ripped. Holly: Hey, Chester. Che: What's up, Mrs. Me? Summer: Mm-hmm, that's me. Taylor: Okay, wait a second. I thought you said she was marrying Seth. That's Che, or Chester, I guess, in alt-reality. Ryan: What's he doing here? I thought he goes to Brown. Taylor: Okay, what if three years ago his family had planned to move here but you did instead, taking the last spot at Harbor? So without quality education for their child, his family moves to Connecticut. But in a world where you don't exist, the Harbor spot was open, so his family moves here, thereby allowing Che to fulfill his alt-destiny as a Newport bobble head. Well, obviously this is what we've been sent here to fix. Holly: So, Summer, I saw the most rocked out chairs at Bergdorf. You have to come with me. Summer: Ooh... baby. Do you mind? Che: Um, no, I'll just go get pumped. Summer: But that's my job, bitch. Oh, yeah, give it up. Whoo! Ooh... Hey, bitch! Taylor: Okay, we need to get started right away. You go to Seth, find out where it all went wrong I will follow Summer and do some recon. Ryan: Uh, where do we meet? Taylor: It's alt-universe. We'll just find each other. At the hospital Doctor: Their MRIs came back normal, no brain damage, no cause for alarm. They'll wake up soon, I'm sure. Sandy: Is there anything we can do to help? Doctor: Talk to them. Make sure they're surrounded by familiar voices, music, even smells. Anything that you think might stimulate them. Kirsten: Okay, thank you. Sandy: Thank you. Summer: Well, somebody should find Taylor's mom. I guess I'll do that. Seth: Ew, signing up for the su1c1de mission. Kirsten: Oh, my ham. I have to go home and turn off the oven. Sandy: Seth and I will take care of the ham. In fact, she just said we should surround them with familiar sounds and smells. So I say we bring Chrismukkah to the hospital. Kirsten: That's a great idea. And I'll look after Taylor and Ryan. And you be careful with my ham. Sandy: I'll be very careful. Alternative world Che: We're still getting it checked if it's real. Uh, baby, this is business. I've got to take this. Summer: Okay. Che: Hey, baby. Yeah. I'll be there in 15 minutes. I'll walk it. You wearing that thong I bought you? Whoo-hoo. Not for long. All right, love you, too. Bye. Summer: Bye, baby. * Ryan: Hello? Hello? Kirsten: Oh, it's you again. Looking for Seth? Ryan: Uh, yeah, they told me at the comic book store he came home. Kirsten: Well, I haven't seen him yet. You might want to try him upstairs. Honey? Could you bring me my glass? Jommy: Here you go, sweetheart. Kirsten: Oh, thank you. Ryan: Jimmy? Kirsten: You know my husband? Jimmy: I don't believe we've actually met. Kirsten: Oh, this is a friend of Seth's. Jimmy: Oh. Kirsten: I know, it must be a Christmas miracle. Jimmy: Well, you should come to the party tonight. All of Newport's going to be there. Kirsten: Well, they better be, if they want to keep doing business with the Newport Group. Seth! Jimmy: He's not home. He's probably out stalking Summer Roberts. Ryan: I'm going to go. Jimmy: Well, you should stop by, it starts around 7:00. Interesting. * Sandy: Oh, and "philanthropist" means you help people. Julie: Oh, well, you learn something every day. Listen, are you coming home before the party? You know how you sweat through your shirts. Sandy: Can't we make some excuse? Julie: Listen, honey, as long as you're mayor and she is head of the Newport Group, you're gonna have to deal with each other. Honestly, I don't know how you were ever married to that ice queen. Sandy: Well, we were different people back then. I'll be home in a couple hours. Julie: Bye. * Taylor: Joinx! Double-O joinx. Che: Oh! Oh, give it to me! Oh! Daddy like! Daddy like! I'm a bad kitten! Taylor: Mima? Hi. No? Yes, you don't know me. Uh, I was just... Mima: You come visit Missy Cooper? Taylor: Yes, yes, that's exactly what... Mima: She come home 3:00. Plane from Berkeley. Taylor: Triple-O joinx. * Taylor: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, move over. Ryan: Taylor, why don't you just sit over...? Taylor: Ryan, don't worry. It doesn't mean we're boyfriend and girlfriend. I have huge news. Ryan: Yeah, well, me, too. Sandy and Kirsten are divorced and she and Jimmy are married. Taylor: Ew, yikes, that is huge. I can bat it, though. Sandy Cohen is married to Julie. Ryan: What? Taylor: And she's having an affair with Che. Ran: Whoa. Okay, all right, so this means we need to get Sandy and Kirsten back together and Seth... Taylor: Ryan, there's something else. Ryan: Yeah, what else? Taylor: Um... In this world, Marissa's alive. I was in her room and Mima said her plane lands at 3:00 from Berkeley. Now it seems like everyone is going to this party at Kirsten's, so I think that we can use this opportunity to reunite the Coopers and the Cohens with their rightful partners. Ryan: Uh, Taylor, can you let me out? Taylor: Why? Do you have to go to the bathroom? I haven't had to go. It seems like it's not an issue in an alt-world. Ryan: Taylor, seriously, let me out. Taylor: Are you going to the airport? Ryan, she won't even know you. Ryan: It doesn't matter. Taylor: Even if Marissa is fine in this world, which, thank God she is, we need to focus on fixing what is broken. Because that's what's going to get us back to the real world. Ryan: But if she's alive... Taylor: Then you don't want to go back? Okay. I get it. You... you got to go. Ryan: Sorry. At Roberts' Julie: I can't believe we have to drive to Riverside in this. Oh, no, honey, I told you. My family only drinks wine coolers. Kaitlin: We're having a very Britney Christmas, Mother. Julie: Yes, watch out. I might put you on my lap while we drive out there. Summer: Oh, thank God you're still here. Ryan and Taylor are in a coma but we're not supposed to worry. Julie: What are you talking about? Summer: They fell off a ladder. But the doctor says they're fine. We just have to wait for them to wake up. Kaitlin: So it's a coma light? Summer: Exactly. I have to find Veronica Townsend. Do you know where she is? Julie: Taylor said she's flying to Cabo tonight. But she may have already left. Kaitlin: I really don't think that Veronica is going to care if Taylor's in a bogus coma. Julie: Well, it doesn't matter. Her daughter's in the hospital. She needs to know. Come on, I'll drive. Summer: You don't have to. Julie: Taylor is my responsibility. She's living in my house. Come on. Kaitlin: So no Riverside? Sweet. I mean, I hate comas. Let's go find Veronica. At the hospital Nurse: Oh, Mrs. Cohen. The EMT just came by. He found this in his ambulance. Thought it might've fallen out of your son's pocket. Kirsten: Oh, thank you. I've been talking to them and reading to them out loud. I know the doctor says not to worry... Nurse: I know, it's hard. But in these situations, a lot depends on the patients healing themselves, mentlly and physically. When they finish whatever they need to finish, they'll wake up. Kirsten: Thanks. Alternative world Ryan: Marissa? Kaitlin: Who are you? Ryan: Uh, I'm sorry. I thought, uh... Kaitlin: What, you knew my sister? Ryan: I thought she was cominghome from Berkeley. Kaitlin: No, that's me. The youngest in my freshman class. Sort of a prodigy. Ryan: Uh, what... what did you mean "knew"? Kaitlin: She died three years ago. Ryan: What? Kaitlin: She OD'd in an alleyway in Tijuana. Well, that's really the way I want to start my Christmas vacation. Wait, who are you again? Ryan: No one. Kaitlin: Oh, okay. Well, Merry Christmas. *** Taylor: I'm sorry. Ryan, you gave her three more years. She got to fall in love. She got to graduate. Ryan: And then she still died. Taylor: Which just means that you weren't meant to save her. So if there's any part of you that's still blaming yourself for what happened, you have to let it go. You've done so much for everybody. Ryan! Yeah, like what? Taylor: Ryan, haven't you been paying attention? You saved the Cohens. Without you, Seth is the next bmb, Sandy is married to Slutty McSlutterman, and Kirsten probably hasn't had an orgasm in, like, a year. Ryan: Uh, all right, all right. Taylor: And if you think that I'm just gonna let you give up, you're crazy. Ryan: Taylor, I said all right. Taylor: Oh. Oh, good. Okay. Ryan: Has anyone ever said "no" to you? Taylor: Once. And I pushed him off the roof. Kidding. Let's save the Cohens and go home. Ryan: All right. Taylor: Okay. At Cohen's Sandy: An alternate universe? Seth: It's the only obvious explanation. Sandy: "Obvious" might not be the word I would use. Seth: They both got knocked out at the same time and neither is waking up. Sandy: Like Dorothy in Oz. Seth: And just like Dorothy had to go see the wizard, they've got some mission to accomplish before they can return. Sandy: Like what? Seth: Uh, anything. Could be like our world, only messed up. They've got to reset the balance. Or could be a world ruled by giant vegetables, and they've got to topple the vegetable despot before they can come back. Sandy: You had me till vegetable despot. Seth: It makes perfect sense. At the hospital Sandy: Hello. Kirsten: Sandy, I think I know why Ryan hasn't woken up. Alternative world Taylor: Hi. Okay, now before we can reunite everyone with their rightful partners, we need to prep them first. So I will take Kirsten duty and you can... Seth: I already told you, I'm not going to your stupid party. Kirsten: Because Summer Roberts is going to be here? Since when are you avoiding her? Seth: Since she got engaged to that burly ding-dong. You have fun. Ryan: I'm on it. ** Veronica: Taylor, what are you doing? I told you not to wear that suit. Your ass looks like the back of a truck. Taylor: Oh, my God. In alt-world, I'm a boy. Maybe I should try Pilates. They say it elongates you. Outside. Veronica: Go stand against the wall. Go, come on. Taylor: And my mom is still a bitch. At the airport Julie: Veronica. Veronica. Thank God, we caught you. Veronica: Oh, Julie, please don't tell me you're going to Cabo, too. Julie: Veronica, you can't go to Mexico. Taylor is in the hospital. Veronica: Anorexia? Julie: No, she fell off a ladder. Veronica: Oh. Julie: The doctor says she'll be fine, but she's not waking up. Maybe if she heard your voice. Summer has a car outside... Veronica: I'll call from Cabo. Julie: Veronica, listen. I know you're not the warm and fuzzy type. But it is Christmas Eve and it would mean so much if you could be there. And if you get on that plane right now, I'll tell security you have a bmb. Kaitlin: Wow, very Jack Bauer of you. Alternative world Ryan: All right. All right, come on,put this on. Seth: No, hate my life! I hate my life...! I hate my life! Ryan: Yeah, no wonder Summer doesn't like you. Seth: See?! Even you think so. And no offense, but it's kind of weird, you having such a vested interest in my love life, considering I just met you this morning. Ryan: All right. You want the truth? Seth: I know the truth. Ryan: You know the truth? Seth: Yeah. Ryan: I'm from an alternate universe where your dad adopted me and you and Summer are in love. And unless I fix things here, which means getting your parents and you and Summer together, I can't go home. Seth: I always knew this would happen. Ryan: Doesn't surprise me. Put this on. Okay. Now, I'm going to tell you exactly what you need to know to woo Summer. Have you ever heard of a show called The Valley? Taylor: Hey. It's a great party, huh? Kirsten: Yes. Taylor: I'm so glad that the mayor let me off so that I could come. Kirsten: You work for the mayor? Taylor: Mm-hmm. Kirsten: How... well, what's that like? Taylor: Honestly, it's amazing that anything ever gets done. What with the mayor moping and crying all day about how he's still in love with his ex-wife. But I probably shouldn't be airing his dirty laundry. I mean, she must be around here somewhere, right? Well, I better mingle. * Taylor: Good, you got a jacket from Seth. Ryan: Yeah. Taylor! Did it go okay? Ryan: Great. He's going over stalking points right now. Taylor: Well, I am doing some serious Jedi mind tricks on Kirsten. Ryan: There's couple number two. Che: Ho-ho-ho, Merry Christmas. Summer: That's my man. Taylor: Okay, so what we need to do is get Kirsten and Sandy and Seth and Summer alone together for ten minutes. Which means removing the obstacles. You take Julie, I've got Chester. Hey, wouldn't this actually be fun, you know, if you were actually doing it with somebody who you wanted to date? Ryan: Go. Taylor: Okay, I'll stop. * Taylor: Hi. Che: Good grub. Taylor: Yeah. So, listen, a red-haired lady wanted me to give you a message. She's in the master bathroom and she needs help with something. Che: A little thong removification. Taylor: Charming. Well, uh, she's waiting. Che: Hey, I have a good idea. Why don't you come with? Summer: Wow, really tempting. Um, I'm going to pass. Che: Ok ! * Sandy: Good to see you again. Thanks for coming. Ryan: Hi. Julie: Hello. Ryan: Hi. Julie: Do I know you? Ryan: There's some guy who wants to meet you in the master bathroom. Something about getting a thong on? Julie: Oh. That's charity talk. "Thong" is an acronym for The Homeless of Newport... Go... or something. Excuse me. * Sandy: Just do me a favor, and don't get caught. Taylor: Mr. Mayor. Sandy: Yes? Taylor: Hi, I was wondering, do you have time for a quick question? Sandy: I'm hoping it's about the new hospital. Because Dr. Henry Griffin and I have some big plans. Taylor: Actually, it's about relationships. You see, you and I are kind of in the same position, because I just broke up with this guy, and he refuses to move on. Sandy: I'm not sure how this applies to me. Taylor: Mr. Mayor, come on. I mean, your ex-wife will tell anyone who listens about how much she's still in love with you. I work at the Newport Group. And it is amazing that anything ever gets done. Sandy: Young lady, I don't know you. But I do know that this is not an appropriate conversation. So please excuse me. Taylor: Uh, mail truck. Taylor: What? Uh, yeah, um... from the old days at Berkeley, when you guys first fell in love. She won't shut up about it. Mail truck, mail truck, mail truck. It's just crazy, huh?Bye. * Summer: So, wait, you're saying that you ride horses in the valley? Seth: No, no, I like plastic horses and the show The Valley. Summer: Hey, I like that show, too, and plastic horses. What's yours' name? Seth: Uh, Princess Sparkle. Wait, no, no, I mean Captain Oats. I just said "Princess Sparkle, 'cause I think that's a really cool name. Summer: No way! You are not going to believe this. * Ryan: How's it going? Taylor: Well, I read lips, and in the past two minutes, the words "mail truck" have come up nine times. Ryan: We might actually pull this off. Veronica: Lots of teenage boys get lipo. It's no big deal. And stop picking at your man girdle. Taylor: But, Mom? Veronica: What? You have something to say? Taylor: No. * Taylor: You know what? I think it's time I talk to her as an adult. Okay, you can do this. Veronica: Do what? Eat? Well, that's apparent. Taylor: Shut up. Why do you have to be so mean? Neither he nor I are remotely fat. We are smart and attractive, and interesting and people like us. And we are not going to let you make us feel bad about ourselves anymore. Veronica: No? Well, I imagine the mirror does that for you. Taylor: You bitch! Oh, my God. * Ryan: You all right? Taylor: I just can't believe I just said that. I mean, I've been waiting for so long. I can't believe I finally did it. Ryan: I'm proud of you. Taylor: Thanks, Ryan, I... Whoa. Ryan: What is it? What's wrong? Taylor: I don't know, I ju... Do you hear something? Almost like rain? Ryan: Stay here, I'll get you a glass of water. Taylor: Okay. * Jimmy: In my own house? In my own bathroom? I have to brush my teeth in there. Che: So do I, but I don't use a toothbrush. Jimmy: Oh, Julie, you haven't changed a bit. Julie: Maybe you should learn to knock. * Sandy: What's going on in here? Jimmy: Well, Mr. Mayor, let me just tell you what I found your wife doing. Julie: Jimmy, don't. Jimmy: Well, suffice to say, her thong was in his mouth. Summer: Shut up! Che: Baby, it was stuck. I was only trying to help her out. Summer: Oh, but that's what you said with Holly. How come all these women around you keep getting their thongs stuck? I'm starting to get suspicious. Che: Geek, move it or lose it. Seth: Then I will lose it, whatever it... is. Che: All right, well, it's your funeral. Seth: All right. Thong emergency. Summer: That was, like, so brave. Sandy: Oh, Julie, how could you do this? Julie: Please, Sandy, we both know our marriage is a sham. You only married me so I could mastermind your political career. What are you doing with Miss Queen of the North over here? Kirsten: Don't you know? He spends all day crying about me at the office. Sandy: What are you talking about? Kirsten: Everybody knows, Sandy. Sandy: In the same way that everybody knows how you go on and on about the mail truck? Kirsten: I never told anybody about the mail truck. Sandy: Well, not according to her. Kirsten: Well, she's the girl that told me you spend all day crying. Ryan: Uh-oh. Sorry. Apparently, people don't stock clean glasses in the alt-world. What's up? Julie: Oh, it's the street urchin. I knew not to trust him. Sandy: I think you two better start talking. Ryan: Absolutely. Taylor? Taylor: Oh, don't worry. I know exactly what to say. Okay, people I can explain everything. Sorry. Ryan: What? Taylor: Just feel a little dizzy. I... Oh, no. Ryan, I think I have to go. Ryan: What? What do you mean? It must be because I stood up to my mom. That's what I was here to do. Ryan? Ryan: Yeah? Taylor: You have to get everyone together. Ryan: No. Taylor: It's the only way back. Ryan: Taylor, no, I can't. Taylor... Just hold on. Taylor? At the hospital Kirsten: Taylor, honey? Taylor: You need to be with Sandy Cohen. Kirsten: I'm going to get the doctor. Taylor: Come back, Ryan. Alternative world Sandy: So? Are you going to explain yourself? Ryan: The truth is, things the way they are now are completely wrong. Summer: Who's this random guy we're all listening to? And why am I not drunk yet? Ryan: Okay, look, none of you know me. But, uh, the truth is that each of you saved my life just by being who you are. And right now none of you are who you are. Like Summer, for example. What are you doing? Summer: What? Ryan: I mean, Che, Chester, he's, he's completely wrong for you. You should be with Seth. Kirsten, all right, you don't want to run the Newport Group. That place makes you miserable. And you may like your Chardonnay, but I got news for you, it doesn't like you back, and Sandy, you don't want to be mayor. You're all about saving the little guy, not holing up in some mansion, giving orders. What you two are best at is being married to each other. Julie: There he is. Get him out of here. Man: Um, okay, before I go, Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Summer, promise me you'll be together. At the hospital Kirsten: Hey, Veronica, good news. Taylor's awake, and the doctor said she's going to be fine. Veronica: I stay home from Cabo and she's fine? Taylor: Hi, Mom. Veronica: And you're walking even? Geez. Julie: Veronica, your daughter is okay. You should be happy. Taylor: Oh, Julie, it's okay, I got it. Mom, why don't you go to the airport? I bet you could catch the last flight to Cabo. Veronica: Well, I guess I could still make it, but I'll probably have to fly coach. Taylor: Merry Christmas, Mom. Veronica: Yeah. Kirsten: You okay? Taylor: Yeah. I don't know why, but I feel just fine. Kirsten: Julie? You should see this. I haven't read it. Julie: Oh, my God. Alternative world Man: You, uh, you seen my hat? Ryan: You threw up in it. Man: Right. Cop: Atwood, there's someone here to bail you out. Ryan: Thanks. Sandy: I don't know who you are, but a lot of what you said back at the house made sense. So why do you care so much about getting a bunch of strangers back together? Ryan: Well, I guess I thought it would get me back home, too. But I was wrong. Can I ask what happened? How'd your family fall apart? Sandy: I think it all goes back to when Marissa Cooper died three years ago. She was Jimmy and Julie Cooper's daughter. Ryan: I knew Marissa. Sandy: Well, after she died, it was like everybody got stuck. Ryan: Didn't know how to say good-bye? Sandy: Maybe you're right. What are you doing for dinner? How about you come over to the house? Ryan: There's someplace I gotta go. Thanks. Sandy: You're welcome. At the hospital Kirsten: Oh, I was just calling you. Julie, Summer and Kaitlin are with Taylor. She's awake. Seth: What'd you find out? Julie: This. It's from Marissa. She sent it to Ryan the day she was leaving. I guess it got lost in the mail. Sandy: Oh, that's odd. Seth: Well, it's Chrismukkah; stranger things have happened. Sandy: What's it say? Julie: Well, that she had to leave Newport. That it was the only way they could get on with their lives. She loved him, but she had to say good-bye. Kaitlin: Is that food? Oh, thank God. Between you and me, Taylor in a coma is kind of a nice break. Sandy: How you doing, Julie? Julie: I'm okay. Thanks. * Taylor: Ryan, are you awake? Ryan: Hi. Taylor: Hi. Ryan: I just had the weirdest dream. You were in it, I think. Taylor: That's so funny. I think you were in my dream, too. I can't remember what it was, though. Ryan: Huh. Me, either. I'm really glad you're here. Summer: Look, the rain stopped. Seth: Look who's back in the land of the living. Kirsten: Oh, Ryan, we were so worried about you. Everything is going to be okay. Ryan: Yeah, I know. End of the episode.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x07 - The Chrismukk-huh?"}	foreverdreaming
On the road Ryan: Hey, I asked you a question. Seth: Yeah, no, it's just some of these bugs are really sort of stubborn. I was using that. Ryan: Now you're not. Gonna tell me what's going on? Seth: What if I told you it's New Year's Eve and we're on our way to Vegas? Ryan: I might ht you with this. Why are the girls acting so strange? Seth: I don't... I mean... you know, I don't know. In the bathroom Summer: How long is it supposed to take? Taylor: Five minutes. How long has it been? Okay-- four minutes and 47 seconds. On the road Ryan: You're lying. It's written all over you face. Seth: Well, then I shouldn't bluff when we get to Las Vegas. Ryan: Look... what... man, they're in the bathroom. Seth: Why don't you just ask them. In the bathroom Taylor: 13 seconds left. On the road Ryan: Do I need to remind you why you're even here right now? In the bathroom Summer: 11 more seconds. On the road Seth: Because you haven't klled me yet? In the bathroom Taylor: What if there wasn't enough pee? On the road Ryan: No, because you didn't have any New Year's Even plans so you hijacked mine. In the bathroom Summer: How many bars am I looking for? Taylor: Two, two bars. Six more seconds. On the road Seth: I told you I'd pay you back. In the bathroom Summer: Oh, my God, I can't look. On the road Ryan: And now I'm collecting. So tell me what's happening. In the bathroom Taylor: Oh, my God, three more seconds, two more seconds, one more second... SEVEN HOURS EARLIER At the comics bookshop Ryan: Here you go. Seth: Last coffee of '06. How much you hoping I don't make that joke all day? Ryan: Not like I'll be around to hear it. Seth: So walk me through your itinerary again. Ryan: I've got breakfast with Taylor. Back home to pack, quick lunch, off to Vegas. Seth: She still doesn't know you're taking her? Ryan: Well, that's why it's a surprise. Jettey Taylor: He's told me nothing. And I just thought. you know,since he went to all of this trouble it would be nice for me to surprise him, too, and... Summer, are you even listening to me? Summer: What? No... yeah... every word. Taylor: 'Cause you seem kind of out of it. Summer: I'm sorry, I'm just still waking up. At the comics bookshop Seth: You guys seem pretty serious, though? It's that old adage- couples who have comas together, stay together. Ryan: She won't think Vegas is cheesy, will she? Jettey Taylor: Do you think it's cheesy to get him lingerie? Obviously, I'm going to be wearing it, but it's really for him. Summer: Look, Taylor... You're right. Taylor: It's way too soon for lingerie. Is he going to think I'm some kind of kinky, sex-starved, divorcee? Summer: You're being paranoid. At the comics bokshop Seth: Still, be careful, 'cause people, they go to Vegas and they come back married. Ryan: What about you and Summer-- any plans? Jettey Summer: Well, if it's a typical night for us, I'm probably in for some Korean cinema, manga and making new friends on MySpace. Taylor: In other words... At the comics bookshop Seth: No "plans"-- that's a dirty word. That's right up there with "responsibility" and "future." There'll be plenty of time for that when we're in college. Ryan: And she's on board with that? Seth: Totally. Jettey Summer: I hope I don't have to kll him. When are you meeting Ryan? At the comics bookshop Ryan: Ooh, now. All right, I will see you tomorrow. Seth: Happy New Year. Jettey Taylor: Happy New Year, Summer. Summer: Same to you. Good luck tonight. I'm sure everything will just be great. Taylor: Oh, speak of the devil. Ryan: Summer. Summer: Atwood. Ryan: Taylor. Taylor: Hi. Ryan: You looking forward to your surprise tonight? Taylor: I am. Are you looking forward to yours? Ryan: I am. Summer: Ew. That's my cue. Taylor: Okay, here it is. Ryan: What is it? Taylor: Open it. At the comics bookshop Seth: Hey. Summer: Hi. I wanted to talk to you about what we're doing tonight. Seth: Why talk when actions speak so much louder than words. Summer: What is it? Seth: I don't know. Just open it. Summer: Okay. Jettey Ryan: Oh, my... Taylor: Surprise. At the comics bookshop Summer: "Jamaican me crazy." Seth: It's funny because it's not. Jettey Taylor: Do you think I'm a whore? Ryan: What? No, no. It's just... I already have this. Taylor: You nut. For a second there, I was like, oh, major miscalculation. Ryan: No, no, no. It's going to be a great night. All right, come here. At the comics bookshop Summer: Yeah... You didn't make any plans for us tonight, did you? Seth: Well, I thought we would just... Summer: What "Jamaican" up as you go? You are such a baby. I'm done baby-sitting you. Do you understand me? I'm done. Generic New Match Office Julie: I'm not questioning the fantasy, Spencer. We've all imagined doing it with the delivery boy. I am questioning whether we should be paying for the pizza. It's starting to add up. Spencer: We're running a male prostitution ring, Julie. Pizza's the cost of business. Julie: Hey, who did we...? Who'd we set Petrie Marchand up with? Spencer: That guy you call the Mambo King. Julie: Oh, yeah. My real question-- what do you know about money laundering? Spencer: That'd be nothing. Why? Julie: Because it's the holidays and we're busy and I can't keep filing all this cash under "extra money." I'll, um... I'll see you later at the place. Spencer: Yeah. Kirsten: That was Jimmy on the phone. He's supposed to call Kaitlin at midnight? Julie: Yeah. Kirsten: Well, he's hosting a party on his boat. And he wanted you to tell Kaitlin he's sorry, but he might be out of cell phone range. Julie: Poor Kaitlin. I know she doesn't show it, but I think she really, really misses him. Kirsten: Can I help you with something? Julie: No, no. No, I'm good. Kirsten: Julie, I appreciate you handling the bookkeeping, but honestly, I probably have more experience. Julie: Well... all the more reason for me to learn. I mean, what if you get ht by a bus or something? God forbid. Kirsten: There must be something I can do. Julie: Some more coffee? I got it at the place on the corner. Gordon: Somebody going on a coffee run? I'll take a latte. Hello, sweetheart. Just thought I'd drop off an invite to my soiree. Julie: Yeah, Gordon, you know, I received like 11 of these in the mail. Gordon: Well, now you've got an even dozen. So read it to me. Julie: "Gordon Bullit invites you and a hot guest to start 2007 with a bang." Gordon: That joke never gets old, does it? Been using it since 1989. So, uh... what time do you want me to send a limo? Julie: You know, honestly, I'm not sure that I'll get through with everything here. Gordon: Damn it, hotcakes, when I bankrolled this operation, I thought I'd see you more, not less. Since I got back from Riyadh, we've had two dinner dates and zero hanky-panky. Julie: Well, it's a new business, Gordon. Gordon: Well, hey, look, at least let me get you a bean counter to take care of some of the paperwork. Julie: Bullit, let me have that back. Gordon: Wow, you girls eat a mess of pizza. Julie: We work through dinner a lot. Look, I really appreciate the gesture, Bullit, but I would prefer to do this on my own, hmm? Gordon: Okay. You coming tonight? Julie: If I can. Gordon: Damn, woman. At Cohen's Sandy: And he requested me? Yeah, all right, all right. I'll see what I can do. Okay. Seth: Working on New Year's Eve? Sandy: Yeah, one of your homeless guys from Thanksgiving attcked a parking meter. He couldn't remember his name, but he remembered mine. Seth: I was talking about the sandwiches. Sandy: Oh, yeah, Ryan's putting together a cooler for Vegas. I'm his sandwich guy. Cohens are natural sandwich artists. Seth: It's like our very own super power. Yeah, I don't know if it qualifies us for the Justice League, though. Sandy: What's up? You've got that "something's up" look on your face. Seth: Well, you know, probably 'cause something's up. Sandy: What'd you do? Seth: More like what I didn't do. Turns out Summer's expecting me to make some elaborate New Year's Eve plans. Sandy: Oh, romantic holiday plans- definitely not a Cohen super power. Seth: We've got nine months until we go to college. This is the last time in our lives we don't have to worry about stuff. Sandy: Yeah, yeah, the ladies don't really buy that line, though. You still have to show her that you value her. My advice... Put some thought and effort into making some real New Year's Eve plans, pronto. Well, my work here is done. I've got a date with a bail bondsman. And you and Summer have a wonderful New Year's Eve. And... be safe. Ryan: Hey. Sandy: Hey. You be safe, too, in Vegas, will ya? Ryan: Yeah. Sandy: The sandwiches are all ready. Good to go. And if I do say so myself, they're great. Ryan: Thank you, Sandy. Sandy: The only thing you have to keep in mind-- make it personal. Seth: I think I just got the purr-fect idea. Sandy: Good man. Ryan: What was that about? Seth: Oh, nothing-- just Summer and I coming with you to Vegas. Ryan: What?! Seth: You may want to make some more sandwiches. I'm going to go upstairs and pack. Parking - Julie's car Julie: You're late. Spencer: Yeah. I've been looking for my book. Julie: What book? Spencer: The one with everyone's names, phone numbers. I had it when I was talking to you. I put it down for a sec, it was gone. Julie: This has got to be a sign. Spencer: What are you talking about? Julie: Your father tried to saddle me with an accountant today. What if he finds out we've turned his investment into a whorehouse? Or if Kirsten finds out? No, we need to shut this down now. Spencer: Then... let's just do tonight. All right? We both need the money. Julie: We can manage without. Spencer: What if Neil sells your house? Where you going to live? We're going to make 40 grand each. Now, you want to close down shop after that, cool, but let's do tonight. Come on. Julie: We'll burn everything tomorrow. Spencer: I'll light the match myself. Motel Gordon: Frank, Frank, Frank. Damn, damn, double damn. Good to see you. Frank: Good to see you. Come on in. Have a seat. Can I fix you a drink? Gordon: No, I'm fine. So, cowboy, what the hell you doing in these neck of the woods? Frank: Well, you... you once said, if I ever needed a job... Gordon: Serious? Now, don't be jerking the Bullit around. Frank: I'm serious. Gordon: Well, now, that's a good thing. And I happen to have a couple of places I could use you pronto. But, knowing you, you've already picked something out. Frank: You're not going to believe this, but I saw you invested in a dating service. Gordon: You're kidding, right? A man of your talents? Frank: I think there's a future in it. Gordon: Yeah, but the tricky thing there is, my girlfriend, Julie-- she's kind of running that. Frank: Really? Gordon: I know what you're thinking, but it's not like that barmaid in Daytona. Now, that one, she was a con artist. Frank: And Julie's legit? Gordon: Absolutely. Frank: I mean, Julie's problem is not thievery. It's pride. She wants to do everything herself, and I get no chance to see her. Oh, wait. Bullit. Oh, right. The dress shop. Okay. On the way. Sorry. I got to go. Well, it was good to see you. You're going to love Newport. Frank: I'm sure I will. Oh, and if Julie ever gets less proud, you let me know. I'd love to help out. Gordon: I'll do that. Happy New Year, partner. Frank: Same to you. Gordon: See you later. Frank: Right. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Summer: Taylor, you look terrible. What's the matter? Taylor: Okay, can you keep a secret? But I mean a big secret. Like, a really big secret. Summer: Yeah. Taylor: I think you might be pregnant. Summer: Um... okay. First of all, if I were pregnant, that would be my secret. And second of all, I'm late, not pregnant. Taylor: And how did you know that? Okay, when I went to visit you in Providence, I remember that you had your period, which means you should have had it again a week and a half ago. But the box of tampons that you bought two weeks ago hasn't even been opened. Summer, have you had unsafe sex? Summer: Well, there was that time where Seth visited... Taylor: Summer... Summer: I didn't want the pharmaceutical companies playing slumlord with my eggs. Taylor: Well, what about condoms? Summer: Latex smells funny. Taylor: So do diapers. Summer: Taylor! Taylor: What? Don't pretend you're not worried about this, because you've been preoccupied all day. Summer: I am not pregnant. Taylor: Hmm. Well, prove it. Summer: Get that away from me. Seth: Hey, you decent? Taylor: Seth, actually, Summer and I were just having a little girl time, so if you could just come back in 15... Summer: It's so good to see you! Seth: Hey, wow! Look at all this affection, and I haven't even told you my surprise yet. Though, to be fair, it's really more of Ryan's surprise. Summer: Seth. Seth: But, yes, the four of us are going to Las Vegas. Ryan is in the car, waiting. Taylor: Ryan's taking me to Vegas? Seth: And I'm taking you, Mrs. What-Are-Our- Plans-For-New Year's. Now, why don't you to get packed so we can get on the road. Taylor: Actually, Summer and I just need to dash into the bathroom really quick and... Summer: That is a great idea. That is the best idea ever! Why don't you help me pick out what to bring? Seth: Okay. Taylor: Okay, well, I'm just going to pack this toothpaste because we might want it Ryan's car Taylor: Hey, Ryan, can we stop soon? Summer and I have to pee. Ryan: Oh, yeah? Sure. You know what? Next chance we get, I'll get some gas. Taylor: Great. Taylor: Summer, I think, when we stop, we should try out our new toothpaste. Breath's a little stale. Seth: Ryan, are you ready for a sandwich? Hmm? Listen, I know we're crashing, but I promise you, soon as we get to Vegas, I'm going to buy you the best room Sandy Cohen's money can buy. You're rescuing me, and I want to pay you back. Ryan: Yeah, all right. Taylor: Hey, Seth, hypothetically speaking, if I was your girlfriend, and I had health issues, would you want to know about them? Seth: Um... I don't know. What kind of health issues? Summer: Diarrhea of the mouth. Can we just, like, stop talking and turn the music up and just drive, please? Taylor: Summer, there is something in your hair. Let me get it out for you. Summer: What are you doing? Taylor: I think you need to tell Seth. Summer: No. I don't think he could handle it. Taylor: How do you know? Seth: Aw, crap! Forgot my toothbrush. I'm going to have to use my finger. Summer: See? He's a child. Seth: Did you get a toothbrush, too? Taylor: Seth! Don't...! Oh. Is this...? Taylor: Mine! My toothpaste. Ryan: What's going on? Taylor: Nothing. It's just this is... extra whitening, and Seth needs tartar control. Badly. Summer: Thank you. Taylor: You're welcome. At Roberts' Kaitlin: Mom? Gordon: Okay, the coast is clear, dude. Yeah. She's probably still at work. You sure we did the right thing but not buying that little number with rhinestones? Gordon: You asked me for my help to pick out a dress for my mother, so trust me. Gordon: Well, I just want to make sure she feels like a million dollars at my party tonight, that's all. That's assuming she finishes work on time. I offered to get someone inthere to help the woman out. She flat out refused me. Kaitlin: You really like her, don't you? Gordon: Oh, yeah, peanut. She's under my skin. The whole time I was in Riyadh, didn't once try to peek under a girl's burkha. So, uh... what you got going on tonight? Kaitlin: Well, I'm supposed to talk to my dad, but his boat's out of cellphone range. So, whatever. It's no big. Gordon: Well, dang, girl, if you're free, why not come to my party? Kaitlin: Because I'm 40? Gordon: No, because it's New Year's Eve, and I got not one prince, but two coming. Kaitlin: William and Harry? Gordon: Mm-mm-- Samir and Abbas. Saudis. About your age, and not a bad catch, if you don't mind raisins in your chicken. You like two-steppin'? It's a dance we do in Texas-- I can show you tonight if you'd like. Kaitlin: You can hold your breath for that. Gordon: All right. Well, I appreciate your help. You take care now. Kaitlin: Ignore her. Gordon: Come again? Kaitlin: She refused your help, so ignore her. It's what I always do. Gordon: Here you go. Kaitlin: What's this for? Gordon: In case you change your mind, come to the party, you might want to buy a dress or a lollipop or something. Yo, Frank. Yeah, Bullit. What's going on this afternoon? On the road Taylor: It's up to you. Summer: You'll be there when I take it? Taylor: Of course. Summer: Let's go. Ryan: Hey, uh... is everything all right? You, uh... were acting kind of strange in the car. Okay, I just wanted to, uh, you know, apologize. I know this trip to Vegas is supposed to be us, but Seth kindof hijacked it to get out of the doghouse, so what are you going to do? Taylor: Yeah, I know. Ryan: Uh... anyway, you know, he, uh... he's getting us a room. So at least we'll be alone. Taylor: Yeah. Uh... I don't think that we should do that. In fact, I know that we shouldn't. Ryan: Uh... What... what are you talking about? Taylor: Obviously, we both thoughtthat we were going to... It's Vegas, and there's lingerie, and it would be great, trust me, but I just want our first time to be special, and tonight is just not the night. Okay? Sorry. I got to go. Seth: I have a question. And let's pretend I wasn't eavesdropping. Are you absolutely positive that you haven't had sex yet with Taylor? Not even, like a, "I feel guilty about this because you're kind of wasted, but how did that happen?" mistake? Okay, I'll take that as a no. Hey, look at that. It's a green alien. It's crazy. Well, these windows aren't going to wash themselves. Ryan: Seth, what's going on? At the bathroom Taylor: Okay, "Remove the test stick from the foil wrapper." Summer: Did that already. Taylor: "Position the stick with the test windows "facing away from the urine stream, "and place the absorbent tip under the stream of urine." Stream of urine, Summer. Girl: Uh... You need something? Taylor: Oh, no. Thank you. Summer: Who is it? Taylor: A slutty alien. Did you pee? I'll go outside. Summer: Wait, wait. Don't leave me. New Match Office Julie: May I help you? Frank: You must be Julie. Julie: And you are...? Gordon: I told you she was hot. Julie, meet my buddy Frank. He's gonna put yourbooks in order. Julie: Didn't I say no to this? Gordon: Oh, yes, you did, but a little birdie told me to ignore you, so that's what I'm doing. Julie: Gordon... Gordon: Is no longer willing to negotiate. Now, let's let Frank do his thing. Meantime, let's get you out of that Pilgrim outfit and into a ball gown, which I happen to have bought you. And, Frank, if you get finished by midnight, you come play with us, you hear? Frank: I will. Gordon: Oh, Julie. It was nice meeting you. Julie: Nice meeting you, too, Frank. Gordon: Come on, sweetie. On the road Ryan: Why are the girls acting so strange? Seth: Dude, I don't, you know... In the bathroom Summer: 12 more seconds. 11 more seconds. Taylor: What if there wasn't enough pee? Summer: Ten seconds. Taylor: Here, let's switch. Summer: How many bars am I looking for? Taylor: Two. Two bars. Oh, my God, four more seconds. Summer: Oh, my God, I can't look. Taylor: Three more seconds. two more seconds... Oh, my God. one more second. Summer: Okay, I can't do it. Just don't look at it, I can't breathe... Taylor: Okay, okay... Sit down. Sit down, sit down. Summer: I can't breathe. Here, breathe, breathe. Taylor: Breathe into this. Breathe deep breaths. Look, Summer, I'm not gonna make you do anything. It's totally your decision. But whatever you do, it doesn't change the truth, and-and in a few hours, it's gonna be the new year. Do you want to start that year as an adult, with your eyes wide open, or... with your head in the sand? Summer: Give it to me. Taylor: Oh, my God. Summer: What? Taylor: It's gone. Summer: What?! On the road Ryan: I don't believe it. Seth: Well, do you think she cheated on you? Ryan: No. I mean, I-I can't believe she didn't tell me. Seth: Well, I'll wash the car if you want to go smash something. Like maybe that big green bug. Taylor: Hey! Excuse me! I... You... Follow that alien! She stole my purse! Seth: What? Taylor: She just stole my purse. Taylor: What? Well... Get in the car! She just stole it from underneath the bathroom. Seth, hurry up ! She's getting... She's right there! Go Ryan, go! Go! In the car Seth: Can't we just buy you a new purse and cancel your credit cards? Summer: No, we need that purse. Seth: Why? Taylor: Because... Of the pills that I have in there. For the allergy I have but never told you guys about. It's just... nothing serious. Summer: And she needs to take the pills before midnight. Taylor: Right. And since we are in the middle of the desert, and nowhere near a pharmacy, it has to be the pills in that purse. Sorry. You're being awfully quiet. Ryan: There's a lot of that going around. Summer: Hey, I see brake lights. Seth: look liked Party Summer: Did anyone get a good look at her face? Seth: She's an alien-- it's not an easy thing to lose in a crowd. Taylor: I don't believe it. Summer: Everyone is an alien. Seth: Hey, we're gonna go this way. Ryan: Okay, we'll go this way. Taylor: But... Ryan: Come on. I promised you some alone time. At the restaurant Julie: Hey. Spencer: Mm... hey. Julie: Spencer, let me ask you a question. When you paired these ladies up with their dates, did you know they were coming to this party? Spencer: You don't think Kirsten's gonna smell something fishy, do you? Julie: No, no. I think we're taking the fish and slapping her in the face with it. She knows these women are our clients. Spencer: Maybe she won't notice-- isn't she an alcoholic? Julie: Recovering, unfortunately. So did you find anything out about Frank? Spencer: Not a lot. He's a friend of my dad's. I'm not surewhere they met. He took the series seven a month ago, but before that, nothing. Doesn't exist. Julie: So what do you think? Spencer: Well, I'm thinking maybe... CIA or Special Ops? Julie: No, Deep Throat, I mean, what do you think we should do? Does he seem like someone we can bribe? Spencer: Eh, I wouldn't bank on it-- my dad's big on loyalty. Speaking of... where is he anyway? Julie: He's over there introducing Kaitlin to some Saudi princes. * Gordon: This is Samir-- and I call him Sam. And this is Abbas-- and I call him Boss. Kaitlin: Oh. bass: You are, uh, Kait... Kaitland? Kaitlin: Kaitlin. Gordon: Kaitlin. Okay, Kaitland. Party Taylor: He says there's no coat-check, and there's no one really in charge. Oh, then he invited me to party on his asteroid, which I think means his trailer. Maybe we should just find Seth and Summer and make sure they're okay. Ryan: Taylor, I... I know. Seth told me. Taylor: Told you what? Ryan: You know... it, the thing. Taylor: Okay, let me explain... Ryan: I just wish that you told me. That's what I'm mad about, not any of the other stuff, just that you kept it from me. Taylor: Wait, wh-what other stuff? Ryan: Well, you know, that you were... sleeping with someone before we started dating. Taylor: Who says? Seth: Well, the math says, but, look, I'm not mad about that. Taylor: See, I knew you felt this way. Ryan: Well, I'm not... I'm not accusing you of anything. Taylor: Yes, you are. You are saying that I had random unsafe sex with someone in between my marriage annulment and us making out at Kaitlin's. Do you know how many days that was, Ryan? Ryan: So what are you saying? You're saying you were sleeping with someone while we were dating? Taylor: Is that what you think? Ryan: No! But if you were, I couldn't be mad because we were never exclusive. Taylor: Right. And why would you want to be, since you clearly think I am a big fat divorcee whore! At the restaurant Julie: Oh, my God. Kirsteb: Julie. Julie: Hi. Hey. Uh, where's Sandy? Kirsten: Julie, what's going on? Julie: What do you mean? Kirsten: Well, it's just that all our clients here are on dates with people that look like they're college students-- I mean, weren't we supposed to set up Jessica Rogers with Dr. Weston? Julie: Yeah, you know, we were, but she called yesterday and said she met someone-- that's love. Frank: Hello, Julie. Julie: Frank... uh, you're here. Uh... Frank, this is Kirsten Cohen, my partner. This is Frank... Frank: Perry. Frank Perry. Nice to meet you. Kirsten: Nice to meet you. Julie: Frank Perry. Right. Um... Bullit hired him to put our books in order, and that's what he's been doing all night so that I could be here. Kirsten: Oh. Does everything add up? Frank: Yeah. Looks good. And business seems to be booming, so... if I had a drink, I-I would toast you. Julie: Well, I'll-I'll take it anyway. Thank you. Frank: All right, ladies, as you were. Kirsten, a pleasure to meet you. Julie: Ah, Kiki, do you ever feel invincible. Kirsten: Why? Julie: Oh... no reason. Happy New Year, sweetie. Party Seth: Remind me again why we're looking for a purse when the larger issue seems to be Taylor thinking she has a baby inside of her? And don't give me anything about any allergy pills, 'cause I'm not buying it. Summer: Seth, we need the purse, because the pregnancy test is in it. The test that we have already taken and haven't looked at yet. The test that we need to see before midnight so we can start 2007 knowing exactly where we stand. Seth: Can I interrupt you for a second? I'm remembering something I wanted to ask you for back in the car when I found out the test was Taylor's. Summer: What? Seth: Paw. Up top. Summer! You're asking me for a high five? Seth: Can you imagine if it was your test we're looking for? Now, I know it seems a little bit selfish, but I think we're entitled to celebrate, so come on, up top, ht it. ht it. Summer: God, Seth. Seth: Oh, God. Oh, my God! It's really you! Boy: Seth Cohen! I saw you at Comic-Con years ago. Seth: Oh. Boy: I'm a huge, huge... huge Atomic County fan! Seth: Thanks. Thanks a lot. Boy: Check it out, man-- I'm Kid Chino! Seth: Oh, wow, that is fantastic. Listen, I'm looking... Boy: We got to take a picture, man. Seth: Oh, oh, okay. Boy: This... is the greatest night of my life, Mr. Cohen. Seth: Wow, thanks a lot. Hey, oh, it's the alien! Boy: Smile! Seth: Thanks a lot. Boy: Thanks, man. At the restaurant Frank: I didn't want to embarrass you in front of your partner, but your so-called dating service... is not exactly what Bullit thought he was investing in, is it? Why don't you wet your lips. Your mouth looks dry. Bass: Kaitland? Kaitlin: What? Bass: We are boring you, yes? Boy: Maybe it will be more pleasing to you if we make... kissing to each other. Kaitlin: Yeah, y-you guys go do that. * Julie: Okay, so just what do I have to do to keep you quiet? Frank: Suite 522 at the Four Seasons. Say... half an hour. * Kirsten: Oh, there you are. How's your client? Sandy: Darrel? Well, he's better off than the parking meter he beheaded. I sent him to a shelter. How has your night been? Kirsten: Oh, it's just... it's just odd. Julie's acting strange, and... well, we have clients here-- it's just they're not with the dates that we set them up with. So if I'm a little tense I apologize. Sandy: Come on, let's work it out on the dance floor. Kirsten: Yeah. Frank: Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Sandy: No, my fault. Sandy Cohen. Frank: Uh, Frank Perry. Kirsten: Frank works for Bullit. Sandy: Oh, is that right? Frank: Yeah, the Big Bang himself. Well, it was nice bumping into you. And, uh, happy New Year. Sandy: You, too. Kirsten: Sandy, something wrong? Sandy: I feel like I know that guy from somewhere. Come on. How about that dance? * Gordon: Hey there, Miss Columbus. How are you? Good to see you. Hey, now, enjoy yourself. * Kaitlin: Mom, aren't you gonna stay for midnight? Julie: Oh, Kaitlin, your mom has a headache. But you should stay-- have Bullit give you a ride home. Kaitlin: This doesn't have anything to do with that creepy guy, does it? Julie: What creepy guy? Kaitlin: They guy I saw you talking to. You were gonna go meet him, weren't you? Julie: This is not what you think. But, please, you can't tell Bullit about this. Kaitlin: Mom, he really likes you. Julie: And-and I really like him, too. It just... You have to trust me on this, okay? Kaitlin: Okay. Julie: Happy New Year, baby. Kaitlin: Uh, Mom? I miss Dad sometimes. Julie: I know, honey. We'll call him tomorrow, okay? Kaitlin: Okay. Party Ryan: Taylor! Taylor: Hey, Ryan. What are you doing? Ryan: Let's go. Taylor: Ryan, you think I'm a whore, I'm gonna act like a whore. Ryan: I don't think you're a whore, but I definitely don't think you should be drinking. Taylor: Why, because I might be pregnant with my whore baby? Man: Hey! How about giving that back before I atomize your face? Ryan: How about you just back off? Summer: Hey, what's going on? What are you doing? Ryan: I'm trying to figure out why my girlfriend is taking pregnancy tests and I'm the last one to find out about it. How is that possible? Summer: Because it's not hers, okay? It's mine. It's my test that is in Taylor's purse. Ryan: What? Summer: Great. This is great. Now I'm not gonna know if I'm pregnant before midnight. There's nothing like starting off a new near with something like this hanging over your head. Happy New Year, Ryan. Seth: Ryan! Dude, it's Summer's. Ryan: I know. Come on. Let's go. * Seth: Come on. Wait a minute! Come back! Come on! Are you kidding me?! * Ryan: All right, thanks. Nearest cab company's in Baker. What do you want to do now? Seth: Oh, curl up into the fetal position and weep. Although, perhaps the unborn baby metaphor... Ryan: Not really appropriate. Seth: I cannot believe Summer might be pregnant. Oh, my God. I think I saw an empty... Ryan: Uh, Seth. Hurry up. In the car Taylor: Don't worry, Summer. I'm sure we'll pass a 24-hour pharmacy at some point. Summer: The symbolism window closed at midnight. We'll do it in the morning. Taylor: Okay. Summer: Taylor, I really appreciate everything you did for me today. I really hope it didn't cause any permanent damage with you and Ryan. Taylor: Oh, don't worry about me, please. Summer: How did I get here ? How did I go from being an Ivy League Al Gore in the making to a knocked-up college dropout with a boyfriend that forgets to pack his toothbrush when he travels? How did this happen? Taylor: You know what? It's a new year. We all get a fresh start. Okay? You and me and Seth and Ryan, we can all be whatever we want to be. And everything negative will be left in last year. Party Man: What's my name? Girl: Zerk-nong Man: Spell it. Girl: Z-U... Boy: "E"! Girl: Oh. Z... Z-E-R- K-N Boy: Hyphen. Girl: Hyphen, N-O-N-G. In the car Summer: It was kind of mean leaving them in there like that, wasn't it? Taylor: Yeah. Summer: Yeah. Taylor: I'll call 'em, see if they're okay. I need to borrow your phone. I left mine in my purse. Party Boy: What does that spell? Girl: Zerk-nong. Zerk-nong. Boy: Again. Good girl. Girl: Oh, my God! Boy: Hey, Mr. Cohen! Seth: Hey! Hey, these alien chicks are really easy. Hey, we need an emergency evacuation. Boy: You got it. Hey, too bad we don't have Little Miss Vixen's magic scooter. Seth: We have to go! Girl: They stole my purse! At the restaurant Kirsten: All set? Sandy: What? Kirsten: You still thinking about Frank? Sandy: I can't shake the feeling that I know him. Kirsten: I wish you did. I'd love to know who Julie has going through our books. Sandy: She never said anything. Nothing about where Bullit found him? Kirsten: Knowing Bullit, it could be anywhere: the golf course, Saudi Arabia, prison. You going to follow me home? Sandy: Yeah. No, no. I'm going to swing by the homeless shelter make sure Daryl made it there. Kirsten: Are you sure? Sandy: Yeah, I won't be long. In the car boy: You just say where you want us to drop you off, Mr. Cohen. The girls and I are honored to be helping out. Ryan: Look, as scared as you are, I'm sure Summer's ten times more scared. Seth: Translation: I need to be there for her. Ryan: Exactly. And you can start by telling her how you feel. Seth: Well, kinda depends on what's in this purse. Ryan: Does it? It is going to change whether or not you want to be with her? Seth: No, of course not. Ryan: And can you imagine ever not wanting to be with her? Seth: No. Ryan: That's your answer. At the restaurant Kaitlin: Hey, great party. Gordon: Thank you, Peanut. How'd it go with the Saudis? Kaitlin: Well, they want to fly me over to Dubai for their prom but I said there's no way I want to wear one of those Klan outfits. Gordon: I don't blame you. Have you seen your mother? I've been, I've been looking for her. Kaitlin: Um, she went home. She had a migraine. Gordon: Dang, I wish she'd have told me. Well, I hope she's okay. Kaitlin: So what was that dance that you were talking to me about this afternoon? Gordon: The one with the number? That'd be the Texas Two-Step. Kaitlin: Can you show it to me? Gordon: Is the Pope Catholic? Oh, come on, lucky lady. It's your night. Here we go. Ready? And it's one, two, one, two, back step. One, two, one, two, Texas Two-Step. We got it. And you're turning. Kaitlin: I'm turning? Gordon: You're turning. Come on. Turn this way. That a girl. Whoa! I nearly lost you. We got it. Got it, got it. At Roberts' - Taylor's bedroom Taylor: If you're here for sex, there's, like, five guys ahead of you. Ryan: Okay, look, I'm sorry if I jumped to conclusions tonight. But you can't be paranoid either about being divorced or any of it. It doesn't mean anything to me. Taylor: So you don't think I'm a whore? Ryan: No. No, of course not. Taylor: Good, 'cause I'm not. Unless, of course, you want me to be. Ryan: Is that my negligee? Mm-hmm. Well, I want that back. Taylor: Come on. Before I change my mind. Ryan: All right, but just to be clear... Taylor: Everything but. Ryan: Come here. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Seth: Staring at that bunny thinking of a baby, aren't you? Summer: I'm sorry I abandoned you in the desert. Seth: I deserved it. And it worked out kind of well, too. I found something that I thought might interest you. Summer: Oh, my God. Seth: But I want to say something first. When I found out it was your pregnancy test, I totally freaked out and I thought "This will change everything," but then Ryan asked me if I could imagine a time when I'd ever not want to be with you, and I realized that the answer is no. Summer: I'm totally pregnant, aren't I? Seth: I don't know. Summer: What do you mean you don't know? Is that going to, like, squirt invisible ink or something? Seth: No, but it will make you engaged to me. Summer: What? Are you insane? Seth: Possibly, but I'm certain of this. Summer: No, Cohen, we can't. Sure, we can. We're both adults, we don't share DNA. Seth: You just have to want to. But... I do. Summer: Don't you think we should look at the test first? Seth: And have you wonder for the rest of your life if I proposed to you because you're pregnant? I'm doing this because I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Summer: You know, once you do this, you can't take it back? Seth: I know. Summer Roberts, will you marry me? Summer: Yes, I'll marry you. Seth: All right. Summer: Okay, so should we look at the test now? Seth: Sure. Let's see what's in store for the futureMr. and Mrs. Seth Cohen. Summer: How many bars is that? Seth: One. What's that mean? Summer: One means I'm not pregnant. I'm not pregnant. Is it inappropriate to celebrate? Seth: No, please, please. Saves us from having to have a g*n wedding. Now we can just have a normal one instead. Summer: Yeah. You and me and our normal wedding. Seth: Should we hug again? Both: Okay. Hotel Frank: Have a seat. Julie: I'm not trading sex for silence, Frank. I may be a madam, but I'm not a whore. Frank: Good to know, but that's not why I brought you here. Julie: It's not? Frank: Sit down. Julie: So, why did you bring me here? Frank: For information. Julie: Information about what? Frank: About the Cohen family. Julie: Why? Frank: Because I'm not who I say I am. Julie: And who are you? Frank: I'm Ryan's father. End of the episode.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x08 - The Earth Girls Are Easy"}	foreverdreaming
At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Taylor: So I woke up early this morning to make my New Year's resolutions, but I think I need your help. So number one, stop mooching off other people's families, and get a job. Number two, start taking calcium supplements. Do you think that's enough? Summer: Uh, how about number three? Plan Summer's wedding. Taylor: But engaged? Oh, my God. Why didn't you say something sooner? Summer: Denial. Taylor: Hmm. How romantic. Summer: Look, someday I want to get married, and I'm guessing that it will be to Seth. But now that I'm without child... Taylor: Well, have you told Seth that? 'Cause getting married is kind of a big deal. I should know. Summer: Well, Taylor, I cannot break it off. You should have seen his face when he asked me. He's never been that sincere in his entire life. Usually everything he says is laced with irony and contempt. But he meant it. So did I. Taylor: Except you didn't, not really. Summer, you have to tell him how you really feel. Okay, great. I've always wanted to plan a wedding. I'm thinking bagpipes. Maybe a replica of the Starship Enterprise. At Cohen's - In the kitchen Ryan: Hey. Why are you still in bed? Are you sick or something? Seth: I am sick, Ryan. I'm sick of being engaged. Ryan: So you asked her before you looked at the test? Seth: I was trying to be a man, a plan with a fundamental conceptual flaw. Ryan: And now? Seth: Well, it'not that I regret it, exactly. Okay, that's exactly it: I regret it. Ryan: Acting impulsively when your girlfriend is pregnant, believe me, I know about that. But you can't ask Summer to marry you if you don't want to get married. Seth: Well, I can't ask her and then take it back. You should have seen the look on her face; it'd crush her. Ryan: All right, that's cool, that's cool. Let's go call Sandy d Kirsten. Seth: No. No, no. Ryan: They might think you're too young, but I'm sure after we tell them about the whole pregnancy scare, they'll totally get behind it. Seth: Ow. Jettey Ryan: So just you know, Seth doesn't want to get married. Taylor: Well, it's not like Summer wants to be a desperate housewife. Ryan: Right. Taylor: Yeah, it's going to be easy then. All it will take is one of them to say they think theyshould wait a while, and the other will happily agree, and that'll be that. Except that it is Seth and Summer. Ryan: Right. Oh, here they come. Summer: Hey. So Seth and I had a long talk. Seth: Ryan, I'd like you to be my best man. Summer: And I'd like you to be my maid of honor. Ryan: Well, I'd be honored. Taylor: Yes, me, too. Super. Let's go talk wedding stuff. Seth: Okay. Uh... I feel good about this. I think a little long-term lifelong commitment is exactly what I needed. Ryan: This is bad. Seth: This is so bad. Generic Jettey Sandy: Thanks for meeting me. Frank: Thanks for calling. Sandy: So you're Ryan's father. Frank: That's funny, 'cause I was just going to say the same thing to you. New Match Office Julie: House drip? I ordered a bone-dry cappuccino. Kirsten: This one's for u. I didn't know what to get Frank and everyone likes the house drip. Julie: Frank? Kirsten: Our new accountant. Did he go to Dubai with bllet? Julie: Um, actually, Keeks, I was going to talk to you about that. Jettey Frank: I know I've got a lot of explaining to do, Sandy. Sandy: Well, yeah, you can start with what you're doing in Newport, using a fake name, working for my wife. Frank: I want to see Ryan. Sandy: So ring our doorbell, introduce yourself. Frank: And have Ryan answer it? I don't think he'd be thrilled to see me. New Match Office Kirsten: So how did Frank Atwood become our new accountant? Julie: He became friends with bllet while they were both locked up, and bllet offered him a job. Frank saw that he had holdings in Newport, saw your name on the New Match portfolio. He found out from Social Services that Ryan was living with you. Jettey Sandy: I got to be honest, Frank, knowing what I do about you, and your past, it's tough to root for that family reunion. Frank: I only ask that you hear me out. New Match Office Kirsten: Rehabilitated ? Julie: He used to ht Dawn and the boys. Kirsten: How rehabilitated could he be? Julie: Well, he owned up to all that, made no excuses. Apparently, the volence always started after he'd been drinking, and he hasn't had a drop in eight years. He went to anger management, got his GED, took some business classes by correspondence. Jettey Sandy: I know about that; I checked your record. Frank: You ever think maybe the system works sometimes? Sandy: Yeah. But how come you're reaching out to Ryan only now? New Match Office Julie: He only got out six weeks ago. What was he supposedto do before that? Send a postcard from prison? "Great food. Love the view. Wish you were here." Look, his entire family hated him. He's the first to admit he deserved it. Kirsten: So you think he's really changed? Julie: Yeah, I guess I do. Jettey Frank: I know it's on me to prove itto Ryan and to you, that I'm a different guy. But I'd like the sht. With your blessing, of course, and hopefully with your help. At the shopping center Ryan: Of course you had a chance to break it off, you just chickened out. Seth: Summer had the same chance. Ryan: Yeah, maybe she's a chicken, too. Seth: Summer Roberts is not a chicken. She wants to get married. Ryan: Yeah, you sure about that? Seth: Why, did Taylor say that she doesn't? Ryan: Will it hurt your feelings if I say yes? Seth: No. Then yes. Ryan: She says someday. Seth: But not now. I said the exact same thing. Ryan: All right, well, then tell her you don't want to be engaged. Seth: She'll be fine with it. And spend the rest of my life living down the fact that I left her at the altar? Ryan: The ring you gave her glows in the dark. Seth: I know; it's so cool. Ryan: Yes, and I think she'll get over it. Seth: Yeah, she says she'll get over it, but what she means is she'll get even, okay? Now, if she doesn't want to marry me, she can tell me that herself. Ryan: Hmm, good point. Seth: Really? Ryan: No, but if you're too chicken to tell Summer how you feel, give her no choice but to tell you how she feels. Smoke her out. Seth: I'm not a chicken. At Harbour School Will: As a dog, Buck has the opportunity to view man when he doesn't even know he's being watched. Personally, I think all books should be written from the point of view of a dog. But seriously, seeing the world through the eyes of an animal, forces us to see the world and ourselves in a new light. Thank you. Teacher: That was excellent, Will. For a new student,you're really catching up nicely. Kaitlin, you're up. Kaitlin: Thanks for the nap. I really needed to be put to sleep. Eric: She's not really going to do it. Brad: Yeah, she is. Kaitlin: We're supposed to talk about the book like Buck would. And, well, Buck is a dog. So, I think that Buck would say... Ruff, ruff, ruff. Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff. Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff... Teacher: Okay, Kaitlin, that's enough You can sit. Kaitlin: But the assignment was 500 words. Teacher: I'm not done yet. "Ruff, ruff, ruff." Think we got it. Okay. See you all tomorrow. Kaitlin... I want to see you right now. You think this is funny? Kaitlin: Kind of. I mean, it was original at least. Teacher: Well, I'll give you an A for originality. Kaitlin: Cool. Teacher: But your presentation gets an F. You're failing English. You think beininheld back is funny, too? Kaitlin: An extra year in high school is definitely not funny. Will: Sorry, I forgot my books. Teacher: Will, you seem to have a real handle on public speaking. Would you mind helping Kaitlin with a revised presentation? Will: Well, you know, I... Teacher: Great. One more sht, Kaitlin. And every word better be different. At Ryan's workplace Ryan: Hey. No shrimp tacos today; we got fish. You like tilapia? Sandy: Oh, I love the tilapia, but I'm actually not hungry. Thanks, though. Ryan: What's up? Sandy: Are you on a break anytime soon? Jettey Ryan: You talked to him today? Sandy: We met, yeah. Ryan: Always knew one day he'd be out. Sandy: Well, he's out. Ryan: Yeah, yeah. It's... weird. And I know I'm supposed to have a lot of questions, but... it's like my dad's from another life it's so far in the past. Sandy: Well, if that's how you want to keep it, that's fine with me. Ryan: No speech about the importance of family? Sandy: You're my family. What's important to me is you. Ryan: I don't want to see him. Maybe later, not now. Sandy: Then that's what I'll tell him. Ryan: Yeah. Sandy: And no need to explain. Ryan: Thanks. Sandy: So I'll see you at home. Ryan: Uh-huh. Sandy, how'd he seem? Sandy: He seemed good. Ryan: Good. Motel Franl: Hello. Sandy: Frank, Sandy Cohen here. Frank: Hey, Sandy. Sandy: Hi, listen, I spoke to Ryan, and, uh, I'm sorry, but he does not want to see you. Frank: Not even a half hour for a cup of coffee? Sandy: No. Not now. I'm sorry, Frank. Best of luck to you. Frank: Yeah, um, thanks for trying. Julie: Ryan said no? What are you gonna do? At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Summer: A cookbook? I thought you got me a present. Seth: That's just the first part of it. I also signed you up for some cooking classes. Here you go. Summer: But... I don't even like cking. Seth: Well, that's just something, I guess, you better work on, if we're gonna get married, since I expect a nice, home-cooked meal on the table every day by 5:00. Summer: Since when? Your mother never cooked. Seth: Since I decided to get a wife of my own. I also brought over the Torah. You're converting to Judaism. At Roberts' - Taylor's bedroom Summer: He's totally trying to smoke me out. He wants me to break off thengagement so he can live a long, guilt-free life being a big, fat victim. It is sneaky, cowardly and passive-aggressive. Taylor: And you wish you'd thought of it first? Summer: Totally. Taylor: So what are you gonna do, level with him and tell him the truth? Summer: Crack that. He wants a game of chicken?He's gonna get it. Summer: I'm going bridezilla on his ass. New Match Office Sandy: Hey, honey. Kirsten: Hey, Sandy. Sandy: I didn't know you were in a meeting. Are you okay? What happened? Kirsten: We need to talk. Sandy: What are you doing here? Kirsten: Frank's not leaving. Sandy: Well, I'm sorry, but I spoke to Ryan, and that's what he wants. Frank: There's something I didn't tell you when we spoke. I was hoping I wouldn't need to mention it. But then I was saying good-bye to the ladies, and it just came out. Julie: Sandy, Frank is dying. At Cohen's - Kirsten and Sandy' bedroom Kirsten: I felt terrible at dinner last night, not saying anything to Ryan. Sandy: Well, you shouldn't. Did he mention Frank? Did he seem remotely curious at all? Kirsten: Well, he's Ryan. I'm sure he's full of questions. He's just sitting on them. Sandy: You know, I asked him point-blank, and he said he did not want to see him. Kirsten: He doesn't know he's sick. Sandy: If he's. Kirsten: You think Frank's lying about having cancer? Sandy: Well, yeah, he's not the most trustworthy guy I've ever met. Kirsten: Yeah, he'd lie about that. He smoked two packs of cigarettes a day since he was 14 years old. It would be weird if he didn't have lung cancer. I appreciate you being cautious, but this seems personal. Sandy: It is personal. Ryan is our son. Because Frank turned his back on his family. He has hurt Ryan before. I'm not gonna let him do it again. Kirsten: But what if he's not lying? Please. What if Ryan finds out that we knew the truth and didn't tell him? Just let me talk to him, please. At the comics bookstore Summer: Shalom, Cohen. Well, since you brought me presents yesterday, I thought I'd return the favor. Seth: Oh, that is sweet. Summer: Yeah. So here's information on the four "C"s: carat, clarity, color and cut. Seth: Ah, diamonds. Sure, sure. Well, if we're really doing this, we better do it right. Summer: Exactly. Which means nothing less than two carats. Seth: Why not three? You're worth it. Summer: Oh, there's just one more thing. Seth: Pancakes? Summer: Pancakes. I thought he should live with you for a little while. You know, I just need to make sure my husband can take care of something small and vulnerable. Seth: Sure, sure, I've been meaning to spend a little one-on-one time with the little guy. Seth: Oh, and I've been thinking, uh, Yates or maybe Shelley. Summer: You're working on the guest list? Seth: Those are poets, Summer, and their words will inspire my vows. Have you been working on yours? Summer: Why, yes. I was thinking of Shel Silverstein with a dash of Dr. Seuss. "I meant what I said, I said what I meant, an elephant's faithful a hundred percent." Seth: Very moving, Summer. Summer: I know. Seth: Okay. We sort of had a dog once. At Harbour school Kaitlin: Hey, band geek. Sorry, I meant that band geek. Will: So Miss Tidy says that you're my tutor. Kaitlin: That's what she says. And you never disobey Miss Tidy? Will: Let's just get this over with. Kaitlin: Actually, I was wondering if you could just write something down and give it to me tomorrow. Will: Well, I'm not like the other guys at this school. I don't play water polo, and I really don't listen to you. Kaitlin: Look, little drummer boy, Miss Tidy said that you had to help me with my assignment. If I fail, you fail. Will: You can do this yourself, you know. You're not as stupid as you want to be. Kaitlin: Stupid has nothing to do with it. See you before class. At Sandy's office Sandy: I didn't know you were coming by. Kirsten: Oh, well, I knew you'd be at court all morning, and doing all that good can work up quite an appetite. Sandy: You're telling me. Kirsten: Roast beef is rare, and the mustard is spicy. Sandy: Then I'm a happy man, but I'm guessing a picnic isn't the only reason you stopped by. Kirsten: Aw, Sandy, I don't want to fight with you. Sandy: We both love Ryan and we both want what's best for him. Kirsten: Sometimes we're just not gonna see eye to eye. Sandy: No, and our yin-yang style of parenting has produced two pretty good kids, so why stop now? Kirsten: Does that mean everything is okay? Sandy: I know you want to talk to Ryan. I respect that. But you should know I called Dr. Alessi at the prison. I asked him to look into Frank Atwood's medical records. Kirsten: Sandy, that's an invasion of privacy. Sandy: Yin and yang, baby. If I'm wrong, I'll eat my words, but if I'm right, the sooner we know, the better. Kirsten: Does that mean I'm the yang? Sandy: Maybe. El guapo nuevo Ryan: See you tomorrow. Hi. Taylor: Hey. What do you want to do? Maybe get some Mexican food? Ryan: That is the last thing I want to do ever again. Taylor: Occupational hazard. Ryan: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Actually, I have to stop by Kirsten's office. She said she wanted to talk to me. Taylor: Do you think it's about your father? Ryan: Uh, well, I hope not. I made it very clear I don't want to see him. Taylor: Right. Which I totally support. Ryan: Mmm, you just don't agree. Taylor: Well, it's none of my business. Ryan: Ah, that's never stopped you before. Taylor: Look, all I know is that if my father wanted to see me, even if he was a lying, violent, drunken card shark who holds up liquor stores with a sawed-off gn... Ryan: My mother's a card shark, but whatever. Taylor: I would still want to see him. If only to get whatever feelings I had off my chest to tell him that I think he's a total ass and I never want to see him again. Ryan: That would feel good. Taylor: Ryan, my dad lives in San Diego with his new family. He comes to Newport once a quarter to check on his car dealership and play around at Big Canyon I haven't even spent more than 20 minutes with him since I was in second grade. It's just... really easy to ignore your kids, and the hard part is trying to have a relationship. Ryan: Look, I'm sure everything you're saying is right, but you don't know my father. Taylor: You haven't seen him since you were a little kid. No offense, but you don't really know him either. At Roberts' Julie: It says Dalet. Summer: Damn it. Oh, my brisket is burning. Ooh! Julie: I like it chewy. Summer: Julie, I really appreciate you helping me and filling in for Rabbi Gutterman, but this just is not working. Julie: Right, and whenever you want to let me know what this is, I'm all ears. As much as I've enjoyed learning the Hebrew alphabet with you. Summer: Well, this is a ridiculous sham. I mean, not that I don't look forward to one day becoming Jewish. Julie: Did Seth dare you to do this? Summer: Um, in a way, yes. We're engaged. Julie: Oh, that's great! I think. You're young, but, hey, worked for me. Summer: You can't tell anyone. Julie: No, no, but Summer, did... Are you...? Summer: No, no... we thought that I might be. Julie: Then why are you getting married? Summer: Because he asked me, and I said yes. Julie: And now you don't want to call it off because you don't want to hurt his feelings. Summer: Mmm. Julie: Or 'cause if you do, he'll get the upper hand. Summer: Exactly. Julie: Now we're talking my kind of dating game. Summer: Manipulating the opposite sex. God, Julie, why didn't I come to you earlier? Julie: Thank you, Summer. Look, if you want to take him down, you have to kick it up a notch. It's called chutzpah. Summer: I think it's chutz... chutzpah. Chutzpah. Okay, never mind. What are you thinking? Jettey Sandy: After I talked to Sandy, I didn't think I'd hear from you again. Kirsten: I'm sorry he was so abrupt with you. Sandy: Can't say I blame him. Kirsten: He's really protective of Ryan. But we talked. Ok, well, there's someone here who wants to meet you. Ryan: Hi. Want to grab some coffee? At Ryan's workplace Ryan: It was fine. Seth: You haven't seen your father in eight years, and it was fine? Ryan: Yeah, well, fine is not a total disaer. I'll take fine. Seth: What'd you guys talk about? Politics, movies? Ryan: His Netflix queue must have been jam-packed. Seth: Has he seen Titanic? Ryan: I don't kown. We just kind of talked. I mean, I don't know. I must have thought hundreds of times about what I would say to my dad when I saw him again, but... sitting in the diner, I just didn't want to say any of those things. Seth: Oh, because he's sick? Ryan: Because he's normal. Look, you can meet him tonight. See for yourself. He's coming over for dinner. Seth: I would, but Summer and I have a date to build our chuppah together, but maybe if we get done early. Ryan: You know, you can stop that crazy train anytime you want. Seth: Yeah, I love her enough to ask her to marry me. I am not gonna lose her. Ryan: Uh, you mean you don't want to lose to< her. Seth: Exactly. Plus, the little guy is kind of starting to grow on me. Ain't that right, Pancakes? Oh, hi! Hi! Ryan: Dude, you can't bring an animal in here. What are you doing? Seth: How dare you talk to your nephew that way. Don't listen to mean Uncle Ryan, Pancakes. That's just the 'roids talking. They do make him huge, I know. Ryan: Would you get him out of here, please, before he ends up in a quesadilla? Seth: Ah. We'll be on the patio. Please bring us another side of carrots. At Harbour school Kaitlin: You got my speech? Will: Here. Kaitlin! I knew you'd come through. Eric: You asked him to do your homework? Brad: Yeah, what about us? Kaitlin: I'm sorry, guys. You've been replaced. Eric: Dude, I feel so betrayed. Brad: Me, too. Teacher: Kaitlin, you ready to start us off today? Kaitlin: Yes, Ms. Tidy. Teacher: This better be good. Kaitlin: Oh, I worked really hard. Teacher: We're ready when you are, Kaitlin. Kaitlin: Ms. Tidy, there's been some kind of a mix-up. And Will here, he... Teacher: No excuses, Kaitlin, let's go. Kaitlin: Um... Buck is, like, this spoiled and pampered dog who lives a sweet life in a big house in California. And also, he's got really pretty hair. Then, one day, like the book says, the facts of life take a fiercer aspect, and then things just kind of start to suck. Buck goes through so much crap that he goes to live with some wolves, and he'd rather kll for his own food than talk to other people. I mean, not talk to other people, because he's a dog, and he doesn't... You guys know that. I think that... that Buck's story is kind of like a metaphor. A taphor for being a teenager. Just like... the more crap you go through, the more you kind of want to be alone. Eric: Dude, she's pretty deep. Brad: Shut up, dude. I'm trying to listen. At Cohen's - In the kitchen Taylor: Fish? Are you sure about that? Kirsten: What's wrong with fish, Taylor? Everyone likes fish. Taylor: Well, what if Ryan's dad was a fisherman on choppy seas, and the smell of fish brings back bad memories? Kirsten: Chino is inland, and Frank was a mechanic-- cars, not boats. Taylor: Oh. Okay, then. Wait. What is the FDA's official position on the spinach recall? Kirsten: Spinach has a clean bill of health. Taylor: I don't think we should take any chances. I'm gonna go to the store and get some broccoli. Kirsten: Taylor... what's wrong? Even for you, you're acting a little strange. Taylor: Yeah, I know. I'm just really nervous. I'm meeting Ryan's dad. The guy hasn't seen a woman in eight years. Kirsten: I think he'll like you. Taylor: Well, it's not about that. I mean, of course he's gonna like me. It's just, my first real Ryan situation. Everything else has been all French husbands and slutty aliens. Kirsten: Excuse me? Taylor: It's like the first major test of our relationship, and I just... I really want him to see that I can be there for the serious stuff, too. Kirsten: The fact that you're there for him means everything. Taylor: Ooh. Thanks, Keeks. You could make such a great mother-in-law. Sandy: What's going on here? We having some kind of feast? Taylor: Frank's been eating prison food for almost a decade. The least we can do is grill him some fish. If he likes fish. Do you think he's gonna like fish? Sandy: You invited Frank to dinner? Kirsten: No, Ryan did. At Cohen's - Sandy and Kirsten' bedroom Kirsten: Hmm. Sandy, I told you that I was gonna talk to him. He just wants to see his father. Sandy: Well, now we all get to see him at the delightful extended family dinner. Kirsten: Have you heard back from the doctor at the prison? Sandy: No. Not yet. Kirsten: Well, I guess we just make the best of it. We always do. Sandy: With Dawn, with Trey-- I think we've been very open with Ryan's family. Kirsten: Until now? Sandy: Ryan's been through hell this year. And there is just something about this guy... Kirsten: That he's not a total screwup ? Look, I get it. We all imagined that Ryan's father would be some kind of monster. And then he shows up, and he's smart, and he's funny, and he's nice. Sandy: Yeah, minus his record for spousal abuse and armed robbery, the guy's a real prize. Move over, Bachelor Bob. Kirsten: Sandy, your relationsh with Ryan is your relationship. Nothing's gonna change that. Sandy: Well, I know that. And I know this is important to Ryan. Kirsten: So important. Sandy: All right. Let me change. I'll fre up the grill. I'll put a smile on my face and conjure up some embarrassing stories about the family. Kirsten: Thank you. At the restaurant Frank: Hey. Julie: Hi. Is everything okay? When you called, you made it sounded like an emergency. Frank: It sort of is. Jacket or no jacket? Julie: Whatever makes you feel comfortable. Frank: In case you can't tell, I really want this to go well. Julie: Just relax, be yourself, everyone will love you. Frank: Thanks. Sound pretty sure about that. Julie: Well, we've all done things we're not proud of, Frank, but people change. Ryan knows that, so do the Cohens. Frank: No, I know, it's just... Julie: Hey, you'll be fine, Frank. It will all be fine. Frank: Right. But maybe I'll bring the jacket, you know, just in case. Julie: Good luck. Call me. Let me know how it goes. Frank: Yeah. Julie... Thank you. At the comics bookstore Summer: Cohen. Pancakes. Seth: Hey, you ready for some chuppah construction, or you just want to take it easy and maybe brainstorm some ideas for the centerpiece? Summer: Actually, I've changed my mind. Seth: You have? Summer: Yes. I don't want some big, formal wedding extraganza. I want something smaller. Seth: Great, great. It'll just be our families, really intimate, be cozy. Summer: Even smaller. Me, you and Elvis! Let's elope, Vegas-style. Seth: Oh, wow, okay, well, yeah, you know. Planning a wedding can be such a pain in the ass. So we'll just have to pick a time that works for you and I... Summer: How about now? Seth: Now works, too. Let me just see if I can get a flight. You know, they may be all booked up. Summer: Well, hey, let's gas up the car and drive there. Seth: Awesome, a road trip, I love them. Summer: Well, hey, if you don't want to... No, of course I want to go. Seth: I really want to go. I just think I need to stop at home first to, um, change my underpants, 'cause you know how I feel about underpants. Summer: Well, come on. It's our honeymoon. Go commando! Seth: Awesome. Summer: Come on, no stops, no excuses. I am marrying you tonight. Seth: Not if I marry you first. At Cohen's Ryan: Yeah, so I guess the plan is that I'd start there in the fall. Frank: Well, Berkeley's a great school. Or, you know,so I hear. How'd you pick it? Sandy: Kirsten and I went there. Kirsten: We met there, so it's a very special place for us. Frank: Well, that's-that's great. Family tradition. Ryan, do you remember the time we went to San Francisco? Ryan: Uh, no. Frank: That's 'cause we never quite made it. Your mom and I had this idea in our heads that we should take a family trip. So we all piled into that old pickup truck we had and drove up north for the weekend. But it was just miserable. Trey got carsick. We got two flat tires. Of course, we only had one spare. Day in the life of the Atwoods. Frank: You know what? I actually have a photo from that trip. Ryan: Oh, there's no reason... Taylor: Baby pictures, yay! Oh, my G, look at baby Ryan. You could already see that strong jawline, those piercing blue eyes that just stare right into your soul. Ryan: That's my cue to get dessert. Sandy: Kirsten makes a great key lime pie. Taylor: Only if you like key lime, though, because I actually thought lemon meringue. And if you want I can just go inside and whip it right up or... Peach tort, I make peach... Frank: You know, key lime sounds great. Taylor: You were right. Kirsten: I should clear the table. Frank: Well, let me give you a hand. Sandy: No, no, sit down, sit down. You slaved in the kitchen all day, and you are our guest. So please, just relax. Frank: Thank you. * Ryan: So we all survived dinner. Sandy: Yeah. I got to say I didn't start off a big fan of your father's. Ryan: Join the club. Sandy: But he's kind of winning me over. Ryan: Yeah, huh? He's different than I remember him. Sandy: Well... people can change. Ryan: Too bad all it took was a terminal illness. Sandy: But better late then never, I guess. Ryan: True. Sandy: Looks good. Yeah. Will you excuse me for a second, I got to take this. Yeah, sure, I'll just take this outside. * Sandy: Hello.Yeah, this is Sandy. Thanks for getting back to me, Dr. Alessi. I really appreciate you doing this for me, and I understand the position it puts you in. Uh-huh. I see. Well... Okay. Thank you. Seth's car Seth: Are you okay? You want to stop? Summer: No, I'm good. Seth: Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Summer: Sated and quenched, thanks. Seth: I can't do this. Summer: You can't? Seth: No, I can't. Because, you know, as much as I love you... Summer: Yeah? Seth: It just doesn't feel right getting married. You know, without asking your father... for your hand. Summer: You want to ask, um, my dad's permission to marry me? Seth: I do. Yes, I do. Summer: Cohen, that is such a holdover to when women were chattel, Traded between men like they were property and animals. Okay, I took two-thirds of a semester of women's studies and... Seth: Well, I just, I can't do this to your father, Summer. We've watched too much golf together. I love that man. Summer: Okay... you know, once we ask my dad, there's no turning back. Seth: Oh, yeah, I know. Summer: Okay. Hey, well, let's head on home and make it official. Seth: Okay. At Cohen's Frank: All I know is you're a ballplayer and then I go away and suddenly, you're in musicals? Ryan: Mom had her dreams. Taylor: Don't you worry, Mr. Atwood, I'll straighten him out. Frank: Hey, you know what? I like this girl, Ryan. Taylor: I told you he'd like me. Kirsten: I should make some coffee. Sandy: Sorry, I had a call. Kirsten: Decaf, hon? Sandy: No, I'm good. Frank. Frank: Hmm? Sandy: Can I speak to you for a minute? Frank: Yeah, sure, excuse me. *** Frank: Hey, Sandy, thanks again for everything. I mean, this has been a great evening, great dinner. Sandy: Yeah, well, when a man doesn't have a lot of time left, every meal counts. Frank: Yeah, right. Sandy: Why are you doing this, Frank? Frank: What are you talking about? Sandy: You're his father. He would have wanted to see you either way, and now he's going to find out you lied to him. I made some phone calls. You're as healthy as a horse. Frank: You, uh... you checked up on my story? Sandy: Yeah, for good reason. Your story doesn't check out. The cab is on its way. Now before you go, tell Ryan the truth. Or I will. Frank: Look, you're wrong about him wanting to see me. He didn't. You know, he... Even though I came here clean and I-I-I was sorry, he still didn't want to see me. Sandy: Are you going to tell Ryan, or am I? Kirsten: Is everything okay? Sandy: Frank? Frank, you got something you want to say? Frank: Nope, nothing. Ryan: What's the matter? Sandy: Then I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Frank: I'm not going anywhere. Sandy: This is my house. Frank: And he's my son. Sandy: Not anymore. I've extended you every courtesy. Now, I'm going to have to show you the door. Frank: Hey, don't touch me. Sandy: Oh, come on. Let's go. Frank: Or what? You don't want to ht me. Sandy: Oh, yes, I do. Frank: That was a mistake, Sandy. Sandy: I'm standing right here, Frank. Ryan: Hey, hey, hey, stop. Stop! What the hell is going on? Sandy: Ryan, your father wants to tell you something. Ryan: All right, come on. Let's talk outside. Kirsten: Sandy, what on earth? Sandy: Well, the good news is, Frank Atwood is going to outlive us all. The bad news? My hand is klling me. Taylor: I'll get you some ice. Sandy: Thank you. At Harbour school Kaitlin: That was pretty good. Will: Oh, you saw the halftime show? Kaitlin: I don't watch girls' basketball. Chicks with big hands freak me out. Will: So you must mean, like, today in class, huh? You liked that? Kaitlin: Maybe you're not a total geek after all. I mean, you're still a geek, but you got me pretty good. I've got to respect that. Will: Well, your speech was pretty good. And I've got to respect that. Kaitlin: It's not like I care if you respect me or not. But thanks. Will: So got anything else to say? Kaitlin: No. What else would I say? Will: I don't know, it's just that you're still standing here. Kaitlin: So are you. Will: Do you maybe, like, want to do something? Kaitlin: Something with you? I don't think so. Good, 'cause, 'cause I didn't want to do nothing anyway. Will: I was just asking. Kaitlin: Really, because that's what you do? Just ask people what they're doing? Will: Exactly, yep. Kaitlin: Well, then why don't you ask this guy what he's doing? Will: What? Nah, I'm good. Kaitlin: Hey, guy, do you want to do something with him? Because he's... Will: Shut up. Hey, she's playing, she's playing. Kaitlin: What? Sorry. Will: Trying to be funny, huh? At Cohen's Frank: Ryan, it was one lie. Ryan: Kind of a big one. Frank: I needed to buy some time. I just wanted you to get to know me better, so that, you know, maybe you could forgive me. Of all the bad things I've done, this doesn't even make the top ten. Ryan: Yeah. That's a hell of a point. Frank: Look, I want to do better. Will you help me? Ryan: I think you should just go. Frank: Ryan! Ryan: It's too soon. Frank: I've worked so hard to get... Ryan: Not for you, for me. Frank: Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, not much of a hugger. Ryan: Yeah, I know. Frank: Look, I'm sorry about what happened in there. All right, see you. Ryan: I'll call you. * Taylor: Did your dad leave? Ryan: When you get decked after dessert, it's usually a time to call it a night. Taylor: Good tip. So are you okay? Ryan: First dinner with the family. Taylor: Very impressive. Ryan: I'm sorry you had to go through that. Taylor: Are you kidding? It was amazing. Well, not amazing, but, you know intense. And we went through it together, so it was kind of like our first major relationship milestone. Ryan: Yeah, I guess it was. Taylor: And now you are totally prepared for dinner with my mom. Ryan: Huh. Well, no family is perfect, right? Taylor: Mmm. Yours is pretty close. You should go spend time with them. I'll call you tomorrow. * Ryan: You all right? Sandy: I'm from the Bronx. I used to ht guys all the time. Key term: "used to." I am sorry I lost my cool back there. Ryan: He kind of asked for it. Sandy: And I'm sorry things didn't work out with your dad. Ryan: My dad is right here. But you know, if you want, I can teach you a mean left hook, just in case. Just in case what? Sandy: You got more relatives showing up here or what? Ryan: I have some mean uncles. Sandy: I bet you do. Jettey Julie: Well, you get caught lying about cancer, you're going to get punched, those are the rules. Frank: Yeah, I just wanted time with the kid. I don't think I would have said or done anything. Julie: I understand, believe me. Frank: No matter what lie I told, I would have got caught eventually. Julie: God knows Sandy's caught me in more than a few whoppers. He's just looking out for Ryan. Frank: If I'd done a little more of that in my day, I wouldn't be in this position in the first place. Julie: So where you going to go now? Frank: bllet's got opportunities all over. I'll think of something. As for you, this ought to keep things straight with Gordon. I think you'll find these books are cooked, so you can hide as much as you make. Julie: Oh, the prostitution ring. No. After you busted me on New Year's, I made a resolution to quit. It's hard out there for a pimp. Frank: It's a nice little operation. I mean in no time, you could pay for that house you live in. Be financially independent. Here, you think about it. Okay. I, uh, I want to thank you for everything, Julie. Julie: See you. Uh, keep in touch. At Cohen's Seth: Hi, everybody. Sandy: Look at you. Where were you? Seth: Uh, I was working late. Sorry I missed dinner. Ryan: That's all right. I noticed you're not nursing a bunny. Seth: I noticed that, too. Yes, Pancakes is with his mother since I'm going to be heading up to Seattle to visit Dr. Roberts. Kirsten: Oh, that's odd. Seth: Speaking of fathers, where's Ryan's? Kirsten: Sandy punched him. Seth: You punched a dying man? Sandy: Well, it turns out he wasn't dying. Ryan: That's why he punched him. Seth: Miss one dinner around here... Kirsten: Well, you're home now. Get on the couch. It's family time. Seth: Is it family time? Sandy: Come on. Sit thee down. Seth: All right, what are we watching? Sandy: Well, it's about meerkats. Meerkats. Seth: Why are we watching it? Kirsten: Because I wanted to. Sandy: And we don't want to get your mother angry. You haven't seen her right cross. Ryan: Dad's pretty good though. Seth: That makes sense. He was in a g*ng. End of the episode.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x09 - The My Two Dads"}	foreverdreaming
At Ryan's workplace Taylor: It is.It's too much. Ryan: No,no,no,no.Not... What is it? Taylor: New bookstore opened. It looks like a good bookstore. Ryan: All right,well,look,I should get back to work. Taylor: Oh,yeah,okay. Ryan: But thank you.This was really great. Taylor: Good,I'm glad you liked it.Bye. I'll call you later. Ryan: Ok. At the bookstore Taylor: a season for peaches - henri-micheal de momourant. Oh,no.No,this cannot be happening. Excuse me,uh... what is this book? Man: A Season For Peaches. It's the bestseller from France.English translation came in today. Taylor: Okay,what's it about? Man: Kind of like,Bridges of Madison County meets The Notebook meets ...prn. Taylor: Oh,my God.Plot,please. Man: Uh,this Frenchman seduces this young American girl and then they get married. I can't remember where. Taylor: His family's chapel in gn. Man: Oh,so you read it. Taylor: No. I lived it. I'm Peaches. Generic At Cohen's Ryan: Here you go. Seth: Oh,trusty neck pillow. What did Ryan do to you? Ryan: So you're really going to Seattle? Seth: You don't want to marry a girl,you've got to ask her father's permission,Ryan. It's the polite thing to do. Ryan: Yeah,except you don't want to get married,which you could still tell her,you know. Seth: Not a chance. Ryan: So you guys are really gonna walk down the aisle because neither of you is willing to back down. Seth: This is where Dr.Roberts comes in. He rejects me,this whole game of chicken ends and I don't have to be the bad guy. Ryan: But are you positive that he's gonna say "no"? I mean,I thought you guys bonded before he left. Seth: There was some golf watching. There may have even been some sandwich eating. But deep down inside,he still sees me as the skinny 16-year-old boy trying to seduce his daughter. I just need to remind him of that. Ryan: Brilliant plan.Good luck getting rejected. Seth: Fortunately,it's something I excel at. Taylor. Taylor: Ryan,can I talk to you for just a second? Ryan: Yeah,sure. Is anything wrong? Taylor: Oh,no. Well,nothing big. A teensy little thing. So Michiko Kakatani called it "a sexual epic," which I think is a real stretch. It's already been banned in Texas,so we don't have to worry about people there reading it. I debated even telling you about this,but you know my policy- full disclosure. At Cohen's - Poolhouse Taylor: So,how are you? Okay? Ryan: Your ex-husband wrote this about you. Taylor: A novel,not a memoir. It's a big difference.Ask James Frey. It's just that things between us have been so good lately, and I wouldn't want one silly,erotic novel to change all that. So I'm gonna ask you a favor. Please don't read it. Ryan: Look,I've never read a romance novel before. Taylor: Shocker. Ryan: And I'm not gonna start now. Taylor: Thank you. I'm gonna put this away now and we will never have to talk about it again. Ryan: Until the movie comes out. Taylor: Yeah,right. Like they could make a movie about that. Maybe on DVD at the adult video store. At New Match Office Julie: What are the numbers on this guy? Spencer: Uh,six feet,190. 18% body fat. Julie: Nope.No good. You know Mrs.Jacobson,she likes her boys straight out of Muscle Beach. Okay,these two should do. Tell her she can have either at $2,500,gratuity not included. And here comes Kirsten.Go on,get out of here right now,thank you. Hi,Kiki. Kirsten: Hello,Spencer. How's your dad? Spencer: Good. Still in Dubai buying a fleet of limos or... maybe they were camels,can't remember. See ya. Kirsten: What's he doing here? Julie: Oh,he was just helping me move some furniture. Kirsten: Everything looks the same. Julie: Yeah,it looked terrible,so I had him move it back. Kirsten: Would you like me to help you return those calls? Julie: I got it. Ooh,better get this. Work,work,work. Oh,and thanks for the coffee. At Roberts' Taylor: Hello ! Summer: Hey. What do you think of updos? Taylor: Are you reading Modern Bride? Summer: As we speak,Seth is on his way to Seattle to ask my dad if he can marry me. Taylor: So,here comes the bride,I guess. Summer,do you realize what you're doing? You're about to enter into a doomed marriage. Summer: I don't know,Seth seems really committed. Look,I think I might marry him someday,so maybe there's no point in waiting. Taylor: So,living with me and the story of my divorce has taught you nothing. Summer: No offense,Taylor,but you married some French dude you knew for,like,nine seconds. This is a little different. Taylor: Okay,I see I need to get more into your wheel house if I'm gonna drive this home. What about Holly? Summer: From high school? Taylor: Yes,she got married last summer.Why don't you call her? She could give you a preview of life as a wife. Summer: Fine.Can we drop it? Taylor: Fine. Summer: A Season For Peaches. You know,I'm reading this.This is dirty. Taylor: Excuse me,the girl just has a healthy sex drive. Summer: Yeah,for a hooker. Taylor: Would you just give me that? Thank you. She's just young and confused,okay?! At Ryan's workplace Ryan: Can I get you anything else? Homme: No,I'm good. Ryan: It's not a library,you know. Sandy: Hey,Ryan. How are you today? Let's see what am I going to have. Ryan: Two shrimp tacos,Luis. Luis: Hola,Se~or Cohen. Sandy: Luis,how are you today? I tell you,ever since you started working here,it's revolutionized my lunch hour. Kirsten's reading that. Let me tell you,there is one part... Ryan: Page 47. Man,was that hot. Sandy: And in public. I thought Peaches was going to get arrested. Ryan: It's Taylor. Sandy: Who's Taylor? Ryan: Her,the book,Peaches. Man: You know her? Sandy: No,what are you talking about? It's about a girl from California who... Ryan: Yeah. Sandy: So,uh... have you read it? Ryan: No,and I'm not about to start.Can I get you anything else? Sandy: No.No,I'm good. Maybe a glass of water. Ryan: Great. Harbour Kaitlin: I just don't see how they fit in the voting boxes. Will: Come on,these women sacrificed their life so you can vote. Kaitlin: Maybe they should've sacrificed some cheeseburgers. I'm kidding. Just ask me some questions. Will: What happened in 1848? Kaitlin: The first women's rights convention. Will: And... Kaitlin: Elizabeth Cady Stanton read the Declaration of Sentiments, which proclaimed that men and women were created equal. Will: All right,that's good. That was awesome. Kaitlin: I'm gonna rock that test That's thanks to you for helping me study. Will: All right,I'll see you in class. Kaitlin: Wait. What are you doing tomorrow night? Will: You asking me out? Kaitlin: Are you saying yes? Will: You go first. Kaitlin: Okay. You're cordially invited to hang out at my house. With me. Will: Well,I accept your invitation. Eric: Nice book,professor. Brad: Yeah,professor. Will: Real funny,guys. See you later. Brad: Man,that guy is like the professor of dorkonomics. Eric: He should teach Dorkology 101. He's not even a dork. Brad: He doesn't surf and he doesn't play water polo. Eric: Yeah,ergo,dorko. Brad: Do you like him? Kaitlin: You shut up before I vomit on you. Eric: What's wrong with this chick's hair? Brad: Gruesome. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Holly: Oh,my God,look how ripped my arms are. Summer: I'm so sorry I missed your wedding. Holly: Whatev-skis. You dropped off the radar when you started dating Seth. Summer: Yeah. You know,Holly,when you were engaged,were you totally sure that you wanted to get married? Holly: Oh,my God,totally,bitch. You are going to love being a wife. You work out in the morning,meet the girls for lunch,and then we shop all day. Summer: So there's,like,a whole crew of you guys? Holly: We call ourselves the Newpsie-weds. Can you even handle how cute that is? Well,you'd better,because you're meeting us all at lunch tomorrow. Summer: Yeah. You know,it'd be nice to have a bunch of friends again. Holly: Oh,my God,look what I just did. So cute,I want to barf. "Hi,Mom." Summer: No. Holly: "Hi,Mom." Summer: No. At the bookstore Ryan: Bad idea. Man: The reading's over,but if you want your book signed,the author's still here. Ryan: I'm sorry,what? Homme: You may have to wait in line. Henri-Michel: Ah,that won't be necessary. Now... who shall I make it out to?A girlfriend,perhaps? What is her name? Ryan: Taylor. Poolhouse Taylor: Ryan,you in there? You know,I called you at work last night and,um,then at home,but I guess you must have been really tired. Oh,no... Ryan: Hey. Taylor: Did you read it? Ryan: Yeah. Taylor: All of it? Ryan: Uh-huh. Taylor: Oh,God. But I thought you said you... Ryan: Met your ex-husband last night. He was at the bookstore doing a reading. Taylor: Wait.You met Henri-Michel?How did you know it was him? Ryan: Dirty hair,scarf smells like brie. Taylor: That's Henri-Michel. I just can't believe this.I mean,did you read every page,even... Ryan: Page 47,yeah. Taylor: Okay,Ryan,even if I was that limber,you know I would never do that in the Chunnel. Ryan: I get that it's not true,and,uh, you know,I'm sorry that I read it after I promised I wouldn't,but seeing the guy in the flesh... Taylor: Okay,but where does this leave us because you can't even really look me in the eyes,so that's not a great sign. Ryan: I don't know,I... I got to shower and get to work. Seattle Seth: So you're liking it up here? Neil: Seriously? Seth: Seriously. Neil: I love it. It's good to see you,Seth. Seth: Good,'cause what I wanted to talk to you about is actually kind of a big deal. Neil: I thought we're going to play golf. Seth: Um,I'm actually up here for something else. Neil: Okay,step into my office.What's on your mind? Seth: Oh,you know,just thinking about marrying your daughter. Neil: You want to marry Summer? Seth: Marry,tie the knot,get hitched; whatever the kids are calling it these days. Neil: Why on Earth would you want to do such a thing? Seth: Well,the median age of married couples is getting increasingly higher, so Summer and I have decided to buck the trend. When the world zigs,we're gonna zag. Neil: That's your reason? Seth: I said the zig,then the zag,so... Yeah,pretty much. Neil: Well,let's back up. Do you love my daughter? Seth: Well,she's cool,right? And,uh,she's pretty easy on the eyes. Neil: She's pregnant,isn't she? Seth: No. Uh,we thought for a second,but thank God,we dodged that bllet,so no. Neil: Yes. I'll be right there. I've got to go. There's a man who's been impaled by what appears to be a unicorn, Seth: Unicorns... Neil: but our conversation's going to continue. We'll talk about this on my rounds tomorrow. Seth: So does this mean I have your blessing? They do exist. Motel Taylor: Henri? Henri-Michel: Too late,it's gone. Taylor: Henri,it's me. Henri-Michel: Peaches,you have come. I see I'm in the doghouse. Taylor: Henri,these places come with bathtubs. Henri-Michel: Bathing is for the bourgeois. Now,tell me,Peaches,how have I offended you? Taylor: It wasn't enough that you had to write a book about me,you had to come to my hometown,too? Henri-Michel: You think I want to be here? This constant sunshine is so banal. Look at them down there,so clean,so passionless. No,I am only here to promote my book. Taylor: Good,because if you think for one second that this little trip of yours is going to send me scurrying back to France... Henri-Michel: Maisnon.No,no. As they say in your country,"That ship has sailed. I see,though,that I'm still have the power to disturb you,yes? Taylor: What?No,no,stop that! I just came here to tell you something. I'm with someone now. Henri-Michel: Ah,oui,I met him last night. He seemed to roll with it as you say. Taylor: Yeah,well,he didn't. And if I lose him 'cause of your stupid book... Henri-Michel: Oh,Peaches. Peaches,I cannot stand to see you sad. What if he really got to know me,hmm? He would see that I am not nearly as thrat as the fireball of passion he knows from the page, and that I have no intention of stealing back my Peaches, though they are looking ripe today. Taylor: Hey,up here! So,okay,what are you saying there? You're saying that,what,the three of us should go on a date? Henri-Michel: Precisement. Peaches,I know I wronged you by writing this book. Let me repay this debt by mending the rift with you and your corn-fed farm boy,hmm? Now don't move. The light. At New Match Office Julie: I apologize about the last guy,Mrs.Jacobson. This one will have his back waxed,I promise. Two cases of toner will be fine.Thanks. Copy machine's acting up again. Kirsten: It was working five minutes ago. Julie: That's what's so frustrating. Kirsten: Julie,we need to talk. Ever since bllet's New Year's Eve party when all of our clients wound up with those young guys... Julie: How funny was that? Kirsten: you've been acting jumpy. Julie: Overworked? 'Cause that's all it is. I really love my job. Kirsten: I know you do. Julie: Which is why I don't want to see you jeopardize it. I need to get that. New Match,Julie Cooper speaking. Hi.Yes. Yes,of course. Okay,uh-huh.I'll see you.Bye. That was my lunch date. I'm sorry.We'll have to talk later. I'll see you,okay? Kirsten: Okay. Yatch Club Summer: Ready,Pancakes? Holly: Summer,you came! Summer: Hi. I hope I'm wearing the right clothes. Holly: You're not. You are way too cute. Hold on right here and I'll introduce you to the girls. Hos,this is Summer Roberts. She just got engaged. Summer: Nice to meet you,too. Holly: Summer,this is Bryn and this is Liza. Oh,you're just in time for a toast. To the newest Newpsie-wed,Summer Roberts. Summer: Oh,thanks. Bottoms up. At Ryan's workplace Man: Hey,listen to this part. I hoisted her onto the stack of hay and manfully... Ryan: Listen,buddy,there's a lot of... Taylor: Come on,Taylor,you can do this. He likes you,you like him,he doesn't think you're a big fat divorcee whore. Hi. Ryan: Hi. Taylor: I was just trying to decide between a burrito or a taco. Taco,burrito,big decision. Ryan: So you weren't trying to psych yourself up to come talk to me? Taylor: No,of course not.Yeah,kind of. Ryan: Taylor,look,it's,it's fine.I'll get over it. Taylor: Really? Ryan: Yeah,just give me some time. Taylor: Okay,well,there's something that might help speed the healing process. Yatch club Holly: Cheers,ladies. Summer: Seriously,though,I am so using the champagne fountain. Brynn: And what about your colors? Have you decided? Summer: No,'cause that's what we're gonna be doing at my house tomorrow night. Am I right,bitches? Holly: But,seriously,they feel just like real boobs. Let's cheers to that. Summer: You know what? I am so down for that juice fast. Holly: I told Brent that for Christmas,all I want is an African baby. Summer: African babies. Holly: I love them. Summer: Mm-hmm. Where's the waiter?I need me some more champy. Hey,mama needs some more bubbly. Che: How can I help you,ma'am? Summer: Jay? Che: Did you need something? Holly: She wants some more champs,yo. Summer,Huh? you okay? Summer: Yeah,just bring on the bubbly. At Roberts' Kaitlin: And the best part,these cops,they really are that stupid. Will: You really want to watch this? Kaitlin: Are you kidding ? It's my favorite show. You can't make this stuff up. Julie: Kaitlin,have you seen my cell? Oh,I didn't know you had a friend over. Kaitlin: Mom,Will. Will,this is my mother. Will: Nice to meet you,Mrs.Cooper. Julie: Nice to meet you,Will. Well,I wish I could stay and talk some more but I'm gonna go look for my phone at the office. You two look cute together. Kaitlin: Mom... Julie: Enjoy your date. Kaitlin: It's not a date. Julie: Have fun. Will: Why did you say it wasn't a date? Kaitlin: It's not like dinner and a movie or anything. Will: Well,we just had dinner,and after this crappy show goes off,we can watch a movie. Kaitlin: Well,you got me there. Will: So,if this is how you act with your mom,how are you gonna act at school? Kaitlin: Let's just watch this show. That cop,he just drove a car into a meth lab. That's hilarious. Will: I didn't think it was that funny. Kaitlin: Well,maybe it's 'cause you're not high. Do you want to smoke up? WIll: I think I'm gonna go. I thought the way you are at school was all just an act. Kaitlin: What are you saying? Will: Guess I was wrong. Yatch club Henri-Michel: Levy publishes an inane article accusing me of being a post-structuralist. Taylor: Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.Am I right? Ryan: So,what are,what are your plans in Newport? Henri-Michel: Well,I have been searching for even a nibble of culture, but I think I must give up. I only have one more commitment before I leave. Tomorrow,I appear on your favorite show,Ja Pense. Taylor: Wait.Ja Pense is coming to Newport? Ryan: What is Ja Pense? Taylor: It's this literary talk show. It's kind of like a French Charlie Rose,but with less interrupting. Henri-Michel: They wish to do a field piece on the city that gave birth to Peaches. They asked if you would appear... Taylor: Oh,no,no,Henri,I said the last time was my farewell appearance. Ryan: The last time? You used to go on a French talk show? Taylor: Just a handful of times,though. My favorite had to be that one roundtable we had Anäis Nin's bisexuality. Things got heat-ed. Henri-Michel: Oh,that reminds me,my publisher want to do a translation of Nin's erotic poetry. Of course,I recommended you. Taylor: You... Me? Seriously? Henri-Michel: Of course. Don't you think Taylor would be an inspired choice? Ryan: I don't,I don't know... Nin's poetry. Henri-Michel: People say it's prn. but it is really just deeply,deeply sexual. And Taylor understands Nin like no other. What was that poem you translated to amuse yourself? Taylor: Oh,mm. "And the day came "where the risk remained tight "in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. " C'est tres beau,{a. Ryan: Well,I'm exhausted. Uh,would you give Taylor a ride home? Henri-Michel: Great.Good night. Taylor: Ryan? *** Taylor: Ryan! Wait! Ryan,what's wrong? Ryan: Nothing. It's just,we've been in there four hours. First course,second course,cheese course... Taylor: And you couldn't stop imagining it,right? Me with him,page 47. Ryan,I thought you said you were okay with this? Ryan: I guess I'm not. I'm sorry. Taylor: Ryan... Ryan! At Cohen's - In the kitchen Sandy: I'm gonna be in court all day,so don't bother holding any of those shrimp tacos for me. Tell me you are not reading that book about Taylor. French philosophy at 7:00 in the morning. Ryan: Okay,I'll bite. I read the book,Taylor's book. Sandy: So you must be feeling... Ryan: I'm not freaked out. Sandy: Even page 47? Ryan: No,no,I mean,I was,right? But then,uh,last night we,uh,we went out with her ex. And you know,it was all art and philosophy and how she used to go on that French talk show. And you know that part in the book where she goes out to dinner with Jacques Chirac? That's actually true. Sandy; Oh,so you're thinking "How can this kid from Chino be hanging out with that crowd?" Ryan: Pretty much. Sandy: Well,listen,I don't know anything about the world of French intellectuals, but I do know Taylor Townsend,and seems to me,she thinks you are pretty terrific. So just talk to her. Or you can sit here,reading your Sartre. Ryan: I'll talk to her. Sandy: Good. Hey,you know who else the French love? Jerry Lewis. Ryan: Really? Sandy: Hey,lady! G'bye! At Roberts' Julie: Hey,babe,how was your date last night? Kaitlin: I already told you,it wasn't a date. Julie: Why not?Will seems nice and very cute. Kaitlin: He is,he's a major dork. Julie: You like him. Kaitlin: No,I don't. Julie: Oh,my God,you really,really like him. Kaitlin: Oh,my God!No,I don't. Julie: You think he's dorkalicious. Kaitlin: Stop it. Julie: You want his big dorky arms wrapped around you while he gives you big dorky kisses. Kaitlin: Mom,I'm your child. Julie: Sorry. Kaitlin: And even if I did like him,which I don't,it doesn't matter 'cause I screwed up,and he doesn't like me anyway. Julie: Whatever it is you did,I'm sure you'll fix it. At the very least,you have to try. Kaitlin: What are you doing,anyway? Julie: My cell phone wasn't at the office. Kaitlin: So you think it's in the frying pan? Julie: I've checked everywhere else,and I just really need it,okay? Kaitlin: Okay. At Cohen's Kirsten: Oh,hello,I'm calling for Julie Cooper. I'm just confirming the details of your date tonight. That's right,Four Seasons,room 321. Oh,I'm sorry,Mrs.Jacobson.8:00 isn't going to work. We're going to have to reschedule. Thank you. At Roberts' - In Taylor's bedroom Ryan: Taylor? Taylor: You don't want to come in here,Ryan. I'm reenacting page 112. Ryan: Look,I'm sorry,okay?I... I wasn't freaked out about the sex,just so you know. It was the,uh,you know,all those people you were talking about,the writers,the philosophers,people I never even heard of. I just thought it was out of our league. I just,I didn't grow up going to the opera or reading French poetry. Taylor: Ryan,you're just as smart as Henri-Michel,and I don't want you to be anyone else than who you are. Ryan: Thank you. Taylor: God,I wish I hadn't said yes. Ryan: What?What did you say yes to? Taylor: I agreed to go on Ja Pense tonight. You know,I can cancel it. Ryan: No,no,look,I want you to be who you are. In fact,I'd like to come. Taylor: Uh,okay. Ryan: Yeah? Taylor: Yeah,sure. Ryan: Now,I have a few minutes before I have to get to work. And all that talk about page 112... Taylor: Kaitlin's right downstairs. Ryan: I know,but my impression of the vicar's very quiet. It's really,you won't even hear it. Taylor: Really?Really? No.Don't,don't! Seattle Seth: So what was the deal with that unicorn? Neil: It seems the guy dressed his horse up as a unicorn for his daughter's birthday, and things went terribly awry,but it taught us all about the value of family. Seth: And speaking of family,have you decided to bless our sacred union? Neil: I've thought about your proposal,Seth,and seriously,I can't. It's not because I dislike you,Seth,but I don't think that you really appreciate Summer. Seth: What? Neil: No. Seth: Look,Dr.Roberts,with all due respect,uh, you have a lot of grounds with which to object to this admittedly harebrained idea, but if there's one thing that is undeniable,it's that I appreciate your daughter. Neil: As you made very clear yesterday when you called her "kind of cool and easy on the eyes. You got to do better than that. Seth: Well,she's hilarious,for one,and my favorite thing in the world is to make her laugh because she has a crazy honk of a laugh I think Nelson from The Simpsons... She does have a contagious laugh. Yeah,stop me before I say that she makes me a better man,but she makes me more of a man. Certainly less of a boy. I love every minute I spend with your daughter,sir.I really do. Neil: So this wasn't some goof. You really want to spend the rest of your life with her? Seth: I do,seriously. Neil: Then come talk to me after you finish college and you got a chance at supporting her. Got to go. Have a safe flight. At Roberts' Holly: So Brent and I were,like,we don't want to kll any endangered owls that live under our deck, but I really want a Jacuzzi. Summer: Oh,girl,you got to get your hot tub,right,huh? Owls... What,are you supposed to be,my conscience? Che: Maybe. Is this what you really want? Summer: Yes,it is. Lisa: Uh-oh,someone's had too much champy. Summer's talking to herself. Holly: Well,I know exactly what will snap her out of it. Lisa: Oh,my God,your dress! Holly: I know. I thought you could try it on. I was really anorexic when I wore it,not to brag. Summer: Oh,good for you. Holly: Here. Summer: Thanks. You'd better not watch me change. At the TV show Man: Hi So,you're the friend Mademoiselle Townsend? Ryan: Uh,yes,yes.What's happening? Man: They started out talking about The Season For Peaches, and now somehow,they are into Existentialism of the 21st century, the responsibility of the post-colonial age,Johnny Depp. amazing. Ryan: I like it,and I think it looks good. At Robert's - Summer's bedroom Che: Well,as far as presents go,it's very beautiful. Summer: Look,Seth is asking my dad,okay? This wedding is happening,so I need to make the best of it. Will you please stop trying to rescue me? Che: The only person who can save you,Summer,is you. Girl: Okay,A) you look ten times better than Holly; B) don't tell her that, and C) we have the most rocked-out idea for your ringbearer. Summer: Who's my ringbearer? Girl: Cute little bunny. Summer: Pancakes! Holly: Check it,Summer. We just realized that we can totally dye your bunny pink so that he'll match the bridesmaid's dresses. Isn't that so adorable,you just want to kll yourself? We're just gonna do a test run right now,aren't we,Rumples?Yes,we are! Okay... Summer: Pancakes! His name is Pancakes. Holly: Bitch,what's wrong? Summer: Everything! At the TV show Man: Good night. Je Pense! Ryan: You were amazing. Taylor: Thank you. Okay,I'm gonna go say good-bye,then I'll be right back. Ryan: Okay,all right. Taylor: Okay. Henri-Michel: And Ryan,what did you think? Ryan: I thought you guys were great,not that I understood a word of it. Henri-Michel: We're going to celebrate with some Pinot Noir,and I would love to pick your brain on David Hume. Ryan: Sounds great.Who's David Hume? Henri-Michel: Good question. I'm sure you ask yourself this every day. Last night after you left,Taylor told me of your studies, the series of articles you wrote on the origins of skepticism. For the Vienna Journal? Maybe one day they will be expounded into a book. After I heard about your research,traveling to Humes' personal archives in Edinburgh,even I was impressed. Ryan: I'm sure you were *** Man: I'm gonna to try it. Taylor: Yeah. Ryan: Can I talk to you a second? Taylor: Yeah. Excuse me. Thank you.I couldn't get out of there. Ryan: Why did you tell him I was writing a book? Taylor: What? Ryan: You couldn't tell him the truth,that I work in a Mexican restaurant? Taylor: Okay,Ryan,what did you expect me to do? Because you said about three words all night and then you just ran away. Henri asked me if you were on medication. Ryan: Oh,so now you care about his opinion? Taylor: Yes.Yes,I do. Because I could see him sitting there judging you and I hated it. I just wanted him to know how smart you were. And maybe it was the wrong thing to do,but the story just kind of came spilling out of me. Ryan: All right,okay,you lied to make me look good- I get that- but the thing is,I think part of you wishes it were true. Taylor: No,Ryan,please,I just want you to be yourself. Ryan: Taylor... I don't know,I... I think this is what we've known from the beginning. Taylor: What?What's that? Ryan: We're different. Taylor: So what?Everyone's different. It's what makes the world beautiful. Right? Okay,Ryan,I'm sorry. What do you want me to do to make it better? Ryan: I think I should go. Motel Man: Ms.Jacobson? At Roberts' Julie: Hello? Spencer. No,I didn't get any of your messages. My cell phone's been MIA for two days now. I'm retracing my steps. What do you mean Mrs.Jacobson got canceled on? What...what partner? Oh,my God. Motel Man: Good champagne. Sure you don't want any? Kirsten: Uh,no,thank you. Man: Well... shall we get down to business? Kirsten: Uh,actually,Ken... I'm new at this. Could you walk me through it? Man: Step one: you put the money on the night stand. Step two: we get nasty. Or nice,depending on your taste. I thought Julie told you all the rules. Kirsten: She did. I just thought... Would you excuse me?I,uh.. I left some toys in-in-in my car. I'll be right back. Man: Toys? Sweet. Harbour Will: Hey,man,that looks good on you. Man: I like the red one. Will: Trust me,that's a woman's coat. Kaitlin: Hey. I just came to clear a few things up. I like you,okay? Will: Okay. Kaitlin: Maybe I messed things up so you can't like me back. But I just wanted you to know that. You don't. Will: No,no,I do,it's just... Kaitlin: Stupid winter clothing drive. Will: You may not know this,but there are homeless people that live in Newport. Kaitlin: Really? Hi,Darryl. Hi,Bill. Darryl: Hey,Kaitlin. Bill: Hey,Kaitlin. Will: Hey,what you do say I give you a call when I leave here? Kaitlin: Okay. Just can't believe this winter clothing drive is salting my game. At New Match Office Julie: Kirsten,I can explain. Kirsten: That you've been running a prostitution ring through our business. Julie: It... it just...it just happened. Kirsten: There are dozens of names here. Hercules,Commander Snake... Julie: Kirsten,I am so sorry,but I promise... Kirsten: I have known you a long time,Julie. This isn't just a matter of cloudy judgment and questionable morals. It's breaking federal law. Julie: I understand. I do. And I deeply,deeply regret it,but if we just quit now,we can act like it never happened. Kirsten: I wish I could. I want you out of here by Monday. Julie: Kirsten,please. Kirsten: I'm going to do you one more favor. I'm not going to call the police and I'm not going to tell Sandy. You're on your own. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Summer: Hello? Che: Caterpillar,it's me. Summer: You're calling me now? Look,I already sent them all home.Isn't that enough? Che: What are you talking about? Summer: Wait,where are you? Che: I'm in my dorm room. Summer,I've been doing some out-of-body work. I had a vision of you surrounded by owls in a white dress, and Summer,the owls,they were crying for you. Summer: God,I'm okay now. I just...kind of got engaged. Che: That's amazing. I'll weave you guys something ASAP. Summer: Jay,I'm so confused. I don't know what I want. Che: Summer,in order for two halves to be whole,each half must be whole on its own. That is really true. Che: I'm gonna sing you a song. * Moon,stars are above you... * At Cohen's Sandy: Oh,man sitting by himself in the dark. It's not a good sign. Are you okay? Ryan: I've been better. I don't know what's going on with me and Taylor. I think maybe we're just too different. Sandy: You said that like it's a bad thing. Look at Kirsten and me. Ryan: Right. Well,you know,you guys have your own rhythm. Sandy: Well,yeah,it took years to figure that out. I love Kirsten dearly,and-and... and still it gets complicated. Ryan: So how do you know you know,whether you're good,different or just... Sandy: From opposite planets? Ryan: Right. Sandy: At the end of the day,you either focus on what separates you or you focus on what holds you together. And it's up to you. At Robert's - Summer's bedroom Seth: Hey,stranger. Summer: Hi. How was Seattle? Seth: It was good,good. Summer: Yeah? Seth: Yeah. Summer: How was my dad when you asked him? Cold,warm,lukewarm? Seth: Well,he did not give us permission to get married,at least for the next few years. Summer: damn. Seth: Yeah. Okay,well,uh,here's,here's the deal. I went up there,knowing your dad would say no and that I could get out of this, but I realized I don't want out. I want in with you. forever,you know? So,I think we should stay engaged. It doesn't have to be today,but... someday. Summer: Seth,I realized something,too,while you were gone. It turns out I have no idea who I am. In the past few months,I went from being a hard-core environmentalist to a Newpsie-wed in training. Seth: You're a Newpsie? Summer: For 48 hours. The point is,I don't think that you can be with someone until you can be with yourself. I think it's something I need to figure out. Seth: Oh,that sounds like a... Summer: I guess it's a no. I'm sorry. Seth: Well,I think I'm gonna... Summer: I'm going to see you tomorrow,okay? Seth: Okay. Summer: Hey... you should take this... because we might need it someday. Please,don't be sad,Peaches. At the TV show Henri-Michel: Taylor,I'm... What is it? Taylor: Nothing.It's just...thought... Nothing...You know,it's getting late,Henri,so I should go. Henri-Michel: Stay a little longer... please? Taylor: Okay. End of the episode.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x10 - The French Connection"}	foreverdreaming
At Cohen's Seth: Dude, I asked the girl to marry me. Ryan: Yeah, and she said no. It's not like she broke up with you. Seth: That would have been better. Someone says they don't want to marry you, you're supposed to break up. Now we got to keep on dating like everything is normal, when there's this gi-normous... Elephant in the room. Ryan: Yeah, there's an elephant? Seth: Yeah, the "I don't want to marry you" elephant. Ryan: All right, look. There's no elephant, and there's no breakup. At Roberts' Taylor: It's a breakup. How else do you explain, 17 unreturned phone calls? Summer: Seventeen? Taylor: The first 12 were apologies for that stupid lie I told Henri about Ryan. And after that, it was just kind of a blur. Sooner or later, he has to call me back, right? At Cohen's Ryan: I'll call her when I'm ready. Seth: What? Ryan: She lied to me about, her French ex-husband. Seth: And she also apologized. Taylor doesn't respond well to neglect, man. You should call her. Ryan: Yeah? Maybe you should call Summer. At Robert's Taylor: Is that Seth? Summer: Che. I'll call him back. He's flying here. He was feeling weird Seth vibes. Taylor: All the way from Rhode Island? Summer; Che transcends space and time. Ryan? Taylor: No, Henri-Michel. Summer: God, Frenchie's really putting on the full-court press,huh? Taylor: Yeah. Nothing's happened yet, though. I keep telling him I've got a boyfriend. Even though, technically, I guess I don't anymore. Summer: You know, I think Ryan's just waiting for Henri to go back to the motherland. At Cohen's Ryan: She said in her message he's still in town. Until he leaves, we can't have a real conversation. Seth: I don't get it, when is he leaving? At Roberts' Taylor: That's just it, he's not leaving. He's renting a house in Newport, and he asked me to move in with him. Summer: What? You're not considering it, are you? Taylor: It's just that I've been mooching off of you and Julie for months now, and I've lived with Henri-Michel before, and he's really not a bad roommate, you know, aside from his natural odor and... I don't know, maybe I can force myself to fall in love with him. Summer: Why would you want to do that? Taylor: Because I'm going to need some help getting over Ryan. Summer: They're going to call. At Cohen's Ryan: Maybe we should call. At Roberts' Taylor: They're going to call. Right? Generic At Ryan's workplace Summer: Atwood. Ryan: Hey, Roberts. Summer: Hey, look, I'm sorry to bother you at work, but I just really needed to talk to you. Ryan: Oh, no macho nacho supreme? Summer: No. Ryan: Are you sure? It's really good. Summer: How's Seth? See, I kind of turned down his proposal and never heard from him again. Ryan: Proposal? That's the first time I'm hearing about it. Summer: Right. For a week now, Seth has been off the map. You expect me to believe that not once did he mention anything about a proposal going awry? Ryan: Right, well, he had pinkeye. Summer: Pinkeye? Did you have pinkeye, too? Ryan: What? Why? Summer: Well, 'cause Taylor said she didn't hear from you either, and she was asking about you. Ryan: Well, see, that was 'cause I was, I was helping him with his recovery. And waiting for Henri-Michel to leave. Summer: Actually, I don't really mean to be the bearer of bad news, but he's looking for a house to rent in Newport. Ryan: Great. At Roberts' Seth: Summer? Hey, Che, what are you doing here? Che: Tai Chi. The soft and pliable willdestroy, the hard and strong. Seth: I guess I meant what are you doing in Summer's living room? Che: I'm here for you. Seth: Fig? Che: Did you know that figs are nature's biological response modifiers? And since I know that you're ailing spiritually... Seth: What? Che: Come on, man, you can't lie to me. I can see your aura. Besides, Summer told me she rejected your proposal. Seth: Well... Che: When she hadn't heard from you in a while, she got pretty worried. Seth: Yeah. No, that was just my sciatica acting up. Che: Seth, you put something out into the universe, and you didn't get it back. I mean, I really can't imagine what a blow that must have been to your male animus. You've been emasculated. Seth: My masculinity is intact. Che: Look, you and Summer revealed my hypocrisy, man. You saved me, so I hear that you're hurting, I just want to come and try to save you. Seth: Thank you, but, you know, I'm good. I'm very good. Summer: Hey. Seth: Summer. Hi. Summer: Your pinkeye is all clear. Seth: Pinkeye? Summer: Yeah. The reason why I haven't heard from you. I talked to Ryan. Che: It was his sciatica. Seth: Yeah, when it gets in your eye, it goes, it goes pink. I'm great. Summer: You are? Che: Are you? Seth: Yes. Summer: Good. 'Cause I missed you. Tonight, we are going to have a date. Seth: Hey, a date sounds perfect. Summer: A romantic date. Seth: Aren't they all, Summer? Aren't they all? High fives all around. High fives...all around. Seriously, I'm good. eI'll see you tonight for this date. Che: Uh, perhaps I was wrong. Seth is actually stronger than we thought. Summer: I wouldn't leave town just yet. At the restaurant Taylor: There's lots of closet space. Plenty of room for your pants. Each pair could have its own walk-in. Henri-Michel: What is this American obsession with closets? It's a capitalist conspiracy to hide what you own so you will buy more? Or does it have to do with sex? Taylor: Henri, are you sure you really want to move here? Henri-Michel: I will do whatever it takes to win back your love, Peaches. Taylor: You see, that is very brave of you. You're really putting yourself out there. You're really taking an emotional risk. Unlike some people. Henri-Michel: Still have not heard from Ryan? Taylor: No, and you would think that he would at least have the decency to dump me on the phone. But it's fine, though. I'm fine, because Ryan and I were never really going to work, anyway. He doesn't even like cheese. Henri-Michel: I must admit, I feel for him. I know the excruciating pain of living without you. And a life without cheese, well... Taylor: You know, it's probably good that you came back when you did, before Ryan and I got any more serious. Henri-Michel: I know it is good for me. Je t'aime, Peaches. Taylor: Oh, no, no. Henri, you don't have to say that. Henri-Michel: But I love to say that, because it is the truth. I will say it a thousand times, if you like. Taylor: Wow, That's uh, okay, yeah, say it a thousand times. Henri-Michel: I love you, un. I love you, deux. I love you trois. Harbour Kaitlin: Look, I got my first non-cheating A. Your tutoring is really paying off. Will: Kind of weird, since we barely studied last night. Kaitlin: Yeah, I guess you can learn chemistry from making out. I actually did some studying after you left. I guess your work ethic is kind of contagious. Let's see what else I can catch. Um, why is this girl staring at me? Will: I don't know. Lucy: Hi, Will. Your solo at practice this morning was so amazing. Will: Thanks. Um, Lucy, this is Kaitlin. Kaitlin, this is Lucy. She's in band with me. Kaitlin: No kidding. Lucy: You still in for Friday night? Will: Yeah, sure, I'll be there. Lucy: Great, I can't wait. Kaitlin: What's Friday night? Lucy: We're having a bake sale in the student lounge, to raise money for new uniforms. Will and I are manning the Rice Krispy treats table. See you later, Will. I'm going to go practice my scales. Will: All right. You should come, it'll be fun. Kaitlin: Band geeks and baking goods. Definitely sounds like the feel-good ht of the year. Will: Well, maybe we can do something after. Kaitlin: Well, I do have a Latin test coming up. Maybe you can help me study. Will: All right. Um, well, I guess I'll see you a little later. NewMatch Office Kirsten: New Match. Julie: Hi, Kiki, don't hang up. Kirsten: You turn our businessinto a prostitution ring, and you get hung up on company policy. New Match. Julie: Did you at least get my cookie bouquet? Kirsten: I'm allergic to chocolate. Julie: No, you're not. Kirsten: Then I'm allergic to you. Julie: Just tell me how long you're gonna be mad at me about this. Kirsten: You're kidding, right? Julie: Kirsten, our friendship can't just end like this. There must be something I can do. Kirsten: If you'll excuse me, I have a legitimate business to run and that doesn't involve hookers. At Roberts' Kaitlin: Ryan. Finally. Ryan: Is Taylor in? Kaitlin: You know, she's been asking about you every day this week. Ryan: I'm here now. Kaitlin: She's not. Try the Four Seasons. Ryan: Where her French ex-husband is staying? All right, I guess I can head over there. Kaitlin: So what did you end up getting her? Ryan: Huh? Kaitlin: Don't tell me you came with no gift. Ryan: I don't need a gift. Kaitlin: Ryan, Pep Le Pew is buying her a house. Ryan: She's moving in with him? Kaitlin: You honestly got her nothing? I mean, you couldn't have gone to the Quickie Mart to get her a stuffed animal and some gummy bears? Ryan: Gummy bears. Kaitlin: Talk is cheap, Ryan. If you're going toe-to-toe with this Frenchie, you're going to need to step your game up. Ryan: I can't believe I'm getting advice from a 15-year-old. Kaitlin: A 15-year-old who's right. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Seth: Okay, so the big date's in your bedroom? Summer: Uh, yeah. Seth: You saved some money on gas. Summer: Ryan lent me some videogames. There's Thai takeout and some of your favorite whiny records. And... I still really love you. But, I hope we get married someday, I'm just not ready now. Seth: Hey, forget the whole thing ever happened. I know I have. Summer: I don't want to forget about it. What you did was amazing. It was so sweet. The words you said and how sincere you were when you said them. And the glow-in-the-dark ring, it was so cute. Seth: Yeah, it's so hot in here. Summer: Yeah, that's a good thing. Seth: No, I, I think the...air conditioning is broken or something, maybe. Summer: It's winter. Seth: I'm going to go get a glass of water. Do you want anything? Summer: No. Seth: No water? Summer: Seth. At Roberts - In the living room Seth: Hey, Che. Che: Seth. Hey. You look... Seth: Not good, I know. So, the thing you said about my animus... Che: I was right, wasn't I? See, 'cause the flesh can lie but the aura never does. It's been eating at you, little buddy, I can tell. Seth: And you can fix me? Che: That's what I do. Tomorow morning, we're gonna let the healing begin. ** Summer: Hey, Seth, it's me. Just calling to see how you're feeling. Hope that crazy 24-hour flu thing cleared up. And, uh... also I don't believe that you have the flu. Okay, bye. Che (Summer is reading the letter): Dear Caterpillar, Last night, Seth came to me for help. I'm taking him to the forest. He needs to pick up the sword and embrace his inner warrior. Only by running with the wolves shall he learn to walk like a man. In the forest Seth: Are you sure I don't need to bring my phone? It's got GPS. What if we get lost? Che: No, you don't need anything. Seth: What about a jacket? What if it's cold? All we need is my harmonica, got it, your broken spirit, and these giant backpacks. I will help your soul mate find himself. But where are you, Summer Bear? Where is the Iron Butterfly who once inspired me so? As we had into the trees, perhaps you need to find your own path. Peace and Love, Che. At Roberts' Summer: Oh, Crap. Motel Henri-Michel: Ryan. Entre. So, you are here to bat me up. I warn you, my family is hemophilic, I will bleed. Ryan: I'm actually looking for Taylor. Kaitlin told me she was hanging out here. But if she's not around... Henri-Michel: I was kidding. You are welcome. Can I get you some coffee? It tastes like urine, but apparently that is how you Americans drink it. You mind me asking when she's gonna be back? Ah, she is shopping for furniture. We move in to our new house on Monday. Ryan: Monday? All right, well, look. If you could just, um, tell her I stopped by. Henri-Michel: Stop. What is that in your hand? Ryan: Uh? It's noth...it's stupid. Henri-Michel: It's not stupid. It's a teddy bear. what is in his mug? Ryan: Gummy bears. Henri-Michel: Ah, how amusing. It is for Taylor? Ryan: Yeah. Henri-Michel: Well, I will deliver it to her. It's a tad juvenile but it is from the heart and that is what matters. Ryan: You know what? No, it's fine. Really, it's from the Quickie Mart and... Henri-Michel: Stop being modest. I'm not afraid of a little competition, Ryan. Ryan: It is more fulfilling if Taylor chooses me in spite of you wanting her back. Henri-Michel: Well, that's comforting. Now, I feel a poem coming. Ryan: All right. NewMatch Office Kirsten: Hello? Spencer: Hey, Kirsten, it's Spencer. Is Julie there? Kirsten: She doesn't work here anymore, Spencer. You should call her at home. Spencer: I can't, I'm in Mexico about to get on a boat. But we have a problem. Kirsten: What problem could we possibly have? Spencer: One of my boys, Chaz, called me last night and, uh, turns out he has chlamydia. Kirsyen: What? Spencer: Yeah, so you're probably gonna want to cal and tell everyone he slept with. Kirsten: I most certainly will not. It's up to you and Julie. Spencer: Hey, I'm out of the country. And, you know, you just told me that Julie doesn't work there anymore, so...good luck ! Julie has the list. Bye. Harbour Girl: Isn't that her? Lucy: Yeah. I've been looking for you. Kaitlin: Oh, hi friend of Will's. Nice hat. Lucy: Listen, skank. Kaitlin: What'd you just call me? Lucy: If you show up at our bake sale, I'll kick your face in. Kaitlin: I'd definitely like to see that happen. Lucy: I happen to be a brown belt in Tae Kwon Do. Kaitlin: And I happen to be going to second with the guy that you like. Go. Now. Before the Munchkins ask for their mayor back. Lucy: If we see your face tomorrow, you will regret it. Kaitlin: What, you going to blow your little trumpet at me until I cry? You know, I was thinking about doing something fun tomorrow night. But now I think I will go to your little geek fest and buy some brownies. Hotel Henri-Michel: Bonjour Pêche. Taylor: I am exhausted. If I have to look at one more mid-Century sofa, I'm going to kll somebody. Henri-Michel: Well, you should have a nap. Perhaps we both should. Taylor: Yeah, it's just, you know, I saw this special on hotel rooms, and they search them with UV lights and, gah, you don't want to know. Henri-Michel: Oh, you Americansand your germs. By the way, Ryan... brought this for you today. He is not a classic romantic to be sure, but, uh, the bear has a sweet smile, hmm? It must make you feel something. Touched? Nostalgic? Taylor: You know what this makes me feel? This makes me feel... nothing. Now tell me again why you love me. Henri-Michel: But then I would have nothing left for my poetry reading tomorrow. At the restaurant Julie: Kiki, you're calling me. Kirsten: I'm delivering a message. Spencer called. It seems that one of your whores, Chaz, has chlamydia. Julie: Chlamydia, ooh, that's rough. Kirsten: Well, all the women that this guy slept with is going to have to be informed. Spencer says you have a list. Julie: Yes, of course. I'll drop it off tomorrow. Kirsten: Drop it off? Julie, I am not doing this. You're going to have to tell them. Julie: Well, Kirsten, I'd love to, but I kind of don't work at New Match anymore. Kirsten: Oh, no, no, no. You are not making this my responsibility. Julie: How about a compromise? Kirsten: I'm listening. Julie: We do it together. Kirsten: I'm not facing those women. Julie: I'll do the talking, you drive. Kirsten: And how come you can't drive? Julie: Oh, I'm sorry, do you want to do the talking? It was our company. You're liable. Kirsten: I'll pick you up in the morning. Julie: I'll find my little black book. At Roberts' Summer: Come on, Taylor, I need you to come over. Because I am making dinner. A gourmet dinner. And I know you, more than anyone appreciate fine food. What am I making? I am making quail and some caviar. Maybe even a soufflé. That is not over my head, okay? For your information, I recently made a brisket and it was delightful. Okay, great, I will see you soon. Bye. Ryan: So she's coming. Summer: Now you're going to tell me why I just had to lie to my friend? Ryan: Uh, because I need to see her. Summer: Because? Ryan: I need to tell her how I feel. Summer: Mm-hmm. Ryan: What? Summer: Nothing. You just don't really strike me as the coffee cart type. Ryan: And what does that mean? Summer: Look, I'm sure you have changed being with Taylor made you more expressive, but articulating your feelings to your girlfriend kind of a challenge. Ryan: Yeah, but if I don't make some sort of declaration... Summer: You might lose her. Okay, you just need to take a deep breath, look inside and say what's from your heart. Ryan: I can do that. Summer: Good. One more thing. Ryan: Yeah? Summer: Taylor has a super big heart, and she's super forgiving, but, uh, there is a French guy circling like a great white shark. Ryan: Okay, you're just reminding me of the stakes. Summer: No. I'm giving you advice because you're my friend and I really want you to work this out. Ryan: All right, I'm listening, I'm listening. Summer: Do not choke. Ryan: Okay, I wasn't going to until you did that. Summer: You kind of have a wide neck. Ryan: Yeah, you got really small hands. Thanks for the advice. Summer: No problem. In the forest Seth: Are we almost there yet? Che: Why is everything a destination? Do the fish care where they swim each day? Seth: Uh, actually, I think they do. You still haven't told me what we're doing here. Che: Seth, relax. Smell the trees. Let the oxygen clean your blood. Seth: Boy, I sure feel better. Can we go back now? We've been hiking for hours. I'm exhausted and I'm starving and my ass is cramping up. Che: Let's get to the top of the hill. We're going to sing a song to the sunset... Seth: And then we can go home? Che: No. I think it's time I told you. Your spirit animal is trapped. Seth: What? Che: See, when a baby is born, an animal spirit enters the child in order to guide and protect him on his journey. Somehow Summer's rejection caused your spirit animal to get sick. In order to contact your animal, you must learn to live like him. To spend the night, in the forest. Ah, we're here, Seth. We've reached the sacred spot. Now, we got to build a sweat lodge. Seth: Che, look at me. We're not staying here. Where's the car? Che: The car is six hours away. I mean, if we could even find it in the dark. We have no choice but to stay here until tomorrow. Go grab some willow branches. I brought hides, buffalo, elk. Willow branches, you know what willow looks like? At Roberts' Taylor: Summer! Summer, where are you? Summer? God, you call someone, the least you can do is show up... Ryan, what are you doing here? Ryan: I had Summer call you.I'm sorry. I wanted to talk to you. Taylor: Well, it worked, weasel. What do you want? Ryan: I wanted to apologize. I made a mistake. Taylor: When? When you abandoned me, on the set of a French talk show? Or when you didn't call me for a week? Ryan: All of the above? Taylor: Well, you hurt me, Ryan. Why couldn't you just have had faith in us? Ryan: I don't know, I guess I thought we were too different. Taylor: Maybe you were right. Ryan: No, I know I wasn't. And I realize now that how we feel is much more important than what we have to talk about. Taylor: And how do you feel? Ryan: I... I... Taylor: That stuffed animal that you bought me is more expressive, Ryan. Henri-Michel is reading a poem that he wrote for me at the bookstore tomorrow night. It's a love poem Ryan, and it's long. In the forest Che: Hey, no snoozing,man. You drift off to dreamland now, this whole thing is for naught. You know, the Australian aboriginals believed... Seth:Shut up, Che. Che: Little cranky today, are we? Seth: I'm deranged. I haven't been to sleep, I haven't eaten. Che: Hey, I got to break you down before we build you back up. Now go gather rocks. At the shopping center Julie: All done. She took it pretty well. Kirsten: Excuse me. Fiona. Fiona: Hi. Kirsten: I'm really sorry to have to tell you this. One of Julie's boys... Fiona: What kind of unclean operation are you people running? You'll be hearing from my lawyer. Kirsten: Look, I understand that you're really upset, but I don't think you want to take this to court. The publicity alone... Fiona: Don't look at me. Just... Oh, my God. Julie: That was brilliant. Kirsten: You had to do one thing. Julie: I choked, I'm sorry. I promise, next person I really will tell. Or we could get our nails done. Oh, okay. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Taylor: So what do Brutus, Judas, Benedict, Arnold... Julius Rosenberg, Ethel Rosenberg, although that's debatable, and you have in common? Summer: Uh, we all did what we thought was right. Taylor: Eyes rolling. Summer: I'm sorry about yesterday, okay? But Ryan looked like a poor, sad koala bear, and I'm trying to help animals. Taylor: Yeah, why does your room look like a bird cage? Summer: Because I decided its time to get off my butt and do something with my life. I'm going to start a nonprofit. You know, I read that if you can just focus on saving one animal, you can really make an impact. Did you read this article? It's how we're giving elephants post-traumatic stress disorder. Taylor: Those poor elephants. All they want is to be cared for and nurtured and, not left on the set of a European talk show after party by their stupid, stupid... Summer: Ryan? Taylor: Yeah. And speaking of stupid, did you see the totaly Quickie Mart teddy bear that he brought me? Summer: Ryan bought you a stuffed animal? Oh, my God. Look, in all the time I've known him, I've never seen him do anything so sweet. Taylor: Never? Summer: Never. That's probably the nicest gift he's ever given. Taylor: I, uh, I should go. At the beach Sandy: You going for a run? Ryan: Yeah, I'm just trying to clear my head. Sandy: Yeah, I saw that your light was on pretty late last night. Ryan: Yeah. Yeah, I was trying to think of a good gift for Taylor. Sandy: Oh, so what did you come up with? Ryan: You know the Quickie Mart down by the pier? Sandy: Yeah? Ryan: They had a special on a bear with a mug of candy. Sandy: So you didn't quite ht it out of the park, did you? Ryan: I may have done more harm than good. Sandy: You know, it is obvious to almost everyone, that Taylor feels very strongly about you. Ryan: Well, Henri-Michel said he loved her. He wrote her a book and he's performing some poem about it. And then she asked me if I felt the same... Sandy: You couldn't say anything. Between us, how do you feel about her? Ryan: Well, being with Taylor's like being on a roller coaster. Sandy: And that's what, unsettling? Ryan: For a guy who' afraid of heights, it's not exactly the best fit, but, uh... I don't know, it's exciting I guess. Sandy: Tell her that, before it's too late. Tell her that. This is all I know. Ryan: Hmm? Sandy: A situation like this, you could do something, you could do nothing. It's as simple as that. Ryan: All right. Sandy: Do something. Ryan: Yeah, see you around. Sandy: A mug! Motel Henri-Michel: Hi, you're home. What are you doing with the refuse? Taylor: I was making sure that the maid service here is efficient. Henri-Michel: Or looking for Ryan's mug of stale candy and bear that holds a balloon? Taylor: Well, the guy did get me a gift and, the balloon was really shiny. Henri-Michel: Peaches, there is no shame in wanting to keep a gift that was bought for you by a lover. Taylor: Really? Henri-Michel: It makes one feel special to know that they were adored. Taylor: Well, I don't know if I would use the word adored exactly. Henri-Michel: But the problem lies in whether you are wanting a memento, or wanting Ryan. Taylor: I want to be with somebody who really wants to be with me, and who's not afraid to say it. Henri-Michel: Well, in that case, you better tape your socks down, because poem is going to knock them right off. I must dress. Taylor: Okay. In the forest Che: Yeah, the rocks are hot. So now we got to get them all moist and sweaty. Seth: Then we can sleep? Che: As soon as you shovel these rocks into the tent. Unless you're too weak from hunger. Seth: No, I um, actually, I found some berries down below. They were pretty tasty, so... Che: You ate the berriebe Seth: Yeah, why? Is there a problem? Che: No, dude, it's no problem. Not yet. This is all I could use at the time. I didn't have anything else. Harbour Kaitlin: He guys. Will: Oh, Kaitlin, glad you made it. Lucy: Will was just telling me a story about how he lost his drumsticks. But luckily he hy Chinese that night so he used his chopsticks. Kaitlin: Okay, well, that's definitely a knee-slapper. Will, do you mind getting me a soda? Will: Sure. You want to come? Kaitlin: Hum, actually, I'm going to stay here and talk to Lucy. Will: All right. Kaitlin: Just sur you have it clear, the only reason that I'm here is because I know you don't want me to be. So get ready to have some fun. Lucy: Oh, I'm having fun. Lots of fun. Girl: You're in our world now. Other girl: And girls like you, aren't welcome here. Kaitlin: Girls like me. What, girls who don't like wearing polyester pantsuits or baking pies earing lame feathered hats? Will: Everything okay? Lucy: Not really. Kaitlin just insulted our uniforms and called our hates lame. Will: Actually, they kind of are. Lucy: I have to go to the bathroom. In the forest Che: How are you feeling, friend? Seth: Like I'm sharing a sauna with Blue Man Group. Che: Go with it. You're it'e spirit world, man. This is the very last part of your journey. Seth: Ryan likes Journey ! Che: So of eye, light of touch, speak little... Seth's dream Seth: Dad? Mom? Che ? Che? I'm scared. Oh, I guess that's the idea. Is that you making all that noise? I can hear you. What's that, little fella? You don't feel well? That's okay, I can take care of you. I don't exactly know what that means, but maybe, maybe I can get you back in the ocean. With all your otter friends. And you can do otter-related activities. Don't worry. I'm here. It's going to be okay. In the forest Seth: Oh, Che. Che, wake up. I had the greatest dream. Che: Me, too, man. Seth: And I just healed my animal spirit. I've got to get back home to Summer. Che: Mazel tov, brother, what an amazing accomplishment. Well, tell me about your spirit animal. Seth: Oh, it was so cute, man. It was a... It was this otter, and it was lost. Che: An otter? Seth: Yeah, why is that okay? Che: Yes. Seth: Is that bad? Che: No, I mean, it's amazing. Seth: Good. Great, ok, 'cause I thought like, it would suck if it wasn't. But we should get out of here. At the comics bookstore Henri-Michel: The tree from whence she fell is blessed. He held her for the world to see, but now to my deep distress, my little pêche... is holding me. Woman: I would give anything, anything, for a man to write a poem like that for me. Other woman: That was simply... Um, if you'd care to stay and, who wouldn't, the author will be signing copies of his book, A Season For peaches. Ryan: Wait. Taylor: Ryan, what are you doing? Ryan: I have a poem too. ** Woman: Young man, this is not karaoke. You don't get a turn. Get down from there before I call security. Henri-Michel: Let's hear what the boy has to say. We should not deny him the opportunity to bear his soul in front of all these people. Ryan: Thank you. A sonnet... I don't know how to write. A haiku, Five, seven, five... seems... too tight. I'm sorry, I think this is a bad idea. Taylor: Then there are three little words I'm not able to say. But Taylor, this is what I can tell you today. Though I can't say those words to you tonight, please stick with me, 'cause I feel someday I might. Woman: That's not too bad. Now, uh, Monsieur de Momourant will be signing copies in the, um, um... Monsieur? Monsieur? Ryan: Look, uh, Taylor, I know that my poem might not be quite as good as Henri-Michel's, but I wanted you to know how I feel. Taylor: No, Ryan, I loved it. I really... Woman: Where is he? He was just here. Taylor: I'm sorry. Yatch club Julie: We had a good day. Three out of five women now know they've been exposed to a sexually-transmitted disease, we should be proud. Kirsten: No, You're on your own for the next two. Julie: Okay, I understand. Kirsten: Aren't you supposed to be in Mexico? Spencer: Julie made me do it. Kirsten: So you mean... Spencer: Yeah, so no one has... You know. Kirsten: What?! Spencer: Yeah. I'm going to go. Julie: Kirsten, I'm sorry. It was the only way I could think to get you to spend the day with me. Kirsten: So you told all those women they have chlamydia when they don't? Julie: They might. They did have sex with male hookers. Plus, I picked the five meanest women in Newport. Kirsten: What is wrong with you? Julie: I was desperate. I missed you. I hate not having you in my life, Kirsten. I can live without you as my business partner, but not without you as my friend. Kirsten: You are going to call all those women tomorrow, and you are going to tell them the truth. Julie: Okay, but not Linda. Please let Linda think she has an STD. That is not only unethical, it is just plain mean. Kirsten: I disagree. Julie: Do you want to debate about it over dinner? You know you miss me. Come on, say yes. Kirsten? Harbour Kaitlin: You know, you've been in here for so long I was afraid you got flushed down. Lucy: Go away. Kaitlin: Hi. Lucy: Go away. I hate you. Kaitlin: Look, I'm sorry that Will doesn't like you back, but I didn't do anything. Lucy: I have loved Will since the day he transferred here. I lent him a pen. And he is the most wonderful, sensitive, sweet... And you don't even appreciate him. Kaitlin: Yes, I do. I mean, he's smart and he's hot and he's an excellent kisser. Lucy: Then why do you make fun of the things that make Will, Will His band uniform and his love of marching and baking and his friends? Kaitlin: Because that's just what I do. I mean, I make fun of everyone, usually 'cause I'm high. Lucy: You make him not want to be himself. Kaitlin: You don't know what you're talking about. Lucy: Oh, that's the best you can do? You know I'm right. Kaitlin: Shut up, okay? Just shut up. Motel Taylor: Henri? Henri?I love you, but I love love more. And I don't want to be alone in it. Au revoir, Peaches. At Cohen's Sandy: Hey, I've been worried about you. You okay? Kirsten: Oh, I'm okay. It's a long story. Sandy: Well,I can't wait to hear it. When are you coming home? Kirsten: Soon. I'm having dinner with Julie. Sandy: Julie? Kirsten: Yeah. She is the most manipulative, scheming partner in the world, and it was stupid ever to get into business with her, and I'll never make that mistake again. Sandy: But she's the best friend you got. Kirsten: Something like that. At the beach Will: I was thinking maybe tomorrow we could do something you might want to do. Kaitlin: Well, I thought tomorrow was night two of your dorked-out bake sale. Will: I mean, it is but, they can hold it down. I mean, I'd rather spend time with you. Kaitlin: But I thought it was important to you. Will: If you want me to do it, I'll do it. I'll go. I can go. Kaitlin: I just thought, you know that, they wouldn't know what to do without you. Since you're the king of dorks and all. Will: Excuse me? Kaitlin: Well, after observing you in your natural environment, it was just clear, we're not a good fit. We're like oil and that, other thing. Will: But I thought you liked that. Kaitlin: You know who else is a dork, is that Lucy chick. I mean, she's got a pretty hot bod for a dork. I mean, if I was a dork like you, I'd totally go for her. Will: Real nice. You know what, I think you're right. Kaitlin: Good, 'cause I think Brad and Eric are down there, probably night surfing or something. So I'll see you around. Will: Nah. At Roberts' - In the kitchen Julie: Che, what are you still doing here? Che: I had a dream. In my dream, my spirit animal was a frog and I was in a stream. I had the most magical day. Julie: Oh, God, we've got to change the locks. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Summer: Whoa, hi. Seth: I healed my spirit animal and I'm ready to love again. Summer: Did you say spirit animal? Seth: Yeah, and it was lost, but through my connection to the ancient rituals of the Earth, I was able to save my inner otter. At Roberts' - In the kitchen Che: I swam and I splashed. And for the first time, I felt whole. I had found my other half. And it was an otter. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Summer: Otters are so cute. Oh, my gosh, their whiskers and how they use their belly to crack open their abalone dinner. I am going to start a foundation to save the sea otters. Do you know there are less than 3,000 left, in California? Seth: No, that's really sad. At Roberts' - In the kitchen Julie: You found lovewith an otter? I'm happy for you. Che: I know it sounds crazy, but dreams don't lie. Now I just have to explain it to the otter. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Seth: Summer. Summer: What? Seth: Do you think the otters could wait till tomorrow? Summer: No. At Cohen's Taylor: Henri-Michel's gone. Ryan: He's gone? Gone where? Taylor: Back to France, I guess. Ryan: Why? Uh, I think he understood even better than I did that as much as he loved me, I didn't love him, and I probably never will. Rtan: Does that mean...? Taylor: When Henri-Michel would tell me he loved me, it was like the whole world melted away. Those words just have more power over me than anything. It's scary how much I want, how much I need, to hear them. Ryan: Well, if that's, important to you... Taylor: I would never ask you to be able to say that yet. And even if you could, I don't think I'm ready to hear it. Ryan: So what are you saying? Taylor: Until I can be stronger, on my own, I don't think that I should be with anyone, including you. I'm sorry. Ryan: Okay. Actually, that makes sense. Taylor: But I'm going to treasure this poem forever. Ryan: I meant it. Just so you know. Taylor: I do. Bye, Ryan. End of the episode.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x11 - The Dream Lover"}	foreverdreaming
At the shopping center Taylor: Hello. Kaitlin: Taylor, where are you? I thought you were going to come to dinner. Taylor: Oh, uh... you should just go on without me. I haven't finished my errands yet. Kaitlin: Wait, you've been gone all day. Taylor: Well, I had to go to the dry cleaner and get my nails done and then go to the Matthew Barney exhibition. Kaitlin: Oh, okay. Well, is Ryan with you? Taylor: No, Kaitlin, I told you. We're giving each other some space. I haven't spoken to him in over a week. Kaitlin: Okay, well then, I guess you're not going to Kirsten's thing. Taylor: What thing? Kaitlin: Her party. She's turning 40. I was kind of hoping that you were going to be there to do something weird,so it's not so boring. Wait, do you want to know where it is? Taylor: No. Uh-uh. I don't. Uh... I have to go. Good-bye. Cop: Excuse me, miss. Taylor: Yes? Cop: I'm afraid you're making some of the business owners around here a little nervous. Taylor: Why? What are you talking about? Cop: Well, you've been loitering here for the past seven hours. Taylor: Loitering. What's loitering? I've been... just... Cop: What are you doing with those binoculars? Taylor: These... are for bird watching. Mm-hmm. There's a very interesting oriole in that tree right there. Cop: I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Taylor: Okay, Ryan's off work in ten minutes. Can you just give me a... Ten minutes! You want a donut? Cop: No. At Roberts' - In the kitchen Julie: Hey, Taylor's not joining us? Kaitlin: Nope. Lucky her. Julie: Sorry this isn't up to your standards, honey. Kaitlin: I'm a little short on cash right now. So why'd you leave New Match? Julie: Because Kirsten and I are better friends than business partners, okay? Could we just leave it at that? Excuse me. Kaitlin: Five people in this house and I end up eating dinner by myself. Julie: Hi. So we're still on for Friday, right? Well, I don't like sneaking around either, but we don't have much of a choice, do we? I know, I miss you, too. What? Oh, no, that's just Summer's boyfriend Che. Hold on, um, I'll go outside, okay? At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Summer: Che, what are you doing? Che: The I-Ching was devised by ancient Chinese mystics as a way to interpret the invisible current of the universe. Summer: What are you trying to figure out? Che: I had a dream, Summer...in which my soul mate was revealed to me. Summer: That's great. Che: It's great, but... it's complicated. I must be certain-- Dragon on a mountaintop. Summer: That's interesting. Um... Che? Nothing against Chinese mystics, but, uh, if you want to find out if someone's your soul mate, why don't you just try spending time with them? Che: You think that's what I should do? Summer: Yeah. Why not? See if you have anything in common. Che: Because the day after tomorrow is Groundhog Day and I'm planning a little black ops mission to free Newport Chuck. Sumer: The groundhog? Che: Yeah. You've heard of this travesty? Summer: I've heard about the festival. They put him onstage with the mayor and if he sees his shadow, it means six more weeks of winter. Which is crazy considering we don't even have winter to begin with. But I think they treat him okay. Che: No, 364 days a year, little duder is stuck in a cage. Now he gets to play circus freak for a day? No, that's absolutely criminal. Summer: Just don't involve me 'cause that's how I got kicked out of Brown. You coming to dinner? Che: No, go without me. Summer... besides getting you kicked out of college, you know I'd never do anything to hurt you. Summer: Of course. Che: I'll see you in a little bit. Tomorrow, brother. Tomorrow... we'll get this whole thing figured out. That, right there, is grasshopper at night. At Cohen's Sandy: Are you sure you don't want to come? Kirsten: Watching a movie about a guy eating a live octopus? I think I'll pass. Sandy: It's also got one of the greatest fight sequences in probably the last five years. Ryan: Oh, yeah, that'll convince her. Seth: Listen, Mom, what better way to see out your 30s than a little South Korean shock cinema? Kirsten: So tempting. You're going to be late. You better go. * Kirsten: Oh, hi, it's Kirsten Cohen. I was wondering if Dr. Harris could see me; it's urgent. * Seth: Are you sure it's all right to leave her? She seems a little down. Sandy: Oh, she's turning 40. Even for a woman as beautiful as your mother, that's not easy. Ryan: Well, maybe we should stay. Sandy: No, trust me. Right now, all she wants is a little time alone to process everything. Ryan: You don't think she knows about the party? Sandy: What? No. Are you kidding me? Nobody plans a surprise party like Sandy Cohen. I could've been with the CIA. Seth: I hear they're known for their birthday parties. Generic At Cohen's Che: Good morning, brother. Seth: Che, what are you...? I mean, this is real, right? This isn't a dream? Che: Unless this whole life is a dream. But, no, for our purposes, you are awake. Seth, how do you feel about the subjugation of animals? Seth: Um... I hate it. Che: When you hear that a fellow mammal is being exploited for cheap entertainment instead of being allowed to burrow in the soft soil of Mother Earth, does it make you want to tear your hair out? Well, then rise and shine, brother, for the clarion call of justice has rung across the land. Seth: I'm glad I don't sleep naked. Che: Yeah, me, too. I didn't think about that. Seth: You could've had... At Roberts' - Kaitlin's bedroom Brad: Tell him you want to feel his butt. Eric: Yeah, say how you can't wait to get two big handfuls of butt. Kaitlin: Okay, you guys, that's gross. I'm supposed to be my mom, okay? Eric: Exactly. Brad: Look, you want this guy to think your mom loves him, right? This is how adults talk to each other. Kaitlin: I've been e-mailing Bullit as my mom for, like, a month now. You don't think it'd bea little weird if I randomly asked him about his butt? Brad: No. It just shows that she cares for him. Eric: And his butt. Kaitlin: Do you guys not realize how much you talk about other guys' butts? Brad: Do you want your mom to close the deal or not? Kaitlin: "I miss your butt. Love, Julie." Brad: Awesome. Awesome. At the poolhouse Sandy: Hey. You busy? Ryan: No. Sandy: I'm just going in to pick up Kirsten's birthday present. Thought you might want to come along. You know, grab some lunch. Ryan: Ah, yeah, sure. Sandy: Is everything okay? Ryan: Mm-hmm. Fine. Sandy: How are you doing with all that's going on with Taylor? Ryan: Okay. Sandy: Are you sure? Ryan: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, she says she needs time. I get it. I got plenty of other things to keep me busy. Sandy, I'm fine. I'm not sitting around missing her if that's what you're asking. Sandy: All right. Okay. Let's say half an hour? Ryan: All right. At the doctor Taylor: I need help, Doctor. Doctor: Well, Taylor, admitting that is the first step in recovery. But tell me, how did you hear about me? Taylor: Oh, I read your article about emotional addictions <i>in The Journal of Abstract Thought. I saw you teach at UCI, and it just kind of seemed like fate. Doctor: And you think that you're suffering from an emotional addiction? Taylor: Yeah, pretty much all my life. 'Cause I never really knew my dad and my mom is... kind of like Idi Amin with fake boobs. You know, big on the torturing and the tyranny, not so big on the nurturing. Doctor: I see. Taylor: And then from there, I just kind of became this person who whenever anybody would hold out, like, the slightest prospect of emotional support, I would just seize on it. Like, I married a man who I knew for two weeks just because he told me he loved me. Doctor: And how has that manifest itself now? Taylor: Well, I'm dating this guy, Ryan And he's just really wonderful and... I really care about him a lot, but I told him that I needed some space because... Doctor: Because you know that you're not ready for a mature relationship and you don't want to ruin it? Taylor: Yes. Exactly. Doctor: And how has that been? Taylor: This time apart? Well, that's kind of the other problem. sometimes, when I like someone, I... sometimes... kind of, uh, stalk them. Not in like a scary Star 80 way. Just to, you know, like, follow them around and take pictures and log their activities and then compile it all in a factually accurate, yet aesthetically pleasing scrapbook, and it's all really very... Oh, my God, I'm a total lunatic. Doctor: Taylor, you are not a lunatic. You recognize that this behavior is not healthy and you want to correct it. Taylor: I do. I really, really do. Doctor: All right, well... as you know, from my article, my methods are very aggressive. Taylor: Okay. I'm in your hands, Doctor. At Roberts' Kaitlin: What are you doing? Julie: Neil and I bought these in Cabo. I'm selling them. Kaitlin: Why? Julie: Because times are tough, Kaitlin. Kaitlin: Well, do I need to remind you that your boyfriend's a billionaire? Julie: No, he's not. I mean... Are you cheating on Bullit? No, I'm not even dating him. That fizzled when he went to Dubai. Kaitlin: Oh. Well, he thinks you guys are still dating. Julie: Have you been talking to him? Kaitlin: No. Just a couple e-mails. And what have you told him? Julie: Nothing. Kaitlin: Just... I know he really likes you. And I know he thinks you guys are still a couple. But wait, are you seeing anyone else? Julie: That's none of your business. Kaitlin: Fine. Okay, well, what are you going to tell the Bullit? 'Cause he comes back today. Julie: Will you please answer that? * Man: Julie Cooper? Kaitlin: Um... yeah. Thank you. "Can't wait till tomorrow night. Miss you already." At the doctor Doctor: Mrs. Cohen, thanks for waiting. So, tell me what's going on? Kirsten: Well, the last few weeks I've been feeling weak... just drained of energy. There's been some nausea and light-headedness. Doctor: Now, I have to ask: have you been drinking? Kaitlin: Not a drop. Doctor: And has there been any undue stress? Kirsten: No. I mean, not more than usual. Doctor: Well, let's take some blood. Then we'll be able to tell you something. Ooh, you turn 40 tomorrow. Happy birthday. Kirsten: Thanks. At the shopping center Seth: You're crazy. Che: Seth... Seth: I thought you wanted to release turtles into the ocean or something. I'm not going to help you steal Newport Chuck. Che: Why, 'cause he looks so happy down there? Seth: I don't know, he seems to be doing all right with the free carrot deal. Che: Well, I see this was a mistake. I guess we don't have all that much in common after all. Who knows what might have been. Seth: Oh, God. Fine. Okay. Che: What? Seth: You know, you helped me heal my inner otter, I owe you. You mean, you want to help? Che: Yeah, that's it... Seth: ...I feel we have a bond. So what's the plan? At the airport Gordon: Hey, Peanut. I just left the airport. Kaitlin: We need to talk. Gordon: Not if it's about that duty-free booze you asked me to buy. Kaitlin: No, it's definitely not about that. There's a little something that I should talk to you about. Gordon: Okay, then why don't you meet me at the jewelry store. Kaitlin: What are you talking about? Gordon: Well, Squirt, I liked your mother before I left, but these e-mails I've been getting lately, especially the last one... let's just say, I like the way her mind works. Yes, she is the girl for me. Kaitlin: You're going to ask her to marry you? Oh, damn am. Gordon: Why? What were you going to tell me? Kaitlin: Nothing. She loves anything that's an emerald cut. Gordon: So you're saying I should ask her? Kaitlin: Yeah, absolutely. You should totally ask her. Totally. At Roberts - Taylor's bedroom Summer: You saved a valet ticket? Taylor: Oh, yeah, that's from our third date. He's a very generous tipper. You wouldn't know it to look at him. Summer: What's this? Taylor: Toothpick. Summer: Gross. Taylor: Well, he didn't use it... much. Summer: Okay, Taylor... although I wholeheartedly support you getting rid of everything in this box for purely sanitary reasons, If you like Ryan and he likes you, screw the therapist and figure out your stuff together. I mean, all of this just seems a little insane. Taylor: Summer, my whole life I've been completely powerless before people who say they have feelings for me. I feel like I need to do this for myself as much as for me and Ryan. Summer: Even if you lose him? Taylor: If I don't do this, I'm going to lose him anyway. I don't have a choice. Summer: Okay. Well, I hope you know what you're doing. Taylor: Yeah. Me, too. Jettey Ryan: Kaitlin. Kaitlin: Ryan. Hi. Ryan: Hey. You buying some jewelry? Kaitlin: Yeah, just buying some class rings. Ryan: Are you here with someone? Kaitlin: No. Are you? Ryan: Yeah, Sandy's buying part of Kirsten's birthday present. Hey, how's Taylor been? Kaitlin: Well... weird. Ryan: Weird like...? Kaitlin: Weirder than normal. Ryan: Really? Kaitlin: Yeah. A little bit. Hi, Mr. Cohen. Sandy: Kaitlin, you coming to the party tomorrow? Kaitlin: Um, yeah, totally. Listen, I got to go, but I'll see you guys. Ryan: Everything okay? Sandy: No. The guy in Carson. I just got a message. He lost it. Ryan: He lost it? Sandy: Yeah. I don't know how you do that. * Gordon: The hell you hiding from? Kaitlin: You scared me. Gordon: Well, quit hiding out in the shadows like some Al Quaeda wacko. Kaitlin: I just thought I saw my mom. So what'd you end up getting? Gordon: Yeah, I did. How you like that? Kaitlin: Wow. Is it the most expensive one? Gordon: Well, Bullit bought it. Of course it is. And your mama deserves it. Kaitlin: Good. All right. Now let's talk about that proposal. Gordon: No, I got it worked out. This Iranian fellow on my flight played me this Persian love song on his cell phone. So I downloaded it. Check that out. Kaitlin: Mm-hmm, let's definitely talk about that proposal. Gordon: It's gonna work. In Seth's car Che: No, once the truck is outside for the ceremony tomorrow, there's going to be too many eyes. The best bet is to break into the lobby and take him from the city hall. Seth: But the door is locked. Che: The main door's locked, yes. But yesterday, I took a tour of the city hall and I taped the lock on the fre door on the roof. Seth: How is that tour by the way? I've always wondered. Che: You know, it's surprisingly good. Good local history, doesn't get too anecdotal. Seth: Oh, great. How do we get on the roof? Che: You know what this is? A grappling hook. I climbed Denali last year. It's an Outward Bound course. This is gonna be like a piece of cake. Seth: I've never climbed. Che: I brought a papoose for you. Seth; Oh, great. Okay, so we climb on the roof, we break in, we break Chuck out of his cage, we climb down the roof. Che: And return him to the savannahs of his childhood. Seth: I actually heard he was captured in Irvine, but just one thing... Che: Yeah. Seth: You know this plan is insane, right? It'll never work. Che: Seth, when the universe intends for something to happen, it will happen. How about a pre-op snow cone? Seth: Oh, great. Che: I'm talking your language now, huh? You like snow cones? Seth: I like... my favorite flavor is cherry, but my dad's is blueberry. At Cohen's Ryan: Hi. Doctor: Are you Ryan Atwood? Ryan: Yeah. Can I help you? Doctor: This is from Taylor. Ryan: O... kay. Excuse me. Wait. Who are you? Doctor: Dr. James. I'm helping Taylor through some issues. Ryan: So you're her therapist. Doctor: More of an emotional crisis manager. Ryan: And she gave you... Is she in your car? Psy: Uh, Mr. Atwood... Ryan: Taylor, what is this? What's going on? Doctor: Ryan, I have instructed her that she should have no direct contact with you for one week. Ryan: Uh, okay, but she's right here. Taylor. Taylor. Ryan: Can you just please tell him that I'm sorry, but I really think this is what's best for me and us? Doctor: Ryan, she's sorry, but she... Ryan: Yeah, I heard that. Taylor, would you talk to me, please? This is crazy. All right, would you at least tell me what this is about? Are you breaking up with me? Doctor: She asks that you trust her for a while longer. Ryan: Taylor, look, whatever the reason you're doing all this, you don't have to-- we can work on it together. Please. Please. Taylor: Good-bye, Ryan. Ryan: Does that mean... Okay, you're gonna... At the city hall Seth: Hey, little buddy. Che. Che. What was wrong with the elevator? Che: Nothing. I just really love doing that. Hey, little duder. Seth: What was that? Che: Let's get... let's get it out. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Seth: Okay, where are the ropes? Che: I left them inside. Seth: Dude... Che: No, it's all right. Uh... relax. I'll go get them. Here. Seth: Do you want to...? Che: Give it here. Seth: Hey. There some sort of problem? Che: Uh... it is possible that the piece of tape I put over the lock got torn through. Seth: So are you saying we're stuck up here? Che: No. As long as I can... Yeah. Che: Get out. Seth: Che, what are you doing? Che: I didn't mean to wake you up. I'm meditating over a dream. You realize this is the second time you and I have spent the night together? Seth: So? Che: So... does that mean anything to you? Seth: You'll be going on your little adventures by yourself from now on? Che: Seth... when the universe... intends for something to happen...it will happen, and our personal desires or natural predilections, they just don't figure in. In fact... there's something that I've been meaning to tell you. Man: This belong to you two? Che: Crouch behind me. At Cohen's Sandy: Oh! Happy birthday, sweetheart. Kirsten: Thanks. Sandy: Hey. Come on. Sit down. I am making you a birthday breakfast you won't believe. Kirsten: Oh, that's sweet, but, Sandy, I don't think I'm in the mood for a big breakfast. Sandy: Oh, you're taking this turning-40 thing a little hard, aren't you? You know, it's not the end of the world. You're more beautiful now than the day we met. Soon, Seth and Ryan'll be gone. We'll be able to do whatever we want. We'll be like kids again. Kirsten: And live in the back of a mail truck? Sandy: Why not? 'Course, maybe we'll throw in a pillow-top mattress. My back's not what it used to be. Kirsten: Sandy... Ryan: Hey! Happy birthday. Kirsten: Oh... Hey, thanks. Ryan: Did I interrupt something? Kirsten: No! Ryan: Okay. Kirsten: Oh. Excuse me. Sandy: Hey, dinner reservations 8:00. Don't make any plans. Ryan: Any luck yet? Sandy: Nothing. I must've made 30 calls yesterday. Ryan: All right. Well, anything you need me to do today, I'm all yours. Sandy: Thanks. I feel she really needs this. * Kirsten: Of course I can see the doctor today, but can't she just tell me? I understand. She wants to tell me in person. At the shopping center Julie: Hi, babe. Kaitlin: Mom, where are you? Julie: I'm at the spa getting shined and buffed. What's up? Kaitlin: What does it feel like when your appendix bursts? While walking Taylor: I don't feel proud. Doctor: Well, you should be. What you did yesterday was very difficult. Taylor: Yeah, but the look on his face... I just wanted to hold him. Doctor: And you will, but first you have to take care of yourself. Excuse me. Hello. Yes. Oh. All right. Listen, I've got to go. Another patient's having a crisis. But we'll talk later. Taylor: Okay. All right. Oh, God, I'm sorry. Sorry about that. Man: You guys must be getting ready for the festival. Yeah. Thanks. Uh... okay. Come on, guys, let's go. Uh... We don't want to be late. At Roberts' Julie: Kaitlin? Kaitlin: Mom, I'm fine. Julie: What? Wh...? What are all these flowers doing here? Kaitlin: There's someone who wants to ask you something. Julie: What are you talking about? Gordon: There you are. Julie: Gordon!? Gordon: You are a sight for sore eyes. Come to Big Daddy. Julie: Okay, everybody stop. What is going on? You're not dying and... Gordon, what are you doing here? Gordon: It's time, squirt. ht it. Kaitlin: I really don't think that it's... Gordon: Trust me. ht it. Kaitlin: Okay. Julie: Oh. My God. Gordon: Julie Cooper, I've traveled the world over, had everything money can buy, but there comes a time in a billionaire's life that his money ain't worth a dime unless he has someone to share it with. Will you marry me? Julie: I don't know what to say. Gordon: Oh, a "yes" works for me. Kaitlin: Mom, isn't this great? Julie: Y... I-it's very, very nice, but, please, stand up. I'm, I'm flattered, but... w-will you turn that off, please? Kaitlin: Okay. Julie: Fine. Thank you. I guess I'm just surprised. Gordon: Well, when I see something I want, I go for it like a bllet. Bang. Julie: But, Gordon, we haven't spoken since you went to Dubai. Kaitlin: Mom, he just asked you to marry him. I mean... look at the ring. It's ri-dog-ulous. Gordon: An-and what about all those e-mails? I've never seen so many X's and O's and that would be hugs and kisses, right? Julie: W-what e-mails? Kaitlin: You know, the music was actually really awesome. Gordon: And especially that last one-- you know the one, where you said... Kaitlin: Oh, crap. In jail Summer: Hello. Che:Caterpillar. Summer: Che, oh, my God, he looks so sad. Che: Who? Summer: Newport Chuck. I'm looking at him right now-- I thought you were going to rescue him. Che: Well, things didn't go exactly as planned. Are you at the pier right now? Summer: Yeah. They're setting up for the ceremony right now. Where are you? Che: The Man caught me. Summer: What? You're in jail, Che? Che: No, don't. No, don't worry about me. You have to focus on Chuck. He needs you right now. Caterpillar, you have to rescue him. Summer: No. Che, I told you not to involve me. Che: Sometimes, Summer... our destiny is chosen for us. Summer: All right. I'll see what I can do. Che: Okay. It's all you. Man: I was next. Who should I call? Park Taylor: I see. So, who else is on stage other than the mayor and, obviously, Newport Chuck? Woman: Well, a couple of the mayor's men, some city council members, a few police officers. Taylor: And so, uh, that's it? Woman: Mmm. Wait. There's also a few people dressed as groundhogs. What paper did you say you're with? Taylor: Uh... Groundhog's Day Weekly. which comes out once a year, usually around... Woman: Groundhog Day? Taylor: Yes. Thank you so much. At Roberts - Kaitlin's bedroom Julie: You were e-mailing him and pretending to be me? Kaitlin: I just know you don't deal well with long-distance relationships. I thought you might regret it. Julie: Really? That's the reason? Has nothing to do with you being sick of eating frozen dinners? Kaitlin: What? And your saying no has nothing to do with the fact you're seeing a mystery man? Julie: A.) I never said no. B.) That is my private life. Kaitlin, there is more to relationships than just money. I don't care for The Bullit just because he's a billionaire. Kaitlin: Maybe I care a little bit. But the reason why I would've told him to marry you is because I know he loves you, and he's a really nice guy, and he's really funny...and he'd make an amazing step-dad. Julie: You have to tell him the truth. Kaitlin: What are you gonna tell him? Julie: I don't know. Kaitlin: Well, better make up your mind quick...'cause I'm taking him with me to Kirsten's party. At Cohen's Kirsten: Hello. Julie: Kirsten. I need your help. Oh. Happy birthday. Kirsten: Thanks. Julie: Bullit just proposed to me. Kirsten: That's nice. Julie: I told him I'd give him an answer by tonight, but the truth is...I've been seeing someone else in secret. You'll never believe who. Kirsten: Julie, I'm, I'm gonna lie down. Congratulations. Park Sandy: That was a guy at the junkyard at Chatsworth. He's got one. He says he can have it at the yacht club in an hour. Ryan: Sounds like everything's gonna be okay. Sandy: Well, let's hope. What's going on with you and Taylor? Come on. You've been in the dumps today. Ryan: Honestly, I don't know. She said she needs space; I said, "Sure." Taylor: Stupid tree. Oh... dumb branches. Ryan: I sort of talked to her. Sandy: Taylor was right there, right? Ryan: Oh, yeah, oh, yeah; but she wasn't supposed to be talking to me. She would say something and then the therapist would say it again to me. Wow. It's crazy, huh? Sandy: Yeah. I mean, a little, but... Ryan: And, I mean, I want her to do what she needs to do. Sandy: Did you tell her that? Ryan: I tried. Sandy: Excuse me. Ryan: Yeah, sure. Sandy: Yeah, hello. Seth? Where are you? Taylor: Oh, no... Ryan: Oh, whoa, you... You okay? Taylor? What are you doing? Taylor: I was just... Ryan: Taylor, are you okay? Taylor: I'm sorry. Just... forget you ever knew me. In jail Seth: My dad said he'll be right over. Che: What about me? Seth: Don't worry, Dale. He knows you're here, too. Che: But I don't wanna leave. Seth, I haven't been honest with you. Uh... remember in the sweat lodge when you discovered that your animus was a sea otter? Seth: Mm-hmm. Che: Well... see, I had a dream that night, too. Uh... and I discovered that my animal self was a bullfrog. Seth: Oh... that's awesome; frogs are cool. Che: Yeah, but there's, there's kinda more to it. See... I also discovered that the animus of my soul mate... Well, see, my... in the dream, my bullfrog was in love... w-with...a groundhog. It wasn't an otter at all. Seth: What? Wha-What wasn't an otter? Che: Never mind. No, nothing. What? Seth: You were gonna say... Che! Che: Never mind. Seth: Che, what wasn't an otter? Man: I ate a squirrel once. Seth: That's great. Cop: Cohen, Cook, someone's posted bail for you. Che: Whew! Seth: You coming? Che: No, you go. I'm not leaving till we're both free. Seth: Works for me. At Cohen's Kirsten: Sandy, where have you been? I called you three times. Sandy: Well, it's been a busy afternoon. Kirsten: Please tell me that you haven't planned anything big tonight. Sandy: Well, on your birthday, sorry, but I plead the Fifth. Listen, can you meet me at the yacht club? Kirsten: I thought we were going together. Sandy: Yeah, I know, but I had to make other arrangements. Kirsten: Sandy... Sandy: I'll see you in a few minutes. Seth: Hi, Dad. I hope I'm not late for Mom's party. * Man: Kirsten Cohen? Kirsten: Yes? Man: I'm here to take you to your husband. Yatch club Ryan: I cannot believe that you tried to steal Newport Chuck. Seth: Sometimes the universe makes you do things that you don't even understand. Ryan: Sure. Well, Sandy didn't seem to upset about it. Seth: Are you kidding? He's waited 18 years for me to be arrested for political activism. It's probably the proudest moment of his entire life. Ryan: Ah! It's your mom. Good evening. Kirsten: Good evening. Thank you. Ryan: You're welcome. Seth: Happy birthday. Kirsten: Oh, thank you. I hope your father didn't do anything too extravagant. Ryan: Ooh, might be a little late for that, yeah. Kirsten: Oh, my God. Ryan: Yeah, that was my first thought, too. Sandy: Happy birthday, sweetheart. Kirsten: Oh... Sandy, it's... Sandy: No, it's not the same mail truck we had at Berkeley, but it is exactly the same model. Kirsten: It's amazing. Thank you. Sandy: And here's your real present. Happy birthday. Around-the-world first-class air tickets. Just you and me. That's not bad, huh? Kirsten: Ah... I-I think I can... I can top it. Can I talk to you in private? Sandy: Yeah. Kirsten: You two stay here. Sandy: Fellas, watch the truck. * Kirsten: I want you seated for this. Sandy: Is everything okay? Kirsten: I went to a doctor. Sandy: Are you sick? Kirsten: Yes. But only in the mornings. Sandy: What? Kirsten: I'm pregnant. Sandy: Wait, one more time. Kirsten: Sandy, we're having a baby. Sandy: We're having a baby?! Kirsten: Everything's gonna change. Sandy: You're not kidding. I love you. Kirsten: Well, that's good, because there's gonna be a lot more of me to love. Sandy: Oh, my gosh. * Kaitlin: And then Brad was, like, "Oh, no," and I was, like, "Oh, yeah." Gordon: Well, that Brad sounds like a piece of work. And I still can't believe you wrote me all those e-mails. Kaitlin: Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Gordon: And that last one, a little frisky, a little inappropriate. Aw, but what the hell. The offer still stands she's still the most exciting woman I've ever met. Julie: Kaitlin. Gordon. Kaitlin: Mom, did you hear that? The Bullit still wants to marry you. Julie: Yes. Well, Gordon, that's very generous. But I'm afraid my answer has to be no. Sit down; I'm not finished. As I was saying, no because we don't know each other well enough. But... I'm willing to correct that. I like you, Gordon, and if after spending time together, I can grow to love you, then... yes, I would be proud to be your wife. Gordon: Wow. Oh, wow. Come here. Kaitlin: Can I get up now? Julie: Yes, of course you can get up. *** Seth: Oh, my God. Ryan: Oh, my God. Sandy: That's what I said. Kirsten: I know this isn't what everybody expected. Sandy: That's family, there's nothing more important than that. I mean... I mean, you're... you're pregnant. Seth: It's so weird. Ryan: Yeah, well, congratulations. Seth: Yeah, it's great. Sandy: Especially since it makes me getting arrested seem trivial now... Kirsten: You got what? Seth: Thanks for prepping her, Dad. Sandy: Oh, that we'll deal with that later. Uh, right now... we've got some guests inside. Seth: Actually, I was gonna ru and pick up Summer, so... Ryan: Oh, could you give me a ride, 'cause I got... Seth: Go tell Taylor that you love her and you can't live without her? Ryan: Mm, something like that. Hey, I'll see you guys in a few minutes. Kirsten: Yeah. And suddenly, we're alone again. Sandy: Eh, not for long. At Roberts - Summer's bedroom Summer: Take care of him. Che: Don't worry-- soon enough he'll be burrowing away with his little brothers and sisters. Listen, I'm so sorry that I got you arrested. I should've never asked to borrow your costume. I didn't mean to get you into trouble. Summer: It's okay-- turns out the mayor's a lover of our animal brethren. He gave us both amnesty. Che: Yeah, and this way we got to meet. Girl: The universe works in mysterious ways. Summer: So your dream was right all along-- that's amazing! Seth: Hey. Wow, crowded room. You guys off? Che: Yes. To where the winds of libery blow over the mountaintops. Seth: You mean Chicago or something? Che: Take care, you two In another life, brother. Summer: So, are we too late for your mom's birthday party? Seth: Uh, actually, I think it may be more of a baby shower now, but I'll explain in the car, or maybe I won't. I think it's supposed to be a secret. Listen, what did, uh, Che mean when he said "in another life"? In another life what? At Roberts - Taylor's bedroom Taylor: Hello? Hello? Ryan: Oh, yeah... Taylor: Who is this? Ryan: What are you wearing? Taylor: Ryan? Were you just trying to stalk me? Ryan: Yeah, I guess I need a little more practice. Taylor: That is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. Ryan: So does that mean the whole, uh, space thing... Taylor: Yeah, terrible idea. You don't mind dating someone who's a total weirdo? Ryan: No, no. In fact, I was thinking we could work around it. Like, I have to go to Kirsten's party, but if you wanted... you could follow me. Taylor: Yes, and then when we get there, I could hide behind a plant and just kind of watch you. Ryan: Exactly, exactly. And then, on the way home, I could stalk you. Taylor: Yes! And then I stalk you. Yatch club Julie: Hi. It's me. No, I-I won't be making it tonight. Listen, I, uh... I'm back with Bullit. I know. I know. But this is the best thing for my family. I'm sorry. Frank: Me, too. Julie: Good-bye, Frank. End of the episode.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x12 - The Groundhog Day"}	foreverdreaming
Poolhouse Taylor: Really? Nothing? Ryan: It may not sound like a good idea. It's not a good idea. Taylor: We're dating. We just got back together, in fact, and you're proposing that for Valentine's Day we do nothing. Ryan: No, no. We don't have to spend the night apart. We could just hang out. Uh, see a movie. Taylor: Oh, God, stop. My head is spinning from all of the romance. Ryan: Taylor,this holiday, us, it's a recipe for disaster. Taylor: Why? 'Cause I'm needy? Ryan: 'Cause I've on occasion been known to stalk you? Taylor: There's me, too. Ryan: I'm distant and unemotional. Taylor: And preoccupied. Could we add that to the list? 'Cause it just seems like lately your mind is someplace else. Ryan: Taylor. There's no hidden meaning here. I just feel if we don't put too much pressure on this holiday, we might actually get through it. Taylor: So I shouldn't worry? Ryan: No. Taylor: Not even when I find a suspicious address by your bed? I looked at it when you were in the bathroom. Sorry. Ryan: It's nothing. It's an address.Not the address of some other girl if that's what you're thinking. Look, um, I got to get to work, but I promise you there's nothing to worry about, okay? Taylor: Okay. All right. So we're good? Ryan: Yeah, we're good. Taylor: All right. Motel Taylor: Oh. Frank: Taylor, right? Taylor: So it's you. Generic Motel Taylor: I-I don't get it. Ryan hasn't been to see you at all? Frank: Well, I left a message with him when I,when I switched hotels. I told him I was here in case he wanted to see me, but so far,no luck. Taylor, don't mind me asking... what are you doing here? Taylor: Well, I found this address by Ryan's bed and he's been kind of distant lately, so I thought it may be a clue. So I came here and then I... I have emotional problems, but I'm getting over it. Frank: Well, I'm glad Ryan at least kept my address, since, you know, he's not using it. Taylor: Well, clearly he wants to reach out. Maybe he's just afraid or he doesn't really know how to do it. Frank: Because, you know, I'd love to talk to him, you know? Taylor: Apologize again for that cancer stunt. Frank: But I'm scared if I make the first move... Taylor: He's going to pull away. Yes, you're absolutely right. I've had a lot of experience with that. Wait a sec. Idea coming in. And here it is, okay. What if I were to get involved? I could help you guys smooth things over, broker the peace talks... Frank: You-you'd be willing to do that, get in the line of fre? Taylor: It's just that there's something kind of, kind of sad about Ryan. Maybe if he was to mend his relationship with you, he could be a little happier. Frank: Well, I am all for it. Do you have a plan in mind? Taylor: Always. At Cohen's - In the kitchen Sandy: Wow, is this a second breakfast or an early lunch? Kirsten: It's either one. I was craving French toast, do you want some? Sandy: No, thanks. I'm having flashbacks to when you were pregnant with Seth. Kirsten: I know, and all I did was eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I made some of my finest sandwiches in that year. Sandy: Mm-hmm. I haven't had peanut butter and jelly since. I can't believe we're doing this again. All the times we tried to have another one after Seth. Kirsten: Well, we did have a second one, it just came later in life. Sandy: Ah, the more the merrier. Kirsten: Oh, I just lost my appetite. Sandy: I thought you were starving. Kirsten: Cravings, up and down like a roller coaster. I'm going to get dressed. At Roberts' Julie: Gordon, it's not Valentine's Day yet. Gordon: I don't care, you're my wife, and I'll give you roses anytime I dang well please. Julie: Right. Well, these are certainly beautiful, but um, I think I need to remind you... Gordon: Oh, I know. You haven't given me the green light on that marriage proposal. But I didn't make $900 million by being a pessimist. Did I mention that there will be no pre-nup? Julie: Well... That is so generous. But before we get on with the rest of our lives... Gordon: Right, Valentine's Day, and I made reservations at the yacht club as per your request. And I did take the liberty of booking us, that's you and me, a suite at the Four Seasons. I mean, here we are,practically man and wife and we still haven't sealed the deal. Julie: I guess I'm just old-fashioned that way. Gordon: Well, if I do say so myself, you're in for quite a treat. Julie: Can we just not talk about it? Gordon: Well, I can sum it up in one word. Julie: Don't. Gordon: Bang. Julie: Yeah. Gordon: Oh, sorry, gorgeous. I'm just a sucker for that pun. But seriously now. I can't wait to take you down to Chinatown. Julie: Right. Me, too. Kaitlin, baby, hi. Kaitlin: Hi. What's up, nerd? Gordon: Wow, who you calling nerd, bird legs? Kaitlin: You, nerd. Gordon: Okay, squirt, you up for some ping-pong? You ready to get your ass kicked? Kaitlin: In your dreams. Julie: You two play ping-pong? Gordon: Oh, yeah. We got a table at the office and Peanut is getting pretty good. Kaitlin: You think that's lame? Julie: No, it's, it's... It's like totally normal. Kaitlin: Mom, it's just ping-pong. There's no reason to get emotional about it. Can I drive the Ferrari? Gordon: No. Oh, what the hell? Get her purring, I'll be there in a second. Julie: You're really good with her, you know that? Gordon: Well, she's like her mom. She's a special gal and a real kick in the pants. Bye, sweetie. At the shopping center Summer: If the sea otters disappear completely, then the entire aquatic ecosystem will be disrupted. Seth: I know. We need the sea otters to eat the sea urchins, otherwise there'd be a sea urchin population explsin, causing some catastrophe involving the kelp forests. Summer: I guess you're pretty sick of me talking about otters. Seth: Not at all. If I have to share you, I'm glad it can be with otters. Summer: Well, did you know that my Web site got over 8,000 hits yesterday? And I'm going to have a video conference with someone from Greenpeace maybe next week. Seth: Wow, I hope you can squeeze me in for Valentine's Day. Summer: Valentine's Day? Seth: Yeah, it's in two days. You forgot, didn't you? Summer: No, of course not. Here's a psychic, come on. Seth: Do we have to? Summer: Yes. Psychic: Rhode Island. Seth: Not bad. You'll go there next year to study art. You'll do well. Summer: Huh. You're really good, psychic lady. Do me. Psychic: Strong vibration from you, Miss. Listen, you must beware of falling objects. Summer: Falling objects? Psychic: And you're going to appear in the news with Justin Timberlake. Summer: Oh, good, okay, thank you for your time. Psychic: Wait. This is important. I see the great love of your life. Summer: Me, too. Psychic: The name is coming to me. I see it. Seth: Let me give you a little help. Seth. Psychic: No. Seth: Seth. Psychic: No. It's George. Seth: George? Summer: George? Psychic: There's a lot of heat surrounding this name. Seth: You're leaving me for a guy named George? Summer: No. Psychic: She certainly is. Your destiny is with this George. Summer: Okay, um, Seth why don't you go get me some ice cream? Seth: Okay. Summer: All right, listen, psychic lady. My boyfriend, his name is Seth and if anyone's my destiny, it's him, so will you please stop it with all this George stuff? Brad: Sorry, Summer. Eric: He did it. Brad: No, you did it. Eric: No, I didn't, you did. Brad: You did. Seth: What was that? Summer: Destiny? Yatch club Ryan: So this has nothing to do with Valentine's Day? Taylor: No, why would you think that? Ryan: Hmm, I don't know, you, me, romantic dinner, you have some sort of surprise. Frank: Hi, Ryan. Ryan: Hey. Can I talk to you for a minute? Would you excuse us? Frank: No problem. Ryan: Thanks. Taylor: At least it wasn't a romantic surprise. Ryan: The note by my bed. Taylor: Yeah, I found it, I went there and I found your dad. And I don't know, I thought maybe you were trying to reconnect with him. Ryan: Taylor, it's my business. Taylor: I know, I'm a meddler. But don't worry, once I lick my stalking addiction,that's next on the list. But admit it, you can't tell me you haven't been thinking about him, right? Ryan, come on, it's just dinner. Ryan: Yeah, what are we going to talk about? I've never met an awkward silence that I couldn't fill. Taylor: Consider it your Valentine's gift to me. Oh, not that we're celebrating. Ryan: Yeah, I knew I was going to pay for that. Taylor: Ryan, he's your dad. Ryan: Yeah, yeah, one dinner. Taylor: Okay. Ryan: Join us. Frank: She gets her way, doesn't she? Ryan: The woman's a bulldozer. At Cohen's Kirsten: So famous couples through time? Summer: Yeah, you know, Romeo and Juliet, Fred and Wilma, Sandy and Kirsten Cohen. Do you think that's a good idea for a collage? Kirsten: Seth's going to love it. And I'm very flattered that Sandy and I made the cut. Oh. Whoa. I have not looked at these for a long time. Summer: Gosh, check out that permage. Kirsten: Top gn had just come out. I wasn't thinking clearly. Summer: I guess not. Is that you and Jimmy Cooper? Holy guac. Kirsten: Yeah, that's us at a sweatshirt party. And here we are at the prom. Summer: Oh, Seth and I have the same picture. Did you ever think that Jimmy was the one? Kirsten: Well, we had planned our lives together. He was going to work for my father and I was going to throw fabulous dinner parties. We even had names for our kids. Summer: Then you broke up. Kirsten: We grew up. I loved Jimmy a lot when I was your age. But I changed. So will you. Summer: When you met Sandy how did you know that he was the one? Kirsten: I'd never imagined myself with someone like Sandy. But it just felt right. Summer... If you're meant to be with Seth, it'll happen. You just have to be patient. Summer: I'm not very good at that. Kirsten: No one is. Yatch club Frank: So, nothing? Really? Taylor: No. Frank, Ryan thinks it would be better for our relationship if we didn't celebrate Valentine's Day at all. It's counterintuitive, I know. Frank: How's that plan working out for you? Ryan: Not great. Taylor: So Frank, how about you? Speaking of romance... you're single, you're ruggedly handsome. Did you start up any romances with ladies in Newport? Frank: Well, no. You know, not really. Taylor: Oh, my God, Frank, you're in love. Frank: Love? I am not. Taylor: Yes, you are. It's all over your face. Your lips are quivering, your cheeks are rosy. Ryan: Yeah, your cheeks are kind of red. Gordon: Well, what the hell? Frank Atwood, how are you, bud? Frank: I'm good, how are you, Bullit? Gordon: Uh, confused, that's how. I thought when you quit the Bullit business you were going to high tail it up to Reno. Frank: Yeah, well, I just stayed a little longer. I wanted to spend some time with my son. Gordon: This is your son? Ryan: Yeah. Gordon: Well, well, that's great. Oh... here comes the little lady. Every ten seconds she's in the john painting her face, not that I'm complaining. A number that hot, I don't ask questions. Julie: Hey, Taylor, Ryan. Ryan: Hi. Julie: Frank. Frank: Julie. Julie: I thought you were leaving town. Frank: I was... am. I'll be gone soon enough. Gordon: Oh, Frank is third-wheeling on a date with his son. Julie: Well, we should get to our table. I am starving. Frank: Yeah, and this one can eat. And if you ask me, it goes to all the right places. Julie: Gordon, please. Well, enjoy your dinner. Good-bye, Frank. Gordon: Uh, later. Frank: So should we get that check? Taylor: Oh, my God, Frank. Ryan: Yeah. Frank: What? Taylor: Are you in love with Julie Cooper? Ryan's workplace Taylor: Your dad and Julie Cooper. It's just so... Ryan: Incestuous, inappropriate. Taylor: Well, look at you being all hyper articulate. No, I was going to say it's romantic. Ryan: How is it romantic? It's over, she's with somebody else. Taylor: Who she doesn't really love. Ryan: Well, maybe she shouldn't marry Bullit-- doesn't mean she should be with my dad. Taylor: What if they're meant for each other? If we could at least help them get together, then they could have a chance. Ryan: Taylor, I remember what he was like, how he treated my mom and us. Taylor: Ryan. You have customers. Hola, Luis. Luis: Hey, Taylor. Ryan: I'll be right there. I know Julie isn't perfect, but I also know my dad. She deserves better. Taylor: Exactly. At Cohen's FLASH-BACK Taryn: Say, "Go Trojans." Jimmy: Go Trojans! Taryn: Oh, so cute you guys are going to college together. Kirsten: Oh, Taryn, we wish you were coming, too. Taryn: Aw, well, you know, my dad can't just make a phone call and get me into USC. Oh, well, c'est la vie. Jimmy: Don't listen to her. Kirsten: Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be listening to her snide comments for the rest of my life. Jimmy: Next year at this time, we're going to have a whole new life. Kirsten: Without my dad. Jimmy: Without Taryn, just us... always. FLASH-BACK'S END Sandy: Hey, baby. Reservation for tomorrow night at 7:00, is that okay? Kirsten: Great. Sandy: What are you looking at? Kirsten: Oh, just baby pictures of Seth. I was feeling very nostalgic. Sandy: Oh, who could blame you? He was a cute kid. Kirsten: I should get ready, I have a work lunch. At the shopping center Ryan: Dude, it's a psychic. Seth: I know. And Summer says she's not worried, but I can tell she is, which is why I dug into the archives, and came up with evidence that we are, in fact, destined to be together. Ryan: It's a piece of loose-leaf, crumpled. Seth: I dug it out of a trash can nine years ago. Ryan: Okay, explain that. Seth: This, my friend, marks the first moment that I fell in love with Summer Roberts. It was the spring... 1998. Ryan: Is this a long flashback? Because my break is almost over. Seth: Bear with me. It was the spring, 1998. FLASH-BACK Seth: Hey, Luke... Good news. Only 11 months and six days until The Matrix comes out. Luke: Eat it, nerd brain. Teacher: We're going to start today with more readings of your original poems. Who are we up to? Summer Roberts. Summer. Summer: "I wish I was a mermaid and was friends with all the fish A shiny tail and seashells that would be my wish." FLASH-BACK'S END Seth: And that is when I knew Summer Roberts was the one. Dude, the flashback did not take that long. At Roberts' Taylor: Hi, Julie. Or should I say Mrs. Bullit? Julie: Julie's fine. I'm making smoothies. You want one? Taylor: Yeah, sure. So I haven't really talked to you since you got engaged. Congrats all over the place. Julie: Well, thank you, but I'm not exactly engaged. I'm just mulling over Bullit's proposal for a while. Taylor: What's there to mull? I mean, you're totally in love with him, right? You probably can't stop daydreaming about yourfuture together. And just think, for the rest of your life, you get to be in a bed with Bullit. Julie: Suddenly not in the mood. Taylor: Night after night, you and Bullit making love into the wee hours. You, exploring his body as it gets older, and older. The skin slackening, you still having to perform your wifely duties. Julie: Taylor, stop. Taylor: Admit it, Julie, you've got it bad for Frank Atwood. Julie: What? Taylor: I saw your face last night. You, Julie Cooper, have a case of the Franks. Julie: Okay, I do... I did, or one time or another may have had a case of the Franks, but for reasons that are both personal and complex, I'm staying with Bullit. Taylor: Julie, you're different now. You are no longer the woman who can marry for money. You need more. Julie: Taylor, I have a child. I have no job. I don't even own this house. Besides, I don't think Ryan would approve. God knows I've put that kid through enough. Taylor: Julie, Ryan's only concern is for you. He doesn't think his dad's good enough for you. Julie: Ryan Atwood is worried about me? Taylor: Yeah. Julie: How about that. At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Seth: Hey, what are you watching? Summer: It's bad. It's really bad. Look. Coming up next, could this young woman be the one to save Newport sea otters? Seth: Summer, you're a hero. Summer: And guess who's bringing sexy back to Newport? That's right, Justin Timberlake is coming to the Bait Shop. Just how does such a small venue get such big names? Everything the psychic said is coming true. You know, any second I'm just going to get whisked away by some dude named George. Seth: Relax. Summer: Now I know that psychic has a lot of credibility. She works at a kiosk, and she doesn't appear to charge for her services, but I think I am a better judge of whether you and I are destined to be together, than her. And I brought proof. Seth: Happy early Valentine's Day, Summer. Summer: The mermaid poem. Seth: That's how I knew, even in fifth grade, that you were the one. That's pretty awesome, huh? Summer: Oh, my God. Seth: I know. Summer: I didn't write this. Seth: What? Summer: I remember that day. FLASH-BACK Summer: Okay, Holly, watch this. Holly: Oh, my God, Summer, you are Scary Spice. Ew, Taylor Dorkson alert. Ew. Taylor: Hey, Summer, are you finished with your poem? Summer: What poem? Taylor: The original poem that we're reading out loud. We're going in alphabetical order, and we're on "R." I already finished mine, even though I'm a "T." I may spend my night doing a polish. Teacher: Okay. We're going to start today with more readings of your original poems. Who are we up to? Summer Roberts. Summer. Summer: Give me your poem. Taylor: Summer, have you no ethics whatsoever? Summer: Okay, you can come to my birthday party. Taylor: Really Okay, here. Teacher: Summer, we're waiting. Summer: I wish I was a mermaid... Teacher: Speak up, Miss Roberts. Summer: I wish I was a mermaid and was friends with all the fish. A shiny tail and seashells, that would be my wish. Teacher: Lovely. FLASH-BACK'S END Seth: But this mermaid poem is... it's our roots, it's our mythology. Summer: What if our mythology is a sham? Something that we invented What if we are each other's Jimmy Cooper? Seth: What? Summer: You know, the one before the one. The one that you think is right before you meet your Sandy Cohen? Seth: Wait, are we saying that because Taylor wrote the poem, she's my Sandy Cohen? Because as delicious a twist as that would be, it's not going to happen. Summer: No. What I'm saying is what if we're not destined to be together? That is your cue, Seth, to say that I am wrong. I'm wrong, right? Cue to say I'm wrong, right? Seth: I don't know anymore. At Ryan's workplace Ryan: Julie, we're about to close up. Julie: I just wanted to talk to you. Look, I... I know you told Taylor that you were worried about me being involved with your father. Ryan: Nah, that's okay, it's over, so no need to talk about it. Julie: Right. It is over between us. Ryan: Good, I'm glad. Julie: But Ryan, I just wanted you to know that... I've been with my fair share of bad guys, and for the record, your dad isn't one of them. At Roberts' Taylor: Hey. Ryan: Hi. So what's the plan? Taylor: The Frank and Julie plan? Ryan: Yep. Taylor: Yay, you're on board! Ryan: I talked to Julie. Taylor: So did I. Lady has a case of the Franks. But lucky for us it's Valentine's Day tomorrow. Ryan: So she'll be going out with Bullit, right? Taylor: We'll just get rid of Bullit and then we will get Frank and Julie together for the most romantic night ever. So you come over after work, and in the meantime, I'll start making lists. All right, I'll see you later. Ryan: Toodles. Kaitlin: 'Sup? Taylor: Kaitlin, were you... eavesdropping? Kaitlin: Look, my mom loves the Bullit, okay? He's rich and he's funny and it's a total slam dunk. Taylor: Okay, sweetie, it's a little more complicated than that. Kaitlin: Not to me. Listen, Townsend, I'm playing for Team Bullit, okay? And my team, we always win. Taylor: Well, Ryan and I are playing for Team Frank, and our team always wins. Kaitlin: That's funny, because you're going down. Taylor: Are you thrat us? Kaitlin: Totally. It's wr, bitch. At Cohen's - Seth's bedroom Kirsten: Hi, honey. Seth: Whoa. Pancakes? When is this Valentine's Day tradition going to die? Kirsten: I'm sorry that I've been babying you lately. I'm just feeling a little motherly. Seth: That's okay, I'm feeling a little sulky, so we're a good match. Kirsten: Summer's going through something, isn't she? Seth: She's wondering if I'm her Sandy Cohen or her Jimmy Cooper. Kirsten: Well, I hope I didn't worry her. So how about you? Are you okay? Seth: Well, Summer and I have this history, or at least I thought we did. These things that happened to us when we were kids that convinced me we were meant to be together. Now if those things turn out not to be true... Kirsten: Seth, how long have you dated Summer? Seth: Uh, February... like a million years. Kirsten: And in that time, how many things has Summer doneto convince you that she's the girl for you? Seth: A lot. Kirsten: So I think you should focus on that. The real Summer, and not the one that you worshipped in grade school. You know what I think? Seth: What? Kirsten: I think that you found your Sandy Cohen. Seth: Aw, aw, me, too. Mm, Mom, why'd you and Jimmy Cooper break up, anyways? It doesn't matter. FLASH-BACK Jimmy: Sorry I'm late. Your dad's working me to the bone. Kirsten: Not even paying you. Jimmy: That's an internship for you. He'll make it up to meafter college when I sign my life away to the Newport Group. Kirsten: Jimmy, we need to talk. I don't know if I can do this anymore. Jimmy: Do what? Kirsten: Us. I need to end this. Jimmy: What are you talking about? We have a plan. Go to college. Come back here, pick up where we left off. Kirsten: Jimmy, on paper, all of that makes sense. But in my heart it just doesn't feel right. Jimmy: I don't understand. Kirsten: You don't just wake up one morning and decide to change your entire life. Jimmy: Whatever it is, we'll figure it out together. Kirsten: It's already been figured out. I know what I want to do. Jimmy: Kirsten, what's going on? Kirsten: I got into Berkeley. Jimmy: And you're going? Jimmy leaves and Kirsten had an abortion. FLASH-BACK'S END At Roberts' Summer: Don't you see we are supposed to control our own destiny? Mm-hmm. Or else what's the point of life if it's just something that happens to you? Maria: Summer? You have a visitor. Summer: George. Paul: Hi. I'm Paul, I'm here for GEORGE. Summer: George? Paul: Yes, The Global Environmental Organization Regarding Greenhouse Emissions. We've been reading your blog about the sea otters. I was in the area and I'm here to offer you a job. We'd like you to come work for us. Summer: Oh... GEORGE. At Bullit's office Kaitlin: It doesn't matter who it is. All that you need to know is that the game has changed. If you want to marry my mom, you're going to have to step your game up. Gordon: Well, old Bullit knows how to romance a lady. I've been married five times. Check this out. Emerald earrings for your mom, matches her eyes. Kaitlin: Just toss these, all right? I want something better. I want out-of-the-box thinking. Gordon: Hot air balloon ride. Hot air balloon. A blimp? Oh, heck, squirt, all I care about is that your mom is happy and if I'm not the man for that... Kaitlin: No, Bullit, buck up. You want to marry my mom, right? Gordon: Of course. Kaitlin: And you want to be my stepdad. Gordon: And play ping-pong with you till I'm old and gray. Hell, yeah. Let's go. Kaitlin: Then we need to make a plan. I want nothing less than the most spectacular Valentine's date ever. Is one of those planes yours? Gordon: Two of 'em. Motel Taylor: Okay, they're gonna play the money card,</i> but we can play the emotion card. Frank: Am I right, Ryan? Ryan: Yeah, you're right. Taylor: Okay, Frank, tell me what it is that you love about Julie. Frank: Well, uh... She's, uh... Taylor: I forgot what we're dealing with here. Atwoods on Valentine's Day. Ryan: I told you. Frank: Look, I really appreciate this, but you guys don't have to do this for me. It's not your job. Ryan: We want to. Taylor: Mm, text from Kaitlin. "Y'all are going down. Team Bullit." Frank, if we're going to win, you need to give me something here. Frank: Okay, Julie's amazing. All right? She's... she's pretty. She totally gets me? Taylor: Come on. Dig deeper here! Look inside. What is it that connects you to her? Frank: We're just... from the same world. Yatch club Sandy: You barely touched your chicken. Kirsten: I guess I wasn't in the mood for it. Sandy: Well, you're feeling nauseous and tired. So I can't expect you to be dancing on the tables. If something else is bothering you, tell me. Kirsten: I hate keeping secrets from you. Sandy: I didn't know you were. Kirsten: There's one thing. Something that I, I never told you Sandy: Is this about Jimmy Cooper? Kirsten: Can we get the check and talk about this at home? Parking Julie: Thank you. Kaitlin: Mom, hold up. There's been a change in schedule. Julie: Kaitlin, what's up? Kaitlin: We have way cooler plans. And your ride should be here any second. Julir: What is this? What is this shirt? Kaitlin: Nothing, I'm just getting in the spirit of things. Last-minute ambush. Should have seen this coming. How'd you find us? Ryan: Taylor activated the GPS on your phone. Can I talk to you? Kaitlin: Damn GPS. I should have thought of that. Julie: What are you guys, the KGB? What's going on? Ryan: I'll explain. Kaitlin: Mom, whatever he says, do not listen to him. Ryan: Look, I know you have plans tonight, but I was hoping you'd cancel them. Julie: Oh, you found out about my case of the Franks. Ryan: He's waiting for you. He knows it's a long sht, but I said I'd try to get you to meet him. I'll drive if you want. Kaitlin: Mom, come on, your ride's here. Julie: Tell your dad that in another life I'd be there. I'm sorry. Kaitlin: Mm, told you, Atwood. My team always wins. Ryan: I guess so.Wait. What? Kaitlin: What the hell? In the limo Julie: Driver, could you turn the AC on, please? Taylor: Yeah, sure, Ms. Cooper. Parking Kaitlin: I cannot believe this. Ryan: Yeah, that's wr, bitch. Kaitlin: God, Ryan, how could you be so mean? I'm only 15. Ryan: Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Kaitlin: Me, either. You're going down. Ryan: Kaitlin... Kaitlin: I'm following your decoy limo. Ryan: Then I'll follow you! *** Julie: Did Bullit buy me a hot dog stand? Uh, driver, I don't think this is right. Taylor: You're here. Julie: Taylor? I don't know what to say. What is all this? Taylor: Go, say it, like we practiced. Go. Frank: Okay. Uh, this is sort of a testament to where we came from. But I really want tonight to be about where we could go. It's just a promise ring. I know it's not fancy. I wish I could offer you more, but this is all I have. And that is that I love you, the real you. Julie: Frank, I... Kaitlin: Mom, the Bullit's waiting. Julie: Frank, I'm sorry. I have one daughter left and she loves Bullit, even if I don't. I'm sorry, Frank. At Cohen's Kirsten: And then after we had Seth and we were trying for a second and nothing was happening, I thought it was some kind of karmic payback. Sandy: Well, now you know it doesn't work like that. Why didn't you ever say anything? Kirsten: Part of it was timing. It had only been a month. But then the best thing in the world happened to me. FLASH-BACK Sandy: Mondale and Ferraro. Mondale and Ferraro, path to equality. Kirsten: No, thanks. Sandy: What are you, a Republican? Oh, I'm sorry, did you catch it from your parents? I hear it's hereditary. Kirsten: I guess I did. Sandy: Well, if you don't want a pamphlet, here, have a pin, on me. Kirsten: I might wear it, but only because it's stylish. Sandy: You know, if you're not a pamphlet reader, I could take you to coffee...tell you all about why Mondale and Ferraro are gonna lose. Kirsten: If you're so sure they're gonna lose, why bother? Sandy: I don't know, it feels right. So... coffee? FLASH-BACK'S END Kirsten: I guess I had fate on my mind</i> when I got you this gift. Sandy: Where on Earth did you find this? Kirsten: I turned the house upside down. Sandy: If it hadn't been for Walter Mondale and Geraldine Ferraro, there never would have been a Seth Cohen. Kirsten: There wouldn't be a Ryan. Sandy: And whoever this is going to be... All because of that one day. My lucky day. Kirsten: My lucky day. At Roberts' - In Summer's bedroom Seth: Okay, I admit it-- I put way too much stock into that poem. Summer: I'm not the girl that you thought I was. Seth: You're not.You, Summer, are better. See, back then you were just this fantasy. You were this little girl, who, when I would see, you would either ignore me, or make an obscene gesture and keep on walking. Summer: Yeah, I kind of remember that, sorry. Seth: But now look at you. You fight for sea otters. You've befriended Taylor Townsend. You're an incredible mom to that bunny. Summer: I guess I have changed. Seth: You've evolved. And over the last 950 days we've been dating... and, yes, I've counted and yes, I counted the Zach era, because, really, who were we kidding? I've watched you grow into this incredible woman. And that is who I love. Summer: Thanks, Cohen. Seth: What's wrong? Summer: I met GEORGE. Seth: I'll k*ll him. Summer: This guy came by from GEORGE to recruit me. He heard about my work with the sea otters and invited me to travel across the country and talk to college kids about voting next November. Seth: What about Brown? Summer: I'd have to defer a year, live on a bus. Seth: Sounds like a great gig. Summer: I don't know that we could see each other. Seth: So you have to choose between me and GEORGE. Summer: That's the thing I don't know that I have to. I do believe that you are my destiny, I do, Seth. But I just don't know that you're my only destiny. Here. Happy Valentine's Day. I picked couples through time. Seth: Oh, and where are we? Summer: I was hoping that someday we could go in the middle. In the limo Kaitlin: So can I tell you what Bullit's surprise is? I can't hold it any longer. Julie: Sure. Kaitlin: His plane is sitting on the tarmac gassed up and ready to take you anywhere in the world. Mom, you're going to be spendingValentine's Day anywhere in the world that you want to go. I mean, that's pretty amazing. Julie: Yeah. Yeah, it really is. Kaitlin: No. Mom... At the airport Gordon: Squirt, where the heck's your mom? Kaitlin: I know I asked you to be my stepdad. Do you mind being my friend instead? Gordon: So Julie's had enough of the old Bullit, eh? Kaitlin: We can still play ping-pong together. Gordon: Come on. You know, I let you win. Kaitlin: No, you don't. Gordon: Yes, I do. Kaitlin: In your dreams. Gordon: You ever see that movie Casablanca? Kaitlin: No. Gordon: It goes like this: Peanut, "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship". Parking Ryan: Come on, luck be a lady, luck be a lady. Oh! I can't believe this, I didn't win. Frank: Shocking. Taylor: Well, if it's any consolation, though, this soft serv is outstanding. Would anyone like seconds? Ryan: Yeah, I would. Frank: Yeah, me, too. Thank you. Ryan: Sorry things didn't work out with you and Julie. Frank: Hey... I'm sitting here sharing ice cream with my kid. It's been a long time since I've done that. Tell me that's her. Ryan: That's her. Frank: I'm suddenly nervous. Ryan: You're going to be great. Julie: I'm having the strangest craving for a corn dog. Frank: There may be one left. Seat? Taylor: How about that? Fourth quarter, Team Frank comes through in the clutch. Ryan: Oh, yeah. Taylor: True love on Valentine's Day. What more could you ask for? Ryan: Yeah... Hey, uh, so, you know, we reserved the limo for another two hours. What do you say we drive down the beach? Taylor: Uh, that sounds suspiciously like a Valentine's Day date to me. I don't know, that might make us break up. Ryan: What if I said... I had newfound faith? Taylor: I would say I agree. Ryan: I have newfound faith. Taylor: I agree. Okay. Onward, Jeeves. Yes, yes, yes, to the beach. End of the episode	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x13 - The Case of the Franks"}	foreverdreaming
72 HOURS EARLIER At the shopping center Summer: I'm not buying you lingerie for your birthday. That's just weird. Taylor: Okay, that's fine. I told you, you don't have to buy me anything. You and Ryan are throwing me a birthday party and that's enough. Summer: Look, I know you've never had a birthday party before, let alone been to one, but usually people get presents for their birthday, so will you please tell me what you want? Taylor: Okay, honestly, I want Ryan to ask me to go to Berkeley with him next year. Summer: Okay, I was thinking more along the lines of a cute top. Taylor: I know, I know, it's just, I'm a planner, and I've already seeing that day six months in the future when we all go our separate ways. And I just know that if Ryan goes to Berkeley and I go to... Harvard or Princeton or Oxford, then it's over. Summer: Don't you have to apply to Berkeley first in order to... You already applied to Berkeley? Does Ryan know this? Taylor: No.I applied before we even started dating. I just got back from France and I figured, well, I had to go somewhere, so I reapplied to Princeton, Oxford,Yale, Harvard and the Sorbonne, and I figured why not throw Berkeley in? Summer: Um, hi. Can we get two coffees, please? Man: Uh, yeah. Summer: Okay. So you want to get Ryan to tell you that he wants you to go to Berkeley, without knowing that you already got in to Berkeley? Taylor: Exactly. Summer: And how're you going to do that? Taylor: Easy.I just need to get him to tell me that he loves me. Summer: Mm-hmm, Ryan talking about his feelings. Now that would be an earth-shattering event. Man: Careful, they're hot. Summer: Thank you. Taylor: Thanks. Summer: Did you see this about earthquake weather? You know, it's exactly this kind of voodoo science that lets politicians deny global warming. Taylor: Oh, my God, I know. And how many times have they predicted the big one, and it never happens. It almost makes you wish that it would. Generic Cohen's garden Ryan: Good morning. What's the occasion? Taylor: Just you're being so sweet throwing me a birthday party, and I wanted to thank you, so... Oh, my gosh, did I ever tell you about... Ryan: How you've never had a birthday party and you've always spent every birthday alone in your room watching Sixteen Candles and talking to a gypsy on the psychic hot line? Taylor: Yeah, I know, I'm a broken record. Just, you know, it really means a lot to me that you're doing this for me. Ryan: Well, Taylor, I'll tell you, planning your birthday party is not easy. I expect something in return. Taylor: Oh. Ryan: I expect to have my way with you. Taylor: Ryan! Ryan: Well, all that time and energy. Clowns, balloons, a magician... Taylor: Oh, oh, well, if there's a magician. It's kind of strange to think about all of this ending isn't it? Ryan: Hmm? Taylor: You, going off to Berkeley, me, whichever way the wind blows. Ryan: Well, it's still six months away. Taylor: Right, yeah. If only I had a crystal ball, huh? Maybe I should call Esmerelda from the psychic hot line. Ryan: This a really good croissant. Taylor: Don't you have the feeling that we're on the cusp of something and we just need to leap into the void? Ryan: Did you get these at Joe's? Taylor: Ryan, don't you have that feeling? Ryan: What? Taylor: That life is telling us to take a wild, impulsive jump into the unknown? Ryan: Not really. Taylor: So, you're good? You don't have a need to just let something explode out of you, consequences be damned? Ryan: What are we talking about? Taylor: Well, I was... I guess it's just my birthday and I'm getting sentimental. Ryan: All right, well, don't worry. It's going to be great. Okay? All right, I've got to go. Thanks for this. Hey, tonight, you want to do something? See a movie? Taylor: Yeah, sure, okay. Ryan: All right, great. At Roberts' Kaitlin: Oh, my God. Julie: Oh, hi, honey. Sorry, I didn't hear you coming down. Kaitlin: Mom, do you mind? Because I still have to eat in here. Julie: What can I get you? Kaitlin: You want some scrambled eggs or I could whip up some pancakes. Frank: You cook, too? That's amazing. Julie: It's just a talent I have. Frank: Yeah, one of many. Kaitlin: I'm seriously never going to stop barfing. Julie: Kaitlin, don't be gross. Kaitlin: Me? Gross? What's gross is Frank's dirty... germy convict bag is sitting on the counter. I mean, what, did the warden give that to you as a going-away present? Julie: Kaitlin... Frank: It's okay. It's okay. It shouldn't be on the counter. Though I actually got it at REI. Kaitlin: Well, why bother with a bag? You can just move in. You spend enough time here anyway. Julie: Young lady, apologize. Kaitlin: I'm sorry, Frank. Feel free to have as many conjugal visits as you'd like. Frank: You know, I... I should get going. I've got a job interview. Julie: I'll walk you out. Frank: Okay. Julie: And we'll talk later. At the gym Holly: Mrs. Cohen? Holly. I went to Harbor with Seth. Kirsten: Oh, hi. Holly: Hi, are you here for prenatal yoga? Kirsten: Oh, yes, I am. And you? Holly: Yes. I just found out. How far along are you? Kirsten: Oh, not-not very. I just found out, too. Holly: Well, this class is great. I told Missy, the instructor, I have worked way too hard for this body to just let it turn into some dumpy baby factory. I mean, who says I can't have a baby and a six pack? Kirsten: I should probably stretch before class. Holly: Well, hold on just a second. Hey, hos, come here. This is Mrs. Cohen. She just found out she's pregnant. Girl: Oh, my gosh! Other girl: Congratulations. And you're not even showing. Holly: So... should we let her in? Girl: Oh, yeah. Other girl: Totally. She's ripped. Holly: We formed a club. Promised ourselves we wouldn't turn out like Molly the Mammoth over there. Girl: In nine months I'm wearing my bikini. I don't care what anyone says. Other girl: And I told Jerry if I get too big, I'm inducing at eight months. It's much easier to lose the weight. Holly: So do you want in? We call ourselves the Six-Pack Pack. Isn't that like so cute? Don't you just want to barf? Kirsten: All the time. At Ryan's workplace Ryan: Summer, what's up? Summer: Hey. I am just picking up Seth. Taking him to an art exhibition, sponsored by GEORGE, the Global Environmental Organization regarding Greenhouse Emissions. Ryan: Seth's going to an art show. Summer: Well, yeah, I mean, he's going to art school, and I like the environment,so I thought it was the perfect date. Ryan: Sure. Summer: So are you ready for Taylor's party? Ryan: Oh, yeah, party's all set. Even got her a present. Summer: Really. Mind telling me what it is? Ryan: Well, you know, she likes translating those French love poems? I collected a few. Had them bound for her. Summer: Atwood, that is so romantic. You know, nothing is as romantic as the first time you tell someone you love them,though, huh? Ryan: I, uh... haven't told Taylor I love her. Summer: You haven't? Ryan: Has she said something? Summer: No. No, I-I just assumed. You guys have been together for a while and you seem pretty happy. I thought,"Why wouldn't you have said I love you?" I have an idea. Why don't you? Ryan: What? Summer: For her birthday. You should, because... the book of poems is awesome, but add that special little "I love you. As as girl,I don't know, me personally, I got chills. Ryan: Does Taylor expect me to tell her that I love her on her birthday? Summer: What? No. I don't know. I've got to go. At the shopping center Kaitlin: I can't stay, okay? Frank: Well, thanks for meeting me. Kaitlin: I wanted to talk to you alone. You're not going to do anything pervy are you? Frank: Kaitlin... I care about your mom. And considering my past, I understand why you're suspicious. Kaitlin: Look, I really don't care that you went to prison, all right? I mean, the bllet went to prison and he was awesome. You're just boring. Frank: I'm sorry, but it's just the way it is. Well, I have to say I don't think that's fair. You hardly know me. Kaitlin: Then say something funny. Frank: What? Kaitlin: Make me laugh. Frank: Fine. I don't know what interests a 15-year-old girl, but your mother doesn't think I'm boring. Kaitlin: Well, that's because you're sleeping with her. Frank: Can you not say that kind of thing? Kaitlin: Well, what do you want me to say? I mean, is it true in prison on your first day, you got to make someone your bitch? Or what about the whole dropping the soap thing? I mean, really,why don't you guys just install soap dispensers? Frank: Hey, I make your mom happy. I'm just asking for a chance here, Kaitlin. Kaitlin: Of course. If it makes my mom happy. At Roberts' Julie: Oh, my God. Oh... my God. Art's exposition Summer: It's so beautiful. Just forget how the ocean ties us all together. You know, he's so right. If we aren't good custodians for our planet, what right do we have to be here? Don't you think that was amazing? Seth: Mm-hmm. I give it a three. Summer: A three? He put a radio transmitter in a piece of trash, threw it into the ocean, followed it around for six years just to show how pollution travels. And you're giving it a three? Seth: I'm gonna give it a three-and-a-half, then. Summer: What about the part where he followed it through the oil fires in the Persian Gulf, and he got third-degree burns on his arms? Seth: I know, but the camera work was terrible, and what kind of film stock was he using? The oranges and reds totally bled together. Summer: He was just making a point to show the health of our planet. Seth: Yeah, but he's also making a movie,and as a movie, it sucks. Summer: Well, what about that one? Where the turtle adopted the hippo who was lost in the tsunami? Seth: Mm-hmm. That's pretty much the nature film equivalent of a chick flick. Summer: Okay. What about that? Where the family giraffes habitat was destroyed. Seth: Yeah, sht like a perfume ad. Summer: God, what is your problem,Seth? I just want you to get excited about something. Seth: I am, about things that are good. But I could do one of these doughnuts with both hands tied behind my back. Summer: Really?Prove it. Seth: What? Summer: Make a movie. Seth: Are you serious? Summer: Yeah. I want see you do it better. I want to go watch the penguins again, and don't you dare say anything. At Sandy's office Sandy: Hey, I didn't know you were coming by. I was just at Spitzy's office. You should have called. Is everything all right? Kirsten: The people in Newport are awful. Sandy: Honey, you're a little late to the party. I've been saying that for 20 years. Kirsten: Has it gotten worse? I mean, I know Julie and some of the othersare bad, but... Sandy: What happened? Kirsten: I was at this prenatal yoga class and these young women they're monsters. They wanted me to join the six-pack pack. Sandy: The what? Kirsten: And then they talk about inducing labor at eight months so that they don't have to gain weight. Can we raise another child around this? Sandy: Oh, honey, Newport's always had that element, and still we managed to have life. And not everybody's like that. You know what? Spitz has been wanting us to meet his wife. How about we do dinner tomorrow? Restore your faith in humanity. Kirsten: All right. Sandy: But more importantly, do you think they'll let me join the six-pack pack? I've been doing my sit-ups. Come on, ht me with your best sht. Go ahead, come on, wind up. I'm not a beast! At Cohen's Taylor: Oh, God, he really loves her. And she is never going to know how he feels, because he can't tell her. Isn't that tragic? Ryan: Yep. Taylor: I mean, how could you do that? How could you just let the love of your life slip away because you were too afraid to tell them how you really felt? Ryan: Well, maybe she's better off. Taylor: Uh-huh. Did you get that from the scene where she was about to be brned at the stake? Ryan: No, she's a beautiful woman, he's a hunchback who lives in a bell tower. The chances of it working out... Taylor: Yeah, but he doesn't know that. If he at least told her how he felt, then maybe there would be a way to work things out. You know, they could have a life together. Or you know, at least four more years. Why did you save me? Ryan: But the archbishop... Taylor: Ryan, I'm not talking about the movie. It's... There's just moments in everyone's life, and if you just let them slip away, then... then they're gone forever. And that's the tragic thing about life. Don't you feel that way? Ryan: Taylor.I...missed the last part of the movie Would you mind rewinding it a little? Taylor: Sure. Ryan: Thanks. Taylor: Lonely, huh? Better get used to it, buddy. At Roberts' Summer: Good morning. Taylor: If you say so. Summer: What's that? Taylor: This is the obituary for mine and Ryan's relationship. A rose, plucked before its time. Summer: Uh-huh, English? Taylor: I wrote a letter to the Dean of Berkeley, telling him that I must respectfully decline the scholarship, and he should offer it to the next candidate. Summer: So you're saying no? What happened with Ryan? Taylor: I tried, Summer, I really did. The moment was upon us. We were staring into each other's eyes,and... And he just didn't say it. You know, sometimes I just want to grab him and tie him to a chair and sht him full of sodium pentathol and see what spills out. Summer: Why don't you? Taylor: You don't think it's too crazy? Because I was thinking if the two of us just tackled him and then we could tie him down... Summer: I wasn't talking literally. Taylor: Oh. Summer: Do you love him? Taylor: Yeah, I really do. Summer: Do you think he loves you? Taylor: Well, sometimes he grabs my handand he squeezes it for no reason. I mean, what else could that mean? Summer: Okay. So we just need to loosen his tongue a little. Taylor: But how are we going to... Summer Roberts, you bad thing. Summer: Okay, you know what, a trip to the Robert's wine cellar is in order. At Cohen's Sandy: What the hell is he doing? Ryan: Morning. Sandy: Morning. Hey, are y all right? Ryan: Yeah, it's just a cramp. Sandy: How far did you go? Ryan: Mm, nine, ten miles. Sandy: Oh. Wouldn't it be easier if you just said,"Sandy, there's something bothering me. Can you give me some advice?" Ryan: Yes, it would,but where's the fun in that? Sandy: Let me guess. You're trying to decide if you love Taylor so you can tell her on her birthday. Ryan: Huh? Sandy: You've been dating for a while, things are good, birthday's tomorrow. Bingo. Ryan: Yeah. You're good. Sandy: So? Do you love her? Ryan: Uh, honestly I'm scared. Sandy: Good, you should be. Ryan: That's reassuring. Sandy: Well, it might be the most powerful thing you can say to another person. It changes everything. Now for heaven's sake, if you don't feel it,don't say it. Ryan: Yeah, it's just I think she's expecting it. Sandy: And to not say it... It's like saying you don't love her. Ryan: Exactly. Sandy: Well, do you care about her? Ryan: Of course. Sandy: Do you enjoy being with her? Ryan: More than with anyone. Sandy: Tell her that. It won't be exactly what she wants to hear,but it'll be honest. Ryan: All right. Sandy: Can you tell me something? Ryan: Sure. Sandy: Do you have any idea why Seth is filming the pool? ** Seh: Hey, check it out, man. Summer challenged me to make this pretentious art film, so I'm making one called Six Hours In The Pool. Ryan: Sounds great. Seth: Yeah, I'll tell you about it later. Uh, Taylor called. She wants you to go over there for dinner. Ryan: Oh, okay. Seth: Yeah. Okay. Ah, it's perfect. At Roberts' Julie: Look, Frank, I get that men have urges, and I imagine prison is one of those places where those urges get twisted, but... Frank: Julie... Julie: I've never even heard of clown prn. I mean that photo where they're all stuffed into the little car... Frank: It's not mine. Julie: Oh, really? It was just in your bag, along with... this? I mean, which one of us is supposed to wear this? Frank: Julie, none of this is mine. Julie: So someone just went into your bag, planted a wig and some really bad clown prn. Who would...? Oh... Kaitlin. Frank: Julie, it's all right. Julie: No, Frank, it's not. My daughter is trying to sabotage this relationship. And where would she get her hands on clown prn? Frank: She's just hazing me, you know? It'll be good for me to show her that I can take it. It'll blow over. It's not serious. Julie: Did you see p.50? At Cohen's Summer: How much more of this is there? Seth: Five hours and 58 minutes. What are you doing? Summer: I'm not going to sit here and watch six hours of the pool. I told you to become engaged in something. Instead, you just set up a tripod. Seth: It's a satire. It's a comment on the lack of artistic rigor... Summer: No, it's you being lazy. How many naps did you take while you made this? Seth: I took two to res... Do you feel like you're overreacting a little bit? I mean, what does it really matter? Summer: That's the problem, Seth. You did this because you chose the path of least resistance. You know, you could have made a movie about anything in your life, and instead you chose this. Seth: So what am I supposed to do? Follow Ryan around with a camera until he punches someone? Summer: Yes, anything that engages you in the world. Seth: What is the point? Summer: Well, if nothing else,it's important to me. Yatch club Sandy: Thanks. Mr. Spitz. Jason: How are you? Kirsten, how's it going? Kirsten: Hello, Jason. Jason: Listen, you guys, I want you to meet my wife, com. Carrie: No way, really? Well, then what did she say? Jason: Honey, honey. Carrie: Oh, my God. What a complete ho-bag. Jason: Honey. Carrie: I got to go. Call me back. Love you, bitch. Hi. I am so sorry. Jason: Kirsten and Sandy Cohen, this is Carrie, my wife. Carrie: So nice to meet you. Sandy: You, too. Carrie: That was my girlfriend. She's having trouble dating this guy, and the guy's wife is all like, uh, "I'll kll you." Sandy: Wow, I imagine that could be a little hard to handle. Carrie: Oh, whatever. Not my problem. Kirsten: So, Carrie, you're from Newport? Carrie: Oh, yeah, born and bred. Kirsten: Really. Interesting. Carrie: Oh, now, Sandy, let's get to it. How can we convince Jason here to get out of that soup kitchen he calls an office and get a real job? At Roberts' Ryan: Oh, thanks, that's good. Taylor: For luck. Ryan: Uh, actually, I'm not that big a wine drinker. Taylor: I know, you can't have coq au vin without the vin. Ryan: Well, that's true. Taylor: Okay. Ryan: You know, I feel kind of bad, you making dinner the day before your birthday. Taylor: No, it's my pleasure. Absolutely. Oh, sorry. Ryan: It's okay. Taylor: I'm nervous 'cause I've never cooked for you before. Okay, cheers. Ryan: Oh, yeah. Taylor: Whoo, bottoms up. Mmm. Tasty. Ryan: So, uh...Oh, that's... So, Taylor, there's something I want to talk to you about. Taylor: No, let's save all the serious conversation for after dinner. We don't want it to get cold. Ryan: Okay. Taylor: Hmm, I think I need another sip. Wow, do you detect a hint of blackberries? Ryan: Mm, no, I don't. Taylor: Try it. It's fun, come on. Ryan: Uh... Okay. Mm. Nope, no blackberries. Taylor: I think you need to take a bigger sip. Yatch club Sandy: You still go to your sorority rush? Carroie: Sandy, sisterhood doesn't just end with graduation. A Tri-Delt once, a Tri-Delt forever. Oh, but last year,I got so sick. Totally embarrassing. Kirsten: I can only imagine. Carrie: And I thought,"Carrie, what gives?" Can't you hold your liquor anymore? Ugh! And then I realized it was just morning sickness. Was that a relief. Sandy: You know, I'm afraid it's getting a little late for us. Carrie: Oh, no, no,no, no. You are not running away. This great bar just opened up on Ocean. When was the last time you two did tequila poppers? Sandy: Maybe another time. Carrie: Oh, tell me you're not bailing because you're pregnant. I mean, no offense, but that is lame. Jason: Carrie, no. Carrie: What?It's lame. Kirsten: Actually, I'm an alcoholic. Carrie: Oh, God. Me, too. Hey, after you have that thing, we should totally go out. You know, without the two dish rags. Oh, God! Can you just take that thing outside? Oh, don't freak. I'm not a psycho.It's our baby. Jason: When we go out with the baby, Carrie likes to have the nurse sit nearby,a few tables away. Kirsten: Oh, you know,Sandy, I'm-I'm, uh, suddenly... I'm, I'm not feeling well. Sandy: I'd better get you home. Thank you both for an unforgettable evening. Jason, I'll talk to you Monday. Jason: Yeah. Well,good night,and... Carrie: Hey, Kirsten,uh, remember,you can call me for baby advice anytime. Kirsten: Sure. Carrie: Losers. At Roberts' Taylor: I don't understand how you're not drunk. Ryan: Oh, it's the Atwood genes. We're built to withstand massive quantities of alcohol. Taylor: Ooh. Here we go. Here's the bed. Okay, all right. Now we're just gonna... Whoa. That's good. Taylor: But if I can't get you drunk, you'll never tell me you love me. Ryan: Oh, Taylor. Taylor: I know, I know. Bad Taylor. I shouldn't have tried to get you drunk. Just like I shouldn't have pretended to be your sleep therapist, or rented Roger the hm, or stalked you wearing a Groundhog costume, or... What else did I do? Ryan: I-I think that's it. Taylor: I'm going to go to sleep now. Oh. Good-bye, Ryan. It was nice. Ryan: Taylor. Taylor? Are you pretending to go to sleep, thinking I'll tell you I love you while you're unconscious? Taylor: Maybe. Don't laugh at me. Ryan: I'm not. Taylor: It's hard dating someone who doesn't tell you how they feel and always having to interpret hand squeezes and... Ryan: I love you. Taylor: What? Ryan: I love you. Taylor: You do? Ryan: Uh, yeah. Taylor: I can't believe you just said it. Ryan: Neither can I. Taylor: Oh, I love you, too. Ryan: Oh, good. Taylor: Yay!Yay! Now we can go to Berkeley together. Ryan: What? Taylor: Yeah.Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got into Berkeley. I applied, and I got this letter, and put it on my desk and... At Cohen's Seth: Ryan Atwood. His face betrays no emotion, but what passions lurk behind those eyes? Answering that is the purpose of this film. Come with me, my friends. Ryan: I thought the movie was about the pool. Seth: Summer didn't really take to six hours of the pool. She wanted me to make a movie in which I engage with people. What is Ryan Atwood wrapping so intently? Taylor's birthday present. Ah, Taylor Townsend, the fast-talking Eve Harrington who melted Ryan Atwood's heart. Tell us, Ryan,how does it feel to have Dean Hess's sloppy seconds? Or what did you get her? Either one. Ryan: Um... well, uh, one of her hobbies is translating French love poems, so I had them bound for her. Seth: Wow. That is really romantic. Ryan: Well, it's, it's not that romantic. Seth: Are you kidding? You may as well tell her you love her. Ryan: It's, uh, it's actually a little late for that. Seth: What? Ryan: Yeah. At Roberts' Summer: And then what happened? Taylor: Well, we finished dinner and he still wasn't drunk, so I suggested a drinking game. I called it "Drink." Whenever I said "drink," we drank. Summer: Simple but effective. Taylor: Yeah, a little too effective. I ended up on the coffee table singing "Part of Your World" and telling him he was my Prince Eric. Summer: Uh, did he say it? Taylor: Yes. Summer: He did?! Taylor: Yeah! Summer: Oh, my God, that's amazing. Ow. Ryan told you he loved you. Taylor: I know. I mean, I think he said it. At Cohen's Ryan: Yeah, this feeling just kind of came over me and... I couldn't stop myself. Seth: So why the long face? You regretting it? Ryan: Well... it turns out she applied to Berkeley without telling me, and now... Seth: Your spur-of-the-moment "I love you" issuddenly committing you to four more years. The plot thickens. Ryan: I'm not saying it'd be bad. It just seems like all of a sudden we're going mach five. Seth: You'd like to turn down the heat a little. At Roberts' Taylor: He definitely said it. Summer: Absolutely. Taylor: I think. Summer: Well, don't you think you'd remember? Taylor: I don't know; it hurts. Summer, what am I going to do? I can't just ask him, by the way, did you tell me you loved me last night? Because I was too plastered to remember. Summer: Right. Okay. Today's your birthday right? And I happen to know that he got you a crazy, romantic present. So when you open it tonight, why don't you just be like "Oh, my gosh, Ryan, I love you," and if he said it last night, he'll say it again. Taylor: You're a genius. Summer: Yes, I am; it's all up here. It's just there might be one other tiny little thing. At Cohen's Seth: I'm not saying take it back, but today's her birthday, right? So she's going to be interpreting every little thing. So maybe you send her a message. For instance, that sends the message "You're the only girl in the world for me. Let's move to a co-op in Berkeley." Is that what you want to say? We go off Ryan Atwood. What will he do? How will this situation resolve itself? At Roberts' Summer: You said something about Berkeley? Taylor: I'm not sure. Maybe I was just talking about him going to Berkeley. That would make sense, right? Julie: Morning, girls. Happy birthday, Taylor. Taylor: Thanks, Julie. Julie: Oh, I gave the mailman that letter from the counter. Taylor: What letter? The letter to Berkeley? Julie: Yeah, I think so. Taylor: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. * Taylor: Uh-uh! Mister! Mail carrier, sir. Excuse me, please. Um, could you wait? Hi. I'm sorry. Um, a woman in that house where I live just gave you a letter that she shouldn't have,and, uh, I kind of need it back. Man: Ma'am, once the letter goes in the pouch, it's the property of the Federal government. Taylor: Okay, and I totally understand that, but if you take that letter, I am going to lose my place at Berkeley and the chance to be with the man I love and who I think loves me, and, and 15 years from now, when he is trapped in a loveless marriage and I have become a cold, hard ice queen for whom love is no more than a distant memory, it will come down to the fact that on this morning, which coincidentally happens to be my birthday, you obeyed the letter of the law at the expense of simple, human charity. Man: Wow, that was amazing. Taylor: Can I have my letter now? Man: Yeah, sure. At Cohen's Frank: Hey. Ryan: I didn't know you were a runner. Frank: Yeah,it helps me to work stuff out You should try it. Ryan: Maybe I will. Everything okay? Frank: Yeah. No, I was just,uh, nearby. I figured I'd stop in and say hello, ask your advice on winning over a 15-year-old Newport girl. Ryan: Kaitlin giving you trouble? Frank: Well, things with Julie are great, and I-I'm so grateful to you and Taylor,but Caitlin, she just... I don't know,she just seems to want to shut me out. And I know that you have some experience with the Cooper women, so... Ryan: Well, a Porsche would probably do the trick. Frank: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's not really in my budget. Ryan: Well, Kaitlin's had a tough year. You know. Once she sees that her mom's happy, she'll come around. Just be patient. Frank: Ah... suddenly a Porsche sounds like a bargain. Ryan: Right. Uh, look,I, I got to get going, help set up Taylor's party. Frank: Oh, sure. Is that, is that her present? Ryan: Oh, yeah, it's, uh... she translated these French love poems so I had them bound in leatherfor her. Frank: Oh, my son the romantic. Ryan: Yeah. Frank: So I'll, uh, see you tonight. Ryan: Yeah. It's not that romantic. At the shopping center Summer: Taylor, it's going to be fine. Ryan's going to give you a really romantic present, tell you he loves you, and you guys are going to wind up going to Berkeley together. Don't worry. Taylor: Okay, yeah, I know. Do you think I should act surprised when I go to the party? Summer: But it's not a surprise party. Taylor: Well, I know, but it might make Ryan feel good. Summer: Okay, it's a great idea. Taylor: Ah! * Everyone: Happy birthday! Happy birthday.Happy birthday. Taylor: Oh, my God, what a surprise. Sandy: Oh, I didn't know it was a surprise party. Summer: Just go with it, okay? It's Taylor. Ryan: Happy birthday. Taylor: This is a-amazing. Ryan: Yeah, well, you deserve it. You got a lot of birthdays to catch up on. Taylor: Is everything okay? Ryan: Yeah, absolutely. Let me get you a drink. Taylor: Okay. Julie: Happy birthday. Taylor: Thank you. Kaitlin: Happy birthday. * Sandy: We can move. I mean it. Ryan and Seth will be gone in six months. We could put the house on the market, throw a dart at the map. Maybe it's time. Kirsten: But this is our home. Sandy: So? We'll make some place new our home. You know? We'll still have our memories. Kirsten: But when Ryan and Seth come home for the holidays, I want them to come home to that house. Sandy: It was an idea. Kirsten: Well, thanks, Sandy. I just don't think I can. * Taylor: Oh, my God. It's a replica of the green destiny sword from Crouching Tiger. Oh, my God, thank you so much Seth. Seth: Glad you like it. Taylor: It's so neat. Summer: Open Ryan's present. Taylor: Okay. Where is it? Ryan: Oh, no, no, no. It's okay. Kirsten: Ryan's embarrassed. Ryan: No, it's just, it's um, personal. Sandy: Well, I hope so. Taylor: Oh, my God. It's a... It's a dictionary? Kirsten: That is practical. Ryan: Yeah, the guy said that it, um, had more words than others. Sandy: Well, that's good, being as it is a dictionary. Seth: It's red-- that's a cool color. * Summer: I still love him, you know? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this. Kirsten: No, I understand. I worry about him a lot. Summer: You know, I know making this movie just seems so stupid, but I just wanted him to get excited about something, you know? Anything. Kirsten: Just give him a chance. Seth will find his way. Summer: I hope so. He just seems a little lost. * Kaitlin: Those are mine. Julie: What do you think you're doing? Kaitlin: What? The guy likes clown prn. I think everyone should know. Julie: Do you have any idea how humiliated Frank would be if he saw, or if Ryan saw it? It's his father, Kaitlin. Kaitlin: Whatever. Julie: Do not walk away from me. I've tried to be understanding. I'm sorry if Frank isn't as hilarious as Bullit was. Kaitlin: It's not even about that. Julie: Then what is it? Is it the money? Kaitlin: Mom, look at us. In the past year we've lost Dad, we've lost Marissa, we had Dr. Roberts and we lost him. And then we got the Bullit, lost him. What makes you think that this guy is going to stick around any longer? Julie: Kaitlin, am I crazy, or did you say that it was okay for me to date Frank? Kaitlin: Yes, to date him. But it's been a week and he's practically living in our house. Like he's family. He is not family You and I are. I mean, why can't we just act like that for a little while? Frank: Hey. They're about to bring out the cake. Everything okay? Julie: Yes, everything's fine. Kaitlin, why don't you go back inside. Ryan: Taylor. Taylor, I'm sorry. Taylor: I'm not crazy, right? Last night, you did tell me you loved me. Ryan: Yeah, I did. Taylor: Okay, then what? Are you trying to send me a message? Do you wish you hadn't said it? Ryan: No. Last night when I told you... You mentioned going to Berkeley. Taylor: God, I knew it. Ryan, yes, I applied to Berkeley months ago. Before you and I ever started dating. Ryan: Oh. Taylor: And then, this, you and I happened, and I thought, I don't know, maybe. And I guess I should have told you, but I really needed to know exactly how you felt first. Ryan: I just think our planning to go to college together, it's a big decision. Taylor: Would you have said you loved me if you'd known I'd gotten in to Berkeley? Great. Wow, okay. I'm just going to go. Ryan: Taylor. * Summer: She's coming. Come on. This is where you blow out the candles and make a wish. Taylor: I'm sorry. * Sandy: Don't worry. Kirsten and I will square up things here. Ryan: All right, great. Thanks. And I gave Seth the car to help carry the presents. Sandy: So where you going now? Ryan: Uh, I don't know. I'll see you later. * Ryan: Hey. You okay? Kaitlin: Yeah. Sure. But by the looks of it, you and I aren't going to be brother and sister any time soon. Ryan: Oh, no. What happened? Kaitlin: Honestly? It was me. I mean, look, Ryan, I have absolutely nothing against your dad. It's just I really didn't want to rush into an insta-family again. I mean, how long would this one last? Like a month? Ryan: Well, you never know. I, uh, moved in with the Cohens and I gave it a week. Here I am. Kaitlin: I just wish there was a way you could tell if it was all going to work out. Ryan: Yeah, but there isn't. But I promise you, I will always be your brother, in a completely, non-creepy way. Julie: Kaitlin, honey, could I talk to you? Kaitlin: Yeah. Wait, Ryan, as your sister, if you don't tell Taylor that you love her, you're an idiot. Ryan: Oh. Julie: She's right. At Cohen's Summer: Oh, no. Seth, I'm so sorry you had to overhear that. Seth: No, it's all right. I mean it's true. Summer: What I was going to say is, I think what you made is really good. Seth: Yeah, there's no coherent theme. Most of the shts are too wide and the Dogma thing has been done to death. But you know, I get that you wanted me to find something that I'm passionate about, the way you're passionate about the environment. Summer: But you love movies. Seth: I do. I love going to them and then telling people what's wrong with them. Summer: What is it? Seth: I could be a critic. Summer: You mean spending your whole life watching movies and telling people how terrible they are? Seth: Yeah, that sounds awesome. Summer: I just want you to find something that you really care about. Seth: You want to go rent An Inconvenient Truth? Summer: Yes, I love that movie. Seth: I just want to count the number of gratuitously soulful shts of Al Gore staring out an airplane window. Summer: Do not insult Al Gore. Jettey Kaitlin: So what did you tell Frank? Julie: I told him we needed to slow it down. Kaitlin: Mom, if you really like him... Julie: I do. And he's not going away. But I told him that right now I need to be spending some time with my daughter. Kaitlin: Does that include buying me ice cream? Julie: Absolutely. At Roberts' Taylor: The hermit? My soul card's the hermit? Are you kidding me? Okay, Esmerelda, I'd better go. I guess I'll call you next year. Come in. Ryan: Hey, I hope I'm not interrupting. Taylor: No. Ryan: I got you something. Taylor: Okay... Wait, these are all poems that I've translated. Ryan: I collected them, recopied them, had them bound. Taylor: Ryan, this is amazing. Are you sure this is from you? Ryan: Taylor, I'm sorry. I freaked out. What I said last night, I meant. Taylor: Really? Ryan: I love you. And I don't want to lose you. So let's put it all on the table. Berkeley, Paris, Oxford, anything. Taylor: I don't know what to say. Ryan: That's a first. Jettey Kaitlin: Oh, my God, Mom. Julie: It's okay, it's just... It's an earthquake. Get in here. Kaitlin: Mom! Julie and Kaitlin take refuge in the ice-cream's store while Ryan and Taylor are at Roberts'. Seth and Summer are in the car while Sandy comes to the aid of Kirsten who felt at the mall. The earthquake is a rare intensity. End of the episode.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x14 - The Shake Up"}	foreverdreaming
At Roberts' Taylor: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Ryan. Oh, my God. Ryan: It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. It's all right. Uh, okay, I'm going to count to three and you're going to get out of here, okay? Taylor: No, no, no, you're goingto hurt yourself. Ryan: Don't have a choice. All right, one, two, three. Taylor: Okay, okay. Ryan: Go. Go, go, go, go. Taylor: Ryan Ryan? Are you okay? Ryan: Yeah. Yeah. You? Taylor: Yeah. I'm fine, thanks to you. Hey, Ryan? Ryan: Mm-hmm. Taylor: I'm sorry I was all, "Oh, my God, Oh, my God." 'Cause usually I'm very good in a crisis. But I just started thinking about if anything happened to you and I don't know what I would do. Ryan: It's okay, we're both okay. Taylor: It's just that grace under fre is a very important quality and I don't want you to think that I'm lacking in it, because we might encounter all sorts of crisis when we're away together, like, at college. Oh, my God, is that blood? I faint at the sight of blood. Ryan: Oh, no, no, no, it's just glitter. Taylor. I'm okay. All that stuff we put on the table just now, let's, uh, let's talk about it later, okay? Taylor: Right, yeah. That's probably a good idea, when, you know, the power's back on and we're not sitting in rubble. Ryan: Um, I'm going to call Kirsten and Sandy. Where's my jacket? Oh, gross. Sorry. Taylor: You know, I've actually stockpiled some rudimentary supplies in case of, you know, the Apocalypse or whatever. I got all sorts of stuff in there. Got extra tennis shoes and flashlights and canned goods and... A space heater... Ryan: I'm not... Hey... getting good reception here. I'm going to step out in the hall. Taylor: Okay... Jettey Reporter: Yes, Orange County, as you probably figured out, that was an earthquake. So far, no reports of fatalities, but power is out, cell lines are jammed and the roads are for emergency vehicles only. As more information comes in we'll relay it to you. So if you're safe, stay calm and stay put. Sandy: So we got our marching orders and our staying put orders. So no one's to leave the plaza unless they have to. Woman: What are we going to do with everyone? People are scared. They'll get hungry. And what about looters? Sandy: We just have to get organized. Also, keep the radio on and gather up anything you think might be useful: flashlights, blankets, water, batteries, you'll be fine. Kirsten: I can't get through to either of the boys. Sandy: Well, keep trying. How about you? We should get you to the hospital. Kirsten: I'm fine, it's just a bump on the head. Mine. Not his or hers. Ryan, where are you? They're at the Cooper house with Taylor. Sandy: Tell him to stay there. Kirsten: Okay. Just stay there, okay. Sandy: Seth? Seth: Hey, Dad. Yeah, yeah, we're okay. I wish I could say the same for Ryan's car though. How's Mom? And Ryan? Ryan and Taylor are at your house. Yeah, sounds good, we'll do that. All right, take care. Summer: Found a flashlight. Seth: I can see that. Which is good, 'cause we can use it. We're going to have to get back to my house on foot. My dad thinks we should get off the streets. Summer: Why? Did he hear something? About aftershocks or looters or... Seth: Zombies? I know, that was my first thought, too. But no, it's just a precaution. It's Ryan. Summer: Is everyone okay? Seth: Yeah, we just have to make a little change of plans. Generic In the street Summer: Your dad said to go home. Seth: But I think we should all be together. Summer: This is a bad idea. Seth: We're almost there. Summer: No, we're not. Seth: It's just a few more minutes. Summer: Well, I know where my house is okay? Look, I command you to stop this bike. I'm sorry, okay but I'm starting to get a little creeped out. Not that I don't want to play Pictionary by candlelight and raid Taylor's Apocalypse kit, but I think we should just go to your house. Seth: Okay, but I'm still awaiting on news of Pancakes. Summer: Pancakes? You said Ryan said everyone was fine. Seth: I know, but I don't know that he included rodents in his head count, so I texted him to be sure. Summer: And? Seth: And I'm still waiting on the reply. Summer: Maybe I should pedal. You look a little tired. Fine. Go! Ice cream shop Julie: Frank, hi, it's Julie. I hope you're okay. Kaitlin and I are fine, I mean, we're trapped at the ice cream store on the pier, but we're fine. I guess help is probably on the way. Okay, well... take care, bye. Kaitlin: Look, I understand why you keep on calling Summer and the Cohens, but why Frank? I mean, weren't you guys supposed to take it down a notch? Julie: Kaitlin, just because we're pulling things back a little bit doesn't mean that we've stopped caring about each other. I'm sure wherever Frank is, he's worried about us, just like I am about him. And Kaitlin: I am about myself, because we're stuck here with him. Gary: The back door is stuck, too. Looks like there's no way out. We're trapped. Kaitlin: Figures. Julie: We can't just sit here waiting to be rescued. Kaitlin: Totally. No, we should start eating all the melting ice cream. I want a gold medal ribbon on a... Gary: Sugar cone, I know. Kaitlin: Creepy, but convenient. Okay, ice-cream guy, start scooping. Gary: It's Gary, my name. Julie: Okay. I'm thinking the roof, or where the roof used to be. Ice-cream guy, got a ladder? Gary: You can't climb up there. Julie: I'm not going to, you are. At Roberts' Taylor: And this is my personal safety device. It's a flashlight, it's a radio, it's a cell phone charger, it's a siren and it's a compass. Hmm. North is that way. Ryan: Handy. Taylor: Also got canned goods, batteries, water, ooh, a gas mask and-- that's right-- North Korean currency, because you just never know. Hey, why are you wearing a jacket? Are you cold? Let me get my space blanket. It preserves up to 80% body heat. Reporter: A bit of bad news just in. Our first fatality. Not a lot of information, a pedestrian ht by a downed power li... Ryan: No reason to think its anyone we know. Taylor: Yeah, of course not. Still, aren't families supposed to reach out to each other in times of uncertainty? Ryan: I know the phones are messed up, but you were able to get through to Sandy and he was able to get through to Seth. Uh, right, you're worried about your mom. Taylor: Yeah. She gave birth to me. If I'm worried she may be hurt, then shouldn't she be worried about me? I think we need to go over there and check on her. Ryan: To her house? Taylor: Yes, Ryan. I know my mom is a total bitch, but she's still my mom, and she doesn't drink a lot of milk so her bones are probably very brittle and she's always been kind of scared of the dark... Ryan: Taylor, Taylor, we can't go over there. Seth and Summer are coming over here. Taylor: What? Since when? Ryan: Since Seth texted me. He said that they were. Taylor: I thought Sandy said it was safest for us to stay where we are. Ryan: No, no, no, Sandy said that it's safer for all of us to be together. Yatch club Sandy: All right, folks, we got to remain calm and we got to remain here. Anyone in need of medical attention, please identify yourself to this gentleman, and everyone who is willing to help anyone who might need it, please come over and introduce yourself to me. The good news is, we got everything we need here. We got shelter, we got food, we got water. We got fine literature, chips and salsa, so if we all stay together, we can get through this no problem. All right? Kirsten: This is like Berkeley 1989. Sandy: Oh, you say that so warmly. Kirsten: Not that I'm fond of natural disasters, but there is nothing sexier than your husband calming an angry mob. Sandy: Now, are you okay? Kirsten: Yeah, I know I've been complaining about Newport a lot lately, but it just breaks my heart to see it like this. I'm going to pass these out. Sandy: All right. Hello? Frank: Oh, hey, Sandy, I'm glad I finally got a hold of you. Are you with Ryan? Sandy: Oh, no, Frank, but he's at the Cooper house with Taylor. He's fine, we're all fine. Frank: That's great news. And Julie and Kaitlin, they're at the house too, right? Sandy: That I don't know. Frank: Do you have any idea where they might be? Sandy: I'm sorry, I don't, but I'm sure they're going to try to get in touch with you, and if I hear anything at all, I'll call you. Frank: I... yeah, yeah, thanks, Sandy. Great. Ice cream shop Julie: Okay, Gary, how's it look up there? Can you climb down and get some help? Gary: Um... not really. Julie: Why not? What's going on? Gary: We're on an island, all alone. Kaitlin: Look, we appreciate the imagery and all that, but this is no time for existential metaphors. Gary: No. Really. The pier's been washed out. At Roberts' Taylor: Summer, you're okay! Summer: I am so glad to see you. Seth: Hey, where's Ryan? Taylor: He's... Ryan: Hey. Summer: Hey, Atwood. I got to look for Pancakes. Taylor: Oh, my God! Pancakes! I'm gonna go with you. Seth: Great. While you guys do that, Ryan and I will, uh... Ryan: Go. Seth: Yeah, we're gonna go. Taylor: Where are you gonna go? Summmer: Yeah, we just got here. Seth: Well, we need supplies. Taylor: I have supplies. Ryan: No, I know, but, uh, who knows how long those will last. Seth: Yeah, and there'll probably be a run, especially when the zombies come out. Ryan: Look, guys, we'll be fine. Just stay here, lock the doors and don't open them. Seth: Summer, Pancakes needs you right now. Summer: Be careful. Seth: 'Kay, come back soon. Okay. Ryan: What's up? * Taylor: Don't you think the boys were acting weird? Summer: The shifty looks, finishing eachother's sentences like they're composing a lie on the spot? Taylor: Yes. Summer: Totally normal for them. Taylor: I don't know, I feel lik they're hiding something. Summer: If it's not the location of Pancakes, I'm not interested. Oh, no. He was in his cage. He's gone! Oh, no. Pancakes? Pancakes? Pancakes? * Ryan: Okay, I didn't want to worry Taylor. She's pretty upset, and she's got this thing about blood. Seth: Blood? Ryan: Yeah. Don't freak, okay? I-I-I need you to not freak. Seth: Okay. Why would I freak out? Ryan: It's not that bad, is it? Seth: Dude, it's bad. In the car Ryan: Seth, the hospital is, like, a mile away. Seth: I know, which is why I'm taking the secret back roads way that's only a half mile. That was sarcasm. I'm pretty sure my shortcut got us lost. Ryan: Well, the ocean's on one side, the land's on the other. I'm sure you'll figure it out. That was sarcasm, too. Sorry. Seth: No, hey, so you're a little on edge. A giant glass spear in the back will do that to a guy. Ryan: It's not a spear. Seth: What is it, more of a spike or a skewer? Ryan: Dude, you're doing a terrible job of trying to keep my mind off the pain. You're supposed to talk about something else, not the thing causing the pain. Seth: True, but the real question is, what are you doing to keep my mind off of your pain? 'Cause right now you're not looking too good and I'm starting to feel... What was that? Ryan: Uh, seems like we ht something. Seth: Oh, God, not a body. Ryan: All right, well, pull over or something. All right, go out and check, I guess. Seth: With the zombies? Ryan: You watch way too many movies. Ice cream shop Gary: You guys are amazing. Julie: Uh, no. We're not. Kaitlin: No. It's just something we do. Julie: I used to sing that to Kaitlin when she was little and scared. Gary: Isn't that, uh, kind of inappropriate? I mean, given the sexual content of the lyrics. Kaitlin: Well, it was the only song she knew all the words to. Julie: That and "Pour Some Sugar on Me." Gary: Ah. Well, this is really fun. Staying up late, eating sweets, singing songs. It's like summer camp. Coed summer camp with really hot camp counselors. Kaitlin: No offense, Gary, but this is barely entertaining me. Julie: Yeah, Gary, young guy in Newport, cool job... you must have a lot of fun. Gary: Not really. Kaitlin: No friends? Julie: No girls? Gary: Well... there is one girl. Julie: Oh, well, you only need one, as long as it's a good one. Gary: She's an amazing one. Kaitlin: Well, are you guys serious? Gary: Pretty serious. You know, thinking about taking it to the next level. Julie: Oh, the next level. That's very serious. Kaitlin: Yeah, you haven't asked her out yet, have you? Gary: Not yet, no. Kaitlin: Well, what's the holdup? I mean, if she's as hot as she sounds. Gary: It's not her. It's me. She's a great girl. And I'm... the ice cream guy. Julie: Oh, what the hell; we have nothing better to do. Kaitlin: Yep, today is your lucky day. Gary: Awesome! I mean, wait, what do you mean? Julie: Well, first, we have to get rid of that dorky bow tie. Kaitlin: Yeah, and an apron is friend to no man. Julie: Surely we can do something with this hair. I think I have some nail scissors in my purse, hmm? In the car Seth: I can't get anyone on the phone. Ryan: Eh, that's okay, I'll, uh, I'll walk you through it. Just open up the back door. It's easy, don't worry about it. Seth: Ryan, you're asking me to use tools and exert myself physically. I think we both know where this is going. Ryan: Yeah, okay, well, uh, start by putting the jack under the frame by the, uh, by the door there. Yeah. Seth: The jack is this thing with the handle, right? Ryan: Yeah. Actually, wait. First, um... loosen the bolts with that wrench. All right. Seth: There we go. Okay. All right, you may find this hard to believe, Ryan, but when I was younger, I used to be a bit of a worrier. You don't say. To distract myself from worrying, I would sometimes make lists. Didn't matter what the lists were. They could be anything-- every cereal I've ever eaten, or... uh, the names of every planet mentioned in Star Wars. Whatever. Ryan: Anyways... You want to make a list, Seth? Seth: Huh? Oh, yeah, whatever. I mean, sure, if you want to. We could start with everyone you've ever punched in the face since moving to Newport. First would be... Luke at Holly's beach house. Ryan: Yeah, and number two would be Luke. Seth: Right. At the diner. Ryan: Yeah, and again at the mall. Seth: What about Holly's dad at Cotillion? Ryan: That was more of a tackle. Seth: Which takes us back to Luke. Ryan: Yeah, in T.J. At Roberts' Taylor: Summer, do you really think Pancakes is in the attic? Like he pulled down the ladder, hopped up and-and then put it away? Summer: Well, we have checked everywhere else. Light. Taylor: Be careful. Oh... gross. Summer: It's okay. Taylor: What is that? Summer: That's Uncle Alistair. Taylor: That's your uncle? Summer: Yeah. No. It's, uh, my dad's skeleton from med school. He called him Uncle Alistair. I don't know why. Taylor: God, well, I don't want to meet any of your other relatives, so let's just find Pancakes and go. Summer: Okay. Pancakes. Pancakes. Don't be afraid. It's just me. Taylor: Summer, you're such a good mother. Summer: Thanks. Taylor: When I think of the lengths that you're going to to save your adopted rabbit son, and my own mother can't even pick up the phoneand send me a text message saying, "Hi. Are you alive?" Summer: That's okay, you have us now. Seth and I rode on a bicycle just so we could be here together, and Julie and Kaitlin left a message and the Cohens asked about you. Taylor: Yeah, I know you're right. Summer: You know, if there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's you make your own family. It seems to me that you've scraped together quite an awesome one. Taylor: Wait. Summer: What? Taylor: You hear that? Summer: Where? Taylor: In the vent. Summer: It's Pancakes. Pancakes? Pancakes? Here. Pancakes? Pancakes? Um, stay there, Pancakes. Let's pry this open. Okay. Pancakes? There he is! Taylor: It's an aftershock-- it'll stop in a second. Ice cream shop Kaitlin: Oh, my God. Yatch club Sandy:: Kirsten? Kirsten? Kirsten? Woman: Over here, Mr. Cohen. Sandy: Kirsten. Kirsten: Sandy. Something is not right. I could have lost the baby. In the car Seth: Nothing works. It's like an information blackout. Ryan: Well, the aftershock probably took out a power line or something. Seth: So listen, I'm going to go on foot and get help, I think. Ryan: No, no, no. Seth: Well, we can't stay here. I don't even know where here is. Ryan: Well, I'm going with you. Seth: No, it's cool. Listen, I'm going to come back as soon as I can. Promise. Ryan: What about the zombies? Seth: That's a really good point. Okay. All right, buddy. We have to keep you alert and on your feet. Now, when last we checked the list... Need some help? Ryan: Yeah. Seth: ...we were on Trey. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe we went from Trey to a lengthy Volchok period. Ryan: Hey, thanks for this. Seth: Yeah. Now, unless you ht that Chili guy or Johnny I know a lot of people were rooting for that. Ryan: Well, I did punch Johnny's dad. Or a bounty hunter who worked for him. Seth: Johnny's dad was a bounty hunter? Ryan: Oh, yeah. I never told you that? At the hospital Sandy: Excuse me, Doctor. My wife needs to see someone right away. Doctor: What happened? Kirsten: I fell down some stairs. Doctor: You break anything? Kirsten: I don't think so, but... Sandy: She needs help. Doctor: Everyone here needs help, sir. You can fill out this form and wait your turn. Sandy: She's pregnant. Doctor: Any bleeding? Kirsten: No, but something isn't... isn't right. Doctor: I'm sorry. Try to make yourself comfortable. Sandy: Hang on a second. Kirsten: Sandy... Sandy: Hang on one second, all right? I'll be right back. Excuse me, Doctor. My wife would never complain. She would never put her needs in front of anybody else's. But I am not that proud. I am not that selfless. I am begging you,please, please, to give her and our baby priority. Doctor: I'd like to help, really, but... Man: You can have my spot. That's me. Go. Sandy: Thank you. Honey. Ice cream shop Kaitlin: Oh, great. We're out of candles, and now the ice cream is melted. Julie: Honey, please. Stop worrying. Kaitlin: Stop worrying? We're about to be washed out to sea. Julie: I'm sorry. You're right. Kaitlin: I'm... I'm right? I thought I was exaggerating. Julie: I'm going up there. Kaitlin: To do what? To go swim out to shore? Julie: I don't know. Assess the situation... figure it out. I'm your mother. It's my job. Gary: Wait. You can't do that. Julie: Why not? Gary: Because... I'm having an asthma attck... from the stress! Julie: Oh, my... Oh, my God. Do you have an inhaler? Or like an Epi pen? I could sab you. Gary: Maybe... we could just... sing "Night Moves"? I think it might calm me. Kaitlin: Really? Gary: Please. Julie: That's good. That's good. That's good. Kaitlin: Okay, I think he needs, like, CPR or something. I learned this when I was in Junior Lifeguard. Oh! Gross! What the heck was the tongue for? He tried to kiss me! Gary: I'm sorry. Julie: Young man, what is going on? Oh, my. The girl you like? Kaitlin: Oh, you've got to be kidding me. At Roberts' Taylor: Pancakes! Summer: I think I hear something this way. Taylor: Summer, how come we keep looking for Pancakes when there's a giant elephant in the room? Summer: We walk around the elephant. It may be big, but we are crafty. Taylor: The boys should have been back over an hour ago. Aren't you worried? Summer: No, I'm not worried. I'm freaking terrified, okay? That's why I'm focusing on just finding Pancakes and not about the fact that my boyfriend could be laying on the side of the road ravaged by zombies. Taylor: Okay, well, let's go look for them. Summer: In what? They took the only car. Have you thought of that? Taylor: Well, let's listen to the radio and see if there's any news. Summer: The radio stopped working with the aftershock. Taylor: What was that? Summer: Pancakes? Maybe it was Ryan and Seth. Taylor: Why would they need to break a window? Summer: I don't know. What do we do? Quick, hide! Taylor: Shh! No, no, no. Summer, wait. I've got a betteridea. Summer, come here. Ice cream shop Julie: You received a makeover under false pretenses. Kaitlin: You lied about having asthma. Julie: Do you even like Bob Seger? Gary: I'm sorry. I don't know why I did it. I mean, I do know, but I'm embarrassed. Kaitlin, you come in here all the time, and you look right through me like I don't even exist. Kaitlin: I'm sorry. Gary: Don't be. I mean, why would a girl like you pay any attention to a guy like me? I know the only reason you'd ever get to know me is if you had no choice. Tonight, that happened, and it felt like fate. I didn't want it to end. Kaitlin: I guess, I mean, that's understandable. Julie: But what do you mean, you didn't want it to end? What the...? Kaitlin: Mom... Julie: It's okay. Frank! Frank: Just got your message. I was so worried. Julie: Oh, me, too! Kaitlin: Go for it. There was a flipping earthquake. Julie: But wait. How did you get here? What about the pier? Frank: What about it? The pier is fine. At the hospital Doctor: There's a heartbeat. Kirsten: Thank God. Doctor: The baby is under stress and, after a fall, there can be a rupture. Separation. Sandy: Can you treat that? Doctor: We still have some more tests to run. In the street Seth: Okay, I've always wondered this. In your opinion, who is a better food industry server? Chloe, the magical waitress from Albuquerque, or Donny, the angry busboy who sht Luke? Ryan: I'll go with Chloe on that one. Seth: Good. That's what I figured. That's what I figured. Okay. Okay. Desert island. Sadie, the tough as nails yet soulful jewelry maker or Lindsay, my grandfather's illegitimate, bookish love child? Ryan: I can't, Seth. Seth: Sure... sure you can. It's very easy. Ryan: Go on. Just go. Seth: I'm not going to go alone. Ryan: We need help, man. I need help. Just sit me down, okay? Seth: All right. Okay, but I'm going to come right back. Ryan: I know. At Roberts' Summer: Do you hear that? Taylor: No. Summer: Exactly. It's quiet now. Maybe they moved on. Taylor: Or... maybe they're just faking us out. There we go. Locked and loaded. Just how mama likes it. Summer: Taylor, a gn? Where did you get that? Are you crazy? Taylor: It's Jimmy Cooper's flare gn. I found it in the hall closet when I was looking for rain gear. Symmer: Yeah, but it's not raining. Taylor: Well, this was last November. What? Jimmy doesn't need it anymore, and it's cold, and it's shiny, and it feels so good in my... Here. You try it. Summer: Eww! I'm not touching your pstol. That is stupid and dangerous. Oh, my God. Go 187 on that zombie ass. Taylor: It's in the kitchen. Follow me. Stop or I'll sh*t! Veronica: Oh, my God! I've been ht! Taylor: Mom? Veronica: Taylor, you sht me! ** Veronica: I came here because I was worried about you. Taylor: I know, Mom, and it really means a lot to me that you did. Veronica: Save it that's the last maternal instinct I'll ever have, since you sht me. Taylor: It was just a toe nick. You're totally fine. Veronica: Until sandal season! Taylor, I'm going to have to see a plastic surgeon right away. Taylor: I already told you, there's no way to get you to the hospital. You're just going to have to tough it out! Summer: Pancakes is hurt! Veronica: What? Oh, no! A rabbit? Summer: I found him in the garage, and he was limping. Taylor: Let me see. Careful. Baby, come here. Let me see. You know, he seems like he's okay. Maybe it's just a sprain. Summer: No, I can't take a chance, okay? I have to go get him help. Taylor: Summer, you can't. It's too dangerous. Summer: I cannot wait here any longer, okay? I have a missing boyfriend and a sick rabbit. I cannot listen to any more of your mother's whining. Taylor: Okay, I'll go with you. We'll brave the zombies together. Mom, we're going to need to take Pancakes to the hospital. Veronica: Wait. This carrion gets help, but not me? Taylor: We don't have a car, you can't walk. There is no way to get you there. Veronica: Taylor, I risked my life and hoofed it all the way from Emerald Bay, and you're just going to leave me here to rot? Summer: I have an idea, but I don't think you're going to like it. ** Veronica: This is not okay with me. Summer: Well, I told you you wouldn't like it. Taylor: Mom, it's not that far to the hospital, and it's kind of this or nothing. Veronica: Fine, but I'm not holding the rabbit... unless you promise I can make a vest out of him. Summer: I'll carry Pancakes. Ice cream shop Gary: Kaitlin, if you'll just listen... Kaitlin: I heard you, you're sorry. I get it. Gary: Truthfully, I'm not sorry. Tonight was the best night of my life. Kaitlin: Gary... Gary: Given the chance, I'd do everything exactly the same. Julie: Kaitlin, honey, you coming? Kaitlin: Oh, yeah, just give me one second. Julie: Okay, we'll wait for you in the car. Kaitlin: Look, I should go. But I am into ice cream, and you're obviously hooked up as far as that goes. And the makeover was pretty successful. And the asthma attck had me completely fooled. Gary: Sweet. Kaitlin: So I guess once you guys get this place back up and running, I'll come stop by. Gary: Gold Medal Ribbon on the house. Best... earthquake... ever. Hospital Sandy: Dr. Harris, are those my wife's tests? Doctor: Oh, no, Mr. Cohen, it's going to be awhile before we get the results. Sandy: Oh, of course, it's just a little bit too soon for that. I know you have your hands full. Doctor: Yes, we have a pretty full house right now. Sandy: Well, as soon as you know anything, you know, good or bad... if you could please let me know. Doctor: I will, of course. Sanndy: Let me know first, just so I can prepare my wife. Doctoc: Of course. Thank you. Sandy: I mean, it's kind of crazy in that we have two other boys that are just going off to college, so we were expecting to have an empty nest, you know, when then, all of a sudden, this unplanned, miraculous event and, well, uh, the fact of the matter is, I can't imagine anything worse than an empty nest so, uh... Anything you can do for that, uh, for that little baby, please, do it. I'll get out of your hair right now, okay? Doctor: I'll come find you. Sandy: I'll be right there, all right? Doctor: Okay. Thank you. Sandy: Yes, of course. In the street Darryl: You feel that? Seth: Darryl? Darryl: Hey, Seth. How's the earthquake treating you? Seth: Uh, not too well. I need to ask for your help. Darryl: Sure, but how can I help you? Seth: Well, I'm guessing you don't have a, uh, like, a car or a walkie-talkie? Darryl: This shopping cart's my only worldly possession. Seth: Okay, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you for it. Darryl: Sorry, no way. I'll give you my pants. Seth: No, no, they look better on you. Listen. It has a flat tire and possibly a broken axle, but it's a $70,000 car and it's all yours in exchange for the cart. Darryl: Sweet. Seth: Stay here, I'll come back to draw you a map. At the hospital Doctor: Because it's a rabbit. Summer: It's a he, and I'm aware of his species. but that doesn't mean that he doesn't feel pain and that he isn't hurt. Please, if you have a shred of humanity, or animality in your body, you won't deprive this poor, little, adorable bunny of quality medical care. Doctor: Well, I did do a year of veterinarian school. Summer: Really? Doctor: Maybe if there's an X-ray machine free, I'll... Summer: Thank you. Thank you. In the car Julie: I still can't believe that guy kept us there for no reason. Frank: I don't know. I think his reasons are pretty good. When a guy gets around a girl he's crazy about, sometimes reason goes out the window. He forgets to take things slow. Kaitlin: Well, sometimes, when a girl gets around a guy she's not too crazy about, she does some pretty stupid things, too. I'm sorry for posting your mug sht up in the ladies' room at Taylor's birthday. Frank: Well, it showed a lot of creativity. Julie: Speaking of creativity, Kaitlin... clown prn? Frank: I'm not even going to ask where that came from. Kaitlin: I found it in Dr. Robert's study. You guys will believe absolutely anything. Hey, Frank, have you ever considered cutting your hair? Julie: Is that Seth? Kaitlin: Oh, my God, pull over. At the hospital Taylor: Mom, I'm really sorry I sht you. I know we don't always get along, but... I really love you. Veronica: I love you, too. Taylor: I... don't think I've ever heard you say that before. Veronica: Taylor, that's why I went to Julie's. After the earthquake happened, all I could think about was you. Taylor: Oh, my God, Mom, me, too. Veronica: I was sht because I was such a total failure as a mother. It never even occurred to you that I would come looking for you. Taylor: But you did. So... Veronica: So. Taylor: Mom... ** Seth: Hi. I guess this is the point where I'm supposed to tell you that you gave us all quite a scare, except I was never scared. Ryan: Oh, yeah, I know that. Me, on the other hand... Seth: The doctors say you're going to be fine. Although you're going to have to wrap your head around the fact that we're really brothers now. We're blood brothers. Ryan: You donated blood? Seth: Ah, I had an extra few pints flowing through my veins. It was no big deal. Ryan: You're not a big fan of needles. Seth: Nor of fainting, it turns out. But the bank was a little low and us O-negative guys got to stick together. Ryan: That's weird, 'cause all of a sudden I have this strange urge to listen to Death Cab and read comic books. Seth: Really? Ryan: No, I'm kidding. Seth: Oh, that's too bad, 'cause if we could have turned this into a body-swap comedy, we could have squeezed another year or two out of this. Ryan: So listen, I don't know if I've said this at all today, but... Seth: You did. But after all the times you've saved me, I was up, so... Ryan: All right. Where's everyone else? How are, how are the girls? Kirsten, Sandy? Seth: Uh, the girls are fine. Veronica Townsend and Pancakes, however, have matching casts. And Frank is here with Julie and Kaitlin. He gave me a ride, brought you here. Um, but my mom and dad are doing some tests with the doctor, 'cause she fell. Ryan: Is it bad? Sandy: Hey, boys. Seth: Mom. Ryan: I'm so sorry. Kirsten: Everything's fine. The baby's okay. She's okay. Seth: She? Sandy: It's a girl. Beach Darryl: Sweet. Cool. At Cohen's Sandy: Well, looks like the old girl held up pretty good. Kirsten: I can't wait to have a hot shower with the hot water we don't have. Ryan: I'll settle for sleeping in my own bed. Seth: Or sleeping anywhere. Sandy: Come on, I'll f*re up the grill, we'll get the camp stove going, it'll be fun. Oh my God ! The Cohens find their home in ruins. End of the episode.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x15 - The Night Moves"}	foreverdreaming
SIX MONTHS LATER At Roberts' Sandy: Eggs... Ryan: And flour. There we go. Sandy: Milk. Kaitlin: Okay, now, Ryan, fre up the griddle. And Sandy, bat until smooth. Sandy: Hey, Mama, have a seat. In the mood for crêpes? Kirsten: You're making crêpes? Ryan: Yeah! Taylor sent Kaitlin a griddle from France. Kaitlin: With a super-long note about how I need to broaden my breakfast horizons. She's 6,000 miles away and still annoying. Kirsten: Ryan, have you talked to her? Ryan: Oh, no. Haven't read her blog, haven't looked at her scrapbook. It's over and I'm okay. It's been months. I barely even think about her. Sandy: Even though you're living in her room. Ryan: You know, we've all had to make adjustments since the earthquake. Kirsten: Especially Kaitlin, with the entire Cohen family taking refuge here. Kaitlin: No, it's been nice. I mean, I've perfected my Sandy Cohen. Listen to this. I'll schmear it for ya. Sandy: Well, you know, not bad. I am very sexy. Julie: Baby, stop mimicking Sandy. Sandy: Julie! Crêpe? Julie: I think I'm too nauseous to eat. Kirsten: Morning sickness ? Julie: Or wedding jitters. Who can tell? Kirsten: Well, your fiancé is certainly excited about the nuptials. Yeah, he's kind of become a broken record over and over again. He keeps saying... Gordon: Bang! Hey, Sandy. Sandy: Bullit. Gordon: Ryan. Peanut. Hey, Blondie. And there she is, the future Mrs. Gordon Bullit. Kirsten: Well, wedding days can be nerve-wracking, but just think, after tomorrow you will be just another old married couple. Julie: Just like that one living upstairs. Summer's bedroom Seth: Hey, breakfast time. Summer: Toaster strudel! Oh, you're the best cook ever. Seth: Shh, enough talking, what do you want to watch? Summer: Oh, I think you know what I want to watch. Seth: The premise is so simple. Summer: Yet so compelling. Sandy: Can I come in? Seth: Hey, sure. Sandy: I know you don't like to leave your lair, but the inspector is coming to the house today. I think everybody should be there. Seth: But this chair is my home now. Sandy: Downstairs in ten minutes. At Cohen's Sandy: Boy, his body language is very negative. Kirsten: You think? Ryan: Wait, he just smiled. Seth: I think it was more of a smirk. Kirsten: Everyone keep your fingers crossed. Sandy: So what's the good news? When can we rebuild? Man: I hate to say this, but how about never? Ryan: Excuse me? Man: The amount of structural damage is substantial. Seth: But Dad, we can pay to fix it, right? Sandy: Yeah, we've got insurance, savings. Man: Well, the cost of repairing the damage is more than the value of this house. I'm sorry, but there's no saving your home. Generic Visit home for sale Ryan: Nice view, infinity pool... Sand: Yeah, but no pool house. Ryan: Yes, well, six bedrooms. I think there's room enough for everyone. Sandy: Yeah, but it still just doesn't feel like home. You know, maybe I'm not ready to leave the old place yet. Ryan: I'm going to miss it. Doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to Berkeley. Sandy: Oh, Berkeley. Now, there was a house. The minute we walked in the front door, we knew we were home. Wood floors, exposed beams, that house had character. Kirsten: And this house has none of those things. Woman: Well, it's got a Viking range, granite countertops... Kirsten: It's average and generic. Sandy:I couldn't agree with you more. Let's get out of here. Kirsten: I think we should make an offer. Woman: You do? Sandy: You do? Kirsten: Well, we've seen five versions of the same house. Does it really matter which one we pick? Woman: I'll draw up the papers. Sandy: Whatever you want, honey. Summer's bedroom Seth: It's hard to believe that soon all this will be gone. Take a good look around. Everything is about to change. Summer: Actually, I have a surprise. Look. The floor plan to ourapartment in Providence. Seth: Hey, big-screen TV, La-Z-Boys, hot plate. It looks exactly like here. Awesome. Do you think our TiVo will keep its memory if we pack it? Summer: I don't know. I should callthe help line right now. Oh... Seth: What? Summer: Nothing. You know, I think I'm going to call later when there's less phone traffic in India. Seth: What? Isn't it awesome we get to live like this for the next four years? Summer: Mm-hmm. Okay, got to run. Hey, Atwood. Ryan: Hey. Seth: Ryan. Come in. Sit. Ryan: Yeah, not going to happen. But I do need your help with a plan. Seth: Does it involve leaving this room? Ryan: It involves leaving the city. At the airport Man: Welcome back from Paris, Ms. Townsend. You here for business or pleasure? Taylor: That is an excellent question, sir. The answer to which I spent the better part of my trans-Atlantic flight trying to determine. Because it's not business, but it's not pleasure. Because that would imply that seeing Ryan Atwood again is pleasurable, when really, all it is is stressful and... you know, really kind of surreal that we ever dated in the first place. Because it's not like we have anything in common. You know, not that we didn't try though, because we really did. Like I stopped wearing shoes and learned hacky sack in an effort to fit in at Berkeley, and then he learned French and learned to appreciate the difference between a Brie and a Camemburt And then he grew this little mustache in an effort to appear more French-like, but you know, he's fair-haired, and it was really just kind of an above-lip disaster. And from there we just realized it didn't work, you know. We didn't work and I left, to escape the painful reality of yet another failed relationship and at least this time I didn't stalk him though. Because sometimes I do that. Good thing I never fell in lovewith the president, huh? Man: That would be bad. Taylor: Right. * Taylor: Summer! Summer: Hey, Taylor. So good to see you. Taylor: Oh, you, too. Did you come alone? Summer: Ryan doesn't know that you're coming. You told me not to tell him. Taylor: Who said anything about Ryan? We're so over. I just, I can't even believe we ever even dated, you know? I don't even think I would recognize him. You know, I just hope he shaved that mustache. * Seth: Did you get a rental car? Ryan: Yeah. You got the address? Taylor: Ryan, hi. You found out I was coming and decided to surprise me? Ryan: No, I didn't know you were coming back and I'm leaving. Summer: Oh, well, now I'm surprised. Where are you guys going? Ryan: Oh, not far. We'll be back by tonight. Seth: Yeah, it's a mission. I'm going to call you. Taylor: Okay, well, brilliant catching up. Ryan: It's good to see you. * Seth: That wasn't awkward at all. Ryan: No, no, why would it be? It's not like I'm still in love with her or anything. * Summer: Taylor, are you okay? Taylor: No, I'm not. I'm still in love with him. At the shopping center Kaitlin: I can't believe the Bullit's got 12 sons. Spencer: One from every major oil refinery in Texas. Kaitlin: I mean, I've always wanted brothers and now I'm going to have a dozen. I mean, it'll be cool, if they're all like you. Spencer: Well, that's the thing. Gordon: Oh, there she is. Bullits, meet the Squirt. All: Howdy, Squirt! Gordon: Squirt, meet the Bullits. This is Austin, Dallas, Houston, Lubbock, Odessa, El Paso, Amarillo, Texarkana, San Antonio, Corpus Christi and Hanoi. Kaitlin: Wow. Okay. Gordon: Ain't that something? Now you got yourself a whole buffet of Bullits to love. All: Bang! Kaitlin: Wow. Well, I guess the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree. Gordon: Oh, not my apples. The Bullit's DNA is bulletproof. Not a recessive gene in the whole damn double helix. Oh, looky here, the wife-to-be. What's the word, sweetie? Julie: It's a boy. Gordon: Lucky number 13, yes! Berkeley Ryan: This is it. Seth: The Berkeley House. Ryan: Yeah, exactly how Sandy described it. You ready for this? Hello. So we'd like to buy your house. * Seth: Please don't shut the door. Man: We'd really like to buy your house. And you're an adorable couple, but this house isn't for sale. Ryan: We should tell them everything. Seth: Okay, right. Uh, this is my house. Man: Just shut the door. Seth: No, no, he means it used to be his house. Yeah, those baby handprints in the cement, those, those are mine. Man: Oh, those little hands are yours? Those are so cute. Seth: I know, thank you. Anyway, my parents moved us to Newport when I was two, which was a mistake on many levels, but it did allow us to adopt a young ex-convict named Ryan. Man: Shut the door. Ryan: I'm not actually a convict. Seth: Right. Now our house is condemned due to an earthquake. My mom's about to have another baby, and I feel like there's this chance for our family to have a fresh start. Ryan: Yeah, his parents are always talking about the time they spent here being the best of their lives. It'd be like coming home. Man: Look, I hear you. But this already is a home, it's ours. And it's not for sale. Seth: I thought I had them with the hands in the cement thing. Ryan: Me, too. We should call your dad. Seth: Sure, nobody can change somebody's mind like my dad, but he's not going to leave my mom, and the airlines won't let women fly in their ninth month of pregnancy. Ryan: What if she didn't flyon an airline? At the restaurant Woman: And you also sign here, and here and this is your offer. Sandy: Well, we'll live there a year, get settled with the baby, and then we can look for a housewithout feeling rushed. Kirsten: And I know we can't impose on Julie much longer. I just wish... Sandy: Oh, me, too. But wherever our family is, that's home. Gordon: Drop that pen, amigo! I'm kidnapping the both of you. Come on. The jet is gassed up. Kirsten: Is he drunk? Gordon: No. Your boys called. They're up in Berkeley trying to buy back the old homestead. Just need you two up there to seal the deal. I figured the least I could do is lend my jet, since old Sanford here introduced me to my lady love. Kirsten: I can't fly. I'm nine-months pregnant. Gordon: Oh, my son Amarillo, he's waiting at the plane. He's one of those doctors for women's private parts. Come on, sunshine's burning. Let's go. Woman: Not to pressure you, but the owners are expecting other offers. Gordon: Oh, what the hell, blondie, I'll buy this house. There you go. There you go. Summer's bedroom Taylor: I'm not saying things will just snap back to how they were, but maybe we were too quick to give up. So we'll be 6,000 miles away. I'll be in Newport for Christmas and the summer, and you know, we'll make it work. I should call him, don't you think? Summer: Oh, real-life Jake broke up with real-life April. Taylor: What are you doing? Summer: I told Seth that I wouldn't watch Briefcase or No Briefcase till he got home, so I'm reading about The Valley. Taylor: Oh, my God, that show's still on? Summer: It just got picked up for five more seasons. You know, these teen dramas, they just run forever. Taylor: Okay, enough, this is insane. Summer: Hey! Taylor: Summer, when I left, you were a committed environmentalist. You were passionate. You engaged with the world. You... bathed. Summer: I still care about things. Taylor: Like what? Besides Briefcase or No Briefcase and the starsof The Valley? Sweetie, tell me what happened. Summer: I don't know. Well, the earthquake happened, then the comic bookstore closed down, and Seth's room was destroyed. I didn't join GEORGE, and then he moved in. We talked about everything there was to talk about. Then one day we turned on the TV. And there it was. Briefcase or No Briefcase. And suddenly, we weren't worried about the future. We weren't wondering who we were. For the first time, I think we were really comfortable. Taylor: Maybe a little too comfortable. You ever think about that? Summer: No. Taylor: Oh, my God, what is that? Summer: I don't know. Pancakes had babies! When did this happen?! Taylor: You didn't know she was pregnant? Summer: I didn't he was a she. Oh, my God, I'm a bad crack mother. Berkeley Ryan: Shouldn't we be waiting at the house? Seth: Uh, we've got a little bit of time until the Bullit is wheels down with our parents. Take a look around, man. In a few weeks, you're going to have all these new faces to punch. Ryan: Aw, you getting nostalgic on me? Seth: No. Seriously, everyone's moving. Newport's over. This is the future. And it's also possible you may meet another Taylor Townsend. What was that? There is no other Taylor Townsend? There's only one and you're in love with her? All right. Listen, you haven't said a word since we bumped into her. I know it means you can't stop thinking about her. I'm going to get some coffee. Seth: You love her, I know it. Ryan: Stop it. Seth: I know it! Tom: Join GEORGE. Fight the industrial devastation of our planet. Seth: Hey, are you Paul from GEORGE.? Tom: No, Tom from GEORGE. You know Paul? Seth: Uh, no, my girlfriend Summer Roberts met him. Tom: Sure, yeah. Paul was really disappointed when she turned us down. What's she up to now? Seth: Uh, not much of anything, really. Tom: Well, um, give her this, would you? I hate to see someone like Summer just waste their passion. Seth: Yeah. She... she loves otters. Thank you. * Ryan: Hello. Taylor: Ryan, hi, it's me. Ryan: Oh, hey. Summer: Ouch, this soap stings! Taylor: Well, that's because it's lye. Sorry. So I was, um, thinking maybe we should get together and talk about things. Ryan: Oh, uh... Summer: But you don't want to? Ryan: No, no, it's just I don't know when Seth and I are going to get back from Berkeley. Taylor: Oh. Why are you in Berkeley? Ryan: Long story, but basically trying to get the Cohens their old house back. Taylor: The Cohens are moving to Berkeley? Ryan: If things work out. Taylor: So, that would mean you wouldn't be coming back to Newport for Christmas or summer or... ever. Ryan: I guess not. Um, listen, we could talk after the wedding if you want. Taylor: Yeah, oh, yeah, I have to go. Um, you have a nice trip. At the church Julie: We finish this and then we're done. Unless there's anything else you need for tomorrow. Kaitlin: I'm all good. I've got my shoes, my dress, my cheat sheet with the names of all my stepbrothers. Julie: How was that, meeting all of them? Kaitlin: Weird, but I mean, I love Bullit, but one's kind of enough, you know? Julie: You're telling me. Kaitlin: What are you talking about? You're about to spawn off the latest. Julie: Well, maybe he won't be all that Bullit-esque. Kaitlin: Don't count on it. He's probably going to come out with a cowboy hat telling the doctor, "Bang." Or a wife-beater. Julie: Why would he be wearing a wife-beater? Kaitlin: Oh, my God. Mom... Julie: Okay, honey, just relax. Kaitlin: You have to be kidding me. I mean, does the Bullit know? Julie: Of course he knows. Kaitlin: What, you told him that the baby is... Julie: Frank's, yes. Kaitlin: And when were you going to tell me? Julie: Soon. I'm sorry. This isn't easy. Kaitlin: Well, what happened with you and Frank? Julie: I got pregnant, and Frank couldn't deal with it, so I left him. That's when the Bullit came back, I told him everything, and he still wanted to marry me. That's the whole story. Kaitlin: Mom, do you love the Bullit? Julie: Yes. Berkeley Sandy: I can't believe we're here. Seriously, fellas, this is crazy. Seth: You always said this was where you guys were the happiest. Ryan: Every city needs public defenders. Seth: Plus, I think my little sister deserves a sht at growing up normal. Kirsten: Well, we can at least talk to them. Sandy: Can't hurt. ** Sandy: Hello. I'm Sandy Cohen. This is my wife, Kirsten. and we used to live here. Todd: I'm Todd. Patrick: Patrick. Todd: And, um, yeah, your son's already told us everything. about the earthquake, the hands in the cement,the baby, but like we said... Sandy: You don't want to sell, I get it, but just beinghere again, I got to say it still feels like home. Kirsten: Um, is the bathroom still in the same place? Do you mind? Patrick: Why would I mind? Kirsten: Thank you. Sandy: I love what you've done with the decorating. Is there any chance we could see the kitchen? Just to see if the Seth Cohen growth chart is still notched in the wall? Patrick: It isn't. We thought it was termites. Seth: Oh, I ht three feet. I mean, it was a pretty huge accomplishment. Todd: Sir, while we appreciate your nostalgia, we have things to do. Sandy: No, it's all right. We'll be out of here in just a sec. Kirsten: Oh, God! Sandy! Sandy: Or not. Kirsten: Sandy! Sandy: I'm here. Kirsten: Oh, my God. Todd: Okay, this isn't the bathroom. Kirsten: I'm sorry, I didn't make it. Kirsten: My water broke. Sandy: Seth, call an ambulance! Kirsten: There's no time for an ambulance. Patrick: Okay, this is so random, but I'm actually a midwife. Sandy: Sophie Rose Cohen. Aw... It's got a nice ring to it, huh? Kirsten: She's beautiful, isn't she? Seth: She really will be in two years when she doesn't look like a squished meatball. Ryan: You just called your sister a squished meatball. Sandy: You should have seen what you looked like when you were born. Kirsten: Oh, he was beautiful, too. Sandy: Yeah, I was. Sandy: Yeah, you looked like you went 12 rounds with Joe Frasier. Patrick: All right, move out of the way. It's time for a feeding. Seth: Oh, she's going to... Ryan: Yeah, we should go. Gordon: No, thank you, Kirsten, I'm lactose intolerant. Sandy: Bullit, what are you doing here? Aren't you getting married in a few hours? Gordon: Don't I know it. Couldn't get any damn airspace. All those dot commers up here with their private jets. The runway was busier than a bull in springtime. It's fine now. Sandy: Hey, thanks for everything. Kirsten: Give Julie our best and please explain why we couldn't make it. Gordon: Oh, I will, and she'll be thrilled. And when she pops out lucky number 13, bang, I want you there. Sandy: Sophie Rose Cohen. In the street Kaitlin: Kaitlin, what are you doing here? Kaitlin: Just wondering if you've got an invite to the wedding, 'cause you didn't RSVP, which is really rude, considering my mom's pregnant with your baby. Frank: So she told you, huh? Kaitlin: How could you do that... just walk away from her? I mean, she loved you. Frank: When she told me she was pregnant, I did kind of panic, and I know I let her down. But when I went to see her and tell her that, she was having dinner with Bullit. For what it's worth, I really do love her, but she's made her choice. I know better than to try and change your mom's mind. Kaitlin: So you're just quitting? Frank: Whoa, wait a minute. Isn't this what you wanted? Bullit and a new family? Kaitlin: All I want is for my mom to be happy. and for my little brother to have his dad around, but not if he's going to be a coward. You know, I thought Atwood were good at fighting. Berkeley Seth: Is Mom sleeping? Sandy: Mother and daughter are snoring soundly. Seth: How you feeling? Sandy: Like I landed in a time warp; your mother, me, a new baby and this house. It's almost20 years later and I feel like no time has passed at all. Seth: Well, you look like it, too. You got that full head of hair. If I look half as good as you in 20 years, I'll be a happy man. Sandy: Well, thanks, but I'd like to see you being happy right now. Seems the last couple of months you've landed in a bit of a rut. At least a La-Z-Boy. Seth: Well, I sort of have, but being up here and seeing Ryan's new life and meeting my new sister... I get that change is happening whether I want it to or not. Sandy: Yeah, nothing lasts forever. But you and Summer still have each other. You'll be heading off to Providence together. Seth: Yeah. Except I'm not so sure that us being together is bringing out best in either one of us right now. But I'm afraid to let her go, so... Sandy: Well, things have a way of coming back around. Look at us. Wedding Summer: Maybe I should go try to find Julie and see if she needs any help. Taylor: Sure, Summer, just abandon me, too. Maybe I'll just strike up a casual romance with one of the Bullits. Okay, who do you think's hotter, El Paso or San Antonio? Summer: Yeah, I'm going to have to think about that. Taylor: Hanoi has a certain charm. * Julie: Thanks for filling in for Kirsten. I hope she shows up soon. Summer: You look so beautiful. Julie: Thank you. And you, it's nice to see you looking so... showered again. Summer: Hmm, well, I figured it was about time. Julie: Yeah. Is everything okay? Summer: I guess. I don't know, you're with the same someone for so long... I guess you start to get a little comfortable. Julie: I wouldn't know. Summer: Do you think that Seth and I are making a mistake? Living together right after the earthquake, and then getting an apartment together next year in Providence? Julie: Uh, well, you know... I got married so young that I never had a chance to find out who I was or what I cared about. I mean, I never went to college or learned any real skills. And now here I am 20 years later, still knocked up on my wedding day. Summer: Julie. Julie: Summer... you're a great girl.And the world deserves to know you. Summer: You deserve it, too. Julie: Don't settle for comfortable. Summer: I got you something. I know she would have wanted to be here today. Julie: Thank you. Thank you. Summer: Crap, my makeup. Julie: Hmm, my makeup. It'll take hours to fix. Gordon: Hours? We don't got hours. We're getting married now. Julie: Now? Is Kirsten here? Gordon: Uh, about that... she dropped child up in San Fran. But lucky for her, there was a hell of a midwife standing by. Julie: Kirsten had her baby? Gordon: Yeah, and she said she was sorry that she couldn't be here. Now are you ready to get hitched? Julie: I can't get married without Kiki. She's my best friend. I'm sorry, but I'm not doing it without her. Berkeley Todd: Oh, my God. Patrick: Oh, my God. Gordon: One of you two wouldn't be a wedding planner would you? Todd: Actually... * Julie: Let me see my flower girl. Kirsten: Julie? Sandy: Are you a runaway bride? Todd: Kind of a runaway wedding. Ryan: Wait a minute, does that mean that everybody came with you? Seth: Can I talk to you? Ryan: Do you have a minute? * Taylor: Okay, Ryan, what do you want to talk about? Ryan: Well, I realized that when I talked to you yesterday on the phone, I may have been a little insensitive. Taylor: You? Never. Ryan: I also realize that if the Cohen's do move to Berkeley, we... we may never see each other again. Taylor: Hadn't really thought about it. Ryan: And when we do say good-bye, I wanted it to be as friends. Taylor: Friends. Sure. Ryan Atwood, mon ami, sounds terif. Todd: What is it with you people? * Seth: We're grandparents? Wow, that's, uh, that's amazing. Congratulations to Pancakes. Summer: Yeah. Don't you think it's kind of weird that we didn't even knowPancakes was pregnant? Seth: Well, we're not going to win any parenting awards. Summer: I mean, we must have been pretty out of it to not even notice or care. I think we've been in kind of a... Seth: Rut lately? Mm. Summer: Do you really think that we can spend the next four years like this? Seth: Well, look, I'm a pretty skeptical guy. I don't really believe in signs, but... this one's pretty easy to read. It's very easy to read. Big letters. Summer: GEORGE? Seth: You got to go, Summer. Summer: But what about us? Seth: This is for us, okay? It's for both of us. * Pastor: I, Julie Cooper, take you, Gordon Bullit... Julie: I, Julie Cooper, take you, Gordon Bullit... Pastor: Now, by the power vested in me, by the state... Gordon: Oh, come on, Squirt! Kaitlin: Frank? Julie: Frank? Frank? Frank: Kaitlin, hey, is your mom around? Kaitlin: Yeah, she's kind of getting married right now. Frank: That's what I was afraid of. Put me on speaker phone. Kaitlin: It took you long enough. Frank: Julie! Julie, can you hear me? Julie: Frank, what are you doing? Frank: I love you, Julie, and I want tobe there for you, and our son. Summer: She's pregnant with Frank's baby? Taylor: Who cares? This is so romantic. Frank: Hello? Gordon: Sorry, Frank, old buddy, we're having a hard time hearing you. Let's get on with the wedding. Julie: I'm sorry, can... can I have a moment? Gordon: Oh, that woman is like nailing Jell-O to the wall. * Kaitlin: Mom ? Julie: Not now, Kaitlin. Mom's trying to figure out who to marry. Kaitlin: I know. Which is why whatever you decide, just make sure it's what you want... because this is forever. * Patrick: So, um, Todd and I were talking and, um... I mean, look, you had a baby here, you had a wedding... Todd: Christened one of our bedrooms... Patrick: Clearly you have a connection. This is your house, we're just living in it. Todd: We'll have our lawyers call you, but... Patrick: We can't fight fate. We'll sell. Sandy: You mean it? Thank you. You in? Kirsten: Yeah. Sandy: The Cohens are moving to Berkeley. Sophie, you're home! At Cohen's Sandy: We got to go, we got a lot of work to do. At Roberts' Kaitlin: Our kitchen is going to be so empty. Julie: I know. I was kind of getting used to becoming a Cohen. My Sandy imitation was kller. Julie: Well, it's just the two of us now. Kaitlin: Yeah. It's pretty awesome that you decided to stay single. But do we have a plan? Julie: Yeah, I was thinking we could go get mani-pedis, maybe a couple of Mystics. Kaitlin: I was talking about, like, a real plan. A life plan. Julie: I know. The truth is, I don't. For the first time, I am going to figure out how to do this on my own. Kaitlin: You're not on your own. I could work retail, part-time at least. Julie: We'll figure it out. Kaitlin: We're Coopers. Julie: Oh, hey, Summer forgot her books. "Undergraduate Catalog." Parking Ryan: All right, Roberts. I'll see you. Summer: See you, Atwood. Ryan: Thank you very much for Flapjacks. I promise I'll raise him right. Summer: Well, don't forget to clean his cage, which should not be used for cage fights. Ryan: Got it. Taylor: Oh, my gosh, I'm going to miss you so much. Summer: Well, you can follow up with my political efforts on my blog. Taylor: And you can follow my personal efforts on mine. You're the best. You're the only girlfriend I ever had. I'll miss you. Summer: You, too. Ryan: All right. We'll be in the car. Bye. ** Seth: I don't know, some of these GEORGE guys, they look so idealistic. Summer: You got nothing to worry about. Just remember, this isn't good-bye. You're my destiny, Cohen. Seth: Go save the world, Summer Roberts. Summer: See you in '08 after the New Hampshire primary. Seth: Just go. Summer: I'm going to go. In the train Taylor: So you're going off to Berkeley, I'm going off to Paris. Who knows what's going to happen, huh? Ryan: Yeah. Well, I think what's really important is what's already happened, which was this year, thank you, Taylor... you saved me. Taylor: Well, you may have helped me iron out a few issues of my own. Ryan: All right. Come here. Man: All aboard! Ryan: Remind me why you're taking the train to Paris. Taylor: Oh, actually, I'm taking a train to New York, and from there I'm taking a boat to Paris. It's the strangest thing, but no airline would have me. Oh, you'd better get going. Ryan: Oh, yeah, but... Taylor: Ryan... better do that. Ryan. They're not going to let you off the train. Uh-oh. Ryan: Where's the next station? Taylor: San Bernardino, I think. It's an hour away. Ryan: Ooh, we can do a lot in an hour. Taylor: I did book a sleeper car. At Cohen's Sandy: That's the last of it. Here we go. Kirsten: Fly safe and we'll see you at Parent's Day weekend. Seth: All right. Sandy: Two months and 14 days away. Seth: I will be counting the days as well. Kirsten: Oh, I love you. Seth: I love you, too. Let's group-hug it. Sandy: Well, I guess we'd better get going if we're going to b*at the traffic. You take care of yourself. You got the directions in case we get separated? Ryan: Yeah, you know what? I think I'm just going to hang out. As much as this house meant to you... Sandy: Take your time. I'll meet you at the rest stop in Santa Barbara. Ryan: All right. Kirsten: Time to go! Sandy: Yep. Ryan: I could give you a ride. Seth: No, no, this is better. My new life of loneliness and isolation begins now. Ryan: Ah, you're going to be fine. Seth: Yeah, I don't know about you though. I've been doing some checking up on your new roommate. His favorite book and movie are DaVinci Code. He's no me. Ryan: You say that like it's a bad thing. Seth: At least I leave you funnier than when I found you. Ryan: Yeah, I'm a lot better off than when you found me. Seth: Me, too. Ryan: Should we hug? I know. It's crazy. Seth: Come on. Give me a shake, dude. Ryan: All right. Seth: All right. Aw. feels good in here. Oh, it felt really nice. All right. See you later. Ryan: Yeah. All right. FLASH-BACK Seth: I don't know what to say, except that you totally had my back out there. Kirsten: Ryan's going to stay with us now. Ryan: I'll unpack later. FLASH-BACK'S END Manifestation Summer: Good job, you guys. Louder! Come on! Berkeley Sandy: All right, what was... I think you can pretty much imagine what I'm going to talk about. That's right. I hope you know what I'm talking about. All right! Any volunteers? Williams University Teacher: Yes? Kaitlin: X=24. Then, it's Seth & Summer' wedding. Ryan's workplace Ryan: Yeah, I'm just leaving the site now. Everything looks good. We're on schedule to meet our target date. Thank you. Hey, kid. Need any help? The end.	{"type": "series", "show": "The O.C.", "episode": "04x16 - The End's Not Near, It's Here"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: All right Jim. Your quarterlies look very good. How are things at the library? Jim: Oh, I told you. I couldn't close it. So... Michael: So you've come to the master for guidance? Is this what you're saying, grasshopper? Jim: Actually, you called me in here, but yeah. Michael: All right. Well, let me show you how it's done. Michael: [on the phone] Yes, I'd like to speak to your office manager, please. Yes, hello. This is Michael Scott. I am the Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products. Just wanted to talk to you manager-a-manger. [quick cut scene] All right. Done deal. Thank you very much, sir. You're a gentleman and a scholar. Oh, I'm sorry. OK. I'm sorry. My mistake. [hangs up] That was a woman I was talking to, so... She had a very low voice. Probably a smoker, so... [Clears throat] So that's the way it's done. Michael: I've, uh, I've been at Dunder Mifflin for 12 years, the last four as Regional Manager. If you want to come through here... See we have the entire floor. So this is my kingdom, as far as the eye can see. This is our receptionist, Pam. Pam! Pam-Pam! Pam Beesly. Pam has been with us for... forever. Right, Pam? Pam: Well. I don't know. Michael: If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple of years ago. [growls] Pam: What? Michael: Any messages? Pam: Uh, yeah. Just a fax. Michael: Oh! Pam, this is from Corporate. How many times have I told you? There's a special filing cabinet for things from corporate. Pam: You haven't told me. Michael: It's called the wastepaper basket! Look at that! Look at that face. Michael: People say I am the best boss. They go, "God we've never worked in a place like this before. You're hilarious." "And you get the best out of us." [shows the camera his WORLD'S BEST BOSS mug] I think that pretty much sums it up. I found it at Spencer Gifts. Dwight: [singing] Shall I play for you? Pa rum pump um pum [Imitates heavy drumming] I have no gifts for you. Pa rum pump um pum [Imitates heavy drumming] Jim: My job is to speak to clients on the phone about... uh, quantities and type of copier paper. You know, whether we can supply it to them. Whether they can pay for it. And... I'm boring myself just talking about this. Michael: Whassup! Jim: Whassup! I still love that after seven years. Michael: Whassup! Dwight: Whassup! Michael: Whass...up! Dwight: Whassup. Michael: [Strains, grunts] What? Jim: Nothing. Michael: OK. All right. See you later. Jim: All right. Take care. Michael: Back to work. Jan: [on her cell phone] Just before lunch. That would be great. Michael: Corporate really doesn't really interfere with me at all. Jan Levinson Gould. [walking out of his office] Jan, hello. I call her Hillary Rodham Clinton. Right? Not to her face, because... well, not because I'm scared of her. Because I'm not. But, um... Yeah. Jan: Alright, was there anything you wanted to add to the agenda? Michael: Um... Me no get an agenda. Jan: What? I'm sorry? Michael: I didn't get any agenda. Jan: Well, I faxed one over to you this morning. Michael: Really? I didn't... [looks at Pam] Did we get a fax this morning? Pam: Uh, yeah, the one... Michael: Why isn't it in my hand? A company runs on efficiency of communication, right? So what's the problem, Pam? Why didn't I get it? Pam: You put in the garbage can that was a special filing cabinet. Michael: Yeah, that was a joke. That was a joke that was actually my brother's, and... It was supposed to be with bills and it doesn't work great with faxes. Jan: Do you want to look at mine? Michael: Yeah, yeah. Lovely. Thank you. Jan: OK. Since the last meeting, Ellen and the board have decided we can't justify a Scranton branch and a Stamford branch. Michael: OK... Jan: Michael, don't panic. Michael: No, no, no, no, this is good. This is good. This is fine. Excellent. Jan: No, no, no, Michael, listen OK. Don't panic. We haven't made... We haven't decided. Michael: All the alarm bells are kind of going... ringie-dingie-ding! Jan: I've spoken to Josh in Stamford. I've told him the same as you and it's up to either him or you to convince me that your branch can incorporate the other. Michael: OK. No problem. Jan: This does, however, mean that there is going to be downsizing. Michael: Me no wanna hear that, Jan. Because downsizing is a bitch. It is a real bitch. And I wouldn't wish that on Josh's men. I certainly wouldn't wish it on my men. Or women, present company excluded. Sorry. Uh, is Josh concerned about downsizing himself? Not downsizing himself but is he concerned about downsizing? Michael: Question. How long do we have to... [Telephone rings] Oh uh, Todd Packer, terrific rep. Do you mind if I take it? Jan: Go ahead. Michel: Packman. Todd Packer: Hey, you big queen. Michael: Oh, that's not appropriate. Todd Packer: Hey, is old Godzillary coming in today? Michael: Uh, I don't know what you mean. Todd Packer: I've been meaning to ask her one question. Does the carpet match the drapes? Michael: Oh, my God! Oh! That's... horrifying. Horrible. Horrible person. Jan: So do you think we could keep a lid on this for now? I don't want to worry people unnecessarily. Michael: No, absolutely. Under this regime, it will not leave this office. [zips his lips] Like that. Phyllis: So what does downsizing actually mean? Stanley: Well... Oscar: You guys better update your resumes just like I'm doing. Angela: I bet it's gonna be me. Probably gonna be me. Kevin: Yeah, it'll be you. Pam: I have an important question for you. Jim: Yes? Pam: Are you going to Angela's cat party on Sunday? Jim: Yeah, stop. That is ridiculous. Michael: Am I going to tell them? No, I am not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer. Michael: Hey. Ryan: Hey. Pam: This is Mr. Scott. Michael: Guilty! Guilty as charged! Ryan: Ryan Howard from the temp agency. Daniqua sent me down to start today. Michael: Howard, like Moe Howard. Three Stooges. Ryan: Yup. Michael: Watch this. This is Moe. Nyuck-nyuck-nyuck-nyuck-nyuck. Mee! [hold hand up for a high five] Ah, right here. Three Stooges. Oh, Pam. It's a guy thing, Pam. I'm sort of a student of comedy. Watch this. Here we go. [Yelling in cod German] I'm htler. Adolf htler. [Continues with cod German] Pam: I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go because then I might... I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist. I like to do illustrations. Um... Mostly watercolor. A few oil pencil. Um, Jim thinks they're good. Pam: Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. Jim: Sure. Mr. Davis, let me call you right back. Yeah, something just came up. Two minutes. Thank you very much. Dwight, what are you doing? Dwight: What? Jim: What are you doing? Dwight: Just clearing my desk. I can't concentrate. Jim: It's not on your desk. Dwight: It's overlapping. It's all spilling over the edge. One word, two syllables. Demarcation. Dwight: You can't do that. Jim: Why not? Dwight: Safety violation. I could fall and pierce an organ. Jim: [crosses fingers] We'll see. [Dwight begins smashing pencils with his phone] This is why the whole downsizing thing just doesn't bother me. Dwight: Downsizing? Dwight: Downsizing? I have no problem with that. I have been recommending downsizing since I first got here. I even brought it up in my interview. I say, bring it on. Pam: You just still have these messages from yesterday. Michael: Relax. Everything's under control. Uh, yeah. Yeah. That's important. Right. Oh this is so important, I should run to answer it. [Imitating Six-Million Dollar Man sound effect] Pam: What? Michael: Come on. Six-Million Dollar Man! Steve Austin! Actually, that would be a good salary for me, don't you think? Six million dollars? Memo to Jan. I deserve a raise. Pam: Don't we all? Michael: I'm sorry? Pam: Nothing. Michael: If you're unhappy with your compensation, maybe you should take it up with HR. OK. Not today, OK? Pam, just be professional. [Sighs] Michael: I think I'm a role model here. I think I garner people's respect. [Imitating a PA] Attention all Dunder Mifflin employees, please. We have a meeting in the conference room, ASAP. Michael: People I respect, heroes of mine, would be Bob Hope... Abraham Lincoln, definitely. Bono. And probably God would be the fourth one. And I just think all those people really helped the world in so many ways that it's really beyond words. It's really incalculable. Michael: Now I know there's some rumors out there and I just kind of want to set the record straight. Dwight: I'm Assistant Regional Manager. I should know first. Michael: Assistant to the Regional Manager. Dwight: OK, um, can you just tell me please? Just tell me quietly. Can you whisper it in my ear? Michael: I'm about to tell everybody. I'm just about to tell everybody. Oscar: Can't you just tell us. Dwight: Please, OK? Do you want me to tell 'em? Michael: You don't know what it is. [Laughs] Dwight: OK. You tell 'em. With my permission. Permission granted. Michael: I don't need your permission. Dwight: Go ahead. Michael: Corporate has deemed it appropriate to enforce an ultimatum upon me. And Jan is thinking about downsizing either the Stamford branch or this branch. Ryan: I heard they might be closing this branch down. That's just the rumor going around. This is my first day. I don't really know. Oscar: Yeah but Michael, what if they downsize here? Michael: Not gonna happen. Stanley: It could be out of your hands Michael. Michael: It won't be out of my hands Stanley, OK. I promise you that. Stanley: Can you promise that? Dwight: On his mother's grave. Michael: No. Phyllis: What? Michael: Well, yeah, it is a promise. And frankly, I'm a little insulted that you have to keep asking about it. Stanley: It's just that we need to know. Michael: I know. Hold on a second. I think Pam wanted to say something. Pam, you had a look that you wanted to ask a question just then. Pam: I was in the meeting with Jan and she did say that it could be this branch that gets the axe. Man: Are you sure about that? Michael: Well, Pam maybe you should stick to the ongoing confidentiality agreement of meetings. Dwight: Pam, information is power. Stanley: You can't say for sure whether it'll be us or them, can you? Michael: No, Stanley. No, you did not see me in there with her. I said if Corporate wants to come in here and interfere, then they're gonna have to go through me. Right? You can go mess with Josh's people, but I'm the head of this family, and you ain't gonna be messing with my chillin. Jim: If I left, what would I do with all this useless information in my head? You know? Tonnage price of manila folders? Um, Pam's favorite flavor of yogurt, which is mixed berry. Pam: Jim said mixed berries? Well, yeah, he's on to me. Um... [Laughs] Michael: Watch out for this guy. Dwight Schrute in the building. This is Ryan, the new temp. Ryan: What's up? Nice to meet you. Michael: Introduce yourself. Be polite. Dwight: Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager. Michael: Assistant to the Regional Manager. So, uh, Dwight tell him about the kung fu and the car and everything. Dwight: Uh... yeah I got a '78 280Z. Bought it for $1,200. Fixed it up. It's now worth three grand. Michael: That's his profit. Dwight: New engine, new suspension, I got a respray. I've got some photos. Dwight: Damn it! Jim! Michael: OK. Hold on, hold on. The judge is in session. What is the problem here? Dwight: He put my stuff in Jell-O again. Pam: [Laughing] Dwight: That's real professional thanks. That's the third time and it wasn't funny the first two times either Jim. Dwight: It's OK here, but people sometimes take advantage because it's so relaxed. I'm a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy on the weekends. And you cannot screw around there. That's sort of one of the rules. Michael: What is that? Dwight: That is my stapler. Michael: No, no, no. Do not take it out. You have to eat it out of there, because there are starving people in the world [turns to camera] which I hate, and it is a waste of that kind of food. Dwight: OK you know what, you can be a witness. [points to Ryan] Can you reprimand him? Jim: How do you know it was me? Dwight: It's always you. Are you going to discipline him or not? Michael: Discipline. Kinky! [Laughs] All right, here's the deal you guys. The thing about a practical joke is you have to know when to start and as well as when to stop. Dwight: Yeah. Michael: And yeah, Jim this is the time to stop putting Dwight's personal effects into Jell-O. Jim: OK. Dwight, I'm sorry, because I have always been your biggest flan. Michael: [Laughing] Nice. That's the way it is around here. It just kind of goes round and round. Ryan: You should've put him in custardy. Michael: Hey! Yes! New guy! He scores. Dwight: OK, that's great. I guess what I'm most concerned with is damage to company property. That's all. Michael: Pudding. Pudding... I'm trying to think of another dessert to do. Jim: Do you like going out at the end of the week for a drink? Pam: Yeah. Jim: That's why we're all going out. So we can have an end-of-the-week-drink. Pam: So when are we going out? Jim: Tonight, hopefully. Pam: OK. Yeah. Roy: Hey, man. Jim: What's going on? Roy: Hey, baby. Pam: Hey. Pam: Roy's my fiance. We've been engaged about three years. We were supposed to get married in September but I think we're gonna get married in the spring. Pam: Do you mind if I go out for a drink with these guys? Roy: No, no. Come on. Let's get out of here and go home. Pam: OK. I'm gonna be a few minutes. So it's only twenty past five. I still have to do my faxes. Jim: You know what? You should come with us. Because you know we're all going out and it could be a good chance for you to see what people are like outside the office. I think it could be fun. Roy: It sounds good. Seriously, we've gotta get going. Jim: Yeah, yeah. Jim: Um... What's in the bag? Roy: Just tell her I'll talk to her later. Jim: No, definitely. All right, dude. Awesome. Will do. Jim: Do I think I'll be invited to the wedding? [scratches head] Michael: So have you felt the vibe yet? We work hard, we play hard. Sometimes we play hard when we should be working hard. Right? I guess the atmosphere that I've created here is that I'm a friend first, and a boss second... and probably an entertainer third. [Knock at door] Just a second. Right? Oh, hey do you like The Jamie Kennedy Experiment? Punk'd and all that kind of stuff? Ryan: Yeah. Michael: You are gonna be my accomplice. Just go along with it, OK? Ryan: All right. Michael: Just follow my lead. Don't pimp me, all right? Come in. So, uh, Corporate just said that I don't want to... Pam: You got a fax. Michael: Oh, thank you. Pam, can you come in here for a sec. Just have a seat. I was gonna call you in anyway. You know Ryan. As you know, there is going to be downsizing. And you have made my life so much easier in that I am going to have to let you go first. Pam: What? Why? Michael: Why? Well, theft and stealing. Pam: Stealing? What am I supposed to have stolen? Michael: Post-it Notes. Pam: Post-it Notes? What are those worth, 50 cents? Michael: 50 cents, yeah. If you steal a thousand Post-It Notes at 50 cents apiece, and you know, you've made a profit... margin. You're gonna run us out of business, Pam. Pam: Are you serious? Michael: Yeah. I am. Pam: I can't believe this. I mean I have never even stolen as much as a paperclip and you're f*ring me. Michael: But the best thing about it is that we're not going to have to give you any severance pay. Because that is gross misconduct and... Just clean out your desk. I'm sorry. Michael: [Pam starts crying] You been X'd punk! [Laughing] Surprise! It's a joke. We were joking around. See? OK. He was in on it. He was my accomplice. And it was kind of a morale booster thing. And we were showing the new guy around, giving him the feel of the place. So you... God, we totally got you. Pam: You're a jerk. Michael: I don't know about that. Michael: What is the most important thing for a company? Is it the cash flow? Is it the inventory? Nuh-uh. It's the people. The people. My proudest moment here was not when I increased profits by 17% or when I cut expenses without losing a single employee. No, no, no, no, no. It was a young Guatemalan guy. First job in the country, barely spoke English. He came to me, and said, "Mr. Scott, would you be the godfather of my child?" Wow. Wow. Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked. Pam: Hey. Jim: Hey. Jim: How are things? Pam: Good. I thought you were going out for a drink with... Jim: Oh no, I just decided not to. How's your headache? Pam: It's better, thanks. Jim: Good. Good. Pam: Yeah. Jim: That's great Pam: Is...? Jim: Yeah? Pam: Um... Are you... Jim: Am I walking out? Pam: Yes. Jim: Yes, I... Do you want to... Pam: Yeah. Jim: Great. Let me just... Jim: [Car horn honking] Oh, Roy. Pam: Yeah. Listen, have a nice weekend. Jim: Yeah, definitely. You too. Enjoy it. [looks at camera] You know what, just come here.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "01x01 - Pilot"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: Hey, uh, can I help you out in here? Mr. Brown: Oh, I'm all set, thanks. Michael: Gotcha. Good. I'd go with the rows. That's a good idea. Michael: Today is diversity day and someone's going to come in and talk to us about diversity. It's something that I've been pushing, that I've been wanting to push, for a long time and Corporate mandated it. And I never actually talked to Corporate about it. They kind of bat me to the punch, the bastards. But I was going to. And I think it's very important that we have this. I'm very, very excited. Jim: That's the thing. It's very sturdy paper and on the back it says, "100% post-consumer content." What? Hello? Uh-huh. Wait. What? I'm sorry, Mr. Decker. I think I'm losing you. [Shedder whirring] Hello? Hello? Yeah. Hold on one second. I don't know. Hold on one second. Jim: Do you really have to do that right now? Dwight: Yes I do. I should have done it weeks ago actually. Jim: Mr. Decker, I'm sorry about that. What were you... Can you hold on one second? Yeah, just one second. Thanks. [Power off, silence] Hello? That's it. Perfect. So what I was saying... [Dialing tone] Hello? Thanks, Dwight. Dwight: Retaliation. Tit for tit. Jim: That is not the expression. Dwight: Well, it should be. Jim: This is my biggest sale of the year. They love me over there for some reason. I'm not really sure why but I make one call over there every year, just to renew their account, and that one call ends up being 25% of my commission for the whole year, so I buy a mini bottle of champagne, celebrate a little. And this year I'm pushing recycled paper on them for one percent more. I know. I'm getting cocky. Right? Jim: Solitaire? Pam: Yeah, Freecell. Jim: Six on seven. Pam: I know. I saw that. Jim: So then, why didn't you do it? Pam: I'm saving that 'cause I like it when the cards go T-ts-ts-tch-tch-tch. Jim: Who doesn't love that? Michael: Hey, Oscar! How are you doing, man? Oscar: All right. Michael: Did you have a good weekend going there? Oscar: It was fine. Michael: Oh yeah, I bet it was fun. [to Mr. Brown] Oh, hey! This is Oscar--- Oscar: Martinez. Michael: Right. See? I don't even know, first-name basis! Mr. Brown: Great. We're all set. Michael: Oh hey, well, diversity, everybody, let's do it. Oscar works in... here. Jim, could you wrap it up, please? Jim: Yeah, uh, Mr. Decker, please. Michael: It's diversity day, Jim. I wish every day was diversity day. Jim: You know what? I'm actually going to have to call you back. Thank you. Sorry about that. Mr. Brown: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Great. Michael: Come on people, let's get 'em in. Get in the cards! Get in the cards! Mr. Brown: Thank you. Thank you very much. OK. Thanks for filling these out and I promise this'll be quick. At Diversity Today, our philosophy is about honesty and positive expectations. We believe that 99% of the problems in the workplace arise simply out of ignorance. Michael: You know what? This is a color-free-zone here. Stanley, I don't look at you as another race. Mr. Brown: Uh, see this is what I'm talking about. We don't have to pretend we're color-blind. Michael: Exactly, were not... Mr. Brown: That's fighting ignorance with more ignorance. Michael: With tolerance. Mr. Brown: No. With more ignorance. Michael: Ignorance. Mr. Brown: Right. Exactly. Uh, instead, we need to celebrate our diversity. Michael: Let's celebrate. Mr. Brown: Right. OK. Michael: Celebrate good times. Come on! Let's celebrate diversity. Right? Mr. Brown: Yes, exactly. Now here's what we're going to do. I've noticed that... Michael: You know what? Here's what we're going to do. Why don't we go around and everybody... everybody say a race that you are attracted to sexually. I will go last. Go. Dwight: I have two. White and Indian. Mr. Brown: Actually, I'd prefer not to start that way. Michael, I would love to have your permission to run this session. Can I have your permission? Michael: Yes. Mr. Brown: Thank you very much. And it would also help me if you were seated. Michael: OK. Mr. Brown: Thank you. OK. Now, at the start of the session, I had you all write down an incident that you found offensive in the workplace. Now, what I'm going to do is choose one and we're going to act it out. Dwight: A few of the ground rules? Michael: Hey, hey why don't you run it by me and I'll run it by him. Dwight: OK, can we steer away from gay people? Mr. Brown: Um... Dwight: I'm sorry. It's an orientation. It's not a race. Plus a lot of other races are intolerant of gays, so...paradox. Mr. Brown: Well, we only have an hour. Dwight: I figured it would save time. Michael: OK. Why don't we just defer to Mr... Mr. Brown: Mr. Brown. Michael: Ah. Oh, right! OK. First test. I will not call you that. Mr. Brown: Well, it's my name. It's not a test. OK? Um, so looking through the cards, I've noticed that many of you wrote down the same incident, which is ironic, because it's the exact incident I was brought in here to respond to. Now, how many of you are familiar with the Chris Rock routine? Very good. OK. Michael: How come Chris Rock can do a routine and everybody finds it hilarious and ground-breaking and then I go and do the exact same routine, same comedic timing, and people file a complaint to Corporate? Is it because I'm white and Chris is black? Mr. Brown: So we're going to reenact this with a more positive outcome. Michael: I will play the Chris Rock guy. I would like to see someone else pull this off. Mr. Brown: Well, let's have someone who wasn't involved in the reenactment. Michael: OK, I will play guy listening. Mr. Brown: Great. Guy listening. Ok, anyone else remember? Kevin: I remember. Mr. Brown: Great. You're the Chris Rock guy and you're guy listening. Michael: OK. Michael: Kevin is a great guy. He's a great accountant. He is not much of an entertainer. Kevin: Basically, there are two types of black people and black people are actually more rcist because they hate the other type of black people. Every time the one type wants to have a good time, then the other type comes in and makes a real mess. Michael: OK. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's ruin... He's butchering it. Could you just let me... [As Chris Rock] Every time... Every time black people want to have a good time, some ignant ass... [Bleep] I take care of my kid! Mr. Brown: Wait a second. Michael: [Bleep] They always want credit for something they supPOSED to do! Mr. Brown: Stop it! Michael: [As Chris Rock] What you want a cookie? Mr. Brown: Now, this is a simple acronym. HERO. Uh, at Diversity Today, we believe it is very easy to be a HERO. All you need are honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness. Dwight: Excuse me, I'm sorry, but that's not all it takes to be a hero. Mr. Brown: Oh, great. Well, what is a hero to you? Dwight: A hero kills people, people that wish him harm. Mr. Brown: OK. Dwight: A hero is part-human and part-supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster that must be avenged. Mr. Brown: Ok, you're thinking of a superhero. Dwight: We all have a hero in our heart. Mr. Brown: Now, I need you to take these forms. This kind of expresses the joint experience we had today. And I need you to look 'em over and sign them as kind of a group pledge. Michael: [Clears throat] I don't think I can sign this. Mr. Brown: I can't leave until you do. Michael: Well, OK, it says here that I learned something and I knew all this stuff already, so... I know, I could sign something that says that I taught something, or that I helped you teach something, so... Pam! Where is she? Pam, could we change something on this? Mr. Brown: Michael, can I talk to you candidly? Michael: Sure. Mr. Brown: We both know that I'm here because of the comments you made. Michael: Here's the thing. This office, I think this is very advanced in terms of... racial awareness and it's probably more advanced than you're used to. That's probably throwing you off a little bit. Mr. Brown: Um, it's not throwing me. I need your signature. Michael: OK, well I know. You told me that several times. Mr. Brown: Yes, but you're not listening to me. Yours is the only signature I need. Michael: OK. Mr. Brown: Those are my instructions from the Corporate offices to put you through this seminar for the comments that you made. The reason I made copies for everyone was so you wouldn't be embarrassed. Michael: Well, here I am thinking that you actually cared about diversity training. And you don't. Mr. Brown: Don't worry about dating. Michael: I won't. Mr. Brown: OK. Thank you. Michael: Yeah, yeah. Michael: "I regret my actions. I regret offending my coworkers. I pledge to bring my best spirit of honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness..." Open-mindedness, is that even a word? "...into the workplace. In this way, I can truly be a hero. Signed, Daffy Duck." [Laughing] He's going to lose it when he reads that. Jim: Yeah, hi. Is Mr. Decker around? Oh, well, could you just have him call me after lunch? Thank you. Michael: "I pledge to always keep an open mind and an open heart." I do believe... in that part of the pledge I that just read. But a pledge? Come on. I mean who are we, the Girl Scouts? No. Look... the guy, "Mr. Brown," he got us halfway there. He got us talking. Well, no. I got us talking. He got us nothing. He insulted us and he abandoned us. You call that diversity training? I don't. Were there any connections between any of us? Did anyone look each other in the eye? Was there any emotion going on? No. Where was the heart? I didn't see any heart. Where was my Oprah moment? OK, get as much done as you can before lunch because, afterward, I'm going to have you all in tears. Michael: All right? Everybody pretty? Come on. Here we go. It's time. Let's do some good. Toby: Hey, we're not all going to sit in a circle Indian style are we? [Laughing] Michael: Get out. Toby: I'm sorry. Michael: No, this is not a joke. OK? That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here. OK, let's go. Let's do it. Come on. Let's have some fun, everybody. Here we go. Take a seat. Cop a squat. And um... thanks for coming in. Um... Diversity... is the cornerstone of progress as I've always said. But don't take my word for it. Let's take a look at the tape. Michael: [on the tape] Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania but I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over. Abraham Lincoln once said that, "If you're a rcist, I will attck you with the North." And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace. Michael: OK. Questions? Comments? Anybody? Jim? Jim: [/b]: Uh, is that it? Michael: Yes. I only had an hour to put it together but I'm going to add on to it later on. Kevin: It was kind of hard to hear. Michael: Uh, yes. That probably had something to do with the camera work. Anybody else? Um... Kelly: I have a customer meeting. Michael: Yeah, well, if you leave we'll only have two left. Yes. Enjoy. Absolutely. Namaste. Ok, well since I am leading this, let's get down to business and why don't I just kind of introduce myself, OK? Um. I am Michael and I am part English, Irish, German and Scottish. Sort of a virtual United Nations. But what some of you might not know is that I am also part Native American Indian. Oscar: What part Native American? Michael: Two fifteenths. Oscar: Two fifteenths, that fraction doesn't make any sense. Michael: Well, you know what, it's kind of hard for me to talk about it. Their suffering. So who else? Let's get this popping. Come on. Who's going? Who's going? Let's go here. Oscar, right here. You're on. Oscar: OK, Michael, um... Both my parents were born in Mexico. Michael: Oh, yeah... Oscar: And, uh, they moved to the United Sates a year before I was born. So I grew up in the United States. Michael: Wow. Oscar: My parents were Mexican. Michael: Wow. That is... That is a great story. That's the American Dream right there, right? Oscar: Thank... Yeah... Michael: Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides Mexican that you prefer? Something less offensive? Oscar: Mexican isn't offensive. Michael: Well, it has certain connotations. Oscar: Like what? Michael: Like... I don't... I don't know. Oscar: What connotations, Michael? You meant something. Michael: No. Now, remember that honesty... Oscar: I'm just curious. Michael: ...empathy, respect... [Phone ringing] Jim! Jim! Jim: Hello? Hello? Michael: I have something here. I want you to take a card. Put it on your fore... Don't look at the card. I want you to take the card and put it on your forehead and... Take a card, take a card, any card. Um... And I want you to treat other people like the race that is on their forehead. OK? So everybody has a different race. Nobody knows what their race is, so... I want you to really go for it, cause this is real. You know, this isn't just an exercise. This is real life. And... I have a dream that you will really let the sparks fly. Get 'er done. Michael: Why? Because Martin Luther King is a hero of mine. There's this great Chris Rock bit about how streets named after Martin Luther King tend to be more violent. I'm not going to do it but it's... Michael: Oh this is a good one. Pam: Um, hi. How are you? Stanley: Fine. How are you? Pam: Great. Michael: Push it. Stanley: I admire your culture's success in America. Pam: Thank you. Michael: Good. Bom bom bom-bom bom. Come on Olympics of Suffering right here. slvery versus the Holocaust. Come on. Stanley: Who am I supposed to be? Michael: No, that was inadvertent. We didn't actually plan that. Dwight: Lots of cultures eat rice, doesn't help me. Dwight: Um... Shalom. I'd like to apply for a loan. Pam: That's nice, Dwight. Dwight: OK, do me. Something stereotypical so I can get it really quick. Pam: OK, I like your food. Dwight: Outback steakhouse. [Australian accent] I'm Australian, mate! Michael: Pam, come on. "I like your food." Come on stir the pot. Stir the melting pot, Pam! Let's do it. Let's get ugly. Let's get real. Pam: OK. If I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with, you would maybe not be a very good driver. Dwight: Oh, man, am I a woman? Michael: You'll notice I didn't have anybody be an Arab. I thought that would be too explsive. No pun intended. But I just though. "Too soon for Arabs." Maybe next year. Um... You know, the ball's in their court. Jim: What are you watching? Ryan: Chappelle's Show. Jim: Really? Ryan: I downloaded it on her computer. I hope she doesn't mind. She just had a lot of extra space. Jim: No way. I think she likes this stuff. Ryan: Great. She's cute, huh? Jim: Yeah, you know, she's engaged, but... Ryan: Oh, no, the girl in the... sketch. Jim: Oh, yeah. She's hot. Kevin: Hey. Angela: Hey. Kevin: You wanna go to the beach? Angela: Sure. Kevin: You wanna get high? Angela: No. Kevin: I think you do, mon. Angela: Stop... Michael: OK. All right. No. It's good. You just need to push it. You need to go a little bit further. All right. OK. Michael: [Voice raised, Indian accent] Kelly, how are you? Kelly: I just had the longest meeting. Michael: Oh! Welcome to my convenience store. Would you like some googi googi? I have some very delicious googi, googi, only 99 cents plus tax. Try my googi, googi. [Lowering voice] Try my googi, googi. [High-pitched voice] Try my googi, googi. Try my... [slap!] Michael: [trying not to cry] All right! All right! Yes! That was great, she gets it! Now she knows what it's like to be a minority. Jim: [on the phone] Mr. Decker, we didn't lose your sale today, did we? Excellent. OK. Let me just get your... what's that? No, we didn't close last time. I just need your... Oh. W-What code were you given? Oh, OK. That's actually another salesman here. I can redo it if you want to do that. Oh, he gave you a discount? No, I don't blame you. Michael: I just hated it when that guy was in here. Mr. Brown, if that was his real name. I mean, he had never met any of us before, and here he was telling us how to do our thing. I just wanted... I just wanted to do it our way. You know? On our own. Man I should have gotten some food. Kevin: [Itialian accent]Maybe some spagh-etti. Michael: Okay, Kevin. You can take that off that thing, OK? That would really, really have shown him up, wouldn't it? If I'd brought in some burritos or some colored greens. Or some pad Thai. I love pad Thai. Stanley: It's collard greens. Michael: What? Stanley: It's collard greens. Michael: That doesn't really make sense. Because you don't call them collared people, that's offensive. Hmmm... OK, well, it's after five. So... Thank you very much. Buena vista Oscar. Thank you. Good job. Oh, my man. Thank you Brazil. Nice. Jim: [Pam is asleep, resting her head on Jim's shoulder] Um... Hey. Pam: [stirs] Mmmm. Jim: Hey. Pam: Oh. Jim: We can go. Pam: Sorry. Jim: That's fine. Jim: Uh... Not a bad day.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "01x02 - Diversity Day"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: Pam. Pamela. Pam-elama-ding-dong. Making copies. Pam: I'm not making any copies. Michael: Let's go. Messages. Stat. Lots to do, lots to do. Information superhighway. Pam: Nothing new. Michael: Lay them on me. What? Pam: There's nothing new. Michael: That's not what you said earlier. Pam: Oh, do you want me to repeat the messages that I gave you before for the... [nods toward camera] Michael: The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I heal them. Today, I am in charge of picking a great new health care plan. Right? That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um... Yes, in a way. Yeah, like a specialist. Jan: So, which health plan have you decided on? Michael: I am going to go with the best, Jan. I am going to go with the one with the acupuncture, therapeutic massage, you know, the works. Jan: Wait, acupuncture? None of the plans have acupuncture. Have you looked at them closely Michael? Michael: I think it was you who didn't look closely enough at the Gold Plan. Jan: The Gold Plan? I'm not even on that plan. Michael: Well, I'd recommend it. It's very good. Jan: Michael. Michael: You gotta crack these things open. Jan: You know the whole reason that we're doing this, is to save money. So you just need to pick a provider and choose the cheapest plan. Michael: Well, that is kind of a tough assignment. Um... It won't be popular decision around the old orifice. Jan: It's your job. So... Michael: Well, it's a su1c1de mission, you know. Jan: Michael... maybe... I mean... Michael: There, there... Jan: Sometimes a manager, like yourself, has to deliver the bad news to the employees. I do it all the time. Michael: [scoffs] When have you ever done that? Jan: I'm doing it right now. To you. Jim: Last night on Trading Spouses, there's... have you seen it? Pam: No. I have a life. Jim: Interesting, what's that like? Pam: You should try it sometime. Jim: Wow. But then who would watch my TV? That is... Pam: [laughs]... your problem. Michael: Jimbo! Ha haaaaa. Ah. Michael: There's a decision that needs to be made, and I'm having an unbelievably a busy day. So I'm going to let you pick a health care plan for our office and then explain it to your co-workers. Jim: Gosh. Michael: Yeah! Jim: That is a great offer. Thank you. I really think I should be concentrating on sales. Michael: Really? Jim: Yeah. I just don't think this is the kind of task, that I... am going to do. You know who would be great for this? Jim: Any time Michael asks me to do anything, I just tell him that Dwight should do it. Dwight: Yes. I can do it. I'm your man. Jim: Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company then this would be my career. And uh, well, if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train. Dwight: OK, first, let's go over some parameters. How many people can I fre? Michael: Ah, none. You're picking a health care plan. Dwight: OK, we'll table that for the time being. Two, I'll need an office. I think the conference room should be fine. Michael: You can use the conference room as a temporary workspace. Dwight: [to self] Yes, I have an office. [to camera] Bigger than his. Michael: Nope, you cannot use it. Dwight: OK, I take it back, it's a workspace. Michael: Temporary workspace. You can use it. Dwight: Thank you. Michael: If Dwight fails, then that is strike two, and good for me for, ah, for giving him a second chance. And if he succeeds, then, you know, no one will be prouder than I am. I groomed him. I made him what he is today. Unless he fails, and we've talked about that already. Dwight: What did I do? I did my job. I slashed benefits to the bone. I saved this company money. Was I too harsh? Maybe. I don't believe in coddling people. Dwight: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dad." Well, I'm not dad. I'm the lion. You're dad. Stanley: There's no dental, there's no vision, there's a $1,200 deductible. Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Michael: [on phone] Pam, Michael Scott. How's tricks? Pam: Where are you? Michael: Oh, I am in my office. I am swamped. I have work up to my ears I'm busy, busy, busy. Can't step away. I just wanted to check in and see how everybody's doing. Everybody cool out there? Pam: Actually, people are really unhappy. Um, Dwight sent around this memo and people are freaking out 'cause the... Michael: Pam! Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I, I, I, I gotta go. I'm getting a call. Pam: No you're not. Michael: I have to make a call after I finish... my work. You know what? Uh, just don't let anybody in my office under any conditions today. I'm just too busy. Too swamped, you know? I am unreachable. I am incommunicado, capisce? Pam: OK. Michael: Thank you, Oh, gah, here we go again. Gotta go, I have to take this. Pam: Still no one calling. Pam: Dwight, what... Dwight: Uh, knock, please. Please knock. This is an office. Jim: It says "workspace". Dwight: Same thing. Jim: If it's the same thing, then why did you write "workspace"? Dwight: Just knock, Please? As a sign of respect for your superior. Jim: You are not my superior. Dwight: Oh gee, then why do I have an office? Jim: I thought it was a workspace? Pam: OK. Dwight. Are you really in charge of picking the health care plan? Dwight: Yes. And my decision in final. Pam: This is a ridiculously awful plan. Because you cut everything. Dwight: Aww, times are tough, Pam. Deal with it. Jim: You cut more than you had to, didn't you? Dwight: Sure. Jim: Well, why did you do that? You work here, don't you want good insurance? Dwight: Don't need it. Never been sick. Perfect immune system. Jim: OK, well, if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies. Dwight: I don't need them. Superior genes. I'm a Schrute. And superior brain power. Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will. Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol? Dwight: So I can lower it. Oscar: He literally won't come out of his office. Kevin: He's got to come out sometime. To go to the bathroom. Angela: Kevin! That's inappropriate. Oscar: Michael, can I talk to you? Michael: Ah, uh, I would love to, but I am really busy. Rain check? Meredith: Michael. Michael, please, can we talk to you about this memo? Michael: Ah, what? Which memo? Pam: Dwight's health care memo. I told you about it. Michael: Is it a good plan? Dwight: It's a great plan. It saves the company a fortune. Oscar: It's like a pay decrease. Pam: Michael, he made huge cuts. Michael: Cuts? What? Wow, Dwight, did you make cuts? Dwight: Yeah, you said... Michael: No, no , no, you know what? I said nothing specific because I was so busy. Why don't you go in there and find these people a plan that will work for them? OK? Dwight: I can handle that. Michael: OK? All right. Do we feel good? All right. Good. Plus, there's some other good news. Today, at the end of the day, I will have, for all of you, a big surprise. OK? So hang in there, and I will see you at the end of the day. Right? Oscar: This is not good. Angela: It's ridiculous. Did you talk to him? Oscar: What was that? Angela: You let him walk all over you. It's just pathetic. Kevin: What are you guys talking about? Angela: Nothing, Kevin. Michael: Do I know what the surprise is? Hell no! It doesn't matter. The point is, they're not unhappy anymore. They're out there thinking, "Wow, my boss really cares about me. He has a surprise. He's cool. I... what a great guy. I love him. I... love him. Dwight: OK, everyone. Gather round. Step forward. It has been brought to my attention that some of you are unhappy with my plan. So what I'd like you to do is to fill this out and write down any diseases you have that you might want covered and I'll see what I can do. Jim: OK, you know what Dwight? We can't write our diseases down for you because that's confidential. Dwight: OK, well, I didn't say to write your name down, did I? Fill it out, leave it anonymous. Or, don't write any disease down at all and it won't be covered. Sound fair? Good. I'll be in my office. Jim: Workspace. Michael: You know what? Come with me. We are going on a little mission. Operation Surprise. Pam: Where are you going? Michael: Um, headed out. Part of my busy day, you know. Meetings. [Giggles] Couldn't find the knob. Michael: So, basically, I want to do something nice for my employees. Atlantic City, OK? They have this thing where they send a bus, right, for free. Picks everybody up, you head down there, get to the hotel, room is comped, they give you a pile of chips, and your food, everything just kind of all-inclusive, free kind of weekend. Travel Agent: I don't know of anything like that, but, um, you know what you might want to do, is just call those casinos directly. Um, maybe? Michael: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did, so... Jim: Wait. What are you writing? Don't write Ebola or mad cow disease. Right? 'Cause I'm suffering from both. Pam: I'm inventing new diseases. Jim: Oh, great. Pam: So, let's say my teeth turn to liquid and then, they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that? Jim: I thought you said you were inventing diseases? That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion. Pam: Nice. Jim: Thank you. Michael: [on his cell phone] Calling you to ask you a little favoroonie my friend. Um, trying to give the troops around here a little bit of a boost. And I was thinking that maybe we could take them down to take a spin on your big ride. Man on Phone: You mean the elevator that takes you down into the mineshaft? It's not really a ride. Michael: Its says here that it's a 300ft drop. Man on Phone: It goes 300 feet into the earth, but it moves really slowly. Michael: So it's not a free fall? Man on Phone: It's an industrial coal elevator. Michael: Uh, all right. Well, once you get down into the mine, what... you got laser tag or something? Michael: OK, so I don't know what the surprise is. Am I worried? No. No way. See, I thrive on this. This is my world. This is improv. This is Whose Line is it Anyway? Dwight: Damnit! Damnit Jim! Dwight: All right, who did this? I'm not mad. I just want to know who did it so I can punish them. Jim: What are you talking about? Dwight: Uh, someone forged, uh, medical information and that is a felony. Jim: OK, whoa. 'Cause that is a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake? Dwight: Uh, leprosy? Flesh eating bacteria. Hot-dog fingers. Government-created kller nanorobot infection. Dwight: You did this, didn't you? Jim: Absolutely not. Dwight: Yes you did. Jim: No I didn't. Dwight: I know it was you. Fine. You know what? I'll have to interview each and every one of you until the perpetrator makes him or herself known. And until that time, there will be no health care coverage for any one! Jim: kller nanorobots? Pam: It's an epidemic. Dwight: The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need, because someone in this office is coming up with all this ridiculous stuff. [reads off of paper] "Count Choculitis" Jim: Sounds tough. Dwight: Why did you write that down Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula? Jim: Do you? Dwight: I think you need to confess... Jim: Mmm hmm. Dwight: ...the fact... Jim: Yep. Dwight: What are you doing? Those are my keys. Jim: Good luck. [closes door and locks it] Dwight: Jim! Damnit! No! Jim! Let me out! Jim! Let... [Without looking, Jim throws his keys to his left, they land on a shelf next to Stanley] Stanley: [looks at keys, continues talking on phone] ...the light green or green... Jim: [answering phone] Jim Halpert. Dwight: Let me out. Jim: Who is this? Dwight: Let me out or you're fired. Jim: No, you can't fre me. Dwight: Yes I can. I'm manager for the day. Clean out your desk. Jim: OK, can you hold on? I'm getting the, ah, beep. [presses button on phone]] Jim Halpert. Pam: [on phone] Hey, Jim. It's Pam. Jim: Hey Pam! How are you? Dwight: Jim! Open the door! Pam: Good, how are you? Busy? Jim: I'm doing OK. Getting excited for the weekend though. What are you up to? Dwight: Jim! Pam: Um, I'm not bothering you, am I? Jim: No, not at all. Pam: You don't have anything you're doing? Jim: I have nothing to do. Dwight: Jim! Pam: Oh great. Um, no, this weekend? Nothing. I'm not really doing anything. Dwight: Jim! Jim: Oh yeah? Pam: I might go to the mall. Jim: The mall? Dwight: Jim! Pam: I need new shoes. Jim: Oh, interesting, what kind of shoes? Jan: Hello? Dwight: Uh, hello. Uh, this is Dwight Schrute calling for Jan Levenson-Gould. Jan: This is Jan. Dwight: Hi. Dwight Schrute calling, acting manager, Scranton branch. Listen, I needed your permission to fre Jim Halpert. Jan: Who is this? Dwight: Dwight Schrute. Jan: From sales? Dwight: Well... Jan: Where's Michael Scott? Dwight: He is not here right now. He put me in charge of the office. Jan: Dwight, listen to me very carefully. You are not a manager of anything. Understand? Dwight: That's not entirely true, because he put me in charge of picking the health care plan. Jan: Really? Dwight: Yeah. Jan: OK, when Michael gets back, you tell him to call me immediately. Dwight: Call you immediately. Good. Oh, hey, listen, um, since I have you on the phone, um, can I fre Jim? Jan: No. Please don't use my cell phone ever again. Dwight: Oh, this is your cell, I thought this was your... [dial tone] Michael: Hey, hey, everybody, Ice-cream sandwiches! Aaaahh! [laughs] Here you go. Take one, take one. It's all good. Phyllis, think fast. Ya-bome! Oh, oh, I see Angela. Angela? Right? Waaaaah! Oh, hey temp. Why don't you take two? Because you don't get health care. And uh, faster metabolism. Ryan: Did you get the kind with the cookies? Instead of the... Michael: Why don't you just eat it, OK? And here you go, Stanley the manly. Stanley: Oh, thanks. Michael: There you go. Stanley: This isn't the big surprise, is it? Because we've been having a pretty horrible day. Michael: Uh, nope. Nope. This isn't the surprise. It's surprising, um... because you didn't expect it. But you will... you'll know it when you see it. Dwight: Michael. Michael? Michael: [under his breath] Oh, Christ. Dwight: I tried being rational, OK? And what happened? The employees went crazy, I got no help from corporate. That leaves me with no options. Dwight: I'm now going to read out loud your submitted medical conditions. When you hear yours read, please raise your hand to indicate that it is real. If you do not raise your hand, it will not be covered. Stanley: What about confidentiality? Dwight: You know what? You have forfeited that privilege. I have tried to treat you all as adults, but obviously I am the only adult here. Number one, inverted penis. Meredith: Could you mean vagina? Because if you do, I want that covered. Dwight: I thought your vagina was removed during your hysterectomy? Meredith: A uterus is different from a vagina. I still have a vagina. Dwight: OK, great. Dermatitis. Thank you Angela. I'll make sure that's covered. OK, now. Who wrote this, hysterical one? a*l fissures? Kevin: That's a real thing. Dwight: Yeah, but no one here has it. Kevin: Someone has it. Kevin: Do you think we should go ? Oscar: I don't know, Kevin. This is important. I don't want... [spots Michael through the blinds] There he is. Kevin: What is he doing? Oscar: I don't know. Oscar: Well? Michael: Well, what? You could be referring to anything. Oscar: OK, the health care plan. Pam: Why did you put Dwight in charge of that? He did a horrible job. Michael: Uh, Dwight? Did you raise benefits? Dwight: I most certainly did not. Michael: Oh come on! That's horrible! Aaah... Thanks, Dwight, for a crappy plan. Ah, Damn! Oh, mmm, I wish I had time to change it, but Jan needs it by five, and... what time is it, what time is it? [looks at watch] Ah, it's after five. Oh, oh it's awful. So, well, OK. See you guys on Monday. Angela: What about the surprise? Michael: Oh... Yes. Exactly. Thank you Angela, for reminding me. Terrific. Um, before I tell everybody what the big surprise is, would you like to tell me what you think the big surprise is? Stanley: We all think you don't have a surprise. Michael: All right, I have some news for you. There is a big surprise. And... here it is. Here we go. And the big surprise is... Brrrrrrrr! Drum roll... Brrrrrrrr! Brrrrrrrr! Michael: When I am backed into a corner, that is when I come alive. See I learned improve from the greats, like, um, Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles. Michael: [clapping hands] God, yeah... Ah! This... Michael: Robin Williams. Oh, man, would I love to go head-to-head with him. Oh! That would be exciting. [as Robin Williams] "Hi. I'm Mork from Ork." Well, I'm Bork from Spork. Nanoo, nanoo. Jibelee, baloobaloo. Dwight: Oh, um... Jan wants you to call her.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "01x03 - Health Care"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: Michael!? Michael: Oh! God. Dwight, come on... Dwight: I wanted to talk to you about the downsizing? Michael: There's no downsizing. Dwight: I, but if there were, I'd be protected as assistant regional manager? Michael: Assistant to the regional manager Dwight. Dwight: Yeah, so I don't have to worry? Michael: Look, look, look. I talked to corporate, about protecting the sales staff. And they said they couldn't guarantee it if there's downsizing, okay? Michael: But there's no downsizing, so just don't... Dwight: Bottom line. Do I need to be worried? Michael: Mmm, mm, mm. Maybe. Michael: It looks like there's gonna be downsizing. And it's part of my job, but... blah! I hate it. I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, "You're fired." [as Donald Trump] "You're foir-ed. Uh, you're foir-ed." It just makes people sad, and an office can't function that way. No way. [as Donald Trump] "You're foir-ed." I think if I had a catchphrase it would be, "You're hired, and you can work here as long as you want." But that's unrealistic, so... Dwight: It's a real shame, 'cause studies have shown that more information gets passed through water-cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage, because I bring my own water to work. Stanley: Why'd you do this? Dwight: I didn't do it. What do you mean? Oh, the water cooler was brought over here for... maintenance. So what do you guys hear? What's the scuttlebutt? Michael: Get set for Operation Morale Improvement starring Michael Scott. Now, I think I have had a little stroke of genius in that I have had my assistant Pam... Smile, Pam. I have had her go out and find out whose birthday is coming up, so we can have a little celebration for it. Not bad, not bad at all. All right. And the birthday person is... drum roll please. Here we go, who is the birthday, birthday person? Michael: Who is it? Who's the birthday? Pam: Um... Actually, we don't have any staff birthdays coming up. Michael: Next person on the... Pam: Oh. Michael: ...calendar. Pam: Okay, umm... that would be Meredith. Michael: Yes! All right, come on down Meredith! Pam: But it's not until next month. Michael: Um... uh, OK. Well, great, well, you know, it'll be a surprise. Pam: You still want to have a party? Michael: Yeah, why not? Sure. Go ahead, live a little. Come on, Pam. Come on, shake it up. Shake it up! Shake it up! Michael: [grabs cell phone off desk] Brrrp! Uh, Spock, are there any signs of life down there? Well, let me check Captain. Eeee. Eeee. Eeee. Eeee. No, Captain. No signs of life down here. Just a wet blanket named Pam. Brr-rrrp. Star Trek. Phyllis: Well, uh, for decorations, maybe we could... it's stupid, forget it. Angela: What? Phyllis: I was just going to say, maybe we could have streamers, but that's dumb, everybody has streamers. Never mind. Angela: No, yeah, I think that's a good idea. Phyllis: Yeah? Angela: What color do you guys think? Phyllis: Well, there's green, um, blue... yellow... red... Pam: How about green? Angela: I think green is kind of whoreish. Pam: This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin. But Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her. Michael: These are my party-planning beeyatches. Pulled off an amazing '80s party last year. Off the hook! Michael: So I was thinking, if you haven't already got a cake, um, maybe going for one of those ice-cream cakes from Baskin-Robbins. Those are very good. Very Delicious. Angela: Meredith's allergic to dairy, so... Michael: She's not the only one that's going to be eating it, right? I think everybody likes ice-cream cake. It's not, uh, it's not just about her, so... Pam: It is... her birthday. Michael: Mint chocolate chip! That'd be good, how about some, mint chocolate chip? Dwight: Hey, so listen, I was thinking that it might be a good idea if you and I formed an alliance. 'Cause of the downsizing? I think an alliance might be a good idea, you know. Help each other out. Dwight: Do you want to form, an alliance, with me? Jim: Absolutely, I do. Dwight: Good, good. Excellent, OK. Now we need to figure out who's vulnerable and who's protected... Jim: At that moment, I was so happy. I mean, everything Dwight does annoys me. Dwight: Did you get your tickets? Jim: To what? Dwight: The gn show. [Rolls up his sleeve and kisses his bicep] Jim: And I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him, but only in ways that could get me arrested. And then here he comes and he says "No, Jim, here's a way." Dwight: There's one other thing and this is important. Let's keep this alliance totally a secret. Don't tell anyone. Pam: An alliance? Jim: Oh yeah. Pam: What does that even mean? Jim: I think it has something to do with Survivor, but I'm not sure. Jim: Um, I know that it involves spying on people and we may build a fort, underground. Dwight: Jim! Hey. Hi, Pam. Listen, could I talk to you a second about the... paper products? Dwight: Did you tell Pam about the alliance? Jim: What? No. Dwight: Just now. Jim: What? Oh no no no. Dwight, no. I'm using her, for the alliance. Who knows the most information about this office? Pam. Dwight: Right, that's good, good, pursue this. Jim: Well I'm trying to. Do you see what I'm doing? Dwight: Mmm hmm. Jim: But listen, I'm going to have to talk to her a lot. All right? And there may be chatting, and giggling. And you gotta just pretend to ignore it. Wipe it away. Dwight: Done. Jim: All right. Michael: [to the camera] Can you get her? She's right there. [camera zooms in on Meredith at here desk] That is Meredith, the birthday girl. And this... is Meredith's card. Happy Bird-Day. [laughs] Um, let's see. Jim, Jim wrote, "Meredith, I heard you're turning 46, but, come on, you're an accountant. Just fudge the numbers." Not bad, pretty funny, I don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud though. Uh, here's the thing. Whatever I write here has to be really, really funny. Because people out there are expecting it. I've already set the bar really high. And they're all worried about their jobs, you know. It's kinda dark out there. Can you imagine if I wrote something like, uh, "Oh, Meredith. Happy Birthday. You're great. Love, Michael." [pretends to vomit and laughs] Dwight: They seem awfully chummy, don't you think? Jim: Yeah, what do you think that's about? Dwight: Only one way to find out. Jim: I'm on it. Jim: You are not going to believe this. Dwight: What? I believe it. Jim: Well, tensions were high in the kitchen. Dwight: I could tell, from the body language. Jim: Hey Kev, that looks good. What is it? Turkey? Kevin: Italian. Jim: Oh, Italian. Nice. Wow! You got the works there. Red onion, provolone... Kevin: Yeah. Jim: Toby and Kevin, they're trying to get Angela kicked off. Dwight: Good, let 'em. It helps our cause. Jim: Well, I don't know, if Kevin's in accounting, and Toby's in Human Resources and they're talking... Dwight: Oh, they're forming an alliance Toby: I love their sandwiches. Jim: I love their sandwiches too. Kevin: Their bread's really good. Jim: Their bread is very good. Dwight: Damn it. God! Jim: OK, listen, we need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance and is therefore trying to get us kicked off. Dwight: God... Damn it! Why us? Jim: Because we're strong, Dwight. Because we're strong. Michael: [staring at birthday card] Meredith, Meredith... Meri... Mary had a little lamb. Mary... Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor. Michael: Hey, Oscar! Come on in. What's up? Oscar: Uh, I'm sorry to bother you. Michael: Oh, not at all. Come on in. What's going on? Oscar: My nephew is involved with, um, a charity for cerebral palsy, and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to... you know... if... Michael: What? Oscar: Donate to the charity? Michael: Oh, God. Of course I would. Get it over here. Get that over here. Oscar: Thank you. Michael: No, I'm always good... for some serious buckage. Wow. Two dollars, three dollars? People out here do not care about diseases. I am going to give you... $25. Oscar: That's... that's... that's very generous. Michael: Oh, my gosh, well... Listen, Oscar, generosity and togetherness and community all convalescences into... morale. That's what I say, so... Pam: [whispering] Hey, Jim, can I talk to you for a second? Jim: Sure, what's up? Pam: Um, I don't know, I'm just like, I'm going a little crazy 'cause I keep overhearing all these conversations between Michael and corporate about like, staff issues? Jim: Oh no? Pam: Yeah, he's making me take notes on these meetings and I'm, like, "These people are my friends." But he's all like, "This is confidential. You can't tell anybody." But I just feel like I want to... aaah. Just promise me you're not gonna say anything. Jim: No, will not, I'm not going to tell anybody. This is between you and me. Pam: OK, yeah. Dwight: Jackpot. Jim: That was beautiful. All her idea too. Awesome. She is so great. Michael: [looking at birthday card] Meredith, bad breath. Meredith has bad breath. Dwight: Hey, you wanted to see me? Michael: Yeah. What do you know about Meredith? Dwight: I don't think she'd be missed. Michael: There's not going to be downsizing Dwight, OK? I just, I need to know a little bit more about my friend. Dwight: Name, Meredith Palmer. Uh, personal information, divorced twice, two kids. Uh, Employer, Dunder Mifflin Paper Incorporated. Awards, multiple Dundies. Michael: I know all that. I know all that. I just, I need something kind of embarrassing, you know. Kind of fun, inside. Dwight: She had a hysterectomy. Michael: [laughs] Which one is that again? Dwight: That's where they remove the uterus. Michael: Oh God! Dwight, no. I'm trying to write something funny. What am I going to do with a removed uterus? Dwight: It could be kind of funny. Michael: You know what, I am on a deadline here, and just... OK. Thanks, thanks for your help. I'll work it out. Thank you Dwight. That was a waste of time. Jim: OK, here's the deal. All right? Pam says that one of the alliances is meeting in the warehouse during Meredith's birthday. Dwight: Oh my God, we have to be there. Jim: I know, but it's gonna be a little tough because there's no good place to hide there. Dwight: No no, yes there is. Behind the shelves. Oh my God. Jim: What? What? Dwight: I know. I know exactly what to do. Jim: [gives Dwight a high five] Great. Dwight: I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are... at vision. Dwight: This is going to be perfect, OK? Centrally located. Perfect cover. I can hear and see everything. Jim: Good. Ryan: Michael? Are you done yet? Michael: Almost there. Just a sec. Just a second. It is perfect, thank you. Excellent, here we go. It is time, thank you. OK, come on. Let's go! Get the cake. Here we go. Come on! Shhh. Be quiet. Jim: Wait, this isn't gonna work. The lid's open. Dwight: So tape it down. Jim: I can't do that. You won't be able to breathe. Dwight: Look, I can breathe just fine. OK, but if it makes you feel better, I'll poke holes in the box. Jim: Thank you, thank you. OK. Everybody: Surprise! Meredith: Oh! Surprise. Angela: No, it's ah... Michael: It's surprise Meredith. One, two... Everybody: [tunelessly] Happy birthday to you. Michael: Find a key. Everybody: Happy birthday... Jim: So do you want me to stay here and, you know, stand next to the box? Dwight: No, you need to go upstairs to the party so people don't notice we're both gone. Jim: Right... That's good. Dwight: Can I trust Jim? I don't know. Do I have a choice? No, frankly, I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? You tell me. Everybody: [singing] ... birthday, dear Meredith Happy birthday to you... Michael: And many more! Stanley: Last year, five years ago... Michael: You were surprised, weren't you? Meredith: Yes. Michael: You looked freaked, man. We said "Surprise." You were, like, "What?" "What the hell's goin' on here?" Good cake. Why don't you have some? Meredith: Uh, I can't. Um... Michael: Come on. A little bit. Meredith: I can't eat dairy. Michael: Oh, right. God, too bad. It's so good. Meredith: Yeah, it makes me sick. Michael: You know what? If I were allergic to dairy, I think I'd kll myself. 'Cause this is way, way too good. Pam: He's in a box? Jim: Pam, he's in a box. He's downstairs, in a box, on the floor, near the shelves. I'm serious. Go down there and work your magic. Pam: [on her cell phone] Hey where are you? Yeah, we were supposed to meet here. What? Oh my gosh! That ties in perfectly with something that Michael was telling me earlier! I just don't know what some of the people in, like, accounting are going to do? It said specifically that... Dwight: [box falls over] Oh. Michael: Jim, good party, huh? Just a little something I whipped up. You know, a little morale boost. No big deal. Jim: Speaking of which, I meant to tell you. Very impressive, the uh, donation you gave to Oscar's charity. What was it? 25 bucks? Michael: Well, you know, money isn't everything Jim. It's not the key to happiness. You know what is? Joy. You should remember that. Maybe you'll give more than three dollars next time. Jim: Yeah, well, three dollars a mile. It's gonna end up being like 50 bucks. So... God, I can't even calculate what you're gonna have to give. Michael: Is Oscar around? Michael: I just thought it was kind of a flat, you know... 25 dollar, one-time donation. I didn't think it was per mile kinda deal. You know, so... Oscar: Well, that's what a walk-a-thon is. Michael: I know... Oscar: It says it right on the sheet. Look, look at the sheet. It says, "However many dollars per mile." Michael: Right. Got it. Yes. So it does. Um... Oscar: I just think it's kind of cheap to un-donate money to a charity. Michael: No, no, no, no, no. That wasn't what I wasn't, that wasn't... No. It-it-it's not about the money. It's just... it... it's the ethics of the thing, Oscar. How's your nephew? Is he in good shape? Oscar: Yeah. Michael: How many miles did he do last year? Oscar: Last year, he walked 18 miles. Michael: Son of a bitch. That is impressive. Pam: Happy Birthday. [gives Meredith her card] Michael: Read it out loud. And say who wrote everything so we know whose is the best. Meredith: "Happy Bird-day" Um... "Meredith, good news. You're not actually a year older because you work here, where time stands still." Michael: [under his breath] I don't know about that. Meredith: That was Stanley. "Meredith, happy birthday, you're the best. Love, Pam." Michael: [pretends to vomit] Huh! Thanks, downer. Meredith: This is from Michael. "Meredith, let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age." Michael: Because of the downsizing. Rumors. And because you're gettin' old. Meredith: No, I... I get it. It's funny. Michael: [laughs] You didn't get the joke. So, that's cool. That's, you know what? Actually... I have a bunch of these, good ones, that I didn't use. Um... Oh, where's that? Oh, OK, here's a good one. Um... "Hey Meredith, Liz Taylor called, she wants her age back and her divorces back." 'Cause Meredith's been divorced like, twice. Is that right? Meredith: You're right. You're right. Yes. Michael: Divorce. Um... OK, "Meredith is so old..." Oscar: How old is she? Michael: Everybody? If... could do it? "Meredith is so old..." Everybody: How old is she? Michael: "She's so old, she went into an antique store and they kept her." Michael: That wasn't even mine. I got that off the Internet. Website. Um, don't get mad at me. Oscar: Uh, nice party Michael. Michael: This isn't my fault. Ladies, not your best effort. The streamers? I think we could have done better than that. Angela: Phyllis wanted red, I didn't. Phyllis: Oh, boy... You... Michael: OK, we... all right. People, hold on, hold on. Just a second. OK, I think we're losing sight of what is really important here. And that is that we are... a group of people... who work together. I was... I really wasn't gonna flaunt this. I have made a very sizable donation to Oscar's nephew's... walkathon. $25. Oscar: Per mile. Michael: Per mile, yes. Michael: When I retire, I... don't want to just disappear to an island somewhere. I wanna be the guy who gives everything back. Michael: A check for the kids, and for the team. Michael: I want it to be like... "Hey, who donated that hospital wing that is saving so many lives?" "Um, well, I don't, I don't know. It was anonymous." "Well, guess what, [whispering] that was Michael Scott." "But it was anonymous, how do you know?" "Because I'm him." Oscar: Thank you, Michael. Michael: Come here. [hugs Oscar and In a low voice] Don't cash that till Friday, OK? Toby: Really? Today? Ryan: Yeah. Toby: Oh, Happy Birthday. Ryan: Thanks. Toby: Yeah, I could say something. Ryan: No, don't. Don't do that. Jim: OK, OK. I have something that totally tops the box. Pam: Oh, tell me, tell me. Jim: OK. I have just convinced Dwight that he needs to go to Stamford and... [Pam starts laughing]... spy on our other branch. No no no. Jim: But before he does so, I told him that he should dye his hair to go undercover. Pam: [laughing] That's perfect! Jim: If we can get him to drive to Connecticut... and put peroxide in his hair... Roy: [yelling] What the hell is this? What are you trying to cop a feel or something? Huh Halpert? Jim: No, no, dude, no. Pam: Hey, Hey! Jim: No, dude, no, I was just, listen! Whoa. Pam: Come on. Jim: God, I don't even, I don't even know how to explain this. Uh, um... Dwight, uh, asked me to be in an alliance. And then um... um... we were... we've just been messing with him. Uh, because of the whole alliance thing. Um... Pam: It's just office pranks. Jim: It's stupid. It's, it's just office pranks. Roy: [looking at Dwight] An alliance? What the hell is he talking about? Dwight: I have absolutely no idea. Roy: Come on. Dwight: Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? Not at all. That's the game. Convince him we're in an alliance, get some information, throw him to the wolves. Dwight: [With blonde hair] That's politics baby. Get what you can out of someone, then crush them. I think Jim might have learned a very valuable lesson.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "01x04 - The Alliance"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: [to Jim] Hey, you ready? Michael: All right, all right, secret sign. Hey, Ryan. [Ryan holds up his bag] Very good. Excellent, excellent. Dwight: Michael! Michael: Today at lunchtime we're going to be playing the warehouse staff at a friendly little game of basketball. My idea. Last time I was down there, I noticed they'd put up a couple of hoops, and I play basketball every weekend. So I thought, "This might be kinda fun." And so I started messing around and... I'm sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans! So... you know, it's really just a good friendly game, a reason to get together. Michael: Pam, Pam, thank you ma'am. Messages, please. Thank you. Dwight: Michael, can I talk to you, please? Privately? In your office? I think I should be on the team. Michael: No. And that's not me being mean, Dwight. That is based on your past behavior. Dwight: Oh, please. Michael: [to camera] When I let him come to my pick-up game... Dwight: I apologized for that. Michael: [to Dwight] I vouched for you. Dwight: Michael, I... Michael: I vouched for you in front of Todd Packer, Dwight. All right, here's what I'm going to do. The hand strikes and gives a flower. You are not going to play basketball. But I need somebody to come in and take over the holiday and weekend work calendar. Dwight: I can handle that. Michael: Good. Excellent, it'll be fun. Because corporate, uh, wants someone to be here on Saturday. And so we're going to have to have some people come in on the weekend, and I know nobody's gonna want to do it and I know everybody's gonna complain and bitch and I don't want to have to deal with that. Dwight: And that's why you have an assistant regional manager. Michael: Yes it is. Assistant to the regional manager. Dwight: [to camera] Same thing. Michael: No, it's not. It's lower, so... Dwight: It's close. Dwight: So we need someone to work this Saturday and I think that, that should be...Jim. Jim: God, this is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head. Phyllis, can you believe this? Phyllis: Keep me out of it. Pam: My fiance has plans for us this Saturday. So I really hope that Dwight doesn't make me work. Maybe I should sleep with him? I'm kidding, kidding. Totally kidding. Michael: All right, managing by walking around. This is our warehouse. Or, as I like to call it, the whorehouse. But don't you call it that, I've earned the right. Ryan: Fine, don't worry about that. Michael: And here we have "Mister Roger's Neighborhood." Come on over here. Hey, this is Ryan. He's temping upstairs. Lonny: What's up? Michael: And this is the foreman. Mista Ra-jahs. Darryl: It's not my real name. Michael: No, it's Darryl. Darryl is Mista Ra-jahs. Ryan: Darryl Rogers? Darryl: Darryl Philbin. Then Regis, then Rege, then Roger, then Mister Rogers. Michael: [laughs] And that is Lonny. And this is Roy. Roy dates Pam. You know, the uh, the best looking one upstairs. Ryan: Yeah, yeah. Michael: You still getting it regular man? Huh? I mean, I can tell her it's part of the job! Rapport! Pam: [on the phone] No, no, I know that the warranty's expired, but isn't it supposed to last longer than two years if it isn't defective? OK, fine, three years. Jim: Pam gets a little down. Her toaster oven broke. Um, which she got at her engagement shower. Um, for a wedding that still has yet to be set... and that was three years ago. Michael: So, um, one o'clock sharp and we've got a game on. Darryl: We're loading at one. Michael: Oh, I see, you're chickening out on me. You're bailing on me. Darryl: No, we got a truck going out at 1:15. So, that's the busy time. Michael: Oh, well, I'm glad that some time is a busy time because whenever I'm down here it doesn't seem too busy to me. Oh, oh. You can dish it out, but you can't take it. OK, fine, have it your way. [clucking and dancing like a chicken] Darryl: All right, fine, you know what? One o'clock. Michael: All right, see you at one. Michael: Are we ready for the game? Everybody: [half-heartedly] Yeah. Michael: I... yeah, yeah. I know, grumble, grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumbling all the way. Like that, uh, dwarf from Lord of the Rings. Dwight: Gimli. Michael: Nerd. That is why you're not on the team. Dwight: Just trying to be helpful. Michael: Uh, [in a nerdy voice] "I'll help, Elwyn Dragonslayer, uh, ten points, power sword." Jim: That's him. Michael: OK, so, let's put together a starting line-up, shall we? Stanley of course. Stanley: I'm sorry? Michael: Um, what do you play? Center? Stanley: Why "of course"? Michael: Uh... Stanley: What's that supposed to mean? Michael: Uh, I don't know. I don't remember saying that. Jim: Uh, I heard it. Michael: Well, people hear a lot of things, man. Um... other starters... Me, of course. I heard it that time. Phyllis: I'd like to play if it's just for fun. I played basketball in school. Michael: [ignores Phyllis)] Um... Yeah. Who else? We have Jim. We have Ryan, the new guy, right? Untested. Willing to prove himself now. A lot of passion, a lot of heart. Ryan: But, I'm getting paid to skip lunch? Michael: Yes. Ryan: OK. Michael: Yes, this is business. The, uh, business of team building and morale boosting. Uh, who else? Oscar: I can help out, if you need me. Michael: I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box. Kevin: I have a hoop in my driveway. Michael: No. Phyllis: I have a sports bra. Michael: No, no, ridiculous. Dwight: Michael, look. [Dwight throws paper at the garbage can] Missed it... Michael: Close. All right, uh... Me, Stan the man, Jim, Ryan and Dwight. Dwight: Yes! Michael: Sorry Phyllis. Dwight: Can I be team captain? Michael: No, I'm team captain. Dwight: Can I be team manager? Michael: No, I am the team manager. You can be assistant to the team manager. Dwight: Assistant team manager? Michael: No. Dwight: OK, we'll see who's working this weekend then. Michael: Jim, you're in charge of the vacation schedule now. Jim: Oh my God. Michael: thrat neutralized. Michael: [hits Pam in the head with a piece of paper] Off the backboard! Pam: Please don't throw garbage at me. Michael: Oh, Pam with a zinger. Hey, Pam, how would you, like to be our cheerleader today? You know, some, ah, pigtails? A little, ah, halter top, you could tie that up. And you know, something a little, just, youthful, for a change. Just this once? Pam: I don't think so Michael. Besides, I can't cheer against my fiance. Jim: I'll do it. Wear a little flouncey skirt if you want, and... Michael: Yeah, I bet you would. Just try not to be too gay on the court. And by gay I mean, um, you know, not in a hm* way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad-at-sports way. I think that goes without saying. Pam: Maybe Angela would cheerlead. Michael: Oh, yeah right. Phyllis: I'll do it. Michael: Oh, yuck, that's worse than you playing. ... 'Cause we need you as an alternate in case somebody gets hurt. That's where we need you. Blessed be those who sit and wait. You made it, suit up, you're on the team! All right, cool! Very good. Michael: Oh-oh. Oh-oh. A spy from the warehouse. Trying to figure out our plays, huh, man? Darryl: Just getting a tea bag. Michael: Oh ho, oh, he's running. He's running. He's running, but he can't hide because you know what? One o'clock, you better bring your 'A' game. Because me, and my, posse guys are gonna be in your face. Right in your face! Darryl: Why don't we make it more interesting? Loser buys dinner at Farley's. Michael: Whoa-ho. I like the way you think. You know what, I'm gonna take that one step further. Loser, works, on Saturday. Darryl: No, that's not as much fun. You know what? Michael: What? Darryl: You're on. Michael: OK. Cool, you're on. [to Dwight] Don't screw this up. Michael: [to camera] Classic beginner's mistake, eating before a game. Angela: Has anyone seen the first-aid kit? [Dwight holds the kit up] How many times have I told you? I'm the safety officer, not you. Jim: Basketball? It was kind of my thing in high school. And I'm, yeah, I'm looking forward to playing. You know, I think I'm gonna impress a few people in here. Jim: You coming down? Pam: Yeah, I'm just forwarding the phones. Jim: You gonna wish me luck? Pam: Yeah, you're gonna need it. Jim: Whoa. Jim: Is that trash talk from Pam? Pam: [laughing] I'm just saying, Roy is very competitive. Jim: Oh. Pam: And he wants to take the WaveRunners to the lake this Saturday so... Jim: Well, I'm going to the outlet mall on Saturday, so if you wanna save big on brand names and Roy has to work, which he will, because I'm also competitive, you should feel free to come along. Pam: Um, I think I'm gonna be up at the lake. Jim: I think I'll see you at the mall. Yeah. Michael: Hey, there he is! Secret wapon! All right, guys, come on, let's bring it in! Here we go! OK, listen, this is just going to be a friendly game, right? We are all on the same team here, the Dunder Mifflin team. Of course, if you bat us, you're fired. That's a joke. OK, let's do it. Jim: Have a good game man. Roy: Yeah, you too. Should be fun. Michael: All right, everybody stretch out a little bit. Stretch it. Full stretch. Ryan, you wanna stretch? Ryan: I stretched before I came. Michael: OK. Michael: OK, Ryan, you have Darryl. I have Roy. Jim: Really? I thought I'd take Roy. Michael: Actually, I think Roy is their best player not Lonny. So, Dwight, you uh, have the East German gal. Uh, who else we got... Um...OK, all right, you guys. Dwight: [taking off his shirt] OK, we'll be skins! Michael: Aw, come on Dwight. Dwight: What? Shirts on or off? Michael: On. Just put it on. Dwight: You sure? Michael: Yes. Uh, Pam? You kind of have your foot in both camps, why don't you do the uh, jump ball OK? Roy: Don't listen to him Pam. Trust me, tip it my way or you're sleeping in the car. Michael: Stanley! What? You gotta be kidding me! !?! [Roy steals the ball, and goes for a lay up] Oh... Here we go! [Lonny sht and makes it] Who's on him? Somebody get him! Teammates: Yeah! Roy: That's what I'm talking about. Michael: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Over here, over here. [Jim saves the ball from going out of bounds and passes to Michael] Here we go. Three! [sht and misses] Let's go to the zone! We're going to zone! Dwight: De-fense! [clap, clap] [Michael joins in] De-fense! [clap clap] Michael and Dwight: De-fense! De-fense! Warehouse worker: [Roy scores] Well done team. Michael: Who's got Roy? [Jim does a behind the back move around Roy for the basket] Pam: Woo! Michael: [misses a half court sht] Aw, come on! What is wrong with me today!? Usually ht those. [Dwight scores] Dwight, I was open. All right, let's go. Michael: [Roy bumps Michael to get around him] OK, foul. Charging. Charging. That's a foul. Roy: OK. Michael: OK, I'll take it. [misses free throw] OK. Michael: When I am playing hoops all of the stress and responsibility of my job here just melts away. It's gone, I'm in the zone. Michael: [misses another sht] What is wrong with me today?! Michael: Who am I? Am I Michael Scott? I don't know... I might just be a basketball machine. What's Dunder Mifflin? I've never heard of it. Filing? Paperwork? Who cares? Possible downsizing? Um... well, that's probably gonna happen, actually. Michael: Jim! Jim! Jim, right here, Jim! Give me the ball! Ryan, cut! [Michael looks away and misses Jim's pass] Whoa! Jim: My bad. Darryl: [scores] Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Lonny: [dancing] Where you at? Where you at? You over there? I'm over there. Michael: That is cool. Is that like the Robot? Michael: [Ryan scores] Nice! Come here! [gives Ryan a chest bump] Ryan: Can we just do one? That's cool, that's fine. Darryl: You have one more free throw sht. Come on. Roy: All right, let's go. Warehouse worker: Watch your back Madge. Madge: Hey! Come on man! Michael: Come on! Hey, Dwight. Dwight! Dwight: [scores] Yeah! [points to Madge] In your face! Madge: Yeah, like that counts. Michael: You know what? Dwight, Dwight... Michael: Football is like rock and roll, it's just bam-bam-boo... And basketball is like jazz, you know? You're kind of... Dupee-doo, dupee-do. It's all downbeat, it's in the pocket, it's like... [singing] Dupee-do, dupee-do, dapee-dah... Michael: [singing] Du-du-du-du-dupee-do, de-do-do-do. Du-du-du-du-dupee-do, de-do-do-do. Harlem Globetrotter... Roy: [steals the ball, scores, mimics singing] Du-du-du-du-dupee-do. Your ball. Michael: All right, time, time out. Come on, sales, over here. Bring it in! Come on! Michael: What's going on? What's going on? You're playing like a bunch of girls. Jim: You know what? Let me take Roy. Michael: All right, switch. Take it up a notch, come on. Michael: sht, sht it. [Roy hits Jim in the mouth with his elbow] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Foul! Naked aggression! Oh, that is... You all right Jim? Suck it up. Darryl: Block, block, block! Madge: He's afraid of you now. Michael: [Jim makes a sht after pushing off Roy] Ouch! Oh, how much does it hurt? How much does it hurt? Michael: [Jim pushes Roy to the ground and makes another sht] Yes! Roy: What the hell man? Jim: Take it easy. Roy: No, you take it easy. Michael: [Darryl scores] Watch the long passes, you guys! Ryan: [Dwight steals the ball from Ryan] Same team, Dwight. Michael: Dwight! Dwight: [scores] Yes! Michael: [Phyllis scores] Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! In, your, face! Angela, what's the score? Angela: You're ahead. Michael: Yeah, baby, here we go! Michael: [Jim has the ball] Jim! Jim! Right here! [runs into the elbow of the guy guarding him] Ow! God! Hold it! Worker: I'm sorry. Michael: Foul! Foul! Worker: I'm sorry. You all right? Michael: Oh, that hurts. Worker: Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. Michael: What's your problem man? Gah, just clocking me for no reason? Darryl: Take your sht man! Michael: No, no, no, no. That was a flagrant, personal, intentional foul. Right there. Worker: No it wasn't. Michael: [mocking voice] Yes, it was. You know what, I'm just being fair. Worker: Oh, really? No, I just put my arm up... Michael: Game over. Game over. That is it! I'm sorry, you know? I hate to do it this way but, you know, that's just... we're having a friendly game. It's a shame. This is a damn shame, but we're like a family here and that just, that won't fly. Angela: This is a cold pack... Dwight: Here, give me that. You have to break the interior bag. [bag explodes] Michael: Thanks Dwight. Lonny: Wait, what does that mean? What is it, a tie? What's going on? Michael: Well, let's just say whoever was ahead won. Darryl: That was you. Michael: It was us? Really? I didn't, I didn't know. Great, I mean, I guess you guys are working Saturday. Your face. Roy: No, no, no, I'm not coming in on Saturday. Darryl: Yeah, this isn't happening. Michael: Um... well, you guys, you know, I'm the boss so... Lonny: So what's that? We're coming in on Monday, right? Michael: Hey, hey... Lonny: Monday? Michael: [laughing] You guys believed me? Come on. Dogs, you know, you should know me better than that. No, oh, do you think that would've been good for morale? No. No. No. Exactly, no. I'm embarrassed it was even that close though. So... nah, of course, we're coming in Saturday. Good game. Word. Jim: [to Pam] ...so I talked to the scout, it looks good. Pam: Mmm-hmm. Jim: I didn't sign anything. Roy: Hey baby. Pam: Hey. Roy: [to Jim] Look at Larry Bird. Larry Legend. Pam: Yeah, he's, uh, pretty good, huh? [to Roy] Let's get you into a tub. Roy: Yeah? Let's get you into a tub. Michael: Hey, what a game, huh? What a game. Oscar: What time do we have to come in? Michael: Come on. Let's not be gloomy here man. We're all in this together. We're a team. You know what? Screw corporate, nobody's coming in tomorrow. You have the day off. Like coming in an extra day is gonna prevent us from being downsized. Have a good weekend. Michael: The great thing about sports is that it is all about character. And you can learn lessons about life even if you don't win. But we did because we were ahead.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "01x05 - Basketball"}	foreverdreaming
Jan: Are you listening to me Michael? Michael: Affirmative. Jan: What did I just say? Michael: You just said, let me uh... check my notes. You just said... Jan: Alan and I have created an incentive program to increase sales. Michael: Hey, hey how is Alan? Tell Alan that the Mets suck! Okay? From me, big time. Go Pirates! Jan: I'm not going to do that Michael. Michael: Okay Jan: We've created an incentive program to increase sales. Michael: Uh, huh. Jan: At the end of the month you can reward your top seller with a prize worth up to a thousand dollars. Michael: Whoa. Howdy-ho. Wow, a thousand big ones. That's cool. Do I uh, do I get to pick the prize? Jan: Uh, yes. Yes you can. Michael: Um, question: Does top salesman include uh, people who were at one time such outstanding salesman that've been promoted to... Jan: No, Michael. No. You can't win this prize. Michael: I didn't mean me! Michael: Well, first what we have to do is find out what motivates people more than anything else. Dwight: Sex. Michael: It's illegal. Can't do that. Next best thing. Dwight: trture. Michael: Tah, come on Dwight. Just help me out here. That's just stupid. Pam: Uh, Michael? Michael: Pam! Pam: Hey, there's a... Michael: Burger with cheese! Pam: There's a person here... Michael: And fries! Pam: There's... Michael: And shake! What? Go ahead. Pam: There's a person here who wants to sell handbags. Michael: No, no, no. No vendors in the office. That is a distraction. Pam: Okay, I told her you'd talk to her. Michael: Pam. Pam. Come on, I'm busy. So just tell her to go away. Pam: Okay. Michael: [exhales loudly, looks out window and sees Katy] Oooh, alright I'll talk to her. Katy: This one is hand embroidered. Michael: All right girls break it up, you're being infiltrated. Cock in the henhouse. Dwight: Cocks in the henhouse. Michael: Don't say cocks. Oh, what is your name, my fair lass? Katy: Katy. Michael: Ah, Katy. Wow. Look at you. You are, uh you're like the new and improved Pam. Pam 6.0. [Pam looks embarassed at Michael - Katy looks sympathetically at Pam] Michael: Oh, look. Oh hey, no catfights you two. I'm against volence in the workplace. Dwight: So am I. Michael: Nobody cares what you think. Dwight: Doesn't matter. Michael: So uh, you know what? I usually don't allow solicitors in the office but today I am going to break some rules, and you can have the conference room. It's yours. All day. Katy: Wow, thanks. Pam: There's an HR meeting in there at 11:30. Michael: Well, lets put 'em in the hallway. Give 'em some chairs. Right? Decisiveness. One of the keys to success according to Small Businessman. Michael: I do. I read Small Business man. I also uh, subscribe to USA Today and American Way Magazine, that's the in-flight magazine. Some great articles in that. They did this great profile last month of Doris Roberts and where she likes to eat when she's in Phoenix. Illuminating. Michael: This is my conference room. So please, uh, make yourself at home. Whatever you need, I'm right on the other side of this wall. [knocks on wall] used to be a window here. There's not anymore. So, that's where I will be. [Katy unpacks her handbags] Michael: So if you need anything else, something to make you more confortable just don't hesitate to ask. I'm right here. Katy: I guess a cup of coffee would be great. Michael: Wait a second. I should have spotted another addict. Uh, gotta love the 'bucks. Katy: What? Michael: It's like a slang for Starbucks. They're all over the place. Oh, man, that place is like the promised land to me. What a business model too. Ah, too bad we don't have the good stuff here. Katy: Regular coffee is fine. Michael: Nah, it's not. it's spppplllibbb Katy: No really it is. Michael: No, here's the thing. Y'know I do my best to be my own man and go by the bat of a different drummer and nobody gets me, and they're always putting up walls and I'm always tearing 'em down, just breakin' down barriers, that's what I do all day. So a coffee, regular coffee for you. High test, or unleaded? Katy: Bring it on. Michael: Oh. Woo, I will. I will bring it on. Ah, all right. Kevin: So are you jealous 'cause there's another girl around? Pam: No. Kevin: She's prettier than you though. Pam: That's a very rude thing to say, Kevin. Kevin: [nods] Katy: So do you like the periwinkle and the purples? Dwight: The purse girl hits everything on my checklist. Creamy skin. Straight teeth. Curly hair. Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies. Michael: [handing Katy a mug of coffee] There ya go. Nice steaming cup o'joe. Katy: Thank you. Michael: I have an idea. Why don't I introduce you around, you know you can kind of get your foot in the door, meet potential clientele, right? Katy: Gosh, I would love to but, my purses, I should, um... Michael: Oh, um, well, we could have Ryan take a look. Ryan, would you look after the purses, please? Ryan: I'm installing File Share on all the computers. Michael: Yeah, well, bladdy-bluda-blah-blah. Techno-babble. Just do it, okay. We have company. Right? Michael: You should sell a lot here because this branch made over a million dollars last year. Not that we're all millionaires. I'm probably closest. So here's Oscar. Oscar, this is Katy. Oscar: I'm on the phone. Michael: Oooh-ooh. Oscar the grouch. Right? I thought of that. Katy: That was on Sesame Street. Michael: I know. I know. I made the connection. Can you believe he'd never heard that before he worked here? Katy: No, I don't believe that. Michael: I know, it's unbelievable. Pam: It's nice having Katy around. It's another person for Michael to um, interact with. Michael: Here is Toby from Human Resources. Katy, Toby. Katy: Hi Toby: Hi, nice to meet you. Michael: Toby, Katy. Toby: Hey, um did you go to uh, Bishop O'Hara? Katy: Yeah. Toby: Yeah, me too. Katy: Cool. What year were you there? Toby: Eighty-nine. Michael: Toby's divorced. He uh, guh recently, right? Toby: Yeah. Michael: You and your wife, and you have kids. Toby: A girl. Michael: Oh that so - that was really messy. He slept one night in your car too? Toby: [looks resigned] Katy: I should probably get back to my table. Michael: Okay. Alright. Cool. See ya in a bit. [looks at picture on Toby's desk] Oh, she's cute. Cutie-pie. Back to work. Michael: I live by one rule. No office romances. No way. Very messy. Inappropriate. No. But, I live by another rule: Just do it. Nike. Roy: Hey, Jimmy what do you think of that little purse girl, huh? Jim: Cute, sure, yeah. Roy: Why don't you get on that? Jim: She's not really my type. Roy: What are you gay? Jim: Hmmm, I don't think so. Nope. Kevin: What is your type? Jim: [glances at Pam] Moms, primarily. Yep. Soccer moms. Single moms. NASCAR moms. Any type of moms, really. Roy: That's disgusting. Kevin: Stay away from my mom. Jim: Too late, Kev. Roy: [Katy walks through breakroom] Man, I would be all over that if I wasn't dating Pam. Pam: We're not dating, we're engaged. Roy: Engaged, yeah. Jim: Pam and I are good buddies. I'm sort of Pam's go-to guy for her problems. You know with stuff like work, or uh, her fiance Roy. Or uh... Nope, those are pretty much her only two problems. Jim: She'd be perfect for you. Dwight: Hmmm... she's been talking to Michael a lot. Jim: So, what? You're Assistant Regional Manager. Dwight: Assistant to the Regional Manager. Jim: Well, you know what Dwight? He's your work boss, okay? He is not your relationship boss. Dwight: That's true. Jim: Plus you have so much more to talk to this girl about, You're both um, salesmen. I mean that's something right there. Dwight: True. Plus I can talk to her about the origins of my last name. Jim: It's all gold. Katy: Guys are usually my best customers, they buy the high end stuff like the beads and the sequins and stuff. For gifts, you know? They don't know what they are looking at. So I make suggestions. Jim: Alright. Here's the thing okay, you just keep talking to her. If you ht a stall you have a perfect fall back. Dwight: What's that? Jim: You buy a purse. Dwight: I don't want a purse. Purses are for girls. Jim: Dwight, that's not necessarily true. Do you read GQ? Dwight: No. Jim: Okay, I do. There like mini briefcases, alright? Lots of guys have them. Dwight: Like those? Jim: Yes. Listen, you are spending way too much time talking to me, when you could be talking to her. Dwight: Okay, I'm just going to use the bathroom, and then I'm going... Jim: No. You don't need the bathroom. You've got it. Go. Jim: Okay, shhhh stop... stop whatever you're doing because this is going to be good. Pam: [smiles] Jim: [mimicing Dwight in high-falsetto voice] Hi my name's Dwight Schrute and I would like to buy a purse from you. Good lord, look at these purses! This is something special. Oh my God is this Salvatore Di-chini-asta? Pam: [mimicing Katy] Oh definitely, definitely step in and out of it like that. Jim: Yes, well I want to stress test it. You know, in case anything happens. Pam: Oh! Jim: Oh! That was really. [Dwight hits purse against table] This is necessary to do to really give it a good workout. This is the ooooh... This is the prettiest one of all. Pam: Oh... Jim: I'm going to be the prettiest girl in the ball. Oh, how much? Pam: Oh, God. It's sad. It's so sad. Jim: [whispering] Here he comes, shhh... Jim: [gives Dwight a thumbs-up - mouths the word] Good. Pam: [smiles in agreement] Jim: He did pick a good one. Pam: You're horrible. Katy: This one's really good for a hot date. Pam: Yeah, what's that? Katy: [laughs] Pam: I'm engaged. So... Katy: Congratulations. You need a hot date more than anyone. Pam: I wished, right? Michael: Giggle-giggle, juji-juji, I get it, I get it. Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood over here right? [to Katy] So how's that uh, coffee from earlier? Katy: Good. Michael: Ah, I knew it. Guzzled it down. You greedy little thing. So, uh, Pam is this your lunch break, or was that earlier when you were eating in the kitchen with those guys? [Pam sheepishly hands Katy the purse and leaves] Katy: [whispers] Sorry. Michael: Busted. Katy: [to Pam] Come back... Michael: Oh hey, I want to show you something. Come here I want to show you something. I know you are going to like this. Picked it up today. A thousand big ones. Katy: Is that from Starbucks? Michael: Yes. This is a Starbucks digital barista. This is the mack daddy of espresso makers. Katy: Wow. Is that for the office? Michael: Oh, I know what you're thinking. You're not prying this out of my hands, but don't tempt me because I'll give it to you! Katy: I wouldn't think of it. Michael: Coffee is the great incentivizer in the office. It's a drug. It is quite literally a drug that speeds people up. It's not the only drug that speeds people up. You hear stories about Dunder Mifflin in the eighties before everybody knew how bad cocaine was. Guh. Man, did they move paper! Michael: [Katy reading text message on her phone] Oh the rotating um, steam wand. [Katy looks annoyed] What? What's the matter? Katy: Oh, nothing. My ride just bailed on me. Michael: Oh, oh! God. I'm sorry. Is there...? Katy: Oh no, it's um... Michael: Where you going? Nearby? Because I can give you a ride. Katy: No... Michael: Seriously. No, really. Katy: No. I really don't want to inconvenience you. Michael: God! No, no, no, no. No inconvenience. I mean I'm out of here at five sharp. Katy: At five? Michael: I can go earlier. 'Cause I'm the boss. You know, whatever. I'm out of here slaves. Katy: Okay. Michael: What? Katy: Okay, I guess that would be, I guess that would be okay. Michael: Okay. Sounds good. Sounds good. Five o'clock sharp. I will give you and your purses a ride home. Katy: Okay. Cool. Michael: Excellent. Katy: Cool. Michael: Great. Cool. Cool. [takes deep breath - looks at camera] Yeah, okay. Michael: I should have never let the Temp touch this thing. I had all these great icons and now I have four folders. So.. Dwight: It's actually better this way. Michael: No it's not. Because I could just click on the icon and then I'm onto--- Dwight: Michael could I ask you something? I wanted to ask your permission to ask out Katy. I know it's against the rules and everything. Because... Michael: No, no, no it's not against the rules. She's not a permanent employee so it's not. Dwight: Thank you, Michael. I appreciate this so much. Michael: But I think you should just know that I am going to be giving her a ride home later. Dwight: What? Michael: She asked me for a ride and so I am going to give her a ride home. Dwight: Is that all it is? Just a ride home? Like a taxicab? Michael: Well, might be a ride home. Might be a ride home and we stop for coffee and dot-dot-dot... Dwight: Please. Please, I am your inferior and I'm asking you this favor. Can you promise me that it will just be a ride home? Michael: No. I cannot promise you that. Dwight: You cannot promise me, or you won't promise me? Michael: Listen, Dwight. Dwight: Do you love her? Michael: [laughs] Dwight, no. I don't know. It's too early to tell. I don't know how I feel. [Dwight sadly looks away] Katy: I think you've made a really good choice, she's really going to like that. Stanley: Hmmm... Michael: Espresso? Katy: Oh, thank you. Michael: You're welcome. Thank you. Hmmm-hmm-hmm. Stanley: Is that from the machine that was in your office? Michael: Ummm-hmmm... Stanley: I thought that was the incentive prize for the top salesperson. Michael: Very easy to clean. [Stanley walks out] Michael: Okay. Like he's going to win anyway, right? [laughs] Michael: Did we get any mail? Pam: Yeah, I gave it to you. Michael: Yes you did. Yes, you did. Just checkin'. Just checkin', double checkin', checkin' on the check. Thoroughness is very important in an office and... Pam: So, can I..? [points to the door] Michael: Yeah, yeah, of course. Uh, Pam, one more thing. Um, how do girls your age feel about futons? Jim: A futon? Pam: [nods] Jim: He's a grown man Pam: That's what he said. Jim: That's sad. Or it's innovative. Well, you know the futon is a bed and couch all rolled into one. [Jim sees Roy and trails off] Roy: What's up? Pam: [not looking at Roy] Hi. Roy: Are you still mad at me? Pam: Roy... Roy: Come on [begins to tickle Pam] Pam: Cut it out. Roy: Come on, you mad at me? Pam: Stop it. [laughing] Roy: Are you still mad at me now? Pam: [giggling] Cut it out. Roy: Are you mad at me now? Pam: Stop. [giggling] Roy: Huh? huh? Come on... Come on, Pammy I was just kidding. Pam: [breathless] Stop, I can't breathe. Roy: I was just kidding. You know I didn't mean it. I can't... Pam: Jim is a great guy. He's like a brother to me. We're like best friends in the office and I really hope he finds someone. Katy: You seem to like to touch things. Did you try the velvet? Angela: I don't like to necessarily touch things. I'm just... I'm shopping. Katy: Oh no, it's fine that you, um. Here, what about the raspberry one? It's really uh, kind of festive. It's got a lot of personality. Angela: Yeah, uh no. Dwight: Hey, how's it going? Good. Can I talk to you for a second? In private? Katy: I don't think so I'm really busy. Dwight: It will just take a second. Katy: I can't. Dwight: Just for a minute. Katy: I really can't. Dwight: Please? I wanted to talk to you in private because I wanted to ask you out on a date. Katy: No. Dwight: Ok was that no to talking to me in private, or was that no to the date? Katy: Both. [Dejected, Dwight walks out slowly] Katy: What colors do you like? Angela: Gray. Dark Gray. Charcoal. Michael: Ryan. Ryan: Yeah. Michael: Would you like to help me with a special project? Ryan: I would love to. Michael: Alright. Michael: [in Michael's car] Okay, just throw out all the empties. Ryan: You don't want to recycle them? Michael: Um, yes. Throw them away in the recycling bin. Ryan: Do you want this? [holding a full bottle of water] Michael: No. Ryan: What about this bottle of power drink? Michael: Uh, what flavor? Ryan: Blue. Michael: Blue's not a flavor. Ryan: It says flavor: Blue Blast. Michael: Oh, Blue Blast. Yes, put that in the trunk, and there should be an unopened Arctic Chill back there. I want that in the passengers cupholder. Thank you. Jim: Hi. Katy: Hi. Jim: I'm Jim, by the way. Katy: I'm Katy. Jim: Hi Katy, nice to meet you. Katy: You sit out there, don't you? Jim: I do. That's what I'm best known for. Sitting out there. Alright, let's talk about purses. Katy: Okay, um... Jim: Katy but you know what, don't try to sell me one. Okay, seriously 'cause I'm just here to learn. Katy: Okay. [laughs] Jim: Okay, so I know about most of these, but you know you can... Katy: Okay. Michael: What, stop! Whoa! That's my Drakkar Noir. Ryan: No, this is Rite Aid Night Swept. Michael: No, it is a perfect smell-alike. I'm not paying for the label. Right here. Give it. Ryan: Well, it's empty. Michael: Not it's not, there's some in the straw. [Michael opens bottle and wipes straw along his neck] There, now you may throw it out. Ryan: Wow. How many filet-o-fishes did you eat? Michael: That's over several months, Ryan. Ryan: [Under his breath] Still. Jim: What's up? Pam: I'm bored. Jim: Thank you for choosing me. Pam: No, I'm kidding. Um, so you got big plans this weekend? Jim: Ah, well I think I'm gonna see Katy. Pam: Really? Jim: Yeah. Pam: What are you guys going to do? Jim: Oh, man I don't know. Uh, dinner, drinks, movie, matching tattoos. Pam: That's great. Jim: And stuff... yeah. Pam: That's cool. Jim: What are you doing? Pam: I, I was gonna say, I think that um, we're gonna help Roy's cousin move. Jim: Okay. Pam: 'Cause Roy's got a truck. Jim: That's cool. Pam: Uh, huh. Yes. Jim: That is cool. Well, I'll see you Monday though, right? Pam: Great. Jim: Okay. Pam: Okay, I'm gonna head back. Jim: Alright. Michael: I think in order to be a ladies man, it's imperative that people don't know you're a ladies man, so I kind of play that close to the chest. I don't know, what can I say? Women are attracted to power. And I think other people have told me that I have a very symmetrical face. [laughs] I don't know. I don't know. Maybe they're right? I don't know. Michael: Sure you don't want me to help you with that? Cause I can grab that no problem. Katy: Goodnight, it was nice nice to meet some of you. Michael: See you later. Goodnight. Goodnight, Jim. Jim: Goodnight, Michael. Michael: Where you going? Jim: I don't know. Grab a drink, I think? Michael: With us? Katy: I uh, I probably should have told you, I don't need a ride now 'cause Jim can take me home after so you're off the hook. Michael: Okay. Great. Off the hook. Excellent. Okay, cool. Jim: I got this. [taking Katy's bag from Michael] Michael: Alright, have fun. Katy: Thanks. Jim: I got it. Michael: Don't drink and drive. Michael: Take it easy. Jim: Have a good night. Michael: You too, have a good night. Katy: You got that? Jim: Oh, yeah. You sold a lot, so it's lighter. Katy: Good. Here. Squeeze it inside. Jim: Alright now, I'm gonna warn you. Don't freak out, okay? Katy: Why? Jim: This is a really nice car. In case you haven't noticed, this is a Corolla. Okay. Katy: It's a... it's a very nice car. Jim: You're not going to freak out? Michael: Do I have a special someone? Uh well, yeah of course. A bunch of 'em. My employees. If I had to choose between a one-night-stand with some stupid cow I pick-up in a bar, and these people? I'd pick them every time. Because with them, it is an everyday stand and I still know their names in the morning.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "01x06 - Hot Girl"}	foreverdreaming
Season 1 - Episode 01 "Pilot" [ 01x01 Deleted Scene 1 ] Dwight: Dwight Schrute. My father's name, also Dwight Schrute. My grandfather's name, Dweide Schrude, Amish. That's my family. I don't know where they came, the Amish, came from originally. Uh, Amland. Michael: [holding up a Dundie and pretending it is talking] Hello. I'm Michael Scott. I'm the best boss in the world. Jim: My name is Jim Halpert and I am a sales rep, which is a very important job. Um, without me dozens literally dozens of small businesses would go paperless. They would have to write on their hands, or bed sheets, or who knows you know. Total chaos, total chaos. I mean or they could get their paper somewhere else. Staples maybe. I don't know. [ 01x01 Deleted Scene 2 ] Michael: Pam! Pam-Pam! Pam has been with us for... forever. Right, Pam? Pam: I guess. Michael: Yeah, at one time or another every guy in the office has sprayed on Pam. Pam: What? Michael: Messages? [ 01x01 Deleted Scene 3 ] Dwight: People respond to the human touch and that's what I give them. I can look at a client and I can say, "Hello, how are you? How's business been going?" And we can go back and forth for sometime and uh, then I'll say, How much, how many reams do you want?" And they'll order it and then I'll take care of all the sales. I'll make sure that they get that paper. And they appreciate that. [ 01x01 Deleted Scene 4 ] Michael: Ah, right here. Three Stooges. High five. [Michael and Ryan high five] Oh, Pam. It's a guy thing, Pam. [camera cuts to Pam then back to Michael] Now, who was the one before Curly? Ryan: Uh, Shemp. Michael: Curly? Very good. Curly Joe DeRita. Ryan: Just Curly. Joe DeRita was different. Michael: Well, comedy's kinda my thing. Watch this, here's Curly Joe. Mmm. Me, me, me, me, me, me. Me, me, me, me, me, me. Oh, I forgot. Here we go. [Yelling in cod German] I'm htler. Right. [Continues with cod German] Me, me, me, me, me, me. Curly Joe htler. [laughs] [ 01x01 Deleted Scene 5 ] Michael: All these people are walking around and they're happy and their lives are just going along, ignorance is bliss. But if they knew what was lurking on the other side of that fence that furry monster. [imitating monster] "I'm gonna get you, downsizing." No. They wouldn't... They'd freak. And I'm not going to play God. They look to me for support. And they look to me for guidance and leadership. And I think if I could lie to them and it serves them, then that's what I'm going to do. [ 01x01 Deleted Scene 6 ] Michael: So this is our sales staff. They are the ones who are making calls and making us lots of money. [comes to a screeching halt and laughs] This is accounting. The numbers dudes. Do not let the job description fool you, they are all completely crazy. Especially that guy, he is a mental patient. [camera zooms in on Kevin] Not literally of course, that wouldn't work. The last place you'd want somebody like that is accounting. [hides behind office plant] "Very interesting, but stupid." Artie Johnson. It's a crazy place. [ 01x01 Deleted Scene 7 ] Angela: My name is Angela and um, I'm in charge of the accounting department. There are three of us, Kevin and Oscar. Oscar: It's my job to keep the books in order. And, um, I... I'm, uh, immediately below my supervisor. Angela: Oscar, how do I describe him. He's like a stapler. Do I need a stapler? Yes. But, I'm still the one that has to push it down. Oscar: There's a lot of anxiety. I don't want to get laid off. This place is like five minutes from my house. Kevin: I don't wanna be laid off. This is a good job for me. 'Cause I need my nights free. I'm in a band. Angela: Not very worried about downsizing right now. Because, uh, I think you've met Kevin and um... Oscar: Can I just say one thing? Um, my friend is Jewish, Art Geller. And a couple of years ago he, um, showed me how you can plant a tree in Israel, so I planted a tree. So... You know 'cause... Yeah we work in paper. Well, you know, I try to give back. Angela: I have a lot of cat figurines on my desk. I think cats, really, are old souls. And, uh, Phyllis thinks so too. [ 01x01 Deleted Scene 8 ] Michael: What you don't know... Well, it can hurt you, but if you don't know it won't hurt you. Then, you can just be happy for a little while at least. [ 01x01 Deleted Scene 9 ] Michael: What's that? Pam: Wired. Michael: Oh, John Belushi. What a crazy guy. Phew, freaked myself out this morning. Pam: Oh, yeah. Michael: Yeah. I thought I found a lump. I checked the, uh... I check the jewels every month. This time... You know, it's a little different. It was fine. It was fine. But freaky, man, you know. Testicular cancer, God. Cancer, whoa testicles. So... What's, um... What you eating? Pam: Smoked turkey. Michael: Oh, place around the corner. Nice. All right. See you later. [ 01x01 Deleted Scene 10 ] Michael: Do I need to speak up? [grabs boom microphone] Hello. [ 01x01 Deleted Scene 11 ] Documentary Crew Member: [boom microphone drops into the camera sh*t] Can you move it out? Can you move it? Is that all right? Can you make that work? Dwight: That's fine. Documentary Crew Member: [new take] No, you don't even need ... That's fine. We'll keep it... Dwight: I'm sorry it makes me nervous. Documentary Crew Member: Understood, but it is what we need to capture what you're saying as clearly as possible. Dwight: I understand. It's in a blind spot because I'm trained in several martial arts and one of them, uh, includes, uh, an awareness that the masters bring, uh, of anything on all sides of you. It could be behind you or whatever. This is directly in a blind spot, so I'm trained to respond negatively to something right above my head. [new take] This now I have an eye on. You see, it's on my periphery and if I needed to block it, attck it, stop it somehow. [does a martial arts move with his hands] I could come right out. I mean, I know you're doing your job, but... Documentary Crew Member[/b]: [talking over Dwight] It's... Dwight: I'm doing my job. [ 01x01 Deleted Scene 12 ] Michael: I think better to be a happy idiot then a, um... Then someone who knows the truth. Season 1 - Episode 02 "Diversity Day" [ 01x02 Deleted Scene 1 ] Mr. Brown: Thanks for filling these out. I promise this will be quick. We only have about an hour. Michael: Yeah. I would like to see us erase 100 years of racism in an hour. Mr. Brown: Does this company have 100 years to erase? Michael: No, the country. Mr. Brown: Oh right, more like 200 years. Michael: Yeah, more like a 1,000. Mr. Brown: Okay, um. Uh, I'll try to make this quick. [ 01x02 Deleted Scene 2 ] Dwight: I am a salesman, okay. And I don't think we should be doing this during prime sales hours. If you can prove to me that diversity is going to help my sales, I'll go elephant running with James Earl Jones. I really will, but not on spec. [ 01x02 Deleted Scene 3 ] Mr. Brown: HERO, at Diversity Today, we believe it is very easy to be a HERO. All you need are honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness. Michael: I just think that HERO? It's cute, but it's... It's empty, you know? It's easy. Dwight, you know what, I came up with some terms of my own. Could you put these on the board? The first one is Inclusion, New Attitudes, Color-blind... Mr. Brown: Oh, nice. Michael: Expectations.... Mr. Brown: Good. Michael: Thank you. Sharing... Mr. Brown: Great. Michael: And tolerance. Mr. Brown: Beautiful. Pam: Um, that spells incest. Mr. Brown: Oh, my sorry. That is not appropriate. Michael: Well, it's not ideal but you have to give me some credit 'cause I made it into a word. Mr. Brown: Yeah, but it's not appropriate. This is not helpful as a memory aid. Michael: I will give you a number of reasons why it is, actually. Okay, first, incest is bad. Racism is bad. No brainer, right? Two, incest. We're all a family, right? We're all brothers and sisters. Racial message? Um? Number three, and this is a fact. The states where they have a lot of racism are the states where they have a lot of incest. Okay? And finally... Mr. Brown: Okay, Michael, I just... Michael: No, no, no, no, wait. Final one, final one this is important. The more we can encourage interracial dating as a society the further away we get from incest, literally. Pam: It would've been just as easy for him to spell insect. Of course, that wouldn't have made any sense either. [ 01x02 Deleted Scene 4 ] Mr. Brown: Does anyone have anything else at all? Anyone besides Michael? Ryan: I have something. Mr. Brown: Yes, please. Ryan: Um, well I grew up here in Scranton and when I was a kid the guy who lived next door was a former baseball player, who actually played pro ball before the leagues were integrated. And he had the most incredible stories about... Michael: Okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry this guy's a temp and I should've told you that. Mr. Brown: No, no, no, no. An outsider's perspective would probably be pretty helpful. Michael: Yeah, but no, seriously. Uh, you know, he's not a member of the full staff so, uh, Ryan you wanna just step outside? Ryan: What do you want me to do? Michael: Well, maybe you should go down to the parking lot. You know what. Yes, go down to the parking lot and check to se if any of our guests have parked in the handicapped spots. Cool? 'Cause the handicaps get a raw deal. Oh, you know what. That ties right into New Attitudes. New attitudes about handicap people. Very important. Mr. Brown: I'm sorry, Michael. We're actually out of time. Pam: Yeah, um, there's good things about Michael. He uh, uh... Yeah, definitely. Um... [ 01x02 Deleted Scene 5 ] Michael: "In this way, I can truly be a hero. Signed, Daffy Duck." [laughing] He's going to lose it when he reads that. Doh! Hogan! Not again, Hogan! Get Col. Burkhalter on the phone! [laughing] I'm kind of a Hogan around here. And kind of, Jan is kind of Col. Burkhalter, then Dwight is Schultz. But, it's... Oh, God. We have fun. We have fun. 'Cause he's gonna be pissed. [making voice] No doubt about it. [ 01x02 Deleted Scene 6 ] Dwight: What you doing? Jim: Freecell. Dwight: Solitaire is a one-player game. It can't have two players. Jim: Well, I mean. Dwight: What's your win rate? Pam: Seventy-six percent. What's yours? Dwight: You're not allowed to play two-player. You need to start over. Pam: You're doing fine. [ 01x02 Deleted Scene 7 ] Michael: Are we going? [Dwight puts four fingers in front of the camera to start a countdown] Don't do that. Just say action when we're ready. Dwight: Dunder Mifflin, Michael Scott, Diversity Tomorrow, take four. And action. Michael: [mumbling] Should I... turn, no. Do it again. Dwight: Diversity Tomorrow, take five. Action. Michael: Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania but I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over. Abraham Lincoln once said that, "If you're a rcist, I will attck you with the North." And those are the principles... Damn it. Okay, sorry. Don't laugh; please don't laugh this time Dwight. You're... it's, it's bugging me. Let me give myself a countdown, ready? Three, two, one. Dwight: Take six. Michael: Just let me do it! God! Three, two, one. Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton... Keep the camera steady please! People are gonna get sea sick watching this. Ready? Three, two, one. Dwight: Action. Michael: Don't. Please don't say anything. [sighs] Oh, God. Dwight: And action... Lights, camera, action. Whenever you're ready. Michael: Could I count myself down please, Dwight. Three, two, one. Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania but I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over. Abraham Lincoln once said that, "If you're a rcist, I will attck you with the North." And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace. Dwight: Cut. [ 01x02 Deleted Scene 8 ] Michael: [wandering around the room during his diversity exercise] I want you to push it. I want you to push 'cause breakthroughs are right around the corner. Something's going to pop here. Something's going to pop between a party. Feel what it's like to be in someone else's skin. What does it feel like to be a different race? It feels pretty bad doesn't it. So let that come out. [ 01x02 Deleted Scene 9 ] Michael: Yeah, I marched on Washington back in the day. I went to the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial, U.S. Mint, congressman talked to our class. It was pretty cool. Michael: Talk like you're talking to that race. I have a feeling that this could get kind of volatile. So keep it going. [camera shows Devon sitting outside with West Nile] [ 01x02 Deleted Scene 10 ] Jim: Um, what's going on here? Pam: People treat us like the race on our forehead. And then we guess what race we are. Jim: Ah, good. Good luck. Doing good. [goes to the index cards and writes another race down] Dwight: Oh, man, am I a woman? Jim: Yes, yes. Dwight: God! Jim: How embarrassing is it? That's not fair. Here... Dwight: It's not fair. Jim: Try this. [takes Dwight's 'Asian' race and switches it with the one he wrote] Dwight: Thank you. Thank you very much. Jim: Go get 'em. Dwight: Good. [clears throat] So, am I a hunter gather culture? Pam: No. Dwight: Do I live near a harbor or an ocean? Pam: No. Dwight: No, I'm an inland. Am I a mountainous? Pam: No. Dwight: Am I nomadic? Pam: No. Dwight: Okay, okay, okay, okay. I think I got this. Um, I am treated in a foreign way with a great deal of prejudice. Am I one of those tribes in Africa? The piggies, or whatever? Pam: No. Dwight: No. But I am, I am human, right? [Pam hesitates] Dwight: [Dwight's new race is 'Dwight'] I could be French. Dwight: [takes his 'Dwight' race off his forehead] Damn it, Jim! That's not funny, Jim! Michael: Oh, okay. Here we go, breakthrough radar. What happened? What happened here? Pam: It didn't have anything to do with race. Michael: Okay, all right. Let's keep on track. Keep on point. Let's do it. [ 01x02 Deleted Scene 11 ] Pam: One time we had an ethnic festival in Scranton. One time. Michael: Try my googi, googi. [Lowering voice] Try my googi, googi. [High-pitched voice] Try my googi, googi. Try my... [Kelly slaps Michael] All right! All right! Yes! That was great, she gets it! Kelly thank you. [claps] She's not here, but she gets it. That's what we have been looking for. The whole time. [trying not to cry] Oh, man. This is what I thrive on. You know? It's like Don Rickles on acid, man. Right? Jim: Um, why did she slap Martin Luther King? Michael: What, huh? Pam: What card was she? Jim: I think she wasn't wearing a card. Michael: It's good. This is good. We got it happening now. All right? Let's keep it rolling. Let's round it up. Season 1 - Episode 03 "Health Care" [ 01x03 Deleted Scene 1 ] Dwight: [heated discussion in the 'Dwight Schrute Workspace', door opens] I did not dismiss you. Oscar: Well, you have no right to ask those questions. Dwight: You came into my office voluntarily. Oscar: Because I don't want my benefits slashed. Dwight: Well, maybe they won't get slashed if you answer all my questions. Oscar: I'm reporting you. [ 01x03 Deleted Scene 2 ] Dwight: You know when ever a worker is promoted above their peers there's always going to be a little bit of jealousy. Uh, it's natural. And that's going to lead to goofing off and that's okay that's fine. As long as they are willing to suffer the consequences. [ 01x03 Deleted Scene 3 ] Oscar: Michael I need to talk to you. Michael: Sorry, too busy can't even come to the door. Oscar: [opens door] Michael. Michael: Yeah, no... [hurries to get up from chair] Oscar: Michael, Michael I... [blinds rustle] ... inside. Michael: You know what. I, um, I'm out the door. I'm going to a meeting. Pam, I'm headed out to another meeting. So see you later. Uh, here we go. [ 01x03 Deleted Scene 4 ] Pam: We stole Dwight's trashcan and she found some of his early attempts at his sign. Jim: Okay, here's uh, this is very simple. "Dwight's Workspace," nice. Pam: Mmm hmm. Jim: Um, this one interesting the power comes from the font in this one. "Schrute Space," very medieval, very England. Um, this one's forceful, this one's very Dwight. "Quiet! Dwight Schrute Working," it's good. Pam: Mmm hmm. Jim: I really heard him on that. This one's interesting I'm not really sure what he meant by this. Um, "Dwight Schrute Privates." Tough to say. Pam: Yeah. [ 01x03 Deleted Scene 5 ] Jim: Okay, you know what, Dwight. What if you got a really serious disease like Ebola. Dwight: Psssh, no. Jim: Well, it could happen. Have you ever seen the movie Outbreak? Dwight: Yeah. Well, have you ever seen the movie Unbreakable? 'Cause that guy couldn't get sick, just like me. Jim: Okay. Have you ever seen the movie Sixth Sense? Maybe you are already dad. Dwight: Unlikely. [ 01x03 Deleted Scene 6 ] Pam: You promise these are confidential? Dwight: 100%. Pam: Did you just mark on that? Dwight: I don't think so, no. Pam: You made a "P." Dwight: Wrong. [walks away] Thank you Jim. Kevin. Stanley. [whispering] Pam, Jim, Kevin, Stanley. Pam, Jim, Kevin, Stanley. You finished? Oscar: Oh, yeah. Here's the rest of them. Dwight: That was... unauthorized. [ 01x03 Deleted Scene 7 ] Michael: Well, it is time to call in a little favor. A buddy of mine runs this tourist attraction, actually it's big. It's probably one of the most popular in the state. So... Man on Phone: Hello. Michael: [on his cell phone] Hey, hey Craigers, my man! It is Michael Scott here. [silence] Dunder Mifflin, we supply your office paper. Man on Phone: Oh, I think we already did our order this month. Michael: No, no, no, no. No, actually to ask you a little favoroonie my friend. Um, here's the deal. Um, trying to give the troops here a little bit of a boost. And I was thinking that maybe we could bring them down to go on your big ride. Man on Phone: You mean the elevator that takes you down into the mineshaft? It's not really a ride. Michael: Well, it says here that it's a 300ft drop. Man on Phone: Well, it goes 300 feet into the earth, but it moves really slowly. Michael: So it's not a free fall? Man on Phone: It's an industrial coal elevator. Michael: Uh, okay. So um, once you get down into the mine, what do you do? Is it like, uh... Do you have laser tag down there or something? Man on Phone: No, you just look around. It's a historically preserved coal mine. Michael: That's it? Man on Phone: Well, there's the adjacent Anthracite Heritage Museum. They got some really interesting old mining tools. There's also a photo mural exhibit. Uh, bat guano sculpture. [Michael hangs up cell phone] Michael: Uh, he's a small client. They don't really buy much. [ 01x03 Deleted Scene 8 ] Dwight: Why do you want health care, Pam? Hmm? Why do you want it? Pam: In case I get sick. Dwight: Why don't you just go ahead and use Roy's health care plan, huh? Pam: Because we're not married. Dwight: But you're engaged. Aren't you and maybe you've set a date for the wedding, hmm? And because you know you're going to get married you don't have to take our health care plan seriously. Pam: We haven't set a date. [Dwight laughs] Dwight: You really expect me to believe you haven't set a date? I think you have. Sure Pam, sure. But you know what, you've been engaged for three years and I know you've set a date. And you know what else, I know you've got coverage under Roy and I know that you wrote down those fake diseases. Admit it. Admit it, Pam. Pam: Shut up, Dwight. Dwight: You wrote down... I didn't give you permission to.. I didn't... Pam: I'm not talking to you anymore. Jim: Dwight, I uh, I have something to confess. Dwight: You're doing the right thing. Go ahead. What 's your confession? Jim: Um... Dwight: Let it out. Jim: You're a jackass. Dwight: Okay. You wanna do this the hard way. We'll do this the hard way. You wrote down those fake diseases didn't you? Jim: No. Was that the hard way? Dwight: I know you did. Jim: Well, then why are you wasting everybody else's time interrogating them? Dwight: Well, because I want to know who wrote those diseases down. Jim: Right. Dwight: You want you to take this pen and this piece of paper and write this down. Write this down. Jim: Okay. Dwight: I, Jim Halpert... Jim: Wait, slow down. Dwight: ...confess to health care fraud. Jim: One second 'cause that sounds really good. Is jackass one word or two? [Dwight sighs] One, right? 'Cause, 'cause of the show, it's one. Dwight: One word. [ 01x03 Deleted Scene 9 ] Michael: I've really learned from the greats. The great improvisers, Drew Carey, Ryan Stiles, uh, the Brady guy not so much. He's more the signing, Wayne Brady. Um, Robin Williams. Oh, man, would I love to go head-to-head with him. Oh! That would be exciting. [as Robin Williams] "Hi. I'm Mork from Ork." Well, I'm Bork from Spork. Nanoo, nanoo. Jibelee, baloobaloo. [as Robin Williams] "That's Good morning, Vietnam!" Well, hello to you. You know it would be... God. And you know what, sometimes when I'm watching somebody like um, like Jay Leno. He'll be half way through his step [snaps his fingers] And I will already be laughing at the punch line. He hasn't even gotten to it. He doesn't even know what it is it. So it's fun, you know it's fun having a mind that works like that. That is just a few steps ahead of... comedically ahead of like what's going on. Like I'll watch T.V. and I'll be watching a show and I will think, oh, I know someone's gonna walk in here right now and say something funny. And then they do. Or, um, I know they'll be like oh boy that person deserved to be slammed down. There's going to be some sort of insult. And there is. You know, there's like, "Oh you're... God your butt is fat." And I knew it. I know it's like I knew they were going to say that. I knew they were gonna go there. Don't go there. Um, but other... You know it's like uh, you know Leno, um and Letterman, Carson, you know. Need I say more? No. [ 01x03 Deleted Scene 10 ] Dwight: Oh, um... Jan wants you to call her. Michael: We're all going bowling! Season 1 - Episode 04 "The Alliance" [ 01x04 Deleted Scene 1 ] Dwight: Good, excellent, and file sharing off and done. Security software, 128-bit encryption, firewalls. Get up, I'll install it on your computer. Jim: No thanks. Dwight: Pssh, stupid. Identity theft happens all the time. I can become you like that. [snaps fingers] But no one can become me. Jim: No one wants to be you, Dwight. Dwight: Not true. And if they did, they couldn't because I'm password protected. Jim: Is your password Frodo? Dwight: No. [typing on keyboard] Jim: Did you just change it to Gollum? Dwight: No. [typing on keyboard] [ 01x04 Deleted Scene 2 ] Pam: [telephone rings] Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Hold please. Michael: All righty then, well I see you're going for the whole bored supermodel thing. "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. May I help you?" [takes a drag from an imaginary cigarette] Smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke. Pam: I wasn't really going for anything. Michael: No, no. I get it, I get it, I get it. A child is born, "Oh, oh-hum." A beautiful sunset, "No, I'll catch the next one." Right? Unicorn walks into the office, "Oh, do you have an appointment?" [laughs] Okay, look Pam this is not meant as a criticism, but let me tell you what you're doing wrong. You are the voice of this company, right? And when clients call and you're not smiling they can hear that in your voice. It is a real turnoff. Pam: Are you being serious? Michael: Yes, I am, absolutely. So, the next call we get I'd like you to smile. I'd like to see a big smile. Pam: Okay. Michael: Okay. [waits for call] Pam: No one's calling. Michael: I know, somebody will. And we'll wait. Pam: Sometimes there's a lot of time between the calls. Michael: I know, I know, we will wait. Pam: Okay. Michael: We will wait for the call and you will smile. Let me try something, just while we're waiting. Pam: Okay. Michael: Tell me if I'm smiling or not. [covers face with hands] Hi Pam, how are you? Was I smiling? Pam: Yes. Michael: Okay, let me try this one. [covers face with hands] Hi Pam, how are you? Pam: No. Michael: I mean you can tell. Pam: Yeah, I could tell. Michael: I wasn't smiling that time and they can tell too. Pam: That was a good example. Michael: Thank you. All right, when we get a call I'll come back and you'll do the smile. Pam: Okay. [telephone rings] Michael: Show time! It's show time! Pam: [smiling] Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. One moment I'll transfer you. Michael: Okay. [ 01x04 Deleted Scene 3 ] Dwight: [throwing away a banana, mayonnaise, and a sandwich from the refrigerator, smells the mayonnaise] God. [drinks from the milk carton and puts it back] Mmm. Jim: [looks in the refrigerator] Hey Dwight, my tuna sandwich isn't in the refrigerator. You wouldn't know anything about that would you? Dwight: It was rotting. Jim: It was not rotting. Dwight: Any employee may dispose a food item... Jim: Stop. Dwight, stop. Dwight: ...that risks contaminating the other food item. Read the official kitchen regulations memo. Jim: Dwight, you wrote that memo. Okay, it's not an official memo. Dwight: Uh, uh, not my problem. Okay, this is a paper factory not a bacteria factory. Jim: Dwight, it's not a factory at all. Do you have to do what you are doing? [Dwight is tapping each of the bobble heads on his desk and making them bobble] Dwight: Uh, if they don't bobble, what's the point? [ 01x04 Deleted Scene 4 ] Angela: What is this? Oscar: My nephew does it every year. Anything you could give would be fantastic. Angela: Okay, but I don't want to be put on a mailing list. [ 01x04 Deleted Scene 5 ] Jim: We need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance and is therefore trying to get us kicked off. Dwight: God... Damn it! Why us? Jim: Because we're strong, Dwight. Because we're strong. God, it's freezing, I gotta go in. You stay though for like five minutes. Dwight: [talking over Jim] Okay. Jim: You don't want to arouse suspicion. Dwight: I'll stay for ten. Jim: Good. I like it. You know what. Pretend to smoke. [Dwight pretends to smoke] [ 01x04 Deleted Scene 6 ] Michael: Do a poem for Meredith's birthday or uh, limerick. Limerick. Um, [knock on door] there was a girl from Dunder Mifflin. Come on in. Who had a big, smifflin. Toby: Hi, do you mind if I sign the card real quick? Michael: No, not at all come on in. [Toby signing the birthday card] No, no. You can't. No, red hair is my area. We have it on tape, so... Toby: It's just a birthday card. Michael: I was going to put that in my message, Toby. All right? So just cross it off. Cross it off, now. [Toby writes on birthday card] What are you doing? Oh come on, you're ruining it. Toby, come on. Just, look at that. That's wrecked. Ass. Get some white out. Toby: There's some right there. Michael: That's my white out. Get your own white out. Just... what's the matter with you? God. [Toby leaves] Okay, um, there was a girl from Dunder Mifflin. Who had a big, puttifflin. [thinking out loud] Mifflin, spifflin. [ 01x04 Deleted Scene 7 ] Jim: Uh, by the way. Have you heard Dwight say the word immunity, yet? Because if I can get Dwight to say the word immunity, it might be the greatest day of my life. Dwight: Hey. Michael: Hey. Dwight: You wanted to see me? Michael: Uh, yeah. What do you know about Meredith? Dwight: I don't think she'd be missed. Michael: There's not going to be downsizing Dwight, OK? I just, I need to know a little bit more about my friend. Dwight: Name, Meredith Palmer. Uh, personal information, divorced twice, two kids. Uh, Employer, Dunder Mifflin Paper Incorporated. Awards, multiple Dundies. Michael: I know all that. I know all that. I just, I need something kind of embarrassing, you know. Kind of fun, inside. Dwight: She had a hysterectomy. Michael: Which one is that again? Dwight: That's where they remove the uterus. Michael: Oh God! Dwight, no. I'm trying to write something funny here, okay. What am I going to do with a removed uterus? Dwight: It could be kind of funny. Michael: [sighs] Come up with a joke that I can use, okay? Dwight: Mmm-hmm. Michael: Help me out here. Dwight: Okay. Hey Meredith, where's your uterus? Michael: No, not a uterus joke Dwight. Please. Something useable. A joke. Dwight: If I find a joke for you, will you grant me immunity? [cut to Jim holding his hands up like a champion] Michael: What? Dwight: From the downsizing. Michael: There's not going to be downsizing, Dwight. You know what, I am on a deadline here and just, okay. Thanks. Thanks for your help. I'm... I'll work it out. Thank you Dwight. [Dwight leaves] Thanks for coming in, that's always... Always helpful when I give him a call. Call him in. [ 01x04 Deleted Scene 8 ] Michael: Meredith. Oh, oh man, ah gosh. I can't remember why I came over here. Ha, ha. Meredith: I hate that. Michael: I know. Ugh, that is so annoying. [makes fart noise] Brain fart. By the way, do you remember any funny interactions we may have had recently that I've forgotten about? Just, you know we bumped into each and you said, "Brr, brr." And I went, "Argh, Argh." You know? Anything? [shakes her head 'no'] Well, if you think of something, let me know. 'Cause I like to know. 'Cause I'm going crazy. [ 01x04 Deleted Scene 9 ] Michael: Oscar, uh for future reference just think you should know, that you should probably make it clear that your nephew is doing the walkathon and that he doesn't actually have cerebral palsy. Okay. Oscar: I never suggested... Michael: No, no. I know you didn't intend to, but I just I got the idea and I, uh, I just don't it has a lot of ethical merit to make people think something. You know? And then prey on their emotions. Oscar: Michael, if I gave you... Michael: No, hey it's just kinda uncool, okay? I, just... Play fair, you know, play fair. Oscar: Thank you. Michael: Thank you. Oscar: Okay. [ 01x04 Deleted Scene 10 ] Meredith: "Meredith, let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age." Michael: Because of the downsizing. Rumors. And because you're gettin' old. Meredith: No, I...I get it. It's funny. Michael: [laughs] You didn't get the joke. So, that's cool. That's, you know what? Actually... I have a bunch of these, good ones, that I didn't use. Um... Oh, where's that? Oh, Okay, here's a good one. Um..."Hey Meredith, Liz Taylor called, she wants her age back and her divorces back." 'Cause Meredith's been divorced like, twice. Is that right? Meredith: You're right. You're right. Yes. Michael: Divorce. Um... Okay, "Meredith is so old..." Oscar: How old is she? Michael: If everybody... could do it? "Meredith is so old..." Everybody: How old is she? Michael: "She's so old, she went into an antique store and they kept her." Michael: [clears throat] What's the difference between Meredith and Michael Jackson? Michael Jackson's surgery was unnecessary. Meredith: You're talking about my hysterectomy. Michael: Yes! Thank you. God. She gets it. [laughs] We just picked the best one right? Just had it. Pam: [whispering] I'm so sorry. [Angela, Phyllis, and Pam all whispering] ... seriously, we're just... Michael: Um, no, no. Come on. No. Don't comfort... don't comfort her, that's not... She doesn't need comforting. We're just joking around. I think she's... No that's very unprofessional. I think she's being very unprofessional over there. [ 01x04 Deleted Scene 11 ] Dwight: I'm only going to ask you this once. Are you part of an alliance? Ryan: What? Dwight: Well played. Season 1 - Episode 05 "Basketball" [ 01x05 Deleted Scene 1 ] Michael: [slams palms on desk] Pam, Pam, thank you ma'am. Messages, please. Thank you. Pam: New pants? Michael: Uh, yes. Thank you for noticing. Pam: Abercrombie & Fitch? Michael: Uh, they look that good? Wow. [Mike Myers voice] Oh, Pam please behave. Mike Myers, genius. Um, no actually I got them at a fancier place. Target. Dwight: Michael, could I talk to you for a second, please? Michael: Uh... Dwight: In your office? [in Michael's office] You know that is why you have an assistant regional manager. Michael: Yes, yes. Assistant to the regional manager. Dwight: [to camera] Same thing. Michael: No, it's not. It's lower. Dwight: It's close. Michael: What was that? Dwight: What? Michael: That look? Dwight: What look? Michael: Like trying to find the camera, to give the camera a look. Okay, we're done. Is that your stomach? I keep hearing somebody's stomach. [whispers] God. [ 01x05 Deleted Scene 2 ] Michael: So, you uh, see the Sixers game last night? Darryl: Yeah. Michael: [howls like a wolf] Oww whoo whoo! The Answer was on fre! Darryl: Iverson. Yeah, always man. It's very important. Michael: Oh, man! Man I tell ya. Iverson has maybe got me bat by like 20 pounds, 3 inches. [makes 'pop' noise with his mouth] Roy: What? Iverson's not fat. Michael: No, neither am I. We both look good. Michael: Do I have a nickname on the court, um? Well, The Answer would be nice, but it's taken. So, uh, probably The Question. The Answer dishes to The Question. The Question back to The Answer. Answer over to The Question. The Answer, whew, [makes shting motion] three points. The Question, whew, whew, [makes shting motion] six points. Nothing but net. Question, who's the best player in the league? Answer, The Question. Or the Drunkmeister. [ 01x05 Deleted Scene 3 ] Kevin: I can't work Saturday. Dwight: Please, have a seat. [Kevin sits down] Okay, why not? Kevin: I'm in a band. Dwight: Marching or garage? Kevin: It's a Steve Miller Tribute Band. Dwight: I tell you what. You give me a tape of your band and a tape of the Steve Miller Band and I'll get back to you. That is all. [ 01x05 Deleted Scene 4 ] Todd Packer: [on the phone] Mello. Michael: Packer. Pac-man. Packer: Whoa. Hey. Michael: Pac-man [imitating the noises of the video game Pac-man eating dots] Todd Packer: [on the phone] Is this Michael Scott? My secret lover. My intercom, I told you never to call me here. Never! [Michael's laughing] Michael: I'm not your lover! I'm am not Michael Scott, I am Dr. Bergerstein. Your proctologist. Todd Packer: [on the phone] Bergerstein! Michael: Ah, yes. Ah. [laughs] Todd Packer: [on the phone] Bergerstein! Michael: It's not a Jewish joke, so don't worry. Todd Packer: [on the phone] I want my money back you greedy Hebrew. Bergerstein! Michael: [clears throat] No, hey, hey , hey. You know what I just wanted to remind you about the game today. One 'o clock. Big game, big game. Todd Packer: [sounds sick on the phone] I can't make it. Michael: Mmm. No, you said you could man. We're counting on ya. You know you're playing point guard. Todd Packer: [on the phone] I... I'm not coming. Michael: No. Hey... I mean, although it's just for fun, you know we want... I was counting on you man. Todd Packer: [on the phone] Oh, God! Stop whining. You know, you only come to the pick up game once a year. You little bitch. [Michael picks up phone, takes it off speakerphone] All right, yup. Hey, okay. No problem, you know, best you can do. Hey, you know. Hey, nice talking to you too. All right take care. [sighs] Michael Scoot. That's funny. He's a good friend. [ 01x05 Deleted Scene 5 ] Dwight: [eating Tootsie Rolls from Angela's candy on her desk] Mmm. Good. Mmm. Angela: They're one per person. [points to sign "Please take one!!] Dwight: Would you like to have a vacation this year? That's what I thought. [continues eating Tootsie Rolls] Mmm, delicious. [ 01x05 Deleted Scene 6 ] Pam: Well, I though we were saving money for the wedding, but apparently Roy thought it was more important to buy two WaveRunners. I don't really ever get to use the other WaveRunner that's supposed to be mine because his brother uses it and they race. [ 01x05 Deleted Scene 7 ] Dwight: Jim, you're the new schedule guy, huh? Jim: I'm trying, yup. Dwight: Yeah, I hear that. You know what? This little baby might come in handy. Jim: Great, thanks. Dwight: On one condition. You... Jim: Forget it. It's just a dry erase board. Dwight: Oh, no it's not. Okay, check it out. Jim: Okay, that's insanely complicated and the first thing I'm going to do is erase it. Dwight: No, you're not because I spent hours on it. Jim: Well, then keep it. Dwight: Okay, I will. Okay, fine. You'll be back. [ 01x05 Deleted Scene 8 ] Michael: [misses a free throw badly] I... I think you can play. Like you could when you were a kid. I think you can never give up the play. Because if people stop playing, then they stop living. It's like a shark. If a shark stops playing he stops living. And sharks are very playful creatures. [ 01x05 Deleted Scene 9 ] Angela: [Dwight holds the first aid kit up] I'm the safety officer, not you. Dwight: Isn't that crazy? I'm a Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy. Lackawanna County says that it's okay for me to perform CPR, but for Michael my lips aren't qualified enough for his perfect little face. It's nuts. Angela: Is that really necessary? Dwight: [wearing a face guard] I've almost had my nose broken a dozen times. [ 01x05 Deleted Scene 10 ] Michael: You know what. I think most basketball movies are great movies. Because it's a great subject. There's one about a little kid who, um, joins a professional basketball team and he's really, really good and he can dunk and he's like 3 feet tall. And he can dunk the ball. That, oh, I love that movie. That movie kind of, that movie makes me cry. I don't like to cry on camera, but that movie makes me cry. Um, because it touches a cord in me about hoops. [Michael's free throw is really short] Short, short, short! And basketball is like jazz, you know. To like pertipify it there's a jazz musician, a guy, you know... if you know jazz you know who I mean. He's uh, God what was his name? Um, he plays one of those curly horns, like those really shiny curly horns that's used in jazz a lot. Warehouse Worker: [back to the basketball game] Let's go Lonny. Jim: [Michael steals the ball] Yeah, Michael. Go Michael. [makes sht] Dwight: Yes! Michael: Birdie. He's not the guy with the cheeks. Kenny G. Is... if you knew jazz, you'd know who I mean. Kenny G. God. Glad I remembered that. Jazz people know who he is. [ 01x05 Deleted Scene 11 ] Michael: [back to the basketball game] Dwight, pass it to Jim! Pass it to Ryan! Stanley: Oh, my ankle! Michael: Stanley, gotta play hurt. Stanley: Oh, actually no I don't Michael. Michael: I just want you know, you've been a big disappointment to me today, okay. Stanley: [in pain] Oh. Go away. Michael: I'm in. I'm in. Here we go. [Lonny gets around Michael to score and he ends up in front of Phyllis] Zone, Phyllis! We're playing zone! [ 01x05 Deleted Scene 12 ] [Kevin makes seven straight shts from the free throw line] [ 01x05 Deleted Scene 13 ] Everybody: [Michael hits a half court sht] Ah! [clapping] Michael: Yes! Yes! All right. We got game! Season 1 - Episode 06 "Hot Girl" [ 01x06 Deleted Scene 1 ] Dwight: The perfect girl for me would be Konikotaka. She has the most amazing story. She was orphaned at age 10 when both her parents were assassinated, and she was taken in by a wealthy, but very cruel, businessman. So she practiced aikido in secret for years until she could avenge the death of her parents. She's also a survivor of monster rpe. [ 01x06 Deleted Scene 2 ] Dwight: This is really well made. Good stitching. Excellent fabric. [shakes the purse from side to side by it's handle] You sell a lot of these? Katy: It's very popular, yeah. Dwight: I knew it. Is it waterproof? Katy: I'm not sure. It's faux snakeskin. Dwight: Snakes are waterproof. So, I'm betting that it's waterproof. Do you know the difference between a snake and an eel? Katy: No. Dwight: 'Cause I could look it up real easily. Katy: You're really into reptiles, huh? Dwight: My belt's made out of alligator. Check it out. [lifts shirt] Katy: Oh, um, it's okay. Michael: Dwight. Dwight. Dwight! Okay, that's it. Keep it in your pants. Dwight: I was just showing her my belt. Michael: Well, don't do that. Where are your glasses? Dwight: I.... Michael: He wears glasses. Did you know that? Dwight: Not all the time. Michael: Well, now suddenly he can see. [laughs] Okay, take off. See ya. Bye-bye. [gives coffee to Katy] There you go steaming hot cup of joe. Katy: Thank you. Michael: Oh, I know your hero. Yeah, saving you from Animal Planet Jack over there. [laughs] Katy: Ha. Yeah, asks a lot of questions. Michael: Yeah, yeah he is the worst. [ 01x06 Deleted Scene 3 ] Michael: What's the um, saying, "once their laughing they're... that's... Once they're laughing that's 50 percent of them being horizontal. So, not that I'm just... Not that that's my... that's what I'm trying to do, but I think it helps kind of melts the ice. Breaks the ice, melts... Breaks the ice and melts them. Melts their hearts. [ 01x06 Deleted Scene 4 ] Michael: Thank you, Al Gore... for the Internet. Can send messages from one side the global to the other in the blink of an eye. Can you believe we couldn't do that ten years ago? Katy: We could do that ten years ago. Michael: Right, but 20 years ago we couldn't and that is amazing. Here's Toby from Human Resources. This is Katy. Toby, Katy. Toby: Hi. Katy: Hi. Toby: Hey, did you go to Bishop Ohara? Katy: Yeah. Toby: Yeah, me too. Katy: Cool, what year where you there? Toby: '89. Katy: Oh. Michael: [talking over Toby and Katy] Toby's divorced. God, that's hard. That really ripped you up. She got the kids right? That'll damage ya. Sorry man. That's uh, that's a bad one. How much you paying her? What can, you can't even afford anything now, right? You're all right though, right? Don't ask me for a raise. [laughs] Cup of Soup's a good idea though. That'll... that's a good budgetary thing to do. Toby: It's just a snack. Michael: Well, they're good snacks. They're good food, good meals, good lunch. Roman noodles are good too. You still sleepin' in the car? Toby: No. Michael: 'Cause he slept in the car a couple times. Toby: Just the once. Michael: Are you still taking the antidepressants? 'Cause it was a good idea. 'Cause it'll help. It'll help, man. Katy: I'm gonna go back to my table. Michael: Okay. I'll see you in a bit. [whispering] She's pretty cute isn't she? See you in a bit. [ 01x06 Deleted Scene 5 ] Ryan: I mean whatever one you want. Kelly: Um, I like that one I think. [Ryan hands her a purse] Ryan: Yeah, I mean, it looks real good, probably. [ 01x06 Deleted Scene 6 ] Pam: You know Michael's been talking to her too. Jim: Oh, really? Pam: What do you think his chances are? Jim: Well, Pam I'm not gonna lie to you, he's chances are none. Um, he's 41 years old, he is losing his hair and his cell phone ring is "Mambo #5." So... Pam: [laughs] I like that song. Jim: I don't know though. I mean, you know that was a ht. Pam: [laughs] 10 years ago. Jim: Yeah, was it 10? Yeah, I have it on a mix tape from junior high. [ 01x06 Deleted Scene 7 ] Jim: Went well? Dwight: I think it did. Jim: You know what, just in case she's looking you should put some stuff in it. Dwight: Seriously? Jim: Anything. [Dwight begins to fill his new purse] Good. Yup. Dwight: What else? Jim: Post-it Notes. Wow, that purse holds a lot. Dwight: It's a mini-briefcase. Jim: Yeah, oh, I know. Looks great. [Dwight throws the purse over his right shoulder and gets back to work] [ 01x06 Deleted Scene 8 ] Kevin: Do you like Steve Miller? Katy: No. Kevin: 'Cause I'm in a Steve Miller Tribute... Tribute Band. [ 01x06 Deleted Scene 9 ] Jim: Hey, Dwight. I need your stapler. Dwight: It's in my purse. Jim: Oh, great thanks. [ 01x06 Deleted Scene 10 ] Dwight: Let me describe the perfect date. I take her out to a nice dinner. She looks amazing. Some guy tries to ht on her. Uh, now he wants to fight. So I grab him. I throw him into a jukebox. Then the other ninja's got a Knfe. He comes at me. We grapple. I turn his Kn*fe on him. Blood on the dance floor. She's scared now, I take her home. I'm holding her in my arms. I reach in for a kiss. I hear something in the leaves. I flip her around. She gets a poison arrow right in her back. She was in on it the whole time. But, I knew. [ 01x06 Deleted Scene 11 ] Michael: All right. That's looking good. Hey um, Ryan do you have any music I can borrow. Ryan: What kind do you like? Michael: Ah, I know, everything really. I love it all. I love music. Ryan: Okay, do you like hip-hop? Do you like indie rock? Michael: Yes, I love both of those so much. A lot of 'em. Ryan: Okay. Do you like The Strokes? Michael: Mmm hmm. I like 'em. Ryan: Do you like The Hives? Michael: Yes. God. They're awesome. Ryan: You like the Fleebulls, The Glorps? Michael: Uh huh. Yup. That last thing they did was great. Ryan: Yeah, I had a feeling you would like those. Michael: Cool, so maybe hook me up with some Fleebulls and some Hive. Ryan: Absolutely. Michael: All right. This is gonna be good. [ 01x06 Deleted Scene 12 ] Dwight: Hi, here you can have this. [Dwight gives Kelly his purse] It's a mini-briefcase, but you can use it as a purse. Kelly: Uh, thank you.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "01x99 - Deleted Scenes from Season 1"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: Tonight is the Dundies, the annual employee awards night here at Dunder Mifflin. [holds up a trophy of a business man] And this is everybody's favorite day. Everybody looks forward to it, because, you know, a lot of the people here don't get trophies, very often. Like Meredith or Kevin, I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts? Plus, bonus, it's really, really funny. So I, you know, an employee will go home, and he'll tell his neighbor, "Hey, did you get an award?" And the neighbor will say, "No man. I mean, I slve all day and nobody notices me." Next thing you know, employee smells something terrible coming from neighbor's house. Neighbor's hanged himself due to lack of recognition. So... Jim: So, you ready for the... the Dundies? Pam: Ugh... Pam: You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you. Michael: [in a Fat Albert voice] Hey hey hey! It's Fat Halpert. Jim: What? Michael: [in Fat Albert voice] Fat Halpert. [in normal voice] Jim Halpert. Michael: So why don't I take you on a tour of past Dundie winners. We got Fat Jim Halpert here. Jim, why don't you show of your Dundies to the camera? Jim: Oh, I can't because I keep them hidden. I don't want to look at them and get cocky. Michael: Oh, that's a good idea. Dwight: Mine are at home in a display case above my bed. Michael: Gyaaah. T.M.I. T.M.I my friends. Michael: T.M.I.? Too much information. Ah, it's just easier to say T.M.I. I used to say "Don't go there" but that's... lame. Michael: And here we have Stanley the Manly. Now Stanley is a Dundie all-star, aren't you Stan? Why don't you, ah, show them some of your bling. Stanley: I don't know where they are, I think I threw them out. Michael: Oh, no you di-int. Stanley: I think I did. Michael: W-why did you... Stanley: Say, we got to order some more apa-teezers this time. We ran out last year, remember? Michael: Yes we should. I... you know what? I wanted one of those skillets of cheese, but when I got off stage, [turns to Kevin] someone had eaten all of them. Michael: [in video] To Oscar Martinez it's the "Show Me the Money" award! Yeah! Pam: Michael has taped every Dundies awards and now, he's making me look through hours of footage to find highlights. Oscar: [in video] That's supposed to be confidential. Michael: [in video] He has the award-ah! ...it's a type of song that we are going to play for the ladies. ht it, Dwight! [Dwight starts playing the tune of "Mambo No. 5" by Lou Bega on his recorder] Michael: [singing along to tune on video] A little bit of Paaam, all night long, a little bit of Angela on the thing... [Somebody sits in front of the camera on the video, so even though nothing can be seen, Michael can still be heard] Michael: [in video]...a little bit of Phyllis everywhere... Pam: Oh, yeah, this is the part where Kevin sat in front of the camcorder all night. It's great. Michael: [on video] ...a little bit of Roooy eating chicken crispers... ...a little bit of Jim with some ribs, a little bit of... Kelly: It was you. Phyllis: Live and learn. Pam: [quietly laughing] It wasn't. I swear. Kelly: Yeah, it was. Dwight: So, what's the joke? You're not perfect either. Pam: We're not laughing at you, Dwight. Dwight: So who are we laughing at? Pam: Um, just something somebody wrote. Dwight: Who? Dave Barry? Kelly: [laughing] No. No, just something that was written in the ladies' room wall. Dwight: What is it? Who wrote it? Pam: Um, it's kind of private. Phyllis: [whispering] It's about Michael. Dwight: That is defacement of company property. So you better tell me. Kelly, if you tell me, you'll be punished less. Pam: Okay, now I'm laughing at you. Michael: [talking to the speakerphone] Will her highness, Jan Levinson-Gould, be descending from her corporate throne this evening to visit us lowly serfs here at Dunder Mifflin Scranton? Jan: [on speaker phone] It's a, it's, it's a two and a half hour drive from New York, Michael. Michael: Well, you could take the bus. You could work on the way here. Sleep on the way home. Jan: No. Michael: Wuh... Come on, Jan. This is important. I mean, this is, this is, validation to my employees here that you and corporate approve of this. So... Jan: No, we don't approve of this Michael. I mean, y-you only had the budget for one office party a year, so... we're not paying for this. Michael: Um... [Michael looks at the camera and motions for the camera to leave the office] Michael: [to camera] Could you...? Jan: Are you there Michael? Michael: Yeah, I'm here, I just wanted to, uh, talk to you for a second about that. [Michael closes the blinds] [The camera tries to find a crack in the blinds] Michael: Um, what, ah, what is, I mean... [The camera pans around to reception, Pam is listening] Michael: ...come on, Jan! [The camera goes to a side of Michael's office where the blinds are still partially open] Michael: You're dropping an A-bmb on me here. Jan: Really? I'm dropping an atomic bmb on you? Michael: Well, yeah, I mean, what is... Jan: You already had a party on May 5th for no reason. Michael: No reason?! It was the 05 05 05 party... Jan: And you had a luau.... Michael: ...it happens once every billion years. Jan: And a tsunami relief fundraiser which somehow lost a lot of money. Michael: Okay, no, that was a FUN raiser. I think I made that very clear in the fliers, fun, F-U-N. Jan: Okay, well, I don't understand why anyone would have a tsunami FUN raiser, Michael. I mean, that doesn't even make sense. Michael: Well, I think a lot of people were very affected by the footage. Michael: This is a little character I like to do [places a green turban with a yellow feather on his head], it is, uh, loosely based on Karnack, one of Carson's classic characters. [puts an envelope to his head] Here we go. The PLO, the IRA, and the hot dog stand behind the warehouse. [tears open envelope and pulls out card] "Name three businesses that have a better health care plans than Dunder Mifflin." Here's the problem. There's no open bar because of Jan and it's the reason why comedy clubs have a two drink minimum. It'll be fine, I just...wish people were going to be drunk. [Phyllis catches Dwight trying to sneak into the girls bathroom] Phyllis: Dwight, get out of here!! [The door swings open and Dwight is being pushed out by Phyllis] Dwight: No, no, no, no... Phyllis: What were you doing in the ladies room?! Dwight: ...no, no, no, no, it's not what you think. Phyllis: Why were you peering over the stalls?! Dwight: No, why were you in there?! Phyllis: You are a pervert! Dwight: What were you doing in there? Phyllis: You, are, a pervert! Dwight: I am not. Michael: [in video] The Dundie award for "Longest Engagement" goes to Pam Beesley. Michael: Pam, everybody! [starts clapping] [Pam just sits there stirring her drink, rolls her eyes and glances over at Jim] [Jim, at the adjacent table, crosses his arms and glances over at Pam, both look annoyed] Michael: Whoooo! When is that girl gonna get married? That's what I have to say. Ah, Roy's accepting. Roy: [on video] Yes. Michael: [on video] Thank you Roy. Are there any words you'd like to say, on Pam's behalf? Roy: [on video] Ah, w-we'll see you next year. Michael: [on video] Yeah, oh, hope not! Oh God! Michael: I'm not changing that, it's the best one. Jim: No, it's hilarious, you're right. I just think, um, "world's longest engagement", um, we're all expecting it, you know? Michael: That's why it's funny. Every year that Roy and Pam don't get married, it gets funnier. Jim: Well I think if you use the same jokes it just comes across as lazy. Michael: Oh, [taking it to heart] lazy. Uh huh. Dwight: Excuse me, everyone, could I have your attention please. I just wanted to say that the women in this office are terrible. Especially the ones who wrote that stuff about Michael on the bathroom wall. Having a bathroom is a privilege. It is called a ladies room for a reason. And if you cannot behave like ladies, well then you are not going to have a bathroom. Pam: You're taking away our bathroom? Dwight: We are going to have two men's rooms. Phyllis: But where would we...go? Dwight: Be prepared to hold folks [Michael comes out of his office] From 9 am to... Pam: Michael... Michael: Yes. Pam: ...Dwight is banning us from our bathroom. Michael: Okay, well, that's just ridiculous, so just don't, I-I don't have time for this right now. Dwight: Nnnnno, there needs to be repercussions... Michael: Just don't, don't talk- Dwight: ...for people's behavior. Michael: Don't talk- Dwight: And it's- Michael: Just STAP IT YAP IT!!!! Michael: Okay, look, I know there have been a lot of rumors flying around about the Dundies this year. How there is no money, and how there is no food, and how the jokes are really bad, but WHAT THE HELL EVERYBODY!? I mean, God. The Dundies are about the best, in every, one of us. Can't you see that? I mean, okay, we can do better. so, tonight, for the first time, we are inviting all of your friends and family to attend the awards with us. Dwight: [with a small fist pump] Yes! Michael: Yeah, not bad, right? So let's make this the best Dundies ever. Dwight: [clapping] Best Dundies ever. Dwight: Welcome to the eighth annual Dundies awards. [Quick cut to everybody talking and ignoring Dwight] Dwight: Before we get started, a few announcements. Keep your acceptance speeches short, I have wrap it up music, and I'm not afraid to use it. [points] Devon! Michael: "The Dundies, how can I explain it? Awards you like to hate it. I'm psyched you all made it. You never had to work so hard and feel that no one notices you. You're just a name and number and no one even says hello." [to Ryan] Card! Oscar: The Dundies are kind of like a kid's birthday party, and you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there. But the kid's having a really good time, so you're, kind of there. That's-that's kind of what it's like. Michael: "You down with The Dundies? You down with the Dundie-" [The music stops, Michael looks back at Dwight] Dwight: The waitress tripped on the cord. Michael: Alright, alright, joke landed. So we are here, thank you all for coming to the 2005 Dundie awards. [takes off sweater to reveal tuxedo] I am your host, Michael Scott. And I just want to tell you please, please, do not drink and drive. Because you may ht a bump and spill the drink! Kevin: [to waitress] Oh, just put these on the group tab. Michael: Nope, actually this year, ah, no group tab, we're going to be doing separate checks. Stanley: You said, we could bring our families. Michael: I did. And why didn't ya Stanley? Stanley: I did, my wife's name is Terri. Michael: Well, I'm looking forward to meeting Terri. Stanley: It's this person who's hand I'm holding Michael. [Michael is dumbfounded, Dwight pushes a button on his keyboard that says, "OHHH, YEAHHHH."] Michael: [to Dwight, in a low voice] Shut it. [normal voice] Um, good. Speaking of relationships, of all, all way shapes and forms. Um, I was out on a very, very hot date with a girl from HR, Dwight. Dwight: Really? We don't have any girls from HR. Michael: No, that...for the sake of the story. And things were getting hot and heavy. Dwight: Yeah? Michael: And I was about to take her bra off... Dwight: Yeah! Michael: ...when she made me fill out six hours of paperwork- Dwight: Like an AIDS test? Michael: No! [under his breath] God. Michael: [clears throat] Alright, so let's get this party staaaarrrrted. Darryl: Hey let's go to Poor Richard's. Roy: Yeah, let's get out of here. Pam: Um... Michael: Um, guys, where you going? Pam, show's just getting started. Pam: Sorry. Ryan: You staying? Jim: Yeah, gotta eat somewhere. Michael: And now... to someone who quietly goes about their job, but always seems to land the biggest accounts... Michael: ...the "Busiest Beaver" award goes to Phyllis Lapin. [Everybody starts clapping, Phyllis gets out of her booth and makes her way to Michael, she gives Jim a high five along the way] Michael: Yeah, way to go Phyllis. Nice work, per usual. Phyllis: This says "Bushiest Beaver". Michael: What? I told them busiest...idiots. Phyllis: It's, it's fine. Michael: Well, we'll fix it up. You don't have to display that. [Pam and Roy are at the truck, arguing.] Pam: ...because that's what happens every time! Roy: ...talking about? He's a jackass every year. Pam: No. Roy: [Put's his hand on Pam's arm] Come on, we're going to Poor Richard's. Pam: [Breaks Roy's grip] No, I don't want to go, I don't want to. Roy: Pam. Go. Pam: If you would have asked me that, then you would know. [Michael has false teeth in and glasses with squinted eyes on them] Michael: [in a stereotypical oriental accent] Herro everybodeeee. I'm gonna cwall Jan Revinson-Gould. Jim: Hey! How are ya? I thought you left? Pam: Oh no, I just, I decided to stay. Jim: Oh! Pam: I'll just get a ride home from Angela. Jim: Oh. Pam: Oh good, I'm just in time for Ping. Jim: Yeah. Michael: [doing impression] Oh, dat wir be fwar. Ah, me so horny. [The camera zooms to an Asian customer behind Michael, she is looking at Michael in disbelief] Michael: Right? You know wat I'm talking 'bout. Pam: [to an off camera waiter and still clutching Jim's beer] Can I get a drink? Michael: This next award goes to somebody, who really, lights up the office. [Cut to Pam still drinking the beer] Michael: Somebody, who I think a lot of us, cannot keep, from checking out. The "Hottest in the Office" award goes to... ...Ryan the temp! Michael: Yeah. [singing to music] "Hidy ho, you sexy thang. You sexy thang you." Here you go. Ryan: What am I going to do with the award? Nothing. I-I don't know what I'm going to do. That's the least of my...concerns right now. Michael: And the "Tight Ass" award goes to Angela. Not only because she is everybody's favorite stickler, but because she has, a great caboose. So...come on down. Angela: No. Jim: [Pam starts sipping an empty glass] I think those might be empty. Pam: No, no. 'Cause the ice melts and then it's like second drink! [laughs] Jim: Second drink? Michael: The "Spicy Curry" award goes to our very own Kelly Kapoor! Get on up here. Here you go. Kelly: "Spicy Curry", what's that mean? Michael: Um, not everything means something, it's just a joke. Kelly: Yeah, but why'd you give it to me? Michael: I don't know, it's just... Kelly: This is a bowler- Michael: I know. It's ju- they didn't have any more businessmen. So... Kelly: Yeah, but everyone else- Michael: Just sit down Kelly. Michael: [sweaty and chugging water from a bottle] It's so freakin' hot in there. Now I know what Bob Hope was going through when he performed in Saudi Arabia. Man! I got Dwight sucking the funny out of the room, but you do what you can do. [Music starts playing in the background] Here we go, he's early with the cue. Here we go. Michael: [Michael is singing to the tune of "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John] "You have won a tiny Dundie." Guy at bar: Sing it Elton. Michael: Hey, thanks guys. Hey, where you guys from? Other Guy at Bar: We just came from yo' mama's house. Michael: Oh, alright, yeah. Guy At Bar: Sing 'em a song dude. Michael: Uh, you know what guys, we're just having a little office party, so if you want, uh... Michael: [Something flies by Michael] Hey, you know, cool it guys, really- [The guy at the bar throws another object, looks like a wad of wet napkins, this time it hits Michael on the shoulder] Guy At Bar: You suck man! Michael: Let's cut it. [Dwight turns the music off] Michael: [clears throat] [with a lot less enthusiasm] I had a few more Dundies to, uh, give out tonight, but, I'm just going to cut it short. And wrap it up so everybody can enjoy their food. Um...thanks for listening, those who listened. [clears throat] This last Dundie is for Kevin, this is the "Don't Go in There After Me" award. It's for the time that I went into the bathroom after him, and it was really, really smelly. So... Michael: [give Kevin his award]There you go. Pam: Yay Kevin. Whoo hoo for Kevin! For stinking up the bathroom. Jim: [starts clapping] Yeah, alright Kev. [More people start clapping] Pam: Woo! Hey, I haven't gotten one yet! Jim: Yes, I have not gotten one either. So, keep going. Pam: More Dundies! Pam and Jim: [clapping] Dundies! Dundies! Dundies! Dundies! Everybody: Dundies! Dundies! Michael: [getting his spirit back] Alright, alright, alright, okay. Alright, we'll keep rolling. Okay, this is the fine work award. This goes to Stanley, for all the fine work he did this year. Pam: Fine work! Fine work Stanley! Michael: You know you did. Pam: Here here! Speech, speech, speech, speech [other people start joining in] Stanley: Well, well, last year, I got great work, so I don't... [Pam starts laughing her cute drunk laugh] Stanley: So, I don't know what to think about this award. But at least I didn't get smelliest bowel movement like Kevin. [starts chuckling] Michael: And this next award is going out to our own little Pam Beesley... [Cut to Pam, her face goes from drunken elation to sober realization] Michael: ...I think we all know what award Pam is going to be getting this year. [Cut to Jim's reaction of scared expectation] Michael: It is the "Whitest Sneakers" award! Because she always has the whitest tennis shoes on! Michael: Get on down here! Pam Beesley ladies and gentlemen! [Pam grabs the microphone from him] Oh, here we go. Pam: I have so many people to thank for this award. [Quick cut to Jim laughing and staring at Pam with amused wonder] Pam: Okay, first off, my Keds. Because I couldn't have done it without them. [people clap] Thank you. Let's give Michael a round of applause for MC-ing tonight because [people start clapping again] this is a lot harder than it looks. And also because of Dwight too. [Dwight stands up, but nobody claps] Pam: Um, so, finally, I want to thank God. Because God gave me this Dundie. [Quick cut to Jim, he's doesn't know whether to laugh or take her seriously, so he gives her an amused/appreciative grin] Pam: And, I feel God in this Chili's tonight. WHOOOOOOOO!!!! Michael: Pam Beesley ladies and gentleman. [Pam hugs Michael and gives him a quick peck on the cheek] Oh! Thank you. Jim: What a great year for the Dundies. Jim: We got to see Ping. [Pam nods] And we learned of Michael's true feelings for Ryan. [Pam nods] Which was touching. And, we heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs. [Pam nods] Which for me, has ruined them for life. [looks at Pam, who is staring at him, nodding] [Jim looks at the camera, then back at Pam, who is still nodding] Jim: What? Pam: Nothing. Jim: Okay. Pam: What? Jim: I don't know, what? [Pam starts laughing, then suddenly falls off the bar stool] Jim: Oh my God! You are so drunk! Jim: Did you get that? Please tell me you got that. This is all going to be on. Dwight: Quick, quick, the woman is having a seizure. Grab her tongue, grab her tongue! It's okay, I'm a sheriff's deputy. Jim: He's a volunteer. Dwight: Don't get into that now. We need something to cushion her head. Throw pillow? A cush- Jim: Dwight come on, come- Dwight: It's okay, I'm going to use my shirt. [Dwight starts taking off his shirt, but gets stuck] Pam: Dwight, get off me! [A Chili's employee comes over, Jim helps Pam up, Dwight is stuck in his shirt] Employee: I'm sorry, you're gonna have to put your clothes back on, people are trying to eat. Dwight: [struggling] Ahh! I can't- Michael: Was this year's Dundies a success? Well, let's see, I made Pam laugh so hard, that she fell out of her chair, and she almost broke her neck. So I klled, almost. Pam: Oh my God! Jim: Whoa. Pam: I just want to say, that this was the best, Dundies, ever! WHOOOOOOOOO!!! Jim: Whoa. Jim: Whoa, careful, careful. Chili's Employee: We have a strict policy here not to over serve. Apparently, this young woman was sneaking drinks off other people's tables. I Xeroxed her driver's license and she is not welcome to this restaurant chain ever again. Michael: Great work tonight. Dwight: Watch your step. Michael: Excellent. Dwight: Thanks, I had to, uh, check her pupils to make sure there wasn't a concussion. Michael: Yes, that too, but I mean with the audio. Great work. Pam: I feel bad about what I wrote on the bathroom wall. Jim: No you don't. Jim: Oh, here she is. Careful, careful, whoa. Alright, easy. Almost there. Pam: Hey, um, can I ask you a question? Jim: sh**t. [Pam stares at Jim for a little while, then glances at the camera, realizes she's on camera] Pam: Um, I just wanted to say thanks. Jim: Not really a question. [starts to laugh] Okay, let's get you home, you're drunk. [Jim opens the door for her] Jim: Alright. Pam: Bye. Jim: Goodnight, have a good night. Thank you Angela.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x01 - The Dundies"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: [clears throat] Hey, what's up? Jim: Hey. Michael: Any emails today? Jim: Um... I don't think so. Michael: No? Um... Check your spam folder. Jim: Oh! There it is! Michael: What? Jim: Um... 'Fifty signs your priest might be Michael Jackson.' Michael: [laughs uncontrollably] Jim: Well done. Michael: Kay. Jim: Topical. Michael: I am king of forwards. It's how I like to do business, everybody joking around. We're like 'Friends'. I am Chandler and Joey and, uh, Pam is Rachel. And Dwight is Kramer. Dwight: So the monkey does the sex thing right here! [monkey noises in background] Michael: That's funny! That's funny. Not offensive. Uh... because it's nature. Educational. Dwight: Do you want the link because then you could forward it around? Michael: Um, I... Dwight: Consider it? Michael: Yeah... maybe. Maybe. Well, we'll see. Because I... I don't know if it's... [muffled by jacket over his head] Whup! Come on! Hey! Todd Packer: What has two thumbs and likes to bone your Mom? [points at self] This guy! Michael: Kay! Oh, you are so bad! Yeah! Todd Packer: [makes laser gn noises] Michael: Oh, Boom! Bam! Oh, this guy is out of control! He is a madman! Better get the bleep button ready for him. Todd Packer: bleep, bleep. What's up, Halpert? Michael: Uh oh. Todd Packer: Still qeer? Michael: Uh oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-o! Michael: Todd Packer and I are total BFF. Best Friends Forever. He and I came up together as salesmen. One time, we were out and we met this set of twins. And Packer told them that we were brothers. And so, you know, one thing led to another, and we brought em back to the motel. And then Packer did both of them. It was awesome. So... Michael: Oh-whoa-oh! Oh! Okay. Grade 'A' gossip for you, right now. Randall, CFO, resigned. Nobody knows why. Todd Packer: Are you kidding? Everyone knows why! You don't know? Okay, check this out. Al lright. So here's the story. So Randall is nailing his secretary, right? And she is totally incompetent. Michael: Really? Here we go! Buckle up. It's going to be a bumpy one! Todd Packer: We're talking blonde incompetent. Michael: Oh, yeah. Todd Packer: Like 10 words a minute... talking. Michael: Well, to be fair... blondes, brunettes, you know, there's a lot of dumb people out there. Todd Packer: They are women, right? Michael: Oh! Wow! I didn't say it! I didn't say it! Todd Packer: I said it. And then, suddenly, for no reason, this bimbo blows the whistle on the whole thing just to be a bitch. Michael: Oh, wow! What did I tell you about the bleep button. Jim: Hey, um... what has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? [points at self] This guy! Todd Packer: Meant to ask you, can you think you can get someone to drive me around because of the, uh, DUI situation? Michael: Oh. Bad boy. [to Ryan] Um... Ryan? [makes Donald Duck noise] Todd Packer: [to Ryan] Come on, kid. Let's go. Michael: Ah! Man. That Todd Packer can do anything. Jim: Except pass that breathalyzer. Ryan: You a big William Hung fan? Todd Packer: Why does everyone ask me that? Who the hell is that? Kevin's computer: [monkey noises] Jim: I'm really excited to meet your Mom. Pam: You are? Pam: My Mom is coming in to visit. And she lives like two hours away. And she doesn't have a cell phone... which is cool cause it's kind of adding some suspense to my day. And I keep looking over at the door hoping she'll walk in. Pam: I've decided to show her around. She really wants to meet everybody. Jim: Oh yeah? Pam: mmhmm. Jim: Good. Cause I have a lot of questions. Pam: Oh really? Jim: Yeah. As a child, did Pam show any traits that would hint towards her future career as a receptionist? Michael: Hey, send me that link to the monkey sex video. I'm going to forward it like it's hot. Dwight: Yes! Michael: Forward it like it's hot. Forward it like it's hot. "Old School". Toby: Michael? Michael: Yes, Toby? Toby: Um... I need to talk to you in your office. It'll just take two seconds. Michael: Um... literally two seconds? Michael: Toby is in HR which technically means he works for Corporate. So he's really not a part of our family. Also he's divorced so he's really not a part of his family. Toby: The full story is that Randall resigned because of sexual harassment. So Corporate asked me to do a five minute review of the Company Sexual Harassment policy. Michael: No, no, Toby. No. Toby: It's really not a big deal, Michael. Michael: It is a big deal. It's a big deal! What are we supposed to do? Scrutinize every little thing we say and do all day? I mean, come on! Toby: And then Corporate is going to send in a lawyer... Michael: What? Toby: Just to refresh you... . Michael: NO! Toby: on our policy. Michael: What? He! No! Okay, what is a lawyer going to come in and tell us? To not send out hilarious emails or not tell jokes? Toby: Maybe not some of them. Maybe not inappropriate ones. Michael: There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke. Michael: Everyone! Hello! Everyone. Hi! Sorry to interrupt. I know you're all busy and the last thing you want is for a major interruption. But Toby has an announcement that he insists on making right now in the middle of the day. [to Toby] So, take it away. Toby: Yeah, okay. Corporate would like us to do a five minute review of the Company Sexual Harassment policy so I'll go over that later. Michael: I wish you luck, Toby. I really do. But you are going to have a mutiny on your hands and I just can't wait to see how you handle it. Michael: A guy goes to a five dollar... lady of the night and he gets crabs. So, the next day he goes back to complain. And the woman says "Hey. It was only five dollars. What did you expect? Lobster?" This is what's at stake. Michael: Time to bring out the big gn. I'm heading down to the warehouse where jokes are born. Find a kller joke that'll just blow everybody away at the seminar later. And remind them what is great about this place. So... ah! Here they are. [to Warehouse guys] Guys! Wondering if I could, uh, get your help for something. I'm looking for a new joke to tell and it needs to be just kller. And it does not need to be clean. So whatcha got? Darryl: Like a joke? A knock-knock joke? Michael: Um, yeah, no, well... I mean better. Better than that. The type of stuff you guys tell all day. Darryl: Well, [points at Michael] those are some awful tight pants you have on. Where'd you get em? Like Queers R Us? Roy: Boys R Us! Warehouse Guy: Oh! Michael: Alright, alright. Well, yeah, but, you know... a joke but not necessarily at my expense. Darryl: Man, we can see all your business coming around the corner, okay? You need to, you know, hide the... good thing you don't have a lot of business to start with. Michael: Oooh, okay. That was still about me. Roy: Hey, hey, hey. Michael: What? Roy: So you don't have the biggest package. Don't feel bad. Michael: I don't feel bad. Darryl: [fake whispers to Roy] I think he feels bad. Michael: No, I don't. Roy: You look like you feel bad. Michael: Okay. Roy: Little package! Michael: Well, not exactly what I was looking for but thanks guys. Warehouse guy: Little package! Little package! Michael: Thank you. Roy: You look good. Darryl: Hiding from his momma. Warehouse guys: [kissing noises, sheep baaing sounds] Toby: So remember, intent is irrelevant. And that's it. Pam? Pam: Um... I just wanted to say that... Just, my Mom's coming in today. Kevin: MILF! Pam: Thanks, Kevin. Pam: Usually the day we talk about sexual harassment is the day that everyone harasses me as a joke. Pam: She's coming in today and maybe just don't joke around about that stuff in front of her. Toby: Great point. Pam: Thank you. Toby: Um... in fact, basic rule of thumb, let's just act everyday like Pam's Mom's coming in. All right. That's it. Um... if anybody has any questions about anything, you know where I sit in the back. Michael: Hi, is it over? Toby: Uh, yes! Michael: No. Toby: I can go over it with you. Michael: I know, I know. It's good. It is not over. It is not over til it's over. Toby: It's over. Michael: Did he tell you everything? Obviously, he didn't because you all still look relatively happy. Albeit bored. Do you realize what we're losing? Seriously? Angela: Email forwards. Michael: Exactly! Mmwwah [blows kiss to Angela]! Can we afford to lose email forwards? Do we want that? Angela: I hate them. You send me these filthy emails and you say forward them to ten people or you'll have bad luck. Michael: Give me a break. Umm... Stanley, how about that hot picture you have by your desk? Centerfold in the Catholic schoolgirl's outfit? I mean, it is hot, it is sexy, and it turns him on. And I will admit, best part of my morning is staring at it. But what? Are we just going to take it away? Stanley: That is my daughter. She goes to Catholic girls' school. I am taking it down right now. Meredith: Um... what about office romance? Toby: Office relationships are never a good idea. Yeah. So let's just try to avoid them. But, um, if you already have one, you should disclose it to HR. Phyllis: All relationships? Eh, even a one-night stand? Michael: I think the old honor system was just fine. For example, I have never slept with an employee. And, believe me, I could have. Dwight: Yeah, Meredith. Michael: No! No! Catherine. Remember her? Remember how hot she was? Dwight: Yes. Michael: She would have definitely slept with me. Kevin: She wasn't that hot. Michael: Yes, she was. Dammit, Kevin! Toby: Ok, you know, Michael... Jim: I'm in an office relationship. It's special. Um... she's nice. She's shy. She's actually here. You want to meet her? Hold on one second. Oh, my God! Put on a shirt! Put on a... . I told you that you'd be on camera. I'm sorry, she's European. No, I told you that you'd be on camera. Stop it. Michael: What if Pam was a lesbian? What if she brought her "partner" in to work? [to Toby] Would that be crossing the line? Toby: No. Michael: What if they made out? In front of everybody? Toby: Well, that would be... Michael: At home? And I told everybody everything about it. Toby: Okay, I'm lost. Michael: Okay. Well, then let's act it out. Pam, you will be girl A and girl B will be... Okay! We'll use the doll. Pam. Pam? Video: [Crossing the Line: Rules for the Modern Workplace] Michael: I wish Todd Packer was here because he would love this. I wonder if anybody else would like to do this. Hey! Um... we have to watch, uh, Toby's video that he's showing us in order to brainwash us and I was wondering if anybody would like to join in? Going to be fun. Got my great pizza. Whataya say? Jim? Jim: No, thanks. I'm good. Michael: That's what she said. Pam? Pam: Uh... my mother's coming. Michael: That's what she sai [clears throat] Nope, but... Okay. Well, suit yourself. Dwight: Hey, Toby. Toby: Hey Dwight. Dwight: You said that we could come to you if we had any questions. Toby: Sure. Dwight: Where is the clitoris? On a website, it said at the crest of the labia. What does that mean? What does the female vagina look like? Toby: Technically, I am in Human Resources. And Dwight was asking about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly. Toby: Yeah, maybe when you get really comfortable with each other, you can ask for that. Dwight: Good. Good. And... Toby: I should get back to work. Dwight: Okay. Man in Video: In today's fast-paced business climate, it can sometimes be hard to know when a comment or an action crosses the line. Let's take a look at a couple of scenarios and ask ourselves 'where is the line?' Video: [Scenario 1[/b]: The Natural Redhead] Roy: Natural redhead. Actor: Hey, Rach. Redheaded Actress: Hey, Joe. Mike. Actor: Hey, settle a bet. Are you a natural redhead? Darryl: Oh, Mi... ! Hey, stop the video! Michael, stop it right there! Stop it right there! That's that girl from that thing. [pointing at Redheaded Actress] I banged this girl right here. This is... Roy: That's her? Darryl: Yes, this is the one. Roy: No! Darryl: You remember? Yes! Roy: At the party? Warehouse guy: You banged her? Darryl: Yes! [to video screen] Right here. You are a naughty girl! Michael: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Okay! Hypocrite! She is a hypocrite. That is such a scam! Okay. Jan: [to cell phone] Yes. Yes, I did. Okay. Well, we can talk about that later then. [to Pam] Hi. Michael: Okay, you are never going to believe this. The girl in the video we're watching that Corporate gave us... Darryl banged her! Aaand is about 90% sure. Todd Packer: Don't ever let this little bitch drive you around town. We got, uh, lost for half an hour. Pam: I don't have any DUI's so I can drive myself, but thanks. Todd Packer: Where is Michael Snot? Sniffing some dude's thong? Probably. Michael: So you are the lawyer, Mr. O'Malley? I know a lot of lawyer jokes. Mr. O'Malley: I love lawyer jokes. Michael: Well, it's probably because you don't get 'em. Michael: When I said before that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who's just delivering drugs from one guy to another. Jan: You seem a little bit agitated, Michael. What's the problem? Michael: The problem is that I am the boss and apparently I can't say anything. Jan: Well, that... that's true in a way. You can't say anything. Michael: Where's the line? Where's the line, Jan. Jan: Do you need to see the video again, Michael? Michael: No, I've seen the video. Toby: [to Jan] He talked the whole time. Michael: No, I didn't. [to Jan] Huh, what? [everyone looks up at blow-up doll] Michael: Attention, everyone! Hello! Ah, yes! I just want you to know that, uh, this is not my decision, but from here on out... we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here we must only discuss work-associated things. And, uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future, if I want to say something funny or witty or do an impression, I will no longer, ever, do any of those things. Jim: Does that include 'That's What She Said'? Michael: Mmmhmm. Yes. Jim: Wow! That is really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so... Michael: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! Jan: Michael. MICHAEL! Michael: [laughing] Come on. Jan: Michael, please. Todd Packer: There he is. Michael: Mwah! [kisses hand and salutes office] Todd Packer: There he is. Good one. Michael: You would have done the same. You just didn't think of it first. Jan: Mike... Michael. Please. I... I... really. Michael: It's... That's... Jan: That's not my sense of humor. Michael: Okay. [to man entering office] Hello. [introduces] Jan. Mr. O'Malley. This is my lawyer, James P. Albiny. Jan: Wha... Michael: I believe you may recognize his face from the billboards. He specializes in Free Speech issues. Albiny: [to camera] And motorcycle head injuries, worker's comp, and diet pill lawsuits. Michael: This guy does it all. Jan: [to Albiny] 'Scuse me, I'm sorry. [to Michael] Michael. Mr. O'Malley is your lawyer. Michael: What? Jan: Mr. O'Malley is our Corporate lawyer. We have him on retainer. To protect the company as well as upper level management, such as yourself. Michael: So I'm not in trouble? Michael: I am so used to being the bad boy. I am so used to fighting Corporate that I forget that I am Corporate. Upper management. They hooked me up with an attorney. To protect me. You can't be too careful about what you say. Mo' money, mo' problems. Michael: Okay. Well, let's get you out of here, James. Um... I think we're under an hour still, so... Albiny: Yeah, but I did a lot of paperwork at home before I got here. Michael: I know. We'll talk about it later. Thanks for coming in. Pam's Mom: Um... hello. Pam: [ecstatic] Oh my god! Pam's Mom: Finally made it! Pam: Hello! Pam: I love my Mom. Okay. That's probably really the most obvious statement ever. Pam's Mom: This is all yours? Pam: Yeah. I'm in charge of this whole area. Pam's Mom: Oh, my goodness. That's great. Todd Packer: So a guy goes home, tells his wife, "Honey. Pack your bags. I just won the lottery." She goes, "Oh my god! That's incredible! Where are we going?" He goes, "I don't know where you're going, just be out of here by five!" [men laugh] Boom! Pam: This is where I used to keep my computer. Pam's Mom: Oh, right! I remember... Pam: But then I moved it. Pam's Mom: with the picture. Pam: Yeah, yeah, but I uh... I switched stuff around because I actually needed like more room for organization. So... Pam's Mom: Sure. Pam: So this is like, um, an organization station... Pam's Mom: [to Roy] Oooooh! Pam: Hey! Pam's Mom: Well, there he is! Roy: How are ya? Pam's Mom: Hi, handsome! Roy: You look great! Pam's Mom: Oh, thank you! So! We ready for dinner? Pam: Well, you know... actually, I kind of need to stall a bit. But, it's okay, because I am very used to klling time. Pam's Mom: Oh, I don't believe that. Roy: Okay, I'm going to go wait in the parking lot. And what kind of tunes you want for the ride? Little, uh, classical? Or oldies? Pam's Mom: Oh, anything is fine. Roy: All right, I'll see ya. Pam's Mom: So which one is Jim? Pam: Mom! Pam's Mom: I just wanted to know. Pam: No. Pam's Mom: All right. Okay. Pam: Ten minutes. Pam's Mom: Okay. Pam: Then we can go to dinner. Pam's Mom: I'll make myself busy. Todd Packer: There's this guy. He's at a Nymphomaniac Convention. And he is psyched 'cause all these women are smokin' hot perfect 10's, except for this one chick who looks a lot like, uh... [points at Phyllis] Kevin: Phyllis? Michael: No. No, no, no. That crosses the line. Todd Packer: Ex-squeeze me? Michael: Not you. Kevin. Just unwarranted. Hostile work environment, Kevin. Kevin: Packer said it. Michael: No. You said it. He pointed. A point is not a say. Look. Kevin, we are a family here and Phyllis is a valued member of that family. Like a grandmother. Phyllis: I'm the same age as you, Michael. Michael: I don't know about that. Phyllis: We're in the same High School class. Michael: Well, I have a late birthday and usually September's a cut-off point. [to Kevin] You know what? You just crossed the line. Okay? There's a line and you went over it. And you must be punished. So go to your corner. Kevin: You mean where my desk is? Michael: Yes, your corner. Go. Kevin: Okay. I have a lot of work to do anyway. Michael: Mmmhmmm. Todd Packer: Oh my. They really got to you, didn't they? Michael: They didn't get to me. I got to them. I am still the same old Michael Scott. New and improved. You know what? I love Phyllis. You know what else? I think she is gorgeous. I think she is incredibly, incredibly attractive person. [to Phyllis] C'mere, c'mere, c'mon! Come on! Come on. Phyllis: Michael! Come on! Michael: Oooh! Phyllis: You don't have to worry. I'm not going to... Michael: I'm not worried. Phyllis: ...report you to HR. Michael: You know what? The only thing I'm worried about... is getting a boner. Good work today, everybody. Michael: Times have changed a little. And even though we're still a family here at Dunder-Mifflin, families grow. And at some point, the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. I am Upper Management. And it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam. As much as I might want to. Pam: He said what?	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x02 - Sexual Harassment"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: I'm an early bird, and I'm a night owl. So I'm wise, and I have worms. Oh, breakfast. Ryan: I got your sausage, egg and cheese biscuit. Michael: Yummy, yummy. Thank you, Ryan. Ryan: What was the thing, ah, you needed me to come in early for? Michael: Um. The sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. But thank you. And why don't you take a couple hours. The office is yours. "Home Alone," "Risky Business." Take your pants off, run around. Whatever you gotta do. Ryan: I'm just going to take a nap in my car until work starts. Michael: Ok. [Removes biscuit, leaving only sausage, egg and cheese.] Healthier. Gotta watch those carbs. Michael: Today, I, Michael Scott, am becoming a homeowner. Investing in real estate. Dwight: Diversifying. Smart. Michael: Yes it is. Yes it is. It is very important to own property. Back in olden days, they would not even let you vote unless you owned property and they'd throw you in the stocks and humiliate you. Dwight: And it worked. They should bring the stocks back. People'd obey the law, there'd be less troublemakers. Michael: Maybe. Jim: [looks bored. Taps finger on desk. Head falls to desk] Pam: [laughs] Pam: Every so often, Jim dies of boredom. I think today it was the expense reports that did him in. And our deal is that, it's up to me to revive him. Pam: You see Dwight's coffee mug? Jim: Mm-hmm. Pam: Sometimes when he's not here, I try to throw stuff in it. Jim: No way. Let's do this [crumples post it and throws into mug. Misses.] Oh. Pam: Here. Jim: Wind. Pam: Try paperclips. Oh wait. This message. For Dwight. Jim: Perfect. [misses] Pam: Oh. Jim: Oh. Dwight: You should go. Michael: Yes. Yes. Final walkthrough. Dwight: Uh huh. Michael: Sign the papers at the condo. Dwight: You have your lawyer there? Michael: Uh, I don't need one. Dwight: Can I be your representative? Michael: I don't need a representative. Dwight: I think I should be there. Michael: No, No. Dwight: I'm good. I can make sure things are up to code. Michael: No. Dwight. I'm fine. Dwight: Please, I'm always the guy you rely on at work. Michael: Well, this isn't about work. This is closing on a condo, it's completely personal. Dwight: So you're taking a personal day? Michael: Except that, this is about my living arrangement, and as boss, I need to have a living arrangement in order to do work. Dwight: Please, I'll make you proud. Michael: Ok. Fine. Yes, you can come. Dwight: Yes! As your representative? Michael: As my associate. Dwight: Same thing. Michael: No it is not. Dwight: I have been Michael's #2 guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart, and I'm like Mozart's friend. No. I'm like Butch Cassidy, and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart; you're going to get a bllet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy. Michael: Oh, most honorable Pamera. Not offensive, because that's the way they talk in movies. Pam: You headed out? Michael: We are. Dwight and I are going to the big thing. So why don't you have everybody work on their expense reports and I'd like them in by the end of the day. Pam: Ok. Michael: Very good. Pam: Have a great time. Michael: We will. Um, did you do the thing I asked you to do about the magazines? Pam: Yeah, I changed them to your new address. Michael: Good. The Small Business Man? Pam: Yup. Michael: Maxim? American Way? Cracked? Pam: Yes, I changed your Cracked magazine subscription. Michael: How about, uh, Fine Arts? Aficionado Monthly? Pam: [shakes head] Michael: NO, well can you get on that, because I don't just read Cracked. Thank you. Pam: Yeah. Michael: Ok. See you soon. Dwight: What kind of shocks you got on this baby? Michael: I don't know, regular. Normal ones. Nothing fancy. Not my style. What are you doing? Dwight: [tries to open sun roof] I want to put the top down. Michael: What? No, Dwight. It's fifty degrees outside. Don't... please... Dwight: But then no one can see us. Michael: I... Just... Would you put it up? [roof opens] Ok. Fine. Just leave it down. Whiner. Dwight: Check it out. [points at sunglasses] Terminator. Michael: I do not understand what you spend your money on. Kevin: [paper football lands on desk] Ooh. Jim: Hey, Oscar, on these new expense reports, do we really have to go back to last quarter? Oscar: Yeah. It's a terrible system, I know. Jim: [points at paper on desk] What does 2005 season mean? Oscar: Eh. Jim: Wait a minute, what is this? Oscar: It's a scoreboard. Jim: What? Oscar: Kevin and I play this paper football game when Michael's out. Jim: Really? Oscar: Yeah. Kevin: Or when we're bored. Jim: Oh my God! Wait, this goes back two years. Kevin: We're bored a lot. Jim: [flicks football onto Kevin's desk] OH! Kevin: Oh! Oscar: Sweet! Jim: Yes! So close. I really love the paper triangle flicking and hitting things game. Yeah. Kevin: We call it Hate Ball. Jim: Why? Kevin: Because of how much Angela hates it. Jim: Hey, do you guys have any other games? Kevin: Sometimes we play "Who can put the most M&M's in their mouth?" Angela: You play that. Oscar: You should ask Toby to teach you Dunderball. Michael: Home, sweet home. Dwight: Which one's yours? Michael: Right there. My sanctuary. My party pad. Someday I can just see my grandkids learning how to walk out here. Hang a swing from this tree. Push them back... wait... [turns around] no, it's this one, right here. Home, sweet home. Jim: [bounces ball off wall with Toby] So that's what this sound is all day. Carol: Michael, this is Bill. He's the head of the condo association. Michael: Oh, how are you? Nice to meet you, Bill. Bill. Mr. Bill. OHHH NOOO. MR. BILL. OHHH! SNL? When they pull him apart? He'd always get rolled over by something. Bill: Nice to meet you. Michael: Nice to meet you too. Dwight: This is smaller than your old place. Michael: Yeah, small. I'm buying it and I'm not renting it. So, it's still an upgrade. He doesn't know anything about property ownership. Kind of an idiot. Um. Dwight: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60 acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin, Mose. We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex. Carol: Are we ready to sign some papers? Dwight: Actually, no. We have a couple of questions, about the neighborhood. Bill: It's very safe. It's very clean. Also, it's very accepting of all lifestyles. Carol: It's a very gay-friendly neighborhood. Michael: Oh. Good. That's good. It's good to be accommodating of that. Dwight: Let's go check out the master bedroom. Jim: Stanley. Just played Dunder Ball with Toby. What about you, you got any games? Stanley: Yeah, I got a game. It's called "work hard so my kids can go to college." Jim: Fair enough. Michael: This, my friends, is the master bedroom. Check out the cathedral ceilings. Those are like seventeen feet high. We have cable readiness. [points at wall] Right there. I am going to totally pimp this place out. I am going to put a surround sound system. I am going to put a plasma screen right against this wall. Dwight: Oh. Terrible idea. Michael: I'm putting my bed right over here. Dwight: No, no, no, no, no. This is a shared wall. Neighbor throws his wife into the wall, plasma screen hits the floor. Totally smashed. Michael: Well, then I will get a warrantee. Dwight: Warrantees don't cover it, plus they're a rip-off. Michael: Well then I won't get a warrantee. Dwight: Shh Shh. Michael: So that's the problem, is solved. What? Dwight: Listen. [puts ear to wall] Can you hear that? Oh man. These babies are thin. Jim: [sings Olympic theme song] This scented candle ...andle ...andle. Which I found in the men's bathroom ...room ...room. Represents the eternal burning of competition. Or something. Kevin: It smells like cookies. Jim: Yes it does. Yes it does my friend. Ok, we will be competing for gold, silver and bronze yogurt lids. Pam: Now the bronze are really blue, and they're also the back side of the gold, so no flipping. K? Honor system. Angela: I do play games. I sing and I dangle things in front of my cats. I play lots of games. Just not at work. Jim: Let the games begin. [sings Olympic theme] Carol: And then, I just need you to sign here at this arrow. Dwight: What kind of mortgage did you get? Michael: Uh... Ten year. Carol: Well, ten over thirty, so thirty year total. Michael: What? Wha? You said ten. Carol: Ten year fixed, over thirty. Thirty year total. Dwight: Ho, thirty years. Michael: Ok, ok, ok. Dwight: Wow, you'll be paying this off in your mid-seventies. Michael: Alright. Dwight: Forget about retiring when you're 65. Hey, I've got an idea. You know that extra bedroom? If the whole girlfriend thing never happens, that's where the nurse can live. Michael: Ok. Alright. Oh boy. Dwight: Well, this is it. Carol: Whenever you're ready. Michael: Um. Oh. [moves stove burner] Oh, ok. Is that suppose to come off? Carol: Actually yes. Dwight: Hey, look! Cool. Carpenter ants. Michael: Um. I'm going to take a little breather for a second. Excuse me. Dwight: We'll be here waiting for you. Michael: Oh, man. Dwight: A thirty year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dad people. Carol: Whenever you're ready, Michael. Michael: Uh. [breathes deeply, head at knees] Jim: You have what is the national sport of Icelandic paper companies. And I'm blanking on the name, can you help me out Pam? Pam: Jim, they refer to it as Flonkerton. Jim: Hum. Pam: In English, box of paper snowshoe racing. Jim: Fair enough, but I like Flonkerton. Pam: The thing about Jim, is when he's excited about something, like the Office Olympics, he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here, so that hardly ever happens. Jim: So, who will be challenging Kevin in Flonkerton? Anyone? Phyllis: I'll do it. Jim: Yes! Phyllis! [claps] Phyllis, just put your foot right through here [lifts strap on box of paper]. Right through the flonk. Michael: The ceilings are lower than they were last week. That, I don't... I don't... Carol: What? Michael: ...know if you showed me this same unit or not. Carol: Michael, this is the unit you saw and... Michael: Where are all the hot people? I was told that there would be all these attractive singles. Carol: Who told you that? Michael: As far as I can tell, I'm the best-looking person here. Michael: There's a basic principle in real estate, that you should never be the best-looking person in the development. It's just sorta common sense, because if you are, then you've no place to go but down. Carol: Is this a financial thing? If it's a financial thing, what some people do is they rent out the third bedroom. Michael: No, no, no. Carol: That's some extra income for you. Michael: I am not going to rent the third bedroom. I want a price reduction or I am a-walkin. Carol: You will lose $7,000 if you walk away right now. Michael: Ehhhh.... Michael: I made the right decision. I'm glad I signed. I'm a homeowner. Right? Good to be a homeowner. Diversifying. This is good. This is fun. We're having fun. Dwight: Totally having fun. Can you imagine those poor saps stuck at the office today? [laughs] Jim: Here we go. Here we go. Pam: Go! Go! Go! Oscar: Pair of shoes! Jim: Dig deep, dig deep! OHHHhhh! It's Phyllis! Pam: It's Phyllis! Jim: Phyllis by a nose. Gold medal in Flernenton. Pam: Flonkerton. Jim: Thank you, delegate from Iceland. Meredith: Wow! Kevin: [empties bowl of M&M's into his mouth] Jim: Wow! Ok. No one else should even try! Gold medals! Give him medals. Wow. Michael: There's something else Dwight wanted to talk to you about. I have a surprise for you, for helping me out today. Dwight: You didn't have to... Michael: No, no. I insist. I insist. Because you've really done some great work. Great work. And that is why, I am going to let you move into my third bedroom and pay me rent. Michael: Why did I do it? Because I believe in rewarding people for their efforts. Ah. I rewarded Dwight with the room, and he is rewarding me back, ah, with $500 plus utilities. Dwight: I don't even know what to say. Michael: I'm thinking, lock into a four year commitment, we'll go month to month after that. Or, until I start dating, have a girlfriend, then you're, you know, you're gone. Dwight: Question. Where can I put my terrarium? Michael: What the hell is a terrarium? Dwight: It's a fish tnk for snakes and lizards. Michael: Oh, so an aquarium. Ah, that will not come into this place. Dwight: Question. My grandparents left me a large number of armoires. Pam: Are you sure you don't want to play? Angela: I'm sure. Pam: Come on Angela, don't you have a game? Angela: I have one, yes. Pam: Well, let's play, what is it? Angela: I call it Pam Pong. I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you. Pam: We're friends. Angela: Apparently. Jim: Very nicely done. I think that's H-O-R for Stanley, and H-O for Phyllis. Phyllis: Are you calling me a ho? Jim: Oh my god. Phyllis, coming alive. I like it. Dwight: Question. What about carpooling, who pays for the gas? Michael: We take separate cars. Dwight: Question. Can sometimes I drive your car and you drive mine? Michael: Why would we do that? Dwight: Just for fun? Michael: No. Dwight: Question. Who is the primary on the fre insurance? Michael: EHHHHNT. Game over. Offer revoked. Dwight. I'm sorry, but you reach out and you try to be a nice guy, and help out a friend, and this is what happens. This is what I get. Oh god. I'm ... Ok. Dwight: Thank god. It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a nine bedroom farm house. I have my own crossbow range. It's a perfect situation for me. Although two bathrooms would have been nice, we just have the one. And it's under the porch. Oscar: Ah... Everyone: OH! Jim: Who had someone from Vance Refrigeration? Ryan: I did. Jim: Ryan Howard. Ryan! [claps] Gold medal. Pam: I made something for our closing ceremonies. Jim: What? [looks in box] Oh my god. Where did you have time to make that? Pam: atmatic voicemail. Jim: Alright Pam, alright [gives her hi-five]. Nice work! Pam: [sees Angela making check mark on tally sheet] Stanley: A little bit more and I would have had it. Dwight: You know you can always refinance your mortgage. We had a 15 year on our beet farm. We paid it off early. Michael: Yeah, well, you know what? Nobody cares about your stupid beet farm. Beets are the worst. Dwight: People love beets. Michael: Nobody likes beets. Dwight: Everybody loves beets. Michael: Nobody likes beets, Dwight. Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy. I'd love a piece of candy right now. Not a beet. Dwight: Let's get this roof going. Michael: Stop it! [smacks Dwight's arm] Dwight: Ow. Jim: Final lap. Final lap. Time to bat is 1:15. Stanley: Oscar! Crowd: Go! Go! Go! Jim: Time to bat is one minute, 15 seconds. Here they come. [Michael and Dwight enter] Guys? Dwight: What is going on? Jim: Nothing. Guys? Timer's still going? Er? Dwight: That's my stopwatch. Jim: [hands expense report to Oscar] Here you go. All done. Oscar: Great. Jim: Yeah, I filled out the expense reports. That took about five minutes and then I closed two sales at lunch time. So, about as productive as any other day. If not more so. Ryan: I figured I could throw it away now, or I could keep it for a couple of months and then throw it away. I mean, it was really nice of Pam to make them, but what am I going to do with a gold medal made of paper clips and an old yogurt lid? Jim: Hey. Pam: I have 59 voicemails. Jim: Mmm. Hey, can you ignore those and do something for me instead? Pam: Sure. Jim: Okay, today. 5 o'clock. Closing Ceremonies. Pam: Really? Jim: Notify the athletes. Pam: Cool. Jim: Michael. Michael: Yeah. Jim. Slim Jim. What's going... What's going on? Jim: Nothing. I just wanted to congratulate you on your condo. Michael: Oh. Thanks. Thanks. It's very cool. It's a three bedroom, gay-friendly. Jim: Nice. Michael: You know. Jim: Hey, would you mind coming out here for a second? I just have something for you. Michael: Really? Michael: What's this? Jim: These are the Closing Ceremonies. Step up. You're on the top one. [Michael stands on podium] Congratulations to Michael, because he closed on his condo. So, gold medal. [everyone claps] Michael: I don't really know what to say. Um, I'm not one for making speeches, but ah, my heart is very full at this moment. Jim: And for Dwight Schrute, the silver medal. Michael: Get up here, Dwight. Dwight: Silver medal. Michael: Yep, not as good as gold. [national anthem plays] Why are you playing the national anthem? Jim: Um... 'Cause your condo's in America. Michael: Oh. [doves move across cord] What the hell is that? Jim: Those are the doves.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x03 - Office Olympics"}	foreverdreaming
Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Sure, can I ask who's calling? Just a second. Jim: Jim Halpert. What? How did you get this number? Stalker. Pam: Katy and Jim met in the office. And now I guess they're like going out, or dating, or something. And, uh... I don't know! You know? They're just... She calls him, and they... You know, I'm sorry. I feel like I'm talking really loud. Am I talking really loud? Jim: So we're still on for lunch? You're meeting me here? Okay. Great. Bye. Pam: [to Jim] Hey! You can just give her your extension. Jim: Okay. Michael: Howard, slash Ryan, Ryan Howard is sitting in my office. And he has been a temp here for a couple of months and he's kind of gotten the lay of the land a little bit. Had a few laughs along the way. And now he wants to know what I think. Ryan: The temp agency wants to know what you think. Michael: Shall we? Let us proceed. First up, proficiency in necessary skills. Aaaaeeexcellent! [laughs] Dwight: Michael's in there right now evaluating the temp. He hasn't evaluated me in years. Michael: Five years from now, what do you want to do? Where do you want to be? Ryan: Ah, well, I'm interested in business. Michael: Oh! Good. Ambitious. Excellent. Want to be a manager? Ryan: Uh, no, actually, uh, what I want is to own my own company. Michael: That is ridiculous. Michael: Ryan's about to attend the Michael Scott School of Business. I'm like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one. Michael: [speaks in a Yoda voice] Much advice you seek. [regular voice] Do you know who that is? Ryan: Fozzie bear? Michael: Mmm... No. That was Yoda. Michael: There are ten rules of business that you need to learn. Number one[/b]: You need to play to win. But... you also have to win to play. Ryan: Got it. Michael: And I will give you the rest of the ten at lunch. Michael: [to Ryan] [makes clicking noises like sh*ting a gn] Hey! Dwight: Michael and I have a very special connection. He's like Batman, I'm like Robin. He's like the Lone Ranger, and I'm like Tonto. And it's not like there was the Lone Ranger, and Tonto, and Bonto. Oscar: [in background, on phone] But it says no late fee... . Dwight: [alarm sounds] People! Angela: Okay! Everybody! Dwight: This is not a test! Move to the exits! Angela: Do not panic! Dwight: Head towards the exits. Angela: Safety partners. Dwight: Get up off your desks! Angela: Do not panic. Oscar: [in phone] No, I don't hear it? Alright. Dwight: No, panic is warranted! Angela: Go in single file lines. Oscar: [in phone] No, no. Finish the... Dwight: This is not at drill! Angela: Arms at your sides! Arms at your sides! Dwight: Please, move quickly! This is a paper company, people! Step lively! Angela: Go, let's go. Dwight: This whole place is a tinder box, it is ready to blow! Dwight: This is not a test! Can you leave?! Phyllis: Oh, you say that every time. Dwight: DO YOU WANT TO DIE? Phyllis: Oh, boy... Dwight: Do you want to die? OUT!! Angela: Alright, let's go, let's go. Dwight: STANLEY! Have you ever seen a burn victim? Angela: Come on, you're safety partners! Dwight: Move to the exits! Angela: You're safety partners! Dwight: We've got smoke! We've got smoke! Smoke! Gah! [Spots Kelly] Oh, Kelly! You're okay! I've got you! Kelly: I'm okay! Dwight: Cover your nose and mouth. Breathe through your nose. Kelly: Let go of me! Dwight: Breathe through your nose. Remove your stockings. Okay? They'll melt right into your flesh! Stay below the smoke line. Let's go! Clear out, stat! STAT MEANS NOW! Michael: Yes, I was the first one out. And, yes, I've heard women and children first. But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweat shop. Thankfully. And, uh, women are equal in the workplace by law. So, I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands. Michael: Another rule of business is being able to adapt to different situations. Ryan: Yeah. Michael: Adapt. React. Re-adapt. Act. All right? That's rule number two. Dwight: Okay, guys, listen up, we need a head count. We need to count off. Michael's number one. Where is he? Where is he? Michael: So what was rule two? Ryan: Ah... adapt, react, re-adapt, act. Michael: Okay, well, let's... . let's kind of take it a little slower. Dwight: Hey, Michael. Um... Ryan needs his number for the count off. Michael: Okay, uh, well, one is taken. Ryan: Uh, okay, two? Dwight: NO! Ryan: Okay... uh, sorry? Dwight: Okay, he can have 14. Marjory's not here today. Michael: Well, he needs a permanent number, right? Ryan: No. Ryan: ...I don't. Dwight: Oh, you know what else? I thought of a nickname for the three of us. Three Musketeers. Michael: Um, yeah. Okay. That... No, no, no. I got one. I got one. The Three Stooges. Dwight: That's funny, too. But if we're the Three Musketeers... Ryan: I don't want to be like "a guy" here. You know? Like, Stanley is the "crossword puzzle guy". And Angela has cats. I don't want to have a thing... here. You know, I don't want to be the "something guy". Jim: Okay, you know what? I am going to be, uh, setting the agenda here. Okay? Can everybody gather up, please? Important announcement. Very important announcement. I think this is a perfect opportunity for all of us to participate in some really intense, psychologically revealing conversations. So we're going to be playing Desert Island, umm, Who Would You Do? Stanley: Ooh. Jim: And, um... Pam: ...Would You Rather? Jim: Would You Rather. Would You Rather is our third game. Dwight: [to firemen] Hey guys, great response time. Listen up, I got some theories. Okay, there's a... Jim: Okay, so... three books on a desert island? Angela. Angela: The Bible. Stanley: That's one book. You've got two others. Angela: A Purpose Driven Life. Jim: Nice. Third book? Angela: No. Jim: Okay. Phyllis. Phyllis: Um, The DaVinci Code. Angela: The DaVinci Code! Jim: Nice. Angela: I would take The DaVinci Code... so I could burn The DaVinci Code. Dwight: Okay. Great, that's going to keep you warm for like 7 seconds. Question[/b]: is there fre wood on the island? Jim: I guess. Dwight: Then I would bring an axe, no books. Jim: Uh, it has to be a book, Dwight. Dwight: Fine. Physician's Desk Reference. Jim: Nice. Smart. Dwight: ...hollowed out, inside[/b]: waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question[/b]: did my shoes come off in the plane crash? Michael: Rule number four. In business, image is everything - Andre Agassi. This car is an investment. Right? If I have to take out a client or I'm seen around Scranton in it. I love it. I love this car. Do you like it? Ryan: Yeah. Jim: Okay. Thought people read more books. Jim: DVDs! Five movies. What would you bring to the island? Yes! Meredith? Meredith: Legends of the Fall, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Legally Blond, Bridges of Madison County... Jim: Wow. Pam: Legends of the Fall? Jim: Wow. Bridges of Madison County, Legally Blond, these movies are just... . Pam: Well, I kind of liked Legal... Jim: Wait, wait, wait. Pam. No. Do you understand? The... the game is Desert Island Movies, not guilty pleasure movies. Desert Island Movies are the movies you're going to watch for the rest of your life! Forever! Unforgivable. Pam: I take it back. Jim: Unforgivable. Pam: I take it back! Jim: Good. Meredith: ...and Ghost. But, ah, just that one scene... Dwight: Is this your car, Ryan? Michael: Wow, some pretty big books back there, huh? Ryan: [to Dwight] Don't... Dwight: Good shocks. Michael: Hello, Mr. Egghead! Woop! So... oh, Stanley Kaplan! I know him. 'M' is for mrder, 'P' is for... Ryan: That's actually a test prep book. Michael: ...for Phone. What? Ryan: That's a test prep for business school. Michael: Um, oh, thinking about business school? Ryan: I just got in. I applied, I go at night. Michael: Really? Ryan: Yeah. Michael: So you think you know a lot about business? Ryan: No, not yet. Michael: Uh huh. Ryan: Just started. Michael: Yeah. Quiz me. Ryan: I... wouldn't even know where to start. Michael: Come on, egghead. Let's do it. Dwight: Do it. Michael: Quiz me up. Ryan: All right, um... Why have people been rethinking the Microsoft model in the past few years? Michael: Uh... Michael: When I was Ryan's age, I worked in a fast food restaurant, to save up money for school. And then I spe... lost it in a pyramid scheme. But I learned more about business, right then and there, than business school would ever teach me, or Ryan would ever teach me. Ryan: Is it cheaper to sign a new customer? Or to keep an existing customer? Dwight: Keep an existing... Michael: [to Dwight] Shut, it. Can I... can I just do it please? [to Ryan] Uh, it's equal. Ryan: It is ten times more expensive to sign a new customer. Michael: Okay. Yes! It was a trick question. Dwight: Yeah, but look, I mean, he didn't need business school. Okay, Michael comes from the school of hard knocks. Michael: Okay, Dwight. Dwight: Self taught. You didn't even go to college. Michael: You know what, Dwight? You don't need to help me here. Okay? Well, you know... Maybe you should go to business school like Ryan, then... then you'd know what you're talking about. Dwight: [scoffs] Come on. I'm studying with the master, huh? Michael: For instance, why don't you go to business... Dwight: [to Ryan] You should learn from him, right? Ryan: I am. Dwight: Right? Ryan: I am. Michael: Stop. Dwight. You know what? You're acting like a dork. Would you cool it? Please. Okay. Hey! He's not your five year old brother, Dwight. He's a valued member of this company... and you know what? He knows more about business than you ever will. Dwight: Stupid! Michael: I did not go to business school. You know who else didn't go to business school? LeBron James, Tracy McGrady, Kobe Bryant. They went right from high school to the NBA. So... so it's not the same thing. At all. Michael: Look at this stuff. Market fragments. What is that supposed to be? Ryan: It's a way of looking at consumers as subsets of a larger client base. Michael: You are so smart. You are so eff-in' smart. You should be teaching me. Jim: Pam? Get us back into it. Pam: Okay. Jim: Five movies. Go ahead. Pam: Um, Fargo, um, Edward Scissorhands, Dazed and Confused... Jim: Ooh, definitely in my top five. Pam: Yes. In my top three, so suck it. Jim: What? Pam: Breakfast Club. Um... The Princess Bride and... Jim: Okay that's five. Pam: No, my all time favorite! Jim: Pam, play by the rules. Pam: All time favorite. Jim: Play by the rules. Dwight. All time favorite movie. Dwight: The Crow. Michael: I became a salesman... because of people, I love making friends. But then I was promoted to manager, at a very young age. I still try to be a friend first, but... You know? I'm very successful... your coworkers look at you differently. Huu, what do you think? Ryan: Maybe we should get some air. Michael: Nah, I'm okay. Ryan: I'm really uncomfortable. Jim: All right. Let's move on. Let's move on to the main event. Who Would You Do? Kevin: Present company excluded? Jim: Um, not neccessari... Kevin: Pam. Oscar: Pam. Jim: Um... okay. Ah, you know what? Maybe I'll... I'll finish explaining the rules. Let's... let me explain it first, and then... song: ["Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M.] Think you've had too much / in this life. Jim: Yeah, so we'll get right... You know what? I'll be right back. Stanley, you're taking over for me, buddy. I'll be right back. Stanley: Okay, um... Jim: Dwight. Dwight. Song: Everybody hurts, Jim: Come on Dwight! Use words. Song: Sometim... . Dwight: Why didn't I go to business school? Jim: Who goes to business school? Dwight: The temp. Jim: He does? Dwight: Yeah, it's all him and Michael talk about anymore. Pam: You know, I bet Ryan thinks to himself 'I wish I were a volunteer sheriff on the weekends'. Dwight: He doesn't even know that I do that. Pam: You should tell him. Dwight: Oh yeah, Pam. Right. That's going to help things, just talk it out. I hope the wr goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted. Pam: Dwight. Jim: What? Dwight: I'm sorry I said that, I didn't... just part of me meant it. Besides, he'd end up being a hero anyway. Jim: You know what you should do? You should quit. And then, that would stick it to both of them. Dwight: Oh Jim, I'm not going to quit. Then Ryan wins. Jim: Yeah. You're right. Dwight: Thanks you guys. I just need some alone time. Pam: Kay. Song: Everybody hurts Jim: Alright buddy. Song: Everybody cries Roy: Hey! Guys, what's going on? Jim: Nothing. Pam: Hey! Song: Everybody hurts Roy: What's up? Can I hang out with you guys for a bit? Song: Sometimes Roy: The warehouse guys are a bunch of jackasses sometimes. Stanley: Come on people, you know the rules of the game now. Michael: Oh, hey. Game, what game are we playing here? Stanley: Okay. It's called Who Would You Do? Michael: Oh, I play this at home all the time while I'm falling asleep. What, uh... . Where are we? Where are we here? Mmm.. Roy? Roy? Who would you do, Roy? Roy: Uh... Oh, I got it! Uh, what's the name of that, uh, tight ass, uh, Christian, uh, chick. The, uh, the blond? Angela: My name is Angela. Roy: Hey, Angela! Roy. Nice to meet you. Michael: Aaaall right. Who's next, who's next, who's next, who's? Jim? You're next. Who would you do? Jim: Um... Kevin, hands down. Yeah. He's really got that teddy bear thing going on, and afterwards, we could just watch bowling. Michael: Well, I would definitely have sex with Ryan. 'Cause he is going to own his own business. Roy: You're all gay. Michael: Who's, uh... Who's next? Who we got? Whooo... Ryan: [answers phone] Hey, no, I can talk, I can talk, I can talk... this is great timing. Michael: Wish I had my cell phone, but I left it inside. So... Dwight: Would that make you happy? Michael: What's that? Dwight: If you had your cell phone, it would make you happy? Michael: Yeah. Dwight: I'm on it. Michael: Dwight. Hey! Angela: You can't go in yet! Michael: Dwight, don't! He is an idiot. The man is an idiot, ladies and gentlemen. Kevin: What if he dies in the fre? And that's the last thing you ever said to him. Michael: I didn't say it to him. I said it about him. Meredith: ...Jim. Phyllis: Definitely Jim. Kelly: Definitely, definitely, Jim. Phyllis: Come on, Pam. Kelly: How about you Pam? Pam: Um... Oscar's kind of cute. Phyllis: Yeah, I like Oscar. Pam: Ooh, Toby! Michael: [in the background] How long does it take to find a cell phone? I don't know either. Meredith: Is there anybody else. Kevin: [clears his throat] Jim: [on the phone] Hey, where are you? Oh good. Yeah. We're just here, we're playing Desert Island. It's when you pick your five favorite DVDs... Michael: Seriously, where the hell is Dwight? Hey, call my cell phone. It'll make it easier for him to find. Ryan: What's your number? Michael: I gave it to you in the car. Ryan: Um... Michael: I saw you program it in. Ryan: You got to... you got to give it to me again. Michael: Okay. Alright. Ryan: Now I have it. Michael: Uh, I better tell somebody. [to fireman] Excuse me, sir... Dwight: [coughing] Michael: Dwight!? Great goin'. God, Man! Why did you go in there? What... Everybody was scared out of their wits, man? Oooh. Dwight: [coughing] Everyone, okay? Uh, I have an announcement. Apparently, in business school, they don't teach you how to operate a toaster oven. Because some smart, sexy temp left his cheese pita on oven instead of timing it for the toaster thing. Michael: Wow. Okay. Well, I guess they don't teach how to operate a toaster oven in business school. Dwight: That's exactly what I said. Michael: Hey, did you miss that day there, Ryan? Dwight: Were you absent? Michael: Toaster Oven 101? Dwight: You failed? Ryan: I am so sorry. Michael: Hey! I know what'll impress everybody, I'll start a fre. Oh, man. Bad idea. Bad idea jeans. Dwight: I have a song. Attention, everyone! That I want to sing. That I wrote especially for this occasion when I was up there among the flames. Ready? [sings to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the fre"] Ryan started the fre! It was always burning since the world's been turning! Dwight and Michael: [singing] Ryan started the fre! It was always burning--- Dwight: Everybody! Michael: [singing] ...since the world was turning. Ryan: I can't believe I started the fre. Dwight and Michael: [sing gibberish to "We Didn't Start the fre"] Dwight: [singing] ... Marilyn Monroe! Dwight and Michael: [singing] Ryan started the fre! It was always burning... Dwight: Eat it! You gotta eat it. You have to eat it! Katy: Hi! Jim: Hey. Katy: How are you? Jim: Good, how are you? Katy: I'm good. It's good to see you. Jim: Good to see you, too. Katy: I'm hungry. Jim: Yeah, I am too. Katy: Oh, I have been thinking the whole way over and I have my answers. Jim: What answers? Katy: Um, for the... the desert island. Jim: Oh! Right! Right, right, right, come-ah on, on, on. [to everyone] Ladies and gentlemen! Gather around! We have one more participant. Come on, be polite. Be polite. [to Katy] Desert Island. Five movies. Go. Katy: Okay, um, first, Legally Blond. Pam: I forgot what a super, nice girl Katy is. And just... good for Jim! They are so cute together. And, um, what an adorable car. Jim: Okay, I think the game's over... People are like leaving. There was a bigger crowd last time. Do you just want to go to lunch? Katy: Okay. Jim: Yeah? Katy: Alright! You want to drive? Jim: Sure. Katy: Alright. Katy: [looking at Roy and Pam] They are soo cute. Ryan: I'm really sorry, Dwight. Dwight: Answer me this, though. Ryan: What? Dwight: Was it worth it? Was it worth it temp? Ryan: No. Kevin: Was it worth it? Dwight: Really? Ryan: I'm really sorry, Dwight. Dwight: The fre guy! The fre guy! Dwight: [sings] Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe, Ryan started the fre! Michael: Okay. Rule five - safety first, i.e. don't burn the building down. Okay? That should be a no brainer. Michael: Oh... look! Ryan is book smart. And I am street smart. And book smart. Michael: I'll give you the rest of the ten tomorrow.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x04 - The f*re"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: Happy Halloween, everyone! [notices Pam, in her cat costume] Oh... that's great! Pam: Hey... Happy Halloween. Jan called. Michael: Ohh... OK. Michael: I know why she's calling. It's the end of the month, and I was supposed to let somebody go by the end of the month. And somehow I'm supposed to put on a costume and smile. [dials a number on his speaker phone] Okay. Sherri: [on phone] Jan Levinson's office. Michael: Hey, Sherri. Michael Scott returning. Sherri: Oh, she's in a meeting. Uh, she just wanted the name of the employee you let go. Michael: Well, I'm gonna wait till the end of the day. Because the book said it's best to wait till the end of the day. Sherri: I just need the name of who you're planning to let go. Michael: I don't know... yet. I will have to call her back. Sherri: I know she wanted the name. Michael: Okay... Sherri? Sherri: Yeah? Michael: If you were getting fired, how would you wanna be told so you could still be friends with the person fring you? Sherri: Jan wants the name as soon as possible, Michael. Michael: Thanks. Sherri: Mm-Hmm. Michael: I'll call her back. [talks softy, to himself] Wish I could fre Sherri. Sherri: Hey, I'm still here. Michael: Okay! I'm sorry. Sherri: Yeah. Michael: No? Sherri: OK. Michael: Bye. Sherri: Hanging up now. Michael: I mean you hear about layoffs in the news, but when you actually have to do it yourself, it is heavy stuff. It's... these are people's lives you're talking about. Pam: [entering] You wanted me? Michael: Yes. Pam: [notices Michael's costume] Papier-mache? Michael: Yes. Pam: Hmm. Michael: Yeeesh. Pam: Mm-hmm. Michael: Um, Pam, I have to let somebody go today. This is, uh, the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Pam: Why did you put it off until Halloween? Michael: Because it's very scary stuff. Pam: I think it's gonna put a damper on the party a little. Michael: You're worried about the party? There's a man's life at stake here. Pam: So it's a man? Michael: No. Or a woman. A human life. If you had to guess, who it would be based on their job performance... and who you think deserved to be fired - who would that be? Pam: I just answer the phone. Michael: And... sometimes you just let it go to voicemail. Pam: You're costume is fantastic! [laughs] Michael: I know. I sent away for it in July from a catalog. [bobs his head around, causing the costume head to jiggle around] Pam: Oh no, don't, don't, don't, don't. [Michael laughs] Aah! [laughs, then leaves] Okay... Michael: Oh, man. Okay, I have to fre somebody. Dwight: [eyeing Jim's costume] What is that?! What are you supposed to be? Jim: I'm a three hole punch version of Jim. 'Cause you can have me either way. Plain White Jim, or Three-hole Punch. Phyllis: That's great! Jim: Oh, yeah. Dwight: Yeah, well look... [pulls his hood over his head and pops up his light saber] What about me? Phyllis: What are you? A monk? Dwight: I am a Sith Lord. [looks at Jim] Oh big deal. Three round pieces of paper taped to a shirt. This cost me 129 dollars. Phyllis: Ass. Michael: Hey. Oscar: Michael. Michael: You guys excited about the party? Angela: Yeah. Michael: It's gonna be fun. Kevin: Yeah. Angela: Yes. Michael: [looks to Oscar] Oh, boy... look at you! Haha. Showing your colors. Bet you wish you wore a dress every day. Oscar: What are you implying? Michael: All good. Happy Halloween. What happened to all those spooky decorations that we had? The cobwebs and such? Angela: You know, I don't know. We put them all up last night. Michael: Well, you know what? Go buy some more. I'll approve the overages. Sound good? Angela: Yeah. Michael: Good. Oh, yeah, also about budget stuff. Um, I'm going to need you to find, like a, a full employee salary, plus benefits, like fifty grand. I'm going to need you to find 50 grand in the numbers. Angela: But we don't keep two sets of books. Michael: Well, that's not what I'm saying. Just, you know, find it. Pretend that your jobs depend on it. Michael: Mmm-hm-hmm. Interesting take on Dorothy. I love it. Hey, you know what would even be better? Soccer ball and cleats. Kelly: Why is that? Michael: "Bend It Like Beckham." Kelly: Oh, like ... the movie about the Indian girl who plays soccer? Michael: [laughs] Yeah. That would be perfect. Kelly: Yeah, I mean, I guess I could do that. I don't really play soccer or anything. Michael: Well, I don't really have two heads. So... Dwight: Wait, what are you again? Oh, right... Three-hole PUNCH! [punches Jim in the chest and cracks up laughing] Pam: Okay, greatest strength. Jim: Okay, okay... Pam: A dog-like obedience to authority Jim: Nice. Pam: But that doesn't sound good. Jim: Okay, okay. Um, how 'bout, the ultimate team player? [Pam laughs and types] Jim: Dwight is... special. But, I don't believe that his talents are being used in this office. So Pam and I have put his resume on Monster.com, Google, Craig's List. We're really interested most in jobs that take Dwight out of state. Um, preferably Alaska... or India. Pam: He's a gn nut. Jim: Um. He sticks to his gn. Angela: Well, I looked through all the budgets. And there is one department... Oscar: Yes? Angela: ... that has three people... Oscar: Yeah? Angela: ... doing the work that could be done by two. Oscar: This is great. [Angela shakes her head] Oh. Kevin: Yeah. Oh. Michael: Who do you think it should be? Dwight: Jim. Definitely. Michael: No, Jim brings in money. Dwight: Phyllis. Michael: Eh. Dwight: Stanley. Pam. Oscar. Meredith. Kevin. Angela. Michael: It's not a popularity contest. Although it does make sense to fre the least popular because it has the least effect on morale. Dwight: One of the warehouse guys. Michael: [turns to the fake head, listening] What? There was someone left off that list? Who? Dwight: Who is he saying? Michael: You're right, I didn't even think of him. Dwight: No, Michael. Michael: Yeah, that's actually a really good idea. Dwight: No, not me. Michael: Yeah... I could. Dwight: Not Dwight. Michael: I'm not saying that's what he said. Dwight: I know that's what he said. Michael: [listening to his head] What? Dwight: Tell him, not Dwight. Michael: That is not a very nice thing to say about him. Dwight: Tell him to stop. Michael: Are you kidding? Dwight: Quiet, you. Michael: I agree. He'd land on his feet. Dwight: Make him be quiet. Angela: Those aren't chips and dip. Pam: No, I made brownies. Angela: Uh! Pam: ... What? Angela: I'm just trying to figure out why you're sabotaging things. Pam: I made brownies. Angela: And I made cookies. Same category. Pam: I'm guessing Angela's the one in the neighborhood who gives the trick-or-treaters some toothbrushes. Pennies. Walnuts. Pam: [on phone] Dunder-Mifflin. This is Pam. [listens] Uh, yeah. [snaps her fingers in the air, getting Jim's attention] Just one second. I will, uh, transfer you to our manager, Michael Scott. Jim: Um... Whoa. [picks up ringing phone][in managerial voice] Michael Scott here. Yes, I am regional manager of this orifice. Mmm hmm. Dwight Schrute is amazing. Yeah. No, he is actually the single greatest employee of his generation. Mm hmm. You know what? I'm gonna tell you what. You hire Dwight K. Schrute, and if he does not meet, nay, exceed every one of your wildest expectations, well then, you can hold me, Michael Gary Scott, personally and financially responsible. Okay. Okay. Okay-kay-kay-kay-kay. Okay. Dwight: Stanley, could you come with me, please. Stanley: No. Dwight: As Assistant Regional Manager... Stanley: To the. Dwight: Look! I've got some bad news. You're fired. You need to pack up your things and go. [Stanley laughs.] I'm serious, Stanley. It's over. I'm sorry. Stanley: [laughs, and imitates Donald Trump] You're fired. Get your fingers off my phone. Michael: So. How did it go with Stanley? How... how'd he take it? Dwight: He wouldn't listen to me Michael: Ahh, come on. Dwight: If you want to fre him, you're going to have to tell him yourself. Michael: I don't wanna fre Stanley. I never said that. I'm certainly not going to do it myself. Get those big, baleful, eyes staring at me. Yikes. Just, okay, just... [waves Dwight away] Dwight: [whispering on the phone] Cumberland Mills?! And how did you get my resume? Oh no, no. I'm very flattered. Don't get me wrong. I'm just not sure that it's my official resume or if it's something that maybe a satisfied customer posted online. What does it say under martial arts training? Oh. Okay, I'm gonna have to supplement that. Could I have your fax number? Dwight: Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm getting paid for here is my loyalty. But, if there were somewhere else that valued that loyalty more highly, I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most. Oscar: Oh... hey. Ryan: Oh, your dress is stuck in the back. Kind of just... Oscar: Oh. [fixes his dress] Dwight: [on the phone] So you got the fax? So why didn't you add it to the res... ? What do you mean? Of course martial arts training is relevant. Oh, excuse me! I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ. Uh, yeah, I get a little frustrated when I'm dealing with incompetence. Well, you know what? You can go to hell, too. And I will see you there... burning. Fine! Okay... oh wait! So you'll let me know when you've made a decis... [stops and hangs up phone.] Pam: Jim is really talented. And he should be the one who's getting a better job offer. Like, for real. Pam: Don't take this the wrong way, but... you should go for that job. Jim: Um... it's in Maryland. Pam: Yeah, but I mean, look at the salary. And it's definitely a step up. And a challenge. Jim: Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Maybe... maybe I will. [starts walking away] Pam: Jim... Dwight: This is called leveraging an offer. [walks into Michael's office] Michael, can I talk to you for a moment? Michael: Oh, God. Dwight: I just thought you should know that I was just offered a job with better pay, better benefits and a better title at Cumberland Mills. Michael: Fantastic! Dwight: And I turned it down. Michael: What?! That would've solved all my problems. Dwight: Out of loyalty to this company... Michael: Oh, you idiot. Dwight: ... so I was hoping to be made Assistant Regional Manager officially. Michael: If you left, I wouldn't have to fre anybody. Dwight: But then you wouldn't have me here. Michael: Big deal. Oh, it would've worked out so well. Can you get it back? Dwight: It's in Maryland. Michael: You can call. Can you call 'em? Dwight: I can't. I... I suppose I coul... no. They never really made me an offer anyway. Michael: Wohahah! Why are you torturing me?! God. Jim: Honestly, I don't think Michael has the slightest clue of who he's gonna fre. I think he keeps hoping that someone's going to volunteer. Uh, or be run over by a bus before the deadline. But in the end, really, what's going to happen is it's gonna be the first person to give him a dirty look in the hall. And therein lies the true essence of his charisma. Michael: [clearing his throat and interrupting Jim's talking head] Can I speak to you a minute? Jim: Um... yes. Jim: Michael, I really didn't mean to... Michael: Help. Me. Jim: I'm sorry? Michael: I want you to role play fring me. I want you to fre me, and I will take it. Jim: Oh, you want me to be you? Michael: Yes. Jim: Okay. Michael: I want you to be me, and I will be Creed. Jim: Oh, are you fring Creed? Michael: No, no, no. That's just the first thing... came... in head. Jim: We should switch seats in order to... Michael: Yes, that's a good idea. Jim: Alright. [they stand up] Excuse me.[They sit down] I'm really sorry, but I have to let you go. And it's purely budgetary. It's not personal... Michael: Aaaahh! I'm gonna kll myself! Jim: Wow. Michael: I'm going to kll myself, and it's your fault! Jim: That's an overreaction. Michael: Corporate is really breathing down my neck. And they're saying this has to be done by the end of the month. Jim: Is this you? Are you being you, or is this Creed? Are you... Michael: I... this is Creed. Jim: Okay. Michael: I'm improvising, so just try to keep up. [phone rings] Jim: Oh, hold that thought. Hold that thought. Michael: And I'm very angry, and I want... Jim: [picks up the phone] Michael Scott here. Michael: I'm gonna kll you. I'm going to kll you for fring me. Jim: Toby? Mm hmm. [looks back to Michael] I really have to take this Creed, so it was really worth... Michael: Get off, get off. No, no. OK.. just get off.[sits back down in his chair and waves Jim off.] Just, just... yeah. Pam: What happened? Jim: It wasn't me. Pam: Oh. That was like crazy. 'Cause I was... Jim: Yeah, I know. Michael: Uh, hey... Creed? Creed: Huh? Michael: Could I talk to you for a second? Michael: You are great. Very ambitious. And I feel like you want more than this little office has to offer. And I understand that you'd wanna just spread your wings, and fly the coop. Creed: What are you telling me? Michael: I... we're gonna have to... You... you want something better. Creed: No, I don't. I wanna stay right here. Michael: No, you wanna leave. Creed: No, I wanna stay here. Michael: Why... why are you making this so hard? Creed: Um, I think there's a misunderstanding, Michael. Michael: I think you're right. Creed: Can I go? Michael: No, of course you can't go. We haven't even started this horrible process of... okay, Creed. I need to let somebody go today. They told me I need to let somebody go. And as much as I think you're a great guy, and I like you, you're... you're, goodbye. Creed: Let's fight it. Michael: Hmm? Creed: Let's call Jan and fight this thing together like the old days. Michael: What old days? What are you talking about? Creed: Did you start the paperwork yet? Michael: It's right here on the desk, yeah. Creed: You don't have to do this, Michael. Michael: I can't, I can't... Creed: Undo it! Michael: I can't change anything. This is the way... Creed: No, you have the power to undo it. Michael: I don't... okay, just listen. Creed: Michael, undo it! Michael: Don't... Michael: Yeah, I went hunting once. sht the deer in the leg, had to kll it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask? Michael: I have to fre someone today, okay? Creed: Fine. fre someone else. f*re Devon. He's terrible. I am so much better at my job than Devon. Michael: Okay, well... I already picked you. And you know that. So, unless I just go through with this, you're always gonna look at me as the guy who almost fired you. Creed: No, no, no, no, no, no. I will forget so fast. You will be my savior. You're they guy who gave me my life back. Thank you. I knew you'd see it my way Michael. God Bless you. You're a fine man. Michael: Don't... Creed: Listen, you will not regret this either. Devon is terrible; No one's gonna miss him. Good, good, good. Michael: Devon, could I talk to you for a sec? Devon: Creed's an idiot, you know that. Michael: Well, he... Devon: No, no, no, no, no, no! You had it right the first time. Michael: Well, maybe I did. Devon: Exactly. You gotta go with your gut, man. Michael: Huh. No! I can't, no. I can't go back. I would look like an idiot. Devon: That's why I'm being fired? Michael: No. Devon: So you might not look like an idiot? Michael: No. It was all the stuff that I said. It was the business downturn, the cutbacks, and, and... Devon: This is unbelievable! Michael: I just hope that you and I can remain friends. Michael: Devon, wait, please. Devon: What! Michael: Look, look. In addition to severance, and everything, I want to give you this gift certificate to Chili's. From me. Okay? No hard feelings. Devon: [takes the gift certificate and tears it up] Kevin, Jim, Pam, Kelly, Toby, Oscar, Meredith, Phyllis, Stanley, or the temp. If any of you wanna meet me for a drink, I'm going to be at Poor Richard's. And the rest of you can go to hell! Angela: [watching nearly everyone leave] What about the Halloween party? Pam: Oh, hey, Jim. Wait, stop. Um, I'm sorry... for pushing you towards Cumberland. Seriously, if you left here, I would blow my brains out. Jim: [motions for her to follow him] Come on. Jim: That's just a figure of speech, you know? Blow your brains out? Come on. All it really means is that we're friends. Who else is she gonna talk to if I'm gone, right? I mean, if she left, I wouldn't blow my brains out. Of course, I would take that job in Maryland. Because it's double the pay, and soft shell crab just happens to be my favorite food. Michael: I love Halloween. You know, it's just, it's just fun. Every year, it's just fun. Last Halloween I came as Janet Jackson's boob. It was topical. People got a... a big kick out of it. The year before that, I came as Monica Lewinsky, and I wore a stained dress. The year before that, I also came as Monica Lewinsky. And before that, I was O.J. It was pretty funny. Oh, I wish you were here last year. Children: [ringing the doorbell of Michael's Condo] Trick or treat! Michael: He... Hey, hey, hey, hey! How you doing? Wow! You guys looks great. Kid: I'm a bumble bee. Michael: You look great! And you're a princess? Kid: A fairy princess. Michael: A fairy princess. You're very... . Kid: I'm a lion. Michael: You're a lion. [trying to to open a bag of candy] Wow, I want to hear your, your... Oh! [the bag tears open, spilling all the candy] Oh, okay, that's all yours. That's all yours. Grab it, grab it. You know what? You guys are getting all of these.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x05 - Halloween"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: Where is my desk? Jim: That is weird. Dwight: This is not funny. This is totally unprofessional. Jim: Ok, well, you're the one who lost the desk. Dwight: I didn't lose my desk. Jim: Okay, calm down. Where was the last place you saw it? Dwight: Okay, who moved my desk? Jim: I think you should retrace your steps. Dwight: Ok, I am going to tell Michael and this entire office will be punished! Jim: Colder... warmer... little warmer... there you go, ooh, warmer... warmer... warmer... warmer... warmer ... cold, cold, cold, back up... ooh, ooh, warmer, hot, red hot, hot, very hot. Dwight: [In bathroom, answers phone] Dwight Schrute. Jim: [On the phone with Dwight] Hi, Dwight, um, what sort of discounts are we giving on the 20 lb white model. Dwight: Jim, I've given you this information, like, twenty times. Jim: I know. Dwight: It's by the ream? Jim: Uh, yeah, ream. Dwight: ...now, $9.78, signs and discounts 7%. Jim: Ok, thank you, gotta get back to work. Dwight: Wash your hands, Kevin. Jim: [On the phone] Right, oh let me just check the pricing list. Hold on one second... Dwight: [Also on the phone] Sensei, hello it's Sempai... Jim: Umm... Dwight: Dwight... Jim: You know what, let me give you a call right back. I'm going to uh, find it and then I'll call you back, thanks. Dwight: Yes, I just had a ques-... Yes Sensei. Arigatou gozaimashita. Hai. Jim: Was that your mom? Dwight: No, that was my Sensei. Jim: Oh, I thought it was your mom. Dwight: I am now Sempai, which is Assistant Sensei. Jim: Assistant to the Sensei, that's pretty cool. Dwight: Assistant Sensei. Jim: Ok. Dwight: I am a practitioner of Goju Ru Karate, here in Scranton. My Sensei, Ira, recently promoted me to purple belt, and gave me the duties of a Sempai. Not that a lot of people here in America know what a Sempai is, but it is equally as respected as a Sensei. Stanley: I don't want to stay until seven again this year. Pam: I don't really have any control over that Stanley. Pam: Michael tends to procrastinate a bit whenever he has to do work. Umm, time cards, he has to sign these every Friday. Purchase orders have to be approved at the end of every month. And expense reports, all he has to do is initial these at the end of every quarter. But once a year, it all falls on the same Friday and that's today. I call it the Perfect Storm. Michael: [singing and tapping on his coffee mug] I don't want to work, I just want to bang on this mug all day. Ryan: Did you ask me here for any specific reason? Michael: Uhh, yes, I did, here's the dizzle. I have a very top secret mission for you. I want you to update all the emergency contact information. Ryan: Why is that secret? [Pam knocks and walks into Michael's office] Michael: [to Pam] Hello, oh God, busy work. Ahh, get away, cretin. Pam: Umm, I put stickers so you know where to sign. Michael: Yes, thank you. I know where to sign. Pam: It's just last year you... Michael: Last year they were out of order, weren't they Pam? Pam: Well, the last pick-up for overnight deliveries is at seven. So you need to have them signed by then. Or much earlier. Michael: Chillax, Pam. Stop Pam-M-S-ing. That's pretty good. Um, actually, I'm sending Ryan on a top secret mission. Tell her what it is. Ryan: Updating emergency contacts. Pam: Well, is that really a priority? Michael: Is it a priority? Oh I don't know, um, what if there is a tornado, Pam? People's legs are crushed under rubble. "Please, would you be so kind as to call my wife? No, I can't because we don't have any emergency contact information because Pam said it wasn't a priority." Think. Think with your head, Pam. Ok, well. She walks out. That's the problem with being a boss is that when you are tough they resent you and when you are cool they walk all over you. Ryan: Catch-22. Michael: Catch-22. Yes. Why don't you give me your contact information to start with, ok, what's your cell? Jim: Uh, Larissa Halpert. Ryan: What's her address? [Ryan's cell phone rings] Jim: 117 Mount Bergin St. Ryan: Hello? Michael: [in his office on his cell phone, talking in a fake high voice] Hey Ryan. This is Michael Jackson calling from Wonderland. Ryan: Do you mean Neverland? Michael: This is Tito. Ryan: What? Michael: Calling from... [Ryan hangs up] Pam: [Reading Jim's palm] You're major and minor lines cross at a ridge - that sucks. Jim: You making this up as you go along, aren't you? Pam: I am just following the website. Jim: Well, at least I don't have cavities. Pam: Yes, you have very nice teeth. Jim: Thanks. Ryan: Who is your emergency contact? [Ryan's phone rings] Kevin: Stacy. Ryan: [looks to see who is calling but doesn't pick up] Michael: [Taps on the glass in his office to get Ryan's attention] Pick up. Ryan: Hello? Michael: [in a high pitched voice] This is Mike Tyson. Jim: Hey, Dwight. As Sempai, do you think there is ever going to be a day where humans and robots can peacefully co-exist? Dwight: Impossible. The way they're programmed... You're mocking me. Jim: No I'm not. Dwight: Look, I'm going to offer you a little piece of advice. I'm not afraid to make an example out of you. Jim: Oh, that's not advice. What advice sounds like is this[/b]: umm, don't ever bring your purple belt to work because someone might steal it. [reveals Dwight's purple belt] Dwight: Ok, give that back to me. Jim: Ok, say please. Dwight: No. That is not a toy. Jim: Please? Dwight: Please? Jim: Good, and it absolutely is a toy. Arigatou. Dwight: Arigatou. This is not a toy. This is a message to the entire office so they can see that I am capable of physically dominating them. Michael: And this is more a ying-yang thing. The 'Michael' all cursive, the 'Scott' all caps. Left brain, right brain. Or, duality of man. Pam: Could you practice on the forms? Dwight: No women or children, unless provoked. Jim: Ok, Roy? Dwight: Warehouse guy. Doesn't count. Jim: Ok. Michael? Could you bat up Michael? Michael: Yeah, yeah, I don't think that would happen. Dwight: Because we're friends. Michael: Because I would kick his ass. Jim: Well, Dwight's a purple belt, so... Michael: So? I've beaten up black belts. Jim: Uh, how did you know they were black belts? Michael: They told me. After. You see, I used to run with a very tough crowd. Street Fighter types. Real, real bad people, I'm just lucky I got out. Ryan: Is your wife still your contact? Toby: Um, ex-wife. Yeah. Um, her last name is 'Becker' now. Ryan: 'Kay. Toby: You don't need to write 'ex'. Michael: And after that, nobody ever messed with the 'Damn Rascals' ever again. Jim: Sounds tough. When you're a Jet, [starts snapping] you're a Jet all the way, right? Michael: You were a Jet? Angela: Have you signed the expense reports yet? Michael: Yes, in theory, I have. I just need to cross some t's and dot some i's. Alright, I'm going to be in my office if anybody needs me. [Puts Dwight in a headlock] Hoo-hah. Oh, wow, sleeper hold. That's my rebuttal. Shhh. Hoo. You are the weakest link. Dwight: Argggg! Michael: I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends - I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late, and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments. And that's when it is nice to let them know that you can bat them up. Michael: Just ht me. You'll see. Jim: I can't. I just got a manicure. Michael: Oh, qeer... [realizes he is on camera] eye. qeer eye. That's a good show. Important show. Go ahead. Do it. Jim: Just have Dwight punch you. Michael: Oh yeah, that would be kind of worthless because I know a ton of fourteen year old girls who can kick his ass. Jim: You know a ton of fourteen year old girls? Dwight: What belt are they? Michael: Look, Dwight is a wuss. When we rented 'Armageddon'... Dwight: No! Michael: ... he cried at the end of it. He did. Dwight: Michael, I told you, it was because it was New Year's Eve and it began to snow at exactly midnight. Michael: Oh, Bruce Willis. Are they going to leave him on the asteroid? Dwight: Ok, I'll punch you. Michael: Ok, here we go. Alright, come on. Dwight: Kiyah! Michael: Fuuuaaaahhhhh... oohhhhh! Dwight: Did I want to harm Michael? The one man I've been hired to protect? No, I did not. Jim: Are you ok? Are you sure you are alright? Michael: Yeah. [Jim opens office door for Michael] Thank you. Dwight: I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World wr II veteran. klled 20 men then spent the rest of the wr in an Allied Prison Camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight. Jim: Ok, he has to be stopped. Please, please, please, please, just ask Michael. Pam: I don't know. Jim: Ok, I'll buy you a bag of chips. Pam: French Onion? Jim: Obviously. Pam: Ok. Jim: Yes. Dwight: [to Kevin, who he is teaching to fight] Take this pen and sab me with it. Michael: [Pam knocks on his door] Go away. Pam: I just have a quick question. Michael: I haven't signed them, ok? Pam: No, it's not that. Um, I was just wondering, since I'm probably going to have to stay late, could you ask Dwight to stay late too so he can walk me to my car? Michael: Come in. Um, Pam, I hate to break this to you but Dwight can't stop you from being mugged. He's just not tough enough. Pam: He's a purple belt. That's really high. Michael: Oh, I could bat up Dwight. That's ridiculous. I could mrder him. Pam: It's just out there, you... Michael: Oh, so that's what they are saying? Pam: Yeah. Michael: Ok, alright, where is Dwight? Jim: Uh, Kitchen. Michael: Ok. Kelly: Hi-yah! Dwight: Good. Kelly: Wow, that's actually pretty cool Dwight. Dwight: Now watch, let me take you from behind. Kelly: What? Michael: Watch out Kelly, he might sucker punch you. Dwight: I didn't sucker punch you, Michael. Michael: No, Really? Dwight: In case you remember, I was defending my honor... like a samurai. Michael: Really? Well, the offer, Dwight, was for one punch which I absorbed. I had no idea that there would be a second punch. So, catch-22. Dwight: Ok, fine. Tit for tit. Give it your best sht. Two punches. Go! Michael: Look, if we were in a bar right now, there would be two punches[/b]: me punching you and you hitting the floor. Dwight: No, I would block your first punch rendering it ineffective. Michael: Really? Dwight: Yeah. Michael: You know what? You're just lucky that we are at work right now. Jim: Ooh, what about, uh, Dwight's dojo? Michael: No, they must have class. Dwight: No, it's free during the day. It's fine. Michael: Look... Dwight: I've got the key. Toby: Michael... Michael: Hey, Toby. Toby: Any word on those time cards? Michael: I've got an idea[/b]: why don't you leave right now. Why don't you walk away from the room, 'kay? Fine. We'll go at lunch. Pam, make an announcement. Figure out carpools. Jim: Um, well, we are all getting excited to see this fight. The Albany branch is working right through lunch to prevent downsizing, but Michael, he decided to extend our lunch by an hour so we could all go down to the dojo and watch him fight Dwight. Fight... Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, I'm coming, fight... Michael: I recognize that. That is Japanese for California Roll. Ira: Uh, no, it's not. Michael: I think it is. A guy told me about that. Ira: Actually, it's a symbol for eternal discipline. Michael: Oh. Jim: [Reading Pam's palm, while she has on extremely padded gloves] Wow, that is really interesting. Pam: What? Jim: Your love line- I'm just kidding. I can't see anything. Pam: Well, look closer. Jim: [Jim moves his head closer and Pam taps him gently in the face] Oh, ok. Pam: Once point for me. Jim: [Gently taps Pam on the forehead] Tied up. Pam: Oh, you're dad. Jim: What, what are you going to do? Bring it, Beesley. Bring it. Oh yeah, good move. Not such an ultimate fighter now. Pam: Hey, put me down. Put me down. [Meredith turns and looks at Jim and Pam] Oh my god, hey, put me down. Hey... Ira: Ok, gentlemen, listen up. After a clean strike to the chest, stomach, or kidneys, I will separate you and award a point. The first person to three wins. Alright? Dwight: Yes, Sensei! Michael: Alotta rules. Alotta rules. On the street we didn't have any rules. Maybe one - no kicks to the groin, home for dinner. Ira: Shi mate! Dwight: Hiii! [kicks Michael] Michael: Hey! Ira: Alright, break. Michael: What the hell was that? Dwight: Yes! Ira: Dwight - awarded a point. Michael: No. Dwight: Eat it! Michael: Alright, that's the way you want it. Dwight: Two more. Michael: Play dirty, huh? Ok, game on, man. Kevin: Sweep the leg. Michael: I'm comin' atcha man. Ok, purple belt, ok. I got him. Dwight: No. Michael: I got his pants. Dwight: It was my pants. Ira: No points for pants. Michael: Dwight, you have... No, you have something... God, you look like such an idiot! [Lots of yelling and flailing of arms by Michael and Dwight] Ira: Clean single kick, gentlemen. Michael: Go on, I dare you to kick there again. Kick there again, I dare ya. Ira: Ok, break. Break. Dwight: No holding. Michael: You can't see. You can't see. Good boy. Good boy. Great boy. Two points, three points, four points. I win. I win. [Michael is using his head guard to ht Dwight] Eight points. Nine points. [Begins to hock a loogie] Dwight: No, stop it! Come on! Michael. Michael: Open your mouth. Dwight: No, Michael! Michael: You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? "Raging Bull." Pacino. Oh, I want that footage. I want it. I need it. Ah, I have to get back to work. I have lots of work... Oh, oh check this out. Come here. [Michael opens his blinds and looks at Ryan in the parking lot] There he is. Mr. Temp. Having lunch by the car. Let us play with him. This'll be hilarious. [Calls Ryan on the phone, Ryan doesn't pick up after seeing that Michael is calling] Oh, we're playing phone tag. Ryan's Voicemail: Seven new messages. First New Message. [Michael's voice] "Hi, Ryan. This is Saddam Hussein." Next new message. "Hi, Ryan. This is your girlfriend... and I'm mad!" Michael: My emergency contact is Todd Packer. Todd F. Packer. Do you know what the F. stands for? Ryan: Fudge? Michael: [knock at the door] Yeah... uh, come in. Oh, hey Karate Kid. The Hillary Swank version. Hi. How are ya? Dwight: I need to change my emergency contact information from Michael Scott. Ryan: Ok, to what? Dwight: Just put "The Hospital." Contact number[/b]: just put 9-1-1. [Dwight leaves] Michael: He is such a sore loser. You heard, obviously, that I mopped the floor with him this afternoon. You know what, um, do yourself a favor and just keep me as his contact and I will call the hospital. Cut out the middle man. Kevin: Later Jim. Jim: Later, Kev. [Puts French Onion Potato Chips on Pam's desk] Have a good weekend. Pam: Yeah, you too. Michael: [Knock at the door] Yeah. Ryan: I have the emergency contacts. Michael: Yeah, just throw them on the chair. I'll take it from here. So, whatcha up to this weekend? Ryan: Uh, hanging out with some friends, probably. Michael: If you're doing anything crazy, give me a shout. Ryan: Yeah, alright, I'll um, see you Monday. Michael: Alright, bye. Michael: Dwight? Angela: Michael, did you finish yet? Michael: This close. Dwight, may I speak with you for a minute? Dwight: I'm busy. Michael: Well, [points at himself] busier. Making the time. Stanley: Michael, can't your conversation wait till Monday. Toby: We want to go home. Michael: Well, you don't even have anyone to go home to, Toby. Pam: The shipping place closes in a half hour. Michael: I know, but I've been carrying the load on my back all day, and if everybody would just chip in a little bit, it'd might help me out. What do you say? Let's gngbng this thing and go home. Good? Dwight. Angela: This is illegal. Stanley: I don't care. Michael: I have been testing you the entire day. Did you know that? Dwight: Of course. Michael: And I am happy to say that you have passed. So effective immediately I am promoting you from Assistant to the Regional Manager to Assistant Regional Manager. Dwight: Michael, I don't know... Michael: I know, I know, I know, I wouldn't be offering it if I didn't think you could handle it. Dwight: I can handle it. I can. Wow. So I guess this will just be my office. Michael: No, no, title change only. Dwight: I'll have Pam send out a memo. Michael: No, no. Three month probationary period. Let's not tell anybody about this right now. Dwight: Just a formality. Michael: Absolutely but not really. Dwight: Michael, I have so much to learn from you. Michael: Yes you do. Dwight: Thank you, Sensei. Michael: And, ditto. Michael: I told Dwight that there is honor in losing. Which, as we all know, is completely ridiculous, but there is, however, honor in making a loser feel better which is what I just did for Dwight. Would I rather be feared or loved? Um, easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. And I think I proved that today at the dojo.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x06 - The Fight"}	foreverdreaming
Ryan: [entering office] Hey, have they left for the big meeting yet? I've got Michael's lucky tie. Jim: No. They're in the conference room. Ryan: Good. Pam: Wait, are those Michael's Levis? Ryan: Yeah, who dry-cleans jeans? Pam: Michael and his jeans. He gets in them, and I'm not exactly sure what happens. But I can tell you, he loves the way he looks in those jeans. I know that's why he started casual Fridays. Pam: [to Ryan] I'll take those. Thanks. [throws jeans under her desk] Jan: This is a projection of the county's needs... Michael: Wow, graphs and charts, somebody's really been doing their homework. Looks like USA Today. Jan: Thirteen schools, uh, two hospitals... Jim: So this possible client they're talking about, actually a big deal. It's Lackawanna County. Our whole county. And if we get this, they may not have to downsize our branch. And I could work here for years. And years. [groan] Years. Jan: So when we get to the Radisson, I'd like to, um- Michael: I changed it. To Chili's. Jan: Excuse me? Michael: Radisson just gives out this vibe, "Oh, I'm doing business at the Radisson". It's kind of snooty. So. Jan: You had no right to do that, Michael. Michael: Here's the thing. Chili's is the new golf course. It's where business happens. Small Businessman Magazine. Jan: It said that. Michael: It will. I sent it in. Letter to the editor. Jan: Alright. But you will let me run this meeting. Michael: Uh huh, uh huh. [under his breath] Power trip. Jan: What? Oscar: She had done a background check on me, she had it printed out. Jim: No... Oscar: Yeah. And she was asking me about stuff, line by line, while we were having dinner. Toby: That is unbelievable. Pam: What is going on? Jim: We are doing worst first dates. Pam: Oh my God, I win! Ok, it was a minor league hockey game. He brought his brother, and when I went to the bathroom, the game ended and they forgot about me. Oscar: Ok, that's a joke. Pam: No, they had to come back for me. Jim: Wait, when was this? Pam: Umm... it was not that long ago. Kelly: Wait, not Roy. Say it's not your fiance. [laughs] Jim: I always knew Pam has refused to go to sports games with Roy, but I never knew why. Interesting. Michael: Ok, let's do this thing. [to Pam] Wish us luck. Dwight: Good luck, Michael. Good luck, Jan. Jan: Thank you. Michael: [under his breath] Kiss ass. Ok, probably going to go late tonight. Burning the midnight tequila. So, I think you could all just take off now. Jan: Michael, shouldn't take more than an hour. Michael: Well... Jan: Do you always shut down the entire office when you leave for an hour? Michael: No, no. That would not be efficient. Actually, they just don't get very much work done when I'm not here. [Jan stares at Michael] That's not true. I know how to delegate, and they do more work done when I'm not here. Not more. The same amount of work is done, whether I am here or not. [another Jan stare] Hey, everybody, listen up. This is what we're gonna do. You sit tight, until I return. Sound good? Doesn't matter, it's an order. Follow it blindly, mwahahaha, ok? Alright, ciao. [to Oscar] Adios! Jan: So which way is Chili's? Michael: Uh, I'll drive. Jan: Oh, no, that's alright. I wanna leave straight from there. Michael: It's just a couple blocks away, so... boy, you really don't know Scranton, do you? Jan: I know Scranton. Michael: At all! Jan: Alright. Michael: You ever been to Scranton, Jan? Dar de- Jan: If it's a couple blocks away- Michael: Dar de dar. Jan: Ok. Michael: Jan Levinson-Gould. Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn't moving, you might think she was dad. Michael: We should come up with a signal of some sort. Jan: Why would we need a signal? Michael: Well, in case one of us gets into trouble, the other one can signal- Jan: What kinda trouble are you planning on getting in, Michael? Michael: Well, I... it could be either of us. Jan: You're gonna let me do the talking, we agreed on that. Michael: Yeees. Michael: Hello? Christian? Christian: Yes. Michael: Thought that was you. Hi. Michael Scott. This is Jan Levinson-Gould. Jan: Just Jan Levinson. Michael: No Gould? Jan: No. [To Christian] Thank you very much for meeting with us. Have you been waiting long? Christian: No, not long. Michael: Uh, Jan, what happened? Jan: Michael. Michael: Is Gould dad? What uh- Jan: Michael, we got divorced, ok? [to Christian] I'm so sorry. Excuse me. Michael: Wow, you're kidding me! Do you wanna talk about? Jan: Michael. [to hostess] Uh, could we have a table for three, please? Michael: When did this happen? Jan: We're in a meeting. Michael: Ok. Hostess: This way, please. Jan: Christian. Michael: Alright, after you. Christian: Thank you. Michael: [mouths "Wow" to the camera] Jan: I thought we could start by going over the needs of the county. Christian: Right. Well, Lackawanna County has not been immune to the slow economic growth over the past five years. So for us, the name of the game is budget reduction- Michael: Awesome blossom. Jan: What? Michael: [to Christian] I think we should share an Awesome Blossom, what do you say? They are awesome. Want to, Christian, blossom? Christian: Sure. Michael: Ok, it's done. Actually, [turns around] Megan, may we have an Awesome Blossom, please, extra awesome? Now it's done. Jan: So- Michael: I heard a- Jan: If you have a- Michael: Very very funny joke the other day. Wanna hear it? Jan: Christian, you don't have to listen to this. Christian: It's ok, I like jokes. Michael: Ok. Jan: Just the one. Michael: Just one joke. Ok. Well, if it's just gonna be one, I will think of a different joke. Umm... let's see... choo choo choo. Pam: Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam. Michael: Pam, it's Michael. I need you to go into my office and check some data for me. Pam: [to Michael on speakerphone] Ok, you want me to read 'em? Michael: Yes. Pam: Ok. Um, a fisherman is walking down Fifth Avenue walking an animal behind him- Michael: No. Pam: When- Michael: Nope. Told it. Not as good as you think. Pick another one. Pam: Ok. There's a transcript between a naval ship- Michael: Oh ho ho, yea! Bingo! And a lighthouse. Yes. That is hysterical. Could you start that one from the beginning? Pam: Sure. There's a transcript between a naval ship and a lighthouse. Jim: Is this real? [Pam dumps Michael's screenplay on Jim's desk] Pam: It is a screenplay. Starring himself. Jim: Agent Michael Scarn. Pam: Of the FBI. Jim: How long is this? [flips through pages] Oh, Pam. Good work! Oop, wait, stop. Drawings. Pam: What is that? Jim: Oh, those are drawings. In case the writing didn't really put a picture in your head. And there he is, in the flesh, Agent Michael Scarn. Now we know what he looks like. Michael: First guy says "Well, I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn". And the second guy says, "Well, I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort". And the third guy says "I gotcha both bat, I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe". Christian: Ohhh no! [laughs] Oh my God, that's funny! I almost had Awesome Blossom coming out of my nose! Jan: [to waitress] Excuse me, could I have a vodka tonic, please? Jim: Do we all have our copy of "thrat Level: Midnight", by Michael Scott? Everyone: Yeah, yeah. Jim: Alright, let's get this started. I'm gonna be reading the action descriptions, and Phyllis, I would like you to play Catherine Zeta Jones. Phyllis: That's the character's name? Jim: Oh yeah- Dwight: Ok, you guys should not be doing this. Jim: Why not, Dwight? This is a movie. I mean, this is for all of America to enjoy. Dwight: You took something that doesn't belong to you. Jim: Dwight- Dwight: Brought it in here- Jim: Do you want to play- Dwight: Made copies of it- Jim: The lead role of Agent Michael Scarn? Michael: [making the mouth on his tie talk] Yum! Yum yum yum! [Christian laughs] That's delicious! I love it! Jan: We would probably be upset with ourselves if we went this whole night without talking business, so, Dunder-Mifflin can provide a level of personal service to the county that the warehouse chains just can't match. Christian: Well, we are out to save money. Jan: What's the bottom line? Michael: Bop! Be blah bop, be boo boo bop. Michael: That's why I wanted a signal, between us, so that I wouldn't have to just shout non-sense words. That's her fault. Michael: Did somebody say "baby back ribs"? Hmmm? Hmmmmm? Jan: I don't think Christian has time for that. Christian: I have time. Michael: [singing] I want my baby back, baby back, baby back [Christian laughs] Michael and Christian: [singing] I want my baby back, baby back, baby back- Michael: [singing] Chili's baby back ribs... Jim: [reading the screenplay] Inside the FBI, Agent Michael Scarn sits with his feet up on his desk. Catherine Zeta Jones enters. Phyllis: Sir, you have some messages. Dwight: Not now! Phyllis: They're important. Dwight: Ok, what are they? Phyllis: First message is[/b]: "I love you". That's from me. Dwight: Not in a thousand years, Catherine. We work together. And get off my desk! Dwight: Yes, I have acted before. I was in a production of "Oklahoma" in the seventh grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids, so they made up roles like that. I was good. Dwight: If it isn't my old partner, Samuel L. Chang. Ryan: Agent Michael Scarn, you lost some weight. Dwight: Thank you for noticing. Now keep me company for one more mission. [Pam gets up to talk to Roy] Pam: Hey, uh, I have to work late. Roy: [looks around conference room] You're joking right? Jim: Michael Scarn takes out a nine-millimeter gn and sh*t the- Dwight: Pow! Pow! Pow! Ryan: Hahaha, Agent Michael Scarn, you so funny. Word. Kevin: Michael's movie? Two thumbs down. [Smiles] Heh. Jim: A man sitting several seats down, who has a gold face, turns to Michael Scarn. [out of character] Uh... Ooh, Oscar, you wanna play Goldenface? Oscar: Mr. Scarn, perhaps you would be more comfortable in my private jet? Dwight: Yes, perhaps I would, Goldenface. Sam, get my luggage. Ryan: I forget it, brutha. Dwight: Samuel, you are such an idiot, you are the worst assistant ever. And you're disgusting, Dwigt. [out of character] Wait, who's Dwigt? Pam: Here's what we think happened. Michael's sidekick, who all through the movie is this complete idiot who's causing the downfall of the United States, was originally named Dwight. But then Michael changed it to Samuel L. Chang using a search and replace, but that doesn't work on misspelled words, leaving behind one Dwigt. And Dwight figured it out. Oops. Dwight: D-W-I-G-H-T. Dwight: Ok, you know what? I am done with this. That's it, the end. Jim: Well, some of us wanna keep reading, so- Dwight: Uh, you don't speak for everyone, Jim. Ok, announcement. My uncle bought me some fireworks. Anyone who wants to see a real show, come with me outside now. Jim: That's actually a good idea. We'll all take a brief intermission. [To Pam] Hey, are you hungry? Pam: Yeah. Jim: Yeah? Christian: So after watching my mom go through so much pain, I decided to keep that promise, that I made to her, and take care of her. Michael: Woo, well, this brings us to Jan. Truth or Dare? Tell us about your divorce. Ohh, ohh. Jan: Oh no, Michael, Michael, please. No, really. Michael: Oh, so you're not gonna play? She's not playing. Christian: It's not fair. Michael: She's not playing the game. Jan: We'd been fighting for a while- Michael: Check please. Jan: He didn't want kids, but I knew that going into it. But he also knew that I did. I guess I thought that he would change his mind; he thought that I would change mine. Christian: You didn't. Jan: I was stupid. Michael and Christian: No. Michael: No, you were not stupid. Gould was stupid. Right? Christian: That's right. Michael: You know? Christian: You were really brave! You, you put your arms out there, you slit your wrists. Michael: It's true. Christian: You said "World, this is my blood! It's red, just like yours. So love me!" Jim: I had plans to meet a friend tonight. Which I had to cancel. But this is cool, too. I'm not a complainer. Jim: [Pam lights a candle] Wow. Pam: For the bugs. Jim: Nice. That's excellent, because bugs love my famous grilled cheese sandwich. Pam: Yes... nice! I can't remember the last time someone made me dinner. Christian: Right down the street? Michael: Uh huh, Kenneth Road, born and raised. Spent my whole life right here in Lackawanna County and I do not intend on movin'. I know this place. I know how many hospitals we have, I know how many schools we have. It's home, you know? I know the challenges this county's up against. Here's the thing about those discount suppliers. They don't care. They come in, they undercut everything, and they run us out of business, and then, once we're all gone, they jack up the prices. Christian: I know. Michael: It's bad. Christian: It's terrible. Michael: It, you know what, it really is. Jan: Uh- [Michael signals for her to shh] Christian: I don't know. I guess I could give you guys our business, but you have to meet me half way, ok, because they're expecting me to make cuts. Michael: Well, corporate's gonna go ballistic, but, uh, you think we could Jan? Jim: So, I guess I'll see you in [looks at watch] ten hours. Pam: What are you going to do with your time off? Jim: Travel. I've been looking forward to it. It's gonna be... really nice. Gonna find myself. Pam: [points to Jim's iPod] You have new music? Jim: Yeah. [Pam puts her hand out for an earbud] Definitely. Michael: [waving to Christian] See ya. Jan: Bye... thanks. [pumps fist] Yes! Michael: We did it! Jan: We got it! Michael: Nailed it. Nailed it! Come here. Jan: I am really- [Michael kisses Jan] Thrilled. [Michael and Jan kiss again] Let's go. Michael: What!? Jan: Let's go. Michael: Goin'. Ok. Where we goin'? Doesn't matter. Goin' to the go go. [nervous laugh] Oh-ok. Dwight: [waking up on office couch] Michael? Michael? [goes into Michael's office] Michael? [looks out Michael's window] His car's not in the parking lot. I should check the accident reports. [taxi pulls into Dunder-Mifflin parking lot] Who's this? Jan? Michael: Morning, Pam. Hey. Michael: No, nothing happened. I-I swear, nothing happened. What, I'm, totally being serious. A gentleman does not kiss and tell, and neither do I. [laughs] No, seriously, guys, I'm not, I don't want to go into it at all. It's off limits. Fine, I took her back to her hotel and we made out for a little while. It was great. I mean she told me about her divorce, we talked for about five hours, she fell asleep on my arm. So. Michael: Hello, Dwight. Dwight: Did you do her? Michael: Who. Dwight: Jan Levinson-Gould. Michael: Uh, no, no, no Gould. Dwight: Did you do her? Michael: This is none of your affair because she is your boss- Dwight: And she is your boss. Michael: And she is a woman. She is a strong, soft, thoughtful, sexy woman. And you know what? I don't think that I can sit here and let you talk about her that way without me defending her honor. [to camera] Jan, I defend your honor. [to Dwight] Is that all? Jim: Jan didn't come back for her car last night. Pam: What!? Jim: Could it be that Agent Michael Scarn has finally found his Catherine Zeta? Pam: Oh, I don't know... [Jim laughs, phone rings] Oh my God. This is Jan's cell. Jim: No way. Pam: Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam. Michael: I know we have to register as a consensual sexual relationship with HR. My question[/b]: do I do it as the man? Does she do it as my superior? I don't know. That leads to other issues that we may have in our relationship. It's, uh, [phone rings] Excuse me. Hello? Hi! Just talking about you. The camera? No. Uh huh. How's traffic? I miss you. What. Ok. Well, if it was a mistake, it was a wonderful mistake. No. [to camera] Would you excuse me? [to Jan] No, I did not intentionally get you drunk. Um hmm. No, no. [goes under his desk] This is just a fight. This is just a first fight of many fights we're gonna have. Right. No. Wha-so-I don't understand, you wanna see other people. Only other people. Wh-why, ok, I think you're still a little bit drunk [to camera which is now under desk] Excuse me? Excuse me?! [to Jan] I think you're, yes, why don't you just come back here, go to the hotel, have a few drinks and-no, no. I didn't slip you something! Jim: Some might even say that we had our first date last night. Pam: Oh, really? Jim: Really. Pam: Why might some say that? Jim: Cause there was dinner, by candlelight. Pam: Uh hmm. Jim: Dinner and a show, if you include Michael's movie. [Pam nods reluctantly] And there was dancing and fireworks. Pretty good date. Pam: We didn't dance. Jim: You're right, we didn't dance. It was more like, swaying. But still romantic. Pam: Swaying isn't dancing. Jim: Least I didn't leave you at a high school hockey game. Pam: I have some faxes to get out. Jim: Oh, come on, Pam. I- Jim: Ok, we didn't dance. I was totally joking anyway. I mean, it's not really a date if the girl goes home to her fiance. Right?	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x07 - The Client"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: [bouncing on an exercise ball] You should get one of these. Jim: No. Thank you. Dwight: Do you even know what this is? It is a fitness orb and it has completely changed my life. Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts. Jim: Done. Dwight: This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core. [knocks things around Jim's desk] Sorry. Jim: S'ok. Dwight: Numerous health benefits, strengthens your back, better performance in sports, more enjoyable sex. Jim: You're not having sex. Dwight: Plus, improves your reflexes [knocks over more stuff] see, I would have caught that. Jim: Ok, you know what, uh, how much is that? Dwight: It's only twenty-five bucks. Jim: Wow. Um, ok. [pops Dwight's orb with scissors] Michael: Pam, could I see you in my office? Pam: It's performance review day, company-wide. Last year, my performance review started with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were, and it ended with him telling me he could bench-press 190 pounds. So, I don't really know what to expect. Michael: Pam, you're trustworthy- Pam: Thank you. Michael: And a woman- Pam: Oh, no. Michael: And I want you to listen to a voicemail from my boss. [Jan on recording] "Michael, it's Jan. I guess I missed you. I'll, uh, be there this afternoon for performance reviews. I hope it's understood that that will be our only topic of discussion. See you soon." First impressions? Pam: Uh, just off the top... I think she'll be here this afternoon. Michael: My boss is coming in today, the lovely Jan Levinson-Gould will, well, no Gould. The Gould has been [makes slashing neck hand motion] swack, divorced. Um, the awkward part is that this will be the first time that we'll be seeing each other since, well, uh, it was really nothing. We just sort of got caught up in the moment. The vulnerable divorcee gives herself to the understanding, with rugged good-looks, office manager. Just, uh, she didn't want it to continue for some reason. It, we both, I didn't want it, we both didn't want it to continue. Was not professional. Um, when people say something's mutual, it never is. But this was mutual. Michael: [playing Jan's message] "I guess I missed you." I guess I missed you. So, she misses me? Pam: She missed you. Michael: But then she goes on to say "that will be our only topic of discussion". That doesn't mean anything, those are just words. Pam: I have one idea of what it means. Michael: Ok. Yeah, what, what? Pam: Well I don't think you're gonna be very happy with this. Michael: Ohhh, great. Well, now I'm in a terrible mood. Let's do your performance review- Pam: Because she's conflicted. She has to be professional, but she's fighting feelings... for you. Michael: Ah, why, that's great news? That, that, then why would, why would I not like that? Pam: Um, just cause, that, you work together, and it might be awkward. Michael: Oh, wow, wow. Alright, let's listen to that again. [plays Jan's message] "Michael, it's Jan. I guess I missed you". Dwight: Oh, hey, listen, Jim. Here's a little tip for your performance review. Jim: Ok. Dwight: Tell Michael that we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed manila file folders. Jim: We don't have double-tabbed manila file folders. Dwight: Oh, yes, we do. Jim: No, we don't. Dwight: Yeah, it's a new product. So, you should just suggest that to him and he'll be sure to give you a raise. Jim: Alright... well, I'm not asking for a raise. I'm gonna actually be asking for a pay decrease. Dwight: Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you? Jim: I win. Dwight: Ugh, you know what? I am going to zone you out for the rest of today. I need to stay focused, and I don't have to see you tomorrow or Sunday and please don't call me, and we'll see how things go on Monday. Uh, stupid. Jim: Wait, wait; one thing. Uh, by tomorrow, you mean Saturday, right? Dwight: Uh, duh. Jim: Duh. Jim: Today is Thursday. But Dwight thinks that it's Friday. And that's what I'll be working on this afternoon. Stanley: Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words. Michael: Really? Stanley: Oh, yes. Let's listen to it again. And this time, really listen to the pauses. Michael: God, Stanley, that's frickin' brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets? Sorry. Stanley: Oh, no, that's ok. I did learn it on the streets. On the ghetto, in fact. Michael: No kidding. Stanley: It's all about my bonus. Pam: Michael and Jan definitely made out. Jim: Ohh... Pam: Maybe more. Jim: Eck!... Oh! Also, it is Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday. So, keep that goin'. Pam: Oh, yea! Michael: Good work, Stanley. Great performance review. Stanley in the house, everybody. Woo! Angela, your turn. Angela: I actually look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit. And I enjoyed that quite a bit. I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny. Pam: Michael? Michael: Yeah? Pam: Jan's on the phone for you. Michael: Oh; Angela, you were totally satisfactory this year. Michael: Interesting. Jan is calling me. Maybe it wasn't so mutual after all. [puts Jan on speakerphone] Yeah? Jan: Michael. Michael: Jan! To what do I owe this pleasure? Jan: I am returning your many calls. Michael: Well, hello to you, too. Um, yeah, I was just um, I just wanted to get some closure on uh, what transpired between us at the meeting we had in the parking lot of the Chili's. Jan: No. No, we won't be discussing that, Michael. The only things I wanna talk about during your performance review are your concrete ideas to improve your branch. Michael: Well, surely this uh, review is a formality because of what happened uh, at our meeting in the parking lot of Chili's. Jan: Uh, your review is anything but a formality, Michael. Michael: Oh. Jan: I expect you to forget anything that you think may have happened between us and exhibit completely professional behavior. Michael: Been thinking about you. Jan: Ok, that is an example of completely unprofessional behavior. Michael: Um, I don't see how that's unprofessional. Just- Jan: Michael. Michael: Yep. Jan: Are the cameras with you... Michael: No. Jan: ...in your office? Michael: They are not. Yes, they are. [Jan hangs up] That's my girlfriend. Kevin: I heard they made out and had sex. Oscar: No, they just made out. That's it. Kevin: Well, I heard they made out and had sex. Angela: Don't talk about it. Office romances are nobody's business but the people involved. Kevin: Romances? Michael: Pam, I have ideas on a daily basis. I know I do. I have a clear memory of telling people my ideas. Um, is there any chance you wrote any of my ideas down? In a folder? A "Michael-idea" folder? Pam: Sorry. Michael: That's unfortunate. How 'bout the suggestion box? There's tons of ideas in there. Pam: What suggestion box? Michael: The suggestion box that I put out, and people could be put in suggestions anonymously? Maybe there's prizes? Pam: Oh, yeah. Uh, I think I remember that from back from when I first started. Michael: Why don't you find it and tell people to get theirs... never mind, I'll tell them. Hello, everybody? Yeah, uh, attention, please. Jan Levinson's coming, very soon, and so, we're going to have our weekly suggestion box meeting, so you can all get your constructive compliments in a.s.a.p. Ryan: Don't you mean constructive criticism? Michael: What did I say? Kelly: You said "constructive complements"; that doesn't make any sense. Michael: Well, Kelly, that was neither constructive nor a compliment, so maybe you should stop criticizing my English and start making some suggestions. 'K? Jim: [on phone] Hey, Dan, this is Jim, and it is about 11:15, and I wanted to know what you were up to tomorrow, which is the fifteenth, and that is a... Dwight: Saturday. Jim: [pumps fist] ...Saturday, so just let me know what you're doing tomorrow, Saturday, for lunch. Ok, talk to you soon. Jan: [on phone] We'll address this in the meeting then. Ok. Ok, bye-bye. [to Pam] Could you please tell Michael that I'm here? Pam: Sure. Michael: Hi, Jan. How are you? Jan: I'm good; how are you? Michael: Good to see you. Jan: Nice to see you. Michael: Ok. [tries to kiss Jan's hand] Ok, why don't we just step into my office? We're gonna go in here. Jan: Can we please go in your office? Michael: Yep, right after you. Apres-vous. [mouths to Pam] No calls. Kevin: Oooo. Michael: Alright [takes Jan's coat]. Jan: Thank you. Michael: It's nice to see you. Jan: Nice to see you too, Michael. Michael: Really? Jan: Not like that. Michael: Oh, well. Jan: You know Michael, I think I need to make something clear right off the top. I'm not going to discuss anything with you other than Dunder-Mifflin business. Michael: Alright. Jan: Period. Michael: Yep. Jan: Do we understand each other. Michael: Absolutely. Michael: I'm a little confused. 'Cause first it's all like kissy-kissy. And then it's like all regret. Because "Oh, I regret that." But, "Wait, I'm still gonna call you." But, but, "We're just gonna talk business. And I may come down and fre you if you don't do your job." But what were talking about when we first kissed? Business. Jan: So are you still in the middle of the performance reviews then? Michael: No, no, no, I finished all of that. I'm very fast. I'm not too fast. Not like wham-bam-thank ya ma'am. But I do say thank ya ma'am. But, I'm, I'm not like wham-bam. Not that there's anything wrong with wham-bam. If it's consensual. [cold Jan stare] We're talking about office stuff. Can I ask you a question? Jan: No. Michael: This is a business question. It's nothing personal, I promise. Jan: Fine. Michael: Are you wearing a new perfume today? Jan: How is that a business question? Michael: Well, you're wearing it at the office. And [smells Jan] it, I'm sorry, but no offense, but it's really sexy. Jan: Please don't smell me, Michael. Pam: Hey, Jim. Jim: Hey, how's it goin'? Pam: Oh my God, did you see "The Apprentice" last night? Jim: Course, it's on every Thursday night, so how could I miss it? Pam: Can you believe who Trump fired? Jim: No, that was unbelievable. Dwight: Who? Who was it? Who did he fre? Pam: You didn't see it? Dwight: No, I went out and got drunk with my laser tag team last night. Crap! I never go out on a Thursday night; what the hell was I thinking? Michael: I don't understand- [phone rings] Hold on. Sorry. [answers] Yes, Pam. Pam: Michael, it's time for the suggestion box meeting. Michael: I'm kind of in the middle of something. I wish you wouldn't interrupt. Pam: You told me to buzz you about the suggestion box meeting when Jan was here. Michael: I did not, not, not use those words. Jan: Uh, I'd like to sit in on that meeting [to Pam] is it happening right now? Michael: No, it's in like ten minutes. Pam: Everyone's waiting in the conference room. Jan: Great. Very good. Michael: Why are we here? Because I value your opinions. Now, I know a lot of don't think that I read your suggestions, but I do. I just sift through them every week and I really look and scrutinize to see what you guys are writing. Um, so, let's, uh, just read some of these suckers. Alright. Number one[/b]: "What should we do to prepare for Y2K?" Dwight: What should we do to prepare for Y2K? Kelly: I thought you read these every week. Michael: Well, obviously this one got stuck in the box. [to Jan] That happens occasionally. Dwight: It happens occasionally. Michael: And, um, one down. Next suggestion[/b]: "we need better outreach for employees fighting depression". Ok, alright, enough with the jokes. Nobody in here is suffering from depression. Jan: That sounds serious, Michael. Michael: Oh, ok, well, yeah, who wrote it? Dwight: Tom? Michael: Tom. Then it is a joke because there is nobody in here named Tom. Phyllis: Tom? He worked in accounting up until about a year ago. [blank stares] Tom? [acts like she's sh*ting herself in the head] Pow. Michael: Oh, that guy? That guy was weird. Alright, next suggestion. Dwight: Next suggestion. Michael: Arrr, dooby dooby do. "You need to do something about your B.O." Dwight: You need to do something about your B.O. Michael: Ok, I don't know who this suggestion is meant for, but it's more of a personal suggestion and it's not an office suggestion. Far be it for me to use this as a platform to embarrass anybody. Toby: Aren't the suggestions meant for you? Michael: Well, Toby, if by me you are inferring that I have B.O., then I would say that is a very poor choice of words. Creed: Uh, Michael, he wasn't inferring, he was implying. You were inferring. Michael: Was I, Creed?! Ok, well, you know what? I am implying is that when we're on an elevator together, I should maybe take the stairs, because talk about tnk. Not that I would ever say something like that in public, and I never have, and I never will. I just think it's something that we should all be aware of. Ok? Now that we've learned this, let's continue. See, this is good, we're learning and we're figuring some stuff out. "You need to do something about your coffee breath"- Dwight: You need- Michael: Ok. Dwight: To do something about- Michael: Shut up, shut up, shut up, Dwight, OK. I don't think you people are grasping the concept of the suggestion box. Angela: Sometimes you talk to us real close. Michael: Yeah, is that hard for you? Alright, well- Angela: Well, when you have coffee breath- Michael: I'll work on that- Angela: It's hard. Michael: Let's keep going. Keep it going. Yep. What do we have here? We have somebody's piece of gum. Somebody put a piece of gum in there. This is not a, a garbage can, this is the future of our company. This is not a place for gum. I don't wanna have to read these tomorrow. Dwight: Yeah, who wants to come in on a Saturday? Michael: Yeah, what? Uh, alright, next suggestion. Dwight: Next suggestion. Michael: "Don't sl-", ok, that's blank [Dwight picks up note] Don't, just put it- Dwight: "Don't sleep with your boss"? Do you think this is referring to you boning Jan? Jan: I can't, I can't- Michael: I don't understand why you're so upset. Jan: Please sit down. Michael: Let me ask you- Jan: You're gonna sit here and I'm gonna go sit over there. Michael: Ok, let me ask you this. Jan: Please, sit yourself down. Michael: Let me ask you something. Jan: What, Michael. Michael: Where did you get your outfit? Dwight: [loud metal music playing in a stairwell; Dwight pacing] You are giving me this raise! I deserve this raise! [plays air guitar] Yes! [kicks] Yes! Yes! Hiya! The least you can do is keep my salary consistent with inflation! Keeya eyah! Yes! Why are you gonna give me this raise? Why? Because... I'm awesome! I am awesome! Michael: I just don't understand why you have to pretend like nothing happened. Jan: Because nothing did, Michael. It, I'm not going to say anything more about it, and I would advise that you do the same Michael: Look- Dwight: Michael? Michael: Oh my God... Dwight: I'm sorry, am I interrupting? Oh God; were you guys making out? Jan: No, Dwight; come in. Dwight: Great. Michael: What do you want Dwight? Dwight: I am ready for my performance review. Michael: Ok, great. Your performance has been adequate. You may leave; goodbye. Jan: Is this how you've been conducting all the reviews, Michael? Michael: You wanna talk now, good; OK, Dwight, leave. Dwight: Uh, wait, I would like to discuss my raise? Michael: Why on earth would we give you a raise? Dwight: That is an excellent question. Thank you for asking. Let me bring up one word[/b]: dedication. [points to graphs] I have never been late. Also, I have never missed a day due to illness. [Michael sighs] Even when I had walking pneumonia. I even come in on holidays. Michael: You do? How do you get in? Dwight: I have a copy of your key. Jan: That's a serious offense! Michael: That is a serious offense. Very serious. As is toying with a man's heart. Jan: Oh! Michael, for God sakes! Dwight: I'd also further like to talk about my merits in the workplace. Michael: Ok, third wheel, why don't you do that? Dwight: For instance, the time I brought in deer jerky for the whole office. Michael: That was deer!? Gross, oh! Dwight: You liked it! Michael: Oh, did not! Dwight: Jan, have you ever had deer? Jan: No. Dwight: It's a delicacy. And you know what? It's an aphrodisiac. So when we're done here, you guys could go over to The Antler Lodge, sample some deer and talk about my raise. Michael: What do you say, Jan? Jan: Ok! Here's what I'm gonna do[/b]: I'm gonna step outside, collect my thoughts, and I will return in about ten minutes. Michael: Ok. You just, uh, clear your head. Jan: [Dwight opens door] Thank you, Dwight. Jan: Look, I know it's your job, I know you have to ask, but I promise you, I'm not gonna discuss it with him, I'm certainly not gonna discuss it with you. [digs a cigarette out of her purse] Do you have a light? Dwight: And in conclusion, I think that Lex Luthor said it best when he said "Dad, you have no idea what I'm capable of". Michael: That's from Superman? Dwight: Smallville. And that is why, I feel, that I deserve this raise. Pam: Do you think Michael and Jan actually... Jim: I don't really wanna picture it. But thank you, Pam. Pam: How do you come back from that? Jim: Um, you don't, I don't think, come all the way back, you know. Especially working together. Pam: No, I mean doing that with Michael. How do you come back from that? Jim: Oh- Pam: As a human being. Jim: Yeah, no, I don't think you can. Jan: I'm heading back to New York; Alan and I will conduct your performance review over the phone tomorrow. Michael: Wait. Jan: 'K? Michael: Wait, wait, wait, come, I just, I just wanna know why? Jan: Michael, now is not the time or the place. Michael: Ok, so you're saying that there is a different time or place? Jan: No, I am saying we are never having this conversation. Michael: Well, ok, well never as in 'never ever ever', or never as in there's still a chance? Jan: Never, for me, always means 'never ever ever.' Michael: I just want to know, from the horse's mouth, what is the dealio? Jan: Michael, it has nothing- Michael: Am I too short? Jan: With your looks, ok? It's your personality. I mean, you're obnoxious, and rude, and, and, and stupid, and you do have coffee breath, by the way, and, and I don't agree about the b.o., but you are very, very inconsiderate. Michael: Really? Jan: Really. You're, you're, you're a great guy, ok? Michael: I appreciate that, thank you. Jan: And you were very sweet, and you stayed up with me and talked with me, cried with me, and I appreciate that- Michael: No, I wasn't, I didn't cry- Jan: At this time in my life. I just am not in the place right now where I'm looking for a relationship, so we can still work together, we can still be friends but... ok? Michael: So my looks have nothing to do with it? Jan: Ohhh, God. Michael: Jan is not in a place where she feels she can have a relationship right now. And it doesn't matter how great a guy I am. And that is all I needed; I'm good. I can go home now. Michael: Hey, it's 12:20; where the hell's Dwight? Jim: Ummm... no idea. Michael: Never missed a day, my ass. Pam: [Jim bows to Pam; she bows back] Thank you. Dwight: [running through parking lot] I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! It's ok!	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x08 - Performance Review"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: It is Friday morning and it is another beautiful day in Scranton, Pennsylvania. [sees man in a turban outside] Oh my God. Ohhh. [dials phone number] Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. Oh, we have a serious problem here. [goes out onto office floor] Alright everybody, lock the doors, turn off the lights. Pretend you're not here. Jim: Are we in danger? Michael: There's no time to think about if this is real. Just, shh, everybody. [knock at the front door] Kevin: Michael, should I call the... [Michael waves his hands] What? Michael: The IT tech guy and me did not get off to a great start. Michael: Yeah, I tried to install it myself, but, uh, you guys have these things so password-protected... Sadiq (IT guy): That just means you have to enter your password. Michael: Oh... Sadiq (IT guy): What's your password, Michael? Michael: Oh, umm... [looks at Post-It on computer] Sadiq (IT guy): Oh, it's 1-2-3. Michael: Yes. Dwight: Mi- Michael: AH! Guh-oood. Dwight: Sorry. Michael: Please don't do that. Dwight: Ok, I'm sorry. What is going on in there? Why is he here? What are you doing? Michael: I can't tell you. Dwight: You have to tell me. Michael: I don't have to tell you anything. Dwight: Look, Michael, I know you don't want to have to think about this, but if something were to happen to you, God forbid, then I would need to know in order to take over. Michael: Dwight, nothing is going to happen to me, ok? I'm in the best shape of my life. Look at this. [flexes his arms] Brrr! That's strong! Dwight: Yeah, but that doesn't matter, you could get a brain aneurysm- Michael: I'm not going get a brain- Dwight: Or get ht by a car- Michael: Stop it. Dwight: Or a bus or a train. Get poisoned, fall in a well, step on a mine, choke. Michael: Uh, oh, ok; if I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania, and die, you can have my job, ok? Why don't you just go... away? Michael: There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them. His bed, it--- And I am not going to tell them that I'll be reading their e-mails. Michael: So how do you search? Sadiq (IT guy): By keyword phrase. Michael: Try "profits". No! Try "Michael Scott". "Michael" "boss" and "funny". [Sadiq (IT guy) types; result pops up] Oh my God, wow! [chuckles] E-mail from Stanley. Stanley, Terribly nice guy. [reads e-mail] "Sorry I didn't write back sooner; I can't go to the game tonight because my boss Michael is an ass and making me stay late." Well, Stanley's an ass. Not one of our harder workers. Oscar: Hey, what's the deal, Michael? Why are you spying on our computers? Michael: Oh, no, everybody; Oscar's gone crazy! What other ghost stories do you have for us? That I'm a robot? [robot voice] I will destroy everything in my path- Oscar: Actually, it's just- Michael: Beep! Bop! Oscar: Ok... Michael: Bommmm. Bop! Onk onk. [Tin Man voice] Oil can. Oil can. Oscar: Tin Man. Actually we just a got a memo from IT saying you're doing e-mail surveillance. Michael: Oh, what? No. That defeats the whole purpose. Dwight: So it's true? You have access to our e-mails? Michael: You know what the problem is? Stanley: I think I do. Michael: The problem is that when people hear the term "big brother", they immediately think it's scary or bad, but I don't. I think, wow, I love my big brother. Kevin: I gotta erase a lotta stuff. A lot of stuff. Dwight: Oh hey, just so ya know, if you have a lot of sensitive e-mails, they need to be deleted immediately. Angela: I know. Dwight: Good. [Pam overhears] Pam: [whispers to Jim] Hey. Something just happened. Dwight just told Angela that she has to deleted all of her sensitive e-mails immediately. Jim: What? Pam: I know! Jim: Hmm... Pam: Do you think that they're like- Jim: No. Pam: No, right, no, no. Jim: [humming] Pam: Uhhh, ew, ew, ew... .Maybe? Pam: It's like squishing a spider under a book. It's gonna be really gross but I have to look and make sure that it's really dad. Sooo... [to camera guys] If you guys see anything... ? Pam: Hey, Dwight, um, my friend is kinda into these two girls that he works with. Dwight: Nice. Pam: One is tall and brunette, and the other one is short, and blonde, and perky, and kinda judgmental. Who do you think he should choose? Dwight: Does he have access to their medical records? Pam: Ummmm... Dwight: I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff, I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections. There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we are down river from that old bread factory. Michael: Meredith has an E-vite from Jim. Barbeque at Jim's tonight. Tonight? Wonder where my e-vitation is. Click on guest list. Angela, Stanley, Oscar, Meredith, Phyllis, Kevin, Creed. Must be... .[scrolls down list] No. Pam: Hey, Angela- Angela: Hi. Pam: How's it going? Angela: It's ok. Pam: Listen, are you bringing anyone to Jim's party tonight? Angela: No. Are we supposed to? Pam: No. I mean, I don't know, I don't think so. Angela: Hmm... [Pam reaches towards vending machine] Excuse me. Pam: Oh. Michael: There's always a distance between a boss and the employees. It is just nature's rule. It's intimidation mostly, it's the awareness that they are not me. I do think that I am very approachable, as one of the guys. But maybe I need to be even approachabler. Kevin: That's pretty young. Pam: Yeah. Kevin: [to Michael] Are you gonna eat with us? Michael: Of course. Hangin' with my crew, crew that I am one of. Hangin' with my Cup of Noodles. This is a meal in a cup. Jim: Uh hum. Michael: Hot, tasty. Reminds me of college. Lived on this stuff. Brain food. Mmmm... You know what I really, really miss about college? The parties. Everybody'd go. The athletes, the, the nerds, professors. Pam: The professors would go to the parties? Michael: Yeah! They were the most fun. We always invited them. Jim: It's true. I'm having a party. I've got three cases of imported beer, a karaoke machine, and I didn't invite Michael. So three ingredients for a great party. And it's nothing personal, I just think that if he were there, people wouldn't be able to relax, and you know, have fun, and my roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I'm pretty sure he thinks that I'm making Dwight up. [sighs] He is very real. Pam: [to cameraman] What? [looks at Dwight eating a Baby Ruth] Ohhhh... Yes! Thank you! Dwight: Question[/b]: on the Internet there are several different options to get to your house for the party tonight- Jim: Oh, uh, no. Could- Dwight: I was wondering- Jim: Could, keep that down. Dwight: Why? Jim: Because not everybody knows about the party. Dwight: Like who? Who doesn't know? Jim: Umm, Michael. Dwight: Why just Michael? Jim: Because it's a surprise. Dwight: Is it? Jim: Uh hmm. Dwight: Oh, that's perfect! Jim: So, don't tell. Dwight: I won't. Jim: Ok. Jim: So, Dwight thinks that tonight is a surprise party for Michael. Pam: Really? That's great. Jim: I know. Pam: Maybe we can get him to hide and wait somewhere. Jim: [laughs] Oh man. Oh, you know what, speaking of which, I was just trying to get a handle on, you know, numbers for food and stuff. So do you think that Roy's gonna come, or... Pam: Oh, no, he can't make it. Jim: Oh, ok, cool. Michael: Hey there. Jim: Hey. Michael: Almost quittin' time. Jim: Yup, it's, uh, four o'clock. Michael: One more hour. Take care of anything you forgot to do. Hey, you know, I don't know if you have any plans tonight, but if ya don't, we could hang out. Jim: Oh, um... .I can't. Michael: You have plans. Jim: Uh hmm, definitely. Michael: I do, too. I do, too. Jim: You do? Michael: I do, yeah. Big plans. Jim: Because you said "do you wanna hang out"- Michael: Tonight, I can't do it tonight, no. Improv class, I have improv class, hanging out with my improv buds- Jim: Really? Michael: Yeah. Jim: Aw, that sounds like a lot of fun. Michael: It's the best. It's the best. I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up, I would definitely not go. Jim: Improv sounds great. Michael: It is. Ok. Jim: Alright. Michael: [someone coughs] What? Jim: I think Stanley just coughed. Michael: Hey, Pam. Do you need me to walk to your vehicular transport? Pam: No thanks. Michael: Alright. Oscar, got big plans tonight with- Oscar: I'm on a call. Michael: Kevin, big man, big man, what are you doing tonight? Where are you off to? Kevin: My brother is in town and we are going to see the Alaska Film Festival at the Scien- Michael: Ok, alright. Kevin: Oh. Michael: Hey, Angela, rushy, rushy. Where you rushin' off to? Angela: I'm just leaving for the day. Michael: Yeah, well duh. Where ya headed? Angela: Charity. Bake drive. Michael: Liar! Angela: No! Michael: You are a liar. Angela: No, I'm not. Michael: Dwight, oh ho, Dwight, Dwight, my loyal compadre. You and I are hangin' tonight. The two of us. We are celebrating our freedom and our manhood. You know what? Why don't we watch that show that you've been wanting to watch, that stupid Battleship Galaxy. Dwight: Battlestar Galatica. Michael: That's, whatever stupid show you want- Dwight: I can't- Michael: To watch tonight Dwight: Tonight. Michael: We're watching it. Dwight: Unfortunately, I've got plans. I have to go to practice. Soccer practice. Michael: I didn't know you played soccer, Dwight. Dwight: Clarinet. Michael: You, too, Dwight? Dwight: Have fun tonight! Whatever it is that you're doing, and I'll see you Monday. [to the camera] He has no idea! Jim: Quick announcement everybody, if I could have everybody's attention. We do have wine in the kitchen, and, uh, there is beer available on the porch and despite what you might think, it's not all for Meredith and Kelly, so please enjoy. Dwight: Jim! You really think this is a good idea, huh? A hide-a-key rock? Mark: Hey, you must be Dwight! Dwight: You don't work with us. Jim: That's because Mark's my roommate. Mark: Hey, I love the Birkenstocks. Dwight: Thanks. Yeah, I always keep an extra set in the car, for special occasions. Jim, come here. Jim: Uh hmm. Dwight: When is the guest of honor coming? Jim: Oh, uh, later-ish. Dwight: He's gonna love it! Jim: Great. [to a group of guests] Just wanna let you guys know that we will be taking the tour like I promised- Pam: Hey. Jim: Hey! Just in time! You wanna go on the group tour? We were just about to leave. Pam: Definitely. Jim: Well, the group tour is now leaving, then. Ladies and gentlemen, just a few things that we are gonna be pointing out to you today, you will be able to see both bedrooms and, uh, if we're lucky, maybe get a chance to peek into the bathroom, who knows. I have to remind you that flash photography is prohibited and as much as you can, please refrain from touching things. I know you might want to. Ryan: Hey, is Katy coming? Jim: Uh, actually, I haven't talked to her in a while. Ryan: Huh, is it ok if I call her? Jim: We can talk about that later. Improv Teacher: Ok, let's get right into it. I need two people for the first scene. Michael: [In Horshack voice from 'Welcome Back, Kotter'] Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo, Mr. Cart-air, Mr. Cart-air. Improv Teacher: Ok, Michael. And... anybody? How about Mary-Beth? Come on. Ok, so you start us off Mary-Beth. Mary-Beth: Great. [skips] La la la la la laaa... Michael: [fake kicks in door] Boom! Detective Michael Scarn. I'm with the FBI. Michael: Think about this; what is the most exciting thing that can happen, on TV, or in movies, or in real life? Somebody has a gn. [gasps] That's why I always start with a gn, because you can't top it, you just can't. Girl acting Pregnant: I'm supposed to meet my doctor here? Have ya seen him? He's a very angry midget. Michael: Boom! Freeze! Michael Scoon, FBI. You know what you did. Boom! Boom! Boom! [sh*t at Pregnant Girl and another actor] Yeah, you thought that you could get away with your little ruse, didn't you? Didn't ya!? Well, you didn't, because I know where ya hid the diamonds. I been on to you and your little friends for weeks. [another actor steps in] Boom! Boom! Boom! Actor: I'm not even in the scene! Actress: Again!? Michael: Boom! Boom! Improv Teacher: Stop, stop, ok, stop. Michael: Boom! Boom! Improv Teacher: You sht me, great. Now stop. Michael: Why Improv Teacher: You can't just sh*t everyone in the scene. Michael: Well, if you hadn't stopped the scene, you would have seen where it was going. Improv Teacher: Ok, what about the scene they set up? Michael: Boring. Improv Teacher: No, it wasn't. No more gn. Michael: I could of- Improv Teacher: No. No. Michael, I want you to give me all the gn you have. Michael: Ok. Improv Teacher: Just, I want you to get rid of all your gn and give them to me. Great. Michael: Yehhhehh. Improv Teacher: Yeeehh, ok. Pam: Jim's bedroom. Jim: See, I knew we lost somebody on the tour. It's- Pam: Cool... This is your desk. Jim: This is my desk. Pam: Your home office? Jim: My home office, this is it. Pam: Down. You have to sit down so I can get the full effect. Jim: Ok, sure. Will do. Pam: Ok, wait, so that would make me [walks to side of room] like right here. Jim: Yeah, that... Yep, that feels about right. Pam: And Dwight would be like- Jim: You know what? Let's just leave that image out of it, because this is a happy place. Happy thoughts, Pam. Happy thoughts. Pam: Umm, [gasps] yearbook! Jim: Yeah, you don't have to, ummm. Alright, yes, that's not gonna be awkward at all. Pam: [finds Jim's picture] Ooooohhh no! Jim: Oh yeah. Pam: You were so dorky! Jim: Thank you. Improv Teacher: Freeze! Michael: I'm in. Improv Teacher: You wanna go over the rules one more time? Michael: No, no, no. I'm looking in my wallet for money so you can tell me my fortune. Bill: I promise it's worthit . Ooo, I can see you walking out of here and you're thrilled with your reading. Michael: What are you... [whispers to Bill] Improv Teacher: Michael, what did you tell him? Michael: Nothing. Improv Teacher: Then why are his hands up? Bill? Bill: He told me he couldn't show it to me, but he has a gn. Improv Teacher: Ok, let's call it a day. Nice job, Bill. Michael: Good, it's good. Good work, everybody. Jim: Angela, burger? Dog? Havin' fun? Angela: I got sap on me. Jim: Chicken, hot dog, burger. Angela: I'm a vegetarian. Jim: There is soda inside. Angela: Guh. Stanley: I didn't think the premium laser color copy batch would sell as well as it did. Oscar: Yeah, it surprised us all. I'll tell you why. Because when they--- Kelly: I'm sorry guys; can we please not talk about paper? There's gotta be something else we can talk about. Angela: I think it's alright. Jesus drank wine. [Pam overhears] Pam: Hey Phyllis, come here for a second. Phyllis: Sure. Pam: Have you heard anything about any secret office romances? Phyllis: You tell me. Well, you do mean you and Jim right? Oh God. I am so sorry, I thought, you guys hang out all the time and you're talking all the time. I'm sorry! Pam: That's ok. It's ok. Kevin: [smacks Ryan's hand] Not so fast... fre Guy. Mary-Beth: How do I get to Bernie's Tavern from here? Bill: Oh, don't worry. We're all gonna carpool. Michael: So Bernie's, huh? We're all going to Bernie's? [to camera] Go to Bernie's? Bill: Oh sorry, we're not going as a group, it's just a private friend who just happens to know all of us from different ways is throwing a private birthday thing. Michael: Right, right, right. Well guys, I'd love to go to Bernie's with you, but, you know, I have an office party. A big office party I need to go to, so... Can't get out of it. Bill: Ok. Michael: Ok, see you later. Nice job, Bill. Not. Phyllis: [singing] Here I go again on my own. Going down the only road I've ever known... Jim: Oh by the way how's your side project going? Pam: Oh, yeah I gave that up. Jim: Really? Pam: Yeah, it turns out I was, um, just grasping at straws. Pam: Just because two people are hanging out, it doesn't mean that they're together, you know? Like people can just be friends. And I think that it was really unfair to think that there was anything else going on. Kevin: [singing] Just turn around now, cause you're not welcome anymore. Dwight: Surprise! [laughs] Everybody! Phyllis: Dwight... Michael: Wow! Who opened the morgue for this thing? I'm just driving by, thought I'd drop in. [to Jim] There's some wine. I would love a glass, if you're gonna open it. Here ya go Temp, take my jacket! [sees Sadiq (IT guy)] Oh, come on! That guy? He is a good guy, not a trror1st. Karaoke, I love it! I am a karaoke fiend. I call dibs. I got next, I got next up. Come on, let's get this party started, ha! Ok? Where's that wine? Michael: Ok, yeah, this is a duet, so, need somebody else, Pam? You wanna come up and sing this one? Need somebody else. Takers, please. [singing] Baby when I met you there was peace unknown. Kelly? Tried to get you with a fine tooth comb. I was soft inside, there was something goin' on. This part goes to the, uh, girl. You do something to me that I can't explain. Hold me closer and I feel no pain. In every bat of my heart, we got something goin' on. Tender love is blind--- Michael and Jim: [singing] It requires a dedication, all this love we feel needs no conversation. Divided, together, uh huh. Making love with each other, uh huh. Michael: We're making love! Michael and Jim: [singing] Islands in the stream, that is what we are, no one in between, how can we be wrong? Sail away with me... Michael: Talk! Just talk! Mary-Beth: I am- Michael: Shut up! Michael: Funny story[/b]: the way that I got into improv was, I got into improv. The story about me getting into improv was that I was walking down the street, and a race car pulls up, and the guy says "Hey you're funny, you're the funniest guy I've ever seen, or my name is not Dale Earnhardt." [giggles] And that was an improv. Um, the real way is that I found a flyer.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x09 - E-Mail Surveillance"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: Go. Get the door. Michael: Here we are. Dwight: Go. Push! Michael: Oh god. Dwight: Push! Michael: No, no, turn it around. Dwight: Really shove it. Michael: You'll break it. Dwight: Shove it through! Break it! Michael: You shove it. Shove it back! Here we go. Don't break the branches, Dwight. Michael: All right. Dwight: I got a splinter. Michael: Well, suck it up. We all have problems. Hey, everybody, look what we have! [laughs] Nice, huh? Dwight: I've got it leveraged. Push. Straight up. Michael: On three. Ready? Big, one, two, three. Dwight: One, two, three. [they push the tree up and it breaks through a ceiling tile.] Michael: Merry Christmas! Michael: Did it work? Kevin: [holds up the piece of tree he just cut off with a paper cutter] Well, sort of. Why did you get it so big? Michael: A, that's what she said, and B, I wanted it to be impressive. The biggest day of the year deserves the biggest tree of the year. Kevin: But what are we going to do with this hacked off part? Michael: Well, that is a perfectly good mini-tree, Kevin. And we are going to sell that to charity. That's what Christmas is all about. Jim: So this year, for the first time ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa. And I got her this teapot, which I know she really wants, so she can make tea at her desk. But I'm also going to stuff it with some inside jokes. Like, this is my high school yearbook photo. She saw it at the party, and it really makes her laugh. Not sure why. What else .. ooh. This is a hot sauce packet. She put this on a hot dog a couple years ago because she thought it was ketchup. And it was really funny, so I kept the other two. [holds up a miniature pencil] This would take a little too long to explain, so I won't. And this is the card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel. Angela: Is there anything we're missing? Phyllis, you got the lights? Phyllis: Yes, I got those cute little ones. [Angela looks at her disapprovingly] Do you think I should have gotten the big ones? Angela: We'll see. Ryan: Angela drafted me into the party planning committee. Her memo said that we need to prepare for every possible disaster. Which to me seems excessive. Michael: [comes into the conference room in a Santa hat and beard] Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, [points to Ryan] pimp. I'm kidding. What do we got, what do we got? How many plates are we getting? Angela: Fifty. Michael: Double it. Double everything. Double ice cream. Double napkins. Double it. On me. Michael: It was a tough year. I had to fre somebody this year. This party has to really rock. Check it out. Christmas bonus. 3,000 G's. I got this for helping save the company money. So I guess some good came out of fring Devon after all. Maybe I should call him and tell him that. Michael: I want people to cut loose. I want people making out in closets. I want people hanging from the ceilings, lamp shades on the heads. I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party. And also, I want you to spread the word that I will have my digital camera. And I'll be taking pictures all along the way. And the best and craziest thing that happens will be on the cover of the newsletter. Incentive. Pam: You do realize that we can't serve liquor at the party. Michael: Yeah, I know. Damn it. Stupid corporate wet blankets. Like booze ever klled anybody. Kevin & Oscar: One, two, three. [they lift and start to move a desk] Dwight: You guys should use a hand truck. Kevin: Do we have one? Dwight: No. Angela: [having trouble with a plastic tablecloth as Pam stands idly by] Will you help me? Michael: No! No way! It... no. Darryl: Come on, Mike, let me borrow the hat for just a couple of hours. Michael: You wanna be Santa? Darryl: Yeah. Michael: Have you ever seen Santa? Darryl: Yeah, I've seen Santa. Michael: Okay. Darryl: Who cares? Michael: Well, I'm sorry. It just doesn't work. Dwight: Michael, I would like to be the elf. Michael: That makes sense because he has elfish features. Dwight: [now wearing an elf hat and ears] Okay, everybody listen up! It is time to get your presents, wrap them, and place them under the tree like so. If you do not get your present wrapped and under the tree within the next five minutes you will be disqualified from Secret Santa. All right? No exceptions except Michael. Toby: I got Angela. She is into these posters of babies dressed as adults. I got her one of those. I felt kind of weird buying that. Oscar: I got Creed. And to tell you the truth, I don't know anything about Creed. I know his name's Creed. I know he works right over there. I think he's Irish and I .. I got him this shamrock keychain. Kevin: I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn't [smiles happily]. Michael: You get something good this year? Jim: I think I did a pretty good job. Michael: Yeah? Who did you have? Jim: Well, I can't tell you cause it's a secret. Michael: I think I got something pretty nice for my guy. Jim: Yeah? Michael: I spent a lot of dough. Lot of dough. Wow. Jim: Well, there's a $20 limit, right? So .. ? Michael: Yeah. I wanted this party to be really special so I sorta went above and beyond. Jim: That's great. Well don't tell me who it is, cause I can .. Michael: It was Ryan. Yeah. I have Ryan. Dwight: Gather round. Secret Santa, let's go. Let's go. Come on. Stanley, no, I'm going to handle the cord. Okay, safety reasons. Stanley: I know how to plug something in. Dwight: I want to do it. Michael: All right, let's count it down, like Rockefeller Center. Ready? All: Three, two, one. [very dim lights come on the tree] Michael: Not great. Phyllis: I'm sorry, everybody. Pam: I think the tree looks nice. Dwight: Hey, I could get some flares from my car. Michael: No, no. Shake it off, everybody. Just, let's do Secret Santa. Michael: Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, "Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth." Dwight: First present, Oscar. Oscar: [rips off the wrapping] Shower radio. Neat. Kelly: Oh, good, that was from me. Oscar: Thanks, Kelly. You know I was gonna get one of .. Dwight: Okay. Okay. That's enough. Let's keep it moving on. Jim. Jim: Oh, cool. [opens his plastic bag] Creed: That's from me. Jim: Great. Where did you get it? Creed: I don't know. It was so long ago. Jim: He obviously forgot to get me something, and then he went in his closet and dug out this little number [holds up way-too-short sleeves] and then threw it in a bag. Creed: Yep. That's exactly what happened. Dwight: Pam. Pam: [opens up her present] Oh, my god! Thank you very much, Santa, whoever you are. It's awesome. Jim: There's a little more to it. Dwight: All right, next. Ryan. [tosses present] Michael: No, don't! Ryan: [unwraps present] Whoa, a video iPod. Michael: Whoa. Wow. Jeez. Somebody really got carried away with the spirit of Christmas. That was me, I got a little carried away. Ryan: Wasn't there a $20 limit on the gift? This is 400 bucks. Michael: You don't know that. Ryan: Yeah, you left the price tag on. Michael: I did? Ryan: Yeah. Michael: What? Oh, sht. Wow. Okay, well, who cares? It doesn't matter what I spent. What matters is that Christmas is fun, right? Dwight: Michael. Michael: Oh hey, for me. What is in here? [opens a handmade oven mitt] Oh, come on. Phyllis: I knitted it for you. Michael: An oven mitt? Okay. [walks out] Michael: So Phyllis is basically saying, "Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's worth." I gave Ryan an iPod. Kevin: Should we just keep opening up the presents? Dwight: We don't do anything until Michael gives us further instructions. Michael: I got it! We are going to turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap. Jim: What is Yankee Swap? Michael: One person chooses a gift. The next person can either choose a gift or steal that person's gift. If your gift gets stolen, then you can steal somebody else's gift or choose a new gift. Jim: I thought that was called Nasty Christmas. Pam: Yeah, we call it White Elephant. Michael: Well, I call it fun! Oscar: Why are we doing this? Michael: Because it's better. Because it's more special. Angela: It sounds mean. Michael: Shut it. No, it's not. Okay, just give it a sht. Angela: Michael should have asked the party planning committee first. He's not supposed to just spring things on us out of nowhere. [starts to cry] Michael: Okay, Meredith is up first. Here's the deal. You can either pick a new gift or you can steal somebody else's gift that they've already gotten, like the oven mitt. Meredith: I'll take the teapot. Jim: Oh, shouldn't we ... I bought that specifically for Pam. Michael: Yankee Swap! That's what makes it fun. Pam, you can steal the oven mitt now. Pam: I'll take the iPod. Ryan: And I have to give it to her? I don't have a choice? Dwight: Yes, now you can steal the oven mitt, the old shirt or the shower radio or pick a new gift. Stanley: [after Ryan opens a new gift - a nameplate saying 'Kelly'] That was meant for Kelly. Ryan: Yeah, I figured. Michael: I think this is going great. Kelly: [unwrapping the poster] Yikes. Toby: Well, it's for Angela, so .. Kelly: That's like, the creepiest thing that I've ever seen. Dwight: Angela, you're up. Angela: I'll take the poster. Some people like these. Kelly: I will steal the iPod. Michael: Everyone wants the iPod. It's a huge ht. It is almost a Christmas miracle. Michael: Oh, well, Oscar, you little gourmand, you have the next turn. Oscar: I'll take the ... teapot. Meredith: Damn it. Dwight: Okay, moving along. Meredith, let's go. Meredith: I really want the iPod. Dwight: It's already been stolen this round. Pick something else. Michael: [holding oven mitt] I hope nobody takes this baby, cause this is great. Wow, look at that fine craftsmanship. Somebody really put a lot of work into that. It's beautiful. Meredith: I'll take the oven mitt. Michael: Sucker! See, I wanted somebody to take it. Boom! Reverse psychology. Michael: Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don't know if you guys know about it, but basically you make someone think the opposite of what you believe and that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm. Michael: [opens present] "In addition to these paintball pellets, your gift includes two paintball lessons with Dwight Schrute." Dwight: You and me, Michael. Yes! Michael: Who wants to take paintball lessons? How is that better than an iPod? Dwight: I never said it was better than an iPod. Dwight: Michael keeps bragging about his iPod, but you know what? Two paintball lessons with someone as experienced as I am is worth easily, like, 2 grand. Dwight: [shting paintball gn at target] Take that, Saddam! Michael: Last gift. Kevin. Kevin: I want the foot bath. Kevin: That's the thing I bought myself. I'm really psyched to use it. [pauses] Maybe I should have taken the iPod. Oh, sh*t. Dwight: Pam, steal something or pick the final gift. Pam: I want the iPod. Kelly: Damn it. Jim: Sure you don't want the teapot? Pam: Well, I mean, it's an iPod. But .. Jim: Right. Pam: Sorry, I .. Jim: No. No. Definitely. It's .. Kelly: Okay, well, I guess I will take that book of short stories. Dwight: Yes! There you go. I want the teapot. Gracias. Jim: Got to be kidding me. Dwight: Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets ... Christmas. Michael: [after Phyllis leaves suddenly] What is she so upset about? Pam: Maybe because you hated her present so much. Michael: Come on! I think that Yankee Swap was a big ht! I think it's a success and I'm the one who ended up with Dwight's stupid paintball pellets. Jim: Yeah, but, Michael, the point is that we all bought gifts for specific people. Stanley: And you should have just bought a $20 gift like everyone else. Michael: Well, I didn't. I got a big bonus because I fired Devon, and I used the money to buy something awesome. Sue me! Oscar: You got a bonus check? Pam: How much? Michael: It wasn't. It wasn't that much. It was $3,000. Stanley: All right, I'm done now. Michael: Unbelievable. I do the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for these people and they freak out. Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame. Liquor Store Clerk: It comes to $166.41. Michael: All right, now, you're the expert. Is this enough to get 20 people plastered? Liquor Store Clerk: Fifteen bottles of vodka? Yeah, that should do it. Michael: Cool, cool. Box it up. Jim: I bought this teapot for Pam, and I know she really wants it. So, can I trade you for it? Dwight: No trades. Jim: Come on, it's a shamrock keychain. Good luck. Dwight: "A real man makes his own luck." Billy Zane. Titanic. Jim: Look, it has sentimental value, Dwight. Can I buy it from you? Dwight: No. I want it. I'm going to use it. Jim: You don't even drink tea. Dwight: True. But I get sinus infections, and sinus infections can be cured by making your tea from green tea leaf stems .. JIm: Okay .. Dwight: .. and pouring it directly into your nose, like so. [demonstrates] Jim: To think that my gift for Pam will be used for that, it's a little too much to handle. Roy: This is awesome. Pam: I know. It's totally going to change the way I work out. Roy: Yeah, I was gonna get you one of these for Christmas, and now I don't have to. I'm gonna save a ton of money. Pam: So what are you going to get me instead? Roy: I don't know. Probably like, a sweater or something. Michael: Uh-oh. Looks like Santa was a little naughty. Angela: What is that? Michael: This is Christmas spirit, as in spirits, booze. Meredith: We can drink? Toby: We're really not supposed to serve alcohol. Michael: Zip it, Toby! Just .. I mean, it's a party. Come on. If I can't throw a good party for my employees, then I am a terrible boss. Who wants a drink? Meredith: Me. Please. Michael: Go, here we go! Meredith: The deal is that this is my last hurrah, cause I made a New Year's resolution that I'm not going to drink anymore. During the week. Phyllis: Hi guys. Ryan: Hey. Phyllis: Does everybody know my boyfriend, Bob Vance? Kevin: Kevin Malone. Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Stanley: Stanley Hudson. Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Ryan: Ryan Howard. Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Ryan: What line of work you in, Bob? Roy: I think after I lost Culpepper and T.O it was over, man. Darryl: Oh, yeah, I need McMahon, Deion Branch to have big games or else I'm done. Roy: It's possible. I can't believe you traded Shaun Alexander, man. Darryl: I had to. I needed defense. Roy: Come on! Shaun Alexander? He's the best back in the league. Darryl: It's defense. Roy: Oh, no. That is not worth it. Darryl: It is worth it. Roy: Never. Darryl: Are you kidding? You wait. Michael: Anybody making out in here? [checks hallway] Not yet, give it time. Oh, hey, Ebenezer, boink. [takes picture of Jim] Okay, how's it going in here? [takes picture of Meredith and Kevin] Ryan: We're running low on cups. Do you want me to just run out and get some? Angela: There should be some .. Michael: No, no, no, no. We'll find some, don't leave the party. Phyllis, Meredith, Michael, Kevin: One, two, three. [do a sh*t] Michael: Kudos to Ryan, king of the party committee. Ryan: Oh, no. Michael: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ryan: I really did not do anything. Michael: Oh, no, no. No false modesty, my friend. Jim: You know, you don't have to answer calls during a party. Just thought you should know. Pam: [laughs] No, I was just checking out my present. [holds up teapot] Jim: But .. Pam: I traded with Dwight. Just, I figured, you know, you went to a lot of trouble and it means a lot. And also, Roy got me an iPod or was going to get me an iPod, so .. Jim: Well, either way. This is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts. Look inside. Pam: [opens teapot] Oh my god! The yearbook picture! Pam: Yeah, I think I made the right choice. Pam: Oh, my God! It's incredible. [Jim reaches and steals his card back before she can notice it] Is this the Boggle timer? Jim: I didn't think you were going to get that one. I really didn't. Dwight: This is so awesome. Michael: Not bad. And if it couldn't go to Ryan, you are the guy I'd want it to go to. Dwight: Thank you. Michael: You're welcome. Todd Packer: [grabbing Michael around the neck] Merry Christmas, asswipe! Michael: No way. Oh, you're kidding me. Packer! Yes! Todd Packer, ladies and gentlemen! Todd Packer: [rapping] What's up my nerds. Check it out. [points at the mistletoe stuck down his pants] Michael: Oh, no, no. Oh look at that. Icing on the cake. Todd Packer: Pacman need a drinky. Michael: Oh, let's fix you up. Who wants to fix up .. Toby. Toby's gonna fix you up. Kevin: [listening to music through headphones] Yeahhh. Michael: Darryl. There you go. [hands him the Santa hat] You earned it. Darryl: That's okay, Mike. Michael: No, no, no, no. I really, really want you to have it. Darryl: All right. Thanks, man. Michael: Hey, Merry Christmas. Ryan: [looking at Xeroxed butt pictures] Whose butt is that? Kevin: Mine. Ryan: Oh, how did I not guess that? Michael: [coming out of his office] Lampshade on head! It's happening! Creed: [as Jim decorates a passed out Todd Packer] Oh, no. Kelly: Hey. Dwight: Oh, hello there. [Kelly leans up and kisses him] But what are you doing? Kelly: I don't know. Dwight: You shouldn't do things like that. The man is supposed to do that. Kevin: Thanks for the party, Michael. Meredith: Yeah. Bob Vance: Oh, hey. Listen up. We're going to Poor Richard's. Who's in? Oscar: I'm in. Dwight: Yes. Oscar: Michael? Poor Richard's? Michael: Yeah, that sounds good. Michael: Christmas is awesome. First of all, you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So, four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time. Michael: Hey, Meredith. Heading over to Poor Richard's? Meredith: Yep. Michael: Cool, cool, cool. Do you need a ride? [Meredith drops her top. Michael takes a picture] All right, let's head out. Sounds good. Do you have a coat? Meredith: Yeah. Michael: Okay!	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x10 - Christmas Party"}	foreverdreaming
Jim: Hey. Dwight: Hello. Jim? Jim: What's up, buddy? Dwight: This is not funny. Why is my stuff in here? Jim: Wow, that's weird. Oh, dollar for a stapler, that's pretty good. Dwight: Yeah, well, I'm not paying for my own stuff, okay? I know you did this, because you're friends with the vending machine guy. Jim: Who, Steve? Dwight: Yeah, Steve, whatever his name is. Pam: Sorry. What do I want? What do I want... Oh, it's a pencil cup. Dwight: No, no, no, no, no. That's my pencil cup. Pam: Um, I don't think so, I just bought it. Dwight: Uh, I think so, and you're going to hand it over to me. Pam: I love these. Dwight: Okay, fine. Where's my wallet? Jim: Oh, there it is. J1. Dwight: But I don't have any... Jim: Here, you know what? You can have some nickels. Dwight: [putting quarters in] Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five... Michael: Hello, everyone. Dwight: Good morning, Michael. Phyllis: Where are we going this afternoon? Michael: Ah! Ha ha ha! Pam: Last week, Michael sent out this mysterious memo. Jim: "It's time for our first quarter camaraderie event, so pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, rubber-soled shoes, and a ski mask." Pam: A ski mask and a swimsuit. Jim: So that he can have us rob a bank, and then escape through the sewers. Pam: And brush our teeth. Michael: Yeah? Stanley: Michael. Michael: Stanley! Bo banley. Stanley: I need to know... Michael: Banana fana fo fanley. Stanley: What we're doing. Michael: Be my mo manley. Stanley: You said bring a toothbrush. Michael: Stanley. Stanley: Is this an overnight? Michael: Maybe. The suspense is just so exciting, isn't it? Stanley: Should my wife tell her boss she's not coming in tomorrow? Michael: Maybe, I don't know. Stanley: Not maybe. Yes or no. Michael: Well, no. But... okay, don't spoil it for everybody, all right? But we are going on a booze cruise on Lake Wallenpaupack. Stanley: In January? Michael: It's cheaper. Michael: This is not just another party. This is a leadership training exercise. Right? I'm going to combine elements of fun and motivation and education into a single mind-blwing experience. Michael: It is now time to unveil the destination of this year's retreat. We are going on a harbor cruise of Lake Wallenpaupack. It's a booze cruise! Meredith: All right! Ryan: I have a test for business school tomorrow night. Is it okay if I skip the cruise and study for that? Michael: No. This is mandatory. But don't worry, you know what? You're gonna learn plenty. This is gonna turn your life around, Ryan. Ryan: I'm already in business school. Michael: Well, this... Kelly: Wait, Michael? Michael: Yeah? Kelly: Why did you tell us to bring a bathing suit? Michael: To throw you off the scent. Kelly: Yeah, but I bought a bathing suit. Michael: Well, just keep the tags on and you can return it. Kelly: I took the tags off already. Michael: Well, that's not my fault, okay? Just.. we're not going to pay for a bathing suit. Okay, I know what you're all thinking, "Who is this smart little cookie?" Her name is Brenda... something, and she is from corporate. And she is here, like you, to learn from what I have to say. Michael: I am a great motivational speaker. I attended a Tony Robbins event by the airport last year, and... it wasn't the actual course. You have to pay for the actual course. But it talked about the actual course. And I've incorporated a lot of his ideas into my own course. Michael: Leader... ship. The word "ship" is hidden inside the word "leadership," as its derivation. So if this office is, in fact, a ship, as its leader, I am the captain. But we're all in the same boat. Teamwork! Oscar: Last year, Michael's theme was "Bowl over the Competition!" So guess where we went. Michael: Now, on this ship that is the office, what is a sales department? Anyone? Darryl: How about the sales department is the sails? Michael: Yes, Darryl, the sales department makes sales. Good. Let me just explain. I see the sales department as the furnace. Phyllis: A furnace? Jim: Yeesh, how old is this ship? Pam: How about the anchor? Phyllis: What does the furnace do? Michael: All right, let's not get hung up on the furnace. This just... it's the sales... I see the sales department down there. They're in the engine room, and they are shoveling coal into the furnace, right? I mean, who saw the movie Titanic? They were very important in the movie Titanic. Who saw it? Show of hands! Jim: I'm not really sure what movie you're talking about. Are you sure you got the title right? Michael: Titanic? Pam: I think you're thinking of The Hunt for Red October. Michael: No, I'm Leo DiCaprio! Come on! Jim: Michael stands in the front of the boat and says that he's king of the world within the first hour, or I give you my next paycheck. Phyllis: Michael, everyone in the engine room drowned. Michael: No! Thank you, spoiler alert. You saw the movie, those of you who did. They're happy down there in the furnace room. And they're dirty and grimy and sweaty, and they're singing their ethnic songs, and... actually, that might be warehouse. Darryl: What? Michael: The... no, no. No, I didn't... okay. Well, okay, in a nutshell, what I'm saying is... leadership. We'll talk more about that on the boat. Ship. Dwight: Aye aye, Captain. Michael: [singing] A three-hour tour, a three-hour tour. Michael: Pam, you are Mary Ann! We have the Professor and Ginger, welcome aboard. Angela, you are Mrs. Howell. Lovey. [to Kelly] Uh... the native. Sometimes they come from neighboring... [to Stanley] We have one of the Globetrotters, I am the Skipper, and Dwight, you will be Gilligan. Dwight: Cool. Captain Jack: Actually, I'm the Skipper. But you can be Gilligan. Michael: I'd rather die. Hi, I am Michael Scott, I am the captain of this party. Captain Jack: I am Captain Jack, I am captain of the ship. I'm also captain of anyone who sets foot on the ship. [to boarding passengers] Hi, welcome aboard. Michael: Okay. Michael: In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebulose. Michael: Hey, look! I'm king of the world! Captain Jack: Okay, all right! Welcome aboard! I am your captain, Captain Jack. Michael: And I am the regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin, Michael Scott. Welcome, welcome! Captain Jack: Okay! So... Michael: Okay! So... Captain Jack: Please. The life preservers. Michael: Right. Captain Jack: They are located underneath the seats, all along the border of the boat. Michael: But don't worry, you are not going to be needing life preservers tonight. Captain Jack: Well, we might, okay? Please let me finish, okay? Thank you. So, the Coast Guard requires that I tell you where the safety exits are. On this ship, it's very easy. Anywhere over the side. [Dwight laughs loudly.] Not only am I your ship captain, I am also your party captain! Whoo! We're gonna get it going in just a few minutes here... Michael: I'm your party captain too! And you are gonna put on your dancing shoes later on! So we are gonna... Captain Jack: Okay, Michael, if you don't mind... Michael: Rock it! Captain Jack: Please, okay? Michael: If the boat's a-rockin', don't come knockin'! Captain Jack: Michael. Michael: Yep. Captain Jack: Your company's employees are not the only people on the boat tonight, okay? Michael: We're all gonna have a good time tonight! Captain Jack: Why don't you let me and my crew do our job. You just sit back and have a good time. All right? Michael: Hm? Okay. Yep. Katy: You guys, it's like we're in high school and we're at the cool table. Right? Roy: Yeah. Katy: Pam, were you a cheerleader? Roy: No, she was totally Miss Artsy-Fartsy in high school. She wore the turtleneck and everything! Katy: That's hilarious. Jim: It's not hilarious, but... Roy: Where did you go to school? Katy: Bishop O'Hara. Roy: Piss slop who cares-a? We played you! You... you really look familiar. Did you... you cheered for them, didn't you? Jim: Um, no. Katy: Yes, I did! [chanting] A-W-E-S-O-M-E! Awesome! Awesome is what we are! We're the football superstars! A-W-E-S-O-M-E! Roy: I remember that! We crushed you like 42-10! Michael: Having fun? Brenda: Yeah. Everybody's really nice. Michael: Good. Well, that is what Scranton is all about. Not like you New Yawkers. Brenda: When are you going to start the presentation? Michael: Well, we already sort of started it back at the office and on the dock with the Gilligan thing, so... right now, I was thinking. Yes. Okay, listen up all you Dunder-Mifflinites! I would like to talk to you all about life preservers. Now, one important life preserver in business is IT support. Captain Jack: Not now, Mike, we're doing the limbo! That's right, partiers, it's time to limbo, limbo, limbo! Michael: So, okay. Dwight: Limbo, whoo! Captain Jack: All right! I need a volunteer to come up here and hold my stick. Who's it gonna be? Meredith: Me. Captain Jack: Okay... Dwight: Me! Me, me, me. Captain Jack: Uh... usually it's a woman. Dwight: I'm stronger. Captain Jack: Hey, I got an idea! How would you like to steer the ship, Dwight? Captain Jack: Keep us on a steady course. Keep a sharp eye out. I'm counting on you! Dwight: I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four. And I was great. And I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats. Captain Jack: All right, all right, that was great! Now it's time for the dance contest! Michael: But before that, I have to do my presentation. Captain Jack: Nope! Dance contest! Michael: All right, we'll have a motivational dance contest! ht it! Yeah, okay, dancing! It is a primal art form used in ancient times to express yourself with the body and communicate! Michael: Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing. Dwight: [singing] What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning? Angela: Hey, come inside and talk to me. Dwight: I can't. Do you want us to run aground, woman?! Darryl and Katy: [chanting] Snorkel sht! Snorkel sht! Roy: Whoo! Who's next? Come on, Pam! Come on! Come on! Pam: No, I'm not going to do that. Roy: Come on! Darryl: That's what I'm talking about! Pam: Hey, why don't we find like a quieter place to hang out? Roy: I've just gotta wait for Darryl to do his sht. Just a minute. Come on! [chanting] Darryl! Darryl! Pam: It's getting kind of rowdy down there. Jim: Yeah. [chanting] Darryl! Darryl! Darryl! Pam: Sometimes I just don't get Roy. Jim: Well... Pam: I mean, I don't know. So... what's it like dating a cheerleader? Jim: Oh, um... [A long silence.] Pam: I'm cold. Captain Jack: So, what's this presentation all about? Michael: Ah! See, this is of general interest. It is about priorities and making decisions, using the boat as an analogy. What is important to you? If the boat is sinking, what do you save? Captain Jack: Women and children. Michael: No, no. Salesmen and profit centers. Captain Jack: That's a stupid analogy. Michael: Okay, well, obviously you don't know anything about leadership. Captain Jack: Well, I was the captain of a PC-1 Cyclone Coastal Patrol Boat during Desert Storm. Dwight: Wow. You should be the motivational speaker. Michael: Okay. Dwight: Yeah. He gives me real responsibility, Michael. Captain Jack delegates. He's let me steer the ship for the last hour. Katy: I'd like to be engaged. How did you manage to pull that off? Pam: Uh, I've been engaged for three years, and there's no end in sight. So... you don't wanna ask my advice. Captain Jack: Suppose your office building's on fre. Jim, who would you save? Jim: Um... let's see, uh... The customer. Because the customer is king. Michael: Not what I was looking for, but a good thought. Captain Jack: He's just sucking up! Roy: When you were in the Navy, did you ever almost die? Captain Jack: Oh yeah, oh yeah. And I wasn't thinking about some customer. I was thinking about my first wife. The day I got back on shore, I married her. Jim: You know what? I would save the receptionist. I just wanted to clear that up. Roy: Hello, everybody, could I have your attention for just a second? Could you listen to me for a second? We were up at the front, and we were talking about what's really important, and... Pam, I think enough is enough. I think we should set a date for our wedding. How about June 10th? Come on, let's do it! Come on, Pam! Michael: I don't want to take credit for this, but Roy and I were just having a conversation about making commitments and making choices. Right? Did I motivate you? Roy: No, it was Captain Jack. Michael: Well... could have been either one of us, because we were pretty much saying the same thing. Congratulations. That is great! Captain Jack: We gotta celebrate! Hey, I got an idea, I got an idea. I can marry you right now, as captain of the ship! Michael: Yes! I can marry you as regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin! Pam: No, no, I want my mom and dad to be there. Michael: Then I'll give you away! Pam: No, thank you. Katy: Do you think that'll ever be us? Jim: No. Katy: What is wrong with you? Why did you even bring me here tonight? Jim: I don't know. Let's break up. Katy: Whoa. What? Captain Jack: This is where Captain Jack drives the boat. Meredith: Wow! Dwight: Seasick? Captain Jack says you should look at the Moon. Michael: Captain Jack is a fart face. I'm on medication. Brenda: Really? What? Michael: Vomicillin. Okay. All right. It's time to be boss. It's time to motivate. Let's blow some minds here. Okay, guys, guys, cool it. Everybody, Dunder-Mifflin Scranton employees, Brenda, I have some very, very urgent news I need to tell everybody right now. Listen up. The ship is sinking! Okay? We're going down, right now. Just wrap your heads around the reality of that. Shh, please! Everybody, it's my turn now, okay? Captain Jack is gone. In five minutes, this ship is going to be at the bottom of the lake! And there aren't enough spaces on the lifeboat! Who are we gonna save? Do we save sales? Do we save customer service? Do we save accounting? This is a business scenario. Right? It's a scary... it's a... Captain Jack: Hey! Hey! What the hell is going on here? Michael: It's a predicament, and it's something that each and every one of us has to think about. Michael: I'm in the brig. See? The boat's not as corporate-friendly as advertised. What was the deal with the guy jumping overboard? What was... if he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now and not all wet. Michael: Is somebody there? Jim: What happened to you? Michael: Captain Jack has a problem with authority. Jim: Oh, right, because you announced that his ship was sinking? Michael: He just totally lost it. If you ask me, he caused the panic. Jim: What a night. Michael: Well, it's nice for you. Your friend got engaged. Jim: She was always engaged. Michael: Roy said the first one didn't count. Jim: That's... great. You know, to tell the truth, I used to have a big thing for Pam, so... Michael: Really? You're kidding me. You and Pam? Wow. I would have never have put you two together. You really hid it well. God! I usually have a radar for stuff like that. You know, I made out with Jan... Jim: Yeah, I know. Michael: Yeah? Yep. Well, Pam is cute. Jim: Yeah. She's really funny, and she's warm. And she's just... well, anyway. Michael: Well, if you like her so much, don't give up. Jim: She's engaged. Michael: BFD. Engaged ain't married. Jim: Huh. Michael: Never, ever, ever give up. Dwight: Don't worry, Michael. I'm taking us to shore. Michael: It's a fake wheel, dummy.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x11 - Booze Cruise"}	foreverdreaming
Oscar: ...Lord of the Rings trilogy, if you see it back to back, it's really long. But it's good. Jim: [off camera] Yeah, that's right. Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Michael: Pam! It's Michael. Help me! I need help right now. Pam: Michael, what's wrong? Michael: I'm hurt, I have hurt myself. Oh my God! Pam: Ok, wait wait wait wait... Michael: Ungh, this is not looking good Pam! Pam: Michael, do you need me to call an ambulance?! Michael: No, I want you to pick me up. Jim: What? Pam: Ok... Jim: What's going on? Pam: Wait a second, I thought you said that you were hurt. Michael: I am hurt. I hurt my foot. Jim: I'm sorry? Pam. Pam: [exasperated] Jim: What is going on? Michael: I want to come to work. But I need you to come and pick me up. [Jim lunges across Pam's desk and puts Michael on speakerphone] Michael: OH GOD! Jim: Hey, whoa, Michael... Michael: Oh God! Jim: It's, okay, it's Jim. Just say again, uh, really loudly what happened. Michael: OK, buhhhh, I brned my foot very badly on my Foreman Grill and I now need someone to come and bring me into work. Jim: You brned your foot on a Foreman Grill? Michael: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me. It's the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot... that's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that. Michael: Pam, could you come get me?! Pam: Uh, I have to stay here and answer the phone. Michael: Ok, could someone come and get me please, Ryan? Phyllis: Michael, you should stay home and rest. Michael: There's no toilet paper here. Could Ryan... tell Ryan to bring toilet paper. Could you tell 'em that? Kevin: Can you hop? Michael: I tried hopping, Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protruberance. Michael: [panicked] No one wants to pick me up!? Dwight: [silence, Dwight enters the office] What is going on? What is going on? Pam: Michael, is, um, sick and he wants one of us to rescue him. Michael: I'm not sick! I'm brned! Dwight: I'm coming Michael! Jim: Oh... Dwight: I'm gonna save you! Michael: Don't... is that Dwight? I do not want Dwight. Dwight: Hold on Michael! I am coming! Wait there! Michael: I don't want Dwight! Pam: Michael, why don't you call your girlfriend? Michael: I don't have a girlfriend. Jim: But you said that you went out with her this weekend. Michael: It was all made up. Just someone come, ok? Anyone. Anyone but Dwight. Jim: [sounds of a car crash] What was that... Pam: What was that?! [everyone runs to Michael's office window] Jim: Oh! Pam: Ohhhhhh! Jim: He ht the pole! Jim: It's broken right, he can't... Pam: Oh my gosh. Jim: Oh Dwight, Dwight, [Dwight pukes on his back windshield] Ohhhhhh! Jim and Pam: Oh my God! Pam: Is he ok? Jim: He's still driving... Dwight, you forgot your bumper! Michael: Hellooo? ... Please don't send Dwight! Michael: Morning everyone. Don't freak out. I forbid anybody to freak out. Clearly, I have had a very serious accident, but I will recover, God willing. I just want to be treated normally today. Normal would actually be good, considering the trauma that I've been through. Pam: You missed two big conference calls today, one with corporate. Michael: Did you explain why? Pam: No, I didn't mention that you cooked your foot. Michael: brned my foot, Pam. Michael: Please stop popping my cast. Thank you. Jim: So, where are you shipping your foot? Michael: Ha ha ha. So where are you shipping... Dwight: Your foot? Michael: Thank you. Pam, messages please? Pam: You didn't have any. Michael: Really, well, it, uh, seemed very important to you earlier that you needed to stay and... Pam: And do my job? Michael: No, your job is being my friend, Pam. OW! God! Dwight: [holding mini-fan] It slipped. Michael: What? Dwight: Sorry. Pam: It's just that before, you said that you didn't want any special treatment. Michael: I don't want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who's undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don't think that's too much to ask. Pam: Do you want some aspirin, because you seem a little fussy. Michael: No, I don't want some aspirin, yeah I'm a little fussy. Aspirin's not gonna do a damn thing. I'm sitting here with a bloody stump of a foot. Dwight: Hey, Pam, I'm assistant regional manager, and I can take care of him. Part of my duties are to. Michael: What? Part of your duties are to what? Dwight: What? Michael: You just said "part of your duties are to" something. Dwight: No, I didn't. Michael: Yes, you did. What is wrong with you? Dwight: What is wrong with you? Michael: Where is my cornbread? Ryan: Here you go. Michael: Thank you. Did you get all dark meat like I like? Ryan: Yes. I ordered three full rotisserie chickens worth of all dark meat. Michael: Where are the yams? Ryan: They were out of yams. I got you creamed spinach. Michael: Did you go to the one in Stroudsburg? Ryan: Yes. Michael: And they had no yams? Ryan: They had no yams. Michael: How strange. Because they always have yams. Dwight: Aw, man, is that a Prism Duro-Sport? Pam: You've seen one of these? Dwight: Yeah, they're like an i-Pod only they're better 'cause they're chunkier and more solid. Pam: Roy gave it to me for Christmas. I'm trying to figure out how to put songs on it. Dwight: Oh, no no no. Don't go there. I know this Russian website where you can download songs for two cents a piece. Pam: Really? Dwight: Yeah, I'll write down the address for you. Only, the only thing is, is that all the songs are in Russian. ... Kidding! Pam: Oh! Ha, haha. Dwight: Why would they all be...? Ok, see you later, Pan. Pam: Pan? Michael: Pam... PAAAM!? Pam: Oh, God. Pam: [phone rings] What. Michael: Come here please. Pam: Tell me before I come there. Michael: I want you to rub butter on my foot. Pam: No. Michael: Pam, please? I have Country Crock. Pam: No. Michael: Uh, ow. Ryan! ... Ryaaaaan ... RYYYYAN! Dwight: These covers are totally indestructible. Pam: Really? Dwight: Yeah. Throw it. I promise it won't break. Chuck it. [Pam throws her mp3 player] Dwight: Oh no, it's broken. Pam: What?! Dwight: No, it's fine. I told you it wouldn't break. You could throw it all day long. Pam: That is so cool. Thanks Dwight! Dwight: Yep. Jim: So, I guess Pam and Dwight are friends now. Pam: Oh God no, Dwight isn't my friend... Oh my God! Dwight's kind of my friend! Michael: No, nope, no one is helping me out at all Mom. No, I'm not gonna call Jan. She'd just worry... drive down here and make a big thing... Who told you that? No, it was mutual. What is Pam doing chatting with you? Dwight: Huh. Do you like candy? Angela: It's alright. Dwight: Cause you're sweeter than candy. Angela: What is wrong with you? [Dwight pats Angela on the rear and runs away laughing] Angela: Hey! Toby: Wow, you just dive right into it. Ryan: You know, around age twelve, I just started goin' for it. Michael: [loud noise in bathroom] No! Guh! OW! Awww, help, help me! Toby: What, what happened? Michael: I fell off the toilet. I'm caught between the toilet and the wall. Toby: What do you need? Michael: Ugh, not you. Someone else. Get Pam. Toby: I don't think Pam's gonna want to come into the men's room. Michael: Get Ryan. He needs to lift me. [Ryan shakes his head] and he needs to clean me up a little bit. Bring a wet towel. Toby: Ryan, is, uh, dad. Michael: No, he's not. Toby: dad. Michael: I just saw him. Toby: No. Can't, can't you just get up yourself? I... You only grilled your foot. Michael: Ugh, forget it. I'll just get up myself. No! Uh, aaaahhh! Ah! Oh God! Jim: Do you think Dwight's bein' a little weird today? Pam: No, he's actually been really nice and helpful. Jim: And that isn't weird? Pam: Wow... Michael: Can I have everyone's attention please? Phyllis, Oscar, Ryan, who's supposed to be dad, can I ask you all a question? Do you all know what it's like to be disabled? Oscar? Phyllis: Um, I had scoliosis as a girl. Michael: No, never heard of it. No, a real disability, not a woman's trouble. Creed: When I was a teenager, I was in an iron lung. Michael: Wuh, how, how old are you? Look, the point is, I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability, although I'm sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles. Stanley: I'm not disabled and neither are you. Michael: Ok, [lifts up cooked foot] what does this look like to you Stanley?! Stanley: Mailboxes, Etc. Michael: Shuuut it, ok, well, well you know what, disabilities are not things to be laughed at or laughed about. You people are jerks. Imagine if you had left Stevie Wonder on the floor of that bathroom instead of me. Phyllis: Oh, we wouldn't. We love Stevie Wonder. Michael: [sigh] I brned my foot!!! Ok, twenty minutes, conference room, everybody's in there! Dwight: [looking up at Creed] Dad? Michael: While we are waiting for our special guest to arrive, I wanted you all to take a look at a few of the many, many disabled icons who have contributed so much to our society. Jim: Quick question: uh, why is Tom Hanks on the wall? Ryan: Twice. Michael: Good question. Forrest Gump: mentlly challenged, Philadelphia [points to a picture from Big][/b]: AIDS. Kevin: I think that's from Big. Michael: I don't think so, no. Kelly: Yeah, he's dancing on a piano with Robert Loggia. Michael: He grew into a man overnight. Rare disability, still works. [sigh] A crossword puzzle Stanley, seriously, are you learning nothing here? Stanley: Uh hmmmm... . Michael: What you mean uh hmmm... ? Stanley: I mean I'm learning nothing. Michael: Ok. Billy Merchant: Michael Scott, I'm looking for Michael Scott. Michael: Yes, right in here, come on in. Billy Merchant: Great. Michael: This, ladies and gentlemen, is our special guest. Billy Merchant: Sorry I'm late. Someone parked in the handicapped parking space. Billy Merchant: Hey everyone, I'm Billy Merchant, you may have seen me around here before, I'm the properties manager of this office park Michael: You are so brave. You are so brave. Billy Merchant: Thank you. Actually, I've been meaning to come by here for a long time... Michael: But it's hard for you! Right? Because you're in a wheelchair. Billy Merchant: No, I just have a lot of properties to manage. Michael: Let me ask you something, how long does it take for you to do something simple, every day, like brush your teeth in the morning? Billy Merchant: I don't know, like 30 seconds? Michael: Oh my God, that's three times as long as it takes me. Michael: How did you get in your wheelchair? Billy Merchant: This morning? Just like every other morning, just climbed on in. [Everyone laughs] Michael: Hey, hey, hey, not funny! Not funny. Billy Merchant: Hey, hey, relax, just jokin around here. Michael: Well, that's good, he still has a sense of humor. Billy Merchant: Listen, I've actually used a chair since I was four years old. I don't really notice it anymore. Michael: Well they notice it. Don't you? You notice it. It's the first thing you saw when he rolled in here, isn't it? Jim: I want to clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill. Billy Merchant: So, there are just a couple things I want to remind everybody of... Michael: Ok... Billy Merchant: First is parking. You can't block the freight entrance with your car, even if your blinkers are on. Does anybody have any questions? [to Dwight, whose arms is raised] Yes. Yeah? yes... Pam: Dwight, you have your hand up. Michael: Ignore him. You know what? We're not that different, you and I. When I clamped my foot into a non-stick... Billy Merchant: You know what Michael? Michael: Yeah... Billy Merchant: Let me stop you right there. Michael: Ok. Billy Merchant: And leave. Michael: Did you see Born on the Fourth of July? I was under the impression that Billy would be more like that guy. Billy Merchant: What's wrong with that guy? Jim: You mean today? He stepped on a George Foremen grill and he brned his foot. Billy Merchant: No, not Michael. The moon-faced kid who crashed into the pole. He looks like he has a concussion. Michael: [popping his bubble wrap cast] Hey! Ryan: I found the pudding cups you wanted in a gas station in Carbondale! Michael: You did it! Look at you, and with the plate and the napkin. Very nice. Thank you, Ryan. Ryan: You are very welcome. Michael: Did you get the yams? Ryan: No, the gas station in Carbondale did not have fresh yams! Michael: [sigh] Ok, I'll just have the pudding. Ryan: You sure? Michael: Yeh. Ryan: Ok. Michael: You know what? I feel better. Ryan brought me some chocolate pudding and his kindness healed my foot. Michael: Yeah, baby, I am feelin' better. My body's literally healing itself. It is amazing what the human body is capable of when you have a powerful brain. Ryan: I ground up four extra-strength aspirin and put them in Michael's pudding. I do the same thing with my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine. Michael: Uh, finally feel the blood coursing through my foot veins. Dwight: [hits his head on his desk] Uh, ugh, ohhhh... Jim: Uh, ok, I think we need to take him to the hospital because I'm pretty sure he has a concussion. Michael: Oh, now you feel some compassion for him. Angela: He needs to go right now, and you're his emergency contact. I think that you should go with him. Michael: Why don't you go with him? Angela: I, barely know him... Dwight: I want Michael to take me... Michael: I can't take you, I don't have my car and yours is all vomity. Meredith: You can take my van! Michael: Oh, ok, that's, great. No, I can't drive. Jim why don't you drive. Jim: Fine. Michael: We'll go. I'm still recovering. So let's just, Ryan, could you get my coat please. Jim: Slowly, slowly. Let's just get to the elevator. Dwight: Choo choo choo choo choo choo... Jim: What are you doing? What, stop... Dwight: Vietnam sounds. Jim: [Dwight falls onto the couch] Stop, stop, stop, stop. Dwight: Tired... [Jim grabs spray bottle from planter] Jim: You can't lay down. Dwight: Want to take a rake... . Jim: Wake up. [sprays Dwight] Dwight: Ahh! Pam: Dwight, here, let me help you Dwight. Jim: I'm just gonna get... Dwight: Ok, Pam, thanks. Pam: Get up, get up. Dwight: You're the best. Pam: Yeah. Jim: Just keep him awake. Dwight: It smells like chicken soup. Pam: I know. Dwight: I have to go to the hospital. Pam: I know. Dwight: Where we going? Pam: I just want to say goodbye ok? Dwight: I'll be back, I mean... Pam: Yes, I know, but it's gonna be different. Dwight: Why? Pam: It's just hard to explain. Dwight: Aw, Pam, you're adorable [taps her nose] Pam: Oh my goodness! Dwight: [giggles] Pam: Come here. Dwight: Oh, huggy hugs. Michael: gn! Jim: You don't think you should sit in the back with Dwight? Michael: The rules of gn are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout "gn" when you're within the sight of the car gets the front seat. That's how the game's played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion. Michael: Oh, God, a mini-van. What is Meredith's problem? Jim: Well, I think she has a kid. Michael: Well, yeah she has one kid, no husband. She's not gonna find one driving this thing around. Dwight: Where are we going? Jim: Come on, get inside. Dwight: Where are we going? Jim: We're going to Chuck E. Cheese. Michael: Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, God, I'm so sick of Chuck E. Cheese. Jim: We're going to the hospital, Michael. Michael: I know, just sayin'. Michael: Dwight, what are you drinking? Dwight: I found it under the seat. Jim: Oh my God, Dwight, put that down. Dwight: I'm thirsty. Jim: Give the bottle to Michael [sprays Dwight] Dwight: No! Jim: Give the bottle to Michael! Dwight: I'm thirsty! Michael: Give it to me. Dwight: No. Michael: Dwight... [to Jim] You just keep your eyes on the road. [to Dwight] Give me the bottle or you're fired. Dwight: You can't fre me, I don't work in this van! Michael: Give it to me Dwight. Dwight: No. [takes a drink] Michael: Give me the bottle!! Jim: [to Michael] Will you stop? Michael: Gimme the bottle, Dwight! Jim: Michael stop. Dwight: [drinks] Mmmmm... Michael: Just give it! Jim: Michael stop. [sprays Michael, then Dwight] Michael: Stop, stop it! Stop spraying! [Dwight whines] Gimme the bottle! Jim: Stop [sprays Michael] Dwight: My eyes! Michael: Stop spraying me! Gimme the bottle! Dwight: My eyes! Michael: Dwight, what is your middle name. Dwight: Danger. Michael: [sigh] Something with a "K". Jim: It's Kurt. Wow, I am so sad that I know that. Michael: What do I write under "reason for visit"? Jim: Concussion. [Michael scribbles something out] What did you write? Michael: Nothing. I wrote "bringing someone to the hospital". Jim: So you thought they meant your reason for coming to the hospital. Michael: No... you know what Jim, this isn't about me anymore. I made a miraculous recovery, which is more than I can say for him. [Dwight falls towards Jim] Jim: Come on Dwight. [sprays Dwight] Dwight: Hi Michael! Michael: Hi Dwight. Dwight: Ahhh. Mweehaa Michael: Doctor, what is more serious, a head injury or a foot injury? Doctor: A head injury. Michael: Well, you don't have all the information. The foot as been fairly severely brned and healed quickly, very quickly, actually like suspiciously quickly. Doctor: [to Dwight] So, I'm ordering a CAT scan. Dwight: What is that? Michael: Look since you have the machine up and running, can I just stick my foot, we take a look? Doctor: Well, for a burn, you really just need to look at the outside of the foot. Michael: Ok, what kinda machine is that? Doctor: Does the skin look red and swollen? Dwight: That's what she said. Michael: That's my joke, damnit Dwight. Lab Tech: Ok, no electronics past this point. Camera, sound equipment... Michael: It's ok, they're with me. Lab Tech: No metal of any kind. Michael: Alright, well, I guess this is where we leave you off. Dwight: I don't want to do this. Michael: Uh, well you should of thought of before you crashed your head on your way to pick me up. We'll, see you when you get out. Dwight: Oh. Michael: Fine. Fine. Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Jim: Dunder Mifflin, this is Jim. Pam: Oh my God, what is going on, is Dwight ok? Jim: Uh hmm, he should be fine, but, uh, they brought him in for a CAT scan. Pam: I can't believe he's getting a CAT scan. Jim: Michael went in there with him too. It's pretty sweet. Pam: Really? Michael went in with him? Jim: Uh huh. Pam: Wow. Jim: But they shouldn't be much longer now, so we'll be back soon. Pam: Ok, that's uh, good news [Pam sees Angela eavesdropping] Uh, yeah, no I'll let you go. Jim: Ok. Pam: Ok. Bye. Jim: Bye. Pam: Hey, Oscar? Oscar: What's up, Pam? Pam: I just wanted to let you that Dwight's gonna be ok. The doctor said there's a really simple treatment for a concussion, so he'll probably even be back at work tomorrow. Oscar: Ok... Pam: I just, uh, thought you'd want to know that. Lab Tech: Ok Mr. Schrute, inhale with me on three. One, two, uh Sir? [Michael tries to put his leg in the scanner] Stop that. Stop. Stop that.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x12 - The Injury"}	foreverdreaming
Jim: Not much what's up with you? Pam: Oh, I can not believe I fell for that. [laughing] Oh, my God. Michael: Ah, ah, ah, what? What? Where's the funny? Give it to me. Jim: Umm, is it me or does it smell like up-dog in here? Michael: What's up-dog? Jim: Nothin' much what's up with you? Michael: Oh, oh, wow! I walked right into that. Oh, that's brilliant! Michael: Hey, Stanley, is that jacket make of up-dog? Stanley: I'm on the phone. Michael: Mmm, what flavour coffee is that? Up-dog? Ryan: What's that? Michael: I don't know, nothin', what's up with you? Ryan: Huh? Michael: [low] No, damn it! Kevin: What does that mean? Michael: What does what mean? Kevin: The thing you just said? Michael: Just forget it. Michael: Dwight! Hey is it me or does this place smell like up-dog? Dwight: What's up-dog? Michael: Gotcha! [laughing] Oh, God. [low] Crap! Nothin' how ya doing? Dwight: Good. How are you doing? Jim: [mouthing] So close. Michael: [low] Damn it. Michael: Today is spring cleaning day here at Dunder Mifflin. And yes I know its January. I am not an idiot. But, if you do your Spring cleaning in January; guess what you don't have to do in the spring? Anything. They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. Well I say that an empty desk means a... Dwight: Empty mind. Michael: No, that's not... no, that's not what I was going to say. Dwight: Meredith, men's room. Make sure you replace the urinal cakes. They're worn down. Kevin file drawers. Angela kitchen. Oscar dusting. Where is Oscar? Angela: He's out sick. Dwight: That's unacceptable. Angela: I agree it's unacceptable. [longing look] Kevin: Whhh... What are you guys doing? Dwight: Michael. Michael: Yes. Dwight: Oscar is out sick. Michael: On a Friday? [Dwight nods] Dwight: Can I do some of the talking? Michael: I will do all the talking. Dwight: Ok, let him know that I'm here. Oscar: Hello. Michael: What difference does it make whether your here? Oscar: Hello? Michael: Hi, Oscar its Michael. Dwight: And Dwight. Michael: Yechh, yeah, um, heard you were under the weather? Oscar: Yeah I think I came down with the flu. Michael: Really? Oh, that is a shame. You know it's cleaning day here today? Could have used some of that famous Hispanic cleaning ethic. Oscar: Yeah, I feel terrible about it. Dwight: Ask him his symptoms. I'm on Web M.D. Michael: What are your symptoms? Oscar: I have the chills. Michael: Umm, hmmm. Oscar: I feel nauseous and my heads klling. Dwight: Checks out. Oscar: Michael is there anything you need from me? I'd like to go back to bed. Michael: I need you to go back to bed. I need you to get better. See you Monday. Unless you're still sick. So have a great long weekend. Oscar: I'll just be sleep--- [Michael hangs up the phone before Oscar can finish] Dwight: Ok. First impressions? Michael: He sounded sick. Dwight: Which is exactly how you'd wanna sound like if you wanted someone to think you were sick. Michael: That's exactly what I was thinking. Dwight: Question? May I investigate? Michael: Yeah. Drop what you're doing. Make this a priority. Because an office can't function efficiently unless people are at their desks doing their jobs. Pam: I bought my veil. Kelly: Oh my God! That is so exciting! Can I be a bridesmaid? Pam: Ummm... Kelly: Listen, you don't have to answer now. But how are you going to do your hair? Pam: Ok. I was thinking about wearing it down. Kind of like, I don't know, like loose with big curls and... Kelly: You'd look like an angel. I'm seriously going to cry. Michael: Wowweee. Mikey likey. Why don't you wear your hair like that all the time. It's much sexier. [Pam puts hair back up] [Michael walks by Jim] Man, this must be trture for you. Jim: Yeah. On the booze cruise I told Michael about some feelings I used to have for Pam. I had just broken up with Katy and had a couple drinks. And I confided in the world's worst confidant. Jim: Hey Michael. Michael: Hey Jim-bag. Jim: Remember that thing I told you on the booze cruise about Pam? That... was... personal so if we can just keep that between you and me. That would be great. Michael: Really? Jim: Umm, hmm. Michael: Who else knows? Jim: Nobody. Michael: Wow! Michael: Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work. But, the fact that he told me his secret and no one else knows says everything about our friendship. And it is why, I intend on keeping that secret for as long as I possibly can. Michael: My lips are sealed. [singing] My lips are sealed... Bangles. Jim: Alright. Great. Thank you. Michael: [singing] Can you hear me, they talk about us... Dwight: Listen Temp. I am conducting a little investigation so I'm no longer going to be able to head up spring cleaning. Do you think you can handle it? Ryan: Yeah, I think I can handle it. Dwight: Do you think? Or do you know? Ryan: I think. Dwight: [low] Oh God, here. Michael: Hey, whatcha gettin'? Jim: I'm going with grape. Michael: Ah, good stuff, good stuff. Did you see the game last night? Jim: Which one? Michael: Any of em? So, uh, what's the 411? Any news on the "P" situation? Jim: I don't know what you mean. Michael: P-A-M. P-A Jim: Uh, uh, ok. Michael: No it's okay, we're talking code. Stanley: What is? Michael: Listen Stanley. How long does it take you to pick out a soda? Jim: I'm going to take off actually. Michael: Alright, well, cool. [Michael walks by Jim] Still deciding? Stanley: Hmm? Michael: [Michael presses a button for Stanley] Peach iced tea. You're going to hate it. Dwight: Hey Oscar how ya doin'? Dwight Schrute calling. Listen a little question for you, buddy. I called six minutes ago and no one answered. So I was wondering if you could explain. Oh, I see, so. Sounds like you're too sick to come into work but your well enough to go to the pharmacy. Dwight: There are several different ways to tell if a perp is lying. The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hands, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately I spoke to Oscar on the phone so none of this is useful. Michael: It's Grrrrrrape! Soda. Jim: Tony the tiger. You don't hear that much any more. Michael: Not so much. Dwight: Ok, what is going on here? Michael: Nothing. Dwight: Oh, really nothing? Fact: You are drinking grape soda. You never drink grape soda. Fact: You are talking to Jim. You never talk to Jim. Michael: Fact: I love grape soda. I always have. Fact: Jim and I talk all the time. We tell each other secrets. Dwight: Ok. So what is the secret Michael? Jim: Um, I had asked Michael if I could head up the Oscar investigation and he said that only Dwight was capable of handling such sensitive material. Dwight: Is that true? Michael: Um, I don't know, yeah, yeah, yeah it is. Dwight: Thank you Michael. I know your telling the truth. Michael: Ok. Dwight: I can tell. I won't let you down. Michael: Good. Jim: Thanks. Michael: Whooo, nice. That was, that was slick. What are you doin' for lunch? Jim: I don't know probably just gonna eat my ham and cheese sandwich in the break room. Michael: Oh nonsense [lifts leg and puts it on Jim's desk], no way, no. Why don't, why don't I take you out to lunch? My treat. Jim: No, that's alright, thank you though. It's, I, gotta do some cleaning, should probably stick around here. Michael: Hey you know what we could do? We could spread out a blanket in the break room. Have a little picnic order some 'za. Talk about you know who. Jim: Oh, ah, no but no. You know what let's go out. That was a good idea. Let's go out. Michael: I know just he place. Michael: [at Hooters] Oh man, you should order milk. Get it? Michael: Why do I like Hooters? Well I will give you two reasons, the boobs and the hot wings. Michael: Oh, here we go, here we go. Bogy at 3 o'clock. Hi. Dana: Hey I'm Dana. Welcome to Hooters. Michael: We're not worthy. We're not worthy. Hello Dana, I am Michael and this is Jim and we are brothers. Jim: Nope we're not brothers. Michael: I'm his boss actually. And I treat him well. I'm taking him out to lunch cause I can afford it and he can have whatever he wants. Jim: Can I just have the ham and cheese sandwich, thanks. Dana: And for you? Michael: Tell me Dana, how is your chicken breast? Dana: Oh, it's great. It's served with our world famous wing sauce. Michael: Mmmm, sounds yummy. I will have a chicken breast hold the chicken. [Giggles] Dana: Is that what you really want? Michael: No, I'm gonna have the gourmet hot dog. Dana: Great. Dwight: Who took all the black ones? Pam: That's a communal bowl. Dwight: So, how did Oscar sound when he called in? Pam: Sick, like lots of sniffling. I don't know. Dwight: Sniffling how? Pam: Umm. How many different ways are there to sniffle? Dwight: Three. Pam: Ok, it was the second one. Dwight: Ok, good, thank you. That wasn't so hard now was it? Pam: Nuh-uh. Michael: What do you like best about Pam? Jim: Uh, I really don't want to talk about it. Michael: Is it her boobs, or... Jim: Um, she's easy to talk to I guess and she's got a really good sense of humor. Michael: Really? Jim: Uh-huh. Michael: Never get's any of my jokes. Jim: What about you? Michael: Her boobs, definitely. Jim: Wow, that's not what I meant. Dana: Here you go. Michael: Oh, thank you. Dana: And I understand we have a birthday today. Michael: Ohhh happy birthday Jim! Dana: Ready girls? Front side. Hooter's Girls: You put your front side in; you put your front side out. You put your front side in and shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about. Whoo, hoo! Jim: Thank you. Michael: Woo! Yeah! Jim: Thanks, thanks Dana. Michael: Thank you very much. Michael: Hilarious. Hey. Pam: What did you guys talk about? Jim: [Holds up Hooters t-shirt] Just you know politics, literature. Pam: I hate you. Dwight: Quick Oscar update. I have conducted interviews with everyone in the office. Michael: Just go to his house and see if he's sick. I could have done this Investigation in like twenty minutes. Dwight: Including prep time? Michael: Just do it. Ryan: If I had to I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I'd forget too. Michael: [Michael messes up hair to look like Jim's] Expenses. Kevin: Michael is that a wig? Michael: No. It's... I wear it like that sometimes. Is that a wig? Kevin: No. Angela: This is from Hooters. Michael: Yeah, it's a business lunch. Angela: Did Toby approve this? Michael: No he did not. I don't need his permission. Toby: You just got your corporate credit card back. Do you really want me to take it away again? Michael: Uhhh it's ridiculous. They took my card away because I spent $80 bucks at a magic shop. What they don't understand is that I bought the stuff to impress potential clients. So business related, right? Michael: I put a cigarette through a freakin' quarter. And you know what Toby? They almost bought from us. Toby: I'm not processing this. Michael: Look Jim needed a relaxing lunch, he has been depressed and it has been affecting his productivity. How is that not work related? Toby: He seems fine to me. Michael: You're not his friend, you don't know. He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged. So just cut me some slack. Please? Kelly: Pam? Phylis: Angela who would you choose Jim or Roy? Angela: It's nobody's business, Phyllis. Roy. Kevin: Jim has got it bad for Pam. Creed: Oh ho! Which one is Pam? Kevin: Well she's the... Hey Michael so do you think Jim will try to break up the wedding? Michael: You know what Kevin? Jim is a friend of mine, so the only people that this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam... and me. Dwight: As a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy I have been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me. So I tailed her for six straight nights. Turns out she was, with a couple of guys actually so... mystery solved. Kelly: Jim, why didn't you tell me you had a crush on Pam? Jim: Well the cats out of the bag. I used to have a crush on Pam and now I [hesitate] don't. Riveting. Kevin: Nice... she is so hot. Pam: Hey. Jim: Hey. Pam: Did you find anything good in your desk? Jim: Ah, coupon for a free sandwich. Pam: Score. Jim: It expired in August, and my cell phone charger from two years ago. Pam: Big day. Jim: Big day. Jim: Hey oh, listen, um, I told Michael on the booze cruise. It's so stupid. Um, I told Michael that I had had a crush on you when you first started here. Pam: Oh. Jim: Well I thought that, I figured you should hear it from me rather than, I mean you know Michael. Pam: Right. Jim: And seriously, it's totally not a big deal, ok? And when I found out you were engaged, I mean. Pam: No, I know, like, I kind of like, I thought that maybe you did when I first started. Jim: Oh you did? Pam: No, I mean, just 'cause we like got along so well. Jim: No, no, you saw through me, great. Pam: So are you going to be like totally awkward around me now? Jim: Oh yeah, yeah... hope that's okay. Pam: Mmm, hmm. Jim: And Pam it was like three years ago so I am totally over it. Pam: Cool. Jim: Ok. Dwight: Stay low... This is it... There he is. He's been gone for at least two hours. Who is that? Come to Papa... Oh yes. Let's roll. I knew it! You are so busted. Ice skates, shopping bags? I think I know what's going on here. You weren't sick at all. Gil: Who's this? Dwight: This is Dwight Schrute. Who is this? Gil: Gil. Oscar: Are you going to tell Michael? Dwight: How bout this. I don't tell Michael and in exchange you owe me one great big giant favor. Redeemable by me at a time and place of my choosing. Dwight: Guess what I found out about Oscar tonight? He was lying about being sick. Should I have reported Oscar's malfeasance. Hmm, probably, but now I know something he doesn't want me to know. So I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage. Otherwise, it's just malfeasance for malfeasanceses-ses sake. Jim: Hey. Michael: I know, I know, I know. Jim: Umm, what happened? Michael: I, oh, just, um, I know I was trying to, expense reports. And then God, Toby, you know he just... I know. I'm just, I just hope that, I just hope that [starts to get choked up] this doesn't affect our friendship! Stupid, this is so stupid. Jim: Hey, hey, wow, wow. Listen man it's, you know what. It's not a big deal. Michael: Ok, I'm fine, no I know, I'm good, I'm good, it's just. Jim: Look its one day, everything's gonna be alright. No big deal. You good? Michael: Yeah I'm good. Jim: Good. Ryan: Creed did you organize the menu book? Creed: Oh, I thought that was more on a volunteer basis. Ryan: No, that was mandatory. Creed: Oh, I thought it was a volunteer thing. Pam: Hey, here's your schedule for next week. Are you okay? Michael: Yeah I'm fine. Look, about you and Jim. Pam: Oh, no, that's, you don't have to. Michael: No, I feel it's my responsibility as your boss slash friend. Pam: No, really, it's okay. I know that Jim had, like a crush on me when he first started. But that was a long time ago, so. Michael: It wasn't that long ago. It was on the booze cruise. Pam: Jim had a crush on me on the booze cruise or he told you about it on the booze cruise? Michael: Yehhh, okay, shuuttt it Michael. I'm done. That's it. I'm out. Jim: Ready? Pam: Yep. Michael: People are always coming to me. "Michael, I have a secret. Your the only one I trust." No thanks, because keeping a secret can only lead to trouble. Like I was watching Cinemax last weekend. This movie, Portrait of a... prosttute something. Secrets of a Call... More Secrets of a Call Girl. And the lead character, Shila, is framed for mrder. She goes on the run and winds up working at a bordello in Malibu. I don't, I don't want to live like that. I like it here. I don't want to be Shila, I like being Michael Scott.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x13 - The Secret"}	foreverdreaming
Ryan: [catching Jim looking at him at Pam's desk] What? Jim: Oh, nothing. Jim: Pam's on vacation and she gets back tomorrow, so it'll be nice to see her. It'll be nice, and, uh, she set a date for the wedding with Roy. Uh... June. Summer. So, that'll be nice. And that's that. Ryan: [again catching Jim looking at him] What? Jim: Oh, nothing. Ryan: Jim's been looking at me kind of a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it, but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me. Michael: Spamster! Pam: Um, Pam plus Spam plus...? Michael: Hamster. Pam: Right. Michael: Welcome back! How was your vacation? Pam: It was great. Michael: Yeah? Pam: Mm-hm. Michael: Did you get lucky? Oh! Boink! Pam: Roy and I just got back from the Poconos. I get ten vacation days a year, and I try to hold off taking them for as long as possible, and this year I got to the third week in January. Michael: I am Pam. Spicoli guy. Oh, God. Names, numbers. Okay. [walking into office] Whoa! God! Yuck, yuck. Yuck. Yuck! Pam: What? Michael: Wow! What happened in there? Pam: I don't know. Michael: There is stink in there, my God! What is... what is that? Pam: [looking at pile on Michel's carpet] Oh... I don't know. Michael: Is it a bird? Pam: No, I don't think it's a bird. Michael: Oh, God! How could that happen? How could... right in the middle of the carpet. Kevin: What's goin' on? Michael: Um, somebody vomited right in the middle of the carpet in my office. Kevin: [taking a look] I don't think that's vomit. Michael: Check it out. Kevin: Me? Michael: Check it out. Don't be a wuss, just get... no, I'm not holding your coffee. Kevin: Oh, that's ridiculous. Michael: What is it? Kevin: Michael. [tapping on door] Michael: What is it? No, just tell me what it is. Kevin: [pounding on door] Michael, I ... I ... I gotta get outta here. I can't hold my breath that long. Pam: Open the door up! Kevin: It smelled terrible. Pam and others: [after going in to check out the smell] Phew. Oh! No, mm-mm. [leaving quickly] Michael: I cannot believe a pipe burst and left that in there. Toby: That's no burst pipe. Michael: How do you know that? What is it, then? Creed: Hi guys. Somebody makin' soup? Michael: [as cleaning lady with mask leaves] Here she comes. All cleaned? Great. [walks into office] Dwight: [coughing] It's still stinky. Michael: That is worse. Dwight: She probably scrubbed it into the fibers of the carpet. Total permeation. Michael: [while in his reeking office] I am a big Fear Factor fan. I'm a big fan of anything Joe Rogan does, actually, so this is sort of like my audition tape. Um... [clearing throat] I can't stand it [gets up to leave], I can't stay in here another second. No! Jim: Hey! Welcome back! Pam: Thanks! Jim: So, how was the resort? Did you ski a lot? Pam: A little. Jim: Good! What's goin' on here? Jim: What? I did not do that. That sounds disgusting. Ryan: [barely stifling laughter] It wasn't me. Um... it wasn't me. [regaining composure] It was not me. Jim: [smelling the stink] Oh. Wow. Pam: [giggles at Roy] Michael: [sitting at Jim's desk] Hey Jim. I thought that we would be desk buddies while they changed my carpet. Jim: That might be a little difficult with the one computer. Michael: Oh... It's ... Jim: But there's definitely a desk open in the back. Michael: [reluctantly] Yeah ... Jim: ...which I guess I'll be taking. Michael: No, no, no! Seriously, I don't mind sharing. Jim: No, no, no, seriously, I'll be in the back. Jim: Hey, Kelly. Kelly: Are you moving back here? Jim: Um, just for the day while Michael's at my desk. Kelly: Because Toby used to sit there, but he had to move over there because of an allergy. Jim: Allergy to... the desk? Kelly: [shaking head] Weird. Michael: [putting his feet on desk] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Old bullpen. Dwight: [putting his feet on desk] Ha ha ha... the old bullpen. Michael: Don't ape me. Dwight: Okay. Michael: This is great. Dwight: Yeah! Michael: The pressures of my office are insane. Dwight: [agreeing] Mm. Michael: I just... you couldn't understand, but man, you guys have it so easy out here, you know? I used to sit right here. Dwight: No way! Michael: Yeah. Dwight: And who had your office? Michael: Ed Truck. [exclaiming is disgust] Ed Truck was the manager before me. Horrible. He hated fun. It was like, "Oh, Ed Truck is walking toward us. Stop having fun. Start pretending to do work." What a jerk. He's... You know what? I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming and would applaud as I walked away. Kelly: [to Jim] I'm serious. My closet doors will not shut. I mean, it only takes so long to measure to make sure that clothes will hang up because aren't all hangers like that big? So I don't understand why the closet engineer didn't think of that. So now I'm doing this new thing where I just leave piles of clothes on the floor and then I walk around the piles to get an outfit... Michael: You know who used to sit at that desk? Dwight: That guy Miles who quit to form his own company? Michael: Mm-mm. Todd Packer. Dwight: No! Michael: Yeah. Dwight: I thought he was out on the road. Michael: He was, but, uh... that desk was empty. He'd come in and sit there sometimes. Dwight: Ah. Michael: When I was in training, many years ago... not so long ago... I worked side-by-side with a fellow named Todd Packer, and together we rocked the office [picture behind Michael falls]. Packer and I once spent the whole day with our pants off, and when people noticed, we convinced them that they were crazy. Michael: I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today. Stanley: [on phone] Excuse me one second, please. [to Michael] What is it that you need right now that you can't wait until I'm off the phone with a customer? Michael: Oh, a customer, well, sound the alarm. [laughs] Okay. Michael: Another time, Packer held this guy's head in the toilet for like a minute. Guy had no sense of humor about it. Probably why he wasn't hired. Creed: [after Michael punches him in the arm] What did you ht me for? Michael: Charley horse! Creed: What? Michael: Charley horse! Creed: You shouldn't have ht me, Michael. Michael: Oh, okay. Gah. Michael: Once, as a joke, Packer banged every chick in the office. [giggles] It was hysterical. Kelly: [to Jim] Beyonce, pink the color, Pink the person, hot dogs, basically anything that is awesome. Snow cones... Ryan: Hey Jim, Michael wanted me to ask you how to raise your desk chair. Jim: It's the lever on the side. Ryan: That's what I told him. Thanks. [leaves] Kelly: Oh my God, he is so cute! Would you talk to him for me and see if he likes me? Jim: No, I don't think I can... Kelly: Oh, please Jim? Please, please, Jim. Please, please, please? He's so cute. I like him so much. And I would do it, but I'm too shy. Please, Jim, please, please, please, please, Jim. Please, please, please... Michael: [whispering] Dwight. Dwight: [whispering] Michael. Michael: Let's send up Accounting. Dwight: What? Michael: Old fashioned raid. Sales on Accounting. Yeah. Follow my lead. Michael: Hey guys. Oscar: Hey, Michael. Michael: Ahem. What's up? Oscar: Hey, Dwight. Michael and Dwight: [as they throw accountants' files and supplies around] Ahhhh! Whoo hoo! Come on, come on, come on, come on! Sales rules! Dwight: Yeah! [laughing] Michael: Yeah! Oh ho ho [laughing] Dwight: Should we help 'em pick up their stuff? Michael: No, no, no, no. We don't do that. We don't do that. Dwight: Okay. Michael: Watch out, Pam. You're next! Pam: You're gonna throw my things on the ground? Michael: Maybe! Oscar: What happened in Michael's office was wrong. I understand it [chuckles], it makes sense [regains composure] But it... it was still wrong. Michael: Why would somebody ruin a perfectly good carpet? I don't know. It could be done out of hate. It could be done out of love. It could be completely neutral. Maybe somebody hates the cleaning lady. And, well, she doesn't do a very good job, obviously, because my office still reeks like you would not believe. I hate her. Michael: You know what? I am beginning to think that what happened to my carpet was an act of terrorism against the office. The only thing that makes any sense. Dwight: [on phone] Hello, am I the 107th caller? [hangs up, dials again] Hello, Rock 107. Am I the 107th caller? [hangs up and dials again] Hell , Rock 107. Am I the 107th caller? [hangs up and begins to dial again] I'm totally gonna win us that box set. Michael: Stop. Dwight: Jethro Tull... Michael: Stop it. [Dwight hangs up] Stop. It. [Dwight beings to dial] Don't. Don't. Dwight: I need to make a sales call. Please? Michael: All right. Dwight: [on phone, whispering] Am I the 107th caller? Pam: [to Roy in Jim's earshot] ...back so soon. Roy: We can go back in, like, a couple of weeks maybe. Pam: Yeah, right. Roy: Okay, maybe another month, like, maybe for, like President's Day or something. Pam: Yeah, that's right. We could do a three-day weekend. I wonder if I could, like, call in sick on the Friday. Then I get a four-day weekend. Kelly: [to unseen co-worker] But it's so weird to fall asleep. And I just hate it. 'Cause I try to go to bed at, like, 9:30. Pam: [to Roy as Jim escapes into bathroom] Are you kidding? Roy: No. Michael: Hi, guys. Angela: We haven't finished getting things in order from your last visit. Michael: I'm just walking around. Angela: Were you? Michael: Well, yeah. Oscar: It's just that we're really swamped over here, Michael. Michael: Oh, and I'm not? Why would you say that? Because I'm having fun? You guys just are workin' for the weekend, aren't you? I'm workin' for the week. Sales team, listen to me. This is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna up the ante a little bit literally. Right here, I'm gonna put a crisp one hundred dollar bill. The person with the most sales at the end of the day gets to keep the cash. Sound good? Dwight: Yeah! Michael: [counting cash] Seventy, eighty, one, two three. Eighty-three dollars. Still a lotta money and I'm going to ... [moves money after seeing workmen walk by] ... I'm gonna leave it right over here where everybody can see it. I will be taking Jim's clients today because he is not here and out of sight, out of the contest. Let's see who winds up with the cash, shall we? Phyllis: You're gonna compete against us? Michael: Oh, it is on, Phyllis, it is so on! Dwight: It is so on! Michael: God, this is gonna be fun. Dwight: Michael is gonna wipe the floor with us! Michael: [on phone] So you have 40 boxes going out, and I will deliver those personally in a Sebring. Very good, nice doing business with you. Thank you. [hangs up] Yes! [chuckles] Oh, yeah! Read it and weep. Oh! Oh, look at that! [puts post-it on Phyllis' forehead] Look at me, Phyllis! Oh, what is that? That's my sale! [humming then dancing victoriously] Darryl: [walking by with new carpet] What... What's that? Whatcha doing? Michael: [stops dance] Nothing. Roy: [laughing] I think he's dancing. Michael: No. Just ... Darryl: That was definitely not dancing. Michael: You know what, guys? It's none of your concern. It was official business, so just... Darryl: Paper business. Michael: Yeah, paper business. Is this done? Roy: Nope. Michael: Extreme Home Makeover puts together a house in an hour. If you were on that crew, you would be fired like that. [snaps] Pam: Somebody did something bad to Michael's carpet. Maybe that's all we need to know. Creed: [to Oscar] Who do you think did it? Oscar: Are you kidding? I thought it was you. Creed: Really? I thought you. [both laugh in Michael's earshot] Michael: This was no act of God. A person did this. A person who works in this office. Maybe all of them. Michael: You know what? Today is not a good day for a sales contest. We're... we're not... we're not doin' this today. Pam: That doesn't seem fair. Michael: You wanna talk about fair? Does anyone need to smell my old carpet? You explain to me how that was fair, and I'll explain to you how this is fair. Plus I just... I think that picking today was sort of taking advantage. Dwight: But you're the one who picked today. Michael: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talkin' about. Stanley: That's not what a hate crime is. Michael: Well I hated it! A lot! Okay, I... you know what? If the guilty person would just come forward and take their punishment, we'd be done . [no one comes forward] Very well. Then you are all punished. Pam: What's our punishment? Michael: You're all on a time out. Just sit there quietly. [phone rings, Phyllis reaches to answer] No. NO! [phone continues to ring] Jim: Hey! Ryan: What's up? Jim: Nothing much. Let me ask you something. It's actually little awkward. Ryan: What? Jim: What do you think of Kelly? Ryan: I don't know. Depends if you like a little junk in ... [notices camera] Umm... She's really cool. Jim: Are you interested in her? Ryan: Yeah, totally. Jim: Really? Ryan: Did she say something? Jim: She said lots of things. Ryan: Do you know if she's looking for a long-term thing or if she'd be cool just hangin' out? Jim: I have no idea. Ryan: Can you find out? Jim: Yeah. Sure. Kelly: [to Jim] Oh, long-term, definitely. Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together... but don't tell him that, okay? Just tell him I'm, like, up for anything. I mean, I'm not a slut, but who knows? Michael: Do you remember Ed Truck? Creed: Sure. He hired me. How's he doing? Michael: How would I know? Creed: I thought you might. Michael: My biggest fear is turning into him. Creed: Michael, you should have much bigger fears than that. Michael: [sighs] I wasn't talking literally, Creed. Yeah, being buried alive would be worse. Happy? Why am I talking to you? Michael: [meeting Ed Truck in parking lot] Ed? Hi. Thanks for meeting me. Must be kinda neat comin' back. Ed: Yeah. Should we go upstairs? Michael: Uh, well, honestly Ed, I really don't wanna be up there right now. Ed: So, what's the problem with my pension? Michael: Oh, no, no, no. You're good. It was clerical. You're good. Um, well, somebody did something in my office, and I now think that they did it on purpose and it was directed at me. Ed: Well, what was done? Michael: I didn't get a good look at... it, but it smells horrible. Ed: Yeah, somebody once did that in my office. Michael: Really? Ed: Yeah. Michael: Well, that figures. So how did you deal with people not liking you? Ed: You can't expect to be friends with everybody. Michael: Well... s-sure I can. Ed: No. They'll always think of you as a boss first. Michael: Not necessarily. You can love a boss like you do a father. Ed: I'm not sure that ever happens. Michael: Well, okay. Different management styles. Ed: Why can't your workers be your workers, family be your family, your friends be your friends? Michael: Last week I would have given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would have reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh... no. I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney." Jim: [on phone] Hey, Brenda. This is, uh, Jim Halpert from the boat. And I got your number from the corporate directory and, well, I was assuming that you probably gave it to them because you wanted me to ask you out, right? Um, so gimme a call back. You can get my number from said directory, um, or just check your e-mail 'cause I just sent you one. Yikes. Uh... give me a call back, I hope. I'll talk to you later. Bye. Kelly: You just asked a girl out on the phone! Jim: Yep. Michael: [on phone] Yes. Todd Packer: Hello, yes. I'm looking for a gay nerd named Michael Scott. Michael: Who is this? How did you get this number? Packer: Your mom, you gay nerd! Michael: Oh my God. Packer. Packster. Whacky Pack. How you doin'? Todd: Hey, did you get that package I left for you? Michael: Uh... no. Did anybody see a package here today? No. How big was it? Packer: It was pretty big. Michael: Really? Packer: Yeah. Michael: Did you see a big package? Where did you leave it? Packer: Left it in the middle of your office. Michael: Really? Guys, did you see a big package in my office? Roy: You mean the thing? Packer: [laughs uproariously] Michael: Are you kidding me? Oh! Packer: Special delivery! Michael: That was Packer! Oh, you're... you are dad. You are dad, my friend! That is hilar... Oh, God! Of course it was you. Packer: Sit on the throne, Michael. Michael: Oh. [laughs and claps] Yeah, yeah! Oh my God. It was Packer! Michael: It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don't expect everybody to understand. It was done out of love, just like I thought. It's ah... God, these people are so... these are good people. We have fun. [giggles] We just have fun! Oh, I'm just so sorry that I threw the thing out. Jim's voicemail: You have seven unheard messages. Pam: [voicemail message for Jim] Hey, Jim. It's Pam. I keep looking up to say something to you and then Michael's there and it's horrible. Anyway, I'm bored. Come back! Pam: [voicemail message for Jim] Hey, guess what? I moved my computer so I can't see Michael's head. It's working. I think I can have a career as a very specific type of decorator. Pam: [voicemail message for Jim] Sudoku. Level moderate. 18 minutes. Suck on that, Halpert. Pam: [voicemail message for Jim] I'll transfer you. Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Hold, please. Dunder Mifflin, this is ... okay, sorry. Michael was standing at my desk, and I needed to be busy or who knows what would've happened, so thank you. Pam: [voicemail message for Jim] Hey, what's that word we made up when you have a thing stuck in your shoe? Anyway, I have a thing stuck in my shoe. Pam: [voicemail message for Jim] Hey, I have a chance to sneak out of here early, and I'm not messing this up, so I'll see you tomorrow. Pam: [voicemail message for Jim] Calling from my cell phone. I don't know if you guys figured out who did that to Michael's carpet yet, but I have a theory that involves an inter-departmental conspiracy. Everybody in the office. We need to talk.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x14 - The Carpet"}	foreverdreaming
Jan: So, I'm happy to be here. It's very nice to see all of you. You're all looking well. Pam: Today's a 'women in the workplace' thing. Jan's coming in from Corporate to talk to all the women about... um... I don't really know what. But Michael's not allowed in. She said that about five times. Jan: Women today, though we have the same options as men, we often face a very different set of obstacles in getting there. So... Michael: [knocks] Hey, what's going on? Jan: Michael... I thought we agreed you wouldn't be here. Michael: Yeah... I... You know what... I... I... I just thought about it. I just have a few things I want to say. Jan: What are you doing? Michael: Hold... Just hear me out. What is more important than Quality? E-Quality. Now studies show that today's woman, the Ally McBeal woman, as I call her, is at a crossroads... Jan: Michael. Michael: No, just uh... you have come a long way, baby. But I just... just want to keep it within reason. Jan: Michael. Michael: They did this up in Albany... Jan: You are not allowed in this session. Michael: And they ended up turning the break room into a lactation room which is disgusting so... Jan: Now you're really not allowed in this session. Michael: Well, I'm their boss, so I feel like... Jan: I'm your boss. Michael: [stands up] Anybody want any coffee or... Jan: We're fine, Michael. We just need you to leave, please. Michael: Women in the workplace... yeah, translation "I have been banned from my own conference room so that Jan can talk in secret to all the girls." Oh! Sorry. 'Women of the workplace.' About what? I don't know. Clothes. Me. Eeegkh! Jan: Ladies, I am so, so sorry. Can we start again? We were on such a roll. I... I... really apologize. Pam: Jan. Jan: Yes, Pam? Pam: Michael's still at the door. Jan: Michael! Jan: [in the background] So one obstacle is how assertiveness is perceived differently in men and women. Men who are assertive will be admired. They're called... anyone? Dwight: It's a terrible idea. Jim: What is? Dwight: Them in there all together. If they stay in there too long they're going to get on the same cycle. Wreak havoc on our plumbing. Michael: Everyone. Guys. Circle up, please. Come on over. Bring your chairs. Toby, come on over. You're a guy... too... sort of. Let's do this! Michael: [in the background] Well, first of all, I, uh, just want to warm up a little bit. Let's just clap. Michael: Let's just clap. Ready? [clapping] Yeah! Yeah! Dwight: Yeah! Michael: That's what I'm talking about! Jan: I don't know what you're doing here, Michael, Michael: Just having a little 'guys in the workplace' thing. Jan: ... but it's very destructive. Michael: Why can't boys play with dolls? Why does society force us to use urinals when sitting down is far more comfortable? Jan: Can you please do this somewhere else, Michael? Michael: We have nowhere else Jan. This... Dwight: We could do it in the warehouse. Jan: Dwight, excellent idea. Go to the warehouse. Michael: OK, OK, Fine. Yeah, actually, perfect. Perfect. You know what? There's another side to this place, gentleman. And I know we all love our cushy jobs and our fun, exciting office. But do you realize that underneath us, there's another world. The warehouse world. A world that is teeming with sweat and dirt and life. Life. The bowels of the office. These guys are down there, they are real men doing real man's work. We are going to learn how a warehouse works. Michael: Oh, I think it's going to work out great. Because managing the warehouse is a very important part of my job. And I haven't been there in months. Dwight: Remember on Lost when they met the Others? Jan: I'm so sorry about that... um... so where were we? Pam, are you okay taking notes then? Pam: Mmmhmm. Jan: Please? Thank you. very much. Michael: So let's meet the warehouse! Let's get some shts. Pan around there. This is Darryl, one of our warehouse staff. Darryl, what is your biggest fear? Darryl: My biggest fear is that someone will distract us from getting all the shipments out on time. Michael: You know, Darryl is actually the Foreman here and not Roy, which is cool. There's Roy riding the big rig. So Roy is actually going to be marrying Pam sometime this summer. And... uh, she's our receptionist. Sort of a Brangelina thing. Roy: Why? Michael: Brangelina is the Brad Pitt and Angelina... Roy... Roy: I don't understand. Michael: Roy and Pam. It's a Ram. It's a Ram thing. Kevin: [talking to Jim] I bet Roy heard about you liking Pam. I bet he'll try to bat you up. Jim: Thanks for the head's up, Kev. Kevin: I've got your back if he does. But try to stay out of it. Michael: [points at math equasion on chalkboard] Uhhuhhuh. Just in case there's someone down here who shouldn't be. A little "Good Will Hunting" situation. All right. Troops. This is an important day. Big day. Now you may look around and see two groups here. White collar. Blue collar. But I don't see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind. Jan: Why don't we go around the table and all say something that we know we're good at. I will start. I am good at public speaking. Meredith: Hi. I'm Meredith and I'm an alch... good at supplier relations. Jan: Great. Phyllis? Phyllis: I'm good at computer stuff, emails, spreadsheets, all that. Angela: [disbelieving] Really? Phyllis: I don't know. I thought that I wasn't going to be asked that... Jan: No. Okay. Stop. Go on... Angela: I've seen some of your spreadsheets. Phyllis: Really? I thought they were pretty... Pam: I don't know how I fit in with these women. Here. Or with Jan. Um... I mean we get along great. Fine. Um... I guess the person I have the most in common with is... Roy: Jim... Halpert. Hey uh, I, uh, you know heard there's a rumor going around about you used to have a crush on Pam. Jim: Oh, no, no. No. Roy: No, it's cool, because I know you're a good guy. And I know that that crush ended a long time ago, so... you know. We're cool, right? Jim: Yeah. Nope. Yeah. Definitely. Roy: You know, it's great with me cause that way, glad she has a friend at work she can get through the day with. She's not all bap bap bap bap when she gets home. Jim: Yeah. I like talking to her too. Roy: So, we're cool, right? Jim: Yes. Yeah. Roy: All right. Jim: Yep. Cool, man. Roy: Sweet. Kevin: [blows a sigh of relief] Darryl: Hey, Mike, look. How bout we go upstairs, too. You know learn how the office works. We can all switch places today. Michael: Oh... well... okay... yeah, you know what? I don't think... You.. You're... My job sucks compared to this. I don't think you'd like it up there. Darryl: The experience... Michael: Guys! Want to start unloading the truck? Dwight: Okay. Let's go. Step up. Michael: Check this out! Look at that! Look at that [squeezes blow-up doll] bwup-bwa! [talks in girly voice] Hello! How are... [regular voice] Oh! Kay. That is great. That is good stuff. Meredith: In five years, I'd like to be... five years sober. Jan: That is an excellent goal. Meredith: Four and a half. Kelly: I'll tell you one thing. I am not going to be one of those women schlepping her kids around in a minivan. Jan: Great! Uh-huh? Kelly: I want an SUV... with three rows of seats. Women: [general murmuring of agreement] Jan: Well, I'll be honest. One of the goals of these women seminars is to feel out if there's any standouts. Women who could be a valuable addition to our Corporate life. Dwight: Michael wants us to bond so we need topics for conversation. Jim: Ponies. Dwight: No. Ryan: How about rainbows? Dwight: No. Jim: Flowers. Darryl: It's dangerous, Michael. Come on, get off this. Michael: Hey, you're going to, going to hurt yourself. Darryl: Mike. Michael: Stand clear. Darryl: Mike. Get off of the lift. Please. Come on now. Michael: I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm fine. Darryl: Look, would ya... look. Michael: Oh, oh, oh! We'll get somebody to clean that up. Darryl: We're the ones that got to clean that up! Lonny: Dammit, Michael! Michael: We ought to have this thing serviced. Michael: So! Guy's gripe session. Here we are. Now, we definitely live in different worlds but we have a lot in common. We even like the same girls, some of us. That's going to happen, you know. We're guys, so... Madge: Hey, do you want me to go? Michael: No, why? Why would I... ? You could... Madge: I'll go. Michael: Stay or... Phyllis: ...and a big walk-in closet. Meredith: Oh, that's part of my dream too. Kelly: Oh, me too. Jan: Great, great. And Pam, what about you? What is your dream? Pam: Well... I always dreamed of a house with a terrace upstairs. Plant flowers on it... stuff like that. Since I was a girl. Um... More seriously though, a husband that I love... Roy. And I love to draw. And I... I did a little in college and I'd still love to do something where I could work with art or graphic design in some way. Phyllis: She's real good. Pam: Thanks. Jan: You know the company is offering a design training program in New York. Pam: Well... I have a job right now, so I can't really take time off... Jan: Well, it's only on weekends and then a few weeks in New York, but I'm sure that I could ask Corporate to help you out. Pam: Well... it's just that the weekends aren't good because, um... Jan: There are always a million reasons not to do something. Michael: Let's start with the Warehouse. What bothers you as guys, you know? Darryl: My priority is safety. Michael: OK. Darryl: So it really bothers me when somebody comes in here speeding around on a lift, playing with it like a toy. It kind of gets under my skin. Michael: OK, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah shhh... Darryl: Uh uh uh. Don't shush me. Michael: I... That was just... Darryl: That bothers me too. Michael: I was breathing. Roy: Pam shushes me. It drives me crazy. Michael: I hate shushing. You know, that's the thing! What the... ok... what is our beef as human men. Lonny: You know that's a good question, Hasselhoff. What bugs us? Michael: OK. Alright. Good. Guys ragging on each other. That's what guys do... and we love it. Jan: All right. Let's talk about clothing. Phyllis: I'm excited about today. [whispers] I love girl talk. Jan: Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. All right. You can use your clothing to send a message about your ambitions by wearing clothes that reflect what you aspire to be. Angela: I'm not gaining anything from this seminar. I'm a professional woman. The head of accounting. I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life. I just think it's insulting that Jan thinks we need this. And, apparently, judging from her outfit, Jan aspires to be a whore. Roy: I hate it when girls insist on taking them out to new restaurants every weekend night and then they're like "When are we going to go on a date-date?" Guy: I hate that too! [general clapping and agreement] Darryl: I hate that too. Kevin: That sucks so much. Guy: It totally sucks. Dwight: Yeah and then they make you drive them to Church the next morning. Like "Gas ain't free!" Lonny: Yeah, on our salaries, man, what do they expect? You know to take us out every weekend? You know what I mean? We're not millionaires. Michael: I feel you. Darryl: No, you don't. You don't feel us. How can you? You know what? Dwight: Not literally. Darryl: You say we're the same, but we get compensated very differently. Michael: Yes. Darryl: We work the same hours as you and you just said we work a lot harder Michael: Ah, you do. So... Darryl: But we get paid a lot less. Dwight: Word. Roy: Like next to no benefits. Michael: I know. God! What is that? Roy: Exactly. Michael: It blows. It blows, man. Gah... Darryl: You know this would not happen if we had a union. Roy: That's what I'm talking about. Michael: No. Whoa, whoa. Yeah. Roy: Absolutely. Darryl: That's what we need. Guy: You know you're right. Darryl: Man, see... That's what I've been sayin', man. We need to do this finally. Michael: You know what? Is that necessary? Because you already sorta have a union... of guys. Darryl: It's more than necessary, Mike. We need this. Roy? You still have that card from the Dockworker's Union? Roy: In my truck. Michael: Dockworker's? Darryl: Man, hook you up. Men: [generalized clapping] Guy: Come on, man. Michael: Yeah. You know what? I think the problem is the chicks. Darryl: Union! Union, yeah. Michael: The problem is the chicks. And you gotta blame them. Darryl: Are you with us Mike? Michael: Yeah-es. Darryl: Welcome to the warehouse. Group chant: Michael, Michael, Michael, Mi... Jan: Another issue is inequality of pay between men and women. I'm sure that all of you have felt that before... Michael: [knocks] This is important. Ladies, take a breather. Jan, I uh wanna... Can I help you? Um... I wanted to say that the guys downstairs are thinking about forming a union. And they have some good points... Jan: What? A union! What... Michael: Don't get hysterical. Jan: I'm not... Michael: Part of my job is knowing how to talk to women. Michael: Let's... be... rational... here. What are the pros? What are the cons? Jan: The cons are that everyone will lose their job. Michael. Everyone. Office, Warehouse. What do you think... the... pros... are... here? Michael: Don't talk to me that way please. Just... they're going to want to hear this from you. Jan: You got yourself into this Michael, so you get yourself out. Michael: But we're bonding down there! Jan: That's too bad. Michael: I mean I just don't want to have to tell them something they're not going to want to hear. Jan: I don't want to... Michael: Ok. Come on Jan. After all we've been through... Jan: Michael! Michael! Michael! Michael: We have a history... Jan: Michael. Michael: ...between us. Jan: Don't say another word. Michael: I won't Jan: Get yourself down stairs. Michael: I'm just saying we have something... Ok. Whatever. Ryan: You know what... we could get this done a lot quicker if we formed a type of assembly line. Stanley: This here is a run-out-the-clock situation. Just like upstairs. Jan: Sports metaphors are one of the ways women feel left out of the language of the office. Now, I know this might sound silly but a ... many women ask to go over it. So... Fumble means... Phyllis: Mistake. Meredith: Slip. Jan: Right. Par for the course is a golf term. It means right on track. Below par means worse. Wait... that should mean better, that doesn't make sense. Kelly: What about second base? Like if Michael said that he got to second base with you? Does that mean you like closed a deal? Jan: Excuse me? Kelly: I mean that's a baseball term, right? Jan: I don't know what Michael was talking about. I don't know. Kelly: [in the background] ...and you went to Chili's and he got to second base with you. Jan: [in the background] Kelly, I don't know what Michael's talking about. Kelly: [in the background] He told everybody so I just want to know is that a baseball term... Pam: Hey. Jim: Hey! Pam: How's it going down there? Jim: It's a complete... well, actually it's exactly what you'd expect, so... How are the girls? Pam: Good. We watched a video about our changing bodies. Jim: Did you really? Pam: No. [laughs] Jim: Oh. Pam: Almost. Jim: Good. Pam: Um... but hey? Something kind of cool. There's this internship in graphic design that Jan was telling us about. She made it sound, like, really great. Jim: Nice. Well, what's it all about? Pam: Um... Jim: I think you should do it. That's great! Pam: It's really cool. Michael: Cold front coming into the Warehouse. Uh oh! Better put on your ski boots! Woohoohoowoo. Waaaah! Happy New Year, Darryl! Hey,Darryl. You ever done this? Angela: Are you married? Jan: I'm divorced. Phyllis: That must have been hard. Jan: It was. Yes. Kelly: You were probably feeling really depressed and sad and that's why you did that thing with Michael. Jan: I think you should all spend a little more time thinking about your careers and less time on personal stuff. Phyllis: Mmmm, I think we're all okay with the balance we've struck. Angela: At least you don't have kids. You have no kids, right? Thank God. Jan: Okay. Let's take five. I think we can all use five. Kelly: How can someone so beautiful be so sad? Michael: Hi. Jan: Did you take care of the situation? Michael: Yuh, yuh, yes! I... I have essentially... Jan: Excuse me. Michael: I have essentially. Yes. I've taken some... Jan: Excuse me. I've been told there's been some interest in forming a Union and that Michael supported it. Obviously he's not a friend of yours because he didn't tell you the facts. So let me. If there is even a whiff of unionizing in this branch, I can guarantee you the branch will be shut down like that [snaps her fingers]. They unionized in Pittsfield and we all know what happened in Pittsfield. It will cost each of you a fortune in legal fees and union dues and that will be nothing compared to the cost of losing your jobs. So I would think long and hard before sacrificing your savings and your futures just to send a message. If you have any further questions you can direct them to... to Michael. Pam: Dreams are just that. They're dreams. They help get you through the day. Like the thing about the terrace. It's nice but... um... I don't know. It was just something I read in this book when I was twelve. The girl in the book has a terrace outside of her bedroom and she planted flowers on it and I just loved that. Just always kind of stuck with me. Jim: So you're not doing it. Pam: How did you know? Jim: Why not? Pam: Just like no big reason. Just a bunch of little reasons. Jim: Come on. Pam: Roy's right. There's no guarantee it's going to lead to anything anyway. Jim: Roy said that. Pam: What? You have something you want to say? Jim: You got to take a chance on something sometime, Pam. I mean, do you want to be a receptionist here, always? Pam: Oh, excuse me! I'm fine with my choices! Jim: You are? Pam: Yeah. Pam: It's impractical. I'm not going to try to get a house like that. Um... they don't even make houses like that in Scranton. So, I'm never going to... . Michael: I'm just going to put this over there. Darryl: This is not a good idea right here. Michael: You did uh... okay. Michael: Pizza. Great equalizer. Rich people love pizza. Poor people love pizza. White people love pizza. Black people love pizza. Do black people like pizza? Michael: Hey. Um... look guys, I'm sorry. Sometimes Jan can be such a bitch. All the Men: Generalized mumbling agreement. Yeah. Michael: Hey, watch it, watch it. We have a relationship. Michael: Thank you to our hosts. Darryl: Hey Michael. This ain't over. Michael: Ahhh! Excellent. Michael: Is it good to be back. Yeah. I mean I love the guy stuff but to run an office you need men and women. You know why? Because you need to have that crazy sexual tension to keep things interesting. Pam: Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. Uh... hold, please.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x15 - Boys & Girls"}	foreverdreaming
Pam: I really like Valentine's Day in this office. It's kinda like grade school. Everybody gives out little presents and stuff. Like last year, Jim gave me this card, with Dwight's head on it, it was horrifying and funny and... Pam: [Delivery man enters with a bouquet of red roses. Pam stands up to look at card.] Phyllis. Delivery man: Would you sign here? [Phyllis gets up from desk and walks over.] Pam: Roy and I are saving for the wedding, so I made him promise not to get me anything too big. Meredith: "Happy Valentine's Day darling. Love Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration." Phyllis: Isn't he sweet? Meredith: Yeah. Wow. Michael: Alright Dwight, as you know I am heading to New York today. [Dwight holds up passport.] Doing a presentation on the branch to the new CFO. Dwight: And you want me to come with you. Michael: Nope. The opposite of that. Dwight: I will stay here and run things on this end. Michael: Ok, good. Dwight: Question. Will you be seeing Jan when you're in New York? Michael: I probably will, why do you ask? Dwight: Well... It's Valentine's Day, and you guys, you know... Michael: Yeah. Dwight: Screwed. Michael: What is your problem? Michael: This is a business trip. I would have to be a raving lunatic to try to talk to Jan about what happened between us. Her words, not mine. She sent me an email this morning. But, it is Valentine's Day. It's New York. City of Love. Michael: Hey, Pam. You heart N.Y., right? You want me to pick you up anything? Pam: That's OK. Michael: Alright. Oscar: The best present would be, you do a good job in front of the new CFO. Michael: Dude, I'm gonna nail it. Me in New York? Oh, I own that city. Fuggedaboudit! See ya! Michael: Well here we go. On our way to New York. New York, New York. City so nice they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name. Jim: So I broke up with Katy and haven't been dating anybody else, so this year I don't have to worry about Valentine's Day. It's gonna be good. I invited a couple of friends over. We're gonna play some cards and I'll end up winning a lotta money. Because, they're idiots. It's gonna be great. Dwight: What's this? What is this? Jim: I dunno, it's on your desk. Dwight: Yeah, but who put it here? And for what purpose? Jim: It was there when I sat down. Dwight: [opens box and reads card] Happy Valentine's Day. [pulls out bobble head] It's me. I'm the bobble head. Yes! [Angela smirks in background] Ahh! Michael: The meeting isn't 'til three, but I always like to come to New York little bit early and ht some of my favorite hunts, like right here, is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I'm gonna go get me a New York slice. [Michael walks toward Sbarro.] Jim: Hey Kelly. What's up? Kelly: Nothing. Oh except, oh my God Jim. Last night, Ryan and I totally, finally hooked up. It was awesome. Jim: OH, that's great. I'm really happy for [starts to walk away] Kelly: And it was so funny 'cause we were at this bar with his friends and I was sitting next to him the whole night and he wasn't making a move, so in my head I was like "Ryan, what's taking you so long?" And then he kissed me. And I didn't know what to say. Jim: Wow. Kelly: So I said, "Ryan, what took you so long?" And I just said that to him, can you believe that? Jim: Wow. Kelly: Oh my God, Jim, is that embarrassing? I'm embarrassed. Jim: No, don't be. Kelly: Oh, thank God, because I was nervous, Jim, you will not believe. Jim: I bet. Kelly: So nervous, but now -- now I have a boyfriend. Jim: Alright. [Kelly squeals] Ryan: [anguished] I hooked up with her on February 13th. Michael: Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square. Named for the good times you have when you're in it. Most people when they come to New York, they go straight to the Empire State Building, that's pretty touristy. I come here. Great places to eat. [points] We have Bubba Gump Shrimp, Red Lobster down there. Ya know. This is, this is the heart of civilization, right here. Kevin: Woah. [Delivery man with flowers] Pam: Guess what? Phyllis: Really, Oh, they're from Bob again. Pam: That's great. [Meredith scowls] Michael: Everybody takes the subway in New York. It's fast, it's efficient, gets you there on time. It's a way to [turns and rushes back up stairs] Okay, there's a guy pooping in a cardboard box down there. Michael: This is the world famous Rockefeller Center. Founded, of course by Theodore Rockefeller. This is a skating rink and I think the Rangers practice there sometimes and it's, that's Tina Fey [points]. That's Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live. Hello? Hello, hi? [walks over] OH, I'm sorry, I thought you were [Conan O'Brien walks in front of Michael], OK, I thought that was. She, she looked a lot like Tina Fey. [to camera] Hello, hello, I thought that was Tina Fey, but it wasn't. So... Are you serious? He was here? When, when I was talking to the fake Tina Fey? Come on! And are you, argh. Dwight: Hello Angela. Did you hear, somebody rocked the house and got me the best present I've ever gotten. Angela: Really? I wouldn't know anything about that, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. Dwight: Oh I did. I did. Angela: I didn't get anything for Valentine's Day. Dwight: Oh, I bet you will before the day is over. Angela: Really? Well, I hope I do. Michael: I would love to live in New York someday. It's a big dream of mine. Work for corporate, with Jan. It'd be awesome. Go to Broadway shows, eat hot dogs. Scranton is great, but New York, is like Scranton on acid, no on speed, no on steroids. [Michael sees it's the end of a street.] OK, umm, I think, that's either the Hudson or the East, so we're back, should be back this way. There's a lotta pressure on me right now. It's like Michael Jordan, in the NBA finals. Or, like Stormin' Norman Schwarzkopf, and this presentation is desert storm and as soon as it's over, we will not have to deal with those Iraqis anymore. Let's do it. Jim: [on phone] Nah that's alright. Spend money on her, instead of giving it to us. That's fine. No, I didn't even have a seat for you anyway. Yeah, hahaha, alright man, have a good night. Bye. Kevin: Woah, woah [Delivery man with oversized bear] Delivery man: Phyllis Lapin. Pam: OH, Holy God! Delivery man: It's from Bob. Kevin: Man, that thing's bigger than I am. Delivery man: No, it's not. Kevin: Oh zip it. Michael: There they are. What's up? Hey hey. Craig: Hey. Josh: Michael Scott. [sticks out hand for handshake] Michael: Josh Porter, high five. [They high five] Bam. Josh: You know Dan Gore from Buffalo. Michael: Yeah, how ya doing? Nobody needs to introduce this guy. Craiggers. [bump fists] Craig: What's up buddy? Michael: You have been kicked out of every strip club in Albany, is that true? Craig: Guilty, yeah. Michael: So what's going on? What I miss? Josh: Not much, they're uh, I guess running late upstairs, so we're just waiting for the presentations. Michael: Cool. Good, good, good. Give us some time to catch up, and... [awkward silence] Dwight: Pam. Hi, How ya doing? Good. Listen, uh may I speak with you... privately? Pam: You can't fre me, Dwight, just 'cause Michael's not here. Dwight: No, Pam, Just. Just, [tilts head away, towards another room] Pam: You need to get something for your girlfriend. Dwight: [same time as Pam] Girlfriend. Yes, and the reason I didn't get anything for this particular person - who shall remain nameless - is that she's not really the kind of person you'd think would be into Valentine's Day. She's kind of... Pam: Tightly wound? Dwight: (smirking) Exactly. Pam: Ok, well, sometimes the gift is really about the gesture, you know, like what it means, instead of what it is. Dwight: You mean, like a ham? Pam: No, not like a ham. It's about doing something, so that the person knows that you really care about her. Dwight: Ok, I get it. Pam: That you remember her. Dwight: Ok, shut up. I know exactly what to do. [gets up and leaves] Josh: What about you, Craig, you lose anyone? Craig: Oh man, Jan, called me in September and said "You gotta fre four people," and I was just like, "What?" Ya know? Josh: Did you? Craig: No, I just ignored her. She's the worse. Josh: She is our boss. Craig: She ain't my boss dude. I don't work for that bitch. Michael: Ay, Kay. Come on, you know, that's not. Cool it. Craig: What? You like Jan? How can you like Jan? Michael: Maybe because she's my girlfriend. [starts retracting statement] Was, or not my girlfriend. She's... we hooked up and... Josh: You hooked up with Jan? Michael: You know, months ago, just once, It's, just stupid. Just forget it, Josh: Yeah, let's change the subject. Michael: Yeah, yeah. Kelly: I don't know what he's thinking, but I would just be so psyched if we just dated forever. Jim: Take it slow. 'Cause it seems like a lot of the time things like that need... [Ryan walks in] Ryan: Soda. Kelly: [to Ryan] Cool. Hey, so... do you want to... do something tonight? Or... Jim: [under breath] Oh, no, not while I'm here. Kelly: I mean, I know it's Valentine's Day, or whatever, but there's totally no pressure at all, of any kind. What so ever. So... Ryan: I can't tonight. I have plans with my friends. Kelly: OK, That's cool. I completely understand. Ryan: Cool. Cool. OK. Jan: Josh Porter, Stamford. David: David [to Josh and shakes hands] Josh: Nice to meet you. Jan: And Michael Scott, Scranton. David: Nice to meet you. Michael: Ditto. [to Jan] How are you Jan? Jan: Fine Michael. Thank you. David: OK. So we are in the process of doing a complete review of the company's financial strengths. All I'd like to do today is to... Jan: Nervous, no I'm not nervous. Well, I guess I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little nervous. Umm, the new CFO is judging me on this too, and well, it is Michael, so. Yeah, I'm very nervous. Josh: So with the twelve new local accounts, we had a total of four percent organic growth, which was just above our pre-year targets. David: Thanks very much. Josh: Thank you. David: OK, Michael. Michael: What is a business? Is it a collection of numbers and sales reports? Sure. But as you know, David and Jan, it is much more. [plays video on screen. David and Jan have confused looks on their faces.] Michael: [video dialogue for "The Faces of Scranton"] Life moves a little slower in Scranton, Pennsylvania. And that's the way we like it. Because at Dunder Mifflin Scranton, we're not just in the paper business, we're in the people business. Let's meet some of the folks that make the Scranton branch so special. [video shows Stanley at desk] This is Stanley Hudson, one of our talented salesman. An African-American father of two, Stanley's dedication is no doubt one of the hallmark's of the foundation of the business we're hoping to build our bases on. Michael: Yeah, I sht a bunch of footage around the office, edited it together on my Mac. I was thinking of entering it into some festivals. Probably won't. You know, not what this is about. Michael: [video dialogue] And finally, Pam Beesly. Look at her. Look how cute. Not bad at all. As the receptionist, Pam is truly the gateway to our world. Well, I hope this gave you a little taste of what life is like here at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. What it's like to walk a mile in Oscar's shoes. Or try on Phyllis' pants. Maybe even one of Angela's famous brownies. And you'll know, that you're home. [video says, "Great Scott!"] Michael: Questions? David: Wow. OK, OK, thank you Michael, that was great. Michael: Yes, thank you. David: But, for right now what, I would really like to know about is the branch's performance, so do you have that information as well? Michael: Yes, absolutely David. Get that for you. I umm... [hands over report] Delivery man: [with flowers] Can you sign? Pam: Yeah. Pam: [delivering plant to Oscar's desk] Oscar. Angela: Nothing for me? Pam: [walks away] Join the club. Kevin: Whose it from? [to Oscar] Oscar: My mom. [puts card in pocket] Kelly: It's frustrating, because we'd be so perfect together. Jim: You know what? Here's the deal, Kelly. It would be really nice if he was in to you, right? It'd be great, but he isn't. Kelly: Yeah, it would be so great if he was. Jim: Well, he's not, though. So you just gotta suck it up. You just gotta move on. Try to have some fun. Come to my poker game tonight. Kelly: Okay, cool. Is it okay if I invite Ryan? [Jim leaves] Dan: And that about does it, thank you. Jan: OK. [looks toward Craig] Craig, Craig: Yeah. Here's the deal. I did not understand this was supposed to be a full on... like report or whatnot. Jan: Um, I'm sorry, what did you think financial presentation meant? Craig: I was under the impression this was, more of like... a meet and greet type deal. David: So, does that mean you don't have the numbers on your branch? Craig: That is correct, yes. Jan: Craig, you realize that we're trying to decide whether if drastic steps need to be taken? Craig: Look, I'm sorry, I didn't know. Jan: Well, the point is, is that doesn't exactly bode well for your branch. Craig: Oh man, you know what? Michael made that stupid movie, he doesn't get into any trouble? Maybe I should have slept with you, too. [David looks at Jan, who glares at Michael.] Michael: Oh, ok. Alright. Jan: NO, NO I'm not, I'm not, I just... I just don't know what to do anymore, Michael. I mean, we're all gonna get fired. Michael: No you're not. Jan: Yeah, Michael - the CFO thinks that we slept together. Do you understand, people get fired for much less? And I just [scratches head] can't believe that you told everybody and we didn't even sleep together. Michael: Technically, we fell asleep in the same bed. So... Jan: Oh, God. Michael. It was months ago. It was once, It's over. Do you understand? Michael: Yes. I'm sorry. I will fix this. I'll talk to him. I'll talk to David. Jan: Surely, you cannot be serious? Michael: I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. Airplane. Dwight: Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it. Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving. Roy: Hey babe. Pam: Hey. Roy: You almost ready to go? Pam: I guess, yeah. Roy: What's wrong? Pam: Nothing, it's just I had to sit here all day, while Phyllis got like an entire garden delivered to her. Roy: What, you're mad at me? Pam: I mean, I know that we said no big gifts, but I was kind of hoping you'd get me something for Valentine's Day. Roy: Well, Valentine's Day isn't over. Let's get you home and you are gonna get the best sex of you life. David: You understand this is a very serious situation. Michael: No no no no no, yes I, OK, well, alright, here's the deal. It's my fault. This is, this is totally on me. Before you guys came in, I was talking to the guys. We were all chatting and I made a joke, a really dumb joke and Craig the idiot took it seriously. [Jan looks at Michael] David: You made a joke? Michael: I did, it was stupid. And Craig, you saw him, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Although he is a tool. [David grins] David: Well I don't need to explain to you that even a joke about sexual relations with your boss... Michael: I know. It was borderline at best and... And Jan is a fantastic executive and has all the integrity in the world and um, I'm really sorry. It will never happen again. Jan: Uh, that's fine. Let's just forget it. David: Good. [Michael leaves office] Pam: Heading out? Jim: Yeah. Alright, Beesly, Hey, Happy Valentine's Day. Pam: Bye. [Jim leaves] Phyllis: Goodnight Pam. [Leaves with oversized bear on back.] Pam: Night Phyllis. Jan: Oh, Michael. Thank you again for that, really. It was very nice. Michael: Oh, no big deal. Really. Sorry again. Jan: Oh, no, it's OK. [Puts hand in way of elevator door to stop from closing.] So, uh, Happy valentine's Day. Michael: Yeah, Happy Valentine's Day. [Jan turns and then kisses Michael. Michael looks and sees camera, Jan turns and sees camera, too. Elevator door closes.] Jan: Oh. Michael: Oy vey... schmear. [Points at Fiddler on the Roof playing at Minskoff Theatre and does a dance.]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x16 - Valentine's Day"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: Let's think this through. If we ask Corporate for that then... Dwight: They are either going to say yes... or no. Michael: Could go either way. We don't know what they are going to say. Dwight: Think it through. Michael: Have to think it through. Because if they say no... Jim: Can we not? Michael: No! Yes, we have to! You know why? Because I don't like to be cooped up in that office! In that box! All day long. [Michael starts playing with a football in the office] Heisman! Because I need to think. Okay, Jim? Oh, Kevin, oh! [laughs] Nice catch. Mmmm, mmm, mmm,mmm. Os-car! Intercepted. Jim: Still want that. Michael: Give it to me. Phyllis, give me the ball. Ok, give me the ball. Give me, you guys... Creed give me the ball! Right now give it to me. Creed: Ryan! Dwight: Fumble! Yaaah! Michael: Hey, Dwight. Dwight: Hut! Hut! Hut! Hike! Michael: You all right Ryan? Dwight: Ryan. Ryan: Yeah. Michael: Pam! Dwight: Ooh. They're having a sale on TiVo. Maybe I should get a TiVo. Oh. DVD Burner! Maybe I should get one of those. You are so lucky, Jim. You are so lucky you don't have this problem. What was the 9th place prize again? A loaf of bread? Jim: Cugino's pizza. Dwight: Oh, great. Tasty, terrific pizza. Hmm. Question: Do their pizzas play DVDs? Jim: Dwight was the top salesman of the year at our company. He wins a little prize money and gets honored at some convention. It is literally the highest possible honor that a Northeastern Pennsylvania-Based Mid-size Paper Company Regional Salesman can attain, so... Jim: What did I do to deserve this? Pam: Are you sad that Dwight bat you? Jim: No. Pam: Are you going to cry, Jim? Do you need a tissue? Phyllis: Hey, I heard you got a wedding dress. Do you have pictures? Pam: Oh! I... uh... yeah. Um... I'll uh show them to you later. Phyllis: Oh. Jim: Oh, I should get back. Talk to you guys later. Pam: Ok, cool. Pam: I have a ton of stuff to do for the wedding. And I have to do it in the office. And that can be kind of awkward. Um... just because people can get all weird about wedding stuff. Then... I just... I don't want to offend... Angela... or someone. Michael: That's what she said! Dwight: Ha! I don't get it. Michael: Grapes. Seductive. So you ready for the big speech this afternoon? Dwight: Well, it's not really a big speech. You still coming right? Michael: Oh! Abso-fruit-ly. Fruit. Grapes. Nailed the joke. Matter of time. Um... And yes, it is a big speech. Biggest of your life. Michael: Speaker at the Sales Convention. Been there, done that. Went there again, did it again. Two years in a row. Consecutive. I just... I miss the feeling of knowing that you did a good job because someone gives you proof of it. Sir, you're awesome! Here's a plaque. What, a whole year has gone by and you need more proof? Here's a certificate. They stopped making plaques that year. Dwight: What if I give a really long, extended Thank You. For instance, "Thank you, Mr. Blank. Thank you very, very, very..." Michael: That would look terrible. These are mostly salesmen and salesmen expect to be entertained and you are the main act. Dwight: When I was in the sixth grade, I was a finalist in our school Spelling Bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure'. Dwight: I can't do this. Michael: That's because you're incapable of doing it because you don't know how. Because you have no skills. Dwight, there's no way I can possibly teach you what you need to know about public speaking by speech time. Dwight: Oh, okay. Michael: But I can teach you enough so that you don't embarrass me or the company. Dwight: Okay, deal! I'll do whatever you say. No questions asked. Michael: Well, if you have a question, you should ask me. Dwight: I'll try and think of one. When... Michael: Don't. Don't try and think of a question to humor me. Just... try not to be such an idiot. Dwight: Is that an insult or is that part of the public speaking advice? Michael: Insult. Pam: Mom, I'm sorry. I know you and Dad are chipping in for the wedding but I do not want orange invitations. Yes! Well, if you really want my... Jim: Hi, yeah, can I talk to one of your travel agents? Jim: I'm going to take a trip. I'm going to get out of town for a while... and go someplace... not here. Jim: Where do I want to go? Um... that is an excellent question. And one I should have probably thought about before I called you. Um... Oscar: I get here early every morning so I can set the thermostat. I like it a little cooler, around 66 degrees. I'm more productive. Maybe some people don't like it as cold as I do, but I don't care. Michael: [stand up comic voice] But seriously, what's the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman? Dwight: Saleswoman has a vagina. Michael: It's a joke, Dwight. It's not a Sex Ed class. Dwight: But I'm right? Michael: Yeah, you're right about the difference between a man and a woman, but not about the punch line to the joke, right? [stand up comic voice] The difference between a salesman and a saleswoman... is boobs! Dwight: Hey. Do you remember the speeches that you gave? Michael: I do. Both of them. Dwight: Could I have a copy of one of them? Michael: No, no! They would remember them. Look, it doesn't matter what you say. It just matters that you're saying something that people care about. Yeah? All right? Here we go. Watch this. Michael: Attention everybody! Attention please! I have some very great news from Corporate. We had a wonderful quarter and as a result all of you are getting bonuses for 1000 dollars! Dwight: Yeah! Michael: [generalized clapping and cheering] Congratulations. Phyllis: Unbelievable. Michael: You see that? You see how they responded to me? In that moment, I had them. Dwight: That is so great about the bonus! Michael: No, no! It's not true. I was just talking so just go out there and say anything. They'll eat it up. They're a great audience. Stanley: Go ahead. Get the wallpaper. Wallpaper the ceiling if you want. Call Terri and tell her she... Phyllis: It's unbelievable! Dwight: Excuse me! May I have your attention please? There has been an accident on 84 West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured. Pam: Do we know anyone who was in the accident? Dwight: Brad Pitt. Also there will be no bonuses. Stanley: Why would this affect our bonuses? Dwight: They are unrelated. Kelly: Is Brad okay? Dwight: He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing. Oscar: What the hell is going on here? Angela: Are we out of jobs? Dwight: Yes. Kelly: This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Aniston. Michael: He's kidding. Dwight was kidding and I don't know why because it wasn't funny... and it was just horrible. Stanley: Michael? Michael: Yeah. Stanley: You said we were getting bonuses. Michael: All right. Everybody in the conference room now. Let's go. Let's do it. Stanley: Cancel wallpaper. Michael: As your leader and your friend, I sort of demand that you can all speak in public as I can... and did... twice. [speaking to camera] You saw the plaque, right? [to office] All right. We're all going to go around the room and we're going to make toasts. And that way, we will overcome our fear of public speaking. Pam: You mean Toastmasters? Michael: Pam! I'm public speaking. Stop public interrupting me. Actually, this would be good practice for your wedding toast. Pam: Yeah, the bride doesn't really do... Have you ever been to a wedding? Jim: Can I go? Michael: Yes. Good. Jim taking the initiative. Jim: So. Uh... I am going on a trip. But not really sure where I'm going yet. It's kind of open-ended. So I was hoping maybe you guys would have some suggestions? Kevin: You should go to Hedonism. Jim: What is that? Kevin: It's like Club Med, but everything is naked. Jim: I was thinking more like Europe. Or something like that. But, good second choice. Toby: Been to Amsterdam. Michael: Oh ho hokay. You know what? That's not a toast. You're not standing up. Toby: [mimes lifting a glass] To Amsterdam. Jim: When did you go there? Toby: Umm... After my divorce. Yeah. Jim: Really for like how long? Toby: Uh, about a week. Er... .um... .maybe a month. I uh can't... Creed: Jimmy, listen to me. You do not want to go to Amsterdam. Trust me. Jim: Where do I want to go? Creed: I'd send you to Hong Kong. Creed: Like to say 'Hi' to my friends in China. [speaks in Chinese] Michael: Okay, Dwight. Show us what you have learned today. Dwight: Good morning, Vietnam! [general groaning] Okay. You know what? This isn't working. Because um I'm not nervous in front of them. They're my subordinates. Jim: No. We're not. Dwight: Uh, yes you are. I'm Assistant Regional Manager. Jim: Which means absolutely nothing. Dwight: Michael, can you explain? Michael: Well, it's mostly made up. So... Michael: Dwight is not going to do a job. It's sad. And they're expecting excellence because I did do such a good job. Two years in a row. I klled. It was amazing. Michael: Confidence, Dwight. Jim: Dwight. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you go? Dwight: I can travel anywhere except Cuba. And I will travel to New Zealand. And walk the 'Lord of the Rings' trail to Mordor. And then I will hike Mount Doom. So... no... just leave me alone. Jim: Okay. Just trying to get some advice on my trip. Dwight: Oh please! You're not taking any trip. Jim: You know I majored in Public Speaking in College. Dwight: You did? Jim: Mmmhmm. And the first thing they teach you is that you've got to be true to your self. And you are all about authority. Dwight: Yes. I am. Jim: The great speakers throughout history were not joke tellers. They were people of passion. So if you want to do well today, you got to do what they did. Dwight: Which is? Jim: You've got to wave your arms and you've got to pound your fists. Many times. It's supposed to emphasize your point. Jim: Ok, I didn't actually major in Public Speaking. But, I did download speeches from some of history's famous dictators. Like this one [holds up paper]. Originally given by Benito Mussolini. Jim: Ok, look. I know you are giving this speech on your own but I wrote up a few talking points for you to take a look at. I hope you don't mind. Dwight: I'll glance at it. Michael: It's time, Dwight. The grim reaper is here. Angela: The very best of luck to you, Dwight. Dwight: Thank you, Angela. Kelly: Why'd you pick the V.A. for the reception? Pam: Roy has a connection. It's nicer than you think. Ryan: You're inviting Jim? Pam: Of course. He's one of my closest friends. Michael: All right. You ready? Here we go! Wow. It's a little bit bigger than I remember. Come on. We're down here. Right. Overhead: [song] You all ready for this? Angela: [coughs] [sniffles] I am just feeling under the weather. And... I think that I will go home and rest. Kevin: I've never, ever seen you take a sick day. Angela: Well, I've seen you take enough for the both of us. Speaker: Next, I'd like to introduce the Dunder Mifflin Salesman of the Year, Dwight Schrute! Crowd: [polite clapping] Michael: Dwight, they called your name. Speaker: Dwight, how we doing? Dwight: No, I can't... I ca... Michael: All right. You know what? Okay. No. No problem. You are lucky you have me here. I'm going to cover for you. [shouts] All right! Crowd: [claps] Michael: Gooood morning, Vietnaaaam! I am not Dwight Schrute. Not at all. I am Michael Scott, his mentor and boss. And until Dwight comes up, if he ever does, I wanted to say a few words about excellence. What makes a work environment excellent? Well, there are many things, I believe, that do such a thing of that nature. And one would be humor. What is the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman? Kevin: I always set it at 69. [snickers] Pam: Maybe we'll use a DJ. That's the one thing Roy's in charge of for this wedding but all he's managed to do is set a date. Kelly: But he did a great job. June 10th is perfect. I want a June wedding. I've always wanted one. Ryan, do you know when you would want to get married? Ryan: Actually, I don't see myself ever getting married. Kelly: Oh. Pam: Ryan, you should be more sensitive. It's obvious she likes you and comments like that, they just... Ryan: I know what I said. Michael: I'm very sorry. I did not know you were wearing a hearing aid and I just thought you were speaking abnormally. ...And now the black guy from the 'Police Academy' movies. A robot. [makes robot sounds] Michael Winslow, anyone? Michael: Car starting. [makes car sounds] All right, Dwight Schrute everyone. Crowd: [clapping] Michael: Good luck. That is a tough crowd. Dwight: [bangs fists] Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day. [waves arm] how long we have been striving for greatness? [bangs fist] Not only the years we've been at wr, the wr of work, but from the moment as a child when we realized that the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime's struggle [waves arms]. A never-ending fight. I say to you [hits podium] and you'll understand that it is a privilege to fight! Crowd: [clapping] Dwight: WE ARE WARRIORS! Crowd: [clapping and cheering] Dwight: Salesman of Northeastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour! Crowd: [clapping and cheering] Dwight: [laughs maniacally] Yeah. Yes! Oscar: I've got a time share in Key West that might be available. Jim: Maybe. Thanks. Ryan: You really think you're going to go? Jim: Yeah. I'm definitely going. Ryan: Nice. Send me a postcard. Ryan: Jim has worked at the same place for five years. Jim eats the same ham and cheese sandwich everyday for lunch. I don't know. If I were a betting man, I'd say he will have a fun weekend in Philadelphia. Dwight: No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself. [bangs fists] Crowd: [claps] Dwight: Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers and door to door charlatans. This is our duty - to change their perception. I say salesmen... and women of the world unite! We must never acquiesce for it is together, TOGETHER, THAT WE PREVAIL! We must never cede control of the motherland! For it is... Crowd: [shouts] Together that we prevail! [cheering and clapping] Pam: Australia? I have always wanted to go there? Jim: I'm going. I'm a little nervous to run into Dwight on his connecting flight to Mordor. But, other than that... um, yeah, I bought the ticket, non-refundable. Pam: That's awesome. Where are you staying? Jim: I don't know. I feel like I have plenty of time to figure out the details but... Pam: When are you leaving? Jim: I'm... leaving on June 8th. Pam: Oh. Jim: Yeah. And I'm really sorry about that, I just... Pam: Oh yeah. That's too bad. Jim: Yeah. Do you want me to take these on my way out? Pam: It's ok. I got it. Jim: Alright. Dwight: Ok, thanks. [to Michael] There you are. What happened? Michael: I got thirsty. How'd it go? Dwight: It was amazing. I wish you would have been there. Michael: You would not believe what happened here. Dwight: What? Something happened? Michael: Oh! This woman came in, sat down, ordered a drink. The bartender asked for her ID which I thought was odd because I pegged her at like 35. Dwight: Weird. Michael: Yeah, it was weird. So, she was like 'I don't have my ID, please give me one.' And he was like 'I can't do that. I can't serve you.' Dwight: Con artist. Michael: She might have been. So she says 'Fine. I will go to my room. I will get my purse. I will come back. I'll show you my ID.' She hasn't come back yet. She's probably in her room drinking from the mini-bar! Right? Michael: Dwight gave a great speech. That's the word on the street anyway. And I entertained Dwight to no end with my bar stories. So, I captivated the guy who captivated a thousand guys. Can you believe that? A thousand guys?	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x17 - Dwight's Speech"}	foreverdreaming
Pam: I'm looking forward to 'Take Your Daughter to Work' day. I am not great with kids, but I wanna get better. Because I'm getting married. So, I put out a bunch of extra candy out on my desk so the kids will come talk to me. ...Like the witch in Hanzel and Gretel. Jim: Bribery. Nice. Pam: Oh, I have more. [Holds up bags of candy] Michael: Pam. Ms. Beasley if yer nastay! Janet Jackson. Hey! You having a wardrobe malfunction there? Or w--- Pam: Oh, Michael. You can't be nasty today. [whispering] 'Cause of the... [points to 'Welcome Daughters!' sign] Michael: ... Oh, God is that today? Pam: I reminded you last night. Michael: Listen, I like kids. But this is not a kid's environment. This is like HBO, no limits. Who knows what I'm going to say? Crazy stuff. And it is R rated, it is not rated G. I am like Eddie Murphy in "Raw," and they are trying to make me into Eddie Murphy in "Daddy Daycare." both great movies, but, still. Michael: Well, I'll be in my office. Pam: Don't you think you should say something? Michael: They're cool. Pam: Michael, I think that as the boss you should really--- Michael: Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Hi, children. I'm Michael Scott, and... I... am in charge of this place... ahh, what'll make you... understand... I am... like Superman, and the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City. Jim and Dwight: [in unison] That's Batman. Michael: Okay, I'm Aquaman. Where does he live, guys? Jim: The ocean. Michael: [under his breath] I work with a bunch of nerds. Dwight: [looks at Sasha] Mmm... hello tiny one. Toby: [to Sasha] Come on. Dwight: You are the future! Kevin: This... is my file cabinet. Uhm... oh. This... is the partition... between my desk... and Angela's. Kevin: Abby's my fiancee Stacy's daughter, I think she'll have a good time. I just hope she doesn't look on my computer. ...Actually, I'd better go check. Stanley: Michael, you remember my daughter, Melissa. Michael: Oh, yes, hello, how are you? Good to see you. Wow, you've really grown up. You know what? Don't mind me saying so, she is turning into a stone cold fox. Better keep the... frat boys away from her. Melissa: I'm in eighth grade. Michael: Oh. Stanley: She's in middle school. Michael: Yeah, middle school's amazing. It is extraordinary. An extraordinary time. Michael: It's not that children make me uncomfortable, it's just that, why be a dad when you can be a fun uncle? I've never heard of anyone rebelling against their fun uncle. Michael: [while Jake is throwing things at Michael] They want how many spiral pads? Meredith: Um, fif--well, fifty... I... over ordered because they had a back order. Michael: Okay. Meredith: I got permission to bring Jake into work, which is great because he got suspended this week and now I don't have to pay for a sitter. Angela: Can you put that down there? Kelly: Yep. [spreads tablecloth] Toby: [to Sasha] Okay, tell them what you wanted to say. Sasha: Do you need any help? Angela: No. Thanks. We'd... have to explain everything, it's probably just easier if we do it ourselves. Toby: Alright, I wasn't expecting that. Let's uh... let's go draw. Kelly: Oh my God, she is so cute, I want to die. Don't you just love kids, Angela? Angela: I guess I wouldn't mind a pair of small, well-behaved boys. Kelly: God I cannot wait to get pregnant and have babies! Ryan: Kelly and I both agreed that we would just have fun, and, I'm learning that fun for Kelly is... getting married and having babies. Immediately. With me. Michael: [on phone] Just compare last year's order to this year's. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. [Sasha walks in the door] ... Yes. We--yeah, they're very--they're different. [Sasha walks out] Yeah, we can stick with last year's, you're just going to have to supplement it, somehow. Pam: Hey, Abby! Do you want to help me shred some old documents? It's actually pretty cool. Abby: No thanks. Pam: I only have one goal today. To make one kid like me. Just one. Jim: What are you reading? Abby: From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. Jim: Aww, best book? Abby: Yeah, but I've read it before. Jim: Pfft. So have I. Hey, question. If you had to spend a night in the Met or the Aquarium, which would it be? Abby: Definitely the Aquarium. Jim: Definitely. Yes. Glad you said that. ...You don't want to help me with some of my sales, do you? 'Cause, I'm kind of swamped. Abby: Sure. Jim: Really? Abby: Mmhmm! Jim: Yesss. And you're Abby, right? Abby: Yeah. Jim: I'm Jim. [Jim hi-fives Abby] Annnnd... let's sell some paper. Abby: Alright. Jim: Let's start with... your mom. Michael: [on phone] Yes. Well... we can... [Sasha walks in, begins playing with Michael's toy train] uhm... hey, uh, you know what? Can I call you back? I'll call you right back. Yes, I promise. ...Hello, can I help you? ... You can pick that up, if you want. That's--- that's alright. [Sasha moves the train to Michael's desk] Want to bring it over... here, make some room. My name's Michael. What's your name? Sasha: Sasha. Michael: Nice to meet you. Sasha: Ooh! [picks up train whistle] Michael: Oh, you know what that is! That is a train whistle, like I'm the conductor. [blows into whistle] But I'm sort of the conductor of the office here, right? [blows into whistle] You want to try? Sasha: Sure. [Sasha blows into whistle continously] Michael: All aboard for sales! Next stop, Cu...camonga! [Sasha and Michael laugh] Jim: [shaking hands with Abby] Ow, ow, ow, ow, you broke my hand. Dwight: There is no way that hurt. Jim: Really? 'Cause she's pretty strong, Dwight. Dwight: Little girl. Come over here. Shake my hand. Come on, I don't have all day. [Abby shakes his hand] I don't feel anything. Nothing. [to Jim] You're so weak. [Jake walks over and messes with Dwight's bobbleheads] Uh, excuse me, these are expensive collector's items, okay? Jake: Do you have any computer games? Dwight: No, I don't have computer games on my work computer. That would be innappropriate. Jake: Yeah, Meredith doesn't have any either. It's so lame here. Dwight: You call your mom Meredith? That's very disrespectful. Jake: Whatever, okay? Dwight: You can refer to me as Mister Schrute. Jake: That's your name? Mister Poop? Dwight: Schrute. Mister Schrute. Jake: Sure, Mister Poop. [Jake walks away] Dwight: [quietly] ... Schrute. [Jim and Abby snicker, Angela glares at Dwight] Sasha: [to Phyllis] Are you Mother Goose? Melissa: I drink like, a hundred Ice Macchiatos a day, and practically nothing else. Ryan: Wow. Melissa: There's a really cool coffee place, Jitters, at the Steamtown Mall. Ever been there? Ryan: No. Melissa: You've never been to Jitters? Ryan, you are so dorky. Gimme your number, so I can text you. Ryan: Uhm... Melissa: Come on! [Kelly glares through the door] You have an email address? Kelly: ...that I thought you should know ... Stanley: Mmhmm. What? Kelly: I think something a little fishy is going on. [points to Ryan and Melissa] Stanley: A little fishy? Kelly: Yeah. I mean, I've been noticing them all day, I was thinking that maybe ... [Stanley gets up] Stanley: That little girl is a child! I don't want to see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon, do you understand?! Ryan: Yes, I-- Stanley: Boy have you lost your mind? 'Cause I'll help you find it! Whatcha lookin' for, ain't nobody gonna help you out there! Jesus could come through that door and he's not gonna help you if you don't stop sniffing after my child! Ryan: Okay. Ryan: Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life. Dwight: [plays the recorder] That was Greensleeves. A traditional English Ballad about the beheaded Anne Boleyn. And now, a very special treat... a book my Grandmutter used to read me when I was a kid. This is a very special story, it's called Struwwelpeter, by Heinrich Hoffman from 1864. [reading from book] The great tall tailor always comes to little girls that suck their thumbs--- are you listening, Sasha? Right? And 'ere they dream when he's about, he takes his great sharp scissors out, and then cuts their thumbs clean off! Michael: Dwight! Dwight! Dwight: There's a photo... Michael: What the hell are you reading to them? Dwight: These are cautionary tales for kids, my Grandmata used to read these--- Michael: Yeah, you know what? No, no no no no. They, no. The kids don't want to hear some wierdo book that your nzi wr criminal grandmother gave you. Sasha: What's a nzi? Michael: What's a nzi? Dwight: [standing up] nzi was a fascist movement... Michael: Don't! Dwight: ...from the 1930's... Michael: Don't! Don't! Don't talk about nzi in front of--- you know what? They're going to have nightmares, so why don't you just shut it? Dwight: I was gonna teach the children how to make corn-husk dolls. Michael: [sighing] Why don't you just leave? Okay? Dwight: ...Okay. Jake: Bye, Mister Poop. Michael: Alright. There goes Mister Poop. Now, who likes Dane Cook? The Kids: [raising hands] I do, I do! Michael: Children cannot lie. They are innocent, and they speak the truth, and out of the mouths of babes, Michael Scott is freaking cool. [cracks up] Angela: You know, I never misbehaved in front of my father because he was a very strict disciplinarian. I can only hope my mate has some of those same qualities [makes eye contact with Dwight]. Michael: This is where the magic happens! Right over here, let me show you this. See all these? [pets shelf of paper] You know what that is? That's paper. This is where paper comes from. Any questions? Melissa: So... you cut the paper and dye it and stuff. Michael: No, we don't actually cut the paper. That's a good question. The paper is sent to us cut, and dyed, from a paper manufacturer, and then we sell it to a business for more than we paid for it. Abby: That's not fair. [the rest of the kids agree] Michael: Yes it is, well, w-w--you need someone in the middle to facilitate... Jake: You're just a middleman. Michael: I'm not just a middle... man... Melissa: Wait, why doesn't the saw mill just sell paper directly to people? Michael: You are describing Office Depot, and they're kind of running us out of business. Dwight: We have better service than they do! Michael: ...There's Creed! Let's take a look at what he's doing, everybody! This is Creed, and he is in charge of... something. Right? Creed: That is correct. Michael: Say hi to the kids. Creed: Hi kids. Michael: Yaaaaay. Creed: Have you ever seen a foot with four toes? [begins untying shoe] Kids: Ewwww! Michael: What are you doing? N--stop it! Stop it! Just--no, no, no, no! No! Would you cut it out?! What is your problem? Creed: Th-the hair covers it, mostly. Michael: No no no, we're not gonna see--- we're not gonna see the four toed... Creed, okay? Michael: You know, there's something interesting about me you might want to know. I ... used to be ... the star of a kids show. Kids: No way. Michael: It's true. I did. Melissa: You serious? Jake: Really? Michael: I am totally serious. There was a show called 'Fundle Bundle' and I was the star. Abby: That doesn't sound like a show. Melissa: What?! Michael: It's true! I can prove it! I can prove it, watch this. [gets up and runs out] Ryan, can you come here a second? [clears throat] I would like you to go to my mother's house in Dickson city, and if she is in the pool, the back kitchen window should be unlocked, I want you to boost yourself up, I want you to go down to the basement. In the basement is a tape labeled 'Fundle Bundle'. I want you to grab it, I want you to get my guitar. Ryan: Right. Okay. Michael: I want you to get the tambourine. Do you know how to play the tambourine? Ryan: Um, I'm already getting the pizzas from Bernetti's, so... Melissa: You know, I can go with him. Michael: Oka-- Ryan: No! I will... go. Michael: Okay! Thank you Ryan. Good attitude, hottest in the office. Michael: [to Abby] Alright, nowwww... what kind... of pizza do you like? Michael: I don't get why parents are always complaining about how tough it is to raise kids. You joke around with them, you give them pizza, you give them candy, you let them live their lives... They're adults, for God's sake. Michael: I am going to give you a little blast from the past of Michael Gary Scott when he was a child star, and a show that you might remember called 'Fundle Bundle.' Okay? Without further ado, Ryan? Miss Trudy: [from TV] ...Bundle, are you ready to come on in? [TV children cheer] Let's have some fun! Michael: That... is Miss Trudy. Can't tell from the costume, but she had an amazing body. Okay, you can... fast forward. And... I want you... to... Dwight: Is that a real fun sh**ting windmill? Michael: Stop! Stop! Stop! [Ryan resumes the tape] Yes! That is, uh, Edward R. Meow. Jim: That's pretty funny. Michael: Yeah. Edward R. Meow: ...Recess! Hey, what's your name? Chet: My name's Chet. Edward R. Meow: Well hi Chet. Oscar: Is that Chet Montgomery? Michael: Uhh, I don't know. Pam: That is! Darryl: Checkin' in with Chet. Doppler's up. Edward R. Meow: What do you want to be when you grow up? Chet: I want to be on TV! Dwight: [employees chuckle] And he is on TV now! Michael: Can everyone please shut up, please! So you don't miss it. Edward R. Meow: Okay, next? So, whats your name? Michael: Oh! That's me. Shh. Shh. Edward R. Meow: Well what's your favorite subject at school? Young Michael: Recess. Edward R. Meow: Ree-cesss. So tell me, what do you want to be when you grow up? Young Michael: I want to be married and have a hundred kids so I can have a hundred friends, and no one can say no to being my friend. Edward R. Meow: [jaw drops, awkward pause] Uh, ah... oh, okay! Well uh, nice talking with you, Michael. Uh, back to you Miss Trudy! Miss Trudy: Hi everyone, it's one of my favorite times of the day. Michael: Coulda sworn there was... Melissa: Did you get married? Michael: ...uh, no. Abby: Why not? Michael: Uh, just never happened. Sasha: So, do you have any kids? Michael: Uh, nope. Jake: Do you have a girlfriend? Michael: I do okay. Melissa: Was Chet Montgomery cool back then? Michael: Yes. Jake: Even I have a girlfriend. Michael: Okay! Alright, okay. Sasha: So you didn't get to be what you wanted to be. Michael: ...I guess not... you know, I have a load of work to do so I am going to grab a slice of this delish pizza... and I'm going to go do my work. Bye. Pam: He's not coming out. He won't pick up the phone. Jim: Can't believe his mom dressed him like that, that's the real tragedy. Roy: [wrestling with Jake] Pam! Pam! I love this guy! [laughs] Come on! Pam: So, Melissa... I met your mom a couple times. She's so nice. Melissa: Who? Terry? Pam: Mmhmm. Melissa: That woman is not my mother. That is my step-mother. Jake: Mister Poop, I have to tell you something. Dwight: Uh, okay. But first, that's not my name. Jake: You're ugly. Dwight: Well at least I'm not a horrible little latchkey kid who got suspended from school. So... Jake: Meredith! Michael: [Toby knocks on door] Yeah? Toby: I think these belong to you. [puts toys down on desk] Michael: Oh, that's okay, she can keep those. Toby: Believe me, she has enough toys... she doesn't need your watch. Michael: Thank you. Toby: Is everything okay? Michael: You have to ask me that because you work for human resources. Toby: Uh... it's true... Michael: Well, sure, playing the field is great, don't get me wrong, but there's more to life than notches just on my bedpost. Toby: Mmhmm. Michael: Tell me something honestly, do you... think... that it is too late for me to have kids? Toby: Well, you need a wife first, or at least a girlfriend. Michael: What about... Toby: Not Jan. Michael: ...Jan. Kay. Toby: If you really want to have kids, I--- I guess you could somehow... foster parent, or something. Michael: ...Or biologically. Toby: Somehow. Michael: Thanks, that's, no, that... that really means a lot to me. Hey, does Sasha have a godfather, because I... Toby: Yes. Michael: Oh... kay. Jake: Is it okay if I take one? Pam: Sure. Jake: Thank you. Pam: You're welcome. Jake: Is your job hard? Pam: It's not too bad. I get to shred things sometimes, do you want to see? Jake: Yeah! Pam: Really? Jake: Yeah. Pam: Okay. Um... here it is. Don't put your fingers in there. [shreds paper] Cool huh? Jake: That's so cool, yeah! Pam: Yeah, I get to do this like, every week. Jake: That's so awesome! Pam: I know. Michael: Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And... I have a great one [types]. Little kid lover. That way, people will know exactly where my priorities are at. Kevin: Go ahead. Abby: Do you want to come over for dinner tonight? Jim: Ohh, man, I would love to! I can't tonight, but can I come over some other time? [Abby nods] Kevin: What're you doing? You never have plans. Jim: Thanks, Kev. Uhm... I'm actually going on a date. Kevin: Niiice. Michael: Hey, uh, no, please? You can't leave yet. There's still one more thing we need to do. Michael: [singing] You... who are on the road... must have a code... that you can live by... [Dwight joins in] and so... become yourself... because the past... is just a goodbye... and teach... your children well... Jim: Why does he own a guitar if he doesn't know how to play? Pam: I think he thought his ukulele skills would transfer. [Jim leaves] Michael and Dwight: [singing] ...did slowly go by... and feed... them on your dreams... Pam: My theory is that... [Jim signals he's leaving, waves bye to Pam] Michael and Dwight: [singing] ...The one they picked... the one you'll know by... don't you ever ask them why... if I told you would cry... you never look at them and sigh... and know they love you... Dwight: And they do, your parents, love you very much. Michael: One more time. [singing] You... Dwight: The Schrutes consider children very valuable. In the olden days, the women would bear many children, so we would have enough laborers to work the fields. And if it was an especially cold winter, and there weren't enough grains or vegetables, they would eat the weakest of the brood. [Laughs] They didn't eat the children.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x18 - Take Your Daughter to Work Day"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: So, Phil recruited me to sell these cards, and now I am recruiting you. Oscar: Who is this guy again? Michael: Don't worry about Phil. He drives a corvette. He is doing just fine. Okay. Calling cards are... the wave of the future. These things sell themselves. Ryan: Who uses calling cards anymore? Michael: You know what? That's a nice attitude, Ryan, I'm just helping you invest in your future, my friend. Oscar: This sounds like a get rich quick scheme. Michael: Yes! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will! Toby: Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from the email? Michael: You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country, okay? ...Alright, so, raise your hand if you wanna get rich. [Jim and Dwight raise their hands] Alright. Jim: No, um. How is this not a pyramid scheme? Michael: Alright, let me explain. Again. [draws on board] Phil has recruited me and another guy. Now, we are getting three people each. The more people that get involved, the more who are investing, the more money we're all going to make. It's not a pyramid scheme, it is a... it's not even a scheme per se, it's... [Jim draws a triangle around Michael's diagram] ... I have to go make a call. Pam: Happy birthday Michael. Michael: Oh ho ho! What? Pam: I said happy birthday. Michael: Thank you! That's really nice. Michael: Today is my B-day, and people around here just go crazy for it. I don't know why. Oh! Fun fact. I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So, I have a perfect ice-breaker if I ever meet Terry Hatcher. Michael: What's up? Jim: Hey. ...Oh, happy birthday. Michael: Ah, thank you sir. Meredith: Did you hear anything yet? Kevin: No. I'm still waiting. Michael: [Dwight knocks on door] Yeah. Dwight: Yes. There he is, the birthday boy! Michael: Ohh, god. Dwight: Birthday hug! Michael: No no no, no, new suit, please. Dwight: That suit is amazing. Michael: Thank you very much. It is from Italy. [checks jacket] Actually--- no, Bulgaria. Dwight: Mmm. Maybe I should get one. Michael: Good luck. One of a kind. Dwight: Ebay. Hm. Question! May I be in charge of the party planning festivities? Michael: Not necessary, the party planning committee is all over it. They've been working twenty-four seven all day yesterday. Dwight: Excellent. On my part, I did manage to reserve the... Michael: Don't! Nope! Please, don't want to spoil it for anybody. Spoil the surprise. Dwight: Let's get the party started. [Begins 'raising the roof'] Michael: Let's get the party started. Not the way I taught you! [Michael joins in] Phyllis: When should we bring out the cake, one or one thirty? Pam: One's good. Angela: One thirty. [Pam yawns] I'm sorry, are we boring you? Dwight: Party planning committee, listen up. Michael would like trick candles for his birthday cake, so make that a priority. Phyllis: Where do we get those? Dwight: Not my problem. Here is a list of things that Michael would like to be surprised by. [hands list to Pam] Pam: Michael wants a strippergram? Dwight: Yes, but he doesn't want to know when, or whom. Angela: No. This is a closed door meeting. Michael: [answering phone] Yeah? Pam: Michael, I have Jan on the line. Michael: Oh, great, put her through. Jan: Hello, Michael. Michael: Hey, you. Jan: I'm... returning your call, you said it was urgent. Michael: It is urgent, I just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday. Jan: Well, today's not my birthday, so... Michael: Really? 'Cause, I thought we had the same birthday. Jan: ...Happy birthday, Michael. Michael: Thanks. [grins] Jan: Am I on camera? Michael: Nope. Totally private. You can say whatever is in your heart. [Jan hangs up] Michael: [to Ryan, sitting across from Michael] ...You can take a five, if you want. Michael: Somebody brought in donuts for my birthday! Stanley: Mmhmm, happy birthday. Michael: Thanks. Jim: Man, I'm so sorry. When do you find out? Kevin: They said this afternoon. They're waiting on a second opinion. Jim: Oh, okay. Kelly: Second opinion on what? Kevin: Um, I might have skin cancer. Kelly: Oh, no! I was watching Grey's Anatomy, and there was a lifeguard on it, and he had skin cancer too. Jim: Kelly, you know what... Kelly: I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister's. Toby: Who brought in donuts? Michael: Somebody got donuts for my birthday! Toby: Happy birthday! Michael: You didn't know it was my birthday. Toby: I... guess I forgot. Michael: Well, I guess I forgot to give you a donut [closes box]. Toby: Are you serious? Michael: Mmm. Oscar: Skin cancer is treatable. Kevin: Right. Oscar: It's going to be okay. Angela: You don't know it's going to be okay. Don't give him false hope. ...It's probably nothing, though. Delivery Woman: Hi, delivery for Michael Scott. Michael: Here we go. Ohhhkay, this is great! [giggles] Thank you my friends, she is perfect! Ahhh, Dwight, may I have your chair please? And, um, some singles, if you will! Allllright. Nnnnn-dink! [puts single into delivery woman's pocket, giggles] Okay, um, alright. This has arms. Is that gonna be a... is that alright? Delivery Woman: Uh... s-sure. Michael: [laughing] Okay. I'm so nervous. Pam: I can sign for it. Delivery Woman: Oh. Thanks. Michael: When I was seven, my mother hired a pony and a cart to come to my house for all the kids... and... I got a really bad rash from the pony, and all the kids got to ride the pony and I had to go inside, and my mother was rubbing cream on me... for probably three hours, and I never came outside. And by the time I got out the pony was already in the truck. And around the corner. So that was my worst birthday. Michael: [eating donuts while Dwight plays the recorder] Stop it. Stop! What is that? Dwight: It's 'For the Longest Time,' by William Joel. It's you favorite song. Michael: Yeah, well, it's on the radio. My birthday blows. Nobody even signed my birthday poster. Probably my mother is the only one that cares enough to send me anything. Dwight: I probably care more than she does. Michael: You're making it worse. I bet Luke Perry's friends don't treat him like this [points to James Dean poster]. Pam: When does he hear? Jim: Sometime today. Pam: Ohh... poor Kevin. Pam: If I knew I had a week to live, I would... probably go to Europe. And South America. And the Grand Canyon. And... I would want to see the Pacific Ocean. ...It would be a pretty busy week. Dwight: Uh, that's a list price of four dollars and fifty cents. Unfortunately, this item is on [watch beeps] back... order... [hangs up] Michael! Michael! Michael Michael Michael! Come here, come here, come here! Come here! Michael: What? Dwight: Listen up everyone! It is 11:23 exactly, the exact moment when you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal, so... huh?! Right, have a seat. Please. Michael: [grinning] Ohhh, God. Dwight: There is a tradition that the Hebrews have of hoisting the birthday boy up on a chair. Michael: Ohhh, no. Dwight: So come help me celebrate Michael's birth moment. Kevin! Oscar: ...I'll do it. Michael: Ohh, no, no, no! I can't... Ryan, come on. Let's do this. Dwight: Creed! Come on. Stanley! Pam: ...I feel like we should go get Kevin something. Do you think we can sneak out of here? Jim: Maybe, but... we're gonna need somebody to create a diversion, and... Dwight: On three, we're going to hoist away! Ready? Michael: Okay. Dwight: Happy birth moment, Michael. Michael: Thank you. Dwight: One. Two. Three! [Michael is raised until his head hits the ceiling] Michael: Whoa whoa! Alright. Alright. Watch it... please. Dwight: Oscar... Oscar: It wasn't me. Dwight: Okay, that is not an eight foot sub. Delivery Boy: Uh, we don't make an eight foot sub. This is eight one foot subs. Dwight: F. Alright, what's the damage? Delivery Boy: Uh, thirty-nine sixty. Dwight: [pulls out wallet] Thirty nine... sixty. Dwight: Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because... I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones. Dwight: Here they come. Michael: Get in here... everybody. Dwight: Come and get it! Michael: Birthday party subs! My gift to you. Oscar: What is this? Dwight: Uh, bologna, tomato and ketchup. Michael: The best. Stanley: These are all the same? Michael: Yes. Angela: Bologna? I don't eat bologna. Michael: Well, then just have the tomato and ketchup. Still good. Angela: No. Michael: Just the bread, it's fresh baked. Angela: No. Michael: Mm-kay. Get whatever you want. [under breath] And choke on it. Michael: When I was sixteen, I was supposed to go out on a date with a girl named Julie. But there was another Michael in the class that she apparently thought the date was with, so she went out with him, on my birthday. And, she got him a cake, at the restaurant. And it wasn't even his birthday, but I heard about it the next day in school. So... That was the worst birthday I think I ever had. Jim: So. We got Kev some stuff. Um... a party pack of M&M's, his favorite candy. A DVD of American Pie 2, which is his favorite movie, and, he lent it to Creed, so, I can guarantee you he won't get that back. Pam: Sixty-nine cup of noodles. Jim: Which we realize sounds crass, but, it... is his favorite number. Pam: And his favorite lunch. Dwight: Hey temp, you know uh, we still got five feet of sandwich left [pulls ice cream cake out of freezer]. Ryan: [making peanut butter and jelly sandwich] Someone ate three feet of that thing? Dwight: Hell, yeah. Save room for ice cream cake. Angela: [grabs cake] Oh. Thank you. Dwight: Oh. I got it. Angela: What are--- it's... the party planning committee. Dwight: [whispering] This is the most important day of the year. I can't risk anything. Angela: Fine. Dwight: What about that meeting... later... to discuss finances? Angela: Yes... [whispering] but don't expect any cookie. Dwight: [whispering] But what if i'm hungry? Angela: [whispering] No cookie. Jim: [puts fabric softener into cart] ...What? Pam: You use fabric softener? Jim: Yeah, you don't? Pam: No, I do. Jim: ...Okay. Office Staff: [singing] Happy birthday dear Michael, [Michael joins in, Kevin's phone rings] Happy birthday... [everyone but Dwight stops] ...tooo youuuu. Kevin: Hello? Hey. Michael: Kevin? Respect the birthday please. Kevin: No, um, no not yet. I will. Bye. [hangs up] It was just Stacy. Michael: Are you done? ...Good. Okay. Dwight: Here we go. Make a wish. Michael: Uhhh... blow out the candle. Okay. Mmmm... [blows out the candles] Dwight: Yaoo yay! [claps] Michael: ... I asked for trick candles. Dwight: Pam was supposed to get 'em. Michael: Okay. Well, when she comes back we'll do it again. [notices Meredith hugging Kevin] Hello, what about the birthday boy? Haven't had a hug all day. Angela: No one cares about your birthday. Kevin's waiting to hear if he has skin cancer. Michael: ... Aww, that... sucks, great. ... Wow, that's good timing. That's... that's, sorry, that's terrible. Terrible news. That's terrible... terrible news for both of us [takes cake into office and slams the door]. Pam: [checking watch] We should probably head back. Jim: Yeah. Okay. Oh. I dare you to make an announcement. Pam: You dare me? How old are you? Jim: Just... quit stalling. Pam: [over loudspeaker, imitating Darth Vader] Luke, this is your father. Come set the table for dinner. Jim: Such a dork. Pam: [loudspeaker] Jim Halpert? Price check on fabric softener, the kind that gives you... Store Employee: Ma'am? Please don't touch that. That is not a toy. Pam: Oh I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Jim: How old are you? Pam: I hate you. Toby: [to Kevin] Honestly, is there any way you can get on your fiancee's plan? Our health plan is s... just... it's terrible. Michael: There you are. Good news. Did some research. It turns out that 98% of people with skin cancer fully recover. Kevin: Still scary. Michael: Yeah, but it's not brain cancer. And it shouldn't stop us from having fun. You know what they say the best medicine is. Kevin: Well the doctor said a combination of interferon and dicarbazine. Michael: And laughter... also. Toby: I don't really think people are in the laughing mood. Michael: Why are you here? I didn't even invite you to my birthday party. Toby: I work here. Michael: [mocking voice] Nyeh, I work here. [to Kevin] Alright, well, you know what, since Toby doesn't speak for everybody and I am your boss, I... think you should just go home. Take the rest of the afternoon off. Take a sick day. Kevin: If I go home now, I'll just drive myself crazy. Michael: Well, you're pretty much driving everyone else here crazy... crazy with worry. Dwight: Where have you been? And don't say the bathroom, 'cause I kicked in all the stalls. Jim: Well that's an invasion of privacy, so, I'm going to tell Michael. Dwight: Please, don't. Jim: You... owe me. Michael: Excuse me, everyone. Attention please. Kevin, we're going to take you to a very special place, a place that will make you happy, and a place that is far, far away from the evil sun. Stanley: Is this trip related in any way to your... birthday? Michael: How dare you sir. You are gross. Michael: [sees 'Happy Birthday Michael Scott!' poster at skating rink] That should not be there. Dwight: I'll get someone to take it down. Michael: No, it's alright. It's already up. Just leave it. Where's Kevin? Come on! Let's get our skate on! Kelly: Don't be scared! You're good! You're good! Ryan: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Jim: Think you can let go? Pam: No. [laughs] Jim: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. [Michael skates by] Dwight: YEAH! Pam: Who is that? Jim: Is that Michael? Michael: Yeah, I've been pretty much skating my whole life. I thought about playing in the NHL, but, you're on the road so much. You got no time to spend with your wife and kids. And I really want a wife and kids. Pam: I got it. Michael: Hey Pam, all this stuff with Kevin... um, it's pretty scary. And I'm thinking that uh, next time you're in the shower, you should check yourself out. You know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time bags. Alright? Think about it. Jim: ...It's something to think about. Kevin: I can't relax about it, you know? Michael: Kevin. You heard anything yet? Kevin: No, not yet. Michael: Okay. Well. Live strong. Kevin: Okay, Michael. Michael: Alright. Carol: Michael? Michael: Yeah. Carol? She sold me my condo! Hey! What, is this place on the market? Or... Carol: Uhh, no, I... don't just sell real estate. Uh, my daughter has a skating lesson. Michael: Oh, these... all your kids? Carol: No just the front two. Michael: Oh, hey guys. Whats up? You wanna go for a ride? Is that okay? Carol: Sure. Michael: Cool. Alright. Grab on. Here we go. Ready? Hang on tight. Alright. We are moving. We are reaaallly mooovin' now! Michael: Push. Good! That's great. You got it. [Kevin's phone rings] Excuse me. Kevin: Hello? Yeah okay. Alright. Okay, I will, thanks. [hangs up] It was negative. Michael: Oh... God... [stomps] God! [throws hockey stick and yellow paper bracelet down] We're gonna b*at this, okay? We're gonna... come here [hugs Kevin]. Michael: Well, apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community, that would... be... chaos. Kevin: This is awesome. Thanks, you guys. Michael: Okay, who's this from? Wowwwee, look at that! Jersey! Dwight: Turn it around. Turn it around. Michael: Cool. Ohh. Great. From Dwight. Dwight: Number one!! Michael: Thank you... Dwight. That's great. Thanks. Pam: Michael? Michael: Yeah. Pam: This is from all of us. Michael: Oh! You didn't need to do that. ...Nightswept. This is... really amazing. Thank you. I love it. Pam: Michael's birthday was actually pretty cool. It was a good day. I don't know... It was a good day.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x19 - Michael's Birthday"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: Kevin Malone, you're next. Spit that out. [Kevin shoves the rest of the donut he's eating into his mouth] Spit... Okay, come on, let's go. Jim: You look cute today, Dwight. Dwight: Thanks, girl. Jim: So, yesterday Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. Which is unfortunate because as it turns out, Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs. Dwight: Let's go over some of the symptoms of marijuana use, shall we? You tell me who this sounds like: slow moving, inattentive, dull, constantly snacking, shows a lack of motivation. Kevin: [nods] Hey... Dwight: I like the people I work with generally, with four exceptions. But someone committed a crime and I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't. Jim: [mimicking Stanley] I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip. Pam: [laughs] Jim does the best impressions. Sometimes he'll look up at me from his desk and he'll just be someone else. Like he'll go um, [makes mournful face, giggles] that's supposed to be Phyllis. I can't do it as good as he can. Kelly: And the guys are saying, chug, chug, chug, but I'm so small and all I'd eaten that day was one of those Auntie Anne pretzels from the food court so I said "Is it okay if I sip it?" and they said no, but Ryan seemed cool either way. Dwight: Stop! This is not Kelly Kapoor story hour. Illegal drugs were consumed on company property, okay? Your ass is on the line, mister! My ass is is on the line! Now I'm going to ask you again. What time did you go home last night? Kelly: Six. Dwight: I didn't know that you were at a party on Saturday night. Ryan: I go to a lot of parties. Dwight: Okay, I'm gonna need to search your car. Give me you keys. Ryan: I am not giving you my keys. Dwight: Don't make me do this the hard way. Ryan: What's the hard way? Dwight: I go down to the police station on my lunch break. I tell a police officer, I know several, what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant, once he has said warrant, he will drive over here, and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him. Ryan: Yeah, let's do it that way. Michael: Ry, is he bugging you? Dwight, dude, you gotta take a chill pill, man. It was one joint in the parking lot. You know, you're totally harshing the office mellow. Dwight: I can't stop this investigation. It is my job. Jim: Whoa. You are a volunteer. Dwight: I volunteered for this job. Jim: And that's not the same. Dwight: It is my duty... Jim: [interrupting] Volunteer duty. Dwight: ...to investigate the crime scene. I have six more interviews to go and then I will reveal what I know. Michael: [fake coughing] Narc! Kevin: [giggling] Dwight: If you are attempting to compliment me then you have done a very good job. Michael: I wasn't attempting to compliment you. Dwight: Well, you have... Michael: Uuf, well... Dwight: ...because being a narc is one of the hardest jobs that you can have... Michael: [shakes head] Okay... Dwight: ...and I am very proud of being a narc. Michael: Why don't you just cool it, cool it Dwight, please, God! [to Jim] Dude, where's my office? [Jim quietly laughs] I totally lost it, 'cause I was half-baked. Smokin' doobies. Doobie brothers, I was smokin' doobies with my brothers. Peace out, Seacrest! Jim: Well, your office is behind you. Michael: Thanks. M-m-munchies. Who wants some munchies? Ryan: I don't think Michael's ever done drugs. I don't know if anyone has ever offered him any. Dwight: Oscar visited Mexico when he was five to attend his great-grandmother's funeral. What does that mean to a United States law enforcement officer? He's a potential drug mule. Dwight: Have you ever taken any illegal drugs? Oscar: No, I have not. Dwight: Do you think it's possible that maybe you could have had some drugs in your system without you knowing about it? Oscar: What are you implying? Dwight: Have you ever... pooped... a balloon? Oscar: Okay. I'm done with this. Dwight: He sure left in a hurry. Dwight: I don't want to blow this. This is what all good law enforcement officers dream of. The chance to solve an actual crime. Dwight: Do you know what this is? [pushing a photo toward her] Phyllis: Yes, it's marijuana. Dwight: How do you know that? Phyllis: It's labeled. Dwight: [grabs pictures back and looks at it] Dammit. Creed: That is Northern Lights Cannabis Indica. Dwight: No, it's marijuana. Jim: I'm just saying that you can't be sure that is wasn't you. Dwight: That's ridiculous, of course it wasn't me. Jim: Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember. Dwight: I would remember. Jim: Well, how could you, if it just erased your memory? Dwight: That's not how it works. Jim: Now how do you know how it works? Dwight: Knock it off, okay, I'm interviewing you. Jim: No! You said that I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here. Now exactly how much pot did you smoke? Dwight: [opens eyes wide in total surprise] Oscar: So Pam told me that you do a great Stanley impression, I'd love to hear it. Jim: Oh, um...[mimicking Stanley] Why do you keep CC'ing me on things that have nothing to do with me? [Pam and Oscar laugh, Stanley walks in, and Oscar leaves quickly] Stanley: Is that supposed to be me? Jim: Oh, hey Stanley. Uh, I was just doing an impression. Stanley: I do not think that is funny. Pam: He does everyone in the office. Stanley: Hmmmpt. Pam/Jim: [in unison] I do not think that is funny. Pam: Jinx! Buy me a coke. Jim: Oh... Pam: No, no, no, no talking. Jim is not allowed to talk until after he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid. [Jim puts money in drink machine, selection is sold out] Pam: Sold out? That has never happened in the history of jinx. Jim: [mouths] C'mon! Pam: Sorry, that's not my problem. Jim: [presses drink button, looks at camera, makes Jim-face] Dwight: I know you're innocent, but I can't look like I'm treating you any differently. Angela: I understand. Dwight: Where were you yesterday after work? Angela: [smiles knowingly] Michael: Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Who's he calling? Ratting somebody out. Narc! Narc! Kevin? Kevin: That is so good, Michael Michael: Remember the narc bit? [laughs] Uh-oh, who's in trouble? Dwight: Attention everyone. Drug testers are coming in a couple of hours to test everyone's urine. Michael: Waa... what? What are you talking about? Dwight: Company policy. If drugs are found on the premises there is atmatic drug testing conducted within twenty-four hours. Oscar: Is that true, Toby? Toby: Oh, when you sign your job application you agree to comply with random drug testing. Michael: Two nights ago, I went to an Alicia Keys concert at the Montage Mountain Performing Arts Center. I scored these great aisle seats. Anyway, after the opening act this beautiful girl sits down next to me and I never get to meet girls with lip rings and she had one. I don't know exactly how this happened but one of her friends started passing around some stuff and they said it was clove cigarettes, and I'm sure that it was clove cigarettes. Everybody in the aisle was doing it. Michael: Okay, attention everyone the drug testing has been cancelled. Instead, I will be going around to each of you and doing a visual inspection. Dwight: No you can't do that. Michael: I can do that, it is my office. Dwight: No you cannot. It has to be official, and it has to be urine. Michael: Hmmm. Ha. [under his breath] Alright. Great. Dwight: Kevin, what prescription drugs are you taking, besides Rogaine? Kevin: I'm not taking Rogaine. Dwight: Angela, what about you? Angela: I don't take any prescription drugs. Dwight: You're not on anything? Angela: [Gives Dwight a knowing look] Dwight: Good. Kelly: So the first time we went out to dinner, it was like, whatever, fine, but I was so nervous. So this time I wanted to be special, so I bought a new dress! [Jim hunches his shoulders and grins] One of those kinds that is kinda low cut at top to show something, but not everything. [Jim shakes his head no in agreement] I mean not everything, Jim. [Jim shakes his head in agreement] I promise, I'm not that kind of... Pam: Hey guys, what's going on? Kelly: We're having the best conversation. [Jim, eyes wide, shakes his head, no] Pam: Oh, okay. Well, Michael wants to see everyone in the conference room. [Jim shakes his head. Seems relieved to be getting away from Kelly] But you know what? We have a few minutes so you guys should definitely finish up your conversation. [Jim nods his head as if to say, "Gee, thanks, Pam."] Kelly: So, I was looking so hot... Michael: It has come to my attention that some people here think that the use of drugs is something to laugh about. Phyllis: We don't feel that way. Angela: No, not at all. Oscar: You were the one joking around calling Dwight a narc. Michael: No, uh, no. That was a test. I was testing you, and you all failed. Miserably. When I said that Dwight was a narc, how many of you defended him? How many of you said, "Hey, you know what, he's right? What he's doing is protecting this office from the evils of drugs." Dwight: Thank you, Michael. Michael: I am ridiculously anti-drug. So anti-drug that I am above suspicion in any way that involves suspicion, or testing of any kind. Michael: Drugs ruin lives people. Drugs destroy careers. Take Cheech and Chong everybody knows that Cheech and Chong are funny, but just imagine how funny they would be if they didn't smoke pot. I want everybody to take a look to their left. Now I want everybody to take a look to their right. One of those people will be dad from drug use at some point in their lives. This year more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children. Stanley: Where did you get these facts? Michael: Are these facts scaring you, or are they not? Stanley: They are not. Michael: Do you think that smoking drugs is cool? Do you think that doing alcohol is cool? Stanley: No, I don't. I have a glass of red wine with dinner about once a week. For the antioxidants. Michael: Okay, enough, enough, enough! I have written down a list of illegal drugs. Take a gander. How many of these are you familiar with? Toby: Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael. Michael: Yes it is. Toby: No it's not. It's a type of pipe. You can fill it with tobacco, often mixed with fruit, or other flavors. Michael: Okay, you know what, Toby? Pam, can you take this down? [Pam throws her hands up to indicate she has no notepad] In addition to Toby's urine being tested, I would like to test his blood and his hair. Toby: You can't do that. Michael: I can test anyone randomly, and I have chosen you randomly. Toby: That's not random. Michael: Okay, eeny, meenie, miney, moe, is random. Okay, you know what? I'm going to need a volunteer to select one of these words and tell us of something tragic that happened in either their lives, or the lives of a loved one. Yeah, Pam. Pam: I know that Jim has an amazing story about a relative of his who got caught up in the world of drugs. Michael: Really? [Jim shakes his head no] Pam: Uh, hmmm. Michael: Jim it's okay. You can t... [Jim looks at Pam and shakes his head, Pam looks at him and gestures for Jim to go up and tell his story] This would be a good place to let it out, Jim. These are people you can trust. These are people who care about you. [Jim shakes his head no] It's okay, just we will not judge you. We are here to not judge you. [Jim stands up] Oh, he's doing it, okay. [Jim looks at Pam] It's okay. [Jim pretends to try, looking teary eyed, shakes his head no, mouths "I can't" and sits back down. Pam is amazed.] Oh. Okay, are you sure? [Jim shakes his head. Kevin pats his shoulder] That looked like it was going to be good. Alright. [Pam nods in admiration at Jim] Okay, well. Pam: Wow! He really pulled out the big gn. Fake crying. Did not expect that. Michael: The point I'm trying to make with all of this people is that I hate drugs. I hate them, and based upon what I have seen you all don't quite hate 'em as much as I do so you are going to have a drug test, and I am not. Dwight: No, you will be tested. Michael: Yes, I will not be. Dwight: You will be. That is the law according to the rules. Michael: Okay, well Dwight just know that I've been very busy today and I got a lot of work to do and I wasn't planning on going to the bathroom and I don't even know if anything is going to come out, okay? So good. Thank you. Dwight: Hi, Linda. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager. You might remember testing my urine a few years back when I was applying to be a volunteer sheriff's deputy. Linda: We test a lot of urine. Dwight: Mine was green. Linda: Oh, right. How are you? Dwight: I'm all better. Michael: So I need you to do some work on the St. Andrews account. I need your urine. I need some filing done. Dwight: What kind of filing? Michael: Just forget it. Just the urine. Dwight: That goes directly to the tester. Michael: Just. I need your urine. Dwight: Like in a cup? Michael: Yes in a cup, we're not animals, Dwight. Dwight: For what purpose? Michael: It's none of your business. Dwight: Then I refuse. Michael: Okay. Alright. Just, I went to an Alicia Keys concert, over the weekend, and I think I may have gotten high accidentally by a girl with a lip ring. Dwight: Are you serious? Michael: I need clean urine for the lady. Dwight: But that's illegal. Michael: Don't think of it that way. It's like, urine goes all over the place. You know, there's no controlling it. It just... goes Dwight: Not my urine. Michael: A cup could find its way under the urine. It might be an accident. It happens. Dwight: Were you forced to do drugs at this concert? Michael: No, just look. Look. Just... just fill up the cup. Angela: Do you want to give Michael your urine? Dwight: I want him to have all the urine he needs. Angela: You're not going to get my permission on this. Dwight: I know that. Don't you think I know that? Linda: Yeah, we do testing all over the country. Ryan: Cool. Hey, are you guys hiring? Linda: You want to work at the urinalysis lab? Ryan: Yeah. Maybe. Dwight: My father's name was Dwight Schrute. My grandfather's name was Dwight Schrute. His father's name Dwide Schrude. Amish. I loved my father very much. Every morning he'd wake up at dawn and make us biscuits with gravy. When I was little my dad and I played a lot of games together. My dad cheated a lot but I never busted him on it. I would have, except I didn't know about it. He didn't tell me till years later. I was shocked when I found out. Pam: What? [Jim shakes his head] Did you want to tell me something? You look like you want to tell me something. [Jim shakes his head no] You look like you have something really important to say and you just can't for some reason. [Jim smiles] Come on, you can tell me. Jim, you can tell me anything. [Jim stops smiling and looks down. Pam wonders what that means] Kevin: I'd like a magazine. Linda: We just need urine, sir. Kevin: I'd still like one. Michael: Dwight. Well, I passed the test thanks to you and your untainted pee. Thank you very much. Dwight: That's great. Michael: What's wrong? Where's your costume? Dwight: It's a uniform and I turned it in today when I tendered my resignation. Michael: Why? Wha... Dwight: I took an oath when I was sworn in and I broke that oath today. Pam: [placing a coke can in front of Jim] Here. [Jim looks confused] Just buy it from me. I haven't talked to you in hours and it's been weird and I really want to know what the hell's going on with Dwight. [Pam scoots the coke can towards Jim. Jim pulls out his wallet and hands Pam a dollar. He gives the coke back to Pam] Jim: Hi. Pam: Hey. Jim: How much time do you have left on your break? Pam: Ten minutes. Michael: Since you did such a good job with the investigation, I decided to pull a few strings. Call in a few favors. and I've decided to make you official security supervisor of the branch. Dwight: Really? Michael: Yes, sir. Dwight: That's fantastic because I've always felt that the security here sucked . Michael: So you wanna? Thanks. Hank: Dwight K. Schrute, I hereby declare you an honorary voluntary corporal in charge of assisting all activities security. Michael: Okay. Hank: Here's your badge. Dwight: Thank you, Michael. Very nice. Great. [To Hank] Can I have a gn? Hank: No, I don't have a gn. Dwight: Okay, I'll have to bring in my bow staff. Hank: I don't think so. Michael: Good. Dwight: [salutes] Thank you, Michael. Michael: No. Oh. Uh...[awkwardly salutes] Dwight: I need to go over some details with you. Michael: Alright. [to Hank] Well, Thank you. Dwight: First of all, Hank, how many orange traffic cones do you have? Hank: Two. Dwight: Oh, God. Jim: Wow. What a terrible day to not be able to talk. Dwight was literally carrying around his own urine and dressed like one of the Village People. Why does he do the things that he does for Michael? I just don't get it. What is he getting out of that relationship?	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x20 - Drug Testing"}	foreverdreaming
Kevin: So, uh... you found a band for your wedding yet? Pam: No. Kevin: 'Cause I'm in a band. We really rock. Jim: Yeah, I mean it's inevitable. I definitely overhear some wedding preparation, but I'm fine with it. She hears me arranging my social life. And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet, so it evens out. Phyllis: Oh I got the 'Save The Date'. Pam: Yeah? Phyllis: Yeah, pretty stationery. Pam: Oh, thanks! Angela: I didn't get mine yet. Pam: Uh... Pam: There are a few people I decided not to invite, and that might make things kind of awkward but ... it's my wedding. And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy. Michael: Yes, thanks, Fantastic Sam's. Adult Cut Plus. Comes with a shampoo and blow dry. We're doing I.D. photos today. Gotta represent. Phyllis: Uh, on or off? I.D. Photographer: Off. Phyllis: Okay... [removes glasses] Dwight: Oh! What is on your face? Is that a disguise? Phyllis: [leaving the room] Excuse me. Dwight: Clown paint. Dwight: I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gn in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rfle that sh*t potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged? Michael: That's a nice tie. Ryan: Thank you. Michael: That is... who makes that? Ryan: Um, I don't... Michael: Do you mind if I wear that for the photo? Ryan: Um... let's um, let's keep our clothes. Oscar: It's like child abuse. I say, if Jesus saw that, he'd freak out! He'd freak out, Toby! I mean on some levels... it's... and I'm supposed to work there. I'm supposed... Michael: [walking into the Conference room] What's the dealio? Toby: Just letting Oscar vent a little. We would use the break room, but the photographer's back there today. Michael: What's the problem? Oscar: Angela! Toby: It's just a little dispute over a poster in their workspace. Oscar: Since Christmas. Michael: So what, you're having a little spat. I forget, are you guys dating? Oscar: No. Toby: Michael, can I talk to you for a uh, second please? Michael: Yes. Toby: Here's how I usually handle this: all I do is listen. Michael: Yeah? Toby: These things just have a way of working themselves out. Michael: Okay. Toby: It's like if you write someone a letter, when you're really angry... they say to keep it in a drawer for a couple days. Then you just never end up sending it. Michael: What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced. So... Toby: Okay. Michael: Okay... what? Toby: That was the right decision for me and my marriage. Michael: Yeah, well... that's not gonna fly here. Because in this office, it is till death do us part... assuming we don't get downsized. [leans over to Pam] Uh, Pam, will you get Angela and meet us in the conference room please? Michael: [holding up a binder] A mediator's tool chest. Okay, well, before we get started, you should know that are 5 different styles of conflict.[in a comedic voice] My Shaolin temple style defeats your monkey style. Angela: Can we go? I have a lot of work to do. Michael: No. Okay, this is important. The first style is lose/lose. Oscar: What's the next one? Michael: Just hold on, please! Okay, if we do lose/lose, neither of you gets what you want. Do you understand? You... you would both lose. Now I need to ask you, do you want to pursue a lose/lose negotiation? Angela: Can we just skip to whatever number 5 is - win/win or whatever? Michael: Win/Win is number four and number five is win/win/win. The important difference here is with win/win/win, we all win. Me too. I win for having successfully mediated a conflict at work. Michael: [in front of poster] Okay, since this is the disputed poster. Now, one at a time, I want you to express your feelings using "I" emotion language and no judging or "you" statements. Angela: I got this poster for Christmas, and I feel I want to see it everyday. It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor. Michael: Come on, seriously, that? Oscar: I don't like looking at it. It's creepy, and in bad taste, and it's just offensive to me. It makes me think of the horrible, frigid stage mothers who force the babies into it. It's kitsch. It's the opposite of art. It destroys art. It destroys souls. This is so much more offensive to me than hardcore prn. I'm talking about the... Michael: Okay, okay. Stop, stop, stop! Let's see if we can just brainstorm and find some creative alternatives that are win/win. Pam: Win! Michael: Yes. Thank you, Pam. How about Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt, which Oscar wears. That way, he can never see it and whenever she looks at Oscar, she can see it. Win/win/win. Oscar: No. Angela: That's... no... Michael: Okay... well, brainstorm. Own the solution. Angela: How about, I leave it up? Oscar: How 'bout, she takes it down? Pam: How about, Angela can keep it up on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Michael: Okay, that is called a compromise. And it is style 3. And it is not ideal. To sum up, win/win - make the poster into a t-shirt, win/lose - take the poster down, compromise - Tuesdays and Thursdays. And the answer is... make the poster into a t-shirt! Win/win. Pam: Win. Oscar: Fine. Angela: But, it... Michael: [claps his hands twice] It is done! Pam: Win Photographer: [snaps a photo of Creed, then Creed turns to the side for a profile sht] No, you're all good. Creed: Great. [gets up and leaves] Pam: Hey, Angela.[hands her a Save The Date card] I didn't have your zip code. Angela: Oh. Thanks. Angela: It was hand delivered. But, I did get a Save The Date after all. It's not my taste. Toby: You solved it? Michael: Yes. Toby: Well, good. We can, uh, throw that one out. [shuffles through papers] Michael: Are those all the other complains? Toby: Mmm-Hm. Michael: I would like to see those please. Toby: I... I can't do that. Michael: You can't do that, huh? Huh, ok. Now you and I have a conflict. I order you to give me that file. Toby: That... [shakes head and places hand over the file] Michael: Okay. [yanks the file away, despite Toby's resistance] There! No more conflict. [looks at the camera] I had to use win/lose on that. It was not pretty. [looks back at Toby] All right... is that it? Toby: [sighs and pulls out a box under his desk] It's all Dwight's. Toby: Every Friday at 4, I have a standing appointment with Dwight for him to file a grievance against Jim. I tell him that I'm sending them to a special file in New York. That box is the special file in New York. Michael: Ohh... God. Alright. Why do I have to do everything? Photographer: Are you sure? [looks at Oscar, who is front of the camera, holding the baby poster in front of his chest] Dwight: Oh, he's sure. Just sht. Photographer: [sht twice] Michael: [looking through papers in the complaint box] This is from Kevin. He says Stanley uses his Miracle Whip without asking. Meredith complains that everyone talks too loud in the morning and the lights are too bright. Creed... huh. Duh, duh. Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day and wants a seat facing the receptionist. Pam: Nice. Michael: You will notice that not one of these complaints is against me. Toby: Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael. This [unlocks a drawer]is January through March of this year. [pulls out a fairly large folder] Michael: How many of you have at one time gone to Toby to complain about another employee? [looks at all the employees, most of whom raise their hands] And... did you get what you wanted, or were you merely listened to, you forget about your problem, and you move on? [employees mumble "merely listen to and forgotten..." ] That is outrageous! I love this place... and it pains me to see all of the negativity festering... [sighs] Okay, today we are going to get everything out of these files and into the open, where it can be resolved. Alright, how about the Phyllis/Angela dispute? Angela: You already did me. Michael: That's what she said. [Jim mouths these words along with Michael] The thing is, Angela... you are in here an awful lot. You have complained about everybody in the office, except Dwight, which is odd because everyone else has had run ins with Dwight. Toby, by the way, what does "redacted" mean? There is a file full of complaints in here marked "redacted"... ? Toby: Yeah, it just means whoever complained came to me later and withdrew it, so I took their name off. Michael: Oh, ok. There were a bunch of complaints about Dwight that were put in the redacted file about six months ago. Dwight: Whoa.. wha... wait. If someone has a problem with me, why would they withdraw it six months ago? Pam: [notices Angela's intense concern] Um... let's move on. I volunteer. Did anyone have a problem with me? Michael: All right, Pamela. Come on down! Let's do it! And [looks through the file]... okay. Just one complaint. Actually, it has been withdrawn. So that is no help to us. Next. Pam: Wait, what did it say? Michael: Uh... [reading]"Does she have to plan her wedding on office time? Couldn't she do that at home?" [Pam looks Angela an angry look] Who else? Why don't we just warm up first? Warm up emotionally, all right? Pam: I have this kind of big secret about Angela. And I've been really nice to her... and I haven't told anyone. And what the hell?! Michael: Here is a Kelly complaint: "Ryan never returns my calls." Ugh, join the club. Ryan: My voicemail's really spotty... sometimes... Kelly: I didn't file a complaint. I was just talking. Toby: To your HR representative. Kelly: To my friend, I thought. I want that withdrawn. Toby: Fine, I'll take your name off. [looks at Michael] So no one will know. Michael: [crumbles up the complaint paper] Makin' progress. [Jim raises his hand] Yes? Jim: Dwight tried to kiss me. Michael: What?! Jim: And I didn't tell anyone because I'm not really sure how I feel about it. Dwight: That is not true. Redact it. Redact it! Jim: Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it. Dwight: Okay, question. [looks at Toby] When a name is withdrawn, does that also apply to the permanent misbehavior file in New York? Toby: Sure. Michael: Stanley. [off camera] Pam: [gets up and walks over to Angela, whispering to her] Hey. Thanks for ratting me out! Michael: [still of camera] You got a lot of anger under there buddy. Come on start us out. Unleash it. Anglea: I didn't do it! [Michael and Stanley continue to talk off camera, but it's inaudible] Pam: I find that hard to believe... considering you have problems with every single person in this entire office except Bobblehead Joe. Michael: Someone complained that the men's room is "whites only". Stanley, you know that's not true. Stanley: I didn't say that. Creed: Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door? [Michael, along with the camera, look at the standard stick man on the bathroom door.] Michael: Okay, Phyllis. You complained that Angela's giving you dirty looks. And you tried to get off the party planning committee. Phyllis: No, I never said any such thing. Angela and I are close. Michael: And... also, Phyllis, Stanley says that you cry too much, and that bugs him. Phyllis: Stanley and I are close, too. Stanley: We sit close. Michael: Oh... ok. Toby: [sits down for his ID picture] Just take it. [flashes goes off, while he is standing back up again] Pam: I can't believe Angela. I went against my better judgment, and I gave her a Save The Date. And now it turns out she complained about me to Toby. Jim: Well, it was redacted. Look, if she wants an invite, maybe she's just trying to be friends. Pam: Don't take her side. Jim: [sighs] Well, what does Roy think about everything? Pam: I don't know. I try not to bother him about this kind of stuff. Jim: You mean your thoughts and feelings? Pam: Yeah. Jim: Yeah... Phyllis: I know you keep saying it's your space, even though there's no assigned parking, but I keep forgetting. Angela: Yes, that's the problem. Phyllis: I guess so... Michael: Okay, well... all settled, then. Phyllis: [whispering to Angela] I don't like you. Michael: OK, Ryan. You told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell? Creed: I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious. But they smell like death. Michael: All right, Kevin. You are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela that made her feel uncomfortable. Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that will make him uncomfortable. Kevin: I accept your decision! Jim: Hey... you know what, Dwight? Maybe we should get our photo I.D. taken together. Dwight: That doesn't make any sense. Jim: Well, it saves time, you know. 'Cause we could just meet in the parking lot every morning. Walk in together. Perfect. Photographer: [to Dwight, who is sitting in front of the camera] Smile. Dwight: No. Dwight: I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life. Jim: This came out really well. [picks up Dwight's I.D. from the laminating machine and hands it to Dwight] There you go. Dwight: This is humongous. I am not a security thrat... Jim: Oh. Dwight: And my middle name is 'Kurt', not 'Fart'. Jim: What did I write? Dwight: I have another complaint for Jim's permanent file. Toby: Talk to Michael. I gave him the box. Dwight: What box?! Phyllis: But I didn't report your snoring- Stanley: Wednesdays, tearful. Tuesdays... [Dwight walks in and rummages through his complaint box] Michael: Uh. Dwight. Dwight: Ah... agh... dgh... Ahh! No, no! Four years of malfeasance unreported. This cannot stand. Michael: Okay! Calm down. Dwight: No! You calm down! Who's side is Toby on? Who's side are you on? Michael: Hey, hey! Dwight: Him or me? Michael: Stop. Dwight: Him or me? I cannot work with Jim anymore. Michael: Okay... Dwight: Either he goes, or I go. Michael: Dwight... Dwight: You choose! Michael: Stop... Dwight: One of us is out of here by the end of today! [runs out] Michael: Oh... kay... Dwight: I am not bluffing! Michael: Okay. Dwight: Okay? Michael: Yes. Dwight: Do the right thing here, Michael. Okay, I have served you loyally for years. Michael: Mm-hmm. Dwight: I deserve this. You know I do! Michael: [picks up Dwight's I.D. and snickers] You know your I.D. says you're a security thrat? Dwight: You have till five. Dwight: Oh, look, Jim. There's a sales manager position open in Stamford. Want me to call Jan and tell her you're interested? I could put in a good word for you, 'cause I'll still be working here. Transfer! Transfer! Everybody! Transfer! Transfer! Transfer! Transfer! Michael: Okay... you two, in the conference room with me. Nobody leaves until we work this out. Cage match! Michael: Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage. Michael: Okay, so Dwight, in your own words - [reads from complaint paper] "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert." [flips to another paper] "Everyone has called me 'Dwayne' all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to." Jim: [laughs] Yes! Five bucks each. And it was totally worth it. Michael: [reading] "This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed mrder. I think he may be the real m*rder." [flips to another paper] "Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can." Gah. "This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone." Jim: That actually took a while. I had to put, uh, more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight, and then I just... took 'em all out. Michael: [reading] "Every time I typed my name, it said 'Diapers'." Jim: Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don't sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it, though. Michael: "By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier." Jim: Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day that day. Michael: The Japanese have this thing called shiatsu massage, where they dig into your body, very hard. And it is very painful. And apparently, some people throw up. But the next day they feel great. I've never had one. They sound awful. Jim: Maybe Stanford would be cool. Dwight: It's a good market. Higher volume. Jim: Yeah. Maybe we should both go. Dwight: I have a girlfriend... Jim: Sure you do, Dwight. Sure. Michael: Hey, there's like, 300 more of these. Let's get to them later. Dwight: So, you going to transfer Jim or not? Michael: Maybe, I haven't decided yet. Let's get to work. Dwight: I want an answer by tomorrow. Michael: Okay. Oh... actually, tomorrow's not good. How about later in the week? Dwight: Fine. Michael: Good. Okay. Michael: Hey! Wait. How about a group picture while you're here? Photographer: I can't. I only get reimbursed for the I.D. photos. Michael: Well... that's... what, a computer camera, right? Photographer: You mean digital? Michael: It'll take like two seconds. Photographer: 20 bucks. Michael: Ugh... All right. Everybody, [looks around at the employees] come on. Group photo for the newsletter. Stanley: You gotta be kiddin' me. Michael: Come on, everybody. Dwight: Come on, let's go. Creed, Kevin, Oscar... andale! Let's go. Photographer: One, two, three... smile. [camera flashes, but no one smiles] Try to smile. Michael: We resolved a lot today, everybody. Think happy thoughts. Photographer: Alright, I'm just gonna take it on three... whether you smile or not. One, two, three. [camera flashes] Michael: Good, let's check that out. [looks at preview screen] Ew, okay, all right. One more. We'll take one more. Photographer: That'll be another 20. Michael: What? Pam: Angela, I want to talk to you about something. Michael: [off camera] You just press the button. Angela: What? Jim: No, Pam. Pam: [looks at to Jim] I am. [looks at Angela] It's about the Save The Date. Jim: Pam, it wasn't her. Pam: What?! Jim: I'm the one who complained about you. Jim: I... I didn't know that Toby was gonna write it down. [the camera flashes] I was just venting. Michael: [off camera] Okay, good. Check that out. Jim: You know, it was one day. Michael: [off camera] That's terrible. Jim: And I took it right back. It was like... Pam: Okay. Phyllis: Oh, dear. Michael: [off camera] Let's pay Mr. Price Gouger. [rejoins the group, on camera] Okay... we can do this. Come on, everybody. All right. Here we go. [flash goes off before he sits down] Michael: It was really hard getting a good picture of fifteen people. He would not give me a good discount. And eight tries added up. Michael: [flashback the photo being taken] One, two..[flash goes off] Didn't say three, did I? Michael: But, I'm sort of an expert at Photoshop, so it turned out fine in the end. When people work together, there is going to be conflict. You can't outrun your problems. Jim: [on Pam's answering machine] Hey, Pam... it's Jim. Um, I have a doctor's appointment in the city. So I probably won't be in till the late afternoon. Just thought I'd let you know. Okay, bye. [camera shows Jim sitting on a waiting coach in another Dunder Mifflin office] Female worker: Okay, Jan will see you now. Jim: Oh, thanks. Michael: And that is why the idea of a cage match is so universally appealing. But here's the thing about cage matches: sometimes you have to open the cage. And that is something Toby will never understand.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x21 - Conflict Resolution"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: Tonight the Scranton Business Park is having Casino Night and we are converting our warehouse into a full-blown gambling hall. And I know it's illegal in Pennsylvania, but it's for charity. And I consider myself a great philanderer. It's just... It's nice to know at the end of the day, I can look in the mirror and say, "Michael, because of you, some little kid in the Congo has a belly full of rice this evening." Makes you feel good. Jim: Excuse me. How long is the wait for a table for two? Dwight: I would never, ever serve you. Not in a million, billion years. Pam: It's a nice tux. Dwight: I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so family heirloom. Roy: So, what's the deal? We gotta pay for our own drinks? That's lame. Pam: Come on, it'll be fun, and besides, I'm a roulette expert. Dwight: Impossible. Roulette is not a game of skill, it is a game of chance. Jim: I can always kind of win at roulette. Dwight: Oh, really? Mmm-hmm. Jim: Yeah. Dwight: How would you do that? Jim: Mind control. Dwight: [laughs] You can't be serious. Are you serious? Jim: Ever since I was a little kid, like, eight or nine, I could sort of control things with my mind. Dwight: I don't believe you. Continue. Jim: It was just little thing, you know, like I could make something shake or I could make a marble fall off the counter. You know, just little things. Dwight: [scoffs] That's ridiculous. You know what? Uh... Why don't you move that coat rack? Excuse me, everyone! Attention in the office, please. Jim is about to prove his telekinetic powers and he needs absolute silence. Go ahead. Jim: Okay, I'll try. [The coat rack wobbles] [Pam holds up an umbrella handle to the camera in another scene] Dwight: Oh, my God. Michael: I try not to think of it as lagging behind. It's more of a David-and-Goliath thing. Jan: [on phone] Yeah, but... Well, the fact of the matter is that your branch is currently number four of the five branches that I oversee. Michael: Top 80 percent! Jan: Michael? Michael: Yeah? Jan: You know that I'm very serious here. Michael: Jan, listen, I promise that I will kick it up a notch. Bam! Jan: What? Michael: Emeril. Oh, actually, while I have you, not that I have you or have ever had you, but we're having our Casino Night tonight and I think everyone would love to see their fearless leader here. Jan: I thought that you were their fearless leader. Michael: I am, but you are the Eva Peron to my Cesar Chavez. Jan: [laughs] I think you can handle it. Michael: Oh, come on. Come on. Jan: I think so, Michael... Michael: You know, it'd be fun. I can hear it in your voice. You need a break. Jan: Goodbye, Michael. Michael: Jan and I understand each other. The romance thing is sort of on hold for the time being, but we've remained good friends. Good friends with privileges. Not now, some day. Michael: Okay, everybody. Tonight's event is to benefit the Boy Scouts of America. Oscar: Again? We do that every year. Michael: Well, they need our money. They don't have cookies like the Girl Scouts. Oscar: It'd be nice to do something for people who are actually suffering. Michael: Well, Oscar, if you don't like it, then you should concentrate on winning. Because the person at the end of the evening with the highest chip count will receive $500 to donate to the charity of their choice. And they will get a mini-fridge compliments of Vance Refrigeration. Dwight: Yes! Michael: So get your charities in to Pam. I, for example, am playing for Comic Relief. Jim: That doesn't exist anymore. Michael: Comedy is very much alive, as are homeless people. Pam: No, they stopped making that show. Michael: Well, then, they need our money more than ever. Angela: You have to pick an approved, non-profit organization. Creed: There's a great soup kitchen in downtown Scranton. Delicious pea soup on Thursdays. I'll probably give the money to them. Kevin: Something with animals. Or people. Kelly: Kobe Bryant has a foundation, and he is so hot. And he gave his wife the biggest diamond ring. I know he didn't do it. ...Maybe he did it. Angela: We are giving money that has been gambled. Why don't we just deal drugs or prosttute ourselves, and donate that money to charity? Michael: Oh, and another fun thing. We, at the end of the night, are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby? We're gonna... Toby: Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children since it's... You know, there's gambling and alcohol, and it's in our dangerous warehouse and it's a school night... And, you know, Hooters is catering. You know, is that enough? Should I keep going? Michael: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not... that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be. Okay, you know what? I will not donate my winnings to Comic Relief, since apparently it doesn't exist. I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS. Jim: I think you mean the aid to Afghanistan. Michael: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS. Phyllis: Afghani. Michael: What? Phyllis: Afghani. Michael: That's a dog. Pam: No, that's Afghan. Michael: That's a shawl. Dwight: Wait, canine AIDS? Michael: No. Humans with AIDS. Creed: Who has AIDS? Jim: Guys, the Afghanistananies. Michael: Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried. Michael: There are certain topics that are off-limits to comedians, JFK, AIDS, the Holocaust. The Lincoln Assassination just recently became funny. "I need to see this play like I need a hole in the head." [laughs] And I hope to someday live in a world where a person could tell a hilarious AIDS joke. It's one of my dreams. Jim: What are you doing? Pam: Oh, nothing. Jim: "Till Death Do Us Rock." Pam: They're wedding bands. Jim: Oh. Pam: Roy was supposed to pick the band, but he's concentrating more on the bachelor party now. Jim: Wait, wait, where you going? I mean, even if you don't hire a band, you still have to watch the bands. Pam, these are people who have never given up on their dreams. I have great respect for that. And, yes, they're all probably very bad and that will make me feel better about not having dreams. Pam: There's a KISS cover band in here. Jim: Let's do it. Pam: I'm pretty happy these days. I'm getting married soon and I'm getting along with everybody at work. Jim: Why did I talk to Jan about transferring? Well, you know... I have no future here. Michael: I have already put down the deposit. Do you understand how a deposit works? Darryl: Mike, I am not having fre-eaters in a paper warehouse. Michael: It's Casino Night like Las Vegas. There are fre-eaters all over the place. Darryl: Except my warehouse. Michael: Well, actually, it's my warehouse. Dwight: Actually, it's owned by Beakman Properties, and Dunder Mifflin is four years into a seven-year lease. Michael: Why are you here? Dwight: When Darryl was coming, you said you wanted me here for protection. Michael: Not. I said, not that. Darryl: We just have a lot of stuff down there that could be stolen. Michael: That's ironic. Darryl: What? Michael: That you are afraid. Darryl: Why? 'Cause I'm from the hood? Michael: Dinkin' flicka. Darryl: [sighs] Dinkin' flicka. Darryl: I taught Mike some, uh, phrases to help with his interracial conversations. You know, stuff like, "Fleece it out." "Going mach five." "Dinkin' flicka." You know, things us Negroes say. Michael: Give me some. [Michael and Darryl perform simultaneous hand gesture] Darryl: Oh, yeah, I taught him a handshake, too. Jim: [Jim ejects a videotape from the VCR and puts in a new one] Wow. I don't know how you're gonna decide. They are all extremely good. Pam: I think I should hire them all. Do like Lollapalooza. Jim: Yes. Pam: Have three stages, yeah. Jim: Your mom would love that. She would. Oh, this band is called Scrantonicity. Pam: Oh. Jim: Let's take a look. Nice. Pam: Oh, wait. That's Kevin. On the drums. Jim: What? Pam: On the drums! On the drums! Jim: Oh, my God, that's Kevin! Great song, Kev. Oh, my God, he's the drummer and the singer. Kevin: We really don't do a lot of weddings. We actually don't play in public very often. We are all really hoping that Pam's wedding works out. This could be a turning point for the band. Jim: Wow. Oh! Pam: Oh, my... Jim: Yeah, you haven't seen that since 1983. That is amazing. Okay, we have to sign him. I'm gonna call the label, we're gonna... Pam: No! No! Jim: No, Pam, you're gonna lose him to another wedding. Pam: No, come back! No, no, no! Jim: Kev! Pam: Jim is great. Being with him just takes away all the stress of planning my wedding. Michael: [phone rings] Yes Pam: [phone rings] Michael, Carol Stills for you. Michael: Who? Pam: Carol Stills. Michael: Do I know a Carol Stills? Pam: Your realtor. Michael: Oh, yeah, put her through. Hey Carol, how goes the real estate biz? Is it real good? Pam: It's still me. Pam: Sometimes I don't put Michael through until he's already said something. I look at it as a practice run for him. He usually does better on the second attempt. Pam: Carol, you're on with Michael. Carol: [on phone] Hello, Michael? Michael: Hi, Carol. How you doing? Carol: I'm great. I just needed one last signature for your mortgage insurance. Michael: Oh, hey, no problemo. Incidentally, I love the place. Carol: Oh, great. Michael: Great. It has a little bit of a weird smell. It's okay. At Christmas, the tree helped. Carol: Oh, good, I'm glad. Can I drop it over later? Michael: Actually, I'm sort of hosting this charity thing in our warehouse, Casino Night. Carol: Oh, great. Michael: Yeah, it'll be good. You know what? Why don't you come by? Bring the papers, I'll sign them and then you can stay and have a drink. Carol: To the casino thing? Michael: Yeah. It'll be fun. What do you...[phone rings] What do you... Carol: What? Michael: Oh, I'm sorry. Could you hold on? Yes? Pam: Michael, Jan's on line two. Michael: Okay, put her through. [Deep voice] Jan Levinson, I presume? Pam: It's still me. Uh, Jan, here's Michael. Jan: Michael? Michael: Hey, Jan. How you doing? Jan: You know, I... I thought about it and you are right. Michael: I am? Jan: I could use a little fun. So, I am going to drive up for your Casino Night. Michael: Oh, okay. Jan: Incidentally, what is the charity? Michael: AIDS. Jan: Okay, then. I will see you tonight. Michael: Okay, sounds great. Jan: Bye-bye. Michael: Bye Hello, Carol? Hi, sorry about that. I just... Carol: No problemo. Michael: Right. Carol: To answer your question... Michael: Yeah? Carol: Yes. Michael: What? Carol: I'd love to go. Michael: Okay. Carol: I have to get a sitter, but that shouldn't be a problem. Michael: Problem. Good. Carol: And I'll bring the papers, too. Michael: Good, All right. Sounds great. Carol: I'll see you tonight. Michael: Bye. Carol: Bye. Michael: Two queens on Casino Night. I am going to drop a deuce on everybody. Pam: [People playing casino games as the actual Casino Night begins] Oh, my God! Roy: Yeah! That's great. Michael: Hey, hey. Carol: Hi. Michael: Hey, Carol. Carol: Hi. Michael: You look great. Carol: Thanks. Thank you for inviting me. It looks so great in here. Michael: Oh, well... Kiss. [Michael kisses her on the cheek, pauses and then kisses her on the other cheek] That's how we do it in the paper biz. It's European and... Yes? Ah, Dwight [Kisses cheeks] Dwight: Code name Re/Max is here. No sign of Lan Jevinson. Dwight: I'm Michael's wingman. I've got his back. Two dates. He's got two dates tonight. My job is to keep Jan away from Carol and vice versa. Michael said, "We must deceive them, so as not to hurt them, and in that way, we honor them." Michael: Can I get you a drink? The food is from Hooters. Carol: Drink would be good. Michael: Okay. Creed: Oh, I steal things all the time. It's just something I do. I stopped caring a long time ago. You should see how many supplies I've taken from this place. Honestly, I love stealing things. Billy's Girlfriend: I'm gonna get a drink. Do you need anything? Billy: No, I'm fine. Thank's sweetheart. Billy's Girlfriend: Okay. Michael: Billy, your nurse is hot. Billy: That's my girlfriend. Michael: Your nurse became your girlfriend? Sweet. Billy: She was never my nurse. I met her at Chili's. She was my waitress. Michael: Chili's is great. Michael: Welkommen, Bienvenue, and welcome to Monte Carlo! Dwight. I am no longer your boss. Lady Fortune is your boss. Stanley: [Under his breath] Will Lady Fortune give me a raise? Michael: Shut it, shut it, shut it. Will Lady Fortune be your mistress? Only time will tell, my friends. Leave all your preconceived notions about casinos at the door. Old friends, new lovers, and the disabled! Welcome all! Great, okay. Shuffle up and deal. Let's get it started! Black-Eyed Crows. Dealer: Okay, the game is No-Limit Texas Hold'em. Good luck, everybody. That's at least four red chips to you, sir. Michael: All-in. [Other players fold their hands] Michael: Bluffing is a key part of poker, which is too bad, because I'm not very good at bluffing. Did you believe me? Toby: I'll call. Michael: What are... That's insane. Toby: I have good cards. Michael: Well, Toby, I went all-in on the first hand, so doesn't that tell you that I might have good cards, too? So don't be stupid. Just take it back. Dealer: No, I'm sorry. He can't, sir. He's gone all-in. Michael: Okay, all right, whatever. Dealer: Flip them. Michael: You really screwed that up. [Michael leaves] Meredith: Wow. Toby: I don't really play cards, but I'm not gonna lie to you. It felt really good to take money from Michael. Gonna chase that feeling. Dwight: I expect to do very well tonight. I have an acute ability to read people. Jim, for instance, has a huge tell. When he gets a good hand, he coughs. Jim: [coughs] I will raise. [Dwight sighs and folds his cards] Thanks. Jim: It's the weirdest thing. Every time I cough, he folds. Carol: Wow, bad luck. Michael: Yeah, whatever. Hey, you know what? If luck weren't involved, I would always be winning. [Sees Jan] Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Jan: Michael? Michael: Jan. Jan: Hi. Michael: Look, okay, I think we're all adults here, and it has always been my understanding that we have an open relationship. Jan: What are you... Just... Wait, what're you talking about? Carol: What does that mean? Michael: After you said you weren't coming, I invited Carol to come and I don't think that I did anything wrong. Jan: No. No, you didn't. Hi, I'm Jan. I'm Michael's boss. Carol: Hi, hi. Jan: Does anyone want a drink? Carol: No, I'm good. Jan: Okay. [Carol stares at Michael] Michael: Um... Dwight: Hey, hey. Michael: Hey. What... Dwight: Jan's here. Dwight: Give me the dice. Kevin: Come on, Dwight. Dwight: Let's go. Billy: It's all on you, baby. Let's go. Angela: Good evening, Dwight. What is this? Dwight: Evening, Angela. This is craps. I need to roll an eight. If I do, everyone wins. Kevin: Yes. Angela: Then roll an eight. Dwight: Thank you, Angela. Angela: Good luck, Dwight. Dwight: Yeah! Yeah! [Kisses Angela, she slaps him and walks away smiling] Kevin: Dwight, let's keep it going. Let's keep it going. Let's go. Oscar: Let it ride. Let it all ride. Dwight: Give me the dice! Jim: Yeah, right. Pam: "Yeah, right," what? Jim: What was this? [Makes face] Pam: [Laughs] I have good cards. Jim: Really? Pam: Mhmm, And I'm gonna take you all-in. Jim: Wow. I think you're bluffing. Kevin: Yeah, I think she's full of it. Pam: Straight. Jim: Oh. Three nines. Kevin: Pam. Jim Halpert, ladies and gentlemen. Jim: Thank you very much. It was fun. Jan: Cosmopolitan, please. Carol: Can I get a red wine? So, two hours? That's a long drive. Jan: Well, it's part of the job, you know? Keep an eye on things. So... Why not? So, how long have you and Michael been... Carol: Oh, well, actually, I guess this would be our first date. I guess. Jan: Casino Night in the warehouse. Good sport. Carol: Well, I'm having a nice time. Jan: Oh, me too. Me too. Ryan: One beer and one Seven and Seven with eight maraschino cherries, sugar on the rim, blended if you can. Jim: So, that's still going on, huh? You and Kelly? Michael: All right! Dealer: The point is four. sht, roll it. Four! Dwight: Come on, sht! Michael: Four! [Holds dice in front of Carol] Blow. Blow for luck! Yeah! Also, you. Not playing favorites. [Holds dice in front of Jan] All right, here we go! Carol: All right. Michael: Yeah! Dealer: Five. Michael: So close. So close. Dwight: Come on. [Turns to Jan] So where you staying? Radisson? Jan: What? Dwight: Super 8? Jan: No, I... Dwight: Motel 6? Best Western? Jan: I didn't... I don't know... Dwight: Holiday Inn? The Hyatt in Wilkes-Barre? You staying with Michael? Kevin: I won the 2002 $2,500 No-Limit Deuce-to-Seven-Draw Tournament at the World Series of Poker in Vegas. So, yeah... I'm pretty good at poker. Kevin: All-in. Phyllis: Okay, let's do it. Bob Vance: Good Luck, honey. Phyllis: Oh, thank you, Bobby. But it doesn't matter, it's just fun to play. Kevin: Three queens. Dwight: Nice, very nice. Phyllis: I have an ace. Oscar: No, that's a flush. Dwight: Oh, man! Phyllis: Oh, I have a flush! Bob: Yes! Phyllis: Look, I won! Look I have all the clovers! You wanna play again? Kevin: I suck. Roy: She took you down, huh? Kevin: I do not want to talk about it. Roy: Hey, I saw your tape. Your band, Scrantonicity? You guys rock. Kevin: Yeah? Roy: Yeah, you guys wanna play our wedding? Kevin: Awesome. Did Pam say it was okay? Roy: Whatever. I'm in charge of the music. Kevin: Dude, you will not be sorry. Roy: Sweet. All right. Kevin: All right. Jan: Smoke? Jim: No, thanks. You having fun? Jan: Fabulous time. I drove two and a half hours to get here. Jim: Yeah, we all really... Jan: Left work early, drove down here. And I am completely underdressed Jim: Well, I think you look great. Jan: Why did I hook up with Michael? Jim: Yeah, why did you? Jan: It was very late, Jim. Very... Very late and... Have you given any more thought to the transfer? Jim: Oh, yeah. Jan: Good. Have you told anyone? Jim: No. Jan: Well, you should. Bob: Excuse me. Big moment. The evening's chip leader and winner of this beautiful mini-refrigerator courtesy of Vance Refrigeration, Creed Bratton, Dunder Mifflin! Creed: Thanks. I never owned a refrigerator. Roy: Sorry, babe. I am just bat. Pam: It's okay. I'll see you at home. Roy: Okay. Hey, don't try to lose too much money, all right? Pam: Okay. Roy: If you still want a honeymoon. Hey, Halpert. Keep an eye on her, all right? Jim: Okay, will do. Roy: See you. Pam: Bye! Hey. Jim: Hey, how's it going? Pam: Good, especially after I took all your money in poker. Jim: Yeah. Hey, can I talk to you about something? Pam: About when you want to give me more of your money? Jim: No, I... Pam: Did you wanna do that now? We can go inside. I'm feeling kind of good tonight. Jim: I was just... I'm in love with you. Pam: What? Jim: I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that. I just... Pam: What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that? Jim: I just needed you to know. Once. Pam: Well, I um... I... I can't. Jim: Yeah. Pam: You have no idea... Jim: Don't do that. Pam: ...what your friendship means to me. Jim: Come on. I don't wanna do that. I wanna be more than that. Pam: I can't. I'm really sorry if you misinterpreted things. It's probably my fault. Jim: Not your fault. I'm sorry I misinterpreted our friendship. Jan: Hey. I'm leaving. Michael: Hey, okay. Jan: So, I just wanted to congratulate you on a fantastic evening. You did the company proud. Michael: Thank you. Jan: And thanks for inviting me. You were right, I needed it. So, thanks. Michael: Okay. Thanks for coming. Jan: Nice to meet you. Carol: You, too. Jan: And you guys have a good time together. Michael: Okay. Talk to you Monday. Jan: Yeah. Carol: Goodbye. Michael: Good night. She's a good boss. Carol: She seems really nice. Michael: Oh, she's great. Michael: Love triangle. Drama. All worked out in the end, though. The hero got the girl. Who saw that coming? I did. And Jan was really happy for me. So actually the hero got two girls. He got the girl that he works with and he got the girl that he buys real estate from. So, I've got my New York girl and my local flavor. Life is good. Pam: [On phone] About 10 minutes ago. No, I didn't know what to say. Yes, I know. Um, I don't know, mom, he's my best friend. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, I think I am. [Jim enters] I have to go. I will. Listen, Jim... [They kiss]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x22 - Casino Night"}	foreverdreaming
Season 2 - Episode 01 "The Dundies" [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 1 ] Michael: TMI. Too much information. I used to say, "Don't go there," but that is so lame now. Or, "You go, girl." Or... Um, when did "Where's the beef?" That was, like, a long, long time ago. It's funny how the shelf life of these things, like how long they last, like, "Too much information" probably came on the scene... I mean, I didn't hear it till, like, this month, so it's pretty recently. Um, but you know, they're generally good for, like, no more than five or six years. [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 2 ] Toby: Yes, that's true. I have never won a Dundie. I am more than okay with that. [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 3 ] Kelly: I think I'm gonna share some Cadillac Fajitas with Toby. Toby is so cute, except he has that stupid kid. [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 4 ] Angela: Yes, I'm the designated driver, which is very important. We need everyone to get home safely. [sighs] But no one ever gives me gas money, and people live all over. It's expensive. [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 5 ] Dwight: [scoffs] Like a gaggle of geese... [jibbering mockingly] [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 6 ] Michael: All right, we need something for Kevin. Jim: Mmm-hmmm. Michael: What do we know about him? He's an accountant. Jim: He plays guitar, he likes naval history. He's a bowler. Michael: [talking over Jim] He's fat. The fat accountant award. Jim: Well, you seem to have this under control. Jim: The weird part about this whole deal this that Michael truly believes that these awards are inspiring and motivational. I mean, he puts more effort and time and commitment into the Dundies than anything else he does all year. Which is probably why this branch will be downsized. [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 7 ] Michael: I am the fat accountant. Dwight: Michael, I need to talk to you. Michael: Here he is. Dwight: I just thought that you might like to know that someone has written something about you on the ladies' room wall. Michael: Really? What did they say? "For a good time, call Michael Scott"? Jim: Good one. Dwight: Uh, no, no. No, I think something bad, maybe. Michael: Why do you think that? You just immediately go to that, Dwight? Why are you so negative? Why... Dwight: Michael. Michael: I mean, you just come in and you're just negative... Dwight: Michael. Michael: ...and you just walk negatively. Michael: Do you want me to find out what it says? Michael: Yes. Dwight: By any means necessary? Michael: What does that even mean? What are you... What are you talking about? Dwight: It's the ladies' room. Michael: Just go and find out what it says and who said it and report back to me. But don't tell anybody that I have anything to do with it because if they ask me, I will say that you are crazy. Michael: Thank you. You won't regret this, Michael. Jim: What award would you like to give Dwight? Michael: I hadn't planned on including him. Jim: Okay. Michael: Kevin. [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 8 ] Dwight: It hasn't always been easy being a whistleblower. When I was in school, the kids would call me a tattle-tale or a snitch or a worm. So I really identify with those women from Enron. I wrote them letters to tell them how much they inspired me, but they never wrote back. I guess they're all married. Dwight: Angela, it's simple. Just tell me what the bathroom wall says. Angela: I don't talk about what goes on in the restroom. Dwight: I'm not asking what you do in there. I just want to know what's written about Michael. Angela: I don't says those kinds of things out loud. It's inappropriate. Dwight: Okay, I'll talk. You nod if I get it right. Does it have to do with his butt or his wiener? [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 9 ] Kevin: I think his characters are pretty funny. Especially Ping. Michael: Well, what should I do, guys? Seriously, do you want me to just cancel the Dundies? Kelly: No, we were just hoping you wouldn't do those characters, like last time. Michael: Ping? Everybody loves Ping. He's my most popular character. Oscar: I think many people find that character slightly rcist. Michael: Really? Well, he is based on the Chinese delivery guy that I have, who talks exactly like that, so, I think you should take it up with him instead of me. Oscar: Look, I'm just saying that there are many people that are offered by your insensitive skits. Michael: [sighs] Well, neither of you are Chinese, so what... Why do you care? [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 10 ] Phyllis: Dwight, get out of here! Dwight: No, no, no. Phyllis: You can't be in here! Dwight: It's not what you think. Phyllis: Shut up. You're a freak! Dwight: I'm on official business. Phyllis: You are... Dwight: This is Dunder Mifflin... Phyllis: I'm telling Michael. Dwight: No. Phyllis, you're not... Phyllis: I'm telling Michael. Dwight: Phyllis, no. No. Phyllis: Michael, Michael. Dwight: Phyllis, no, no. Do not listen to her. She's out of her mind. Phyllis: Dwight was in the ladies' room and he was looking at me. Michael: What? Dwight: That is not true. Phyllis: He was looking at me in the ladies' room. Dwight: That's totally unfair. I was just in the ladies' room in order to spy. Michael: Dwight, you've ht a new low here. Phyllis: That's what I said. He was spying in the ladies' room. Dwight: What do you think, Phyllis? You think I followed you in there? Like, "Oh good. Phyllis is going to the bathroom, so maybe I get to see her naked from the waist down." I'm not even attracted to you. Michael: That is a good point. Phyllis: Write him up or I'll take it to Jan. Michael: Okay, all right, I will do that. I will get to that definitely. Absolutely. Phyllis: When? Michael: Oh, I don't know. Maybe after I finish writing, producing, directing, and hosting your awards show. All right, just relax, keep your pants on. Unless, of course, you're in the bathroom and you should be able to take your pants off in that case without Creepsville Central spying on you. Good. Phyllis: All right. [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 11 ] Dwight: All right, let's wrap it up. Come on, we're late. The Dundies are starting very soon. Accounting, let's go, let's go. Okay, I gave you fair warning. [turns off their computers] Out. Who's next, customer service? Meredith, let's roll. [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 12 ] Michael: Here we go. [organizing his costumes] And that. [to waitress] Hey. How you doing? Michael: [singing] You down with the Dundies? Dwight: Yeah, you know me. Michael: [singing] You down with the Dundies? Dwight: The Dundies! Michael: [singing] You down with the Dundies? You're all my homies Dwight: You know me. Michael: [singing] You down with the Dundies? Dwight: Yeah, you know me. Michael: [singing] Yeah, all the homies Michael: I have listened to that song so many times and I still don't know what OPP stands for. Other people's... Something. I... [shakes head] [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 13 ] Kevin: So, Pam, I wonder who's gonna get "longest engagement" this year. Roy: Well. You're not goona get longest engagement, man, 'cause we got that locked up. Kevin: I wonder what I'll get. I brought my fiance. [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 14 ] Michael: All right, our next award... ah, yes, this award goes to the most creative writing on the ladies' room wall, and the winner is... Who is it? Who wants to claim it? Shiny Dundie. Who wrote it? Great idea, Dwight. [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 15 ] Toby: I'm just saying I don't think it's appropriate for you to have given Ryan that award. Michael: He's hot, all right? What do you want me to do about it? Toby: Okay, that is fine to feel, but not to act on. Michael: [sighing] It was unanimous, Toby. Toby: It wasn't a vote. You decided. Michael: Well, okay, I based it on what I felt was unanimous office sentiment, and this isn't even about what Ryan thinks. It's about you. It's about how you feel about the Dundies. Admit it. Toby: Okay, that is not true. Michael: Yes, it is true. Toby: 'Cause Ryan asked me to talk to you. Michael: Okay, I don't have time for this. I need to get on stage and you are breaking my concentration. [imitating Native chant] Me Chief Michael Scott. Here to trade... [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 16 ] Dwight: Excuse me, Goldschlager, extra flakes. Waitress: We don't have that. You want a Presidente Margarita? Blue Pacific Margarita, El Nino... Dwight: No, no. No margarita. Hot sake. Waitress: [shakes head 'no'] Dwight: Fosters in the big can. Waitress: [shakes head 'no' again] Dwight: Just a chocolate shake, chocolate sprinkles. [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 17 ] Dwight: Okay. No, no, no, no, no. Lie still, lie still. Pam: I am fine. Jim: Dwight, this is crazy. Pam: Okay. Dwight: Jim, not now! We need to cushion her head. Lie still. Please, Pam. Do not move. Jim: Dwight, Dwight. Dwight: I'm sorry. Pam: [laughing] I am fine. Dwight: Jim, don't interfere. Manager: You have to put your clothes back on. People are trying to eat. Pam: Oh, my God. Dwight: Can you give me a second, sir. Manager: No! Pam: Dwight, let me up. Manager: Put your clothes back on. Get, get right now. Dwight: I am a Sheriff's Deputy. Manager: That's fine. Dwight: I could have my men in here in a second and have you arrested. Jim: The other volunteers. Dwight: Pam, are you all right? Pam: I'm fine. Manager: Sir, sir. Dwight: How many fingers am I holding up? Pam: You're holding up three fingers. Dwight: All right. Are you okay? Manager: Put your clothes on, right now. Dwight: I will. I will. You need to calm down. Manager: Right now. [ 02x01 Deleted Scene 18 ] Michael: Don't wanna forget that. Manager: You and your party really need to leave right now. Michael: Absolutely. Is this mine or is this Chili's? Manager: You know what? Don't worry about it. Michael: Keep it. My gift. [hugs Chili's Manager] Thank you. Have a good night. See you next year. Manager: That's fine. Season 2 - Episode 02 "Sexual Harassment" [ 02x02 Deleted Scene 1 ] Michael: Good morning, Pam. Pam: Good morning, Michael. Michael: What's going on? Pam: Nothing. You look nice today. Michael: What? Pam: You look real thin. Michael: I don't get what you mean. Pam: You just... You look good. Your shirt looks... You look real good. Michael: Well, you said I looked thin, so what does... Does that mean I'm like thin weird or thin handsome or... [laughing] Pam: Thin handsome, Michael. Michael: Yes, well, of course. Of course. [laughing] [ 02x02 Deleted Scene 2 ] Dwight: Wait, Jim, no! Don't drink directly from the can. Okay, I'm serious. It's all over the Internet. They use the same shipping company as a rat poison, and it gets on the can. [Jim takes a drink] Well, you're an idiot. Jim: What can I say, Dwight, I live a very dangerous life. [ 02x02 Deleted Scene 3 ] Kevin: [Email chiming] [snickers] Did you see that? Oscar: I saw it. Kevin: You can see her... Angela: It's fake. Kevin: How do you know? Angela: She wouldn't do that. She's a Senator. [ 02x02 Deleted Scene 4 ] Michael: Office romance. For example, Pam and I are dating, do we have to disclose that? Pam: We're not dating. Michael: No, but I'm saying hypothetically if we were dating... Pam: We're not dating, I'm engaged. Michael: Well, Roy is dad, and I ask you out. Pam: I would say no. Michael: You say yes, and we go out. Pam: I would drown myself. Michael: And now Roy and Pam are dad, and we have your stupid rules to blame, Toby. [ 02x02 Deleted Scene 5 ] Michael: Toby actually gets alimony from his ex-wife because she makes more, so that's kind of embarrassing. Not that I'd mind, but it would never happen to me because I would make the marriage work. People seem to like him because they think he's one of us, but he's not. He's this weird loner who just tells people, "Don't do this, don't do that. Hire this person for this reason." I would complain about him, but who would I go to, to complain about Toby? Toby. Bias. And what does he do about that? Nothing. Because he's Toby. What kind of name is that? It's almost a girl's name. I think I've known more girls named Toby than guys. He just kind of makes my skin crawl a little bit. Toby is the devil. Toby's the devil. [ 02x02 Deleted Scene 6 ] Pam: Hey. Jim: Hey. Pam: I know we're having that harassment thing this afternoon. Jim: Yeah. Pam: Sometimes when we IM, I send you that little winking face with the lipstick. Jim: Yeah? Pam: Yeah. I realize that might be harassment. Jim: Yes, it is harassment and I'm going to be suing the winking face. I've hired the angry face as my lawyer and you will be hearing from him pretty soon. Pam: Okay. Jim: Okay. [IM chiming] [laughing] Season 2 - Episode 03 "Office Olympics" [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 1 ] Pam: Hey. Morning. Jim: Oh, Pam? Can I see you in here for a second? It's important, so... Pam: Okay. What? What is this? Jim: I found Dwight's wallet in the parking lot. Pam: Oh, my God. What are we gonna do? Jim: I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what the best play is. Do we tear everything up, or do we buy a horse on the Internet? I mean, I don't know what to do. What do you think? Pam: I know. I know what to do. Jim: Okay, what? Pam: Okay. Put everything back exactly how you found it. Jim: Okay. Pam: Hey, Dwight. Jim and I found your wallet in the parking lot. Dwight: What did you do to it? Jim: Nothing. Dwight: I'm serious. What did you do to it? Pam: Dwight, I swear, we didn't do anything. Dwight: Nice try. [on the phone] Cancel card. Cancel card. Cancel... card. [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 2 ] Oscar: I mean, you've got, you've got stuff here. You rented "Mermaids." You can't... It's a movie. You can't deduct that, you know that. Kevin: All right. Angela: It's not an office expense. Kevin: Yes, thank you. Angela: Next year, you should file your stuff in a basket. Oscar: Remember last year he slipped by with "Stripes." He rented "Stripes," he had it for a week. Kevin: Please... Oscar: And that got through, so maybe he's thinking he can do that from now on. Kevin: Please, please. Please. [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 3 ] Dwight: What are the specs? Michael: Oh, okay. I'll tell you. Let's see here. Three bedroom, two bath... Dwight: [talking over Michael] Nice. Michael: ...contemporary townhouse. Two car parking... Dwight: [talking over Michael] Yes. Michael: ...wall-to-wall carpets... Dwight: [talking over Michael] God, what a steal. Michael: ...all fixtures included. Yes, this is... This is looking good. Dwight: Does it have a deck? Michael: I think it does. Dwight: Have you seen it? Michael: Yes. Dwight: Does it have a deck? Michael: I think it has a... Yeah, it has a deck. They call it a porch, but it has a deck. [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 4 ] Michael: When a man is laying on his deathbed there are four things that go through his mind. Was I well-loved? Check. Did I express myself? Did I let my light shine through? Check. Will an attractive woman cry at my funeral? Check. Probably more than one. Check. Check, check, check, check. Lastly, did I achieve success and own real estate? And when I close on this condo, I will be able to check that one as well. [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 5 ] Jim: What do you call it? Schruteball? Pam: Okay. How about skeet Schruteing? Jim: Did you just come up with that? Pam: Mmm-hmmm. Jim: That is good. That's it. That's what it is. Pam: Thank you. Jim: Wow. [cup tinkles] Pam: Oh, oh. Jim: Oh, Somebody went in. That was a team effort, Pam. Pam: Oh! [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 6 ] Michael: Home owner. About to join an exclusive club, Dwight. Maybe some day these people out here will know what that feels like. Maybe not. Who knows? Not my problem. [groans] Dwight: It's time. Michael: Are we ready? Dwight: That's it. Michael: Are we gonna do it? [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 7 ] Michael: This is all mine. All the way down around the corner. It's a shared space, but I can use it whenever I want to, Dwight: Okay, so I called in a favor to my buddy at the police department. Michael: Ah, the volunteer Sheriff station. Dwight: Same thing. Michael: No. Dwight: Um, these are the crime statistics for the surrounding square mile over the past four years. Michael: Oh, anything bad? Dwight: Two charges of loitering, Michael: Mmm-hmm. Dwight: one noise complaint, several speeding tickets. Michael: Mmm-hmm. Dwight: Do you own a gn? Michael: No. Dwight: I'd think about it. Michael: I don't need a gn. Man: Hello? Michael: Hello! How are you? I'm, uh, just about to close on 126 over there and I guess we're going to be neighbors. Very cool, very cool. So, uh, so what's the vibe? What's the vibe of this place? Man: Uh, I don't know. It's pretty quiet. Michael: Oh... That's gonna change. [laughing] Man: Why? Michael: Because I loves to party and I'm gonna be partying my butt out at this place. Man: Okay, but there's an 11:00 noise curfew. Dwight: Hi, I am Dwight Schrute, Mr. Scott's associate. Man: Who is Mr. Scott? Dwight: Him. I have got a couple of questions about the neighborhood. Have you had any problems with prostitution, crack dealing, gng volence, etcetera? Man: No. Michael: Here's a question for you. I have a convertible. Is it safe that park that in my driveway. [Man steps back inside his house and shuts the front door] All right. See you soon. Good guy. Um, cool. [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 8 ] Toby: So it's like volleyball. Jim: Okay. Toby: Okay, you get a one-second hold on the ball... Jim: Mmm-hmm. Toby: ...and you bounce it off the wall on your side of the tape. Jim: Oh, okay. Oh, do... that's what the tape is for. I didn't know. Toby: Yeah, Michael asked about it once. I just pretended not to hear him. He left. [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 9 ] Michael: I think I'm going to make myself some microwave popcorn. [humming] Press "Popcorn." Oh, that's gonna be delicious. I just love having popcorn in the middle of the afternoon. You know what? I could do with some hot chocolate as well. Oh, drat. I can't make hot chocolate and popcorn at the same time, unless, I can. Boom! Second microwave for le hot chocolat. Carol: Hello. Michael: Oh, Carol. Hello, how are you? Carol: Hello, hi. Hey, Michael. Michael: Good to see you. [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 10 ] Dwight: Oh, boy. This whole condo's shifting. It's like this place was built on ancient Indian burial ground. [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 11 ] Jim: Hey, Phyllis, Do you have any games that you play in the office? Phyllis: What do you mean? Jim: Um, like stapler tennis or something like that. Phyllis: No. Jim: Okay. [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 12 ] Michael: Second bedroom for the ladies. I mean, the extra ladies who aren't in my bed, or for friends or family, whoever wants to pop on by to casa de Scott. And right in here... What, what's in here? Uh-oh, bedroom number three. What are we gonna do in there? Limitless possibilities. Dwight: Seal it off. Michael: What? [toilet flushing] What are you doing in there? Dwight: Fill it full of cotton or soundproof insulation. Michael: Oh, my God. Dwight. Dwight: Seal it off with drywall so you don't hear Yo-Yo Ma over there all the time. Michael: You know what I might do, I might make this into a kids' room. Dwight: Kids? You don't even have a girlfriend. Michael: I will have a girlfriend once she sees this place. I'm gonna get married and I'm gonna have kids. Dwight: Well, that depends on how old she is. What if your girlfriend is 55? Michael: I'm not gonna date a 55-year-old woman. Dwight: Just a possibility. Michael: No, it's not. Just shut up. Dwight: If you fall in love with her. Michael: You're an ass. Shut it. Dwight: I smell mold. Michael: No, you don't. [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 13 ] Dwight: Living on a farm, your sense of smell gets very sharp. For example, there are beets in the condo two doors down that way. And someone over there, I believe, is a big fan of olives. [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 14 ] Michael: I'm gonna back out of the deal. Nothing personal, but I feel like I have been taken advantage of here. Carol: How? Michael: This smells of fraud to me. This whole thing just kind of stinks. [ 02x03 Deleted Scene 15 ] Dwight: [looking into his coffee mug] What the hell? Season 2 - Episode 04 "The fre" [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 1 ] Jim: Seventy and clear, that's nice. Where's that? Pam: That's here. [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 2 ] Dwight: I'm Michael's number two. He's one, I'm two. He's Alpha, I'm Beta. He's A, I'm B. It's easy. Whatever Michael is, I'm one less. [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 3 ] Michael: Rule three: Reach for the stars. And if you fail, see rule four. Rule four[/b]: Failure is not an option. Dwight: Oh, my God. Ryan is gonna love these. Michael: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And at the end I will reveal, that they were all just one rule. Dwight: That is so cool. Michael: Mmm-hmm. Dwight: Plus you can go, "Rule five, see rule six. Rule six, see rule five." Michael: No, I'm not trying to trick him. I'm trying to be a good mentor. So... Dwight: kll or be klled. Michael: No. Dwight: sht to kll, or kll to sht. Michael: No, come on, Dwight, I have to have 10 of these by lunch, I promised Ryan. Dwight: You could ask for an extension. Michael: I'm not asking the temp for an extension unless I really need it. [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 4 ] Dwight: I know Michael's every move. It's not something you can just pick up. I could write a book about him. Literally. I started once, but Michael made me stop. [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 5 ] Dwight: Hey, how's it going, man? Ryan: Good. What's up? Dwight: Oh, nothing much. What's up with you? Ryan: I'm good, thanks. Dwight: Good. Good, I'm good, too. How's it cracking? Ryan: Uh, fine. What's up? Dwight: You know what you would love? gn N' Roses. When I was your age, I loved gn N' Roses. Do you like gn N' Roses? I'll make you a tape. Ryan: Cool. Dwight: I'll make you two tapes. Ryan: I don't have a tape player. So... Dwight: Someday, temp. I've got a couple of shirts that don't fit so well anymore. I'll bring them by. Okay, see you later. [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 6 ] Dwight: Michael and I have a very special connection, like an umbilical cord. And the thing is with Ryan is that I don't want him to trip on it, or get it caught around his neck. [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 7 ] Kevin: Sixty-three, sixty-four, sixty-five, sixty-six, sixty-seven, sixty-eight. [snickering] Sixty-nine. Seventy. Seventy-one, seventy-two, seventy-three. [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 8 ] Pam: I like fre drills. You know what's the greatest? Like, when you were in school and the teacher would let you have class outside. Jim: Oh, the best. Pam: Yeah, it was great because it was like you're supposed to be working, but nothing ever gets done. Jim: Yeah, we had outside classes all the time and we never did anything. Pam: [chuckling] Jim: Actually if I had fewer outside classes, I probably wouldn't be stuck here at a paper company. Pam: You're not stuck. [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 9 ] Angela: Yes, there is a real fre, but it's okay. Everyone got out fine. This is why you practice these things. [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 10 ] Michael: Yes, yes, I ran out first. A captain is always the first one on the ship and the last one off the ship. And this parking lot is our ship when the building is on fre. So, I ran out onto the ship. [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 11 ] Jim: Okay, DVDs. Five movies. What would you bring to the island? Toby, go ahead. Toby: Say Anything, The Shining, Annie Hall, that's too obvious. Jim: Those are like my favorite movies. I didn't really think you could win Desert Island, but I think you just did. Toby: Toy Story 2, one of the best movies I ever saw. I went for my daughter and stayed because you can't leave your daughter in a theater. [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 12 ] Jim: Toby and I used to sit together until Michael moved us because he thought we talked too much. Pam: Really? Jim: Yeah. [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 13 ] Jim: Kevin, do it. Kevin: Uh, Cannonball Run, Cannonball Run II, [snickering] Weekend at Bernie's, Weekend at Bernie's II, and, oh, Groundhog Day. Jim: Groundhog Day. Stanley: I have a client who watches that movie once a week, at least. Kevin: Really? Stanley: I should put you in touch with him. Maybe we could get together and work on that account. Kevin: I would love that. Jim: Okay, guys, guys, guys. That almost sounded like business, and we are trying to focus here today, okay? [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 14 ] Michael: When I was Ryan's age, I worked at Arby's and then I worked selling cutlery for a while. Cutlery that could decimate a penny, I kid you not. There were these shears that could cut straight through a penny. So I have life experience and work experience that Ryan doesn't, and will never have. [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 15 ] Jim: And then you go to school for three years. Ryan: For two years, and it's only at night, and then it's on your resume forever. Jim: Wow. And just out of curiosity, how much is it? Ryan: $650 bucks Jim: A semester? Ryan: A credit. Jim: Wow. Ryan: It's an investment. Jim: Oh, yeah, it sounds like it. Ryan: I think it's worth it. [ 02x04 Deleted Scene 16 ] Michael: If I could change the life of one person, just one person. I... Actually, that's shting kind of low. I already did that when I was born. I changed two people's lives. Mom and Dad. Um, if I could change the lives of 5,000 people... 10,000. No, five. I'd be satisfied with 5,000. I... 10,000 though, that'd be something. Wow, 10,000 people. Because, you know what? Even one is amazing. Season 2 - Episode 05 "Halloween" [ 02x05 Deleted Scene 1 ] Michael: Hey, you. Big Jim. And Phyllis. Working hard, Phyllis? Phyllis: Mmm-hmm. Michael: Of course. You're always working hard. Phyllis: Thanks. Michael: Keep it up. And there's Stanley. No costume? Well, no, not trying to fit in. I wish I had your confidence, I really do. Stanley: Something wrong, Michael? Michael: No, no. What could possibly be wrong? Everything's great. Just keep living your lives. Everything's gonna be fine. [sighing] You are all such wonderful, innocent people. [ 02x05 Deleted Scene 2 ] Toby: Hey, Jim. Jim: What's up, Hef? Toby: Michael? Michael: What? What? Toby: Michael, do you have the name of the employee you're letting go? I'd like to start working on out-placement. Michael: Fine. If you are so anxious to see a head roll, it's you. There. You brought it on yourself. Too bad. Can't say that I'm sorry. It's a relief. Toby: I don't report to you, Michael. I report to the head of HR in New York. Michael: You asked for a name, I gave you a name. Now you're not doing your job. Why don't you just resign? Toby: They would just send someone else. You need to have an HR representative. Michael: Just know that if I could have fired you, I would have. Toby: I know, Michael. [ 02x05 Deleted Scene 3 ] Michael: I'm going to have to do this Sopranos-style. Just whack him. Guys, could you take the freight elevator, please? Vance Refrigeration Worker #1: Hey, you wanna see a really messy show? Follow us around. Come to our office. Michael: You know what? That's my foot. Vance Refrigeration Worker #2: Ass, ass, ass... Michael: You guys... Vance Refrigeration Worker #2: ...ass, ass, ass, ass, ass... Vance Refrigeration Worker #1: Hi, Mom! Michael: I will handle it in the best way possible, but in case he or she goes postal, you will be available to subdue. Am I correct? Hank the Security Guard: Who is it? Michael: I don't know. Hey, are you on our payroll or are you employed by the building? Hank the Security Guard: Building. Michael: Oh, sht. Okay, well, just have your pepper spray ready. Hank the Security Guard: You're on your own. Michael: All right. All right, this is it. By the time I get back to our floor, I will have decided. [elevator bell dings] Wow, that's a fast elevator. [ 02x05 Deleted Scene 4 ] Michael: I have a proposal, everybody. Listen up. Now, Corporate has been really breathing down my neck to make some pay cuts, but I refuse to fre anyone. So, I was thinking that maybe all of you would take a 10% pay cut and that would save the money. Yeah? Stanley: Yeah, We're not doing that. I have kids in college. Make a decision. Michael: Okay, great. Fine. Well, then, if anyone is annoyed later at what goes down, you know who to blame. Stanley. Not the guy who was trying to be creative. [turns around to find Toby standing behind him] Toby: Michael, it's almost 5:00. Michael: Leave me alone, okay? [ 02x05 Deleted Scene 5 ] Michael: Do you want some coffee? Creed: No, no. I had some, thanks. Michael: [slurping] Oh, wow. How long have you worked here? How many years, Creed? Creed: Fifteen years, I think. Michael: Yeah, that's right. Fifteen years and three months. Wow, you were hired before I was. Must be thinking about retirement. Creed: Oh, no. I need the money. Michael: Why? Creed: What do you mean, "Why?" Michael: It's just that you never got married and you live in an apartment. Creed: I don't know. I got nephews. Michael: Yeah. Creed: Yeah. Yeah. And I buy them stuff, you know. Oh, made some bad investments. Why are you asking me this? Michael: Just trying to be your friend. Creed: Well, you never asked me about my life before, is all. Michael: Of course, I did. I always... Yes, I do. Creed: Do you have something specific you wanted to talk to me about? Michael: Are you pulling my leg or... Creed: No. Michael: You have no clue why I've asked you in here? Creed: I do not. Michael: Oh, here we go. This... um, here's the deal. [ 02x05 Deleted Scene 6 ] Michael: Yes. Actually, I have. I have been on a hunting trip. I sht a deer in the leg. I had to... I had to ht him, I had to ht him with a shovel for about an hour, so he... That's good eating, though. Venison's very gamey. It's hard to watch, though. It's hard to... It's hard to ht another living thing in the face with a shovel for about an hour. That... I haven't been hunting since then. I, I... 'Cause that's, you know, where's the joy in that? Where's the... There's no sport, really. Especially when you're the one with the shovel. And they're the one just lying there. Um... I would have rather ht it with my car or something and just... I was just smacking the hell out of that thing. That was a mess. And we just left him there. I didn't eat it. I didn't want to eat that. That guy. Why do you ask? [ 02x05 Deleted Scene 7 ] Jan: [on the phone] This is Jan. Michael: His name was Devon. Jan: Excuse me? Michael: The human being man's name was Devon. Jan: Devon. The... Oh, is this the man that you... Michael: [talking over Jan] Yes, yes, yes. Jan: The person that you fired, Michael? Michael: Yes, it is. Jan: Is that what you're... Okay. Oh, you sound a little... A little upset. Michael: Uh, well, I am. A little. Justifiably. My Halloween is ruined. Jan: Well, I have to say that I am impressed, Michael. I know... I know how hard that was. Michael: Do you? I don't think you do. Devon was one of my best buddies. And now he hates me. Jan: Well, I'm glad you did it, Michael. Michael: [talking over Jan] You're glad? Jan: And so, good job. Good job. Michael: Thanks. Thanks so much. You think it was good? Jan: Yeah. Good job. Michael: [talking over Jan] Think I did a good job? Great. I feel good. I'm gonna give myself a pat on the back. Jan: [talking over Michael] Yup. Yes. Michael: There. I'm doing it. Right there. Great. [ 02x05 Deleted Scene 8 ] Dwight: You're supposed to be a cat? Angela: Yes. Creed: You know, guys, Michael has really incredible decision-making abilities. Michael's really incredible at making decisions. Michael: [camera pans over, Michael is sitting in a chair] Yeah, blah, blah, blah. Dwight: pssy. Here, pssy. pssy. pssy. Here, pssy, pssy. Meow. Michael: You people are revolting. By far, the least popular people here. I should have fired you. Who knew Devon was so popular and had so many friends. So well-loved. [ 02x05 Deleted Scene 9 ] Dwight: I feel like I made the right choice. Things happen for a reason. I wasn't destined to go to Cumberland Mills. Just like Anakin Skywalker was destined to become Darth Vader, I am destined to sell paper here at Dunder Mifflin. That's what I was put on this earth to do. Season 2 - Episode 06 "The Fight" [ 02x06 Deleted Scene 1 ] Master: [Dwight grunts] Great. Excellent. [Dwight yells] All right. That's okay. Dwight: [Dwight's pager goes off] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Hold on. Sorry, just one second. Master: Dwight, you can't use your pager in here, I told you. Dwight: Okay, I just... Master: Dwight... Dwight: It's a sales call. Master: Ten push-ups. Ten push-ups! Dwight: I can... Yes, sensei. Dwight: Do I feel bad that I haven't bonded with the other students? No, I'm not there to make friends. I'm there to attck people. [ 02x06 Deleted Scene 2 ] Jim: What about Oscar? Could you bat Oscar? Dwight: No problem. Jim: I don't know. He looks pretty scrappy. Dwight: Unless he has a shiv, in which case it wouldn't be a fair fight. Jim: True. Meredith. Dwight: No women or children. Unless provoked. Jim: Okay. Roy. Dwight: Warehouse guy. Doesn't count. Jim: Okay. Michael. Could you bat up Michael? Michael: Yeah, I don't think that would happen. See, I used to run with a very tough crowd, street fighter types. Real, real bad people. I'm just lucky I got out. I was a bad ass mo-fo. Stanley knows what I'm talking about. Stanley: Excuse me? Michael: I've never lost a fight. You know why? My motto. Never say die. Dwight: You just said it. You just said it. Michael: No, that's not how I meant it. Dwight: Die. You just... You said it. Michael: Shut up, Dwight. [ 02x06 Deleted Scene 3 ] Angela: Do you think he's signed them yet? Oscar: Signed what? Angela: Forget it. Is that chocolate-vanilla swirl? Oscar: Just chocolate. Angela? For the last time, I did not eat your chocolate-vanilla swirl. Kevin: Don't look at me. [smiles at camera] Angela: I don't know why I write my name on things. [ 02x06 Deleted Scene 4 ] Kelly: Are you going to happy hour later? Meredith: I'm still recovering from last night. But maybe. [ 02x06 Deleted Scene 5 ] Master: Sir, your shoes. Michael: Yes. Master: You're gonna have to take them off. It's a sign of respect. Michael: Oh. Well, in my office, if you took off your shoes, it would be a sign of disrespect. Stinkyfeetville. Kind of a ying-yang. [exclaiming] Oh, stretchin'. I like to stay tight. Compact. [Dwight screaming] Master: Here's your gear. Please put this on. Michael: Do you have, do you have anything in, like, black? [ 02x06 Deleted Scene 6 ] Master: Okay. Gentlemen. [to Michael] You ready? [to both Michael and Dwight] Okay, listen up. Alyssa: Hi, sensei. Hi, Dwight. Master: [to camera] That's Alyssa. My senpai. She just qualified for regionals. Dwight: Alyssa? I guess she's technically the senpai. But nobody really respects her. The only reason she got into regionals was because her competition was a bunch of 13-year-old girls. Put me in that division. Let's see how she does. Michael: God, you look like such an idiot. [both yelling] [grunting] [ 02x06 Deleted Scene 7 ] Michael: Stan the man. Stanley: Hi, Michael. Michael: Did you hear about the fight? Well, it wasn't much of a fight, actually. Stanley: No. Are those purchase orders signed? Michael: I opened a big can of whoop-ass on him. Stanley: Huh? What? Michael: I went medieval on his heinie. Stanley: Are those purchase orders signed? Michael: Hey, Stanley. I don't tell you how to do your job, do I? He... Stanley: Look, I just want to have a job, Michael. If we don't get these purchase orders... Michael: Grow a pair, Stanley. Right? There not gonna downsize because I miss a lot of deadlines. That's not how business works, okay? [sighs] Okay. [ 02x06 Deleted Scene 8 ] Dwight: For the record, let me just say, Michael Scott has no honor. If he lived in Japan, he would be an outcast. Well, that's not totally true, 'cause Asians worship chest hair. I had a friend, a hairy friend, who lived in Japan. He told me the women would line up to satisfy his every need. So, and he wasn't even that attractive. [ 02x06 Deleted Scene 9 ] Michael: [door opening] All right. Here you go, Princess. Just finished with part one. Pam: This is what you had Ryan do. Michael: Yes, under my tutelage. Pam: Well, what about the other stuff that has to be in today? Michael: If you didn't badger me with so many questions, Pam, I could be done with it by now. Season 2 - Episode 07 "The Client" [ 02x07 Deleted Scene 1 ] Michael: Have you ever heard of Doctor David Friendly? Pam: Hmm... Michael: Doctor David Friendly's Egg Yolk Diet. It's, it's kind of unique. It's just, my diet the last couple months has consisted mostly of eggs yolks and cottage cheese. And, um, what you do, you don't just have the egg yolks, it's not like a Rocky thing. You do like hard boiled eggs and I got one a those melon ballers [sht of Michael peeling boiled egg] and I, it's just like a little ice cream scoop, and I just scoop out the middle of the egg and just pop it in my mouth. I don't even, I don't even use a plate anymore. Uh, the first couple weeks I did, but you know what, boom, I keep a melon baller in my desk so if I have a hard boiled egg [Jenna breaks as Pam and laughs] I know, I know! But you know what? It's perfect. I know it sounds ridiculous, it sounds ridiculous, but you know what? Dr. David Friendly, he came up with this thing. The guy, I think he was like four hundred pounds when he started, and he started with this... I, well, the melon baller was my idea. [ 02x07 Deleted Scene 2 ] Kevin: Most of that is good. Michael: [throwing away food from the fridge] Not today, Kevin. Cannot be around carbs today. You know what one loaf of bread would do to my abs? [ 02x07 Deleted Scene 3 ] Jan: I'm almost there, so we should have plenty of time to go over the presentation. Michael: Uh huh. Jan: And, uh, hmm, excuse me, I've also confirmed the meeting this afternoon at four p.m. Michael: Conflict! Jan: What? Michael: I have a conflict with that. Jan: What do you mean? Michael: Uh, I have a pajama party. At the Playboy Mansion. With the bunnies. Jan: Michael. I need you to take this seriously. Michael: I can't get out of it! Jan: Michael- Michael: Ok, alright. Jan: Are you hearing me? Michael: I'm hearing you, meeting confirmed. Jan: This is a very important- Michael: Meeting confirmed. Would you like your confirmation number? Please grab a pen, because I will only be repeating this once. Jan: [sighs] I'll see you in ten minutes. Michael: 42897. Ok. [ 02x07 Deleted Scene 4 ] Michael: What is a closer? A closer is a sales term for someone who always gets the job done. And that is me. A B C, always be closing. Glen Garry, Glen Ross. "Hey, gimme the Glen Ross leads." "No way, they're just for closers." "Do you know who you're talking to?" "I'm Michael Scott." "Really? Well, take any lead you want." "No thanks, I don't need 'em." Because I have a client list [taps screen] right here in my computer. [sighs] So suck on that. [ 02x07 Deleted Scene 5 ] Jim: Hey. Pam: Hi. Jim: What are you doing? Pam: I don't know, I think I was just staring at my desk. Jim: Really? Do you wanna get back to that? I could go. I should go. Pam: Yeah, do you mind leaving? Jim: No, not at all. Pam: It's very important. Jim: Uh hmm. Pam: Thank you. Jim: Sure. [ 02x07 Deleted Scene 6 ] Phyllis: Do you think they'll get the account. [Stanley stares at her] How come you never answer me? Stanley: I'm sorry, Phyllis. No, I don't think they'll get the account. [ 02x07 Deleted Scene 7 ] Jim: [reading screenplay] bllts are flying everywhere. Ooo, wait, last page, big finish. Here we go. Agent Michael Scarn kicks open the plane door with a karate chop. Dwight: A kick and a chop are two totally different things. Jim: Well, it's just a movie, Dwigt. Dwight: It doesn't make any sense. Oscar: Yeah, now it doesn't make any sense. Ryan: Don't jump Agent Scarn! There are no parachutes! Jim: Just then, Agent Chang gets a bllet in the head. Pam: Oh! So close to retirement. Jim: Another bllts heads towards Agent Michael Scarn, but he jumps out of the plane without a parachute. Ryan: Is that it? Jim: Yup, I guess so. Phyllis: Does he die? Pam: I sincerely doubt it. Angela: I have to say, I think this is a terrible movie. [ 02x07 Deleted Scene 8 ] Jim: What was my worst first date? Umm. It was a couple of years ago. It was a lunch date, actually, it was right down here, at Cugino's. And we had just met, and we really ht it off, it was, it was kinda nice. Umm, huh. And, uh, then, as it turned out, it wasn't even a date, because she was actually in love with someone else. So, best first date is also my worst first date. Oddly enough. Season 2 - Episode 08 "Performance Review" [ 02x08 Deleted Scene 1 ] Michael: Oscar, I'm ready for you. Oscar: Today is performance-review day, company-wide, and I'm a little concerned about my review. I exceeded my sick days and my personal days because I just couldn't take it. And I don't have a good answer for him, when he asks me. Michael: So... Oscar: Michael, I don't know what to say. Michael: Um, you're in accounting... Oscar: Yes, I'm in accounting and I'm sorry and all the extra days. I know I passed my limit. Michael: So, good, good, good. Something to work toward, being here more. I'm a big believer in people being here more. Oscar: Yes. [ 02x08 Deleted Scene 2 ] Dwight: You know what this is? Jim: Yes. Dwight: No, you don't. Jim: Then why the question? Dwight: This is a visual aid for my performance review. Budget is tight, and if anyone is getting a raise, it is gonna be a fight to the death. And I intend on winning that fight. "Dwight: determined, worker, intense, good worker, hard worker, terrific. Dwight." Jim: I have one, too. Jim. Jim, Is Jim. My name is Jim. Dwight: That's a total waste of your "M." Jim: Really? Dwight: Yeah. Jim: You have a better idea? Dwight: Yeah, magnificent worker, marvelous worker, more money for this worker. Man, I like this worker. Mighty worker. That's good. That's good. Jim: I'll use that. [ 02x08 Deleted Scene 3 ] Jan: I am not going to discuss anything with you other than Dunder Mifflin business. Michael: All right. Jan: Period. Michael: Yup. Jan: Do we understand each other? Michael: Absolutely. Michael: "I am not going to discuss anything outside of Dunder Mifflin business, period." Okay. Now, why would Jan say she only wants to talk business and then make it clear that she is on her period? God, I don't understand women. How about a clear signal, right? Is that too much to ask? [ 02x08 Deleted Scene 4 ] Jim: So, that's... It's great. Michael: Yes, it is. Jim: Yeah. You have fun? Michael: Yes, I did. Jim: Did you go to first base? Michael: Hell, yeah. Jim: Oh, yeah? Michael: Yeah. Jim: Did you go to second? Michael: What? Jim: Second. Michael: Kind of, yeah. Over the shirt, my elbow, but... Jim: Okay, so close call at second. Was there an infield fly? Michael: Um, yup, wait, yes. Jim: Pop-up? Michael: No, there... Later there was. Jim: Really? Michael: Yes. Jim: So, you got the signal from the third-base coach. You know what I'm saying? Like if there was a fly out to deep right, you know. A runner on second. He tagged up, didn't he? Michael: I didn't, you know, it was... It was dark, for one thing. Jim: Office romances. Um... [laughs] I think you should probably ask Pam 'cause she's in an office romance, technically. [ 02x08 Deleted Scene 5 ] Michael: Let's just push on, shall we? Dwight: Pushing on. Michael: It's next. Just keep it. "Look on the supply shelf." What? What is that? All right, Ryan, look on the supply shelf, would you? Ryan: Yeah. It's another note. Michael: Okay, yeah. Ryan: "Look on the windshield." Michael: Okay. Dwight: Does it specify which windshield? Ryan: I'll check them all. Dwight: This ought to be good. Jim: Which one? Dwight: Oh, no, no. It's on the Miata. Pam: He sees it. Dwight: What does it say? Jim: He can't hear you? Michael: Okay, field trip's over. Come on. Could we please get back to this? Dwight: [clapping] Come on. Let's get back to this. Michael: All right, don't break any lands-speed records getting back, okay, Stanley? Stanley: I'm back. Michael: Christ Almighty. Ryan: "Look under the sink in the men's room." Michael: All right, next suggestion. Dwight: Next suggestion. Michael: "Don't..." Okay, that's blank. Don't. Just... Dwight: "Don't sleep with your boss." Do you think this is referring to you boning Jan? Jan: Okay, let me make something clear. As embarrassing as this is, I feel that it needs to be said. There is nothing romantic or sexual going on with Michael and myself. Michael: Well... Jan: The other night, I gave him a polite congratulatory kiss because he just closed the biggest deal of his career. And that's it. If anything else has been implied, Dwight, or inferred, Michael, Creed, it's just not true, okay? It's not true. So... Is everyone straight on that? Michael: Crystal. Dwight: There's one more suggestion. Michael: How pleasant. You can... Dwight: "Way to go man, Jan's really hot." Michael: Okay, I think we're good. [ 02x08 Deleted Scene 6 ] Pam: Oh, my God. When Dwight said no one wants to come in on a Saturday... Jim: I know. Pam: I almost lost it. That was too good. Jim: Well, that is because that is the gift that keeps on giving. Oh, my God. I left today's paper on my desk. Pam: You mean yesterday's paper. Jim: What? Yes, that is exactly what I mean. Wow. You are very good at what you do. Pam: Thank you. [ 02x08 Deleted Scene 7 ] Dwight: Hey, temp. Ryan: Hey. Dwight: Look, we're twins. Ryan: Cool. Dwight: Bet you I got mine for less than yours. Ryan: I bet you did. Dwight: Getting a little something that calm the nerves? Ryan: What nerves? Dwight: For the performance review. Oh, wait, you don't get one. You're a temp. Ryan: Actually, I had mine already. Dwight: You're lying. Ryan: Why would I lie about a performance review? Dwight: Why would Michael give you one before me? Ryan: I think because my name is before yours in alphabetical order. [coins dropping] Dwight: How did it go? Ryan: Fine. He actually gave me a small raise, which I did not ask for. [hits vending machine] It's stuck. [Dwight begins throwing his entire body into the vending machine] It's cool, it fell. [ 02x08 Deleted Scene 8 ] Dwight: [Wild Side playing] You are gonna give me this raise. Ya! Yes, you are. You are gonna give me this raise. Ya! Ya! The least you can do is keep my salary consistent with inflation, right? You are gonna give me this raise! Why? Because I'm awesome, awesome, yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you for your time, dude. Champ. My lord, mi amigo. Mi amor. Ha! Wild side! I am ready. [groans] [ 02x08 Deleted Scene 9 ] Michael: Yeah, that got a little out of control. Jan's taking a break, which is fine. I'm doing the same, just chilling. Getting my mind off of us. She's right. I need to be more professional at the office. When I'm at work, I need to focus on work. I should call her ex-husband. Michael: Hello, is this R. Gould? Hi there. My name is Michael Scott, I work at Dunder Mifflin. I believe I work with your wife, ex-wife, Jan. Yeah, that's right, yes. Um... I was wondering if I could ask a personal question about her. Mmm-hmm. Okay, well, could I ask anyway? Uh-huh. Well, I'm just gonna ask. When you guys were dating was she sort of easy to get and then really hard to get? Michael: Yeah, that Gould is a real interesting guy, a gem. I can see why he and Jan are no longer together. If my conversation with him is any measure of their relationship, he was verbally abusive, he was curt. He was... He had an inability to communicate, shall I say? He was emotionally unavailable. I don't know how she dealt with that as long as she did. [ 02x08 Deleted Scene 10 ] Michael: Never... Jan: Never for me always means never, ever, ever. Michael: Well, then, Gould wasn't kidding. Jan: What? Michael: Nothing, I just... Jan: What did you say, Michael? Michael: Nothing. Jan: Did you call my ex? Michael: No, I did not. Jan: Gould, you said, Gould. Michael: Maybe I did. Maybe I called him, I don't know. Jan: How dare you, Michael? My personal life is off-limits to you. Michael: I... Jan: Okay, how dare you do that? Michael: I didn't do that. I... Maybe he called me. Jan: Why would he do that? Why would he call you, Michael? Why would my husband call you? Michael: Ex-husband, you have to let it go. Jan: I mean... [ 02x08 Deleted Scene 11 ] Ryan: "Look under the suggestion box." "I can't believe I kept this up all day." Signed, me. Michael: What is an office? Is it a group of people? Maybe. Is it an idea? Of course, yes. Is it a living organism? Exactly, yes. And any single cell organism has to have a spine, and that's me. But the spine is always controlled by a brain, and that is Jan. But the brain needs a heart, and that is me again. So ironic. You know what? The heart is smarter than the brain. But the brain is so effing hot. Season 2 - Episode 09 "E-mail Surveillance" [ 02x09 Deleted Scene 1 ] Angela: [Oscar shakes his leg] You're going to have to stop that. [Oscar moves over] I can still feel it. [ 02x09 Deleted Scene 2 ] Sadiq (IT guy): Do you have a question or something? Michael: Um... Sadiq (IT guy): About my turban, maybe? Michael: Nope, nope. I actually wear a turban sometimes. Wanna see it? Sadiq (IT guy): Yeah. Michael: Got it right here. [pulls out Karnak turban] Sadiq (IT guy): Why do you have that? Michael: Comedy; it's funny. It's Johnny Carson, Karnak. It's, um, put it back. Huhhhh, did you have Johnny Carson in your land? Sadiq (IT guy): In Pittsburgh? Yeah, but I never really watched him. Michael: Oh. You were forbidden. Sadiq (IT guy): No, I'm much younger than you. I watched Conan. Michael: Alright, I'm gonna, uhh, get a cup of coffee. Do you want some coffee er- Sadiq (IT guy): No. Michael: Or some tea or hummus or something? Sadiq (IT guy): No, thank you. [ 02x09 Deleted Scene 3 ] Phyllis: Oh, this isn't good. Stanley: It's fine. Phyllis: You don't even know what I'm talking about. [ 02x09 Deleted Scene 4 ] Michael: Should have done this a long time ago. Tons of personal e-mails, huge time wasters. Uh, uh huh. Wow, like Kevin, rating the best bars in Scranton? Poor Richard's number seven? Idiot. Stupid load. [phone rings] Yeah. Pam: Hey, Michael, accounting needs your approval on- Michael: Yeah, I'm busy right now. [hangs up] [ 02x09 Deleted Scene 5 ] Michael: Here's a helpful suggestion for Jim. Jim, instead of e-mailing Amazon, to try and get that CD that you didn't receive, I suggest that you go to Visa and tell them to cancel the charge. Jim: Yeah, definitely didn't need help with that, but, yeah. Michael: It's seems like ya did though- Jim: Oh? Michael: Jim. Lots of e-mails to Amazon, lots of wasted computer space. Alright, let's get back to work. [ 02x09 Deleted Scene 6 ] Toby: Yeah, I assumed Michael was already doing this. That's why I only use my personal e-mail account. [ 02x09 Deleted Scene 7 ] Michael: [moves chair to Jim and Dwight's desks] Ooo, bleh bleh bleh. Dwight: Where's your tie? Michael: I don't know. Just felt like taking it off. Man, work can be just so damn frustrating don't ya think, Jim? Jim: Uh, yeah, I guess. Dwight: What's going on, Michael. Talk to me. Michael: I don't know, same old stuff. Same old. Boss just been ridin' my ass. Dwight: Oh no! Jan!? What's goin' on? Michael: I don't wanna talk about it. I just wanna hang out, just be one of the guys. Dwight: The most important one of the guys. Michael: That's not the point. Dwight: That's exactly the point. You've ht a slump. It happens to the best of us. You just have to remember, you know- Michael: Yeah. Dwight: Where you come from, and who you are. Michael: Ok. Dwight: You know, you have worked so hard for this. You are the boss; you can buy and sell us with just a snap of your little finger. Michael: Ok yes, I would never do that. Jim: Yeah, no one can snap with their little finger. Michael: Ha. Dwight: Jim, this is hardly the time. Michael: No, this is completely the time, this is perfect time. This is just guys gently ribbing each other, it's what it's all about, just hangin' out. Enjoying friends, all being the same. Worker bees. Dwight: And their king bee. Michael: No, just bees, just bees hanging out, buzzing around. Dwight: Master bee. Michael: I'm not a master bee. Dwight: Queen bee. Michael: I'm just a bee, Dwight, ok, just a bee, just buzzin'. [ 02x09 Deleted Scene 8 ] Pam: Hi! Roy: Hey babe. Hey, how are you!? Pam: Good. Roy: You look good. Pam: Thank you. Roy: Hey, um, I was wondering if it'd be ok if I go to Lonny's poker game tonight. I promise, it'll be like the last time for a while. Pam: We were supposed to go to the barbeque at Jim's house. Roy: Oh, man. Um, could you go without me? Make something up, say I like, ate something, or... Pam: Uhh... Roy: Huh, huh? You're the best. You're the best! Pam: I might be late. Roy: Ok, don't wake me up cause I'm playing ball in the morning. Pam: Ok. Roy: Alright, bye. [Pam looks around the office] Pam: [to the cameraman] Did I miss anything? [ 02x09 Deleted Scene 9 ] Michael: Five o'clock. Time to go get my improv on. [drinks] Little bit of the comedy juice. Mmm. Alright, see if you can guess what this is. [roars and flails his arms] That is a dinosaur getting ready to go to improv class. Just a taste of the improv. [ 02x09 Deleted Scene 10 ] Michael: I need to know... who sht Johnson! Mary-Beth: Uh, President Johnson. Um- Michael: Shut up! Mary-Beth: Ok. Michael: I have a right mind to sht you right in the head. Mary-Beth: I, I klled him. You're right! It was me! Michael: Just shut up! I don't wanna hear anything more from you. Improv Teacher: No, listen to what she's saying. Mary-Beth: Alright, I'll be quiet if we can make some kind of deal. A deal? Michael: Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! No deal. Not with Michael Scarn, FBI. Michael Scarn doesn't make deals. Michael Scarn sh*t and then asks questions later. [blows on his fake gn] Improv Teacher: Good, good. Michael: She was kind of tripping me up, cause she was, um, I was trying to get something going, when I was over her with the gn, and she like kept changing the story. Mary-Beth: I don't think... he was saying- Michael: Well, you kept- Mary-Beth: He kept saying "shut up"- Michael: Going into nuclear something; that's not where the scene was going. Mary-Beth: I- Bill: It goes wherever. Michael: Well, it goes, it goes in the best direction, and that was not the best direction. Mary-Beth: I felt like he was ordering me around, cause he- Michael: Well, he, Michael Scarn, that character, orders people around, and that's, you should of just gone- Improv Teacher: All your characters order people around though, and- Michael: Well... Improv Teacher: There's stronger choices. Michael: I don't think there's any stronger choice than being a really strong character. Mary-Beth: We've seen you do that character before though. I mean, you know, that's cool. Michael: Well, it's, like, well, it's, you know, when refine it, refine a character down to its essence, that's... Mary-Beth: Like Jim Carrey or something. Michael: Exactly, thank you. Mary-Beth: Right, well I wasn't saying that- Michael: I appreciate that. Mary-Beth: Nah, I know, I just meant that... he sht me, I just- Michael: Or Ryan Stiles, something like that. Mary-Beth: Yeah, ya know maybe, he made me get on the ground, and I didn't feel safe in this game. Michael: You shouldn't have been, 'cause you were dealing with Michael Scarn. That was exactly what I was hoping to achieve, so that is probably the best thing you could have said, that's a compliment. Improv Teacher: You succeeded. Michael: Good work. Mary-Beth: Yeah. [ 02x09 Deleted Scene 11 ] Jim: And in this room here, if you look closely, you will find out a few clues about who lives here. Um, he likes biking, obviously, and uh, what else? Uh, he likes tour guides, I guess. And if you're very perceptive, you'll notice that he didn't do a great job of cleaning his room [kicks water bottle under bed]. Ok, and uh, that's the tou- Ryan: And he's really into penguins or something? Jim: Um, thank you, Ryan, uh, I don't know, I think I made the mistake one day of telling someone that I like penguins, and here we are. Phyllis: Oh, I'm sorry. I gave you a penguin. Jim: And that's why it's on my desk, Phyllis; it means a lot to me, and now that I know it was from you, it means even more. Moving on! Uh, ok, so that's the end of the tour for now, and if you liked it please tell your friends[/b]: "Whenever you're in Scranton, visit Casa de la Halpert". [ 02x09 Deleted Scene 12 ] Improv Teacher: Ok, for the next exercise, let's everyone pair up.[everyone picks a partner] And everyone got somebody? Ok, good. [Michael is partner-less] Uh, ok, uh, why don't you go out in the hallway and go through all the rules in your head. Ok, you take a break and sort of run through the rules in your head. Ok, stay there. Michael: I'll just throw out some suggestions. Improv Teacher: Ok, you guys wanna start? [to Michael] Don't throw out any- Michael: They're in a whorehouse. Improv Teacher: Suggestions. Michael: And he's a proctologist. [to teacher] What? Improv Teacher: We don't need a suggestion for this one; it's gonna come from them. [to other students] It's a game called "Yes, and?" and uh, you will say the first sentence. And uh, you're telling a story- Michael: First sentence is[/b]: "I'm a proctologist". Improv Teacher: We're not gonna get a suggestion for this one, it's gonna come from them. [to students] Ok, you're gonna say the first sentence and then she will say yes to that and then she'll add something to the story, like you're telling a story. [looks at Michael and then students] Oh yeah, what was he doing? Ok, why don't you take a break? Since you don't have a partner. Michael: Alright, I'm ready here. Improv Teacher: Ok. [ 02x09 Deleted Scene 13 ] Kevin: Why don't you turn it up? [Ryan moves to turn up the grill] Uh! Not so fast... fre Guy. Think we need some more heat, fre Guy? Hey, fre Guy, maybe we should burn Jim's house down. Ryan: That's really funny. Kevin: Hey, Kelly; I called him fre Guy. Kelly: Good one, Kev. Kevin: Yeah... hey Stanley- Ryan: He called me fre Guy. Stanley: Oh, good one. [laughs] Kevin: It never gets old. Ryan: Never gets old. Season 2 - Episode 10 "Christmas Party" [ 02x10 Deleted Scene 1 ] Oscar: Towards me. Creed: Okay. Oscar: Towards me. That's good, towards me. Towards me. Towards me, towards me. Okay, I'm good. I'm good, I'm good. Creed: Okay, okay. [gasping] Oscar: Creed. [ 02x10 Deleted Scene 2 ] Michael: Remember on that animated special when they taught the uh, the monster to put the star on top? That's Dwight. Dwight's the monster that we taught to put the star on top of the tree. You take his teeth out, and he could put the star on top of the tree. [ 02x10 Deleted Scene 3 ] Pam: Do you want me to help you with that? Phyllis: Yeah. Michael: Phyllis and Angela and Meredith are helpers. I guess Angela's kind of... Angela's little. Phyllis and Meredith are not little. Pam is sort of a medium helper. [ 02x10 Deleted Scene 4 ] Dwight: Okay. Christmas lights? Good. Tinsel? Good. Star? Good. Michael: Dwight is... Dwight looks like Spock to me. He always wears the ears, and I always give him grief about looking like Spock, and he hates it because he has a different pair of ears that he wears to be Spock, for some reason. [ 02x10 Deleted Scene 5 ] Dwight: Question, Pam. Is Roy coming to the party? Pam: Yes. Dwight: Okay, well, you didn't tell me that. Now, he will not be allowed in unless we register him on this list. Pam: Are you kidding? Dwight: Do I look like I'm kidding? [Pam shakes her head 'no'] Phyllis, stag, I assume. Phyllis: I'm bringing someone. Dwight: Really? Phyllis: I invited someone to the party. Bob Vance. He works at Vance Refrigeration next door. That's how we met. [whispers] He's my boyfriend. [ 02x10 Deleted Scene 6 ] Dwight: Everyone, please remain calm until we receive further instructions. Pam: Just let us open up the presents, Dwight. Dwight: Absolutely... not. Dwight: What separates humans from jungle beasts? The fact that we have rules. When humans give each other gifts, they do it properly and orderly. When bears give each other gifts they just rip open a fox carcass and present it to their mate. I prefer the human way. [ 02x10 Deleted Scene 7 ] Oscar: Man, I really wanted that. I really wanted the shower radio, too. Michael: Well, thank God you didn't steal my oven mitt. And Oscar, you little gourmand, your turn. Oscar: I'll take the tea pot. Meredith: Damn it. Kelly: So, I guess, you really didn't want the shower radio that bad. No, I just like tea. Oscar: No, I just like tea. Kelly: I don't know why Oscar didn't like the gift. I know he wanted a shower radio. I mean, I totally remember him telling me that he wanted one. Oscar: Kelly had me last year, too, and she gave me the same exact thing. I only have one shower. [ 02x10 Deleted Scene 8 ] Michael: Oscar, paint ball pellets. Oscar: I guess I'll take the last gift. Cool. Pam: It was supposed to be for Meredith, 'cause she said she likes my drawings. Meredith: Thanks. I wish I could've had it. Do you wanna trade? Michael: Yeah. Like anybody would want an oven mitt. [Phyllis gets up and leaves the party] [ 02x10 Deleted Scene 9 ] Toby: So, hey, you wanna trade? Kelly: Yes, totally, 'cause I was just gonna throw this out anyway. Toby: Really? You were gonna throw out a book? Kelly: Mmm-hmm. [ 02x10 Deleted Scene 10 ] Kevin: [Rap music playing] [singing] The time is now, the place is here And the whole wide world is filled with cheer My name's DMC with the mike in my hand And I'm chilling and cooling just like a snow man Darryl: Yeah. Kevin: [singing] So open eyes Lend us an ear We wanna say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year [Darryl whooping] Yeah. Kevin: I'm the DJ because I really know how to heat up a party. [ 02x10 Deleted Scene 11 ] Dwight: I do enjoy a drink now and again, but tonight, no. I am also an officer of the law and I'm unofficially on the clock. I need to stay sober and alert. Also, on a personal note, I'm not at my best when I drink. [ 02x10 Deleted Scene 12 ] Ryan: I actually got that for you. I had you originally. Toby: Oh, cool. It looks really interesting. What did you end up with? [Ryan pulls Creed's old coat out of a bag] Sorry. Ryan: I didn't want anything else, so I figured at least I could give it to a homeless guy. Toby: Christmas. Ryan: Yeah, Christmas. [ 02x10 Deleted Scene 13 ] Oscar: What did you end up with? Creed: Your shower radio. Oscar: You like music at least? Creed: I love it. I actually used to have a radio show back in the '70s. Oscar: You're kidding. What was your DJ name? Creed: Whacky-weed Creed. Oscar: Turns out that Creed is a pretty interesting guy. [ 02x10 Deleted Scene 14 ] Angela: You behaved very badly tonight. Kelly: Sorry? Michael: See, that's what Christmas is all about to me, is when you see someone open a gift and you think, "Man, I wish I got that." I mean, that's just such a great feeling, to watch other people envying a gift that you gave to somebody else. I don't know, it's just... I don't know, just makes you kind of feel good. Season 2 - Episode 11 "Booze Cruise" [ 02x11 Deleted Scene 1 ] Phyllis: Are you all packed? Kelly: Yes, I brought my duffel bag and a sleeping bag. Oscar: Where do you guys think we're going? Kelly: Definitely some place you can swim. Oscar: Right. Phyllis: Maybe Florida. Kelly: Did you hear something? [ 02x11 Deleted Scene 2 ] Michael: [knocking] Yeah. Jan: Hello, Michael. Michael: Hello. Jan: Can we come in? Michael: Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jan: Thank you very much. Michael: Have a seat. Jan: Brenda. Michael: Oh, every man's dream. Jan: Oh, really? A surprise visit from his boss? Michael: Two ladies at once. What? Why are you looking at me like that? Okay, you heard something. Um, yeah, it's a booze cruise, but it... There's more to the story than that. It... Jan: A booze cruise? What do you mean? Michael: Leadership off-site. Uh, booze cruise is just a rhyme... Jan: Michael, we discussed the IRS's regulations. Michael: Yeah, I don't even know why I said booze cruise. I don't even think there's booze on the boat. Jan: Okay, this event has to have legitimate business content to be tax deductible. Michael: Of course. Jan: We discussed that. Michael: Of course, of course. Yes. Yes. Look, I have a whole program planned. Jan, this program is going to change people's lives. I am going to be dropping serious knowledge all over the boat. Jan: Good. This is Brenda Matlow from corporate training. Michael: Hello. Jan: I thought she could attend tonight, and if your event is appropriate, you could give it to other branches. Michael: Oh, cool. Cool. And maybe you could attend tonight and then you could stay over at my house for the night. Awkward. That's... You know what. Brenda, could Jan and I have a moment alone? Brenda: Jan said if you asked me that I was supposed to say no. Michael: Really? You seriously said that? Okay. Brenda, could Jan and I have a moment alone? Brenda: Sure... Jan: Brenda. Michael: Thanks. Brenda: I mean, no. Jan: Okay, you know, I'm gonna go now, and... Michael: Oh, okay. Jan: Good luck, Brenda. Michael: I'll see you later. Jan: Okay, see you later. And try to be professional. Michael: I'll call you later. Jan: No, that's all right. Michael: That's like... Jan: You call me if you need anything, Brenda. Michael: I'll call you, too. [to Brenda] So. You are probably gonna get carded, so I can make you a fake ID. We have a laminating machine. [ 02x11 Deleted Scene 3 ] Michael: What is a sales department? Oscar, what do you think? Oscar: I don't know what the categories are of workers on a boat. Michael: I'm not giving you the answer. Deck hands is one. And... Dwight: Oh, oh, can I be the first mate? Michael: No, I'm first mate. You're second mate. I'm first mate, as the captain. Pam: How about the anchor? Michael: Well, the anchor is the only thing that kind of slows the ship down. Toby is the anchor. Oh, God. He, well... [to Brenda] Tell you about Toby later, he's awful. Brenda: Yeah, I know Toby from Jan's birthday. Toby: Hey, Brenda. Michael: Oh, hey, Toby. So... It's an analogy. [ 02x11 Deleted Scene 4 ] Michael: [Toby running to get on the cruise] Hey! What's wrong with you? You missed the boat. Toby: I got lost. Michael: Idiot. Captain Jack: We can go back. Michael: No, no, no. That's his punishment for not being here on time. Too bad, anchor! Toby: I guess I shouldn't have stopped for dinner. [ 02x11 Deleted Scene 5 ] Dwight: On the high seas, Captain Jack is the leader. On the land it's Michael. On the ramp up to the boat, I was a bit conflicted. But now that I'm here, I'll follow Captain Jack to hell and back. Dwight: Hey, Captain Jack, what kind of fish they got in this lake? Captain Jack: Perch, bass. Dwight: You know, my grandfather told me there was a monster here that eats Catholics. Have you heard... Captain Jack: I haven't heard that, Dwight. Dwight: If the hull is breached for any reason or the boat is overtaken, I am a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy, and you can count on me. Captain Jack: That's good to know, Dwight. Thanks. Michael: Your problem now, Captain Jack. [ 02x11 Deleted Scene 6 ] Michael: Hey. You know what the best way of studying is? Ryan: At home, not on a boat? Michael: Flash cards. Ryan: Flash cards. Doesn't really help me right now because I'm on a boat. Michael: You are gonna get seasick if you keep reading in here. Ryan: Well... [ 02x11 Deleted Scene 7 ] Captain Jack: Yeah! All right. All right. That was awesome. All right, looks like the guitar player's gonna take a little break. So this'd be a great time to head on over to the taco bar. All right. Michael: That is a great way to kll this party. Not on my watch. Let's, uh,... Let's rock. Let's rock some stuff here, okay? [playing badly] Okay... I'm hearing a little too much reverb. [feedback echoing] Can we down the reverb? All right. Follow my lead. [playing Smoke on the Water] Does you guys know that? Take the bass. Take the drums. What? Creed: Do you want me to give it a sht? Just... Michael: You know what? I don't think it's in... Creed: I... Michael: That's not in tune. I don't know if you can... Creed: I don't know, let's try. Michael: ...make much of out of it, Creed. Good luck to you. I don't know. It is a defective ax, my friend. Creed: All right. Michael: Good luck. Creed: Guys, E, blues. Follow me, okay? [playing well] Roy: Yeah! Creed: Back in the '60s, I was with the Grass Roots. We toured with Janis Joplin, The Doors, Cream. We had a lot of fun, And now I do quality assurance for a paper company. As you can imagine, drugs played a part. They still do. My work calls last about 90 seconds, and that's about as long as I can concentrate. Michael: Those slide moves are just bush league. I hope I die before I'm old. [ 02x11 Deleted Scene 8 ] Ryan: [throwing up] [ 02x11 Deleted Scene 9 ] Darryl: [speaking Spanish] Por favor, tequila seoor. Angela: I think you've had enough. Darryl: What you say, bitch? You know, you might be right. [ 02x11 Deleted Scene 10 ] Pam: You've been to the lake before? Roy: Yes, I have. [kisses Pam] Roy: Should have done it a long time ago. Pam: Yes, you should have. Roy: I do what's right whenever I figure it out. I love you, babe. Pam: Love you. Katy: You should make a toast. Jim: No, I really don't want to. Katy: Jim, come on, don't be shy. Katy: Everybody, everybody? There is a toast. Come on... Michael: Yeah! Toast! Katy: Yeah, toast! Toast! Toast! Pam: Yeah. Roy: Come on. Jim: Thanks, Katy. Um, didn't really prepare anything to say. We're all caught pretty unprepared with this whirlwind courtship. I guess I just wanna say that Pam is the greatest. My best friend. And she's awesome. And... Dwight: Okay, okay. My turn, my turn. Is this thing on? Uh, I want to congratulate the happy couple. You know, they say that marriage is an institution. And I say, who wants to be in an institution? Michael: That's my line! That's my line, That's... I always say that at weddings. So I'll just think of something else to say. I... [band starts playing] Katy: Cheers. [ 02x11 Deleted Scene 11 ] Michael: Hey, Jim. You got a hat? Jim: Yeah. Michael: Thanks. [ 02x11 Deleted Scene 12 (from NBC.com) ] Phyllis: [to Angela] So this is... Stanley: [storms out of Michael's office] Well, we're not going to Florida. Phyllis: Oh. Someplace with a pool, then? Stanley: [gives Phyllis a look] Season 2 - Episode 12 "The Injury" [ 02x12 Deleted Scene 1 ] Oscar: [Jim popping Michael's bubble wrap cast] You should put butter on it. Michael: Uh, that's what she said. See, haven't lost my sense of humor. No, no need, it was a non-stick grill. [ 02x12 Deleted Scene 2 ] Jim: I've had a Foreman grill for about six years, I've done about 85% of my cooking on it, but I've never burnt myself, probably because I don't use it as a pillow. [ 02x12 Deleted Scene 3 ] Michael: I always keep a stash of bubble wrap at my house. Some days, hectic, tiring days, I just like to go home and zone out and click on the tube and pop a few. Very soothing. [to the interviewer] Want to try? [ 02x12 Deleted Scene 4 ] Jim: You know, that's probably not gonna last too long, you should go to a hospital and get a real cast. Michael: Right, I'm gonna spend the day in the hospital, bujehh. Bureaucracy and germs. Jim: And doctors. Michael: Yes, so, no thank you. Dwight: Pssht. Michael: What? Dwight: Constructing a home-made cast? Genius. Filled with foresight. Like in the pioneer times, if you lost a leg, they would then use the bone of the leg for a cane. They wasted nothing. Michael: Wow, I don't want to hear... you talk. Pam, could I have a word with you in my office? [stumbling] Oh, oh, oh. Alright. [ 02x12 Deleted Scene 5 ] Ryan: My assignment is to make a temporary disabled parking permit for Michael Scott. [ 02x12 Deleted Scene 6 ] Angela: Ooo! Who made popcorn? [Michael rubbing butter on his foot] [ 02x12 Deleted Scene 7 ] Toby: [on speakerphone] Well you know, frankly a lot of us have been saying this for a long time. Michael: Yeah, I've been sayin that. Toby: Yeah, and I, uh, I think that the very fact that we're including it in our agenda frankly, is a big step forward. Michael: Did you know I used to be in HR? Toby: I'm sorry? Michael: I used to be in HR. I was a Hell raiser. Toby: Uh, ok. Michael: Right? [laughs] Toby: Uh, great. Why don't we move on? Michael: Alright. Movin' on. Toby: Great. Because you that I think the very fact that [Michael mutes the call] Michael: Ry-an. You're here. Whatcha got, whatcha got? Alright, Panic Room, Maverick, Nell, Sommersby, The Accused. Where's Little Man Tate? Ryan: They were out. Michael: Oh come on. Ryan: At three different places. Michael: Oh man. It's not a Jodie Foster afternoon without Little Man Tate, buddy. [ 02x12 Deleted Scene 8 ] Michael: Mmm, I'm telling you the best cure in the world is comfort food. You know how they say "stuff a cold"? Well I don't care you've got, the flu, Lyme disease, emphysema, you eat an entire dark meat chicken, you can walk on the moon. [ 02x12 Deleted Scene 9 ] Dwight: Look, I feel fine. As a volunteer sheriff's deputy I have been trained to notice all the signs of a concussion. One of them is slurred speech, ok? Number three, shortness of breath. There are four things you have to remember. One[/b]: I am faster than 80% of all snakes. Also. [ 02x12 Deleted Scene 10 ] Doctor: We need to get your friend into the CT machine. Dwight: Into a machine?! Ok. Uh, that's bad, will you stay with me? Michael: No. Dwight: Ok, will you please call my cousin Mose? Michael: No, I'm not calling your weirdo cousin. Twenty-seven years old, never left the beet farm. Dwight: Oh God. Oh God. Michael: Guh-od. Dwight: Oh God. Michael: Ok, I'll stand near you. Dwight: Next to me? Michael: Next-ish. [ 02x12 Deleted Scene 11 ] [Spanish language telenovela dialogue from the waiting room T.V.] Jim: I'm gonna pull the car around. Michael: Shh shh shh shh. Jim: Do you speak Spanish? Michael: No. Do you? Jim: No, I don't. Season 2 - Episode 13 "The Secret" [ 02x13 Deleted Scene 1 ] Michael: Hello. Pammy want a crcker? Pam: No thanks. You got a package. Michael: Oh, Pam with the dirty talk. [laughs] [ 02x13 Deleted Scene 2 ] Dwight: And he's lining it up. Seems pretty straightforward from here. If Michael Scott sinks it, he'll win a Buick signed by Tiger Woods. Michael: Oh! Dwight: He totally misses, Michael: No, he meant to put it right next to the hole, that's much harder to do. Dwight: Interception. He sh*t, he scores, yeah! Michael, try it like this. This'll be much harder. Michael: No, no, no, no. I don't want to chip my mug. Please get that off the floor. [sets mug on the edge of Michael's desk] Michael: All right. Jack Nicholson for birdie. Dwight: Jack Nicholas. Michael: It's a celebrity tournament. Dwight: [golf ball rolls under bookcase] I got it. No problem. [clears throat] Michael: Do you see it? Dwight: Oh, man, it's really back there. Michael: Do you feel it? Dwight: Yeah. I can barely... Michael: [mug falls off Michel's desk and smashes on the floor] God... damn it, Dwight! That's great. Dwight: Should I clean out my desk? Michael: [pulls a brand new mug out of his desk door] That won't be necessary. [ 02x13 Deleted Scene 3 ] Dwight: Don't be fooled by the phrase "dust bunnies." They are vicious little bitches and if they get inside your disc drive, God help you. They will bring your computer to its knees. They sit in corners hatching, defecating, laying eggs. And their sole purpose in life is to eat dad skin, which humans in this office shed by the boat load. Especially Creed. [ 02x13 Deleted Scene 4 ] Michael: Look at all them out there, my little worker bees buzzing away. Dwight: If they're the worker bees, you're the Queen bee. Michael: No, I am the King bee, Dwight: Queen's higher. Michael: No, King is higher. Then Ace. I am the Ace bee. [ 02x13 Deleted Scene 5 ] Ryan: People Magazine, crossword puzzle, keep or toss? Michael: Keep. I will finish that later. Ryan: It's from '99. Michael: Yeah, I know when it's from, Ryan. Ryan: 18 across. Mary-Kate and Ashley blank." Michael wrote, "Judd?" [ 02x13 Deleted Scene 6 ] Michael: Yeah, I rushed a few fraternities, but you know what? I don't believe in paying for friendships. So, I made a decision not to accept any offers. And fortunately none were made. Which was good, so nobody's feelings got hurt. [ 02x13 Deleted Scene 7 ] Dwight: Temp, shouldn't you be monitoring the progress of people's cleaning efforts? Ryan: Everything seems pretty much under control. Dwight: Yeah. Well, I'd hate to see it blow up in your face. Ryan: How would... Dwight: Let's table that. So, temp... You seem to be pretty close to this Oscar. Ryan: Not really. Dwight: Getting defensive? Ryan: No. Dwight: You seem a little nervous. You shouldn't be. [ 02x13 Deleted Scene 8 ] Michael: Thank you, Dana. Dana: Sure. Michael: Keep the change. Here you go buddy, happy birthday. Jim: Wow. Thanks. Michael: You're welcome. Jim: No, you what, seriously, you should have it. Michael: No, no, no, no. I have the long sleeve. And actually, you know what we should do? We should wear them tomorrow to work, it'll be hysterical. Jim: Oh, tomorrow, that's gonna be tough 'cause I already laid out my outfit, so... Michael: Okay, Tuesday. Whenever. You'd better try it on, make sure it fits. Season 2 - Episode 14 "The Carpet" [ 02x14 Deleted Scene 1 ] Dwight: I think this whole disaster on Michael's carpet happened for a good reason. Him sitting next to me is a huge gift. This girl I know would say that it was a gift from God, but I don't know about all that. Angela: Obviously, this was Kevin. This is his sense of humor exactly. Kevin: There are so many people with motives, even me. Almost everyone is a suspect. Whoever did this is a genius. [laughs] [ 02x14 Deleted Scene 2 ] Kelly: That looks, cool, where is that? Jim: What? Kelly: That hotel, it looks so romantic. Jim: Oh, just somewhere in the Poconos. I was just surfing. Kelly: I went with my parents to the Shadowbrook Farm once. That was also really romantic. Oh, my God, I wish a boy would take me there. I would need a fun new top. You know what a great color is on me? Lavender, actually. Jim: Just give me one second. I'm just gonna grab something to eat. Jim: Hey. Toby: Hey. Jim: So, you used to share that cubicle with Kelly, right? Toby: Mmm-hmm. Jim: And then you just changed desks, right? Toby: Yeah. Jim: To one without a cubicle. Toby: Yeah. Jim: So, you just couldn't take it anymore, huh? Toby: What are you talking about? Jim: So, that's how it's gonna be. Toby: Yeah. Toby: Honestly, I don't even hear her anymore. It's like waves crashing against the beach. [ 02x14 Deleted Scene 3 ] Michael: [on the phone] Okay, that quantity of cotton fiber will cost you... my screen disappeared. I know. I will click on the bottom and... Yes. I'm getting one of those little hourglass things. Used to have a price chart on the wall, now it's a little hourglass thing with an arrow next to it. Now it's just an hourglass thing. Uh-huh, yeah, well, or I can call you back. Okay. Dwight: [on the phone] Excellent, good, good. Well, our truck is going out first thing tomorrow morning. So... Stanley: ...cases of typical format and coated white paper. Okay, thanks again so much. All right, bye-bye. Phyllis: 20 cartons of it's coming, on it's way. Michael: What's going on? Anything here? Stanley: Yes. Michael: Yes, yes. What yes? A sale or a lead or... Stanley: A sale. Michael: Ah. Small? Stanley: Big. Michael: Huge? Stanley: Just big. Michael: Would you say the sale that I made earlier was huge or... Stanley: Big. [ 02x14 Deleted Scene 4 ] Dwight: [on the phone] Good. No, I completely understand, times are a little tight right now. If it's alright with you though, I will just give you a call back next month. Great, thank you so much. Goodbye. Michael: What was that? Dwight: What? Michael: You call that a sales call? My God, what have they been teaching you? Dwight: You're the one who trained me, Michael. Michael: Yeah, well, did I teach you to roll over like a submissive dog? Dwight: You most certainly did not. Michael: No, I did not. Dwight: What can I do better? Michael: Exactly, ask me, which you did, so, tell a joke. Dwight: I'm not good at jokes. Michael: Do you know a joke? Dwight: My cousin Mose told me a joke. Michael: Call a client right now. Dwight: Okay. Michael: And tell him the joke. Dwight: I will. Michael: Strike while the iron's hot. A joke always works. Dwight: [on the phone] Yes, Howard Gruber, please. Michael: Just sell it. Dwight: [on the phone] Howard, hello. Dwight Schrute. Dunder Mifflin. Yes, and you are my favorite client. Listen, I'm calling you to tell you a little joke. What is black and white and red and can't think? A nun who has a beet for a head. ... No, I'm Catholic, too. Michael: Give me the phone. Dwight: [on the phone] I understand. Michael: Give me the phone. Dwight: [on the phone] If I was offensive in any way, I... Michael: Tell him. Tell him that your supervisor is on the line. Dwight: [on the phone] Humor works in... Michael: The old one two. Let's do it. Dwight: [on the phone] ...crazy ways. I'm going to pass you off to my supervisor. Hold on one second. [whispering] Howard Gruber. It's Howard Gruber. Michael: [on the phone] Hey Howard. Michael Scott here. Yeah, sorry about that. Dwight is an idiot. I know. No, he's a little... Little dim. He's the janitor's brother, so... Dwight: That's not true. Michael: [on the phone] Uh-huh? Yeah. Well, you know, like in a fast food restaurant, just to be nice they hire somebody who can't even find their way to work? That is Dwight. Dwight: [whispering] He's my best customer. Michael: [on the phone] What can we do to help you out? You know what? I have a discount. Today and today only, on lightweight copier paper. Dwight: But that's my sale. This is my sale, Michael! Michael: [on the phone] Uh-huh, yes, I can do that. Absolutely! Perfect. Oh, I'm glad it timed out that way. [ 02x14 Deleted Scene 5 ] Dwight: What Michael doesn't understand is that when I worked in the fast food industry I was actually commended by management for the three "M"s. McService, McCompetence and McPunctuality. [ 02x14 Deleted Scene 6 ] Roy: [laughing] You gotta drink on that one. Too bad. Darryl: Hell yeah, yeah, yeah. Mo'fo, mo'fo. Roy: You ready? Darryl: Mmm-hmm. [thumping] [Roy groaning] Now you've got to drink. [ 02x14 Deleted Scene 7 ] Dwight: Okay, look, I know what you're gonna say. That I'm not standing up for myself. But you know what? It's complicated and I really don't appreciate all the badgering. Angela: You could out-sell Michael any day. [ 02x14 Deleted Scene 8 ] Michael: I really thought these people were my friends. My best friend since kindergarten, Elliot, that's a friend. Best friend ever. I should call him. Wonder where he lives. Season 2 - Episode 15 "Boys and Girls" [ 02x15 Deleted Scene 1 ] Michael: Oh! I don't know, Pam. I paid $400 for this phone because I liked the ring. Pam: You did? Michael: And now, I realize that you can program or download any ring you want. So, I'm a little overwhelmed. Pam: Yeah. Michael: There's a lot of choices. You got to help me here. Pam: Okay. Michael: Which one of these is coolest? What do you think? [classical piano playing] [violin playing] Pam: How about that one? Michael: No, no. [blues piano playing] Jim: Oh, that one was good. Michael: Dude, are you kidding me? No. That one says, "I am so lame." Know which one I want? There's one that sounds like a jackhammer. Just really grabs your attention. It's like... [imitating jackhammer] You know what I'm talking about? Jim: Do you mean vibrate? Michael: Yes. [ 02x15 Deleted Scene 2 ] Roy: Bushmaster's hard to bat for long distance. It's a great point. Dwight: Yeah. I got a gn in my car. Roy: Really? Dwight: Yeah. sh*t a chuck of potato at your face, 80 PSI, bon appetit! Michael: What are you guys talking about? Dwight and Roy: [at the same time] gn. Michael: Cool. Roy: How's that union stuff coming? Michael: Working on it. Roy: Yeah. Michael: Yup. Roy: Okay. Michael: All right. [ 02x15 Deleted Scene 3 ] Dwight: Guys! Check it out! gn! Woohoo! Bon appetit! [Darryl's office window shatters] Sorry. Darryl: That's my office. [ 02x15 Deleted Scene 4 ] Dwight: There was this film that I saw when I was little. It was about a kid who goes on the most incredible adventure. And even though it was really great, and she had a great time, she ends up back home in Kansas and says, "There's no place like home." And that's how I feel right now. There is no place like home. What the hell was that movie called? [sighs] It's gonna drive me crazy. Season 2 - Episode 16 "Valentine's Day" [ 02x16 Deleted Scene 1 ] Michael: Everybody, hello, can I have your attention, please? Since it's Valentine's Day, there's something that I wanted to say. I love the women of this office. Pam, I love you. Pam: Michael's got a few tricks for Valentine's Day. He found a place where you can get 12 plastic roses for $10 and he's got a great line. "Me so thorny." Michael: I love you, Angela. Yes, even you. I love you, Kelly. I love you, Meredith. This is all platonically, of course. Michael: I love ladies, always have. And you know what I think is the most attractive part of a woman's body? The brains. Because I don't think a woman is beautiful unless she is smart. And also, the brains are where the ladies get their best nasty ideas for bedroom stuff. [ 02x16 Deleted Scene 2 ] Pam: You have any big Valentine's Day plans, Kev? Kevin: Not really, my fiance is out of town. Pam: Where is she? Kevin: I'm not sure. Arizona? Sometimes she doesn't tell me. Pam: Cool. [ 02x16 Deleted Scene 3 ] Michael: That's a lot of noodles. How much sodium do you think is in that cup? This place used to be full of hookers and prn shops and it's not that way anymore. There's an old building. That one hasn't been torn down yet, but they will. They'll get to it. [ 02x16 Deleted Scene 4 ] Oscar: Happy Valentine's Day, Meredith. Meredith: Thanks. Creed: Okay, you take it easy, ace. Oscar: Here you go, Creed. Creed: Hey, thanks, ace. Creed: I'm not good with names. [ 02x16 Deleted Scene 5 ] Michael: This is where it's all happening. We got TGI Fridays. I'm in the picture! Sometimes I just jump into people's pictures. Lot of people have their picture taken. It's kind of a New Yorker thing. You jump in on a tourist's picture and kind of ruin it. There's an energy to New York that you just feel. Um, everybody... Don't get ht. Everybody is kind of together and everybody hates each other, but loves each other at the same time. Screw off! People just yell at each other in New York, and it's great. [ 02x16 Deleted Scene 6 ] Phyllis: I'm gonna go call Bob. Vance Refrigeration Worker #1: So, what are you doing for Valentine's Day? Pam: I'm gonna spend it with my fiance. Vance Refrigeration Worker #1: Okay. Pam: What are you guys doing? Vance Refrigeration Worker #1: Probably go grab dinner with my girlfriend. He's gonna be pulling his pud watching Skinemax. [points to Vance Refrigeration Worker #2] Pam: Nice. Dwight: Okay, okay. That's enough. Phyllis: Hey. Dwight: Come on, break this up. [ 02x16 Deleted Scene 7 ] Receptionist: Yes, sure. Mr. Scott, you can head to the conference room. The other managers are already there. Michael: Great. Thank you. Receptionist: All right. Michael: Okay, here's the thing about Jan. She talks such a big game about, "Oh there's nothing between us and stop talking about it." And "Border-line harassment when you call me at home." But let me ask you this, is it just a coincidence that this meeting is taking place on Valentine's Day? Answer, maybe, but maybe not. We shall see. [ 02x16 Deleted Scene 8 ] Dwight: How do you spell "animalian"? Jim: Animalian? Dwight: Yes. Jim: Why? Dwight: None of your business. I'm writing something. Jim: You're writing something? Dwight: Forget it. I'll look it up myself. Jim: Okay. Dwight: No, you know what? You do it. Jim: No, I'm not gonna do that. Dwight: Uh, yes, I'm in charge. You have to. Look it up. Jim: But I know how to spell it. Dwight: So tell me. Jim: Only if you tell me what you're writing. Dwight: Forget it. I'll do it. But you're getting written up. Jim: So now you're writing two things? Jim: Dwight lives on a beet farm and he practices karate at the forth grade level. And he apparently has a girlfriend, so... I guess there really is someone for everybody. [ 02x16 Deleted Scene 9 ] Kevin: [phone ringing] Hi, this is Kevin. Stacy? Happy Valentine's Day. Yeah. Oh, awesome. Okay. Yeah, I'll be leaving here soon. Cool. I love you, too. Okay, 'bye. Stacy's back. Oscar: That's great, man. [ 02x16 Deleted Scene 10 ] Devon: Hey Scott. Hey. Hey! Hey! Come here! Come here! I want to talk to you. Come here! Michael: You know what? It was nice to see Devon again. To sort of get closure on that whole thing. Season 2 - Episode 17 "Dwight's Speech" [ 02x17 Deleted Scene 1 ] Dwight: My future is so bright, Jim. Jim, do you know how bright my future is? It's so bright that... What? Do you know? Is there something I got to wear? Huh? Jim: Goggles? Dwight: [imitating '80s rock] [ 02x17 Deleted Scene 2 ] Dwight: And what a lot of people don't understand about sales is that it has so much to do with organization. I have a system in place for keeping track of who I speak to, when I speak to them and what we have discussed. Etcetera. Michael: That's it? You're going to end with "etcetera"? Okay, what's this big organizational system that... Dwight: Well, do you think I should describe our filing system? Michael: That would be su1c1de. Never, never talk specifics. Not in a speech. But the fact that you have no idea what to say is, believe it or not, the least of our worries. Dwight: It is? Michael: It's your delivery... Dwight: What is? Michael: Our biggest worry. Dwight: I don't follow. Michael: My God, Dwight. The best way to learn is by watching. That's why prn is a multi-trillion-dollar industry. Listen. Okay. Sit down, let me wow you. [clears throat] [shouting] Dwight: Oh, God! Michael: See, I have your attention now, don't I? You're scared, but now you're ready to learn. [ 02x17 Deleted Scene 3 ] Dwight: Well, that didn't go well. Michael: No, it did not. And that is because at no time did you employ the use of humor. We'll find you a joke that not even you can ruin. Michael: All right, listen up, please. Dwight has a joke. Dwight: [whispering to Angela] Stop it. [to the office] Two sailors walk into a bar... Meredith: Please don't tell a sailor joke. Dwight: Oh, why not? Phyllis: Her nephew's in Iraq. Michael: Iraq is sand. Sailors are on water. Pam: Yes, but they are both in danger. Michael: Yeah, well, you know what? We need to... All right, everybody in the conference room now. Let's go. [ 02x17 Deleted Scene 4 ] Michael: Who's gonna start. How about Phyllis? You kick us off and then we'll move around. Go ahead. Phyllis: What are we supposed to talk about? Michael: Anything your heart desires. Phyllis: I would like to toast to the good fortune I've been having lately... Michael: [shouting] Louder! Phyllis: I, uh, I met a man and I'm totally in love, and that's a chapter of my life that I thought had closed. Uh, I was terribly depressed for the longest time and I have to admit I had some very dark thoughts... Michael: Good. Good, good, good. That's good. Now see, that's not so hard, right? All right. Who's next? Who are we going to... Ryan. Ryan's next. Ryan: Why am I next? I thought we'd go in order? Michael: Don't be shy, shy boy. Don't be shy. Get up there. Ryan: Well... A lot of you know that I'm in business school. And while I'm learning a lot here, a lot, hopefully soon I'll land a challenging full-time or part-time position somewhere else. Dwight: All right. Stanley: Way to go, Ryan! Michael: Stop! Stop! Stop! That's, you know what? The toast is really not supposed to be about anything. It's certainly not supposed to be about going anywhere or doing anything else, so... Michael: Ryan is a temp, and that means that he could go at any time. Am I worried about that? Try scared to death. [ 02x17 Deleted Scene 5 ] Ryan: I got the stamps. Pam: The ones that say "love" on them? Ryan: The ones that say "39 cents." Pam: Oh. Doesn't matter. Ryan: I didn't think it did. Pam: As soon as they leave, well get Kelly and start. Ryan: Kelly's helping? Pam: Is that okay? Ryan: Yeah, sure. [ 02x17 Deleted Scene 6 ] Michael: Ghosts. Lots of ghosts in this old Radisson. There it is, Rosebud Room. Memories. Wow, this turnout is pathetic. I packed the house, you know. Dwight: Oh, no, I don't think this is it. Michael: Numismatic. Numismatic Collectors. Nope, wrong room. Michael: Okay. They got sports medicine seminar, nope. Science fiction convention, nope. Dwight: Oh, yeah, I read about that. The entire cast of Battlestar Galactica is gonna be here, including Starbuck. I'm so in love with her. Michael: You're weird. Dwight: No, no, no. It's totally normal, 'cause she's not a Cylon or anything. She's just a great human fighter pilot. If I see her, my heart will explode. Michael: Are you a 12-year-old girl? I don't know. There we go. [ 02x17 Deleted Scene 7 ] Michael: Ah, look at me. I'm huge in Wilkes-Barre. Performing nightly, Michael Scott. Not comedy fans here, which is fine because not having a sense of humor is just as fine as having one. Questions? Comment? Can't see you, but I know that you're not breathing. I know you're breathing. Is this on? Hello? "Well, isn't that... Well, isn't that special?" "Jell-O pudding." Bill Cosby. I think Bill Cosby said it best when he talked about his brother and all of the fun he... All the great things they did together as kids. And there was the one time when he put the snowball in the freezer, and it... And he waited for five months and then he took the snowball out and he threw it... He would have thrown it at the kid but then his mother had thrown out the snowball so he couldn't throw it. So... Bill Cosby is smoking! And now some race car. [imitating race car engine] That brings me to my... Brings me to a point that you should always have a list of your clients. It's important to because a client list is next to godliness... List. [baby crying] Could you shut him up, please? I mean, who brings a baby to a sales conference? Really rude. Season 2 - Episode 18 "Take Your Daughter to Work Day" [ 02x18 Deleted Scene 1 ] Angela: Okay. I think five plain and one veggie should be fine. Phyllis: How about pepperoni? Angela: No. Ryan: I like extra cheese. Angela: Absolutely not. Pam: I like extra cheese, too. Angela: Fine. The first lesson we'll teach children will be about obesity. Ryan: Thank you. [ 02x18 Deleted Scene 2 ] Jim: I'm pretty excited about today. I baby-sit Toby's daughter Sasha sometimes. So, she's the coolest kid. She has seen me play with dolls, though, so I don't know how cool she thinks I am. [ 02x18 Deleted Scene 3 ] Stanley: Put that away and learn. Melissa: Learn what? Stanley: Learn why Daddy's so cranky when he comes home from work. Stanley: I brought my daughter Melissa in. That girl is very spoiled. That child has no idea what I have to deal with so she can have her little cell phone and spend all my money at that Steamtown Mall. [ 02x18 Deleted Scene 4 ] Abby: I'm gonna go read my book now. Kevin: [whispering] Angela. Is it okay if I'm the head accountant today? Angela: I'm the head accountant. Kevin: Yeah, but can I say that I'm it, just for today? Angela: I can't set that kind of precedent. She's a bright girl. She'd see right through that. [ 02x18 Deleted Scene 5 ] Darryl: You must be pretty strong, huh? Jake: Yeah. Roy: You think you can bat up Darryl? Jake: Yeah. I don't know, maybe. Roy: I think you might be able to. Darryl: You think you could bat me up? Jake: Yeah. Yeah, I do. Darryl: Then you gotta have muscles, man. You got some muscles? Let's see. Jake: I got some muscles. You wanna see the muscles? Bam! Look at that. Michael: Hey, don't touch him, please! Darryl: Man, you have got to be kidding me. Michael: Didn't do background checks of the warehouse guys. [exclaims] Well, I'm sure it'll be fine. [ 02x18 Deleted Scene 6 ] Jake: Can I have a quarter? I promise I'll pay you back. Michael: Sure. Jake: Can I have a dollar? Then I can buy chips and a drink. Michael: Okay. There you go. Jake: Will you marry my mom? [ 02x18 Deleted Scene 7 ] Oscar: Melissa. Hey. I was working. I was in the middle of something. Melissa: Just give me two seconds, I'll be done. Oscar: I was in the middle of something. Melissa: Dude, seriously, just give me two seconds, I'll be done. Oscar: Stanley. [ 02x18 Deleted Scene 8 ] Abby: ...get you, I'm gonna get you! Come back here for more! [squealing] Creed: Kids, kids, kids, slow down. Abby: Oh, I'm gonna get you! [ 02x18 Deleted Scene 9 ] Dwight: What the... [pulls a pencil eraser out of his mug, after a drink] [ 02x18 Deleted Scene 10 ] Abby: Did you draw that? Pam: Yeah. Do you like to draw, Abby? Abby: Yeah, I wanna be an artist when I grow up. Pam: Me, too. Abby: You are grown up. [ 02x18 Deleted Scene 11 ] Kelly: So, how's your day been? Pam: Okay. It's been a little more tiring than I thought. Kelly: Yeah, it doesn't help that Stanley's daughter's such a slut. Pam: Hmm. [ 02x18 Deleted Scene 12 ] Jim: Hey, Abby. I wanted to give you this for all your hard work today. Look. Michael signed it and everything. Official. Abby: Thank you so much. Jim: Absolutely. Dwight: Oh, I hate to break it to you, Abby. The certificate's a fake. Okay? It's not real. Where's the certification number, Halpert? Jim: Actually, I have the certification number right here. Dwight: Oh, really? Uh-huh. Jim: Yup. Dwight: Oh. Okay. Fine. Well done. Jim: All right. Jim: "A7557962." Totally nonsense numbers, but you do what you have to do. Season 2 - Episode 19 "Michael's Birthday" [ 02x19 Deleted Scene 1 ] Jim: Michael's birthday. It's pretty fun to watch, actually. He gets very excited, and then he eats a lot of cake. And then he runs around the office. Then he has a sugar crash in the afternoon. And then he falls asleep. And that's when we get our work done. [ 02x19 Deleted Scene 2 ] Dwight: Let's get the party started. Michael: That's not how I taught you, right? [singing] My hump, my hump, my lovely lady lump Check it out [Dwight imitating drumbeat] Dwight: Michael's birthday is hard for me because he gets very excited. But he's also under a lot of pressure, which builds up until he's ready to explode. As his right-hand man, it's my job to release that pressure so that he can enjoy himself, if only for a moment. [ 02x19 Deleted Scene 3 ] Michael: Okay, here's the thing about bosses and employees. A good boss will say, "Hey, it's my birthday. Celebrate me." A great boss will say, "Hey, it's my birthday. Celebrate yourselves, because you are the ones who made me great, and I will acknowledge your contributions with donuts." [ 02x19 Deleted Scene 4 ] Michael: Good. You know, Ryan, you didn't have to get me a present. Ryan: I won't. Michael: Good. Great. Ryan: Okay, good. I think I'm gonna go. Michael: No, I think you're gonna stay. [ 02x19 Deleted Scene 5 ] Michael: On my 20th birthday, my supposed best friend, Sam Ambrose, ditched me for his twin sister's Sweet Sixteen party. And that was my worst birthday. Until today. [ 02x19 Deleted Scene 6 ] Kevin: Can you please stop staring at me? [Dwight continues to stare and then walks away] Dwight: To think that a man's skin could turn on him. It's brilliant, 'cause you'd never expect it. Most people think of their skin as an ally. [scoffs] Makes me rethink having skin at all. [ 02x19 Deleted Scene 7 ] Michael: [knock on door] Mmm-hmm. Ryan: Hey. I got the information. Michael: Oh, good. Okay. Don't tell me, tell them. Ryan: [turns to camera] "The survival rate for localized melanoma is 98%." Michael: Oh, my God. That's a piece of cake. That's a piece of cake. Oh, 2%. Jeez, that's good. Ryan: [looking at camera] "There was 7,800 deaths from melanoma in 2005." Michael: Out of, like, 18 billion Americans, so, no worry. Ryan: "For localized melanoma, the five-year survival rate is 98%. The survival rates for regional and..." Michael: Those were probably misdiagnosed. I mean, anybody with a zit goes in and says, "I have cancer." Ryan: "The skin is the largest organ of the body." Michael: Untrue. The heart is bigger than the skin. If you stretched the heart out, it would cover more than the entire body. [ 02x19 Deleted Scene 8 ] Angela: I'm not afraid of dying. I know where I'm going. But if I were Kevin, I might be terrified. Gluttony. Season 2 - Episode 20 "Drug Testing" [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 1 ] Jim: [growling] Nice. Pam: Kevin. Jim: Yeah. Pam: Do someone else. Jim: Um, [gives Pam a look] Pam: Angela. Jim: Whoa. Pam: The eyebrow. Jim: Yeah. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 2 ] Dwight: I'm not only hoping to find the culprit who committed this heinous crime, I am praying to find this heinous culprit. And I will pray to Thor himself, if that's what it takes. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 3 ] Toby: Michael's behavior is erratic and unpredictable, but I don't think he's doing drugs. Maybe he should. Take the edge off. Uh, not at work, of course. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 4 ] Dwight: People use marijuana to escape. Jim does not have a girlfriend. His sales are nothing to brag about. And he does not belong to any organized clubs. If that were my life, I'd do drugs. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 5 ] Phyllis: He asked if you've been acting withdrawn lately. Stanley: And what did you say? Phyllis: I said no. Stanley: Hmm. Phyllis: You're welcome. Dwight: Your turn, Stanley. [Stanley just takes a drink from his mug] Angela, you're up. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 6 ] Pam: Last night? Let's see. Dwight: Go ahead. Don't lie. Pam: I won't. It's just that last night is really hard for me to remember because I was just a teensy bit high. Should I have not said that? Dwight: No, no, no. It's okay. Go ahead. Pam: I know that I shouldn't have done it. But I was in the parking lot at the Quick and Easy. Dwight: Oh. Pam: And I took a bong ht from my Bong Water with my pimp. Dwight: Oh. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 7 ] Meredith: Pam said you had something important to tell me. Is it bad? Am I getting fired? [Jim shakes head 'no'] Why aren't you telling me? It must be bad. They're taking away my kid. I knew it. [Jim waves arms and shakes head 'no'] They're not taking away my kid. Oh. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 8 ] Kelly: Oh, sure, I can definitely help you with that. Okay? Please hold. Dwight: Kelly Kapour. Say your prayers. Let's go. Conference room, pronto. Come on, step it up. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 9 ] Michael: Drugs are everywhere in our society. They are omniscient. If you look at the amount of pot that was smoked in the United States last year, that would reach the moon. Oscar: How? Michael: Exactly. I know. It's amazing. Oscar: No, how could it reach the moon? Like, would you make it into a rope, or... Creed: I have some hemp ropes at my house, they're really strong... Michael: Shut... Shut it. No. Just... Just focus on the facts. Cocaine. They use cocaine. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 10 ] Dwight: Oh, me? Just one of the gng. Sitting in the back, doodling, not playing attention. Bam! Pow! Surprise! Got you! [Note pad reads, "Creed -Shifty eyes / Ryan - Dilated pupils / Kelly - Hyperactive"] There's a Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy in your midst, and he is taking names. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 11 ] Michael: One thing that you need to remember is that there's no way of knowing who's a user, who's an abuser, because we don't know. It could be anybody. Your instinct is to say it's somebody-like Stanley or Oscar... Stanley: Excuse me? Michael: No, no! Your instinct. That... Your gut reaction is to say that, but I don't! That's, that's... Those are instincts that have been created by media and hype. And they are wrong. What I am saying is that you just do not know who drug users are. It may be the person you least suspect. It may be somebody hot, like Pam, or it could be somebody matronly, like Phyllis, but just not me. Phyllis: It's not me, either. Michael: No? okay, fine. Jan: [on the phone] Michael, I'm gonna get going. I really don't think I need to be in this meeting. Michael: Okay, well, I really think that... [dial tone beeping] Pam: Has she been on the phone the whole time? Michael: Yeah. Sorry you had to hear that. It was a lovers' quarrel. Dwight: Make-up sex. Nice! Kevin: Nice. Michael: Okay, let's get personal for a second, shall we? [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 12 ] Dwight: The scary thing is, it could have been any one of these people. They all had a motive. To get high. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 13 ] Michael: Okay, well, I made up some fliers for everybody to take on your way out, in case you're ever tempted. So there you go. And, Dwight, you know, I'm very busy today. It wasn't even planning on going to the bathroom, so I don't even know if anything will come out. Dwight: just drink a lot of water. Michael: Well... Dwight: You have to relax your muscles around the bladder. Michael: I don't... Let's just not talk about it, okay? [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 14 ] Pam: [reading from Michael's flier] "Drugs[/b]: Let's not and say we did." I think Michael was high when he wrote this. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 15 ] Toby: You know, sometimes I wish we just didn't have a conference room. [Kelly laughs] You know? He couldn't do that. Kelly: But then we wouldn't have any meetings. Toby: Yeah. Kelly: Okay. Bye, Toby. Toby: Bye. Kelly: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God. Hello? Yes, I am so, so sorry. Yeah, actually, I don't have that information just yet. Uh-huh. Listen, do you mind if I put you on a brief hold? Okay. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 16 ] Angela: I look forward to drug testing. I used to get a runner's high, which is why now I swim. Meredith: Why would I be worried? I'm not a drug user. I would never abuse my body like that. I mean, they are plenty of other ways to have fun. My body is 100% drug-free. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 17 ] Pam: [telephone ringing] Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. Um, hold, please. [to Jim] There's a Brenda on the phone for you. [to Brenda] Just one second, I'll transfer. Jim: [telephone ringing] [shows note to camera "It's OK. She'll call back!"] [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 18 ] Man: She's got it up now. Sheriff: He'll be up. Okay, sure. I'll get someone down. Dwight: Hey. Hey. Jerry. Sheriff: Thanks. Dwight: Sheriff Pierce? I'm turning in my badge. Sheriff: Where sis you get that? Dwight: I got it here. Sheriff: No. No, you didn't. we didn't give you this. Dwight: No, I mean at the gift shop. Also, I can't wear this anymore. Sheriff: You were never supposed to wear this in the first place, Dwight. Come on now, seriously, you got me concerned here a little bit. Dwight: Oh, don't worry. I never abused my power. I only tried to help the Sheriff's Department in any way I could. Sheriff: Right, well... Why don't you give me a couple examples of ways that you've helped us out? Dwight: Oh, God, there are so many. Roadside assistance, breaking up unruly parties, surveillance... Sheriff: Surveillance? Dwight: Crowd control, directing traffic... Sheriff: Mace! You... You've been carrying around wapon-grade Mace? Dwight: I've only had to use it once. [ 02x20 Deleted Scene 19 ] Vance Refrigeration Worker #1: [tosses the butt of a joint in parking lot] We should get a pizza. Vance Refrigeration Worker #2: I hate pizza. Season 2 - Episode 21 "Conflict Resolution" [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 1 ] Dwight: [elevator bell dings] What is this? What happened here? Jim: I don't know. Dwight: Oh, this does not look good. Did anyone see what happened around my desk area this morning? Jim: Dwight, I really think someone's probably just playing a prank on you, so just go right through it. Dwight: A prank, huh? This is official police line tape, okay? It's not a prank. Jim: Probably is. Dwight: Damn it, people! Someone must have seen something! [Jim's cell phone beeping] Oh, you people are useless. Jesus. Pam: [telephone ringing] Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. Hold, please. Dwight, it's the Sheriff. He said that it's really important. It's regarding your desk. I'll transfer. Dwight: Oh, no, no, don't! I can't... [groans] [telephone ringing] Jim: Just cut through it, man, it's no big deal. Dwight: This is why I'm a Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy and you're not. Jim: That is not why. Wow, man, he really wants to get in touch with you. Maybe it's a mrder. Dwight: No, there's no blood. Jim: Maybe poison? Dwight: Possibly. Jim: My God! Dwight: [exclaiming in fear] No, Jim, no! [Jim knocks Dwight's phone off its cradle] [yelling toward the phone] Sheriff, this is Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy Dwight Schrute. Press the pound key! What's your 20? [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 2 ] Michael: Nothing much is happening today. We are having our photo IDs taken. Whoop-de-doo. Can't always be like The Apprentice. Ryan: I know. Michael: On Big Brother, something important happens every day. But real life is not like that. [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 3 ] Photographer: [Dwight slurping] Okay, here we go. One, two... Dwight: He sometimes wears glasses, write that down. Also, that may not be his real hair. [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 4 ] Michael: I hate it when people don't tell each other why they're angry. My dad was like that. I would say, "What's wrong, Dad? What's wrong, Dad? What's wrong, Dad? What's wrong, Dad? What's wrong, Dad? What's wrong, Dad?" Over and over and over. And he would just look at me like I was an idiot. [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 5 ] Dwight: I'm the one who petitioned the office board to have these ID badges taken. Photographer: So there were no death thrat? Dwight: Let me see your ID. [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 6 ] Michael: There is this old story about two women who each think they are the mother of this baby. And they can't decide, so they bring the baby to a wise man. Just like a manager in those days. And the wise man says, "I will adopt this baby and raise it as a Hindu." See? They didn't expect that. And that fixed it. Because I think he was the dad anyway. [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 7 ] Michael: There are dozens of old complaints in here. Cold cases, like the show. [imitating gonging] And Toby is a lazy detective who has decided that these armed robberies and rapes and mrder/suicides are not important enough to solve. Well, you know what? I have a problem with that. And I'm going to open up these cases before Toby can kll or rpe another person. [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 8 ] Photographer: All right. Pam: That's not bad. Hey, do you do weddings? Photographer: Would you seriously want your wedding photos to look like that? [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 9 ] Jim: Not bad. Dwight: I gave her a higher clearance than you. Jim: What does Level Red mean? Dwight: I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kll you. [laughing maniacally] [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 10 ] Meredith: Wait. [puts eye drops in] [Photographer takes the sht and her eyes are closed] Kevin: No, wait. [put on a hat] Yeah. [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 11 ] Phyllis: You must have misdialed. This is Phyllis. No, I'm not sure what his extension is. [glares at Stanley as he glares right back] [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 12 ] Michael: Wow! I never thought Dwight would go postal. It's always the person you least expect and I always thought Dwight would go postal. [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 13 ] Phyllis: Come on, Dwight, I think it's actually healthy to get it off your chest. Dwight: I'm done talking. I am a Schrute. We don't back down. Phyllis: You're arrogant and pompous, and I don't like you. [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 14 ] Michael: "Cage Match"? I don't know if it was in the packet from corporate, because I barely read any of it. So if you're asking if I stole their idea, the answer is no. [ 02x21 Deleted Scene 15 ] Hank the Security Guard: Excuse me, sir! Dwight Schrute, is that your real name? Dwight: Yes, sir. Kevin: Morning. Hank the Security Guard: Good morning. Okay, go ahead. Dwight: Thank you. [elevator door closes] No, come on... God! Season 2 - Episode 22 "Casino Night" [ 02x22 Deleted Scene 1 ] Michael: Everybody, in the conference room now, please. Thank you. Time is money. Dwight: Do you need anything? Michael: No. Dwight: Should I get water or donuts? Michael: No. Dwight: Come on, let's go. Take a seat. Oscar: What's going on, Michael? Michael: I want somebody to give me the name of one of our biggest competitors. Dwight: Office Depot! Michael: Good. Yes, that will work. All right. Now I need a plural noun. [All groaning] Pam: Apparently Michael has come up with a Dunder Mifflin Mad Lib, and he's making us play it with him. We are so happy. No. I'd like to choose a different adjective. Michael: How about a location? Dwight: The planet Caprica. Michael: Where the hell is that? Dwight: It's from Battlestar Galactica. Michael: Okay, all right. Stanley: I am going back to my desk... Michael: No, no, no. No, no, not until you give me an adjective. Stanley: Annoying. Michael: We already have that. So... Toby: Frustrating. Michael: No, Toby, damn it, come on! We already have that. I need something fun. Something like fat or smelly. Or pukey. Pukey. Pukey's good. Okay. Pukey. Now I need a noun. Phyllis: Ass. Michael: Good. Thank you, Phyllis. That wasn't so hard. All right, here we go. "Office Depot is an annoying store. One day Creed went there to buy paper. And he ran into irritating Cylons." Dwight: Yeah, get them, Creed! Michael: "One of them was named Michael Scott, and he was an..." Oh, damn it. Okay. Okay, okay, we're... Okay, we're starting over. [ 02x22 Deleted Scene 2 ] Dwight: My charity is the Farm Defense Fund. It's one of the best organizations that fights infestation of the beet armyworm. [ 02x22 Deleted Scene 3 ] Jim: My charity is the Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's Department, because Dwight's a Volunteer Sheriff. So I thought this was a perfect opportunity to support/mock him. [ 02x22 Deleted Scene 4 ] Dwight: I don't believe that Jim moved that coat rack. But if he did, he has an obligation to use his gift wisely. With great power comes great responsibility. They could do a cross-section of his brain to find out more. But I don't think it's true, though. [ 02x22 Deleted Scene 5 ] Michael: Look, if anything goes missing, we will reimburse. Darryl: Yeah. Can Dunder Mifflin afford that? Michael: Dang! Paper making paper, I.e. money. Darryl: What? Michael: Paper money. [clears throat] Yeah. The company's doing fine. Darryl: Mike, we're not shipping as much as we did last year. Michael: Hey. Okay. You know what? Don't even think. I command you to just go down and have fun tonight. All right? Don't think about it. Michael: Our numbers are down, yes, but we have a heck of a crew here in Scranton. Hardworking, motivated, dynamic. Every single last one of them. They follow my lead. I sort of set the tone. And it doesn't hurt that my ex works for corporate. Jan loves this branch, and I think that's really more than half the battle. [ 02x22 Deleted Scene 6 ] Pam: It is extremely stressful, planning a wedding by yourself. It's like a job. I mean, it's fun, but it kind of becomes like work. I've already planned it all out in my head. But it's just in my head. [ 02x22 Deleted Scene 7 ] Meredith's Vet: Hey. Meredith, right? Meredith: Oh, God. Oh, no. I have this problem all the time. I never remember people I've had sex with. Meredith's Vet: I'm your vet. Meredith: Oh, right. Meredith's Vet: And we had sex in the parking lot.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "02x99 - Deleted Scenes from Season 2"}	foreverdreaming
[ The Accountants, Webisode 01 - "The Books Don't Balance" ] Jan: Okay. So what is it that you wanted to talk to me about? Oscar: Well, we've been trying to balance the books for a week now, and for some reason, they're not balancing. Jan: I'm sorry? Angela: There's about $3,000 missing, and we're trying to figure out where it went. Jan: Well, it's probably just some accounting error. Angela: It is not an accounting error. Jan: Well, it could be... Angela: It is not an accounting error. Well, it's not my accounting error. Kevin: This is the first I've heard of it. They never tell me anything. I like it that way. Jan: Obviously we do need to find it quickly to ensure that it's not a criminal action. Kevin: Absolutely, Jan. Jan: But... I guess that's it. So, call me when you have news. Okay? Oscar: Okay. Angela: Michael said to stop by on your way out. [door bangs] Oscar: I'm pretty sure Michael's involved because every other time there's been money missing from the office, it's always been Michael. Except, he's usually really obvious. Like, he'll say he spent $50 on a lunch with a client, and he'll submit a receipt from J. Crew. Angela: Are we absolutely sure it's not an accounting error? Oscar: I went over my books three times. Angela: Me, too. Kevin: Has anyone in the office bought anything nice recently? Angela: That's a very nice watch, Oscar. Oscar: Yes, it is. My grandfather left it to me when he died. Angela: I've never seen it before. He must have died very recently. Oscar: Yes, he did, actually. About three weeks ago. [ The Accountants, Webisode 02 - "Phyllis" ] Phyllis: You guys wanted to see me? Kevin: Yeah. Oscar: Hi, Phyllis. Um, we're going over everyone's expenses for the year. It's just standard procedure. Angela: We're missing $3,000 and we're trying to figure out where it went. Michael is the obvious suspect, but he is the boss, so we have to at least pretend to ask other people first. Oscar: So, I know the answer's probably "no," but did you take any money, or buy anything with company money or anything like that? Kevin: Oh, my God. Angela: I knew it. Oscar: You did? Phyllis: Well, about three months ago, I was on a sales call and I broke the heel on my shoe and I only had the corporate card. I'm really sorry. Oscar: Well, how much was that? Phyllis: $14. Oscar: We're talking more like $3,000. Phyllis: $3,000? That wasn't me. Oscar: No. We didn't think it was. Phyllis: It will never happen again. My boyfriend, Bob Vance, from Vance Refrigeration gave me a Vance Refrigeration credit card. Only for emergencies. Kevin: An emergency like, you have an ice cream cake, and you're in the sun, and it's melting? Angela: You don't use it to buy refrigerators, Kevin! Kevin: Don't yell at me. Oscar: Okay. Thank you, Phyllis. Phyllis: Okay. [ The Accountants, Webisode 03 - "Meredith" ] Angela: So, is there anything you want to tell us about? Accounting-wise? Meredith: Gosh, I don't think so. Oscar: We're trying to find out who stole money from the company. Angela: It's better to be embarrassed by the truth now, then to go to jail for it later. Kevin: Why don't we just ask her if she took the $3,000? Angela: Idiot. Now we don't have the element of surprise. It's impossible to trap her, and we won't be able to register the look on her face when we ask her if she stole $3,000. Meredith: You think I stole $3,000? Angela: Oh, we know you did... or someone else did. Oscar: Did you use any company money for anything? We're just trying to balance the books. Meredith: Please. If I stole $3,000, I wouldn't be here. I'd be on a beach in Jamaica drinking Red Stripe. Kevin: Oh, I love Red Stripe. Oscar: I do, too. That's Jamaican beer? Meredith: Yeah. We should go out and get a beer after work. Or, hey, you want to go right now? Oscar: It's 11:15. Meredith: Yeah. So, that's too early? Angela: You didn't take any money at all? You're sure? Meredith: Yes. I'm a single mom. I would never do anything to jeopardize my kid. Oscar: I thought you had two kids. Meredith: My ex-husband took Wendy, the good one. Oscar: Okay. Thanks for your time. Meredith: Sure. Kevin: Thanks, Meredith. Meredith: You guys want to get that beer? [ The Accountants, Webisode 04 - "Stanley" ] Stanley: Somebody stole some money. That is fantastic. How much did they get? Kevin: $3,000. Kevin: We're in the process of interviewing everyone in the office. I think it's kind of fun. It's a great chance to catch up with people. Oscar: I'm sure it's not you, but we have to ask. Stanley: I hope they bought something nice, and I hope you never catch them. Angela: We'd appreciate your cooperation if you find out who did it. Stanley: I'll tell you what, if I find out who did it, I will shake their hand, pat them on the back, give them 72 hours to get out of the country, and then I'll let you know who it is. Is there anything else? Oscar: No. Okay. Thanks for your help. Stanley: Thank you. Kevin: I don't think it was him. Angela: Really, genius? Kevin: Angela thinks it's an insult when she calls me a genius, all sarcastic and whatnot, but technically, guess what? I am a genius. When I was a kid, I took an IQ test and I scored over 100. So, joke is on you, Angela. Angela: [sighs] All right. Who should we ask next? Kevin: I don't know. Oscar: You know, my mom picks the worst times to visit. Kevin: Why? What's going on? Oscar: Well, my mom's in town, but a bunch of my friends are in town, too, and we were going to go watch The Prince of Tides. Kevin: Why? Oscar: Well, we don't like it. We make fun of it. It's like a Rocky Horror Picture thing we do. Kevin: All right. Oscar: But, my mom's in town, so I can't go. Angela: Can we focus, please? Kevin: I've never seen it. Oscar: Kevin, it's really bad. [ The Accountants, Webisode 05 - "Someone in the Warehouse" ] Oscar: I really don't think it was anyone in the office. Angela: It had to have been someone. Angela: Yeah, I do think it's someone in this office, which really breaks my heart, to tell you the truth. Because I thought we were all good people here. Oscar: Maybe it was someone in the warehouse. Kevin: Who? Oscar: Maybe it was Roy. He's getting married. He can use the money. Angela: Roy wouldn't do it. Kevin: How do you know? Angela: He wouldn't do it. He has too much character. Kevin: You have a crush on Roy. Angela: I do not. That is inaprobable... inappropriate. Kevin: You have a crush on Roy. Unbelievable. Angela: Stop it! Stop it right now! Kevin: Does he excite you? Does he get your blood flowing? [Oscar growls] Angela: Kevin... Kevin: Does he get your... [Oscar growls] Angela: Kevin, you guys don't know anything. Kevin: [singing] Roy and Angela sitting in a tree K-I-S Angela: Kevin, cut it out! Oscar: We don't think it was you. Kevin: No. Oscar: But we have to ask everybody if you used any money to buy anything and forgot to report it, or... Roy: Well, I mean, how would I do that even if I wanted to? Kevin: You would have to take some from petty cash. Roy: Well, I don't even know where that is. Kevin: In Oscar's drawer. Roy: Isn't it locked? Kevin: Well, he keeps the key behind his computer... Oscar: Kevin, why are you giving him instructions on how to steal? Roy: Wait, hold on. I'd never do something like that. It's wrong. I don't steal things. Angela: Well, I'm satisfied. So, thank you very much for your time, Roy. Kevin: Oh, Roy, one more question. What do you think of Angela? Oscar: You don't have to answer that one. Kevin: But you can if you want to. Oscar: But you don't have to. [ The Accountants, Webisode 06 - "The Memo" ] Oscar: So, it isn't Phyllis, it isn't Stanley or Jim, it isn't Meredith, it isn't any of us. Angela: We don't know that. Kevin: Oh, come on. Kevin: I didn't steal $3,000 from petty cash. I am not stupid. If I wanted to steal from this company, there are a lot of easier ways to do it. For example, I could seal people's coats and sell them on eBay. Angela: It obviously isn't Dwight because he has the most integrity of anyone in the office. [both Oscar and Kevin glance over to the camera] What? Did you talk to Kelly? Oscar: Yes. She said she didn't do it, then 45 minutes later the conversation ended. Kevin: I talked to Creed, and he said he didn't do it. And then he tried to sell me dietary supplements. Oscar: Okay, enough of this investigation stuff. We just have to put a memo to the office and ask that someone come forward anonymously. Angela: Fine. I'll write it. Kevin: No, I wanna write it. Angela: No. Kevin: No. Angela, you never let me write accounting memos. Angela: Fine. I'll supervise. Kevin: Yeah. [Oscar bumps into Kevin as they leave the conference room] God. Angela: The date should be right-justified. [keys pounding] Right-justified, not left-justified. Do you know what "justified" means? Kevin: Yeah, as in "justifiable homicide." Angela: "To whom it may concern?" Really, Kevin? Really? Kevin: Fine, then you write it. Angela: Thank you, it's just easier this way. Kevin: I finished my own memo. [The memo reads: "Tuesday To Whom it May Concern: ANGELA STINKS. Kevin Malone, Accounting"] Angela stinks. I mean, I'm not handing it out or anything. And don't tell her I said it. It's just for me. In fact, forget that I said anything about it, ever. Oh, God. What have I done? [groans] [ The Accountants, Webisode 07 - "Things Are Getting Tense" ] Angela: We are missing $3,000. Things are getting tense. Oscar: Wait. Here, I found it! Here it is! $2,800 returned to petty cash. Angela, I forgot to sign in the money. Angela: Okay. Yeah. Oscar: It's got to be it. Kevin: Oops. Um, I took that and then I briefly lost it, but then the Pistons bat the Cavs, and so now I'm returning it all back. Go Pistons. But this is completely unrelated to the other $3,000. Angela: You gambled petty cash? Kevin: Yeah, but I won, didn't I? Angela: That's not the point. How are we supposed to believe you didn't take the other $3,000? Kevin: 'Cause I'm telling you that I didn't. Oscar: You have to admit, man, this looks a little suspicious. Kevin: Oh, suspicious. Well, how come Angela suddenly has a new necklace, all of a sudden? Angela: My friend gave it to me. Oscar: What friend? Angela: Diane... Chester... Snydburgh. Oscar: What? That's not even close to being a real person. Angela: Well, it's none of your business who gave it to me. But, I didn't steal any money. Kevin: You guys, this is stupid, that we're turning on each other. That is exactly what they want us to do. Oscar: Who? Kevin: The guys who stole the money. Angela: All right, you know, there's only one more thing to do. We have to investigate Michael. [ The Accountants, Webisode 08 - "You're Mean" ] Kevin: He is still in there. Angela: Yeah, we know. Oscar: Basically, we're convinced that Michael took the missing $3,000, so we're waiting until he leaves his office so we can go in and search for evidence. When I say it out loud, it really doesn't seem like a good idea. Oscar: He said he was leaving right at 5:00. Kevin: What time is it now? Angela: You don't have a watch? Kevin: It's slow. Angela: You can't look at the clock up there? Kevin: Well, you can't just tell me what time it is? Angela: I think people should be self-sufficient. Kevin: I think you're mean. Oscar: Okay, guys, let's just wait for him to leave. Kevin: What are you doing tonight? Wanna get a beer? Oscar: I can't. I have errands to run. Kevin: What are you doing? Oscar: I'm going to the mall. I need a new wok. Just stuff like that. Kevin: What happened to your old wok? Oscar: Nothing. Nothing. I just want a new wok, there's a new one... Angela: You know, I'm not mean. I'm just demanding. I'm sorry if I was mean. Kevin: It's okay. Angela: Thank you. Oscar: That was uncomfortable. Oscar: Angela, Angela. Kevin: Shh, shh. Angela: Okay, let's go. Kevin: This is so much fun. Angela: It's not supposed to be fun. ...Again, sorry. Kevin: [imitating Animal House's Bluto] Get it? Oscar: What is it? Kevin: Animal House. You guys are breaking my spirit. [ The Accountants, Webisode 09 - "Michael's Office" ] Kevin: [in megaphone] Attention! There is a lot of junk in here! Over! Angela: Don't touch anything. You'll leave fingerprints. Oscar: You think he's gonna dust for fingerprints? Angela: [Kevin blwing train whistle] Stop that. Kevin: Awesome. Oscar: What are we even looking for? Angela: Receipts maybe. Any evidence he took the money. Or something worth $3,000. Kevin: Do you think this thing is worth $3,000? It's cool. Oscar: Check this out. "Michael Scott is the proud owner of a quality Seyko timepiece." You think he paid $3,000 for a knock-off of a $40 watch? Angela: I'm gonna go on his computer. Kevin: Okay, this drawer is locked. Oscar, do you have a key? Oscar: No, Kevin, I don't. If I were Michael, where would I hide a key to that drawer? In this drawer. One, two, three, six, nine. Count them. Nine snow globes with Dunder Mifflin logos on them and nothing else. Kevin: He has a snow-globe drawer. Oscar: And he keeps it locked. Kevin: I'd lock it, too. That is very embarrassing. Angela: Put it back, Kevin. It's not yours. Kevin: I like it. Oscar: Okay, just go to Quicken, 'cause I setup online checking for him. Angela: Okay, here we go. Last transaction was $23 to Jack's Joke and Magic Shop. Kevin: No. Oscar: Go to the beginning of the month. Angela: Last eight transactions are to Jack's Joke and Magic Shop. [sighs] Kevin: But what are you doing? Angela: Paying his electric bill. Kevin: I do not think you should do that. Angela: Well, it's about to be shut off. Oscar: Okay. This is pointless. Someone just has to talk to him. Kevin and Oscar: [in unison] Not it. Angela: Hey, wait. [train whistle blwing] Not it. [ The Accountants, Webisode 10 - "The Best Day of My Life" ] Dwight: You're saying Michael stole money from his own company? Angela: Well, we've asked everyone else. Dwight: No! No, that's insane. It has to be somebody else. Like Meredith. Or Creed. No. Meredith, definitely. Angela: We asked her. She said she didn't do it. Dwight: Which is exactly what you'd say if you did do it. Oh, man! I should've been handling this investigation from the beginning. Angela: I believe she didn't do it. Are you doubting me? Dwight: No. Kevin: And here. Oscar: Oh, my God. Dwight: There has to be a better explanation. Angela: How did he afford that new waterbed he's always bragging about? Dwight: He charged it. Discover. Made a little cash back on the deal. Smart. If he were a general in the Army, and you accused him without proof, you would be court-martialed in front of a fring squad. Angela: That's not true. Dwight: Okay, watch "A Few Good Men" and tell me that that's not true. I own it on DVD if you wanna come by later. "You can't handle the truth." Just kidding, you can. Angela: Well, Dwight says that Michael didn't take it, but frankly, I think he's hiding something. [clears throat] What? Oscar: We, uh... We found it. Angela: You did? Where? Oscar: In your books. Angela: Excuse me? Oscar: You accidentally logged this equipment depreciation twice. Angela: Well, that doesn't sound like me. Oscar: Did you let someone else have access to your books? Angela: Absolutely not. Oscar: Then... Angela: Oh... Kevin: Yeah. Oh. Angela: Very well. Case closed. Oscar: Very well. Very well. Kevin: Very well. Oscar: Very well. [Kevin and Oscar pound their fists together in triumph] Kevin: This is the best day of my life.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x00 - The Accountants Webisodes 1-10"}	foreverdreaming
Ryan: Yeah, I'm not a temp anymore. I got Jim's uh, old job. Which means at my 10 year high school reunion it will not say "Ryan Howard is a temp." It will say "Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a mid-range paper supply firm. ...that'll show 'em. Jim: [after "the kiss"] You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. Pam: Me too. ...I think we're just drunk. Jim: No I'm not drunk. Are you drunk? Pam: No... [Jim leans in for another kiss] Jim--- Jim: Are you really gonna marry him? [Pam nods] ...Ok. Dwight: [sobbing] Jim is gone. He's gone. I miss him so much. Ooooh I cry myself to sleep, Jim! [serious] False. I do not miss him. Michael: No! That is the fun of this place. I call everybody "f@ggie". Why would anybody find that offensive? Toby: OK I think Oscar would just like if you used "lame" or something like that. Michael: That's what f@ggie means! Toby: No not really... Toby: Apparently you called Oscar "f@ggie" for liking the movie Shakespeare in Love more than an action movie. Michael: It wasn't just an action movie, it was de Hard! Toby: All right Michael, but Oscar's really gay. Michael: Exactly! Toby: I mean for real. Michael: Yeah, I know. Toby: No, I mean he's attracted to other men. Michael: OK, a little too far, crossed the line. Toby: OK, I am telling you, Oscar is an actual hm. Yeah, he told me this morning. And, obviously he hopes he can count on your discretion. Michael: I would have never called him that if I knew. You don't... You don't call retrded people "retrds". It's bad taste. You call your friends "retrds" when they're acting retrded. And I consider Oscar a friend. Michael: Listen man, I am so sorry. I had no idea. Oscar: No, it's fine. Michael: No. No it's not. I feel terrible about it. I have been calling people "fggie" since I was in junior high, and I have never made this mistake. If I don't know how to behave, it is because I am just so far the opposite way, you know? I'm just... I, I can't even imagine... the... thing. Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime. And you could tell me... how... you do that to another dude. Oscar: That sounds like a great, wonderful idea, let's do that. Angela: [in reference to Oscar being gay] It explains so much. Oscar: No, I'm not gay. And I don't understand why anyone would think, that I'm gay... if... [sighs] Uh... yeah I'm gay. Jim: I can't say whether Dunder Mifflin paper is less flammable, sir, but I can assure that it is certainly not more flammable. Jim: Why did I transfer to Stamford? I think that's pretty obvious. I got promoted! And you can't bat that view... right? Andy: Hey, Big Tuna! You're single right? Jim: Uh-huh, yeah. I am. Andy: She's pretty hot huh? [Jim nods] She's completely crazy. Steer clear Big Tuna. Head for open waters. Jim: OooOK. Andy: OooOK. Jim: I ate a tuna sandwich, on my first day. So, Andy started calling me Big Tuna. ...I don't think any of them actually know my real name. Andy: Big Tuna is a super ambitious guy, you know? Cut your throat to get ahead kind of guy, but I mean I'm not thrat by him. I went to Cornell, you ever heard of it? [laughs] I graduated in four years. I never studed once. I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the acappella group, "Here Comes Treble." Josh: So, end of day we are going to have a little diversity policy refresher, because of some more problems at the Scranton branch. And I have a list of business startups I got from the chamber. Yes, I am going to need someone to cold call them. Jim: Oh, I can do that. Karen: Jim's nice enough. I dont... I don't know how well he's fitting in here. He's always looking at the camera like this. [makes classic "Jim"-camera face] What is that? Michael: Can you tell who's gay and who's not? Dwight: Of course. Michael: What about Oscar? Dwight: Absolutely not. Michael: Well, he is. Dwight: Well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so... Michael: [deep sigh] There could be others... I need to know. I don't want to offend anybody else. Dwight: You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive. Michael: Yeah, I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay. Michael: Hey, what about Angela? She's hard and severe. She could be a gay woman. Dwight: I really don't think so. Michael: I don't know, I can imagine her with another woman, can't you? Dwight: [creepy smile] Michael: Do some research. Find out if there's a way to tell by just looking at them. Dwight: Jim told me you could buy gay-dar online. Michael: That's ridiculous. Dwight: Yeah probably. He didn't tell the truth a lot. Michael: [sighs] Let's call him and get the website. Dwight: Definitely. Jim: What's gay-dar? Oh, oh, gay-dar, yes! No, uh, I think they have it at Sharper Image. Oh, you know what? I could check for you. No problem. [loudly fake typing] It's sold out! Yeah sorry about that, that's a bummer. Michael: Well, they're sold out. Dwight: Damn. [thinks] I'll try Brookstone. Jim: I miss that. Roy: Chicken or fish? Pam: [loud sigh] Chicken. Roy: So you havin' a good day? Pam: Excellent, thanks. Roy: Good, glad. OK. Pam: Yeah, I didn't go through with the wedding. I got cold feet, a few days before. And I can't really explain it. I just had to get out of that relationship. We still had to pay for all the food. So we froze it. But I'm, I'm doing well. I have my own apartment. I'm taking art classes. And I have lunch for the next five weeks. Roy: After Pam dumped me, I um, I kinda stopped taking care of myself there, and uh, I ht bottom when uh, drunk driving arrest. I've been working out and um, you know, I'm not gonna take her for granted. I gotta win her back. Stanley: I got them a toaster. They called off the wedding and gave the toaster back to me. I tried to return the toaster to the store, and they said they no longer sold that kind of toaster. So now my house has got two toasters. Kelly: That is so cool that you're gay. I totally underestimated you. Oscar: Yes I'm super cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper supply company, Scranton. Much like, um, sir Ian McClellan. Angela: Sure, sometimes I watch Will and Grace... and I want to throw up. It's terribly loud. I do like it sometimes when Harry Connick Jr. is on. He's so talented. Andy: OK. Who put my calculator in Jello? Good one. But uh, seriously, guys who did this? Seriously guys, who did this? I need to know who put my calculator in Jello, or I'm gonna lose MY FRICKIN' MIND! Jan: You know, it's amazing to me that in this day and age, you could be so obtuse about sexual orientation. Michael: I watch the L Word. I watch, qeer as F*, so... Jan: That's not what it's called. Toby: OK, Michael, are you aware that you ousted Oscar today? Michael: What? What does that even... Jan: Coming out, is a significant moment for a gay person, and they should be allowed to select the timing and manner of announcing it. Michael: Well, gay pride, right? Gay pride parade? It's not like gay... shame festival. Toby: All right, now Oscar's feeling discriminated against by his co-workers, primarily Angela, and um, that's your fault. Michael: I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about? Jan: NO! Michael: I don't kn-- Jan: No, it's not possible. Michael: Anything's possible. Jan: You know, imagine... you were gay. Michael: [laughs] Well, I'm not gay Jan, and you should know that better than anybody! Jan: Michael, your immaturity is extremely disappointing and may even lead to a lawsuit which is the absolute last thing this company needs right now. Do you understand? Michael: The company has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays. Oscar: Am I the first gay man you ever knew? Michael: Trick question! Cause you can't always tell, so... how would I know. Is that the right answer? Pam: Michael, Dwight's looking at gay prn on his computer. Dwight: Uh, Michael knows Pam. He asked me to do this just for him. He has his own reasons. Michael: [looking at gay prn] Nothing wrong with this stuff. At all. This is fine. You know what. Gay prn, straight prn, it's all goooooood! I don't particularly get into this. But uh, you know what. I totally see the merit! And actually... it is quite beautiful. Dwight: Ah damn pop-ups. Oscar: What are you doing?! Angela: Watching some of your friends. Michael: [yelling] All right, everybody in the conference room! I don't care if you are gay, or straight, or a lesbian, or overweight! JUST GET IN HERE! RIGHT NOW! Michael: Did you know that gay used to mean happy? When I was growing up it meant lame. And now it means a man, who makes love... to other men. Michael: We're all hm! hm. Gays aren't necessarily who you think they are, people. I mean anybody could be gay. Business-men. Like antique dealers, or hairdressers, or... accountants. Oscar, why don't you take this opportunity to officially come out, to everybody here. However you want to do it. Go ahead. Stand up. I'm doing this for you. Oscar: Yes I'm gay. And I didn't plan on sharing that part of my life with you today, so, whatever. Can I sit down now? Creed:[/b]: I'm not offended by hm*. In the sixties I made love to many many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain. And it was possible a man slipped in, and there would be no way of knowing. Michael: Who should be the judges and juries of our society? Angela: Judges and juries! Michael: Yes, that's a good point. She has a good point. Because gay marriage currently is not legal, under U.S. law. I bet a lot of straight men wish that applied to them. So they could go out there and have some torrid unabashed monkey sex as much as they could. You know? Sounds pretty good, right? Kevin:[/b]: That sounds great. Dwight: I think all the other office gays should identify themselves, or I will do it for them. Oscar: No one else in this office is gay. Dwight: What about Phyllis? She makes absolutely no attempt to be feminine! Phyllis: I'm getting married to Bob Vance. Michael: That's great. Congratulations Phyllis. That is great, and frankly kiiiiiiiind of amazing! [laughs] See? Everybody has a chance! Michael: But still, Phyllis, in college? Did you ever experiment with other women? A lot of women do! Phyllis: No, you knew me in high school. Course, we all thought you were gay in high school. Michael: [laughing] Right! [serious] And I take that as a compliment. Phyllis: Well with your ties and your matching socks and --- Michael: Well, I just like to look good OK, so --- Oscar: You sound pretty defensive Michael. Michael: No, I am just coming out myself. I am coming out hetero! Oscar: I think the problem with this office is that you are sending mixed signals about my being here. Michael: No no no. The only signal that I am sending is[/b]: Gay, good. Michael: Look, if I was gay, I would be the most flamboyant gay you have ever seen. I would be leading the parade covered in feathers, and just... I would be waving that rainbow flag. Oscar: I don't think I can work here any longer. This has been the worst, most backwards day of my life. Michael: You misunderstand-- OK. You know what, OK. I uh, I'm gonna put my money where my mouth is. You ready? I am going to embrace Oscar. You might want to watch this Angela, because you can't catch anything. Here we go. We are going to make a statement. You and I are going to make a statement together. Oscar is my friend --- Oscar: I would rather not. Michael: ...and I just don't care who sees it, doesn't bother me! Oscar: No, NO! I don't want to touch you, ever consider that? You're ignorant, and insulting, and small! Michael: All right, um... sorry. Oscar: Michael... I'm sorry. That was a good idea. Come on, come on. [Oscar and Michael hug] Michael: [sobbing] I'm sorry I called you f@ggie. You're not f@ggie. You're a a good guy. Dwight: Michael appears to be gay too. And yet he is my friend. I guess I do have a gay friend. Michael: [embracing Oscar]You know what, I'm going to raise the stakes. I want you to watch this. And I want you to burn this into your brains. Because this is an image that I want you people to remember for a long time to come. Whenever you come into the office I want you to think about this. [awkwardly kissing Oscar] I did it. See. I'm still here. We're all still here. [everyone claps] Michael: [Dwight gets up to kiss Oscar] Oh come on! Dwight! Come on, man! Michael: We are not in the playground anymore. There are new rules. We have to be mature. But we can't lose the spirit of child like wonder. What is love... anyway? Maybe it's supposed to break all the rules. Like me and Jan. Or Oscar... and some guy. Life is short. When two people find each other, what should stand in their way? Michael: I am glad that today spurred social change. That's part of my job as regional manager. But you know what? Even if it didn't, at least we put this matter to bed. ...that's what she said. Or he said. Michael: Oh, there's Gill. Oscar's roommate. I wonder if he knows? Oscar: I was going to quit. But Jan offered me a three month paid vacation and a company car. All I had to do was sign something saying I won't sue. Gill and I are going to Europe. Kids, sometimes it pays to be gay. Dwight: [reading the note with the gay-dar] "Hope this helps. -Jim" Nice! Oscar: [Dwight is running the gay-dar over Oscar's body] What are you doing?! Dwight: Shhh. Don't be scared. [gay-dar beeps over Oscar's belt buckle, Dwight smiles] It works. [gay-dar goes off next to Dwight's belt buckle] ...oh no.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x01 - Gay Witch Hunt"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: Pam? Pam: Yeah? Michael: Did you see Oprah yesterday? Pam: No, I didn't. Michael: I, uh... I am going to be a father. Pam: What was Oprah about? Michael: Angelina Jolie was on. And she adopted a baby from Asia, and she said that it changed her life. And that really inspired me. So, I want you to look into seeing how much a little Chinese baby would cost. Pam: That's a really big decision. Michael: I know. Pam: Maybe you should wait before you adopt. Michael: Well... Pam: Or not adopt. Michael: Just do it, okay? Pam: Roy's sister looked into it, and the application alone costs a thousand dollars. Michael: Um... find out if there's a cheaper, less expensive baby out there, okay? Pam: You know, she also said the waiting list is like eight months. Michael: Eight months? Pam: Yeah. Michael: I don't even know if I'll want a baby in eight months. Pam: You probably won't. Michael: You know what, Pam? If in ten years, I haven't had a baby, and you haven't had a baby... Pam: No, Michael. Michael: Twenty years. Pam: No, Michael. Michael: Thirty. Pam: Sure. Michael: It's a deal. Ryan: All right. Three pairs of pants. Three pairs of socks. Three packs of condoms. Michael: Yesh. Ryan: Uh, fun jeans. Michael: Right there. Ah. Angela: Sign. Michael: Per diem. Michael: Guess where I am going. I will give you a hint. It is a booze-fueled sex romp, where anything goes. You are correct, sir! I am headed to Philadelphia for the Annual Northeastern Mid-Market Office Supply Convention. And Jim Halpert is going to be coming, which will be fun. Poor little guy. He's been stuck working under Josh, the poor man's Michael Scott, as he is known around my condo. Dwight: Don't be mad, it is a business trip. Angela: But I don't understand. It's for managers. Dwight: Monkey, I am an A. R. M., Assistant Regional Manager. Angela: I know! It... I was just really hoping we could spend some time together. [A long silence.] Are you still there? Dwight: Yes, Monkey. Angela: Don't "Monkey" me! You can't wait to get out of here, A. R. M. Angela: In the Martin family, we like to say, "Looks like someone took the slow train from Philly." That's code for "check out the slut." What is... why are there flies in here? Kelly: Oh my God! Are you so excited for tonight? I am so excited. You guys are going to click, I can feel it. So what are you wearing? Pam: This. Kelly: You look so pretty. Pam: Thank you. Pam: Yes, I have a date. He's a cartoonist for the local paper, which is really neat, because I like to draw too. I'm kind of nervous. I haven't been on a first date in nine years... probably shouldn't broadcast that. Kelly: Well, remember, no matter how much you may want to, do not sleep with him on the first date. It gives him all the power. Michael: Sleep with who? Whom, whom... whom? Kelly: My neighbor Alan. They're going on a date tonight. Michael: Oh, wow! Oh my God, I have a great idea. You know what you should do to be hilarious? Wear your wedding dress. It would be a great icebreaker. Dwight: And your veil. Michael: Yeah, do it! Pam: I'll probably just wear this. Michael: Really? Okay. Well, word of advice[/b]: unbutton that top button. Let those things breathe. Any message you want me to relate to Jim? Pam: Um... Michael: Um. Okay, um. Dwight: Um. Michael: You got that? Dwight: I got it. Michael: Write it down. Dwight: I got it. Dwight: Um. Michael: Um. Dwight and Michael: [singing] Um, um, um... Creed: There's my girl. I noticed you handing out some shekels. How would one get on that train? Angela: That was for per diem, for Philadelphia. Meredith: That town smells like cheese steaks. Angela: That town is full of history! Creed: Andrea's the office bitch. You'll get used to her. [introducing himself] Creed. Dwight: Can I have my neck pillow back? Michael! Can I have my neck pillow back? Josh: Hey, Michael. Michael: Hey, Josh, how ya doing? Josh: Pretty good. Michael: Good to see you. There he is! There's the traitor! Traitor! Traitor! Come here, you. Come here! Yeah! The product... the progidal... my son returns. Michael: I was shocked when he told me he was transferring to Stamford. It's like the firemen. You don't leave your brothers behind, even if you find out that there is a better fre in Connecticut. Jim: It's really good to see you, man. Michael: Yeah! Wow, I didn't expect that. It's good to see you too! Dwight: Oh, hey, how's it going up there? Have you made any sales yet? Jim: Yeah, sold about forty thousand. Michael: Hey! Dwight: Shut up. That's impossible. Jim: No, it's not. I did. Yep. Dwight: Well, I did it too. Jim: You know, when I saw Dwight, I realized how stupid and petty all those pranks I pulled on him were. And then he spoke. I wonder how hard it would be to get a copy of his room key. Kevin: So did you hear? Toby: What? Kevin: Pam's back on the market again. Toby: Really? She's dating? Kevin: If I weren't engaged, I would so ht that. Dwight: So what kind of commissions you get up there? Jim: Oh, Dwight. I've missed you so much. Dwight: You're so immature! Josh: Listen, Michael, I heard you were a great salesman. Michael: Ah. Josh: And I just want to let you know that if our branch absorbs your branch, I'm going to look for a place for you at Stamford. Jan: Oh, hey! Dwight: Hey, Jan. Jan: We all checked in? Josh: Yes. Jan: Great, let's dump our stuff and meet back here in half an hour. Josh: Okay. Jan: Okay! Michael: Jan? Look, I think we need to set some ground rules. Jan: What are you talking about? Michael: The eight-hundred pound gorilla in the room. Carol. I'm still dating her, so nothing can happen between us at the convention. Jan: Step away from me, Michael. Michael: Thank you for being so brave with all of this. Thank you. Kelly: Alan's cartoon is so funny, right? Pam: Mm-hmm. Kelly: And they're, like, so smart. I don't even know what they mean half the time. Dwight: This party is going to be awesome. Michael: I know! That is specifically why I chose a room close to the elevator. More foot traffic. Dwight: Check it out. Michael: That is crooked on that side. Dwight: Wow. Michael: Hey hey! Jim: That is a lot of liquor. Michael: Yeah. Jim: And a dart board. Michael: Well, that's how we do it in Scranton. Or did you forget? There ain't no party like a Scranton party, 'cause a Scranton party don't stop. Josh: We should probably head on down and hook up with Jan. Michael: Hey, well, we have time! One for the road, gentlemen? Josh: A sht of MIDORI, perhaps. Jim: Oh, no, sorry, it's an inside joke. There's this bartender at Stamford who, uh... you know what? You'd just have to be there. Michael: Wish I was. I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday. Josh: Um, we should... Jim: Yeah. Michael: All right, see you guys down there. Change your mind, come back up. Dwight: I'll do a sht, Michael. Michael: Ugh, that would be gross. It's not even lunch yet. Michael: SWAG! Stuff we all get. I basically decorated my condo for free with all of my SWAG. Michael: Check it out. Hi, I'm Michael Scott, Dunder-Mifflin. Dwight: Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin. Jerome Bettis: All right. Dwight: I'm a huge fan. Jerome Bettis: Thanks. I appreciate it, guys. Michael: You know what? I'm having a huge blowout tonight, Room 308. Hope you can come. Jerome Bettis: All right, maybe. If I can. Michael: Well, cool! Okay, so... can I tell people you're gonna be there? Jerome Bettis: No, you cannot. Michael: So maybe. See ya. Dwight: Why do they call him The Bus? Michael: Because he's afraid to fly. Dwight: Smile! Michael: Do you remember me from last year? There's a party in my room, 308, can't miss it, right off the elevator. Tonight. Be there! Josh: All right, Jan just emailed me. She wants us to meet her up front. Michael: Yep. Yeah, she's up front. Dwight: You don't have email on your phone. Michael: I don't have to, I just know. Yes, hello? Dwight: No one just called you. Josh: All right. Jim: All right, nice meeting you, Ted. Take care. Ted: I'll see you soon. Josh: Yeah, stop by later. Michael: [into phone] See you in a bit. Bye-bye. [to Dwight] May I have a moment of your time please? Michael: I need you to do something for me. Dwight: Yes. Anything. Michael: I want you to dig up some dirt on Josh. Find out if there are any skeletons in his attic. Dwight: I'll talk to my buddy down at the station, stat. Toby: Hey, Pam. Pam: Hey! What's up? Toby: It's, uh... I was... might ask if you wanted... Pam: [answering phone] Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam. He's not in the office. Can I take a message? I will. You too. [hangs up] Sorry. What's up? Toby: Um, if, uh... um... I just completely forgot what I was going to say. It's so weird. Pam: Okay. Well, if you think of it, I'll be here. Toby: Okay. Dwight: So I called my buddy down at the station today. Had them run a background check on Josh Porter. See if there's any known aliases, et cetera. Michael: And? Dwight: He wasn't volunteering today. Michael: Business has been pretty crazy around the office. Jim: Oh yeah? Michael: Yeah. Moved Ryan over to your desk. Jim: Oh, tell him I say hi. Michael: I will call him later with that message. Jim: Hey, how is... Toby? Michael: Toby Flenderson is everything that is wrong with the paper industry. Is he why you left? Jim: Oh, no, it was... you know, a good opportunity for me, a promotion. I got a chance to... Michael: Opportunity, promotion, blah, blah. You know, Jim, those are just words. Have you taken into account other factors, vis-a-vis bosses? Is Josh funnier than I am? Does he even have a girlfriend? Because I have two, basically. Jim: Michael, it's really not a competition. Josh: Jim got us a great lead with a new rep from National Envelope. We can grab lunch with them tomorrow. Jan: Great! Michael: Hey, Jan, Jan? Don't worry, I have got the tip. Dwight: Whoa. Michael. Waiter: Wow, oh my God, thank you. Michael: You're welcome. Dwight: Was that your per diem? Michael: No, that was a different hundred dollar bill. Jan: What have you generated, Michael? Michael: I have generated a lot of interest in my party this evening. Jan: What party? Michael: The party I'm having tonight in 308. Obviously, you are invited. Jan: Michael, um... Jim and Josh are in meetings all day. And I am in and out of meetings. I can't stay on top of you 24/7. Phyllis: You should order the most expensive thing on the menu, so he knows you're worth it. Stanley: If you do that, you're going to have to put out. Phyllis: Oh, yeah. You'll have to put out. Angela: Is there a key for Jane Doe? Thank you. Michael: Any messages for 308? All right. Michael: Hey hey, fellers. Jim: Michael. Dwight: Hey, Michael. Michael: What's up? Josh: Well, Jim and I have a meeting with Uni-ball in about forty-five minutes, so we should probably go now. Michael: Hey, check this out. How about that? A little friendly competition. Stamford versus Scranton. Josh: I don't think so. Michael: Oh, Jim. Looks like you picked a bad time to defect, my friend. Josh: Fine! All right. Michael: Okay! Excellent. Oh... Dwight: Keep the wing flaps. Michael: Shut it. [answering phone] Hey, Pam, what's up? Yep, yech... no. Tell him I will give him general specifics tomorrow, okay? Yes. [to others] Say hi to Pam! Jim, Josh, and Dwight: Hi, Pam. Michael: Yes. That is Josh and Dwight and Jim. [to others] Pam says hi. [into phone] Have fun on your date! Very good, talk to you later. Bye. Michael: You first. Dwight: Come on. Nice try, Josh! Michael: Not. It h*t the rim. Okay, and... okay. Double or nothing. Josh: Or what? We didn't bet anything, Michael. Michael: Well, let's... Josh: Yeah, we should go. Michael: Come on! Josh: We gotta go. Michael: Come on! Josh: Uh... we'll do it later. Evan: Say, while I have you here, could I talk to you about some new and exciting advances to our product line? Michael: Fine. Michael: Jim and I have different definitions of friendship. I think it's talking and being friends, and Jim thinks it's moving to Connecticut and being best friends with Josh. Well, phooey on that. I, uh, I'm done. I am not going to be speaking with him anymore. Whatevs. Long-distance relationships never work. Evan: That is so true. Ready? Michael: Okay, let me tell you what we're looking for. Evan: Great. Michael: Sorry, my meeting ran late. Jan: Really? Michael: Yes, Jan, really. With a rep from HammerMill. Josh: They're exclusive with Staples. Michael: Used to be. Evan will call you in the morning to work out the details. We can now sell HammerMill products. Dwight: Yes! Ha! Jan: Well, Michael, I underestimated you. Michael: Yeah, well, maybe next time you will estimate me. Jim: Dwight's room key. And... Dwight's room. What can I say? Old habits die hard. Angela: D? Jim: Oh my God. Dwight got a hooker! Oh my God, I gotta call... well, I gotta call somebody, I don't even know who to call. Dwight got a hooker! Kelly: So, Alan, Pam is obsessed with your cartoons. She reads them every day. Alan: Oh, great. Ryan: I don't want ketchup. Kelly: You love ketchup! He loves ketchup. Pam: So how do you come up with your cartoons? Alan: Well, I just, uh... I kinda think about stuff that I see, or dream them. Pam: You dream in cartoons? How fun! Michael: Hey, first guest! You are going to have some tequila, my friend. Guy: I thought there was a party in here. Michael: This is the party. Guy: This is room 308? Michael: Party central! So, what can I do you for? [Guy leaves] All right. Alan: See, this one is great, because it can work on a couple of different levels. Pam: Huh. Alan: [French accent] Freedom fries for the table. Pam: Freedom fries. Yeah. Alan: Yeah. I mean, people always say, like, "Don't be edgy." But I don't know any other way. Yeah, you get it. Pam: Well, it was, uh, it was really nice meeting you, Alan. Alan: Yeah. Next time bring some of your illustrations, I'll let you pick my brain. Pam: More freedom fries. Alan: Yeah. Pam: That's great. Alan: Okay. Pam: I went on a date. It wasn't a love connection, um... I think when I like someone again, I'll just kinda know. Jim: Michael. Am I the first to arrive? Michael: People have been filtering in and out. Jim: Can I get a drink? Michael: What? Jim: Can I get a drink? Michael: Sure. You like Cosmos? Jim: Yeah. Michael: Sure, sounds good. So why are you here? Is Josh busy? Jim: Michael... Michael: I get it! No, no, I totally get it. He made a better paper airplane, Stamford is better in sales... I get it. We had some fun. We had some laughs. And that's just... Jim: Wait, wait. I didn't transfer because of you. You're a good boss. You're a great boss. Michael: I'm not better than Josh. Jim: Michael, it's not about... I transferred because of Pam. Michael: Oh my God. You don't even know. She's single now. Jim: No, I just... I heard something about that. It's just, I kind of put it all on the line. Twice, actually. And she said no. Twice. Michael: I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. Hey, you know what? I will talk to her. Jim: Nope, that's okay. Michael: Yeah. Jim: That's all right. Michael: I will. I'll talk to her. You should at least talk to Roy. I mean, he knows exactly how you're feeling. Jim: Yeah. Okay, maybe. Evan: Are we early? Michael: Hey! No, you know, people have been filtering in and out. Jim: Hey. Michael: Evan, this is Jim. Jim: How are you? Evan: Hey, uh... Arnie Reisman. Michael, Jim. Michael: Hey, Ernie, how ya doing? Evan: Do you guys work together? Jim: No, we used to. Now we're friends. Michael: Best friends. Michael: Some people need dozens of friends to say, "Hey, look at me, I'm popular." But not me. I'm very picky. I need three, maybe two. When you meet that someone special, you'll just know. Because a real relationship, it... it can't be forced. It should just come about effortlessly. Michael: Now, would you do the pleasure of hitting the lights, sir? [lights go out, leaving Michael's black light on] Ha, ha, ha. Dwight: Ha, ha, ha, ha. Michael: Whoa. What are those stains? Dwight: Blood, urine, or semen. Michael: Oh, God, I hope it's urine.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x02 - The Convention"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: [waiting on Pam to be done with the microwave] Ahhhhhhhhh. [whispering loudly] I'm hungry. Michael: Movie Monday! The only cure I know for the Monday blues is... Varsity Blues! Michael: Let's gooooo! Let's go, let's go, let's go! Dwight: [directing people to their assigned seats] Take a seat down there. Second from the end. Michael: Alright, everybody here? Yes. Pam: [walking in with a tray of six popcorn bags] Popcorn anyone? Michael: Yes pleeeeease! Thank yooouuu! Pam: [with five popcorn bags left] Anyone else? Nooo. Pam: Movie Monday started with training videos, but we went through those pretty fast. Then we watched a medical video. Since then, it's been half hour installments of various movies, with the exception of an episode of Entourage, which Michael made us watch six times. Michael: Entourage! Michael: Kevin, would you like to do the scenes from last week? Kevin: Yes! Dwight: Why him? Michael: Don't whine. Get the window. [Dwight exhales] Michael: Previously on Varsity Blues... Kevin: Ok. Billy-Bob, got a head injury, but coach made him play. So then Lance, he gets sacked, he's out for the year... Jan: [walking into an empty office because everyone is watching Varsity Blues] Hello? Dwight: Not everyone approves of Movie Monday. I won't say who. Angela: I don't approve. I don't. Jan: Hello? [Angela coughs and points to the conference room] Michael: [Jan walks in on Movie Monday] Hi Jan! Hope you brought the Milk Duds! Jan: How would a movie increase productivity Michael? How on earth would it do that? Michael: People work faster after... Jan: Magically? Michael: No... they have to... to make up for the time they lost watching the movie. Jan: No. Angela: [walking past Dwight's desk] Kitchen. Angela: Michael is going to get us all fired. You sat back and let him play that dumb movie, and now Jan is peeved off and we're all going to lose our jobs. Dwight: That's not going to happen. Angela: You know she has it out for him now. Dwight: That's not his fault! He had to follow his heart! Dwight: Ever since Michael dumped Jan for Carol, Jan's been bitching out on him. Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also weak arms. Angela: Dwight, you should be running this office. Dwight: Michael would never let me... Angela: It's not up to Michael, it's Jan's call. Talk to her. Dwight: I could never do that! Angela: Fine! Sit back and do nothing and let us all get fired! Angela: I know that patience and loyalty are good, and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair. Jim: At the Stamford branch, they all play this World wr II video game called Call of Duty, and they're all really into it. I'm told it started as a team building exercise. Unfortunately I really suck at it. We didn't play many video games in Scranton. Instead we'd do stuff like, uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high pitched note, and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And uh, Pam called it... Pretendenitus. Pam: [on the phone] Hey Kelly, my stuff just got here. [Kelly screams with excitement into the phone and Pam has to take it away from her ear] Pam: Kelly really likes to online shop. Soooo, I felt like I wanted some new clothes. I mean, I just, I wanted to, it just, I felt like it was time, to maybe um... just get new clothes. Pam: [pulling her new shirt out of a box] Ok. Kelly: [gasps] I love it! Pam: Really? I don't know. Kelly: You haven't even tried it on yet, try it on. Pam: Not at work, I'll try it on--- Kelly: Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! Pam: ...noooo Kelly: [clapping her hands in unison] Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! Andy: Why did you do that?! Jim: I'm just klling Germans, any way I can. Andy: We're on the German team. sh*t the Brittish. Jim: [turning around to Karen] Wait, are we playing teams? Karen: [laughing] Yeah. Dwight: [outside in the parking lot, pacing back and forth] WAH! GAH! [breathing heavily] Jan: [answering the phone] Hello? Dwight: Is this Jan? Jan: Who is this? Dwight: This is Dwight Schrute. I am calling about an extremely sensitive matter. Jan: You should talk to Michael, and he'll talk to me, and that way we don't have to speak to each other. Dwight: It's about Michael. Jan: What about him? Dwight: [exhales] I can't talk here. It's too sensitive. Jan: It's not about a surprise party is it? Dwight: No, but we should discuss that another time. Jan: Look, I am already an hour outside of Scranton, Dwight, I'm not coming back. Dwight: Pull over at exit 40. There is a Liz Claiborne outlet. I know you like that store. Go inside and shop, until I can meet you. Jan: How do you know I like that store? Dwight: Many of your blouses are Claiborne's. Jan: How do you know that? Dwight: Part of my job. Jan: No it's not. It's officially not. Dwight: ...noted. Dwight: [walking into Michael's office] I'm going... to the dentist. Michael: Ok. Dwight: I have to have an emergency crown put in. Michael: Ouchy. Dwight: Yes. It's a new dentist. He's far. I might be gone... three hours. Michael: Three hours, wow. Have fun. [Dwight walks away staring through the blinds at Michael] Dwight: Did you get anything good? Jan: Yeah. Dwight: New blouse? Halter top? Camisole? Teddy? Dwight: I can save the branch. Jan: Really? Dwight: If you let me run it. Jan: Ok. Dwight: [excitedly] "Ok" I can run it? Jan: What would you do differently? Dwight: Mostly get rid of waste. Which is half the people there. And clean house. [to waitress in diner] Right here. It's all for me. Thank you. Jan: Dwight, you must feel strongly, to speak with me this way, behind Michael's back, and turn on so many of your co-workers. Dwight: The decision to turn on Michael was difficult. [pouring way too much syrup on his food] But once I did it, I didn't look back. And mostly I feel that Michael would approve. It's really what's best for the branch. And I could care less about my co-workers. So [cutting his food, giving Jan a "so there" look], here we are. It's all, on the table. I want... the branch. And I await your decision. Dwight: [shoveling waffles into his mouth] Oh, by the way. There's a new Ann Taylor outlet store near here. I know you like their earrings. Jan: [thinks for a second] Where is it? Jan: [on speakerphone with Michael] Michael. Michael: Hi. Jan: I just had a very interesting conversation with one of your employees. Michael: Oh. That's nice. Jan: No, it wasn't. Dwight just told me that he thinks he can run the branch better than you. Michael: ...what? Jan: Mm-hmm. Michael: ...you were at the dentist? Jan: You can't have people undermining you. Get control of your branch immediately. Michael: Ok. Michael: What was Dwight thinking? That he could turn Jan against me? She's my ex-lover! ...ish. Phyllis: [Pam walks out of the bathroom wearing her new red shirt] Woooooow. Kelly: It's so sexy. You look so hot. Phyllis: It's really something. Pam: [smiling] It's too much. Kelly: What? Pam: I'm gonna return it. Kelly: No, you have to keep it today, just see how you feel. Roy: [walking into the break room] Hey. Pam: Hi. Roy: You look nice. Pam: Thanks. Kelly: Isn't that like your third soda today? Jim: Yeah I think we can be a big help to your company. [someone dims the lights, signifying that it's game time] Ok, see you next week. Bye. [to Karen] Again? Karen: Scared? Karen: [with her hands making the rocker sign] Call of Duty! Josh: [sounding upset] Andy, Jim, can I see you in the conference room for a minute? Andy: Now? Josh: Yes now. Andy: Put the game on hold everyone. Josh: This is not working, ok? We are getting slaughtered out there. Andy: It's the new guy. [looks at Jim] Jim: Oh, I'm sorry I don't know... what we're talking about... Andy: See what I mean? Josh: We just need a strategy, ok? We're going to set up a trap in the gn room. All right Jim, are you using the MP-40 or the 44? Jim: Um, snper rfle? Josh: SNIPE-- Andy: WHAT? Josh: JIM! Andy: Are you playing for the other team?! Josh: You don't snipe in Carrington, ok? Andy: Saboteur! Josh: Andy, it's not--- Andy: Saboteur! I'm going to kll you for real. This game--- the game is over. I'm really going to sht you. Michael: Hey Dwight. Dwight: Hey. Michael: Do you want an M&M? Dwight: No thanks I'm stuffed. Michael: No seriously. You should have an M&M, they're really good. Dwight: ...ok. [takes and eats several M&M's] Michael: They're good, huh? Dwight: ...so good. Michael: Hey. I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you've had a crown put in. Dwight: They have this new kind of quick drying bonding, so... Michael: Sounds like a good dentist. Dwight: Oh, yeah. Michael: What's his name? Dwight: [long pause] Crentist. Michael: Your dentist's name is Crentist. Dwight: Yep. Michael: Huh. Sounds a lot like dentist. Dwight: Maybe that's why he became a dentist. Michael: Let me see your teeth. Let me see 'em. Let me see 'em. Dwight: [reluctantly opens his mouth and Michael peers inside] Ahh. Aaaah. Michael: You should... floss. Dwight: I know... Michael: [exhales] Well then... I am glad you're ok. Michael: Business is like a jungle. And I... am like a tiger. And Dwight, is like a monkey, that sab the tiger in the back with a stick. Does the tiger fre the monkey? Does the tiger transfer the monkey to another branch? [smiling] Pun. There is no way of knowing what goes on inside the tiger's head. We don't have the technology. Michael: Dwight, can I talk to you for a second? Michael: [in Michael's office] Wow, this is tough. Dwight: What? Michael: Ohhhh. Arrrgggh! Dwight: What is it? Michael: Well, I just got off the phone with Jan. And um... she demoted me. Dwight: No. Michael: Yeah. You know what the craziest part of this is? She demoted me to your job! Dwight: Gahh! Michael: And she said that you should be expecting a call later from corporate, and that um, I guess that means that you are going to be acting manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. Dwight: I can't believe this news. That--- wow. Michael: I know. I told her I didn't know whether you'd wanna do it... because you've always been so loyal to me. You've been my most trusted ally. Dwight: You said that? Michael: Yep, I did. I did. But I think... you should do it. Dwight: Well... Gosh, if you think I should. Then I will. Michael: [exhales] Perfect, well, we're settled. Dwight: All right. Michael: All right. Well then, you are now acting manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton Branch, and I... am assistant regional manager. Dwight: Assistant to the regional manager. Thank you Michael, for staying on. I really appreciate it. Michael: Ohh.. Dwight: Hey... I can't imagine this place without you. Michael: [muttering] Can't you? That's so nice. Michael: Well... I guess we should go tell the troops. Dwight: Yeah, when I'm ready, Mike. [Dwight exhales, Michael looks at the camera] Ok let's do it. Michael: Hey, hi, hello. Everybody, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. I... am being replaced, as your leader, by Dwight. Phyllis: You're kidding... Michael: You might think that I am kidding, and I understand that. Angela: Congratulations Dwight. Dwight: Thank you Angela. Stanley: But... why Dwight? Michael: Because, Dwight... never lies. Stanley: How does that qualify him to run a branch? Michael: Because that's all it takes. Michael: Ok, Dwight, would you like to say a few words to everybody... about loyalty? Dwight: Thank you Michael. I just want to say, to the few of you who will remain under my employ, that I intend to lead you into the black! With ferocity! Phyllis: Michael, what will you do? Michael: Oh, I'll be fine. Kevin: Do you have any savings? Michael: No, no, I don't, but--- Kevin: Michael, you might lose your condo. Michael: I... won't. I won't. Pam: I have this little vacuum cleaner that's broken. If Dwight doesn't work out, maybe that could be manager. Phyllis: Maybe I'll quit. Angela: It's really happening! Dwight: Yes. Angela: We can make a difference here. Dwight: I, will, make a difference here. Angela: You alone? Because I thought together we could--- Dwight: Oh please, don't be naive. But you can be in charge of the women. Karen: [whispering] Look how cute he is! He's trying to sht with a smoke grenade. Jim: I'm sorry what are you whispering about? Karen: I'm sorry nothing, just concentrate on turning around. Jim: I'm trying--- Karen: Just tap S then D. Jim: Oh. Karen: [her players gn is pointed directly at Jim's player's head] Any... last words? No? Jim: What? [Karen's player sh*t Jim's player, "You klled Jim Halpert" appears on the screen, Karen giggles] Jim: Wow. Psychopath. [Karen grins widely at Jim] Pam: What? Creed: I'm just looking. Pam: Please go back to your desk. Creed: In a minute. Pam: Well, I remember why I dress the way I do at work. But I'm gonna keep the clothes. I mean, it'll be cool to just have some after work clothes that aren't pajamas. Michael: Well, I guess it's time, that I turn over the keys, to the famous Sebring. Dwight: [smiling] No thank you. Michael: It's a corporate lease Dwight, you've earned it. Dwight: No thanks. Michael: What? Dwight: Not my style. Michael: But you said you liked it. You've always admired it. Dwight: Well that was before. I'm thinking about getting something German, something with decent gas mileage. Plus, that convertible, it's a ridiculous choice for this climate. Michael: [Michael finally breaks] Take it back. Dwight: [confused] No. Michael: That's my car. Dwight: What did you--- Michael: THAT'S MY CAR. Dwight: Yes. Michael: I know, Dwight. I know. I know. I know. Dwight: You know what? Michael: Jan called me about your little meeting! Dwight: No! Michael: I know, what you did. I made the whole thing up, Dwight. Dwight: I think the Sebring's cool. It's cool. The Seabring's cool. It has a cassette and it has a CD. Michael: Oh do you? Do you like the Sebring--- HOW DARE YOU?! How dare you, Dwight? Dwight: [Dwight gets on his knees and puts his face down on the ground] Don't fre me. Please. Michael: Give me one good reason why I should fre you RIGHT HERE ON THE SPOT?! Dwight: [terrified] I HAVE EXCELLENT SALES NUMBERS! Michael: Not. Good. Enough! Dwight: [sobbing] I'll do anything! Anything! I'll do your laundry for a month! For a year! Michael: I have a laundry machine! Dwight: I'm sorry! I'll do anything, I swear. [squeaking, crying] Michael: I don't know if I can trust you anymore. Dwight: You can't. You can't. But I promise I'll never betray you again. What can I do, Michael. What can I do? [Michael exhales] What can I do? [Dwight has his face to the ground but his butt raised high in the air] What can I do? What can I do? Michael: You can get up. Get up. [Dwight gets up with spit hanging from his lips] And you can hug it out, bitch. [Dwight and Michael have a firm embrace] Michael: Hug it out, bitch. That is what men say to each other, after a fight. They hug it out, and doing so, the just... let it go. And walk away. And they're done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman however. I have found. It doesn't translate. Jim: [leaving his desk for the day, pretends pull the pen out of a pretend grenade, and tosses it to Karen] Karen: [throws some desk material in the air to signify debris from the grenade explsin, grins as Jim walks away] Michael: Yep. Yeah, we hugged it out. But, it turns out, I was still a little angry. So, I felt I needed to punish him, just a little bit more, [cut to Dwight standing on a box with "LIAR" written on a piece of paper hung around his neck, Dwight's head hung in shame] and I'm making him do my laundry for a year.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x03 - The Coup"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: Hey Ryan, can I get you a pencil from the warehouse? Ryan: Uh, no thanks, I'm good. Michael: Oh, it's okay, I'm going down. Ryan: Um... Yeah, absolutely. Michael: All right, I'll be right back. [goes down pretend stairs] Dwight: [laughs uproariously and applauds] Whoo! Michael: [hands Ryan pencil] There you go. Dwight: Awesome! Ryan: Thank you. Michael: You're welcome. Dwight: Michael, can you get me a pen from down in the warehouse? Michael: Don't mind if I do. See you in a minute. [goes back down pretend stairs and grabs pen from Stanley's desk] Dwight: Okay. [continues to laugh] Whoo! Michael: There you go, fresh from the warehouse. Pam: Hey Michael, would you get me some coffee from the warehouse? Michael: There's coffee in the kitchen, Pam. Pam: But the warehouse coffee tastes SO much better. Ryan and others: Yeah. Yes, it's better. It's great. Michael: [breathless] All right. Okay. [goes back down pretend stairs, crawls on belly to the kitchen for the coffee] Michael: I am like Bette Midler in For the Boys. Gotta keep the troops entertained. Pam: [after Michael returns with coffee] With cream and sugar? Michael: [sighs] All right. Jan: [on speakerphone] So, I wanted to let you know that we lost Ed Truck. Michael: Oookay. Let me see if I have his cell. Is this the only reason you are calling, Jan? Or does somebody miss me? Jan: Michael, Ed died over the weekend. Michael: Oh, wow. Michael: Attention, everybody. I just received a call from corporate with some news they felt that I should know first. My old boss Ed Truck has died. Kelly: Oh, Michael, that's such terrible news! You must feel so sad. Michael: Yes, I am. It's very sad. Because he was my boss. Phyllis: That's a shame. Ed was a good guy. Michael: That's right, you worked with him. So did Creed. Well, I'll be in my office in case anybody wants to drop by. Cheer me up. Michael: So did you hear the news? Pam: The news that you just announced? That Ed died? Michael: Yeah. Pam: Is there anything I can do? Michael: Oh, gosh, what can anybody do, really? It's... pssssh... . He was almost 70. Circle of life. Pam: Yeah. Michael: [holds out arms to Pam] Pam: Oh. Okay. Michael: Yeah. Mmmmmm. Pam: [extricating herself] Okay. Josh: What's going on with Fairfield County schools? Karen, did you generate that price list? Karen: Um, sh*t. Uh, I will. Sorry. Josh: Okay, just get it done. Jim, will you make sure? Jim: Oh yeah, definitely. Andy: [coughing out his words] Suck up! Josh, did you hear what I said? Josh: Thank you, everyone. Karen: [at vending machine] Dammit. Jim: What's up? Karen: Uh, nothing. They're just out of Herr's chips. Jim: Oh. Karen: But don't worry about it. My snack food doesn't fall under the umbrella of your authority. Jim: Mmm, that's where you're wrong. I'm your project supervisor today, and I have just decided that we're not doing anything until you get the chips that you require. So, I think we should go get some. Now, please. Creed: It's a real shame about Ed, huh? Michael: Yeah. Must really have you thinkin'. Creed: About what? Michael: The older you get, the bigger the chance is you're gonna die. You knew that. Creed: Ed was decapitated. Michael: What? Dwight: Really? Creed: He was drunk as a skunk, he was flying down Route 6. He slides under an 18 wheeler. Pop. It snaps right off. Michael: Oh my God. Dwight: That is the way to go. Instant death. Very smart. Creed: You know a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated. Dwight: You're thinking of a chicken. Creed: What did I say? Michael: That is just not the way a Dunder Mifflin manager should go, I'm sorry. Alone, out of the blue, and not even have his own head to comfort him. Michael: [clears throat] So, I'm not exactly sure how to say this... Dwight: Ed was decapitated. Michael: What are you doing? Dwight: You said you didn't know how to say it. Michael: I didn't... he was driving on the road and he went under a truck. And that's when his head was separated from the rest of him. And I will let you know more as soon as I find out. Dwight: Hey. Angela: Hi. Dwight: If my head ever comes off, I would like you to put it on ice. Angela: I do not wanna talk about this. Dwight: When I die, I wanna be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died and what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in. Michael: I don't understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn't even work here. Jan: [on speakerphone] I understand how you feel, Michael. I really do. So, would it be helpful to give everyone the day off? Michael: You really don't get it, do you? You don't understand these people. That is the last thing that they would want is a day off. Jan: Well, what would you suggest? Michael: [thoughtfully] A statue. Jan: Of Ed? Michael: Yeah. Jan: [scoffs] I'm not sure that's realistic. Michael: Well, I think it would be very realistic, it would look just like him. Jan: No, that's not--- Michael: We could have his eyes light up, we could have his arms move... Dwight: That is not a statue, that is a robot. Michael: I think that is a great way to honor Ed. Dwight: And how big do you want this robot? Michael: Life-size. Dwight: Mm, no. Better make it two-thirds. Easier to stop if it turns on us. Jan: What the hell are you two talking about? Michael: Well, we are talking about how to properly honor a man who gave his life as regional manager of this company, Jan. Jan: You know what, Michael? I've really tried with you today... Michael: Mm hm. Jan: ...and I have to get back to work. Michael: Oh do you? You know who wished they could get back to work is Ed Truck. Jan: So call me when you feel like having a real conversation. Michael: But Ed truck can't because he is--- Jan: Goodbye. [hangs up] Michael: dad. Dwight: Look [holding up sketch] I gave him a six foot extension cord so he can't chase us. Michael: That's perfect. Jim: Okay, that is a "no" on the on the West Side Market. Karen: Okay, great. I think that's enough. Can I get back to work now? Jim: Wow. Never pegged you for a quitter. Karen: I am NOT a quitter. I will do this all day if you want. Jim: Really? Karen: Yeah, all day. Andy: Hey. What are we doing? What's the game? I want in. Jim: Oh, there's no game. We're just trying to get these chips for Karen. Andy: Did you check the vending machine? Karen: Oh, the vending machines! How did we miss that? Jim: I have no idea. We went right for the copier. Karen: Mm. Jim: And then we checked the fax machine. Karen: Yeah, nothing there. Andy: Did you check your... butt? Michael: Oohh... can you imagine how much blood there was? If it happened right here, it would reach all the way to reception. Probably get on Pam. Phyllis: Okay that's enough. Michael: What? Stanley: We do not wanna hear about this. Michael: Well, you know what? I didn't wanna hear about it either, Stanley, but I did and now I can't stop picturing it. He leaves work, he's on his way home... wham! His cappa is detated from his head! Stanley: You have just spit on my face. Michael: Well, you know what? There's something wrong with you. There is something wrong with everybody in here. Because we have lost a member of our family and you don't wanna talk about it, you don't wanna think about it, you just wanna get back to work! Michael: There are five stages to grief, which are [glancing at computer screen] denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And right now, out there, they're all denying the fact that they're sad. And that's hard. And it's making them all angry. And it is my job to try to get them all the way through to acceptance. And if not acceptance, then just depression. If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job. Michael: I am going to throw you this ball. When you catch the ball, I want you to say the name of a person very important to you, somebody really special who died, and then I want you to say how they died, and you may cry if you like, that is encouraged. Let me just start. Let me show you how this works. I catch the ball. I lost Ed Truck. And... it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears... and at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer... and then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone... and I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I am terribly, terribly... terribly alone. Roy: Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, uh, I need to see Pam. There seems to be, like, something wrong with the radiator in her car. Michael: Okay, fine. Hurry back. Roy: [as they leave] There's nothing wrong with your car. I just thought you might like a break from the "grief counseling" session. Pam: Oh. I would like a break. Roy: How are you likin' the new car? Pam: Great. Roy: Yeah? Sure is small. Got airbags? Pam: I think so. I don't know, I was mainly focused on the cup holders. Roy: [laughs] Well, you're not still driving so fast, are you? Yeah. Jim: [on phone] Hi, yeah. This is Mike from the West Side Market. Well, we get a shipment of Herr's salt and vinegar chips, and we ordered that about three weeks ago and haven't ... . yeah. You have 'em in the warehouse. Great. What is my store number... six. Wait, no. I'll call you back. [quickly hangs up] Shut up [to Karen]. Karen: [laughing] Six? Michael: [as Pam returns to conference room] Okay, we can start. Um... Pam: You waited for me? Michael: Yeah. Pam, you're a member of this family. So we will wait for our family members. Phyllis, you wanna give it a sht? Dwight: [grabbing ball] I got it. When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered, that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby. Michael: Okay, why don't you throw the ball to somebody else. Stanley: [throwing ball back] Nope. Michael: [returning ball to Stanley] Oh, yes Stanley. Come on. Your turn, you have to go. Stanley: I will NOT. [throws ball back] Michael: Okay... I'm going to toss the ball to Pam. Pam: Let's see. I had an aunt that I was really close to. She was this amazing female boxer. Um, anyway, she was injured in a fight, and she was paralyzed. So, you can imagine how upset I was when I found out that she asked her manager to remove her breathing tube so she could die. Michael: Wow. If you wanna cry, that's okay. Ryan: [catching ball] Thanks. Um, a few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and, um, my cousin, Mufasa was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests and, um, we all... took it really hard. All of us kind of in the audience of what happened. Michael: Do you want to talk about it anymore? Ryan: Oh, it would probably take me like an hour and a half to tell that whole story. Kevin: Me, me, me, me, me me. [catches ball] Yes. Okay, um. I was trying to throw this party once. And everyone was over for the weekend. And then my uncle Bernie died, and so me and my best friend, we had to pretend like he was alive, so... Michael: Wait a second. That's Weekend at Bernie's. [upset] Do you think that this is a game? Phyllis: Well, there is a ball. Michael: All right, we're starting over. Stanley: No, I'm done. Michael: You are not leaving. No! We are not done. Angela: We really have a lot of work to do right now. Michael: Yeah. Well, you know what? The guy who had my job has died. And nobody cares! And he sat at my desk. [breaking down] Toby: Michael, look. I know this is hard for you, but death's just a part of life. I mean, just this morning I saw a little bird fly into the glass doors downstairs and die. And I had to keep going. Michael: How do you know? Toby: What? Michael: That that bird was dad? Did you check its breathing? Toby: It was obvious... Michael: Was its heart beating, Toby? Did you check it? No, of course you didn't. You're not a veterinarian. You don't know ANYTHING! [runs out of conference room crying] Dwight: Michael! [following Michael downstairs] Michael. Michael ... Michael: [seeing bird] Oh, God! Dwight: [in disgust] Oh... Michael: Oh my God! Oh my God, come on ... Dwight: Poor little fella. Michael: Oh shhhh--oot! Dwight: He is a goner. Michael: No, he's not. Dwight: Yeah. Michael: No, he's not. [cradling bird next to face] Dwight: Michael, get him away from your head! He is covered in germs and bacteria! Michael: Well, you can't get diseases from a bird! Angela: A dad bird should not be in the kitchen! Michael: We don't know if it's dad. Kelly: Ugh, no that thing is dad. Dwight: You want me to flush him? Michael: Attention everybody. This will only take a second of your time. Today at 4 p.m. we will be meeting in the parking lot to have a funeral service for this bird. Meredith: I have a lot of work to do. Michael: Well, I'm sorry to inconvenience you, Meredith. But that is what you do when things die. You honor them. Toby klled this bird. And now we are going to honor it. Angela: But... Michael: No, no, no! That's enough! You know what? This bird is d*ad. He died alone. The least you can do is be there for him now. [to Dwight] Find a box for him. Karen: I'm calling a supermarket in Montreal. Jim: Nice! Karen: [on phone] Bonjour. Je cherche des tchips de la marque Herr's. Non? Ah... merci quand meme. Au revoir. Jim: Sounded good. Karen: Thanks. Kelly: [crying] Michael: It's okay. It's okay. [pats Kelly on shoulder] Shh... yes, I know, I know. It's been a tough day, but it's good to let it show. Kelly: I mean, how many times to I have to confirm with Ryan [Michael walks away disgusted] for him to know that we have a date tonight? Dwight: [trying to shove bird into a can] Argh... gah! Michael: What are... What are you doing? Dwight: What? No, this is about the right size. Michael: No, God, no it's not! What is the matter with you? Is that the beak!? Dwight: I'm sorry, I grew up on a farm. We slaughtered a pig whenever we wanted bacon. My grandfather was reburied in an old oil drum. [pause] It would have fit if he had given me another minute. Dwight: I need a box. I need a box. A small box... not too confining. Pam: Is it for the bird? Dwight: Yeah. Pam: I have it covered. [hands Dwight a decorated box] Dwight: Oh, thank you. Pam: If you wanna do something for the funeral... Dwight: Yes, please. Pam: Maybe you could play a song on your recorder. Dwight: Excellent. Pam: Do you have it with you? Dwight: Always. [runs off] Pam: Did I wake up this morning thinking I'd be throwing together a bird funeral? You never can tell what your day here is gonna turn into. Karen: [spotting Herr's chips on her desk] Where'd you find them? Jim: Where'd I find what? Jim: I called the manufacturer, who referred me to distributor, who referred me to the vending machine company, who told me that they sell them in the machines in the building next door. Michael: Glad you could all make it. Kelly: You told us we had to. Michael: Dwight, do you have the box? Pam: Actually, I have it. Michael: You made this? Wow. [impressed] That's... that's very nice. Ryan: When I was five my mom told me that my fish went to the hospital in the toilet and it never came back so we had a funeral for it. And I remember thinking "I'm a little too old for this." And I was five. Pam: I'd also like to say a few words if that's okay. Michael: Yes. Pam: What do we know about this bird? You might think, "Not much. It's just a bird." But we do know some things. We know it was a local bird. Maybe it's that same bird that surprised Oscar that one morning with a special present from above. Kevin: Oh, I remember that. That was SO funny. Pam: And we know how he died. Flying into the glass doors. But you know what? I don't think he was being stupid. I think he just really, really wanted to come inside our building to spread his cheer and lift our spirits with a song. Dwight: He's not a songbird. Michael: Shhh. Pam: An impression, then. Lastly, we can't help but notice that he was by himself when he died, but of course, we all know that doesn't mean he was alone. Because I'm sure that there were lots of other birds out there who cared for him very much. He will not be forgotten. Angela: [quickly] Amen. Dwight: [begins playing recorder] Pam: [singing] Just smile for me and let the day begin. You are the sunshine that lights my heart within... on the wings of love ... Michael: Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There is such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown. Dwight: Let's get back to work.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x04 - Grief Counseling"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: Brain teaser. I have two coins totaling 15 cents and one of them is not a nickel. What are they? Ryan: A dime and a nickel. Dwight: No, I said one of them is not a nickel. Ryan: But the other one is. I've heard that before. Dwight: Ok. A man and his son get into a car accident. They are rushed to the hospital. The doctor says, there is no way I can operate on this boy, ... Ryan: Because he's my son. The doctor is the boy's mother. Dwight: A man is found hanging from the ceiling... Ryan: He stepped on a block of ice, hung himself, and the ice melted. Dwight: A hunter. Ryan: It's a polar bear because you're at the North Pole. Dwight: Damn it! Jan: Tell me what you did yesterday. Michael: Uhhh... nothing. Jan: Nothing? Michael: Yeah, nothing. How was your day? Jan: I don't care how your day was Michael. Michael: Wow. Well. Ok. I don't care how your day was either, Jan. I was just asking you because you asked me. Why do you set me up like that? Jan: Tell me what you did yesterday. Michael: I worked. And then I went home to my condo. And Carol came over. And then we had sex. Is that what you want to hear? Michael: Never ever, ever sleep with your boss. I am so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base. Jan: Hi, Pam. Pam: Hi. Jan: I'm great. So, Pam I would like you to keep a log of everything Michael does hour by hour so we can analyze it at corporate. Ok? Pam: Oh, I don't know if I'm... Jan: Thanks Pam. Pam: It's weird. Jan use to treat Michael like he was a ten year old, but lately it's like he's five. Dwight: So you excited? Ryan: Yeah. Dwight: Very excited? Ryan: Yes. I'm very excited. Dwight: Extremely excited? ... Just very? That's cool. Ryan: I have spent a year here. I have to commit or get out. Dwight's the top salesman in the company and he's taking me on my first sales call today. And, um, I'm excited. Dwight: I am very excited. Ryan hasn't made a sale yet, but more importantly, he hasn't made an ally yet. Is he going to be a slacker-loser-wise-ass like Jim was? Or is he going to join the Dwight Army of Champions? Ryan: So what if they're not talking much, then does it makes sense to kind of lead the conversation? You know, just 'till it gets to a point where they are asking questions? [car stops] So where's the sales office? Dwight: When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you. Your journey begins now. Karen: [squeaky chair] Hey. Jim: What? Karen: My chair is squeaking. Jim: Is it? Karen: You took my chair. Jim: No, I didn't. I took back my chair that you took from me, but I didn't take your chair. Karen: When you get up, I'm just going to take it back anyway, so... Jim: So I guess I can't get up. Michael: Hey Koselli, the Kos. Cosby. Hey hey hey. I love Jello Pudding Pops. My son, Theo, loves Jello Pudding Pops too. Dwight: Do you know where we are, temp? Ryan: I know where we're not. Dwight: I hold in my hand, a beet seed. Take it. [Ryan tries to take it, Dwight closes hand] AH! [Ryan tries again and takes seed] When... Damn it. Andy: Hey, Big Tuna, can I talk to you for a second. Jim: Sure. Andy: Can you stand up? And talk to me over there? Karen: That's it? That's what you came up with? Andy: I'm acting my heart out here. Karen: Really? Andy: Yeah, really. You asked for my help, so I helped. Announcer: Attention Scranton Business Park, there will be complimentary pretzels in the lobby from now until 4 o'clock as a thank you to our loyal tenants. Pam: Once a year they bring in a little cart and they give away free pretzels. It's really not a big deal. To some people it is. Michael: Productivity is important but how can I be productive if I have this one little thing in my brain? That I cannot get out. And that one little thing is a soft pretzel. So I'm just going to have my soft pretzel, then I'll get to work, and I'll be super productive. Look out for me. Michael: [looks at long pretzel line] Oh, shhh... Come on. Dwight: And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I'm going to plant my seed in you. Ryan: I don't think you know what you're saying. Dwight: Smells pretty bad, doesn't it? Ryan: Uh huh. Dwight: It's called bull crap and a client can smell it from a mile away. Ryan: Gotcha. Dwight: Oh hey, I forgot something in my car. I'll be right back. Ryan: Ok. [Dwight drives away] Of course. Stanley: I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little, but on Pretzel Day? Well, I like pretzel day. Kelly: Because they acted all tough and everything... Michael: Uh huh. Kelly: But what they were rapping about was cupcakes and the Chronicles of Narnia. God. Who invented cupcakes, right? I want to... Michael: [Phyllis embraces Bob ahead in line] Hey, hey, hey! Phyllis, what are you doing? Phyllis: I'm just saying hi to Bob. Michael: No, I think you're cutting in line. Bob: Well settle down, Scott. Michael: No, I'm not going to settle down. Stanley: No way. Michael: Get in the back please. Stanley: Boooooo. Booooo. Back of the line. Michael: Boooooo. Thank you. [hi-five's Stanley]. That's right. Bob: What a pair of Mary's. Stanley: This is Pretzel Day. Ryan: Hey Dwight, you're a great salesman. Can you teach me? Sure, Ryan. I'll make you the ole commodor. I'll abandon you in a beet field. Huh. That sounds great, Dwight, I'll really appreciate that. Thank you so much for your mentorship. Dwight: Congratulations resourceful salesman. You have passed the second challenge. Welcome to Schrute Farm. Karen: [rocks in squeaky chair] Jim: [sings] Love me, love me, say that you love me, fool me, fool me, Karen: stop. Jim: Go on and fool me. Love me, love me, say that you love me Karen: This is not fair, this is going to be in my head all day. Please. Jim: fool me, fool me, go on and fool me. Love me, Karen: This is not a proportionate response. Jim: Love me, say that you love me. Fool me, fool me, go on and fool me. Andy: I don't care 'bout anything but you... what ever happened to those guys? Pam: Michael. Michael: No cuts. Oh, Pam. Just the woman I'd like to see. You read my mind. Pam: Great! I thought you could use this time to authorize some checks. Michael: I thought that maybe you could wait in line for me while I go to the bathroom. You're an angel. Pam: Hey, why don't you just go up to your office, get some work done, and I'll just bring you a pretzel. Michael: Because I like them a certain way, and if it gets screwed up, then whole thing is blown. Pam: You know, I just think it's really important that you be productive today. Michael: Pam, productivity starts with patience and determination. I'll be back. Dwight: It is time for your next test. You have planted the beet seed. You have walked the long lonely walk of loneliness. Ryan: Look man, I was in a frat in college. So I know what you're doing. I get it. Dwight: You know what your problem is? You know why you haven't made any sales? Cause you think you know everything. You have to trust that maybe there are other people that can teach you things. Are you ready to learn? Are you ready for the final test? Ryan: Yeah. Dwight: Come on! Stanley: Thank you! [takes pretzel] Michael: Hi. Please tell me that you have a sweet pretzel left. Pretzel guy: We do. Michael: Thank God. Pretzel guy: And we have 18 different toppings. We have sweet glaze, cinnamon sugar, chocolate, white chocolate, fudge, M&M's, caramel dip, mint chip, chocolate chip, marshmallow, nuts, toffee nuts, coconuts, peanut butter drizzle, Oreos, sprinkles, cotton candy bits, and powdered sugar. Michael: Is there anyway that you could do all, all of them? Pretzel guy: The Works. You got it. Michael: All right! Thank you! Dwight: Please be seated. [man runs behind Dwight] Ryan: Who was that? Dwight: Pay no attention to the spirits that haunt this hallowed ground. Ryan: Is that your Cousin Mose? Dwight: Yes. Dwight: Mose is my cousin and he lives here. He will always be my best friend. Unless things go well with Ryan today in which case, I won't hang out with Mose so much anymore. Dwight: What is the greatest danger facing Dunder Mifflin? Ryan: Outsourcing and consolidation of competition. Dwight: Wrong. Flash floods. What is the true cause of Robert Mifflin's su1c1de? Ryan: Depression? Dwight: Wrong. He hated himself. What is the DHARMA initiative? Kelly: I can't believe that Ryan is not back yet. Where could they be? Angela: Sales take a long time. Kelly: Oh my God, I'm so worried. Angela: I'm sure Dwight will protect him. Kelly: I don't know. Dwight's so weird. Angela: He's not weird, he's just individualistic. Kelly: No, he's a freak. Angela: You're a freak! Dwight: Final question, young Ryan Howard. What is Michael Scott's greatest fear? Ryan: Um, loneliness. Maybe women. Dwight: Wrong. He's not afraid of anything. Also, I would have accepted snakes. Fear is what it's all about. You cannot sell while undergoing fear. You need to vanquish fear! One must wrestle fear to the ground. You will now wrestle my cousin Mose. Ryan: No. Ok. All right. All right. It's over. This is over. OK. Dwight: Wrestle him to the ground. Ryan: No, you're a freak. I'm not doing this anymore. This is over. Goodbye. Dwight: Ryan. Don't. Ryan! You don't have to wrestle him. Just get in the coffin. Ryan? Cousin Mose: Bye, Ryan. He seemed nice. Dwight: Where are all the animals? Dwight: Ryan, come on. I am sorry. I am sorry. Mose is sorry too. Look, he sent over a basket with eggs and some fat back bacon. And look, something he whittled. Dwight: You still mad? It's just Jim and I didn't get along, and I didn't want it to be that way again. You know, I wanted us to be a team. An unstoppable team that competed against other teams. Ryan: Look, that, that's not what I wanted, ok. I just wanted to go on a sales call. Dwight: g*n. The sales call! Kevin: [Michael is listening to "Rock And Roll Part 2 by Gary Glitter" and everyone can hear it. Kevin singing in unison with the song] Hey! Hey! Michael: Mr. Kosseli. Hey hey hey, the Cos. What's going on? Do we have a deal? Deal or no deal? Let's make a deal. So what is the deal? Dwight: Establish time frames. Keep the phrase "real dollars" in their head. And always keep the power in the conversation. That's why you're losing them on the cold calls. Cause you say the word please too much. Ryan: Wait, can you go back? Dwight: Michael always said, K.I.S.S. Keep it simple, stupid. Great advice, hurts my feelings every time. Ryan: Ok, I'm going to establish time frames. Dwight: Good. Ryan: I'm going to put everything in terms of "real dollars". Dwight: Right. Ryan: I'm going to ask a lot of questions that all have sort of positive answers. Dwight: Uh huh. Ryan: Saying, that would be better, or we would like that. That sort of thing. Dwight: Exactly. Yes. Ryan: I'm going to try to be confident, but not cocky. Michael: Oh! Hey! Everyone, I am officially streamlining the efficiency of this corporation. Second... Toby: Second? Michael: Yes, second, Toby. Second, I am insisting on increased accountability from every single one of you. Kevin: Account...? Michael, what is going on? Michael: And I will be taking questions. Pam: Did you have a lot of sugar today, Michael? Phyllis: What's on your suit? Michael: Carmel Dip. But, one question at a time please. Phyllis, Stanley. I want you to switch desks, I'm going to reorganize and restructure the physical layout of the office to maximize everything! I think we're getting a lot done, don't you? On paper at least. And we are, after all, a paper company. Are we not, are we not, are we not? Are you with me, are you with me? Thank you very much! Ryan: They really didn't like me. Dwight: They did not. They didn't have to say it to your face. Ryan: I don't get it. I don't get what I did wrong. Dwight: Not everything's a lesson, Ryan. Sometimes you just fail. It's those online paper jerks. The whole business is changing. You know what? They're going to be screwed once this whole internet fad is over. What are you doing? [Ryan throws egg at building] Oh no no no no! Ryan! Yes! Ryan the temp! Come on! Courtesy of Dunder Mifflin. Come on! Drive. Ryan: You drive. Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Oh, hi Jan. He's, uh, on a sales call. No message? Bye, Jan. Dwight: [Dwight chokes as Ryan downs a beer in one drink] Temp! Temp! Temp! Temp! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Yes! Just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere. Ryan: I think about that all the time. Kevin: Night, Pam. Pam: Night. Michael: Hey, what time is it? Pam: 20 past 5. Michael: AM or PM? Pam: PM. Michael: Oh, good. Pam: These came for you. Contracts? Brent Koselli? Michael: Oh. Koselli. With the Jello. Pam: This is a huge sale. Michael: Yes. Right. Good. Pam: Night, Michael. Michael: Goodnight! Pam: [phone rings] Dunder Mifflin. Jim: Ah, hey. Pam: Oh my God. Jim: Hi. Pam: Hi. Jim: Sorry, I forgot Kevin's extension. It's a fantasy football thing. Pam: Oh. Jim: And I was just going to go through the system cause I didn't think you'd be there. Why, why are you still there? Pam: I had to work late. Jan's making me keep a log of everything Michael does all day. Jim: Wow. Do you think you could send me a copy of that? Pam: Yeah, totally. So... Jim: So... Pam: Do you... Jim: Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. Pam: Uh, no, I um. Everything's pretty much the same here. Jim: Oh, good. Pam: A little different. What time is it there? Jim: What time is it here? Um, we're in the same time zone. Pam: Oh, yeah. Right. Jim: How far away did you think we were? Pam: I don't know. It felt far. Jim: Yeah. I have a question for you. Pam: What? Jim: How many words per minute does the average person type? Pam: I type 90. Jim: Shut up. Mavis Beacon doesn't even type 90. Pam: It's true. Jim: Ok, I said average. Pam: 70? How many do you type? Jim: Forget it. I was just about to brag but forget it. Pam: Come on. Tell me. Jim: No. Pam: You have to tell me now. Jim: 65. Ok, no need to laugh. Pam: No, it's, that's respectable. Jim: Respectable? Pam: So ok. I'm watching the movie, by myself... Jim: Right. Pam: Because I just wanted a relaxing evening at home... Jim: Ok. Pam: And, I'm freaking out. Jim: Yeah. Pam: That movie is so scary! Jim: I know! Pam: But I'm holding on because I keep waiting for Sandra Bullock to show up. Jim: No way. How do you confuse 28 Days with 28 Days Later? Pam: Because I got it at Blockbuster and they don't put the pictures on the box. Jim: No, you're making this up! Pam: Would I make that up? Jim: Yes. Fancy New Beesley would make that up. New apartment, new stories. Pam: Oh, yeah, in my fancy new apartment. I have one bedroom, one bathroom, and a closet. Jim: And how many kitchens? Pam: I have one kitchen. Jim: Wow, you got totally taken for a ride Beesley. Pam: It's actually... Jim: Most apartments these days have like three. Pam: Three kitchens? Jim: Yes! How are you going to cook every meal of the day in one kitchen? Pam: [Ryan and Dwight enter] Hey, Ryan, are you ok? Jim: Pam? Ryan: Yeah. Yeah. Jim: Pam? Pam: Um. Ok, bye. Jim: Oh, yeah, I should, I should, I should probably go too. Pam: No, I was um... Jim: Oh, no no. Pam: You have to go? Jim: Yeah, uh, well. Pam: No, I should probably go too. Jim: Ok. Pam: I mean, yeah. Jim: Yeah. Bye Pam. Pam: Bye Jim. Stanley: Three hundred and sixty four days, 'till the next Pretzel Day.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x05 - Initiation"}	foreverdreaming
Kelly: Here you go. Michael: Nice dress, Ryan. Kelly: It's not a dress. It's a kurta. Michael: [laughing] OK. Michael: Tonight, one of our most ethnic co-workers, Kelly, has invited us all to a Diwali celebration put on by her community. What is Diwali, you may ask? Well, to have Kelly explain it [girly voice] it's ada blah blah blah, it's so super fun and it's going to be great. [normal voice] Lot of gods with unpronounceable names. Twenty minutes later you find out that is essentially a Hindu Halloween. Kelly: You look so handsome. Pam: Really you do. I love the material. Kelly: I know. Michael: How come you didn't get me one? Kelly: I... Phyllis: Ok, so, between Meredith's Mini-van and if I borrow Bob's Yukon that should fit about twelve people. Pam: I actually might not go. Feeling kind of tired. Meredith: Do you want to make Appletini's and watch 'Sex and the City' at my place? Pam: Oh, I don't know. I haven't decided yet. Kelly: I don't get why you won't go. Did I do something wrong? I mean, I thought we were really close friends. Pam: I just feel kind of tired, you know. Dwight: Maybe you've got mono. Pam: Maybe. I just ...I don't really have anyone to go with. Kelly: Well, go with Dwight. He's single, too. Right? Dwight: Yeah, totally single. Hundred percent available. Kevin: Are you guys going to this Indian thing tonight? Roy: I don't know. Who's... uh, who's going? Kevin: Oooh. Do you mean like, is Pam going? Angela: Don't go. They eat monkey brains. Michael: Hey. Hey. Stop that. That is offensive. Indians do not eat monkey brains. And if they do... sign me up... because I am sure that they are very tasty and nutritional. Michael: It's important that this company celebrates its diversity. And you know what, Stanley? Come Kwanzaa time, I have got you covered, baby. Stanley: I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. Michael: Wha? Really? You should! It's fun. Michael: I love the people here. And if there was one thing I di... don't really care for is that they can be terribly, terribly ignorant about other cultures. And I don't want them embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend, Carol. Michael: Diwali is a very important holiday for the Hindus. But, frankly, I'm a little appalled that none of you know very much about Indian culture. So, without further ado, Kelly you are on. Kelly: Um... Diwali is awesome... and there's food... and there's going to be dancing... and... Oh! I got the raddest outfit. It has, um... Michael: Kelly? Kelly: Sparkles... Michael: Um... why don't you tell us a little bit about the origins of the holiday. Kelly: Oh, um... I don't know. It's really old, I think. Angela: How many gods do you have? Kelly: Like hundreds, I think. Maybe more than that. Angela: [points at picture on the wall] And that blue busty gal? What's her story? Kevin: She looks like Pam from the neck down. Dwight: Pam wishes. [generalized laughing] Kelly, I'll take this one. Diwali is a Celebration of the Coronation of the God-King Rama. After his epic battle with Ravana, the Demon King of Lanka. It symbolizes the battle between good and evil... Michael: All right, all right, all right, all right. This isn't 'Lord of the Rings'. Jim: Sorry. Jim: I started biking into work. Josh does it and he lives a lot farther away than I do. And also it saves gas money, keeps me in shape... helps the environment. And now I know it makes me really sweaty for work. Karen: Nice basket. Jim: Thank you. Michael: Now, a lot of people say that Kelly is one in a million and that's true, but it's also not true. Because, frankly, there are literally billions of people just like Kelly in the world. Here are some famous Indians. [slide show] Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar. He is a Nobel prize-winning physicist. Impressive. Apu from the Simpsons. Hilarious. Indian. M. Night Shyamalan. 'The Village', 'Unbreakable', 'Sixth Sense', 'Sig... ' Dwight: I see dad people. Michael: Okay. Spoiler... alert. Dwight: He was dad the whole time. Michael: Just stop it. [slide of Michael & Carol kissing] What's the... oh, whoa! [laughs] Where did that come from? Tony: Karen, my chips got stuck in the vending machine again. I need your skinny, little arms. Karen: Oh. Did you shake it? Tony: Yeah, I shook it, I shook it. Andy: We have such a roller coaster thing, Karen and I. Jim: 'Scuse me? Andy: Roller-coastery friendship. Hot. Cold. On again. Off again. Sexual tension filled type of deal. It's very Sam and Diane. Jim: Wow. Andy: From 'Cheers'. Jim: Yup. Michael: And another thing about the Indian people... they love sex positions. I present to you the Kama Sutra. I mean look at that. Who's seen that before? Creed: I have. That's the 'Union of the Monkey'. Meredith: Oh, that's what they call it. Kevin: This is the best meeting we've ever had. Michael: Thank you, Kevin. Angela: I find this incredibly offensive. Michael: Well, I find it beautiful. Angela: Well, whatever Kelly wants to do in her own house is fine but we shouldn't all be subjected to it. Michael: No... Toby: Actually, she's right. This isn't appropriate. Why don't I take these. Michael: No, You're not going to collect them. Toby: Yes. Michael: No. This is delightful, charming culture. Michael: My Indian Culture Seminar was going great until Toby decided that he was too immature to deal with culturally explicit images. It's just sex. People... everybody does it. I'm doing it... with Carol! Probably tonight. Josh: All right. Think you guys should be all set. Oh, here's the corporate card for dinner. Karen: Thanks. Josh: And Karen? Let's keep it to twenty dollars a person this time. Karen: Got it. Jim: Once a quarter, the sales staff at this branch has to stay late to do order form consolidation... which, amazingly, is even less interesting than it sounds. Andy: You guys ready to party? Jim: What's that? Andy: I said are you ready TO PARTY! Phyllis: Isn't this fun? Not wearing shoes? Angela: I wish some of us still had our shoes on. Kevin: Stop it. It's a disease! I've told you. Carol: [wearing cheerleader costume] I thought you said this was a costume party! Michael: [points at woman] What does that look like to you? Carol: An Indian woman in a sari. Michael: No one's even going to notice. Kevin: Nice outfit. Michael: Hey, Kevin. It's a costume. Why don't you just cool it, okay? Carol? Carol. Michael: I'll have one of those as well. Thank you very much. Now these are limes, lemons, onions... Angela: I'm a vegetarian. What can I eat? Server: It's all vegetarian. Angela: I'll just have some bread. You used your hands. Michael: Oh, yuck. [spits out food] Carol: What? Too spicy? Michael: No. These s'mores are disgusting. Carol: They're not s'mores. They're samosas. Michael: Do you think they have any s'mores? Michael: All they are is chocolate, graham crcker, and marshmallow. How difficult would that have been? Ryan: So, you're Kelly's sisters, huh? Girls: [laugh] Kelly Zach Braff [speaks in Hindi] Ryan: What? Kelly: Ruka, Nipa, Tiffany. Stop acting like such little losers and just be cool. Come on, Ryan. Come on. Leave him alone. I hate you guys. Ryan: They said something about Zach Braff. Kelly: Don't even listen to them. They're so... Ryan: No, you don't... Pam: Very official. Pam: I decided to come. Uh... I feel a little under-dressed... but at least I'm not dressed like a slutty cheerleader, right? Is that mean? Dwight: Temp! Temp! Pflut! Pflut! Kelly: I don't even want to hear it. Okay. I didn't come this Diwali to get yelled at! Kelly's Mom: Stop it right now. Ryan is a temporary worker, makes no money. Wally is a whole doctor. So handsome. Kelly: Uh... excuse me. I want to get a... Kelly's Mom: He's a perfect match. Andy: Hey, Big Tuna, you ready? Jim: Yep. Andy: One. Two. Three. sht! Jim: Oh, Holy Mother of God. Andy: Oh, that burns! Golly. Um... Jim: Good. Karen: Ooh. Overhead: [song by Beyonce Knowles] Looking so crazy, my baby. I'm not myself lately. I'm foolish. I don't do this. I've been playing myself. Baby I don't care. Cuz your love got the best of me. And baby you're making a fool of me. Michael: Wow, thirty years? And you two only met once before the wedding night? Kelly's Father: Yes. Michael: Wow. Kelly's Father: How long have you been married to the cheerleader? Michael: Oh! She's not a cheerleader. She thought this was a costume party! Um... no, we're not married... yet! Kelly's Mom: She is very fair. Michael: She is. Very fair and very kind. So... um... tell me, is your marriage the kind of thing where when you die she has to throw herself on a fre? No? Okay. It's still very cool. Ok. Thanks! Andy: One. Two. Three. sht! Jim: Oh. Carol: Are you okay? Michael: I'm going to be. [to DJ] Hi, I'm just going to get this for a sec... just a sec. [speaks in microphone] Um... everyone? I'm sorry, could I have your attention, please. Thank you. Ah-hah... Hi. Sorry. I just have an announcement to make. Um... okay. I have learned a lot about Indian culture tonight. But I have learned even more about love. And I know you're all thinking 'who is this crazy gringo and what is he talking about?' Well, I'm not crazy. Maybe I'm crazy in love. So without further ado, Carol? Carol Stills. I would like you to do me the honor of making me your husband. Crowd: Awww! Carol: Oh, Michael. Michael: What do you say? Carol: Can we talk about this in private? Michael: I didn't hear you. [laughs] Carol: [louder] Can we talk about this in private? Michael: [lowers microphone] Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Okay. Michael: No. I get it. I get it. You're not ready. We'll wait. This is a classic... Carol: This is the ninth date, Michael. Michael: Yeah, well, but I ... I feel like I've known you many lifetimes. Maybe I'm Hindu after all. Okay, I'm not Hindu, but... Carol. Carol, I just... I feel like... I just like you so much. Carol: I better go. Okay, you can find a way home, all right? Michael: Yes. Carol: Okay. Michael: Ok. Okay. Good night. [louder] Hey, you know what? Why don't I come with you. Cause I've got this book called the Kama Sutra. Carol: Okay, good night, Michael. Michael: All right. Good night. Ryan: Well, I was a Temp but I got promoted. So, um... the compensation is a lot more competitive. Kelly's Mom: So you're saving money... Ryan: Yes. Kelly's Mom: ...to start a family and home. Ryan: Oh, um... or travel. And,um... and buy an Xbox. Kelly's Father: Is there anything you wanted to ask us tonight? Pam: Can you believe my boss proposed to his girlfriend in public? That is so Michael. Young Man: Is it? He's really outgoing, huh? Pam: Yeah. Hey, would you excuse me for a second? Pam: It's hot in there. How's the naan? Angela: Dry. You look like you were having fun. Pam: I am. You should come dance with us. Angela: I have to watch our shoes so they don't get stolen. Who were you texting? Pam: No one. Andy: [sings Indigo Girls] I went to the doctor. I went to the mountains. I looked to the children... Karen: Andy, no acappella. Andy: [sings] I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain. Andy and Jim: [sing] There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line Andy: Wait, wait. Andy and Jim: [sing] the less I seek my source... Karen: Oh, come on, guys. Please. Andy and Jim: [sing] the closer I am to fi-i-i-ne. The closer I am to.. Karen: It's not good. Andy and Jim: [sing] fi-i-i-ine! Andy: TUNA! Are you kidding me!! Michael: Oh, God! [chokes on food] Oh. Wow. Pam: Here. [hands drink] Michael: That's so spicy. Pam: Yeah. Michael: Oh. You waiting for a call? Pam: Uh... no. Michael: Wow. Pam. When Carol said 'No.' tonight, I think I finally realized how you must be feeling. We are both the victims of broken engagements. Pam: Well, you were never really engaged. Michael: I was in that marriage arena, though. Pam: Yeah. Michael: Yeah. Uuuuh... well. Pam: I kind of thought something would happen tonight too. Michael: We're so alike. So alike. [leans in to kiss her] Pam: What are you doing? Michael: What are you doing? Pam: I'm rejecting your... Michael: I'm... what? I didn't Pam: ...kiss. Michael: [scoffing noises] Can I have a ride home? Pam: If you sit in the back. Karen: Goodnight, guys. Jim: Can I have a ride, man? I... uh... I have my bike. Andy: No way, dude. I am not driving home. I have brought an inflatable bed for just such occasions. You're welcome to share it though. It's a roomy twin. Jim: Okay. Jim: Oh. Karen: Hey dummy, get in the car! Jim: I'm a drunk driver. Karen: Yes, you are. Here. Let me take that. Just... uh... get in the car. Jim: Man, you can really hold your liquor, Billabelli. Karen: Yeah, you can't. Jim: No kidding. And I am just going to lie down in the back, if that's all right. Karen: Sure. Here's your bag. Just don't puke on anything. You okay? Jim: So good. Karen: Good. Michael: These are not my shoes. This is just like that show 'Taxi Cab Confessions'. Pam: You say one more word; I'm stopping the car. Michael: Sorry. Michael: This is going out to Indians everywhere. It's a tribute to one of the greats... Mr. Adam Sandler. [sings] Diwali is a festival of lights. Let me tell you something. Tonight has been one crazy night. So put on your saris, it's time to celebrate Diwali. Everybody looks so jolly. But it's not Christmas, it's Diwali. The goddess of destruction Kali stopped by to celebrate Diwali. Don't invite any zombies to a celebration of Diwali. Along came Polly to have some fun at Diwali. If you're Indian and you love to party, have a happy, happy, happy, happy Diwali. Happy Diwali! Crowd: [loud clapping, cheering, and whistling]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x06 - Diwali"}	foreverdreaming
Karen: Hey. Jim: Hey. Karen: Who are you faxing so early in the morning? Jim: Oh, umm... kinda hard to explain. Jim: I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but, before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery, so, from time to time, I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future. [reading fax] "Dwight, at 8 A.M. today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight." Dwight: No![knocks coffee out of Stanley's hand.] You'll thank me later. Michael: There she is - Jan Levinson. First... Jan: Michael. Michael: ...thing in the morning. Love to start my morning with a hearty bowl of Jan. Jan: Michael. Michael: [singing] Just call me Levinson in the morning, baby. Jan: Michael. Michael: Yes. Jan: I am here to tell you that we are closing the Scranton branch. Michael: I don't understand. Jan: The board voted last night to close your branch. Michael: On whom's authority? Jan: The board's. Michael: What? Jan: I'm very sorry. I don't relish telling you this. You've been a big part of this company, and the board asked me to thank you for your years of service. Michael: You're welcome. Jan: A small number of people will be transferred to the Stamford branch, and the rest will be getting severance packages. Michael: Am I a small number person or a severance package person? Jan: Well, we haven't made final decisions about personnel yet. But you're a severance package person. Michael: Oh... [burrys head in hands] Oh, my god. Oh, my god! I don't really get it 'cause we're not doing that bad and our numbers are gonna come up. Jan: Well, it's not all about numbers, Michael. Michael: Well... Jan: It's... it's about talent. Michael: Oh, you gotta be... Josh? Jan: Our CFO believes that Josh is going to play an important role in our company's future. Michael: Oh really, what role is that? King of the stupid universe? Michael: It is an outrage, that's all. It's... hey're making a huge, huge mistake. Let's see Josh replace these people. Let's see Josh find another Stanley. You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well they don't. There is no Stanley tree. Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises? Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place. Ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm. Michael: Pictures. Memories. [Picks up a framed photo of Stanley's daughter from Stanley's desk] Look at that. They grow up so fast. Dwight: Hey stranger. Michael: Don't say that. That just sounds weird. Please. Dwight: Sorry. I just feel like we haven't talked in awhile. Michael: Well... we have nothin to talk about, Dwight. Just do your work ... while you still can. Dwight : When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. And right now, the title of Michael's book is, "Something Weird is Going On." Colon, "What Did Jan Say? The Michael Scott Story. By Michael Scott, with Dwight Schrute." Karen: Hey, um... did you hear about your friends in Pennsylvania? Rumor has it that the Scranton Branch is... [clicks her tongue to her mouth motions chopping off a head] Jim: Really? Wow... that's bad. Andy: Um, sorry... the Scranton branch is closing? [Karen nods and Andy looks at Jim] In your face! Jim: Well, I work here now. Andy: Mmmm.. suck-ah! Pam: Are you okay? Michael: Yeah, great! Amazing. Best physical condition of my life. Pam: What did Jan want? Michael: Nothing. Just checking in. I can't tell you, so... Pam: What can't you tell me? Michael: Nothing, Pam.[whispers to himself] What difference does it make? We'll be gone in a couple of weeks anyway. Pam: What?! Michael: What? Pam: You just said that we're gonna be gone...? Michael: Do I have any messages? Pam: Michael, what's going on? Michael: Ok, ok... Michael: [facing the whole office] Listen up, everybody... I have some news. We are screwed. Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton is being shut down. Toby: Michael, uh... we shouldn't be talking about this until all the decisions have been made. Michael: You knew about this all along, didn't you? Toby: Jan told me just a few minutes before she told you. Michael: Traitor. You are a traitor. Angela: What about us, Michael? Do we still have jobs? Michael: I don't know. Probably not. This is the worst. Ryan: It makes perfect sense that it would happen today because I just received this in the mail. [holds up cards] A thousand business cards with this address and phone number. Angela: I don't want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone's to blame. Kelly: If I get to stay and Ryan is laid off, I will kll myself. Like Romeo and Juliet, the Claire Danes one. Andy: [surrounded by clapping coworkers] Stamford, Connecticut! Stamford, Connecticut! Jim: I worked in Scranton for a really long time. And uh, it's going to be weird that it's all disappearing. I mean, I always knew that the branch would shut down someday. I just figured it would be because Michael sold the building for some magic beans. Stanley: I couldn't be happier. I'm gonna take the severance and retire. My wife and I are gonna travel. [chuckles] I really couldn't be happier. Pam: It's a blessing in disguise. Actually, not even in disguise. Sometimes at home, I answer the phone, "Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam." So, maybe that'll stop now. Roy: What does that mean? Kevin: Well, some of us are fired and a few are going to Connecticut. Roy: I don't really want to work here without Pam. You know that Cinderella song, "You Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)"? That pretty much says it better than how I know how to say it... in words. Darryl: Hey Mike. Michael: Darryl. Noble Darryl. [sighs] Darryl: Look, I heard about the office. Tough break. Michael: I know, I know. Well, I'll land on my feet. Don't worry about me. Darryl: I wasn't. Michael: So, you'll be okay too. You're a warrior. You're smart, capable. You'll find something else and... Darryl: Actually, Bob Vance bought out the warehouse. So he's keeping on the whole crew. So, we good. Michael: Awesome. Michael: This is my house. The CFO is taking away my house and giving it to Josh. And Josh is giving the garage to Bob Vance. Michael: All right, listen up. Some of you may have heard some rumors about the branch closing. But, I am not going to take this lying down. I have a plan and I am going to save our jobs. So just hang in there. [Looks at Dwight] Let's go. Dwight: Yes! Pam: Oh, good... you're bringing Dwight. Michael: Yes. This might get ugly. I need backup. Dwight: What's the plan? Michael: Go to New York, confront the CFO, show him he's making a mistake... save the branch. Dwight: Can I drive? Michael: No... way. Dwight: gn! Michael: No. There's no one else. Dwight: Still. Dwight: Thank you very much. [hangs up cell phone] Okay, secretary says Wallace is away for the day and won't be coming back into the office. Michael: Okay, okay. Um... Dwight: But, do not worry. I have his home address right [presses cell phone button] here. Michael: Why? Dwight: Christmas card list. Michael: You sent him cards? You never met him. Dwight: But when I do, we'll have something to talk about. Jim: Hey, do you have a second? Josh: Sure, what's up? Jim: I know it's not definite or whatever, but uh, do you know who's coming over here from Scranton? Josh: I honestly don't. I don't know. Jim: Okay, so is it like sales or... accountants? Josh: You know what, Jim, I wouldn't worry about it. Jim: What does that mean? Jan: Hi. Josh: Jan, hey. Jan: Oh, good. You're both here. Ready to talk logistics? Ryan: [to Kelly] I just feel like it could have been something special if we could have kept working together, but I'm gonna go someplace else and you're gonna go someplace else. It just doesn't make sense. Ryan: This kinda worked out perfectly for me. I got some good experience. Uh, Michael's gonna write me a great recommendation. And as far as me and Kelly goes, I think it's for the best. Michael: Okay, this is it. [runs up the stairs of CFO's house, with Dwight] This is exactly what Michael Moore does, famous documentarian. He goes up to people with a camera and he's like "Why did you do this? Why did you pollute? You are bad. You're a bad person." It's very dramatic. Although, I can't say I was a big fan of 'Bowling for Columbine', because I thought it was going to be a bowling movie, like 'Kingpin'. And it wasn't. It was something else. Jan: So, Josh will be running what is now called Dunder-Mifflin ,Northeast, which is all the offices north of Stamford. And Jim, fi you want the job, you'll be his number two. Josh: Wow. Uh, sure. Absolutely. Jan: Awesome. Josh: Excuse me, Jan, I'm sorry... I'm gonna have to stop you there. I, um, will not be taking the job. Jan: Wha... excuse... why not? Josh: As of today, I have accepted a senior managment position at Staples. Jan: Today? Josh: [nods] Jan: You leveraged your new position with us into another offer? Josh: [sighs] Jan: Damn it, Josh. This whole restructuring thing was based around keeping you. I... Josh: I'm sorry, all right? It's done, it's done. Jan: I'm gonna make some calls. Jim: Say what you will about Michael Scott, but he would never do that. Dwight: So, do you know what you're gonna say when he shows up? Michael: I will improvise. I will speak from the heart. Dwight: No. Bad idea. You need an attck plan. Here, I'll be him, you be you. Let's practice. Michael: All right. Dwight: [as David Wallace] Dum, dum, dum, dum... coming home from work. M ichael: Excuse me, Mr. Wallace? David Wallace? Dwight: Yes? What is the meaning of this? Michael : Can you tell us why you are shutting down Scranton and putting 15 people out of work? Dwight: Well, the branch is no longer finicially viable. It's simple dollars and cents. Michael: Yes, but these are employees, Sir. These are human beings. Dwight: Listen, Scott... we're losing money, okay? It's not a charity; it's a business. And it's a dying business. Michael: [no longer talking to Dwight as Wallace] Stop... stop it! Just, okay. He's not going to say any of that. Dwight: [as himself] Whoa hey, why not? Michael: Because he'd be intimidated and I, just... let's start again. Just be more scared of me, okay? Dwight: Okay. Michael: Don't touch me this time. Dwight: [as David Wallace] Dum, dum, dum, du, doy, du, do... coming home from work... Michael: Excuse me, Mr. Wallace? Dwight: [frightened] Uh! Jan: So... we are still scrambling here. But uh, it looks like Scranton is going to absorb Stamford. Jim: Wow. Jan: And I know that you just left there a couple of months ago, but we would like to offer you the number two position at that branch. Jim: Thank you. Jan: Yeah. Jim: No, it's just I'm not sure if I um... well to be quite honest with you, Jan, I have a few unpleasant memories of Scranton. And um... Jan: Michael. Jim: No. No, no. Just um... some personal stuff. And I'm not really ready to revist that, I don't think. Jan: Ah. Well, please think about it. And call me. We will do whatever we can to get you to stay. Jim: Okay. Phyllis: Hey guys. Uh, I'm trying to organize a little group lunch for everybody since you know, we're never gonna see each other again. Kevin: Where are we going? Phyllis: I thought maybe DJ's. Kevin: How about Cugino's? Angela: I don't want to go all the way to Dunmore. Kevin: How 'bout Cooper's then? Angela: No seafood. Kevin: But, I don't want to go to DJ's. Angela: Oh, now all of a sudden you get picky? Phyllis: Okay, forget it. [walks away] Kevin: Hooters? Angela: No. Dwight: Ah. [takes a gulp of Gatorade and passes the bottle to Michael] Here, replinish your fluids. Michael: [takes bottle and cleans off cap with his tie] Jan: [in Scranton] Where's Michael? Pam: He's not here. I don't know where he is. Jan: [looks around, noticing that no one is working] Wha... what's going on here? Phyllis: We know the branch is closing; Michael told us. Jan: Ah, god. Okay. You know what everybody? I'm sure there is a better way to do this but I've drive something like 400 miles today and I'm completely exhausted so I'm just gonna tell you. Your branch is not closing; Stamford is closing. Um, for the time being, it seems that all your jobs are safe. Angela: Yes! Kevin: Yes! [hugs Angela] Phyllis: Stanley! [hugs Stanley] Pam: Is it because of Michael? Did he actually do something? Jan: Well, reasons are not important. Would you just call him, please? Wherever he is... and tell him. Pam: Sure, uh, Jan... um, do you know, is anyone coming back to Scranton? Jan: Back? Pam: Coming to Scranton. Is anyone coming to Scranton? Jan: Uh, we don't know. Probably. A few. Dwight: [referring to Michael's ringing phone] who is it? Michael: The office. Dwight: Gonna get it? Michael: No, not until I have some good news for them. Not until I have some good news. Pam: I guess some new people might be coming from Stamford. Should be fun. New blood. Ryan: Is Jim coming back. Pam: That's, um... I hadn't thought about it, huh. Ryan: I just don't want it to be weird, you know? I mean, I took his old job and his old desk. Pam: Yeah, that might be weird. Overall though, we still all have our jobs... so, good news, right? Ryan: Oh, yeah, totally. Kelly: Ahhhhh! [hugs Ryan] I'm so happy we don't have to break up now, Ryan! [kisses him] This is the best day of my whole l ife! Karen: What you gonna do? Jim: I really don't know. How you doing with all this? Karen: You know, I'm fine. I'll be better when I know if I have a job. Jim: You'd actually move to Scranton? Karen: Yeah, if they let me, I think I... I think I would. Jim: New York City is 45 minutes down the road from here. And you wanna move to Scranton? I dunno. If I were you I'd move to New York? Karen: Yeah, you know... I might do that. I, who knows? I... I might do that. Josh: Hey Andy! Andy: [after screaming and throwing papers around in the kitchen] What's up, Josh? Josh: I just want to say thanks. Good luck. Andy: Thanks, man. You, too. Totally. Michael: Anything? Dwight: Nothing. [puts down binoculars] Michael: What if this doesn't work? What is the office actually goes under? Dwight: Then it was an honor to have worked with you. Michael: [pats Dwight and sighs] All right, favorite moments in Dunder-Mifflin history. Go. Dwight: My first day when you hazed me by spraying me with a fre extinguisher. Michael: That was hilarious. The foam ... Dwight: Uh,... my first sale, my promotion to assistant regional manager, our basketball game, when you took me to the hospital, and told me that you cared about me. Michael: Oh, right. Okay, that's enough. That's good. Dwight: What were your favorite moments? Michael: Oh, hmm, all of them. I loved them all. Every single one. Dwight: What about when Jan said the branch was closing? Michael: God, Dwight! Dwight: Well, it doesn't... Kevin: Hey Pam, we're going to Poor Richards. Creed's buying sh*ts. Pam: No thanks, guys. Kevin: All right. Pam: Have fun though. Kevin: Cool. Phyllis: Hey, I hear Jim's coming back. Pam: Really? Where did you hear that? Phyllis: I was... Kevin: [interupting] Hey Ryan, you coming? Ryan: Uh yeah, we'll meet you there. Kevin: Awesome. Let's go, Phyllis. Phyllis: [to Pam] I'll tell you later. Pam: Okay. Roy: Crazy day, huh? Pam: Yeah. Roy: Yeah, man! I'm uh... I'm really glad you're still gonna be working here. Pam: Yeah, me too. Pam: Maybe this is good. Finding another job is a pain. There's another annoying boss, another desk, I'd have to learn everything all over again. So, there are reasons to stay. Jim: Hey, um, I think I am gonna take that job. And Scranton... it's not that bad. So, if they offer you a job there, I think you should take it. Karen: Okay, yeah. Maybe I will. Jim: Okay. Karen: Yeah, I'm happy he said that. I mean, I don't think he's into me or anything, but, I'm kind of into him. So...there you go. Michael: What are we still doing here? It's over. Let's go home. Get the car. Dwight: [picks up his beeping cell phone] Michael: Oh, this was such a stupid idea! This was so stupid. I am such a stupid idiot. I let everybody down. Everybody hates me. I lost everybody's jobs. Nobody likes me anymore! Dwight: [on the phone] Oh my God! Michael: What?! Dwight:: Stranford is closed! Michael, we're not closed. Stamford is closed. Stamford is closed. Michael: We did it? We did it. Dwight: We did it! Michael and Dwight: We did it! We did it! Michael: Right here! Right here! [pounds his chest against Dwight's] Michael and Dwight: Ouu! Ou! Ouu! Ouu! Michael: Yeah, baby! Dwight: In your face! Michael: We did it! Dwight: Oh, man. Michael: How did we do it? Dwight: I don't ... have no idea. Michael: I don't understand. Toby: Well for a minute there, I saw myself selling my house, moving to Costa Rica, learning how to surf. But, Costa Rica will still be there. When I'm 65.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x07 - Branch Closing"}	foreverdreaming
Jim: The Stamford branch is closing and everybody's just packing up their stuff. Andy Bernard made these tasteful hats. Andy: [to office worker] That's the other thing you got to watch out... [to Jim] Yo! Tuna! I wanna talk to you about this new boss, Michael Scott. Jim: Yeah. Andy: So what's he like? Likes? Dislikes? Favorite sports? Favorite movies? Favorite men's magazines? Jim: You know what? I think you just need to meet him. Andy: Playing your cards close to the vest. I get it. Good luck over there, Tuna. Cross me and I will destroy you. Jim: Sounds good Andy. Karen: This is going to be an adventure. Jim: Yes. This is going to be very interesting. All right, I'm out of here. See you later? Karen: Right on. [to Andy] Hey is that Josh's computer? Andy: What? Pam: Hey! Toby: Hey. Pam: How'd the run go? Toby: Ah, pretty good. I finished. Pam: That's great! Dwight: Psh, why is that great? Pam: Because he accomplished something. Dwight: What was your mile time? Toby: About seven. Dwight: [scoffs] I could bat that on a skateboard. Toby: Well, that has wheels. Dwight: Yeah, well my feet don't. And I can still crush that time. Pam: Really, Dwight? How fast are you? Dwight: Let's just put it this way. Last weekend I outran a black pepper snake. Pam: Really? Dwight: I am fast. To give you a reference point. I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther. Dwight: Man, what is taking Toby so long? Pam: Oh, I'll just time him later. Dwight: And you'll compare the times? Pam: Yeah. Are you ready? Dwight: No, my groin... Pam: Set Dwight: ...is really tight. Pam: Go! Dwight: I can't... [starts running] Pam: Am I being mean to Dwight? I don't know. I did just make him run around the building and I have no intention of timing him. This isn't even a stopwatch. It's a digital thermometer. He does make my life harder, sometimes. And on purpose. Like he tried to put meters on the bathroom stalls as a way of bringing in more money for the company. [yells to Dwight] Hey, three more laps to go. Gotta pick it up if you're going to bat Toby. Dwight: Aaaaah! Pam: I should probably get back to work. Michael: Here... Who's here? Dwight: Nametag? Michael: Yes, please. Dwight: Karen Filippelli. Michael: Karen Filip... [In Italian voice] Ka-ren Fili-pell-li. Dwight: Probably Italian. Possibly Filipino. Michael: Okay. Michael: My branch is absorbing the Stamford branch. Or, as I like to put it, my family is doubling in size. That's all I'm going to say about it because I have a gigantic performance ahead of me. And I have to get into my head and focus. [exhales] Michael: Who's next? Dwight: That's Andy Bernard. Michael: Andy Bernard. Dwight: If I were you... Michael: Saint Bernard. Dwight: ...I would fre Anthony Gardner... Michael: What? Dwight: ...before noon... Michael: I'm not... Dwight: ...to consolidate power. Michael: I'm not fring somebody on the first day. Dwight: No, no, no! Not somebody. Gardner. Dwight: The Japanese camp guards of World wr II always chose one man to kll whenever a batch of new prisoners arrived. I always wondered how they chose the man who was to die. I think I would have been good at choosing the person. Pam: Good morning! Michael: Got the food? Good! Looky-looky-looky. What I want you to do... set it up in the conference room, please. Make it look nice. As if you are trying to impress a much older man who's way out of your league. Pam: Okay. Pam: Yes! I'm in a good mood today! I'm excited to meet all the new people and to see my old friend again, definitely. That's always a thing that makes people happy... to have an old friend back. Hannah: Hello? Michael: Ah! Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Our first arrival. Welcome to Scranton. This is Hannah Smoterich-Barr. Dwight: Hannah Smoterich-Barr. Michael: Welcome to our humble abode. Follow me to your desk. Your ball and chain is right over here. Michael: You know for a lot of these people this is the only family they have. So... As far as I'm concerned, [holds up WORLD'S BEST BOSS mug] this says 'World's Best Dad'. Michael: Ah! There he is Tony... what's your last name? Tony: Gardner. Michael: Gardner! I knew that. There you go. Gift bag... for you. [laughs] Okay. Tony: Thanks. Kevin: Michael, I didn't get a gift bag. Michael: Well, they're just for guests. If there are any left over, you can buy one later. Hannah: My bag's mostly pencils. Michael: Wh..and coupons... to various hot spots around Scranton. [to Tony] All right! Let me show you to your area, sir. Come on, big guy. Kevin: Can I have your pencils? Hannah: No. Pam: Hi! Karen: Hi. Pam: I'm Pam. Karen: Karen. I love your sweater. Pam: Oh, thanks. My Mom made it for me. Karen: Really? That's so cool. I've always wanted to learn... Michael: Welcome. Karen: ...to knit. Michael: Welcome, welcome, welcome! [in robot voice] Take me to your leader. Oh wait, I am your leader. Karen: Uh wait, are you a robot or a Martian? Michael: Mmm... dah. I am actually your boss, Michael Scott. Welcome. Wow! You are very exotic looking. Was your dad a G.I. or uh? Andy: I'll be the Number Two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs. Andy: Hello. Michael: Ah! You must be Andy Bernard. Aloha and welcome! Andy: And you must be Michael Scott. Aloha and... hello. Michael: A-ha-ha-ho. Very good! Welcome to our little kingdom. Ah, we have a bag of nifty gifties for you. Andy: Michael, thank you for welcoming me to your little kingdom, Mike. Michael: Oh. Andy: Nifty! Michael: They are nifty! They're nifty gifties. Michael: You know who I really like? Is this guy Andy Bernard. He has got this very likable way about him. Martin: ...which is why they need a passing game. Jim: Right. Michael: [to Jim] No way. Get him out of here. We don't want any of this kind in here. Good to see you, man. Jim: Okay. Michael: [to Martin] How are you? Martin Nash, I presume? This is a little gift bag for you. Martin: Oh! Thanks. Michael: Free of charge. Follow me, I will show you where all the slaves work. [shakes head] Not... so, your desk is... Jim: Hi, I'm Jim. I'm new here. Pam: Oh my god! It's really you! Jim: Yeah, I was just doing a little joke there about how we'd never met... Pam: I know. I don't care. Jim: Awesome! Good to be back. The place looks really good. Pam: It's really good to see you. Jim: You, too. Jim: Where do I stand with Pam? Um... no idea. I mean, we're friends. Always have been friends. Um... .that is where we stand. Dwight: Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in from Stamford. Jim: Hey, Dwight. Dwight: Fact - I am older. I am wiser. Do not mess with me. Jim: Okay. Sounds good. Dwight: What are you doing? Jim: I don't know what you're talking about. Dwight: I have a smudge on my forehead? Jim: No. Looks good. Dwight: Why are you looking at my forehead? Jim: I'm not. Dwight: Meet my eye line, Jim! Jim: I am. Dwight: Stop acting like an idiot! Jim: Okay. Ryan: Hey, buddy. Welcome back. Jim: Hey! How are you man? Good to see... you. Ryan: I'm good! How are you? So... Jim: Oh, I'm sorry. Are you sitting here now? Ryan: Yeah. Jim: Oh. Ryan: Um... unless you really, really want it back. Jim: You know, man, it's really you're call. Ryan: Cool, thank you. Jim: [whispers] Let me get that for you. Ryan: Yuh. Jim: This one taken? No. Good. Ryan: Yeah. Jim is a nice guy. That's why I got the desk. Toby: Hey, this came with the Stamford book. [Sets down box that says: Personnel Files Stamford CT Office Confidential] Can you take care of it? Kevin: Oh, yes I can. Kevin: In general, they do not give me much responsibility. But they do let me shred the company documents. And that is really all I need. Andy: Michael Scott. Thank you. I appreciate it, Mike. Michael: Right. Dwight: Hello. I don't believe we've been introduced. Dwight Schrute. Assistant Regional Manager. Andy: Andy Bernard. Regional Director in Charge of Sales. Dwight: So you'll be reporting to me, then. Andy: Umm, on the contrary. Dwight: My title has 'Manager' in it. Andy: And I'm a director. Dwight: Oh. Andy: Which on a film set is the highest title there is. Do you know anything about film? Dwight: I know everything about film. I've seen over 240 of them. Andy: Congratulations. Jim: Hey, Toby! Toby: Hey, Jim! Jim: How are you, man? Toby: Oh, really good. Jim: I just wanted to say hi. Toby: How are you? Hey. Welcome back. [puts out fist to bump] Jim: Oh. Is that like your new thing? Toby: No, I'm sorry, it's... Jim: No. It's cool. Toby: No, it's nothing. We'll just... [shakes hand] Jim: All right. Good to be back. Toby: So... okay. Jim: All right. Toby: All right... sorry... sorry about that. Jim: No problem. Toby: It was just... Jim: [off camera] ...what? Toby: Nothing. Kevin: This thing is so awesome. It will shred anything. Ooh! It will shred a CD. It will shred... a credit card. It will shred... oh! [whispers] sh*t. Michael: [talking to himself] I present the orientation video. Dwight: We need to talk! Michael: Not now. Dwight: Which is higher? Assistant Regional Manager or Regional Director in Charge of Sales? Michael: I told you the titles are irrelevant. They just relate to pay scale. Dwight: Okay. So who gets paid more? Me or Andy? Michael: It is not a matter of more or less. Your pay is just different. Okay? All right! Show time, part one. Dwight: Ok. Who reports to who? Michael: I don't care! Dwight! You all report to me! That's all that matters! The rest of it just work out amongst yourselves, ok? Dwight: And then if I want... Michael: Work it out amongst your selves! Dwight: I... Michael: Please! I have a company to run. Well, you let me run the company? Dwight: I... Michael: Will you? Dwight: One... Michael: Please? Kelly: Jim! Jim: Kelly! Kelly: Oh! Oh my god! I have so much to tell you! Jim: Really? Kelly: Yes! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? They had a baby and they named it Suri. And then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? They had a baby, too, and they named it Shiloh. And both babies are amazing! Jim: Great. What's new with you? Kelly: I just told you. Michael: Okay. Everybody settled in? Good. Why don't we all proceed in to the conference room? Or, should I say, the banquet hall. For... drum roll, please [makes drum roll noises], the official Merger Day All-Family Welcome Breakfast. Come on in! Michael: Yoko shack. Male voice: ...thank you James. [laughs] Meredith: Hey, champagne. Michael: Nope, no. Guests only. Kelly: Looks like salmon. Michael: Nope. Um... for the guests it is. For you, consider it cow-meat. Strictly taboo. Kelly: I eat beef. Michael: Well, then... consider it poisoned beef. No touchy. Kevin: The beef is poisoned? Michael: No, it's not beef... just... sit down, please. [talks to group] Welcome. Help yourself. Toby: Um... You might want these orientation materials. Michael: Wrong. Toby, this is an orientation not a borientation.[talks to group] Okay. Do not worry. All of your questions are about to be answered. Cell phones and pagers off, please. Jim: Oh, this looks promising. Pam: You won't be disappointed. Michael: Let's face it. Moving to a new job can be very stressful. So I have made an orientation video especially for you newcomers. But it's not like any orientation video that any of you have ever seen. It's funny. It's got a little bit of a zing to it and I hope that it gives you a flavor of what we're all about here at Dunder Mifflin. And what we're all about here in Scranton. So let's just all laugh together and watch "Lazy Scranton". Video: [Lazy Scranton Video] Michael: Sittin' in my office with a plate of grilled bacon, call my man Dwight just to see what was shakin'. Dwight: Yo Mike, our town is dope and pretty. Michael: So check out how we live Michael & Dwight: in the Electric City! Michael: They call it Scranton. Dwight: What? Michael: The Electric City. Scranton. Dwight: What? Michael: The Electric City. Call poison control if you're bit by a spider. Dwight: But check that it's covered by your health care provider! Jim: It reminds me of the orientation video showed on my first day. 'The Scranton Witch Project'. Michael: [in video] I am so scared... when people don't label their personal food. Video: [Lazy Scranton video continues] Michael: You like coal mines and you wanna see 'em, Well, check it out, yo, the Anthracite Museum! Plenty of space in the parking lot, Dwight: But the little cars go in the compact spot Michael and Dwight: Spot, spot, spot, spot ... Michael: [on video in background] Spot. Scranton. What? The Electric City. Scranton.What? The Electric City. Scranton. What? Michael: Well, so far, I think it is killin'. I thought it would either be an 'A' or an 'A+' but I completely forgot that there's an 'A++'. Karen: [recording phone message] This is Karen Filippelli. Please leave a message. Jim: Terrible. Totally unconvincing. Karen: [recording] This is Karen Filippelli. Please leave a message. Jim: Not bad, but you are Italian so... try it more Italian. Karen: [recording] [in bad Italian accent] Dis is Kar-en Fill-uh-pel-li. Please leava me da message. A bon danza. Jim: You feel good? Karen: Mm-hm. Jim: All right. Karen: [recording phone message] Karen Filippelli. Andy: Hey, buddy. Anything new to report? Dwight: Do you mean to me? From you? Cause that's how it works. Andy: Sure thing, buddy. Andy: Am I trying to get under his skin? Yes. Because the angrier he gets, the more marginalized he becomes. Meanwhile, Andy Bernard is out there layin' on the charm. Andy: Hey, Angela. Check this out. It's my new screen saver. Angela: Oh. Andy: Do you like it? Angela: I do like it, actually. Andy: Thank you. You have such a pretty smile by the way. Angela: Thank you. Andy: You're welcome. Pam: Hey. Jim: Hey! Pam: What happened to grape soda? Jim: Oh yeah. I'm trying to move away from that. Getting into more of a bottled water phase. Pam: Oh. You've changed so much. Jim: Well, I'm evolving, Pam. Pam: So when do I get to hear everything? Are you still getting unpacked or... you want to grab a coffee or something after work? Jim: Oh! Um... tonight, actually? No. I'm uh just still getting settled. Pam: Oh, yeah, no! You know. Whenever. Jim: Okay. Michael: Oh-kay. Sorry to interrupt. I... Jim: Nope. You're not interrupting anything. Nope. I'm... Michael: All right. Jim: Don't... Michael: Okay. Jim: All right. [to Pam] I should probably get back to work. Get back to work. Pam: Yeah. I know, me too. Jim: All right! Pam: The day's going fine. It's been a little chaotic but it's fine. It's great! A lot of distractions. But, it's good. Hannah: [using breast pump] Take a picture. It'll last longer. Ryan: I'm sorry. It's just, it's a little distracting. Creed: Ditto that, my brother. Hannah: Look what's on his computer. Michael: What is that? A squid's eye or... Hannah: It's my left breast. Michael: How did you... Creed: Right place at the right time. Karen: Uh, what's that smell? Phyllis: What smell? Karen: Must be an... air freshener plugged in somewhere. It smells like a funeral home. Phyllis: Oh, I'll help you find it. Karen: Oh, you know. Never... .never mind. Phyllis: What is it? Karen: I... I... I, uh, think I'm just allergic to your perfume. Phyllis: My perfume? Karen: It's just my crazy nose. I'm... uh, used to different smells. Phyllis: Bob Vance bought this perfume for me in Metropolitan Orlando. It's made from real pine. Karen: Who's Bob Vance? Phyllis: You have a lot to learn about this town, sweetie. Stanley: I don't know who these new people think they are. I've sat downwind of Phyllis' stinky perfumes for years. Never said a word. Michael: People hate people that are different from them. That's natural. But you know what makes people forget their differences? A great show. That is why I created the 'Integration Celebration'. This is the moment when Scranton and Stamford come together as one. United in applause. Michael: I know what a lot of you must be thinking. 'Wow! What a day! Feels more like a night at a party than a day at work.' Well, in my opinion, business should feel like a night out. A night... at... the Roxbury. Okay. There's supposed to be music and it's... I got it, I got it! I got it. Dwight! Just. Dwight: Do you have batteries? Michael: Ssshh stupid! Um... Andy: [sings drum bat intro to 'What is Love?'] Michael: That's it! Andy: [sings] What is love? Michael: Yes, yes! Okay! Andy: Baby, don't hurt me. Michael: Okay, here we go. Andy & Michael: Don't hurt me! Baby, don't hurt me! Michael: Oh! Andy: Baby, don't hurt me! Michael: Oh! Oh! Oh! Andy: Whoa-oh-oh-oh Michael: Scuse me! Scuse me! Andy & Michael: Whoa-oh-oh-oh! Whoa-oh-oh... Michael: You me? You me? Me you? You! You! You me! Bow Bow Bow! Andy: Whoa-oh-oh-oh. Michael: You me? You me? Me you me! You! You! You me you! You! Oh my nose so itchy, why's my nose so itchy! Andy: Oh, probably because of all the nose candy. Michael: [laughs hysterically] Okay, I told you these guys had a sense of humor. Dwight: Very funny, Michael! Michael: Okay! Okay! Dwight: Really funny, Michael! Michael: All right, all right, I'm on a roll. Michael: Why are the new people on the table? To show them that we are not above them. Karen: Shouldn't we be equals? Michael: Not today. No. Tony! Please join your cohorts on the table if you would. Tony: Uh... this is difficult, for me. Michael: I understand. We're all friends. Tony: No. I mean I can't physically. I can't get on the table. Michael: Oh, well. Just use the momentum of your lower half to hoist yourself up. Tony: [starts to climb table] Michael: You know what? I'll help. I will... Tony: No, please. No. Michael: Don't be shy! Dwight! Let's do this! Dwight: Do this. Come on. Ready? Michael: Come on. We're doing this thing! Let's get up. Dwight: On three. One... two... three. Michael: Bend at the knees. Okay, here we go. Here we go. I'm under this... I'm under this hock here. I don't know what I'm grabbing here. Tony: All right. All right. Stop. Put me down. Michael: We've almost got it. Push it! Push it! Tony: Let me go! Michael: I'm right in your crack! Tony: Put me down right... Michael: Up and over. Tony: Put me down! Michael: Up and over. Tony: Put me down right now! Michael: You've got it. Tony: I'VE HAD ENOUGH! Michael: You've got it, you've got it. Tony: PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW or else! Michael: Whoa Whoa Whoa! Okay. Dwight: Hey, hey. Easy. Michael: Easy. Tony: I'm sorry! Michael: Don't... Tony: It's just not going to work for me. Michael: What... Tony: I have to go. Michael: I don't understand. Tony: I was on the fence about this and... it's just not a good fit. Michael: Well, we'll squeeze you in. Tony: I can't work here. I have to quit. Michael: You can't quit! On the first day. That's [deep voice] heresy, my friend! [regular voice] Okay, let's talk about this. What happened? I mean, what... Was it Toby? Did he say something? Cause he's... what? Tony: No. Toby was helpful. He was very kind. It's just your management style. Michael: My management style? So... didn't you think 'Lazy Scranton' was funny? Tony: No. Was it supposed to be funny? Michael: Okay. Well, don't bother quitting because you're fired. Tony: Excuse me? Michael: You are fired! I'm sorry, but we don't have quitters on this team! Just clean out your desk! Tony: But there's nothing in my desk except coupons. Michael: Don't try to apologize to me, man! It's too late. Just get out! Take your bad vibes with you. Dwight: That was my advice. Remember? I'm the one who suggested that you fre him. Michael: Probably the best advice you ever gave me, Dwight. Dwight: And what advice has Andy given to you today that you have acted on? Would 'none' be an accurate estimate? None advice? [whispers] fre Andy. fre. Andy. Andy: Dwight may have won the battle. But I will win... the next battle. Hannah: Tony was right. This environment is dysfunctional. Angela: Maybe that's because some people treat it like their own private Hooters strip club. Michael: Whoa, Angela! Hold on. Hooters is a restaurant. With over 400 locations worldwide. Stanley: Back to work. We don't have to get along. We just have to work together. Michael: No. We do have to get along. Can't we all just get along? Or have we forgotten the words of the Reverend King. Michael: The word merger comes from the word marriage. And that was what today was supposed to be. The loving union between people. Instead, it has become like when my Mom moved in with Jeff. And once again, it becomes my job to fix it. Michael: Hey! Hey, everybody! Something happened! Those guys from Vance Refrigeration, they let the air out of our tires. Dwight: What! Michael: Yeah! They punk'd us! They punk'd us good! Come on. Come on! Karen: Does Bob Vance work for Vance Refrigeration? Jim: Does he ever. Michael: Man, they got us so bad. We cannot let them get away with this. We have got to pull together as one and steal their refrigerators. Dwight: YEAH! Michael: Yeah. Toby: I don't... I don't think we can do that. Michael: Go home, Toby. Just... Martin: Hey! Why doesn't your car have a flat tire? Michael: Why? I will tell you why. Because they saved the worst for me. They put a hate note under my windshield wiper. Check this out. It's so hateful. [reads note] "You guys SUCK! You can never pull together as one and revenge us. That is why you SUCK!" Hannah: For crying out loud. Michael: No. No, no, no. No. You are falling for it. You're playing right into their hands. This is just what they want you to do. Don't, oh... Martin: [to Stanley] What's up with this guy? Stanley: Got an hour? I'll try to explain. Michael: THIS IS EGREGIOUS! This is egregious! Stanley: Trust me. It only gets worse. Martin: Is he always like this? Ryan: Sometimes he brings more costumes. Hannah: When do people work? Phyllis: Oh, we find little times during the day. Karen: How are we going to get home? Phyllis: Bob Vance has an air pump. He said he'd fill all our tires up. Karen: Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration. Michael: See that? Mission accomplished. Like a bunch of fourth graders. Sometimes, what brings the kids together is hating the lunch lady. Although that'll change. Because, by the end of the fourth grade, the lunch lady was actually the person I hung out with the most. [answers phone] Jell-o! Jan: Michael! Michael: Hi, Jan! Jan: Did you fre Tony Gardner when he was trying to quit? Michael: I did. Major personnel crises averted. Compliment accepted. Jan: Do you realize, Michael, that we now have to pay him severance? Michael: Yes. Jan: You do? Michael: But do you realize that that was actually Dwight's idea? Bad advice from my Number Two. Jan: What? No. No. No, Jim is your Number Two. Michael: What? Jan: He's the only one who has worked with both groups. I sent you a memo about this. Michael: Yes, I know that. For, I do read the memos. Michael: So after a great deal of thought and introspective-shun, I have decided to make Jim my new Number Two. Dwight: If he even wants it. It doesn't come with a pay raise. Jim: Yeah, it does, actually. Dwight: So who will be your new Number Three? Michael: Uh... that I have not decided yet. Andy: Michael, I would just like to say you have handled this entire situation with great aplomb. Michael: Thank you, Andy. That's... very kind. Thanks. Dwight: And I have to say your leadership... Michael: Shut it... Dwight: has brought... Michael: Shut it! That's... [whispers to camera] suck up! Jim: [talking on cellphone] Hey! Where you at, Filippelli? Karen: [off camera] I'm at the grocery store buying a corkscrew to give myself a lobotomy. Jim: [laughs] What's wrong? You didn't have a good first day? Karen: Oh my god! Hey! You want to meet at Cooper's in an hour? I need a drink. Jim: Yeah. Sure. Sounds good. I... . [sees Pam in rearview mirror] Hey! You know what? Can I give you a call right back? Karen: Yeah. Jim: Ok, thanks. Karen: Ok. Jim: Hey. Pam: Hey! Jim: I thought you had already... left. Pam: Uh... no. I just uh had some other stuff I had to do. Jim: Oh... Good. Pam: What's up? Jim: Oh, nothing. I just feel bad. I feel like things were a little weird today... or something. Pam: What do you mean? Jim: I just think I should tell you that... I've sort of started seeing someone. And uh... Pam: Oh. That's totally cool. You can do whatever you want. Jim: O..ok. Um..good. Pam: We're friends. We'll always be friends. Jim: Right. Pam: It's good to have you back. Jim: Yeah. Good to be back. Meredith: Where'd you get that salad? Kevin: Staples. Andy: Saw your dorkmobile in the parking lot. What does it get, like four miles to the gallon? Dwight: Uh, try double that. Classic TransAm, vintage American muscle. Please. Andy: Yeah, my Xterra's pretty sweet. Luxurious, yet rugged. Leave it to the Japanese. Dwight: Xterra's not even a real word. Andy: Actually, it is. It's Latin for "earth." Dwight: Oh, so you drive an X-Earth? Andy: Yeah. Dwight: That makes sense. I'd rather drive a classic TransAm than an XEarth. Andy: Yeah, I bet you would. Oh, by the way, 1985 called. It wants its car back. Dwight: Well I hope 1985 has a time machine 'cause I drive an 87. Andy: Oh, speaking of time machines, I just got back from the future and I went to your funeral and, guess what, nobody came. Dwight: Speaking of funerals, why don't you go ahead and go die. Andy: Oh, that was a really well constructed sentence. You should be an English professor at Cor-not University. Dwight: Idiot! Andy: If I were an idiot, I'd be driving a TransAm. Dwight: If you were driving a TransAm, you would be the smartest idiot in the whole world. Andy: [coughs word] Idiot! Dwight: [coughs sentence] You're the idiot! Andy: [coughs sentence] Nice comeback! Dwight: [coughs sentence] I was making fun of your comeback! That's why it worked. [talks normally to camera] Totally got the best of that interchange.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x08 - The Merger"}	foreverdreaming
Pam: Ohhhh! She's absolutely adorable! Hannah: He. Pam: ...Oh, sorry. He's--he's dressed all in pink. Hannah: That's his favorite color. Pam: ...Oh. That's... fun for him. Stanley: Fantastic. Michael: Ohhh, wow. Look at that. How cute. Hannah: Thank youuu. Michael: Ohh. May I? Hannah: Uh, sure! Michael: [climbs under desk] Hey, look at me, I'm a baby! I'm one of those babies from "Look Who's Talking." What am I thinking? [Laughs] Look at all those staplers! What's a stapler!? I don't even know, I'm a baby! Hey, Mom, I'm thirsty! I'm thirsty, Mama! I want some milk. And you know where milk comes from! Breasts. Karen: Hey. Jim: Hey. Karen: ...Almost done? Jim: Just about... yup. Now. Jim: Yes. I have started to see Karen. It's very new, and... not really ready to talk about it openly yet, just because, I think, once the word gets out there, it might affect the way people behave around us or... I dunno. Just, not yet. Michael: Yeah, Jan, it um... looks like a check, piece of paper of some sort. Receipt. I don't know. Angela: Jan, this is Angela Martin from accounting. Jan: [over phone] Mmhmm. Angela: Look, we have a rebate from... the Federal Work Opportunity Program and no one knows what that means. Jan: We get that money for hiring an ex-convict. Michael: I didn't hire an ex-convict. Unless they mean Toby. Convicted rpist. [Jan sighs] ... I'm just kidding. Jan: When did the check come? Angela: Last week. Jan: Okay, that's when the branches merged, so Josh must have been taking advantage of this program. Smart move. Angela: One of the Stamford people is a criminal? Michael: Hey Jan, speaking of Stamford, Hannah brought in her baby. Angela: Jan, which one of the new employees is a criminal? Jan: Uh, reformed convict, and, uh, I'm not sure. Though hang on, let me email our HR, stay on the line. Pam: [whispering] Who is it? Michael: Hannah? Kevin: Hmm. Angela: Hmm. Kevin: Andy. Angela: Andy? Kevin: Hmm. Martin? Michael: Kuhhhh... you are such a rcist. Kevin: Wait, why am I a rcist? Michael: Because you think he's black. Kevin: He is black... right? And... Michael: Stop it. Stop it right-stop it right now. Jan: ...Okay it's someone named Martin Nash. Kevin: Yeah! Jan: Michael? Michael: Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice. Like a white guy... who went to prison for... polluting a black guy's lake. Kevin: I wonder what he did. Michael: In our society, a black man can be arrested for almost anything. He was probably at a sporting event and... saw some people pushing each other, and he intervened. Pam: Why would anyone go to jail for that? Michael: Sssssso, what we need to do... is to forget about this whole Martin in prison thing. People will draw unfair conclusions about Martin and or black people. Kevin: Cool. Pam: Okay. Angela? Angela: Sure. Let's protect the convicts. At the expense of the general feeling of safety in the workplace. As a 90-pound female that sits in an ill-lit, rarely-visited corner of the office, naturally I agree with that. Michael: Good. All right. [everyone leaves] Jim: [picks up phone] Jim Halpert. Andy: [over phone] I am so horny. Jim: ...Okay I can't... help you... with that. Andy: Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna. Tell me about that Indian chick, Kelly. She seems pretty slutty. Good for a romp in the sack. Jim: She is dating Ryan, I think. Andy: Oh, and I care why? Jim: She's... high-maintenance. Andy: Next. How about... [motions toward Angela]. Blondes are more fun. C'mon, trust me on that. Jim: Yeah, trust me, that would be fun for no one. Andy: Okay fine. Um. Pam, the receptionist. Paaam. Should I go for it? Jim: ...Absolutely you should. Andy: Jackpot. Michael: Just... try to be cool. Dwight: I am cool. Michael: Okay, are you cool, really? Dwight: I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm so cool. Tell me what is going on. Michael: Um... Martin, from Stamford, was, at one time, in prison. [Dwight starts to run] No. Dwight! Be cool! Be cool! Dwight: I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals. Andy: All... righty, let's get started. What is she into? Jim: I know Pam pretty well. I know the things that she likes, and, just as important, I know the things that she hates. So, one of the things that she likes is pranks. And, the things that she hates... Jim: Frisbee-based competitions... Andy: Are you kidding? Jim: She... Andy: I started the main Frisbee golf club at Cornell. Where I went to college. I live to frolf. Jim: Lead off with that. She loves hunting. She also loves those ads for Six Flags, with the old guy. [Andy hums Six Flag ad] Got it. Also... do you speak pig latin? Michael: Hey Martin, how's it going? Martin: Good. Getting settled, you know? Michael: Ah. Good good. Good. Just a second. Everybody? May I have your attention please? I realize that a lot of you have already heard that Martin here has had some trouble with the law, but I just want to declare publicly that I... trust... him, completely, and that anybody who doesn't is an ignorant, dumb... person. Okay? As a matter of fact, you show me a white man you trust and I will show you a black man that I trust even more. Pam. Tell me a white person you trust. Pam: My dad. Michael: ...Danny Glover. [Jim raises hand] Yeah. Jim: Jonas Salk. Michael: Who? Jim: Justin Timberlake? Michael: Oh. Please. Colin Powell. Karen: Hey I got one. Michael: Yup. Karen: Jesus. Michael: Apollo Creed. Michael: Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What's he wearing? Nothing special, baseball cap on backwards, baggy pants... he says something ordinary like... 'yo, thats shizzle.' Okay. Now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you. Martin: So... you all wanna know what I was in for? Michael: No. That's not cool. You don't have to tell them. Martin: Um, I really don't mind. It was a stupid mistake. I was working in finance and, I... got involved in some insider trading. So, I spent a little time in the clink. Michael: [laughs] That is awesome. Kevin: I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for, because... it sounds an awful lot like what I do here every day. Pam: What was prison like? Martin: Not terrible. Boring. We do the same thing every day. But... at least we got outdoors time. Kevin: You got outdoors time? Martin: Two hours, every day. Sometimes we'd play pickup football games... Kevin: Michael, why don't we get outdoors time? Pam: Yeah, some days I never go outside. Michael: Well, we are running a business, so. Meredith: What was your cell like? Martin: Not good. Uh... a little bit bigger than Michael's office... but, you know, I really only slept there. You know, during the day, there-our time's our own. They had uh, classes, I took some... watercolor classes. Pam: They have art classes? Martin: Yeap. Yeah. Ryan: They have business classes there? Martin: They did, taught by some uh, Harvard business school guys--a lot of the guys also, that were in the class, the inmates, a lot of them have gone on to do extraordinary things in business. Pam: Kinda sounds like... prison's... better than Dunder-Mifflin. Michael: Ah. Well. That's not true. Kevin: I would so rather be in prison. Ryan: Prison sounds great. Michael: No you would not. Michael: This place is not prison. It's... way better than prison. Creed: [singsong voice] Baby. Hello baby. Here you want to play with this? Karen: You can't give paperclips to a baby. He could swallow. Creed: Oh, it's okay. I've got tons of them. You like that? Goo-goo-goo-goo? Andy: Pam-a-lama-ding-dong. Listen, you're cute. There is no gettin' around it. So... I don't know if you like country music, but I was thinking maybe one of these days we could drive out to a field, crank up some tunes, smoke a few Macanudos... maybe even toss a disk around. Utway ooday ooyay inkthay, Ampay? Pam: Wow... I-- Andy: Shh. Think about it. I'll ht you back. Pam: Wow. That was... wow. Michael: Okay! Listen up everybody! Um, you guys said that prison was better than this place, and I heard ya, loud and clear, so, I am instituting some changes to make this more like prison. We are going to start with an hour of outdoor time. So let's go! Pam: Michael, it's freezing out. Phyllis: I can't feel my toes. Michael: Why don't we... pump some iron? Anyone wanna... pump up? Jim: What is that, like... five pounds? Michael: It's uh... two and a half. I'm not going for bulk, I'm going for tone. Stanley: I'm going back inside. Michael: Yeah, it's... freaking cold out here. Anybody wants to stay out, you've got about... twenty-seven minutes of rec time. Michael: Oh heyyy. Martiiin. You have TV in the joint? Martin: Yeah, in the rec room. Michael: Ah. A ten inch black and white? Martin: Actually, our TV was bigger than that one. Michael: These people don't realize how lucky they are. This office is the American Dream. And they would rather be in the hole. Jim: Oh. Andy. I thought of one last tact you can take with Pam. Andy: Yeah. Jim: Quick question - do you play the guitar? Andy: I play the banjo. Jim: Hold on, let me think about that, yes, that'll work. But can you sing in a sexy high falsetto voice? Andy: [singing] You know I can, my man. Jim: Yup. That's perfect. Karen: Hey. Jim: Hey. Andy: I'm gonna go get my banjo out of my car. Jim: Perfect. Karen: What is going on? Jim: ...I'm messing with Andy. I'm sending him to all the women in the office with... just... terrible information on how to get them to go out with him. Karen: I love it. I want in. Who's the target? Jim: ...Oh, you know what? ... It was... gonna be Pam, but... Karen: Perfect. What do I do? Just give me an assignment. Jim: Uh, you know what though? I feel like I already sicked him on Pam... we'll give her a break. Let's think of someone else. Michael: All right everybody, there has been a lot of name calling against our office today. Corporate maligning, slurring, much of it coming from one of you, who claims that prison is better... than... here. And none of can say "Boo" because none of us have ever been to prison. Well, there's somebody I'd like you to meet. Somebody else who has been to prison, who can tell you what it is really like [puts on bandanna]. I'm prison Mike! You know why they call me prison Mike?! Angela: Do you really expect us to believe you're somebody else? Michael: Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, beeyotch?! [employees protest] All right, hey, hey, hey, hey, that's just the way we talk in the clink. Been a lot of fun talk about prison today, but I am here to scare you straight. I AM HERE TO SCARE YOU STRAIIIGHT!! In prison you are somebody's bitch. Oh, and you. [points to Ryan] You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball. Don't drop the soap! Don't drop the soap! Ryan: Michael, please. [Michael makes kissing noises] Jim: Where... did you learn all of this? Michael: Internet. Jim: So, not prison. Michael: And prison. Eh, fifty-fifty, both. Look, prison stinks, is what I'm saying. It's not like you can go home, and, recharge your batteries, and come back in the morning and, be with your friends, having fun in the office. Jim: What'd you do, Prison Mike? Michael: I stole. ... And I robbed. And I kidnapped... the... president's son. And held him for ransom. Jim: That is... quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike. Michael: And I nevah got caught, neither. Jim: Well, you're... in... prison, but, mmhmm. Pam: Prison Mike? What was the food like in prison? Michael: Gruel. Sandwiches. Gruel omelettes. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair. Andy: Wow. Prison sounds horrible. Michael: Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you, Andy. t*nk. Dwight: Prison Mike. What's the very very worst thing about prison? Angela: Don't encourage him, Dwight. Michael: The worst thing about prison was the... was the Dementors. They... were flying all over the place, and they were scary. And they'd come down, and they'd suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt! Karen: Demen-Dementors like in Harry Potter? Michael: No, not Harry Potter. ... There are no movies in prison. This is my point! You guys got it soft, and cushy! This place is freaking awesome! The people are awesome! Your boss is nice! Everyone seems to get along! People are tolerant! People who... have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves! Nobody is nobody's bitch. I hope that this scared you. And from me, Prison Mike, to you, I just wanna thank you for listening to me. Letting me be a part of your life today. 'Cause you got a good life! YOu got a good life. A good life. [turns around, takes bandanna off] So. What do you think? It doesn't sound so great, does it? Pam: Wow. Thank you. Um, that must have been hard for you to relive that. Both of you. Martin: Yeah, that... wasn't really... at all my experience. There were certain elements of what you performed, I've seen on television. But it didn't remind me of my time in prison. Michael: Okay. Okay, fine. You guys think prison is so great? All right. Well, here you go. [locks employees in conference room] Jim: Okay, Michael. Come on. Let us out. Michael: No! If you think is prison is so wonderful, then, enjoy prison! They are such babies. I am going to leave them in there until they can appreciate what it's like to have freedom. And if this doesn't bother them, then I am out of ideas. Kevin: [knocking on door] Hey! Let us out of here! Hey! I have-- Hannah: Shh! Toby: [answering phone] This is Toby. Hey Pam. Where are you calling from? Toby: Michael. Why's everyone locked in the conference room? Michael: They were very disrespectful to me, and to the office. And Martin has had a bad influence, to think that I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Toby: Well, you're going to have to let 'em out. Or... or I will. Michael: Okay. You know what Toby? I am teaching them a lesson, so. Toby: You know they're teasing you. I mean... obviously, this is... a much nicer place than an actual prison. We get paid to be here. We go home afterwards and have social lives. We have... we have parties here. They're teasing you. To be funny. Michael: [unlocks door] Okay nutcases, get out of there! Good work. Long day. Really long. Why don't you guys head home. Early. Time off for good behavior! Heh. Good job. Enjoy your freedoms! Michael: Martin went from being a new guy from Stamford... to a convict, to... my friend. Back to a convict. Then to... a kind of a nuisance, actually, to be completely honest. And finally, to... a quitter. And I will not miss him. And that is not because he is black. Andy: [singing] So we've been told, and some choose to believe it, I know they're wrong, wait and see, 'cause one day we'll find it, the ainbowray onnectionkay, the lovers, the dreamers, and meeee...	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x09 - The Convict"}	foreverdreaming
Jim: All right, let's get started. Umm... Oh, first off, we're supposed to be pushing cardstock this week. So... let's push cardstock this week. Uh, also... [to Dwight] what is this? Dwight: Tape recorder. Jim: For what? Dwight: For recording. Michael is on vacation and he's asked me to record all meetings and to type up the transcripts. Jim: OK. Uh, Karen, any news from that law firm? Karen: Yeah, the deal closed yesterday, it's the six month commitment. Jim: Oh my God, Dwight, what're you doing? Dwight: What? Jim: You're not allowed to take off your pants in the middle of the office. Dwight: I'm not. Jim: Dwight, you know what, just back up, okay, that's making me uncomfortable. This is sexual harassment, by the way. Oh my God! He's got a Knfe! Dwight: I do not have a Knfe! Jim: No, let the record show that Dwight K. Schrute is now completely nude and is holding a plastic Knfe to Stanley's neck?! Dwight: [leans into tape recorder] Let the record show that Jim Halpert is a liar! Jim: [picks up tape recorder and speaks into it] Dwight Schrute is now wearing a baby's bonnet. Dwight: Give me it. I am not. Phyllis: Oh, Jim Carrey just walked in! Dwight, get his autograph for Michael quickly... Dwight: Jim Carrey did not just walk in, OK. Karen: Dwight, what is that on your stomach? Is that a Muppet Babies tattoo? Jim: Oh my God, Karen, you're right, that is Animal from the Muppet Babies. Dwight: You can't see... You can't see my stomach. Andy: I am now chopping off Phyllis' head with a chainsaw! ... Rin-in-in-in-in-in! Michael: Hey, mon! Pam: Hey. You have a bunch of messages and... [sees Michael shaking head with beads in hair] that's nice. Hannah quit while you were gone. I guess she memo-ed to file some complaints she had about being a working mother? And so you might also have to be deposed. Michael: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Relax. Pam: OK. Michael: Just relax, OK? I'll get to all of it later. Pam: It's kind of serious. Michael: Aren't you going to ask me how Jamaica was? Say it. Ask me. Pam: How was Jamaica? Michael: It was so good. Oh, Hey mon! At Sandals, Jamaica, when somebody says "Hey mon," everybody says "Hey mon" back. Stanley: Oh, Michael, I'm glad you're here. Michael: Stanley. You know what? It is really good to see you, too. Stanley: My bonus check was a hundred dollars less than you promised. Michael: OK, well payroll is in charge of all that. Stanley: They said I should talk to you. Michael: Well, I am just getting settled in. So, I'm gonna... Stanley: I am not doing a lick more work until I get my full bonus check. Michael: You are not as much fun as your Jamaican brothers... mon. Jim: You want to talk about it? Karen: Nope. Karen: I still haven't found an apartment yet. I'm living in a hotel. Yesterday, I saw a "for rent" sign down the street from Jim and he said he didn't think it'd be such a good idea. He said it would be like we were living together. In different houses. Two blocks away. Michael: Feelin' hot, hot, hot! [playing conch shell] Feelin' hot, hot, hot! Feelin' hot, hot, hot! Feelin' hot, hot, hot! That's all I know so far, but I'm gonna keep practicing. Pam: That's good. [Michael continues to play conch shell] Michael: You know, I had never been out of the country before now? Pam: Huh. Michael: Got to see how Jamaicans live. It is great, you know. They just relax, they party all the time. Pam: It's kind of an impoverished country. Michael: Yeah... Gosh. Great. You know what, Pam? Make a note. I want us all to start having pina coladas every day at three. Pam: But you can't today, we're doing inventory. Michael: Inventory's at the end of December. Pam: We couldn't do it without you, so we postponed. Michael: I specifically went on vacation so I would miss it. Michael: Inventory is boring. In the islands, they don't make you do stuff like take inventory. Why do you think so many businesses move to the Caymans? Michael: Tonight, we are going to have an inventory luau. I want to bring back a little slice of paradise to the Dunder Mifflin warehouse inventory. So, Party Planning Committee, get on it. Angela: By the end of the day? That's impossible. Michael: The Jamaicans don't have a word for "impossible." Jim: Yep, it's English, it's "impossible." Angela: Michael, there's no way we can do it in time. Michael: How hard is a luau? All you need are some grass skirts, pineapple, poi, tiki torches, suckling pig, some fre dancers. That's all you need. Michael: Come on in. Settle in. Settling. Settling... and settled. Good, there is something I would like to show everybody. See this sign? [points to a TV monitor of a picture from Jamaica and reads] "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem." This is an attitude I would like all of you to have right here. So what, if we have to stay late to do inventory? No problem. Pam: Oh my God. Is that Jan? [points to same monitor] Everybody: What? Where? Pam: On the left. Everybody: Oh yeah, oh my God. Michael: No, no, no. No, that's a German woman named Urkel Grue. Michael: Jan told me to play it cool and not tell anybody because it can get us both in trouble. So officially, I did not see her. But I did see Jan there. In our room. At night. And in the morning. That's all I'm gonna say. Sex. We had sex. I had sex with her. I had sex with Jan. Michael: [on phone] Hey dude. I just got back from Jamaica. Packer: Big whoop! I was in Hot-lanta. That whole town is whacked. Michael: Yeah, that sounds amazing. You know what? The lady Jan Levinson wanted to go to Montego Bay. Packer: You took the ice queen? I don't buy it. Michael: Well I'm looking at a photo, right now. And I'm telling 'ya, could be in Maxim. Packer: They wouldn't give you a subscription to Maxim. Michael: Oh no? Packer: No. Michael: OK. Well, check this out. I am sending you some email. You got it? Packer: Well, no. I got nothing. Michael: Check it again. ht refresh. Packer: Yeah, Mike, still nothing. Michael: OK, wait a second. I sent it to you at... [reading computer screen] [email protected]. [email protected]. Uh oh. Packer: Wait, I just got it from somebody else. Wow. This is hot. Damn! How do I get you out of this picture? Michael: Darryl?! Hey. Hi. Where's Darryl? Roy: He's in the office. Michael: OK, Hey, man, how's it going? Darryl: All right, what's up Mike? Michael: That's great, OK. Um, so did you get an email from me? Darryl: Yup. Michael: OK. Well, that was supposed to go to Packer, not "packaging." Did you already, um, forward to a whole bunch of people? Darryl: Uh huh. Michael: OK. Um, well, did you get the second email that I sent? Explaining that the first email was a mistake and that you should delete it. Darryl: Yup. Michael: And you sent that out to everyone? Darryl: Mike, I'm very busy down here. [eats chicken] Jim: Yikes. Kevin: Already sent it to you my friend. Jim: Fantastic. Andy: Boring. Call me if she rolls over. Pam: Hey. Jim: Hey. Pam: You OK? Jim: Yeah. Pam: You sure? Jim: Yeah. Yes. Um, I'm just in this, like, stupid fight with Karen. Pam: Oh. You want to talk about it? Jim: Really? Michael: I have a special assignment for you. Dwight: Who's the target? Michael: A sensitive email has been released to the office. It contains a file, a picture. The file name is "Jamaican Jan Sun Princess." Dwight: What's it of? Michael: Not important. Dwight: Unless you're willing to tell me everything, I cannot accept this assignment. Michael: OK, forget it. Dwight: OK, I accept it. Jim: So, I dunno, I just feel likes we've been dating a month, right? Same street. I think that might be a little close. A little much. Pam: Hmm. Jim: Hmm, what? Pam: How far away does she live now, like ten minutes? Jim: Yeah, I guess. Pam: Honestly, I think you should go easy on her. Pam: No, I didn't mind helping Jim with his problem. That's what friends do. I help Phyllis all the time. Just yesterday, I untangled a piece of tape from her hair. So, yeah. Jim: Hey, thanks a lot. Pam: Oh, don't worry about it. I mean, it's better than listening to Michael play a conch shell... which is what I was doing. Oh, also, Michael went to Jamaica with Jan! Jim: Oh, yeah, How have we not talked about this already? I mean what happened there? Kidnapping? [both start laughing] Toby: Hey I need to talk to you right now. Michael: Not now, not ever. Toby: About you and Jan. Michael: Aww, none of your business. Toby: Wish it were true, but it, it uh, seems from that photo that you took, you've entered into an intimate relationship. Michael: That photo is my personal property and if you are telling me you went on my computer and stole that photo, then I am going to call the cops. Toby: Michael, nine different people emailed me that photo, including my ex-wife... we don't talk now. Michael: This is probably the icebreaker you need. Toby: You know, for your own protection, you should disclose the relationship to HR. Michael: I bet you would love all the details, wouldn't you? Skeevy little perv. Toby: All right, if you're having a relationship with your superior, you must disclose it. Michael: No, no, no. I am not dating Jan. She was very clear about that. Just two like souls having a romantic time in the most romantic place on earth. Got enough, weirdo? Toby: All right, thanks Michael. Michael: OK. Angela: OK, we only have three hours people to plan a whole luau, and you're not helping. Karen: What are the ingredients of poi? Phyllis: I called every grocery store in Scranton, and no one sells whole pigs. Angela: Did you try the petting zoo? Pam: [on phone] Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Just a second. Michael, it's Jan on the phone for you. Michael: Oh, God, no. No, no! Hang up! Hang up! Tell her I'm not here. Tell... tell her, I ran out for cash. I ht a deer. I ht a deer with my car. Tell her I ht a cat. Tell her I ht a cat. Pam: He'll call you back. OK, great. Michael: She bought it? [Pam nods] OK. OK. Dwight: [to Jim and Ryan] Michael ht a deer? Dwight: Michael! Michael! [pokes head through blinds in Michael's office] There's an emergency in the warehouse. Michael: There an accident? Somebody hurt? Dwight: No, it's... involves the photograph. Michael: Oh. God. No, no, no, no, no. Roy: [starts clapping] Mike, you are a rock star, man. You are the man! Well done. Michael: All right. [continued clapping and cheering for Michael] Roy: That corporate booty, he likes to h*t it! Michael: Hello. Hi. Attention everyone. Um, apparently, there is an email circulating around that contains a very PG-13 rating picture of me and a woman--- Kevin: Jan. Michael: No, Kevin. A woman. Maybe Jan, maybe... Jim: Urkel Grue. Michael: My point is that, if you get it, I would ask that you just delete it. Sight unseen. Let's be professional, all right? Michael: Feelin'... feelin' hot, hot, hot! [plays conch shell] Pam: Hey. Michael: Hey. Pam: What are you doing out here? Michael: Island living. You know? Pam: Jan called. She's coming in later to talk to you. Michael: Did she say what it's about? Pam: That's all she said. Andy: Ole ole - ole ole... Ole ole - ole ole. People in the party - hot hot hot [playing conch shell] Jim: Uh, I think you dropped this [hands over piece of paper] Karen: You sure? Jim: Definitely. Dwight: I have disconnected the office T1 line. I have ordered that that [referring to large picture of Michael and Jan in Jamaica on the wall] be taken down and destroyed all print outs from the bathroom. Michael: There are copies in the bathroom? Dwight: There were. A lot of them. Michael: All right. Karen: I think I owe you one. Pam: Sorry? Karen: For talking sense into Halpert. The Day's Inn room 228 was starting to get really depressing. Pam: Oh, yeah, no. Don't worry about it. I mean, he was being ridiculous. Karen: Yeah, but... thanks. Seriously. Pam: Sure. Darryl: Oh, yes! Yes! What'd I tell you? I knew he'd turn up [holds up an iPod inside speakers] You see that? This is the greatest night of my life. Dwight: Who did this to you? [refers to Pam crying] Where is he? Pam: What? No, it's not... it's nothing. Dwight: [takes off coat to tie around waist] It's hot in here. Pam: Yeah. Dwight: Yeah. Pam: [Dwight hands out handkerchief] Thanks. You don't need to stay here. Dwight: I know. [puts arm around Pam who continues to cry] So you're PMSing pretty bad, huh? Jan: Hello everyone. Hello Michael. Michael: Guh. Kevin: Hi Jan, you look... tan. Jan: I was in Scottsdale visiting my sister. Kevin: Yeah. How was it? Jan: Very sunny. Family's important. Michael, I would like to speak with you, in your office. Michael: OK, yup. Jan: Why am I here, Michael? Michael: I... Jan: In the last year, I've gone through a divorce, an identity theft, a husband who would not... communicate. This is nether here or there. My psychiatrist thinks that I have some self-destructive tendencies and that for once, I should indulge them. You following me? Michael: I... I... Yes. Jan: I think I owe it to myself to find some kind of happiness, you know? I mean, even, even if it means... lowering my expectations or, or redefining the word, itself. Michael: OK, yeah. Jan: This is the kind of thing, you know? I am... attracted to you. I, I don't know why, I... but, I am. And, I need to follow my instincts. At least that's what Dr. Perry thinks. Michael: Who is Dr. Perry? I... Jan: This is the point, OK? You're wrong for me. In... In... every way. But I still find myself wanting to... be with you. Michael: And I, to you, in addition, feel the same feelings that you are as well. Jan: Good, good. Michael: So, umm... thanks for coming by. So, I, uh... Jan: Well, good, OK. Thank you... for taking the time... Michael: Well thanks for coming over, I appreciate - [Jan leans over and kisses Michael passionately] Jan: Wait 15 minutes, find an excuse, and meet me at your condo. Michael: Jan, you... complete... me. Jan: Oh, God. Roy: Hey, remember when we were planning our honeymoon and you wanted to go to Hawaii and I wanted to go to Mexico? Pam: Yeah. Roy: I was definitely right. [both laugh] Oh, brother. Kevin: What am I going to do? [Refers to large pictures of Jan and Michael] I'm gonna hang it up at home. I don't have a lot of art. [smirks]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x12 - Back from Vacation"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: Jim, could you come in here please? Harvey: Hi, Jim. Jim: Hello. Harvey: I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks. Michael: Sorry, oh wow, that's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him. Jim: Yeah, you can. Michael: You know what? Get Pam. Jim: For this? Michael: Pam. Harvey: Pam, you look very hot today. Jim: Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend. Pam: Great. Harvey: Me so horny. Me love you long tim. Michael: Oh, that is gross. Pam: Who is 'Long Tim'? Michael: Damn it. Harvey: Long time. Me lobe yoy long time. Jim: Oh well, 'Yoy' should bring in 'Long Tim' in one day. Shouldn't he? Pam: I would love to meet Long Tim. Jim: Yeah. Right? Pam: Yeah. Harvey: You ruined a funny joke, you. Get out of my offive. Jim: Ok. Pam: Ok. Bye Harvey. Harvey: Boobs. Kevin: Angela. Angela: What? Kevin: That was a voicemail that corporate left last night. They did not get our tax forms. Did you send them? Angela: They arrived this morning. Kevin: Are you sure? It is a big deal. Angela: Is it a big deal? Is it Kevin? Kevin: ... Do you really not know? Because it is a big deal. Andy: Five of us transferred from Stamford. There are two of us left. Me and Karen. It's like we are touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I am not falling in a chocolate river. Angela: Everything ok? [Takes candy from Pam's desk] Dwight: Everything is fine. You are in the clear. Angela: Thank you. [Puts candy back] I... I don't want those. Michael: Dwight, care to join us, finally? Thank you. Andy: Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael? Michael: Yes. Ok, here is the dream team. My sales dream team. Today we are going to team up for sales calls. Andy, since this was your idea, you get to pick first. Andy: Hmmm, well... let me think about this for a minute. Oh, I don't know. Michael Scott. Michael: Oh. Andy: Ph. D. Doctor of Sales. Michael: Well, I appreciate that. That is very gracious of you. Andy: Well, it is very gracious of you to accept. Michael: Well, thank you sir. Ok, now going by seniority. Phyllis, our resident senior. Phyllis: We're the same age and I'll pick... Karen. Karen: Oh, uh, thanks. Michael: Good. Next up, Superfly himself, Stanley. Stanley: Pass. Michael: You can't pass. You've got to pick somebody. Stanley: ... I'll take the kid. Ryan: I am very flattered. I was his second choice after "Pass." Michael: So that just leaves Dwight and Jim. Dwight: Ok, wait. Does anyone want to trade? Jim: Yup. I'll trade. Jim: Dwight and I used to go on sales calls all the time. In fact, I have a picture to remember that time. Oh young Jim. There is just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot. Andy: Sebring by Chrysler. Heck of a... motor... carriage. Michael: Dwight? Dwight: Yup? Michael: Here ya go. [throws laundry] Dwight: Yeah! You want shirts on hangers? Michael: Please. Andy: He does your laundry? Michael: Long story. All right everybody, circle up. Here we go. You know what this is? This is the "Amazing Race." [To Ryan and Stanley] And you guys are the retired marines. [To Phyllis and Karen] And you guys are the mother and daughter. [To Dwight and Jim] And you guys are the gay couple. And we are the firefighter heroes. Are we ready to go? Karen: Wait, "Amazing Race" like, the biggest sale wins? Michael: No, we're just going to rush out, do the sales thing, and come back. Ryan: Is there a prize? Michael: Just bragging rights. Phyllis: Then how is this "Amazing Race"? Michael: It's just... brrrrrr... It's "Amazing Race," Phyllis. Okay? We're in teams of two and we are on a mission. All right, so, on your mark, get set, go. Let's do it. Dwight: Come on!! Phyllis: Michael. [Michael throws Phyllis' keys under the car.] Michael: Whoah, whoah. Oh hahahaha. Vamanos! Andy: Bueno. Phyllis: Do you have a pole? Karen: Let's go get a broom. Jim: Seriously? You're going to sit in the back? Dwight: Uh, yeah. It's the safest part of the car. In the event of a crash, the driver always protects his side of the car first. Michael: Here we go. Andy: In order to take down Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally, which, in this case, is Michael. Here's the good news. Every success I've ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down. Andy: What's the deal with Dwight doing your laundry? Michael: Ugh... that is a long story. Um, couple of months ago, Dwight tried to go behind my back with Jan and get my job and I am now having him do my laundry as punishment. Andy: Wow, that is a long story, but quite well told, Michael. I find it very interesting. Especially about the part Dwight going behind your back and basically, like, being a terrible person. You know if you want your laundry done right? I used to work at Abercrombie. So, pretty good folder. Angela: Hey Pam. Would you like to go with me to grab a coffee? Pam: Really? Angela: Yeah, I could use some fresh air. Might be fun. Pam: Ok. Sure. Angela: Ok. Karen: Why are we turning in here, this is a beauty salon? Phyllis: Um-hmmm. Ryan: Hey, do you mind if I take the lead on this one and then you can critique me after? Stanley: You want the lead? Ryan: Yeah, if you don't mind. Stanley: Mind? Nothing would delight me more. Dwight: Leave the keys. Jim: You still do that thing? Dwight: Leave the keys! Andy: I think you have assembled an amazing team at Scranton. It's really a pleasure to be a part of it. It's like, everyone has their own special skill, you know, just like the Superfriends. Except for Dwight, who is more like a SuperDud. I mean, he would be a Superfriend if there was a Superfriend whose super power was always being late. You know? Michael: Hawkman. Andy: My plan is taking longer than I thought but I don't give up easily. I have walked two marathons. Michael: [Walks out of the Ladies' Restroom] Let's go. The men's room was disgusting. Jim: After you sir. Dwight: No thank you, I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attcks are from the rear. Jim: Ok, well, that still leaves a 30% chance that I will attck you from the front. Dwight: Uh, yeah, but it will be easier to stop. I can always block the blow. I can counter it with... [Jim slaps Dwight] Pam: Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time. Angela: This friend of mine - let's call her Noelle - she missed this deadline turning something in to Corporate in New York. But then this gallant gentleman - we'll call him Kurt - he drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her. That's... I don't know. I guess he really just likes her a lot. Pam: That's great. Angela: Yes, it is. [Walks up to the counter where there is no employee] Hello? Michael: Hey, did you catch that up at Lake Wallenpaupack? Buyer: Yep. Michael: You know, I used to go up there all the time with my step-dad, and I never caught anything that big. Andy: Caught an eighty-pound shark off of Montauk. It's in the Hamptons. My dad's got a 42-ft Bayliner. Sniped it with a rfle from the crow's nest. Also sht a deer once. Michael: You know what? Let's get right down to it. Dunder-Mifflin may be just two rooms and a warehouse, but what we lack in flash, we will make up for with hardwork and decency. Andy: Ok, this is the classic undersell because you should know we don't work out of a log cabin. We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York. Buyer: Uh, I have to say I am a little wary with getting involved with a big company. We've had some problems in the past. Michael: I think what Andy is trying to express is that while we have the resources of a large company, we will give you the care and attention of a small company. Andy: Oh, man, that is, like, poetry. Michael: No. Andy: I swear, this guy could sell paper to a tree. Michael: Stop it. [Puts his hand on Andy's shoulder] Stop it. Andy: Ow. [ Newpeat Quote ] Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. [excited] This is Pam. I did? Andy: Oh man. Talk about your classic "Lame dash O." Do we even want that guy buying our paper? Michael: Yes. Andy: I... I'm so sorry man. I really screwed that up. Michael: Ah, no. Don't worry about it. Andy: I really 'Schruted' it. Michael: What? Andy: 'Schruted' it. It's just this thing that people say around your office all the time. Like, when you screw something up in a really irreversible way, you 'Schruted' it. I don't know where it comes from though. Do you think it comes from Dwight Schrute? Michael: I don't know. Who knows how words are formed. Phyllis: It's a big order. Thanks Kenny. Karen: Yeah, thank you. Phyllis: Hey, how's Annie? Kenny: Oh, she's great. This is us last year in Bermuda. Lovely place. You ever been to Bermuda? Julius: Stanley Hudson. Stanley: Ah, Julius, how's it goin'? Julius: Great, great, great. Guy: Stanley. Stanley: So good to see you too. I'd like you fellas to meet Ryan Howard. Ryan: Hi. Stanley: I'm gonna let Ryan do a little pitch for you while I do my crossword. Ryan? Ryan: Um... [To the Buyers] Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Julius: Hello, Ryan. What do you have for us? Ryan: Oh... Jim: We can offer our biggest discounts on 30% recycled and ultra-premium laser. Man: 'Kay. 'Kay. Dwight: Can I use your phone? Man: Yeah, sure, go ahead. Dwight: Thanks. Jim: Let me talk to you about a few of the other things we can offer. Namely, we know the tax season is coming up, so by April 1st we can have you fully stocked. Dwight: [On Phone] One... Jim: We have discount prices on ink cartridges... Dwight: Three... Jim: And, also, any forms that you are going to need... Dwight: Seven... Jim: We can custom make them. [ Newpeat Quote ] Pam: Yeah I did a watercolor of Frances Willard Elementary School for a contest they were having. They were calling with the results. And I won. I won! My painting won. So I like to thank my mom for always encouraging me. And I like to thank my dad for buying me my first set of art pencils. And I'd like to thank the sixth grade class that picked me. [ Newpeat Quote ] Pam: Hey Kev, guess what. I won an art contest today. Kevin: How much did you win? Pam: $100. Kevin: I won $400 bucks on the Celtics game last night. Pam: Cool. Congratulations. Kevin: Thanks, so sweet. Stanley: Ha ha ha! And you just said, "Hi! Hi! Hi!" Ha heh ha! You sounded like my niece, and she's six months old! Man: We'll I appreciate what you guys are saying but it, uh, makes more fiscal sense to go with one of the big guys. Dwight: Sure. Jim: Sure, that's true we can't compete with their prices. But let me ask you something. How important to you is customer service? Man: It's very. Phone: Please keep holding, your call is very important to us. Dwight: Erm, that's one of the 'Big guys.' Been on hold this whole time. Jim: [Dials cell Phone] And this is Dunder-Mifflin. Kelly: Dunder-Mifflin customer service, this is Kelly. Jim: Hey, Kelly, it's Jim. Kelly: Oh my god, Jim. How are you ? I wanted to tell you ... . [Jim hangs up] Dwight: Here is my card. It's got my Cell number, my pager number, my home number, and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don't celebrate any major holidays. Man: All right, I get it. We got a deal. Jim: Thanks. [ Newpeat Quote ] Pam: Hey, Angela. I got good news today too. I won an art contest. Angela: That's great Pam. I like having these little moments with you. You know what? Sprinkles recently had kittens. Pam: Oh. Angela: I would like to offer you the dominant male. His name is Ash. Pam: Oh? Angela: Mmm-hmm. Pam: Hmm. I don't think so. But thanks. My building manager... is... You understand. Angela: Well then. Have a nice day. Karen: Thanks. That was fun. Phyllis: Yeah, I really enjoy spending time with you. You are a very nice person. Karen: Thank you. Phyllis: I'm so glad you're with Jim. He was hung up on Pam for such a long time. Never thought he would get over her. Karen: That's nice. Phyllis: You can pay me back later for the makeover. Andy: Hey boss. Got a minute? Michael: Yes, Andy. Andy: I forget, why did Dwight say he was late this morning? Michael: He didn't say. Andy: That's weird. Because I was just walking past his desk and I saw this, which is a tollbooth receipt from New York City, stamped really early this morning. So, why would Dwight go to New York without telling anyone? Do you think he went to see Jan? That's not like him. Is it? Someone told me a story about this, with, like, laundry and betrayal. Did you betray Dwight and try to steal his job or something? Michael: No, you are remembering it wrong. Michael: Dwight betrayed me once before. So this is his strike two. You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three. Dwight: I like Karen. She's pretty and appears intelligent. Jim: Well, I like pretty women who have the appearance of intelligence. Dwight: My girlfriend is also beautiful and smart. She could be a model or a college professor which is intimidating to a lot of guys. Jim: We should go on a double date. Dwight: No thank you. Jan: Dwight's name is on the security sign-in sheet, but I don't know who he met with. And where it asks to state your business, he wrote "Beeswax. Not yours, Inc." Michael: I knew it. [Dwight and Jim walk in] Andy: Oh, doggie. Karen: Hey, do you want to grab a coffee? Jim: Sure. Look at you! Karen: Yeah. [ Newpeat Quote ] Jim: Beesley, coffee? Pam: No, thanks. I had some already. Jim: All right. Pam: Oh, but, hey, Jim. Jim: Yeah. Pam: I won an art contest today. Jim: No way! All right Pam. Congratulations. [high five] Pam: Thanks. Jim: Which one was it? Pam: I sent in one of my watercolors. Jim: Cool. Pam: It was the new one I did. Jim: Oh Karen: You ready Jim? Jim: Yeah. Can I see it when I get back? Pam: Yeah. Jim: Congratulations. Pam: Thanks. Jim: Big deal. Dwight: Hey, we nailed the sale! Michael: Where were you this morning? Dwight: I overslept. Damn rooster didn't crow. Michael: Why do you lie, liar? Dwight: I am not a liar. Michael: You are lying right now. Andy: It sure seems like he is lying. Dwight: Stay out of this, you! Michael: I know that you went to corporate this morning, and I know that you lied about it. And given our history, I need you tell me this instant exactly what you were doing. Dwight: Michael, I cannot tell you what I was doing there. But you have to trust me, I would never do anything to hurt you or this company. Michael: Ok, you know what? I want you to think about your future in this company. I want you to think about it long and hard. Dwight: That's what she said. Michael: Don't. Don't you dare. I want to know what you were doing this morning by the end of the day. Dwight: It's going to be ok. Angela: How is going to be ok, Dwight? Everyone will know our business. Dwight: That's not the worst thing in the world. I'll just stand up in front of the office and reveal our true love. It won't be that bad. Look at Kelly and Ryan. Angela: I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world. Dwight: Well, I don't have a lot of choices. Karen: So, let me ask you a question. Jim: Ok. Karen: Did you ever have a thing for Pam? Jim: Pam? Did I ever have a 'thing' for her? No, why? Did she say something? Karen: I moved here from Connecticut... Jim: Yeah. Ok, here's the ... I had a crush on her before I left. And I told her about it and she didn't feel the same way. So, it didn't amount to anything, and I left. I'm really glad you're here. 'Kay? Karen: 'Kay. Dwight: Ahem-hem-hem. May I have your attention please? This will only take a moment of your time. Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown and I will meet my new challenges head-on and I will succeed. And I will laugh in the faces of those who doubt me. It has been a pleasure working with some of you and I will not forget those of you soon but remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I am quitting. So... . Andy: Oompa-Loompa Doompity-Dawesome, Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy? No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doompity-doomp. Dwight: I would like to give the rest of my belongings to Michael Scott. Just take them. Except this. Michael: Good luck. Ryan: Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much, but, he will be missed. Angela: Dwight, from sales, was one of the most honorable and efficient employees this company has ever had. Dwight: One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered. Jim: Hey man. [Dwight hugs Jim and leaves] Karen: What happened on your sales call? Andy: Um, am I happy the way things turned out? Oh, well, happy's such an ugly word. But, um, I saw what needed to be done and I did it and now I'm thrilled. So, it's pretty... [camera had focused in on Angela watching] Hello? Pretty good.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x13 - Traveling Salesmen"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: I have left Dunder-Mifflin after many record-breaking years and am officially on the job market. And it's very exciting. Dwight: For your convenience, I've broken it down into three parts: professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and Dwight Schrute trivia. Dwight: I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me. Dwight: How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working, Alpha male, Jackhammer, Merciless, Insatiable. Dwight: There is nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon. Dwight: [in Staples uniform] I got this job to make some money while I continue my employment search. And uh, it's fine for the time being. Oops. Break's over. Andy: [to Ryan] Big Turkey. [cellphone plays "Rockin' Robin"] Jim: Is that you singing? Andy: All four parts. Recorded it on my computer. It took me forever. Jim: Nice job. Andy: Thank you muchly. [cellphone continues playing] Jim: You gonna answer it? Andy: I called it myself. I just thought you'd get a kick out of the new ring. Jim: Yikes. Andy: Side note. I'd just like to say I'm thrilled to be working directly beneath you. Jim: Thank you. Andy: I feel I have a lot to learn from you, even though you're younger and have less experience. So here's to the future... Andy and the Tuna. [sings] Andy and the tuna... Jim: I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win. Michael: Yes, Dwight Schrute has left this company. More personnel turnover. Andy: The cost of doing business. Michael: Yes, well. It is a big loss. Dwight was the top salesman... Andy: Was the top salesman... Michael: I said 'was'. Andy: [chuckles] Addition by subtraction. Michael: What does that even mean? That is impossible. Andy: Mmmm. Yeah you're right. Michael: But, there is some good news. Oscar is back. Addition by addition. So we are going to have a big party today to welcome him back and hopefully that will lift everybody's spirits. Oscar: Hey, everyone. Kevin: Oh, hello, Oscar. How was your gay-cation? Oscar: Oh, that's very funny. Kevin: Yeah? I thought of it like, two seconds after you left. Oscar: [sits at his desk] Hi, Angela. Angela: Oscar. Andy: Hey, boss. Michael: Hey, what's up. Andy: Noooothin'. Ehrrrrrrrrr. Heh. Man. TGI-Wednesday. Am I right? Michael: Yep. Andy: Gonna go home. Get my beer on. Get my "Lost" on. What are you doing later, wanna hang out? Michael: I don't know. Maybe. Andy: Well, I will take that as a maybe. [Michael gets up] Where are you going? Michael: Bathroom. Andy: Oh, well, I'm going to the kitchen, I'll walk with you. Andy: [lurking by the bathroom door] Yeah, things are going pretty good. Gettin' a lot of face time with the boss. Angela: Oscar? I have a question. Would you like to join the party planning committee? Oscar: The one of all women? Angela: Yeah. Oscar: Because I'm gay? Angela: No. No. Certain events have transpired. And I've thought about certain things. And I'm sorry for the way those certain events transpired. [starts to cry] And I would just like to make some changes about certain things and certain situations. Oscar: OK, OK, OK, all right, all right. I'll join. I'd love to. That's -- thank you. Angela: Thank you. [sniffles] Kevin: Can I join too? Angela: Never. Staples Guy: You sell those two printers this morning? Nice work. Dwight: [scoffs] Child's play. Give me something hard to sell. Michael: Wow. [walks over to the plant] What is wrong with this thing? It looks terrible. Pam: Do you want me to ask the cleaning crew if they stopped watering it? Michael: Yeah. And you know what? Ask them about the toys on my desk too. They always used to arrange them in a very pleasing way. It used to brighten my morning. Pam: Oh, that wasn't the night crew. That was Dwight. Michael: Really? That was very nice of him. We need more attitude like that around the office. Andy: Feel ya, dawg. Michael: Yeah, do you? Andy: Absolutely. Michael: What did I say? Andy: You said... [makes gibberish noises] Michael: Huh. Andy: Which is like, "Right on." And Pam was like "blah blah blah" and you were like "Yeah, psht." Nailed it. Michael: Oh, no. Andy: Oh, no. MIchael: Love that Andy, right? Solid fellow. Seems smart enough. Likes me a lot. A lot. Too much. Like a crazy person. A little. Not super crazy... just... there's something about him that creeps me out. I can't really explain it. He's always up in my bidness. Which is ebonics for "being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me." I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness. Oscar: I really have no preference. We don't even have to have a party. Michael: No, hey, hey. Don't be ridiculous. Of course we are going to have a party. A celebration of Oscar. Oscar night. And I want it to be Oscar-specific. Oscar: Michael -- Michael: No, no, no. I mean, not because you're gay. Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity. So Phyllis... I want you to go find firecrackers. And a Chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga. Oscar: Why don't you have me riding in on a donkey into the office like Pepe. Michael: Ah, a burro, of course. If Oscar wants a donkey, let's get him one. Dwight: Need any help? Lady: Oh, no, thank you. I'm just looking. Dwight: Great. I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all. Lady: Okay. [moves away] Andy: I think I could go for some tuna fish right about now. Oh, oh, got my rod here. [fake casts off] Whizzzzz. [catches Jim] Click, click, click, click, click, click, click. [Jim gets up] Cli -- ah! I got one! I got one! Ahhhh! Jim: Hey. Karen: Hey. Jim: So Andy is in rare form today. Karen: Yeah, you should not encourage him. Jim: Encourage him? I'm the victim, okay? He's fishing for me. We've got to do something. Karen: Look, I've got like fifteen new clients I inherited from Dwight and each file is password protected with a different mythical creature. So, I'm sorry. I can't. Jim: Fine. Party pooper. Michael: Who's that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv Something. Great sportscaster. Big weirdo creep. Andy: 185 pounder. Check it out. Whew! ["displays" Jim who looks thoroughly annoyed] Jim: Hey, Ryan? Ryan: What? Jim: You wanna pull a prank on Andy? Ryan: Not right now, but ask me again ten years ago. Jim: I liked you better when you were the temp. Ryan: Yeah, me too. Michael: Hey guys. How's the workload on all of Dwight's old accounts? Handling it okay? Phyllis: Sort of. He had a lot of clients. Michael: Yes, he did. Have any of you talked to Dwight? Stanley: Oh, sure, we talk all the time. Michael: Really? Stanley: No. Michael: Don't - don't do that. That's not nice. What about you, Phyllis? You and Dwight were close. Phyllis: No. Sorry. Phyllis: Dwight has a big personality and I have a big personality. And a lot of times when two people like that get together it can be explsive. Paris: Really comin' down out there. Commute's gonna be hell. Dwight: I have snow tires and chains. Plus exceptional hand-eye coordination. Paris: So um, where were you workin' before this? Dwight: Dunder-Mifflin. Paris: What kind of company is that? Dwight: [scoffs] Paper company. They're only one of Staples' top competitors in the area. Paris: I never heard of 'em. Dwight: Whoa. Really? Have you heard of paper? Paris: You gonna be like that, huh? Paris: I don't like him, his giant head, or his beady little eyes. That's all I got to say on the matter. Andy: [singing] In your he-ead, in your he-eyd-ed. Zombie. Zombie. Zombie. Ey, ey, ey, ey. In your he-eyd-ed. Jim: Would you like to pull a prank on Andy? Pam: Oh, I'm kind of in the middle of -- yes please. Jim: Okay, good. Stay right here. Andy: [after Jim knocks over his pencils] Oh. Good move, Tuna. Nice one. Jim: [hands Pam Andy's phone] Are there any messages? Pam: Nope. Jim: So weird. Pam: [takes the phone] Hmm. Michael: Nice to have Oscar back. Angela: Yeah. Andy: Large Tuna. Have you seen my cell phone device? Jim: No. Andy: Cause someone is calling right now. There is a call. Pam: Angela? Angela: Oh. [hands Pam tape] Pam: Is everything okay? Angela: No. Andy: What's going on? Jim: What are you talking about? Andy: Where is my FREAKING phone?! Jim: You know what? Maybe it's in the ceiling. Andy: Maybe you're in the ceiling! Jim: Okay. Andy: [trying to look in Phyllis's desk, she slams the drawer shut] I don't trust you, Phyllis! Angela: I wanted to let you know that Dwight was late that morning because he was driving to New York to drop off the correlated documents that I forgot to send. Though to be fair, Kevin never reminded me. Michael: Why would Dwight do that for you? I think I know why. Because Dwight loves this company. Angela: Yes. Michael: Do you think that anyone else out there would have driven to corporate for you? Angela: None of them. Especially not Andy. Michael: Pam, I have a mission to accomplish. Make sure this party gets rolling and I will be back shortly. Andy: Wait up. Where are you going? Do you want me to come with? Michael: Um. Andy: Just listen, I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bars, beers, buzzed. Wings. shts. Drunk. Waitresses, hot. Football - Cornell/Hofstra. Slaughter. Then a quick nap at my place and we'll ht the tiz-own. Michael: No. I don't want to do any of that. Andy: Duh. Which is why I was just joking about doing that. Michael: No, just stop. Stop. Stop doing it. You're going to drive me crazy. Andy: Fine. I'll just sit at my desk and be quiet. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship. [Andy's phone rings] Excuse me. And I'm also sorry that a lot of people here for some reason think it's funny to steal someone's personal property and hide it from them. Here's a little newsflash! It's not funny! In fact, it's pretty freakin' unfunny! Oh, my GOD. [punches a hole in the wall] That... was an overreaction. Gonna ht the break room. Does anybody want anything? Pam, you good? Pam: Yeah. Andy: Sure? Okay. Dwight: [to customer] Well, that question is meaningless. Just go with the copy paper. It's your funeral. See how that works out for you. Michael: Hey. Dwight: Hey. Michael: What's up? Dwight: Same old. Michael: Um. It takes a big man to admit his mistake. And I am that big man. Angela from accounting told me what you did. Dwight: Oh my God, she told you? Michael: Yes, she did. And Dwight, if you were willing to do something like that for some random co-worker, then clearly I have misjudged you from the beginning, and I apologize. Dwight: Accepted. Michael: How's this place treating you? Dwight: [scoffs] The boss isn't funny. Michael: Oh, well. Dwight: I don't get to wear my ties. Michael: No. I'm sure. Dwight: So? Michael: So, maybe you should come back. You should come back. Please. Dwight: I don't want to do your laundry anymore. Michael: We can talk about that. [Dwight high fives Michael] All right. Jim: [inspecting the hole in the wall] Oh my God, that's half-inch drywall. Pam: I think we broke his brain. [they both snicker] Jim: [imitating Andy] "It's not freakin' funny!" Angela: Are you enjoying your fiesta? Oscar: Actually, yeah. I didn't think I would, but turns out -- [Angela walks away] it's great. Michael: Ladies and gentlemen! May I present... Mr. Dwight Schrute! Everybody: Yay. [scattered appalause] Angela: Welcome back. Dwight: Thank you. Michael: Okay, Dwight, you can let go of her hand. You're gonna break it. [looks around the room] Not bad, huh? Dwight: You did this for me? [camera pans to "Welcome Back Oscar" sign] Michael: Guilty. Creed: Oh... Where did you get this stuff? Meredith: Gerty's. Creed: Which aisle? Meredith: I don't remember. Creed: Well, draw me a map, mama. Michael: Pam. I will shake mine and then you will shake yours. Pam: No, I will not. Michael: So does this remind you of your childhood right now? Oscar: It reminds me a lot of the 'Three Amigos' with Steve Martin and Chevy Chase. Michael: Wow. Thank you. Wow, that's-- thanks so much. Jim: Hey. Karen: [sighs] Do you still have feelings for her? Jim: [long pause and then he sighs and nods] Yes. Michael: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the big finale! Sir, would you do the honor? [hands broom to Dwight, though Oscar thinks he's handing it to him] Dwight: Oh, man. [Kevin starts to put a blindfold on] No, no, no. I don't need it. Get out! [beats up pinata] Michael: It takes a big man to admit his mistake and that's what I did. The important thing is I learned something. I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I'm going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me. Hmm. Andy: So Michael had a little chat with corporate and they decided to send me to management training. Anger management, technically, but still. Management material. [gets out of his car] This whole thing supposed to take ten weeks, but I can be done in five. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and positive reinforcement through nods and smiles. So, don't worry about old Andy Bernard. I'll be back. Just like Rambo, so. Marcy: Oh, hi. You must be Andy. Andy: Oh, hi! Yes. I am and you must be... Marcy! Marcy: That's right, it's so good to meet you. Andy: It's so good to meet you! Marcy: Thanks. Well, you ready to have some fun? Andy: Yeah.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x14 - The Return"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: Hello son. If you're watching this, that means I'm already dad. Life is a road--- Dwight: How do you know it's going to be a boy? Michael: How, would you stop interrupting please? Michael: Yesterday I was scraping some gn off my wall sockets with a metal fork and I gave myself the nastiest shock. And when I came to, I had an epiphery. Life is precious. And if I die I want my son to know the dealio. The dealio of life. Michael: Here are some things that I want to teach you that your mother won't be able to. Michael: To jump start a car, first pop the hood. Then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine. Then you take these and clip them wherever. Dwight: [Shakes head] Michael: Number eight, learn how to take off a woman's bra. Pam: What? Michael: We will demonstrate on Pam. Pam: No. No. [Leaves] Michael: Come on. Michael: [Dwight is wearing a bra] You just twist your hand until something breaks. Dwight: Ow. Michael: Well you get the picture. Thanks Pam. Michael: And remember no matter what, I will always love you. Dwight: What if he's a mrder? Michael: He's not going to be a mrder. Dwight: Maybe that's how you die. Michael: You know what, Dwight, do you want to do this, or no? Dwight: I want to do this. Michael: Okay. From the top. Ready? Three- Dwight: Action. Michael: Hello everyone! As you know, we are six days away from Phyllis' wedding. [Applause] So get your suits to the dry cleaner and get your hair did. And Karen, um, you might want to invest in a dress or a skirt of some kind if you don't already have one. This may be Phyllis' only wedding ever. It is my job to ensure that none of you look like ragamuffins. So I am instituting prima nocta. Jim: Prima nocta, I believe from the movie Braveheart, and confirmed on wikipedia, is when the king got to deflower every new bride on her wedding night. So... Michael: I'm sorry. I had a very different understanding as to what prima nocta meant. Michael: I'm trying to get everyone excited about Phyllis' wedding because I want her to get people excited about my wedding when the time comes. Which won't be hard, because it's going to be awesome. A lot better than hers, that's for sure. It'll probably be on a boat. Michael: What's up spinsters? Angela: Nothing. You know this is a luncheon shower. Girls only. Michael: No problem. The guys are having a little shindig of their own in the warehouse. From 2:30 to 3:15. It is the only time that Bob was available. Sort of a guy's night out. A G-N-O if you will. A Gah-No. Actually, it's more of a guy's afternoon in. A G-A-I. A gay. Not- not- it's uh, not gay, it's just a, it's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour long shower with guys. Karen: I guess Jim and I have had a little bit of a rough patch for the past couple weeks but we had some really good talks and actually now I think that we're better than ever. Jim: Karen and I had a long talk last night and the night before that and uh, every night, for the last five nights. Pam: Something's up with Jim and Karen. Not that I've been eavesdropping. It's not really any of my business, but I've gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck. Packer: Halpert! Tall, qeer, handsome as ever. Hey everybody it's me, Jim. Hello, hello. Todd Packer. Karen: Karen Fillipelli. Jim's girlfriend. Packer: Shut up! Karen: Yep. Packer: Shut it! Karen: That's rude. Packer: Either this chick is a dude or Halpert got scared straight! Michael: Yes. Yes! Oh! There-oh! [Clutches chest and falls to the floor] Packer: What happened? Michael: Oh God- Packer: Quick somebody help! Help the man! [Pretends to kick Michael] Michael: No, no, no! Michael: I can't believe you're not going to be there. It's going to be good, it's going to be a great bachelor party man. Packer: I have a full day of sales calls. Michael: You should get out of them. Packer: [Breaks pencil.] Michael: It's the only time he can do it. 2:30 to 3:15. It's going to be great. We're going to be doing some darts, we're going to be grilling up some steaks, got some pie. Going to be very delicious. Packer: And what kind of stripper did you get? Michael: I did not order a stripper. Packer: You didn't order a stripper? Have you ever even been to a bachelor party? Michael: Um, not personally, no. Packer: Mike, okay, a stripper is bachelor party 101. If you don't get a stripper your party is going to suck it hard. Michael: I can't get a stripper here. Sexual Harassment. Packer: Just get one for the girls too. That evens it out. You know, separate but equal. Michael: So that's what that means. Michael: Okay everybody, slight change of plans, we are still going to be having two parties but each is going to get a little extra dose of naught-ay. Uh! [Spanks himself] Dwight: Alright! Uh! [Spanks himself] Michael: Gay. Dwight: What? Michael: Okay. Co-ed naked strippers in this office. For realsies. Angela: Under no circumstance should a man strip off his clothes in this office. Meredith: SHUT UP ANGELA! Pam: Hey. Jim: Hey. Pam: Ugh. Jim: Ugh. Pam: Everything okay? Jim: Oh yeah. Why? Pam: Well you seem a little tired. Jim: Oh. Yeah well, I guess there's been a couple late nights. Karen and I have been up talking. Pam: You should get more sleep. Jim: Yeah, I know I should. Pam: Never underestimate the power of a good night's sleep. Jim: No, I'm sure you're right. Pam: When I get eight hours, compared to like six hours, like, big difference. Jim: Really? Pam: Oh yeah. Gotta get your REM cycle going with the whole sleeping. Better than not. Jim: Good advice Beesley. Thanks. See you out there. Pam: Yeah. Don't fall asleep at your desk. [Turning towards the vending machine] Oh my God. Michael: Okay. We are off. Ryan and I are going to go get some supplies and I need you to handle hiring the strippers. Jim: Absolutely not. Dwight: I'm on it. Michael: Well get on it. And make it happen. Dwight: Ruddy cheeks, thick calves, no tats, no moles, no tats. No, TATS. Of course I want- Jim: Stop. That's disgusting. Dwight: Leave me alone and get the male stripper. Jim: Fine. Dwight: I knew you would, Nancy. Jim: Sally. Dwight: No preference, what do you think redhead or brunette? Jim: Blonde. Dwight: Nice. Do you have any blonde women? Michael: [Giggles.] Ryan: He hasn't even said a word yet. Just giggling. Michael: [Pokes Ryan with a sex toy.] Gotcha, oh! [Phone rings.] Yes? Jim: Are you okay? Michael: I'm in the, I'm in the sex shop. Jim: Ah, gotcha. Okay, so they have Albert Einstein, Ben Franklin, or Sponge Bob Squarepants. Michael: Squarepants? Jim: Yep, Spongebob Squarepants. Michael: And you think that'd be sexy? Jim: Michael referred me to a male strip club called Banana Slings. Instead, I called the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania. Ben Franklin: Hold the door please! Michael: Oh. Ben Franklin: Thank you. Michael: Oh. Hello! Ben Franklin: Hello! Michael: You wearing a thong? Ben Franklin: What? Angela: Sparkling cider is very good. Pam: I think that's champagne. Angela: [Spits champagne back into her glass] Michael: Hello ladies. Who here is a history buff? Who's a fan of buff naked? Without further ado, the one, the only, the sexy Mr. Benjamin Franklin. Ben Franklin: Thank you for that introduction, Mr. Scott, and good afternoon fine gentlewomen of Dunder Mifflin. Michael: Half pants, right Mr. Franklin? Ben Franklin: Knickers in fact, yes! Michael: He's in his knickers. Mr. Franklin, I would say you are probably one of the sexiest presidents ever. Ben Franklin: Well, actually, I never was president. Michael: Yes, but, Ben Franklin was. Ben Franklin: Ah. I'm here to teach you a little bit about my life and the era of the founding fathers. Michael: And when they came over on the Mayflower. Bow chicka bow. Meredith: Wait, this is the entertainment? Michael: Yeah, alright, so I want you to give him your undivided attention and Mr. Franklin, if any of these ladies misbehave I give you permission to spank them. Especially that one. [Points to Phyllis] Jim: Have you ever seen a stripper before? Dwight: Yes. Jennifer Garner portrayed one on Alias. It was one of her many aliases. Jim: Yeah, me neither. Elizabeth: Hey. Jim: Hi. Elizabeth: I'm Elizabeth, I'm the dancer that was requested. Dwight: Okay, I specifically ordered a stripper. Elizabeth: I'm the stripper. Dwight: Oh, okay good. Well in the future please identify yourself as such. Jim: [Phone rings] Oh God. Dwight: [Reading the text message] Is she hot? Text back, "Kind of." Ben Franklin: It was a warm June evening in 1752, the night of my fateful kite flight. Karen: Mr. Franklin? Ben Franklin: Yes? Karen: Do you have a girlfriend? Ben Franklin: I have a lovely wife, Deborah. Pam: But don't you also have girlfriends in Paris? Like a lot of them? Ben Franklin: Uh, well that is a grey area of my life. Okay? So, it was a warm June evening. Michael: Look at that. Nothing like grilling in the great outdoors. Ryan: Is this the same grill you grilled your foot on? Michael: No. Yes. Ryan: Oh gross. Michael: But I got all the foot off of it. Pam: Okay Ben Franklin! Karen: Ben Franklin tied a cherry stem with his mouth! Ben Franklin: Well, that is because I am a renaissance man. Pam: Ben Franklin, do you wear boxers, briefs, or pantaloons? Ben Franklin: Well, you're very saucy! [Winks at Pam.] Michael: Guys, beef! It's what's for dinner! Who wants some man meat? Dwight: I do! I want some man meat! Jim: Michael, Dwight would like your man meat. Michael: Well then my man meat, he shall have. There you go. Deliciousity. Stanley: [Stanley's fork breaks.] Of course. Karen: So I guess you have the Ben Franklin wig and the costume and you figure, how can I put this to practical use? Pam: Well I like to think that his dad was a Ben Franklin impersonator and he really pressured him into it. Karen: Hey um, I wanted to talk to you. I know this is weird or whatever, but Jim told me about you guys. Pam: What do you mean? Karen: Well that you kissed. And we talked it through and it's totally fine, it's not a big deal. It's just a kiss. Wait- you're not still interested in him? Pam: Oh yeah. Karen: Really? Pam: Oh no, I was confused by your phrasing. You should definitely go out with Jim. I mean, you're going out with Jim. I'm not going out with Jim. You're dating him, which is awesome, because you guys are great together. Karen: Okay. Pam: I'm not into Jim. Yeah. Karen: So um, well good. Pam: Yeah. Sorry. Karen: What are you sorry about? Pam: Um, what? Karen: What are you sorry about? Pam: Nothing. I was just thinking of something else. Kevin: Okay. The game is no limit deuce to seven lowball. Lines twenty five fifty, nickels are worth ten, dimes twenty-five, and quarters fifty. Nothing wild. Michael: I call shuffle. Here we go. [Spreads cards out all over the table] Kevin: Michael. Michael: Ah, gentlemen, the entertainment is here. Everybody I'd like to introduce you to Elizabeth. Elizabeth: Hi guys! Michael: Nice outfit. Elizabeth: I hear there's an important meeting here. Roy: I'm not really into strippers. You know what I find sexy? Pam's art. She's an artist and I appreciate that. It's very moving and sexy. The art. Elizabeth: ht it. [Feel Like Makin' Love plays in background] So where's the groom? Michael: He's right there. There he is. Bob Vance: Absolutely not. That's all you. That's all you. Michael: Okay. Alright, I'll do it. Yeah. Lets do it. Lets do this thing. Yeah. What do I? Elizabeth: Just sit on down. Michael: Alright. Elizabeth: Alright. Michael: Okay. Elizabeth: Here we go. Michael: Here we go. Alright! Elizabeth: Yeah! Michael: Not bad! Not bad! You smell nice. Like Tide. Elizabeth: Mmm, what's that? Michael: You smell like Tide detergent. Do you use Tide detergent? Ha ha ha! I have a girlfriend so... Elizabeth: I bet she'd be jealous. [Rips off shirt] Michael: Yeah she probably, yeah she would be. You know what, okay, excuse me. Please stop it, stop it. Turn off the music. This is wrong, this is wrong! This is wrong! I have a girlfriend. And you are engaged and I'm sure you have a boyfriend in prison or something so lets just clear out okay. Shame on you. Go back to work! Dwight: Elizabeth, I want you to sit here. When the phone rings, answer it. Elizabeth: You want me to answer phones with my clothes on. Dwight: We hired you for three hours work and we're going to get it. Elizabeth: Oh I love your poster. Angela: Thank you. Kevin: [Mouths 'hi' at the stripper] Ben Franklin: You know I invented electricity. Pam: I know. Ben Franklin: Well I'm sensing a little electricity right here. Pam: Didn't Ben Franklin have syphilis? Ben Franklin: Yes, but I don't. My name is Gordon. Pam: Ohhh. Michael: On one hand I want to be honest with Jan and tell her the truth but on the other hand I'm afraid she's going to dump me. Ben Franklin: You know Michael, I fathered an illegitimate son. Michael: Really. Ben Franklin: But I kept all this from my wife Deborah. These things only serve to upset the women. They are the gentler sex. Michael: Well, Ben Franklin, you're really kind of a sleezebag. Michael: Stripper? Could I ask you a question about women? Um, should I tell my girlfriend that you danced up on me? Elizabeth: Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone. Michael: Wow. Thank you. Dwight: Care for a piece of chocolate? Ben Franklin: Chocolate! Where did you acquire it? That is a delicacy in the Amazon but it has not yet been imported to the United States. Dwight: Who is the king of Austria? Ben Franklin: Joseph the 2nd. Dwight: Who is the king of Prussia? Ben Franklin: Fredrick Wilhelm the 3rd. Dwight: Who is the king of England? Ben Franklin: Why the tyrant King George, of course! Dwight: I don't care what Jim says, that is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure. Jan: [On speaker phone] Michael, I left a meeting. What is so urgent? Are you, are you okay? Michael: Not really, look I don't know how to say this so I just will. Jan: Okay. Michael: I went to a bachelor party and things got a little out of hand. Jan: Uh when, when did, when last night? Michael: No, today at work. Jan: You went to a bachelor party at work? Michael: Yes. I kind of arranged it. Kelly: Well I don't even think the stripper was that hot. Do you guys think she was hot? Ryan: Kelly don't do this. Kelly: Do what? I just asked you a question. Ryan: You know what you're doing. Kelly: Anyway, do you know who was totally flirting with Ben Franklin? Pam. Jim: Really? Looks like I hired the right guy. I'm glad. Any real potential there Beesley? Pam: Yeah, right. God, I need a boyfriend. You know Ryan I'm totally ready to be set up with one of your business school friends. Whenever. Ryan: Ok. Elizabeth: Oh my God, I would get so fat if I worked here. Pam: Yeah? I lose my appetite all the time. Elizabeth: You could strip you know. Pam: Thanks. Michael: So you don't want to end our relationship? Jan: I'm closer to f*ring you. Michael: That is so sweet. You are the best GD girlfriend in the world. Do you know that? Jan: I'll talk to you later. Michael: You are. You are. Michael: So you know who turned out to be kind of a creep? Ben Franklin. And Elizabeth the stripper gave me great advice. Which rhymed. Really makes you wonder how Ben Franklin can become president, but someone like Elizabeth can't. Dwight: Are you near sighted or far sighted? Ben Franklin: Both. That's why I invented the bifocal. Dwight: GAH!!!	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x15 - Ben Franklin"}	foreverdreaming
Jim: Damn, lost another file. Going to have to reboot. Again. [Windows reboot sound] Hey, Dwight, do you want an Altoid? Dwight: What do you think? Jim: In school, we learned about this scientist who trained dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell by feeding them whenever a bell rang. For the last couple of weeks I've been conducting a similar experiment. Jim: [Windows reboot sound] Dwight, want an Altoid? Dwight: Okay. Jim: [Windows reboot sound] Altoid? Dwight: Sure Jim: [Windows reboot sound] Mint Dwight? Dwight: Inbwit? Yes. Dwight: [Windows reboot sound] [Dwight holds out his hand, sighs] Jim: What are you doing? Dwight: I... Jim: What? Dwight: I don't know. My mouth tastes so bad all of a sudden. [nasty, dry mouth-smaking noise] Michael: Always the bridesmaids, right ladies? Photographer: Okay, for this next one everyone hop out. Just Phyllis and Dad. Actually, let's bring Mom back in. And the sisters. And you, and you, and you. Great. Michael: Phyllis is getting married. And I am in the wedding party. She has asked me to push her father's wheelchair down the aisle. So, basically, I am co-giving away the bride. Since I pay her salary it is like I'm paying for the wedding. Which I'm happy to do. It's a big day for Phyllis. But it's an even bigger day for me. Employer of the bride. Phyllis: Yes, I put Michael in my wedding. It was the only way I could think to get six weeks off for my honeymoon. No one else has ever gotten six weeks before. Pam: Phyllis... ended up using the exact same invitations as Roy and me. So it was kind of like being invited to my own wedding. And I was like 'Wait, thought I called that off'. Jim: So what's in the box? Stanley: A toaster, you? Karen: A toaster. Stanley: Unbelievable. Dwight: Hello, Angela. Angela: Hi, Dwight. Dwight: You look as beautiful as the Queen of England. Angela: Thank you. Don't linger. Break left. Left! Dwight: The Shrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair. Jim: Those flowers are nice. Karen: Yeah. P and R? Jim: Phyllis and Robert. Karen: Ah, of course. Pam: Also, Pam and Roy. Michael: There she is. I swear Phyllis you are as beautiful as the first day you started work at Dunder Mifflin. Phyllis: Thanks, Michael. That's sweet. Same as when you said it outside. Michael: How you doin'? You excited. Phyllis: Yes, very. Michael: Me, too. If you need to vomit, that is ok. I did. Do you want to talk about tonight? Phyllis: No. Michael: You're probably worried about pleasing Bob. A lot of pressure. Phyllis, did you break wind? It's okay, if you did. It's a very natural reaction. It's your wedding. And you're nervous... Phyllis: That wasn't me. Michael: Okay... umm... I'm sure that Bob... Wow. That is... that is pungent. I lost my train of thought. Aaah... Are you set on that hairstyle? Phyllis: I thought it was... Michael: Here, let me... Phyllis: Michael... No. Michael: Just cover up that bald patch. Phyllis: I don't need your... thank you. No, Michael please... I just need some time alone. Michael: Okay. Michael: You might be surprised to learn that I've only been to one other wedding. It's actually a very cute story. My Mom was marrying Jeff. And they asked me to be ring bearer. I was understandably emotional and somehow my pants became wet. Michael: [in video of Michael as a kid] I hate you! Michael: Long story short: Jeff's dog ended up as ring bearer. And the irony is that after the ceremony that dog peed on everything and nobody said 'boo'. Dwight: Why are all these people here? There are too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague. Who are all these people? Jim: You know what? I bet a lot of them are wedding crashers. Dwight: No way. Jim: Did you ever see that movie? Dwight: Of course I saw it. Dwight: I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theatre. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theatre, but I kept waiting. That's the thing about bear attcks, they come when you least expect it. Jim: You know I just wish, I wish, I had the investigative powers to smoke some of these guys out. Dwight: Once again, Jim, I will take care of this. I will locate the wedding crashers and report them to Phyllis. That way I won't have to get her a gift. Kevin: [to Toby's date] Hi. I'm Kevin. [to Toby] Where did you find her? Toby: At the gym. Kevin: Riiight. The gym. [snickers] Kelly: Could you scoot over? You're on my dress. Meredith: I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding. Kelly: I know but there was an emergency. Kelly: I look really good in white. Michael: This strappy young lad sitting here is Phyllis' father, Albert, and he is quite the ladies' man, aren't you Albert, hah? Ah, ringbearer. I could have done better. I will do better. I am going to be better. I can't believe I'm actually doing this! Ooh! Are you ready for this, Albert? I am. Let's do it. Pam: That's my dress. Michael: [whispers to father] That's ok. [Albert gets out of his wheelchair and starts walking] Dwight: It's a miracle. Crowd: [generalized clapping] Michael: This is bull**! Michael: Me walking Phyllis down the aisle was supposed to be the highlight of the wedding. And now... the wedding has no highlight. Michael: I can't believe I pushed that... that guy's lazy ass around all day... until he was ready to stand up and steal the show. That's... well... I got news for you, Albert. If that's your real name. The show's not over. Priest: And do you, Phyllis, take Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, to be your lawfully wedded husband? Phyllis: I do. Michael: Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance! Priest: And do you, Bob... Michael: Oh, shiii... Priest: ... take Phyllis to be your lawfully wedded wife Bob Vance: I do. Priest: You may now kiss the bride. Michael: Ladies and Gentleman, for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance. [generalized clapping and cheering] Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Angela: Congratulations, Phyllis. You look lovely. Your dress is very white. So white, my eyes are burning. Phyllis: Thanks Angela. Michael: Congratulations, Bob. You're a good man. But just know... if you ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I will kll you. Bob Vance: If you ever lay I finger on Phyllis, I'll k*ll you. Michael: Agreed. No fingers will be laid on Phyllis. [to Albert] Oh, decided to sit down again, huh? Great. Bet you can hear me, too. Dwight: Best of luck, Phyllis. Also I'm going to need to see a copy of the guest manifest as well as photographs of the caterers. Phyllis: I don't have that, Dwight. Dwight: Dammit, Phyllis! Kelly: Are you all right? This must be so awful for you. Pam: What do you mean? Kelly: Well... this was supposed to be your wedding. Pam: Oh... um... no. That's... um... That's actually fine Kelly: There's no way it's fine. I'm sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out and get really drunk and then tell someone I was pregnant. Pam: Okay, that's a lot of good ideas. Thanks Dwight: 'Scuse me, sir. How do you know the happy couple? Uncle Al: Who? Dwight: The bride and groom? What are their names? Uncle Al: Oh, I... I don't... I'm not sure. Dwight: Oh I get it, I get it, come on, freeloader. Let's move it. Come on. Come on. Uncle Al: Okay, Okay. Where are we going? Dwight: Got to find yourself another wedding to crash, my friend. Uncle Al: Oh! Michael: Phyllis! Are you happy with everything? What can I do to make it more perfecter? Phyllis: It's beautiful. Why don't you find your seat. Enjoy the buffet. Michael: I'm already on it. The chicken? Totally undercooked. I sent it back. Phyllis: It's fish. Michael: I will take care of that. Michael: I do. I know a fair amount about fine food... and drink. This is a white. Kevin: No this is not our first wedding. This is the THIRD wedding that Scrantonicity has played. We also played our bassist's wedding and our guitarist's wedding. Kevin: Attention, everyone. Attention, please. I am supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old and has brown eyes and dementia. His family is very concerned. It is a very serious situation. [sings] Roxanne. You don't have to put on your red light. Roy: Hey. Pam: Hey. Roy: I know I normally don't notice these kind of things but uh... This wedding's really nice! I mean, the flowers and stuff? Phyllis has got some great taste. Pam: You're kidding me, right? Roy: I know you're probably not going to remember this, right? But um... Those color roses? I got you those color roses for our prom. Pam: Roy, I picked those flowers. Phyllis just stole all of my ideas for our wedding. Roy: I uh guess I wasn't really too involved in the planning. Pam: Yeah. Roy: Sorry about that. Pam: It's okay. Roy: You think this sucks for you? I was the one who actually wanted to get married. Randy: Phyllis, you're a wonderful woman. And you're a hell of a bowler! Crowd: [cheering and clapping] Unknown: She is. Randy: Cheers. Crowd: Cheers. Michael: Thank you, Randy. That was great. Thank you. Thank you very much. Hi, I'm Michael Scott and for the next forty minutes, I'm going to be your tour guide through the lives of Phyllis Lapin and Bob Vance. One of the great, seemingly impossible, love stories of our time. My name is Michael Scott. Webster's Dictionary defines "wedding" as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch. Well, you know something. I think you guys are two metals. Gold medals. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Michael Scott, Phyllis' boss. To quote from The Princess Bride "Mawige... Michael: The most important part of a speech is the opening line. When time is not a factor, I like to try out three or four different ones. Michael: Phyllis and Bob: their celebrity couple name would be Phlob. You look at her... and she's kind of matronly today, but back in High School, I swear, her nickname was 'Easy Rider'. Now as for Bob... Bob Vance... Bob Vance: Oh okay. That's enough. Michael: is a guy that... Bob Vance: Thanks, Michael. Give me... Michael: he works... Okay hold, hold on, hold on. Look. Look. I didn't say anything when Phyllis' dad upstaged me at the ceremony. And I think you owe me this. Kay. Bob Vance: Give me the microphone. Michael: No. I'm not going to... Bob Vance: Give me... Give me the microphone, Michael. Michael: Ok. All right. Bob Vance: You're out of here! Michael: Oh. Yeah. You're out of here! You're... Yeah. I hate you! Jim: Hey. Pam: Hey! Jim: When are we going to get to see some of those famous Beesly dance moves? Pam: Oh... I'm pacing myself. Jim: Come on. Get out there. Give the people what they want. Pam: No. I'm such a dorky dancer. Jim: I know. It's very cute. Jim: Hypothetically, if I thought Pam was interested, then... No, it's totally hypothetical. Michael: Come... Come on! Dwight: I can't let you in, Michael. Michael: Dwight, just... Dwight: No, it's Bob and Phyllis' orders. Michael: Look, I just wanted to go in and quietly sit and have a piece of cake. I'm not even going to dance one song. Dwight: You are a real life wedding crasher and I must bounce you. I'm sorry, it gives me no pleasure. Michael: OK. Roy: Hey, they're playing our song. Pam: Yeah, that's weird. I thought they only played the Police. Roy: I know. Uh... I gave them twenty bucks. You want to dance? Michael: [sings] ee... I was meant for you... buppity du bom bu. Roy: [to Pam] Hey, want to get out of here? Jim: Here's a 'not hypothetical'. I'm really happy I'm with Karen. Karen: [sings] Every little thing she does is magic. Every little thing she do just turns me on. Even though my life before was tragic. Now I know my love for her goes on. Every... Women: One... Two... Three. Ahhhh! [Phyllis throws the flowers, Ryan knocks them out of Kelly's hands, Toby's date gets them] Toby: Toby! Yeah! Michael: I just want Phyllis to have a great day. Uncle Al: Phyllis and you will be great together. Michael: We are great together. We are a great team. Uncle Al: The Celtics were a great team. Michael: Yes. Yes. They were. Robert Parrish! I should talk to her. I don't want this to ruin her honeymoon. Uncle Al: Nobody ever helped me. I had to do it myself. Even the doctor didn't know! Michael: Dude, keep it together. I listened to you for half an hour even though most of that stuff went right over my head. Michael: Phyllis. Phyllis! Wait! Please. I'm sorry. I just... I just wanted to make this a day to remember. Phyllis: You found Uncle Al! Michael: Yeah. Yeah. He's kind of a weirdo. Phyllis: Thank you, Michael. Michael: You're... You're welcome. Michael: They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that your lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that's crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad. Michael: Be careful. Oh no!! [Phyllis and Bob smear cake on each other's face] Oh wow! Phyllis! Phyllis! You look like a clown! Here. Get me! Get me! [Michael smears cake on his own face]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x16 - Phyllis' Wedding"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: Oh hey, Kevin, nice of you to join us, where were you? Kevin: My tire blew out on the way here, Michael. Michael: Huh? Kevin: I almost died. I... I went into this skid--- Michael: Pop quiz. Kevin: ...What? Michael: Why is today a special day? Kevin: I almost died. Michael: Today's a special day, because I am being honored as a... visiting... professor, special lecturer, emeritus... how did you, how did you... Ryan: You will be a guest speaker... in my Emerging Enterprises class. Michael: In business school, Kevin. Business school. Kevin: Wow. Ryan: If you bring your boss to class, it automatically bumps you up a full letter grade. So... I'd be stupid not to do it, right? Michael: A boss is like a teacher. And I am like the cool teacher. Like Mr. Handell. Mr. Handell would hang out with us, and he would tell us awesome jokes. And he actually hooked up with one of the students. Um... and then like twelve other kids came forward. It was in all the papers. ... Really ruined eighth grade for us. Michael: Here we go. College Roadshow. Gotta bring our... A game. What was the most inspiring thing I've ever said to you? Dwight: "Don't be an idiot." Changed my life. Dwight: Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing. Michael: Will they throw their hats, you think? Ryan: What? Michael: A lot of times, at a... school, or naval academy, after a rousing speech, the crowd would throw its hats high into the air. Ryan: Y-You understand nobody's graduating. Michael: Yeah, I know, I know. I'm just saying if they did throw their hats I've got a great line for that: "May your hats fly as high as your dreams." ... That was a pretty good line. Ryan: ...It doesn't apply. Michael: I understand! Wow. Relax, spazzy boy. Sometimes you're such a little spaz! [pokes Ryan] Whoa, hey! Ryan: Quit it! Michael: We have fun. Roy: I can't for your art show tonight. Pam: Okay, just so you know, it's just the students from my class in a little studio. Roy: I-I wouldn't miss it for the world. Pam: Thanks. Pam: I'm really happy to be back with Roy. I think it shows maturity. Maturity and dignity. ... Is that braggy? I don't mean it to be braggy. Roy: Love ya. Pam: You too. Jim: Pam's with Roy. I'm with Karen. And, uh, Brangelina is with Frangelina. Movin' on. Kelly: I can't believe you're back together with Roy! Pam: Oh, yeah! We have such a solid foundation, you know. Kelly: Oh my God. You're so in love now. Pam: Yeah. Oh, you should come to my art show, by the way. Kelly: Oh, art show! Pam: I mean, it's not a big deal, but I think a lot of people from the office will be there. Kelly: ...Oh... yeah. Definitely... I'll be there. For sure. Michael: Campus. Brings back so many memories. ... That I would have made. Hey. Frisbee. Check that out. Aww! What do you say we get our Fris on before class? [runs over, throws frisbee] Whoo! College Student: ....Dude. Dwight: ...Oh my God. Animal stool. [jumps on desk] Pam: Dwight, what are you doing? Dwight: Solving a mystery, if that's quite alright with you. [opens ceiling tile] Come to Papa. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is a bird that has been trapped in a vent. Fortunately I have found it befo--BAT! BAAAT! BAT! Karen: Oh my God! Dwight: BAAAAT! BAT! NO! EVERYONE REMAIN CALM! There it goes! Stanley: Goooood bye. Angela: [on ground] ... Please don't let that stupid thing near me... Michael: Okay, this is it. Ryan is doing my intro right now. Ryan: ...Dunder-Mifflin can't compete with the modern chains, and management is unwilling, or unable, to adapt. Their customers are dying off... Michael: I can't hear what he's saying, but he looks like he's really into it. Dwight: We have... a bat... in the office. Toby: The simple solution would be to open a window... if we had... windows that could open. Angela: Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop! Jim: Okay. Thanks. [hangs up phone] Animal control will be here at six. Dwight: At Six?! No, that is unacceptable. Okay, Jim, you are the number two in this office. You need to step up and show some leadership. Jim: I'm sorry what did you say? So wierd... Dwight: What? What's so wierd? Jim: The bat, I mean, I know I felt it bite me, but look. There's no mark. I feel so... tingly... so strangely powerful... [shrugs] Oh well. Ryan: And now, without further ado, I present the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton, Michael Scott. Michael: Hello everyone, I am Michael Scott. And I would like to start today by inspiring you. May I borrow someone's textbook, please? Thank you. What have we here? Ooh. Economics. Very, very interesting. [rips pages out of book] You cannot learn from books. Replace these pages with life lessons, and then, you will have... a book... that is worth its weight in gold. [gives book back] I know these are expensive, um, but the lesson is priceless. Good. Alright. I think you're inspired. Shall we proceed? There are four kinds of business: Tourism. Food service. Railroads, and sales. And hospitals slash manufacturing. And air travel. Dwight: [sighs] This is your job, Halpert. Jim: Ow! Karen: Oh, what happened? Jim: That bread on your desk? I just picked it up. It's white hot. Karen: But Jim, this garlic bread is cold. Jim: What? ... No. It brned me. I... bizarre. Dwight: No... no. One crisis at a time. Dwight: If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a "sylvania." Like PENN-sylvania. Now that doesn't mean that Jim is going to become a vampire. Only that he carries the vampiric germ. Michael: So, you wanna start a business. How do you start? What do you need? Well, first of all, you need a building. And secondly, you need supply. You need something to sell. Now this could be anything. It could be... a... thingamajig. Or a... a whosi-whatsi. Or... [pulls out a candy bar] a Whatchamacallit [throws bar]. Now, you need to sell those in order to have a PayDay [takes out a PayDay, throws it]. And, if you sell enough of them, you will make a 100 Grand [throws 100 Grand bar]. [pulls out a Snickers] Satisfied? Toby: Oh, this looks great. I'd, I'd love to be there, but my daughter's play is tonight. ... Damnit! You know, one of the other parents will probably videotape it. Pam: Oh! No, you should go. Toby: Well, it's important to support local art, you know. And what they do is not art. Michael: Okay, I'm seeing some confused... faces out there. Let me slow down a little bit. Break this down. Okay. The more stickers you sell, the more profit, fancy word for money, you have to buy PlayStations and Beanie Babies. Ryan: Michael. Michael: ...And products! Ryan: What we normally do here is more of a question and answer thing. Michael: Well... okay, I was just kind of getting it going. Um, alright. Well, okay, we can do questions. Okay. Very good. First hand up. Business Student #1: Sir, as a company that primary distributes paper, how have you adapted your business model to function in an increasingly paperless world? Michael: We can't overestimate the value of computers. Yes, they are great for playing games and forwarding funny emails. But real business is done on paper, okay? Write that down. [everyone types on their laptops] Karen: Hey Jim, here's the aspirin you wanted. Jim: Oh, thank God. I have such a headache from that glare. Karen: What glare? Jim: The glare off Angela's crucifix? It's blinding. Dwight: I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I sht one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog. Dwight: Extraordinary events call for extraordinary actions. We form an allegiance-- Creed: Sure. Dwight: --to use sudden volence. Creed: Okay. Dwight: Do you have the tools to turn a wooden mop handle into a stake? Creed: What size? Business Student #2: What do you say to a customer who wants to leave you for the convenience and savings of a nationwide chain? Michael: ...I say you will miss our service, and I absolutely guarantee you'll come back. Business Student #2: Has anyone ever come back? Michael: ...We don't want them back, 'cause they're... stupid. Business Student #3: How far has your Herfindahl index declined since the merger? Michael: Nice try, how's your Pollack-says-what index? Business Student #3: ...What? Michael: Thanks, Kowalsky. Um, can we get on track here? Business Student #1: By your own employee's calculation you'll be obsolete in the next five to ten years. Michael: ...Wait, Ryan said that? Kelly: What are you doing? You'd better not hurt that little bat. Creed: Animals can't feel pain. Kelly: Don't hurt that bat, Creed! It's a living thing with feelings and a family! Dwight: Flush him towards the door. On my go... NOW! Kelly: AHH! kll IT! kll IT! kll IIIT! Kevin: [locks bat in break room] I... am a hero! Michael: Yeah sure, you know business, sitting up here in your ivory tower. And your ebony tower. You know what? Tell you one thing, Dunder-Mifflin is here to stay. Business Student #2: But how can you compete against a company with the resources of a nationwide chain? Michael: David will always bat Goliath. Business Student #1: But there's five Goliaths, there's... Staples, Officemax... Michael: Yeah, yeah. You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. Al-Qaeda, global warming, sex predators... mercury poisoning. So do we just give up? Is that what we're learning in business school? Business Student #1: But in the big picture... Michael: Dunder-Mifflin is the big picture! Can't you understand that? No, you can't. You're too young. Ryan... has never made a sale. And he started a fre trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he's a tease. Well you know what? He doesn't know anything, and neither do you. [walks out] SO SUCK ON THAT! Ryan: ...It wasn't personal. Michael: Business is always personal. It's the most personal thing in the world. When we get back to the office, pack your things. Ryan: Pack my--? Michael: You heard me, pack your things. Meredith: I really want to come out! Creed: Good night, Mary Beth! Jim: So... you're cool to just wait here for animal control? Dwight: Animal control? I've been controlling animals since I was six. Jim: Cool. Okay. I'm gonna go home and lie down, draw the shades... there's just so much sun in here... bye Dwight. Dwight: Goodbye Jim. And good luck. Dwight: Jim is on a path now. An eternal journey, and I wish him well. But I have a destiny in this realm. Specifically, in the kitchen. Pam: ...And it's all from the same series. Woman: Oh. Pam: Called 'Impressions.' Woman: Oh. Pam: Not that I call myself an impressionist, per se. Woman: Maybe one day. Pam: I hope so. Woman: Mmm. Pam: I still need... you know, my breakthrough, or whatever. [Woman leaves, Roy enters] Hey, babe, how are you? Roy: Good. Alright I brought my brother, huh? Pam: Hey, Kenny. Kenny: Hey Pam. Roy: How 'bout this, huh? I show up with my brother, and, no one from work is here? That's... pretty cool, huh? Dwight: Magic time. Gyeeeaahhh! [puts bag over Meredith's head] Meredith: Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Get off! Get off me! Get off me! Dwight: Hold still, woman! Meredith: Get off me! Get it off! Ahhhh! Dwight: ...[captures bat in bag] ... You're welcome. Roy: It's cool if I go, right? I mean, I looked at all of them. Pam: Yeah, I'll just, I'll drive myself home. Roy: To my place? Pam: Maybe, I'm a little tired. Roy: Your art.. was the prettiest art of... all art. Pam: Thank you. Ryan: Look, I'm sorry, okay? I was just trying to do my presentation, and... of course, I was wrong to suggest that Dunder-Mifflin might ever go out of business. But you don't have to fre me. Michael: fre you? No, no no. You are moving... to the annex. Ryan: To the annex? Where... Kelly is? Michael: A good manager doesn't f*re people. He hires people and inspires people. ... People, Ryan. And people will never go out of business. Oscar: You're the one who said we needed more culture. Gil: This is culture to you? Oscar: It's her first try. Gil: Yeah, on Van Gogh's first try, he drew the hands of the peasants. Oscar: Meaning what? Gil: Meaning, real art takes courage, okay? And honesty. Oscar: Well, those aren't Pam's strong points. Gil: Yeah, exactly. That's why this is... motel art. Artist: Thanks for coming. Michael: Pam-casso! Sorry I'm late, I had to race across town. Pam: Oh, Michael. Michael: Wow! You did these... freehand? Pam: Yep. Michael: My God, these could be tracings! Ohh! Look at this one. Wow! You nailed it. [sighs] ... How much? Pam: What do you mean? Michael: I don't see a... price. Pam: Um... you wanna buy it? Michael: Well, yeah. Yeah, we have to have it for the office. I mean, there's my... window, and there's my car! That your car? Pam: Uh-huh. Michael: That is our building... and we sell paper. ... I am really proud of you. Pam: [hugs Michael] ... Thank you. Michael: What? Pam: Do you have something in your pocket? Michael: ...Chunky. Do you want half? Pam: No thank you. Michael: Okay. Michael: It is... a message. It is an inspiration, it is... a source of beauty. And without paper, it could not have happened. Unless, you had a camera. Kelly: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God... Ryan: It's only temporary, okay? Don't get excited. Kelly: I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't...	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x17 - Business School"}	foreverdreaming
Michael: Can you confirm that the straps are tight? Dwight: Yes. But this [pulls at straight jacket] seems to be... Michael: And now, the chains. Michael: A lot of people think that magic camp is just for kids. And that's why so many other people in my class were kids. Self fulfilling prophecy. It's um, it's really for anybody with a dream and a belief in magic and a little extra time after school. Michael: MAGIC MAGIC Magic Magic magic magic... And now, Michael the Magic, will attempt to escape from extreme bondage. [Kevin giggles] Can he do it? I don't see how he can. Dwight: I know how. Dislocate his shoulder and slip his arm out from underneath. Michael: No. No. Everyone, now count down with me. THREE! Jim: Sorry, quick thing. Is it true that if you can't get out, you don't want anyone to help you? Michael: I will get out. Oh yes, I will. Pam: So we shouldn't help you, no matter how much you might beg and plead? Michael: No. Alright, this is getting hot. So let's just do this. Ok, ready? Three, two, one, go. [Michael spits out key, Jim covers it with his foot.] Michael: AHHHH! Kevin: Is everything ok, Michael? Michael: Yes. Michael: I cannot tell you how I plan to escape. Other than by using magic. That is the magician's code. Separately, on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small brass key... Michael: Alright. Dwight: [trumpet sounds] Michael: Ready? Come on guys. Early worm gets the worm. Jim: Another worm? Like, are they friends? Dwight: It's early bird gets the worm. Michael: Pam, would you smell my breath? Pam: No, no. Dwight: Let me smell. [Michael breathes at Dwight] Good, not great. Michael: "Michael, you go to parties all the time, why is tonight so special?" Well, tonight is so special because my boss's boss's boss, the CFO, not his initials, common mistake, is having a little shindig for all the managers in the company. And Jan and I are going as a couple. For the first time. So it's kind of our coming out party. Really. And that is why tonight is so special. Michael: Jimbo, last chance to carpool. Jim: Oh no thanks, I think Karen and I will take my car. Michael: Sure? Might be a good idea. Jim: Yeah. Michael: Go in together, could save some gas, have some fun, long trip. Jim: Thanks. Michael: Play some games? Jim: Oh. Um. I think we're good. Michael: I spy? Jim: Yeah. Jim: Why don't I wanna go? Didn't expect to need a reason, so let me think here. Um. I don't know any of these people. It's an obligation. I don't like talking paper in my free time, or in my work time. And, did I use the word pointless? Dwight: Thanks for inviting me along. Michael: Oh, sure. Really didn't give it any thought. Wait, should you be going? [phone rings] Heh-woh you. Jan: Michael? Michael: Hey, Buttercup. Jan: Hi. Michael: I am on my way. I should be there in about 15... Jan: Let's just blow this party off. Michael: That's what she said. Jan: Am I on speaker phone? Michael: Uh, yes you are. Jan: Is anybody else in the... Dwight: Hello, Jan. Jan: Hi, Dwight. Ok, Michael, take me off speaker phone. Michael: No problem. [doesn't turn off speakerphone] Jan: Ok. Let's just go to a motel... Michael: Ok. Jan: ...and just like rip into each other like we did on that black sand beach in Jamaica. Michael: Ok. Jan. Jan? This party is actually a really big step for us. So, I... Jan: Still on speaker? Michael: Ummm... I don't know. Jan: Are camera's there? Michael: Maybe. Jan: See you soon. Michael: Ok. Dwight: Talk to you later, Jan. Michael: Alright. Bye. Pam: Hey, Michael left early, so a bunch of us are going to go to Poor Richard's for happy hour. You should come. Roy: I can't. My brother, he just unloaded the jet ski's and kinda took a bath, so... we're going to go get hammered. Pam: Ok, well, we're going to a bar. Hey. You have to come to stuff with me. I'm serious! If you're going to be my boyfriend, you have to do boyfriend things. Roy: Ok. Pam: I have decided that I'm going to be more honest. I'm going to tell people what I want. Directly. So, look out world, cause ol' Pammy is getting what she wants. And, don't call me Pammy. Michael: Beauty. Thank you sir! Dwight: Salad. Michael: Thank you. Dwight: You dressed exactly like the servants. Michael: Shut up. Ok, change shirts with me. Dwight: Wait. I don't think yours will fit me. Michael: I don't care. Oh, wow. Here. Don't put my jacket. Don't give me that. Dwight: That would have been really embarrassing. Michael: Yes. Dwight: Crisis averted. Michael: Ok. Pam: Oh, that duck is so cute. Kevin: Hey Pam. Pam: Hey guys. Kevin: Oscar. Angela. Michael: Hi. Michael: Actually, it's polite to arrive early. And smart. Only really good friends show up early. Ergo de facto. Go to a party really early. Become a really good friend. Michael: Oh, um, potato salad. Dwight: It's from both of us. Michael: No, it's not. Rachel: Wonderful, let's, ah, see where we can put this. Ok. Michael: Oh, you probably want to leave the cover on until the guests get here. Michael: It's been sitting in my car all day. Sun beating down on the mayonnaise. Just, you never know. Pam: Kevin, you and Stacy set a date yet? Kevin: Yeah. Kelly: Oh my God, when is it? Kevin: It's complicated. I would appreciate some space on this. Roy: Hey. Pam: Hey. You made it. Roy: You said it was important, so... How's it going? Kenny: What's up, Pam. Pam: Hey Kenny, sorry about the jet skis. Roy: You guys, uh, want a round, on me? Everyone: Yeah. Roy: Yeah? Get you a drink. Kenny: Thanks man. Angela: No thank you, Roy. Dwight: Oh, you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces. Michael: What are you looking for? You bring dip? Jan: I'm sure that it's catered. I need you to sign these, Michael. It's a waver of some of your rights. You should read it carefully. It releases the company in the event that our relationship, in your opinion or in reality, interferes with work. You get a copy, I get a copy, and a third copy goes to HR. Michael: Awesome. I'm going to frame mine. I could frame yours too. Jan: You realize this is a legal document that says you can't sue the company. Michael: Over our love. Jan: I've never told you that I love you. Michael: You don't have to, Jan. This contract says it all. Jan: I am taking a calculated risk. What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self loathing. Downside? I, uh, date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star. Jan: What's this over the "i"? Michael: It's a heart. Jan: Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh my God. What am I saying? Michael: I love this woman! Jan: Oh, no. Michael, please. Michael, please. Dwight: Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica? Dan Gore: No. Dwight: No? Then you are an idiot. Rachel: Hello Michael. Michael: Rachel. Boy, you clean up good. Place looks great with all the lights on. And everything. Actually looks bigger with people in it. It's weird. So... David: Jan, glad you could make it. Jan: Of course, of course, David. Do you remember Michael Scott? David: Of course I do. Jan: From the Scranton Branch. Michael: Jan and I are lovers. It feels so good to finally say that out loud. Jan: David, can I, um, speak to you privately for just a moment, please. Rachel: Excuse me. Michael: Ok. Pam: [looks at beers] Oh. [Starts to walk away, turns around] No. Actually, one of these is supposed to be a lite. Bartender: Oh, sorry. Man: So did the merger go smoothly, or? Michael: It did. Like butter. Mike Myers, SNL. You should ask Karen, she was one of them. Karen: I'm the only one left. Everyone else was either fired or quit. And there is one in Anger Management. Michael: Yeah, but you're great now, right? We're all great. Aren't we great? Jan: We're good. [Michael tries to kiss Jan] Michael, stop. Please stop that, ok? Rachel: Can I get anyone anything, or? Michael: I could go for an appeteaser. Jan: Martini please. Michael: Bagel bites or something. Karen: Rachel, your house is beautiful. Rachel: Thank you. Dwight: What's the square footage? David: About 5,000. Dwight: Does that include the garage? Michael: Dwight, wow. That's not appropriate. Dwight: I'm just... David: I don't know Dwight: It's a common question. Michael: David, how much did this house cost? Dwight: These old colonials are great, when they're sound. I'd love to take a look around. Rachel: I'll show you around. Dwight: Cool, let's start with the banisters. Karen: Hey, do you see that guy behind you in the blue blazer against the wall? Jim: Yep. Karen: That's Drake. And just so you know, I don't want to be weird or anything, but we use to date. Jim: Oh, ok. Cool. Thanks for telling me. Karen: And it didn't end well. Jim: Gotcha. Alright. David: This was a gift from Lee Iacocca. Twenty year old, single malt scotch. Michael: Here is to Mr. Iacocca and his failed experiment, the De Lorean. [takes sip, coughs violently] Jan: You ok? Michael: Yeah. Do you have any ice? David: Sure. Michael: How about some Splenda? Roy: One, two, three, up Jenkins! Down Jenkins. Oh, I think I heard the quarter over here. Kenny: Where? Roy: On this side. Kevin: No, it is definitely under one of these hands. [points to Meredith and Kelly's hands] Ryan: I think I heard it on Roy's side. Kevin: No, it is here. Ryan: [tapping Meredith and Kelly's hands] Not here. Not here. Not here. Not here. Kevin: Good thing you didn't listen to me. Ryan: Yeah, close one. Roy: [points at one of Stanley's hands and one of Pam's] Not here. Not here. It's either here or here. [Stares at Pam] Not here. [Points at Stanley's hand]. Kenny: YES! Pam: Nice job. Roy: I can read you like a book. Pam: Oh yeah? Roy: You can't keep anything from me. Student 1: Hey Creed. Creed: Hey! What are you guys doing here? Student 2: You're the man buddy. Creed: I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine I swiped from the sheriff's station. Dwight: Huh. [Bangs on wall] Yeah, these studs are way too far apart. What's in here? [Opens door]. Rachel: Uh, that's a guest room. Dwight: Just the one window? Rachel: [phone rings] Oh. I must get that. You'll have to excuse me. Dwight: Are those real pearls? Rachel: Uh, yes. Dwight: [tests smoke detector] Good. Jim: Well, it was nice meeting you guys. Take care. Karen: Well, if you're wondering why his wife was staring daggers at me, it's because I kinda saw him for a little bit while they were separated. Jim: Oh. Hadn't noticed. Karen: Really? I thought it was so obvious. I'm glad it didn't make you uncomfortable. Jim: No, it was before I knew you so, its fine. Michael: This one really smells like vanilla. Check that out. Jan: It's nice. Michael: You and the misses should join us at Sandals Jamaica next Christmas. Jan: I, Michael, I think David probably wants to spend Christmas here with his family. Michael: Oh yeah, they don't allow kids at Sandals. They are persona non gratis... there. But it's fun. It's an awesome place. You would not believe how low this girl can limbo. Jim: Oh. Michael: Crazy. Jan: I'm sorry. You're just going to have to excuse us for just a couple minutes. Michael: Ok. Excuse me. What's going on? What is it? Jan: Sorry. Michael, come here. Just, just, just, just. [kisses Michael] Michael: What are you doing? Jan: Don't you know what I'm doing? Michael: Yes, but you could tell me. What... What is that? Why are you? Why are we going in the bathroom? I thought this is where you liked your privacy. Jan: Shut up. Michael: What has gotten into you? Jan: Come on. Michael: No, no, no. Jan: What? Michael: Come on, let's go back to the party. Jan: Just let me loosen my dress. Michael: Don't take that dress. Stop it, Jan. Jan: Michael. Michael: No, no, no, means please don't. Please. Jan: Slam me up against the wall, right here. Michael: I'm not going to slam you up against the wall. Jan: Oh, please. Michael: You're acting inappropriate. Jan. Jan: Oh, I'm acting inappropriate? Get out. Toby: Here. [hands Pam a duck stuffed animal] Pam: Hey, where have you been all night? I was looking forward to hanging out with you. Toby: I was... Pam: Hey, don't you have a daughter? Toby: [takes duck back] Yes. Dwight: Oh good, you're up. Hey, who makes this chair? Child: I don't know, it was here when I was born. Dwight: I want one. It's got good solid construction. Comfortable. What is this? Oak? Child: I don't know. Dwight: What do you know? David: God, I hate these parties. Do you want to sneak out back and sht some hoops? Meet me outside in two minutes. Jim: You stay here and have fun, because I'm going to go out back and sht hoops with David Wallace. Karen: Ok. Oh, um, don't mention that you and I are dating cause I think he might still have feelings for me. Jim: Wallace? What the hell, have you dated like every guy here? [Karen smiles and gives herself away] Wow. Ok. You got me. Karen: I so got you. Jim: So, none of them? Karen: Of course not. I mean, you're kind of like, my first. Jim: Really? Karen: Oh my God, it's so easy. Fun. Jim: Ok. Karen: Hey Jan. Jan: Not too good. Rachel: Did you get a chance to try Michael's homemade potato salad? Michael: Rachel thinks that I brought homemade potato salad and I just picked it up at the supermarket. It's funny. I wish I could make potato salad that good. It's just potatoes and mayonnaise. There is something wrong with Jan. David: What's ah, what's with Jan and Michael? Jim: I don't know. Where to begin? My ball. Dwight: The chimney is in decent shape. Not great. I found some termite damage in a crawl space and some structural flaws in the foundation so all in all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party. Roy: What? Pam: I want us to make it. I want a fresh start. Roy: That's awesome. That's what I want. Pam: Oh ok, but in order for us to make it, there can't be any secrets between us. Roy: I didn't do anything. Ask anyone, I totally could have and I didn't at all. Pam: Just listen. Remember that casino night about a month before we were supposed to get married? I kissed Jim. Roy: What? Pam: He told me how he felt and I guess I had feelings too, and we kissed. Roy: Jim came on to you? Pam: Just listen. Roy: No, I am listening! That's the problem I am listening! Pam: Don't yell! Roy: Don't yell?! Pam: This is over. Roy: Yeah, you're right. This is so over. You kidding me, Pam!? Come on! God! Kenny: Damn jet skis! Michael: Our first fight. If this is about what happened in the bathroom, there was no place to cuddle... Jan: I feel sick. Michael: You didn't have any of the potato salad did you? Jan: No, we were good when we were just running around, you know, in secret. It was wrong and it was exciting. Maybe it was a mistake to take it public. Michael: Well, if that's the way you feel, my lady, then you have hurt me greatly. Jan: Please don't cry. Michael: I'm not going to cry. I feel like it but I am not going to. Why don't you just take your stupid love contract and tear it up into a million little pieces. Jan: It was never a love contract, Michael and besides, I have already given a copy to David and it would be just as embarrassing to get it back as I was handing it to him. Michael: I want the house, Jan. I want the picket fence. I want the ketchup fights and the tickling, and the giggling. Jan: I didn't mean it. I was... Michael: Whatever. Jan: Tired. I'm tired. And I didn't eat enough. And, and, that's all. That was it. Michael: That's all, you didn't mean it? Jan: That's all. I didn't mean it. That's all. I'm just saying I didn't mean it. Michael: I love you, Jan. Jan: Ok. Dwight: Don't break up you guys, you're great together. Roy: Are they going to call the cops? Kenny: No, I paid them off. Roy: Jet ski money? Kenny: All of it. Roy: I'm gonna k*ll Jim Halpert.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x18 - Cocktails"}	foreverdreaming
Karen: So do you want to see it or not? Jim: I don't know. Feel like... Friday night crowds... Karen: Oh my God, you're like, agoraphobic. Jim: Agoraphobic? Karen: Yeah. Jim: Really? Karen: Yeah! You would rather sit on your couch and watch a Phillies game, than go out to a movie with your awesome girlfriend. Jim: Absolutely correct. Kevin: Later, Jim. Jim: Kev, have a good weekend. Karen: Bye. Ok, so this is what's gonna happen. You're gonna suck it up. Jim: Here we go... Karen: ...and we're gonna go to dinner. Jim: Ok... Karen: And then we're gonna go to the movies. Jim: Sounds good. Roy: Hey Halpert! Jim: Hey... [Roy lunges towards Jim] Pam: ROY! Karen: [shrieks] Pam: Roy don't! [Dwight pepper-sprays Roy] Roy: [screams in pain] Ahh God! Dwight: Pam, please call security! Dwight: Everyday, for eight years, I have brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And everyday, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now? [Dwight blinks and winces in pain from the pepper spray] Michael: No need for consternation, everything is under control. Jan: Michael, last Friday one of your employees attcked another employee in your office! Michael: It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled. Jan: [sigh] Is Toby there? Michael: No... Toby: I'm... here, Jan. Jan: Ok, what... what is the situation Toby? Toby: Well, we fired Roy, obviously. And Jim won't press charges against Roy or the company. Jan: Thank God. Toby: Yeah, um, but now apparently Darryl has some issue with his... Michael: No, he has been wanting a raise for a couple of months and he's just using this Roy thing as leverage. Jan: All right, well are you gonna take care of this? Michael: Yeppers. Jan: What did I tell you about "yeppers?" Michael: I don't... remember. Jan: I told you not to say it. Do you remember that? Michael: Yeesh... Pam: I really don't want to talk about it. I don't mean to be rude, but I just... I don't want to comment on what happened. It sucked. Jim: I guess... all things considered, I was lucky Dwight was there. And Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray. And not the nunchucks or the throwing stars. Jim: Hey man, I never got a chance to thank you... for stopping Roy. Thank you. Dwight: Thank you not necessary and thus, not accepted. I saw someone breaking the law and I interceded. Jim: Okay. Um... Got you something. Dwight: Don't want it. Jim: You don't know what it is. Dwight: Don't want it. Won't open it. Don't need it. Won't take it. Citizens do not accept prizes for being citizens. Jim: It was a little glass display case for his for his bobblehead. That would have made us even, I think. He saves my life, I get him a box for his desk toy. Even Steven. Dwight: No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning, and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner, and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes. Oscar: Angela, Roy's check. He's coming in later to pick it up. Kevin: Man, I cannot believe I missed the fight. Oscar: It was crazy. Angela: You saw it? Describe it please. Oscar: Well, I heard some shouting. And I look over and Roy's by reception and you could just tell he's gonna punch somebody. Jim says something. Roy stomps over there. All of the sudden, BAM. Roy goes down, and Dwight's standing there like an action hero. Angela: Oh... Oscar: It was insane! Angela: [flustered] Well... good for Dwight. Michael: Ok I want you to be Darryl and ask me for a raise, because I want to try out some of these negotiation tactics on you. Jim: Where'd you get that? Michael: Wikipedia. Michael: Wikipedia... is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information. Michael: Ok, Darryl, ask me for a raise. Jim: Hey, Mike. Since Roy left I've been doing a lot more work, and I need a raise. Michael: Hmm, well that's interesting Darryl. I think... [mumbling softly] that maybe you should... [mumbling jibberish] Jim: I can't hear you. Michael: What I'm saying is that, [continues to mumble jibberish] Jim: Still nothin'. Michael: Ok, see what I did? Jim: No. Michael: By leaning back, and by whispering, I established a dominant physical position. Jim: Nice. Michael: Ok, let's try another one. Um... Jim: Okay. Michael: Walking out of the room unexpectedly. Jim: And what happens in this one? Michael: It's a surprise. Jim: Okay. Michael: Go ahead, ask me for a raise. Jim: Can I have a raise? Michael: [gets up and begins to walk out of the room] Jim: [softly] Sex, Steve Martin, Terri Hatcher. Michael: What? Jim: What? Michael: No, what did you say? Jim: I didn't say anything. I was waiting to see what happened. Michael: Oh it... sounded interesting... what you were gonna... Dwight: I saw the perpetrator advance toward the victim at a high rate of speed. His head was thrown back, his shoulder and arm cocked indicating an attck position. Perp grabbed the victim. I removed my wapon from its secure hiding place. Toby: Which is where? Dwight: Irrelevant. Discharged it at a distance of a little over a meter into the perpetrator's eyes, nose, and face area. Rendering him utterly and completely disabled. Then I contacted the authorities. The end. Toby: Thanks Dwight. Kelly: That is the bravest thing I have ever heard. Ryan: I can't imagine what I would have done. Kelly: I can. You would have left me to fend for myself. Like that time we were on the Ferris Wheel and that kid dropped a milk shake on me and you just laughed. Ryan: Well that was funny, that's why. Kelly: Oh it was? Ryan: Mm-hmm. Kelly: Okay, well the next time that you get scared, that you think a mrder's in your apartment in the middle of the night... Ryan: Okay. Kelly: ...and you call me, to calm you down... Ryan: You know what? I didn't--- Toby: Can you stop... Kelly: ...you can just call somebody else 'cause I'm not gonna do it anymore, Ryan. I'm not. Toby: There's a bunch of people back here, maybe... Ryan: Well, don't talk to me about calling people in the middle of the night... Toby: Guys... Kelly: I call you in the middle of the night to tell you that I love you! Toby: I don't think Michael intended to punish me, by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But, if he did intend that? Wow. Genius. Michael: [knock on door] Yeah. Darryl: You ready for me? Michael: Yes, yeah, absolutely. Have a seat. Darryl: Cool. Michael: You know what? Actually, let's go into the conference room. Darryl: Okay. Michael: No, you know what? Let's stay here. No let's go... Yeah let's go to the conference room. Michael: Tactic number six. Change the location of the meeting at the last second. Totally throws 'em off. Michael: Number 14, declining to speak first. Makes them feel uncomfortable, puts you in control. Michael: [long pause] I am declining to speak first. Darryl: Okay, I'll start. It's pretty simple really. I uh, I think I deserve a raise. I'm scheduled to get one in six months, but I'd like that to be moved up to now. Michael: Hmm. Ohh, Darryl. You are a good worker, and a good man. I just, you know, times are tight. And I just don't think corporate is going to go for this right now. Darryl: Are you wearin' lady clothes? Michael: What? Darryl: Are you wearin' lady clothes? Those look like lady... pants. Michael: No, this is a power suit. Darryl: That there's a woman's suit. Michael: [Darryl laughs] I do not buy woman's clothes. I would not make that mistake again. Darryl: I'ma call Roy, man. Michael: Ohh... kay. Darryl: This is gonna make him feel better. Michael: All right. Darryl: This is too good. Michael: Alright, you know what? Pam, could you please tell Darryl that this is not a woman's suit? Pam: Oh my God, that's a woman's suit! Kevin: You're wearing a woman's suit? Michael: No, I do, I, I wear men's suits, OK? I got this out of a bin. Michael: There were these huge bins of clothes, and everybody was rifling through them like crazy, and I grabbed one. And it fit! So I don't think that this is totally just a woman's suit. At the very least it's bisexual. Kevin: Who makes it? Michael: Uh, [reading the inside of his jacket] MISSterious. And it is mysterious because the buttons are on the wrong side... that's the mystery. Phyllis: Look, it's got shoulderpads, and did you see that lining? Michael: Okay. Phyllis: Did you see... Michael: Would you stop it, please? Jim: So, none of that tipped you off? Michael: It's European, OK? It's a European cut. Pam: Michael, the pants don't have any pockets. Michael: No, they don't. See? [Michael lifts his jacket tail, sticks out his back side and shows Pam] Pam: [Laughing, covering her mouth] Michael: Italians don't wear pockets. Pam: It's been a really rough couple of days... This helps a little. Karen: Hey, maybe you want to come over and raid my closet? Michael: No, I don't want to do that because I'm twice your size anyway. Darryl: Yeah, he look like Hillary Clinton. Michael: Um, let's just do this in 15 minutes. Darryl: Okay, can you just stand right there? [snaps camera phone picture] I gotta send some e-mails. Michael: Negotiations are all about controlling things. About being in the driver's seat. And make one tiny mistake, you're dad. I made one tiny mistake. I wore woman's clothes. Kevin: Karen, how do you feel that Roy tried to kick your boyfriend's ass over another woman? Karen: I feel great, Kevin. Thank you. Stanley: You must have been scared out of your mind. Karen: Well, you know it happened so fast I didn't really have time to be scared. Angela: What happened, exactly? I wasn't here, so I haven't really heard the whole story. Karen: Um, well, Jim and I were talking and Roy walked in looking super angry. Angela: Mm-hmm. Karen: And he's a big dude, you know? And all of a sudden, Jim pushed me out of the way, and Roy cocked his fist, and then bam, Dwight sprays him and knocks him on his butt. Angela: [flustered] Goodness. Karen: When I heard Jim and Pam had kissed, my reaction was to have lots of long talks with Jim about our feelings. Roy just attcked him. I'm not sure which one Jim hated more. Michael: Let's get down to business. Why don't you tell me why you think you deserve a raise. Darryl: Well, it's simple Mike. I mean we merged these two branches right? So now we're shipping twice as many orders as we used to. With Roy gone we got a smaller crew. And I'm pickin' up all of his slack, so I think I should be compensated fairly, by gettin' a raise. Michael: [mumbles jibberish] Darryl: What? I can't hear you. Michael: [mumbling softly] That was a very good point. Darryl: I can't--- what, Mike? Are you--- Michael: [mumbling softly] You make a very compelling argument. Pam: Sorry I almost got you klled. Jim: Yeah, that was nuts. Pam: He could have broken your nose or something. Crazy. It's just so stupid. I mean, getting back with Roy and everything. I mean, what was I thinking, right? Jim: No, I mean, you guys really seem to have a strong connection. Pam: Not anymore. It's, um... It's completely over now. Jim: We'll see. I'm sure you guys will... find you way back to one another someday. Pam: Jim... I am really... sorry. Jim: Oh, yeah. Don't worry about it. Michael: I am going to give you a piece of paper. I want you to write down how much you want, and I want you to slide it back across the desk to me. Darryl: Why can't I just... tell you? Michael: Because, that is the way these things are done. In... films. [Darryl writes the amount and starts to hand the paper to Michael] No, slide--- slide it, yes. Darryl: There you go. Michael: Oh. [scoffs] Come on. Be serious. Darryl: I am serious, Mike. That's a 10% raise. That's what I want. Michael: I... I can't give you that, I--- I don't make this much. Darryl: Come on, be for real Mike. Michael: I don't. Want me to prove it to you? There is... a pay stub. Darryl: [laughs] Are you serious? You're earning this? Michael: Plus perks, yes. Darryl: Mike, this is barely more than I make. You been here ten years, dog. [laughs] Michael: Fourteen years. Darryl: Ho-ho! Michael: No, please, please... Darryl: Oh, I'm sorry Mike, some of my folks got to hear about this one. [texting on cell phone] Ah. [laughs] Michael: Ok, let's take 15, again. Michael: A boss's salary isn't just about money, it is about perks. It... for example, every year I get a $100 gas card... Can't put a price tag on that. Jim: Ok, if you don't want a gift, at least let me buy you a beer, or lunch or something. Dwight: When Han Solo returns to the Death Star in the Millennium Falcon, and sht down the TIE fighters and saves the Rebel cause, do you think he does so for a free beer? Jim: Boy I--- Dwight: No. And why are you so interested in buying me something Jim, what's your angle? Jim: It's like when he annoys me and I want to screw with him to get him back, he never sees it coming. But now, I want to be nice to him, and actually give him something, and he's like an eel. I just can't grab onto him. It's infuriating. Karen: Maybe you just feel guilty about all the pranks. Jim: Well... yes, that's probably what it is. So what do I do? Karen: Hmm... I don't know. Maybe you should go back out there and sell paper so we can go on a trip. Kevin: Michael, here's the, uh, $15 I owe you. Michael: Oh, thank you. Kevin: Yeah. I heard you might need it. So... Creed: Here's the $40 you gave me. Michael: I didn't give you $40. Creed: In a way you did. Stanley: Yeah, I heard how much Michael makes. I still think he's way overpaid. Darryl: [on cell phone] Fourteen years. Fourteen. I know. [laughing] Ok, alright. I gotta go. Later. [hangs up] Michael: Okay. Okay, here's the straight... dope. No tricks. No Wikipedia. Darryl: What? Michael: I talked to corporate, and they told me that I can only give you a 5% raise. Darryl: That's 'cause of you, Mike. They're not gonna give the workin' man more than the boss. Michael: Well what am I supposed to do? Darryl: Get your own raise. You gotta get out there and earn, son. Michael: I'm not gonna go out and ask for a raise right now. That is ridiculous. Darryl: Well, when they merged the two branches together, they put you in charge. Okay, and we're shippin' more now than we ever have. Michael: [exhales] That's true. Darryl: Yeah that's true. You gotta call your girl, and get paid. Show her who wears the pants in the relationship. Michael: You know what? I should. Darryl: Yeah, you should. Michael: I have been a loyal employee for a long time. Darryl: Fourteen years long. Michael: You know what? I deserve a bump. Darryl: Make it happen, cap'in. Michael: I am makin' it happen, sergeant. Creed: I remember it was very late at night, like 11, 11:30. Big fella comes in screamin' about God knows what. I think maybe Halpert had stolen his car. [Angela rolls her eyes] Something like that. So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels. Then Schrute grabs a can of hairspray and a lighter--- Angela: You're useless. Jan: Why don't we talk next month, after the quarter ends? Michael: No, Jan. I've never asked for a raise in 14 years. This is long overdue. I wanna do it today. Jan: Today. All right, well, uh, if you want to do it today, we should meet in person, and uh, can you get here by five? Michael: Yshhyah. Um, yeah. I'll leave right away. Jan: Great. Uh, and listen. Because of our, uh, our... you know, situation, we're gonna need to have a third party present. Michael: Yes, I'm bringing Darryl. Jan: Da--- Darryl from the warehouse? Michael: Mm-hm. Jan: No, Michael. We, we need an HR rep. So, uh, I think you should just bring Toby. Michael: Hey, I'd rather kll myself. Jan: Michael, he's your branch's HR rep... Michael: [talking over Jan] No, Toby is terrible. Toby is the worst human being I've ever known. Jan: ...and we need someone else, in the room, because of our relationship. You know this. Michael, either Toby comes with you, or we don't do it. Michael: [sighs] Fine. Kelly: You are so mean. Ryan: I don't know what you're talking about. Kelly: Yes you do, Ryan Bailey Howard. You called me stupid. Ryan: No, I said your idea was stupid. Michael: Toby, come on. Let's go. Toby: Where? Michael: Where? I'm gonna smack you in the head with a hammer. Come on, let's go. Kelly: What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher? Toby: Alright. Kelly: Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor. Ryan: Don't you see why that's insane? Kelly: Oh, so I'm crazy now? Darryl: Comfortable, Mike? Michael: Yeah. Fine. Darryl: How about you, man. Comfortable? Toby: No. Michael: [imitating Chris Tucker] Don't ever touch a black man's radio! ...Chris Tucker. Rush Hour. I won't touch yours, by the way. Darryl: Thank you. Michael: Well... Darryl: I haven't been to New York in a long time. Michael: Mm, the Big Apple. Darryl: Maybe I'll stay overnight. Got a cousin lives down there. Toby: How would we get home? Darryl: Oh you could stay too. He's got a big place. Michael: Maybe I'll stay. Darryl: Mm, it's not that big. Michael: Well... Darryl: Busses, though. They get you home quick. Michael: [mouth full of pretzels] Oh, I... Kelly: And all of a sudden, Dwight stood up and was like "No!" Angela: Then what'd he do? [Kelly's phone rings] Kelly: You should just read the report that Toby did. He took everyone's stories. [answering phone] Dunder Mifflin, customer service, this is Kelly. Oh yeah I could totally help you with that. Ok, let me just get the folder out. Okay, it seems here that you ordered 12,000 reams of paper. Oh, 12 reams... Hunter: Hey guys, Jan is ready for you. Darryl: Okay, bring it home now. And don't forget the new black man phrase I taught you. Michael: Pippity poppity, give me the zoppity. Darryl: Yes sir. Remember that. I'll be right outside if you need me Michael: All right. Darryl: Yeah, I taught Mike some new phrases. I want him to get the raise, I... just can't help myself. Roy: [to Jim] Hey man, uh... I'm sorry. [Jim motions "Don't worry about it"] [Roy receives his check from Angela] Thanks. [to Pam] Can I, like, see you after work for coffee, or... something? Pam: I don't know. Roy: Please. I just got some stuff I gotta say to you. [Pam nods, meekly] Kevin: [as Roy is walking out] Jim--- Roy--- Look out! Jim: Thanks, Kev. I'm good though. Jan: Thank you, Hunter. [to Michael and Toby] Hello. Come in. [exhales] Ah, Okay. Michael: Who's the boy toy? Jan: That's my new assistant. Michael: Were you going to tell me that you hired James Van Der Beek? Jan: I have to call you the second I get a new assistant? Michael: Be nice to get a memo, we are lovers. Toby: Hi, Jan. Jan: Hi, Toby. [clears throat] First--- [Michael clears his throat] First off, Michael, this is a salary negotiation. All matters regarding our personal relationship have to be set aside. Are we clear? Michael: Pippity poppity. Jan: Right now we can offer you a 6% raise. Michael: Six percent? After all we've been through? Jan: Oh, God. Michael: I got you... jade earrings. Jan: Michael--- Michael: No! Jan: Michael--- Michael: No. You gonna play it like this? You give me a good raise, or no more sex. [Toby begins to write] [to Toby] What are you writing, perv-ball? Toby: Just preparing for the deposition. Toby: This may be the first time that a male subordinate has attempted to get a modest scheduled raise by thrat to withhold sex from a female superior. It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial. Roy: I'm so sorry, Pammy. I really wasn't gonna do anything. But then I... kept thinkin' about you two together, and... I just thought you guys were really good friends, or... or maybe he was gay or somethin'... Not that that's wrong. Pam: I'm sorry too. I just, I think that we both made some bad choices. Roy: So you gonna start datin' Halpert then? Pam: Um... no. No, he has a girlfriend. Roy: Oh yeah... Wait a minute, you... broke off our wedding for the guy. Pam: No, there were a lot of reasons. Roy: But you're not even gonna try to go out with him? [Pam meekly shakes her head] I don't get you Pam. Pam: I know. Dwight: What's this? Jim: What's what? Dwight: Certificate of Bravery, from the Scranton Police Department. "Recognizing outstanding citizenship from a very brave young man. Dwight K. Schrute" Jim: Wow. I guess word got around. That's a nice... honor. Dwight: Please. They hand these out to little kids. Look. There's a teddy bear in a policeman's cap. Jim: [under his breath] Didn't think you'd notice... Michael: Why don't you just take that pen and sab me in the heart. This is me, Jan. This is me! Jan: Okay, Michael. Please, why don't we just take a break. This is really going nowhere. Michael: Okay, no, no, no, no. You do not try tactic number eight on me. I invented tactic number eight. I'm not going anywhere. Jan: Ok, Toby, how about if you... Toby: Sure. Jan: Great. Jan: What's wrong with you? Michael: Ohh. It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed. And then Darryl made me feel bad for not making any money. And then I had to ride up here with stupid Toby. And then, your assistant, is all young and hot. And I--- Jan: Okay, Michael. I can offer you a 12% raise, but you have got to ask for 15. Michael: Well that's ridiculous I'm not gonna make--- Jan: No, just... I just need you to ask for it, so I can record that you asked for it. Okay? Michael: Ah, so... All right, Levinson. Here's the rub. I would like a 15% raise. Jan: No. But we can offer you 12. Michael: But you just said 15. Michael: Negotiation is an art. Back and forth. Give and take. And today, both Darryl and I took something. Higher salaries. Win win win. But you know, life is about more... than just salaries. It's about perks. Like having sex with Jan-- Jan: Michael! Stanley: So you and Bob are looking at a historical house? Phyllis: Mm-hmm, near the river. Stanley: Mm, how many bedrooms? Phyllis: Four. Angela: Dwight. Dwight. I've been doing some very interesting reading. Dwight: Really? Angela: Mm-hmm. Tales of bravery. Dwight: Mm, good stuff. Angela: Mm-hmm. I was thinking tonight, we could... read it together. Dwight: Sounds... fun. [they kiss, Jim walks out of the bathroom and sees] Jim: [scoffs] I... will never say a word. And now, we are even. Andy: I graduated from anger management the same way I graduated from Cornell. On time. Now I'm back. Got a second chance, and I'm not gonna blow it. [in a forceful voice] So look out Dunder Mifflin! [laughs] [snaps] I mean, look out... in a fun way! You know, not like, I'm gonna hurt you... Andy: Hey guys! Guess who's back! [Dwight pepper-spray's Andy] AHHH! [screams in pain] OH, GOD! Dwight: No need to thank me. Dwight: I am not a hero. I am a mere defender of the office. You know who's a real hero? Hiro, from Heroes. That's a hero. Also, Bono.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x19 - The Negotiation"}	foreverdreaming
Andy: Good morning, Pam. Pam: Oh, welcome back, Andy. Andy: Drew. I'm Drew now. Pam: Oh. Drew. Sorry. Andy: Apology not... accepted. Because it wasn't even necessary in the first place. [laughs] Andy: Several weeks ago, Andy Bernard had an incident. [cut to sht of Andy punching a hole in the wall] But after five weeks in Anger Management, I'm back. And I've got a new attitude. And a new name. And... a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the grumpies. Andy: Mornin' Jim. Jim: Hey, Andy. How are you, man? Andy: Good. Drew. Jim: What's that? Andy: Dr--- You can call me Drew. Jim: No, I'm not gonna call you that. Andy: Cool. I can't control what you do. I can only control what I do. Jim: Andy. Andy: Drew. [walks to Dwight] Dwight. How's it goin' man? Dwight: Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday... for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna. Dwight: Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned. Jim: Andy, Dwight says welcome back, and he could use a hug. Dwight: Ok, tell him that's not true. Jim: Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attcks. Andy: You guys... Dwight: Ok, no. Jim, tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him! Jim: [half-heartedly] Andy! Nah, that's too far. Dwight: Damn you. Michael: Today is Safety Training Day. Toby is leading ours upstairs. Yeauck. But, I am giving everyone a little bit of a treat. We are going to listen in on Darryl's presentation to the warehouse. And if I know Darryl, it gonna be zoppity. Darryl: Now, this is the forklift. You need--- [Michael rattles it] You need a license to operate this machine. That means the upstairs office workers can't drive it. ... Quiz! Mike. Michael: Hmm. Darryl: Should you drive the forklift? Michael: I can, and I have. Darryl: No! No no no no no! I said should you. You should not drive it. You should not drive the forklift, you understand? Lonny: You're not allowed to drive the forklift. Darryl: It's not safe, you don't have a license. Michael: Guys, I'm not the only one who's driven the forklift. [points] Pudge has driven the forklift. Madge: Madge. Michael: I thought your name was Pudge? Madge: No, it's always been Madge. Michael: Okay. Um, her. Darryl: Her. Yes, "her" is qualified to work a dangerous machine. You are not. Okay? Michael: Ah, fine. Darryl: Do you understand that? Michael: Yeeesh. Darryl: We do safety training every year, or after an accident. ... We've never made it a full year. This particular time, I was reaching for a supply box on the top shelf, when one office worker, who shall remain nameless, kicked the ladder out from under me and yelled... Michael: [barely keeping his composure] "Hey Darryl, how's it hangin'?!" [laughs] Darryl: And I fell and busted my ankle. I'm legitimately scared for my workers. Darryl: The baler can flatten a car engine. It can cut off your arm and crush your entire body without skipping a bat. Dwight: Yeah! Andy: It's on! Darryl: How many people a year do you think get their arms cut off in a baler? Michael: Bail'er? I hardly know her. Lonny: Dammit, Michael. Pay attention, man. Darryl: Anybody wanna take a guess? Anybody? Kevin: Five bucks says it's over 50. Jim: You really wanna bet? Darryl: Anybody? Kevin: Ever since March Madness ended, I am so bored. Guy: How many? Jim: Ok, you're on. Darryl: Ten people, Michael. Ten people. Would you like to be one of them? Kevin: [mouths] Damn... Darryl: [in background] You have to be alert, and calm. And always careful... Jim: No, don't worry about it. We'll just got double or nothin'. Kevin: On what? Jim: I don't know, we'll figure somethin' out. Kevin: Nice. Oscar: What are you guys talkin' about? Darryl: These are very dangerous machines down here, and the upstairs workers, Michael, should not go anywhere near them. Michael: Yes, yes. But it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world... if somebody... Darry: It would be the worst thing in the world! It would! Very much so. Lonny: What the hell is wrong with this man? Michael: It's a big red trash compactor! Lonny: What are you--- Darryl: It's not a trash compactor! It's a baler! Lonny: Don't disrespect the baler! Michael: Okay, okay! I got it. I got it. ... Only on the rarest of occasions... Darryl: No do not touch it! Michael: ...would I go near--- Darryl: There is no occasion for you to go near this stuff, okay? Michael: Toby now has the floor... and he is going to try not to screw this up, like everything else in his life. Let me rephrase that. I believe that you can do safety training and make it sound just as good as Darryl. Here we go! Toby: Ok, um, one thing that you're gonna want to look out for is carpal tunnel syndrome. It's recommended that you take a ten minute break from typing every hour. For your circulation, you're gonna want to get up out of your chairs and uh, and move around about ten minutes every hour. Michael: Yes, good. Fine. Like stretching and... Toby: Um, yeah. You're computer screen can be a big strain on your eyes, so uh, it's also recommended that you step away for about... about ten minutes every hour. Michael: Wow, that is... that time really adds up. That's like... a half an hour, every hour? Darryl: Take them at the same time. Michael: Ok, you know what? You're making it sound kind of lame. So, skip ahead to the really dangerous stuff. Like sometimes computers can explode, can they not? Toby: No, no. Um, you always want to keep a sweater or cardigan of some sort, in case it gets drafty. Ryan: What about a long sleeve T? Toby: Well, that'll work. Kevin: Long johns? A shaw? Toby: You know, anything that warms you. Michael: Ok, you know what? I think that everybody is going to vomit due to boredom. [to warehouse guys] Sorry, he is very lame. [takes book from Toby] Um, let's see. "Seasonal affective disorder! A depression that includes weight gain, fatigue, irritability, brought on by the low light of winter." Darryl: Thank God we only had a baler to deal with. Lonny: Yeah, that dim light is a bitch, ain't it? Michael: Ok guys, you know what? I didn't--- I didn't interrupt when you were having your presentation. Darryl: Actually, you did. Michael: Yes. Okay, let's do another one. This is a good one. "A particular concern for office workers is a sedimentary life style, which can contribute---" Toby: Sedentary. Michael: Yes. "Which can contribute to heart disease." Heart disease kills more people that balers. Lonny: That's called having a fat butt, Michael. Michael: Mmmm, no, no, it's... sedentary... Lonny: Yeah, yeah. That's, that's fat butt disease. That's what you suffer from? Michael: No. Lonny: Fat butt disease, Michael? Kelly: Excuse me, sea monster, you weigh like a thousand pounds. Lonny: Yeah? I bet you'd like to swim with this sea monster, wouldn't you? Kelly: Ryan? Lonny: Dude, tell your girl to shut up. Kelly: What?! Ryan: Kelly, you insulted the gentleman. Please apologize. Kelly: Are you kidding me? Darryl: Alright, we outta here. Michael: Darryl, I did not walk out in the middle of yours. So, I--- Lonny: Yeah, but ours was real, Michael. Darryl: That's what I've been trying to tell you, Mike. It's serious down there. We do dangerous stuff, man. This is shenanigans, foolishness, Nerf-ball. You live a sweet, little, Nerf-y life. Sittin' on your biscuit. Never havin' to risk it. Michael: Okay. ... What, Nerf isn't cool anymore? Michael: Darryl thinks he is such a man because he works in a warehouse. I worked in a warehouse. Men's Warehouse. I was a greeter. I'd like to see Darryl greet people. Probably make 'em feel like wimps. Not me, I... "Hello, I'm Michael. Welcome to Men's Warehouse. We have a special on khaki pants today." ... This is one example. Kevin: [Pam is holding a jar of jellybeans] Ten. Oscar: Really, ten? That's your guess? You're a professional accountant. Jim: There's like ten green ones. Oscar: Forty-two. Jim: I'm gonna say fifty. Karen: Fifty-one. Jim: Oh, don't be that person. Kevin: That is lame. Karen: It's a strategy! Pam: It's called being smart. Karen: Thank you. Kevin: Oh, geeze. Pam: I don't know how the whole betting thing started, but it's fun. Pam: Ten... Jim: Kev's out. Kevin: Damn it. Pam: 47, 48, 49! Jim wins! Everyone: Oooh! [Jim claps] Kevin: That is not fair. He has spent hours up here at reception with you. Hours and hours. Jim: Okay, okay. Kevin: No, constantly. Like, for years. Jim: Okay. Michael: Pam, depression is as scary as a baler, right? Pam: I don't understand the question. Michael: Working in an office can lead to depression. Which can lead to su1c1de. I mean this is really serious stuff. Pam: Yeah... Michael: I--- I--- Nobody commits su1c1de because they work with a baler, and yet those guys are makin' fun of me, calling me a Nerf, that... Pam: It's really hard to demonstrate depression. Their safety training had visuals. Michael: Yeah... you are... ah, so right. They had visual aids. And all we had were the facts. You don't go to the science museum and get handed a pamphlet on electricity. You go to the science museum and you put your hand on a metal ball, your hair sticks up straight... and you know science. Pam: So, you're okay? Michael: Indubitably. Michael: They use props. They use visual aids, and they just made us look like dopes. Dwight: Idiots! God, what are we gonna do!? Michael: I don't know, I don't know. Because you know what our kller is? Depression--- Dwight: Wolves. Michael: Nn--- Depression. Dwight: Visual aids. Michael: Yes. Dwight: A quilt. Depression quilt? Micheal: No time to sew a quilt. ... I got it. Give me the number for the Giant Big Box Toy Store. Michael: You may be asking yourself, "What am I doing on a trampoline?" Well, I thought I'd bounce here for a while, relieve some stress, and then move on with my day. Not! Here's the plan. Dwight, is going to gather all of the office workers and all of the warehouse guys, we're going to have another safety seminar. Only this time, where's Michael? Oh my God! He is on the roof! Now I have got their attention. I... tell them, about the cold hard facts of depression. And then I say, "Hey! You ever seen a su1c1de?" And I jump. And they freak out. And they get to see... the dangers of depression with their own eyes. Nice side note[/b]: They might think "Hey, I should have been nicer to Michael." But that's... not why I'm doing this... Then, I land on the trampoline, take a couple extra bounces for fun. I climb off, walk around the corner... Ta-freakin'-da! [Dwight nods] Kelly: So then the next movie moves to the top of the queue. So number five becomes number four, number six becomes number five, [Ryan checks his watch]number three becomes number two, etc, etc. And let's just say that I just sent back Love Actually, which was awesome. [Karen lays money down on the desk next to Ryan] And they sent me Uptown Girls, which is also awesome. But guess what, now I want to see love actually again, [Phyllis throws her money down] but it's at the bottom of the que! Oh no, what do I do!? [Creed throws his money down] What I do, is this. I go online, I go click, click, click. And I change the order of the que, so that I can see Love Actually [Pam throws her money down] as soon as I want to. It's so easy, Ryan. Do you really not know how Netflix works? [Jim throws his money down] Ryan: I guess I forgot. [kisses Kelly, gathers up all the money] Kelly: You're such a ditz. Kevin: Ryan, well done. Two minutes, forty-two seconds. Additionally, Pam, you win ten because she said "awesome" 12 times, and Jim, you win five because she mentioned six romantic comedies. Dwight: [on the roof] Okay, let's do this thing! I'll go summon the troops! Michael: Maybe we should test it first. Letterman-style. Throw a TV over, or... Dwight: We measured it once... Michael: Go buy some watermelons. Dwight: Seedless? Michael: Just... Toby: [Creed takes a bite of an apple] Creed is eating an apple. I found a potato. Pam: Hey Creed. Creed: Hey! Pam: Hey. Creed: Hello. [Jim replaces Creed's apple with a potato][Creed takes a bite of the potato] Pam: Yes! Kevin: Here you go. [hands money] Toby: Nice. Karen: I don't know this place as well as I thought I did. I'm getting cleaned out. Dwight: Ready? Michael: Let's do it! Drop that sucker. Dwight: [drops watermelon, watermelon bounces off trampoline, onto a car, bursts, car alarm sounds] Michael: BINGO! WHOA WHOA WHOA! Oh... crap. Deactivate the car alarm. Clean up the mess. Dwight: Okay. Michael: Find out whose car that is. If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James P. Albini, see if he handles hate crimes. Dwight: Got it. Michael: Also, take apart the trampoline, stick it in the baler. Dwight: We're not allowed to use the baler. Michael: Have Pa--adge do it, or... the sea monster. Dwight: I'm on it! Dwight: I'm temporarily lifting the shun. Andy: Thank you. Dwight: It means nothing. I need you to do something for me. Andy: Anything. Dwight: Okay, calm down. I need you to acquire an inflatable house, and/or castle. Andy: You mean a moon bounce. Dwight: What do you think? You've got an hour. Andy: I'm gonna need... I'm gonna need petty cash. Dwight: Shunning resumed. Andy: Do you, do you want a drawbridge? Dwight: Un-shun. Yeah that sounds good. Re-shun. Dwight: Oh yeah, this is much better. Safer. Excellent decision. Michael: Yes, thank you for seeing that. Dwight: When you land, try and land like an eight year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults. Michael: I don't know if I wanna do this. Dwight: Do you wanna do another test? I got plenty of watermelons in my trunk! Michael: No. No more. The tests are going terrible. If we keep doing it, we're not gonna want to jump. This is about doing, not thinking. Dwight: That's right! Doing! Totally doing! It's rock n' roll! Michael: Rock n' roll! Dwight: Yeah! Michael: That's right! I am not thinking. Dwight: [imitating the sound and playing an air guitar] Near near near near near! Michael: Yes! Yeah! Dwight: [singing] Michael is awesome! Jumpin' off the roof! Michael: Woo! Dwight: [singing] Bouncin' on the bouncy bounce! Show 'em who's boss! Michael: Woo! Dwight: [singing] Rip a hole in the suuuuuuun! Michael: I am ready to do this! I am ready to make a point! [Dwight continues air guitar] Dwight: [out of breath] Guys! Listen up! Michael is up on the roof, and acting strange! Andy: Whoa! What's the situation? Dwight: [hesitates] Un-shun. I think he's suffering from depression. Re-shun. Andy: Ok, when's the shunning thing gonna end? Dwight: Un-shun. Never. Re-shun. I think he wants you all to come out to the parking lot and watch him die! Stanley: Is it nice outside? Dwight: It's gorgeous. Let's go! Stanley: Do I need my jacket? Dwight: No really, it's, it's very nice. Come on! Ryan: Will I be too warm in a long sleeve T? Dwight: Everybody's gonna be fine in exactly what they're wearing, let's go! Let's go! Dwight: [outside] Come on, hurry up you guys! Michael: [on the roof] My life! Oh, my life... Dwight: [on megaphone] Michael, what's wrong?! Michael: Everything's wrong. The stress of my modern office, has caused me to go into a depression. Dwight: Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out? Michael: Dwight, you ignorant slut. Depression is a very serious illness. Over 32 thousand people commit su1c1de every year! According to a 2004 study! Dwight: Is that the last year the data was available? Michael: Yes! My head is in such pain! And turmoil! Dwight: Don't do anything rash! Michael: Wait, where are the warehouse guys? Dwight: I didn't... [Dwight runs up to the side of the building] I didn't think you needed them for this part. Michael: Okay... that's... Dwight: you said to just... Michael: That's the whole point, dummy. Dwight: Okay, I'm on it! Michael: Okay. Dwight: Attention blue collar workers! Pam: What are the odds that this is in any way real? Jim: I'd say like... 10,000 to 1? Kevin: Okay, I'd like ten bucks on those odds. Kevin: If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 on anything, you take it. If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude. Dwight: Michael's up on the roof and he's acting strange! Michael: Oooooh, my life! Dwight: Michael! What's wrong? Michael: Everything is wrong, Dwight. The stress of my modern office, has made me depressed. Dwight: Depressed? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out? Michael: Dwight, you ignorant slut. Jim: Well, you know, the first performance was a little off. But I really think they ht their stride, in the second show. Um, might even bring my parents tomorrow, to the matinee. Michael: And that is why, I am going to jump off this roof! Jim: Oh, excuse me. It's my... favorite part. Angela: This is just offensive. Ryan: At least we're outside. Creed: [zipping up his pants] Hey, check it out, there's a... there's a castle over there. Jim: Oh my God, there is a castle. Dwight: No, there's nothing to see over there, people! There's nothing to see. ...They found the castle, Michael. Michael: Damn it. Pam: Oh... God. Oh my God, he's gonna jump. Jim: Oh. He's going to kll himself, pretending to k*ll himself. Pam: Yeah... Jim: Hey uh, Michael. Don't jump on the bouncy castle. You can't do that, because you're going to get horribly, horribly injured. Pam: Hey Michael! I have a present for you, but you have to come down and get it. Michael: What is it? Pam: Come down and... open it and you'll see. Michael: Dwight, find out what the present is. Dwight: Okay, uh... I don't see anything. She might be bluffing. Jim: Dwight... Pam: Dwight, what are you--- Dwight: Oh... It's uh, a Repliee Q1 Expo female robot, they're only available in Japan. Michael: Dwight, you are such a liar. Pam, really, what is it? Darryl: Mike, this is the opposite of safety. You jump, you're gonna serious hurt yourself. Michael: You told me, that I lead a... cushy, wimpy, Nerf life. Darryl: Yeah, but I never said you had nothing to live for. Michael: What do I have to live for? Darryl: A lot... of things. Uh, you, uh... What about Jan? Lovely, lovely, lovely Jan, man. It's goin' good, right? Michael: It's complicated with Jan. And I don't know where I stand, or what I want. The sex isn't nearly as good as it used to be. Darryl: Mike, you're a very brave man. I mean, it takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day, knowing full well, you gotta be you. Michael: Do you really mean that? Darryl: I couldn't do it. I--- I ain't that strong. And I ain't that brave. Michael: I'm braver than you? Darryl: Way braver! You Braveheart, man. Michael: I Braveheart. I am. Darryl: Come down, okay? Michael: Okay. Pam, I'm coming down to get my present. Michael: An office... is as safe as the people in it. And sometimes those people can drive you to do crazy things to show the dangers of the office. That's the danger I found myself in today. I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can't say. But, yes.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "03x20 - Safety Training"}	foreverdreaming

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